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Bellamy was where he had been for the past month, making the rounds to check on the kids they got back from Mt. Weather, many of them still woke up screaming and terrified that they were still in that horrid place. He went one room at a time, waking anyone in a nightmare and staying with them until they could sleep again.
Bellamy was responsible for them, no matter how much the othisArkers told him that he didn't have to care for them anymore, that they weren't his responsibility. They had been his responsibility since almost the day they all landed, he knew the horrors these kids had faced. Bellamy had faced them right beside them.
First, on the list tonight was Raven's room, Wick had run off and couldn't be found Bellamy had been worried about the mechanic falling back into the depression that she had pulled herself out of but seeing Abby in the bed with her settled that fear.
As he walked a small noise drew his attention, he saw someone curled into a tight ball in the corner of the hall. “Lu?”
Louisa was one of the youngest of them, she’d been the same age as Charlotte when they landed; one of only four delinquents younger than Octavia, she was the only one of that group still alive. She hadn’t spoken a word since Mount Weather to anyone. She took to hiding herself away in tight spaces. ‘It’s how she hid when they’d come for us in the mountain.’ Monty had explained to Louis' parents when she’d hidden away the first time.
Bellamy crouched down to be level with her, the girl was asleep, restlessly and Bellamy was sure he was in the middle of a nightmare, gently Bellamy shook her awake. “Hey you’re in Arcadia. You got out safe.” He talked her awake, watching as panic and fear left her. she looked around gripping onto Bellamy’s hand as she calmed down, Bellamy rubbed her knuckles, “See you’re quarters are just down the hall, Monty is two doors down.”
All the 100 were tough, down to the youngest, survivors to the last. It was something that ate at him with as much as it filled him with pride. They had survived by sacrificing their childhoods, Louisa could hunt better than most of Arcadia’s guards. Hell she’d shown a few classes how to field dress a rabbit with small hands too comfortable with a knife, too familiar with blood between her fingers.
She tugged his hand and started to stand up wiping the tears from her face, the kids rarely felt like they could show this in front of the adults that had come down. Moments of weakness were reserved for the delinquents, the ones they fought beside since day one. Bellamy knew it was a heavy weight to be trusted with but he’d gladly carry it till the day he died. “Ready?” he asked quietly and was given a nod in return. He walked her back to her quarters, watching as she wrapped her distress away in preparation of being around her parents again. He wished for a moment that things were different but this was their reality and Lu being able to be tough like this saved the girl's life more than enough times.
Last was Jasper, he was sure to be somewhere odd, probably passed out from whatever hooch he’d brewed. Not to mention if he was awake Bellamy had next to no chance of actually finding him with the way Jaspers was avoiding everyone, well mostly Bellamy himself and Monty. Not that he blamed Jasper, not after what they’d done in Mount Weather, he’ll never get the look in Jasper’s eyes as he held Maya’s irradiated corpse out of his mind. It still felt heavy, every time either of them turned to Jasper out of habit only for the space to be empty.
Bellamy checked a few of the more out-of-the-way rooms until he found himself in the garage; the palace was rarely quiet but at least the smell of gas and oil was still common. Maybe that’s why Jasper came here more often, it smelt like the dropship. Bellamy found Jasper curled up in one of the roves, knocked out drunk it seemed, shivering though Bellamy could tell if it was nightmares or the cold. Bellamy huffed shedding his jacket and placing it over the younger man, hoping to solve at least one issue. Jasper was a stone wall, and all Bellamy could do was try and bash through to help his friend.
Walking out of the remains of Alpha station, Bellamy took a deep breath enjoying the air, winter was ending but it still left a chill in the air. It's been stressful having everyone adjust to the new situation, the war with the Mountain Men had offered a distraction but now with nothing else the two groups were trying to figure out how to be one people again.
It didn’t help that while the 100 had more practical knowledge and experience there were still people who refused to listen to them either because of their past as delinquents or their age. It was enough that Peter had walked away when trying to teach a group.
He sat down on a table looking up at the stars, Bellamy got the same feeling that he did the first time he looked up to the stars, this odd feeling of both newfound amazement and profound homesickness. It was such a different view from what it had been up on the Ark, Bellamy wondered briefly what his mom would think of the sky from Earth's view.
Bellamy thanks being on high alert for the last year catching the soft footfalls on the grass, he could narrow down who was out and would be coming up for a chat with him at this time of night.
"You'll catch a cold if you stay out all night." Bellamy sighed unsurprised, he’d become used to that voice speaking to him in that worried tone. It never felt condescending or off-putting to Bellamy the way it did up in the ARC or even when the other arkers had first come down. Maybe Kane was growing on him after all.
Kane sat down beside him taking time to look at the sky too. Bellamy cut a quick glance and wondered what Kane thought of when he looked up. “I keep getting reports of you out and about, is it an every nightthing or just when it's all too much?”
"Both I suppose." Bellamy hummed, it was still strange to have other people check on him, well aside from Raven who’d always done it and Abby but well it was Abby’s job as a doctor to make sure none of them stressed themselves into an illness. "I- they're my responsibility. I somehow ended up with 48 little siblings." It was true, over the time on the ground he’d come to care for the 100 as his family, his responsibility. The same way Ocatavia was his responsibility, one that he felt he kept failing after all 49 was what was left of the 100 they started out with.
"That's admirable though a little self-destructive. We're all here together to share burdens, you can let us help them. “ Many of the 100 now had parents on the ground, though there was still something they only relied on each other for, ways that they still looked to Bellamy and, with Clarke gone, Raven for leadership over the council.
“You can relax, work on your own trauma." Kane was still looking up at the sky, his face stark against the ink of stars, he finally looked over at Bellamy and the younger could see that Kane really did care, a warmth there that matched the one growing in Bellamy since they had started rebuilding.
He meant the best as he always did when he tried to get any of them to open up about things, but Bellamy didn't have time for his nightmares, the ones of his friends screaming, the dining hall in Mount Weathiswith all its corpses trying to pull him down to become one of them. Didn’t have time for his grief; the 14 graves that the group made sure were still taken care of, for Clarke walking away leaving him to see the blood on his hands alone. These people were more important. Making Arkadia into a lasting home was more important.
"Come on." He stood up, offering his hand in a gesture Bellamy was debating. Even on the ARC when Bellamy was more likely to try and punch Kane than take his hand he could still admit the counselor was handsome, but now having seen so much more of Marcus. Seeing the life on the ground both hardened Kanes' resolve and softened, no temper was the better word he thinks, his by the book ways.
Kane on the ARC would have never tried to make peace with the grounders, wouldn’t have agreed with putting aside the Exodus Charter. It changed a lot of how Bellamy saw him. He could take the comfort Kane seemed to be willing to give, Bellamy was worried that they weren't on the same page as each other. It would be rather awkward if he thought this would be a more... parent figure while Bellamy was willing to do, distinctly none parental things with him.
"This only goes as far as you want it." Kane assured him, and Bellamy knew he meant it, Kane was offering comfort in whatever way Bellamy needed it. He didn’t push, just kept his hand out; offering
Bellamy thinks maybe how Kane sees him has changed from that tense interrogation months ago. Bellamy thinks he has, at least enough to listen when Bellamy speaks, take his opinion on plans seriously and offer him a space to talk when Bellamy is ready. Bellamy didn’t think he imagined shoulder brushes that lasted longer than with others, lingering looks that traced a path down his person.
.
"I- are you rebounding from Abby?" Bellamy didn't mind, hell he'd slept with Raven as her rebound from Finn, and he’d slept with others for worse reasons back on the ARC; casual sex with other delinquents or transactional encounters with the guards was just another part of his reality but Bellamy liked knowing that going into a situation.
"There was never anything between Abby and myself, she's just -" Kane looked for the right words unsure of how to explain it; words well thought out and measured. "It's like you and Clarke."
Bellamy understood he'd do anything to help Clarke. The two pretended not to hear when the others would jokingly refer to their arguments with ‘Looks like Mom and Dad are fighting again.’ They balanced each other out once they found something to unite them, forming a tight and powerful bond but there weren't romantic feelings there.
"So as far as I want? Same to you, you know." Bellamy hopped off the table and took his hand lacing their fingers together, leaning close and slipping their lips together, gently at first giving Kane the chance to pull away. Bellamy felt his heart race, could feel Kane’s- Marcus, he had his tongue in Bellamy’s mouth he should probably use Marcus’s first name, pulled away resting his forehead against Bellamy’s
"So yours or mine." He could feel their breaths mingling with each other, "I should get some sleep." Bellamy conceded to that fact and that was probably going to be all that happened tonight, and he couldn’t bring himself to hate that idea, maybe having Marcus there would help with his own nightmares.
Marcus gave him a quick peck on his lips, they walked quietly back to Bellamy’s quarters. Hopefully not passing anyone too alert or awake, the guards were normally switching shifts at this time so no one saw them walking together. Even if they had, Bellamy was sure he and Marcus were the only two who would spot the change in how they walked just a bit closer, hands no longer intertwined but brushing against each other each step.
Bellamy was leaning against Marcus' door, waiting for him to return from a council meeting. They'd been whatever this is for two months now and they hadn't done much more than necking like, well he’d say teenagers but the dropship camp had seen more action in a day than he and Kane had in two months. It was nice Bellamy, supposed showing that Marcus was interested in more than just Bellamy’s body which was a welcome but shocking change to most people that Bellamy hooked up with.
An almost shy smile played on his lips as Marcus walked up to the door, Bellamy shifted his weight from foot to foot. This he did easily, charming, flirting and teasing people into his bed, but that was different, more to do with just having a bit of fun with someone or stress relief. He felt light despite the fact that this mattered more than that. "I think you should kiss me."
Marcus looked around before pulling him in closer, a fleeting tease of a smile on his lips before opening the door to his room and nudging Bellamy in, to anyone else it would look maybe a little confrontational like back in the old days but the lightness in Marcus’ eyes was for Bellamy to see.
Bellamy pulled him in when the door closed, enjoying as his hand tangled into Bellamy’s hair, Kane leading the kiss but Bellamy knew if he wanted Marcus would gladly be guided. He started to push up Kane’s shirt, feeling the muscles beneath his hands throwing it off of him before trailing them south reaching his waistband. Encouraging him to take off his pants, trying to show that he was ready if Marcus was willing to go further
"Why don't you lay down Bellamy." Well, he certainly got the message, Marcus started by shucking off his shirt, placing open kisses down his chest stopping every so often to suckle a mark on sun-kissed skin nipping lightly at the freckles he traced. Bellmy squirmed a little, tickled by his beard running across his skin. They stayed like that for a moment Bellamy enjoying the feeling of Marcus' chest rising and falling in time with his own, this moment separate from the outside world, where they could just be. Be two lost souls falling together, maybe falling in love. A moment made all the more touching for its fleeting nature, where they could for a moment put down the weight they carried.
Every touch was electric, every breath a gasp of life and a reassurance that they were alive and in this mess together. Bellamy knew that it was enough, this shared moment, this man in his arms and his bed.
Bellamy sighed as he looked over the board in front of him, a lot had changed since those days it felt like ages ago since he’d first kissed Marcus, with everything that's happened it might as well be.
He heard the whoosh of the opening door but ignored it. Not wanting to be bothered as he kept his attention on the map, if it was Monty the younger would hopefully take his silence as a reason to leave.
Bellamy caught a glance of the person out the corner of his eye, "Pike. I thought you were done for the day?"
"I thought you were too." Pike countered, standing at his side, "Are you avoiding Kane?"
Bellamy huffed, they weren't exactly keeping it a secret but they hadn't announced it either. It just didn’t seem like something they needed to be vocal about. If someone saw Marcus standing a touch closer to Bellamy or Bellamy exited the chancellor's quarters in the early morning, well everyone took comfort where they could. But Pike hadn’t been in Arcadia long so he was surprised the older man had figured it out so quickly.
"It’s clear when you know what to look for." He brushed his hand across Bellamy’s shoulders. "I didn't mean to cause such a strain on your ... relationship." The way he said 'relationship' made his falter in his thoughts, he couldn't tell which part he didn't like but he could tell he didn't like the idea of Bellamy and Kane
Bellamy shook his head, it wasn't Pike's fault that Marcus wasn't willing to see his side of things, that this was the only way to save their people, but Bellamy still felt oddly lonely. Even though Bellamy had some of the people closest to him on his side it still wasn't the same. "It's not that bad. I'm used to being on opposing sides from my fellow leaders."
"Clarke, it must have hurt to see her go." Pike looped his arm around Bellamy's shoulder leading him to his desk. Bellmay was unsure of where this was heading but he figured he'd need to make a choice soon. "To lose her after everything, were you two always that close or-?"
This made Bellamy laugh a little. "No way. We did nothing but fight with each other. In the end, we had the same goal: keep the kids safe, so we had to put it aside after that it was almost easy to kinda get in sync with each other." It hurts to talk about Clarke, even more so after the incident in Polis.
"I can't imagine how it feels." Pike brushed his hand down Bellamy’s arm "I remember when we landed, just trying to keep people alive the feeling when there was someone you couldn't save."
Bellamy looked up noticing, finally, how close Pike was to him. If either of them moved an inch they could be kissing. He missed kissing someone, it was odd even at the drop ship he had girls and guys hanging off his arms but never felt too connected with them. Not enough to miss being held when he had a night alone, not enough to feel a little lost without someone by his side, without the calm to his storm.
But now that he had been in a relationship, he missed it. The closeness, the intimacy. It was like being lost in a storm with no shelter in sight. Was that why he could feel small tremors run down his body? He was torn between wanting him closer and wanting to jolt like a rabbit, back to Marcus or to Clarke. Back to the dropship, to when it was just the delinquents.
Pike leaned in, gently pushing his curls from his face before closing the inch gap between the two.
Charles had known that Bellamy was a handsome man; tanned skin and freckles dusted across his face, since seeing him on the ground he wondered if the freckles were speckled around the rest of his body.
It certainly helped that Bellamy was respected, half the people in the camp looked up to him for leadership. Swaying the younger to his side, driving more of a wedge between Bellamy and Kane would keep him closer to Pike, make it hard for Kane to sway Bellamy off course.
Bellamy wasn't a shy kisser by any means, but he was gentle and slow. Like he wanted to savor the moment, or maybe he was waiting to see if this was what he wanted. Charles smiled at him lightly and pulled Bellamy’s shirt off. He broke the kiss to look at Bellamy.Now there was an image to last Pike a lifetime. Bellamy Blake, mouthy, stubborn, hard headed, Bellamy Blake shivering under his touch,
Well damn. He really did have freckles everywhere.
Pike moved his lips to his neck, kissing and suckling at the freckles he had there, Bellamy wiggled trying to keep his focus on lower parts. His , surprising, love of his freckles reminded him of Marcus, who also seemed to have an affection for them.
Bellamy hadn't slept with anyone since the attack on the Grounders, hell he’d barely touched anyone. Between the way he and Marcus were at odds and the constant movements that he was juggling. So he was a bit wound up, though it was a different set of hands than he imagined.
It was that thought that broke the tension, broke whatever was running through Bellamy’s mind. Bellamy
“Pike stop.” He put his hand against Pike’s chest, pushing the other back.
This wasn’t- Bellamy didn’t want- He couldn’t even think right now. “Let’s just focus on the grounders.” Bellamy looked away, creating space as he grabbed his shirt, he didn’t run out he couldn’t create a scene but he also didn’t look back as he pulled his shirt on.
Marcus had sent the others out after Pike had ended his meeting; they'd get nothing useful from the bug; they were putting their plan into action later, he'd simply listened to Bellamy pacing and sighing. Marcus got up to go and talk to him when Pike started to speak with Bell.
He found that he couldn't walk away from the conversation even if nothing important came up.
He clenched his teeth when words fell into silence, and felt a sting of betrayal when the encounter turned sexual. But at the same time, he understood that Bellamy was in a vulnerable place, which is why he hadn't initiated anything more amorous than holding Bellamy when nightmares struck and hadn't tried to force Bellamy into a confrontation.
Pike would have seen that in him too, after all, despite the fact that Bellamy liked to act aloof he often wore his emotions on his face, cared about Arkadia so much that it was all he could think about at times Marcus loved that about Bellamy, and Pike was taking advantage of that. Of Bellamy.
He stood, though Marcus was unsure of his next move this added another barrel of fuel to the fire he was trying to fight, now any conversation he tried to have with either of them about Arcadia would be charged.
Bellamy could double down out of guilt, trying to throw himself into what he thinks is best for their people to avoid dealing with the emotions of it all the way he did after Mount Weather and Marcus had no solid way to pull him out of it.
Pike, Charles, would make anything Marcus said be more about the personal than the political. Center Bellamy as a pawn and a shield against Marcus’s words.
Kane walked back to his quarters, expecting them to be empty. Surprised by Bellamy already in bed though he could tell the younger was feigning sleep. Marcus sighed he could have this fight now, but taking a moment to look at Bellamy; he could see the bags under his eyes were darker than they were before they’d found farm station, he looked thinner too.
They could talk about it tomorrow Marcus knew the storm was almost here, just on the horizon were choices everyone was going to have to make and - he could lose Bellamy; both Bell the man he loved, shared his bed, life and burdens with and Bellamy the bright young leader who cared so deeply for their people he’d do anything to keep them safe.
So for tonight he got into bed and held his lover tightly.
He never thought the moment would come here; Bellamy and Marcus locked eyes through the windshield, both daring the other to make a move. A standstill of so many means on one theme; Love. Their love for their people, for each other.
Bellamy’s ears were ringing, his heart was in his throat. Bellamy knew he would never fire the gun in his hand. The same way he could see in Marcus’ eyes the older wouldn’t just run him down with the rover. He broke the stare first moving to help Pike, keeping a few steps back until Marcus was moved to interrogations.
When it came to a head all it took was a look between the two lovers, something in Marcus’s eyes; Marcus knew what had happened, that kiss and what Bellamy had almost done. It was just another log on the pyre Bellamy had been building.
It only added to the guilt.
He rushed forward when Pike ordered Marcus to be executed, they hadn’t talked about this, about killing their own. When Hannah had suggested they execute Sinclair, Pike had refused.
“Are you sure this is the right move?” Even with the vote to make Pike chancellor Marcus was still an integral part of Arcadia, people needed him. Their people needed him, not just Bellamy. Pike only met his eyes for a moment before he walked out.
Bellamy finally felt the weight of his actions, the cold look in Pike’s eyes. The man would do anything. Who would be the next to be killed? Harper? Sinclair? Tears started to fall racing down his cheeks, god he’d been so blind.
"Bell." he whipped around to look at Marcus.
He took a weaving breath. "I'm sorry - about everything. I- I just want everyone to be safe. It's my job to protect them." Protecting people was all he’d ever done, all of who he was and he kept failing.
Kane held out his hand, still cuffed beckoning Bellamy closer."I know, but-" When he got close enough Bellamy knelt down to be eye level with Marcus. "-You went down the wrong path."
He looked away, unable to see the gentle forgiveness in his eyes. "I almost - with Pike-"
"It's okay, people have moments of weakness, hell I've had more than a few in my life." He laid a light kiss on the top of Bellamy’s head. "We can fix this I promise."
Bellamy looked at him, tears still blurring his vision and inched closer giving him a warning, time to pull away from him, from this; time to reject him and throw Bellamy out of their bed, their bond. Surprising Bellamy, Marcus kissed him lightly.
Bellamy could have smiled, it wasn't absolution, wasn't a pardon or full forgiveness. But it was love, a promise and a hope that they could repair what he'd broken.
This is where his life was going to end, in this fucking throne room.
Bellamy could feel the cracks in the floor press into his back, the weight of Marcus's arm on his throat as he gasped for air, no longer having the strength to beg for him to wake up.
To come back to him.
Bellamy couldn't even see any trace of Marcus in those brown eyes, he was gone. Bellamy hoped that Clarke found the kill switch soon so that Marcus wouldn't come around to Bellamy’s lifeless corpse under him, hands wrapped around a throat gone cold. Maybe this was justice, dying at Marcus' hands after he almost died because of him after Bellamu killed his dream of peace with the grounders. Maybe he deserved to go out like this, in the grounder capitol, he could feel the darkness closing in on him, the cold setting into his fingers as the little life drained from his body.
Bellamy saw the exact moment when A.L.I.E's control was lifted, saw the light return to Marcus' eye, but the guilt rushed in a second as he lifted his arm up, allowing him to breathe, he curled over gasping, practically gulping the air in.
Bellamy pulled himself up as Marcus sat frozen, slowly moving his hand away from Bellamy but the younger grabbed a hold of it, feeling the rough bandage around his lover’s wrist brush against his fingers as Bellamy held Marcus’ hand between his own two. God, he'd been tortured into taking the chip.
"There you are."
Marcus took in Bellamy, all the wounds of his face, Marcus’ eyes started making their way to Bellamy’s neck but they snapped back to the younger’s eyes as he saw the fear melt away.
"I'm here."
Marcus looked away, guilt eating at him; some part of him wanted to kill Bellamy, wanted to see the light leave those vibrant eyes. He could feel tears welling up in his own eyes at the memory, the feel of Bellamy’s jackrabbit heart getting slower and slower.
Bellamy pulled Marcus in wrapping his arms around him, soothing him as he cried. Simply holding the man he'd grown to love.
Looking over he saw Clarke and Abby talking, neither looked well; Murphy holding Emori in a tight embrace, reassuring her more than likely.
Bellamy felt silent tears run down his cheeks as the weeks finally settled he buried his face in Marcus' hair allowing a moment to share in grief before he looked around for his sister. Finding the familiar figure in time to watch as Octavia ran Pike through with her sword.
Bellamy gave Marcus a squeeze wanting to go to her and stop Octavia from leaving, but one look passed between them and he knew that this time, he couldn't stop his sister. Bellamy needed to let Octavia go, no matter how much it felt like a part of him was being torn away.
Watching the room, diving back into the storm of emotions. Bellamy forced himself to walk over to Clarke. "You don't look happy for someone who just saved the world." Even simply looking at Clarke, Bellamy knew that there was something bad about to happen.
"We haven't saved it yet, but, We need to take this moment to-" The blond didn't get a chance to finish before Abby called Clark over Bellamy picked up a mention of Raven's name as he passed them to sit beside Marcus.
Bellamy took his hand once again, looking closer at his wrist. The bandages were shoddily done, and needed desperately to be changed Bellamy could do them when they had a moment to themselves.
"Are you okay, we need to change these ban-"
"Don't Bell, I- " Marcus seemed to be staring at his hands, "I- almost killed you."
Bellamy leaned into him, trying to pull his pain away. "It wasn't you Marcus it was the A.I. She was controlling all of you."
He still refused to look at Bellamy, so he moved to sit in front of him, slipping his fingers under Kane’s chin and tilting up to look at him.
"Marcus this wasn't you. You would never do something like that, never kill someone in cold blood. I can prove it." he took Marcus’ hands as the older looked at him warily; unsure of what Bellamy was doing, for a moment he thought Bellamy was going to wrap them around his own neck. But he simply held them up.
"These hands," Bellamy squeezed his hands. "Helped save us all, they helped to build Arkadia." Bellamy placed his forehead against Marcus’. "They've been nothing but gentle when holding me when supporting our people."
He looked uncertain, so Bellamy gave him the same kiss Marcus had given him in that interrogation room.
A kiss of hope and promise.
Marcus seemed to freeze before he kissed back as if he could lose himself in Bellamy’s kiss. They held each other close and poured all their love and forgiveness into this one kiss.
They parted and took a breath almost as one.
Bellamy stood up, extending his hand which Marcus took and helped his lover up.
It was over, Alie had been stopped and Pike was dead. Even if that hadn't been the plan going into this. The group agreed to stay in Polis till everyone was healed enough to walk, for Marcus and Indra's wrists to heal, Bellamy and Abby's throats to no longer rasp. The moonlight was shining through the window into the room they were using. The quiet was so loud as Bellamy knelt down in front of Marcus, careful hands unwrapping soiled bandages from the wounds. This - this was his fault, Pike had distracted them all and some many paid for it. Gentle as he could, Bellamy brought the wrist to his lips, avoiding the active wound, a prayer in fewer words. A penitence that Marcus would accept, the only other one he knew on his knees he'd learned at the hands of guards, so he gave it. Reverent care as he tends to the wounds, they would scar as most of their wounds did but they would be taken care of now. Kane just looked at him, silent in horror, in pain, in things left unfinished because there were always bigger problems. Bellamy was a little shocked to feel Marcus gently kiss the brushing on his neck, a gentle prayer in reply. Timid worshipers at the temple of their bond, a little worse for wear but still standing.