Chapter Text
Gon loved traveling with Ging.
He really did. After parting with Killua at the world tree, he embarked on journey unlike anything he had experienced in his life. At 14 years old he discovered that he had not really seen much of the world at all. Ging took him to places that stole his breath, even as a nature-adoring teenie who had spent most of his life on an exotic island, he was left in awe at how much more there was to see and learn. Ging proved that even though his skills were lacking in certain domains such as parenthood and punctuality, he made up for it in his vast knowledge of the world - outside of the dark continent, which he deemed way too dangerous for both of them - and his wisdom, skill, motivation and experience. Said world was so much bigger than Gon could ever have imagined and he eagerly encouraged Ging to show him even more as they discovered one nation after another.
Their eyes spared not a single corner of the world. They ate various kinds of dishes local to the places they visited, helped people in need and enjoyed evenings filled with dancing, singing and bonfires. They learned about many cultures, rituals and befriended many kind people. They discovered new animals and plants, recording their existence in a little book and relaying the informacion when they happened to stumble upon the Hunter Association Quarters at some point in their journey.
So right now, Gon is the happiest person on the entire fucking planet with his eyes almost bulging out as he admired the huge whale from the ferry he is on. It is gigantic and has a beautiful blueish color. His stunned expression gently falls into a soft smile. Then there is a hint of sadness, because he thought-
“Gon let’s sit down now. This will take at least another hour.”
With Ging humming away next to him, slowly dozing off with his head dangling here and there, Gon’s gaze is fixed on the seemingly endless ocean that melted into the broad horizon. He thinks about their destination: Whale Island. It took him four years of persuading and a lot of whining and dish-washing to convince Ging to pay Aunt Mito a visit and to stop their journey for a quick break , or even “vacation”, in their hometown. Now, the day has finally come and he just simply cannot wait to see his aunt again. He had seen her from time to time, but it’s always pleasant, especially with Ging tagging along this time.
So yes, he should be. Happy, that is. Though something has been bothering him for awhile now.
It’s been four years since they parted at the world tree, and the first few weeks after that were fine, blissful even with the amount of trips and training sessions he had with the star hunter. In-between sparring with Ging he also worked on regaining his Nen, though he did not treat it as a pressing issue. However, there was a different, very pressing matter at hand indeed, which started once the first few weeks had passed and lasted until this very day.
The problem, this nagging empty feeling in his gut and the unbearable, overwhelming emotions he‘s been facing quite often lately, is that something is amiss, or rather, missing. A certain presence, a certain companion, a friend … just so many things that can be tied to one person and one person only. A name that has been etched onto his mind and into his being more than ever, one that is on the verge of completely taking control over his thoughts and feelings. A name that is so close, so familiar, and yet, it is so painfully far away that his eyes sting whenever these thoughts surface. A name engraved into his soul, a name he has said over and over and over again:
Killua.
Three weeks after the farewell, Killua texted him that he would have to lay low for a while. His family had been relentless, chasing him and tracking him down all the goddamn time. Gon was worried, of course, though it had also drowned a little bit in the intensity of his new adventures. Still, he had texted Killua every night up to that point, sometimes lengthy descriptions of what he did that day and exciting things he saw or just a quick good night text. No matter what, he would always shoot a message before falling into deep slumber.
Only when they stopped texting everyday Gon noticed that it was keeping him where he was, at Ging‘s side. He thought he would be okay, but not having his best friend with him, not traveling with him, not seeing him and not being able to talk to him whenever he wanted to was taking a toll on him, which, mind you, he did not expect at all. Gon thought he would be fine, more than fine even once he achieved his goal, but here he was, longing for Killua like he hadn’t ever longed for anything else on his entire life.
Five weeks into separation, Gon left a message on Killua's voicemail again:
Hey Killua
I know that you can‘t respond right now, but I‘m really worried about you so here I go
Are you alright? Eating well? I hope so. Please relay my regards to Alluka.
…
Would it be weird to say that I miss you like crazy?
Not rarely does he leave the bathroom and announce that: “The shower is free now, Killua!“ to an empty room. Quite often he holds up food in the air in hope that a certain someone would give it a taste, only to be met with nothingness. All the damn time he thinks back to funny moments that they shared together and asks whether he also remembers, only to be greeted by Ging’s utterly confused visage.
So actually no, Gon is not happy at all and what does not help his case is the fact that he hasn’t seen Killua in four years. Sure, he had already expected that Killua wouldn’t answer his message, but he thought the danger would pass soon… He just misses his best friend, alright? He just wants to see him and travel together again, is that too much to ask for? He consulted Ging about the matter, but he just shrugged and said:
„I‘m sure he‘ll reach out one of these days.“
***
Once their ship docked Gon was actually happy that he hadn‘t told aunt Mito about their sudden visit. Sure, he had went back home and seen her a few times in the last few years, but since he‘s bringing Ging with him this time, he wanted to make it a surprise. He breathes in the fresh air of his hometown and greets the numerous people who recognize him and bombard him with affectionate conversation: „Oh look at you! You‘ve grown so much.“ or „Oho, you look dangerous now, unlike when you caught the fish all those years back to convince Mito!“ He gladly accepts the compliments and only then does he notice that his body has changed a lot indeed. Since the process of regaining his nen was coming along very slowly, he felt uneasy with being weak and not being able to protect himself, so he had decided to build some muscles along with his usual activities. He thanked those people and offered to lend a hand here and there, carrying big boxes and helping the old ladies with their bags.
Once he had spend a considerable amount of time reconnecting with the townspeople, he collected the daydreaming Ging who awkwardly roamed around under the cautious stares and started making his way towards the hill. He was bigger now, however, his bright smile remained and stretched across his face once he sighted his childhood house and ran towards it like an excited toddler.
„AUNT MITOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO“
Ging scrunched his nose next to him, mumbling something under his breath but Gon was already sprinting towards the door and banging on it in the blink of an eye. Even though he had seen her a year ago, he felt giddy everytime. Maybe he‘s just growing clingier with age but his aunt, his mom‘s embrace always lifts a burden from his shoulders, no matter how old he is.
The handle dips and the door swings open and while Gon was imagining Aunt Mito‘s surprised and delighted face, he freezes on the spot.
The reason simply being that instead of his aunt, Alluka’s big, blue eyes were staring back at him.
…
There was an extremely heavy silence in the air as the two people stared into each other's eyes. Gon's face was still contorted in utter confusion, trying to make sense of the sight in front of him, while Alluka's delicates features displayed surprise and an ounce of… annoyance?
"Al-"
"Fuck."
Fuck? Did she just say fuck? Alluka, the sweet little girl from back then?
Before he could produce another thought, the door slams shut right in front of his face. Is Gon starting to see things? Surely that couldn’t have been Alluka’ Zoldyck in his house. Even though he isn‘t at home often, he always kept in touch with Mito. He called her regularly, he would immediately find out if Killua or even Alluka showed up at her doorstep. That is another important aspect to consider, why would those two be apart? Except if they‘re not, then that would mean…
Ging, who took an eternity to climb the hill behind him, finally appears next to him and groans as he sees Gon, who was suddenly breathless, staring at the house. "What the hell are you standing here for? Knock or something, this heat is so annoying."
His hand in the air, ready to knock again, ready to tear this door down if he needs to, he starts saying: "I did but-"
Ugh. He sighed mentally. Why did nobody let him finish his sentences and what was going on?
"Gon.“ The new voice intervenes. This time around, it belonged to his aunt. Perfect, he thinks, just the person to give me answers. Contrary to his expectation though, she was not crushing him in a motherly hug as he had anticipated. Instead, she looks at him with wariness as she says: "You did not tell me that you would be visiting this month." She gives Ging a quick look and Gon can see her resolve falter for the split of a second before she quickly recovers her unreadable expression again. "And I see that you have brought a guest with you."
"Right…. No, I didn’t. I wanted it to be a surprise" He isn't used to the stiff gaze his aunt is presenting right now, so he pronounces every single word carefully and clearly. "I did not assume that it would be a problem. Is it?"
She looks both of them up and down and weirdly enough, she seems disappointed all of a sudden. Gon let’s out the breath he didn’t know he was holding as he notices that it does not seem to be directed towards them.
„Of course not, honey pie. Just.. unexpected. I‘m so glad to see you. Give me a hug now, will you?" Even though the worry didn’t dissipate from any of their faces, Gon’s shoulders visibly relaxed as he pulled his aunt into a tight embrace.
She has always been there for him. Cooking for him, washing his clothes, listening to his stories about his adventures and raising him to be who he is today. Of course, he developed a lot on his own, but without aunt Mito's unconditional love that he basked in ever since he was a child, he wouldn’t have made it here. “I missed you, my dear.” She says as she tries to reach and pet his hair.
Would it be weird to say that I miss you like crazy?
Naturally, he was very happy to see his aunt again, but he would be lying if he said that that’s what he’s thinking about right now. He had a million questions, but there was one burning on his tongue and Gon is surprised that his voice doesn’t betray him as he hastily asks: “Aunt Miso, is he here?”
She pulls back from the hug and employs her poker face once more as she attempts to act dumb. “What do you mean? Who?”
Gon’s head is spinning too fast as to be patient, he does not want to get his hopes up. Also, after all she did for him and all the time he spent living here, why is she lying to him now? “Cut the act, please. I know what I saw. I trust my senses and you should know that best.” His face is hard and his resolve won’t falter, but neither does Miso's. Ging's expression has also turned serious since the shift in the mood.
“My brother isn't here.” Gon has never turned around so fast in his life. There stands Alluka, who had grown into a beautiful woman and cut her hair, which now ended at her collarbone, holding his desperate stare as he searches for answers in her eyes. He tries to mask the disappointment. On one hand, he is happy that these secrets were coming to an end, though hurt that there were any between his aunt and him in the first place. On the other hand though, the news of a certain person’s absence just worsened his mood.
Meanwhile, Mito addresses Alluka, beyond confused: “Why did you come out? You know of your brother’s wishes. We went through this.”
Despite how annoyed Gon is at them for ignoring his presence and slightly dizzy from the thoughts razing in his head, he's also intrigued. Killua's wishes? He would do a lot to make those come true.
“I’m aware. But one, he wouldn’t like to be the reason why you argue with your son. Two, Gon saw me, not much to hide and no reason for you to become a liar. And lastly, I'm sick of this.” Her gaze coolly shifts to Gon. She looks him up and down, her face showing an emotion that he cannot decipher. It’s not a good one though. Deep, raw, sad. It scared him. When did they become like this? When Killua and him parted, the young girl liked him very much. Even though they didn’t get to spend much time together- which he still deeply regrets- they had fun trying different foods, telling each other jokes and teasing an annoyed, red-eared Killua with anecdotes about him.
.“He should know," she concludes, harshly dragging him back to reality, and enters the house leaving the door open after her.
Mito is stunned, but more importantly, she looks like she looks dejected. Luckily, the mister who has been silent up until now, finally decides to speak up in the right moment. “Well, that was intense. Anyone else crave tea right now or just me?”
Gon squeezes his temple with his index ringer and his thumb and fights another sigh. This is going to be a long day, he thinks in displeasure.
***
"What the hell is going on here?" Is the first thing he says once they sat down at the kitchen table. "Allow me to explain." Is what Alluka says, however, her face stated loud and clearly: Would you please stop being so impatient motherfucker? Thank you very much.
Sadness surged through his veins, he didn’t want their relationship to be like this. He thought if- no, when they reunited, he’d tell her how much she’s grown, how much he had regretted not spending more time with her and Nanika, how much she looks like a certain someone.
“I’ll get straight to the point because I don’t want you to ask pointless questions. Brother and I had to run away for a short while until he settled things with our family, but we’re free now. You can ask him for the details yourself if you ever see him again-“
“If I ever? What is that supposed to mean?” Gon stumbled over his words, flabbergasted at the implication that he might never see his best friend again. Alluka clears her throat and shoots him an accusing look, evidently annoyed at his interruption. “Nothing. I’m sure you'll see him soon. As I was saying, after we had gained freedom, we travelled together. It was beautiful, but as a wanderer yourself, I’m sure you’re aware without me going into detail.” No, tell me everything. He wanted to scream that and make the whole room shake. Tell me where you went, what you saw, ate and bought. Tell me how Killua reacted to everything, if he still looks ethereal when he gazes at the stars - what a question, of course he does- and why, if they had broken free, said beautiful person hadn’t answered to his messages in years. Wait, what the fuck was he thinking?
“Since we had to earn our own money now, Killua took his job as a Hunter very serious and has made a name for himself. I’m sure you’re well informed, Mr. Freecs.” Ging seems to ponder it for a moment with his usual sleepy expression, clearly not interested in this drama as he simply says “Am I now?”
Alluka shakes her head slightly, her black locks moving along on her shoulders. Gon wonders momentarily whether Killua had cut his hair too or let it grow. The similarities between the two are making it hard to focus on the conversation. Whenever he looks at her, he's reminded of the pretty silver-haired boy who makes him smile until his face hurt. Wait, what is he thinking again? Focus Freecs!
"Actually, he's on a mission as we speak, but more about that later. We settled down in an apartment in Yorknew City and worked. It was tough, but luckily his friends helped out a lot. Gon’s shoulders tense as he senses an ugly turn of events coming. "Which friends exactly, if I might ask?" Alluka's eyes widen. It's obvious that he caught her off guard. She stares at him intently and waits before answering, as if letting the question sink in and deciding how much she wants him to know. She takes a deep breath and switches back to her I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude before finally answering: “Ikalgo, for example.” Of course, why hadn’t Gon thought of that? He called a lot of people in his desperate attempt to find Killua. Kurapika, Leorio, Bisky and many more. A very unpleasant feeling invades his heart at the thought of Ikalgo helping Killua move instead of him. It’s uncomfortable beyond comprehension. What bothers him even more though is her reaction. He would bet all ten fingers that she is hiding something, but what and why?
“He still lives there “, Gon makes a mental note to ask where exactly later, not wanting to earn another death glare from Alluka for interrupting her, " I want something of my own, but my brother is unbelievably busy and occupied with his latest mission, which is of utmost importance. So, I moved in with Aunty Mito since brother said that it was safe here and that I could learn a thing or two from Aunty.“ She glances up at Mito and smiles at her. It’s the first time Gon sees anything positive from Alluka today and his heart melts as he looks at his aunt returning the warm smile. Then, Gon notices something, because as heartwarming as this is, a deep bond like this doesn’t appear overnight. “How long have you been here?”
That successfully brings Alluka back to the topic at hand “Well, once I was here, I quickly realized that my brother was right about everything. It's peaceful here, there is always beautiful scenery and Aunty taught me so many things about myself that my mother never did. I’m considering moving here, though brother is not very fond of the idea because of the distance. He wouldn’t oppose though, he just wants me to be happy." She looks very sad when those words leave her lips. He fights the urge to reach out and give her a reassuring hug. Thankfully, his aunt lovingly pats her back instead. "Thanks.” Alluka begins again, " As for your question, I came here shortly after your last visit so… a year, I think?"
She had been here without Gon knowing for a whole year. The one thing that was now left unsaid hung in the air like a ticking time bomb. Mito looked guilty and avoided his eyes at all cost. Ging sipped his tea and if Gon didn’t know any better, he would have said that Ging looks bored out of his mind. He once again focuses on Alluka, hoping and silently begging her to stop concealing the truth. As if she could read his mind, her next words were: "No can do.” She stands up and walks over to a window. They can only see her back as she continues. "It is not my place to tell you why my brother chose to leave you in the dark about this, nor why he stopped talking to you. I can say with confidence though that he did not do it with ill intent." Her breath sounds shaky as she turns back to look at them, eyes glossy. "There was not- no, I should leave it at that."
It was now Mito who shed a bit more light on the situation. "Killua showed up at my door with his little sister and asked me to take care of her for him. I had never seen him in such a state. The boy was soft as ever and I was delighted to see him again, but he had doubts about how to protect her on his new mission. Also, he wanted her to be able to talk to woman, a mother, about her life and not just only to him. He spent a day here, showing her around and telling me about his past adventures with you.” She finally looks at Gon with an apologetic expression. "That was when he begged me not to tell you. Saying that I was confused would be an understatement, I inquired over and over again as to why he came down to that decision,but it was pointless. That boy had made up his mind and who was I to decline his request when he already looked so tired."
The information floods Gon's brain. He envisions Killua sitting at this table, crying while asking Gon's very own aunt to keep his visit a secret for a reason that is still unknown. This was all too cryptic for him and he had never been good at riddles. He would just do what he does best, because all of this just made him more determined to hear Killua's side of the story. He is sick of waiting, he needs to take action.
"Where is he now?" Everyone stays silent. Ging watched him with interest, recognizing the glint in Gon's eyes. This must’ve been the fire that awakened when he decided to search for me. A quick glance at his son's face quickly proved him wrong though. No, this one is stronger. Good luck with trying to put it out.
He stood up and held his tea high up in the air. "Since when did Gon Freecs need clues to find someone?" He has a very eerie feeling in his core about this whole thing, and yet, Gon's soul is burning with passion as he makes up his mind. He is going to make this right.
He is going to find Killua, no matter the cost.