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Chapter Text

Something was wrong and the officers knew it. They watched, every morning, as Kira entered the officer's mess, got his breakfast, and then downed a handful of various shaped pills with his coffee. However, none of them were brave enough to ask what they were. Despite knowing Kira and knowing he was usually a relaxed, easy-going guy, the other officers learned that putting the newly promoted Shinn between them and the captain was better for everyone's expected longevity. But Shinn was never in the mess at the same time as Kira for practical reasons. Having the CO and the XO off duty at the same time, even just for a meal break, could cause a host a problems easily subverted by them staggering breaks.

The mystery was beginning to eat away at the others, though. The superior officers, who all served with Kira through two and a half wars, were tight lipped and refused to answer any questions. The only way to learn was to ask the man himself.

One morning, one brave soul decided to do exactly that.

"Good morning, Cap," the officer said with a pleasant smile as he sat across from Kira with his own tray of food.

"Lieutenant," Kira muttered, not even raising his eyes from his coffee. He was notoriously not a morning person and was little more than a zombie this time in the morning.

"Can I ask you something?" the officer asked gently. "Something… kind of personal?"

"I'm an open book," Kira replied through a yawn. "Shoot."

The officer took a deep breath, noting Kira's sluggish movements and half closed eyes, and chanced asking, "Are those prescription meds?"

Kira followed his pointed finger to the pile of pills next to his plate. "Two of them are. The rest are vitamins."

"What for?" the officer couldn't help but blurt out. "What does a Coordinator need with prescriptions and vitamins?"

Yawning again, Kira simply said, "They're so I don't slit my wrists again."

"Oh—oh."

The officer's mouth clicked shut as awkward silence descended on the mess. It was the last answer any of them were expecting, certainly. Kira didn't seem upset in the slightest by his declaration but everyone else in the room—

"The hell do you mean again?!"

All eyes snapped to the door, where Shinn was half leaning through it with a half disgruntled, half concerned look on his face. Luna appeared took a few steps backwards and appeared next to him, but she simply looked confused.

"Again means again," Kira said, turning in his seat so he could face the door. "Do you not know the meaning of the word?"

Shinn bristled, then shouted, "I know what it means! And you know what I'm—"

He took a sharp breath and blew it out quickly through his nose, brows furrowed and shoulders set. But instead of jumping into the room, he wrote something on his phone, sent one final pointed look Kira's way, and left the mess. For some reason, that made Kira jump out of his seat with alarm and chase after his XO.

"Hey, hey, hey, what did you text my sister?!" Kira was heard screaming from down the hall.

Chapter Text

Going out on maneuvers had to be, in Shinn's humble opinion, the biggest crock of bullshit in the entire military. It always felt like a gigantic waste of time and energy. Even more so since his promotion and suddenly he was herding cats all day long and got nervous at the idea of leaving them unsupervised. He was still baffled that Kira decided he was mature enough to be put in charge of other people.

But protocol was protocol so he diligently changed in the locker room with Kira and Mu. It was as they were changing that Shinn noticed something out of the corner of his eye. When he turned to look, his mouth dropped open. Kira had a massive, ugly bruise covering his entire left knee. It was dark splotchy purple and sickly yellow that stood out starkly against his tanned skin.

"What the fuck did you do to your knee?!" Shinn asked in shock. He hadn't noticed Kira limping, but he didn't often spend a lot of time examining the stride of his superiors.

On the other side of the locker room, Mu was doing his best to hold in his snickering. Shinn gave him an odd look that Mu didn't see being bent over his locker with shaking shoulders.

"Hm?" Kira looked confused for a moment before his eyes drifted from his flight suit to his knee. He shrugged, seeming completely unbothered by the state of it, and said rather calmly, "I lost a fight with a door."

That was it for poor Mu. Laughter burst past his lips and he was on the floor, holding his stomach he was laughing so hard.

"You—ya know what, I don't want to know," Shinn said, thinking better of it at the last second.

"For the best," Kira agreed with a cheeky wink, and pulled his flight suit up.

Shinn tried to focus on dressing. Really, he did. But between Mu's uncontrollable laughter and Kira's nonchalance at the incident, a million questions were popping into Shinn's head.

He'd barely zipped up his suit when he blurted out, "A door??"

This prompted a new round of laughter from Mu that made Kira roll his eyes. But before Kira could say anything, Mu managed to shout from the floor, "You should see the door!"

"Now I really don't want to know," Shinn sighed, shaking his head.

"It really is for the best," Kira said once again. Fully dressed, he tucked his helmet under his arm and said, "I'll see you both out there. Mu, for the love of God, pull yourself together."

Mu could only give him a thumbs up from the floor as Kira left. Shinn sighed once more and finished getting dressed. Maybe he shouldn't have transferred to COMPASS. Then he could have been a normal, boring soldier and not personally handling the chaos that is Kira Yamato.

Chapter Text

Getting an 099 test from Kira was enough to send anyone into an absolute tizzy. It certainly sent Shinn careening down the hallways in his mad dash to Kira's cabin. Thankfully the other soldiers threw themselves against the wall; not one of them wanting to get between the XO and whatever he had sprint for. He practically knocked the door down when he got to Kira's cabin and stumbled inside.

"What is it?! What's wrong?!"

Shinn's eyes frantically darted around the room, looking for blood, guts, or any other side of mass bodily harm that he was expecting. Instead he saw Kira at his desk, shaking and looking at his hands like there was something terribly wrong with them. Shinn was in front of him in a second, looking him thoroughly up and down. Still, he found no blood, no harm, just fear in Kira's eyes.

"I'm dying," Kira whispered.

"Dying?!" Shinn's heart rate jumped again. What had he missed? "What dying? Why dying?!"

Kira sniffled and wiped his nose, his hand coming away wet. When he spoke again, his voice sounded a bit strangled and nasally. "Look. My brains are leaking out of my nose."

Now it was the blood pressure's turn to spike. Shinn had to take a step back or he was going to swinging.

"My brother in Christ. You grew up with Naturals and you don't know what a runny nose is?"

Kira blinked, confusion taking over his fear. "A runny nose?"

Shinn handed him a tissue now that he could hear the obvious congestion in Kira's voice. "Yup. The common cold has finally mutated to affect Coordinators. It's been going around the ship."

"It's a cold?" Kira echoed. Shinn could see the gears turning in his head until— "I am dying!"

"Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and all the Saints preserve me. . ." Shinn muttered as he cast his eyes to the ceiling. He didn't really hold to religion, but he'd seen his father do that enough times when he and his sister were testing his patience. He found himself having to do it so often with Kira that it had now become a default setting in Shinn. He refocused on Kira and started to shoo him out of his chair. "Medical. Now. Go."

Instead of getting up, Kira turned on his puppy dog eyes. "Do I have to?"

Crossing his arms, Shinn stated, "Either you start walking or I start dragging."

Too sick to be stubborn but still aware enough to know how bad it would look to get dragged through the halls, Kira got up and started the walk to shame to medical.

Chapter Text

It wasn't like Athrun to vanish without a word. Worry gnawed at Cagalli's gut all day long. He hadn't been at breakfast, but that was to be expected. He'd been pulling some crazy hours lately. He never arrived at the state building nor did he log in from his home office. Despite Cagalli texting him every hour, he didn't respond. There was no sign of him during lunch. By the time Cagalli was in the car on the way home, she was practically bouncing in her seat she was so anxious. Something had to be wrong.

She almost blew a gasket when she found him laying on the bed in one of the spare rooms, all lights off, looking completely and utterly relaxed.

"THIS is where you've been all day?!" Cagalli cried, flipping on the lights with no warning. Athrun's groan of discomfort sent a sick thrill through her. "I've been worried sick! What are you doing in here?!"

Athrun threw an arm over his eyes and said, "Waiting for death."

"Death just walked through the door if you don't explain yourself!"

Sighing, Athrun forced himself into a sitting position. Now that she got to look at him, she realized he looked absolutely terrible. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot, his skin had lost all color, limp and tangled hair was stuck to his face, and his chapped lips had more cracks than a dried up lake bed.

"My brains are coming out of my nose," he said, his voice hoarse. "I'm hot and I'm cold. I can barely breathe. I'm dying. I didn't want to worry you."

"Your brains—You're insane!" Cagalli plopped down on the bed next to him and pressed the back of her hand for his forehead. Her brows furrowed when she felt how clammy his skin was. "You have a fever, Athrun. You need rest, fluids, and some medication. I think I have cold syrup in my bathroom. I'll go check."

"A fever?! Cagalli, wait!" He grabbed her arm, dragging her back down when she tried to stand up. Frantic, terrified eyes met hers. "I'm dying. I know I'm dying. There's no hope for me anymore. I—"

"Have a cold, Athrun Zala," Cagalli finished with a roll of her eyes. "I was hearing about this earlier today. The common cold finally affects Coordinators. Even Kira's sick. So, rest, fluids, medication, and no more complaining about your man cold. I'm going to get you water and aspirin."

She easily pried his hand off her arm and left the room. While she was grateful that this isn't the calamity she'd been envisioning all day, she was not looking forward to dealing with Athrun and his sickly theatrics. She silently prayed for strength and then tacked on an extra prayer of strength for Shinn. If Athrun was acting like this, she could only imagine how much of a baby her brother was being.

Chapter Text

Despite trying to stagger breaks, every once in a while someone inevitably slept in, a meeting would run late, or schedules would just work out in A Way, which is how Kira, Shinn, and Mu all ended up in the officer's mess at the exact same time. It was early by all of their standards. Everyone seemed to not have brains in their heads that particular morning. Kira was slowly gnawing on his zombie bagel, Mu was idly swirling a stirrer in his coffee, and Shinn.

Shinn. He was so out of it that he wasn't thinking when he picked up his orange juice box and poked open the straw circle. It was only after it was open that he realized he'd forgotten to get a straw. His half alseep brain told him that the only viable solution to this perplexing problem was to open the top of the box along the 'open here' lines. He attempted to pull the flaps back to push open the engineered spout, but instead the box tore open along it's score line almost down to the juice. All he could do was stare at his box in confusion. That wasn't supposed to happen. There was also no going back now, so he tore open the other flaps.

"What the fuck?" was all Kira could think to say from where he watched across the table.

"There's no way I'm going to be able to drink this now," Shinn lamented as he looked at the utterly destroyed box.

Mu finally focused up and shook his head when he saw the state of the juice. "Get a straw, kid."

"I don't think there are any," Kira said through a few chuckles. He didn't have any juice, just his coffee which he used to wash down his vitamins.

Shinn lifted the box and examined it, turning it around a few times to see if he could find an intact enough point to drink from. After a few rotations and forcing his eyes back from a soft focus, he found one he thought would work. So he lifted the box to his lips.

"Please, God, no, Shinn, get a straw," Mu begged, even though he knew it was futile.

Shinn did not get a straw. Instead he decided the best thing to do was to make intense eye contact with Mu as he tipped the box and slurped noisily. It was done so intently that Kira couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled out of his chest, forcing him to put down his coffee.

"My god, you're a disaster today." The boys all jumped when they heard Luna's voice from next to Shinn. They had no idea when she sat down, but there she was, passing Shinn a straw.

He took it without a word, opened it, and stuck it in the top of the box instead of the straw hole he punched out earlier.

"Good God, Shinn, why??" Mu asked so desperately that Kira was thrown into another fit of giggles.

"Please, I have one pill left," Kira pointed out, holding up the one little pill for emphasis. "Stop making me laugh, I need to take this."

"Just put the straw in the hole," Mu asked, looking very much like he was on the verge of a nervous break down.

Shinn did put the straw in the proper hole, just his way. He didn't remove it from the box, simply bent it over until the top could be stuck through the hole. Then he resumed eye contact and took another loud slurp.

Poor Kira fell off the bench laughing.

Chapter Text

There was no such thing as a "calm day" onboard The Millenium Shinn was swiftly coming to learn. There were just less crazy days than others. His red uniform has shielded him from most of the disasters but now that he was in black he seemed to be in the thick of all of it. It was no wonder Kira was stressed and not sleeping; there was no shortage of fires to put out, both figuratively and literally.

"Four more days," Shinn groaned as he dropped into an arm chair in the wardroom. A round of groans agreeing with him rippled around the room. "Just four more days."

"I can't wait to go home," an officer grumbled from where she was sprawled out on another couch.

"That first night back in your own bed hits so good," another said wistfully.

"Please tell me the next troop out isn't for a while," a third begged of Shinn.

"I don't remember. My future sight currently ends at Friday," Shinn answered with a heavy sigh. Several people just nodded at his statement. Most of them couldn't think past when they would pull back into port.

"Oh fucking shit!"

Shinn barely cracked his eyes open at the exclamation. Neumann was sitting at one of the dining tables with a sizable spill of sauce in front of him. He was handed paper towels and Shinn decided that it wasn't his problem. He propped his head up on a fist, letting his eyes slip shut. Just a few minutes. He just had to rest his eyes for a few—

"I should just leave it like this for Kira to find." Neumann's voice was only mildly sarcastic.

"Please don't!" Shinn called, forcing his eyes back open.

The state of the wardroom was the lowest stakes problem that Kira had, but it was a consistent enough one that even Shinn was getting annoyed. The officer's always left it a mess and the stewards assigned to the room did a half assed job cleaning it. Shinn didn't blame them for doing the barest of minimum that was required of them when the officers didn't show enough respect for the room in the first place. Kira constantly going berserk over the mess probably didn't help matters much either. The day he tore through the officer's fridge throwing out every scrap, all of it expired and rotting, was frightening enough to keep everyone out for the rest of the day. But that's what happens when too many people are forced together for too long. After all, familiarity breeds contempt.

Fed up as he was, Shinn still had a job to do. "Please don't raise Kira's blood pressure; he has enough problems."

To that, Neumann snorted, but thankfully he didn't stop cleaning his mess. "Shinn, listen, let me tell you something about Kira. All of his problems? He makes them himself."

Shinn was about to argue that no, having officers throwing tantrums like five year olds and stomping off because they made jokes in bad taste and got called out was not a problem of Kira's own making (just the latest incident), but Mu beat him to it.

"Kira doesn't make his own problems," Mu started, a smirk pulling at his lips. "They keep getting promoted."

Several sets of eyes turned to Shinn, as he was the newest promotion, and he threw his hands up in surrender. "Hey, this is one problem that no one is going to regret promoting, okay?"

"Oh really?" Neumann sneered, doing his best to act the crotchety old soldier even as a smile tugged at his lips. "And what makes you so special?"

It was too easy. Without missing a beat, Shinn made sure to make his eyes as wide and round as possible, kicking his voice up a couple octaves into what he hoped was a kawaii range as he said, "I'm pretty!"

Perhaps it was the way he said it. Perhaps it was Neumann going through all five stages of grief in a few seconds. Or perhaps it was just the fact that everyone in that room was exhausted from being squished together on a ship for a month. Whatever the reason, the second those words left Shinn's mouth the entire wardroom erupted into raucous, uncontrollable laughter.

At the same moment that one poor soul fell out of their seat, Kira walked in, exhausted with an empty coffee cup in hand. He scanned his eyes around the room, then looked down at his cup, took anther look at the room, and walked out.

Chapter Text

Shinn absolutely hated this brutal schedule. Three weeks at home was not enough time to decompress and prepare for another six week troop out. Although this time it was going to be eight weeks because of the holidays. At least they'd get a couple days of shore leave around Christmas but it wasn't going to be in the PLANTs and they wouldn't get to see any family or loved ones and—

"Good morning, Sir!"

Eye twitching, Shinn forced on a pleasant smile and turned to the solider who just greeted him. The boy, Brodie, if Shinn remembered his name correctly, grabbed a tray and slid up next to Shinn on the canteen line. Shinn spied his shiny new lieutenant jacket and knew he was in for a long conversation.

"Have a good time off?" Brodie asked pleasantly.

"Good enough," Shinn grumbled. It wasn't enough time, but he wasn't going to start complaining to the underlings. "Yourself?"

"It wasn't bad. Got to see my girl," Brodie answered wistfully.

Shinn just hummed and reached up to take the offered plate. He knew he wasn't going to be so lucky that the conversation ended, but he could—

"Hey, that's nice!"

Hope. Shinn followed Brodie's pointed finger with his eyes until they landed on the ring he now wore on his left middle finger. It was a simple thing, a grey silicone band with some fancy knot work in black relief. The sight of it brought a warm smile to his face. "Thanks. My boyfriend got it for me. It was supposed to be a Christmas present but since we won't be home for Christmas…"

"That's sweet though," Brodie said with a soft smile. Shinn nodded, taking his tray and walking off. To himself, Brodie muttered, "I didn't even know he was seeing anyone."

~*~

Twenty minutes later found Shinn in Kira's office, breakfast and paperwork spread out between them as they prepared for the upcoming trip. There was too much to do and not enough time to do it in. It seemed the way of it recently. Poor Kira seemed to have the world on his shoulders.

"I don't know how much longer I can do this," Kira grumbled, stuffing a chunk of bagel into his mouth. "This is cruel and unusual punishment."

"That's what happens when you miss your anniversary," Shinn reminded him. He felt the glare that burned into his forehead and knew he deserved it. "Just sayin'. Happy wife, happy life and all that."

"Because you'd know so much about happy wives," Kira chuckled. "Speaking of, how's your man? Lieutenant Villars, right?"

"Marcus, yeah. He's good. We're good. Everything's good." When Shinn looked up, he saw Kira's disbelieving look and sighed. "He's begging me to transfer so I can stay on Aprilius with him. Long distance is taking it's toll."

Kira sighed heavily in agreement. "It's certainly not for the faint of heart."

"How do you and Lacus handle it?"

"I missed calling her on our anniversary by a couple of hours due to a time difference and we've all been punished for almost a year with extended troop outs."

"So not well."

"Clearly."

"There's the lucky bridegroom!"

Both Kira and Shinn jumped out of their skin when they heard Mu's over excited voice in the office. Neither had heard the door open, nor seen him come in until his exclamation. He looped an arm around Shinn's shoulders and gave him a hearty shake.

Mu continued, oblivious to the confused looks his superior officer's shared. "When were you going to tell us that you and Luna got married?"

"What?!" Shinn barked, completely horrified. Kira could hardly contain his laughter.

"I heard it in the halls! Congratulations!" Mu cheered with a bright smile. "Man, and here I thought you two broke up ages ago! Way to keep us on our toes, Commander."

Shinn sputtered for a minute, not able to properly form words while Mu kept smiling at him like that and Kira bent over double laughing. "Bu— I— We— An— Tha— KIRA YOU ARE NOT HELPING ME!"

Kira was practically falling out of his seat, desperately clutching his middle he was laughing so hard. Through his laughter, he managed to wheeze out, "M-M-Marcus is—HA—in for quite the—pfffftttt the shock!"

"I hate you so much," Shinn muttered.

"No you don't!" Kira cried. He took a few deep breaths to get himself under control. "Don't sit there and act like you wouldn't have tried to shoot your shot with me if I wasn't married."

"I would not!" Shinn snapped even as his face turned as red as his eyes.

"Oh you lie like a rug," Kira teased.

"Back up," Mu interjected, his eyes having been ping ponging between the two. "You and Luna didn't get married?"

"NO!" Shinn shouted indignantly. "I have a boyfriend! His name is Marcus. He lives on Aprilius and he— Oh my god he was trying to propose."

"He what?!" Shinn showed Kira the ring he now wore and Kira slammed his hands on the table. "You've only been dating a few months and most of that time you've been in space. Red flag! Red flag! Agree with me, Mu, please, that's a huge red flag."

"I don't know what we're talking about," Mu confessed with growing confusion. "But it sounds like a red flag."

"Of course it is!" Shinn groaned, dropping his head down on the desk. "I just want a normal relationship!"

"Oh, Shinn, you're one of us," Mu teased, patting the top of Shinn's head. "Normal isn't possible for us."

Shinn's moan of annoyance filled the room, even as the men laughed at his expense.

Chapter Text

The first thing Shinn noticed when walking into the meeting room was that the coffee pot from the break room was sitting on the table half smashed. He then looked up to see who else had been summoned for this. Cagalli and Athrun, having come up for some political something or other that Shinn didn't care about, were looking distinctly nervous. Luna was picking dirt out from under her nails, unbothered. Murrue and Mu kept giving each other and the room confused glances. The only one absent was—

"Who broke it?"

Kira's sudden voice made everyone jump. One second he wasn't there, the next he'd materialized at the head of the table, arms crossed and a neutral expression on his face. The unreadable look in his eyes was quite a bit more terrifying and instantly set everyone on edge.

"I'm not mad. I just want to know," he continued evenly.

A tense silence filled the room as everyone suddenly started looking each other for signs of guilt. Ever the peacemaker, Cagalli blurted out, "I did. I broke—"

"No. You didn't," Kira interrupted her, not even looking at her. He did stare down his XO and asked, "Shinn?"

"Don't look at me!" Shinn cried, throwing his hands up in surrender as his blood ran cold for a moment. He hadn't seen that dispassionate look in Kira's eyes in a very long time and last time he saw it, he didn't sleep for a week. Needing to throw the heat off himself, he quickly said, "Look at Athrun!"

"I didn't break it," Athrun snorted, rolling his eyes at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"Oh yeah? Then how did you know it was broken?" Shinn asked in his panic.

Athrun just gestured to the coffee pot. "Because it's sitting in front of us and it's broken."

"Suspicious."

"No it's not!"

"Uh, Kira," Mu interjected, trying to force down a nervous grin. "Not that it matters but, uh… Luna was the last one to use it."

"Liar! I don't even drink that crap!" Luna snarled, hands balling into fists.

"Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?" Mu asked as though he'd stumbled upon some great revelation.

"I use the wooden coffee stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that!" Luna bit back, shoving her perfectly manicured fingers in Mu's face. Murrue grabbed Luna's hand and forced it back down.

"I broke it. Let me pay for it," Cagalli said quickly, still trying to diffuse the tension in the room by martyring herself to her brother's barely contained fury.

"No! Who broke it?!" Kira snapped, finally raising his voice and making everyone freeze.

A cold air swept through the room as Kira locked eyes with each and every person (except Cagalli). Unfortunately for them, Athrun knew this tactic well. He suspected none of them were guilty and that Kira was just looking to cause a fuss. It was something they did often together in boarding school when they were getting bored. So, now eager to stir the pot, Athrun leaned in.

"Hey, Kira," Athrun whisper-shouted, "Miss Murrue has been awfully quiet."

"Really?!" Murrue shouted.

And the damn broke. The argument that erupted between the group was so explosive that no one noticed Kira and Athrun slipping out into the hallway. Once the door was closed behind them, only barely muffling the yelling inside, the men burst into laughter.

"What, did you punch it?" Athrun asked, lifting up Kira's bandaged hand that was only barely concealed by his uniform sleeve.

Kira just shrugged innocently. "It burned my hand."

"And that?" Athrun asked knowingly, gesturing to the meeting room window where they could see Shinn and Mu in each other's faces shouting.

Again Kira shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. "I haven't had any decent drama in weeks. It was getting a little chummy around here."

Athrun hummed and mimicked Kira's posture, looking contemplatively through the window. "Fifty bucks says in ten minutes they'll have war paint on their faces and a pig's head on a stick."

"Naaaahh, I don't take bets I know I'll lose."

Chapter Text

It wasn't every day Shinn walked into a room where Cagalli Yulla Athha was in tears. In fact, for as long as he'd known her, he didn't even know she was capable of crying. Not because he thought she was some cold bastard (he did at one point, not any more) but because it became a 'seeing is believing' deal. He'd never seen her do it and thus he never believed she could.

Now she was ugly crying on the couch and Shinn had no idea what to do.

"Uhhhh. Cagalli?" Shinn asked carefully, taking a tentative step towards her.

She jolted up, eyes wide when they landed on Shinn. She frantically started wiping her face of tears and snot, but only succeeded in spreading it all over. Without thinking, Shinn offered his handkerchief to her, which she gratefully accepted. She cleaned her face off with it and made a motion to hand it back but thought better of it.

"I'll wash this," she muttered as she folded it to a clean square and wiped her eyes again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… I mean I thought everyone left already."

"Not just yet. We were all set to when Athrun said he forgot something and dragged Kira back inside and I forgot my water bottle and I couldn't find it…"

Shinn trailed off as his eyes landed on his water bottle on the coffee table, right where he'd left it the night before. It had been a bit hectic when Cagalli and Athrun came up right before they were scheduled to troop out, throwing the entire schedule off and sending Shinn into a tailspin of paperwork and complaints. His nights had gotten so late he was crashing at Kira and Lacus' house most nights. Everyday he was regretting this promotion more and more…

"Is everything okay?" Shinn dared to ask as he refocused on Cagalli.

Cagalli shrugged. "How much time do you have?"

"Knowing those two and their schemes? Plenty," Shinn snorted. He snatched his water bottle and plopped down on the couch next to her. "What's going on?"

"I… I'm freaking out. And it's silly and stupid, I know it is, I just—" Cagalli took a sharp breath and pressed the handkerchief to her nose, biting back a sob. "I don't think Athrun is ever going to propose to me!"

"Oh, honey!" Shinn cried, a laugh on his voice as he threw an arm over the back of the couch. No, he didn't know how to handle a crying girl, but he could switch on Gay Best Friend in a heartbeat to shit talk about boys. "He's so not worth it."

"But he is!" Cagalli fired back, her eyes now blazing through her tears. "He's incredible! He's—he's—I love him! I don't know what I'm going to do without him!"

"He's just a guy," Shinn countered with a huff.

"No! He's caring and smart and funny—"

"Puh-lease."

"—He'd never do anything to hurt me—"

"He's a guy!"

"BESIDES!" Cagalli shrieked, trying to shut him up but it only succeeded in making him smirk. "I want to marry him. I've given him so many years, good years, and he's the only one I can see my future with."

"Ah, the old sunk cost fallacy. That's a shame," Shinn sighed. He felt Cagalli bristle at his tone and shrugged. "Listen, queen, if he's just been stringing you along for all those 'good years' then he's not good for you. A man would have gotten his shit together by now, don't you think?"

"There's been a lot going on," she muttered, as though it made a difference.

"That didn't stop Kira and Lacus," he pointed out, giving her a look that said she knew he was right.

"And look at the current state of that marriage! It's a mess!"

"Oh, Christ Almighty, you're preaching to the fucking choir on that score. They need at least a full two day sexual marathon to release all that pent up agitation but I can barely get them in the same room for ten minutes together."

"Is she still mad about the anniversary?"

"Mh-hm. Girl knows how to hold a grudge. But I think she's starting to build up all the problems that she caused by continually sending us out and not, ya know, spending time with her husband."

"Shit. I'm so glad Athrun and I don't accumulate grievances like that."

"No, you're just breaking down because he hasn't given you another ring."

It was the wrong thing to say and Shinn knew it as he was speaking. His words reopened the floodgates and Cagalli broke down into sobs once again. That was the unfortunate time that Kira decided to walk into the room. He only took a second to take in the scene before he was at his sister's side pulling her into a tight and comforting hug.

"Who do I have to beat up?" Kira asked as he stroked Cagalli's hair gently.

"He's never going to marry me!" Cagalli cried into Kira's shoulder.

Kira froze, eyes going wide when he heard that. Shinn marked how he chomped down on his bottom lip and he was doing his best to keep his hands from shaking.

"It'll be okay. Remember, he's just a guy," Shinn jumped in, scooting closer so he could rub comforting circles into her back. "Hit him with your car."

"Shut up," Kira hissed through his teeth. He regained control and went back to doing his best to comfort his sister.

~*~

"You were fighting for your life in there," Shinn noted when they were finally in the car, making Kira and Athrun share a nervous look. "What was that about?"

"What were you fighting for your life over?" Athrun asked, cocking his head in confusion.

"Cagalli was freaking out that you're never going to marry her," Shinn answered for him. Athrun made a strangled sound that had Shinn leaning towards the front seat. "Are you planning on marrying her?"

Instead of answering with words, Athrun pulled a small box out of his pocket and opened it, revealing a stunning diamond ring. Shinn's jaw hit the floor.

"We were discussing how to clandestinely get photos taken when he takes her to the botanical garden tomorrow!" Kira cried, throwing his hands in the air for a brief second before grabbing the steering wheel once again. "I left one room where I was talking to him about proposing in twenty-four hours and walked into another where my sister was crying that she's never getting married! Of course I was fighting for my fucking life! I'm not a liar! If she saw my face, I was going to spill the goddamned beans all over the carpet!"

"Okay, okay, focus on driving, you're swerving all over the road," Shinn chided him, patting him on the shoulder.

"And YOU!" Kira shrieked, turning just long enough to shoot Shinn a glare that turned his blood to ice. "Telling her he's 'just a guy'. The fuck were you thinking?!"

"I was thinking that he's just a guy!" Shinn fired back. He turned to Athrun, giving him a small, barely apologetic smile. "No offense."

"None taken. I am just a guy," Athrun agreed with a small chuckle. "I'm a stupid and nervous guy who can't get out of his own way most days. I should have done this ages ago but… Well, I've been scared she would say no."

"And I told you, you're nuts for ever thinking that," Kira huffed, as though he'd already said this a million times.

Grinning like the devil, Shinn decided to chime in, "She might say no now just for the heartache all this waiting has caused."

Watching Athrun's soul leave his body was the most entertaining thing Shinn saw all week.

Chapter Text

Mu really did like being Top Dog. With Kira and Shinn buried up to their eyeballs in paperwork, Mu was the one who got to go out on maneuvers and show off in his mobile suit. It never failed to have the women swooning over him upon his return. Not that he was looking for anything other than a soft ego stroke, mind you. He and Murrue were extraordinarily happy and he had plans to propose when they took their shore leave for Christmas.

He had the whole thing planned. The ring had been custom ordered and he only just got it in time for this troop out. There was a year round maintained green house with a butterfly garden that was supposed to be out of this world just a short trip from their intended dock. He'd called ahead to conspire with the venue to have champagne ready. It was going to be absolutely perfect.

"Make sure to give her a thorough once over. She felt a little clunky out there," Mu announced to the deck crew as he exited the Akatsuki.

"Yes, Daddy," one of the female mechanics answered. She seemed to realize what she said and turned beat red almost immediately. "Sir! I mean sir! Yes, Sir, absolutely, Sir!"

"Hm?" Mu cocked his head in confusion, having been taking off his helmet and hadn't heard her flub at all. Everyone seemed uncomfortable and he just shrugged. "Get to it then."

How odd. Mu shrugged it off, chalking everyone's behavior to to nothing more than stress from being deployed for so long. Even he was starting to grow weary from this grueling schedule. Changing quickly, he wanted to go get a cup of coffee.

~*~

At least the food on the ship was pretty good. Or rather, it was the best food Mu had ever eaten on a spaceship, which was a low bar to begin with, but the chef on the Millenium certainly was the best. And she was cute as an added bonus. It was nice to look back into the kitchen every once in a while and get a sweet smile.

"Good afternoon, Emmi!" Mu called into the kitchen as he picked up a tray. "Good day so far?"

Emmi smiled at him, giving a small wave in return. "As well as any day. Yourself?"

"About the same," Mu answered with a charming grin of his own.

"Oh! I made something for you!" Emmi ran up to the window, passing a box over to him. "It's your birthday, right? I made you a little cake. Don't tell anyone though, I only do this for my favorites!"

"Thank you so much, Chef!" Mu cheered, beaming like a sun as he opened the box and saw a perfectly decorated little cake.

"I made it just big enough so you can share with the Captain. Enjoy, Daddy," Emmi winked, but was promptly elbowed in the ribs by one of the staff. "Cap—Command—Sir! Please enjoy it, Sir!"

"We will, thanks!" Mu smiled at her, eyes still glued on the cake.

Lunch forgotten, Mu started to make his way to the bridge. He hadn't planned to celebrate his birthday (mostly so he didn't have to think about how old he was getting) but this might be fun! A quiet night with his girlfriend sharing a delicious cake sounded like a great way to spend a birthday.

"Daddy," a group of girls greeted him as he walked past. The immediately burst into floundering, but Mu barely heard them.

"Ladies," he greeted back half heartedly as he got on the elevator.

The door was about to close when someone slipped in with him. He didn't take much notice, not when his brain was filling up with fantasies of what could happen after cake.

"Good afternoon, Daddy," the female officer greeted with a warm smile.

Mu didn't acknowledge her beyond a nod.

The doors opened and they both stepped out onto the bridge. A few crew members said hello, but Mu passed them all and beeline for the Captain's chair.

And there she was, his sun, moon, and stars sitting in regal command of her vessel. He'd never get tired of seeing her like that. It was something he could admire for hours, and would as long as she was distracted and didn't yet notice his presence. That was a common sight on the bridge; Mu simply watching his beloved and Murrue being completely oblivious. Someone once captured a picture of it just so she could see the look in his eyes. It had her falling in love with him all over again

"Mu!" she cried, startled when she finally turned to see him. "Stop doing that! You're going to give me a heart attack one of these days!"

"I can't help it, I'm sorry," he cooed, giving her a boyish grin and a peck on the cheek.

"W-well, what do you want? I am busy," Murrue chuckled, blushing a little at his blatant PDA.

"I wanted to invite you for a date later," Mu purred, lifting up the cake box to show her. He was still leaning over her and decided to nuzzle into her neck while he said softly, "Sweets, maybe a drink or two, a quiet night in."

Unable to help the girlish giggle that bubbled from her throat, she said wistfully, "That sounds lovely. Count me in."

"Great! Pick you up at 8?" Mu asked, grinning into her neck like an absolutely idiot. And idiot head over heels in love, but an idiot nonetheless.

Murrue opened her mouth to answer, but was cut off by the angry voice of Luna shouting across the bridge, "There you are, Daddy! Shinn and I have been looking everywhere for you!!"

The bridge got very quiet. Except for, of course, Shinn wheezing and gasping he was laughing so hard. Murrue turned slowly, a promise of death in her eyes as she looked at Luna. Luna, for her part, was absolutely flabbergasted, opening and closing her mouth uselessly a few times.

"What did you call me?" Mu asked, equally confused by this turn of events as everyone else on the bridge.

"I—I don't know why I said that!" Luna said quickly, taking a step back from the ball of rage that was Murrue Ramias. "Honest! No clue! It just slipped out!"

Murrue was not about to take that as an answer. She pushed Mu aside as she stood so he wouldn't get in the way as she growled, "How dare you thin—"

"I can't believe it worked!" Shinn cried from his place on the floor, wiping tears out of his eyes.

"What?!" Murrrue snapped, turning her full fury on the XO.

"What did you do, Shinn?!" Luna demanded, also turning on him in a rage.

"Oh that's fucking hysterical!" Shinn gasped, struggling back to his feet. "We were goofing off in the mess hall last night and Micha hypnotized a bunch of the ladies, you included, because you kept telling him he couldn't!"

"We were hypnotized?!" Luna cried.

"Yeah! He even asked me for a dumb suggestion to make you guys do! I didn't think it would wo-o-ork!" Shinn dissolved into another fit of laughter, oblivious to the two angry women in front of him.

"What was the suggestion?" Murrue hissed in a tone that made all the other men shake in fear.

"To call Mu 'Daddy' instead of 'Commander'!" Shinn answered through his laughter. When he caught the disbelieving looks of a few of his colleagues, he pointed at Mu and asked, "Am I wrong? Look at him! He's daddy!"

"Kid! Shut the fuck up!" Mu cried, turning a little red from the unwanted attention. He would never say out loud that Shinn wasn't wrong, but he could think it.

It was Mu's words that finally got Shinn to pay attention to what was happening. Locking eyes with the Captain, he was suddenly grateful for the black uniform. Not exactly brown pants, but it would do.

"Run now?" Shinn asked as he took a few unsteady steps towards the door.

"Yes. Now. Go," Mu confirmed.

~*~

"Going to Condition Orange. All hands, level two battle stations."

The blaring of the klaxon jolted Kira out of the deepest sleep he'd had that year. He had no idea what century it was as he fell out of bed tangled up in the sheets. Flashing lights had him tearing for the door, not even caring to put on trousers before he threw it open.

"What's going on?! Are we in battle?!" Kira cried, already hyperventilating at the thought of battle.

Instead of answer, he felt the cold wind of death blow down the hallway. He paused halfway out the door, almost too frightened to look. But look he did, only to see Murrue storming down the hallway with purpose and speed that he'd only witnessed once. He knew whatever prey she was hunting was the reason for the condition orange and sighed heavily.

"Not my circus, not my monkeys," Kira muttered, his shoulders sagging as his adrenaline ebbed. "I'm going back to bed."

He closed the door, intent on returning to dreamland, when he heard Shinn's terrified screaming echoing across the ship. Grabbing trousers, he bolted back out the door.

"My circus, my monkeys! My circus, my monkeys—!"

Chapter Text

Really, by this point Kira should have known better. If a bunch of people were huddled around a screen laughing, he should have walked away. He shouldn't have asked. He should have just gotten his coffee and left the wardroom. Especially when he saw Shinn sitting in the middle of everyone. But he thought he heard Athrun's voice and his curiosity got the better of him.

"What are we watching?" Kira asked, draining the last dregs of his coffee to hide the sadistic glee he felt when everyone jumped out of their skin.

Shinn was the first to face him, a small smirk on his face as he hit the pause button. "Well you were being so cagey about your time in the first war so I might have asked Mir to send as much archive footage as she could get her hands on."

"Oh. Well. Have fun." Kira did not like the idea of his current subordinates watching that old footage. He wasn't proud of his actions for most of that war and didn't want to relive them. However, he reasoned with himself while he refilled his coffee cup, he could use it as a teaching moment.

"With cockpit audio," Shinn added gleefully.

Kira choking on his fresh (but regrettably lukewarm) coffee echoed through the wardroom.

"You were so cunty!" Shinn continued, his madman grin spreading even as his colleagues all slowly shifted away from him. "And not the sexy cunty, either, just the annoying cunty."

Clearing the coffee from his windpipe, Kira choked out, "Pot, I believe you are already intimately acquainted with Kettle."

"Hey I never said I wasn't," Shinn huffed, throwing his hands in the air. "I just wasn't expecting that out of you."

"You need a new boyfriend. Go be a pain in someone else's ass."

A few scattered snickers didn't make Shinn whither, even as Kira gave him a sweet but warning smile.

"Wow. Everything in that sentence was wrong," Shinn chuckled, matching the fire in Kira's eyes. "But what makes you think I need a boyfriend in order to get some ass? I get plenty as it is, thank you."

"Does that mean you're the reason syphilis is going around the ship?" Kira asked casually, stuffing a hand in his pocket.

Oblivious to the horrified looks of the other officers, Shinn scoffed.

"Oh please! I'm not that much of a—" Kira's words finally registered and Shinn turned even paler than usually. Very quietly, he asked, "Wait, what?"

Kira simply winked at him and started to head out the door. "Might want to get yourself tested."

"Are you for real?" Shinn asked, even as Kira left the room. He jumped up and darted for the still open door. "Kira?! Are you serious?! There's syphilis on the ship?!?!"

But Kira was no where to be seen. Only the horrified looks of the other soldiers lining the hallway.

Chapter Text

It had been decided weeks ago that it would be a nice thing for the superior officers on board to cook Christmas breakfast for the rest of the crew as a thank you for all their hard work. Everyone thought it was a good idea. Tasks were divided and at 0600 Christmas morning, the main mess was abuzz with activity. Fruit was being chopped, copious amounts of coffee was brewing, biscuits were baking, bacon was sizzling, and the crew members were exchanging presents with zeal. Everything was going smoothly until—

"Mother fucker," Kira spat, desperately scraping half cooked pancakes off the griddle.

"What's wrong?" Mu asked, leaving his post by the bacon to see what was happening on Kira'a griddle.

"I forgot to spray the surface and the pancakes got stuck. They won't flip," Kira grumbled. He turned off the heat and grabbed a scouring pad, intent on cleaning off the surface as fast as possible.

"Deep breaths, Kira, deep breaths," Shinn called to him from his fruit slicing station.

Kira grumbled something under his breath that no one caught but they were all sure it wasn't nice. Mu was now carefully supervising as Kira sprayed down the freshly cleaned surface with frylite. He was about to grab the batter when Mu stopped him.

"Wait, wait, wait, that's not nearly not enough yet!" Mu cried, dashing to the sink to wet his hands before returning. He sprinkled the water over the surface, only for it to do nothing. "See? The water needs to bubble. It hasn't bubbled, it's not hot enough."

"Go back to the bacon, I know how to cook pancakes," Kira barked, but didn't start pouring batter.

"God does he know how to cook pancakes!" Shinn cried, licking his lips in delight. "Fluffy and melt in your mouth with hints of vanilla and cinnamon! I dream about those pancakes sometimes. They are orgasmically good."

Everyone turned to Kira with questioning eyes, to which he responded with a boyish grin. "I make pancakes every Saturday morning at larp for my fellow guardsmen. It's a tradition." He then shot Shinn a knowing look and said, "He isn't even on the guard! He just steals pancakes and sausages."

"I'm a rogue! Stealing is kinda my shtick," Shinn fired back with a grin.

"You do what at what?" Murrue asked as she stepped back from the coffee.

"Larp. Live action role play. It's a game we go to with Cagalli and Athrun six times a year," Kira explained. "Cagalli and I are on the town guard. She's the captain, I'm her lieutenant."

"I've never understood why Rex ended up on the guard. He's a bard," Shinn mused.

"Vex asked him. That's his twin; what was he gonna do? Say no? I can't even say no to Cagalli in real life. That's why I'm here," Kira huffed. He turned back to his griddle, wetting his hand and flicking the water at the surface. "Ha! It bubbled! See? I'm making my pancakes."

"The water is supposed to dance across the surface, but go off, king," Mu grumbled, waving a dismissive hand at Kira.

All eyes were on the Chief now as he poured the second round of pancakes. Everyone was watching him now, or rather watching Mu as the elders hands kept itching towards the spatula in Kira's hands. Kira's eyes were glued on the griddle but he somehow knew when to smack Mu's hand with the spatula.

"Don't flip them yet! They're not ready!" Mu cried when Kira moved to flip.

"Woll you get out of here?! I know what I'm doing!" Kira cried. As if to prove his point, he went to flip one of the pancakes—

Only it didn't flip. It wouldn't even move. Just like the first round, they were completely stuck to the griddle. He tried another and the same thing happened. Then Mu finally succeeded in snatching the spatula and attempted to flip himself, with no success. They were stuck fast.

"What the fuck? Okay, kid, go take care of the bacon. I'm going to handle this," Mu commanded, his voice leaving little room for argument as he pushed Kira towards the other griddle.

"I'm just glad it's not just me," Kira muttered as he happily started turning the bacon.

Now it was Mu's turn to scrub the griddle clean of the offending pancakes, softly cussing under his breath the entire time. It was the only noise in the room besides the sizzling bacon for several long minutes. Then—

"Are you not scrubbing salt onto Emmi's stainless steel griddle!" Kira cried in horror.

All eyes were back on Mu and, sure enough, he was scrubbing salt and oil on a paper towel onto the surface.

"It's seasoning!" Mu argued.

"It's ruining the surface is what it's doing," Kira argued right back.

Mu just made an annoyed noise and waved Kira off while he spooned more pancake batter onto the griddle. Now Kira, having just laid down new bacon strips, took the chance to go watch Mu. Sure enough, when it was time to flip, the pancakes were stuck again.

"It's not me!" Kira announced victoriously.

"What the fuck is going on?!" Mu snarled as he tried and flailed to flip more pancakes. "I have never seen batter do this!"

Fed up, Kira started rummaging through the cabinets. "Fuck it! We have waffle irons, right? Everyone's getting waffles! Fuck the pancakes!"

"Nooooooo," Shinn whined even as he joined in the search for the waffle irons. "I was dreaming of those pancakes…"

~*~

Later that day, the Christmas party on board was in full swing. Those that decided to stay on the ship and forgo shore leave were throwing a very loud, very drunk party that could barely be contained to the mess hall. It was so raucous that Kira couldn't stand it for very long and ended up retreating to the kitchen to wash dishes. Better to have something to do with his hands than going back to a cold, empty cabin.

"Hey. Leave that for someone else. Have some desert."

Shinn's voice made Kira jump. He'd been in such a trance washing that he hadn't noticed his XO entering. When his heart rate finally calmed down, he turned and gave Shinn a small smile. The younger was balancing two cups of coffee and a plate piled high with colorful cookies, along with a large, wrapped box under his arm.

"Desert sounds great." Kira turned off the water and dried his hands with a towel. "What kind of cookies did you grab?"

"There's a little of everything here, actually," Shinn chuckled. He put everything down on one of the worktables, sliding the box down a bit before jumping up to sit on the surface. "Don't tell Emmi. She'll kill me."

"Eh. It's Christmas," Kira said as he did the exact same thing.

The two men enjoyed coffee and cookies for a few minutes in companionable silence. Better than doing the dishes alone, anyway. Shinn was kicking his feet in the air like a kid and Kira couldn't help but smile at it. The younger pilot had turned into such a goofball in the last year he couldn't help but think this is what Shinn was actually like under his PTSD.

"Oh, by the way. Happy Christmas," Shinn said suddenly, passing Kira the large box.

Skeptical, Kira set down his coffee and took the box. It rattled in a very familiar way and he couldn't help his childlike excitement as he tore the wrapping paper off. As he did so, he noticed that it was wrapped with precision he didn't know Shinn possessed. But his wonder at the wrapping was quickly dismissed as he saw what was under it and his jaw dropped.

"A perfect grade Strike Rogue kit?" Kira asked, not really believing what he was holding. "You got me a model kit of Cagalli's machine?"

"Well, yeah," Shinn said, as though it was obvious. "You've been complaining that you miss your sister and that these extended outs mean you don't get to visit her as often. I figured at least with the kit, you could have a piece of her with you."

"Oh, Shinn… This is so thoughtful, thank you. I feel like such an asshole now." Kira laughed as he jumped off the table and went to retrieve a little gift bag that he handed to Shinn. "I didn't get you anything nearly as nice."

It seemed Shinn really didn't care as he tore into the tissue paper in the bag like a little kid. His curious expression turned to glee as he extracted a mug that said "Best XO Ever" on one side and a silhouette oh the Destiny with the wings of light on full blast on the other.

"I am so torn between wanting to use this every single day or keeping it on a shelf so I don't ruin it," Shinn giggled, holding it to his chest. "I love it. Thank you."

Kira let out a soft sigh of relief and gave Shinn a warm smile. "Happy Christmas, Shinn."

"Did you hear from Lacus today?" Shinn asked with a look of sympathy in his eyes.

"I called earlier and left a message. Haven't gotten a call back though," Kira grumbled. He looked at his phone, expecting to see no new notifications. But as he pulled it from his pocket, it started ringing. A little surprised, he turned the phone towards Shinn to show him that it was Lacus calling. He answered, "Hi, honey. We were just talking about you. . . . No, all good things, I promise. Happy Christmas. . . . Yeah, Shinn's here. Hold on, I'm going to put you on speaker." Kira did so and set his phone down on the table. "Say hi, Shinn."

"Happy Christmas, Lacus," Shinn said into the phone, even as he fought down the need to say 'hi Shinn'.

"Happy Christmas, Shinn," Lacus said, her tone warm and happy. "Are you keeping my dear husband out of trouble?"

"Are you kidding me?" Shinn scoff-laughed. "I'm the trouble. He's gotta keep everyone out of me!"

Lacus made a strangled noise as Kira damn near fell off the table wheezing.

A moment of confusion passed in Shinn's mind before his words registered and he started sputtering. "Wait, that—"

"No! That was exactly what you meant!" Kira cried, wiping tears from his eyes he was laughing so hard. Shinn kept sputtering out his denials, but Kira waved him off. "I have two words for you: syphilis outbreak!"

"That wasn't me! I'm clean, I swear!"

But Shinn's protestations fell on deaf ears as even Lacus joined in the laughter.

Chapter Text

It was quiet. Too quiet. That's why Kira was on edge, he concluded. It had been too quiet for too long on the ship and he was getting twitchy. He was prepared for a catastrophe any second.

That was why he jumped a foot in the air when a kraken like roar echoed out of the men's bathroom he was passing by. Not for any other reason. The yell was just startling. Before he could cross the hallway to said bathroom and find out what happened, an ensign came tearing out, trouser-less, and screaming like a banshee about a ghost as he hauled ass down the hall at top speed. Screaming like that on board a military ship got more than a few people worried. The witnesses all looked to Kira for an explanation. Kira, who was fighting to keep his heart rate under control and could little more than make sure his breathing was even and shrugged.

A horrible squelching noise reached his ears after a long minute of silence. He turned to see Shinn walking out of that very same men's bathroom, one foot soaking wet, and a picture perfect innocent face. Too innocent, Kira decided, for this harbinger of chaos and destruction. He made it to Kira's side and every set of eyes in the hallway were trained on him.

"Hey, soooooo," Shinn started, rocking back and forth on his feet. "I'm not sure what happened… But someone left their trousers in the stall. In the bathroom."

Kira looked his XO up and down. From the soaking foot and a face fighting down a grin, Kira simply raised an eyebrow. "Don't know what happened, huh?"

"Nope," Shinn agreed with a firm nod.

"Not a clue?"

"Not a single one."

"Why are you wet?"

That made Shinn look down, as if this was the first moment he saw the water he had trailed out of the bathroom. His smile was too sweet. "I slipped."

"You slipped?!" If the words came out in a breathless rush, well, it wasn't Kira's fault. His blood pressure was about to hit the ceiling.

"I slipped," Shinn attested once more. He saluted as though he hadn't just caused mass panic. "Cap."

Shinn about faced and walked away, leaving a wet footprint trail in his wake. All Kira could do was watch him go. There was no proving Shinn had done anything, after all.

"Oh my God we all need to get off this ship," Kira muttered to himself. "We're all going crazy."

"Happy Monday, Sir," someone next to him chuckled, as though he hadn't just witnessed the latest ship superstition being born.

"It's a Monday…" Kira sighed and started off following the wet trail. He was going to get answers out of his XO if it was the last thing he did.