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English
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Part 3 of chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons, one single thread of gold tied me to you (Shin Soukoku oneshots)
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Published:
2024-10-28
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2024-10-28
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2/2
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My Heart Didn't Start Until I Met You

Summary:

Atsushi and Akutagawa are set to go on a mission together; at a nightclub called Death By A Thousand Cuts. Little do they know, this mission is actually a ruse...

What will happen by the end of the night? Will Atsushi finally confess? Will Akutagawa?

~~

Okay so I'm bad at summaries lmao uh yeah but basically Shin Soukoku fluff where they go to a nightclub and then smut ofc

Notes:

The smut is in the second chapter 🙏

So uh
I wrote like half of this back in August and then found it again and decided to finish it ;-;

This oneshot is not my best but pls bear with me, and I hope you enjoy this! (Also the songs in the tags are really good I suggest listening to them, they all fit Sskk)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Dancing With Our Hands Tied

Chapter Text

Atsushi shifted uncomfortably, trying not to step on anyone's toes or bump into someone. The walking sign signal finally flashed blue, and the heavy crowd of people filtered across the street.

 

The sun had set like a melted golden disk, and the stars were shunned by the light pollution of Yokohama, but that didn't stop the night view from being beautiful. Darkness had just fallen recently, and now the flashing lights and signs of the city were illuminating the landscape.

 

In contrast to the dark and droll orphanage he grew up in, Atsushi loved the city. He was an adult now, and was no longer physically fettered to that damned orphanage (though not mentally). It felt freeing, like a bird leaving the nest. A cruel nest, at that.

 

After crossing the street, Atsushi headed down the sidewalk, looking for once place in particular; a nightclub.

 

Earlier that day, Dazai had informed his subordinate that he was to go on a mission with his ex-subordinate, Akutagawa. Atsushi didn't completely agree with the idea of another team-up with the Rabid Dog of the Port Mafia, but he didn't mind Akutagawa. Though Akutagawa probably minded him.

 

Dazai had told Atsushi that Akutagawa would have all the information for the mission, and that Atsushi would learn of it once he met up with Akutagawa at the rendezvous, and possibly, the site of the mission. All that Atsushi knew currently was that he was supposed to go to a nightclub called Death By A Thousand Cuts, a club mostly frequented by couples, famous for their drinks and "dance nights," where they would select a theme of music for each night. Atsushi didn't want to think about what the theme would be this night.

 

As to not stand out (as much as he could with those asymmetrical white bangs), Atsushi wore a more casual look. A light grey turtleneck sweater, black slacks, white sneakers and his normal fingerless gloves were framing him, and since Dazai had told him to look authentic at the club, like he was there to party and not at all to arrest people, he also wore a black choker with small spikes and painted his nails black for the occasion. Lastly, if you looked close enough, you'd realize he's wearing black eyeliner. Kyouka said it complemented his hair, and he actually quite liked it.

 

The things I do for missions...

 

Then a small bubble of panic popped in his chest. 

 

Would Akutagawa like his look?

 

He shook his head, feeling the pressure of the spiked choker on his pulse. I don't care about what Akutagawa thinks of me. This get-up is already ridiculous, but I need it for the assignment. Suck it up! He scolded himself silently, still looking around wildly for Death By A Thousand Cuts.

 

Then he saw the flashing lavender sign, jutting out from the side of his desired place. He breathed a sigh of relief— there was nothing more embarrassing than not being able to find where a mission was.

 

"Jinko."

 

Atsushi turned around, being met with, of course, the sight of Akutagawa Ryuunosuke.

 

The nightlife in Yokohama was alive and well, and Akutagawa standing on the sidewalk in the midst of it all was like a priceless oil painting, to Atsushi. He didn't seem like he belonged, because he was so remarkable. But he also looked perfectly in place.

 

Atsushi blinked twice.

 

He was never going to get anything done if he kept ogling Akutagawa. He mentally kicked himself, but couldn't stop from staring.

 

The mafioso was dressed like your fellow nightclub goer, wearing a black silk button up shirt that outlined his lean muscles very well in Atsushi's opinion, white slacks, and sneakers that definitely cost more than Atsushi's rent. Alongside this, Akutagawa also had a belt with a short chain dangling from its side, and his ears were notably pierced, dotted with some sort of diamond. To top it all off, Akutagawa had his iconic coat draped across his shoulders, which made sense, if he was to summon Rashomon easily.

 

Atsushi felt a blush creep up his neck just from staring at Akutagawa.

 

"Oh, Akutagawa! Funny seeing you here..?" Atsushi didn't know if he was joking around with a literal mass murderer, or was chronically stupid.

 

Akutagawa rolled his metallic eyes. "I still don't get why I'm always teamed up with a fool like you." Akutagawa— surprisingly— deigned from continuing to insult Atsushi, because if they started a thread of bickering, they'd get absolutely nothing done. "So, what are the mission details, Jinko?"

 

"Uh...what?" Atsushi raised an eyebrow.

 

"Are you deaf? The mission details. Dazai-san said you would have all the instructions, and you're to tell me them."

 

"What— no! It's the other way around! Dazai-san said you were supposed to give me the orders!"

 

Before Akutagawa could make a comment about how even though it'd be gratifying to order a Jinko like Atsushi around, he'd probably butcher the simple orders terribly, Atsushi's phone pinged.

 

Atsushi tore his eyes away from Akutagawa's (possibly permanent) grumpy face, and checked his notifications. It was a message from the one and only Dazai.

 

Dazai: you 2 should have found each other by now! hehe there actually isn't a mission! you two are just supposed to spend some time together at that club, and no coming back until youve completed this "mission" (⁠。⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧ teamwork makes the dream work !!

 

Atsushi was temporarily stunned speechless before he practically threw his phone at Akutagawa's head, only to have the dark-haired man catch the device. Akutagawa's stormy eyes scanned the text over five times, but the characters never rearranged themselves into something Akutagawa would ever find acceptable.

 

After an awkward silence of Atsushi just looking confused and Akutagawa seething, the latter finally spoke up.

 

"This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. I'm not following any of these orders." And with that, Akutagawa swiveled around, throwing Atsushi's phone back at him.

 

"Wait, Akutagawa!" Atsushi closed the space between them, putting his phone back in his pocket, and grabbed his hand, pulling him and stopping him. "You can't just reject orders like this—"

 

"The orders are for us to spend time together. That's revolting, Jinko." Akutagawa snapped.

 

"What's wrong with that? Do you hate me that much?" Although the ideal Saturday for Atsushi wasn't nightclubbing with a wanted criminal, he did enjoy Akutagawa's company. His stoic, blunt company. 

 

"...It isn't hate, Jinko. You know that. I'm just not going to be caught dead voluntarily being around the likes of you."

 

Well that stung.

 

"But I mean... Isn't it better if we do this? Then we can be better partners on real missions, and have better results," Atsushi reasoned. "Us going on real, actually dangerous missions together is essentially a trial-by-fire, so it we try to be partners in a less dire situation, it'll be better."

 

Akutagawa hated how much sense the weretiger was making. If they could just learn about each more, maybe they could work in tandem more successfully.

 

Akutagawa had the impulse to murder every person on that sidewalk because of this "mission," but he wouldn't. Because of that promise.

 

"...Fine. But if I get sick of you, I'm slicing your head off." Akutagawa complied, yanking his hand from Atsushi's, deciding on ignoring how warm the weretiger's hands were.

 

"That's the spirit," Atsushi smiled.

 

He really was going to kill Akutagawa if he was going to pull that trick all night. He had the most adorable dimples in existence, and the corners of his eyes scrunched up a little when it was a real smile, and he was just so cute—

 

Akutagawa coughed into the crook of his elbow, trying to wrestle those intrusive thoughts of the weretiger into a bottomless pit. "Whatever. Here." Akutagawa pulled out a small laminated card, handing it to Atsushi.

 

"What's this?"

 

"Your fake ID. Dazai-san gave it to me the day he told me about this mission. I don't know why, since you have to be 18 to get into Death By A Thousand Cuts and you've already cleared that threshold."

 

Atsushi paused. Then it clicked. 

 

"Dazai-san probably wants me to get drunk. He's tried to get me to drink before and I don't love it, but it's not terrible. I prefer wine over anything strong," the white-haired boy admitted.

 

"It makes enough sense... What's the point of going to a nightclub without drinking? Besides, of I'm going to deal with you of all people for the rest of the night, I'll need at least a few beers," with those graceful parting words, Akutagawa wove past Atsushi and headed towards the club's bouncer, eager to be done with this night.

 

Although he was qualified to get into the club with no problems, Atsushi suspected Akutagawa used a fake ID also. Being a walking wanted criminal probably isn't the best thing in the world.

 

Atsushi nervously followed suit, giving the bouncer his fake ID, and, thankfully, it passed the test. Now he could drink a bit of wine to drown out Akutagawa's barrage of insults.

 

Entering Death By A Thousand Cuts was like traveling to a different dimension. It was unlike the streets of Yokohama at night, with bustling crowds, silent sleepers, and a strange sense of calm and excitement to it. This nightclub was bathed in an array of colors, from blue to purple to pink. There were silhouettes of people everywhere, and the place was so busy they were all a sequined blur. The music blared, and the smell of alcohol was infused with the air.

 

Atsushi quickly looked around for a certain head of black hair, and found Akutagawa sitting at a booth in the corner of the club, looking rather lonely.

 

Atsushi traveled down the steps, dodged the packed dancefloor, and somehow got to the booth unscathed.

 

"You could have at least waited for me," Atsushi said dryly, sitting directly across from his partner.

 

"I don't wait for the weak."

 

"I'm still amused about how you manage to constantly talk like a sickly Victorian child."

 

"And I'm still amused that you manage to succeed in talking like a bumbling idiot forever and a day."

 

"Yeah, and that bumbling idiot has Dazai-san's approval."

 

"At least I can afford a proper haircut."

 

"At least I'm not on a first name basis with all the employees at Hot Topic."

 

"At least I don't howl at the moon like an inferior animal."

 

"At least I don't cough up a gallon of blood every time someone breathes on me too hard."

 

"At least I don't wear fucking suspenders."

 

"Like you're one to talk, you wear that stupid white neck scarf thing,"

 

This back-and-forth continued on for a few minutes before Atsushi realized they weren't going to get anywhere like this.

 

Atsushi, rolling his eyes, didn't want them to argue the whole night, so he suddenly piped up, "Do you want to get a drink?"

 

"More than anything," Akutagawa grumbled, sitting up from the booth, and walking towards what Atsushi presumed would be the way to the bar. Akutagawa wastes no time in distancing himself from me, Atsushi thought wryly. And getting wasted himself. He chuckled at his own lame joke.

 

He left the booth to join Akutagawa, smiling despite himself. Maybe tonight wouldn't be too bad. Sitting on the stool right next to the dark-haired mafioso, Atsushi ordered a wine.

 

Akutagawa coughed.

 

"What?" Atsushi looked at him, and his extremely handsome (in Atsushi's opinion) features were awash with the multi-colored lights from the club's ceiling, highlighting Akutagawa's not-so-happy mood in bright purple.

 

"You're sitting next to me."

 

"So?" It wasn't like they were brushing shoulders or anything. Though Atsushi wouldn't mind that.

 

Goddammit, this crush was going to be the end of him.

 

"I don't want to sit next to you."

 

"Well suck it up, emo boy," Atsushi grumbled, putting his lips to his wine glass before Akutagawa could even touch his beer.

 

"Shut up, fleabag."

 

"Oh no, how scary. The emo boy is making fun of my ability— one stronger than his," Atsushi smirked. His little arguments with Akutagawa were usually exhausting, but almost always fun.

 

"I will cut you into ribbons if you call me that one more time."

 

"What, emo boy?"

 

Rashomon snapped out of Akutagawa's jacket, a black blade aimed for Atsushi's throat. But before it could slice open Atsushi's jugular and let his blood flow for the world to see, Rashomon stopped, simply just pointed at the pale flesh, like a warning.

 

Atsushi knew that the Akutagawa when they had first met would genuinely try to attack him, and call a warning like this ridiculous. But now, he chose this move...

 

Progress.

 

Rashomon then retreated, melting back into Akutagawa's clothes like a snake into hiding.

 

"Oh, is this supposed to threaten me? Make me jump out of my socks?"

 

"I doubt you can even buy a pair of socks from a charity shop, with that measly salary. And watch your tongue, Jinko, I could slit your throat right now." Akutagawa said this calm as the surface of a lake, drinking from his beer.

 

"Yeah, if anything, I'm the complete opposite of scared," Atsushi broke off eye contact and stared into his wine. The red liquid was bright as Atsushi eyed it, idly swirling it around with snaps of his wrist.

 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he could feel the mafioso burn holes into the back of his through his steel-eyed glare.

 

"I feel safe when I'm with you."

 

Atsushi replied quietly. So quietly that he couldn't ever know if Akutagawa even heard his answer over the blasting music and chatter in the air.

 

But one look at Akutagawa's now crimson face would answer any lingering questions.

 

Akutagawa decided on not thinking about what Atsushi said, and why it was making him blush and why he even had stupid feelings of affection towards the weretiger—

 

He cleared his throat and ordered another beer, his first glass drained.

 

He could simply ignore these feelings if he acted the opposite towards the Jinko, right?

 

After a short silence, the conversation picked up again. Akutagawa deemed on ignoring Atsushi's comment about...

 

God, it was so embarrassing Akutagawa didn't even want to think about it.

 

Even though he'd been mulling it over in his head for the past ten minutes.

 

He feels safe when he's with me. What does that even mean, or is he messing with me? Stupid Jinko, I shouldn't even be having these thoughts—

 

"You know, I've seen you at the café below the Agency before." Atsushi randomly spouted, either tipsy or desperate for conversation. Or both.

 

"Is that illegal?" Akutagawa really liked the houjicha tea they had at the Uzumaki Café. It was his only reason for even stepping foot near the Agency.

 

He totally, totally, totally didn't want to chance bumping into a certain white-haired weretiger with uneven bangs and golden-lavender eyes who had the the cutest fucking smile in the entire universe when consciously dining at the café.

 

"For once, it's something not illegal that you do. I was just wondering why you even bother to go there."

 

"I like the houjicha they serve. That's it. And why do know I visit there?"

 

Atsushi blushed, hoping the lights from the club would mask it. "Oh, uh, well, um, you know, I just—" I've seen you there more than once during lunchtime and every single time I avoid you because I'm too nervous to face you but I watch you for a full five minutes every time and I already know you go there for the tea, it's the only thing you ever order! Is what went unsaid, the words hanging on Atsushi's tongue but never his lips. "I've noticed you've been there a few times. It's only natural, I walk past that café constantly..." Atsushi knew he fumbled that ending. He needed to bring up something else so he didn't sound awkward, staying on the stupid subject of cafés and houjicha, for God's sake.

 

"I uh...see you put a lot of sugar in your houjicha." Why does he even have a mouth if all he's going to use it for is absolute stupidity.

 

"So you linger around enough to know that I prefer sweetened tea, Jinko?" The smallest, very smallest, smirk spread across Akutagawa's thin lips and to say it was beautiful was an understatement in Atsushi's opinion.

 

Atsushi had a lot of scarily endearing and positive opinions about the mafioso.

 

"Um...uh, well," Atsushi tried his best not to mess up his next response. "Okay, fine, so maybe I stare at you longer than a normal person would when I see you at the café, so I know that you practically dump the entire sugar bowl into your cup, but that's not the point."

 

He crashed and burned with that response.

 

Akutagawa chuckled, hell, he almost laughed, and to Atsushi's eternal shock, he smiled. It was more like a happy stretch of his mouth, but if that isn't a smile then Atsushi doesn't know what is. Compared to how Akutagawa had been treating him on the sidewalk earlier, Atsushi was completely surprised. The younger's heart skipped a beat at the soft smile his literal mortal nemesis was giving him, because he just admitted to spying on Akutagawa and his tea habits, for the love of God.

 

"Then what is the point?"

 

"...I don't know..." Atsushi flicked at the bar's counter, the hardwood surface scraping underneath his black-painted nail. "I just didn't expect you to like sugary things."

 

"Criminals are allowed to like desserts, too, Jinko. Don't be so narrow-minded." Akutagawa didn't really feel like drinking his beer anymore. He felt more like he wanted to keep talking to Jinko. With his gorgeous smile, his enchanting laugh, his stunning eyes, and how utterly adorable his comments were. Akutagawa was so head-over-heels for the weretiger he wanted to dig a hole and climb in and shrivel up and die in it.

 

"It's not that!" Atsushi swatted at Akutagawa's shoulder, and if Akutagawa said he swatted like a cat or something else as ridiculous he would punch the mafioso into next week. "Just— you don't really look like you prefer sugar over horribly bitter."

 

"I grew up in the slums, Jinko. As an orphan, you should know how scarce sugar was back then. For orphaned children now, it's probably the same. So my sweet tooth is most likely influenced from past experiences."

 

"Haah...I get that, honestly. Sugar was so hard to get back then, but now it's just a part of my daily life. Everyone at the Agency calls me weird from how much sugar I put in my coffee." 

 

Their conversation drifted on, eventually digressing from sugar to chocolate and how it worked as currency, then to notebooks, then to favorite colors and favorite animals (Atsushi was surprised when Akutagawa said he really only liked cats), and then randomly switched topics again.

 

They must've sat there for over an hour, simply chatting the time away with anything they could come up with. It was...

 

Comfortable.

 

It was just them, talking like the world wasn't in peril every five seconds because of that reality bending book, talking like weren't always at each other's throats with threats and promises, intertwined more often than not, talking like they knew each other and weren't just obligated partners working together to save their own lives.

 

Atsushi wished it could go on for eternity.

 

And so did Akutagawa, but who knew if Atsushi would ever gain knowledge of that.

 

"Jinko."

 

"Yeah?" Atsushi finished off his glass of wine, still tasting the bitterness on his tongue, and seeing the vermilion dregs in his peripheral vision.

 

"I've heard that this club is known for its themed dance nights, where they pick different genres of songs for each corresponding night..."

 

"Uh...yeah, they do do that...why do you ask?" Atsushi could only watch with curious eyes as Akutagawa set his drink down, and got up from his seat, extending his hand towards Atsushi, palm up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"May I have this dance, Jinko?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Atsushi very calmly exploded on the inside.

 

Wait— did— but— Akutagawa, he— he just—

 

"This is nightclub, Akutagawa, not a ballroom, you don't need to be so formal," mumbled Atsushi, still taking Akutagawa's hand and being lead to the dancefloor, refusing to make eye contact with Akutagawa's raincloud ones.

 

Atsushi, in a little corner of his mind past the panic and embarrassment of Akutagawa even paying attention to him, was extremely happy. Akutagawa was in a good mood, and he even smiled at one point (which is the equivalent of achieving world peace to Atsushi). It was nice to see Akutagawa outside of the battlefield. In normal clothes, doing normal things. 

 

Now that they were on the sloped dancefloor, a shallow pit with stairs as the entrance, Atsushi payed attention to the DJ.

 

"That was Enchanted by Taylor Swift, one of her biggest hits, folks! And now, for Seductive Saturday, we'll be playing Line Without a Hook by Ricky Montgomery!" The DJ practically screamed, his voice booming through the speakers.

 

Seductive Saturday...? Atsushi repressed his urge to gag. Out of all the alliteration, they picked seductive?

 

On the bright side, they were about to play one of his favorite songs. Though he didn't know if it qualified as "seductive". Nor did Enchanted, when he thought about it.

 

He smiled at Akutagawa (which made Akutagawa's heart do a backflip inside his fragile chest) and they started dancing. Neither of them really knew how they started, they just flowed with the music and the people around them.

 

Akutagawa put one hand on Atsushi's hip, and the other resting on the small of his back. Atsushi's arms were slung around Akutagawa's shoulders, and they were doing a weird sort of...waltz. Kind of. Atsushi didn't know how to dance at all, much to Akutagawa's amusement.

 

Despite being in a nightclub, most of the guests were dancing fairly slowly, so Akutagawa and Atsushi followed suit, tracing an uneven pattern onto the dancefloor, that wasn't anything but theirs.

 

"What's with that look?" Akutagawa inquired, extremely aware of how he was touching Atsushi, even though it wasn't skin contact. And Atsushi was leaning into his touch. Then again, that's what dance partners did.

 

 

 

And that's all they were, in all formats, in all situations.

 

 

 

Just partners.

 

 

 

Nothing less, nothing more.

 

 

 

"It's nothing," Atsushi mumbled. "I just really like this song,"

 

"You like Line Without a Hook?"

 

"Yes, now shut up. This is my favorite part of the song," Atsushi could feel Akutagawa's hands warming him, and supporting him. Dancing with Akutagawa this closely and intimately was not helping him squash his feelings down into a thin powder and throwing that powder off a cliff.

 

He wasn't exactly complaining, though.

 

Ricky Montgomery's voice poured out of the speakers smoothly, the lyrics and melody weaving together familiarly.

 

"Darling, when I'm fast asleep, I've seen this person watching me, saying, 'Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Tell me, is it worth it?' 'Cause there is something, and there is nothing, there is nothing in between, and in my eyes, there is a tiny dancer, watching over me, he's singing,"

 

Atsushi lost himself in the lyrics, in the feel of Akutagawa close to him, in the lights and flashes of the nightclub, until something pulled him back to reality. The lyrics were the same—

 

But the voice wasn't.

 

His heterochromatic eyes popped open to see Akutagawa's lips moving.

 

Oh.

 

Oh.

 

Akutagawa was singing.

 

It was quiet, so only Atsushi could hear it, but it was heavenly.

 

"'She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a boy', he's singing, 'She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a line without a hook,'" Akutagawa sang, a little more than a whisper. It sent shivers down Atsushi's spine. He didn't know Akutagawa could sing, and he was glad he knew now. It was gravelly, rough, and was so utterly enticing, Atsushi could listen to it all day.

 

Maybe that night was a Seductive Saturday.

 

"Oh, baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you, I need you here to stay,"

 

If Akutagawa kept singing like this Atsushi was seriously going to kiss him. But if he kissed him, it'd stop Akutagawa from singing, and as much as he wanted to taste Akutagawa's lips, he wouldn't sacrifice hearing a cover of Line Without a Hook from the man he loved for that.

 

"Broke all my bones that day I found you crying at the lake, was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden? Oh,"

 

Atsushi thought about the "I need you here to stay" lyric. Would Akutagawa ever say anything like that to him? Would Akutagawa ever admit to needing him, wanting him? Maybe after this night, it would all fall back into place. They'd insult each other, complete the mission, and then never talk until mandatory. Maybe tonight was just a fluke. Akutagawa would never reveal his true feelings for Atsushi, let alone those feelings actually being romantic.

 

...

 

A weretiger could dream.

 

Akutagawa sang out the last verse, grip tight around Atsushi and looking at him like he was the most beautiful thing in the world. "And if I could take it all back, I swear that I would pull you from the tide,"

 

You've already pulled me from the tide.

 

You've saved me in so many ways, you don't even know, Akutagawa.

 

He'd thrown these words around inside his head so many times he'd lost count.

 

I love y—

 

Akutagawa coughed harshly, either to cover up his spontaneous (but amazing) singing, or because singing was probably hard on his impaired lungs.

 

"I didn't know you could sing," Atsushi was 100% going to tease Akutagawa about this later, preferably in front of many people. Akutagawa was most likely aware of this by Atsushi's huge and mischievous smile.

 

"I don't really care for singing, but I'm not tone deaf." 

 

"So if you don't like it why'd you sing now?" He heard the next song start up, Bite Me by Enhypen, and it couldn't compare to Akutagawa's voice in Atsushi's forever biased opinion. Maybe he was looking at Akutagawa through rose tinted lens, but that's what all people did when they were in love.

 

"Because you said you enjoyed the song," Akutagawa flushed, praying to God that the weretiger couldn't see.

 

The shorter of the duo smiled. "So you wanted to show off? How very Akutagawa of you. Though, I gotta say, you're really good at singing,"

 

"No, I'm not."

 

"Yes, you are."

 

"No, I'm not."

 

"Yes, you are."

 

"No, I'm not."

 

"Yes, you are." Atsushi beamed, because this could go on forever and he'd enjoy it.

 

"Can you even sing, Jinko? Or are you jealous?"

 

"Ah, yes, because I'm jealous of a twenty year old eyebrowless murderer who's probably never even had his first kiss," deep, deep down Atsushi wished Akutagawa hadn't, in fact, had his first kiss.

 

"You're impossible to have a conversation with."

 

"You stole the words right out of my mouth!" Atsushi laughed, loving the pout on Akutagawa's mouth. Atsushi thought the scowl was from the insult of having no eyebrows (which honestly, he didn't have any).

 

But in actuality, Akutagawa was tripping over the words in his mind— because he hadn't had his first kiss. It made sense, after all, why would he of all people kiss someone purposefully? But then it was also kind of sad. It made him seem loveless. Though at this point, he would much rather die loveless than kiss anyone besides Jinko.

 

It would be a bit cliché to say that they danced the night away like some sort of fairytale (when both of their fates would, in the end, probably never achieve a happily ever after), but it wasn't far off from what they did. From slow songs to fast songs, Akutagawa spun Atsushi around and they danced together, both living comfortably underneath the roof of the lie that this could possibly one day be the norm for them.

 

After at least over five songs, Akutagawa leaned in close— enough to spike Atsushi heart rate— and asked something. "Want to go to the roof?"

 

"The roof?" Atsushi was puzzled.

 

"There's three floors to this nightclub, Jinko. The ground floor is for drinking and dancing, the second is for VIP rooms, and the roof has a pool and, because patrons love alcohol, another bar."

 

"You sure know your way around a club."

 

"I've been to this place before." Akutagawa admitted.

 

"Really? Why?" Atsushi couldn't have pictured Akutagawa dressing and up and going to a nightclub like this before tonight. Maybe it was for an undercover mission.

 

"The Port Mafia may look scary, but an awful lot of the employees are...party people, to say the least. Chuuya-san, Tachihara-kun, Gin, and Higuchi have dragged me out here before."

 

Atsushi had to stifle a giggle, imagining Akutagawa awkwardly standing in the corner, anything but brooding, holding his sister's drink, while she danced with her girlfriend.

 

"I get that. The Agency members always convince me to do the most random things, like karaoke or even scuba diving a while back, when Kyouka-chan won coupons to it in a mall raffle." 

 

"You're too soft-hearted."

 

"So are you, if you let Mafia members take you places outside your comfort zone."

 

"Do not refer to me as soft-hearted, Jinko."

 

"Well, you're not the textbook soft-hearted, but I think you're pretty kind." I also think you're pretty, along with kind.

 

Akutagawa opened and closed his mouth twice, before ultimately just not responding to the praise.

 

"You can't take a compliment, huh?"

 

"Like a compliment from you, Jinko, even has any merit," Akutagawa lied. A compliment from Atsushi was like eight hours of pure sleep.

 

"Quit your insults and let's go to the roof," Atsushi unhooked his arms from around Akutagawa's neck, grabbing the mafioso's wrist and dragging him from the dancefloor.

 

Damn, he's handsome.

 

Even in the club's odd lighting, Atsushi couldn't help but admire Akutagawa. He never knew Akutagawa's ears were pierced, but holy shit he needed to wear those stud earrings more.

 

They climbed up the steps to escape the dancefloor, Atsushi's hand subconsciously slipping from Akutagawa wrist to limply grasping his hand. No one was complaining.

 

Past the drunken patrons, past the bar, and past the VIP rooms on the second floor, Atsushi and Akutagawa quickly made their way up the third floor, traveling up the stairs and being greeted with a door. Atsushi opened it, excited because, wouldn't you know it, orphans don't have a lot of chances to see pools on roofs. Today must've been his lucky day, although the part with Akutagawa being remarkably happy was a bit of a miracle instead of luck.

 

The third floor of Death By A Thousand Cuts— which was literally just the roof— had a large, rectangular pool in the middle, filled with impossibly blue water that was shot full of multi-colored lights from the bottom. People were crowded everywhere, even the aquamarine moonlit swimming pool, but it was noticeably less than the first floor. There was a small bar to one side, and on its opposite was a snack bar, along with chairs and small tables littering the area around the pool. What Atsushi liked most about the whole place was the view. You could see the outlines of all the buildings in Yokohama, sparkling with golden dots everywhere. They were like stars of their own.

 

Atsushi turned to ask Akutagawa where he wanted to sit, but the dark-haired man interrupted him.

 

"So help me God, Jinko, if you even try to push me into the pool, I'm using Rashomon faster than you've ever seen and dragging you in with me." 

 

Atsushi laughed, not expecting that of all things from the older. And now he was thinking of pushing Akutagawa into the pool...

 

"I promise I won't try to push you in. If I do, I'll succeed instead of try," Atsushi smiled, patting Akutagawa on the shoulder, and a small part of him cheered that Akutagawa didn't immediately push him away from the contact. Then again, they had just danced together for over a half hour.

 

The withering glare Atsushi got from the other from the pushing comment made him laugh again, a happy noise that was slowly affecting Akutagawa too.

 

"You look much too joyful right now, Jinko."

 

"Is it wrong to smile?"

 

"No," not when it's you, "But you look like some starstruck child in a toy store. This is simply just a nightclub."

 

"I've never been before, cut me some slack," Atsushi could feel the night air against his back, and it was helping cool off his red face. For some reason he was blushing around Akutagawa. Isn't that crazy? Who blushes in front of their crush? Absolutely ridiculous.

 

"Wow, you've never seen a body of water before?"

 

"Yeah, like how you've never seen smile aimed at you."

 

"You're smiling at me."

 

Atsushi had no comeback to that, because he was grinning too wide. Damn, Akutagawa won this time. Atsushi bashfully covered his mouth with his hands, mumbling a "shut up".

 

"I'm going to go get us drinks," Akutagawa knew if he kept ruffling the weretiger's feathers he'd be hoisted into the pool at one point, so he cut the insult-fest short. "What drink do you want?"

 

"Hey, you don't have to pay for me. I'll get my own drink." 

 

"I already paid for your wine, so I don't see why this drink now is a hindrance,"

 

He had a point. Atsushi briefly remembered Akutagawa setting down money on the polished bar counter before asking him to dance.

 

""Well, excuuuse me, I'm not rich like you, Akutagawa. And money can't buy you happiness, you know,"

 

You're all the happiness I need, Jinko.

 

Oh God, did I really just think that? What is this, some Hallmark movie?

 

Then he heard Atsushi quietly say a small utterance; "...I'll take a soda, though. Thank you."

 

"Poor little cat boy. Having some rich mafioso buying him a drink," and with that parting jab, Akutagawa turned to get the drinks, leaving Atsushi to get flustered over being called "cat boy".

 

Akutagawa soon returned with their drinks, and Atsushi had a breath of relief that Akutagawa didn't get him something stupid like RC Cola. Instead, just a Mountain Dew.

 

The soda was cold, numbing Atsushi's fingers, but it was refreshing after all that dancing. Atsushi could only raise an eyebrow at the drink Akutagawa picked, though.

 

"You got a sweetened tea? Not beer or something?"

 

"I've already had two beers. I'm not a gigantic fan of alcohol, and I think you already know how I prefer tea over any beverage, you weird version of Peeping Tom."

 

"I'm not a Peeping Tom!" Atsushi half-screeched as they walked around, looking for empty seats.

 

"Fine, you're a Peeping Jinko, is that any better?"

 

"No."

 

"Too bad, so sad."

 

The younger couldn't focus on the conversation fully, because it felt like his mind was running a million miles per second, due to one sentence.

 

At the beginning of the night, Akutagawa clearly said; "Besides, if I'm going to deal with you of all people for the rest of the night, I'll need at least a few beers."

 

Akutagawa was far from drunk, just a bit tipsy. Yet here he was, dealing with Atsushi and apparently having a good time.

 

Atsushi's chest warmed at the thought of being good enough for Akutagawa. Not a lot of people could make Akutagawa enjoy their company like this.

 

Atsushi smiled for what must've been the hundredth time that night. Or maybe he never stopped smiling.

 

In the end, since there were no free seats, the duo ended up sitting on the lip of the roof, their backs to the city alight with gold, and drunk idiots cannonballing into the pool, spraying water over everyone nearby.

 

Then Akutagawa said something Atsushi honestly didn't expect. There were a lot of surprises that night.

 

"If you fall, I'll catch you."

 

"I— what?"

 

"Don't pretend like you're smart enough to not teeter off this ledge, Jinko."

 

Of course. The second Akutagawa says anything remotely romantic, he goes and insults Atsushi. 

 

"Smarts have nothing to do with that! Besides, I have the balance of a tiger, okay? I'm not teetering off anything tonight, emo boy." Atsushi stuck out his tongue. "And...why would you even catch me?" The detective hated how small his voice sounded. "I thought you wanted me dead."

 

"I would be sorely disappointed if you met your end by falling off the roof of a godforsaken nightclub, truly." Akutagawa sipped his bottled tea. "So if you fall, I'll catch you. Simple as that."

 

Atsushi blushed because if anything had fallen off the roof and plummeted to its death, it was Atsushi's self-control.

 

"Well. Thank you. If you fall, I'll try to also catch you."

 

"At that point I'll just be resigned to perishing, if you don't mind."

 

"Wow, being rescued by me is that appalling?"

 

"Yes." Akutagawa replied, in the most sarcastic tone possible.

 

The chatter from other people and splashes from the pool soon filled the silence, Atsushi and Akutagawa just drinking their drinks and silently enjoying each other's company. Although the moment was far from calm, it was much more tame than their usual reasons for being together.

 

They were a team— Shin Soukoku; a ruthless and powerful assassin from the Port Mafia, and a feared but kind-hearted weretiger from the Armed Detective Agency. They had abilities that matched up perfectly, the yin and the yang.

 

So, when the time came, they'd be paired together. But when Yokohama wasn't in danger? When villains weren't roaming the streets with too many tricks up their blood stained sleeves? When everything was at peace?

 

There was no need for them to be together.

 

To imagine Akutagawa and Atsushi together in a domestic, normal setting would be a far-fetched daydream. They could never be together. They weren't allowed to cross the boundary of partners.

 

Although there was nothing more the both of them wanted to do.

 

Atsushi wanted give Akutagawa a goodnight kiss every night before bed. Akutagawa wanted to hold Atsushi's hand and put his lips to it, telling him he was there.

 

They both wanted to be happy with each other, but that invisible barrier was stopping them. That wall built with bricks made of all their fears.

 

Atsushi, occupied with his thoughts, didn't notice how cold he was, but his body did. Drinking the frosted soda mixed with the pressured wind from high up, his thin (and admittedly cheap) sweater wasn't protecting him from any of the biting, dry cold.

 

The thing that pulled him from the sluice of thoughts was something warm being put on his shoulders.

 

His head immediately turned to the side, amber-amethyst eyes meeting grey ones. Akutagawa looked happy (or at least, not grumpy), and a tad embarrassed.

 

Oh.

 

Then the weretiger noticed the newfound jacket around his shoulders.

 

Atsushi opened his mouth to ask Akutagawa what had gotten into him, because he knew Akutagawa would not give up his cherished coat this easily just because Atsushi was a little chilly under normal circumstances, but Akutagawa beat him to the punch.

 

"You've been shaking like a cat with the mange for the past five minutes, Jinko. It's pathetic, and I'm nowhere near as cold, so accept the jacket." Once again, Akutagawa was the king of deflecting his endearing actions by putting a practical spin on them. Topped with a cat metaphor. 

 

"You didn't need to. I'm fine being cold."

 

"Hearing you chatter your teeth is torture."

 

"My teeth don't chatter!"

 

"Fine, your fangs were chattering."

 

"You are not allowed to make tiger fang jokes, when you literally were a vampire at one point."

 

"Oh, but I just did make a tiger-fang joke."

 

"I didn't know you could joke."

 

"I didn't know you couldn't just accept a jacket to warm you like a normal civilian."

 

"I can, for your information." Atsushi made an overdramatic show of slipping his arms through the sleeves, even puffing up the collar. "Also, if you're really going to make good on your deal of keeping me from falling, you shouldn't give up your Rashomon coat."

 

"I can summon Rashomon through other pieces of cloth, fool," Akutagawa made a thin tendril of the aforementioned ability, and instead of pitch black, this Rashomon was a shiny black, just like Akutagawa's shirt, where he was fueling it from. 

 

Then he flicked Atsushi on the forehead.

 

"Ow! Rude, emo boy."

 

Atsushi wasn't fully paying attention, instead enamored by the coat he was wearing. It smelled like Akutagawa, so that meant now he smelled like Akutagawa, and Akutagawa smelled like figs and sugar and blood just a little bit, and it was really nice. Atsushi ignored his urge to sniff the jacket, and just settled comfortably. He probably looked like some schoolgirl obsessed with her crush's clothes, but he didn't care. The jacket made him feel strangely safe.

 

"Jinko."

 

For the umpteenth time that night, Akutagawa said "Jinko" like it was a name instead of a derogatory term. It was a nice change of pace that was probably going to reset to factory settings by the next day.

 

"Yeah?" 

 

"Earlier, you..." Akutagawa coughed into his hand, not making eye contact with the weretiger. "You made a certain comment."

 

"I make a lot of comments. Humor me, and tell me which one," Atsushi grinned stupidly, not expecting the next words that would fall from Akutagawa's lips.

 

"You said you..." The mafioso's face was a bright pink, highlighted even more against his pale skin. He sighed.

 

"You said you felt safe when you were with me."

 

"Oh."

 

"I feel safe when I'm with you."

 

Atsushi couldn't deny saying that. He thought Akutagawa hadn't heard him.

 

"Um...what about me saying that..?" Atsushi's face was on fire, just like Akutagawa's, and he didn't know which was louder; his heartbeat or the music playing from the speakers near the pool.

 

"Did you mean it?" Oh, Akutagawa definitely wasn't making eye contact now.

 

"...Of course I meant it. Why would I lie about that?" Atsushi chose his words carefully. "I feel safer with you than anyone else."

 

Some sort of emotion that Atsushi couldn't place flashed through Akutagawa's silver eyes.

 

"Are you soft in the head, Jinko? I'm a killer from the Mafia, and I want you dead. Why the hell would you feel safe around me?" Akutagawa spat, because there was no way the weretiger was telling the truth.

 

"Because you always save me! Even if it's something small, you— you always protect me in some way. And I don't know why. And it's just— every time I have no hope, you show up somehow, and...and you're basically like my knight in shining armor. Who's also my partner." The words tumbled out of Atsushi's mouth before he could even comprehend them, and it felt amazing to just stop hiding his feelings. "I know it's foolish, okay? You don't want anything to do with me and here I am, trusting you with my life, and—"

 

The entire world fell silent in that moment.

 

"I like you, Akutagawa."

Chapter 2: Your Scars And Flaws Are What Make You Beautiful

Summary:

Smut. Finally. But basically, Atsushi finally gets his feelings out and it leads to...things...

Notes:

Here's your smut 😔

There's also yk like the full confession scene and all that so please enjoy the last chapter :>

My friend just came to me and basically had a mental breakdown like right before I'm uploading this now so uhh yeah idk I'm tired not bc of the friend but just cuz life ;-;

Idc what anyone says top Akutagawa is just >>>>

Sorry if the smut sucks I'm scared of the word cock (yes I'm joking also there was this oneshot I read I don't remember what it was called but the author said smth like "reading the word cock and writing it are two very different things" and I FELT that

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Before Akutagawa could even interject, Atsushi rambled on, so confused by his own feelings that he didn't know where to start and where to end.

 

"I mean— not like that— well, yes, like that, but not... Agh, I'm so stupid," Atsushi hid his face in his hands, feeling how warm his cheeks were. "Sorry,"

 

"Why are you apologizing?"

 

"Because I'm such an idiot."

 

"If you think I understood anything you just said, then yes, you're an idiot—"

 

"I have a crush on you, Akutagawa! Okay?!" Atsushi spat. "Now hurry up and reject me so I can forget this night." 

 

Akutagawa watched Atsushi practically curl into himself, like he was trying to shy away from the world.

 

"Jinko—"

 

"Don't 'Jinko' me, Akutagawa... This is all so stupid. The director of the orphanage always told me that no one would ever love me, and I think he's right. Out of everyone I decide to have feelings for, it's for the man who hates me and wants me dead and—"

 

"Jinko."

 

Well Akutagawa certainly wasn't expecting that. Though it was very Atsushi-like of the weretiger to spill his feelings by accident, Akutagawa didn't know what to say. Yes, he reciprocated the Jinko's feelings, but how can he phrase it?

 

Maybe he should just kiss him.

 

"That hellish man is dead, and whatever he said about you was just a lie." Oh, how much Akutagawa wanted to take the life of that director and watch his blood run in rivulets as he screamed in agony. But alas, it was too late. 

 

 

 

"I don't hate you, Jinko. I've told you so many times."

 

 

 

"Then how do you feel about me?" Atsushi turned to him, worry and frustration painted all over his features. He was so scared and yet so sure of rejection.

 

 

 

Akutagawa bit his lip. As much as he hated seeing Atsushi in dismay like this, he...didn't really know how to express his feelings. He never did.

 

 

 

"I..."

 

 

 

There they were, a detective and an assassin, perched on the edge of the roof of a nightclub. Both of their faces were tinged with a deep red, and they both didn't know how to react to their own feelings toward each other. Two sides of one coin.

 

 

 

Akutagawa took a breath, and for once, his lungs felt light.

 

 

 

"Jinko, you're going to drive me insane. You're so beautiful, and kind, and perfect, and I can't stand it. You make me feel all these things I didn't even know existed until you, and it's torture. I just..."

 

 

 

I just want to spend the rest of my life with you.

 

 

 

"I think I the way I feel about you is the complete opposite of hate."

 

 

 

Oh, if only his enemies could see him now. The terrifying, reckless Rabid Dog wrapped around the finger of a mere detective? It was a ridiculous scene. Someone as cold as him, baring his feelings to the embodiment of his polar opposite.

 

Then Atsushi laughed.

 

Akutagawa didn't expect that. And it was less of a laugh, and more like a giggle (which was adorable in Akutagawa's eyes), but no matter what it was, he was smiling. Sort of a sad smile, but it was optimistic nonetheless. Atsushi's body language was still scared, wound up. But in his eyes was only relief.

 

"We're really messed up, aren't we, Akutagawa? We can't even admit our feelings normally..." Atsushi looked down at his hands, the smile still on his lips. Lips that Akutagawa very much wanted to kiss, right now.

 

"I'd say this was pretty normal."

 

"The 'opposite of hate'? Really, Akutagawa?" Atsushi was trying his hardest to not break down right then and there. Akutagawa. Fucking. Ryuunosuke. Loved him back.

 

No! He just likes me! Not love! Don't get any ideas, Atsushi! He scolded himself, pinching himself to make sure this wasn't all a dream.

 

"Says the person who could barely string a sentence together,"

 

"Well I'm not used to feeling like this." Atsushi defended, pulling Akutagawa's jacket tighter on his body. This wasn't real. It couldn't be. He remembered the words from his past engraved into his mind and skin.

 

"No one will ever love you."

 

Yet it was real. It had to be.

 

"Nor am I accustomed to this, Jinko."

 

"Um...Akutagawa..?"

 

"Ryuunosuke." Akutagawa wasn't making eye contact. Atsushi found it funny that even the dark-haired man could feel awkward at times. But he wanted to see Akutagawa's eyes— that steely, stormy grey. A dark wintery night was condensed in Akutagawa's eyes, always swirling with some mysterious thought. Atsushi liked looking at them, guessing what thoughts he was having.

 

"Huh?"

 

Akutagawa rolled the eyes Atsushi adored so much. "Call me Ryuunosuke."

 

Atsushi flushed, the idea of calling Akutagawa anything but Akutagawa, feeling it was very intimate. "Alright, Aku— er, Ryuu."

 

"I said Ryuunosuke, not Ryuu—"

 

"Too late," Atsushi grinned, his toothy smile infuriatingly infectious. Akutagawa felt his heart warming, the electricity underneath his skin thrumming louder. He gave a small smile.

 

"Ryuu it is, then, but on one condition."

 

Atsushi, who was still recovering and trying to figure out what their relationship was now, didn't expect a condition. "Oh? And what's that, Ryuu?"

 

At that point, nothing could ruin Atsushi's mood. He was ecstatic and scared and nervous and in love, and it felt amazing. It was like he could finally take a breath of air after days of suffocating.

 

 

 

 

"I'd like to do this." 

 

.

 

 

With that short, final answer, Akutagawa leaned forward, closing the gap between him and the weretiger, their lips meeting together almost perfectly. Atsushi almost pushed Akutagawa away from the shock, but quickly just closed his eyes and melted into the kiss. Akutagawa's lips were rough, chaste and warm. It was a better taste than chazuke.

 

Akutagawa snuck a hand behind Atsushi's back, pressing flat against him, pushing the white-haired boy closer and deeper into the kiss. The Jinko had the softest lips, and Akutagawa didn't know why a sinner like him was even allowed to experience something as heavenly as Atsushi's mouth slanted against his.

 

The kiss couldn't have lasted more than five seconds, but they eventually parted, realizing they were in public. In public surrounded by drunk partygoers absorbed into their own little bubbles, but still.

 

"Uh..." Atsushi's brain completely blanked out. So he just said, "That wasn't a terrible condition."

 

"You're a weirdo, Jinko," Akutagawa scoffed, already knowing this night was probably going to land him in hot water with the Port Mafia. Technically, there was nothing wrong with dating an Agency member, but it would damage his reputation somewhat if people got wind of it.

 

"Yeah, but you like that weirdo," Atsushi sang out, lips still tingling from the kiss. It had been desperate, fast and absolutely perfect. The phantom of Akutagawa's lips would probably haunt the weretiger for weeks.

 

"And that I do," Akutagawa confirmed, standing up and turning to Atsushi. The shorter could see the mafioso's face clearly now. He had the lightest dusk pink alight on his cheeks and his eyes were far from the usual sullen— they were bright.

 

"Would you like to get a private suite?"

 

"I— a what?"

 

"I'm assuming you want to kiss me more because of the way you're staring at my lips," Akutagawa held out a hand to Atsushi. "I'll gladly pay for a room, if it suits you,"

 

Goddammit, why is he such a gentleman when he wants to be, Atsushi took his hand, standing up and smiling. "I wouldn't mind that,"

 

 

~~

 

 

The second Akutagawa had closed the door of the suite, after renting it out for an hour, he gently pushed Atsushi against the wall and asked one thing, face less than an inch away from the shorter boy's.

 

"Would you like me to kiss you?"

 

Atsushi simply huffed, "Don't act like I'm the only one enjoying the kissing, Ryuu," before swiftly tilting his head up and locking lips with the taller man.

 

Their position soon shifted from kissing against the wall to onto the couch in the suite, Akutagawa sitting down and Atsushi easily settling into his lap, their kisses heated and fast.

 

They needed air, though, unfortunately, and eventually broke the make out session. Atsushi panted for air, feeling Akutagawa's hands on his hips. "R-Ryuu..."

 

"Hm? What is it?" Akutagawa leaned forward, leaving kisses along Atsushi's jaw, to which the weretiger gladly leaned into.

 

"Something terrible happened."

 

"And what was that?"

 

Atsushi reared back from where Akutagawa was attacking him with butterfly kisses. He looked at the mafioso completely seriously before breaking out into a wide grin. "My first kiss was with someone from the Port Mafia. How am I going to explain that to anyone?"

 

"That doesn't sound so terrible to me,"

 

Akutagawa wanted to kiss Atsushi again. The electricity that ran up his spine when he felt those lips against his was marvelous. He wanted to kiss the detective again and again and again until his memory was permanently imprinted against Atsushi's lips. He wanted to be Atsushi's first kiss and last. 

 

"Kunikida-san will get mad," Atsushi latched onto Akutagawa's mouth again, feeling the dark-haired man's tongue poking out, slipping over his lower lip asking for permission to go further. Atsushi let him. "And probably Fukuzawa-san— mmh—!" Atsushi let out a small squeak of surprise to Akutagawa shoving his tongue down his throat.

 

He felt Akutagawa's lithe hand crawl from his hip to the back of his head, pushing the weretiger impossibly close.

 

To Atsushi, kissing Akutagawa was...

 

Everything.

 

It was soft, his lips gentle, with his tongue licking into Atsushi's mouth. It was warm, and felt amazing. Atsushi could die from this, and he wouldn't even care. Akutagawa was going to consume him whole, like a match set to wood. Atsushi was burning up, crumbling and smoking, flickering and withering. His entire body felt hot and the only thing occupying his mind was Akutagawa Ryuunosuke.

 

And while Akutagawa's tongue, teeth and lips were distracting the detective a cumbersome amount, he was inevitably noticing something else.

 

Arousal.

 

One of Akutagawa's hands was rooted in his white locks, pulling slightly, making Atsushi moan, the sensation a pain that quickly led to pleasure. The other hand was at his hip still, slowly dipping underneath the hem of his tight pants. What had led from just one kiss led to full on making out, and now...

 

What were they going to do after this?

 

Atsushi's pants felt a little too tight, his body a little too warm. Liquid arousal was pooling in his stomach like lava, his mind clouded with lust, reflecting in his eyes, a golden-lavender haze. Atsushi didn't know a lot about sex, just the basics, and he sure as hell didn't know about intercourse between two men very much. All he knew was the broad strokes of what would happen and not how it would feel. He assumed Akutagawa knew. Probably. Hopefully.

 

But would this even lead to them sleeping together? Would Akutagawa even want to do that with him? 

 

His insecurities seeped into the cracks of his Akutagawa-induced mesmerization, the fear and worries making him put a hand to Akutagawa's chest, stopping them from going further.

 

"Jinko?"

 

"Um... Ryuu— I...this..."

 

Akutagawa cupped Atsushi's face in his hand that was previously gripping his hair, looking up at him with concern in those marbled silver eyes. "You can talk to me, Jinko." 

 

"It's embarrassing..." Atsushi flushed, his cheeks turning a bright pink. He should probably take things slower, right? He had loved Akutagawa for a really long time by now, and now that he knew Akutagawa returned the feelings, so it was only natural for them to end up—

 

Atsushi shook his head. That thought was embarrassing. All of this was. Then again, he wasn't completely innocent. Beforehand, he'd found himself daydreaming from time to time about Akutagawa. And how his lips would feel, his tongue, his fingers, his—

 

Oh Atsushi needed to snap out of it.

 

"Does it look like I care if it's embarrassing?" Akutagawa snorted, letting go of Atsushi's face and interlocking their fingers. "Tell me,"

 

"Just..." Atsushi rested his chin on Akutagawa's shoulder, not looking at the taller's face, instead at the back of the couch. "Do you really want to do this with me? I'm— I'm not worth it, Akutagawa. You can do better than me."

 

"Jinko, did all that kissing addle your mind? I couldn't possibly meet someone better than you, or anyone like you." Oh Akutagawa was just buttering him up now. But it was how the older man truly felt. 

 

"You're magnificent, and I'm the one who doesn't deserve you," Akutagawa said, stating it like a fact and not an opinion.

 

Atsushi bit his lip. The headmaster of his orphanage had told him time after time that he didn't deserve love, and he could never gain it. Yet here Akutagawa was, showering him with a type of love he didn't know felt this good.

 

Maybe the headmaster was wrong. Maybe it was okay to love Akutagawa.

 

"I really am a fool."

 

"You don't need to tell me twice,"

 

"Ryuu—"

 

And then Akutagawa's mouth was back on his, the weretiger could feel Akutagawa grin against his lips, and Atsushi swore he could hear the older man growl. Kissing Akutagawa felt like a dream— one coming true, that is. 

 

Atsushi suddenly arched his back, keening in the contact of Akutagawa palming his growing erection. He didn't even feel Akutagawa's hand leave his hip.

 

"Ryuu— Ryuu—" the weretiger gasped, panting while Akutagawa's sinful mouth slipped lower, littering his neck with blooming roses of hickies. Akutagawa sped his movements up, moving his hand up and down the clothed cock, listening to his submissive little Jinko's whimpers.

 

"Hmm? Do you like that, Jinko?"

 

"Mm— ahh! Y-yes, I do—" his dual shaded eyes fluttered, half open. He looked down at Akutagawa, who was still biting and licking at his neck. "Um— Ryuu, if we're going to do this—"

 

"We don't have to if you're not comfortable," Akutagawa supplied, not taking his hand off of Atsushi's erection. It was impossible for Atsushi to not notice Akutagawa's own forming dent in his pants. "We're moving slightly fast, so—"

 

"No, it's not that. I've had a crush on you for months, so I mean..." Atsushi veered away from mentioning his fantasies about Akutagawa. "I don't mind. I'm ready,"

 

"Really? You seem like someone who needs to be taken on five dates before you'll even allow a kiss," Akutagawa said semi-sarcastically against Atsushi's warm, gossamer skin, kissing the bites on his neck to soothe them, a rainbow of reds and purples on the pale skin.

 

"You're not wrong. But," Atsushi made Akutagawa lift his head, before kissing him on the nose, making Akutagawa blink in surprise, "you're the exception."

 

"I'm flattered," 

 

"Can I make a tiny request though?"

 

"Of course."

 

God, the way Akutagawa's gravelly voice would answer him was sending a lot of blood down south.

 

"I don't want to lose my virginity in a nightclub," Atsushi laughed out, in-between kisses.

 

"Understandable," Akutagawa whispered against his lips. "Would you like to go to my place, or yours?"

 

"Yours, definitely yours," Atsushi blushed further, his face redder than the blood that had decorated Akutagawa's neck, once upon a time on that ship. "Kyouka-chan is at our apartment, so, you know... You don't live with your sister, right?" 

 

"Gin is a very independent woman, she got her own apartment a while ago," Akutagawa departed from his lips, leaving them cold in Atsushi's opinion, staring up at the weretiger with eyes full of something one could only call a barbed, shapeshifting look of love.

 

"Now, come. Follow me,"

 

Atsushi quickly slid out of the older man's lap, adjusting his messed up clothing and hair. Although he was sure Akutagawa was going to mess his outfit and slight makeup up later, he still wanted to be presentable on the way to his apartment.

 

"Hey, Ryuu..?" Atsushi quietly asked, trying to fix his tussled hair in the suite's mirror. His hair was already cut noticably shabby, but Akutagawa's fingers had made it unkempt. He also adjusted the neck of his sweater to cover up the hickies, hidden under the sweater and the spiked collar that Akutagawa had bitten around. And his eyeliner was still sharp. He glanced back at the mafioso, who was adjusting the collar of his shirt. Atsushi laughed a little on the inside at the sight of the serious man's fluffy hair being an equal mess to his.

 

Akutagawa caught him staring, "Yes, Jinko?"

 

Atsushi didn't know how red his face could go at this point, he must've looked like a bright red ruby. "Are we..." he cleared his throat, preparing the dreaded question.

 

"Are we boyfriends?" Atsushi asked.

 

Atsushi wanted to take a page from Dazai's book and throw himself out the suite window now. 

 

"Well, I mean— you know— we don't have to be—"

 

"You're much too cute when you stumble over your words, Jinko," Akutagawa huffed, coming closer to Atsushi and tucking the longer part of his bangs behind his ear. "But it also makes things complicated."

 

Akutagawa stared at Atsushi, the melted silver of his eyes meeting a crystalized honey and amethyst. "Would you like me to be your boyfriend, Nakajima Atsushi?"

 

Atsushi lightly punched Akutagawa's in the arm, smiling despite his nerves. He thought Akutagawa was going to say he was only worth a one night stand or something worse. "Of course. Who wouldn't?"

 

 

 

 

"Surprisingly, not many people are willing to date murderers from the Mafia."

 

 

 

 

"I can fix you." Atsushi smiled warmly.

 

 

 

 

Akutagawa let out a laugh, a short one, and it must have been a record on how many times he'd laughed in a single night. He was always frowning, but Atsushi liked when the laughter was real. When Akutagawa was happy.

 

"Can we leave now, Ryuu?"

 

"Are you an impatient princess?"

 

"Yes, I'm your impatient princess," Atsushi teased, kissing Akutagawa on the cheek. "But really, let's go so you can fuck me already."

 

As they exited the suite, Akutagawa couldn't help but comment, "This is a very bold side of you, Jinko."

 

"I've always been bold," the weretiger scoffed. In truth, he wasn't very assertive, but he definitely had guts.

 

And those guts were going to be rearranged by Akutagawa shortly.

 

 

~~

 

 

They left Death By A Thousand Cuts, Akutagawa checking them out of their suite. Although Atsushi had been very excited, his forming erection wasn't super noticeable, and now that Akutagawa's hands and mouth weren't all over him, the haze had lifted.

 

The cold night air hit Atsushi's senses like plunging into the ocean, feeling like cool steel against his skin. He liked it.

 

"Did you walk here, Ryuu?"

 

"Yes. I live barely ten minutes away," Akutagawa answered, "if you're too tired to walk all the way there, I'll be happy to carry you."

 

Atsushi's heart skipped a beat at the thought of Akutagawa carrying him. Akutagawa had only done it once before, after Atsushi had been severely injured on a mission. He was unconscious for more than half of it, coming to in a bed in Yosano's office, but he still remembered Akutagawa's strong grip holding him close. 

 

Atsushi paused. Was Akutagawa interested in him back then, too?

 

As they filed away from the line of people filling in Death By A Thousand Cuts and onto the sidewalk, the cityscape was practically unchanged from when Atsushi had first gone into the nightclub, besides the sky being an even darker, inky black.

 

"Hey, Ryuu?" Atsushi trailed behind Akutagawa, his boyfriend, watching the taller man's warped reflection in the glass windows as they passed. It was nice that that wall, the one keeping their emotions from breaking through and spilling out, had finally been torn down. Now that they could talk freely, without a simmering longing in their souls.

 

"Yes, love?"

 

Did he just call me love— crap, I liked it, too.

 

"How long have you..." loved me? "...liked me?"

 

Akutagawa coughed into his hand, not looking behind him. "...A considerable amount of time."

 

"Ryuu." 

 

In all truth, Atsushi had been crushing on Akutagawa ever since they made that promise, perhaps even a bit before that. Something about Akutagawa had always enchanted him, and then it finally clicked that he felt love towards him.

 

The mafioso rubbed the back of his neck, clearing his throat again. "Er...how long ago was the fight on the Moby Dick, Jinko?"

 

"It's been that long?"

 

Atsushi didn't expect that. Akutagawa was really good at hiding his feelings. Or maybe Atsushi had just been blind the entire time.

 

Akutagawa grunted. "A bit before that. But during that fight my eyes were truly opened."

 

"How romantic. Beating up the rich American guy," Atsushi chuckled, quickening his step to walk side by side with Akutagawa, his boyfriend.

 

The weretiger looked around, making sure no one was looking, and then reached for Akutagawa's hand. They interlocked fingers and Akutagawa said nothing, the only sign of him acknowledging the comfort was the small lift of the corners of his lips.

 

The night was beautiful, a quiet yet rumbling scenery, filled with people and blinding lights. At the very center of it all were Akutagawa and Atsushi, holding hands, basking in each other's attention and warmth. A warmth that no one had ever offered them. A single smile, a single kiss, a single sentence, it was all they needed. Their relationship had just started yet it'd been around for so long, growing and tangling into their actions like twisting briars.

 

Atsushi smiled. It was all he could do in such a wonderful moment.

 

Atsushi's ears turned red as he was reminded of what they were going to do once they got to Akutagawa's apartment. It would be a lot less peaceful, but much more fulfilling.

 

They finally got to Akutagawa's apartment building, a large structure run by the Mafia to house its most lethal and important members. It must've been over ten stories high, the very top a black, indiscernible shape. Atsushi could never even dream of living in a place this luxurious, with ceiling high windows and literal valet parking.

 

Atsushi slipped his hand from Akutagawa's, his boyfriend, as they entered through revolving doors. The lobbyist and doorman payed no attention to Atsushi coming in alongside Akutagawa, but they were probably scared of the dark-haired man and didn't dare comment on him bringing in what was obviously the coveted weretiger.

 

Atsushi felt nervousness prickling his insides again. This time it wasn't because of fear of rejection or disgust from Akutagawa— it was an uneasiness brought on by their opposing organizations. Akutagawa was from the Port Mafia while he was from the Armed Detective Agency, was Akutagawa going to get in trouble with his boss because of Atsushi? Or the other way around?

 

Atsushi bit his lip as they got into the elevator. Akutagawa was as silent as a statue, but Atsushi could still feel his lingering happiness. The doors closed, and Akutagawa hit the button for the 8th floor.

 

The quietness that followed layered over them like a blanket, it was warm and comfortable. It wasn't awkward. It was just a simple slice of peace before Akutagawa pinned him to a bed.

 

Then the doors dinged and slid open, revealing a demure hallway with golden sconces lighting the way. They stepped onto the red carpet, and Akutagawa led the way to his apartment.

 

"Can Rashomon pick locks?" Atsushi asked out of the blue as Akutagawa unlocked his door.

 

"Sometimes I wonder how your mind works,"

 

"It's just a question,"

 

"If you must know, yes, it can." They stepped inside, taking off their shoes, and closed the door, Atsushi wondering if he should take Akutagawa's coat off and hang it on the coat rack or not. After all, all of his clothing was eventually going to be torn off by the looks of it.

 

"But let's focus on other things, shall we," Akutagawa grabbed the weretiger's wrist, swiftly pinned Atsushi to the wall, leaning in close and putting his lips to the shell of the weretiger's ear. "Atsushi?"

 

And now Atsushi was horny again. He'd never really focused on physical romance, or romance overall, until Akutagawa had walked into his life in the strangest way possible. But now that he knew what kissing unlocked, that fleeting, pleasurable feeling, he wanted this. He needed this. And Akutagawa saying his name in that taunting voice was going to send him over the edge.

 

It started with kisses, their tongues fighting for dominance that Atsushi easily gave up to Akutagawa, digging his fingers into his raven hair, moaning against his mouth as Akutagawa's tongue licked deeper into his mouth.

 

"Aah— R-Ryuu—!" Atsushi squirmed, feeling the wall press against his back as Akutagawa trapped him in place, slotting his leg in-between Atsushi's and feeling the weretiger subconsciously grind down.

 

Akutagawa slipped a finger under Atsushi's spiked collar, tracing underneath it before undoing the clasp. Letting it fall to the floor, Akutagawa attacked his neck again, accompanying the purpling hickies with bright red new ones in mazes marked with teeth marks.

 

Akutagawa slipped his hands under Atsushi's legs, lifting him up, and making the weretiger wrap his legs around his waist for support. Atsushi's erection was painfully noticeable, so Akutagawa carried Atsushi to the bedroom, the detective keeping himself upright by wrapping his arms around Akutagawa's neck, turning his head to the side so Akutagawa could bite and lick at more of his skin.

 

Rashomon slinked out of Akutagawa's shirt and opened the door to the bedroom, a dark, minimalistic room that really fit Akutagawa. Atsushi was dropped onto a bed with silk sheets and the fluffiest pillows he'd ever seen, as Akutagawa kissed from his neck to his jaw to his lips once more. 

 

"Do you really want to do this, Jinko?" Akutagawa asked, looking down at the white-haired detective. "I don't want to pressure you."

 

"Ryuu, how many times do I have to say I'm fine with this?" Even in the dark room you could still see a dark red blush on Atsushi's face. "Although, you could hurry up a little..."

 

"I was right to call you an impatient princess," Akutagawa scoffed, leaning up and sitting in-between Atsushi's legs, unbuttoning his shirt. He wasn't going to take it all off though, because he still wanted to use Rashomon...

 

 

 

"Take off your clothes,"

 

 

 

"Bossy."

 

 

 

"You like it."

 

 

 

"I do," Atsushi grinned at the surprised look on Akutagawa's face, before discarding Akutagawa's coat, sad to see it go, and then threw it on the floor. Then he stripped off his grey sweater, the air hitting his warm skin. He immediately felt self-conscious of the scars all over his body, but Akutagawa had similar ones; including the one that crossed his neck in a perfect slash. A scar he only had because of Atsushi. So Atsushi shoved those thoughts deep down, and knew Akutagawa would understand. He left his gloves on because maybe Akutagawa liked them, and then took off his pants.

 

He felt a bit embarrassed by being in just his boxers, but Akutagawa was in a similar state, minus his shirt still being on. Atsushi gulped. For Akutagawa being thin and definitely underweight, he had abs.

 

I'm not going to stare, I'm not going to stare, I'm not going to stare—

 

Akutagawa cleared his throat. "Jinko."

 

"Uh...yeah?" Atsushi managed to look from Akutagawa's chest to his eyes, that were practically glowing in the dark with a vibrant silver. Atsushi had no idea how Akutagawa wasn't taken already. He was very attractive, personality-wise and physically. Or maybe Atsushi just had a type.

 

"Do you actually know what we're going to do? What I'm going to do?"

 

"Yes, I know! I'm not stupid,"

 

"You seem sheltered."

 

"I've been an orphan for 18 years, humor me."

 

"Well, if you do understand everything, then we might as well get started," Akutagawa gave Atsushi one last kiss on the lips before summoning Rashomon. This kiss was different from all the other ones that night. It was like he was savoring the taste of Atsushi, in case he couldn't ever again.

 

Then the black tendrils that made up Rashomon reached into Akutagawa's pant's pockets, which were lying on the floor, and procured a small bottle of lube.

 

Atsushi took a second to recognize it. "Where'd you get that?"

 

"The suite." Akutagawa supplied like it was obvious, retracting Rashomon and grabbing the bottle. "Did you not see me take it from one of the drawers?"

 

"No. Why would they have that in there?" Atsushi avoided saying the word "lube." It sounded too dirty.

 

"Do you really think people rent out those club suites to do things that don't involve lube?" Akutagawa questioned with a straight face, but Atsushi could see behind it he was close to at least a chuckle.

 

"Just let me be oblivious to those types of people."

 

"You're about to become one of those people. And, Jinko, do you want me to use protection? I know it's your first time—"

 

"Wait what? You mean like...that kind of— wait but we're both guys?" 

 

Akutagawa looked at him incredulously.

 

"Why would two guys need it—?"

 

"Your innocence astounds me."

 

Atsushi was still confused. It's not like he could get pregnant.

 

"But, this is my first time and yours, so I guess it's fine to not use protection," Akutagawa dissipated Rashomon, who was reaching back into his pants on the floor to get the apparently unneeded condom he'd also found at the suite.

 

Akutagawa snapped open the lube bottle's lid, pouring the clear liquid onto his fingers. "This is probably going to feel weird at first. But you'll like it after a while. Tell me if it starts to be too much,"

 

And that was all the warning Akutagawa gave before Rashomon swirled into existence again and latched onto Atsushi's wrists, pinning him to the bed, face up and head against a pillow. Atsushi was secretly into this, so he put up little resistance, despite a sound of surprise escaping him.

 

Akutagawa started peppering kisses along Atsushi's clavicle, tracing the skin with his tongue, making the weretiger involuntarily moan his name. He really liked when the Jinko did that. Maybe he could even get him to scream his name...

 

Akutagawa's non-lubed hand slipped off Atsushi's boxers, tossing them into the pile of clothes already cluttered on the floor. He used the same hand to lift up Atsushi's legs, wrapping them around his waist again. Then he used his other hand to sneak down further, until Atsushi yelped in surprise as he felt a finger push against his rim.

 

"Ah— mmn, Ryuu," Atsushi panted, Akutagawa's relentless attacks on his collarbone not stopping, the kisses turning to hickies quite quickly. Atsushi had no idea how he was going to cover them up tomorrow. The feeling of the mafioso's tongue on his bare skin mixed with his finger scissoring deeper into him little by little was really strange.

 

Then Akutagawa hit that spot.

 

That sweet, sweet spot that sent delicious ecstacy up Atsushi's spine, making him scream his boyfriend's name, and his thighs twitch.

 

"Hm...liked that, did you?" Akutagawa said, sticking a second finger in, moving them faster and harder, loosening up Atsushi for something that'd make him scream even more.

 

"Mm— a-ahh— Ryuu," he wasn't even embarrassed about being completely naked in front of a man he, a few hours ago, thought hated him. All that was crossing his mind was the shock of pleasure that bundle of nerves being hit gave him, the want and need taking over his actions. Then Akutagawa hit it again, with two full fingers.

 

"Ryuu!"

 

"You're so good for me, doll," Akutagawa praised, using his free hand to grab Atsushi's jaw and make the submissive detective look up at him, his heterochromatic eyes half closed and glazed with tears of pleasure, smudging his eyeliner. "So, so good. You're so adorable, taking my fingers like this. Would you like a third one?"

 

Atsushi nodded, not bothering to talk back, the only things wanting to come out of his mouth were incoherent moans and the name of the man above him.

 

Akutagawa obeyed, swiftly adding in a third finger, Atsushi being loose enough for it to slide right in. Akutagawa pumped in and out, the weretiger's insides practically sucking his fingers in deeper.

 

He teased Atsushi from time to time, brushing past but not touching his prostate, and sometimes just hitting it head on, making Atsushi's back arch so much he feared it would break. Sometimes he lithely touched Atsushi's cock, taunting and circling the head with his thumb.

 

Akutagawa was probably enjoying this too much, especially since his own cock was being completely ignored, but he loved seeing the weretiger like this. Atsushi was a moaning, flushed mess but he was also beautiful in Akutagawa's eyes. His tears looked like crystals, and his lips were the most delectable cherry blossom pink Akutagawa had ever seen.

 

He wanted to make Atsushi feel good.

 

He sped up his finger's pace again, hitting the weretiger's prostate repeatedly, pushing Atsushi toward to edge. 

 

"Ah— ahh! Ryuunosuke, Ryuunosuke, Ryuunosuke—" Atsushi chanted his name like a prayer. He was close, so close, he just needed a little bit more and he would come. His fingers dug into Rashomon, still tight around his wrists, not caring if anyone heard his moans. They were only meant for Akutagawa, anyway.

 

After just one more tease, Akutagawa's rough fingers rubbing along Atsushi's prostate in all the right places, the mafioso pulled his fingers out, watching the lube drip from Atsushi's pink hole. Atsushi whined as he felt the digits leave, his cock leaking precum.

 

"Now it's time for the good part," Akutagawa spoke.

 

Akutagawa made sure Atsushi was okay, and the detective was doing just fine, although he was a bit miffed that Akutagawa kept him from his orgasm. Teasing idiot.

 

"Are you ready, Jinko?"

 

"Yes," Atsushi leaned up, as much as Rashomon would allow him, and kissed Akutagawa, slanting his lips against the dark-haired man's like it was an oasis and he was dying of thirst. "You can do basically anything to me and I won't mind, Ryuu,"

 

"I just want to make you comfortable," Akutagawa retorted, making out Atsushi's features in the dim room. You could see desire in the weretiger's eyes, but also a shimmering love. Akutagawa still couldn't believe someone like Atsushi was willing to love him. 

 

"You didn't say that when you sliced my leg off," Atsushi puffed out his cheeks in a very fake pout.

 

"Well that was before all of this,"

 

"I think I prefer now over then,"

 

"Me too, doll," 

 

And before Atsushi could say anything back, Akutagawa hoisted his legs up to rest further up around his waist, crossing his ankles.

 

Akutagawa kissed Atsushi's forehead. "I'll go slow,"

 

And then pushed his cock into Atsushi.

 

"Aah—! Ngh—"

 

He entered Atsushi slowly, sliding out until only the tip was in, and then back, rocking his hips at a gradual pace that went faster bit by bit.

 

Atsushi's moans were uncontrollable now, streaming out of his mouth whether he liked it or not. Akutagawa wanted to hear more, much more, so he thrusted even more rapidly, the sound of skin slapping wet skin filling the room. He wanted to hear Atsushi whimper, and scream his name, and maybe, one day, get on his knees and beg.

 

Shit, just the thought of that was making Akutagawa want to come.

 

He looked at Atsushi's bare chest. It was latticed with scars and burns. A feeling of hatred towards the man who caused these scars, the orphanage director, boiled in his veins.

 

Then Akutagawa saw the very pale, few scars he had left on Atsushi. The guilt flooded his mind, but he kept it at bay by kissing each individual scar, moving his mouth lower and tracing each one with his tongue.

 

"Ryuu— d-don't, those," Atsushi choked out, ashamed of the marks on his skin. "They're ugly. You don't have to—"

 

"They're beautiful," Akutagawa interrupted, not slowing the pace of his hips. "Because you're beautiful,"

 

Atsushi's head fell back, moaning, the praise going straight down to his cock. Those words from Akutagawa meant more to him than the mafioso could ever know.

 

He pounded further into the weretiger, grunting as Atsushi's warm insides enveloped his throbbing cock in a wet heat. He grabbed Atsushi's pulsing cock, pumping it up and down, lubed with precum, making Atsushi's cries increase in volume.

 

"Ah— hahh, Ryuu, no, don't, not there—!" Atsushi begged, the feeling of Akutagawa's fingers on his cock paired with the feeling of Akutagawa filling him up so nicely, not far from filling him with come, was making him come undone.

 

Atsushi was unraveling, bit by bit, the pleasurable abuse to his hole feeling like heaven. "I'm— I'm gonna— mm, I'm close—"

 

The thing that sent him over the edge was Akutagawa biting down on his neck, another lovebite to match the rest, and coincidentally or not, it was the exact same spot Akutagawa had bitten Atsushi when the mafioso was a vampire. And it seemed that that spot on his neck was more sensitive than anywhere else Akutagawa had targeted.

 

"Aahh—! Ngh— Ryuunosuke!" Atsushi screamed, straining against Rashomon as his back arched, before coming all over his stomach and his lover's hand, painting it a splattered white.

 

Akutagawa was so close to his high, too, so he took his hand off Atsushi's cock, and leaned in close. He just needed to fuck Atsushi a little bit more.

 

"May I keep going, doll?"

 

"M-mhm," Atsushi mumbled, trying to catch his breath as he rode out his orgasm high.

 

And with that confirmation, Akutagawa continued his ministrations, Atsushi's ass being tight and absolutely perfect, making him topple over the edge in just a couple more sloppy thrusts.

 

"Ah— Jinko, I'm going to—" Atsushi felt the older man's come stain his insides as Akutagawa released, the warm liquid coating everything. 

 

They both stayed still, panting, in a post-orgasm haze. Atsushi definitely wasn't the most clear-minded while being fucked, but God, that felt amazing. He never thought intimate love like this would be so spectacular.

 

He was yanked back to the present at Akutagawa's gentle hand brushing his sweaty white bangs out his eyes. It was such a gentle gesture that Atsushi felt like crying. This whole night wanted to make him cry. In a good way.

 

"Jinko, you felt amazing,"

 

"Shut up," Atsushi blushed, realizing that Rashomon had retracted sometime while he was occupied, and Akutagawa had pulled out. Now in control of his hands, he hugged Akutagawa.

 

"What is this for—?"

 

"Shut up. Again. Just...thank you," Atsushi mumbled into Akutagawa's shoulder. He nuzzled his face into the dark-haired man's neck. "For everything." For accepting and loving me.

 

"Anything for the man I love,"

 

~~

 

They took a short bath together, where they did nothing suspicious of the sort, and simply cleaned themselves, before tidying up the mess in the bedroom, and ultimately found themselves in the kitchen, kissing. 

 

Atsushi's hair was still damp, and he was wearing a set of Akutagawa's pajamas; a button up grey silk shirt and pants. It matched his boyfriend, so he liked it. He was sitting on a stool in front of the kitchen island, and across from him Akutagawa had leaned over and started attacking his lips.

 

Not that he was complaining.

 

"Ryuu— Ryuu— ahh," He tried to fight against the kisses but to no avail. Akutagawa eventually pulled back, a grin on his face at the sight of Atsushi coming undone very easily.

 

"I didn't think you'd be the kissing type," Atsushi mumbled, feeling his lips tingle with the feeling of a missing warmth.

 

"I'd like to kiss you while I can," Akutagawa replied, straightening his posture from where he was leaning, and turning around towards the fridge. "Would you like some late night chazuke, Jinko?"

 

Atsushi's mouth watered at the thought, and he suddenly noticed how hungry he was. "Of course. Do you have the ingredients?"

 

The dark-haired man peeked inside the fridge, and lo and behold, there were. "It's your lucky day," he pulled out the rice and the other ingredients, and started to prepare a quick meal. Atsushi watched in awe as Akutagawa, his boyfriend, made chazuke at a record pace.

 

"Hey, Ryuu?"

 

Akutagawa gave a grunt, which really was his way of communicating.

 

"So if we're dating now, like officially," his face burned as he got the words out. "Will the Port Mafia allow that..? Because I'm from the Detective Agency, and I know we have that truce, but still, will they punish you for this or something?"

 

Akutagawa thought about it before answering, looking at the cooking rice.

 

"If you were a nobody in the Mafia, someone used to clean up bodies and fetch coffee for the boss, they would kill you on the very spot you admitted you were seeing someone from an enemy organization," Akutagawa brewed the tea, "But if you were someone with power and a reputation, like me, the boss would let it slide."

 

"So...it'll be okay?"

 

"Most likely, for two reasons. One is that I'm very high ranking and they can't afford to get rid of me," Atsushi rolled his eyes at Akutagawa's flexing. "And two is that since together we make the Shin Soukoku duo, Mori-san would probably see this as an opportunity to use us both, and extract more potential,"

 

"So because we're partners we're allowed to be together?"

 

"Because we're partners with good results. If we prove to be useful, then everything will turn out alright,"

 

Atsushi gave a breath of relief. "Seems kinda like a lot of pressure, but okay," Atsushi smiled, "as long as we can be together peacefully,"

 

"What about your little agency, Jinko? Do those bumbling fools care about who you associate with?"

 

Atsushi made a face that was a mix of embarrassment and guilt. 

 

"Well..."

 

Akutagawa finished making the chazuke, adding the last touches, and scooped it into two bowls, sliding one across the counter to Atsushi.

 

Atsushi mumbled his thanks, before breaking apart his chopsticks and eating, Akutagawa sitting across from him and doing the same (although he ate with much less vigor).

 

It was a gentle scene. Just Akutagawa and Atsushi sitting at a counter, the humming light above them the only illumination, the rest of the atmosphere melting from a golden touch into the charcoal black of a warm night. 

 

Atsushi cleared his throat. "So, I'm not the first person to get with someone from an organization that seems to hate the Agency's guts,"

 

The detective and mafioso answered the statement at the same time, with the same answer.

 

""Chuuya-san and Dazai-san,""

 

Atsushi laughed at their jinx. "Yep. Dazai-san's excuse, though, is always the fact that he's been dating Chuuya-san since before he was a detective."

 

"Is that the only exception?"

 

"No. Although it drives Kunikida-san up the wall, he doesn't get to make the rules. The president, Fukuzawa-san, does." Atsushi looked sorry for Kunikida, and honestly he was. "Fukuzawa-san said it's okay to date someone from an opposing organization under two conditions; you can't spill any Agency or government secrets to them, and as long as they make you happy, it's okay,"

 

"That's surprisingly lenient," Akutagawa commented, wondering if the weretiger would finish his chazuke for him. He really didn't like chazuke, it was just a cheap soggy mess to him. But Atsushi liked it, so now here he was.

 

"Fukuzawa-san doesn't like the Port Mafia, but he understands that the organization doesn't make the individual. Also Ranpo-san started seeing Poe-san, who's from the Guild, and Fukuzawa-san couldn't break them up because he cares about Ranpo-san too much, so he made that rule," Atsushi admitted. "It's going to be fun to announce I'm dating you, though," he said sarcastically.

 

"I'm not enthusiastic either to tell my coworkers I'm in a relationship with a fool," 

 

"Did you tell anyone you...liked me?" Atsushi was content with being called a fool at this point.

 

"Just two people, and it was forced out of me," the taller sighed. "Gin immediately noticed something was up and I had to eventually confess. And the other person is Chuuya-san, because I made the mistake of trying to ask him for love advice. He managed to get me to tell him why I needed the advice,"

 

"Oh? What advice did he give?" Atsushi prodded, finishing his chazuke with a satisfied exhale. The chazuke Akutagawa made was some of the best Atsushi had ever tasted. Akutagawa slowly slid his own serving over to his boyfriend, Atsushi gladly accepting more food.

 

"He said I needed to be more bold, and to just tell you how I feel already. I did not use this advice." Chuuya didn't realize how bad Akutagawa was at expressing true feelings because he himself was a very emotional person.

 

"Clearly," Atsushi giggled, the idea of a panicking and smitten Akutagawa entertaining him. He wondered if Akutagawa couldn't sleep because of thoughts of him keeping him up, just like Atsushi couldn't for the longest time.

 

"And you, Jinko? The detectives you work with seem exemplary nosy,"

 

"You're not wrong. But the only people who knew I liked you were Dazai-san, I don't know how he figured it out. But he even technically set up this 'mission' today. Oh, and Ranpo-san. Nothing ever escapes Ranpo-san's ability, so I'm not shocked at that. Also I think Kyouka-chan was becoming suspicious of me, but I always played it off that she was reading too much romance manga,"

 

Atsushi paused. This, this moment right here, right now, was confirmed. Akutagawa loved him. The impact of the night finally hit him. Butterflies broke out in his stomach, the thought of Akutagawa accepting him and loving him sending urges of giddiness into him.

 

Once again, he could only smile.

 

~~

 

He and Akutagawa got ready for bed after finishing their food, the sheets changed and the plump, memory foam pillows looking inviting to Atsushi's tired eyes. 

 

They climbed into the heavenly soft bed, the mattress sinking as soft as a cloud. Atsushi preferred this so much over his tatami mat at his apartment. 

 

Akutagawa settled down onto the right side, with Atsushi on the left. Rashomon flipped off the light switch, and he pulled the blankets over him and his weretiger.

 

"Goodnight, Atsushi,"

 

"G—" Atsushi's breath caught. He just called him Atsushi. He liked how it sounded on Akutagawa's tongue, maybe he'll ask him tomorrow to do it more often. "Goodnight, Ryuunosuke,"

 

Atsushi immediately snuggled closer to Akutagawa, nuzzling his face into his neck, inhaling the comforting scent of the older man. He felt Akutagawa's arms slip around his waist, holding him close.

 

As they both drifted off to the long-awaited sleep, both to dream of each other, they held each other close.

 

"I love you," Atsushi whispered, half-asleep.

 

"You're so sappy," Akutagawa groaned. "And I love you too," 

Notes:

I really really love comments yall (⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠෴⁠ ⁠༎ຶ⁠)

Uhh idk how to end this a/n. Also happy Halloween you guys it sneaked up on me I hate time

Oh sorry again for my crappy writing lmao 😭

 

Also when I wrote the line:
"Or maybe Atsushi had just been blind the entire time."
Autocorrect changed it to "maybe Atsushi had just been blond the entire time" and idk why but that was hilarious 😭😭 DON'T BE BLOND ATSUSHI

Oh did y'all like the constant emphasis on "his boyfriend" bc Atsushi was super happy to have aku as his bf lol

Am I the only one obsessed with Akutagawa calling Atsushi "doll", or

Also I'm low-key speed running this bc aaaaaaaa there's so many other oneshots I wanna write hehe I have a Skk prompt that I came up with while on the road and uhh yeah gonna work on that soon and I really hope you enjoyed this tysm for reading I love all you guys ⊂⁠(⁠´⁠・⁠◡⁠・⁠⊂⁠ ⁠)⁠∘⁠˚⁠˳⁠°

Notes:

You stuck around and managed to finish the first chapter
That's amazing

Also I'm beta reading this myself and I have like no patience so sorry for misspellings lol

The nightclub is called Death By A Thousand Cuts because in the song DBATC there's the lyric "trying to look for signs in a haunted club" or smth and I couldn't come up with a nightclub name so I was like "that lyric works"

How is Akutagawa singing line without a hook in English? No one knows •-•

Get ready for smut in the next chp (I'm going to hell)

I LOVE comments sm they always make my day, plus kudos, so if you've got the time, I'd love to see your thoughts on this; the smut, fluff, or maybe just one random paragraph I wrote lol. It's super appreciated

Also I see a lot of Swifties on Ao3 that write Bsd fics like yo I didn't expect that, but I love you guys, bringing Taylor Swift into Bsd is honestly such a blessing I love her songs
If you're a fan of Tay comment your favorite song or album or smth I'd love to see what they are hehe

I actually dropped some random TS lyrics in this lol, and the chp title is a song + the title of this whole fic is inspired by You're Losing Me
But ignore my rambling

Please ignore how ultimately shitty this ended up being also<3

Anyways see ya at the next chp hopefully ᘛ⁠⁐̤⁠ᕐ⁠ᐷ