Archive of Our Own ^beta

     The fish. There he is. He's like a big whale or something. The glowing testicle on his forehead bobbed with the movement of his head.

     "Hello friend." He gave you a toothy grin, tucking his black, grossly greasy hair behind his webbed ear. "I've got some useful Items for you... for a price, of course."

     You shuffle through your pockets (how do you even hold all of that shit? Ok, Marry Poppins.) "Frick," you murmur to mostly yourself, "I'm five off. D'you think I could get the med kit? Please? It's only five."

     He looks at you like you've just twisted his balls off. "A discount? Fuck you." He rolls his eyes, flipping his (again) greasy ass hair. When was the last time this guy showered? He lives under water. How does he even manage that? Whatever.

     "Come on... it's just five. Its barley even a discount. I'm bleeding, and its getting everywhere." You look at the puddle of blood forming around your feet that wasn't there before but is now for convenient plot reasons.

     He looks as you, gritting his teeth. It probably hurts. His teeth look sharp. Does he bleed whatever he bites his lip? Probably. That's dumb. Frick this guy. But a shift in expression that's subtle enough to sneak up on something that's probably akin to a gay person being outed to their conservative grandparents. That dosent even make sense, but I wanted to make the joke. Fuck you, it's not bad writing. You're just not creative enough.

     "...Fine. But remember your place, expendable." He says it like it leaves a bad taste in his mouth, but there's a strange warmth in his eyes, like a cold pool when someone pisses in it. After all these expendables people passing by, or even dying before they get there.. it's tiring, to say the least. Maybe he can be nice for a change. So he gives you the medkit and you instantly heal or something (OK vampire..)

     "Wait." He says, shifting and messing with his stupid-ass, gross, greasy hair again. "I changed my mind. For plot reasons and horny people, I'm in heat. Because cycles or whatever. Animal DNA. Something. Cum over here."

     You look up at the big ass fish and squint. "What the frick, man." You don't wanna have sex with this fish (well, you probably do because you're here, but I don't so you get to not wanna freak with the fish too. Fuck you.) "I'm not doing Allat bruh. How does that even work, you freak of nature?"

     He growls like an animal that growls and does a weird thing but idk what is is so pretend there is one. "It wasn't nature, for your information. And screw you, I don't know when the next time one of you stupid felons is gonna come through here again. Fuck me. Yes."

     You're apprehensive, but they you just focus on his voice. Damn, is it sexy. You swoon and your knees feel week. You face-plant because your knees gave out. Ha-ha, dumbass. Look at you on the floor. Idiot.

     He chuckled at your face-plant. "Moron," He reaches for you with his third arm and picks you up, "Pretty please?"

     "Ok bruh" You say with nonchalance because you're just a chill guy like that. This is awkward because he's a fish. "How.. what. Your weiner isn't, like, out."

     He looks away in.. tee-hee... embawwasment... and vaugley gestures to the break in the thicker skin on the underside of his serpant-like lower half. Idk where it is, I don't look at fish dick anatomy. "I have a thing. Writer forgot what it was called, so fuck you you don't get to know what to call it either. It's like a slit or something and it holds my frigging weiners dude, it's crazy."

     That's kinda gross. But you don't say that, he'd probably shoot you. But something catches your attention. "Weiners? As in plural?"

     "Yeah lol. Two. Frick you. Finger me or something." He demands

     "Ok bruh." You try not to focus on the fact that he's a fish, but the monsterfucker in you appears and you're like fuck yeah. And he was a human once so it's probably morally ok, at the very least a grey area. Idk dude. You look for the slit, it blends in rather well. You feel like a straight dude that's never had a girlfriend trying to find the clit, and its embarrassing and a bit frustrating.

     "Sebastian, um, where the hell is this thing?" You ask, a bit embarrased of your lack of competents. Haha, idiot.

     "Oh, just.." He grabs your hand with his third arm and leads your hand down, his smooth scales sliding satisfyingly against your palm. He can't seem to look at you, and his snarky, sarcastic personality seems to have melted away. To be fair, if you were in that position, you'd have probably done the same thing.

     Your hand finds a barly noticeable slit in his skin, and he winces as your thumb runs over the length of it. You find that it's sensitive. You're kind of unsure what to do, and honestly can't tell if it's pain or pleasure. In an attempt to not get shot you ask; "Are you alright? Is that a good thing?"

     "Mmhm," He breathes, "Very good." His large tail smacks against the concrete floor. He looked down at your thumb, and you finger. You wonder howbthe hell you got here. You tease it a bit with your thumb and it opens up slightly, allowing you to slide your fingers inside. It's gross in there, weirdly gooey. Like what you imagine when you watch a snake give birth. Yeah, gross. You pull your fingers out and they're coated in a luminescent blue goo, similar to the color of that one Miku ramen. Electric blue, you think it's called. It's kinda pretty.

     "Come on," The larger grumbles, "We're not on a timer.. probably, but I don't like waiting." He shoots, his two main arms resting on the pipes around torso-level (his torso level, not yours) for a bit more comfort and support. His tone has the slightest bit of desperation, masked by irritation.

     He's a big guy, he could absolutley kill you if he wanted to. You're half fearful and half willing, so you do. Both wolves inside you want this, lmao. Your fingers return to the slit, leaking a bit from the intrusion. His breath hitches; he moans, quieting himself with his left hand, his third arm gripping your waist to stabalize you and have something to hole onto. His glowing blue ORBS look down at you (atleast you think they do, he has no pupils).

     "So, are they.. in there?" You ask, still unaware how this weird fish anatomy works. You get a nod in response, so you just start winging it. Your fingers curl around in there, awkwardly trying to find his stupid dicks. Everything in there felt the same. Your fingers searched, and you ignored his whimpers and moans to focus on finding these stupid things.

     "What the hell, man..." You complain mostly to yourself, then finally find one. He gasps in response.

     "Slimy," you say without much thought, fingers curling inside the slit and attempting to tease the weirdly tentacle-like <===3 out. "Is this because you're nervous? You're making this really difficult." You complain once again. He ignores you and responds with a moan.

     Finally, you aid the thing out. One disco stick pops out of the the slit, and the second ones follows suite. They're like 2019 sans fanart ones. It's wild. Both members drip the blue liquid, and it's actually really pretty. Gross, but pretty. You look up at him, "So, these are your.." you trail off, the rest not even needing to be said. He nods mechanically and muffled a noise with his third hand as you grip both in your hands and press your thumb against the tip of one.

     It's kind of strange. They're warm obviously, since they were kept inside of his body. They're pretty large, slightly squishy. You lick your dry lips, shifting on the man(?)'s tail. What the fuck am I doing? Sorry, moment of clarity. Wow. Fish sex. Fuck you and fuck my dignity man. Anyways. You're unsure on what to do; Obviously you've never done this kind of thing before. Other than masturbation, but that seemed different. But you stick to the basics of what you know and work your hands (slowly, of course) up and down both of the smooth lengths. The weird  glowing goo makes it really easy to do so, acting as a natural lube. He seems to like this a lot and leans his head back.

     "Fuck," His deep voice growled, "Keep going. But-... don't think this means you get anything else for this. Just the med kit." He clarified, even though you hadn't even been thinking about that. You'd mostly been thinking: "Hey, so what the fuck am I doing?"(also me while writing this) but getting something else for this seemed reasonable.

     Fuck this guy, won't even give you more free stuff. Your services are- not really but we'll pretend they are- worth more than this. Is this considered sex work? Probably. But you ignore it because you're determined to live this time through- you're sick of this stupid loop of die and return. Atleast you're not insane, he seems to remember your deaths. It re-assures you that you haven't completley lost your mind In this place. Hey I'm going on a tangent! Back to sex, you don't want lore.

     You pump both dicks, elicting more whines, moans, and other noises of pleasure as you do. You think you hear Megalovania playing faintly in the background, but that's besides the point. A high-pitched, slightly pathetic noise escapes him and both dicks spurt a slightly more opaque goo than the stuff surrounding it, his tail slamming against the wall in the intensity of his orgasm that you had no idea was coming. It's probably been a damn long time since he's been touched, considering how fast he came with so little effort. He can probably lay eggs but I don't want to get into that and I'm ready to get this over with. You wipe your hands off on his snake-like body because gross, you don't want any of that stuff on your hands.

     "Well, uhm.. I better get going now." You dismount his tail, getting the opportunity to look over his body, and I mean really look over his body now, thinking of and seeing him a bit different than you did before.

     "Yeah," He murmurs, not paying much attention. He looks rather satisfied. "I'm positive you'll get past door 60 this time... maybe even get to door 61!" The audacity of this guy. You had just helped him cum and he wasn't even going to give you special treatment right after. What the hell. Now a bit pissed off, you snatch the keycard next to the radio that was spouting garbage noise.

     "Whatever," you grit your teeth, "See if I ever do anything for you again." You crouched, crawling out of the vent. On your way out, you heard a chuckle, followed by 'buh-bye.' Frick that guy. And for his information, you actually made it to door sixtytwo this time around. You died to a wall dweller while doing the dumb pipe puzzle. How are they so quiet? You didn't count that one as your fault. So, back through the doors you go, and the loop begind again. End or something idk dude