Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

August 1997

Rodolphus Lestrange

Rodolphus was a simple man who enjoyed the simple pleasures in life: Alcohol, Money and Sex (preferably not with his wife). He had just spent the best part of 15 years in Azkaban Prison, and that kind of torture can really put a lot of things into perspective. Like the fact that the woman he is married to is a raging psychopath and perhaps he should not have indulged her rabid fantasies quite so much over the years. He had done it, of course, so that she would leave him alone, and, for the most part, it had worked. Rodolphus observed her now, simpering and fawning over the Dark Lord, desperately seeking any kind of attention that he might bestow upon her. She was so excited; she was probably only one serpentine look away from fucking her own wand.

Better the wand than me… he involuntarily shuddered at the thought.

“Something to say, Rodolphus?” the Dark Lord enquired, apparently having noted his reaction.

Oh no, my Lord! Just imagining my wife shagging her wand… perhaps she can let an Avada slip whilst it’s inside her and do us all a favour.

“No, my Lord, there was a slight chill.”

He saw Bella shoot him a venomous look. How dare he take the Dark Lord’s attention away from her?! And for such a pitiful reason as a ‘slight chill.’ The Dark Lord held his gaze for a moment before looking away to carry on with his dinner. Rodolphus went back to his dinner too, which involved taking a rather large drink from his goblet.

A movement opposite him caught his eye. Narcissa looked pointedly at his goblet and then away.

Message received loud and clear! He took another drink from his goblet and then refilled it, much to her annoyance.

He looked at Draco sitting to her right; the boy was staring at the table in front of him with a haunted expression on his face. Rodolphus couldn’t blame him; imagine being tasked with killing Albus Dumbledore, of all people?! At least Severus had stepped in to save Draco from that ridiculous task. His eyes flicked to Severus; the man who was a champion at keeping his facial expressions in check was currently staring at Bella with a slight curl of disgust gracing one lip.

Right there with you, Severus. He took another drink.

Had Rodolphus made mistakes over the years? Indeed, a great many… not that he realised it at the time. There was a time when he had wanted purebloods to rule and the Dark Lord to reign supreme. He had fought viciously for the Dark Lord in the First Wizarding War, not for the right reasons, but he had willingly crushed all who stood in their way. However, when the Dark Lord had fallen, Rodolphus found himself in Azkaban with nothing to do apart from stare at the four walls of his cell and think. In the early years, the thinking had nearly driven him crazy. The grief was almost overwhelming, but he understood now that he needed to go through it. As time went on, Narcissa and Severus began visiting him; he didn’t know what they saw, but they kept coming back. Narcissa had even graciously signed him up to receive various newspapers and magazines. With nothing better to do, he would scour the articles for hours, re-reading until he could recite some of them word for word. Honestly, if you want to know the life story of Lewis Richards, the Chaser for the Chudley Cannons, he could recite it as though it was his own life story. He studied that article more than most, although that may have had more to do with the amount of chest Lewis was showing in one of the photographs. No judging! Narcissa refused to sign him up to any fun magazines, so he had to make do.

After years of reading and self reflection, there were a few things that had become glaringly obvious to Rodolphus: pureblood ideology was a load of shit, the Dark Lord was a egotistical maniac, and Rodolphus was gay. He had spent many afternoons over the years speaking to Narcissa about the fact that purebloods were dying out. The birth rates had reduced to worrying numbers. Narcissa herself had been unable to conceive any more children after Draco. The articles he read blamed inbreeding for the decline in births and the rise in both physical and mental illness. His eyes fell on Bella again, who was practically giving the Dark Lord a lap dance.

Case and point.

The day he had been ‘rescued’ from Azkaban and thrown back into another war had been a bad one. Add being re-acquainted with his deranged wife, who had made it perfectly clear that she now preferred snake-men, and it had probably been the second worst day of his life.

“Draco…” Rodolphus’s gaze shot back to Draco, who had gone rigid at the Dark Lord’s attention… “Tell me, did you learn anything about what the Potter boy is up to from the students at Hogwarts before you left?”

“Unfortunately not, my Lord; whatever they are up to was kept secret,” Draco’s voice remained steady. The kid had more balls than Lucius, which was for the best; no family should have more than one useless prick in it.

A dark look passed over the Dark Lord’s face, but before he could respond, Severus added, “Indeed, Draco is correct. I managed to get into the headmaster’s office, and from the information I got out of Dumbledore’s Portrait, it would appear that no one, other than Potter and his closest friends, was informed of what they would be doing.”

“Insufferable Mudblood lover!” Bella shrieked. In case you couldn’t tell, the crazy bitch had never been a fan of Dumbledore.

“Quiet, Bellatrix!” the Dark Lord snapped. Rodolphus tried not to smirk as Bella shrunk back into her chair looking like a kicked Niffler. Narcissa glared at him, clearly indicating he was failing in his non-smirking endeavour. “I want to know what the boy and his friends are up to!”

“It is our top priority, my Lord,” Severus assured him. The rest of them remained quiet.

The Dark Lord fixed his eyes back on Draco. “I do hope that is true, Severus. Perhaps some motivation is required.” Rodolphus went cold as the Dark Lord raised his wand. “Crucio.” Draco’s body immediately seized and began violently shaking as the curse ripped through him. His screams rang out, reverberating around the Large Dining Room as he fell from his chair onto the floor.

Rodolphus reacted quickly, flicking his wand under the table to restrain Narcissa, who had been seconds away from dropping to the floor with her son. She looked desperately at him from across the table, tears pricking at her eyes, but Rodolphus just gave her the minutest shake of his head.

Once the curse had been lifted, Draco remained on the floor, panting and spasming as the aftershocks worked through his system. “Come, Nagini… Bella.” The Dark Lord gave Rodolphus a look. A look that clearly said ‘I’m going to fuck your wife.’

I don’t know why you look so happy about it; I’ve had a run-in with that vagina and still carry tremendous amounts of trauma from it.

Rodolphus gave the Dark Lord what he wanted and clenched his jaw with an expression of annoyance upon his face.

Oh yes, look, I’m so upset! But I won’t say anything because you are better than me and so, so scary! Now please leave so I can celebrate… I mean ‘drown my sorrows’ in a bottle of Firewhisky.

Bella grabbed desperately at the Dark Lord’s arm as Nagini slid around them both in a crushing embrace. Dark Lord glared coldly at them all one last time, then apparated with his fuck buddies back to the Lestrange Manor.

I wonder if he has ever actually fucked Nagini…

He released Narcissa from the Binding Curse, and she fell to the floor next to Draco sobbing. Rodolphus took another long drink from his goblet as she pulled her son to her chest, smoothing his hair and muttering pointless words of comfort.

“Draco needs to die,” Severus said casually. The boy in question, along with Narcissa and Lucius, stared at him in shocked anger. Lucius even tried to raise his wand, but Rodolphus quickly disarmed him, snatching the wand out of the air with a triumphant grin.

That move was so slick, you would never know I’m two bottles of wine in…

“Honestly, Severus! You could have worded that slightly better,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“No one is killing my son!” Narcissa shrieked.

“Actually Narcissa, if Draco remains here, I am almost certain that the Dark Lord will kill him,” Severus drawled. “The boy has done nothing but fail, and we all know what the Dark Lord does to failures.”

“He hasn’t failed! Draco repaired the vanishing cabinet…” Narcissa tried weakly.

Severus scoffed, “There were much easier ways of sneaking the Death Eaters into Hogwarts, Narcissa. The Dark Lord is not stupid; he knows Draco was stalling for time. More important than that though, he failed to kill Dumbledore and also failed to recruit or secure information from his fellow students. We are all well aware that the only reason the Dark Lord has not killed him yet, is because torturing him is a fun way of keeping you and Lucius in line.”

Rodolphus hiccupped, “We have discussed getting Draco out before; I agree with Severus that faking his death is the best approach.”

“Faking his death…” Lucius clarified with a cold look at Severus.

“Oh, did I forget that part? My apologies.” Severus did not look sorry in the slightest.

“But how?!” Narcissa asked desperately. “Where would he go?”

Draco sat up groaning, “Mother has to come too.”

Once again, proving to be better than his father by trying to protect someone other than himself.

“She can’t,” Severus said simply. “We can fake your death easy enough, Draco; the Dark Lord doesn’t care for you. He thinks you are useless, so he won’t waste any time looking into it.” Severus had such a way with words. “However, if both you and Narcissa conveniently die, it would raise suspicion.”

“You have to go, my love,” Narcissa squeezed her son’s shoulder.

“Do we have a plan?” Rodolphus asked, refilling his goblet.

Snape leaned back in his chair, downing the wine left in his own goblet, “Draco is going to help the Order.”

Fucking hell…

“What?!” Lucius snapped.

“I know exactly what Potter and his friends are up to, and trust me, they may not know it, but Draco could make their task infinitely easier.”

“Don’t make me stay with them,” Draco pleaded.

“Draco, what they’re doing is the single most important thing in the Order’s mission to take down the Dark Lord. If they do not succeed, everything is lost, and we will all die, your parents included.”

“What’s their task?” Rodolphus asked, unable to resist.

Severus gave him a bored look, “As if I am going to tell you that, Rodolphus.”

“How do we know we can trust Rodolphus?!” Lucius bellowed angrily.

Well that’s just rude.

“The Dark Lord is fucking my wife right now, Lucius…” Rodolphus said dryly.

“You hate your wife!” Lucius retorted.

Rodolphus held up his hand, indicating that he had more to say if only Lucius would shut the fuck up. “The Dark Lord is fucking my wife right now AND whilst I don’t much care, I still take great offence that he would so willingly humiliate me in front of others. That, and the fact that everything we’ve been fed is bullshit, blood supremacy is ridiculous, purebloods are dying out, and I’m done fighting for a maniac who thinks murdering children is all fine and dandy.”

“Rodolphus is right. I don’t want this life for Draco,” Narcissa sniffed.

‘Rodolphus is right’… Well if those are not the most beautiful words.

“I don’t want this life for anyone. I know there is no redemption for me, I’ve done too much, but I want to see him gone,” Rodolphus told them, raising his goblet in a salute and promptly sloshing wine onto his trousers.

Fuck, what a waste.

Rodolphus had not chosen the Dark Lord; he had inherited him and his beliefs. His family had supported the Dark Lord from the start, from a time when there were no Death Eaters, only Knights. From the moment Rodolphus had been born, he had been fed the ideologies and he had been fighting, killing, suffering, or paying the price in Azkaban, ever since. He was tired.

“I trust Rodolphus,” Severus told them. “I made him swear an Unbreakable Vow of loyalty a long time ago.”

“I promised to love him until my dying day.” Rodolphus may have slurred his words slightly; everyone chose to rudely ignore him.

“It’s a preposterous idea anyway; how would we even go about contacting the Order? Everyone has been searching for the Potter boy since the Ministry fell at the beginning of August; there has been no sign.” Lucius grabbed the bottle of wine to refill his goblet.

“Prep-oster-ous is a fun word,” Rodolphus chuckled.

Severus ignored him again. “Hasn’t there Lucius?” he looked to Narcissa.

She looked nervously at her husband. Rodolphus drank some more wine with a smirk on his face. Narcissa was always highly underestimated; the Dark Lord assumed she was a silly insignificant woman with a weak disposition, but Rodolphus had seen the cunning schemer that lived under the surface.

“First, we all take a vow,” she said, looking determined.

Another fucking vow… If Rodolphus wasn’t careful he would die simply because he had forgotten who he owed what to.

They took it in turns to swear the vow to Narcissa: “Do you, Rodolphus Lestrange, vow to keep any information you learn about the Order a secret from the Dark Lord and all his followers?”

“I will.”

“And will you protect Draco Malfoy and help us keep him safe, by any means necessary?”

He looked at Draco, who was watching with wide eyes.

“I will.”

“And will you vow to protect the identity of all those involved in this plan to assist the Order in defeating the Dark Lord?”

“I will.”

The golden light dissipated as the vow was sealed. Rodolphus looked solemnly towards Severus, who inclined his head in silent support.

~~~~~~~~

Severus Snape

Narcissa called a house-elf to bring some more wine (Rodolphus would be delighted) and a Muscle-Relaxing Potion for Draco. Severus felt a pang of guilt as he watched her fuss over her son; Draco was so pale and gaunt looking. He had watched Draco deteriorate a lot over the past year, both Narcissa and Lucius had wanted him out for a while.

Narcissa had shown up at his house on more than one occasion, ranting about her family being blamed for things out of their control and demanding Severus help them. Severus understood her frustrations; the Malfoys had long become a fun toy for the Dark Lord to play with. His way of showing others what would happen if they failed. Draco had been on the receiving end of the Cruciatus Curse so often, he had developed a permanent tremor in his hands.

Severus had decided that now would be the time to make their move and had orchestrated the meeting this evening. Narcissa had been cautious when Severus had mentioned that Rodolphus would be helping, but even she had seen the change in him. They both knew that something had happened to him during the First Wizarding War; he fought viciously, but not for the reasons others did. Severus had his theories, but he kept them to himself.

“Everyone has sworn the vow, Narcissa, now please enlighten the others,” Severus told her.

She took a deep breath, straightening her already perfect hair. “On the 1st of August, the same day that the Ministry fell, the blood wards at Grimmauld Place notified me that three people had entered the property. The three magical signatures have been there multiple times before… this is where Harry Potter and his friends are hiding.”

“Why are you connected to the blood wards at Grimmauld Place? That Black property is not in your line…” Rodolphus asked. For a man who had consumed at least two bottles of wine solely by himself, he was surprisingly sharp, Severus noted.

“Regulus added me to the wards shortly before he died; I was to go there if I ever needed protection.”

Rodolphus nodded in understanding and took a long drink from his goblet.

“Grimmauld Place is protected by the Fidelius Charm. It’s been a place of interest for the Dark Lord for a long time, but we haven’t been able to locate it as we do not have the address…” Lucius said slowly, eyeing his wife with annoyance written all over his face. He really didn’t like it when Narcissa kept secrets from him. Unfortunately for Lucius, Severus suspected Narcissa had a great many secrets.

“I have always known the address… Severus too.”

Oh here we go.

Severus met Lucius’s glare and coolly lifted his chin, indicating that he couldn’t give a flying fidelius what the man thought of that. Lucius let out a long breath, “So we know where they are, but how do we get them to trust us? In case it hasn’t crossed your mind, none of us are exactly trustworthy in their eyes.”

“I just want it stated for the record that Potter, Granger, and Weasley hate me. They are definitely not going to go out of their way to help me, no matter how useful I may turn out to be,” Draco rolled his eyes, looking put out. “Why can’t I just hide out in one of our properties in France?”

“You could do that…” Severus pinned Draco to the spot with a scowl… “Or you could atone for trying to kill Albus Dumbledore and letting Death Eaters into Hogwarts. If you don’t atone, you might find yourself in Azkaban once this war is over.”

Draco looked uncomfortable. “Right.”

“He didn’t ask for any of that, Severus,” Narcissa told him angrily.

“It doesn’t matter. He still did it, and the Wizengamot will punish him accordingly. They may take his age into account, or they may not. Is that a risk you want to take?”

“Come on, Severus, what’s the plan?” Rodolphus burped, which pushed Narcissa over the edge; she flicked her wand, banishing his goblet. “Hey! That’s not very nice, doesn’t all this talk of treason warrant a few goblets?”

“No.”

“Does my wife fucking a snake-man warrant a few goblets?”

Occluding those torturous mental images away.

“Maybe, but you’ve already had more than a few goblets.”

“Of all the things the Fart Lord could have come back without, it had to be his nose. Fate couldn’t have smiled on us and sent him back sans dick… no justice,” he hiccupped. Severus had to work very hard to keep the smile from his face following that declaration.

“If he wasn’t fucking your wife, Rodolphus, then you would have to,” Severus told him.

“Fair fucking point.”

“Can we please stop talking about whose fucking Aunt Bella?” Draco asked, looking understandably disturbed.

“Language,” Narcissa chided him. Like Draco’s language was their biggest problem right now.

Let’s get this back on track.

“Potter and his friends are currently planning to break into the Ministry of Magic to retrieve something of importance from Dolores Umbridge.” They all cringed at the name. It said a lot about the insufferable woman that she got a bigger reaction than the news that Potter was planning a Ministry heist. “We need to stop them before they move ahead with this ridiculous plan.”

“Right… and then?” Rodolphus lazily encouraged Severus to continue with his hand.

“We present them with the thing they planned to steal from Dolores, to help gain their trust.”

“How might we get this ‘thing’? ” Narcissa asked.

Severus decided that this next sentence could be accompanied by a rare smile, “Rodolphus is going to take her on a date.”

“You can fuck right off!” he yelled.

“It has to be you, Rodolphus,” Severus told him.

“Why?!” he demanded.

“I made it perfectly clear that I didn’t like her when we taught together at Hogwarts, and Lucius is happily married… unlike some,” a smirk slipped out. His face would hurt tomorrow with all these expressions gracing it this evening.

“Come now, Rodolphus, crazy women are your thing!” Lucius added with a laugh.

I haven’t seen Lucius this happy in a while…

“You did promise to keep Draco safe by any means necessary…” Narcissa added coyly, sipping her wine.

“Oh for fuck’s sake! So I take her on a date, get this ‘thing,’ and then what?!”

“How are you going to fake my death?” Draco asked.

Snape removed a potion from his pocket and placed it on the table. “You are going to take a Draught of Living Death, and we are going to tell the Dark Lord you could not take the pressure and killed yourself.”

“That is an exceptionally dangerous potion, Severus!” Narcissa snapped, eyeing it sceptically.

“Not if brewed properly, but I happen to be a Potions Master, in case you have forgotten. I have the antidote right here, which we will administer as soon as the Dark Lord has seen Draco’s body.”

“So then we just turn up on the doorstep of Grimmauld Place, with Draco and the ‘thing,’ and Potter will welcome us with open arms?” Lucius raised an eyebrow.

“I will take Draco to them; the fewer people who know the address the better. I will have someone with me who will help persuade them to take Draco. This person is in agreement that it is a good idea.”

“Fine. So when is all this happening?” Rodolphus asked.

“You need to intercept Dolores on her way to work tomorrow morning. She is desperate to get in with the Dark Lord’s inner circle, so she will jump at the chance to have coffee with you. I will tell you what you need to acquire privately. As with a lot of things, the fewer people who know, the better.”

~~~~~~~~

Rodolphus Lestrange

All this for a fucking necklace…

If Severus wanted a necklace so badly, Rodolphus could have nicked him one of Bella’s out of the vault. He scowled at some passing Ministry employees; they looked far too happy; it was 8am for fuck’s sake. He pulled angrily at his normally dishevelled dark hair, which Narcissa had insisted on washing and styling. She had even put him in some smart dress robes and cast some glamours on his face to hide the worst of the fatigue (hangover). He had looked in a mirror and barely recognised himself; he looked positively normal.

He cast his eyes around the Ministry Atrium. The statue they had installed depicting wizards crushing Muggles was a bit much.

Gold too?! Tacky fucks.

He watched the fireplaces flaring as employees arrived to start their day. Many people avoided his watchful eye, still nervous around the Death Eater whom most probably thought should still be in Azkaban.

Like a beacon in a sea of muted colours, The Pink Demon emerged from one of those fireplaces looking every bit as nightmare inducing as he remembered.

You are doing this for Draco, he told himself as he took a deep breath and approached. She was dressed in a pink tweed two-piece suit with dark pink robes. He looked at her neck, but could only see part of a chain; the rest of the necklace was hidden in her blouse. Still, it must be the one; Severus said she wore nothing else these days.

“Dolores,” he smoothly stepped into her path. “What a wonderful coincidence.”

She clutched her chest in shock. “My goodness, Rodolphus! You took me by surprise.”

I’d rather take you with a Killing Curse.

“My apologies, I did not mean to startle you. I saw you from across the room in this…” He waved his hand at her outfit, trying desperately to think of a compliment for the monstrosity… “bright outfit and couldn’t resist saying hello.”

She let out a sickly sweet giggle, and his balls made a hasty retreat into his body out of fright. “You are too kind, Rodolphus.” She reached out a hand and gripped his arm, squeezing lightly.

Don’t cringe, don’t cringe, don’t cringe. You once fucked your wife; this is nothing…

“Perhaps if you have time, you would allow me to buy you a coffee?”

I hate myself.

She giggled again, moving closer. There would be no persuading his balls back out now. R.I.P. his balls. His balls were no more. They had gone into permanent hibernation. Out of all the sacrifices he had made in his life, this could be counted as one of the worst.

“That would be delightful, I have an hour until I am due in the Courtroom…” She was smiling up at him. He forced a smile in return… Salazar knew how painful it must look.

“Excellent, let’s get coffee at the stand here and then go for a walk around the park outside.” He led her towards the coffee stand.

“The park? Why Rodolphus, are you trying to get me alone?” she giggled again.

Yes, so I can steal your jewellery and get the fuck out of here.

“My dear, you can see right through me.” He really had to fight his gag reflex to get that one out. He vaguely wondered how much Lucius would offer him for this memory. If he could remove it permanently from his mind and earn some money, then perhaps his balls may grace him with their presence again.

Once he had purchased their drinks, of course The Pink Demon went for some floral pink herbal tea bullshit, they made their way out via the visitor entrance. Luckily, the park was deserted at this early hour of the morning, which made his next task infinitely easier. The Pink Demon walked close, making sure that their arms brushed together every step they took. Rodolphus gritted his teeth. The sleeping draught he had slipped in her tea was Narcissa’s idea, however, it would take at least ten minutes before it took effect, and Rodolphus was already at the end of his rope when it came to patience. The balls situation had him very upset.

“Oh, look at that pink flower!” he exclaimed, pointing at nothing in particular. As soon as she turned away from him to look, he hit her with a Stunning Spell. Unfortunately for The Pink Demon, it had rained quite a lot last night, and she ended up falling face first into a rather wet and muddy flowerbed.

He quickly set to work, casting a Notice-Me-Not Spell around them as he turned her over and removed the necklace from around her neck. The moment he touched it, the thrum of a familiar Dark magic engulfed him. “Bloody hell!” he exclaimed, holding the locket up to study it. The gold oval locket had a green jewel encrusted S on the front. She was related to the Selwyns; maybe this was a piece of ancestral jewellery. Either way, it was dark… and powerful… he also couldn’t explain why it felt somewhat familiar. He shook himself; there was no time to waste pondering this. He pulled out an old necklace of Bella’s and altered it with a few spells to resemble the one he had just stolen. He put the replacement around The Pink Demon’s neck and put the original in his pocket.

Once he was done, he stood up and stared down at her unconscious body. He probably spent more time than necessary debating what kind of excuse he could use for leaving her in the dirt. But really, there was none that wouldn’t raise suspicion. He had, no doubt, been spotted leaving the Ministry with her. He mentally prepared himself and sent a silent apology to his balls, in the hopes that they may forgive him. Rodolphus pointed his wand towards her and brought her back to consciousness.

“Dolores! Are you ok? One minute you were walking beside me and the next you were in a flowerbed! Did you faint?” Rodolphus pretended to look concerned. Perhaps Severus would present him with some kind of award for this performance.

“Oh… I…” She looked at herself covered in mud and flushed red. “Apologies Rodolphus, I don’t know what came over me.”

“Let me escort you back to the Ministry.” He pulled her up more roughly than he intended, and she fell against him, latching on with all her might.

Fuck, this necklace better be worth it.

“Thank you so much for looking after me; you are so kind! I don’t know how I might repay you…” Her hand migrated south towards his rear. If his cock could join his balls in the safety of his body, he thought it probably would.

“No need to repay me; I just want to see you well again.” he tried for a smile but was pretty sure it came out as a grimace. He stumbled with her towards the gate that led out of the stupid park.

“Oh no, I want to repay you.” Her hand cupped his arse and squeezed.

DON’T HEX HER, RODOLPHUS!

“Dolores!” He dropped his voice in an urgent whisper, “Don’t forget who I am married to; we can’t be seen like this…” He forcibly removed her hand.

“Quite right… I will send you an owl,” she winked and stumbled her way back into the Ministry.

Rodolphus stared blankly at the place The Pink Demon had just occupied and wondered what his new life of celibacy would be like.

Chapter Text

Severus Snape

“She felt me up, Severus! Squeezed places that she had no right to squeeze. I’m going to have nightmares about it!”

He actually fell for it.

Severus didn’t even try to hide his amusement as Rodolphus recounted his unfortunate experience with Dolores Umbridge. There were very few things to smile about in his life, but occasions such as this warranted a slight quirk of the lips.

“You actually implied it was a date then? I thought you might have realised there were other options…” He raised an eyebrow.

“You told me to ask her out! I bought her a drink and went for a walk around a park with her! What other options?!”

Oh, this is just too good.

“Well, you could have stunned her when she was on her way home from the Ministry…”

“Are you serious?!”

Severus shrugged at him.

“My balls have been permanently lodged inside my body ever since she laid eyes on me! Are you saying I could have just hexed her from behind a bush? Even you could have done it; it didn’t even need to be me!”

“It did need to be you,” Severus told him. He watched in amusement as Rodolphus marched over to the drinks cabinet in Lucius’s Study, pulled out a very expensive red wine and proceeded to drink straight from the bottle. “Lucius won’t be pleased,” he noted dryly, nodding towards the bottle.

“Lucius can eat my arse,” Rodolphus retorted.

Well that is a mental image I did not need.

“I will most certainly not be ‘eating your arse’,” came the indignant voice of Lucius Malfoy. “And what did I say about the good wine?!”

“‘Always use a goblet’… and I would if your wife would stop banishing them.”

Lucius let out a huff and sat down on the leather sofa next to Severus. “You’re sure about this plan, Severus?” he asked.

“As sure as I can be,” Severus swirled the wine in his goblet. “We both know that Draco cannot stay here. He does not have it in him to kill, and the Dark Lord will get bored of torturing him soon enough.”

Lucius nodded. “What if Potter and his friends don’t want him?”

“Potter has a hero complex, and Granger can’t say no to someone in need. The only one who will cause trouble is the Weasley boy, but he will be outnumbered. I actually don’t think Draco will be the issue, in fact, I’m quite sure I will be the issue.”

Narcissa rushed into the room, looking flustered. She cast an annoyed look at Rodolphus, who saluted her with the wine he was already halfway through consuming. “He’s here, is everything ready?”

“Indeed. Let’s go and kill your son.”

~~~~~~~~

Severus Snape

“You’re sure this won’t kill me?” Draco asked him, eyeing the Draught of Living Death apprehensively.

“There’s always a chance,” Severus shrugged, looking bored.

“Your bedside manner needs some work.”

“I’m not here to coddle you, Draco, I’m here to save your life. Take the potion as instructed, and you will be fine. Honestly, I would be more worried about Miss Granger; she has a history of decorating your face with bruises, does she not? Although, I daresay they were warranted.”

Draco huffed, “You’re passing me from one violent delinquent to another.”

“I always quite enjoyed your verbal sparring matches with her; they provided much entertainment.”

It was true. Teaching was definitely not his forte; in fact, he despised children, and the only thing that brought him joy was when they came up with inventive ways to torture one another. He especially enjoyed when he could punish them for it. Severus smiled to himself, thinking back to the time when he had caught Blaise Zabini asleep outside the Slytherin Common Room; his friends had changed the password whilst he was off having fun with a Beauxbaton witch. Severus had woken him up with a rather powerful Stinging Jinx to the arse and made him clean toilets without magic for a week.

Good times…

“You look far too happy; it’s unnerving,” Draco grumbled.

Severus smirked at him as he left to join the others in the dining room. Dinner was much the same as usual; everyone remained silent, trying their best to avoid the Dark Lord’s attention. All apart from Bella, of course, who was pawing at the Dark Lord like a woman possessed. This was where Occlumency did not help. He could shut off his own thoughts, but when the nightmare was visually present there was no getting rid of it. He took inspiration from Rodolphus and drank wine to numb the mental torture.

A loud crack made them all jump.

“Sorry I is disturbing dinner!” The house-elf looked terrified, which was hardly surprising given the murderous look on the Dark Lord’s face. “Mistress, Master Draco is in the Entrance Hall, he is… unwell… very unwell, you must come quick.”

Severus always knew Narcissa was good at acting, but this was a whole new level of dramatics that even he was begrudgingly impressed by. She was hysterically sobbing over the ‘body’ of her son in the Entrance Hall of Malfoy Manor as the Dark Lord watched on in annoyance.

“He just couldn’t take it anymore!” she wailed.

“He was weak, Cissa! It is a great honour to serve the Dark Lord. Draco threw his opportunity away!”

A rather interesting way of comforting a grieving sister…

Rodolphus, who had secured his goblet to his hand with a Sticking Charm so that Narcissa couldn’t banish it (a rather genius move), was watching the proceedings with a bored expression. Severus gave him a pointed look, and he immediately changed his features into an expression of sadness. “Lucius, let’s open that 55-year-old single malt Firewhisky so we can toast your boy.”

Ever the opportunist… Severus fought off an eye roll whilst Lucius scowled at him.

“Narcissa, is all this noise really necessary?” the Dark Lord demanded. Narcissa flinched, then quickly clenched her jaw in anger. Severus would have paid good money to hear the rather colourful response he was sure she wanted to fire back following that statement.

“My Lord, please forgive my wife. I know that Draco did not live up to your expectations, but he was still our son,” Lucius bowed his head respectfully. Luckily for Lucius, the Dark Lord was already bored of this unfortunate turn of events, because the man was definitely not giving off a convincing ‘I’m so distressed at my son’s untimely death’ vibe.

“Severus, can anything be done?” Rodolphus asked him dramatically.

Fucking Rodolphus; why is he even asking that?!

“He is dead. I know a great deal about many things, but the art of necromancy is not one of them.”

“Pity,” Bella noted thoughtfully. “Necromancy might come in useful, I have always wanted to study it.”

Well there’s a surprise.

“I agree with you, Darling; necromancy could be useful! Perhaps you and Severus could work together on this little project. It could really grow our numbers and give us an advantage if we find ourselves in a battle.” If Rodolphus’s balls were not in hiding right now, Severus would have hexed them off.

“It might,” the Dark Lord agreed, looking thoughtful.

Oh sweet Salazar, he can’t be serious…

“It would be an honour to work with Severus on this important task, my Lord,” Bellatrix simpered.

The Dark Lord looked to him, and Severus bowed his head respectfully. “Keep me informed on your progress,” he commanded, before waving his hand towards Draco. “Dispose of the body however you see fit; it’s no real loss.”

Severus had to force his features to remain neutral as overwhelming anger flowed through him at those words; the Dark Lord had said something similar when Severus had begged him to spare Lily’s life: ‘I will try, but if she does die, it’s no real loss.’

“My Lord, let’s return to Lestrange Manor. I have a surprise for you,” Bellatrix chuckled whilst stroking a hand down the Dark Lord’s arm and biting her lip suggestively.

And it’s time to occlude…

As soon as they had disappeared, Rodolphus rounded on him. “Stop occluding, Severus! If the rest of us have to deal with the mental images, then so do you!”

“I can’t help it if I am exceptional at mind magic and you are not,” he drawled.

“Whilst she’s asleep, I’m going to steal her memories of the event and shove them in your Pensieve!”

“Why are you telling me? Now I know to check,” he rolled his eyes.

Amateur.

“If you two are quite finished!” Narcissa snapped angrily. “My son needs reviving!”

Severus momentarily wondered if he could convince Narcissa to leave Draco unconscious until after he had been delivered to Grimmauld Place. It would probably be much easier to convince Potter and friends to take him if he wasn’t showering them with his usual ‘charm.’ However, the look on Narcissa’s face told him that this request would not have been met with the warmest of receptions. Severus removed the Wiggenweld Potion from the pocket in his robes and smeared some over Draco’s lips, being careful not to apply too much. If the boy died, Severus was quite sure Narcissa would ensure that he swiftly followed.

“I feel awful,” Draco groaned as he came around.

“To be expected,” he stated.

“Here, take this.” Lucius gave Draco some Pepper-Up Potion which wouldn’t help in the slightest, but Severus didn’t say anything. Lucius needed to do something to help alleviate his guilt.

“When are we leaving?” Draco asked hesitantly.

“You have thirty minutes to freshen up, get your things, say your goodbyes, and then we must go.”

Draco, Narcissa, and Lucius hurried away at his words.

Rodolphus swaggered over to him, looking far too pleased with himself. “I do hope you enjoy your necromancy studies with Bella.”

Arsehole.

“Was that really necessary?”

“No, but it was funny,” the smug idiot proceeded to laugh as he moved towards the armchairs in front of the fireplace. “Do you know what else is funny? That necklace…” Severus sent him a warning look; Rodolphus had been told not to talk about it… “It felt familiar.”

“You have been around dark artefacts your whole life; that’s hardly surprising,” Severus replied, sitting in the chair next to him.

“Hmm, I suppose.” Rodolphus drank some more wine before changing the subject. “The Pink Demon sent me an owl whilst we were having dinner; she has asked if I would like to go to her house for tea! For tea! I bet that is code for ‘I want to rough fuck you until you get nice pink friction burns to match my lovely pink robes.’.”

And there are some more mental images I did not need…

Severus quirked an eyebrow at him. “I do hope you accept; I have a running bet with Flitwick that her whole house is covered in cat plates. If I win, he has to cover my detentions for a month… although, I daresay he isn’t speaking to me after the Dumbledore incident.”

“Incident…?!” Rodolphus scoffed. “You blasted the old fucker off the Astronomy Tower with a Killing Curse! I’m sure that all the teachers are secretly planning your demise. Especially now you have been announced as the new headmaster.”

“Hmm, that is where you are wrong.”

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

Draco had experienced a lot of bad days over the past few years, and he should have been extremely happy to be escaping the infernal nightmare that was his existence at the Manor. However, he was now being gifted to three people who probably despised him more than the Dark Lord did. Was their despise for him warranted? Absolutely. Draco had been awful to them all through school. Something he had slight regrets about now, given the circumstances.

At least Snape seemed adamant that Draco would be able to help Potter, Weasley, and Granger. He hoped it was true or he would need to find some other way to get the Wizengamot on his side. When this war was over, Draco wanted to lead a quiet life studying and creating potions. Of course, that would only be possible if the Order won. If they didn’t win, he would have to move abroad and start a new life as someone else.

I could be Clint Monroe, Potions Master in training.

“Darling, stop daydreaming, and help us pack your things.” His mother was folding clothes into his old school trunk. The Extension Charm was coming in handy as his mother didn’t pack light, and given that they didn’t know how long Draco would be gone for, or where he was going, she would probably pack much more than was necessary.

“Do I really need four sets of dress robes?” he huffed. “I doubt there will be any Balls or Galas to attend.”

“Humour your mother, Draco; this is hard for her,” his father told him. “Has the Pepper-Up Potion helped you feel better?”

No, I still feel like shit.

“A bit. Where is my broom?” he asked, looking around for his Firebolt; it was usually on its stand by the door.

“I’ve already packed it, along with some food, healing supplies, money - both wizard and Muggle currency - and a bottle of your father’s favourite Firewhisky. I thought you could use the Firewhisky as a peace offering.” His mother tried to smile encouragingly, but the worry in her eyes spoiled the effect.

Guilt engulfed him as he looked at her; she needed to know that he was going to be ok. Given his history with Potter and the others, she was worried that Draco would suffer, and, even though he had no doubt that he would, she didn’t need to worry about that. “It will be fine, Mother, and thank you, Father, for donating a bottle of your favourite Firewhisky to the cause… very kind.”

His father sighed. “Everyone seems determined to rid me of my best alcohol, but at least this bottle isn’t going to Rodolphus.”

Draco picked up some of his more casual clothes from the wardrobe and added them to the trunk. If Potter or Weasley caught him walking around in dress robes, he would never hear the end of it. He paused in front of his bookcase, wondering which books to take with him. It would be strange not having access to the Manor Library. He selected ten of his favourite books, which mostly consisted of books on potions or flying.

“Draco…” his mother began as they closed the trunk; her concerned green eyes made a lump form in his throat… “I know you don’t want to do this, but you need to try and make this work. I trust Severus, and if he says that you can help Mr. Potter and his friends, then I know you can. The only person likely to get in the way of that is you, but you must approach this opportunity with an open mind and do whatever you can to prove yourself. Our family has made some mistakes…” his father shifted uncomfortably next to her… “but you have a chance to make things right.”

A strong swirl of dread entered his stomach. “I know, Mother; I will do my best,” he told her. He meant it. His priority was keeping his family safe, and the only way he could do that was by getting rid of the Dark Lord. If that meant he had to suck up to Potter, Granger, and Weasley for a while, then he would do it.

I just need to keep reminding myself of that when Weasley inevitably tests my self-restraint on a daily basis.

“Son…” His father gripped his shoulder… “I’m sorry that my bad decisions have gotten you into this mess.”

Draco swallowed. His father didn’t apologise often, in fact, Draco had only heard his father apologise a handful of times and that was either to his mother or the Dark Lord.

“We’ll get through it,” he replied quietly.

His mother cast a Featherlight Charm on his trunk, and they made their way back to the Entrance Hall, where Snape and Rodolphus were waiting.

“Ready?” Snape asked, rising from an armchair.

No…

“Took you long enough,” Rodolphus added.

“Mother couldn’t decide how many dress robes to pack,” he told them with a playful roll of his eyes.

“You love your dress robes!” she insisted

Because the witches love how I look in them…

“It’s time to go,” Snape told them.

Draco was pulled into a hug by his mother; he squeezed her tightly, desperately wishing that he could take her with him.

“My darling…” she whispered softly in his ear so that only he could hear… “If you need anything or find yourself in trouble, go to your grandmother’s cottage on the outskirts of Bath. It is secure and well stocked; you will be safe there.”

“Thank you,” he whispered back.

“Son, I hope to see you soon.” His father held out a hand for him to shake. Draco shook it, feeling like he was sealing a business deal rather than leaving home for an unconfirmed amount of time.

Rodolphus approached him. “Such a shame you had to die, Draco; you were always my favourite, much more fun than your father. Now what parting words of advice can I give you? Hmm, if things get tough, just get drunk?… Tends to work for me.” And with that miraculous piece of advice, he smacked Draco on the shoulder and downed what was left in his goblet.

Draco had always liked Rodolphus; he had accompanied his mother on the odd visit to Azkaban when she went to visit him. She had always claimed that Rodolphus was a complicated man, but not inherently bad. They used to do the puzzles in his newspapers together, although he had been banned from visiting for a while after Rodolphus requested that Draco send him some adult magazines. He was 12 at the time and didn’t even know such magazines existed. Needless to say, he was very familiar with them now.

Snape grabbed some Floo powder and indicated that Draco should join him in the fireplace. He gave his mother one last hug, wondering if he would ever see her again, before joining him.

“Headmaster’s Office, Hogwarts School,” Snape announced clearly.

“You’re late,” came a rather familiar voice as they stumbled out of the fireplace into the headmaster’s office at Hogwarts.

“Apologies, Minerva. Draco couldn’t decide which dress robes to pack.” Snape looked rather amused. He wouldn’t be taking the piss, if he knew how many times Draco had gotten laid whilst in dress robes.

“Mr. Malfoy, I trust you are ok?” McGonagall asked, looking concerned. That was unexpected. The last time he had seen McGonagall, she had just been injured by the Death Eaters that he had let into the school. She should be disgusted with him; Salazar knew Draco was disgusted with himself.

“I’m fine. Are you ok, Professor?”

“Quite alright,” she told him brusquely.

“It takes more than a curse to take down Professor McGonagall,” the newly added Portrait of Albus Dumbledore said fondly from the wall above the desk.

Draco couldn’t take the guilt which was currently threatening to overwhelm him. Before he could stop himself, he blurted, “I’m sorry, Professor!”

“As am I; we should have done more to protect you from what was happening,” she told him, her features softening slightly. He fidgeted, trying to discreetly pull his sleeve down to make sure the Dark Mark was hidden.

Snape’s sharp eyes noticed. “There are a few things we need to discuss, and your Dark Mark is one of them. Should the Dark Lord put out a summons for all his Death Eaters to join him, it will burn as usual and will continue burning until the summons is answered or until the meeting has concluded. At which time, anyone who didn’t respond to the summons would be hunted down and dealt with. Obviously, the Dark Lord won’t be hunting you down as you are ‘dead,’ but it will still feel rather unpleasant. I suggest you use this numbing cream.” Snape handed him a glass pot of lavender smelling cream. Draco took it and added it to his case with a nod of thanks.

“Give him the Sword, Severus!” the Portrait of Albus Dumbledore called enthusiastically. Snape let out an exasperated breath; he clearly had as much patience with the Portrait as he did with the real man.

McGonagall picked up a rather ornate sword laying on the headmaster’s desk. “This, Mr. Malfoy, is the Sword of Gryffindor, we believe it will come in useful.”

Not sure why I would need a Sword when I have my wand…

Draco took the Sword from her hesitantly; he wouldn’t put it past a Sword once belonging to the founder of Gryffindor to take a dislike to someone from Slytherin House. Nothing happened. It just seemed like a regular sword: very shiny and very sharp.

“When we arrive at Grimmauld Place, I would strongly advise that you keep your mouth shut and allow Minerva or myself to handle the talking. This will not be easy. Mr. Potter still thinks I am a traitor after what I did to Albus…”

“Because of me,” Draco cut in, feeling nauseous. He had liked Dumbledore, the man had always treated him with respect even when Draco offered none in return. If he had approached Dumbledore and told him what the Dark Lord had asked of him, he knew Dumbledore would have helped.

“Not everything is quite what it seems, Draco. I do not wish to repeat myself multiple times this evening, so you will have to wait until we are with Mr. Potter for the explanation,” Snape told him.

“For now, take comfort in the fact that I would not be sitting here if Severus had killed Albus in cold blood,” Minerva told him.

It made no sense to Draco; Snape had made an Unbreakable Vow to his mother confirming that he would carry out the task Draco had been given if Draco could not. That was why Snape had killed Dumbledore. He spotted the Portrait of the man in question looking down at him with an amused sparkle in his eye.

That’s unnerving.

“Mr. Malfoy, I agree with Severus that you could offer valuable information and resources to Harry, Ron, and Hermione whilst they are on their quest. But given the history you have with them, I’m sure you can understand why I may have some reservations. I would like your word that you will not only help them, but also remain loyal to them.”

“Just my word?” he asked hesitantly. “Would you not prefer me to make an Unbreakable Vow?”

“I do not believe in forcing people to do what I want. I believe people should always have a choice, and I am asking you to choose to be helpful and loyal to some schoolmates who desperately need all the help and loyalty they can get right now.”

He thought over her words. His choices were either to help Potter or go into hiding. The Draco from a few years ago would probably have taken the easy route and gone into hiding. However, the Draco who had been dragged through hell and back over the past year wanted to play a part in the Dark Lord’s downfall. This was a fight he needed to fight, not just for him and his family, but for future generations who didn’t deserve to grow up in a world in which the Dark Lord ruled.

“If they will allow it, Professor, I will assist them in any way I can, and I will remain loyal whilst doing so,” he told her.

Chapter Text

Draco Malfoy

Snape whispered, “Number 12 Grimmauld Place, Islington,” into Draco’s ear shortly before apparating them both onto the doorstep. Draco peered around; it looked like they were in Muggle London in front of a rather tall townhouse.

McGonagall moved forwards first, opening the door with a tap of her wand. “Make sure you stay behind me,” she told them sternly.

“You’re sure the spells that Alastor set up to stop me entering have been de-activated?” Snape hissed.

Draco noticed that he had not moved past the top step.

“Who’s there?!” came a voice from somewhere within; it sounded like Potter. Draco looked around McGonagall but could only see a dark hallway.

“Quite sure, Severus; get in and close the door,” Minerva hissed. “Harry, it’s me, Professor McGonagall. Please come out and don’t overreact when you see who I am with.”

You know the headmaster you loved? I have brought his want-to-be murderer and actual murder with me. Please do stay calm! Draco shook his head in exasperation; this was a stupid idea.

“What was the first thing you said when Ron and I came to your office in second year after his broken wand accidentally stuck our hands together?” Potter called.

“Oh, for goodness sake!” McGonagall exclaimed.

“He is right to check if it’s you, Minerva…” Snape told her… “I’m actually begrudgingly impressed he remembered to do it.”

McGonagall gave him a scathing look. “‘Oh, for goodness sake’ is actually what I said when they turned up in my office stuck together; I was answering the question.”

Draco bit back his laugh; now probably wasn’t an appropriate time.

A door at the end of the hallway creaked open, and Potter emerged holding his wand high with Weasley and Granger behind him. They looked much the same as they had when he had last set eyes on them at Hogwarts, although they were all wearing Muggle jeans and jumpers rather than their school uniform. Granger had her hair tamed by way of a braid hanging over one shoulder; he noticed her eyes widen in shock as she took him in, but thankfully all their wands were aimed at Snape.

“What the fuck are they doing here?!” Weasley growled, jabbing his wand towards him and Snape. Draco had half a mind to duck; Weasley’s wand had a history of unpredictability, much like him. Given the overwhelming feeling of hostility being sent their way, Draco decided to do what he did best and adopt carefree sarcasm as a coping mechanism.

“Admiring what you’ve done with the place, I admit it’s been a long time since I’ve visited,” he replied, pretending to look around. He indicated to some of the cobwebs hanging from the ceiling with his wand, “You could have cleaned.”

“Expelliarmus,” Potter caught Draco’s wand out of the air as it flew towards him.

“Well that was rude,” he huffed with a roll of his eyes.

Probably a good thing they gave me a Sword…

“Mr. Malfoy, do you remember what we said about me doing the talking?” McGonagall gave him a stern look.

Right…

“A Malfoy in my humble home? What an honour it is!” Draco peered curiously at the talking curtain beside him. “Open my curtain, let me see you.”

“Do not open that curtain, Malfoy!” Potter commanded.

Draco opened the curtain. “Well, if it isn’t the magnificent Walburga Black,” he exclaimed, pretending to be delighted to see her. Truth be told, she had a rather colourful reputation in the Black family; she was a strong blood purist and enjoyed chopping the heads off of her house-elves. Still, it was nice that someone was pleased to see him here. “Don’t you look radiant?!”

She chuckled, “You honour my home with your presence, handsome boy; it has been a long time since I have had a worthy visitor.” Draco shot a smug look over at Potter and Weasley. All three of the Golden Trio were staring between him and the Portrait with varying expressions of shock, confusion, and repulsion.

Potter shook himself, “Professor, please explain why Dumbledore’s murderer is here!”

“VILE FILTH, MUDBLOODS, AND BLOOD TRAITORS, YOU DEFILE THE SACRED HOUSE OF BLACK!”

Draco’s eyes widened as he looked between Walburga and Potter.

So that’s why he didn’t want me opening the curtain… how fun.

“Wow, she doesn’t like you. I’m surprised you haven’t taken her down yet.”

Walburga smiled pleasantly at him, “Handsome Heir of the prestigious House of Malfoy…” Draco could definitely get used to this… “the blood traitors can’t remove me, I am stuck up with a permanent Sticking Charm.” Draco couldn’t help it, he laughed.

Trust the Blacks.

“Perhaps we should go through to another room; it’s a bit distracting out here,” McGonagall interrupted, glaring at Draco.

“With all due respect, Professor, we won’t be going anywhere until someone explains why Snape is here,” Granger told her firmly. She flicked her wand at the Portrait to close the curtain and shot Draco a look that dared him to open it again. He smirked back at her, fighting the urge to do just that; he suspected McGonagall would not be pleased though, and that woman scared him a lot more than Granger did.

McGonagall sighed. “Severus killed Dumbledore for two reasons: the first was because he needed to protect Draco, and the second was because Dumbledore asked him to.”

“What?!” Potter rather ineloquently stuttered.

“Albus was already dying; do you remember his hand?” Everyone remembered the blackened hand that Dumbledore had suddenly acquired over the summer before sixth year. There were lots of rumors about it, some of the more outlandish ones were created by Slytherins of course. Theo managed to convince a load of first years that it happened when you wanked too much. “He was infected with a curse after he put on the Ring. Severus managed to contain the curse to his hand temporarily, but he didn’t have long left. Dumbledore knew of Mr. Malfoy’s task, which had been forced upon him by You-Know-Who, and made sure that Severus would be the one to kill him, sparing Mr. Malfoy of the emotional trauma.”

Draco looked between Snape and McGonagall with wide eyes. He had definitely not been spared the emotional trauma; he was full of it, but, thankfully, he hadn’t been forced to murder his headmaster. Not that he would have been able to anyway; he knew deep down he could never have done it.

“Of course, I don’t expect you to take my word for it. We have brought a Pensieve and can show you.”

“We also brought you this.” Snape pulled out the locket Rodolphus had secured from Dolores Umbridge and threw it at Potter, who snatched it out of the air.

“Holy crickets!” Granger exclaimed.

Holy crickets?! Who says that?!

Draco made a mental note to improve her vocabulary of acceptable swear words; no self-respecting teenager should ever say holy crickets.

“But how?” Weasley asked, looking shocked. “No one knows about what we’re doing!”

Snape rolled his eyes. “Dumbledore had to entrust the information to me when I found him dying on his office floor. I entrusted Minerva with the information because I needed a contact within the Order who still trusted me.”

“And Malfoy?” Granger asked, looking at him curiously.

“I haven’t got a fucking clue what any of you are talking about,” he told her with a smile.

“Lower your wands; let’s go through to the kitchen and set up the Pensieve.” McGonagall didn’t wait for a response before moving forwards.

Draco hovered by the kitchen door, watching as Snape took out the shrunken-down Pensieve, placed it on the table, and enlarged it. Snape must have borrowed it from his father, as he recognised it as the one from his father’s study at the Manor. Potter, Weasley, and Granger were clearly on edge; even though their wands were not pointed at him or Snape, they still had a firm grip on them.

Once the Pensieve was ready, Draco stepped forward only to be blocked by McGonagall. “No, Mr. Malfoy, you will wait here with me,” she told him.

“Why? I’m supposed to help them; how can I do that if I don’t know the situation?”

“Help?” Potter looked confused.

“If at some point Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, and Miss Granger deem you trustworthy enough, then they will tell you themselves. You will wait here with me.”

“I’m confused,” Weasley muttered.

For the first time in my life, I have something in common with Weasley. What a depressing fucking day.

“Just go into the Pensieve, see what Severus has to show you, and then we can talk more,” McGonagall told them.

Salazar! This is going to drive me crazy.

I hate not knowing things.

When Potter and Co. emerged back out of the Pensieve they looked… shocked. No one said anything; they just kept exchanging worried glances with one another.

“There is more to show, but that is for another time,” Snape told them as they collapsed into rickety wooden chairs around the kitchen table.

A loud crack made Draco jump. “Mistress has informed Kreacher of the Malfoy Heir’s visit,” the old house-elf rasped whilst squinting at Draco closely, trying to get him in focus. “Yes, yes, a great pleasure indeed.” Draco smiled smugly as the house-elf pulled out a chair and encouraged him to sit down. “Only the best china will do for such an occasion.”

“What best china?” Potter asked, looking annoyed.

“Great service here, Potter,” he told him as the house-elf came back with some very expensive looking Elvern china and solid gold cutlery. He set the table around Draco, ignoring everyone else, and disappeared again to get the food.

“Where did that come from?” Weasley exclaimed.

The house-elf came back with a platter of food for Draco. “Does Master Draco require anything else from Kreacher?”

“My house-elf does these fruity cocktail things that taste amazing; you can’t even tell there’s alcohol in them.” Draco didn’t think Snape could look any more unimpressed with him. Even McGonagall was pursing her lips so tight they were turning white.

At least staying here won’t be so bad after all…

“I know of it; I will be back momentarily.” Kreacher reappeared a moment later holding a cocktail glass with a pink-red liquid in it. “Is this to your liking, Master Draco?”

“Perfect. Thanks, Kreacher.” He winked at Granger. “I don’t normally thank house-elves; I did that for you.”

Her mouth dropped open as a multitude of emotions graced her face: shock, annoyance, frustration, indignation… but he also noted a slight blush. That was the one incredible thing about Granger; you could read her face like a book. She was going to be incredibly fun to play with. He leaned back in his chair, sipping the cocktail and skewered some chicken with the solid gold fork. “Honestly Potter, I love your house-elf; he puts mine to shame.”

Potter gave him an annoyed look as he yelled, “KREACHER!”

The house-elf reappeared with an annoyed look of his own. “Yes…” Draco had honestly never heard a house-elf answer with such unadulterated disdain before. Potter hadn’t even spoken before the old elf started muttering to himself… “The fake Master is always ordering Kreacher around, making him do his errands, making him be polite to the Mudblood…”

Draco looked at Granger who was clearly uncomfortable.

“That’s enough!” Potter interrupted him. “Could you bring some food for the rest of us?”

“Of course.” Kreacher looked like he would rather throw Potter off a cliff. The house-elf appeared a moment later with a tray of sad looking sandwiches. Draco turned his laugh into a cough as he continued eating his bountiful platter of meats and cheeses.

“So it was all part of Dumbledore’s own plan?” Granger asked Snape.

“Indeed…”

“And you weren’t supposed to tell us?” Weasley asked, looking confused. Draco wondered if he should tell Snape and McGonagall to speak slowly so that Weasley could keep up.

“Not this early into your task, but Minerva and I both agreed that it would be better for you to be made aware.”

Not me though, perfectly acceptable to keep me in the dark…

“Albus was a very secretive person; he thought the fewer people who knew about your task the better. It is true, of course, we can’t risk You-Know-Who finding out until the time is right, but it is a big burden which has been placed on you, and we thought you could use all the help you could get,” McGonagall added.

“We have been making plans to get the Locket for weeks…” Granger said, looking at it laying on the table.

“Yes.” Snape rolled his eyes. “I heard all about your plan to break into the Ministry to steal this from Umbridge…” Draco raised his eyebrows… “It was a stupid plan and unnecessarily dangerous. I thought better of you, Miss Granger.”

Granger immediately went bright red. She should be used to Snape chastising her by now, he did it often enough during lessons.

“Gryffindors,” Draco added with a shake of his head towards Snape, resulting in every single person in the kitchen giving him an annoyed look.

Tough crowd…

“How did you hear about our plan?” Potter asked.

“Did you know that Phineas Nigellus Black was a headmaster at Hogwarts? He has a frame here at Grimmauld Place and one in the headmaster’s office. He does love to gossip…” Snape raised an eyebrow at Potter letting him work out the rest.

The trio shared worried looks with each other. “Are there other Portraits here like that?”

“None reporting to the Dark Lord or his inner circle, if that is what you are worried about. However, there is always a chance that someone will find a Portrait that can spy on you. That is why you must leave Grimmauld Place tomorrow morning at the latest.”

Potter and Granger shared a look at this; they were clearly having a silent conversation whilst Weasley was none the wiser.

“Why is Malfoy here?” Weasley asked, eyeing him angrily as Draco continued sipping his cocktail.

“Mr. Malfoy became somewhat of an annoyance to the Dark Lord, and it was very likely that he would have been killed sooner rather than later. So we faked his death and removed him from the situation. Both Minerva and I agree that he could be very helpful on your… quest,” Snape said the last part with a slight smile of amusement.

The man just lives for drama.

“Absolutely not!” Weasley spat.

“Why did You-Know-Who want to kill him?” Granger asked as though he wasn’t there.

Rude.

“I can think of a number of reasons,” Weasley muttered.

Draco rolled his eyes dramatically; this was going exactly the way he had expected, with the added bonus of decent food and a cocktail.

“Mr. Malfoy proved to the Dark Lord that he is not cut out to be a Death Eater. He has failed in every task given to him, and when the Dark Lord decides you are no longer of use and gets bored of you…” Snape left the rest up to interpretation.

“Right, but why does he have to come with us?” Potter asked.

“He can help you. You may not believe it right now, but he can if you give him a chance,” McGonagall told them kindly.

“You want to help us?” Granger asked him skeptically.

Urgh, here we go…

“I want to protect my family, Granger.”

She looked down at the table, shifting uncomfortably.

“To do that, I need the Dark Lord gone. If helping you achieves that, then yes, I want to help you. I appreciate you may not believe me; we have a history after all…” He took a deep breath… “I will make an Unbreakable Vow with one of you if you require it.”

“We don’t need you!” Weasley told him immediately.

Draco ignored him, choosing to watch Potter and Granger instead, who were both looking at him intently as they tried to make up their minds.

“I don’t know what he would be able to do for us that we can’t do ourselves…” Potter said, looking thoughtful.

Look stunning in dress robes? Someone has to bring the class…

McGonagall was about to say something, but Draco interrupted her, “Well firstly, Potter, did you have any idea that you had Elvern china or solid gold cutlery before today? The cutlery is probably worth enough to buy a second home should you want somewhere that looks less pureblood-chic. Also…”

As he pushed himself up and marched back into the corridor, he heard the scraping of chairs as the others rushed to follow him. He pulled open the curtains in front of the Portrait of Walburga Black. “Don’t mind me, Walburga,” he said as he yanked the massive frame off the wall. She began wailing hysterically. “Be quiet,” he told her as he leaned the frame against the wall, and she promptly shut up.

“How did you do that?!” Potter asked.

“My mother is a Black, therefore I have Black blood running in my veins. The Portrait is only stuck permanently to those who have little to no Black blood; it’s a common trick purebloods use to stop their houses being sold to those out of their bloodlines. There you go, I have just proved that I’m useful and can do things that you can’t… Yay for me. KREACHER!” The house-elf appeared. “Another cocktail please, and bring one for everyone else. There’s a good elf.”

“Right away, Master Malfoy.” He bowed low and disappeared.

“And you are also about to taste the best cocktail ever invented thanks to me, now please can I come on your little quest and help rid the world of the Dark wizard?!”

It looked like McGonagall didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at this little performance.

Honestly, she thought I wouldn’t be able to prove myself…

“Cutlery, cocktails, and a Portrait removal, oh yeah you’re so useful,” Weasley scoffed.

Wanker.

“You’re sure we should take him?” Granger asked McGonagall. Weasley looked at her like she had lost her mind, and Draco smirked at him.

“Yes, Miss Granger. Aside from this bizarre demonstration he has just given us, he knows things that you three do not… The Malfoy Library is extensive, holding volumes long since lost or forgotten, and from what I hear, Mr. Malfoy has read through most of it. He is highly intelligent, an excellent Potioneer, and let’s not forget he has been around You-Know-Who and knows things about him, which could assist you.”

Hmm, maybe I should have led with those things…

“Those are the nicest things I think you have ever said about me,” he told her, and she gave him a cool look like she was regretting every word.

“Let’s confer. Professor, would you mind coming with us?” Potter said to McGonagall.

When they had left the hallway and entered a side room, Snape rounded on him. “You just couldn’t keep your mouth shut, could you?” he snapped. “I knew I should have persuaded Narcissa to keep you unconscious until after we had explained everything.”

“I think everything went quite well all things considered,” he replied with a shrug. Snape proceeded to glare at him for the entirety of the 15 minutes that the others were conferring. When they finally re-emerged, it was with a very annoyed looking Weasley in tow, so Draco suspected things were about to go his way.

“Malfoy can come, but we have some conditions,” Potter fixed his eyes on Draco. Kreacher chose this moment to deliver the cocktails. Draco was given his first, which he sipped at whilst the others hesitantly sniffed at their own, probably checking for poison.

Granger stepped forward. “We won’t tell you any of the details of our quest until we are sure that we can trust you…”

Predictable.

… “we will also keep hold of your wand for now…”

“How am I supposed to protect myself?!” he asked indignantly.

Granger just huffed and continued… “You also have to pull your weight, which means you need to cook, clean, and take watch when required.”

Isn’t that what Kreacher is for…

… “and you will make an Unbreakable Vow to Harry.”

“To you,” he said without thinking. He didn’t really care who he made the vow to, he just needed to feel like he had some semblance of control.

“To me?” she said hesitantly.

“Yes, I would prefer to make the vow to you.”

Harry shrugged. “It doesn’t matter who you make the vow to, as long as you make it.”

“So I make the vow which proves I’m trustworthy, and you can tell me the truth and give me my wand,” he concluded happily.

“Absolutely not; you still need to prove yourself,” Granger told him sternly. Snape was watching with an amused smirk on his face. Draco huffed, shooting him a glare.

Fucking Gryffindors.

McGonagall stepped forward impatiently. “Clasp forearms,” she told him and Granger. Granger gripped his forearm firmly, straight over his Dark Mark. He tried not to flinch, but something in his facial expression must have given him a way.

She huffed, “Does touching a Muggle-born distress you?”

He stifled a frustrated groan; he supposed comments like that were to be expected. “No. It’s just, your hand is over the Dark Mark, and it doesn’t feel… right.”

“Oh,” her eyes widened as she looked down. “Sorry, we can use our other arms.” She quickly let go of him and offered her other arm, which he took without hesitation.

“Do you, Draco Malfoy, vow to keep secret all information you learn about the Order and the task that Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and Hermione Granger are undertaking, from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and all his followers?”

“I will.”

“And will you assist Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and Hermione Granger in their task for the Order in any way reasonably possible?”

Granger’s determined brown eyes met his as he answered, “I will.”

“And will you vow to protect the members of the Order when they require it, provided it does not put your own life in danger?”

“I will.”

“Great! I hope you like camping,” Granger said brightly.

What!?

“Camping? No one said anything about camping!”

“Well, Snape told us we need to leave Grimmauld Place, and going off-grid seems like the best option. You’re sharing a bunk with Ron, by the way.” Both her and Potter chuckled at this.

What’s a grid?

What the fuck is a bunk?

And why the fuck would I be sharing this bunk with Weasley?

Seeing the distress on his face, McGonagall decided to pat his arm. “It’s ok, Mr. Malfoy, I’m sure this experience will do you the world of good.”

“I beg to differ, Professor,” he told her stiffly.

“Minerva and I need to get back, but a few more things before we depart. As I said, you need to leave Grimmauld Place by tomorrow morning. Narcissa will be informing the Dark Lord of its location tomorrow evening in order to gain some favour,” he looked pointedly at Draco, who felt relieved at this. “You must take the Portrait of Phineas Nigellus Black with you; he will be your main way of contacting me or Minerva should you need us…”

“Do you know which room that Portrait is in?” Potter asked.

“Just ask your house-elf,” Draco told him incredulously.

“Oh right,” Potter actually looked embarrassed.

“Speaking of Kreacher, you should command him to come to Hogwarts where he can work in the kitchens out of harm’s way,” McGonagall informed them.

“He’s not coming with us?!” Draco asked in horror.

“I am not going camping with Kreacher!” Weasley told him like it was the worst idea ever.

Who the hell is going to do the cooking?!

He suddenly remembered Granger’s comment about him pulling his weight with the cooking and cleaning. She was about to be very disappointed because Draco had no idea how to do either of those things, especially without a wand.

“I regret my decision,” he told the room.

Granger smirked in amusement. “You’ve made a vow to me now, and I plan to hold you to it.”

Thank Salazar his mother had packed him so many dress robes; at least he would look sexy whilst he pranced around a tent doing his best impression of a house-elf.

Chapter Text

Hermione Granger

“I don’t want to go camping with Malfoy!” Ron complained for the hundredth time. She took a deep breath; this was going to be a hard adjustment for all of them, but they needed to look at the bigger picture. McGonagall was right in that Malfoy had knowledge that they did not, and if that meant they could achieve their goal quicker, then it was a good thing. There was no point trying to persuade Ron of this, though; he had already accused her of fancying Malfoy when she had tried to convince him this might be a good idea earlier. In front of Professor McGonagall, she might add!

God, that was mortifying.

“Can you please go and pack your trunk?”

Ron was sprawled over her bed, in the full throes of his very own pity party.

“We need to leave first thing in the morning, and if you pack then, when you’re only half awake, you will forget things.”

Ron huffed, pushing himself up whilst groaning loudly to let her know how unhappy he was, like she wasn’t already fully aware. She breathed a sigh of relief as he traipsed out of her room; she didn’t have much to pack but had made no progress whilst Ron was demanding her attention.

Harry appeared in the doorway a few minutes later. “He is going to be a nightmare,” he breathed, running a hand through his unruly hair.

Not you too…

“I know Harry, but Professor McGonagall said Malfoy can help us, and we need all the help we can get.”

“I meant Ron, not Malfoy,” he grinned in amusement as she laughed.

She joined Harry as he sat down on her bed. He began looking at some of the books she had selected to take with them from the sparse bookcases in Grimmauld Place. Once again, she experienced a stab of jealousy thinking about Malfoy having such a rare and extensive library at home. Harry waved at the piles. “Does the tent have room for all of these?”

“Don’t start, I have no idea what we will need, so I’m trying to cover all the bases.” She crossed her legs underneath herself and looked through the titles again, wondering if she had missed anything.

He nudged her shoulder playfully with his own. “We will deal with Ron,” he told her… “and Malfoy,” he added with a laugh of disbelief.

“I can’t believe we are going camping with Malfoy of all people,” she laughed as Harry took off his glasses and began cleaning them with his T-shirt.

“I feel sorry for him,” Harry muttered. “Given what McGonagall said to us in private about how he got the Mark and what he was being threatened with, it’s no wonder he was falling apart last year.”

“Yeah…” She hadn’t given much thought as to what had been motivating Malfoy to do the things he had done last year; she had assumed he was just following in his father’s footsteps. Now as she thought back to how broken he had looked, she wished someone could have helped him sooner. She could tell that McGonagall felt the same, especially from the way she had begged them to give him a chance to do the right thing. She and Harry looked towards the door as footsteps sounded outside.

“Ah, there you are; this place is amazing… love the dungeon!” Malfoy swaggered into the room, looking very at home. She supposed, given the reception he had received, that it wasn’t surprising. He had another one of those pink-looking cocktails that had tasted rather similar to a Muggle drink called a Cosmopolitan. She wondered if Malfoy would like them as much if he knew.

“What dungeon?!” Harry exclaimed, looking to Hermione like she may have known about this.

“You didn’t know you had a dungeon? Mother likes to refer to ours as a ‘Cellar.’ All pureblood houses have them. Kreacher, why didn’t you tell Potter he has a dungeon?”

“He did not ask…” Kreacher replied, stepping around Malfoy’s legs to glare at her and Harry on the bed. She liked house-elves, but she would not be sorry to see Kreacher shipped off to Hogwarts.

S.P.E.W. is all inclusive, Hermione; you have to care about the grouchy elves too!

“Hey, Potter, I had a word, and Kreacher is more than happy to come camping with us,” Malfoy beamed at them like this was the news they had been waiting for. He ran a hand through his already disheveled white-blond hair and winked at Hermione whilst sipping his cocktail.

Why does he keep winking at me?

Hermione’s eyebrows furrowed in suspicion; she was very unaccustomed to this version of Malfoy, a version who apparently seemed perfectly at ease with being friendly towards her.

“That won’t be necessary; in fact, Kreacher, you should go to Hogwarts now,” Harry informed the elf, and with that Kreacher disapparated with a crack.

“No! Why did you do that?! Potter, are you determined to make us suffer?” Malfoy leaned dramatically against the post of her bed, groaning.

“No, I’m determined to make you suffer,” Harry smirked as Hermione let out a laugh.

“Rude, I thought we all agreed that I am here to help.” Malfoy picked up a book from in front of Hermione, then, to her surprise, sat down on the corner of the bed and began flicking through it.

Urm, ok, make yourself at home; why don’t you…

Ron burst into the room a few moments later. “Have you seen my Chudley Cannons scarf? Can’t find it anywhere.” His eyes went wide upon noticing Malfoy. “What are you doing in Hermione’s bedroom?!”

“Reading,” Malfoy held the book up and pointed to it slowly as though Ron was stupid.

This is going to go well…

“Read downstairs, you idiot!”

She watched as Ron’s face started turning red.

“I think we can safely assume from McGonagall’s speech about me being highly intelligent, that you calling me an idiot is rather stupid. In any case, you’re one to talk; did you not walk around for years with an old man disguised as a rat in your pocket?” Hermione snorted a laugh without meaning to, and Harry smacked her arm as Malfoy smirked at her in triumph.

“I… that’s… shut up!”

Malfoy wrinkled his nose. “I wonder how many times that old man watched you jerking off over the years.”

Hermione’s eyes widened as Harry looked away to hide the fact he was struggling not to laugh.

“Fuck you, Ferret!” Ron yelled before storming out of the room with a flaming red face.

I guess this was a preview of what life in the tent will be like…

“Malfoy…” Hermione sighed.

“Yes?” he grinned at her. He was annoyingly good looking when he wasn’t sneering all the time, it was unnerving.

… “Please, can you avoid winding up Ron; it will make all our lives easier.”

“Sorry, that wasn’t part of our Unbreakable Vow,” he shrugged before pulling aside four books from the pile Hermione had accumulated. “Don’t bother with these; I already packed a copy.” He stood and stretched his arms above his head whilst yawning widely. The shirt he was wearing pulled up revealing part of his lower abdomen… it wasn’t the worst view.

Jesus, Hermione, pull yourself together.

“I will take the room at the end of the hall…” he told them as he exited.

“That’s my room!” Harry called after him in annoyance.

“Feel free to join me.”

“What?!”

“I was talking to Granger.”

Merlin, this is going to be a long camping trip.

“I take it back. I don’t feel sorry for him anymore,” Harry told her firmly.

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

“Morning,” Harry greeted her sleepily. Hermione had been in the kitchen since 5am, unable to sleep any longer. She was anxious to get moving, wanting to put as much distance between themselves and Grimmauld Place as possible. It was scary to think that in a few hours, the whole house would likely be crawling with Death Eaters.

“Morning.” Hermione put two pieces of toast on a small plate and pushed it towards him. “Manage to sleep ok?”

“Not really, I kept having very weird dreams, maybe it has something to do with the Locket.” He pulled the Horcrux from behind his navy T-shirt and held it up to examine.

“The sooner we can destroy it, the better.” It made Hermione feel uneasy, like there was something crawling over her skin.

“Once we are settled, we can blast it with everything we’ve got. I’m sure something will work,” Harry told her, tucking it away again. “Did you speak to Ron last night?”

“Yes, he was as unreasonable as ever,” she told him. “He said, and I quote, ‘You clearly fancy Malfoy. Why else would you laugh at his joke; it wasn’t even funny.’.”

“The comment about Pettigrew was pretty funny,” Harry laughed at the memory.

“I mean, we’ve all wondered about it, right?” she said with a giggle. “And why didn’t Fred or George say anything when they saw Ron on the Marauder’s Map, walking around the school with Peter Pettigrew all the time?!”

“Yes! Although, I doubt they paid much attention to Ron. I expect they had more important things to focus on, like avoiding Filch.”

“I presume from the erumpent snores coming from the room across from mine…”

“MINE!” Harry cut in angrily.

Malfoy ignored him… “that Weasley is still fast asleep. Shouldn’t one of you go and wake him up?”

Harry picked up his remaining bit of toast and reluctantly stood up. “I’ll go.”

“Here.” Hermione pushed some buttered toast towards Malfoy, who looked at it cautiously. “I haven’t poisoned it, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“No, it’s just odd seeing toast without cream cheese and smoked salmon.”

“Right, well you best get used to it. You’re welcome, by the way.” Hermione quietly watched as Malfoy began nibbling at the toast. He looked thin, she realised; his features were sharper and more pronounced from the weight loss. Dark circles were also prominent under his eyes, and a slightly haunted expression graced his face when he wasn’t hiding behind the smirks and sarcasm. His tousled blond hair hung down about his face; she preferred his hair unstyled like this, rather than the slicked-back imitation of his father he often wore at Hogwarts. Just as he raised the toast to his mouth for another bite, she noticed a small tremor go through his hand, and she frowned in confusion. A minute or so later, it happened again.

“I know I’m stunningly handsome, Granger, but you don’t need to be quite so obvious about it.”

She flushed red. “Sorry, it’s just weird being this close to you; normally you would be hurling insults at me by now. I think this is the first time I’ve ever really looked at you.”

He met her eyes across the table. “And what do you see?”

“Someone who has been through a lot.”

“That’s a very polite way of saying I look like a haggard mess.”

Hardly…

Hermione coughed out a laugh. “I also didn’t realise you were capable of being funny.”

“I’m just full of surprises.”

Harry came back into the kitchen with a barely awake Ron stumbling along behind him. Ron very rarely got out of bed before 10am lately, so 7am was definitely a challenge for him.

“Morning,” she said brightly.

“Urgh, use your quiet voice, Hermione; I’m still waking up,” Ron moaned as she pushed some toast towards him.

She saw Malfoy open his mouth, probably to say something loud and obnoxious, so she kicked him under the table. He winced and pouted at her; she sent him a silent ‘do not wind him up’ warning with her eyes, which he seemed to receive as he rolled his own eyes and carried on nibbling his toast.

“Did you decide where we are heading?” Harry asked her.

“The Lake District. I went to a secluded forest as a child during a holiday with my parents; I thought we could start there,” she told them.

“Sounds good,” Harry confirmed.

“Anyone want to fill me in on what we are doing yet?” Malfoy asked hopefully.

“No,” was the resounding consensus, much to Malfoy’s annoyance.

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

Draco took hold of Granger’s arm when it was time to leave, with Potter and Weasley on her other side. They took a moment to say goodbye to the house, which must be a very weird Muggle tradition, and then Granger apparated them to this forest she had spoken about. They apparated in amongst a number of very tall trees, so tall that there was barely any natural light breaking through the canopy, so even though it was early morning, it gave the impression of early evening. The floor was mossy and damp, and even though it was September, it sent a chill through Draco, making him shiver. This wouldn’t have been an issue if Draco had his wand; he could have cast a Warming Charm on himself, but as it was, he didn’t think any of his new travel companions would grant him this courtesy.

He watched in silence as Granger opened a small, beaded bag and proceeded to pull out a tent. He deduced it must have an illegal Extension Charm on it. Was he impressed by this? Maybe.

“Hermione is a modern-day Mary Poppins,” Potter exclaimed, noting Draco staring.

Who the fuck is Mary Poppins? Maybe a Hufflepuff, I could never remember all their names…

“Who?” he asked, needing confirmation on whether his Hufflepuff theory was correct.

Weasley let out a laugh. “He doesn’t know who Mary Poppins is!”

“Feel free to explain, Weasley…” he said in annoyance. The smug look on Weasley’s face faltered…

Ah, so you have no idea either.

“Black market dealer specialising in bags with Extension Charms…?” he mumbled almost hopefully towards Granger.

Potter burst out laughing; in fact, he found that answer so funny he had to use a tree for support.

“Something like that,” Granger said through her own laughter.

Draco concluded that Weasley’s answer was probably wrong and that Granger was making a rather abysmal attempt at trying not to hurt his feelings.

Weasley and Potter cast a few spells over the tent to ensure it wouldn’t blow away if they experienced any high winds, whilst Granger walked the perimeter muttering various spells to keep them hidden. He watched Granger as she worked; her spellwork had always been annoyingly perfect. He supposed in this situation, it would work to his advantage, unlike at school, where his father had been rather angry that Draco was outperformed by a Muggle-born in almost every subject.

Not Potions though!

“Want to come in and check out your bunk?” Potter asked him.

“I still have no idea what a bunk is, but sure,” he replied.

“Bunk… as in bunk bed,” Potter said, looking at Draco like he was stupid. “Jesus Christ…”

Who? Maybe he was another Hufflepuff…

… “I knew you were rich, but you don’t even know what a bunk bed is? God…”

God… Ah, Godric Gryffindor… At least I know that reference.

“Feel free to enlighten me,” he huffed.

Once inside the tent and surrounded by the Extension Charm, it was at least adequate in size. Still very small, especially for four people, but bigger than he was expecting with a lounge area in the middle, small kitchen, a bedroom with two bunk beds, which were essentially two beds stacked on top of each other (delightful), and a small bathroom sectioned off with cloth walls. He really hoped there was a permanent Silencing Charm over that room, especially as his bunk bed was right next to it.

“You’re up top,” Potter explained. “Ron has to sleep on the bottom bunk; he fidgets a lot, and we don’t want him falling out and injuring himself.”

Oh no, wouldn’t want that…

“So I have to sleep on top of Weasley?” he asked Potter with an unimpressed look.

“Well, I wouldn’t have worded it like that… but yes.” Potter didn’t try to hide his amusement at Draco’s discomfort.

“Malfoy can’t sleep on the top bunk; he will be too close to Hermione,” Weasley exclaimed, joining them in the tent. “You will have to sleep on the top bunk, Harry.”

“Hermione prefers it on top.”

Well, there are some unexpected mental images of Granger I didn’t expect to receive today.

“You should never complain when a woman likes to be on top,” he smirked at Weasley and launched himself up onto the top bunk, wiggling around to try and get comfortable on the thin mattress.

“If you so much as touch her…” Weasley warned.

“Ron, she can handle herself…” Potter told him firmly.

Oh… even more unexpected mental images. He coughed and discreetly crossed his legs to hide the slight bulge forming in his trousers.

He looked around the tent carefully as a sudden realisation hit him: where was he supposed to wank? The cloth bathroom didn’t seem to afford much privacy, and he didn’t think he could wank in his bunk given that Weasley was below him and Granger next to him. Not that Granger was a problem visually, but he didn’t think she would appreciate catching him in the act.

Hmm, this needs some thought…

“Malfoy, come and get your trunk,” Granger called from outside.

Potter and Weasley were busying themselves with unpacking the trunks located around the room to keep everything tidy whilst travelling. Various lamps, utensils, blankets, and kitchen appliances were being laid out. Draco took his time getting down from his bunk; luckily, everything was back under control as he went outside to face Granger. He had locked the mental images of her handling herself away in the deepest depths of his brain…

Thank Salazar for Occlumency.

“All the wards in place?” he asked her.

“Yes, we should be safe here for a few weeks.”

He nodded. “How long do you think we will be doing this, camping in different places, I mean?”

“I’m not all that sure; as long as it takes, I guess,” she looked apologetic.

Draco dragged his trunk inside the tent and set it at the end of the bunk bed. He didn’t unpack much, but he did put a few books onto his bed. Quite often he struggled to sleep, and when he did sleep, he often found himself plagued with nightmares. The books helped to settle his mind. He laid his favourite silk pyjamas on top of his pillow, wondering who would be kind enough to cast a Cleaning Charm on his teeth each night. Perhaps he could manage that spell with wandless magic; he really hoped so, as it would be rather embarrassing to ask Granger or Potter.

“Tea, Malfoy?” Potter asked him from the kitchen.

“Sure.” He sat in one of the armchairs in the centre of the room as Potter fussed around with a metal kettle. Weasley came out of the bathroom as Granger dragged her trunk inside. Draco assumed Ron would offer her help, but he just walked around her and threw himself onto the sofa.

Ever the gentleman.

Draco stood up and grabbed the end of her trunk, helping her to carry it over the beds.

“Oh, thanks,” she said, sounding surprised.

“You could just cast a Featherlight Charm,” he noted.

“Ah, well the bag has a Featherlight Charm on it, and if I add a Featherlight Charm to my trunk too… well something goes wrong, and all the contents tend to empty out,” she laughed nervously. “Anyway, thanks for your assistance.”

Weasley was giving him a very annoyed look as he made his way back to the armchair.

Draco 1 - Weasley 0

Potter placed his tea down muttering, “Perhaps you could go five minutes without making Ron look bad.”

“It’s called being a gentleman, Potter; I can’t help if I was brought up with manners.”

Potter scoffed, “Manners?! Do you want me to repeat the things you have called Hermione over the years?”

Draco 1 - Weasley 0 - Potter 1

Draco did not want Potter to repeat all the slurs he had thrown at Granger. “I’m trying, Potter, give me a break.”

Potter studied him seriously for a moment; it was rather unnerving, like he was looking directly into Draco’s soul. “Fair enough,” he told him and went to join Ron on the sofa. Draco picked up his tea and very quickly realised that without his wand he couldn’t cool it to a drinkable temperature. He put it back down and let his eyes wander over to Granger. She was crouched by her trunk, unpacking a lot more books than she had on her bed last night. He secretly couldn’t wait to riffle through them and see what she had deemed essential to bring along. Perhaps the books would offer Draco some kind of clue as to what they were up to.

“Anyone want to try and blow up a Locket?” Potter asked after a while.

“Yes! I thought of a few spells that might work,” Granger said enthusiastically.

“Wait, you want to destroy the necklace? Rodolphus went on a date with Umbridge to get that thing!”

“Rodolphus?” Granger questioned. “Rodolphus Lestrange? Why would he be helping us?”

“He went on a date with Umbridge?!” Weasley looked disgusted.

“Rodolphus has his reasons…” he said vaguely; even Draco wasn’t a hundred percent sure of those reasons. “And yes, Weasley, in order to get the Locket, he took her on a date… if you can call it a date. He bought her a coffee, walked her around a park, stunned her, and stole the necklace. She seemed to enjoy herself, though, as she won’t stop sending him owls. He is quite traumatised by the whole experience.”

Potter, Weasley and Granger stared at him in shock. “That is a lot to digest,” Potter said finally. “But, yes, we need to destroy it. Come on.”

He led them outside and laid the Locket on a rock a few meters away.

They better have something powerful to cast at it; a Locket that dark won’t be destroyed easily…

Turns out they didn’t, although Granger tried her best and came up with a few potentially passable attempts. Draco had a rather amusing time watching them blast it with various spells, only for the Locket to lay there essentially replying with a silent ‘fuck off’ every time. At one point, in pure desperation, Potter hit it with a Bat-Bogey Hex, and Draco burst out laughing.

“A Bat-Bogey Hex? Really, Potter?”

“What would you suggest?” Weasley demanded.

“Whatever that Locket is, it’s clearly full of Dark magic; I can feel its presence from here. Spells won’t affect it; you either need a weapon capable of cutting through Dark magic or an extremely powerful spell, maybe Fiendfyre, but I would not recommend trying that here.”

Granger sighed. “I think Malfoy is right; let’s call it a night, and I will do some research.”

Potter retrieved the necklace and, to Draco’s dismay, put it on.

“I’m not sure you should be wearing that,” Draco told him.

“Why? Don’t you think it suits me?” Potter asked sarcastically.

“I’ve never been more attracted to you,” he deadpanned with an eye roll.

Granger cooked for them that evening. He tried to discreetly watch what she was doing, but he lost interest within two minutes and decided to read instead. She looked a bit embarrassed as she handed him a bowl of ‘tuna pasta.’ He nodded his thanks and tucked in. He had never had anything like it before. It was surprisingly good; he demolished the bowl almost as quick as Weasley, although he ate like a starved gentleman rather than a starved Kelpie.

“So good, Hermione; you should cook every night,” Weasley declared as she took the bowl.

Draco noted an annoyed look pass over her face at this comment and, never one to pass up an opportunity to annoy Weasley, said, “It was very good, perhaps you could teach me how to make it,” as he handed her his bowl.

He almost heard Potter’s eyeroll as Granger brightened.“Oh, well, it’s just pasta, tuna, and cheese. Simple, really, but I would be happy to show you.”

“Great!” He shot Weasley a smug grin as Granger returned to the kitchen and cast a Cleaning Charm over everything. He thought there was a strong chance Weasley may try to suffocate him in his sleep.

Draco 2 - Weasley 0

The bunk beds were a whole experience that Draco could have done without, and the reason why Granger and Potter did not want to share with Weasley became apparent very quickly. He moved A LOT. He also snored, but luckily Potter cast a Silencing Charm around him. The charm did not help with the fact that every few minutes the bed would violently shake as he switched positions. Draco huffed, pulling the bed covers up over his shoulders, wondering if he would get any sleep tonight. He eyed Granger’s bunk; her feet were by his head. He had debated sleeping the other way around so that they were feet-to-feet, but then his head would be by the bathroom, and that didn’t sit right with him.

After another hour of the bed being violently rocked around, Draco sat up with the intention of reading; however, he realised very quickly that without his wand to provide any light, that task would be impossible.

“Trouble sleeping?” Granger whispered.

He didn’t need to see her properly to tell she was amused.

“I’m not the only one it seems,” he noted.

He heard a shuffling noise as Granger sat up and maneuvered about on her bed. He heard her mutter something under her breath, and her wand briefly glowed in the direction of Weasley.

“Sticking Charm; it should help,” she whispered, sounding much closer to his face now.

“If I had my wand, I would have been able to stick the bed to the floor myself,” he said, sounding more annoyed than he’d meant to.

“I didn’t stick the bed to the floor, I stuck Ron to the bed. I suppose your idea may have been better,” she sounded thoughtful as he huffed a laugh.

“No, Weasley being stuck to the bed is far more amusing,” he told her.

“I thought you might think so.”

He heard her lay back down.

Who knew Granger had a sense of humour?

Chapter Text

Rodolphus Lestrange

Grimmauld Place was a house he thought he would never have to set foot in again. Rodolphus took a long drink from the wine he had swiped from Lucius’s study, being careful to keep his mouth away from the bottle. There would be six of them going to the Black property this evening: Severus, Lucius, Bellatrix, McNair, Avery, and himself.

“I see Lucius finally came to his senses and cursed his drinks cabinet.” Severus looked pointedly at the Dragon-hide glove Rodolphus was using to hold the bottle.

“What’s a little curse between friends? The bottle may burn through skin, but the wine is still good; nothing a glove can’t get around,” he gulped some more wine. “Anyway, tonight I had a mighty need that only Lucius’s most expensive wine could fulfil.”

“You need this kind of fulfilment every night apparently.”

“Are we still talking about wine?” Rodolphus shot Severus a suggestive look.

“I see you are going to use your usual coping mechanism this evening,” he looked away with a sigh.

Abso-fucking-lutely.

Rodolphus finished off the bottle just as Lucius realised what he had done. “That bottle was worth a fortune!”

“Was it? It tasted mediocre…”

Lucius looked like he was on the verge of imploding as Bella called them all to attention.

Saved by my wife; that rarely happens…

The plan was the same as any other, scour the house as quickly as possible and take out anything that moves. Preferably with non-lethal spells because the Dark Lord wanted to be the one to kill Harry Potter himself, and what the Dark Lord wants, the Dark Lord gets.

Except a nose …

Rodolphus, Lucius, and Severus were already very much aware that Mr. Potter and his friends had vacated the property, but they would put on a good show anyway. Severus stayed close to him as they apparated to the address Narcissa provided. Rodolphus had never actually seen the property from the outside before; he always used to floo into the living room. The outside made the house look fairly well-kept and welcoming; he knew the inside told a different story, though.

Bella wasted no time in storming the front door, and they all followed closely behind her. Rodolphus occluded as he went through the motions: blast a door open, run around the room, call all clear, and move on. The kitchen definitely showed signs of life, plates had been left stacked in the sink, and there was a half-drunk glass of water on the table. He moved around the room more slowly. As he approached the stove, he saw a wooden stool with old copies of the Daily Prophet atop it. His balls squirmed in fright at the face of The Pink Demon smiling up at him.

Urgh, can’t escape the bloody woman.

She had clearly been pictured coming out of the Courtroom, probably having just condemned a load of Muggle-borns to the Dementors. The ball-banisher waved happily at the camera in a high neck shirt with the Locket he had stolen on full display.

Shit.

Rodolphus quickly cast a Banishing Spell, and the papers disappeared. It was likely that his fellow Death Eaters would have paid no attention to the papers, but he still felt uneasy.

I wonder what other clues those idiots left lying around?!

He joined the others on the first floor once the house had been declared empty. Rodolphus nodded towards the display of decapitated house-elf heads lining the stairs. “This is what I imagine your place looks like, McNair,” he smirked at the man as Severus quietly looked to the ceiling for strength.

McNair’s lip curled. “Why don’t you come over and find out?”

Rodolphus gasped, “Are you flirting with me? Honestly, McNair, my wife is right there.”

“Did anyone find anything?” Bella demanded, shooting him a look of absolute unabashed hatred.

The general consensus was no, although Avery produced a Chudley Cannons scarf, which they all took as proof that Harry Potter and his friends had been here.

Woah, what a surprise!

“Someone will have to stay here tonight to keep watch over the place. Tomorrow we can arrange for those in the lower ranks to form a proper guard duty,” Avery commented, looking around for a volunteer.

“I will do it,” Rodolphus said, trying to look bored at the idea.

“Is that a good idea? You look half drunk,” McNair growled.

“Only half? Well I hope there is some alcohol around here to finish off the job.”

“Whatever,” Bella pushed past them to make her way back down the stairs. He didn’t know why she was so keen to get back and report this failure to the Dark Lord, he would not be happy.

No freaky snake-sex for you tonight, darling wife.

Severus gave him a ‘don’t do anything stupid’ look as he swept past to follow the others down the stairs. Rodolphus remained where he was until he heard the cracks of apparition and then silence. Now alone, he let out a long breath and gave himself a moment to let his occlumency walls fall away. Unwanted emotions flooded him as he silently walked up the stairs, treading the familiar path to the bedroom once occupied by Regulus Black.

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

The first few weeks in the tent went past fairly uneventfully as they adjusted to their new routine. A routine that, for him, mainly consisted of eating, sleeping, reading, and annoying Weasley; a task in which Draco took great pride in. He had successfully, thus far, managed to avoid cooking, mainly by volunteering for extra watch duties that took place during the times of food preparation. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help, but more because he was reluctant to give Weasley any ammunition to take the piss out of him. Weasley was already enjoying the fact that Draco was on watch without a wand; he liked to point out that Draco should scream loudly if he saw anything so they could come and rescue him.

Even though not having his wand was proving frustrating, he rather enjoyed the watch duties. Sitting alone in the quiet woodland allowed him time to read and sort out his thoughts. Occasionally Granger joined him, stating that it was too noisy in the tent, and they would read in comfortable silence. It was a very strange situation, but Draco felt oddly at peace for the first time in a long time. He knew that the war was far from over, but for once he didn’t have to watch his back or worry about being Crucioed whenever the Dark Lord felt like it. From the updates he had received via the Portrait of Phineas Black, it sounded like his parents were doing ok too. Who knew that camping would turn out to be rather enjoyable.

Unfortunately, there was still one issue that needed addressing: where to wank. Things were starting to get embarrassing; this morning he had awoken to the sight of Granger’s bare foot poking out from under her duvet, and his brain had decided that she had very attractive feet, resulting in a rather long-lasting boner that he couldn’t do anything about. Now, Draco had never been a foot guy; he had no problem with people who were - each to their own and all that - but Draco was not a foot guy. This is why he now stood in the cloth bathroom about to attempt the most awkward wank of his life. Draco already considered this a particularly low point, but when it came to options, this was the only one.

It was rather unfortunate that the Silencing Charm on the bathroom only went one way, so whilst the others would not be able to hear him, he would unfortunately be able to hear them. Weasley had explained it was so that you could shout into the room if a sibling was taking too long. Once again, Draco was reminded why he preferred being an only child.

Draco yanked off his trousers, underwear, and socks (you can’t wank properly with your socks on) and sat on the small toilet in the corner. His limp dick flopped onto his thigh unenthusiastically. Draco could relate; he too was very unimpressed with this set up.

“I know,” he told it gently, “but we both need this; things are only going to get worse if we don’t at least try.”

He licked his hand and grabbed hold, gently trying to tease it up whilst remembering past encounters with various witches at Hogwarts.

That time Pansy surprised me in the library and let me bend her over a table. It was the first time he had taken a witch in that position; he had thoroughly enjoyed it. His cock twitched as he ran his hand slowly up and down the shaft.

Thank Salazar, that’s it; now we’re getting somewhere.

He thought about the time Daphne Greengrass had given him his first blowjob in the Astronomy Tower, and the Beauxbaton witch who had pulled him behind a statue and stuck her tongue down his throat - he still didn’t know her name. Granger’s feet even made the odd appearance; he let it slide, at this point he’d take whatever got him over the edge.

“Harry, can you grab me a glass of water?”

The sound of Weasley’s voice deflated his dick in an instant, and Draco let out a growl of frustration. He couldn’t give up though; he took a deep breath and started slowly pumping his hand up and down again.

Come on, you can do this…

Perhaps he needed some lubrication. He looked around the bathroom for inspiration, and his eyes fell upon a bottle of body wash that Granger had left in the shower. It would serve her right; if he had his wand, he wouldn’t need to use it. The label told him it was mint-scented. He squirted a bit onto his hand and started rubbing again. This felt much better, and a pleasurable moan escaped him as he grew hard…

Wait… Is it burning?

Why is my dick burning…

It’s cold but burning at the same time; what is this witchcraft?!

Has Granger cursed her body wash so no one else can use it?!

He leapt up, shoving his dick into the little hand basin and turning on the tap to wash away the cursed body wash. Thank Salazar no one could see him now; the rinse helped, but his dick still felt weird, and the cold burning sensation was apparently sticking around.

FUCK…

FUCK IT ALL, I GIVE UP!

Draco yanked on his clothes and stormed out of the bathroom.

Granger looked up in alarm. She was reading The Tales of Beedle the Bard again, a bit of an odd choice, but given their current situation, perhaps she just wanted some children’s stories to get lost in.

YOUR BODY WASH MADE MY DICK BURN! He nearly yelled at her, but with a great show of self-restraint, managed to refrain.

“Can you make me a tea if you’re heading to the kitchen?” Potter asked him.

Draco shot Potter an annoyed look, but he was heading to the kitchen, so he could hardly refuse, especially given the amount of drinks Potter had made him over the past few weeks.

How hard can it be?

He removed the lid from the kettle and peered inside; there was no water… “Would someone be so kind as to cast an Aguamenti?”

Both Potter and Granger were watching him in fascination. He bristled slightly; luckily, Weasley was out on watch. Granger flicked her wand, and, in a truly impressive display of wordless magic, the kettle filled with water. He placed the kettle on the metal contraption, the way he had seen Potter do. “Can someone light the flame?” he asked hopefully.

“Here,” Potter got up and chucked him a small box. “We don’t use fire spells in the tent for obvious reasons.”

Draco examined the small box that contained ‘match sticks’…

Match sticks…

Matching sticks…

Why would matching sticks be helpful in this scenario?

He yanked the box open, and hundreds of matching sticks flew out, landing all over the floor. “Oh, for God’s sake, now they are never going to fit back in the box,” Potter exclaimed angrily as Granger laughed.

Draco picked up one of the tiny matching sticks. He looked between it and the kettle, wondering what he was supposed to do.

“It’s like watching a child learn how to walk for the first time,” Granger muttered to Potter, and they both snorted.

“Fine… Let’s all laugh at Draco; he obviously doesn’t know how to cook or make a cup of tea…”

As if his failed wanking attempt wasn’t bad enough, now he had to endure this.

Potter took pity on him. “Let me show you,” he said, grabbing the box and picking up a tiny matching stick from the floor. He ran it in one quick motion along the side of the box, and the stick flared to life. Draco jumped backwards in surprise, which elicited another round of laughter from Granger.

“It’s like a tiny wand,” Draco commented.

“Yes, but it only knows one spell,” Potter smirked as Granger wiped a tear away from her cheek with her sleeve; at least she was enjoying the show. “You put the match here…” He held the matching stick towards the metal contraption under the kettle, and big flames sprung to life… “And there you go, the kettle is heating up.”

“Right, I see.” Draco tried not to look annoyed as Potter patted him condescendingly on the shoulder and waved his wand to clean up the matching sticks. He was right; they wouldn’t go back in the box properly; they stuck out at random angles no matter how many times Potter tried to neaten them. Having decided Draco couldn’t be trusted, Potter stayed with him in the kitchen until the task of making tea was complete.

Draco placed Granger’s tea and his own on the coffee table in front of her, feeling triumphant.

She beamed at him. “Thanks. You can make dinner with me later, if you want?”

Did he want to? No. Would it annoy Weasel? Yes.

“Ok, you will have to go easy on me, though; I just had a very traumatic experience with the kettle.”

“I promise to handle you with care.”

His cock sprung to life at her words…

NOW YOU CHOOSE TO SHOW UP!

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

“I’m not sure why, but I actually don’t mind Malfoy being around; it’s like having a fairly-sarcastic-yet-kind-of-cute puppy,” Harry told her after Malfoy had left the tent to take his turn on watch.

“Mmm, yeah, he is a lot funnier than I was expecting, although I think that’s mainly because he is so clueless.”

“At least he’s trying; I thought we would have to force him to help out.”

Hermione had thought this too, but Malfoy seemed different. He had clearly been through a lot and seemed to be oddly at peace with them in the tent. The nasty, snobby boy they had once known in their early Hogwarts years was long gone; he was much more content with making jokes rather than being mean now.

“Have you noticed the tremors in his hands?” Hermione asked Harry quietly.

He frowned. “No? Although, I haven’t really been looking at his hands…” He shot her a questioning look.

“Never mind,” she told him, feeling her cheeks heat.

“Malfoy told me to give this to one of you; apparently it’s making me cranky,” Ron huffed, chucking the Slytherin Locket at Hermione as he entered the tent.

She hesitantly picked it up and slid the chain over her neck as Ron collapsed on the opposite end of the sofa. “Can you make me a coffee, Hermione?”

“Make it yourself,” Harry told him before Hermione could respond.

“I’ve just been on watch for the past four hours…” Ron moaned.

“Yes, well, it’s not like I’ve been doing nothing; I’ve been researching,” Hermione told him whilst holding up the book she was currently reading. She still had no idea why Dumbledore had left her The Tales of Beedle the Bard in his will, but they had all agreed there must be a reason. Harry, clearly deciding that he couldn’t deal with Ron at the moment, got up to go outside. They hadn’t been camping that long, and tensions were already running high. It was not a good sign. Even more concerning was the fact that she was finding it much easier to live with Malfoy, of all people, than Ron.

She looked at him, lying on the sofa groaning, clearly trying to guilt her into making him a drink when all he had been doing was sitting outside, probably napping on and off. “Ron…” she asked hesitantly, as he flung his arm away from his face to look at her… “You know you can ask Harry to do things for you, or Malfoy; it doesn’t always have to be me.”

Ron frowned at her and then laughed dismissively. “You’re the best at everything, though.”

She knew he meant it as a compliment, but in that moment it irritated her.

“I just need you to pick up a bit more of the slack; I’m not your Mum,” she snapped at him.

“I know you’re not my Mum! Where the hell is this coming from?” He sat up angrily.

Urgh, he is so infuriating.

“You are always ordering me around, expecting me to make you drinks or fetch things for you… and you never pick up after yourself!”

“I don’t order you around! I was only asking for a drink; you can say no!”

“If I say no, you then just lay around moaning dramatically, trying to make me feel guilty!”

Maybe I should hex him!

No, don’t hex him, Hermione; what has gotten into you?!

“I don’t do that!”

They were both standing up now.

“Just show me some more respect!” she yelled in frustration and stormed out of the tent before she did something stupid.

Harry, who was playing a card game with himself nearby, and Malfoy, who was sitting on watch, both looked up at her in surprise as she kicked a tuft of grass in frustration.

Bloody Ron…

Urgh.

“Hermione, what’s the matter?” Harry asked.

“Ron is so…” she struggled to find the right word.

“Annoying?” Malfoy supplied, slowly approaching her with a cautious look on his face.

“Urgh,” was the only response she could think to give.

She took some deep breaths as she tried to calm herself and get her heart rate back under control. This was very unlike her; she was more than used to Ron and his ways; it normally didn’t get to her like this. Malfoy watched her curiously, then his eyes fell to her chest and stayed there. She felt her cheeks heat.

“Malfoy, are you staring at Hermione’s tits? Because it’s not very appropriate,” Harry told him, clearly noticing where his eyes were lingering; he definitely wasn’t being subtle about it. Hermione resisted the urge to cross her arms; it wasn’t like he could actually see anything.

Malfoy rolled his eyes. “Honestly, Potter, this…” he indicated towards her thick wool jumper… “is hardly the outfit to admire her tits in. Hypothetically, if I wanted to do that, I would do it when she is wearing that strappy little number she wears to bed; it’s chilly first thing in the morning, things get a bit perky…” He smirked at her as her cheeks burned. She had no idea what to say to that statement and was slightly mortified at the ache it ignited between her legs.

“Are you serious?!” Harry exclaimed.

“Deadly…” He turned back to Hermione. “Granger, take it off.”

Her mouth dropped open. “I am not taking my jumper off so you can admire my tits, for Merlin’s sake!”

Malfoy tilted his head slightly. “I meant the Locket; take the Locket off.”

“Oh…” she awkwardly reached into her jumper for the chain and pulled the Locket over her head.

“It affects each one of you when you wear it. Whoever has it on becomes short-tempered and frustrated…” he shrugged… “I really don’t think you should be wearing it; something this dark can change you.”

Hermione felt the embarrassment creep up on her; it was obvious now she thought about it. Why would they wear a Horcrux around their neck?! Of course it would affect them; it was a stupid idea!

“We should have known…” she muttered as Harry squeezed her shoulder, looking equally as annoyed with himself.

“If it helps, it affects you the least, Granger. This was the first time in weeks that you have even come close to losing it; you clearly have the most patience out of everyone. Potter tends to get really sarcastic and snippy, and Weasley is damn near violent when he has it on.”

“When I put it on, it’s like I can’t see reason,” Harry muttered, eyeing the Locket thoughtfully.

“Yeah, all my frustrations became heightened,” Hermione agreed. “I should go and speak to Ron, and I will put the Locket in a sealed compartment in my bag.”

Ron watched her warily as she entered the tent again.

She gave him a hesitant smile as she grabbed her beaded bag and added a new compartment for the Locket to go in.

“Sorry, Ron, I didn’t mean to go off on you like that.” She sat down next to him. “Malfoy thinks that the Locket has a bad effect on us, heightening our frustrations. I think he is right; we won’t be wearing it anymore.”

“Of course you think Malfoy is right,” Ron rolled his eyes. “I don’t trust him, Hermione.”

“I know…” the little bubble of frustration was welling back up in her again, only this time she managed to take a breath rather than storming out… “You don’t need to like him, but he is useful.”

Ron huffed, but a second later looked at her sheepishly. “I’m sorry if I have been treating you like my mum.”

Hermione smiled, “It’s ok; let’s just forget it.”

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

Draco watched Granger walk back into the tent, probably to go and apologise to Weasley even though she shouldn’t. If he had learnt anything over these past few weeks, it was that Weasley needed to grow up. He wouldn’t have lasted two seconds in the Slytherin dorm; he would have found himself dunked in the Black Lake repeatedly.

Potter, for some reason, decided to join him on watch looking a bit deflated.

“Who kicked your Crup, Potter? It must be bad if you are seeking out my company.”

Potter huffed a laugh. “I wish I knew what the hell I’m doing, to be honest.” He pulled the blue hoody he was wearing tight around himself to fight off the chill air.

“Well if you enlightened me with the details of your quest, I may be able to help.”

“I know, I just promised Ron and Hermione that we wouldn’t tell you until we were all in agreement that you could be trusted. I’m sure you can understand why some of us might be having trouble with that…” he raised his eyebrows.

Draco sighed in frustration. “I made an Unbreakable Vow, didn’t I?”

“McGonagall told us a bit about why you ended up with the Dark Mark, but I would like to hear it from you if you don’t mind talking about it?” Potter was giving him that soul-searching look again.

Great…

“Oh, I mind; it was one of the worst moments of my life.” He looked out into the forest; his mind travelling back to the excruciating pain of having Dark magic stain his skin. “I understand why you want to know, though, and it happened as a result of my father failing in his mission at the Department of Mysteries. Which I didn’t know about, by the way, or I probably would have found a way to warn you, like I did with the Death Eaters at the Quidditch World Cup…”

“What?” Harry looked at him in confusion.

“Don’t you remember when I ran into you at the Quidditch World Cup and told Granger to get out before she was targeted?”

Potter’s mouth dropped open in realisation.

Draco huffed a laugh. “Just because we had rivalries at school didn’t mean I wanted any of you dead. Stuck with detention, maybe, and having you banned from Quidditch was always fun… but not dead.”

“Right…” Potter looked like he was struggling to deal with this new information.

“Well, anyway, after my father failed, the Dark Lord forced the Mark on me and gave me the impossible task of killing Dumbledore as a way to punish my father. I was never meant to succeed; I was being set up for failure deliberately so that the Dark Lord could kill me and destroy my father through guilt. As you know, I was also tasked with getting the Death Eaters into Hogwarts. I delayed as much as I could with the cabinet, but obviously I succeeded in that part of the mission eventually. That, together with me supposedly setting it up so that Snape could kill Dumbledore, were the only reasons the Dark Lord didn’t kill me. I had no idea that Snape and Dumbledore had their own plan. This past year has been the worst year of my life and, to be honest, the past few weeks have felt like a dream in comparison.”

“The worst year of your life… and to top it off, I sliced you open in a bathroom.” Potter looked genuinely remorseful.

“Least of my problems Potter.”

“So what made you change your mind about You-Know-Who?”

“My mind never needed changing; I knew enough to know he is bad, but unfortunately if your family follows him, you all follow him; there is no choice. My father was a big believer up until the point the Dark Lord started using me and my mother as a way of punishing him, but then it was too late.”

“Hmm,” Potter looked thoughtful.

“At the end of the day, Potter, if you believe anything, please believe that I will do anything to save my mother.”

Potter gave him a sad smile. “I do believe you; I have since you took the Unbreakable Vow, to be honest.”

Salazar, this is feeling a bit too deep.

“Did we just have a bonding moment?” Draco asked with a smirk.

Potter rolled his eyes. “I will deny it until my dying day.”

“Great, now that we are frenemies, I have a question for you…”

“Go on…” Potter gave him a cautious look.

“Where the fuck are you wanking? Because I’ve tried in that bathroom, and it’s not happening.”

Potter burst out laughing. “Why do you think I take the 3am to 7am watch? Everyone is guaranteed to be asleep, and it’s dark enough that if someone comes out of the tent, they won’t see me.”

Draco eyed Potter seriously. “I’m taking that shift tonight, Potter.”

“Fair enough, we can take it in turns,” he chuckled.

“Don’t use Granger’s body wash; my cock is still burning.”

Potter doubled over now. “The mint stuff? I dunno; I quite like it.”

“Of course you do, you fucking heathen.”

Chapter Text

Severus Snape

Severus was staring at the sleeping Portrait of Albus Dumbledore above the headmaster’s desk and pondering if it would be considered incredibly disrespectful to cover it with a blanket. The Albus he had been acquainted with in real life had been infuriating, but the Portrait version was worse. He had long since run out of patience with it.

“Have you managed to get any more information out of him?” Minerva asked as she joined him. They were still trying to ascertain if Albus had been aware of the identity or locations of the remaining Horcruxes. Dumbledore either didn’t know or was being deliberately unhelpful… the latter of which being the most likely.

“Nothing; every time I ask a question he doesn’t want to answer, which is every question, it seems, he pretends to fall asleep.”

The supposedly sleeping Portrait of Albus chuckled at this comment before promptly ‘snoring’ again.

Minerva chuckled; she had always been more tolerant of the old man’s eccentric ways. “Phineas, any news from Mr. Potter and company?”

Phineas Nigellus Black casually appeared in his Portrait and leaned against the frame, “They’re fine; the Weasley one is lacking in patience and had a rather fun argument with the Muggle-born. Can you believe the Muggle-born accused him of treating her like his mother? It’s funny because he definitely expects some kind of romantic relationship to form between them. He doesn’t understand that you need to woo a lady. Of course, this whole situation is not helped by the Malfoy boy, who takes every available opportunity to make the Weasley boy look bad. It really is very entertaining.”

“Is this why you have been absent from your frame so much? You have been enjoying the, somewhat pathetic sounding, teenage drama? Really, Phineas, I thought better of you,” Severus told him lazily. He would never admit it, but the daily updates from Phineas had actually become the highlight of his day.

Perhaps I can amplify the sound on the Portrait and listen in…

“What about Mr. Potter?” Minerva asked.

“Somewhat boring; he tends to stay out of the fun conversations but does occasionally indulge in some rather entertaining back and forth with the Malfoy boy.”

“But he is ok?” Minerva prompted.

“Yes, quite ok.”

Severus clutched his forearm tightly and let out a pained groan as the Dark Mark burned. It had been weeks since the Dark Lord had summoned his followers; Snape assumed he could thank Bellatrix for that. He shut away the anxiety flooding his system, quickly occluding and looked blankly at McGonagall. “I’m being summoned; I suspect the Carrows will be too, perhaps you can use their absence to your advantage?”

“Finally… I will have Poppy go and tend to the students who have been recently tortured.”

“Minerva…” he said as she turned to leave… “Don’t put any more Boggarts in Amycus’s wardrobe; he will work out it is you eventually.”

Minerva pursed her lips to hide a smile. “I wasn’t planning on it, although I may have accidentally let slip to Myrtle that Alecto said she was ‘A miserable cry baby who deserved to die.’. Such a shame she insisted on a room with a connecting bathroom; I suspect there will be quite a mess when she returns.”

Severus rubbed his forehead. “You may as well piss in her morning pumpkin juice with how subtle you’re being.”

“Not a bad idea…”

Snape shook his head in exasperation at the smile spreading across Minerva’s face.

He took the floo to Malfoy Manor and walked to the dining room where their meetings were always held. All of the marked Death Eaters were gathered, the dining table having been extended to accommodate them all. Severus had to work very hard to maintain his mask of indifference when he spotted his colleague, Charity Burbage, suspended above the table with a look of immense fear on her face.

Fuck, this is bad.

Her eyes became pleading when she saw him, and a ripple of guilt made him feel nauseous. He tore his eyes away and sat next to Rodolphus, who silently shoved a goblet of wine towards him. Tonight would be a show of strength from the Dark Lord; he was going to sacrifice Charity to scare them. Severus barely registered the speech the Dark Lord gave or the pleading cries coming from the poor woman suspended above him; he just worked to keep his features blank. The green light from the Avada lit up the room and the sickening thud told him that her suffering was over.

Just get through it, Severus; it will all be over soon.

The Dark Lord looked down as Nagini slithered into view. Severus normally avoided looking at the snake, but today he looked, determined to watch as Charity was consumed. She would be another reason for him to keep fighting, another reason for him to want the Dark Lord dead. He watched Nagini approach; she knew what to do without being directed. The Dark Lord watched gleefully as the snake slithered down the table, her jaws opening wide…

Nagini knows what to do without being told…

He knew the Dark Lord and Nagini could communicate via Parseltongue, but the Dark Lord wasn’t speaking to her. He wasn’t even directing her with gestures. Severus looked between the Snake and the Dark Lord as realisation washed over him. He grabbed the goblet Rodolphus had supplied and took a long drink, giving himself time to school his features back into the blank mask he was so good at wearing.

I need to get back and speak to Horace.

A scream from across the table drew his attention. Narcissa had fallen forwards in her seat and was convulsing violently against the table as the Dark Lord watched with his wand pointed at her. Since Draco’s ‘death,’ Narcissa had become the Dark Lord’s new plaything. He revelled in hitting her with the Cruciatus Curse when no one was expecting it.

“Well hasn’t this been a pleasant evening?” the Dark Lord spat at them. “You can go, but do remember what happens to those who upset me.”

Nagini slithered around the Dark Lord’s body.

Severus couldn’t help but stare; he didn’t know why he hadn’t noticed the unnatural connection between them before. Bellatrix grabbed on too, and the Dark Lord apparated away. A few of the others stuck around to speak to Lucius. Snape noted Lucius looking anxiously at Narcissa, who was slumped on the table trying to regulate her breathing.

“Another delightful evening; I could have done without seeing Nagini have dinner, but here we are,” Rodolphus declared as he pushed out of his chair and walked around the table to help Narcissa. “Come on, let’s get you upstairs.” He scooped her up, nodding to Lucius, who was keeping the others busy. Severus rose too. As Rodolphus carried Narcissa to her bedroom, Severus called a house-elf and requested some potions to help with the aftereffects of the curse.

“Have you heard from Draco?” she asked weakly as Rodolphus laid her in the middle of her bed. Severus quickly closed the door to ensure no one overheard them. He began to administer potions whilst Rodolphus grabbed a bottle of wine from Narcissa’s bar. It said a lot about how she must be feeling because she didn’t even tell him off.

“Draco is fine, apparently getting on with Mr. Potter rather well.”

“Good,” she said weakly, “That’s good.”

“Not that I don’t trust a bunch of teenagers to defeat the Darkest Wizard of all time, but have they made any progress with their task?” Rodolphus asked.

“Funnily enough, I think I made a breakthrough tonight,” Severus told them. “But I need to go back to the castle and speak to someone about it. Narcissa, can I do anything else for you before I go?”

“Just tell Draco that I miss him, but don’t mention what is being done to me; I don’t want him to worry,” she told him.

“Of course.”

As soon as Severus exited the fireplace he rushed towards his desk, riffling through the drawers until he found a Calming Draught. He downed it quickly, hoping that it would help his racing mind.

“Have you had a breakthrough?” the Portrait of Albus asked him curiously.

“Nagini,” he said, watching for a reaction.

The Portrait nodded. “I suspected.”

Severus came very close to smashing the Calming Draught bottle into the Portrait which, he was fully aware, was quite ironic. “Of course you did; you’re always playing your games. It’s as though you want to make this hard for us!”

Albus promptly closed his eyes and started ‘snoring.’

Insufferable old goat.

He swept angrily from the room and made his way down to the dungeons, determined to find Horace. It was late, so there was a strong chance he would be passed out after his evening nightcap. Severus banged on the door to Horace’s chambers as loudly as he dared; he did not want to attract the attention of the Carrows.

The door creaked open and the blotchy face of Horace Slughorn came into view. “Severus,” he said shortly. “What can I do for you at this late hour?”

Horace, like many of the other teachers at Hogwarts, did not know the reasons why Severus had killed Albus Dumbledore, so he was understandably cold towards him. This would need to change though, as Severus needed as much information as he could get on Horcruxes, and Horace was the one who could give it.

“Inside, Horace, I need to speak with you.”

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

It was late evening when Malfoy suddenly hissed loudly from his bunk and dropped the book he was reading. She hurried over to see what was wrong and found him gripping his forearm so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

“What’s wrong?” she whispered, trying her best not to wake Ron, who was asleep on the sofa.

“Can you summon the numbing cream from my trunk?” he asked in a pained voice.

She cast a Silencing Charm around them and quickly yanked his trunk open to summon the cream. Clambering up onto his bed, she yanked his arm towards her and pulled up his shirt. He tried to pull back, but she refused to let go.

“Is he summoning his followers?”

“Yes.”

“Is it painful?” she asked as he scooped out some of the cream and began smothering it on his arm over the Dark Mark.

“I don’t know what gave you that idea.” He gave her a look like she had just asked the stupidest question known to man.

“Can he track you here?” she asked him nervously.

“No, as if Snape or McGonagall would have let me come with you if he could do that.”

He was annoyed; she could tell from his snippy tone.

“Can I get you anything else?”

“No, I just have to wait for the gathering to conclude, and then it should stop. Let’s hope it’s a short meeting.”

Hermione hated feeling helpless, but that was all she could feel as she watched Malfoy wincing. They had been together in the tent for nearly a month now, and she had grown somewhat fond him. Seeing him in pain was more distressing than she thought it would be.

I have no idea how to help!

She looked around, wondering if there was anything in her books that may help to alleviate his pain. As if reading her mind, he softened slightly and muttered, “Don’t worry, Granger; nothing can be done. It won’t kill me.”

She looked over at her bunk, where she’d left The Tales of Beedle the Bard, and without second-guessing herself, reached across and grabbed it along with her pillow. She used the pillow to prop herself up next to Malfoy and opened the book.

“Do you have a preference?” she asked.

“You’re going to read me a story?” he asked, sounding rather perplexed.

“Maybe, if you’re good.” She smiled at his mischievous smirk.

He winced slightly as he settled himself next to her. “Babbitty Rabbitty.”

“That’s Ron’s favourite too.”

“On second thought, that’s the worst one… Let’s go with The Tale of the Three Brothers.”

Hermione shook her head in amusement as she found the story and began reading.

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

“What the actual fuck?!”

It took a few seconds for Draco to find enough consciousness to open his eyes. He coughed, seemingly having inhaled a lot of… Hair? He peered around in confusion as something moved next to him. Granger.

Oh fuck.

The last thing he remembered, she was reading about the brother who received the Invisibility Cloak and then nothing. He used his hand to pull her hair out of his mouth as she looked between him and the soggy hair in utter mortification. She had clearly fallen asleep too; they appeared to have been slumped onto each other, on his bed, with The Tales of Beedle the Bard perched haphazardly between them. It must have looked quite cosy to Weasley, who was currently glaring at them whilst Potter looked somewhat amused standing next to him.

“Want to explain what the fuck this is?” Weasley demanded.

Sarcasm, Draco, use your sarcasm.

“Granger wanted to read me a bedtime story. What can I say? It was so good it even sent her to sleep.”

Granger, who was now fully awake and suitably embarrassed, decided to hit him with The Tales of Beedle the Bard. It didn’t really hurt, being a kids book and all, but Draco yowled and pretended to fall onto the mattress in pain.

“Oh no, did I hit your Mark? I didn’t mean to!” she squeaked in alarm.

“What about his Mark?” Potter asked, looking worried.

“How could you!” Draco declared dramatically. “Have I not been through enough pain for one evening?!”

Sensing that he was winding her up, she promptly hit him with the book again before turning to the others.

“This is not what it looks like!”

“Yes, it is,” he cut in.

“No, it’s not!” she told Potter and Weasley firmly. Weasley honestly looked like he might explode, and Draco was here for it.

“Why don’t you tell us what happened?” Potter asked awkwardly.

“Malfoy’s Dark Mark started burning; he was in a lot of pain, so I got him his numbing cream and… well… I decided to read him a story to take his mind off it, and we must have fallen asleep.”

“But you are in his bed!” Weasley accused.

“She doesn’t join you in your bed occasionally? Is it just me that gets this privilege, Granger?” he grinned at her, and she blushed bright red.

“Can you please stop talking?” she hissed at him.

“I should hex you!”

“Ron! No one is hexing Malfoy,” Potter told him with a roll of his eyes. “We actually have more important things to discuss…”

“What?” Granger pushed forward so she was sitting on her knees, still in Draco’s bed, he noted smugly to himself.

“Phineas was yelling from your bag, Hermione, which you would have heard if you hadn’t cast a Silencing Charm around the bed…” Potter let that one hang in the air. Draco refrained from saying anything sarcastic; Weasley looked like he was one comment away from throwing an Avada at him.

“Malfoy was in a lot of pain, and I didn’t want to wake Ron!” Granger desperately tried to explain.

“Anyway…” Potter continued… “It seems that Snape has found another…” he looked at Draco before huffing in annoyance… “artefact. Only this one can’t be dealt with until last because You-Know-Who will know what we are doing if we get rid of it.”

“What is it?” Granger asked, enthusiastically bouncing up and down. The way her leggings stretched over her arse in this position gave Draco a very clear view of the kind of underwear she was wearing. Potter coughed deliberately, and Draco looked up to find the most withering look on his face. He had clearly been very aware of what Draco had been looking at. Luckily, Weasley had gone to the kitchen to get a Butterbeer and hadn’t noticed.

Can’t blame a guy for looking…

“Nagini,” Potter said.

“Oh, I hate that fucking Snake; she ate three of our swans,” he told them.

“I guess it makes sense; he always keeps Nagini with him, and he has a connection to snakes,” Granger replied, completely ignoring the comment about his poor swans.

Rude.

“So that leaves two to find?” Weasley questioned.

“Yes, although we still need to destroy the Locket and take out Nagini when the time is right,” Granger noted.

“It feels like we are moving forward,” Potter said with a glimmer of relief in his eyes.

“Want to tell me what the mission is yet?” he asked.

Both Granger and Potter looked at Weasley, who aggressively told them, “No.”

“Well, if that’s all, Granger and I will be getting back to our nap.” He patted the bed next to him. Granger, suddenly realising that there was no real reason for her to still be in his bed, hopped down and declared that she would take the current watch, as she needed some fresh air.

As soon as Weasley had disappeared to take a shower, Potter decided to join Draco.

“I should start charging, apparently everyone wants to sleep with me.”

“You’re not my type,” Potter told him with an amused smile. “Do you need to take the 3am shift tonight?”

“Yes.”

They nodded in mutual understanding.

“I have a favour to ask you.” Potter cast a Silencing Charm around them. “Ron and Hermione have been dancing around each other for years. I won’t lie; I don’t think they are right for each other. I think he would quite literally drive her crazy.”

Draco frowned, wondering where this was going.

“But we are all sharing a tent, and have a very important job to do. The last thing we need is for tension, sexual or otherwise, to rip everyone apart. So keep it in your pants, yeah?”

Draco’s eyes widened, “You think I want to shag Granger?”

What the actual fuck…

Potter just observed him with a weird look on his face, so Draco continued, “Potter, I’m not sure what you have convinced yourself of in that weird little brain of yours, but I can quite assure you that even though Granger is surprisingly pleasant and funny to be around, and whilst I do appreciate her intellect, we are not going to shag.”

“Oh fucking Christ,” he exclaimed as Draco frowned. “I honestly thought you were just desperate for a shag, but you just complimented her personality and intellect.”

Draco rolled his eyes in exasperation. “Potter, I also think you are surprisingly pleasant and funny; the intellect is a bit questionable, but do you think this means I want to shag you too?”

“I dunno, do you?”

“How much are you offering?”

They burst out laughing.

Weasley chose that moment to walk out of the bathroom and the death stare he gave them would have scared a normal person shitless. Draco, however, was not normal. Weasley waved his wand, cancelling the Silencing Charm, but before he could say anything Draco called, “What’s the matter now, Weasley? Am I not allowed to have Potter in my bed either?”

“Fucking hell,” Potter groaned.

“Just fuck off, Malfoy,” he slumped down on the sofa, looking rather dejected.

Well, that was a painfully disappointing come-back…

Draco sighed dramatically and jumped down to approach the man-child. “Weasley, what Granger said earlier was true. We didn’t mean to fall asleep, and nothing untoward happened. You know what she is like; she just couldn’t bear to leave me writhing in pain.”

Weasley swallowed, looking marginally relieved. “Just… don’t let it happen again.”

“It’s ok, Potter has promised to warm my bed and read me stories going forward…” he pretended to whisper behind his hand… “I think he fancies me.”

“You’re such a colossal dick,” Potter called, jumping down from the bed to join them.

“You’re right, Potter! I do have a colossal dick. Thank you for noticing.”

Weasley actually laughed; it was a miracle.

When it hit 3am and it was time to relieve Granger of watch duty (and have a wank), he exited the tent, feeling rather accomplished with himself. Him and Granger had enjoyed a rather nice nap, Weasley didn’t want to hex him anymore, it sounded like Nagini’s time was coming to an end, and he had successfully managed to make beans on toast.

Granger gave him a rather annoyed smile as he approached. He let his eyes wander over her, really taking her in as he pondered what Potter had said earlier. Had she ever crossed his mind at school? Occasionally. She had a good body and a pretty face. She had learnt to control her hair better as time went on, and she had looked really hot at the Yule Ball. She was attractive to look at, but that wasn’t what made her stand out, he realised. She was funny and intelligent. She didn’t make annoying small talk like a lot of the pureblood girls… She was different.

FUCK.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

I DO NOT FANCY GRANGER.

I’M GOING TO KILL POTTER FOR PUTTING THIS IN MY HEAD.

“Ron didn’t hex you then?” she asked.

“I made him laugh actually…” Her eyebrows shot up… “I know, I have a gift, Granger. I can make people go from hating me to thinking I’m tolerable in a very short period of time.”

“Hmm, I’m inclined to agree.”

His eyes fell on a wet patch of ground by a nearby tree, and he frowned. Nothing else appeared to be wet; it clearly hadn’t rained.

“What’s that?” he asked her, pointing to it.

“Oh… I was just practicing a spell.” She waved her wand and the wet patch dried.

“A spell…”

“Yep, anyway I’m tired… Good night.” She hurried off, deliberately avoiding eye contact.

Odd.

Chapter Text

Hermione Granger

She knew that staring at someone whilst they slept was generally considered creepy, but Malfoy was drooling all over his pillow, and it was very amusing to see him do something so… inelegant. The book she had balanced on her legs had long since been abandoned; she wasn’t getting anywhere with her research into alternative methods to destroy a Horcrux. Hermione was starting to think that they may have to find somewhere to cast Fiendfyre, although that really should be a last resort.

Malfoy shifted, and his silk pyjama top got caught underneath him, pulling slightly to the side to reveal a glimpse of his chest. Hermione bit her lip as she looked. She hadn’t been immune to his good looks through school, although it was easy to ignore when he was being such an arse towards her. The past seven weeks had been rather surreal, as if hunting Horcruxes in order to take down the Darkest wizard of all time wasn’t enough, she was now friendly with the boy who had been her rival and bully in school.

Hermione was starting to understand Malfoy’s past behaviour. She had always assumed he was a spoiled rich kid, and to a certain extent that was true. He had been raised to believe he was better than everyone else, but at the same time, was always punished for not being good enough. From the few stories he had told her over the past few weeks, it sounded like his father punished him often and sometimes in ways that bordered on cruel. Then You-Know-Who had returned, and he hadn’t stood a chance; he had been forced to face a reality that no one should have to face. And his parents, the people who were supposed to protect him, couldn’t do anything. Most people would have crumbled, but instead of throwing his toys out of the pram, he was stepping up to try and help. She respected that.

The wind and rain battered against the tent, reminding her to cast another Warming Charm around herself, and she discreetly cast one around Malfoy too. She needed to talk to Ron again about giving Malfoy his wand back. It was getting to the point where Harry and Hermione had considered overruling him. The vendetta Ron had against Malfoy, whilst understandable to begin with, had very obviously turned petty. She looked at Ron, who was playing Wizard’s Chess with Harry by the tent entrance. He looked agitated; now probably wasn’t the best time to tackle him about Malfoy. Although, she wasn’t sure there would ever be a good time.

Malfoy groaned sleepily and squinted against the sudden light as he opened his eyes. Hermione smiled down at him in amusement.

“Are you watching me sleep, Granger?”

“No, I’m watching you drool all over your pillow.”

He reached a hand up to wipe his mouth, and a faint pink tinge graced his cheeks. “Wonderful, just the look I was going for.”

She chuckled, “It’s just nice to see you do something so normal… and gross.”

He rolled his eyes. “What time is it?”

“Around one in the afternoon.”

“And what delight might there be for lunch today?”

Hermione cringed; the food situation was getting pretty bad. They had managed to pick up a few bits from the odd farm shop, but they had barely any money left, and it was getting to the point where they might have to start stealing. It really didn’t sit right with her; she would have to make a list of every place and return to pay them at a later date.

“There’s some bread and butter…”

She could tell Malfoy was about to make a sarcastic comment, but upon noticing her anxious expression, stopped himself.

“Right…” He pushed the blankets off and dropped down from his bed.

“I’ll help,” she said; she still hadn’t eaten anything herself yet.

“I know I am dreadful in the kitchen, but I think even I can manage bread and butter,” he told her dryly.

“Oh, well I haven’t eaten, so I was going to make myself some too.”

He waved his hand at her, indicating she should go back to what she was doing. “I will bring you some.”

Oh…

Those words produced a rather insistent fluttering feeling in her stomach, which was highly unexpected. She looked guiltily over at Ron again, who was now angrily gesturing at the chessboard, demanding to know how Harry had outmanoeuvred him. She was worried about Ron; he wasn’t coping very well with being cooped up, and he kept taking it out on the rest of them. In fact, she had been actively trying to avoid him, which was hard to do when your world mainly consisted of a tent and a few meters of ground outside. She had tried to talk to him, but it normally resulted in him throwing accusations at her about Malfoy, which, whilst not true, then got her thinking about Malfoy, which was really messing with her head. Ron had even accused her of getting ‘suspiciously close’ to Harry at one point, which was ridiculous. She knew Harry was on the receiving end of these comments too. She had overheard Ron telling Harry off for encouraging Malfoy by laughing at his jokes. Hermione had concluded he was jealous, and no amount of reassuring him or trying to include him seemed to be helping.

Malfoy returned a moment later and handed her a plate containing a lone piece of bread smothered in butter. He re-settled himself on his bunk and began to eat whilst she picked at it.

“Thanks,” she muttered.

“Found anything useful?” he asked, nodding at the book in her lap.

She huffed in frustration. “Nothing new… If only Snape could speak Parseltongue; he could go into the Chamber of Secrets and get us a Basilisk fang.”

“Ah, Potter’s heroic Basilisk slaying moment from second year…” Malfoy rolled his eyes. “How did he kill it anyway? The stories always differed, although my favourite rumour was that Potter hypnotised it by doing a sexy dance, then made it drown itself.”

A laugh escaped her. “Not quite. Fawkes, Dumbledore’s Phoenix, brought Harry the Sorting Hat…”

“Definitely not the start I was expecting.”

… “Harry reached into the hat and pulled out the Sword of Godric Gryffindor. Hogwarts always provides to those in need and all that…”

“I can quite assure you that statement is not true.”

… “Fawkes pecked out the Basilisk’s eyes so Harry could look at it without being petrified, and, long story short, he stabbed it with the Sword.”

Malfoy was looking at her with a curious expression on his face. “The Sword is goblin-made if I remember correctly?”

“Yes, that’s right…”

“Goblin-wrought metal absorbs that which makes it stronger, so it would have absorbed the Basilisk venom…”

Realisation hit Hermione square in the face. “Oh shit! That’s why Dumbledore tried to leave the Sword to Harry in his will!”

“Did you just swear?!” He looked positively gleeful.

“HARRY! RON! Come over here!”

They immediately abandoned their chess game (Harry looked rather relieved) to see what was wrong.

Hermione quickly explained their discovery that the Sword of Gryffindor could destroy the ‘special artefacts’ they were hunting. She knew that for Harry, the fact that Dumbledore had tried to give them a means to destroy the Horcruxes would be a big deal. It was just unfortunate that his request had been blocked by the Ministry. Although, if the Ministry were to be believed, then it wouldn’t matter anyway as the Sword was missing.

“Of course,” Harry said numbly as he processed the information.

“Doesn’t really help though, does it,” Ron shrugged, much to her annoyance.

“Doesn’t help!? Ron, this is the first breakthrough we’ve had!” she insisted.

Why can’t he just look on the positive side for once?!

“But we don’t have the Sword…”

He was getting on her last nerve.

“I’ve got the Sword,” Malfoy said, shocking them all into a momentary loss of speech.

WHAT?!

“What? No you haven’t!” Harry laughed incredulously.

Malfoy sighed as he got down from his bed and opened his trunk to pull out the Sword of Gryffindor.

Hermione’s mouth dropped open in shock.

Had he had it this whole time?!

“What the fuck are you doing with the Sword of Gryffindor, and why didn’t you tell us you had it?!” Ron demanded, trying to grab the Sword, but Malfoy held it behind him, out of reach.

“Snape gave it to me shortly before I joined you; he didn’t explain why, so I assumed he knew you would take my wand and gave it to me as a form of protection.”

“Because a Sword can protect you from a curse that I could cast from a mile away?” Harry noted sarcastically.

“It absorbs that which makes it stronger, Potter. If I swung this Sword into your curse, it would absorb it!”

“You would have to have very good reflexes to be catching spells with a Sword.”

“I do have good reflexes; you’ve seen me on the Quidditch pitch.”

“Yeah I have, your reflexes are average at best.”

“Are you two seriously having this debate right now?!” Hermione gave them both an annoyed look.

“Give me the Sword, Malfoy,” Ron demanded.

“Give me my wand,” he retorted.

“Not a chance.”

Hermione and Harry exchanged a look; it was apparently time to tackle the wand situation.

“I’m happy to give Malfoy his wand,” she said hesitantly, waiting for Ron’s reaction.

“Me too,” Harry quickly agreed.

Malfoy absolutely did not help matters by shooting a smug grin in Ron’s direction.

Absolute prat.

“I don’t care. We agreed that all three of us would have to be in agreement before we gave twatface his wand back, and I am not! I don’t trust the smug git.”

“Ron, please don’t make us overrule you,” Harry pleaded.

“How can you trust him? He is blackmailing you right now!”

Ron took a step towards Harry, and it didn’t seem to be in an overly friendly way. Hermione held on to her wand tightly, raising it slightly in preparation.

Malfoy angrily chucked the Sword at Ron’s feet. “I was always going to hand over the Sword, Weasley, but it’s been nearly two months, and I’ve been trying really hard to help, even though I still don’t know exactly what you are doing. And hey, here’s a thought! Perhaps if I had known, I would have given you the Sword sooner! But either way, I deserve my wand back!”

Harry summoned Malfoy’s wand from Hermione’s bag and thrust it towards him. “Here, take it.”

“So that’s how it is!” Ron bellowed, going red in the face.

“Ron, please…” Hermione started.

“That’s enough!” Harry growled at everyone. “We have a way of destroying Horcruxes; this is good! We should be celebrating. Everyone cool off, and later tonight we are going to destroy the damn Locket… Actually, Ron is going to destroy it, seeing as it affects him the most.”

“Horcruxes?” Malfoy questioned.

“Great, so now we are telling him all our secrets!” Ron threw his arms up in the air and marched outside into the rain.

Hopefully it might cool him off.

“Did you ever fancy me in school?” Malfoy asked her suddenly.

“What?!”

“I thought you were telling me all your secrets. How about you, Potter?”

“You are insufferable sometimes, you know that?” she told him, grabbing her book and pointedly opening it to show that she was done with the conversation.

“I’m going to take that as a yes…”

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

Draco was very much enjoying having his wand back. He had been casting little spells all afternoon, much to the annoyance of Potter and Granger, who were often on the receiving end. Of course, sometimes they didn’t notice. Like now, he was discreetly casting a third Warming Charm around Granger as she read. This was a common trick the Slytherins used to play in order to get the girls to take their jumpers off. The white shirts of the Hogwarts school uniform tended to be fairly see-through, and there was normally a bet on what colour bra the person was wearing. Draco had bet himself that Granger had a white bra on, although unfortunately, she was very unlikely to be wearing her school shirt under the jumper, so confirming his suspicion would likely prove tricky.

Granger blew out a breath. “Why is it so warm in here?”

Draco hid his smirk by looking down at the book he had long since given up reading.

Harry frowned at her from the sofa. “It’s the end of October, and we’re in Scotland; it’s not warm.”

“It’s probably me; girls always get flustered in my presence,” Draco told her.

“I think it’s more likely that I’m getting ill,” she told him flatly.

Rude.

She went back to reading, so he cast another Warming Charm around her. A few seconds later she blew out another long breath and pulled off her jumper, revealing a dusky pink strappy top which gave a clear view of her bra strap (and cleavage - a nice bonus) which was white!

“I KNEW IT!” he exclaimed triumphantly.

Both Potter and Granger shot him confused looks as he smirked at them and then pretended to go back to his book.

“Urm, are you going to share with the room or…?” Potter asked, trailing off with an expectant look.

“Oh, I just confirmed my suspicion that Granger is wearing a white bra…” He went back to his book.

Granger spluttered, “Wait! Have you been casting Warming Charms around me in order to get me to take my jumper off?!”

“Yes, how else was I supposed to know who won the bet?” He gave her a look that said she was being stupid.

Winding her up should not be this much fun.

“The bet you had with yourself?” Potter clarified, clearly trying not to laugh.

“It’s been a long two months, Potter; we all have our ways of coping…”

“You have got to be kidding me. You are such an arse!” Granger threw a book at him which he caught out of the air with a laugh.

“Oh come on, you can’t tell me the Gryffindors never used to play that trick? It’s a classic…” He looked to Potter, who looked sheepishly away.

“Harry!” Granger scolded.

“Well it wasn’t that bad! Seamus used to tell the girls he had seen a spider crawl into their jumper…”

“That’s just as bad!” Granger exclaimed as Draco laughed.

“It was years ago; we were young and stupid!”

“Some people still are stupid it seems,” she grumbled, shooting Draco a look.

He responded by throwing another Warming Charm at her.

“Stop it!”

“Nope.” He cast another one.

“That’s it; give me that bloody wand back!” She launched herself across the beds at him. He laughed as she climbed his body like a tree, trying desperately to reach the wand that he was holding as far away as possible. This had taken a delightful turn; she wriggled and huffed at him whilst her tits pressed into his chest.

Salazar, what a great view.

He slid down until he was laying flat on his back with Granger now sprawled on top of him. A delighted grin spread across his face as she tried to claw her way up his body. Her tits were nearly in his face now, which was somewhat arousing, and his cock decided this was a great moment to join the party.

“Urm guys…” Potter said awkwardly.

“Grab his wand, Harry! I will hold him down,” Granger yelled, pushing all her weight into him. Could he have easily lifted her off? Maybe…

“Don’t you dare, Potter…” he yelled, sliding himself further up the bed as she got within grabbing distance of his hand. She followed him…

So feisty, I fucking love it.

He yelped as a Stinging Jinx hit him in the shoulder. Seeing as Granger had yelped too, he assumed Potter had also hit her with the same jinx. They stared at Harry in annoyance and suddenly realised that Weasley was glaring at them from the tent entrance.

“It’s not what it looks like!” Granger yelped.

“Yes, it is,” he answered, much to her annoyance. She clearly hadn’t learnt that was always going to be his response to that statement.

Granger pushed up, managing to sit directly on top of his very hard cock, and he watched as her eyes widened in surprise. Her eyes met his, and they both stared at each other for a moment before she scrambled away to her own bed, and Draco sat up covering himself with his duvet.

“Are we going to get on with destroying this Locket or what?” Weasley said coldly.

“Urm yeah,” Potter replied awkwardly as Weasley retreated back outside. He picked up the Sword. “Can you bring the Locket, Hermione?”

“Yes…”

Potter looked at them both and sighed as he left the tent.

Well this is uncomfortable.

“Sorry about… Urm, what you felt…” He awkwardly gestured to his crotch. The gesture probably wasn’t needed; he didn’t even know why he did it.

She huffed a laugh. “Kind of flattered, actually. I didn’t think a Mudblood would ever do it for you.”

“You know I just said that shit because I was an idiot who thought I was better than everyone else.”

“You don’t think that anymore?”

“Well I’m obviously still better than everyone else, but I have better vocabulary and a broader understanding that pureblood ideology is a load of bullshit.”

She scoffed. “Well, it’s nice to know that even an inbred idiot can have epiphanies.”

Ouch.

“I’m going to let you have that one, Granger, on account of the fact that you just gave me a rather spectacular lap dance.”

Her cheeks reddened. “Let’s get this over with,” she muttered.

The rain had let up outside the tent, but there was still a fine mist in the air, the kind that was likely to ruin your hair in an instant, so Draco cast a Rain-Repellent Charm around himself… Because he could… Because he had his wand back, thank you very much.

Salazar, how I have missed my wand.

Granger set the Locket down on a large rock as Weasley watched with a cold expression on his face. Draco felt a little bit guilty; he hadn’t meant to make the man-child feel bad; he had just been having a bit of fun with Granger. Winding her up was almost addictive. Potter too, they gave back and bantered with him just like his Slytherin friends used to. If only Weasley was less sensitive. The mood in the tent was always tense when he was around. Hopefully, him destroying this Locket might lift his spirits for a bit.

Potter handed Weasley the Sword and gripped his shoulder firmly. “You’ve got this, Ron.”

As Weasley stepped forward with the Sword raised high, a loud keening noise erupted from the Locket, followed by lots of smoke.

Draco quickly put his hands over his ears. “What the fuck is going on?!” he shouted in alarm.

Weasley had stopped, staring transfixed at something emerging from the smoke. Draco took a step closer to see what it was… and let’s just say it wasn’t exactly what he was expecting to see. A smoky Granger was walking towards Weasley, flanked on either side by a smoky Draco and a smoky Potter, yelling about how Ron was unlovable and how nobody would want him over The Chosen One or a Malfoy. Then things took a truly bizarre turn as smoky Granger turned towards smoky Draco, who was just as hot as the real Draco in case you were wondering, and began very enthusiastically kissing him. Smoky Potter approached her from behind and began trailing kisses down her neck. To make matters even worse, it was very clear they were all naked with the smoke very strategically hiding all the fun bits from view.

“Errr…” Draco looked to the others who were also staring at the smoky threesome in bewildered alarm.

“It’s not real, Ron!” Potter yelled, “Don’t pay attention to it!”

Draco thought whatever it was, was actually making quite a compelling argument, although he wasn’t sure what the argument was. Smoky Draco suddenly picked smoky Granger up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he appeared to thrust into her.

Fucking hell.

Smoky Granger moaned loudly, leaning back, and pulling Potter in for a kiss whilst smoky Draco continued fucking her. Smoky Potter’s hand travelled down her body, disappearing into the smoke between her legs. Whatever he was doing made her groan louder. Fucking Salazar, he was so hard his cock was actually hurting. There was a strong chance he may actually cum in his pants, which he had not done since he was fourteen.

Weasley let out a mighty roar as he lunged forward, plunging the Sword right through the centre of the Locket. The smoky sex vision instantly vanished as the remnants of the locket lay harmlessly on the rock. They all walked hesitantly forwards to peer down at it.

“I did it,” Weasley said in disbelief.

Draco suspected Weasley wanted a pat on the back, but the smoky sex scene was still very much playing on repeat in his brain. He quickly cast a look at Granger and Potter, who briefly made eye contact with him and then looked away.

Relatable… Very relatable.

“Well done, Ron,” Potter said, sounding rather strained.

Yep, he definitely has a boner too.

“Aren’t you going to say anything, Hermione?” Weasley asked her.

“I urm… yeah,” She coughed to clear her throat. “Well done.”

Draco couldn’t take it anymore. “Can someone please explain the smoky threesome?! You guys saw that, right?!”

Granger shifted uncomfortably as Harry cleared his throat and in a rather raspy voice explained, “From what I understand, Horcruxes don’t want to be destroyed. You previously discovered that this one plays on our emotions, Malfoy. I think it was playing on Ron’s fears or insecurities.”

Weasley stiffened at these words, his good mood vanishing in an instant. “I’m having an early night,” he told them angrily and stomped off towards the tent.

“I’m taking the 3am shift, Potter,” Draco told him.

“Absolutely not, I need it.”

“You can both fuck off; I’m taking that shift,” Granger told them angrily.

They both looked at her with raised eyebrows.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Please, can you both avoid looking at me for a while.”

Fair.

Chapter Text

Hermione Granger

When the clock finally hit 3am and it was her time for watch, Hermione quietly exited the tent. She had not slept or been able to do much of anything apart from replay the scene the Locket had inflicted upon them over and over in her mind. Multiple times she had glanced at Ron, asleep in his bed, and felt tremendous guilt. That scenario, that was what he was worried about; he didn’t think he was good enough. He thought that Hermione would much rather be with Malfoy or Harry or both at the same time.

Merlin…

Harry had always been her best friend; there was never anything romantic there, although she could appreciate that he was good-looking. Malfoy, however, that was where the guilt really stemmed from. Malfoy was making her feel things that she had not felt before, not even with Ron. He excited her; he said things with no shame; he flirted; he made her laugh; he teased her and drove her insane! It was so unexpected and so annoyingly pointless. She knew Malfoy didn’t have actual feelings for her. They were all stuck in a tent together, and she was just there as a way for him to pass the time. She was a Muggle-born, a Mudblood, and he was a Malfoy. They were both worlds apart from one another.

She caught sight of his white-blond hair in the moonlight; he sat on a log, levitating leaves into a pile as he waited for her to come and take over the watch. He looked peaceful and a lot less worked up than he had been earlier. Her mind took her back to the moment when she had accidentally sat on his crotch and felt his stiff cock pressing against her core.

If I don’t get some relief really soon, I’m going to set something on fire.

At least one of them had gotten some relief, though. She had long since worked out what the 3am Club was for. Clearly the earlier watch had still worked out just fine for Malfoy. Tonight the 3am slot was hers; she needed release, and she did not want to be disturbed or hear people wandering around the tent, which they often did in the 11pm - 3am watch slot. The Locket scene invaded her mind again, and the burning ache between her thighs throbbed impatiently.

“Hey, you can go in now,” she told Malfoy, deliberately avoiding his gaze as he turned to her. It was probably going to be at least a week before she could look him in the eye again; the embarrassment was almost as consuming as the arousal.

“Right.” He pushed himself up and made to move past her before hesitantly asking, “Are you ok, Granger?”

No!

VERY MUCH NO!

“Fine.”

He hesitated some more, clearly trying to work out if he should say anything else or leave her alone.

“Who knew Potter was into third wheeling?”

She choked out a laugh before she could stop herself. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

He shrugged; as their eyes met, his were shining with amusement. “When you lot invited me camping, I didn’t realise Weasley’s weird visions of the future would be included.”

“That was not a vision of the future!”

Oh boy…

“You’re right, Potter would definitely not be invited.” He winked before turning and walking away, leaving her feeling more pent up than ever.

Urgh, does he not realise what he is doing to me?!

She waited twenty minutes; that was surely enough time for the insufferable prat to have gone to bed. She snuck off behind a tree, cast a Notice-Me-Not and Silencio, and then ripped off her trousers and underwear. She didn’t care about build-up; she just needed release. She wordlessly cast Aguamenti after Aguamenti, letting the relentless stream of water hit her clit and send her barreling towards the edge in a matter of minutes. She leaned back against the tree for support as she closed her eyes and pictured Malfoy thrusting into her. A moan escaped as the release finally came. The orgasm forced wave after wave of pleasure through her body, sending her into a quivering mess.

Sooooo much better.

After casting a quick Drying Charm, she pulled on her clothes and lay propped against the tree trunk, enjoying the post-orgasm bliss.

The rest of the night passed uneventfully, but just as 7am approached and she was getting ready to go inside and take a very much-needed sleep, Ron appeared, looking somewhat annoyed but also very determined.

Oh Godric, I don’t think I can face whatever this is.

She smiled cautiously as he sat down beside her. “You’re up early.”

“I wanted to speak to you before the others got up.” He picked up a stick and started stabbing it into the ground.

“Ok.”

“What you saw…what the Locket showed you.” He stabbed the stick into the ground more violently, it made her nervous. “Is that what you want?”

A threesome?! Jesus, I haven’t even had sex with one person…

“No.”

“I always thought that me and you… I dunno.”

Hermione resisted the eye-roll; Ron was so bad when it came to talking about his feelings. Even though she had just experienced the weirdest night of her life and desperately needed to sleep, she knew that she would have to take the lead in this conversation.

“I thought so too. I care about you a lot, Ron. It’s just that things haven’t been easy these past few months, and I think it’s taken its toll on all of us.”

He stopped his violent stick stabbing to look at her. “Did you want to try? Give it a go, I mean?”

Oh Godric, how am I going to explain that I don’t want to…

“I…” A painful ache rolled through her stomach, and she felt a lump form in her throat. She owed him an answer, but she didn’t want to lose him; he had such a short temper. She let out a painful breath… “For me, I think that broom has flown. I love you, Ron, I really do, but just as a friend.” A tear escaped down her cheek; she couldn’t bear to look at him; she felt so awful.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” Ron hit the stick into the floor so aggressively it got wedged and snapped. He spun on her. “Ever since Malfoy showed up, you have been different. Everything was fine, and then he came along and started flirting and complimenting you, and suddenly I no longer exist. You do realise he is doing it to wind me up, don’t you?! He doesn’t actually like you! You will always be a Mudblood to him.”

A few more tears tracked down her cheeks at his words, and she quickly wiped them with her hand. Ron was just hurting; he just needed to get out his frustration.

“Ron, please don’t start down that route; my feelings for you started changing long before Malfoy showed up. I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t lie or pretend things haven’t changed for me when they have. You should have worked out what you wanted sooner. Was I supposed to wait around forever?”

“But he is using you, Hermione!”

Still stuck on Malfoy, then.

She scoffed. “Where have I heard that line before? Oh, that’s right; you said the same thing about Viktor, who is lovely and who still writes to me.”

“You’re still in contact with Krum?!” He looked outraged.

Well this had taken a turn.

“Yes, Ron, we are friends; staying in contact is what friends do!” She was really starting to lose her patience; the lack of sleep was not helping.

“Just like you and Malfoy are friends?!” Ron stood up to start pacing.

“Ron, please calm down,” she begged.

In hindsight, telling someone to calm down when they were angry probably wasn’t the best idea.

He responded to her plea by hurling a spell at a nearby tree, blasting a hole through the trunk that sent splinters flying everywhere. Hermione shrieked, managing to cast a shield around herself just in time.

“What the hell is going on?!” Harry demanded, running out of the tent in a pair of boxers. Malfoy followed after him in his silk pyjamas, which left little to the imagination. Malfoy clearly did not bother with underwear in bed.

Really not the time to be thinking about that, Hermione!

Ron launched another spell at the tree.

Hermione disarmed him whilst he was distracted and caught his wand out of the air.

“Did you just disarm me?!” he yelled, rounding on her in quite an intimidating way.

Both Harry and Malfoy ran towards them, and Harry stepped in front of Ron to block his path. “Ron! What are you doing? What happened?”

Ron scoffed, “Him.” He spat at Malfoy, “He is what happened!”

Malfoy thankfully stayed quiet, his wand arm slightly raised in case he needed to cast at a moment's notice.

“I told Ron I didn’t want to be with him, and he is blaming Malfoy,” Hermione said quietly.

“And Krum!” Ron yelled.

“And Viktor, apparently.”

She had not seen Viktor in years; this was ridiculous.

“Christ.” Harry looked like this was the last thing he needed to be dealing with right now.

Hermione could absolutely relate.

“Oh, am I inconveniencing you?!” Ron shot at him. “You’re no better; you’ve been seduced by Malfoy too!”

“Pardon me?” Malfoy cut in with his eyebrows raised.

“Just fuck off, you Death Eater prick; haven’t you done enough?! You and your stupid fucking pyjamas!”

“What’s wrong with my pyjamas? Was it the pyjamas that seduced you, Potter? I wouldn’t blame you; they are made from very high quality silk.”

Bloody hell.

“You’re choosing that.” Ron pointed at Malfoy. “Over me?! Seriously, Hermione.”

“What?! I’m not choosing anybody over you; I didn’t even mention Malfoy! You were the one who brought him up. Merlin, I have a headache, I’ve been up since 3am, and I need to get some sleep. Can we please just talk about this later when you’ve calmed down?”

“I see where I fall in your priorities now,” he told them before snatching his wand from Hermione’s hand and marching back into the tent.

Hermione rubbed at her head; it was throbbing, and her stomach was rolling with a mixture of guilt and anger. There was a slight chance she may be sick.

“Hermione, are you ok?” Harry gripped her shoulders tightly, but before she could answer, there was a loud splintering sound as something inside the tent exploded.

“Fucking hell, what is he doing?!” Harry exclaimed, running to the tent with her and Malfoy following close behind.

They came across Ron, who was angrily shoving things into his trunk next to what used to be the bunk beds, but which now could only be described as a splintered mess of wood, fabric, and debris.

“Ron, what did you do!?” Harry demanded.

“I did you a favour; you can all sleep together now and re-enact the scene from the Locket. I’m leaving…”

“Woah, Weasley, calm down…”

To Hermione’s surprise, Malfoy stepped in front of Ron with his hands up in a placating gesture.

… “Look, I know you don’t like me; I wind you up and joke around, but I didn’t mean for it to upset you this badly. Maybe I pushed it too far…”

Ron didn’t say anything, just swung at Malfoy out of nowhere, punching him in the nose, which broke with a sickening crack.

“RON!” Harry and Hermione screamed in unison.

Hermione ran to Malfoy, helping him to a nearby chair as blood began pouring from his nose.

“GET OUT!” Harry ordered. “Go and calm down; we will deal with this later.”

“There won’t be a later; I’m not coming back,” Ron told them as he left, dragging his trunk behind him.

“Fuck,” Harry exclaimed, raking his hand through his hair as he collapsed onto the sofa.

“Two out of the three of you have punched me now,” Malfoy said around his pain-filled grimace. “Do you want to punch me too, Potter, and make it a full set?”

“Yeah, alright,” Harry said, standing up.

“Sit the fuck down! It was a rhetorical question, you prat.”

Hermione summoned some tissues. “Here, use these to stop the bleeding whilst I fix your nose.”

She was shaking, she realised. The shock and adrenaline from what had just transpired were doing a number on her body.

“Potter can patch me up; you should get some sleep,” he told her, taking the tissues gently.

“He’s right. Come on, I will fix the beds first so you can get some rest, and then I will fix Malfoy… priorities and all that.”

Harry shot Malfoy a smirk as he grabbed Hermione’s arm and led her towards what had once been their bunk beds.

Godric, what a mess.

“Sure, don’t mind me, Potter. I will just sit here bleeding out on the sofa.”

It took a few minutes for Harry to cast the relevant spells to fix everything; there were still a lot of broken and torn things strewn about, but those could be fixed later.

Hermione needed to curl up under the bed covers and try to forget what had just happened. She needed sleep; she couldn’t deal with all the emotions raging through her right now. She didn’t even bother changing her clothes; she just turned away from the boys and pulled the duvet up over her head, shutting out the world.

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

“You’ve definitely set my nose back wonky,” Draco accused as he examined his nose for the tenth time that day.

“I did not; your nose is fine!” Potter shot back, slightly louder than he had meant to.

They both cast worried looks towards the duvet-covered lump that was Granger. She had gotten up a few times throughout the day, normally to do something mundane like eat or go to the toilet, before returning to bed without saying anything. It was rather disconcerting, and Draco didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Potter was no use either; he just watched her nervously, like he was terrified he might say the wrong thing, so he chose silence instead.

“I can’t believe she actually told Ron she didn’t want to be with him,” Potter muttered quietly. They were currently enjoying a rather sad meal of pasta covered in ‘ketchup’; it probably would have tasted better with a bit of cheese, but they’d run out of that a week ago.

Draco could not deny the unexplainable thrill that had gone through him when he had heard her say those words. Though the thrill had quickly turned to confusion when Weasley had accused him of seducing Potter; he supposed he shouldn’t be surprised given what the Locket had shown them. Clearly Weasley had a few insecurities when it came to his friends, which he could understand to a certain extent, especially when it came to himself. Weasley had witnessed Draco flirting, falling asleep on, and wrestling Granger… but Potter? He definitely hadn’t done anything even remotely close to seducing Potter.

“You said it yourself, Potter; they were not right for each other.”

“You said that, Harry?” Granger emerged out of her duvet nest to look at them.

Shit.

“Err, I’ll just…” He looked around for an excuse not to be a part of this conversation… “organise the matching sticks.”

He leapt up with his pasta and grabbed the small box from the kitchen side, turning his back on them and pretending he wasn’t listening to every word. Which he absolutely was, in case you were wondering.

He heard Potter sigh. “Yeah, I did. Maybe there was a time when I thought you could have been good together, but then he got with Lavender last year even though he knew how you felt, and that didn’t sit right with me. You’re also just very different people; he would have driven you crazy.”

Draco cast a curious glance over his shoulder, trying to see how Granger was taking the news. She looked deep in thought; it took a few minutes until she said anything else.

“Is he really gone, Harry?”

Urgh, she sounds so sad.

He heard Potter get up and walk closer to her. “I think so. I looked around the woods for ages under the Invisibility Cloak, but there was no sign of him.”

The Invisibility Cloak had been an interesting discovery; it was incredibly rare, if not unheard of, for a Cloak of Invisibility not to lose its power after a week or so. Most shops didn’t bother selling them as they were, generally considered, a waste of money: one week of invisibility for thousands of Galleons? It just wasn’t worth it. Potter didn’t even realise how unusual the Cloak was; clearly no one had bothered to explain it to him.

“I can’t believe he left us…” she sniffled, and Draco had the overwhelming, urgh, to feed her chocolate and rub her feet.

Fuck, what is it about her feet?!

… “What we are doing is important, far more important than anything else, and he just walked away. He left us, Harry. If my mind wasn’t made up before, it definitely is now. He just destroyed any chance we may have had.”

“I think we both know there hasn’t been a chance of anything for a while,” Harry muttered almost too quietly for Draco to hear.

“Malfoy!”

He jumped at her voice, and the matching sticks went flying.

Fuck.

He looked guiltily over at Potter, who was giving him the most ‘I’m so done with you, you fucking eavesdropping moron’ look he had ever seen.

“Yes, Granger?” he replied as casually as he could.

“Your numbing cream!” she exclaimed, pointing at the bits of smashed pot on the side table.

“Yes, unfortunately it got smashed when Weasley decided to blow up the beds. There are too many glass fragments contaminating the cream for it to be repaired. Hopefully the Dark Lord doesn’t call many meetings, as I don’t think a bedtime story will help. In fact, can we all agree that you will just stun me for a few hours if it happens?”

“With pleasure,” Potter agreed instantly.

“Can we make more?” Granger asked whilst scrambling out of bed to examine the broken pot.

“Maybe, but we would need a few ingredients that I don’t have with me.”

Granger looked hesitantly at Harry, who shifted awkwardly.

“We can’t go into populated wizarding areas,” he said, sounding rather apologetic.

“Well, I know somewhere secure that is well stocked; we could also get some food too. But you would have to trust me…”

He had been debating suggesting this for a few weeks, but with Weasley around he knew the answer would have been no. However, now that Weasley had decided to leave, perhaps Granger and Potter could be persuaded.

“Where?!” Granger asked.

“My grandmother, Druella Black, previously Rosier, had a cottage on the outskirts of Bath, which my mother inherited upon her passing. It’s sat empty for years, only me and my mother know about it, and only someone with Rosier blood can get in. It was Druella’s safe house. My mother told me before I left that I should go there if I ever needed anything or got into trouble; it’s always kept well stocked.”

Potter and Granger seemed to be having a conversation without actually saying anything. They did that quite a lot.

“It’s risky,” Potter said eventually.

“So is running out of supplies,” Granger retorted.

“Well, perhaps Malfoy and I can go under the Cloak, scope it out…”

Granger scoffed, cutting Potter off before he could finish.

“I will go with Malfoy. You are the Chosen One, Harry. It’s more important for you to stay here in case something happens… Plus, you two won’t fit under the cloak together.”

Potter did not look pleased.

Draco was trying very hard not to make any sarcastic comments; he felt he deserved some recognition for that feat of self-restraint.

“Fine, you should both get a good night’s sleep and go tomorrow. I’ll give you one hour, but you have to promise to send me a Patronus if anything goes wrong.”

“The cottage is under the protection of the Fidelius Charm. When my grandmother died, my mother and I became the Secret Keepers. I am going to share the address with the both of you,” he gave Potter a pointed look, “But remember you can’t get through the blood wards without Rosier blood, so don’t do anything stupid like follow us.”

Potter scoffed, “As if I would.”

“You absolutely would.” Granger scowled at him.

“Fine, I will stay here! Just promise to send a Patronus if there is even the slightest hint of something going wrong.”

“Fine,” Draco agreed.

“I’m talking to Hermione; you can’t even cast a Patronus.”

Rude.

“Oh, I’m so sorry I don’t have many happy memories!”

“Don’t give me that, you prick; you could cast one if you tried. Just think of all the times your hair looked really good; I’m sure your ferret would appear in no time!”

“Ferret?! My Patronus would not be a ferret!”

“I beg to differ.”

“Enough! Harry, I promise to send a Patronus if anything goes wrong,” Granger cut in, looking exasperated.

“Good.”

“Good.” Draco sat on the sofa, hoping that this wasn’t a mistake. He had just gained their trust; the last thing he wanted to do was suggest something that would potentially put them in danger.

“Malfoy’s Patronus would be a Samoyed; demanding, mischievous, loud at inappropriate times, requires a lot of grooming…” Granger added, looking pleased with herself

“It’s ok to admit you fancy me, Granger,” he smirked as her mouth dropped open. “Clearly you put a lot of thought into that.”

“I did not; it’s the obvious choice!”

“A Samoyed was the obvious choice?!”

“Malfoy…” Potter looked at him in annoyance.

Draco raised an eyebrow.

…“Go and clean up the bloody match sticks.”

Urgh.

Chapter Text

Rodolphus Lestrange

Rodolphus stepped through the fireplace into the headmaster’s office at Hogwarts to find Severus standing on a chair with his ear pressed against an empty Portrait.

Interesting…

“What the fuck are you doing?” he asked.

For the first time in his life, it appeared that Rodolphus had managed to catch Severus off guard. The man flinched in surprise and quickly leapt down, looking annoyed.

“It’s none of your business what I do in my own office.”

“Calm down; you’re acting like I caught you wanking over a picture of your own mother.” Rodolphus settled into a chair and rested his feet on Severus’s desk. “What booze have you got?”

Severus eyed him angrily. “Why are you here?”

Rodolphus gave him a falsely bright smile. “Do I really need an excuse to visit my best friend?”

Severus sneered, “Firstly, I am not your best friend, and secondly, get your feet off my desk.”

Severus flicked his wand, and the desk lurched forward a few meters, dislodging Rodolphus’s feet, which very nearly sent him tumbling to the floor. Luckily, he caught himself just in time.

So cranky this evening.

“Fine.” Rodolphus sunk down into the chair, giving Severus a pout. “Bella is home, therefore I am not, and I can’t go to Malfoy Manor because Narcissa is upset with me again.”

Severus let out a huff, which might actually have been his version of a laugh. “So now I have to put up with you?”

“IT IS I, PHINEAS NIGELLUS BLACK, WITH YOUR DAILY UPDATE!”

Rodolphus clamped his hands over his ears as Phineas entered his Portrait with a voice so loud that the whole castle could probably hear it.

“Fucking hell, Severus! How many Sonorus Charms did you cast on that bloody Portrait?!” Rodolphus yelled.

“OH MY, I AM RATHER LOUD, AREN’T I?!” Phineas exclaimed.

“Stop talking whilst I fix this!” Severus demanded, looking rather alarmed.

“DID YOU CAST SOUND AMPLIFYING SPELLS ON MY PORTRAIT SO YOU COULD LISTEN IN?! I KNEW YOU LOVED THE TEENAGE DRAMA!” Phineas burst into ridiculously loud laughter, which reverberated around the walls, causing the other Portraits to leave their frames.

Well, that’s one way to get rid of the nosey old buggers…

After a few minutes of complicated-looking spellwork, Severus indicated that it was safe for Rodolphus to remove his hands from his ears.

Rodolphus grinned, “Someone has been naughty!”

“I don’t know what you mean; I was simply trying to check that Phineas was providing accurate information in his daily updates.”

Of course you were…

If Rodolphus was not mistaken, there was a slight flush gracing Severus’s face that confirmed he was rather embarrassed.

“I see, how very clever of you.” He gave him an exaggerated wink, clearly indicating he did not believe a word but was willing to play along.

Severus flexed his jaw in annoyance. “Well, Phineas, your update?”

“Surely you don’t need it!” Phineas declared, much to Rodolphus’s amusement.

“Just get on with it. The spells didn’t work,” Severus gritted out.

“Ah I see, well where should I start? It’s been a rather exciting time in the testosterone-filled tent…”

Rodolphus snorted; it had amused him greatly when Severus had told him that their saviours were camping, and Draco was with them. In a tent. Not a house-elf in sight… What he wouldn’t give for some of those memories.

… “It all started with the Muggle-born. She was watching the Malfoy boy whilst he slept, which is a bit creepy, but he was dribbling on his pillow which she, understandably, found rather amusing, so I will let her off.”

Rodolphus noted Severus listening very intently; clearly this was his main form of entertainment nowadays. Perhaps Rodolphus should find a nice witch to come and amuse Severus for an evening. He made a mental note.

“Then they made a startling discovery! The Sword of Gryffindor can get rid of the special artefacts they’re hunting! Hurrah! Only the very sexually frustrated Weasley boy…”

Phineas broke off to address Rodolphus directly, “He is sexually frustrated because he does not know about the 3am Club.” As if that was supposed to make some kind of sense.

“So the very sexually frustrated Weasley boy starts getting all huffy, saying it didn’t matter because they don’t have the Sword, and then, like a knight in shining armor–not Sir Cadogan, he is very annoying, like a non-annoying knight in shining armor–the Malfoy boy produces the Sword from his trunk and castrates the Weasley boy in front of everyone.”

“What?!” Severus’s eyes were wide.

“Metaphorically, of course,” Phineas added with a shrug.

Severus actually let out a laugh.

Rodolphus raised his eyebrows at him.

“Oh come on; I’m allowed to find this funny,” Severus said, looking annoyed.

Rodolphus raised his hands. “Whatever keeps you entertained! Who am I to judge?”

“Anyway, the Muggle-born and the Potter boy decide to give Malfoy his wand back as a reward, and the Weasley boy got angry and stormed off! A few hours went by, then the Malfoy boy made the Muggle-born so hot that she started stripping and gave him a lap dance!”

Well fuck, Draco is having the time of his life, whilst I have to sit by and pretend that I care when the Dark Lord silently brags about banging my wife.

“That isn’t the best bit.” Phineas seemed absolutely delighted at his very invested audience. “So they finally get to heroically slay the Locket, and, of course, they let Weasley do it because they think he needs the ego boost after metaphorically losing his balls. Only it turns out that the Locket plays on emotions, and so it only goes and plays out a scene of the Malfoy boy, the Potter boy, and the Muggle-born having a rather graphic threesome!”

Fucking hell…

Severus raised his eyebrows at this. “I expect Mr. Weasley was rather upset by that?”

“WELL!” Phineas was practically bouncing out of his frame. “The Weasley boy was all, ‘Compliment me for my brave heroics,’ and let’s just say the others all needed the 3am Club, if you get what I mean…”

Rodolphus was starting to assume it had something to do with wanking.

… “So off runs the Weasley boy in a sulk. The next morning, he gets up early to talk to the Muggle-born, and in the most ineloquent way ever, asks if the Muggle-born would like to ‘give it a go,’ and she says… no! Can you believe it?!”

“Yes, actually, it is very obvious Weasley would have driven her crazy.” Severus was clearly very invested.

“So then…”

Apparently they still weren’t finished; no wonder Severus was trying to cast the sound amplifier; this stuff was gold.

… “Weasley gets angry, says some nasty things, and accuses the Malfoy boy of seducing everyone. The Malfoy boy blamed his silk pyjamas for some reason. Then the Weasley boy destroyed the beds so that the Potter boy, the Muggle-born, and the Malfoy boy could have a threesome; I’m still not clear on the reasoning behind that, and then he punched the Malfoy boy in the face and left…”

Bloody brilliant; I’m definitely coming back tomorrow for the next daily update…

“He left?” Severus questioned, suddenly looking very serious.

“Yes, around 8am this morning.”

“Why didn’t you inform me of this straight away? I need to warn Minerva so the Order can find him. There are Snatchers everywhere!”

AH, yes. I guess that is quite bad.

“I will go and warn Narcissa and Lucius,” he told Severus. “Malfoy Manor is a drop-off point for the Snatchers.”

Rodolphus rose out of his chair and approached the fireplace as Severus sent out a Patronus to summon Minerva McGonagall.

“Severus…”

Severus looked at him sharply. “What?”

… “These things they’re hunting, do they all feel the same?”

“From what I have experienced, yes, they do, or at least similar. Why?”

“I mentioned that the Locket felt familiar; I think I’ve felt something like it before.”

Severus stepped in front of him with an urgent look on his face, “Where?!”

“My vault.”

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

Draco was lying in bed trying his best to get to sleep, but his brain seemed very insistent about fixating on all the little noises Granger was making. She kept shifting about, letting out little sniffles that Draco knew meant she was discreetly crying and hoping no one would notice. But he had noticed, and it was all he could bloody focus on. He eyed her foot, which had slipped out of the duvet again, an almost nightly occurrence, although he was happy to note that whilst it was still an attractive foot, it no longer had the power to make him hard.

Thank Salazar for the 3am Club… and the 1am and 2am Club which happened last night…

He didn’t like the idea of Granger being upset, especially because of Weasley, but he understood. Her world had been turned upside down multiple times lately, and she had always had Weasley and Potter by her side.

Her foot slipped further out of the duvet as she sniffled again.

Urgh, I can’t take this! I’m never going to be able to sleep.

Draco pondered what he could do; perhaps he could get her a hot drink? Although it would have to be a cup of hot water as they had run out of everything else. She probably wouldn’t appreciate a cup of hot water. He looked at her foot again; would it be weird to hold her ankle?

Yes, Draco, that would be fucking weird.

Salazar! What is wrong with me?!

She let out another sniffle.

Should I just grab her ankle and yank her into bed with me? Maybe she needs a cuddle.

No, that’s a bit full-on; she probably wouldn’t appreciate it.

She hiccupped and pulled the duvet around her head, trying to muffle the sound.

Fuck it.

He wrapped his hand around her ankle and began rubbing soothing circles with his thumb.

Weirdest thing I have ever done in my entire fucking life; I hope Rodolphus never finds out.

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

Is he holding my ankle?!

Why in Merlin’s name is he holding my ankle?!

What am I supposed to do?!

Should I say something?!

Should I move my foot away?!

No.

Bloody hell, why don’t I want to move my foot away?

Why is it oddly comforting?

Maybe he is asleep and has done it without realising …

She very slowly moved the duvet away from her face so she could peek at him, and their eyes connected.

Merlin…

“Go to sleep, Granger,” he whispered.

Draco Malfoy is the single most confusing man I have ever met.

She closed her eyes and focused on the soothing circles he was rubbing on her ankle. She didn’t think it would be possible to fall asleep with Malfoy attached to her, but she did, and she actually slept quite well.

The next morning neither she nor Malfoy brought up the weird ankle-holding situation that had occurred between them. It was probably for the best; she didn’t really know what to make of it or how it made her feel. They indulged in some toast that morning, which now meant they were out of bread. She desperately hoped that this cottage of Malfoy’s would have a good amount of food for them to bring back; they needed supplies badly.

Harry escorted them to the edge of the protection spells.

“One hour,” he repeated again.

“One hour,” Hermione parroted back to reassure him.

“If you get Hermione captured or killed, I will destroy you in the most painful way possible,” Harry warned Malfoy.

“And what will my reward be when I bring her back safe and unharmed?” he asked with a smirk.

“I will provide you with my favourite magazine for the 3am Club…”

Malfoy’s eyes widened. “What kind of magazine?”

“The Muggle kind; the wizard ones are fucking terrible.”

Malfoy looked very motivated by this suggestion. Hermione rolled her eyes. She understood what Harry meant; the girls in her dorm had gotten hold of one of the wizarding versions of a porn magazine, and the witches barely showed anything, maybe a flash of butt cheek if it was a particularly scandalous publication. She knew Dean Thomas had made a ridiculous amount of money selling Muggle porn magazines to the other Gryffindor boys.

“Anyway… Come on, Malfoy, let’s get going.”

She pushed him forward, out of the wards, and threw the Invisibility Cloak over them.

“Care to take my arm, Granger?”

She looked down at his offered arm, her eyes lingering on his hand. The very hand which had still been holding her ankle when she had woken up that morning. She swallowed as she took it, and he apparated them away.

They appeared outside some rather grand-looking wooden gates that thrummed with magic. Malfoy kept a hold on her arm. As he moved his hand out of the cloak to touch them, she felt the magic wash over her in a somewhat unpleasant way before it subsided, and the gates smoothly opened. They were met with a short gravel driveway lined on either side with beautiful rose bushes.

So far, so good.

“The garden has a Stasis Charm on it,” Malfoy informed her as they started walking. “It stays in bloom all year round.”

“It’s lovely,” she said a little nervously as she cast her eyes about. She was still half expecting a load of Death Eaters to jump out at them.

“You can relax, Granger; nothing is going to happen to you.”

He performed a few spells to see if anyone was around, but the place was empty.

“Easier said than done,” she muttered as they removed the Invisibility Cloak.

A beautiful two-story stone cottage with a thatched roof and trailing wisteria covering its front sat at the end of the driveway. Hermione’s mouth popped open at the sight; it was absolutely beautiful and reminded her of something out of a romance novel. She could hear a gentle trickle from a nearby fountain that was situated in a large pond full of very unusual pearlescent-looking fish. Hundreds of flowerpots were dotted about, filled with all kinds of beautiful flowers in full bloom. The grass looked lush and inviting, and the trees swayed gently in the breeze. Hermione slowly turned on the spot, trying to take it all in.

It doesn’t seem real.

I wish I could live here.

Malfoy watched her with an amused smile. “I gather you like it then?”

“This looks like my dream home,” she told him with a shy smile.

“You haven’t even seen inside yet.” He pushed open the green front door and gestured for her to enter.

She squealed and ran inside, straight into a large sitting room with a roaring fire, big plush sofas, and bookshelves lining the walls. She made to walk over to the books but quickly stopped herself; she would be here all day if she started down that route. Instead, she opened a door to their left, revealing a lovely wooden kitchen with a huge island and…

“Oh my god, you have an Aga!”

I’ve always wanted an Aga…

“I do? I’ve never actually been in here before,” Malfoy commented, looking around. “At least I know what to do with some of these things now.” He tapped a pan hanging over the kitchen island.

She laughed. “Yes, when all this is over, you can impress your mother with your newfound skill.”

“I can imagine it now: ‘Oh darling, why would you bother with cooking, there are house-elves for that,’ and if I try to give her beans on toast, I think she might actually Avada me herself.”

Hermione laughed. Malfoy wasn’t much of a cook, but he could successfully make most things that involved bread now: sandwiches, toast, beans on toast, scrambled egg on toast… It was quite the repertoire, as long as you liked bread.

She left the kitchen and ran to a door on the opposite side of the living room, which opened to reveal a dining room with a large, and very expensive-looking, mahogany table and chairs. The wall at the far end of the room was made up of large glass doors leading out into the gardens at the back of the property, and in the centre of another wall hung a very big Portrait of a rather grand-looking, older woman with sharp eyes, white-grey hair, and a suspicious expression.

“Hello, grandmother,” Malfoy said, coming to stand beside her.

Grandmother… Oh boy, this must be Druella.

Nerves instantly filled Hermione as she cautiously observed the Portrait; there was a strong chance she was about to be called a stain on the Noble House of Malfoy or Black or Rosier… maybe all three.

“My handsome grandson, it’s been a while,” she smiled fondly at him.

“I know; unfortunately, I got caught up in a war,” he casually leaned against a cabinet.

“Mmmm yes, Narcissa mentioned the Dark Lord is back… He just won’t stay dead, will he?”

Hermione’s eyes widened.

“We’re working on it,” Malfoy told his grandmother.

“Who is this?” she asked, peering at Hermione.

“This is Hermione Granger; she is…” He looked at Hermione nervously, clearly unsure how to explain what they were.

An amused smile spread across his grandmother’s face.

… “a former enemy, although we’re moving past that.”

“He used to bully me at school,” Hermione told Druella.

“Whatever for?” she asked, looking taken aback.

Oh lord, here we go…

“Urm, well he doesn’t like my friends very much, and… I’m Muggle-born.”

Brace, Hermione! Brace for impact!

“Draco!” Druella snapped.

Hermione’s eyes widened at the chastising look Druella was giving Malfoy. She had been sure the Portrait would dismiss her immediately upon hearing that she was Muggle-born.

“Tell me, Miss Granger, has Draco apologised to you for his ungentlemanly behaviour?”

“Urm, no…” Hermione answered, whilst noting that Malfoy appeared to be looking rather intently at the floor.

“Draco! Apologise this instant!”

Well this little meeting was going far better than she had initially anticipated.

Malfoy stared at her and then his grandmother. “Now is not the time, Grandmother, we are in a rush!”

“Draco Lucius Malfoy, you apologise right now! Your mother did not raise you to be a bully; I can only imagine you got that from your insufferable father.”

Malfoy looked like he wanted to start throwing hexes, but he huffed and mumbled, “Sorry for bullying you.”

Hermione beamed at him in utter delight at his humiliation. “Thanks, I will make sure I bottle this memory and show it to Harry.”

“Well, I think it’s only fair that you apologise to me too; you did punch me in the face!” he said loudly with a smug, taunting grin.

She supposed it was an attempt to shock his grandmother into taking his side, but Druella merely laughed.

“I like a girl who can stand up for herself,” she chortled at Malfoy’s incredulous look.

Malfoy huffed, “Come on, Granger; we better be getting on. We don’t have much time.” He closed the door to the dining room rather more forcefully than was necessary.

“I like her,” Hermione told him with a smile.

“You wouldn’t like her younger Portraits; she hasn’t always been this accepting of Muggle-borns.”

“Why did she change?”

“First Wizarding War. She lost a lot of people and not just to death. Bella is her daughter; Grandmother never forgave the Dark Lord for what he turned her into.”

“Oh…”

“It’s why she created this safe house.”

They made their way up an immaculately polished wooden staircase to the second level. There she discovered three lavishly decorated bedrooms, all with extravagant four-poster beds and adjoining bathrooms. Right at the end of the hallway was a small potions lab, stocked full of all kinds of ingredients and pre-made potions ready for use. Malfoy immediately got to work finding the ingredients they would need to make the numbing cream. Hermione moved around the room, stopping to look at the designer cauldrons in bemusement. She had never understood why people bought them, a cauldron was a cauldron at the end of the day.

“My grandmother was an exceptional Potioneer,” Malfoy explained. “We used to have that in common; we would spend hours talking about different potions when I was younger. She even bought me my first cauldron.”

Hermione smiled. “It’s nice to hear that some pureblood women aspire for more than just getting married, popping out Heirs, and looking pretty. That seemed to be the main goal of the pureblood girls at Hogwarts.”

“Not for you, Granger?” he asked.

“I can’t imagine anything worse,” she mumbled.

“That’s because you are exceptionally remarkable, extremely intelligent, and do indeed put a lot of pureblood women to shame.”

She stared at him as her heart punched violently against her rib cage.

Did I just hear that correctly?

He smirked, “Not used to being complimented?”

“No, if anything I am usually made fun of for my intelligence.”

He nodded. “Well, when you vanquish the Dark Lord, I hope people show you a bit more respect.”

“Harry will be the one to vanquish You-Know-Who.”

“He wouldn’t have even survived first year without you, Granger; give yourself some credit.”

“It’s very unnerving when you are nice to me.”

He smirked, “I can be nasty if you want?”

A burning pulse of desire sprung to life between her legs. “Stop messing around, and get the rest of the ingredients.”

Needing to focus on something else, because this conversation had taken a turn that she wasn’t entirely sure she was equipped to handle, she started packing the potion ingredients into her beaded bag. Malfoy didn’t say anything else to her, and she didn’t try to initiate any further conversation. But she had to endure her brain playing his words on a loop, like there was a parrot in her skull yelling them over and over again.

“We should pack up some food and then head back,” he said when they were done.

She nodded, and they headed back downstairs.

Should I have complimented him?

It’s probably a bit late to do that now…

Just as Hermione and Malfoy reached the bottom step, the front door of the cottage flew open, and a figure in a billowing black cloak entered with their wand pointed directly at them.

Chapter Text

Hermione Granger

Shock and adrenaline shot through Hermione at the sight of the cloaked figure; she shoved Malfoy behind her and cast a shield in front of them. Malfoy let out a surprised yelp as he stumbled and grabbed onto her shoulder for support.

“Who are you? What do you want?” she demanded. Thankfully her voice sounded strong and confident. It was a big contrast to how she felt inside; Hermione had to grip her wand tightly to stop it from shaking.

“It’s ok, Granger…” she heard Malfoy say hesitantly… “There’s only one person that can be.”

He stepped around her. “Mother?”

The figure reached up and slowly, as though they were in pain, pulled the hood back to reveal their face. Hermione would have recognised Narcissa Malfoy anywhere; her sleek dark hair with the slash of white on either side was pulled back into an elegant bun. Under the cloak, she wore smart black dress robes with an emerald trim, and the look she was giving her son was filled with so much love and relief that a lump formed in Hermione’s throat.

Malfoy made to move towards her, but Hermione grabbed hold of his arm, holding him back.

“You need to check that it’s really her. Ask her something that only she would know.”

He scoffed, “It’s her, Granger.”

“No, she is right, my love,” Narcissa said. “You should always be careful. Let’s see…” she thought for a moment… “When you were five, after your baths, you used to tuck your willie between your legs and walk around declaring yourself to be Wendy the Wicked Witch of Wendelsfield.”

Oh my god…

Hermione fought hard to fend off the laugh. So hard that an involuntary snort escaped her, which only made it funnier.

“Is that true?!” she demanded.

Malfoy looked unimpressed as he glared at his mother. “Out of all the memories you could have used, you decided that was the one to share.”

Narcissa chuckled, “It’s my favourite.”

I can’t wait to tell Harry.

“It’s my favourite now too,” Hermione said as Malfoy huffed and walked swiftly towards his mother, pulling her into a hug.

Hermione felt a pang of longing. She didn’t know when she would be able to see her mum again, or if her parents would even forgive her for obliviating them. Malfoy held on to her tightly, taking a minute to enjoy the moment, and Hermione really didn’t want to interrupt, but she needed to make sure they were safe.

“Sorry to interrupt,” she said hesitantly. “But is it safe for you to be here?”

Malfoy pulled back slightly as Narcissa turned to look at her. “Yes, Draco and I are still the only ones who know the location of this cottage; Lucius doesn’t even know the address. I felt you both enter through the blood wards and had to check that everything was ok…” She looked at Malfoy in question, her arms still resting around him.

“We are fine, Mother; we just needed food and potion supplies. I thought this would be the best option.”

“Of course, please take whatever you need; I can restock immediately.” She brushed her hand down Malfoy’s face in such a caring way that Hermione had to look away in case she started crying. “Darling, can you give Miss Granger and I a moment alone?”

Nerves immediately filled Hermione’s stomach at the words.

Why would she want to talk to me in private?

She probably wants to threaten me.

Oh God, she is going to warn me to keep my hands off her son.

Malfoy looked awkwardly between them. “Sure, I will go into the kitchen and start sorting out some food.”

Once Malfoy had left and the door to the kitchen had closed, Narcissa smiled at her and gestured for her to sit down on the sofa.

She seemed pleasant enough, warm even, which was not the feeling Hermione thought she would receive from Narcissa Malfoy. She had never actually spoken to Narcissa; the only times she had seen her were the odd time in Diagon Alley. But she was married to Lucius Malfoy, who had done a number of cruel things to her and her friends over the years, so she kept a wary distance, sitting at the very end of the sofa as far away from her as possible.

“You pushed Draco behind you just now,” Narcissa noted, watching Hermione closely. “You were protecting him.” It wasn’t a question, more of a statement, but Narcissa paused, clearly waiting for some kind of response.

“Oh, well, I didn’t know who you were, and I just reacted.”

“Thank you.” Narcissa gave her a genuine yet exhausted-looking smile. “I was worried when he joined you that the history between you all would prove problematic. Am I to assume he won you over with his charm?”

Charm?!

Hermione laughed before she could stop herself. “Sorry, maybe not charm, but he has been surprisingly helpful, and I suppose he is quite entertaining.”

He also makes me giddy, but you don’t need to know that.

“He has been through a lot; too much for someone his age, as I’m sure you have too. I know he wasn’t very kind to you, and I can only thank you for what you are doing for him now.”

He held my ankle.

She blinked. Why couldn’t she get the bloody ankle thing out of her head?!

As she was trying to think of a response, Narcissa jerked and took a sharp breath in.

Hermione looked at her in alarm. “Are you ok, Mrs. Malfoy?”

“Yes, sorry…”

Narcissa jerked again.

“MALFOY!” Hermione called loudly whilst moving closer to Narcissa to try and work out what was wrong.

Malfoy came running out of the kitchen looking panicked.

“What did she say? Whatever it is, it’s probably true, but I can explain…”

He took one look at his mother and ran over, kneeling on the floor in front of her with a look of pure anguish on his face. “Mother! What’s wrong?”

“It’s ok; it will pass; I just need to lay down,” Narcissa tried to reassure them as Hermione immediately moved from the sofa to allow her room to stretch out.

“He has been using the Cruciatus Curse on you, hasn’t he?” Malfoy demanded.

“Yes, but I’m ok. Severus is making sure I am well stocked with potions.”

The reassurance didn’t seem to do much for Malfoy, who angrily swiped a tear away from his cheek.

Narcissa reached out a hand to her son, and Hermione noticed a tremor pass through it. The shock hit her like a Bludger to the face; she had witnessed Malfoy experience the same tremors.

“Stay here,” Malfoy told Narcissa. “Don’t go back.”

“My darling, I can’t abandon your father. I promise that if things get really bad, I will come here, but for now it’s manageable.”

“I can’t stand the thought of you being tortured.” Malfoy sounded broken. “How will I know if something happens to you?! Or if you need my help?”

Hermione watched the exchange silently. As she processed her shock, a tear unwittingly escaped and ran down her cheek. This is why she had obliviated her own parents; she had done it to protect them from being tortured and killed. How could Malfoy live with the knowledge that his own mother was being regularly tortured and there was nothing he could do about it? She knew that Lucius, even if he had changed sides now, had made the decision to follow You-Know-Who. Narcissa, however, didn’t bear the Dark Mark and was being forced to make horrendous decisions to protect those she loved.

“Do you have any Galleons?” she asked them.

They both looked at her with bemused expressions before Malfoy cleared his throat and told her, “Not really the time, Granger; I can give you some money later.”

She rolled her eyes. “Last year, I used a charm to create Communication Galleons; it was how the members of the D.A. got messages to each other without being detected by Umbridge. I can create one for each of you so that you can communicate. As long as you are careful, Mrs. Malfoy, then no one will know. They are discreet; if anyone discovers them, they will just look like a normal Galleon.”

“You would do that for us?” Narcissa asked, her eyes wide with shock.

“Yes, although it will take me about twenty minutes per Galleon. I will have to send a Patronus to Harry so he doesn’t worry.”

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

Draco sat in silence, watching as Granger worked on the Communication Galleons in the kitchen. He hadn’t managed to say much since he’d discovered the Dark Lord was using his mother for torture practice. He hated that it hadn’t even crossed his mind that this might happen once he left. If he had known, he would never have gone. He had been stupid and naïve; the Dark Lord always had someone to play with; he should have known.

Granger reached up to tuck some escaped strands of curly brown hair behind her ear as she worked. She just loved to mess with his head. The last thing he had expected her to do was offer him a way to communicate with his mother. His mother who she had no reason to like or respect.

“I’m really hungry, could you make me a bit of toast?” she asked him with a sheepish smile.

“Oh, we don’t have a house-elf here!” his mother said, looking around anxiously. She was about to get the surprise of her life because her son could make toast.

Thank Salazar she is sitting down.

“There isn’t a house-elf in the tent either; Granger has taught me how to do many things in the kitchen,” Draco winked at his mother.

“Has she now?” His mother looked coyly at Granger.

Granger coughed and spluttered, “Food related things!”

“Food was involved,” he confirmed to his mother, who chuckled. They both had the same sense of humour; he attributed all of his sarcasm and wit to her.

Granger looked at him angrily. “Will you just go and make me some toast, you insufferable prat?” Draco dutifully went and made her some toast, whilst his mother looked positively delighted by the whole exchange.

“I can’t help but think that living in a tent is awfully droll…” his mother began… “Why don’t you stay here instead?”

Draco had been wondering if he could suggest this, but had held back. He was happy enough that they had agreed to come for supplies; he hadn’t wanted to push his luck.

Please say yes; I really want a bath.

“Oh, well we need to stay in the tent for a little while longer. Our friend, err, went out for a while, and he needs to be able to find us if he comes back.”

Draco’s mind flashed back to Granger sniffling in her bunk. For her sake, he hoped Weasley would come back. If he did, Draco would try really hard to not annoy him. Unfortunately though, Draco couldn’t see him returning anytime soon.

“I know about Mr. Weasley leaving,” his mother said quietly with a sympathetic smile. “Severus told me. We will keep an eye out in case he is picked up by Snatchers.”

Granger frowned. “How does Snape know?”

“Phineas has been providing regular updates.” His mother said this like it was common knowledge. It was, in fact, brand new information to both him and Granger.

“Has he been spying on us?!” Granger blurted.

Mother looked amused. “Rodolphus mentioned something about a lap dance, but I promise I won’t ask any questions.”

Draco choked on the water he was drinking. “What?!”

Please tell me I misheard …

“You are both adults, what you choose to do in the tent on those lonely nights is up to you.” She looked far too amused.

“That did not happen!” Granger exclaimed, looking mortified.

“Yes it did,” he automatically responded, and then cringed, realising that it was his own mother who he was saying that too. “I mean, it didn’t… Granger was just very rudely trying to confiscate my wand again and may have ended up on my lap whilst doing it.”

“Bloody hell,” Granger groaned.

Mother chose to take pity on them. “Well, anyway, as I said, this cottage is secure, and you are more than welcome to use it.”

“Thank you,” Granger said, quietly getting back to work on the Galleons.

His mother discreetly shot him a wink from across the table; he rolled his eyes at her.

Later that evening, when they were back in the tent and Potter was on watch, Granger sat next to him on the sofa and cast a Silencing Charm around them.

He sent her a questioning look.

“You’ve been tortured with the Cruciatus Curse, haven’t you?” she asked.

He sighed, looking away. It wasn’t something he really wanted to talk about, and she already knew the answer.

“Yes.”

She tentatively picked up his hand, turning it over gently to examine it.

He allowed it whilst noting how soft her hands were.

A perfectly normal thing to notice about a person…

“I noticed your tremors when you first joined us, then I recognised the same tremors in your mother.”

“When the Cruciatus Curse is performed regularly on a person, it can leave… lasting damage.” He watched their hands, almost transfixed.

“How often did he torture you?”

Draco let out a shaky breath. “There was never a pattern; he likes to do it when you least expect it; it’s entertaining to him. Although, it started happening so often that I came to expect it all the time when I was in his presence.”

… “and now your mother…”

Draco swallowed. “Yes, and now she is his new plaything.” He tightened his fingers around hers and looked her in the eyes. “Granger, I need him gone. Please believe that I will do anything to help you achieve that.”

She nodded. “I believe you. I believed you long before now.” She gave him a small smile. “I should take a cup of tea to Harry.” She went to move off the sofa, but he kept a hold of her hand.

She paused, looking at him.

“Thank you,” he said sincerely, “for the Galleons.”

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

A few days had passed since the meeting with his mother and, unfortunately, they were still in the tent. Draco didn’t complain, but he really wanted the comforts that the cottage had to offer. Granger and Potter had decided to remain in place for one more week, just in case Weasley came back; but after that, they had agreed that the cottage would be a sensible location to relocate to. Draco just needed to be patient.

He pressed his wand to the Galleon and sent his mother her daily message asking if she was ok. The Galleon warmed a moment later with her reply, confirming that she was. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Granger watching from the other end of the sofa.

“Do you want to see what it says to make sure I’m not giving away your valuable secrets?” he asked her.

She flushed. “I wasn’t checking up on you! It’s just nice seeing you happy… Anyway, the Unbreakable Vow will prevent you from saying anything you shouldn’t.”

“Those were not the secrets I was referring to,” he smirked.

He saw her fidget slightly on the sofa; she always got flustered when he started playing with her. “What secrets were you referring to?” she asked cautiously.

“Oh, I don’t know, how about that you sing weird songs which lyrics mainly consist of ‘mmmbop,’ whatever the fuck that means, or how you chew your hair when you read, or how you use your wand to itch certain areas of your body, or how you have sexy feet…”

“Bloody hell.” Potter, who had chosen that precise moment to walk back into the tent, promptly turned around and walked straight back out again.

“Sexy feet?!” Granger exclaimed, looking mortified.

“I said what I said.” He leaned back on the sofa, stretching his arms over his head.

“Well, I really hope you’re not telling your mother that I have sexy feet, although I think that reflects worse on you than it does on me.”

She closed her book and rested it on her lap. She was reading The Tales of Beedle the Bard again.

“What is it with you and that book?! You do realise it’s a children’s book, Granger? If you want something more adult to read, I can lend you the rather daring magazine that Potter gave me…”

She rolled her eyes. “If you must know, Dumbledore left this book to me in his will. It’s his personal copy, and considering he doesn’t normally do things without a good reason, I have been trying to work out why…”

“Can I take a look?” he asked. His curiosity had definitely been piqued.

“Sure, knock yourself out.” She chucked the book into his lap. “I better go and find Harry; I expect he is trying to remove the memory of you saying I have sexy feet from his mind.”

“Tell Potter that he has sexy forearms. I don’t want him getting jealous and doing a Weasley,” Draco told her, trying to hide his amusement at her grimace.

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

“Malfoy says you have sexy forearms,” she told Harry as she joined him, leaning against a tree. It was cold out today, so she cast a Warming Charm around herself.

Harry huffed a laugh. “Well tell Malfoy he has sexy hair.”

“God no, he already has a big enough ego when it comes to his hair.”

They sat together in comfortable silence, looking out into the trees and listening to the birds chirp happily. It was quite a while before Harry plucked up the courage to say quietly, “I don’t think he is coming back, Hermione.”

I don’t think so either.

Guilt overwhelmed her. “I feel awful, Harry. I keep wondering if there is something I could have said or done differently. I did try to reassure him, but… Well, you know how stubborn he is.”

Harry wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “When Ron has an idea in his head, it’s very hard to get him to change his mind. I get him being paranoid about Malfoy, to be honest even I can see that you two have some weird kind of connection, but me? He has known us for years; he should know that we don’t see each other like that…” He trailed off, looking at her nervously… “We don’t. Right?”

She chuckled. “Correct.”

He looked relieved.

“Malfoy is really messing with my head…” She continued… “I don’t know how to feel about him. The things he says, I can’t tell if he is being serious or if this is all a big joke. I’m more inclined to think it’s a big joke to him, mainly because of our history, I suppose.”

“Do you like him?” Harry asked her.

No.

Yes.

Maybe.

“That’s a complicated question.”

“I like him,” Harry said confidently.

Hermione raised her eyebrows, and he quickly added, “As a friend!”

“Imagine if we had been friends from the beginning, from the start of school…” Hermione said, thinking back to when they had first arrived at Hogwarts.

“Absolutely not. The memory of him being turned into a ferret is one of my favourites; don’t take that away from me!”

Hermione laughed.

“Do you miss Ginny?” she asked him.

“Yeah, rather a lot actually. Whenever I think of her, it motivates me to finish this.”

Hermione leaned her head against his shoulder.

“GRANGER! DID YOU TELL POTTER HE HAS SEXY FOREARMS?” Malfoy yelled from the tent.

For the love of…

“YES, HE SAID YOU HAVE…” She looked around for inspiration as Harry watched her in amusement… “SEXY PYJAMAS.”

They heard a snort.

“TELL HIM I WILL BUY HIM SOME.”

Harry grinned. “I’m actually quite happy about that; have you felt how soft they are?!”

“You’ve felt his pyjamas?”

“Maybe…” He winked at her, and she giggled.

“I’m going to need you to explain.”

“I picked them up when we were fixing the beds; honestly, they feel like what I imagine a cloud feels like.”

She snorted. “Bloody hell, now I want to feel them.”

“MALFOY, CAN HERMIONE FEEL YOUR PYJAMAS?!”

“Harry!” she hissed, smacking him on the arm.

“ONLY WHEN I’M WEARING THEM,” came the reply from inside the tent.

“Bloody hell,” she groaned, feeling her cheeks heat.

Harry pulled her against him, chuckling. “Look, we will fix things with Ron when the time is right. It’s always been the three of us, and it still will be; he just needs some time to get his head around a few things.”

“I hope he is ok.”

“Phineas checked with Snape. He said there has been no word, but he also said that McGonagall might not tell him even if there had been.”

“Is there any more news on the potential Horcrux discovery?”

They had been delighted to hear that another one may have been found. They really needed to know what it was in order to work out what the last Horcrux might be. Dumbledore was sure that You-Know-Who had turned possessions from Rowena Ravenclaw and Helga Hufflepuff into Horcruxes. They knew that one was probably the cup of Helga Hufflepuff, following a memory Dumbledore had secured from her house-elf, but what the Ravenclaw item was, they didn’t know.

“No, apparently they are working on retrieving it.”

“I hope they get it soon.”

Chapter Text

Rodolphus Lestrange

Rodolphus was pretending that he couldn’t see his wife glaring at him from across the table as he ate his breakfast. Bella was very upset with him for having the audacity to come home yesterday evening when she was entertaining the Dark Lord. Truth be told, it had been the last thing he’d wanted to do, but he needed to retrieve his Gringotts vault key, and he needed Bella to know. If he visited the vault without her knowledge, she would be suspicious when the goblins sent the monthly report.

“I visited the Ministry a few days ago,” she said whilst aggressively assaulting a bowl of porridge with her spoon. “I dropped in on the court proceedings; it’s so fun to watch the Mudblood filth cry when they get found guilty.”

We have very different ideas of what constitutes as fun …

Well that’s obvious, Rodolphus, her favourite pastime is fucking the Dark Lord.

“I am well aware,” he said, sounding bored.

“The Umbridge woman was asking after you.”

Rodolphus cringed; he thought he had managed to shake off The Pink Demon. It had been at least two weeks since her last owl.

“She has a bit of a soft spot for me from what I hear.”

Bella’s manic eyes met his across the table, and his balls made a hasty retreat. This was greatly frustrating; they had only just graced him with their presence again after The Pink Demon decided to have a grope.

“I questioned a few people, and by questioned, I mean tortured…”

This fucking woman just can’t bloody help herself.

… “Turns out some Ministry employees spotted you buying her coffee a few months ago; they said you looked very cosy.”

“Why do you care?” he asked.

“I don’t, although I find it odd you would choose her. Most people can’t stand the sickly wench.”

Myself included.

Rodolphus watched his wife carefully; something about this annoyed her, and he didn’t think it was the fact that he had bought another woman coffee. No, it was his choice in companion. It seemed that Dolores Umbridge was so despised that even his wife was upset with the idea. Wonderful, he had to take the small wins where he could, and he would definitely be enjoying this unexpected victory.

Hypocritical for her to be upset about The Pink Demon, when she is shagging the Dark Lord…

If I had to choose, who would I pick to shag out of the Dark Lord and The Pink Demon?

Probably not the time to be debating that fucking nightmare.

“My darling wife, are you jealous?”

She let out a loud shriek of laughter. “Jealous?! No, Rodolphus. I just find it odd that you would choose her. It has been clear to me for years that you do not desire females in that way.”

I have never confirmed nor denied my preferences, and I don’t feel like doing so now.

Time to have some fun…

Rodolphus smiled. “I have no preferences, darling; it keeps life interesting. I can understand why you thought that, but just because I do not desire you does not mean that I do not desire others.”

She gave him a deadly look across the table, and her hand twitched towards her wand. He knew she wouldn’t do anything, though.

“Well, this has been a truly lovely breakfast, but I must be going. I need to get some money from the vault and buy some new robes. Perhaps a nice pink set; I’m sure Dolores would approve.”

“YOU ARE A STAIN ON THIS HOUSE!” she yelled angrily.

“Speaking of stains, make sure the house-elves refresh your bedsheets, Bella.”

Rodolphus breathed a sigh of relief when he had finally left Lestrange Manor; it had not been a home to him for a long time. He had rattled about the place until the Malfoys had taken pity on him and allowed him to stay at their Manor. Ok, he may be exaggerating. One day he just didn’t leave, and because he had attempted to protect their son on a number of occasions, they allowed him to stay in one of the small bedrooms. The small bedrooms were still rather big, a lot bigger than an Azkaban prison cell at any rate.

He apparated to Diagon Alley. It was still early, so the streets were fairly quiet, which he preferred; there wouldn’t be so many cautious looks thrown in his direction as he strolled around. At least people had stopped yelling insults at him. That was the one good thing to come from the Ministry being overthrown. Now the residents of Diagon Alley tried their best to avoid attention, lest they be kidnapped and tortured. He walked past lots of abandoned and ransacked shops; he had even helped with the destruction of the wandmaker’s shop. Ollivander was currently being held in the dungeon at Malfoy Manor, or the ‘Cellar’ as Narcissa liked to refer to it. They were doing their best to keep the old man comfortable; he was still alive at least, which was more than could be said for most of the Dark Lord’s prisoners.

He strode into the bank. Most of the goblins didn’t bother looking up at their new visitor, just continued scribbling away at their desks. The ones who did notice him observed him from a distance with wary respect. Goblins were funny creatures; they didn’t care about anything other than gold. They would open a vault for just about anyone as long as you had money and riches to hide away.

“Mr. Lestrange,” greeted a rather young-looking goblin with tufts of dark black hair. “Do you wish to visit your vault?”

“I do.” He presented his key for inspection.

“Very well, follow me.”

If I had to choose, who would I pick to shag out of the Dark Lord, The Pink Demon, or a goblin?

Probably the goblin…

The cart pulled to an abrupt stop outside his vault, very nearly sending him tumbling into the sinister looking depths below. The goblin wasted no time unlocking the vault door, not using the key; those were just decorative.

“Wait in the cart,” he instructed.

The Lestrange family vault looked much the same as it always did: filled with stacks of Galleons, lots of family heirlooms, jewellery that neither he nor Bella would be caught dead in, Bella’s stuffed Niffler, Anthony, who had once been her favourite companion, and many other dark and powerful objects that you really shouldn’t touch for fear of evisceration.

Rodolphus stood just inside the door, letting the familiar feeling of the Dark magic needle at his skin. It was unmistakable; it felt just like the Locket had. He set about casting the counter-curses to avoid drowning in his own wealth (not the worst way to go), and when that was done, he began searching. He tried not to disturb much; he didn’t want it to look like he had ransacked the vault in an attempt to find something. Bella was dancing on the line of insanity, but she was still the Dark Lord’s second-in-command for a reason.

A sudden spike of cold shot through the back of his hand, making him wince. He immediately yanked his hand away to see what had caused it. A rather ornate looking gold cup, complete with badger engraving, shone up at him from a bed of Galleons. He hesitantly picked it up; almost instantaneously a coldness swept through him, and he felt the Dark magic pulse against his skin.

Well, I think I just found what I was looking for.

Apt that it would be a goblet, given how much I like drinking.

Rodolphus wondered what would happen if he actually drank from this cup; he assumed nothing good as he tucked it into his robes, grabbed a few Galleons, and left.

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

Thank fucking Salazar!

He practically leapt onto the four-poster bed in his newly assigned bedroom at the cottage. Would he miss sleeping so close to Granger? Maybe… but having a proper bed and a proper bathroom, with actual walls, was such a luxury right now. After the agreed week had passed by and Weasley hadn’t shown up, Granger and Potter had finally agreed to move to the cottage. It was a relief for many reasons: it was a lot more secure than the tent, it was a lot more comfortable than the tent, and he could wank whenever the fuck he wanted.

His mother had taken it upon herself to move all his clothes from the Manor to the cottage, so he had a good selection to choose from again. He would give Potter a pair of silk pyjamas later; maybe he would give Granger a pair too. The thought of her wearing his clothes was rather appealing.

I wonder if I can get her in my Slytherin Quidditch jersey…

With that glorious thought drifting about his mind, he took a very luxurious bath, adding all of the lotions and potions to the water that he could find (and a few flowers, no judging). When he was done, he pulled on some clean clothes and went in search of the others. The delicious smell wafting up the stairs from the kitchen gave him a rather clear idea of where they were.

“Granger, if you ever want to give up your career aspirations, you would make a great house-elf,” he told her, trying to peer into the Aga to see what was on the menu for this evening.

“It’s lasagne,” she told him with a faint smile.

Both Granger and Potter had been rather down since they had left the campsite; there was zero chance of Weasley finding them now; he couldn’t even send a Patronus as he wouldn’t know where to send it.

Perhaps some wine will cheer them up…

Draco went over to the wine rack and selected a rather fancy looking bottle of white.

“IF THAT'S MY 1978 BOTTLE OF GIACOMO CONTERNO MONFORTINO, THEN PUT IT BACK RIGHT NOW!” came the voice of his grandmother from the dining room.

“Oh, for Salazar’s sake, who left the dining room door open?” he asked in annoyance.

“Hey, I like Druella!” Potter declared. “Normally pureblood Portraits yell obscenities at me; Druella is actually rather pleasant!”

“Oh, I see you’re on first name terms with her, are you, Potter? Don’t you go 3am-clubbing in the dining room please.”

Potter made a pretend gagging sound as Draco smirked

“IT’S OK, GRANDMOTHER, IT’S JUST A PINOT GRIGIO.”

“YOU WON’T IMPRESS HERMIONE WITH THAT RUBBISH,” she called back.

Both Potter and Granger snorted at that. He didn’t mind the mild humiliation considering they were laughing again.

“SHE IS ALREADY VERY IMPRESSED WITH ME, GRANDMOTHER; I NEED SOMETHING TO KEEP HER HORMONES IN CHECK; OTHERWISE, SHE MIGHT TRY AND USE MY WAND AS AN EXCUSE TO GIVE ME A LAP DANCE AGAIN.”

He added quietly so only Granger could hear, “Not that I would say no, Granger.”

She blushed bright red as Potter laughed and elbowed her.

“I GAVE A MAN A LAP DANCE ONCE…”

Draco immediately walked across to the dining room door and slammed it shut. “Absolutely not. I do not want to hear any more about that.”

“Can we do an exchange?” Potter laughed. “I will take Druella, and you can have Walburga?”

Tempting…

The lasagne was amazing, so cheesy and indulgent, plus Granger had made this stuff to go with it called garlic bread, which sounded disgusting, but was actually the most delicious thing he had ever eaten. He made a note to tell the house-elves if he ever returned to the Manor.

Once dinner had concluded, they gathered on the chairs in the living room, enjoying the warmth provided by the fire. Potter and Granger occupied an armchair each, the latter reading one of the books she had found on the many bookshelves.

Granger’s priorities when they arrived had been clear. Whilst himself and Potter had spent most of the day unpacking, bathing, and relaxing; Granger had prioritised examining all the books.

Draco settled himself on the sofa with The Tales of Beedle the Bard. So far he hadn’t noticed anything strange or peculiar about this copy.

Granger excused herself to go to the toilet at one point, and Draco took the opportunity to question Potter whilst she was gone. “Is she ok?” he asked, nodding in the direction Granger had just disappeared.

“It sounds like you care about her,” Potter noted with an expectant smile.

“So what if I do?” he shrugged.

“Who would have thought that Draco Malfoy would actually admit to liking Harry Potter and Hermione Granger.” Potter was looking very smug now.

Only I’m allowed to act smug; it’s my thing.

“I said I liked Granger, not you,” he retorted as Potter pouted.

“Hermione will be fine; she always is.”

Draco nodded and went back to his book as Granger walked down the stairs.

Instead of going back to her armchair, Granger decided to approach him, which he might have been rather thrilled about; not that he would admit it.

“Anything?” she asked, inclining her head towards the book.

Draco sat up, folding his legs underneath him so that she could sit down if she wanted. Only if she wanted; he didn’t care either way. She sat. Draco felt rather excited about that.

“No,” he leaned towards her so the book was between them, “Everything looks normal to me.” He started fanning through the pages without much care to show her how normal everything was.

“Hey, be careful with it!” She slammed her hand down on a random page to stop him.

He smirked as he slammed the book closed onto her hand. She was about to tell him off; he was fully prepared to be turned on, but she faltered and frowned down at her trapped hand.

“What?” he asked her. “Did I hurt you?” He hadn’t closed the book that hard.

“No…” She opened the book to the place her hand was trapped and looked carefully at one of the pages. She slowly ran her finger over the paper, holding it up towards her face to get a good look. Draco didn’t know why, but it was oddly erotic.

Fuck, now is not an appropriate time to get an erection…

“Do you know what this is?” she asked, pointing to a tiny symbol.“It’s been written in. It’s so small I didn’t even notice, but if you run your finger over it, you can clearly feel the indent.”

Potter came to join them on the sofa, looking curiously at the book too. At least his presence helped with the slight bulge forming in Draco’s trousers.

Draco picked up the book to look closely at the mark. “It’s the symbol that represents the Deathly Hallows,” he told them.

“What are the Deathly Hallows?” Potter asked whilst shooting a questioning look towards Granger, who looked equally perplexed.

Now is your time to shine, Draco.

“The Deathly Hallows are made up of the three items that Death gifts the Brothers in The Tale of the Three Brothers: the Cloak of Invisibility, the Elder Wand, and the Resurrection Stone.”

“Why would Dumbledore inscribe the symbol in his copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard?” Granger asked curiously.

“Can someone enlighten me? I have no idea what The Tale of the Three Brothers is,” Potter said, looking between them.

Draco sat back as Granger read Potter the story. She was a very good storyteller, and if his mind hadn’t been elsewhere, he would probably have been quite enthralled.

Draco’s mind began forming a theory; a rather unbelievable theory, but a theory all the same. The Tale of The Three Brothers and the Deathly Hallows were widely known to be a myth; however, Draco knew that all the greatest myths and stories generally came from a place of truth. Dumbledore was annoying, but he normally had a reason for his madness. It wasn’t a coincidence that he had drawn that symbol in the book. Dumbledore knew what Granger was like; he knew she would scour the book relentlessly and eventually would have discovered it.

Draco stood and walked over to the bookcases, hoping that the book he wanted was somewhere amongst the collection. After his second round of searching, he gave up. Granger had finished the story, and Potter was looking as baffled as ever.

“What were you looking for?” Granger asked him curiously.

“A book called Ancient Myths and Artefacts by Gilbert Roux; it has pictures of what the Deathly Hallows supposedly look like. It’s likely to be more accurate than what is depicted in a children’s book. I can’t find it though; I will have to see if Mother can locate it in the Manor library.”

“Why do you want it?” Potter asked.

“I have a theory,” he told them. “Although, it’s a rather unbelievable one,” he sighed, running his hand through his hair. “Has anyone ever told you much about your Invisibility Cloak, Potter?”

“Ron said that Invisibility Cloaks are rare, but that’s about it.”

Bloody Weasley…

“Indeed. Ever wonder why more people don’t have them?”

Potter just looked confused.

“To get a cloak that keeps its invisible properties longer than one week is near on impossible. In fact, I have never heard of a cloak like that existing until these past few months, when I found out about yours. Shops don’t bother selling them because they cost a lot of money to produce, and without longevity, people don’t bother buying them.”

“Wait, are you saying that you think Harry’s cloak is the cloak from the Tale of the Three Brothers? One of the Deathly Hallows?” Granger asked in shock.

“Maybe…”

Potter cast an Accio and a snitch flew down the stairs to land in his open hand. “Dumbledore left me this in his will.”

Draco frowned as Potter kissed it.

Slightly weird, I knew he liked Quidditch, but that is going a bit far…

Potter held it towards Draco’s face, and he saw the words ‘I open at the close’ appear. That was weird, what did it even mean?

“Do you think the Resurrection Stone is in here?” Potter asked.

“Merlin…!” Granger said, looking shocked.

“Do you think Dumbledore acquired all of the Deathly Hallows? What about the Elder Wand?” Potter said, looking between them all.

“I have a theory on that, although it’s completely mad.”

They watched him expectantly.

“From what I remember of the book I mentioned, the Elder Wand looked a lot like the wand Dumbledore used.”

“Bloody hell.” Potter picked up his wine and downed it.

“I will message Mother on the Galleon and see if she can deliver the book to us.”

“Would you mind asking her to bring a book on the Hogwarts founders if she has one?” Granger asked.

“Of course; we have a few in the library.”

“If someone gets all three of the Deathly Hallows, what does that mean?” Potter asked.

“You become the Master of Death. I can only imagine what terrifying things someone like the Dark Lord would do with such power.”

The three of them sat quietly reeling from their discovery for at least an hour. Draco sipped his wine and stared into the fire, watching the flames dance about as he wondered why this was significant. The Dark Lord could possibly want the Hallows, if he believed they existed. Out of all three, Draco supposed the wand would give him the greatest advantage.

“I need to ask you both something,” Granger said suddenly. “Harry, do you have any Muggle money?”

“Not much, about £3.00 I think.”

Granger sighed. “There are some supplies I need… Erm, female supplies. I need to visit a shop, and I figured that a Muggle shopping centre would be the safest option, although there is no point if we don’t have enough money.”

“Right.” Potter acknowledged, looking uncomfortable.

“I have Muggle money,” Draco told them, wondering why they hadn’t asked before.

“What?” Granger asked, looking shocked.

“I don’t have much, but Mother made sure I had a few different currencies before I left. Hang on, I will go and get it.” He got up to go and retrieve the money from his trunk. When he returned with the sack, he emptied the contents onto the coffee table.

Most of it’s made of paper; who uses paper for money?

What happens if it gets wet?

Stupid.

Both Granger and Potter stared at the money with wide eyes before Potter eventually muttered, “Bloody hell.”

“I can’t believe you had this the entire time! Did you not think to offer us some when we were running out of food?! Harry, get down here and help me count,” Granger exclaimed as she got down on her knees.

“There is something about being on my knees in front of Malfoy whilst counting money that doesn’t sit right with me,” he grumbled, but complied as Draco winked at him.

“Is that why we didn’t have food? I didn’t know, and you didn’t say…”

After a while, Granger sat back on her heels. “Malfoy, you have twenty thousand pounds here!”

“Is that good?” he asked. “Do we need more? I can ask Mother.”

She fell against his legs laughing. “No, we don’t need more, and yes, it’s very good. If you don’t mind me borrowing some, I can get everything we need.”

Draco rather enjoyed Granger leaning against his legs. “You can keep the money, Granger, but I have one condition…”

She gazed up at him, waiting.

… “I want to come shopping with you.” Draco had never been to a Muggle shopping centre before; he assumed it must be like Diagon Alley but wanted to see for himself.

“Well I guessed at least one of you would probably need to come along,” she said.

“Let me, Potter; I’ve never been to Muggle shops before!” he pleaded.

Potter laughed. “You’re welcome to go; I hate shopping.”

Well, this is exciting.

Chapter Text

Severus Snape

“Fancy a drink, Severus?” Rodolphus emerged through the fireplace waving around a gold goblet, looking very pleased with himself. That good mood soon disappeared when he noticed Minerva sitting with him. “Oh, apologies. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Minerva pursed her lips. “Rodolphus,” she said shortly.

Severus understood her coldness; Minerva had been good friends with Alice and Frank Longbottom, and whilst Rodolphus didn’t actually cast the spells that drove them to insanity, he was present and did nothing to stop it. He may have even encouraged and enjoyed it; that was a time when Rodolphus was a different man.

“You got it,” Severus muttered, resisting the urge to scratch at his skin as the Dark magic washed over him. He used a quill to remove the Goblet from the end of Rodolphus’s finger. If Albus had taught him anything, it was that touching a Horcrux was not a good idea. Something he had warned Rodolphus about on many occasions.

The man has a death wish.

“Given the badger engraved upon the side, I think we can safely assume that this is the cup of Helga Hufflepuff,” Minerva said shortly, her sharp eyes roaming over the cup’s surface.

“Yes, that is safe to assume,” Severus agreed. “We need to get it to Potter so it can be destroyed. Rodolphus, can you give this to Narcissa? She will know how to deliver it.” He enlarged a piece of parchment and carefully wrapped the cup in it before handing it back to Rodolphus.

“Remember what we said about touching the special artefacts,” Severus said pointedly.

“How does Narcissa know how to contact Potter?” Rodolphus asked. “He’s not back at Grimmauld Place; the Dark Lord still has people monitoring it.”

“It’s better not to ask questions that you should not know the answer to,” Severus told him shortly.

“Shouldn’t you give the cup to Horace? I thought he was working on a theory?” Minerva asked.

“The cup won’t help,” Severus told her.

“I think we should have a drink to celebrate; where do you keep the good wine?” Rodolphus peered around as though the good wine might wave at him from a shelf.

“As if I am going to tell you that,” Severus told him.

“He keeps it under a Concealment Charm behind the Pensieve,” the Portrait of Albus said with a smile.

What an absolute…

“Wonderful!”

“Don’t you touch my good wine!” Severus growled at Rodolphus as he aimed straight for the Pensieve. “Here, have one of the cheap bottles. It’s not like it matters; you drink the stuff so fast you don’t taste it anyway!”

He thrust a bottle of cheap wine at Rodolphus, who grinned.

“You can take it with you; it would be good to deliver the Goblet sooner rather than later.”

Rodolphus huffed and threw himself into a chair. “Fine, but first I want to hear the latest update from Phineas.” He threw a Knut at the empty Portrait. “PHINEAS, COME AND JOIN US!”

Minerva looked affronted at the lack of respect towards the Portraits; it was a good thing Severus had removed the blanket he’d used to cover Albus before she arrived. He wondered if Minerva might leave when it became clear that Rodolphus wasn’t going anywhere, but she seemed rather invested in the daily updates too. Unfortunately though, ever since Potter and Co. had gotten wind that Phineas may have been reporting back some details not wholly associated with their important task, they had taken to casting Muffliato Charms around his Portrait. Severus had worked on this issue for a few long hours, longer than he would ever admit to, and now Phineas could hear some of what was being said. Severus was not sure how accurate the information was anymore though, as Phineas had begrudgingly admitted that everything sounded a bit distorted.

“It is very rude to throw things at my frame,” Phineas told Rodolphus as he emerged.

“My apologies.” He didn’t look in the least bit sorry. “What is the latest from the testosterone-filled tent?”

“Thanks to Severus, I can mostly hear what is going on again, and the first piece of information to pass on is that they are no longer in a tent. I am unable to give further details, but I can assure you that they are safe and well. Now let’s see, the Malfoy boy ate some bread made of garlic which he rather enjoyed. I know, I’m with you…” Phineas said, observing Rodolphus’s disgusted expression… “It is some kind of Muggle delicacy. Then the Malfoy boy gave the Muggle-born a bottle of wine to keep her hormones in check. I don’t think it worked because both the Muggle-born and Potter ended up on their knees for Malfoy, and afterwards he gave them twenty thousand pounds. Apparently, that is rather a lot of money to the Muggles. The Muggle-born got very excited and promised to take the Malfoy boy to a shipping centre… I can only assume he really likes ships.”

Why would they be looking at ships at a time like this?

Rodolphus, rather predictably, burst out laughing whilst himself and Minerva took a moment to work through their thoughts.

“I…” Minerva looked like she was struggling for something to say.

Severus raised an eyebrow at her.

… “I’m glad they are safe,” she finished with a determined nod.

Ever the diplomat…

“Well, it’s been a delight, as always. I better deliver this to Narcissa.” Rodolphus picked up the cup as he stood. “I hope you all have a good evening. It won’t be as good as Draco’s, of course, but I wish you a good one all the same.”

Once Rodolphus had gone, Severus looked at Minerva, wondering if she had anything to say following this evening’s events. Turns out, she did.

“I don’t like him,” she stated whilst staring into the fireplace Rodolphus had just vanished through. “I don’t understand his motivations.”

Not many do.

He sighed. “Like all of us, Minerva, the Dark Lord took someone from him. It may have taken him a while, and he definitely took his grief out on the wrong people, but he is now ready to hold the Dark Lord responsible.”

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

Hermione had never had so much money in her bag. Malfoy had tried to persuade her to take all twenty thousand, but she had managed to negotiate him down to five thousand, which in her opinion was still too much. The amount of spells she had cast around her bag in order to keep potential thieves away could be considered excessive, but that didn’t stop her brain from worrying about it constantly. The other thing her brain was currently struggling with was processing Malfoy wearing Muggle clothes. A tight pair of jeans, a white T-shirt, and a black zip-up hoody, to be precise, loaned to him by Harry. The look had been finished off with a baseball cap to hide his platinum hair.

His arse looks great.

Bloody hell, Hermione! He might catch you looking.

“Potter, you must have a very small cock if you can wear these comfortably,” Malfoy muttered, whilst bending and pulling at the crotch of the jeans.

“Hey! I do not! You just need a bigger size because you are taller!” Harry exclaimed, looking affronted.

“And because I have a bigger cock.”

Merlin…

“I’ve seen it; it’s not that big,” Harry retorted, much to Hermione’s surprise.

“When did you see his…” Hermione waved her hand in the general direction of Malfoy’s crotch.

“Jealous, Granger?” A slow and dangerous smile spread across Malfoy’s face, and Hermione felt very hot all of a sudden.

“Never mind,” she said quickly. “We need to get going, come on.”

She heard Harry whisper, “Tuck it back between your legs,” to Malfoy as she approached the door. The urge to peek over her shoulder to see if he was doing what Harry advised was strong, but she managed to resist… just.

She walked with Malfoy up the short pathway to the wooden gates, and, once on the other side, tried to take his arm, ready to apparate. Before she made contact, however, he moved away and held out his hand with a teasing grin on his face.

She looked at it in confusion. “You want me to hold your hand?”

“I’m about to go into the Muggle world; I’m scared,” he told her whilst looking anything but scared.

Today is really going to test me…

She sighed and took his hand. It was soft, and he gripped hers firmly, which happened to be extremely distracting. Hermione had to take a few deep breaths in order to centre herself and picture the place they needed to go. She had only been to Bristol once, but it was close enough to apparate to from Bath, and she knew it had a good shopping centre. Once her mind was mostly set on their location, she spun them on the spot, and a second later they reappeared in a quiet alley.

Hermione was momentarily distracted as they walked out of the alley because Malfoy was refusing to let go of her hand. She even tried to shake him off, but he clung on without saying a word. In the end she just gave up, which he was clearly amused by.

“Fuck, why is it so loud?!” Malfoy exclaimed as they made their way inside.

She shrugged. “It’s lunchtime; there are normally a lot of people about at this time. I thought it would be easier to blend in.”

“Everything is so bright!… Salazar! There’s a picture of a woman in her underwear on the side of that shop!”

Hermione followed his line of sight to a clothing store, and sure enough, a large advertisement outside featured a woman wearing lingerie.

“Honestly, the wizarding world is so prudish…” Hermione laughed at his shocked expression.

“Right. Ok, Granger, challenge accepted.”

What challenge?!

“Urm, what…” She didn’t get the rest of her sentence out because Malfoy started dragging her along by the hand whilst asking hundreds of questions she barely had time to answer.

“What’s that?”

“An escalator.”

“And that?”

“A lift.”

“And that?”

“A litter bin, it’s where Muggles put their rubbish.”

“What is that person wearing on their head?”

“Headphones, attached to a walkman; it’s how Muggles listen to music.”

“Can we go in there!” Malfoy was pointing to a toy shop full of flashing things. She didn’t know why he bothered asking because a second later she was being dragged inside the store.

“Malfoy, we really don’t have time for this,” she tried.

“What are Teletubbies? And why do they appear to be sold out?” he asked, looking at an empty display case. Before she could answer, he had already moved on, dragging her with him. They looked at robot dogs, board games, cuddly toys, balls, and puzzles; at one point, Malfoy was mesmerised by a slinky, which made Hermione smile. It brought back a memory of her dad desperately trying to untangle her slinky; he got so annoyed that he ended up throwing it out of the living room window.

Malfoy paused in front of the display with ‘Hottest toy of the season!’ written above it. His eyes lit up as he picked up a Tamagotchi.

“Ah, great choice! Shall I show you how it works?” a rather sweaty-looking salesman asked as he approached them.

“Yes please, Mr. Muggle,” Malfoy responded enthusiastically.

Hermione’s eyes widened as the salesman looked confused. He was probably trying to work out if he had just been insulted somehow.

“Apologies, he is from… Bulgaria,” she said quickly.

“I went to Durmstrang,” Malfoy added, clearly trying to play along.

Hermione inwardly sighed.

I knew today was going to test me.

“Right,” the salesman laughed awkwardly, and, in an attempt to help the confused Bulgarian, he started explaining the workings of a Tamagotchi in a very loud and slow voice.

Once the demonstration had concluded, Malfoy announced excitedly, “We will take three; is five thousand pounds enough? I tried to persuade her to bring more, but she refused.”

“Bloody hell, stop talking!” Hermione hissed as the salesman selected three Tamagotchis with a chortle, clearly thinking the silly Bulgarian had no idea about English currency.

Once they had paid and made it safely out of the toy store, she manoeuvred Malfoy into Boots to buy some toiletries. It was at times like these that she realised why parents put their children on reins. In the end, to stop Malfoy getting distracted and wandering off, she took hold of his hand again.

Maybe I can put some kind of Tracking Spell on him…

She pulled him up and down the different aisles, picking up the various bits she needed. Malfoy observed for the most part, at least until she got to the body wash section. She selected her usual body wash; then after noticing it was on offer, she picked up a second bottle and caught Malfoy grimacing at it out of the corner of her eye.

“Why are you grimacing?” she asked in confusion.

He jumped, clearly taken by surprise. “No reason,” he answered quickly… too quickly.

He craned his neck, clearly trying to find something to change the subject. “Why is there a shelf called ‘Sexual Pleasure and Wellbeing’?”

Oh god…

Hermione’s face heated. “That’s… you don’t have to worry about that.”

Malfoy eyed her dangerously. “Oh really?”

She was being dragged towards the shelf in question before she realised what was happening.

“Malfoy!” she snapped.

He picked up a box of condoms, which she quickly grabbed and put back.

“Trust me, you don’t need those.”

“What are they, Granger?”

Why did I agree to bring him?!

She took a deep breath and tried to school her features. “Muggles don’t have Contraceptive Spells; they have to use other methods like condoms. It’s essentially a wrap for their…” She gave him a ‘well you know’ look.

“Do you need some help?”

Hermione momentarily closed her eyes as she tried to gather the strength she needed.

I bloody hate shop assistants.

Why can’t they just leave people alone?!

“Oh no, we’re fine,” she smiled brightly.

Nothing wrong here, you can go now.

Please go.

Please.

“Oh, she is just shy,” Malfoy cut in.

Hermione shot him a look that promised pain would befall him later in the form of a hex.

“What do you recommend?” He indicated towards the shelf.

He did not just ask her that.

Hermione had to endure an extremely long discussion on the different varieties of condoms, all whilst Malfoy shot her amused looks. She also had to endure the lady complimenting Malfoy on taking his sexual health seriously, and the lady’s knowing looks that told Hermione she was the luckiest girl on earth.

Kill me.

“What size would you say you are?” the lady asked, selecting some condoms that Malfoy had taken a particular interest in.

“I’m not sure. Granger, what size am I?”

She had never seen Malfoy look so delighted.

Prat, absolute fucking prat.

“Small,” she replied with a sarcastic smile.

“Rude; I’m actually rather big,” he winked at the lady who chuckled.

“Perhaps you can try medium to start with.” She handed him a box. “Is there anything else you need help with?”

It looked like Malfoy was about to say no, but then had an idea which he deemed too good to pass up. “We sometimes have a third wheeler, if you get what I mean…”

Hermione felt her cheeks burn as Malfoy turned to her.

“We should probably get Potter some condoms too. Don’t you think?”

Even the shopkeeper looked a bit flustered by this turn of events.

He is such an arse.

Urgh. If he knows he is getting to me though, he will keep pushing.

Time to play him at his own game.

“Actually, yes, we should. He will definitely need large,” she told the shopkeeper with a smile. “And if you wouldn’t mind picking out some lube for us, this one likes it when I peg him.” She patted Malfoy on the shoulder as he coughed a laugh. The lady made a hasty exit after she’d added the unnecessary products to their basket.

“Oh, Granger, did you just come out to play?” he said, biting his lip.

Her eyes fell to his mouth, and she had to quickly turn away to compose herself.

Bloody Malfoy.

The next stop on her list was a clothing store; both her and Harry were in desperate need of a few bits. She left Malfoy in the lingerie section; he seemed very happy there, and it meant she could shop without him constantly trying to distract her. Hermione picked up some T-shirts, socks, underwear, jumpers, and a pair of jeans for Malfoy that looked closer to his actual size.

These definitely won’t hug his arse as well, but at least his penis will fit.

When she was done, she found Malfoy carrying a number of very sexy underwear sets, which he promptly chucked into her basket.

“Why do you need these?” she asked him.

“They’re for you, Granger. It’s become painfully apparent that all your bras are either black or white. It makes the bra colour guessing game rather boring. I’m spicing it up a bit.”

“Give me strength,” she muttered as she went to pay. As they stood side by side in line waiting for their turn to be served, her eyes kept drifting to the underwear. Annoyingly, the thought of Malfoy buying her sexy underwear was rather appealing.

Don’t ever admit that to anyone, Hermione.

Unfortunately, on their way out she made the mistake of walking him past Ann Summers: a notorious store specialising in mature toys and fun outfits. She tried to walk past quickly, hoping that Malfoy wouldn’t notice, but he immediately came to a halt upon spotting it.

“Granger…”

“No, absolutely not.”

“I’m going in.” He spun away from her and ran into the store before she could stop him.

Bloody fucking prat.

If it was possible, Malfoy looked even more delighted by this store than he had the toy shop. She supposed they were similar; this one just sold toys of a different kind.

“Fuck, Muggles are wild,” he exclaimed, looking at a large display of vibrators.

The woman behind the counter frowned at them.

Hermione turned to her with a smile. “Sorry, he is from Bulgaria.”

The woman nodded like that explained everything.

To Hermione’s complete mortification, whilst her back was turned, Malfoy had picked up a basket and began perusing.

“What’s this?” Malfoy asked, picking up a horse head thong which promptly neighed at him. He looked at Hermione, waiting for an explanation.

“It’s a thong; you wear it.”

He looked confused. “What, so your cock goes in this bit, and then this thin strap goes… oh, ouch.” He looked at it for a second, clearly contemplating the pros and cons. “Always try things once; that’s what I say!” He dropped it into the basket.

“Oh, costumes! Granger, I may need some help here.” He held up a sexy policewoman outfit.

“It’s a policewoman costume… basically a Muggle version of an Auror.”

“And this?”

“A nurse, Muggle version of a Healer.”

“Lovely.” He put them both in the basket.

“Why do you need those?” She asked in exasperation, but he just grinned at her in response.

The grin should not have been arousing, but it was, and Hermione swallowed as he continued to stare at her. His eyes drifted down to her mouth, and her breath hitched as he moved closer to whisper in her ear, “I have many ideas for these, Granger.” There was a pulse between her legs, and she was somewhat relieved when he moved away and began adding more things to the basket like nothing had happened.

I need to Aguamenti the fuck out of myself right now.

The woman behind the counter smiled pleasantly at them whilst she scanned everything and put it in a bag. As Hermione was counting out the money to pay, the woman handed Malfoy a leaflet. “We do parties if you’re interested.”

“I do love a party,” he winked at her as he took the leaflet and added it to the bag.

Hermione was mildly annoyed when the woman giggled and winked back.

Is she flirting with him?

Why am I annoyed by that?

Hermione grabbed Malfoy’s hand and pulled him out of the shop, maybe a little more forcefully than was needed, not that Malfoy seemed to mind. He just observed her with a stupid smirk on his face. The exit was finally in sight, thank goodness, because Hermione was so done with the most ridiculous shopping trip she had ever had to endure. Just as she released Malfoy’s hand to push open the door, Malfoy saw a newsagent.

“Oh, we should stop and get Potter some magazines.”

She huffed, ready to tell him that they needed to get home, but he was already inside the shop.

Is it murder if they drive you to do it?

She found him examining the lower shelves. Hermione knew exactly what he was looking for, and he definitely wouldn’t find those particular magazines down there.

“I think you want to look higher; they put them up here so children don’t see them,” she said, pointing to the top shelf.

“Ah!” he exclaimed in delight, pulling a few down.

She watched in amusement as his mouth dropped open. “Granger, these women are actually naked!”

“Well, yes,” she said.

“In Potter’s magazine they were wearing things. Are you telling me that they also have naked versions?”

“Clearly…”

Malfoy promptly grabbed one of each.

Hermione was past the point of being embarrassed now. The guy behind the counter looked at the pile and then at them with a raised eyebrow.

Hermione sighed. “He is from Bulgaria and isn’t allowed to socialise with women very often; his religious order is very strict.”

“Durmstrang,” Malfoy nodded.

The guy looked between them, but didn’t feel the need to ask further questions.

Out of all the shop assistants, this one is my favourite.

“I didn’t see any magazines that might appeal to you, Granger… pity,” he said as they left.

She scoffed. “Malfoy, I don’t look at porn; I read it, like a lady.”

His eyes sparked in delight.

Hermione barely dared to believe it when they finally made it through the shopping centre exit. When they were down the alley and safely out of sight, she grabbed Malfoy’s hand and apparated them back to the cottage.

Harry was lounging on the sofas when they arrived, with a very straight-backed Narcissa Malfoy sitting in an armchair next to him sipping tea.

“Mother!” Malfoy exclaimed, dropping the bags. A loud neighing noise echoed around the room, causing both Harry and Narcissa to stare at the bags in confusion.

“Trust me; you do not want to know what that is,” Hermione told them.

Chapter Text

Draco Malfoy

Draco was engulfed by the familiar smell of roses as his mother pulled him into a back-breaking hug. He allowed himself a moment of vulnerability. Not caring that Granger and Potter were watching, he wrapped his arms around her, rested his cheek on her shoulder, and let her hold him.

“I hope Potter was the perfect host whilst I was gone,” he told her.

She pulled back to smile at him. “Mr. Potter was very kind, although I think I startled him,” she chuckled.

“I was taking a nap,” Potter explained, looking somewhat embarrassed. “I may have screamed when I saw her.”

“It was my fault; I should have loudly announced my presence. I’m sure waking up to me leaning over you was rather disconcerting.”

“There are worse ways to wake up…” Potter muttered, trying to fight off a smirk. Draco narrowed his eyes at him, clearly communicating that Potter was going to earn a Stinging Jinx to the balls if he kept that up.

His mother reached up to remove the baseball cap Draco was wearing. “Muggle fashion is very odd,” she said as she examined it.

“The fashion is nothing; you should see some of the shops!” he exclaimed excitedly. “Speaking of which; Potter, I got you a present!”

“Maybe now isn’t the best time to be giving Harry any of the presents from today!” Granger cut in quickly with an alarmed look.

Mother observed Granger with the utmost interest before her eyes drifted over to the bags piled by the front door.

“Calm yourself, Granger, I was going to give Potter his Tamagotchi.”

“A Tamagotchi?!” Potter exclaimed excitedly. “Dudley got one of those for his birthday; I was so jealous!”

Who the hell is Dudley?

“A Tashagoshmi?”

Oh bless, his mother had tried her best.

“It’s a Muggle toy.” Granger explained as Draco retrieved them from the shopping bags. Potter immediately ripped his open and started pressing buttons like he knew exactly what he was doing. Draco opened his own and tentatively pressed the tiny button. The Tamagotchi bleeped at him, and a little picture popped onto the screen.

What in Salazar’s name is that supposed to be?

“My dears, I know these new toys are exciting, but I have a few things that I need to talk to you about,” his mother cut in politely.

Right! Of course she had a reason for visiting.

“Sorry, Mrs. Malfoy,” Granger said, lowering herself into one of the armchairs. Draco sat next to Potter.

“Firstly,” his mother reached into her robes and pulled out some books, “here are the books you requested. Ancient Myths and Artefacts by Gilbert Roux, and a few books on the Hogwarts founders.” She placed them on the coffee table.

Draco immediately picked up the copy of Ancient Myths and Artefacts and flicked through the pages until he found one with a picture of the Elder Wand. He pushed the book at Potter. “Look familiar?”

Potter’s eyes widened. “It does, actually!”

“We should inform Phineas,” Granger told them excitedly.

“One more thing before you do that.” Mother pulled an odd-shaped object, wrapped in paper, from her robes. Draco hadn’t noticed the Dark magic tingling against his skin, but once the object had been placed onto the coffee table and his mother had flicked her wand to remove the paper wrap, the tingling intensified.

“We believe this cup once belonged to Helga Hufflepuff; you can see there is a badger engraved on the side. Severus and Rodolphus asked me to bring it to you.”

“Blimey,” Potter exclaimed as both him and Granger got up to have a closer look.

“Where did they find it?” Granger asked.

“When Rodolphus retrieved the Locket from Dolores Umbridge, he told Severus that the Dark magic felt familiar. It took him a little while to work out why, but it turns out that this was being stored in his vault.”

“It makes sense,” Granger nodded. “Bellatrix is one of his most loyal followers, and I expect the Lestrange vault is well protected.”

“Do you think the final artefact is also in the vault of one of his followers?” Potter asked.

“Maybe, although Dumbledore was sure there was one at Hogwarts.” Granger considered for a moment. “Whatever that artefact is, it is likely to be something of Rowena Ravenclaw’s. I need to do some research; these books will come in very useful, Mrs. Malfoy. Thank you.”

His mother’s teacup shook as a tremor passed through her hand. “If you need anything else, just let me know.”

“How has it been?” he asked slowly, dreading the response. “At the Manor?”

“Much the same,” she gave him a sad smile. “Although, I did notice one thing that I have found a little strange. Nagini has not been coming for dinner with the Dark Lord. I’m not complaining, of course; I dislike that snake immensely, but Severus seems to think that the snake is important, so I wanted to pass on the message.”

“Do you think he’s realised what we are doing and has hidden her?” Potter asked Granger.

“I don’t think so, or else he would have checked on his other artefacts… like the one in the Lestrange vault,” she nodded towards the cup.

“The Dark Lord has not been acting differently, and he is still very keen on finding out what you are up to, so I don’t think he suspects anything. The only reason I can think of, as to why the Dark Lord would let her out of his sight, is that he may be using her to guard something,” his mother added.

“Does Snape have any theories?” Draco asked her.

“I haven’t spoken to him yet, although I did mention it to Rodolphus, so I daresay Severus will know very soon. They gossip worse than teenage girls.” She rolled her eyes.

“Thank you for this, Mrs. Malfoy. I hope helping us hasn’t put you in any danger.” Potter’s concern for his mother was actually rather nice; Draco felt something that felt a lot like gratitude towards him.

Fuck, I’m going soft.

“I want him gone and my son back home,” she told them all. “As I said, if you need anything else, just ask.”

“Do we need any more Muggle money, Granger?” The shopping trip today had been a lot of fun, albeit, slightly overwhelming to begin with. But watching Granger squirm and get annoyed with him had become addictive; he couldn’t get enough of it. Then there were the smiles she let slip every now and then, normally when she watched him get excited over silly things, like the slinky.

I really should have bought that slinky…

She rolled her eyes. “No, we have enough Muggle money, even after all your ridiculous purchases today!”

“Did you buy a ship, darling?” his mother asked randomly.

“No, why would I buy a ship?”

“No reason. What did you buy, other than the Tushagoshmis?”

Not even remotely close…

“Ah well, lots of fun things actually…” he started, but Granger cut across him, saying, “Mainly clothes.”

“Ah well, that’s good. Those trousers do look a bit… restricting,” she noted with a pointed look at the jeans Draco was wearing.

“Yes these are Potter’s; I’m definitely bigger than him,” he smirked.

“Did you really just make that kind of innuendo in front of your Mum?” Potter asked him, looking mildly mortified.

His mother noted Granger rolling her eyes and chuckled. “Both Draco and his father are very much in the average category; they just like to talk big.”

“Hey!” he exclaimed as Potter and Granger laughed. “I don’t know why you’re laughing, Potter. If I’m average, that makes you below average or small, as the Muggle lady in the sexual health shop today would say.”

“It wasn’t a sexual health shop!” Granger exclaimed. “I promise it wasn’t,” she said directly to his mother.

“Oh god, you let him in Ann Summers didn’t you?!” Potter exclaimed with wide eyes.

“Yes!” “No!” Granger replied at the same time he did.

She growled at him in annoyance; it was very arousing. “The sexual health shop was actually Boots, a shop that sells all kinds of Muggle toiletries.”

Potter nodded in understanding; his mother’s eyes twinkled in amusement.

“We went to Ann Summers later after I bought her lots of sexy underwear,” he added helpfully.

“Has anyone ever hexed you into unconsciousness before?!” Granger asked him.

“No, but as I said today, I’ll try anything once,” he winked at her before turning to Potter. “Speaking of which, I think Granger wants to re-enact the Locket scene. She bought you some condoms and a load of lube for me…” He pretended to whisper behind his hand… “She wants to peg me whilst you watch!”

Potter’s mouth dropped open as Granger spluttered, “WHAT? No, Harry, no… He is just being an absolute prick!”

Her eyes widened as she turned to his mother. “Sorry, Mrs. Malfoy, I didn’t mean to call your son a prick in front of you.”

“Quite alright, dear,” his mother assured Granger. “I’m not entirely sure what a prick is, but I’m sure he is one.”

Rude…

Granger was staring at him with what could only be described as murderous intentions; it excited him a lot. If only he wasn’t wearing Potter’s jeans; things were starting to feel rather uncomfortable.

“I have probably lingered a bit too long,” his mother told them all. “I will leave you to have fun with your Sassagoshis.”

Where is she even getting these words from?

Potter went into the kitchen to start dinner when his mother had gone, leaving Draco alone in the living room with a very angry-looking Granger.

Oh Salazar…

“I’m going to have a bath before dinner,” he said, thinking it would probably be best if he wasn’t in the same room as her for a while. He didn’t really want to be hexed into unconsciousness.

Granger marched over and shoved him against the wall next to the stairs. “You are such an arse! Why would you say those things in front of your mum?!”

He grabbed her around the waist and spun them, switching their positions so the petite brunette was trapped against the wall with his body pressed into her. Her eyes widened in surprise.

“Granger, if you are going to tell me off, at least put on the Muggle Auror outfit I bought you.”

“Fuck you, you fucking prat!” She jabbed him in the chest with her finger but made no attempt to push him away, so Draco stayed where he was.

“O for outstanding in the swearing department, Granger. You’ve come a long way from ‘Holy Crickets,’ or whatever that nonsense was you used to spout.” Unfortunately, she seemed to snap out of whatever glorious trance she was in and shoved him away. Draco let her, backing off and making his way up the stairs. “I’m going to have a bath; feel free to join me.”

“I hate you,” she huffed at him.

“No you don’t,” he told her with a grin.

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

Fucking Malfoy.

Smug fucking Malfoy.

Why is he so bloody annoying?!

Urgh.

Hermione paced the living room as she tried to calm down. Her whole body was tingling; she could still feel him pressed against her. She rubbed at her arms, trying to convince her mind to get a grip.

“Are you about to hex him?” Harry asked, appearing from the kitchen.

“Maybe!” she declared.

Harry was clearly trying to hide a smile. “He likes you. It’s pretty obvious.”

She scoffed. “He likes messing with me. He just invited me to join him in the bath, for Merlin’s sake!”

“Maybe you should?” He actually laughed at her now.

Hermione gave Harry a withering look. “Don’t start with me, Harry. I bet he is up there right now, laughing about the whole thing… Urgh, I should go and hex his bathwater.” She stopped. … “I should go and hex his bathwater.” And before Harry could respond, she marched up the stairs.

Hermione pulled open Malfoy’s bedroom door as Harry came running up behind her. “I’m not sure this is wise; he might be doing something you don’t want to see…”

“He should have thought about that before he invited me to join him!”

“Christ,” she heard Harry mutter as she walked across the room and pulled open the bathroom door.

Malfoy was stretched out in the ornate clawfoot bathtub surrounded by bubbles and what looked like…

Dried flowers?! What the actual fuck…

She couldn’t see much of his body, not that she was looking, of course.

He stared at her in shock. “Urm, Granger, what are you…”

“You invited me; don’t you remember?” she told him as she tapped her wand against the taps and muttered a spell.

Good luck having nice relaxing baths with no hot water, arsehole.

“I suppose I did… What are you doing?” he asked, looking alarmed.

“Just a little hex.” She smiled and shoved her wand into his bathwater, turning it ice-cold in an instant.

He yelped, “Fuck, Granger!”

She turned away to the sound of splashing and curses as he practically jumped out of the freezing cold bath. She was halfway to the door when a rather tempting thought flitted through her mind.

Should I… ?

Fuck it.

She peeked over her shoulder, taking in his annoyingly toned body, which was currently dripping with bubbles. He was turned to the side, so she couldn’t see anything much, but what she could see was rather enjoyable…

Merlin…

He looks fucking incredible…

“Enjoying the view, Granger?!” he smirked and turned towards her, fully exposing himself. A shot of adrenaline coursed through her as she took him in. The scars from the Sectumsempra Curse stood out on his nicely sculpted chest; it took nothing away from how beautiful he was; if anything, it enhanced it. Her eyes travelled lower, resting at the spot between his legs. She hadn’t seen many penises before, only the odd picture, but she thought he had a rather nice one… even if it did look a bit sorry for itself currently. Her eyes widened as a slight twitch ran through it, and she looked up to see Malfoy watching her intently.

Fuck.

She faked a look of nonchalance as she shrugged. “It is rather small, isn’t it?”

He laughed. “Fuck you! You just turned my bathwater ice-cold; what do you expect?!”

Harry was waiting for her outside the bedroom door as she exited. “Happy now?”

“Yes,” she said with a smile. “I feel a lot better.”

~~~~~~~~

Severus Snape

“I come with a message,” Phineas announced.

Severus was halfway through marking some potions essays. He didn’t know why he bothered; they were all abysmal.

“And that is?” he drawled.

“How do you feel about grave robbing?”

Severus raised an eyebrow.

At least this is more interesting than the essays.

“Can’t say that it’s something I partake in regularly.”

“How do you feel about robbing the grave of the greatest wizard of all time, whom you killed?”

“Oh, that’s me,” the Portrait of Dumbledore piped up.

I should have covered him with the blanket again.

“Robbing the grave of the man that everyone is so delighted I killed is not likely to go over well; why would I do that?”

“Well, the Malfoy boy thinks he has the Elder Wand.”

“The Elder Wand…” he repeated slowly… “The wand from The Tale of the Three Brothers? The same wand that the Dark Lord is currently looking for?”

“That’s the one!” Phineas declared as the Portrait of Albus giggled.

“You actually have it, don’t you?” he asked Albus angrily.

“Maybe…”

Severus sighed, letting his head fall into his hand. “You didn’t think to tell me about that before we buried you with it?!”

The Portrait started snoring.

Perhaps I can set him on fire and say my wand slipped.

“The Dark Lord has been obsessed with wand lore ever since his wand failed against Potter in the graveyard a few years ago. If he were to actually obtain the Elder Wand…” Severus leaned back in his chair. “I didn’t take his mutterings about it seriously; I thought it was a myth! He could do terrible things with that wand.”

“He would have to be the Master of the Elder Wand for it to work properly,” Albus added, having apparently woken up again.

“From what I understand, a wand’s allegiance is either given willingly or won, normally in a duel, but what happens if the master of a wand dies? Would its allegiance be with me, as I was the one who killed you?”

Am I the master of the most deadly wand of all time?!

“You may have killed me, Severus, but someone disarmed me before you even got there…”

Fucking Draco.

“Draco is the Master of the Elder Wand.”

“Provided no one has bested him, then yes.”

Severus groaned. “Potter disarmed him at Grimmauld Place! So Potter is the Master of the Elder Wand…”

Phineas chuckled. “The Dark Lord won’t like that…”

Severus cast his doe Patronus and requested that Minerva come to his office. If he was going to rob the grave of Albus Dumbledore, he wanted her with him to offer some protection. He could only imagine the curses that would come flying his way if he were caught.

“Any other update whilst you’re here?” Severus asked, trying not to sound hopeful.

“They had a rather enjoyable trip to the shipping centre from what I could make out. The Muggle-born insisted that she peg the Malfoy boy whilst Potter watches. I assume that’s some kind of shipping term that I am not familiar with…”

Severus’s eyes widened.

… “They also bought some Muggle toys that are called something odd; don’t make me try and pronounce it. Also, I think they bought a horse…”

A horse?!

These updates just keep getting weirder.

… “Anyway, the Muggle-born got angry at the Malfoy boy because he was trying to persuade her to put on some kind of costume, then he invited her into his bath, which she ended up accepting. It resulted in a lot of yelling, though, so I’m not sure it went the way the Malfoy boy was hoping.”

“Such fun,” the Portrait of Albus chuckled.

“Indeed,” Severus agreed.

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

It was a few days later when Malfoy finally got his revenge for the bathwater incident. Hermione had gone upstairs after breakfast, intending to have a wash before they left to destroy the cup of Helga Hufflepuff, but the moment she turned on her taps, sand shot out.

She groaned. “Malfoy!”

She found him lounging on his bed, trying very hard to keep a smirk off his face as he pretended to read a book. “Yes, love? Did you want me to help you pick out some underwear to wear today?”

Unbelievable…

“Remove the hex on my taps!”

“What hex might that be?”

“The sand!” she growled.

“If I had put a hex on your taps, I would probably be more inclined to remove it if you removed the hex you had put on mine,” he told her, turning a page of the book he clearly wasn’t reading.

“Not a chance.” She stormed out of his room and knocked on Harry’s door.

Harry opened the door with a rather bored expression. “What has he done now?”

“Hexed my taps; I need to use your bathroom.”

Harry moved out of the way so she could enter.

“Don’t give in to her, Potter; that means I have to hex your taps too now!” Malfoy yelled.

“Stay away from my taps! You two are like bloody children!”

Once Hermione had freshened up in Harry’s bathroom, she went back to her room to get some clean clothes. That was when she discovered that all her normal underwear were missing, and the sexy lingerie sets were all that remained.

“Give me strength,” she growled to herself as she grabbed a set at random.

Today, of all days, they really needed to stay focused on the task ahead. They had been debating for days whether they should destroy the Horcrux cup at the cottage or take it someplace else. Malfoy had mentioned that the Dark magic held within the Horcrux might affect the wards, so ultimately they decided to take it to the Forrest of Dean and destroy it there. Harry had insisted that Hermione should be the one to do it, and she had been battling the nervous fluttering in her stomach ever since, so the last thing she needed was Malfoy’s games.

I really hope it doesn’t show us another smoky sex-vision.

My brain still hasn’t gotten over the last one.

The whole situation with Malfoy was getting out of hand; she had started having dreams about him. Very naked dreams about him. Admiring him after he had jumped out of the bath had been a mistake; Malfoy had been relentless with his flirting ever since, and the touches…

Oh Merlin, the touches.

He would randomly touch her during the most unexpected moments. Like when she was cooking, he would place his hands on her hips as he moved around her, and it was very distracting. The flirting, she was loath to admit, she actually rather enjoyed, although it was getting to a point where she worried about developing actual feelings for him. Very real feelings, that he definitely did not feel for her.

Cabin fever; that’s what this is. I have cabin fever.

“Ready to go?” Harry poked his head around her bedroom door.

“Yes, I think so,” she told him with a smile.

Hermione apparated them to a quiet part of the Forrest of Dean, where they spent a while casting various spells to keep people away. The last thing they needed were some poor Muggles walking by and witnessing the destruction of a soul fragment from the Darkest wizard of all time.

Harry placed the cup on a tree stump and handed Hermione the Sword of Gryffindor. “Remember, just ignore whatever you see. Just hit it with the Sword as quick as possible.”

“Or not. I’m actually looking forward to seeing one of your fantasies, Granger,” Malfoy winked at her.

Oh god, please don’t show any weird fantasies she begged in her mind. She would actually die of embarrassment if Malfoy appeared covered in bubbles and dried flowers.

Hermione cautiously approached the cup and raised the Sword, preparing for the onslaught of Dark magic. Only nothing happened. No smoke, no weird visions; she didn’t even feel gross in the way she usually did when Dark magic washed over her. The cup seemed oddly at peace, like it welcomed its destruction. She swung the Sword down, cutting straight though the middle of it. There was a mighty whoosh of air, which knocked her backwards into a body she didn’t realise had been standing so close behind her. Strong arms wrapped around her waist as they both landed on the ground, with Harry sprawled next to them.

“Are you ok?” Malfoy asked as she scrambled back to her feet.

“Yes, fine.” She gave him a puzzled look before looking back at the cup.

“That was rather anti-climatic,” Harry noted.

“Was it definitely a Horcrux?” Malfoy asked.

“Yes,” Hermione answered, peering at it closely. “I got the distinct impression that it was oddly at peace with what was about to happen, almost like it was sentient…”

“Like the Tamagotchi,” Malfoy added with a nod.

“Urm, no; that’s just programming; it’s not sentient.” She huffed a laugh. “I suppose if the cup was sentient and it had been made into a Horcrux unwillingly, it might welcome the release. That’s kind of what it felt like…”

“Well, either way, another one destroyed, and that is cause for a celebration,” Harry grinned at them.

Chapter Text

Draco Malfoy

Potter wanted to celebrate, and Draco had decided that this celebration needed to be done Slytherin style. Before the madness could commence, however, they all needed to be suitably drunk. Granger had surprised them by making cocktails that tasted a lot like the fruity ones the house-elves made. She told him they were called ‘Cosmopolitans’ and were actually a Muggle drink. Who knew?!

Draco was currently indulging in his fifth Cosmopolitan as Potter and Granger giggled hysterically and sang a strange song about wanting to be someone’s lover. Apparently, if you wanted to be this person’s lover, then you had to get with their friends. Old Draco might have been shocked, but considering his new knowledge of Muggles and how sex-obsessed they seemed to be, the new Draco wasn’t even remotely surprised.

He closed one eye to bring his Tamagotchi into focus; the little thing (he still wasn’t sure what it was supposed to be) was still alive. That was good; it had died repeatedly on the first day until Potter had taken pity on him and told him to ‘turn the heat up’ because the thing was ‘freezing to death.’

“Ha, you’re drunk!” Potter declared, pointing at him. “You have to close one eye to focus.”

Rude.

“How dare you! If anyone is drunk, it’s Granger; just look at how big her hair is!”

It was true; the more she drank, the bigger her hair seemed to get; it was quite an unusual party trick.

“Urgh,” she groaned, scraping her hair into a pile on the top of her head and shoving her wand through it to keep it in place. Not really the safest use for a wand, but Draco let it slide as she looked cute.

Urgh, there I go being all soft again.

“How about we play a game?” he suggested with a smirk.

Both Potter and Granger were instantly suspicious. He could hardly blame them; the Slytherin party nights were notorious.

“CAN I JOIN IN?” Druella’s Portrait called from the dining room.

“ABSOLUTELY NOT,” he replied, flicking his wand to close the door. Unfortunately, given his slightly drunken demeanour, his aim was off, and he blasted a few books from the bookcase instead.

Whoops…

“The books!” Granger exclaimed.

“Calm yourself, Granger; I will take care of it.” He swaggered over to the dining room door and kicked it shut, blocking the view of a very amused looking Druella. Then he picked up the books and left them in a pile next to the bookcase.

“You better put those away properly tomorrow,” Granger huffed at him when he settled back on the sofa.

“What kind of game did you want to play?” Potter asked, looking mildly intrigued.

He produced some Veritaserum from his pocket. “Truth or Dare.”

“Nope!” Granger declared, crossing her arms.

So adorable…

Fuck, pull yourself together.

“Scared about what we might find out?” he asked her playfully.

“Obviously,” she responded, like he had asked a stupid question.

Potter slapped his hands on his knees and declared, “Fuck it; I’m in! Come on, ‘Mione, it’s just us.”

“I think that’s what she’s scared of,” Draco noted.

Potter looked at her. “Whatever is said or done in this room, stays in this room…” He looked at Draco… “Right?”

“Of course.” He settled his gaze back on Granger.

Granger huffed, “This is peer pressure.”

“Yes, it is,” he confirmed whilst sliding forward on the sofa to add one drop of Veritaserum to each of their cocktails. “To Salazar’s Snake!” he declared and downed his drink.

Potter frowned at him. “Did you just toast to Salazar Slytherin’s dick?”

“No, Salazar Slytherin actually had a snake, a real snake… We toast to the snake; it’s tradition.”

“Sounds like you worship his dick to me,” Granger muttered.

“Just drink the bloody cocktails,” he told them.

Absolutely no bloody respect around here.

Potter and Granger hesitantly drank their cocktails as though something might jump out of the glass and bite them.

“You’re going first,” Granger told him. “Truth or Dare?”

“Truth.”

Granger smirked. “Why did you grimace at my body wash?”

Urgh, here we go.

“I used it whilst wanking, and it made my cock burn.”

Granger’s mouth dropped open as Potter burst out laughing.

“I would like to add that it wasn’t my finest moment, but you had confiscated my wand, so I couldn’t cast a lubrication spell.”

“The mint will do that to you,” Granger said through her laughter.

“Potter actually enjoys it!”

“Hey, it was your turn to be humiliated, not mine!” Potter exclaimed indignantly.

“Moving on. I think you will find it’s your turn now, Potter,” Draco told him.

“Truth.”

“Harry, explain what the 3am Club is,” Granger smiled innocently at him.

Cheeky witch blatantly already knows.

Potter sighed. “Malfoy and I took turns taking the 3am watch shift in order to wank whilst no one was around to catch us.” He grimaced and added, “Which you already knew; you just wanted to make me admit it out loud.”

“I did,” she agreed as Draco laughed.

“Your turn, Granger.”

She eyed him nervously. “Truth.”

“One time when I relieved you from watch duty, there was a wet patch by a tree. You couldn’t look me in the eye after I pointed it out… Care to explain how it got there?”

Her eyes widened in panic, but she couldn’t stop herself from saying, “I use the Aguamenti Spell to get myself off.”

Thank you, Veritaserum!

“Fuck,” he exclaimed as his mind was bombarded with mental images.

Potter seemed to be stuck in a state of shock; he opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but then shook his head and closed it again.

Granger grabbed a cushion to hide behind; he didn’t think he had ever seen her blush so furiously.

Incredible game choice, Draco, well done.

“Your turn,” Granger growled, throwing the cushion at him.

He snatched it out of the air and placed it over his crotch… for no reason in particular.

“Dare,” he winked at her.

She smirked triumphantly, which immediately made his groin pulse. “I’m feeling a bit under the weather,” she gave him a mock pout, “I could really do with a Healer; be a good boy and put on the Muggle Healer costume you bought.”

Fucking hell.

~~~~~~~~

Severus Snape

“PHINEAS!” he yelled, getting thoroughly irritated at being ignored. Severus was one second away from taking the frame off the wall and shaking it.

Bloody Portraits.

Rodolphus chuckled as he examined the Elder Wand. “I still can’t believe you robbed the grave of Albus Dumbledore.”

“Technically I didn’t rob it; I made Minerva do it whilst I kept watch,” he huffed.

“I bet she was pleased about that,” Rodolphus laughed, twirling the wand around his fingers.

“Put it down before you set something on fire!”

Everyone is determined to get on my last nerve this evening.

Phineas ran into his frame, looking positively ecstatic. “What do you want?! I can’t stay!”

Severus raised an eyebrow at the Portrait. “Why?”

“They’re playing a game of Truth or Dare with Veritaserum!” He squealed. “Did you know the Muggle-born burned the Malfoy boy’s penis with her body wash?! She must have hexed it.”

Genius move on Granger’s part, really…

Rodolphus burst out laughing. “Quick, Severus, hurry up and say what you need to! Phineas needs to get back! Tomorrow’s update is going to be a good one, I can tell.”

“Can you confirm to them that Mr. Malfoy was correct, and we are now in possession of the Elder Wand.”

“Absolutely, although not tonight; they’ve had a few too many Metropolitans.”

“Metropolitans?” Rodolphus questioned.

“Muggle drinks, makes them sing songs about orgies… Anyway, must be off.” He ran out of the frame.

“I will be back here tomorrow, bright and early!” Rodolphus declared, looking delighted.

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

Seeing Malfoy sitting on the sofa in a latex nurse costume was an image that could live rent-free in her mind forever. He had managed to adjust it to fit, although the skirt was leaving nothing to the imagination. For Harry’s sake, she was glad he’d decided to wear a pair of boxers.

“Stop looking so pleased with yourself,” he huffed at her.

She chuckled, turning to Harry. “Your turn.”

“Dare.”

Oh this is too easy.

“Malfoy has been a really bad boy. Harry, you better go and put on the Muggle Auror outfit.”

Malfoy looked positively delighted as Harry gave her an unimpressed look.

“I see how it is. I thought we would stick together and gang up on Malfoy, but you just declared war.”

When Harry returned in the latex policewoman outfit, she laughed so hard that actual tears fell down her cheeks.

“I’m going to gift this memory to Ginny,” she declared.

“Don’t you dare! We had an agreement,” he said quickly.

“Come on, Granger, your turn,” Malfoy prompted.

She debated saying truth again, but that had been extremely humiliating the last time. The prospect of a dare terrified her, but at least there were no costumes left.

“Dare.”

Harry gave a triumphant grin. “Go and put on your school uniform. I know you keep it in your trunk.”

God dammit, Harry!

When she returned, she found them both smirking at her. She frowned; it wasn’t like they hadn’t both seen her in this uniform many times before.

“Needs some adjustments, don’t you think, Potter?” Malfoy asked lazily.

“Yep,” he replied.

Oh no…

“What are you…” she began as Malfoy started flicking his wand. Her jumper vanished, her shirt neckline was suddenly obscene, her skirt shot up by at least six inches, and her knee-high socks became thigh-high.

“Blue underwear today. Potter, you owe me five Galleons.”

“What?!” She stared at Harry.

“To be fair, we’ve had this bet every day, and Malfoy very rarely manages to prove who is right. Let’s allow him this one,” Harry told her.

Malfoy looked triumphant as he said, “My turn, and I choose truth.”

Harry looked thoughtful for a second. “What do you like best about Hermione?”

Hermione shot Harry an unimpressed look and waited for the inevitable comments about some part of her body.

“Her bravery and compassion.”

Her eyes snapped to Malfoy in surprise. For the first time that night he actually looked uncomfortable, and it had nothing to do with the rather tight latex nurse outfit.

“It doesn’t matter how scared or intimidated she is; she faces situations head-on, and even though she had every reason to hate me, she showed me compassion when I needed it the most.”

Harry looked very satisfied with himself. “Interesting.”

Hermione was quite sure her brain was malfunctioning, as she couldn’t come up with a single logical thought, and her heart was pounding so violently in her chest that it was likely the whole room could hear it. Malfoy watched her cautiously, as though she might bolt.

“Truth,” Harry said, breaking the silence.

“Have you ever fancied Granger?” Malfoy asked him with a smirk.

“Yes,” he replied with an embarrassed grimace.

“Harry!” That brought her back to the present.

He groaned, “You looked really hot at the Yule Ball.”

Malfoy laughed. “Have to agree with him there; you took a lot of us by surprise that night. Truth or Dare, Granger?”

“Dare.”

“Hmm,” Malfoy looked thoughtful.

“Kiss Malfoy,” Harry declared out of nowhere.

What?!

Hermione looked at Harry in shock, but he just shrugged. “What? You said dare; I dare you to kiss Malfoy.”

She looked at Malfoy, who was watching her expectantly. “You’re not going to back out of a dare, are you, Granger?”

Absolutely not!

There was something about being taunted that ignited a fire in her; she wanted to wipe that smug expectant look right off his face. Harry wanted her to kiss Malfoy? Well, he didn’t say where or how, so she looked him up and down for a second, trying to make up her mind.

I need to do what he would least expect.

Once she had decided, a look of determined amusement settled on her face. Malfoy’s eyebrows pulled together as she stood up and made her way towards him; he was clearly trying to work out what she had planned.

“How do you want me?” he asked. He was trying to be his snarky self, but Hermione detected an undercurrent of nerves.

“Shut up.” She lowered herself onto his lap, straddling him, and his hands rested hesitantly on her thighs.

“Bloody hell.” She heard Harry stand up as though he was going to leave.

“Oh no, sit down,” she told him, pointing at the chair. “You dared me to do this; now you get to witness it.”

“I have regrets,” he mumbled.

Hermione turned back to Malfoy, who for once in his life, was doing what he was told and had indeed ‘shut up.’ She brushed her hand up his cheek and into his hair, gripping it firmly and pulling his head back to expose his neck. As she leaned forward, a hard bulge pressed into her core, which created a rather nice friction. He groaned loudly as she lowered her mouth to the side of his neck and kissed her way up towards his ear, flicking her tongue against his skin occasionally as she went. She finished off her dare by going the extra mile and biting his ear. Satisfied that he was sufficiently wound up, she stood and returned to her seat feeling very pleased with herself.

Malfoy swallowed as he turned his intense gaze back to her. “That was a bit more than just a kiss, Granger.”

She shrugged. “It felt like you enjoyed it.”

“Bloody hell,” Harry muttered again, downing what was left of his drink. “I’m done celebrating; good night all.” He scampered from the room, leaving her and Malfoy alone.

“Truth.”

She frowned at him. “You want to keep playing?”

He raised his eyebrows, so she took a moment to think.

“Is the way you treat me just a fun game?”

“No, it’s not a game,” he looked away and took another drink. “Maybe at the beginning, but it’s not a game anymore.”

Huh…

Her core pulsed with need as she processed those words. Was he saying that he wanted her? It definitely seemed that way.

He gave her an expectant look.

“Truth,” she barely more than whispered.

“Do you want to kiss me properly?”

“Yes.”

“Well, get the fuck over here and do it.”

Her body answered his command without any thought on her part, and when she was in front of him, he pulled her onto the sofa and proceeded to push her down until she was flat on her back with him hovering above her.

“For the record, Granger, I have wanted to do this for quite a while, and it’s definitely not a game to me.” He leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers. She moaned as the weight of him pushed her into the sofa; it felt so good. His lips coaxed hers open, and his tongue swept in, moving against her own in a dance that she had only done a couple of times before. An insistent flutter erupted in her stomach as she stroked her hands up his arms, along his neck, and into his hair.

God, his hair is so soft.

She tugged at it gently, and he moaned into her mouth, turning their kiss into a frenzied clash of tongues. His hands began exploring her body, and she gasped in surprise as he squeezed her breast, tensing before she could stop herself.

He pulled back. “What’s the matter?” he panted, looking at her with concern-filled eyes.

“I just haven’t… you know.”

“We don’t have to do anything more tonight.” He nuzzled her neck, nipping gently whilst moving his hands to safer territory.

A rush of disappointment welled in her at his words; she did want more. She’d never felt so alive; the tensing had only come about because she was nervous. The kisses he worshipped her neck with sent shivers through her body, and his weight bearing down on her made her feel safe.

I feel safe.

I feel safe with Malfoy.

When did this happen?

“I want to,” she breathed.

Hermione heard a shallow breath escape him as he whispered, “Dare,” in her ear. She swallowed, not knowing what he wanted her to say.

Luckily, he made it easy for her.

“Dare me to go down on you, Granger.”

She whimpered, “Yes.”

“Thank fuck.”

“Take the nurse outfit off. It’s distracting,” she rasped.

Malfoy chuckled as he pushed himself up and pulled the nurse outfit over his head, leaving him in a pair of black boxers. He captured her mouth again in a desperate kiss that sent her reeling. She felt him move on top of her, using his legs to move hers apart so he could settle between them. She had never been in this position before; she could feel his erection pushing against her core as he started kissing his way down her body. Hermione closed her eyes, focusing on how his mouth felt on her skin. He skimmed around her breasts, gently pulling up her shirt in order to trace kisses down her stomach. Her back arched involuntarily towards him. Everything was burning; the pulsing throb between her legs was almost unbearable. She swallowed nervously as he pushed up her school skirt and dragged down her underwear. She was practically panting in anticipation now, although a little anxiety was creeping in; she desperately hoped he wasn’t repulsed by what he saw.

He pushed her legs down flat so she was fully exposed, and then the most electrifying sensation shot through her body as he swiped his tongue through her folds in one long lick.

“Fuck!” She jolted.

He chuckled as he closed his mouth over her and began sucking and licking her clit. She lost all coherent thought as wave after wave of pleasure pulsed through her, making her whole body tremble and twitch. He kept a relentless pace, never giving her a moment of reprieve. The only time he pulled back was to swipe his tongue in long strokes through her folds before circling her clit once more. Moans escaped her as she wriggled, willing him to do something more. She had no idea what else she needed, but her body ached for it. As if sensing that she desperately needed release, Malfoy pressed his tongue firmly against her clit and circled faster. Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the sofa.

“Don’t stop,” she panted as the pressure built. “God, this is so much better than an Aguamenti.”

He chuckled again, managing to send vibrations into all the right places. She tensed as her body began spasming uncontrollably. Malfoy gently coaxed her through the orgasm before moving back up her body and kissing her slowly. She felt boneless, all she could do was lay there in shock as he smiled against her mouth.

“Truth or dare?” he asked as he kissed her again.

“Dare.”

He gently took hold of her hand and guided it between them towards the hard bulge in his boxers. “Make me cum.”

A shallow breath escaped her as she slid her hand into his boxers and gripped him firmly. Malfoy’s head fell forward and he groaned into her neck. Luckily, Lavender had been quite detailed in her descriptions of what to do in this situation, so Hermione quickly muttered the Lubrication Spell. Malfoy groaned again as she began moving her slick hand up and down his length. She started slow, using her finger to circle the head as she worked. His muscles began tensing and rippling, so she gripped him more firmly, moving her hand faster.

“Like this?” she whispered.

“Yes, just like that,” he rasped.

The angle was a bit awkward, and her arm started to ache, but she kept going, determined to complete her dare. Malfoy’s breath was hitching with every pump, his arms shaking on either side of her as he fought to support his body weight. She was quite surprised when he suddenly yelled out, and she felt something hot and wet spill into her hand.

Oh my god; I made him cum.

I made Malfoy cum.

Good job, Hermione!

Is it weird to feel pleased with yourself after?

“Fucking brilliant game of Truth of Dare,” he muttered, lowering himself on top of her and nuzzling his face into her neck.

Chapter Text

Draco Malfoy

Draco groaned as he opened his eyes; a Hangover Potion would be most welcome right about now. He flung an arm out, trying to find Granger, but all that met him was an empty bed.

That’s weird; she was definitely in here last night.

Granger had fallen asleep shortly after their exploratory session on the sofa. Draco had done the gentlemanly thing of carrying her up the stairs and tucking her into his bed. Of course, he could have put her in her own bed, but why would he do that when he could still taste her, still feel her skin on his, still feel her hand wrapped around his…

“Malfoy, are you planning on getting up today?” Potter pushed open his bedroom door and chucked a potion vial towards him. “Hangover Potion, you’re welcome.”

Saint Potter to the rescue.

“Potter, if you want to play Healer, you need to put on the nurse costume,” he mumbled, flinging his arm over his face and willing The Annoying One to go away.

“Do you really want me to show you up like that? We both know it would look better on me.”

Lies.

“Where’s Granger?”

“In my bath. She could be in yours, but the both of you are too bloody stubborn! Just remove the sodding hexes already!”

Draco peeped at Potter from under his arm and spotted him rolling his eyes.

He was a little nervous to ask his next question; he wasn’t entirely sure how Potter would react. “Did she say anything to you? About last night.”

Potter huffed a laugh. “She doesn’t need to; I caught her sneaking out of your bedroom. Anyway, why do you think I dared her to kiss you? I needed you both to get on with it so I don’t feel like I’m being suffocated with sexual tension every time I walk into a room.”

Huh.

“You’re ok with it then?” he questioned, still slightly stunned.

He shrugged. “If you hurt her, I will turn you into a ferret and keep you that way. You won’t have McGonagall to come to your rescue this time. In fact, McGonagall likes Hermione so much, she probably wouldn’t rescue you even if she did know.”

Fair enough.

“Noted.”

“Anyway, get up. Phineas has a message, and he is refusing to talk unless we are all there.”

“Fine.” He drank the Hangover Potion and walked to the bathroom. He actually welcomed the freezing cold water when it splashed onto his face; it helped him focus on something other than having his face buried between Granger’s thighs and the delightful noises she’d made whilst he was down there.

Once he was clean, he put on his new Muggle jeans, which fit a lot better than Potter’s, and a black hoody before making his way downstairs. Some very enticing smells were coming from the kitchen; Potter was clearly making some hangover food. Draco rather enjoyed the greasy sandwiches Potter made after they had been drinking, although he hoped his mother never found out about them; she would not be pleased.

“He’s alive!” Potter announced, sliding a bacon sandwich across the kitchen island towards him.

Granger looked up from the book she was reading. A faint blush graced her cheeks, and she flashed him a hesitant smile.

Draco dragged a chair towards her and sat far closer than he normally would, making sure his thigh was pressed into hers. He nudged her playfully. “Morning, Granger.”

“Morning,” she replied, trying and failing to fight off a smile.

“Right, Phineas…” Potter rested the Portrait against the cabinets… “We are all here; what do you have to report?”

“Oh, good morning!” Phineas winked at him in a suggestive way.

Draco narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

“I would have told you about this last night, but no one answered my muffled yells. Clearly, something much more important was going on…” Phineas paused, waiting for them to say something.

Draco took a bite out of his sandwich, whilst Granger and Potter silently stared at the Portrait.

… “Fineeee! Keep your secrets. Severus wants me to tell you that Mr. Malfoy’s theory was correct, and he has now secured the Elder Wand from the dead corpse of Albus Dumbledore.”

He could have left out the last part; definitely not the mental images I needed.

“That’s brilliant news!” Granger exclaimed. “The wand part I mean, not the stealing from a corpse part.”

She didn’t need to clarify that point, but it was cute.

Fuck…

“Yes, indeed, very good news. Anyway, I must be heading back. I was up late last night, and my other frame is more comfortable to nap in. Do you have any information to send back?”

“You can tell Snape that the cup has been destroyed,” Potter informed him.

“Wonderful. Well it’s been lovely.” Phineas abruptly left his frame without another word.

~~~~~~~~

Rodolphus Lestrange

“Why are you here so early?!” Severus snapped at him.

He can be so ungrateful at times.

I’ve gone out of my way to keep him company lately…

“I thought we could play with each other’s hair before the daily update,” Rodolphus replied with a sarcastic smile, lowering himself into an armchair.

Severus, ever one for dramatics, flung back his robes as he sat down muttering, “You are insufferable.”

“Can you teach me how to do that with my robes? It’s very dramatic, creates quite the impression.”

“If I tell you that the house-elves have acquired some new wine for the teachers, will you fuck off to the kitchens?”

You know me well, Severus, but not well enough!

Rodolphus pulled a bottle of wine from the inside pocket of his coat. “You can’t get rid of me that easily; I came prepared.”

Phineas chose that moment to swagger into his frame, looking like a Niffler who had just been given a vault full of gold. “Oh do I have a tale for you gentlemen,” he said with a laugh.

Excellent…

Rodolphus rubbed his hands together gleefully as Severus raised an eyebrow.

“Highlight of my day, Phineas; carry on,” Rodolphus instructed excitedly.

“So, our little friends decided to celebrate the destruction of Hufflepuff’s cup…” he began.

“It’s been destroyed then?” Severus cut in.

“Oh yes, I was supposed to tell you that, but it slipped my mind in light of everything else. So as I was saying, they were celebrating and got very drunk on Metropolitans. The Malfoy boy managed to persuade Potter and the Muggle-born to play Truth or Dare with Veritaserum.” He paused. “I think I already mentioned the penis-burning incident?”

Poor Draco…

“You did,” Rodolphus confirmed.

“Ok, so during the game of Truth or Dare, Potter admitted to starting a Wanking Club with Malfoy where they took it in turns to pleasure one another. I knew times were hard in the tent, no pun intended, but I didn’t realise they had gotten that desperate.”

Sounds like a fun Tuesday night to me…

“The Muggle-born then admitted to a very inappropriate use of the Aguamenti Spell; I won’t go into details, I’m sure you can use your imagination. Then they all ended up wearing uniforms and did some role-play, which seemed to involve a Healer who had done something bad being arrested by an Auror. The Muggle-born was dressed in her school uniform for some reason; I think she must have felt left out. Then Potter insisted that the Muggle-born kill the Malfoy boy, but upon seeing her shock decided that she should kiss him instead. Unfortunately, when Potter tried to join in, he got told to sit back down and watch. Anyway, the Potter boy got upset and left… and there were mainly just noises after that.”

“Fucking hell,” Rodolphus laughed.

“It is rather fascinating that Mr. Malfoy and Miss Granger are getting along so well; they couldn’t stand each other at school. I do hope I am there when Lucius finds out…” Severus added.

That will be a fucking incredible day.

“Me too,” he agreed eagerly.

“Well now that the daily update is concluded, you can leave.” Severus indicated rather rudely to the fireplace.

“No can do. The Dark Lord is off gallivanting again, so Bella could be anywhere. I’m staying put.”

“Indeed, Bellatrix could be anywhere, like right here in 20 minutes to discuss necromancy…” Severus glared at him.

Clearly still sore about that little joke.

“I see, well I wouldn’t want to interrupt that,” he declared as he stood.

He took the floo to Malfoy Manor; the chances of Bella being here whilst the Dark Lord was away were slim. Unfortunately, the moment he stepped out of the fireplace Bella approached him, followed closely by Rat-boy.

Well, fuck.

“Rodolphus,” Rat-boy squeaked.

“Rat-boy.”

Rat-boy bristled at the affectionate pet name.

“Come now, Rodolphus, be nice to Peter; he is one of the Dark Lord’s favourites,” Bella told him with a smirk. They both knew the Dark Lord couldn’t give a toss about Peter Fucking Pettigrew (yes, that is his full name), but the delusional idiot loved to hear otherwise.

“What can we blame for this visit, Rat-boy? Have you come to warm my wife’s bed whilst the Dark Lord is away?” Rodolphus smirked as Rat-boy looked frantically between himself and Bella, probably wondering if the next wizarding war was about to break out.

“Whilst the Dark Lord is out of the country, I am reporting to and helping Bellatrix.”

“Peter is going to run some errands for me.” His wife smiled in a way that said Rat-boy was going to sorely regret being tasked with such things.

“And what about Nagini? Surely you need to look after her whilst the Dark Lord is away.” Rodolphus saw an opportunity, and he took it. None of them had any idea where the damn snake had gone, maybe Rat-boy did.

“Nagini is fine; she is on an important assignment for the Dark Lord.”

“The Dark Lord sent his snake on an important assignment, but you get sent to pick up after Bella? That hardly seems fair.”

“Are you questioning the Dark Lord’s decisions?!” Rat-boy demanded. Bella raised an amused eyebrow at Rodolphus, clearly hoping he was about to talk himself into an early grave.

“No, merely pointing out how useless you appear to be, especially if a snake has been given an important mission, and you have not.”

“Nagini’s assignment is not that important! In fact, she is just keeping watch over a house; it’s hardly important at all.” Bellatrix shot Rat-boy a murderous look; clearly he’d just given away more information than he should have.

Interesting…

Rat-boy is just too delightfully easy to wind up.

Rodolphus nodded, “I see. So now you are calling Nagini unimportant.”

Rat-boy’s eyes widened in panic. “No! That’s not what I said. Her task is important; it’s just not putting her in danger.”

“And your task is putting you in danger?” He laughed. “I suppose my wife does like to randomly torture and murder people, don’t you, dear?”

“If you two are quite done, I have other things to be getting on with,” Bellatrix snapped angrily.

“Like what? Why are you even here at the Malfoy’s Manor?”

“Visiting my sister.”

He snorted. “We both know that’s not true.”

She shrugged. “The Snatchers delivered a prisoner here this morning; I was checking that everything had gone smoothly.”

I wonder if there is anything left of that prisoner…

“How kind of you.”

Bella grabbed Rat-boy rather roughly by the arm and dragged him to the fireplace. Once they were gone, Rodolphus made a move towards the dining room, fully intending to swipe a bottle of Firewhisky and have an enjoyable afternoon, but unfortunately that wasn’t to be…

“Rodolphus!” Lucius hissed from the doorway to his study. “Get in here; we have a problem!”

Even more reason to drink.

Rodolphus did as Lucius requested and joined him and Narcissa in the study. Luckily, Lucius kept quite a few bottles of wine in here. He tried to lift one in order to pour himself a goblet, but the bottle wouldn’t budge. He stared angrily at Narcissa, who was watching him in quiet satisfaction. “Did you stick these down?” he demanded.

“Yes. The corks are stuck too, just in case you decide to tip the whole table, which I wouldn’t put past you,” she replied proudly.

Urgh, this woman!

“Why?!”

“We need you coherent. There is a problem,” Narcissa told him, looking very serious again.

“Well I’m already one bottle in, may as well continue. I’m great at problem solving when I’m drunk.” He pulled another bottle from his robes and used his wand to send the cork flying across the room.

“There is a Weasley in my dungeon!” Lucius growled.

“Cellar!” Narcissa corrected.

“Why would you put a weasel in the dungeon-Cellar? Did it offend you?”

“Not a Weasel! A Weasley. Bloody hell, Rodolphus, are you sure you’ve only had one bottle?!”

“Unfortunately, definitely not enough to deal with a Weasley. Which one is it?” he asked.

“Ronald Weasley, runaway friend to Harry Potter!” Lucius snapped.

Rodolphus sunk into a chair, rubbing his head as Lucius explained. “The Snatchers brought him in this morning. We were planning on sneaking him out, but of course Bella felt the charm on the front gates activate when the Snatchers entered and showed up to get a report. So she knows there is an extra prisoner and what his description is. Thankfully, the boy had enough sense to at least change the colour of his hair and lie about his name, so no one suspects who he is. Bella appeared to be in a rush, so she didn’t waste her time checking. If we don’t find a way to get him out, his identity won’t stay secret for long. Peter lived as a rat in the boy’s house for years; he will definitely recognise him, brown hair or not. And if the Dark Lord gets a hold of him, he won’t hesitate to use Legilimency, and, unlike us, Ronald Weasley’s mind is wide open because that bloody school doesn’t teach Occlumency, and his parents abandoned the pureblood teachings a long time ago.”

“Shit.”

This was indeed, quite bad.

“Indeed.”

“Well I have a rather brilliant plan, but Narcissa is going to say no.”

Narcissa frowned at him.

“What is it?” Lucius asked cautiously.

“I’m going to host dinner at my place tonight; everyone is invited! And whilst we are out of the way, with a lovely alibi, we send Potter, the Muggle-born, and Draco in to bust him out.”

“Absolutely not. No one can know that Draco is still alive; it will put us all in danger,” Narcissa told him immediately.

So predictable.

“That and we are forbidden to leave the prisoners unattended, so one of us must remain, and whoever is here when they ‘bust him out’ will be blamed…” Lucius added.

They all knew what would happen to the person the Dark Lord deemed accountable for such an error.

“So we leave Rat-boy on watch; no one gives a shit about him, hopefully the Dark Lord will Avada him and do us all a favour. Just tell the Weasley boy to stay out of sight so he doesn’t get spotted through the peephole… we all know that Rat-boy is a peeper.”

“Peter will still recognise Draco,” Narcissa told him. “He has to stay behind.”

Now to reveal the genius part of my plan.

“They need him: he knows the layout of the Manor, what wards are used on the dungeon door, and a whole host of other things about this place that Potter and the Muggle-born don’t. Anyway, here is the genius part of the plan. They Polyjuice themselves as myself, Severus, and Bellatrix. Rat-boy won’t argue with us; they probably won’t even need to knock him out; he will be too shit-scared of Bella.”

“This has got to be the most ridiculous plan I’ve ever heard,” Narcissa told him.

“Let me drink this second bottle of wine, and I will come up with a much stupider one,” he winked at her.

“It’s fairly low risk,” Lucius reluctantly commented with a hesitant look at Narcissa.

Always willing to put his son in danger is our Lucius.

“No; we will come up with something else,” Narcissa insisted. “We need to consult Severus; he will know what to do.”

“Severus is stuck with Bella all afternoon, so unless you come up with a better plan in the next few hours, this is what we have. I trust you can inform the kids? They had a wild night last night, role-play was involved, so be gentle with them.” He grinned at Lucius; the man was in for the shock when he realised his precious son was playing all kinds of fun games with a Muggle-born.

“Where are you going?” Narcissa asked as Rodolphus chugged what was left of his wine and slammed the empty wine bottle onto the side table.

“To visit Severus again. Twice in one day; he is a lucky man! Well maybe not lucky, Bella is with him at the moment, but it gives me a good opportunity to steal one of her hairs for the Polyjuice.”

“Can’t you just take one from her hairbrush?” Lucius questioned.

“You think she brushes that monstrosity on the top of her head?!” He shook his head at Lucius in disappointment.

~~~~~~~~

Severus Snape

“Hope you don’t mind me popping in unannounced!” Rodolphus slurred as he stumbled through the fireplace again.

Who have I pissed off enough to deserve this?

Bella snarled at him, “What do you want?”

“Lovely to see you too, love of my life.” In a truly surprising move, Rodolphus grabbed Bellatrix’s head and pulled it against his chest in an… embrace? It looked more painful than nurturing.

How much has he had to drink since leaving here an hour ago!?

“Get off me!” Bella hissed, shoving Rodolphus away.

“Ah, that takes me back to our wedding night,” Rodolphus retorted.

Severus had to fight very hard not to laugh.

“Rodolphus, Bella and I are rather busy. Why are you here?”

“To invite you both to dinner, of course. I have decided it is high time we host everyone at Lestrange Manor. The house-elves are ecstatic, so I’m afraid I can’t take no for an answer.”

What was he playing at…

He hates his Manor…

“Whatever,” Bellatrix huffed.

“Excellent. Darling, would you mind if we borrow Rat-boy to keep watch at the Malfoy’s place? Can’t leave the prisoners unattended.”

“Fine, get out.”

Rodolphus walked over to him. “Severus, I do hope you are trying your best on this necromancy business; it is very important.”

Severus watched in horror as Rodolphus reached out a hand and rested it on his shoulder.

Why is he touching me?

He never touches me.

I don’t like physical contact; he knows this.

“We are working hard on this task for the Dark Lord,” he replied stiffly. As Rodolphus removed his hand, Severus felt one hair from his scalp go with it. There was only one reason you would take a hair from someone.

If you are planning on Polyjuicing yourself as me, I swear to Salazar, Rodolphus, I will hex you into the next century!

He was quite sure that the mental threat was received loud and clear by Rodolphus, but as per usual, Rodolphus didn’t give a flying fuck about it. The idiot just smiled at him.

“Why are you still here?!” Bellatrix demanded.

Rodolphus chuckled. “See you tonight, 7pm; don’t be late!”

I need to find out what is going on…

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

This can’t be happening.

“I know this is a lot to process, my dears, but we really don’t have much time. If there was any other way…”

Hermione stared at the vials of Polyjuice sitting on the coffee table, each labelled with a different name. They were being asked to Polyjuice themselves as Death Eaters, go to Malfoy Manor, potentially incapacitate Peter Pettigrew, break through the Cellar wards, and rescue Ron.

It’s insane…

“It’s fine, Mrs. Malfoy, we can do this.” Harry looked determined.

Of course Harry is on board with this stupid plan…

Harry was notorious for jumping into action without thinking things through. She knew he would jump at the chance to do this, not just because he would be rescuing Ron, but because he would actually get to do something. He was bored. He had been suggesting random things for weeks; like going to visit Godric’s Hollow because he had a feeling.

“Granger, what are you thinking?” Malfoy was watching her carefully.

“I will do what needs to be done to ensure that Ron is safe, but this just seems a bit…” She couldn’t find the word.

“Over the top?” Malfoy supplied for her.

“Yeah?”

“I know,” Narcissa sighed. “Rodolphus gave me three hours to come up with a better plan, but I just can’t think of something that can be achieved tonight and keeps everyone safe. No one apart from Peter will be at the Manor after 7pm; it should be fairly straightforward. Just in and out.”

Things are never straightforward.

“We obviously need you for this,” Hermione addressed Malfoy. “What do you think?” she asked him.

“It’s insane, but I expected nothing less when I joined a party of Gryffindors.” He gave Hermione a reassuring smile. “Let’s rescue Weasley. He has to like me after this, right?”

“Wouldn’t count on it.” Harry gave them both a pointed look.

God, I don’t want to have that talk…

I don’t even know what me and Malfoy are…

Are we a thing?

We should probably talk about that.

Harry cleared his throat, bringing her back to the present.

Malfoy was observing her carefully again; she felt her cheeks flush.

Narcissa rose from her chair. “I have to head back. Aim to arrive at the Manor around 7.15pm. If for some reason you change your mind, we will try and find another way…”

Hermione could tell, by the look on Narcissa’s face, that she didn’t think there would be another way; time was of the essence. They couldn’t risk Ron being transported to the Ministry to stand trial; he would definitely be discovered.

I’m going to have some serious words with Ronald Weasley when this is over.

Chapter Text

Severus Snape

“This is the most ridiculous plan I have ever heard! How much had Rodolphus drunk when he came up with it?!” he demanded of Lucius and Narcissa.

Deep breaths, Severus, take deep breaths.

“Look, you were busy; I had to come up with something quick, and this is what we have.” Rodolphus actually smiled at him as though this plan wasn’t idiotic… “And I was only slightly drunk when I came up with it.”

“Maybe we should call it off. I can apparate to Draco and tell them to forget the plan,” Narcissa said, looking worried.

“There is no time for that; it’s nearly 7pm, and we need to go! Stop fretting; everything will be fine,” Rodolphus insisted.

“This is seriously the best you could come up with?! Draco is supposed to be dead, Miss Granger will be extensively tortured if she is caught, and Mr. Potter… Well, we all know how badly the Dark Lord wants him! And you thought it would be a good idea to bring them all here to conduct a rescue?! If you had informed me of the situation, I could have told the Order! Molly Weasley would have burned this whole place to the ground to get her son out!” Snape exclaimed angrily.

This cannot be happening.

“As I said, there wasn’t time! It has to be tonight, and you were busy with Bella. The kids will be Polyjuiced. Rat-boy will shit his pants and do what he is told when he sees the Muggle-born walk in disguised as my wife. It’s all going to be…” Rodolphus cut off abruptly as Peter Pettigrew stepped through the fireplace.

“Nothing left to discuss; what’s done is done,” Lucius sneered, heading towards the doors.

“Perhaps I should stay…” Narcissa began, but Rodolphus took her arm and propelled her forwards. At least Severus was in agreement that they would all need to be elsewhere whilst this ‘rescue’ took place. The Dark Lord would likely murder whoever he deemed responsible, which in this case would be Pettigrew.

Severus eyed Pettigrew as he made his way slowly to the doors, contemplating the sad excuse of a man. Peter Pettigrew was how the Dark Lord had found the Potters; the Secret Keeper who did not keep their most valuable secret. Severus mostly blamed himself for Lily’s murder, but he could not ignore that Pettigrew played a key part in it too. No, Severus decided, he did not feel in the slightest bit guilty that Pettigrew would likely be killed as punishment.

“Severus,” Pettigrew greeted cautiously.

“Any problems tonight, summon me.” He tapped his finger on his forearm just above the Dark Mark. Chances were that Pettigrew would summon Bellatrix first, but Severus had to try.

“Of course. I’m sure everything will be fine,” he simpered, bowing his head.

If this goes wrong, I’m going to personally see to it that any alcohol Rodolphus touches turns to water.

Not that he would get the chance. If things went wrong, they would likely all be dead by morning.

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

It was weird looking into a mirror and seeing Rodolphus staring back; he hoped this little mission would be over quickly. If he had to re-dose, he would almost certainly need the toilet at some point, and that would mean facing a reality that he really did not want to face.

I am not holding an old man’s dick…

Would it be Rodolphus’s dick or mine?

Technically it would be mine, made to look like his…

Weird however you think about it, and why does my whole body ache?!

Is it like this for everyone as you get older or just Rodolphus?

Draco cringed as Granger, Polyjuiced as Auntie Bella, joined him at the mirror and peered closely at her face. She poked it a few times and smoothed back the masses of unruly black hair with a huff.

Honestly, you’d think she would be used to unruly hair by now.

At least Granger’s curly hair was soft and well cared for; Bella’s could quite possibly have an animal living in it.

“Ready?” she asked, reaching to take his hand.

“What are you doing?” He moved out of the way.

“They’re married, aren’t they?”

“Not happily… they definitely don’t hold hands.”

“Oh, right.”

Draco fixed her with a stare, which seemed more sinister coming from Rodolphus’s face; he blamed the wrinkles. “Granger, remember you need to play the part tonight. Bella demands everything; she doesn’t apologise, she doesn’t explain herself, and if she doesn’t get what she wants, she takes it by force.”

“I only need to fool Peter Pettigrew. I think I can manage that.”

“I know you can.” He smiled in reassurance, but, once again, Rodolphus’s face made the expression seem intimidating. Now would probably have been a good time to kiss her, but her looking like his Aunt, who had repeatedly tortured him, was a big turn-off. “I would kiss you, but you look rather repulsive right now.”

“So do you.” She patted him on the shoulder, looking awkward.

“Bloody hell, Snape’s body literally feels like it’s been run over by a hoard of stampeding hippogriffs,” Potter grumbled as he joined them.

All old people, then.

“We should get going; it’s time,” Granger noted, looking at the clock above the fireplace.

“Ok, so we apparate to the Leaky Cauldron, march through like we own the place, and take the floo to the Manor. Do not talk to anyone. I can guarantee no one will try and talk to us, so it should be quick and easy,” he told them.

“I still can’t believe your Manor is connected to the Leaky Cauldron,” Potter scoffed.

“Rodolphus basically lives with us, so of course it’s connected to the Leaky Cauldron. He insisted. It’s also connected to The Three Broomsticks and The Seedy Sphinx, which is a rather dodgy place in Knockturn Alley… mother doesn’t know about that one.” If his mother ever did find out, Draco was quite sure that Dolores Umbridge wouldn’t be the only risk to Rodolphus’s balls.

Once they had left the safety of the cottage, the nerves kicked in, and he found himself trying to find excuses for them to go back. Even though this rescue mission should be fairly straightforward, it was still a risk, a fairly unnecessary risk in Draco’s opinion.

Why did Weasley have to go and get caught by Snatchers?!

Weasley should have stayed in hiding and joined the fight when the time came. Unfortunately, he was one of the more headstrong Gryffindors, who lacked the mental capacity to actually think something through before acting. Further proof that he had only survived their school years due to Granger’s brilliance.

Potter and Granger gripped an arm each, and Draco apparated them to the apparition point just outside the Leaky Cauldron. He took a deep breath and before he could change his mind, marched forward, pushing both doors open for dramatic effect. It was probably something Rodolphus would do.

The pub patrons stopped what they were doing to stare as the three of them entered. Draco wasted no time in walking purposefully towards the fireplace. He saw Granger straighten her back and stare determinedly ahead of her, avoiding all eye contact. Auntie Bella would probably take pleasure in terrifying a few people, but this haughty version would do just fine.

“After you, my dear,” he sneered, indicating that Granger should go into the fireplace first. Draco didn’t want her to enter the Manor first, but it would look odd if his Aunt didn’t; everyone knew she was the Dark Lord’s second-in-command and was not known to follow.

Granger roughly grabbed the Floo powder and stepped forward, lifting her chin in the air so she could look down her nose at the patrons before disappearing into the flames.

Draco followed quickly after her, shouting ‘Malfoy Manor’ and experiencing the usual gut-wrenching, spinning sensation as he was transported away.

“My back,” he groaned as he bumped straight into Granger, who, apparently, had only taken one step out of the fireplace before stopping. He observed her looking around the entrance hall with wide eyes; Draco supposed the Manor would look rather grand if you had never seen it before.

Potter came staggering out of the fireplace a second later, also rubbing his back. “I think I pulled something,” he groaned.

“Mistress Lestrange! Why are you back so soon? Is something wrong?” Peter Pettigrew scampered over to them, looking mildly alarmed.

“We’ve come to take the new prisoner, Pettigrew,” Draco announced in his best impersonation of Rodolphus. He even added a slur to his words, figuring that at this time of night Rodolphus would normally be a bottle or two in.

“Thought it might be fun to question them over dinner.” Granger let out a high-pitched laugh like some hag from Knockturn Alley.

Pettigrew laughed nervously. “I see.”

“Move, or I will move you.” Granger shoved Pettigrew aside a second later before he had a chance to react, again with her chin in the air, because apparently that was her way of portraying how above everyone she was.

“Allow me to lead the way, darling.” He brushed past her as she hesitated near the winding staircase.

“Are you ok, Severus?” Pettigrew sounded scared.

Draco spun around to see Potter staring murderously at Pettigrew. “Oh, don’t mind Severus; he ate a dodgy hors d’oeuvre. Bella plans to murder all the house-elves for the shame it brought upon our House.”

He saw Granger’s mouth drop open in outrage, but she managed to stop herself from coming to the rescue of the fake house-elves.

“Right,” Potter ground out.

Draco thought that was the end of it, but when Pettigrew turned his back, Potter stunned him, and the bloke face planted the marble floor.

Ha, didn’t know Potter had it in him.

“Harry!” Granger exclaimed.

“He deserves a lot more; I only stunned him,” Potter grumbled.

“Right, well, at least we don’t need to worry about him for a while. Let’s go and rescue the ginger idiot,” Draco said, leading them down the staircase to the dungeon.

“Do not call him that to his face,” Potter warned.

Draco smirked as he and Granger set to work disabling the wards on the dungeon door.

“I can’t believe you grew up here,” Potter muttered. “You could fit my entire Muggle house into your entrance hall alone.”

Draco huffed. “It may look like a wonderful place to grow up, but trust me when I say there are memories here that I would much rather forget.”

“Will you come back here when all this is over?” Granger asked.

“I don’t know; I haven’t thought that far ahead. I didn’t even think I would live this long, to be honest.”

The wards on the door came down easy enough; they pushed it open and came face to face with the dreamy gaze of Luna Lovegood.

“Luna!” Granger and Potter exclaimed in surprise.

Draco was also surprised; no one had mentioned that Lovegood was being kept in the dungeon. Ollivander was still here, laying with his back propped against a wall in a far corner with a goblin sitting next to him.

Where did the goblin come from?!

A grunt suddenly escaped Potter as a brunette idiot leapt on his back from behind the door.

“Ron, it’s me!! Get off, it’s Harry!”

Granger held her hands up to show the annoying man-child she meant no harm. “Ron, it’s Hermione! Let Harry go; did Rodolphus or Narcissa not warn you we would look like this?”

“What is my Patronus?” the brunette idiot demanded.

“Jack Russell Terrier,” Granger answered immediately.

Figures…

Weasley released Potter and immediately began begging him and Granger for forgiveness. “I’m so sorry I left! I…”

“No time for that!” Granger cut him off before turning her gaze on Draco. “We need to get everyone out.”

Draco inwardly groaned; he knew this was coming. There was no way Granger and Potter were going to leave people behind, especially Lovegood, who they bloody adored.

Bloody fucking Gryffindors.

The plan was to grab Weasley, put him under the Invisibility Cloak, and exit the way they came. They couldn’t apparate; only a Malfoy or a person added to the blood wards could apparate within the grounds of the Manor. If that happened everyone would feel it, including Auntie Bella, and it would be a dead giveaway that he might be alive after all. Draco could not put his family in danger like that, but they also couldn’t take this many people under the Invisibility Cloak. They would have to make multiple trips back and forth through the pub, and that would look extremely suspicious. It would also take too long. Who knew how long Pettigrew would be out for; he might catch them.

Fuck.

“Urgh, we can’t take them all,” Draco pleaded in frustration. This earned him a scowl from Weasley, which was laughable considering it was his fault they were in this mess. “It will take too long to transport them individually through the Leaky Cauldron using the cloak, and the patrons will get suspicious if we keep going backwards and forwards for no apparent reason.”

“Malfoy’s right…”

Thank you, Granger!

… “We need to come up with another way.”

No! Fuck it all.

“How far do the apparition wards stretch?” Potter asked him.

“About a mile past the main gate,” he said. “But the moment any of us touch the main gate, Auntie Bella will know. She cast a Detection Charm on them so that she would be alerted when the Snatchers bring in new prisoners.”

“Shit,” Potter exclaimed.

“You should get yourselves out,” Ollivander called from the wall. “Take Luna, but leave me and Griphook; we will only slow you down.”

Griphook wasn’t very happy with this suggestion. “You do realise that when Bellatrix finds out that some of the prisoners are gone, the ones that are left will be tortured and killed!” he shrieked.

“We’re not leaving anyone,” Potter declared like the suicidal idiot he was.

“We are wasting time; the floo is the only way. Does it go anywhere else?” Granger asked him.

“The other pubs I mentioned and the headmaster’s office at Hogwarts.”

“The headmaster’s office could work,” Granger said. He could see her mind calculating all the different scenarios as she decided on a plan. “We can hide in the Room of Hidden Things, within the Room of Requirement, until Snape can get us out.”

“Fine, works for me. Let’s go,” Potter declared.

Just as they turned towards the dungeon door it slammed shut with an almighty bang, causing Draco’s heart to practically explode out of his chest. Cold dread seeped through his body as the voice of Peter Pettigrew echoed down the staircase outside. “You know, your first mistake was calling me Pettigrew! Rodolphus just loves to call me Rat-boy.”

Shit.

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck.

“Fuck, how weak was that Stunning Spell?! It only knocked him out for 10 minutes!” Draco hissed at Potter.

“I hit him hard!” Potter insisted.

“Not hard enough.” Draco dragged a hand through Rodolphus’s hair and promptly got it stuck; it was a lot longer and less maintained than his own.

“What do we do?” Granger asked, sounding scared.

It sent a nauseous feeling rolling through him; he knew what would happen to her if she was caught. There was no way Draco could let that happen, not now.

“Blast the door open,” Potter instructed, but Draco grabbed his arm.

“Don’t be an idiot. Re-enforce the door, put shields around it… do whatever you can to keep it in place. Bellatrix is coming, if she isn’t here already.”

“Oh God,” Granger whimpered as she raised her wand and began casting spells.

Think, Draco, you need to think…

“Everyone, get as far away from the door as possible.” He ushered them behind a pillar. It didn’t offer much protection, but at least Lovegood and Ollivander were out of harm's way.

“Mate, you have to apparate! I’m so sorry to ask, and I know it will put your family in danger, but there are four of them against Bellatrix and Wormtail. They will be ok,” Potter implored him.

Urgh…

“Fuck,” Draco growled. He knew there was no other way, and it made him feel sick to his stomach. If anything happened to his mother, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

Weasley crouched next to him. “You can take Luna, Ollivander, and the goblin to Shell Cottage in Pembrokeshire; they will be safe there.”

Draco huffed a stressed breath, trying to muster the courage. If he did this, there was a strong chance a lot of people he loved would die. However, if he didn’t do this, they would likely die anyway. He looked at Granger, who was studying him with watery eyes. It was odd seeing so much emotion on Bellatrix’s face.

“If you can’t, it’s ok,” she told him quietly.

Urgh, why is she so perfect?!

A loud explosion came from above them, followed by a lot of shrieking and thunderous footsteps. That could only mean one thing; Auntie Bella had arrived, and she was angry. Draco wondered what Rodolphus, Snape, and his parents made of it all; his mother was probably on the verge of a panic attack. He groaned. There wasn’t time to hesitate; he had to act now and hope that the others could handle the rest.

“Hold on to me,” he told Lovegood, Ollivander, and Griphook. They immediately grabbed hold, and he apparated them to Shell Cottage in Pembrokeshire.

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

Her heart broke as she watched Malfoy disappear with Luna, Ollivander, and the goblin in tow. She knew how hard that decision must have been for him; he would do anything to protect his mother, and he had just put her at risk for them.

Another loud bang rattled the dungeon door, making her flinch. She shrunk back against Harry with her wand held up in front of her. Harry and Hermione had positioned themselves in front of Ron who, without his wand, would be useless right now.

“They’re breaking through,” Ron announced, like that wasn’t completely obvious.

God, I hope Malfoy comes back soon.

“Get ready,” Harry told her.

Another blast against the door rattled the iron hinges and dislodged some dust, which floated down in a swirling motion towards the floor.

Another blast sent splinters of wood flying towards them, but still the door held.

Another blast, and the whole thing shattered.

Hermione shrieked in alarm as she cast a shield in front of them. A maniacal-looking Bellatrix Lestrange scrambled over the debris, blasting spells at them and shrieking things Hermione couldn’t make out. The shields were holding, but it was not without cost; both her and Harry were shaking from the bombardment. Bellatrix was relentless in her assault. Hermione could see Snape and Rodolphus casting spells alongside Bellatrix, although theirs barely made a dent or conveniently missed the intended target. Lucius and Narcissa kept their wand arms up but didn’t make a move to cast any spells; instead, they kept shooting each other desperate glances, clearly at a loss on what to do.

Come on, Malfoy…

“You dare to disguise yourself as me!” Bellatrix roared, sending another spell at Hermione, which bounced off the shield.

“Bellatrix, wait,” Narcissa pleaded, desperately tugging on her arm. “They have shields; this is just wasting your energy.”

Bellatrix grabbed Narcissa by her neck and pushed her roughly against the wall, all the while screaming like a woman possessed. As her back was turned, Malfoy re-appeared, casting a tentative glance at what was going on from behind the pillar. She saw him mouth ‘get ready.’

He is going to apparate us out; everything is going to be ok.

Just breath; it’s all going to be fine.

“They do have shields, don’t they, Narcissa?” she heard Bellatrix say. “Shields are good for magic, but not so good against other weapons.”

Hermione’s eyes went wide as Bellatrix spun towards her, throwing a knife directly at her chest. She froze; everything seemed to run in slow motion as she watched the knife hurtling through the air. An odd thought flitted through her mind as she realised she was about to die; she wondered if Malfoy would look after Crookshanks for her. Hermione’s vision was suddenly obscured as something appeared in front of her, and before she could truly process what had happened, a body slammed down onto her lap with a pained grunt.

What…

“No,” Hermione breathed, looking at the knife protruding out of Malfoy’s chest.

Chapter Text

Hermione Granger

Blood began soaking through the robes Malfoy was wearing. She numbly went to touch the knife but stopped herself. She didn’t have anything to heal him with; if she attempted to take the knife out here, he might bleed to death. Her hands shook violently as she gently inspected the wound and brushed some of Malfoy’s hair away from his face. He grimaced as he peered up at her; at least he was still conscious; that was good, although there was no way he could apparate in this state. Panic coursed through her as she looked up desperately towards Narcissa, hoping she might be able to help. Hermione’s eyes were met with a blank, glazed-over stare; someone must have confunded her, probably to stop her from reacting when the knife hit her son.

It’s not supposed to end like this.

It can’t.

Just when she thought all hope was lost, Lucius Malfoy fixed his eyes on Harry and mouthed, ‘Dobby.’

“Dobby, I need you!” Harry hissed frantically.

A second later Dobby appeared in front of them; his wide eyes taking in the situation before him. Hermione had never felt relief like it; tears began pouring down her face as the small elf turned to Harry.

“Harry Potter summoned Dobby, and Dobby came right away! Why is you looking like that, Sir? And what is it you is needing?”

Hermione re-enforced the shield that Harry had managed to hold single-handedly whilst she was distracted.

“ELF! HOW DARE YOU BETRAY YOUR MASTERS!” Bellatrix screamed and began blasting spells at them with even more force than before.

“Get us out of here, Dobby, now!” Harry pleaded.

“With pleasure, Sir.” Dobby grabbed hold of Malfoy’s wrist; Malfoy didn’t make a noise, and Hermione was quite sure he was now unconscious. It was probably for the best; apparating with a knife in your chest was going to be nothing short of unpleasant. The rest of them grabbed on to the little house-elf, and a second later they landed in the kitchens at Hogwarts. Hermione, who had been kneeling with Malfoy cradled in her lap, winced as pain shot through her knees at the abrupt landing. Harry and Ron quickly helped to pull Malfoy up, supporting his unconscious weight between them as she scrambled to her feet.

“Dobby, can you take us to Rosemary Cottage, Fox Hill, Bath?” Hermione asked as Malfoy coughed, momentarily coming around before his head lolled to the side again.

Please don’t die.

“Right away.”

They landed in the living room of the cottage where Hermione immediately got to work. “Harry, get the Dittany. Ron, can you clean this blood away?” She severed Malfoy’s robes to see the wound properly. The knife was stuck just below his left shoulder. Hermione tried not to think about how close to his heart it was; she needed to stay focused.

“I will get some Blood Replenishing Potion and Pain Potion, Miss,” Dobby told her just before he disappeared.

Harry skidded back to her side, carrying the Dittany.

“Harry, take hold of the knife, and when I say, I want you to pull it out as quickly as you can.”

He nodded, looking rather pale. It didn’t help that they had started transforming back into themselves; the ripples coursing through her body felt extremely unpleasant. Malfoy’s breath kept hitching; she could only imagine how painful it must feel to be transforming whilst there was a knife sticking out of you.

“Now,” she commanded, and Harry pulled the knife free.

Malfoy screamed, shooting upwards.

“Ron, hold him down!” she yelled as Ron quickly wrestled him back to the ground so that Hermione could apply the Dittany.

It’s ok; it’s all going to be ok…

Once the wound was closed, Dobby began pouring the Blood Replenisher and Pain Potions down Malfoy’s throat. “I is bringing Dreamless Sleep too; it is best he rests,” Dobby told them.

“Let’s get him to the sofa,” Harry said, sliding his arms under Malfoy’s shoulders as Ron took his legs. Hermione arranged some pillows as they laid Malfoy down. She looked him over; he was pale, but his breathing was steady. Dobby was right; he needed rest; they all did.

Hermione fell back against the coffee table. The adrenaline pumping through her body was making her light-headed. Harry sank down next to her and pulled her against his chest, numbly stroking her hair.

“Dobby, I think everyone needs a hot drink,” the Portrait of Druella called softly from the dining room.

“Right away.”

~~~~~~~~

Rodolphus Lestrange

Rodolphus used the last bit of his strength to summon a half-drunk bottle of red wine that had been left on the dining room table. He groaned loudly as he lifted it to his mouth and drank deeply. Narcissa wordlessly watched him, making no attempt to scold or take the bottle away; that’s when you knew it was bad. The only one of them making any noise was Bella, who was currently pleading for forgiveness at the Dark Lord’s feet. Rodolphus was mildly impressed that she still had the energy after the relentless exposure to the Cruciatus Curse they had all just experienced.

Rodolphus felt a twinge of pity as he watched a silent tear fall down Narcissa’s face; he knew she desperately wanted to check on Draco. He had been forced to confund her when Draco had been impaled; otherwise, she would have run to her son and given them away. The whole thing had been a complete shit show, and it was all his fault. The only person who had not been punished was fucking Rat-boy, who was hovering behind the Dark Lord’s chair, looking positively gleeful.

If I survive this, I am going to Crucio the little fucker until he shits himself.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you all?” the Dark Lord spat, kicking Bella away.

Rodolphus knew this was one of those times when it was best to remain quiet; there wasn’t anything that he could say that wouldn’t enrage the Dark Lord more. Narcissa had the same idea. She just lay motionless, staring blankly at the table as the occasional tremor went through her body. Lucius remained silent too; Rodolphus watched a slow trickle of blood make its way down the man’s face.

“My Lord.”

Rodolphus’s eyes flicked to Severus as he downed what was left in the wine bottle.

“Allow us to make it up to you…”

“Make it up to me?” The Dark Lord rounded on him. It was terrifying; Rodolphus didn’t know how Severus didn’t cower under the intensity. “My prisoners were taken, and you have no idea who is responsible because they were all Polyjuiced as members of my highest ranking Death Eaters!”

The Dark Lord snarled before advancing on Lucius again. Lucius flinched.

“You also didn’t think to remove the access privileges of your old house-elf, a house-elf who has shown himself to be loyal to the Order!”

Lucius bowed his head to avoid eye contact.

“How could you possibly make this up to me?!”

Maybe a new nose…

Or another snake to fuck…

“We obtained something for you,” Severus said around a wince. Rodolphus couldn’t work out where he was going with this; he watched in pained curiosity. “That is why we were at Lestrange Manor this evening; we were celebrating. We managed to secure something for you which could change everything.”

Bella had enough sense to stay quiet even though she was clearly as confused by this as the rest of them.

“Tell me.” The Dark Lord crouched down in front of Severus.

“We have secured the Elder Wand.”

What the fuck is he doing?!

The Dark Lord lifted his chin, studying Severus intently. “Very few of my followers are aware that I have been looking into the Deathly Hallows; how did you discover it, and where is it now?”

Severus turned his head towards Rat-boy. “Some of your followers are not very good at keeping secrets.”

FUCK YES, SEVERUS!

HA! In your face, Rat-boy; how does a little Crucio before bed sound?!

“I have not spoken of that to anyone, my Lord!”

“Shut up, Wormtail! I will deal with you later.”

Yeah! Shut up Rat-boy; he’ll murder you later!

“The Elder Wand is secure in my office at Hogwarts; I will get it for you as soon as you command it. It turns out that Albus Dumbledore was the Master of the wand, having won it from Gellert Grindelwald during their notorious duel in 1945. It was actually Lucius who discovered this. Whilst reading an old book by Gilbert Roux, he recognised the wand as the one owned by Dumbledore. I managed to get confirmation from his Portrait, and… well… we had to do a bit of grave robbing, but I didn’t think you would mind…” Severus raised an eyebrow, and the Dark Lord began laughing. It was a horrible, screechy laugh that sent an unpleasant shiver up Rodolphus’s spine.

“Get it for me,” the Dark Lord commanded.

Severus shook as he pushed himself up from the floor. Rodolphus did not envy him having to travel by floo after multiple rounds of torture; Severus was going to need a lot of Pain Potion later.

Once Severus had left the room, the Dark Lord turned slowly to Lucius. “I thought you had lost your usefulness, Lucius; I was fully intending to kill you this evening. However, finding me the Elder Wand has earned you a pardon… this time.”

“I am immensely grateful, my Lord. I only wish to serve.”

Lucius better crack out the good wine tonight. It’s the least he can do after Severus just saved his arse.

Bella crawled towards the Dark Lord. “My Lord, come and sit down whilst we wait for Severus to return. Perhaps you would like some food?”

It would be sad if it wasn’t so fucking pathetic.

The Dark Lord obliged her whilst the rest of them remained sprawled on the floor. In reality it likely only took Severus five minutes to return with the Elder Wand, but it felt like years. Coldness from the stone floor seeped into Rodolphus’s bones, and the wine was doing nothing to help.

Severus staggered towards the Dark Lord with the Elder Wand clasped firmly in his hand. Rodolphus stared at it, again wondering why giving the Dark Lord a wand that most considered unbeatable was a good idea; it was an interesting move on Severus’s part. Surely it would have been better to let Lucius die than to hand over such a powerful weapon.

“Here, my Lord.” Severus handed over the wand, refusing to make eye contact with anyone else in the room.

The Dark Lord ran his spindly fingers across the long, wooden surface, as though he were feeling for imperfections. “I have learnt a lot about wand lore recently,” he said quietly.

Rodolphus and the others were already aware of this.

“There are two ways with which you can obtain a wand’s loyalty: either it chooses you, or you best its current Master and win it.” The Dark Lord lazily pointed the wand at Severus. “You killed Albus Dumbledore; therefore, I need to kill you in order to win the Elder Wand’s allegiance.”

Fuck.

“My Lord,” Severus remarked with a slight edge of panic. “I did indeed kill Albus Dumbledore, but he had already been disarmed. Therefore, the wand’s loyalty was already with another; I am not its Master.”

“Draco,” the Dark Lord mused, “So now that Draco is dead, the wand does not have a Master?”

“Indeed; that is correct,” Severus replied, still looking slightly uneasy with the wand pointed in his face.

“Well I am its Master now, and I will kill Harry Potter with this wand,” the Dark Lord declared triumphantly.

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

It must have been late when Draco awoke, finding himself back in the living room of the cottage. He briefly wondered if the whole thing had been a dream and tentatively raised a hand to feel below his shoulder where the blade had struck. The skin, although healed, was still sore, which confirmed to him that it had been very real. Draco couldn’t remember much after diving in front of the knife hurtling towards Granger’s heart.

Potter is never going to let me hear the end of this.

There was a movement next to him, and he looked down to see Granger sprawled on the floor with her head resting on the sofa near his hip. She was fast asleep but looked far from comfortable. Draco gently ran a hand through her curls, smoothing them back from her face.

Almost immediately, her eyes flew open and fixed on his. “You’re awake!” She pushed up. “How do you feel? Do you need anything?”

He chuckled. “I think we have just about everything we might need and more.” He nodded towards the coffee table, which was covered in drinks, plates of food, potions, blankets, magazines, clothes, and many other things.

“Oh,” she exclaimed in surprise. “Dobby must have done this after I fell asleep.”

“Dobby?” he frowned. “My old house-elf?”

“How much do you remember?” she asked.

“Not much after seeing the knife heading towards your chest.”

Granger swallowed and began explaining what had happened and how they had gotten out.

“You’ve heard nothing from my mother?” he asked, feeling a swirl of dread in his stomach.

“Snape managed to get back to his office briefly at around midnight. He passed a message via Phineas that they were all still alive; that’s all we know. I did send Narcissa a message via the Galleon, but I haven’t heard anything yet.” Granger gave him an apologetic look, handing him the Galleon to hold.

“Thank you for trying,” he said, peering down at it.

“Malfoy what you did…” Granger looked away, clearly trying not to cry… “You could have died.”

Urgh, no don’t do that.

“Granger, come up here.” He pulled back the blanket and turned onto his side, giving her room to join him on the sofa.

She did without complaint; it was nice feeling her body pressed against his. “You know, I’m very disappointed,” he muttered in her ear.

“Why?” she asked, turning so she could peer up at him.

“I nearly died, and that wasn’t enough for you to put on the Muggle Healer costume?”

She huffed out a frustrated breath and maneuvered herself around so she was facing him. Draco was sure the retort would have been great, but he caught her mouth with his before she could speak it. To his delight, Granger didn’t need much encouragement; she gripped the back of his neck as he pulled her firmly against him. The kiss was so frantic that he started to fear he might pass out from lack of air.

It wouldn’t be the worst way to go…

Draco groaned as her tongue found its way into his mouth, and he rolled them so he was on top of her. Annoyingly, this was when she decided to break away, telling him angrily, “You were stabbed a few hours ago!”

“We’re celebrating me being alive,” he muttered, kissing his way up her neck.

“There will be plenty of time for celebrating, but right now you need rest.”

Urgh.

Now I’m going to have an awkward boner for the rest of the night.

He laid back against the sofa and pulled her into his chest. She let out a surprised breath as he pressed his boner against her arse. “I’m blaming this on you,” he told her firmly.

“Good to know the blood replenisher worked.”

Cheeky.

Draco managed to drift off to sleep for another few hours, and when he woke up this time it was to pulses of pleasure speeding through his body from his cock. He frowned in confusion and looked down to discover Granger sucking him off. “Oh fuck,” he moaned, suddenly wide awake.

She broke away, looking nervous. “Is this ok?”

What a stupid question.

“You can wake me up like this any fucking time you want,” he told her.

His eyes nearly rolled back in his head as Granger closed her mouth around his cock again and began bobbing her head up and down. Considering she had likely never done this before, she was bloody good at it. He briefly wondered if she had read about it in one of her books, but then he decided now was not the time to ponder such things. She hollowed her cheeks, sucking firmly as she worked, every now and then using her tongue to tease around the tip before she plunged down again. A few times his cock hit the back of her throat, and he could tell she struggled with that, clearly trying to fight her gag reflex, but she was nothing if not determined. When she added her hand at the base and worked her hand and mouth together, he was done for. Draco made an incoherent noise and spilled into her mouth.

“Shit, sorry. I should have checked before doing that!” he said frantically. “It happened without much warning.”

She grinned at him whilst wiping her mouth with her hand. “Considering that was my first time, I think it was a success?”

“Outstanding. It’s my new favourite way to wake up.” He sat up and pulled her into a kiss, cradling her face between his hands.

Fuck, she is perfect.

“Thanks for taking a knife for me.”

“I will happily take more if that’s my reward.”

“For fuck’s sake, Ron!” The sound of Potter’s voice caused them to jump apart instantly, and they listened as he pushed open his bedroom door and marched along the hallway landing.

Granger quickly cast a Cleaning Charm as Draco yanked his boxers back up and covered himself with a blanket. Granger sat on the arm of the chair, examining her nails; no one would suspect she had just had her mouth around his cock.

“I’m sorry! It made me jump!” came the response from Weasley.

Potter swept into the living room, holding up the smoking remains of his Tamagotchi. “Ron just blew up Featherby!”

Featherby?!

“It bleeped and scared me!”

“How did he blow it up without a wand?” Granger asked, eyeing the smoking remains.

“He grabbed my wand!” Potter exclaimed. “Without permission, I might add. This is the last time I share a bed with you; you can sleep on the sofa tonight!”

“Are we still talking about an actual wand or is that a euphemism?” Draco asked with a smirk.

“Eww,” Ron exclaimed.

“You’re feeling better, then,” Potter observed.

“Honestly, never felt more alive.” He winked at Granger, who blushed. “Potter, why is your Tamagotchi called Featherby?”

“Was called Featherby!” he said angrily, glaring at Ron, who rubbed his neck, looking embarrassed. “He was a chicken, chickens have feathers… Featherby.”

“Is that what it’s supposed to be?! A chicken?” he exclaimed.

“Can someone please explain what a Tamagotchi is?!” Weasley asked, looking at Granger.

“Maybe, after you explain what the hell you have been up to, Ronald Weasley!” Granger cut across them.

Oh Salazar! She is sexy when she’s angry.

Especially when she isn’t angry at me.

“Dobby will put the kettle on!”

Draco flinched as Dobby emerged from behind the cushions of a nearby armchair.

Has he been there this whole time?!

Granger looked mortified. “Dobby, how long have you been in that armchair?”

“Not long, Miss!” he squeaked, unable to look her in the eye. “I is in the dining room with Lady Druella most of the night.”

That poor fucker saw her sucking me off.

“I… Right.” Granger looked flustered.

“Everything ok, Hermione?” Weasley asked her, looking concerned.

Potter’s eyes widened, then he looked at Draco and mouthed, ‘In front of Dobby?! You sick fuck!’ behind Weasley’s back. Draco tried his best not to grin; oh Salazar, he tried, but the grin slipped out, and Potter shook his head in disgust.

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

Hermione kept casting guilty glances at Dobby as he served them breakfast; there was a strong chance that even if he hadn’t seen what she’d done to Malfoy, he’d probably heard it.

Bloody hell.

You support house-elves, Hermione! You don’t traumatise them!

“Right, come on, Ron; tell us what happened to you,” Harry prompted.

Hermione blinked a few times, trying to clear away enough of the mortification to focus on Ron. It didn’t help that Malfoy was watching her with an amused grin on his face.

“Right well, once I left…”

Hermione was pleased to see that Ron’s cheeks reddened as he appeared suitably embarrassed by this.

… “I went to Bill and Fleur’s. It took me a few days to cool off, but once I had, I regretted leaving. I thought about coming back, but I was too embarrassed. I also thought you may not want me back…” He trailed off, looking nervous.

“We wanted you back, Ron,” Harry confirmed. “We waited for you much longer than we should have before coming here.”

“Right.” Ron looked relieved. “Well, I figured you would have moved on to a different location after a few days, so I would have no way to find you. I stayed locked in the spare bedroom at Shell Cottage for days, until one night I heard your voice, Hermione…” he smiled at her affectionately.

She felt Malfoy shift on his stool next to her in annoyance. Sharing a cottage with them both was going to be interesting.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, you were just talking about something mundane. I think it was about what to have for dinner, but I knew you were thinking about me…”

Huh?

I was probably just thinking about dinner, but whatever…

… “I realised your voice was coming from the Deluminator that Dumbledore had left me in his will. So I got it out of my bag, and when I clicked it, this little light appeared and entered my body…”

Don’t look at Malfoy.

Hermione could almost feel Malfoy fighting not to say something sarcastic, so she kicked him under the table, and he coughed to hide his amusement.

… “I knew if I followed the light’s guidance it would lead me to you, and here I am.”

Sounds like he joined a cult.

That is just about the stupidest story I have ever heard.

“So, a ball of light entered your body, and you let it guide you… into a bunch of Snatchers,” Malfoy scoffed.

Ron huffed angrily. “I got caught on my way to Bath. I knew it wanted me to come here; I just didn’t know the exact location. I suppose it’s because this cottage is under some kind of bloody protection.” Ron sounded defensive, like it was their fault for choosing a place that was heavily protected.

“No shit the cottage is protected! Perhaps it’s to stop the Dark Lord popping over for Sunday lunch.” Malfoy snapped, rolling his eyes.

Hermione put her hand on Malfoy’s arm and gave him a look that told him to calm down. He huffed, nodding once.

Ron watched the interaction curiously. “You two have gotten close then?”

Harry suddenly seemed very interested in looking out of the kitchen window.

Malfoy remained quiet as she stared at Ron. “Yes, we have.” She didn’t feel the need to elaborate, and she wasn’t sure Ron would want to hear it either. But honesty was the best policy; she didn’t want to tiptoe around him like they’d done before.

Ron nodded solemnly. “Ok.” He took a deep breath and smiled shyly. “Thank you, all of you.” He gave Malfoy an annoyed smile. “For coming to rescue me. I know I probably didn’t deserve it, and, for what it’s worth, I am sorry for leaving and how I acted.”

Hermione couldn’t quite believe what she had just heard; it was rare for her to receive an apology from Ron, but he was offering one to Malfoy too. “I didn’t mean to hurt you back in the tent, Ron; that wasn’t my intention, and I accept your apology,” Hermione told him. “But don’t act like that again. Just talk to us if there is something bothering you.”

Ron swallowed. “I will… Urm. If you don’t have any more questions for me; I really need a shower. Can I use yours, Harry?”

Harry looked relieved at the change in topic. “Yeah, you will have to, unless you want a freezing cold shower or the Sahara Desert dumped on your head.”

“Huh?”

“Never mind.”

Once Ron had left the kitchen they all looked at each other in stunned silence.

“Well it went better than I thought,” Harry remarked.

“Yeah,” Hermione agreed.

Much better.

“I could have made it so much worse; you both owe me,” Malfoy told them, but his amused smile faltered at the sound of the front door being pushed open. Hermione followed close behind as Malfoy ran through the living room and into the open arms of Narcissa, who gripped her son tightly and buried her face into his shoulder as she wept.

“I thought you were dead,” she sobbed.

Malfoy pushed her back, examining her for any injuries. “What happened?” he demanded. “Are you in danger?”

“First, tell me how you are. The last time I saw you, there was a knife in your chest and blood everywhere. Rodolphus confunded me so I couldn’t get to you…” She looked exhausted, Hermione noticed, like she hadn’t slept.

“Granger took care of me; she healed me, stayed with me all night, and made sure I was feeling wonderful this morning.”

She shot Malfoy a warning look, but he just grinned.

Prat.

Narcissa swept towards her and pulled her into a hug. “Thank you, Miss Granger; I owe you a great debt.”

Hermione hesitantly hugged her back, swallowing to relieve the lump forming in her throat.

What I wouldn’t give for a hug from my own mum.

Dobby brought them some refreshments as they settled on the sofas. She tried not to smile when Malfoy sat close to her on the three-seater.

Harry went upstairs to get Ron; they thought it would be best if they were all present to hear what Narcissa had to say. As they waited, Hermione noticed the tremors in Narcissa’s hands had gotten worse. That could only mean one thing; Narcissa had been tortured.

“Urm, hi,” Ron said awkwardly as he sat in the remaining armchair, leaving Harry to join her and Malfoy on the sofa.

“So…” Narcissa began… “The Dark Lord doesn’t know that it was Mr. Weasley in the Cellar. Bella gave the same description to the Dark Lord that we fed to her when you arrived. Thank Salazar you dyed your hair, or she probably would have tortured you for merely resembling a blood traitor…”

“My family is fighting on the right side, they are not blood traitors,” Ron snapped.

… “To Death Eaters and the Dark Lord, they are,” Narcissa told him simply. “The Dark Lord also does not know who was disguised as his Death Eaters, although he assumes the Order was responsible for the rescue. In a way, rescuing all the prisoners helped; it would have looked suspicious if you had gone through all that trouble for just one person. Severus was able to convince the Dark Lord that Dobby was the way you were able to apparate within the Manor, so no one suspects that Draco is alive.”

“Thank goodness,” Hermione breathed.

“So you weren’t punished?” Harry questioned.

Malfoy scoffed at this.

Narcissa smiled sadly. “Bella summoned the Dark Lord, and when he was made aware of the situation, he was very angry. We were each tortured multiple times with the Cruciatus Curse, and we would have been killed if it wasn’t for Severus…” She hesitated and took a sip of her tea. Hermione got the distinct impression that Narcissa was preparing herself… “You won’t like what Severus did in order to save us, and I can assure you that he had his reasons, which I promise to explain.”

That didn’t sound good…

“What did he do?” Hermione asked.

“He gave the Dark Lord the Elder Wand.” Narcissa held her hand up, asking for silence as the boys started yelling and gesturing wildly.

Hermione had to admit even she felt quite sick at the thought of You-Know-Who having possession of such a wand.

“I know you are angry, but please let me explain! The Elder Wand belonged to Albus Dumbledore, as you are aware. A wand’s allegiance can be won in one of two ways: by letting the wand choose you, or by winning the wand’s allegiance from its previous owner. When Draco disarmed Albus Dumbledore the night he died, the wand’s allegiance switched to him.”

“So I’m the Master of the Elder Wand?!” Malfoy exclaimed excitedly.

“You were, but I’m afraid… If Severus is correct, when Mr. Potter disarmed you at Grimmauld Place, your wands, all of them, switched allegiance to him. You can still use your wand, but if you were to try and cast a spell at Mr. Potter, you may find that the wand won’t perform very well for you.”

Hermione was not in the least bit surprised when Malfoy pulled out his wand and shot a Stinging Jinx at Harry, which promptly fizzled out before it reached him.

“Absolute wanker,” Malfoy told Harry in disbelief.

“Aww, poor Malfoy can’t even hit me with a Stinging Jinx,” Harry pouted in mock sympathy.

Boys…

“Quite, and as the Dark Lord believes Draco to be dead, he believes that the wand will choose to align itself to him, and if not, he plans to force it. What he doesn’t realise is that the wand has a Master who is very much alive, and should he and that Master ever come face to face in battle, the wand will not work for him.”

Hermione’s mouth dropped open. “It’s a genius move,” she muttered.

“Severus does have his moments; I will give him that,” Narcissa agreed.

Chapter Text

Draco Malfoy

Draco had been waiting for the opportune moment to initiate Weasley into the 3am Club; it was part of his grand plan to try and smooth things over with the irritating man-child. Weasley had been deliberately avoiding Draco since his arrival at the cottage, which he couldn’t blame him for; Draco had stolen the witch Weasley liked after all…

Did I steal her, though? The idiot had so many opportunities…

Don’t start down that route again; you need him to like you for Granger’s sake.

Potter and Weasley had set up a game of Wizard’s Chess on the kitchen island whilst Granger read with Druella in the dining room. Now was his chance. Draco selected one of the more risqué magazines from his collection. A collection that had been dwindling thanks to Potter helping himself when Draco wasn’t around. He had tried to confront Potter about it, but the cretin had scoffed and said it wasn’t like Draco needed the material with Granger around to ‘lend him a hand.’ Draco had tried to act affronted, but unfortunately a smug grin slipped out and ruined the whole façade.

Anyway, now was the time. He slammed the magazine down in front of Weasley along with Granger’s mint body wash. “Welcome to the 3am Club, Weasley. Here is your initiation kit.”

“There is no way Ron will be able to handle the mint body wash; he is a whiny git like you,” Potter laughed, slapping Weasley on the back.

“Hey!” Weasley exclaimed, clearly realising he was being insulted somehow and deciding to react appropriately even though he had no idea what he was acting offended about. “What is the 3am Club?” He picked up the magazine and his eyes doubled in size. “BLOODY HELL!” He turned a violent shade of red as he hissed, “She’s got no clothes on!”

Ah, Weasley…

Maybe I can take him to Ann Summers one day

“Would you care to explain, Potter? You invented this club,” Draco said with a polite smile.

“Urm, I’m pretty sure you decided it was going to be a ‘club’,” Potter retorted with a roll of his eyes.

“Fine; allow me to explain,” Draco said with a flourish. “Weasley, when we were in the tent, Potter and I would use the 3am watch shift to wank whilst no one was around.”

“Together?!”

What?!

“Fuck no!” Potter exclaimed, looking horrified.

“I thought that part would be self-explanatory, but apparently not,” Draco said incredulously. “We would take turns to cover that watch, and whilst on that watch alone, we would wank. It wasn’t like some crazy communal wank-fest.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?! I was so pent up; I’m pretty sure that was why I reacted the way I did when I left.” He actually looked quite angry.

Why is making friends so hard? I gave the guy my best porn for Salazar’s sake!

“I didn’t realise you were struggling too, Ron. Malfoy was pretty vocal about his wanking struggles, so I helped him out…”

Draco snorted.

… “Yeah, ok, that sounded wrong.” Potter let out a frustrated sigh. “Look, we’re sorry ok? You are now part of this ridiculous club. Welcome, and if I were you, I wouldn’t use the mint body wash.”

“He has to; that’s the initiation,” Draco told them. “Go into Potter’s room, use the body wash to milk the Basilisk, and then let us know if you enjoyed the unusual… sensations.”

“Why my room?!” Potter demanded.

“That’s where Weasley has been sleeping; it’s where he will feel most comfortable.” Draco gave Potter a wicked grin.

“Bloody hell, fine.” Potter did not look happy.

Weasley looked between them both in apprehension.

“Go on,” Draco shooed him out of the room. He was even kind enough to escort Weasley to the bottom of the stairs and give him a gentle nudge up, making sure he had all of his supplies.

It’s what friends are for, after all…

“You have very weird ways of making friends,” Potter muttered, throwing himself into an armchair with Granger’s Tamagotchi. She had begrudgingly donated it to him when he wouldn’t stop whining about Featherby.

“Reckon it worked?”

“I don’t know; I guess we will see how he reacts to the body wash.”

Now that task was taken care of, Draco went to check on Granger in the dining room. He found her examining various books laid out across the dining room table.

“It has to be the Diadem,” the Portrait of Druella was saying. “It is the item which is most representative of her. Just like Helga Hufflepuff and her cup; it makes sense.”

“But it’s been lost for centuries,” Granger replied, her eyes never leaving the books.

Draco slid his arms around her from behind. “You seem stressed; perhaps I can help relieve that.”

She slapped his arms away hissing, “Ron is in the kitchen!”

“No he isn’t.” Draco slipped his arms around her waist again. “Weasley is currently completing his initiation into the 3am Club; I borrowed your body wash by the way.”

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake,” she huffed, but there was an undercurrent of amusement Draco noted.

“Soooo.” He pushed her forward until she was bent over the table. “This is giving me some ideas.”

“SHUT THE DOOR,” Potter yelled from the living room.

“Whoops.” He flicked his wand and the door slammed shut.

“What about Druella?” Granger hissed.

“Oh, don’t mind me; I will close my eyes,” she chuckled.

Draco summoned a napkin, enlarged it, and used a Sticking Charm to attach it to her frame. Then he cast a Muffliato and a Silencing Charm around her. “Taken care of.”

He turned Granger around and kissed her hungrily, trailing his hands down her back until he got to her arse, which he squeezed firmly. She let out a delightful squeak as he hoisted her up onto the table and pulled her legs around his waist. Breaking the kiss, Draco nudged her head to the side to bite at her ear and flutter kisses down her neck, eliciting a delicious moan. Salazar, he wanted more of those. Insistent fingers tugged at the hem of his T-shirt, which he quickly pulled off. He relieved her of her own shirt, throwing it somewhere over his shoulder and pulled her in close again, running a hand up the soft skin of her back until he found the clasp of her bra. Draco truly impressed himself with how quickly he managed to get the bra undone; bras were normally very fiddly, and he had been known to banish them in frustration. He didn’t think Granger would appreciate that, though.

Sliding the bra down her arms, he leaned back to admire her breasts. They were perfect, just like her. He ran his hands over them, gently teasing and pinching at her nipples. Little gasps escaped her, and Draco was momentarily surprised when she forcefully grabbed the back of his neck, guiding his mouth back to hers, where she proceeded to devour him. As Granger’s tongue worked against his, he let his hand drift lower, down her stomach, until he came to her leggings. Draco slid his hand between her legs and pressed his thumb against her core. Another moan escaped. As her hips bucked into his hand, he accepted the invitation and yanked her leggings off so forcefully they might have ripped.

I’ll buy her some more…

“Yours too,” she panted, pulling down her underwear.

Draco pulled off his jeans and boxers and closed the distance between them once more. He nudged her backwards and lowered his hand between her legs. He swiped a finger around her entrance, gathering up the arousal and then began stroking firmly through her folds, stopping every so often to circle her clit. She gripped his neck tightly, moaning against his chest as he worked. He pinched and stroked and rubbed and circled until she was so wet that he could hear every move his hand made. He hovered a finger at her entrance before gently pushing it inside.

Granger gasped, gripping his shoulders.

“Is this ok?” Draco asked, fully aware she probably hadn’t done this before.

“Yes,” she breathed.

Draco gently began moving his finger in and out as he used his other hand to start circling her clit again. She swore loudly, and he felt her tense firmly around his finger.

“It feels good, doesn’t it?” he chuckled.

“Can we…” She cut off, looking at him nervously.

Fuck.

“You want to have sex?” Draco asked, stilling his hands. “It’s your first time, Granger; I don’t know if a dining room table is really the right place.”

“I don’t care… I just… please?”

Fuck, why did she have to say please…

Draco let out a shaky breath. “Ok, but if you want to stop, you have to tell me.” It had been a long time since he had felt nervous having sex, but he was very nervous now. This was Granger’s first time. Draco wanted it to feel good, but inevitably it would be uncomfortable, and he didn’t want to cause her pain. She trusted him, though, trusted him enough to be her first.

With his wand, he cast the Contraceptive Charm on her and then a Lubrication Spell on himself. She watched, fixated as he worked his hand up and down his cock a few times, spreading the lube.

“Do you like to watch, Granger?”

Granger’s eyes flicked to his as she nodded.

“Good to know,” he smirked at her. Stepping in close again, he captured her mouth in a gentle kiss and encouraged her to lean back on the table.

“You’re sure?” he breathed.

She gave him a determined nod in return.

He gently took hold of her hips and pulled her towards the edge of the table, lining himself up with her entrance.

She took a deep breath as she felt the tip. He lowered himself and began kissing her neck as he pushed forward, using his hand to help guide him in. She hissed a breath; she was so tight it was almost painful to Draco.

“Are you ok?” he asked, pausing to let her adjust.

“Yes,” she gasped, running a shaky hand through his hair. “You can keep going.”

Draco took hold of her legs and pulled them around his waist as he moved forward again. A whimper escaped her, and he stilled. “I’m hurting you.”

“I’m ok, I promise. I expected this.”

“The worst part is over,” he told her gently as he started to move again. Her breath hitched a few times as she adjusted to him being inside her, and then he felt her start to relax. His breath was coming out in pants as he thrust into her. “You probably won’t cum like this, as it’s your first time, but I promise I will take care of you after,” he assured her as the pressure in his balls built.

Salazar, it’s been a long time since I’ve had sex…

He gently rubbed her clit as he thrust harder, and she dug her nails into his back as she held on. The thrusts became faster and more erratic; he saw her watching in fascination as he swore loudly, his movements slowing as he rode out his orgasm.

“I’m going to make you cum now,” Draco told her as he pulled himself out. Guilt flooded him as she winced, but he lowered himself to his knees and spread her legs wide, ready to make it up to her. Making sure to avoid her entrance, which would no doubt be sore, he parted her folds with his fingers and flicked the tip of his tongue against her clit. Immediately realising that she was already on the edge, he applied more pressure, and a minute later she clenched as the orgasm tore through her.

When she was ready, he helped her down off the table. “Well, I didn’t have this planned for today,” he chuckled. A grimace crossed her face as she bent over to retrieve her clothes, and, not wanting to cause further trauma to Dobby, he waited until they were decent before he summoned him to ask for a Pain Potion.

“I’m fine, honestly,” she told him with a smile. “I feel good; it was good. Thank you.”

“Well as you get more used to it, hopefully it will be a bit more than good,” he grinned at her as Dobby reappeared.

“Here you are, Miss. Is you needing anything else?”

“No, thank you, Dobby,” Granger replied as Draco leaned against the table, looking at the books she had been studying.

“Can I relieve Mistress Druella of her napkin?” Dobby gestured towards the Portrait.

Granger flushed. “Oh, I can do that.” But before she had even taken a step toward her wand, Dobby had removed the napkin and the extra enchantments.

A very coy looking Druella peered down at them.

“Put my dining room table to good use, did you?” she asked once Dobby had gone.

“Do you really want us to answer that?” Draco asked, without looking up from the books. “I’ve seen this,” he commented, pointing to a picture of an ornate looking tiara with a blue gem.

“What?” Granger snapped. “What do you mean you’ve seen it? Do you mean in real life or in a book?!”

“In real life,” he replied.

“You know where this is?!” Granger looked more excited about this than the sex they had just had; Draco wasn’t sure whether to be insulted.

“I think so. It looks a lot like a tiara that was on this old bust by the vanishing cabinet in the Room of Hidden Things…” He stopped talking and watched the shock work its way across Granger’s features.

“Holy crickets,” she exclaimed, staring at him.

Absolutely not…

“Try that again, but this time with an acceptable swear word; we are not going back to your ‘holy crickets’ days…”

“Holy shit?” she responded with a laugh.

“Much better.”

“Do you know what this is?!” she exclaimed, then held her hand up. “Wait, we need Harry… Oh, and Ron.” He tried not to smirk at the fact she nearly forgot Weasley.

“Harry! Ron! Come quickly, we may have something,” she yelled.

Potter joined them first. “Did this epiphany come before or after…” He raised a suggestive eyebrow.

“After. That’s when I have all my best epiphanies,” Draco grinned.

Weasley entered the dining room, looking rather uncomfortable.

“Body wash not for you?” Draco asked.

Weasley shot an awkward look at Granger before whispering, “Is it supposed to… burn?”

Granger snorted. “Honestly, give him some of the actual lube next time.”

“That would be a boring initiation!” Draco exclaimed.

“Wait, you know about this club?” Weasley asked Granger in shock.

She rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t exactly rocket science to work out.”

Rocket Science? What the hell is that…

Weasley also looked confused by this sentence; sometimes it was nice to have a fellow pureblood in the room, albeit a shit one.

“Look here.” Granger pointed at the book containing the picture of the tiara. “This is the lost Diadem of Rowena Ravenclaw; it is the only item of hers that I think You-Know-Who may have turned into a Horcrux. Problem is, it’s been missing for centuries…” She gave him a pointed look.

Ah, I see now why she was more excited about this than the sex we just had.

“I know where it is.” He felt very smug at accidentally solving the last Horcrux. “It’s near the vanishing cabinet in the Room of Hidden Things.”

“By the vanishing cabinet that you fixed in order to sneak Death Eaters into the school?” And thanks to Weasley, his smugness was gone in an instant.

Potter ignored this comment. “I recognise it too! I hid Snape’s old potions book under the bust and put the Diadem on its head so I would know how to find it again!”

“So I have spent weeks researching Rowena Ravenclaw and potential places where her lost Diadem may be, but the both of you already knew.” Granger looked rather annoyed.

“Let’s not dwell on the past,” Draco said, giving her his best smile.

“Dumbledore said he thought there was a Horcrux at Hogwarts,” Weasley said thoughtfully. “I guess he was right. Providing it actually is a Horcrux.”

“Only one way to find out,” Potter told them.

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

“You don’t have to run me a bath; it’s enough that you removed the sand hex,” she told Malfoy as he fussed over the bathtub.

“Let me do this for you, Granger,” he replied whilst adding potions to the hot water. Hermione had adamantly told him that he wasn’t allowed to add flowers.

“Is this a pureblood tradition? Bathe a woman after taking her virginity?”

He huffed. “No, it’s called being nice to the person you like.”

“Oh.”

“It says a lot about Potter and Weasley if you think running a bath for someone is a pureblood tradition,” he commented.

That might have been a stupid thing to say…

It wasn’t that Harry and Ron didn’t do nice things; they both cared for her in their own way, but it was very odd that someone would want to run a bath for her. The fact that the person was Malfoy… well, it was rather baffling. When he was done, he stood up and kissed her on the head before turning to leave.

“Malfoy…”

He stopped. “You know I think it might be ok if we call each other by our actual names now.”

“Draco…” she said, frowning slightly; it sounded odd.

He chuckled. “Yes, Hermione?”

It was even weirder hearing him call her by her first name. “I’m glad you ended up here with us.”

He smiled. “I am too. Now have your bath. I’m going to see if Potter has spoken to Phineas about getting into Hogwarts.”

Once Draco was gone, she dropped her towel and lowered herself into the hot water. The bath smelled amazing, like Neroli, which happened to be one of her favourite scents. The ache between her thighs wasn’t too bad, especially after the Pain Potion. She didn’t feel any different. She thought she would feel more mature or confident, maybe, but everything seemed the same apart from feeling much closer to Draco. She chuckled to herself, imagining what her younger self would have done if she knew that it would be Draco, and not Ron, who took her virginity.

I probably would have committed myself to St. Mungo’s.

Severus Snape

Rodolphus poured the wine whilst they tucked into some food the house-elves had delivered to his office. Severus hated eating in the Great Hall; with all the blank stares, it was nothing like it once was. The Carrows were still inflicting torture on the students, and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it without the Dark Lord questioning him. And right now, he could not afford that. The Elder Wand may have saved their lives, but the Dark Lord was still angry about the prisoners escaping.

“I’m thinking about the snake,” Rodolphus said as he swirled wine around his goblet.

Nagini was still missing, and, apart from a few clues Rodolphus had gotten out of Pettigrew, they knew nothing. It was very infuriating; they would need to work out where she was soon; Severus needed her.

“Go on,” he encouraged.

“Rat-boy said she was guarding a house, might it be the old Riddle House?”

Severus contemplated this for a moment. “Maybe. It might be worth checking if you have time.”

“Anything to keep me away from Bella; she has taken to screeching profanities at me whenever I enter a room she is in. Unfortunately for her, the Dark Lord has rather lost interest…” Rodolphus smirked at this.

“Time for your daily update!” Phineas announced, entering his frame with what appeared to be a twirl.

What is happening to him; he used to be so miserable.

I miss that.

“Oh, I’ve been waiting for this,” Rodolphus said eagerly. “Has Weasley cock-blocked Draco?”

“One would think so, but the Malfoy boy is cunning. So let’s start at the beginning: the Malfoy boy and the Potter boy decided to invite the Weasley boy to join their wanking club. He was a bit dubious at first, but upon learning that it is, and I quote, ‘a crazy communal wank-fest,’ he signed up. Although, in order for him to join, he needed to do an initiation wank using some hexed body wash, which I’m assuming would probably cause some burning similar to what the Malfoy boy experienced…”

“Kids nowadays.” Rodolphus shook his head in amusement as he refilled his goblet.

Indeed…

… “So whilst the Weasley boy went off to burn his cock, the Malfoy boy checked on the Muggle-born. Whatever they were doing must have been annoying because Potter insisted on them shutting the dining room door. They were in there for quite a while whilst Potter played with his Muggle toy and complained to himself about people not using Silencing Charms. Anyway, whatever they did resulted in the Malfoy boy having an epiphany, and they think they’ve found another Horcrux. So they removed the very rude Muffliato Charm they cast upon me and asked if I could speak to you about how they can gain access to Hogwarts, more specifically, the Room of Requirement.”

“You should have led with that bit of information,” Severus told him angrily.

“Order of importance is so subjective,” Rodolphus decided to inform Severus.

Chapter Text

Hermione Granger

“I’m just telling you what Severus told me. It can only be two of you, and he doesn’t want Mr. Potter near the school, as it’s too risky. So either Mr. Weasley or Miss Granger will need to join Mr. Malfoy on his mission,” Phineas told them for a third time, looking thoroughly exasperated. Hermione was quite sure that, if he were able, Phineas would have knocked himself out on his Portrait frame just to stop listening to the tedious debate.

“I will go with Malfoy,” Ron declared.

“Absolutely not. Hermione is coming with me,” Draco immediately responded, much to her delight. However, her delight turned to anxiety when she noticed Harry giving Draco a weird look.

Urgh, Harry doesn’t think it’s a good idea…

“I don’t see why I can’t go!” Harry tried again after a few moments of silence, during which they all stared at each other, hoping someone would back down.

“Because no one wants the Dark Lord getting his hands on you?” Phineas replied like it was obvious. It was obvious; Harry was the last person who should be going back to Hogwarts right now. Hermione managed to refrain from rolling her eyes.

“Why can’t I go?” Ron whined.

“Because I would probably leave you in the Room of Hidden Things,” Draco informed him matter-of-factly.

Oh God, don’t laugh.

Do. Not. Laugh.

Now would be the worst time to laugh.

“Dobby would never leave a friend of Harry Potter’s behind,” Dobby piped up from in front of the fire. “Why can’t Dobby go?” He turned his big round eyes on Harry.

“The house-elves have been banned from apparating around Hogwarts ever since our escape from the Manor, plus Snape thinks there is a strong chance the Carrows have put a trace on you. It will be too dangerous for you to go, Dobby. I’m sorry,” Harry told him.

“I’m going with Draco,” Hermione told them, having had enough of the debate. “Ron, you don’t have a wand, and when you borrow Harry’s or mine, your magic is unreliable.”

She thought this would put an end to the conversation; surely there could be no arguing with that rather important point?! Ron, however, seemed adamant that he wanted to do this and would not accept his fate without a fight.

“It might be a good opportunity for me to get a new wand!”

Oh for the love of Merlin…

“Do you plan to steal one from a student? That’s low, Weasley,” Draco informed him.

“This is war; we have to do things we wouldn’t normally do!” Ron insisted.

“Potter, what do you think?” Draco asked, and all eyes fell on Harry, who didn’t look overly pleased with being put on the spot.

Harry sighed loudly as he muttered, “Hermione and Malfoy should go.”

Thank you!

Ron looked very put out as they confirmed the plan with Phineas, who then disappeared to relay it back to Snape. Draco and Hermione were to apparate to the Hog’s Head Inn in Hogsmeade at around 2am, where someone would meet them and provide a secret way to get into Hogwarts. Hopefully, most of the castle occupants would be fast asleep, although to be on the safe side, they would take the Marauder’s Map and the Invisibility Cloak. Given how their last mission went, Hermione didn’t want to take any chances.

Ron followed Dobby into the kitchen; Hermione expected the poor elf would have to cook a lot of comfort food for Ron, given the foul mood he was in. Draco decided to have a bath, and upon him declaring this, Hermione experienced a moment of panic where she wondered if she should offer to run it for him. But ultimately, she decided to leave him to it. It was strange trying to navigate this new dynamic with Draco; she still wasn’t sure what they were.

Are we dating?

It’s not really dating when you are on the run, occasionally getting each other off.

That sounds more like convenient stress relief…

“I noticed something funny just now.” Harry was grinning at her as he spoke. “You and Malfoy used each other’s first names. When did that happen?”

“Oh, it’s a recent development,” Hermione replied casually, hoping Harry wouldn’t pry further.

“Oh my god; you had sex with him, didn’t you?!” Harry hissed as he sat up excitedly. Hermione’s eyes grew wide in panic, and she gave a pointed look towards the kitchen door, which Ron was currently on the other side of.

Shut up, Harry!

“ON MY DINING ROOM TABLE!” Druella yelled from the dining room. Hermione felt her cheeks burn as she dropped her head into her hands.

“Why is Druella yelling about her dining room table?” Ron asked, poking his head out of the kitchen.

“Oh, urm… I think she was just complaining that we don’t use it very often,” Harry said quickly, shooting Hermione an apologetic look.

“Dobby will serve dinner on the dining room table this evening to please Mistress Druella!” Dobby declared, looking ecstatic. Hermione and Harry exchanged an uncomfortable look.

“Make sure you give it a good clean before you put the food on it, Dobby,” Harry instructed the elf awkwardly. Hermione closed her eyes, wondering why these situations kept happening to her.

I must have done something really bad in a previous life…

“Of course, Harry Potter, Sir!” Dobby agreed.

Once Ron and Dobby had disappeared back into the kitchen, Harry rounded on her. “Ok, tell me everything!”

“What?” Hermione squeaked.

“Well, not everything, but you know, how was it? It was your first time, right?”

Is he serious…

“I feel like I’m talking to Ginny right now,” she chuckled.

“Well Gin isn’t here, so it’s my duty to make sure you are ok and that he didn’t hurt you. He didn’t hurt you, right?!” Harry suddenly looked very serious.

“No! Draco was very considerate; he even took the sand hex off my taps and ran me a bath afterwards.”

“Malfoy ran you a bath?!”

“Yes, it was really sweet actually, although a bit disconcerting to start with… I asked him if it was a pureblood tradition.” They both chuckled at that.

“Should I run Ginny baths when we get back together? If she still wants me when all this is done, that is…” Harry trailed off, looking anxious.

“Ginny has loved you since she first set eyes on you; I am very sure she is still going to want you when all this is done,” Hermione reassured him. “And yes, run her baths.”

“I hope so.” He smiled. “So, is it official?”

“Draco and I? No idea…” She tried to sound nonchalant.

“You mean he shagged you, but hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend?!”

“Oh, I’m going to assume I wasn’t supposed to walk in on this conversation.” Draco had frozen on the bottom step, looking between Hermione and Harry in alarm. “For the record, I wanted to wait until I could ask you on a proper date, but I guess that may not happen any time soon,” he told her.

Oh God, stay calm, Hermione.

Hermione had never felt such a mix of emotions; she was embarrassed, relieved, excited, mortified, shocked… Did she mention excited? Harry was watching her, not even trying to hide his amusement at her temporary loss of function. Luckily, the kitchen door opened, and Ron poked his head out, causing a well-needed distraction for them all. “Dobby wants to know if you want roast chicken or casserole tonight. Apparently it affects how he will lay the table…”

“The table?” Draco questioned, looking uncomfortable. “Are we eating in the dining room tonight? That table hasn’t been used for eating in a while…” He trailed off, his cheeks flushing red. It was as if Hermione could actually see the memory of him eating her out on that table playing through his mind. He blinked and coughed, discreetly placing his hands in front of his crotch. “It, urm, might need cleaning.”

“Don’t worry; Mr. Potter already asked the elf to clean the table!” Druella called out to them.

“What is it with you lot and cleaning?” Ron said with a shake of his head… “You’ve changed.”

~~~~~~~~

Rodolphus Lestrange

Rodolphus was standing outside the front gate of the Riddle House, listening intently to see if he could hear Nagini slithering about. The entire property had fallen into disrepair; the Dark Lord should have refrained from dispatching his gardener so eagerly; a simple Memory Spell could have fixed that little situation.

But oh no, he just loves to murder people.

Rodolphus could feel both Protection and Detection Spells around the property, encouraging Muggles away and threatening pain to those who entered without an invitation. He knew he couldn’t cross the boundary without the Dark Lord knowing, so he circled the perimeter, casting various Detection Spells and watching closely for any movement.

Everything was quiet.

Rodolphus crouched behind a tree, palming a stone in his hand. There were stupid ideas, and then there were ‘Let’s launch a stone through the Dark Lord’s Detection Spell to see if anything happens’ type ideas.

This definitely isn’t a good idea.

But when has that ever stopped me?

Rodolphus launched the stone and watched as it bounced along the main pathway until it came to a stop a few feet from the front door. He held his breath as he waited to see what would happen, but there was still no movement. Just as he was about to give up and head home, a crack of apparition froze him to the spot. Fear engulfed him as he heard the unmistakable voice of the Dark Lord.

“Hurry, Wormtail!”

Shit. Fuck. Balls.

Why the fuck did he come himself?

I need more fucking wine to deal with this.

“What is it, my Lord? What did you feel?” Rat-boy asked, looking around frantically. The fucker was probably hoping to heroically catch someone so that he could keep his position as the Dark Lord’s new favourite. As if it wasn’t bad enough that Rodolphus had endured 12 rounds of the Cruciatus Curse, now apparently Rat-boy was the only one the Dark Lord valued, even after Severus attempted to discredit him. Rodolphus was still sore at Draco about his little slip-up; the boy should have known that the only name for Peter Fucking Pettigrew was Rat-boy.

Rodolphus discreetly cast a Notice-Me-Not Spell and a Silencing Charm around himself, hoping it would be enough not to draw attention.

“The wards were disturbed…” the Dark Lord muttered, casting his eyes around the front garden… “No one entered the house, but they may still be in the gardens. You go that way, Wormtail.”

Rat-boy scurried off in one direction, whilst the Dark Lord went in the other.

“Nothing, my Lord,” Rat-boy informed him when they met back by the front gate.

“I debated sending Nagini here; I thought Harry Potter might come to try and find information on me,” the Dark Lord said, still looking around the quiet grounds.

“How would Potter even know about the Riddle House, my Lord?” Rat-boy asked.

“My thoughts exactly, which is why I sent Nagini somewhere that would be far more appealing to him. I still believe Potter will go there eventually; he is sentimental like his mother.”

“I believe you are correct, my Lord.” Rat-boy bowed so low he was at risk of falling over.

Rodolphus shook his head in disgust.

“Come, there is nothing here.” The Dark Lord held his hand out to Rat-boy, and just as suddenly as they arrived, they were gone.

Well, that was more informative than I expected.

Time for Severus to get out the good wine!

~~~~~~~~

Severus Snape

“I’ve told you, Severus; I can’t know for sure, as it’s only a theory.” Horace looked like he would rather be anywhere else right now. Severus couldn’t blame the man; he had asked a lot of him lately. Slughorn knew about Horcruxes and how they worked better than anyone. He had been the one to inform the Dark Lord about them in the first place. So, as Severus had informed Horace months ago, he owed it to everyone to at least try and work through the theory Severus had presented him with.

“How sure are you that it will work? Give me a percentage.”

“30% sure, maybe? It’s not like there have been any previous accounts of such a thing. Until You-Know-Who split his soul multiple times, we didn’t even know that was possible. It’s not a magic that people tend to play around with. If we could get a hold of Nagini, we may be able to test it.” Horace scratched at his neck, looking stressed. “I presume you still don’t know where Nagini is?”

“Not presently,” Severus told him, not even bothering to hide the frustration lacing his words.

“Harry still doesn’t know?” Horace enquired sadly.

“No.”

Severus turned to leave, but Horace called him back. “Severus… The Carrows, is there nothing you can do?”

Not this again.

“I’ve told you many times, Horace. If I try to displace them or overrule them, the Dark Lord will remove me, and things will be even worse. Perhaps it’s time for certain students to be sent home…” He gave Horace a pointed look before storming out of the room.

Severus returned to his office, feeling drained but determined; the chances of his theory working had initially been 0%, and now they were 30%, which was infinitely better in his opinion. Unfortunately, upon entering his office, he found Rodolphus sitting at his desk, appearing to be halfway through a bottle of his good wine…

Serves me right for forgetting to hide it.

“We need to find the bloody snake,” Severus growled at him. “Tell me you found something at the Riddle House.”

“Nagini is not at the Riddle House. However, the trip was not a complete waste of time. I chucked a rock through the property wards to see if the snake would come out to investigate…”

Idiot.

… “Turns out she isn’t there. But the Dark Lord felt the breach and showed up with Rat-boy. He was very chatty; turns out he had thought about sending Nagini to the Riddle House. However, presuming that Potter didn’t know about the House, the Dark Lord chose to send Nagini somewhere that Potter would find more appealing instead. He said he still believes the boy will go there as Potter is sentimental like his mother.”

Lily…

“That’s intriguing,” Severus noted, pushing the thoughts of Lily away. “We know Nagini is not here, she isn’t at the Burrow, maybe he sent her to Grimmauld Place? Although, Potter knows that has been compromised, so it wouldn’t make sense…”

“What about his Muggle home?” Rodolphus suggested.

“Potter didn’t like it there; I can’t imagine he would go back or find it appealing…” Severus sighed as he realised. “Nagini is at Godric’s Hollow.”

“Of course!” Rodolphus laughed, gulping down some more wine. “Of fucking course the Dark Lord would send her to guard the Potter’s old home, or what’s left of it. It makes sense that Potter would want to visit eventually.”

“Would you like to go snake hunting tomorrow?” Severus asked. “Before you get too excited, I must tell you that we need Nagini alive.”

“Did you just ask me out on a date?” Rodolphus smirked, looking delighted. “You bring the cage; I’ll bring the wine.”

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

Weasley watched sulkily as Potter handed Hermione the Invisibility Cloak and the Marauder’s Map. The latter of which, quite honestly, explained a lot about how the three of them got away with so much at school. If Draco and his fellow Slytherins had known such a map existed, they probably would have offered a great deal of money for it. Although, knowing the Gryffindors, they wouldn’t be easily bought. Then Crabbe would probably have tried to nick it, got caught, and used his normal trick of blaming Goyle to avoid detention.

“Don’t be long,” Potter told him and Hermione.

“Don’t worry; I can be very quick when I need to be,” Draco informed Potter proudly.

“Is that really something to brag about?”

It’s at times like these when Potter highlights that he is still a virgin.

Clearly he has never been presented with the opportunity to have a quickie in the Astronomy Tower.

“Sometimes there is a need for speed, Potter; it’s good to have it in your repertoire.”

“I thought the opposite was true,” Potter mumbled, a slight look of confusion on his face.

“Don’t worry. When I get back, we will have a little chat.” Draco patted him on the shoulder, showing his fellow 3am Club member the support he clearly never got from Weasley.

Hermione sighed dramatically. “Come on; let’s go.” She grabbed Draco’s arm, leading him out of the cottage, down the path, and past the gates, where she promptly spun on the spot, apparating them away.

Hogsmeade at 2am was exactly like Draco thought it would be: dark, deserted, and quiet, apart from the odd owl hooting happily. It was a far cry from how it was when they would visit on the weekend whilst at Hogwarts; a small part of Draco missed those simpler days back in third and fourth year.

Hermione pulled on the Invisibility Cloak over them, and they made their way quickly to the Hog’s Head Inn. This was the part of their plan that Draco was nervous about; they had no idea who they were meeting. He had never even been in the Hog’s Head before; it had always looked far too dank and filthy for a noble pureblood, such as himself.

The door to the pub was unlocked, so they pushed it open as quietly as possible and made their way inside. Draco wrinkled his nose in disgust. It was dark and smelt very similar to the boy’s Quidditch changing rooms. His eyes fell upon the only light source in the room; a lone candle on a table towards the back.

“Took you bloody long enough,” came a gruff voice.

Draco looked nervously at Hermione under the cloak. “Do you know who that is?” he whispered.

“I can hear you.” A familiar looking older man with a long, greying beard approached them from behind the table with the candle. “Take the bloody cloak off; I refuse to talk to people I can’t see.”

Draco heard Hermione swallow as she slid the cloak away, revealing them to the, slightly scary, stranger. “Who are you, Sir?” she asked.

Salazar, why do I want to shove my cock in her mouth when she is polite?!

Fuck, Draco! Not now.

“Aberforth Dumbledore.”

Well fuck. That explains why he looks familiar.

“Are you related to Albus Dumbledore?” Hermione gasped.

Aberforth grunted, and Draco assumed it was confirmation that he was indeed related to Albus Dumbledore. Making it very clear that he didn’t want to be asked any more questions, Aberforth turned away from them to address a Portrait on the wall. “Ariana, please show these two the way into Hogwarts.”

At his words, the girl in the Portrait curtseyed and began walking away from them. Draco was about to make a sarcastic remark, but the Portrait swung forward to reveal a passageway.

“Huh,” Draco remarked in surprise.

“Exactly,” Aberforth noted, looking bored. “Now get going, and be quick! I would like to get some sleep this evening.”

Just as Draco and Hermione were about to climb into the passageway, Aberforth exclaimed, “Oh, balls! I was supposed to give you these. Take them before you go.” He held out two vials of a very familiar-looking substance.

Oh, fucking hell, not Polyjuice again.

“Why?” Draco moaned in a manner that was very reminiscent of his third year self.

“Snape thought you two should be disguised as pureblood Slytherins. That way, if the Carrows stumble upon you, they won’t do anything nasty. It’s just a precaution.” Aberforth shoved the vials into their hands.

I wonder who I’m about to change into… Draco thought as he tipped the vial back and tried not to gag as he drank the potion.

It turned out that the potion transformed them into two fifth years that Draco recognised but didn’t know much about: Florian Bulstrode, brother of Millicent, who was in his year at school, and Annabelle Avery, who was, quite frankly, one of the most annoying girls that Draco had ever had the misfortune of meeting. She had often tried to flirt with him despite the age difference. It was painfully obvious that she wanted to get her hands on the Malfoy vault. Draco informed Hermione of this information so that she could act the part of a desperate pureblood accordingly.

“Is your vault really that impressive?” Hermione asked, looking annoyed as she clambered into the passageway.

“Everything about me is impressive,” Draco told her as they began the walk towards Hogwarts. They both heard Aberforth scoff as he slammed the Portrait closed behind them.

Rude.

“If you say so.” It was dark, so he couldn’t tell for sure, but he was almost certain she rolled her eyes. His groin twitched; there was something very sexy about the fact that she didn’t give a fuck about his vault. Draco contemplated doing naughty things to her against the wall of the passageway, but, given the fact they were currently Polyjuiced, he refrained.

When they finally emerged, it was into a room that looked vaguely familiar.

“This is where we held D.A. meetings,” Hermione noted. “We’re already in the Room of Requirement; that’s handy.”

Ah, now I remember. I helped Dolores Umbridge blast into this room…

Not my finest moment.

“We will need to go outside in order to make the Room of Hidden Things appear,” Draco told her.

“At least we don’t need to wander about the Castle,” Hermione noted as they made their way to the exit.

Once outside in the corridor, they waited a moment for the door to the D.A. room to disappear before Draco began pacing. He pictured the Room of Hidden Things in his mind; it was very easy considering how many times he had accessed the room in sixth year. Just as he completed his second lap, voices sounded from down the corridor, heading in their direction.

“Shit! We should have checked the map!” Hermione hissed as she pushed Draco into the alcove.

“It’s the Carrows,” Draco whispered in her ear, a feeling of cold panic going through him at the recognition.

“I will get the cloak,” she hissed, attempting to open her beaded bag.

“There’s no time for that; just play along.” Draco pulled her into a kiss and pushed her roughly against the wall. He felt her stiffen in surprise; it was odd; they were technically kissing each other, but they didn’t look like each other. Draco grabbed Hermione’s thigh and yanked her leg up, encouraging her to wrap it around his waist. It was only in order to be convincing; Draco was absolutely not taking advantage of the situation.

“What do we have here?” snapped the sickly voice of Alecto Carrow.

Draco broke away, trying to portray a look of guilt. “Errr, sorry. We got carried away.”

Alecto and her brother, Amycus, were just as he remembered them: harsh cruel features, brown hair speckled with grey, and matching sneers.

“For fuck’s sake, Florian; that’s your first cousin!” Amycus glared at him.

Shit…

Sarcasm, Draco. Use your sarcasm!

Draco laughed, sneaking a glance at Hermione, who looked mildly terrified. “Well, what can you do when all your second and third cousins are ugly?” He shrugged.

Alecto shook her head, a look of utter disgust written across her features. “This is where the incest rumours come from! You know we try not to pair off with first cousins. Annabelle, what has gotten into you?!”

Hermione swallowed nervously. “I… I couldn’t help myself.”

“I’m surprised that you would choose Florian; I thought you despised each other?” Alecto was frowning now, looking suspicious.

“You don’t need to like someone to… ‘you know’,” Hermione indicated helpfully towards Draco’s crotch.

“We have done quite a lot of ‘you know’,” Draco smirked. “Look, I know this is a bit frowned upon, but we would really appreciate it if this could stay between us. There is no need to involve our families; it’s not like we are going to marry each other; we are just fooling around…” Draco tried for a playful smile.

Amycus and Alecto shared an identical look of exasperated contempt before Amycus told Hermione, “I am good friends with your father, Annabelle; for his sake, we will keep this quiet.”

Hermione swallowed and barely more than whispered, “Thanks.”

“Get to bed,” Alecto told them, then, feeling the need to clarify, added, “Separate beds.”

“We’ll try,” Draco said, grabbing Hermione’s arse again.

Amycus shook his head in annoyance. “Come, Alecto. Let’s finish our rounds.” The Carrows strode off, but not before giving them another disgusted look.

Funny they are so against incest; I was convinced they were fucking each other…

Draco quickly began pacing again, picturing the Room of Hidden Things in his mind. When the door materialised, they quickly yanked it open and ran inside.

“First cousins?!” Hermione hissed at him.

“I didn’t know, although maybe I should have… We’re all bloody cousins nowadays.”

I wouldn’t want to be Florian and Annabelle tomorrow…

“God, that was so avoidable; we were stupid!” she told him, turning to look for the first time at the room they were in.

The Room of Hidden Things hadn’t changed much; it was still absolutely stacked full of junk that students had misplaced over the years.

“This place is immense,” Hermione remarked, looking at the towering stacks of broken furniture, books, old Quidditch equipment, etc.

“Yeah,” he agreed before starting forward. “Follow me.” Draco led her through various winding pathways, remembering the route like it was etched into his very soul. He had spent far too many hours in this room and had experienced a lot of mental anguish; it did not hold the best memories.

“Why are there so many books in here? Are students really this careless when it comes to their books?!” Hermione exclaimed, pausing to examine a large, towering stack that looked one small breeze away from falling down on top of her.

Of course she takes offence to books being in here. That’s my girl…

“Not all students are as careful with their books as you are,” Draco replied, taking her hand to prevent her from getting distracted by more books, of which there were many.

“They should be,” she grumbled.

The remnants of the vanishing cabinet came into view; the whole top half was cracked apart, leaving it completely useless. From what Draco understood, someone from the Order had blown up the sister cabinet in Borgin and Burkes, taking out half the shop with it.

“The Diadem was around here,” Draco muttered, dropping Hermione’s hand whilst he peered around. He started searching behind furniture, looking down the pathways, desperately trying to remember exactly where the bust was. Hermione did the same, muttering to herself the whole time about how students had no respect for their things… that was until she let out an excited squeak.

Book or Horcrux?

“I’ve got the Diadem. Woah, yeah, it’s definitely a Horcrux; I can feel the Dark magic.” She appeared from behind a splintered bookcase, carrying the Diadem with the sleeve of her jumper. Draco grabbed an old Quidditch flag and used it to wrap around the Horcrux so that Hermione could stuff it into her bag.

“Let’s go; there’s no reason to linger,” Draco said, steering Hermione back the way they had come. As they walked, Draco hesitantly broached the subject that had been playing on his mind since earlier that evening. “Hermione, what Potter said at the cottage… I want you to know that I do want that. I want you to be my girlfriend.”

“Are you counting this as a date?” she asked, brows furrowed but a look of amusement on her face.

He laughed. “Believe it or not, I think I’ve had worse dates. Does breaking into a school whilst dressed as fifth year purebloods to retrieve a piece of the Dark Lord’s soul not do it for you?”

“You could have at least bought me flowers.” She grinned at him.

“I promise when this is over, I will take you on a proper date and ask you to be my girlfriend properly… with flowers.”

“Won’t your parents have something to say about that?”

Father might…

“Mother is quite fond of you already… my father, well, I will handle him when the time comes.” Draco cringed slightly; that would not be a fun conversation. “How about your parents? Do you think they would approve of me?”

They probably know I used to bully her…

“Oh.” She took a deep breath. “Currently, they have no idea I exist. I obliviated them and sent them to Australia to keep them safe. I’m hoping when all this is over, I will be able to reverse the spell, although I’m not sure they will ever forgive me.”

What?!

Draco stopped walking to stare at her in horror. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s not the sort of thing I like bringing up.” She looked away from him.

“Hermione, I promise, when this is over, I will help you get your parents back.” He had never been so certain of anything in his life. It didn’t look like she could speak, so he pulled her into a hug and held her. She had been so good to him about his mother, even risking exposure by providing them with communication Galleons. He hadn’t once asked her about her own parents. “I’m sorry,” Draco told her, nuzzling his face into her hair.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Come on; we have to go,” Hermione said, pulling away. Draco quickly grabbed hold of her hand, not wanting to lose the contact.

Once the door came into view, Hermione threw the cloak over them and pulled out the map; there was no sign of anyone. Once they exited the Room of Hidden Things, they paced together, picturing the D.A. room, and once the door appeared they hurried through, wanting to get back to the safety of the cottage as quickly as possible.

Chapter Text

Rodolphus Lestrange

The little village of Godric’s Hollow was a quaint, picturesque place located in the West Country. You wouldn’t look at it and think that one of the most shocking moments in wizarding history took place there. Rodolphus remembered that day well; it was the day on which he finally stopped and saw the Dark Lord for what he was: a murderous psychopath who was obsessed with murdering a baby.

Rodolphus and Severus were crouched behind a hedge, opposite the Potter’s old house.

The house was invisible to Muggles but very much visible to them, and it was exactly as the Dark Lord left it: a ruin. Someone had added a plaque outside explaining the dreadful event that had taken place on that fateful night. Messages of support (and a few rude drawings) had been scribbled on various surfaces.

Rodolphus observed the house quietly; lots of things could have been done to prevent what happened here.

“I used to come here occasionally…” Severus muttered… “To apologise and beg for her forgiveness. If I hadn’t told the Dark Lord about the prophecy…”

“Saying sorry is meaningless when you take into account everything we’ve done; we don’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness. Actions are what matter, and the only thing we can do now is bring down the one who started it all,” Rodolphus told him solemnly.

… “And save those we can; even if it costs us our own lives,” Severus added.

Yes.

“Did you really have to ban me from drinking before this depressing chat? I would much rather be semi-conscious right now,” Rodolphus huffed.

“It’s rather odd being around you whilst you’re sober; I almost like you…” Severus told him.

Rodolphus saw a slight twitch at the corner of Severus’s mouth.

Is the miserable fucker cracking a joke?! Here, of all places!

He does like to choose his moments.

Rain began falling in thick droplets around them; Severus cast a Rain-Repellant Charm whilst grumbling about the bloody English weather.

The village wasn’t very big, consisting mainly of a pub, a church, some shops, and a few houses. Rodolphus cast his eyes around, trying to work out what their next move should be.

Can’t sit here all fucking night…

“We can’t risk being seen; Nagini may summon the Dark Lord,” Rodolphus started, speaking his thoughts out loud. “But it doesn’t look like she is actually in the Potter house; it is a ruin, after all, so she must be nearby.” He looked up and down the street, wondering which direction they should head first. “I still don’t understand why you want her alive. Why couldn’t we have just borrowed the Sword from Potter and cut her head off?”

Quick and easy. We could have a nice snake supper…

Although, there is a strong chance she might be infused with the Dark Lord’s sperm.

On second thought; scrap the snake supper.

“Do you know much about Nagini?” Severus asked him.

“Big snake, scary, nasty-looking teeth, eats people, evil, probably been fucked by the Dark Lord… I could go on.”

“Nagini is a Maledictus. She was a woman once, before she got stuck in her snake form…”

“You can’t be serious…” Rodolphus exclaimed, looking at Severus in shock.

“Deadly serious. Nagini was born in 1927 and was a circus performer for many years. I don’t know exactly how, or why, the Dark Lord acquired her, but she is one of his special artefacts… otherwise known as a Horcrux.”

“I suspected that’s what they were,” Rodolphus muttered, “but seven?! How?”

“Eight, actually…” Severus paused to let out a stressed breath. “Harry Potter is also a Horcrux, albeit an accidental one that neither he nor the Dark Lord knows about.”

“Fuck, Severus! FUCK!” Rodolphus exclaimed a bit louder than he meant to. He quickly looked around to make sure they hadn’t attracted any attention before continuing. “So Potter has to die in order for the Dark Lord to die?”

“‘Neither can live, whilst the other survives.’ The prophecy told us as much.” Severus took a deep breath, “Although, Horace and I have a theory, and we need Nagini to test it.”

Fuck, I could really do with a drink…

“Care to elaborate?”

Severus looked at him, clearly trying to decide whether to divulge the information or not.

“Severus, I took an Unbreakable Vow, and we both know we are nearing the end now; just be honest with me.”

Severus nodded slowly. “As you are no doubt aware, having studied Dark magic your whole life, a Horcrux is made when a soul fragment is imbedded within an object. These objects, although magical, are not living beings and so cannot be killed using a spell. Hence the need for Basilisk venom or the Sword imbued with said venom. However, the Dark Lord was the first wizard in history to create a Horcrux using a vessel that already had a soul of its own: a living being. My theory is this: if you cast a spell designed to kill a single soul, such as a Killing Curse, at the living vessel, then that spell has the ability to kill the soul fragment or the main soul. Given that a soul fragment is weaker, I believe that it would be destroyed, leaving the original host alive.”

Rodolphus blew out a breath. “That’s definitely an interesting theory…”

“I couldn’t save Lily, but I’m trying my best to save her son… even if I don’t like the annoying little shit very much.”

Typical.

“You don’t like anyone very much,” Rodolphus told him. Severus shrugged without responding, so Rodolphus continued, “So you need Nagini alive to test if she will survive the Killing Curse?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think we can just Accio her to us?” Rodolphus asked hopefully.

Severus rolled his eyes. “No. I suggest we act as though the Dark Lord has sent us. Let’s go up to the Potter’s house and call her. Hopefully, she won’t summon the Dark Lord straight away, giving us time to stun her and put her under a Stasis Spell. We will have to get out of here quickly; the Dark Lord is likely going to sense something is wrong through their connection.”

“Is that why you suggested Lucius and Narcissa stay in your office at Hogwarts this evening? You suspect the Dark Lord will learn we’ve been conspiring against him?”

“The moment we make this move, the Dark Lord will work out what has been happening and declare war. I have told Minerva to prepare.”

“I thought we were nearing the end; I didn’t realise this was it,” Rodolphus said, feeling a mixture of feelings. He desperately hoped he would be strong enough to do what needed to be done and put an end to this dark chapter in wizarding history once and for all. “What happens if your theory is not correct?”

“Then Mr. Potter has to sacrifice himself to save everyone.” Severus said, looking thoroughly exhausted.

“Fucking hell; that is not a decision any 17-year-old boy should have to make.” Rodolphus replied.

“Unfortunately, it is not a decision. You remember the Unbreakable Vow you made to me, Rodolphus? You promised to do whatever it took to bring down the Dark Lord. If it comes to it, one of us has to kill him.”

Fucking hell.

“I hate you for delivering that delightful news whilst I’m fucking sober,” Rodolphus groaned, running a hand roughly through his hair.

Severus was done talking; he looked up and down the quiet street again to make sure it was deserted. “Follow me.” He stood and walked purposefully towards the Potter’s house. Rodolphus followed behind, his wand clasped securely in his hand, ready to fire off a Stunning Spell.

“Nagini!” Severus called in little more than a whisper.

Come on, you creepy, cursed snake woman; get out here so we can get this over with.

The rain beat down relentlessly as they waited. A nearby lamp kept flickering, casting sinister shadows across the ground, making Rodolphus feel uneasy.

After a few minutes, Severus called Nagini’s name again, this time a bit louder.

“Sev, someone is coming,” Rodolphus warned, noting a little old lady walking slowly down the road towards them.

“Don’t call me Sev,” Severus snapped, his eyes fixed on the approaching figure.

“You are so fucking touchy about the most ridiculous things,” Rodolphus grumbled. Severus ignored him.

The wizened, old woman quietly shuffled closer. Did it strike Rodolphus as odd that this old lady would be out late at night, in the pouring rain, approaching two strange wizards? Yes, yes it did. As she came closer, Rodolphus could make out her features, and one thing became very clear: this woman was ill. Her skin was grey, her clothes tattered, and her eyes sunken. She also looked familiar, although Rodolphus had no idea why.

Just our luck to find a crazy old witch out for her evening jaunt around the town.

Severus slashed his wand through the air, and the woman flew backwards, landing on the wet pavement with a smack.

“Severus! Did you just attack an old woman?!” he demanded as they ran towards the body.

“Not just any old woman; this is Bathilda Bagshot,” Severus replied, kneeling down to examine her face.

“You just attacked the author of A History of Magic?! As if killing Albus Dumbledore didn’t lose you enough friends!”

“Unfortunately, Bathilda has been dead for a while…” Severus pointed his wand at the old lady and began muttering a spell under his breath.

“Are you animating her? I know you have been studying necromancy, but an old lady zombie is a bit weird. Let’s find you a nice, young…”

“Shut up,” Severus hissed.

Rodolphus’s eyes widened in horror as Bathilda’s mouth opened and Severus extracted a shrunken-down, stunned Nagini from inside of her.

Oh bloody fuck, no…

Rodolphus doubled over, clutching his stomach as he gagged. There wasn’t enough alcohol in existence to rid his mind of this fucking sight.

How the fuck does Severus look so calm?!

The Dark Lord killed this old woman and inserted his snake inside her…

Fuck, that sounds all kinds of wrong.

Severus cast a Stasis Charm over the snake just as a loud crack of apparition sounded nearby.

“Shit. Severus, we have to go,” Rodolphus snarled. Severus grabbed Nagini’s tail and Rodolphus’s arm just as a flash of something red hit Rodolphus in the shoulder. Pain engulfed his body, only heightened by the apparating, which pushed and pulled at him relentlessly. It was a welcome relief as the edges of his vision began darkening, and then there was nothing.

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

As if being back in the Forrest of Dean wasn’t enough, it was raining so hard that not even a Rain-Repellant Spell was enough to save his hair. He crossed his arms in annoyance as Hermione carefully place the Diadem onto the trunk of an uprooted tree. “I think this will be like the Cup,” she said as she moved back to join them. “I don’t think it will put up much of a fight, but it’s always best to be prepared.” Hermione gave him an encouraging smile, which he tried to return, although his irritation at the rain probably ruined the attempt. Potter had decided that he, Draco Malfoy, would get the privilege of destroying this Horcrux. Draco couldn’t tell if he was flattered or resentful at being given such a task.

“I like how Malfoy gets to destroy the easy Horcrux,” Weasley grumbled. “Try taking out a Locket once owned by Salazar Slytherin.”

Ah, he is being a man-child again; how delightful.

“I can’t believe you’re scared of a threesome,” Draco retorted. Of course, such a mature response earned him a scowl from Hermione.

“Just when I’d managed to push that memory to the deepest recesses of my mind, you just had to bring it up again,” Potter accused.

“You’re welcome,” Draco grinned.

“Stop stalling,” Hermione told him firmly.

Urgh. Fine, I will slay the bloody tiara.

He huffed and moved forward with the Sword of Gryffindor. The Dark magic crawled over his skin as he got close to the Diadem, but nothing else happened. As quickly as he could, he raised the Sword and swung it down, splintering the Diadem into multiple pieces. An almighty roar echoed around them, followed by a powerful gust of wind, which knocked him off his feet. Just as Draco was scrambling back up, a huge, smoky skull engulfed them, making it impossible to see.

Where is my smoky sex vision?!

That was much more fun.

Draco started crawling to where he thought Hermione had been. Muffled yelling could be heard nearby, but he couldn’t work out whose voice it was. From a short distance in front of him, he suddenly heard Hermione’s voice as she yelled a spell, and seconds later a warm breeze blew past him, clearing the smoke.

Easy Horcrux, my arse, Weasley!

“Well, well, well,” chuckled a cold male voice. “Look what we have here.”

Snatchers. Fuck.

Draco scrambled to his feet, taking in the scene before him with a racing heart. Weasley and Potter were both being held from behind by two middle-aged wizards in threadbare suits. Both Snatchers had their wands pointed at the throats of their captives, whilst a third Snatcher, slightly taller, with robes too small for him, strolled back and forth in front of Draco and Hermione.

“Thanks so much for making all that noise; it made our job a lot easier,” the Snatcher told them gleefully. “I would drop your wands unless you want your friends to die.”

Draco desperately tried to think of a plan, which mainly involved hoping that Hermione had thought of a plan. Suddenly, a loud crack drew his attention upwards, and a large tree branch came crashing down on top of the prowling Snatcher.

“No one threatens Mr. Potter or his friends!” Dobby screeched.

Thank fuck for crazy house-elves.

Draco whipped his wand at the Snatcher holding Weasley, sending a Stunning Spell straight into his forehead. If the Snatcher had been smarter, he would have used Weasley to shield himself; it’s what Draco would have done. However, the Snatcher seemed rather taken by surprise by the whole tree branch situation, and took the spell like a champ. He plummeted to the ground, taking an angry Weasley with him.

Hermione’s spell had missed the Snatcher holding Potter, but only because Potter had kneed his Snatcher in the balls, causing him to double over in pain. She recovered quickly and cast another Stunning Spell whilst Potter had the guy in a headlock, and the Snatcher fell to the ground in an unconscious heap.

“Thanks, Dobby!” Potter yelled into the tree.

The house-elf reappeared in front of them. “You is welcome, Sir.”

Draco picked up one of the Snatcher’s wands and threw it at Weasley. “Here you go; don’t say I never get you anything.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea; you should try them all to see which one works best!” Hermione exclaimed, looking around for the others.

“Don’t bother checking the guy that Dobby took out with the tree branch; his wand split apart under the impact,” Draco told them all helpfully.

Dobby looked chastised. “Mr. Potter is not angry with Dobby? Dobby didn’t mean to kill him, Sir!”

“No, Dobby; you didn’t kill him… just caused some extensive brain damage,” Potter reassured him. “Come on, let’s get out of here before anyone else shows up; we made quite a lot of noise.”

‘Extensive brain damage?!’ Oh, that’s ok then, no harm done…

“We had spells set up around the area; the Dark magic must have blasted through them,” Hermione noted, looking thoughtful.

A burning pain suddenly erupted on his forearm. “Shit, the Dark Lord is summoning his followers!” he growled.

“Let’s go.” Hermione grabbed hold of his hand and apparated them back to the cottage. She flew through the door and summoned his numbing cream.

“Thank goodness you’re back,” his mother announced from the sofas; it appeared she had been waiting for them.

“What’s the matter?” Potter demanded.

“Severus and Rodolphus found Nagini. They have her at Hogwarts, and the Dark Lord knows. You must come with me now.”

~~~~~~~~

Severus Snape

“Hold still!” Minerva snapped as she pointed her wand at the deep slice running across Rodolphus’s shoulder. He had been hit with a nasty curse that kept the wound it inflicted open; it was designed to make a person bleed out. McNair was particularly fond of this curse, so Severus assumed it was probably him that cast it.

“Just stun me,” Rodolphus insisted. He had not been best pleased about being rennervated before the curse had been dealt with, but it was easier to counter when the subject was awake.

Poor bastard. Maybe I should have let him have a drink after all.

Minerva muttered a few more counter-curses under her breath, then, seemingly content with the outcome, doused his arm in dittany.

“Fuck, that stings,” Rodolphus complained.

“Good,” Minerva replied.

“Minerva, he did just help me get Nagini…” Severus said, turning towards the snake.

Nagini thrashed around in the iron cage they had her contained in. The Dark Lord knew she had been captured by now, especially if the burning Dark Mark was anything to go by. At least the numbing cream took the edge off.

“No going back now,” Rodolphus muttered as Minerva covered the healing wound with a bandage and told him to put his shirt back on.

“How do you want to do this, Severus?” Minerva asked, eyeing Nagini nervously. “Harry and the others will be here soon, so if we are going to try this, we need to try it now.”

Severus peered at Horace, who was leaning against the potions desk, sweating profusely. “Horace?”

“This is not something that needs planning; you just need to cast an effective Killing Curse at her.” Horace wiped a handkerchief across his neck.

This better work.

Severus moved forwards with his wand gripped firmly in his hand.

Minerva quickly placed her hand on his. “Severus, I want you to know that whatever happens; you did everything you could… She would be proud of you.”

The words were like a punch to the gut; Severus had to occlude to avoid being overwhelmed.

“Severus…”

He turned his gaze to Rodolphus

… “I want you to know that whatever happens, I will never forgive you for banning me from drinking this evening.”

Severus huffed a laugh as Minerva sent a Stinging Jinx at Rodolphus’s ankle.

“Oww! Minerva, that was very uncalled for; have I not been through enough tonight?!”

Severus turned to Nagini, staring her in the eye as he waved his wand. “AVADA KEDAVRA.”

Horace and Minerva shielded their eyes as the bright light from the spell hit Nagini with such force that it flung her backwards against the bars. Her lifeless form hit the bottom of the cage and stayed there motionless.

Come on…

Please work…

Please…

Nagini didn’t move, didn’t even twitch; she just remained sprawled out on the floor of the cage. Horace hesitantly approached and reached through the bars to poke her with his wand.

“I… I don’t think it…” Horace didn’t need to finish the sentence. They all knew it hadn’t worked; Nagini was clearly dead.

Fuck…

Minerva let out a pained breath and asked, “Who should be the one to tell Harry?”

Severus turned away from the lifeless snake and leaned against Horace’s desk, being careful to keep his occlumency walls up. He needed to be able to function until the very end. He needed to make sure the Dark Lord was finished once and for all.

“We will both tell him.” He clenched his jaw and looked into Minerva’s tear-filled eyes. “When they arrive, we will take Mr. Potter up to my office and show him the memory.”

Minerva came to lean on the desk next to him. Her voice cracked as she choked out, “I have had a lot of hard conversations in my life, but I think this one is going to be the hardest.”

The sound of voices approaching from the end of the hallway cut off any response he may have had. Truthfully, he didn’t think he had a response anyway.

“Come on, Potter, you can’t tell me you haven’t done naughty things in the Astronomy Tower; it’s the number one spot… None of the teachers go up there,” he heard Draco saying.

“I never have! Why is that so hard to believe?!”

“I have…”

“Shut up, Ron. No one wants to hear about you snogging Lavender.”

Severus marvelled at how normal the conversation was; it was the type of conversation that teenagers should be having. There was a part of him that wished Potter had run away so that Severus wouldn’t have to do this. It was a cowardly thought. He could feel Minerva shaking next to him, trying to draw in deep breaths to keep herself together. Unfortunately for her, she was not very good at Occlumency. The door to the potions classroom was pushed open, and they all came, smiling happily. Snape had barely opened his mouth before…

“AVADA KEDAVRA.”

The green light from the Killing Curse flew past the side of his head and hit Potter in the chest. Severus watched, completely stunned, as Potter flew backwards into Draco, who grabbed him as they both fell to the floor in a heap. A choked noise escaped Granger as she looked from the lifeless body of her best friend to Rodolphus standing behind Severus. Severus spun on the spot, grabbing Rodolphus by the collar and slamming him into the wall with his wand at the man’s throat.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t finish you right now,” Severus snarled.

Rodolphus flicked his eyes towards Nagini’s cage. “Severus, look at the snake.”

“Oh my lord!” he heard Horace exclaim.

Severus slowly turned towards the cage to see Nagini curled in the corner, watching him quietly, very much alive.

It can’t be…

“You did it,” Rodolphus choked out. Severus looked back at him in shock.

“No, Mr. Weasley!” Minerva cast a shield as a spell came towards them.

“He killed Harry!” Weasley screamed, raw emotion filling his words.

Severus slowly let go of Rodolphus and turned back to the new arrivals. Draco had Potter in his lap, his arm wrapped around a distraught-looking Granger. He turned to Weasley, who was trying with all his might to break through Minerva’s shield by throwing every spell he could think of at it.

“Stop! Potter is not dead,” Severus said calmly. “Give him a few minutes.”

Come on, Potter; don’t keep us waiting.

“What the hell are you talking about, you traitor!” Weasley spat at him. “Lestrange just killed him with a Killing Curse!”

Rodolphus, for the first time in his life, decided that silence was the best course of action.

“Mr. Weasley! Please stop!” Minerva slashed her wand, disarming him with ease.

“Someone explain what’s going on; why are you saying that Potter isn’t dead?” Draco demanded. He shot an angry look at Rodolphus, who was now lounging against Nagini’s cage, twirling his wand about casually.

“Urgh, well that fucking sucked!” Potter groaned loudly.

Severus was quite sure he almost witnessed Granger have an actual heart attack, and Draco didn’t look to be faring much better.

Thank Salazar…

Horace bent down to examine Potter, taking his pulse and making sure everything was working as it should. The immense feeling of relief flooding through Severus completely demolished his occlumency walls and pushed the remnants of the shock away. He turned to Minerva with a triumphant smile on his face, and if Minerva hadn’t been so overwhelmed, Severus thought that she may have attempted to hug him. Severus was so elated; he might have let her.

“Fuck me, I didn’t even know you could smile like that,” Rodolphus exclaimed.

Severus rounded on him. “What the fuck was that?!” he demanded, pointing at Potter.

Rodolphus scoffed. “What was your plan?” He put on a high-pitched mocking voice, “Oh, excuse me, Mr. Potter, do you mind if I throw a Killing Curse at you to dislodge the piece of old-man-soul from up your arse? Don’t worry; it won’t kill you! Look, here is a snake I experimented on; she is absolutely fine!” He let out a laugh. “My way was much better; get it over with quickly so we can all get on with our evening. Anyway, you told me tonight that one of us would have to do it; I saved you the trauma of potentially killing the son of the woman you…” Rodolphus abruptly cut off at the look on Severus’s face.

“What?!” Potter gasped.

“Potter was a Horcrux?” Draco asked, helping Potter up from the floor.

“Harry wasn’t a Horcrux!” Weasley scoffed.

Severus saw Granger staring at him. “You suspected?” He raised an eyebrow at her.

“I…” She swallowed as her friends stared at her… “thought it was odd that Harry had such a strong connection to You-Know-Who, but there were no recorded cases of a living person being made into a Horcrux. I thought it was impossible!”

Impressively perceptive; it’s a shame she is so annoying.

“How long have you known?” Draco asked him.

“A while. I’ve been looking into it with Horace…” He nodded towards Nagini… “Earlier this evening we tested a theory on Nagini.”

“What theory?” Granger asked.

Always asking bloody questions.

“You just can’t help yourself, can you?! You always need to know everything, such an annoying little know-it-all,” he snapped.

“Severus! Given the circumstances, I think it’s perfectly reasonable for Miss Granger to ask questions.” Minerva gave him an angry look. She never had liked his teaching methods… since they mainly involved Severus talking and all the students being quiet, asking no questions, and generally portraying an air of misery at the whole situation.

He sighed. “Nagini is a Maledictus. She was once a woman, and over time her curse forced her to remain in snake form. A Killing Curse is designed to snuff out a single soul; my theory was that if you cast a Killing Curse at a living form containing two souls, it would likely kill the weaker one. A Horcrux is made up of a soul fragment; therefore, it should be weaker.”

Potter moved towards Nagini cautiously. She remained in the back of her cage, watching him with interest. He began hissing and spitting.

Severus recognised the language immediately; Potter was speaking in Parseltongue.

The room watched silently transfixed as they exchanged in a brief conversation.

“Your theory was mostly correct, although we both had the same experience. We went to an in-between place; for me Dumbledore was there, for her it was someone named Credence, and we were given a choice. We had to choose to live in order to come back.”

Interesting…

Potter engaged in another hissed conversation with Nagini. “She came back so that you would know your theory was correct. She has requested that we send her back home to Indonesia.”

“We will see what we can do,” Minerva assured Nagini, “but I’m afraid right now, we must focus on tomorrow; there is still a battle to plan for.”

“Potter…” Rodolphus whispered loud enough for them all to hear… “Ask if the Dark Lord ever fucked her.”

“Rodolphus!” Minerva chastised as Nagini hissed angrily.

“Oh come on, we’ve all wondered…” Rodolphus looked at the unimpressed faces… “Fine, carry on lying to yourselves.”

Potter turned to Rodolphus, choosing to ignore the last request. “For what it’s worth; I actually appreciated the way you did it.”

“Finally! Some appreciation!” Rodolphus declared. “Let’s celebrate with a drink!”

“No,” Snape told him.

“Well this was a really fucked up way to welcome us back to school,” Draco exclaimed, pulling Granger against his chest and wrapping his arms around her waist. Severus saw Weasley side-eyeing the situation.

After all these months of getting verbal updates, I now have a front row seat to the drama.

This should not amuse me as much as it does.

Chapter Text

Draco Malfoy

“Where are you taking me? I’m pretty sure I’m in shock after what just happened; I probably need some kind of hot drink,” Hermione whispered as he led her down the Defense Against the Dark Arts corridor.

“Hermione, we might die tomorrow; there is no time to waste.” Draco grinned at her confused expression.

She is so adorable when she’s confused.

He pulled her to a stop outside Snape’s classroom door. “Snape was very rude to you tonight; he accused you of being an ‘annoying little know-it-all.’ Doesn’t that make you angry?”

She eyed the classroom door suspiciously. “I was on the receiving end of those comments for six years; I’m used to it.”

Draco smirked, “Six years of all those snarky comments. Don’t you think it’s time for some payback?” He kicked open the classroom door. “Do you know what a Slytherin would do?”

She stared at him with wide eyes as he leaned forward to whisper in her ear, “We are going to fuck on his desk.”

“You can’t be serious!” She looked around the corridor like someone might be listening. Luckily for them, all the younger students were being evacuated out via the Portrait of Ariana Dumbledore, and everyone else was either gathered in the Great Hall or off enjoying their own little we-might-die-tomorrow rendezvous. Potter had run off to find Female Weasley very quickly after his near fatal experience.

“I am deadly serious.” He grabbed her hips, maneuvering her back through the door with ease.

She huffed a laugh. “We have to be quick; there are lots of people I need to see,” she muttered, pulling his face towards hers as they met in a heated kiss. Draco wasted no time kicking the door shut and relieving them both of their clothes. He could do quick! (He could also do slow, just in case you were getting the wrong idea.) Draco guided her backwards towards the desk, and Hermione giggled as her thighs hit the wood. He scooped her up to lay her on top.

She looked down at the parchment she was sitting on. “Urgh, the ink is going to stain my arse!”

Draco peered down at the scribbles. “At least I will know where to look if I ever need 10 ways to take down a vampire.”

She laughed, “How very useful.”

Draco spread her legs as he cast a Contraception Charm and Lubrication Spell on both of them. “If you are uncomfortable, tell me,” he breathed into her hair as he let his hand wander down between her legs. He scooped up some lube and began gently rubbing her clit.

“I will.” She apparently took being quick very seriously, as she grabbed his cock and lined him up with her entrance. Not wanting to keep her waiting, as that would be rude, and Draco prided himself on being polite (most of the time), he pushed forward.

She breathed heavily as he began moving.

“Touch yourself for me,” he pleaded.

Her eyes met his as her hand lowered between her legs.

“Fuck,” he breathed, thrusting faster.

She worked her fingers fast, rubbing in circular motions as he thrust. He couldn’t look away; it was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

“Draco,” she breathed.

Please don’t tell me to stop…

“Yes?”

“I want you to cum in his inkpot.”

Err…

“What did you just say?!”

“I want you to cum in his inkpot. It will serve him right for all the mean things he has said to me over the years.”

Draco thrust harder. For some unfathomable reason, her words had managed to turn him on even more. “I’m quite sure he has saved Potter on more than one occasion, and there is probably some unwritten rule about never ejaculating in a fellow man’s inkpot.”

“Fuck the rules.”

Fuck.

Fuck the rules.

“I fucking love it when you swear. Get the inkpot ready.”

She grabbed it with one hand whilst the other grabbed his arse, gripping tightly as his thrusts became erratic.

“Now.” He pulled out, and she grabbed his cock, pumping it towards the inkpot. It wasn’t exactly a surprise that he didn’t manage to get much in the inkpot, but the outside was definitely decorated with his sperm. Draco’s hand dropped between Hermione’s legs as she used her wand to guide the sperm inside; she was nothing if not thorough when she set her mind to something. Draco circled her clit firmly until she tensed, swearing loudly as the orgasm took her.

“That was one of the most fucked up things I have ever done,” he told her. “And I’ve wanked over pictures of Zabini’s mother attending a funeral, so that’s saying something.”

“You did not!”

“Have you ever seen Zabini’s mother?”

“No.”

“You can’t judge me, then.”

They quickly cast a few spells to freshen up, put their clothes back on, and left the classroom like nothing had happened. Draco sneaked a look, and Hermione did indeed have a number of ways to take down a vampire printed on her arse.

“Where have you two been?” Potter asked as they scurried back to the Great Hall, trying to act like they hadn’t just had a rather fun time defiling Snape’s desk, or more notably, his inkpot.

“Nowhere,” Hermione said quickly.

“HERMIONE!” A blur, mainly made up of red hair, slammed into her.

“Ginny!” Hermione gasped. “I’m so glad you’re ok; I heard the Carrows…” She trailed off, looking pained. “Well, apparently McGonagall has dealt with them, so at least they won’t hurt anyone else.”

“Do you know what she did with them?” Female Weasley asked, looking positively ecstatic.

Hopefully something painful.

“No?”

“She immobilised them with Petrificus Totalus and locked them in a charms classroom with Peeves. If you listen at the door, you can hear him cackling maniacally at whatever he is doing. Fred and George keep sending in Nearly Headless Nick with suggestions…”

“Incredible,” Hermione laughed.

“The snitch opened,” Potter told them, “revealing the Resurrection Stone, just like we predicted.”

“So it was actually in there then,” Draco noted with a smile. “I can’t believe Dumbledore managed to acquire all of the Deathly Hallows.”

“They were not all intentional acquisitions,” Potter noted. “Snape is rather annoyed because Dumbledore’s Portrait was rather chatty with me just now…”

“You were always his favourite.” Draco rolled his eyes.

“Jealousy is very unbecoming,” Potter told him snootily. “Anyway, turns out the Resurrection Stone was in the ring Horcrux that Dumbledore destroyed. The reason he put it on was because he heard his sister’s voice telling him to do it. I didn’t even know he had a sister, or a brother… He didn’t seem to want to elaborate, and I didn’t push. It turns out that the Stone doesn’t just have the power to resurrect people from the dead, it also allows you to talk briefly to the spirits of those who have died. I figured that anyone who wants to use the Resurrection Stone before the battle tomorrow should have the chance. So it’s in the headmaster’s office; the gargoyle is letting one person up at a time. You guys could use it if you want.”

“Maybe,” Hermione said hesitantly.

A rather cunning plan formed in Draco’s mind. “I think I will.”

Potter shifted awkwardly, looking at Female Weasley. “Urm, not that we don’t want to stand around and chat, but me and Gin have something to do…”

Probably each other…

“Of course; you go. We can catch up later,” Hermione told them.

“Ferret,” Female Weasley nodded at him somewhat reluctantly as she went to leave.

“Potter,” he called. “Avoid Snape’s classroom…”

Potter frowned at him. “Why?”

“Well, not the classroom so much; just avoid the inkpot,” Granger giggled next to him.

“That is all kinds of wrong; I’m sure there is an unwritten rule about that.”

“That's what I said! Hermione told me to fuck the rules, and what the lady wants, the lady gets,” he smirked.

“I think he is a bad influence on you, Hermione.”

Hopefully…

“What did he do to the inkpot?” Female Weasley asked.

“Filled it with something that wasn’t ink,” Hermione winked at her.

~~~~~~~~

Rodolphus Lestrange

“If you don’t get up those stairs, Rodolphus, I will Imperio you and force you up.” Severus pointed up the winding staircase to the headmaster’s office.

“Did you just threaten me with a good time?” He was deflecting; they both knew it. Severus didn’t even bother with a response, just kept staring at him. “Can I, at least, have some of the good wine whilst I’m up there?”

“Whatever you want. I don’t care as long as you pick up the Stone.”

Rodolphus took a dramatic breath as he made his way past the gargoyle and up the spiral staircase, feeling rather apprehensive. What if he picked up the Stone and no one appeared? There wouldn’t be enough wine in the entire castle to deal with that kick in the balls. He wouldn’t be surprised either; he didn’t deserve any comfort given all the pain he had caused others over the years. When he stepped into the headmaster’s office, he paused and took a deep breath. It would be even worse if he did see people. Saw him.

What if he hates me?

“Urgh.” He leaned against the wall for a moment and closed his eyes.

Did he really need to do this? Why should he be given this chance when there were others much more deserving…

“I can see you trying to talk yourself out of it.”

He opened his eyes to see Phineas observing him from his Portrait.

“What good will it do?” He rubbed his forehead, trying to relieve some of the tension.

“It’s not about doing good; it’s about bringing closure,” the Portrait of Albus Dumbledore informed him with a kind smile.

“I will have closure soon enough.”

“You will indeed,” Albus said, nodding towards the Stone. “Don’t waste this, Rodolphus.”

Rodolphus made his way slowly towards the desk, eyeing the shiny grey Stone in the open golden snitch. It looked too small and innocuous to hold the amount of power he knew it possessed. He leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of it, and closed his eyes again. The Stone felt smooth as he ran his fingers over it. After taking another deep breath, he closed his hand and waited for something to happen.

Of course no one came.

I should have known.

“Are you going to turn around, or do I have to talk to the back of your head?”

That voice.

Rodolphus squeezed his eyes shut, not daring to turn around, not even daring to breathe as the weight on his chest became almost unbearable.

“Look at me, Rodolphus.”

Do it.

You owe him that much.

A choked sob escaped him as he turned and looked into the ghostly face of Regulus Black. He was just as Rodolphus remembered him: roguish smile, dishevelled (yet stylish) black hair, mischievous eyes, and an aura that just emanated warmth.

“Hey,” Regulus greeted with a cautious smile.

“Hi,” he breathed.

“Thank you for picking up the Stone and allowing me this chance to speak with you.”

“I don’t know why you want to speak to me… I failed you.” He swallowed painfully, trying to fight the tears threatening to escape.

Regulus sighed sadly. “A lot of people, including you, believe that the Dark Lord killed me. That is the story he told everyone, after all. I suppose in some ways it is true, albeit indirectly.” Rodolphus frowned at him in confusion; the Dark Lord had taken great pride in telling his followers that he had killed Regulus for turning his back on the cause and betraying them all. “The truth is, I found out about his Horcruxes and attempted to steal one in order to destroy it. Unfortunately for me, I was drowned by a horde of Inferi that had been created by the Dark Lord to protect it. My house-elf, who had assisted me, managed to get out with the Horcrux, but he was unable to destroy it. For years it sat at Grimmauld Place gathering dust, until one day, it was stolen and ended up in the hands of Dolores Umbridge.”

Rodolphus fell back against the desk, using it for support. “The Locket.”

Severus, that sneaky bastard.

“You did not fail me, Rodolphus; you helped finish what I started years ago. You retrieved the Locket and delivered it to someone who was finally able to destroy it. Not only that, but you then went on to find another Horcrux and destroyed the one that was accidentally created, saving the life of an innocent boy.”

Not sure how innocent Potter is; saw him sneaking into the Owlery with his girl.

Who the hell fucks in an Owlery?

“Severus said it had to be me; he told me that I had to be the one to get the Locket. He knew, didn’t he?”

Regulus nodded. “I think it was his way of giving you some closure.”

“After you… I blamed the wrong people, I killed and tortured so many…” The tears couldn’t be held back any longer; he didn’t even bother to wipe them away.

“I know,” Regulus said sadly. “And you can’t take that back, but you also faced your demons, and instead of running away, you stood and fought back. Fought for what is right. You played a big part in ensuring that the Dark Lord can be destroyed for good.”

He swallowed as he met Regulus’s gaze. “I make the same promise to you that I made to Sev. I promise I will do whatever it takes to bring him down.”

“You know Severus doesn’t like it when you call him Sev.” Regulus smiled in amusement as he drifted closer. “It’s time for me to go, but I will see you soon.”

Rodolphus could only nod as he placed the Stone carefully back into the Snitch. It took a few moments to pull himself together, watched carefully by the Portraits, who all remained respectfully quiet. He eyed the Pensieve, considering the good wine; he felt he deserved a bottle…

“He moved it,” Dumbledore informed him.

“Of course he fucking did,” Rodolphus huffed.

He saw Severus waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Rodolphus approached him and clasped his shoulder. “I know; you don’t like being touched, but please allow it just this once…”

Severus gave him a shrug like it didn’t much matter right now.

“You are a sneaky bastard, you know that?” Rodolphus told him.

Severus shrugged again, looking uncomfortable.

“Thank you, Severus. Not many people see all that you have done and all that you have sacrificed, but I do, and I appreciate it.”

Severus swallowed. “I trust your meeting went well then?”

“Up until the point when Albus informed me that you had moved the good wine, yes.”

Severus chuckled. “It’s now hidden behind his Portrait; you are welcome to it, Rodolphus.”

Rodolphus sighed. “You know, I think I will pass; I want a clear head tomorrow. Now, go and take your turn. If you need me to hold you whilst you cry later, I will be in the Astronomy Tower having the worst kind of breakdown… one that involves me hating myself whilst being sober.” He shuddered.

~~~~~~~~

Severus Snape

The only person that Severus wanted to see when he picked up the Resurrection Stone was Lily. There was a strong chance, however, that she would not want to see him. The friendship she offered him through childhood should have been enough, but it wasn’t. Perhaps if she had found love with anyone other than James Potter, Severus might have dealt with things better. Even now, coming to terms with the fact that she had married his school bully was hard. But as you grow older, you see things more clearly, and Severus saw now that Lily would never have loved him in the way he loved her. None of the hurt he experienced would ever excuse the fact that he had betrayed her.

Severus entered his office quietly and approached the desk. He hoped he wasn’t making a mistake as he reached out and closed his hand around the Resurrection Stone.

He was full of nerves, which were intensifying by the second, making him feel nauseous. He apprehensively scanned the room, his breath catching in his throat as a transparent being materialised. Severus would recognise Lily anywhere with her long hair and warm smile. A smile that she was currently bestowing upon him, making his chest ache painfully.

“I’m sorry, Lily,” he gasped.

She moved closer. “There is only one person who should be uttering those words, Severus, and it isn’t you.”

“I joined him…” He broke off as emotion threatened to overwhelm him. He could have occluded, but he didn’t; he wanted to feel the pain.

I deserve this pain.

“You betrayed him, and you continue to betray him in order to bring an end to his darkness. In some ways, what you have done is so much harder than what anyone else has. The role you have played is so isolating, and I know you have always been isolated, but you sacrificed so much. You had so many opportunities to walk away, to push him from your mind and find happiness, but you never did; you kept fighting.”

“There was no happiness without you.”

“There could have been.” She smiled sadly. “I am sorry that I hurt you, Severus, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you in the way you wanted.”

He nodded as a tear ran down his cheek. “I know, and I know you said not to utter the words, but I need you to know that I am sorry, so sorry, for everything.”

“Thank you for protecting Harry…” She paused to chuckle… “in your own way.”

“When I first met him, he looked so much like James that I took an instant dislike to him. I half expected him to start calling me Snively.” He huffed a laugh. “But he never did, and as the years have gone by, I realised he holds a lot of your kindness, which was even harder to deal with. I protected him when I was able to, for your sake, but I’m ashamed to say that I have not been very nice to him.”

“He is going to need you in this final battle, Severus. Please be there for him one more time.” Her eyes shone with emotion.

Severus choked back a sob. “Always.”

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

Snape barely made eye contact as he swept down the spiral staircase and away down the corridor, his robes flaring out dramatically behind him. Draco noted his facial expression, though; he looked pained. He didn’t know who Snape might have seen; the man was painfully private and had never mentioned his family, but Draco hoped the meeting had given Snape what he needed.

Draco felt momentarily guilty; he planned to use the Resurrection Stone for selfish reasons. He supposed that by tomorrow evening they might all be dead, so it probably didn’t matter.

“Are you sure you don’t want to use it?” Draco asked Hermione. “You could go up first.”

“I’m sure. You go; I will wait here,” she insisted. He pulled her into a hug, kissing the top of her head as her arms wrapped around him, and they held each other for a moment.

The office was quiet when he entered, even the Portraits refrained from talking as he approached the desk and picked up the Stone.

“Fancy disturbing me; I was having a wonderful nap,” the spirit of Druella smiled at him in amusement.

“Don’t act like this isn’t the highlight of your afterlife, Grandmother.”

She shrugged. “It’s up there, I suppose.”

Well, might as well jump right in.

“I was hoping you might do me a favour…” he began.

“Oh, I know exactly what you want from me,” she chuckled, floating closer. “Does your father really intimidate you that much?”

Yes!

Draco sighed. “It’s just easier this way. You know he’s terrified of you.”

She laughed at that. “Yes, Lucius always was rather fun to play with. Very well here you go: I, Druella Black, give my grandson, Draco Malfoy, my full blessing to court, date, marry, impregnate…”

“Steady on!”

… “Don’t interrupt! As I was saying: impregnate, give space in the family crypt to, add onto blood wards, provide a vault key to, and love, Hermione Jean Granger.” She paused and added as an afterthought. “And if Lucius Malfoy has a problem with that, I shall haunt him until the end of his days… and then some more when he reaches the afterlife.”

That should do it.

“Thank you, Grandmother.”

“If the younger me could have heard what I just said, I probably would have offed myself.”

“Good thing wisdom comes with age then,” he smirked.

She huffed a laugh. “Draco, keep Miss Granger and your friends by your side tomorrow. I have no doubt you will make it through… I certainly don’t want you here; there can only be one spirit with exceptional hair.”

“Noted. Although, just in case I don’t make it, can you make sure there is a Cosmopolitan waiting for me on the other side?”

“Metropolitan,” Phineas said randomly.

He frowned up at the Portrait. “No, the fruity cocktails I like are called Cosmopolitans…”

“Huh.” Phineas looked a bit embarrassed and began examining his frame.

Weird.

Druella chuckled again. “Of course, darling.”

“Thank you,” Draco told her warmly as he moved to put the Resurrection Stone back.

“Darling…”

He paused to look at her

… “My cottage was empty long enough, don’t you think?”

Chapter Text

Rodolphus Lestrange

Rodolphus leaned on the railing at the top of the Astronomy Tower, looking out over the grounds of Hogwarts. Everything was still and peaceful; even the giant squid was lazily swimming about in the Black Lake like he didn’t have a care in the world. Unfortunately, it would not remain that way for long; very soon, the Dark Lord and his army would be here. Rodolphus and Snape had spent a long time last night with members of the Order, going over the plan. They were as prepared as they could be.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t realise someone was up here.”

Rodolphus looked over his shoulder to see Harry Potter watching him cautiously. The Boy Who Lived, The Chosen One, and a founding member of the 3am Club.

“I don’t think a celebrity has ever voluntarily spoken to me before.” He turned back to look out over the grounds again.

He heard Potter scoff. “You sound just like Snape; he called me a celebrity once.”

“Don’t say that. Severus is no fun at all; sounding like him is actually quite an insult.”

Potter chuckled and joined him at the railing. “Can I ask you something?”

Please don’t ask about my date with The Pink Demon.

I would quite like my balls to be with me in battle today.

“Since you asked so nicely.”

“Why did you change sides? I’ve heard some stories about you from the First Wizarding War; you were…” Potter broke off, looking awkward, clearly trying to think of a polite way of saying whatever it was that he wanted to say.

“Deadly, cruel, murderous…” Rodolphus huffed a laugh… “There are many words for what I was; you don’t need to be polite.”

“Right.” Potter looked at him curiously, waiting for an answer.

Rodolphus looked at Potter, really looked at him. The boy had been through too much for someone his age, and yet he was still willing to listen, still willing to give Rodolphus a chance to explain. He rubbed the stubble on his chin. “Normally I would insist on a drink before telling this story, but I promised Severus I wouldn’t drink before battle.”

“I won’t tell him,” Potter smirked.

“I like you,” Rodolphus declared, turning back to look over the Hogwarts grounds. “My path in life was decided for me long before I had even been born. My father went to school with Tom Riddle and was one of his original Knights; that is what his followers were called before they were affectionately re-named Death Eaters. The entire Lestrange family was committed to the Dark Lord and his cause, believing that purebloods were better than everyone else, that we were meant to rule, and that Muggle-borns were scum. I was not born into a life of choice. I wasn’t given the option to form my own opinions or thoughts; I was brainwashed from the day I was born and desperate to prove myself worthy of the Lestrange name. Do you know what my birthday present was when I turned five?” He looked at Potter, who watched him in silence. “A marriage contract to Bellatrix Black… Lucky me! Although she wasn’t always like she is now.

“So yes, choice was never something I had. Anyway, I was determined to make my father proud, and I did my duty the best I could; I even became favoured by the Dark Lord. It was your godfather who ultimately paved the way for my journey of self-discovery. Sirius Black was disowned by his family for turning his back on the old ways, and there were concerns that his brother Regulus would do the same.

“The Dark Lord instructed me to be a friend to Regulus, a mentor, if you will. I was to take him under my wing and make sure he stayed on the right path. He was 14 when I first became his mentor, and I was 22; he became like a little brother to me. Regulus, like me, was very keen to make his family proud. He believed what we were doing was right, but he also wasn’t afraid to question things. Those questions got him into trouble on numerous occasions; I covered for him a lot and took his punishments when I could. He hated seeing me in pain, hated it even more because he didn’t understand why the Dark Lord was punishing people for questioning his methods. As he got older, he became privy to the Dark Lord’s more questionable methods, and he made it clear to me that he didn’t agree with them. I did my best to convince him to keep his head down, but he couldn’t stand the thought of innocents being murdered.”

Rodolphus took a deep breath before he continued; this next part was painful. “When he turned 17, he confessed that he had feelings for me. I hadn’t even thought about him that way; I was older and already married. Plus, at the time, I hadn’t come to terms with the fact I might be gay; again, my sexuality was not a choice. Regulus wanted us to defect; he told me that the Dark Lord was not a person we should be putting our trust in.”

How right he was…

Rodolphus let out a sad laugh. “Do you know what I did, Potter? I told him to pull himself together. I said that if he carried on talking that way, he would get us both killed. As the months following his confession passed by, I started seeing him differently. I couldn’t stop thinking about him; my eyes immediately sought him out; I’d watch him, and I continued to lie for him. I knew he was up to something, but I didn’t ask him what; I didn’t want to know. Then he went missing, and a few days later the Dark Lord announced that he had killed Regulus for betraying him. It broke me; I was so consumed with grief. I hated myself, and I needed someone or something to blame, so I blamed the Order. I convinced myself that the Order had brainwashed Regulus, and they were the reason he was dead. I took out all my anger, my grief, my hatred on anyone from that side. I captured, I tortured, I murdered, and I did it all willingly. You won’t hear many people say that Azkaban was good for them, but for me it was. It forced me to stop, to think, and to come to terms with… everything.

“I have a lot of regrets: I regret blindly believing in something I didn’t understand, I regret all the pain and suffering I caused, I regret not listening to Regulus when he tried to show me the truth, and I regret not telling him that I loved him. We never got a chance to explore what kind of love it might have been, but I suspect we could have been very happy under different circumstances.”

“The Resurrection Stone… Did you see Regulus?” Potter asked.

Rodolphus nodded. “He was kinder than I deserved. I am not looking for forgiveness; I don’t think I deserve it, but I will fight tomorrow for Regulus and everyone else who lost their lives to this evil regime. And if for some reason I end up surviving, I will go back to Azkaban without argument.”

“I understand,” Potter said quietly, looking out towards the Dark Forrest. “I wish your life could have been different.”

Rodolphus watched him for a moment. He was glad Severus had found a way to save Harry Potter. The boy was pretty decent, as far as teenagers went.

“Can I ask you another question?”

Rodolphus nodded. “Ask away.”

“You said Bellatrix wasn’t always like she is now. What happened?”

“The Dark Lord happened. Bellatrix was obsessed with him from a very young age, and the Dark Lord just loves to find cruel ways to play with his followers. Physical torture didn’t work on Bellatrix as well as mental torture did; he manipulated her in ways I can’t even describe. He broke her down, then built her up, only to break her down again. She was so obsessed, so dependent on him, that none of us could get through to her. The woman she once was no longer exists. There is no saving my wife, I learnt that long ago.”

Potter stared at him for a long moment. “Thank you for telling me all of this.”

“Are you prepared to face him?” Rodolphus asked.

“I’m not sure if you can ever be prepared to face the darkest wizard of all time…”

Rodolphus shrugged. “Severus will be there.”

“That’s another thing I don’t get. He hates me; I don’t understand why he has gone out of his way to help…”

“Severus was rather close with your mother…”

Potter’s mouth dropped open at that statement.

Rodolphus grinned… “Maybe he will share his story with you one day, but don’t force it from him; he can be… prickly.”

“Don’t I know it.” Potter rubbed his forehead, like all this information had given him a headache.

“Severus is a good man,” Rodolphus told him seriously.

“I think maybe you are too,” Potter replied.

“Don’t fucking tell anyone that; you will ruin my reputation.” Rodolphus pushed away from the railing. “I need to go and write a few letters; I will leave you to your thoughts.”

“Rodolphus,” Potter called. “Don’t use the inkpot on Snape’s classroom desk…”

Rodolphus snorted in amusement. “It’s very rude to mess with a man’s inkpot, Potter.”

“Tell that to Malfoy… Draco, I mean.”

Fucking Draco…

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

Members of the Order of the Phoenix, led by Kingsley Shacklebolt, McGonagall, and Snape, were standing at the end of the Great Hall preparing to deliver a speech about what was to come. A lot of witches and wizards had come to fight, and a lot of 6th and 7th year students had stayed behind to assist. Luckily, the evacuation of the younger students had been a success. They’d been escorted through the passageway to the Hog’s Head, where Hagrid had taken them to a safe house, the location of which was known only to him. Dobby was also organising an evacuation of the house-elves from the kitchen; he was escorting them to the cottage, so God only knew how tidy the place was going to be if she ever saw it again.

“An hour ago, I activated the Hogwarts defences,” McGonagall began. Indeed, she had shocked them all by casting Piertotum Locomotor, which had animated all the school statues. “These defences, along with the Protective Spells, will complete the first stage of the plan. Everyone is to remain in the school whilst these protection protocols are in effect.”

McGonagall looked to Snape, indicating that he should continue.

“Before the apparition wards fall, we will disable them…” Snape began.

Interesting…

There was a lot of muttering about this.

… “allowing the Dark Lord and his followers to advance on the school unhindered. They will encounter secondary wards in the courtyard outside the main doors. When they reach that point, we will reveal some information to his followers and give them a choice to leave. I imagine quite a few of them will. Once their choice has been made, we will re-activate the apparition wards to prevent the Dark Lord escaping. That is when Mr. Potter and myself will kill the Dark Lord for good. If all goes to plan, his numbers will be significantly reduced, and the fighting should not last long.”

Severus looked towards Kingsley Shacklebolt, who stepped forward.

“You are to work in teams of at least two; one person shields whilst the other person casts,” Kingsley instructed. “Cast to incapacitate, but if you are left with no choice, then you should cast to kill. If you or your team-mate is injured, you are to retreat to the main doors, where a member of the medical team, led by Madam Pomfrey, will assist you.”

“Can I be on your team?” Draco whispered in her ear after the speech concluded.

“Maybe,” she grinned at him as Harry rolled his eyes.

“Jealous, Potter? You can join too if you want; we know you like to third wheel.”

“Oh, I’m interrupting… “ Narcissa Malfoy gave them all a coy look as she sat down next to Hermione… “You know, triads were all the rage in the 20’s.”

Huh?

“Oh, no, Mother, that isn’t what this is; we were just joking around,” Draco quickly cut in with a laugh.

“What’s a triad?” Hermione mouthed to him behind her hand so that Narcissa couldn’t see.

“Three way relationship,” he mouthed back, not bothering to cover his mouth.

Narcissa laughed.

What?!

“Oh God! That’s definitely not what this is, Mrs. Malfoy!”

“Like I would want to be paired with you two today. I’d have to do all the work whilst you made eyes at each other across the battlefield,” Harry snipped.

“I will be paired with Mr. Potter,” Snape cut in as he approached them.

Well, that’s going to be interesting…

“On second thought, I will happily third wheel. Sorry, Snape, I’m already taken; it’s a triad thing.” Harry gave him an apologetic smile that definitely wasn’t genuine.

“It’s sweet that you think you have a choice,” Snape muttered, turning to leave.

“Bet you’re glad we messed with his inkpot now,” Hermione said, laughing at the disgruntled look on Harry’s face.

“No! Jesus, Hermione, that’s just messed up,” Harry told her.

“The inkpot was definitely messed up until Hermione used a spell to squeeze everything inside,” Draco said whilst grinning widely.

“Your Mum is right there!” Harry said, waving towards Narcissa.

“Oh, don’t mind me,” Narcissa said quickly.

“I don’t want to know what happened to the inkpot, do I?” Ron asked from behind them.

“Probably not with your sensitive disposition, Weasley,” Draco informed him.

~~~~~~~~

Rodolphus Lestrange

The pulsating burn of the Dark Mark felt like a beating drum leading him to war. He followed Severus as everyone piled out of the main doors to face the Dark Lord and his followers. There was a shield in place to protect them during these talks, but Rodolphus gripped his wand tightly anyway; he knew how ruthless some of the people standing before them could be. His eyes scanned the crowd; some wore their masks, some didn’t. Of course Bella showed her face, showing everyone how proud she was to be there. Her hate-filled eyes landed on him as he came to a stop, and she screamed.

“Oh good, she is in one of her over-dramatic moods today,” he said brightly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Molly Weasley shoot him an amused look, which quickly turned to annoyance when she realised who had spoken.

“OOPS! I JOINED THE GOOD GUYS!” he yelled at Bella. She screamed again, pacing like a raging Nundu as the others hissed their disapproval.

Well, isn’t this fun.

“Perhaps you could refrain from winding up your wife, Rodolphus?” Severus asked him dryly.

“You all know what I do to those who betray me!” The Dark Lord’s cold voice reverberated around the courtyard, and Rodolphus couldn’t help the shiver of fear that went through his body.

“Yes indeed we do: murder now, ask questions never. I feel it’s only right to tell you, now that I’m good, that it’s not really the best way to build a loyal following. Most people standing there with you are only doing so out of fear! Perhaps we should give them a choice?” Rodolphus replied, pushing the fear away.

Severus glared at him, clearly annoyed that Rodolphus was providing such quality entertainment.

Rodolphus grinned back at Severus before continuing, “Loyal Death Eaters of the Fart Lord–an affectionate nickname, please don’t take offence–now is your chance: Leave or face the consequences.”

“The consequences?! There will be no consequences for those who…” the Dark Lord abruptly cut off as a crack of apparition sounded around the courtyard.

“Well, this is awkward! You were saying?” Rodolphus called.

For once, Minerva looked rather amused at his antics.

A few more cracks sounded as more of the Dark Lord’s followers decided to leave. Rodolphus saw the Parkinsons disappear, and he wouldn’t be surprised if the Bulstrodes and Rosiers followed.

“You dare leave after everything the Dark Lord has done for you?!” Bellatrix screamed.

“What the fuck as he done for them?” Rodolphus yelled. “Fed them nonsense about blood supremacy, helped…”

The Dark Lord waved the Elder Wand, sending a Killing Curse soaring towards him. It bounced harmlessly off the shield.

“Performance issues, my Lord?! My wife indicated as much…” He smirked as the Dark Lord roared.

“You just can’t help yourself, can you?!” Severus hissed at him. “Now be quiet.” He stepped forward to address the crowd. “You have one chance: surrender now and avoid the unnecessary bloodshed.”

“Why would we surrender?!” the Dark Lord laughed. “We are going to win.”

“We found them, you know. Your Horcruxes,” Severus told him, a slight smile gracing the corner of his mouth.

Rodolphus watched as the Dark Lord’s eyes widened in panic at Severus’s words.

“You lie!” the Dark Lord hissed.

“For the first time in a long time, I am not lying to you, Tom. The Diary was destroyed a few years ago by Harry Potter, the Ring was destroyed by Albus Dumbledore, the Locket was destroyed by Ronald Weasley, the Cup was destroyed by Hermione Granger, the Diadem was destroyed by Draco Malfoy, Nagini was saved by myself, and do you want to know what’s funny? You made another Horcrux by accident, one that not even you knew about…” As Severus said the last part, he looked at Potter, who was staring at the Dark Lord steadily.

“That is a lie!” the Dark Lord spat.

Severus took a step closer. “Rodolphus Lestrange saved Harry Potter. So now, there is nothing standing between you and death.”

Rodolphus observed the Death Eaters shifting uncomfortably; they probably had no idea what Severus was talking about, but they could see it was making the Dark Lord uneasy.

“This is your last chance. Leave now or face the consequences of standing with a madman,” Severus said, addressing the Death Eaters again.

Quite a substantial amount of cracks sounded this time, thinning the Dark Lord’s numbers significantly.

“Now, Remus!” Severus yelled.

The werewolf shot off a Patronus to Aberforth, the signal for him to reactivate the wards.

“What was that?!” the Dark Lord demanded.

“Try to apparate and find out,” Rodolphus dared them. A few cries of distress were heard as some of the Death Eaters tried and failed to apparate.

“Did you really think you took down the wards so easily? You are going to die here today, Tom; we couldn’t have you disappearing on us,” Severus told him with a smile.

A SMILE?! I’m so proud of him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile so much,” Potter muttered with a disturbed look at Severus.

“He smiled when he told me to take The Pink Demon on a date,” Rodolphus informed him.

“I don’t know how you stomached that, to be honest,” Potter told him.

“Really not the time,” Minerva snapped. They both look chastised to appease her, but it was quickly followed by Potter making a gagging motion behind her back, much to Rodolphus’s amusement.

Severus nodded towards Potter, who stepped forward to say his piece. “Just me and you, Tom; it’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it? I challenge you to a duel.”

Shocked gasps sounded from the crowd around him; hardly surprising, given only a few people were aware of this part of the plan.

“Now the fun begins!” Rodolphus received some very unenthusiastic looks.

Ok, clearly not that kind of audience.

The Dark Lord stepped forward, brandishing the Elder Wand with a flourish. “I think you may live to regret challenging me. You see, Severus may have betrayed me, but he gave me a rather powerful gift before he left. Do you know much about the Elder Wand, Harry?”

“I couldn’t give a toss; are we going to duel or what?” Potter replied.

Rodolphus snorted at the incredulous look on the Dark Lord’s face.

I don’t know why Severus hates the boy so much.

“Step out from behind the wards, and we shall begin,” the Dark Lord hissed at Potter to raucous applause from the remaining Death Eaters.

“Minerva, stop this!” Molly Weasley looked distraught.

Minerva simply shook her head, focused on what was happening in front of her.

Potter didn’t hesitate as he stepped through the wards. It took a grand total of one second before the Dark Lord slashed his wand, sending a Killing Curse at him. Potter was prepared for this; both Rodolphus and Severus had given him some pointers, although it was mildly disappointing when Potter yelled, “Expelliarmus.” Rodolphus had suggested a Jelly-Legs Jinx to start with; surely they could have some fun before disarming him. But no, Potter’s Disarming Spell smashed through the Killing Curse and knocked the Elder Wand out of the Dark Lord’s hand.

“Do you know much about the Elder Wand, Tom?” Potter laughed as he stepped back through the wards, holding it up triumphantly. The look on the Dark Lord’s face was the best thing Rodolphus had ever seen; he looked scared. “Draco, you can come out now,” Potter instructed.

Draco, who was concealed under the Invisibility Cloak next to Rodolphus, let the cloak drop to the floor.

“Kids nowadays,” Rodolphus chastised, picking up the Cloak and tucking it under his arm. “Never pick up after themselves.”

Potter gave him a bemused look before continuing his, clearly pre prepared, monologue. “Did you know that after Draco disarmed Albus Dumbledore, he became the Master of this wand? The annoying prat came to stay with me for a while when it wasn’t safe for him to remain around you, and, being the exceptional wizard that I am, I disarmed him with ease…”

“You cheeky shit,” Draco mumbled.

… “And do you know what that means, Tom?”

The Dark Lord began shaking his head in disbelief.

“It means that I am the Master of the Elder Wand, and it most definitely will not kill its Master.”

The Dark Lord began hastily backing away towards his Death Eaters. Severus immediately stepped forward with his wand raised and, with a cold look upon his face, said calmly, “Avada Kedavra.”

Rodolphus was quite sure he was speaking on behalf of everyone when he yelled, “Fuck yeah, fucking die, you fucking fuck!”

It wasn’t like a normal death by Avada; the Dark Lord didn’t crumple to the ground; he began disintegrating instead. Rodolphus scrunched his nose in disgust as remnants of the most evil man to ever exist drifted towards him. He raised his wand and sent out a gentle breeze to blow the pieces away. “I’d rather not be decorated with bits of crazy fucker.”

“NO!” Bella screamed whilst literally ripping out chunks of her hair.

Fuck me, she is just another level of insane.

“Voldemort is gone,” Severus said coolly. “Surrender.”

“NEVER!” Bellatrix hissed, turning to the Death Eaters around her. “You are going to Azkaban regardless; take down as many as you can in the Dark Lord’s name!”

Well fuck! Rodolphus thought to himself as all hell broke loose.

Chapter Text

Hermione Granger

Hermione fired a Stunning Spell at a Death Eater and dropped down behind a fallen boulder, desperately trying to avoid the spells flying about around her. Voldemort was dead. She wouldn’t have believed it if she hadn’t seen it happen with her own eyes. Snape’s plan had worked, now they just needed to incapacitate the remaining Death Eaters. They could do this. The majority had left or were fleeing; they just needed to be smart and work together.

Draco had paused to help Narcissa and Lucius, who were fighting McNair a short distance away. Hermione fired off a few more spells as she waited for him, taking in the scene around her.

Harry and Snape were no longer in sight. The moment the fighting had broken out, they had chased after Peter Pettigrew, who had transformed into his rat form and made a run for it. There was a lot of unfinished business there; she knew Harry needed to capture Pettigrew for what he had done to Sirius and his parents.

Fred and George Weasley were locked in a duel with three Death Eaters she didn’t know, although one looked a lot like Gregory Goyle, so she assumed it was probably his father. She shook her head in disbelief; they were cracking jokes as fast as they were casting spells.

It’s their way of coping, I suppose.

A gasp escaped her as a Killing Curse hurtled towards Fred’s chest, deflected just in time by Ron, who scrambled over some debris to join them.

Merlin, that was close!

“Woah, thanks, little bro; I was nearly a goner,” she heard Fred yell.

“Can I have a discount at your shop now?” Ron called back.

“No!” Both Fred and George answered together.

Typical.

Ron spotted her and made as if to approach, but she shook her head. “Stay with your brothers; shield them whilst they fight!” Ron nodded in agreement, casting a shield in front of them.

A scream to her right drew Hermione’s attention, and fear immediately overwhelmed her at the sight of Fenrir Greyback stalking towards a disarmed and injured Lavender Brown. Fenrir sidestepped the Stupefy she sent at him with ease. “Lavender, move!” she yelled, stumbling her way towards them over the debris. Hermione went cold as Greyback towered over Lavender snarling; she cast another spell, but he deflected it with a wave of his wand.

No.

“YOU MAULED MY SON, YOU BASTARD!” Molly Weasley blasted Fenrir so hard that he flew into the stone wall of the Great Hall with a thud. Any normal person would have stayed down, but Fenrir leapt to his feet, and, with a blood-curdling howl, he began firing curses at Molly. Ginny stepped up beside her mother, casting a shield around them as Molly prepared to duel.

“Go, Hermione! Get Lavender out; we will handle Greyback!” Ginny called to her.

“He is going to regret ever being born!” Molly Weasley yelled as she began her assault.

“Fuck me; I hope I’m never on the wrong side of Weasley’s mother.” Draco’s voice made her jump; she hadn’t heard him come up behind her.

“Yeah, she’s scary when she’s angry,” Hermione agreed. They both cast shields and made their way towards Lavender.

“My ankle,” Lavender gasped, clearly in pain. “I can’t walk.”

“Cover me,” Draco told Hermione as he levitated Lavender into the air. Hermione cast a shield as they gingerly made their way to the main doors. The fighting looked to be lessening; Hermione even saw a few more Death Eaters running away, towards Hogsmeade. They wouldn’t get very far; Hogsmeade residents, led by Aberforth, were hiding just off of the main path, ready to stun any Death Eaters who made it near the anti-apparition wards.

Bill Weasley cast a shield as they neared the main doors of Hogwarts, allowing Fleur to run out and retrieve Lavender from them.

“I will take ‘er to Madam Pomfrey,” Fleur told them, casting her own Levitation Spell and escorting Lavender inside.

Neville skidded to a stop in front of them. “Fancy helping me take down the woman who tortured my parents?” he asked, trying to catch his breath. Hermione looked in the direction he had been running and saw Bellatrix Lestrange, screaming hysterically in the middle of the courtyard whilst casting spells with no clear direction in mind.

“Of course we will, Neville,” she told him, gripping his arm tightly.

Is he wearing a cardigan?

Hermione wasn’t the only one to notice, as Draco nodded towards it a moment later. “Interesting clothing choice, Longbottom,” he noted dryly.

“Cardigans are cool,” Neville told him with a grin.

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that,” Draco replied. “Come on; let’s go and take down my Aunt.”

They approached Bellatrix slowly, ducking behind anything that might offer protection when her spells flew in their direction.

“I think she’s a bit upset that Potter killed her fuck buddy,” Draco called to them.

“She was having sex with Voldemort?!” Neville looked disgusted.

“Yes, although now is probably not the time to be discussing that,” Hermione told them with a roll of her eyes. “I’ll shield; you two start casting.”

The moment Neville cast the first Stupefy at Bellatrix, Hermione regretted offering to shield. The amount of rage and grief that Bellatrix was pouring into her spells was overwhelming; Hermione had never felt anything like it, not even when she’d shielded against Bellatrix before, in the dungeon at Malfoy Manor. Draco and Neville cast spell after spell at her, but Bellatrix deflected or dodged them in such a refined way; it was almost as if she were dancing.

“BOMBARDA!”

The ground in front of them exploded. Hermione’s shield shattered as the force of the blow sent her flying backwards through the air. There was a strong chance that she, along with Draco and Neville, would have died if it hadn’t been for the Weasley brothers. Fred, George, and Ron quickly cast Levitation Charms before they hit anything, floating them gently to the ground. Rock and dirt covered Hermione’s skin, and she was bleeding from various cuts on her face and arms.

“Bloody hell, Hermione, are you ok?” Ron skidded to a stop next to her.

She coughed and wheezed as she tried to draw breath. “Fine…” she gasped. “Thank you, Ron.”

Her eyes found Draco, who was groaning in front of Fred and George, both of whom were holding shields up to protect them from flyaway spells. “No lasting damage over here; the pretty boy is still pretty.”

Thank God…

“Are you flirting with me?” Draco wheezed.

“Is now not a good time?” George winked at him as Fred laughed.

“Neville! Don’t!” Bill Weasley yelled.

Hermione winced as she turned to where Neville had been laying. Ron helped her sit up, supporting her as she took in the horrifying scene. Neville limped slowly towards Bellatrix, his wand held out in front of him and a look of unafraid determination on his face. Bill Weasley yelled frantically as he tried to reach Neville, but Bellatrix had cast a barrier of some kind.

“Neville!” Hermione yelled in horror.

A blue spell smashed against the side of the barrier as Snape appeared, followed closely by Harry, who had Peter Pettigrew stuffed inside a cage. Their old professor examined the barrier quickly, muttering different spells as Harry threw the cage at Fleur.

“Don’t let him out,” Harry told Fleur.

“Shall I torture you like your parents, boy?” Bellatrix cackled at Neville. “It is rather appealing; all your friends could watch. I do like an audience.”

No…

Fred and George helped Draco stumble his way towards Hermione, and she grabbed his hand as he collapsed against her side. “She’s going to kill him,” Hermione yelled, frantically trying to think of something. “Harry! Summon Dobby; maybe he can help!”

“No! It’s no good,” Draco yelled as Harry opened his mouth. “She is using blood magic,” he nodded at the blood dripping down Bellatrix’s arm. “Where is my mother?”

“Here, darling.” Narcissa cast a worried glance in Draco’s direction as she rushed past, cutting into her palm with her wand. The moment Narcissa pressed her blood-stained hand to the barrier, it shimmered.

“Bring it down!” McGonagall yelled whilst stunning a retreating Death Eater. All around them, spells flew at the barrier. The battle was all but over; the Death Eaters who had remained were incapacitated or had fled. Bellatrix was the last one standing. They could do this; they had to do this.

“You took him from me!” Bellatrix screamed at them. “I think it’s only fair I take someone from you.” She smiled at Neville. “The good news for you, Longbottom, is that I don’t have much time, so it will be quick.”

“No!” Hermione sobbed.

“AVADA KEDAVRA.”

The Killing Curse erupted from Bellatrix’s wand, heading straight for Neville’s chest.

~~~~~~~~

Rodolphus Lestrange

Rodolphus stood quietly, concealed under the Invisibility Cloak, between his wife and the son of Frank and Alice Longbottom. It seemed right to Rodolphus; he had done nothing to protect Frank and Alice, but he could protect their son.

There had better be an endless supply of good wine waiting for me on the other side.

The moment Bellatrix yelled the Killing Curse, Rodolphus let the Cloak fall to the floor.

~~~~~~~~

Severus Snape

The shield fell just as Rodolphus’s body hit the ground in front of a shocked Longbottom. The courtyard was eerily quiet as comprehension slowly dawned. There was a moment, a long moment it seemed, where everyone was still, quietly looking at Rodolphus sprawled out with a peaceful smile upon his face.

Potter snapped out of it first, quickly pointing his wand towards Bellatrix, but Severus placed a hand on his shoulder. “Rodolphus has taken care of it,” he told him.

Bellatrix stumbled forward, her wand clattering to the ground, the sound of which seemed far too loud amongst the silence. “No,” she whispered, grabbing at her chest.

Yes.

“What’s happening?” Of course Granger would be the first to ask a question. He noted her look of confusion was mirrored on many faces around the courtyard.

They don’t realise how lucky they are, not to be born a pureblood.

Rasping and coughing came from Bellatrix as Narcissa spoke. “The first rule of a pureblood marriage contract is that you can not kill your spouse. If you do, you forfeit your own life.” Narcissa held tightly to Lucius’s hand as she numbly watched her sister cough again, spraying blood across the ground. “Rodolphus sacrificed himself not only to save Mr. Longbottom, but also to stop his wife from hurting anyone else.”

Lovegood gingerly made her way towards Longbottom. Taking hold of his hand, she pulled him away as Bellatrix desperately tried to draw breath.

“Should we do something?” Charlie Weasley asked the crowd.

“There is nothing to do; the curse cannot be stopped,” Lucius told them.

The only sound in the courtyard was Bellatrix as she choked on her own blood before going still. Severus made his way over to Rodolphus and knelt down, placing a hand on his chest. “This evening I will drink to you, my friend,” he muttered.

It’s over.

“Minerva, I think you should call the Wizengamot officials,” Remus said quietly.

“Right away,” Minerva responded.

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

A few hours had passed since the battle, and everyone was gathered in the Great Hall, tending to the wounded or talking to the Wizengamot officials. They’d gotten off lightly when it came to casualties, mainly thanks to Snape, although anyone who tried to congratulate him was met with a cold stare.

Dobby had forced a number of potions down Draco’s throat, having decided that Hermione and Draco were his most important patients. Draco would probably be bouncing off the walls later, thanks to the amount of Pepper-Up Potion he had been given. He pulled Hermione closer as they sat on one of the wooden benches, tucking his arms around her waist and smelling her hair.

Her hair still smells nice, even full of dirt.

“Did you just smell her hair?” Potter asked, looking mildly amused.

“I’m concussed, Potter; you can’t hold anything I do right now against me,” he replied. Hermione laughed, patting his hand.

“I’m so sorry…” they heard McGonagall saying… “It appears they were accidentally locked in with our resident Poltergeist.” The Head Investigator from the Wizengamot peered up at the immobilised bodies she was levitating. Draco assumed they were Amycus and Alecto Carrow. It appeared that Peeves had covered the Carrows in some kind of black sticky substance and then rolled them in feathers.

“That was our idea.” The Twin Weasleys looked very proud of themselves.

They deserved much worse…

“You know…” Draco said casually in Hermione’s ear, “Snape really came through today…”

Hermione huffed a sigh. “Fine! I will dispose of his inkpot! Happy now?”

“What did you do to my inkpot?” They both jumped and looked over their shoulder to discover Snape frowning at them. Potter hid his face behind Female Weasley to hide his laughter.

“Nothing…” Hermione said quickly, but the fact she had turned bright red definitely told Snape more than enough.

“I really hate teenagers,” Snape mumbled, turning away from them.

I should probably buy him something to say sorry.

Maybe some mint body wash; he seems like the type.

Potter re-emerged from behind Female Weasley. “This is for you, Hermione.” He held out the Elder Wand. “I figured this would give you the best chance of restoring your parents’s memories.”

Hermione let out a choked noise and flung her arms around Potter’s neck, sobbing something that sounded like, “Thank you.”

Ok, Potter is going to get a gift basket of porn for Christmas.

“Aww, did you tell her about the cottage, darling?” His mother joined them, smiling warmly.

“Why would she be hugging Potter if I had told her about that?” he asked with a roll of his eyes.

“Oh, did I just spoil the surprise…”

Yes.

“What about the cottage?” Hermione asked, breaking away from Potter.

“We are gifting it to you,” Draco told her with a shrug.

No big deal.

No need to tell us you can’t accept it.

“What?! I can’t accept that!”

So predictable.

“You have to; it was Druella’s idea, and she doesn’t like to be told no, I’m afraid,” his mother told Hermione. “She might actually haunt us if you don’t accept.”

I could stay there too…

“Mind if I stay for a while? I think Grimmauld could do with some renovation work.”

Fucking Potter, he is bloody impossible to get rid of.

“I…” Hermione swallowed as tears began pouring down her face.

Draco opened her beaded bag and summoned the bottle of Firewhisky that his mother had given him to ‘make friends.’ “I think now is a good time to open this,” he grinned.

Apparently, Weasleys could sniff out Firewhisky like Bloodhounds because suddenly the whole clan arrived. “Oh lovely,” The Most Annoying Weasley said, grinning at Draco whilst the Twin Weasleys conjured glasses for everyone.

“I can’t believe you put that in my bag; I said essential items only!” Hermione snapped at him.

“Hey, this is essential! We need to toast to Rodolphus!” The Most Annoying Weasley insisted.

“Yeah, I have to agree with them, Hermione,” Potter told her.

“Aww, look at my 3am Club brothers coming to my rescue,” Draco chuckled.

“What’s the 3am Club?” Female Weasley asked.

Just as Potter began awkwardly trying to explain, Draco’s father showed up, accompanied by a Wizengamot official. It was not a surprise; Draco had been more than prepared for the fact that his father would be heading back to Azkaban. He still had a conviction following the attack at the Department of Mysteries, and more years could be added to his sentence following the recent events.

“Son, I need to go with the Wizengamot Officials, but I wanted to speak with you quickly before I go.” He looked stiffly between Draco and Hermione.

“Of course. I have a memory to show you, actually. Let’s use Snape’s Pensieve.” Draco replied, leading his father out of the Great Hall with the Wizengamot official following close behind.

Chapter Text

Severus Snape

Severus did not like public speaking. Passive-aggressively telling off students in a classroom was fine. Standing in front of a room full of wizards and witches was not. Perhaps if it had just been a jury of Wizengamot officials it would have been ok. But today, the courtroom was full of spectators, the same as it had been every day for the past month whilst the war trials took place.

Deep breaths.

No need to Occlude; you can do this.

“The Court calls Severus Snape to the stand,” called a female voice.

I knew I should have taken a Calming Draught.

He made his way slowly into the courtroom, noting more than a few familiar faces in the crowd. Potter had insisted on coming, of course, along with his merry band of followers. The insufferable cretin even smiled encouragingly at him.

Honestly. We do some pest control together, and now he won’t leave me alone.

Severus took his position in the centre of the room and looked at the main speaker, hoping that this would be over with quickly.

“Now that all the trials have concluded, we will be taking statements regarding those who lost their lives in battle. You wish to speak on behalf of Rodolphus Lestrange today?”

“I do.”

“Ok, Mr. Snape, please continue.”

Snape took a steadying breath. “Rodolphus Lestrange was a complicated man. He was a man who enjoyed the simple pleasures in life, but whose life was far from simple…”

~~~~~~~~

Harry Potter

Snape had been convinced that no one would attend the Court today to hear the speech he planned to give on behalf of Rodolphus. But Harry had known differently. A lot of people had witnessed the sacrifice Rodolphus had made, and, in return, they were willing to hear his story.

“Potter, I will give you 10 Galleons if you toast to Salazar’s snake at the end of his speech,” Malfoy whispered.

“10 Galleons?! Piss off; I have a solid gold cutlery set that I could sell if I get that desperate.”

“It’s what Rodolphus would have wanted.”

“Pfft, he’d have wanted us to down bottles of wine whilst reciting that limerick about Mabel the vampire he told us at least six times before the battle.”

“What limerick?” Ron asked.

“Shhh,” McGonagall hissed. All three of them reverted back to their Hogwarts days and fell silent immediately.

Oh God, she is going to give me detention…

No, wait; she can’t!

She has no power over me…

Still, probably best not to upset her; she is rather scary.

Once Snape had finished his speech (Harry did not toast Salazar’s snake, in case you were wondering), they stood to show their support. It was very surprising how many people joined them in this act; over half of the people in the viewing gallery were on their feet. Today had not been about clearing Rodolphus’s name; it was just about telling his story. Whatever decisions the Wizengamot made at a later date wouldn’t matter to Rodolphus now anyway.

Harry filed out of the courtroom with his friends, chatting and saying hello to people he hadn’t seen for a while. Once they were standing in a quiet corner of the Ministry Atrium, waiting for Snape, Ron approached with a grin. “Now, about that limerick…”

“You can’t handle the limerick, Weasley; you have a sensitive disposition,” Malfoy replied as Hermione smacked his arm playfully.

“I do not!” Ron protested.

Harry rolled his eyes, “Fine, it goes like this:

“That’s gross,” Ron said, the grin instantly disappearing from his face.

“It was Rodolphus’s favourite! Don’t speak ill of the dead, Weasley,” Malfoy chastised him.

If they end up fighting, I’m sending McGonagall in.

“As far as limericks go, it’s quite clever,” Hermione commented.

“Perhaps we should have it inscribed on a memorial plaque for him,” Malfoy suggested.

Malfoy had the money to do just about whatever he wanted, so Harry was quite sure this plaque would soon exist.

“Well done, Severus!” McGonagall called as Snape approached them.

“Yeah, nice one!” Harry told him enthusiastically.

Snape frowned at him. “Please, stop.”

Still hates me, then…

The man was such a pain in the arse. Harry had been trying to be nice to him ever since the battle, but it was like trying to befriend a cactus.

“Potter, I will give you 10 Galleons if you tell Snape he did a good job again,” Malfoy hissed in his ear.

“Will you stop!” Harry told him angrily.

Bloody hell, how does Hermione put up with it?!

“Are you ready to go?” Snape asked, looking extremely frustrated at having to spend the next few hours with him.

Operation ‘Win Snape Over’ is about to commence.

“Can’t wait; do you want to do the honours?” Harry asked.

The moment Harry tried to take his arm, Snape smacked it with his wand.

Motherfucker…

“Oww! What was that for?!” he yelped as he heard Ron, Hermione, and Malfoy giggling behind him.

“I don’t like to be touched,” Snape said simply. “Apparate yourself to Hogsmeade. Honestly, Granger, did you apparate them everywhere?! They can barely do anything for themselves.” And with that, Snape vanished with a crack.

“I like how I just took the blame again,” Hermione complained.

“We will uninvite him to the party,” Malfoy told her.

“What party?!” Hermione replied just before Harry apparated.

Snape was already marching up the path to the castle when Harry arrived in Hogsmeade village. He huffed in annoyance and ran to catch up. “You know, it’s polite to wait for your friends.”

“You are not my friend,” Snape insisted.

“Yes, I am, and there is nothing you can do about it,” Harry told him simply.

“You are insufferable,” Snape sniffed.

“Thank you.”

A slight twitch at the corner of Snape’s mouth told Harry that he was fighting a smile… or maybe had wind… either way, it was nice to see some hint of emotion.

“You have the Stone? I know without Miss Granger you’d probably forget your wand, so I thought it would be best to check now, before we cross the wards.”

So rude. I’ve only forgotten my wand a few times…

“I have the bloody Stone,” Harry huffed.

They continued on their way to the castle in uncomfortable silence. Harry searched around for a conversation topic, but every time he opened his mouth, Snape would cast him a look that threatened pain.

So bloody dramatic.

Hogwarts was quiet, all students having been sent home early following the battle. Provided all the repair work was completed in time, the school was set to reopen in February. Most of the physical repair work had been done, but the magical enchantments needed to be recast, and those could take weeks, apparently.

They trod the familiar path to the seventh floor and continued along the corridor until they reached the blank wall where the Room of Requirement was concealed. Snape immediately began pacing back and forth as Harry watched, very curious what the Room would come up with for this very specific request.

“After you,” Harry remarked sarcastically as Snape yanked open the door and swept in without a backwards glance. This had been Snape’s idea, and Harry thought it was a rather brilliant one. Although when he tried to tell Snape that, the man had just sneered at him.

“Oh,” Hary commented upon entering; the room was small, with no decoration or furniture apart from one lone plinth in the middle. “Well, this is oddly disappointing, although, given your aesthetic, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Snape glared at him. “This room is not supposed to be a fun place to hang out; it is for when students need guidance.”

“So they’re not even allowed to sit down in here? Would it have hurt you to ask the Room for a chair?!”

“You don’t ask the Room for things, Potter; it decides what you need based on your requirements… hence the name. You’d think being friends with Miss Granger, her intellect, would have rubbed off on you a bit, but you are still as dense as ever.”

Did he just compliment Hermione?

“I will ignore the insult because it will bring me great joy to tell Hermione you think she is intelligent.” Snape looked like he was about to hex him, so Harry quickly added, “You’re sure about this?”

“Mr. Potter…”

“Call me Harry.”

“No.”

“I won’t stop asking you.”

“And I won’t stop saying no. As I was saying, Mr. Potter, this Room provides to students who require something. If there is one thing I have learnt through the deplorable job of teaching, it is that students, more often than not, require guidance. I believe that the Resurrection Stone will provide them with access to past headmasters, who can provide that guidance. If a student tries to get in here for any other reason, the Room will not allow it. Although Salazar help the students who see Dumbledore or Phineas in this room; they will probably be left with more questions than answers.”

“You may deny it, but I think you actually care a lot about the students here.”

Snape’s eye twitched in annoyance. “Trust me, Potter, I am doing this for selfish reasons. I can send students here rather than deal with them myself.”

Harry nodded. “I do trust you… because you are my friend.”

“You are trying to make me hex you, aren’t you?”

Harry laughed as he retrieved the Stone from his pocket, ready to place it on the plinth. The moment his fingers closed around it, a ghostly form appeared in front of them.

“You know, it’s awfully nice to see you both getting along.”

“Mum!” Harry exclaimed, beaming at her.

I knew she’d come.

He saw Snape swallow and take some steadying breaths.

“Lily.”

“This is a wonderful thing you are doing,” she smiled. “I, along with many others, could have done with some guidance whilst at school.”

Harry had to look down at the floor as a flood of emotions filled him at her words. This would likely be the last time he would get to see the spirit of his mum. Whilst he was sad, he knew that they were doing the right thing. It would be very easy for someone to get obsessed with the Stone or to use it improperly. Which, if the story of the Three Brothers was correct, was a really terrible idea.

“This was all Snape’s idea,” Harry said with a sly look at Snape.

“Severus has many good ideas; like the time he convinced me to make Petunia a ‘chocolate cake’ out of mud,” she chuckled warmly.

“It’s not my fault she was stupid enough to eat it. Where would two six-year-olds get enough money to buy a cake from?” Snape’s lips quirked into a smile.

There he goes again; maybe smiling will become a regular occurrence.

Harry snorted a laugh. “I didn’t know you both knew each other when you were children…”

“Oh yes, Severus and I are great friends,” she confirmed as Snape started rapidly blinking.

“Fuck me, Sev, I nearly cried at that speech earlier. I didn’t realise you loved me so much.”

They both jumped at the sound of Rodolphus’s voice and turned to see his spirit sipping a goblet of wine with Dumbledore by his side.

“Don’t call me Sev! You are as annoying dead as you were alive,” Severus told him angrily.

“Oh come now, Severus, don’t speak ill to the dead,” Dumbledore chuckled. “I forgive you for robbing my grave, by the way.”

“I don’t remember asking for forgiveness,” Severus retorted.

“Hey, Harry!”

Harry turned to see his dad peeking out from behind his mum’s back.

“Hey, Dad,” he beamed as Snape groaned beside him.

The spirit of his dad awkwardly held his hands up towards Snape. “Pretend I’m not here, Snively; I only came to say hello to Harry!”

“James! Don’t call Severus that,” his Mum chastised.

“Yeah, Dad! Snape and I are friends now; you can’t be mean to him,” Harry laughed.

“Oh, for the love of…” Snape looked like he was severely regretting this whole idea.

Dumbledore slowly made his way over, admiring the plinth. “I will look after this room, Harry, and ensure that the Stone is used for the right reasons.”

“No actual resurrection allowed,” Sirius noted, appearing next to Rodolphus with a goblet of his own.

“I can’t believe you took the good wine with you; I was enjoying that,” a new figure, that Harry didn’t recognise, remarked. “Oh, you must be Harry. I’m Regulus; it’s nice to meet you… haunt you… visit you? I don’t know. Whatever this is, it’s nice.”

This might be the best moment of my life.

“Oh yes, this whole gathering of Mr. Potter’s spirit friends has been delightful,” Snape drawled.

Maybe not the best moment of Snape’s life.

It is I! Phineas Nigellus Black with your post-war update! I bet you are wondering what happened following this rather ‘blink-and-you-miss-it’ battle. Don’t tell Severus I said that; he apparently worked very hard to ensure that it would be over quickly with minimal casualties. Firstly, I suppose we should cover the ‘good guys’:

The Order of Merlin, First Class, was awarded to:

Harry Potter - Founding member of the 3am Club and all-round third wheeler.

Hermione Granger - Infamous cock burner and house-elf traumatiser.

Draco Malfoy - Also a founding member of the 3am Club. Impressed everyone with his pyjamas and inability to wank in a cloth bathroom. He was quite integral to the whole mission and provided a lot of useful insights. (I know, we all had our doubts at the beginning.)

Ronald Weasley - I don’t know why he was awarded one either… Well, actually, he fought well in battle and slayed a Locket, so I suppose we have to give him some credit.

Dobby - The first house-elf in wizarding history to be awarded an Order of Merlin, First Class. Let’s face it; he deserved it after what he witnessed.

Regulus Black - The award was accepted posthumously by Harry Potter and hung proudly in Regulus’s room at Grimmauld Place.

Members of the Order of the Phoenix (past and present) - Sirius Black (Accepted by Harry Potter), Edgar Bones (Accepted by Susan Bones), Caradoc Dearborn (Accepted by Minerva McGonagall), Dedalus Diggle, Elphias Doge, Aberforth Dumbledore, Albus Dumbledore (Accepted by Aberforth Dumbledore and Harry Potter), Benjy Fenwick (Accepted by Minerva McGonagall), Arabella Figg, Rubeus Hagrid, Alice Longbottom (Accepted by Neville Longbottom), Frank Longbottom (Accepted by Neville Longbottom), Remus Lupin, Dorcas Meadowes (Accepted by Minerva McGonagall), Marlene McKinnon (Accepted by Minerva McGonagall), Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody (Accepted by Nymphadora Tonks), Lily Potter (Accepted by Harry Potter), James Potter (Accepted by Harry Potter), Gideon Prewett (Accepted by Molly Weasley), Fabian Prewett (Accepted by Molly Weasley), Severus Snape, Emmeline Vance (Accepted by Minerva McGonagall), Fleur Delacour, Hestia Jones, Minerva McGonagall, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Nymphadora Tonks (please don’t call her Nymphadora), Arthur Weasley, Bill Weasley, Charlie Weasley, and Molly Weasley. (Excluded: Mundungus Fletcher & Peter Pettigrew for obvious reasons)

I could continue, but I would be here all day, and I have a frame polish scheduled in 30 minutes, so I will round this up by saying: All students and citizens who fought or supported in the final battle at Hogwarts not included in the list above were also awarded an Order of Merlin, First Class.

Now, moving on to the Order of Merlin, Second Class:

Narcissa Malfoy - Badass Mother. A lot of people believed that Narcissa should have received an Order of Merlin, First Class, but the Wizengamot could not overlook her lack of action prior to recent events. Narcissa graciously accepted the award but donated the money awarded with it to the ward in St. Mungo’s that houses Alice and Frank Longbottom.

Rodolphus Lestrange - I know, controversial! And still a heavily debated outcome to this day. The Wizengamot allowed those who fought at Hogwarts to vote on whether Rodolphus Lestrange should be awarded an Order of Merlin, Second Class. The vote came back in favour, and the award was posthumously accepted by Severus Snape, Harry Potter, and Neville Longbottom. The money that came with this award was used to hire a lawyer to work on outlawing pureblood marriage contracts.

Now, here is the good part! Special plaques for outstanding services to the war effort were added to the Portraits of:

Druella Black - Druella was so flattered with her plaque, that she allowed Draco Malfoy to open the 1978 bottle of Giacomo Conterno Monfortino.

Albus Dumbledore - Albus Dumbledore quietly snores whenever you mention the plaque. Severus uses this to his advantage whenever Albus is being annoying.

Phineas Nigellus Black - ME! I know, it’s hardly surprising. As I said to the Wizengamot official, my information may not have always been accurate, on account of the Muffliato, but without me everyone would be dead. It is honestly hard to believe a time when I have not been useful, but I really feel like I went above and beyond during those months. Unlike Albus, I have my plaque cleaned regularly and will happily talk about it to anyone who enquires… and those who don’t enquire, because they probably don’t know, and it is my duty to inform them. I suppose we should start at the beginning, I was born in…

[Author note: I removed 17 pages of text from this section, to save your sanity]

Now, on to the Wizengamot trials:

Severus Snape - Well, obviously Captain Charisma was cleared of all charges, or else he would not have received an Order of Merlin, First Class.

Narcissa Malfoy - Badass Mother. See above, but scrap First and replace it with Second.

Draco Malfoy - Wanking Enthusiast. See above, but scrap Second and replace it with First.

Lucius Malfoy - The Wizengamot upheld the sentence for Lucius’s participation in the attack at the Department of Mysteries, but reduced the time he would need to serve from Life to 10 years in Azkaban. He even gets the odd day out, if he is really good.

Rodolphus Lestrange - The Wizengamot marked his file as ‘time served.’ If Rodolphus had survived the war, he would have been a free man.

Dolores Umbridge - Sentenced to 20 years in Azkaban for the unethical treatment of Muggle-borns and abuse of power. There are also some disturbing rumours that she had an unhealthy relationship with a dementor… Are we surprised? No.

Peter Fucking Pettigrew - Rat-boy was sentenced to life in Azkaban and was forced to remain in his rat form. He is currently suspended in a cage above the prison Crups, who think of rats as a rather tasty snack, so it’s an effective deterrent to prevent him from escaping.

The Death Eaters that abandoned Voldemort before the fighting began - These were reviewed on a case by case basis, with some being cleared, and some given sentences ranging from one to 20 years in Azkaban, depending on the severity of their crimes.

The Death Eaters who stayed to fight - All received life sentences in Azkaban.

I think that covers everything. Now I must dash, frame polish and all that.

See you at the party; don’t be late!

Chapter Text

Draco Malfoy

Draco proudly stuck a name badge to his chest.

“Who the fuck is Clint Monroe?” Potter demanded with a frown.

Potions Master in training!

“Clint Monroe is the name I came up with when I thought I might have to start a new life on account of the Dark Lord wanting me dead. Tonight, though, it is my Muggle name.” Draco patted the badge to make sure it was secure.

“Would Clint like Dobby to serve champagne or Cosmopolitans as the guests arrive?” Dobby asked, popping up beside them.

“You even have Dobby calling you Clint?!” Potter exclaimed with a shake of his head.

“We have been over this, Dobby. You can’t be seen by the Muggle woman. You must stay in the kitchen; the Twin Weasleys are on drink serving duty. Let’s start with champagne and then move on to the good stuff.”

“If you is insisting, Sir.” Dobby disappeared with a sad crack.

“You do realise the name ‘Draco Malfoy’ is fine; she thinks you’re Bulgarian anyway…” Potter scoffed.

“It’s Muggle night, Potter! We all need Muggle names! Honestly.” Draco picked up a sticky name badge and scribbled a name for Potter… “Here you go.”

“Randy Horntail?”

“Little nod to when you fought a dragon; you’re welcome.” Draco felt very pleased with himself.

Potter responded by banishing the ‘n’ in Clint “Clit Monroe suits you better.”

Fucking Potter.

“I’m just going to keep my own name,” Weasley informed them incorrectly.

“Hold on.” Draco wrote out a name tag for Weasley and proudly placed it on his chest. “You are now Pubert Peggs.”

Potter burst out laughing at the look on Weasley’s face.

“Oh, are we creating Muggle names?” his mother asked excitedly. She peered closely to see what they had come up with. “I see where we are going with this.” She took a name badge and wrote her own name.

“Frances Flicker,” Draco read as he and Potter burst out laughing.

“I don’t get it,” Weasley said, looking confused.

There’s a surprise.

“The alternative name for Frances is…” Potter said, willing Weasley to catch up. “Fanny. Frances is also known as Fanny. Narcissa’s Muggle name is Fanny Flicker. Jesus, Ron…” Potter rolled his eyes.

“Oh.” Weasley started turning magenta.

Weasley is going to struggle at this party.

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

Hermione left St. Mungo’s positive that her parents' recovery was going well. After she had used the Elder Wand to reverse the Memory Spell, they had been admitted to St. Mungo’s so that professionals could monitor their recovery in a controlled environment. Having large chunks of memory suddenly come back could be quite disconcerting, it turns out.

Had her parents been angry? Yes. There was no getting around that, and Hermione had been on the receiving end of some very hard conversations. The hardest part was walking into their hospital room each day and not knowing what emotion would greet her, as it was very dependent on what memories had come back. But they seemed to have arrived at acceptance. They didn’t like or agree with what she had done, but they begrudgingly accepted her reasons for doing it.

Hermione felt good as she apparated to her cottage on the outskirts of Bath. Tonight she was going to have a relaxing night in front of the fire with a good book. Hopefully with a certain blond wizard, if his mother didn’t need him at the Manor. Harry would be around too; the renovations at Grimmauld Place were ongoing. Turns out it takes a long time for Curse-Breakers to work through ancient blood wards.

She made her way up the gravel path, pausing here and there to smell some of the roses. Everything was quiet and peaceful. “God, I love this place,” she muttered to herself as she approached the door.

“You’re home! I felt you come through the gates.” Draco had pulled the door open and wrapped his arms around her before she had time to respond. She frowned as his crotch neighed.

Not that bloody thong again…

“Why are you wearing…” she cut off. Looking through the front door, she was greeted with a sight that she was definitely not prepared for. Her living room was full of people, some of whom were very enthusiastically cheering on a blindfolded Neville, who was trying to hit a piñata with a Beater’s bat. “Draco, what the hell is this?”

“Use my Muggle name!” He pointed to a name badge that said Clit Monroe on it.

Clit…

“And it’s a party, of course!” he exclaimed, dragging her inside.

The moment she walked in, her ears were assaulted with noise. Dean Thomas was hyping people up from a DJ booth that was set up beside the stairs. She had to shield her eyes from the multicoloured flashing lights and disco ball. Many people from Hogwarts were in attendance, along with members of the Order and some of her old professors. She noticed Slughorn hiding in a corner, stuffing his face with cocktail sausages.

“Darling! You finally made it!” Hermione’s eyes widened as she took in Narcissa Malfoy wearing a Spice Girls T-shirt, a black velvet skirt, and platform shoes.

Oh, bloody hell, this is the Muggle party he kept threatening to host…

“Hi Narcissa, you look very Muggle,” she said, forcing a smile onto her face.

“Oh no! My Muggle name is Frances Flicker this evening!” Hermione stared blankly as Narcissa twirled in her new outfit, stumbling slightly in the platform shoes. “I sent my house-elf to get me something popular from the Muggle shops.”

As Hermione looked around, she noticed quite a few interesting outfit choices, mainly from Draco’s pureblood friends. An involuntary laugh escaped her as she spotted Minerva McGonagall wearing a kilt and carrying bagpipes under her arm.

“Alright, Granger.” Pansy Parkinson handed her a cocktail. “Have to say, this Muggle gown my house-elf came back with is a bit risqué, even for me. But Clit told me they are all sex-obsessed, so I suppose it makes sense.”

Gown…

Oh no…

“Pansy, I think your house-elf got confused. That’s a dressing gown!” She chuckled at the black silk dressing gown Pansy was currently wearing.

“I wouldn’t go that far, Granger; it’s not that dressy.” Pansy informed her, then waved at Blaise Zabini and wandered off to join him.

Hermione closed her eyes for a second, trying to comprehend the madness she had just walked in on. “I can’t believe you made everyone dress as Muggles,” she hissed at Draco.

“I had to! The Ann Summers lady is a Muggle, and in case you have forgotten, there is a little thing called the Statute of Secrecy.”

Ann Summers lady…

“Is this an Ann Summers party?!”

“It was Clit’s idea,” Harry said sheepishly, coming to join them with Ginny in tow. “Don’t get mad at Theo Nott; he tried, in his own way…”

Draco’s choked laughter made her sigh.

“Hey!” The woman from the Ann Summers shop shoved a catalogue in her hand. “Have a catalogue. There are plenty of toys to look at, outfits to try on, and a variety of different lubes to sniff. I wonder what scent might take your fancy!”

“Oh there you are, Sarah! I need your help with one of the vibration devices.” Narcissa took hold of Muggle Sarah’s hand and escorted her away.

“I don’t think I should be in the general vicinity of my mother for a while; find you later.” Draco kissed her cheek and hurried off, his crotch neighing happily as he went. It was hard to be angry with him, especially since he had gone out of his way to help her with her parents and given her a cottage.

“Narcissa, I mean, Frances, is essentially going to be single for the next ten years; can’t blame her for finding something to entertain herself with,” Ginny sniggered.

Not the mental images I needed.

Hermione took a deep breath. “Ok, I am going to go upstairs and get changed. Then I might feel a bit more equipped to deal with… this.”

“Don’t go in Clit’s old room; we’ve turned it into a changing area for people trying things on…” Harry informed her.

Bloody hell…

On her way to the stairs, she spotted Theo Nott sporting a white T-shirt with ‘I’M A MUGGLE’ written in big black letters on the front. He beamed at her, pointing proudly at the words when he saw her looking.

We are definitely going to have to Obliviate Sarah before the end of the night.

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

Draco stacked the bags into Potter’s held out arms.

“I can’t believe you are making me hand out party bags,” Potter grumbled.

“You shouldn’t have told me about this Muggle tradition if you didn’t want me to act upon it, Randy,” Draco told him happily.

They started making their way around the room, handing out party bags to all the guests. He had made different ones, and handed them out strategically based on who he wanted to initiate into the 3am Club.

“Longbottom!” Draco called, shoving a bag towards him.

Longbottom opened the bag cautiously and peered inside. “Why is there body wash in here?”

Draco’s crotch neighed enthusiastically as he threw an arm around Longbottom’s shoulder. “Let me tell you about the 3am Club; now most can’t handle the mint body wash, but I have a feeling you will do just fine. You did wear a cardigan to the Battle of Hogwarts, after all…”

“Do not wank with the mint body wash, Neville!” Weasley called unhelpfully.

Fucking Pubert.

“It’s almost like you don’t want our club to grow,” Draco accused as Potter laughed. “Have a wank with the mint body wash, Longbottom; I know you can handle it.”

“A TAMAGOTCHI,” Dean Thomas announced loudly, holding it up in the air like he had won the Quidditch world cup.

“Don’t show it to Pubert; he murdered mine,” Potter warned Dean, clearly still very bitter about Featherby the First.

“I said I was sorry! Anyway, you have another one now,” Weasley replied angrily.

Also called Featherby; Potter is so unoriginal.

“It’s not the same. Featherby the Second doesn’t like me as much,” Potter complained.

“Darling.” Draco’s mother approached with Muggle-sex-shop-legend Sarah in tow. “Cousin Dobby needs you in the kitchen,” she gave him an exaggerated wink behind Muggle-sex-shop-legend Sarah’s back. “Oh, Trashagotmis!” she exclaimed excitedly towards Dean.

Potter gave him an amused smile. “At least she tries… That’s more than can be said for Sev.”

They both looked over at Snape, who was standing on his own in the corner of the living room, angrily sipping a Cosmopolitan. Draco wondered if Snape had mistaken this party for a funeral; his ensemble consisted of black jeans, a black T-shirt, and a black jacket, although, compared to most, he definitely looked very Muggle. Theo approached, whispered something in Snape’s ear, and then pointed enthusiastically at his own T-shirt. Snape didn’t so much as blink or acknowledge Theo’s existence at all.

At least Theo tried…

Blaise approached Draco as he made his way to the kitchen. “Phineas is telling people not to use the mint body wash, says it’s been cursed. Tell me, how cursed are we talking? I’m a Slytherin, so I expect a bit of risk when I come to parties, but I would prefer my cock stay attached to my body.”

“Mild curse, bit of burning, nothing a Slytherin can’t handle,” Draco told him with a grin. “Don’t do a Weasley on me and cry.”

“We find that insulting; we didn’t cry!” The Twin Weasleys called after him.

Excellent, new members!

“Of course you didn’t; I had every faith that you two would pass the initiation… I hope it was in Randy’s room, like we agreed,” he winked at them.

The kitchen had a Muggle-Repelling Charm to keep Muggle-sex-shop-legend Sarah out; Draco wasn’t sure how he would explain the existence of house-elves to her. That would definitely require a Memory Charm, and those were only to be used as a last resort. Upon entering the kitchen, he found Dobby standing on the kitchen island in his new Air Jordans that Hermione had bought for him to help alleviate her guilt for the blowjob incident.

“Mr. Draco, I mean, Clit, Sir! Should we send out the garlic bread?” Dobby asked him enthusiastically. House-elves just loved a party; it was their time to shine. When Draco had approached the house-elves at the Manor and asked if they would mind helping, they had practically begged him to allow them all to go.

“Absolutely!” he confirmed, taking a piece to sample.

Fucking delicious.

Upon noticing Kreacher scowling from a corner, Draco tapped Dobby on the arm. “Maybe give Kreacher a Cosmopolitan; looks like he needs it.”

“Kreacher is a bad elf; he tried to spike the Cosmopolitans with Veritaserum!”

Fucking hell.

“Kreacher, which one of the Slytherins asked you to spike the cocktails?”

“The stupid one.”

Bloody Theo.

Once he had dealt with Cousin Dobby, Draco decided to see how Snape was holding up. “Having fun?” he asked tentatively.

“I am only here because Potter promised to visit me every day for the next three months if I didn’t attend…”

Draco was about to respond, but Muggle-sex-shop-legend Sarah suddenly appeared, announcing, “Fluffy handcuffs, lots of fun!” and attached a pink pair to Snape’s wrist with a wink before dancing away.

Muggle-sex-shop-legend Sarah is just a gift that keeps on giving…

“Suits you.” Draco was failing miserably at his attempt not to laugh.

Potter, who had been watching at a distance, couldn’t fight his curiosity and came over to see what Muggle-sex-shop-legend Sarah had done to Snape. “Oh God, not a mental image I need, Sev,” he muttered, shielding his eyes to avoid looking at the handcuffs.

“If you call me Sev one more time, I am going to knock you out and send you to Indonesia to live with Nagini.”

“I thought we agreed it was your Muggle name!”

Lavender Brown stumbled into Draco, and he quickly steadied her as she slurred, “Ohh, Professor, didn’t know you were into such things,” pointing at the handcuffs.

She stumbled again, this time into Potter. “You’re strong; has anyone ever told you that?” she giggled as he held her up.

No more Cosmopolitans for Brown…

Female Weasley rushed over and, with an apologetic look at them all, said, “Come on, Lavender; let’s go and find you a Sober-Up Potion.” She pulled Lavender’s arm around her neck and dragged her towards the kitchen.

“Best party I’ve ever been to!” Seamus Finnegan came over to declare loudly, as though he wasn’t standing next to them. Unsurprisingly, the idiot had a Slytherin school tie around his head.

“Lose the tie, Finnegan. Statute of Secrecy, remember?”

“We’re Muggles,” Theo called from across the room, pointing at his T-shirt again.

“We are all Muggles!” Muggle-sex-shop-legend Sarah yelled, pointing at Theo.

“We told her that ‘Muggle’ is Bulgarian for really cool person…” Potter told him.

That was apparently all Snape could handle. “This party is ridiculous; where is Minerva?” he huffed, downing the rest of his Cosmopolitan.

“With Druella and Narcissa in the dining room,” Potter told him. Snape left without a word.

Hermione joined them, looking absolutely delightful in a knee-length black velvet dress. His crotch neighed happily as he pulled her in for a hug.

“Ginny is trying to persuade me to buy one of those,” Potter nodded at his crotch.

“They’re oddly comfortable; you wouldn’t know from looking at them,” Draco told him.

“I walked past Remus and Tonks on the stairs carrying some outfits,” Hermione said with a pained expression. “I’m not sure I needed these insights into everyone’s private lives.”

I wonder which outfits…

“CLIT!”

For fuck’s sake.

He looked over at Theo. “Are we playing truth or dare this evening?!” Theo yelled with his arm draped around Muggle-sex-shop-legend Sarah.

That little shit is going to fuck Muggle-sex-shop-legend Sarah!

“Maybe!” he called back.

“Hmm.” Hermione shot him a grin. “Maybe I can ask Narcissa to tell the room who Wendy, The Wicked Witch of Wendelsfield is…”

Draco returned her smirk and, without breaking eye contact, tapped her glass with his wand, muttering, “Aguamenti.” Her smile faltered as the glass slowly filled with water.

Potter snorted. “Fuck! Cosmo just came out my nose; don’t make me laugh when I’m drinking!”

“Better than cum,” Pansy said casually as she joined them.

“What?!” Potter exclaimed.

“I once made a guy cum so hard that it came out my nose,” she said with a shrug.

Oh, Pansy…

Draco caught Hermione giving him a suspicious look. “It wasn’t me!” he assured her quickly.

“I’m going to check on Frances. She was being a bad influence on McGonagall last time I saw her,” Hermione told him.

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

Hermione dodged around the bodies in various states of inebriation dotted throughout the living room. She had asked Dobby to make sure there were Sober-Up Potions readily available to those who needed them; it was likely that the supplies would be significantly depleted by the time the party was over.

Theo pointed to his T-shirt as she went by, followed by Sarah yelling, “Muggle is my new favourite word!”

Definitely going to need her memory wiped.

… “on my dining room table!” Druella was saying. Hermione froze as Narcissa, McGonagall, and Snape stared at her.

Please no…

“Oh hello, Hermione, dear. Druella was telling us about how she helped you discover the Diadem Horcrux here on this very table…”

Oh, thank God.

“Oh yes, that’s right,” she confirmed to Narcissa.

“Wasn’t the only thing that happened on the dining room table, was it?” Druella smirked as Hermione felt her cheeks heat.

I hate Portraits.

“I should urm…” She spotted Dean and Seamus talking with Phineas’s Portrait in the corner… “check on what is happening over there.” Hermione gave them a pained smile and hurried away.

… “twenty thousand Muggle pounds, and they took him to a shipping centre…” Phineas was saying… “Can you believe it?”

“What’s a shipping centre?” Seamus asked, taking a gulp of Firewhisky.

“Ah, here she is,” Phineas declared, smiling at her. “Muggle-born… I mean, Granger, tell these fine gentlemen what a shipping centre is!”

What bloody rumours is he spreading now?

“A shipping centre? No idea, maybe a place where Muggles store ships?”

“What do you mean you have no idea? You took the Clit boy to one!”

Christ…

“Do you mean a shopping centre?!”

Phineas looked thoughtful. “You know, that does make a lot more sense.” A muffled neighing noise came from the living room. “DID YOU HEAR THAT?! I KNEW YOU HAD A HORSE, BUT THE RANDY BOY KEPT DENYING IT! Druella, I’m coming over to get a better look.”

“Phineas! I didn’t invite you; it’s very rude to impose on me like this,” Druella told him as he appeared in her frame, nudging her over whilst trying to peer into the living room.

Thank God there is a Muggle-Repelling Charm on this room; who knows what Sarah would make of the talking Portraits…

“I’m going to find Clit,” Hermione muttered, turning to leave.

“Granger!” She turned back to Phineas, who was squashed in next to Druella. “What is pegging then? I thought it was a shipping term…”

I want to die.

The room was silent until Seamus took pity on her. “Don’t you worry, Hermione; Dean and I can handle this one. Phineas, come back over here.”

“I didn’t think Draco would enjoy that kind of thing; Salazar knows his father didn’t,” Narcissa told them with a pleasant smile.

“Frances! Those are mental images of Lucius I most certainly did not need!” Minerva scolded.

“I also did not need them,” Snape drawled. “Although luckily, I occluded just in time.”

Luna dreamily wandered towards them. “Dobby said that you were discussing pegging in here. I love camping; what kind of tent pegs are you favourite?”

~~~~~~~~

Severus Snape

Azkaban would be better than this.

I’m going to have to scourgify my eyes later.

I wonder when I can leave.

These Cosmopolitans are nice.

MENTAL NOTE: Ask the Hogwarts house-elves to include Cosmopolitans during dinners.

“Professor…”

“No.”

I hate teenagers.

MENTAL NOTE: Find a new job.

Oh no, Potter’s coming…

“Enjoying yourself, Sev?”

Fucking Potter.

“Don’t call me Sev.”

I actually don’t mind it.

Why is he grinning?

“I bought you these; you seemed rather attached to them earlier.”

Not the fucking handcuffs again.

They were soft, though.

Fucking Potter.

“We don’t buy each other gifts.”

MENTAL NOTE: Buy Potter a Venomous Tentacula for Christmas.

~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy

“Do it again,” Draco giggled. Theo smacked his crotch, making it neigh, and everyone cheered, including Muggle-sex-shop-legend Sarah.

“Am I interrupting?” Hermione asked with raised eyebrows.

“No, we were just…” Draco cut off, spotting Weasley talking to Hannah Abbott. “RANDY! We need to wingman our fellow 3am Club member!”

Draco quickly kissed Hermione on the cheek and departed with Potter following close behind. He draped an arm over Weasley’s shoulders and, with a drunken smile on his face, said to Hannah, “Did you know Pubert slayed the worst and most powerful Horcrux?”

Fuck, Horcrux is a hard word to say after 12 Cosmopolitans.

“Yeah!” Potter chimed in. “Never seen anything like it; it was very impressive. The Locket of Salazar Slytherin himself!”

“Oh really?” Hannah’s eyes twinkled at Weasley.

“Urm, yeah… If Phineas says anything about a threesome, it’s not true,” Ron decided to inform her.

Hannah quickly made an excuse to leave.

“Fuck me, Pubert, we need to work on your flirting,” Draco told him.

~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger

The last partygoer, who was physically able to leave, had left. She spent a while going around and checking on those who had passed out in various places, being sure to leave Hangover Potions and water next to them. Harry had to cast a Silencing Charm on the spare room; Theo was currently in there with Sarah, having a very nice time, it seemed.

“Dobby will clean, miss.” Dobby was dragging his feet along the floor, looking one second away from collapse.

“Go to sleep, Dobby; we can tidy this up tomorrow,” she told him softly.

“Thank you for the shoes, Miss; they came in very handy.” He attempted to lift his foot to point at his Air Jordans and nearly fell over.

“Sorry, once again, for anything you may have… witnessed,” she told him as he disappeared to his room.

Draco stumbled up behind her, his crotch neighing pathetically. “Are you mad at me?”

“No,” she laughed. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“I may have given Blaise a little blue pill that Muggle-sex-shop-legend Sarah recommended for erectile dysfunction, and he has been locked in your bathroom ever since…” He dropped his head against her shoulder.

Fuck my life.

She huffed a sigh. “Right, let’s make sure he is ok.”

“You’re the best, you know that?”

She patted his shoulder. “I am very aware.”

“Randy threw up in my favourite rose bush.”

Christ.

“It’s ok, we will take care of it tomorrow,” Hermione said, wondering which rose bush Draco considered his ‘favourite.’

“He also told me that Timothy was a pathetic name for a Tamagotchi.”

“Well that’s very mean,” she grunted, trying to support Draco’s weight as she helped him up the stairs.

“We should hex his taps.”

“What a brilliant idea; we will do it tomorrow,” Hermione assured him.

~~~~~~~~

Rodolphus Lestrange

I cannot believe they threw this banger of a party after I died.

What an absolute piss take.