Archive of Our Own ^beta

Oh my God.

Was that her? Surely not. It couldn’t be… right?

Judy squinted, up on her toes to see over the shoulders of people much taller than her, but sure enough. It was her.

Violet Newstead.

She was dancing on top of one of the tables of the bar, singing along to the song. Her blonde hair cascaded down her shoulders, falling into her face as she moved. Her hips swayed to the music. Judy couldn’t help but notice how different her attire was from her work clothes. She traded her usual blouse and skirt for black skin tight pants and a white t-shirt that seemed like it was made for her specifically. She watched, entranced, until someone bumped into her.

“Oops, sorry!”

Judy looked beside her and saw nothing but a flash of a smile and warm auburn hair.

“She’s killing it, isn’t she?”

Judy spluttered, finding her mouth difficult to control as she managed to tear her eyes away from Violet’s performance.

The woman she ran into just laughed.

“I’m Roz.” She held out her hand that wasn’t occupied by what Judy believed was… tequila? Judy took her hand and shook it.

“Judy Bernly.” She smiled, albeit weakly. She felt so out of sorts here, but Violet had mentioned this place before. As she was heading out of the office earlier, she had invited Judy and she would be insane to say no. She just did not expect to see the scene before her, and didn’t expect for it to make her feel so many butterflies.

Roz watched as Judy’s eyes lingered on Violet, smirking slightly.

“Know her?”

Judy nodded, turning back to Roz with big brown eyes. She didn’t seem to know what to do with her hands right now. She was clutching her skirt with a nervousness that seemed to emanate noticeably from her. At least she assumed so, because Roz was dragging her to the bar.

“Sam, another round for my friend Judy here.” Roz said to the tall bartender, who smiled and nodded at Judy as he poured her a glass. She took it from him, eyeing the contents before looking at Roz, who encouraged her. She tossed it back, and felt the warmth all over, down through her neck, down her throat, and throughout her stomach. She sighed, sitting down onto the stool next to Roz.

“So, tell me about it.”

Judy looked at her puzzled.

“About what?”

Roz simply laughed, looking at her knowingly.

“C’mon. You know exactly what I mean.”

Judy felt her face pale. Surely she wasn’t that transparent… but of course she was. Her hands began to shake as she looked down at the bar top in front of her. What was Roz going to say? She couldn’t even define it herself, but she had an inkling of what her feelings were and she sure couldn’t take it if she was that transparent. What would it mean for her job? What about the-

“Judy?”

Judy snapped back to reality to Roz’s concerned voice. She looked at Judy with furrowed brows, reaching out to touch her arm to ground her.

“It’s okay. I promise. It’s okay.”

A brunette woman came up beside Roz, leaning in close before sitting on the stool next to her, their hands slowly lacing under the table. This did not go unnoticed by Judy, who looked up with what she was sure was a confused look on her face.

“This is Lilith. She’s my girlfriend.”

Judy felt her heart flutter oddly at that. They were… Wow. She sighed, relaxing against the bar top. She smiled.

“You make a cute couple.” She meant it. They connected in a way that was visible to even the most firm deniers.

Roz and Lilith smiled at each other. Roz’s warm brunette hair complimented Lilith’s almost black brunette, though that seemed to be their thing. Roz’s warm exuberant demeanor with Lilith’s calm, reserved one. She saw Lilith lean in and press a soft kiss on Roz’s cheek. Judy couldn’t help but look around on their behalf and make sure no one had seen. Though, as she looked around, she couldn’t help but notice the other women latching onto each other. The men coupled together. Curious.

Roz giggled, bringing Judy back to the moment.

“So?”

Judy suddenly remembered she was supposed to be talking.

“She’s my coworker. She mentioned that she came here and invited me tonight and I just…” Judy’s words failed her as she looked back over to the table, seeing Violet enjoy herself. She looked so free, so happy. Judy had always wondered what that would look like on her, and it looked beautiful.

“Oh, you’re talking about Vi?” Lilith chimed in, following Judy’s gaze. Her head whipped around, looking at Lilith with wide eyes.

“You know her?” Her voice squeaked a little bit, but she couldn’t help it.

“She’s a regular here. She loves karaoke night.” Lilith smiled and nodded.

Judy looked back at Violet, who was lost in her own little world. She took the opportunity to look around at the crowd. Everyone here… they were…

“What is here exactly? I mean, what…” Judy stumbled over her words, not quite knowing how to word her question in a tactful way. She had her suspicions, but she needed confirmation.

“Cheers is a gay bar.” Roz said matter-of-factly, and Judy swore she felt the floor fall out under her.

It was a what? Her eyes widened and she felt her mouth fall open a little before she remembered her drink and picked it up, drinking again. She let the warm burn of the drink wash away her anxiety and the words attempting to climb their way out of her throat.

The song changed, and Violet climbed off the table, headed over to the bar. Judy felt the urge to flee, though she wasn’t even sure why. Her presence here seemed like a declaration of sorts, one she wasn’t even sure she was certain of. She swallowed another swig of her drink before she felt the taller woman’s presence beside her.

“Judy, you made it!” Violet’s arms wrapped her into a hug, and she almost tipped off the stool. Violet giggled, catching her. Judy was struggling for breath for a moment.

“Careful now.” She smiled, stroking Judy’s shoulder and she was sure just that contact was setting her skin alight. What had gotten into her?

Violet ordered a round of drinks for the four of them. She was talking to Roz and Lilith, and Judy felt herself spacing out. She was just trying to process everything that was happening. Violet was a regular at a gay bar. That didn’t necessarily mean she was gay. She couldn’t even begin to ponder her own thoughts on her own sexuality, why was she trying to ponder Violet’s. Did it even matter? Judy was always one who wanted labels on things, liked things wrapped in a little bow. There was a beauty in being able to identify herself, things she liked, things that comprised her. Not everyone felt that same inclination, but it was something she needed. Why couldn’t she just figure it out? Why did it feel like she was incapable of that sort of introspection?

“Judy?”

Violet’s voice snapped her out of her haze. She shook her head and smiled, meeting her eyes. How blue they were.

“Can you give us a second?” Suddenly, Violet was standing, taking Judy by the arm and leading her away from Roz and Lilith.

She swallowed, following Violet back to the pool room. No one was in there since the party was out in the main area, which gave Judy a moment of relief. She sat down on the couch, her hands covering her face as she rested her elbows on her knees.

“Everything okay?” Violet’s hand was on her back, rubbing comforting circles. Judy leaned in to the touch slightly, but nodded.

“I just don’t drink much. If at all.” Judy said, letting her hands fall from her face. “Guess it’s getting to me.” She tried to laugh, but it came out weird.

Violet’s expression was unreadable, but her hand kept rubbing circles on her back.

“You don’t like it here, do you?”

Judy immediately shook her head. No, no that wasn’t it. But what was it?

“No, that’s not it. Roz and Lilith were really sweet. I just… I don’t know.” Judy bit her lip, feeling her stomach flip over inside her. “Can I ask you something?”

Violet nodded, leaning back onto the couch, making herself more comfortable.

“Did you know that this is a gay bar?”

Violet’s expression changed to something Judy couldn’t recognize, but she nodded. So she did know? Of course she did. It was a silly question, but she was hoping that maybe Violet would expound on that. When she didn’t, Judy pressed more.

“What… I mean.. You…” She stumbled over her words again. They seemed to fail her tonight. Something about this had her thrown off balance, even more so than usual. Thankfully, Violet took pity on her, and continued.

“I’m queer, Judy.”

Judy stopped breathing, looking into Violet’s eyes. She knew what being queer was, knew what was said about it. She had heard mumblings about it when she was younger, nasty horrible things. She hadn’t heard about it again until college, when her roommate brought another girl back to their apartment. Then, it hadn’t been a problem for her. It never had. So, why was she struggling so hard at forming sentences now?

Violet was patient as Judy seemed to face an internal battle. She spoke softly.

“Tell me what you’re thinking. Speak out loud.”

Judy sighed, letting the words pour out of her like water. She couldn’t think in coherent sentences, let alone speak coherent ones, but she tried her best.

“I don’t know. I just feel so many things.. Don’t know what it means… Don’t know who I am? What am I supposed to… Maybe I have questions about things… I don’t know.. Then you… You’re here and it’s.. Seeing you up there on the table-”

Judy was cut off by a soft kiss. Her eyes widened and she froze, waiting for a moment before tentatively kissing her back, the feel of a woman’s lips so different from the men she had kissed before. It was so nice. It tasted much sweeter, felt so much softer, and made warmth bloom in her chest. She kissed back with a little more determination, her shaking hand making it’s way up to Violet’s cheek before they pulled apart. She looked at Violet with big eyes, her lipstick smeared onto Violet’s lips.

“Oh.” Judy simply said, a hand coming up to her own lips, as if to touch and verify it was real. Violet smiled at her, leaning back a little to give Judy a little space.

“You okay?”

Judy caught her breath again after a moment and nodded, a smile finding its way onto her face despite herself.

“Yes. Yes. I’m very okay.”

She grinned, feeling like she had finally caught her footing. Like maybe things were making sense. She leaned in once more.