Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ryan sits quietly in his apartment, petting his cat that lays lazily across his lap. He scrolls through Amazon, looking for a cheap shelf set. After a long day of classes and homework and fighting his way off campus, he's finally home, and free to do as he pleases (nothing).

He takes a sip of his tea from his 'I'm A Cat Person' mug. He's not actually a cat person, and he leans towards dogs a heavy amount of the time. But when he found his cat Captain Knots, he just couldn't resist spoiling her.

There's a few frantic knocks at his door. It startles him, but he assumes that it's maybe someone lost or one of his neighbors needing some sugar.

He puts his mug down and gets up, keeping Knots at his side because he can't bear to let her go for more than a second.

When he opens his door, he immediately becomes overwhelmed with many senses and emotions. The strongest one is anger. He shoves it to the bottom of his stomach upon seeing the state of the person standing in front of him.

"What happened, Dallon?" He sighs, putting Knots down and letting her wander back to the couch.

Dallon sniffles, trying not to break down. He's wearing a black hoodie and jeans, but both are soaked completely from the pouring rain.

"I-I need a place to stay...you're the only person I trust."

Ryan lets the poor man inside, closing the door behind him.

"You know I'll always let you over here. But you need to give me a warning or a call at least. And bring some clothes next time."

Ryan closes his laptop and picks up a few things that are strewn around the floor, only slightly embarrassed at the state of his messy home. Dallon still stands near the door nervously while dripping wet.

"I know, I'm sorry. My b-boyfriend just…He just gets mad at me sometimes."

Dallon freezes up when Ryan looks at him. He doesn't know where to look, so he just stares into the brunettes eyes.

Ryan takes a breath. "Just don't make a habit out of this." He refrains from mentioning any sensitive topics that tie the two together. Like the fact that if Dallon's ex finds out, he might start spamming Ryan on Facebook again. Alex is the main reason the tension between them is so thick.

Ryan and Dallon were hooking up while Dallon was simultaneously in a relationship with Alex. Alex found out, but Ryan didn't even know that Dallon was in a relationship. They were really touchy-feely and flirty along with that, which of course didn't mix well together when shit hit the fan.

Being the pathetic man he is, Ryan caught feelings. Even after they stopped talking, his heart still deeply yearned for the feeling of Dallon's hands squeezing his hips, and his lips on Ryan's neck. His breath on his shoulder as they cuddled chest to chest. Ryan misses it more than anything, and he hates the fact more than anything, too..

"Are you hurt? Do you need a shower?"

Dallon panics. His answer to both of those questions would be yes, but if he says that then he may seem too needy. If he only says yes to the first, he'll seem rude and uncaring about getting the floor wet. If he says yes to the last, Ryan will know he's lying. If he says no all together, then he'll seem ungrateful and dirty. Is he overthinking this? Isn't it just Ryan. Just Ryan, his ex boyfriend and the only person he knows will stick with him when nobody else will. It's just Ryan.

He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth.

"Um…actually I can stay somewhere else. I-I'm sorry," He turns around, ready to bolt out of the door so he'll feel less guilty about wasting Ryan's time and making him upset. But Ryan grabs his arm and pulls him back.

They stare into each other's eyes, which makes Dallon even more nervous.

"Am I making you uncomfortable, Dallon?"

Ryan blinks once, twice, waiting for an answer. Dallon truthfully doesn't know what to say. He's not uncomfortable. He's nervous. He doesn't want to push Ryan's buttons or do something that might cause Ryan to yell at him. He shakes his head.

"Am I making you scared?"

"..."

Dallon shrinks. Yes. He's practically shaking but he tries to hide it so Ryan won't get annoyed or feel bad.

"Are you here so you can try to have sex with me? It's not gonna work."

Dallon quickly shakes his head again. "No! I-No. I told you, my boyfriend just kicked me out, I swear." He says, which makes Ryan raise an eyebrow.

"You said he got mad at you."

"Well, yeah, I-I asked him if I could go somewhere and he got mad and kicked me out."

Dallon flinches. He's digging his own grave.

"Why do you have to ask to leave?"

He decides that he should probably not tell the truth. "I don't know." He mumbles, looking down at the floor and leaving it at that.

Ryan crosses his arms. "You should stay here for a couple of days." He says, not at all asking. In fact, the decision was made without Dallon even putting in a single word.

Dallon hesitates. "Oh, well, I don't think my boyfriend would want me to." He bites his lips just thinking about the consequences.

Ryan frowns. "Oh, well, I don't think I care about your boyfriend." He states matter of factly. Turning around, Ryan walks down the hall.

"Come on."

.

After a shower, Ryan tends to Dallon's injuries from his supposed battle with the rose bushes next to the garbage bins he took out. He wouldn't have told Ryan, but he felt really bad about staying for so long and didn't want to inconvenience him after he had already gotten stuff to clean him with.

Dallon flinches when Ryan dabs some rubbing alcohol onto the cut on his stomach.

"Sorry." They say in unison, glancing at one another coincidentally. Ryan is first to break eye contact and continues cleaning the cut. Dallon swallows and his grip on the bathroom counter tightens.

Dallon flinches again. This time, the pain feels much worse. So bad that he grabs Ryan's wrist in a panic, a silent way to tell the man that he needed a breather. For such a small cut, it sure does burn badly.

When their eyes lock again, they don't look away. Instead, they indulge in the warmth that the color of each other's pupils give. Ryan's a light brown, constantly swirling like shitty dollar store tea he always drinks. Dallon's a foggy blue, almost green, and so, so scary to Ryan. He can't let what happened before happen again.

But they're now much closer. The signs don't deceive. It's a terrible decision and Ryan doesn't know if he cares anymore or not. They glance at each others lips this time which are open just slightly, wanting to feel the satisfaction of a mouth that actually fits with their own.

Theres a knock at the front door.

Ryan backs away and clears his throat, cheeks dusted pink. "I'll get it," he says in mumbles, hurrying out the suddenly warm bathroom.

Dallon sighs, now sat alone. He feels pathetic, so suddenly lovesick without a single kiss. Over an ex at that.

Ryan opens his front door to find a new emotion unlocked. Annoyance.

"Did you follow him here?" He asks bitterly, almost protectively.

Alex frowns, now cautious. "Please don't tell me 'he' is Dallon."

Ryan curses under his breath. No fucking way.

Chapter Text

Ryan curses under his breath. No fucking way.

He's already blown the cover, so he doesn't pretend too much. "Don't act stupid. Did you follow him?" He crosses his arms and leans against the doorway.

Alex looks almost offended. "Uh, no. I didn't know you guys were still even talking. And I came here for you, actually." He states, which does catch Ryan just slightly off guard. He doesn't show his surprise.

"He stopped by for a shirt he left. What do you want?"

Ryan doesn't think it will be something important. He thinks Alex still hates him. That's the only reason he hates Alex. Because he decided that Ryan somehow knew Dallon was living a double life, and he was his mistress. Stupid shit.

Alex purses his lips before he speaks. "I…wanted to apologize. To you." He says carefully, swallowing back his fear.

Ryan's lips part just the slightest and he stands there, beyond dumbfounded.

Alex? Apologize? To him? Do those words even belong in the same sentence? Are they in the matrix?

“Are you sure?"

Alex rolls his eyes. "I'm sorry. For harassing you and being rude. I would give you an excuse but, um, I don't really have one. I just was really upset and I know it's not your fault because you didn't even know, but I still got mad at you and that's not right. I guess I was jealous of you. I think a part of me still is. But you still deserve an apology, so–I’m sorry." His voice is shaky and his words come out all in one breath but Ryan doesn't seem to care because—

Oh. Ryan leans forward and kisses him square, dab smack, completely, on the lips. It lasts about five seconds, but it's much too short for Ryan's liking, even if he is the one pulling away.

"I'm sorry," He says, shutting the door harshly not another second after that. Alex, surprised, dazed, confused, everything all at once, tries to get Ryan to stay just an ounce longer.

"W-Wait! Uh, text me?"

He leans a little closer to the door to hear Ryan better through the barrier.

"Uh-huh!"

Ryan sees Dallon's head poke out from the hallway and he blushes.

He blinks. "Are you okay?" He asks, unknowing to the fact that the other had just kissed his ex boyfriend.

Ryan nods. "Yeah, um…creepy guy next door." Dallon doesn't get to ask before Ryan is changing the topic. “Don't lean like that. You'll open your cuts.".

.

Ryan isn't sure what he's gotten himself into. Because right now, his ex boyfriend is in his bed half naked, and said ex-boyfriend's other ex boyfriend that he was cheating on is texting Ryan, flirting with him through now unblocked Facebook accounts.

This is not going to turn out well. Even so, Ryan can't find it in him to stop and come clean.

Does this count as cheating? No, right?

Maybe he should quit while he's ahead.

Ryan clears his throat, tasting a bittersweetness on his tongue. A sleeping Dallon squeezes his hip, snoring into his back.

Alex

I wish I could've come inside.

Ryan

Stop by another time and maybe you can fulfill that wish x2.

Maybe Ryan's excited by such clandestine activities.

And none of them are technically together.

Cheating or not, Ryan is probably a terrible person for this.

He puts his phone down.

He wonders if Dallon ever regretted it. How he felt being a real cheater, and playing with his and Alex’s hearts. Did he feel guilty? Although they aren't dating, Ryan already feels a pit of regret in his stomach. How could Dallon keep his act up?

Ryan doesn't even know how he's gotten so far. Telling Dallon that he's never going to get a chance again, and that they could get together when the moon explodes. Telling himself that if Alex were to ever approach him for anything, he'd turn the other way and keep walking without a second thought.

And now they're both wrapped around his finger.

His phone lights up with another message. Alex, always a double texter. Dallon pulls him closer. Always a cuddler.

Or he's wrapped around both of theirs.

Ryan finds that after ten minutes of tossing and turning, he's not going to get much sleep with so many thoughts in his head.

So he scoots out of Dallon's arms with careful precision, and trods to the kitchen for something to drink.

Hmm. Hennessy or warm milk? Decisions decisions.

And in the midst of heating some milk up in the microwave, he hears some movement and sees one half of the culprit to his racing mind.

“Can't sleep?”

Ryan shakes his head, not bothering to run away from the heat Dallon's body brings him when he stands just in front of him. They don't even have to hug and Ryan is melted away.

“Did I wake you up?” He grabs his mug from the microwave before it can beep way too loud for the hour of night it is.

Dallon hums. “Only halfway.” He leans against the fridge. “Can we talk?” Ryan tries to tune out the rumbles of Dallon's voice. His throat sounds dry but his tone is desperate.

Ryan sighs. “There’s nothing to talk about. You came over, I told you I wouldn't sleep with you, I slept with you anyways. This is how it always goes.” He says, mostly annoyed that the pattern will continue after this. He's been sick of playing house.

Dallon crosses his arms, unamused. “And you're upset. Like usual.” He points out, waiting for an explanation. Ryan usually never gives in, but he seems extra touchy feely this time around.

So Ryan does what he does best. He lies.

If he shouldn't have both, one is okay.

“We can't keep doing this. I want to stop.”

Dallon doesn't react to the information. “For how long?” He asks, just like any normal question. It worries Ryan a little.

“Forever, Dallon.” Ryan groans into his hand hearing it being said aloud. “I don't want to do this. Sleeping around is getting old. You're the same. Cheating on another guy for me. I'm not going to let you ruin my life on top of yours.”

“I guess I can't be upset with you, then.”

“If you were, I wouldn't care. I'm telling you because I find this type of thing morally wrong. Not because it's you."

Dallon nods. “It's okay. I get it. Do you uh…want me to leave now? I'll get my stuff, I-” before he can get the chance to turn around and book it, Ryan stops him, similar to how he did earlier that night.

“That's not what I said. Just because you have a boyfriend doesn't mean he's not the usual shitbag you always get. You're staying here. But no bullshit. I mean it.”

Dallon looks relieved just to hear that, but he doesn't say anything more. Ryan sighs. “I'll sleep on the couch.”

“Ryan–”

“I'll sleep on the couch.” He says again, serious. “And we'll still be…friends. And I'm not mad at you.”

He doesn't know why he picked Alex over Dallon. It was a last minute decision. Maybe it's because he knows how Dallon is. Maybe because he's secure knowing that at least Alex won't cheat. At least they'll be something more than sleeping buddies.

Something like real boyfriends.

Chapter Text

Alex is a terrible, terrible person. A horrible person. He didn't mean to feel this way towards Dallon. Not when he already feels the same way for Ryan.

It's not like he wanted to think about his ex boyfriend when he was happily going on dates with someone much better. It's not like he purposefully has been checking the man's social media every three hours, waiting, anticipating for the moment his relationship status turns from taken to single. For the second he takes that stupid guy's name out of his bio and replaces it with the song quote that was there before.

Alex tries to convince himself that he's just worried. He knows Dallon doesn't have a very good safety radar when picking out men to date. He's no stranger to his usual advances. After they had broken up, Dallon had sent an uncountable amount of messages about his stupid new boyfriend and how much he missed the way he felt when they were still together.

He never mentioned the fact that he cheated.

Alex puts his phone to charge and grabs a towel. He won't be like Dallon. Maybe.

“I'm gonna hop in the shower. There's food in the kitchen if you're hungry."

Ryan nods, watching Alex awkwardly limp over to the bathroom. Maybe he's a little bit of a bad fuck, not cleaning off him off right after they had sex. But he was winded and absolutely exhausted. It's been a while since he was on top.

He didn't ask Alex why he looked so conflicted, or why he did everything in his power to make it look like he wasn't trying to hide whatever he was looking at on his phone. He doesn't want to ruin what they have.

Finally, Ryan is happy. He's dating slash friends-with-benefiting someone, and Dallon broke up with his boyfriend, so he's got an apartment somewhere else and won't have to stay at his place. He's at peace. He won't ruin that with finding something he doesn't want to find.

And he especially won't ruin it by telling Alex what he was doing the night they first kissed.

Ryan gets up and trods to the kitchen with a sigh, in search of something to drink.

After finding the corner Alex stashes his water bottles in, Ryan decides he's not very hungry and so makes his way back to the bed to nap. It was a long morning, and Ryan doesn't have classes, so yes, he'll take that to his advantage.

Just before he lays down, he plugs his phone into Alex’s charger, and right as he does this, he gets a text from none other.

Speak of the devil and he may appear.

(548)-359-7904

Ryan

Can I ask you something?

Ryan groans. He recognizes those last four digits like the back of his hand. He deleted his number for a reason.

If it's to stay at my house again, you already know the answer.

(548)-359-7904

You don't have to be a dick about it.

What do you want from me?

(548)-359-7904

Has Alex talked to you recently?

He keeps viewing my FB profile.

Ryan groans once more. Of fucking course.

No, he hasn't.

Sounds like a you problem.

Block him if it bothers you so much.

(548)-359-7904

How come you have him added?

Ryan groans. Again. This isn't going to turn out very well.

None of your business.|

He frowns, hesitating before sending the message. That'll lead Dallon to question more. He backspaces his text.

He tried apologizing or something. I had to add him to text him back.

(584)-359-7904

Eat my dick, asshole.

I know how Facebook works.

What? Are you fucking him behind my back?

Behind your back???

Do me a favor and go to therapy. clearly you've been fucking brendon for far too long. I

was never your boyfriend. You were never mine. I'm a grown adult and what I do in my free time, whether it's your ex or your mother–it has nothing to do with it being behind your back. You're just fucking selfish.

(584)-359-7904

Selfish? We had sex and all of a sudden you're riding Alex's dick and lying to my face about it.

I asked you a simple question. When Alex comes trying to get back with me, you can go fuck yourself for getting mad about nothing.

Suck a dick.

How could such a fucked up thing happen in only the span of two weeks?

Anger bubbles in Ryan's stomach and he can't help himself when he begins plotting out how to confront Alex once he leaves the shower.

So much for keeping his fucking peace. So much for being a good person.

He really feels like a loser. Maybe that's his own fault. He quit.

But fucking hell, is it so hard to not be a prick?

“Are you talking to Dallon?"

Alex scoffs, tossing his towel on the bed. It's something Dallon would always scold Ryan for. Something that Ryan suddenly doesn't like, because there's no one to hang it up, and the towel will smell gross and the bed will be soaked.

“Seriously, Ryan?" Ryan hears alarm bells ringing in his head but he tries not to listen to them.

“He cheated on me. I don't give a rat's ass about him. Where are you even getting this from?"

"He texted me.”

Alex crosses his arms, giving Ryan an accusatory look of his own. "Didn't you block him?”

"He got a new number. And he needed his shirt back the one day.”

"What did he even say?” Alex puts his hand up. "Oh, wait, let me guess. He told you I texted him, when he was the one that texted me first to give me a questionnaire on us being friends on Facebook? No? Did he tell you to watch out when my own step brother comes around, because our relationship is so weird? Still no? Or what, did he make up another bullshit lie like he always does?"

Ryan swallows back a lump in his throat. "He told me you kept viewing his Facebook profile.”

"Seriously?” He asks again, laughing. "So you came up with that!? He's fucking crazy! Why are you believing him!?"

Here Ryan goes. Getting mad at nothing.

"I just asked you to be honest with me. You don't have to yell.” He shakes his head and stands up, hurrying to the bathroom so Alex won't see him already crying. He slams the door behind himself.

Ryan looks in the mirror, trying to grasp what exactly is wrong with him.

All he can think about is how this is his fault.

He sniffles and covers his face in his hands, embarrassed for himself. He can't keep doing this.