Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Who knew being hungry could be so tiring. Most people would think that on the contrary hunger would serve as an alarm, a powerful motivation to jolt one into action. That was how human survival instinct was supposed to work anyway.

Maybe this feature was somewhat less ingrained in Lucifer than in his mortal counterparts, because in his case survival instinct seemed to get overridden by the instinct to just lie there and starve more often than not. He understood that wasn’t considered normal. Regular people got out of bed every mornings, ate breakfast and went about their day without even thinking about it. 

Only it was never as straightforward for him. Firstly he needed to muster the energy to get out of bed, make himself presentable enough to appear in public, drag himself to the ground floor, and prepare his meal. And then there was the socializing. Greeting people, talking to people, eating in front of people. Even though Charlie, whom he loved more than anything in the world technically also was people it was enough to deter him from even trying most of the time. Eating in his room also wasn’t an option.

He could conjure up anything he wanted in existence, but he’d discovered long ago that food was different. It’ll look, smell and taste the same but was dangerously poor in nutrients and he’ll exhaust himself even faster because of the illusion of fullness it would give him. Maybe only God could bend the laws of the universe without paying the price after all.

But that didn't matter because the mere idea felt like a betrayal, if he couldn’t get up and join his daughter for breakfast like an adult he might as well not eat at all. Charlie didn’t know what he was up to when he didn’t come out of his room for days on end. Maybe she didn’t even care if he was eating well or not. But he knew, and somehow the fact that he only ever ate when in her presence made everything a bit more bearable.

That was what he deserved for consistently letting her down.

Especially now. 

He rubbed the heels of his hands over his eyes and sat up on the bed. He wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, but he knew he would wake up just as tired as he was now and twice as ashamed to have wasted another day when he could have made himself useful. Or, if useful was out of his reach like pretty much everything was at the moment, he could make himself be there. That’s all Charlie expected of him these days, just to show up and be there. He kicked the cover with more force than necessary and got up with exaggerated gesticulations, if only to get the message across to his body that they were waking up now. Snapping his fingers, he restored the bed to an unslept-in condition.

There. No going back in. 

He slipped out of his duck pajamas and into his usual attire but decided to forgo the coat and the hat. He looked less put together that way, but he wasn’t in the mood to feel constricted and it wasn’t as though his image could get worse than it already was in any case. He washed his face and risked a glance in the mirror that he immediately regretted.

He looked terrible. Not old, exactly, not in the human sense of the term. Instead he looked… faded. His cheeks and lips devoid of colour, his hair, eyebrows and eyelashes almost platinum instead of golden. He was like a dried flower forgotten in an empty vase, discolored and dusty. Fragile. Like he would disintegrate from the gentlest gust of wind. He knew himself to be durable, but even his immortal body wasn’t immune to years of neglect without showing the signs.

He stepped out of his room with more caution than should be warranted for someone going down for breakfast in what was for all intents and purposes his own home.

He probably looked like he expected the floor to open under his feet and swallow him, or the sky to fall on his head, and in a sense that wasn’t so far from the truth. If Lucifer had learned anything from those past two months, it was that reality couldn’t be trusted anymore. And that danger was everywhere.

They’d been attempting to engage a group of sinners in a bonding activity when it all started. It had involved dolls, he remembered because he’d admittedly been less put off by it than a self respecting adult ought to have been. Thought that was hardly surprising coming from a man who played make believe with his ducks on a daily basis.

Only he didn’t make his ducks go to therapy and confess their deepest traumas to one another.

Husk had been seated on the couch, looking resigned to his fate while Angel Dust thoroughly defiled his doll with his own next to him. Niffty had been running around the couch for about twenty minutes to catch a particularly large cockroach so that her doll could walk it on a leash like a little dog. Even Alastor had been present, sitting primely across from him and holding his own doll between the claws of his thumb and forefinger as though it was diseased. And Lucifer had thought to himself that the Radio Demon may have been more invested in the activity if he'd been given permission to transform the toy into a likeness of his enemies and stab it with pins. 

His musings had been cut short by the sound of an explosion so strong it had shaken the very foundation of the hotel. Alarmed, his mind had jumped to the most obvious and terrible conclusion: Heaven.

He’d quickly dismissed the idea however, breaking past his wards so easily would have been an incredible feat. Doing it without alerting him would be nothing short of impossible. Not to mention they now had allies on the other side, loyal friends who surely would have found a way to warn them of an attack. And there was the treaty.

 No, whatever that had been had started in Hell. For several seconds Pentagram city had been uncannily quiet, and then the screaming had begun. Not everywhere at once, instead it had resembled a wave, originating somewhere in the entertainment district and slowly making its way towards the hotel. Towards them. Leaving its occupants less than five minutes to brace themselves for the attack of what could only be a fearsome foe. 

They hadn’t known. Couldn’t have imagined that the danger wouldn't come from the outside. It’d come from within. 

They called it the The Turning,  but the culprit was otherwise known as Lentivirus Papilio, an airborne retrovirus engineered in V-tech. A group of aspiring overlords had launched an attack on the V-Tower that damaged the left wing of their ridiculously unprotected and unregulated “secret” labs, allowing the virus to be released in the environment. Free to infect any pitiful soul that had the misfortune of finding themselves in its path.

Except it didn’t infect just anyone.

As they had discovered later on, the virus targeted the specific phenotype of sinners who possessed animal traits. The cause wasn’t well understood, but it had been theorized that the difference in the immune response between sinners with animal characteristics and the rest could largely be attributed to genetic variants.Whatever the targeted sinners lacked, it allowed the virus to evade their immune system.

The virus was resistant to any cure so far, durable in the environment and incredibly fast, the first symptoms could appear mere seconds after the initial infection. But its most baffling attribute was its sheer unpredictability. 

After an infection a virus typically inserts its own DNA into the cells of its victim, diverting their well oiled factory-like systems and forcing them to produce more viruses. Lentivirus Papilio was different, it changed its host. Using the sinners’ and its own genetic code, the virus instructed the body’s natural machinery to induce a transformation. It could lead to anything from a fluctuation of hormone levels to an alteration of the bone density and endocrine system. There was no way to know in advance which genes would be expressed, and at which degree.

As Lucifer stalked down the corridors he recognized two familiar shapes.

"Hi Torvis!" He greeted with more enthusiasm than he felt as he passed them down the corridor. 

"Hello, Your Majesty," the Torvis replied in perfect unison. 

Torvi had been one of the first guests to request being admitted to the hotel after the battle with Heaven. She'd been mostly silent and mistrustful but polite enough, and if not for her grayish complexion and severely misaligned eyes no one would have suspected she shared a part of her genetic code with a planarian worm.

Her Turning had been a prime example of the instability of the virus because she hadn't seemed affected by it at all for weeks. Falsely leading them to believe she'd been sparred.

It would have remained that way indefinitely, had she not encountered the teeth of a piranha demon who'd bitten her forearm clean off while she was out collecting some gems for her collection. She'd come requesting Lucifer's help to sew it back, looking remarkably unbothered for someone who was holding their own severed body part. They'd been alarmed enough when the limb actually grew back, but the real shock had come when Vaggie noticed a strange outgrowth on the bleeding, discarded arm. It kept getting bigger and bigger until they'd all understood with no small amount of disgust what it was: A foetus.

It only took twenty minutes before there was a fully formed, naked, equally cross-eyed second Torvi attached to the previously lifeless appendage. She'd been perfectly coherent and upon questioning her they'd discovered she'd had identical memories to Original Torvi up until the moment she'd lost her arm. Before anyone could raise any concerns about the practical and philosophical implications of this unexpected cloning Original Torvi had taken Second Torvi by the hand and the two had silently walked away, naturally falling into steps with one another.

Now they were never seen without each other, and no one knew who the original Torvi was anymore.

He thankfully didn’t run into anyone else on his way to the kitchen, which was fortunate because in his current state he wasn’t above hiding behind the curtains or running away. 

In the end he did use magic to prepare his pancakes, breathing life into the utensils and ordering them around like a conductor. It didn't feel as gratifying as doing it the human way.

Like he was cheating somehow.

Still, simply being present outside of his room was already draining him from most of his energy and he didn't have any left to deal with menial tasks that required concentration. He did wonder if he should make some for the others as well, but ultimately decided against it. The last thing he needed was to make everyone uncomfortable by offering something no one would want to eat. 

He took a deep, calming breath before exiting the kitchen and joining the others in the dining room. The majority of the hotel's occupants had already vacated the premises, but a small group composed of Charlie's closest acquaintances remained. The Red Menace was also missing from the picture, to Lucifer's immediate relief. They were all already seated and chatting with one another and he really wished he had found the motivation to get out of his room sooner. Arriving late only drew more attention to himself and to his utter mortification the entire table turned to him.

"Um...Hello." He tried, not addressing anyone in particular and clutching his plate of pancakes like a shield.

"Dad, hello! We didn't expect to see you! " Charlie exclaimed, not unkindly, as she got up and made her way to him. She took him by the hand, and guided him gently to where she and Vaggie had been seated at the head of the table. The fallen Angel was placed at her right and she swiftly cleared the unoccupied space to her left that had been cluttered with notes and colorful drawings.

"Have a seat! Most of the guests already ate but take all the time you need to finish your breakfast. We've been discussing possible accommodations for those who are most impacted by the Turning. You're welcome to participate if you want to," Charlie explained, and it didn't escape him that it was a cleverly worded way of offering to include him in the conversation without putting any pressure on him.

Lucifer sat down, grateful that she eased the way for him, and the tension surrounding the table melted back to a comfortable domesticity. 

"Hello Sir," Vaggie offered, her smile hesitant but sincere. Lucifer gave her permission to use his first name long ago, but he was aware that for someone as reserved as the former exorcist formality was less about decorum than it was about setting boundaries. Insisting would mean forcing her into a level of familiarity she wasn't comfortable with without having earned it. 

"Hi Vaggie," he replied, putting emphasis on her own name. He'd called her Maggie for an entire month after their first meeting and he was still mortified about it. Even more so because she apparently felt so sorry for him she didn't even attempt to correct him 

"Hey Short King!" Angel Dust greeted him from a few seats away. "You alright? You kinda look like a gho- ow!" He protested as Husk who was seated next to him elbowed him in the ribs with a disapproving look. In his peripheral vision he noticed that his daughter also tensed.

"What?! Even when he looks like death warmed over he's still prettier than all of us combined..." He complained and made a show of massaging the offended area. 

"I'm fine Angel, thank you for asking." He replied with a shy smile, trying to get across that he wasn't offended.

Well, it stung. But he's not wrong.

"Anytime beautiful~" The spider demon cooed and batted his lashes in his direction. "Ow-!" He repeated as Husk elbowed him a second time.

Angel Dust’s Turning had been almost ironic. None of them had had the slightest idea of how the virus worked and Angel, still asymptomatic and bound by his contract, hadn't had any choice but to show up at the studio the next morning.

Lucifer himself had spent the entire day moping in his room, ashamed of his retreat but nonetheless incapable of mustering the energy to do anything at all after dealing with the initial panic the day before.

He'd emerged in the late afternoon, only to learn that Angel had decapitated all his co-stars with a pair of powerful chelicerae that definitely hadn’t been a part of his mandible before. The spider demon had been shaken, but it had taken another flirting attempt with a guest later that evening for them to link the unexpected rampages with sexual cannibalism commonly displayed by female spiders, despite Angel being male himself. 

Unbeknownst to them at the time was the fact that Valentino was in no position to force his employee to fulfill his part of the deal, having been stuck in chrysalis form since the day of the outbreak.

As souls were nontransferable neither Vox nor Velvette could requisition his contract to act on his behalf. No one came for Angel the next day, nor any day since and the spider demon had been instructed to keep all his interactions with others strictly platonic until further notice.To his absolute dismay. 

“What!? I can’t even give compliments now?” he whined in Husk’s direction, but the bartender seemed completely unsympathetic to his woes.

“Oh poor you, forced not to act like a complete creep”, The bartender replied, rolling his eyes.

Maybe because his animal features had been more prominent than was typical for other sinners, though that was only a theory, Husk’s Turning had been the most harmless.And he only found himself subjected to endearing, if inconvenient, bouts of purring.

He had proven incapable of controlling them, and he’d felt so self-conscious it had taken a full week before he accepted to come out in public again. And if the purring seemed more perceptible when in close proximity with a sinner of the arachnoid variety no one dared mention anything about it. Lest the bartender decided he would prefer to spend the rest of his afterlife in a cabin in the woods. 

"Greetings Your Majesty! How delightful that you decided to grace us with your presence!" A filtered voice exclaimed from behind him and Lucifer froze.

Some irrational part of him wanted to keep facing the other way and pretend not to have heard. Unfortunately that only worked for the demons he wrestled with in the confines of his own mind, not for the annoyingly corporeal ones like the owner of the voice.

After a pause that was probably longer than was appropriate he slowly turned around and sure enough, he was greeted by Alastor’s disturbing smile. Lucifer shivered, feeling the sinner’s crimson gaze on his body like it was a physical touch, probing him for weaknesses. There was an unpleasant screech of feedback and the Radio Demon’s sadistic rictus widened to grotesque proportions as he took in his appearance. 

"My, don't you look awfully frail? If I didn't know any better I'd think you didn't get fed since the last time you were here, Your Highness!" He crooned with mock solicitude and the whole table went silent once more.

"Alastor..."Charlie halfheartedly warned but it was clear enough that she had no control over the Radio Demon whatsoever. They may work side by side but he didn’t take orders from her, nor anybody else.

"That's true! You can poof things into existence right? D’you do that for the meals too?" Angel inquired, and even Husk, who wasn't the prying sort, lifted a quizzical eyebrow in his direction. 

"Doesn't work that way for food, even for someone as powerful." Vaggie interjected and she too was now looking at Lucifer with a frown. He fidgeted in his seat, painfully aware of the glowing eyes that were still watching his every movement. 

"Sooo...how'd you eat then? If you don't come out of your room?" Angel insisted. 

"I-I don't..." Lucifer began but he honestly didn't know what he wanted to say. Or rather he knew what he wanted to say, but didn't like the conclusions they would make upon hearing it.

I don't want to talk about it. 

He wanted to tell them. But it sounded too much like he was trying to hide a major personal problem. Which he was, but that wasn't for all of Hell to know, especially not his daughter. His face was burning and he was feeling almost dizzy with stress and Charlie once again came to his rescue. 

"Guys, I think my dad didn't come down here to talk about his eating habits. How about we discuss an itinerary for Lux instead? He says he's getting tired of being wheeled around like a chihuahua in a stroller." She said in a semi joking tone and just like that everyone seemed to have forgotten about Lucifer and his concerning diet or lack thereof. 

Well, everyone except for Alastor who was now seated opposite him and observing him with rapt attention. The glowing red eyes followed his hands as he cut a small triangle in his tower of pancakes, and then his fork as he slowly lifted it to his mouth.

There was something wrong with Alastor. That much wasn't necessarily alarming, there was definitely something wrong with the sinner in general. So much wrong.

Only this was a new, uncomfortable kind of wrong. Their dynamic had changed in the recent months, though Lucifer would be hard pressed to pinpoint exactly how. There'd been no love lost between them before, that much was sure, but it'd felt like regular, healthy dislike if there was such a thing.  Nothing outwardly concerning.

He'd felt threatened by the demon in regards to his role in his daughter's life, certainly. But he hadn't felt unsafe in his presence prior to moving to the hotel and the outbreak of the virus, which coincidentally happened around the same time.

After the outbreak Alastor had taken to watching him, which had seemed fair enough. Since they'd believed anybody could be infected at the time and Lucifer was the most powerful being in the realm, all of Hell had been watching Lucifer. But when it became clear that he wasn’t part of the targeted demographic the watching didn't stop.

Instead it had seemed to increase exponentially, Lucifer would suddenly feel a shudder creep up his spine and without fault Alastor would be somewhere in the vicinity, following him with hungry eyes. And Lucifer could swear each time he'd turn around the sinner would be closer to him.

The most bizarre thing was Alastor didn't seem to feel the need to antagonize him anymore. He wasn't nice, by any stretch of the imagination. But he seldom talked to him and when he did it was with the same benevolent contempt he used with his contracted souls, imps or children. In essence : people he thought harmless. Even Vaggie, Charlie and sometimes Angel Dust were afforded more hostility than him these days, which was downright insulting.

Lucifer had to admit that the worst thing of all was the demon's apparent immunity to the virus.

Alastor manifested no symptoms so far. None. Instead he'd showed up the day after the outbreak and proceeded to be the pillar of strength Lucifer had always wished he could be for Charlie. Dealing with crisis after crisis with unwavering patience, resourcefulness and professionalism. Lucifer hated how it had added to the cloak of mystery surrounding his persona, making him appear more powerful and mysterious than ever. He hated how inadequate it had made him look in comparison.

No one even bothered to keep track of the Radio Demon's behaviour anymore, like they did with all the sinners with animal traits who displayed no symptoms. But it's Alastor, if someone can defeat the virus it's him, they'd said. Despite knowing better, despite having been proven over and over that when there were no symptoms there were usually two possibilities.

Either their Turning had been so inconsequential it barely affected the host, which so far had only happened with exceedingly weak demons. Or the circumstances for the change to occur didn't present themselves yet, like it's been the case for the Torvis. 

And when Alastor was concerned Lucifer was forced to entertain a third, more sinister possibility : that one could Turn and keep it hidden until they could use it to their advantage. Was it all it was about? Was there a new card in the Radio Demon's sleeve, so powerful it made him confident enough to prey on the King of Hell? Was that why he was stalking Lucifer like a Komodo dragon, relishing his vulnerable state? 

He had to suppress a wave of nausea as he placed the piece of pancake in his mouth. His stomach was in knots from the intense scrutiny he was subjected to, and he realized belatedly that this was way too rich. It's been almost a month since he'd had a real meal and a plate consisting exclusively of fast carbohydrates and fat was not a wise choice to break his uncontrolled fasting. He chewed carefully and risked a glance in Alastor's direction.

The sinner hadn't moved a muscle and was watching his mouth, his ears were twitching and turning in his direction and Lucifer wondered in horror if he was listening, as well. The piece of pancake turned doughy in his mouth and he swallowed with difficulty, feeling more exposed than he'd been in years. He thoroughly regretted having made pancakes, only it was the only thing he knew how to make by himself. 

When he’d lived in the palace he'd had servants to handle all his meals for him.And if he was honest with himself that included both cooking the meals and making sure he actually ate them.

He recalled a particularly mouthy imp named Portia who had decided he was in need of some serious mothering, and had never hesitated to hunt him down and force-feed him when it was necessary. When he'd moved to the hotel it hadn't felt right to take any of them with him. Mainly because the palace was their home and asking them to follow him would have felt too much like they were pieces of furniture, but also because he wanted to experience what a normal life with his daughter would be like. 

Away from the palace that felt more like a prison than a home. Away from Lilith's memory.

Which was all fine and dandy, until the subject of feeding himself arose. In theory the hotel's policy was that everyone should participate in meals preparation. In practice none of them could cook to save their lives, with a glaring exception who was currently smiling as though watching Lucifer struggle with his mouthful of pancake was the most amusing thing in the world. 

And that was a problem, he decided as he downed another forkful dripping with syrup, it was humiliating enough to have Alastor usurp his role in Charlie's life, putting him in charge of his meals too was simply out of the question. That was one of the reasons he started skipping lunch and dinner in the first place.

And then there's been the exhaustion due to the virus, and the self-loathing, and finally his body simply seemed to have forgotten how to receive food. He never talked about it to anyone, but somehow Lucifer was certain the Radio Demon was aware of all of this and the thought made him sick.

"Dad, are you ok?" Charlie inquired and it shook him out of his reverie. 

"Of course sweetie," Lucifer said, and shoved a bigger piece of pancake in his mouth to prove it to her, ignoring the protestation of his stomach. She didn't look convinced and waited until the others resumed their conversations before discreetly getting closer to his seat. 

"You don't have to finish you know, if it's too much." She said softly and Lucifer felt his face wilt with embarrassment. He couldn't help but glance at Alastor who was still focused on them. Wondering bitterly if he'd heard. Wondering if everyone else had noticed his behaviour, if they were talking about it behind his back. He felt sick and, humiliatingly his eyes started to prickle with tears of frustration. 

"It's just...it's a lot and I didn't-" he tried and Charlie gently squeezed his shoulder. 

"It's ok, Dad."

He nodded and got up stiffly, pointedly avoiding anyone's eyes before he hastily snapped his fingers to make the plate disappear and summoned a portal. He probably should have waited to be outside the dining room to save face, but it was probably too late for that and he wanted to be alone as soon as possible.

He stepped into the void, and the last thing he heard before it closed behind him was Angel's confused voice: "What just happened?" 

He crawled on the bed, not even bothering to take his shoes off. He was still nauseous and as he looked up at the ceiling he felt burning tears finally well up his eyes. 

Fuck the pancakes. Fuck the virus. Fuck Alastor. 

Fuck my life.  

***

Lucifer was startled awake by a knock at the door and was disoriented for several seconds, unsure if the sound had been real or if he'd dreamed it. 

He waited, but when he didn't hear anything else he silently got up and opened the door. There was no one behind it.

A dream then. Or a prank possibly. He was about to close the door when a flash of white on the floor got his attention. 

It was a duck. 

Or rather, a duck stuffed toy. All white except for its yellow beak and feet and surprisingly realistic for a plush animal. It was also almost as big as him, and looked incredibly soft. Perfect for cuddling. 

Charlie must have left it for him. To cheer him up after the breakfast fiasco. Lucifer smiled, his earlier troubles momentarily forgotten as he grabbed the overgrown bird by the wings and closed the door. He once again settled on the bed, dragging the duck under the cover with him and placing his head in it's fuzzy neck. It had a faint, comforting smell he couldn't quite place, and suddenly he felt very sleepy. 

He'll try again tomorrow, he decided. He owed Charlie that much.

Chapter Text

As it turned out, trying again was scarier than he anticipated. Warmed by Charlie's thoughtful gift and on the verge of sleep making himself that promise had been easy.Like resolutions always were when one didn't need to honour them immediately.

It rather felt like delegating an unsavoury task to another person, only he was delegating it to his supposedly better equipped future self. When the time came to actually do them however he found that as future (current) Lucifer he didn't exactly appreciate past Lucifer’s assumptions that things would be easier for him. They never were. 

Fuck you, past Lucifer. 

He made a fool of himself yesterday, he exchanged what probably didn't amount to three complete sentences, choked on some pancakes and ran back to his room with his proverbial tail between his legs.

There would be no saving face, there was no excusing his behaviour as a misunderstanding. Because who acted like that? Being too exhausted to eat wasn't normal, forgoing meals because he didn't want to interact with people wasn't normal, struggling to ingest three pathetic forkfuls of pancakes wasn't normal. 

And most of all crying because someone watched him eat wasn't normal.

He dreaded seeing Alastor again. Now that the Radio Demon saw for himself how easy it was to shatter his countenance the harassment will surely escalate. He dreaded seeing the other hotel guests too of course, because what must they think of having someone like him for a ruler?

But most of all he dreaded seeing Charlie. He knew she was too kind, too compassionate to think badly of him. He knew she'd never get angry and resentful over the endless list of things he should be doing for her. But somehow knowing she viewed him as too weak and pitiful to even be held accountable for his behaviour was even worse than her anger. The bar she set for him was, quite literally, in Hell. 

It’s not like you actually delivered the last time she asked for your help.

He glanced at Sir Caraduck and could almost swear there was sympathy in his beady black eyes. He could give him life like he did with the kitchen appliances. But for some reason the more closely the objects resembled actual sentient beings, the more wicked they turned out to be when he awakened them. And they all hated him.

 He recalled with a shudder the day he'd tried doing precisely that to his collection of duckies after Lilith’s departure, only for them to immediately stage an uprising against him. He'd been forced to destroy them all, and if word got out that the established government almost got overthrown by an army of rubber ducks he'll have more important problems on his hands than a flimsy virus. No. Sir Caraduck was better off being his fuzzy, non-lethal, inanimate self. 

He didn't know whether or not it was because of the stuffed toy but he felt slightly better rested than he did yesterday. He glanced at the clock and noted it was 8 o'clock. Not too late for breakfast then.

He was almost put out that he didn't overslept. He would have been disappointed in himself but at least the decision would have been taken away from him. His mind wandered to Charlie, unlike him she has always been a morning person, always waking up on the right side of the bed even when she was a child.

He would bet anything the Radio Demon too was an early riser. He seemed just the type, organized and productive, the perfect person to run a hotel. If one was willing to overlook the murders and the cannibalism. 

Beside him Sir Caraduck was observing him, unimpressed.

He's right, there's no use moping if I don't do anything about it. 

He got up, not bothering to make the bed and discarded yesterday’s clothings before heading to the shower.

He technically didn’t need it since his body was more or less incapable of producing anything that smelled bad. But somehow smelling of shower gel and shampoo made him feel less Other, as opposed to his own airy angelic smell.

He had started using popular brands when he moved to the hotel, in the hope that the other residents would associate him with something familiar should they catch a whiff of him. It was probably wishful thinking, but the products did smell nice and his mind was feeling clearer already. He dried himself and this time pointedly avoided the mirror before donning new clothes with a snap of his fingers, once again forgoing the coat and the hat. 

From the bed Sir Caraduck gave him an encouraging look.

“Wish me luck,” He told him, and he left the room. 

He didn’t come across the Torvis today, which was probably for the best. Trying to make eye contact with Original Torvi had been challenging enough, trying with two Torvis with four eyes all aimed in different directions was giving him anxiety. He made it to the lobby, thinking that he might be lucky enough not to run into anyone before entering the dining room when a voice stopped him right in his tracks.

“Hey shorty, would you mind lending me a hand?”

Lucifer had no trouble spotting the owner of the voice given his peculiar way of transportation and his bright orange colourings.

“Hello, Lux.” 

What most people had trouble understanding was that Lucifer’s magic wasn’t, well, witchcraft. There were lots of things he could do depending on his energy levels, but magic was still bound by laws. He couldn’t simply will things to happen out of nowhere, and that unfortunately applied to medicine too.

After the outbreak everyone had turned to him for a solution, because surely someone as powerful as him would be able to make a silly virus disappear with a snap of his fingers and three Alakazams.

Except it didn’t work that way, to get rid of something he had to pinpoint and isolate the cause. Healing someone after an injury required a lot of energy, but it was feasible enough since there was only the person’s own immune system to contend with. It was another thing entirely when there was an unidentified foreign object in the mix. Especially if it had a mind of its own and didn’t want to be removed.

Especially if it wasn’t even supposed to exist in Hell in the first place. 

Lentivirus Papillio, like all retrovirus, had to be integrated into the host’s cell’s genome, allowing it to replicate and coexist with its victim. If an infection by a parasite could ever be described as coexisting. The virus’ genome was essentially integral to the host’s and there was no removing one without harming the other. But they hadn’t known all of this at the very beginning; and Charlie’s and the hotel’s focus had been firmly set on mitigating the damages. 

And so two weeks after the outbreak his daughter, sleep deprived and on the verge of  a nervous breakdown, had come seeking his help for the second time since Lilith left them both. 

There was a sinner with crab traits, she’d said, his entire lower half had been replaced with a thick exoskeleton and eight ambulatory legs. He could barely walk this way, his still human spine too fragile to support his weight and like the animal the virus was forcing him to emulate he was incapable of changing directions. His body was so massive they had yet to find a way of transportation that he could operate himself and in the meantime resorted to wheeling him around in a wagon. Completely robbing him of his autonomy.

It had been the most severe Turning they'd had so far.

Lucifer had tried explaining why this was dangerous. They didn't know what they were dealing with, Lucifer himself didn't know how his power would react and he had less control over them than they thought.

Surprisingly enough only Alastor had sided with him, stating that leaving the fate of the hotel’s residents to someone whose magic and emotional state were so unstable wasn’t the way to go about it. Lucifer had bitten his tongue, because as much as he was loath to admit it, people were more likely to listen to someone like Alastor than they were to listen to him. 

Still,Charlie hadn’t budged. 

“Dad, I’m not asking for much,” She’d said. “Just try, alright? Be there and try, anything at all.”

And he knew as he’d accepted to see the sinner that they were heading for disaster. Meeting the unfortunate guest had made things even worse of course, he’d pleaded as though the only thing that ever kept Lucifer from using his magic was because he was lazy. His desperation had felt unwelcome and suffocating. Suddenly the conversation hadn’t been about whether he could do something about it, but when and how he would do it.

The situation had rather felt like one of those dreams where he knew something terrible was going to happen but was nevertheless incapable of influencing the course of events. 

He’d understood within five minutes of reaching inside the sinner with his magic that something was wrong. He’d felt something that he knew shouldn’t be there. He’d probed at it from all sides with delicate golden tendrils, going from pathways to pathways until he’d realized it was everywhere.

It had felt unyielding but dormant at the beginning, deceptively docile. The attack of the immune system had felt accidental at first, the defense cells lightly nibbling and nudging at him in a way that had seemed almost playful. Then as more and more cells were recruited to the battle site the attacks had begun to sting and then burn, as the thing that had usurped the sinner’s body designated him as the enemy.

Blind with agony he’d struggled to free his magic from its grasping claws like one would try to escape from a bush of brambles. He’d woken up to what had sounded like a screaming match between Alastor and Charlie and the wails of pain of his patient. 

Unable to tell friend from foe the sinner’s immune system turned it’s attack on its own healthy tissues, leaving him with permanent damages to the nerve fibers that further hindered his mobility and gave him permanent chronic pain. 

The sinner had been Lux. 

"I mean, giving me a five meter lift is the absolute least you could do right ?" The sinner asked cheerfully, he was smiling but as always it didn't reach his eyes. 

"Of course, anything you need," Lucifer said, doing his best to avoid Lux's eyes as he took hold of the handle of the wagon and started pushing it through the lobby.

"Since you're offering I'd like my legs back and to not be in pain all the fucking time. But you did a number on me the last time and I wouldn't want to end up blind or brain dead, so thanks but no thanks!" Lux chuckled drily and Lucifer tensed. 

Lux was the type of person who would rather make inflammatory comments disguised as banter than actually communicate what he felt. It was obvious the sinner still hadn't forgiven him, but if Lucifer confronted him about it Lux would mock him for taking things so seriously, so he said nothing at all. He pushed the wagon a bit faster, resisting the urge to simply open a portal to the dining room and toss the sinner inside. 

The relief he felt at being free of Lux was short-lived because the dining room was positively swarming with people, and Lucifer broke out in a cold sweat. 

He made eye contact with Charlie who was once again placed at the top of the table. She looked pleasantly surprised for a moment before she noticed Lux and understanding dawned on her. Alastor who was seated across from his daughter had also spotted him. His manic smile widened and he actually got up, looking as though he was about to say something and Lucifer turned on his heels and left the dining room. 

Nope. 

He was halfway through the lobby when he heard hurried footsteps behind him.

"Dad, wait up!" Charlie called after him.

"Oh, hi sweetie! I'm sorry I didn't stay to say hello but it looked a bit crazy in there," he said with a small laugh. As though being trapped in a room with one sinner he crippled for eternity and one who probably wanted to eat him alive was just a minor inconvenience.But Charlie didn't laugh and Lucifer sighed. 

"I didn’t like the way I left things yesterday so I wanted to try again, but it's still too much for me apparently," he explained, not bothering to hide the bitter quality of his voice.

"No ! No, don't say that. The intent alone is a very good first step but you do not have to make such a big commitment, you know ? We can work out ways for you to try again that will be less overwhelming." She told him, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. He didn't want her to find circuitous routes for him to do the bare minimum as an adult, he wanted things to be normal. He wanted to be normal.

 He couldn't exactly tell her that, though. 

"What would that look like exactly?" He inquired.

"How about that, you come down for lunch-" she began, and when she noticed he was about to protest she raised a placating hand. 

"Let me finish, and then you can tell me if you feel up for it or not. You come down for lunch, lunchtime for the guests starts at twelve thirty but the staff actually eats at eleven thirty. It'll be calmer, just our little crew like in the beginning. And if you start feeling overwhelmed you can just portal back and no one will think it's weird." She offered. 

"But...your hotelier is cooking, isn't he?" Lucifer had to ask, despite his embarrassment.Now that he vocalized it it felt like a ridiculous thing to focus on.

"Yes, Alastor is cooking. For us in any case, we actually hired a chef to handle the food for the guests since I didn’t want to put too much of a strain on him. But don't worry, I promise he won't bother you, no one will. You don't have to think about anything, except showing up." She said, sounding heartbreakingly hopeful. 

Showing up. 

I can do that. 

“Okay, I’ll be there,” he relented, resisting the urge to say something along the lines of I will try to be there because he should be able to agree to such a simple plan without giving himself an out. 

Her smile, unapologetically happy and carefree, reminded him of when she was a child, when things were simpler and they were each other’s best friends.Despite his anxiety it was easy for him to return it, and he hesitantly reached up to tuck a loose strand of golden hair behind her ear. 

“Later Char-Char,” Lucifer said. 

“Later Dad,” she chuckled, her smile wider than ever. 

When he stepped back in his room Sir Caraduck was still waiting for him on the bed, looking expectant. 

“I didn’t give up alright? It’s just delayed…” he explained defensively as he climbed back into the bed. He set an alarm for eleven twenty on his phone and buried his face in his soft neck,  and he couldn’t shake the feeling that he knew that scent.

***

He stood in front of the door of the dining room and once again regretted having agreed to it, it seemed his grudge towards past Lucifer was becoming something of a theme. 

Fuck you, past Lucifer. 

Charlie had advised him one day to try asking himself what was the worst that could happen whenever he felt reluctant to do something. Most of the time people discovered the worst case scenario actually didn’t seem that bad once they’d thought about it, she’d said.Lucifer must be doing it wrong, because each time he thought about the worst thing that could happen he’d discover new over the top scenarios to scare himself with, each one somehow worse than the last. 

Sighing he pushed the doors open, and his nostrils were immediately assaulted with the smell of spices, hanging heavy in the air. 

As promised only the crew was present, they were still taking their seats. Angel was lifting Niffty by the armpits to place her on a makeshift highchair consisting of books and pillows as Husk collapsed on his own chair beside him and Lucifer briefly wondered if the cat sinner was aggravated all the time or if it was just his face. Charlie enthusiastically gestured to him to join her and Vaggie at the same spot he occupied yesterday. He was making his way to them when he noticed Charlie gaze apprehensively at something above his head. Puzzled, he was about to turn around only to nearly have a heart attack when a high pitched screech of feedback resounded in the air and an annoyingly familiar voice loudly exclaimed:

“Why, hello Your Majesty!”

When one had the ability to fly the expression jumping out of one’s skin took all it’s meaning, and he actually manifested his wings to jump away from the source of the ruckus whose smile was suddenly several centimeters smaller than usual. From the corner of his eye he saw Charlie give Alastor a pointed look and the hotelier looked almost sheepish with his ears slightly pinned back against his skull. It was as though Lucifer was a feral kitten they were trying to socialize and the Radio Demon had just spooked him with a vacuum cleaner. 

“I-my apologies, Your Majesty. It wasn’t my intention to startle you, please be seated.” Alastor said, his voice distinctly softer and his static reduced to a minimum.

So he is capable of sounding normal then.

 Asshole. 

Lucifer cast him a sour look but didn’t respond as he made his way to his daughter.. When he turned around the sinner had already disappeared in the kitchen.

“Hi everyone,” he said. He received little waves from Husk and Vaggie, but Angel was already coquettishly wiggling his fingers in his direction. 

“Hi, dollface,” The sinner purred, and Lucifer noted that his smile when he skillfully dodged Husk’s elbow looked a lot more genuine than the seductive one he’d just given him. 

Huh.

To his right he noticed Niffty looking at him curiously with her huge, bright orange eye and Lucifer thought she looked rather sweet for a sinner.

“Your face is pretty, I want to Punch ! Punch ! Punch!” the little maid told him with a conspiratorial smile as she slammed the back of her spoon repeatedly on the table to illustrate her point.

Nevermind. 

“Niff you didn’t understand the assignment did you, we’re trying to make him stay, not run away !” Angel reprimanded her and she looked at Lucifer with such a desolate expression he was almost tempted to let her punch his face if it made her feel better. 

“No! No no no no! The pretty king can’t leave, everything will be terrible… I won’t punch, I promise!” she pleaded.

“It’s ok, Niffty. I’m not leaving,” he tried smiling at her but it was probably more of a grimace. She terrified him a little. 

“So…if I don’t punch, can I lick?” she asked. 

“ Ew, Niff stop it!”

If he excluded the part where they discussed whether his face should be licked or punched the whole interaction felt a bit…anticlimactic. None of the sinners seemed like they wanted to engage with him about what happened yesterday, or even to think about it.

They surely knew there was something wrong with him and he knew that they knew, and they knew he knew that they knew. And yet no one had said a word, or hinted at how ridiculous and abnormal he had acted.It frustrated him for some reason, like he almost wanted someone to confront him about it and tell him to do better than that. Instead it rather felt like they had simply… accepted it. It felt  a bit anticlimactic. 

Alastor reappeared with half a dozen shadow minions trailing after him carrying plates, pitchers filled with what looked like lemon and mint flavored water, a salad bowl and a massive dutch oven with unknown content.

As Alastor took the seat opposite from him and his minions started serving everyone Lucifer noted dejectedly that the dutch oven was filled with something rice based and fragrant that also looked incredibly heavy and spicy. 

Ironically he could scarcely handle spicy food on good days, despite being the Devil, but trying now when he couldn't even keep down pancakes was quite literally a recipe for disaster. He felt something gently tug on his sleeve and as he looked down he noticed a shadow minion, smaller than the rest and almost cute with his colorful buttons for eyes, though one of them looked like it needed a bit of mending. The little creature surreptitiously pushed a white bowl into Lucifer’s hand before disappearing.

Upon looking inside Lucifer noted it was some sort of soup, definitely not the same thing the others had been served and his mind was reeling. Did the sinner serve him something else to humiliate him by implying he was unworthy of his cooking? Or… 

Is it poisoned? 

No toxin could kill him of course, but some could make him absolutely miserable for several days, which he would prefer to avoid.

He inspected the dish. It looked harmless enough, bite sized chicken pieces and orzo pastas in a golden broth. There were also vegetables floating around, baby spinach, diced bell pepper, carrot and celery and what looked like fresh chopped rosemary on top. He bent over slightly, noting that it smelled as good as it looked and his mouth watered despite himself. He glanced at Alastor who was looking at him expectantly, his smile tense and his eyes and ears following each of his movements with rapt attention.

Lucifer looked questioningly at Charlie, and his daughter gave him an encouraging smile. Surely she wouldn’t let him get poisoned? He spooned a bit of the soup and brought it to his mouth. 

It was delightful, the broth was lighter than he’d expected, perfectly seasoned and a bit citrusy. The meat was tender, and the vegetables were cooked enough as to not be indigestible, but not overcooked enough to be mushy. Most of all it was soothing and comforting. He felt a surge of gratitude when he realized it was a rather small portion he’d have no trouble finishing, which freed him from the additional pressure of having to overeat to avoid waste or suspicion.

Each time Lucifer would glance up the sinner would quickly avert his gaze and join another conversation, as though he was afraid Lucifer would stop eating if he noticed he was being observed. Which was partially correct. 

They all finished their meals in companionable silence and when the minions came back to collect the empty dishes Lucifer felt pleasantly full and warm. Finishing a meal was hardly something an adult should be proud of, but he found he didn’t care. When the little minion came requesting his bowl he gently smiled at it and with a twirl of his finger sewed back the button that was threatening to fall off. The creature carefully touched its eye and cocked its head at Lucifer before disappearing silently.

“So…” He heard Angel begin as he was exiting the dining room with Husk. “Movie tonight? I’m bringing the snacks,” he offered. “I mean, it’s probably gonna be boring as fuck since I can only watch PG 13 stuff but-”

He was interrupted in his ramblings by a purring sound so loud Lucifer could almost feel it on his skin despite being several feet away. He turned to the direction of the sound and saw Husk looking up at Angel with an embarrassed but shockingly open expression. What was even more surprising was Angel’s reaction. Judging from his general attitude Lucifer would have thought he’d be ecstatic but instead he looked deeply uncomfortable, his whole body language exuding rejection as he took a step away from the bartender.

“You know what, nevermind. You’re probably busy anyway.Hell, I’m busy. Maybe next time!” and he walked away, leaving Husk at the entrance of the lobby.The purring had stopped and while it was difficult to tell because he always looked so sullen Lucifer thought he looked…resigned. Crushed. 

Almost nothing happened, but somehow he felt he had been privy to something deeply intimate and he felt embarrassed at having overheard it.

Charlie and Alastor were also leaving the dining room, and Lucifer walked up to them, forcing himself to address the Radio Demon and not his daughter. He tried ignoring the almost ravenous way the sinner’s piercing eyes were observing him, as though to make up for the time he averted his gaze during lunch. 

“The soup was good. Thank you,” Lucifer almost whispered, his cheeks burning with humiliation. 

Alastor’s static crackled, something he had never heard it do before and the sinner looked so restless that for a moment Lucifer thought he was was going to attack him. Instead he seemed to reign in whatever indecipherable, twisted emotion he was experiencing and slightly bowed.

So very creepy. 

“You are very welcome, Your Highness,” he replied, and while it was probably physically impossible for him to not sound patronizing, his voice was somehow less grating than usual. 

“Later, Char-Char,” he told her with a smile, and it felt like a satisfying rewind to their earlier conversation when things had felt so uncertain. Charlie seemed to think so too, because she reached for his hand and squeezed it gently. 

“Later, Dad,”she replied, and she let him go. 

Feeling lighter than he did in weeks he opened a portal to his room. Sir Caraduck will surely be proud of him.

Chapter Text

When something good happened most people were happy about it, and that was it. Lucifer didn't escape the rule, he too was happy when good things happened to him. Only for him the phase of happiness was ridiculously brief and immediately followed by a phase of "Okay, I'm Good" paralysis.

He tried something different and everything went well. That was nice. However, keeping on trying meant keeping on giving himself opportunities to ruin everything. And all he wanted right now was to bask in yesterday's admittedly small victory and be done with social interactions for another three months. 

But that probably hadn't been Charlie's intent when she invited him to lunch, she probably expected things to get better after this, not stagnate or regress. 

He didn't know what better would look like though, did she expect him to show up for lunch everyday from now on ? Did she expect him to show up for every meal ? Was Alastor's suspicious thoughtfulness with the soup an exceptional occurrence, and he'll have to be subjected to his spicy cooking the next time he comes down? 

There were plenty of things that drained him of his energy, most of them unavoidable. But one thing in particular had no business being this exhausting and it was the uncertainty. Not knowing how his days would play out, what would be expected of him, and at present, what he should eat. 

His records in decision making were abysmal at best, the only choice he ever made for himself had been to give free will to humanity. 

Look how well that turned out. 

All the rest, The Fall, being chained to a desolate wasteland that was feeding on his energy like a gigantic parasite, being made the monarch of the very souls that had betrayed his trust. All of it had been forced upon him. 

But in the midst of all the chaos and vacillation Lilith had been there. He’d been the one with actual powers, but she'd handled all the decision making. From the most sensitive affairs of State to the mundane details of everyday life. 

She'd told him what he should say, what he should wear, when and what he should eat. He hadn't been happy with all the decisions she'd made on his behalf. In fact he hadn't been happy with most of them. But despite the loss of his autonomy, despite the humiliation, despite the nagging feeling that some of the decisions she'd made had been wrong, it had been freeing. Freeing to not have to decide anything at all when he could barely breathe with all the noise in his mind. It had enabled him to focus his meager strength on things that were vital. Like caring for Charlie, like keeping Hell powered up by acting like a glorified battery.

He'd been grateful for her. 

Then Lilith took their daughter and walked out of his life, then disappeared altogether. 

Some people said the best way to teach someone how to swim was to toss them into a body of water. It was instinctual, they claimed, you never know what you are capable of until you have no other choice. 

But Lucifer had been tossed into a body of water, and he had drowned.

The task of keeping him in a semi functional state had fallen to the palace servants and the task of running Hell in his place had fallen to the Sins. For several years it hadn’t felt like Hell even had a ruler anymore. He’d slept a lot, only waking to eat the meals Portia prepared for him and work on childish inventions that never amounted to anything. 

Sometimes when sleep eluded him he laid in bed, torturing himself with what his passiveness could have cost him. He thought about what would have happened if Charlie hadn’t called him that day to ask for a meeting with Heaven. His only child would have gone to war unprepared, alone, and he would have been none the wiser until the treaty was broken and his daughter was either hurt or dead. 

He rolled on his stomach and turned his head towards Sir Caraduck who was propped on the bedpost like he was meditating. 

“What am I going to do?” Lucifer asked him, and Sir Caraduck looked at him placidly and stayed stubbornly silent. 

“You’re not a very good therapist. Or maybe you’re a very good one?” He mused.

Maybe I really should get out of here before he starts talking back.

Then there was a knock at the door, and he recognized the pattern. Five successive knocks. 

Charlie. 

“Dad?” she called. “Dad, are you awake?” 

He snapped his fingers and the ornate golden door opened to reveal his daughter who stepped gingerly into the room. 

“Dad, we need to talk.” 

***

This time Lucifer carefully looked on all sides before stepping into the lobby, mainly to make sure he wouldn’t run into Lux again but if he could avoid all the sinners it would be just as well. He’d promised Charlie that he’d show up, not that he would spontaneously transform into a social butterfly. 

Their conversation had started with Charlie sitting on the bed and telling him “don’t be upset.” Apparently she was unaware of the universal truth that there was no surer way of upsetting someone than to tell them not to get upset. 

She’d been delicate when broaching the subject though, speaking in vague terms such as issues, circumstances and difficulties instead of calling the problem what it was, mindful of his skittishness when it came to labels of any kind.

That’s when she’d exposed her idea: seeing as he’d responded well to having the responsibility of deciding his schedule taken from him, then that was what they should do for the time being. “Only until you’re strong enough to have a bit more autonomy. ” She’d added upon seeing his burgeoning panic. 

He would come for lunch everyday at eleven thirty, and they would go from there. 

He could try to come for breakfast or dinner too, but lunch was non-negotiable. Should he be too tired to see anyone, then he would have to accept to have his meals brought to him in his bedroom. 

And once a day, he’ll have to participate in a group activity of Charlie’s choosing. She’ll be here the whole time, she’d assured him, and she would not put him in a situation she knew he couldn’t handle. If at any point he was uncomfortable, he was allowed to leave and she wouldn't hold it against him. And he will have two "cheat days", when he could choose to abstain from doing anything at all, so he wouldn't feel pressured or overwhelmed. 

All the while she'd assured him that there was nothing wrong with him, and he'd nodded. Not because he'd agreed, there was definitely something wrong with him. But if he told her that she would attempt to make him change his mind and he didn't want her to. He didn't want to give himself the opportunity of believing her. 

You just have to show up.

And so here he was, showing up. He pushed the door of the dining room and was greeted with a scene that was almost identical to yesterday. Vaggie and Charlie sitting at the head of the table, Angel Dust trying to wrestle Niffty into her makeshift highchair, the only thing he noted was different as he approached the table was that Husk and Angel’s chairs seemed to have been pushed further apart. And judging from the bartender’s dejected expression and dropping ears it hadn’t been his idea.

Suddenly Lucifer remembered what or who happened to him yesterday while he was making his way to his seat and turned around perhaps a bit too dramatically. 

Alastor was smirking knowingly as he towered over him with his arms behind his back. 

“Greetings, Your Majesty!” he exclaimed, and Lucifer begrudgingly noticed that he seemed to have learned yesterday’s lesson because both his voice and static seemed to have lowered in volume when addressing him.

“Hello.” Lucifer replied through gritted teeth before going to his seat as fast as possible without looking like he was running away from him.

Since he couldn’t eat the same thing as everyone else for the time being and would probably need his peculiar tastes to be taken into consideration at some point he’d reasoned he should summon a cook from the palace. It hadn’t been the plan, and it would seem excessive and ridiculous that he should hire someone to cook for him individually, but it was better than whatever he’s been doing until now. 

“That’s what I was thinking of doing at the beginning, but that won’t be necessary.” Charlie had said a bit too nonchalantly, like she'd been trying to act as though it wasn’t a big deal in the hope that he wouldn’t ask. 

So of course he’d had to ask.

Surely the hotelier already had enough responsibilities, he'd told her, surely she couldn’t ask him to cater to his specific needs too when he was already cooking for everyone else.

“Actually, Dad, he’s the one who insisted.” She’d explained with ni inflection in her voice, before getting up. Indicating the conversation was over before he could argue.

“I-Can you ask him to make the same thing as yesterday?” He’d blurted, before blushing furiously. He'd meant to refuse the sinner's help, not make a request.

“Of course Dad, I’m sure he’d be happy to.” Charlie said, looking oddly pleased.

Lucifer had kept himself from snorting, because happiness was probably the last thing on the demon’s mind when he'd agreed to help him. It was a self-serving power grab, like probably everything he did. And Lucifer had just accepted to be indepted to him.

“By the way, that’s a nice duck you have here,” she’d said, gesturing at Sir Caraduck as she was heading through the door.

It wasn’t from her. 

Then who ? 

Lucifer wasn’t aware he spaced out until he felt a small tug on his sleeve and lowered his eyes. It was the same shadow minion as yesterday, with his colourful buttons for eyes and carrying the same white bowl. 

“Thank you,” he smiled at it and the creature mutely gestured to the bowl and pantomimed eating its content, rubbing its belly and nodding its head. Lucifer chuckled.

“Yes, I will.” He confirmed and the minion walked away, looking satisfied. 

The soup looked and smelled exactly the same as yesterday. It was the same meat, the same vegetable, the same broth, the same chopped rosemary on top, even the quantity seemed the same down to the millimeter. You could say anything about Alastor, but the man paid attention to details. As he put the spoon in his mouth he noted it tasted the same, too, which filled him with a surprising sense of calm.

He was aware that Alastor was looking at him, but decided not to care. The radio Demon's static had lowered to a background noise that was strangely soothing, reminiscent of rainfall. And Lucifer was thankful that no one attempted to talk to him as he enjoyed a meal for the first time in months, eating in a nearly meditative state.

When the shadow minion came back it looked oddly bashful, fidgeting from side to side before handing Lucifer something. It was a tiny bow, the same inky color as its body.

“Oh. You want me to stitch it back?” he asked. The minion nodded enthusiastically and Lucifer casted a disdainful look at its master who apparently couldn’t be bothered to take better care of his possessions. Then again, judging by the state of his coat, maybe sewing wasn’t exactly his strong suit. 

With a wave of his hand he attached the bow back to the little neck, making sure to use a bright green thread like the one that was holding the creature together like some sort of voodoo doll. The minion pulled on the bow, apparently pleased with how secure it was. 

“You look very handsome.” Lucifer declared, and the minion accepted his bowl and walked away, looking all aflutter.

When he turned around he caught Alastor looking at him with a quirked eyebrow and Lucifer wondered if it was considered some sort of social faux-pas to call one’s rival’s shadow minion handsome. 

It’s not like there’s any other part of you that could be called that anyway. 

Then Charlie made her way to him and he forgot about him altogether. At least for now.

***

As much as it pained him to admit it Charlie had been right to suggest this activity as his first one. When she brought up couples sessions he hadn’t been convinced at all. One of her best selling points was that there was no way Lux would participate in something like this, even for the purpose of making Lucifer uncomfortable. She also assured him that it was frequent for single people to attend too, and that sharing his experience would be appreciated but not mandatory. 

Besides since couples, especially monogamous ones, were so rare in Hell there was hardly anyone attending these sessions. In fact there was only one other couple besides Charlie and Vaggie themselves. The rest of the group included Alastor, who was unfortunately a non-negotiable fixture in every group activity, and Angel Dust who was surprisingly Husk-less today. 

“Husk isn’t with you?” Lucifer inquired as Angel perched himself on the back of the couch.

“Nah, I’m sure he’s got better things to do than to come with me to listen to some sappy couples talk about their lives.” The spider demon told him, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. 

Lucifer refrained from telling him that Husk would probably follow him anywhere if Angel asked him.

“What are you doing here anyway? You’re not in a relationship." Lucifer pointed, realizing too late that Angel could ask him the same question.

“I’m here for the drama sweetheart! ” He replied, as though going to a group session designed for couples in the hopes that they will argue in public was a perfectly normal thing to do.

He'd actually never heard of his daughter and Vaggie's first meeting. In fact he'd only discovered that Vaggie was a fallen angel during the battle, because she'd been covered in injuries. He decided there and then he really should figure out a way to connect with his future daughter in law, seeing as she was probably the only person in Hell who could relate to him, and ironically one of the people he talked the least with.

He wasn't surprised that their love had grown from an act of kindness, Charlie would never have abandoned a person in need of rescuing.

Surprisingly enough Vaggie insisted on telling the story instead of Charlie, all the while looking at her like she hung the moon and the stars and Lucifer smiled. It was obvious they loved each other of course, but more importantly he could tell they supported each other, as equals.

Lucifer decided that it was because of this that they would succeed where he had failed. Loving someone was not enough, you had to also respect them. And Lucifer hasn't been deemed worthy of respect in a very long time. 

The second couple was Fen and Selina who were probably the first sinners he actually didn't believe deserved to be here. 

Selina had died saving a young woman from a rape attempt, taking her aggressor with her in Hell. Fen killed herself after losing her entire family in a car accident. 

 Selina was headstrong and exuded confidence, a stark contrast from Fen, who was gentle and soft-spoken. Together they owned the only flower shop in Pentagram city and had decided to check in the hotel at the same time after the battle. 

"It was love at first sight." Fen admitted. "But I didn't want to ruin our friendship, and I didn't believe someone like me could ever have a chance with someone like her," she glanced at Selina who lovingly pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. 

"I’m sorry for having been such an oblivious moron,” Selina told her. 

Fen had manifested in Hell sharing the DNA of a gentoo penguin, which was perceptible in her lovely black and white coloring and her bright coral lips. 

They both were already living in the hotel when the outbreak happened, and Selina had suddenly started finding rocks everywhere. Underneath her pillows, in her shoes, in her pockets, each lovingly polished and painted with exquisite floral designs. Suspecting her friend was the source of those strange offerings she’d borrowed a book on Spheniscidaes at the library, and had discovered that for gentoo penguins gifting a pebble was the equivalent of a marriage proposal. 

After she’d finished reading the book she'd ran outside to pick up the first rock she'd found on the ground before scrambling to the lobby where Fen had been attempting small talk with the then still Singular Torvi. She’d curtly placed the rock in her hand and upon understanding what it was Fen had thrown herself into her arms, to the perplexity of everyone present.

The end of the story was greeted with a collective aww. The only person unmoved being Alastor, who wasn’t participating in the conversation and was simply standing there like a particularly ugly and red scarecrow. 

“Thankfully the rocks stopped coming at some point. No offense babe, but I have probably enough rocks to rebuild the Great Wall of China,” Selina teasingly said, and Fen laughed softly. 

“Now that we’re together I don’t feel the need as much,” She explained, and Lucifer looked at her curiously. 

“You really couldn’t control it before?” he asked before belatedly wondering if that was an insensitive question somehow, if people who Turned suffered prejudices because of the misinformation circulating about them. Still, he’d wondered about the people whose Turning was more behavioural than physical, couldn’t they simply choose not to act on their instincts ? 

Thankfully Fen didn’t seem offended, but she pondered the question for a moment.

“It’s complicated. In my case it wasn’t like mind control or anything, I didn’t just black out and do things I didn’t want to do,” She explained, cautiously glancing at Angel. “And I tried to resist it at the beginning, but…I don’t know how to describe it but it was miserable, I was depressed and angry all the time, like I was denying myself something vital. I think it was even worse because it was something I’ve been wanting to do for so long as well. I only lasted two weeks before I gave in and I was really at the end of my rope. I can’t imagine anyone being strong enough to hold on more than that,” She concluded and Lucifer nodded, pensive. 

It made him sad to think that there were probably people whose Turning wasn’t as forgiving as Fen's and who were struggling to keep themselves from doing something unforgivable. 

“Well, that concludes today’s session everyone. Good job!” Charlie praised, and Lucifer sagged a little. It had been more pleasant than he anticipated, but that was the most social interaction he'd had in months and he was getting tired.

"Actually, I-I am really curious about your story, Your Majesty." She requested before blushing and averting her gaze, as though she feared she'd been impolite. 

"My story?" Lucifer asked, suddenly wary, wondering if she was planning on asking him to talk about The Fall.

"The story of how you met your wife? Yours is the original love story after all, it must have been very romantic?" Fen told him. Lucifer felt oddly flustered, his meeting with Lilith and the subsequent Fall from Heaven was rarely referred to as a love story. 

“Yeah dollface, give us the tea!” Angel encouraged him, resting his chin in two of his four hands. Even Alastor seemed interested, moving closer to the couch so he could loom over Lucifer with an inquisitive smile. 

“Do share, Your Highness, you wouldn’t want to disappoint your subjects I’m sure?” Alastor asked him with a hint of challenge in his voice.

“Actually guys, I think my dad has other things to do today. Maybe next time ?” Charlie intervened and Lucifer loved her fiercely for keeping her word about respecting his limits. Still, thanks to the Radio Demon it now felt like he would be letting all of them down by retiring without sharing anything. He looked at Angel’s expectant smile and Fen’s hopeful eyes and sighed. 

"Very well.” He capitulated. He gave Charlie what he hoped was a reassuring smile before clearing his throat. 

Where to begin?

“So, as you may know, romantic love didn’t exist before humanity was born. As angels we loved our Father and each other, but we weren’t made to pair bond like you do. But, unlike my siblings who were content to live their existence in quiet contemplation, I yearned for something else. As soon as they were created I was fascinated by the secret connection only humans would ever get to experience with one another." He began.

"You had siblings?" Selina asked .

"Of course, the other archangels. They are...were my brothers, we were created almost at the same time," he explained and Selina and the rest of the group were observing him with rapt attention, like they had forgotten the genesis of Lucifer’s life was very different from what any of them could ever begin to understand. Everyone tended to do that.

"And what about Lilith?" Fen inquired shyly.

Lucifer smiled, Fen looked just like Charlie when she requested he read her the same fairytale over and over as a child. She'd preferred love stories, of course, and each time he'd try to change some elements so it wouldn't get boring. But he always made sure they all had a happy ending.

Unlike this one.

"Lilith was the first human woman ever created. Adam's wife." His voice wavered and he realised it’s been years since he’d last pronounced Lilith's name out loud. He suddenly felt overcome with loss and struck mute.

"By all accounts, she must have been quite beautiful," Alastor offered, and he didn't know if it was by design but it snapped Lucifer out of his reverie. 

"Heartbreakingly so." Lucifer admitted. "And strong too, her potential was wasted on being Adam’s wife. I knew I was hers as soon as I saw her, and I thought I'd die if she wouldn't have me." He said, recollecting the desperate yearning he'd felt when he led his eyes on Lilith for the first time. Though he'd certainly heard of the problems she was causing prior to their first meeting.

Fen sighed dreamily as she rested her head on Selina's shoulder, who whispered "sap" in her ear. 

"How'd your first meeting go then?" Angel asked. "I bet you were all nervous and flustered." He winked and Lucifer felt himself blush. He self-consciously looked around to see if anyone was mocking him but saw nothing but curiosity. Only Alastor looked like he had just sucked on a lemon, and Lucifer rolled his eyes. If he didn’t want to hear about love then he shouldn’t have asked.

Serves you right. 

"I was," He chuckled softly. "I had a whole speech prepared but I was so nervous I kept forgetting what I was trying to say and it didn't make any sense. I think I compared her to a whale at some point." Angel snorted next to him and Fen was unsuccessfully trying to hide her giggles in Selina's shoulder.

Charlie's expression was wistful, it was probably the first time in months that anyone had mentioned her mother and Lucifer noticed she was leaning more heavily on Vaggie. He wondered if she missed her, or if like him her feelings were more complicated than that. 

"Anyway, by the time I was finished I was not only convinced that she wasn't interested, but that she probably thought I was insane. Instead she kissed me and she told me "yes, you'll do nicely "." He concluded and there was an uncomfortable pause before Alastor had to put his foot in his mouth.

"How romantic, Your Majesty," The Radio Demon exclaimed, his tone heavy with feedback and sarcasm.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Lucifer asked sourly. 

"Why nothing! I merely thought that by the end of your little tale your longing would seem a tad more… reciprocal." The sinner offered and Lucifer bristled but said nothing.

He'd felt so lucky when she said yes that he hardly thought about it at the time. And at least she'd been original, he’d reasoned, then again anything they could have said would have been original by virtue of being the first people to give and receive a love confession.

 But he'd noticed over the years that when they would talk about their first meeting she would relied a little too much on the act of the ingénue suffering the unwanted advances of a doltish suitor. She’d started adding commentaries to the story too, such as Well, it’s not like you left me any choice on the matter or To be honest I felt a bit sorry for you, dear.

Never in a cruel way of course, she would say this in a teasing tone and kiss his nose or his forehead, but after the first millennia Lucifer had decided he didn’t find it funny anymore. And each time he’d broach the subject she would accuse him of being too sensitive and would ask him if he left his sense of humour back in Eden. 

“Not every couple has the same way of proving their affection to one another.” Charlie offered, sensing her father’s unease, but Alastor apparently wasn’t willing to let it go. 

“Indeed? And what did the Queen do to prove her affection towards you? Something of incalculable worth no doubts, for you to have remained so certain she was the right person.” Alastor sneered. 

Lucifer hated that he didn’t have a suitable retort. And he hated that they all were looking at him with uncertainty.

“I-She stayed. She accepted how flawed I was and she stayed and she accepted the burden of ruling when I was…unable to.” He offered softly, more to himself than to the Radio Demon. In fact he didn’t realize he even said it at loud until he heard what sounded like a record scratch. 

“Did she indeed! If I understand correctly, the proof of her unwavering devotion towards you was to accept being granted free use of your powers and status while your body bore the consequences,” Alastor commented, and Lucifer froze. 

How does he know about that? 

Charlie clapped in her hand and suddenly Lucifer remembered the rest of the group was here. 

“Alright guys, why don’t we continue this session tomorrow? Maybe other couples will join and Dad, you can finish your story,” She declared. “Alastor. A word please.” She told the Radio Demon and he obligingly followed her.

“Phew! This was too much drama, and not the good kind...” Angel complained as he got up and stretched his long limbs.On the corner of his eyes Lucifer could see that Vaggie had remained seated and was watching Alastor walk away with her girlfriend like she wanted to go after him with her spear. Lucifer couldn’t say he blamed her. 

“We’ll be off too then!” Selina said, before getting up and helping Fen to her feet. Fen turned to Lucifer, her eyes full of guilt. 

“I’m very sorry Your Highness, it wasn’t my intention to make you relive bad memories,” she lamented. 

Was it what it looked like? Until now he’d thought all his bad memories were related to Lilith leaving, not Lilith being there .“It’s alright Fen, I’m sorry I proved to be such a bad storyteller,” Lucifer chuckled mirthlessly. 

“No! I’d be delighted to hear the rest ! I-I mean, if you are still willing of course.” She said hesitantly. 

He nodded but didn’t respond. Would he be willing ? He didn’t know about that, he was feeling numb and lethargic and couldn’t imagine wanting to talk to anyone at the moment. He jumped when he felt someone touch his arm, only to relax when he understood it was Vaggie. 

“Are you ok, Sir?” She inquired gently. 

“I don’t know Vaggie,” He replied honestly because lying to her would feel wrong, somehow. 

“I told Charlie this hijo de perra was going to cause problems, just say the word if he makes you feel uncomfortable. Charlie may trust him, but I don’t,” The fallen angel told him.

“I…thank you. I’ll remember it,” his smile was small but genuine. He was oddly comforted by the idea that Vaggie had his back. She looked at him as though she desperately wanted to tell him something else but apparently thought better of it.

“You should go rest,” she told him.

***

He was so exhausted he was even unwilling to use his energy to summon a portal, preferring to go back on foot instead. 

When he was out of sight in the hallway of his bedroom his earlier conversation about Lilith suddenly caught up with him and he realized his face was streaming with tears. A whimper escaped him before he could muffle it with his hand, the sound deafening in the silence of the corridor.

Suddenly he felt a familiar shudder creep up his back. He turned around, lighting fast, just in time to discover that Alastor was already two feet away from him. The Radio Demon recoiled slightly. Like a predator stopped in their tracks just as they were about to pounce on their prey.

Fuck. Not now.

Lucifer hastily wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeves and widened his stance. He had already noticed Alastor silently watching him from afar and generally lingering everywhere he was present like a bad smell. One particularly memorable evening the Radio Demon had turned his head a full 360° so he wouldn't lose sight of him when Lucifer had crossed the room, the motion producing a sickening crunch that still haunted his nightmares.

But he'd never gotten so close before, he'd never attempted to follow him to an isolated area. He was getting bolder. 

"What do you want? He asked him icily, hating that his voice sounded broken.

The tone seemed to snap Alastor out of his spell and the Radio Demon looked almost surprised. As though he hasn't realized that he wasn't invisible and that Lucifer could, in fact, see him. With his ears pinned against his skull, his wide eyes and the unnatural way he was tilting his head he looked almost feral. 

Something is not right.  

Lucifer's every senses were screaming in alarm and yet he found himself too confused and exhausted to know for sure what an appropriate response would be. How did they go from the mundane, if unfriendly, way they behaved towards one another to whatever this was? Had he misinterpreted something? Was following your rival around like a vulture considered a normal thing to do these days? 

Suddenly Alastor crossed the distance that separated them and looked at him with an expression that on anyone else would read as desperation, his eyebrows scrunched up and his smile twisted. To Lucifer’s horror he reached up with trembling clawed hands, as though going for his face. Or his neck. 

Without even registering his actions Lucifer summoned a portal just beneath his feet, and fell through it directly into his bed. He closed it even before reaching the mattress, in case the Radio Demon planned on following him. His wards would prevent him from entering by normal means, but he could still get in if he managed to slip in a portal.

What the fuck just happened.

Chapter Text

He glanced at Sir Caraduck who had been quarantined to the chair near his desk and was looking at him accusingly.

"Don't look at me like that," Lucifer pleaded. "I don't know where you came from and that changes things between us." 

He'd run at least twenty spells on him to make sure the toy wasn't cursed, enchanted, poisoned and didn't contain a recording device. All came back negative, it was a good quality but perfectly ordinary plush animal. 

At some point he’d even considered waking him up to ask him directly who brought him to Lucifer. But he didn't know how combative Sir Caraduck would be once sentient, and he really didn’t like the prospect of having to run away from a murderous duck that was almost as tall as him.

He'd already eliminated the people closest to him, though there weren’t many, because surely someone with whom he shared the appropriate level of familiarity would have left a note. Or better yet, gifted him the duck in person. He’d been stupid to automatically assume the gift was even from Charlie now that he thought about it.

That left the other residents of the hotel. He wasn't exactly on friendly terms with most of them and he didn't recall any particularly pleasant interaction, nevermind one that would have warranted a gift. Then again he was a celebrity, if only because he was the most hated being in all creation, so it wouldn’t be implausible for him to receive presents from people he didn’t know personally.

But the idea certainly didn’t sit right with him. When he'd thought the duck was from Charlie the gift had felt precious and welcome. Comforting. Coming from someone else, a stranger, it felt intrusive and creepy.

Speaking of creepy.

The more he thought about his altercation with Alastor yesterday outside his bedroom, the less sense it made. Which led him to conclude there must have been a perfectly logical explanation that somehow went over his head. Like a lot of things did.

Maybe Alastor had wanted to discuss his intrusiveness at the couple's session, and Lucifer hadn't left him the opportunity because he ran away. Maybe Lucifer had forgotten something in the lobby and he'd come to return it. Maybe there's been something on his face or in his hair and that was the reason the Radio Demon had tried touching him. 

That doesn't explain his expression, a nagging voice reminded him. That doesn't explain him following me around

Then again, Lucifer wasn't the best at deciphering others' facial expressions and Alastor didn't exactly emote in a conventional way. And perhaps the Radio Demon hadn't been following him at all, perhaps it was Lucifer's paranoid and self-conscious mind trying to convince him that he was the center of the universe and everyone was after him.

Alastor was far from innocent, but maybe he genuinely didn’t care enough about Lucifer to want to get rid of him. Lucifer had certainly proven he wasn’t much of a threat. 

He was feeling more idiotic by the minute. Perhaps the Radio Demon had told Charlie and Lucifer was in for yet another uncomfortable conversation with his daughter about his lack of social grace.

No, he decided, Alastor had still been obnoxious to him yesterday, putting him on the spot, giving his unsolicited opinion on his marriage. Charlie was unlikely to be sympathetic if the Radio Demon complained about Lucifer. She would most likely assume that her father had been upset upon seeing Alastor and had wanted to avoid him. 

No one needed to know that for a brief moment Lucifer had been scared of him. 

It wasn't as simple as being scared for his life, he had it on good authority that he was difficult to kill. 

But he wasn't difficult to hurt. 

Winning in a fight against Alastor would be easy as pie. Winning in a fight against Alastor without damaging Alastor, the hotel, the residents and himself in the process was another matter entirely.The last time he came close to actually using his power to induce damage had been with Adam, and only because he’d been so frightened for his daughter he hadn’t been in his right mind. It was lucky that Charlie had been there to stop him. Even if it had been because she was principled and not because she was aware he could have accidentally nuked everyone within hearing distance along with the First Man. 

Therefore, even though he was inconceivably more powerful than Alastor, he would have had no other choice but to let himself be hurt, had the Radio Demon decided to attack him. He would have healed eventually, and it wouldn’t have been the first time.

 And yet he’d been afraid of the pain, he’d been afraid of the feeling of helplessness, he’d been afraid of losing himself and falling right back into the pit he was trying so hard to crawl out of.

A good monarch is never afraid, dear Lilith would have told him. And true enough his wife had never seemed afraid of anything. Not of Heaven, not of the sinners, not of being wrong.That was another thing he’d admired deeply about her and he’d loved her for it. But he would have loved her even more if she’d admitted to a weakness or a mistake from time to time. She never did. 

As he prepared himself to go out of his room he decided he’d at least try to clear the misunderstanding. He was an adult after all, and he wasn’t going to let himself be intimidated by one measly Radio Demon. He’ll give Alastor a piece of his mind the next time he sees him.

***

Fuck you Past Lucifer, he decided when he realized he’d have to make good on his promise to himself sooner than he’d thought, because Alastor was waiting for him outside the dining room.

Lucifer approached warily, his self-righteous anger at Alastor's nosiness suddenly watered down by his embarrassment of having behaved like a cretin the last time they saw one another. Not to mention the Radio Demon was now in charge of his meals on top of being in charge of the hotel. Yet another bitter confirmation of how weak depending on other people made him. Had he not needed the Radio Demon he could have told him to take that ridiculous microphone of his and go stuff it where the sun doesn't shine.

"Ah, Your Majesty. Hello!" He began as he made his way to Lucifer. His posture flawless and his expression the very picture of pleasant, if macabre, neutrality. He looked nothing like the borderline feral creature that had approached him outside his room yesterday and once again Lucifer wondered if he hadn't simply dreamed the whole thing.

Upon seeing Lucifer flinch at his approach Alastor raised an eyebrow but obligingly stopped two feet away from him instead of intruding on his personal space. 

"What do you want?" Lucifer asked, hoping to trigger some sort of reaction by reenacting what he said to him yesterday.

If Alastor caught on though he showed nothing, and instead leaned towards him with his hands behind his back and a falsely contrite expression. 

"It has been brought to my attention that my behaviour yesterday could have been considered...uncouth." He told him, his eyes and ears following each of Lucifer’s movements and his static subdued, like it was trying to be reassuring. 

Uncouth. Is that a fancy word for being an asshole? 

“I was merely taking an interest, please be assured that it wasn’t my intention to offend you, Your Majesty. I shall endeavour to treat you with the utmost care from now on,” He continued, and Lucifer bristled slightly at his choice of wording and the emphasis he seemed to put on the word care.

He didn’t want the Radio Demon to treat him with care, he wanted him to leave him alone. 

“For Charlie’s sake, of course. We wouldn’t want to give our dear princess more cause to worry, Heaven knows she has enough on her plate with the hotel and this unfortunate pandemic, the poor thing !” Alastor added, as if sensing his unease.

“For Charlie,” Lucifer repeated.”Alright.”

It was probably the least enthusiastic he’s ever been about agreeing to a truce, and he’d signed a treaty with Heaven. Nevertheless if Alastor was showing deference towards Charlie’s authority by apologizing to him, refusing it would equate to disrespecting his daughter. 

“Excellent.” the Radio Demon said before gallantly opening the door of the dining room for Lucifer and gesturing him to go inside with his hand. “Shall we?” he asked and Lucifer was almost tempted to portal to the dining room just to spite him. Instead he obediently walked through the door, gritting his teeth at the look of profound satisfaction that seemed to pass on Alastor’s face.

Once inside the Radio Demon thankfully abandoned him and disappeared into the kitchen. When he was out of sight Lucifer realized he said nothing about their other rather failed interaction yesterday. 

Maybe I really did dream it .

He greeted both Charlie and Vaggie and for once it was the fallen angel who addressed him first.

“He wasn’t bothering you, was he, Sir?” she demanded, ignoring the look Charlie gave her. 

“It was alright Vaggie, I can’t say we’re going to be best friends but he apologized and I accepted,” He told her, but she didn’t look convinced. To be fair he wasn’t exactly convinced either. 

“Thank you for accepting, Dad, I know he can be...a lot,” Charlie said, she was smiling kindly but there were shadows in her eyes and it occurred to Lucifer that she probably didn’t know what to think of yesterday’s conversation either.

He wanted to talk to his daughter, wanted to know what was going through her mind and if she was feeling as lost as him. But even his need to check in with her wasn’t as strong as the burning, all consuming, irrational guilt he felt at having doubted Lilith. So he said nothing at all and took his seat.

Apparently pushing his chair away from Husk’s wasn’t enough anymore for Angel because the spider demon abandoned his usual seat altogether to place himself next to Lucifer on the other side of the table. Leaving the crestfallen bartender behind. 

“You ok dollface?" Angel inquired as he sat next to him.

Are you g enuinely worried for me or are you pretending so you can run away from Husk? 

"I think so," Lucifer replied, in lieu of telling what he really thought.

"Don't worry about yesterday sweetheart, Smiles’ been nasty to all of us these past few days. In fact you're probably the one he’s the nicest to, or whatever his fucked up definition of nice is." Angel told him. 

"Really?" Lucifer asked, surprised. Not by the notion that Alastor was nasty, he wholeheartedly agreed, but he would have thought the Radio Demon knew how to hide it better than that. Maybe he was less of a hypocrite than Lucifer had first thought. 

"Oh yeah, he’s been snapping at everyone, going full demonic form on the resident's asses if they dare ask him for anything he feels isn't "urgent". And I saw him tear Lux a new asshole two days ago. Not that he didn’t probably deserve it, he’s a right bitch.” Angel complained.

Lucifer hummed but didn’t respond. When Alastor emerged from the kitchen with his shadow minions Angel was still talking to him, which was…complicated. He genuinely appreciated Angel, and he didn’t mind the demon talking to him in other circumstances. But he really didn’t want anyone to try and have a conversation with him while he was trying to eat, because he needed to concentrate. And he couldn’t think of a normal way to explain it to Angel without it sounding like he was either crazy or trying to get rid of him.

He was uncomfortable when “his” little minion handed him his bowl of soup and the creature seemed to notice he felt less inclined to eat because it climbed the back of his chair and rested its little hand on his shoulder instead of disappearing like all the other times.

A shrill whine of feedback caught his attention and he looked to the other side of the table to see that Alastor was looking at Angel with a downright murderous expression.

He wasn’t kidding about him being in a mood.

“Angel Dust, my dear fellow!” Alastor called with the fakest smile Lucifer had ever seen in his life. “How about you leave His Majesty to savour his meal in peace and offer your gracious company to our dear Husker instead? He looks rather like a kitten abandoned on the side of the road, wouldn’t you agree?” Alastor asked and everyone turned to look at him incredulously. 

Husk looked like he was waiting for the ground to open and swallow him, his ears dropped and his cheeks burning. Lucifer felt a pang of empathy for him, he too would have also hated being put so cruelly on the spot. The scene was rendered even more awkward because Niffty seemed to have taken the metaphor of the abandoned kitten a little too seriously and was petting the bartender’s head and repeating “poor kitty, poor kitty.” 

Charlie looked exhausted with her hands on her mouth and Vaggie was looking at her girlfriend with an "I told you so" look.

But the worst of them all was Angel, who was looking at Alastor with such hatred that for a moment Lucifer was afraid he might actually attack him. He looked genuinely terrifying when he wanted to be.

But when the spider demon looked at Husk his anger seemed to dissipate and his expression turned fiercely protective. He wordlessly abandoned the seat next to Lucifer’s and went back to his usual one next to the bartender. 

Once he was seated Husk turned slightly away from him, and mumbled something that sounded like “don’t”, and Angel softly replied “ I want to”.

Lucifer wanted to hide his face in his hand from sheer second hand embarrassment and his shadow minion gently patted his cheek and his hair, before gesturing for him to eat. Lucifer thanked it softly and the creature wordlessly climbed down.

He looked longingly at his soup and wondered if he was a terrible person for being relieved he got to enjoy it in silence now that Angel was gone. He risked a glance at Alastor who quickly averted his gaze and thought that he almost admired the demon’s complete absence of shame. He never held his tongue even if it meant making everyone around him uncomfortable. 

The soup was exactly the same as yesterday and the day before, and Lucifer once again let himself be comforted by the predictability of the ritual and the white noise of static.

***

The same team was present today at the couple's session with the addition of another couple, just as Charlie had predicted. Yesterday Fen and Selina had thoroughly challenged Lucifer’s prejudices on sinners, and he’d wondered if there wasn’t hope for them after all. 

And then he met Jerry and Patricia. 

Lucifer hadn't known there were married couples in Hell, nevermind couples who were married prior to their arrival. He'd thought human marriage only lasted 'til death do us part, and frankly if there was ever a couple death ought to have parted, it was Jerry and Patricia. 

They hated each other so much they could scarcely hold a conversation without resorting to name calling and, as the case may be, throwing various objects at each other's head. That included a bottle of reasonably priced Bordeaux from the bar, a letter opener, a chair, a shoe and Niffty, at some point. But she’d seemed to enjoy it and requested to be thrown again, so there was no harm done. 

There was only one thing they seemed to hate more than each other and it was everyone else.  

They manifested in Hell as Agapornis, otherwise known as lovebirds, a species notorious for mating for life. 

An irony lost on absolutely nobody. And yet they were probably the only sinners whose Turning didn't seem to affect at all. They never had any intention of separating, despite making each other and everyone else miserable by remaining together. 

“D'you remember the cruise in Cancun, my old shrew? You put laxatives in the punch," Jerry grinned at his wife.

"'Course I remember asswipe, we had the pool all to ourselves all afternoon thanks to me!" His wife replied, puffing the brightly coloured feathers around her neck as though giving diarrhea to an unsuspecting crowd of tourists was the greatest achievement of her life. 

"It was our 50th anniversary." Jerry proudly told the rest of the group. 

"That’s nice guys! Charlie exclaimed. “Hum, have you maybe considered finding common interests that don’t involve ruining other people’s lives?” She asked conversationally, likely because she didn't want to offend them. 

It didn't work.

“Oh what, so you think you’re better than us because we’re not into watching the fucking sunset like you and your one-eyed bitch?Can she even aim when she tries eating your cunt?“ Patricia screeched. 

Lucifer had to give it to his daughter, she was determined. The rest of them had fallen into a mild depressive state, Vaggie was staring into the distance like she was experiencing some form of PTSD. Selina and Fen were clinging to each other and whispering “love you” over and over, like they didn't expect to leave this session alive. Angel was looking at the old couple with the uncomprehending expression of someone who has been tricked into watching a contemporary play.

Most alarmingly, even Niffty seemed to have reached some form of sad clarity “Why do I keep running after bugs? There will always be more tomorrow, maybe my existence doesn't amount to anything after all.”

Unsurprisingly Alastor seemed to be having the time of his life. He actually engaged with the two sinners like they were old friends from college and even invited them for tea in Cannibal Town next saturday, before they had to leave because they didn’t want to miss the latest episode of “Yes I Fucked Your Sister So What?”

"What a delightful couple!" Alastor exclaimed and at once everyone in the room turned to him, exhausted.

Of course he'd think that, for someone like him murder and death threats were probably marks of endearment. Suddenly Lucifer wondered if Alastor had been married in his lifetime, and if so, if his wife had been as awful as him, if they went on murder dates and devoured the hearts of their victims together.

His mind was torn from thoughts of Alastor and his awful hypothetical wife by Fen’s soft voice.

“Your Majesty, I was wondering if you’d be ready to continue where you left off?” She inquired gently, and her eyes were devoid of the childlike curiosity she displayed yesterday. Now it rather looked like she was asking because she thought he should talk about it.

“I don’t know Fen,” He told her. Yesterday’s conversation left a bitter taste in his mouth. Alastor’s intrusiveness had been unwelcome, that was for sure, but it’d had the merit of making Lucifer question what he knew about himself and his marriage.

It turned out he knew less than he’d thought, almost like he hadn’t been an active participant in this relationship somehow. Like he just realized he’d been living in a house he’d thought was his, but he didn’t recognize anything inside from the furniture to the wallpaper.The idea terrified him. 

Besides Lilith would have disapproved of him running his mouth about their marriage. She always reacted badly to him seeking other people’s opinion, be it the Palace’s staff or the Sins.

“Dad, if you don’t want to talk about it we understand. I know your relationship with the sinners is complicated, but there are a lot of people who want to get to know you and be your allies, if you give them the chance. Here is as good a space as any to start showing them who you really are.” Charlie offered, and there was something unsaid in her eyes but Lucifer could see it all the same. I want you to show me who you really are, too.

“I don’t know where to begin,” he admitted.

“Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start!” Angel exclaimed. “The Sound of Music, anyone?” he asked when he only received puzzled looks and rolled his eyes.

“How about you start after the Fall, Sir?” Vaggie suggested.

“I can do that,” Lucifer agreed, grateful that he won’t be expected to describe The Fall. He didn't think he could do it, even for Charlie's sake “So, you all know the story right? We were both cast down into the pit we created when we gave free will to the sinners. Lilith thrived and I…did not.” He explained. 

“Why do you think that is?” Fen asked as she idly played with Selina’s multitude of hand jewelry. That was an odd question, he'd thought about the how before, but not the why. But he was surprised to discover he actually knew the answer. 

“I…I never really thought about it but... Humans were meant to distance themselves from Heaven, not live amongst the Angels. Besides, Lilith never really knew them. In a way, arriving in Hell was the true beginning of her existence. But I had already lived a long time as an angel before Lilith, humanity or even earth was born. I was never meant to be separated from my Father or the other Angels, and when I was cast down I lost…I lost my future, my support system, my family .” He told her. “In a way it felt a bit like I was-” 

Lucifer almost choked on the end of his sentence as the finality of what he was about to say hit him. 

“Like you were what, Dad?” Charlie encouraged him.

“An orphan,” Lucifer admitted softly, so softly he feared nobody heard him, but he didn’t think he could bring himself to say it again. But from Charlie’s sorrowful expression and the silence that followed it seemed they heard him just fine.

It felt like it changed everything, somehow. He never allowed himself to feel sadness about what he’d lost. Lilith had never understood it, she’d never wanted to listen to him talk about it, she’d always urged him to move forward. Stay in the past all you want, dear, and the rest of the world will move on and leave you behind .

“So how did you and Lilith even turn Hell into, like, what it is today? From what I’ve heard it was a total wasteland before.” Selina told him and Lucifer was grateful that they were headed to less emotional territories. 

“Oh..well, pretty much the same way I created the Hotel I suppose. It consumes a lot of energy but I can more or less create things from nothing, except food. And there weren’t that many people down there in the beginning, so it wasn’t done in one year obviously.” He told her. “I’m actually a half-decent architect,” He added.

She probably didn’t care about that, nobody did, but it was the only socially acceptable “grown-up” thing that didn't involve ducks that he was relatively good at.

“And Lilith?” Angel asked with furrowed eyebrows, his chin propped in one pair of hands. 

“Lilith?” Lucifer repeated and cocked his head. Unsure of what the spider demon was after.

“Did she help you build all that shit?” The sinner clarified, gesturing widely with his other set of hands and his eyes to supposedly encompass all of Hell.

“Well, she would describe to me what she wanted and then she would point at where she wanted it, so yes she did.” He replied, and was once again faced with perplexed looks. 

“Lilith couldn’t do it?” Selina asked. 

“My Mother didn’t have that kind of magic,” Charlie joined in. “She had the power of suggestion, that’s how she rallied the sinners with her songs in the first place.” She told her firmly, and Lucifer didn’t miss the fact that she said “My Mother” instead of “My Mom” like she probably would have done several months ago.

Selina shared an uncomfortable look with Fen and they seemed to be having one of those telepathic conversations couples sometimes had.

“Ladies? Why so secretive?” Alastor joined in with just a hint of threat in his voice and they both jumped, looking guilty.

“It’s just…it wasn’t exactly official or anything but we were kind of led to believe it was Lilith who created all of Hell. Not you.” Selina admitted uncertainly in Lucifer’s direction. From the corner of his eyes he saw Alastor’s hand grip the handle of his microphone a little harder than before and his static rose to an unpleasant pitch, but the sinner said nothing. 

“Oh,” Lucifer said. He didn’t know what to say, he always suspected there was an endless list of things the sinners thought he should have done for Hell, but he’d rather thought they knew the things he did do. He glanced helplessly at Charlie, but she seemed as puzzled as him. 

“Well,” He hurriedly added when no one seemed inclined to change the subject. “She was the one who made Hell what it is today, she was the true monarch.”

“But why though?” Selina insisted. “From what I gathered Hell wasn’t only Lilith’s project, so why didn’t you just rule together?”

Because I was worthless ? Because people hated me ? Because I couldn't get out of bed in the morning ?

"She was better at organisation, better at talking to people, better at inspiring fear. Just...better, you know?" Lucifer told her.

"And what were you doing in the meantime?" Selina asked and Lucifer winced despite knowing she probably was genuinely curious and not trying to blame him for doing nothing. 

"Not a lot. I created LuluLand, I made toys and when I had energy to spare I designed some infrastructures for the cities in all the Rings. But the majority went..." He paused.

"The majority went into powering up Hell." Alastor finished in his place and Lucifer looked him right in the eyes. 

"Yes. How did you know about that?" Lucifer  inquired. It wasn’t exactly like it was a secret, but no sinner had ever broached the subject before. 

"Magic is nothing more than another type of electromagnetic radiation, similar to radio waves, which yours truly is fortunately able to pick up. This is what made me such an accomplished dealmaker, Your Majesty. It didn't escape my notice that yours seems to consistently flow outside of your person and into the environment." Alastor explained, standing a little straighter . Lucifer could forgive his pride, it was rather impressive after all.

“Dad, what does it mean?” Charlie asked him, and she actually abandoned Vaggie's side to come sit right in front of him on the coffee table.

“It means, dear, that your father is quite literally the beating heart of Hell,” Alastor told her. “He is the energy source that makes the existence of this realm possible.”

“But then what happens if you die, Your Majesty, if you don’t mind me asking?” Fen inquired. 

Lucifer paused, and turned to his daughter who was looking at him expectantly.

“Hell disappears.”

Chapter Text

" Wait," Angel said, his eyes as wide as saucers. "D'you mean to tell me that Hell has a fucking self-destruct button and it's frolicking around without protection? What the fuck!" He exclaimed, throwing all his arms in the air for good measure. Lucifer wrinkled his nose, he was not frolicking. 

"With all due respect, Majesty, how come you're not locked in your bunker with a gazillion guards to protect you?" Selina asked, half joking and had it been any other topic Lucifer would have appreciated her frankness. Right now though it left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"I was." He replied, perhaps a bit more drily than he intended. 

"You were?" Charlie asked from where she was still sitting on the coffee table, and she was looking at her father in a strange way. Like she just discovered he was a puzzle with missing pieces.

"You already know that your mother was the true ruler of Hell, not me." He addressed his daughter as if she was the only one present. It was easier this way and Charlie nodded, silent. "When we discovered how deeply linked I was with Hell and how much I struggled to control my powers she- we decided that it would be safer for everyone if I stayed in the Palace. And so...that's what I did." He said.

"What, like most of the time?" Angel asked. "Holy shit." He declared when Lucifer didn't respond and the wave of unease was back, so strong that he could almost see it, like dust particles in sunlight.

"None of us ever saw you before you came to the hotel," Fen declared, her tone uncharacteristically firm. "Even the oldest sinners we met told us they never saw you."

"You never went outside with me," Charlie said, frowning. "I pleaded and pleaded but you never came with me, and I just assumed..." She choked a little, and Vaggie came sit on the floor next to her and put a hand on her knee.

"Charlie i-it wasn't supposed to be some sort of secret, I thought...Your mother-" and he interrupted himself, suddenly feeling confused and guilty. They should have told her. When she was a child she'd wondered why her father, whom she loved more than anyone in the world, wouldn't go play outside with her and Lilith had advised they waited. Charlie is much too young to understand , she'd said, do you want to upset her? When Charlie entered puberty and started resenting him for his increasingly noticeable shortcomings Lilith had told him there was no point in telling her. Just let her figure it out by herself dear, what are you trying to achieve by talking about it? It sounds as though you want to play the victim.

"So, you have never..." Alastor began, but both his voice and his feedback faltered and somehow that was what broke Lucifer's already precarious sense of calm. If the ever talkative radio host himself had been so alarmed he didn't finish his sentence then something must be terribly wrong with what he said.They must all think he was a freak. His breath was becoming shallower and his palms were starting to sweat. Suddenly he wanted to leave this conversation and never revisit it again. He got up without thinking, but Charlie's hand on his wrist prevented him from leaving. 

"Dad! Dad. No one here is judging you, you are safe." She gently but firmly told him and her hand tightened, which helped ground him. 

"Sit back down, you are safe." She repeated and she tugged on his wrist to encourage the motion.

Lucifer wished she'd stop repeating he was safe. What was her point? He knew he was safe, he was the most powerful being in the realm. Not some skittish wild animal. 

He sat back down, ill at ease. Talking about this should have been easier. It was objectively a sound decision, one Lilith and him had discussed at length, she had all the right arguments. It made perfect sense. It isn't a big deal, dear. Don’t make such a fuss.

Then why was he suddenly feeling ashamed? 

"I did go out, two or three times, when we had to negotiate a treaty with Heaven or they actually needed my magic to fix a major crisis." He told Alastor, almost defiantly. If he could simply find the right words to explain it to them, maybe they will stop looking at him like they did yesterday. Like he was fragile and unstable. “It’s not like I could get killed by accident, I’m not even sure anyone in Hell could kill me. What we were most worried about was…”

“Heaven.” Vaggie said, her voice dripping with so much contempt that for a moment Lucifer thought it was directed at him. But then he noticed she was looking at the parcel of sky that was visible from the window and it became clear who was the true target of her wrath.

"But why did you come help us if a battle with Heaven was so dangerous for you?" Charlie asked, her tone suddenly urgent.

Because I was tired of doing nothing. Because your mother wasn't there to stop me. Because without you nothing matters.  

"Because you needed me," he said.

"Dad, if I'd died it would have been terrible for the people who loved me, but Hell wouldn't have been any different.I was ready for it. But you... everything would have disappeared. You were willing to take the risk of sacrificing everyone else just to save me?" She asked him, and there was disapproval in her tone. Anger even. As it should. But hidden underneath it all, perhaps even forgotten, he could hear the voice of the child whose only desire was to be the priority, the most important person in the whole world in the eyes of their parents.

"Yes." Lucifer replied. That was the truth and for once he wasn't ashamed of what he felt. He turned his gaze to the rest of the group who were observing him. They were silent, but there wasn’t any judgment in their eyes.

"I'm sorry," he told them. "I know that isn't something a King should say, but I never felt like a king. Lilith considered herself the mother of all the souls in Hell, but I was the father of only one of them. Charlie is my child, and she comes first. Always." The hand on his wrist moved to his palm, and tightened so much that he suspected it would have crushed his fingers had he been a regular sinner. His gaze met hers and somehow everything was said.

Everything was forgiven. 

"Does Heaven know?" Vaggie inquired and Lucifer reluctantly tore his attention away from his daughter to look at her.

"It was their chief argument when they convinced me to sign that treaty," Lucifer told her.

"The treaty that demands you let the sinners be exterminated once a year," Selina clarified. There was bitterness in her voice and Lucifer couldn’t blame her. It was unfair, especially for people like Fen and Selina who, in his opinion, didn’t deserve to be here. 

"Yes." He confirmed, his eyes falling to the ground. "I'll let them have an extermination once a year, in exchange they promised to cease their attacks the rest of the time and to leave the Hellborns in peace."

"Or they would have come after you, knowing it would destroy Hell," Alastor finished in his place. 

"But why didn't these bastards do that from the beginning? Why leave you alive then? It makes no sense." Angel mused, and that was the most serious Lucifer had ever seen him with his eyebrows scrunched up and all his arms crossed.

"Would they have won Dad?" Charlie asked. 

"Probably. But not without suffering substantial damage, we may not be as powerful as Heaven's army of exorcists and the archangels but we wouldn't have gone down without a fight. And there was a fair amount of uncertainty too. For all we know, destroying Hell could create a black hole that will consume Heaven and all its realms. And there is also the matter of where the souls that are deemed unfit to enter Heaven would go, should Hell disappear." Lucifer explained. 

"In essence, the whole affair could be described as deterrence." Alastor mused. His smile widened and his static hummed in pleasure when he saw the surprised look on Lucifer’s face.

"Exactly," he told him, impressed despite himself that the Radio Demon was catching on everything so quickly.

"Dete-what?" Angel repeated.

"Deterrence. The use of threats or limited force intended to dissuade a party from taking an action. Thus maintaining the status quo. Oftentimes the term is used in relation to the Cold War,” The Radio Demon explained while looking at Angel like he was the most dull-witted soul that ever crawled the surface of Hell.

“Sorry, I don’t speak nerd. Asshole,” the spider demon hissed in his direction and Lucifer could already see those two were rapidly progressing towards enemyship.

“So…basically attacking you would be almost as damaging for them as it would be for you, but they use the fact that they could to keep you in line?” Selina asked him, and he nodded. It was almost disappointing that the greatest problem of his existence could be summarized in such a simple sentence. 

“But Adam broke the treaty,” Fen reminded them. “He moved the extermination date and he attacked a Hellborn.”

“Adam was stupid and cocky.” Vaggie interjected. “Heaven had left him in charge of the extermination for so long he probably forgot there were rules. He believed he could challenge the status quo, attack us and Lucifer would be too scared to retaliate.”

“But he did.” Charlie pointedly said.

“He did,” Vaggie agreed.”The only reason we don’t have a war on our hands is because the rest of Heaven is aware Adam messed up. And now they know even common sinners can kill an angel, not just Lucifer and the Sins. They’re not stupid.”

There was a pause as the group processed those new pieces of information.

"Your Majesty, why didn’t you say anything?” Fen inquired. “Surely the public image of the royal family and yours would have been better if people knew…”

“If people knew you weren’t just a selfish prick who couldn’t be bothered to look after his people.” Selina helpfully volunteered. “Meaning no disrespect, Your Majesty.” she added.

It was a good question. It wasn’t as though keeping Hell in the dark had stopped the uprisings and the assassination attempts. Perhaps the denizens would have felt less inclined to try and get rid of him if they’d known succeeding meant also nuking themselves in the process. He and Lilith had argued about it a thousand times and somehow it always ended with her being right. She must have made excellent points, but for some reason he couldn't remember any of them. His fights with Lilith always felt a bit blurry afterwards. So he settled for the truth. 

"I don't know."

“How can you not-” Vaggie begun, but Charlie gave her and the rest of the group a stern look and discreetly shook her head, but he saw it all the same. He was embarrassed of having to be coddled like a child, but he would rather they dropped the subject.

“It’s ok Dad, we can revisit that another day.” She told him reassuringly and gently patted his hand. “Guys, do you have other questions, maybe unrelated to Heaven?” she asked.

“You never did tell us what went wrong with Lilith, Your Majesty." Fen softly said. 

That’s even worse than the questions about Heaven. Can’t they ask me about the ducks ?

"I just-I don't know where it went wrong. We didn't really have a conversation, she just...disappeared." Lucifer explained. 

"But there must have been some warning signs, there always are." She insisted and Lucifer noted that for all her shyness she didn’t seem afraid to speak her mind when she wanted something. And it seemed what she wanted was to be his therapist. 

"There were some things of course, but over a few millennia it's difficult to know if something is a warning sign or if it's just the ups and downs of any relationship." He tried. The truth was he didn't know what to think about his marriage anymore, up until now he'd had nothing at all to compare it to. He'd simply assumed that relationships were hard work and he had to do whatever was required to make his wife happy. And it's been enough, until it wasn't.

"Try to give us some examples?" Charlie encouraged him. 

"Well, it was...I mean, as I said I knew I was hers as soon as I saw her. I would have done anything to make her happy. She seemed taken with me too, at the beginning." He began. "Then again, I was her only prospect aside from Adam ," He added, and chuckled slightly at the wave of disgust the name elicited. Even Alastor was wrinkling his nose like he was picking on a particularly disgusting smell. 

"And was she equally taken with you for the remainder of your relationship?" The Radio Demon asked in a dispassionate tone, like he was discussing the weather. If he was trying to sound uninterested in the hope that it would make Lucifer more willing to volunteer the information he had to admit it was working a little bit.

Lucifer pondered the question. He remembered how enthralled by him she’d been at the beginning, marveling at his delicate features, the porcelain quality of his skin, his small stature. A stark contrast from Adam’s burly and hairy frame that he’d used to control her and subdue her, she once told him. He recalled with a small shudder the hours she’d spent adoring him, caressing him, coaxing climaxes after climaxes from his body until he’d begged her for mercy. 

But it hadn’t remained that way. 

As the human population grew, so did Lilith’s displeasure with him. She’d started comparing him to other demons, other sinners, other men and evidently found him lacking in every respect. Suddenly he’d been too soft, too fragile. He’d been told shortness wasn’t the beauty standard anymore. 

“No.” He admitted.

The rest of the group was looking at him with a perplexed expression, like he just told them two plus two equals five after all.

“But…Why? I mean, how come?” Selina asked. She and Fen were giving him suspicious looks, as though he might be concealing some vital piece of information that would make the whole situation make sense. Beside him Angel was eyeing conspicuously between his legs, apparently convinced the source of the problem must be down there. Suddenly Lucifer missed Husk’s presence dearly, they weren’t on particularly friendly terms; or any terms at all, but if someone could keep Angel from staring inappropriately at people’s crotches it was him.

“I don’t know,” he told them helplessly. “I hear it’s…normal, for the interest to dwindle at some point in the relationship. And she still loved me. Surely she wouldn’t have stayed so long if she didn’t. Right?” He said, and immediately felt pathetic when he saw the look of pity his daughter cast him. 

“Did your interest dwindle even after all these years?” she gently asked him.

"It’s different. I was an angel and she was a human. Maybe I was always meant to love her more than she loved me. Maybe her human heart couldn't handle it," he offered, but it didn’t sound convincing even to his own ears.

"Pardon me, Your Highness, but I believe this is absolute poppycock," Alastor suddenly scoffed. As though Lucifer was being silly.

"What?" Lucifer hissed, not even bothering to hide his aggravation in front of Charlie.

"Hang on, Dad, Alastor is probably very, very clumsily trying to make a point. Let's hear him out," Charlie told him, but she was looking at her hotelier with a look of warning so stern it reminded Lucifer of her mother. 

 Lucifer didn't want to hear his point, he didn't even want to hear his voice, in fact he didn't want the Radio Demon to ever speak to him again. Apparently the demon’s apologies and promises didn’t mean anything.

“Alright, explain yourself," Lucifer told him begrudgingly.

"Do you realize how conceited you sound, Your Majesty?" He asked.

"I beg your fucking pardon m?" Lucifer demanded. There was going to be an Alastor shaped hole in the lobby wall very soon if he kept this up.

"You have only ever involved yourself with one human being, whom by all accounts had only chosen you out of necessity and merely tolerated your existence." He began, seemingly not caring one bit that the person he was accusing of being an opportunist was still officially the Queen of Hell and Charlie's mother. Lucifer turned to his daughter, flabbergasted that she didn’t correct the Radio Demon." Your relationship met its unfortunate but pathetically predictable end, and you concluded the problem must have been that you had a greater capacity to love than all of us?" He asked as though Lucifer was a particularly dense two years old.

The worst thing was now he put it like that it did sound conceited. He hadn't realized he was essentially insulting every sinner present by implying they were shallow.Lucifer felt his face burn, and he fully expected Alastor to jump at the opportunity to humiliate him. 

Instead the demon continued without missing a beat, his tone and static remarkably neutral.

"At the risk of disappointing you, Your Majesty, there are probably legions of pathetic wretches who would sell their souls for a chance to win your affection. A questionable decision on their part, but I suppose there isn't accounting for taste." He said. Lucifer was stunned and thankfully Angel broke the silence in his place.

"Careful Smiles, he could misunderstand and assume you’re trying to be nice." The spider demon told him venomously. Canned laughter erupted in the air but not before Lucifer heard an uncomfortable crackle of static first and he wondered if anyone else had noticed.

"Ah! Perish the thought!" He exclaimed. "I was merely reminding our charming monarch we sinners are more evolved than he seems to think," he continued and his smile widened. "In fact, since your existence precedes ours wouldn't that make you the draft?" He asked.

He was about to tell him that at least he didn’t come from the content of Adam’s genitals, when he felt Charlie's gentle hand on his shoulder and she smiled at him. A small, resigned little thing that barely stretched her lips.

"He's right Dad, moving on doesn't erase all you went through together. Mo- she is gone. And you deserve to be with someone who will commit. When you're ready." She said.

She doesn’t know what she is saying. She can’t be giving up.

"For what it's worth Dollface, I'd do you in a second!" Angel crooned, and for a breath the room was silent as they all realized once again that Husk wasn't there. Without him on elbowing duty Angel's playful remark felt dangerously close to actual flirtation instead of the comic relief it was evidently meant to be. Fortunately Alastor apparently took it upon himself to fill the role and before Angel could say "Alakazam" a shadow tendril smacked him over the head with a throw pillow, so hard he fell off the couch.

"That hurts asshole!" Angel shouted at him before climbing back on the cushions. He meant to take the same spot near Lucifer but the tendril was still hovering about menacingly near him and he scooted further away while barring his teeth.

 "Look, what I meant is anyone would be lucky to have you, you know? You're the prize, the arm candy!" he told him while gesturing wildly at him with his arms.

"Please, do try to wait until the end of this unfortunate pandemic, Your Highness. I hardly have the time to ward off armies of suitors while I am already busy keeping our volatile residents from killing themselves or each other." Alastor complained.

Lucifer couldn't help the heat that rose on his face when he realized they were all implying he was desirable. That was an odd thought, he’d always felt like Lilith had gotten the shorter end of the stick and she’d never missed an opportunity to remind him of that. He felt the ridiculous urge to hide his face in his hands.

“Ok guys, I think you embarrassed my dad enough for today. Great session everyone!” Charlie declared and Fen and Selina walked up to Lucifer who had just gotten up.

“Thank you for opening up to us,” Fen told him. “You are nothing like we expected, Your Majesty.” She was smiling, so it must mean he could take that as a compliment. He wasn’t used to exceeding people’s expectations in a good way, it was generally the opposite.

"You can all call me Lucifer you know? Only if you're comfortable that is." Lucifer blurted when he caught Vaggie’s eyes. "I wouldn't mind. Your Majesty was my wife anyway, and it wasn’t like I was considered royalty back hom-I mean in Heaven." He said dejectedly and Fen and Selina both nodded before taking their leave.

Suddenly he was grabbed by the shoulder and pressed into a silky soft and perfumed chest. "I'll do you one better, I'll call you Lulu!" Angel declared, the set of hands that wasn’t grabbing Lucifer's shoulders was gently ruffling his hair and for a split second he traveled to the past, when Michael used to do this to him. He too had called him Lulu. “Who needs those feathery, stuck up assholes when you have us! This is your home now.” The spider demon added, his voice muffled in Lucifer’s locks.

“Welcome home Dad,” Charlie told him and she extended an encouraging hand to Vaggie who stepped closer to them.

“Welcome home Lucifer.” She said. There was no more reservation in her eyes, only warmth.

 Lucifer felt his throat constrict with something that could almost be mistaken for happiness, it was fragile, shaky and rather uncomfortable but it was there. His vision blurred and the corners of his mouth couldn’t seem to decide if they wanted to turn upward or downward. His gaze briefly caught Alastor’s and he turned away to hide his tears in Angel’s soft fur.

***

  At this point the presence at his back felt almost familiar as he reached the door of his bedroom. He turned around, his movement deliberately slow as he tried very hard not to look startled or alarmed.

“Look Alastor, could you maybe announce yourself like a normal person instead of sneaking up on people like that?” Lucifer asked him in what he hoped was a calm voice.

Talking with Alastor when they were alone was no different from talking with Alastor in the dining room or in the lobby. All his exchanges with the Radio Demon had proven that he could be perfectly civil and reasonable, there was no reason to fear being alone with him. They could have a perfectly normal interaction.

Of course Alastor had to prove him wrong.

He came closer to Lucifer with his ears pinned to his head, seemingly out of breath, and his expression as manic a the day before.

"You are so small," the Radio Demon sighed, like he was lamenting at the fact but equally enamoured with it. 

Then he took Lucifer by the shoulders and licked him from chin to forehead with a long swipe of his tongue, leaving his entire face slimy and the hair of his fringe sticking up. 

When the Radio Demon released him he looked at Lucifer with a mixture of longing and consternation, as though he was torn between throwing himself out the nearest window and going for another swipe. 

"Right. Good talk," Lucifer told him blankly before turning on his heels and entering his room with surprising calm. 

Once inside he made a beeline to the bathroom and put his entire head under the tap for ten minutes to rid his face and hair from whatever foul, poisonous substance Alastor's mouth produced as saliva. 

Back in his bedroom he took a hold of Sir Caraduck who was still pouting on his chair before dragging him to the bed and burying his damp face in his belly.

After today there were two things he was now certain of. 

His marriage had been a lie. 

And Alastor had Turned.  

Chapter Text

Now that he thought about it he felt like an idiot for not figuring it out sooner. Though to be fair he'd been the only one to even consider the possibility, so he supposed they were all idiots. The chances of Alastor being the only asymptomatic sinner recorded so far were slim to none but everyone had seemed content to believe he was the exception to the rule.

In a way he could almost understand. Alastor's behaviour hadn't been normal, that was for sure. However one of the inconvenient things about living in Hell surrounded by murderous psychopaths was that one forgot even murderous psychopaths had a baseline of normal. No one had been surprised by Alastor acting like a lunatic because he was a lunatic. 

He was tempted to indulge in his "I told you so" smugness and go tell Charlie immediately. But after hours of wracking his brain he was now convinced there simply wasn't a way to broach the subject that wouldn't sound completely disturbing and insane. 

Hey char-char you wouldn't happen to know if Alastor has been going around, licking people's faces ? 

No . He decided he'd rather die than tell anyone he let himself get licked by the Radio Demon. He could have jumped away when Alastor approached him. He could have slapped or punched him when his tongue first made contact with his face. He could have yelled at him and demanded an explanation afterwards.

But he was starting to suspect that he had trained himself to avoid conflicts at all cost for millennia. Each time Lilith would raise her voice or say hurtful things to him he would stay quiet, distance himself from the conversation and fade into the background as though he was nothing more than a piece of furniture. 

She would comfort him afterwards, cradle him and tell him she was sorry for yelling at him, but he was being so very difficult. And he would let himself be held, because his mind had never fully registered being hurt in the first place, and he could easily pretend nothing had happened at all. It never occurred to him that this particular skill would follow him into his interactions with people who weren't Lilith. And it was becoming increasingly obvious that he's been marked by his relationship with her in more ways than he thought. Like he had moulded himself to her and kept her shape even after she ripped herself away from him. He didn’t know how to return to the person that he was before he’d met Lilith, nor did he know how to become someone new now that she was gone.

  He turned to Sir Caraduck who, due to the severity of the situation, had been reinstated to his functions as moral support.

"Am I broken ?" 

The stuffed animal didn't respond, which was for the best. He didn't want to hear the answer anyway, he didn’t need anyone’s insight anymore. This was about him, and whether or not he was ready to confront the truth.

He couldn’t regret his marriage with Lilith, he decided. Even now that he was finally realizing how detrimental it may have been for him, if he never Fell from Heaven, if he never met Lilith, then Charlie would never have existed. Would never have grown to be this strong, resilient, brilliant young woman who was on her way to become the one who will save them all.

That didn’t mean that he couldn’t acknowledge that his marriage had been…not good. Bad. It was an uncomfortable thing to think about, not because it didn’t make sense, but because it had been ingrained in his mind for millennia that questioning Lilith was wrong. Because Lilith was infaillible and solid, and Lucifer was an idiot who couldn't do anything on how own, and that was the dynamic on which their entire relationship had been built.

He realized he was afraid of her reaction even though she wasn’t here and he hadn’t even said it out loud, as though Lilith would somehow know he was doubting her and  come back from wherever she ran off to just to berate him and make him feel ridiculous.

“I wasn’t happy with you.” He said. The words echoed in the silence of the room, and nothing happened. Lilith didn’t jump out from behind his dresser to yell “I knew it !”

“I was miserable.” He tried again. “You didn’t treat me right,” And again. “You told me everything you did was for the greater good but you lied” And again. “You were selfish.” And again. 

“And that yellow dress you liked so much ! It did make you look like a corn cob !” He exclaimed and then placed his hands on his mouth. Blushing furiously.

Alright, maybe the corn cob thing is taking things a little too far.

Still, Lilith didn’t show up. 

He walked to his dresser and foraged inside before pulling out a light blue shirt. Blue had been his favorite colour before he Fell, and Lilith had abhorred it. She completely banished it from the palace and forbade him from ever wearing it again. You don’t want your angelic roots to show too much dear, our people might conclude you are not a good fit to rule them. 

Well see if I care now.

Lucifer wasn’t stupid enough to delude himself into thinking he didn’t love her anymore. A love of ten thousand years couldn’t disappear overnight. But at the same time he could accept that she hadn't been as good a partner as she pretended to be, that she was truly gone, and that he could stop walking on tip-toes as though she could come home at any moment.

He inspected himself in the bathroom mirror and for the first time in months, years, he actually thought he looked good. His hair and lashes were still more platinum than golden, his skin still too pale but the blue made him look graceful and ethereal instead of...corpse-like.

Hyped into the next dimension, he jumped out of his bed and ran out of his room. He had a mystery to solve and a Radio Demon to figure out. And if he didn’t have anything to fear from Lilith, then there was nothing Alastor could do that would take him down, with or without the virus.

He just needed to know what he was up against.

***

As he reached the library it occurred to him that Fen and Selina must have talked about what had transpired at the couple's session yesterday because the sinners' behaviour towards him was extremely suspicious. It wasn't that they'd been disrespectful before, or at least never to his face. But most had been mostly neutral to mildly disapproving of him, like he was a problematic public figure they'd heard of but who didn't influence their immediate environment.

Now they all looked at him as though he was a forgetful grandmother who shouldn't be left climbing up the stairs without supervision. At some point a group of sinners had accosted him while he’d been crossing the lobby and upon hearing he was going to read a book they asked if he needed help. 

 He decided that Charlie should have a meeting with the sinners very soon, someone ought to tell those well-meaning idiots he survived for millennia without an army of nannies to monitor his every movement. And that he wasn’t going to be annihilated by a gust of wind and take all of Hell with him.

Of course the only exception had to be the only sinner whose opinion of him he'd hoped would change. 

Upon seeing him Lux immediately instructed Nico, a squirrely looking resident turned slave, to wheel his cart in his direction which put Lucifer in a bit of a pickle. On the one hand he desperately wanted to at least get to a more isolated area to avoid having this altercation in the lobby in front of everyone, like Lux probably intended. But on the other he really didn't want to be seen literally running away from what was for all intents and purposes a disabled person. One he crippled himself, no less. 

"Geez, you look like you've seen the boogeyman. Do I make you that uncomfortable Shorty  ?" Lux asked him, his smile a little more savage than usual.

Lucifer didn't respond. Lux was making him uncomfortable. Even before Lucifer unwittingly ruined his life Lux had been the kind of person he was the most ill at ease with. The crude, teasing kind, who liked to push other people's buttons. And now he was literally the embodiment of Lucifer's failure given human form, set on torturing him like a vengeful ghost.

"Lux, I'm sorry if I offended you but I promise it wasn't my intention." Lucifer told him and it sounded fake and dismissive even to his own ears. He wasn’t like Charlie, he couldn’t come up with heartfelt apologies and declarations of friendship on demand.

In a split second it was as though the sinner had taken off a mask, his smile morphing into a grimace of contempt. It was the first time since the day he'd tried to heal him that Lucifer had seen the sinner look so angry. Everyone knew he was  angry, but it was always concealed with a layer of sarcasm.

"Cut the crap, I know what you’ve been doing.” Lux hissed.

“What ?”

"If my resentment and my pain are so fucking inconvenient for you you can at least say it to my face. No need to send the red creep after me like a coward," he spat, catching the attention of a nearby group of sinners that was no doubt eavesdropping.

The red freak. 

"Do you mean Alastor ? His fight with you was about me ?" Lucifer asked, and somehow it seemed to make Lux even angrier. 

"Don't try to deflect, you know exactly what I am talking about. Drop your innocent act, it doesn't work with me." Lux continued and turned to Nico to ask to be wheeled away but was surprised when Lucifer suddenly ceased his arm. 

"Lux. What did he tell you ?" Lucifer urged him and he saw the sinner's gaze go from his hand to his face and a twinge of uncertainty passed on his features. Lucifer suddenly realised it was the first time since that day that he looked Lux in the eyes.

"He said not to come close to you again, or he'll find out if I taste more human or seafood." Lux told him, his tone still abrasive but less so than earlier.

"He didn't tell you anything else ?" Lucifer insisted, though it sounded horrible enough as it was.

“Nope. You really didn’t send him ?” The sinner asked him dubiously.

“Of course not, I don’t know if you’ve seen us together but we don’t really have that kind of relationship.”

“Yeah well, I’d clear things up with him if I were you because he seems to think you do Shorty.” He said, not kindly but at least he seemed mollified enough to leave him alone and Lucifer looked at him get wheeled away. 

That’s exactly the plan.

It took him thirty minutes just to find the right section at the library but in his defense it contained every book ever written by mankind, from the published works of the most famous authors to the single handwritten copy of the diary of Maisie Brooks, an unknown seamstress from Wisconsin who died in 1963.

He considered himself lucky that Alastor had manifested with the traits of a somewhat common animal. He wouldn’t have liked his chances if the sinner had shared his DNA with the White-Tailed Tityra, the least documented bird in all South America. 

Really, how complicated could it be to understand the behaviour of one of the most straightforward animals on the planet ? 

***

Deer are the spawns of Satan. 

Lucifer shut the third book. 

 He had decided to straight up skip all the chapters on ruts and mating cycles. He didn't want to know how the Radio Demon looked when he was horny, he didn't think both his sanity and the hotel could have handled it. It didn't matter though, because if he was certain of one thing, it was that they would have noticed Alastor making a pass at somebody. And then it wouldn't have mattered anyway because they would have had more urgent things to deal with, like the arrival of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. 

He'd always wondered why the sinner had manifested with deer traits. Surely someone like him would have been better suited to something sinister, like a vulture. Or better yet a hyena, he already had the evil laugh down. Surely a deer was too harmless to have anything in common with twisted, terrifying, cannibalistic Alastor. Right ? 

Wrong. 

It turned out that deer, the species he associated with peacefulness, innocence and Bambi were actually professional scavengers who could be found feasting on the carcasses and the bones of other animals. Which included humans and other deer. They were also opportunistic carnivores who regularly consumed small animals, such as young chicks that they would steal away from their nests to devour them. 

Bambi eats birds...

But when he reached the section on social grooming amongst adult deer he started gathering useful informations. Contrary to what he’d thought, it wasn’t uncommon for adult bucks to groom each other during the non-breeding season as a way of maintaining social relationships between members of a small group. It wasn’t as cute as two deer being friends and being affectionate with one another, but rather a complex way of asserting dominance ranks.

You are so small.

Well that would at least explain that. There was certainly something with the wording that had bothered him. Granted, during the awkward weeks he got to know Alastor before the outbreak he got used to being made fun off because of his height. The Radio Demon hadn’t even bothered to be subtle about it.

Pardon me Your Majesty, I didn’t see you ! Though in my defense you are almost invisible to the naked eye !

With your height difference it’s no wonder your marriage failed Your Highness, everyone knows long distance relationships don’t work ! 

Lucifer had hated it of course, even more so because he’d never seemed to have a suitable retort in mind. But yesterday it had felt nothing like that, had felt nothing like teasing. Instead Alastor had seemed deeply affected by Lucifer’s size.

Did Alastor's deer brain mistake him for a fellow, weak member of his deer social group and instruct him to assert his dominance over him and protect him from predators ? Well that was certainly insulting, but it was better than the alternative which was that the sinner wanted to make louisianian sausages out of his intestines. 

***

“Greetings Your Majesty ! Don’t you look lively today ! Is that a new shirt ?” Alastor inquired pleasantly when Lucifer reached the door of the dining room. It seemed waiting for him there was going to become a part of his routine after yesterday. 

“No. It’s old, but my wife hated it. Now she's not here to complain about it.” Lucifer deadpanned and the Radio Demon smiled approvingly at him.

“In that case, let me tell you that you look positively fetching, Your Highness.” He purred.

Despite himself Lucifer felt flattered, not because he cared about being attractive, but because it felt good for his statement to be acknowledged.

“So, yesterday was interesting.” Lucifer told him. 

Especially the part where you ambushed me in the corridor and licked my face.

“Indeed, I never would have guessed one of dear Charlie’s bonding activities could be quite so instructive.” Alastor replied, looking unbothered. 

Lucifer gave him a pointed look and waited. 

And waited.

Come on. Surely he can't act as if nothing happened now.  

It turned out that he could. He was looking down at Lucifer with a relaxed expression, his smile not faltering.

Lucifer suddenly wondered if the Radio Demon was even aware of his nightly escapades. Maybe he was like Angel, blacking out and doing things he couldn't remember afterwards. That would explain why he was acting as though nothing was amiss when he was talking to Lucifer. 

However something didn't add up. The Radio Demon was the type to control every single aspect of his existence, starting from his schedule. There was absolutely no way he wouldn't notice that some parts of his days were unaccounted for. 

Plus the creepy watching isn't limited to when we are alone.

No. The only viable explanation for Lucifer was that Alastor had Turned, was aware he had Turned, and somehow managed to out stubborn the virus for months. Because of course he would. 

Lucifer felt deeply irritated by him, he would have made everyone's lives much easier if he had come clean and requested Charlie’s help. His daughter would have probably been annoyingly delighted by the idea of Alastor considering her father as part of his herd. And he was fairly certain even the rest of the hotel would have viewed his Turning in a positive light. Additionally Lucifer wouldn't have thought he was crazy and paranoid for months. 

But at least Lucifer wasn’t scared of him anymore, it was like waking up in the morning and realizing that the monsters in his room had been mere shadows on the walls, banished by daylight. The Radio Demon hadn't been following him around, plotting his demise and terrorizing him on purpose. He probably hadn’t had a single rational thought in his head when he’s been doing his charade, like a dog chasing after its own tail.

Fine. Be like that. 

Lucifer passed by him and entered the dining room, only to be squished against a white, furry chest. 

"Lulu ! Hello, hi, hello !" Angel greeted him and before Lucifer could respond the spider demon grabbed him underneath his armpits and lifted him off the floor to proudly present him to Husk. 

"Look Whiskers, it's Lulu, my new pal ! Doesn't he look cute ?" He asked him and Lucifer looked helplessly at the bartender, his legs dangling in the air. 

"He looks traumatized." Husk observed him dispassionately.

 In truth Lucifer could easily free himself, but he was so happy that yesterday's familiarity seemed to have stuck he didn't mind that Angel was showing him off like he was his new puppy. As long as he wanted to be his friend. 

"Are you alright up there Lucifer ?" Vaggie asked him compassionately, but there was a playful glint in her eyes. 

"It's too late for me, save yourselves." Lucifer told her in a falsely resigned tone and she and Charlie snickered.

From behind him he could hear that Alastor's internal radio was emitting chomped sound effects that reminded him of a hissing cat.

"How charming Angel Dust, did you know that royal abduction is considered high treason up on earth ? The death penalty has now been abolished in most countries unfortunately, but one can still see the appeal." Alastor told Angel venomously and the spider demon rolled his eyes. 

"Geez Smiles, keep your panties on, it's just a joke." Angel told him before gently depositing Lucifer on the floor and turning to the rest of the group.

 "A'right ! Who's next !" He yelled and made grabby hands at Husk with a devious smile.

"Try it and I'll kill you." The bartender told him calmly, but there was no bite in his tone. Before Angel could take his chances though Niffty scrambled to join them and reached for him with her little arms. 

"My turn ! My turn ! My turn ! " She cried. 

"'Kay Niff, let's go !" The spider demon said before scooping her into his arms.

Lucifer heard Alastor clear his throat and turned around to discover the Radio Demon had pulled out his usual chair for him. 

"Please be seated, Your Majesty." He offered, and Lucifer was grateful that the rest of the group was focused on Angel who was currently playing airplane with the little maid. 

"You don't have to do that for me." Lucifer told him under his breath, but still took the seat anyway. Alastor smiled maniacally at him and crossed his arms beneath his back. 

"I vowed to treat you with the care you deserve, I am merely making good on that promise". He crooned and Lucifer wanted to hide his face in his hands. Now that his interactions with the Radio Demon weren't tinted with fear and uncertainty they just felt painfully awkward and embarrassing.

When Alastor finally left to check on their meal Lucifer decided that he would talk to him. Today. They needed to sort this out before the Radio Demon gave everyone the wrong impression with his misguided attempts at friendship.

His shadow minion almost spilled his soup in its eagerness to get to him and Lucifer greeted it with a smile. Today he noticed that in addition to the usual white bowl the creature was carrying a small dish that contained what looked like a deliciously moist bread pudding. He was about to protest, overwhelmed by the prospect of having to eat more than usual but he pondered for a moment. Several days on the exact same thing had allowed him to put his mind at rest and work up an appetite and he realised that he was probably ready to try diversifying his diet a bit more. He glanced at Alastor, impressed and a little bit disturbed that he could be so attuned to his needs. The Radio Demon was doing a poor job of ignoring him, as per usual, and didn’t react when Lucifer nodded gratefully in his direction but Lucifer knew he saw it all the same. 

The pudding was as delightful as the soup, and Lucifer felt a deep sense of satisfaction when he managed to finish both. 

He was in such a good mood that when the shadow minion took away his dishes he blew a kiss in its direction. The creature put its hand on his heart as though lovestruck and pantomimed swooning from delight, only to be smacked across the head by one of the taller minions, as though they were embarrassed by its behaviour. 

Charlie had selected another activity for him to try and for the first time he felt ready for it.

***

Lucifer didn’t consider himself a particularly artistic person. One could argue that a lot of the things he did could fall under this umbrella, like crafting clever toys, designing exquisite architecture, or playing the violin. But he’d always felt he lacked the charisma, the passion . 

 Lilith on the other hand had always worn the identity like a badge of honour, justifying her mercurial behaviour with the free-spiritedness that was the distinguishing feature of true artists, according to her. She would often tell Lucifer that he wouldn’t understand, that his straightforward, simplistic mind couldn’t fathom what it felt like to be consumed by something to the point of violence and madness. That someone as quiet and meek as him, who thrived with order and calm couldn’t possibly be an artist.

Celeste, their instructor for the activity, completely fitted the definition however. She wore colorful and mismatched clothings, so many bracelets she could be mistaken for a trip of bell-wearing goats when she was going down the stairs. And she was so very loud. 

“You need to connect with it !” Celeste exclaimed while gesturing wildly at their model.

“You mean with the carrot ?” Lucifer asked, perplexed.

He looked around helplessly, wondering if he had somehow left Hell when he exited the dining room and stumbled right into the twilight zone.The other guests, most of whom he didn’t know, seemed to be taking the exercise very seriously, chief among them Niffty who was drawing on her sketchbook like she was possessed. Charlie was also intensely observing the carrot like it held the secrets of the universe, much to his chagrin.

I am not responsible for this, she must have gotten this from Lilith. 

He’d been surprised when Vaggie announced she wouldn't participate at lunch, since she and his daughter always seemed joined at the hip. He understood now, the fallen angel had cut her losses and saved herself. 

 Angel and Husk, who seemed to have resumed their previous closeness, were sharing a sketch book, though the bartender looked content to lay back and purr while Angel drew little penises all over the page. 

Surprisingly enough the person who bought him the most comfort was Alastor, who seemed even less keen on the activity than he was.He was eyeing the carrot as though it had personally offended him, and was scoffing and rolling his eyes at everything Celeste was saying.

“Mister Radio Demon, you don’t want to participate in the art session ?” Celeste asked him, visibly annoyed.

“I’ll participate when there is an art session, my Dear. I am afraid whatever you are doing doesn’t quite fit the definition.” Alastor told her cheerfully. 

“You have no idea what true art is about.” Celeste told him disapprovingly. 

“Oh I’d be delighted to show you what true art looks like, unfortunately it would require you being dead with your intestines wrapped around your neck, but you’d make such a lovely picture in red !” He cooed.

Once again Lucifer couldn’t help but envy him his complete absence of tact. How wonderful it must be to be confident enough to express his opinion, even if it displeased someone else. Though admittedly for Alastor the line between expressing his opinion and blatantly threatening people seemed to be a very fine one. 

Celeste turned away with a disgusted, if mildly frightened huff, and started inspecting everyone’s work. She complimented some of them, but it was Niffty who received the highest praises.

“I became one with the carrot, it was me and I was it,” Niffty told her, brandishing a drawing of a cut and shredded carrot covered in what he hoped was ketchup. He didn’t want to know what that meant.

“I could feel that,” Celeste agreed before turning to him.

“And how are you doing Luci ?“ She asked him and Lucifer gritted his teeth. He did give the sinners permission to drop the titles but that was what Lilith had called him. She peered at his drawing over his shoulder and he was assaulted by the scent of sandalwood and patchouli that clung to her hair.

“It’s objectively beautiful and very realistic but it’s empty.” She concluded and placed her hands on his shoulders, making him tense. A whine of feedback immediately followed the gesture and he turned to Alastor, whose glowing eyes were focused on Celeste’s hands as though he was considering ripping them off.

“You need to connect with it ! See things from its perspective ! Feel what it feels !” Celeste exclaimed and her hand went from his shoulders to his skull, which she began probing and massaging as though she was trying to find his nonexistent social security number.

Alastor’s interferences were rising in pitch and intensity at an alarming speed and Lucifer could see his sclera turning black and his antlers extending.

 The Radio Demon’s new habit of being territorial of him was going to get Celeste killed. Lucifer stood up, discreetly escaping their teacher’s intruding hands under the guise of taking a better look at the carrot.

A distraction. I need a distraction.

“I don’t know...I suppose I would feel uncomfortable if it was me being put on display like this.” He suddenly blurted. “Maybe I would wonder why I’m all alone there. Maybe I would wonder where all the other carrots are. If I did something to deserve being singled out like that.” He continued, and paused. That actually felt way too close to home.

I’m doing it. I’m creating an emotional connection with a carrot.

But it seemed to be working because Celeste seemed overjoyed by his analysis and no one seemed to have noticed Alastor’s near outburst or his strategic retreat.

“Prepare your tissues for the next session folks ! Next time we are doing turnips !” Celeste exclaimed, and Lucifer had no idea what that meant. 

Next to him Niffty vigorously nodded with a solemn expression and told him “Turnips are so sad.”  And he decided there and then that he’d let the art to Lilith after all.

From the corner of his eye he saw Alastor make his way to the ground floor bathrooms and waited several minutes for the group to scatter before discreetly following him. 

Now is the time to have a little chat.

He opened the door and paused for several seconds. 

Uncomprehending.

***

It was incredible how much of his understanding of his environment relied on expectations and past experiences. If Lucifer saw someone close their eyes and cover their mouth he would assume they were going to yawn, if he saw someone open their arms when approaching a friend he would assume they were going for an embrace. 

But Lucifer had been staring at Alastor for several seconds now and couldn't find anything remotely familiar in his behaviour. And thus, he had absolutely no inkling of what he was doing. 

The sinner was bent over a faucet with one of his hands braced over the mirror and the other pawing at his unclothed chest. He was emitting pained hisses and groans and his grimace barely registered as a smile.

Lucifer's brain jumped to the most obvious explanation : his injury from his fight with Adam.

But when he focused his gaze on the site of the injury he saw nothing but a long, perfectly healed silvery scar on his chest. A chest he didn't recall being this hairy. When he'd healed him after the battle he'd realized the sinner's entire torso was completely covered in a layer of tawny fur, but it had been so fine one had to be at arm's length to even realize it was there. 

Upon looking better it occurred to him it wasn't the only thing that was different, the sinner's nipples seemed inflamed and much bigger than how he remembered them. Not that he'd put any focus on them at all at the time, just enough to register that they’d been perfectly ordinary male nipples. 

And then his eyes widened as he realised they were leaking a thick, white substance.

Oh.

...Oh. 

Suddenly he realized what the sinner had been doing by massaging his chest with his hand. His sudden gasp drew Alastor's attention to him and they starred at one another in silence for several seconds, the longest of Lucifer’s existence.

He stupidly wondered if he should say something, but what would be an appropriate thing to say in these circumstances ? 

Goodluck with that ? Don't forget to wash your hands afterwards ? 

Lucifer felt the completely inappropriate urge to laugh. He distantly acknowledged that it was probably a defense mechanism in the face of something unexpected and absurd. It wouldn’t stay that way, and he knew once the situation finally caught up with him his anxiety would come back to hit him in the face like a boomerang.

His eyes never leaving Lucifer, Alastor slowly released his swollen pectoral as though he was laying down a dangerous weapon and straightened up, looking as dignified as one could with their chest exposed and oozing liquid.

"Your Majesty." He began, his tone was calming but so heavily filtered with static that it barely registered as human. He cleared his throat and tried again in a slightly strained but more normal sounding voice. "Lucifer."

He raised his hands in a placating gesture, one of which was still dripping with-

Milk. It’s milk, call it what it is.

All of a sudden Lucifer realized what this turn of event meant in relation to Alastor’s behaviour this past week. Following him around, meddling with his business, feeding him. He had been so way off base, all morning he’d read everything there was to know about adult male deer and completely skipped all the parts on Doe behavior.

And there it is. The boomerang.

"Lucifer," Alastor repeated, his voice softer than before, almost cajoling. "Lucifer, please calm yourself. Let us have a discussion. Come here."

Lucifer flinched as if he’d been slapped, deeply uncomfortable with the familiarity with which Alastor was now talking to him. As if it was natural for him to address him that way, as if he expected Lucifer to actually obey him.

“Come here.” The Radio Demon repeated, his tone turning desperate as Lucifer took several steps away from him.

His eyes followed Lucifer’s hand as it raised to open a portal, and Lucifer briefly wondered if he was going to try and stop him. If the Radio Demon was fast enough to get to him when he entered the portal Lucifer may be forced to take Alastor with him. Or parts of him. He opened it on the floor, deliberately slowly, and cast Alastor a look he hoped conveyed his meaning.

Don't follow me.  

He jumped into the portal and felt himself be swallowed by the void,  but not before he caught a glimpse of the sinner’s devastated expression.

***

He landed in Charlie’s office and barely kept himself from knocking over a lamp.

“Hey dad !” Charlie exclaimed cheerfully, but she seemed to sober up when she saw his face.

“Dad, is everything alright ?” She inquired and upon hearing her worried tone Vaggie, who had been sitting in an armchair near the window, made her way to them.

“Charlie…” He began.

I caught Alastor milking himself in the bathroom.

No. That still sounded disturbing and insane. And that was a sure sign that the whole situation was completely abnormal, if he ever needed one : he couldn’t state the facts without sounding as though he was having a stroke.

“Alastor has Turned,” He declared.

Charlie froze, and she and Vaggie exchanged a brief look.The fallen Angel was looking pointedly at his daughter, and Charlie cast him a guilty look from underneath her long lashes. 

“We know, Dad.”

Chapter Text

“ ...What ?” Lucifer said, not sure he’d heard correctly. Or at least he hoped he hadn’t heard correctly, because this didn’t make any sense. 

Charlie grimaced, as though saying it a second time was more than she could bear. She turned to Vaggie but for once the fallen angel seemed entirely unsympathetic, which Lucifer found extremely alarming. Vaggie was always on Charlie’s side. 

“We know Alastor has Turned, we’ve known for some time now.” She told him guiltily.

Lucifer looked at her for several seconds, utterly confused. Why would his own flesh and blood keep the truth from him like this ? Why would she let him experience all this self-doubts and anxiety when she’d known the solution was right there ? 

He looked in her eyes and for one terrible moment saw Lilith standing in her place. Lilith, who’d made him question everything he thought was true on a daily basis, even his own feelings. When Charlie tried to take his hand he violently flinched away from her. 

“Dad, please calm down, let me explain !” She pleaded. She once more reached for him, and once more he dodged her hand.

He’d experienced terrible things in his existence, things that no one else would have survived. But he had never doubted his daughter’s character, never doubted that she was his ally, that she was the only good thing that ever happened to him. She’d been the one constant in his life he could rely on.

Until now.

“How could you let me go through all of this without telling me Charlie ?” He asked her, more hurt than angry. “I thought I was going crazy, I thought he was planning something sinister and I was the only one who saw it.”

She looked at him helplessly but said nothing and Vaggie hesitantly took a step forward. 

“Look Lucifer, I know this doesn’t look good and you have every right to be upset. Charlie definitely has some explaining to do,” She began, casting a pointed look at his daughter who shamefully averted her gaze. “You can decide if you want to be angry at her afterwards and no one will blame you, but let her plead her case, you owe her that.” 

Had it been anyone else Lucifer would have gotten defensive, because it would have sounded as though Charlie’s behaviour was merely retribution for all he put her through and it was all he deserved. But her gaze was honest and kind, and Lucifer took it as it was: a gentle reminder that Charlie had chosen to take a chance on him when no one else would have. And now he needed to do the same for her.

As the initial shock dissipated he realized there actually wasn’t a single scenario in his mind where Charlie would have lied because she didn’t care about him. She may have done something bad, but that didn’t mean she’d had bad intentions. It didn't change the outcome, but it did make a difference.

He wordlessly walked to the window and took a seat in the armchair Vaggie had occupied when he entered. He conjured two identical armchairs angled to face him, and gestured for them to join him. 

“Explain.” He ordered, his tone stiff but calmer.

Charlie’s shoulder’s visibly relaxed and she sighed in relief before getting closer. But unlike Vaggie she didn’t take a seat in the armchair, instead she kneeled in front of her father and gently took his hands in hers. Lucifer gave her an hesitant squeeze and looked at her expectantly.

“First of all, I want to say that I know I messed things up. I was trying my best to do the right thing but the situation was terribly complicated and I handled it poorly. I’m sorry, Dad,” She told him, her gaze open and earnest. “But I promise I never, ever wanted you to be hurt or to play against you.”

Lucifer nodded. He was still on edge and uncertain, but he believed her. This was Charlie, his Charlie, and there was no way she would have done anything without thinking of the greater good. She wasn’t her mother. 

“I understand. Why don’t we start at the beginning ?” He asked. “And don’t leave anything out.” He added. “No more secrets.”

His daughter and Vaggie exchanged a look and both nodded. His daughter exhaled deeply, and released his hand to take her seat on the armchair.

“So, you say you know Alastor has Turned. Since when do you know ?” Charlie asked him.

And there it was, the part where they will have to talk about it and Lucifer will have to tell his adult daughter about what had transpired these past few days. Suddenly he wanted to put a term to the conversation and run away. 

You know what Char-Char, I forgive you. I mean, shame on you and all of that but let’s never talk about it again. 

“ Since yesterday,” he forced himself to answer. “I’ve had suspicions before but you all behaved as if nothing was wrong and I didn’t consider the possibility that you’ve been lying to me, so I told myself it was in my head.” he explained, perhaps more bitterly than he intended. 

“I see,” Charlie said, once again looking guilty. “Do you know…what Alastor’s Turning entails ?” She inquired, her tone remarkably calm and professional. If she was as embarrassed as he was she didn’t show it, and Lucifer wondered if she knew what it entailed.

“I think so,” He told her. “Once I was convinced he had Turned I did some research on adult buck behaviour. But…I wasn’t searching at the right place, was I ?” He hesitantly asked. Some part of him was still hoping it was all a misunderstanding. That Charlie’s side of the story will prove him wrong and they’ll laugh about how way off base he’d been. 

“I suppose you didn’t read the section on maternal instincts ?” she asked, more cautiously.

Oh god.

Lucifer felt his face heat up. He’d known of course, after what he’d witnessed earlier there wasn’t any other explanation left for the Radio Demon’s behaviour. Still, hearing it from the mouth of someone else made the whole situation uncomfortably real.

“No. I did not.” He confirmed, a bit stunned.

“Can I ask how you figured it out ? Was there….I mean, did he…?” Charlie tried, looking like someone who was trying to figure out how to pick up an eel, and Vaggie took pity on her. 

“Did he do something to you ?” The fallen angel asked. Straight to the point as always.

“I-He’s been staring at me since the outbreak. Intensely.  At first I thought I was imagining it, but it kept getting worse. Then two days ago he started following me when I went back to my room…”He hesitated and briefly glanced at the girls. 

His daughter cast him an encouraging smile, but it was Vaggie’s watchful gaze that prompted him to continue. There was something steely and fiercely protective in her eyes, and Lucifer found himself both grateful and intimidated to be on the receiving end of such a stare. 

“The first time it happened I was upset after the couple session and he tried to..touch me, I think, I portaled before he could get to me though. Then the next day he grabbed me and he…licked…my face.” He said dejectedly. 

Ugh.That sounded even more insane than in my head.

“That creep ! ” Vaggie groaned as she buried her face in her hands.

“Dad I’m so sorry, you must have been so confused.” Charlie told him, cowering slightly under the reproachful look she was getting from her girlfriend.

“Anything else ? It’s completely suspicious and creepy but I’d be impressed if you’d figured his Turning just from this.” Vaggie mused.

Lucifer’s heart skipped a beat and he briefly wondered if he should tell them about The Milking Incident™. 

But then he remembered Alastor’s face.

It didn’t take a genius to realize the Radio Demon was a proud man, the type who had likely spent all his earthly existence and the next working very hard to be respected, to be feared, to be recognized. Seeing him look this mortified, seeing him lose his composure like that, it had felt wrong and almost tragic. Alastor was not his favourite person, far from it, but for some reason the prospect of revealing something that would completely shatter his dignity didn’t sit right with him. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He decided. Vaggie looked as though she wanted to protest, and Lucifer figured it was probably to have an excuse to go after Alastor with her spear like Captain Ahab chasing after Moby Dick.

“So how long have you known,” He asked them, both because he needed the information  and because he didn’t want to give them the opportunity to insist.

“Do you remember the day you tried to heal Lux ?” Charlie inquired. It was a rhetorical question: Of course he remembered, it was one of the worst moments of his life. But he nodded all the same.

“You passed out at some point because of the pain. We didn’t know what to do, you were completely unresponsive and burning up and Alastor just… lost it.” She said, “He wouldn’t let us near you and when we insisted he tried to attack us. Vaggie and I were worried we might have to fight him to get you back.” 

Lucifer shivered retroactively at the idea that this transpired while he was unconscious and vulnerable. And that he’d woken up being none the wiser.

“He calmed down a little when your vitals stabilized. But he was livid. He started screaming at me…” She continued, she was looking at the floor and Lucifer could see a blotchy blush creep up on her neck. Something he hadn’t seen since he last witnessed Lilith scold her in front of the staff, which she’d liked to do because humiliation is an effective way of making sure the lesson sticks, dear. 

Whatever Alastor had said to her that day must have stuck very well.

“I heard, or I think I did. I was too out of it to make out the conversation though, especially since Lux was screaming too. What did he tell you ?” He inquired gently, and she grimaced.

“Nothing I didn’t deserve to hear. That I had been foolish and irresponsible. That I thought myself so above everyone else, yet I was no better than all the other vultures who tried taking advantage of you all your life. That I was using you like you were an unlimited resource I was entitled to because I was your daughter.” She admitted.

“Charlie…” He began but she raised a hand to placate him.

“No Dad, he was right. I did think of you that way, subconsciously. I guess I believed that you could do anything but choose not to because you didn’t care about the sinners; and that I had to force you to do the right thing. I didn’t realize your limitations, or the price you had to pay. And now that I know what happened with Heaven and…Her…it’s… I was wrong Dad. I should have apologized as soon as you explained it to us, but I was ashamed.” She told him. She looked like she was about to cry and despite her earlier disapproval Vaggie put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

It stung. One part of him had always hoped that somehow, despite everything, Charlie had known exactly who he was all this time. That they shared some sort of magical bond that couldn’t be broken by the distance, the silence, and the missed opportunities. But Charlie was her own person and like any relationship theirs required time and patience and nurturing. He wasn’t owed anything because he was her father. 

“It makes me sad to hear that Charlie, but it doesn’t change anything.You were my child, it was my job to make our relationship work, not yours. I should have found a way to include you and it wasn’t your responsibility to figure me out. But there is still so much I don’t understand about what happened with you and me and…and your mother. I hope you’ll help me make sense of it all, when the time is right.” He admitted.

Charlie looked him in the eyes, just like she did when he told her he would have risked all of Hell just for a chance to save her. 

“We’re going to have to talk about her if we want to move forward, you know ?” She told him softly and he nodded. There will be a time and place for them to try and find the missing puzzle pieces, to put words on the pain.

Later. 

“So, Alastor made a scene.” He reminded her, gently putting the conversation back on its track. He was still supposed to be angry at her, but seeing her desolate expression had watered down his outrage. Charlie cleared her throat and sunk a little deeper into her chair.

“Yeah. But then you started waking up and we needed to care for Lux so we decided to call it a day. Alastor carried you to your room and the day after he acted as if nothing happened.” 

Yeah. He likes doing that.

Lucifer was grateful that he’d been barely conscious when the radio Demon carried him to his room, he didn’t think he could have handled the humiliation otherwise. He wanted to complain that they didn’t get someone else to do it, but at this point he knew he should pick his battles or they’ll still be here tomorrow.  

“Then what happened ?” He inquired. 

We have yet to get to the part where it makes sense that you lied to me and left me to suffer the whims of a dangerous lunatic without so much as a heads-up.

“Obviously I knew something was up. I’ll be honest dad, given his reaction I considered the possibility that you two had a relationship I was unaware of.” She explained.

He choked indignantly, ridiculously offended she’d considered that possibility before she considered the Turning. Or literally anything else. 

“However while I suspect Alastor is a good enough actor to pull this off, I know for a fact you’re not.” She continued. “The Turning was the only other explanation, and when I confronted him about it he immediately confessed.”

“Only because it benefited him. Otherwise that bastard would have lied through his teeth.” Vaggie mumbled bitterly and Charlie looked down.

Why would it benefit him ? 

“Right. Ok, I got the picture. What I don’t understand is why you kept it from me and decided to enable him.” Lucifer told her, and once again she and Vaggie shared a look. He decided he really didn’t like those telepathic conversations those two seemed to have. Every time they did this it meant things were about to get more sordid.

“That is the part you are really not going to like, please try not to get upset Dad.” She requested softly.

So all of the other parts I was supposed to be ok with ?  

“Babe, you’ve got to stop telling people not to get upset. It upsets them.” Vaggie told her and Lucifer wholeheartedly agreed, but he didn’t want to waste anymore time.

“Just tell me what happened Charlie,” He urged her.

“So, I told you before that I learned exorcists could be killed because someone tipped me off.” She explained.

“...Yes ?” Lucifer said, surprised. That was the last thing he’d expected her to say and he decided he had a really bad feeling about this.

“The person who tipped me off was Alastor. He’s the only reason we were even close to ready when the exorcists came, I still don’t know how he discovered it. But he didn’t volunteer the information for free.” She sheepishly admitted.

… Oh no. 

“Charlie. Please, tell me you didn’t make a deal with him…” He implored her.

 This was really, really bad.

“Yes. I did.” She said and Lucifer wanted to shake her.

“Are you insane ?! Didn’t I teach you anything ?! This is “Surviving In Hell 101” : don’t make deals with dealmakers !” He exclaimed.

“That’s exactly what I said !” Vaggie agreed.

“Not helpful Vaggie,” Charlie sighed and Lucifer looked at them incredulously, how could they bicker like everything was fine after giving him such devastating news ?

“Was the deal for your soul ?” Lucifer asked her and he voice broke from his barely concealed his terror. 

Please. Please let it be anything else. Anything but that.

“Of course not !” She cried and Lucifer sagged in the armchair and covered his face with his hands, ready to cry from sheer relief. 

That was still terrible. A deal with someone so powerful and cunning was never something to be taken lightly, but deals could be negotiated, there were technicalities to exploit. Had she sold her soul to Alastor, there would have been nothing Lucifer could have done to help her short of killing the Radio Demon. And even that would have been risky business, some dealmakers were so strong they took their contractee with them in death. 

“I’m not as stupid and naive as everyone thinks I am ! I knew making a deal with Alastor was dangerous and that there would be a price to pay. But it was an emergency and I did what I had to do to protect my people. I still don't regret my decision.”Charlie continued, looking him right in the eye.

Lucifer wanted to protest, tell her that this was ridiculous, that they could have found another solution together. But Charlie hadn’t called him. Because she’d known that all he would have done was attempt to dissuade her from fighting Heaven. 

He did show up to help them, but only because it had been too late and the treaty had already been broken. 

She had been right. The deal had been her only option if she wanted to fight for her people without his assistance.

“I understand.” He told her and saw her eyes widen in surprise. Near her Vaggie threw her arms in the air.

“Not you too ! ” She complained..

“Really ?” Charlie exclaimed. “No ‘We could have done things differently if you’d ask for my help’ speech ?” 

“No. The only thing I would have done was try to stop you, I wish I could tell you I would have changed my mind but that would be a lie. Without my help and with your limited resources and allies the deal was your only option.” He told her and before she could have the opportunity of getting too excited, he raised a hand to stop her.

“That doesn’t mean I will forgive Alastor. You realize that if he really cared for you and the hotel he would have helped you without asking for anything in return, right ?" He asked her. He honestly didn’t understand how she could still work alongside him after such an unforgivable breach of trust. Charlie was naive, despite her protests but she wasn’t stupid.

“I am not defending him dad, but I don’t think he works that way. For him, taking advantage of someone’s weakness to gain more power doesn't necessarily mean he doesn’t care about them. I think he wanted to help me, and he wanted to secure a deal with someone powerful. He probably viewed it as killing two birds with one stone.” She explained. 

Lucifer wasn’t convinced, but disagreeing would only waste their time at that point, a time he’d rather spend figuring out how to get his daughter out of this deal.

“Right. So what’s the deal then ?” he inquired.

“He would tell me something that could change the outcome of the extermination. In exchange I would owe him a favor at a time of his choosing, where I harm no one.” She admitted.

Way too much room for loopholes for my liking. But it could have been worse.

“You do realize that there are plenty of ways he could twist those terms ? You harming no one could mean not harming anyone willingly or knowingly. It could mean you doing nothing while he harms someone else.” He admonished her and was surprised when she flinched and lowered her eyes.

“It doesn’t matter now Dad, he already used it.” She told him.

“For what ?” He inquired. But deep down he already knew the answer. 

“For you.”

***

He also used a portal to get back to his room, he didn't want to risk running into Alastor, or anyone else really.

Somehow the room seemed different now, everything was exactly as he left it this morning. The slept-in state of his bed, the glass of water on his nightstand, his desk cluttered with half-formed ideas and sketches. And yet it felt as though there’d been a shift in reality and everything felt just a little alien, just a little unfamiliar. 

He thought back to Charlie, Alastor, and the deal. Recalling how his daughter had seemed so miserable he’d been tempted to feel sorry for her before he felt sorry for himself.

***

“Charlie, what are the terms ?” He’d asked her, more tired than angry. 

“Nothing bad !” She’d tried reassuring him, but he’d raised a dubious eyebrow in her direction and she’d sheepishly added: “Nothing too bad.”

He’d briefly glanced at Vaggie, and it had been rather obvious from her frowning and her grimace that she disagreed. “Just tell him, Charlie.” She’d ordered, and his daughter had sighed as though she’d hoped to stale longer.

“He asked to be the one to make all the decisions regarding your well-being. He asked that I assist him in all his endeavors to take care of you. And he asked that I did everything in my power to ensure you didn’t find out before he was ready to tell you.” She’d admitted.

Lucifer had nodded, feeling as though a rock had settled at the back of his throat, making it painful to swallow.

“But I didn’t promise that creep anything. I think it was a mistake not to tell you. Charlie begged me to wait but I told her I’d let you know the second I saw you were suffering from it. But now I see it happened anyway. I should have protected you better, I’m sorry Lucifer.” Vaggie said.

“She fought tooth and nail for you, I want you to know that.” Charlie had told him, with a sad smile. “It hurts that it was against me, things have been tense between us since.”

“Thank you Vaggie.” He’d told her. 

Thank you for being the only person who believed I should be responsible for my own fate.

“But that’s a good thing dad ! He left quite a lot of loopholes in this one, he could have asked me to make Vaggie swear to secrecy and chose not to. And as a show of good faith he added another term for my benefit, that he wouldn’t do anything he didn’t think was in your best interest.” She’d offered cheerfully before quickly sobering up when she’d seen his face.

“There is a difference between what he thinks is in my best interest and what actually is in my best interest Charlie. For all we know he could think it’s in my best interest to lock me in my room, or to feed me the bones and blood of his enemies.” He’d explained. And the blood and the bones had been a joke, but then a horrible thought had occurred to him.

What did he put in that soup ? 

“He may have made a deal with me, but there was nothing he nor I could do if you didn’t want to come out of your room. I have to be honest dad, he wanted to come knocking at your door the very next day, but I convinced him that forcing your hand would only make you even more reluctant to accept his…attention. That was the only argument that seemed to outweigh his eagerness to be near you, so I admit I used it quite a lot to keep him in line.” Charlie had explained. 

That had been good advice. If Alastor had tried anything like that Lucifer would have assumed he was crazy (well crazier) and would have made a point of avoiding him like the plague. 

“He was miserable, but he handled your absence remarkably well. I think no one else has managed to resist the Turning for so long before. That has to be a record. But then…” Her voice had faltered.

“But then I did come out on my own.” Lucifer had finished in her place.

“Yes. Dad, I thought it could be good for you, to have someone to care for you without asking for anything in return.” She'd admitted dejectedly. “And he was so overjoyed, I thought having controlled access to you would make him better, not worse. I guess I underestimated the effects resisting his instincts would have on him and it seems they came back full force…”

“We are so sorry Lucifer.” Vaggie had told him.

***

He cast an accusing look at Sir Caraduck who was still waiting for him on the bed and he knew. But the realization wasn’t followed by any emotion, his mind desensitized to shock and surprise after the surreal day he just had. 

When he’d first found Caraduck he’d noticed the duck had a faint, familiar smell that he’d been incapable of placing at the time. 

The smell had been Alastor’s.

He would have expected the sinner to smell like expensive aftershave. Jambalaya. Whiskey. Blood, even. Something that would have made sense in relation to the rest of his personality.

Instead the sinner had smelled like autumn. Something delightful and unexpected, like what cats smelled behind their ears after a long run in the forest, like the air just before a storm.

When Alastor had carried him to his room he had been so out of it he’d barely registered being picked up, let alone by whom. He didn’t know if it had been the rocking motion, or the secure way those long limbs had cradled his body but he’d felt safe. A feeling of safety he’d immediately associated with the smell.

He looked at the plush animal, feeling something akin to betrayal. Because how dare Sir Caraduck bring him comfort and security when he came from such an unwelcome source ? How dare Alastor trick Lucifer into associating him with something positive and reassuring ?

And beneath the betrayal was the burning, all consuming feeling of humiliation. Everything had happened so quickly he hadn’t had the time to ask himself the question that made everything so much worse.

Why me ? 

He already knew the answer. Oh, he could delude himself into thinking it had been purely coincidental. The characteristics of infancy could be universally recognized by mammals, like small size, delicate facial features and big eyes. That was the reason a lactating mother could sometimes be persuaded to adopt an orphaned baby from a different species, leading to truly bizarre combinations, like that tigress that adopted a litter of piglets. Therefore it stood to reason that Lucifer, small and angelic as he was, could have been considered a suitable option. 

But had it been the only deciding factor there would have been plenty of unfortunate souls on whom Alastor could have unleashed his unwanted maternal instincts. Like Niffty, an imp, or better yet an actual child. Those were quite rare in Hell, but he had no doubt Alastor was tenacious enough to procure one Rumplestilskin-style, had he cared to.

Which led him to the only plausible explanation: that he had been so weak, so pitiful, that he had somehow managed to hijack Alastor’s Turning and transformed a serial killer into a glorified surrogate.

***

“Who else knows ?” Lucifer had inquired, gazing at the window instead of his daughter.

“All the staff and Angel Dust. We needed their cooperation to make sure you didn’t find out, they would have pointed out Alastor’s behaviour was suspicious otherwise.” Charlie had confessed. 

Lucifer had stayed silent for several seconds, focusing on the faux-leather of the armchair that was starting to peel off on the armrests.

“I’m not angry at you.” He’d told them absently, picking at the material with his fingers.

“Dad, can you look at me ?” Charlie had asked softly. But he hadn’t. Because she’d obviously wanted to comfort him and that had been unbearable.

When she’d gotten no response she’d tried again.

“Dad…”

And again.

“Dad, you were doing so well…” Charlie had pleaded. 

But I wasn’t though, He’d wanted to tell her. Not without you people meddling with my life.

Instead Lucifer had simply gotten up to slowly go back to the center of the room and summon a portal, making sure to avoid the lamp he’d collided with on his way in.

“Dad ? Dad, where are you going ?” Charlie had inquired, hastily leaving her own seat to go after him.

“Back where I belong.” He’d said, before stepping into the void.

***

He looked at his room. His alien, unfamiliar room.

For months this room had been his entire world, his sanctuary, and he had the terrible feeling that he had outgrown it somehow. That he’d been too tainted by the outside. He desperately wanted to go back. Back to a time where he’d fitted right in there and didn’t have any illusions about himself.

He felt foolish for letting himself believe he was making progress. 

All had been a lie, carefully crafted and endorsed by people whom he’d thought he could trust. But they’d be no different from her, it had been the same idea in a different, kinder package. They must have found him so pathetic and ridiculous.

How was he supposed to become an adult, to become normal when everyone was bent on robbing him of his autonomy ? He hadn’t been doing well before, but at least it had been his doing, his choice.

If he couldn’t survive by his own volition, maybe he should be left to fade away in this room. To melt into the wallpaper until no one would suspect he was even there anymore. 

He locked the door and the windows. Shut the curtains and turned off the lights. He pushed Sir Caraduck out of the way and crawled under the cover. 

And he slept.

Chapter Text

And he woke.

He was shaken from sleep by a knock at the door. It was a hard one, which probably meant the person had been knocking for some time and he slept right through it. He recognized the signs of course, having gone through something similar many times in his existence in Hell. His body was preparing to slip into a deep slumber for the next months and he found he welcomed the lethargy and the numbness. It was a pleasant change compared to his alert but constantly anxious state the previous week. 

The person was still knocking and he stared at the door with irritation, wishing they would go away so that he could resume his nap.

“Dad ! Dad, are you awake ?” A voice called.

He froze, confused and surprised. Not that she was there, he really should have expected her, but that she was on the outside. Charlie respected his privacy, but that had never kept her from coming into his room without permission if he didn’t answer his door, if only to make sure he was alright. The fact that she was still outside after spending at least several minutes banging at the door implied that she couldn’t get in. 

He had spells that would prevent any intruder from getting in his room without his permission, designed to keep everyone out. 

Everyone, except for Charlie. 

She’d somehow always managed to slip past his defenses, even when she was a child. No matter how many charms he’d put on the door, he’d never succeeded in keeping her out of his workshop. Like a little poltergeist she would seemingly appear out of nowhere while he was working on a project, and he would spend the next hours running after her to make sure she didn’t break anything or impale herself on one of his sharp tools. And even when Charlie grew up she’d always been able to enter every space he occupied, no matter how well protected it was. Because she was his heart, and he couldn’t deny her anything, even subconsciously 

Until now. 

He hadn’t lied when he’d said he wasn’t angry at her. When he pictured his daughter’s earnest, beautiful face he felt nothing but love and sadness. 

He understood that the situation had been tricky, with too many ramifications to consider. And there wasn’t a single arrangement that would have made everyone happy.

 A deal was a deal. Alastor may have left room for loopholes, but exploiting them would have put Charlie in a very difficult position. She needed the Radio Demon, she’d depended on his power and influence since the day he’d showed up at her door to volunteer his services.  And one could argue it was thanks to him that her project could thrive today. Lucifer on the other hand was powerful and willing, but unstable. He couldn’t be relied upon to keep the hotel afloat should the Radio Demon decide to take his business somewhere else. Charlie had taken the decision that ensured the success of her hotel and Lucifer was almost impressed with her for that.

His daughter may have the reputation to be naive and wear her heart on her sleeves, but he was starting to discover she could be quite pragmatic when the situation called for it.

And deep down he knew some of it had been for his benefit too. What must she have felt, watching her father lock himself in his room and drift away like that ? Desperate situations called for desperate measures, as they said. And what could be more perfect than this ? Lucifer needed to be nursed back to health and cared for, and here was a person with a pathological need to do exactly that. It must have seemed so perfect. So convenient. Lucifer’s freedom and his dignity must have felt like such small prices to pay.

So he understood. And he wasn’t angry.

But that doesn't mean I have forgiven her, or the door wouldn’t be closed right now. 

He didn't know whether Charlie had noticed, or if she understood what it meant because she continued without missing a beat.

 “You didn’t show up for lunch. We agreed that you’d accept to have your meals brought to your room on your cheat days, remember ? So I bought you your soup. I admit it looks delicious, maybe I should ask him for the recipe ! ” She told him in a light tone, probably because she thought a mundane subject of conversation would lull Lucifer into a sense of security.

Unfortunately she was wrong. 

As far as he was concerned The Soup had been the instrument of his deceit. Alastor had successfully forced his way into Lucifer’s life because he’d accepted to depend on him for something so harmless and insignificant. He should have known nothing was ever given to him for free, not even a simple bowl of soup.

Not to mention he now suspected the sinner of having done unspeakable things to it and he shuddered. He’d rather starve than get anywhere near this cursed beverage of chaos.

When it was clear he wouldn’t respond Charlie sighed on the other side of the door and he heard the soft thud of porcelain on the floor.

“I’ll leave it right here, try to eat Dad. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

He waited for her footsteps to disappear before falling back on the bed and looked at the window. A single ray of light filtered through the curtains and seemed to cut the room in half. He observed the dust particles dancing in the light, only disturbed by his quiet breathing. 

And he slept.

***

And he woke.

He felt it before he was fully alert, an acute feeling of wrongness that tugged at the corners of his mind like clutching hands. He jolted in alarm and blindly looked around. The room was dark and silent, the air completely still. He looked at his phone. 1 AM. 

"Your Majesty." He heard from outside the door and his heart almost jumped out of his chest. He froze, not even daring to breathe.

"Your Majesty, I know you are awake. I know you can hear me.” Alastor said, and Lucifer felt uncomfortably exposed. He tried telling himself there was no way for Alastor to know any of those things, and yet somehow he was certain the sinner wasn’t bluffing. ”I can appreciate how disturbed you must have felt after witnessing…this. Be assured that I never intended for you to find out that way or for you to see me in such a state. Please, may we discuss this ?" The Radio Demon asked.

His voice was calm and perfectly even, the radio filter barely noticeable. He sounded neutral and almost businesslike, but Lucifer knew better. He said nothing, the prospect of having to speak to Alastor unbearable. He couldn't, not now that he knew. 

"You haven't eaten anything," The sinner lamented, his tone softer still. "If you do not want the soup I will make you something else. Anything you want, you only have to ask." 

I don't want anything from you. 

"Very well. Please rest, I shall come back later." Alastor said and there was only stillness once more. Lucifer stayed perfectly still for several minutes, fearing it was a ruse and the sinner was still on the other side of the door, ready to harass him at the first sign of movement. After several minutes of complete stillness he laid back down on his pillows and looked blindly at the ceiling until his eyes grew used to the darkness and he could see it’s vaulted structure.

And he slept. 

***

And he woke. 

The knocks on his door sounded a bit more urgent now, a bit quicker.

"Dad ? It's me again. So...you didn't come down today either and you didn’t eat anything. That wasn’t what we agreed on…" Charlie said uncomfortably, as though reminding him of their agreement was making her feel guilty. “Would you mind if we talked ?” She inquired uncertainly.

Talking was always Charlie’s response to everything and Lucifer knew some part of it could probably be attributed to the fact that he and her mother had been so secretive with her. So unwilling to communicate with one another, or with their subjects. 

But they already talked and he already gave her his forgiveness. What more could be said ? She was even more sorry for breaking his trust and making him feel like a worthless, pathetic idiot ? Did she want to double down on how doing this to him had been her only viable option ? 

Lucifer suddenly realized there was literally nothing she could say right now that would make him feel better, except maybe ‘Dad the virus has disappeared ’ or ‘ Dad, Alastor is cured and he hates you again ’. But as those scenarios were unlikely to happen for now he didn’t have anything to say to her. He wondered briefly if he should let her know he was alright. He really wasn’t, maybe she'd leave him alone after that. 

"Dad ?" She tried again, and there was a nervousness in her tone that probably didn't only have to do with her worry for him. "Dad I understand you are upset, you have every right to be. But the situation is bigger than all of us and it would really, really make things easier if you cooperated." She said, and she must have cringed as much as him at her choice of wording because she immediately corrected herself. “Not that you owe us anything, but things are very complicated right now.”

I don't care.

That was the problem wasn't it ? Her hotel and her redemption problem and the drama surrounding the virus seemed so far away right now. He felt like he'd be able to sleep right through them if. Everyone. Stopped. Bothering him. He'd slept through wars and uprisings, why not this ? He stayed silent and for a moment he wondered if she would try to insist, but she only cleared her throat.

"Right. I guess I'll leave you alone then. I bought you your soup, try to eat that one ok ? And please think about what I said. You know where to find me if you change your mind, and we can work everything out together."

He laid back down, focusing on how his breathing affected the dust particles in that single ray of light. He tried deepening his breathing so that he could see the dance and swirl a bit longer and mused that he must be inhaling some of them as well.

And he slept. 

***

And he woke.

The same feeling of wrongness gripped his chest and Lucifer drew a silent, shuddering breath. Once again he knew who was at the door even before the person spoke, and he could almost pinpoint the exact moment Alastor realized he was awake, which deeply disturbed him.

“Your Majesty. Please at least tell me you are alright, surely that isn’t too much to ask. A single word, and I shall be on my way.” Alastor’s voice was still even and deceptively reassuring but there was an edge to it. Little flickers of static here and there that he couldn’t seem to keep under check and it made Lucifer sick to his stomach. 

He didn’t reply and hid under his duvet as though it could shield him from the Radio Demon’s unwanted scrutiny. 

“Fine.” Alastor said, but the tension in his voice made it clear it wasn’t fine at all, it was actually reminiscent of the tone the sinner used with him prior to his Turning.”I understand. At least stop starving yourself, you are only making things more difficult for everyone.” He said. 

Lucifer gritted his teeth. He’s heard similar words before, from someone else. He was familiar with the guilt and self-disgust they aroused in him. Why are you being difficult, dear ? This is just a meal, you are inconveniencing everyone.

It took him longer to come down from the heightened state of stress he worked himself to, he gripped his duvet in his fists as he struggled to calm his breathing and, pathetically, wished he could cuddle with Sir Caraduck. 

And he slept. 

***

And he woke. 

Charlie’s knocks at the door were so strong now he had no doubt she would have hurt herself if she’d been anyone else. 

“Dad, it’s me again. Please open the door.” She pleaded.

He was disoriented for a moment and realized it was because of the lighting. He didn’t remember how long he slept but the ray of light hit the room at a different angle, which led him to believe it was either later or earlier in the day than when Charlie last came to see him. He was so exhausted he would have fallen asleep again if his daughter hadn’t resumed her frantic knocking. 

“Things are getting out of hand Dad, I really need you to get over your anger and help us defuse the situation. Please, I’m not sure we can do this without you.” She pleaded, but Lucifer stayed silent. It didn’t matter anymore. 

 She uttered a cry of frustration.

“Please dad ! I’m sorry, alright ? I’m sorry I broke your trust, I will never do it again. Please come out, I’m sure I can find a way to make everyone happy !” She insisted. 

And Lucifer felt sorry for her. Charlie had the makings of a great monarch, better than Lilith. Certainly better than him. But she hadn’t yet grasped the fact that she couldn’t save everyone, that she couldn’t make everyone happy. He too, had been like her, before he Fell. He’d been too naive, too fragile to handle the reality of what it meant to be a ruler, to hold the fate of millions of souls between his hands. But Charlie was stronger. She will accept it one day. And maybe then it will be a good thing that she was neither too much like him or too much like Lilith. 

But not today. 

When she spoke again her tone was resigned.

“I-I bought you your soup. At least take a spoonful or two ? It would go a long way. I tried emptying the bowl before Alastor came to collect it yesterday but somehow he knew you hadn't touched it and he…he wasn’t happy about it.” She offered softly and once again he heard the soft sound of the bowl being deposited on the floor.

The light and the dust particles were all wrong now, and Lucifer frowned and covered his face with the duvet.

And he slept.

***

And he woke. 

And he waited anxiously for what he knew was going to happen, his breathing quick and shallow. It was like having the same fever dream over and over again.

“Your Majesty, I am sorry for snapping at you yesterday. It was unbecoming of me, please forgive me.” Alastor muttered. His voice was heavily filtered and sounded strangely muffled, as though he was speaking directly against the door. When he got no reaction the feedback grew louder and messier, like a radio tuning itself and flickering between different stations. But it was too fast for Lucifer to make out the little bits of songs or conversations. 

“Please. Allow me to make everything better, you wouldn’t have to worry about a single thing. I only want what is best for you.” The Radio Demon cajoled, the radio interferences getting louder and louder until Lucifer had to cover his ears with his hands to ignore the noise. 

Lucifer whimpered and rocked himself back and forth and barely registered when the noise stopped. 

He let himself fall back unto the bed, still curled into fetal position. 

And he slept. 

***

And he woke.

He patted blindly around him to make sure he was still in bed. Panicked. It was dark, which meant Charlie hadn’t come to see him today, otherwise it would have been light. Or maybe she did come and he hadn’t woken up ? Or he didn’t remember. He couldn’t remember how many days it’s been since he went to sleep. 

He was already trembling with anticipation and anxiety. He considered escaping to the bathroom. Or better yet, escaping to the palace. It was the safest place in all of Hell, tasked for millennia to protect the realm's most precious asset: himself.

And yet Lucifer felt a strange feeling of helplessness and resignation. Because somehow he knew Alastor would follow him to the edge of the world, and hiding would only force the demon to find new, dirtier, crueler tricks to get access to him. 

“Your Majesty please.” Alastor begged, his feedbacks high pitched and plaintive.

Stop.

“Lucifer. Please don’t do this to me. Please, let me hear your voice. Let me see you. Please let me in. Let me in. Let me in.” His desperate pleas were joined by the unmistakable sound of cracking wood, and Lucifer knew the sinner's claws must have dented the door.

Stop it. 

Lucifer felt a burning, crushing wave of anxiety rise in his chest and he fisted his hair and hid his face in his knees, only to almost jump out of his skin when a loud bang resounded in the room. 

“L̸̲͖͗͠E̸̱̯͆T̴̺̕ ̴̥̥͗M̵̳̘̏Ȩ̷̘̎ ̷̠̦̀I̶̹̪͝Ṋ̵̔͊ !“ 

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

“Leave me alone !” Lucifer cried but he sounded broken and breathless. He was hyperventilating and dizzy. It was like his airways were completely closed, making it painful and difficult to inhale.

Both the feedback and the banging stopped and the room was silent once more. 

“I’m sorry Lucifer, I’m so sorry. Lucifer breath.” Alastor begged softly and Lucifer let out a pained whimper on his next exhale. 

“Breath.” The Radio Demon beseeched him. 

Lucifer almost wanted to let himself pass out from lack of oxygen just to be contrary, but he was now convinced it would cause the demon to have a heart attack from sheer anguish and he would have to come out of his room to resuscitate him.

We are such a mess.

 Instead he chose to focus his attention not on the demon himself, but on the radio static that had lowered to a soft murmur that sounded like rainfall. He closed his eyes.

And he slept. 

***

And he woke.

But neither to Charlie’s overly caffeinated little knocks or Alastor’s banging or scratching, which was new. He had almost forgotten there were other people but those two in the hotel who could come to bother him. 

“Lulu !” A voice half hissed, half whispered behind the door. As though the person wanted to catch his attention without being heard. “Lulu, get your little angelic ass over here and let me in !” 

Angel ?

Lucifer sighed irritably, he didn’t get this endless parade of people showing up at his door the last time he decided to take a two month long nap. He was prepared to go back to sleep, because he at least had to be consistent when he ignored people but Angel insisted.

“Lulu ! It’s not safe out there, hurry up !” And the alarm in the spider demon’s voice made him pause and dread seeped through his consciousness. 

Were they under attack ? Had there been another outbreak he was unaware of ? When Charlie had spoken of a crisis earlier he’d assumed it had to do with the management of the hotel. Surely if it was something more serious she would have told him.

He got up, briefly wondering if he should use his powers to clean up the room before deciding that he didn’t care. Angel could judge him if he wanted, the state of his living space was none of his business. 

He went to open the door and to his utter astonishment Angel pushed right past him before he could invite him in. 

"You took your sweet time !” Angel complained, seemingly oblivious to the incredible feat he just performed by entering Lucifer’s room without his permission. 

“Look, I heard you were under siege. I bought supplies," he declared. Lucifer lowered his gaze and sure enough the demon’s six arms were brandishing several packets of what looked like different flavours of crisps, chocolates and candies as well as a huge shaker of unknown content.

Lucifer stared at him with a blank expression, completely at a loss for what to do. The familiarity that had begun to set between them this past week had disappeared, replaced by wariness and uncertainty. Angel had made him feel included and welcome and normal. He'd thought the demon wanted to be his friend. 

But now that he was aware the crew knew of his difficulties all along, that they'd been briefed about it and instructed to act normal around him he wondered if any of it had been real.

Perhaps some of it had been, but what kind of friendship could bloom when the relationship started off so unbalanced ? When all his weaknesses had been on display from the very beginning, shared without his consent ? 

He opened his mouth to send Angel away, telling him to save his breath, that he wasn't interested in participating in this charade anymore. 

And yet, he found he didn’t want to. 

Because Angel's eyes were honest and full of worry, and what came out instead of actual human language was a raw, plaintive whimper that seemed to originate from the very center of his being. 

The demon cast him an alarmed look and Lucifer brought his hands to his misbehaving mouth, only to realize the corners of his lips were already turning downward. Before he realized it his whole face contorted almost painfully and he was suddenly bursting into tears. 

"What the- ! Shit, shit don’t cry !" Angel exclaimed.

 He used to cry a lot after The Fall.

Because his broken, mangled halo and wings had hurt so much. Because he'd missed his siblings. Because life in Hell had been hard, and he'd been starving and exhausted from having his power constantly sucked away to power the realm. 

 Lilith had been sympathetic at the beginning. She would sit with him and pet his hair or pat his back, and if her comfort had always felt a bit condescending or forced it had been better than nothing.

Time eased his pain, as it does everything. And there'd been joy along the way. But he never fully recovered, never became fully functional, just like a broken bone that never mended itself properly. And as Hell grew so did Lilith's frustration with him and his recurring state of melancholy. 

They'd had riches, they'd had power, they'd had their people. And more importantly they'd had each other. What was it going to take for Lucifer to be happy with the life they had ? To stop grieving the one he lost ? 

And she’d begun acting as though it was a personal insult everytime he would cry, because it must have been about her, it must have been because Lucifer found her lacking, because she wasn’t enough. Suddenly she’d looked at his crying face like she couldn’t stand the sight of him. As though he was something slimy and pathetic, like a slug or a toad. And he'd started feeling small and disgusting too under that stare. And he’d known that she didn’t respect him anymore.

He’d started crying less and less after that, not because he hadn’t felt the need, but because he hadn’t wanted to upset her. And life had been good once more. 

Sometimes he would cry when he was alone and Lilith would be none the wiser. Sometimes he would cry when he was alone and Lilith would suspect that he’d cried, and she would punish him. 

Mainly by pointing out how unattractive he was when he cried, how unpleasant it was to kiss a snotty, puffy face, how ridiculous and undignified his sobs and whimpers sounded. And when they’d happened to have an audience she would drag them into it too. She would ask the staff 'Doesn't my husband look ugly when he cries ?' And they would comply, because they were scared of her 'Yes Your Highness, he does.'

He never willingly cried in front of everyone ever again. And even when he was alone he made sure to do it quietly, dignifiedly, whatever that looked like.

But apparently all it took was one Angel Dust to open the floodgates. Not only was he crying, but he was crying without any trace of restraint, weeping and blubbering like a child.

" Lulu calm down ! Do you want to see Charlie ? Let me go get Charlie-!" Angel began, and he was about to turn around but Lucifer suddenly seized one of his thin wrists.

He tried saying "no" but it felt like his airways were completely blocked and he was unable to breath. When he succeeded in making a sound it was another guttural whimper, followed by another fit of sobs. But Angel seemed to understand him all the same.

"Fine ! Fine, no Charlie ! I-I get it, but Lulu we need to close the door before Smiles hears you. In his current state he might kill me if he sees I made you cry !" Angel urged and at the mention of Alastor Lucifer nodded weakly and released him, still sobbing. 

The spider demon closed the door with his leg and put all the packets and the shaker on his desk before coming back to Lucifer and embracing him without hesitation.

Angel seemed to care nothing for the fact that men were not supposed to touch one another with the exception of hearty handshakes and awkward pats on the back. He hugged with his whole body, one pair of hands petting Lucifer’s hair and the other two firmly stroking his back and holding his waist. And he didn’t complain even once about how ugly his face looked or how ridiculous he sounded and how he was ruining his jacket with his snot and his tears. 

He shushed him gently and whispered reassuring nonsense in his ear until the cries abated and Lucifer felt as though he had just evacuated years of anguish by his eyeballs.

“How d’you feel ?” Angel asked him.

Lucifer gently dislodged himself from the demon’s limbs and  pondered for a moment. He felt a lot of things, many of which he couldn’t or didn’t want to identify. But there was one thing that felt safe to say.

“Hungry.” 

Angel’s widened and it looked like he was holding back a smile. 

“What do you feel like eating ?” He asked him and Lucifer knew he should really, really consider eating something healthy and nutritious. But the prospect made him feel queasy and overwhelmed. Angel had asked him what he wanted to eat, and surely eating something was still one step forward. 

“Chocolate.” He declared. 

“Coming right up !” The demon exclaimed and recovered all the packets and the shaker from the desk.

Lucifer stood awkwardly near his bed, suddenly unsure of what to do. It was the first time he invited someone in his room who wasn't Charlie and he was out of his depth. Angel seemed to sense his unease because he made a show of turning to the window and gesturing at it with all his arms despite holding the bags. 

"You've got to be kidding me ! You have a balcony ?! How come I didn't get a balcony ! Don't think I won't use my new status as your bestie to ask for special treatment Lulu !" He told him with a mock stern tone and Lucifer's anxiety dissipated, replaced by relief.

He cleared his throat and tentatively gestured at a red bag from a brand he didn’t recognize.

"Pass me the truffles and I'll make you one," He said. But it wasn’t exactly a joke because he had every intention of doing just that. 

"How 'bout we snack out there then ? The view's beautiful." Angel said, after tossing him the bag.

 Lucifer wiped the tears that still covered his cheeks with his sleeve, and with a snap of his fingers opened the window and summoned two long chairs and a small table before gesturing to the spider demon to go outside.

"Show off. Use that trick of yours and get us two glasses will you ? I didn’t have enough hands." Angel instructed while placing the rest of the packets and the shaker on the table. 

"What's this ?" Lucifer inquired.

"Margaritas," Angel declared. " The proper drink when you're under siege." 

"Is that so ? I never heard of that tradition." Lucifer chuckled.

"No ? Well it dates back to the Alamo in 1836, how'd you figure Jim Bowie convinced everyone to take out their dicks and face South ?" Angel deadpanned and Lucifer tried and failed to stifle his giggle before obligingly summoning two Margarita glasses. 

Angel poured both of them a drink and raised his glass with a smile.

“To friendship or whatever !” He offered and Lucifer clicked his glass with his.

To friendship indeed.

Chapter Text

One of the most convenient things about Angel Dust was that he talked so much he barely required his participation. Most people would probably find that irritating, but Lucifer decided he found it comforting. The spider demon had a knack for dissipating the awkwardness that often lingered in every conversation Lucifer was a part of and for once Lucifer didn’t worry about filling the silences, or trying to figure out what the person he was talking to wanted him to say, or if he had somehow offended them.

By their second glasses Lucifer had learned Angel’s favourite dish was chicken parmesan, that his astrological sign was Aries, and that he liked to crochet.

By their third glasses Lucifer had learned Angel’s pet pig Fat Nuggets was a rescue, that he’d secretly dreamed of becoming a lawyer when he was alive and that his name was Anthony. 

By their fourth glasses Lucifer had learned that most of Angel’s family was in Hell but he didn’t wish to reconnect with most of them. He’d learned that the one he did want to reunite with was his sister Tina but that he never found her, which meant she had either been sent to heaven or exterminated.

And he’d learned Angel still had nightmares about Valentino. 

“I’m sorry this happened to you.” Lucifer told him honestly, though his speech was more slurred than before.

“Not your fault.” Angel sighed but Lucifer frowned at him.

“It is, a little. I don’t exactly know how soul ownership came to be but I could have tried to put a stop to it. But each time I would bring it up Lilith would tell me soul ownership is ‘ The Backbone Of Our Economy’, whatever that meant.” He mused. 

It occurred to him that a monarch ought to know about economy, politics, and law. That’s what you have me for, dear. Lilith had often said. He’d listened to her and here he was now, wholly unprepared to rule and ignorant about matters that would have made him capable of helping his friend. He swore to himself he would look into it later.

“I get it Lulu. I know how it feels when you’re under the thumb of an abusive partner.” The demon said cautiously, his eyes never leaving Lucifer’s face.

“Lilith wasn’t abusive.” He denied it automatically.

He didn’t have a clear idea of what the word abuse meant exactly. But what came to mind was generally images of battered women with sad eyes, covering their bruises with makeup. Angel fitted the description well-enough, despite not being a woman. Lucifer had seen him come back from a shooting with a black eye or a dislocated shoulder before. But he’d never once thought the term could one day be applied to him.

“There’s more than one way for a relationship to be abusive, Lulu.” Angel told him gently and Lucifer pushed his glass towards him.

“I’m not drunk enough for this.”

Angel snorted but humoured him and Lucifer sipped on the beverage thoughtfully.

“Lilith didn’t hit me, like Valentino hit you.” He finally declared, looking into the bottom of his glass as though he could read his future in the crushed ice.

“Y’know, hitting me isn’t the worst thing he’s done to me.” Angel offered.

“What was the worst thing then ?” Lucifer inquired, before wondering if it was appropriate to ask this outright. But if Angel was offended by his callousness he didn’t show it.

“He made me feel…like I was worthless. He made me believe that I was stupid, a good for nothing. That  wouldn’t survive a day without him. He didn’t only steal my freedom and my soul when I signed this fucking contract, he stole who I was . I thought I was lost forever, that I would never find myself again.” Angel said and Lucifer was watching him, more than a little bit shaken.

“Did you ever find it again ?” He asked in a voice so soft and fragile it was almost a murmur. “Who you are ?” Somehow he didn’t think he could bear it if the answer was no. He desperately needed Angel to say yes, for both their sakes.

“Yeah I did. Someone made me realize I wasn’t lost at all to begin with, I was just…misplaced. Not gonna lie though, there’s some days when I don’t know who I am even now. But it’s getting better.” the spider demon explained.

“Whoever helped you is a very good person,” Lucifer remarked.

“He’s not perfect, but neither am I. And he was there when I needed him, that’s good enough for me.” Angel smiled, and it was the same smile he wore when he and Husk bantered at the bar and he was watching the bartender pretend to be offended by his advances. Suddenly Lucifer had an inkling of who that someone might have been.

“I don’t know who I am either.” Lucifer admitted. “Which is strange because almost everyone in the world knows my name, or some version of it. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of who I am but me. Lilith certainly liked telling me who I was.” 

“How would she do that ?” Angel inquired softly.

“I didn’t notice she was doing it at first. Well, to be honest I think I didn’t even notice that I had noticed before I came to the hotel. It was just a random phenomenon that had no name and no meaning before but she would often contradict me. Not on general subjects, like is chocolate better than vanilla ice cream or some such, but on personal things. First it was things we experienced together, I’d recall a particular event and she would correct me on how it happened. And even when I was absolutely certain I got it right she would act as though it was physically imposible for her to be wrong. And when I got upset she’d tell me I was too sensitive and then she would leave me alone so that I could “cool down” before talking to her again, because she wouldn’t suffer my tantrums. And I was so ashamed because the more she did that, the more upset I was and the more convinced I became that she was actually right, I was crazy. And if I had proof that she had been wrong all along she would only tell me that I was petty and irrational for taking things so far  to prove her wrong.” Lucifer explained, before glancing at Angel. 

The sinner hadn’t interrupted him even once but he didn’t look bored or like he wasn’t paying attention, he was simply looking at Lucifer and listening. 

“And then she started doing it with things that didn’t even concern her, things that only happened to me. I would tell her how I felt about a situation, and she would tell me I was wrong for feeling that way. Sometimes she would tell me how I felt, for example I would say I didn’t like something and she would tell me I was mistaken, I actually loved it.” Lucifer admitted. “I never told anyone that before.”

Angel whistled as he sagged on his long chair.

“That’s some next level gaslighting. And to think you lived with her for millennia in complete isolation, without ever seeing anything different. No wonder you were all confused when we started implying your marriage was unhappy.” The spider demon commented.

“You don’t think I’m stupid ?” Lucifer inquired. 

“Do you think I’m stupid for signing a contract with Val ?” Angel countered. 

“Of course not.” Lucifer answered honestly. “But you didn’t have much of a choice, you were vulnerable and placed in impossible circumstances.”

“You were cast down to a post-apocalyptic wasteland by the people you considered your family, with the woman who started it all as your only company. I think you win, Lulu.” Angel chuckled.

Lucifer let out a disbelieving little laugh of his own, in all his millennia of existence he hadn’t once considered everything might not be entirely his fault. He laid down on his own armchair sideways, and silently observed the demon’s chest rise and fall. And for several minutes none of them talked.

“Sooo...you're going to hide in there forever ?" Angel asked him while inspecting his nails, feigning disinterest. 

"No. Only until Alastor dies or I die," Lucifer deadpanned as he righted himself enough to take a sip of his drink. 

"You know what ? Good for you." Angel decided as he crossed two of his hands behind his neck, and Lucifer cast him a surprised look.

"Really ? You're not going to tell me I should be reasonable and let him have his way ? That it's the best thing to do for everyone ?" Lucifer asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow at him.

"Why the heck would I do that ? I'm not gonna throw you at him like I'd throw a bone at a rabid hyena hoping he won't eat me. Ever heard of ‘don’t negotiate with a terrorist ’ ? Yeah it sucks that he's pretty much useless now that you're gone…and that he’s terrorizing the guests… But Charlie should have thought about that before she built her entire management around a fucking psycho." Angel told him.

Lucifer relaxed in his seat and let his head fall backward, observing the sky for a moment. Deep down he knew that letting Alastor have his way was indeed the best option for everyone. The only option, really. But he didn't want to be reminded of it, he wanted to pretend he had a choice for just a little bit longer. 

“I’m sorry Lulu, you know ?” Angel offered softly.

“About what ?” Lucifer inquired.

“About participating in this fucking charade, keeping everything from you. It was a major dick move. I see it now," He admitted and Lucifer looked down with a pained grimace.

“I-Thank you for saying that. I was more humiliated than angry. That you all knew about my…issues from the beginning. It made me wonder if anything was real, if I could still trust you or if you were all pretending to act friendly with me when you really thought I was pathetic.” Lucifer said. ”And of course the part where you abandoned me in the dubious hands of an unstable psychopath didn’t help either.”

“You’re not pathetic Lulu.” Angel firmly told him. “And obviously I’m sorry for enabling Smiles too, but to be fair we didn’t know much about what was going on.”

“Well apparently I’m so tiny and pitiful I somehow managed to awaken Alastor’s inner Mother Deer. And now he's chasing after me to feed me soup.” Lucifer mumbled.

Among other things.

“Ohh that makes a lot of sense ! Y’know what ? It’s actually better than what I’d imagined. I thought he wanted to mate with you or something and his shenanigans were part of some fucked up courtship ritual.” Angel mused and Lucifer almost choked on his drink.

He vigorously nodded, shivering in horror as he imagined Alastor courting him. Suddenly he thought being the recipient of the Radio Demon's misguided motherly instincts wasn’t that terrible anymore. 

"So Charlie didn't tell you all about my problems ?" Lucifer inquired in a small voice. 

"Nah, of course not. In fact she hardly told us anything, just that Smiles was probably gonna act insane around you 'cause of his Turning and we should act as though nothing was wrong because she didn’t wanna spook you. But she didn't say anything about you." Angel explained.

"Oh," Lucifer said. It was still a breach of his trust, but not quite as bad as he'd first thought. They didn't sit around a table to discuss everything that was wrong with him or whatever his paranoid mind came up with in the throes of his misery.

"I gotta be honest Lulu, it was obvious you were struggling with something," Angel offered while looking at him guiltily, and when he saw Lucifer tense he softly added. "But we didn't, like, discuss it behind your back or judge you for it. In fact, given everything that's happened to you, I'm surprised you're not more messed up." 

Lucifer sighed and curled up on himself to rest his cheek on one of his knees. Angel crouched on the floor to get to the level of Lucifer's small form but didn't touch him. 

"Hey," He gently said. " It's ok."

"But it's not though. I'm a grown-up, I'm a ruler. I have an adult daughter. I shouldn't be struggling to do ridiculously simple things like getting out of bed or feeding myself." He muttered against the fabric of his pants. "I'm not normal." 

"Lulu, you have a screwed up view of yourself you know that ? D’you realize everything you’ve done ? You sacrificed everything because you wanted to do the right thing, I don't know many people who would’ve had the balls to do the same. You've built everything in Hell from the ground up, not to mention you're the powerhouse of the motherfucking realm ! Who cares if you've no energy to flip some eggs in a pan ? Anyone else in your place would have hired an army of minions to feed them, bath them and even wipe their ass !" Angel exclaimed and Lucifer snorted in his margarita.

After a few seconds Angel joined him in laughter and all the tension Lucifer hadn’t been aware he held in his shoulders melted away. 

“Look,” Angel said after clearing his throat. “Whatever you decide, it doesn’t have to mean anything about you. If you decide you wanna keep chilling in your room for a bit longer then great; more power to you. If you wanna receive help from someone who isn’t a psycho who’s obsessed with you that’s fine. And if you feel comfortable enough to accept Smile’s help so he doesn’t go crazy then it’s ok too, but that doesn’t mean you would owe him anything. In fact that creep would owe you a favor. But there’s no scenario that will make you less Lulu.” Angel concluded.

“Is that really as easy as that ? I do what I feel like doing without worrying about how it looks or what's the right thing to do and everyone just…accepts it and moves on ?” Lucifer asked dubiously.

"We all have things going on Lulu, not just you. You gotta stop thinking that everyone's normal and you're the only weirdo sitting on the sideline by yourself. We ain't normal either, we're just a bunch of misfits trying to make it into this shitty world by banding together. We’re all losers baby !” Angel said with a smile.

Lucifer looked at him more closely. The city skyline shed light on his profile and it occurred to him that Angel was quite beautiful. He’d always thought he was objectively attractive of course, but there was something about the way he looked now, wistful and honest and just a little bit broken that took his breath away. He understood why Husk had fallen in love with him.

There were probably self help books that spewed the exact same thing, minus the crude language. And yet hearing it from Angel felt raw and real and Lucifer almost believed him. 

The sinner truly was fascinating. He never would have expected someone so outwardly superficial to be able to feel things so deeply. Then again, maybe he was the one who was superficial, so focused on his self-loathing he somehow forgot he wasn't the only one with complex emotions. He'd thought he wasn't doing others any harm by thinking everyone else was doing so much better than him all the time. But maybe by doing this he was denying them the right to be humans.

“Will you come back, sometimes ?” Lucifer inquired softly, and his pesky fear of rejection was instantly appeased by the bright smile he received.

“Tell you what, let’s make today our official “margarita night” ! We’ll have a sleepover, get smashed, eat junk food and badmouth the people we don’t like ! How’s that sound ?” Angel asked.

Lucifer pondered for a moment, aware of the implications. That his nap was over, that he’ll endeavour to find a semblance of normalcy again, that he’ll make himself available. 

And yet as he took in his friend's laughing, earnest eyes he realized it might just be worth it.

“I think I’d like that very much.” He declared.

“Great, you have yourself a deal Lulu !” Angel exclaimed but he didn’t offer Lucifer his hand to shake. And just like that the word remained a word, without obligation, without soul-binding magic. Without fear. 

Before he could think better of it Lucifer clumsily wrapped his arms around his friend’s slender shoulders and dragged him in a very awkward, very uncomfortable approximation of a hug. And Angel simply chuckled and hugged him back.

"You're a weird one Lulu." He said.

"So are you," he countered, and this time he didn't feel the need to check if Angel was offended. 

We're in this together. 

***

“You sure you’re gonna be ok ?” Angel inquired, stretching all his limbs and momentarily becoming even taller than he already was.

“I’ll be alright, I think.” Lucifer told him. Then he looked at his friend and added “Thank you Angel. 

“Anytime Your Highness.” The spider demon cooed, before attempting the most ridiculous curtsy Lucifer had ever seen in his life. 

“That was terrible.” Lucifer decided with a grimace, and Angel put all his hands on his hips, falsely offended.

“Yeah, well you try it with six arms !” Angel protested and Lucifer once again marveled at how easy it was to talk with him. He would miss that effortless trust, especially considering who he was going to have to talk to next.

He suddenly realized that Angel was looking apprehensively at the door, as though unwilling to go out. And it probably wasn’t only because he didn’t want to part from Lucifer either.

“Is something the matter ?” Lucifer inquired and Angel frowned slightly.

“It’s just…Could you maybe portal me back to my room ? I wasn’t kidding when I said Smiles might kill me if he knew I was with you,” Angel laughed nervously as he rubbed one of his hands on the back of his neck.

Lucifer felt a surge of gratitude and protectiveness when he realized just how much Angel had risked to come see him. This was getting ridiculous. 

“Of course Angel,” Lucifer replied. “I’ll put a protection spell on your door too, so you can feel extra safe until I’ve dealt with the problem.” 

“You sure you wanna do this ? You don’t have to. You don’t have to do anything,” Angel offered, his expression serious.

“I know, I’m sure.” Lucifer replied as he opened the portal and in the same breath warded Angel’s door. He really wasn’t. But what he did know was that the situation wouldn’t resolve itself without him. He was like a tiny and seemingly insignificant cog without which the entire mechanism couldn’t function. 

But if he was to be just that, then it’ll be on his own terms.

“Good luck Lulu,” Angel told him, before giving him surprisingly  solemn looking thumbs up and stepping into the portal.

***

Lucifer readjusted his blue shirt like one would armor when heading out to a battlefield. That was the only detail about his appearance he gave attention to before going out of his room. It was the only detail that meant anything. 

The hotel seemed dormant, as though under a spell. Angel had assured him he had only slept for four days, and yet as he crossed the lobby it felt like years had passed. Everything was silent, the air completely still. 

When he found no one at the bar or the dining room he went back on his steps and went for Charlie’s office instead.

He opened it without knocking and was greeted with the sight of Vaggie and Charlie huddled together in one of the armchairs near the window. When Charlie caught sight of him she blinked,as though she wasn’t certain he was actually there. 

“Dad ?” She asked softly. 

She looked exhausted, with dark circles under her eyes and disheveled hair. Lucifer’s heart ached with the need to comfort her.

We made such a mess of things.

“Hello sweetie.” He said.

Charlie dislodged herself from the arms of a somber looking but alert Vaggie, and scrambled to get to him before engulfing him in a crushing hug that would have probably  smothered anyone else. He sighed and hugged her back, taking in her familiar scent as she burst into tears in his arms.

“You came back…” She sobbed and he hugged her a little harder.

“Yes, I did.” Lucifer whispered.

“I’m so-sorry Dad, please d-don’t leave again…”

“Shhh, I won’t.” He promised as he stroked her back and her hair.

“It wasn’t worth it, it wasn’t worth it at all. If you want to leave I understand, we can go together. I don’t care about this shitty hotel anymore !” She cried and clung to him like she did when she was a child, only she was thrice the size she was then and it probably looked like she was a chimpanzee trying to climb a tiny bonsai.

“That’s not true sweetie,” Lucifer gently told her and she cried even harder. “I think you care a lot and that’s what makes everything so difficult. Things are simpler when you don’t care.”

I should know.

“I shouldn’t have done this to you.” She mumbled as she finally accepted to release him and wiped the snot and tears off her face with the back of her hand. Vaggie appeared behind her and put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“No. You shouldn’t have. And things are not completely fine between us.” Lucifer told her softly, but firmly and Charlie nodded with a sad expression. “Not yet. We still need to talk about this. But hiding in my room and ignoring you wasn’t the best solution either, if I’d known it would be that bad maybe I would have done things differently."

“None of us expected it to be that bad, Dad.” Charlie replied, she rubbed her eyes tiredly and Vaggie took her hand.

“Come on, you two. I don’t see why we can’t discuss this sitting down.” She declared as she ushered them both towards the armchairs.

Once they were all seated Lucifer’s gaze alternated between his daughter and her girlfriend, but neither seemed inclined to broach the subject.

“So, the bellhop did a number on you huh ?”Lucifer offered conversationally and Vaggie’s face contorted with so much anger Lucifer was worried she might get stuck like that. Charlie on the other hand looked like she wanted to merge with the armchair and disappear.

“It wasn’t so bad at first. He was agitated but we figured he would get over it like he did the first time you took one of your…naps.”His daughter said delicately.

“By agitated she means creepy.” Vaggie translated.”All he wanted to do was stand guard in front of your room like a psycho and look miserable, we actually had to beg him to do his job !” 

Lucifer wanted to bury his face in his hands. How bizarre had his existence gotten if it was now considered a normal thing for the three of them to sit down and discuss the Radio Demon pining after him.

“Anyways,” Charlie said. “You weren’t eating or talking to any of us and on the third day things started to go downhill. He started threatening everyone that even came close to your room, even me. At some point he became so aggressive we just banned the whole floor and confined everyone to their room until we could find a solution.” She explained.

Lucifer refrained from pointing out that there probably wouldn’t have been a solution save from letting Alastor and Lucifer in the hotel and vacating the premises.

“And then we don’t know what was different about yesterday, but he disappeared. It was like he had completely given up.” Charlie mused.

“Angel spent the night with me.” Lucifer admitted and they both looked at him with wide eyes. “To talk !” He exclaimed defensively.

“Yeah, that would have done it.” Vaggie sighed.

“Dad.” Charlie said, suddenly looking horrified. “Where is Angel right now ?” 

“I sent him back to his room” Lucifer replied, and when he saw she was about to protest he added. “I warded his door, don’t worry.”

Charlie’s shoulder relaxed and she sagged on her seat

“Do you know where Alastor is  ?” Lucifer inquired.

“Probably in his room but I admit we didn’t really check. None of us really wanted to go look for him in that creepy swamp of his.” Vaggie said bitterly.

“I think it’s a bayou Vaggie,” Charlie offered, before closing her mouth at the unimpressed look she received from her girlfriend.

“So you think he would have left the hotel ?” Lucifer asked. 

“No dad. I don’t think he would have willingly chosen to get even further away from you.” Charlie admitted. 

“What are you planning to do ?” Vaggie inquired and Lucifer smiled tiredly at her.

“Make everything right I suppose.” He replied. 

“Lucifer, you don’t have to do that.” She told him.”I still stand by what I said, he is dangerous.” 

“Dad she’s right. I shouldn’t have trusted him to begin with, I thought we could be friends but I was mistaken.” Charlie said in a small voice.

“Charlie, you weren’t wrong. He did help you and the hotel thrive when I couldn't. That doesn’t make him a good person, or a friend, but that’s still worth something. And he is sick Charlie, he isn’t in his right mind. You couldn’t have known about the virus.” Lucifer gently told her.

“It’s not fair that I invited him in our lives but you are the one to pay the price.” She mumbled as she took her face in her hands.

“No, it’s not fair, sweetie. Things are like that sometimes.” He said before getting up.

There was nothing more he could say that would improve the situation, and the more he stalled, the more time it gave the Radio Demon to find new ways to make an absolute nuisance of himself.

“Will we talk later Dad ?” Charlie asked. 

“Of course Char-Char.” 

***

He’d never been in that part of the hotel after building it. Which was a shame because he was quite proud of the architecture, but Alastor had claimed the entire wing almost as soon as he set foot on the premises. And Lucifer had considered this whole side haunted and cursed from then on. 

Only now it actually looked the part of the haunted manor, the corridors completely silent and most importantly almost pitch black. 

Lucifer had considered the possibility that the lights may be off but as he checked on the lighting switches he realized they were indeed on. He simply couldn’t see them because of the preternatural darkness that had invaded the space like a particularly invasive mold.

He was trying to adjust the flashlight on his phone when he felt something grab his pants leg. But before he could let out an undignified shriek he was faced with a familiar, huge, orange eye. 

“Pretty King.” Niffty said and Lucifer placed a hand on his chest to calm his racing heart.

“Hi there, Niffty. Shouldn’t you be in your room ?” He inquired, and he crouched to her level.

“I’m not scared of the dark. And the bugs would forget my name if I was gone.” She told him, her eye never leaving his. Sometimes he wondered if she was truly as insane as they said, or if she simply saw things other people didn’t. She didn’t look insane when she took his face in his little hands and regarded him with a serious expression.

“I told you everything would be terrible if you left.” She declared in a reproachful tone, and Lucifer nodded.

“I know, I didn’t understand then. I’m sorry.” Lucifer replied.

“Do you understand now ?” the tiny maid inquired, and somehow the question felt heavier than it sounded.

I don’t understand anything that’s happening in my life right now.

“Not even close. But I’m trying.” He said honestly, and she nodded like it was good enough.

‘Don’t lose your way.” She warned and Lucifer frowned as he turned around to look at the corridor that led to Alastor’s room.

How can I lose my way ? There’s only one door there.

He turned back around to tell her that much, but she’d already disappeared. And he was left with only the silence and an uneasy feeling in his stomach. As he made his way to the door he stupidly wished Niffty could have come with him, unlike him she seemed to know her way around the darkness.

****

He didn’t so much enter as he was sucked inside the room. He felt the darkness like it was a sentient, whispering to him, and pulling him in like it’s been waiting for him.He tensed and firmly closed his eyes, forcing down a wave of nausea under the suffocating, oily feeling of being engulfed in shadows.

“Enough.” Lucifer said, shakily. 

And amazingly, that worked. The darkness slipped away with a caress as though contrite, submissively pooling at his feet before receding under the furniture and Lucifer relaxed. He could have banished the shadows with a snap of his fingers but antagonizing their master seemed counterproductive right now. 

Now that everything wasn’t dark he could admire the pocket dimension Alastor had created. As he went deeper into the room and the carpeted floor was replaced by wet earth he admitted to himself that it was quite elegant. Not the swamp in itself, which looked exactly like one would expect a swamp to look like. Mossy, foggy, and smelling of stagnant water. The spell he had woven to create the bayou however was quite the work of art, and Lucifer wouldn’t be surprised if his deals were ironclad with such an intricate magic pattern. 

“Lucifer .” 

He spinned around so fast he almost tripped over his own feet, and was met with Alastor’s covetous gaze. Close, way too close.

The sinner looked unhinged, like he hadn’t slept in days. He was missing his coat and his hair was a mess, and everything about him seemed sort of diminished. 

Lucifer hadn't felt him approach. It wasn’t that he hadn’t felt the Radio Demon’s presence, it was simply that it had been absolutely everywhere . Everything in the room seemed to be an extension of the sinner to some degree.

Why can’t he ever appear in a normal, non-threatening, non-creepy way ?

Lucifer took two steps backwards to put a respectable distance between himself and the sinner, but Alastor was already reaching for him with trembling hands.

“Lucifer.” Alastor repeated, his voice so distorted Lucifer almost missed the desperation that coloured his tone. Almost. 

“No !” Lucifer snapped, and Alastor retracted his hands as though the word had burned them.He was looking at him like a wounded beast, his eyes feral and confused, his smile more of a grimace as the corners of his mouth fought to pull downward.

To Lucifer’s dismay the Radio Demon reached for him a second time, as though insisting would get him a different outcome. Or maybe he was past any forms of logic by now. 

Lucifer once again flinched away as panic gripped him.

“Stop that. Or I will leave and this time I promise you will never see me again.” Lucifer threatened.

And it seemed to snap Alastor out of his spell because his gaze seemed clear slightly and he wasted no time taking two steps backwards, though it seemed to physically pain him to do so. 

Lucifer took a deep breath and pushed down the anxiety and revulsion that were threatening to suffocate him.

“I-I can’t deal with you like this. I’m overwhelmed, I’m tired, I feel like I just landed in a parallel universe. You want to give me what I need right ? Well I need you to be the asshole I had the misfortune to meet three months ago. Pretend. Lie to me if you must. But bring him back.” Lucifer told him.

Alastor’s gaze held his own for several seconds and his smile grew wider and wider until it looked like it might tear open his face. Then the demon righted himself as though he was merely catching his breath after a long speech.

“ If I didn’t know any better I would almost believe you missed me, Your Majesty.” The demon cooed in that condescending, cheery tone Lucifer hated so much.

I did miss you. Asshole.

The truth was he hadn’t missed the demon per se, but he missed the time their relationship went no further than rivalry and mutual dislike. Before fate and the virus had tied their existence together, when neither of them had to act as though what the other was doing was any of their business.

He wasn’t fooled of course. The demon was a good actor and Lucifer could easily believe he must have been quite the performer when he was alive. But he couldn’t conceal the warmth in his eyes when he took in Lucifer’s small form or the way his hands flexed, as though itching to reach forward and touch him. Still, it was better than nothing.

“I missed the normalcy. My life is such a mess right now.” Lucifer answered honestly and Alastor’s eyes softened even more.

“I can assure you, Your Highness, that these past few months were hardly the easiest of my existence either.” The demon admitted.

His tone was light, but Lucifer could see the pain behind his gaze and he remembered that Alastor too, had been dragged into this mess against his will.

“I’m sorry.” Lucifer told him and the sinner looked visibly surprised. “If I could take it from you I would.”

He meant it. When they first met and Alastor had made him feel so small, so inadequate, so out of place in his daughter’s life he probably would have rejoiced at the prospect of seeing the demon being bought so low. But now he found that he didn’t like it at all. He belatedly realized that the discomfort and revulsion he felt in Alastor’s presence weren’t solely because he was disgusted by him. It was because despite everything that happened between them Lucifer had respected him. Respected how his grounding presence had allowed Charlie to thrive, how he seemed to be in control of every situation he found himself in. How he was the opposite of him, through and through. 

Seeing him lose his composure that way, seeing him this pathetic. And because of Lucifer of all things, it had felt like defiling something sacred.

“I wouldn’t wish for you to, Your Highness.” The Radio Demon told him softly, his static a soft, cajoling buzz.

“ Why ?” Lucifer asked, briefly wondering if the sinner hadn’t gone insane after all.

He would have expected the Radio Demon to loath his Turning even more than the average sinner, given that he seemed so used to being in control of himself and so disgusted by anything resembling human emotions. Being betrayed by his own body must have felt devastating for him. But he had wondered if Alastor had fully registered the horror of what was happening to him or if the change had been so gradual, so pernicious, that he hadn't been able to tell the Turning from his actual feelings until it was too late.

When he recalled the sinner's desperate pleas outside his door he wondered if the Alastor who came to check on him every night was still the Alastor who offered his services to Charlie all these months ago. Or someone different entirely. Someone whose existence was an anomaly, rendered possible only by a virus that rearranged his neural pathways and hijacked his hormonal machinery. 

Suddenly Lucifer wanted to retract his earlier question. He didn’t feel ready for the answer, but before he could put a word in Alastor had to drop a bomb on him.

“Because I cannot fathom feeling differently than I do right now, Your Majesty. I cannot fathom wanting to feel differently. I confess that some changes have been nearly unbearable, especially the physical ones.” He said delicately and Lucifer felt his cheeks heat as he understood what the demon was referring to. “But despite everything I wouldn’t wish to revert back to my previous… condition, because caring for you feels as natural as breathing. If those feelings disappeared then who would-”

The sinner suddenly closed his mouth, probably aware of the enormity of what he had been about to say. Unfortunately Lucifer understood it all the same.

Who would care for you if I wasn’t there.

Lucifer knew what this was. He had spent enough of his pathetically long life searching for it to be able to recognize it when it was right under his nose, however misplaced it was.

Pure, unconditional love. 

How cruel and disappointing that it was all a lie, and that the man offering it to him was probably the last person in existence Lucifer could ever want it from. His heart clenched at the unfairness of it all.

“What you feel for me. It isn’t real, you understand don’t you ?” Lucifer almost pleaded.

“Tell me Your highness, if tomorrow someone informed you that your beloved daughter was never your daughter after all, would that change how you feel about her ?” Alastor inquired and Lucifer grimaced.

“Charlie is my daughter, I was there when she was born. I know people don’t think I’m the smartest but I could still tell my own baby apart from other babies !” Lucifer protested and the sinner rolled his eyes.

“Suppose it wasn’t the case, would that make any difference ?” The sinner repeated.

“It’s not the same !” He exclaimed.

“Would that make a difference ?” Alastor insisted.

“No, of course not ! I would love her the same, but you can’t compare the love I nurtured for decades by raising my child to the…feelings a parasite is making you feel !” 

“It doesn’t matter the source, Your Majesty. The point is I do feel them, just as strongly.”Alastor snapped and Lucifer wanted to yell at him, or run away. Whichever came first. 

The sinner wasn’t wrong, his feelings may not be real but they felt real. Lucifer looked at him and felt nauseous at the prospect of having to hurt him further. Of having to hurt them both.

“Wherever you think you are in your relationship with me, I cannot meet you there. I don't feel that way about you.” Lucifer softly said.

But his gentle tone apparently did nothing to soften the blow, because the Radio Demon looked crushed with his ears drooping and the high pitched whine of his feedback and Lucifer cringed. 

“I suppose this was to be expected. What now, Your Highness ?” Alastor inquired with his gaze fixed atop Lucifer’s head, as though he was bracing himself for something even more painful.

“How about you start by dropping the titles. It’s ridiculous how you keep switching between them and my name depending on your mood. So call me Lucifer.” Lucifer said.

Alastor frowned and cocked his head curiously, and Lucifer wondered if the sinner had expected him to send him away. 

“Lucifer.” The sinner said, reverently.

No. That won’t do either.

“And don’t say it like that.” Lucifer told him.

“Like what ?” The sinner inquired innocently, but his smile widened.

“I don’t know, you’re saying it weird !” Lucifer exclaimed.

“I see. How very specific.” Alastor commented wryly. And Lucifer was about to protest again, if only because arguing with the Radio Demon felt like a rare and luxurious commodity these days amongst all those talks about feelings, but Alastor raised his hand to stop him.

“Please, I was given to understand you had a point earlier ?” The sinner sounded bored, but his disinterested tone was belied by the nervous cracks of his static. 

“I do. It has been brought to my attention that being away from me makes you behave like an absolute lunatic. Well, more of a lunatic.” Lucifer was interrupted by the sinner’s derisive snort.

“A melodramatic exaggeration. Charlie’s paramour’s doing, no doubt !” He exclaimed with a dismissive hand gesture.

“They had to ban the whole floor and send everyone to their room because they were scared you were going to kill the residents.” Lucifer deadpanned.

“Oh come now, I wouldn't have killed them. A temporary maiming at most !” Alastor defended himself, or at least Lucifer thought it was a defense. He really wasn’t sure. 

“Do you want to continue the conversation or do you want to discuss the degree of atrocities you can do to other people before they can justifiably call you a lunatic ?” Lucifer asked him helplessly. 

Why is it so difficult to talk to him ?

“My apologies. Please continue.” The Radio Demon offered.

“Right. I have decided that it would be better for everyone if we came to an arrangement.”Lucifer concluded and he didn’t miss the shuddering breath Alastor took.

“Calm down, I have conditions.” He blurted. Lucifer had rather planned for them to come to a grudging agreement that would make them both uncomfortable and miserable. He must have done something wrong if the sinner was happy about the outcome of the conversation. 

“First of all, I have to tell you that I don’t trust you. You plotted with my own daughter and used your deal just so you could take the choice away from me.” Lucifer told him and Alastor had the decency to look apologetic. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust you.”

“Shall we make a deal, then ? You would set the terms, make them as strict as you want. I would be happy to accommodate your every wish, if that is what it would take for you to feel safe in my presence.” The sinner told him softly, already extending one of his hands towards him.

Lucifer wanted to shake him. 

“I don’t want that ! Don’t you understand it was your shitty transactional view on relationships that landed us in this mess in the first place ? No deals. No exchange of souls. I’ll tell you what I need you to do, and if you… care about me at all you will do them.” He declared.

He looked up at Alastor again. The demon looked at him with a clipped smile and furrowed brows, as though Lucifer was a peculiar little puzzle that was much more complicated to solve than he first expected. 

“Of course Lucifer. Anything.”

“Alright. First things first I want you to dissolve your deal with Charlie. I don’t want her to feel compelled to help you with this business in any way, you are dealing with me from now on. Is that clear ?” Lucifer asked him.

Alastor snapped his fingers and Lucifer felt the air in the room shift as little tendrils of green magic slipped under the door before returning to their proper place in the sinner’s hand. The display was eerily beautiful and didn’t last more than a few seconds.

“Done.” The sinner declared.

“Good. Secondly, no hurting the other residents or the staff on my behalf.Your symptoms may improve once you are spending enough time with me, so you’ll have no excuse.” Lucifer warned him.

“Am I correct in assuming you have a specific person in mind? A demon whom you apparently allowed to slip into your room in the dead of night, when you refused to utter a single word to me from behind your door ?” Alastor said, his tone even but acidic.

“It’s none of your business. Do you agree ?” Lucifer inquired, swallowing down his outrage at what it looked like the demon was even implying.

“Very well.” The Radio Demon complied, and Lucifer wondered if he had actually thought he would be able to go after Angel and get away with it. 

“No touching me without permission.” Lucifer declared.  He was pleased to realize that the more requests he made, the easier it was to keep going. If the demon thought he was being unreasonable he could find himself another unfortunate soul to adopt.

“Fine,” The demon said through gritted teeth.

“In exchange you may resume what you were doing…before.” He said.

“Does this mean you will accept to eat what I prepare for you ?” The demon inquired, and this time he failed to hide how invested he was in the answer, he was looking at him with wild, desperate eyes, as though he couldn’t bear the prospect of Lucifer refusing him.

“Yes…I’ll still eat the soup. Provided you don’t put anything questionable in it.” Lucifer relented and Alastor cocked his head, his eyebrows reaching his hairline.

“Were you afraid I had been feeding you the remains of my victims this entire time without your consent ?” He asked, as though he was offended by the assumption.

Oh, so maiming and killing is fine but you draw the line at bad cooking etiquette ? 

“It crossed my mind, yes, you didn’t exactly strike me as someone who cared a lot about consent.” Lucifer reminded him and the sinner wrinkled his nose.

“Please rest assured, my dear, that cannibalism is not something I would force on an unwilling participant. This particular product is hard enough to come by without wasting it on an uneducated mind. Furthermore, I highly doubt your palate is sophisticated enough to appreciate the beautiful flavor profile of sinner meat.” Alastor exclaimed. 

“Good to know ?” Lucifer offered, halfway between relieved and disgusted. He also didn’t know how he felt about Alastor calling him My dear either, that was what Lilith used to call him.

“And when will we proceed with this new arrangement ? Would tonight-” The sinner tried but Lucifer firmly shook his head. 

“No. I’m exhausted and there’s one last person I need to talk to.” He replied. The sinner raised his eyebrow at him but nodded. 

“Very well.”

“One last thing,” Lucifer said.

“Yes, dear ?” 

 Lucifer was overcome with a fresh wave of anxiety at the prospect of broaching this particular subject , but he needed to annihilate any single remnants of uncertainty that might have lingered in the sinner’s mind so that his position was perfectly clear.

 “This,” He pointed at the sinner’s clothed chest, or more accurately what was beneath it before gesturing vaguely between the two of them. “Will never happen. Ever. Do you understand ?” He asked, resisting the urge to avert his gaze. 

Alastor’s internal radio sounded like it was tuning itself, briefly alternating between pop music and what sounded like a news channel but it was all so garbled and loud that Lucifer couldn’t decipher anything besides a few words. He risked a glance at Alastor's face and immediately regretted it. The sinner’s eyes had widened to almost comical proportions and he was blushing a deep scarlet that clashed unattractively with his hair and Lucifer wanted to hide his face in his hands.

Someone please kill me. 

“Of course. I-I would never have assumed that you would wish to-” The Radio Demon stammered and at least Lucifer was relieved that the sinner didn’t seem inclined to protest. Maybe he found the idea as repulsive and disturbing as Lucifer did. 

“ Good. I never want to talk about it again. I will see you tomorrow.” Lucifer said stiffly, and he directly opened a portal to his room, because he didn’t fancy another cryptic interaction with Niffty in a dark corridor. 

“Lucifer .” Alastor called before he could step into it.

“Yes ?” Lucifer inquired, as he reluctantly turned around. 

“May I hold you ?” The sinner asked, and he looked so desperate and hopeful that Lucifer briefly wondered if he should humour him. But Angel had been right, he didn’t owe the Radio Demon anything. 

Do you want him to hold you ?

No. He didn’t want to. The prospect of letting Alastor touch him now made his skin crawl.

“No.” Lucifer replied perhaps more forcefully than he intended, and he stepped into the portal without looking at the sinner’s face.

Back in his room, he pushed the interaction out of his mind. He had one last person he needed to confront before calling it a day.

***

"It's not like I am going to forget everything that's happened between us. I still need to heal from the betrayal and everything is not ok yet." He began, taking a deep breath before tearing his eyes from the floor. 

Sir Caraduck was looking at him, his beady eyes earnest and apologetic but Lucifer wouldn't be swayed that easily. 

"I would still like for us to move forward in our relationship, but only if you are willing to be completely honest with me  from now on. No more secrets." He declared.

Sir Caraduck silently agreed and Lucifer nodded, satisfied. 

"Right. I'm glad we understand each other.” He told him before dragging him to the bed and settling with him under the covers.

‘Do you think agreeing to all of this was a good idea ?” Lucifer finally asked him. But the duck didn’t respond.

Yeah. 

Me neither.

Chapter Text

He took off his waistcoat for the fourth time in the last fifteen minutes. It’s been months since he’d last worn it, and of course at the time it’s been pink.

The blue shirt had been a statement. A symbol of his rebellion against Lilith, even if his wife wasn’t there anymore to micromanage his life, and in this instance his wardrobe. 

The blue waistcoat however was just plain cowardice, because he simply wasn’t feeling whimsical enough to pull off a light blue shirt with a bright pink waistcoat.

He was aware at the same time that switching his whole colour palette to the other end of the spectrum could also be considered a big step as well. And so he stood in front of the mirror in only his light blue shirt, his sense of self warring with the persona he’d presented to the world until now. Not that it was a particularly memorable persona to begin with, people probably remembered his backside more often than they remembered his face with how much time Lucifer spent turning away from his subjects.

“Do I look like someone who knows how to make people respect his boundaries ?” He inquired. 

Sir Caraduck was staring at him blankly, as though unwilling to hurt his feelings. 

“You’re right. I do need the waistcoat.” He admitted before putting it on for the fifth time. 

After the exhausting day he’d had yesterday Lucifer had gone back to his room expecting to sleep like a baby, especially now that his fuzzy bedmate was back in his good graces. Instead he hadn’t slept a wink, reminiscing about what happened with Angel, Charlie…and Alastor. 

And so despite having been awake the entire time he had dreaded coming out of his room, as though he’d find a terrifying, completely unrecognizable version of his reality behind the door. He’d left the Radio Demon thinking he knew exactly where he stood, and now he wondered if that was truly the case after all. 

He didn’t regret his talks with Angel or Charlie, that much was sure, and in general still thought cutting his nap short had been the right decision. His self-doubts mainly involved his whole conversation with Alastor and more accurately how much leeway he realized he left the Radio Demon.

Dissolve your deal with Charlie.

Don’t hurt people on my behalf.

Don’t touch me.

And in exchange the demon would have enough access to his presence to settle his Turning. But he was now realizing this left way too much room for Alastor to invade his entire existence, they didn’t discuss a time frame when Lucifer should be expected to make himself available for the Radio Demon. They didn’t discuss the level of familiarity the demon should be allowed to display around him. Suddenly Lucifer wondered if he should have taken that deal after all, if he’d been tricked into believing it was his idea when he saw how easily Alastor had offered him one. 

He took a deep breath and endeavoured to stop his anxious mind in its tracks. He had made the right decision, a deal with Alastor would have been a blessing in disguise. Because in a misguided attempt to protect himself Lucifer would have made it so ironclad it would have no doubt cancelled whatever positive effects his presence could have had on the Radio Demon. Constricting the movements of a dangerous and unstable overlord would have had terrible consequences sooner or later.

And yet when three powerful knocks resounded through the room his first instinct was to crawl under the bed like a child and wait until the person he suspected of being behind the door gave up.

When they received no answer the person knocked again, three times and even harder.

Lucifer sighed and cast a last glance at Sir Caraduck before going to open the door.

Lucifer’s thoughts were racing as he remembered their interaction from yesterday and he wondered how Alastor would react to seeing him. Would he appear as desperate and feral as he did the last time he saw him ? Will he be his usual, condescending self ? Will he be gentle ? Will he have figured out a way to extend kindness that wouldn’t make Lucifer’s skin crawl ?

 The Radio Demon he found on the other side looked perfectly composed, with nary a hair out of place, as though the last five days never happened. And he was looking at him with a clipped smile and furrowed brows.

“When I am knocking at your door I now expect you to open, or at the very least provide me with an answer.” Alastor said, his voice cool and his static crackling irritably.

Lucifer immediately bristled.

"Let me remind you that you're not in any position to be making demands."Lucifer said through gritted teeth. 

“I waited for you to get out of your room all morning, but instead you decided to stay hidden and once again forced me to seek you out.”Alastor accused as he narrowed his eyes.

“It's only ten a.m, and I didn’t force you to do anything. How was I supposed to know you were waiting for me, it’s not like we actually discussed a schedule yesterday.” Lucifer said, the relative calm he had spent all night trying to cultivate all but evaporating. 

“A terrible lack of forethought on my part, I actually expected you to take our arrangement seriously.” Alastor said wryly.

Lucifer wanted to go back to his room and scream in a pillow. Yesterday's conversation had been the most mortifying of his entire existence, but he'd thought they had reached, if not trust, at least some kind of understanding. Instead it seemed like they were speaking two different languages, and interacting with Alastor felt like pushing the poles of two magnets together. Lucifer forced himself to take a calming breath before rubbing his eyes with his hands.

“Fine. I’m sorry.” Lucifer mumbled, already feeling tired and uncomfortable. 

The sinner’s eyes widened slightly and he grimaced, his ears plastering to his skull.

“ I did not want… please, do not apologize.” Alastor said.

Then what did you want ?

They looked at one another without saying anything for an agonizingly long moment before Alastor cleared his throat.

“We are being summoned by your daughter.” The sinner declared, his tone once again businesslike. 

Oh thank god.

“You should have started there !” Lucifer told him as he closed the door and gestured for the demon to lead the way. But his mood was already lifting and he didn’t even bother hiding how eager he was to be around other people who could act as buffers between him and the Radio Demon. 

They came across half a dozen sinners on their way to Charlie's office, but none of them approached them. Instead they stirred as far away from Alastor as was possible without actually looking like they were cowering away from him. 

Even Fen and Selina, who passed them though the corridor, didn't greet them and the sweet penguin demon cast Lucifer a worried look before her girlfriend grabbed her by the hand to pull her away. 

Lucifer briefly glanced at  Alastor and realized with no small amount of disgust that the sinner was obviously enjoying it. His smile was wide and triumphant, and he clearly reveled in the fear he inspired in the residents. Lucifer was reminded once again that for all that he might pretend to be harmless around him he was still the demon who broadcasted the screams of his victims on his radio show, a man whose calling on earth had been to massacre other human beings. 

Lucifer felt tricked somehow, despite having set the terms himself.The demon had successfully bullied them all into giving him what he wanted and there he was, relishing the chaos he had created. 

Feeling the weight of his stare, the Radio Demon turned towards him and his expression of sadistic pleasure immediately morphed into one of discomfort and embarrassment. He looked like he wanted to break the silence, but Lucifer suspected he knew nothing he could say right now would make him appear in a more positive light. 

They spent the remainder of the trip to Charlie's office in miserable silence, with Alastor looking more agitated as they grew closer to the door, observing Lucifer with an expectant expression and deafening him with the plaintive whines of his feedback. As though he was hoping Lucifer would make things less awkward.

If you didn’t want awkward you clearly picked the wrong person. Besides you can hope all you want, I'm not making this easier for you. 

When they finally entered the room Lucifer's shoulders relaxed and he left Alastor's side as fast as he could, forcefully dissociating himself from the two pieces entity he'd unwittingly formed with the Radio Demon since he'd walked out of his room. 

“Lulu !" Angel exclaimed and he jumped out of his seat to join him.

Completely ignoring Alastor who was seething less than a meter away he engulfed Lucifer in a multi limbed embrace that he immediately returned. From beneath Angel's arm Lucifer could see Husk observing them from the corner of the room and felt self-conscious and guilty for a moment. It was plain as day the bartender harboured romantic feelings towards his friend and Lucifer was fairly certain that they were reciprocated at least to some degree. While Lucifer knew nothing of their relationship status he was aware that what they felt for one another warranted at least some degree of possessiveness. 

Even if Lucifer was only Angel's friend he wondered if Husk would be offended. He knew Lilith hadn't approved of him having any friends when she'd been adamant that all emotional and physical needs should be fulfilled by one's significant other and immediate family. She would accuse him of flirting with any members of the staff, male or female, with whom he had a conversation that wasn't strictly professional. And after a while all the members of his household had learned to avoid him so they wouldn’t become the targets of her ire. 

 But the bartender's gaze was calm and completely free of judgment or, as Lucifer had feared, jealousy. And Lucifer allowed himself to relax into the demon's chest and take in his soft scent. 

But he couldn't ignore the increasingly loud crackles of static in the background and after a while he dislodged himself from Angel's limbs. The demon was looking at Alastor defiantly over his head, and Lucifer couldn't help but be impressed by his friend’s courage. Alastor was tremendously more powerful than him, even more so because Angel's soul was owned by someone else, and still the spider demon looked as though he wouldn't be afraid to fight him if need be.

"You look absolutely smashing in blue Lulu !" He announced, once again turning his gaze towards him and Lucifer lowered his gaze, flattered.

"He's right dad, blue really is your colour. You should wear it more often !" Charlie offered with a smile as she appeared behind Angel, and there was a collective sound of approval that had Lucifer blushing bright gold. He saw Alastor shift uncomfortably from the corner of his eye and resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

Unlike you, other people have nice things to say to me.  

"Babe, how about we start ?" Vaggie said,  and Lucifer was grateful for her intervention. As much as he enjoyed being complimented on his choice of clothing he was dying to know just how much damage control they'll have to do. 

"Right !" Charlie exclaimed and she clapped in her hands to catch everyone's attention. "So as you may have suspected I called you all here to discuss the events of these past few days." She said, and she took a deep breath before addressing them again. "First of all I want to apologize. To you dad, for how poorly I managed the situation and to you guys, because I dragged you all into this charade when I should have followed my own advice and been upfront." She concluded. 

They all nodded, but Lucifer didn't miss the way everyone was pointedly avoiding looking at Alastor. The sinner was standing here with a confident smile as though this whole fiasco didn't concern him in the slightest.

"I was led to assume that thanks to my dad, Alastor's Turning will be back under control very soon. But because of his behaviour we are at a risk of facing a massive exodus. Since we lifted the curfew ten of them have already checked out, and the rest are complaining they don't feel safe here anymore.” She admitted sadly.

It felt strange to hear her talk about Alastor’s Turning so openly. The whole thing had felt like a secret before, something shameful and embarrassing that shouldn’t ever see the light of day. And if would have stayed that way, if Lucifer had had his way.

“Alastor." Charlie said, her voice devoid of any inflection. "I know you'll probably be reluctant, but I think it's best if we inform the residents of your Turning. We won’t go into details to respect both your privacy and my dad’s, but they have to know there was an explanation to your behaviour and it won't happen again. In fact since many of them also experienced a Turning of their own they are likely to be sympathetic." She continued.

The way she said it was unfailingly polite, and yet it was clear enough that she wasn't asking him for permission. The whole room held its breath as they waited for Alastor to answer. 

The Radio Demon's smile widened and he leaned nonchalantly on his microphone, barely phased.

"Go ahead, Dear ! Agreeing is the least I can do, in fact you may even tell them everything in detail, I wouldn’t mind !" Alastor said with a magnanimous hand gesture and Lucifer looked at him pensively. The demon was being suspiciously accommodatin. Agreeing to make his Turning public was one thing, it was another to let everyone in the hotel know Alastor’s deer brain had decided Lucifer was his baby.  

"So you can make sure no one else approaches Lucifer because they'll be scared of you ? I don't think so." Vaggie declared with a grimace. 

Oh. Nevermind.

"My Dear, you wound me ! Must everything I do have an ulterior motive ?" Alastor lamented, placing a hand on his heart. Or whatever blackened, twisted thing pumped that poisonous ichor of his in his veins. 

"Save your act for your radio show." Vaggie said and Alastor’s static crackled irritably and his smile twitched, but he said nothing else.

Charlie cleared her throat and the focus once again shifted to her.

“For everyone else : I’ll need your help. We’ll suspend all activities for today so I can do the announcement, and our primary focus is reassuring the residents. We need to make sure you can answer all their questions and that everyone is on the same page about what should or shouldn’t be said. Here, I made a list. You don’t have to repeat it word for word, it’s just to give you a general idea of what they need to know.” She said, before handing them all a document.

 Niffty immediately ate hers, which Lucifer figured was okay. It wasn’t as though the residents were likely to consider her a reliable source of information anyway. 

Charlie stopped in front of Angel and handed him one as well.

"Angel, I know you're technically a resident but you’ve been an invaluable member of our team and I’d like to make it official from now on. Now that we have sponsors, I can afford your salary. It won’t be much, but it would be a start.” She offered.

Lucifer caught the brief, vulnerable look the spider demon cast Husk as though seeking his approval. The bartender smiled almost imperceptibly, and somehow it looked at though everything was said between them.

“I thought you’d never ask dollface !” Angel exclaimed, once again turning to Charlie and dramatically snatching the piece of paper out of her hands. 

“When will you make the announcement ? Just to make sure I’m as drunk as possible for when it happens ?” Husk inquired dispassionately, and Lucifer had no idea if he was joking or not. 

“Just after lunch. Dad, you can skip it if you want, I know crowds are not your thing.” She gently told him and he nodded gratefully.

“Thank you.” He told her.

“Great. If no one else has questions I want to speak to my dad and Alastor alone.” She declared. 

They all complied, and Angel gently squeezed Lucifer’s shoulder before leaving the room with the bartender. To his surprise Vaggie, too, left them after kissing Charlie’s cheek. Lucifer glanced at Alastor, but the sinner’s face betrayed nothing.

“Let’s sit near the window;” Charlie offered and they both followed her. Lucifer took the seat nearest to the door and Alastor took the one closest to him.

“Vaggie isn’t coming back ?” Lucifer inquired.

“No dad, we decided I needed to do this alone.” Charlie answered. “Is that ok ?” 

It wasn’t, really. Lucifer had gotten used to the fallen angel’s strong, calming presence, especially now that things were so tense between Charlie and him. But he couldn’t tell his daughter that, so he simply nodded.

“My, what kind of conversation could warrant sending your little guard dog away ?”Alastor asked nonchalantly as he crossed his legs.

“The kind we should have had months ago, had I not been a naive idiot.” Charlie told him, and it was the first time Lucifer heard her sound so bitter.

“Well, I am all ears now Dear. Please, do tell !” The demon invited her, sounding so smug Lucifer wanted to smack him with one of the throw pillows of the armchairs.

His behaviour with other people was such a stark contrast to how he behaved with him yesterday that Lucifer wondered if he hadn’t hallucinated their conversation. 

“Fine. Everyone warned me about you but I didn’t listen, because I needed the help and I was so pathetically happy to have someone believe in me for once.” She said with a far away look.

“Charlie…” Lucifer sighed. He wanted to tell her he believed in her too, that he’d always believed in her, but the words were stuck in his throat.

“You make it sound as though I haven’t delivered, my Dear. Haven’t I been exactly what you needed me to be ? Your confidant, ally and mentor ? Did you forget who told you how to defeat the exorcists ? Who gave you the army ? The confidence ? The only way I could have made this easier for you would have been to write you a script.” Alastor countered, his voice heavily filtered and dripping with disdain. How Lucifer could have ever thought this man harboured paternal feelings towards his daughter was beyond him.

“Don’t talk to my daughter like that.” Lucifer told him icily and both Alastor’s expression and his static seemed to deflate like a balloon.

“My apologies.” The sinner immediately said. Lucifer was about to tell him that he should apologize to his daughter and not him, since it was her achievements he was currently downplaying, but Charlie addressed him again.

“You’re right. And I am grateful, Alastor, I still believe we couldn’t have done it without you. But I now realize none of it was because you cared. It was because of that deal. I don't know what you were planning on doing with it if the outbreak had never happened, but I know it wouldn't have been anything good. You didn't come to the hotel to help me, you came to use me.” She declared. “And I used you too. So let's call our relationship what it is instead of pretending like we care about each other." 

Alastor's smile was sinister and he leaned towards Charlie with a glint in his eyes that Lucifer didn't like at all. 

“And what, pray tell, makes you think that I would be open to negotiating ?” He asked.

"Because I had no control over what could have possibly motivated you before, but I know I have something you want now ." Charlie told him, her eyes hard as steel. 

Alastor's static screeched and for a split second Lucifer could have sworn his sclera had turned pitch black before he put on a pleasant facade again. 

“Well, what an interesting turn of events ! It seems like you might have learned something from me after all.” He said with a savage smile. “What do you want ?”

“Niffty and Husk.” She began, and raised a placating hand when a furious, high pitched screech of feedback resounded in the air. Souls were the most precious commodity in Hell and asking an overlord to give up some of theirs was considered a terrible offense.

“Calm down, I am not going to ask you to free them. I know there is nothing I can do about that.” She said resignedly and Lucifer thought back to Angel with a twinge of sadness.”However while you own their souls they are still in my employ, and would like them to be paid for their work.”

“Very well, compensate them if it amuses you.” Alastor said with the indulgent tone of an adult complimenting a small child on a particularly ugly drawing.

“Secondly, I want us to sign a contract." She declared and Lucifer almost choked on his own saliva. 

"Charlie, what are you doing ?!" He demanded incredulously. Making a deal with Alastor had landed them in this mess in the first place, and now she wanted to make another one ? 

"Interesting ! You and your father seem to disagree on that front, you see he seems to be of the opinion that my transactional view of relationships is the source of the problem." The Radio Demon sneered, parroting what Lucifer had said to him yesterday.

"That's true when it comes to personal relationships, but you made it abundantly clear that we are not friends. We are business partners, and so we should behave accordingly. And I also didn't say I wanted to make a deal. I said I wanted a contract, a plain old, legally binding piece of paper." Charlie explained and they both raised skeptical eyebrows in her direction. 

"And what will happen, Dear, if I don't respect the terms of this contract ? Will you drag me to court ?"Alastor mocked.  

Lucifer couldn't blame him. What laughable excuse of a legal system existed in Hell mainly pertained to the affairs of states, not to the transgressions of common sinners. There was no justice in Hell, no one to enforce it. Lucifer had tried to figure out a solution at the very beginning, but every single one of his attempts had ended in a failure, each one more disheartening than the last, and it was around that time that he started to delegate more things to Lilith. She'd always assured him it was for the best, sinners weren't meant to be held accountable for their misdeeds, they were meant to self-regulate by fighting and devouring one another like animals. This equilibrium was similar to those complex ecosystems on earth that shouldn't be disturbed by human intervention, no matter how cruel nature could get. Remove one predator and the entire food chain would collapse. She'd told him he wasn't strong enough to handle the reality, but she was. Alastor probably thought exactly like her, and that was precisely the reason why the notion of being legally liable seemed so hilarious to him. 

"Our legal system is what it is, and I wish it was different. But as much as it saddens me to say it, I am not just anyone, I am the daughter of Lucifer Morningstar. And if I have to ask for an audience with all the Sins I will." She told him firmly, and Lucifer thought he could see a flicker of doubt in Alastor's eyes. 

Of course Lucifer would have to pull a lot of strings just to make that happen, and even then it was likely that the council would laugh in Charlie's face. The risks were small, but they were not negligible and the sinner knew it. 

Lucifer didn't tell Charlie that they could just kill the sinner if it came to that. But somehow he suspected that Alastor would probably pick being dead after a battle over being locked away or stripped of his power and status. 

"What would be the terms of this contract, then ?" The Radio Demon inquired, composing himself once again. She silently handed him what could only be described as a small book, with at least one hundred pages. 

Alastor raised an eyebrow, before accepting the file. He cast one last look at Charlie before readjusting his monocle and peering at the document. 

"Just a clear and detailed description of your duties, we never actually discussed it and I am tired of having to thank you for doing your job. There's a clear description of my responsibilities towards you as well. You will own shares of the hotel and of course you'll be involved in all the decision making. You'll also be financially compensated." She explained as Alastor was flipping the pages with the practiced ease of someone who must have done this a lot in his lifetime. 

"You know money or assets are not what motivates me, Dear." The Radio Demon told her, and Lucifer's heart skipped a beat when Alastor's eyes briefly turned to him. 

Apparently Charlie noticed too, because her gaze hardened. 

"You will find nothing in this contract that involves my father, he is his own person and I won't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. If he decides to leave I won't stop him." She declared, casting a soft look in her father's direction and Lucifer sighed in relief. 

"Of course. I would never have requested such a thing." Alastor replied, more in Lucifer's direction than Charlie's. He looked guilty and embarrassed in a way that was reminiscent of the previous day. Somehow Alastor's apparent discomfort at the prospect of forcing him to do anything irritated him. The Radio Demon hadn't held him at gunpoint, he hadn't actually blackmailed him either. But he effectively removed any other option Lucifer might have had. 

The alternatives would have been to either kill the sinner or let him destroy everything his daughter held dear. 

Talk about a choice. 

"You will leave me some time to think about this, yes ?" Alastor sighed, gesturing to the contract. 

"I'll give you two weeks. That's plenty of time to decide whether or not you're all in." She said, and the sinner nodded. He tossed the contract in the air, and it dissolved mid-fall in a little puff of smoke, no doubt sent to his room.

Lucifer didn't believe he would sign it. People like Alastor weren't meant to be shackled to places and duties, they were meant to cause chaos and destruction. This contract was an offense to the demon's very nature, and even his new misguided attachment to Lucifer wouldn't be strong enough to sway him. 

I don't even give him a week before he tries to wiggle his way out of this. 

“Was that all you wanted to discuss, Charlie ?” Alastor drawled condescendingly.

“As a matter of fact, no it wasn’t.” She replied, before turning to Lucifer. “Dad, am I correct in assuming you guys didn’t work out a new schedule yet ?” She inquired gently.

“We worked out some ground rules but no, no schedule.” Lucifer told her, ridiculously grateful that she was broaching the subject. It would spare him another awkward conversation alone with Alastor later.

“And…do you want some help with that ?” She asked.

And this time they spoke at the same time.

“No.” Alastor assured.

“Yes.” Lucifer replied and the Radio Demon looked at him as though Lucifer had just betrayed his trust. 

“What more is there to discuss ?” Alastor asked him, and there was a desperate, almost plaintive edge to his voice that had Lucifer's stomach twisting with nausea as he wondered if Charlie had heard it too. 

The reminder of how the demon had behaved when alone with him was making him uncomfortable, especially if Charlie was there to witness it.Somehow he didn’t want his daughter to see Alastor like that. He didn’t want anyone to see the demon like that. 

“ It's very good that you guys already managed to set some boundaries, but it can still feel too vague. I think it could benefit you both if you knew exactly what to expect from one another.” Charlie explained, but it was clear who it would benefit more. People like Alastor thrived in the absence of boundaries and limits, it made it easier to subdue, dazzle and manipulate people.

“It would help.” Lucifer said, stubbornly looking outside the window and he heard the sinner clear his throat.

“Very well. What would you suggest ?” Alastor relented.

And Lucifer spent the next hour of his existence watching them bicker about his schedule, like they were newly divorced parents fighting for custody. 

Charlie was adamant that Lucifer should spend more time with everyone, and not just Alastor.

Alastor on the other hand was keen on spending as much time alone with him as possible, which Lucifer didn’t understand given how ill at ease and miserable they were around one another. 

They barely asked for his input, and when they did it was with questions he could answer with yes or no. He never felt more infantilized in his entire life and once again resented the sinner for putting him in this situation in the first place.

In the end they settled on an arrangement that was similar enough to the one they’d had in the first place as to not overwhelm Lucifer. Just as before Lucifer would join them all for lunch and eat whatever Alastor had prepared for him within reason, and just as before he’d participate in a group activity a day. 

Additionally he would also accept to sit near the Radio Demon during both those times, and he would accept to spend one hour of uninterrupted time alone with him per day, depending on both their schedules. In exchange he could do as he pleased with the rest of his time and the demon wasn’t to bother him.

That wasn’t nearly as bad as he had expected, now that they had everything laid out. And yet when Lucifer exited Charlie’s office with Alastor on his heels he still felt like he had been cheated somehow. He was overwhelmed and exhausted and wanted nothing more than to go back to his room but he knew he still had to get through lunch first. 

That will be interesting.

***

Alastor was sitting so close to him Lucifer had to retreat to the edge of his chair to avoid bumping elbows with him, and to his irritation the demon didn’t take it as his cue to get out of his personal space. He was pondering whether or not he should get up and leave when he felt a weak tug on his sleeve. 

He lowered his gaze and realized it was his shadow minion, carrying his white bowl of soup. Or rather, what was left of his minion. It was missing its bowtie, with both its buttons for eyes threatening to fall off, and it was as though its ragged frame was barely held together by the bright green thread.

“Hey buddy…What on earth happened to you ?” He asked as he took the bowl from its ruined hands.

In lieu of responding the little creature slowly attached itself to his knee and Lucifer’s hand settled on its head, unsure of what to do. The creature felt cold, and softer than he would have expected.

“Do not humour him. This wretched thing has been positively unbearable these past few days.” The Radio Demon’s voice was dripping with contempt and Lucifer’s heart ached with sympathy for the poor little creature. What must it be like to be enslaved by such a cruel and careless master?

With a twirl of his finger he stitched it back together and the minion no longer looked like it could be unravelled by a gust of wind. And yet it was still clinging to Lucifer’s leg like its existence depended on it and nuzzling his hand. 

“Enough.” Alastor ordered it. 

But the minion didn’t move an inch, soaking up Lucifer’s affection like a starved animal.

“Enough !” The sinner repeated and with a snap of his fingers forcefully dismissed the creature and Lucifer watched, heartbroken, as its forlorn little face dissolved in his hand.

“What is your problem ?!” Lucifer demanded.

“He was making a nuisance of himself.” The Radio Demon replied through gritted teeth.

Lucifer was so distraught he didn’t even want to touch his soup, and clenched his fists to keep himself from doing something embarrassing like storming off or crying on the spot.

“Hey Lulu, wanna see Fat Nuggets chasing after a laser pointer ?” Angel’s voice suddenly exclaimed from behind him, and before he could respond the demon was already sitting on the other side of his seat and shoving his phone in his face. 

The video of the little pink animal chasing after the light like a cat was such a welcome distraction that Lucifer found himself giggling hysterically even though it probably was not that funny. 

“He’s so cute.” Lucifer told him.

“Right ?! Here, I’ll show you the one where I got him to say hello !” Angel said, gently pushing the bowl back in front of him and Lucifer distractedly began eating as he listened to his friend comment the video.

They spent the remainder of lunch angled away from where Alastor was sitting, and when Lucifer finally turned around he realized the sinner had already disappeared. He didn’t even register him being gone.

***

“Hey Shorty, why so blue ?” A voice drawled, and hadn’t it been for the sardonic tone and the owner of the voice Lucifer might have laughed at the pun.

“Lux.” He greeted tiredly.

He reluctantly crossed the lobby to make his way to Lux and Nico. Charlie’s announcement had taken place half an hour ago, and Lucifer was aware that there was probably nothing he could say that would convince the sinner to stay in the hotel. Lux had come here to get redeemed, and instead got infected by a virus, crippled by Lucifer and almost attacked by a murderous psychopath. Lucifer wouldn’t blame him if he decided to flee this place as fast as he could. 

But to his surprise the sinner dismissed his lackey and simply sat with him in silence for several minutes.

“I’m almost feeling sorry for your daughter, she sounded like she was seconds away from begging us to stay earlier .” Lux observed, but for once there was no bite in his tone.

“She wouldn’t mind doing it, if she thought that could help. I hope you know she’s doing it for all your sakes, not for hers.” Lucifer told him, looking him right in the eyes and Lux smiled briefly.

“Oh I know. Don’t get me wrong, I like her whole Friendship is Magic kinda shtick. I don’t think there’s any chance she might succeed, but it’s refreshing to have someone believe in me for once.” The sinner chuckled, and Lucifer thought back to what Charlie had said to Alastor earlier. 

It always comes down to that, doesn’t it ? 

“Are you saying that you’ll stay ?” Lucifer inquired, because it sounded like this was what the sinner was implying. 

“Do you wanna know why I still haven’t forgiven you ?” Lux asked him instead..

“What ?” Lucifer asked, his palms suddenly sweating.

"Don't play dumb, we both know it's obvious I still have a bone to pick with you. So d'you wanna know why ?" Lux repeated. 

 Of course Lucifer had known the sinner hadn't forgiven him, that had rather been obvious in his attitude. But he hadn’t expected Lux to actually acknowledge it.

He knew that there was a type of people who, when they felt they'd been wronged, actually preferred to avoid the subject entirely, neither giving nor withholding forgiveness. Except they would hold the fault over the person's head for eternity like they possessed some sort of perpetual moral high ground. Lilith had been like that, letting things fester under the surface without ever discussing it, but sure enough every time they would have a fight she would bring up everything he ever did wrong in their millennia of marriage. Unsurprisingly their Fall from Heaven featured frequently in their arguments when she felt she didn't have the upper hand anymore, even if it was unrelated to what they were talking about.

"Yes," he said, resolute. Lux studied him carefully before leaning back on his seat and turning his head away from him. 

"I know it wasn't your fault," he said and he briefly glanced at Lucifer who was looking at him with wide eyes, dumbfounded. 

" It wasn't." He repeated. "You warned us that it was super risky and we didn't listen. I know you didn't hurt me on purpose or because you were negligent. It couldn't be helped."

"Then why ?" Lucifer pressed and there was a hint of frustration in his voice. 

Why were you so angry at me if you knew it wasn’t my fault ? Why were you so awful ?

"Because, you weren't sorry” Lux declared. “ No, don't look at me like that, yeah you apologized and everything but you didn't feel sorry for me. You felt sorry for yourself. You were absolutely miserable but it was never out of empathy for me, it was because of your self-loathing. Like I wasn't even a real person to you, just proof that you were just a piece of shit after all. Even if it was to beat yourself up you made it all about you when it should have been about someone else for once." 

Lucifer closed his mouth and looked at the sinner more intently.

"You hurt me, it wasn't on purpose and it wasn't entirely your fault but you hurt me. I wanted you to care, to leave your self hate at the door and actually listen to what I felt. Let me cry or yell at you or whatever, but just be there, you know ?  But you couldn't even look me in the eyes afterwards, like I was a bad memory you wanted to forget. And everyone kept telling me to leave you alone because you were so innocent and fragile and I was so fucking over it. I couldn't stand your little tragic fallen angel act, only it wasn't even an act and it made it so much worse." Lux mused, and his words were more cutting than ever but he didn't seem angry or passive aggressive. He looked at Lucifer almost defensively, as though he expected him to tell him he was wrong. But when Lucifer didn’t say anything something softened in his eyes, and he seemed to relax against the edge of the wagon.

"Why are you telling me this now, then ?" Lucifer asked, trying to keep his tone equal. 

"Because these past two weeks you looked like you were curious about us sinners. And…everyone’s been talking a lot about you y’know ? How you’ve been basically locked up all alone in your bunker for thousands of years because destroying you would nuke us all ? Even I could admit it was tragic and sad as fuck, it’s no wonder you’re so awkward around people.” Lux told him.

“Um. Thank you ?” Lucifer offered hesitantly, the whole conversation had been so unexpected he felt almost dizzy.

“My point is, whatever is going on here, with you ? I kinda want to be there to see it. I mean, if we’ve all been wrong about you, then what else could we have been wrong about, right ?” The sinner told him, looking almost embarrassed at openly displaying anything that wasn’t his usual brand of cynicism. 

“I still think you’re stuck up and have no sense of humour though. I don’t think we’ll be friends or whatever.” The sinner hastily added.

“Me neither.” Lucifer deadpanned, because somehow he knew they didn’t have to be friends to respect one another. 

Lux snorted and when he called Nico back over Lucifer thought it was his cue to leave but the sinner wasn’t finished with him.

“One last thing. The red creep’s Turning, it has to do with you right ?” He said, and Lucifer’s heart almost jumped out of his chest.

“Why would you say that ?” He asked, but his voice was wavering and he was already blushing. Lilith had often told him he was an awful liar.

“I mean, the way he’s been following you around like he was your shadow for weeks ? And then you disappeared and he was like Gollum who just lost The One Ring ? Come on.”

“Who ?” Lucifer asked, lifting a quizzical eyebrow.

“Nevermind. My point is I’m not dumb ok ? And I don’t know about the details and I don’t wanna know, but don’t let him push you around until he takes up so much space in the room you’re the one who has to leave, alright ? Push back. ” Lux ordered him and Lucifer sighed.

“You make it sound like it’s easy.” He replied.

“Like Hell it is ! You think I was like that when I was alive ? It took dying for me to stop taking shit from other people. Just do your thing and ignore him. Don’t disappear on us again.” Lux told him firmly.

“I won’t.” Lucifer promised, and he realized he truly meant it. Two weeks ago he would never have thought any of his subjects would care if he disappeared. And even if the residents of the hotel only made up a tiny, insignificant, infinitesimal portion of his kingdom Lucifer decided they might still be worth fighting for.

***

He was about to climb up the stairs when he heard angry voices coming from the downstairs bathroom.He looked around cautiously, the last thing he wanted was to stumble upon a lover’s spat or something equally embarrassing. Unless those people were ready to throw hands and cause trouble to Charlie’s hotel it wasn’t his problem.

Especially not in this bathroom, where The Milking Incident™ had occurred and the sight had been burned on his retina forever.

“...et me through, asshole.” He heard a voice that sounded suspiciously like Angel’s.

“Do not think for a moment that I am not aware of what you are doing." And that voice he immediately recognized by its emblematic radio filter.

Lucifer let out a long suffering sigh, because of course now it was his problem. It was his friend and his…whatever Alastor was, who were causing a scene in public after they’d just averted losing all their residents. And in the bathroom too. Lucifer had had no idea bathrooms could be such unpredictable and dangerous places before he moved in the Hotel.

 As he grew closer the conversation became clearer, and he could hear the irritated screeches of Alastor’s feedback.

"Taking advantage of Lucifer's vulnerable state to ingratiate yourself with him ? Perhaps you might even be toying with the idea of asking him to get you out of that little deal of yours ?” Alastor cooed, and Lucifer realized it was the first time he was hearing his voice since he'd Turned while he wasn’t present himself. He’d forgotten how cutting and vicious his tone could be, completely devoid of the gentleness Lucifer had grown accustomed to whenever he was in the room, whether the sinner was addressing him directly or not. As though Lucifer's presence in the vicinity alone was enough to soften him. 

"You don't know shit about me." Angel spat. "Or him apparently. But I figured you out, I'm not as stupid as you think I am."

"Is that so ? I was given to understand that clever people didn't typically end up in your line of work. But please, enlighten me !" Alastor hissed.

“You've bullied your way in his life but you haven’t a clue how to make him like you. And now you're taking it out on me because you know Lulu and I have something real. You're pathetic." Angel growled, and the static grew even more menacing.

"Careful, my dear fellow. I may have promised our king not to kill you, but there are other ways to make you squirm. Need I remind you who owns the soul of your precious paramour ? All the things I could do to-”Both Alastor’s words and his static came to a screeching halt when Lucifer was ten feet away from the bathroom door. 

Lucifer realized with a shudder that Alastor must have felt his presence, even though he knew he’d been absolutely, inhumanly quiet. The door suddenly opened to reveal a perfectly composed Radio Demon, but his apparent confidence was belied by the way his internal radio briefly tuned to a news channel.

“What do you think you’re doing ?” Lucifer asked him stonily, and his heart clenched when he saw Angel’s shaken expression from behind Alastor. Given where he was currently standing it was likely that the Radio Demon had cornered him while he was already inside. 

“Why, nothing my Dear ! Just a friendly chat between colleagues, nothing to concern yourself with !” Alastor cooed in his direction but visibly deflated when he realized Lucifer was having none of it. 

“Really ? Because from where I’m standing it looks like you’ve been threatening my friend in a bathroom.” Lucifer observed, casting a reassuring look at the spider demon who nodded gratefully before slipping past them and disappearing in the nearest corridor.

Alastor looked like he was about to protest but Lucifer raised a hand to stop him.

“That’s all. Walk me back to my room.” 

They both climbed the stairs in icy silence and Lucifer made a point of walking in front of Alastor instead of beside him so he wouldn’t even have to see his face. And he silently willed the demon not to say anything, not to make it worse, because Lucifer’s patience was already holding by a thread.

But of course, Alastor had to put his foot in his mouth.

"He is trying to manipulate you." Alastor finally said as they went down the corridor, his voice smaller than before and his static subdued. Everything about him exuded concern and solicitude, which made Lucifer even angrier.

"No he's not ! You only think that because that's what you would do in his place. But everyone is not as opportunistic and manipulative as you are !" Lucifer snapped, suddenly turning around to face him and throwing his arms in the air.

Alastor grimaced, but didn't try to prove him wrong. They both knew Lucifer was right, Alastor wasn't a good person, he wasn't above hurting people to get what he wanted. 

"I am merely trying to protect you." The sinner said in a tired, resigned tone.

"Of what ? Of being hurt ? And how do you think it makes me feel that you seem to think the only reason people would want to get close to me is to take advantage of me ? Or that I am so stupid I wouldn't see it coming if it was the case ?" Lucifer asked bitterly.

"That is not what I was implying, do not put words in my mouth." Alastor hissed, his ears plastered to his skull. 

"I don't need to put words in your mouth ! You think I’m angry because I misunderstood you ? I understand everything perfectly fine. You've been proving to me with your every action that you cannot be trusted.” Lucifer declared.

He was trembling with relief when they finally reached the door of his room. Lucifer was looking forward to putting this day behind him. Maybe he’ll draw himself a bath, with one of those fancy bath oils Lilith used to soak herself in before bed that made her smell like she’d robbed a spa. He’ll cuddle with Sir Caraduck and tell him all about the ongoing catastrophe that was his life.

"Lucifer." Alastor called just before he could open the door, and Lucifer now regretted ever giving the sinner permission to use his given name. He was getting tired of hearing it said in that desperate tone. He was tired of those glowing eyes following him like sad, pleading ghosts. He was tired of Alastor, full stop.

"What ?" Lucifer hissed.

What more do you want from me ?

"May I-May I hold you ?" The demon asked softly and Lucifer looked at him incredulously. 

He couldn't believe the nerve of that man, to think that it was an appropriate thing to ask Lucifer right now. Or an appropriate thing to ask Lucifer ever for that matter.

"No." Lucifer spat. "And for future reference, I never want you to hold me." 

"Why ? What about me is so very repulsive that I seem to be the only one you will deny the slightest amount of sympathy and closeness ?" Alastor demanded, raising his tone for the first time since that awful night behind his door.

“Everything.” Lucifer cried, his voice breaking on the last syllable. The confession had felt like it’s been ripped out of him and Lucifer could pinpoint the exact, nauseating moment his answer registered with the Radio Demon. The sinner had flinched, as though he’d been violently slapped and Lucifer suspected the words had cut less than the sheer honesty behind them.

He wanted to run away and hide from the hurt he could see gushing in Alastor’s crimson eyes, like blood from a wound. He wanted to beg the demon to find someone else, anyone else to protect and care for. Someone who wouldn’t share their history, who would welcome his affection without tearing everything apart like a mouse caught in a glue trap.

And suddenly he wanted to apologize too, because somehow Alastor looked as though he wanted to comfort him even after Lucifer all but called him disgusting right to his face. He opened his mouth but the demon calmly shook his head.

“Please, don’t.” He said, his tone calm and defeated. “You should rest, after the day you’ve just had you must be exhausted. I shall come back tomorrow morning.” And he turned on his heels and left, his back ramrod straight, before he could hear the answer. 

Lucifer entered his room and closed the door. He silently took Sir Caraduck in his arms before carrying him to the balcony. He settled him in the long chair Angel had occupied what felt like an eternity ago, before curling up in his own.

“I just need to clear my head a little, you don’t mind if we sit here for a bit ?” He asked him. 

Sir Caraduck humoured him, and together they watched the sky get darker and darker until Lucifer felt less like he wanted to disappear. 

Don’t disappear on us again. 

“ I won’t," Lucifer repeated, even though Lux wasn’t there to hear him this time.

Not anymore.

Chapter Text

Lucifer suspected some kind of sophisticated defense mechanism must be involved. 

Because there was no other explanation for why he seemed to keep doing the exact same thing every morning and yet still expect different results. 

Day after day he would open the door of his bedroom at exactly eleven fifteen. And day after day Alastor would be behind it, looking increasingly miserable and defeated. Yet for some reason Lucifer kept expecting to find him gone each morning. And when it didn’t happen that day he kept expecting it to happen the day after, and the day after, and the day after that.

He didn't even have a clear hypothesis on why exactly the sinner should be gone. Would he have been miraculously cured from the virus ? Would he have finally given up on Lucifer, tired of investing his time and energy in a lost cause ? Would a giant piano have fallen on his head while he was crossing the lobby ? It was anyone’s guess, but despite all evidence to the contrary Lucifer was always half expecting this whole charade to be a dream he will sooner or later wake up from.

Sooner would be nice. 

Today was no different. He held his breath and opened the door like one would rip off a band-aid, and was once again disappointed to find himself face to face with the sinner’s tired and searching eyes. 

Not today either huh ?

He suspected Alastor must have identified the pattern as well, because every time Lucifer opened the door he looked like he was bracing himself for his reaction, with his smile askew and his ears plastered to his skull. As though he didn’t want to disappoint Lucifer but kept doing it anyway just by being himself. 

“Hi.” Lucifer offered, who seemed to have somehow forgotten how to make eye contact with another person without having an existential crisis.

Do I normally look at both eyes at the same time or do I just focus on one ? 

“Hello.” Alastor replied. 

And he said nothing else.

The silence stretched for what felt like an eternity between them until Lucifer decided he would have paid for someone to come and interrupt…whatever this was. He had expected, if not trust or warmth, at least some manner of familiarity to set in at some point. Because surely there was only so much awkwardness and uncomfortable silences two people could take before they went insane.

Apparently not. 

“...Shall we ?” The sinner inquired, and Lucifer sighed in relief.

“Yes. Please.” He replied and the two of them went down the corridor. 

Lucifer noticed that they even lacked synchronicity in their steps, Alastor kept trying to adjust his pace to accommodate Lucifer’s shorter legs so they could walk side by side and Lucifer kept trying to accelerate as though he might lose the sinner if he was fast enough. The result was probably like watching two people attempt an argentine tango in a straight line while drunk.

He felt the weight of Alastor’s eyes on him, but kept looking right ahead, unwilling to lose himself in that sad, expectant gaze. 

They’d undoubtedly both been depressed this past week. Lucifer’s anger towards Alastor had faded, replaced by wariness and, surprisingly, a feeling of terrible, barely there, very wrong alignment. They were similar to two natural enemies, like a cat and a dog, stranded on a wooden plank in the middle of the ocean, both incapable of emphasizing with the other outside of the general feeling of being trapped.

Alastor needed contact and involvement. Lucifer needed space and time.

And so they were stuck in some ridiculous limbo, where their respective needs kept cancelling each other and none were actually being fully met.

 Unsurprisingly though, no more mention of Charlie's contract had been made in the past week and Lucifer assumed he had been right. Alastor was probably either preparing his exit or preparing to make his case. 

As they went down the stairs and arrived in the lobby Lucifer decided their utter lack of grace when walking next to one another didn't matter much, because they were hardly inconspicuous anyway. 

 In the past week he’d gotten used to the residents observing them with rapt attention every time they appeared together in public. To Lucifer’s continuing mortification it was the same baffled look they gave Steve, a former truck driver with an overbite who might have been the missing link between human and ape when he was alive and who was married to Leandra, a former neurosurgeon who also happened to be Miss Arizona 2007. The two residents had become the stuff of legends since they checked in the hotel a week ago, and had probably more people in Hell speculating about them than there were people on earth speculating about UFOs or the Loch Ness monster.

As Lucifer cast a brief, defeated look at Alastor he wondered who was the Steve of their own ill-assorted couple. 

Charlie’s speech last week had proven to be efficient, because the hotel suffered no more departures aside from the handful of residents who had already left. What they hadn’t expected however was for more people to check in once they’d heard about the king of Hell sharing a living space with the sinners and interacting with them on a daily basis. Lucifer feared this new batch might be less interested in redemption than they were in gawking at him, or worse, trying to get closer to him.

The only reason he could go about his day in relative peace and quiet now was Alastor, who made such an efficient repellant Lucifer wondered if he should patent it.

Charlie’s message had been loud and clear: the Radio Demon wouldn’t attack or threaten any of them, unless they posed a threat to the hotel or the security of the other guests. However just because the sinners knew Alastor wouldn't attack them it didn't mean they weren’t still scared of him. Lucifer figured the phenomenon might be similar to the fear one felt towards a caged alligator at the zoo: it couldn't actually hurt anybody, but that didn't stop people from wondering what would happen if they fell into the enclosure by accident. 

"Preciouuuuuuuus ! " Lux hissed in Alastor's direction as he was wheeled past them in the lobby, and he and Nico cackled like a pair of hyenas as they walked away.

Unsurprisingly he was the only resident who wasn't afraid of the Radio Demon, and seemed to take great pleasure in taunting him whenever possible. More often than not by referencing a certain Gollum, a ring and whispering the word precious in a hissing, nasal voice which never failed to leave Alastor halfway between murderous and confused. 

The Radio Demon executed one of his terrifying 180° head turns that had a nearby demon screech in horror, but Lux was not deterred and continued snickering until he was out of sight.

With a sigh Alastor held the door of the dining room open for him and Lucifer entered. Pondering if he should thank him and yet finding himself incapable of doing so.

***

Lunch had become a miserable affair.

The first reason was because his little shadow minion had been nowhere to be seen ever since Alastor dismissed it almost one week ago. That was the only subject on which he’d been willing to engage with Alastor, and each time the sinner answered him the same thing : he was dealt with. 

Lucifer wondered if it was code for being dead and his heart ached with worry for the pitiful creature, and the silences between him and the Radio Demon were colder than ever during lunchtime. 

The second reason was because he did not care for his minion’s sassy replacement. 

“Dad, are you alright ?” Charlie inquired with her mouth full and Lucifer realized he’d been spacing out again.

“Yes. Fine, sweetie.” He replied distractingly, and he numbly watched as the white bowl of soup was being pushed in front of him.

It was a shadow minion alright, taller and broader with a surly face and Lucifer recognized him as the one that smacked his minion across the head the other day. It was the same ritual everyday, the minion would push the bowl directly in front of Lucifer instead of handing it to him. Then he would stand behind him for the entire duration of the meal to watch him eat with its arms crossed on its chest and a stern look. As though Lucifer was a particularly dense three years old who couldn't be trusted with his food. And when Lucifer was finished it would clear the table with fast, effective movements and disappear without interacting with him at all.

However no matter how bad its attitude with Lucifer seemed to be it was nothing compared to the side eye of epic proportions it kept giving Alastor, which the Radio Demon pointedly ignored. Lucifer imagined it was similar to the look an underpaid, exhausted Nanny would give an unruly child she believed was on his way to juvenile delinquency. Which made Lucifer question himself once more about the exact nature of the relationship between Alastor and his minions.

“Lulu, how’d you think I would look with a tattoo ? Whiskers here say it’s a stupid idea !” Angel complained in his direction as he showed him a picture of a butterfly that seemed to be located just above someone’s…oh.

“That’s cause this ain’t a tattoo, that’s a fucking tramp stamp.” The bartender replied, but his aggravated expression was belied by the deep purring that was emanating from his chest and that everyone pointedly ignored. Including Angel.

Unsurprisingly his friend was one of the only things that made lunch even remotely tolerable, but the increasing animosity between him and Alastor was becoming concerning.

As though to illustrate his point, the Radio Demon scoffed in disgust. 

“I’ll have to side with Husker my Dear, you hardly need to advertise yourself as more vulgar than you already are. I’m afraid you are not exactly subtle.” He mocked with fake solicitude.

“Ok Alastor !” Charlie exclaimed with a tense smile, "I think you made your feelings on the matter pretty clear.”

“Says the guy who’s never gotten laid in his entire life. You should give it a try, maybe a good railing could help remove that giant stick you have up your ass.” Angel spat, not intimidated in the slightest by the sudden screech of feedback that had even Lucifer jump on his seat.

“Angel.” Vaggie warned, taking over as his daughter sat back on her chair, looking defeated. 

 Lucifer was grateful for her. Both because he didn’t want the two of them to fight, and because he didn’t want to hear about Alastor’s sex life or lack thereof. 

“Then again you’d have to find someone who’d fuck you.” His friend continued, as though he hadn’t heard her and Lucifer abruptly got up and started to leave, gesturing to the radio Demon to follow him. 

It was one of the only convenient things about this otherwise hateful situation: he could drag the Radio Demon away from any fight simply by leaving. 

***

They usually had their court ordered hour of uninterrupted time alone together right after lunch, at Lucifer’s request. It wasn’t because he was looking forward to spending more time with the Radio Demon after having already suffered through lunch seated next to him. But he had decided he would rather get rid of every activity he found unsavoury in one sitting and have the rest of the day to himself. The same way a child would begrudgingly eat their vegetables so they could get to the dessert. 

Though spending time with him was probably not the correct term for whatever they’ve been doing this past week, which had been sitting next to each other in the parlour without saying a word. Lucifer unwilling to break the silence, Alastor unwilling to upset Lucifer, and neither of them having a good time at all. 

Today had been no different and Lucifer was so tired of his and Alastor’s pathological awkwardness he was actually looking forward to seeing other people. 

Selecting a group activity each day had become an uphill battle. 

Things had been tense between Charlie and him, and he’d been more or less avoiding her ever since that conversation in her office. It wasn’t that he was angry at her, but he still needed time to process what happened between them and so far she had respected his wishes. But every activity involving Charlie was a no go, which was inconvenient because she was present for almost all of them. Today there were only three activities that wouldn’t involve her. 

The first was art class which he wouldn’t be revisiting anytime soon for an endless list of reasons. The main one being that he was pretty sure Alastor and Celeste would throw hands if left in close proximity with one another for more than ten minutes at a time. 

The second was Family Session, which primary focus was grief counseling for people who were separated from their loved ones after death, either by the extermination or Heaven and Hell’s sorting system. But it wasn’t uncommon for people to talk about their grievances with the family members who did end up in Hell with them. He knew for a fact that Angel attended this session quite often to talk about his sister Tina, but Lucifer didn’t feel ready to confront the glaring issue of his marriage or address his yet to be mended relationship with his daughter. 

Which left only one possibility : Geology class.

“But that isn’t to say that you should expect for the Bismuth-209 to be greatly radioactive,” One of the Torvis concluded proudly while the other was pointing at a transition diagram. 

 Lucifer kept himself from telling her that personally he had never expected anything from the Bismuth-209 in his entire existence. 

He had been curious at first, when he’d learned that Torvi, now Torvis, had been a geologist in her earthly existence. The idea of the profession evoking images such as archeologists bent over a giant fossile or looking at pretty gems with a magnifying glass. What he hadn’t expected was to spend the next three hours of his existence hearing about isotopes, quantum theory and Radioactive decay.

By the middle of the activity he was looking at the rocks that were displayed on the table with a blank expression, trying to figure out which one would knock him out the fastest if he wanted to escape this torment without actually running away. 

Alastor for his part only seemed interested in carbon dating in the context of criminal investigation and Lucifer wondered if he shouldn’t throw the rocks at him instead, when he felt a shudder creep up his spine. 

He looked around nervously, catching Alastor’s attention in the process. 

“Is something the matter, my Dear ?” He pried, and Lucifer was so ill at ease he even forgot to be angry at Alastor for calling him My Dear. 

“I don’t know.” He muttered. 

That’s when he saw her. A petite sinner with short hair and green skin who was sitting on the armchair opposite him. Except that Lucifer hadn’t registered she was there at all, it was like she suddenly appeared out of nowhere. 

Has she been here since the beginning? 

But the most alarming thing was the way she was looking at him, her strikingly green eyes following his every movement like a bird of prey. She licked her lips in a jerky, disrupting manner, her eyes never leaving him. When she noticed she had his attention she immediately got up before approaching him, and from the surprised gaps he could hear from the other residents it was likely they hadn’t registered her presence either. 

“Hello Your Majesty, I’m Mina.” She offered and when she stuck out her tongue again Lucifer figured it might be a tick of some sort. 

She extended one of her hands towards him, only for it to be firmly slapped to the side by the tip of Alastor’s microphone.

“Mina my Dear, has no one ever told you it’s incredibly rude to introduce yourself so brazenly to royalty ?” The Radio Demon admonished with a click of his tongue. “Lucifer, allow me to introduce our newest resident Mina, a chameleon of sorts.” Alastor offered as he gestured to the demon, and he wrinkled his nose in distaste when she stuck out her tongue at him. “Please forgive this unbecoming habit of hers, an unfortunate side effect of her Turning I’m afraid.”

Ah, that explains it. 

“ Charmed, I’m sure.” Lucifer offered hesitantly.

“You probably do not recognize me, but I actually worked in the palace when the Queen was still with us, Your Majesty.” She said, looking Lucifer right in the eyes, as though neither he nor Alastor had said anything. 

Lucifer’s eyes widened, and the wariness he’d felt towards the sinner suddenly turned into guilt and embarrassment. It was no wonder Mina was looking at him sideways if she’d been in his employ for god knows how long and he couldn’t be bothered to remember her face.

“Oh…I am so sorry, I am afraid I do not remember you.” he told her honestly, and her eyes widened slightly.

“No. No Your Highness, do not apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Mina told him, her tone surprisingly fierce and her gaze more intense than ever. 

There was an uncomfortable crackle of static before Alastor bodily inserted himself between Lucifer and Mina. 

“I am sure there will be plenty of time for reminiscing later, why don’t you go take your seat Dear ?” He asked mildly, but the look in his eyes indicated it wasn’t a question. 

Mina obligingly went back to her armchair and after a moment the Torvis resumed their soporific lecture about the boringly long half-life of the Bismuth-209. But her eyes never left him.  

***

He felt his hair prickle at the back of his neck and knew someone was behind him even though they didn’t make a sound. He already knew it wasn’t Alastor, as loath as he was to admit it he’d grown accustomed enough to the sinner’s presence to not be startled every time he appeared out of nowhere beside him. 

He turned around, lighting fast and found himself face to face with Mina’s mint colored face.

The feeling of wariness from earlier returned and Lucifer wasn’t sure what it was that was bothering him so much about the resident. Maybe it was the way she was looking at him as though she and Lucifer shared a connection he was unaware of. Maybe it was the disturbing way she would lick her lips as she took in his body. Or maybe it was that for some reason, his entire being was screaming at him that this person was not his friend. 

“Hello again Your Majesty.” Mina whispered, standing way too close for comfort. 

“Mina, it’s almost time for supper. Maybe you should go back.” He told her. He hadn’t meant for it to sound like a warning but he couldn’t conceal the edge of wariness from his voice.

“Do you want to know why I checked into the hotel ?” Mina probed, ignoring his previous sentence. 

Not particularly, no. 

Lucifer could hardly tell her that though, and once again he lamented at how thin the line between politeness and hypocrisy was. Why was it frowned upon to tell people he barely knew that he wasn’t interested in hearing about their lives ?

“What don’t you tell me ?” He said through gritted teeth, in lieu of the truth. 

“Because there is someone I wronged.” She said, as though telling him a secret. 

“Well !” He exclaimed as he took a step backward to reestablish some distance between them. Where was Alastor when you needed him ? Now would be a good time to appear and make Mina so uncomfortable she’d have no choice but to leave Lucifer alone. “You’ve come to the right place ! I’m sure my daughter will be able to help you with that.” 

“I already talked to her, she told me that if possible I should apologize to the person I wronged.” She told him softly, discreetly taking another step towards him, her expression more desperate now.

“Great. Then why don’t you go do that ?” Lucifer asked her, discreetly pivoting so that she wouldn’t be able to back him up a wall.

“Because, Your Majesty, the person I wronged was you .” Mina declared and it was like a cold stone had settled in his lungs.

“You must be mistaken. I already told you I don’t know you” Lucifer protested, the stone in his chest growing heavier and colder, even as his palms began sweating.

“That’s because we never met.” The sinner told him.

Why are you talking in riddles ?

“You said you worked for me.” He choked, fervently wishing Alastor was here now. Or literally anyone who could come between him and the freight train he saw coming at him at full speed.

“I said I worked at the palace, but I didn’t work for you, Your Highness. I worked for the Queen.” She explained, licking her lips as her tone and face were growing more manic and desperate by the minute.

“ Stop. Whatever you think you have to say, don’t.” Lucifer replied, his voice wavering and yet a traitorous part of him wanted to know. Was tired of being left in the dark.

“You see I manifested in hell with a peculiar set of skills.” She said, as though she hadn’t heard him.” I can go unnoticed if I wish to. At first she told me it was just to check on you. She told me you weren’t well, that your mind was sick and that she was worried for you. And I needed the money.” 

“What are you talking ab-”

“She asked me to watch you. At first it was just the little things, like if you’d eaten, if you'd come out of bed, it was innocent enough. But after a few months it escalated.” She told him, her green, green eyes never leaving him with that hateful little tongue sticking out.

“How so…?” He whispered in a trembling voice, having abandoned all notions of fleeing. Somehow he knew that he could not escape this, not anymore.

“She’d asked me to tell her about everything you were doing, every person you were talking to. It started making me uncomfortable, but she increased the pay and she promised it was for your own good. She told me you were a danger to yourself, that if we weren’t careful one day you would do something you couldn’t take back and doom us all.” She lamented, as Lucifer was trying to control his increasingly shallow breathing. It was like the stone in his chest had expanded so much it was starting to crawl up his throat.

Suddenly it all clicked into place, how Lilith always seemed to know who to punish when she accused him of flirting with other people in her absence, how she always seemed to know if he’d cried, if he’d slept all day just so she could make him feel miserable and guilty over it. He had to suppress a wave of nausea when he suddenly realized what else it entailed, Mina watched him eat, sleep, cry. Had she seen him naked ? Had she seen him and Lilith be intimate ? Bile was burning the back of his throat as he forced himself to speak again.

“Was that all ?” He asked, but somehow he found he couldn’t hear his own voice under the sound of blood pumping in his ears. He couldn’t hear his breathing either, and idly wondered if he was even breathing, it would certainly explain his dizziness if he wasn’t. 

The look on her face said it all, and her grimace looked like a Greek tragedy mask.

“She…told me to move…things. Little things that wouldn’t be too obvious, just enough that you would question…” She hesitated.

“That I would question my sanity.” He finished in her place and her face was streaming with tears now, but he couldn’t find it in himself to feel sorry for her.

 “Why ?” He demanded.

“I don’t know.” She sobbed. “I-I knew it wasn’t right by that point, but once I realized that I also realized she wouldn’t let me walk away alive…So I kept doing it.” 

He recalled all the times he’d work himself into panic attacks after searching for a pen, or a rubber duck or a piece of clothing that he knew had been right there only for them to reappear someplace else sometime later. It had been in those moments he’d felt the most broken, when he’d wondered if he was just insane and worthless after all. It was those moments that usually were the last straw.

 And then Lilith would appear to comfort him. She would guide him to bed, pet his hair and tell him everything would be alright, that she would make everything better. And he’d been so grateful that she’d been there, because what kind of ruler would he have been if he couldn’t even remember where he’d put a Fucking. Pen.

To his horror Mina seized his hands and went down on her knees, her expression pleading.

“ Please, forgive me My King.” She whimpered as she tried burying her face in his palm, but her tears were like acid against his skin.

“Let me go.” He told her numbly, trembling all over as the stone in his chest threatened to choke him. But she didn't budge. 

“ Let me go ! “ He shouted, using up all the air that was left in his lungs before his legs couldn't hold him anymore and he collapsed on the floor.

He barely registered her being dragged away from him until he heard her screeching as she tried to free her hair from Alastor’s unforgiving grasp.The Radio Demon leaned towards her, tilting his head at an unnatural angle as his sclera turned black, and her next scream was one of terror as she struggled even more to escape his clutches.

But when his gaze met Lucifer’s his features relaxed and he released Mina on the floor as if she was nothing more than a broken porcelain doll.

“Run, my Dear.” He told her. “And pray that our darling princess finds you before I do.” 

She immediately scurried away like a frightened mouse and the radio Demon once again turned to him, his features back to normal. 

“Lucifer.” Alastor called as he kneeled in front of him but Lucifer crawled away with a whimper to hide himself between the wall and a wooden drawer. 

“Please Lucifer talk to me. What has this filthy wretch done to you !” He demanded, a touch too loudly. Lucifer burst into tears and drew up his knees to hug them against his body.

“Oh dear. Alright, please don’t cry. Everything will be just fine.” Alastor told him, sounding painfully uncomfortable.

Beneath the anxiety Lucifer could feel a twinge of frustration at the absurdity of it all, because out of every person who could have witnessed his panic attack he was stuck with the one who apparently never comforted anyone in his entire life and was making his first attempt at empathy with all the grace of an elephant trying to imitate a butterfly. 

“All will be well.” The Radio Demon insisted. “ May I touch you ? Please, let me comfort you. Please .” Alastor said as he tentatively extended a hand to him like one would offer a palm for a feral kitten to sniff. 

“ Don’t come closer.” Lucifer whimpered as he fisted his hair so tightly he probably tore out a few golden strands. 

“I don’t know what to do. Please, tell me how to help you. Please…” Alastor implored in a desperate, static laden voice, his hands still hovering uselessly near his sides.

“Don’t come closer…” He repeated, before burying his face in his knees. It took him a minute to realize the ever present feedback had disappeared and when he lifted his head again Alastor was gone.

He silently rocked himself back and forth as he tried to get his breathing under control.

 He hadn’t wanted him gone, he hadn’t wanted to be alone, he just hadn’t wanted to be touched. 

I knew you’d get fed up eventually. 

I was right. 

***

“Hey !” A familiar voice exclaimed. “What the heck is going on here ?” 

Lucifer didn’t waste a second and all but threw himself in Angel’s arms, nearly sending both of them crashing on the floor as he once again started crying.

“Fuck ! What the hell happened to you ? Hey, shhh shhh, it’s ok. You’re ok Lulu.” Angel whispered as two of his hands snaked around his waist while the two others stroked his back and hair. “There, there, you’re doing great sweetheart. Try to breathe for me alright ? OK, here we go. Perfect.” He praised as the stone finally lifted from Lucifer’s chest and he could finally breathe again.

“You’re doing so good sweetheart. D’you think you can portal us back to your room ?” Angel asked him gently and Lucifer endeavoured to gather his thoughts enough to think of an answer. He would have no problem opening a portal, but in his current state he might have trouble focusing on a destination and land them somewhere inconvenient, or worse, dangerous. 

“ No.” He replied simply, and thankfully his friend didn’t seem to need any further explanation.

“Gotcha. Can you walk ? Angel inquired next. 

“No.” Lucifer replied once again.

“‘Kay, can you wrap your arms around my neck? Yeah, perfect. Here we go.”Angel declared before he lifted him with surprising ease, as though Lucifer didn’t weigh more than a feather. As the sinner carried him through the corridor Lucifer mused that for someone so lanky Angel was deceptively strong. 

Once in his room his friend carefully set him down on the bed, and Lucifer suddenly felt cold. But to his relief the demon climbed up next to him without any hesitation and wrapped all of his limbs back around his still trembling frame.

“You don’t have to stay.” He muttered in the soft snowy fur, but he made no movement to release Angel either. 

“I want to.” His friend whispered in his hair, and the soft wave of his breathing was the last thing he registered before sleep claimed him.

***

After Angel left the next morning he spent the rest of the day moping in his room and feeling guilty for once again failing to keep his promises. 

It’s not running away, Angel had reminded him. It’s a strategic retreat.

To his relief and tentative gratitude Alastor didn’t come to bother him that day to demand he fulfill his end of their bargain, and the only visit he received was from the surly shadow minion who came to bring him his soup. And looking very much inconvenienced at having to do so. 

“Hello,” Lucifer had told him after opening the door, to which the minion had said nothing and had handed him his soup with the put upon look of a shrewish old lady who just found Jehovah’s witnesses on her doorstep. 

“Thank you.” He’d said as he accepted the bowl and the minion’s face turned more sour than ever as it was about to turn away.

“Always a pleasure !” Lucifer had declared, suddenly feeling brave. “ I have to say your smile really brightens my days !” 

And the shadow minion had cast him an unamused look before disappearing in a puff of smoke. 

***

It was already dark when he heard someone knocking at his door, and to his immediate  surprise and relief he found Angel on the other side.

“Have you forgotten something ?” He inquired hesitantly.

“Come on, don’t you know what day it is ?” Angel said while wiggling his eyebrows. But when Lucifer didn’t get the hint he rolled his eyes and gestured at the shaker he was holding in one of his hands.

“Margarita night ?” Lucifer haphazarded.

“You know it baby !” Angel exclaimed and he threw all his arms in the air in celebration.

Once again Lucifer felt a surge of gratitude for him, because he always seemed to rejoice about the little things that Lucifer could actually do with relative ease, like connecting the dots between a date and an event. 

“I forgot it’s been one week.” He admitted.

“And it’s a good thing too because you look way overdue for some margaritas !”His friend admonished and he ushered Lucifer inside the bedroom 

They didn’t venture out on the balcony this time and instead talked in Lucifer’s bed. Angel told him that drinking alcoholic beverages on one’s bed was a vital component of any good sleepover, which he assured him was a very important rite of passage to adulthood. Somehow the view of Angel propped up on a mountain of pillows in his bed wasn’t as bizarre as Lucifer would have thought it would be. It was like the demon always belonged there. 

Even Sir Caraduck didn’t seem to mind when Angel’s multiple limbs latched onto him, his beady eyes calm and indulgent as he let himself be cuddled against his friend’s chest. 

“Soo d’you maybe…wanna talk about what happened yesterday ? Don’t get me wrong, it's nice to talk about random things, but I feel you’ve been stalling ever since I got here.” Angel said as he refilled both their glasses.  

Lucifer sagged on the pillows and looked at the ceiling for a moment.

“Do you remember our conversation from last week ? About Valentino ?” He inquired. He didn’t actually need Angel to answer, because the sudden haunted look in his eyes was telling enough. 

“Yeah I remember.” The spider demon told him sadly, as though he wished he didn’t.

“You told me there was more than one way to be abused. It was pretty clear what you were hinting at but at the time I just…I don’t know, it was like the truth was just below the surface but I kept missing it." He explained.

“It’s a pretty common response to trauma and abuse, Lulu, your brain is so used to it you begin to think it’s normal. To the point where you can’t even register how crazy you sound when you’re telling your story to someone else.” Angel said softly.

Lucifer placed his glass on the nightstand and curled up in a fetal position on the bed. Angel mirrored him without a word, his face was so close Lucifer could feel his breath tickling his nose.

“Lilith was a terrible person. Do you see Mina, the chameleon sinner who checked in a week ago ? She was a spy Lilith had hired to watch me all the time, and she paid her to mess with my head by moving my things around.“ Lucifer hissed. 

“Holy shit.” Angel said as he rubbed his eyes. 

“The worst thing is, I was grateful for her. I was so relieved that she was there and willing to take care of me when I was being such a mess. “He muttered bitterly

“What a fucking bitch.” Angel suddenly shouted, throwing his fists in the air as though he was imagining punching his ex-wife right in her beautiful, perfectly composed face. Lucifer decided he would pay to see that.

“She abused me ” Lucifer whispered, looking Angel right in the eyes as though he was telling him a secret.

“Yes” Angel whispered back, and he gently took one of his hands in his own. 

“I should hate her. And I think I do, I hate what she did to me, I hate what she made of me. And yet some part of me still loves her. How can it be ?” Lucifer mused, as much to himself as to Angel.

“Because love doesn’t have an on and off switch. It’s like a muscle, the more you use it, the more natural it becomes. And before you know it, loving someone is more of a reflex than a choice.” Angel told him, and the haunted look was back in his eyes.

It was true wasn’t it ? He’d spent nearly the entirety of his existence with Lilith, caring for her, loving her. He didn’t know how to stop.

“You want my advice Lulu ?”Angel suddenly said.

“Yes ?”

“We all think true love is like this big, inescapable thing we’re all powerless to resist but I think it’s all bullshit.I’ve had my heart broken by douchebags more times than I can count because I loved them, and I thought it meant I had no choice. But I was wrong, you can choose to love someone who's good for you. Next time you fall in love, and it’ll happen sooner than you think Lulu, then do me a favor. Let it be a choice .” Angel told him, his eyes serious and pleading.

Lucifer didn’t agree with him of course, he didn’t know if he was capable of falling in love with someone else anymore. It was like Lilith had broken something inside of him that could never be mended.

But Angel’s eyes were so serious and pleading he didn’t have the heart to tell him how broken he truly was.

“I promise.” Lucifer said instead, and the demon squeezed his hand with a watery smile.

They stayed that way for a moment and Lucifer enjoyed how easy and peaceful silence with angel was, as opposed to silence with Alastor that was plain nerve wracking. 

“Angel ?” Lucifer asked softly.

“Yeah ?” The demon inquired.

“Husk. Is he your choice ?” 

"It's complicated, Lulu," Angel said. But Lucifer wasn't fooled, when people said it's complicated they often meant they actually thought it was simple but that nobody would understand or emphasize. 

“How so ?” Lucifer pressed gently. 

“Because he’s my choice, but I’m not sure I’m his.” His friend admitted with a pained expression

“Is that why you pretended not to care about him ?” Lucifer insisted.

Angel’s eyes widened slightly and his shoulders seemed to relax, as though he'd been waiting for someone to point it out.

"It's so fucking stupid. I flirted with him all the time before y'know, and he always rejected me because he thought it didn't mean anything. He was right. It was all bluff and he was the only one who saw through it." He mused and glanced at him and Lucifer nodded. He hadn’t seen them interact with one another much before the Turning, it was difficult to imagine them behaving in any other way than they did now.

"He was always too good for me anyway, I was meant to pine after him like a loser and he was meant to find me ridiculous and never reciprocate. Knowing that he...that he secretly felt that way all this time and now it's all out for everyone to see and he's so...open and vulnerable. It's breaking my fucking heart and I don't know how to deal with him like this. I always ruined every nice thing that ever happened to me, and now thanks to this sodding virus I can literally do that. I can't even fuck or do some heavy petting without tearing out the guy's head for Christ's sake. If I touched him and he...I could never-" Angel tried but the rest of his sentence got swallowed by a frustrated grunt.

 Lucifer simply hummed, because he suspected Angel needed him to listen more than he needed his input.

“How fucked up is it, that I cannot give him the one thing I have that people actually want ?" Angel mumbled in his arms. 

"I don't want to have sex with you." Lucifer told him.

“Right, I know.” Angel chuckled.

“At all.” He added.

“Yeah alright, I get it.” 

“It never even crossed my mind.” He insisted.

“Ok, now it’s getting a bit hurtful !” The spider demon sighed, lifting one of his eyebrows.

“I didn’t mean to-My point is, the thing you believe is the only thing people want from you ? I never thought about it, and yet I still want you in my life.”He said, and drew a quick breath before adding in a smaller voice.”Very much.”

Angel regarded him with a soft expression 

"But isn't it ironic though ? That I've slept with more people than I can count who didn't mean anything, but the only person I ever loved gets the boring ass PG 13 version of me !"

"What about what you would want ?" Lucifer asked him 

"Whadaya mean ?" 

"Forget about Husk for a moment and what you think he wants or needs from you. What would you prefer ? Do you think a relationship with him isn't worth it because you guys can't have sex ?" Lucifer probed, keeping his voice as neutral as possible as he tried to convey with his eyes that whatever the answer was, it would be fine.

But Angel looked at him for a moment before covering his face in his hands and Lucifer already knew what he was about to say.

"Nah, I'd take being with him in a boring ass sexless relationship over having tons of freaky sex with people who aren't him." Angel said incredulously. "Fuck."

"And I mean no offense, but he seems way less interested in sex than you are so if anyone was to think it was a deal-breaker it would probably be you." Lucifer concluded.

"Are you implying I'm a slut ?" Angels asked him, and Lucifer panicked for a moment before he saw the demon's cheeky smile. “I’m joking, I’m joking ! I knew you didn’t mean it that way !”He exclaimed and Lucifer’s shoulders sighed with relief.

“You’re not used to bantering, are you ?” The spider demon observed, but there was no judgment in his eyes.

“No.” Lucifer admitted. “Lilith liked making fun of me but not the other way around. And I never really had any friends to do it with…”

“Well let me tell you something then. We’re friends, we trust each other and that means that I know you well enough to know not to get offended by everything you say. And if I really am bothered then I’ll tell you because I won’t set you up for failure Lulu, and I hope you’ll do the same for me.” Angel told him, earnestly.

“I will.” Lucifer decided, and he was surprised to realize he meant it. Before he started living in the hotel he would have gladly let other people stomp over his feelings, because he’d always felt like if anyone was kind enough to tolerate his company the least he could do was endeavour to make it easy for them. Setting limits and boundaries that people should respect had always seemed like asking for too much.

"I do want to bone him though !" Angel suddenly lamented, tearing Lucifer away from his musing."Have you seen that ass of his ?"

As a matter of fact Lucifer hadn't, and he would rather keep it that way in the foreseeable future but he hummed noncommittally. 

“You should go tell him you like his ass.” Lucifer decided and Angel snickered.

"Easier said that done, do I just go and tell him Hey Whiskers ! I like your ass and your face, let's enter a platonic romantic relationship ?" Angel tried with a grimace.

"That's the idea, I'll even come with you if you like !" Lucifer declared, his margarita addled brain somehow deciding it was a good idea and Angel's eyes softened. 

“You're ridiculous. I'm so lucky to have you." The demon chuckled before ruffling his hair.

"It's me who's lucky to have you. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't found me, I don't even understand how you could possibly have known." Lucifer mumbled. 

“I didn’t Lulu, there was no way I could have known.” Angel admitted with a guilty expression.

“Then how-” Lucifer began with a puzzled expression.

“Because Smiles came to find me.” His friend cut him, his expression a complicated mix of irritation, disbelief and resignation.

“He did ?” Lucifer ventured, already unsure if he wanted to continue the conversation or not. 

“Yeah, if you hadn’t warded my door this bastard would have probably tore it down when I refused to open for him.” Angel complained and that Lucifer could immediately picture given the complicated relationship that seemed to exist between the Radio Demon and closed doors. 

“Well you were right to-”

“You know when you told me what his Turning was about I was skeptical. Sure, I could believe that he cared about you in his own fucked up way, but I figured it was all selfish, you know ? That he only cared about your well-being if he was the one to save you." Angel told him.

"Yes. That's what I thought too, what more is there to say ?" Lucifer inquired with furrowed brows. 

"I was wrong, Lulu. I realized it the second I opened my door and saw his face. He cares about you, like for real. It's not just surface level stuff, it's not healthy or pretty but I gotta give the guy some credit, he wants what's best for you. And he swallowed down that shitty pride of his to come ask for my help even though he hates my guts, because he knew what was best for you was me." 

"What are you saying ?" Lucifer asked him helplessly, uncomfortable 

"I'm not saying anything Lulu, he's still a psycho and an asshole. But I figured you should know he cared, even though he's so fucking bad at it, it's like watching the Terminator trying to take care of a baby bird" Angel deadpanned and Lucifer snorted. 

"I'm not drunk enough to be fine with being compared to a baby bird." He declared as he presented his glass to Angel which the demon obligingly refilled. 

"I've created a monster." 

***

“Angel ? “ Lucifer asked, still looking at the ceiling.

“Humm ?” The sinner offered and Lucifer could tell he was on the verge of sleep.

“Do you know anyone called Gollum ?” Lucifer  inquired and felt Angel shift beside him.

“Sure, why d’you ask ?” Angel mumbled.

“Because Lux keeps comparing Alastor to them and neither of us knows who they are.” Lucifer explained, and Angel stayed silent for so long that Lucifer turned once more to look at him. 

The spider demon regarded him with a deadly serious expression, before he burst out in laughter so suddenly Lucifer almost jumped out of his skin. 

“What ? What is it ?” Lucifer urged him, but Angel was apparently past any form of coherent speech and was giggling so hard it almost looked like he was sobbing. 

After a moment his friend seemed to get his wits about him enough to do a quick search on his phone before handing it to Lucifer, still muffling his giggles in the palm of his hand.

Lucifer peered at the page and carefully took in the backstory of the creature named Gollum, as well as the pictures and suddenly something clicked in his mind.

Oh. 

Hysterical laughter suddenly swelled from his chest and erupted from his lips before he could stop it, and before he knew it he was sprawled on the bed next to Angel as though they’d both been infected by the same contagious disease. He laughed until there were tears in his eyes and he felt like weeks of tension just dissolved from his shoulders. 

When the laughing turned into weak hiccups, then died down altogether his blood suddenly ran cold and he turned to Angel with an horrified expression.

“We must never show this to Alastor.” He told him, and all traces of glee disappeared from his friend’s beautiful features as his eyes widened in horror. 

“Deal.” Angel choked.

They looked at each other solemnly for several seconds, before they dissolved into laughter once more. 

***

“Hey dad ! What’s up ? Is everything alr-” Charlie began but Lucifer didn’t have any time to waste, even for his beloved daughter.

“Did you see Mina ?” He asked her, cutting to the chase. 

“You mean the new chameleon resident ? Not today no, but I heard she had an activity with you today.” She said, before suddenly frowning. “Was she rude to you ? I know she’s a bit odd. Oh and the tongue thingie is not-”

“Charlie, you need to find Mina and prevent her from leaving.” He declared before she could finish.

“Sure, Dad. But why ?” She inquired, now fully angled towards him to give him her full attention.

Lucifer debated lying to her about it, but he couldn’t see the point. He didn’t know who he’d be protecting by concealing the truth.

“It has to do with your mother. She did something heinous and Mina helped her do it.” He explained, keeping his tone as gentle and equal as possible but Charlie flinched as though he’d just slapped her. And yet she didn’t seem surprised.

“Fine, I'll locate her as soon as possible. What did she do ?” She inquired with a somber expression, and Lucifer knew she wasn’t talking about Mina. 

“Sweetie, I need to ask you a question.” He said in lieu of responding, before taking his daughter’s hand. 

“Go ahead.” She replied,  still guarded.

“Your mother.Was she abusive to you ? I’m not asking if she was a complicated person or if your relationship was difficult, I’m asking if she was abusive towards you. ” He declared, searching for his daughter’s gaze as she finally accepted to stop reorganizing her perfectly ordered desk.

There was something guarded and surprisingly defiant in her eyes, and Lucifer wondered if it had always been there. He wondered if he’d missed it all those years, if it was that sliver of darkness, that open wound, that made her open her door to someone like Alastor without so much as a job interview.

“Was she abusive to you ?” She countered. And she’d spoken softly, but Lucifer recognized it for what it was. A challenge. A refusal to make herself vulnerable unless he did the same first.

“Yes. That’s what Mina helped her do.” He replied and he saw Charlie deflate like a balloon at the honesty in his voice. The bitterness he’d seen in her eyes drowned in unshed tears. 

“Me too.” She said, and her voice broke on the last word. 

He gently tucked one strand of blond hair behind her ear and caressed her cheek with his index finger, as softly as he would the fragile petals of a cherry blossom.

“I’m going to the family counseling tomorrow. I hope you’ll come. I think we’re ready.” He offered.

“Yes,” Charlie sighed, as though she’d been holding her breath for the entire conversation,  week, month. The past ten years. 

He opened his arms and his daughter immediately nestled herself between them. The hug was short, but not rushed and when they separated he noticed Charlie's cheeks were a bit moist. She cleared her throat before she began to compulsively rearrange her desk.

"Was there anything else you wanted to talk about ?" She inquired, her voice still quivering.

"Yes. I was curious about one thing. Your contract with Alastor, what became of it ? Has he tried to negotiate or wiggle his way out ?" He inquired, and Charlie's eyes widened.

"No Dad, he signed it. The very next day. I thought you knew..." She offered. 

Huh. 

"It's fine Char-Char, I was just curious that's all. Have a nice rest of your day !" He declared.

"You too Dad !" 

Just when I think I have things figured out....

***

It was ironic that he’d spent the last month trying to avoid Alastor at all costs and the Radio Demon had seemed to be everywhere. But the second he wasn’t actively trying to run away from him the sinner was nowhere to be seen. 

He finally resigned himself to go look for him in, as Vaggie called it “The Creepy Swamp” and let himself acknowledge that it was the first time he was actually seeking out Alastor without it being an emergency and more or less against his will. 

Knocking on his door felt alien, and a part of his brain was telling him it wasn’t too late to turn back but he barely had the time to knock three times before Alastor answered, sans coat but otherwise put together.

“Lucifer my Dear, what a pleasant surprise !” He greeted politely, but his expression was guarded and undecipherable. 

“I was wondering if we could talk.” Lucifer admitted, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. 

“Of course !” Alastor replied as he held the door open for Lucifer and invited him inside. “Do forgive the mess, I wasn’t expecting company.” 

Lucifer was quite used to The Mess. He wasn’t known for being a particularly orderly person, in fact one might even consider him an expert in messes, his staff used to be able to follow his trail only by the messes he left behind him when he was still living in the palace. But even after carefully looking around he was unable to locate The Mess the sinner was talking about. The room was perfectly organized without a speck of dust or a stray paper in sight. Even the swamp part of it looked eerily tidy, with nary a firefly out of place.

“May I offer you some coffee ?” Alastor inquired as he guided him to a small, round table and conjured a second chair. 

No I don’t want liquid stress in a cup, thank you.

“Do you have tea ?” He inquired, a bit baffled. It felt almost domestic. 

“Of course, is chamomile alright ?” the sinner offered.

“Sure.”

Alastor reappeared five minutes later with their beverages, pushing one in front of Lucifer before seating opposite him with a mug that said Oh Deer. 

Very funny.

“Alright then, how may I be of assist-”

“Thank you.” Lucifer blurted, louder than he’d intended. Alastor cocked his head to the side and raised one eyebrow before eyeing the beverage. 

“It was nothing, I am not fond of bagged stuff myself but-”

“I’m not thanking you for the tea.” Lucifer stopped him in his tracks before he had to suffer through a diatribe about why loose leaves were better than tea bags.

Alastor’s static crackled uncomfortably and Lucifer wondered if he’d known what he was talking about from the beginning.

“What are you thanking me for then, Dear ?” The sinner inquired, his expression suddenly guarded. 

Oh, so when I’m insulting and running away from you you’re fine but the minute I say something nice you’re all wary ? 

“For what you did. Sending Angel to help me when I was…incapacitated. I know it can’t have been easy for you.” Lucifer admitted, holding the warm cup of tea between his hands to ground himself but not drinking from it yet. 

“Oh, don’t you worry your pretty head about it, it was no trouble at all !” The sinner exclaimed. 

“Stop that. Don’t behave like a hypocrite when I am actually trying to have an open conversation with you !” Lucifer complained, and Alastor’s internal radio briefly switched to what sounded like a hockey station.

“What do you want from me, Lucifer ?” Alastor asked him in a tired, defeated tone. 

“The truth.” Lucifer declared.

“That is a lie, my Dear. You have been running away from the truth since the very moment you discovered the true nature of my predicament.” The sinner challenged, and his smile turned wider and bitter when as expected, Lucifer couldn’t be reminded of The Milking Incident™ without blushing and shifting uncomfortably in his seat like a child. 

“I don’t want to run away anymore. I’m tired of running away.” Lucifer offered in a small voice. 

Alastor studied him for a moment, before letting go of his mug and crossing his hands on his lap. 

“Very well. The truth of the matter is all I have wanted those past months was to be the one you turn to in your time of need. I want to offer you security and comfort, but everything I do seems to either anger or distress you.” Alastor declared, his eyebrows knitted together and his smile clipped. “Still, I want to provide what you need, and if what you need is Angel Dust’s proximity and me as far away as the Turning will allow then so be it."

Lucifer took a little sip from his cup, focusing on the golden liquid for a moment as he tried to relax his posture. 

“It’s not easy for me.” He muttered as he set the cup back on his lap.

“I know.” Alastor told him, so softly it made his heart clench.

“I didn’t get infected by a virus that forced me to like you.” Lucifer continued. “ I have to get there the natural way and you’re not-” He bit his lip and looked up to search the sinner's gaze, but to his relief he didn’t seem offended.

“I am not the easiest person to love.” Alastor finished in his place.

“No. Not really.” Lucifer admitted. 

He also admitted to himself that there was no part of him left that wanted to hurt Alastor or punish him. It was the simple truth, as blunt at it was.

“Does that mean you will never accept my presence in your life then ?” Alastor inquired, but there was no anger or bitterness in his voice. Only resignation.

“What would you do about it if I said yes ?” Lucifer inquired, swirling the chamomile around in his cup.

“Nothing.” The sinner replied, and something finally settled in Lucifer’s chest. Going back to his previous, uncomplicated but lonelier existence was impossible, and he could only move forward. All he wanted now was to find some form of normality again, and if he had to find it with this unlikely companion by his side then so be it.

“I don’t want that for us, but as I said before I can’t meet you where you are either.” Lucifer told him and the sinner’s ears dropped. 

“Yes, my Dear. You made that perfectly clear.” Alastor sighed, but there was no sarcasm in his tone.

“However, since we’re stuck together for the time being and if we are willing to be open and honest with each other I don’t see why we couldn’t coexist or even, some day become…friends.” He offered.

“Friends.” The Radio Demon repeated, as though swirling the word in his mouth like a fine wine. “I cannot say I have had a lot of those in my existence.”

“Me neither.”Lucifer admitted with a chuckle.

Maybe both of us are Steve after all.

“I think I might be amenable to that.” Alastor declared, after taking a sip of that nasty coffee of his that looked like tar extract.

“I have one condition though.” Lucifer hastily added. 

“Of course, anything you need Dear. Do tell.” Alastor invited him, though he was looking wary. 

“The little shadow creature.” He began.

“What of it ?” The sinner inquired but Lucifer could tell from the way his static wavered that he was uncomfortable with the question.

“I want to know if it’s alright, and I want you to bring it back.” He declared firmly.

Alastor cleared his throat delicately before abandoning his mug on the table. 

“Those creatures. They are not what you think.” He offered, but if he thought Lucifer was going to be satisfied with that he was sorely mistaken.

“What are they then ?” He probed.

“Parts of myself I suppose, we are usually one single entity but I can give them shape and form when I need to outsource some of the duties I do not trust other people with.” Alastor complained with a disdainful huff. 

Lucifer snorted internally, because it was so fitting that the Radio Demon thought other people were so stupid he would rather split himself into different entities than ask for their help.

“Are they sentient ?” Lucifer insisted. 

“In a manner of speaking, each of them usually embodies a particular quality of mine.” Alastor explained, and once again Lucifer was impressed by how powerful the sinner must be.

“Let me guess, the minion from this week was your grumpy side ?” Lucifer haphazarded and Alastor chuckled. 

“I think he fancies himself my reasonable side, although it can be difficult to tell because their self-perception is always inherently flawed.” The Radio Demon explained.

“So if the sassy minion is supposed to be your reason, what is the one who served me my soup before that ?” Lucifer pried and was momentarily deafened by a very brief but incredibly loud screech of feedback. Alastor looked at his mug, then him, then his mug again, before rubbing one of his hands over his forehead. 

“I suppose this one must be my heart.”The sinner confessed.

Lucifer’s own heart skipped a beat as he was trying to wrap his mind around what it meant for his own interactions with the little minion.

“So you didn’t…hurt him ?” He inquired, in lieu of asking what he was both curious and terrified to know.

“They are mere manifestations of my power and psyche, Dear. I cannot physically hurt any of them, unless we are talking in the metaphorical sense which would pertain to my proclivity for hurting myself.” The Radio Demon said wryly.

“But then what happened to it ? Why did it look all mangled like that ?” Lucifer insisted and the feedback grew louder still.

“I reckon you happened to it.”The sinner admitted, pointedly looking everywhere except him.

Lucifer shivered at the symbolism behind that sentence, and saw each of his interactions with the minion in a whole new light. 

Oh boy. 

“ Is that the reason you hid it away ?” He probed tentatively and the sinner nodded.

“It was easier that way.” He declared, taking another sip of his coffee and Lucifer imitated him. The liquid was now warm instead of hot, perfect for drinking.                       

“Can it come back to lunch from now on ?” Lucifer softly said, realizing at once the display of vulnerability he was asking of Alastor as he anxiously awaited his answer.

“Yes.” The sinner relented, and Lucifer attempted a tiny but honest smile in his direction.

"Thank you. And thank you, for the tea." He said, gesturing to the cup and getting up. "I better go."

“Lucifer ?” The sinner called after him softly, hastily getting up himself and rounding the table.

“Yes ?” 

“ May I hold you ?” Alastor requested gently.

Lucifer froze. He had been half expecting the question, but he'd hoped the sinner would have somehow forgotten this time.

“No.” He replied, but his tone was gentle and the Radio Demon simply nodded, obviously disappointed but not offended or bitter as he’d been before. “But maybe…soon.” He added, and tried to reign in his embarrassment when he saw how the demon’s eyes brightened ever so slightly.

He felt oddly light as he opened a portal to his bedroom. He turned around just before he was swallowed by the void and for the first time he and Alastor looked at one another with something akin to mutual understanding.

We can do this. 

Chapter Text

This time when Alastor appeared in front of his door Lucifer had already been waiting for him there. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, a show of good faith, proof that Lucifer was ready to invest himself more in their budding… acquaintanceship. And hopefully it would help dissipate some of the awkwardness that had been plaguing them ever since they started talking to one another.

It didn’t work. 

Because Lucifer had lasted all but two minutes waiting for Alastor before he’d gotten bored and distracted. He’d started inspecting the walls, the furniture, the ceiling. He’d played with the buttons of his blue waistcoat and tugged at the fabric of his gloves. And he’d been wholly unprepared for the Radio Demon to actually step out of the shadows right in front of him, startling them both with his undignified shriek. 

Good. No better way to start over after weeks of acting disgusted by him than to scream in horror as soon as he makes an appearance.

“Sorry-”

“I apologize for-”

They’d both spoken at the same time and paused for a moment, looking hesitantly at one another before making another attempt.

“Go ahe-”

“No, please go first-”

Once again, they closed their mouths. Waiting in silence if the other would talk first like they were playing chicken until Lucifer decided enough was enough and raised both hands to make sure it wouldn’t happen another time.

“Hi.” He declared, more aggravated than he should be by a simple greeting.

“Good morning.” Alastor replied hesitantly with his brows furrowed and his static screeching, as though unsure if it was a good morning anymore. 

It shouldn’t be so complicated to say hello to another person. 

Before another uncomfortable silence could befall them both Lucifer cleared his throat and gestured to the corridor with a pointed look.

“Let’s go.” He told the Radio Demon, who seemed all too happy to comply just so they could move on.

To Lucifer’s continuing consternation they were as uncoordinated as ever when they went down the corridor together, seemingly incapable of walking in a straight line without bumping elbows with one another and invading each other’s space.

 Lucifer refrained from sighing in despair, he had half hoped that being honest with each other and starting over might make things less awkward between them but one part of him had expected this. 

Maybe we simply have no chemistry. 

Lucifer had always considered himself an awkward person, but even he had a threshold. He could get along with people relatively well under the right circumstances. The perfect exemple being one Angel Dust, with whom everything had been so easy this past week. So natural. It had been like they’d known exactly how to talk to one another from the very beginning, how to touch one another, how to extend comfort. 

Trying to interact with Alastor in comparison was like comparing hugging a puppy with hugging a cactus. 

Well, at least now it can’t get worse. 

“Hey shorty !” A voice exclaimed from the bottom of the stairs. 

And I was wrong. 

Lux looked ridiculously delighted as he waited for them to come down the stairs, his wagon flanked by Nico and a handful of other guests. Lucifer briefly wondered if there was a way to avoid any interaction between him and Alastor, but short of conspicuously dragging the Radio Demon away there was nothing he could do. They’d have to get past Lux like he was a customs official at the airport before they could access the lobby.

“Hello Lux, how are you today ?” Lucifer offered, stepping in front of Alastor when they reached the last step in an attempt to draw Lux’s attention to himself.

“Good, good. I’m taking a stroll but it’s Nico doing all the exercise. Lucky me, Imma right ?” Lux exclaimed as he stretched his arms.

Lucifer wrinkled his nose, still unused to the sinner’s sinister brand of humour, but over the past few days he’d learned that it was better not to take anything he said too seriously.

“That’s nice ! Enjoy your stroll, yes ?” He declared.

“You too shorty.” The sinner told him good naturally. Lucifer could almost believe they were going to get away without a fight. 

That was until Lux’s hand reached out to give Lucifer a friendly pat on the shoulder and a deafening, high pitched whine of feedback resounded in the lobby. And Lux suddenly looked at Alastor, who was standing behind Lucifer like his shadow, with a seemingly surprised expression. But by now Lucifer could recognize the playful glint in his eyes.

Oh no. 

"What are you still doing here ? Shouldn't you be following Frodo and Sam to Mount Doom ?" He inquired and the fit of hysterical laughter it elicited from the rest of the group quickly morphed into terrified squeaks when Alastor’s sclera turned pitch black, his smile suddenly reaching his ears as his feedback screeched menacingly like a pair of scissors on a black board. Once again only Lux was unfazed and Lucifer briefly wondering if the sinner was suicidal.  

“Right ! Well, it’s been nice running into you but we have to go !” Lucifer declared, this time actually dragging Alastor away by the sleeve. He was careful to only touch the fabric and not his skin but the Radio Demon seemed so surprised he actually seemed to have completely forgotten the indignity of being compared to a fictional, bald creature obsessed with golden pieces of jewelry.

“Good luck with the orcs !” Lux yelled after them. 

Oh my god, shut up ! 

“What, exactly-” Alastor began but Lucifer didn’t let him finish. 

“Nothing ! Don’t worry about it.” He declared, tugging on his sleeve a little harder and somehow the sinner didn’t utter another protest, seemingly content to let himself be guided to the dining room.  

***

His minion almost spilled his soup in his haste to get to Lucifer and all but lunged itself at him as soon as the bowl was out of its little hands, plastering itself to his shoulder and refusing to let go. 

“ At least show some restraint !” Alastor complained dryly in the direction of his minion, but he didn’t make an attempt to dislodge it. 

“Hi buddy.” Lucifer greeted the creature, which was now caressing his face and hair and nuzzling his cheek with its own, the coldness making him shiver.

“Hey, what’s this about ?” He heard Angel whisper from the other side of the table. 

“I don’t know” Charlie whispered back. 

Lucifer felt his face heat up, suddenly mortified when he remembered the conversation from yesterday. They couldn’t possibly know what the minions were, let alone what this one in particular represented, but Lucifer knew and still felt embarrassed about it.

He almost wished he never asked Alastor about their true nature so that he could have enjoyed being showered with affection without wondering what it meant. Now every single interaction he will have with the little spectre will feel like a metaphor for something else. He will barely make it through lunch without having an existential crisis from now on. 

It’s his heart. I’m touching his heart. 

It felt utterly bizarre to think that the creature that was fawning over him without the slightest bit of shame reflected its master’s emotion much more accurately than Alastor himself, who was dispassionately eating his own lunch next to him. He was torn away from his musings when he felt a firm tap on his shoulder and turned around, a bit awkwardly with the minion hanging around his neck like a scarf. 

To his surprise it was the other sour faced minion from last week. It was holding what looked like the pudding Alastor had prepared for him that time , before all went Hell. For once it didn’t sternly place it in front of him but merely presented it to him, though it still looked vexed at having to do so.

Lucifer briefly turned towards Alastor who raised a questioning eyebrow in his direction and it suddenly dawned on him why the minion hadn’t simply pushed the dish in front of him like it had done all the other times it served him. It was leaving him a chance to refuse it.

Lucifer turned back towards the minion and gently took the bowl from its hand.

“Thank you.” He told it, but the creature only looked at him with irritation, like it was offended by his existence.

“What a shame that our time together must come to an end ! I’ll really miss your charming personality and conversational skills !” Lucifer told it and the minion's mouth turned even more downward, if it was possible. 

It briefly turned its grumpy, accusing gaze to Alastor who was feigning disinterest next to him but Lucifer could swear there was a mischievous glint in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. Lucifer’s own minion blew a raspberry in the other creature’s direction and the minion turned away, indignantly stomping its feet and Lucifer turned his attention to his soup.

“How’re things going Whiskers, was it busy today ?” He heard Angel inquire.

“Why the fuck are you asking ? You were there the whole time.” Husk deadpanned. 

“Fuck. You’re right.” Angel replied dejectedly.

Lucifer surreptitiously glanced at the other side of the table. He’d noticed when he entered the dining room that Niffty, whose makeshift highchair was usually placed next to Angel, was now situated between Charlie and Vaggie who were trying to convince her that eating carrots will make her a more efficient bug hunter. It occurred to him that it must have been by design so that Angel could be free to do something else.

He’s ready to make his move.

Unencumbered by the little maid, Angel and Husk were eating side by side in companionable silence. Or rather, the bartender was eating and Angel was picking at his food, looking like his usual confidence had deserted him.It would have been easy for an outsider to think that out of the two of them Husk was the one who was the most unaffected by their proximity. But his cold exterior was belied by the almost thunderous purring that rose from his chest everytime he led eyes on the spider demon and that he didn’t even bother trying to hide anymore. This is probably what prompted Angel to insist.

“Sooo…I’ve been thinking.” He almost whispered in the direction of the bartender.

“That must have hurt.” Husk whispered back, causing Angel to chuckle softly, not offended in the slightest. 

Lucifer wasn’t proud of it, but he had actually stopped eating to try and catch the conversion without the additional sound of his chewing. And he momentarily glared at Alastor, whose static was creating a constant background noise that was disrupting his attempt to eavesdrop, even with his incredibly keen hearing. 

Do you have a mute button somewhere ? 

The Radio Demon raised a questioning eyebrow in his direction with a loud, confused whine of feedback. 

“ Shhh.” Lucifer told him while gesturing to the pair with his chin and both Alastor and his minion turned to see what he was refering to, the feedback thankfully subdued for now.

“Listen.” Angel said.”I was wondering if…I mean, I’d like for us to…watch that movie after all. If you’d like that.” 

Husk’s eyes widened, and Lucifer realized he had never seen the bartender make that expression before, so far he’d thought the sinner had only two: Depressed and Annoyed. 

“Yeah ?” The bartender murmured, the purring intensifying so much Lucifer was surprised the table wasn’t vibrating from it.

“Yeah.” Angel replied, slowly sliding his hand towards his and Lucifer was practically at the edge of his seat from anticipation. 

“Oh for heaven’s sake, will you two please kindly get on with it so the rest of us can resume our lunch ?”Alastor suddenly exclaimed, startling everyone on the table, including his own minion. 

The purring abruptly stopped and Husk and Angel suddenly jumped away from one another. Shying away from the unexpected attention he was now receiving, the bartender got up to leave, leaving his friend behind.

“Wait !” The spider demon called after him, with a hint of panic in his voice and Husk’s expression softened fractionally as he looked at him. 

“ Later.” He told him, purring once more, albeit more discreetly than beforen

Then he was gone and all the attention suddenly turned to the culprit, who looked willfully ignorant of the fiasco he'd just caused.

Before he started spending time with Alastor on a regular basis he might have attributed his callousness to the fact that he was an evil bastard who liked to make people miserable. But he was wondering more and more if he was truly doing it on purpose, or if it was simply that he had the emotional capacity of a brick.

"What is wrong with you !" Lucifer hissed, casting Alastor an incredulous glance. 

"What ? What on earth have I done now ?" Alastor whispered back, equally aggravated.

"They were having a moment and you ruined it ! Now they need to wait for the next one !" He complained.

"Nonsense ! When two people want to communicate they should act like grownups and simply do it. Instead of letting abstract external variables dictate their behaviour." He declared, as though the idea that people’s feelings needed nurturing and time was completely absurd to him.

Yeah, because that works so well with you and me ! 

Angel for his part spent the rest of his lunch giving a whole new dimension to the expression if looks could kill as he stared daggers at Alastor. Lucifer had the feeling that the Radio Demon had just started a war. 

***

To his relief there weren’t a lot of people seated with Charlie in the lobby. 

His daughter and Vaggie would direct the session, along with Angel who’d accepted to come more as moral support for Lucifer than for himself. He was pleasantly surprised to see that Fen and Selina were here as well, with Alastor always on his heels, he hadn't had the opportunity to interact with them at all the past week. He’d suspected it was more Selina’s doing than Fen’s, if the suspicious looks she was casting the Radio Demon was anything to go by. But they both greeted Lucifer with warmth when they saw him approach.

There was only one person Lucifer didn’t know, it was a sinner who introduced himself as Frank. He immediately made Lucifer uncomfortable, but then again maybe his altercation with Mina had made him wary of strangers. 

He was once again subjected to the puzzled looks of Fen and Selina when he and Alastor sat next to each other. Lucifer tried his best not to feel self-conscious about the fact that there were only the two of them on the entire couch, close enough to signal that they were now a two piece entity. Bound together by something none of the sinners could understand. 

That was, until Angel suddenly appeared in front of them and shamelessly slotted himself between them, wriggling his hips to force Alastor to retreat to the other end of the couch lest the spider demon sat in his lap.

“”scuse me !” He said, before spreading his legs as far as they would go and wrapping an arm around Lucifer’s shoulders. “Ahhh, there we go, isn’t it nice ?” the spider demon asked, looking the Radio Demon right in the eyes.

It was clearly retribution for Alastor’s untimely interruption from earlier, but Lucifer noted that while the Radio Demon was visibly fuming he made no attempt to retaliate. 

“That’s quite enough, wouldn’t you agree ?” Alastor asked his friend through gritted teeth. “Surely there is no need to drag Lucifer in your tomfoolery.”  

“Dunno what you mean, I’m just spending quality time with my Lulu.” Angel replied, before  bending over to give him a purposely loud, sloppy kiss on the cheek that had Lucifer wrinkling his nose, and he heard the sudden ripping of fabric as the Radio Demon’s claws dented the couch.

Thankfully Charlie clapped in her hand to gather everyone’s attention and Angel finally accepted to release him, to the apparent relief of Alastor. 

And the couch.

“First of all I want to thank you guys for being here, it takes a lot of trust to share so many personal things with one another and I am proud of all of you for accepting to get out of your comfort zone.” She said, primarily to the attention of the guests, but Lucifer didn’t miss the little hopeful look she cast him.

“Here are the rules for the ones who’ve never attended.” Vaggie took over, her voice clear and authoritative. “This is a safe space and you can share whatever you want as long as it pertains to family counseling. Everyone will have their turn and you must wait until someone is finished before you start talking about yourself. You can ask questions, but it’s not about judging one another. Anyone who is rude will be kicked out.” Lucifer couldn’t help but notice the way she glanced at Alastor, who merely crossed his legs and offered her a particularly nasty, toothy grin.

“Anyone want to begin ?” Charlie inquired, and the sinner named Frank immediately stood up.

“Yep, I’ll go.” He declared, standing up and shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Thank you Frank. Is there anyone you want to talk about ? A family member with whom you are experiencing difficulties down there in Hell ? Or perhaps someone from whom you’ve been separated upon arrival ?” She inquired as she turned towards him, her body language trusting and open.

“Yeah I guess there’s…my wife. She’s in Heaven.” He said.

“You must miss her a lot..." Charlie told him, her eyes full of understanding and compassion. “We have a lot of people here who were separated from their loved ones, it’s a lot more common than people think.”

"Miss her ? I curse that woman ! " Frank suddenly exclaimed with a grimace.

"I'm sorry ? " 

"With her holier than thou attitude, always sucking the fun out of my life, now that she's gone I can do whatever the fuck I want !" He proclaimed. 

And they watched, flabbergasted, as Frank got up and yelled in the direction of the ceiling.

"You hear that Vivianne !? Fuck you !" 

“Frank, I appreciate that you are expressing yourself but that isn’t really the point of the…”She tried with a forced smile.

"Charlie, I don't think he's even one of our residents." Vaggie said, looking sideways at Frank before her head whipped around to cast Alastor a dirty look.

“I thought you said you protected that place.” She accused and the Radio Demon sighed before rolling his eyes at her.

"As per Charlie's request, my Dear, I warded the hotel so that only those invited by a member of the staff can enter. Obviously my spell didn't account for the members of the staff being imbeciles." He said in Angel's direction, and it was the spider demon’s turn to be under scrutiny.

"Angel…” Vaggie groaned as she pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“What ! He was right outside so I assumed he was ours !” Angel defended himself 

"Alastor, can you ...?" Charlie began hesitantly, before gesturing to Frank who was now munching on the potpourris that was decorating the coffee table.

"I am on it, Dear." The Radio Demon declared and to the horror of everyone present a gaping maw full of hissing, writhing shadow tendrils opened underneath Frank's feet and swallowed him whole before he could even utter a scream. 

There was an eerie silence until they saw the inky void reappear outside the window to spit Frank out as though he was a bad oyster. The sinner stumbled around for a bit, dishevelled and disoriented but in one piece.

"Fuck. For a moment I thought you..." Angel began, looking nauseous. 

"Oh please, my palate is more refined than that !" Alastor exclaimed.

 There were several grunts of disgust, and Lucifer didn't miss how Selina requested to change places with Fen so that the penguin demon was as far away from the Radio Demon as their seats would allow. 

“Does anyone else want to go ?” Charlie almost pleaded, and after a moment Fen tentatively raised her hands.

“Thank you Fen, that’s very brave of you.” Charlie praised her. 

"So...I already talked about it a bit but..my family they-they’re all in Heaven."The sinner softly explained and Selina gently took her hand to intertwine their fingers. 

 Lucifer suddenly recalled the sinner's reason for being here. She killed herself, out of despair after losing all her loved ones in a car accident.

"I'm so sorry Fen..." Lucifer told her, but it sounded hollow for some reason, like it wasn't enough. What did you say to someone who would probably never see the people they loved ever again ? But Fen only smiled, and her hand squeezed Selina’s so hard Lucifer was convinced she would have a bruise later.

"It was harder at first. I was all alone and I was so scared..."She said and Lucifer’s heart clenched in sympathy, recalling what he’d felt just after the Fall. At least he’d had Lilith at the time, he now knew his relationship with his wife was built on lies but at the time he’d been grateful not to be alone. Lilith’s fierce will to live had kept him from fading away, at least at the beginning. 

"But how could you be certain none of them landed here with you ?" Lucifer inquired, and the sinner grimaced. 

 "I couldn't. My folks were good people, but sometimes that doesn’t mean anything. Not everyone who ends up here deserves it, some get themselves sent to Hell because of petty mistakes or because of the things they did when they didn't have a choice." She briefly glanced at Selina. "But I searched and searched and I didn't find any of them. I prefer to think they are safe in Heaven because if not then..."

She let her sentence die but everyone understood all the same.

Because if not then it meant they'd been exterminated. 

"I am sure that's where they are." He told her. 

Once again he cursed Hell for being such a lawless, chaotic wasteland. Because if the realm had possessed some semblance of order, if they'd kept records of every arrival and every death then he could have offered, if not relief, then at least some manner of certainty and closure to the penguin demon. He briefly glanced at Angel who was looking at Fen with a pained look on his face, and knew he was thinking about his sister Tina. He put his hand on his friend’s knee, trying to convey with his eyes how sorry he was and one of Angel’s palms squeezed his own.

"For the longest time I felt so stupid." Fen said softly, tucking a slick black hair behind her ear." I told myself that if only I'd been patient, if I had waited for my natural end, then I would have been reunited with them. But then…”

She turned to Selina with such an intensity in her eyes that Lucifer felt humbled for a moment, and quite possibly a bit jealous. What would it feel like to be on the receiving end of such a passionate, loving gaze ? 

"But then I would never have met you." She concluded, now addressing her girlfriend. "You are the love of my existence, and I cannot be sorry that I am here right now, with you." 

Selina's eyes were bright with tears and she brought Fen's hand to her lips to kiss it.

"Me neither." She murmured against her knuckles, her own eyes bright with tears. 

“So that’s the reason you’re tryna get redeemed ?” Angel asked.

“Yes. I know it’s a very, very unlikely outcome. But if there is any chance for me to see them again, even if it’s just one time, then I will take it.” She said, and Angel nodded.

“If there is a chance for me to see Tina again I’ll take it too.”He admitted.

"Thank you for being so honest and open with us Fen." Charlie told her with a gentle smile that the sinner returned." Angel, did you want to talk about your sister ?” She inquired.

Angel’s eyes looked uncharacteristically tired and old, and Lucifer couldn’t tell if his weariness was only due to his grief, or if there was something else he didn’t want to talk about. 

“Maybe another time sweetheart, I’m fine with just listening today.” He said. 

“I understand. Anyone else wants to go ?” Charlie inquired, and when no one else volunteered Lucifer’s anxiety skyrocketed, thinking it was now his turn. 

To the surprise of everyone present Fen cleared her throat and turned to Alastor.

“What about you Mister Radio Demon ?” Fen suddenly asked, ignoring the incredulous look Selina was giving her.

Both Alastor’s eyes and his smile widened as his attention turned to the penguin sinner. He looked surprised and almost amused, as though a small animal he’d thought devoid of sentience until now was suddenly talking to him.

“What about me, my Dear ?” He drawled, but he also didn’t make himself scarier than necessary, which Lucifer attributed to the fact that the Radio Demon tended to be, if not kind, then at least more forgiving towards those he thought more vulnerable.

"Did you have children when you were alive ?" Fen inquired, her voice small but steady and Lucifer was ridiculously impressed with her for engaging with the Radio Demon even though she was obviously terrified of him.

He never heard Alastor mention having any family in Hell, so any heir he might have produced must have been either exterminated or sent to Heaven. It was difficult to believe any offsprings of his could have ended up good but miracles happened everyday. Or so he’d heard . 

Alastor looked at her with a rictus of distaste, as though the demon had just asked him if he had Syphilis.

"Heaven's no ! I never had a single nurturing bone in my body, what use would I have had of a child ?" He said and Lucifer raised an eyebrow at him, along with everyone present who knew the particulars of Alastor’s Turning.

What on earth have you been trying to do with me then ?

"I dunno, didn't your wife want children ?" Angel asked. And Lucifer thought back to Alastor's Awful Hypothetical Wife™. It was difficult to imagine the sinner being with anyone in a romantic capacity, let alone married. But if the Radio Demon ever had a wife Lucifer figured she must have been as terrifying as him. It tried picturing her for a moment and his brain supplied the image of a tall, pale, ghostly woman, like that overlord from cannibal town who seemed to be the Radio Demon’s partner in crime. 

“I never married.”

“Gee, I wonder why. You’re such a fucking delight to be around !” Angel muttered.

“But there must have been someone you loved ?” Fen insisted. 

Alastor's smile was almost a straight line now, something Lucifer was starting to associate with unease. 

“I had a mother.” He said, lowering his gaze for a moment. When he looked up again it wasn’t at penguin demon, it was at Lucifer. 

He realized that this was for him. This was because Lucifer had told him he would feel more comfortable if they knew one another better, he was willing to surrender something fiercely private just to have a chance at gaining more intimacy with him. Lucifer felt both humbled and guilty about it. The idea of the Radio Demon revealing his past felt wrong and voyeuristic for some reason, like peering behind the curtains of a magic show, or debunking an age old legend.

“How was she ?” He asked in a small voice, and Alastor was still looking at him as though he was the only person in the room. Maybe it made things easier for him.

“A truly remarkable woman, with a sharp mind and nerves of steel.” Alastor said, and that Lucifer could picture, but then the sinner continued, his voice soft and static softer still. “She was also kind and warm. It is really a wonder that someone like her could have given birth to a monster such as myself, but I suppose I take after my father in that regard.” Alastor said bitterly. 

“Do you know where she is now ?” Charlie inquired.

“Oh I have no doubts that she is in Heaven Dear, but I have no desire to see her.” He said calmly, as though they were discussing the weather. 

“But…why ?” Charlie insisted. “Is it because you don’t think redemption is possible ? You know Pentious-”

“I have no hopes of ever being redeemed Charlie, nor would I wish to, if such a thing was possible. But that isn’t the reason why I do not want to see her.”He continued 

“Why then ?” Selina asked, perhaps a bit more aggressively than was warranted.

“Why, because she was a kind, generous soul. I was fifteen, merely a boy when she died. Surely it would break her heart if she could see the man that I am now, surely she wouldn’t love me, knowing what I have become.” Alastor concluded. He looked sad, but not regretful. Every other residents in the hotel probably wished they’d done things differently when they were alive,that they’d endeavoured to be better people. But not him. Lucifer wondered if it was simply because it was the sinner’s nature, if asking him to apologize for it was the same thing as asking a cat to apologize for killing mice. 

He tried picturing Alastor at fifteen. 

Had he been cold and cunning ? The seed of the ruthless killer he would one day become already planted inside his soul ?

Or on the contrary had he been fragile and scared ? Unprepared to face the world alone after the person he loved the most had left him in the apparently dubious hands of his father ?

When one looked at Alastor in all his bloody glory today it was tempting to believe that he had manifested into this world as an adult, fully formed. Lucifer didn't know how he felt about the idea of Alastor having once been young and vulnerable. Having been someone's child, like Charlie was his child. 

He had been blessed with a daughter whose heart was kind and generous, but as he looked at Charlie he wondered what would have happened if it hadn't been so. If there was truly anything she could have done that would have made him stop loving her. 

The truth was when Charlie was born he'd fully expected her to become a true heir of Hell, built in its image like Lilith had intended. He'd never thought she would be the very last remnants of goodness there existed in the realm, given shape and form. 

Would he have stopped loving her if it hadn't been the case ? 

"No." Lucifer said, looking Alastor right in the eyes. 

"No ?" Alastor repeated, with his brows furrowed and his smile askew. 

"No. If she was as you described her then I don't think she would have ever stopped loving you, even after all you've done." He declared, his gaze never leaving the Radio Demon's glowing irises. "She would have suffered a lot, but she wouldn't have stopped."

Alastor’s expression was indecipherable but he didn’t protest. They stared at one another until Angel cleared his throat between them and Lucifer suddenly remembered they weren’t alone in the room. It was almost like they’d been on the verge of having…

 A moment.

“And what about your father ?” Charlie inquired.

“Oh he went too one week later. Down to Hell where he belonged.” Alastor told her with a savage smile.

“That’s suspiciously quick.” Vaggie intervened wryly.

“I should certainly hope so, Dear, I am the one who put him there !” Alastor exclaimed and the obvious delight in his tone made Lucifer shiver with unease.

And there goes the moment.

“Does-does that mean he’s still here ?” Fen asked and Selina looked at her with a mix of consternation and pity.

“No Dear, he isn’t. Anymore.” The radio Demon told her with a cheerful smile.

There was a slightly horrified silence during which everyone seemed to wish themselves anywhere else before Angel slapped his hand on his thighs and turned to Alastor.

“Well that was dark as fuck. Thanks, you creep ! Can we please discuss anything that’s not Smiles' fucked up family history ? Please ? ” He pleaded.

“Oh well, true brilliance is not for the faint of heart I suppose !” Alastor snorted good naturally, apparently more comfortable in the role of the vicious, homicidal psychopath than of the grieving son. 

Still, there was a collective sigh of relief as this part of the conversation came to an end, hopefully never to be revisited again.

Charlie and Lucifer looked at one another, and they both knew they’d stalled long enough. 

“I think it’s my turn.” He told her. “I think it’s time we talk about our relationship and your…mother. It’s time to move forward.” 

He abandoned the couch, leaving Alastor and Angel to stare at one another in disgust without the protective barrier of his body, and conjured a single chair that he placed near Charlie. 

“I’m ready too, Dad.” She told him firmly.

“Wait ! We should all make a deal !" Fen suddenly declared and Selina turned to her as though she'd lost her mind. 

"Babe, you don't even know how that works. Deals are dangerous, fucked up things." Selina reminded her gently but Fen didn’t look deterred.

"It doesn't seem right for Lucifer to share something so personal with us without any guarantee. Especially since the Queen is..." 

She didn't finish her sentence but her meaning was pretty clear.

Especially since the Queen is dangerous ?

Especially since the Queen is unpredictable ?

Especially since the Queen is a heartless, manipulative, spying bitch ?

Alright, maybe Fen hadn’t thought of that last one, but the point remained. Lucifer was aware that it wasn't simply a question of privacy anymore, learning that he was Hell's powerhouse had had enough of an impact on his public image. But if words got out that Lilith had abused him he didn't know what the ramifications would be, surely no one would want to be ruled by a man who let himself be subdued by his wife. 

There was also the nagging, unpleasant feeling that Lilith seemed to think in a particular way of the people who knew her secrets, preventing this conversation from getting out would provide an extra layer of protection for everyone involved. 

"Actually that's not a bad idea Charlie." Vaggie offered and his daughter turned a questioning gaze to him. 

"Dad, would it be possible to be all bound together safely without anyone taking advantage of it ?" She inquired, not even bothering to hide the wary look she gave Alastor. 

"Yes. If we all say the same thing and there's no loopholes in the wording." He told her before turning to the Radio Demon. “Can you bind us ?" 

He felt himself flush slightly at the incredulous look the Radio Demon cast him. "You're the most experienced deal maker here." He added, feeling the sudden urge to justify himself for handing any amount of power to Alastor so easily.

"If you are certain..." The sinner told him tentatively.

Lucifer could sense there was an unsaid second part to that sentence : if you are certain you trust me. 

Did he really trust Alastor ? Lucifer pondered on the question for a moment before realizing that surprisingly yes, he did. He may not trust the sinner’s moral compass in general, but he didn’t believe Alastor would deceive him or harm him on purpose anymore. 

“I’m certain.” He declared.

“Very well.” Alastor replied. “I will weave the spell, but you are obviously invited to add your own terms until the agreement is to your satisfaction.”

Lucifer nodded, and everyone stood straighter as Alastor got up. Some of the nerves were due to the wariness of course, but some of it was also the anticipation of watching the performance of someone who was notorious for being a master at his craft. 

“For the purpose of this agreement, all confidential information shall include, but not be limited to any information regarding the following conversation whether it is written, spoken, recorded or drawn.”Alastor began, and as he was talking the fingers of both his hands executed small, circling motions until suddenly a flicker of green magic appeared at his fingertips, like a tiny flame. It was as beautiful as Lucifer remembered it, growing bigger and bigger as the sinner continued his fluid movements. 

“Oh fuck, it’s going to take ages isn’t it…” Angel bemoaned as he slumped himself on the arm of the couch. Lucifer briefly chuckled, but he did appreciate that Alastor was making an effort to be thorough, no doubt another show of good faith for his benefit. 

“Do not interrupt me.” Alastor hissed as his magic briefly stuttered and lost its shape in his hands before it reformed again. ”The confidential information does not include: information generally available to the public, information rightfully in the parties’ possession prior to this agreement and information independently developed without the use of what would be shared in the following conversation.” 

The spell grew bigger and bigger in his palms as he recited the terms until it was the size of a cat. It looked oddly alive, even though Lucifer knew this was impossible. 

“Now I need you each to hold out one of your hands.” He instructed. He projected the spell, and the tendrils of green magic slowly waved itself around their wrists, curling and twisting  in intricate, graceful patterns until they were all bound together securely but somehow Lucifer didn’t feel constricted or trapped. The magic felt inquisitive and vibrant against his skin, like a newly sprouted plant turning towards the sunlight. 

“Oh, it’s just like crochet !” Angel exclaimed, and Alastor once again glared at him.

“Be quiet.” 

“Should we…?” Charlie inquired as she vaguely gestured from her one hand to his, but the Radio Demon shook his head.

"No handshaking." Alastor ordered. "Do not touch one another. Now listen carefully. You all hereby swear not to disclose any confidential information that the following conversation will include, according to the terms of the agreement, with anyone outside the concerned parties. Say I swear if you accept.” 

“I swear.” Lucifer said. 

“I swear.” Fen and Selinan replied in unison.

“I swear.” Charlie declared and she had to elbow Vaggie who was still looking at the magic around her wrist like it was a venomous snake. "I swear" The fallen angel begrudgingly said. 

“Yeah, yeah I swear too.” Angel said, and while it hopefully didn’t change anything in this instance Lucifer knew he should tell him later never to change the wording of a deal.

They all turned to Alastor and Lucifer noticed in horror that his entire mouth was covered with neon green stitches, as though sewed shut.

“I swear.” He finally said through gritted teeth, sweating profusely.

Lucifer looked at him, suddenly suspicious. Agreeing to the terms shouldn’t be difficult or straining, especially for the caster of the spell. 

Unless…

But then Alastor closed his palm and the magic suddenly disappeared. The deal was sealed. He could feel it. 

He frowned, confused for a moment as his gaze met Alastor’s. 

I must have imagined it.

“Thank you.” He blurted, feeling ridiculously guilty for having doubted him. 

“You are most welcome, my Dear.” The sinner replied, not even bothering to disguise how different the term of endearment sounded when he used it for Lucifer.

“Phew ! That was tingly !” Angel exclaimed and Fen fervently nodded.  

“It felt like when I touched that lamp at my grandma’s house when I was little, the one with the exposed wire. Except it didn’t hurt.” She giggled nervously, clenching and unclenching her hand. 

“Really ? For me it was like being numb, like my hand was asleep.” Selina replied with a frown.

“It’s okay guys. Powerful magic affects everyone differently, it depends on a lot of factors.” Charlie offered with a smile. Lucifer made himself very small, ridiculously embarrassed at having compared Alastor’s magic to a vibrant plant in the sunlight. Even in his head.

“Are you ready sweetheart ?” Angel finally said at his attention and everyone once again turned to him.

Lucifer looked at Charlie and opened his mouth, only to close it again. 

He hadn't exactly prepared what he wanted to say. When he'd invited Charlie to the therapy session all he had known was that he wanted to reconnect with her, he wanted the bridge that Lilith had dug between them to disappear. 

But where to begin ? How could he explain to Charlie that her mother wasn't who she thought she was ? How could he even begin to address all the ways she must have affected their relationship ? 

How could he be honest, without once again letting Lilith steal away the conversation until she was filling the entire room like a particularly volatile gas ? He needed to make this about them, about Charlie and him. Not about lilith.

"You probably don't remember this, but I was the one who took care of you when you were little." He finally told her, the word leaving his mouth before he even registered thinking about them. Charlie’s eyes widened, and it was obvious it wasn’t at all what she had expected him to say.

He refrained from telling her that Lilith told him she'd handle Charlie's education once she's gotten interesting, Dear.

Lilith had never really been maternal, and it hadn’t helped that they’d had so much trouble to conceive. But she’d been so eager to produce an heir that Lucifer had believed this would change once she'd had Charlie. 

As it turned out his wife had hated everything about pregnancy, often complaining about how her unborn baby was sucking the life out of her , how hateful it was to be growing another being in her body.  And later on she had hated everything about maternity too, from the crying to the feedings to the changing of nappies. If she'd had it her way Charlie would have been handed to an army of wet nurses the second she was born and forgotten about until she was old enough to talk.  

"Your mother was… not the nurturing type, so for the first years I had you all to myself.I spent hours looking at you when you were a baby, learning your features, kissing your tiny hands and feet.It was the happiest time of my life.”He told her. 

And he’d been gentler with himself too, at the time, because Charlie had needed him. He’d ate when she ate, slept when she slept, and for once he hadn’t felt guilty about doing nothing productive all day, he hadn’t felt guilty about being a failure as a monarch. He’d known he was handling the most important job of all: raising his precious child. Hell’s only heir. 

It had helped too, he suddenly realized, that they’d barely seen hide nor hair of Lilith during that time. 

“When you started to walk and talk it got even better.I took you everywhere with me, sometimes we would hide together in the trees of the greenhouse, or in the secret passages, you remember ?” He asked, smiling as he recalled the serious way Charlie would order him not to talk, putting her chubby little hand on his mouth.

Charlie was looking at him, mesmerized, like he was speaking of a long forgotten fairytale.

“I-I think so. Everything is so fuzzy, I don’t…We were hiding from her didn’t we ? I was scared of her.” Charlie said suddenly, frowning even as Vaggie put a hand on her shoulder. 

“Yes.” He replied. From infancy until Charlie was old enough to hold conversations Lilith had scarcely been able to hold her without causing her to cry. No matter how sweet or gentle she’d pretend to be, their daughter always ran back into Lucifer’s arms, cowering from her mother’s touch. And it hadn’t helped that each time Lilith would take it personally, growing increasingly resentful of their child.

“I remember.” Charlie finally said. “I remember her yelling at me, I remember thinking she was mean. I didn’t understand who she was, I didn’t understand  why you would let her near me.” 

“I thought I had to. I thought it was the right thing to do.” He admitted.

And yet he remembered how wrong it was each time Lilith would take his daughter away from him, like she was tearing out one of his limbs. Somehow he’d felt that Charlie was his child, only his. Like he’d molded her himself from clay, like a golem. 

And suddenly Lucifer saw it. 

Another life, in another universe, where he would have left Lilith and raised Charlie on his own. Maybe they would have left the palace, leaving the past behind them to start anew. Leaving Hell and Heaven to their own devices as they carved their own path.

But it wasn’t his reality. 

“What happened Dad ?” Charlie asked. She looked tired and genuinely confused, as though the course of events that brought them where they were now hadn’t been theirs, like they’d been strangers inside their own lives and thus didn’t feel any manner of familiarity for it.

“You grew up. And she took you from me.” He whispered.

“What do you mean she took her ?” Selina inquired. She looked livid, and Fen had to gently stroke her hand to get her to unclench her fists. 

“When Charlie was little she lived where I lived, at the center of the palace where it’s the safest. It’s a fortress,virtually impossible to access. I had my own household there, like a city within a city. The rest of the palace I was… forbidden from using, because it wasn’t nearly as protected. That’s where she took Charlie.” He explained. 

Taking didn’t seem like the correct term as much as stealing. Lilith had had servants drag Charlie away, screaming and kicking. She assured him it was for her own good, that unlike him Charlie was meant for the outside world, that it was the right thing to do. He’d cried himself to sleep for weeks after that.

“But how did that work if she took your kid somewhere you couldn’t go ? Who decided when she could come back to see you ?” Selina insisted with a hard stare.

“Lilith did. At first they visited a lot, but as the years passed it became less and less frequent and then it stopped, altogether.” He offered. He remembered the longing, the waiting, thinking that today would be the day. But at one point there were no more days, no more Charlie. She’d forgotten about him.

When he glanced at Charlie again she was looking at him with tears welling up in her eyes. 

"She didn't force me to stop seeing you Dad, I did it willingly." She said.

“I understand.” He said, though her words hurt him more than anything anyone had ever said to him. 

“No, no you don’t. She told me those horrible things about you. Things that weren’t true Dad. She told me...She told me that you didn't care about the sinners, or us . That you were selfish and immature and that we shouldn't expect anything from you. She never said anything about how you were bound to Hell, how catastrophic it would be if you got hurt. She never said...”She said dejectedly. 

From the couch he heard Angel clear his throat. He and Alastor seemed to have reached some sort of temporary truce somewhere after he started talking about Lilith, and were both looking at them. 

“I’m sorry to ask sweetheart, but why the hell did you believe her ?” Angel inquired with his eyebrows raised, but Lucifer’s attention was caught on the Radio Demon who had been silent until now and was looking at Charlie with wide, ravenous eyes. 

“Charlie already knows the answer.” He replied. “Isn’t that right Dear ?”

Charlie turned a wary gaze to him and grimaced.

“How do you know about that ?” She asked, looking both defeated and angry. 

“Call it a lucky guess.” Alastor purred, but there was contempt in his eyes, as though he was disappointed in her. 

“What’s Smiles on about ?” Angel inquired. 

“Charlie…” Vaggie gently encouraged her, and his daughter finally accepted to look at him.

“She-She did something to me Dad.” Charlie admitted, and Lucifer’s heart skipped a bit as he swallowed a wave of nausea.” I didn’t realize it until you came to live here and I noticed some things just didn’t… fit. Like they were fabricated somehow. When I lived with her it was like you were a dream, almost like I had invented you in my head. When we saw each other the dream would fade and you would become real again, and I would know you again. But then I would go back and suddenly I wouldn’t know what was fake, the idea of you in my head or the real you.” 

“You mean…?” Fen haphazarded as she looked around, looking for an answer.

“ Mind control.” Selina concluded, looking like she was going to be sick.

“Not exactly Dear. Our beloved Queen doesn’t have the power to manipulate people’s minds as she pleases. She can only use suggestion.” He explained.

“So, she cannot make people believe anything, but if they are open to it she can manipulate them ?” Fen offered with a puzzled look.

“More or less. It also depends on the person, if they have a strong belief system or if they are aware of her power it would be more difficult.” Lucifer told her.

“Indeed.” Alastor said approvingly. “It wouldn't work on someone strong-willed and well-informed such as myself. But on someone vulnerable, someone who lived in close proximity with her for a long time, like a family member ? Someone loyal, who would have never suspected they were being deceived ?”Alastor said, now looking at him and Lucifer didn’t know who he was referring to anymore.

“You think she did it to me, too.” He mused, because it was obviously what the demon was getting at. 

“Think about it, Dear.” Alastor pleaded gently. “How dependent of her you have been for so many years, how reluctant you have been to question her behaviour.” 

How easily she made me believe I was crazy and stupid. 

Suddenly it made sense. The unexplained fuzziness in his memories, why things seemed so evident now but somehow went over his head before.

He looked at Charlie and somehow they both knew. 

They hadn’t just been abused and deceived. They had been prisoners. 

“ Wait a damn minute .” Selina exclaimed. “Is this why everyone outside thinks Lilith created Hell ? I don’t remember who told me about that, but I instantly believed it. I didn’t even question it.” 

“Me neither.” Fen admitted. 

They all stared at one another in horror for several minutes. Lucifer could scarcely describe what was going on inside his head, it was as though he had stumbled upon something terribly taboo and secret, and yet also feeling stupid for not realizing that it had been right under his nose.

“Dad, who is she ? What has she been doing all this time ?” Charlie asked. 

“I don’t know.” He admitted. 

But there is someone who does. 

“ Charlie ? Where is Mina ?”

Chapter Text

When Lucifer had parted from Fen, Selina and Angel after that session it had been with a look he'd seldom experienced with anyone before moving into the Hotel. 

It was a look of understanding, brought forth by the knowledge that they were now sharing a secret that could very well change the face of Hell, forever. One could appreciate the universe’ sense of humour, because why else would it be that the only people in all the realm to have shared this conversation aside from his daughter were a pair of florists, a retired pornstar and a high functioning psychopath whom three months prior he didn’t even know. And yet Lucifer couldn't find it in himself to be disappointed, and if he had to do it again he would still have picked them over those stuffy government officials Lilith had liked to surround herself with. 

He could still feel Alastor's magic sitting on his pulse point. It wasn't intrusive or constructive in the slightest, like pieces of jewellery were. In fact the weight of it was strangely comforting, for he knew that this was the guarantee that all of them were safe. For now.

I wonder if the others can feel it, too. 

The three sinners had volunteered their help to find Mina of course, but Lucifer had refused. He didn’t want to involve them anymore then he already had, especially since he suspected everything was so much worse than he’d thought. Fen and Selina had nodded at him before leaving the lobby, stealing concerned glances at him before disappearing in the darkness of the corridor. 

 Angel had followed suit, but not before he’d ruffled his hair and promised he’d come running if Lucifer needed help and despite his worry Lucifer had felt a flicker of warmth settling in his chest when he’d realized his friend had meant it. Would come back if Lucifer called upon him. That he now had people who would come back for him.

Which left him in the deserted lobby with Charlie.  

And Alastor . 

"If I am not mistaken, you were instructed to prevent her from leaving my Dear. How exactly did you go about that ?" Alastor asked Charlie with his static sizzling irritably in the air. Someone with a permanent smile on his face shouldn’t be able to look so peeved, and yet there had been no doubts about the sinner’s feelings ever since the search had begun.

"I-I talked to her, told her that we'd prefer if she didn't leave the hotel but that she had nothing to fear..."Charlie declared,

"You told a dangerous fugitive that you would prefer it if they didn't leave the hotel ? And waited patiently for you to deal with them ?" Alastor drawled incredulously, his smile so wide it looked like it was about to split his face in two.

"I told her not to leave her room but I couldn't in good conscience prevent her from going out ! We're not keeping our guests prisoners !" Charlie protested, but she was guiltily chewing at her lower lip and averting her gaze.

As it turned out, locating absconded sinners with camouflaging abilities was like locating a pin in a haystack. If the haystack was instead one hundred haystacks and if the pin could turn invisible on demand. 

Three hours later they were no closer to finding her than they'd been when they'd started. Mina could literally be anywhere, and somehow Lucifer already knew that they wouldn't find her unless she wanted to be found. 

“I can-I can talk to the others. Organize a search party, maybe distribute flyers ?” Charlie offered but Alastor shook his head.

"No my Dear, sending all our residents on a wild goose chase is the last thing we should be doing.” Alastor told her, seemingly doing his best to reign in his irritation. “This requires a delicate touch, leave it to me." 

The Radio Demon tensely turned on his heels and made a beeline for the door, and Lucifer couldn’t help but notice the sinner had pointedly avoided looking at him ever since they’d started searching for Mina. Then again, his strange behavior could probably be attributed to his rage when he’d learned what exactly the other sinner had done to warrant being considered such a vital source of information. 

"Wait !" Lucifer called after him and the Alastor immediately turned back to raise a questioning eyebrow at him. "Do you need...?"

But the rest of the sentence was anyone's guess, because Lucifer himself didn't know what he had been trying to offer. He wanted to be useful and participate in the search, but seeing as the Radio Demon was obviously headed outside, going with him evidently wasn't an option. 

" No." Alastor said, his tone so forceful that Lucifer had to refrain from jumping in surprise. 

He suddenly realized it was the first time since he Turned that Alastor had actively refused his presence. The sinner looked wary and apprehensive, with his ears flattened slightly on his head and his feedback whining softly. Almost as though he was about to do something wrong and unsightly that he didn't want Lucifer to witness.

"Alright." Lucifer offered and the Radio Demon relaxed, seemingly mollified when it became clear Lucifer had no intention of following him. 

Not that I particularly wanted to in the first place.

"I'll leave no stone unturned. If she is still in the city, I will find her the second she gets out of hiding."The Radio Demon offered. His tone was gentle and yet there was something about that sentence that had Lucifer shiver with unease. 

 Somehow he knew that whatever method the Radio Demon used to hunt down people, it would be better if Charlie and him found Mina before he did.  

Alastor disappeared outside, and the sonorous sound of the massive wooden door closing behind him lingered in the air for several seconds before silence settled in the deserted lobby. 

Lucifer and Charlie were left looking at each other and, with nothing else better to do, both sat on the couch. Neither of them talked for what felt like a small eternity, and Lucifer wondered if this was how waiting rooms felt like on earth. He decided that whoever invented the concept must have ended up in Hell.

"What did Mina even do, dad ?" Charlie suddenly asked, turning her weary gaze towards him. She looked older, he realized, when she wasn’t going out of her way to act positive.

Two days ago Lucifer's first instinct would have been to defuse and deflect. Swipe the dust under the rug and never talk about it, lest he destroyed the very ground he was standing on. He even realized that’s what he’d been doing during the therapy session, surrendering information in dribs and drabs as though it would make the truth any less horrible. 

But what good did it do him ? What good did it do Charlie ? The only person who had been consistently winning in this situation was Lilith.

 Always Lilith. 

It seemed such a waste that they could have solved this years ago if they'd just talked to each other, and Lucifer wondered if it was the residual effect of Lilith's power that had kept them from doing so for so long. And yet he also knew that what happened to them was not special in the slightest, that people experienced it all the time and were bound to silence by shame and fear as surely as if they'd been put under a spell. 

Maybe it wouldn’t have changed anything even if they’d been a regular family.

"Mina was the spy your mother hired to watch me. I didn’t exactly gather how long she’d been doing it, but it was probably years. She was also apparently instructed to… mess with my head. Make me doubt myself, so I would think I was going crazy.” He said, trying to keep his tone clear and matter of factly. 

Charlie’s eyes widened and she sagged in a way that had Lucifer almost concerned, like her ribcage had just collapsed and her spine wasn’t strong enough anymore to support her weight. 

He gently squeezed her shoulder and when she looked up again she looked haunted.

“She told me you were unstable. That you weren’t right in the head and that I shouldn’t think of you as a real person. She talked about all the times she had to calm you down because you were throwing a fit for something ridiculous or how you always wailed and cried for no reason. That you sometimes saw things that weren’t there. I didn’t know what to think.” Charlie admitted.

He had to swallow a mouthful of bile when he realized Lilith hadn’t exactly lied. He remembered when she’d found him whimpering on the floor of his bedroom because the pen he’d known had been on his desk five minutes prior had disappeared. Again. How she’d comforted him afterwards as though she was his savior instead of the person tormenting him.

There had been times when Lilith probably hadn’t been at cause, too. Deep down he’d always known he was different, that it was one of the reasons he’d been cast down from Heaven in the first place. Lilith has pretended to love him for it, pretended that she thought there was nothing wrong with him in the first place. But it was all a lie. She’d used his vulnerability to destroy and subdue him. She’d described him to their child as though he was more of a creature than a person. As though Lucifer, scared and quiet as an animal, was an animal. 

“I can’t lie to you Charlie. I can’t tell you that I would have always been…solid. I don’t think I’ll ever be like everyone else, I’ve known for some time. But had it not been for her I think I could have found a way to be, if not normal then at least functional ? Happy ? Whatever that means down here. I think-Or rather I hope that we can find a way for that to happen.” He offered gently, trying his best not to feel small under his daughter’s intense scrutiny. 

“Of course, dad. Of course.” She replied, as she took both his gloved hands in hers, rubbing her thumb on the golden ring he was still wearing. “You know, everything she told me became irrelevant when I started spending time with you. You weren’t crazy, you weren’t selfish. You were the gentlest, most sensitive soul I had ever met. You were just tired because you went through things no one should ever have to endure, because you’re the only reason Hell is still standing up .”

He squeezed her hands a bit tighter and swallowed back his tears. He’d thought Charlie had given him everything he needed, more than he deserved in any case and that it would have to be enough. But he’d been wrong, it occurred to him that a part of him had been waiting for this, had been holding its breath for years.

“Thank you sweetie, I…that means a lot.” He offered lamely. It was the understatement of the century, but Charlie seemed to understand it anyway.

“I didn’t immediately start questioning her dad, I’m sorry. When I thought about it I merely wondered if maybe she’d been mistaken. But the truth is some part of me didn’t even think anything of it at all. It was like I was aware there was a paradox, that one belief couldn’t exist alongside the other and yet…I felt compelled not to investigate, not to worry about it. That is, until the therapy sessions began and I started to suspect what she’d done.” She explained, with the same confused expression.

“I went through the exact same thing, Charlie. In fact, I think some part of me still trusted your mother in some capacity until I talked to Mina and I couldn’t hide from the truth anymore.” Lucifer admitted. 

“That was her power wasn’t it ? I feel so stupid dad, unlike most people in Hell I’ve known what she was capable of. But for some reason I’ve always thought I would know if she one day used it on me. That I would feel different.” She mused, as she wrinkled her adorable little nose and he sighed, because this was all too familiar.

“That’s not how suggestion works sweetie, she cannot change what you think or feel, she can just influence it. Which makes it even more dangerous I suppose.” He offered. Somehow he was convinced that even without her powers, without this slight advantage she’d been given over other people, Lilith would have been exactly the same. 

Charlie seemed to ponder on the subject for a moment before she cleared her throat.

“Did she…did she make you doubt yourself ? As though everything you were feeling and experiencing was wrong ?” She asked him in a small voice.

“Yes. Did she do the same to you ?” He countered. At this point he already knew the answer, and he swallowed down the wave of anger and protectiveness that was threatening to smother him as he tried to give his daughter an encouraging look. 

“All the time. It was like she… resented me, for having emotions. Like they were inconveniencing her. She wasn’t..She wasn’t like you. She wasn’t like you at all.” She muttered.

“What did she do to you ?” He asked her. He didn’t want to know, could already suspect it was worse than anything he could possibly imagine. He wasn’t a grieving man talking about his ex-wife anymore, but a father gathering information on a dangerous individual that hurt his precious child so that he was prepared to fight them . He had to know. 

“In the first months I was often sad and upset. I missed you, I wasn’t used to her household because it was cold and sterile, and her staff was weird . But the more I tried getting her attention and her comfort, the more withdrawn and disapproving she became. As though I was… disgusting.” She whispered, her eyes were wide and focused on the fabric of the couch, lost in memory and Lucifer didn’t dare move a muscle. It was as though breathing too hard would break the spell.

“When I inevitably broke down and started crying, or worse started asking for you she would…She would ignore me, for hours. Sometimes for days. She instructed the staff not to interact with me either and I felt like I was invisible, that I was a ghost and that no one could see me because I was already dead. I would cry and cry in my room until I fell asleep and then at some point I understood there was no point.”She continued. 

His heart broke as he imagined his daughter, no older than fifty at the time, a small child by hellborn standard, alone in her room and crying herself to sleep without anyone to comfort her. While he was miles away, feeling sorry for himself but convinced he’d made the right choice for her. That she’d deserved better than him.

“ And I stopped being sad or angry or…or anything in front of her. The worst thing is, she started acting positive towards me again and it felt so good that I started going out of my way to earn her approval instead of trying to run away, like I should have. I should have used all my strength to try and escape her, but I was so confused. And seeing you…hurt. Because you felt like a dream and I wasn’t sure if you were real or not, I was convinced you couldn’t be, and in any case I was too scared about what would happen if I asked to go back to you. It’s ridiculous but for the longest time I thought she was much more powerful than you were. I knew you, but I didn’t know who you were. When I discovered it…it was too late.” She finished with a sigh and neither she nor Lucifer realized she started crying until two tears the size of pearls streamed down her face and loudly collided with the fabric of the couch. 

And before they knew it huge sobs began shuddering throughout her body, so strong they almost looked like convulsions and she threw herself in Lucifer’s open arms, like he was the only thing anchoring her to the here and the now. 

“Shhh, it’s ok.” He shushed her as he stroked her hair and back but it only seemed to make her cry harder. 

 “It’s ok baby. I love you, it’s ok. I love you.” He repeated softly.

He kept on holding her and offering soft words and reassurances until her sobs turned to sniffles and she pulled back, looking at him with red rimmed eyes.

“She told me I was too much like you. She would use you as an example to scare me, she told me that I’d end up just like you. Alone and forgotten and despised by everyone.” She sniffed, her face was red and puffy and Lucifer conjured a tissue to wipe her eyes, before he encouraged her to blow her nose.

At this point he wasn’t even feeling hurt about all the horrible things Lilith must have said about him, he was only furious she told them to their child, cut Charlie from the only ressource she could have had aside from herself. 

“Well you know what, dad ? Fuck what she says !  I love being too much like you, there was nothing wrong with that. Fuck her.” She declared, her voice broken but so loud she looked around for a moment like she was worried someone would have overheard.

Lucifer chuckled softly, and she joined him in laughter not long after before sobering up and looking at him seriously.

“I’d be more worried of becoming too much like her. Sometimes I fear I inherited some…parts of her, dark parts. And after what happened with Alastor’s Turning, how natural it had felt for me to take control of your life as though I knew better, I started being scared of myself a little bit.” She admitted, and Lucifer took a wayward strand of golden hair that had escaped from her hairdo and tucked it behind her ears.

“Charlie, you don’t just turn into a bad person overnight, it’s not witchcraft. Instead it’s like an endless string of bad decisions that you make and then refuses to question that brings you there. Your mother never questioned herself, never wondered if she was wrong. You are nothing like her.” He assured her.

She didn’t quite look like she believed him completely but he knew that this wasn't something he could force her to see, this wasn’t a journey he could take in her place.Charlie will have to figure out who she was just like he was trying to.The only difference now was they had the support of one another. 

And they both slumped on the sofa next to each other, exhausted but more relieved than they’d been in years.

"I'm sorry dad, I should have been more careful about Mina. When I was talking to her I genuinely thought that I had successfully convinced her to stay." Charlie muttered. 

"It's ok sweetie, I don't think she's the kind of person who's really used to trusting others." He told her.

It was true. He thought back at Mina's behaviour, the near defiant glint in her eyes even as she was trying to apologize to him, the way she talked. This was the behaviour of someone who was used to ensuring their own survival without relying on anyone else. Someone's whose existence on earth and in Hell has proven that other people simply couldn’t be trusted. He realized he knew another person with that gaze, and it was the very man who had spent the last month trying to get close to him at all costs. The only difference between Mina and Alastor was that the Radio Demon was unimaginably powerful, so powerful he could afford to keep his dignity. While people like Mina settled for the scraps. 

He loved Charlie with all his heart, and it was now clear that despite all his efforts he hadn't offered her the life she deserved. The safety, the comfort. This was something he would regret for the rest of his existence. But at the same time he could acknowledge that his daughter had been more fortunate than most in Hell, she'd never gone hungry, she'd always had a roof over her head, she’d never had to fear for her life. 

To someone like Mina, who'd probably faced adversity in all her earthly existence and the next, Charlie's no doubt sincere offer of friendship must have sounded very hollow indeed. 

"But where would she have gone ? " Charlie mused. 

Lucifer pondered the question for a moment. Where would someone like Mina go when feeling threatened ? She seemed resourceful and cunning, but also opportunistic. She would have gone somewhere she was familiar with, a place where she could afford to stay hidden for a very long time, a place where nobody would think to look for her. 

A place outside the city, because then Alastor would have found her by now. 

You've got to be kidding me 

"Charlie, I think I know where she is.” He said, suddenly.

“What ?” Charlie slurred, and he realized she must have been dozing off. 

“Stay here, I'll be right back." He declared

"Do you want me to come with you ? Or maybe Alastor would-" she began, but he shook his head.

If Mina hadn't been receptive to Charlie's kindness, it was unlikely he would manage to coax her out if his daughter was in the room. And given the way her last interaction with Alastor had gone, bringing the Radio Demon along will only result in making her scramble in the other direction. 

That I can understand…

"No sweetie, it's best I go alone." He said.

He kissed his daughter on the forehead before getting up, and she hugged his waist and rested her head on his belly for a moment. 

His heart soared as he was reminded that they could have this, that it wasn't too late. And it didn't matter that Charlie was so much bigger than him now, that her shoulders barely fit in the cradle of his arms. She was his child, as surely as if he’d given birth to her himself. 

There would be a time to rebuild and heal together, but right now they both deserved answers. 

"Don’t worry baby.I'm going to bring her back." He declared, his voice muffled by his daughter's hair before he finally extricated himself from her embrace and opened a portal.

"Where are you going dad ?" Charlie inquired with furrowed brows. It was a legitimate question, given how limited he was in the places he could go, but he was satisfied to notice that she wasn’t making any attempt to dissuade him.

"To the palace." He replied, before stepping into the void. 

***

He landed directly in his room. Or rather, the miserable prison that used to be his room. 

He hadn't wanted to draw everyone's attention by showing up at the front door. This was too big, too important to involve anymore people. 

As he took in the room something foreign and unpleasant settled in his chest, something akin to claustrophobia. 

For years this room had been his whole universe, self sufficient and isolated from the rest of the world like an ecosystem inside of a terrarium. And yet he didn't recognize it anymore, didn't feel any semblance of familiarity towards it. As though it had been owned by someone who shared his memories, but wasn't him.

Was it really the desk he used to work at ? Was it his collection of favourite ducks put on display on a golden shelf ? Was it really his bed, in it's slept-in condition, just like he left it ? He remembered feeling safe in this room, feeling reluctant to leave it behind. But now he saw it for what it really was. A gilded cage. 

An oubliette. A dark place out of sight where people were tossed to be forgotten about. 

He slowly walked to the desk, caressing the half-finished sketch he’d abandoned when he decided to move in the Hotel. The accursed pen was placed right next to the sketchbook; right where he’d left it. 

No more disappearing now, houdini ? 

"You used to work here when you couldn't sleep." A voice offered from behind him that Lucifer immediately recognized, and he barely kept himself from jumping out of his skin.

"That's true." He said, but he didn’t look around to try to locate the person who was talking to hin 

"It was my favourite place to watch you. The only time when you looked completely free." Mina continued, and Lucifer tried not to wince when he noticed she was sitting in an armchair near the coffee table, at his right but still in his field of vision. And he once again wondered how he could have missed her. Her tongue was sticking out of her mouth and her strikingly green eyes were following his every movement like a bird of prey. 

How long has she been here ?

It was an unexpectedly sweet sentiment, if hopelessly creepy. What was it about him that seemed to trigger inappropriate feelings of familiarity and endearment in people he didn’t even know ? 

I already have one of you in my life, I’m good.

"You're right, that was the only time when I could forget how miserable I was. I could simply pretend I was a normal person, sitting at his desk.” He offered softly.

She hummed softly and he pulled out the chair from underneath the desk and sat down, his body angled towards her but he didn’t push his seat closer to hers, for fear she’d disappear again. 

“It was an illusion though. I haven’t been free for a really long time.” He told her. “You know it, don’t you ? You weren’t free either.” 

A flash of pain passed through the sinner’s eyes, and Lucifer knew he’d hit a nerve, even though she didn’t say anything. 

“You must be tired of running away and hiding. Of being scared of her.” He insisted, trying to keep his voice soft and cajoling as though he was trying to befriend a feral cat.

“You want me to go back with you.” Mina accused. “You want to interrogate me.” 

“I want the truth.” He admitted. 

“You might not like it. And if I go back with you my life will be in danger.”She said defiantly.

“I’m sorry Alastor threatened you, but I promise he won’t attack you again. No one in the hotel will hurt you Mina, you have my word. I will protect you.” He assured her, but Mina’s gaze hardened ever so slightly.

“It’s not your Radio Demon I am most worried about.” She muttered, briefly licking her lips.

Lucifer kept himself from telling her Alastor wasn't his Radio Demon, wasn’t his anything at all. Instead he chose to focus on who the sinner was obviously talking about, who terrified her above anyone else. 

“I’ll protect you even from her.” Lucifer insisted.

“ You can’t. You might not even be able to protect yourself.” Mina sighed, eyeing Lucifer with a look of pity, as though he was a naive idiot. 

“I’ll try anyway Mina. If you come back to the hotel, if you do this for me, then you will not only have my forgiveness, you’ll have my friendship. You’ll have a home.” He pleaded, and he could see her resolve begin to crumble. 

“I’m scared.” She sighed and he left his seat to slowly make his way to her before extending his hand towards her. 

“Me too. And I can’t promise you you’re not taking any risks but I’m tired of being a prisoner in this room. Aren’t you ?” He inquired softly. 

Lucifer held his breath as Mina’s gaze went from his hand, to his eyes; to his hand again. 

And slowly, so slowly, she slid her palm in his.

***

Mina was looking defiantly at Alastor from where she was standing behind him and Charlie in his daughter’s office. And if Lucifer had thought the radio Demon looked livid earlier, it was nothing compared to how he looked now.

“This vile, deceitful, revolting worm had been instrumental to your deteriorating state, violated your privacy for years and abused your daughter's trust to get closer to you again. And you want me to promise to listen to her and let her go ?” Alastor hissed, the screech of his feedback so loud Lucifer was worried it was going to alert all the hotel. 

“Yes.” Lucifer told him, looking the Radio Demon right in the eyes and that seemed to nip his anger right in the bud. 

“ Why ?” The sinner asked helplessly, as though he was worried Lucifer had lost his mind. 

“Because this is what I need from you.” Lucifer declared and Alastor’s entire face scrunched up as he looked at him, the need to eliminate a perceived threat warring with the need to care for Lucifer’s emotional needs.

“Alastor.” Charlie intervened gently, thankfully having regained her composure before he and Mina came back. “Mina is taking a lot of risks by being here, she has more to lose than all of us, I don’t think she would be here if she didn’t want to do the right thing.” 

“I’m here for Lucifer.” Mina offered, which obviously wasn’t the right thing to say because the feedback grew louder still, and Lucifer could already see a handful of tiny shadow tendrils erupt from Alastor’s back, furiously writhing and coiling around one another like angry snakes as he was looking at Mina. 

With a sigh Lucifer inserted himself in the sinner’s field of vision and waited patiently until Alastor’s glowing gaze finally zeroed in on him and softened. 

“Whatever Mina has to say, I need to hear it. And it’s more important than punishing her for what she had done in the past and obviously under duress. I need this, do you understand ?” He inquired and he could see the Radio Demon’s anger evaporate as the need to please him finally slipped at the forefront of his priorities. 

“ Yes, Dear.” He said softly, and Lucifer pushed down his embarrassment at how easy it had been to convince him.

With Alastor finally on board, they retreated to the spot near the window where Charlie had kept the armchair and that was now referred to in Lucifer’s head as The Awkward Conversations Corner™.. 

He manifested another armchair that he placed next to the one that was facing the two others so that Mina wouldn’t feel interrogated by facing the three of them. Alastor immediately took the seat next to him, and Mina the one next to his daughter

“Mina,” Charlie offered gently. “In your own time.”

For a moment the chameleon sinner didn’t say anything, she licked her lips with the tip of her tongue and her green eyes were making quick, aborted movements from left to right as though she was dreaming. Lucifer wondered if it was simply the way she was processing information.

"She discovered me sixty years ago, at the bazaar near the red district.” She began and Lucifer looked around confusedly.

“A place of ill repute, Dear.” Alastor helpfully supplied.

“Oh..hum, have you-have you been ?” Charlie asked hesitantly and Lucifer also frowned as he tried to imagine what the Radio Demon must have been up to in a place like that.

“But of course, dear Mimzy has a lovely little bar near  ! The food is absolutely dreadful of course, but it’s the best jazz club this side of the pentagram !” He exclaimed. “Not to mention you can find all manners of supplies there, if you know where to look.” 

Lucifer shivered as he imagined what kind of supplies Alastor must be talking about, each option seemed more horrifying than the last.

“So Mina, you were saying ?” He inquired, both because he wanted to hear her story and because he wanted to keep his mind far, far away from what the Radio Demon had been implying.

“I was a street performer back then, me and my sister had a magic act.” Mina explained, and Lucifer thought he could see the shadow of a smile on her otherwise solemn face. He hadn't known she had a sister, the sinner had claimed having no relatives in Hell when she checked in. “We were twins, you know ? But we were like night and day. Nami was a good entertainer, funny, she could dazzle a crowd like no one else. Me ? I was nothing like that, I've always been awkward and quiet, and people never paid attention to me. But I had a knack for making things disappear, objects, myself. We didn't make a fortune, far from it, but it was enough to get by in the bazaar, especially if you want to keep your clothes on your back.”

Lucifer nodded, a bit stunned when it occurred to him how little he knew of the realm he was supposed to rule. Mina was talking about struggling to get by without selling her body, as though it was something common and normal. From the corner of his eye he could see that Alastor didn’t seem shocked in the slightest.

"It wasn't the first time I've heard of her. Of lilith. Everyone knew this was where she recruited people to do shady work for her. Rumour had it that she paid handsomely, but that none of the people she hired ever came back. Some said she made them so rich they probably didn't want to return to this miserable hellhole, some said she killed them.” Mina continued, her voice devoid of any inflection. “Some even said she enslaved some of them and took their souls.” 

Charlie and he shared a concerned look, but none of them said anything.

"But why didn't you refuse, if you knew it was so dangerous ?” Charlie inquired and Mina cocked her head to the side as she looked at her, her tongue poking out of her mouth.

"Because you do not say no to the Queen. Everyone knows that." She told her, as though she was stating the obvious and Charlie was slow ."After our act she appeared backstage, out of nowhere, and told me that I was throwing away my gift by working in a place like this, that she was willing to offer me the opportunity of a lifetime. She needed me to perform a task for her, something that no one else but me could do. Nothing difficult, she assured me.I could have a life of luxury and more money than I could count without getting a single drop of blood on my hands. I already knew who she was. And I already knew I’d have to go with her.”

“What happened next ?” Lucifer inquired, and as his gaze met Mina’s he could swear her eyes were glistening with tears. 

 “I asked if me and my sister could go together, but she refused. She didn't want Nami, she only wanted me.I didn’t know it at the time, but this performance was the last time I would see her." She said, lowering her head and Lucifer’s heart clenched. From the corner of his eye he could feel that Charlie was looking at the sinner with a desolate expression and even Alastor seemed like he didn’t like the direction the conversation just took. 

“I’m so sorry Mina.” Charlie told her, but the sinner simply frowned and shook her head. As though his daughter’s sympathy was making her uncomfortable. 

“She started small at first.” The sinner went on, like she hadn’t heard her as she turned towards Lucifer.”She only asked me to track where you were going to when you weren’t in your room, she told me it was for your own good but I wasn’t stupid. I was both relieved and disappointed, because I thought she was just another paranoid wife making sure her husband wasn’t cheating on her now that she was living somewhere else with the princess. She asked me to be thorough though, she wanted to know everything, from the people you talked to, to the clothes you wore, to how you looked. I did this charade for two years, she was almost kind at the time, she offered me expensive clothes, gave me my own room, I even had my own staff.She even let me send the money I made to Nami, we wrote to one another too. Told each other everything.” 

Lucifer shuddered as he tried remembering if maybe he’d felt it, if maybe he’d noticed something was out of the ordinary. And he came up with nothing. He thought bitterly that Lilith had done an excellent job when she recruited Mina, he’d truly been none the wiser. 

“And then what, Dear ? “Alastor suddenly asked through gritted, his claws were gripping the fabric of the armchair, slowly ripping it, and Lucifer wondered if they should cover all the furniture with plastic like people did when they had particularly destructive cats. 

“Then it started escalating, she wanted me to go into your room and actually watch you all day. I wasn’t ok with it, I wasn’t comfortable with what I was doing before, because I was still spying on the Kind of Hell, but at least then I could delude myself into thinking I was just playing detective for a jealous housewife. But I couldn’t justify what she was asking of me now, I was getting nervous. That’s when she told me that you…that you were important. I always knew you were important of course, but I hadn’t known that destroying you would…” Mina tried 

“That destroying Lucifer would also destroy Hell.” Alastor supplied. 

Mina nodded and turned once again to Lucifer, 

“I’m so sorry Lucifer, but she told me you were unstable and you seemed so… Fragile. You looked like you could be so easily hurt, so easily shaken. And who could have blamed you, after what you went through ? So I believed her, and while there was a part of me that still thought it was shady, something compelled me to ignore it.” She confessed, her voice barely louder than a whisper. But it didn’t matter because the room was completely silent as they were all holding their breath, even Alastor’s static was so soft someone who wasn’t used to hearing it everyday wouldn’t have noticed it was even there.

“How long ?” Lucifer asked softly. 

“Twenty years.” Mina said. 

“And you saw…”

“I saw everything.” She murmured, her teeth worrying the tip of her tongue so hard that they drew blood. Her cheeks were burning with shame and she was looking at the floor now, as though she’d disintegrate if she looked him in the eyes, like an ant underneath a magnifying glass. 

The static was back with a vengeance, loud and plaintive but Lucifer was too busy trying to keep himself from being sick. Every moment he thought was his own, Mina had seen. His failure, his shame, his joy, his everything also belonged to her.

“And then ?” Charlie thankfully asked in his place because Lucifer didn’t trust himself to talk without throwing up. From the corner of his eye he noticed that Alastor had stopped looking at Mina and was now focused on him, his unblinking eyes watching his every movement like he was ready to jump in to help him.  

God. He’d probably hold my hair while I’m throwing up if he needed to. 

“And then she asked me something that didn’t make any sense. Or rather, that didn’t make any sense if she was pretending to care about you at all. She asked me to…”

“Drive me crazy.” Lucifer concluded.

“Yes. She even gave me advice on how to do it that would distress you the most. She was still pretending like she was doing this for your own good, that she couldn’t let you get too confident or you’d put yourself in danger , but I knew it wasn’t true. It was like a veil had been lifted and I could see her for who she really was. And I knew she knew that I knew. But she didn’t seem to care. She started asking me more about my sister, about how she was, if she liked the life she’d built herself with the money I sent her. And what would Nami think, if something happened to me and she never received a single letter from me again ? And what would I think if something happened to her. I knew what that meant. So I did what she asked. “ Mina said

“Until…?” Charlie probed, hesitantly. 

“Until the Queen killed my sister and disappeared.” Mina said, spitting Lilith’s title as though it was poison. 

“But why ?” Lucifer probed. “Why your sister ? What did she have to do with this ?” 

“ The letters.” Alastor muttered, always one step ahead.”You said you told her everything, didn’t you ?” 

Mina’s face was streaming with tears as she nodded. 

"It was my fault. I signed her death warrant when I signed those letters. She knew too much." She sobbed quietly. “We never saw each other in person, but we always wrote one letter each day, always. I had a servant from the palace smuggle them in and out. When one day I didn’t receive one I knew immediately something was wrong. I escaped the palace, even though I was forbidden to, and rushed to the address Nami had given me, but I was too late. Lilith had killed her, and she was going to do the same for me.”

“What did you do then ?” Lucifer inquired.  

"I hid. That’s the thing I do best. I knew she had to go somewhere. She was restless, she wanted to erase every lead before she disappeared. Several times I overheard her speaking with someone on the phone, I didn’t know who it was but she kept saying I need more time, I need more time. She couldn't delay the inevitable forever, so I stayed patient. She probably expected me to run away from her but that had been her mistake, all the while she was searching for me I was still at the palace, right underneath her nose."Mina said, her voice dripping with contempt. 

“And after she was gone ?” Alastor probed.

“I went back to the bazar, that was where I belonged after all. I wouldn’t pick up the magic act again, it was just too painful without Nami, but I tried making a name for myself working as a detective. Mostly missing people or somesuch, it pays the bills and you have no idea how many people are looking for someone down here.” She said softly. “Then three months ago I learned about your daughter’s hotel and that you were here. And I knew it was time.”

Silence filled the room once again as they all did their best to process everything they’d just heard. Lucifer felt bone tired and weary,as though it had been decades since he’d woken up this morning. But before he tried to find some semblance of normality again he knew there was one last thing he had to do. 

“Mina ?”He said, but he didn’t look at the sinner to make sure she had heard him, instead he kept his eyes on the blue fabric of his sleeve. 

“Yes ?” Mina asked. Expectant. Hopeful. 

“I forgive you.” 

***

Charlie had disappeared with Mina five minutes ago to get her settled once again in her room, but not before she promised her father to come check on him as soon as she was finished. Then he was left alone with Alastor in the deserted corridor. 

The Radio demon was looking at him, his whole face scrunched up as though he was physically hurting. And if Lucifer didn't know better he would have thought his complexion looked grey, or well, greyer than usual, like he was about to be sick.

"Hum. Are you alright ?" He asked numbly. It felt bizarre to ask someone else the question when really he didn't even know if he was alright. 

"I never want you to be this vulnerable ever again. I never want anyone else to take advantage of you that way ever again." Alastor declared, his expression so intense Lucifer almost wanted to avert his gaze.

 It was the last thing he'd expected Alastor to say, on the contrary he’d expected him to use this opportunity to force himself even more into Lucifer’s life, under the guise of protecting him.

"But isn't it the whole point of your Turning ? To take care of me because I'm pitiful ?" He asked. He didn’t bother to conceal the bitterness in his voice, but at the very least the question was honest. What would Alastor have to win if Lucifer didn’t need help anymore ? 

The sinner looked at him with such a wounded look that for a moment Lucifer felt guilty, even though he had no idea what he was supposed to feel guilty for.

“Is that what you think that is ? That I think you are pitiful ?”Alastor asked him, his static stuttering weakly.

“Isn’t it ?” Lucifer asked. 

"I do not think you are pitiful, Lucifer. I feel compelled to help you because you are…precious. Important. Because you deserve it. You deserve everything.” The Radio Demon told him fiercely, completely unabashed and Lucifer’s breath caught in his throat.

He realized he had associated the idea of help with people asserting their dominance over him, like Lilith had done. Her help had never been free, and it had never been aimed to shift him towards any manner of autonomy. It had never occurred to him that Alastor might have wanted to help him because he thought he was precious and important. Because he was worthy of being helped. He stared at the sinner, completely at a loss for words.

"And I realize that my misguided attempt to shield you from more suffering had almost landed you in the very position your… she put you in. This just won’t do.” The Radio Demon muttered.

Lucifer stayed silent, his thoughts racing. Suddenly he felt compelled to tell Alastor something he had never shared with anyone else, but that some part of himself had always known.

“I’m scared of her. I’ve been for quite some time. If she comes back…”He couldn’t even finish that sentence. He didn’t know what he would do if she came back, whether he’d have to run away or fight her to protect their child.

“We will get you ready before she does. We will get Charlie ready. She won’t get to you ever again, no matter what happens.“ The Radio Demon decided. His tone was urgent, and it sounded a bit like he was scared of Lilith too, a fear that seemed to run deeper than met the eye, even though to Lucifer’s knowledge the sinner and his ex-wife had never met.

Lucifer felt highly strung and thought he was about to regurgitate his own heart. He needed to find a sense of calm again. He needed certainty. He needed-

"Alastor ?" Lucifer asked and the Radio Demon flinched, as though he'd just been zapped and Lucifer realized it was because he seldom addressed him by his name.

"Yes, Dear ?" He inquired, his static so soft it sounded more like rainfall.

"I can trust you, can't I ?" Lucifer suddenly inquired, turning his tired gaze towards the sinner who stiffened and widened his eyes. As though it was the most important question of his entire existence. 

"I hope you can." He replied, and Lucifer looked into his eyes even harder, as though he could unravel the inner workings of his mind if he looked hard enough. 

"What did you really come here for ?" He asked, and for reasons that still escaped him his pulse quickened ever so slightly. 

Alastor looked back, looking tired and defeated. 

"It doesn't matter now." And he said it with such broken, devastating honesty that Lucifer had no choice but to believe it.

"What matters then ?" He inquired, 

" You .”

Lucifer didn’t know what to think or what to do. He felt lost and adrift, and in desperate need of anchoring. He looked at Alastor and couldn’t quite believe what he was about to tell him. 

"Ask me again." He ordered weakly. 

"Ask you...what ?" Alastor inquired, but Lucifer suspected he understood perfectly fine because he took a step closer, seemingly without even registering it. 

"You know what. What you wanted from me, ask for it again." Lucifer told him. 

Before I lose my nerve.

There was a flicker of doubt in his eyes and for a moment Lucifer wondered what kind of existence the demon must have led until now. To believe Lucifer could ever be so cruel as to make him ask for something he desperately wanted, just to deny him afterwards. 

He'd been so focused on his own feelings of wariness towards Alastor it somehow escaped him that the Radio Demon, too, had to learn how to trust him. 

For some reason realizing that they were on equal footing in that regard eased something inside him.Took away some of the discomfort that was brought forth by the knowledge that Alastor was so much further into this relationship than he was. 

"It's ok." He told him as he caught the Radio Demon's uncertain gaze. "You can ask".

"Lucifer…may I hold you ?" Alastor murmured, his eyes seeking his own. Now that he was closer Lucifer suddenly realized that while they were glowing a scarlet red, the irises underneath were a rich chestnut brown. He wondered if it had been their colour while he was alive, and blinked when he remembered he’d just been asked a question.

"Yes."

He was impressed by the level of restraint Alastor showed when approaching him, when it was clear by the desperation in his gaze that all he wanted to do was to lunge himself at Lucifer and wrap himself around him like a deranged octopus. Instead he got closer deliberately, painstakingly slowly, until he was well and truly in his personal space.

And he took him in his arms.

Lucifer had expected it to feel uncomfortable and awkward, like absolutely everything had been between them since this whole debacle began. 

But Alastor's grasp wasn't cold or limp like he would have assumed from someone like him. His hands were warm and firm, one securely wrapping around his back while the other settled in his hair and he slightly bent down so Lucifer's face could slot itself in his neck.

The shuddering sigh the sinner emitted was pure relief, as though he was finally able to breath after months of being deprived of oxygen. The clawed hand that had buried itself in his hair gently started combing through the golden stands, applying the barest scrap of claws that made Lucifer shiver in pleasure. 

To his surprise he felt himself being manoeuvred back and forth and it took him a minute to realize that Alastor was rocking him. 

No one had ever held him like this, not Lilith, not Angel, not even Charlie. No one had ever shown him such raw, unfiltered affection, as though Lucifer was precious and irresistible and more than enough. 

He felt his eyes start to moisten, utterly overwhelmed and for some reason the only thing he could think of to ground himself was to wrap his own arms around Alastor's waist and cling to him like a limpet. They were completely pressed against one another now, and Lucifer tried to focus his attention on Alastor’s slightly irregular breathing, feeling the the way his chest rose and his stomach expanded with the intake of air, the way they constricted as he exhaled, the way his breath would tickle his hair as he did so. 

"You're trembling." Alastor observed, his words muffled by his hair. And it was strange to both hear and feel his voice against his scalp. 

Lucifer was trembling, but he could feel the tremor that coursed through the demon's back underneath his hands.

"So are you." He murmured.

"Yes." Alastor answered softly and Lucifer hid his moistening eyes in the fabric of his red shirt. He'd thought he was doing the Radio Demon a favour by accepting to be held, because it had been obvious he needed it. But maybe he’d been lying to himself. 

Maybe we both needed this after all.

"You smell so good." Alastor sighed as he buried his nose in his hair just behind his ear. Lucifer was shaking like a leaf, and couldn't help the shiver that ran down his spine when the nose nestled in his nape. 

"You smell like autumn." He blurted.

"Is that a bad thing ?" Alastor asked, as he idly combed through his tresses with both his hands,  before he slightly leaned away to look in his eyes. 

" No." Lucifer told him, and shivered once more when the sinner’s massive hands left his hair to cradle his face. 

Alastor looked dazed, his eyes on Lucifer’s face were hungry and almost feverish. In fact he looked exactly like he did that night, just before he-

“If you try to lick me again, I will kick you.” Lucifer deadpanned. 

“Duly noted.” The sinner wryly said, but he obligingly put some distance between his mouth and Lucifer’s face, in favour of cradling his head to his chest once again. Somehow returning in his embrace wasn’t as difficult as Lucifer would have thought it would be, and just like that, the ever present awkwardness was gone. 

We’re doing it. We’re having a moment.

He felt almost disgruntled when a moment later Alastor suddenly took him by the shoulders to gently but firmly push him away, and immediately felt mortified about it. 

He cast Alastor a questioning look and was actually concerned when he realized the Radio Demon’s breath was strained.

That’s when he noticed. 

Two symmetrical wet patches on the sinner’s shirt, right over his…

Oh. 

Ever since he’d discovered the nature of Alastor’s predicament he’d clung to the assumption that this unfortunate side effect of the Turning was completely unrelated to him and ultimately irrelevant to their dynamic. Had thought that Alastor was as disturbed by what it would imply as Lucifer was, and that he was doing both of them a favour by completely ignoring it. 

But from the mildly pleading look the sinner was giving him, with the corners of his mouth fighting to pull downward, it was suddenly obvious he had been deluding himself.

Alastor wanted this. 

Badly. 

He wanted Lucifer to-

“I can’t.” Lucifer told him, as gently but firmly as possible. Swallowing down his secondhand embarrassment.

I can’t. Not this.

“I know.” Alastor said and turned his gaze away as though he couldn’t bear to look at him. Maybe he really couldn’t, maybe Lucifer was making it worse just by being here. “You should go.” 

I really should.

Lucifer took several steps away from him, before turning back towards him with a questioning look. 

“See you tomorrow ?” He inquired. 

“Of course, my Dear.” Alastor offered, his expression undecipherable. 

***

He walked to his room in a daze, having momentarily forgotten he could have simply portaled back. 

“Lulu !” Angel exclaimed as he passed him in the corridor. But his smile quickly morphed into a grimace of worry once he saw Lucifer’s expression. “Are you alright ?” 

I just had the best hug of my life with Alastor but then he started lactating and everything got weird.

“...No.” Lucifer summarized. 

“Oh…that sucks. D’you wanna talk about it ?” his friend offered.

Did he want to tell Angel about his struggles as a grown man to conciliate the notion of breastfeeding with his budding friendship with another grown man ?

“Not really.” He said.

“Alright. Try to rest a little, you need your beauty sleep.” Angel told him, briefly ruffling his hair before going on his way. “We’ll talk tomorrow, yeah ?” 

“Alight.” 

But nothing will have changed tomorrow.

***

Sir Caraduck was waiting for him on the bed and threw him a questioning glance when Lucifer collapsed next to him. 

“You don’t want to know.” Lucifer told him firmly.

But Sir Caraduck’s gaze turned even more inquisitive.

“I’m being serious, it was one of the weirdest days of my life. And you know I’ve had a lot of those lately.” He insisted. Sir Caraduck didn’t seem deterred, and his expression was even more cajoling than before. 

He makes good points. 

“Alright, I’ll tell you. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He signed before sitting up.

Chapter Text

He woke up to the tickle of hair on his nose and was disoriented for a moment, because the last person with long hair he'd shared a bed with had been - 

Lilith. 

But his panic died down immediately when instead of his ex-wife's, it was his daughter's sweet face he found nestled on his chest while the rest of her bodt was clinging to Sir Caraduck.

Just as promised, Charlie had come to him immediately after Mina was once again settled in her room. They hadn't talked. Instead she'd silently crawled in his bed like she did when she was a child, and he'd settled next to her, caressing her hair until she fell asleep just like he did back then. 

He'd been surprised, when it became clear she wouldn't be going back to Vaggie that night, to the comfort of the life she'd built with her as an adult, far away from everything that had been her upbringing. 

Charlie hadn't wanted to be Charlie Morningstar: heir to the throne of Hell. Or Charlie Morningstar : owner of the Hazbin Hotel and Hell's only redemption advocate. She hadn't wanted to be anyone's girlfriend either.

When she'd come into his room yesterday she'd only been a child, seeking her father's warmth. 

But in a way he understood. They both were the only people who could empathize with what the other was feeling. At her most vulnerable and effectively deprived of one of the most important pillars of her life forever, it made sense that she’d seeked something that even the  warm embrace of her partner couldn’t provide. Something from the time she was small enough to fit in his arms, small enough to think that her father was her whole world, and that nothing bad could befall her if she was by his side. 

He could admit to himself that he too, had been in desperate need of anchoring yesterday. An anchoring that he found in the most unlikely arms, and he could seldom think about it without cringing in embarrassment.

 He couldn’t think about that, not now. 

"Dad ? Are you awake ?" Charlie whispered and Lucifer barely refrained from flinching in surprise.

He’d been so busy thinking of the past that he hadn't even registered his daughter had awoken. 

"I'm awake baby, how are you feeling ?" He whispered back, as though speaking normally would shatter them both in a hundred pieces. 

"I don't know." She admitted. She’d slept the entire night without waking up once, so deep in sleep she hadn’t moved or emitted a single sound. And yet she didn’t look rested, her gaze was tired and haunted, and it looked like a line of worry had appeared overnight between her brows. Somehow she looked older than she did yesterday, and he idly thought that anyone who didn’t know them would probably mistake them for siblings, rather than father and daughter. 

He didn’t know whether the youthful, carefree spark will ever return in her eyes and he almost regretted her learning the truth. But most of all he resented Lilith.

"Yeah. Me neither." He admitted softly as he gently untangled her golden strands with his fingers. The colour she had mostly inherited from Lilith, a different shade of blond than his own. But the texture was all him and he was certain that if his own hair was longer they’d stick every which way just like hers did. They stayed that way for a moment, staring at the ceiling with Lucifer petting her hair and Charlie idly playing with a button of his waistcoat.

He hadn’t even removed it before going to sleep. But it didn’t matter, all that mattered was Charlie. 

"Dad, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..." She said with a small voice.

"You have nothing to be sorry for sweetie.” He declared fiercely.

"But dad, I believed her. And I'm sorry that even after I discovered who she was I'd been willing to believe you just abandoned me, that you didn't care about me enough to fight for me.” She choked, and for a moment Lucifer was worried she was about to cry. Again. But it seemed like she didn’t have any tears left after yesterday, and her eyes stayed stubbornly dry. 

"You were a child, it was never your responsibility to ensure your own well-being. It was ours. It was mine, and I failed. I'm the one who should be sorry, I thought you deserved better than this.” He said, and made a vague gesture to encompass the secluded space of his room. “Better than me." 

“There wasn’t better than you dad. I keep wondering, what if I stayed with you instead ? Maybe we could have figured out something else, we could have…”She insisted, and he could see the cogs of her mind being put in motion as she frowned. He straightened up and put his finger on the little crease, right between her eyes.

"Stop it Charlie. You can remake the world with What-ifs, but it won’t change anything. We are here right now, we have to move forward.” Or the world will move on and leave you behind, Dear. 

How ironic, that the phrase Lilith so often used to taunt him was now resurfacing from his memories, no longer filling him with anxiety and shame, but with the sheer need to fight and prove her wrong. 

.

"Do you think she ever loved us ?"His daughter murmured, and his heart sank.

That was the question he'd hoped she'd never ask, the question that had plagued his nights ever since he started uncovering who his wife had really been. Or rather who she hadn’t been, everything of importance he’d believed about her had been a lie and any certainty he might have had regarding her had vanished, leaving a blank slate in its place. 

"I don't know, Charlie. I think...I think she must have thought she did, which probably isn't what you wanted to hear, but sometimes things are...messy." He murmured.

He would have preferred to tell himself that Lilith had never felt anything for him or their child. It would have made things easier. But as he recalled the endless nights they spent talking in Eden, and later on adoring each other’s bodies.The little, endeared looks she’d sometimes throw him over the table after he'd made her laugh by accident. He knew there must have been more, at least at some point. 

But he now realized it was never enough. There was something broken in Lilith, something that had already taken root even before they met. 

Lucifer had always felt different and inadequate amongst the other angels, but he'd felt secure with the purpose he’d been created to fulfill.

What must Lilith have felt, when it became clear that her own purpose was to serve somebody else's ? To have no value as an individual, other than what her body could offer others ? Maybe it was the sheer powerlessness she'd felt that made her seek always more power, always more control. Maybe there was a tear, a break inside her that nothing and no one could ever mend. Not even him. Not even Charlie. 

“But it doesn't matter though, baby.” He added, her eyes searching hers. “Whatever she felt, or feels, it doesn’t change what she’s done. When you love someone you don’t hurt them. And I don’t…it would ultimately be your decision, if you wanted to forgive her when.. if she ever comes back, but I would prefer if you never tried to contact her again. Do you understand ?” He asked, struggling to keep his voice firm and even.

He saw something break in his daughter’s gaze and understood at once that as strange as it was, she probably hadn’t correlated what happened with the notion of never seeing her mother again. 

He understood what she was feeling too well. The conversation from yesterday had been one of those pivotal moments that he knew would change his entire existence, forever. He was ashamed to admit it, even to himself, but while he'd been aware that Lilith had been abusive before Mina provided the last piece of the puzzle, he hadn't been ready to confront what it meant . 

Had Lilith come back before that, with no doubts a perfectly believable explanation, sweet words and all the familiarity born of millennia spent side by side, he might have forgiven her. Might have believed her lies. One part of him had been reluctant, and in a way too lazy to rearrange his reality.

The reality that everything they had been, and could have been, would be gone. The person he thought he was by her side, the future he’d planned for them both. Each and every single one of the conversations they never got to finish.Gone. It would be like reading a book only to discover near the end that the last pages were ripped off.

“But dad, I’ll never see her again…”She whispered in a trembling voice, and he took her in his arms. She had her own unfinished story with Lilith and they will need to learn how to be ok with it. Together.

“I know.”He replied in her hair.

And he held her until she wasn’t trembling anymore, until she didn’t look like she would completely unravel outside the circle of his arms. 

"Dad ?” She finally inquired, her voice tired but less shaky than before. “Do you think you can come to breakfast today ? I know we've only agreed to lunch, but it...it would mean a lot...if you were here today." 

Lucifer forced himself to relax, to not let himself get overwhelmed by the additional pressure of having to eat two meals instead of one and actually pondered the question. He was a little bit hungry, not enough to have warranted doing something about it until lunch, but he had noticed that he was developing an appetite these past few days. 

"I think so. It’s a bit soon, but the Bellhop is probably already there.”He murmured, and noted with a frown that calling Alastor the Bellhop felt wrong now. Alien, like the title belonged to another Radio Demon who didn’t exist anymore, and it was too small to fit the one who was actually there. 

“Actually dad, I was wondering if you could make pancakes. Alastor can cook the usual, but I…I’d like the pancakes, like you used to make….before.” She muttered, and he chuckled at the hesitation in her voice, like he wouldn’t offer her the whole world if she asked, let alone a handful of pancakes. 

Especially now

“Of course sweetie.”

***

He’d entrusted his Charlie to Vaggie before heading to the kitchen, and the fallen angel had convinced him once again that she was a perfect fit for his daughter. She hadn’t seemed put out or resentful to have been excluded from yesterday’s conversation, or that Charlie had decided to spend the night with her father. And Lucifer had once again been reminded of how ultimately dysfunctional his relationship with Lilith had been. His wife had always taken everything he did personally, always made everything he was feeling about herself.

But it was obvious from the way Vaggie had taken his daughter in her arms that the only thing on her mind had been Charlie’s well being and nothing else. To this surprise the fallen angel had pulled him into an embrace as soon as she’d released his daughter, as though they were both equally deserving of her protection.

They’d left him in the corridor so they could go wake up the others and he’d begrudgingly dragged himself down to the kitchen like he was headed for the gallows. 

He opened the door cautiously, as though he might find a dangerous warzone on the other side, and instead had his nostrils assaulted by a delicious smell.

"Lucifer...Hello. Why, I didn't know you were capable of waking up so soon, did you fall out of bed Dear ?" The Radio Demon mocked, without turning to look at him.

Lucifer felt strangely unbalanced, he’d been unsure on how to approach Alastor after what happened yesterday and the snarky attitude wasn’t helping. 

Somehow he wished he would just turn around to look at him. 

"Hello, I-Yeah you could say...that."He replied, hating how unsure and gauche he sounded, like he was intruding on the man’s territory even though it was his kitchen that he built. 

The sinner was facing the stove and frying sausages, tomatoes and bacon in three different skillets while four of his shadow tendrils were extended towards the kitchen counter and preparing what looked like omelette batter with quick, efficient movements. 

Lucifer watched the appendages work with undisguised fascination. They were seemingly completely independent from the rest of Alastor and he wondered if the sinner could even see what he was doing with his back turned.

He frowned as one of the tendrils approached him curiously, lifting itself to his level like a snake. It looked slimy from up close, and it was probably thanks to the magic that none of the inky black substance ever got in the food. The limb gently pointed at something behind him before curling on itself almost shyly and Lucifer realized he was probably standing in its way. 

"Oh... Sorry." He told it, dumbly, before stepping to the side. He doubted the tendrils were sentient, like Alastor's shadow minions were, but it looked so expressive Lucifer hadn't thought twice about addressing it. 

As though to prove him right, the slimy appendage wiggled from side to side, as though shaking its head to dismiss his apology, before reaching for a jar of herbs behind him. 

Oh my god, it's polite.  

“Are you planning on standing there all day Lucifer ? Not that I mind performing for an audience, Dear, but I assume you did not come to witness my cooking prowess ?” Alastor inquired tensely, without. Looking. At. Him.

Lucifer suddenly identified the emotion that had been twisting his stomach ever since he got into the kitchen. 

Hurt. He was hurt. Hurt to be treated so coldly after allowing himself to be so vulnerable yesterday.

“The…Charlie requested pancakes and I was wondering if you'd be open to sharing the kitchen. I know you could probably make some but she…she said she wanted mine.” He explained, sounding less and less convincing the more he talked. 

Alastor finally turned around fully to look at him, his eyes cold and smile inscrutable, and it seemed impossible that it was the same man who had taken him in his arms so tenderly the night before. Lucifer’s attention was drawn to the sinner’s blessedly dry chest next, and he felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. 

Nope. Don’t go there.

He chose instead to focus his gaze on what the sinner was wearing, it was an apron that said Don't Kiss The Cook, and he had to smother an hysterical giggle at the implication. 

Yeah. I don't think anyone needed the warning.

Lucifer grimaced as he briefly wondered if someone had tried before. Lucifer reasoned that anyone bold enough to risk it must have been suicidal. And blind. Even without the filter of their previous animosity, Lucifer could tell that Alastor was objectively the least kissable being ever to manifest in Hell. 

Then again, up until yesterday he'd thought that he was the least huggable being too. And yet-

No. 

The Radio Demon inspected him silently, as though he was considering simply chasing Lucifer out of his kitchen, before relenting with a sigh.

“It’s no bother, Dear. You can take the counter, I’m almost done.”He offered, his tone more neutral than cold now. 

Lucifer conjured his own utensils, for fear of borrowing something the Radio Demon might need and overlooking the Decorum of Kitchen Etiquette.

“Your minions are not here ?” He inquired mildly, his heart stuttering.

“No.” Alastor replied, and didn’t give him any other explanation. 

Lucifer felt another pang discomfort. It dawned on him that it was probably thanks to the Radio Demon’s unwavering gentleness and patience with him that they were able to have remotely successful, if awkward, interactions until now. With that gone, they were back to being like oil and water. 

Lucifer animated the kitchen utensils with less flourish than if he’d been alone, making himself as small as possible in the corner of the kitchen so as to not get in the way of either Alastor or his shadow tendrils, though they seemed content to work around him as though he’d always been there. 

He reached in the pantry to collect the dry ingredients and the eggs, the only thing he needed from the fridge being-

The milk.

NO.

If Alastor was bothered by the team of inanimate objects that were making pancakes next to him he showed nothing, and they both finished their respective recipes in cold, awkward silence. 

***

He was so relieved to see his shadow minion he had to restrain himself from whisking it in his arms. His glacial interaction with Alastor earlier had left him high strung, insecure and miserable. Especially after how he’d made him feel yesterday. 

But the creature seemed as eager to see him as it had the day before. It hastily placed the plate of sausages it had been carrying on the table before climbing the back of Lucifer’s chair and wrapping itself around his neck. 

Lucifer allowed himself to relax in its grasp, and turned his attention away from its mercurial master to focus on his plate of pancakes. He drizzled a mix of maple syrup, melted butter and vanilla on them, before passing the sauce pitcher to his daughter. 

“They smell amazing !” Charlie explained as she poured what seemed like gallons of the sticky substance on her tower of pancakes and Lucifer smiled. Charlie was the only one who only had pancakes on her plate, but he was pleased to see that everyone had helped themselves to his creations and that there weren’t any left. 

“For real, why have you been gatekeeping this recipe for so long Lulu ! I wanna eat those pancakes everyday from now on !” Angel exclaimed, before sobering when he realized what he just said.”I mean, whenever you feel like it, y’know ? No pressure.” Lucifer’s eyes went from Angel to his daughter, who was trying to hide her hopeful look. 

“It’s ok, I’ll think about it.” Lucifer replied with a smile, and his friend relaxed visibly before resuming his conversation with Husk.

They were both seated on the opposite side of the table and for some reason seemed to have trouble eating and kept having fun at the other’s expense when they kept dropping the content of their forks or spoons back on their plates.

“You’re such a mess.” Husk complained, but he was purring and Lucifer thought he could see the barest shadow of a smile on his lips, which for the bartender was probably equivalent to frolicking and singing in a field from sheer happiness. 

“You have no idea...” Angel cooed, before winking at him. 

Why are they eating with one hand ? 

With a frown Lucifer bent down to peer under the table, as surreptitiously as he could and discovered with astonishment that they were holding hands.The shadow minion had bent down with him and was also looking at the scene with an expression of exaggerated shock that reminded Lucifer of The Scream by Edvard Munch.

He straightened up and silently willed the minion to act normal, but couldn’t stop smiling at himself.

He did tell Husk he likes his ass after all.

Lucifer resumed his eating, and mused that almost exactly one month ago he’d sat at this very table, feeling inadequate, miserable and surrounded by strangers. And now he could confidently call most of them his friends, with apparently the exception of one sulky Radio Demon.

"HOLY SHIT !" Angel shrieked next to Husk and Lucifer almost jumped out of his seat. When he looked over to him he realized his friend had spilled his chowder all over the table and was pointing a trembling finger at something spherical and milky white like a quail’s egg. Except it had tiny blood vessels that-

Oh. 

“It’s an eye ! It’s a fucking eye !” Angel squawked, manically rubbing his tongue on a napkin. He then turned to the only person who could be responsible, along with everyone else at the table. 

“You !” Angel accused as he pointed at Alastor, whose smile widened with delight.

"Oh come now ! Where is your sense of humour ?" He exclaimed.

"Where... who ..." Angel was wheezing, bent over with his hands on his knees like he'd just run a marathon and looking at Alastor with downright murderous eyes. 

"Nobody you know. Probably." The Radio Demon crooned, and snickered when Angel gagged again.

"You know I'll get you back for this. Asshole."The spider demon hissed, and Lucifer had absolutely no doubt that he was serious. 

"I look forward to it, Dear !" Alastor exclaimed, and his smile widened when Angel left the room, Husk hot on his heels. 

There was an uncomfortable silence, during which anyone left at the table anxiously looked at their plates to make sure it had the proper amount of eyes, which was zero. 

"Awww, I didn’t get one. I guess I Iost ?" Niffty whined, when it became clear her omelette was decidedly eyeless. 

“Niffty this isn’t a game, this is just Alastor being a creep.”Vaggie sighed.

The Radio Demon at least had the decency to look sheepish when he caught Lucifer's irritated gaze. 

"It came from a goat." The sinner offered haughtily, before once again turning away from him.

To his credit it made one for Lucifer, but he doubted that Angel will see it that way when he tells him later. Somehow he knew Alastor should have let yesterday's offense go. He was a fearsome enemy in the battlefield but without the advantage of raw power Lucifer suspected Angel could out-petty him any day. 

He also had yet to understand why seeing Angel be physically affectionate with him seemed to cause such a strong reaction in the Radio Demon. Not that it mattered now, because the sinner was apparently giving him the cold shoulder now.And he suddenly wondered if Alastor would really be childish enough to punish him just because he hadn’t wanted to-

No. 

His string of thoughts was lost when he inspected the Alastor’s plate despite himself and noted with astonishment that it contained a half eaten pancake. Just one. But the fact that it was even there called into question everything he thought he knew about the sinner.

“You…You tried one ?” Lucifer asked him in a small voice, trying and failing to conceal how invested he was in the answer. 

Why do I even care ?

“Only by curiosity, I detest sweet things.” Alastor replied, but his whole face softened when he took in Lucifer’s expression. “I do have to admit they were decently made.” He added, static crackling like burning wood in a fireplace. 

His minion gently nuzzled his face, and suddenly it felt like Lucifer was able to breathe again. 

“Well,make sure to enjoy, that’s the only thing I know how to make.” He muttered with difficulty with his cheek squished against the creature’s tiny face.

“You cannot be serious.At your age, how come you never learned to do anything else ?” Alastor asked incredulously. 

He probably hadn’t meant to sound condescending or mocking, but that didn’t stop Lucifer from wilting under his gaze like a flower under too much sun, his cheeks burning with shame.

“I…I don’t know, it just wasn’t done.” He admitted dejectedly.

He’d never exactly been allowed to go to the kitchen because Lilith had forbidden the staff from interacting with him, and hadn’t approved of him doing things she judged beneath his position. It was a small miracle in itself that she’d even allowed him to care for their child instead of handing Charlie over to a battalion of nannies, though it was probably because she’d suspected it was the only subject on which he would have fought her.

“Who taught you ?” Lucifer asked Alastor, almost defensively. 

"My mother." the sinner said, and something seemed to click in his eyes.

Lucifer didn't have a mother. He didn't have parents. He had manifested into this world with a single purpose, and hadn't had anybody to teach him how to care for himself after the Fall.

"Would you like to learn ?" The Radio Demon suddenly asked, his tone still wary but considerably gentler than before.

Lucifer looked at him incredulously. No one had ever offered to teach him how to do anything, whether because they didn’t know he was struggling or because they were scared of Lilith. And he had realized the life he had led with her left him completely unprepared to be both a monarch and an adult. Learning how to cook wouldn’t solve Hell’s problems, but it would be…something. A tiny step towards autonomy.

“Please.” He murmured

“Very well. It’s still early you should…rest, a bit more, I will come get you in an hour.” Alastor offered.

It was like he had thawed completely, like his snarky attitude had been a facade and it had simply melted away. When his gaze met Lucifer’s he looked both resigned and relieved.

“Understood.” Lucifer told him.

For some reason he felt stupidly relieved, too.

***

Lucifer looked from left to right as he and Alastor walked down the corridor, with all the other sinners out he was fearing that he might run into Mina, sooner or later. And it didn’t help to know that he might not even see her, if they happened to be in the same room. 

But they only encountered two familiar shapes when they entered the lobby.

“Hello Torvis.” Lucifer greeted as he passed the two sinners.

“Hello Your Majesty.” They replied. 

“Good morning, ladies !” Alastor said, and Lucifer rolled his eyes at the demon’s insistance to call every women he meet ladies. 

“Hello, Smeagol.” They deadpanned before they disappeared in the library.

“Who ?”

Oh no. It’s spreading.

“ Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” He told him, before ushering him to the kitchen. 

Chapter Text

Lucifer suddenly understood why Alastor didn’t summon his minions unless absolutely necessary. Managing them seemed like a total nightmare.

His own minion was hanging on his arm like a monkey, seemingly unbothered to be the only one that wasn’t working. Near the stove the bigger, surly faced minion was pouring what looked like some sort of beans in boiling water. But when Lucifer approached to see what it was doing it attempted to shoo him away with a dish rag. 

It looked particularly wary and distrustful of him today, for some reason.  

He watched with amusement as his minion picked up a celery branch from the counter and pointed it menacingly at the other creature, apparently ready to defend his honour.

“My apologies, they are not used to having anyone else working in the kitchen. There is nothing much I can do about their embarrassing behaviour.” Alastor said, casting both the minions a withering look that didn’t seem to intimidate them at all. “But I can dismiss them if you’d prefer.” 

“No, don’t !” Lucifer told him. “I-I like the animation.” 

I also don’t like the prospect of being alone with you, you’re mean in the kitchen.

There were two other minions apart from the ones he’d already interacted with. A thin, lanky one that was busy preparing some sort of roux and didn't pay Lucifer any mind. But another, pudgier one was casting him shy looks from the pantry.It looked friendly enough, and Lucifer wondered if it would come to greet him, but the creature averted its gaze and hid its face behind a bottle of olive oil as soon as it noticed it had been spotted.

“Don’t be fooled by his little act, once he approaches you you will never get rid of him.” Alastor warned him wryly as he followed his gaze.

“What ? Why ? What does it do ?” Lucifer inquired, barely keeping his curiosity in check. His minion once again demanded his attention by tugging on his sleeve, apparently displeased to have been overshadowed. Lucifer gave it a little pat on the head. He wasn’t as concerned about handling what was essentially the sinner’s heart as he used to be, he suspected he might have simply gotten very good at compartmentalizing. The creature was simply so adorable he could manage to forget where it came from, if he put his mind into it. 

“All in due time dear, as of now I cannot afford to have you distract any more of my minions or I’ll have to do everything myself !”Alastor bemoaned, but there was no bite in his words. Whatever has come into him before breakfast didn’t seem to affect him anymore. But Lucifer noticed the Radio Demon still looked…cautious. Like a person trying to move whilst being mindful of a broken bone or a wound. 

Lucifer for his part thought he was being dramatic. The Milking Incident : The Sequel™ was in the past, if they both ignored it and made sure it didn’t happen again, all will be well. They could have something normal, they just both needed to be careful. 

“I was wondering how many you had.” Lucifer suddenly asked to distract himself, while pointing to the four creatures. “I remember seeing those four during lunch. But those are all-” He began, before he realized he hadn’t exactly thought his idea through. He couldn’t think of a way to convey his point that wouldn’t be at least somewhat insulting.

Those are all harmless, and none are psychopathic like you. 

“...mundane ?” Lucifer offered, hesitantly. But from the way his static stuttered, Alastor wasn’t fooled.

“You mean they aren’t evil. Is that it, Dear ?”The sinner said bitterly, and Lucifer felt moderately embarrassed to have broached the subject.

However the truth remained. Alastor was evil, it wasn’t up for interpretation, so why wasn’t this part of himself present in any of the creatures that were supposed to reflect his psyche ?

“Yes. Kind of.” He admitted, dejectedly. 

Alastor sighed with an uncomfortable smile, and briefly looked at the minion that was still clinging to Lucifer’s arm, as though it might have the answer. 

“There are others. But I keep them separated from the rest, they cannot be controlled. They are different. Unpredictable.” He explained, and Lucifer’s blood ran cold at the tone of his voice. How terrifying must those creatures be, if Alastor himself admitted to being unable to control them ? 

“Will they ever come out ?” Lucifer inquired cautiously. He didn’t know how he felt about his daughter living in close proximity with what Alastor was describing. But surely whatever the sinner was doing to keep them at bay must be working, because nothing happened until now. 

“They will never see you again. Not if I can help it.” Alastor told him through gritted teeth, his voice almost drowned by the screech of his feedback. 

The wording made him pause. It implied that Lucifer had already met them.

Lucifer frowned confusedly, because to his knowledge he hadn’t met any more minions, or at least none that looked like the four creatures before him. 

But he did recall something. That night, what felt like an eternity ago, when he’d sought out Alastor after the sinner had almost destroyed the hotel.The suffocating, malevolent darkness that had engulfed him as soon as he’d stepped into the demon’s room. Whispering to him, wrapping itself around him covetously like it had wanted to devour him. 

They hadn’t attacked him that day. They had submitted to his will and disappeared. But he now realized he may have simply gotten lucky.

“I won’t let them touch you again. You do not belong with them, you belong somewhere clean.” Alastor told him.

Lucifer frowned puzzedly. Alastor never acted ashamed or remorseful of his nature, and never seemed to care about what other people thought of him. But apparently it was different when it came to Lucifer. It occurred to him that it might be for this very reason that the sinner was at peace with never seeing his mother again, notwithstanding the fact that she was allegedly the only person he ever loved.

The Radio Demon was a walking contradiction. Lucifer had always thought love and goodness went hand in hand, that an evil person couldn’t possibly know how to love another. And yet here was the irrefutable evidence to the contrary. Not only could Alastor love, but he loved fiercely and without reservation. So much in fact, that he was willing to protect those he loved even from himself.

Suddenly Lucifer realized something else that had slipped from his mind since the day before. 

“Is that why you didn’t want me to come with you to search for Mina ? Because you were about to unleash those…things ?” He probed.

“I do not call upon them unless absolutely necessary, but they are the source of my power. Had this little worm still been in Pentagram City, they would have found her no matter how fast she ran or how well she hid.”Alastor told him, a dangerous glint in his eyes.

Lucifer shuddered, and was once again very glad he was the one who found Mina, before those creatures did. 

“Shall we begin ?” Alastor inquired after clearing his throat and moving to the sink. 

Please yes. 

“I trust that you know how to wash your hands, Dear ?” Alastor drawled and Lucifer cast him an unamused look. 

“Yeah, I think I got that part down.”He said, before gently depositing his minion on the counter and ignoring its protest. 

But as he approached the sink he realized washing his hands in front of Alastor would mean also taking his ring off in front of him. It was stupid really, but he hadn’t been able to take it off, this was the last remnant of the person he had been with Lilith, the last step before he moved on completely.

"Give it to me, you don't want it to fall into the sink by accident." Alastor offered, and Lucifer hesitated. It wasn’t as though it would be gone forever. Lucifer would get it back, wouldn’t be forced to do anything he wasn’t ready for. This was temporary. 

He swiveled the ring around his finger several times, before finally removing it. He was almost surprised when the piece of jewellery actually slid off his finger, as though he’d half expected it to be some sort of cursed artefact designed to keep him shackled forever.

He let the ring fall into the sinner's upturned palm, making sure not to touch his skin, and Alastor silently pocketed it. He should have been more reluctant to hand something so valuable to someone like Alastor, but as he watched the sinner pocket the ring he somehow had the feeling like he had ridden him of a burden instead. He wondered if the Radio Demon could feel its weight. 

He wondered if it felt as heavy as it had on his finger. 

He silently took off his gloves and shoved it in his pockets before washing his hands as quickly and efficiently as possible under Alastor’s scrutiny. It was like he never saw anyone wash their hands before. 

"Your hands are white." The Radio Demon remarked with furrowed brows as he handed Lucifer a tea towel to dry them with. 

"Yes." Lucifer told him warily, his eyes not leaving Alastor’s face.

He never took off his gloves in public. Everything about his outfit had been carefully designed to give the sinners the illusion that he was as demonic as the rest of them. That he was a demon in his own right, fit to rule them, instead of a failed angel who was cast down here with them as a punishment. Way out of his depth, and no more deserving of ruling Hell than a goldfish was of ruling the aquarium it was trapped in. 

"And I don't have hooves either." He felt compelled to add when Alastor didn't say anything, still focused on his hands like they were the most fascinating things he’d ever seen in his entire life. 

"They look so fragile." The Radio Demon said, as though he hadn't heard him, and Lucifer rolled his eyes. 

Oh boy, here we go. 

On the bright side, Alastor hadn't been judging his legitimacy as a demon at all. There simply must have been something about seeing Lucifer's hands naked and vulnerable that switched on his maternal instincts. There probably wasn't a single rational thought in his head right now. 

“Stop staring at them !”Lucifer deadpanned.

“My apologies.” The sinner offered, but he didn’t tear his gaze away from his hands and Lucifer put them behind his back with a sigh. 

“Can we move on now ?” Lucifer asked 

“Of course.” Alastor conceded, finally snapping out of his hyperfixation to Lucifer's relief. “Come near me.” He added, as he moved away from the sink and towards the counter. 

Lucifer complied, but acknowledged how strange it was that Alastor could now ask him that and it wouldn’t end up in a flat-out rejection. 

“This recipe has a fairly simple flavour profile so we will stick to three spices. You will need kosher salt, which is already on the counter. Cayenne pepper, onion powder and garlic powder which are on that shelf over there.” Alastor instructed. 

To Lucifer’s horror there were at least thirty jars of spices on the rack, none of them labeled.

Is this some sort of test ? 

The Cayenne pepper was easy enough to find with its reddish hue. He hesitantly pointed dumbly at a golden powder that looked like it could be garlic while looking at Alastor, and the Radio Demon nodded. 

Which left the onion. He grabbed another bottle containing a light powder and the sinner clicked his tongue disapprovingly.

"No. That is the cardamom, that would be insane."The Radio Demon scoffed. 

Lucifer nodded sheepishly and was about to place it on the nearest empty space he found on the shelf when Alastor stopped him again. 

"Please put it back where you found it, I have a system." He  declared.

What system ? Entropy ?

“ Why didn’t you take them yourself then ?” Lucifer complained, not bothering to conceal his growing irritation. 

“Because I want you to be able to locate them, should you attempt to make this recipe again. I was serious about teaching you, so don’t expect me to do everything in your place.” The demon told him. “And take the flour while you are at it, it’s in the pantry.”

This isn’t teaching, this is just an asshole ordering me around. 

But he still did as requested, He poured the flour cautiously into a bowl, just as Alastor instructed., casting a wary glance at Alastor to see if he would actually tell him he was pouring it wrong. It was only when he was about to sprinkle the garlic powder in the mix that the sinner interrupted him again.

“Wait .” The Radio Demon ordered him calmly, and Lucifer almost threw the powder at him. 

“ What ?” He hissed. 

“Always smell the spices first, you want to use all your senses while you are cooking. My mother could identify all the spices in a recipe using only her nose !” Alastor announced proudly.

“I know what garlic and onions smell like, I’m not an idiot !” Lucifer sighed. But he complied and gave each spice a little sniff, before handing them to his minion that was still perched on the kitchen counter so it could smell them as well. When the creature nodded approvingly he added a teaspoon of each into the bowl. The pepper had been unsurprising and so had the garlic, but the onion powder surprised him. He realized that it smelled sweeter than fresh or even cooked onions, devoid of heat. He mixed the dry ingredients together with a fork before looking expectantly at Alastor. 

“Now put it to the side and take the cutting board, you are going to dice the vegetables. I need some too, so I'll show you how it is done, and then it will be your turn. Is that alright ?" Alastor asked curtly. 

"Yes. I think, just...go slow ?"Lucifer said hesitantly. He should have expected the sinner to turn into a drill sergeant in the kitchen and he didn’t fancy being yelled at or treated like an idiot because he couldn’t follow the instruction

. 

Why is it even important ? You’re an adult and a King, if you don’t like his attitude just leave. 

"Of course, Lucifer.” The Radio Demon replied, his tone softer. His shadow minion that was still on the counter gently took his hand, as though to reassure him. 

Alastor rolled back his sleeves, and Lucifer tried to not gawk at the countless scars that littered his dark forearms, nor the strange way the ruined skin gradually morphed into a thin, tawny fur the higher it went. 

Using a sharp knife, the sinner sliced off the stem of a bell pepper and placed it face-down on the cutting board so that the bottom was facing up.He then used his knife to make four vertical slices where the natural indentations in the vegetable occured. And Lucifer watched, fascinated, as he used his hands to open it as though it was a flower. After separating the four wedges, the Radio Demon was left with the stem, with all of the seeds still attached, that he removed with ease. 

He then used his knife to cut the vegetable into stripes, turning them horizontally and dicing them into tiny cubes. Slow at first so that Lucifer could see what he was doing, and then so fast that it seemed a miracle that none of his fingers ever got into the food.

Though after what happened at breakfast Lucifer mused that if it was to ever happen it likely wouldn't be an accident. 

Alastor peeled and cut a carrot lengthwise, then into stripes, then diced it and did the same with a branch of celery. However Lucifer noted he didn’t keep the leaves. Instead he handed it to his minion that placed it in a bowl containing several vegetable scraps. 

"This doesn't go into the recipe, but I will use it to make broth later." He told Lucifer  

He then cut an onion in half and placed the cut side flat on the cutting board, before slicing off the top and peeling off the skin. But he left the root still attached.

"Why don't you cut it off ?" Lucifer inquired.

"This will help stabilize the onion while I slice through it, Dear." Alastor replied as he made three horizontal and vertical cuts into it, and sure enough the layers stayed in place. ‘It was also a clever little hack of my mother’s to avoid teary eyes.” 

He turned the onion so that the root end was furthest from the knife and chopped downwards with a slicing motion. 

Lucifer watched him do it with keen interest, and had to admit to himself that the Radio Demon's movements were incredibly graceful. It was difficult to imagine that those same hands had killed, maimed and probably eviscerated people before. 

"Are you listening, Dear ?" Alastor said, and there was a hint of smugness in his voice that made it clear he’d recognized Lucifer’s begrudging admiration. 

"What ?" Lucifer muttered, blushing bright gold when he realized he'd been so fascinated by the sinner's hands he entered some sort of trance-like state and stopped listening to him. The constant, soft buzzing of static didn’t help either. 

"I was telling you that this," He gestured at the vegetables on the cutting board." Is called the Holy Trinity, it is the foundation of Cajun and Creole cuisine, I use it as a base for a lot of my recipes." 

"Oh...but didn't you put carrot in the soup as well ?" Lucifer inquired.

"Quite right. If you swap the bell pepper with carrot it becomes Mirepoix, but I happened to use both in this recipe because I needed to pack as many vegetables as I could into this." Alastor sighed. Lucifer shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, recalling  at once that the Radio Demon had created that recipe for him . With his well-being in mind.

"Now, I am going to give you the knife. Please, do try not to cut off one of your fingers Dear, nor any other body parts. With your current size we cannot afford to lose anymore of you, or I'm afraid you'll turn invisible." The sinner said lightly, and Lucifer wrinkled his nose.

"It would grow back eventually, also unless I somehow manage to cut off my head I won't be getting any shorter !" He exclaimed, but his aggravation died down when he saw Alastor's whole face harden with worry.

"I do not care that it would grow back. I want you uninjured, do you understand ?"The Radio Demon asked, his tone was stern and thickly ladened with static and for a moment Lucifer was convinced he would actually confiscate the knife. 

“Fine ! I’ll be careful.” He relented, begrudgingly. 

Alastor handed him the knife by the blade so that Lucifer could grab it by the handle, as though he didn’t care if he got cut. 

He took it cautiously and was about to slice through the bell pepper when the Radio Demon interrupted him again.

"Stop."Alastor ordered. 

"What is wrong now ?"Lucifer whined, at this rate they’ll still be here tomorrow.

"You are holding it wrong. Your fingers shouldn’t be extended that way, they should be curled up so that the blade will slide against your knuckles instead of your fingertips.” Alastor said as he pointed at the top of his slender fingers. 

“Oh…”Lucifer replied, as his hand assumed the correct position. It felt less natural to do so, but he had to admit that it would be more difficult to cut his fingers that way. “Like so ?”

“Yes. Excellent.” Alastor told him and Lucifer cleared his throat, flustered. He tore his attention away from the Radio Demon and endeavoured to mimic what he saw him do earlier. To his disappointment and frustration his wedges were way less even than Alastor’s had been, and his bell pepper looked nothing like a flower.

“This is fine Dear.” Alastor told him as he inspected his handiwork from behind his shoulder.“You are going to dice it anyway. Now cut it into stripes and then dice it, like I showed you.” 

Lucifer did as ordered, frowning when his technique proved nowhere as perfect as the sinner’s and he ended up with uneven pieces, before moving onto the onion. Next to him on the counter his minion was laying on its stomach and observing him while kicking its tiny feet in the air. Alastor was still watching with rapt attention too, but then Lucifer realized it was probably because he was still afraid of him accidentally chopping off his own fingers. 

His attention was briefly caught by the banging of pots and pans behind him, and he turned around to discover that Alastor had once again extended his shadow tendrils, which were now preparing what looked like a spicy marinade. And once again the sinner wasn’t even looking at them.  

Meanwhile here I am, struggling to cut a single onion like an idiot. 

Even if he used magic, he couldn’t make the utensils do what he himself couldn’t. Why was he even trying ? 

But the Radio Demon noticed his stare, and how Lucifer’s gaze kept going back and forth between the tendrils and his own imperfect vegetables with a miserable expression. He sighed softly, his feedback whining gently into the airwaves.

“I have been cooking since I was old enough to stand, Dear. Please refrain from making comparisons.” Alastor told him firmly, and he realized his shadow minion had gotten up from its laying position and was now patting his hand. 

“I’m bad at this. You probably also think I’m bad at this” Lucifer accused him frustratingly as he endeavoured to dice the rest. He wasn’t used to trying to acquire new skills, and everything he’d ever attempted he’d picked up quickly. Apparently cooking was the one, glaring exception. 

“I think no such thing.” The sinner denied. “You are doing remarkably well for a beginner. Do you think my own mother berated me when my first attempt at cooking wasn’t perfect ?”

Lucifer didn’t know how he felt about Alastor comparing him to a small child, and comparing himself to his mother but he chose to ignore it or it would make everything uncomfortable again.

Keep things normal.

“No.” Lucifer mumbled begrudgingly instead.

“Quite right, Dear.”Alastor agreed, before shooing away the minion that was threatening to walk on the cutting board and the creature made a show of stomping its feet, but obediently sat farther away. “See ? You are already done. Now put it aside, next in the chicken.”

Lucifer put the mix of carrot, onion, bell pepper and celery in a bowl that he set next to the one containing the flour and the spices and was surprised when Alastor took the board away from the counter. 

“We do not use the same cutting board for the meat and the vegetables.There, take this one.” Alastor said, and handed him a cutting board of a different colour before putting the dirty one in the sink. Lucifer noticed that the surly minion had apparently been demoted to dishwasher and was angrily handing the clean bowls, pots and pans to the shadow tendrils so they could dry and put them in their proper place. 

Somehow Lucifer was more impressed with Alastor now than he had ever been, despite having witnessed the Radio Demon demonstrate the extent of his powers before.There was simply something about the sure, competent way he was running his kitchen that settled something anxious in Lucifer’s chest. As though nothing bad could happen to him here, in this predictable, well-oiled environment.  

Alastor put a bowl in front of him and Lucifer’s nostrils were assaulted by the smell of raw meat, which he wasn’t sure he liked. 

"We are using deboned chicken thighs. It's less dry than chicken breasts, but we'll remove the skin so the broth isn't too rich, it would be more difficult to digest and I didn't want to overwhelm you. "The sinner said, and Lucifer was once again astounded by the level of thought Alastor had put into tailoring the recipe to his needs.

"You can simply remove the skin with your fingers, it's alright if some of it remains. Now you are going to cut it into bite size pieces."Alastor instructed.

"How large is a bite size piece ?" Lucifer inquired,and immediately felt stupid for asking the question.He was supposed to know what bite size meant, the name was literally self-explanatory : The size of a bite. And even if he got it wrong it would hardly be the end of the world. But he wanted to get it right, wanted to prove himself and Alastor that he wasn't a good for nothing. 

If the Radio Demon thought he was an idiot he showed nothing, his face a perfect picture of patient neutrality despite the smile which Lucifer now suspected he couldn’t get rid off. 

“One inch square,”Alastor said. 

“Alright.” Lucifer declared, knife hovering near the chicken thigh. 

One minute passed during which Lucifer didn’t move an inch, and Alastor cleared his throat.

“In your own time.” The Radio Demon encouraged. 

“Ok.” Lucifer replied, and he tried different angles with the knife before coming back into position. But still not cutting the chicken. 

“Whenever you’re ready.” the sinner added. 

“Right.” Lucifer replied. Still not moving. 

“Lucifer. Need I remind you the chicken is already dead ? “Alastor sighed after another couple of minutes. 

“I know !” Lucifer exclaimed, and he tentatively started to slice into the meat. 

"Yes, perfect, there we go." The Radio Demon told him as he observed his movement over his shoulder, and his approval sent a thrill down Lucifer's spine. 

Somehow the fact that Alastor hadn’t spent his time coddling and praising him made his approval even more valuable, like Lucifer actually earned it. 

Lucifer wrinkled his nose at the slimy texture of the uncooked meat as his hands, and tried to ignore the blood vessels and the fat that clung to it. 

“I used to despise getting my hands on raw meat as well. But as my mother used to say, it isn’t cooking unless you are willing to get your hands dirty. She didn’t know how right she was !” Alastor exclaimed good naturally. Lucifer looked at him, perplexed by the ease with which he was associating sweet childhood memories with the concept of being a vicious cannibal. If the Radio Demon thought he could pass down his fondness for human meat to him like some sort of messed up family tradition he was sorely mistaken.

“I’m not becoming a cannibal.” Lucifer deadpanned, and Alastor’s smile widened with amusement. 

“It’s ok, Dear. Nobody is perfect.”The sinner said, and Lucifer snorted despite himself. 

When Lucifer was finished cutting the last of the chicken he transferred the pieces into a bowl that he handed expectantly to Alastor. 

“Very good.” The Radio Demon praised and Lucifer bashfully averted his gaze. “Now dredge them into the flour mixture to coat, and transfer them to this tray.”

Lucifer did as requested, he disliked the way the flour coated his greasy fingers along with the chicken, but there was something satisfying about watching the slimy, shiny meat behind a layer of white. 

“Excellent. Now go wash your hands, and join me near the stove.” Alastor instructed. 

Lucifer earned himself another death glare from the bulky minion that was still washing the dishes when he borrowed the tap and the soap for a minute to wash his hands.

“Excuse me.”Lucifer offered, but the creature didn’t seem mollified. Its small, silver buttons for eyes seeming to narrow angrily at him, and he wondered once again what was its problem. 

From the kitchen counter his minion was already reaching for him with its tiny arms, seemingly to come along with him. Lucifer didn’t know how he felt about having it hang onto him near an open flame, but the creature seemed so eager he couldn’t bring himself to refuse it.

“Fine but stay over there, I don’t even know if you’re flammable.”Lucifer said, taking the minion with him before setting it on a shelf out of harm’s way and the creature nodded eagerly. 

Alastor cleared his throat as he observed them, and Lucifer noticed his feedback seemed to have raised in pitch. 

“You do not have to humour him.” The Radio Demon offered, putting a large skillet on the stove and drizzling olive oil on its surface. 

“It’s ok.” Lucifer said distractedly. “I want to.” 

“I-Very well.” Alastor said, softly, and had it been anyone else the tone might have registered as shy. “I set it on medium heat, now cook the chicken on both sides for three minutes. Do not-”

“Yes, do not burn myself. I know, I’ll be careful.” Lucifer complained as he dumped the chicken pieces in the skillet. 

There was something calming about the sizzling sound of the chicken cooking, and Lucifer the pink flesh turned a perfect, appetizing golden brown as a delicious smell tickled his nostrils. 

“What now ?” He asked Alastor, and the sinner gestured to an electric slow cooker near the stove. Lucifer raised his eyebrow at him as he dumped the chicken into the bowl, he would have expected the sinner to cook his meat the old fashioned way. 

“I normally use a pressure cooker.” The Radio Demon told him, as though reading his mind. “But I reckoned this would be easier for you, should you try to recreate it.”

It absolutely was. There was almost no effort required on Lucifer’s part, he just had to push a button and wait. Once again he was both grateful and unnerved by Alastor’s thoughtfulness and his quick thinking. Lucifer wanted to thank him, but also couldn't bring himself to. Not when it would mean addressing the sinner’s obvious commitment to making him happy.

“What about the vegetables ?” He inquired instead. 

“We are using the same skillet. Stir occasionally until they are lightly browned.” Alastor said.

The juice and fat from the chicken kept the diced vegetables from sticking to the pan, and the combined smell of the meat and the vegetable was sightly familiar. Alastor handed him fresh thyme and rosemary to add to the mix, before instructing him to pour them into the slow cooker alongside the meat. 

Alastor gave him some fragrant broth to cover the chicken and vegetables with, two cups of orzo pastas and some bay leaves. But when he procured a lemon and a sharp looking zester the sinner’s expression left no room for negotiation : he did not trust Lucifer to use the zester without peeling off at least one layer of his skin. And for once Lucifer agreed with him, because there was no way he was going anywhere near this medieval torture device on his first attempt at cooking. The spinach, he learned, they will add at the very end. 

“Now what ?” Lucifer asked, as he put the lid on the slow cooker. 

“Now we wait, Dear.” 

***

He was so ridiculously happy when he saw his minion approach with the soup he could have kissed it. But today the creature wasn’t carrying one bowl, but two. 

He rewarded it with a pat on the head, leaving his bowl at his seat before taking the second one and approaching Charlie who was helping herself to some salad. 

“Hey sweetie, I-I made this for you. Without magic.” Lucifer said gently as he offered his daughter the bowl of soup. 

He had pondered on whether or not he should offer some to everyone else, as a celebration of his success. But this was special. Symbolic. It was the very first meal he had prepared for his child, without his powers no less.

"Dad…It looks great, thank you" She murmured. There was something awed in her expression as she accepted the bowl, cradling it in her palms as though it was the most precious gift she ever received. And Lucifer knew she understood the significance of the gesture. Beside her Vaggie only smiled and Lucifer was relieved that she didn’t seem offended to not have been offered a serving. That she understood this was something between Charlie and him.

The rest of the table didn’t seem to have noticed either, Angel had ordered Chinese takeout that he was guarding jealousy from Niffty and Husk while casting murderous glances at Alastor. He probably wouldn’t be having any of the Radio Demon’s food anytime soon. 

“How dramatic ! My expectations regarding your intelligence are admittedly quite low Dear, but I know even you wouldn’t fall for the same trick twice in a row.” Alastor commented in Angel’s direction and the spider demon sent him a withering look, clutching this box of noodles to his chest.

“Fuck off.” Angel growled. “You’re exactly the type of asshole who would say that and then do it again.”

‘Oh please, how boring would that be!” Alastor exclaimed, placing a hand on his chest. “I am offended that you would think me that predictable.”

Angel seemed about to retort, probably with an insult, but closed his mouth when Husk discreetly put his hand on one of his arms. 

“Let it go you moron.” The bartender told him, and Lucifer was impressed by how tender he’d managed to sound while calling someone an idiot. He allowed himself a little smile, how wonderful it must be to have so much trust in somebody that one could speak freely and never be afraid of saying the wrong thing. 

He once again focused his attention on his daughter, as she carefully carefully blow on the soup before tasting it.

Her eyes widened and to Lucifer’s delight she looked actually impressed.

"It's delicious, dad.” She said softly, and it wasn’t the indulgent kindness she usually showed him, wherever she noticed he was making an effort and wanted to encourage him. Her gaze was pure, unmitigated happiness and Lucifer’s heart ached painfully in his chest. He never placed that much importance in food, considering it more a source of stress and anxiety than anything else. He never realized it could transcend the mundane, basic need for sustenance and become a source of comfort, and warmth. Was it what Alastor felt when he was cooking for him ? 

How weird is it that he’s the only point of comparison I have ?

“But…Dad where… I mean, how did you…?” Charlie inquired hesitantly.

"Alastor taught me." Lucifer admitted and Charlie’s eyes narrowed slightly. 

"Oh that was... nice of him. So that’s where you were." Charlie observed him. She was smiling, but it felt a bit forced and she exchanged a look with Vaggie. Neither of them said anything, but he could feel the fallen’s angel’s gaze on his back as he went back to his seat near the Radio Demon.

His minion wasted no time climbing on his shoulder so it could play with his hair and Lucifer was certain it would resemble a bird’s nest later. Alastor raised his eyebrows at him and all the tension Lucifer hadn’t known he was holding in his shoulders disappeared. 

“Well ?” The demon inquired mildly.

“She likes it.”Lucifer said, still a bit stunned.

“Good.There is only one test left now, Dear. Please do the honours.” The Radio Demon told him, as he gestured to his own bowl. His nonchalant tone was belied by the seriousness of his gaze as he watched Lucifer carefully spoon a bit of the soup, making sure he got a piece of everything, and slowly brought it to his mouth. 

“It tastes the same.” Lucifer informed him with wide eyes even before he’d swallowed all of it. But Alastor didn’t berate him for talking with his mouth full like he did so often with Angel and Niffty.

“Of course it does, Dear. I’ll have you know I am an excellent teacher.”Alastor said, as though he was offended by the notion that he could be anything other than phenomenal at performing a task. Lucifer chuckled lightly, deciding that for once the sinner deserved the praises, even the ones he gave himself. He had been a good teacher, patient, and encouraging without a hint of condescension, which for the Radio Demon was no doubt an incredible feat.

“Will you teach me more ? So I can…make things for Charlie sometimes ?” Lucifer asked softly and the sinner’s static seemed to buzz with pleasure. 

“lt would be my honour, Dear. I have to give credit when credit is due, you are a very fast learner.” Alastor praised and Lucifer tried to hide his blushing face behind his minion that was now caressing his forehead. “Why, I suspect that soon enough you will have no need of me at all.” 

The tone of his voice made Lucifer pause. This was the desired outcome.There virtually no difference between the soup Alastor normally made for him and the one he made himself following his instructions. He could realistically make it for himself from now on.

And yet the twinge of sadness he could hear in the Radio Demon’s voice somehow seemed intolerable. 

“I think…I like the soup better when you make it for me.” Lucifer blurted without thinking, and Alastor emitted what sounded like a record scratch. “If that’s alright.” 

What am I even saying ?

“It is…more than alright.”The Radio Demon replied, and Lucifer suddenly felt the coarse fabric of the minion’s face against his forehead. Its lips were sewed shut with bright green thread, but his heart leaped in his chest when he realized it must be a kiss.

He cast a mildly alarmed glance at Alastor, but the fact that he inadvertently said something he probably couldn’t take back slipped from his mind. 

Because this was the first time that he could tell, with absolute certainty, that Alastor’s smile was a real one.  

***

As per Charlie’s suggestion, he didn’t participate in any group activity today, having already pushed himself way past his comfort zone. 

Instead Charlie, Vaggie and him lounged in the lobby, sharing bits of conversation or scrolling on their phones without feeling the pressure of actively talking or figuring out a problem. From time to time a few residents would greet them, with Mina fortunately nowhere to be seen, and Lucifer could admit it was quite nice. 

Charlie’s head was rested on Vaggie’s shoulder, looking like she was about to fall asleep and for the next couple of hours everything felt… right. As though they were a normal family, as if they’d always lived in the hotel together and the fight with Heaven and the Turning never happened. 

That is, until Alastor showed up.

“Oh…Hi, Alastor ! Did I forget a meeting again ?” Charlie inquired politely as the sinner came into view, but it was obvious how wary she was of him from the way she immediately straightened up and distanced herself from her girlfriend. As though she was reluctant to show any softness in front of him now. 

“No, my Dear, nothing of the sort. I was merely passing by.” Alastor said, but he wasn’t looking at her but at Lucifer, his expression open and his ears plastered to his head. It was almost concerning how vulnerable the demon was letting himself appear every time he was in his vicinity, and it was almost a relief that no one else knew or cared to look past that nightmarish smile of his.

To Lucifer’s surprise the sinner handed him a steaming mug of hot chocolate which he  accepted almost by reflex, even though he hadn’t asked for a drink. They awkwardly looked at one another for several seconds until Alastor was apparently sufficiently certain that Lucifer wasn’t going to hand back the beverage, and walked away tensely. 

Lucifer was holding the mug uncertainly, as though it might blow up in his face. Somehow it felt like he’d agreed to more than a drink by accepting anything from Alastor in public, and he saw several nearby sinners throw odd glances in his direction.

The drink in itself looked perfect, frothy and rich with an almost reddish hue. He looked at Charlie and Vaggie, suddenly embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, do you want..?” He said, as he gestured the drink with his chin.

“No ! No, you drink it Dad.” Charlie told him with a polite smile, but Vaggie was eyeing the the mug as though it was filled to the brim with arsenic.

Lucifer brought the mug to his lips, prepared to blow on it when he realized the beverage wasn’t even hot. Instead it was the perfect drinking temperature, and he wasted no time taking his first gulp, not surprised at this point that it was the best hot chocolate he had ever tasted. The liquid was thick, almost syrupy in consistency but a lot less sweet than the ones he’d tasted before, and for once he appreciated the hint of bitterness that remained, heightened with a dash of cinnamon. 

He sipped contentedly on his drink, and convinced himself the situation wasn’t strange at all,  when Alastor came back one hour later, this time carrying a blanket. 

To the confusion of everyone present the sinner didn’t hand it to him directly. Instead he approached slowly until he was close enough to bend down and drape the fluffy fabric over Lucifer’s knees. Then Alastor looked up again at Lucifer’s puzzled face, and when he didn’t protest took a seat next to him 

Lucifer looked at him, then at Charlie as though she might have an explanation, but his daughter and Vaggie were only frowning at the Radio Demon like he had gone insane. 

Alastor said nothing. He was simply sitting there, silently and looking at lucifer. 

This was only chocolate. This was only a blanket. So what if he accepted them ? It didn't have to mean anything at all. 

When Lucifer made no move to get away from him Alastor moved even closer. The look of undisguised awe he was giving Lucifer unnerved him, especially since everyone in the lobby could see it. The guests had gotten used to seeing Lucifer and Alastor together those past weeks, and probably suspected they had dealings of some kind with one another. But Alastor had never been this openly caring in public, and Lucifer felt himself wilt with embarrassment when he began receiving even more curious looks. 

So what, if Alastor was looking at him that way, as though Lucifer was the first ray of sunshine he had seen in years ? Lucifer hadn't signed anything. 

He heard Vaggie mumble something in Spanish under her breath, before she forcefully got up from the couch and marched towards the couch they were both sitting on. 

"Lucifer, can I have a word ?"The fallen angel asked tensely. From behind her Charlie looked surprised but didn’t seem inclined to say anything, instead choosing to scroll on her phone and pretend she hadn’t heard anything. 

"Of course, I-what's up ?" He asked stupidly, because obviously she hadn’t meant here. 

"In private." She added, casting a dark glance at Alastor, whose smile widened to a terrifying rictus as his feedback screeched unpleasantly. 

"Yeah. Alright." Lucifer replied, and as Vaggie guided him to the stairs he couldn't help but cast a glance behind him. Alastor was looking at Vaggie with a somber and surprisingly bereaved expression, as though she'd just torn out one of his limbs and was taking it with her.

Whatever she wanted to tell him, she didn't want Charlie around. Nor Alastor.Though it hardly meant anything when it came to the Radio Demon, Lucifer mused as they left the lobby, Vaggie never wanted him around, if she had her way Alastor would probably sleep outside in a dog kennel.

"Lucifer, are you ok ?" She said, once they were in Charlie's office, with the door firmly shut.

"I-I'm fine, still shaken but..." He began.

But surprisingly ok.

He'd actually had a decent day, had barely thought about Lilith or his conversation with Mina. All thanks to the cooking session. 

All thanks to Alastor. 

Vaggie observed him silently, and uncrossed her arms from her chest. Probably to appear more open and reassuring. 

"I understand, you know." She suddenly said, and he frowned.

"What ?" Lucifer asked hesitantly..

He decided he didn't like the compassionate, worried look she kept giving him, and he suspected she might have learned it from Charlie. She cleared her throat, as though bracing herself for an incredibly uncomfortable conversation.

Haven’t I had enough of those already ?

"Listen, you and Charlie just went through Hell and you are understandably very shaken, and very vulnerable right now. And I want to make sure you are being...careful."Vaggie told him, cautiously, as though she was trying to defuse a bomb.

"Vaggie, I don't understand what you mean." Lucifer told her.That was a lie, some part of him already knew what she was getting at, and didn't welcome it at all. Suddenly the carefreeness he'd felt since lunch disappeared, and it was like he'd just swallowed a stone.

"You spent a lot of time with Alastor today." She observed, her honest gaze not leaving his. "I don't know-I don't know what happened between you two yesterday that caused that shift, but I hope you know not to...place your emotional needs where they don't belong."

"I am not putting my emotional needs anywhere." he said, almost defiantly. But Vaggie's expression only softened.

"You have people who care about you, Lucifer, more than you think. You have Charlie, you have Angel. You have me." She said pointedly. “You can have Alastor too, if that's what you want. But remember he has Turned, make sure you know exactly what you're ready to give him before letting him into your life. Make sure to know what he's expecting."

Lucifer wanted to tell her to mind her own business, that he knew exactly what he was doing. That she was overreacting. But then he remembered what happened yesterday after the hug. His shock and embarrassment when he had been reminded of what, exactly, the Radio Demon wanted from him. The guilt when he’d realized that whatever Lucifer was willing to give him, it will never be enough to truly satisfy his instincts.

Vaggie was right. He wasn’t any more ready now to give Alastor what he truly wanted than he’d been the night before. What had he been doing all day, except playing with the sinner’s feelings and making him hope for nothing ? Blurring the lines between them when he should have set boundaries.

He realized that must have been exactly why Alastor had been strange this morning, acting cold and keeping his distance. Why the surly minion had been particularly wary of him: it was the only part of Alastor’s psyche that hadn’t been clouded by his feelings. The only part that had correctly identified that Lucifer was unstable and a flight risk, even as Alastor himself had dropped his guard again. 

 Lucifer had come and ruined it all, just because he wanted comfort

He felt his face crumble and Veggie immediately took his hands in hers.

"I-I didn't want-"

"Hey. Hey. It's ok. You don't have to justify yourself to me. You don't have to feel guilty for wanting companionship and warmth." She told him gently, before averting her gaze. “I just thought I'd talk to you because...well, Charlie would have never said anything for fear of intruding on your privacy and being too controlling again, which I think was the right thing to do. And Angel is... occupied right now."

She squeezed her hands once more, but he didn’t think he deserved her comfort.

What was I thinking ?

***

Joining Alastor back in the lobby was even more difficult than he’d anticipated, and Lucifer had to keep himself from running back to his room so he could avoid facing him.

“Dad ? Are you alright ?” Charlie inquired cautiously, before casting a questioning look at Vaggie who had been closely following, and Lucifer shook his head, suddenly exhausted. 

“I-I don’t feel well, sweetie. I think I will call it a day.” He told her, his tone apologetic but firm.

To his relief his daughter’s concern didn’t seem to override her good mood and she simply embraced him.

“I’ll come check on you later, alright ?” She said in his ear, and he nodded weakly, before turning to Alastor. 

The Radio Demon had gotten up and was looking at him expectantly, his smile smaller than before and his worry obvious from the nervous stutter of his static. 

“Shall I walk you back ?” the sinner inquired softly. 

“Please.” Lucifer replied, and waved one last time as his daughter and his girlfriend before moving to the stairs.

He found that he was walking slower than usual, dreading the moment he and Alastor will reach the door of his room and he will have to disappoint him. 

Again.

Up until now Alastor's Turning had been disturbing, inconvenient and exasperating. He'd been scared of the sinner's feelings towards him certainly, but it was the first time he realized he might have to take his own into consideration.

Finally letting go of Lilith has been like stepping into a dark, bottomless, terrifying void and Alastor had been there to catch him.

In retrospect he'd been stupid not to anticipate it. It would be difficult for anybody to remain entirely unaffected in the face of such endless, perfect devotion. It was only logical that sooner or later, Lucifer's affection deprived and pitiful mind would turn its attention to the one person who would never betray him, who would never stray.

 The person who thought he was precious and perfect despite his many failings. Who literally couldn't think otherwise. 

And as he took Alastor’s soft, hopeful expression he knew he’d made a mess of everything. As embarrassing as it had been, the Milking Incident: The Sequel™ had served as the reality check both of them had so desperately needed yesterday, and it should have stayed that way. 

He couldn’t have a nice, uncomplicated friendship with Alastor, like the one he had with Angel.They couldn't be the kind of friends who casually traded physical affection and warmth.What the Radio Demon felt for him was too big. Too strong.

If they didn’t set limits, if Lucifer allowed him close, Alastor would want to touch him again. Hold him again. And the Milking Incident : The Sequel ™ would become a trilogy, then a tetralogy, then a saga. And Lucifer would never change his mind, would never yield. 

He would keep breaking Alastor’s heart. 

It was better that way, better to cut his losses before it was too late.

"Lucifer may I-" The Radio Demon began as they reached his door and Lucifer tensed. 

He looked up again, and somehow it made everything worse. Alastor was wearing the same expression he wore yesterday, just before he pulled him in that warm, safe, perfect embrace. His feedback was whining softly like a broken violin and there was a lump in Lucifer’s throat that he couldn’t seem to swallow. He was suddenly overcome with a blinding sense of panic, and there was only one thing on his mind when he locked eyes with the Radio Demon’s.

Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Don’t ask.

Please.

And Alastor, for once, seemed to understand him perfectly. As surely as if he’d spoken out loud, his gaze once again guarded and resigned, just like it had been yesterday. 

"Goodnight, Lucifer." The Radio Demon finally said, locking his arms behind his back as though he was afraid of what he would do with them and taking a step back

Lucifer's heart sank to his stomach and he suddenly felt faint, both from relief and from something else that he didn't care to investigate.

"Goodnight Alastor."

***

He was overcome with a strange feeling once he was once again alone in his room with a strange feeling, suddenly finding it  too quiet and the air too still, as though his very environment had taken a dramatic pause.

"It's for the best." He told Sir Caraduck, whose beady eyes seemed undecipherable, just when Lucifer needed his insight the most.

It’s for the best.

He tiredly rubbed his eyes with his hand, and realized with a jolt that he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. Alastor never gave it back after they cooked together. 

Lucifer hadn't even realized it was gone.

Chapter Text

"Can you tell me again ?"Charlie asked. She looked miserable, as though she was somehow failing him by making him repeat himself.

Lucifer set his half empty mug down on the coffee table and gently patted her hand and tried catching her gaze so he could smile gently at her. 

"Of course sweetie, it's no problem at all." He offered. "Which part ?"

His daughter chewed on her lower lip for a moment before sighing in defeat. 

"Just...all of it ?" Charlie finally admitted, cradling her own mug against her chest to soak the remaining warmth of the beverage.

 He tried not to let his disappointment show on his face as he once again gathered his thoughts.

"It was just after your fifty third birthday, you and your mother wore matching purple dresses. Portia had made us cupcakes, we ate some but your mother didn't have any." Lucifer told her for the third time.

For the past month that had become his routine: wake up, join the crew for breakfast, have tea with Charlie. Spending time with his daughter was the highlight of his days, and once they'd torn down the wall Lilith had erected between them it had been easy to learn each other again. As though they’d turned back the clock,and resumed their relationship right where they’d left it before their painful separation. They couldn’t rewrite the past, but hopefully they could heal from it. Become the people they would have been had their growth not been stunted by Lilith’s presence, like ornamental plants being bullied into shape.

 Lucifer could almost swear Charlie looked more and more like him every day down to his expressions or mannerism. And he could no longer see Lilith in her full bellied laugh or the way she tucked her hair behind her ears. 

Some days they talked about happy memories, long hours spent looking at the stars and games of hide and seek in the greenhouse. But some days Charlie wanted to dig in the darkness, like one would inspect a healing but still tender wound. And those days Lucifer had to accompany her.

Trying to dismantle his ex-wife's lies was a lot more complicated than he’d expected. The big questions were easily addressed: did he surrender Charlie to her mother because he didn't care about her ? No. Was it true that he once told Lilith he wished they hadn't had Charlie ? No. Did he really say that he hated all sinners and wished them dead ? No. 

But Lilith's manipulation had been much more subtle than that, clever and all-encompassing. To the point where Charlie's early life with him had felt like the lie, and the warped image Lilith had painted of Lucifer after that the reality. 

 The lies were so woven in Charlie's perception of him during her childhood that simply telling her something wasn't true sometimes wasn't enough to fully convince her. Strangely enough she’d be able to acknowledge that Lucifer was telling the truth, while simultaneously feeling at her core that the opposite happened. 

Helping her differentiate between reality and fiction meant going over even the most insignificant details that she could remember from their shared moments together to create new connections between memories and facts. Like the colour of her outfit when they celebrated her fortieth birthday.Yellow. What her favourite dish was when it was raining. Blueberry pie. The name of the imaginary friend she'd forced Lucifer to greet everyday for six months when she was twenty. Albert.

‘I-I’m not sure…”Charlie said with furrowed brows as she fidgeted with her tea. “I remember that day, and I remember seeing you, but somehow I remember it going badly. I remember Mo-her resenting you.”

That stung. 

Especially since he’d had so many memories attached to that day, seeing Charlie again had been like breathing after being deprived of air for weeks. Lilith would almost never accept to visit Lucifer with Charlie by this point, claiming their daughter was busy with her education or that trips between their mansion and the palace were too dangerous. Still, Lilith had always been good at identifying the moments Lucifer was at his wit’s end, when denying him was more likely to make him rebel than to subdue him. And Charlie had always been a powerful motivator, when he’d still had some fight left in him. 

“How about you two take a break ?” Vaggie intervened, as though sensing his discomfort. 

. 

“Maybe you’re right, maybe it’ll make more sense if we come back to it later. I’m sorry Dad.” Charlie said apologetically and Lucifer frowned.

“Sweetheart it’s ok, it’s not your fault.”Lucifer told her gently. 

“I know. I just-I know that I can’t trust anything she ever said to me.”Charlie sighed as she focused her gaze on the flowery pattern of the sofa. “I want to be able to see things as they were. And I do, dad, most of the time. But sometimes it’s just…” 

Not enough.

“Hey.” Vaggie told her.”Don’t put so much pressure on yourself, three months ago you weren’t even certain something was even wrong. Sometimes progress can feel like a setback.”

Charlie looked at her, then at her father, and Lucifer smiled at her gently. 

“She’s right. I get that way too sometimes.” He offered. “Do you want to talk about something else ?”

“No it’s ok Dad, it’s almost ten thirty anyway I have an appointment with Mina.”Charlie smiled.

Lucifer frowned and exchanged a concerned look with Vaggie but neither of them said anything. Charlie had taken to talking to the chameleon sinner a lot these past weeks. Asking Mina to tell her about all the other people her mother had made disappear, all the other lives she had destroyed. Lucifer didn't think it was healthy at all, in fact it was starting to look a lot like a compulsion.There was also the fact that despite everything he had a hard time trusting the woman, some part of him still thinking or her as an intruder, and he still shuddered at all the things she knew about him, all the things she saw.

 But when he and Vaggie had confronted her about this strange new habit Charlie had admitted that it was the only way she knew how to make it real . 

Lucifer couldn't blame her, it felt surreal for him too. He had spent thousands of years with Lilith, had trusted her, had given her a child. He too was having a hard time confronting the fact that the person he was so familiar with had never been who he'd thought she was, had never been his ally or his friend. And so he would just forget sometimes. He would hear someone mention The Magic Flute, an opera they'd both hated, and would wonder what she would think. And then he would remember his ex wife was a vicious murderer and that they'll never badmouth Mozart together ever again. Or share a meal, or talk about their child, or make love. 

It wasn't even that he wanted any of those things with her anymore, it was simply that loving Lilith was more almost like a bad habit he needed to get rid of. Like biting his nails or eating too much sugar.

“Alright sweetie just-” 

“ Be careful. I know dad. Besides, don’t you have your own…thing to go to ?” She hesitantly asked, and it was obvious that she was trying very hard to appear completely neutral. Vaggie didn’t have the same problem, and her whole face wrinkled in distaste like she’d just bitten into a lemon.

“ Or he could go do something else. Literally anything else .” The fallen angel sighed. “How about we go make the liquor inventory with Husk together ? Angel will probably be there, it’s been a while since you’ve chatted right ?”

“No Vaggie, I already told him I’ll be here.” Lucifer told her, as gently but firmly as possible and the fallen angel sighed in defeat, but she didn’t seem surprised.

“I’ll walk you there.” She declared, as though she was leading him to a pit full of venomous snakes and not to the kitchen. He didn’t know what she thought she could achieve by going with him, but he knew better than to argue with her when that particular place was concerned. 

Or rather that particular person. 

His relationship with the fallen angel had also changed the past month, as Vaggie seemed to have decided Lucifer was an extension of Charlie and thus was under her responsibility. Sometimes it rather looked like his future daughter in law wanted to shove them both in an hermetic terrarium so nothing could happen to them.

They crossed the lobby together and he waved at Fen and Selina, but didn’t stop to greet them. He would never hear the end of it if he was late.

“You don’t have to do this, you know ?” Vaggie told him as they reached the kitchen door. 

“I know.” Lucifer said, his hand already on the handle. “Thank you for dropping me off.”

She didn’t come with him into the kitchen, she never did and Lucifer was grateful for it. She had no place here, nor anybody else. 

This was only his. 

Pushing open the door of the kitchen was like entering another universe. The brightness of the lights, the sizzling of food on the stove, the clang of pots, and the smell of spices was a stark contrast to the relative bleakness of the lobby.

“There you are !” Alastor exclaimed from the stove. “I see your minder didn’t pass the threshold yet again, too afraid of facing me on my territory perhaps ?” 

“She says she won’t set foot into the kitchen as long as you’re haunting it like a psychopathic poltergeist.” Lucifer deadpanned as he removed his gloves and washed his hands.

 Alastor cackled, bright and crisp underneath his static. 

“Poor thing, how awful must it be for her to lead you into my evil clutches everyday, thinking about all the terrible things I must make you endure.” The Radio Demon said, his smile widening ever so slightly. 

“You did make me peel exactly one thousand potatoes so I’m inclined to agree with her.”Lucifer complained, but there was no reserve in his tone. 

Lucifer didn't know what he'd expected after the unfortunate events from a month ago. Maybe for Alastor to insist on trying to invade his space, despite Lucifer's obvious reluctance to let him close. Or maybe for the sinner to start giving him the cold shoulder so that he could keep his ego intact. In any case he'd thought Alastor's offer to teach him how to cook would be well and truly off the table. What he hadn't expected was for the sinner to not only keep his promise, but to throw himself into the role of the teacher and mentor like his existence depended on it.

The kitchen was buzzing with animation and Lucifer had grown used to the quirks of working alongside someone who could summon minions and shadow tendrils at will. 

“You.” Alastor told the calm,lanky minion that had just finished toasting pine nuts next to him. “Go assist Lucifer and make sure he doesn’t cut off his finger and contaminate my vegetables. Again.” 

“ That happened once, Alastor. Once. And it wasn’t even a whole finger, it was literally just the tip.” Lucifer protested but he obligingly made space for the creature on the kitchen counter. In truth he liked that minion. It was gentle, paid attention to details and it always patted Lucifer’s hand in a soft, almost motherly fashion when he did a good job.

His own minion was perched on the shelf near Alastor, looking like a gondolier rowing tourists around as it stirred a broth with a wooden soup twice its size.The creature was staring at him longingly, looking pitiful with one of its buttons for eyes threatening to fall off. 

I’m sorry buddy, Lucifer wanted to tell him. But he already knew the creature wasn’t allowed to come near him anymore. Its presence threatened the delicate New Arrangement he and Alastor had created where they could both pretend everything was normal and proper. Lucifer had to remember it wasn’t a punishment, that this was what he’d wanted. 

He stupidly wished he’d given the creature a name, so that he would have had something to call it. He would even stay awake at night sometimes to think of a name that would suit what the creature represented for him. But Lucifer had lived long enough to understand the significance of the act of naming. Alastor's minions weren't his to name or assign meaning to.

 Lucifer barely had the time to register movement in his peripheral vision before his nose was unceremoniously pinched and he was forced away from his thoughts. With a sigh, he focused his attention on the slightly pudgy creature with yellow buttons for eyes that was grinning conspiratorially at him and wiggling its tiny thumb between his index and middle finger. 

“Is that my nose ?” Lucifer deadpanned, unamused, and the creature snickered mutely. 

It had taken several days before the fourth minion had mustered the courage to approach him but once it did Lucifer had understood why Alastor had told him he would never get rid of it. It was difficult to imagine that such a childlike, facetious creature even belonged to the Radio Demon. It was harmless, always bursting with energy and eager to entertain. But it was exhausting. After having his twentieth branch of celery or piece of carrot  disappear from the counter to reappear in his pocket or having his nose stolen Lucifer could see where the Radio Demon was coming from.

"Enough." Alastor admonished the creature as he passed the counter to collect his diced celery. " Leave him be, or I will put you on dishwashing duty." 

That seemed to sober the creature right up, because the sink was the surly minion’s territory. With the fourth minion’s enthusiasm that bordered on psychotic and Surly’s general dislike of trivial things such as fun and happiness, the two creatures were like oil and water. Lucifer’s own relationship with the grumpy minion had improved over time, to the point where it would often assist him if it saw him struggling. Even if it did it with the long suffering air of a childless adult forced to babysit someone else's baby. 

Over the course of their New Arrangement Lucifer had had the opportunity to acquaint himself with Alastor’s hectic gaggle of helpers and had fancied himself an expert on how they worked. 

Until The Fifth One had appeared. 

The creature was an enigma. It would show up from time to time in a seemingly arbitrary fashion.It didn’t seem to have a solid shape like the others, appearing solid one moment and wispy around the edges the next. And it never did anything besides staring unnervingly at Lucifer. But what was strange about it was Alastor himself. The Radio Demon had seemed to be familiar with it, in much the same way one would be familiar with a recurring case of explosive diarrhea. The sinner had been so furious and mortified the first time it appeared he’d thrown a skillet at the creature, before remembering he could dismiss it with a snap of his fingers. 

Lucifer placed the trail with the rest of the vegetables next to the stove, and Alastor made a show of inspecting them with a serious expression.

"Excellent.” The Radio Demon said, and Lucifer smothered the small thrill he felt at the praise. “Next you’ll prepare a glaze for the meat, just like I showed you yesterday. But first pass me the fennel seeds, will you ?" Alastor asked him as he continued stirring the sauce in one hand and sauteed some onions in a separate pan with the other. 

Lucifer circled around the kitchen island to get to the spice shelf, jubilating at the fact that he now knew what fennel seeds were. 

“And mind the-”

“ Yes. Mind the system, you’ve only been telling me that for a month.”Lucifer complained as he grabbed the small jar, making sure to remember exactly where he took it. The System was Alastor's absolutely nonsensical way of organizing the spices on the shelf.The sinner didn't sort them alphabetically, by geography or by most used, like a sane person. Instead he sorted them with what he called flavour types, with arbitrary rules he probably made up and that Lucifer couldn't understand. 

“And yet you still confused the white pepper with the coriander three days ago.” Alastor remarked. 

“You’re never going to let this go are you ? They look exactly the same !” Lucifer replied. 

“They do not smell the same and you would have known that had you used all your senses like I taught you.” The Radio Demon retorted.

“I am not smelling things blindly after you let me sniff the Asafoetida without so much as a heads up !” Lucifer exclaimed.

He didn’t hand the jar directly to Alastor, never directly put himself in a position where he could touch the Radio Demon and vice versa. Instead he placed it in the delicate grasp of the shadow tendril that had extended towards him, ridiculously expressive for a pitch black appendage with no defining features. 

The tendril dropped the jar in Alastor’s upturned hand, and he poured a tablespoon of seeds in the pan and began toasting them, unrushed and graceful despite having four pans on the stove. 

“Why don’t we-” He began, and Alastor raised a hand to stop him.

"I’m sorry, I cannot hear you when you are hunched over like the hunchback of Notre Dame." Alastor told him. 

Lucifer grimaced and mildly wondered if he should protest when he realized he was indeed half crouched over the kitchen island while he prepared the glaze, something he tended to do when he was concentrating. He gingerly straightened his back, and frowned when Alastor smiled wryly at him.

"You were saying, Dear ?”The Radio Demon said.

“Why don’t we use spices that are already grinded ?”Lucifer asked, before being met with Alastor’s disgusted expression. 

Oh boy. 

“You mean why don’t we use off-the-shelf spice mixes, like absolute heathens ?” Alastor hissed.

"Why not ?" Lucifer said defeatedly, bracing himself for the rant he accidentally bought on himself. 

“Well I will let you know that as soon as whole spices are ground, more surface area comes into contact with light and air, which makes them start to degrade. They begin to lose their natural oils which is the source of their flavor. That is why grinding your own spices gives you complete control over the quality of the ingredients you are using, Dear. You can choose high-quality, fresh spices and avoid any additives or fillers that may be present in pre-ground spices, and did you know that in ancient Greece-” 

The first thing that he learnt about the Radio Demon during his apprenticeship was that he never shut up. 

It had been entirely unsurprising, even before he started spending time with him Lucifer had noticed that Alastor liked the sound of his own voice. He talked even more than Angel, which Lucifer hadn't thought was even possible. 

What was surprising was that Lucifer didn't mind listening to him. That he appreciated it even, Alastor's incessant ramblings providing a welcome distraction from his own restless mind. The Radio Demon could talk about anything, cooking, his distaste for new technology, dancing and music in general, Overlord's gossip, the weather. And if Lucifer got him started on a horrible woman named Susan, then they would probably still be here tomorrow. 

“And that’s how Selphium got extinct after being a staple in Graeco-Roman cooking for centuries. Are you quite finished questioning my expertise or is there another inane debate you wish to initiate ?” Alastor inquired, somewhat mollified as he always was after monologuing about Ancient Greece. Lucifer had no idea how he even did it, but he could trace every single subject to Ancient Greece. 

“Yes ! Why don’t you buy an electric spice grinder, instead of making me use the mortar and pestle like we’re 35000 BC ?” Lucifer asked drily.

“Well, in Ancient Greece-”

“Not again with Ancient Greece !” Lucifer complained.

“Yes, now pay attention: in Ancient Greece -”The sinner began again and from the shelf Lucifer saw his minion defeatedly take its face in its tiny hands, apparently as fed up with classical Antiquity as Lucifer was. Lucifer failed to stifle a giggle as he swapped the glaze for the toasted fennel seeds with a shadow tendril.

 That was another thing he’d discovered about Alastor: he was funny, once one got accustomed to his dry wits. But it was also rather common for him to be funny without meaning to , and he’d managed to draw several full blown guffaws from Lucifer for the past month. 

The sound of his laughter caught Alastor’s attention and he briefly turned around to look at him, his eyes so soft Lucifer had to avert his gaze. He had yet to get used to how awestruck Alastor would look each time he made Lucifer laugh, like he’d just managed the most incredible feat.

Lucifer busied himself by grinding the spices with the offending mortar and pestle, willing away the pesky blush that had settled on his cheeks. 

 Lucifer had also learned completely meaningless things about the Radio Demon during their time together. Like the fact that he liked raisins , which Lucifer didn't understand because raisins were disgusting and an insult to humanity everywhere.The face Alastor made when he was baffled by technology. How some of the scars on his forearms looked like constellations and that he wore suspenders underneath his coat.Tiny, inconsequential pieces of information that made Lucifer feel like he actually knew him. 

Which was no good at all, because the opposite wasn’t true. Whatever Alastor’s hormone-addled mind saw when he looked at him, it wasn’t Lucifer. 

The high-pitched Ding of the oven tore him out of his reverie, and he looked around to realize the minions were already cleaning up the kitchen and he looked at the clock. Eleven twenty. The others were probably already in the dining room by now. 

How did it all go so fast ?

He barely registered as the lanky frame of the third minion entered his field of vision and it gently took away the mortar in front of Lucifer, pushing a now familiar white bowl in its place. 

Alastor was still making the soup for him. 

Lucifer hadn’t expected him to. Would never have dared asking, because he had surrendered the right to expect anything from the Radio Demon that horrible day a month ago. But the next day Alastor had simply pushed the white bowl in front of him, and had been doing so everyday since. Neither of them talked about it, and neither of them had corrected the others when they'd all assumed Lucifer was now making the soup for himself. It was like a secret between them.

Lucifer tried to swallow the tightness at the back of his throat as his hand cupped the white porcelain.

***

“Everything looks delicious guys ! Good job !”Charlie exclaimed, making a show of inspecting every dish as she’s been doing ever since he’d started participating in the cooking process. Even if Lucifer kept reminding her he was more of an assistant than anything else. The first week he hadn’t even been allowed to handle the spices, because he apparently grinded them wrong.

“It-It looks very good Lucifer.” Vaggie offered cautiously. 

“Why, thank you my Dear !” Alastor intervened, forcing himself into the fallen angel’s field of vision, his grin widening when Vaggie’s tentative smile immediately turned upside down. “We worked so very hard on it !” 

Vaggie had yet to find a way to support Lucifer in his recent cooking endeavours without also complimenting Alastor in the process, and the Radio Demon never missed an occasion of reminding her that Lucifer’s success was his success. 

“Careful Lulu,” Angel said as he appeared behind to ruffle his hair. “You were already a catch before, but if people learned you cook too our female guests would lose their panties so fast it would make holes in the floor.”

“I-Thank you ?” Lucifer told him. Angel’s forward sense of humour was part of his charm, but somehow the prospect of attracting the attention of the opposite sex made Lucifer want to crawl under a piece of furniture and stay there for another seven years. 

“Are you capable of making a compliment that doesn't involve the disappearance of one’s underwear ?”Alastor admonished him with a screech of feedback, his smile widening at the way Angel’s jaw tensed when he spotted him. 

“Not all of us are prissy old prudes like you.” Angel hissed.”No one’s gonna drop their panties for your freaky face, it’s probably been decades since you’ve gotten any.”

“Why, I believe the same could be said about you, Dear.”Alastor drawled and this earned himself dirty, tired looks from both Angel and Husk. The Radio Demon always knew exactly where to push to hurt, as Lucifer had learned the day of their first meeting. Angel looked like he was seconds away from throwing a chair at the Radio Demon’s face. 

Lucifer had seen his fair share of wars during his lifetime, but he had never witnessed anything similar to what those two had been doing for the past few weeks.It was a conflict alright, but it was so ridiculous, insane and petty that Lucifer had wondered several times why they couldn't simply punch each other like civilized people and be done with it. 

Over the past month Angel had grown increasingly protective of Husk and in turn, increasingly resentful of Alastor. The unfortunate Eye Incident had been the last straw, and they’d all discovered that while lacking in raw power, the spider demon was perfectly capable of making somebody’s life miserable when he put his mind into it. 

 The very next day Angel had stolen each and every single book, magazine and newspaper from Alastor's room with the cooperation of Niffty, and had replaced every page with a picture of his face making a stern expression.

Alastor had retaliated by sending one of his minions to fill all of Angel's beauty products with blood, and the scream that had followed had woken up all the neighborhood.

But Angel hadn’t been willing to admit defeat, and had registered the help of half the hotel residents and several days later Alastor had started finding himself inexplicably followed by a garden gnome everywhere he went. And each time he destroyed a gnome two would appear in its place. After five days of forced coexistence with the gnomes Alastor had been so furious he'd destroyed the store where Angel had purchased the offending figurines.Vowing to hunt down the owner's family for the next ten generations if they ever manufactured another one.  

After that the Radio Demon had taken to summoning Husk each time he'd notice the two were trying to have a romantic moment. Which Angel had confided in Lucifer also happened at night , and neither he nor Husk had any clue how the Radio Demon even knew when it was best to ruin the mood. 

“Ok guys !” Charlie intervened before the silence could stretch for too long.”I think that’s enough for today, we agreed to tone down the fights during meals !”

Alastor looked at her, then at Lucifer before his smile relaxed and his static faded back to white noise. 

“Quite right, Dear. My apologies.” The Radio Demon relented. 

“Fine, whatever. Come on Lulu, let’s go.” Angel said, as he took Lucifer by the arm and pulled him away from the kitchen right side of the dining room and the Radio Demon. 

He and Alastor had tacitly agreed not to sit next to one another, had no reason to now that the New Arrangement was in place. And yet the sinner’s side after working in close proximity with him felt strange and somewhat…unwelcome. 

Especially with Alastor looking at him that way. Lucifer looked around and couldn’t believe no one but him had noticed. It was all there in the slight slump of Alastor’s shoulders, the deflating sound of his feedback, the way his ears flattened slightly towards his skull. It made him want to do something stupid. Like take the Radio Demon’s hand and drag him back into the kitchen, where Alastor could tell him about Ancient Greece, and look at him like Lucifer was the center of the universe. 

It’s for the best, He reminded himself for what felt like the hundredth time. For both of them. Because there was another worry at the front of his mind, something that Vaggie hadn’t even bothered to address because she didn’t care about Alastor. 

It was the Radio Demon’s own inability to decide.

The Turning had robbed Alastor of his free will, to the point where it was impossible even for the sinner himself to know what he actually wanted. He was only acting this way because he got infected by a parasite, and his misguided maternal instincts had designated Lucifer as someone to protect and care for. If the Radio demon was in his right mind he would surely shy away in disgust at Lucifer’s proximity. He would surely resent him for being the instrument of his downfall and humiliation. 

Lucifer was in no position of accepting what Alastor was offering, and Alastor was in no position of offering it in the first place. 

It was for the best. 

***

Lucifer crossed the lobby with hurried footsteps, feeling so many eyes on him he somehow lost his ability to walk without looking suspicious. His arms suddenly felt alien, as though he’d never had them before, dangling awkwardly around his body as he tried figuring out what to do with them.

He and Alastor were seldom seen together in public anymore, this wasn't part of The New Arrangement where they acted as though everything they did together had a purely transactional reason for existing. Like the cooking.The strange events from a month prior had been written off as Alastor being his cryptic, unhinged self. And not a single person had even suspected that Lucifer might have participated or encouraged him in any way, and he'd received nothing but sympathy. 

Poor Lucifer, suffering the whims of a maniac because he was too passive and meek to say no . Poor Lucifer, who was so oblivious to the world around him he didn't realize when he was being taken advantage of. 

“Yo Luci, wanna play a board game with us ?”Lux called out to him from the sitting area at the center of the room with his usual clique. Nico threw him a dubious stare, apparently already in the middle of distributing colourful cards and probably unwilling to do it all over again. Or maybe it was Lucifer’s presence that made him uncomfortable.

“That’s…very kind Lux but I’m supposed to meet Fen and Selina at the library today.” Lucifer offered, and Lux rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah yeah, I’m not dumb. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you always have an excuse. I’ll keep asking until you say yes !” Lux complained with a sigh as he made a shooing motion with his hand.

“I’ll think about it.” Lucifer lied as he tried to inconspicuously quicken his pace.

He appreciated Lux’s touching, if suspiciously insistent efforts to try and connect with him. But now that Alastor wasn’t there to act as a repellent, people took every opportunity to insert themselves into his life. Strangely enough, the sudden rush of attention also seemed to coincide with his new lack of a ring. A problem that would have been easily addressed by putting the damn thing back on, had it still been in his possession. 

Except Lucifer had never asked Alastor for the ring back. 

The most evident reason was that he didn't want it back, no more than a prisoner would want his shackles after being set free. The second was the fact that he was cringing with embarrassment at the mere thought of broaching the subject with the Radio Demon, because how would he even go about it ? “ Hey Alastor, half the hotel is already comparing you to Gollum and going around stealing rings really isn't helping your case.” ?

Both these reasons were partly correct, and on good days Lucifer could almost pretend this was all there was to it. 

But it wasn’t true. 

Just like the soup, the fact that Alastor had kept the ring without Lucifer's permission was an anomaly in their new pattern. And instead of begrudging him for these obvious breaches of the New Arrangement Lucifer was relieved . Relieved to have the proof that Alastor wasn't fine with it after all, that he was quietly protesting how normal and proper their relationship had become.

Lucifer could seldom admit to what he felt without being smothered by his own guilt and self-loathing. Because how cruel and twisted must he be to feel that way, when he had no intention of giving the sinner what he actually wanted from him ?  

He wrinkled his nose at the wet, smooching sound coming from the more secluded sitting areas of the lobby. He was about to turn away to give the couple privacy when he realized it was none other than Husk and Angel. 

The spider demon was half sprawled over the bartender and pressing small, insistent kisses to his mouth and cheeks. Not for the first time the displays of raw, unabashed affection left Lucifer somewhere between embarrassed and envious. Lilith had never been keen on showing him any affection in public. But on the occasions it happened it was always with a proprietary hand on his shoulder or thigh and a pointed look to whoever she was trying to remind of her claim on her husband. Never a kiss. 

But Angel was kissing Husk as though the bartender was so precious, so irresistible that he couldn’t keep his desire for him from spilling over. Husk was doing a very poor job of pretending he didn’t welcome the attention. 

 Lucifer smiled despite himself. It was the first time he saw them kiss and he idly wondered if it was their first one. With Alastor’s constant nightly interruptions it made sense that they would try to make up for lost time during the daytime, while the Radio Demon was busy attending his duties.

As he passed the door of the library he decided it could be worse. They had all seemed to have reached a state of balance and Lucifer was…content. If not happy. 

The worst is behind us.

He didn’t know if this single, innocent thought had rippled through the very fabric of the universe and triggered forces he didn't understand to answer and prove him wrong. Because suddenly all he could hear was screams of terror. Almost as loud as the ones he'd heard the first day of the outbreak.

.

Lucifer never opened a portal so fast in his life, and all but threw himself inside to stumble violently in the lobby, only to be greeted by a scene he didn't understand. Couldn't understand. Because it didn’t make any sense, it couldn't be conciliated with everything he had believed to be true ever since he moved into the hotel. 

Angel, covered in blood and trying to rip out a chunk of Husk’s neck while Vaggie and Charlie were desperately trying to drag him away from the bartender.

“Angel ! Angel stop !” Charlie cried as she pulled harder on one of his shoulders to no avail. 

“Charlie he can’t hear you, we need to help Husk.” Vaggie called in a strained voice.

Lucifer wasted no time seizing Angel by the arm and pulling him away from the bartender’s neck, his heart sinking to his stomach and he realized the bartender was bleeding profusely and not moving. 

Angel, or rather the creature wearing Angel's face turned towards him and growled in his general direction. His jaw splitting in two to reveal a pair of huge chelicerae with a loud, bloodcurdling crunch that would surely haunt his nightmare for the rest of his days. There was no sign of his friend in those eyes and instead Lucifer was met with blind fury and a flash of gold that sent a shiver of horror down his spine.

It’s impossible.

Lucifer swallowed his panic and finally lunged himself at Angel from behind, locking his friend in an embrace that plastered all his arms against his body. Angel thrashed furiously in his grasp and Lucifer was taken aback by his sheer strength, and the same feeling of wrongness settled in his stomach. 

"It's me, it's me. It's Lulu, do you remember ? Please Angel, do you remember me ?" Lucifer pleaded in his ear, but Angel didn't pay him any attention and tried to twist around with renewed vigor, no doubt to attempt to tear his head off his shoulders. Charlie was hovering near them while Vaggie was desperately applying pressure to Husk’s wound to stop the bleeding.

“Charlie stay away !”Lucifer ordered. 

“But dad we have to contain him !” Charlie urged him.

Lucifer never thought faster in his entire life. He was already losing control of his strength and would surely hurt Angel or himself if he tried wrestling him out of the lobby. Portaling was also out of the question, Angel was not cooperative enough for Lucifer to land them somewhere safe, much less with the spider demon in a single piece. 

Lucifer felt Angel's slender chest collapse with a sickening crack, and realized he must have fractured some of his ribs.

" I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry ." He whispered in Angel’s ear, his eyes filling with tears when his friend let out a wounded whine, but didn't stop squirming like a snake to break free from his hold. Even at the cost of hurting himself.