Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

NOTICE: This work will be deleted on October 30th 2025. I am working on a newer version that has already been posted

December 26th 1998

The air surrounding Hogwarts that December morning was dark, and felt so heavy. It was supposed to be a good day, it was Boxing Day and usually students that remained at the castle would be playing in the snow, or using the Christmas gifts they received. Or so Hermione thought, it was her first time spending the holidays at Hogwarts rather than with her parents. But she knew it wasn't supposed to feel this dark and ominous.

Hermione could tell the moment she woke up something was horribly wrong. The horrible pit in her stomach told her so. She couldn't tell if anyone else could feel it. Nobody else in her friend group had stayed at the castle for the holiday break. Everyone else had gone home to spend it with their family or friends. Her parents didn't remember her, so she couldn't have gone there. She refused to go to the burrow, no matter how much Ginny and Harry had begged her to come. It was too soon, too awkward to be around Ron for that long after the break up. Not to mention she was sure Molly Weasley hated her for breaking up with Ron.

She slowly got out of her bed, her dorm was empty. Parvati Patil hadn't come back for her eighth year and what would be her final. Hermione assumed with the loss of Lavender Brown it was too hard for Parvati to come back. Hermione would have her the whole dorm to herself for the year if not for Ginny being allowed to share the dorm with her.

She got ready quickly and walked down to breakfast, the feeling of dread only getting worse as she went. The great hall was nearly empty, except for two Hufflepuff girls, six Ravenclaws, and a few Gryffindors that were much younger than her. The Slytherin table was completely empty.

Hermione couldn't eat, not with the pit in her stomach. She hadn't felt this way in months, not since those nights spent in the tent, or right before the battle. But now, sitting in the great hall perfectly safe with Voldemort cold and dead, she couldn't shake the horrible feeling of impending doom that lay over her head.

As breakfast continued she was positive that things absolutely were not normal. Not in the slightest bit. It was little things she picked up, the Professors quietly whispering to each other at the table, all of them frowning and looking upset, the way even the ghosts seemed to be whispering to each other. But the biggest thing was the Slytherin table remained empty for the entire breakfast time. Not one Slytherin came down for breakfast. She knew there were multiple Slytherin students there for holiday break, she had seen them through the break. In fact now that she thought of it there must have been more Slytherin students that stayed more than any other house. The table was never empty.

She tried her best to listen in on the ghosts and other whispering throughout the day but never caught a piece of anything. Not when she went to the library after breakfast, or when she took a walk before lunch. Then at lunch it was the same thing, the Slytherin table stayed completely empty. No matter what she did during the day she couldn't shake the feeling of dread that followed her around the school. Something was definitely very wrong.

As she walked through the corridors she noticed she didn't even see a single Slytherin student in the castle. They must have all been in their dorms or common room, each and everyone spending the day in the dungeons. She didn't know if it was my force or all my choice. Either way it was far from normal, and only added to her dread.

It wasn't until dinner when she saw the Slytherin students. The Slytherin table was filled once again. But all of them were silent, deadly silent. There wasn't even whispering at their table.

The ghosts were still whispering to each other as they flew around. Some Professors are still slowly talking to one another.

Before food was even brought out a very upset and distraught looking Headmistress McGonagall stood at the podium and cleared her throat using her wand to amplify her voice throughout the hall. She took a second before she spoke, her voice shaking. “It's my duty to inform the student body of a tragedy that occured last night.”

McGonagall took another break while talking. It was clear to everyone in the hall that whatever she had to say was going to be hard for her.

But she persisted with her shaky voice echoing through the hall. “I'm very sorry to say last night one of our very own students took their own life.”

Hermione felt her heart drop and heard the gasps of many students in the hall. She couldn't make a sound, she was scanning the mostly empty hall trying to figure out who was missing. Who had ended their life on Christmas day?

She hadn't needed to figure it out as the Headmistress kept talking “Despite our best efforts in saving his life, I'm sorry to say Draco Malfoy passed away just before midnight last night.”

Hermione didn't hear anything else the Headmistress said, her head swimming in thoughts. Draco Malfoy? Draco Malfoy. Draco Malfoy was fucking dead. Draco Malfoy wasn't just dead, he had killed himself.

On instinct her eyes snapped over to the Slytherin table, for some reason she hoped more than anything it was a joke, that she would see that head of platinum blonde hair sitting with them, that those cold grey eyes would snap at her. Hell she even prayed to find him sneering at her like he often did, had. Like he had. But he wasn't there. Because Draco Malfoy was dead.

Hermione didn't know what to think. For some reason the first thing she thought about was how happy, how joyous Ron was going to be when he heard the news. Ron would probably throw a fucking party to celebrate Draco Malfoy killing himself.

But Hermione was not happy about this. For some unknown reason she felt devastated, that Draco Malfoy, the boy that had bullied her and was an ex death eater was dead. She felt like she was going to throw up, she felt sick to her stomach thinking about it. He had ended his life at eighteen and would never get to have a real life.

It hurt her heart to think of it. He was never going to graduate from school, he was never going to get a real job, he could never get redemption for the horrible things he had done, or have a wife and children. He would stay forever at eighteen now. Nobody would ever know what he could have been, he would always be remembered as he was. An ex death eater who took the mark at only sixteen, a bully who enjoyed hurting others. That was it. He was never going to get to have his life, his real life after school.

All she could think about was his cold lifeless body. Where did they move it? Had they moved it yet? Maybe they'd keep him somewhere in the dungeons, until they could bring it to his parents.

Oh God, his parents. Hermione had not even been a fan of Lucius or Narcissa Malfoy, but the idea of them finding out their son, their only child, had taken his life, made Hermione sick. Hermione had seen the pain losing a child had brought Molly Weasley. Hermione would never wish that kind of pain and sorrow on her worst enemy.

After the Headmistress was done talking most of the other students went back to normal. None of the Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, or the other Gryffindors seemed to even care that he was dead. They went to eating and talking. Hermione looked over at the Slytherin table where they were more quiet, some students were eating slowly. She tried to scan the table for any of his friends. But she couldn't remember who he even hung out with this year. Crabbe had died in the battle and she didn't think Goyle came back for eighth year. Pansy Parkinson seemed much too busy for anyone other than Blaise Zabini, who she was always with now and Blaise Zabini was too busy with Parkinson for anyone else.

Nobody at the Slytherin table even seemed upset, more like they were trying to be polite and act sad. But none of them seemed truly hurt over Malfoy passing away.

Hermione felt like she was in a daze the rest of the day. Like she was going through the motions but not really doing anything. She barely ate any of her dinner, not even tasting anything before she gave up. She pushed her plate away and went to the Gryffindor common room, to make her way to her dorm for the night.

She would deny it to anybody that asked but once alone in her bed, she cried. She sobbed over Draco Malfoy. She cried for the teenage boy who hated his life so much, he ended it.

She couldn't understand why it hurt so much to have him dead. She had hated Malfoy. He had made her’s, Harry's and Ron's lives all hell for years. He had tormented her, calling her name, constantly making fun of her appearance and blood status. He had snuck death eaters into the castle to kill Dumbledore. He had stood there and watched as his aunt tortured Hermione, he watched as his aunt carved that nasty scary into her flesh.

But she felt so devastated, and so heartbroken that he was no longer alive. So she cried, and cried until she eventually fell asleep.

The next morning she felt numb, she spent most of the day in her dorm. With no classes or work to distract her she had the whole day to wallow. She tried not to, she tried reading some of her books. Ate some of the candies she got from Ginny for Christmas, and tried to use the knitting guide Harry gifted her to make a sweater.

But nothing worked. All she could think about was how sad and desperate Malfoy must have been to end his own life. He must have thought things would never get better for him, he must have thought there was no way out.

She wondered how he did it, if he used magic or not. She couldn't imagine his wand would let him cast a killing curse on himself. Maybe a potion then? Or maybe he did it the muggle way, hung himself, or overdosed?

She didn't know and she didn't think she wanted to know either. That might make it all the worse.

She wondered what he was thinking about when he did it, if he regretted it right before he died, or if he was relieved? Did it hurt, or was he numb to the pain? Was dying easy for him, a relief?

She tried her best to remember the last time she had seen him. It was no secret that Draco wasn't the same this year as in years past. He was quiet now, she didn't even know if she had heard him talk all year. He no longer made fun of others or bragged about his life. He didn't make jokes with his friends or try to annoy others. He just sat there and did his work silently. She hadn't really paid attention to him all year despite having many classes with him. She didn't think he was worth the time.

She couldn't remember if she saw him at the Christmas feast just hours before he ended his life. Maybe she had, but she had been drinking butter beer and talking to a Ravenclaw boy a year younger than her.

She decided to go to bed early, the next day she decided she would leave her dorm and get over this. It wasn't her business that he was dead. She shouldn't care that he was about to be buried in the ground. Yet the thought of him decomposing in the dirt made her sick to her stomach.

That was the first night she had a nightmare about Draco Malfoy. She dreamed about his body under the earth, being eaten by worms and maggots. It was horrible. When she woke up at five in the morning she didn't dare go back to sleep.

That day she did leave her room, she went to breakfast but found herself staring at the spot he would have usually sat at across the hall. But he never showed up, like she knew he wouldn't. She went to the library, remembering the many times that year she had seen him there, reading a book with his head down. But he was no longer there.

It hurt her to think that Draco Malfoy would never read another book again.

Over the next four days it felt like she was constantly being haunted by thoughts of Draco Malfoy. His untimely and unnecessary death took over every thought she had. Every night she was haunted by nightmares about him, dead and rotting away.

On New Year's Eve, she went to the small memorial the school was having for him. She figured his family must have been planning a much larger funeral service for him at a later time.

It was surprisingly empty as she walked outside into the courtyard where it was being held. Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini sat in the front holding hands. Neither was crying. Next to them a tall boy with brown hair and brown eyes sat with his head in his hands. She thought his name was Theodore Nott but couldn't remember. The Hufflepuff boy who was the Hufflepuff team’s seeker sat in the second row, they must have played against each other. Other than Hermione, those four were the only other students that came. All the professors were there, sitting together. His mother was there, which surprised her, she thought Narcissa Malfoy was on house arrest. Narcissa must have gotten special privileges to come to this Next to Narcissa was a little girl with long curly blonde hair, she looked like she was only four or five. Hermione didn't know the girl. Hermione sat in the back alone.

It was hard to see it was an open casket service. His body was exposed to everyone in its black casket. He almost looked like he was only sleeping. He was as pale as he was in life, his hair done as perfectly as he styled it daily. He was dressed in a black suit he would have regularly worn. But he wasn't sleeping, Draco Malfoy was dead.

A priest of all things was there, performing the ceremony. Hermione didn't think Malfoy had been religious, she hadn't heard of pureblood families being religious. But to be honest she didn't know much about their culture.

The priest led prayers for his soul and said nice things. Hermione found herself in tears as the priest recited from the bible “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

It wasn't the words that made her cry, it was the way that Narcissa Malfoy had broken down and was loudly sobbing. Sobbing for her only son that was dead. When she saw the always put together witch break down, loudly sobbing, it made Hermione herself cry.

Hermione cried for not just for Narcissa, but for the life Draco Malfoy would never get to live now. She cried for the young man that hated his life so much he ended it. She cried and cried.

McGonagall came to speak, talking about Malfoy's great marks in classes and how intelligent he had been. She talked about his quidditch career. That was it. There was nothing really nice or kind that could be said about Draco Malfoy. He hadn't been a nice person, he had never done anything worth redemption.

Expect for when he purposely didn't identify Harry, or when he had thrown Harry his wand. But nobody talked about that. Instead McGonagall talked about his O.W.L.s and quidditch. It was a shame.

After McGonagall was done the priest said one more prayer, sprinkling what she thought was holy water onto Draco Malfoy's lifeless body before the casket was closed.

She wanted to leave the memorial right away. She felt wrong being there. She hadn't been his friend, she wasn't even his acquaintance. He hated her and she hated him. She almost felt like she was intruding onto his friends and his mother who was still sobbing. The little girl next to her trying to soothe her tears.

After the service was over she stood to leave and was nearly out of the courtyard when she heard a deep voice behind her “Granger.”

She quickly spun and saw Theodore Nott looking at her, right behind her. He looked like a mess, he had obviously been crying and he was still shaking. It was understandable from what she remembered he and Malfoy had been friends.

Hermione had never talked to him before, they never needed to talk. She looked at his face carefully before she softly responded “Yes?”

Theodore's voice was deep and it sounded like he had been crying “Um Mrs. Malfoy, Draco's mum, she wants to talk to you.”

Hermione was surprised and knew it showed “She wants to talk to me?”

Theodore nodded and gestured for Hermione to follow him. And she did. She didn't know why but she went with him.

To go talk to the woman who she hadn't seen since the battle. The woman whose sister tortured her in front of Malfoy and his parents. She followed Theodore.

Narcissa Malfoy was alone, the little girl now gone as she stood in an archway in the courtyard. The woman looked so sad, and so broken. But when Hermione stood in front of her she gave a polite smile and waved Theodore away.

Narcissa Malfoy looked perfect, dressed in elegant black robes, her blonde hair curled and styled to perfection, looking like spun silk. But by the look on her face it was so obvious she was a wreck. She had tears streaming down her face and looked like she hadn't slept in days.

Hermione knew she looked like a mess compared to the woman. Hermione was in the only pair of black robes she could find, which weren't the best. Her hair was a mess and everywhere, she knew it must look like a nest. She hadn't had the energy to do it. Her face has to have been red and splotchy from crying.

Narcissa Malfoy spoke in her posh voice “Good evening Miss Granger, thank you for coming to talk to me.”

Hermione nodded and responded “Good evening.”

Narcissa Malfoy kept speaking to her nicely, “I'm surprised you came, I wasn't aware you and my son were friends.”

Hermione shook her head “No, we weren't. I just um.. I wanted to pay my respects.”

Narcissa Malfoy stared at Hermione for what felt like forever before she spoke “He shouldn't be gone. He shouldn't have taken his life. He had years in front of him. But he stole his life away from himself.”

Hermione could only nod in response.

Narcissa Malfoy silently rifled through her purse before pulling out an item Hermione recognized, an item she thought no longer existed anywhere. A time turner.

Hermione was quick in her reply “What? Where did you get that?”

Narcissa shook her head “I've found Malfoys can get whatever they want.” She handed it out towards Hermione “I believe you've used one before, correct?”

Hermione nodded, not taking it. “Yes, in my third year, for classes.”

Narcissa pushed it towards her, until Hermione finally took it. The blonde witch sighed in relief “I need you to use this one, just one more time. Please, I have the date set, you just need to turn it.”

Hermione didn't understand “What? Why?”

Narcissa only said “It's set for September 2nd 1998, the second day of term.”

Hermione shook her head “Why would I need this?”

Narcissa softly said “I need you to go back, I need you to save my son. I need you to stop him from killing himself.”

Chapter Text

September 2nd 1998, again. 114 days until December 25.

Hermione was not a beginner when it came to time travel, she had done it countless times in her third year at Hogwarts. But she had never gone this far back before. She never traveled months into the past. The longest she had ever dared to go back before was twelve hours. She waited until she was alone in her dorm before making the trip. Initially she was worried about her former self, running into herself. But Narcissa Malfoy ensured she had taken care of, she would not have to worry about her past self. She allowed herself to let it go and not wonder what the blonde witch had done, for now. She had one goal, one important goal, to stop Draco Malfoy from ending his life. 

Even if he was a narcissist, and a pompous ass, he deserved a future, he deserved a life. Draco Malfoy deserved to finish school and find a career. He deserved to fall in love one day, get married and have a family. Most importantly she believed he deserved to have an opportunity to have redemption for the things he had done. She would make sure he would have that future, even if she had to drag him into it kicking and screaming. One thing she was sure of, Draco Malfoy was not going to kill himself in this new reality she was creating. Draco Malfoy was going to have a long life, he wouldn't die until he was old and gray, she would make sure of it. He was not going to end his life. Not ever again. 

She landed back in her dorm, it was the early morning, and she heard Ginny sleeping across the dorm, Hermione’s bed empty. As promised, the past Hermione was not something to worry about at the moment. She immediately stalked over to the calendar on her nightstand. It displayed the time and date September 2nd, 1998, 5:46 A.M. She let out a sigh of relief, still not fully believing she was back in time, back nearly four months in the past. She grabbed the calendar and sat on her bed, counting days, the days she had between now and Christmas day. The day Draco Malfoy had ended his life. She counted four times to make sure, she had 114 days, 79 days with classes. She let out a sigh of frustration, it wasn't enough. To most people that would seem like more time than needed. Not to Hermione, she didn't even know where to begin. It didn’t feel like it was enough time to save his life.

It wasn’t like she could just go up to Malfoy and say “Hey, I know you're planning on killing yourself but can you not?” No. That wouldn’t work. She’d have to try something else, and she didn’t even know where to begin. 

She circled December 25 in a large red pen in her calendar, to everyone else it would look like she was eager for Christmas day. Not to Hermione December 25 was doomsday, the day where she would find out if she was able to stop him or not. 

She went through her drawers trying to be as quiet as possible not to wake up Ginny as she found one of her empty journals, flipping to the first page. She had to document everything she knew about Malfoy, every stupid fact that might help her. If she treated him like a school project, she was sure it would work.

So she grabbed a quill and began to make her list, on to top of the page she wrote his full name “Draco Lucius Malfoy” after dipping her quill back in the ink she continued her list of facts about him “Slytherin, rich, pureblood, brat, tall, quidditch lover, seeker, blonde, gets decent marks, reads books, likes sweets, has a cute owl, asshole, bully.” That was all she could think about when she thought of things she knew about him, she didn’t dare add anything about his sorted past with Voldemort and having a dark mark. She decided it wasn’t important to the task at hand. More importantly she hated reliving those moments of her life. 

She glanced back at her clock; it was nearly seven in the morning. She had to get ready for the day, so she got up, grabbing her towel and clothes to take a quick shower before breakfast.  She took longer in the shower than expected, letting the hot water relax her tense muscles, trying to relieve the stress she was feeling. When she finally got put and changed, she used one of the hair charms she learned over the years to tame her mess of curls into a suitable looking ponytail. She grabbed her bag from the top of her trunk, noticing Ginny was already gone, and made her way down to the great hall. 

Like she had every day for years, she sat by Harry, and Ron at the Gryffindor table, both of the boys still eating. Harry smiled at her and Ron didn’t even look at her. She hadn’t thought of this, to Ron the breakup was still so fresh, only two weeks ago for him. Hermione had months to get over it, but he hadn’t yet. Ron was still hurt, still hoping Hermione would take it back and take him back but that wasn't going to happen. There was no reality in which that would happen. 

It had killed her to break his heart, but she had to. They weren’t right together, no matter how much Ron insisted it was destiny for them to end up together. It was not destiny, that kind of stuff, that kind of love did not exist. Being with Ron had felt so forced, she had to force herself to want him. She had to force herself to even find him the slightest bit attractive. Kissing him or touching him, even worse, him touching her had always felt awkward and so wrong for her. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't force herself to be in love with Ron. She loved Ron, but she wasn’t in love with him. In the end it just wasn’t enough for her, it would never be enough for her.

Breaking up with Ron had been the single hardest thing she had ever done. Going with Harry and fighting the dark lord, destroying horcruxes, and fighting death eaters, had somehow paled in comparison to hurting Ron like that. Seeing the hurt on his face had been even worse than she had expected. In the weeks and then months that had followed he was still insisting that Hermione just needed time. He blamed it all on the war and the torture she had endured, he said she just needed time and space. He insisted one day she would realize they were destined to be together, and realize she was too in love with him. No matter what she told him, he didn't believe that she would never come back to him. He thought he was just biding his time until she came back.

Hermione would rather die alone than be stuck in a loveless relationship like that. 

Harry and Ron both had plates full of sausage, fried potatoes, and eggs, toast piled on the side. Hermione couldn't eat; she felt like even one bite would make her sick, so she settled on tea.

Harry asked her after a few moments “Mione, aren't you going to eat something?”

She shook her head “No, I'm not hungry.” She said, taking a sip of her tea. Trying to casually look at the Slytherin table to get a glimpse of a blonde head, to make sure he was really still alive. But she didn't see him yet.

Ron spoke with his mouth full of food “She's probably too excited to eat.”

Hermione glanced at Ron “Excited?”

He nodded “First day of classes today. Isn't that why you seem so jittery?”

Hermione quickly nodded, she had forgotten it was the start of classes today. It was the perfect excuse for not eating an excuse for not being her normal self today. 

Harry gave her a reassuring smile “You're going to do great like always, don't stress about it.”

Hermione tried to be polite and nod, trying to act like she cared as the boys began to discuss quidditch. Harry was reinstated as the Gryffindor team captain again this year.

She kept looking at the Slytherin table, but he still hadn't shown up halfway through breakfast. It wasn't until she nearly gave up. However, right before schedules were going to be given out to students, she saw him. 

Her eyes went to the Slytherin table, and he was there, sitting across from Parkinson and Zabini who were all over each other. His back was too Hermione, but she would know that perfectly styled platinum blonde head anywhere. It used to be the head of her worst enemy. Now she was so relieved to see him. He was there, he was okay, and he was alive. She nearly ran to him and wanted to either hug him in relief that he was alive or punch him again for ending his life. But she didn't dare move from her spot. She couldn't do that. It would freak him out.

He seemed to be eating with him, she couldn't see much with his back to her. She hadn't realized it before, but Malfoy looked huge. His shoulders were so broad now he seemed so tall even just sitting there. She couldn't remember if he had always been large in stature or if was newer. For some reason she remembered thinking he was smaller, much smaller, even for a nearly full-grown man. But that wasn't the case at all, he looked much bigger than most other guys their age.

Even if he had always been large, she was used to seeing him with Crabbe and Goyle in years past and surely their size must have dwarfed him in comparison. But Crabbe was dead now and Goyle hadn't come back to school. Leaving Malfoy without his loyal sidekicks. 

She was brought out of her thoughts when her schedule was set in front of her by Ron, who must have gone to grab each for the three of them while she was distracted by Malfoy. At first, she didn't look at it. She already had it memorized. It was the same schedule she had been living on for the last four months. But she quickly realized she had to look at it. The usual Hermione would be looking over it and overanalyzing it. As she had the first time she was given the schedule. 

So, she looked at the paper without really reading it. Until she decided to look at it closer, track when she and Malfoy would have classes together. Due to the low count of students that were still alive and actually returned for their eighth year, all eighth-year classes were combined for all the students taking that class. 

She just had to try to remember which classes her and Malfoy both took. She grabbed out a pen, one of the only muggle things she always carried with her, to mark when they'd be together. If she remembered correctly, they would have charms, transfiguration, potions, history of magic, herbology, astronomy, defense against the dark arts, and ancient ruins together. 

She couldn't remember if he was in each of those classes, and didn't know if he was also in any of her other electives. She was almost sure he was in those. He had gotten an O.W.L. in each, she remembered hearing him brag loudly about in past years, so he would no doubt qualify for the N.E.W.T. level classes for each. But was he taking them? She hadn't paid any attention to him the first time around this term and couldn't remember. She wanted to pinch herself for being so daft in the past, or was it in the future? For not noticing him.

Ron who was seated on the other side of Harry loudly scoffed looking at the Slytherin table “I can't believe they let such filth back at school.” Ron said disgustedly as he looked at Malfoy.

Hermione stayed silent on the matter, not wanting to openly defend Malfoy. He wasn't exactly worth defending.

Harry, always the kindest person, spoke up “Don't forget Ron, he saved us. He didn't identify me. He's just here to finish school.”

Ron rolled his eyes “You reckon he still has the dark mark? I bet he's just itching to do something horrible again. What if he attacks someone, a muggle born? What if he attacks Hermione?”

Hermione found herself rolling her eyes at Ron “Malfoy isn't going to hurt anybody.” Other than himself. She had to stop herself from adding.

Ron glared at the Slytherin table again “What about Parkinson? She wanted to give Harry up to the dark lord. Or don't you two remember?”

Harry took a bite of sausage before saying “It's in the past Ron. Just ignore them and let's try to have a good year. It's our last year, and for the first time I don't have to worry about getting killed at school.”

Ron nodded slowly and went back to eating his breakfast. 

Hermione looked back down at her schedule, they had herbology, history of magic, lunch, she had arithmancy, then the rest of the day off.

After the two boys finished eating, they went down to the greenhouses together.

Throughout the day Hermione spent most of her time trying to watch Malfoy, trying to figure out how to stop him from ending his life. It was one nice thing about going back in time, she already knew the material taught in class, she already took every test and did every assignment. So, redoing everything was going to be easy for her. She wouldn't have to spend hours studying like usual. 

During herbology Malfoy sat on the other side of the class. She kept looking at him, pretending to be looking at the venomous tentacula on the wall next to him. He sat alone in class and kept his head down looking at the desk most of the time. He took notes diligently although Sprout was only going over the upcoming N.E.W.T.s that year. She noticed as he sat there in class his right leg bounced constantly, it never stopped. Like he was nervous or reckless.

In history of magic, she made sure to be seated behind him. It was easier to sit where she sat in that class as neither Harry nor Ron took the class. Again, he sat alone, not looking or talking to anybody. His head stayed down, and he took notes. Again, in class his right leg never stopped bouncing. When class ended, she tried to casually walk behind him to lunch, to watch him, observe him more. However, she found the task impossible as he was much faster than her walking. She would have to nearly run to keep up and that would look suspicious. He would know she was following him. 

Seeing him standing confirmed the things she had at breakfast. Malfoy was huge, taller than Ron by a good amount, and he would dwarf Harry in comparison. Malfoy wasn't scrawny anymore as she remembered. He had had a slim build of a seeker, she read in the past most seekers were built like that. But she knew more than most that at least Viktor Krum, one of the best seekers, was not slim. He had been bulky. But Malfoy wasn't just a little bulky, he was very muscular. It looked like he spent hours out of his day working out. 

At lunch she sat facing the Slytherin table, glad that this time Malfoy was facing her as well. Not that he ever looked. His eyes were down as he ate, he read a book as he had lunch. Although he was seated by Parkinson, Zabini, and Nott, he never said a word to them. He never even looked at them. He stayed silent and read. From the small movements through his body as he ate, she could tell he was once again bouncing his leg. 

She tried to act normal during lunch, pretending to listen to the conversation around her. Neville was telling everyone about his trip to Egypt over the summer. She already heard this story, so she didn't need to listen. So, she politely nodded when she felt it was needed and laughed whenever Ginny laughed. She tried to be sly when her eyes would wander to Malfoy. Never looking for more than five seconds at a time. Then looking away for at least a minute. It was hard not to stare at him, to try and figure out what he was thinking. What was going to lead up to him ending his life in only four months. But he never gave anything away. It was impossible to know what he was thinking or feeling, he had a great poker face, and it was constantly on display.

After lunch she had arithmancy, which unfortunately Malfoy was not in. It had always been a very empty class, only a few students bothered to take the subject. That class drug on, which was strange. Usually, it was her favorite class, and she couldn't get enough. But she was worried about Malfoy. Worried she wouldn't be able to stop him in time. For all she knew he could have been planning how he was going to do it right now. 

No. That was ridiculous. She had four months. Malfoy probably didn't even plan on it yet. Hopefully.

She didn't see him during her afternoon break which she spent at the library like she often did. She was hoping he would be there, she knew she saw him at the library before she came back in time. She remembered being annoyed because he was there a lot and always got there first, taking her favorite table, so she'd sit elsewhere. But today he didn't show.

At dinner it was the same as lunch. She pretended to listen but was watching Malfoy. He still didn't talk to anybody, and his small movements indicated his leg was still bouncing. Merlin, his leg must get sore from how much he moved it. He kept his head down and read for the entirety of dinner. She noticed he barely ate real food, only a few bites of roasted chicken and potatoes. Before he moved on to sweets which she noticed he ate a lot of. 

She had noticed something else throughout the day, not anything that Malfoy did but the people around him. It seemed that most people glared at him when they saw him and gave him dirty looks. She had even heard people hissing horrible things at him. She noticed it from Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, and worst of all Gryffindors. Especially Ron, Dean, and Seamus. They never let up. They were constantly glaring at him and giving him the meanest looks possible. It was like everyone was trying to make it known to Malfoy that he was unwanted at school. How had she never noticed her first time around this term? Had she really been that caught up on her studies? Or maybe she just hadn't cared enough to notice anything about Malfoy before?

She listened as her friends were already discussing the first trip to Hogsmeade in a month's time. They were all very excited to go this year. She made a few comments about the trip, but her mind stayed on Malfoy.

When she went to bed that night, she tried to process what she thought she gathered about Malfoy today. The first thing was he still cared about his classes, that was obvious from the way he listened and took notes in both classes they had had together. But that wasn't a shock, Malfoy had always cared about getting good marks. The second thing she gathered was that for whatever reason Malfoy could not stay still for the life of him, his leg never stopping bouncing up and down. 

The third and final thing she taught she learned about Malfoy was he was alone. He seemed very alone. He didn't talk to anybody, not even the people that were supposed to be his friends, and nobody even seemed to make an effort to talk to him. People tried to make it known they despised him. If there was one thing, she was certain of, Draco Malfoy must have been the loneliest person in all of Hogwarts.

Chapter Text

September 5th, 1998, again. 111 days until December 25.

“That's a good book you're reading there, Mione.” Ron said, smiling at her from across the Gryffindor table at breakfast.

“Oh? You've read this?” Hermione tore her eyes away from the book she was currently reading, Gone with the Wind. It wasn't anything that was useful to school, or her mission of saving Draco Malfoy's life. But she found school to be a breeze now that she was reliving the term, and she needed to relieve some stress. So, she turned to her guilty pleasure, well written Romance novels.

He looked flustered as he spoke “Oh uh no that particular one l.. but I've read books.”

She rolled her eyes. Of course, Ron hadn't read Gone with the Wind. She was sure the only book he had only read, outside of required reading for classes, was Quidditch Through the Ages. Ron wouldn't know good literature if it hit him on the back of the head. 

Hermione was entirely too tired to deal with him this morning. She hadn't gotten a good night's rest since Dumbledore died. At first she stayed up trying to figure out where the other horcruxes were. Trying to research and find anything that would help. Then after Fleur and Bill's wedding she was too scared to sleep for those weeks at Grimwald place. Every time she managed to sleep she was plagued with nightmares about Ron dying, or Harry dying. Afterwards while in that damn tent for months she was trying her best to keep Ron and Harry alive to worry about sleeping. Her nightmares only got worse in the tent, more intense. She didn't just dream of Harry and Ron anymore. She had nightmares about her parents being found and tortured, she had nightmares about Ginny, and all of the Weasleys for that matter, her friends at school. In her nightmares they were all dead and it was her fault, her fault for not being able to help Harry find the Horcruxes and destroy them.

She wasn't scared to sleep then, sleep even if plagued with nightmares was a relief compared to being awake. Until that day at Malfoy Manor after the snatchers got them. After that she relived that horrible day over and over again in her dreams. She felt it all again, all the crucios, the burns, the way Bellatrix’s life plunged into her arm over and over again. She became terrified to sleep after that. She was relieved when her dreams were only about her friends dying rather than taking her back to that cold tile floor. Even after Harry defeated Voldemort, the nightmares never fucking stopped.

Until Draco Malfoy killed himself. He had taken over her nightmares, his body swollen and turning blue. She saw his body decomposing in front of her, she saw the worms and maggots eating him. She had never dreamed of any of her friend's bodies decomposing like that. It was almost as bad as the dreams about Malfoy Manor.

She had only gotten a few hours of sleep in the last few nights. She had spent the last three days constantly watching Malfoy in classes, and during meals. 

Trying to figure out more about him, any signs of what was going on in his head. But Malfoy was like a brick wall. He never showed any of his emotions. If she didn't know better she would think absolutely nothing was wrong with him. That wasn't the case, something was definitely very wrong with him. Because unless she managed to do something about it, Draco Malfoy was going to end his life in only 111 days.

She felt like a failure already. She had wasted so much time already. Just staring at him. She had no idea what to fucking do. 

Last night after dinner she saw him in the library, he was at her favorite table again. Taking it like he had often done the first time she lived this reality. But she wasn't annoyed as she had been before. She was relieved to see him.

She sat a few tables away from him, behind him where he couldn't see her watching him. Nobody else was around, the library on a Saturday night was not a popular destination for most of the student body. With nobody else around she didn't even have to pretend that much to not be looking at him. 

He had a lot of stuff strung around the table. She recognized most of the books as textbooks for classes, the same ones she had. He had a small stack of other books. He was reading a book she didn't recognize, and he would grab the notebook he had next to him, using his quill he would sometimes write in the notebook then go back to his book. 

At first, she thought it was something for one of his classes, but upon closer inspection it defiantly was not a textbook. But when she finally was able to read the title of the book he had, she had it was definitely not for classes. On the side of the black book read in gold writing “The Iliad of Homer, The Odyssey.” 

It didn't seem like something Malfoy would read. She would think he thought it was muggle nonsense. But he was silently reading it, bouncing his leg like always as he was with his head down. 

The notebook he kept writing in looked like a personal one. From afar she could see everything on it but it looked like it was covered in magical stickers. The stickers moving, most if not all looked like quidditch stickers. She couldn't tell exactly though from so far away.

She had watched him for nearly an hour last night in that library before she left the library, feeling so creepy. Like she had been intruding and watching his personal time. She had been, but it was necessary to do so, if she was going to save his life.

It was Saturday morning; she was still at the Gryffindor table trying to read her own book. Ron had stopped talking to her, thankfully. Ron, Ginny, and Harry were excitedly talking about their day. As Harry was the captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team again they were going to have tryouts today so they could start practicing as soon as possible. Ginny and Ron didn't need to try out, their spots on the team were already guaranteed. 

Leaving her friends being there all day she had the day to herself. She knew realistically she needed to try and find Malfoy. She realized a few days ago she needed to talk to him. It was the only logical solution; she would have to force her way into his life. Almost befriend him in a way, without giving him an option. So, she could find out why he had ended his life and hopefully stop him from doing it again. She had to find a way to help him with his problems, so she could be done with this.

Watching him wasn't doing anything other than wasting her time, and time he didn't have to waste.

However, she and Malfoy had never had a real conversation in their lives. Only times where they would insult each other. They definitely were not on friendly terms and never had been. He had always made his distaste for her very public and well known, and she had done the same to him. 

Harry broke her from her thoughts, smiling at her, his hair as messy as ever this morning. But he looked so happy, so carefree, and so in love with his arm around Ginny. It made Hermione so happy to see him like this. The war had not brought him down, he had come out from the other side happier than ever. 

“Mione, are you going to come watch?” Harry asked her, smiling brightly at her. The invite was genuine, he wanted her there. The first time this had happened she had gone and watched try outs, even though it bored her to death. She only wanted Harry to be happy after everything he went through. 

This time she couldn't go; she had something too important to do. Malfoy's life depended on it. “No, I can't. I have homework.” She lied. 

Ron rolled his eyes and asked annoyed. He was always annoyed when she chose schoolwork over their friends, over him. “Homework already? Really?”

She nodded “I don't want to get behind.”

That was the end of the discussion. Neither of the boys or Ginny really seemed to care past that. They were too excited about their upcoming day. The three of them left after a few more minutes to go down to the quidditch pitch.

Hermione's eyes went right to the Slytherin table. Malfoy was there, sitting alone like she often saw him. He had a book on the table reading as he ate some sausage and eggs. 

She looked for far too long and forced herself to look away. She did not want anybody to notice that she was looking at Malfoy. They would get the wrong idea, maybe think she was after him, trying to get revenge for what happened in the war. The torture she endured at Malfoy Manor wasn't exactly a secret, thanks to Ron.

It was part of Ron's campaign against Malfoy, and anyone he had ever been associated with. He gladly told anyone who would listen what happened to Hermione at Malfoy Manor that day. He told them everything that happened to her and told them how Draco Malfoy stood there and watched.

Malfoy left breakfast before her. Not finishing his food. He only carried his book and that notebook with him as he left. Hermione wanted nothing more than to get up and follow him, tracking his every move. She forced herself to stay still.

She was positive he was going to the library. She remembered how often she saw him there on weekends the first time. He was there more often than her.

After ten minutes she allowed herself to get up and grab her book, stuffing it into her bag before heading to the library herself. 

As she expected Malfoy was already there, sitting alone at her favorite table. His platinum hair was done as perfectly as always, not a single hair out of place. He kept his head down like he so often did now, his eyes on his book. His huge form taking up at least half of the table.

She wanted to go talk to him; she had to. There was no question about it. If she was going to stop Draco Malfoy from ending his life she needed to talk to him. But she froze. She couldn't make herself move as she stood there ten feet from him. 

The last time she had talked to him was at his home. When she lay on the floor burning in pain. She had been so desperate for the pain to stop, she had resorted to begging, when it didn't work on Bellatrix, she begged Malfoy to help her. She had cried out to him; Malfoy, please. We went to school together; we grew up together. Please help me.

She remembered the way he blankly stared at her his face of indifference on as always. But something had cracked because minutes later when she tried to get away, he looked at her and shook his head at her. A silent sign nobody else saw. He was warning her, she knew it right away. If she struggled it would have gotten worse.

She hadn't spoken a word to him in the time since. Malfoy hadn't even looked at her since it happened. She sat down at a table away from him. Losing any of the courage she had to go talk to him. She couldn't even concentrate on the now, her left arm was burning again, hurting again like it so often did these days. 

Most of the time she wouldn't feel a thing and she would forget for a few minutes the scar was even there. But there were times where out of nowhere it burned so badly, itched more than anything. She tried her best to itch her arm over her cardigan. She didn't dare to roll up the sleeve, it was humiliating enough people knew she had it, she didn't want anyone to see it. To see how ugly it was, the jagged words carved into her flesh. She itched for what seemed like so long, silently trying not to let the tears filling her eyes from falling. 

She hit the spot with her hand over the cardigan trying to stop it, she itched it over and over. She tried to cast a cooling charm on it to stop the burning. But nothing helped it, nothing stopped the pain. Whatever Bellatrix had used on the dagger made it so she couldn't stop the pain whenever it came back. It was a permanent reminder of what Hermione was, a mudblood.

It didn't get better, not for a long time. Finally, the pain and burning began to lessen and she was able to let out a deep breath. A breath of relief. She leaned back in her chair, breathing heavily as she tried to get her bearings about her.

To her complete horror when she looked around, she saw Malfoy staring at her. She was sure he saw the whole thing. Other than Ron, Harry, and Ginny, Malfoy was the only one that knew what the scar looked like. He knew how bad it had been, he was there when she got it. 

He kept staring at her, not at her face, but at her arm. His eyes not leaving it for a few more seconds, he must have felt her watching him as he looked at her face for a fraction of a second then looked back at his book. Trying to pretend that nothing had happened.

She was fine with that, in a rush to get out of the library and away from him she grabbed her stuff and nearly ran out of the library. She would not be talking to Draco Malfoy that day.

September 6th, 1998, again, 110 days until December 25th.

Hermione had been absolutely humiliated after the library the day before. After she left, she had spent the entire day in her dorm, reading and trying to do anything else but think about Draco Malfoy or her arm. She worked on homework, it was easily done considering she had done it before, but it still took time to complete. Until she finally took a vile of Sleeping Draught around five in the evening, letting herself fall into a dreamless slumber for fourteen hours.

Recovering sleep her body so desperately needed. She only allowed herself to take the potion twice a month, she did not want to become reliant on the potion. She woke up at seven in the morning. It was a Sunday morning and most of the castle was still sleeping. She let herself take a long and relaxing shower, before taking her time to get ready. Something she rarely did. But had read that taking care of yourself, giving time to yourself could help improve a person's mood, and she needed a boost. She rubbed body butter into her entire body before dressing. It was the weekend, so she didn't have to wear her uniform or her robes. Usually, she would have still worn robes, but she missed home missed her parents who she would never see again. So, she dressed in clothes she had gotten in the muggle world, jeans and a black sweater. It was one of the last times she saw her mother, when they bought Hermione more clothes. She used glamor charms to take her hair into a ponytail, before she grabbed her bag and went down to breakfast. Ginny was already gone, she always got up early to see Harry as early as possible.

After the disaster of yesterday's library incident, she absolutely had to talk to Malfoy today. She only had 110 days left. She couldn't go any longer without talking to him. It was going to be hard; she was convinced her arm had hurt because she was so close to talking to him and she had been thinking too much about it. She couldn't let that happen again.

She was surprised to see none of her friends were there, it was eight, maybe they had already eaten and left. Ginny mentioned they would have quidditch practice today. The first official one after tryouts. Malfoy also wasn't at breakfast; he was either sleeping in or already at the library.

Hermione wasn't hungry, she was full of nerves as she thought about confronting Malfoy today. It wasn't going to be easy or something she ever wanted to do. She ate part of a piece of toast and drank a small cup of tea. 

On her walk to the library, she did breathing exercises she had learned in a book about mediation. When she entered the library, she tried to think about anything other than her arm, and the scar that lived there.

Malfoy was at the same table he seemed to always take. She only looked at him for a second before she took a deep breath, forcing herself to his table. Where she silently stood in front of him for a few seconds.

He didn't look up right away although she knew that he knew she was there. He was probably hoping she would walk away. But she couldn't walk away, his life was on the line. 

He finally sighed and looked up at her after nearly thirty seconds. “Granger.” He spoke in a low voice, sounding as if he hated her. “What do you want?”

She politely smiled at him trying to be nice to him, forcing herself to be nice to him. “Good morning, Malfoy. How are you?”

He frowned, looking annoyed with her. His hard grey eyes squinting at her. “Excuse me?” 

“How are you?” She repeated herself, still politely smiling at him.

He blinked a few times in confusion before he snapped at her “Fuck off, Granger.”

She stood there, not in the least bit surprised at all he was dismissing her so quickly. Instead she pulled out a chair and sat across the table from him.

“What the fuck do you think you're doing?” He sneered at her, if looks could kill Hermione Granger would have been dead in the moment.

She smiled at him nicely once more, her cheeks were starting to hurt from all the smiling. She slowly said, as if she were talking to a small child. “I thought you could use some company.”

“Well you thought wrong. Now fuck off you mangy mutt.” He raised his hands and was literally shooing her away. 

She had to stop from snapping at him. Instead she looked down at the table. He still has the same book, The Iliad of Homer and The Odyssey. She glanced at his notebook she spotted him writing in before. She was correct the stickers were quidditch ones, she didn't recognize most of the players or anything. But she recognized one very well, Viktor Krum. 

She looked back up at him as he quickly covered the notebook with his book. He was glaring at her for daring to look at his notebook, he was shooing her away again.

 She sighed “What are you reading?” She asked as if she didn't know. 

He looked like he was about to snap and attack “This isn't fucking funny. Go away.”

“What's not funny?” She asked him. 

“Whatever fucking joke you and your idiot friends are pulling, go mess with Malfoy or whatever. I don't find it funny.”

She blinked a few times “What? I'm not doing anything like that.”

He stood up grabbing his stuff and sneered at her again “Don't ever fucking sit by me again.”

Before she could protest Malfoy was already leaving the library.

Chapter Text

September 7th, 1998, again, 109 days until December 25th.

She was glad when she got to breakfast and found Harry sitting there alone. That's what she had hoped for. Although Harry acted like he was fine and everything was great, she knew that he slept even less than she did these days. He was usually the first one to breakfast. Neither Ginny nor Ron had come down for breakfast yet. Which was perfect. She needed to talk to Harry, ask him important questions, questions regarding Draco Malfoy. Or more importantly, his trial.

Hermione hadn't gone to his trial, or any that she wasn't required to testify at and attend. The trails were horrible, she hated reliving the war over and over again. She opted out of going to most. Harry had gone to all the Malfoy's trials. He had testified on behalf of both Narcissa and Draco. Ron had attended Draco Malfoy's trial too, but unlike Harry he definitely did not testify on behalf of him. In fact, it had been a rather big fight for the boys. Ron wanted Draco Malfoy to go to Azkaban, and he was upset that Harry had helped him.

She sat down across from Harry who was smiles as always as he ate a piece of toast absolutely covered in a thick layer of jam. At times like this he reminded her so much of the boy she had met all those years ago, rather than the man he had become.

“Harry, can I ask you something?” She asked him as she grabbed a piece of toast for herself.

Harry nodded, taking another bite “Of course you Hermione.”

“You went to Draco Malfoy's trial, right?” She asked him, although she already knew the answer.

“Yeah, I did. I had to help him, he helped us. It was the least I could do.” Harry said, passing the jar of jam to Hermione.

She nodded and began to put the jam on her toast “Um what was he charged with?”

“Aiding and abetting known death eaters, supporting the death eater cause, and an accomplice in the murder of Albus Dumbledore, he was only found guilty of aiding and abetting known death eaters though. They ended up dropping the other two charges.” Harry said, taking the last bite of his toast. “They had enough evidence that he wasn't acting on his own feelings and beliefs, he was trying to protect himself and his family. But they still had to punish him somehow, so they gave him the charge with the least punishment.”

Hermione nodded and asked him “You testified for him, right?”

“Oh yeah, I was the only character witness he had. Just told them the truth, that he lied and didn't identify me, and how he gave me his wand in the battle. I guess it helped him though, or that's what his solicitor said.” Harry talked as casually as always as he put some fried potatoes on his plate. 

She watched Harry for a few more seconds before asking “What was his sentence for his charge?”

Harry squinted trying to remember and thought for a few seconds as he thought before replying “Oh he got sixty days in Azkaban and two years parole afterwards.”

Hermione's heart sank. She didn't think Malfoy had actually done time in Azkaban, she assumed he was let go. “What? He actually went to Azkaban?” She asked not touching her food, the thought of Malfoy in Azkaban made her feel ill.

Harry frowned for a second and muttered “Yeah, for about two months. Why are you asking about him, Hermione?”

She shrugged, lying to Harry. She couldn't tell Harry the truth about Draco Malfoy, he wouldn't believe her. “Oh, I was just curious. I didn't follow most of the trails last spring.”

Two months. That means he spent all of June and July in Azkaban. He had only been free for a month before coming back to school. Two months stuck in there, surrounded by criminals and dementors, after all the dementors had been let back as guards of the prison following the war. From everything she had read, and heard from Sirius, Azkaban was worse than death. Most who went there were lucky if they left sane. But most of them had long sentences. Perhaps two months hadn't done much damage to his mental health. It definitely had to be a factor as to why Draco Malfoy had ended his life the first time. People didn't get over things like Azkaban.

Harry interrupted her thoughts “I'm surprised you're not asking about Lucius Malfoy, considering.” He took a large bite of his potatoes.

“Considering what?” She asked, still not touching her food.

He sighed “Oh sorry, I forgot you're not reading the daily prophet.”

She hadn't been following the news since June. It wasn't good for her; everything was about trials or about the war. It only made her anxious, made her relive some of those memories, and think more about everyone who died. 

Harry took another bite of potatoes before continuing “He's scheduled to get the dementors kiss on December 23rd.” 

Her heart dropped. Lucius Malfoy was scheduled for the dementors kiss? And only two days before Draco Malfoy would kill himself. She couldn't think of any reason he was going to be killed. She couldn't remember anything he did. Whatever he had been found guilty of doing must have been especially horrible must have been especially horrible, it was the worst punishment in the wizarding world. It was a fate worse than death; he would be perpetually stuck in an almost vegetative state; he would be like a zombie. She didn't even remember hearing about Lucius Malfoy getting the dementors kiss the first time she lived this, had she been that oblivious? Maybe nobody she talked to care about what happened to ex death eaters like him? 

“What? Why is he getting that ?” She asked slightly horrified. 

Harry looked at her and quietly said “Last month there was a raid of the manor, another one. They found evidence that he had tortured and killed a muggle, years ago. Apparently, he kept the man alive for days just torturing him. He did unspeakable things to the man. Poor muggle didn't even know Lucius, it was a random bloke.”

Hermione was silent for a few minutes. She wasn't sure what to say. Or even what to think. She was more surprised by how surprised she was by this. Lucius Malfoy was not a good person, and he never had been. But she didn't think he was the type of person to torture and kill and random muggle.

As soon as Ginny got to breakfast, Harry dropped the subject. Ginny sat right next to Harry, she stole a bite of his potatoes and Harry happily let the ginger girl take it. 

Hermione looked away; she still wasn't able to eat. She felt ill, the news of Malfoy spending time in Azkaban and his father's pending punishment. The more she thought about what Lucius had done the worse she felt. Had Malfoy known what his father was doing? Was he there when it happened? 

Her heart sunk as she remembered Draco's funeral, how his mother, Narcissa had been sobbing in only the way a mother could cry for her child. In that reality it was only two days after her husband received a punishment worse than death. She lost her entire family in the span of a few days. It was no wonder she had been desperate enough to ask Hermione to help her, to save her child. 

She thought back to the little girl that sat with Narcissa, who was that? Draco Malfoy was an only child; he was the sole heir to the Malfoy name. But the girl had looked so much like Lucius and Draco. She had their hair, they're sharp features. The girl was so young she didn't seem to know what was going on, she probably didn't realize, that whoever Draco was, was never going to see her again. She hadn't been crying and looked more confused than anything. Until she was trying to comfort Narcissa. 

Only thing was clear as she remembered the two. Narcissa loved whoever that girl was deeply, and the girl loved Narcissa just as much. Whoever the girl was, she was important to Narcissa and by extension possibly Draco.

She wanted nothing more to never think of Draco Malfoy or his family again, but she couldn't. She had to think about them, about him. If she had any hope of stopping him from ending his life, she needed to learn everything about his and his life. 

It was Monday so she had double potions that morning, she would have it with Ron, Harry, and Malfoy. After lunch she would have Ancient Runes, she was usually alone in that class. It wasn't exactly a popular class. This year, only her and seven other eighth years were taking the class. Her, Padma Patio, Ernie MacMillan, Terry Boot, Hannah Abbott, Blaise Zabini, Theodore Nott, and Draco Malfoy.

Malfoy usually sat by Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini, but the trip of boys never talked. Sometimes Nott would say something to Zabini or vice versa, but they never talked to Malfoy. They acted like they only tolerated his presence. She was sure that like every time she had seen him in the past days Malfoy would keep his head down, taking notes and not talking to anybody.

In years past Malfoy, Zabini, and Nott used to have lots of fun in that class. They would joke around, whisper to each other. Make fun of anyone else around them. They were honestly annoying; she used to make sure to sit away from them. But the war had obviously changed things. They weren't like that anymore. 

Harry and Ron wouldn't be around for that class, maybe she could try and talk to Malfoy again in class. 

No, that was a horrible idea. Last time he had freaked out on her in the library. The last thing she wanted was him yelling at her in class, embarrassing her and him in front of everyone. She'd find a different time to talk to him. When there weren't many people around.

After breakfast she walked down to the dungeons with Ron and Harry, going to the potions classroom. They were much later getting to class than Hermione liked. Ron got to breakfast late and took forever to eat as he sulked. His good mood brought in by quidditch tryouts was gone. Harry tried to make conversation on the way down to the classroom, but Ron was in one of his moods again. He was hurt about the breakup all over again. He was moping around and acting like an injured puppy. She knew he was just trying to make her feel bad for him. It was ridiculous. All it did was make things awkward.

She ignored him and his attitude. They got to potions less than a minute before it began. There weren't a lot of seats left, but she spotted the workstation behind where Malfoy sat, was open. Without saying anything to Harry or Ron she walked over and sat behind Malfoy. The two boys followed her and sat. 

Malfoy was sitting with Nott, Parkinson and Zabini today, the couple was holding hands and whispering next to Malfoy who didn't seem to care or notice. Malfoy took up a big space at the workstation, he was huge compared to Zabini or Nott. He already had his head down and was reading before class began, his leg was always bouncing up and down.

Professor Slughorn had to have been running behind as he wasn't there yet either. Something she remembered that had been common the first time she lived this year. Slughorn had down been late to his own class, and he never gave them a reason as to why. 

Ron was bored that was clear from the way he kept sighing and rolling his eyes. Eventually he smirked slightly and loudly said “Fucking death eater scum, I can't believe they expose us to his kind. It's pathetic they let him back in school, he must have given them lots of Daddy's money.”

Malfoy didn't say anything or turn to look at them but by the way he tensed, and his leg stopped for just a second, Hermione knew he had heard Ron. It was impossible not to hear Ron, he was trying to make sure everyone heard him. 

Harry quietly said “Ron, stop it. Don't start anything.”

Ron didn't care what Harry said. Ron had so much hatred in his heart after the war, after Fred had died. He had turned all of his grief into hate for others. Ron scoffed loudly “Look at him walking free! He's the fucking scum of the earth. Hey, Malfoy! Let's see the dark mark. Roll up your sleeve and show us all!”

Again, Malfoy didn't turn around or say anything. But he wasn't looking at his book anymore, his head wasn't looking down. Instead, he was staring at the front of the classroom. His jaw clenched. But he didn't give in to Ron's taunting, instead he stared ahead.

Harry again tried to intervene “Ron, enough. Leave him alone.”

Ron ignored Harry again “He's the fucking reason Dumbledore is dead. He let his auntie and friends into the school. He's a fucking killer. And he's allowed to walk around the school freely? He's allowed to be near people he would hurt if he were given a chance? It's fucking egregious.” Ron was only getting louder in his rantings.

It wasn't Draco Malfoy that turned around to confront him, instead it was Theodore Nott who smirked “Egregious? Wow color me impressed you knew such a big word. Your family must have scrapped all their knuts together to get you a thesaurus.”

Ron's face got red as it did every time someone insulted him “Fuck off Nott, you're buddies with him. A fucking death eater. You're just like him, I bet you were getting ready to take the mark yourself. You're lucky I don't do something about you lot.”

Nott rolled his eyes “Wow, I'm so scared.” He sarcastically said.

Ron looked back over at Malfoy “If I had been thinking straight, I would have let you die in the room of requirement with Crabbe. Let you fucking burn with him. It's what you deserved. I would have loved to see you burning. It's better than having you walk around this school as if you belong. You don't belong anywhere Malfoy. You're never going to be anything more than a fucking death eater."

Malfoy still did not react to the words Ron was spitting at him; he wouldn't even turn to face him. The Draco Malfoy she knew before the war would have turned around and let Ron have it. But he wasn't that person anymore. 

Harry slammed his fist down on the table "Enough, Ron!” He practically yelled at Ron.

It was enough to keep Ron from saying anything else. Instead, he sulked and stayed silent as Slughorn came in and started the lesson. 

Hermione felt embarrassed to be sitting by Ron, after everything he had said. Did he always have to act like a complete ass? She didn't pay much attention to the lecture. She had already heard this before, she had learned all the material. So instead of taking notes, she stared at the back of Malfoy. 

His head was back down as he took notes. His leg was bouncing like always. From the back she couldn't see his face, but she didn't need to. She knew his face would be as indifferent and cold as always.

She thought about what it must have been like for him to spend all that time on Azkaban, two months, sixty days. She didn't think she would even survive longer than a week there. 

Next to her Ron was smiling as he took notes, seeming very proud of himself for talking so badly to Malfoy. She didn't look at Ron, trying to ignore him.  

She spent the entire lesson, the double block, staring at the back of Malfoy's head. 

After potions lunch went by quickly. Hermione had sat by Ginny and talked about what was going on with Ginny, as usual. Ginny loved to talk about herself, and today that was fine. It was easier than having to talk about what was going on in her own life. How could she even possibly explain what was happening in her life?

After lunch she went to Ancient Runes, she took a seat in the back, where she knew Malfoy preferred to sit. Sure, enough when the trio of silent Slytherin boys entered they sat only a few seats down from her. 

Theodore Nott gave her a weird look, which was valid. Hermione usually sat in the front of all her classes. But she was willingly choosing the back. Malfoy glared at her, giving her a dirty look. None of the three boys said anything to her but she smiled nicely at all three of them and waved.

Not one of them waved back. But she had expected that. Instead Zabini and Nott looked at her like she was crazy, and Malfoy glared even harder at her. 

It didn't stop her. She couldn't let it stop her. Draco Malfoy needed her to keep trying, his life depended on it. She took a long breath before she cleared her throat and spoke to them, her eyes directly on Malfoy the whole time. “Good afternoon.”

Theodore Nott was the one who responded, “Are you okay, Granger?”

Hermione nodded “I'm well. I just wanted to apologize to you guys for Ronald. He shouldn't have said those things. I'm sure he didn't mean it.” She didn't actually care about apologizing for Ron. But it was an opportunity to try and talk to Malfoy, so she took it. 

Malfoy didn't respond; he just glared at her, never stopping.

She wanted to say more but the way he looked at her made her quickly look away from him. He looked like he wanted to end her life for even speaking to them. 

Malfoy finally spoke in a low and cold voice “Weasel meant every word he said. Don't lie for my benefit.”

She didn't get a chance to say anything else to him, class had begun. When she looked back over at him, his head was down, and he was taking notes. Just like always. 

But Theodore Nott stared at her, smirking in a way that made her feel uneasy. She quickly turned away from them. Trying to ignore his gaze. 

It wasn't until when the lesson was nearly done that Professor Babbling announced “For your first assignment you'll be working with a partner. You'll be given lengthy and complicated Runes to decode, this will be a large part of your grade and will be due on Halloween.”

Hermione remembered this, she had worked with Padma the first time around. But she wouldn't do it this time. She remembered last time Draco didn't have a partner and neither did Terry Bones, so they were paired together by Babbling.

Professor Babbling said, “Take this time to choose your partner.”

Hermione stayed in her seat watching as everyone else paired off together, she made sure to look away from Padma until Padma seemed to take a hint and paired up with Hannah Abbott. It wasn't until everyone else had a partner that she stood up grabbing her bag and she walked over to Malfoy, smiling at him. 

“Well, Malfoy, it looks like we're the only two without a partner.” She said in a polite tone.

Malfoy looked away from him glaring at the wall before he raised his hand and when called on asked “Professor, may I work alone?”

Professor Babbling shook her head “No. You must work with a partner, it's part of the grade. How well you can work with others.”

Malfoy let out a long and dramatic sigh pinching his nose as if he was being tortured “Fine.” He hissed at Hermione. “I'll let you know when I'm available to work on the assignment.” He then shooed her away as he did in the library. 

She sighed and rolled her eyes at him “Okay.” She plainly said and went back to seat. Not pushing him further. She smiled to herself when he couldn't see her. She had a way in.

Chapter Text

September 10th, 1998, again, 106 days until December 25th.

Hermione woke up at 3:45 in the morning absolutely drenched in sweat and breathing hard. She had had that dream again, the worst one, where Bellatrix was torturing her all over again. She could feel every pain she had the first time.

Her left arm hurt with the pain she hadn't imagined possible until she got the scar. She was clutching at it trying to think of anything that could soothe the sharp pain. She couldn't think straight, it was too early, and the dream was still so fresh in her mind.

She couldn't make the pain stop, or the burning sensation that she got along with it. It was times like this she wished she would just get the courage and cut the fucking arm off. At least then she wouldn't have to feel this or have to look at the ugly scar.

She cast cooling charm after cooling charm they only offered temporary relief but it was the best thing she could get at the moment, so she greedily took it.

 Crookshanks stayed loyally by her side the entire time, even trying to cuddle with her to help her.

She sat there for hours trying everything to make it stop, until finally after daylight began to seep into the dormitory, it stopped. She leaned back against the headboard of her small four poster bed and let out a sign of relief, and she finally let go of her aching arm.

It was six in the morning. She didn't want to do anything that day, she wanted to lie in bed, skip her classes, and sleep the entire day away. Her body felt so weak and her mind even weaker.

It wasn't an easy decision to make. The last two days had been complete wastes of time regarding stopping Draco Malfoy from ending his life. They hadn't talked since they agreed to be partners for their ancient runes project. He told her that day he would let her know when he wanted to work on it, but he hadn't even glanced her way since. He hadn't bothered to even try and schedule a time to begin their project.

Usually, she would have been fine with it. It's not like she liked him or wanted to be his fucking friend. Honestly, she wished she never had to talk to him again, he was rude, and off-putting. He had made her life hell for so many years. He was the first person to call her mudblood, he had made fun of her for years. There were multiple times she had cried herself to sleep because of the words Draco Malfoy so casually said to her. Before he killed himself and she had to try to stop him, she would have just done the project on her own even if they were partners. It wouldn't be the first time she was paired with someone who didn't pull their weight.

But she couldn't do that this time. She had to work with him, spend time with him. To try and figure him out and figure out how to stop him from ending his life. Anyways Malfoy always cared about his marks, a lot. So, she knew he would do his work to get it done and done correctly. He was just trying to put it off, she was sure. He didn't want to spend time with her either. Neither of them liked the other. 

She decided she would stay in bed until lunchtime. She could skip her morning courses; she wouldn't get behind and she would get some much-needed sleep. 

So, after some thought she got back under her covers and let herself go back to sleep, praying she would have a dreamless sleep. 

After only a few minutes she drifted off to sleep. 

It was cold outside, so cold outside. Hermione tried to pull her cloak on tighter, but it didn't help. The winter air hitting her lungs. It was the kind of cold that left you shivering and your throat sore. She pulled her hair down, closer to her face. To try and cover her ears with her hair. To warm them up, to get rid of the aching cold that hit her ears and made them ring. 

She was in the courtyard of the school, she didn't know why she was there, or when she had even come down to the courtyard. When she finally looked around and got a good view of it, her heart dropped. A black casket in the front, Blaise Zabini, Pansy Parkinson, and Theodore Nott in the front right row. The Ravenclaw boy who was seeker behind them. All the professors sitting in the back left. Narcissa Malfoy and a blonde little girl sitting in the front left, Narcissa Malfoy sobbing loudly. A priest standing in the front of the casket.

She was at Draco Malfoy's funeral, again.

She didn't even realize she was sitting down but she was, she was in the back row on the right-hand side. She wanted to get up and run away, to leave this funeral. But she couldn't. She was physically unable to get up and move.

The priest stood in front of the casket; she couldn't hear him. It was just nonsense, until she heard that passage that made her cry last time. 

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

Hermione felt sick, sick to her stomach. This couldn't be happening again; she was supposed to stop this from happening again. 

She wasn't in her chair anymore, her body moved on its own accord, without what she wanted considered. She was being dragged to the front of the funeral, until she stood right in front of the black casket.

Her head was forced down, so she was looking right at him. Draco Malfoy's body was different than it had been during his first funeral. He wore the same back suit but this time his body was puffy, and blue. His skin had already begun decaying at parts and showing bone underneath. Maggots crawled around him, eating his flesh, going between skin and bone. She felt sick, like she was going to throw up.

Suddenly Malfoy's eyelids opened, he only had one grey eye left, the other eyelid was empty. His mouth opened and maggots fell out as he spoke in a cold voice “Look what you did to me, mudblood.”

Hermione woke up gasping for air, sweat covering her as it had when she had woken up that morning. It had been a dream, just a dream. She told herself over and over again until she was able to get herself out of bed. It was the late afternoon or early evening. It took her a few seconds before she checked on her clock on the nightstand. It was 5:38 in the evening. She had slept far longer than she intended to. She missed all her classes. That was fine, she already knew what was being taught. But she wouldn't make a habit of missing, she couldn't. 

She only had twenty-two minutes until dinner began, but she could get there later, it wouldn't matter if she was a little late. She decided to take a shower, to clean off all the sweat from her body. She took a long shower, letting the hot water hit her body, trying to wash away the feeling of dread the nightmare had brought. Draco Malfoy is still alive . She told herself over and over.

It felt amazing to have the hot water washing over her body, washing away all the sweat from the nightmares. She scrubbed at her body over and over again, trying to wash away the feeling of panic she had. She kept telling herself Draco Malfoy is still alive.

After her shower she got dressed in muggle clothes, she didn't need to wear her uniform, she wasn't going to any classes today, they were over for the day. She put on jeans and white cashmere sweater. She did a glamour charm on her hair making sure her curls are smooth and looked decent.

She grabbed her bag like always. Since those first days of the war, she had carried it everywhere with her. She needed to make sure she was always prepared for whatever might happen. She knew it was irrational to carry as much as she did in her bag at this point in her life. But she couldn't make herself take any of it out of her bag.

She slowly made her way down to the Gryffindor common room, which was empty, everyone was already at dinner. It was nearly seven already and she was sure everyone was happily eating in the great hall. Chatting about their day.

From the common room she walked down the great hall, she didn't rush there, she was hungry but after how Ron had been acting lately she was not eager to be around him.

He had been so unpredictable. A lot of the time Ron was quiet, acting like an injured puppy dog, he was still heartbroken that Hermione had ended their relationship. She couldn't understand why he was holding on so tightly. They hadn't been good together; Ron didn't make Hermione happy. And she knew that she would never be able to make Ron happy, Ron wanted a version of her that didn't exist. He wanted the Hermione that existed before the war. The silly schoolgirl that had a crush on him. The version of Hermione that would have done anything to make him happy. That version of her didn't exist anymore.

 She wasn't sure when she had changed, but she had. She thought it might have been when they were living in the tent, those days that dragged on when she was only focused on trying to keep them alive. Or maybe it died when Ron had left her and Harry, he had abandoned them when they needed him the most. A part of her never forgave him for that and never would.

Deep down she knew the ugly truth, that version of Hermione didn't die then. If that was all that had happened, she might have been able to be like she used to be. That version of herself died on the cold marble floor of Malfoy Manor, Bellatrix had carved it out of her. 

When Ron wasn't acting like an injured puppy, he was horrible, whenever anyone that had connections to death eaters. Even if they hadn't been directly involved. He was cruel and took his anger out on them. The pain for losing his brother and friends had turned him into a cruel and hurtful person.

Maybe she didn't recognize herself anymore, but she recognized Ron now even less. He wasn't the boy she had dreamed of being with. 

When she eventually got to the great hall she took a seat by Neville, across from Ron, Ginny, and Harry. Neville was discussing a new plant he was growing with Dean Thomas, who looked very unamused with the conversation. Harry and Ginny were whispering to each other and giggling as they ate their dinner. 

Ron smiled at her as she sat down, “Hey, Hermione.” He said, before he looked away and turned to Seamus Finnegan who was talking to Ron about Wizarding chess. A game both the young men loved playing.

Nobody at the table talked to her really, only smiled and nodded at her. She was used it from when she lived this the first time. None of them seemed to need her anymore like they had in years past. Harry wasn't in mortal danger and needed her to help him find. A solution like in years past. Neither Ron nor Harry needed her to help with their classes this year. They didn't care about their marks this year. They both had guaranteed jobs as Aurors waiting for them at the ministry, with the condition they complete their last year. The ministry never said they had to do well in their courses. They didn't care about what she was doing or the books she was reading. They found that kind of stuff boring and uninteresting.

Nobody at the table even asked her where she had been all day, or why she missed classes, which was very unlike her. She didn't let it bother her. They were all busy and trying to live the last year of school and be young while they still could. They had their own lives now. Harry had Ginny, and he deserved to have at least one of his school years being a normal teenager. Ron deserved to be happy with their friends, he shouldn't have worried about her, she told herself. He couldn't worry about her, he was busy with quidditch and having a year to goof off, not worrying about Harry.

She looked over at the Slytherin table, even though she didn't want to. She had to make sure he was there, that he was alive. She let out a small sigh of relief when she saw the huge blonde sitting there, eating roast beef and potatoes. Like she noticed he often did, Malfoy sat alone. Not talking to anybody, not that he ever talked to people anymore. He ate while reading whatever book he was currently reading, his head down and his eyes focused on the pages. He was completely ignoring the world around him. Ignoring the dirty looks and glares he received from their classmates. He had to have been used to them by now. Nobody other than his three friends looked at him with anything other than contempt. She noticed even his fellow Slytherins looked at him like that, they had turned their backs on him. He was a social outcast, but he seemed to not even notice or care. 

He had to have cared. Or so she assumed. Something was definitely very wrong with him, and she knew it. Because if she didn't somehow, by some miracle stop him Draco Malfoy was going to kill himself in only 106 days.

Hermione looked away from him, getting herself some roast beef and potatoes. She silently ate her food. Nobody tried to include her in their conversations or even looked at her much. She told herself not to let it get to her. 

She ate quickly before she grabbed her bag and stood up.

Ginny smiled, looking at Hermione for the first time all day, and said “Goodnight Hermione, I'll see you in our dorm.”

Hermione nodded, “Yeah, I'll see you later Gin.”

Ginny’s attention was already back on Harry, who was whispering in her ear. 

Hermione left the table; she was nearly to the doors of the great hall to go back to her dorm when a cold voice stopped her in her tracks “Granger.”

Hermione turned around and looked up at the large blonde that stood in front of her, his cold grey eyes staring at her. She was surprised to see him but tried not to let it show as she calmly replied “Malfoy.”

He studied her face for a few seconds before he said in an unemotional tone “Where were you?”

Hermione shook her head running her hand through her hair, “What?”

Malfoy rolled his eyes “Today. Where were you today? You weren't in any of our classes.”

Hermione froze, unsure what to think. Malfoy had noticed she wasn't in classes. He noticed she had skipped, when not even her friends had seemed to notice. She wasn't sure how to reply. She refused to tell him she had been up all night with nightmares, so she slept all day, only to have a nightmare of his funeral happening, again. She instead told him “I had a headache.”

He looked annoyed, like her very presence was a burden for him to bear. “Well, it was very inconvenient for me.” He snapped at her.

She raised an eyebrow, confused with his statement “Excuse me, an inconvenience for you?”

Malfoy rolled his eyes, once more, and looked at her like she was an imbecile. “You cried and begged to be my partner for the Ancient Runes project, then when I decided I was ready to start working, you don't bother to show up for classes so I can inform you. It's just rude and honestly very impolite of you.”

Hermione's jaw almost dropped at his nerve. “Excuse me? Begged and cried? I did no such thing. Neither of us had partners so we had to work together. It's not like I want to spend time with you. I had a fucking headache; I wasn't going to go to class on the off chance you might want to get started on the project.” She lied slightly, she didn't want to spend time with him, she had to if she had any chance of stopping him from killing himself.

Malfoy glared harder at her, looking at her like he wanted to hurt her. “Be at the library tomorrow after afternoon classes.” He ordered.

She rolled her eyes; she wanted to say no and not show up. She didn't want to let him dictate their working schedule and when they met to work on the project. But she couldn't, she decided it was easier to accept whatever time frame he was giving her. At least then she would have time to spend with him and try to figure him out. Time to figure out how to get him to stay alive. She swallowed any disagreement and nodded “I'll be there.”

With that Malfoy gave her one more glare before he walked past her, storming out of the great hall like he had just been horribly insulted. 

Chapter Text

September 11th, 1998, again, 105 days until December 25th.

Classes had gone by entirely too fast for her liking that day. She was dreading going to the library and spending time with Malfoy. He wasn't the easiest person to be around, and she was absolutely positive that he would not be easy to work with. He was rigid and thought he knew best. Undoubtedly, he would try and control the entire project, he would try and make sure they did everything exactly how he wanted to. Her opinions on how to go about the project would mean nothing to him. He would ignore her suggestions and do it how he wanted. 

She spent her time in classes watching him. Trying her best to read him. But Draco Malfoy was unreadable. He always kept that same stoic expression on his face, unchanging at all times. He always sat in the back, kept his head down. He diligently took notes in every class, his leg never stopped bouncing. It was like he physically couldn't stay still. She noticed he always dressed nicely, which was nothing new. His white dress shirts were always pressed and without a single wrinkle. He always wore a Slytherin tie, but the exact style and print changed from day to day. His robes were always the best money could buy, he seemed to have multiple pairs as when she paid attention, she could see the differences in the stitching and the colors, they were all dark green and black, but the placement and hues were slightly different in each. He always had on what she assumed were very expensive leather shoes, always shined and tied to look perfect. His hands were covered in silver rings. She couldn't see them well, but he had at least two or three on each hand. He always wore a silver chain, but she couldn't see what was on it as he was always tucked underneath his shirt only allowing part of it to show.

Hermione knew she had changed in look wise. Until fourth year she hadn't cared what she looked like. That's when she began to put time into her appearance. But it wasn't until this year she had any money or time to try harder. The ministry awarded her, Harry, and Ron, with a substantial amount of galleons for their “hardships;" it was all a joke. Just a way to make the ministry look better after their failures during the war. 

Hermione wore a white button up every day per uniform and a Gryffindor tie. She always wore a cardigan sweater with the Gryffindor symbol embroidered on it, over her shirt and tie. She wore her skirts shorter than she had in years past, her legs showing more than ever. She made sure every night to do a hair removal charm on them and apply a good deal of lotion to them. She had learned how to use glamour charms to fix her hair, after years of trial and error, it only took her minutes to achieve managing her head of curls. She made sure her hair was never bushy, her clothes were never wrinkled or looked ratty. She refused to be the girl she had once been. 

Her last class ended at four in the afternoon, where she slowly began to make her way to the library, she made sure to take her time. She had just gotten to the main staircase when she heard an unfamiliar male voice behind her “Granger.” She turned around and came face to face with Theodore Nott, who was smirking down at her, she didn't respond, she didn't get a chance “Where are you headed off to?”

Hermione blinked a few times, still stopped at the top of the stairs “The library.” She replied dryly.

“Yeah, that's what Draco said. You guys are meeting there.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

She frowned at him, “If you already knew, then why did you ask?”

Theodore Nott shrugged and began walking down the stairs gesturing for her to do the same. “I just wanted to see if you'd lie to me.”

She walked down the stairs behind him, she wasn't sure what to say to him. It's not like they were friends, in fact other than Draco's hopefully non-existent funeral, this was their first time actually talking to each other.

The brown-haired boy quietly said “105 until Christmas Day.”

Hermione stopped walking on the stairs. He couldn't possibly mean what she thought he meant. There was no way for Theodore Nott to know that Draco Malfoy intended to end his life on Christmas Day. Furthermore, there was no way for Theodore Nott to know that Hermione had been sent back in time to stop him from doing so. She tried to rationalize it to herself, maybe he was just excited for the holiday? Or the break from classes? Maybe Theodore Nott was a very big fan of Christmas, maybe he loved trees, presents, cookies, lights, Santa, snow, and all the other stuff that came along with the winter holiday?

The way he was smiling at her made her feel sick. Like he knew what he had just said caused her uneasy and dread. The war his eyes glinted and the way he looked proud of himself, she wasn't so sure it was just the holiday he was referring to. 

Theodore Nott spoke again “Draco is a big fan of Christmas. He has big things planned for that day.”

Hermione had to hold onto the railing of the stairs to stop herself from falling down the steps. Her legs were shaking with unease and dread. She couldn't think about anything, all she could picture in her head was Draco Malfoy laying in that black casket, his mother screaming and crying out for her only child who she would never see alive again. She didn't know how he knew, but she was absolutely positive about one thing. She was positive that Theodore Nott knew that Draco Malfoy was going to kill himself on Christmas night, and Theodore Nott knew that she was trying to stop the blonde from doing so.

Nott kept talking now he was casually leaning against the railing of the stairs looking as if he had no care in the world “It'll be here quicker than you would think.”

She was still frozen in absolute shock and dread to respond to him for a second. She forced herself to let out a shaky breath before she forced herself to ask in a quiet unsure voice “How do you know?”

Nott laughed as if what she had said was hilarious to him in every way imaginable. He didn't even make sure nobody else was around before he pulled a time turner out of his pocket for just a second before he slipped it back in. “Don't be so daft Granger. Do you honestly think you're the only one Narcissa sent back?”

Hermione tried to process what Theodore was saying, the time turner he had shown her. He was trying to save Draco Malfoy, just like she was. Theodore Nott was trying to stop one of his friends from committing suicide just like her. 

Theodore was still smiling at her “I didn't think Narcissa sent anyone else back but me. But that day in Ancient Runes when you talked to us, I was suspicious. That didn't happen before. The way you purposely didn't partner with anyone and had to be put with Draco I was almost positive. What was really the nail in the coffin, what really told me that you were doing the same things as me, was the way you looked at him. I've been watching you over the last few days, I've seen how you watch him all the time. I'm not sure how he doesn't notice, you're not really slick about it. If anyone else has noticed the way you look at him, they probably think you're in love with him.” 

Hermione's brain was going a million miles an hour. She didn't care what anyone else thought, she had to watch him and try to figure him out. She was only able to ask him, “You're trying to save him too?”

Nott rolled his eyes “Obviously I'm trying to save him. Now, I've been thinking, we need to come up with a badass name for our duo, like a team name.”

She shook her head “What? No thank you.”

He ignored her “I have a few in mind, like the desperate soul redemption riders, the lifeline duo, or the reluctant mercy mission.” He was smiling at her waiting for her reaction, acting like this was all some fun side mission, or some kind of joke.

“You cannot be serious.” She protested. 

Nott chuckled, “I'm very serious, we need a name. Maybe we can get matching shirts with the name on it too. Ooo or have a really cool theme song, like Ghostbusters.”

Hermione finally got steady, got her head together and she began walking down the stairs. She had to go meet Malfoy. She wasn't going to miss an opportunity to talk to him, it might be one of her only chances.

To her annoyance Theodore followed her as she walked “My personal favorite of the names is definitely the desperate soul redemption riders. It really makes us sound like great people. And you know that can't hurt.”

She shook her head “No. There is no name for this. It's serious, not some game.”

The brown-haired boy ignored her and began to hum the Ghostbusters song.

She was soon very annoyed “How do you even know that? Movies are a muggle thing.”

Theodore Nott's smirk got wider, "I've seen some movies. I don't live under a rock.”

She rolled her eyes at him for what felt like the hundredth time.

The whole way down to the library she heard him right behind her humming the song and even occasionally singing “Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters.”

When she got to the library Theodore Nott stopped finally humming, instead he quietly said to her “Just.. don't give up on him. He's an asshole and a complete prat, but he's… just don't give up Granger. You and I need to save him. I can't go into our dorm and find him dead again.” 

Before she could respond, Theodore Nott was walking away. Her heart sank, Nott had been the one to find Malfoy dead. She had never actually thought about who had found him, but it hurt to think it was Nott, and he could still remember it all happening.

She stood in the entrance of the library for a few minutes, she was shaking now. She wasn't sure why the revelation had shaken her up so much, but it had. The thought of Theodore Nott leaving the Christmas feast and going to his dorm for the night, just to find Malfoy laying there dead, or dying, it broke her heart completely. She felt like she was going to cry but she held back. She couldn't. She wouldn't. She needed to stay calm and go deal with Malfoy.

She tried her best to compose herself before she opened the door and forced herself to stay calm as she walked in, going towards the familiar table she suspected he would be at.

He was sitting there looking annoyed and glaring at her as she walked towards him. On the table she saw he had the same notebook covered in quidditch stickers, he seemed to carry it everywhere, it was covered by a new book, she couldn't read the title yet. In front of him were papers and a few books on accident rune translations.

When she got to the table, she pulled out her seat as she was sitting, Malfoy was glaring harder before he barked at her “Where the fuck have you been? You're over five minutes late.”

She shook her head “Sorry, I was caught up.”

Malfoy shook his head, sneering at her “I don't like when people aren't punctual. It's very fucking rude. You just leave me waiting all fucking day? As if I don't have anything better to do than wait for you?”

She was shocked by his small outburst from her being a little over five minutes late. She usually would have just left and refused to work with him. But she couldn't do that. She couldn't leave him alone. “I apologize.” She said, trying to sound sincere rather than rude, “It won't happen again.”

He nodded “Don't let it happen again. I don't know if it's okay for you muggles to go around being late, but generally wizards have more courtesy.”

She glared at him and rudely snapped at him, “I'm not a muggle.” 

He looked pleased with himself as he shrugged and looked down at the papers in front of him. 

She looked at her own copies of the same papers, the ones they had to work together to translate. But she glanced up to look at the current book he had on his notebook, knowing it was likely the one he was reading in his spare time. It was a black book she could see on the cover the gold words “Holy Bible” and under that read “King James Version.” 

She was surprised to say the least, the last thing she had ever expected Draco Malfoy to be reading was the Holy Bible. But it sat right there. She quickly looked away so he wouldn't notice that she saw the book. She had grown up going to church with her parents, but it had always bored her, she used to bring other books to mass and read them instead of paying attention. Once she started Hogwarts, she stopped attending all together. She wasn't religious, she didn't believe in that stuff. The Bible was one of the only books she hadn't read, she had always planned on it. Not for religious reasons but she knew it would help round her knowledge more. She had just never gotten around to it.

Malfoy pulled her from her thoughts as he looked at the papers, his head down as it often was these days “I took it upon myself to translate the title-”

She cut him off “I did the same.”

Malfoy's eyes snapped up to her and he glared, shaking his head “I expected as much. Now would you shut up and let me speak? From what I gathered it's an ancient inscription they used during the springtime, I assume they did it somewhere in the dirt. The enchantments and inscription made everything planted in the soil flourish and come to life. To bring ancient wizards and witches a plentiful harvest.”

Hermione nodded her head, she had gathered the same from her work. She added “It's very old. At least from the early Middle Ages.”

He rolled his eyes “No shit. The fucking title took me two hours to do by itself.”

“Yeah, it took me about the same time.” She replied, “I think the best way to do this would be if you did every other rune and I'll do the others.”

He shrugged “Fine. Whatever. I'll take all the odd numbered ones, and you take the evens.”

Without another word he opened one of his books on Ancient Runes and began working. 

Hermione wanted to talk to him, but she didn't know what to say. She couldn't just chat with him; he would never allow it. She opened her book and worked as well. They sat there for hours silently working and translating. Neither of them said a word to the other. It was almost peaceful.

Occasionally she would look over at him as he worked across from her, she noticed how he squinted his eyes when he was concentrating. She noticed that a few strands of his hair were out of place, something very unlike him. He took up most of the table with his size alone, she wouldn't have even fit if she sat next to him, unless she was right next to him. She wouldn't want to ever be that close to him. She only let herself look at him for a few seconds at a time, and she hoped he didn't notice. By the way his expression never changed, how his eyes never left his books and pages, she was sure he didn't. 

His handwriting was absolutely atrocious, which she hadn't expected. He had no doubt had years of tutoring as a child, hadn't they taught him how to write in legible handwriting? Maybe they had tried but it didn't work. Either way she was already dreading trying to read his work.

When it was nearly seven, he slammed his book shut. “I'm done for today.” 

She looked over at him, her eyes had been on the rune she was working on “How many did you translate today?” She asked him.

He looked annoyed, “Seven of them.” He sighed.

She replied, “I got eight done.”

He glared at her, “We'll, great for you.” He sarcastically said packing his papers and books in his black leather bag.

Her eyes went back to his personal items that he seemed to carry around rather than put in his bag. The Bible and that notebook with quidditch players on it. She could hardly see the notebook but saw Viktor Krum’s sticker poking out.

Without thinking she asked him, “You like Krum?”

He looked confused for a second then he looked at his notebook, she expected him to snap at her for looking at his stuff but instead he only replied “Only an idiot wouldn't. He's one of the best seekers in the world.”

Hermione nodded her head “Yeah, he's a pretty good seeker.”

He rolled his eyes “I'm not daft, you don't even fucking like quidditch. That much has always been obvious. I mean every quidditch match you look bored to tears.” A moment of silence took over before he asked her “Do you still talk to him?”

She looked over at him “Who? Viktor?”

Malfoy sighed dramatically and looked at her as if she was retarded “Obviously.”

She shook her head “Oh no, not so much anymore. I haven't seen him or talked to him since Ron's brother's wedding before we left to go on the run.”

Malfoy looked uninterested but he replied, “That's too bad, I would have given you good money for a signed card.” He stood up grabbing his notebook and Bible before saying “Be here Sunday at ten in the morning. That's when I'll want to work again. You better be on time.”

She rolled her eyes but before she could respond he was already rushing out of the library.

Chapter Text

September 16, 1998, again, 100 days until December 25th.

The last five days had been completely frustrating for Hermione. The last two times she had met with Malfoy to work on their project had been completely unsuccessful in terms of trying to get to know him. 

He was silent the whole time they sat at the table together, he didn't get upset at her because she was on time to both study sessions. He just grunted in acknowledgement to her when she arrived and worked silently. After the last time he gave her his work so far so she could begin compiling them. It wasn't like she hadn't tried to talk to him. Last night as they worked together, she asked him how he was, which received a glare, she asked him how his classes were which received an eye roll. Whenever he announced he was done for the night he packed up and stormed off, every time walking as fast as possible and looking like he was pissed off.

It was a rainy Wednesday morning. The castle felt damp and cold as Hermione walked through the corridors down to breakfast, Ron and Harry by her side as the boys talked about quidditch practice the day before. The two boys had come down from their dormitory at the same time as Hermione, so they walked together. Ron had seemed very excited to see her, and he even asked her what book she was holding. After she attempted to explain The Count of Monte Cristo to him, he lost interest. They tried to include Hermione in conversation about quidditch, but she had no real interest in the sport.

 She only started going to the matches in the first place to support Harry, then in later years Ron, and Ginny as well. Even her short-lived romance with Viktor Krum hadn't made her interested in the sport. It was something she had loved about Viktor, he never tried to make her someone she wasn't. Unlike Ron, Ron wanted her to be the person he wanted to be with, not who she was.

When they got to the great hall Ron sat right next to her, Harry joined Ginny across from them. Like he often did, Ron was sitting entirely too close for her liking. She couldn't even move away from him as Neville was sitting on the other side of her.

Neville excitedly showed Hermione the new book on herbology he got a few weeks ago. She nodded and pretended to be interested in conversation with him. She actually had been very interested in the book the first time she had lived this and he showed it to her. But she had borrowed it right before Christmas last time and read it. However, Neville didn't know that he hadn't lived this before, so for his benefit she acted interested and asked questions.

She grabbed herself some eggs, a few pieces of bacon and toast. Being near Ron meant you had to get your food before he could if you wanted to eat. She was used to it, Ron just didn't think of others often and took whatever he wanted. She ate while listening to Neville and commenting when necessary to seem interested. Neville stopped talking about halfway through breakfast and focused on her food instead.

Ron seemed like he had been waiting for this, he moved closer to her and whispered quietly to her “You look nice today Mione.”

She stiffened; she hated this. She hated hearing him say things like this, but she couldn't make herself be mean to him, no matter what. Ron was too important to her; he was one of her best friends. She couldn't hurt him so instead she muttered “Thank you.”

Ron smiled at her; he was much too close; his side was touching hers. It was too intimate for her liking. He quietly said, “I miss you.”

She looked away from him not sure how to respond, before she quietly said, “I'm here.”

He chuckled and nodded his head, staying close to her as he ate breakfast. 

She was looking anywhere else but at the ginger boy right next to her. Her eyes instinctively went to the Slytherin table to go check if Malfoy was there. To make sure he was alive. She had an irrational fear he was going to end his life earlier, which she was sure he wouldn't. She didn't have to worry about that until December 25th. When her eyes found his, he wasn't doing the same thing he always did. Usually, he kept his head down and read while he ate, he didn't seem to notice anyone around him. But not today, his head was up, he was eating but instead of looking at his book she could have sworn his eyes were locked on her. When she looked at him, he quickly looked away, opening his book and looking down. 

She stared at him longer than she ever had before that morning. His expression was as stoic as ever, he looked like he didn't care about anything or anybody in the world. Like nothing bugged him. He didn't even glance at his friends who were talking around him. She was sure he had looked right at her; how long had he been looking at her? It couldn't have been long. Most likely he was looking to see if she was working on compiling their work together. He was probably worried she wasn't doing it exactly how he wanted it done. 

She looked away after nearly half a minute of looking at him. She looked down at her food and quickly ate, trying to get out of there. To get away from Ron who was invading her space, and away from Malfoy. She was nervous the whole time, what if he was looking at her again? Being watched by anybody made her uneasy and uncomfortable but being watched by him. By the suicidal boy who she was supposed to be saving, made her stomach twist in uneasy knots.

She was far too tired to deal with this at the moment. She felt like she was surviving off of fumes. She hadn't slept but for only a few hours again last night before she was woken up by a nightmare, this one was the memory of Oliver Wood carrying Colin Creevey’s body during the battle of Hogwarts. He seemed so young, even though he was only a year younger than her. She saw Fred's dead body laying there as Molly cried over his body. The dream then turned into Draco Malfoy's dead body rotting away in front of her, in the black casket he was in during his funeral. She woke up at a little past 4 in the morning in a sweat.

It was Wednesday so she had herbology that morning followed by history of magic. Both classes she had with Malfoy. After lunch she had arithmancy which Malfoy did not have, thankfully. The feeling of unease in her stomach made her not want to be around him at all.

She walked with Ron and Harry down to the greenhouses after breakfast. It reminded her so much of how things used to be, when they were kids. Going down to herbology and replanting things like mandrakes. Sometimes Hermione missed those times, life seemed easier than. Even with everything that they had to deal with, but they were always together. Her, Ron, and Harry, were always together, doing everything together. They were like a team, a trio who were working together. Things were so different now; they weren't a team anymore. It felt like she didn't even know them anymore. It wasn't just from when she went back in time, it had been before that too. They didn't need her anymore like they had. They didn't laugh anymore; they didn't spend afternoons together. Ron and Harry did, she was the odd one out these days.

When they got to the greenhouse they sat together at a workstation. They were planting dittany today, one of the pants that would be on their N.E.W.T.s. The Three of them worked in relative silence, Ron and Harry joking with each other as they worked, but not with her. They had complained that the war made her lose her sense of humor. 

Maybe they were right, she knew that part of her had died during the war, and she wouldn't ever get that piece of her back. She couldn't laugh at childish things anymore. She wasn't a child anymore. She often thought of a poem she read after the war that stuck with her, the poem was by Edna St. Vincent Millay. She didn't remember all of it but the first stanza had stuck with her. 

“Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age

The child is grown, and puts away childish things.

Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies.”

The war had taken so much from her, Tonks, Lupin, Lavender Brown, Colin Creevey, and Fred. She didn't know which one hurt the most, it had to have been Fred. Fred Weasley who she spent so much time with, Fred who had been her first crush, the Fred that made her laugh when nobody else could. 

She wasn't sure if that part of her had died with them at the battle. Or if it died when Bellatrix Lestrange had tortured her. Maybe it was a mixture of the two. 

She couldn't understand why the war hadn't affected Ron or Harry like it had her. They lost just as much as her, maybe even more. But they say with her able to act like children throwing dirt around and they planted their dittany, and they laughed together. 

Her eyes went to Malfoy; he was, like her, already done planting his dittany. Instead of reading like usual, he was writing in the notebook with quidditch stickers he carried around. His head was down as he wrote with his quill. Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini, and Pansy Parkinson sat by him. The couple was laughing together and talking. Nott was leaning back lazily looking at the glass of the greenhouse. None of them talked to Malfoy. It was like he wasn't even a part of their group. 

In the years before the war, he would have been the loudest at their table, making sure their attention was on him. Now their attention was the last thing he wanted.

The remainder of class went by slowly, and afterwards she said goodbye to Harry and Ron before making her way to history of magic, a class born boys dropped years ago. They didn't see the point in taking the class like she did. 

She just made it back inside the castle when Theodore Nott caught up to get smiling at her. “Hey Granger.” He said in a chipper voice. 

She glanced at him for a second before she nodded at him and kept walking side by side with the Slytherin. 

He quietly said, “Only 100 days until Christmas.”

She nodded her head slowly and quietly said “I'm aware.”

Theodore Nott looked down at her, for the first time she actually looked at him. He looked worried, like he hadn't been sleeping in days. Nott quietly said, “We need to talk, have a serious talk.”

She looked up at him and nodded. She had thought the same thing. They were the only two that knew what Malfoy was planning, they knew he was going to end his life on Christmas Day if they didn't find a way to stop him in time. Logically the only way to succeed would be to find a way to work together. To plan on what they'd do to try and stop him. 

Nott quietly said “Tomorrow after dinner, I know your busy tonight. Draco said he was meeting you in the library again.”

Hermione nodded her head again, agreeing with him “Where do you want to meet? The library?”

Nott looked at her like she was stupid “No, not the library, Draco is always there, he'll see us and be suspicious.”

“Okay, then where would we meet?”

He sighed dramatically, ”Must I come up with everything Granger?”

She rolled her eyes “Fine. How about the astronomy tower?”

Theodore Nott, nodded “That works, be there after dinner.” With that he walked quickly away from her.

Hermione spent all of history of magic class looking at Draco Malfoy. The more and more she looked at him she could see how sad he seemed. He never smiled, he never laughed. He always looked between being upset about something and having no feelings at all. But once every ten or twenty minutes She would catch him frowning rather than being stoic. But more often than not he was completely emotionless.

 The most surprising thing she saw today was when Malfoy stretched in class, stretching his neck, exposing part of his skin that was always covered by robes or his shirt, it was a small tattoo with numbers. Her heart sank, she recognized the tattoo, it was the same one that Sirius had had. It was what all prisoners of Azkaban were given, to mark them, label them as a prisoner. His prisoner number was only exposed for a second or less before he was back to his usual stance. 

She left class right when it left, she wanted to get to lunch before Ron so she could eat lunch in peace. She was right outside of the classroom when Draco Malfoy was walking side by side with her, at first, she thought it was an accident but as she slowed, so did he. They walked in silence until right before they got to the great hall, he asked her “You'll be at the library this afternoon? I'll be there by four.”

She nodded her head “Yes, I'll be there.” 

He didn't say anything else to her and walked into the great hall. She silently walked to the mostly empty Gryffindor table. She was surprised he asked if she was coming to meet him today to work. He had never asked her that before he just assumed she would show up. And he had never walked with her, anywhere. He always rushed past her to get to wherever he was going. She did think she could remember seeing Draco Malfoy walking with anyone this year, not even the first time she lived it. He always rushed to wherever he was going.

She ate as fast as she could, the last thing she wanted was a repeat of breakfast with Ron. She hated when he got that close to her, it gave her the creeps these days. Luckily by the time she scarfed down a sandwich Ron and Harry hadn't gotten there yet, allowing her to leave without having to talk to Ron.

She went to arithmancy, one of her favorite subjects. She diligently took notes although she didn't need to. But it kept her distracted. There was nothing else to do in that class, she couldn't watch Draco Malfoy in that class, he didn't take arithmancy. She enjoyed the numbers and seeing how they had so much meaning in magic, all the things you could do with it amazed her. Nobody else she knew seemed to see it like that, others took the class for a good job in the future. 

Arithmancy like usual went by entirely too fast. She didn't have an afternoon class, and it was only two, so she went to the library and spent time doing homework. It was simple, she had done it all before. She then finished compiling hers and Malfoy's work they had so far, which was not easy. Deciphering his chicken scratch was nearly as hard as translating the runes themselves.

She found herself nervously tapping on the table as her mind wandered while she worked. 100 days was all she had left. 14 days, two weeks had already passed, and she felt like she had done absolutely nothing to help Malfoy. She was nowhere close to saving him or stopping him. If this continued, he would be dead in only 100 days, and it would be her fault. 

Malfoy interrupted her by slamming his stuff down on the table, taking the seat across from her. He looked as annoyed with her as he always was “I'm shocked, Granger. You're early for a change, rather than late.”

She rolled her eyes and muttered “I was late one time.”

She ignored her and threw open his book and began working. She noticed how he kept glancing up at her like he wanted to say something but didn't know how to say whatever he needed to. She let it go and worked on her own part, she was finished compiling the work, so she went back to working on more translations.

After fifteen minutes he cleared his throat and kept his eyes on the paper “Why were you and Theodore talking earlier?”

She looked at him, her lips parting slightly in surprise. “What?” She asked, shocked.

He sighed “If you don't want people to know you were talking to him, maybe don't walk around the castle with him in front of everyone leaving the same class.”

Hermione quickly lied “Nott and I were talking about arithmancy.” She thanked god that Theodore Nott took the class with her. She never cared that he was there before but now it was an easy excuse.

Malfoy narrowed his eyes at her and said in an annoyed tone, “Theodore said you were good friends.”

She nodded her head and mumbled “I wouldn't say good.”

He dropped the subject and went back to working on his translations. She tried to go back to work on her own and after five minutes she was able to work again.

They worked in a somewhat comfortable silence for a long time, she had to force herself not to look at him. It was hard not to, not to study him as she had been doing for the last two weeks but she didn't want him to know she was watching him. Malfoy would definitely not react positively to that revaluation. 

It was late, they had been working for hours but neither had left yet or mentioned quitting. Both of them had gotten into a groove, quickly translating and neither wanted to ruin their workflow.

Hermione hadn't even noticed the intruder until a brown paper bag was slammed down on the table hard. She looked up and saw a very angry ginger boy.

Ron was yelling before she could even process him being there “What the fuck are you doing here with him?! With this fucking piece of shit death eater?!”

Hermione blinked a few times looking at Malfoy whose face remained ever stoic. She finally got out “Ron what are you doing here?”

Ron was clenching his fists as he hissed “I came here to bring you dinner because you didn't come down to dinner. I figured you'd be here like usual. But here I find you with the fucking enemy!”

Malfoy actually smirked and leaned back looking amused at Ron's anger. Malfoy chuckled “The enemy? Really Weasel?”

Ron looked like he was about to hit something, his face just as red as his hair “Yes, the fucking enemy! You're a death eater; you fought for Voldemort! And I find my sweet Hermione sitting here with you? Mione, I don't know how he tricked you to sit by him, but he could have hurt you he could have-”

Hermione cut him off snapping at Ron “Malfoy and I are partners for a project in ancient runes. He's not going to attack me in the middle of the library.”

Ron looked at her pissed off “I never thought you were stupid Hermione but you're certainly acting like it. Don't forget to him you're nothing but a filthy mudblood.”

Hermione winced at the words from Ron's mouth, her arm hurting like it did every time she heard that word. She was about to say something to Ron, she wasn't even sure yet. But less than a second after he said that Malfoy who no longer looked amused snapped at Ron “Don't ever fucking call her that. Do you not have any common decency, Weasel? I assumed even people living in poverty were taught manners.”

Ron laughed “Me call her that? You're the one that calls her that. You call every muggle born that.”

Malfoy glared at the tall ginger boy and hissed, ”Not anymore, weasel.”

Ron rolled his eyes “Hermione you need to get up and come with me right now. You shouldn't be around him, he's vile and dangerous.”

Hermione rolled her eyes at her ex, ”Ron calm down we're working on a project like I said, that's it.”

Ron shook his head “I don't give a fuck about why you're with him. You shouldn't be near him at all. Get up and leave with me.”

“Ron, no. Don't act like an ass-”

She was cut off by Malfoy who was placing his stuff up and saying, “Don't worry about its Granger, I'm leaving anyways.” 

With that Malfoy quickly left, not looking at her or Ron again. 

Hermione silently packed her stuff as Ron watched. The ginger boy was still breathing heavily but not saying anything to her about what just happened. She didn't say anything to him either. Not as she stood up and walked with him following behind her. Not when they walked around the castle, not even when they got to the Gryffindor tower. The entire time he followed closely behind her, both of them silent. She was angry with Ron, and she knew he was angry at her. 

She turned to him as she stood at the bottom of stairs of the girl's dormitory and said to him in a tone as calmly as she could manage, “Don't ever do that again. Don't forget you're not my boyfriend anymore.”

She didn't wait for him to reply before running up the stairs. She quickly ripped off her uniform the second she reached her once again empty dorm and put on her pajamas, sweats and an old shirt. She collapsed in her bed. She couldn't believe Ron, it was so like him to rush in and try to act like some hero. Saving her from something she didn't need saving from. Malfoy wasn't going to hurt her, even if he did despise her. He definitely wasn't going to attack her in the fucking library of all places. 

She closed her eyes, praying that she wouldn't dream of Malfoy's decaying body that night.

Chapter Text

September 17, 1998, again, 99 days until December 25th.

Less than one hundred days were left to stop Draco Malfoy from ending his life. His life, that would be far too short if she failed to stop him, he would forever be eighteen, never getting to fully be an adult. His life would end before it ever really began. 

She felt as if she had gotten absolutely nowhere in the last two weeks if anything she felt further away from getting to know Malfoy than she had in the beginning. In truth she had not learned many more things about him than what she had observed on the first day of watching him. She made a mental list of what she had observed. Malfoy was alone and seemed to order it; he rarely bothered to talk to others. Malfoy could not stay still for the life of him, one of his legs was always bouncing or his fingers tapping on the table as if it physically hurt him to stay still. Malfoy was huge, much bigger than she had remembered. Lastly, Malfoy had spent two months at Azkaban and his father was scheduled to receive the dementors' kiss in only a little over two months.

The thought of it made her feel physically ill, sick to her stomach. She told herself it wouldn't happen again, it couldn't. Draco Malfoy was going to live until he was old and grey. She would make sure he lived a very long long life.

Hermione had avoided Ron the whole day, after the incident in the library the previous night. She couldn't stand to be around him when he acted like that. She hadn't gone to breakfast and sat away from him in classes, at lunch she grabbed a sandwich and ate it on the go, not staying at the table. She didn't have afternoon classes with him and at dinner she sat away from her friend group, instead sitting at the Ravenclaw table with Luna Lovegood, who seemed excited to have Hermione with her.

Hermione felt guilty; Luna was a very sweet girl, but Hermione could only handle so much of the girl at a time. Hermione had not been taking the time to spend time with Luna for their friendship. 

Luna was probably the most kindhearted person Hermione knew. Luna never talked bad or down to anyone else. She was always so positive and upbeat. Luna was confident in herself and didn't let anybody else's opinion of her effect her or change her.

Luna didn't sit at the Gryffindor table, ever. She had broken up with Neville after only a few weeks of their short-lived romance. Luna claimed she wasn't in love with him and never would. She didn't want to waste her time or Neville's. But even when she broke things off with the Gryffindor boy, she was kind and nice about it. She never hurt Neville and didn't want to.

After Luna began talking about the apparent newest infestation of Nargles that were supposedly residing in the prefect bathrooms, Hermione hit her limit and stopped paying attention to the blonde girl, only politely nodding when needed.

Hermione out of habit looked over at the Slytherin table. Draco Malfoy sat there, eating lamb chops and mashed potatoes. His head was down as he was reading whatever his current book was. She wondered if he was still reading the Bible or if he had moved on by now. She had forgotten to look last night after Ron ruined everything. 

She was dreading going to meet with Theodore Nott after dinner. Logically it made sense, to meet with Theodore Nott and come up with a plan to stop Malfoy. But that didn't account for the fact she found Theodore Nott completely annoying. It didn't matter what she thought of him, he was the only other one that knew, the only one that had the same goal as her. She could deal with Theodore Nott if it meant she would never have to go to Draco Malfoy's funeral again.

Luna rattled on until about the Nargles, and the latest edition of The Quibbler. Luna was just happy to talk at long as others were listening to her. Hermione loved that about Luna, it was never hard to be around the girl, it was always easy to be around her. Luna was light and made her feel light just being around her. 

When dinner was nearly over Hermione politely excused herself from the table. She gathered her stuff, packing it into her bag below and slowly made her way out of the great hall and to the astronomy tower. She was tired and would rather go to bed early, but she couldn't. She had to go meet Theodore Nott.

She got there before him, she sat on one of the only benches in the tower, waiting for the Slytherin boy to arrive. Taking out a book, One Hundred Years of Solitude. She waited and waited. Reading page after page as she waited for him. 

After nearly an hour she heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs before Theodore Nott came into the tower. His brown hair was messy, he looked as eccentric as he always did. He was grinning brightly at her as he said in an annoyingly chipper tone, “Let's begin the first meeting of the desperate soul redemption riders.”

Hermione rolled her eyes “That's not a thing. We don't have a name and we're certainly not a club or something. This is a serious matter.”

Theodore ignored her and sat next to her, riffling through his bag “We need to make a plan. To stop the git from killing himself.”

She nodded in agreement. “Yes, that's why we're here.” She wanted to ask him what he thought they should do when he pulled out a paper.

Theodore cleared his throat and began talking “Draco left the Christmas feast around nine o'clock. He was just as he had been all year at the dinner. He showed up with his book and read. He ate all the food and lots of sweets. He even put his book down long enough to play one game of wizarding chess with Blaise. Then at nine he left.”

Hermione’s heart sank, she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear this. Nott was telling her about the night Malfoy ended his own life.

Nott wouldn't look at her anymore, he was leaning back looking up at the ceiling “I mean, we weren't worried about him anymore. We were at the beginning of the term, but he never did anything rash or did anything that made us think he would do it. I mean that morning he even had gifts he bought us. He got Pansy some French perfume, Blaise a matching cologne, and he got me lots of sweets. He was normal that day. Completely normal, maybe even happier than any of us had seen in months.”

Nott took a steady deep breath before continuing “He wasn't the same since sixth year, I mean with the task he had to do… He was bragging at first, about getting the mark, you know? He was only sixteen and thought it made him special. It certainly made his father proud. But as months went by, Draco changed; he didn't talk a lot to anyone and was acting erratically. But he was still social and still communicating. He didn't want to be involved in any of it anymore. He fucking told me, he told me right before the battle that taking the dark mark was the worst mistake of his life, he hated it. He hated the things he was forced to do. But he didn't have a choice, he was protecting himself and his family. Then the war ended. God, I didn't think he would even survive Azkaban, I know two months doesn't seem like that much time. But God that amount of time in Azkaban killed whatever part of him was left in him. He never talks about it to anybody. Whenever it's brought up, He walks away or actually talks just to tell whoever brought it up to go to hell. He became even more withdrawn when he was let out and he didn't care about anything. I mean you see how he is. He doesn't care about anything; he's like a fucking zombie.”

Hermione wasn't looking at Nott anymore, instead she was looking at the sleeve of her sweater playing with a string that was coming untwined. 

Nott continued talking “I left the feast at around ten thirty. I didn't even notice at first, when I got to the dormitory. I was tired and had been drinking fire whiskey with Blaise. I nearly ran into him because it was so dark in the room. It was all the blood; I slipped in it. He had… he slit his wrists and was laying there on the fucking floor. He hadn't even made it to his bed. I got Blaise and we tried to rush him to the infirmary as quickly as possible. The second we got there; Madam Pomfrey gave him so many potions and did so many spells. But it was too late. Pomfrey said he was probably dead before I even found him. God, he looked horrible, so pale he lost so much blood. The cuts in his arms went so deep they nearly went to the bone. He had so much rage when he did that to himself, he didn't just want to end his life, he wanted to make it hurt and punish himself.”

There were a few moments of silence. Neither of them knew what to say to the other. The tension in the room was so thick it was nearly palpable. 

Theodore Nott sighed, with the kind of frustration and pain only she could understand. Nobody else in the world understood why he was so stressed out. “I know Draco is an asshole, and he's been missing but a complete ass to you since first year but... he's important to me to our friends. He's important to his family. I mean you saw Narcissa at the funeral, she doesn't love anybody as much as she loves her son.  He's important to a lot of people. We have to try Granger, try really hard. We have to stop him. I can't walk in and find him on the ground like that again. I can't hear Narcissa Malfoy crying for her only child again. It'll just mean I failed one of my best mates, and I swear to God, it'll kill me inside.”

Nott sighed, leaning further back into the wall. “He's miserable, he's so fucking miserable. He hates everything. I haven't seen him smile in months, not like he used to. I mean Christ, he's not even playing quidditch anymore. He doesn't fly his broom. He doesn't try to come up with schemes to fuck with Potter and Wesley. I mean he didn't even laugh when Potter had toilet paper stuck to his shoe last week. A few years ago, Draco would have been laughing and making jokes about it for weeks. All he does is fucking read and then read some more.”

Nott slowly opened the piece of paper he was carrying with him and unfolded it while saying in a sad voice “This was all that was found on him when he died. I brought it with me when I came back.”

The white paper was no longer just white, it was stained in dried blood and messy scrawl. In Draco Malfoy’s horrid handwriting the words on the page read:

  How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,” lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

Hermione didn't know what to think. Or what to say as she read it, his last words that Malfoy had immortalized in ink. It was a Bible verse she was sure of; however she did not know what verse. It made her think more about his religious beliefs. She didn't ever think him or other purebloods to be religious. But the priest had been at his funeral performing the service, she had seen Malfoy reading the bible. Now his last words, a Bible verse was all he chose to leave behind when he left this world. The blood he had spilled stained the page. She quietly asked the boy next to her “What are we supposed to do? I mean I can't think of anything.”

Nott quietly said “You, it's all you. I'm sure of it. Draco won't have anyone to do with me or our friends he thinks we're just pitting him or some stupid shit. You're different, he doesn't think you pity him. He wouldn't ever think you would.”

Hermione rolled her eyes “He doesn't want anything to do with me either, every time we work together, he ignores me. He doesn't even want to work together. He despises me, hates me.”

Nott sighed “That's why you have to spend more time with him. Keep on shoving your annoying and know it all presence down his throat until he gives in. Don't let him just push you away and make you give up.”

She sighed, sounding more like Nott who seemed to be sighing every few seconds “How am I supposed to do that? Him and I only ever talk a few times a week for working on our project. Even then he won't talk to him. He hardly looks at me, he acts like I'm not even there until he's ready to be done for the night.”

Nott smirked looking proud of himself as he said ”Don't work and that Granger, luckily for you I have already done us a favor and come up with a solid plan for us.”

Nott didn't finish and tell her the plan, so she had to inquire "Fine, what's your grand plan, Nott?”

Nott smirked at her and leaned closer to her “Well I already began laying the groundwork, I told Draco that you and I are good friends, remember?”

She nodded her head, running her hand through her hair annoyed with him and his antics already. “Yes, I recall. Thank you.”

Nott’s smirk stayed on his face as he said “So I'll start bringing you around, you know so you can be around him more often. I've already lied and told him, Blaise and Pansy that you and I are good friends. I told them we've been hanging out in arithmancy and stuff. So now you'll come and start sitting with me at some meals and in classes when Draco is around. He can't avoid you if we're shoving you down his throat all the time.”

Hermione immediately began to panic. She couldn't do that. She couldn't just start hanging around Theodore Nott and by extension his friends, Blaise Zabini, Pansy Parkinson, and Draco Malfoy. She couldn't even begin to imagine what everyone else would say. What would her friends think of her? They would hate it and possibly her if she suddenly began hanging around them. They had never gotten along with the Slytherin students, especially the ones that were in their year. Her friends might think there was something seriously wrong with her. Maybe they'd stop talking to her, or worse they'd fight with her about it. No. No. She couldn't do it. She wouldn't do it. It would completely sever the ties she had left with Harry and Ron. They would never forgive her if she openly befriended the people they hated for years.

But she had to. She knew Theodore Nott was right. She had to hang around them, act like she was friends with Nott. To try and get closer to Malfoy, to try and dig herself into his brain, to find a way to save his life. She could never forgive herself if she didn't do this and let Draco Malfoy kill himself. It didn't matter what Harry and Ron thought, not when there was a life on the line. Even if Draco Malfoy had done horrible things he had never done anything that deserved his death. He deserved to live a long and happy life, not one cut short. If it meant she had to betray her friends just for a while she would do so. She could only hope that they would one day forgive her for befriending their archrivals.

Nott spoke again “It's not a big deal Granger. Don't overthink it. Just come sit with me at lunch and a few dinners a week. Sit with me in a few classes. It's not going to kill you. It's no big deal.”

She looked down at the same string in the arm of her sweater, pulling on it slightly. “When would you suggest we start?” She asked the Slytherin boy.

Nott laughed as if she told a joke “Are you serious? Tomorrow of course. It's not like we have loads of time Granger, we only have 99 days until he's going to end his life. So tomorrow come and sit with me at lunch.”

Hermione slowly nodded her head, already dreading going to sit with him at lunch. But it was the best plan either of them had come up with. So, she'd do it, she'd go sit with Nott and hope that she would have a chance to interact with Malfoy. Although she doubted it. Malfoy would most likely ignore her presence like he did everyone else around him during every moment of his life. Maybe he'd glare at her before reading his book. But that was the most interaction she would likely get from him.

Nott was still smirking at her in the way he often did. She was realizing that more often than not that was his default expression he carried, he never looked like he was serious. He looked as if he took everything as a joke. “Great, I'll save a seat next to me.” 

She sighed and whispered in a worried tone “What if we can't find a real way? To stop him?”

Theodore Nott stopped smirking and looked at the ground frowning. He was silent for a few seconds before smirking again. “Well, I guess you and I will kidnap him before he leaves the Christmas dinner feast and keep him restrained until we can find a better way to stop him.”

She rolled her eyes at him, something she found she did often around the Slytherin, “We can't do that.” 

He chuckled and shrugged “We won't have to. We'll stop him by that point. It's just our current worst-case scenario, I guess.”

Hermione sighed and nodded “Okay, I'll sit with you tomorrow. But you and I need to start meeting on a regular basis to discuss this.”

Theodore Nott laughed “Of course I think the desperate soul redemption riders should be meeting at least once a week. Let's just plan on meeting here every Thursday after dinner. If one of us can't make it, we'll reschedule for that week.”

She wanted to tell him that was not their name again and there was no group, but he seemed to enjoy it when it riled her up. Instead, she agreed with him “Okay, every Thursday after dinner from now until December 25th.”

Nott stood up to leave, stretching as he got off the bench before saying “Oh and Granger, you're definitely wrong about something.”

She furrowed her eyebrows “About what?”

Nott gave her one more of his signature smirks “Draco Malfoy Definitely does not despise you.” And with that Theodore Nott left the astronomy tower.

Chapter Text

September 18, 1998, again, 98 days until December 25th.

In all the time they had done to school together Hermione had never paid close attention to Theodore Nott. He never stood out to her; he wasn't anyone special. He was just a Slytherin boy who hung around Draco Malfoy and his gang of obnoxious Slytherins. Theodore wasn't like the others; he had always been quiet and never said a bad word about anyone. Not that he was innocent, she remembered he had worn one of the “Potter Stinks” buttons that Malfoy had made in their fourth year. All of the Slytherins had worn them. 

Theodore Nott had never especially stood out to her. Not that it was anything against him, he was a good-looking guy. She had noticed that everyone could see it. Theodore Nott was also very smart. He was in all of her classes, even the extracurriculars. He got excellent grades and was often in the top five percentile of their year. Nott was a lot of things, annoying, aggravating, but Theodore Nott was definitely not stupid at all. 

Hermione had not been looking forward to lunch all morning. Maybe that was why morning classes seemed to breeze by with no time at all. It was a physiological thing she noticed happened to her often, whenever she was dreading something, time seemed to fly by to the event. She was second guessing herself; did she actually have to sit with Nott and therefore with Malfoy? She knew she had to. She couldn't waste more time; she knew Malfoy didn't have time to waste. But that didn't make the idea of sitting with them any easier. 

She sat across the room from the group of Slytherins that morning in Transfiguration, she noticed how even when Nott seemed to be laughing loudly. Probably at his own jokes. Malfoy never looked up, he kept his head down as he read the textbook thoroughly, he looked more annoyed than usual. Or so she thought. It was always hard to tell how he was feeling, his usual stoic expression gave nothing away. 

Hermione sat with Ron and Harry. Neither she nor Ron mentioned the incident in the library only two days ago. She wanted to forget the embarrassing experience and it seemed Ron also did. At least until the end of class. Usually, the second transfiguration ended Ron would be rushing to the great hall to get lunch, he never waited for food. However, today he seemed to be waiting for Hermione.

She packed her stuff into her bag before trying to calm herself down and she turned to face him. “Yes, Ron?”

He began to walk with her as they made their way out of the classroom and into the busy corridor “Listen Mione, maybe I overreacted slightly but seeing you with him made me so upset. I mean you know all of the horrible things he's done.”

Hermione quietly said “It's not like I'm friends with him. It's for a project.” She was lying. It wasn't just for the project; in fact, she knew she had to try to become sort of a friend to Malfoy to try and help him. 

Ron nodded his head “Yeah, I know.”

They walked in silence as they made their way down to the great hall until Ron asked her “Listen, when are you working with him again?”

She replied “I'm not sure, probably in two days. We don't have plans for tonight and since my birthday is tomorrow, I don't plan on it then either.”

Ron nodded and quickly said “Next time you have to work with him let me know and I'll come with.”

Hermione rolled her eyes “You will not.”

Ron sighed, sounding very annoyed and upset “You need protection. Especially from him. He's not to be trusted.”

Hermione now was the one who sounded annoyed “I never said I trusted him. But I don't think that Draco Malfoy is going to attack me in the library with witnesses around.”

He ran a hand through his messy red hair “Listen, it would just make me feel loads better if you let me tag along. I promise I won't say anything. I'll just sit there and make sure there's no funny business from him.”

“Ron, no. I mean it.” She sternly said as they walked into the great hall. 

Before Ron could reply to Ron, Theodore Nott walked over to her smiling. “Come on Granger!” He excitedly said. Nott was much too excited about this. 

“What does he mean, come on?” Ron asked, sounding very upset.

Nott smirked, “Granger is having lunch with me today, ginger .” He said ginger and though it were a slur.

Ron was dumbfounded he was staring at Nott and Hermione in disbelief “That's not funny.” He finally choked out after a minute.

Nott giggled “It's not a joke. She's sitting with me so excuse us, ginger.”

With that before Ron could respond Nott grabbed her arm and began to lead her over to the Slytherin table. As they walked away Ron talked out “Hermione no, you better not!”

Nott laughed the whole way to the table he only stopped when they were feet away from his friend group, he then lowly whispered to her “Just have fun, nobody here is going to bite you. Unless you ask.” 

She cringed away from him slightly and he sat down, across from Zabini, Parkinson, and Malfoy. The couple was sitting closely together, Zabini literally feeding Parkinson her salad. Draco's eyes were down at his book. He didn't look up at them as they sat not even acknowledging their presence. 

It was strange sitting on this side of the hall, from here she could see the banisters on the left side of the wall so much better. She could see the details woven into the tapestries. She was concentrated on that for a few minutes studying them closer, when she finally looked away, she was saw two pairs of eyes staring at her. Zabini and Parkinson looking at her in shock, like they couldn't believe she was there. Malfoy still hadn't looked up, not even when he ate, he took bites of his sandwich never lifting his eyes from his book.

Theodore Nott smiled “Good afternoon, Draco.”

Malfoy still didn't look up and waved him off. 

Parkinson opened her mouth to say something but then closed it right away.  Up close Hermione could actually appreciate how beautiful the Slytherin girl had become. Her long black hair was so smooth and shiny as it fell down her back. So no longer had a squished pug like face, she had grown into it, her face was now sharp and defined. 

Nott smirked interrupting her thoughts. “Draco look there's something different about today.”

Malfoy still wouldn't look up “Fuck off Nott. I'm not in the mood for your stupid fucking games today.” He then flipped the page his eyes never leaving his book.

It was Zabini that talked next, Hermione wasn't sure if she ever heard him talk before. He was always so quiet and had always been. His voice was low and deep “What is the golden girl sitting with us?”

This seemed to get Malfoy's attention. His head snapped up, his eyes immediately landing on Hermione. His mouth was slightly opened, shocked. He didn't speak though, just staring at her. 

Nott laughed deeply ”I told you guys; Hermione and I are friends. I said she'd come sit with me during meals.”

Parkinson spoke in her high-pitched voice “But we thought you were lying! You lie literally all the time. I mean a few months ago you were lying about breeding unicorns. Why would we ever believe you when one day out of nowhere you say you and Hermione Granger are good friends?”

Nott smirked “Well look! I was telling the truth, this time. Granger, I'm sure you know Blaise and Pansy. Of course, you know Draco already.”

Hermione nodded her head and tried to give the three Slytherins the smile. Both Zabini and Parkinson were looking at her in shock, Malfoy was just blankly staring at her. “It's really nice over here.” She said, not knowing else to say. 

Nott rolled his eyes “We didn't choose the location of our table, Granger.”

Parkinson quickly asked her “Why are you sitting here? Did Theodore force you?”

Hermione shook her head “No he didn't force me. He just asked me to sit with him today.”

Malfoy moved pushing the plate of sandwiches in the middle of the take towards her and Nott, but he didn't say anything. Theodore quickly grabbed three “Thank Merlin, I've been starving all day. The eggs at breakfast were too runny, and the bacon was burnt. Honestly the house elves around here couldn't cook to save their lives.”

Hermione stiffened. She hated whenever people talked down on the house elves. They didn't deserve it. They were innocent creatures who just craved the approval of witches and wizards. She held herself back. This was not about the house elves, or even Theodore Nott’s opinion on the creatures. Sitting here, across the hall from her home, from her friends, was only about one thing. Trying to get closer to Draco Malfoy. To try and force her friendship on him until he gave in. Maybe then she would finally find a way to save his life. Malfoy who wasn't looking at his book, he hadn't even looked at it since she sat down. His eyes were trained in her and Theodore, looking between them. 

She nervously grabbed one of the sandwiches and took a bite. Not tasting it and trying to calm down. Everything was fine, she was sitting here at the Slytherin table and nothing bad had happened. Nothing bad would happen.

Parkinson spoke again, interrupting her thoughts of trying to calm down “How did you and Theodore become friends? I've never seen the two of you speak before in my life.” As the slytherin girl spoke her boyfriend was gently playing with the ends of her raven hair. It was obvious to anybody who looked that Blaise Zabini was absolutely and completely in love with Pansy Parkinson. He looked at her like she had hung the moon in sky. No, more than that. He looked at her like she was the world, his whole world. 

Hermione nervously said “We started talking in Arithmancy, we both enjoy the subject.” She hated lying, she always had. It was hard for her not to tell the truth, something that had been a hardship in her life for years with Harry. There was always a secret, a lie they had to live through. Things were supposed to be simple and easy now, but she found herself caught in another situation that forced her to lie and lie often. 

Nott nodded his head “Yeah, Granger here sits by me in Arithmancy.”

Parkinson pursed her lips, like she didn't believe them, but she didn't question it as her doting boyfriend was trying to feed her again. Zabini quietly whispered to her “You must eat my love.”

Hermione went back to eating her sandwich, she looked to her right and saw Nott was on his second sandwich already. The way he ate reminded her of Ron.

Everyone at the table was silent. It wasn't an easy and comfortable silence. No, it was an awkward and tense. 

To her and it seemed everyone's shock at the table it was Malfoy with broke the silence “Granger, your boyfriend is pissed. He looks like he's going to come over here and punch someone.”

Hermione put her sandwich down and slowly turned around, so she could see the Gryffindor table. Ron was sitting there his jaw clenched, his face as red as his very messy hair, it was obvious he had run his hand through it more than once. His fists were clenched and sitting on the table, he wasn't even eating any food. He was glaring at the Slytherin table his eyes locked on Malfoy as Ron glared at Malfoy, Malfoy stared right back at the ginger, expressionless.  Hermione looked away from Ron. She hated that this was hurting him. She had already hurt him enough with ending things with him. She didn't want to hurt him anymore; he didn't deserve it. He had been one of her best friends for years, for years he and Harry had been her only friend. Nobody else liked her their first few years at school, only Ron and Harry.

She quickly said to the Slytherins in a quiet voice “Ron is definitely not my boyfriend.”

This made Nott laugh loudly as he said, “I told you Malfoy!”

She looked back at Malfoy, what did Nott mean he told him? They had been discussing the possibility of her and Ron being a couple. Why had that even come up between friends who seemed to very rarely talk?

Malfoy glared at Nott and lowly said “Shut the fuck up Theodore.”

Nott just kept laughing and casually slung an arm around Hermione while saying “I knew poor ugly gingers weren't your type Granger.”

She shrugged his arm off and mumbled “Don't be rude.”

Nott put his arm back around her shoulders “I'm not being rude. I'm stating facts. Fact one, Weasley is poor as dirt, poor bloke doesn't have two knuts to rub together, I mean look at his raggedy clothes. Fact two, Weasley is a ginger, you know what muggles say? Gingers have no souls. Fact three, he is butt ugly, I mean, he's ginger!”

Parkinson was laughing and agreed “Muggles do say that gingers have no soul.”

Hermione shoved his arm off of her and hissed “Hands to yourself Nott.”

She saw even Malfoy smirked a little bit as his friends bashed on Ron. She didn't like it. Ron was her friend, and she cared for him, they were talking so no lowly about him. Even if what they were saying was true. She defended him “He's not poor anymore. We got money from the ministry.”

This got Malfoy's attention again he asked “You mean it's true? You three were given money after the war?”

Hermione nodded “They said it was for our hardships or whatever.”

Nott asked her “How much?”

She shrugged “Not that much. Like 10,000 galleons each to me and Harry and 8,000 to Ron.”

Nott laughed hysterically ”Of course they gave that idiot less than you two! Why? Because the ministry knew how retarded he is?”

Hermione stiffened and quietly said ”They based it off of the traumatic events we endured in the war, we had to be assessed by healers and then they did it for a compensation.”

She hated why she got more money. From when she had been tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange in Malfoy Manor. For the scar she was given and the numerous Cruciatus Curses she endured that day. She knew Ron didn't care she was given more money because of it. That part still haunted her too, she could still hear him yelling out from the dungeons. Begging Bellatrix Lestrange to stop, begging her to take him instead, to take her place. But it has been useless, the witch didn't want to torture Ron, not like she wanted to hurt Hermione.

Nott didn't seem to notice how much she hated to talk about the topic as he asked her “What did you do with the money?”

Hermione shrugged, all four of the Slytherins were waiting for her answer. They all grew up with money, so they shouldn't care. She didn't grow up poor like Ron, but her parents didn't have close to as much money as theirs had. She was comfortable growing up, no more, no less. She answered them “So far, I just bought some clothes for school, I didn't have anything decent left after being on the run for so long, and some books. The rest is in my trunk.”

“In your trunk? Merlin put that in Gringotts!” Nott said while he laughed, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.”

Hermione smiled a little at this, the memory of Gringotts in her mind. It had been one of hers, Ron's, and Harry's most memorable moments. “I'm no longer welcome in Gringotts. I have a lifetime ban.”

“ A lifetime ban? ” Malfoy asked sounding horrified at the idea of not being allowed in the bank that he no doubt had a few full vaults at. 

She nodded, “Yeah, I guess when you break into the place then steal a dragon too escape and ride it through the ceiling, they don't take it lightly.”

Parkinson excitedly said ”We heard about that, but thought it was a lie, you actually stole their fucking dragon?”

Hermione laughed thinking of that day and nodded “Yes, it was our only way out.”

The group went back to eating their food again. None of them talking and Malfoy went back to his book. His eyes focused on his book again. Hermione finished her sandwich, before she turned back and saw Ron who was still glaring at her and the Slytherins. 

Parkinson and Zabini left first. Not saying goodbye but neither Nott nor Malfoy seemed surprised, so it just has been usual for the pair to leave unannounced. They walked away, Zabini’s arm around her waist as they walked, her head on his shoulder, both of them smiling. Malfoy left next, he only looked at her for a second then at Nott, looking between them before he grabbed his book and notebook covered in quidditch stickers and left the hall. Never looking back or saying anything to either of them upon his departure.

Nott smiled “Well that was successful.”

She rolled her eyes “Hardly. Malfoy said like ten words.”

Nott laughed “That's ten more than he's said all year. Although he definitely thinks you and I are dating or something. Did you see how he kept looking at us?”

She rolled her eyes. She didn't really care what Malfoy thought. She just wanted him to talk to her, to let her figure out why he was going to end his life in 98 days if her and Nott failed. She hated how Nott was acting so casual, like it was a game or something. Like the idea that Draco might they were dating was hysterical. “I don't care.” She mumbled.

Nott shrugged “You're not the one he's going to question later tonight.”

She stood up “I need to get to class, I'll see you later Nott.”

She heard the Slytherin boy sigh “Don't call me that Hermione, I mean we're a team, we're almost friends. We're going to be stuck together for 98 more days, call me Theodore at least.”

She didn't reply, she only walked away, leaving Theodore sitting by himself and eating another sandwich.

She was expecting Ron's questioning, but she hadn't expected him and Harry to both bombard her the second she exited the great hall, like they had followed her out.

Ron nearly yelled at he spoke “What the hell was that Hermione?! You were sitting at the fucking Slytherin table with the enemy!”

Hermione flinched at his tone and the volume of his voice “Ron, calm down.” She said tightening the strap of her bag. “Theodore is my friend. We were just talking about arithmancy.”

Ron shook his head “No, listen here Hermione-”

He was cut off by a much calmer Harry who smiled at Hermione “We were just worried about you Mione. I mean they are the same people who bullied you, us, all of us for years.”

She nodded her head. She knew that. She fucking knew that. In fact, she didn't like a single one of the Slytherins she had just shared a meal with, and they didn't like her. But she had to be there, to be around Malfoy. She had to try and stop himself from ending his life so she could be done with him and his friends. “I know Harry, but their different now. Like I said it was just Theodore, we have arithmancy together and he enjoys it like me. Neither of you like the subject so I can't talk either of you two about it. It's no big deal. It's not going to be a usual thing.’

Ron was still breathing heavily but seemed to be calming down “Malfoy was right there Mione, he's not to be trusted. You know what he's done, he's the reason Dumbledore is dead!”

She nodded “I didn't even talk to him.” She lied “I swear it's just Theodore, and just and arithmancy.”

Ron nodded his head slowly “Okay…okay. You promise it's not going to be a regular thing?”

Hermione nodded her head, knowing it was a promise she'd likely have to break. She hated that, but she didn't have a choice, not if she was going to be okay with Draco Malfoy killing himself, which she wouldn't be okay with. 

She was so glad as Ron calmed down, she felt slightly at peace as she walked with her best friends to Charms class. Soon laughing and talking to them like the old days.

Chapter Text

September 20, 1998, again, 96 days until December 25th

Hermione's birthday had come and gone. The day had been just as it had been the first time around. She got gifts from Ron and Harry. Ron gave her a necklace and a bag of sweets. Harry gave her a set of books, basically an encyclopedia for the wizarding world, and a watch. The two hung out with her all day and it felt like it used to. Ginny gave her the same sweater she got from her the first time around and Luna gave her the same book on magical creatures that were extinct. Although Luna insisted that most were still alive. 

There were only two real differences. The first was the fact that to her annoyance Theodore sang happy birthday to her in the middle of the great hall, getting attention from far too many people. The Slytherin boy came all the way from the Slytherin table and even stayed at the table. Chatting with Luna, who had also joined for Hermione's birthday, most of the time the two were talking about Nargles. Which Theodore thought were very and kept asking her questions about. 

The second difference was when Draco Malfoy approached her in the corridors as she was walking to her dorm room and informed her, he was prepared to work on their project that night. When she replied she couldn't work on it that night because it was her birthday, he told her they would have to work on it the next afternoon instead, she agreed to work on it at that time and he left.

Which led her to that afternoon, it was a Sunday and usually she liked to spend her Sundays in her bed with Crookshanks, reading whatever book caught her attention and catching up on any work she had not yet completed. She liked to stay there in her small sanctuary from the world until mealtimes when she would quickly leave then return to her bed. But today would sadly not be one of those Sundays, because she had to work on her ancient runes project with Malfoy.

It's not like she had been relaxing that morning anyways. She found herself consumed with thoughts of Malfoy. He had taken over her life completely, she felt like she was constantly surrounded by him and thoughts of him. Her life revolved around him and trying to keep him from ending his life. She wondered what he thought about, how he spent his free time. She assumed it was reading; it was all she ever saw him doing when he wasn't working on his schoolwork. His thoughts must have been dark and sad, why else had he ended his life? She wondered if he thought about the war as often as she did. Nobody else seemed to think about it as often as she did. 

Even her dreams were consumed with him. Last night she dreamed of being on the Malfoy Manor cold tiles like those months ago. Bellatrix over her, laughing as she cursed Hermione over and over. It wasn't until she was cutting Hermione's skin that Bellatrix Lestrange turned into her nephew, Malfoy was dead as he carved her as his aunt had. His body decaying and his rotting flesh falling off of him and onto her as he carved Mudblood into her flesh. His rotting flesh falling onto her skin as he did, making it so much worse. She had been so relieved when she had finally woken up at nearly four in the morning.

She wondered if Malfoy ever thought about the day Harry, Ron, and herself were brought to Malfoy Manor. She had been thinking about it so much lately. He had to know it was Harry, yes, she had cast a stinging jinx on him, but Malfoy knew him. He knew Harry better than most people; he had spent years glaring at that face. Not to mention Harry was with herself and Ron. Malfoy knew it was Harry, but he wouldn't confirm it. Maybe he actually hadn't wanted Harry dead, maybe there was a small part of Malfoy that was goodness.

She wondered if Malfoy thought about what else happened that day. If he remembered what his aunt had done to her. Malfoy was there for every fucking second of it. He saw it all. He had been the one that shook his head at her, silently communicating with her to stay still, not to fight it. She wondered if he could still remember the way she had screamed and writhed on the floor, or if he remembered all the blood that poured from her arm when Bellatrix Lestrange used the cursed knife, carving Mudblood into her permanently. The scar that still caused her so much pain and likely always would.

No. She doubted he thought about it at all. It hadn't been an especially important day to him. She hadn't been anything to him that day, just the mudblood from school that he hated. He probably enjoyed seeing it. He probably had a good laugh about it later. 

Malfoy wasn't a good person and never would be. She found herself thinking about Ron. Even with all his faults she knew he thought of that day often. She knew he still had nightmares himself. He still heard her screaming out in pain, him not able to see what was being done to her. He told her all about it, he still begged every night in his dreams, for Bellatrix to take him instead. 

It didn't matter what Malfoy thought about that day, or if he thought about it. Her only goal was keeping him alive. So, she could be rid of him, so she could stop thinking about him all the time. 

She finished getting ready to go meet him. It was just after one, she had had her lunch in her dormitory. Craving solitude as she tried her best to read Little Women . She wore muggle clothes like she always did on the weekends these days. Jeans, and a grey zip up hoodie. It wasn't anything special, but it made her think of simple times, times with her parents. She hated that she would never get times like that back again. They would never remember her again, and she would live the rest of her life missing them. Hermione would have to spend more of her life missing them than she had ever gotten with him. 

She forced herself not to think of them. Like she always did when any thought or memory of them came into her mind. It only hurt her; it didn't do any good for her. She made her think of her and Malfoy's project instead. They were already halfway done, working faster than any other group of students in their class. Working much too fast actually. She felt like she was running out of time with him, and she hadn't even gotten the slightest bit closer to him. 

It had kept her up most of the night the previous night. Before she finally decided she'd have to try harder, no matter how much it would annoy him. No matter what he thought about her, she would try harder to make him talk to try and get to know him, to know what made him tick, what made him happy. Most importantly what had made him end his life at only eighteen years old the first time around.

Hermione grabbed her bag slinging it around her shoulder and made her way down to the library. She took her time getting there, she was exhausted and didn't have the energy to rush there. She felt like she was running on empty, like her tank was depleted.

She walked through the library doors and made her way to their table. He was already there working on his part of the translations. She was prepared for him to scold her and be upset about her being late. But he didn't say anything about it. He only nodded at her as she sat down, he kept his eyes on his translations. She didn't mention it either; she only silently got her papers out and her books. She began to work. They fell into their usual pattern of silence as they worked.

After nearly an hour of working silently Malfoy's deep voice startled her as he spoke “That's a nice watch.” He plainly said looking at it. It was an enchanted watch that she had been able to have her entire schedule on, it informed her what she was supposed to be doing every moment of every day, a birthday gift from Harry. “Where did you get it? It would be useful.” He plainly said.

Hermione looked at him, he wasn't looking at her or her watch. His head was still down looking at his papers. She replied back to him “I'm not sure. It was a birthday gift from Harry.”

Malfoy didn't say anything back, so she went back to work, trying to find her latest translation. After a minute he spoke again “I wasn't aware muggles such as yourself celebrated birthdays.”

Sher clenched her fist and her jaw, she hissed “Why the hell-” she stopped talking as she looked up and saw his smirk. Malfoy had been joking; he hadn't been serious. Something she hadn't seen him do all year long. He was joking with her of all people? She found herself smiling at his joke and a small laugh escaping from her lips.

Malfoy was still smirking, not being his usual emotionless self. He seemed to be in a good mood that day, something she didn't think was possible from him anymore. “How old are you now, Granger? 74?” He asked her.

She nodded her head “No, I just turned 77.” She replied back to him, joking with him. 

When he let a small laugh out, she nearly died. She had not heard him laugh in years and never with her. 

He shook his head and looked back down at his work; he went back to translating the runes as if nothing had happened. 

He worked for about twenty more minutes. Before he put his quill down and stood up, not grabbing his stuff. She looked up at him, surprised he was done with working already that day. She thought they had barely begun. He must have seen the look on her face, and he rolled his eyes “Calm down Granger, I'm not done for today. I just have to go take a piss. I'll be back.”

With that Malfoy turned on his heel and left. Leaving all of his stuff right there on the table. She found herself staring at his stuff. She couldn't decide what to do, whether or not to go through his belongings. It would be a complete violation of his privacy, but she wasn't sure if she even really had an option. His belongings must have stuff that was relevant to him, and who he was on the inside. 

She made her mind up the second he was out of sight. It would take him at least five minutes to get to the bathroom, two minutes in there and five back. That should have given her at least twelve minutes. But to be safe she set the timer on her watch for ten minutes. Ten minutes was all she would have to go through his stuff before she had to stop, so he wouldn't catch her.

The first thing she noticed was the book he was currently reading. Great Books of the Western World, Volume 8: Aristotle. He was reading a book that had the entire works of Aristotle. She didn't have time to think of it. That's not what she was after. It was what was under the book, she pushed the book away, grabbing the notebook covered in quidditch stickers that he always carried around with him. 

She quickly looked around to make sure he wasn't around before she opened the notebook. The first thing she noticed was it was from the muggle world; it was a composition notebook. It was difficult to read anything. Malfoy had atrocious handwriting that was never easy to decipher. She had been struggling enough with their project as she compiled their work together. The first page was a list, a long list of different places in the world, it went down the entire page and had three different columns. She tried to read them: Pyramids of Egypt, Sahara Desert, Petra, Mount Everest, Alaska, Norway, Moscow. There were so many more places he had written down, different nature destinations, countries themself, to different monuments in the world. He had so many listed.

She flipped to the next page. A similar list but this one was of books. This list was different as many of them had been crossed out. Beowulf, Odyssey, Euripides, Herodotus, The Bible, Works of Plato. The Bible and the Odyssey were among those crossed out. This was a list of books he wanted to read. His book list, those he already read were crossed out. She wanted to read more, to memorize every book on his list. But she didn't have time for that.

She had to force herself to flip to the next page. This page she didn't understand right away. It was a list of names she didn't recognize. Next to the names we're numbers and letters. It took her a few seconds to recognize it for what it was, a compilation of different quidditch players and their statistics. Hermione didn't care for quidditch, so she didn't look at this one closely and moved on to the next page.

The next page she nearly laughed at. It was a list of his friends and family members names with their birthdays written down. Obviously so he didn't forget the day. It was hard for her to picture Malfoy telling anyone happy birthday or even giving birthday gifts to any of them. Her heart broke a little as she looked closer at the page. Vincent Crabbe’s name and entry had been crossed out in angry marks, she could barely make out his name. Malfoy had to have done it after Crabbe died in the room of requirement. The ink marks were so deep and felt angry. The anger and hurt from losing one of his closest friends were obvious on the page.

She went to the next page, not having time to focus on just one thing. The next page were passages written down, passages from novels, some from classic literature, others from textbooks themselves, and some were verses in the Bible. She nearly threw up when she read the last one, he had written in the notebook: How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,” lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken. It was the same verse from the bloody paper that Theodore had in his pocket the day they met. It was the same thing Draco Malfoy would write on a piece of paper on Christmas Day when he would end his life. These would be the last words he wanted people to remember about him. His chosen last words.

The next ten pages were empty, like he had left space to add more passages he enjoyed. After the empty pages he had a large list of foods divided into two sections one labeled “Delicious.” And the other “Rubbish.” The food that had fallen into the delicious section were mostly sweets and treats, types of cakes and cookies. The same section also held a lot of different types of meats, ribeye, bacon, sausage, ribs, fried chicken, wings. The delicious section held no kind of healthy food, fruit or vegetable in the area. Rather the Rubbish section was filled with vegetables that Malfoy had obviously hated, some fruits were listed as well. She rolled her eyes and moved on. 

The last page she looked at was a rather surprising one. He had written on the top of the page in his messy handwriting “ Sins and Atonements.” Listed was a large list of the horrible things Malfoy had done in his life, lying, scheming, hurting others. It was all on paper. Next to some of them he had written whatever he had done that he believed had made up for the bad deed. For example, “ Making fun of Potter's dead parents – Did not turn him into the dark lord.” There were many things written and some had what he thought made up for it. He wasn't even nice to Ron on the paper “ Made fun of the Weasel – Nothing. The idiot deserved it all.” The one that caught her attention the most was nearly at the top of his page second, right under “ Let death eaters in the castle – ” was the entry “ Hurt Granger too many times to count –” There was no other entry by it. He didn't think he had done anything to make up for the years of bullying he had put her through. He hadn't done anything to make up for it. 

She had less than a minute left on her timer, so she just flipped through the books. Some pages had writing, and others did not. She couldn't even get an idea of what else he had written in the journal as she didn't have the time. But on the last page taped to the cardboard of the journal itself were two pictures. In the first moving picture Malfoy was smiling and waving to the camera as he held a small baby. The baby had blonde hair and was dressed in all pink. Malfoy was so young in the picture, only twelve or thirteen years old holding the baby girl he was sitting on a leather sofa in an elegant looking room, it had to be at Malfoy Manor. In the second picture he sat next to a young girl with blonde curly hair. Both Malfoy and the girl were in matching Christmas pajamas and sitting by a large and well decorated Christmas tree. The girl looked to be around four years old with blonde curly hair was unwrapping a gift looking excited. Malfoy, who looked sixteen or seventeen, was frowning and looked annoyed, but he smiled slightly at the end when the girl showed him a baby doll she unwrapped. The pictures played again and again on a constant loop. It was the same girl, the one from his funeral. The one that had been sitting with Narcissa and trying to comfort the witch. The little girl who had been crying herself. Under the pictures in his messy handwriting were the words “ Draco and Lyra. Best friends since 1993.”

She quickly shut the notebook and put it back, placing his book right back on it. Angling it just how he had it placed beforehand, so he wouldn't know that she had been looking through his notebook.

When he returned a few minutes later he didn't seem to notice. He sat back down, not saying a word and he went right back to working on his translations.

Hermione forced herself to try and work on her runes. But she couldn't concentrate on anything. All she could think about was the different entries she had found. Her mind was hyper focused on the pictures of Malfoy and the girl. Who was she? How did Malfoy know her? 

She shook her head and pushed all thoughts of what she had discovered from her mind. She had to act normal right now, in front of him. She couldn't let him find out that she had been going through his stuff. He would freak out and possibly never talk to her again. The very little progress she had made with him will have all been for nothing. She forced herself to translate the runes, rune after rune after rune. She found herself in a pattern, she had been able to force all thoughts from her mind and concentrate solely on the work in front of her.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed in the library as the two silently worked on their set of runes. The only sound was their quills scratching on parchment and the flipping of pages. Malfoy kept his head down on his work the whole time. His leg, like it always did was bouncing as he worked on translating the runes in front of him.

They worked as the daylight faded and evening was on the horizon, the sun was setting, and the sky was darkening. It wasn't until the sun had completely disappeared that Malfoy stretched and began to pack his belongings. He said in his usual unemotional voice “I'm ready to stop working for the day.”

Hermione nodded her head and took his translations so she could compile their work before they worked together again on the project. She was packing her stuff when she noticed Malfoy seemed to be waiting for something. She looked up at him, he was staring down at her.

He cleared his throat before he said, “I feel the need to warn you about Theodore.”

She rose an eyebrow “About Theodore Nott?”

Malfoy rolled his eyes “Obviously. Listen, he's not the kind of guy you need to be getting mixed up with. He's a good enough friend but he's no good with girls. He'll only hurt you.”

Hermione let out a laugh and shook her head “You can't be serious. I absolutely have no intentions of being anything other than friends with Theodore.”

Malfoy nodded his head looking away from her and at the window “Whatever then. I just wanted to give you a heads up.” With that Malfoy left the library, like usual he walked fast like he had somewhere important to be.

Hermione put her bag on and went to the great hall for dinner. She didn't stick around. She wanted to go to her dorm so she could spend the night thinking about and dissecting everything she had read in that notebook. She quickly ate chicken and rice before she rushed to her dorm. Like it usually was, it was empty. Ginny was always too busy with Harry, not that Hermione minded. She liked being alone. She thrived when she could be by herself, there was nothing to distract her.

She grabbed a paper to make a short list of everything she had seen in the notebook “ Places, Foods, Books, Quidditch Nonsense, Favorite Passages, Birthdays, Sins and Atonements, Lyra.”

She looked at the paper. Most of it was easy to understand, the list of books he wanted to read, passages he read and stood out enough for him to document into his notebook. Quidditch statics and players he wanted to have on hand for whatever reason, likely to talk about with his friends or to know when looking at matches. Foods he didn't like and foods he loved. His friends and Family's birthdays so he wouldn't forget their special day.

However, so many things didn't make sense. Malfoy had written down all the things he did that he thought were bad, he labeled them as sins. The different sins he thought he was guilty of. He added the things he had done that he viewed as atonements for the sins he thought he committed. The things that made up for the things he had done.

Most importantly were the pictures of him and the little girl. She had been there at his funeral. Malfoy obviously loved and cared for the girl. He had put the label “ Best friends since 1993. ” She was important to him. But who was she? She was also important to Narcissa. Maybe she was related to the Malfoy's. Lyra was her name. She must have been related through his mother's side of the family with that name. Lyra was a constellation; it was a Black family tradition to have children with the names of constellations. Draco himself was named after the Draco constellation, or so she had always assumed. Sirius, another member of the Black family, had been named after the Sirius constellation.

The girl had to be part of the Black family. But who were her parents? There were no living men in the Black family left other than Draco Malfoy. But he had only been twelve or had just turned thirteen when she was born. There was no way he was the father. The three women in the family weren't possible. Bellatrix Lestrange had been in Azkaban when the girl was born. Andromeda Tonks would have her child with herself, and Hermione would have known if she had another child. Lastly Narcissa Malfoy. Draco Malfoy was an only child and the sole heir to the Malfoy name. It was a well-known fact. So, who was this girl?

She fell asleep that night thinking of the cute little girl with blonde curly hair, and Malfoy who obviously loved the girl.

Chapter Text

September, 22 1998, again, 94 days until December 25th

Hermione woke up at three in the morning screaming, her scar hurting more than it had in weeks. Maybe months. It felt like a burning heat going through her body, a stabbing in her arm, the pain was blinding. It felt as it had when she received the scar in the first place. It felt like she was being cut by Bellatrix all over again. She couldn't stop herself from screaming and clutching her arm as tightly as possible. 

Ginny must have woken up, Hermione wasn't sure when she had woken the ginger girl up but she was standing over Hermione talking to her, likely trying to calm her down but it wasn't working. Hermione couldn't hear a word she was saying to her. She didn't feel it as Ginny was shaking her; she only saw it, or parts of it. Hermione's eyes kept on shutting as she screamed in pain. She didn't feel it as Ginny cast a feather light charm on her, or when she was brought to the common room. 

Hermione hardly noticed she was in the Gryffindor common room, writhing on the floor, screaming out in pain. She couldn't tell how much time had passed and what was happening around her, all she could feel was the pain. It surrounded her, and took hold of her body. She couldn't think about anything other than the sensation. She was sure she was bleeding, it felt like the Mudblood carved into her arm was open again and bleeding everywhere. 

She didn't know she was picked up until she opened her eyes again to see Ron was carrying her bridal style. They were in the corridors already, out of the common room and going down the steps. Ron's large arms around her as he moved quickly through the halls. She knew she had to be hurting his ears but she couldn't make herself stop screaming. 

She shut her eyes again, squeezing them shut as she tried to force the pain away. It wasn't happening again. She told himself over and over. It wasn't real, just a curse. It was all in her mind. Hey was itching at the arm, at the scar. Digging her nails into the skin trying to make the pain go away.

She couldn't force herself to open her eyes, not when she felt herself being placed on a bed or when they pried her mouth opened and poured a potion in. She nearly choked on it as she was still screaming when they administered it. She kept screaming and writhing until eventually everything went away and she fell into a deep and dreamless slumber. 

–

Hermione felt like her eyelids weighed tons when she next gained consciousness. She couldn't get them opened yet. The seering pain that has taken over her body earlier had subsided. Leaving only a stinging in its place. She couldn't get her eyes opened but she felt one hundred times better, just by not having the unbearable sensation gone. She had to take a few deep breathes and focus all of her energy on peeling opened her eyelids. Finally after what felt like forever she got them opened.

 She was in the hospital wing of the castle, laying on one of the beds, the white sheets and blankets pulled over her body. Through the window across from her she could see the setting suns light shining through the window. She always loved the sunset at Hogwarts, the way it made everything glow, it made it more magical, it was always her favorite time of day. She watched for a few seconds as the sun made the sky pink in its setting. It was sometimes in the early evening, around six or so. She wasn't sure, she didn't see a clock around her, and she hadn't been wearing her watch to bed before the incident. 

She must have done some kind of damage to her arm when she was scratching at it, as it was covered in gauze. Her entire forearm was tightly wrapped by white gauze. She was still wearing the same pajamas she had worn you bed the previous night. Nothing nice or fancy, old sweatpants paired with one of her father's old t shirts. It was one of the only things she had left of him. Someone just have brought a pair of her wool socks for her as a grey pair covered her feet, keeping them warm.

She felt like complete shit. She was exhausted, even after sleeping all day. Her entire body felt heavy and sore, she going it was hard to move her limbs. Everything hurt, but it was still nowhere near as painful as her arm had been in the early hours of that morning.

She wasn't alone in the hospital. Ron sat in the chair next to her bed, his hands resting on her bed. His body slumped over as he slept. He must have fallen asleep while she was passed out. She could remember him carrying her here, to the hospital. He must have never left. She wasn't surprised he had fallen asleep, that had been at three in the morning. He must have been woken up in the middle of the night. He had immediately gotten out of bed to help her, and bring her to the hospital. She didn't want to disturb him as he slept so instead she stayed silent. She felt horrible as she saw the scratch marks on his face, she must have accidentally scratched him when she had freaking out. She hadn't even realized she had gotten him.

It worked for only a few minutes, until she saw a familiar brunette Slytherin boy walking to her bed with an annoying smile on his face. God, why did he have to show up? She was already feeling like shit, having Theodore Nott here would just give her a headache on top of everything. Her annoyance soon faded into surprise when she saw the blonde boy that was walking behind Theodore. Malfoy's expression was as stoic as always, other than when his eyes landed on Ron and it turned into a slight scowl.

She hadn't talked to Malfoy since two days ago in the library, after she had gone through his notebook. She had sat with Theodore yesterday at lunch, therefore by Malfoy. But Malfoy hadn't even looked at her. Even when he heard her and Theodore arguing over Arithmancy. He didn't even look up when Theodore started to do annoying baby talk, which had earned a glare from Zabini, Theodore only stopped after Parkinson threw napkins at him and threatened to throw rocks instead. Malfoy kept his head down and his eyes focused on his book the entire time. Reading rather than paying attention to anything around him. 

No, she remembered, Malfoy had talked to her yesterday. Just for a second when he informed her that he wished to work on their project today and to meet him after classes. Maybe he was here to scold her for not showing up to the library even in the state she was in. She didn't suspect he would expect anything less. 

Theodore didn't care that Ron was sleeping, he rolled his eyes upon seeing Ron, before flopping on Hermione's bed, right by her legs nearly landing on her. Malfoy stood at the end of her bed, silently looking at her, his expression blank. Theodore loudly said “Glad to see you're still alive Hermione. We heard you were dead, but I told Zabini there was no way you had died. Don't worry I got all the homework for you. I told the professors there was no reason for you to miss work.”

She rolled her eyes and mumbled “How gracious of you.”

Hermione froze as she heard movement next to her. Theodore's loud voice had woken Ron up. She didn't have to look at Ron to know he was upset with their new visitors. But Ron didn't saw anything to either of the Slytherin boys. Instead he took her hand and softly said “Mione you're awake.” She nodded her head, awkwardly pulling her hand away from his. She didn't want to give Ron the wrong idea. Making Ron immediately frown, the ginger boy snapped “So I can't even hold your hand now?”

Theodore seemed not to care about the interaction as he said with an amused expression like he was about to saying something he thought was hilarious. “Oh Hermione you missed it! In Arithmancy today -”

He was cut off by Ron who was glaring at both of the Slytherin “What the fuck are you two even doing here? Nobody invited you.”

Theodore laughed and said “I invited us, weasel. Anyways like I was saying-”

Ron snapped “You're not welcome here, either of you scum bags are. Hermione needs to heal, not deal with you. Now leave before I make you.”

Theodore faked gasped like Ron had offended him and sarcastically said “Yeah, were shaking in our boots.”

Ron snapped “I'm serious, leave or I'll have to get physical.”

Malfoy who had been silent the whole time finally spoke drawling “You couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag.”

Theodore howled in laughter and added “Please do get physical, I haven't seen anything comical since the last time I saw you playing quidditch.”

Ron stood up his fist clenched. Hermione was annoyed with him, why did he always have to act like such an asshole? Why couldn't he just be normal? Threatening violence to people that were visiting her in the hospital just seemed silly. It seemed so childish. Anyways Hermione knew that Rom wouldn't win in that fight. He wouldn't have a chance in hell, so she told him “Ron, either sit down and leave them alone or leave. Don't do anything stupid.”

Ron looked shocked “Are you serious Hermione? They shouldn't be allowed to be here. You're hurt and vulnerable, they might take the chance to hurt you.”

Theodore rolled his eyes and sarcastically said “Yeah you caught us, were here to attack her while she's down. Maybe rob her while we're at it.”

Hermione was trying to stay calm “Ron, stop it. You know they're not going to hurt me.” 

Ron was breathing heavily, trying to calm down as he sat back down. 

She looked back at his face, feeling so guilty and the deep looking scratch marks she had left “Ron, I'm sorry about your face, are you okay?”

The ginger boy shrugged “It's not a big deal. I hardly felt a thing. It's not like you knew what you were doing.”

She only nodded her head slightly and asked him “Have you been here all day?”

Ron looked at her like she was stupid”Of course I have been, Harry was here too, so was Ginny and Luna. But they all left about an hour ago to go get dinner. I offered to stay, I didn't want you to be alone when you woke up.” 

Hermione only nodded her head. It hurt that the others had left. Especially Harry. Every time over the years he had been in the hospital wing she hadn't left his side for a second until she was forced to leave by madam Pomfrey. 

Theodore changed the subject asking her “What the hell happened Granger? People are saying you were attacked.”

She shook her head “No, I wasn't attacked.” She said. Not wanting to tell the truth. Not here, not in front of Malfoy. Malfoy had been there when it was carved into her skin, he had watched as his aunt mutilated her arm. He had seen her writhing as it happened, he heard her cries. She didn't know how he would feel about it. Maybe he would feel happy, proud of what his aunt had did to a mudblood like her. He might be overjoyed at the news that it had still broughten her so much pain and so much sorrow, even after all this time.

Theodore waited for her to tell them what happened but she didn't, she stayed silent “Granger, come on. What happened?”

Ron snapped at them “What happened? What happened is his auntie fucking tortured her and maimed her. She still gets pains from it, the bitch death eater used a cursed blade on Hermione. She woke up fucking screaming and clawing at her arm. We couldn't get her to calm down for shit. So I had to carry her down to here and madam Pomfrey had to force sleeping potions into her to get her to stop.”

Both Slytherin boys were silent. Hermione couldn't make herself look at them she was looking down at the blanket on her body instead. It was humiliating to have them know what happened. They weren't even really her friends. She was forced to work with Theodore to try and save Malfoy. If it were up to her she wouldn't talk to either of them. She wasn't even sure why they had come down to the hospital wing in the first place. 

She felt movement on the bed making her look up to see Malfoy had moved and was no longer standing at the edge of the bed, instead he was sitting on her bed, next to her arm that was wrapped in gauze, his grey eyes glued to the spot underneath where Mudblood had permanently been carved into her skin.

Theodore spoke first “Well will you okay now, Hermione?”

She nodded her head “Yes. It doesn't hurt anymore.”

Ron let out a angry huff “It has to hurt. I mean for fucks sake you cut your arm so deeply with your nails Pomfrey had to do multiple spells just to stop the bleeding so she could heal the area.”

She hadn't realized she had down so much damage to her own arm. But it didn't hurt, at least not like it had. There was a mild stinging left but that paled in comparison to the pain that had woken her up in the early hours of that morning. 

Hermione quickly changed the subject, not wanting to talk about what had happened. She didn't even want to think about it. “Why did you two come to see me? I didn't expect either of you to show up.”

Theodore smirked “I told you, someone had to bring you your homework. Couldn't have you missing out on that. And Draco being the annoying git he is followed along. He's very annoyed you couldn't work on your project tonight.”

Hermione rolled her eyes and said “Oh, the project.”

Malfoy said in one of the most casual voices she had ever heard him use ”Don't let it happen again, Granger. You know how I feel about tardiness and truancy.”

Theodore laughed “Truancy? Really, Draco?”

Malfoy shrugged casually, smiling a little bit, something she rarely saw from him.

Hermione turned to Theodore “Where's the homework you said you have for me?”

Malfoy laughed at this “Of course you're worried about homework while you're in the fucking hospital.”

Theodore froze as Malfoy laughed, staring at his friend in shock. Like he didn't know how to react to seeing his friend laughing. Theodore grabbed the work out from his bag and put it on her nightstand, next to Ron.

Ron who has been silent for a few minutes now. He was still seething, she could feel it. But he was holding back, probably only for her sake. She knew he was dying to say something horrible to either of the boys, especially to Malfoy.

Malfoy kept his eyes on the gauze over her arm, his grey eyes never leaving the spot he knew covered her scar. 

Theodore quickly said “When will you get to leave the hospital?”

Hermione shrugged in response “I'm not sure, I haven't talked to madam Pomfrey yet.”

Theodore shook his head “I hope you're be out of here by this weekend.”

She rolled her eyes “I'm sure I will. I mean it's Tuesday. The weekend isn't for four days. I'm not gravely injured or ill.”

Theodore smiled brightly “Good, hogsmead is this weekend and you can't miss out. We're going to have so much fun.”

Ron rolled his eyes “She will have fun at hogsmead with me and Harry. Like she always does.”

Theodore shrugged his shoulders “Whatever you say, weasel.”

Madam Pomfrey came in and immediately said “No more visitors today. Miss Granger needs her rest. Say your goodbyes and leave. She'll be sent back to her dorm and classes tomorrow morning.”

Ron was the first one to say goodbye to her, he gently kissed the top of her head and said “I'll see you in the morning. Get some rest Mione.” He didn't look back at the other two boys before he quickly stomped out of the hospital. Probably trying to get to the tail end of dinner.

Theodore said goodbye next, he patted her back a little too hard and said “Don't forget about our plans on Thursday, Granger. I'm counting on you to be there.” She knew exactly what he was referring to. Meeting him at the astronomy tower to discuss Malfoy and how they planned on saving his life. Theodore walked away going down a few beds before he stood there waiting for Malfoy. 

Malfoy was silent for a few seconds, he quickly looked around, like he was making sure they were alone before he gently touched her arm, right where he knew the scar was. She had to stop herself from gasping at the sensation of his touch. His touch lighting sparks throughout her entire body, it was nothing like anything she had felt in her entire life. Even through the gauze she could feel it. His fingers only lingered for a few seconds, his eyes still on the spot on her arm. 

After a few seconds Malfoy quietly said “I'm so sorry, Granger.”

She didn't know what to say to him. It wasn't like it was his fault that it had happened. He hadn't been the one that did it to her. 

He didn't say anything else to her.

He only stood up and left the hospital wing with Theodore at his side, Theodore who giving his friend weird looks and talking quietly to him.

Chapter Text

Daily Prophet 

Publish date: September 23, 1998.

Three Months Until Lucius Malfoy Receives the Dementor’s Kiss!

Only three months remain until Lucius Malfoy, disgraced death eater, will receive the Dementor's Kiss as punishment for his crimes. The punishment is scheduled for December 23rd, 1998, at Azkaban. Surely not the way the Malfoy family had planned to spend their Yule holiday.

For readers who are unaware, the Dementor's Kiss is considered the worst form of punishment, only given to those who show no hope of reform. Traditionally the procedure is done at Azkaban and is performed by a Dementor. The Dementor performing the act sucks the soul from the criminal's body, leaving them soulless. The criminal will live on afterwards, their body still intact but their memories, emotions, desires, and everything else associated with the soul are removed. 

Notably many witches and wizards have strongly opposed the act in recent years. Harry Potter, the chosen one and savior, was quoted over the summer in saying “The Dementor's Kiss is a cruel and unusual form of punishment. It is worse than death. The act is barbaric, as we move on in the wizarding world we should leave such acts in the past.” (Harry Potter)

Despite legislation led by Kingsley Shacklebolt, to stop the act, the Wizengamot stands firm in its stance. “As long as horrific crimes are committed in our community, we must have punishments such as the Dementor's kiss to discourage others from committing such acts. Lucius Malfoy is a prime example of why such punishments exist. His crimes were truly horrific and can only be described as a crime against humanity. He must be punished to the fullest extent of the law.” (Hestia Jones)

It is no secret that Lucius Malfoy has a very sordid and unpleasant past. Having been loyal to Voldemort for as long as his school days, he was found to be one of the most devoted Death Eaters. Lucius earned his dark mark at the age of 20. Notably his son Draco Malfoy received his own dark mark at the age of 16. Sources close to the Malfoys confirm that this was the “proudest” moment of Lucius Malfoy's life.

Lucius Malfoy has been found guilty of aiding the death eater cause, performing unforgivable curses in the name of the death eater cause, loyalty to the death eater cause, abetting and funding the death eater cause, and more. However, the most shocking of his crimes was only discovered in June as Aurors, led by Hestia Jones, heavily investigated the Malfoy family, and Malfoy Manor. The horrors that were committed by Lucius Malfoy in the home were vile and shocking.

It was found that on unspecified dates in December 1992, Lucius Malfoy imprisoned a muggle man for two weeks and tortured the man. The muggle man was found to be a 37-year-old vagrant and drug addict named Phillip Peterson. Lucius Malfoy took Phillip Peterson sometime in the middle of December and held him captive in the dungeons of Malfoy Manor. The man was denied food and water regularly and was only given enough to keep him alive. Over a two-week period Lucius Malfoy regularly tortured the man, using both magically and surprisingly muggle methods. Lucius Malfoy would heal the man afterwards just to do more horrific things to him. Seemingly keeping him alive to make him suffer. After fifteen days the muggle man's body gave out and he passed away from the trauma.

In his court trial for the horrific crimes Lucius Malfoy did not give any motive or reason for his vile actions. He was silent for most of the trial, his eyes on his wife, Narcissa Malfoy who attended daily. Their only son Draco Malfoy did not attend as he was serving his own two-month sentence in Azkaban at the time. Lucius Malfoy only spoke once during the trial, when asked if he felt remorse or was sorry for what he had done he replied “I'm only sorry I was caught. I would do it again in every lifetime.” He then looked at his wife and said in open court “I'm only sorry for my wife. I love you Cissy, to the moon and back.”

Lucius Malfoy was sentenced to the Dementor's Kiss along with life in Azkaban. To this day he has not given the reason he committed such horrific acts. When contacted for comments, Lucius Malfoy refused to make a comment.

When contacted, Narcissa Malfoy, who has stayed out of the public eye following her husband and son's trials, refused to make a comment.

When contacted, Draco Malfoy, who is currently attending his eighth year at Hogwarts following his two months in Azkaban, refused to make a comment.

When contacted, Lucius Malfoy, who is in Azkaban awaiting punishment, refused to make a comment.

When contacted for his opinion on the matter, Harry Potter, who is attending his eighth year at Hogwarts with best friends Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley, refused to make a comment. 

We found Hermione Granger, unable to make any observation, as has made herself unavailable for any kind of comments or questions about any topic since the end of the war.

When contacted, Ronald Weasley happily responded to his feelings on the matter. “I personally can't wait. December 23rd can't come soon enough in my opinion. I'll be in attendance of the Dementor's Kiss, it'll be the highlight of my holiday break. I'm only disappointed that Draco Malfoy won't be receiving it alongside his father. To think they let him (Draco Malfoy) come back to Hogwarts is an absolute disgrace to the school. He is considered by most at school to be a stain on the school. He is a hateful and vile man, just as his father. Letting him attend school is letting his hate and discrimination win. He is a danger to everyone around him.”

(See pages 4-5 for an in-depth analysis of the controversy surrounding Draco Malfoy's fateful return to Hogwarts)

This author personally believes justice has been done, I will be in attendance of the Dementor's Kiss to give the full scoop, and to get more information for my newest project. A biography of Lucius Malfoy, “The Rise and Fall of Lucius Malfoy.”

• Rita Skeeter.

Chapter Text

September 24, 1998, again, 92 days until December 25th

Hermione loved the fall; it was absolutely her favorite season. She loved the changing of the weather; she loved the leaves changing colors and falling from the trees. She loved the colors and the scents of fall, apples, pumpkins and all the spices. She adored everything about the season and had since she was a child. She missed times like that, when life was simple, before she even knew she was a witch. She loved jumping in piles of leaves and splashing in puddles of mud. She loved Halloween, she used to love dressing up when she was a child and going door to door with her parents, trick or treating. She never liked the scary costumes. No, Hermione had been the kind of girl to dress up like a princess, except for when she was ten and dressed up as a witch.

In the fall the Gryffindor tower was always nice and warm. The fire was always going in the common room, and it seemed to keep the whole place warm. The sun came in through the curtains, the tower basked in the sunlight. 

Hermione got out of bed at six that morning. She had been up since five thirty. She hadn't had a nightmare in days. Not since the incident that led to her being in the hospital wing. Instead, she dreamed of good memories, three good nights in the tent with Harry, her parents, old days at Hogwarts. It was a small mercy she was so grateful for; she couldn't help but dread the night the nightmares would return. They always returned.

After rising from bed, she took a shower, as she did every morning. She felt as if she had more energy than she had had in months, maybe in years. With the nightmares gone even for just two nights she was refreshed and well rested. She took her time in the shower, scrubbing her body clean. First using a bar of soap, then her body wash, followed by sugar scrub. All three-vanilla scented, the same scent as her shampoo and conditioner. Following her shower she lathered her skin with lotion. 

After putting her uniform on she did the same glamour charm as usual to tame her hair. Making the curls smooth and soft, not tangled and everywhere. As she got ready, she found herself thinking of Malfoy. She hated how often her mind went to him but lately he was all she could think about, he had completely taken over her mind.

She had read a daily prophet article only last night; she saw it on the front page of Harry's paper. She had stopped reading the daily prophet all together after the war. It did nothing but drudge up the past and reading it made it harder for her to move on, harder for her to try and forget. Every day it was something about the war on the front page, death eater trials, Harry's life updates, memorials to those who died, once they did a whole article on Fred. That was the last one she read, she cried for hours afterwards, she cancelled her subscription that night and refused to even look at the paper when others had it. While Harry was reading it at breakfast, a moving picture of Lucius Malfoy in Azkaban caught her attention. The article was about what he had done to get the dementors kiss. Reading what he had done to the muggle man made her feel ill. For a second, just a second she considered never talking to Draco Malfoy again, why should she try and save him? After what his father did, after everything Draco Malfoy himself had done? But as soon as the thought came it left. No. She wouldn't punish the son for the crimes of his father. She had to remind herself why she was doing this in the first place. Malfoy deserved to have a life; he deserved to prove to the world he wasn't his father. She would make sure he got that life; she just wasn't sure how.

She made her way down to breakfast where Ron and Harry already were. She tried her best to distance herself from Ron. After serious thinking, she realized she had to. He wasn't the boy she once knew and cared for. He had grown into a hateful and vile man. Especially after what she had read, he told Rita Skeeter about Lucius and Draco Malfoy. She felt sick to her stomach when reading Ron's quote of being excited for the act, he had told them it would be the “highlight” of his Christmas holiday. She realized Ron was no better than Lucius Malfoy himself. However, Ron thought it was okay, because he was on the right side of the war. It didn't matter; it didn't erase the horrible things he said. But she couldn't just avoid Ron, not without avoiding everyone else, and she couldn't do that, especially not to Harry. If she stopped coming around, she knew it would break Harry's heart. And he deserved to never have his heart broken again, not after everything he's been through.

She sat down next to Neville, Ron and Harry on the other side. Ron was acting like a pig, like usual. Eating everything in sight. Harry smiled at her after taking a bite of his toast “Morning Mione.” The boy with brown messy hair said while smiling at her. No, not boy. Harry was a man now.

She smiled back at him “Good morning, Harry.”

Harry went back to eating his food, and Hermione got her food. Breakfast potatoes, eggs, and berries. She ate slowly; she was already dreading the day ahead of her. It was Thursday. So, she'd have to meet Theodore after dinner to discuss Malfoy. Something they had agreed on doing.

That was before last week when she realized how annoying Theodore was. He would often show up randomly, he was always so loud. She hated how he always referred to them as “the desperate soul redemption riders.” It was ridiculous, as if they were a social club, rather than doing something serious. It was even worse that he often called them this in front of others. Earning them strange looks. However she would put up with him and his antics, it was the only way to save Malfoy. Only 92 days left. Then she could be rid of Theodore Nott, she would happily never speak to him again after this was over.

After breakfast she went to her morning classes. The whole time she stared at the back of Malfoy's head. Like always it was down as he took notes, his leg bouncing. It always surprised her all over again when she realized how big he was. Malfoy was fucking huge, even next to Theodore, who himself was good sized, but Malfoy was much bigger than him. His muscles were obvious, nearly protruding out of his shirts. In another lifetime girls would circle him, he wasn't ugly. But not now. Nobody talked to him or wanted to be around him. Especially the girls she knew, none of them would ever want him. She shook her head; she hated she was even thinking about that. His love life, or lack thereof was absolutely none of her business. She really didn't care anyways.

After her second morning class, Charms, she heard heavy footsteps coming behind her. She was sure it was Theodore which immediately made her frown. Without looking behind her she hissed “Go away Theodore. I'm not in the mood.”

She heard a deep chuckle that definitely was not Theodore. She spun around and came face to face with Malfoy who was standing entirely too close for her liking. He was looking down at her and smiled for only a second before frowning, back to stoic “Sorry to disappoint, I'm not Theodore.”

She nodded her head “Yeah, I can see that.”

He spoke in his usual bored tone, like literally anything would be better to do than speak to her “Tonight, after dinner we'll work together.”

She shook her head, “No, I can't. I already have plans for this evening.”

Malfoy rolled his eyes “Fine. Whatever then.”

She quickly said “I'm sorry I didn't know-”

He cut her off gruffly “I don't care about your plans or social life. I don't want to hear it, it would be a complete waste of my time. We'll just meet tomorrow instead.”

He didn't even give her a chance to confirm before he walked away, walking at his usual fast pace. He never looked back, he just rushed to the great hall.

She rolled her eyes even though he couldn't see. He was always such an asshole. 

The rest of the day was the same as always. She felt like she was stuck in a loop, every day seemed the same. Every class, she would watch Malfoy, and he acted the same at every moment of the day, in every class, at meals, in the corridors. He never changed. He never talked to others, he kept his head down, in classes he took notes, in the corridors he rushed around, during meals he read. It was exhausting watching the same thing every day, over and over again. Especially knowing in only 92 days he was going to end his life. She wondered if he was already thinking about it, if he was already planning it out. Did he know he was going to slit his wrists? Did he know what he would write? Did he even know he was going to be dead in 92 days? Did he care? 

She forced herself not to think like that, it was the evening. She hadn't eaten much at dinner. She couldn't think of anything but him as she watched him. She felt sad for him, more so than usual. Watching him you couldn't help but notice just how lonely he was. His books were often his only company. She hated when she saw all the dirty looks, he was given by so many different people. She hated how she heard whispers about him, she did so often. Nobody had anything good to say about him and usually they were complaining about him being here. She hadn't even noticed any of this the first time she lived this year. She didn't notice anything about him before, she had been drowning in her own self-pity to notice. It made her sick to think about.

She made her way to the astronomy tower after she finished eating the little bit of dinner she could force down. Theodore wasn't there yet, she was early. She also expected him to be late, and she had been correct. He casually strutted into the tower nearly fifteen minutes late. She wanted to scold him for being late, but then she thought of when she had been late in meeting Malfoy on their first day of working together. How annoyed Malfoy had been, how annoying he sounded, she could still hear his words that day, how pissed off Malfoy had sounded. “I don't like when people aren't punctual. It's very fucking rude. You just leave me waiting all fucking day? As if I don't have anything better to do than wait for you?”

Theodore spoke, distracting her from thoughts of Malfoy and how he acted that day. “Welcome to the official second meeting of the desperate soul redemption riders.”

Hermione rolled her eyes but didn't bother to correct him about the name. She figured he liked it when she said something, when he got a rise from her, and she refused to give him that. “Nothing new has really happened this week.” She said bored.

Theodore looked surprised “What are you talking about? This week? With Draco? Believe me, tons has happened this week.”

Hermione sighed “Fine, what do you think has happened?”

“Well, I mean the first day after our first meeting you had lunch with us.”

She nodded “I recall, I was there. Nothing happened.”

Theodore rolled his eyes “Yeah, except for Draco stared at you the whole time. Then later that night I had to deal with his questioning. However, I did win a bet when you confirmed you aren't with the ginger idiot.”

“Questioning?” She asked.

Theodore nodded “Yeah in our dorm after curfew. He was asking if you and I are dating or if I liked you. Don't worry I told him nothing.” Theodore smirked.

“He was asking you if we're dating?” She asked 

Theodore nodded again “Yeah, then after that night he dropped the whole thing.”

She said, “Yeah he ignored me the other times I sat with you at lunch.”

He shrugged ”Yeah, but that's just how he is. He doesn't care about anything or anybody other than his stupid books. I mean he doesn't even talk to me or Blaise anymore, and Pansy even less. Every time he does talk to us he's just annoyed about something. I mean during the war at least he talked somewhat, usually about duty or whatever. But ever since he got out of Azkaban he's been like a zombie; he doesn't talk or communicate. He seems to dread talking to anyone else. Like part of him died there.”

She nodded her head “I've noticed, he never talks to anybody. He's always alone.”

He looked at her for a second and said “You know I haven't heard him laugh in years. Not since before he got his dark mark. He was always so serious, so boring. Until two days ago. When you were in the hospital and you said something, I can't remember what. I mean to be honest you're so boring most of the time I tune you out. But whatever you said made him laugh. He laughed. For the first time in years, I heard one of my best mates in the world laughing, and it was amazing. It was almost like hearing him come back from the dead.”

Hermione was silent. Malfoy and she had joked around a few times. Mostly started by him. She wasn't aware he wasn't laughing out anything around Theodore at least. 

Theodore spoke quietly “I've been watching him lately. He's different when you're around. I mean even when he's pretending not to notice or be paying attention, even when he has his head down and he's reading, he's paying attention.”

She shook her head and said “No, he's not.”

He rolled his eyes “Whatever you say Granger.”

There were a few moments of silence before she confessed “I went through his notebook.”

Theodore laughed immediately “What? You mean that raggedy one he carries around everywhere? Christ, how did you get your grubby paws on that?”

She shook her head, feeling embarrassed she had gone through it, and confessed to Theodore Nott of all people. “We were working on our project together, and he left to go to the bathroom. I took the opportunity to look through the notebook.”

Theodore looked excited and moved closer “Come on, tell me more. What was in it?”

“Well, he has a few lists of places he wants to go, books he wants to read, even quotes from books he's read.”

Theodore faked falling asleep while fake snoring before jumping up “My God, even his notebook sounds completely boring. A snooze fest.”

Hermione rolled her eyes at him “He also had his friend's birthdays written down, good he likes and dislikes. He also had a weird list. He labeled the pages ‘Sins and Atonements.’ He wrote down every bad thing he thought he had ever done, and if he had done anything to make up for it. Like he wrote down, he made fun of Harry for having dead parents and he thinks he made up for it by not turning Harry in to the dark lord when we were at Malfoy Manor last spring.”

Theodore nodded his head, not looking surprised. “Yeah, that makes sense, over the last year he was talking a lot about making up for sins. Something about his soul being damned, and he needs to do something about it. He said a few times he was going to make everything right. He was saying this stuff before he went to Azkaban. But after he got out he never said a word about it again. I thought he dropped the idea or forgot about the whole thing entirely, but apparently not.”

Hermione was silent as she processed the information. Malfoy thought his soul was damned? He was trying to save his soul, and make up for whatever he thought he had done to damn his soul in the first place, and apparently, he thought it was lots of things that damned his soul to begin with. She didn't know what to think about it, how to feel about the idea. 

The Slytherin boy sat down next to her and asked, “Was that it, in his notebook?”

She shook her head “No. There were some pictures. Two of them, one of him with a baby girl when he's younger and one that looks more recent with the same girl but she's older.”

Theodore muttered ”Lyra.. of course she's in there.”

She looked up at Theodore, excited that the boy seemed to know who Lyra was. It had consumed her thoughts most nights as she tried to fall asleep, trying to figure out who Lyra was, and how did Malfoy know her? “You know her? Who is she?”

The boy with brown hair was silent and said “I'm not even sure myself. But she lives there, with the Malfoys and has her whole life. Whenever myself or anyone else asks Draco who she is, he tells us to mind his own business or ignores us completely.”

She sighed, frustrated. Of course, it wouldn't be that easy for her to find out the identity of this little girl, Lyra. “Where are her parents? Who are her parents?”

Theodore shrugged his shoulders “Fuck if I know. None of us, Draco's friends, know. He doesn't say shit about that. He gets annoyed and pissed when we ask. But her parents aren't around I'm guessing. Narcissa and Lucius take care of her, or I guess just Narcissa now, since Lucius has been gone. I've never seen another adult around the house that takes care of her. It's been like that since they got her, however she feels into their laps.”

Hermione was upset she didn't get an exact answer about the girl, but she had unlocked another piece of the puzzle about the girl. Lyra lived at Malfoy Manor and had for a long time, Narcissa took care of her? Hermione didn't see her there in the spring, but then again she could have only been four or five then. Of course they didn't have her around when everything was happening that day. Perhaps a house elf had been caring for her at the time? In a different wing of Malfoy Manor. Malfoy Manor was huge, surely a little girl could have been there and none of them would have ever known about it.

Silence surrounded them for a minute before Theodore spoke again “Listen, I've been thinking about Hogsmeade this weekend. I'm not saying you go with us or anything, but you should come hangout with us, Draco will be there, for a little bit. He might actually talk then, if you're around.”

Hermione knew Ron would hate it if she did that, Harry would probably be too busy with Ginny to notice or care. She reminded herself she was distancing herself from Ron, she couldn't care about his feelings. Not when he so plainly did not care about anyone else's feelings. It would be a great idea to hangout with them at Hogsmeade. Malfoy wouldn't have his book while walking. Maybe they would actually talk even if it was only a little bit it was better than nothing. “Okay, that's actually a good idea, I can meet you there, around eleven?”

Theodore nodded, standing up and grabbing his bag. “Meet us outside of the Three Broomsticks, we won't go inside, Draco is no longer welcome there.”

She hadn't even thought of that. Of course he was no longer welcome there, after what he did to Madam Rosmerta. “Okay, I'll be there.”

Theodore was about to leave but he asked first “Hey um, your friend Luna? Maybe you should bring her.’

Luna? Why would she bring Luna? Hermione thought about it and came to the realization she hadn't noticed before. Everytime Theodore had come up to her unexpectedly since her birthday, the day he and Luna had talked for nearly an hour at dinner, Luna was there. He came around when she was near Luna. Theodore Nott fancied Luna Lovegood, she wasn't sure how she hadn't noticed it before. But Malfoy's words came back to her, when he had warned her against Theodore, telling her he wasn't good with girls. Luna was too sweet and fragile. “No.” She said quickly. “I don't want to be rude, but Malfoy warned me. He told me that you weren't good for girls. That you hurt them.”

Theodore looked surprised. “He said that to you?”

She nodded her head; she was unwilling to let Luna get hurt.

Theodore laughed “I'm not sure why he said that to you but it's not true at all.”

She furrowed her eyebrows ”It's not?” 

He sighed and blushed before speaking, sounding embarrassed as he confessed. “Granger, I've never even had a girlfriend or anything close to it. Malfoy was talking nonsense.”

She wasn't sure why Malfoy had lied, but she was inclined to believe Theodore. She couldn't remember ever seeing her around girls in years past. So she decided to give in. “Alright I'll invite her to come.”

Theodore annoyingly smirked and winked before leaving the astronomy tower, leaving her behind to think about everything they had talked about that night.

Chapter Text

September 24th, 1998.

Fall mornings were the absolute worst, no matter what anybody else thought. You never knew what to expect, either blistering heat, or the bitter cold. At least in the winter you knew it was going to be cold, or in the summer sweltering hot. But the fall was always a fucking guessing game. Especially down in the dungeons. It was the one thing that Salazar Slytherin had gotten wrong. The dungeons held heat on hot days, with no ventilation therefore no way to get out. Or it was always so fucking cold, the cold dampness seemed to repel warmness in the winter.

Draco hated the damn fall. He hated the changing of the leaves, no matter what others thought, it was just the leaves fucking dying, where was the beauty in that? He hated the windy breezes and the unpredictable rain. He hated pumpkins, he hated the damn color orange, or yellow for that matter. Halloween didn't appeal to him. He had hated the season for as long as he could remember. He hadn't been the type of child to jump into leaf piles, he didn't splash in the mud, the mere idea had made him shudder, even as a child. He never saw the appeal of getting so dirty. Fall was the end of the nice weather that allowed him to fly on his broom or walk the gardens without potentially slipping in mud. Fall was the worst season of them all.

He had grown to like one thing about the fall, coming back to Hogwarts. However, that happened on September 1st, which was technically still the summer. So never mind. There was nothing good about fucking fall.

It was damn cold when he woke up, Theodore's fucking alarm going off at five in the morning. He hated that Theodore insisted on setting his alarm so early, even though Theodore himself rarely woke to it. It always woke up Blaise and Draco. It had been a new habit. In years past Theodore didn't even own an alarm. He had relied on the other boys to wake him. Fucking Theodore always had to do the most annoying shit. 

Blaise was the one who reacted first sitting up and grabbing his wand before using a basic spell to stop the noise, Blaise muttering “Fucking Theo, always so fucking annoying.”

Draco pulled his blanket around him tighter, turning away from the other two. It was five, which was far too early, Draco liked to wake up at seven. It gave him fifteen minutes to get dressed, brush his teeth, his hair, and get to breakfast. He didn't need much time to get ready. He didn't really care about his appearance, not anymore. However, more often than not this year he was woken up at five because Theodore thought it was a great idea to set an alarm at five in the fucking morning. Draco didn't understand it, Theodore claimed it was because he wanted to be up for the sunrises, and he had lots of work to do this year. But from what Draco saw, Theodore really didn't have a lot of work. Yes, Theodore took more classes than him, but Theodore seemed to breeze through his homework and tests easily. Almost as if he had every answer in his mind already. 

Draco covered his body with his blanket, throwing it even over his head. If there was one thing he couldn't stand, it was the cold. His cell in Azkaban had always been fucking freezing, even though it was summer time. He squeezed his eyes shut, forgetting those memories for the moment , and trying to go back to sleep. Making himself not think of anything. It was a new skill he had developed over the summer and he very much liked it. He loved being able to turn off his mind and feel numb. If he played it right he could get two more hours of sleep. He had become very attached to sleep these days. It was often the only thing he had the energy or motivation to do anymore. It was so easy for him just to shut his eyes and forget about the world for a while.

He was nearly back to sleep when Theodore's damn alarm clock went off again. Draco quickly grabbed a book from his nightstand, which was always covered in books, and threw it across the room at Theodore's bed, praying he hit the boy in the head.

Theodore grumbled something lowly as it sounded like the book hit him. At least he turned off the damn alarm. 

When Draco tried again to go to sleep it was a lost cause. Fucking great. It was far too early to be awake. It should be illegal to wake up this early. They hadn't even woken him up this early in Azkaban. They let him sleep pretty much all day. He would only wake up when he physically couldn't sleep anymore. 

He tried for half an hour to shut off his brain and sleep. But it was fruitless. His utter annoyance at Theodore and his damn alarms kept him up. At five thirty he silently got out of bed and began doing push ups. Something he began doing in Azkaban. Working out had been the only thing he had in there. Every day he would wear himself out, doing as many push ups, sit ups, hell even pull ups using the shelf in his cell. He wouldn't stop working out until his body gave out and he would go to sleep. Only to get back to working out when he woke up. It kept him sane, and made him warmer.

 At six he stopped doing push ups and grabbed the book he was currently reading from its place on his nightstand, separate from the others. The Bible, again. For what felt like the hundredth time. He had become absolutely consumed with the book, reading and rereading it, trying to find anything. Anything that might help him save his soul. Something to make him feel something again.

He read for nearly twenty minutes before he grabbed his journal, immediately flipping to the right page. He grabbed the quill he kept near his bed and copied a verse that had stuck out to him. Like he often did. He liked going back through the verses or passages he wrote down later. 

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth. He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken. -Isaiah 53:7-8

He wrote it right under the verse he only wrote down the previous night

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it? - Jeremiah 17:9

He read some more. Not finding anything else that stuck out to him. By the time it was seven he put the book down, before getting ready. As usual it only took him a few minutes to get ready. He didn't need much time. As soon as he was prepared for the day ahead of him he grabbed The Bible and his notebook carrying them as he slung his bag on. He left his dorm, walking through the dark and cold common room. Even under the lake he could tell from looking out the windows it was stormy. Fucking great. Windy and rainy again.

He shouldn't care, he decided as he made his way up to the great hall. It's not like he was on the quidditch team anymore, it's not like he even rode his broom anymore. He stopped doing that when he decided to put away childish things. He was a man, the head of an important family. He had no reason to participate in childish things anymore.

He hated the great hall he always had. It was always lit by ridiculous flying candles, which to him seemed like a fire hazard. Hadn't the founders or any headmaster since heard of chandeliers? He hated how uncomfortable the benches were, honestly he couldn't believe they were expected to sit on hard and rough wood during each meal. It was always so uncomfortable. Not to mention he could still vividly remember the nasty splinter Crabbe had gotten in his arse during third year from the bench. It had taken weeks to heal. Honestly, the school really couldn't spring for padded seating? However the food had to be the absolute worst part of the experience. Theodore was right all the years he complained. The house elves at this school couldn't cook for shit. The meats were always dry, the food unseasoned. It made him miss home. The elves at the Manor were wonderful cooks.

As he took his usual place at the Slytherin table he put a few pieces of bacon on his plate and three pieces of toast he covered in jam. Opened The Bible back up and went back to reading. Only a few minutes into the meal he found himself looking at the Gryffindor table. He hated this habit of his, but he felt the need to see if she was there. 

She was, like she always was. She was sitting with the tiresome twins, Potter and Weasley. Her back was to him, all he could see was her curls down her back and her arm movements as she ate. 

Draco grimaced as he saw Weasley, shoveling food down his throat, talking with his mouth full. Weasley was eating lots of greasy meats and fried potatoes, eating more than his share for sure. It was absolutely and utterly disgusting. How the hell could anybody stand to be around him? The way he ate Draco was sure the ginger idiot would wind up in an early grave. Maybe from obesity, or heart failure? Either way, the way he was eating was absolutely foul. Draco had met house elves with better manners.

Draco rolled his eyes and looked back down at his book. Eating his toast. He couldn't keep watching the uncivilized way Weasley ate without the risk of getting sick. He couldn't believe Weasley had so little manners. Honestly, did the idiot have no decency? No matter what he said about Draco, Weasley was the real stain on the school.

He was nearly done eating, thankful he hadn't been bugged during his meal and got to eat in peace when to his annoyance Theodore plopped down next to him. “Good morning, Draco. You're looking extra blonde today.”

Draco rolled his eyes and kept his head down on his book. He just wanted to be left the fuck alone. He had found that ignoring Theodore was usually the best thing to do. Eventually Theodore always got bored and left him alone.

Theodore sighed dramatically, “What are you reading? The Bible, again? Becoming a minister of some shit?”

Draco ignored him again. Theodore would get bored. He did, he stopped talking. Thank god. Theodore was taking hints better than he had in the beginning of the year. 

Draco finished his breakfast quickly and got up to go to class. His bag on, his Bible and notebook in his arms as he went to his morning classes. He got to each class early, he was always the first student in class. Everyone else was too busy socializing to get to class, he had been like that at one point. He had history of magic first, which was fine. He kept his head down and took notes about ancient magic uses as Professor Binns droned on.

Draco had always loved the class, since first year. He was sure he was the only student that enjoyed it. He loved learning the history of the magical world, he wouldn't say it out loud but he even liked Professor Binns teaching. Crabbe and Goyle had hated the class and used to complain about it constantly. He forced them out of his memory as soon as he thought of his old best friends. He refused to think of them. Instead, he focused on his notes, making sure he wrote every word of the lecture.

He got to his second morning class, charms, and was again the first student to enter. He made sure to sit in front. He used to sit in the back with Crabbe and Goyle. He never sat there now. They weren't here. Crabbe was dead. He was dead and never coming back. It hurt too much to remember, to think about him. Yes he had been an idiot but he was loyal to Draco. He had always been there for him, since they were kids. Goyle just couldn't stand coming back to school without him. No. He wouldn't let him think of them or remember the good times they had in that classroom.

He noticed Granger as she came in, sitting in the row behind him. Fucking Scarhead and Weasel sitting with her. The idiots couldn't get anything done without her. It was pathetic. Potter and Weasley would have both been dead years ago if not for her. He smiled a little to himself before snapping out of it. He shouldn't daydream of them dead. It wasn't good to dream of what could have been. He made sure not to be seen looking at her or the idiots. He only allowed himself a few seconds. 

He hated that he couldn't always stop himself, control himself. It was her fucking fault, she was stunning. He couldn't help but be drawn to her. He hated it. It was even worse when they were alone in that fucking library sitting at the same table, her scent of vanilla consumed him, he had to fight to control himself at those times. Then fucking Theodore had to start bringing her around. Having her sit with them at lunch on occasion. It was fucking hell  not look at her, to not talk to her. To not get a fucking erection from being so close to her. Most of the time he forced himself to think of things that disgusted him instead, house elves, Weasel, that boggart of Snape in a dress. Sometimes it worked. But sometimes it didn't, it had been so bad last week he had to leave the damn library telling her he had to piss. Just to go to the bathroom, lock himself in a stall and jerk off, allowing himself to think of her in those minutes. Her on her knees in front of him, using her know it all mouth to suck his cock, her plump lips wrapped around him. Her sitting on his face, her dripping cunt on his lips as she rode his face as he made her cum over and over again, letting him worship her cunt. Her bent over that damn table in the library, her skirt hiked up, her panties down around her ankles as he railed her, making her scream his name. He pictured what her tits would look like, what her ass would look like, he pictured she had a perfect cunt. He didn't last long that day in the bathroom. He never did when he pictured her. He had lost count of the times he had jerked off thinking about her, how many nights he spent in his four-poster bed, with his hand stroking his cock as he thought of that know-it-all brat. Fuck sometimes he swore he would give half of his fortune just to see her cunt once, just to have her once. Maybe they would get her out of his damn head. 

He shook his head. He had to stop thinking like that. Especially here in class. He had to get that damn project with her done so he could get away from her. Thankfully class started shortly after he tried to stop thinking like that. Allowing himself to think about charms instead, taking diligent notes. He decided halfway through class he would ask her to work together that night. They had to finish that project, and he craved to be around her, even only for work. It was all he would ever have and that was enough. 

Charms ended much too soon, and he grabbed his stuff slower than usual. Usually he would have been the first out the door. Not today. He had to go talk to her, to make plans for that evening. He watched her walking in the corridor for a few seconds, watching her hips sway, admiring the way her ass looked in that skirt. He only allowed himself five seconds before he came over to her walking with heavy footsteps to make himself known to her.

“Go away Theodore. I'm not in the mood.” She immediately snapped, sounding very annoyed, making him chuckle for a second. Glad to hear she found Theodore just as annoying as he did.

She spun around and looked up at him. Her brown eyes on him. Biting her lip in the way that she did whenever she was off guard. “Sorry to disappoint, I'm not Theodore.” He replied in a low voice.

She nodded her head, her brown curls bouncing with her movements “Yeah, I can see that.”

He cleared his throat trying his best to not sound eager while he said, “Tonight, after dinner we'll work together.”

She shook her head, his stomach dropped. Disappointed already taking over as she replied “No, I can't. I have plans this evening.”

What the fuck did she mean? Plans? Who did she have plans with? Probably that fucking idiot ginger. He rolled his eyes and knew he sounded pissed despite his best efforts “Fine. Whatever then.”

She quickly said “I'm sorry I didn't know-”

He cut her off gruffly, putting on his stoic face. Making himself not care. “I don't care about your plans or social life. I don't want to hear it, it would be a complete waste of my time. We'll just meet tomorrow instead.”

He didn't bother to wait for her to respond. Instead he quickly walked away. Making his way down to the dungeons. He wouldn't be going to the great hall for lunch. Instead he went to his dorm. Under his bed he grabbed the box of sweets his mother had sent him. It was the only thing about this year that was the same as always. She had always sent him sweets, every Monday like clock work, and she always sent him enough to last the whole week. She knew he had a sweet tooth and made sure he was taken care of. He adored his mother. But he definitely wouldn't let anyone know just how much he loved her.

He opened the box and took out a few pieces of lemon cake, his absolute favorite. He placed it on a plate he summoned and grabbed a butterbeer from the case he had under his bed. Afterwards he sat on his bed making himself comfortable as he grabbed the Bible going back to reading. After he finished his cakes he laid down. Deciding to skip his only afternoon class. He pulled his blanket up and went back to sleep. Turning off his brain.

Chapter Text

September 26, 1998, again, 90 days until December 25th

Hermione had always loved Hogsmeade, from the first trip in third year it had become one of her favorite parts of the school year. She loved getting butterbeer at the three broomsticks, getting sugar quills from honey dukes, getting new books. She had so many great memories in the small village, getting drunk far too much butterbeer with Harry and Ron, going with the boys to Zonko's joke shop, spending far too much money on treats at Honeydukes, her first date with Viktor Krum at Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop . It had been her first date with anyone, the first time any boy had shown any kind of attraction towards her. It had been wonderful. He listened to her talk about books and her studies as they drank coffee and had sweets. He had made her laugh with his impressions of various people at Hogwarts he had met that year. At the end he asked her to go to the Yule Ball with him, something she was sure he was going to take back. He hadn't. He took her to the Yule Ball, and they had a wonderful time. Until Ronald ruined it.

In another lifetime, one where Viktor didn't have to go back to Bulgaria, and travel the world for quidditch, she was sure they would still be together. Viktor had made her feel things she didn't know possible, things Ron never had. But they weren't meant to last. She had accepted that a long time ago.

She had woken up early, as she always did. She had one of the nightmares again, of Malfoy's body decaying in front of her, his skin turning from white to purple, maggots crawling around his cold dead skin. She had the dream so many times in the last month she could practically see the image of his rotting corpse every time she shut her eyes. It was an image she hoped wouldn't come true for many many decades, rather than only in 90 days. 

She took her time taking a shower that Saturday morning, scrubbing her body, shaving, taking her time with her hair. She had plenty of time that morning. After her shower she dried her body staying in her fuzzy bathrobe as she worked on her curls. Using product and glamour charms to make it smooth and tame curls, rather than the bushy and unruly curls she had lived with for years. She never let her hair go naturally anymore, she always kept it managed. It had always been a sore spot for her, she had always been made fun of for her hair, especially by the man whose life she was currently trying to save. She couldn't count the number of times in childhood Malfoy had tormented her over it. Sometimes the very worst part of her, wanted to give up and let him end his life. For petty reasons, for the years he had tormented her. However, she never let a small part of herself win. Draco Malfoy deserved to have a full life, after everything they had all been through. 

He had been used, just like the rest of them. They had been children forced to participate in a war they had no business being in. Voldemort taking away Malfoy's youth and forcing him to take the mark, doing his bidding. Dumbledore doing the same thing to Harry, Ron, and herself. Sometimes she resented Dumbledore for his part in all of it. Surely, he could have stepped up and done more, protected them more. Especially Harry, he had used Harry, put him at risk, time after time.

After her hair was dried and sitting on her head as nicely as possible, coming down past her waist. She hadn't cut in it over two years. At first, she just didn't have the time, she was too busy trying to save Harry. Now she just didn't have the energy.

She dressed herself in muggle clothes. Jeans and a black sweater. She felt comfortable in it, good. She wasn't looking forward to her trip to Hogsmeade this afternoon like she usually had. Sure, for the first hour she could have a few butterbeers with Ron and Harry, but at eleven she would have to go meet Theodore and Malfoy. She was hoping that Zabini and Parkinson would not be there, it would only make it more awkward for her. She had asked Luna to join them, and the flighty girl told her “ I'm not sure, I can't see the future. I'll possibly be there.”

She knew the day was going to be very unpleasant. First of all, she never enjoyed being around Theodore. She couldn't exactly pinpoint why, but he annoyed her to her core. She always found herself agitated when around him. Second of all, Malfoy was never fun to be around; he was always silent and cold. He always acted like it was painful for him to be around anyone else. 

She left her dorm room at eight, allowing herself to read for an hour beforehand to calm her nerves. Before leaving she made sure she filled her small purse she decided to carry today with galleons, she wasn't used to having so much to spend. She was hoping to find a few new books to purchase. By leaving with she had an hour to eat her breakfast in the great hall and meet up with Harry and Ron. They'd leave for Hogsmeade at nine and get there before ten.  She hoped to have more than an hour before she'd have to go meet Theodore.

Her morning went as she planned; she ate breakfast with Neville as Ron and Harry were running late. When they got there both of the two ate as quickly as possible. They walked together to the small village. It was remarkably nice weather for the fall. The leaves around the castle and surrounding the pathway had turned orange and yellow in color, some falling to the ground. It was warm, but not warm enough not to have a sweater on, she was glad for her outfit choice she had made that morning. The walk took thirty minutes, more than usual as they stopped a few times to look at their surroundings. Eating up as much as they could, it would be their last fall at Hogwarts. After this year they'd be thrown into the real world. The trio took their time to admire how the lake looked surrounded by oranges and yellows. How absolutely marvelous and beautiful the giant pumpkins outside of Hagrid's hut looked.

She felt a slight pain as they looked. She hadn't been down to see Hagrid. Not yet this term, not even the first time she had lived it. She wasn't sure why, but it seemed so hard to go down there and pretend nothing had ever happened, to act like everything was just as it had always been. 

The trio went straight to the Three Broomsticks and ordered a butterbeer each. She wanted to make sure she had a few before going to meet the Slytherins. It would loosen her up, make her happier, even if only for a while it was better than nothing.

They laughed and talked about old times. Only the happy memories. They never talked about the war, or hard times. They never talked about Fred, or Remus, not even Sirius. They each made sure to avoid stories with them, which was hard. Especially for Fred, most of their best times at school were because of the Weasley twins. They had three butterbeers each over the hour and a half they spent in the pub. She stood up right at eleven telling her best friends “I'll see you guys later; I have to go meet some friends.”

Harry nodded and said “Yeah, I'm about to leave as well. I promised Ginny, I'd meet her at Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop for lunch.”

Ron only nodded. He didn't ask her who she was meeting. She was sure he had a feeling and didn't want to truly know if she was going to meet the people she hated. She figured Luna wasn't coming, she hadn't shown up to meet Hermione beforehand like discussed. One never could tell what Luna was going to do. She was unpredictable.

She felt dread as she walked through the pub going outside. Even if it was superficial she was worried about how she'd look, walking around Hogsmeade with Malfoy and Theodore. What would people think of her hanging around them? While Theodore had never made fun of her, he had always silently stood by, they had never been friends. Malfoy on the other hand has tormented her and bullied her for years, he had made her feel horrible about herself too many times to count. If she was an onlooker rather than in her situation, she would have judged herself. She knew she couldn't care; she had to make herself not care what others thought.

The second she got outside she saw them. She allowed herself one second to be glad that neither Blaise Zabini or Pansy Parkinson were there with the two Slytherins. Theodore stood there wearing robes like always, his curly brown hair was messy like always. He didn't seem to care about how he looked. She was standing there smiling at her, waving at her.

Next to him Malfoy stood. She nearly stopped walking when she saw him. Malfoy was wearing muggle clothes. Something she never thought she had seen before. But he was standing next to Theodore, leaning against the wall of the pub, looking like he didn't care about anything in the world, and he was wearing muggle clothes. No, not just muggle clothes, that wouldn't have been that big of a deal, but of all things Malfoy was wearing sweatpants. Grey sweatpants with a plain grey sweatshirt the same exact shade. A black book bag slung over his shoulder. He looked like he had just rolled out of bed, even his hair was slightly messy. Like he didn't care about his appearance. The worst part was, Hermione thought he looked extremely attractive like this, he didn't look like the normal snobby person he was. He looked so normal. She shook her head to herself, no. She couldn't let herself think like that. She couldn't find him attractive. Thinking that was unacceptable. He could not be attractive to her.

Theodore smirked as she walked towards them, only to frown after a second “Where is Luna?” He asked annoyed. 

Hermione sighed “I'm not sure. She only said she didn't know what she'd be doing.”

Theodore sighed dramatically but then said, “Come on, let's go shopping!”

She nodded her head, watching as Theodore straightened up, getting ready to walk around the village. Malfoy didn't say anything, his eyes were on her as he pushed himself off of the wall, to go walking with them.

The air was awkward and silent as the three of them walked through the small village. Theodore walking in front of them, Malfoy walking by her side, his strides in step with hers. Close enough the were nearly touching. The streets were busy and the air electric around them, as if always was during visits to Hogsmeade. Students were all over the village, going in and out of shops. Laughing and talking with their friends. She noticed the looked she couldn't not notice them. Malfoy always got dirty looks, glares from other students. They all acted like he was the scum of the earth, like he didn't belong. Those looks of disgust were still very much present, but now they were accompanied by looks of surprise at her. They didn't believe the golden girl, Hermione Granger, was walking with the ex-death eater. Most of them probably thought it was a coincidence, maybe they thought they just happened to be going in the same direction. Behind some of the surprised were other looks directed at her, ones she hadn't gotten since before the war looks of disgust directed at her, not just him. Like some students suspended there was more going on between the two, like she was a traitor for even walking with him.

She distracted herself as they walked, looking down at the old and rough cobblestone under their feet, counting the stones and avoiding cracks. Remembering the silly saying from her primary school days, step on a crack, break your mother's back. She made sure to avoid the cracks today. Not for her poor mother's sake, no only to distract herself from her surroundings.

Theodore led the three of them into one of the smaller and older shops, Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop. A shop that no doubt had been there for hundreds of years, one of the businesses that was passed down from generation to generation in a wizarding family. The shop sold school supplies; it was a great shop to go to in between the school year to restock up on supplies that had run low. Ron had always hated the shop and called it a waste of time; he had never used enough of his supplies to run through them. Hermione on the other hand loved the shop. She loved the fresh smell of parchment that filled the air, she loved the various different kinds of parchment they carried, the different types of quills, they even had special inks. She loved looking at the empty notebooks, she loved that they carried bookmarks with amazing designs that were all enchanted to do different things. She always spent a good amount of money in the shop.

The bell rang as they walked through the door. The store was relatively empty compared to most of the other shops on the road. Most students came here lastly in the day and only spent a minute or two in. Only two younger students, both Hufflepuffs, were in the shop, looking at parchment.

Theodore mentioned quickly, “I need a new quill.” Before brown-haired boy walked over to the quills.

Hermione was conscious of Malfoy's eyes on her as she walked over to the bookmarks near them, she looked them over. Looking very closely at them. She was always amazed with how stunning they were, how some moved, how others glittered like in the sun. Her fingers gently touched a few. 

“A complete waste of money.” A deep voice spoke next to her, she hadn't even noticed Malfoy moved and was standing right next to her. 

“Excuse me?” She asked, her fingers on a bookmark with cats, one looked so similar to Crookshanks, the cats were enchanted to chase each other in the bookmark.

“These bookmarks. They're a complete waste of money. I mean seriously, twenty Knuts for one? It's a crime.” Malfoy said, actually glaring at the bookmarks, as if their very presence angered him.

Hermione couldn't believe it. She knew that Malfoy had more money than he could possibly spend in one lifetime. No, not even just one lifetime, in ten lifetimes. Yet he was standing next to her complaining about the price of a singular bookmark. Surely twenty Knuts weren't anything to him. It was pocket change. “Are you serious?” She asked him, looking at him as he glared at the bookmarks. 

“I'm very serious.” He replied “I mean I could make the same thing with a scrap of paper. It's nothing special.”

She blinked a few times “Why would you care? You have more than enough money to buy them all like it's nothing.”

Malfoy shook his head smirking a little “Malfoy's didn't become rich by pissing away money on such nonsense. For example, I don't even own a bookmark.’

She shook her head in disbelief. Malfoy read all the time. It seemed it was the only thing he ever did anymore, other than classwork. He cared about reading more than anything. Surely, he had to have just one bookmark to keep his place. “Then how do you keep your place?”

He rolled his eyes “I use a scrap of parchment. Why would I buy one of these when a piece of scrap of old parchment does the job just a well?”

She shook her head again. Brushing a few of her cheeks out of her face, tucking her hair behind her ear. No matter what Malfoy thought of the bookmarks she was going to get a few. She wouldn't be using an old piece of parchment. She grabbed the cat one and one that showed the sky, the sky as it exactly looked that time of day, it changed as the sky changed, from morning to night. She could practically hear Malfoy rolling his eyes next to her as she grabbed them, but she didn't care. It was her money, and she could spend it on whatever. She wasn't in need of any parchment or ink. Not yet, she'd surely have to buy some during the December trip to the village, but she had more than enough to suffice until then. Theodore was already paying for his quills, and she got in line behind him. 

Malfoy stayed by the bookmarks, looking at her as she stood in line. She felt oddly self conscious as he watched her. Why was he looking at her? Did she look horrible? She had a horrible sinking feeling, perhaps he was watching her to find a way to make fun of her. She paid quickly after Theodore did. She wanted to get out of the store. She wished she could get away from Malfoy, but she couldn't. She would be stuck with him for much longer on the trip to the village.

Theodore led them out, Theodore being more quiet than usual. However today he didn't seem in the mood to talk. They didn't walk far, only a few shops down. Hermione was smiling as they approached her favorite store in the village Tomes and Scrolls, a rather large book shop. It wasn't as large or as well stocked as Flourish and Blotts, but she had never in her many trips over the years, left the shop empty handed.

Malfoy didn't stay near her as he had in Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop. Rather, he immediately began waking down bookshelves, scanning them, just as Hermione was doing. She took a moment to observe him as he traveled the shop, he was looking at everything in the shop. There wasn't one book that he didn't at least read the title of as he passed it. The shop was nearly empty, which didn't surprise her. Even before the war most Hogwarts students had better things to do than read extra. After the war even less, they all wanted to live their lives to the fullest. They wanted to do things, not have their noses in a book. Hermione couldn't think of a way better to live her life than read.

She went through the aisles herself, grabbing a few that caught her eye. One on deadly magical trees, one an advanced practical approach to arithmancy, and another book detailing the history of the centaurs in the wizarding world. She took nearly thirty minutes to pick her books before she was ready to leave. She saw Theodore who looked bored, standing by the exit, waiting to leave. He had two books under his arm that he must have purchased. She paid for her books and went to join Theodore. She performed a shrinking charm on her books making them small enough to easily fight inside her purse.

She looked around the store and could see Malfoy in the small section of the shop that sold muggle books. He already had six books and grabbed another before he went to check out. Hermione strained to see what books he bought, however all she could see was a book on the top that had a large black dragon over the cover of the book titled The Great History of Dragons. After paying Malfoy stuffed his books into the bag he had slung over his shoulder.

Theodore loudly said “Took you long enough Draco. My god, that was painful. Even Granger finished before you.”

Malfoy rolled his eyes, leading them out of the shop, Malfoy holding the door opened for Hermione just to let it shut on Theodore as he hissed “Fuck off, Theo.”

Theodore pushed the door open and pushed past Malfoy, to take the lead, something Theodore seemed to love doing. “Shall we go to Zonko's?”

Malfoy rolled his eyes “I don't need anything from that shop. Everything in there is complete nonsense.”

Theodore frowned “You used to love Zonko's.”

Malfoy glared “When I was a child, sure I did.”

Theodore rolled his eyes, and they walked past Zonko's Joke Shop, not going in. Hermione didn't mind. She had never been a huge fan of the shop. Not like Harry and Ron who had always loved the shop. Theodore was muttering under his breath as they walked towards Honeydukes, no doubt complaining about Malfoy. 

Honeydukes was packed as always. The shop smelled like sugar and sweets as they walked in. There wasn't a lot of space in the shop. Theodore walked away, towards the no-melt ice cream that was always popular. Hermione went towards the sugar quills, they had always been one of her favorites. She thought Malfoy had walked away to go find his own goods, until she could practically feel him behind her. 

“Looking at Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, Granger?” He asked in a soft and low voice that sent shivers down her spine.

It took her a second to respond before she shook her head, his close proximity not putting her at ease whatsoever. His smell surrounded her, like mint, freshly cleaned laundry, and expensive cologne. Finally, she said “No. I'm getting sugar quills.”

He chuckled lowly, while reaching from behind her grabbing a box of the jellybeans that were next to quills, his hand brushing against her arm. “I've never actually had these.” 

That shocked her and seemed strange. Malfoy had grown up in the wizarding world, no doubt he was always given candies as a child. And Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans were a very popular candy in the wizarding world. “Really?” She asked him, still facing the shelf full of candies in front of her. Malfoy seemed even closer; she could feel his breath on her neck.

His voice stayed low as he spoke to her “Never. I always thought it was pointless. What's the point of a candy that can taste like ear wax, or dirt? I never wanted to take that risk.”

Malfoy silently put the box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans back on the shelf, his hand once again brushing against her arm. He grabbed a few sugar quills for himself and a few chocolate toads. 

It took her a second before she reached out to grab her own sugar quills. Malfoy was still right behind her. If she moved even the slightest backwards, she would run right into him. 

He almost whispered in her ear “Led the way, Granger.” He backed up only the slightest bit to allow her to walk away. 

She took the opportunity to walk over to the fudge counter, looking them over, deciding. Malfoy had followed her there too, standing behind her as he had by the candies. He grabbed his fudge and waited for her to grab what she wanted before he moved back. He did the same at the toffees and the other candy shelf. Every time he stood close to her, standing right behind her. His huge body dwarfed her, not just his height. He was huge, muscular and rigid. He would surely tower over nearly anybody else. His presence consumed her entirely, his scent in her nose, his hot breath on her neck, his arm that kept brushing against her arm. So many times she wasn't sure if it was an accident. It had to be an accident. She was sure Malfoy wouldn't want to touch a filthy mudblood like her, he saw her as beneath him. 

The entire time so many people in the crowded shop stared at them. Giving Malfoy dirty looks, giving her questioning looks. Some people looked worried about her, like they thought he was about to attack her. Eyes followed them everywhere they went around the shop. No doubt everyone would be talking about the pair later in the day.

He followed her around the entire shop until they went to register to check out. She paid for her treats, Malfoy paid for his right after her. She wasn't even sure where Theodore was. She hadn't seen him since he ditched them when they walked in. Malfoy didn't seem to care, after he had paid for his stuff he nodded with his head, gesturing for her to follow him. She did, she followed him out of the crowded shop, away from the glares and questioning looks and went outside with him. Where she was thankful to see Theodore waiting, leaning against a wall.

Theodore smirked and said in a very excited voice. “Took you two long enough.”

Malfoy only shrugged, no longer walking so closely to her. Instead, he kept his distance, walking on her side. 

Theodore groaned, grabbing his stomach. “Man, I am starving, maybe we could go get-”

The brown-haired boy stopped talking as they spotted a very blonde girl, walking into Dervish & Banges, a shop that sold many magical trinkets and items. Theodore stood there silently watching as Luna Lovegood walked into the shop. He quickly turned to Malfoy and Hermione “I'll see you two later, I have to do something.” He didn't wait for a reply, instead Theodore rushed into the shop Luna had entered only moments beforehand.

Malfoy was silent, so was Hermione. Neither seemed to know what to say to the other as they were more standing alone in the middle of Hogsmeade. She had done all of the shopping she wanted to do. Usually she would have gone back to the Three Broomsticks to get another butterbeer to warm up before the walk back to the castle. But she knew better, Malfoy was no longer welcome in the pub. Not after he had cursed Madam Rosmerta in their sixth year. She couldn't exactly ditch him to go get a butterbeer. Not when any time with him was precious. 

Malfoy spoke first “I'm going back to the castle. It's getting cold and fucking windy.” He didn't wait for a reply, in typical Malfoy fashion, he began walking away, going to the path that led back to the castle.

Hermione nodded and began going with him walking behind him but only until they were by the very outskirts of the village. Malfoy spun around and glared at her “What are you doing Granger?”

She had to admit she was confused by what seemed like a sudden change in his mood “Going back to the castle with you.” She answered like it was obvious.

Malfoy rolled his eyes, “You really don't need to do that.”

“No, I want to.” She replied, trying her best not to be annoyed with him. 

He frowned, looking pissed off. “I don't know what you think you're doing. Hanging around me, like we're friends or something. We're not. You're Theodore's friend, for whatever reason. But we're definitely not friends. So go away.”

Hermione had to stop herself from gapping at him. Was he serious? He was the one that had been all over her at Honeydukes. Yet he was acting like she was the pest? “Are you serious?” 

He rolled his eyes “I don't know what you're doing, or what game you're playing. But I don't fucking like it. I don't find it funny.”

“I'm not playing any games.” She spoke, unable to keep the anger out of her own voice. 

“It sure seems like it. Like this is one big joke, a game to you. Befriend the ex death eater? I don't appreciate it. I mean why are you even hanging around me?”

Hermione was frozen for a second. She couldn't tell him the truth. She couldn't tell him she was trying to stop him from ending his life, so she said the first thing she thought of, and she immediately regretted it. “No, it's just you seem so lonely and-”

Malfoy cut her off, his glare intensified and the anger in his voice clear. “Me lonely?” He laughed sarcastically “Have you ever fucking thought I'm happy like this? Maybe I don't like people. I don't want people around me. I sure as fuck don't need you of all people pitting me. I mean you're fucking pathetic Granger. You call me lonely? You're one to fucking talk. I mean from what it seems your own friends don't want you around. Not anymore, they don't fucking need you anymore.” Malfoy laughed cruelly “It's pathetic to see you running around the two idiots, trying to get them to like you again. Waiting for them to want to be your friend again. Face it Granger, they don't give a fuck about you now that you're not saving their asses. Maybe you should stop worrying about me and pitting me and you should worry about your own pathetic life.”

Hermione didn't say anything in reply, she couldn't. She was crying before she could stop herself. She hated it. She hated crying in front of others. Malfoy at least had the decency to walk away from her, leaving her alone and going back to the castle alone.

Chapter Text

Daily Prophet 

Publish date: September 27, 1998.

Golden Girl, Hermione Granger, leaves Ron Wasley for Ex-Death Eater!

It’s no secret that one Hermione Jean Granger has certainly been known to get around. From rumors of her and chosen one, Harry Potter, to her whirlwind romance with international quidditch star Viktor Krum. Her last romantic conquest ended in tragedy over the summer. Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger are rumored to have gotten together while on the run together from the dark lord last year. Readers were delighted to hear of the lovers coming together, a source of hope after dark times. 

However, apparently Miss. Granger’s attention is not easily kept. Poor Ronald Weasley was heartbroken when Miss. Granger broke his heart over the summer after only a few months together. While Miss. Granger refused to make any comment about the breakup, Mr. Weasley released a statement only days after getting his heart crushed. 

“I am broken hearted to report that Hermione and I have split up. While it was not a mutual decision and her choice, I am forced to respect and try my best to accept her wishes. I am hopeful that this is merely a temporary lapse, and we will be back together soon. I have nothing but love in my heart for Hermione and always will.” Ronald Weasley, August 29th, 1998.

While many readers, and this writer have tried to figure out what caused Miss. Granger to cruelly break Mr. Weasley’s heart, no conclusion has been made. Speculations of her focusing on schoolwork floated around, but nothing concrete. As Miss. Granger has completely refused to make a statement.

It seems readers and this writer may have finally gotten an answer as to why Miss. Granger broke up with her loving boyfriend Mr. Weasley. For an ex-death eater, no other than Draco Malfoy himself.

The pairing seems strange to people across the board. While Miss. Granger was on the run with Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter, to defeat the dark lord. Mr. Malfoy was a loyal supported even receiving the dark mark at only age sixteen. After the war everyone expected her not to want anything to do with Mr. Malfoy or any ex-death eaters for that matter. With his bigoted view on blood purity, it is unbelievable he would want to be with her.

It was also surprising as unlike Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy has never publicly been romantically involved with anyone else.

Many different sources have reported on seeing two looking very close on what seemed like a date on the first Hogsmeade trips for Hogwarts students. It is notable to remember both have returned to Hogwarts for their eighth year (to make up for their incomplete seventh year as a result of the war.) There has been heavy controversy on Draco Malfoy returning to Hogwarts only months after being charged and found guilty of heinous crimes. 

Sources report the two were spotted looking over bookmarks together at Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop (a shop specializing in writing supplies and stationery.) The pair looked very close as Miss. Granger looked over the bookmarks before purchasing a few, no doubt using Mr. Malfoy’s money to purchase.

An anonymous third year Hufflepuff student is quoted as saying “They were all over each other at   Scrivenshaft's! Whispering and laughing as she bought bookmarks! None of us could believe it. We were all shocked to see her stooping so low. She truly could do better.”

The pair additionally were spotted in Tomes and Scrolls (a shop specializing in books.) The pair were not as close and cuddly as they shopped for books. Apparently doing their own shopping before meeting together at the end.

The final shop the pair was spotted in was Honeydukes. The couple was reportedly all over each other, some sources even saying they were snogging in the middle of the shop. Mr. Malfoy was reportedly all over her.

Fellow eighth year Cormac Mclaggen told this writer “Malfoy was all over Hermione. He wouldn't let her get one inch away from him. Whispering and giggling together as they shopped for treats, Malfoy let her get anything she wanted on his dime. They were practically shagging in the middle of the store! Poor Ron was so hurt.”

However, the date did not end well, Mr. Malfoy did not get a kiss at the end of the date. Instead, sources say they saw Mr. Malfoy yelling at Miss. Granger. His yelling lead to spectators reporting that Miss. Granger left crying after Mr. Malfoy stormed away.

While this writer is not surprised, afterall, what did Miss. Granger expect from someone with his history?

When contacted, Draco Malfoy, who is currently attending his eighth year at Hogwarts following his two months in Azkaban, refused to make a comment.

We found Hermione Granger, unable to make any comment, as has made herself unavailable for any kind of comments or questions about any topic since the end of the war.

When contacted Ronald Weasley, one of Hermione Granger's former love conquests, refused to make a comment.

When contacted Viktor Krum, one of Hermione Granger's former love conquests, refused to make a comment.

This writer is not sure what she thinks about this new and unusual couple, be sure she will report any new information on the two I am able to get.

• Rita Skeeter.

Chapter Text

October 1st, 1998, again, 85 days until December 25th.

Hermione spent the last five days actively avoiding Draco Malfoy. She couldn't stand to see him, let alone talk to him. Not after he humiliated her as he did. It was so embarrassing that he had gotten to her and made her cry, it was embarrassing that she allowed him to make her so upset. She didn't look at him in classes, at meals or in the hallways. She wished she could never interact with him again. It felt almost liberating, not having to interact with Malfoy, not having to watch him. It relieved some stress she had been carrying on her shoulders.

She had actually considered it. No matter how horrible it is, she considered leaving him alone and moving on with her life. Letting Theodore alone deal with the Malfoy situation, surely Theodore could figure something out. She had been prepared to wash her hands of the whole situation and be done with it, consequences be damned.

Until she came to a horrifying conclusion. If Draco Malfoy killed himself again, it would destroy something inside of her. She decided she couldn't let him go; she couldn't let Theodore try alone. She wouldn't do it to herself, or more importantly to the people that loved and cared for Draco Malfoy. Especially his mother, Narcissa Malfoy who had put her trust and faith in Hermione. She couldn't let the woman down. She couldn't go to his funeral again and hear his mother crying for him. 

She had just needed a break from him, she had to take a step back for a few days. She had done that for five days. A part of her felt selfish for doing so. But the truth was she couldn't force herself to confront him after what he had said to her in Hogsmeade, and after she had broken down in front of him. She promised herself that she would never let herself cry in front of him again.

Then there was the damn article. It was actually almost comical; she had laughed reading it. She thought most people would know it was purely garbage. Until she went down for breakfast the next morning. Ron wouldn't even look at her, he hadn't talked to her at all since. Which was somehow a blessing and a curse at the same time.

It wasn't only Ron that had taken the article as the honest to God truth. In fact, it seemed most students had. The only ones that seemed to know better were Malfoy's friends, Harry, Ginny, Neville, and Luna. Every other student had spent the past five days glaring at her and even saying horrible things to her. How could you? He's a death eater. He could have killed Fred. He tortured people. He helped kill Dumbledore! You're a death eater’s whore!

Hermione tried her best to ignore them. She knew the truth and that was good enough for her. It had to be. She couldn't let them get to her. It didn't matter what others thought, as long as she managed to save his life. 

It was Thursday, mercifully Theodore and herself had already agreed not to meet that evening. There was no reason for them to meet. Nothing had happened, at least not enough to warrant a late night meeting between the two to discuss. She had spent most of her week avoiding Malfoy rather than tracking him as she had been for weeks. 

She felt ridiculous when she finally looked at him that day, in History of Magic class that morning. He was sitting at his table, Theodore next to him. Malfoy, like always, took up a lot of space. But Theodore didn't seem to mind. She couldn't hear what they were saying but Theodore was talking and smirking at Malfoy, as they waited for class to begin. Malfoy wasn't responding and kept his head down. His eyes trained on his blank parchment, ready to take notes on the lesson.

When Professor Binns began the lesson Malfoy took diligent notes, his leg bouncing as he did. He never changed. She was dreading after class, she knew she'd have to approach him. That gave her a horrible sinking feeling in her stomach. Worse than even when she had first had to approach him this term.

She scolded herself. She had done the unthinkable in her lifetime, she had done things everyone thought impossible. Draco Malfoy was nothing compared to those things. He was nothing compared to destroying horcruxes or breaking into Gringotts. He was nothing compared to enduring his aunts torture, she had stayed strong then, she hadn't broken for Bellatrix. Malfoy's stupid words couldn't break her either, they were so inconsequential comparatively. Even if he wanted to be mean and hurtful, it didn't matter. She would put up with it, she had to. If it was the only way to help him, it was worth it.

No. She decided to herself. She would not talk to him after this class, she wasn't going to track him down in the hallway where he could just quickly walk away from her. It would be an easy escape for him. She knew she would probably look ridiculous and pathetic to him, if she did what she knew she had to. He surely would think she was desperate for his attention. And in a way she was. She was desperate to get through to him, to become anything to him. Just so he'd let her in and let her help him. 

After History of Magic ended, she couldn't help but notice how quick he was to pack up and leave the classroom. He was always one of the first ones out of the room. He was always in such a hurry. 

She slowly packed her own stuff, carefully putting everything away in her bag. She left the classroom, and walked her normal pace to Charms class. She had to force her legs to move at a normal pace. Telling herself over and over again Malfoy is nothing. He's not as scary as Voldemort was, not as scary as Bellatrix had been. He's nothing.  

The walk to the classroom was much too quick for her liking, although she was one of the last students to arrive. Usually, she would have taken her seat next to Harry and Ron. But she knew she was not currently welcome to sit anywhere near Ron. Not to mention what she was about to do would make her even less welcome around him. 

The classroom was full for the most part, nearly all of the eighth year students took charms class. It was an easier N.E.W.T.s class and required for nearly any decent job in the wizarding world. Most of the seats were taken with students talking and laughing as they waited for Professor Flintwick to arrive. However, the seats all surrounding him were empty, like he had the plague.

Malfoy sat completely alone, not even his friends were with him today. They were in the back, and he sat in the front, nobody getting within five feet of him. Giving him a very wide berth. She took a deep breath before she forced herself to move to the front of the class. She didn't dare look at him as she came down the row he was seated in. She certainly didn't look at him as she took the seat right next to him. 

She pretended not to notice how the room got much quieter as she sat next to him. She pretended not to hear the whispers around them of shock. Like she had just confirmed what they all thought, what Rita Skeeter had written about them. Even though it wasn't close to the truth. She was dreading looking at Malfoy's face, even when she felt his eyes on her. She chanced a look over at her usual spot, where Harry and Ron were seated. Ron looked pissed off, he was visibly shaking, his face red as he glared at her and Malfoy. Harry next to him was talking quietly, probably trying to calm Ron down.

She was still looking at them when she heard a deep and quiet drawl next to her, “What are you doing, Granger?”

She let out a shaky breath and looked at Malfoy, when she turned her head, he was much closer than she expected. She had definitely not sat down that closely to him. No, he must have moved closer, he was nearly as close to her as he was in Honeydukes the previous Saturday. He was staring down at her face not looking away from her, she didn't dare look away either. She couldn't look away from him, his grey eyes were locking her brown ones in place. His scent filling her nose, the same scent of expensive cologne, mint, clean clothes, and just him, it was an addicting scent. One she hadn't realized she had missed until now.

She hadn't noticed just how beautiful he was before, she realized. His features were so sharp, he looked like a statue carved from marble. He was like a piece of art. A broken piece of art, with his slightly sunken eyes, the purple rings under his eyes prominent, his skin so pale it was sickly, his nose slightly crooked like it had been broken without the best treatment in the past. The faults in him only seemed to make him look that much more handsome. She hated how beautiful she found him. It wasn't right. It didn't seem fair, for someone like him to literally have everything. He was wealthier than most people ever dreamed of being, he was very intelligent, he always placed right behind her in marks, and he was so annoyingly handsome. It didn't seem fair that he had everything, while she had nothing. She only had the money given to her by the ministry and it felt like blood money, she didn't think she was naturally intelligent. She had worked hard for it, spent hours on hours reading and studying, she surely wasn't as attractive as him. She had to change so much about herself just to be halfway decent. He had won the lottery of life, and he was going to throw it all away in only 85 days if she couldn't help him.

He was waiting for an answer, she realized. She opened her mouth, trying to talk. It took her a few seconds “I'm waiting for the Professor.” She said it as if it was perfectly normal for her to sit with him.

He rolled his eyes “Why are you sitting here?” He asked, he didn't sound angry. He just sounded confused, like an unsure child.

She shrugged and said, “I decided that no matter what you say or think, we're friends.”

Malfoy laughed lowly, shaking his head. “We are not friends, Granger. I don't have any need for friends.”

Hermione shook her head, their eyes still locked on each other's “I said I don't care what you say.”

He only rolled his eyes before he broke eye contact and looked over her shoulder before he smirked “Well I guess Weasel does look absolutely pissed. You sitting here at least has that benefit.”

They didn't get to continue their conversation, Professor Flintwick came into the classroom. The small wizard called everyone to attention as he continued his lecture on protective wards. Malfoy had turned away from her and was taking diligent notes. She did the same, although she remembered it all from the first time she lived through this lesson. However, she knew it would look suspicious if she didn't take notes.

He stayed close to her the entire lesson, his arm brushing against his every so often. Every time sending shivers through her body and putting her on edge. She hated how just his touch affected her, even through their robes. She could feel the sparks going through her. It was ridiculous, she felt like a stupid school girl. 

The class ended much too quickly, never giving them another chance to talk again. As he always did, he began to pack up quickly. However, when he was done, rather than rushing off he leaned down to quietly talk to her without being overheard as he spoke to her. “Can you meet me in the library after afternoon classes, before dinner? So we can work on the project?”

It was the first time he had asked her to meet him, rather than just give her the time and demand her there. She nodded her head “Yes, I'll be there around four.”

He nodded his face, staying as emotionless as always “I'll see you then.” He spoke to her before turning on his heel and leaving the classroom, leaving her behind. 

She didn't see Malfoy for the rest of that afternoon. She skipped lunch to catch up on the work she hadn't completed in the last few days. They didn't have any classes together that afternoon. Her classes dragged by. She wasn't excited to go see him, but she knew it was important. 

She knew he was probably expecting to work in silence the whole time, like they did nearly every time. But she was prepared this time, she wasn't going to let him get his way. They would talk to each other, even if she had to force him.

She got to the library ten minutes early; she didn't want to be late and give him a reason to complain. She knew how seriously he took being punctual. Not to mention she really had nothing better to do. To her surprise he was already at the table. His stuff was out, and he was ready to work. She hadn't expected him to be there so early.

She took her seat across from him at their usual table. Neither acknowledged how the other was early. He merely nodded at her and he began to work, translating his runes. She did the same, letting them work in relative silence for now. She looked over at his book for a second, to see what he was currently reading. It sat on top of his notebook, blocking her view of the notebook, not that she cared about that she had seen it countless times. It was always the same, covered in stickers of quidditch players from around the world. Players that Malfoy liked, Viktor Krum in the middle of the notebook. The large book on top was a black book with the red words etched into it “The Complete Works of William Shakespeare.”

She looked away from it before he realized she was looking at the book. She wasn't as surprised as she would have been when they first started working together. She had noticed that Malfoy read relatively a lot of books written by muggles. She never said anything about it and neither did he. She forced herself to work on the project, translating her set of runes. They were well through three fourths of the project and still had nearly four weeks to finish the project, she wasn't worried about getting it done. They'd have it done on time with plenty of time to spare. She let herself glance up at him every so often as they worked in silence, his head down, his leg bouncing. She noticed something new that day, whenever he was concentrating hard on a certain rune, trying to translate it, his eyebrows would furrow.

She allowed them to work in silence for nearly two hours. Giving him plenty of that allowed them to work. She knew better than just coming out and talking to him right away. He would reject that and concentrate on his work instead. She took a deep breath before closing her book, signaling to Malfoy that she was done for the day. He pulled out his annoyingly gold and surely expensive pocket watch and looked at the time before looking at her, more like glaring.

“What? Are you done already?” He asked, sounding very annoyed.

Hermione silently pulled a small package out of her bag and set it on the table between them.

Malfoy raised one of his platinum eyebrows “Seriously? Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans? How childish.” He spoke, shaking his head.

She smiled at him and opened the box of jelly beans. She had gotten them for her birthday but hadn't touched them. She wasn't a fan of them. However, upon hearing that he had never had them she had to bring them. “Come on, just try one or two.” She insisted.

He shook his head “No, those are completely vulgar.”

Hermione laughed hard at the dirty look he gave the two jelly beans, one pink and the other yellow, that she poured onto her hand. “Malfoy, come on, just try one. You can pick which one and I'll try the other.” 

He stared at the jelly beans as if they had seriously offended him somehow. After nearly thirty seconds he sighed dramatically and reached out, taking the yellow one slowly. As he put it in his mouth, she took the pink one in her mouth. 

Malfoy smiled after a second “Lemon flavor.” He stated, relieved that he didn't get a vile flavor.

Hermione laughed and replied, “Lucky you. I got ham.” 

He laughed in return before saying “Ham? That's not so bad. You could have gotten worse. These jellybeans are no laughing matter. They are dangerous.”

She grabbed the box, pouring out two more, a light blue, and an orange one. Malfoy seemed more comfortable taking one now, despite bashing them only seconds ago, taking the light blue one. She accepted the orange one and again they ate them at the same time. 

She smiled first this time. “Mango that time. Much better than ham.”

Malfoy gave one of his rare smiles in return “I got cotton candy, much better than your ham.”

This time Malfoy was the one that took the box and poured two out onto his hand. Hermione had to force herself not to look at his hand, it was large. Larger than she had expected, his fingers long and lanky. He dropped one white one, and one light brown jellybean. He stuck his hand out letting her choose first this time, Hermione took the white one. 

Again, they ate both beans at the same time. This time they both made a disgusted face at the same time. 

Hermione choked hers down first and exclaimed “Oh gross, onion!” 

Malfoy glared “Onion?! Onion?! I wish I had gotten that lucky! I just ate what I could only imagine was dirt. If I wasn't raised to have manners, I would have spat it out on the floor.”

Hermione couldn't help herself as she began laughing, even more so when he summoned a cup of water and chugged it, to try and remove the taste of dirt.

After finishing his water, he breathed out “That's exactly why I refused to eat those vile things. I mean who in their right mind wants to eat dirt? Merlin, those are rancid.”

Hermione couldn't herself as she laughed for a few more seconds before asking “Want another?”

“No.” He immediately responded, pushing the box towards her. “Take those little devils with you.” Malfoy began packing up his stuff “I wanted to work more tonight but now I have to go scrub my teeth. So, I guess we're done tonight.”

Hermione nodded, grabbing her stuff. “Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.”

He huffed, waving her off, “We'll see. I might need a break from your ‘friendship’ after the shit you just pulled.”

He reached to grab his book and notebook. The book fell off leaving his notebook exposed for just a second before he grabbed both and rushed off to brush his teeth. 

Hermione on the other hand couldn't move, because the Viktor Krum sticker that once took up the middle of his notebook had been removed. More than removed it looked like Malfoy had ripped it off in anger, leaving scraps behind.

Chapter Text

October 5th, 1998, again, 81 days until December 25th.

Monday mornings had always been one of Hermione's favorite days. She loved the feelings of getting back into classes and back into her daily routine. The weekend had been completely uneventful. She hadn't seen Malfoy or heard from him all weekend. It was like he had completely disappeared from Hogwarts grounds. He wasn't at meals, or at least when she was there, she didn't see him outside like most of the other students had been. It was nice and sunny out, possibly for the last time this year. She didn't see him in the halls, she didn't even see him in the library. She tried to remember the first time she lived this, where had she seen him? It was to remember, she hated it but she really hadn't paid him any attention the first time around. He was nothing to her then, just a man who used to be an asshole. He had just been there, but he hadn't been important enough for her to pay him attention. The library, she remembered seeing him there often. He was always there, oftentimes, she recalled, it was only them in the library. The two of them spent their free time there, separately, but never even looking at the other. However, this weekend he hadn't made an appearance.

That's what really made this Monday that much better, she would finally get to see him. She hated to admit it, but she got nervous when he wasn't around. She got terrified that he had done something to himself. That he ended his life earlier than he was supposed to. She had to constantly tell herself it was irrational; he wasn't going to end his life until December 25th. She had over two months left. 

She got to breakfast early; she was one of the first students there. She brought her book; she was doing her yearly reread of Hogwarts: A History. She remembered bringing it with her when they were on the run. She had even reread it in the tent. She had done a lot of reading then; all nonfiction books she thought might help them. It was all she really had to do back then. Especially after Ron left, she remembered how badly that had hurt. She had felt so abandoned by him, she still couldn't understand how he left her and Harry behind. She would never have done that. Even if she has been wearing the locket like he had been.

Maybe it was part of the reason she ended their short-lived relationship. She could never trust him to stick around when times were hard. Back in the tent she had so many resentments towards him. Back then she felt like he didn't really give to anything, not like her and Harry had. Harry lost his parents, and his godfather, he lost so much for the war, Voldemort had in a way stolen away the life Harry should have lived. Hermione gave up her parents to keep them safe, she still hated even thinking about them. Back in the tent Ron hadn't lost anyone, not truly. Until the battle, after that she felt horrible forever feeling like the, after he lost Fred. His own brother, Hermione hated that she ever felt like Ron hadn't lost anything. In the end he did lose so much. 

She forced herself to stop thinking of that, she never liked thinking about Fred, it was far too painful. And she never allowed herself to think about her parents. She never let herself think about them, not even during the holidays. She forced herself to open the book and read. Looking up every few minutes to see if a certain blonde was at the Slytherin table yet.

Eventually she grabbed herself from food, breakfast potatoes and eggs, with a cup of coffee. She continued to read as she ate her breakfast, only stopping to try and spot Malfoy. She hadn't seen him yet. She rolled her eyes when Ron and Harry came into the great hall, Harry being the good friend he was, gave her a small wave and smile as they walked by. Ron didn't, he glared at her and kept walking, sitting them away from her. He was so childish. Ron was currently acting like she didn't exist, after the article. It got even worse on Thursday when she sat by Malfoy in class. On Friday she sat alone, Ron made it clear he didn't want her around. He was acting like she was doing something horrible by trying to be friends with Malfoy.

She heard Ron loudly say to Dean Thomas “Honestly, she should just go sit with the Slytherins. Since she loves them all so much.”

Hermione rolled her eyes and ignored him, going back to her book. It didn't matter what Ron thought. He was always jumping to conclusions and getting mad at people. He had done it to her before and to Harry before. What hurt more was the fact that Harry always took Ron's side, when though he said he wasn't taking sides. He still hung out with Ron instead of her. 

When she finally looked at the Slytherin table again, Malfoy was there. Looking directly at her as he ate toast that was covered in strawberry jam. Like her he had a book open in front of him. Their eyes locked, he didn't look away so neither did she. They kept their eyes locked in only a few seconds, but it felt so much longer. Broken by Theodore who sat down across from Malfoy, making it so they couldn't see each other.

Theodore had made her weekend even more miserable. He followed her around the whole time she looked for Malfoy. Being completely unhelpful in her search. Instead, he was talking about Luna Lovegood the whole time and asking Hermione questions about the Ravenclaw girl. He was even carrying around the latest edition of the Quibbler. Apparently, he has gotten a subscription to the magazine. He had even taken a sudden interest in Divination, Luna's favorite class. A subject she knew for a fact Theodore did not take. 

Hermione felt like he wasn't taking the whole Draco Malfoy is going to end his life in a little over two months if we don't stop him, seriously. He was acting like it was no big deal. Instead, he kept calling them the desperate soul redemption riders and singing the Ghostbusters theme song as he did the first time they talked about Malfoy. It wasn't until she was exhausted from looking Theodore decided to tell her that he knew Malfoy was in his and Malfoy's shared dormitory in the dungeons. Hermione nearly strangled him right there.

She couldn't see Malfoy for the rest of breakfast, Theodore sitting in the way. God Theodore was so smart but sometimes he could act so daft. She left breakfast early. Her morning started with double potions. Something she would have dreaded in her earlier years at Hogwarts, but now with Slughorn as the professor she enjoyed the class thoroughly. She wouldn't sit with Malfoy in the class. He would surely be with Theodore, Zabini, and Parkinson. While Theodore wasn't that bad, she hated being around Zabini and Parkinson. Most of the time they just kissed and whispered to each other. But she could swear sometimes she still saw Parkinson glaring at her, giving her dirty looks. 

Instead, when she got to class, she seated herself with Ernie MacMillan and Hannah Abbott. She couldn't sit with Ron and Harry like she usually would. Both students she sat with were Hufflepuffs, but she liked both of them, they were intelligent and were both prefects as she was. Or she had been. She technically still was but with another year level at school this year she wasn't needed to patrol at night anymore, if she didn't want to. She had rejected doing patrol. She would have to go with Ron no doubt and it would be too hard. To pretend everything was how it had been before. She wondered if Malfoy was still a prefect. Probably not. He was probably stripped of the title, and if not, he certainly didn't do patrol. She remembered he hated it even before the war. He had complained about it countless times.

Potions class was easy enough. They listened to Slughorn's lecture for a few minutes before they were turned away to begin brewing Veritaserum. In total it would take two weeks to brew, it had to sit for a while with different ingredients added at different time intervals. Today they were just getting it started. It was the simplest part of the potion. Hermione finished quickly and easily. With ten minutes of the class still remaining. She could see Ron across the room was struggling. Of course he was. Ron was never good at potions. She peeled her eyes off of him. Everyone else was still working, other than Malfoy. Like her he was done, the lid of his caldron on, of course he was done. He had always been good at potions, great really. It was the only class he managed to get better marks than her in. Something that she always hated; she always tried her best to be better than him, but it was useless. He had a natural talent for brewing. He was reading the book he kept in his lap. Not looking anywhere. 

She found herself looking at him like she often did, she realized his hair was different from years past. It was still the same color and length, but it wasn't as meticulously done as it used to be. Instead, it looked like he just ran a comb or brush through it and was done. As she looked closer, she noticed more she hadn't been, his clothes were all nice but not as pressed and perfect as in years past. Nobody would really notice the difference unless they looked closely, saw how his collar was slightly wrinkled, his tie just slightly off. In years past he would never have allowed such imperfections. Now it was almost like he didn't care how he looked. Or cared as little as possible for a Malfoy. He was still better dressed than most, he still had better posture than most, and he still had the general aura of someone of his standing. However, he was not the same. 

It was like he felt her eyes on him, as he looked up at her. Their eyes locking again as they did at breakfast. He looked at her for a few seconds, she could feel him looking her over. Before he looked away, he rolled his eyes at Ernie MacMillan who sat next to her and was struggling with his potion before he looked back at his book. Keeping his head down for the rest of class. 

Hermione got her own book out and began to read, class ended quickly after that. She packed up at her usual pace, watching as Malfoy quickly left the classroom, walking past her as he left. He didn't look at her even as he walked past her.

She didn't see him at lunch. She sat alone, as she had at breakfast. She ate a sandwich quickly. And spent the rest of the hour reading Hogwarts: A History. Ten minutes before one she packed her bag away and went to the bathroom. She knew her hair would be a need as it always was after she brewed a potion. As she expected when she looked in the mirror, she saw her hair was a frizzy mess. She did a glamour charm, but it didn't help much. She didn't have the time to fix it properly so instead she put it in a ponytail. She had to be quick to get to Ancient Runes on time. 

She was one of the first students there, so she took her seat, she usually sat alone in this class. She didn't mind. It was a large classroom, and a relatively small number of students took the class. She walked past Malfoy who was sitting in the back with Theodore and Zabini as she took her seat in one of the middle rows. She didn't look at him when she walked past him. She was worried he may think she was a stalker or something, he had already caught her looking at him twice in one day.

Professor Babbling must have been running late, she wasn't there as class began. Hermione pulled out her book and began reading as she waited. Her heart dropped as she heard the scrapping of a chair next to her. She had to hold back a sigh, sure it was Theodore, ready to ask her more questions about Luna that Hermione didn't have an answer to. She decided not to look at Theodore, maybe then he would go away. 

It wasn't until the smell of clean laundry, mint and his expensive cologne hit her nose, she realized it was definitely not Theodore next to her, it was Malfoy. She hated the immediate butterflies she felt in her stomach by his presence. 

She was about to look at him when he spoke to her in the low voice, she found he often used “ Hogwarts: A History. Really Granger? That has to be the most boring book in the world.”

She looked at him, annoyed. It was not a boring book. It was actually a great book. She was ready to lecture him about it when she saw the book he was holding. The book on his notebook, it was the same as hers, Hogwarts: A History. She smiled a little bit at the book in his hands. 

Malfoy rolled his eyes and chuckled “Don't get so excited Granger, it's just a book.”

She shook her head and said “I'm just surprised. Nobody else I know had read the book, even though it was required for first years.”

Malfoy smirked at her “Maybe not Scarhead and Weasel. However, I read it twice the summer before our first year. It's not their fault, I doubt they can even read.”

Hermione ignored his comment about them not being able to read and countered “I read it three times the summer before our first year. I do a reread of it every year.”

He rolled his eyes again shaking his head “Of course you do. I wouldn't expect anything less.”

He was sitting so close to her; they were nearly touching. He was much closer than needed. The rest of the table, actually the rest of the row was completely empty. But was sitting as closely as possible to her without actually touching her. Without thinking she asked him “Where were you all weekend?”

Malfoy seemed to freeze for a second, surprised by her questions. His grey eyes scanning her face, before he smiled slightly, only for a second before going back to emotionless. “Why? Were you looking for me?”

She shook her head “No!” She quickly said, not wanting to sound creepy. “I just noticed you weren't around.”

He studied her face for another second before he shrugged “I had a lazy weekend. Stayed in bed, slept, and read.”

Their conversation was cut short by Professor Babbling coming into the classroom. The witch didn't waste any time before she began lecturing. Malfoy stayed next to her. Pulling out his parchment, ink, and quill. He was taking notes and listening diligently. His leg closest to her bounced as he worked.

She found it nearly impossible to concentrate with him so close to her. His scent surrounded her. She had to focus hard on the lecture, taking notes on a subject she had already learned. 

That hour was hard for her, harder than it ever had been before to be around him. She found herself looking at him often, concentrating on the way his brow furrowed occasionally as he worked, the way his fingers flexed around his quill, and how absolutely horrid his handwriting was. His notes were somehow even worse than the work she got for their project. Something about him was pulling her in. She made herself keep her eyes on her parchment as she took her own notes.

She expected him to quickly pack and run out of the classroom like he usually did. However, he didn't. He packed his stuff up quickly as he always did, but he didn't run out of the room. Instead he lingered, waiting for her. They walked together side by side as they left the classroom, Malfoy held the door open for her as he did that day in Hogsmeade. Showing his training in being polite. She mumbled a thank you to him as she left the classroom. They kept walking side by side. She wasn't sure where they were going or what they were going. They walked in silence, Malfoy had slowed his usual fast strides and kept pace with her instead. 

He leaned down and spoke in her ear, likely so she could hear him talk to her in the crowded hallway “Do you want to join me for a walk?” His lips nearly touched her ear, his hot breath on her, sending shivers through her body.

She only nodded her head, not trusting her voice. She followed him, walking with him as he led the way. She didn't question where he was taking them, something she realized later could have been a mistake. It didn't matter at the time. She wanted to be around him; she told herself it was just to try and save his life. 

He took them outside, holding the door for her as they exited the school and went down the path towards the greenhouses. It was nice outside. The sunshine from the weekend had stayed, it was seasonably warm, the outside world was orange and yellow. It was beautiful. They walked past the greenhouses going down the grass path.

They walked in silence, Hermione didn't even notice where they were going. She was too busy trying to force herself not to look at him. It wasn't until he stopped walking, she looked around and realized where they were. They were in the exact spot she had hit him in third year.

She could remember it vividly, her fist connecting with his face. It was the first time she had ever hit anyone before and wasn't sure if she did it right. She remembered how he had cursed and stumbled back. She wanted to hit him again, but Ron had stopped her that day.

Malfoy smirked at her, as he leaned against the large rock near them. “Being here brings back phantom pain in my nose.”

Hermione rolled her eyes. “It wasn't even that bad.”

Malfoy laughed and replied. “Wasn't that bad? Granger, you broke my nose.”

She rolled her eyes “No I didn't.”

He shook his head “No you broke it, fucking nose bled for nearly two hours. Then anytime it was touched it would bleed again, for weeks. Third year was a very traumatic year for me with injuries. First that deranged Hippogriff brutally mauled me, then little Granger attacked me for no reason.”

She was about to lecture him when she saw him smirking. He was joking around with her, again. Something she didn't think she would ever get used to. “Bled for hours? Why didn't you go to Madam Pomfrey?” 

He stopped laughing “Yeah right. She'd tell my parents. I couldn't exactly have my father knowing a muggleborn, and a girl, nonetheless, broke my nose. I would have never heard the end of it.”

“You didn't tell your parents?” She asked, looking at his face. She could see the slight bump in his nose. She noticed on Thursday that he obviously had a broken nose that wasn't properly healed in the past. “I mean they had to notice your nose isn't straight anymore.”

He shrugged, “I told them I got hurt in quidditch practice, so they didn't care.”

She rolled her eyes, “If you brought me here to apologize for hitting you, I'm not going to.”

“What? I don't want an apology. Actually, I probably deserved it to be honest.”

Malfoy began walking again and she followed him. Walking side by side. They were silent again, neither seemed to know what to say to the other. They were walking towards the courtyard, walking on the pathway covered in leaves. 

He spoke to her after they were on the court year, looking at her again. Studying her closely, looking at her hair. “I have to get going. I have plans with Theodore.”

She nodded her head, “Okay, I'll see you later.”

Malfoy looked down at her and quietly said “You really shouldn't wear your hair up.”

She immediately felt on edge. He was going to make fun of her again, she was sure. He was going to laugh at her hair and call her ugly like he always had.

He quietly said “It looks better down. You should always wear it down.”

She shook her head “Just leave me alone.” Her tone was harsh, and she knew it. 

He looked confused, until it clicked. He knew that she thought he was making fun of her. He shook her head “Granger, I'm serious.”

She snapped at him “I don't need you laughing at my hair and telling me how ugly I am. Just leave me alone, Malfoy.”

Malfoy stared down at her, his grey eyes on her face. He brought his hand up to her face gently caressing her cheek. She knew she should pull away. She shouldn't be letting him touch her, but she couldn't pull away. She felt the sparks going through her body from her cheek, down through the rest of her body from just one touch from him. He spoke in a low and quiet tone, keeping his eyes on hers as he spoke. “Granger, you're a lot of things. But you've never been ugly.”

She felt like she couldn't move. Not as he lowered his hand and walked away, leaving her behind as he went into the castle to meet Theodore.

Hermione felt so fucking ridiculous, so stupid. Because at that moment she realized that she had a fucking crush on Draco Malfoy, and that absolutely was not okay with her.

Chapter Text

October 5th, 1998.

Girls had always been a mystery to Draco. He wouldn't openly admit it to his friends, but he wasn't even sure how to act around a girl he was invested in. Invested, yes. That was exactly how he felt about her. He was willing to dump his resources into her, just to have her.  It was an absolutely ridiculous notion. He shouldn't even allow himself to think like that. He was not good enough for her. She would never want him. Not the way she had wanted Krum, or Weasley, or even fucking McLaggen. He wasn't good enough for her, he never had been, and he never would be. She thought he was the scum of the fucking earth, an ex-death eater who hadn't been able to save her from his aunt. Who hadn't even tried to save her.

He didn't know how to talk to girls, how to act around them. It wasn't his fucking fault. He wasn't given the opportunity. Sure, Pansy had been all over him during third and fourth year, but he never really liked her like that. It was nothing against her, but the attraction wasn't there. Sure, he took her to the yule ball, but it was more like taking his fucking sister than a girl. It ended up she hadn't even been attracted to him in the first place. Her attraction had always laid on Blaise, Draco had just been a tool to make Blaise jealous. Draco was actually relieved when he learned this, it made so he didn't have to break Pansy's heart and let her down.

He didn't have the time for girls, not really. First it was the pressure from his father, be the best. He spent his extra hours studying doing homework, so he would train for quidditch. He didn't have time for girls. As he got older the responsibilities only grew, he had been turned into a tool for the dark lord to use. It took over his entire life. He didn't have time to talk to girls. It wasn't a problem at first. Until his form year, when he woke up for a hard on for the first time. The morning after the yule ball to be exact, he had his first wet dream about her. He kept having the need to get off after that, it was normal. He knew all the other guys did it. But what the fuck was he supposed to do it think when whenever he wrapped his hand around his cock all he was able to picture was a fucking mudblood. It had disgusted him every time he finished for years. She wasn't supposed to be a fantasy for him. He tried to think of the other girls at school, Cho Chang, Daphne Greengrass, Romilda Vane, but all the thoughts came back to her. He would be thinking of other girl, riding his cock, then suddenly the girl turned into Granger, riding him, under him, him fucking the shit out of her. After a few years he stopped being disgusted by it, by thinking about her. He let himself get into the fantasies about her after he stopped being disgusted. He let himself look at her in class. Sometimes classes would be fucking impossible. He would think about bending her over the workstations in potions, her under his desk in history of magic sucking his cock, him under her table in Transfiguration eating her sweet pussy. He found himself jerking off multiple times a day to thoughts of her. 

Even when she was gone, and on the run with fucking Weasley. He often pictured himself getting the order to kill or attack Weasley. He would kill or attack that dirty ginger, take Granger, who would be so impressed with his strength and dueling skill, and do so many dirty things with her. Fucking her with his knuckles still bloody, making her cum over and over again. He liked those fantasies a lot. 

Those fantasies stopped for awhile after that day at Malfoy Manor, the worst fucking day of his life. Seeing her screaming and being tortured and cut into, as she fucking begged him to help, killed the mood. Aunt Bella really knew how to kill a mood. 

However, it didn't last forever. When he found himself with hours and hours of free time in Azkaban the fantasies came back, and with nothing else to think about were more vivid than ever. He spent hours out of the day laying in the small cot in his cell, his hand around his cock as he thought of her. 

He was positive if Hermione Granger could ever read his perverted thoughts, she would get a restraining order.

It was more embarrassing to think that he might not even know what exactly to do when he got her. He wouldn't tell the guys, he was sure they thought he was a stud, as he may have led them to believe over the years. But he had never actually fucked a girl. As he said, he never even had the time to talk to a girl, let alone figure out how to get her in bed with him. However, Draco had read a few books on the subject, more than once. Not to mention the one time the summer before fifth year Theodore showed him, Crabbe, Goyle, and Blaise a muggle video of two people in the act. It had been weird to watch it with them, but it really helped fill in the blanks of what to do. Sometimes he felt like the saddest part about Crabbe dying, he died a virgin.

That wasn't fair. At this rate Draco would probably die a virgin himself. He would die as a pathetic virgin, who never even kissed a girl. If things went as he thought, he didn't have much time left.

At first it wasn't even like he had feelings for Granger. He just wanted to fuck her over and over again. It had morphed into something, maybe it was an obsession. He didn't know but if was fucking pathetic. She would never want him; he didn't deserve her. He just loved being around her. Savoring the few moments, he was able to bask in her presence. He felt like such a fool as he sat by her in class, so pathetic. He was sure she was going to tell him to fuck off, but she hadn't, she let him sit by her. She let him bask in her warmth for the whole class. She was the fucking sun, so beautiful, she was life giving, he needed her, relied on her, but he could never get too close. She was the sun, and he was a mere mortal. 

Why the fuck did he even have to go sit with her in Ancient Runes? This whole thing wouldn't have happened if he had stayed in his own seat. But no. He was so worked up after potions class. Seeing her brewing, her hair getting just the way he fucking loved it. Then seeing her sitting with Ernie MacMillan of all people, fuck her was ready to attack the Hufflepuff fool. He was happy she wasn't sitting with that ginger idiot anymore, but she didn't need Ernie MacMillan as company. Maybe she was into him? No. She had to have better taste. Then again, she was with Weasley, so her taste is questionable. After potions he was so fucking worked up seeing her looking like that, so magnificent, he didn't go to lunch. The potions class was close enough to the Slytherin dormitories he went there. To his bed, with his hand around his cock, pretending it was her wet cunt around him instead. Then seeing her alone in Ancient Runes made him move without thinking. He didn't say goodbye to Theo or Blaise. He just went to her, like a magnet.

He didn't know shit about girls, and he was sure he had fucked everything up. He wasn't sure what came over him. Why the fuck had he touched her face like that? Caressed her so gently. It was something he had dreamed of doing, but the feeling of her soft skin, the sensation of her breath on his wrist, the sweet vanilla smell of her, it was overwhelming. He would do anything just to touch her again. And he had to basically tell her how fucking beautiful he then she was. She probably realized how absolutely pathetic he was. She probably knew how obsessed he was, how badly he needed her. She wasn't going to let him sit by her in classes again or walk around with him again. His moments with her were over, he was sure.

He felt even worse than he had that day in Hogsmeade. He hated himself after that. He was a fucking bastard. How the fuck had he hurt her like that, and so easily? She didn't deserve those words that day. She deserved only the best, and he would never be able to give that to her. He would never be good enough for her. 

He felt so pathetic. Malfoys weren't supposed to feel or be pathetic. His father would be disgusted. He could practically hear his words. Being pathetic and weak didn't make Malfoys kings among peasants. Strength and ruthlessness did. 

He got to the Slytherin common room quickly. Making his way through the castle, rushing away from her after his humiliating actions. He didn't want to see the reaction on her face, just like he had that day in Hogsmeade. The common room was warm that day. He wanted to go to his dorm and go to fucking sleep. But he couldn't he promised fucking Theodore he would hang out with them.

He got to the black loveseat Theodore was sitting on, across from them Blaise and Pansy were sitting together. He plopped down lazily by Theodore, putting his feet up on the coffee table. Allowing himself to forget about his manners and what was the correct way to act around them.

Theo’s tie was slightly undone, his shirt untucked, he was sitting lazily as well, his own feet on the table. Across from them Blaise resembled Theo, shirt untucked, tie loose. Pansy however looked like she just got ready, everything still perfectly in place. She never let herself look like a mess. Theo and Blaise were already drinking firewhiskey. Draco took the cup offered to him by Theo. He shouldn't drink but he found himself wanting it, especially after his stupid actions today.

Pansy was the first to speak, her voice just as high pitched and annoying to him as ever. But she was his friend, so he didn't let it bother him. “Granger hasn't been sitting with us at lunch much lately.” She spoke, looking directly at him.

Draco rolled his eyes and shrugged “Not our business what she does.”

Theo smirked, “Right you are Pansy.” He said ignoring Draco entirely. “Poor Granger is sitting all alone at the Gryffindor table.”

Pansy nodded her head “Oh yes, all because that Rita Skeeter article about her and Draco's date.”

Draco sighed leaning back into the loveseat. “It wasn't a fucking date.”

Theo smirked “But you ditched Blaise and I in ancient runes to go sit with her.”

Draco didn't respond to that for a second, taking a long sip from the cup of firewhiskey, before he spoke, “That's because she and I are partners for our project, or did you forget?”

Pansy laughed, leaning back into Blaise. “Draco you don't have to pretend you're not into her! You have been for years. You're so obvious, it's not like you're exactly slick. It's not a big deal now that the war is over. Nobody cares if you like a muggleborn. I mean I doubt your parents would even care, considering Lyra.”

Draco lost all sense of joking at the mention of Lyra. He hated that Pansy so casually brought her up, knowing how dangerous it could be for his family. He hated that Pansy even knew about her, his mother should never have said anything. “Shut your fucking mouth, Pansy.” He spat.

Blaise, ever the defender of his precious Pansy stood up “Hey, don't talk to Pansy like that. She wasn't trying to piss you off.”

Draco rolled his eyes and stayed silent. It wasn't worth the effort of talking to them most of the time. The conversation shifted to talk about the Slytherin quidditch team this year. He didn't miss the boy so subtle hints about the team not having a decent seeker. He didn't care if they didn't have a seeker he sure as fuck was not about to join the team. Anyways he was too large now, he wouldn't be as fast as he used to be. Not to mention the fact it would be entirely too much effort. It would take away from the energy he barely had to make it through the day. 

He only half listened to his friends as they talked. They acted like everything was normal. Maybe it was to them, they never liked Crabbe and Goyle like he did. They didn't talk to the two of them a lot when they were here. He couldn't blame them for that. Crabbe and Goyle weren't exactly the best or smartest conversationalist, but they were his friends. They had been for years, even before Hogwarts. They had always been good to him, loyal to him. Maybe even to a fault. They had done anything Draco said back in their time at school together. It didn't feel right being here without them. It didn't feel right that Crabbe was dead and, in the ground, forever eighteen. It didn't feel right that Goyle was so hurt that he refused to come back to school that year, hell he didn't even like being around Draco anymore. Which worked for him, being around Goyle did nothing but remind him that Crabbe was currently rotting away. Even if Theodore was his best friend and always had been, they had been so important to him too.

Some days Draco was actually jealous of Crabbe. Things would be so much easier if he died. It would take everything away. He wished he would just get the strength and do it. What was the point of living his life when he felt numb most of the time? He rarely felt anything but numb, or sad. The only times he felt even halfway normal was when she was around. He wished he would just end it. But he was a coward. He was scared to do it. He was scared to leave his mother and Lyra behind. They'd be fine. Draco had inherited everything when his father went to Azkaban and Draco would make sure they got everything if he ever got the courage to end it all. It's not like anybody other than his mother and Lyra would even miss him, would even really care. His father wouldn't care, he had his own problems, anyways by then his father might not even remember him, the dementor’s kiss would take away his memories and feelings about everyone. His friends would act sad, he was sure, but they wouldn't be surprised. They had their own lives; they would move on easily. Lyra was only five, she would forget him in time. She wouldn't even realize what was happening, she didn't understand death. He would just become a story she heard about as she got older. His mother was the one he worried about. She wouldn't get over it, she wouldn't move on. He hated thinking about that, she would be alone to raise Lyra. He didn't want to leave his mother to do that. She deserved better. Maybe that was why he didn't do it yet, maybe that was why he hesitated as he had been doing.

He tried to stop thinking of that and listen to his friends. Theodore was telling a lively story about a muggle movie he saw. Draco didn't understand him. Theodore had almost an obsession with muggle things. Draco had never seen a muggle film, other than the one Theodore showed them all, of the couple fucking. However, he knew that wasn't the normal kind of muggle movie. Even in their depraved world it wasn't the kind of thing everyone watched.

Draco only stayed for a few minutes before he finished his cup of firewhiskey and made his way to his dorm. He collapsed in his bed and grabbed his book. Hogwarts: A History. He had read it before, the summer before his first year at Hogwarts. He was so excited to go to the place his father often told him about. He read the book twice that summer, trying to learn everything he could about the school. He was disappointed to find out none of his friends had read the book, when he tried talking to them about it. They seemed annoyed with him that year as he would spout facts about Hogwarts he learned from the book. He stopped that all together by second year. He only started rereading it because of her. He had seen her with the book multiple times over the years. It was a coincidence that she happened to be reading it at the same time as him. A coincidence that helped him greatly, giving him an opening into talking to her today.

He focused on the text in front of him, reading about the enchanted ceiling in the great hall, about the enchantments in the bathrooms. He let himself get lost in the book, reading page after page. He decided he wasn't going to let himself think about her that night. He wasn't going to let himself stroke his cock to thoughts of her. He had definitely scared her away today and he had to punish himself for his stupid actions.

He got lost in the book until the door to the dormitory opened and Theo staggered in. He had obviously had far too much firewhiskey. Theo went to his bed and collapsed. His bed was right next to Draco's and always had been. They picked beds right next to each other that first night of their first year. They had spent hours in that room talking, sometimes with all the guys, the two of them, Blaise, Crabbe, and Goyle. They would laugh and tell stories. Other times it was just he and Theodore, whispering to each other at night, trying to be quiet as the others slept. At times it was hard to hear each other over Goyle's thunderous snoring. After years of sleeping to the snoring, at times it was hard to fall asleep without it.

Theodore this night was smirking up at the top of his four-poster bed. He was very drunk and only spoke one sentence before he passed out. “I think I'm in love with Luna Lovegood.”

Chapter Text

October 10th, 1998, again, 76 days until December 25th.

A crush was nothing new to Hermione. Her first crush ever had been on Fred Weasley, it hadn't been expected. She remembered vividly the day she began to like Fred. It had been the summer right before fourth year. She had come to stay at the burrow after the Weasley family got back from Egypt, she stayed to go to the quidditch world cup with them and she stayed for the rest of the summer. Before that summer she had never seen Fred as anything other than a troublemaker. However something has changed about him that summer, he had grown into his looks, no longer scrawny but burly. She remembered thinking that even though they were supposed to be identical, Fred was the better looking twin. Fred also spent more time with her that summer, making her laugh and talking to her. She felt ridiculous having such a large crush on him when he only saw her as a girl. 

Her next crush was soon after, Viktor Krum. She hadn't even noticed him at first, not like the other girls had. She noticed him as he began to hang around her. He would often come to the library to get away from his fan club, and she was always there. He began to sit at the same table as her and just watch her read. Her feelings for Fred vanished as soon as Viktor asked her on their first date. From that point on Viktor was it for her. But they hadn't been met to last and at the end of the year he had to leave. Although they wrote to each other often after he left, it wasn't the same.

Ron was different entirely from Fred and Viktor. Her feelings for him had always been flighty, coming and going. She was never sure where she stood with him nor him with her. When they had finally got together after years of mixed signals and feelings, it didn't feel right to her. Not that Hermione was an expert in love. Quite the opposite actually, she only had a short lived romance with Viktor Krum, and no real experience afterwards. But she knew she was supposed to feel butterflies and all that, with Ron she felt nothing. She had only stuck it out for those few months for him, she didn't want to hurt him.

However, having a fucking crush on Draco Malfoy was another thing entirely. She had known him since they were eleven and she had never felt anything like this for him before. She had never even really considered him all that attractive, until this year. Not even this year, the first time she lived this she hadn't noticed how handsome he had become. He was just there, nothing to her. But now she couldn't stop thinking about him, looking at him when she had the chance. How had she not realized he was probably the best looking guy in the whole school? No other girls seemed to notice either. Or maybe they did but didn't care. The stigma around him was horrible. Nobody wanted to be associated with him, he was an ex death eater. He was the one who aided in the death of Dumbledore. No, none of the other girls at school even looked at him like she did. They looked at him with contempt and hatred. 

She felt completely stupid. She couldn't like him. Narcissa Malfoy had sent her back in time to stop him from killing himself, not so she could have goo goo eyes for him. Time was slipping away and quickly; she didn't have much time left to keep him alive. She had to focus on that, not on a stupid crush she might have had on him. 

She was positive he didn't like her like that anyways. She was a filthy mudblood to him, someone he wouldn't dream of touching. But he had touched her, she could still practically feel his hand caressing his face so softly. A softness she hadn't known Malfoy to be capable of. 

He had been completely avoiding her since that day in the courtyard. He wouldn't even look at her now. He sat far from her in classes, he even got there later than her to make sure he could sit away from her. The two times she joined Theodore for meals at the Slytherin table Malfoy had immediately gotten up and left without saying a word. He hadn't been going to the library; she knew it as she waited there for him everyday day after day. He was acting like she was a plague. He regretted touching her, he regretted being kind to her. It didn't take a genius to figure that out. She had even asked him if he wanted to work on their project, which led to him only shrugging and saying he was too busy. She knew he wasn't busy. Malfoy was never busy. He didn't have friends he spent his time with, he wasn't in any clubs or even on the Slytherin quidditch team anymore. All he did with his time was read. Not that she could fault him for that. She spent her free time doing the same thing.

It was Saturday, Malfoy wasn't in the library like he usually was on the weekends. She knew better than to look for him like she had done last time. He was definitely hiding away in the dungeons, where he knew she couldn't go. He was likely in his dorm room, lounging in his bed reading all weekend. Or maybe he was in the Slytherin common room lounging on a couch and reading. It didn't truly matter which, she couldn't get to him. 

She had encouraged Theodore at breakfast to talk to Malfoy and get him to come out of the dungeons, but Theodore was too busy playing his waffles, building a house with them, to pay attention. She had kept pressing him, getting annoyed as he built a door and everything, until finally he responded to her about it, with a nonchalant attitude. His exact words had been “He'll emerge when he's ready.”

She had spent most of her day so far in the library, sitting at their table as she worked on her essay for potions class. She was hoping he would show up but by seven in the evening she had given up all hope. He was not going to make an appearance today. She played with the edge of her black sweater; it was the weekend, so she didn't have to wear her uniform. Instead, she was in a knitted sweater, and the black leggings her mother had gotten her. Her mother had been a fan of leggings, considering Jane Fonda was her mother's personal heroine and wore them. Hermione liked them because they were comfortable, more comfortable than her jeans mostly. 

She was packing up to leave with a different Slytherin who walked to her table. Not Malfoy, to her annoyance it was Theodore. Hermione glared at him “Don't you have another waffle house to make?”

Theodore rolled his eyes “No, I only make those on Saturday mornings. It makes the waffles taste so much better.”

Hermione kept putting her books and study materials in her bag “What do you want Theodore?” She asked in an off-putting tone, hoping he'd leave her alone.

He chuckled, running a hand through his messy brown curls. “My my you're in a rotten mood today.”

“No kidding.” She dryly replied. “You're not being helpful at all. It's like you're not taking this whole thing seriously. Like it's a game to you, it's not a game. Malfoy's life is not a game.” 

He stopped chuckling, his hand dropping to his side. “I don't think it's a joke, not at all actually. I am taking it seriously. I'm just not as uptight as you. For your information I came here tonight to get you, for something important.”

She sighed; she didn't want to go anywhere with him. It was probably a ruse to get her to get Luna to hang out with him. Theodore was always wanting to be around the blonde Ravenclaw girl, but Luna was flighty. Nobody ever knew what she was going to do. “For what? I'm not going to go find Luna for you. You can do that-”

Theodore cut her off rudely. “No. I don't want you to get Luna. I came to bring you down to the Slytherin common room.”

Hermione froze and looked up at him. “I can't go there, I'm in Gryffindor.”

He smirked mischievously “Actually if you read the rules, you'll find there's no rule against a student from visiting another house's common room, you just can't enter on your own. So, for you to enter the Slytherin common room, a Slytherin would have to let you in, so I came to let you in.”

Hermione shook her head “But… why?” She asked. 

“Well for one it's Pansy's birthday; she told me to get you. She's the only girl in our group and she wants you there. Merlin knows why. Also, Draco is there, he never misses birthdays.” Theodore said casually. 

She had to think for a second. “I um... I don't have a gift for her.”

“Don't worry about it Granger. Just come on.”

She didn't listen to him and instead grabbed her beaded bag that she had carried everywhere with her since over a year ago, when her, Harry, and Ron had, had to go on the run. She still kept it constantly packed with just about anything. She rummaged around until she found a box of sweets from Honeydukes and a book on beauty spells and potions. She was sure Pansy would like that, Pansy always made sure she looked perfect and so beautiful. Hermione did a quick charm to wrap the two items, so she wouldn't show up empty handed. After she was done, she let Theodore lead the way.

As they made their way down to the dungeons, she ignored Theodore's endless chatter. She was actually excited to see the Slytherin common room. She had missed out on it during second year when Harry and Ron had gone down. They had described it as a dark and cold place. She never let go of the disappointment of seeing it for herself.

She wasn't even sure where the entrance was to the common room, she knew it was in the dungeons, but she wasn't sure the exact location. Theodore brought them to what looked like just a wall, but as he, a Slytherin approached a metal snake that was just trim moments ago raised up, creating and revealing the door. Theodore spoke something quietly, she didn't hear it but it sounded like Latin, and the door swung open. Theodore turned back and smirked before gesturing for her to follow him as he walked into the common room.

The common room was not what she had expected. It was so much better, the dark greens were warm and inviting, the furniture, while it looked more expensive that the ones in the Gryffindor tower, looked just as cozy and inviting. The fireplace that was central to the room was ignited and roaring. Making the room warm, the walls were covered with bookshelves, stocked with many books and magical trinkets. 

However, the bookshelves, while stunning, weren't her favorite part. Her favorite thing in the common room was the two large windows, one on each side, going around the corner of the room. The windows weren't showing the sunshine and the grounds of the school as the windows in the Gryffindor tower. These windows showed the lake, underneath the lake. She had almost forgotten they were underground. Yet through the window you could see the water, the fish.

Next to her Theodore chuckled and quietly said, “Sometimes you can even see merpeople, and if you're really lucky the giant squid will swim but. One time he even stuck himself to a window in fourth year.”

Hermione stared out the window trying to get a glimpse of either the merpeople or the giant squid but neither appeared. Although t was dark outside, making the lake even darker, she wouldn't have been able to easily see anything that wasn't within five feet out of the window.

She was pulled away, literally by Theodore as he dragged her over to a few couches. She looked over and saw Pansy and Blaise sitting together on one couch. She knew him right away, even from behind. Malfoy wasn't facing her or Theodore, sitting alone across from Pansy and Blaise, his blonde hair was unmistakably his. The second her and Theodore moved so they were in his eye line she felt his eyes on her. She didn't look at him, not yet. She was too nervous, he would probably be upset she was down there, in his territory.

Instead, she nicely smiled at Pansy, the girl who had been so cruel to Hermione for years. “Happy birthday.” She said, trying to sound excited. 

Pansy to Hermione's surprise smiled nicely and moved over, pushing Blaise over so he was on the end of the couch, making room for one more. “Thank you. Come, sit with me.”

It took Hermione a few seconds before she moved and hesitantly sat by the Slytherin girl. She wasn't sure why Pansy even wanted her there. They certainly weren't friends. Sure, Pansy said a few words to her every time Hermione sat with Theodore, and she wasn't rude, not anymore like she had been. But they weren't friends.

She let herself look across from her, seven feet away at the other couch Theodore was more sitting with Malfoy. Malfoy, who was still looking at her, no not looking, he was staring at her with a blank expression. He didn't look away, not even as their eyes locked in each other. Not even when she looked away, she could still feel his eyes on her. He didn't look surprised. Most likely he had already known she was coming.

Pansy quietly said to her “I’m glad you were able to join us, without you I’d be the only girl.”

Hermione nodded and quietly said “Oh I got you something.” She pulled out the gist from er bag and handed them to Pansy.

The raven haired girl smiled and unwrapped the gifts. She was excited for the sweets saying they were one of her favorites, upon unwrapping the book Pansy laughed “Of course you’d give people books as a gift. You’re just like Draco; he got me a book on the history of Dragons. At least I’ll read the one you got me.”

Malfoy loudly said “You should read the one I got you as well. It's actually a very interesting read, Pansy. It would do you some good to learn something for a change.”

Pansy rolled her eyes “Whatever, Malfoy.” She turned back to Hermione and said “I apologize if it was weird for me to invite you. I just don't really have any female friends and thought it would be nice to have you here.”

Hermione understood what she met. Hermione had never really had many female friends herself, not that she didn't want to. She desperately had. But she had never fit in with Lavender or Parvati, they ignored her most of the time in their dorm. Ginny was somewhat of her friend, but Ginny was always more interested in Harry and getting close to him rather than having a solid friendship with Hermione. Her only two friends for the longest time were just Ron and Harry, being friends with boys was different. She never really fit in well with them, they didn't understand everything she was going through. It wasn't their fault, but she had always craved a true female friendship. 

Theodore faked gagged and said, “If you two are done with your sickeningly sweet moment, let's get the party started.” With that Theodore did some impressive nonverbal magic, conjuring firewhiskey and five glasses, pouring the firewhiskey in each glass.

Hermione wanted to refuse the offered firewhiskey after it was offered but for whatever reason she didn’t, she accepted it. She had only had firewhiskey a few times in the past, at a few parties in the Gryffindor common room. It was always strong for her and burned too much as it went down for her liking. She preferred butterbeer immensely to firewhiskey. She only took a small sip to start, it burned as she expected as it went down. To her surprise as she looked around everyone had drunken theirs in one swig, everyone but her. Even Malfoy who was still staring at her, despite the fact that he had not spoken a word to anyone since she had gotten there. 

Pansy laughed and insisted “Come on Granger, it's my birthday! Finish that.”

Hermione wasn't usually one to give into peer pressure, she had prided herself on that. She was her own person. But down here in the dungeons she was out of her element, out of her comfort zone already. Not to mention a part of her was tired of being the good Hermione who wouldn't get drunk. She wanted to let loose for a change, so she listened to Pansy and drank the rest in one swig, earning an applause from Theodore, Pansy and even Blaise. 

Her eyes went over to Malfoy, who was now smirking at her, his tongue running over his bottom lip as he looked at her. Gods she wanted those lips on hers so badly. That tongue in her mouth, on her skin.

Theodore wasn't playing around as he got everyone another refill, Hermione took it without hesitation this time. This time instead of waiting she followed suit with everyone else and drank it in one swig. She could already feel the effects. Her body warmed; she felt lighter in a way. 

Theodore began to tell everyone about his plan to capture the giant squid to become famous. This continued for a while, Theodore telling them all outlandish stories and they all kept drinking. Letting Theodore entertain them. He was good at this, she found. He could make everyone laugh along with his jokes, as she drank more and more, she found herself laughing more at his stories and for a change finding him much less annoying than ever before. 

Pansy and Blaise had disappeared after his fourth story, Theodore joked when she looked for them. “They won’t be back for a long time. They went to fuck.”

For some reason this made her laugh, she didn't know if it was the blunt way Theodore had said it, or if it was the six or maybe seven shots of firewhiskey she had had that made it so funny. Malfoy still hadn't said anything to her, he had laughed along with them as he told stories, but he didn’t say a word the whole time. Nearly right after Pansy and Blaise’s departure Malfoy stood up and sat by her, right next to her, where Pansy had been. He was leaning back into the couch, a smile on his face as he looked at her. He just stared at her, not looking away or speaking to her. He was looking at her in that way. The way Ron used to look at her, the way Viktor had looked at her. She knew that look. 

Theodore smiled “Let's play a game! Let's play twenty questions, we each get to ask each other questions and when you answer you have to be honest.”

She nodded her head, agreeing, it was better than doing nothing. 

Malfoy spoke then. He went first without even asking if it was okay with anyone. “Granger, what’s your favorite color?”

Hermione smiled and answered immediately, leaning back and looking into his beautiful eyes. “Grey.” She wasn't sure why she had said that. It wasn't her favorite color. Not usually. Her favorite color had always been pink, no matter how cliche it was. She had loved the color since she was child. “Wait. No. Pink. Pink is my favorite.” She insisted before turning to Theodore “Theodore, what’s your favorite class?”

Theodore rolled his eyes “What a boring fucking question Granger. Arithmancy is my favorite. Draco, blondes or brunettes?”

Malfoy’s answer was immediate, his eyes still on her “Brunettes. Definitely brunettes. Theodore blondes or brunettes?”

Theodore smirked and replied instantly “Blondes. Granger, who was your first kiss?”

Hermione blushed and quietly said “Viktor Krum.” Malfoy suddenly looked away from her, frowning at the wall. She ignored him and asked Theodore “Theo, what’s your type?’

Theodore laughed lowly and replied with two words, “Luna Lovegood. Draco, how much money do you really have?”

Malfoy shrugged casually; his eyes still trained on the wall. “I don't fucking know. A lot. More than I can keep track of. Granger, do you still have feelings for Weasel?”

She shook her head without having to think “No. Malfoy, what's your favorite color?” She asked, mirroring her first question.

He turned back to her now, looking at her again, his eyes on her face as he quietly replied “Brown. What’s your favorite class?” He asked her.

“Ancient runes.” She replied to him, her eyes locked with his “What’s your favorite class?” 

Malfoy replied immediately “Astronomy. What’s your favorite book?”

She smiled “ The Full and Complete History of Magic in the Western World. What’s yours?” She realized the two of them had all but been ignoring Theodore in the game, only asking each other questions but she didn't care. She wanted to know everything about Malfoy, and he was being so open with her after days of ignoring her. 

Malfoy chuckled, his eyes never leaving her “ Dragons: The Story of the Most Magnificent Beasts. What’s your favorite fiction book”

She chuckled and answered quickly, “ Little Women.” The first novel she had ever read, at her mother's suggestion. “What's your favorite fiction book?”

Malfoy smiled at her. “ The Odyssey. What do you want to do after we're done with school? Work for the ministry?”

She shook her head “God no. I don't know about work, I'm not there yet. Maybe I’ll travel and see everything there is to see. What do you want to do after we're done with school?”

“Yeah, I think I'll travel too. Why not the ministry?”

She laughed and shrugged “I don't know. For the longest time it was all I ever wanted but after everything, after being on the run. Hunting horcruxes for months, fighting dark wizards. I don’t think I could ever just go to the ministry and become a paper pusher. It would be dreadfully dull. It's not who I am anymore.”

“If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?”

Hermione took a second before replying. “Norway. Where would you go?”

He seemed to answer without thinking “Anywhere but here. Why Norway?”

“Well for one to see the northern lights, they also have a very interesting magical history there, I mean did you know lots of the Vikings from Norway were wizards? Not to mention they are one of the only places with a large population of unicorns, and they have a sea serpent that exists nowhere else in the world.” 

He nodded his head and smiled at her “Who is your favorite person in the world?”

She didn't need to think “Harry. He was my first ever real friend, sometimes I feel like he's always been my only friend. Who’s your favorite person in the world?”

He spoke quickly “Lyra.”  He looked like he regretted saying it, like he wasn’t supposed to say her name. But he had been drinking like the rest of them, she knew she was at least buzzed if not drunk and he likely was as well.

Before he could take it back, she asked him “Who’s Lyra?”

He sat there silently for a few seconds, looking away from her, he looked around the common room. It was empty, other than her, Malfoy and Theodore, who was still there with them. He answered in a quiet voice “Lyra is my sister.”

Hermione froze. His sister? How could that be? There was only one Malfoy heir everyone knew that. It was a solid fact. 

She wasn’t expecting anymore from him, but to his credit he kept talking. Maybe it was the alcohol or something else. She wasn't sure. 

“Lyra is my half sister.” He corrected himself. “She has a different father.”

She was silent as she processed the information for a few seconds before she asked him “What? How? Your parents are still together, their still married I mean-”

“It happened in November of our second year here. !992. My mother…. She um. God. She was out in London, muggle London. She was Christmas shopping; she was fucking buying gifts for me that day. She stayed out late that day. I’m not sure how late but it was dark when she was walking back to apparition point, she could apparate in the middle of downtown muggle London, she would have been seen. I don’t know the details; it's not like they told me all the details and I don't want to know. But there was a man, a muggle man who I guess had seen her earlier that day, he thought she was beautiful. So beautiful that he propositioned her, she said no, naturally. I guess this man couldn’t take no for an answer. He followed her until she was walking alone by some dark alley. He grabbed her and dragged her into the alley where he-he… he raped her. I don't know why she didn't fight back or use magic. I reckon she was too scared and froze up. He brutalized her and left her there bleeding out.”

Hermione’s heart dropped as she heard the story. She couldn't react. She just sat there and listened as he continued. 

“When she didn’t come home my father was worried, thankfully he went out looking for her, and he found her. Laying there, crying, beaten, and bleeding. He took her home and took care of her. Mother refused to let him take her to St. Mungos or to call the aurors. Our family already did not have the best reputation, and she thought it would make it worse. He and the elves worked together, and they nursed her back to health. Father was furious. He spent the next month tracking the guy and when he found him. Well, I’m sure you’ve read the papers. I still remember hearing that man screaming. He was there for part of the Christmas holiday that year. I didn’t feel bad for him, not after what he did to my mother. He deserved everything my father did to him and more. The muggle man died after a few weeks and we thought it was all over, something in the past. Mother didn’t realize she was pregnant until January.”

Hermione took a deep breath processing everything she had heard. Lucius Malfoy had not tortured a random muggle; it wasn't just an act of muggle hate like the papers made it out to be. The man had raped Narcissa and left her to die. 

Malfoy actually cracked a smile “Then, Lyra happened. She was born in August 1993. Mother kept the pregnancy she had wanted another baby for the longest time but had trouble conceiving for years. She called Lyra her miracle. My father on the other hand was not thrilled about it, he had wanted mother to terminate the pregnancy. Lyra was born on the hottest day of that summer; God she was so beautiful from the moment she was born. Even my father, who hadn’t wanted her, fell in love with her the moment he held her. I think my father loves Lyra more than he loves anything else, even my mother. He loves being her father. I loved her right away as well; there's a bond I didn't even know could exist between siblings. She's my baby sister; I would literally do anything for her.”

Hermione quietly asked “Why doesn’t anyone know about her? Why not lie and say she was Lucius’s and your mother’s?”

Malfoy shook his head “No. Lyra is a half blood. Not that any of us cared. After Lyra even my father didn't care about blood purity. He never looked down on her for that. But the dark lord. He came back and we could risk him finding out the truth. He wasn't above killing children. Father lied to the dark lord, saying Lyra was a cousin staying with us temporarily. The dark lord hardly cared or noticed her.”

Malfoy stood up to leave, likely regretting saying everything. “I trust you to keep your mother shut about this Granger.”

He didn't say anything else even when she called after him, he rushed off going in the direction she assumed led to the boy's dormitory. 

Chapter Text

October 10th, 1998, again, 76 days until December 25th.

Hermione must have been absolutely insane, or maybe she was drunk, perhaps both? She wasn’t sure which. She should have let him go, let him go to bed and sleep it off. She herself needed time to process what she had just heard and get some well needed rest. She needed to sleep off the firewhiskey she had consumed, she needed to write down what Malfoy had told her, to make it all make sense. She needed to sober up.

Hermione had never been able to hold her liquor, it wasn’t something she was very talented at. Harry and Ron had always been able to do so. So many times, over the years they had called her a light weight, as she often was able to get buzzed off of butterbeer alone. Firewhiskey was much stronger than butterbeer. She wasn’t used to drinking the hard liquor anyways. She remembered the first time she had firewhiskey, fourth year, with Harry after the first task in the Goblet of Fire. They were celebrating him living together, both of them relieved. Her, Harry, Ron, and the twins (who had been the ones to steal the bottle for them.) She had gotten absolutely drunk that night, so much so she had thrown up on poor George’s shoes. The drunkest she had ever been before had been the night of the events of Malfoy Manor. Harry and Ron had sat up with her, Ron had been so good to her then. Changing the bandages of her arm hourly, as the bleeding wasn’t slowing down, he had given blood replenishing potion after potion. The three of them drank so much that night. She had probably had an entire bottle of firewhiskey herself. Trying to numb the pain that took over her entire body. She had cried and screamed that night. She knew it was the only time she had to be upset about it. She had to spend the next days, and weeks fighting. She gave herself that one night before snapping back into the survival mode she had been living in. 

She wasn't even close to as drunk as she had been that night. She wasn’t even sure if she was truly drunk, maybe buzzed? She had no idea what possessed her, but she found her body moving with its own volition without her approval. She found herself following Malfoy, stopping him right before he got to the door that would lead him away by wrapping her hand around his large arm.

She half expected him to recoil away from her touch, for him to pull away from her and yell at her for having the nerve to touch a pureblood as himself, but he didn't. He stood still with his head and eyes moving down to look at his arm where they were connected, he just stared at the place their bodies joined for a second. He quickly moved his gaze to her face before he said in a low and soft, well soft for Malfoy, tone, “What are you doing, Granger?” 

She kept her hand wrapped around his forearm; he was warm. She hadn’t expected him to be so warm. How had she noticed before? He felt so warm and welcoming. His scent was drawing her in more, the mint smell, the smell of clean laundry, his expensive cologne, which she could now pick up hints of pine in, it all drew her in to him. A pull she could not escape. She wanted to bury herself in that scent, she wanted to smell only that for the rest of her existence. She looked up at his face, their eyes meeting again. His eyes were so striking, the grey was unlike any other eyes she had ever seen before in her life. It was so unique; she wasn’t even sure if she knew another person with that shade of eyes. It reminded her of marble almost, like a work of art. How had she never noticed how beautiful his eyes were? She had been right earlier; grey was without a doubt her new favorite color. Pink could take its place in second. “Don’t go, Malfoy. Please don’t go. Stay with me just a little longer.” She nearly begged him.

She hated that she was practically begging him to stay around her. She must have sounded so pathetic in that moment, begging for the presence of a boy that wanted absolutely nothing to do with her, but she was. She hated that at that moment she couldn’t even lie to herself. It had nothing to do with saving his life at that moment. No. It had entirely to do with the fact that she wanted to be around him. She wanted to let herself be drawn further and further into him. To let him consume her in the way she was finding he had a talent for.

His eyes were still locked on hers. His tongue moved out to run against his thin lips. The lips she wanted on hers more than anything. She was sure he tasted like firewhiskey at that moment, and she wanted nothing more than to taste it. Malfoy lowered himself ever so slightly towards her. His eyes moving back and forth as he thought. Uncertainty took over his face and she could immediately tell just how uneasy that made him. 

She didn’t know much about Malfoy, even after watching him for thirty eight days, it didn't make her any closer to discovering who he was, what made him tick. He was still a complete mystery to her. However, she was sure he looked like he was hesitating. She knew he wanted to run from her, especially after sharing what he has shared with her. It hadn’t been easy for him. Malfoy wasn’t the kind of person to just let others in. He preferred to keep everyone away from him, to keep everyone at bay. Maybe it was a way to protect himself from getting hurt. Bad things seemed to happen to those close to him, the horrors his mother had endured at the hands of a muggle, the horrors his family had together endured at the hands of Voldemort and his own Aunt Bellatrix, his father who was now in less than three months going to receive the Dementor’s kiss, Crabbe one of his oldest friends dying. It had to cause him pain to watch those around him suffering, to watch them even die. It would be easier for him to just push everyone away instead of risk being hurt again. She wouldn’t let him push her away, she didn’t want him to push her away.

He ran his tongue on his lips once more, as he contemplated her request, finally he relented and nodded his head “Okay. I’ll stay with you. Not here though.” He said quietly looking around the Slytherin common room they were standing in together. 

Her eyes were still locked on his face, her arm still wrapped around his arm. She nodded her head, agreeing to go with him, without even knowing wherever he intended to take her. Maybe everyone had been wrong about her, dead wrong. She obviously wasn't the brightest witch of her age, following him without question, it made her stupid. From all assumptions she absolutely should not trust Draco Malfoy. She shouldn't let him take her anywhere without her knowing or having a say in where the two of them were headed to. He wasn't the best, nor the safest person for her or anybody for that matter to be around. He had done horrible things in his eighteen years of life. Growing up he had been a bully and an over all bigot, hating those who he viewed as being less than himself. That hatred for others had manifested into him becoming a death eater, into him openly supporting arguably the most evil wizard ever to live. She found herself making excuses for him without his knowledge, or even truly without her own. She shouldn't have been making excuses for him, she didn’t truly know him, not even close. However, she found herself telling herself that his bigotry wasn't truly his fault, it was something that he had been raised believing. being told that muggleborns were beneath him. At least he didn’t openly call her a mudblood any more, in fact he had gotten upset when Ron had said it in the library all those weeks ago. She told herself it wasn’t his fault that he had gotten the dark mark, it was probably a decision made to protect his family. To keep his parents and the baby sister he obviously loved deeply, safe from harm via the dark lord.

She followed him, he didn’t say a word as he turned and began walking the other way, to the exit of the Slytherin common room. Hermione looked around one last time, letting herself take it all in one more time. For all she knew it could easily be the first and final time she saw the Slytherin dungeons, it wasn’t a place she exactly belonged. Neither of them said a word, not when they left the common room, not as they passed the potions classroom and went up the stairs, taking them out of dark and damp dungeons. Hermione couldn't decipher if the silence was either comfortable or uncomfortable. Maybe it wasn't either but rather something in between. They knew each other well enough she thought to not feel the overwhelming need to talk all the time. However, the words from before, only what had been maybe ten or fifteen minutes ago still hung in the air, haunting both of them. The sad, and horrifying story of how his sister, Lyra had come into this world. The story of what his mother had endured. 

The same woman who loved her son so much she had broken the law, sending not one but two people back in time with the unauthorized use of time turners. Something highly illegal, a witch or wizard couldn't just mess with the past, it wasn't something taken lightly. It changed the fabric of their reality to its core. If anyone found out not only Hermine and Theodore would face chargers but Narcissa as well. Something the older witch had to know; she had been willing to risk everything she held dear to save the son she obviously loved deeply. Narcissa loved him with only the kind of love a mother knew was possible, a kind of love Hermione didn't understand or know. How could she? She wasn't a mother; she had never given life to a person. Narcissa loved him more than imaginable.

 It almost made Hermione jealous. Her own mother, who had at one time loved her more than anything didn’t even remember her anymore, her own mother didn't remember the love she had once held for Hermione. It was still her biggest regret, obliviating them, but she had had to. She had to give them up to keep them safe, it had been a deal she had willingly taken.  She had just assumed that she would have been able to undo what she did, only to find out it wasn’t something she could have undone, no matter how many books she read about it. They were lost to her for the rest of her life. She would have to spend more of her life missing them than she had gotten with them. She would never know what it was like to be loved by her mother or father again. It was something she hated even thinking about it, it was too hard to think about it. 

She followed Malfoy silently as they went up a staircase and kept walking down a hallway, then another and another. She wondered if he even knew where he was taking her or if they were just wanderless roaming. She didn't care either way, she found herself wanting to stay around him, even if it was in the slice of them walking together through the castle. 

He seemed to know where they were going, as they stopped at a large satin glass window. The window was brilliant colors of greens, blues, and blacks. The windows art mimicking the lake in so many ways, especially now she had been able to see the lake underneath the water. Malfoy sat on the window seal, and she did the same without hesitating, taking the little space he had left on the window seal for her, his huge body taking over the rest. His huge form towering over her as she sat there. She was desperately trying to act normal, to act unaffected by his large and looming presence over her. She concentrated on the window, watching as condensation brought on by the cold night, dripped down the window. She tried to focus on the path the water was falling rather than his scent, or the way she could feel his eyes on her as he watched her. 

Malfoy talked so quietly she nearly missed his words as he finally broke the silence that had seemed to go on forever. “Can I see it?”

Hermione looked away from the window and the condensation falling on the window. Instead looking at him and his sharp face, confused with his question. “What? See what?” She asked him, not sure what he was referring to.

He took a deep steading breath, like he hated having to explain himself, as if what he wanted to see was so obvious and she was just being clueless. “Your arm. Your scar. I haven't seen it, not really since- well since you got it.”

Hermione felt self conscious. Her arm? The arm that had been maimed by his own aunt in his own ancestral home. It was the main part of her body she was so self conscious about. The scar was ugly and gagged, it wasn’t something pretty or nice to look at. It was a disgrace; one she wished she could have removed. Without thinking, without consulting with herself she found herself replying to his request. “Fine, but only if I can see yours, your dark mark.”

Malfoy raised an eyebrow but he didn’t hesitate, he obviously didn't care if she saw it, after all they both knew it was there, what would be the point in him trying to hide it. Or in him even pretending it didn’t exist. He took his robes off, quickly pulling the black with emerald trim pieces off. Leaving himself in a white button up He undid his silver cufflinks, putting them in his pocket. He rolled up the sleeve slowly, like he didn't want to ruin or wrinkle the shirt unnecessarily. After nearly a minute the white sleeve was up to his elbow rather than his wrist. It was impossible to miss the mark when exposed. It covered his pale forearm, the black a stark contrast to the paleness of his skin.

The skull, with the snake under it in pure black ink stood out. It had been a mark, a tattoo that she had once feared more than anything. She used to fear seeing that same symbol in the sky, marking death and despair of those she loved and cared about. She feared her, Ron, or even more so Harry being caught by someone with that symbol tattooed on their forearm. The dark mark had represented nothing nut pain and agony. However, she didn't feel that when she looked at Malfoy’s mark. He had gotten it at seventeen. An impressive feat for a death eater, others his age with parents and themselves following the dark lord were probably jealous that he had been deemed worthy of taking the horrendous mark instead of themselves. Somehow it didn’t look nearly as frightening on him as it did others, such as his aunt. In fact, it almost looked like it belonged to him, like it had been made just for him. Maybe in another timeline, or life time where Voldemort had not made the mark for his followers, maybe in that life he would have the same thing as merely a tattoo, it looked like it belonged to him. The mark made more sense on him than it had on anybody else she knew that had it.

In fact, she found herself almost admiring it on him, how he had made it look so natural on him. How the mark took up most of his muscular forearm. The veins in his arms slightly popping out around it, the way the skull rested right under his elbow, perfectly placed. Looking at the mark on Malfoy no longer made her fearful of the mark, if anything it made her admire it. She wanted to reach out and gently touch the black ink on his otherwise perfectly marbled skin. She didn't dare touch him. Not again, she had only initiated touch with him that once and it had been more confusing than anything. She would not initiate touch with him again, she had decided. 

She was so distracted looking, admiring his arm that she had forgotten the deal for a second, until he cleared his throat. She peeled her eyes away from his arm slowly. Before meeting his eyes, something she found was turning addictive. He nodded towards her arm quickly, gesturing for her to do as he did and roll up her elbow, showing him her own scar. She was not the kind of person to back out of a deal. She had some kind of decorum the least, so she followed suit. She rolled up the sleeve on his knitted sweater, revealing the ugly scar on her arm. She looked at the window as she felt his eyes on her horrid scar. She couldn't stand to look at the scar herself, she rarely did. It was without a doubt the ugliest thing on her body, it was something she wanted to spend the rest of her life pretending didn't exist. She wanted to pretend that she had never gotten the horrible thing to begin with. 

She couldn't stand to look at his face as he looked at word carved into her skin for the rest of her life. It was shameful. She was sure he was disgusted with how hideous it was. Maybe he got some kick out of it, he had been there when it happened. Maybe he liked that she had it, reminding her of her place in the world, beneath him It would kill her to look up and see him smiling as he looked at it. At the same time, she had to know. The curious part of her the part that always wanted knowledge wanted her to look at his face.

In the end that part of her won, she found herself turning and looking at his face. He wasn't smiling as expected. Rather his face was blank as he stared at the word Mudblood that was carved into her. He must have known she was looking at his face as he quietly said, “I’m so fucking sorry she did this to you.”

Hermione nodded, finding herself holding back tears that she wasn’t even aware of before “I know, it's so ugly.”

Malfoy shook his head quietly saying, “I swear, it's like you don’t fuckin listen to me. Like I said the other day, you’ve never been ugly, Granger. Not one fucking part of you is ugly.”

With that in one swift movement Malfoy did something she would never have expected from him; he brought her forearm up to his lips and planted a kiss to her forearm. His warm lips on the rough scar. She expected it to hurt, but it didn’t. His lips were like a balm to her rough skin on her forearm, soothing it, cooling it. It didn’t hurt, not at all. It sent sparks throughout her entire body; it made her feel things she had never felt before. His lips on her scar made her feel alive, more alive than she had felt in so long.

His lips only remained still for a second, his head moving up and down as he gently peaked kisses up and down her arm, his large hand holding her wrist in place so she couldn't move her arm away. He peppered her forearm in soft kisses. After a few kisses he whispered into her skin “You’re beautiful so fucking beautiful” he kept landing kiss after kiss whispering over and over “So beautiful.”

His lips didn’t seem to be enough for him, only a temporary solution, as his tongue was on her scar. Starting from the bottom of the M and tracing it then the same with the U, he did the same over with each letter in that horrible word. As he traces each letter of her scar, after each letter was complete, he would whisper again “You’re so beautiful.”

He did this three times with the scar. His tongue sending those sparks through her body with every movement, making her lower stomach tighten and twist with nerves and butterflies. That feeling in her core coming to life, something she hadn’t felt in so long. Her underwear had become damp from his actions. 

After he was done with the third time he moved, leaning his forehead against her. They stared into each other's eyes, his brilliantly grey ones on her brown eyes. She felt self conscious about her eyes suddenly, what if he found them plain? They were nowhere as near beautiful as his. Their breath was on each other, she could practically taste the firewhiskey and mints on him. She was sure he was going to lean in, he was going to connect his lips to hers, and she found herself wanting that. She wanted nothing more in the world at that moment than to have Draco Malfoy kiss her. To have him make her forget everything and snog her right then and there.

However, just as quickly as it happened it ended, Paws were padding on the floor making them pull away, without her getting the chance to taste his lips. Mrs. Norris rounded a corner and locked her eyes on them, before scampering off. It was late well after curfew. The wretched cat was no doubt going to get Filch. She quickly stood up and Malfoy did the same. 

She talked quickly, “I have to go. To bed. I don’t want detention.”

Malfoy nodded, agreeing with her, “Yeah, okay. Me neither. I guess I’ll see you later.”

She nodded as well “Yeah, I’ll see you later, Draco.”  As soon as she spoke, she turned on her heels leaving him and going to the warmth of her bed, hoping she wouldn't be caught.

By some miracle she hadn’t been caught, the second she entered her dorm she flopped on her bed, ready to drift off. It took her a minute before her heart sank as she realized she had messed up. She had called him Draco. 

Chapter Text

October 14th, 1998, again, 72 days until December 25th

Hermione was feeling refreshed, well rested, more so than she had felt in months, or possibly longer. She felt more alive than she had since Dumbledore had died. She looked like it too. She noticed it when she got ready for her day. She had color back in her cheeks, the paleness that had taken over her face was replaced with a brilliant blush. Her hair even seemed more alive, it wasn’t as easily tamed, it was wild like it had once been before. She was fine with that, more so than she had ever been before. She left it down that morning, only doing a few spells on it to tame it slightly, letting her curls fall down her back, she rarely did that anymore. She usually put it up rather than dealing with it through the day. 

She was running late that morning, something she was finding she had been doing the last few mornings, ever since Sunday three mornings ago to be exact. She knew exactly why all the changes had come over her. There was only one real explanation. Draco. He had taken over a place in her life, or more like a subconscious place. She hadn’t had a nightmare in the days following Saturday night. Instead, she dreamed of him every night. Not that horrid dream of his body decaying. No, instead, she dreamed of the feelings of his fingers on her skin, or even better she dreamed of the feeling of his mouth on her skin, his tongue on her skin. The way he had used his tongue to trace her scar, the way he whispered nice things to her in that low voice. She dreamed of him over and over again, each night. She actually slept through the night when he was the center of her dreams. She slept more peacefully than she had since Dumbledore had died, she had even woken up late every morning, and she didn't care. She didn’t want to leave her dreams, not when they were so nice. 

Draco had not touched her since that night, not even by accident. In fact, he seemed to purposely not touch her, not brush against her. Something had changed between them though, both of them knew it, she was sure both of them could feel it. Draco now sat with her in every class, willingly. In fact, on the Monday after he had touched her, he sat right next to her that morning in their double block of Potions, and he stayed with her through the day. They walked to lunch together, and they ate lunch together, they sat together in Ancient Runes, he had even walked her to Arithmancy. The next day was the same, he was the one that approached her both times and stayed with her throughout the day. He had even spent the afternoon in the library with her. They didn’t really talk, not much at least. They sat in a comfortable silence for the most part, either taking notes in class, eating, doing homework, or reading their own books. They shared some comments with each other, about classwork, homework, or trivial things. Never anything personal, not like that night in the Slytherin common room. He also made sure not to sit too close to her, never touching her. Like he was afraid to touch her again.

She had a feeling he regretted his actions over the weekend. Maybe he enjoyed her company as an acquaintance or even friend, but at the end of the day she was just a mudblood to him. Someone beneath him, he was drunk that night, as was she, that was why he had done it, she was sure. He probably was disgusted with himself for not only touching her but kissing her, licking her skin. She imagined him scrubbing his mouth out, him trying to get rid of any germs that might have come from the interaction. She had to be fine with this, with just friends. She couldn't have more with him. It wasn't his intention, and after all it had been what she had been after all this time. Just friends. That’s what he needed at the moment, he didn't need or want her in a romantic way. Not the way she wanted him. Friends would have to be enough for her, his life depended on it.  

She felt ridiculous, actually more like pathetic for the way she felt about him. He had been his schoolyard bully for years; he had made her cry so many times from his words and actions. Yet here she was wanting him, more than she had ever wanted a person in her life before. She had never felt this way about anybody before. Not Fred, her first crush, not Viktor who she was sure she should have been with, not even Ron who she felt destined to be with for years. None of those men even came close to what she was feeling for Draco. She had never craved them like she craved him. The way he had touched her, the way he had talked to her, the way he looked at her, it made her feel something indescribable.

 She found looking at him was more interesting than looking at any of them. How had she never noticed in years past? For the longest time she thought boys like Fred and George, Oliver Wood, even Dean Thomas, were handsome. She had never looked at Draco like this before now, she had seen him as a prat. How wrong she had been. Draco wasn’t like any of them in looks. He was better. He was like a piece of art, a masterpiece. How were no other girls ever flocking around him? She had never remembered many girls around him, other than Pansy in years past but it was obvious to her now that there was nothing real between the two of them. Perhaps it had been his personality in the past that driven girls away, he had been so smug and arrogant in years past, he always had made it known he thought himself better than anybody else. He didn’t act like that anymore, at least around her, but the whole ex-death eater thing must have been a turn off for most girls.

Her own feelings for him had changed so quickly, she wasn’t even sure when it started. All she knew was after I had become, it was like she had gone off the deep end. She couldn’t stop herself from feeling the way she did, she couldn't stop herself from thinking about him in the ways she had been. 

After she hurriedly finished getting ready, she went straight to Herbology, skipping breakfast. Breakfast was the one meal her and Draco hadn’t sat together for the last couple days. It had been too awkward for her to just go sit with him. He was always there first and she couldn’t force herself to join him, instead she often sat alone at the Gryffindor table. Ron, Dean, Seamus and even Neville were still no longer talking to her. Their glares and whispers had become more extreme over the last few days. At least Harry and Ginny were not glaring at her. Although neither made an effort to talk to her.

She made her way down from the Gryffindor tower, going outside. It was very cold, and raining outside, she was grateful she had worn her warmer robes today. The nice weather of last week was gone, fall was here, the sunshine days seemed to have left them until the spring. She didn’t mind the cold or the rain. In fact she loved the way the earth smelled from the rain; she loved how the rain seemed to clean everything. Maybe the rain was her favorite weather, even if it sounded ridiculous.

Once outside the walk to the greenhouses was short, she went to the first one, the main one, remembering that's where class was being held today as that's where the best desks were for the subject. They were having a lecture, again. To prepare them for the N.E.W.T.s they would be taking that spring. She silently scolded herself for not taking advantage of the extra time she had by going back in time, she should have dedicated more time to studying for her N.E.W.T.s. Even if she didn't plan on going to the ministry, she knew it was crucial to get good scores.  She was one of the first students there and she took her spot near the front, Draco hadn’t arrived yet. She got out parchment and ink to take notes, only to find she had forgotten ink that day. She silently cursed herself and got out a simple pen instead. No other students really used pens; they weren’t ever used in the wizarding world. 

Draco got to class a few minutes after her, and as he had the last two days, he took the space next to her, rather than sitting with his friends. He didn’t get too close, making sure to leave space between them. She remembered the first day she sat by him in this classroom, how closely he had sat next to her. So, close they were nearly touching, now there was a decent amount of space between them. He still however took up most of the space at the table, his hulking form crowding the space. 

He got his own stuff out, his parchment, his inkwell, which she had noticed two days ago was gold with his initials engraved into it. She found the inkwell absolutely ridiculous and rolled her eyes upon seeing it again. His parchment she had noticed also had his initials in the corner of each, in dark ink. His own stationary. She found it just as ridiculous, at least his quill seemed to be a basic one, the same as everyone else’s. 

He glanced at her and as he did the last few mornings, he greeted her first, acting ever the gentleman. “Good morning, Granger. I hope you had a good night.”

She almost rolled his eyes at his overly polite tone, it didn’t feel right coming from him. She liked his other side better. “Good morning.” She replied nethertheless. She looked at him, their eyes locking on each other. Something else that had happened very often since Saturday night. His grey eyes looked darker than usual, the bags under his eyes darker. He looked like he hadn’t gotten a good rest, but she didn't dare bring it up. It wouldn't feel right, they hadn’t exactly talked much lately.  

He looked away first, glancing at her belongings strewn about her side of the table. He raised an eyebrow at her pen that sat on the table. “Why do you have a stick?” He asked her, his eyes on the pen.

She rolled her eyes “That’s not a stick, when have you ever seen a stick made out of plastic instead of wood.”

Draco stared blankly at her, like she had been speaking a foreign language, his pink tongue ran across his lower lip, dampening his lips before asking. “What the fuck is plastic?”

Hermione halted, was he serious? It took her a second before realizing he was very serious, and as she thought about it, she couldn't actually remember seeing any plastic products in the wizarding world. Not even products such as shampoo or conditioner, it was all in glass. Everything was either made from wood, glass, or metals. Draco had probably never owned anything made of plastic in his life. “It's a material,” She explained “Muggles use it for nearly everything, it's like metal but softer. Like this pen.” As she spoke she grabbed the pen and put it in his large hand letting him inspect it.

He moved it closer to his face, inspecting the pen, looking at it like it might be dangerous. He spun it around in his hand, between his fingers, looking at it from all angles, feeling the new to him plastic material under his fingers.  “But what does it do?”

She gently took it from him, “It's a writing tool, like a quill but it has ink in it.” She brought down the pen to her parchment and showed him, writing her name on the paper. 

His eyes bulged, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. “Does it have unlimited ink? What about the statute of secrecy? I mean it has to be some kind of extension charm to make all the ink in here.”

She had to hold back a laugh at his reaction, “No, these no spell or charm done on these. Their muggle made and used. They make thousands of them, the ink isn't exactly unlimited, it will run out after a bit of use, maybe a hundred pages? See if you look inside there's a small tube that holds the ink.” 

She handed it back to him and he held it closely to his face, looking at the ink inside. He spent the next minute studying the pen. “Merlin, how did a muggle invent this?” He muttered, seeming amazed with the small object. 

She had to hold back another laugh, biting her lip, “Honestly, you should have taken muggle studies. If you had, you would not be so surprised.”

“Muggle studies?” He laughed, putting her pen down. “I would rather be attacked by another hippogriff than sit and listen to such nonsense. I have no interest in muggles or what they do.”

Hermione rolled her eyes and playfully said “Muggles aren't that bad, I mean look you like the pen. Maybe you’d like other muggle things.”

He shook his head “I wouldn’t. I don't even like the pen. It's stupid, and muggle made. Anything they make is far inferior to anything that's wizard made. Muggles are truly worthless to me.”

She found herself rolling her eyes again, getting annoyed with him “You can't mean that, I mean-”

 He cut her off, glaring at her as he did so, saying in a now annoyed tone “They are vile and dangerous creatures. They should all be put down like the dogs they are.”

She rolled her eyes at this, even after everything they had been through, he still had a hatred of muggles. Nothing about him had really changed. He still thought himself above others. That must have been how he saw her, she was a muggleborn after all, her parents were muggles. Or as he put it, a dog that needed to be put down. She had a sinking feeling in her stomach. How could she ever have let herself be diluted enough to think he had changed? How could she ever let herself feel something for him? He was still the same bigoted person he had always been. Maybe he was better at hiding it now than he had before. He did have the mark on his arm that proved who he really was, what he had always believed. She ignored him for the rest of class, which wasn’t hard. Mercifully Professor Sprout came in the class and began her lecture, Draco and herself took notes silently. 

She rushed out of class the second it ended, she didn't even pack up, instead she carried her belongings with her. She definitely did not wait for Draco, not even when he gave her a quizzical look. She tried to be as late as possible to History of Magic, giving herself time to walk around the castle for a minute and calm herself down. She took up enough time to make sure he would get their first so she wouldn't have to sit by him. 

She had no such luck, Draco was standing there, outside of the classroom, waiting for her. Staring at her as she walked to the classroom. He followed closely behind her, getting closer than he had in days. She tried not to let it affect her as she scanned the room that was to her dismay rather empty, not many students still took the subject up to their seventh year. All of the desks in the front were taken, leaving space in the middle and back, lots of seats but none singularly alone, between two other students. No matter where she sat Draco would be able to sit next to her. 

She took a seat slowly; she didn't look at him, but she could feel him and hear him getting settled next to her. She knew she was likely over reacting, what had she expected from him to begin with anyways? Draco had always been this kind of person, the person that thought himself better than everyone. It had just been shocking to hear him say it out right, especially now, after the war, after them slowly becoming friends. 

She tried to pay attention to class but it was hard, almost impossible. She felt his eyes on her, she saw in her peripheral vision that was not taking notes as he usually did. He was staring at her face, watching her intently. His grey eyes on her face, searching. 

Halfway through class he leaned over and whispered in her ear, she could feel his hot breath on her neck, his lips so close to her ear. “Are you seriously mad at me?”

It took so much inside of her not to react, not to let herself get the shivers or be distracted by him. Not by his voice, or by the way he whispered in her ear, not by the way he smelled so good and how that scent surrounded her. She told herself at this moment she didn’t want anything to do with him. It wouldn't last forever, it couldn't. No matter how she felt personally at the moment she still had a job and had a duty to save his life. She couldn’t ignore him forever, but at this moment, just right now she had to. She ignored him, not letting him get to her.

When she didn’t reply he whispered again “You’re being fucking ridiculous. You know I wasn’t talking about you.”

Again, she didn’t respond, she kept her eyes straight and on the board. No, she didn’t know that he wasn't talking about her. Even if he didn’t mean her he was referring to her family, her parents. The parents she already hated thinking about, she hated remembering them, remembering that they didn't remember her and never would. It hurt to think he would view them as vile as he put it.

He huffed out sounding annoyed he whispered one more thing to her, “Whatever, it's not like you're my fucking girlfriend, you’re not even my friend. You’re just a pathetic girl who keeps following me around and forcing her friendship on me. I don’t care if you have your panties in a bunch over nothing.” Without another word he leaned back in his seat, looking away from her and up at the ceiling instead. He stayed that way for the rest of the class. He sat there, his large body dwarfing the small chair he sat in, his arms behind his head, his back against the chair as he leaned back looking at the ceiling like he didn't have a care in the world.

She had to stop herself from crying or reacting to his words. He was right, he obviously didn’t view her as a friend, she wasn't special to him. Not in the way he was to her. As he had said she was just a pathetic girl who kept hanging around him.

Class took a long time, as history of magic often seemed to do, when it was over she packed up her belongings this time. It didn’t matter as Draco was the one who stormed off this time, leaving the classroom without giving her a second glance, which was just fine with her, she needed time. Maybe a day or two without him. To get her feelings aligned. 

She left the classroom a good minute after him, relieved that he was nowhere to be found, she went to lunch and ate alone. She decided to skip Ancient Runes that afternoon, not wanting to see him again. Instead, she went to the library. She decided she would not be seeing him for the rest of that day.

Draco didn’t want her around him, that much was very clear to her now. But it didn’t matter to her. His opinion couldn’t matter to her. No matter what he wanted for the next 72 days they were stuck with each other. She made up her mind, she would stop with her silly dreams and fantasies about him. Her stupid crush would end here and now. Once these 72 days were up and he was still alive as of December 26th she was going to be done with him, and out of his life permanently.

Chapter Text

October 17th, 1998.

Things had always come easily to Draco, he had grown up never wanting for anything. If he wanted it, it was his. From the toy brooms he wanted to fly on as a child, to his father buying the entire Slytherin team Nimbus 2001s during his first year on the team. He always had gotten whatever belonging, whatever earthly possession he had ever craved. The summer after he turned sixteen his mother even let him drive a muggle vehicle just to know what it was like. The car was likely still going unused in the Malfoy family’s villa in Italy where it sat since its one and only use. 

He could now buy himself whatever he wanted, he had unlimited access to the Malfoy family vaults. More than that he was in charge of the vaults, he was in charge of his family’s finances. He could go and buy anything that he wanted, money was no object for him. He had diluted himself for years, he told himself that his wealth could make him happy. He knew he didn’t really have friends, not truly. He had people that hung around him because of his family’s power and status. He had told himself over and over again he didn’t need people, not when he had his galleons to keep him warm at night. 

It wasn’t until his sixth year he learned the ugly truth. His money hadn’t meant shit in the face of the dark lord. It wasn’t enough to save him from the dark mark, it hadn’t been enough to end his family’s torment as the dark lord fucking lived at the manor. His money couldn’t save Lyra if the dark lord had found out the truth about her. His money hadn’t been able to save him from Azkaban, and it wasn’t going to be enough to save his father from the dementor’s kiss. His money hadn’t even been enough to save Granger that day in the manor. In those minutes all he wanted was to stop his aunt, to make her pain go away. He had been useless.

He couldn't use his money to buy what he wanted, the only thing he wanted, her. 

His money couldn’t buy him happiness. He didn’t fucking deserve happiness either. He knew better, he had been a horrible pompous asshole his whole life. After the war, right after he got out of Azkaban, he had been so fucking desperate to find a way to cleanse his soul from the wrong things he had done, to cleanse it from the darkness the mark had left on it. At the time he was so sick of being angry and hurt all the time. He was still sick of it. He figured out quickly it wasn’t something he could fucking buy. He had dedicated himself to researching religion, any religion trying to find a way out.

He had been raised in the church, something his mother had insisted on. It had never really stuck though. As a child he hated attending church and often slept during it. When he got home from Azkaban, he researched everything. He learned about karma, which he learned from Hinduism. The idea that your actions affected the cosmic energy was enlightening at the time. He had considered it, until he learned it only affected what they believed his next life cycle after reincarnation. Fuck that. He needed a solution for this life. 

He went back to the bible after some time. He didn’t even really believe it, but he had been so desperate, he dove back in fully. He attended church with his mother before coming back to school, he even fucking prayed to a god he didn’t think was there. It hadn’t worked. His soul wasn't cleansed, he was still so angry all the time, still so hurt. After he wrote his sins down on paper, he realized the truth, he would never be forgiven. He didn’t deserve to be forgiven anyways. Maybe he didn’t even really want that anyways. He deserved to be unhappy.

It hadn’t mattered for those few precious days, when he had been allowed to be close to her, for those precious few minutes he had been allowed to touch her, been allowed to taste her. Before he had fucked it all up.

Nothing had mattered to him, not when he had been able to sit with her, been able to let her consume him completely. Heaven or hell didn’t matter, as far as he was concerned it had been the closest to heaven a heathen like him would ever be given. He wanted to spend the rest of his existence basking in her glory. He wanted to touch her all the time; to feel how soft and smooth her skin was, he wanted to taste her skin again. 

Being with her made everything better, he didn’t think about his father’s upcoming doom, he didn’t notice the dirty looks casted at him, he didn’t think about the heavy responsibilities on his back, he didn’t think of his mother and sister that relied on him, he didn’t remember the things he had done. She took it all away. When she was with him, she was all he could think about, she took up every cell in his brain, every nerve fiber in his brain worked to create only thoughts of her. 

Even when she hadn’t been around him she still had the same effect, he day dreamed of her more than ever before. It hadn’t even been as dirty as in the past. Yes, he still had nasty, filthy thoughts of her, but they had become intertwined with thoughts of making her happy. Making her smile that brilliant smile again, He day dreamed about her brilliant hair, how soft he was sure it had to be, how he wanted to bury his face in those brown curls. 

It was all so stupid- he wasn't good enough for her. He wasn't what she needed, all he ever did was hurt her. He didn't know what was wrong with him. Why the fuck did he always say the stupidest shit to her? 

It wasn't like he had been fucking talking about her. She wasn't like muggles. Not the muggles he knew about. Muggles were bad, dangerous creatures. They would kill him, kill his family and burn them at the stake if they found out about their magic. Muggles had done it before, and they'd surely do it again. Muggle men were vile creatures, they would hurt his mother, his sister. They had already proved that to be true when his mother had been attacked.

Granger wasn't like them; she wasn't even a muggle. He didn't understand why she had gotten so upset when clearly, he hadn't been talking about her. 

To think the whole thing started because of that stupid fucking writing tool with endless ink. He didn't remember what it was called. He had to admit that it had impressed him though. If that existed why did wizards still use quills? It was pointless to use a quill when those things existed and were much more practical. Not that he would ever say that out loud.

Maybe it was better she was gone. At least that's what he told himself as he took another sip of the ridiculously expensive firewhiskey. All she had done was make things worse. She had just come along, without him asking or wanting her around, and made things more complicated. His life was far better without some nosey swot in it. 

He only needed himself. He was the best company he knew. Far better company than some girl that was only going to leave him eventually anyways.

He took a longer sip from the firewhiskey, straight from the bottle. He was alone in his dormitory. Blaise was somewhere with Pansy, probably being disgustingly in love. Theodore was gone, doing God knows what. Draco didn't bother to ask him what he was doing when he had left. Draco didn't want anything to do with Theodore. He was the reason he was so upset; he was the one that had started bringing her around in the first place. Theodore wasn't able to just let things be as they were. He just had to start bringing her around more than she already was.

Draco put the bottle of firewhiskey down. He couldn't keep drinking and feeling sorry for himself, especially over a girl. He was Malfoy for fucks sake. He wasn't supposed to be upset, especially over something as trivial as a girl. He was supposed to be a strong man. He was a strong man. 

He needed something else to do but drink all night. It was pathetic. Not to mention he needed something to distract him from the pain in his nut sack. He hadn't been able to properly wank off in days. 

He stumbled over to his trunk, pulling out the first thing he grabbed, his old Slytherin quidditch jumper. He put it in, the jumper had been big on him during his fifth year but now it was very tight on him. He didn't really care. He was just going to the library and needed something to keep him warm. It wasn't like he cared what anyone thought of him these days.

He didn't look at anyone as he walked through the halls. It was a thing he started doing in sixth year. At first it had been because he simply did not have the time to look at anyone else. He was so occupied with that damn vanishing cabinet. This year not looking at people spared him from noticing the glares, the dirty looks, the whispers. 

He got to the library in little time. He had made sure to walk fast as he always did when he was walking through the halls. There was no point in taking his time and smelling the roses. There was nothing about the crummy castle that held his attention anyways. 

He had been completely disappointed when he first saw the castle his first year. It was horrible. So dirty and old, falling apart in some areas. It wasn't kept up; the furniture was old and uncomfortable. The walls were crumbling in some areas, the school had no proper ventilation, causing the whole place to smell of stale air and old farts. There was dust and cobwebs everywhere. Honestly the house elves at the castle were so lazy it was appalling. He remembered hearing how amazed all the other students were with the castle when they first entered. He couldn't believe his ears. He was the only one that saw the castle for what it was, a dump.

He still felt the same way about the castle. If anything, the years he spent at the school had only cemented the ideas. The whole school could use a deep clean, and the whole place desperately needed to be aired out. 

The library was the only place he liked, even if he thought the Malfoy family library was still superior. The Hogwarts library had been his sanctuary from the rest of the falling apart building in his years at the school. As he walked in the doors, he was happy the smell of books replaced the smell of stale air and old farts. He walked through the library, not really looking for anything in particular. 

She was there; he saw her at the table they worked at together. Of course she was there. She was the only other student who seemed to spend as much time in the library as him. He allowed himself a few moments to just look at her and bask in her glory. He hated that she had her hair up in a ridiculous bun. Honestly, who ever told her that looked good? He despised when she put her hair up, her hair was too brilliant to ever hide as she did. She was wearing those muggle clothes again. Those things that Pansy told him were called leggings. He was happy Granger was sitting. Those leggings were so distracting when she was standing, and he was able to see her perfect ass. Those things shouldn't even be legal, they were all too distracting. After he first saw her wearing those legging things he had wanked off so much his cock was chafed and sore for days. She was mercifully wearing a large sweater over it today, hiding the rest of her body partially. Good. He couldn't even think whenever she wore those cotton shirts that clung to her body.

She was reading a book, he didn't know what book, and he didn't even really care. It didn't matter much to him what she was reading. 

The only thing that fucking mattered was the fact Weasel was there, sitting across the table from her. Draco hadn't talked to her since he had upset her three days ago. He hadn't sat by her; she obviously didn't want him around. However, he had still been watching her, and she hadn't been hanging around that disgusting ginger. Not until now.

They were sitting there in silence. She was reading and the idiot was obviously fake reading. Draco wasn't even sure if Weasley knew how to read, he likely didn't. Weasley had even less brain cells than he did money. No, instead of reading, the ginger fool was watching her, looking at her like some pathetic love sick puppy dog. It was ridiculous, he was so obviously in love with her.

As if someone like him could ever deserve her. Weasley didn't even appreciate her. Weasley hadn't even realized how absolutely beautiful she was until the Yule Ball. Draco had realized it third year, the same year he began noticing girls in general. She was the first he noticed, she was still often the only one he noticed, not that he would admit it. Weasley hadn't fucking seen her, it took him four years to really see her, and he was with her all the time. Draco didn't know everything that happened between them, but it had been obvious that Weasley had chosen Lavender Brown over Granger. Something Draco could never fathom; how could the ginger fool even think Lavender Brown could compare to her. 

Weasley didn't understand her, not like Draco did. Weasley didn't even know the books she liked; he had never read them himself. He didn't understand the intellectual side of her, that wasn't even a side of her. It was who she was to her core. Weasley could never give her the life she wanted, the life she deserved. She said it herself; she wanted to travel and see the world. Draco could give her that, he could take her everywhere, they could see everything there was to see in this world together. Draco could get her any book she had ever wanted to read; he could buy her the nicest clothing. Weasley could offer her nothing but dirt and his horrid personality.

It killed him that she didn't even seem to notice how the fool was looking at her. She didn't see the way he was watching her while fake reading. She was far too absorbed in her reading.

Draco hated seeing them sitting together. It disgusted him. Weasley shouldn't be allowed anywhere near her. They should exist in different worlds. Draco hated seeing them together, it made him want to walk over there and punch Weasley in the face or maybe hex him. It would be amusing to see him vomiting slugs again, that had been the funniest thing he had ever seen in his life.

Without thinking about what he was doing he walked over to the table. Without saying anything to Weasley, only glaring at the ginger, Draco quickly took the spot next to Granger, sitting closely to her. Weasley shot him a glare back. Draco had expected nothing less. In fact, he even expected a glare from her after the last time they talked but instead she looked at him and gave him a friendly smile.

Draco looked away from Weasley, his full attention on her his eyes locking on her warm brown eyes. He loved those eyes, those warm brownie colored eyes that he felt like he could stare into for eternity. He wanted to reach out and pull her hair from the elastic that held it up in that ridiculous bun. He wanted to make her curls fall down around her shoulders, he wanted to feel those soft curls.

Instead of living it his dream he was interrupted by a very annoying and grating voice “What the fuck are you doing Malfoy?”

Draco sighed and glared over at Weasley. “I'm sitting at a table.”

Weasley spoke in an angry and hard voice “You know that's not what I meant. What the fuck are you going over here, with us?”

Draco rolled his eyes; must this fool always make things so hard for him? “I wasn't aware you owned this table. In fact I didn't think you actually owned anything.”

“Go away, death eater. You're unwanted over here.” 

Draco looked away from Weasel. It was painful to look upon his ugly face for too long. Instead, he looked back at her, letting himself deeply inhale her warm inviting scent of vanilla. It was the only smell he wanted to smell for the rest of his existence. He didn't even respond to Weasley. He didn't care enough to, it didn't matter what the ginger thought of him. Weasley was nobody and his thoughts and opinions meant less to Draco than the dirt under his boots.

Granger was looking back at him, making him so happy. Yes, he thought, look at me, not at him. Not at that pathetic excuse of a wizard.

She spoke, softly and directed to Weasley, even though her eyes never left Draco's. “Ron, I told you that Draco and I are working on a project together for ancient runes, I told him to meet me here.”

Draco's heart skipped a beat. She had called him by his given name, for the second time. It made him feel things he didn't know possible just from hearing his name. Not only that, but she also lied, for him. Just to get Weasley to stop his nonsense. Yes, they were working together on the project, but they hadn't actually done any work in a week at least and they certainly hadn't planned on meeting tonight. Even after he had upset her, she was lying for him. Maybe she did want him around, he hoped that was the case. 

He heard scurrying and looked over to see Weasel packing up his belongings. Looking utterly pissed off. “Fine Hermione. I'm so done with your crap.” Weasley said and left. 

Draco rolled his eyes and was silently pleased. Yes. Leave you fool. You're not wanted here, leave Granger alone. Leave us alone. He did, Weasley left without another word. She didn't even try to stop him.

They were silent for the next few moments. He didn't know what to say to her, he knew he should apologize. He should tell her that he hadn't met her. He didn't mean to upset her, and he shouldn't have said she wasn't even his friend. He knew he should tell her he was wrong, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't make himself form the words.

Instead, he silently reached out and gently touched a few strands of her hair that had come out of the bun on top of her head creating a small perfect curl. He held the brown curl between his index and middle finger, gently twisting it. Relieving in the feelings of her soft hair.

Hermione frowned looking away from him. She didn't say anything as she slammed or book shut as she pulled away from him, or as she stood up and left him alone in the library.

Chapter Text

October 21st, 1998, again, 65 days until December 25th

It had been an entire week since Draco had shown her his true self. She had purposely separated herself from him since, and she had been relieved that he had seemed to know she didn't want him around. For the most part he had kept his distance from her as well. He didn't sit with her at meals or classes, he didn't approach her in the halls. The only time he had anything to do with her was when he came and sat by her in the library. 

She had seen him walk into the library that day, he wasn't hard to miss. He had been between the shelves so close to them. He has no doubt went to the table, their table, if she could even call it that. She probably shouldn't, nothing was theirs. She has been sitting there, Ron who had seemed to forgive her after she hadn't been around Draco for days, decided to join her. Likely it was just because Ronald was falling very behind in all of his classes and needed help. While his job in the aurors office was all but secured, he still had to pass his classes. She had been hesitant but still gave him some help.

Then Draco was there. He was just standing there, staring at them, watching them intently. He looked angry, more angry than she could remember seeing her all year. Draco had sat there moving quickly. She didn't know why she had defended him to Ron, she really shouldn't have. 

Then after Ron had left, Draco had, had the nerve to act like nothing had happened. Like they were still friends or whatever they were. She wasn't sure. He had made it clear they weren't even friends. Yet he sat there staring at her in the way he had done before, looking at her with those grey eyes. He had reached out and touched her hair. Something about the gesture pushed her past her limits. She had to get away from him. She wouldn't let him do that. 

Hermione had come to a conclusion only a few days after what she could only describe as their fight. She had to make firm boundaries concerning Draco. For one, she definitely could not allow herself to have feelings for him. No, she couldn't do that anymore. Not that she really ever had feelings for him, or she had told herself time and time again. It had only been a crush, a small stupid crush that was insignificant. Likely brought on by the fact that she had been lonely, and he had been there. If she was going to save his life, and she planned on it. She had to squash that stupid crush, bury those feelings down and forget it ever happened. She knew in the end he would only hurt her if she let him, so she wouldn't let him. She also decided she couldn't let him touch her anymore nor her touch him. Not that there had ever been much physical contact between the two anyways. However, the few occasions on which they touched had made her feel something that she couldn't feel, not for him. She wouldn't let herself sit close to him; she would still sit with him in class. She had to start sitting by him again, she had to try and get back into his life after a week of avoiding him. However, she would not let him sit close to her as he had before, she would make sure to keep a distance, she would space herself away from him if she had to. 

She had to go back to being his friend, or whatever they had been before acquaintances or even if she was just a nuisance to him, she wasn't sure what they had been, but it didn't matter. He was going to be stuck with her until December 26th, until she made sure he was not going to end his life. She would warm her way back into his life, she would make sure he stayed alive. However, she had to protect herself. She could not let Draco Malfoy hurt her. She wouldn't let him hurt her. Not again. She wouldn't allow herself to get attached or feel anything for him besides empathy and pity. She wasn't even sure that he really deserved even that much from her. 

At the end of the day he was the same vile and bigoted person he had always been. He still believed himself better than those that he deemed beneath him. At the end of the day he still wanted muggles dead, and likely muggleborns such as herself dead as extension. He still believed himself above others. For just a few days or maybe a few weeks She allowed herself to believe he had changed. But it was a lie. Not a lie he had told, he had never said he had changed, it was a lie she had told herself about him. 

Maybe he didn't even deserve her help. But he was going to get it regardless. She wouldn't let him die. For one morally she couldn't let him do it. She couldn't give up now, she was far too invested in it at this point and Hermione didn't like quitting anything. She also couldn't do that to Narcissa, she couldn't take Narcissa’s boy away from her. She felt she owed Narcissa Malfoy a debt, as she had saved Harry that day in the forest, she protected him from the dark lord. Narcissa had saved Hermione's best friend and in return Hermione was going to save her son. She couldn't do that to Theodore. If she left now if she ignored Draco and left him to his own vices, Theodore would be on his own. He would be forced to watch the weeks go by, he would be forced to hold the knowledge that Draco was going to end his life on December 25th, without the ability to stop him alone. Theodore didn't deserve that. 

It was for those reasons, and more that Hermione was on her way to the library. She knew he would be there, it was early evening, right after afternoon classes had ended. Dinner wasn't for another few hours, Draco was never anywhere else other than the library. She walked slowly, part of her was dreading it. She had been watching him all day, watching him from across the classroom from across the Great Hall. She had been watching him intently, watching his every move. He seemed the same he was always, alone without her sitting with him. He was still doing the same thing where his leg bounced up and down like he was unable to stay still. He took notes diligently and kept his head down never speaking a word to anyone else. At meals he kept his head buried in a book as he ate. He ignored everyone around him, his friends, Pansy, Blaise, and Theodore. It was like they weren't even there. Everything with Draco had appeared to go back the way I had been before Hermione came into his life. He was probably happier with it this way than having to deal with her all day. After all she was one of those vile and disgusting Muggles, as he had called them.

She was nearly to the library, just coming down the staircases that lead to the area when she was stopped. The girl who stopped her had short black hair in a bob with not a hair out of place. Her pale face was sharp and angular with makeup done to highlight the angles of her face. Her uniform was perfect and pressed, likely the best money could buy. Pansy Parkinson, like she had been for years, was a beauty to say the least. 

Pansy was more beautiful than Hermione, Hermione decided anyone with eyes could see that. It was a horrible thing to admit but she was jealous of Pansy. Pansy seemed to know how to make herself look beautiful, how to carry yourself and hold herself in a way that made everyone look at her. Hermione didn't know how to do that. Maybe it was her own fault, in the years of sharing a dormitory with Lavender and Parvati she never took part in the girl's nights they had. Instead, while the two girls were talking about makeup and hair practicing beauty spells Hermione had her head in a book. She thought them vain and stupid. Now Hermione wished that she had participated with them. She wished she had learned how to carry herself better. It wasn't just that pansy was naturally beautiful. Her black silky hair was far more beautiful for one, especially compared to Hermione's own bushy brown curly mess on top of her head. Pansy also seemed to have the looks that just came with money and years of pureblood breeding, aristocratic looks Hermione called them. Her sharp features like she was carved from stone, in a way she reminded Hermione of Draco. They both looked like they could have been carved from stone. Especially compared to Hermione's soft features. Hermione hated that vein part of herself that envied Pansy. 

Pansy was smiling at Hermione, something that Hermione had not seen the girl ever do, unless she was in the presence of her paramore, Blaise Zabini. “Hermione, there you are, I've been looking all over for you.” The Slytherin girl said as if it was normal, as if they always hung out and were great friends.

Hermione nodded her head, deciding to play along. It seemed the simplest thing to do in her situation. “Oh, I was just on my way to the library.”

Pansy rolled her eyes at this “Ugh, of course you were. Come on, there are so many better things to do with your time. Join me for a walk.”

Hermione hesitated; she didn't want to go off with Pansy. For one they weren't exactly friends. Sure, Pansy had made Hermione come to her birthday. But that hardly made them friends. However, she was dreading going to see Draco even more. So, despite her better judgement Hermione nodded her head, agreeing to go with Pansy. Draco could wait. 

Pansy led the way as they walked side by side. It felt strange to walk with the Slytherin girl. She could feel eyes on them as they walked, it had been no secret that Pansy and Hermione had never been even cordial with each other in the past. In fact, Pansy had spent most of her time around Hermione in the past years making fun of her. In the early years of their schooling and even up to sixth year Pansy had been her bully, she had even been more than Draco on many occasions. Now walked side by side, as if none of their sorted past had ever happened. 

Pansy spoke first “I haven't seen you around much lately, you haven't been sitting with Draco in class.” Pansy acted casual as she spoke, but Hermione knew better. This was obviously an interrogation. She was trying to get information. 

Hermione nodded, giving in just slightly. “Yeah, I guess I haven't been.”

Pansy huffed; she obviously wanted more information than Hermione was giving her. “Did you guys have a fight or something? I mean you guys were really cozy up until like a week ago or something.”

Hermione was quiet for a few beats as they walked. She was silently debating with herself; she wasn't sure if she should tell the truth or lie. It would have been so nice to finally talk to somebody about this. Somebody who actually understood Draco. Ginny didn't, not to mention Hermione felt that she couldn't even talk to Ginny about it. Ginny hated Draco, and all of us Slytherins for that matter. Hermione couldn't exactly go crying to Ginny that Draco had hurt her feelings, Ginny wouldn't care. Pansy was different. She was Draco's friend; they had been friends for years. Maybe Hermione could tell her just something, just enough to get it off her chest. “Yeah, something like that.”

Pansy nodded her head, not looking surprised. Pansy led them around the school, they avoided the doors that let outside. It was obvious that Pansy did not want to go outside. She wanted to stay in. Likely due to the fact it was cold outside, colder than it had been in months. Instead, they were walking around the school aimlessly walking past the stone walls and the corridors, in the eyesight of any students. “Yeah, Draco can be an asshole sometimes.” Pansy casually said. “But he usually doesn't mean what he says. He talks out of his ass most of the time.”

Hermione shook her head. She didn't want to talk about this anymore. Of course, Pansy was defending Draco. They were friends. Hermione wasn't in their friend group, of course Pansy was going to take his side. Perhaps it had been a mistake to talk to her at all about this. She wanted to take back saying anything, she wanted to say never mind and to forget it. But she didn't. She found herself talking more about it, unable to stop herself. “No, I'm actually pretty sure he meant what he said.” 

Pansy raised an eyebrow “What did he say to you?” She asked.

Hermione sighed; she wasn't sure what to say. Unsure if she divulge the entire truth or leave some things out. But again, she was talking before she could think it out. It seemed like for some reason she spoke around Pansy without thinking. “He just said some truly vile things. That he believes all muggles should be killed, that kind of thing. He also told me we weren't friends. I think he put it as I'm just a pathetic girl who keeps following him around to get his attention.”

Pansy was silent for a few minutes as they walked. Like she was debating what to say to Hermione, she obviously wasn't sure what to say. They walked through a hall that contained many portraits on the wall. The people in the portraits talking and running from portrait to portrait having fun with each other. Not noticing the girl's walking the halls. Finally, after a minute Pansy spoke “Did you know Draco was my date to the yule ball?”

Hermione nodded; she remembered that night. Seeing Pansy in pale pink, her hair and makeup done similarly to how she did it now. She remembered seeing her and Draco dancing together. Not that Hermione paid much attention to them, she probably only saw them for a few seconds, she was much more interested in her date for the night. “Yes, I remember.”

Pansy smiled as she talked chuckling a little. “I only went with him to make Blaise jealous. Even back then, it was always Blaise for me. But the idiot took Daphne Greengrass instead of me, I've never forgiven Daphne for it. I mean we were supposed to be friends, and she knew how I felt about Blaise. Anyways Draco asked me last minute as he didn't even bother to get himself a real date. He figured I'd still be available, and he was correct. I wasn't stupid I knew he had no real interest in me, he just didn't want to go alone. Which was fine with me. I was in the same boat.”

Hermione nodded understanding, that could have easily been her with Harry. If not for Viktor Krum. Harry had no date until the last minute and if not for Viktor she would have went with Harry as friends.

Pansy chuckled again, shaking her head a little bit this time. “However I have to admit, I was so jealous of you that night.”

Hermione stopped walking looking at Pansy, unsure if she heard her right “Of me?”

Pansy nodded her head shrugging “I mean even though we want as friends I wanted him to pay attention to me. I wanted him to dance with me and have fun just for one night. If I couldn't have Blaise, I at least wanted a date that would pay attention to me all night. But I didn't get that. Instead, I got Draco, Draco who couldn't keep his eyes off of you all night. He hardly looked at me at all, even when we danced his eyes were on you. All night. It hurt my feelings in truth. I got over it quickly, realizing I was deluded. I didn't want Draco's attention; I realized in the end it would have been bad. I wanted Blaise and not him. It just would have been nice to feel like the prettiest girl in the room, just for one night. Like you.”

Hermione was unsure what to say or think. She couldn't ever imagine someone like Pansy being jealous of Hermione. She also couldn't imagine fourth year Draco looking at her. He had spent the entire year telling lies about her to Rita Skeeter. Surely Pansy was wrong. She shook her head “I'm sure you saw it wrong.”

Pansy laughed, shaking her head. “After that night I watched him, more than I had in the past. It's not like I enjoyed watching him. But I noticed something, he looked at you a lot. Over the years, year after year he was looking at only you. I never even saw him really looking at other girls, not like he did you. I didn't believe it at first. It's not like he would admit it; you were supposed to be his enemy. But it was so obvious he wanted you. Draco isn't as sneaky as he likes to think he is.”

Hermione was trying to process the information. She had never noticed Draco looking at her, not really. The few times she had she was sure he was glaring at her or trying to find something about herself to make fun of. 

Pansy kept talking, filling the silence. “Draco isn't good with people, or with socializing for that matter. He's never had to be very good at it. He didn't even have to make his own friends, we've all known each other since we were very young, from our parents and social gatherings. With Draco being a Malfoy, it was always expected from most of us that we were his friend, and he made him like us. I mean look at Crabbe and Goyle, those two practically worshipped the ground Draco walked on. Draco has never had to think about what he says or apologize for it. He was always the head of our group, always in charge. None of us wanted to get in trouble with our parents for upsetting the Malfoy heir. Theodore is the only one that didn't care, and Draco thinks he's a twat for it. With you it's different for him. You weren't brought up to be his friend or anything. He's not used to having to watch what he says or apologize for anything.”

Hermione nodded, understanding that part. It was clear that Draco lacked social skills.

Pansy smiled and said in an amused tone, “I mean he's never even had a girlfriend. I don't think he's ever even kissed a girl. He doesn't know how to act around you or what to do with you.”

Hermione was quick to protest, ”Draco isn't my boyfriend and I'm not his girlfriend.”

Pansy smirked and nodded, as if she didn't believe it. However, she mercifully dropped the subject. “Enough about Draco, he bores me to tears. Let's go get dinner together and talk about whatever glamour charms you learned for your hair.”

With that Hermione left with Pansy to the great hall, discussing different charms for haircare.

Chapter Text

October 22nd, 1998, again, 64 days until December 25th

Hermione had never cared much for quidditch. Not even when Harry was the youngest seeker in the last century, not even when Ron had finally made the team, not when Ginny had made the team either. Not even when she had been dating Viktor Krum, an international quidditch star. The sport, or any sport for that matter had never appealed to her. 

Well, that wasn't necessarily true, being part of an academic decathlon had always appealed to her. However, most people didn't consider it a sport, and more disappointingly, Hogwarts didn't have academic decathlons. Perhaps if she had had the time in past years, she would have tried to create that sport for the school. However, she had been too busy trying to save Harry every year, get the best marks in all of her classes, and later on S.P.E.W. had taken up a great deal of her time. She couldn't even do it this year as Draco’s life saving mission was taking up a great deal of her time, not to mention she was considering rebeginning S.P.E.W. this year she could find the time. It would have been a great deal of fun to have the academic decathlon, she had always believed.

Quidditch was never something that she cared about, or even cared to watch, hear about, or talk about. However, for years it had a large part of her life. Unlike her, the sport has meant a lot to all of her friends. They went to all the matches, they talked about it often, most of her friends were in the Gryffindor team.

So, as she walked with Theodore Nott, they had just left arithmancy and were headed to the central corridor, which led to just about anywhere, she wasn't paying much attention as he was talking about quidditch. He was making excuses, or so she thought of why yet again he couldn't meet her that night to discuss Draco. 

“I have practice tonight. I can't miss Hermione. Our first match is coming up in only a week and a half. Our team is already shit since we don't have a good seeker.” Theodore said, as they walked through the crowded halls.

Hermione rolled her eyes, “Okay, it's not like we're trying to save a life or anything.” She sarcastically spoke to him. 

Theodore smirked like it was a joke. “You know, the Slytherin team hasn't had a decent seeker since Draco left the team in sixth year.”

She shrugged, having to squeeze between Theodore and some first years, Theodore didn't seem to care who he pushed around as long as he got whenever he wanted at a fast speed. “That hardly concerns me.”

He sighed dramatically. “You know I've been thinking, the team could be really great again. If Draco would join again.”

“If Draco doesn't want to waste his time playing quidditch that's not my business.”

Theodore was quick in reply. “It might be good for him though, help with his depression. He really loved playing quidditch, he's been in love with flying since he was just a toddler, and he got a toy broom. I remember when we were really young, he was always flying, it was all he used to want to do.” 

She didn't respond as they walked, maybe it would be good for him. But she wasn't going to bring it up. She still hasn't talked to him. The previous day she was with Pansy for most of the afternoon. Today she was busy with classes. She saw him classes, he was taking notes and listening diligently as he always did. He didn't look at her. He stopped looking at her, she had noticed. For the last two days. He was acting like she didn't exist. Like there was nothing between them. 

Maybe there was nothing between them. She could have imagined it all, it made more sense than her silly fantasies that he had wanted her back. She was a filthy mudblood to him, she wasn't enough for him and would never be. Her mere existence disgusted him. It didn't matter what Pansy had said or thought. How much could Pansy really know? She didn't even know that Draco was depressed, she didn't see that he was unraveling, getting closer every day to ending his life. Pansy didn't see how miserable he was, how close he was to ending everything. Hermione couldn't blame her for that, Hermione hadn't seen it the first time around either, but she hadn't been his friend that time.

Hermione mentally scolded herself, reminding herself that she was over the silly crush she thought she had. She didn't have one and it was just a silly idea to begin with. Just because he was there and he had touched her so softly, so gently. He had said nice things. That was all it was. She didn't want him either. 

It didn't matter, she couldn't feel anything for him. It wasn't realistic. She just needed to save him. She decided earlier that after her and Theodore went their separate ways today, she would go to the library. She wouldn't let anyone or

Theodore kept talking “You know, if he was on the team, it would give him something to do other than mope around all day. He wouldn't be as insufferable as he is currently.”

She only nodded her head. She acknowledged he was right; it would be good for Draco. “Then you talk to him about it.”

“I have!” Theodore countered. “I talk to him about it all the time and he always tells me to fuck off, and that he's not interested.”

She shrugged as they entered the central corridor, they would be going their separate ways here. Theodore would be going to the quidditch pitch for his practice, and she would be going to the library to track Draco down. 

Theodore rolled his eyes at her as they looked at each other. “Whatever, I'll see you later.” He muttered walking away. 

Hermione turned her heel, her hands going up to her hair that was in a ponytail she pulled her hair, retightening the ponytail as she walked. She got to the library quickly; it wasn't far from the central corridor. When entered her favorite place in the school she deeply breathed in, letting the smell of the books enter her nose, it was easily her favorite smell on earth. She wished someone would make a candle of that scent. 

She walked through the shelves, looking at the tables. He wasn't at their table, or any of the other ones around it. She was sure he was there. He spent most of his free time in the library, like she did. He was there just as much or maybe more than she was. She walked through each section, keeping her eye out for him. It wouldn't be hard to miss him once she saw him, he always stood out with his platinum blonde hair and his huge stature.

She eventually found him; he was standing in front of a shelf reading the back of a book in the magical history section. She watched him as she stood on the other side of the shelf, watching him through the books, taking in the way he stood, looking down. The way the muscles in his hand flexed ever so slightly as he turned the book, flipping through the pages. She noticed how his hair was messy as it often was these days, gone were the days he put nearly a gallon of gel in it to hold it in place. She preferred his hair like this, not exactly perfect but it still looked like it was meant to look messy, like it was styled for this look even though she knew it wasn't. She watched as his grey eyes scanned the pages lazily as he decided if he wanted the book. She found herself looking at his face again, admiring the angles of his jaw, of his cheek bone. She wondered how it would feel under her skin; would it be hard or soft? She wasn't even sure what his skin felt like other than his finger tips. She never got the chance to touch him as he had touched her. Draco knew how her face felt, he knew how her hair felt, he even knew how her scar felt. He knew how that word felt carved into her skin. She would never get the chance to feel him. She wouldn't let them get that close, not again. All it would do was hurt her.

She suddenly felt so creepy, like a stalker as she watched him through the books. She felt like she was invading his privacy, he had no idea that she was watching him. It was wrong, so she quickly looked away. She stood up straight, her hands smoothing out her uniform as she took a few deep breaths. She was about to go to him, go to the other side of the shelf and talk to him. She was going to try and get over the awkwardness that has befallen them. 

She never got the chance to go to him, right before she was going to move and go to him, she heard that deep and soft voice next to her “Granger, what are you doing here?”

Panic went through her, she felt caught. Caught watching him and being a creepy stalker. So she quickly grabbed the book on the shelf closest to her and held it up, not reading the title. “Oh um, I'm just getting a book for some light reading.” She said, trying her best to sound smooth and normal.

Draco squinted as he read the title, one of his eyebrows raising as he read the title of the book in her hands out loud. “ Mating Habits and Trends in Mountain Trolls, pictures and descriptions included. That's your idea of light reading? My my, you're a sick one, Granger.”

She blushed looking at the book, why did it have to be a book like that? Why did the Hogwarts library even carry a book about troll mating? But she nodded casually, “Yeah, um, it's a good read.” She lied not looking at him as she felt herself blushing.

Draco chuckled “Granger, you dirty dog. You get off on this kind of stuff? Reading about troll mating?”

“What? No.” She quickly said, shaking her head. “I definitely don't do that. I uh- I'm working on a personal project about magical creatures. You wouldn't understand.” She said putting the damn book back on the shelf, hoping to never see it again. ”What are you reading?” She asked, trying to change the subject, her eyes on the book in his hands.

He moved a step closer to her, his addicting scent entering her nose, his cologne, clean laundry, and mints. “Well, it's certainly not about troll mating.” He spoke, his deep voice was low and calm as he spoke, smirking at her. He lifted the book up so she could see it. Potions in the Fourth Century. Of course it has to be a normal book. There was nothing about it to laugh or joke about as hers. 

She only nodded “That's a good read.” She muttered, glaring at his book for a moment.

He only shrugged, his grey eyes on her face. He was studying her now in only the way he did so often when they were together. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn't. She looked back up at him, she hated how drawn she was to him. Even now, as she knew how he felt about her and people like her, she couldn't help it. She wanted to move closer to him. She wanted him to reach over and break the distance, she wanted to feel his fingers on her just one more time. 

Draco cleared her throat, snapping her off of it, making her look away from him. “I'm going to sit down, are you coming or not?” He asked her, his grey eyes still on her brown ones. 

She nodded automatically. She needed to be around him, for them to go back to normal, if she had a chance of saving it. She didn't want to admit it to herself, but it wasn't just that. She wanted to be around him. She craved his presence. She followed closely behind him as they walked away from the bookshelves, they passed many tables as they walked together in the library. Draco didn't even look at them, he kept his head straight as he led her to the beginning of the library, going to their table in the front of the library.

She was about to move around him and go to sit on the other side of him, when he pulled out a chair, the one next to the chair he usually occupied. Using his large hand, he gestured for her to sit in the chair he pulled out. It took her a few seconds to react. Nobody had ever pulled a chair out for her before, not Viktor, not even Ron. She moved slowly, not daring to look at him as she did, she wasn't sure she could bear to see the look on his face as she got so close to him. Would he look disgusted or as he had the few times, they were close? As soon as she was seated, he pushed her chair in for her with ease, as if she weighed nothing to him. She wasn't sure if she liked this or not, she wasn't used to it.

He didn't sit across from her as she had expected, instead he sat right next to her, like he always did. He took up most of the table with his huge stature, but she didn't mind. She didn't mind that his scent surrounded her and took over her every thought. She found herself breathing it in deeper, wanting to drown in it, wanting to drown in him.

Draco put the book he got on the shelf down on the table, along with his notebook and another book on top. She moved slightly to read the title “ The Fellowship of the Ring.” She blinked a few times as she looked at the book, for some reason she was very surprised to see him reading Lord of the Rings out of anything else he could have been reading. Especially with how much he clearly hated muggles, which J.R.R Tolkien was.

Draco didn't open either of his books, he didn't get work out of his book bag that was slung on his chair either. Instead he was staring at her intensely. He licked his lips, wetting them. She remembered what Pansy had told her; Draco had never even kissed a girl. She found it a shame; he did have such nice lips. She found that she thought everything about his face was very nice. 

She looked away from him, getting angry at herself. Draco would never do anything but hurt her. Anyways she wasn't here to be his friend or girlfriend, she wasn't either as he had pointed out before. She was here to try and save his life, to stop him from killing himself. 

Draco spoke to her, his voice still low as he spoke. “I'm sorry.” He said quietly, quieter than he usually did. “I understand if you don't want to be around me anymore. But you have to understand what I said, I didn't mean you.” He said quietly. “I didn't mean you at all. I just.. I don't want you to keep avoiding me. I'm sorry, okay. I won't say anything like that again, if you stop ignoring me.” 

She knew he was still staring at her face, watching for her reaction to his words. She only nodded her head. She didn't believe he was really sorry. He just didn't like not getting attention from her. He didn't like being ignored. It didn't really matter why he was saying it, all that mattered was that. She spoke quietly, “It's fine.”

Draco didn't say anything more about it. He obviously didn't want to talk about the awkward situation just as she didn't want to talk about it either. He slowly reached over and gently touched one of the curls that had come out the ponytail that held her hair up. He touched it so gently; she looked at his face and could see he looked nervous. He was worried that she would pull away again as she had before, the day she was in the library with Ron, and he came. However she wouldn't pull away from this time. She knew she should, she told herself she was going to make boundaries with him, one of them being that they wouldn't touch anymore. But she couldn't move away from him, she couldn't make herself move away from him.

He held the curl between his fingers, his index and thumb, moving the curl gently between his fingers. “Your hair is so soft.” He breathed out, moving closer to him, his hot breath on her neck, sending shivers through her body. He let go of the curl though and he softly spoke. “But I thought I told you; you should wear your hair down.” 

She was absolutely still, unable to move as he reached up to her hair, he gently grabbed the elastic that held her hair up in the ponytail and he gently took the elastic out. Letting her curls free. She blushed immediately, she knew it had to be a mess. She hadn't done anything to it since the previous night when she washed it, she hadn't even done the glamour charms on it. It was a frizzy mess of curls that was now down around her. She wanted to take the elastic from him and put it back up. She wished she had never let him take the ponytail out to begin with. 

He was smiling at her now as he spoke in a low voice “You should always wear your hair like this.”

She shook her head, looking away from him. She couldn't talk about this, not her hair. It was a touchy subject for her, he had made fun of her hair for years. He had spent their school years making fun of her. She didn't believe anything he said now. So, she quickly changed the subject, she couldn't think of what to say so she decided to do Theodore a favor. “You're not on the quidditch team this year?”

Draco straightened up, no longer touching her hair as he pulled away. “No, I'm not.” He said, not giving any more explanation.

“Why not?” She asked him as she looked at him, even though looking at her. “I mean I thought you really liked it.”

He shrugged, “I guess it's just not my thing anymore.” He said, sounding bored of the conversation. She knew he was trying to do it on purpose. To make her think it was a stupid conversation, to make her drop it all together.

“I don't think that's true. You were good too, Harry hated it when he had to play against you. He tried even harder than usual.” She said to him, looking at his face, trying to read his every expression.

“I don't play anymore. That's all there is to it.” He insisted. “It was a silly child's game and I'm not a child anymore.”

Hermione shook her head. “I think you should go back to the team, finish your last year at school the right way. They need you, Theodore said-”

“They don't fucking want me. No matter what Theodore says. They don't want me at this school let alone three fucking Slytherin team. Everyone at this fucking school hates me, or haven't you noticed? I'm nothing but a fucking ex-death eater.” He snapped.

Hermione shook her head “That's not true. They'd want you to be on the team, they need a seeker. You're a great seeker.”

Draco pursued his lips, looking annoyed. He stood up grabbing his stuff, obviously not wanting to talk about it anymore. So much so he was going to leave. “I'll see you tomorrow.” He spoke gruffly.

She watched him pick up his books and notebook “Draco, wait don't go.”

He shook his head “I have things to do.” He muttered and left the library.

Chapter Text

October 24th, 1998, again, 62 days until December 25th

It was very stormy outside that fall morning when Hermione woke up. The rain was hard and pelting against the window of her dormitory. Upon looking outside she could see the trees swaying in the wind. The usually blue sky was covered in dark grey clouds, a heavy fog was over the grounds, covering the black lake completely. It was the kind of weather that made one want to get back into bed, to pull the blanket up and sleep the day away. The sound of the rain on the walls, on the windows, was a peaceful sound to her. This kind of weather had always been her favorite type of weather.

When she was a child and it was a stormy day her mother would make herself and Hermione hot chocolate, or tea and they would spend the day curled up in the living room, under blankets with the fire roaring in the fireplace, as they read. She would sometimes go out with her father, they would put on their rain boots and raincoats and stomp around in the mud, not caring about the mess they were making or how absolutely filthy it would make them. Everytime she came back inside, her mother always had a hot bubble bath waiting for her.

As she got older and she went off to Hogwarts she would spend the days in the common room, reading, studying and doing homework with Harry and Ron. The trio would sit by the fireplace in their favorite chairs, sometimes they would drink butterbeer. The two boys would always make it fun, playing around, playing games to help pass the time.

When it was stormy like this during their days on the run they would stay in the tent all day. Only going out to check the wards. Those times weren't as fun, they never joked, they never played games to pass the time. They would stay locked in, oftentimes Ron would sleep the day away while herself and Harry would read, study, think. Doing anything to figure out the other horcruxes, how to destroy them. They didn't drink hot chocolate or butterbeer, they had none. Instead it was the usual warm temperature water, and whatever meal she could scrap together from their measly supplies. The stormy weather seemed to put them all in worse moods while out in that tent. It made them all feel hopeless, made them feel so low. Those were some of the only times of her life she found herself preferring the sun to the rain.

She wanted to grab a blanket and sit by the window, and read all day there. But she couldn't, for one her stomach was aching for food, and she had promised Draco she would meet him in the library under the pretense of working on their project. So, instead she made her way to her trunk, getting out leggings, a plain white shirt, and a black knitted cardigan, it was Saturday so she didn't have to wear her uniform. She dressed quickly, wrapping the cardigan tightly on herself, it was one of the most important things she owned. It had been her mother's cardigan, Hermione had borrowed it during her sixth year and had never gotten around to giving it back. She was now glad she never gave it back, she had a piece of her mother to carry with her. 

She was tempted to put her hair up in a ponytail, but she didn't. For one her favorite black scrunchie was missing, and she thought of what Draco said. He liked her hair down, not that it should matter what he thought. However a small part of her, that she didn't even want to acknowledge existed, wanted him to like the way she looked. She decided on doing a glamour charm on her hair to make it less messy, to smooth the curls and tame them. She didn't spend more time getting ready before she grabbed her bag and headed to the great hall.

The Gryffindor table was nearly empty. It was a Saturday morning, she figured most students must still be asleep and wouldn't be up for a few more hours. Hermione wished she could be like them, sleeping in on the weekends. But her nightmares had returned, she had been haunted by Draco's decomposing corpse all night before she forced herself to get up. 

She served herself some eggs, toast, and bacon. She opened her book, Amazing Alchemist of the Eighteenth Century. She had only read a few pages before she felt someone sit next to her. She looked up surprised to see a familiar head of messy black hair, and the smiling face of her best friend in the world. She immediately shut the book, happy Harry was alone and sitting with her for the first time in so long.

Hermione hadn't actually talked to Ron or Harry in seven days, and before that it had been over a week and a half. It didn't feel right, the three of them had been inseparable for all of their years at Hogwarts together. Ever since the two boys had saved her from the troll. In many ways they had been her first friends, she had never exactly fit in during her years at primary school. She was weird at school, always far too invested in her education. Not to mention weird things always seemed to occur around her, it wasn't until she was eleven that she learned it was her magic. 

She missed the two boys, Harry especially. Harry, who had always been there for her, she had always been there for him as well. Her heart ached for him, for his company.

Harry smiled at her as he got himself food, getting the same things as she had. He took a few bites of his eyes, an awkward silence surrounded them. Hermione wasn't sure what to say to him, and it seemed like he was the same. Finally he spoke to her after a few more bites “What's been going on with you lately?” He asked her, not looking at her his eyes trained on his food.

She shrugged even though he couldn't see her. She had once been a horrible liar, but those days were long gone. Years of lying to cover for Harry, the war, all of it made lying so easy for her. “Nothing. I've just been busy studying.”

Harry shook his head “I've known you for a long time Hermione, I know when something is going on with you.”

She took a long sip of her morning coffee, trying to buy herself more time. She couldn't exactly tell Harry the truth. It wasn't something he would just believe, or accept. So instead she responded, “I'm not sure what you mean.”

“You know exactly what I mean. You're rarely around anymore. You're spending a lot of time with the Slytherins, more specifically Theodore Nott and Draco Malfoy. I mean just yesterday you sat with Malfoy in every class, and the day before I saw you and Nott walking the halls together. You hate them, or at least you used to.”

She sighed, looking at the table. She spoke in the most normal tone she could muster. “Yeah, they're my friends.”

Harry raised one eyebrow “I thought I was your friend.”

“You are Harry.” She quickly said looking at him, “You know you are.”

“You know, you're really hurting Ron with this. He really loves you Hermione, it's killing him to see you hanging out with them. You know how he feels about Slytherins, especially Malfoy. Ron is actually convinced that you and Malfoy are together.” 

She looked away from Harry again, instinctively looking towards the Slytherin table. Draco was there, he must have just gotten there. His eyes were on her, he gave her a small smile, before he looked down at his book, silently eating a cherry danish. He looked as perfect as he always did, she again was amazed she had never noticed how stunning he was before. She shook her head as she looked down at the table. “We're not together.” The second the words left her mouth a horrible pit in her stomach formed. She felt horrible saying it, although it was true. They weren't together, she wasn't his and he wasn't hers. She hated that she somehow felt guilty saying it out loud, like she was betraying Draco.

Harry was silent for nearly a minute, he took a few bites of his food, he seemed to be thinking, contemplating what he was going to say. “Hermione, I know there's more going on, tell me. Please.”

She felt more guilty. She hated not telling Harry, especially after everything they had been through together, she felt like she owed him this. “I can't.” She replied quietly.

Harry sighed and this time he dropped his fork, digging in his bag, she watched him intently as he dug around for something. After a few painstakingly long moments he pulled out a small silver object and her stomach dropped.

Hermione moved quickly snatching the time turner Narcissa Malfoy had given her at Draco's now hopefully non-existent funeral. “Where did you get this?” She hissed at Harry, sounding just as upset as she was on the inside.

Harry looked guilty for a second, “Don't be mad. We were all worried about you, so Ginny looked through some of your stuff and she found this.”

She was literally shaking with anger. Ginny had no right to go through Hermione's belongings. It was an invasion in her privacy. It hadn't just been a quick look either. Ginny would have had to been digging, trifling through her stuff. The time turner has been buried in her trunk, it wasn't like it had been accessible. Not in the slightest. 

“Are you taking more classes or something like in third year? I thought all of them were destroyed.” Harry spoke quietly. 

“No I'm taking more classes.” She snapped at him sounding more harsh than intended.

“Then why do you have it?” He asked “It's illegal to even use without the proper permissions given through the-”

She didn't know why she did it, but before she could think she interrupted Harry. “Draco killed himself.” She said, feeling so pathetic like she was about to cry. “On December 25th, 1998, Draco killed himself. He slit his wrists and he- he..”

Harry looked at her like she had grown a second head. “What are you talking about?”

Hermione stood up, Harry following her silently. She regretted telling him already, but it was too late, she had to finish telling him everything. She couldn't do it here, not in the great hall where anybody could hear her. She walked out of the great hall Harry behind her, she hated that she was fully crying now. She hated looking weak. They went to the courtyard, which was very empty that stormy morning. They stood under a tree, providing some shelter from the elements.

“Hermione tell me what's happening.” He pleaded with her. 

She was still crying as she spoke “He killed himself Harry, he just… he was alone and depressed. I didn't notice the first time, nobody did, nobody cared.”

He stared down at her, she thought for a second about how Harry had become a man without her truly noticing. He wasn't a boy anymore. “How? How could you know he's going to kill himself?”

“No, I don't know what he's going to do this time. Harry, I've lived this before, the whole first part of the term. And he killed himself the first time, I was given this.” She held up her time turner “By Narcissa Malfoy, the day of his funeral. She begged me, to go back and save her son. That's why I've been with him so much, I'm trying to stop him from doing it again.”

Harry took a few seconds, not looking at her, and instead looking out at the storm, “Start at the beginning, tell me everything.” He finally said.

She did, she told Harry everything. She didn't filter or leave anything out, she even told him how she felt about Draco. She told him about how he touched her how he made her feel alive. She told him about their fights and the days she just wanted to give up. She told him everything. 

It took a long time, nearly an hour. By the time she was done Harry didn't have time to truly respond or talk to her about it. He had to go to quidditch practice. She was more relieved when he left, she didn't want to have to talk to him more about it. She didn't want to hear his thoughts or feelings. She knew he wouldn't approve of her decisions.

After he was gone she went back in the castle, she regretted going outside in the rain. She was slightly wet, which didn't bug her, a simple drying charm fixed that. She regretted the wet footprints she left, knowing a poor house elf would likely clean them. She knew she was late when she walked into the library, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Draco would live if she was a few minutes late, even if he did claim to hate tardiness.

She saw him right away, his large frame wasn't hard to miss. He was sitting at their table, his head down as he wrote in his notebook. He only stopped when she pulled out the chair across from him. His eyes immediately on her. She nearly rolled her eyes as she saw her was in nice robes, a button up shirt and dress pants. She had only seen him in casual clothes a few times and she could see it was a rarity. Even now on the weekends he was dressed as if he had some business meeting to attend later. Maybe he was just more comfortable in a more formal type of clothing.

She didn't sit next to him, she refused to let herself get that close to him. She could never let herself get that close to him. Not when he would possibly touch her again. It was better to leave space between them. 

He spoke in his usual monotone voice, “You're late, Granger. You know how I feel about tardiness.”

She rolled her eyes, “I'm sure you'll live.” She got her work out of her bag, they were nearly done with translating their set of ancient runes, but she was a little worried. They only had a week until it was due. She knew they would finish on time but she couldn't help but wishing they were already done. 

He got his work as well, he didn't respond or bring up her being late again. It seemed like they were going back to how they used to be, working silently instead of talking. Today that was fine with her. She felt mentally exhausted after telling Harry everything. She already regretted telling him about it, she told him not to tell anybody but she had a feeling he would tell Ron anyways.

After ten minutes of working Draco broke the silence “What was with you earlier? Did Scarhead do something to upset you?”

She looked at him, blinking a few times. She was surprised he noticed them leaving the great hall, she had been so upset and she knew she had probably looked upset. But she hadn't expected Draco or anyone for that matter to notice. “No, Harry didn't do anything to me. He would never do anything to upset me.”

Draco rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair, his grey eyes on her. “Of course, Saint Potter would never hurt a fly.” He sarcastically said. 

She didn't respond to him, she hated whenever anyone talked bad about Harry, no matter who it was. Harry had been through so much, he deserved happiness, not to be a joke. 

Draco spoke again, after it was obvious to him she wasn't going to give him a response. “I was worried about you. I mean you were crying. I thought he had done something to you. It took a lot not to go confront him, not to go make sure you were okay.”

She didn't know how to respond. It felt like they were getting dangerously close to crossing the boundaries she had set for herself and him. She couldn't let that happen. They were friends and would be nothing more. Draco didn't need a girlfriend, he needed someone to save him. Not to mention he would never want her that way. “Harry is my best friend. He wouldn't hurt me.” She said not looking at him, instead she looked back at her work. Trying to go back to doing her work.

Draco went back to his work as well. He didn't bring it up again and neither did she. Instead they silently worked for what felt like a long time until Draco casually said. “I've been thinking about it and I think I'll actually rejoin the Slytherin quidditch team.”

She couldn't help but smile brightly at this. “Really?” 

He nodded casually and smugly said “The poor lads need me. They don't have a decent seeker among them. Without me they'd probably lose every game, and I just can't stand to have Slytherin losing every game. It would ashame to the house.”

She nodded, just excited he was considering rejoining the team. It would be good for him, give him something positive to do. “That's great, Draco. You're going to do great.” She said, smiling at him. She couldn't help but be excited for him.

He smirked and slightly puffed his chest out. “That much is obvious. I mean I am probably the best seeker in this school.”

She couldn't help but roll her eyes at this, but she had to admit a part of her was glad to see cocky Draco was back. “Oh yeah.” She sarcastically replied to him.

He only smiled back at her before he went back to work. They worked in a peaceful silence for a long time, for hours the only sound was the scratching of quills on parchment. She couldn't help but look at him, often. She loved watching him work, seeing the way his eyebrows slightly scrunched up as he was concentrating on something, how he bit the tip of his quill when he was trying to figure out a particularly difficult rune.

It was a little past lunch time when Draco put his work down. “I have to go.” He said “I need to eat lunch, then go meet Theodore and the team to talk about rejoining.”

Hermione nodded her head, not wanting him to go but she knew she didn't have a say. 

Draco stared at her for a few seconds, biting his lip. He wanted to say something, she could tell, she felt like she so much time they spent together she knew some of his quirks. He cleared his throat “So uh every Halloween Slytherin house has a pretty big party in the dungeons after the feast. Everyone dresses up and stuff. A lot of people bring dates and such. Um like Blaise and Pansy always go together, and this year Theodore is bringing Lovegood.”

Hermione only nodded, she had heard about the party a few days ago from Luna who was excited to go with Theodore. “Yeah, I heard about it.”

Draco sighed and looked at her annoyed, like she didn't understand what he meant. “So?” He asked in an impatient tone.

“So, what?” She responded raising an eyebrow.

“Oh for fucks sake.” He mumbled under his breath, running a hand through his already messy platinum blonde hair. “Will you go with me or not?”

Hermione blinked a few times “Go with you? To the Halloween party?”

He dramatically sighed “Yes, the party. Obviously.” He stood up gathering his stuff. “Are you going with me or not?”

She looked up at him, she couldn't help but feel butterflies in her stomach, he was asking her to go with her to the party. She nodded her head “Yes, I'll go with you.”

He only nodded his head slinging his bag over his shoulder and grabbing his stuff. “I'll pick you up from Gryffindor tower at five, we can go to the feast together too.” He stated not giving her an opinion. 

Without another word he left to go, as he did the right sleeve of his robes lifted. Hermione could only barely make out her missing black scrunchie was on his wrist under his robes. The same scrunchie he had taken out of her hair a few days ago.

Chapter Text

October 27th, 1998.

Mornings were the absolute worst. Nothing was worse than waking from a dead slumber. It hadn't always bothered him as much, when he had only had dreamless sleep. Draco's nights weren't like that anymore, they were absolutely consumed with her. He dreamed of her every night, and they were all very good dreams if he did say so himself.

 The only thing he actually hated worse than the mornings was running. Which was ironic as running was the reason he had to wake up so unnaturally early yesterday, today, and for most of the foreseeable future. It was unexpected, he had thought being a seeker would be nothing like it used to be. However, he was sadly mistaken. Seekers were built slender; it helped with the speed. Speed which was now hard for him on a broom due to his weight. The muscles he had grown from his time in Azkaban had become a nuisance. He was still fast. Definitely faster than Potter, yet again he figured he would be fast than that ignorant shit on his worst day. However, he strived to be the greatest. 

He had always strived to be the greatest at everything he had tipped his hat at. Unfortunately for him he had usually come short. He had come short for years as he tried to be first in his classes. Only occasionally beating Granger at potions. He had come short in his quidditch career at the school, as Potter weaseled his way into playing first year, while Draco had not been able to. Potter than continued to mess that up with only what Draco could figure was cheating. He was absolutely convinced that the scarhead had a secret stash of liquid luck that he most likely drank at the beginning of every match. That was the only logical way that Potter would have ever been able to beat Draco. He came short in his task from the dark lord. He has been unable to kill a weak man. He even came short when it came to being his father's favorite child, Lyra took that role, for both his parents. 

Draco wasn't taking any chances this year. After he had decided to grace the team with his presence, he had decided he would be the absolute best. He was going to crush Potter, and the rest of the ridiculous Gryffindors on the Quidditch pitch. Surely, he would be the one carrying the Quidditch cup at the end of the year. So here he was, at the ungodly hour of six in the morning, fucking running around the grounds. 

He knew he looked like an absolute fool as he ran. He was wearing what Theodore had given him for workout clothes. As he hadn't packed any at the beginning of the year and the more appropriate articles he had ordered had yet to arrive. He was wearing what Theodore had called basketball shorts. Whatever the fuck that was. Theodore had told him it was a muggle sport where one had to throw a ball into a basket. What a stupid sport. Draco knew he would absolutely dominate that sport. Simply throwing a ball into a basket? Draco could do that in his sleep. Muggles were so very simple it was almost amusing. Paired with the horrid basketball shorts was what Theodore had called a wife beater, or as Draco called it an undershirt. Why a muggle would want to wear a shirt called a wife beater was beyond him. Perhaps only Muggles who beat their wives wore the style shirt. Perhaps it was a common practice amongst them to beat their wives. He would not be shocked. Paired with the ridiculous ensemble, was a simple pair of trainers Draco was glad he had brought. There was so knowing what kind of muggle nonsense Theodore would have pulled out of his ass. 

Of course, he was wearing the same black scrunchie on his wrist. He had only taken it off to shower. He knew it looked a little funny on him, but it was hers. It was his way of showing her, and anyone else who bothered to look at him, that he was fully involved with her. That he was hers in anyways that she would have him 

Which he was learning, was just as a friend. Maybe even less. Most of the time she treated him like a study buddy and nothing more. This was another facet of his life that he had determined he would not come short in this time. He would beat the competition, which only seemed to be Weasley. Really there should have been more than that, Granger was the most exquisite creature he had ever laid eyes on. He saw the other lads looked at her, but she didn't do much as glance at them. He didn't mind them looking so much, it was that filthy ginger’s looks that truly bugged him. He looked at her like she was a piece of meat. 

Theodore had once told him that Muggles believed Gingers had no souls. Draco had been skeptical at first, how could one lose their soul without making a horcrux? However, after watching the disgrace called the Weasley family, he was convinced that the muggles were correct for the first time. Gingers had no souls. Or at least gingers with the last name Weasley.

Nevertheless, he was jogging through the wind and the light rain, more like a mistake actually. He only had one thing on his mind. The upcoming Halloween party. It would surely be a grand event. He was determined to show Granger a good time, to show her what he could offer her. 

A part of him had been tempted to buy her something absolutely ridiculously expensive just to show her he could. He had briefly considered buying her a pet peacock. However he remembered she had that raggedy cat, and he was entirely sure if peacocks and cats got along. Not to mention he didn't think she had a place to house the peacock. He then considered buying her a more suitable cat, that is a cat that was not actually alive. He was tempted to buy her a cat made entirely of gold. Just to show her he could afford it. However he quickly realized the gold cat would be very heavy and Granger was not very strong. He doubted she would even be able to get it up the stairs to the Gryffindor Tower. So, the gold cat along with the peacock was scratched. He had finally decided on one thing. A petrified dragon egg. It was ridiculously expensive; something that would really show her money was no object to him. He could buy her the world if she desired. Something pathetic that Weasley could never do. 

He just wasn't sure who's appropriate to give gifts on Halloween. However, it was too late. The dragon egg was ordered and due to arrive any day now. Pansy head gawked when she told him when she got Granger, telling him that no girl would want a dud dragon egg.

He ran for about forty-five minutes. At which point he felt his lungs were about to explode and his legs were about to give out. So he went back into the castle, covered in a coat of sweat. It was nearly 7:00 in the morning, he didn't think anybody would really be up for breakfast yet. Breakfast would only just be starting, and who in their right mind would be up at this ungodly hour?

That question was quickly answered as he spotted the familiar head of brown curls. In a panic he quickly moved, hiding in a nearby cove. He didn't want her to see her like this. Dressed in this muggle rubbish, covered in his own sweat, his hair more disheveled than it usually was. He had never looked more like a peasant before in his life. He probably looked, and no doubt smelt homeless. If she had seen him like this, she might have mistaken him for a Weasley. That was something he was unwilling to do. So, he hid and he watched her walk into the Great Hall. 

Was she always up this early? She almost always beat him down to breakfast, but he had figured that was just because he always woke up late. He had never actually considered the possibility she was waking up at this ungodly hour and getting to breakfast first. 

He couldn't help but admire her as she walked. Watching as her hips swayed ever so slightly, her long luscious legs taking step by step. Oh how he wanted those legs wrapped around his waist as he plowed into her or wrapped around his head. He was relieved that she wasn't wearing robes today, instead she was wearing a Gryffindor sweater that clung to her, her perky tits bouncing ever so slightly as she walked. He could feel himself getting aroused just watching her, as often happened to him. He wanted nothing more than to grab her and pull her into this alcove. He wouldn't even need her to touch him, he was sure he would bust in his pants if she just let him touch her a little bit. Just his hands on her breasts, maybe just one finger feelings her slit. It wasn't much, but it would definitely get him off. 

He shook his head. He would look like such a fool if it ever came to that. How was he supposed to touch her? He'd been confident before; he had told himself he had read enough dirty books and watched one dirty muggle film. He would know what to do. But he severely doubted himself. He would make himself look like a silly boy in front of her. The thought of her realizing just how pathetic he truly was, was enough to get his growing erection to go down on its own. 

After she was fully in the Great Hall and there was no chance of her seeing her, he left his alcove. He stomped down to the dungeons not caring who saw him in this ridiculous outfit. The only person's opinion even mattered slightly to him was already in the Great Hall and would not see him. He even glared at Blaise and Pansy in the common room as he passed them and gave them the finger. Not to be rude but because Pansy was giving him a dirty look. She looked mortified to see the Malfoy heir in muggle rubbish.

He quickly took off the stupid clothes, as he stripped for the shower. He was happy to be out of them, he hoped his new running clothes would soon arrive so he wouldn't have to wear them again. He carefully placed the black scrunchie on his towel.

He let the hot water splash over him, feeling the sensation over his body. The hot water loosening his tense muscles. It was supposed to be relaxing. But the only thing he could only think about was what an idiot he was. Why had even asked her to go to the Halloween party with him? She would probably cancel anyway. If she didn't, he would just make a fool of himself. Maybe he should cancel on her. 

He didn't want to take a girl on a date. It had never come up. Sure, he took Pansy to the yule ball but that felt more like taking a sister to something.

Why had he even bothered? It's not like she even liked him anyways. She'd probably said yes out of pity. He hated that he knew that she pitted him. He didn't know where it stemmed from, likely from her knowledge of his time and Azkaban. He didn't want her fucking pity. It made him feel so fucking pathetic, like less of a man. Like she saw him as some poor woodland creature or some shit.

He wasn't a poor woodland creature. He had gotten exactly what he deserved. He had been a death eater, he had taken the dark mark, he had done things she didn't even know he was capable of. Things he wasn't going to fucking tell her. 

She didn't want to date him. She said yes out of pity. Or worse. Maybe she didn't realize that he was asking her on a date. Maybe she thought he had meant as friends. Fuck friends. He had enough of those. 

It was only a matter of time before she got smart about him and stopped letting him hang around her. Before she would tell him to scram and stay away from her.

Maybe he should just cancel and stop talking to her all together. That would be the best thing to do. He wasn't long for this world anyways, he knew that. He just didn't know when he would actually man the fuck up and finally end it.

He knew he had to get everything in order first. Make sure his mother and Lyra got everything, make sure the Malfoy fortune would pass to them. He had to go to a priest; he had to confess his sins. He wasn't sure if he even believed in God or any of that nonsense. But on the off chance it was all true, he didn't want to take more chances. Not that he thought he was going to heaven. But he had done a few redeemable things, that had to count for something. If all of that was real maybe he would be spared hell and sent to purgatory for all eternity. He could live with that. 

Either way, anything would have to be better than the hell he was living in. He couldn't bring Granger down with him. It was stupid for him to even try. He wasn't planning on being around long term. Granger, quidditch, classes, all of it meant nothing. He didn't even fucking know why he was trying.

He banged his head against the shower tile as he thought about how he would do it. Trying to make the thoughts go away. He didn't like to think of that. He would figure that out when he was ready. Maybe poison, maybe he would hang himself, was it possible to avada oneself? He kept hitting it as hard as he could over and over again, only stopping when he saw blood dripping down his forehead. 

He sighed and let it bleed for a while, not caring. He deserved the pain. He washed his body and hair letting the blood drip in at an alarmingly fast rate. He got out of the shower putting the scrunchie on his wrist. Ignoring the lightheaded sensation. He only froze when he saw how huge the gash on his head actually was. 

He walked into his dorm where Theodore was facing away, getting ready. “Hey, should I wear my dragonhide shoes today, or the leather ones handmade by elves? I want to look good for-” he stopped himself as he looked over at Draco 

Draco who was casually putting on boxers. Letting his blood seep from his head and get all over the floor. He deserved this, the pain. At any rate it stopped him from thinking about anything else and that could only be a good thing.

“What the fuck did you do?” Theodore said in a worried tone.

Draco shrugged and joked “I ran into a door.”

“This isn't fucking funny. What the fuck is wrong with you?” He hissed, grabbing his wand and marching over to Draco. “You're fucking crazy Draco! I can't believe you fucking did this again!”

Draco paused. Again? Draco had never done this; he had never banged his head against a wall until he bled. This was something new. Unless he was going crazy, which he was certain he was not. “What does that mean?”

Theodore shook his head muttering a few healing spells, pointing his wand at Draco's head. Not answering Draco. Draco ignored him for the most part as he worked, getting into his clothes, his movements making it harder for Theodore.

Theodore finished “At least it's not bleeding anymore, but it's going to leave a mark.”

“What did you mean again?” He asked once Theo was finished. 

“Nothing. I don't know why I said that.” He lied. He had always been a terrible liar. “Let's just go to breakfast.”

Draco sighed; he didn't like being lied to. But he wasn't in a mood to pick a fight with Theodore to question him. So instead, he shrugged “I don't think I'm going to my classes today.”

“Why not?” Theo scolded like a mother, being very unlike his usual happy go lucky self.

“Because I don't feel like it. Maybe I'll go back to sleep. I am very tired after waking up at the crack of dawn.”

Theo only rolled his eyes “But you have to go. You joined the quidditch team and for you to keep your spot you have to make good grades, not to mention have good attendance.”

“My attendance and marks are impeccable. Thank you very much.” Draco said, rolling his eyes but grabbing his book bag, nonetheless. He slung it on and grabbed his notebook along with his current read The Two Towers. 

He trudged along with Theo, he accidentally looked in the mirror as they exited, getting a glimpse of a very nasty mark on his face.

They made their way up the stairs out of the dungeon into the warm Great Hall. Draco was quick to serve himself some lemon cakes, and cherry danishes. His favorite breakfast. He drank his tea and ate. Ignoring Theodore, Pansy, and Blaise as he did every morning. Today's topic of discussion seemed to be about his mornings wardrobe choice. All Pansy could do was act like it was a national tragedy, or that was gist he got from it. 

He rolled his eyes at Pansy, and instead focused his eyes on the Gryffindor table, where she was. She wasn't alone as she had often been these past few weeks. Instead, she was sitting with Potter, the two idiot gingers were sitting further down the table. She was talking to Potter, she didn't look happy, but at least she wasn't crying as she had been the other day when he saw them talking. He was still suspicious that Potter had upset her that day.

He watched her through breakfast instead of reading as he usually did. Watching her was more entertaining. The way her brows furrowed as she looked more serious, the small smirk she got once in a while. He knew that look. She got it when she thought she was right.

Watching her made all the unsavory thoughts of that morning leave his brain, as they often did when she was around. It was hard to think about anything other than her. She was bright, like the sun, and nothing dark could exist around her 

He rose at the same time he saw her, gathering his belongings as she did. He walked quickly to catch her, to meet her. So they could walk to History of Magic class together that morning. 

He had to stop himself from smiling as he got to her. “Morning, Granger.” He said, trying to sound neutral.

“Good morning, Draco, how- oh my God what happened to your face?” She asked, seeing the mark left on his face.

He shrugged, acting nonchalant “Oh nothing.” Draco had always been a very good liar “Bludger hit me last night at quidditch practice. It bled like a bitch.”

Granger nodded, believing him. 

He stood close to her, close enough to touch her if she wanted to. He silently went with her to class. Happiness spread through him as he realized he would at least have one more day in her presence.

Chapter Text

October 29th, 1998, again, 57 days until December 25th

57 days had already passed since she went back in time to save Draco Malfoy, and now only 57 days lay ahead of her. 57 days, that was all the time she had left to try and save him. To try and convince him to live. She couldn't comprehend how she was going to succeed. She was already halfway through the time she was given, and she felt like she hadn't gotten very far with Draco. She hadn't even begun to scratch the surface of him, his personality, what made him do what he had done. It wasn't exactly easy to do. Draco Malfoy was not an open book. If anything, he was a closed book, tightly closed. He rarely gave her any information about himself, other than inconsequential things, like how he told her yesterday in herbology that he hated most berries. It was nothing that was actually useful to her, but it was all he would give her. She needed more time; 57 days was not going to be enough time.

Her morning had not exactly started in the peaceful way she had hoped. It had started like all her other mornings. She had been woken up early from another nightmare. Last night's starring Bellatrix, her old nightmares coming back. She got ready and came to breakfast. She had only been halfway through eating when mail was delivered. To her surprise a letter landed right next to her, a small and elegant looking black owl had dropped it. She hadn't even been aware owls could look elegant before that. The owl had other mail, an envelope and box, in its claws. After dropping her letter, she watched the small black owl fly over to the Slytherin and drop the rest of its mail to Draco.

She had a feeling who her letter was from before she had even gotten the chance to open it. Upon picking it up it was addressed in black ink written in calligraphy “ Miss. Hermione Granger. ” The envelope and letter itself felt thick and the material expensive. She opened it quickly, noticing the Malfoy family crest stamped into the wax on the back.

Miss Granger,

I'm writing to again thank you for all of the hard work and dedication I am sure you are putting into my son. I have been informed you put dedication into everything you do and I'm sure this task is nothing less. I have been in contact with Draco and while he doesn't mention you his letters have been more substantial than they were in the past. My dear Theodore tells me you and Draco have grown close in the last weeks, it makes me glad you seem to care. However, you are halfway to Christmas Day, as I'm sure you realized. While you may have worked your way into becoming Draco's acquaintance, I'm not convinced my son will be alive come boxing day. I'm not convinced you are doing quite enough or putting in the dedication you do to other tasks. Therefore, I am writing to not only thank you but offer you a higher incentive. While I know the ministry gave you some money after the war it would not be enough to sustain yourself long term. However, if my son lives to boxing day, I am prepared to have more money than you can spend in one lifetime wired to you, along with the deed to a wonderful property in the French Riviera. Please keep this in mind during the next eight weeks. However, if my son is not alive do be assured that I will do my best to make sure your life is as difficult as possible. While the Malfoy name may be tarnished in some circles, be sure it still holds great power. I am already losing my husband this December, I refuse to lose my boy as well. Save him no matter what you must do. 

Regards,

Narcissa Anastasia Malfoy.

Needless to say, Hermione had a lot to consider the rest of the day after reading that. In fact, her classes all flew by after she read the letter. She had already been dreading what would happen on Christmas Day, now it seemed even worse. While she certainly wanted no reward for saving Draco, she wasn't doing it for a prize, she wasn't in a position to refuse money. But she certainly did not like being threatened, she did not take that lightly at all. There was no need to threaten her in the first place, Hermione was going to do her best. She was going to do anything she could to save Draco. She did not need to be reminded by Narcissa Malfoy that time was running out. 

It was a Thursday; she was meant to meet up with Theodore that night to talk about Draco. Eight o'clock at the astronomy tower. She was hesitant to get eager at the same time to meet with Theodore. They hadn't actually been able to meet in a while, he had been very busy with Quidditch practice. However, Theodore had been spending a lot of time with Draco lately. As they were now both on the team together and practicing constantly. 

Hermione and Draco spent time together during classes. Since they had made up a week ago, they had sat together in every class. However, there wasn't a lot of room for talking. Not when Draco so intently listened and took notes. She couldn't blame him for that though. If she hadn't already lived through this term, knowing the information, she would have been listening and taking us just as diligently as him. She still did take notes, just as a refresher, to ensure she would still stay at the top of her classes. 

Outside of class they went to the library but only what seems like every few days. As she knew he was busy with Quidditch. Busier than he usually would have been with it, he hadn't played in years. Not actual playing that is. He had quit being the secret for the Slytherin team at the beginning of sixth year. It was hard to remember a time he had been on the team. Those memories, those times seemed so childish to her. Sometimes it was like a different version of her had lived those times. 

He had to practice more; he had to retrain his body to be a seeker. He had to relearn how to fly on a broom at top speeds, how to spot a snitch and catch it before someone else could. He had explained this to her the other day at the library. She hadn't even asked him why they couldn't hang out together, she didn't ask why he was practicing so much. She hadn't wanted to seem desperate or clingy to him. He told her on his own, like he could sense the worry and questions she had about his schedule. He assured her that after the first match he would have more time for her.

She had been surprised when he told her that. The first match was scheduled after Halloween, their project in Ancient Runes would be over by then. They wouldn't be forced to be around each other anymore. Maybe he realized how pathetic she was to spend time with him and decided to be graceful about it.

She hadn't been able to talk to Harry, to get him alone since the day she told him. That had been five days ago. She felt like she had been going crazy. She had been so unsure of what Harry was thinking, of what he would do. She almost regretted telling him the truth. She couldn't really regret telling him; Harry was a good person. Not just a good person, he was the best person she knew. He would not want Draco dead; Harry wouldn't want that. No matter what they had been through, Harry would surely be able to look past their childhood rivalry and look at the bigger picture. Draco was going to kill himself if nobody stepped in. Harry couldn't be mad about that; Harry wouldn't try to stop her from stopping Draco. She was mostly worried that Harry would have told Ron or Ginny for that matter. Harry had never been able to keep a secret from Ron, not well at least. Ron knowing would be a complete disaster, Ron would feel no remorse and no sympathy for Draco Malfoy. Unlike Harry, Ron would want Draco dead. In fact, Ron would probably try to stop Hermione from even trying to save him. Hermione was sure that Ronald would celebrate if Draco killed himself. She hadn't actually seen Ron the first time Draco had done it. Ron had been gone at the borrow for Christmas break. Unlike her who had stayed at the castle. She wondered what his reaction had been, she could guess. He had probably been happy, no, not probably. He had definitely been gleeful. She was relieved she didn't see it; she wasn't sure if she would ever be able to look at Ron the same if she had seen it for herself. 

Either way, she had been so relieved that afternoon when Harry approached her as she left her last class of the afternoon. Harry was alone for a change. Ron and Ginny must have been busy. Giving her money time with her best friend. Something she needed. 

He began walking with her, without questioning where they were going that she headed down to the library. She knew Draco wouldn't be there. She was just going out of habit. She usually went there every day before dinner. The halls were crowded, people were all around Harry nervously looking around them, she knew that look. It was the look he gave when he wanted to talk to her without others around. So, she stayed silent as they walked to the library, it wouldn't be crowded there. The library had been emptier this year than any year in the past. Students were more excited about winning the war, about being able to live their lives without fear, school didn't matter as much to them. For a change they just wanted to be young and free. Oftentimes it was just her and Draco in the library. It had been that way even the first time she lived this year.

They got to the library in very little time, silently walking to the back. To a familiar table herself, Harry, and Ron often sit at in years past. Bring times where they had been studying for school or for a solution to whatever problem they had gotten into that year. And been a spot where nobody else went, not even in years past. They went there for privacy. They were usually free to talk about whatever they wanted there with the knowledge they would not be overheard. The table sat at the back of the library near the harmful herbology section, a section she had learned was very rarely visited. Other than Neville Longbottom who often visited the section.

To her great surprise Harry spoke first “Okay, I've been thinking about this a lot.  About Malfoy I mean.”

Hermione nodded back eagerly, “You have? That's good. What are you thinking? Are you mad at me for-”

Harry abruptly cut her off, something he rarely did. “Mad? Blimey, of course I'm not mad. You're doing the right thing Hermione. Not even Malfoy deserves to feel like he has to end his life. I mean I didn't go through all the trouble of speaking at his trial for him to piss away his life like this.”

Hermione gave him a half smile, she had almost forgotten Harry testified on Draco's behalf all those months ago. “That's right, you did testify for him.”

He nodded his head in reply, “Anyways, more importantly. It's definitely not what Dumbledore would have wanted. Dumbledore would have wanted us to help Malfoy.”

Hermione had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Harry thought so highly of Dumbledore. At one time she did the same. Before she had done some long and thoughtful thinking after the war. Dumbledore had used him, not just Harry either, her and Ron and other students as well. Dumbledore had known Harry wasn't fighting alone, he knew that Hermione and Ron wouldn't let Harry go alone. There had been plenty of things Dumbledore could have protected them from, could have warned them about at the very least. However, he hadn't, he had let them walk into danger blind time and time again. All for what? To try to train them for war. They had been children, before the war during all of the stupid tasks and horrible events they had been through. They had been children during the war; they were only seventeen and forced to do what not even grown witches and wizards would do. She however could not voice her opinion to Harry. Not ever. Harry idolized the man, and Hermione was not going to crush that. So instead, she simply nodded. “Mhmmm.” She simply agreed.

Harry quietly said, “I do have a few questions though.”

She nodded her head looking at Harry, at her best friend since she was eleven. “Of course, ask anything.”

Harry nodded and asked in a quiet voice, “You said Theodore Nott is doing this as well? As in he went back in time with you?”

Hermione nodded her head then corrected “Not exactly, he went with his own time turner, and I went with my own. Both were given by Narcissa Malfoy.”

He took a second before asking his next question. “How did Malfoy… you know, do it the first time?”

She winced at the question “I already told you that Harry, he slit his wrists. I'm not sure the exact details as I was not there for it. I don't even remember seeing him that day before he did that, I don't remember seeing him at the feast or anything. I wasn't exactly paying attention to him this year for the first time.”

“Yeah, he actually seems different this year,” He begun “Not so loud and obnoxious. It actually reminds me a lot of how he was in sixth year. I spent a lot of that year watching him. He was just as quiet and withdrawn. Maybe less, he talked to Crabbe and Goyle and then, but this year I don't even see him talking to his friends. I only see him talk to you sometimes in classes. He's also not as sneaky and suspicious as he was in sixth year. I suppose that's because he's not sneaking about the castle like he was then.”

She nodded her head. Remembering how worried she had been about Draco Malfoy during their sixth year, something which had seemed so silly to Harry and Ron. But it was true. He hadn't looked like he had in previous years. She hadn't been convinced he was a death eater that year, as Harry had been. She had actually believed he was seriously ill or something. He looked like hell all of sixth year. He looked the same now, just bigger, much larger than he had looked then.

Harry smirked a little bit, seeming to drop a little of the seriousness. “Okay, one more question. Are you two really friends, or are you just pretending for his sake?”

That made her freeze, made her seriously think about it. She wasn't even sure herself if they were truly friends or not. She supposed they were in a way. She couldn't make up her mind, a part of her always went back and forth on what she would do when this was over, would she just drop him, or keep coming around him? It depended a lot on how he acted. Some days she didn't want to be around him and others she couldn't get enough of him. “I'm not sure Harry.” She truthfully answered, not meeting Harry's gaze.

Harry smiled at her brightly, giving her the smile that could warm ice. “I want to help.” Harry declared confidently. 

Hermione gave him another smile, this time a true and meaningful smile. “Really? That would be wonderful Harry. How?”

“In any way you need. In any way you take help. I know that Malfoy and I aren't exactly friends and never will be. I mean it's not like I can go up to him and say, ‘hey mate what's going on?’ But I can help you.” 

She nodded, Draco absolutely would not appreciate Harry talking to him. In fact, he would probably be insulted if Harry came up to him and acted like they were friends. “Yeah, maybe you shouldn't talk to Draco.”

“So, what can I do to help?” Harry asked, sounding eager to help. It was just like him to be eager to help her. A part of her was convinced that Harry wasn't happy unless he was helping something, or someone. That's why he was going to one day make an amazing auror.

“Um I'm not really sure if there is anything you can do, right now. Oh, maybe you can not tell Ron, or Ginny. This has to stay between us, I'm sure you understand why.” She said casually, she was worried he already told them, but she wouldn't just accuse him.

Harry nodded, seeming to agree with her statement. Giving her hope that maybe he had not told anyone yet. “Yeah, of course I won't tell them.”

She smiled at him “Thank you Harry, I really do appreciate it.”

He nodded and sat there, looking thoughtfully for a second. “Ron has been so upset lately. About you, and Malfoy. He really seems to think that you two are together or something. It's killing him Hermione, I mean he's still in love with you. To him you broke his heart.”

Hermione sighed and shook her head “Harry, listen, Ron is just my friend. I don't want to be with him like that.”

Harry nodded “Yeah, I get that. But you have to see how much you're hurting him. I mean you don't even come around him anymore. Don't you care about his feelings?”

She sighed again, getting more annoyed with this conversation. “No, I actually don't. Ronald has done this to himself. He's made it uncomfortable to be around him. He has made his hatred of Draco and Theodore for that matter very clear. I mean Ron says the worst things to them and he never cares about who he is hurting.”

Harry frowned “He has been through so much Hermione, I mean he lost his brother.”

“We've all been through a lot.” She retorted. “I lost my parents. I'm not being a complete ass like he is to others.” Harry opened his mouth to reply but she cut him off standing up. “I'm sorry but I must get going now. I'll see you later.”

She didn't give him any time to reply, or to get her to stay back with him. Instead, she stood up and grabbed her bag, slinging it over her shoulder before going up to the Gryffindor tower, feeling exhausted. She went to her dorm; it was only four. She had enough time to take a nap before she had to go to dinner and meet with Theodore. She did just that, she curled into her bed and slept. 

When she woke from her dreamless nap it was dark outside and glancing at her clock, she read the time 7:58. She had missed dinner. Which she didn't really care about, she wasn't hungry anyways. She would be late to meet Theodore but that didn't really matter. 

She put her hair in a messy ponytail and grabbed her bag, still half asleep as she left her dorm. She wasn't looking forward to meeting with Theodore. She was still exhausted, both mentally and physically, she wanted nothing more than to crawl back into her bed. She was looking forward to getting this over with.

She wasn't even halfway to the astronomy tower, where they had planned to meet when she stopped as she saw Theodore was rushing over to her. “Where have you been?” He asked, sounding upset, a tone he never used before, at least not around her. “You weren't in the library or at dinner.”

“Calm down, I was napping.” She said, yawning. “I'm not even late yet.”

He grabbed her wrist pulling her in the opposite direction from the astronomy tower. She tried to pull away, not liking Theodore grabbing her and pulling her “What are you doing?”

“Hurry up.” He snapped, walking faster, pulling harder.

“Where the hell do you think you're taking me?” She asked, still trying to break his grip.

He rushed as he spoke pulling her up a staircase “To the fucking hospital wing.”

“Why?” She asked, confused.

“Because Draco is there, he fell off of his broom during practice.”

Chapter Text

October 31st, 1998, again, 55 days until December 25th

As a child dressing up for Halloween had always been a favorite of Hermione's. From her very first Halloween, only a little more than a month old and her parents had dressed her as a pumpkin, to when she was five years old and dressed up as Cinderella, then again when she was six, and again at seven. She stopped dressing up when she went to Hogwarts, she had always heard of the Slytherin party, she watched girls like Lavender Brown and Romilda Vane dress up and go, but never her. She didn't Halloweens at the castle with Ron and Harry, neither of which would be caught dead at a Slytherin party. Last year when they were on the run, Harry had tried to cheer her up. Ron had just left only a few weeks before. Harry had stolen some candy while they were on a food run, somehow without her noticing. They stayed up late, eating candy together and talking about the good times. They didn't discuss the horcruxes or Ron leaving them. They laughed and talked until they fell asleep.

She looked down at her bed, looking over her options and frowning. All week she had no clue what to dress up as, until earlier that morning when Ginny decided to help. Ginny had leant her a black dress that was too low cut for Hermione's liking, a pair of black heels, and vampire teeth. Hermione wasn't sure why Ginny thought the dress and heels were necessary for a vampire costume, but Ginny told her it was Halloween. Apparently, Halloween was the time of year for girls to dress in revealing clothes, it was not only accepted but expected.

At first Hermione had been hesitant about the whole thing. She had never been that kind of girl; she had never had that kind of confidence in her body or looks. However, she had come around. Afterall it was her last Halloween that she would still be in school, and the first she was going to a party. She decided she might as well try to let loose and have fun. She hated the part of herself that didn't want to wear the dress, or the heels. She was worried about what others would think about her, how she would look to them. Not just others, one person especially, the one who invited her to the party. What if Draco Malfoy thought she looked ridiculous?

She tried not to care about what he thought of her. She had told herself she wasn't going to let herself have any feelings for him, but it was hard. Almost impossible actually. He made her feel things that nobody else had even come close to making her feel in the past. She felt like a silly school girl some days, when she caught herself staring at him. Looking at his warm grey eyes, she couldn't believe she ever found them cold and unwelcoming. His eyes were warm and comforting. She found herself so often looking at his face, admiring his bone structure. Draco Malfoy was without a doubt the most attractive man, or person, she had ever come across in her life. It had just taken her eight years to figure it out. She hated to remember at a time she actually found him unattractive, or plain. Now she couldn't stop thinking about him. 

It wasn't healthy for her to feel this about him. She wasn't supposed to feel anything for him or want him. It certainly wasn't the reason Narcissa Malfoy sent her back to save him. Draco wouldn't want her anyways; he was probably going to marry some beautiful pureblood witch after school. Hermione found herself so envious of this witch she didn't even know yet. Whoever got to have him was the luckiest witch in the world. Hermione hated her already.

She began to dress, with shaky hands. She was supposed to be meeting Draco at five and it was already half past four. She wasn't even close to ready; all she had done to prepare was shower. She dressed slowly, taking her time. 

She was nervous to see him, she hadn't seen him yet that day. She had skipped breakfast, and he wasn't at lunch. She knew he likely had more quidditch practice, the next match was only a week away. He was fine, even after the so-called accident a few days ago. 

Theodore had scared her; she had practically run to the hospital wing with Theodore on her heels. Only to find Draco propped up in a bed drinking pumpkin juice from a crazy straw, and physically fine. He had popped a toe out of place and sprained the same toe, he had only fallen ten feet. It wasn't nearly as dramatic as Theodore made it out to be. It took Madam Pomfrey less than two hours to fully heal him. 

After she had the dress on, she put on black sheer tights, she wasn't comfortable having her bare skin so exposed. She decided to wear her hair down, using multiple glamour charms to tame her curls, making them smoothed down. She kept her makeup to a minimum as she did every day, only covering blemishes and applying lip gloss and mascara. At times like this she wished she could put on more makeup, but in truth she didn't know how. She wasn't even very good at what little makeup she did know how to apply. She felt ridiculous as she put the fake teeth on, Ginny had gotten them from George who made them as a prototype for a new product. The teeth stuck to her real teeth immediately. The charm that had been on the adhesive assured they'd stay on all night.

She grabbed her bag and made her way out of the dorm she shared with Ginny. She felt overly self conscious as she walked down the stairs and in the common room. She could feel eyes on her, she knew how ridiculous she must have looked. She wasn't the kind of girl to dress in a dress so short, and low cut. The black dress clung to her like a second skin, coming up to her mid thigh the cut in the neckline dipping low, showing off more of her cleavage than she ever did. She was grateful the dress had sleeves, something she was sure Ginny had made sure the dress had, to cover her ugly, scarred skin. She ignored everyone in the common room as she walked as quickly as she could, leaving the crowded room. 

As she walked through the portrait, she felt a horrible pang in her stomach and throat. What if Draco didn't show up? What if he stood her up? What if he had something better to do? Maybe it was all a joke to him, something to laugh about later, how he had stood up the stupid mudblood. 

All of her worries were all immediately remedied. Standing right outside of the fat lady's portrait was Draco. He stood tall, casually leaning against the stone wall. His eyes were immediately on her, looking her up and down. Usually, it would have made her feel even more self conscious, but she couldn't even process her feelings. He was standing there, dressed in his usual fucking uniform. Draco wasn't dressed up at all. All she could feel was anger, it was a Halloween party. He had told her everyone usually dressed up, where was his costume? 

Draco was still looking her up and down. His tongue darted out, licking his lips. He spoke in a deep voice, deeper than he usually used. “Christ, you look good, Granger.”

Before she could stop herself, she was glaring at him, ignoring his compliment, ignoring the look in his eyes, and snapped at him. “Where the hell is your costume?”

Draco smirked at her, and casually shrugged, pushing himself off of the stone wall. “I am already in my costume; I'm dressed as a Ravenclaw student.” He pointed to his tie that she had not noticed before, his usual green and silver tie was replaced with a blue and silver one.

She blinked a few times, staring at his so-called costume. She rolled her eyes and bit back a reply that would not be considered kind. She couldn't believe him, she had actually dressed up, and he showed up in his regular uniform. 

Draco pushed himself off of the wall he began walking, and she followed suit. Like he always did when they walked together, he slowed his walking speed down to match hers. He kept on glancing down at her as they walked, his eyes looking her up and down, he wasn't even trying to be subtle.

She should have felt insecure, but that hungry look in his eyes, it made her feel beautiful. He made her feel like she was desirable.

As they made their way down the tower, she felt the need to break the tense silence. “Where did you even get that tie?” She asked him.

Draco rolled his eyes and spoke in his usual bored tone. “I bought it, obviously.”

She let out a small sigh “Yes, but when? Before the school year? Have you been planning your costume since then?”

He rolled his eyes and shook his head, actually letting out a small chuckle. “No, I bought it from a Ravenclaw first year this morning. The lad acted like he had never seen a few galleons before in his life. I nearly mistaken him for a Weasley.”

She ignored his joke about the Weasleys, she hated how he thought so low of them. The family had always been so good to her and Harry. Instead of starting a fight about it, she changed the subject. “Why did you pick that costume?” 

Draco held open the door to the main corridor as they walked through it, acting like the gentleman he was no doubt raised to be. “Well, Ravenclaw is the only other tolerable house. I certainly wasn't going to dress as a fucking Gryffindor, it would make my ancestors roll in their graves. Don't even get me started on Hufflepuffs, for one yellow is not my color, and more importantly no self-respecting man would ever want to dress as one for even one night.”

“It's hardly a costume, I mean you literally only changed your tie.”

He only shrugged as they entered the great hall to the feast. He looked down at her, eyeing her as he asked her with only a slight shake in his voice “You're going to sit with me, right?”

She nodded her head, “Yeah, I thought that was the plan.” Without another word he began to walk towards the Slytherin table. She glanced at the Gryffindor table as he began to lead the way to the Slytherin table. Harry and Ginny were sitting together, Ron next to them glaring at her as she walked behind Draco. She quickly looked away, instead looking at Draco's muscular back.

They sat at his usual place at the table, where she occasionally came to sit with them at lunch, under the ruse she was hanging out with Theodore. Draco didn't acknowledge any of his friends as he sat down, he only grabbed two plates from the center and put one in front of her and began to get his food.

Hermione looked at his friends. Across from her and Draco, Pansy Parkinson was dressed up, in a small purple fairy costume. Her lilac purple dress looked like it was made from sheer fabrics, the scattered sparkles that adorned the dress made it shimmer in the lights. Next to Pansy, her devoted boyfriend Blaise Zabini was in his usual clothes only he had a large net on a stick. She was a fairy, and he was a fairy catcher. The couple, as usual, were whispering to each other, Blaise’s hands constantly on Pansy.

Next to Draco, Theodore Nott was dressed in a skeleton costume she had seen frequently as a child in muggle stores. Theodore was hardly eating. His eyes were on the Ravenclaw table on Luna Lovegood. 

As they sat down Theodore smiled brightly at them “You look great Hermione.” 

She smiled back at Theodore, while he still annoyed her to no end, she was finding that he did have a very contagious smile. “Thank you, Theodore. You look great too.”

He smirked smugly “Oh I know.” The brown haired boy looked at Draco and rolled his eyes “Really, no costume again?”

Draco shrugged while grabbing a large turkey leg and took a bite. After swallowing he said “I am dressed up. I'm a Ravenclaw.”

Theodore in response shook his head and made a disapproving tisking sound “That's not a costume”

Draco gave no reply and kept eating his turkey leg. Hermione was used to this. Draco rarely talked to his friends, he talked to her more than he did them and even then he was often very short and to the point.

Theodore kept speaking, not bothered by Draco's lack of response. “He never dresses up. He had never dressed up once for Halloween. Not even when we were kids, even before we went to Hogwarts. We'd all be dressed up for Halloween and Draco would be dressed as the perfect Malfoy heir as usual.”

Hermione shook her head imagining it. She couldn't help but wonder if it had been his choice or one his parents chose for him. 

Draco sat close to Hermione as he ate, biting into a turkey leg. It annoyed her that even as he ate that, he had all the elegance and manors of the aristocratic he was raised to be. She couldn't look half as graceful on her best day. He was close enough their thighs were touching under the table; she could feel the warmth radiating off of his body. She could smell his familiar and intoxicating scent. It made her nervous to be so close to him, she had been so careful lately to leave space between them. She wasn't used to being right next to him. 

She got a few pieces of roasted chicken and a few roasted potatoes. She could only eat a few bites throughout the feast. Being so close to him made her heart rate speed up, if she didn't know better, she would swear her heart was skipping beats. He didn't talk to her, nor did she talk to him. He was too busy eating as he finished the turkey leg and began to eat pastry after pastry. 

She felt like a silly school girl being so nervous around him. It was only Draco; she tried to tell herself. He was just her friend, if she could even consider him that. They would never be more than they, she couldn't let that happen. Besides, he would never want her the way she wanted him so badly. She wasn't even sure if anybody else had talked to her or Draco during the feast. She didn't hear them even if they did, she was too concentrated on him, on trying not to be overwhelmed by merely his presence. 

It was fruitless, all she could do, all she wanted to do was lean in closer, allowing herself just this one time next to him. She deeply inhaled, deciding that without a doubt he was her favorite scent in the world. She watched him as he ate his long fingers taking apart the lemon pastries as he ate, bringing piece she pieces to his mouth. She looked him over; he wasn't as huge as he had been. He was still large, his body still took up a large amount of space, however he looked more slender than just muscle as he had been in the beginning of the year. His seeker training looked like it was working. 

His face was close enough she could see the slight bump in his nose, from where she had punched him their third year. He swore she had broken his nose, although he never seeked treatment for the injury. The slight bump left was a testament to that, an imperfection left in his face by her. She could see the bags under his eyes that seemed permanent since their sixth year. They hadn't faded in the slightest, and she was sure they never would. 

He wore her black scrunchie as he had every day since he had stolen it. She wasn't surprised to see it on him again. She wasn't sure why he wore it. To be frank it looked ridiculous on him, like it didn't fit on him. But he never removed it, or even mentioned it to her. On his other arm she could see the ink from the bottom edges of his dark mark poking out.

She quickly looked away afterwards, she didn't want to see the mark. She didn't think she could really stomach that at the moment. Instead she looked at her plate, trying to make herself eat more 

Students began to slowly filter out of the great hall, leaving the feast. She was still staring at her plate when she heard Draco moving. She looked over and he was getting up, looking down at her. “Are you ready to get out of here?” He asked her in his usual bored tone, like he couldn't care what she said. 

Hermione nodded her head, standing up and pushing herself away from the table. They walked together, this time Draco was ahead of her as they went down to the dungeons, where it seemed a great deal of students were also heading. Draco's presence seemed to have an effect on others, they moved out of his way quickly as he walked, creating a path. People tried to avoid him at all costs. She followed behind him, watching as others glared at him, giving him dirty looks as he casually walked. He didn't seem to even notice how others looked at him, how everyone thought so lowly of him. 

They made it to the dungeons quicker than she had expected. As they entered the common room, she was taken back by the beauty of the Slytherin common room again. She couldn't imagine how Ron and Harry had thought it to be so horrible when they came in during second year. To her it was warm and inviting, her eyes immediately went to the large window that was set under the black lake. She was hoping to see the squid but had no such luck.

 The common room was decorated for the party, spider webs had been put up, making the common room look as if it had been untouched for some time. Fake spiders that had been charmed to move around were crawling around the webs. The lights had been dimmed significantly making it dark, it seemed as if every ghost in the castle was in attendance of the event, flying around overhead. 

Many students were down in the common room, it was hard to find anyone that you weren't next to. Everyone was dressed up for the party, except for Draco in what she didn't consider a costume. She tried to look for people she knew, her Gryffindor friends, or even Theodore who was supposed to be here with Luna Lovegood, but she couldn't find any of them. It was too crowded to easily find anyone.

Draco led them to a corner where he pulled a firewhiskey out of his robes and he took a sip before he offered it to her, she grabbed it from him and took a sip in turn. 

That's where they stayed. She thought maybe they'd go mingle but they didn't. Draco didn't even talk to her. Minutes past, then what felt like an hour, or more. He just stood there leaning against the wall, not even acknowledging her presence other than when he would offer her firewhiskey. She accepted every time. However, as time went on, she felt a pang in her stomach and her eyes welling up besides herself. 

How had she been so stupid? He didn't even want her around, that much was obvious. He wouldn't even really look at her. She tried to make conversation, but he only really grunted in response. He had probably only asked her as a joke, he probably was upset she had expected. She found herself wishing he had stood her up, it would have been better than this. Better than him acting like she was a pariah. She tried so hard not to cry, she was already feeling humiliated enough. The alcohol in her system was no doubt making her more upset, making her feelings more compounded.

After what she assumed to be over an hour, she forced herself to push off the wall. She was going back to her dorm. This night had already been miserable enough. She didn't say goodbye to him or even look at him as she began to walk away, pushing herself through the crowd of the party. She was grateful she got to the exit of the common room easily, without running into anyone. The last thing she wanted was to see anyone when she was so close to crying. 

She hadn't heard him behind her until she was walking up the stairs to leave the dungeon. She didn't have to turn around to know the heavy footsteps belonged to Draco. She felt heat rushing to her cheeks. Why did he have to follow her? Was he truly trying to humiliate her? He already made it very clear he wasn't interested in her. 

She began to walk faster, and the footsteps behind her quickened as well. He didn't speak until they were in the main corridor, which was eerily empty. “Where are you going, Granger?” He asked her in his neutral tone.

She didn't turn around or stop walking. She needed to get away from him as quickly as possible. Before her tears began to fall, she couldn't let him see that. “I'm going to bed.” She knew her tone was harsh, but she didn't care. 

“Why? I thought we were on a date.” He responded, his voice actually sounding upset, having a tone she wasn't used to. 

She shook her head, walking faster “Whatever, Draco, why would I stay? So, you can ignore me more?”

She could feel him closer to her, he had sped up. She had just got to the main staircase when his hand grabbed her shoulder, pulling her back. “Granger, come on, I'm sorry. Don't go to bed.”

She didn't respond, trying to pull away from him, trying harder to blink away tears.

He turned her around and stared down at her, looking at her face.

She frowned; all he was doing was upsetting her more. “Draco, you already made it clear you don't want anything to do with me, leave me alone. Let me go to bed.”

“What do you mean I don't want anything to do with you?” He asked, his voice low.

“You ignored me all night, you acted like I wasn't even there.”

He shook his head, his grip on her shoulder tightening ever so slightly “That's not what I was doing.”

She let out a sarcastic laugh “Yes, it is.”

He shook his head again. “No, it's not.”

“Then what the hell were you doing?” She asked, furious with him.

He was still looking at her, with intensity. His eyes flickering down to her lips then back to her eyes “I was trying to get the fucking courage.” He hissed, sounding just as furious as her. 

“Courage? To do what exactly?” She spat back. 

“To do this, you brat.” He hissed. Without any warning he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers.

She was frozen for a second, his lips were warm and soft against hers. It took her a few seconds to respond, to break out of her state of shock. His lips were moving slowly, and she responded, moving her lips against his in reply. 

It was obvious Draco had never kissed anyone before, his lips were shaky, his movements were unsure. His left hand was tangled in her hair pulling her closer, his right hand on the small of her back pressing her against him. 

Although he was inexperienced, Draco Malfoy was without a doubt the best kisser she had ever had. Not that she had much experience.

Everything felt right, the way his lips and hers moved in sync with each other. The way he tasted, like lemon pastries and firewhiskey. It was intoxicating. Every movement of his lips against hers sent sparks throughout her body. Made her feel things she had never felt before.

His lips began to move quicker, with more intensity as he became more confident, more sure of himself as he kissed her.

They only kissed for less than a minute before he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers, breathing heavily. His grey eyes locked with her brown ones; his lips slightly swollen.

 He pulled away from her after a second, leaned down and kissed her forehead before he softly said “Goodnight, Granger.” Without another word he turned on his heel going back down to the dungeons, to his dorm. 

It took her a few seconds to gain control of her body again, his kiss had left her motionless, unable to move for a while. She hurriedly made her way up to her own dorm; she changed without thinking about the task. She couldn't think about what she was doing. All she could think about was him, the way he had tasted, how his lips had moved, the way he had grabbed her, pulling her to him. 

As she went to bed that night, she was only sure of one thing, she wanted to spend the rest of her life kissing Draco Malfoy.

Chapter Text

November 2nd, 1998, again, 53 days until December 25th.

Although she had sat at the Slytherin table a few dozen times in the last two months, she never truly got used to it. It was so different from the Gryffindor table in ways she couldn’t explain without sounding biased or delusional. For one thing, the wood at the Slytherin table was more worn, it seemed, it seemed rougher under her arms. The seats were more uncomfortable, the bench seemed harder somehow. She hated the view from the table; she could perfectly see the Gryffindor table. Where she was used to sitting. She had a perfect view of Ron and his glare. 

The Slytherin table seemed more different today than it had ever before. Perhaps it was the way she felt more eyes on her than she liked. She was used to having attention on her or around her, being one of Harry Potter’s best friends had always come with that. She was used to the looks and whispers. However, this time it felt more different than it had ever before. While in the past it was mostly looks of curiosity, sometimes after the war in admiration for saving the wizarding world. However, as she sat at the Slytherin table, Draco’s arm slung around her shoulders, she could feel all of the looks of hatred, the looks of disgust from her school mates. 

Worst of all she had the view of the Gryffindor table, where Ron was. Ron, who didn't look angry as she expected. She had expected him to be seething, to want to hurt her, to want to hurt draco. No, he didn't look mad. He looked devastated. He looked like he had been crying, his head hung low as he stared at the plate of untouched food in front of him. 

It hurt her in ways she couldn’t explain to see him like that. Ron had his faults, many of them. However, she still loved him, just not in the way he loved her. She didn’t want him hurt, she didn't want to be the reason he was hurting. He was hurt because by all definitions it appeared like Hermione and Draco were together, a couple. Which she didn’t even know if they were. She knew she would have to do something about it, perhaps talk to Ron and smooth things over. But how could she explain to him that she didn’t have romantic feelings for him? How could she tell him that nobody could make her feel the way Draco did, without hurting him? She couldn’t. She tried not to think about it, not letting it take over her mind, she had decided that it would be a problem for a different day. 

They hadn’t talked about it, about the kiss, or their feelings for each other. Instead, Draco had just begun constantly being at her side, having his hands on her in some way, and on a very regular basis he would kiss her. It started yesterday morning at breakfast, where he had been waiting at the entrance hall for her. In the last twenty four hours they had only parted for the two-hour quidditch practice draco had attended and when they had to go their separate ways for bed. Everything else between them had been as it always had been. They spent most of the day in a comfortable silence working on their own assignments for classes and reading. Draco’s hand had stayed on her leg the whole time, gently tracing patterns into her skin, sending goosebumps through her body. They went to every meal together where she would sit by Draco and his friends. 

All the while she could see and feel the looks they got from others. Draco didn't react to the sideways glances and glares. He was used to it, he had never exactly been the most popular, at least with the Gryffindor students, and she didn’t think students in Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw had ever been particularly fond of him. He had at one time been very liked by Slytherin students. However, from what she had learned from Theodore it had never been real or genuine. They had liked him for his family, his last name, his family’s money. It hadn’t been him they liked. Even the admiration he had earned from his last name had faded since the war, he had become a social pariah. She had even felt similarly about him the first time she lived this. He hadn’t been important enough for her to even notice. After the war, he had meant nearly nothing to her, all he was, was a bad memory she didn’t want to relive. 

As they sat at the table, Draco kept her arm locked around her shoulder, pulling her close to him. Their legs touching under the table, his scent of clean laundry, his cologne, and mints filled her nose as she watched him. She hated how absolutely handsome he looked just eating a damn cherry danish. She didn’t know anyone else who could look so good while eating food. She knew she didn’t look anything like that as she ate. Draco had the kind of manners and class that could only be gained by years of his aristocratic upbringing. The way he sat so upright, how he chewed, careful not to let anything fall out of his mouth, how clean he looked as he ate. 

Across from them at the table Pansy and Blaise sat, as usually they were sitting very close, arm in arm, snuggling up to each other. On the other side of Hermione was Theodore, who for a change, was rather quiet as he ate. He appeared tired that Monday morning as he ate eggs and toast, reading the daily prophet. Hermione figured that the weekend had been exhausting for the usually chipper Theodore. 

Hermione tried to eat her breakfast, eggs and a cup of fruit. However it was impossible to enjoy her food or even try to. She was consumed with a horrible ache that went through her body. She wasn’t sure where it had steamed from this morning, but she had had it since she woke up that morning. She rose early, awoken by yet another nightmare of Draco’s dead body decomposing. The dream had only become more upsetting since their first kiss, since she allowed herself to acknowledge that she wanted him and acknowledge the fact that he wanted her back too. It was silly, she had been sent back in time to save his life, not to be his girlfriend. Or whatever they were, they hadn’t discussed it yet. The urge to save him, to stop him from ending his own life was all consuming. 

She wasn’t sure if the ache in her soul she felt was for him, for the knowledge that she could lose him forever in only 53 days. She wasn’t sure if she felt guilty for hurting Ron. No, she definitely felt guilty, but she wasn't sure if that's what was causing her turmoil. Perhaps it was the way Harry kept looking at her, not with disapproving eyes, but he seemed so hurt as well, hurt by her for the way she was hurting Rom. All she could do was hope Harry would stay true to his word and not tell anyone about her current situation. Maybe the aching was from the over looming threat from Narcissa Malfoy. The fear of not only losing Draco but losing him and having the rest of her life destroyed as a consequence. 

Although their family had lost most people’s respect in the wizarding world, the Malfoy’s still held a lot of power. They still had a great deal of influence in anything they came near. Something their family name, and more likely their never ending wealth bought them. If Hermione did fail, if Draco did indeed end his own life, Narcissa would make her life miserable as punishment. She could stop Hermione from getting the jobs she wanted, all but blacklist her from social events. Hermione wasn’t even sure if that mattered. It's not like she still wanted to be a high official in the ministry or be the minister of magic as she once wanted. She didn't want to work at the ministry at all anymore. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do for a career. 

She was brought out of her thoughts by mail, Hermione, as more often than not received nothing. A very raggedy, scrawny looking grey owl came pummeling down, nearly running right into Pansy’s head before adjusting and catching itself at the last second. The owl with uneven feathers looked around for a moment before spotting Theodore flew over to him in an uneven pattern. The elf all but threw the letter from its talons, nearly hitting Hermione’s breakfast. Theodore was brought an envelope that nearly landed on her food. Theodore gave her a half smirk and took his letter. 

Pansy was already complaining, her tone was high pitched as she began to nearly yell. “Theodore! We’ve been telling you for weeks you need to train that, that.. Mongrel! That is without a doubt the ugliest and the worst behaved owl I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing!”

Theodore waved her off with a shrug “Philippe is just a free spirit. I can’t and refuse to break his spirit.”

Pansy was glaring at him as she leaned more forward “ Philippe is an absolute menace, I mean he nearly ran into me! He would have ruined my hair. That thing needs heavy training.”

Theodore didn’t give her a response, rather he fed Philippe a piece of toast as the owl rested on his arm. Theodore didn’t seem interested in talking with Pansy any further that morning, instead he opened his letter and began silently reading. 

Draco had to pull his arm off of her to grab his own mail. His beautiful and well trained eagle owl dropped a package off gently in front of him. Draco ignored the owl and he was quickly unwrapping his box, smiling as he pulled out some lemon cakes that were presumably from his mother. Along with the lemon cakes Hermione could see a paper that Draco didn’t pull out but she saw him looking at it and smiling. She could only get a glimpse of it. It was obviously a child’s drawing. Lots of color and scribbles everywhere, no doubt the picture was from his little sister, Lyra. 

Draco began eating a lemon cake, not speaking to any of them. Instead he grabbed a book from his bag and began reading. No longer touching Hermione, leaving her feeling empty.

She could hear Pansy muttering “Draco you are such a child, still getting sweets from your mother? How pathetic.”

Draco didn’t even respond slightly to Pansy, although Hermione was positive that he could hear everything she said. He didn’t look away from his page or even indicate that he stopped reading for even a second. 

Theodore, who had finished reading the letter he received silently stood up from the table saying, “I have to go.” 

Without another word Theodore left. Which was very unlike him. Usually, he would have been chattering about whatever letter he had got. She seemed to be the only one that noticed his strange behavior. Pansy and Blaise kept eating, Pansy was distracted by her own mail, the Daily Prophet, which she was enthralled with. “Oh, wow Draco, look. They did a whole article about your parents.” Pansy said with excitement in her voice. 

Draco seemed tense up at once. He looked over at Pansy with cold eyes, letting his hand drop off of Hermione’s shoulder. “What the hell are you talking about? Another article about my father's pending execution? Why would I care about that?”

Pansy rolled her eyes in reply and leaned forward, more towards Draco and Hermione. “No, you idiot, it's an article about their relationship and their lives together.”

Draco rolled his eyes, again, “I don't care.” With that Draco looked away from pansy and focused on his book, going back to eating his cherry danish.

Hermione wanted to ask for the article, she wanted to reach over and read every word of the article. It had come to her attention she didn't know much about Draco's life, not really. She didn't know what his home was like, she didn't know what his family was like, she didn't know anything about his childhood. She had always assumed he had had a very privileged life. Something she was still sure he had growing up, he had been pampered and never gone without. She felt like it was important to learn more about him, maybe it would tell her more about the reason he ended his life in the first place. It might give her something she could try and fix. She couldn't let Draco end his life, if he did it would kill her too.

She couldn't just grab the paper or even ask Pansy for it, not in front of Draco. She was sure it would either annoy or upset him.

 Draco leaned closer to Hermione after a few minutes of tense silence as he finished his cherry danish and softly asked “Are you ready to go to class?”

Hermione nodded her head and stood up, Draco at her side. He grabbed her bookbag as well and slung it over his shoulder. As they walked, he grabbed her hand. His large hand engulfed hers. She felt butterflies in her stomach as she always did when he touched her, her hand fit perfectly in his. His thumb ran over her knuckles every few seconds. He didn't say anything to her as they walked, going to class together. He didn't look at anyone they passed, he didn't seem to notice the looks they got. Or if he did, he didn't seem to mind.

Classes went by in a blur, the whole time in classes Draco didn't touch her. He sat next to her, and he diligently took notes, he paid attention to everything the professors said.

Once classes ended Draco left her, going to the Slytherin team's quidditch practice. Once he had left her, she made her way down to the library, she needed to get some work done. She had found it hard to work with Draco around, especially after they kissed. All she did when they were together was stare at him, admire his good looks. Or she would worry, she would sit there and panic about the future, she would worry if he even had a future. Would he still end his life? Had she even changed anything? Either way she needed to get some work done before she got too far behind. It would be easy to catch up, she had done it all before. 

She had just entered the library when Theodore walked behind her, he was smiling and back to his usual self. She was able to hear him coming from his loud footsteps. “Wait for me, Hermione.” He said as he caught up, Hermione did as he asked and waited by the doors.

“Why aren't you at practice?” She asked when he was close enough to her that she didn't need to raise her voice. They began walking over to a table together. 

“Because I'm already the best.” Theodore smirked, not really answering her question as he popped a caramel in his mouth, offering one to Hermione but she shook her head.

“What was up with you at breakfast?” Hermione asked him as she took her seat at the table they chose, sitting opposite of him.

“Nothing, I was just tired.” He replied, brushing her off as he sat down, putting his feet up on the table. It annoyed her immediately, but she didn't protest or say anything. “So you and Draco are together now?” He questioned her. 

Hermione only shrugged, ”I don't know what Draco and I are.” She answered truthfully.

Theodore raised an eyebrow “It seems like he's all over you, poor lad can't keep his hands to himself. I asked him about it and he told me to ‘Fuck off.’” As Theodore spoke Draco's reply he did a quotation mark gesture with his fingers.

Hermione shrugged again, and calmly replied. “Maybe you should listen to Draco.”

“Oh come on, that's not fair. I've been waiting for ages for Draco to finally get a girlfriend! He's never even shown interest in any girls before, honestly, I was worried he would die a virgin.” Theodore joked, smiling at her. 

She blushed more at that thought, the thought of having sex with Draco, losing her virginity to him. She definitely wanted to do that with him, but she wasn't sure if he would even want her that way. Maybe he drew the line at having sex with a mudblood. Maybe kissing her was one thing but putting his dick in her was something else, something that would ruin the Malfoy family name. 

Hermione was desperate to change the subject, so she asked him, “What was that letter you got this morning? You seemed to rush off right after getting it.”

The mention of the letter made him frown, the smile leaving his face rather quickly “Oh, you noticed that?”

She rolled her eyes “Yes I noticed, you weren't slick.”

Theodore sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Mrs. Malfoy sent me a letter. Nothing really important, but she did say she wants to talk with you, in person.” 

Hermione felt like she was going to throw up, a pang in her stomach at the thought of talking to Narcissa Malfoy, the woman that had threatened her so recently. “She wants to talk to me? Why?”

Theodore shrugged trying to act casually about it. “Probably because you're trying to save Draco's life. I mean why else would she?”

Hermione shook her head, putting her head down. She tried not to feel like this, she was a Gryffindor, she had helped Harry save the wizarding world. The thought of the matriarch of the Malfoy family shouldn't be able to make her feel so weak, so nervous. But she was petrified of the woman. Of the sister of the witch who had tortured Hermione not even a year ago. The witch who watched as Hermione was tortured in her own home. Hermione could still remember the face Narcissa made when it was happening, she had looked so passive. Like it didn't bother her at all that Hermione was begging for death as her skin was being carved into.

“Listen, Narcissa is a really amazing woman, she was like my mother growing up. I was over there all the time. Don't worry about it.” Theodore said smiling. 

Theodore had no idea about the recent threats so she couldn't be upset with him for defending the woman. She couldn't even say it out loud and tell him about it. Instead she nodded her head in agreement. It's not like Narcissa was going to torture her as Bellatrix had. “Fine, I'll see her. When?”

Theodore frowned again and spoke in a fast tone “On Thursday, I know where to go, I'll bring you.”

She nodded and stood up. She didn't want to be around anyone, she wanted to go to her bed and lay down, to try and calm down. She wanted to stop thinking about that day in Malfoy Manor; to stop letting it ruin her life further. She didn't say goodbye to Theodore, she just left and hurried to her dorm. She didn't look at anyone as she walked; she couldn't think of anything else but that day on the marble floor. The pain in her arm began to flare up at the thought about it. Her body shaking as she ran up the stairs to the Gryffindor tower and still as she got to her dorm. 

She was once again relieved that Ginny, her only dorm mate of the year, was rarely there. When she was safely in her dorm she grabbed Ginny's copy of that day's Daily Prophet, which Ginny kept on top of her trunk. 

Hermione collapsed on her own bed opening the paper, letting herself get distracted by the paper's rendition of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy's love story.

Chapter Text

Daily Prophet 

Publish date: November 2nd, 1998.

Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, From Grand Love Affair to the Fall of the Malfoy Family.

With little more than a month before Lucius Malfoy heads to the gallows, (Sentenced to face the Dementor’s kiss on December 23rd, 1998) many of our readers have been curious as to what led up to these unforeseen circumstances. This writer thought there would be no better start than delving into Lucius Malfoy’s marriage to Narcissa Malfoy nèe Black. Using multiple trusted and for the most part anonymous sources, as well as documented information this author has been able to complete a detailed history.

According to sources, Lucius and Narcissa have known each other since early childhood, their families ran in the same social circles. However, the pair were not close as children. The opposite is true actually, multiple sources have claimed that Narcissa loathed Lucius and Lucius in turn was indifferent to Narcissa. According to sources Narcissa found Lucius to be rude and impolite from a young age.

It wasn't until they were in Hogwarts that their engagement was arranged by their parents. The announcement was done the day after paperwork was completed. Narcissa being in her sixth year and Lucius being in his seventh. Narcissa was reportedly upset about the arrangement and asked her parents to find her a different match. However, her family could not have been happier, having their middle daughter engaged to the Malfoy Heir. It is known in the pureblood community that it is one of the highest achievements. Unfortunately for Narcissa, her family insisted on the engagement. Lucius’s reaction to the engagement was reported to be the complete opposite. He found Narcissa pleasing and he was happy to go through with the engagement. He gave her the Malfoy family engagement ring within days of the announcement.

Shortly after the engagement Lucius and Narcissa began spending time together in an effort to become closer. Lucius reportedly was doing anything possible to please her and win her heart. On the first Valentine's Day after the engagement was announced he had over one hundred red roses sent to her along with an assortment of sweets from around the world.

The two soon seemed to be inseparable, spending as much time together as possible. Within only weeks three of the engagement the couple seemed to already be very infatuated with each other. Narcissa's dislike of Lucius turned into young love. Lucius was said to have been in love with her from the start, showering her in admiration and many gifts.

Their new relationship was tested by a year apart, as Lucius finished his education at Hogwarts and Narcissa still had a year to go. They are said to have written to each other daily, Lucius even sent gifts nearly daily. They spent all holiday breaks together, and were married only two days after Narcissa finished her education. Honeymooning for nearly six months in Italy.

Upon homecoming everyone expected Narcissa to be with child. That was not the case. The couple experienced infertility for years, Narcissa even losing multiple pregnancies through the years. It seemed to the world that there would be no Malfoy heir.

In this time Narcissa became famous for her grand galas and parties. She spared no expense, and each party was a spectacle. Invites to her events were coveted. She soon was at the top of society.

During the same time Lucius was reportedly spending great deals of time at the Ministry of Magic, meeting and siding many upcoming politicians. Solidifying the power and standing in the Malfoy name. 

Unfortunately, Lucius Malfoy was up to more than just rubbing shoulders with employees of the Ministry. He was also said to begin attending meetings of the Death Eaters, aspiring to join the cause and get a dark mark. It is unsure as to when exactly he was marked, as he and other known Death Eaters have been unforthcoming, however he did indeed earn his mark. He was a regular at meetings and quickly became one of the most dedicated Death Eaters. Narcissa on the other hand did not attend meetings with him or get her own dark mark, as her sister Bellatrix Lestrange. 

In the winter and spring of 1980 Narcissa experienced what medical documents from healers at St. Mungo’s described as a “Long and difficult” pregnancy. She was on bed rest for more than six months and sick the entire time. She was rewarded for her efforts on June 5th, 1980, by the birth of the couple's first and only child, Draco Lucius Malfoy. 

Shortly after his birth the first fall of the Dark Lord took place. Lucius evaded consequences for his actions during the first wizarding war, claiming he was under the imperius curse during the first war. These claims have since been proven false. 

Between wars the couple seemed to be mainly focused on raising their child, Draco. Sources claim the two were closer than ever. It seems as if they had some years of bliss with their small family. Nothing much is notable at this time.

When the dark lord rose back to power, Lucius Malfoy was one of the first death eaters to come back in support. Narcissa seemed to support Lucius fully in this decision. Sources claim the Malfoy's opened their ancestral home to the dark lord from the start of his second rise to power.

After the famous incident with Harry Potter in the department of mysteries, Lucius Malfoy was arrested and placed in Azkaban. It is reported that Narcissa was distraught during this time, she had a tough go of it without him. 

During this time their son Draco, received his own dark mark as he joined the death eaters. He received his first assignment, to murder Dumbledore. One can only assume both Lucius and Narcissa were thrilled by the honor. (Read more about this in my article published July 12th, 1998, “ Draco Malfoy, Disgraced Slytherin Student Newest and Youngest Prisoner of Azkaban.” )

After Lucius was rescued he was returned home. It is assumed they went back into marital bliss. While most of their actions at this time are still confidential as Aurors are still reviewing the information, there are some known facts. The dark lord lived with the family, which they likely viewed as an honor. Most notably and horrible is the events that took place to Miss Hermione Granger one fateful spring day at Malfoy Manor. 

Only weeks before the Battle of Hogwarts, the golden trio (Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and Hermione Granger) unfortunately ended up at Malfoy Manor. At this time this author is unable to confirm how they got there or why. What is known is that Miss Granger was tortured in the halls of Malfoy Manor. As to which Harry Potter had to testify about at Lucius Malfoy's trial, unfortunately this transcript is confidential. Sources are unclear as to who did the torturing but many claim multiple members of the family took turns. Bellatrix Lestrange, Lucius Malfoy, and Draco Malfoy, are said to have participated. This writer wouldn't be surprised if even Narcissa helped. 

Ronald Weasley, who was there for the horrible events, gave a statement on this. “She (Hermione Granger) was screaming and begging. First begging for Harry and myself to help her, then begging for them to stop, finally begging for them to kill her. It was all of them that did it, I know it. The whole family.”

This comes as a shock as rumors are that Hermione Granger left Ronald Weasley for Draco Malfoy. Did she truly begin a romantic relationship with her torturer? More on this in next week's article!

After the war was the follow out for the family. Narcissa was rescued from having to go to Azkaban as she did not actively participate in any of it. However, Lucius and Draco Malfoy were both sentenced to Azkaban. Due to his young age Draco was only given a few months. Lucius was originally sentenced to twenty years, until Aurors investigated the Malfoy family home and found his darker crimes. Where Lucius was found to have tortured and murdered an innocent muggle man nearly six years ago. More on that in the following weeks! 

Either way, the Malfoy family had surely gone from the fame and fortune to the bottom of the social barrel.

When contacted for a statement Narcissa Malfoy did not respond.

When contacted for a statement Lucius Malfoy did not respond.

When contacted for a statement Draco Malfoy did not respond.

It is unknown if the couple is still in contact and if Narcissa will be at the gallows to see him off. Be assured this author will report what will happen that day. 

• Rita Skeeter.

Chapter Text

This story will be deleted within a day or two. I am not happy with how it was turning out. A newer edited version will be uploaded in its place.

Chapter Text

The first chapter of the updated version has been posted. This one will be deleted on October 30 2025