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Chapter Text

Lily Luna gasped and stumbled sideways, narrowly catching herself on a rough brick wall. Damn it, not now, she thought. She had just started her first week of work at an apothecary after graduating. If she no-showed, they might decide she wasn’t worth the trouble and fire her. After all, if she said hey I’m so so sorry boss, I meant to be on time really I did, I just have a tendency to time travel to random times and locations, no I can’t control it all, crazy huh? Everyone would think she was making a bad joke. As it turns out, her life is the bad joke, though at least it’s one she usually finds pretty funny.

It started when she was around five. She would feel a sharp twist in her gut and an intense pressure all over her body like she’d been buried alive. When she opened her eyes she’d be somewhere else—some when else. At first she had only been gone for a few minutes at a time. She remembers being transported from the muggy July heat to a crisp winter’s day; she had rolled around in the snow laughing and returned home before she even had time to start shivering. Her parents had been shocked to see her appear on the carpet, snow melting in her hair. At first they thought she was somehow apparating accidentally, a very powerful form of accidental magic. Then, when Lily returned one day clutching bright yellow blooms of silphium, a flower that had been extinct for over a thousand years, they realized she wasn’t just traveling distances.

Her parents had taken her to her Aunt Hermione, then to the unspeakables at the department of mysteries, desperate to understand what was happening to their daughter. They wondered if a disgruntled former follower of Voldermort had put a curse on her. Dozens of tests and many healers later and there was still no cause—and no cure. Aunt Hermione thought that perhaps her mother being so near to the destruction of the time turners at the ministry in a battle with death eaters years ago may have caused Lily’s condition, though it was just a hypothesis and no one knew why her brothers wouldn’t have been affected as well. Her travels lengthened as she aged, from minutes to hours to occasionally a few days, but the travels mostly stabilized to a few hours once or twice a month around the time she reached the age of thirteen and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. 

Lily really had hoped that once she reached adulthood she would get at least a little bit of control over her traveling, but it appeared that wouldn’t be the case. Oh well, in many ways she did enjoy her travels. She got to see amazing things.  The last time she traveled she explored the depths of a dark forest that seemed like they’d never been touched by humans before. A few months before that it was a speakeasy in America with the best jazz music she’d ever heard. Once when she was thirteen an ancient marketplace in a country she had never managed to place at all, the locals had eyed her strange clothes and the auburn hair she’d put temporary purple streaks in suspiciously as she had wandered around the stalls. There was always danger in it, but she kept her wand holstered to her arm at all times, which helped her feel ready to face any troubles. Not that this particular journey seemed particularly dangerous or even interesting. The sky was grey and the air was cold and wet. As Lily exited the alleyway she’d appeared in she saw the familiar brick buildings.

Hogsmeade Lily suppressed a groan. She had just graduated a few months ago and now she’s back in the village she’d been in a dozen times. If she was potentially going to get fired from her first job over this, couldn’t she have at least gone to Tokyo or something? Still, it wasn’t quite her Hogsmeade, some of the shops looked different. Her clothes don’t look too different from the passersby’s, so the time period couldn’t be radically different from her own. She looks up, scanning the shop signs for familiar names, taking a few steps forward when someone slams into her. 

“Watch where you’re going,” the dark haired man snapped before his eyes widened in recognition, “Luna?”

“Yes?” Luna? Now this was intriguing; they’d clearly met before and she’d never met the same person twice on her travels. And why would she have only given him her middle name? The man—barely a man really, he could pass for a teenager if not for the black robes that must have been old-fashioned even in her grandfather's time—wasn’t much to look at at first. He was thin, with dark shoulder length hair, a hooked nose and skin so pale it seemed nearly translucent. He was almost exactly the same height as Lily Luna, his gaze meeting hers directly. Something about his eyes, impossibly dark and deep, drew her in. He did look familiar, she just couldn’t quite place it. 

“Ah I suppose I owe you an apology for our last meeting. My friend—former friend— that is had a bit too much to drink and said some regrettable things and you should not have been made to witness that. So I apologize. I hope that you don’t judge me based on the events of that night,” he flushed as he spoke, light pink and splotchy on his cheeks.  Oh Merlin, had he and his friends tried to cop a feel of something? Maybe he wasn’t so intriguing after all.  

“It’s alright—um sorry what was your name again? I just can’t seem to remember you,” Lily asked, letting some annoyance show. Usually a good way to shut men down was to make it clear you were barely aware of their existence. The blush on his cheeks darkened to nearly crimson. 

“Ah, Severus. I’ll be going now, sorry for bothering you,” he said softly, looking down. Fuck. Severus Snape, her brother’s namesake, the only one powerful enough to fool Lord Voldermort, hero of two wizarding wars. That’s why he looked so familiar, she’d seen his picture in the history books. She only didn’t recognize him because he looked so young here, a weedy man barely out of his teens chewing on his lower lip, as opposed to the middle aged, stoic and scowling picture she was familiar with. 

The street was bustling with activity, people smiling and laughing, so the first war must have been over, but it can’t have been over long, he barely looks older than her. Must be the early 1980’s. Amazing! What are the odds I’d run into him here? And apparently meet him twice, with whatever happened for him to recognize me. Her father had said Severus Snape was the bravest man he ever knew and that he had devoted his life to defeating the dark lord, but hadn’t said much about him besides that.

“No, wait! Let’s-er-catch up over a cup of tea?” Lily blurted, gesturing to the cheery looking shop named Madam Pudifoot’s, it wasn’t a place she recognized but she wasn’t really picky.

“Very well,” Severus said with a nod, looking a bit unsure of what to make of her mood shifts. Lily smiled and swung the door open.

“Lovely, I’ll just find us a table…” Lily trailed off as she got a good look at the interior, cutesy didn’t even begin to cover it, it seemed that every surface was covered in either lace or pink bows, with large red hearts waltzing around the ceiling. Severus looked both unphased and unimpressed. At the counter he ordered a cup of black tea and she decided to get a white chocolate raspberry tea infused with pixie dust because well, when in Rome. She reached for her wallet only to realize that it wasn’t in her pocket, but luckily Severus had already pulled out his to pay for both of them.

“Have you been well since the last time we saw each other? Made it through everything alright?” Severus asks. Maybe he’s asking about the war?

“I made it through very well, thank you. And yourself? What’s been up with you lately?” She smiles

“I’ve been well enough, I suppose. I’ve been teaching mostly,” Severus responds cautiously. 

“That’s nice,” Lily says with an encouraging smile and Severus gives a noncommittal grunt. An awkward silence falls over them as Lily takes a sip of her drink, it was overwhelmingly sweet but fine other than that. Lily bites back a thousand questions. She couldn’t very well ask the man what it was like being a spy or what the dark lord was really like.

“What have you been doing other than teaching, anything interesting?” Like maybe spying to bring down the greatest dark wizard in history.  Obviously he wouldn’t say anything about that but she might get a hint at least.

“No, nothing interesting,” his shoulders twitch into a shrug and he turns to look out the window. 

“Really nothing at all?” Lily prods.

“I’ve been busy designing new lesson plans” he responds, glancing at her warily for a few seconds before turning back the window. Well unfortunately for her it appeared he had the  give nothing away  part of being a spy down already. They lapse back into silence for a few minutes while Lily sips her drink. Severus doesn’t even touch his. 

“So do you come here often?” Lily asks. Merlin, now she sounds like one of those guys always trying to buy her a drink at the pub. 

“Not especially” he drawls.

“No? Not fond of the decor?” Lily looks pointedly at the hearts zipping around the ceiling. 

“Not especially,” he drawls again. She might have to have a bit more pity for men in pubs after this, being on the receiving end of someone’s disinterest like this was a bit excruciating. Though, maybe it wasn’t disinterest, the tightness of his shoulders and flat line of his lips indicated discomfort more than anything else. Well, small talk wasn’t going to get her anywhere.

“Me neither, though maybe if the hearts were anatomically correct it would be a bit more my speed. I wonder if there’s a spell that could do that,” she says. Severus huffs in surprise and the corner of his lip twitches.

“There likely is, though transfiguration isn’t exactly my specialty. Either way I’m not particularly interested in hearing my students whine for months about their Valentines being ruined, so it’s not worth the attempt,” Severus says.

“It’s Valentine’s Day? I hadn’t realized, maybe this place is more tolerable the rest of the year,” Lily shrugs. 

“Doubtful, but then I’m not much of a romantic,” Severus says looking dubiously at the pink and white lace patterning on the walls. He seems relaxed at least and the conversation flows more naturally after that. They talk for a while longer, with him telling Lily a bit about the work he had started. Severus had recently found that brewing tinctures of belladonna in a pure silver caldron while making all the stirring steps counterclockwise gave the normally poisonous plant powerful anti-toxic effects. In return Lily tells him a little about the work she hopes to start doing with selectively breeding and crossbreeding magical plants to increase their potency. 

Eventually, the twisting in her stomach that sometimes precedes her travels begins. Lily only had a minute at most before she was yanked back to her own time. She looks down, hands clenching her mug.

“—Is everything alright?” Severus asks, abruptly cutting off what he’d been saying before.

“I’m so sorry, I lost track of time, I’m meant to meet someone in a few minutes, but it was good to see you again,” she says and stands abruptly. She gives him a smile to try and make it seem a bit less like she’s running out on him. 

“You as well,” he says and she’s surprised to see him give her a small smile back, though he looks a bit puzzled. She barely had time to make it out of her door before the tugging became a yank and she was falling onto her bedroom floor. She glanced up at her clock, 9:10, already ten minutes late for work, though not as badly as she feared. And really if she was already late what was the harm in taking a few minutes to catch her breath and reflect. 

This was the first time that she’d run into someone from her family’s past or any sort of historical figure. She’d never given much thought to Severus Snape previously and he certainly wasn’t the smooth James Bond type spy character she’d imagined to entertain herself during boring history of magic lectures, but she was glad she’d met him. Given that he’d recognized her when they first met, she would see him again and she found herself smiling at the thought that this wouldn’t be the end, at least not for her. 

Chapter Text

The banner reading  European Potioneers Society 1983 felt heaven sent when Lily landed in the corner of a somewhat crowded auditorium. A year, a location and general event was far  far more information than she usually got when landing somewhere new. A few people gave her looks out of the corner of their eyes, but they must’ve just assumed she’d rudely apparated into the conference hall instead of fallen through time. She was planning to meet her family for dinner in a few hours and was moderately dressed up, so her robes—though still a bit too modern—barely even stood out for once. Her optimism only grew when she looked to the stage and saw who was approaching the podium to speak. Severus.

It had been three years since she first met him and she was starting to lose hope she would actually see him again. In the weeks after their first encounter she had asked around about the man, and was left with more questions for every piece of information she’d found. She hadn't told her family she’d met Severus, they worried enough about her traveling already, without the reminder that she may be able to unravel all of their pasts by slipping up and saying the wrong thing. Still, having met Severus she felt more connected, like she somehow also belonged in the past her parent’s generation was so reluctant to talk about, so she asked about Severus specifically. 

Her father would talk about his bravery and heroism, but seemed at a loss when she asked him for stories about what he was like as a teacher. After a few beers Uncle Ron had told her “he was actually a bit of a twat really, but no one wants to be the one to say it since the war would’ve been lost without him and all that” and Aunt Hermione rolled her eyes and said he was stern but very knowledgeable in potions. The only really interesting story had come from her mother, who told her of the time that she’d tried to steal the sword of Gryffindor right from under Severus’ nose when no one knew he was a double agent, he’d acted like he was sending them to a horrible fate in the dark forest in front of his colleagues, but sent them with the Groundskeeper to somewhere he knew they wouldn’t be harmed. 

When she turned to books most of them also had precious little information about the man himself, just scarce information about his movements during the first and second wars. His true allegiance had only been known to Albus Dumbledore, who Severus had killed, on Dumbledore’s own orders. Lily found that sort of dedication hard to fathom. The only volume that spoke of his personal life was by a woman named Rita Skeeter and said that he had been motivated by a deep love for Lily Potter, her grandmother.  She wasn’t sure why but she didn’t want to believe it at first, though when asked her father had confirmed it. It made her feel queasy in a way she didn’t want to examine, that Severus had loved her grandmother, her namesake , but he had told her he wasn’t a romantic in the tea shop that day. Which was stupid really, they were barely more than passing acquaintances. 

Today though, Severus wore the same plain black robes that he’d been wearing when they first met in Hogsmeade. He spoke with an easy confidence in the work he had done, seemingly a continuation of the work he’d done with belladonna prior, refining ways of reversing the effects of the most poisonous plants. Lily is reminded of some of the techniques she’d learned for brewing antidotes in her own potions class, she hadn’t realized they’d been developed so recently.  How ironic that he spends so much time creating antidotes and antitoxins but dies from a poisonous snake bite. A shiver runs through her and she tries to focus on the talk. He doesn’t see her while he speaks, his eyes fixed somewhere slightly over everyone’s head. 

After the session had concluded, she followed Severus out to the coffee stand. She’ll have to introduce herself as this will be his first time meeting her. A million different ways to introduce herself flash through her head, though he spots her as she approaches and gives her a slight nod.

“I’m surprised to see you here, I thought your interests lay more with herbology,” he says as he turns to her. So apparently this isn’t the first time they’ve met, and aside from him she still hasn’t met the same person more than once. Lily has never put much stock in fate, but it feels odd that their paths keep crossing.

“I do generally, but given all the applications plants have in potions, I like to keep up with the field,” she shrugs, “I liked your talk by the way, seems like you’ve made a lot of progress since we saw each other last.”

“Not nearly as much as I would like,” he snorts, “and yourself? Managed to create any new species yet?”

“Not exactly,” Lily laughs, though she has. They just won’t exist for several decades. Still there is one project she’s been working on she can tell him about, “I have been working on creating a strain of witch hazel with powerful coagulant properties.”

“To make a better clotting potion with? Most people just use spells, much more convenient,” He tilts his head.

“It’s more for the treatment of bleeding disorders. Though with the strains I’m working on you shouldn’t have a need to brew a potion at all, just pack the wounds with the petals,” she explains.

“That would be incredibly useful, though it feels a bit sacrilegious to discuss making a potion obsolete at a potions conference,” he looks very intrigued.

“What can I say, I’m a rebel, always cross pollinating different subspecies with no regard for the rules,” she says. Merlin she’s really developed her dad’s corny side since she hit her twenties. Severus looks amused though at least. They talk for a while longer about work, Lily having to hold back several of her more interesting projects as they’re decades away from anything being done at the present time. They sit beside each other at the afternoon session, occasionally making snarky comments about the other presenters, trying not to laugh while trying to make the other laugh. He certainly has a bit of a mean streak, muttering about how derivative another man’s work is under his breath. She mostly finds it amusing, it’s something they have in common and it makes her feel a bit warm that he's never seemed inclined to turn his sharp tongue towards her even a little. When evening comes and she feels the familiar pull in her body towards home she regrets having to say goodbye.

She made it to the family dinner on time at least. Her dad tells the story of a man who was caught trying to smuggle an illegal cross between a pygmy puff and a kneazle out of the country because his coat kept meowing. She and her mother chuckle while Jamie laughs wildly and Albus rolls his eyes. When it comes time to update them on her work everyone listens politely but she can tell they don’t quite get it, she finds she misses the way Severus had quickly latched on the greater relevance of her work, the way he had understood her need to push boundaries because he felt the same way.

Chapter Text

The hallway Lily lands in is dark and empty, a painting of a blonde man looks disapprovingly at her pajamas huffs and turns away. Malfoy Manor. Well, at least she knows where she is, if not when. The Malfoys were so resistant to muggle technology the older ones still refused to use any sort of electricity. The walls were smooth stone lit by sconces, she must be in one of the lesser used areas of the manor, one of the abandoned wings in the top floor. 

She and her brother Jamie had gone exploring up here once, during a visit over the summer. Albus and Scorpious had just started dating and were too wrapped up in each other to even notice their disappearance. They’d spent a delightful few hours combing through dusty old clothes and cranky portraits of relatives no one liked until Jamie had found a beautiful silver comb he’d jokingly ran through his hair. The comb had been cursed and started gnawing on his hair and refused to let go, they’d had to shave off half his head while Albus laughed so hard he’d nearly started crying. They’d gotten a tedious lecture from Scorpious’ father about the dark cursed objects and other dangers that supposedly lurked up here, but she supposed it was desperate enough times. 

Using a quick spell to make sure there were no hexes attached to the door. Lily slipped inside the room. She could hear the faint sound of music through the window and stepped towards it to look a few stories down into the courtyard. Below she could see witches and wizards dressed in a rainbow of bright intricately embroidered robes, standing out like scattered jewels against the snow, masks glinting in the torchlight. A masquerade ball!

Lily quickly scans through the piles of old furniture before she spots a chest. Checking again for hexes before opening the chest she rifles through it before finding a deep crimson off the shoulder robe that looks close enough to her size she can easily transfigure it to fit her. It is, perhaps, a bit moth eaten and she doesn’t think the hole showing her belly button would be acceptable in whatever era this is, but that can be concealed with magic at least for a few hours and besides how often does one get to be the mysterious stranger at a real masquerade ball? Lily changes into the gown and makes the necessary alterations. She snags a silver compact and transfigures it into a mask with an english ivy vine design.

She stops by the coatroom and her luck holds out because the attending house elf is passed out clutching a bottle of butterbeer. A long scarlet cloak catches her eye and she takes it, knowing it will keep her warm and hide the blemishes she’s failed to cover up in her dress, before heading outside. 

Every inch of the courtyard is covered in snow and it must be charmed because no one’s feet leave so much as an indent. The torch flames are charmed to be silver, giving everything an ethereal look. People congregate in clusters around elaborate ice sculptures. Lily grabs a glass of wine from a passing tray, breathes the crisp air and just tries to take it all in. A few couples dance to the musicians in the center and she sees a young man with long hair who is the absolute spitting image of Scorpius, definitely an ancestor. When he and Albus finally tie the knot she’ll have to make them throw parties like this  at least once a month. 

Across the courtyard a dark haired man stands and clinks his glass. At the sound of the quiet chime a hush falls over the entire courtyard. He looks familiar but Lily can’t quite place him, he has quite the angular face. An ancestor to one of the Rossiers maybe? Or perhaps—

“My dearest companions,” he begins softly, “tonight we celebrate the end to this year and the beginning of a new one. This past year is to be remembered fondly as we have made great strides in achieving our goals. We have persuaded several key members of the Wizgemont to our side, we have now successfully infiltrated every department of the ministry at the highest levels. However this coming year will outshine the previous by far, for it is the year we shall take control of England fully. More than that I have recently been made aware of a weapon my enemies are preparing, rest assured we shall crush this threat as we crush all others that rise against us, in its  infancy. ”

“You shouldn’t be here” a deep voice growls in her ear as a hand roughly grabs Lily’s arm and yanks her backward. She’s too stunned to even cry out, not that anyone would be able to hear her over the cheers of the crowd. She was standing less than 50 feet away from Voldermort himself,  how could she be so stupid . Now someone had noticed that they didn’t recognize her or that she was still wearing slippers for Merlin’s sake and realized she didn’t belong. She’ll be interrogated and her father had told her that Voldermort was unparalleled in legitimacy. He would learn everything from her mind. She wasn’t sure what impact giving one of the greatest dark wizards in history knowledge of his future would have but it definitely wouldn’t be good. Lily squeezes her eyes shut and wills herself to leave this place, but she can’t. 

“What are you even  doing here?”  Severus. Lily’s eyes snap open meeting his as she recognizes the voice. She feels cold stone against her back, he’s pulled her into a little alcove behind one of the ice sculptures, out of everyone’s sight. His grip on her arm falters as his eyes widen, flickering over her face in sudden confusion. Of course, he must’ve thought she was her grandmother. But now he can see Lily’s dark brown eyes and slight cleft chin she inherited from her own mother and he must realize his mistake.

“I’m sorry, have we met?” Lily tries for exasperated confusion, though she’s still too breathless to pull off any sort of nonchalance. Still, her heartbeat begins to slow. It’s strange how his presence  makes her feel more relaxed, even now when it shouldn’t, when he’s likely still a death eater at heart. 

“I-I’m so sorry, I must’ve mistaken you for someone else,” he stutters. Now his impossibly dark eyes flicker around her looking everywhere but into her own. Lily is struck by how young he looks, younger than she’s ever seen him, he seems almost boyish still. He is wearing black dress robes with some ivy patterned embroidery wrapping around his torso in emerald green, though the darkness of the robe is still in sharp contrast to jewel tones everyone else wore. The robes hang off his shoulders loosely, giving the impression of a boy wearing his father’s clothes. He must be barely twenty now. Lily is twenty four herself now and it’s just starting to sink in how young most of the fighters in the wizarding wars actually were.

“It’s alright, I have one of those faces I suppose,” Lily gives him a slight smile, “What’s your name?”

“Severus, and yourself?” He answers cautiously. 

“Luna Prewett,” she says. 

“Prewett’s not a name you hear much around here,” he narrows his eyes. Shit. She didn’t know why her instinct had been to give her grandmother’s maiden name. She’d wanted to avoid Potter and Weasley given the obvious Order of the Phoenix ties but now that she was thinking about it, her grandmother's family had likely had Order members as well. 

“No? I think I still have some distant relatives in England somewhere, but we’re not really in contact. We moved to America when I was quite young,” Lily lies, a little impressed with herself by how smoothly it came out, “I’m just passing through really, I have an apprenticeship in Greece that starts in a few months.”

“I see,” he looks at her again, as if he’s trying to puzzle her out, “how’d you end up here then?”

“I was curious, you know, what all this was like,” she says with a shrug.

“All this? Do you mean the party?” He raises an eyebrow. He’s looking at her like she’s a sentence in a long dead language he’s trying to translate and it sends a little flutter through her chest. Lily likes the way he always studies her when they meet, she knows she probably shouldn’t especially given the circumstances right now, but she can’t bring herself to believe he’d hurt her. It was objectively a very stupid belief, he would’ve had to hurt lots of people but she believed she was safe none the less. 

“Mostly. I was told I might make good friends here, though you’re the first person who’s really tried to talk to me,” Lily smiles at him widely. Maybe her best bet is just to play clueless tourist. Merlin no wonder he’d acted strangely that first time she met him in Hogsmeade. He had probably still been trying to figure out whether she was a death eater sympathizer or just hopelessly naive.

“Right well—”

“Oi, Snape, there you are. Where have you been we’re about to start the count—,” a large man with medium brown hair and light green robes stumbles towards them and pauses when he sees Lily. She tenses up, she’d forgotten for a second she was still in the snake pit.

“I’m in the middle of a conversation,” snaps Severus.

“Right, of course you are. You and your redheads huh?” The man snorts. Lily flushes and feels uneasy at the sudden wave of jealousy that hits her. Which is ridiculous, it is ridiculous for her to be jealous of her own grandmother. And yet.

“Piss off Mulciber,” Severus rolls his eyes. Mulciber laughs. 

“Well hey if this one’s here at least she’s not a mudblood, so I guess your taste has—“ So quick Lily barely sees it Severus flicks his wand. Mulicber yelps as a line of red appears on the sleeve of his robe, blood quickly seeping through and spreading. 

“Merlin, Snape, learn to take a joke once in a while. Fuck that hurts, I’ll let you have a little moment with your girlfriend,” he puts his hands up in mock surrender and stumbles off.

“I’m sorry about that,” Severus bites his lip.

”It’s alright, I think everyone gets a little too drunk on New Year’s, says things they regret, does things they regret,” Lily says. She can’t exactly act bothered about the word mudblood if she’s at a Death eater party.  Sounds like there’s a story with you and redheads huh?  She doesn’t ask, she already knows and he won’t tell. And even if he would, she really didn’t want to hear it. The crowd has begun chanting the count down. Less than one minute to midnight.

”That’s true enough, still we should probably,” he gestures vaguely to the crowd through the ice sculpture. Thirty seconds.

“Or we could stay here, I always like ringing the New Year in with a kiss and you seem like good company.” Twenty seconds.

 “I’m not really, though I suppose I may be your best option at the moment.” The flush from when Mulciber appeared is back in full force. Ten seconds.

”And I’m your best option too at the moment as well I suppose,” Lily reaches up and cups his chin tracing her thumb along his prominent cheekbone. Five seconds. His eyes are caught on her lips. She leans in.

The kiss starts soft and dry. Severus doesn’t seem quite sure what to do, one hand cupping the back of her elbow, barely moving like he’s afraid the moment will break. Despite this, Lily can barely hear the cheers of the crowd over the pounding of her heart. Her thumb keeps tracing over his cheekbone soft and steady and after a few seconds of stillness she traces his upper lip with her tongue.

He gasps and it’s like something snaps in him, his arm wraps fully around her clinging to her tightly and responds with his tongue. A bit too much tongue if she’s being objective, but a part of her likes the sloppiness, how quickly he became desperate. Likes that it feels like she’s the first person he’s ever kissed. She doesn’t think she’ll ask him if it’s his first kiss after, she doesn’t want to embarrass him as much as she likes seeing him flustered and she’s worried that the answer will be no. The angle is nice as well, she’s used to dating men taller than her and Severus are almost the exact same height and there’s something to be said for being on equal ground.

A loud whistle followed by a bang breaks them apart. Right, fireworks. They both look to the sky and back to each other. Severus lets out a small laugh and then Lily’s laughing too. She keeps her hand possessively on the back of his neck. The laughter dies down.      

“I—“ Severus starts and breaks off. Lily tilts her head and waits.

“You shouldn’t stay here,” he whispers and that isn’t what she expects at all, “you should go on to Greece as fast as you can. All of this,” he gestures vaguely toward the party, “it’s like quicksand, once you’re deep in it there’s no way out. And you seem like a good person, nothing good will come if you stay.”

Lily nods. The cruelty of this moment hits her like a knife to the gut. She will move on, go back to her not-perfect-but-happy-life and Severus won’t. His entire life will be consumed by the war, he looks so young here and he has the potential to lead so many different lives, but Lily already knows how his story ends; his throat ripped out by a snake, his fellow resistance members thinking him a traitor. She wants to tell him it’s not too late for him that he can run too, but of course she can’t. It is too late. Her father’s future, the future of the wizarding world rests in Severus’ hands. She can’t risk unraveling the future like that for one man. But maybe a small warning?

Before she can open her mouth, someone else calls for Snape in the distance. 

”I should go,” he says. 

“So should I,” she says and watches as he walks away. Lily watches as the Malfoy she noticed earlier approaches Severus, pulling him into an intent conversation with Lord Voldemort, Malfoy’s hand on Severus’ arm. Neither of them bother to glance her way. She slips back into the house, depositing the cloak on an empty chair, then makes her way back to the attic. She hopes that her return home will come soon, but it doesn’t. 

She curls up on the floor fighting to keep her breathing steady, though now that the adrenaline has worn off she can’t quite keep the reality of her situation at bay. Severus is still down there, she could try to find him. And tell him what? Watch out for snakes, he clearly knows he’s in a vipers den? She’s far more likely to get caught and regardless she can’t seem to make her limbs move. Her chest tightens every time there are footsteps on the stairs, afraid that someone had thought to ask about the girl that clearly doesn’t belong.

The sounds of the party quiet eventually, but it isn’t until the first rays of dawn are peeking through the window that Lily feels the nausea that signals her return home. It isn’t until she collapses in her bed that she allows herself to cry. 

Chapter Text

It’s snowing when Lily lands and she suppresses a groan. It had just gotten to springtime back home and here she is right back in the dead of winter. She had also happened to be right in the middle of grocery shopping when she’d been pulled away. Her travels had gotten less frequent as she hit her mid-twenties but it was still vexing.

She sees the sign for the Hog’s Head and walks glumly towards it, at least she’s somewhere familiar. She pauses at the door when she sees who’s sitting at the bar. It had been four years since she’d last seen Severus and she genuinely didn’t think she’d ever seen him again. She had done her best to move on with her life but now she walks towards him as if in a trance. He looks old, much older than she’d ever seen him, but more than that he looks tired. 

“Severus.” He looks up at her, surprise, confusion and something that looks a little like anger written on his face for a moment before it smooths into a blank mask. She probably looks At least a decade younger then he would expect. 

“It’s been a long time, Ms. Prewett. You look well,” his voice is distant. 

“I’ve been good. How’re you?” She can’t believe she’s run into him again. It’s fate, it has to be.

 “As well as anyone can be under the circumstances,” he gestures to the paper whose headline reads  Family of Four Found Dead in Suspected Death Eater Attack. The date is December 13th, 1997. Her blood runs cold. They’re in the midst of the second war, Severus only months away from killing Dumbledore and a little over a year from dying himself. Suddenly she knows she can’t let him die.

“I’m surprised that you haven’t put in some work advertising your plant strains with increased healing properties,” he continues absently, a note of bitterness growing clearer in his voice as he goes on, “but then you’ve never published anything anywhere, not in Europe at least. I checked after our last meeting. I find it fascinating that a woman with your innovative botanical skills hasn’t warranted a mention anywhere. In fact none of the herbologists I’ve met seem aware that a Luna Prewetteven exists. Who exactly are you?” 

Well fuck.

“Look I can give you answers, but I need to tell you something and we need to speak alone,” she moves to take his hand but he pulls away, his face a hark mask of suspicion. 

“Do you now? I must admit I’m dying to hear what you have to say after all this time. It’s very interesting that you reappear now of all times, especially given what you said—“ whatever else he was going to say was cut off by a bloodcurdling scream from outside.

They both run out in time to see a girl levitating in the distance about 10 feet above the gathering crowd, her long brown hair swirling around her face as if she were underwater. A tall ginger boy, manages to grab hold of her ankle and pull her down but the wailing doesn’t stop, Severus runs towards them and Lily follows. The ginger boy looks up and says something to someone and Lily freezes in her tracks.  Uncle Ron?

She actually stops to look at the crowd and sees her father, looking thin and lanky, holding the brunette’s head, while her Aunt Hermione points a wand at her muttering something. Her mother doesn’t appear to be anywhere nearby. She doesn’t remember this from any of her father’s stories. Severus has made it to the girl by now and he is able to silence her screams with a wave of his wand. The crowd begins to disperse and Lily backs away slowly, finding her way to a nearby alleyway. 

The risk of interacting with one of her own parents seems too high, but maybe if she waits it out she’ll get a chance to speak to Severus. Even as she has the thought her stomach twists. Nononono I’ve barely had ten minutes here, I need more time and she’s standing in the produce section of a Waitrose, decades away from him yet again.

Chapter Text

It’s always gloomy in Knockturn Alley, nearly impossible to even tell what season it is through all grey. The general griminess and wear make the place seem almost timeless in its own ways, which means Lily has pretty much no idea when she is. She’s glad she wasn’t transported anywhere nice, here at least her dirt sprinkled overalls, pockets building with plant cuttings don’t stand out too badly. She’s been time traveling less and less in the past few years, this is the first time that she’s traveled this month, so she tries not to be annoyed about it, ducking into a nearby apothecary.

The place itself is well lit and well organized, in spite of its grimy exterior. Lily finds herself drawn to a row of dubiously legal plant specimens. She inhales deeply, finding the earthy aroma of the place comforting.

“I didn’t think I’d run into you here of all places,” the familiar drawl startles her. She whirls around and Severus is here. He is young again, far younger than he was the last time she saw him, but likely older than all the other times. She’s thirty now and he seems roughly her age. 

“I didn’t think I’d see you again!” She throws her arms around him and he stiffens before relaxing slightly. He’s surprisingly warm and she clings to him for several moments before reluctantly pulling back. Splotches of red appear on his cheeks and he looks at her slightly baffled.  

“I just mean I don’t spend much time in England these days, I’m only here for a short visit. I’m glad I ran into you,” she tries for a charming smile. This chance to save him won’t go to waste, she just won’t let him out of her sight until she’s figured out a way.

“I see,” spots of red appear on his cheeks and he glances towards the shelf Lily had been perusing, “wild hemlock, my someone must have made you very angry.”

“You of all people should know it has potential medicinal uses as well, maybe I’m just trying to restart a failing heart,” she looks down at the the small white blossoms, deceptively delicate and beautiful compared to so many of the gnarled roots dried leaves lining the walls of the place, but more deadly than all of them.

“There are easier ways of doing that, you’d keep the heart from failing just to kill them of kidney failure a few days later,” he snorts, and a woman in ragged grey robes glances over at them.

“Unless there’s a toxin so powerful it would interfere with everything else, say a Giant Diamond-Backed Viper,” The kind of snake that will kill you she doesn’t say, but maybe this could be her way of warning him. She couldn’t tell him everything but she could try to push him down the right path. “Something like wild hemlock extract may be the only way to counter that.”

“Possibly though you’d have to find a way to counter being eaten alive first I would think, not to mention the unstoppable bleeding that comes from the bite if you even manage to get away. Then of course you would have to manage the kidney failure you’d given yourself. No potion has ever managed to counter that, and no one’s ever survived. Which makes it an interesting thought experiment I suppose. How would you try to make it work?” Severus has moved on to examine some gurdyroot the next shelf over. Behind him she sees the woman in ragged grey robes reach up to inspect something and her sleeve drops down to reveal the edge of a wand holster. A standard Auror issue wand holster, the same kind her father has. 

“We need to get out of here,” she whispers below her breath and grabs his arms, discreetly nodding to the woman behind him. He turns slowly, root in his hand pretending to hold it up to the light for better inspection. He must see what she sees because he turns back to her, puts the root down and looks pointedly at the door. They both walk to the exit, doing their best to appear casual.

Outside a few people mingle around the shop, it appears like an ordinary day but Lily learned enough from her father to notice the signs of an impending raid. The man and women are sitting on a worn bench, doing their best to look like they are on a date, but both their bodies are angled perfectly towards the shop. Another man slumped on a stoop presumably passed out drunk, but Lily can see the glimmer of his eyes fixed on her and Severus from deep under his hood. Severus must feel it too, she can see the rising tension in his shoulder as they step out from under the awning of the shop.

“‘Scuse me--,” a voice starts, but Severus’ fingers close around hers then she feels the disorienting whirl of apparition before she can hear the rest. They land in a room, lightly dimly filtering in through a dirty window, illuminating a threadbear carpet, a worn crunch and a few armchair armchairs all surrounded by wall to ceiling bookshelves. His home possibly, or maybe a safehouse? Aside from the bookshelves it isn’t really what she’d pictured for him.

“Shit,” he spits out through gritted teeth and she’s a little surprised to hear him swear.

“Any idea what that was about?” she tries to say casually but it comes out a little breathless. Her heart will need a few minutes to stop pounding.

“Not exactly, Lewin is known for dealing in grey areas but he’s managed to avoid attracting attention to himself, til now at least.  Fuck that was the only apothecary in England willing to stock most of the nightshade family. Finding a new supplier will be difficult,” he closes his eyes     “I’m sorry, I’d offer to help but I don’t have much experience in growing nightshades.”

“It’s fine, I just--I should have seen it coming, but I was so distracted I barely even noticed. I’m glad you have sharp eyes at least.

“I’m sure you’ll find a new supplier soon,” their fingers are still intertwined and she runs her thumb over the back of his hand in a soothing manner. He looks down as if he hadn’t realized they were still touching but doesn’t pull away.

“It isn’t that really,” he sighs. 

“No?”

“As I’m sure you can guess given the circumstances of our first meeting, I had involvement in some extralegal activities of my own. I managed to avoid getting caught out for it, but getting caught up in a raid like that could’ve been very bad for me,” he hesitates

“I remember, you warned me to stay away from all of it and I’m glad you did. It seems like you avoided the worst of it at least?” Now that he’s actually willing to bring up the war, at least a little, she’s not sure what to say. He shakes his head. 

“I avoided consequences for the worst of it, so that’s something. Others suffered in my place though, others far less deserving than myself. By all rights I should—“ he breaks off, eyes fixed to a crack in the ceiling. 

“You saved me from it, that’s something at least,” not that she would’ve ever actually gone down that path, but he doesn’t know that. And he did save her in a way. He pulled her away from the crowd that night, before anyone had noticed that she didn’t belong, she shuddered to think what would have happened if someone else had spotted her. 

“I am pleased that you stayed clean of all of it and it's far from nothing I suppose, but not nearly enough. I could dedicate a thousand lifetimes to atoning for what I’ve done and I wouldn’t even come close,” His mouth is set in a grim line. Lily wonders if he’s only talking about the prophecy, about his role in her grandmother’s death, what other things he feels unable to atone for. Maybe she should be bothered by the idea but she mostly just feels sad. He doesn’t have a thousand lifetimes to give so instead he will give up the only one he has.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I brought this up. Just—there’s no point really. I can’t go back and change the past no matter how much I want to,” he says and it startles a horrible gasping laugh out of Lily. He looks at her in concern while she struggles to regain control of herself.

“I have things in the past I wish I could change—not in the exact way that you do I think—but still it all feels so  heavy doesn’t it?” And so, so helpless. He’s sitting here beside her warm and breathing now, but in her own time he’s nothing more than bones. His death isn’t her fault, but the failure to stop will be. She’s given a hint but deep down she knows it’s not enough. What can she possibly say to change fate itself, that’s enough to warn him of what’s to come without risking the lives of her parents, everyone she loves, the fate of the world itself? 

“It does,” he looks at her, dark eyes heavy with a sad understanding and they fall silent for several minutes. It feels final. She hardly travels through time at all anymore and somehow she knows  this is the last time she will visit him, with a certainty she didn’t have the other times. 

Well if this is going to be goodbye. She takes her hand that isn’t holding his and places it on his facing tracing his cheekbone like she did the first time they kissed. If he’s surprised by her mood swings he doesn’t show it, maybe he feels as unmoored as she does right now. He’s the one to close the final distance between them when she leans in, his lips meeting hers.

The kiss is slower than the last time, sadder, though there’s still an edge of desperation to it. He seems more experienced this time and Lily stifles a pang of jealousy, it’s been a decade for him since they last kissed and she didn’t really like the idea of him being alone all that time. She certainly hadn’t been, though there hadn’t been anyone who really mattered to her and she strongly suspected he hadn’t had anyone who actually mattered to him.

The kiss grows more heated and she begins to unbutton his shirt, pushing him towards the threadbare couch. She wonders if she matters to him as he pulls her shirt over her head, is she just a strange woman he happens to run into every few years or does he feel there’s something more? Worried that the answer to that question may very well be  no, she pushes the thought away and just lets herself enjoy the feeling of his callused hands on her body. She pushes him down on the couch and straddles him. He seems perfectly happy to let her take charge and so she does.

..*..     

Afterwards they lay pressed together on the couch, sweat starting to cool on their bodies. She’s amused to find that sex seems to completely wipe Severus out. He blinks at her sleepily a few times and rests his head on her chest, his breathing evening out. A thread of affection wraps its way around her heart at the way he holds her, his body relaxed in her arms, soft and trusting. She turns her head to the side and sees her discarded overalls next to them on the floor, a cutting sticking out of the pocket.

“Witch hazel,” she blurts out.

”What?” He says blearily, cracking an eye open. 

“I would use witch hazel blossoms to stop the bleeding from the giant diamondback viper bite,” she explains, her heart pounding in her chest. His eyebrows furrow.

“That could do some good I suppose, but I’m not sure it would be strong enough when put up against a venom that powerful,” he relaxes back into her.

“Mine would be,” she reaches for the cutting and hands to him, “I’ve been working on this strain for a long time, the flowers are blue and much more potent than normal witch hazel. You can stop bleeding just by pressing petals into a wound and it could be made even stronger in a potion.

”Perhaps, then your wild hemlock to keep the heart rate up, with something to protect against its toxicity, a sort of ivy maybe? Though I don’t know of any strong enough to counter hemlock,” he yawns but looks a little intrigued as he turns the cutting over in his hand. He makes to hand it back to her but she closes his hand around it.

“Keep it, you’re the one who’ll need to to brew this, not me, I’m no potioneer,” she says with a smile. Maybe this could actually work.

“I’m not actually going to make a brew for this, maybe one person gets bitten by those things every few years. There’s much more important things to work on though it is an interesting thought experiment, we haven’t even gotten to the effects on mind, hallucinations and the like. Possibly the belladonna tinctures I was working on a few years back?” he says, pulling himself up on an elbow and looking down at her. There’s nothing more important for you, she thinks with a sinking feeling. 

“That could work! And it would be important to the few people you saved. An anti venom that powerful would be useful to keep on your person, generally speaking. Just think about it,” she pleads. He looks fully awake now and a little perturbed at her intensity. 

“It would need a lot of troubleshooting to be sure, and it’s not like I have access to the venom to test it. But if I ever come across some, I’ll give it a go,” he says, his voice conciliatory, “er—would you like some tea? I could do with some.”

“Sure, tea sounds nice,” she watches as he stands and puts his pants on before heading towards what she assumes is the kitchen. She stays lying on the couch. She’s pushed him towards the idea as much as she can without giving too much away she thinks. Now all she can do is hope the idea sticks in his mind. She closes her eyes and feels herself begin to relax, listening to the sounds of his movement in the kitchen. 

She gets no warning this time, just the softness of the couch turning into the cold hard dirt of her greenhouse, cold against her naked body. She runs into the house, not caring if her neighbor could see, rushing to her bookshelf and ripping open the first book on the wizarding wars she could find. Turning to the chapter on The Battle of Hogwarts, she feels her heart pounding, until she reaches a subheading titled The Death of Severus Snape and it nearly stops beating entirely. Her entire body feels numb and she sinks to the floor, but she keeps reading anyway, reading the unchanged story of her death. 

Her nails dig into her palm hard enough to draw blood, but she doesn’t cry this time. If she cries it will become real, so she ignores the stinging in her eyes and pulls out a second history book. It remains as unchanged as the first. A third. The same. She closes her eyes and rests her forehead against the bookshelf. 

Stupid, stupid girl. She had really begun to let herself think their meetings were fate, that maybe she had been sent back to save him. Well if she had been she failed. She sinks down to the floor and stays there, opening the one book she has that has a picture of Severus. The picture barely moves apart from the occasional blink. He looks like he did that day in the Hog’s Head, scowling, his face just beginning to show lines of age. She traces his face with her thumb, like she did just a few hours ago, like she can still reach him.

Chapter Text

It takes her months to visit his grave. She’d felt the need to go to him immediately on her return, to apologize for her failure to save him, but she hadn’t wanted to face the reality that he was truly gone. By the time she works up the nerve it’s late spring and there’s a slight swell in her lower abdomen that could be attributed to weight gain. She hasn’t told her parents or her brothers, hasn’t told her friends, hasn’t told anyone yet. It didn’t feel right not to tell Severus first, but then it also didn’t feel right to visit the grave of a man who had been dead nearly forty years and tell him he was about to become a father. 

He’s buried in a remote corner of the Hogwarts grounds, an area she’d never bothered to visit as a student. At first glance it’s prettier than she expected and more peaceful, wildflowers just blooming in the early spring are scattered around the clearing and ivy has begun to creep up the tomb, but it doesn’t look neglected. 

She approaches and wills herself to place her hand on the black marble tomb. The stone is cold even in the sunlight and tears spring to her eyes. White blossoms of wild hemlock surround the tomb, contrasting the dark marble. A strange choice for a burial site, but it did fit Severus somehow, she thinks back to their final meeting in the potion shop, his amusement at seeing her peruse one of the deadliest poisons known to man as if she was picking out apples.

“Severus I’m so so sorry my lo—“ she begins when she spots a blur of blue out of the corner of her eye. She blinks rapidly a few times to clear away the tears and she sees it clearly behind the tomb. Witch hazel.  Her specific strain with the blue flowers. How could it have ended up here? It didn’t grow in the wild. She was the only one who cultivated it except—she remembers—the cutting she had given to Severus.

Likely he had kept it, grown the little branches she’d given him for what must’ve been years and kept his promise never to show it to anyone else. Then whoever had gone through his things when he died must’ve decided to plant it here. She was glad, in a way she had been beside him all these years. She approaches the small bush, tenderly stroking one of the leaves, when she notices a single bright purple belladonna flower blooming at the base of it. 

Belladonna was meant to grow in clusters, a single flower was very odd. She remembered the first time they’d met in Hogsmeade, and again at the potions conference they’d discussed his work with belladonna. Taking something deadly and turning it on its head. Maybe she’s gone mad, but it’s a sign. It has to be. 

Some instinct tells her to dig, so she does,  ripping through the dirt with her bare hands not even remembering her wand. After a few minutes her hand closes around a small metal box. It worked, he must have survived somehow. The box is rusted but there must be a preserving charm on the inside because the paper there is unharmed. The only thing written is an address. He likely left this message decades ago, who knew if he was even still there or even still alive, but Lily knows immediately that she will search. She will find him. After all, fate must’ve brought them together so many times for a reason right?