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Chapter Text

The dress was undoubtably beautiful.

A high mesh covering bordered with sprinklings of tasteful lace and buttoned with small jewels, and a sweetheart neckline that trailed to my feet in an A-line fashion. The sleeves went to my wrists, and Alice has mercifully restrained herself in the jewelery department.

It was gorgeous. The prettiest thing that I had ever worn, and probably ever will wear. The stylist had done a perfect job of blending the modern era with the one that Edward was from.

Unfortunately, it was also incredibly itchy.

“Stop moving.” Alice warns me, her mouth muffled with pins.

“Sorry.” I stop fidgeting and let my hands fall to my sides, wincing as the lace rubbed against my arms.

It was only for a day. I could deal with the discomfort for a day.

I didn’t want to be anymore of a burden to the Cullens. I’d already been picky enough with the shoes, enough to make even Alice annoyed with me.

Honestly, I was just lucky that they approved of me enough to let me marry Edward. Perfection in a human form, and he was to be my husband.

A sharp pin jabs into my waist, and I restrain a yelp. Alice sighs and continued pinning the fabric until I couldn’t breathe without being brutally assaulted with sewing utensils.

“It’s only one fitting, Bella. “ She reminds me. “You wiil look beautiful.”

I smile in response, not trusting my words.

One day. That’s all it was.

**********************

It took almost four hours for all of the necessary adjustments to be made to the dress. I was ready to sleep for ages by the time it was all over, even though the clock hadn’t even hit noon.

“So, are we thinking more of a classic white theme? Or…” Esme flips through the small book that her and Renee had curated. “We could add some pink. Maybe some green?”

I nod blearily, only partly comprehending her words. “Sure. Green sounds great.”

The woman frowns. “Bella, you hate green.”

“Oh. I do?”

Esme sighs. “I told Alice to spread the alterations over a few days.” She closes the book and offers her hand to me, pulling me to my feet. “I’m taking you home, dear.”

“But…” There was still so much to be done.

“No ‘buts’.” Esme smiles softly. “It’s our fault, darling. It’s been a while since any of us were human, after all.”

I don’t have it in me to protest any further as she walks me over the the shoe rack in the entryway and hands me my boots, waiting as I struggle with the laces.

I try to work fast, to not keep her waiting, but I can’t. Eventually, I stand with untied shoes and wobble slightly on my way out the door.

Esme unlocks Edward’s car, sliding into the front seat with ease.

It’s cold. Even though it’s almost summer, the one season when Forks’s weather is almost tolerable, everything in the Cullen’s home is freezing.

I almost have to remember my winter coat when I come over.

It won’t be for long. I tell myself. Soon, I’ll be one of them. And equal.

And I won’t get tired simply by looking at pages of cupcakes, either.

In my defense, I haven’t exactly been sleeping well. My dreams are, somehow, even worse than when Edward left.

It helps that he’s there when I wake up, even though that’s another obstacle in itself. I’ve spend every night wrapped in two heavy blankets, in the beginning of June, and still the chill of his arms slices through the fabric.

It’ll just be a few more days, and I’ll never have to worry about this cold ever again.

“We’re here, honey.”

I fight my eyelids open as Esme parks, unbuckling my seatbelt with clumsy fingers.

“Go get some rest.” The woman smiles, laying her cold hand over mine. “It’ll all still be here tomorrow.”

I nod, all but stumbling out of the car.

The wedding is in two days. We don’t have time for this.

Charlie’s gone, obviously. He’s still at the station for another five hours, which is five hours that I get to be blessedly alone.

I kick my unlaced boots off at the door, holding onto the closet frame for security. The house was dark, and I have no desire to change that, using the small beams of light that filtered through the windows to see.

My jeans are somewhat uncomfortable on the couch, but I didn’t care. Pulling Charlie’s game blanket up to my chin and curling my legs to my chest, sleep finds me in less than a minute.

****************

“Bella?”

I blink blearily, somehow unfolding myself from the blessedly warm blanket. “Mhm?”

Charlie stands over me, an odd look on his face. “Just checking in. I’ve got supper tonight, okay?”

I sit up, pulling the blanket tight around my shoulders. “No, it’s fine. I can do it.”

He glance awkwardly towards the front door, and clears his throat. “I have some steaks I’ve been meaning to grill. I would have been home earlier, but…” The man shrugs. “I didn’t expect you to be home until nighttime.”

“I was tired. Esme took me home.” I tell him with a yawn.

“Oh.” Charlie steps aside. “I still have supper tonight.”

I sigh. Steak does sound good.

*******************

One awkward dinner with Charlie later, I lay in bed with my flannel winter pajamas, covered in three layers of blankets. I had left my window open for Edward, and the nighttime chill was seeping into the room more than I would have liked it to.

It was almost one in the morning, and he still hadn’t shown up.

I should have taken this as an opportunity to sleep without being frozen half to death, but my anxiety was absolutely going through the roof.

We had slept together almost every single night since we came back from Volterra. Why now, when our wedding was in two days, would he not come, with no reason as to why he didn’t?

He probably went out on a late-night hunting trip with Emmet and Jasper and forgot the time.

But he never forgot the time.

Maybe… I thought, my heart sinking. Maybe he realized that I wasn’t good enough for him. Maybe he’s on another self-exile, convinced that he’s not good enough for me.

Of course not. I’m being silly.

Or am I?

I roll onto my side, cursing as the cold air begins to seep in through my blankets.

It’s one in the morning, and the rehearsal for the wedding is tomorrow. Is there truly any chance that he’s coming? Should I just close my window and try to get the best of the five hours of sleep before someone is over to wake me up?

I decide on the latter and try to shimmy out from beneath my blankets to preserve the warmth, before standing and walking over to the window.

“Hey.” Edward’s handsome face popped up from the tree that stood beside my bedroom window.

I jumped backwards, clutching a hand to my chest to stifle my scream.

“Don’t do that.”

“I told you,” He began as he clambered over the windowsill with uneasy grace. “I’d never miss a night with you.”

“Oh. Right.” I smile to distract myself from my erratically beating heart.

As though I weighed nothing more than a feather, Edward picks me up and jumped onto my bed, displacing the blankets that I had worked so hard to warm and laying me across from his, so we were facing each other.

“Have you been waiting for me, love?” He asks with a slight smile.

I nod.

“My apologies. I got hung up near the lair of the dogs.” His teeth bare at the mention of the wolves.

“Edward.” I warn him.

He knows that I hate it when he talks of the pack like that. I’m still not entirely certain why the Cullens hate the wolves, when they’re the one’s disrupting the pack’s life by living here.

“I’m sorry.” He shook his head, but there was still a hint of darkness in his eyes.

“...what happened?” I don’t have to be the mind reader here to know that he wants, or needs me to ask.

“They’re trying to get us to move.” Edward admits. “We have apparently caused a great disturbance to the natives by living here. As if they have a solo claim to the land.”

“They’ve been here forever, Edward.” I try to remind him.

It’s been a while since I talked to any member of the pack, since it felt to awkward after Jacob’s disappearance.

Jacob.

I had been trying to avoid thinking of that name. He had fled because of me… because I couldn’t make up my mind. I had led him on, and I was ashamed to admit it.

Still, I knew that I was going to choose Edward from the very beginning. I also knew that that would break Jacob’s heart, and I didn’t know how I was going to manage without my best friend.

“Are you alright, my love?” The boy beside me asks, trailing a cold finger down my cheek. I close my eyes, trying not to flinch.

“Yes. I’m alright. It’s just nerves.” I admit.

“Ah.” He lets his hand fall and lay between us. “It’s okay, Bella. I’m nervous as well.”

For entirely different reasons.

“Alice was upset that you left, you know.” Edward tells me. “We had to put the order for the cupcakes in today, and it was almost too late. If we didn’t have the money to bribe the caterer, we would be in quite a pile of trouble, I’m afraid.”

“I’m sorry.” I say, my voice quiet. “Esme told me to go home. I was having a hard time staying awake.”

“Oh.” Edward tilts his head, a questioning look set upon his perfect face. “Still, you had no trouble staying awake for me.”

I want to turn my head, so I don’t have to look him in the eyes. “I know. I’m sorry.”

I didn’t know that I hated being human until I met Edward and the rest of his family. Rest seems like such an unfortunate and inconvenient thing to need now.

I hate this. I hate being a burden to the family I’m marrying into.

Just a few days. Then, I’ll be one of them.

I can’t wait.

Edward wraps his hands around my arms, pulling me into his chest. I try to not flinch at the cold, grateful for the few barriers of cloth between us.

“Sleep now, love.” He murmers, his cold fingers working their way through my hair. “We have a busy day tomorrow.”

********************

When I wake up the next morning, Edward’s gone.

There’s a note on the bed where he was, though.

Dearest Bella, I have left for the preparations. The rehearsal dinner is at noon, and I hope that you will be awoken from your rest by then.

Love, Edward.

I can’t help but smile at the gesture, before casting aside the numerous layers of blankets to let the morning rays of sun warm my skin. The flannel almost seems too hot now, so I wander to my dresser to pick out jeans and a t-shirt.

Only, when I open my pants drawer, there isn’t a single denim object in sight.

Another note lies on the top of the bundles of clothes, and as I pick it up, I wince at Alice’s familiar handwriting.

No sister of mine will be dressed in shabby jeans, Bells.

The paper was signed with a small heart and a star, and it was written on a custom piece of stationary decorated with flowers.

Oh Alice, what have you done?

Pulling the mountains of lace and designer pants from the drawer, I wince and run to my closet, hoping that she hadn’t gotten to my hiking clothes.

She had.

Oh, well.

I pick one of the least frivolous skirts from the lot of dresses, and find a soft black sweater that paired somewhat decently with it.

Alice would undoubtably have my head for wearing black to my own wedding rehearsal, but she would have to deal with it.

I stumble to the mirror, cursing the dark spots beneath my eyes.

My hairbrush was immediately stuck in my knotted locks, and it took almost fifteen minutes of brushing before I was even somewhat presentable.

What time was it?

I wander down the stairs, and a spike of panic runs through my body when I see the blinking 8:15 on the digital clock Charlie keeps beside the television.

Oh no. The rehearsal is in less than two hours!

I thought that someone would be over to wake me!

I inhale half a granola bar in pure panic, and run to get my shoes. Pulling the first pair of sneakers that I see on, I stumble out the door, only to run directly into Rosalie.

Oh.

She looks mad.

Chapter Text

I stumble backwards, barely catching myself on the closed door.

Rosalie reaches for my wrist, as if she’s trying to prevent my fall, but she stops halfway through.

“Hi.” I greet her, waving awkwardly.

“Hello.” She looks to the side as her hand falls back down.

This is the first time that I’ve seen Rosalie look unsure. She always looks proper, poised, and unable to be shaken. Even when she was leading James away from me, even in the fights against Victoria’s newborn army.

“Am I late? I’m so sorry. I was on my way right now.” I tell her, trying to step past her, towards the door.

“No, it’s not that.” She reassures me. “Well, you almost were, but then you’d have Alice instead of me, so don’t worry.”

“Oh.” I draw my arms tight around my chest, against the soft black sweater. “Then…”

“I came to talk to you.” Rosalie’s words fall out in a rush.

“Oh.”

It’s a bit redundant, but I don’t exactly know what else to say. I’ve never been Rosalie’s favorite person, not by a long shot. I have no idea why she would seek me out for a heart-to-heart before I marry her least favorite sibling.

“It’s about you and Edward.” She gestures to the door. “May I come in?”

“Yeah, sure.” I step aside and reopen the door that I just closed, following the blonde into the house.

A few moments later, we’re seated at the kitchen table, and Rosalie is fidgeting.

She’s never done that in front of me. Never in a million years has she shown any sort of weakness.

“You’re about to make a big mistake.”

Oh.

I nod weakly. I’ve heard Edward talk about Rosalie’s views of me, and I know of her backstory with being a vampire, and how she’s trade anything for a chance to be human again.

It was the opposite with me, I was sure of it. I would give anything to become one of her kind.

It was a shame that we couldn’t just swap.

“Edward’s going to be furious with me.” Rosalie says, although it seems like she’s mostly talking to herself.

“I know what I want, Rosalie.” I tell her, trying to ignore my shaking hands.

I know what I want. I’m sure of it.

I’m sure of it.

“Are you sure? Because it’s irreversible.”

“I know that.” I hate that she talks to me as though I’m a child sometimes. Just because she’s almost six times my age doesn’t give her an excuse to treat me this way.

Rosalie sighs. “I’m sorry… I’m going about this all wrong.” She lays her hands flat on the table, playing with a few rings twined around her fingers. “I just want to give you the choice I didn’t have.”

“I’ve made up my mind. Thank you.” I tell her coolly.

“You don’t have to do this right away, you know.” She reminds me, as if I don’t already know it. “You can wait a few years. You’d never know the difference of eighteen and twenty in a transformed vampire.”

“I know.” I tell her again.

“Then what’s the rush?” Rosalie sighs, tossing her perfect blonde hair over her shoulder. “You’ve only known Edward for a year.”

“It’s true love.”

“Bella.” She says again, and there’s a tone of bitterness behind it. “Please. Just wait. You don’t have to marry him. You don’t have to transform yet.”

“I know that you don’t like him! Okay?” I try again, hoping she’ll get the message. “Please stop.”

“Even if you stay together, you don’t have to marry him right now. You’re eighteen. You have plenty of time.”

“Every second that I’m not turned is another second older than him, Rosalie.” I remind her. “And I would rather not be cougar for the rest of my life.”

“No one would know.” She reassures. “Esme told me that you almost fell asleep while looking at the final cupcake decisions today. You shouldn’t be this tired, Bella.”

“I’m fine.”

I will be once I am an equal to Edward, at least.

“No, you’re not.” Rose shakes her head. “Edward said that you were awake at one in the morning, waiting for him. Under the assumption that you would be woken up at six. That’s not healthy.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“What happens when you walk down the aisle and collapse?”

“I won’t.” I shift away from the immortal girl. I can’t take this right now. The last thing that I need is even more doubts about this wedding.

“We can postpone the wedding. Even for a month. So you can rest and rethink things.”

“I don’t need to rethink anything, thank you very much.”

“Bella.” Rosalie’s voice is deadly and low. “Don’t do this. If you care at all about yourself, don’t do this.”

“It’s my life, not yours.” I remind her.

“I know that.” She casts a glance at the floor, which I haven’t mopped in quite some time. “Bella, I’m trying to help you. Edward isn’t the one for you, I promise.”

“He is. He’s my everything.”

I couldn’t imagine existing without Edward. I could hardly even remember the seventeen years of my life before I met him, and I couldn’t imagine what it would be like without him.

How could I ever fall asleep without that cold embrace?

“He’s a predator! We all are.” Rose meets my eyes with a chilling gaze. “I know it. That’s why he’s irresistable. You can’t imagine a life without him, can you?”

“Well, no-”

“You feel like he’s the only thing keeping you alive, and that if he leaves, you’ll shatter again?”

“Well-”

“He’s a drug to you. You’ll gain immortality and realize that, and then he’ll leave you. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth. Leave without a damned soul, I’m begging you.”

It feels as though my throught is closing up with panic. Like the feeling you get when you’re about to cry. “That’s not true! None of that’s true!”

“It is.” Rosalie’s cold hands reach across the table to clasp mine. “I’m so sorry, but it is.”

“Get out.” I say with gritted teeth, flinging her hands off of me. “I am getting married tomorrow, and I don’t need this.”

“Please, Bella.” The blonde begs. “Don’t do it.”

“Get. Out.”

She must leave, because she’s not there when I look up. My eyes are stained with tears that threaten to spill over.

I can’t cry. I can’t cry before my rehearsal, what will everyone say?

Everyone will know that I’m not as good as Edward. Everyone will know that I don’t deserve him.

Everyone will know.

I blink back my tears, tilting my head upwards so they don’t spill over. I need some food, and a short walk before I head over to the rehearsal.

Edward will see this conversation in Rosalie’s mind. Surely she knows that.

She must know that. Still, she chose to have it.

I stumble over to the pantry, and choose a blueberry-flavored graham bar. I wish that I had time to make a more filling breakfast, but I don’t think that I do.

I quickly shuck the wrapper off and throw it in the trash, before making my way back over to the door.

Rosalie’s car is long gone, leaving only my truck in the driveway.

I still need to get the Cullen’s residence for the rehearsal.

That can’t wait. My mental state can.

The door opens with a bit of effort, and I hop into the rusty vehicle. It’s a couple miles to the Cullen’s house, which is more than enough time to think through this whole thing.

Honestly, it’s ridiculous. I can’t believe that Rosalie deemed it necessary to drive over here, knowing full well that Edward and Alice would be able to track her and know what was said, just to tell me that I didn’t know what I was doing, and that my impending marriage was a mistake.

It’s not a mistake. It’s the best decision that I’ve ever made.

I can’t believe that I was fortunate enough to move to Forks while Edward was here, and that he hadn’t already found a gorgeous vampire wife.

I was truely blessed to marry him.

As I drove the road that led to the Cullen’s house, there thoughts ran through my head again and again.

I repeated them as if I was a broken record, and it was the only thing that I remembered how to recite.

Except, I wasn’t broken. I was about to be more whole than I ever had been.

All because of Edward and his family.

Then, as I made an abrupt turn, a flash of fur darted across my path.

I hit the brakes in desperation, and my truck slid with a screech, moving into the other lane. Jerking the steering wheel with panic building in my veins, the vehicle spun in a complete circle.

It seemed as though time slowed down as the tree came closer and closer to my side of the truck.

***************************

“Bella? Bella, are you alright?”

I groaned, my hand moving to find my forehead.

It came away vaguely sticky.

Despite my aversion to blood earlier in my life, it had become a regular occurance while dealing with the Cullen family. I’d learned to get over it quickly.

Good thing I’d chosen a black sweater, otherwise Alice would have my head.

I pry my eyes open, only to find an all too familiar face staring back at me, anxiety creasing his brow.

“Jacob?” I ask unable to believe it.

“Yeah.” His hand is on my waist. How did that happen?

As if noticing my discomfort, he moves his hand with an awkward look. “Are you alright? Can you move everything? I-”

I can’t help but smile. “If I didn’t learn my lesson the last time, I would punch you again.”

“I would deserve it.” Jacob nods. “I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I left like that.” His black eyes stray from mine, as if he’s too ashamed to even look at me.

I wish that I could say that it was okay, I can’t.

I can’t.

I know that I broke his heart, and it’s selfish of me to expect that he’d be able to shake that off and continue being my best friend, but I am human. Selfish is all that I am.

“What in the world are you doing here?” I ask, shoving myself upright. “Running across the road, off all places?”

“Well, I heard that my best friend was getting married tomorrow.” Jacob’s eyes twinkle sadly at that sentence. “And I couldn’t miss that.”

I throw my arms around him, and he takes a startled step backwards.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” I murmur into his shirt.

Great, now I’m really in danger of crying.

Jacob’s arms wrap around me tentatively, but it’s the best thing I’ve felt in a while.

Warmth.

“I behaved like a child. I’m sorry.” He apologizes, rubbing my back.

“It’s okay. You’re here now, aren’t you?”

“I may not be for much longer, if Cullen sees the state of your vehicle.”

“Oh.” I reluctantly draw away and turn around.

Getting in a wreck truly seemed to be the last thing on my mind when Jacob was here. Jacob, of all people, the one who’d been there for me.

I wish that I could apologize in a way that meant something to him.

My truck’s passenger door is dented. I’m so lucky that it wasn’t the driver’s door, otherwise I’d have a lot more than a slightly scraped forehead and a body full of adrenaline.

Alice would hate me if I messed up my face right before the wedding.

“I can fix it, if you want.” Jacob offers from behind me.

“Oh.” I cast another glance at the truck that has been my faithful mode of transportation since I stepped foot in Forks. “It’s okay.”

“Really?” The boy’s eyebrow is quirked in surprise.

“Yeah. Edward told me that I was going to get a new one after I turned, after all.”

I had wished to have a say in that decision, but alas, I knew that he knew the best for me. He was my superior, after all.

“Bella, you love that truck.” Jacob reminds me, a tone of sadness in his voice.

“Yeah.” I stare at the slightly smoking vehicle. “I know.”

Chapter Text

It took almost half an hour for Jacob to declare my truck to be a lost cause, for now.

“I’ll come back up here with the right tools, and I’ll get it running again, I swear.” He tells me, stepping back with a sigh.

“It’s okay. Thanks anyways, Jake.”

“Anytime.”

There’s an awkward silence as we both struggle to find the words we need.

Should I apologize again? Would it make it worse?

I hate knowing that I hurt him. He’s my best friend, and I love him. I hated to see those two black-haired kids in my dreams, and knowing what I was giving up for Edward.

Jacob told me that he wasn’t going to tear me in half anymore.

Why was he here?

The sunlight catches his hair, grown out to his shoulders now, and I can see every shiny strand as he turns.

“How-”

“Do you need me to get you to the Cullen’s?” Jacob interrupts me. “It’s nine thirty, if that matters.”

“Can you? Please. Alice will kill me if I’m late for my own rehearsal.”

At the mention of the wedding, his eyes darken, but the light returns only moments later. He’s making an effort, and it’s reminding me why I loved him.

“Of course.” Jacob clears his throat. “Can you… turn around?”

“Oh. Right.” My cheeks flush a vibrant pink color as I swivel around, and even my ears burn when I hear the soft sound of his sweatpants falling to the ground.

I can’t do this. I can’t be around him, when I know that it’ll make me second guess everything. I don’t want to hurt Jacob again, just because I’m an young woman with active hormones.

A cold, wet nose touches the back of my neck, making me jump.

“Jake!” I complain, turning around.

Jacob looks extraordinary pleased with himself. He lowers his front legs with a snort of amusement, and hold still as I climb on.

I’ve only ever done this once before, in search of an adrenaline rush just like the bikes. Jacob didn’t exactly want another trip to the hospital for stitches, so he figured that this was safer.

My friend runs along the road, weaving in and out of the trees. He’s fast enough that I have the lean down and close my eyes, and just feel the wind rushing against my body and blowing the large sleeves of the sweater in the wind.

He’s so warm.

I’d forgotten that I could be this warm. It seemed like everything had been colder than ice these last months, as we planned the wedding and hosted the graduation parties.

It was as if the chill from the night in the tent had snuck right into my bones and refused to leave.

I hated to remember that day. I couldn’t do it without remembering Jacob’s wounded howl as he heard Edward and I discussing our engagement, and my pathetic barter of a kiss in exchange for his safety.

In fact, I had hated him in that moment. It felt so wrong, hating my best friend, and it only lasted a moment or two, but I did. I was terrified that something would happen to him just because I had led him on and made him believe that he had a chance against Edward.

Even though Edward was, and is, my everything. My own brand of heroin.

It’s not long before we reach the Cullen’s house. The long path to the driveway is covered in flowers, and lights that Alice has apparently reused from the graduation party. The Cullens put all of this up in one night, as I was unable to help.

I can’t wait until I can join them.

I’ll be perfect. Finally beautiful, finally athletic, finally worth something.

Jacob comes to a halt in front of the house. No one’s in sight, which makes me worried.

Am I already too late? It couldn’t have taken more than five minutes to get over here.

Jake trots off into the trees, leaving me staring at the massive house. The ceremony will be in the back, where I assume everyone else is, but I don’t want to go back there alone.

As selfish as it is, I wish that Jacob hadn’t left. I know that it’ll hurt him to see Edward and I, and I hate myself for wanting to hurt my best friend.

With a sigh, I start towards the backyard, when the sound of footsteps makes me turn back around.

Jacob, redressed in his tattered sweatpants, smiles. “I’m assuming that I can be here, right?”

“Of course!” I tell him, cringing at my high-pitched voice.

“Perfect.” He grins and mutters something about ‘mad Cullens’ under his breath.

Oh dear.

“Have you talked to anyone else? Since coming back into Forks?” I ask him.

“Er- no.” He admits with a shake of his head. “I wasn’t even planning to talk to you, but…”

“Yeah.” I elbow him playfully, and instantly regret it as he steps away from my touch. “Be nice, okay? Charlie’s here, and he’s not too thrilled with you disappearing like this. And, I bet that the Cullen’s won’t be too happy about you show up, either.”

“I can leave.” Jacob offers, stopping in his tracks.

“No!” I grab his arm for a split second, ignoring his odd expression. “Please stay!”

He smiles, ever so slightly. “Alright. I will. For you.”

Those words reawaken something in me- I can feel it.

I refuse to. I cannot lead Jacob on again, especially when I don’t mean too. I’m getting married tomorrow, for heaven’s sake!

As we round the corner, I collide with a small, hard body.

“Bella! Where have you been?” Alice chastises me, grabbing me by the shoulders. “I couldn’t see-” Then, she catches sight of Jacob. “Oh. I was hoping that I imagined the scent of dog.”

“I… got into a bit of an accident. Jacob had to run up here so I would make it in time.” I tell her, trying to shrug away from her grip. She’s strong when she’s mad.

“Well, come on!” Her small hand find my wrist, and she pulls me forward. “There’s so much to set up for. We didn’t think that you’d be this late, and Edward’s already gotten after Rosalie for telling you to wait-”

“I’ll go find Charlie.” Jacob says softly, right in my ear. “Good luck.”

I don’t even have time to acknowledge that I heard him before he walks off.

“Did he have to arrive in just sweatpants?” Alice asks, her tone mild. “It completely throws off the scheme.”

“He didn’t plan to, Alice.” I tell her. “I’m just glad he’s back.”

“Yeah.” She nods, her eyes spacey. Then, she frowns, and shakes her head, sending her perfectly gelled hair into a mess. “Come on. Edward’s waiting for you.”

“Sorry.” I apologize as we turn to a jog, heading towards the deck. Everywhere’s decorated with flowers and ribbons, and we have to weave through a ridiculous amount of tables on our way.

The smell is almost suffocating. There’s so much going on-

“Bella.”

I don’t have time to turn my head before Edward crushes me in a hug, causing me to lose my breath for a moment.

“H-hi.” I say, leaning into him. Here, this is where I belong.

It’s cold here.

“What is he doing here?” My love freezes for a moment, and he speaks those words as if they’re poison.

“He’s the only reason I got here, Edward.” I tell him. “He’s my best friend. Please, be nice.”

Edward relaxes in my arms. “Alright, darling. I will, for you.”

I just heard those words. I know I did.

“Disgusting.” It takes me a moment to recognize Emmett’s teasing tone. “Darling? Really? Let’s be original here, brother.”

Edward hisses something under his breath and draws away from me. “Can it, Emmett.”

“What? Is someone a little… touchy?”

The dark-haired boy is wearing a bright smirk and a ridiculously sparkly t-shirt with the image of a bear on it. Half of me wants to laugh at it, and the other half is just relieved that I don’t seem to be underdressed.

I’m sure that if Alice had her way, I would be stuck in my dress all day, but Esme talked her down from that.

‘Don’t put everything on Bella, dear’, she had told her daughter. ‘She’ll have enough attention as it is’.

I had never loved Esme more than I did in that moment.

“Alice wants to know if you want her and Rosalie to stand beside you, or if they should take a seat, so it’s just us up there.” Edward tells me.

“Well, if I get a choice… I’d like it to be just us.” I lean into him again, his cold arm around my shoulder.

It’s so cold.

“Perfect.” He sneaks a kiss onto my temple, and his lips are even colder than his arms were. “That will will work perfectly.”

I can’t wait to be perfect.

“Alice wants you. To put a bit of makeup on, and then line up for the first run-through of the wedding events.” Edward’s eyes flick to the sky as he reads his sister’s wishes through his mind. “She’s upstairs in the main room.”

“Alright.” I begrudgingly draw away from my love, leaving him with Emmett, who’s staring at the two of us like a twelve-year old who’s never even held hands with a girl before.

I wander through the door and up the stairs, gazing at the pictures on the walls for the hundredth time. Most of them are fakes, of course, to make it look like the Cullens aged over time. I can’t help but smile at a false baby portrait of Edward.

Rosalie has made it abundantly clear several times that I’ll be giving up any potential for future children. I’ve never thought much about the prospect, and although I know that it may hurt one day, it’s nothing in comparison to getting to marry Edward and become a vampire.

I would give everything to get to call him my equal.

“Bella!” Alice waves me over as I near the top of the stairs. “Come on! I only have about ten minutes!”

“Ten minutes too many.” I remark as I slide into the chair she has set up. “Why do I have to do this today, anyways?”

“Because I need to know what to do with your soft glam.” Alice gently turns my head, dragging a faintly damp brush across my cheeks. Ugh.

I’ve never been one for wearing makeup. I’d tried in back in Phoenix, when I was thirteen, but the foundation had always made me break out worse and the mascara had irritated my eyes.

I supposed that my wedding day could be an exception, though.

“Can you put her hair in a bun?” Alice asks Rosalie, who was busy sorting through the too many bottles on the table.

“Yeah.” The blonde moves, and I feel her cold hands working through my tangled hair scarcely a moment later.

I can’t wait to have that sort of speed and efficiency. I’ll get so much done!

“Can you try to get some good sleep tonight?” Alice asks, tilting my chin upwards. “Your wedding will be awful for you if you’re sleep-deprived. And, I have some very dark circles to cover.”

“Yeah. I’ll try.”

I know that I won’t. Edward will certainly be in my bed tonight, and not even three winter blankets is enough to keep the chill away from my sensitive human skin.

It’s alright. I only have a few months left as human Bella.

I can’t wait to never feel the cold again.

Chapter Text

Once Emma goes, you go too, okay?” Alice asks me, fretting over the few pieces of hair that hand in front of my eyes.

I nod. Emma is the girl that Alice found to be the flower girl, a blonde little menace that preferred eating her basket of petals to tossing them.

I thought she was hilarious, but not many people felt the same way.

Charlie’s arm is wound around mine, a familiar comfort. Renee has been on my case about the supposedly outdated concept of my father giving me away, but I was just shocked that he hadn’t shot Edward at the news of our engagment. Giving me away meant a lot to him, and as long as I got to become part of Edward’s family, I was down for anything.

Alice and Rosalie parade down the aisle, my two bridesmaids. Emmet and Jasper stand next to Edward, obviously.

I wanted Angela and Jessica to be up there, too, but Alice couldn’t find anyone else to even out Edward’s side, and it would have messed with the photos, or so she said.

I was slightly sad about that. It felt like I was leaving everything behind- something that I was happy to do for my fiance, yet there was a bittersweet tone about it.

Emma shoves a handful of flower petals in her mouth with a pleased expression before she starts down the stairs.

I can’t help but laugh a little. After our first few rehearsals proved that Emaa was prone to snacking on her petals, Alice found a sweet shop in Port Angeles that made edible and biodegradable rose petals- although that just seemed to encourage the child to eat foliage.

“Ready, kiddo?” Charlie murmurs, taking the first step.

“Yep.” I whisper back.

He says something else about Edward, but the pounding of my heart drowns the sound out.

I’m going to be married.

I knew that before, obviously, but it seems so much more real now. Marriage isn’t as important to me as it is to Edward, and if I could be turned without the practice, I gladly would.

I hate to be the girl that got married the month after graduating high school, but I’ll do anything to be a vampire.

My shoes crunch on the few petals that Emma has actually tossed and not eaten as we make our way down the aisle.

I can see the Cullens in the front seats, having taken their places already. With a twinge of sadness, I see Jacob in the third row back, a full ten feet separating him from any of the vampires, a seat away from Emma’s mom. He looks miserable, and I regret asking him to be here.

Charlie clears his throat, and I drop his arm. I hadn’t realized that we had already reached the end of the aisle- too busy in examining the few who stand in for the guests that will be here tomorrow.

Edward’s smile looks a bit forced as he takes me hand, with a nod to Charlie, who goes to sit beside Renee and Phil. They’d gotten a hotel in Port Angeles, and I hadn’t thought that they would make it to rehearsal in time.

But they were here.

Everyone was here- and everyone was staring at me.

Cold sweat breaks out along my forehead as I hold both of Edward’s hands between us, as the preacher gives a condensed version of the speech that he will preform tomorrow.

“I’d rather if you didn’t stare at him during our wedding, darling.” He murmurs, his finger brushing across the ring sitting on my left hand.

I blush, having not realized that my eyes had found Jacob in the small crowd. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

The preacher finished his speech, and gives the fateful order, the one that’s supposed to be the happiest sentence I will ever hear.

But as Edward’s lips meet mine, as he kisses the new bride, all I can feel is the chill that separates us.

I hate being reminded that I’m so different from him. So ugly, so fragile… so human.

The only reason that I’m able to leave is Edward’s guiding hand, pulling me down the aisle. The petals crunch under my feet as we exit, and I look over my shoulder one last time- to meet Jacob’s eyes, to send my pitiful ‘sorry’ to him.

I hope he knows that I mean it.

Giving up my visits to La Push is probably the worst part of turning. I’ll miss the carefree afternoons and evening that I’ve spent with Jacob. The motorcycle adventures, my ill-fated cliff-diving expedition, the nights that we spent doing ‘homework’, and our fight over years.

I’ll miss him more than anything.

“Are you alright, darling?” Edward asks, his perfect brow creased in concern. “I can make him leave, if you want. I don’t want anything to ruin this day for you.”

“No, no.” I tell him. “I want him to be here.”

“I figured.” My fiance’s amber eyes grow distant, presumably as he listens the to minds of the crowd that we just left. “I didn’t let Jasper push him back over his side of the line, just in case.”

Oh. I had completely forgotten about the treaty. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you.” Edward plants a kiss to my temple, and I lean into his chest as we take a seat on the ground-level porch, waiting for the everyone else to leave.

It’s almost four already, the rehearsal having taken much longer than I thought it would. I had seen Renee sharing cheese sticks with both Charlie and Phil as the two bonded over baseball- evidently, the Cullens had forgotten that human usually had lunch at around twelve.

No wonder why poor Emma was chewing on her flower petals.

Her and her mom had left halfway through the vow recital, as she had become fussy. I selfishly wished that she hadn’t, as the child’s cries had been an excuse to avert my eyes from Edward’s increasingly intense gaze.

“Bella!” I turn my head towards the sound of my mom’s voice, and only had a moment before she swept me up in her arms. “My baby! That was beautiful.”

Oh, goodness. Renee already had tears smearing her mascara, and she hadn’t even heard our vows yet.

Mine weren’t all that great, as I had never had a gift with words, and there wasn’t much to tell Edward, besides slight subtext about us finally becoming equals with one another with our union.

I hoped that I wouldn’t cry and smear Alice’s intricate makeup job at his vows, however. Edward had words of honey and a tendency to start my waterworks.

“Thanks.” I pat her on the back as she released me.

“My baby, all grown up.” Phil wraps one arm around her as she wept. “Getting married. Oh, goddess Bella.”

“It’s alright, mom.” I share a sheepish smile with Charlie, and he shrugged.

I slowly slid away from Edward as my mother started on him about ‘taking good care of her daughter’, and how handsome he was.

There was still someone that I needed to see.

Jacob was just outside, standing awkwardly, still in his dirty sweatpants, no shoes in sight. Renee had made a face at him several times during the ceremony, and I know that I would have as well if I didn’t know about his habit of transforming into a massive furry beast.

“Hey.” I greet him with a small wave. “You didn’t have to stay for that whole thing. I’m sorry that it took so long.”

He shrugs, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. “Nothing to be sorry for. It’s your wedding, after all.”

I can’t stand this. That hurt look on his face- how defeated he looks, like everything he has was tossed away and burned.

I throw my arms around him and sink into his warm chest, and feel his own hands warily find their place on my back.

“I’m sorry, Jake.” I whisper. “I can’t say it enough.”

“It’s okay, Bells.” He tells me, giving me a quick squeeze before stepping backwards. “I-”

Jacob’s words are interrupted by a stern female voice.“No, don’t eat that.”

I turn my head to see Emma and her mother, making their way back down the aisle. The feral little girl is crouched on the ground, munching on the sugary crumbs of stepped-on petals.

Her mother gives me a wan smile. “Sorry. I’ll make sure that she doesn’t do this tomorrow.”

“It’s alright. I think it’s hilarious.” I tell her with a smile. “Are you back to get her jacket? It’s on your guys’s bench.”

“Yes, thank you.” The woman shoots her daughter a tired look. “We can’t go anywhere without leaving anything, can we?”

Emma grunts her agreement, making a noise of discontent as her mother drags her to her feet by her armpits.

She tilts her head as she looks at me, and I smile at her, releasing Jacob from my arms.

“That’s not your boyfriend.” The little girl tells me forlornly, her speech slurred with a lisp. “You shouldn’t hug him.”

“Emma-” Her mother blushes a very odd pink color, and I’m sure that I’m doing the same. “A hug is platonic, remember?”

“What’s plan- tone- ick?” I hear the child ask as her mom hauls her away down the aisle.

I hate that she’s right. Emma, of course, knows nothing of Jacob and I’s past, and how badly I hurt him, and although her reasons were wrong, her opinions were right.

I shouldn’t act as though he’s my entire world anymore. It’s not proper or polite, given the fact that I’m marrying the one he competed with in just twelve hours.

“I’ll go.” Jacob murmurs from behind me, but I catch him wrist as he turns to leave.

“No, please, stay. Charlie’ll want some company during the dinner, surely.” I try to smile, blinking away the tears brought by shame. “You can eat all you want, at the Cullen’s expense.”

He pauses. “Well, that’s tempting.”

There’s a hint of the smile that I once loved more than a friend, and I’m happy to see it. I hope that I’ll be able to show him that we can still be friends, even after I’m turned.

Jacob says that it’s impossible, but it’s just never been done before. I know that I’ll always need my Jacob, and I hope that he’ll always call me Bells.

My Jacob.

The possessive words send a chill down my spine. I shouldn’t be thinking like this- it’s horrible for everyone, myself included.

I have never been luckier that Edwarrd can’t see my thoughts, and my small shred a of doubt about our union. I know that I need him- I can’t live without him, as he proved the first time that he and the rest of his family left Forks.

Next time that they leave, they’ll take me with them.

I won’t be able to be around anyone else for at least a year- maybe more. I won;t be able to ever go to La Push again, and I certainly will never have another girl’s night in Port Angeles, at least while everyone who knew the Cullens still lives.

“Please let me at least feed you, as a thank you. For getting me here.” I tell him, letting go of his wrist. “This whole rehearsal would have been ruined if not for you.”

“Well, it was almost ruined because of me.”

I can’t help but laugh a little at that. “Fair enough. Still, please stay. Then, we can head back to Forks, and get the tools to get my truck out of the ditch. It should be fine, it’s a sturdy little bugger.”

“Bella…” Jacob’s words are soft. “You have to stay here. You’re the bride; you can’t leave your own rehearsal dinner with another man.”

“Oh. Right.”

For a brief, joyful moment of time, I had forgotten that fact.

Chapter Text

“A toast to the bride!” Renee raises her glass for what seems to be the fifteenth time this night.

I smile uncomfortably, Edward’s grip on my hand a bit too tight.

The rehearsal dinner is going by much slower than I thought it would. I’m seated between Edward and Alice, one of which has hardly let go of me long enough for me to eat, and the other has been ‘teasing’ me about being picky with my wedding choices.

Rosalie refuses to meet my eyes. Apparently, half of the family got after her for trying to talk me away from my own wedding for the second time.

I wish that I could tell them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. Apparently, having a beating heart means that I don’t know what I’m talking about.

The conversation is stagnant, and the only amusing part of it has been Emmett passing the Cullen’s untouched plates to Jacob, who happily devours it.

I’m glad that he stayed. I can tell how hard he’s trying to be happy for Edward and I, and I truly appreciate him for it. Charlie does, too. Even if he wishes that I wasn’t with my fiance at all.

I wish that I could tell them what Edward means to me. Living without him would mean nothing- heck, I almost died last time I tried it. Several times.

“I want you up at five, no later.” Alice tells me. She’s been running through the game plan for tomorrow the entire night, terrified that I’ll be late to my own wedding.

I’m a mess, but I’m not that terrible.

Besides, if Edward spends the night, as he usually does, I won’t sleep, which eliminates the possibility of oversleeping!

It’s a foolproof plan.

“Yes. I understand.” I respond for the fifth time in a row.

“And, remember, it takes you almost thirty minutes to get your dress on! And, we’ll still need make-up…”

“Alice, I think that she understands.” Edward interjects serenly, his cold fingers playing with the engagement ring on my hand.

“Sure. Anyways-”

“Honey, you may want to discuss something else for a while.” Esme places her hand on Alice’s shoulder. “Give Bella a break.”

The black-haired girl frowned. “Oh, alright.” Then, her amber eyes lit up with excitement. “Right! The honeymoon!”

My honeymoon?

I had forgotten to think of the possibility. After all, people would have a honeymoon to become closer, and Edward and I were as close as can be, and to, for lack of a more polite word, consummate the marriage.

I’d begged him to once- and he had denied me.

Then, he had asked me, that night in the meadow, which seems like so so long ago. I had pushed him away, unable to shake the feeling that this wasn’t the right time or place.

“It’ll be tropical, of course. All good honeymoons are.” Alice grins, elbowing me. “And, I have packed the most exquisite swimwear for you!”

“Thank you.” I hated the beach. I had always burned in Phoenix- even when I was covered up. But, Alice just seemed so excited about it-

“You’re very welcome, sister.” She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I just hope nothing goes wrong.”

“Nothing will.” I reassure her. It’s odd, having to calm someone else’s nerves before my own wedding, but this means much more to Alice than it does to me, honestly.

My soon-to-be sister nods, turning her attention to a glass of water that she pretends to drink.

****************

“Are you excited, darling?” Edward asks as we lay entangled in my bed.

“Yes.” I tell him, glancing at the floor. “And nervous, honestly. I feel as though Alice will have my head if anything goes wrong.”

He laughs, the sound close to my ear. “Don’t pay any attention to her. It’s your day, after all.”

“Right.” I try to close my eyes. It has to be close to one in the morning, way too late for me to get a decent amount of sleep.

I have to be up in four hours.
In ten, I will likely be married.

Wow.

That’s terrifying.

Married. To Edward.

The nerves that I have been trying to avoid hit all at once, and I curl in on myself, trying to preserve any warmth that I can.

Edward doesn’t take the hint, simply winding himself tighter around me.

I can’t wait until we can lay like this without my sleep suffering, Heck, I can’t wait until I can live without sleeping.

Then, a terrifying thought occurs to me: what if Edward doesn’t change me right away after the wedding?

What if I have to be married to an unchanging man as I grow old, maybe even to twenty-three?

I had always imagined my vampire face with the features I had while I still was in my teens. I didn’t know if my fantasies could take that major blow.

Maybe Rosalie was right.

No, no, I can’t think that-

“Are you alright, Bella?” Edward murmurs in my ear, and I takea breath to calm my racing heart.

“Yes, of course. Just nerves.”

It’s nothing. It’s just nerves, and in less than twelve hours I will marry the man that I need more than anything, and I will be beautiful and live forever-

“Alright, darling.” He plants a kiss on my temple, right at my hairline. “Try to get some sleep, please. Alice will pitch a huge fit if you ruin her canvas with dark circles.”

“Mhm.”

I know that I won’t get any sleep.

****************

“Bella, darling, it’s time for you to wake up.” Edward’s gentle voice arouses me from my dreams, and I blink in confusion.

That can’t be it. I need more rest than this.

“Alice is ready to break down the door, if that’s what it takes.” He laughs softly. “If you have any regard to your father’s wallet, I would suggest that you wake up.”

My groom is standing above me as I stretch my arms, willing my aching body into a sitting position.

“Get dressed quickly. Alice is on the porch. She’ll drive you to the house.”

And he’s gone. Faster that I would have though possible, leaving me reeling. But- I wanted to spend this with him.

I guess that tradition runs deeper in this wedding that I initially thought.

I quickly root through my drawers, pulling another sweater and a piar of pink pants from the drawer. Alice will have me made over soon, so there’s really no point in trying to look perfectly styled.

Racing down the porch, I pass the small wall of photos that Charlie has lined up down the stairs. Him and Renee’s wedding, my birth announcement, photos of me, Jacob, and his sisters proudly holding fish.

And, the last one.

A snapshot that I hadn’t realized he had taken and framed… a picture of Jacob and I, my head on his shoulder, and his arm around me, watching a baseball game.

When did he put this up?

I’m lost in my thought for a moment, tracing the tiny faces in the frame. I look… happy. Content. Not a dark circle to be seen. I feel a stab of pain for Jacob, the one that I love, but not enough, and the life that I am throiwng away today.

Alice’s knock startles me from my reverie, and I hurry through the kitchen, past Charlie, who sits at the kitchen table, reading the morning news with a cup of coffee.

“Good luck, Bella.” He tells me, but he looks sad.

“Thanks, Dad.” I respond with a bright smile, hoping that he doesn’t notice the near-black crescent moons under my eyes.

“I’ll be there at about eight, after I figure out the blasted tie.”

“Alright.” We share one last look before I sprint to the door, cutting Alice’s last knock off.

“I’m here, I’m here.” I push past her, to the running car in the driveway. It’s her flashy red sports car, the one that the Cullens used to drive to school with.

“Thank goodness.” The pixie-like girl bounces beside me, looking unnaturally cheerful for this ungodly hour of the morning. “I was worried that I was going to have to bust down your door.”

“Thank you for restraining yourself.” I slump in the passenger seat, closing my eyes.

“Hey.” Alice’s chastising tone sends shivers down my spine.”I thought that I told you to take good care of my canvas!”

“I’m sorry.” I apologize, pulling the seatbelt over my shoulder.

She sighes, pulling out of the driveway. “It’s alright. I’m only disappointed, that’s all.”

********************

“Please, stop moving!”

“Sorry.” I try to still my arms, resisting the urge to scratch the itchy lace that lays against my throat.

“It’s alright.” Alice pulls the the slip over my legs, and ties a garter belt to my thigh with a cheeky grin.

“Alice-”

“It’s tradition, Bella.”

I know better than to argue with that. After all, there’s not much that is as important as tradition to this family.

The family that I will soon be a part of.

A vampire.

Rosalie’s voice flashes through my head. ‘You won’t know human emotion ever again. You won’t get children, you won’t get to feel warmth.’

I banish the thoughts before they can do any more damage. This is going to be the most perfect day of my life, and there is nothing that will stand between me and immortality.

Besides sleep, maybe. And the chill that resonates throughout this house.

No, I can’t think that.

***********************

“It’s time!” Alice’s excited squeal all but fractures my eardrums, and I wince, holding onto Charlie’s upper arm. “Places!”

Emma stands on my other side, pleasedly eating her flower petals.Alice takes the basket away from her and hands it to Renee. “Don’t give that back until to walk down.”

“Are you ready, Bella?” Charlie asks me, his voice soft.

“Yep.” I respond, barely. My throat is clogged with tears, and it feels like I will never breathe again, not until this day is over with.

He gives me a worried look as Alice flits over to me, adjusting my veil with light fingers. “Bella, don’t cry. It’ll ruin all of my hard work.”

I nod, unable to say much else.

‘You won’t know human emotion ever again. You won’t get children, you won’t get to feel warmth.’

I can’t wait for this day to be over with.

The music starts, and my heart stops.

Renee and Phil filter out first, handing the basket back to Emma.

One by one, almost everyone that I’ve loved throughout my short life walks through those glass porch doors.

I can’t-

I don’t-

Breathe, I tell myself. Breathe, it’ll be okay.

Just wait until you see Edward standing at the end of that aisle, and he smiles at you, one of those dazzling smiles that you teased him for, and everything will be alright-

I can’t ruin Alice’s careful job on my face. She would kill me, and I would never have a chance to enjoy my immortality.

I don’t notice that I’m heaving until Emma leaves, walking through the doors while chewing on a sugary petal.

“Bella?” Charlie asks, sounding concerned. “It’s our turn.”

“Dad…” I look up at him, my eyes blurry with tears.

“Are you-”

“No! I can’t do this!”

I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

“Bella.” Charlie’s voice is low as he gently dabs at my tears with the tip of his tie, before I ruin my mascara. “Is it nerves?”

“I… I don’t know.”

It’s something more, I can feel it.

“I can’t do this, Dad. T- Tell Alice I’m sorry.”

“Bella? What do you mean?”

I can’t face him. I can’t face any of them, especially looking like this.

I don’t deserve this family, and I don’t know if I want to deserve this family, and I can’t breathe, and I- need- air-

I burst away from Charlie, sprinting away from those glass doors, away from the scented roses, leaving my itchy veil on the ground behind me.

The door is so close.

I don’t have to do this-

But imagine the look on Edward’s face when I abandon him-

I can’t, I don’t deserve any of this-

I bunch my stiff skirt in my sweaty palms and sprint out the door, only to run headfirst into a apparently very late guest,

“Bella? Bella?”

Jacob’s hand are on my shoulders, and he’s giving me a worried and confused look, and I’m sorry that I ever hurt him so much-

“I need to go.” I manage to spit out. “I need to leave.”

My best friend hesitates, before pulling a set of keys out of him pocket.

He looks awful. Like he hasn’t slept any more than I have.

“Bella-”

“Now.”

Jacob nods, turning back towards the Rabbit, parked in the front of the driveway.

I get in.

Not a single second thought enters my mind as he presses the gas pedal to the floor.

Chapter Text

I barely lasted five minutes before falling asleep in the passenger seat of Jacob’s car, itchy wedding dress and all.

My dreams are haunted with flowers, their centers filled with blood, scattered along the aisle. I couldn’t see quite right- I couldn’t move my feet, either.

I look up to see Edward at the head of the aisle, standing beside a preacher, an open Bible in his hands. My fiance gives me a disappointed look, and his eyes are soft with an emotion that I can’t quite decipher.

“I thought you were stronger than this, Bella.” He murmurs, his eyes meeting mine.

They’re pitch black.

“Edward…” I try to speak, but I can’t. My throat is seized with a burning desire for something…

Something.

There’s a mirror where I hadn’t noticed one before, and when I look into it, I don’t recognize the girl staring back at me.

She’s beautiful, every bit as gorgeous as Rosalie or Alice, and her eyes are blood red.

As I stare, the color leeches from my face, and blood pours down from my eyes.

They’re white.

Nothing else. No pupil, no iris, nothing.

Edward’s arms are around me. “It’s alright, darling. It’s all part of the process.”

No. I want to say it, but I can't.

I can’t say no to him.

“Bella?”

A soft voice cuts through the fabric of my nightmares, slowly bringing me back to reality.

“Bella, are you alright?”

I open my eyes to sunlight cutting across the dash of the Rabbit. Jacob is sitting in the driver’s seat, his hand resting on the center console.

“Mhm.” I groan, pushing myself into an upright position. “What-”

Then, it all comes rushing back.

The aisle covered in flowers. Charlie dabbing at my eyes with his tie. Me, running away from my own wedding, the single thing that I had dreamed of for so long.

“Bella?” Jacob asks tentatively. His hand extends towards me, but he pauses… as if he’s scared to touch me.

“Yeah.” My voice is hoarse. I don’t know how long I cried while I was asleep, but my eyelashes feel heavy and my undereyes crusted over with gathered makeup.

“Do you… How are you feeling?”

“Tired.” I look up at Jacob, and he looks more stressed than I’ve ever seen him. More stressed than when he pulled me out of the water during my ill-fated cliff diving attempt, and definitely more stressed than the fight with Victoria.

“Do you want to go back?” It seems as though those words hurt him, but he still says them.

There’s a beat of silence as I deliberate.

“No.”

Jacob blinks. “Okay.”

We’re parked in a field of grass, where the sunlight cuts through the golden blades and highlights every detail of the trees below. The sun is past it’s highest point, which makes me wonder how long we’ve been driving.

“If you want to change, there’s a spare set of clothes in the trunk.” My best friend fixes his eyes on the field before us, avoiding my eyes. “They’ll be huge on you, but-”

“Yes please.” I need to get out of this dress. I’m sure that I have irritated red lines all along my arms and neck from the untrimmed edges of lace.

“Alright.” Jacob hesitates for a moment before hopping out of the car. He’s back in a flash, handing me a large bundle of cloth. “I’ll be outside.”

I try to smile with gratitude as I take the bundle from him, but he looks away before he can receive it.

The wedding dress is impossible to undo, with Alice’s tied buttons all along the back, meant to be undone by either her or Edward after the day was over.

I hate to ask… but I’ll never be able to get it off by myself. I cant even rip the stupid thing off, since Alice requested double seams on every part that I could have damaged on my own.

I open the car door, breathing deeply as the sunlight hits my face.

This feels nice. This feels warm.

“Jacob?” His head pops up from the other side of the car, where he had been apparently hunkered down. “Can… can you help me with this? I can’t get it undone by myself.”

“Yeah.”

His fingers are warm on the back of my neck, and he fumbles quite a bit before getting the first few undone.

“Jake?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

He’s quiet for a moment. “I wouldn’t.”

“...why?”

“It’s your happy ending. I should have never interfered.”

The neckline of my dress goes slack as a few more buttons are undone, and I clasp my hands to my chest to keep it up. “But I needed you to.”

“There. It’s undone.” His fingers leave the back of my neck, and he steps away.

“Jacob.”

“Go get changed. I’ll be out here when you’re ready.”

“Jake!”

“What?” He spins back around to face me. His hair is a mess, covered half of his face. It’s grown out to his shoulders now, a few inches longer than the last time I saw him. “What, Bella? Please. Get changed. Don’t do this again.”

I bite my lip to keep my eyes from welling up. “Okay.”

Why do I always have to make a mess of everything? I chose Edward… I should have been able to stick to that choice. I can’t keep doing this to everyone that I love.

I’m sure that everyone is in a panic now. Jessica will make some joke about a failed shotgun wedding, I’m sure. The Cullens will be out of their minds, trying to track me down.

I don’t want them to find me. I can’t see another pair of amber eyes right now.

I fumble out of the dress, and pull the t-shirt and sweatpants on. They’re warm with the sun, and they smell like Jacob. Like pine trees and the sidewalk right after it rains.

“I’m done.” I say quietly, knowing that he’ll hear me from outside the car.

It’s only a moment later that his door opens, and he slides in. Jacob refuses to meet my eyes, like he’s ashamed of something.

I can’t do this. I can’t live without saying something… I’ll just hurt him even worse.

“Jacob… I’m sorry.”

He winces as his hands settle on the steering wheel. “It’s okay, Bella, really. You don’t have to apologize again.”

“I feel like I have to.”

“Well, you don’t.”

“Then what do I need to do?” I ask him desperately, leaning over the console. “What do I need to do to make things the same?”

“Nothing.” Jacob mumbles. “It’s over. I told you that I wouldn’t stand between you and Cullen.”

“What if I want you to?”

He freezes, his eyes fixed on the field ahead. I truly wonder what’s so interesting about that grass that he can’t just look at me.

“Don’t do this. Don’t give me hope.”

“You’re my best friend, Jake. I need you.” I place my hand on his arm. “Right now, more than anything.”

Jacob looks as though he’s deliberating something, before sighing. “Where do you want to go? I can take you back to the Cullens, if you want to.”

“No. Never. Well… at least not for a while.”

I need time to think. I need time to discover what I want… without the craziness of vampires and werewolves and and immortal marriage contract.

“I want to go away from here. Far away.”

“I can do that. Where are you thinking?”

“I don’t know. Just somewhere that isn’t here.”

I need to leave Forks, and all of the memories for a while. I don’t know how I’m supposed to heal if I see Edward’s face everywhere.

In person and not. I still remember the first time that he left, and how I would do anything to see his face through an adrenaline rush. It wasn’t fair to Jake, that I was just hanging around him because I knew that it would drive Edward crazy.

Jacob starts the engine, and pulls out of the outlook that we were parked on, and he starts back down a gravel road, towards what I assume is the highway. “I need to stop for gas first, and probably get some food. Then, we’ll leave this town in the dust, okay?”

I nod. “That sounds great.”

The trees rush past my window as I lean against it.

I wonder what my life would be like if I had never left Phoenix. Would I have a boyfriend by now? Would I have even considered the thought of marriage without Edward’s influence?

I would have just graduated from the high school that I spent two and a half years in. I would still have known the few friends I had, and I would have shopped for prom with them, not Jessica and Angela.

I would have never become reacquainted with Jacob, though. I would have probably only seen him whenever I cam back to visit Charlie after graduation, and I would have never asked him to fix those bikes.

Life would be so much simpler, and not near as bright.

“Do you want anything?” Jacob asks as he pulls into a fuel pump. “You can run in and get a snack if you want to. I’ll be in in a few.”

I nod. A snack sounded great.

Alice hadn’t let me eat anything, in fear of ruining my dress and carefully applied lipstick. At one point, I had almost gotten desperate enough to eat one of Emma’s flower petals.

I open the door and wander inside, ignoring the suspicious looks that get sent my way. I’m sure that I look awful, with my caked-up makeup and the baggy clothes, complete with white heels.

I make my way to the bathroom first, and almost cry at my reflection.

I don’t look anything like myself. I look like one of the movie stars in those tabloids after being caught cheating.

I scrub my face quickly, cursing the strong stuff that Alice used. It takes almost five tries to get all of it off, and my eyelashes are still a bit crusty.

Oh, well.

I wander out of the bathroom and pick out a muffin and a thing of apple juice from a small breakfast cart. It has to be well past noon, but breakfast is my favorite meal.

Jacob meets me at the register, his own arm full of an unreasonable amount of sandwiches and a half-gallon on sweet tea.

“Gas on pump five.” He tells the lady working the counter, while setting down his load of food.

I don’t miss the way that she looks at him. It’s the same way that everyone looked at Edward back at school: like they’re wondering what I’m doing with him.

She says something else, but I block out the rest of the conversation, staring out the window.

This still looks like Forks, but I know it isn’t. It must be another small town about fifty miles down the highway, a popular tourist destination by the looks of the brightly smiling cartoon animals posted on the billboards outside.

“Grab your stuff, Bella.” Jacob nudges me away from the window, and I go for my food.

I make my way back out to the Rabbit, settling into the passenger seat with a sigh.

When Jacob gets in, I take all but one of his sandwiches and place them in a box that I found by my feet.

“Hey.” He protests, but it’s a mild, friendly type of protest.

“You drive. I’ll unwrap them and hand them to you.”

My freind smiles slightly. “Wow. Driver’s privilege, I guess.”

“I’m just not in the mood to get into another car accident.” I tease him, instantly regretting it as his face falls.

“Fair enough.”

The next few miles are silet as we both eat, neither of us willing to break the awkward tension.

I hope that Edward doesn’t track me out here. Maybe he’ll realize that this is for the best… that we need some time apart.

I hope that he’ll realize that I’ll come back.

Eventually.

Chapter Text

Jacob drove all day, and I slowly lost count of how many towns we drove through. I had never been through this part of Washington, having never seen a reason to leave Forks.

“We’re coming up on Olympia.” Jake tells me. “Is there anything that you need?”

I stir from my daydreams, sitting straighter in the passenger seat. I had kind of forgotten that I had left everything in Forks… including basic hygiene items.

“Probably a hairbrush.” My hair was still in the style that Alice had wound it into, and while it didn’t seem like it was budging anytime soon, I was going to need to undo it soon. “And a toothbrush.”

Jacobs nods. “We’ll go by Walmart. I need a snack, anyways.”

I laugh softly. “You always need a snack, Jake.”

“Well, we better buy in bulk, then.” He smiles, something that I’ve sorely missed.

The way that Jacob smiles is like nothing I’ve ever seen. It’s like the sun inside of him is escaping, and he’s happy to let it do so. Even with his new, wolf-grown face, there’s a hint of his chubby cheeks, and they push the corners of his eyes up in a way that steals my breath away.

“Probably smart. We can’t go broke, Jacob.”

“We’ll be okay. For a bit.” He pauses. “I sold the Harley. To a collector in Port Angeles. It brought a pretty penny.”

“Oh.”

I hadn’t known that he sold it. It hurt somehow, even though I knew that I had completely given it to him.

We had made some of our best memories through the bikes. I would even venture that I would have never come completely out of my Edward-induced depression if it weren’t for Jacob and the motorcycles.

As we drove closer to Olympia, signs started popping up along the road. Big billboards, advertising whiskey and where to find fast food at the nearest exit.

The city grew around us, until we were in the heart of it.

It was chaos.

I had never realized that I would miss any part of Forks, but this was the one thing that I had hated about Phoenix.

Jacob’s hands tighten around the wheel as an older woman flies around him and flips him off.

“I guess that’s why there aren’t wolves in big cities. “ He remarks, staring sullenly at the speeding van. “Paul would lose it daily.”

I can’t help but laugh a little. “Probably.”

Jake took the exit to Walmart with a few other incidents, and before I knew it, we were pulling into the parking lot.

It was raining, typical of Washington. It seemed as though the Forks weather had followed us in our escape.

As we ran through the puddles, Jake extended his jacket to cover my head. I slipped once, and he caught me.

It felt just like the days of the bike and failed math homework.

“Whew.” Jacob jokes as we wander inside. “We should invest in an umbrella, too.”

“Can you even fit under an umbrella?”

He pauses. “Probably not. Better make it a beach canopy.”

“A whole tent, if we want to be sure.”

We wander by the pharmacy aisle, and I grab the cheapest hairbrush and deodorant that I can find. No need to break Jacob’s bank when he’s all but saved my life.

“Clothes, too.” Jacob tugs at the neck of his suit top. It’s what he was wearing when I ran into him outside the wedding: jeans, polished shoes, a collared top, and a black suit jacket. “This is itchier than I would like.”

I’ve never seen him look so distinguished.

“Itchy? Did you see all the lace on that dress?” I scoff. “I think Alice forgot that comfort is an aspect of a wardrobe to humans. “

“I touched the lace. It was pretty bad.”

Oh, right.

I had almost forgotten the feeling of Jacob’s fingers on the back of my neck, and the phantom warmth that they had left, tracing down my spine.

“Besides, someone has stolen my change of clothes.” He points to my ill-fitting outfit with a joking smirk.

This is the Jake that I remember.

The one that I loved.

“Well, I’m sorry.” I place my hands on my hips, eager to match his smile. “It’s not ideal for me, either.” I gesture to the pants that bunch over the tops of my white heels, and the shirt that nearly falls to my knees.

“Are my clothes not good enough for you, Miss Swan?” He jokes, leading me down the aisles, towards the clothes.

“Well, I’m having to pull the neckline back so I don’t flash the whole supermarket.” I yank the neck back for an example. “If only you hadn’t had that freak growth spurt…”

“Hey, it wasn’t exactly my idea.” Jacob argues, heading towards the men’s. “Go and get what you need. I’ll be over here.”

I nod, the smile lingering on my face as I walk towards the women’s.

I chose a cheap pair of loose jeans, and two tank tops, along with a jacket and a flannel. A pack of socks and underwear, and a comfortable bra. Lastly, a cheap pair of sneakers that will surely disintegrate before winter.

Oh, well.

I head back over the men’s, where I find Jacob intently examining the jean section. When he saw me, he waved me over the wall of pants. “Look at this!”

“What?” I ask, a crease of confusion forming between my eyebrows.

“Not a single size long enough for me.” He shakes his head with disappointment.

“Oh, no.” I elbow him playfully. “If only you had chosen a more reasonable height.”

“Not all of us can be short, Bells.” Jacob teases, patting my head.

“For the last time, five-foot-four is perfectly average.” I sniff, looking to the side.

“That’s what they all say.” He shrugs and moves away from the jean rack. “Are you all ready? If so, I hear some lunch meat calling my name.”

“Yeah.” I glance down at my arms, already full of various items of clothing. “Maybe we should have gotten a cart.”

Jacob scoffs. “Carts are for the weak.” With one fluid movement, he sweeps all of my items out of my arms and into his. He holds it all with one hand pressed to his suited chest.

“Show-off.”

“You know it.”

*******************

One quick trip to the food section later, we were on our way to the checkout. I couldn’t wait to get into the clothes of my own… maybe, if I had been smart, I would have asked Jacob to run by my house before getting out of town.

It’s not as if I hated wearing Jacob’s clothes, though. I kind of understood why Jessica and Angela made such a big deal out of wearing their boyfriend’s hoodies now.

And, I wasn’t exactly in a great state of mind. I had just run away from my own wedding… leaving Edward at the altar and everyone I loved inside, waiting for a bride that would never come.

I still don’t know if I regret it or not.

The cashier was a middle-aged woman who wore her glasses on a chair and had hair dyed a cotton-candy pink. She gave Jake and I a look that made me feel like she was reading the entire story of my life in one glance.

“Honeymoon?” She asks, swiping a bottle of orange juice.

…what?

I can’t help but flush with embarrassment. I, by all means, should be on my honeymoon by now, but with another.

Not Jacob.

It wasn’t supposed to be Jacob.

My friend catches my eye, looking slightly concerned. “Err…yes.”

Did he just say… yes…?

The woman smiles as she finishes bagging our food. “I’ve been there. Packed everything but what we needed, Herbert and I did. I had to make a trip to the market still in the dress that I had gotten married in!”

She laughs as she loads a cart for us “I wish you luck. And a happy marriage.”

It’s all that I can do to nod incoherently as Jacob grabs the cart and my arm, pulling me along with him.

It’s as we’re sprinting back to the Rabbit that I give him a look. “...Yes?”

“Sorry!” He says over the sound of rain. “I panicked! And, I mean, you still have your hair done, and you’re wearing heels… and I’m wearing a suit…” His voice gets higher as he fumbles to explain himself. “I couldn’t just say that I’d stolen you from your wedding…”

“You didn’t steal me, Jacob Black.” I remind him, my voice a bit harsher than I meant it to be. “I’d like to see you try that.”

“I…” His voice cuts off as I jump into the car, leaving him to load everything into the back.

It only takes him a minute to do so and then reload the cart, but it’s enough for me to panic.

Did I really leave Edward at the altar for another man?

Not just another man… Jacob?

I hadn’t quite realized what this would look like to everyone else. Not me running to my best friend, but me running to an affair.

I wasn’t a cheater!

I rub my eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay.

I can’t do this.

Jacob, wet from the rain, jumps into the car and slams the door.

“Bella, I’m sorry, I just didn’t think…” He trails off as he notices me rubbing my eyes. “Please… I won’t do it again…”

“I’m not a cheater, Jacob!” I look at him, my eyes damp. “...am I?”

“No! No, you’re not.” He rushes to reassure me. “You just need time. I’m stupid, and I just didn’t think.”

“Are you sure?” I ask, my voice thick with emotion. “What will everyone else think? What will Edward think?”

Jacob hesitates before cupping my face with his hand. “Screw him. It’s your wedding, and you weren’t ready. He shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“B-but I wanted to! I want to marry him!” I sound like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Great.

“Shh, I know. Bella, please. It just wasn’t the right time.” Jake’s voice is soothing as he traces my cheekbone with his thumb. “I’ll take you back whenever you want. Do you want to go back?”

I hiccup. “N…no.”

“Okay, then.” His black eyes are intent on mine as he speaks. “We’ll find a nice town to hang out in while you figure things out. Far away from Forks and the Culllens.”

I nod blearily. “Oka-okay.”

He waits for a few seconds until my sobs subside to draw his hand away. “Let’s find a parking lot to stay in. I don’t know if I have enough money to get us a hotel room every night.”

“Okay.”

Jacob stays for a moment, giving me a wary look, before he starts the Rabbit and whirls out of the lot.

I press my burning face against the cool glass of the window, watching as the city goes by.

He drives for about an hour, and as the buildings around us start to fade, he pulls over in an empty lot in the middle of a grouping of trees. “No one should bother us here.”

I should have felt unsafe to be here. It was the number-one rule in the women’s self-defense class that Renee made me take with her.

Never stay in a place that homeless and rowdy men could be.

But, I'm with Jacob. I don’t know what a rowdy homeless man could do against a wolf built for killing the deadliest creature in the world.

The sun has started to set behind the horizon. With the last few rays of light, I change out of the white heels, pulling socks and the cheap tennis shoes on.

I leave Jacob’s clothes on, though.

I only feel a bit guilty about it when he has to change into one of the t-shirts that he bought, but I need this.

I feel warmer than I have in days, and I’m not eager to give that up.

Chapter Text

When I look up, Edward’s face is broken, a perfect mess, a fractured Michaelangelo statue.

“How, Bella? How could you do this to me?”

“I- I’m sorry.” I gasp, fighting for breath. “I- I didn’t mean to! I just… just…”

“Just what, Bella? What? What did I ever do to you to deserve this?” He gestures to his perfect body. It’s breaking, shattering into a million pieces.

Blood that shouldn’t be there glistens in the cracks.

“You’ve hurt me. I can’t live without you.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve been selfish…” I try to dry my eyes, but the tears just keep falling. They’re red, a deep red that looks like all of my worst nightmares.

“Then give me what I need.” Edward’s insistent tone draws me in. “The one thing you’re good for.”

“Anything for you, my love.” I offer my lips to him, but that’s not what he takes.

My screams echo as my fiance lifts my arm to his mouth and begins to drink.

*****************

“Bella.”

“No…no..” I try to rip away from his arms, my vision hazy. I cannot be killed by the one who vowed to protect me…

“Bella, it’s not him. It’s me.”

“...him?” My eyes gradually adjust to the darkness, and I can see again.

“It’s alright.”

My chest is encircled by Jacob’s strong, warm grip, and I sink into his arms. “Jake…”

“It’s okay, honey. Take all the time you need.”

It’s dark outside of the Rabbit. Morning hasn’t even touched the dirty lot that we’re parked in.

Jacob had been kind enough to tell me that I could have the backseat, but I refused. He was much longer than I was, and I was perfectly fine in the reclined passenger seat.

Now, I’m in the backseat, all but on top of him.

I panic and try to shove myself away from his warm body, my thoughts circling like a flock of scattered birds.

I can’t…

“I’m so sorry! I hadn’t even realized…” I try to get off of him, but he holds me tight.

“It’s alright.” Jacob’s voice is comforting and deep. “You somehow fell out of the passenger seat. I guess that it wasn’t big enough, after all.”

We’re very, very close.

I can’t do this.

I can’t cheat on Edward this way… not after I swore that I wouldn’t.

“Jacob…”

“What?” His breath is right on the back of my neck.

I can’t do this.

“Was it about him?”

“What?” I try to glance back over my shoulder, to see his face, but it’s too dark.

“Your nightmare. You kept saying his name.”

“Oh.” Time seems to slow down, and I can count every single beat of my heart. “Yes.”

Jacob’s silent for a moment. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, I guess.” I try to fix my eyes on the console of the Rabbit, and not on his arms, which still encircle my waist.

“Why would you be with someone who gives you nightmares instead of dreams?”

*******************

The sun is warm on my face as I slowly sit up and stretch. The events from last night seem like nothing more than a fever dream… something that never actually happened.

The only thing that makes me realize that it’s real is the lingering feeling of Jacob’s arms around me.

Being held by him was nothing like being held by Edward.

Jacob’s gone when I turn around. It makes me panic for a moment, before I see his tall form outside.

I sit up and open the passenger door. He turns his head towards the noise, and his face immediately relaxes.

“Hi.”

“Good morning.” Jake dips his head in a greeting. “Your clothes are in the back. I can’t imagine that my old sweats are that comfortable.”

They really were, but there was no way that I was willing to admit that.

While he looked away, I pulled on the jeans and one of the tank tops, covering it with the flannel. It was cold out this morning, and everything was wet from the rain last night.

When I walk back up to him, he looks worried.

What is it?” I ask, sweeping my absolute disaster of a hairstyle back over my shoulder. Apparently, Alice’s work isn’t nightmare-proof.

“I phased this morning. To check in with the pack.” Jacob winces. “Leah had a few choice words.”

“Oh.”

Of course Leah would hate me for this. What I’d done to Edward was very similar to what Sam had done to her.

“Seth said that it took about five minutes for Alice to go back and check on you. By that point, Charlie had nearly gone delirious with worry… the only thing that he had seen was you driving away with me.”

A cold shock shoots down my spine.

“The Cullens were in a complete panic. They told the guests that something had come up, but they were welcome to stay and eat the catered food. It couldn’t be returned, after all.” He studies my face with an odd expression upon his. “Do… do you not want to know?”

“No. It’s fine.” I needed to know. I needed to know all of the damage that I had caused.

“They immediately went to the pack. Sam was furious. But Charlie was adamant that they shouldn’t go after you… that you would probably come back in a few days.”

Of course Charlie wouldn’t want anyone to go after me. He was probably worried sick, having no idea that Jacob had a way to communicate with the rest of his friends in La Push.

And, he had never liked Edward. This was probably a dream come true to him.

I knew that I would go back to Edward someday. After I had had some time to myself.

“They talked the Cullens down from immediately going after you.” Jacob’s eyes darken with an emotion that I can’t name. “The leeches are apparently under the impression that I’ve stolen you, and that you’re in tremendous danger.”

“Please don’t call them that.”

He glances back down at me, his gaze softening immediately. “Sorry, Bells. I can’t help it. The way that they talked about you… like you were a lost cat. That you were property.”

I can’t help but shiver at that. I had always known that Edward was possessive, but this was an all-time low. I had talked with him a time or two about talking like I was lost property, not a human adult.

“Did you tell them that I was alright?”

“Yes, of course. Not that they deserve to know anything.” Jacob shakes slightly, like he’s about to shift.

I place my hand on his forearm, and he relaxes almost instantly. “Thank you, Jacob.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I wouldn’t doubt it if that mind-reader came after us, even if Doctor Fang tells him not to.”

Edward.

I couldn’t deal with Edward right now.

“I meant about telling everyone that I was alright. I’m sure that they’re worried.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course.” Jacob turns back towards the Rabbit. “Should we hit the road?”

“Yeah. I’ll get some breakfast out of the back.”

“I already ate.” Jake tells me as he heads over to the driver’s side, keeping an eye on me as I root through the open trunk.

“Alright.” I quickly throw together a cheese and english muffin sandwich, and grab the bottle of orange juice. There’s only a quarter of it left, so I guess I’ll finish it on the ride there.

When I hop into the Rabbit, Jacob starts the engine almost immediately. He speeds out of the lot and cuts into the road, pushing the gas pedal near to the floor.

“Jacob? Are you speeding?” I ask warily, my mouth half-full of english muffin.

“Only a little.” His hands are firmly clamped on the steering wheel, and his jaw is set in a way that makes me worried that he’ll crack a tooth.

“Slow down.”

He does, but only slightly.

“Jacob.”

Jake sighs and lessens his speed. “I want as far away from the Cullens as I can.”

“Well, you’re not going to get very far if you’re burning in a ditch.”

“Are you doubting my driving abilities?”

“Yes.” I lift my chin, polishing off the last bit of my muffin. “I love you, Jake, and I’d prefer if you didn’t die.”

He freezes before I completely realize what I’ve said.

“Wait… that’s- that’s not what I meant.” I try weakly.

“I know.” I could swear that his eyes are glassy as he looks out the driver’s side window. “I know.”

*****************

We don’t stop for lunch.

Jacob drives all day, until we near the edge of Washington as the sun sets.

He pulls over, parking on the edge of a gas station. The blinking sign in front of it reads 24 HOURS, 7 DAYS.

“We’ll stay here for the night.”

I nod, unbuckling my seat belt, eager to stretch my legs.

“Wait.”

Something in Jacob’s tone makes me freeze, as his hand goes across my waist. But, he’s not looking at me, he’s looking at two motorcycles who have pulled up next to us.

One of them had been staring through the glass, at me, and Jacob stares right back, until he averts his gaze.

“Wait for me, Bells. This is kind of sketchy.”

I nod, swallowing hard. As much as I wish to be independent, I still have the common sense to know that almost any man could overpower my short and soft frame.

I have never been more grateful to have Jacob beside me.

He unbuckles his seat belt, making his way over to my side of the vehicle faster that I would have thought possible.

Jake opens the door for me, and I all but spill out, groaning at how good the stretch feels. I raise my hands to the sky and pop my back, and readjust my jeans, which had become twisted during the drive.

Despite the oddly sketchy gas station, this is a very pretty place. Trees stretch high into the clouds, and the grass is greener than I’ve ever seen it.

That’s saying something, having lived in Forks for the past year.

“We should have a picnic over there.” I point to a spot in between the trees, where a small, weathered picnic table sits. “And watch the sunset.”

Jacob shrugs. “Alright. Sounds good to me.” He glances towards the gas station, and back at the parking lot. There’s nobody else out here, just a bunch of empty cars. “Will you be alright for a moment? I have to use the bathroom.”

I nod. “I’ll get everything together. Are you feeling like five or seven sandwiches?”

He rubs his taut stomach with a groan. “Definitely seven. Gotta make up for lunch.”

I can’t help but laugh at him and his inhuman appetite. “Okay. I’ll be right out here.”

Jake nods, and then he’s gone, leaving nothing but the swinging door behind him.

I smile and head over to the back end of the Rabbit, opening it. I’m starting to think that we should have bought more bread.

I quickly make one sandwich for me, a simple peanut butter and honey, and several turkey and cheese for Jacob.

I’m not even halfway through the third one when the hair on the back of my neck stands straight up.

I’ve spent enough time around predators this last year to know when I’m being watched.

When I look up, the man who was staring at me earlier gives me a creepy grin, before reaching for the sandwich I’m making.

“Thanks, sugar, I was getting hungry.”

I shake my head, unable to say anything.

His greasy blonde hair is slicked into a ponytail, and he’s missing at least three teeth. Tattoos cover every visible inch of his body.

If there ever was a man that I was warned to stay away from, this would be him.

“Oh, don’t play like that.” He laughs, ripping the bread out of my hands and taking a bite. “This is nice. Good cook, girl.”

My hands are shaking.

Jacob, where are you?

“Get away from me.” I say, my voice low.

“I don’t think I will.” The man tilts his head, and there’s predatory gleam in his beady eyes. “Where’s your protector this time? Running off to buy beer, isn’t he?”

“He’ll be out soon.”

“Or will he?”

He needed to be.

“I… Uh.”

What was it that my mother’s self-defense instructor said?

Act crazy?

I laugh. The man’s brow creases in confusion.

It gives me just enough time to slam the trunk on his fingers, and run while he screams.

Jacob bursts out of the doors just as I run inside, and I collide with him.

“Bella? Bella?” He asks over and over again, his hands shaking as he looks me over. “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah. I’m fine.” I point to the man, who’s just managed to get his fingers free.

Jake’s eyes darken dangerously.

“Don’t shift.” I whisper against his shirt. I can feel his body shaking under my touch. “He’s not worth it.”

He’s not worth it.

Chapter Text

Jacob places his hand on my shoulder as the man stumbles over himself, holding his hand against his chest as he hops back to his motorcycle.

“We’re not staying here tonight.” He whispers to me, his eyes trained on the man as he starts his bike and hits the gas.

“Agreed.” I step forward and reopen the trunk, grabbing the two sandwiches that I’d already made. I’ll let Jacob have both of them; I’m not that hungry.

My friend stays right by my side as I fumble through the back, and only leaves as soon as I’m safely in the cab.

When he gets in, he throws his forehead against the steering wheel, and I wince as the horn blares.

“Jacob, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not.” He complains bitterly, refusing to meet my eyes. “No wonder why Cullen was so convinced that I couldn’t keep you safe.”

“I managed fine by myself.” I point out, setting the sandwiches on the dash.

“You shouldn’t have to. Damn it, I’m a werewolf, Bells. I should be able to protect you from mere humans.”

“Jacob. You did. It’s fine.” I cast a wary glance out the window, where the biker’s friend has returned and is looking about in confusion. “Can we go? It’s getting dark, and we need to find another place to stay.”

With what seems to be significant effort, he lifts his head off of the wheel and starts the engine, peeling out of the parking lot with more speed than necessary.

I stare at him with concern. He’s acting just like Edward that time when I was surrounded in Port Angeles… and I hate it.

“Jake. Calm down. I’m absolutely fine.”

“I’m trying.” His voice cracks slightly, and his eyes are focused intently on the road.

“You’re acting like Edward, for goodness sakes.” I regret the words as soon as they pass from my lips, but it’s the only thing that I can think of that will work.

“Don’t compare me to him.” Jacob all but snarls, whipping the Rabbit in a dramatic turn that leaves me scrambling for the sandwiches on the dash.

“Well, snap out of it, then!” I order him. “You know that I’m capable of taking care of myself, Jacob. It’s what I like about you.”

His jaw tenses.

“Please.” My final word is soft, barely more than a whisper.

Jacob’s hand shakes against the steering wheel as we roll down a gravel road. “Okay.”

“Are you alright now?”

He nods, his hair hiding his eyes from me. “Yes.”

“Good.” I sit back, holding the turkey sandwich out to him. “I don’t know what I’d do with a moody, self-righteous werewolf.”

My friend takes the offering, eating it in two bites. When I try to hand him the second one, he shakes his head. “You need to eat, too, Bella.”

“I’m not hungry. I haven’t done anything today, after all.”

“Still.”

I roll my eyes, ripping the bread in half. “Here. I’ll eat this. It’s plenty for me.”

Jacob looks like he wants to argue with me, but his stomach growls loudly, settling the debate.

******************

We put in quite a few more miles, crossing into Idaho by the time Jacob decides that we’ve gone far enough from the threat. He pulls over at a trailhead surrounded by evergreens, in a spot clearly meant for tent camping.

As if he’s already registered my worry, he shakes his head. “No one’s here yet, and if they were, they can stay in the next empty spot. We’re not taking anything, Bells.”

“Alright.” I say with a slight frown.

Jacob shifts in his seat as he stares out the window. “Want to eat out there instead?”

He points to a small grass patch beside the trees. It looks like it’s covered in pink wildflowers that grow in bunches, all along the bases of the evergreens.

“Sure. I’ll get the rest of the sandwich stuff.”

It must be well past nine. Too late to eat in my opinion, but Jacob has the capability to put a twenty four hour buffet out of business.

There’s no one else in sight, not even another vehicle rushing past the gravel road. I wonder how Jake found such a good spot, when I don’t think he’s ever been down here before.

Well, he might have.

I can’t help but wince at the memory.

Sam had told me that Jacob was almost out of reach of the pack mind, far, far away from Forks… and me.

I can realize the irony of it, that the one person I hurt the most is the only one that I can truly count on. I don’t deserve Jacob in the slightest, and I wish that there was another way, that I would never hurt him the way that I had.

Maybe he would find his imprint, like the others. Then, he would be able to live without ever thinking of Edward and I.

Somehow, that still doesn’t feel right to me. I know that I don’t have any sort of claim on Jacob, but him with anyone else just feels… wrong.

I loved him, but he wasn’t as irresistible as Edward. I had known him for years, and he just hadn’t had the same effect as the auburn-haired Cullen.

I wonder how it would have been different if I had chosen him instead. If I had been able to resist Edward’s inhuman charm… would we still be here? Would we still be taking this trip, just under very different circumstances?

I finish the sandwiches and carry the stack to Jacob, who’s been busy spreading a blanket that I didn’t know that he had on the grass.

His eyes light up at the sight of the food, and I can’t help but laugh.

“I don’t know how Emily doesn’t go broke, trying to feed you all.” I tease him, handing him the stack.

“I don’t know either.” Jacob’s eyes are fixed on the pile in a way that makes me think that I should leave him and the bread alone for a moment. “But I’m glad that Sam imprinted on someone who was a good cook.”

I sit beside him, noting how he’s almost all the way off of the blanket, as far from me as he can get.

I wish he was closer. There’s a chill in the air that refuses to leave.

“You don’t have to sit on the grass, Jake.” I tell him with a smile. “I don’t bite.”

He hesitates, his mouth full of food, before scooting closer to me.

There’s the warmth that I had missed.

I can’t stop myself from leaning my head on his shoulder.

I can feel him freeze, and I laugh quietly. “Keep eating. I’m just cold.”

The sounds of chewing resume, and I stare up at the cloudless sky, where there are stars that I haven’t seen in ages.

I love Forks, but I had always dreamed of seeing places warmer. I had also always loved Phoenix, but I had always wanted somewhere with more scenery.

The dream had been all but buried when I came to know of what Edward was. There was no way that he could ever go somewhere sunny with me, and I wouldn’t dream of going anywhere without him.

Now, the dream has begun to take form again. I could go anywhere with Jacob… providing that we could find a way to sustain ourselves.

“Do you have a plan?” I ask him. He’s been silent ever since he stopped eating, and I assume that he’s been looking at the same stars I have been.

“Plan?” Jacob asks, confusion thick in his voice. “For what?”

“For… this.” I gesture to everything around us. “Us. This escape.”

“Oh.” I can feel the movement of his shoulders as he shrugs, and I have to readjust myself so I don’t slide backwards. “I don’t exactly know.”

I sigh. “Neither do I.”

There’s another beat of silence as both of us think.

“We should just find a town and stay in it.” Jacob decides. I can hear his low voice echoing through my bones as I’m pressed against him. “I can find work as a mechanic, I think.”

“A small town. With lots of sun.” I add. I had always loved how small Forks was, and I loved the sun of Phoenix, so why not combine the two?

“Sure. I bet that there’s lots of farmers or small shops that would be willing to hire a kid.”

“I can work in a bookstore or something, A cafe.”

My brain begins to swim with all of the possibilities that I never considered, of my life after high school.

Because I wasn’t supposed to be alive right now. I was supposed to be undead by this point, and I would wake up to Edward’s lovely voice, telling me to look at myself in the mirror.

Somehow, I don’t know if that’s what I want anymore.

It’s ironic, how much I’ve chased after immortality this last year. Only to have it in my grasp and decide to throw it away for something else.

Bella Swan, forever incapable of making decisions that mean something.

“That sounds perfect.” Jacob’s voice is soft, and I could swear that he’s holding back tears. “But, I can take you back whenever you want.”

I don’t know if I want to go back.

The thought is startling to me.

I’ve wanted nothing more than Edward this last year, and I would have thrown away almost anything to be with him every waking second of the day.

Only now, that our marriage had come so close to happening, I felt different about it.

Incapable of making decisions indeed.

“It’ll be a while.” I can’t believe that it’s my own voice that tells him this. “What’s really the difference from eighteen to nineteen? Or nineteen to twenty?”

“He’s going to come looking for you, you know.”

That’s a thought that I’ve tried to not think about during the last few days of driving. Unfortunately, there’s only so many trees that one can distract oneself with.

‘I know.”

Those words seem to cast a heavy aura over our small, perfect patch of grass and blanket.

I don’t want to think about it.

I just want to stay here for a while, staring at the stars while Jacob breathes next to me, huddled in a blanket outside, far away from any and all responsibilities that could come our way.

“Jake?”

“Hmm?”

“Can we stay out here tonight? You know, sleep under the stars?”

He nods, the movement causing me to slide away from him. Before I can do such a thing, Jacob’s arm wraps around me, holding me tight to him.

“That sounds perfect.”

I could get used to this.

If there was a lifetime that I didn’t have to worry about food, money, shelter, or Edward and the rest of the Cullen family, I would gladly spend it right beside my best friend, under a sky of stars that seems so full of opportunities.

Chapter Text

When I wake up the next morning, Jacob’s hair is itching the back of my neck.

I swat at my shoulders, trying to move it, when he moves, making a sleepy noise of protest.

That’s when I notice that his arms are wrapped firmly around my waist, and his face is buried in the back of my neck.

Oh.

Blinking the sleep from my eyes, I try to look around without moving my head and waking him. The sun has barely begun to rise, and the grass glistens with condensation, giving the morning air a lingering chill.

Jacob groans sleepily, and I can feel him move away.

I hate myself for wishing that he wouldn’t.

“Morning, Bells.” He greets me, his voice crackly and his hair mused.

“Morning.” My voice cracks on the last syllable, and I look away, my face burning.

“What time is it?” Jacob fumbles for his watch, tossing his side of the blanket onto my lap. “Oh. We should get going if we want to make a good distance today.”

I nod, pulling the blanket tight around my shoulders.

Do I really miss Edward that much? Enough that Jacob’s touch, Jacob, the one I sent away, makes me feel the same butterflies that Edward once had?

I must just miss him. Maybe I should ask Jake to take me back to Forks.

Yet’, my eyes can’t seem to look away as my friend stretches, and the damp fabric of his white t-shirt sticks to every wolf-given muscle on his body.

Jeez. Get a grip.

I settle for running my hand through the wet grass and pressing it against my forehead, trying to cool my burning skin down.

“What do you want for breakfast?” He asks, casting me a glance over his shoulder as he pushes himself to a standing position.

“A granola bar or something. I’m not that hungry.” I take Jacob’s offered hand, and let him pull me to my feet.

He nods, taking the wet blanket from my shoulders. “I’ll put this in the back. Hopefully it’ll dry out before we need it again.”

As Jacob prepares his own breakfast, I stand in the sun, trying to dry my damp jeans and flannel. If I had spare clothes, I would change, but I don’t.

We’ll have to find a Laundromat or something along the way, and just look extremely silly standing there in our wedding wear while our other clothes get washed.

I reject the idea almost immediately. I refuse to wear that ridiculous dress ever again, even when I go back to Edward. Alice will be able to deal with a more comfortable option that doesn’t have near the amount of gems and lace.

“Ready?” Jacob asks, and I nod, making my way over to the passenger’s side.

Time for another day of driving and debates with my own conscience.

***************

“Jacob, you can’t enter an impromptu car show. That’s almost all of our food money for the next few weeks!”

“But it’ll be cool! The Rabbit can totally win.”

“Absolutely not.”

****************

“Bella, you need to move.”

“No.”

“I can carry you, if you’d prefer.”

“No. Jake, get away from me.”

“It’s for your own good!”

*****************

“Jacob?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we stay here forever?”

“If you want to, I’ll make it happen.”

*****************

Almost a full two weeks later, we’ve crossed the border into Kansas.

Halfway across the U.S. with my best friend, and I haven’t been as happy since I first touched my foot to the pedal of that bike.

I can’t wait to wake up every morning, to look at Jacob’s smiling face, and take whatever the day throws at me, as long as he’s by my side.

I didn’t realize that life could feel so much like living.

“We should pull over and find a place to get gas.” Jacob tells me, tapping the steering wheel anxiously. “We’re running low.”

“Alright.” I cast a glance out the window, to survey whatever town we’ve ended up in this time.

I decided to not use a map to find our way to wherever we were going. I had no specific destination in mind, and Jacob was happy to take me wherever my heart desired.

So, we wandered across the Western half of the United States with no plan, no map, and not a care in the world.

Well, except finding gas.

Outside my window, it looks like an endless field of golden grass bordered with green trees. The sun shines bright, with few clouds in the sky.

We’re approaching a town. I can’t exactly tell how large it is from back here, but it looks about the same size as Forks, maybe even smaller. Although, that may just be how squished-together all of the buildings look.

Jacob pulls into a small gas station with only two pumps, parking the Rabbit in the second spot. “Do you need anything?”

“No.’ I shake my head, staring out the window. “I’m good. Thank you.”

He nods and sets to filling the car.

The sun is warm as I press my face against the window, closing my eyes.

As much as I want to wander across the world with Jacob forever, it’s just not sustainable. I already feel incredibly guilty about using up most of his money from the Harley, despite his protests that he wasn’t going to use it for anything else anyways.

We need to find somewhere to stay for a while, and formulate a plan to how we’re going to live out here.

If only I had had any foresight at all to grab any important documents that I’d need to get a job. Like my birth certificate and driver’s license.

Unfortunately, I’ve never had much sense when it comes to matters with Edward.

We traveled out of Jacob’s mental range long ago, but the last update that we had regarding the Cullens was that they were barely being held back from coming after Jacob and I. Well, Edward and Alice were ready to follow us, but the rest just wanted to give me time to think.

I hope he doesn’t find me out here.

It seems like not long ago that I would do anything to see Edward’s face, yet now I find myself doing anything to make sure that he doesn’t creep into any corner of my mind.

Ironic.

Jacob taps on the window, and I jump.

He laughs and motions for me to roll it down. When I do, he leans over, all but kneeling next to the car to keep his face at the same level that mine is.

“There’s a boy having car trouble.” He points to a small car pulled up at the front of the station. “I’m going to try to help him. You should get out, it may be a while.”

“Sure.” I unbuckle my seatbelt in a hurry while Jake jumps into the driver’s seat and pulls the Rabbit up next to the car.

The driver, a boy who can’t be more than sixteen, sits on the curb, his arms wrapped around his folded legs. He smiles weakly at Jacob as he hops out to take a look.

I miss the first part of their conversation as I roll the window back up and get out, but I get the jist of it from the boy’s weak expressions.

“It’s nothing much.” I catch the end of Jacob’s sentence as he looks under the hood, fiddling with something.

“My dad is gonna be so pissed.” The boy complains, crossing his arms across his scrawny chest. “He told me that I needed to take a car class with him just in case this happened.”

“That might be smart.” Jake’s voice is muffled by the hood. “I’ve worked with this kind before. One of my friends had one, and it broke down just about every week. The company put out a recall for this transmission, but some of them never got sent back in.”

“The transmission?” The boy winces. Apparently, that’s not good. “I don’t have a couple thousand to drop on that!”

“It’s fine. You should be able to make it another year or two before it completely conks out.” Jacobs taps on the hood as he backs out.

“Thanks.” The boy shoves his hands in his pockets. “My name’s Liam, by the way.”

“Jacob.” My friend extends his hand for Liam to shake. “And that’s Bella.”

“Are you a mechanic?” Liam asks, taking his hand gratefully and smiling at me. “Do you work somewhere in town? I’ve never seen you before.”

“Nope. I don’t work anywhere. And we just got here.”

“Cool.” The boy looks between Jake and I, and his expression brightens, as though a brilliant thought has struck him. “Are you staying in town?”

“Maybe. If she wants to.” Jacob looks over his shoulder at me with a smile.

“Well, my Pa has been looking for a mechanic and farmhand to help him over the summer.” Liam says, nodding towards his repaired car. “If you’re planning on staying… we’ve got a few cabins that we used to use when we employed farmhands year-round.”

I meet Jake’s eyes with a smile.

This could work.

“Sure. Can I meet your Pa?”

The boy nods aggressively. “Can you follow me back to my house?”

“Yeah.” Jacob waves me back over to the Rabbit. “See you soon, I guess.”

I hop in with a bigger smile than I’ve known in months. This could be the answer to everything! All of the problems that we were struggling with!

“Jacob!” I say with a laugh as he jumps in, closing the door.

“What?” He asks, startled. “I thought you said it was okay! It seems like a perfect solution to me-”

“It’s perfect!” I lean over the center console and throw my arms around him. “You’re a genius.”

His hand wind across my back with none of the hesitation that they’ve had in the last two weeks. “Thanks. I know.”

I draw back to give him a look, but I can’t contain the smile breaking across my face for long. “You are. You really are.”

He grins, and it reveals every single one of his white teeth.

This is the Jake that I had sorely missed for so long, after I chose Edward. The wild-haired, resourceful boy who shone like the sun and made me feel more alive than I had ever felt in my life.

Jacob draws back and starts the engine after Liam, following the small silver car into town.

The town is every bit as small as I initially thought it was. There are two mercantile stores on the main street, and a handful of small businesses, and only about ten other cars. The buildings expand outwards to reveal row after row of peaceful suburbs, some with intricately trimmed lawns, and others with kid’s toys scattered in the yard.

We pass two churches, only a block away from each other, and the buildings begin to fade away as Liam turns down a gravel road. They’re sparse now, with a few trees and homes scattered along the road, and campers filling in some of the empty spaces.

It looks like a sunnier version of Forks.

I could get used to this, even if it’s only for the summer. I sorely hope that Jacob is able to get a job with Liam’s dad, because that would eliminate two of our biggest issues: the need for a job and the inability to get one without the necessary documents.

“I’m twenty-one, okay?” Jacob’s voice draws me away from the window.

“What?”

“They’re not going to believe that I’m only sixteen. And, I’d be breaking Sam’s direct orders if I told them about the whole wolf thing, Plus, I think that that would be a huge dealbreaker to any possible employers.”

“Oh.” I suppose that that makes sense.

After all, I would have never believed that six-foot-seven Jacob is the same age as barely five-ten Liam.

“Then I get to be nineteen.”

“Bells, that’s barely a lie. You’ll be nineteen in only a few months.”

“So? If you get to lie, so do I.”

Jacob laughs softly. “You’re weird, honey.”

“And proud of it.”

Chapter Text

Liam’s father is a tall man that still seems short compared to Jacob, but he doesn’t shy away when he shakes Jake’s hand.

I hadn't noticed it for a long time, but it was almost like the wolves and the Cullens had the opposite sort of effect. The Cullens draw humans in, with their money and charming looks, while the wolves seem to unconsciously push people away.

It takes a very strong person to resist either sort of charm, I’d come to find out.

Both the boy and his father share fluffy blonde hair, although the latter’s is thinning at the crown and receding behind his ears.

“So, you’re looking for a job?” The man nods, as if he’s answering his own question. “Do you think that you can keep up with the workload and learn fast? Being a farmhand isn’t exactly easy work.”

“Yes, sir.” Jacob smiles. “I believe that I can keep up very well.”

“What are you looking for in pay?”

He glances over his shoulder, at me, and shrugs. “Your son told me that we could have a place to stay in the farmhand’s cabins. Food, a place to stay, and a hundred a week to keep gas in my car and a few nights in town would be perfect.”

Liam’s father considers Jacob’s wants, and nods. “That seems reasonable. I’ll give you a trial week, to see how you fit in at the farm, and if you do well during that, I’ll consider giving you a job for the rest of the summer.”

“Sounds great.”

They seal the deal with another handshake, and just like that, we have a place to stay and a steady source of income.

“Liam, can you give these two a tour of the property? I need to be back inside to help your mother with the young ones.” The man points to the ATV parked in front of the peeling barn. “Be back in an hour or so.”

The boy nods, beckoning us to follow him.

“It’s only a two seat, so you’ll have to squish. Sorry.” He apologizes, his voice fading as he enters the barn to grab the keys.

“That’s fine.” Jacob’s arm rests across my shoulders, and I lean into him. Despite the sun warming my face, his heat is greatly appreciated.

Liam glances between us with an expression I can’t decipher, and waves us along to the ATV.

It’s a small four-wheeled vehicle built vaguely like a jeep with a short front end and a singular cab. True to the boy’s word, there are only two seats, with the shift stick sitting between them.

I try to sit beside Jacob on the seat, but it’s really just not possible.

He laughs quietly and pulls me up on his lap.

I freeze, my heart pounding in my ears.

This-

“Is this okay, honey?” Jacob asks, his mouth right next to my ears. “I’m sure we can find something else if it isn’t.”

“It’s fine.” I manage to squeak out, leaning back so his breath doesn’t tickle my ear.

“Alright.” I can hear the smile in his voice as Liam starts the vehicle and backs it out from its spot beside the barn.

The property is beautiful. The house, from a distance, looks just like a picture in a painting that Renee would pay way too much for, with white paint and a wooden wrap-around porch, with baskets of flowers laying on the deck.

A small garden sits beside the house, with vines of various plants growing up the sides of the metal gates. It’s a stark contrast to the fields and fields of corn that grow to the side of the barn.

“I know, it’s really stereotypical of us to grow corn, but it’s what my great-grandfather and his father farmed. We changed their methods.” Liam informs us as he turns down the dirt road that leads to the trees that encompass one side of the farm. “There’s no reason to fix what isn’t broken.”

“Yeah.” Jacob agrees with a nod.

“Down here’s the creek. We have a pump in it that pulls the water that we need for the livestock, although the irrigation ditch gives us the water for our plants. My younger siblings come down here to catch frogs and salamanders.” He gestures to the stream, which can’t be more than six feet across and a foot deep.

“This is the forest. All the coons live here.” Liams gives Jacob a sharp look. “From here on out, them coons are your worst enemy.”

“Got it.”
I would take Jacob trash-talking forest creatures over dissing the vampires any day. I almost laugh thinking about it.

“Other than this, it’s pretty much all cornfields. Oh, and your house.” The boy turns a sharp U-turn that almost sends me flying out of the side of the vehicle, but Jacob’s arms wrap around my waist, pinning me in place.

“It’s a little beat-up, because we stopped employing year-round farmhands about ten years ago. Just seasonal ones. A lot of my friends will be coming over and working for a week or two at a time, but if they don’t leave your place alone, just tell Pa and he’ll get after them, alright?”

Both Jacob and I nod.

The farmhand’s house is small, no bigger than a trailer home. Probably a one bedroom, one bathroom situation.

Looks like one of us will be becoming very acquainted with the couch.

“I’ll bring you back to your car, if you want to take it down here and unload anything you have. Pa has the keys; I’ll get them from him when we get back.”

It’s a short drive back up to the house, and Liam is quick to get the keys.”

“Pa will show you everything you need to know tomorrow morning. We’re serving supper at six-thirty. If you’re late, don’t be surprised if you only get crumbs. My little brothers are pretty fierce.”

And, he’s gone again, leaving only a swinging screen door in his wake.

Jacob laughs as he jumps into the Rabbit.

I can’t help but laugh with him, at this, at everything.

“That boy is sure straight to the point.” He says, turning the key in the engine. “I don’t think that I’ve ever been given a quicker tour in my life.”

“Me neither.” I agree, thinking of Mike’s elaborate tour of Fork’s high school.

“This is so great.” Jake hums to himself as he drives the short distance to the farmhand’s house. “I… well, I never thought that I would see you… alive again.”

I shrug. “I hadn’t realized that life was worth living.”

“Did… did this make you change your mind?” He asks cautiously.

“About what? Being human?” I can’t help but sigh. “Yeah. I’d forgotten what it felt like to be normal. Well, as normal as a girl living with a werewolf can be.”

“Fair enough.” Jacob smiles. “I love spending time with you while you still smell good.”

I smack him on the shoulder as he shakes from laughter. “Jerk. You know, I wouldn’t be entirely too shocked if I found out that you guys were all making up this smell thing to mess with me.”

“Trust me. I’m not.” He wrinkles his nose. “Imagine a dirty dumpster filled with the most foul-smelling biohazard waste that you’ve ever smelled in your life. That’s what it’s like being near the Cullens. Honestly, I should get an award for being somewhat nice to some of them.”

“So brave.” I say mockingly, patting his upper arm. “So heroic.”

“Thanks, Bells. It’s nice to be appreciated.”

I roll my eyes as he laughs again.

There’s not much to bring into the house, just a bag of clothes for each of us, a few trinkets that we’ve collected over the last few weeks, and a half-sack of leftover food.

“Jacob.” I warn him as he throws his bag all over the couch. “Those better be destined for a dresser.”

He groans as he regathers them. “Women.”

“Oh, hush.” I head to the bedroom and begin to hang the few shirts I have on the hangers that I found there. My underwear and pants are a small enough collection that I’m able to fit it all into one top drawer.

Jacob joins me, but he doesn’t even bother to fold the sweatpants that he isn’t wearing, tossing them into a drawer without a care in the world.

Goodness. Even Charlie was better at keeping his things organized than this.

The bed in the main bedroom is small, only half a size above a twin bed.

When Jacob sees it, he sighs. “It’s gonna be a tight fit.”

“For one of us, it’s not.” I tell him, reordering the few trinkets that we had along the top of the dresser. “You can take it. You probably won’t fit on the couch, anyways.”

There’s a beat of silence, as if Jacob is carefully deliberating his reply.

“I… kind of just assumed that we would share.” His words leave in a rush. “That’s what we have been doing for the last few weeks, and…”

“Oh.”

I hadn’t even thought of that.

It seemed better when we were just under a ceiling of stars, lying on the grass beside each other. There was no way that I could excuse wanting to be close to Jacob when we were in bed together.

It was times like this that the ring on my left hand throbbed painfully, reminding me of Edward.

I couldn’t cheat on him like that.

Could I?

Was it considering cheating, since Jacob and I were nothing more than friends? Sleeping beside him had helped to chase away my nightmares these last few weeks.

“Right.” I clear my throat and go back to reordering our things.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just figured that it would be more comfortable for both of us.” He laughs softly. “There’s no way that I would take the bed while you were on the couch, Bells. I may be half wolf, but I’m not an absolute heathen.”

“It’s fine.” My words feel rushed as my face flushes. I’m very, very glad that Jake can only see my back.

“Are you sure?” I can hear him settle on the bed. “Your heart is beating awful fast for being ‘fine’ with it.”

“It’s okay.”

Damn those wolf senses.

“Bella.” I turn around, trying to keep my face hidden behind a curtain of hair.

“Come here.”

I make my way over to my friend on shaky legs, all but collapsing until he sweeps me up in his arms.

“This feels comfortable, right?” Jacob murmurs, his voice soft against my hair.

I nod, my heart slowing from racing to just fast.

“Exactly.” His hands tighten around my waist and upper arm. “It doesn’t have to be anything that you don’t want it to be.”

We sit there for a few minutes of silence, and the sound of his breathing comforts me, just as it has these last few nights.

“I told you that I wouldn’t tear you in half anymore. I meant it.” He sweeps the hair out of my face, so I can see the serene look in his eyes. “If you don’t want me to be that for you, I won't be. I’ll just be a friend, the same thing that I have been and always will be, until the day that you take your last breath.”

I nod.

“However, it makes me nervous to have you in another room.” He admits. “I hate this part of me, but it’s just like Cullen. I know that he would want me to make sure that you were in absolutely no danger during this whole escapade, and this is the best way to make that happen.”

“But if I want to sleep on the couch?” I venture. I know what Edward’s answer would be, that he would stay with me or sit beside me the whole night, even though I had admitted to him that his watching me sleep was a bit creepy.

Jacob sighs. “I wouldn’t like it, but it doesn’t matter what I like. It’s your sleep, not mine.”

“Well, I happen to sleep better when I’m beside you, too.” I confess. “I hate being cold.”

My friend laughs, and the sound makes me smile. “So, I’m just here for space heater privileges?”

“Absolutely.”

His head rests on mine, and I can hear the lingering laugh in the back of his throat. “Well, I guess that I know my place, then. Right by you.”

Chapter Text

We arrived at the main house at six twenty-five, heeding Liam’s warning that there wouldn’t be much of anything left if we were late.

I knock on the door, and step aside as a thud resounds from the other side.

As I step back in alarm, almost backing up into Jacob, it opens, revealing two squirming children fighting to be the first ones to the door.

“Stop!” A little boy with the same fluffy blonde hair as Liam and his father have reaches for the door, trying to pull himself away from the redheaded girl that sits on his shoulders. “Mom! Allie’s on my head!”

Jacob and I share a glance, and there’s a hint of a smile on his face.

LIam rushes to separate the two, throwing them apart with ease. Apparently, he’s much stronger than he looks, based on how hard the two kids fight. “Allie, get off of Logan.”

“He started it!”

“I believe you. Go help mom with the biscuits.”

The girl jumps to her feet, leaving the boy coughing for breath as Liam pulls him to his feet.

“Hey.” He greets us breathlessly. “Welcome to the Miller household. Mom’s getting the rest of the food out now, if you wanna come in and meet all of the kids. But, just a warning, none of them have any filter and Allie thinks that the only way to settle an argument is with her fists.”

I, as the only child of two only children, had never had any experience with any relatives my own age. I could only imagine what having a sibling was like by watching my friends interact with theirs, while telling me that I was lucky.

I suppose that in a way I was. I loved peace and quiet, and this house was loud and full of chaos.

Jacob gently pushes me forward, his hand on my lower back guiding me through the doorway.

Inside, there are shoes scattered all across the entryway and throughout the mudroom. All shapes and sizes, ranging from a massive black boot to a tiny pink sneaker. The smell of fresh-baked sugar wafts through the house, which is decorated just like any cozy midwestern house should be.

Ceramic barn animals line the top shelves, all of them noticeably out of reach by anyone under the age of nine. A sign imprinted with the words LIve Laugh Love, with a small Bible verse below it, stands proud on the wall.

Toys are scattered all along the floor, and little socks cover the couch, but it all seems like it belongs. Like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, that this house would be decorated in a way that seems like a mess to everyone outside of it.

A teenage girl with black clothes lounges on the couch, staring at a small Ipod with a purple case, the earbuds jammed far enough into her ears to block out any sort of noise.

She ignores us, rolling her eyes as Logan rushes in, a babbling toddler on his heels, dressed in a pink tutu and a t-shirt of all the disney princesses.

“Mom says that you can go and sit down! She’ll have all the food out real quick!”

“Thanks.” Jacob tells the little boy, who looks thrilled to have been given any sort of attention.

“Pa said that you could sit next to me.” Logan states, looking up at Jacob and I with the same face that Seth used to give to Jake. “I wanna tell you all about my trucks.”

“Of course.” My friend agrees with a smile. “Anna! Come on!”

I try to suppress a laugh as the little boy jumps the girl on the couch, yanking on the sleeves of her shirt.

“Ugh! Get off!” She complains, easily pinning her brother down with one hand.

“It’s time to eat!”

I follow Jacob to the dining room, where the kid’s mother has just finished setting a tray of biscuits on the table. Allie’s eyes peek over the edge of the table, and her mother swats her creeping hand away from the plate.

Her eyes light up when she sees us. “Hello! You must be Jacob and Bella, right?”

“Yeah.” I greet her with a small wave. “Is there anything that I can help with?”

“No, of course not!” She winks, pinning Allie’s hand away from the food, despite the little girl’s protests. “You have to be here for at least a week before I put you to work.”

I laugh awkwardly. “Alright.”

Mr. Miller comes in through the door, stomping his muddy boots on the mat, as Mrs. Miller waves us over to the table.

Logan and Allie fight to see who gets to sit next to us, only to have Liam pull them apart and sit between them, smacking their hands whenever they reach for each other. Anna, the girl on the couch, slumps in her seat, still spying on the Ipod below the table, and the toddler is helped into a kiddie seat.

Jacob sits beside Mr. Miller, and I take the seat beside him, much to Logan’s protests about how he needs to talk about his trucks.

“You can talk trucks later, dear.” His mother reassures him, folding a napkin over the front of his shirt.

As Mr Miller waves his hands, the whole table falls silent.

With a jolt of surprise and horror, I see that everyone in the family has joined hands and bowed their heads. Jacob shrugs and grabs my hand, and I rest my other on the table beside the happily chirping toddler in the pink tutu.

“Dear Heavenly Father, we bless this food to our bodies, and let our bodies draw use,” Mr Miller starts.

I’ve never prayed before dinner before, aside from one time that Renee went on a huge spiritual kick before having it scared out of her by attending a Catholic Mass. Charlie’s parents were religious, but he didn’t pass it down to me.

“Keep watch over Jacob and Bella as they help us on the farm, and help everyone in town for the festival travel safely. In your name we pray, Amen.”

It’s short, and then the whole table is thrown into a calm sort of chaos as the food passes around.

It takes me a moment to realize that my hand is still twined around Jacob’s, and he laughs a little when I pull it away as if I’ve been burned.

“I’m not that hot, Bells.”

I make sure to snag one of the biscuits that had everyone ready for a fight to the death, and a healthy serving of casserole with peas and carrots scattered among white, cheesy noodles. Green beans with bacon chunks are a vegetable that I’m sure even Charlie would eat, I think as the pan goes around.

By the time everyone has their food, I’m worried that I won’t be able to finish the massive heap in front of me. Good thing I have Jacob, the human garbage disposal beside me.

“So, what are you in town for?”

It takes me a moment to realize that Mrs. Miller is talking to Jacob and I, and I swallow in a hurry.

“We’re just wandering around.” Jake answers, clearly not having the same worry of talking with his mouth open.

He may be pretending to be twenty-one, but there are parts of him that are still very clearly sixteen.

“We drove through and found Liam at a gas station. Wandering isn’t the most sustainable way of life, so we’re glad we found you.” I fill in.

“That’s great.” Mrs. Miller smiles, spooning a portion of casserole into the toddler’s mouth. “Terri, sweetie, you have to eat.”

“No!” Terri cries with delight, slamming her tiny baby fist into her plate.

“Mom, can I eat in my room?” Anna asks, her voice low.

“No, we eat together.” Her mother struggles as Terri laughs with glee and smears green beans along her face.

The girl groans and sets to shoveling food into her mouth as fast as she can.

“We figured that you were just early for the festival.” Liam says, pushing Logan to the side as he tries to steal half a biscuit from Allie’s plate. “There’s not much other reason for folks to come through here.”

It did seem like the town did get very little tourism traffic, based on how empty Main Street had been.

“What’s the festival?” Jacob asks, reaching across the table for another scoop of casserole.

“It’s a huge vendor’s thing. A bunch of people come over from different towns and have booths, with crafts and stuff. We usually get a few local artists to play, and there’s a street dance. It’s just huge because Rebecca Tewitt mentioned it in a few of her novels.”

I’d heard of that author before. Renee had declared her a literary genius on par with Shakespeare and Poe.

“It’s the largest tourism draw that we have. Hundreds of people come and go every day.” Liam spears a singular green bean on his fork and shoves it in his mouth. “It’s super cool. Even Anna’s excited about it, although that’s just to see her stupid boyfriend.”

Mrs. Miller fixes a suspicious eye on her daughter, who shrinks behind the table. “Anna, have you been seeing that Caddel boy again?”

“No, Mom!” She stands up and shoves her chair back against the table with a bang. “Ugh! Liam!”

Her brother shrugs, going back to his plate until she smacks him across the back of the head as she runs past to her room.

“Hey!”

“Liam, leave it!” Mr Miller barks as he stands to go after her, his eyes narrowed.

The boy scowls and goes back to his plate, sending a murderous look in the direction that his sister disappeared in.

“So, how long have you two been together?” Mrs Miller prompts sweetly.

Chapter Text

I almost choke on my food as Jacob pauses from his feast to stare at her in dismay, before a look crosses over his face.

“About a year.” He says, casting an anxious look his way.

I frown, but he shakes his head and mouths ‘I’ll explain later’.

“Cute. From the way you two act, I would have assumed that it had been longer.” Liam’s mother gestures to Edward’s ring on my finger. “David and I didn’t wait long before tying the knot, either, though. I saw him once, and that was it!” She sighs, placing her hands over her heart with a dreamy expression.

Oh.

I had never in a million years thought that people would notice the ring… even though it was very large and very noticable, now that I think about it.

I had never thought that people would see the ring and assume that Jacob had given it to me.

Jacob and I share a quick glance, and he smiles, but I can see the panic behind his eyes.

The rest of the meal is spent in relative silence, as Jacob gladly finishes Allie and Logan’s leftovers and Mrs. Miller makes more comments about us being a newly married couple.

It’s just like that lady at the Walmart all over again.

Jacob said that I wasn’t cheating on Edward by being here, but if the Millers took one look and decided that it was him and I that were married, not just friends…

I couldn’t imagine what everyone else thought.

Did they also believe that I was a cheater? Did they know?

Was Mrs. Miller’s smile all just an act? Was Mr. Miller’s quiet nature just a front to tell me that he knew what I really was?

“Bella?” Jacob asks quietly. “Are you alright?”

I turn to look up at him, and nod vaguely.

He frowns and turns to Mr. Miller. “What time do I need to be up tomorrow to learn?”

“Meet me out on the porch by about six. That should be good, I think.” He scratches his head. “That’s about the only time of day that I’m not busy.”

Jacob nods. “Alright. I think we better head back over to the other house. It’s been a long day.”

Mrs. Miller smiles as Jacob helps me to my feet. “Alright dears. Just don’t stay up too late.”

The last thing in the dining room that I see is Liam rolling his eyes as Jacob and I wander out the door, and head to walk down the path that leads to the house.

It’s silent for the first few minutes, and all I can hear is the sound of feet against the gravel and Jacob’s slight breathing.

“Bella…” He starts, breaking the silence. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” I ask, surprised to feel my eyes filling with tears. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“Oh, honey.” His hand wraps around mine, and I don’t want to pull away, but I have to. For Edward.”

“They were going to assume. You’re wearing a ring, and Liam saw the dress in the back of the trunk earlier. I… didn’t want to hurt you by telling them the real story.”

“Yeah… it’s probably for the best.” I stare ahead, trying to tilt my eyes to the sky to keep the tears from rolling out.

What would it feel like, if that ring really was Jacob’s gift to me? Would we still be here, or would I be spending every weekend with Emily in La Push, baking for a horde of boys with horrid appetites?

I hate to admit it, but the ring would probably be prettier. And smaller.

Just my style.

I pull my sleeve down to hide the bracelet that I still wear, and was wearing on my wedding day, hiding it from Alice as she sewed me into my dress. Something that I felt remarkably guilty for.

Jacob’s wolf charm, hanging from the small silver chain that he had hung it on.

I had turned Edward’s into a necklace, and had left it at home on the day that I was to be married, because Alice claimed that it messed with the wedding vibe.

I hadn’t complained.

How in the world can I be such a horrible person, yet have the love of the two greatest boys in the world?

I don’t deserve any of it.

We reach the house, and I hurry inside, running into the bedroom and slamming the door.

I ignore Jacob’s knocks and sink against it, not even caring, for a moment, that it’s his room as well.

I need a moment alone.

***************

I don’t know how long I lay on the floor of the bedroom, but the sky is dark when Jacob slips inside, closing the door softly.

“Bella?” He asks tentatively, crouching beside my body, curled up on the floor. “Are you awake?”

I pretend to be asleep, not allowing my eyes to flutter even the tiniest bit.

Jake sighs and leans against the bed, sitting right beside me.

“I feel bad about it, too, you know.” His whispered voice startles me for a moment. “I wanted to have you, but not like this. I hate myself for saying yes, for driving away with you, kidnapping you from your own wedding.”

There’s a small sniffle, and my stomach turns.

Is he crying?

Please don’t cry, Jake. It’s my mistake, not yours.

“I tried so hard.” He says, his voice choked with tears. “I wanted to stay away from you, because despite my noble words, I would always tear you in half. But it’s so hard to stay away from you, especially when you’re in my front seat, in my Rabbit, and wearing my clothes. Leaning against the window and smiling at the sunset, when the light filters through the window and shows off every red undertone in your hair.”

Is that why he had been so hesitant with me at first? Not because I hurt him, but because he wanted to stay away for my sake?

“I saw it too, you know.” Jacob continues. “I saw our future, those two kids with my hair and your beautiful eyes… and I hated myself for wanting it.”

He… wanted it?

“But you never could live without him.” My friend sighs, and I almost shed a tear of my own, listening to the hurt in his voice. “I knew that. I knew that all too well.”

“Damn it Bells…” I can feel his warm fingers sweeping across my face, pulling the hair away from my eyes. “Why do you have to be so irresistible? It feels like my whole world revolves around you, even when you don’t want it to.”

I can’t do this. I’ve hurt Jacob so much already… Even when I don’t mean to, it seems like hurting people is just in my nature.

I would have made an amazing vampire.

“We don’t have to pretend anymore if you don’t want to.” It sounds like it pains him to say it. “‘I’ll come up with another story… that we’re just friends. But I don't know if they will believe it. I don’t know if I’ll believe it.”

“Mrs. Miller was right, Bella. I know that I look at you like you’re the only girl for me… because you are. You’ve always been. Even when you were eight and I was six and you wouldn’t give me the time of day, or when I first saw you down on that beach, and you were the prettiest girl I had ever seen…”

“Even after I shifted, and I saw you for the first time in the meadow. It felt like I was being reborn, that I had never appreciated you for what you really were when I was human. It takes a supernatural to love someone like you, and I have to give Cullen credit for trying.”

“It hurt like dying to hear him talk to you about the wedding. Like you were the reason my heart was still beating and all of the blood had stopped with those words. I hated forcing you to kiss me, and I regret it every day, because that’s not the way that it should have gone.”

“I hate how I reacted, and I hate how I act even now. But, please, if you are still human… find a way to forgive me. I’ll love you like a friend instead, the way that you always wanted.”

He laughs, but it’s a harsh sound that he obviously struggles to keep quiet. “I’m sorry, Bella. It’s all my fault. And I hate myself for it.”

I wish that I could sit up and hug him. I know the pain that he describes… It's the same pain that I felt when Edward left me.

How can I claim to be any better than a bloodsucking monster when I willingly put Jacob, the one who had been with me through everything, through the same thing that he had rescued me from.

The most demented form that a thank you can take, I suppose.

I want to wipe the tears from his lovely eyes and explain to him that it’s not him, it’s me, and it will always be me, and I’m so sorry that I can’t love him the way that he truly deserves to be loved.

I don’t know if I could have ever chosen Jacob, though. Especially after learning about imprinting.

How could I ever love someone wolly when they could leave me at any moment, the same way that Sam left Leah?

Edward may have been flawed, but I knew that he would never leave me. Not even against his will.

Jacob’s arms curl around my body, and I can feel myself lifted into the bed, and covered with the thick, quilted comforter.

The mattress shifts as Jacob lays beside me, and it shakes silently with his muffled sobs.

I can’t stand it anymore.

I can’t hurt him this way any longer-

I pry my eyes open and reach for his lovely face, contorted in so much pain, pain that put him through. “Jacob?”

“Go to sleep, Bells.” He tells me, stuttering on my name. “I’m fine.”

He’s not.

It’s all my fault.

I shift forward, as close to him as I can get, and I wrap my arms around him, burrowing my face in his warm chest. “I’m so sorry.”

“It- it’s fine.” He hiccups, but his face is burrowed in the back of my hair, and I can feel the tears soaking all the way through to the skin of my scalp.

I hold him… or he holds me. I don’t know what exactly it is, but we stay like that for a long, long time, until he falls asleep and I’m lulled to dreamland by the steady sound of his heart right beside my ear.

***************

When I wake up in the morning, he’s gone.

The sun filters in through the window of the small house, and I wander over to the window to close it.

I’m not ready to face the world yet.

**************

It’s almost noon by the time I halt myself out of bed and pull on my other shirt. The flannel that I was wearing is stiff with salty tears, and I can’t exactly remember whether they’re Jacob’s or mine.

Last night feels like a fever dream.

Jacob, my rock, my sun, the unshakeable protector of humans. Crying, curled in my arms, because he hated what he felt for me, because it hurt me.

I don’t know if it hurt me the same way that it did him, though. I was always going to end up with someone, after all, whether it was Edward or Jacob. I was always going to have someone to help me through it.

Jacob had no one. He was surrounded by werewolves and their happy imprints, and had a bond that allowed all of the others to see into his head at every moment imaginable.

I couldn’t imagine what it would be like if Edward couldn’t read my thoughts, if the dirty and dark things that ran through my mind were made public.

I head to the bathroom mirror and wipe my eyes, frowning at the crusty eyelashes and the puffy redness that surrounds them.

If Jacob and I are to pull off this newlywed charade, I can’t look as though I’ve been crying.

I can’t imagine what it would be like to see Mrs. Miller’s eyes on me when she knew that I had hurt him that way.

I have to make sure that no one sees.

Including him. I can’t be this weak around Jacob anymore, since I know that it hurts him so much more than it hurts me.

No more tears, especially in front of my wolf.

I make the vow to myself as I stare into the mirror, trying to piece my shattered mind and appearance together.

Chapter Text

“Just clip them by the base, so the center can continue to grow.” Mrs. Miller tells me, handing me a small pair of sharp scissors.

I stare at the cabbage plants before me and sigh, sinking to my knees in the dirt of the garden.

With how messy the house was, I wasn’t expecting the Miller’s house garden to be in neat rows without a single weed between them. Mrs. Miller told me that, whenever any one of the kids acts up, she sends them out here to pick the green from between the poppy beds, and when they come back in they certainly aren’t in a mood for back talking.

I figured that it wouldn’t be that bad of a punishment. I love sitting between the rows and clipping. There’s just something so satisfying about it, and it would certainly be better than Charlie dismantling my truck and Renee taking my books.

Allie and Logan are absorbed in the plucking of weeds as Mrs. Miller and I work on harvesting. She told me that she felt guilty that I was going to be working without being paid, but I insisted that it was better than sitting around and staring at the peeling walls in the farmhand’s house. The toddler Terri wanders around the fenced garden, with Mrs. Miller’s watchful eye trained on her back.

“So, how did you two meet?” She asks, and it takes me a moment to realize that she’s talking about Jacob.

Hysteria builds in the back of my mind until I remind myself that I swore to stop being dramatic about Jacob and I. It would be far too awkward to back out now, obviously.

“I’ve known him most of my life. I just never realized that I would like him like that when I returned to my old hometown.”

“Ah! Childhood lovers.” Mrs. Miller sighs with a smile and she sets to pulling up a row of carrots. “Adorable. You two look so perfect and comfortable with each other, I should have guessed.”

I nod awkwardly, setting a handful of green leaves in the large white bowl that I had been given.

“So, when were you married?”

I need to check with Jacob on this whole marriage backstory thing. If we’re going to be lying about this, we need to get our stories straight.

“About two weeks ago.” I say.

“Oh! Newlyweds!” Her hand flies to her heart. “Be easy on that old bed in the house, will you? I’m not exactly in the mood to replace the headboard.”

I bite my lip as my face turns an awkward pinkish color.

It’s like talking to Emmett all over again, except for the fact that the innuendos aren’t even close to subtle.

“Sorry, dear.” Mrs Miller apologizes quickly.

“It’s alright.”

“Although, you should take advantage of the specimen on your hands. It’s like seeing a Renecca Tewitt book in real life! How tall is your Jacob?”

“Six-foot-seven.” I regret this already. Could I take back my promise to try?

“Wow.” She laughs a little under her breath. “I think your height difference almost qualifies for a long-distance relationship.”

I can’t help but giggle a bit at that. “I guess it does.”

“Allie! Get off of your brother!” The woman throws a small dirt clod, which lands perfectly in the little redheaded girl’s hair.

“Ah! Mom!” She complains, the pause giving Logan enough time to throw his sister over his back and drive an elbow into her ribs.

“Do you two need to go work with your father like Liam and Anna?” Mrs. Miller threatens, pointing her handheld spade at them like a weapon of old.

“No…” Logan goes limp and slides off of his sister, who sprinkles dirt in his hair as he crawls away.

“Good.”

The two oldest of the Miller children were resigned to working with their father, harvesting the first batch of corn and mowing the hay fields in the front and the back, just like Jacob.

“How old are they?” I ask, trying to get the conversation started up again.

“Well, Logan’s seven and Allie’s nine. Terri’s almost two.” She scratches her chin. “Liam’s sixteen now, and Anna’s almost fifteen.”

I nod. That certainly explains the relationship between Logan and Allie.

“Do you have any siblings?” The woman asks me as she goes back to digging.

“No. I’m an only child.” I knew pretty early on that asking Renee for a sibling was pretty much out of the question. It was enough of a burden for her to drag around on her wild adventures, and she always said that she wouldn’t get lucky to get a middle-aged child on a second try.

I wouldn’t doubt it if Phil changed her mind, though. She seemed serious about him, which was more than I could say for anything else in her life.

“Sad. Siblings are like life’s built-in best friends.”

According to all of my friends, from Phoenix and Forks alike, younger siblings were a hassle and rarely made up for it.

I would have liked a big brother or sister, though. Someone that I could be a kid around, and annoy.

I suppose that that’s what I liked so much about Jacob when I first met him. He fueled my childish ideas like motorcycles and driving to movies in Port Angeles. It was something that I didn’t realize that I could miss until he was gone.

“Do you have any hobbies?”

It takes me moment to realize that I hadn’t even really answered Mrs. Miller’s first statement before she moved on to the second one. She was very easy to talk to, and I wished that I felt more comfortable around her so that I could respond properly.

“Not really. I like to read. And daydream, I suppose. I’ve ridden a motorcycle or two before.”

“Motorcycles?” THe woman’s booming laugh makes me jump a little. “I would have never guessed!”

“Yeah.” I focus on the cabbage that I’m set on trimming with all neat, triangular edges. “I would have never guessed, either.”

*******************

I’m interrogated for another hour under the hot sun, until Mrs. Miller insists that me and Allie’s pale skin take a break from the sun.

The little girl hauls me inside, clearly excited about having another girl in the house.

“I mean, there’s Anna, but I’m not cool enough for her, and Terri’s boring.” She explains, pulling on my arm. “Do you want water? Mom says you should drink some water.”

“No, it’s fine-”

Allie climbs onto the cabinet and retrieves two glasses before filling them in the sink. She hands one to me and chugs the other in about ten seconds.

“Do you wanna see my room?”

“Sure.” How could I say no to this absolute whirlwind?

She nods and sprints in the opposite direction, up a staircase that is littered with various items of clothing and balls for every sport imaginable.

I follow her, trying not to trip over anything that could end my life. I’ve given a lot of thought to how I would die, and none of them involve a staircase, despite Jessica’s teasing over my hospital stay cover story.

“This is mine!” She throws a pink door decorated with baseball stickers open. “I get my own room for now, but when Terri’s old enough, she’ll move in with me, because Mom wants the guest room back. I would share with Anna, but she threw a huge fit about it and now I’m not even allowed in her room. She put a lock on her door, but Mom doesn’t know about it yet.”

Wow. She sure is talkative.

“This is my horsey stable.” Alllie points to a ramshackle building made of shoeboxes and fake hay stuck together with Elmer’s glue. “Whenever Maya comes over, we play horses here. I’m always the pink one, ‘cause it’s my stable.”

I nod politely. “That’s cool.”

“Yeah, it is.” She flounces over to her bed and shoves a pile of clothes off of it. “This is my bed. It’s awesome ‘cause it’s a bunk bed, even though I won’t be able to play on the bottom half anymore when Terri moves in.”

Allie sits there, patting her comforter, for almost thirty seconds, a dreamy smile on her face, before she jumps up. “That’s it. I’m bored now. Wanna go back outside and make fun of Logan?”

“I’ll go back outside with you, but I’m not tormenting your poor brother.” I comment as I follow her back down the staircase of doom.

“Aw.” She sticks her lower lip out, pouting. “But it’s fun.”

I shrug. “Your mom’s going to get mad if you do it constantly. Maybe only once in a while?”

The little girl pauses, deliberating. “Okay. But only if he’s nice to me.”

“Fair enough.” I put my glass in the sink as she rushes away, the sound of a door slamming echoing throughout the house.

I sigh and follow her, slipping my shoes back on. It’s almost lunchtime, which means that Jacob will be back.

I don’t know how I’m going to face him, after hearing his heart spilled out like that, and realizing just how much my stupid indecision has hurt him.

The comfort is that he doesn’t know that I heard all of that. He thinks that I was fast asleep, and I only woke up when I was carried to bed.

I hope that’s what he thinks.

I brace my hands on either side of the kitchen sink as the door slams again, and the sound of Liam’s voice fills the entryway.

“Yeah, it’s pretty easy to pick up. Thankfully, otherwise my city friends would have no chance.”

“Great. It seems easy.”

The sound of Jacob’s voice sends my heart through a series of cartwheels, and I swear that it catapults the organ at least ten feet away from my chest.

“Hey, Bells.” I almost turn around, but he’s already there, his arms around my shoulder as he gives me a kiss on the top of my head.

I can feel my cheeks flush, and certainly he can hear my heartbeat pick up. How can I be so sure that I’m not cheating on Edward when Jacob makes my body react like this?

Damn. I’m in trouble.

“Make your own sandwiches!” Mrs. Miller’s voice calls out as Jacob, thankfully, moves away. “I’m not making ten of them, for goodness sake.”

Jacob could eat ten of them all by himself, but I figure that it’s better not to mention that. Better to let them believe that they’re getting a good deal for his labor.

The two younger kids burst into the house, giggling.

“Mom, can we have chips?” Logan asks, his brown eyes huge.

“Fine. But only a few.” I turn around as Mrs. Miller’s arm snakes around my head to get to the drink cabinet. “Excuse me, dear.”

I mumble an apology and slide away from the cabinet, trying to find a space to stand and be out of the way in the kitchen when there’s so many people in the small space.

I settle for leaning against the wall by Terri’s chair, smiling as she reaches for me and babbles something in her baby-talk language, I only catch ‘pwease’ in the sentence and pretend that I understood her, playing with her fingers as she giggles.

When I look up, Jacob’s staring at me with a wistful smile on his face, which turns into a smirk as he catches my gaze.

I turn back towards Terri. Stupid wolf boys.

Jacob, obviously, has been shifting much less than he did in Forks. There’s not much of a reason to, and it’s a fairly peaceful place to be, so he just settles for running around the woods at night and sniffing for vampires.

I told him that it was silly, and that there wasn’t a single reason for a vampire to be in the area, but he shrugged me off and insisted that it was something he had to do.

Once most everyone else has gotten their food, I quickly throw together a sandwich for myself, and grab a handful of baby carrots from the bowl beside the sink.

The only seat open is the one beside Jacob, which, even after telling myself that I’d rather not have to sit next to him after my frequent, embarrassing displays of emotional immaturity, it’s probably best for appearances.

It’s always about appearances.

Chapter Text

A week passed without incident.

I fell into a somewhat comfortable routine of wake up, head over to the house to help Mrs. Miller with odd jobs, separate Allie and Logan, and repeat.

Oh, and make the Millers believe that Jacob and I are in fact a couple and not just best friends.

It’s been… easier than I thought it would be, for some reason.

I don’t have to keep up appearances any more than I would around Charlie. Obviously, we can’t tell the Millers that Jacob is sixteen, not twenty-one, and a shape-shifter whose purpose is to hunt vampires, one of which I was engaged to almost a month ago.

I can’t imagine that that would go over entirely well.

“Bella, have you put any thought into attending the festival with our family?” Mrs. Miller asks as she rinses a bowl of green beans for canning.

“Oh. No, not really.”

Jacob and I had been surviving off of the two outfits apiece until the Millers noticed and insisted on giving us a few spares. I certainly don’t have anything that would be worthy for this apparently world-shattering festival.

“Well, you should. We’d be delighted to have you along.” She laughs as she drains the water from the beans. “You may have to drive yourselves, though. The van barely fits the seven of us, let alone two more.”

“I’ll have to ask Jacob.”

It doesn’t sound like something that he would love. A festival mentioned in a romance novel? That sounded like every teenage boy’s nightmare.

“Alright.”

“Mom! Allie took my shirt!”

I turn around, contemplating on how that’s even possible, to a shirtless Logan clinging to his mother’s pants.

“Allie, give your brother his shirt back!” Mrs. Miller calls.

“No!”

The woman sighs and sets the green beans in the sink. “Bella, sweetie, can you finish washing those?”

“Yeah.” I move in as she stomps down the hall, towards her squealing daughter.

I’d never given much thought to having kids. Renee had always made it sound like it was the worst thing that had ever happened to her. ‘Not you dear, just kids in general’, she had explained every single time she complained.

And, after I knew what Edward was, I’d completely dismissed any sort of fantasy that I’d ever had of children running down the halls of my home. If I had kids, it would be with him, and he refused to do anything with me until I was turned.

Then, as Rosalie had made so very painfully obvious, there wasn’t a chance in the world for me to have kids.

It was fine. I had never wanted children anyways; I preferred my room to be much too neat for that kind of mess. Plus, all of the parents that I had ever met, Renee’s friends, all joked and carried on about motherhood like it was the end of everything good in their lives.

When I watch the Millers with their kids, I don’t know if that’s what I believe anymore.

Even when Allie and Logan are being the worst little versions of themselves, Anna has called her mother a jerk for the third time that day, and Terri has decided to paint the walls with Sharpie, I’ve never seen either of the parents complain. They still seem like they love their kids, and their family is perfect just as it is.

Maybe Rosalie was right.

No.

I carefully drain the beans while my mind whirls. I will still love Edward. There isn’t a single doubt in my mind about that.

And, he’s the only one I would ever have children with. Period.

Still, my mind dances with the vision I thought that I had denied- the one of kids with Jacob’s hair and my eyes, running free in the grass.

I could never tell him that I feel this way, of course. I could never tell either Jacob or Edward that I’m having doubts about my own marriage, not when I’ve hurt both of them so severely with my own indecision.

Jacob most of all. What would it do to him if he knew of these thoughts, only to make him say goodbye again when I saw Edward’s beautifully addicting face?

He’s like a drug to me, and I know it. It will be better to give in to the addiction than try to break free of the hold that he has on my mind.

I guess all of the Just Say No! presentations in school really did nothing for me, I decide with a faint laugh.

“Thank you, Bella.” Mrs. Miller takes the bowl of beans from me, a small smile on her face. “Children, I swear.”

Yet, there’s not a single bad expression shown on her face.

“This should be enough for about seven cans.” She decides, looking over the bowl. “Can you begin preparing the marinade?”

I nod and move to the cans. If there’s one thing that I’ve improved this last week, it’s my cooking skills. Whenever I go back to Forks, if Edward lets me go to La Push, I’ll have to share the recipes that I’ve learned with Emily. I bet that every single one of the wolves would go feral for Mrs. Miller’s biscuit recipe.

Lets?

I shake my head. I shouldn’t have to worry that Edward won’t let me go to La Push. I’m my own person, after all, and I won’t be allowed down there after I change.

I’m slowly realizing all of the things that Charlie and Jacob found so questionable about Edward. Why should I have to ask his permission to visit a friend? Or to go anywhere, despite his claim that he’s ‘protecting me’?

I could die at any time. It’s a slightly higher margin around vampire and werewolves, sure, but I’m pretty sure that I have a higher percentage of slipping on ice and breaking my neck than being mauled by a few of my best friends.

If anything, I’m in more danger around the vampires. At least the wolves don’t have the constant urge to drain me of the liquid keeping me alive.

Mrs. Miller pours the beans in one by one and tightens the lid, packaging them all in the box again to relocate to the wooden shelves in the basement.

I head down without a word, carefully avoiding the shirts that are, for some reason, strewn across the hallway.

The basement is oddly organized compared to the rest of the house. I’m sure that if you looked in any of the boxes, it would be absolute chaos, but with the neat cardboard stacks along the walls it looks decent.

There’s two couches in the basement and a T.V, sparsely decorated with Chiefs merchandise. The first time I came down here, I reached the immediate conclusion that it was Liam’s hangout spot, and the numerous empty popcorn bags spread out along the couches proved my suspicions correct.

The wooden shelves full of Mrs. Miller’s canning equipment and the eggs that they sell at the summer farmer’s market take up two of the walls. I’d never seen so much food in any place other than the grocery store before, and the one time Jacob saw it he promptly told me that he knew where we were going in the event of an apocalypse.

I place the box of cans in the corner, where they belong and turn around, fixing my eyes on an odd cutout in the corner.

My first thought is that it’s an old life-size cutout of one of the bands that Anna loves to listen to on full blast, but then it moves.

I almost scream before a cold hand places itself over my mouth.

I squirm for only a moment before realizing that my fists are just getting bruised from punching what is, essentially, a wall of stone.

“Bella, quiet. Don’t scare the children.”

The hand over my mouth falls away and I spin around to face my attacker.

“Edward!”

“Hello, darling.” His perfect lips curve into a smile that seems too good to be true, and I can’t help it, but I slam back into him at full speed, wrapping my arms around the vampire that I left behind, and-

“Why the hell are you here?”

“Well, that’s not a very nice greeting.” He laughs under his breath, his hands weaving themselves through my hair. “You smell like mutt. It’s horrible.”

“Well, nice to see you, too.” I step back, pushing him away from me.

Edward shrugs, keeping a hold on my left hand. “So, you’re still wearing the ring. Thank you, my love.”

“Edward. What are you doing here?”

“And to think that I thought that I had lost you forever…” He frowns as he takes my expression in. “I thought you would want me to be here.”

“If I wanted you to be here, I would have married you.” No! I can’t say that! I love him... What am I thinking?

His smile flickers and falls. “What did I do? I thought that we were meant to be forever.”

“Yeah…” I knew that I would go back to him, but I didn’t want him to come to me! I still needed time… time to relax in the sun and dream of children of my own.

“It was Rosalie, wasn’t it?” Edward’s stone teeth gnash together, and if he had veins, they would be bulging, I’m sure of it. “I told her to stop implanting her lies in your fragile human psyche!”

“I’m not fragile.” I say quietly, wrapping my arms around my torso. “And it wasn’t Rosalie. Don’t blame her.”

Was it Rosalie? Was she the one to blame for all of my doubts?

No. She wasn’t, I was sure of it. I had come up with my twisted thoughts all on my own.

“Then who was it? Was it Jacob?” He says my friend’s name like a curse, like something that Carlisle would have shunned him for saying.

“No! It wasn’t! Edward, please…”

“You’re right.” Edward stills himself. “I shouldn’t be getting carried away this easily. Forgive me, I did not think to feed before coming here.”

I notice, with a skipped heart beat, that his eyes are black.

Not Jacob’s comforting, deep brown, technically black eyes, but irises that should belong to a predator.

That do belong to a predator.

“Bella, are you ready to go home?” He extends his perfect hand to me, but I don’t take it.

“Not yet. I like it here.” I can’t believe that I’m turning him down. Three fourths of my mind are screaming at me and calling me every profanity under the sun, but that one fourth tells me to stay. That I need to be here.

“Really?” Edward’s smile wavers yet again. “This horrid human household?”

“It’s not horrid. It’s beautiful.” I protest. “It’s the most beautiful house I have ever been in.”

Even more beautiful than the Cullen’s castle of windows, somehow.

“Bella… Please don’t do this.” He drops his head in sadness. “Please don’t break my heart again. I don’t want to live without you… and I would hate to revisit the Volturi.”

“No!” I can’t stand the thought of Edward, my beautiful, perfect Edward, dying at the hands of the horrible vampire royalty. “Please don’t!”

“Then come back with me.” He reaches for me again. “Don’t let me feel alone ever again. Become my wife, and we’ll live together forever.”

I want to say yes. Every single bone in my body tells me to say yes, to take that hand, and to kiss his perfect mouth, over and over again.

Somehow, I listen to my heart instead. The heart that wants to keep beating, to send rushes of blood that used to disgust me, to feel things other than thirst.

“No.”

“What?” Edward grabs me by the arms, and I wince. He loosens his grip, but not before I’m certain that I’ll have bruises for days. “Bella, you can’t! You have to come back!”

When was the last time that I made a decision for myself, instead of just doing what he wanted?

“No, I don’t. I don’t want to.”

The words fall out in a rush, and I can’t stop them.

“I don’t want to, Edward.”

“I don’t want to go back.”

Chapter Text

Edward stares at me as though he doesn’t know what I’m saying, as though I’m speaking a language foreign to him and his infinite years of knowledge. “You… don’t want to go back?”

“No.” I look away from him, and his perfect face creased with pain. I can’t do this.

How will I ever explain to him that I love him again? He will never trust me.

I don’t know what I want.

“But… Bella…”

“I said no, Edward.”

What am I doing? Of course I want to go back. I love him.

“Oh.” There’s a faint rustling noise, but I don’t dare turn around. “Damn. Rose was right.”

His hand cups my chin, freezing fingers against the skin that has just learned to be warm again. I hate this touch, even more now that I’ve learned to live without it. “She told me to wait. To let you enjoy being human. I just thought… you had always begged for me to change you. I didn’t know that your mind had changed.”

“I didn’t know that I could enjoy living.” My voice is barely a whisper as I pull away from his touch. “I didn’t know that I could look into the eyes of a child and want one of my own.”

“Of course this is what this is all about.” Edward says a word that I have never heard him say before, and it startles me enough to look up at him. “You never wanted kids before, Bella. Why now?”

“I didn’t know that parents could be so happy with them.” Everything I say is true. For once, I wish that he could read my mind, so that I could show him exactly what I mean.

“Is it because of him?”

It takes me a moment to realize that he’s referring to Jacob. “No! Edward, I would never cheat like that!”

Would I?

“You’ve been sharing a bed.” He says with disgust. “I smelled it when I was over there.”

“It’s not like that!” I swear. “Please, I would never!”

Edward shrugs. “It doesn't bother me. If I can never give you kids, you might as well have puppies with him.”

It’s as if he’s struck me across the face with every bit of supernatural strength in his body. “Edward…”

“Please, Bella.” He turns away from me now, and I’m the one left grasping on the tails of his coat. “Don’t. I can see everything clearly now.”

“No! Let me explain!”

“There’s not much to explain.” Edward says quietly. “I’ll be around, if you ever decide to come back to me. I’ll stay in town.”

“That’s not…”

He’s gone before I can even finish my sentence.

“Bella!” I turn around to the sound of a little girl’s voice, panicked for a second. What if-

“Bella, who was that?” Alllie asks, her hands on her hips. “He’s not supposed to be here.”

I force a smile across my face and hide my shaking hands behind my back. “No one, Allie. There was no one down here, I was just… singing.”

Her eyes narrow suspiciously. “No you weren’t.”

Before I can come up with a better lie, she turns and sprints up the stairs, and I follow.

When I walk up, I try to look nonchalant, as if I have done nothing but place a box of cans away on the shelves.

Upstairs, Allie tugs on Mrs. Miller’s sleeve. “Mom! Bella was talking to someone in the basement!”

The woman turns to me with a confused look. “There’s no one down there, honey.”

“Yeah.” I grin weakly. “I was singing and got carried away.”

She laughs and pats her daughter’s head. “See, honey? There’s no one in the basement.”

“There is! I saw him!”

“Anyways, have you put any more thought into the festival?” Mrs. Miller asks, talking over her daughter, who pouts and runs off behind the couch.

“Not much.” I was too busy trying to not give in to the impossible-to-resist power of my immortal groom, sorry.

“I know I keep bringing it up, but I truly think that you will love it.” She sighs. “My husband and I used to go there every year when we were newlyweds. After nine, all of the families with children go home and it’s just the adults left. I made some of my fondest memories there.”

I nod politely. I don’t think that going to an adults-only event would necessarily persuade Edward that there was nothing going on between Jacob and I.

Still, it could be fun. The last dance experience that I had was that ill-fated prom in my junior year, and that could have been topped by most anything in terms of good times.

I had decided to no longer cry after Edward, anyways. If anything, showing him that I was just fine without him would convince him to leave, and then I could figure out these confusing thoughts, and go back to my groom after this was all over.

It was a foolproof plan.

“Sure. I’ll get Jacob to go.”

“Wonderful!” Mrs. Miller all but clicks her heels with joy. “I can’t wait!” Then, she eyes me with a suspicious look. “Is there any possibility that you have a dress?”

“Nope.” I admit. “Isn’t it a casual event?” From the way that she had talked about it before, it sounded like a normal small-town event with farmers wearing Carhartts and their wives wearing whatever they had gardened on that day.

“It technically is, but plenty of out-of-towners dress up.” The woman smiles sneakily as she lifts Terri out of the booster chair that the girl had been sitting in. “All of the young couples treat it like it’s somewhat formal. It’s a romantic night after all, especially for Rebecca Tewitt’s characters.”

I nod. “I’ll be alright.”

“If you want, I guarantee that Anna has a dress or two that would fit you. You’re petite enough, and I shop in advance. If you’re really desperate, I’m sure that you could wear one of my old ones. Just belt it in a bit, I suppose.”

She sounds like how I would imagine Alice would if she didn’t have access to centuries of Carlisle’s money.

The thought makes my heart ache for my old friend. She would surely defy all of the odds of vampire hood and cry if she knew the state of my custom wedding dress now.

No bother. Alice would design me a new one, hopefully with softer fabric this time.

“Sure.” I find myself saying. “That sounds great.”

“Amazing!” Mrs. Miller smiles. “Let’s head up right now!”

Scarcely two minutes later, the woman has pulled out a whole bucket of dresses that she claims Anna has discarded.

“She tried to throw them away, but I know better. This whole ‘wearing black’ thing is just a phase and she’ll wish she hadn’t thrown it all away.” She laments as she pulls sheet after sheet of floral-covered fabric out of the plastic tub. “Oh, here! I bet that this one would fit you!”

The dress she hands me looks like something Renee would have worn to prom.

“No, thank you.” I tell her, politely handing the neon monstrosity back. “It’s not quite my style.”

Fortunately, there are a few pieces that seem to be genuinely fashionable. A yellow dress that falls to my knees, but is a bit too tight around my chest and shoulders. Two blue pieces that would be perfect if they didn’t have miniature ponies embroidered around the edges.

After discarding the last scrap of fabric, which Terri gleefully plays with, Mrs. Miller shuts the plastic bin with a sigh. “Sorry, dear. I suppose that you’ll be stuck with one of my old dresses. I don’t know how they’ll look, since they certainly don’t fit anymore.” She pats her hips with a smile. “Five children will do that to a woman.”

I nod as she picks Terri up. The toddler clings to the small dress that Mrs. Miller forgot to put away, gleefully laughing as her mother swung her around in circles.

We make our way to the Miller’s master bedroom, and the woman sweeps the door aside with flourish. “Welcome to the only clean room in the house! It’s only because the kids aren’t allowed in it, of course.”

The bedroom is light and airy, with pale blue bedding and wooden furniture. Mrs. Miller looks fondly upon every piece. “My husband made that. And that. He’s quite handy.”

“They look lovely.” The chair is a bit lopsided, and one of the bed legs is cut at a slightly awkward angle, but they’re somehow perfect. Full of personality and connected to a story that could never be recreated.

“Thank you, dear.” She opens her closet with one hand, immediately shoving aside all of the shirts. “I hope that I’ve kept some of them. Maybe I would have thought that Anna would wear them one day… Oh! Here we are!”

Mrs. Miller produces a small stack of dresses in all sorts of pale colors. “These were from before I was concerned about stains, of course. Ah, the early days of marriage.” Her eyes grow distant as she reminisces. “I wore this one on my honeymoon, and this one on our one-year anniversary. That was the day that I told him that I was pregnant, of course…”

I sort through the pile myself, smiling as I listen to her tell the tales of every single one. I didn’t think that clothing could hold that much significance for someone… After all, the only one who had cared for the stuff back in Forks was Alice, and she treated everything like it was single-use. No time for anything to gather memories in the garbage.

Finally, she hands me a piece that I had been eyeing throughout every one of her stories. “Here. I wore this one to a wedding, believe it or not! I know, white is taboo, but it was my sister’s and she had asked me too… it used to have a blue overdress, but I spilled wine on it that night.”

Mrs. Miller hands me one of the prettiest dresses I’ve ever seen while explaining the whole history behind it. But, I can hardly listen as I take the off-white piece in my hands and look it over.

“I have a belt that you can cinch it in with, if you would like.” She offers, gently taking the sleeve away from Terri’s fist. “A brown one. It would go lovely with it, I think.”

I think that most anything would go lovely with this. It’s perfect.

The sleeves are three-quarter, and end in ruffles that are somehow cute, not unstylish. The hem is modest, but the back plunges, which I assume would have been covered with the original overdress.The skirt falls to my ankles, trimmed with the same ruffles that adorn the sleeves.

“Thank you.” I tell her, hugging the dress to my chest. It’s soft, a silky fabric that seems almost more like something that an angel would wear, not a human being as flawed as me.

“Don’t mention it. You can keep it.”

“No, that’s too much-”

Mrs. Miller waves in a dismissive motion. “Nonsense. I certainly won't be wearing it ever again, and I have plenty more for Aliie and Anna to inherit. Besides, if they ever decide to borrow it back, by the way that my husband speaks of yours, they will only have to walk a quarter of a mile down to the farmhand’s house.”

I must look speechless, because she laughs. “We have animals, too! We could use help all year round, especially when the kids are at school! Of course, that’s only if you’re willing to stay.”

I hadn’t even thought that far ahead. However, it was tempting.

I could easily see myself spending a year or two on this farm before returning to Forks. Living with the Millers and watching their children grow up, with no worries at all.

What was the difference, really, between eighteen and nineteen? And nineteen and twenty? The only thing that changed from twenty to twenty-one was being able to drink…

Edward had been right. I should truly live as a human, instead of wishing that I could give it all away.

And I was going to make it the best life I could.

Chapter Text

“Jacob, do you think that I should go back?”

Jacob blinks at me in surprise, his hand tightening around mine.

After dinner, we had decided to go for a walk in the forest below the farm, during the time that he would normally shift. I had convinced him, partially because I was worried that he would smell Edward if he phased.

“Do you want a real answer, or a selfish one?”

I shrug. “Whatever answer you want to give.”

He sighs. “No. I wish you’d never go back, and we could spend forever here. Just you and me… human.”

“You’re half wolf.” I remind him, poking him in the base of the ribs.

“And you’re missing the point.” The corner of Jake’s mouth raises. “I don’t want to lose my best friend, Bella.”

Neither do I, I almost said. “You won’t. For quite some time.”

I raise my voice for the last line, so if Edward’s watching just as closely as he promised to, he hears it.

And go home, hopefully.

“Great.” Jacob smiles at me, and it’s like the sun has come out at night.

I would have never assumed that I would be comparing a werewolf to the sun. After all, they had always been associated with the moon, in all of the myths that I had ever read. But the moon wasn’t bright enough to do my best friend justice.

I smile back, kicking a rock along the deer trail that we follow.

“Did you tell Mrs. Miller that we would be going to a festival tomorrow?” Jake asks, confusing me for a moment. I hadn’t realized that I hadn’t told him.

“Oh. Yeah.” I confess. “It sounded fun, and I was pretty sure that you wouldn’t object. Plus, Mrs. Miller gave me one of her old dresses. I couldn’t not go after that.”

“Fair enough. I’m not complaining, either.” He sticks his free hand out to tap a tree as we pass it. “This place is fun, but I’ve been dying to get out.’

“Yeah.”

We walk in silence for a few moments, until I stop suddenly.

“Bella?” Jake asks as I crouch down, reaching for a sliver of yellow in the grass.

“Look.” I pluck the flower at its roots and hand it to him. “It’s so pretty!”

He grins. “Would it be overstepping if I said it was just like you?”

My breath catches in my throat at that. I hadn’t expected-

It’s as if the forest has quieted and all of the stars have gone silent, holding their breath for my answer.

“No.” My voice is barely above a whisper. “It wouldn’t.”

Jacob smiles, although it looks as though he has had a great burden released from his shoulders. “Good. Because I’m going to say it.” He sweeps my hair aside with his free hand and places the flower behind my ear.

Edward had tried to do that once, in the meadow. But he had accidentally crushed the stem and bud, leeching blue pigment all over his delicate and pale fingers.

“You’re so beautiful, Bells.” My friend tilts his head, his eyes soft as he looks at me. I’ve seen this look before, the first time he tried to kiss me.

I punched him back then.

I don’t know if I will now.

“I’m not, really.” I say, as if it’s an instinct.

Jake frowns. “Yes, you are. Anyone who says differently was misinformed or maybe dropped as a child. You’re prettier than any of the leeches, or the stars above us.”

“When did you become such a poet?” I tease, trying to distract myself from the fluttering below my ribcage.

“When I realized that I was losing you, and force didn’t work.” His words are so soft, it’s almost as though I’ve imagined them.

Maybe I have.

I smile, looking into his sincere eyes. “Oh.”

His hand falls away from my face as he looks elsewhere, blushing a dark red that is barely visible against his russet brown skin, but the moonlight gives him away. “I’m sorry, Bells. I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s alright.” I tell him, squeezing the hand that I hold three times, in the same way that Charlie told me means I love you. I’d used it on Jacob since forever, when words couldn’t explain what I meant, and so I wouldn’t hurt him when Edward returned. “It’s completely alright.”

“Good.” A bit of the Jacob goofiness that I know returns when he looks back. “I don’t know what I’d do if it weren’t. It’s like looking at the portrait of a queen and being unable to tell her it’s gorgeous.”

Now, it’s my turn to blush. “You know, you shouldn’t say things like that.”

“Why not? It’s not like I’m lying.”

I look up to the stars, searching for familiar constellations. “I… I don’t know. I’ve just always assumed that I wasn’t pretty.”

Renee had told me once that I should never have an ego, because no one likes girls who think that they’re prettier than they actually are. I, in my thirteen-year-old mind, took that to mean that I certainly wasn’t pretty and shouldn’t be treated as such.

Then, when I moved to Forks, any flattery that I may have felt towards Mike, Eric, and Tyler asking me out immediately vanished the moment I started spending time with the Cullens. After all, who was I to call myself beautiful when they were the image of human perfection?

“Why in the world would you ever assume that?” Jacob asks, a crease of confusion between his brow.

“I… don’t know.”

“You should stop it. You’re pretty.”

“Thanks.”

He rubs the space between my knuckles with a sigh. “Someday, I’m going to fight Cullen for everything he made you feel.”

That startles me. “What?” I ask, looking up at him in confusion.

“Everything he- no, nevermind.” Jake shakes his head. “Forget I said anything.”

“No, what?” What had Edward done to me that he hated? My fiance had never gotten to relieve me of my humanity, after all.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.”

“Jacob Black.” I tore my fingers from his to stand with my hands perched on my hips. “What are you trying to say?”

“I said it’s nothing.” He repeats, looking very much like a cornered mouse.

It’s almost hilarious to me that I can make a six-foot-seven werewolf afraid.

“It’s obviously not nothing.”

“It is.” He pleads. “I’m sorry that I said anything. Let’s just keep walking.”

“No!” My voice rises. “Tell me!”

A look of mild irritation crosses Jacob’s face. “Why? It’ll make you upset, and you’ll cry again, and I’ll be left wondering what I did wrong!” Then, his face drops. “Wait- no, Bells.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “I am not going to cry. Tell me now.”

“But-”

“Tell me!”

“Everything, Bella!” It rushes out of him in the same way that I would imagine he phased, building and building until something snaps. “He was horrible to you! Nothing but a drug and fancy words he read and repeated!”

“He was not horrible!” My voice raises at least an octave.

“He was! He made you feel useless, and ugly, and not enough as a human.” Jacob throws his hands up in frustration. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you turned, and divorced within the day!”

His words stun me, but he keeps talking, waving his arms in elaborate gestures. “When are you going to realize that you never loved him, you just loved the idea of being perfect?”

I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not-

I swore it to myself. I wouldn’t cry. I told Jacob that not a single tear would escape from my dull eyes.

Jake’s voice falls soft as he takes a step towards me, lifting my hands in his. “You’re such a people-pleaser, Bells. You wanted to make everything right for a vampire that was obsessed with you, and become perfect yourself.” He lifts me as though I weigh no more than a five-pound bag of flour, crushing me in a hug. The ends of his hair tickle my neck as I breathe in his delightfully woodsy scent.

“When will you realize that everyone else loves you human?”

The silence is deafening as I wind my arms around his neck. “I don’t know. I don’t know.” I repeat, as If I can find the answer from the question. “I don’t know.”

“Bella.” Jacob whispers against my shoulder. “When will you realize that I love you human?”

I don’t know.

I don’t want to be human… I want to be perfect.

Then, I think of the Miller’s and their perfectly imperfect family, and the home that I’ve grown into this last week, and the boy I have slept next to every single night. Maybe that’s the kind of perfect that I want, not the polished perfect that Edward showed to me.

“I don’t know.” I tell him truthfully. “I won’t know if I ever will.”

I don’t even care that he told me that he loves me, even though we agreed that we would only stay friends. Even though I’m engaged to the one that he claims warped my thoughts and convinced me of a flawed reality.

I don’t care that I don’t know.

Jacob’s breath is ragged as he pulls himself away from me. “Just try, please? I don’t know if I can live with myself if you leave after all of this.”

I don’t know if I could live with myself, either.

“I will. I will try my hardest.” I reach up to brush his smooth cheekbone, and his eyes flutter slightly at my touch. It turns something in the pit of my stomach- something that I hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

No. I can’t do this.

Even though I told Edward to go away, we’re still engaged. There’s nothing that could change that, besides me giving him his ring back.

I don’t know if I could bear to part with the little, ugly metal ring that adorns my left hand, even if I wasn’t in my right mind when I agreed to wear it.

“Bella…” Jacob whispers. “Can I…?”

I don’t even know what he’s asking for, because I’m speaking over him. “It goes for you, too, you know.”

That distracts him from whatever he was about to say. “What does?”

“Being called beautiful. Remember the time with the bikes? When I called you beautiful, and you said that I must have hit my head really hard.”

Jacob smiles slightly, a bemused look in his eyes. “I remember that. I also remember a lot of blood, and a hazy look, so excuse me if I didn’t believe you.”

“Well, you have to know.” I tell him, poking at his chest. “It goes both ways. I won’t protest you calling me pretty, and you won’t tell me off for calling you beautiful.”

“What if I prefer handsome?”

“Beggars don’t get to be choosers, Black.”

“I’m not the one begging. You are.” He reminds me.

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

The night feels much hotter than it should be, as if the sun has come up when it’s the moon’s time to shine. Maybe we’ve wandered close to some sort of hot spring. That would explain it.

That would definitely explain it.

“Maybe I will.” I tilt my head with a smirk, the night air making me feel much braver than I ever have before. “How in the world would I shut you up, though? It seems pretty impossible, from what I’ve noticed.”

“I can think of a way or two.” His head is closer to mine than should be possible. His lips are poised perfectly, and I kind of want to kiss them.

Edward be damned, I was going to make decisions for myself now.

“Really?” Would you mind explaining them to me?” I ask, looping my arms around his lowered neck.

“I don’t think that I would, actually. But I’d prefer to show you.” His voice is low and smooth, with just a tiny hint of rasp in it.

I don’t have supernatural senses, but even I can hear the beat of his heart against mine, and it makes me want things that I didn’t know that I could anymore.

It’s been almost five years since I kissed anyone with a heartbeat, after all.

Chapter Text

My heart thuds in my chest.

He’s so close- closer than I’d ever imagined I’d let him be willingly.

The way he looks at me makes time slow, and my only wish is that I could get this to last forever.

“Jacob…” I whisper as his fingers run across the base of my jaw. I need this. I need him now.

Right as I close my eyes, the hand disappears.

“Jacob?” I repeat, but this time in confusion, opening my eyes. “What…? Did I…?”

“Leech.” He spits out. “I can smell it.”

My stomach dives to my toes. Perhaps Edward took it much too literally when he said that he would stick close.

“We’re leaving.” My friend’s arm winds around my shoulders, turning me back the way we came. “If it gets any closer, we’re running.” In a softer voice, so quiet that I can barely hear it, he mutters, “Why in the world are you such a danger magnet?”

“I am not a danger magnet.” I snap back, before realizing that he is sort of right. Even my blood sings for danger, according to Edward.

Edward.

What had I been thinking? I could never go back to him, not if he witnessed me kiss Jacob with the ring he had given me still displayed on my finger.

No wonder why he had decided to get close enough to have Jacob catch his scent.

I was such a horrible person.

“Yes, you are.” Jacob picks up the pace, his hand dropping from my shoulder to grab my wrist. “It’s familiar, though… almost like…” Then, he stops dead in his tracks. “Cullen! That mother-”

“Jacob, calm down. I’m sure that he won’t get too close.” I reassure him.

“I’m not taking any chances.” He tells me. “Rich that he’d show up right when-”

“Yes, it is rich of me, mutt.”

Edward’s smooth tone cut Jacob’s words off almost immediately.

When I stare at him in shock, he only smiles. “Hello, darling. I know that I told you that I would keep my distance, but I couldn’t… not when I heard him talking about me like that.”

Jacob and I’s conversation replays in my head.

“Edward… I’m sorry.”

One look at that perfect face, and I wish that I could take it all back. If I had one wish left, I would use it to lie in the meadow once more, beside the love of my life.

My head feels foggy. It’s as if my thoughts won’t work quite right- as if they’re being slowed by a sludge-filled stream.

Is this what Jacob meant when he said that Edward was horrible for me? Was this slowness that I had always felt in his presence a warning sign?

A warning sign for a predator.

“Don’t be, Bella. You don’t know what you’re doing. Just a fragile human in the midst of this supernatural chaos… it’s a miracle you’ve lasted as long as you have, running with the wolves.”

“At least we’re built to protect her, not hunt her, leech.” Jacob snarls. “And she’s not weak, either. She was strong enough to leave you.”

Edward frowns, and it’s as if his perfect mirage has flickered for a moment. “Strong enough. Sure. Let’s go with that.”

“Please don’t do this.” It doesn’t sound like a sob, like it was the first few times I asked them not to fight. It sounds like an order. A laughable one, coming from a human that has no authority over supernatural beings.

“I wish I didn’t have to.” Jacob mutters.

“You don’t have to. Jeez.” I laugh, which seems to be the worst possible thing for this particular scenario. “Have either you considered that I am the most average human? Nothing to shed blood over?”

“You’re irresistible.” Edward refutes in a pinched tone.

“Yeah, because you want to eat me.” I place my hands on my hips and lecture him as if he’s a naughty school child. Infantile, but it seems like politeness isn’t working. “I don’t know what I feel about you. I thought it was love, but if it was love, I would have walked down that aisle without a complaint.”

“You were just overcome with nerves.” Edward explains as though I’m the child in this scenario, not him. Nevermind the fact that I am technically older by almost two years.

“Yes! Exactly!” I point my finger right in his perfect face, a mere inch from his nose. “I had been for weeks! I was a mess without sleep! And you never noticed!” Ignoring Jacob’s hand on my shoulder, trying to pull me back, I keep going.

“You just came back again and again. No normal human wears winter pajamas in the beginning of summer. It was only for you, and I thought that I could bear it, but I wouldn’t have to if it was love.” I shrug, faking nonchalance even though I really just want to sink into my bed and have a long cry. “It wasn’t love. It was an obsession.”

“I love you, Bella.” Edward says softly, and the hurt in his perfect voice almost makes me want to take it all back.

No. He will never take me seriously if I don’t follow through with this.

“If you loved me, you would have stepped back.” I tell him. “You wouldn’t be here. You would be back in Forks, waiting for me to return on my own time.”

“I couldn’t. Even a minute away from you is too much-”

I study him critically. “I didn’t know that it was possible for a vampire to love a human. You just love the blood in my veins. It draws you.’

“If that is true, it is the most powerful draw I have ever experienced.” Edward vows, holding a hand to his heart as if he’s about to recite a pledge. “You seem to be my own brand of heroin.”

Once upon a time, I would have fallen head over heels for those words. I flew across the world for those words- to keep them alive, and to make sure that I could live without guilt.

“Haven’t you ever been told that drugs aren’t good for you?” I ask with the smallest smile that I can manage, stepping backwards.

For once in his hundred years, it seems as though my vampire is truly at a loss for words. “But-”

“With the next human you chase, make sure you treat her like her own person. Someone who could possibly love you back, and not someone who’s emotionally dependent on you.”

I thought that Edward and I could have a chance at our happily ever after. But I had forgotten that I was my own person, as if I had left my personality in Phoenix and hadn’t noticed until it was time for me to walk down the aisle in the backyard of a boy I had barely known for a year and a half.

“There will never be another.” Edward says sadly, looking at his feet. “The Volturi will make sure of that.”

“Threatening to kill yourself is emotional abuse.” I remind him, and he flinches.

“I have never abused-”

“You have.” I turn around and pull Jacob with me. “I told you to leave. You wouldn’t. Perhaps it’s because I gave you false hope, and that’s my mistake. I thought that you would give me time to work through my own thoughts, and I shouldn’t have expected that of a boy.”

“Bella, wait!”

I keep walking.

And I don’t stop.

******************

“I’m a horrible person.” I whisper, hugging my knees to my chest.

“You’re not.” Jacob reassures me, the bed creaking as he sits down, dressed in his old sweats. “He wasn’t going to listen to gentle words.”

“Maybe-”

“Bella, don’t change your mind. You want him to respect you, right? Well, the last way to do that is to take back the only ultimatum you’ve ever given him.”

“...You’re right.” I croak, tilting backwards so I can look up at the faded popcorn ceiling. “I need him to respect me.”

Glancing sadly down at my engagement ring, looking pitiful and dull as ever, I allow myself to flop over onto the bed. “I just wish-”

I can’t finish my sentence before Jacob rolls on top of me. Not the same way that he did back in the tent, but careful enough that the breath doesn’t get knocked out of my lungs.

He’s so warm.

He rests his head on my chest with a faint smile. “Shut up. Don’t convince yourself that you want to go back.”

My cheeks feel hot. Does he even realize-

I remember the look on his face when he was about to kiss me. Of course he does, he’s just going to be a pill about it.

Typical Jacob.

I wind my fingers through his hair, laughing when he sighs. “I’m not going to pet you. Calm down.”

“I know.” Jacob says morosely.

I set to work braiding small segments of his beautiful hair, appreciating how the wolf genes must have worked overtime on him. “Have you ever considered starring in a shampoo commercial?”

That gets a laugh out of him, the familiar Jacob chuckle that I had missed in the months that we spent apart. “I think you actually have to be an actor to do that, honey.”

“You should still totally go for it.” I decide, braiding three of the smaller braids into one big one.

“And you better not be giving me a horrible hairstyle.” Jacob tells me. By the way his eyes are closed and his brow is relaxed, I would be willing to bet that he doesn’t mind getting an awful style.

“I have free reign.” I giggle, fluffing the tufts that stick out over his ears. “You should grow it out again, so I have more real estate.”

“I’d look like one of those fluffy cats when I phased, so no.”

“Why not? You’d look cute.”

“Cute?” Jacob lifts his head, resting his chin on my chest so he can look me in the eyes. “I'm supposed to be scary, Bells.”

“You’re not scary at all.” I ruffle his hair, undoing some of the braids and making it stick up in the back.

“You have poor survival instincts. I highly doubt that you should be the judge.” He says, closing his eyes again.

“Oh, thanks.” I tilt my head. “Jacob, are you that tired?”

“No.” Jake yawns, and then laughs. “Maybe. But I’d rather talk to you.”

“Absolutely not.” I shook my head. “You’re the one doing real work. You need sleep. Silly conversations can wait.”

“I’d rather-”

“And I’d rather be a millionaire so we could travel the country and never worry about gas again.” I reach across him and turn the lamp off, plunging us into darkness. “Looks like neither of us will be getting what we want.”

There’s a beat of silence before he speaks again. “I can talk with the light off, too, you know.”

“Obviously. I just won’t answer.”

“You just did.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“Shut up.” I say. “And move over. I can’t sleep on my back.”

He rolls off of me, before grabbing me back the waist and pulling me up close to him. “Beter?”

“Yeah.” I ignore the rising heat along my nose and cheeks. Thank goodness for the darkness.

“Your heart is beating awful fast for falling asleep, Bells.” Jacob comments.

“Shut up.”

He laughs before falling silent. It doesn’t last long, though.

“Do you think that the festival will have free food?”

“Go to sleep, Jacob.”

Chapter Text

“Mom! Logan breathed on me again!’ Allie’s shrill voice sounds from behind the house.

Mrs. Miller sighs, pushing herself off of the ground. “I simply cannot wait until one of them can join their father and they’ll finally be separated.”

I laugh, taking Terri as she hands the baby to me. The child laughs gleefully, snagging a handful of my hair.

The woman had put Logan and Allie to work behind the house, pulling weeds from the gravel that surrounded the gutters. I had asked her if I should stay behind with them to supervise, but she just laughed me off.

“They’ve got to learn to be nice to each other at some point. And I’d rather not hear them argue in the meantime.”

Mrs. Miller dusts her knees off before marching behind the house, her light brown hair catching the sun as it falls free from its messy bun. “If I hear one more word out of you two-”

Her voice cuts off before I can hear her finish the threat.

“You’re lucky to be the youngest, aren’t you?” I ask Terri, ticking the sole of her bare foot. She shrieks with glee and nods, throwing her hands in the air.

Her wispy blonde hair is done up in two pigtails today, each tied with another color of rubber band. She wears overalls with a striped shirt that, unfortunately, reminds me of Chucky.

I set her on my lap as I continue to run my fingers through the dirt. The mud that gets caked beneath my fingernails, something that I would have cringed at a while ago. Now, it feels like a badge of honor, something tangible and real.

I still can’t believe that I told Edward to leave. That I told him that I was better off without him.

I still don’t know if I am.

I am, I have to remind myself over and over again. It’s just the effects of whatever he used to draw me in. Whatever made him… irresistible.

No wonder I acted the way I did when the Cullens left last year. It wasn’t love, it was a withdrawal.

“Whew.” Mrs. Miller came back into view, walking back around the side of the house. “I threatened to take away their festival rights. That should do it, I think.”

“Probably.” The two had spoken of the celebration with awe in their eyes the entire week and a half I had lived here.

“It’s going to be fun.” She smiles. “I would hate it if I had to stay behind because they decided to not behave, and they couldn’t go.”

“Yeah.” The other corner of the house is at least silent, for now anyways. I have a feeling that her threat may have worked.

The woman gasps, and my hands fly away from the dirt, scared that I’ve done something wrong with the replanting.

“Oh, Bella! Your ring!”

I glance down at my hand, at the ring that I had protected with my life the entire time that I’d had it, the ring that I had barely taken off to shower and sleep. “It’s alright.”

I pry it off of my finger and slip it into my back pocket. “It’s not worth much to me, anyhow.”

It’s only when Mrs. Miller’s mouth falls open that I remember that she believes it was Jacob that had given it to me, not an ex I had only gotten rid of last night.

Play it cool, play it cool.

“Erm… It was just costume jewelry.” I admit. “Neither of us have really made enough money to get a real ring. We were just waiting until we were a bit more stable, but Jacob insisted that I wear one.”

“Oh.” Understanding dawns in her eyes. “You should have said something! We could have gone into town to get you two some real rings… There are a few relatively cheap jewelers that still make excellent sets! It’s what my husband and I started out with.”

“It’s alright.” I dip my head as I pass Terri back to her mother. “Maybe we can find some tonight.”

Shopping for wedding rings? For Jacob and I?

That seems surreal. For a second, I forgot that it was fake, and that we aren’t really married.

He’s my best friend. I shouldn’t feel this way about him, or so I try to tell myself. There’s no denying what almost happened last night- what I thought was going to happen and what would have happened before Edward showed up.

I wasn’t planning on fighting against it, either. As I could recall, I was perfectly happy with letting it happen… I wanted it to happen, even.

Did I feel that way about Jacob?

I don’t know. I know that I love him, or loved him, or whatever way someone could phrase it. I just knew that I couldn’t live without Edward.

But I had told Edward to leave. That meant that I could love Jacob, right?

Maybe not. I didn't know if I was ready for anything beyond friendship, at least not yet. As much as I realized that Edward hadn’t been the right choice for me, he had still impacted me deeply.

“That sounds amazing!” Mrs. Miller grins. “I do love shopping for such things. I haven’t had an opportunity for quite some time, because wearing jewelry is rather impractical on the farm…” She reaches below the neckline of her shirt to pull out a golden chain with a ring dangling from it. “This is the only thing that I usually wear.”

I inspect the silver ring threaded along the golden chain and smile. “It’s beautiful.”

The stone is small, something that Renee would have pointed out to me as a red flag, that I should never go after a man who couldn’t afford a massive diamond. The band is weathered, and along the inside there’s a divot where a finger has worn through it, but it’s perfect.

“I know.” The woman sighs. “He asked me a few years ago if I wanted an upgrade, but I could never! This just has too many memories.”

I nod, placing my hands in my lap. “I would imagine.”

Memories. That was something that I planned to make.

******************

“Colton Oliver, if I see you come in my house one more time with those horrid shoes,-” Mrs. Miller shakes a wooden spoon in the boy’s direction with a scowl.

“Sorry, Ma’am.” The dark-haired boy drawls, before returning to the mudroom to remove his dirty work boots.

He’s the first of Liam’s friends to join us for a week, since officially starting yesterday. Colton seems nice, if a bit too relaxed.

He took his work boots inside yesterday, too. Mrs. Miller made him take a towel and mop up every single one of the dirty marks that he had left.

“Do you need a ride to the festival?” Mr. Miller asks from over the top of his newspaper segment. “We may have enough room for one more.”

Just as his wife shoots him a disgusted look, the boy shakes his head. “Naw. Thank you, though.”

I fill my plate quickly and take my seat next to Jacob, resting my hands on the table so the Millers can pray before we eat.

After the brief words are said and everyone else begins to dig in, Jacob rests his hand over mine, tapping on my ring finger with a confused look.

I try to mouth that I’ll tell him later, but Mrs. Miller speaks before I can.

“She told me that you two didn’t have real rings yet. I figured that you may like to look around the town while we’re there, and find a set.”

He looks confused for a second, before realization dawns. “Oh. Right. Of course. Thank you.”

“No problem.” The woman smiles at the two of us before demolishing a spoonful of mashed potatoes, and turning to attempt to feed Terri.

“You should take Anna with you.” Liam remarks, with chicken all but falling out of his mouth as he talks. “She totally wants a ring for-”

“Liam!” The girl shrieks, slamming her hands down on the table. “Stop!”

The boy shrugs as his father frowns at him. “Stop tormenting your sister. And, don't talk with your mouth full.”

Colton looks between the three with a slightly concerned look.

“I’m gonna show you the trucks.” Logan whispers across the table to Jacob, who nods with a smile, clearly holding back a laugh at the little boy’s seriousness.

“I don’t know if we’re going to get to spend time together, Bells.” He remarks to me. “It sounds like the trucks are pretty serious.”

“Sounds like it.” I tease with a grin. “Rings can wait when there’s trucks to see.”

Jake’s face freezes for a second, as if he’s forgotten that we already had the conversation about the rings, before resuming conversation. “Totally.”

In my opinion, the rings couldn’t wait for much, no matter what cute little boys said.

****************

“As much as I love the family, I am incredibly glad that we’re driving separately.” Jacob remarks as we watch the Millers try to wrangle their kids into the silver van that sits in the driveway. We’re parked beside them, so we can follow them into town.

I nod, examining the multitude of national park stickers that cover the side windows. It looks like Mrs. and Mr. Miller visited about every landmark in the country before they settled down in this country.

The dress that Mrs. Miller gave me is wrapped around my body, although it looks odd paired with the light blue Walmart sneakers. However, my only other option was my wedding heels, and as comfortable as I forced Alice to make them, they’re still not made for wandering around on small-town roads.

And, thus, comfort took precedence over fashion.

“Have I told you that you look beautiful yet?” Jacob asks me, and I tear my eyes away from the multitude of stickers.

“Only a few times.”

It had been the very first thing that he had told me when I walked out of our bedroom dressed in what was quite possibly the prettiest thing I had ever worn, ever better than my wedding dress, in my opinion.

The style was just the way I liked it, without all of the ruffles and the buttons that required a second set of hands to get undone. Plus, the color was a perfect shade of buttercream white, the one color that made me look somewhat colored in comparison.

For once in my life, I felt pretty and comfortable in what I was wearing.

“Have I told you that you look handsome?” I respond, flashing him a sideways smile.

He donned the same thing he wore for the wedding, just without the tie and suitcoat. Jeans and a white-colored shirt with a black vest that he had fastened wrong until I fixed it. I hadn’t realized that the jeans had truly looked odd with the outfit until I saw it a second time, but it was alright. It looked like something Jacob would wear, and I loved it.

Jacob had changed his dress shoes for sneakers the same way that I had, and when he saw my footwear, he had delightfully exclaimed ‘Twins!’

“Only a few times.” He smirks, and it feels like the air has gone still around us.

I’m almost about to lean in, when Mr. Miller honks the horn.

We jump apart, and I look up to see Mrs. Miller laughing and her husband waving us forward, as if he doesn’t have enough time in the world.

I suppose, if the families truly do leave at nine, and it’s a half-hour drive into town, that does only give them two and half hours. That seems like a remarkably short time for a festival visit, but I bet that the little ones don’t think that.

According to Liam, the festival started at noon, but the actual townspeople don’t arrive until after dinner. Before that, it’s all for tourists.

It makes me a little sad that we couldn’t see that, too.

I wanted to make memories with Jacob, and that even includes the stupid touristy ones.

Chapter Text

“Bella, don’t flip her off-” Jacob pleads, giving me a concerned sideways look.

“Why not? She cut us off!” I cross my arms and glare out the window at the little blue car that has just committed, in my mind, an awful road sin. “She could clearly see that we were about to turn! And now we’re way behind the Millers!”

The sleepy little town that we had driven through the week prior had completely transformed itself. All of the highways were completely jammed- absolutely unprepared for the amount of traffic that had slammed them.

“I think that we’ll still be able to find the festival just fine.” He shakes his head with a sigh. “You’re not even the one driving. If anyone should be road-raging, it’s me.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not at risk for exploding into a massive fluffy animal when I get mad, Jacob. I can afford to be angry.”

“I am not… fluffy.”

“Yes, you are.”

Road raging is especially fun when there’s no chance for me to screw up driving due to being blinded with anger. Plus, it makes me feel alive.

Now that I think about it, maybe I should find a different outlet.

“It should not be taking almost an hour to get across this place!” I exclaim, falling back against my seat with my hands thrown high.

Jacob laughs, so I wave a disappointed finger in his face. “It's not funny!”

“It’s not.” He agrees with a half-smile, giving me yet another sideways glance. “But you are.”

“Road rage?” I ask, arching one of my brows. “That’s what you find funny? You may need to reevaluate your sense of humor, Black.”

“I laugh at horror movies, Bells. We already agreed that my humor was awful a long time ago.” Jacob points out with a shrug.

“Fair enough.” I adjust my posture, sitting straight against the seats of Rabbit.

“I made a rule for myself, anyhow.” He continues. “I won't road rage unless the car is cooler than mine.”

“Let me guess: nothing’s cooler than the Rabbit?”

Jacob sends me a finger-gun, making a clicking noise with his tongue. “Bingo.”

“Whatever works, I guess.”

We’ve finally gotten somewhat close to the center of the town, where the festival is. Signs mark the way, with arrows planted in the middle of flowers that read ‘Festival of Roses- This Way’.

“Festival of Roses?” Jacob remarks, pulling into a parking lot that somewhat miraculously has a few empty spots. “That’s cliche.”

“I think it’s cute.” I argue, unbuckling my seatbelt and searching the parking lots for a gray van with too many stickers. I don’t know if there’s any chance that we’ll find the Millers in this chaos, but we may as well try.

“Of course you do. You’re a girl.” He scoffs, switching the engine off and hopping out of the car.

“Careful, Jacob.” I warn, shooting a look through the window as I open my own door.

My friend shrugs with a mischievous smile.

I roll my eyes and meet him near the truck, and we join the dozens of other couples and families making their way to the main event. There are signs just like the one that I saw all around, steering us in the right direction, and the sidewalk is littered with various flower petals that have fallen out of the planters.

Jacob leans down and plucks a single yellow flower from one of the signs, and I grab his arm. “I don’t think that you’re supposed to do that.”

He glances down at the planter and shrugs. “Probably not. For you, my lady.”

“Oh, how thoughtful. Theft.” I can’t help but smile as he tucks the yellow blossom in my hair, just above my ear.

“Only the best for you, Bells.”

Our hands find each other as we walk, even though I have to bend my arm slightly to reach his. “Why do you have to be so tall?”

“Dunno. It’s good for seeing above the crowd though.” Jacob cranes his neck as an example, peeking over the heads of all the regularly-sized peasants. “Oh! Food!”

“We just ate.” I point out as he pulls me towards the stand.

“But there’s funnel cakes. You can’t go to one of these and not get a funnel cake, honey.” His smile grows as we get closer. “And there’s no line right now!”

I shake my head in exasperation, but I still can’t help my grin. “Fine. Just don’t blame me if you kneel over from sugar.”

“I’ll die happy.” Jacob informs me, before asking the woman manning the counter for two funnel cakes.

“I don’t need one.” I tell him as he rummages for some cash.

“I know. I need two, though.”

****************

We’re not allowed to go into any of the stores with food, so we sit on the curb as Jacob polishes off almost two entire funnel cakes. I couldn’t resist just a small portion, even though it still felt like too much sugar after a week of eating farm fresh.

The Festival of Roses isn’t anything special, as far as I can tell. It seems like every other ‘festival’ I’d ever been to in Phoenix, with junk food and fried butter, and small vendors lined up along every block, selling anything and everything handmade. The only thing that sets it apart is the large amount of flowers- and the comic-looking ‘romantic’ experiences lined up at every corner.

It seems as though they really leaned into the whole romance novel theme.

“Ready to look for rings?” Jake asks me as he carefully stacks the two empty paper plates and throws them to a nearby garbage can, pumping his fist when they land perfectly inside.

I suppose that I can’t really be making fun of the romance thing when I’m here to shop for wedding rings.

“Sure.” I scan the crowd, trying to catch a glimpse of the unreasonably blonde Millers, but they’re nowhere in sight. “We’ll have to just look around for the shop that Mrs. Miller was talking about.”

It doesn’t take long, because there’s only one permanent jewelry shop on the small street. The weathered sign reads ‘Annie’s Gold’, with flowers set outside the door, just like every other business on the street.

There are a few other people inside, all looking comically touristy with their straw hats and matching pink t-shirts that say ‘Festival of Roses’ with flowers as the o.

When I approach the counter, there’s an older man working it, with a pair of horned glasses perched on the tip of his nose and a book in his hands.

“How can I help you?” He asks, looking at me in a way that suggests that he’s done with the tourist rush already.

“Do you have any wedding sets? Or just rings in general?” I ask, ignoring the blush in my cheeks.

The ring that I had been wearing is on the dresser in Jacob and I’s bedroom, still covered in dirt from the garden. I figured that if I ignored it long enough, it would eventually go away- just like all of my memories of pale, beautiful people from the last two years.

Nope. I refuse to think of Edward when I’m trying to act happy with Jacob.

That gets his attention. The old man’s eyes soften, and he smiles. “Yes. I think that I do.”

He sets his book down on the counter and slides off of his stool with a groan, fumbling to push his glasses higher up on his nose. As he moves, I can see the name tag that was previously hidden- a weathered card that reads ‘Earl’ in fancy calligraphy.

Earl moves slowly down the counter, getting to the end of it before hauling out a large wooden box. “Usually, I keep all the rings up on the counter, but I don’t trust these tourists.” He shoots a pointed look at the pink t-shirt people, who are laughing over something, with drinks that probably have something stronger than beer in their hands.

I nod politely as Jacob rejoins me, having gotten distracted by a set of vintage license plates when we first walked in.

Earl opens the box and backs away to grab his stool and drag it down to the other end of the counter. “Is there anything specific that you two are looking for?”

“Just rings. Something cost-effective and long-wearing.” I smile slightly. “The couple that we work for recommended you.”

“Who?” He asks as Jacob bends down to examine the rings.

“The Millers.” I tell him, running my fingers across one of the gems. It belongs to a band that is faintly green with age, and the stone is clearly much larger than either of us can afford.

“Ah.” The old man nods. “I had heard that they’d had a new couple as farm hands- my grandson just started a day or two ago.”

“Colton?”

“That’s the one.” Earl smiles. “My Annie used to love to visit the farm. She thought the woods were some of the prettiest she’d ever seen, and I’d always ask her why ours weren’t good enough.”

I nod, picking up a ring that doesn’t have a stone, but a rose made of golden-like metal. It’s pretty, and the flower is small enough that I somehow don’t think that it’s gaudy.

“That one was brought in by a woman on vacation. She’d lost her card and needed a way to get enough cash to get home.” Earl notes, adjusting his glasses as he leans forward to examine the ring that I hold. “It’s an antique. I have a few others from the collection in the back.”

“It’s cool.” Jacob observes.

“Yes it is, son. Would you like me to go get the others?” He shoots a glance at the glass-toting tourists, who still haven’t left. “Would you mind keeping an eye on them while I go and get the rings?”

“No problem.” I smile awkwardly, as Earl surely said that loud enough that they’d be able to hear it.

Apparently not. The tourists continue taking pictures on a disposable camera, oblivious to anything else going on around them.

The old man’s only gone for a minute or two, before he comes hobbling back out of the back room with another wooden box, this one smaller than the first. “These aren’t usually for sale. Annie loved to collect them when they came in, and I just couldn’t bear to sell them when it brought her so much joy.” He looks between Jacob and I with a solemn gaze. “I’d be willing to let them go to the right people, though.”

We both nod as he opens the box.

There are at least four other rings with various flowers on them, and a large collection of bands in the same colors. Their beauty makes my breath catch in my throat, and I can certainly see why Annie collected them.

Earl shuffles off towards the tourists, who have apparently crossed the line by posing with a few of the welded metal frogs that stand guard by the door.

“Look, Bells!” Jacob says excitedly, holding one of the flower rings up for me to see. “It’s a daisy!”

“Yeah.” I take it from him, halfway scared that his large fingers will slip and drop the jewelry, and look it over with a smile. “It’s pretty. I like it.”

“Try it on.” He urges, so I do, sliding it onto the finger that had felt bare all day.

It’s thicker than most of the bands that I usually wear- which I like, for some reason. It feels sturdy, in a delicate way.

A metal flower. I’m sure that there’s some poet out there in the world that could make a metaphor about that.

“That’s the one.” Jacob whispers, right in my ear. It’s kind of adorable how excited he is about this whole thing.

“Do you need my opinion at all?” I ask, giving him a sideways smile.

“Oh. Right. Do you like it?”

“I love it.”

Jacob gives me a bemused look, before sorting through the various bands made of the same metal of the flowers. “Here we go.”

The ring that he holds doesn’t have daisies on it, rather, what I assume are marigolds, stamped into the band, woven around two lines carved into the metal.

“I just hope they aren’t too expensive.” I whisper to him. “Don’t get your hopes up just yet.”

“If you love them, I’ll pay anything.” Jake vows.

I roll my eyes. “Calm down, Romeo.”

“Have you found the winners yet?” Earl asks as he wanders back over to our side of the counter. The tourists are gone, leaving only a few straw wrappers in their wake.

“These.” Jacob carefully slips the daisy ring off of my finger. “How much are they?”

The old man shrugs. “They’re not worth much. Some collection made once that no one knows about- it’s just the sentimental value. But, I think that Annie would be alright with you two giving them a new home. Why…” He laughs to himself, readjusting his glasses as he gives the two rings and once-over. “She’d probably get after me for hoarding them. I’ll say one hundred and fifty. Does that work for you?”

“Yes, sir.” Jacob nods and digs out his wallet, handing over three fifties.

“Thank you, son.” Earl’s wrinkled eyes seem to sparkle as he puts the money away in the cash register. “Would you like a ring box?”

“Nope. We’ll wear them out.”

“Alright, then.” He hands us the jewelry, and smiles as Jacobs slides mine onto my ring finger. “Tell the Millers that I said hello.”

“I will.” I promise.

Wow. Rings.

Rings.

With Jacob.

It doesn’t seem real. I can hardly wrap my head around it, and even though I know that they’re fake, it doesn’t seem like they are.

I try to tell myself that it’s absurd as we wave good-bye to Earl and step back outside into the festival chaos. We’re not even really dating. We’re just friends.

Really, really good friends.

But just friends. Nothing more.

Nothing at all.

Chapter Text

Rose petals drifted down the street, tossed by a few teenage boys on the rooftops. The night had just started to wind down for some… and pick up for others.

We never found the Millers. Jacob assumed that they had just gone home, as it was nearing nine, and there was no way that the youngest kids had behaved the entire time.

The only people still out and about were teenagers and a few parent-age couples, lingering by the drinking booths. Most of the crowd was made up by people between the ages of twenty and thirty, the ages that Jacob and I were supposed to be.

“Should I go and get us some beer?” Jake wonders, drumming his fingers on his knees.

I shoot him a dirty look. “Neither of us are old enough to drink.”

“Do you really think that they’re going to stop me?” He asks with a smirk, casting a longing glance at the booths. “You could pass for old enough, too. I don’t really think that they’re checking I.D’s.”

As he told me that, a few kids who looked about sixteen snuck up to the table and took from the tray of free junk beer.

“I think you’re right. But that still doesn’t make it okay.” I frown, watching the delinquents. “That could harm their brains.”

“Bells, do you want to drink?” Jacob leans over, his hair falling from behind his ears to in front of his face. I’m sure that he means to look older and intimidating, but it really only looks goofy.

“I mean…”

The last time that I had had a beer was with Charlie a week before the wedding, when we were sitting by the T.V. and watching the Mariners. It had been my truce flag, knowing that he would have never chosen Edward for me. It hadn’t tasted all that great, but the slight buzz was definitely worth it.

“Is that a yes?”

“Jacob, you’re going to be driving.” I point out.

“I’ll only have one.” He swears. “If you feel uncomfortable, we can just sleep in the Rabbit and go home in the morning.”

I give him a lingering look, and shrug. A beer did sound like the perfect thing for the mood, and it would certainly take more than one to take down Jacob. “Fine.”

Jake grins, vaulting off of the bench and narrowly avoiding a couple walking with their heads on each other’s shoulders.

I stare at their retreating backs as my friend goes to get beer. How is that even comfortable? Or possible?

People sure did strange things for love.

Well, considering the fact that I almost killed myself over it several times, their odd way of walking wasn’t all that terrible.

“Here you go.” Jacob returns faster than I thought he would. “I was right. They took one look at me and decided that I didn’t need to be I.D’d.”

“Awesome.” I take the can from him and take a sip, squeezing my eyes at the initial taste. The buzz would be worth it, I tried to tell myself.

My friend chugs his in one gulp and smacks the can on his leg, flattening it.

I wrinkle my nose at him as I continue to take small sips. “Heathen.”

Jacob shrugs with a smile, before tossing the can across the street to the garbage can, whooping when it makes it. “Did you see that?”

“Yes, I saw that.” I smile at him, shaking my head at the sheer ridiculousness. “Very impressive.”

He laughs, his hands shaky on his legs.

“Do you wanna get up and walk around again?” I ask, arching an eyebrow at his twitchyness.

Jacob nods. “Yeah.”

So we do, meandering around the square and making gentle fun of the couples sitting on the benches, passionately devouring each other’s faces.

“How is that physically possible?” Jake whispers in disbelief at two teenagers that seem to be attached by the tongue.

I shrug, pulling him away. This game is getting less fun as it goes on- talking to Jacob about kissing makes my face get hot and my legs get twitchy.

Every single time I close my eyes, I can still see the way he looked at me back in the woods, before Edward interrupted. He looked as though he was about to show me exactly why those teenagers were so close- and why they didn’t care about anyone else walking past.

“I dunno.” I shrug.

Edward’s kisses had never been good. I had told myself that they were, simply to preserve my own sanity, but in hindsight they were awful. He couldn't open his mouth, obviously, lest I consume venom and turn, so I was left to uncomfortably make out with a statue that would occasionally hug me in return.

I wonder if Jacob is a good kisser. I had only been kissed by him twice before- and both times I had been too consumed by fury to truly appreciate it.

I had to look away from my friend, unable to keep the blush from creeping up on my cheeks.

He was nothing more than a friend. I shouldn’t be thinking this about him.

Just a friend that I was kind of married to, and had saved me from becoming a walking corpse.

Nothing more.

“You wanna dance?”

I blink, looking up at Jacob with a frown.

Indeed, there was a band starting up in the corner, the lone fiddle joined with other stringed instruments that I couldn't name, and a large section of the street had been cleared of tents. The ground was still littered with rose petals, and the only two couples out there right now were both over the age of forty.

“Can you dance?” I question him, crossing my arms across my chest.

I could remember a rather embarrassing prom in which neither of us knew how to dance.

The corner of his mouth quirked up. “Nope. Can you?”

“Not at all.” I risk another glance at the ‘dance floor’, where the two couples have been joined by a couple of teenagers awkwardly swaying beneath the lamplight.

“So?’ He holds his hand out to me, the one that has the band around his ring finger.

“Of course. Let’s go.”

Jacob led me onto the dance floor, and I couldn’t help but laugh at his goofy smile. He smiles in return and gives me a spin, sending my skirt billowing out around my ankles.

The song is a fast one, and a few of the couples around us are engaged in swing dancing, while groups of friends jump around and spin each other in circles.

Jacob and I make it up as we go along, completing some sort of dance that’s halfway between the swing and the jumping around. Several times, he attempts moves that the older couples pull off flawlessly and tangles our arms together, leading to plenty of giggles as we try to get free.

The lamplight hits his face at the perfect angle, and I can count every single one of his long eyelashes. The irises beneath them look more brown than black now, flickering with bits of orange that dance off of the lanterns.

“This is fun!” I tell him breathlessly as he attempts to spin me yet again. The dance floor has drawn an incredibly large crowd by now, and we’re not the only ones who don’t know what they’re doing.

Several of the other couples just jump around and away together awkwardly, including one duo that is slow-dancing, despite the fast song.

“I knew it would be.” Jacob grins. “This is the most you’ve smiled in a long time.”

I can feel a faint bit of heat rising on my cheeks, and I duck my head. “I’m having fun.”

“It’s beautiful.” He says softly. “You look so alive.”

Alive.

I detested that word only a month ago. I thought that it had made me worth so much less than the beings that I had surrounded myself with- certain that I would finally feel complete when that awful quality didn’t apply to me anymore.

I didn’t realize that being alive could be so happy.

“Thanks?” I say with an awkward grin. “I think?”

“You’re welcome. It’s a compliment, by the way.” He looks down at the rose-littered ground beneath us. “I didn’t think that I would ever see you like this again. It’s the only reason that I came back when I did. I thought that the wedding had been a week prior, and that you were already gone. I wouldn’t have to see you and him, because you were already away.”

“Oh.”

That explained how surprised he had been to see me in general, and still alive.

“I’m glad you came back.” I tell him, and I truly mean it. I had wondered during the morning of the wedding if I felt confused because Jacob had come back, and, for a brief, horrible second, I wished that he hadn’t.

“So am I.” He smiles, and takes my hip as the band switches to a slow song. “These have been the best weeks of my life since I was seven and my dad started taking me fishing every day.”

“I’m so glad that I’m compared to a scaly reptile.” I tease him, raising my free hand to his shoulder.

“You’re still better than fish.” Jacob retorts, a mischievous smile parting his lips.

“I’m so flattered.” I deadpan, quirking my eyebrow.

“As you should be.”

This feels almost like the night of prom.

Jacob and I swaying together, neither of us about to move because neither of us knows what we’re doing. Only, there’s about a foot more of a height difference and it feels much more natural.

No terrible vampires to warn me of this time, I suppose.

The dull drone of all the other voices fade out, and all I can hear is Jacob’s heart beating against my ear, from where I rest my head on his chest.

“Bells?”

“Hmm?”

His hand falls from my hip to my back, and I am simultaneously regretting and loving the plunged backline that allows his hand to rest directly on my bare skin. “Are we still just friends?”

I take a moment to think, trying to reason through the haze of the feeling of his hand on my bare skin.

Are we?

It seems like we do a lot of things that friends don’t.

“I don’t know.” I answer, my voice barely a whisper. “I don’t know what we are.”

“Well…” Jacob’s voice is tentative, a rumble against my ear. “If it would be alright with you, could we be… more?”

It seems like time has slowed, and the band has stopped their music. I can’t hear anything besides our heartbeats and that fateful question lingering in the air.

“I…” I drop off, moving my head from his chest to look up at him. “I want to. I want to be more than just friends, but I don’t know if I can.”

He nods, but I can hear the breath he releases. “That’s alright. I figured that it was a little soon-”

“No, no.” I rush to talk over him. “That’s not it. We’ve known each other for years… it’s just… I don’t know. It seems sort of disrespectful to Edward, doesn’t it? Not even a month ago, we were engaged, and I would feel like a terrible person if I said yes to you.”

Jacob snorts, and he shakes his head. “Bella, he all but manipulated you into marrying him.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t have a moral compass!” I protest.

It is kind of ridiculous, I will allow that. My ex’ feelings about a current relationship shouldn’t define it.

It’s my life, after all.

“Alright.” Jake says slowly. “I’ll wait until you’re not worried about hurting Edward’s feelings.”

I smack his chest, ignoring his slight chuckle. “Don’t put it like that!”

“Bella, do I make you happy?”

“Yes, but-”

“Do you like me?”

“Yes, but-”

“Do you love me?” He asks, his eyes wide with emotion.

“Yes.” I allow myself to say. “I do.”

“Then what’s stopping you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Bella.” Jacob shakes his head, pausing our dance to cup my head in both of his hands. “You are driving me crazy.”

“I am?” I say, my heart fluttering in my chest. I’m sure I’m blushing worse than I ever have, but, for some reason, I don’t really care.

“Yes! We sleep in the same bed, we hold hands, we act married in front of the Millers, and yet I’m not allowed to kiss you? I’m not allowed to make you feel the same things that he did?” Jacob drops one of his hands to my neck, tilting my chin up towards him. “You’re too beautiful for this kind of nonsense.”

For once, I’m speechless.

“Jacob-”

“Can I kiss you, Bells? Please?” He all but begs. “I would give anything to taste your lips on mine again.”

“Even your portion of Mrs. Miller’s dill casserole?”

He hesitates with a joking smile. “Well-”

I take the opportunity to stand on my tiptoes and plant my lips on his, before I can overthink it and ruin everything.

I refuse to ruin this.

Chapter Text

Jacob’s eyes widen for only a second, as his hand tightens on my waist and his lips are still with surprise.

And then his other hand finds my jaw and tilts my chin, and I swear that I can see every single reason why those teenagers looked as though they could only be separated surgically.

I want to be that close to him- my Jacob. I needed him, and I needed the feeling of his lips on mine now-

“Bella,” He rasps, our lips parting for an unbearable second. “Are you sure?”

I can’t find the words to say yes, so I just push myself against him again, and ignore the few complaints as dancing people bump into us. I could care less about their mild inconvenience right now.

His hand moves from my chin to my neck, and the sensitive skin tingles, begging for his touch.

I tangle my fingers in his gorgeous hair, pulling it just the way I did in the meadow, only with the passion that Jacob had imagined.

He didn’t have to imagine it now.

“Hey, move it off the dance floor!” A voice cuts through the daydream, and Jacob breaks the kiss as we both stare at a man in his mid-thirties wearing an unflattering pair of khaki shorts. “There are kids here!”

Jacob rolls his eyes and disentangles himself from me, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from the dance floor.

Already, my lips and body crave that touch again. Kissing Jacob was nothing like kissing Edward, and I had begun to realize why Jessica would go on and on about whether or whether not her dates would give her tongue or not.

“Do you want to stay here?” Jake asks in a low voice. When I glance up, I can see the wild look in his eyes, eyes that wander over my body.

Damn, it’s hot.

“Do you?” I ask, trying to look the most sultry that I can. I had never had a reason to act like this with Edward, since he had asked me not to tempt him with things he could not have.

But Jacob could have them. He could have them all, as far as I was concerned.

“Nope.”

And we’re on the run (well, fast-walk) again, dodging people in the middle of the sidewalk, trying to find the Rabbit among the dimly lit parking lots.

“Jacob, slow down.” I complain, having to jog to keep up with his long strides. The skirt whips around my ankles, making it hard to walk.

“Sorry.” He slows, taking ridiculously tiny steps.

“Well, not that much.” I say with a slight smile.

Jacob rolls his eyes and turns slightly, scooping me up in his arms. I yelp with surprise, and he gives me a mischievous look. “What? It’s the perfect solution!”

I pause to think of the right comeback to that, but I can’t seem to think of any. I hadn’t realized that the night air was a bit chilly until I was against Jacob’s warm chest.

“Jeez, you’re cold, Bells.” He complains, but he only holds me closer.

“I know.” I cross my arms over the chest. “This is embarrassing, Jacob. Put me down.”

Jake gives me a sideways glance. “Would you rather be on my shoulders?”

“No!” I say with alarm. “That’s worse!”

He laughs, tilting his head back. “Then you’re stuck here.”

“I can walk, you know.” I point out, wriggling fruitlessly against his strong grip.

“I know that you can.” Jacob arches an eyebrow, looking down at me. “But I don’t have to look down nearly as far when you’re in my arms. You and your shortness give me back aches, Bells.”

“That sounds like a you problem. I’m not the freak here.” I poke at his chest with a grin.

“Hey! I’m not a freak!” He protests, his hands tightening around my thigh and shoulders. ‘

I tilt my head, sending him a look, and Jacob dejectedly nods. “Yeah, I know.”

The Rabbit is right where we left it, and Jake crosses to my side first, opening the door with one hand while setting me down with the other. It’s kind of flattering, being able to be moved and tossed around like I don’t weigh anymore than a singular feather.

I lean against the door by accident, shutting it. “Oh. Whoops.”

Looking back up at Jacob, he shakes his head. “Bella, you can't do that.”

“Do what?” I ask innocently, knowing full well what he means.

“Look at me like that. You can’t do that if we’re ever going to get home.” Jacob casts a glance at my lips again.

“Oh, well.” I shrug, dropping my purse on the ground and propping my elbows on top of the Rabbit. “I guess that we won’t be getting home.”

That’s all it takes for him to be on me again, both hands on either side of my head, and then on my hips and shoulders. I shiver at his touch, and he laughs against my mouth. “Bells, I’m supposed to be hot, not cold.”

“Don’t worry. You’re plenty hot.” I murmur, before my lips are reclaimed.

Jacob tenses at every place my fingers touch, from teasing the hemline of his shirt to running then along the base of his wolf-given abs. His breathing is just as ragged as mine, something that turns me on immensely. Edward had never betrayed any sense that he was enjoying our kissing, too afraid to accidently slip and bite me.

I’m bent over the Rabbit in a way that I know will make my back sore later, and Jacob’s elbow is propped up on top of the roof. I’m a little worried, based on the way he acts like he’s holding the majority of his strength back, that he’ll accidently put a dent in the roof of the vehicle and regret every moment we’ve spent like this.

He nibbles on my lower lip, eliciting a gasp from me.

“Tell me,” Jacob whispers, his voice so low that I can barely hear it. “Did Cullen ever make you sound like that?”

I can’t think of a time that he did.

“No.”

Jake laughs, a rumble against my chest. “Good.”

A few moments later, I have to break away. “Jacob, we need to stop.”

“Why?” He pulls away, and I can swear that he looks wounded.

“Because I refuse to go any further in the parking lot of a strange town.” I tell him with a regretful smile.

Jacob sighs, pushing himself off of me. “Fine.” With another glance down the beautiful white dress, he bites his lip. “Just don’t look at me on the drive back, otherwise there may be an accident or two.”

I laugh, pointing him back to the driver's side. “Get over there.”

******************

It’s a long drive, seemingly twice as long as it was on the way there, despite the lack of major traffic. Jacob keeps stealing glances at me, and he holds my hand fast, resting on the console as he drives one-handed.

None of the lights are on at the Miller’s house, so we drive right past, down the farmhand’s place.

Our house.

Jake doesn’t bother to lock the Rabbit, sweeping me off of my feet before I can reach the door. I make a noise of glee, and he plants a kiss on my collarbone.

We hadn’t left the door locked, so it opens easily.

Jacob just about crosses over the threshold still with his shoes on, and I tap his shoulder and point to his feet. “Do not make me vacuum twice today, sir.”

He rolls his eyes and kicks his shoes off as I lean forward to quickly undo the laces of mine. “Women.”

“Misogyny doesn’t get you kisses.” I remind him with a smile and a sweet voice.

He gives me a look more intense than anything I’ve ever seen on screen. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

We wind up in bed fully clothed, not a pajama in sight. Normally, I would frown at that as well, but I think that I can make an exception for tonight.

Jacob’s arms rest on either side of my head, pinning me to the bed as he tastes every inch of the skin on my neck. It makes me let out sounds I hadn’t known I could make, and every single one of them seems to drive Jake closer and closer to the edge.

The clothes between us seem like an awful barrier, all of a sudden.

“Move.” I whisper, tapping him on the shoulder, and as he sits up with a confused expression, I tear off my belt and gather the dress by the skirt, swiping the whole thing over my head.

“Bells-” Jacob’s voice cracks as he makes an effort not to glance down at my now mostly bare body. “You don’t need to-”

“I want to.” I tell him. “I was too hot.”

Sometime in the frenzy, his shirt comes off as well, and I get to appreciate every single one of his wolf-given muscles, especially the firm upper arms that pin me in place.

“Honey if you don’t want to… we should stop.” Jacob admits, forcing himself away from my lips. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold myself back if we go any further.”

I pause, blinking to clear the Jacob-induced haze from my eyes. “Oh. Right.”

He lowers himself down, pressing most of his weight on me, resting his head on my chest. “Thank you.”

It’s so soft, I can barely convince myself that I’ve heard it. “For what? If anything, I should be thanking you, Jake.”

“That was the best-” He pauses. “Best thing I’ve ever done. I can’t believe that I got a ring and a kiss from you in one day, Bella. It feels like a dream.”

“Oh.” I study his closed eyes, a faint blush reaching my cheeks when I realize that the only thing that separates him from my breasts is a flimsy Walmart bra. “It was pretty great for me, too.”

“I’m glad.” Jacob murmurs. It sounds like he’s almost asleep, for goodness sakes. “Have I ever told you how sorry I was?”

“Sorry? For what?” The only memories that came to the surface were good ones.

“For hurting you. When I kissed you before.”

Oh. The meadow, and the time I broke my hand.

“It’s alright.” I said gently. “I just didn’t know what I was missing.”

“No, Bells. It wasn’t ‘alright’.” A small furrow forms between his brows, something that I wish I could lean down and just wipe away. “I knew that I was hurting you, and I did it anyway. I was selfish, and it broke me to take something from you like that- like I was stabbing myself over and over.”

“It’s-” I go to reassure him again, but he cuts me off.

“No, it’s not. I know it’s not alright, but can you at least forgive me?” His eyes open ever so slightly, and I can see the begging, black pupils just below his eyelashes.

“Of course, Jake.” I tell him again. “I forgave you a long time ago. It’s hard to stay mad at you, especially when I knew how much you were going through.”

“Okay.” He smiles slightly, before falling silent for so long that I begin to think that he’s actually gone to sleep.

“I knew the moment I saw you, you know.”

“Hmm?” I ask, my own eyelids starting to drift close.

“That you were meant for me, and that I was meant for you. I knew that we were going to end up entangled no matter what we did.”

“Back on the beach?” I wonder. “When you told me the legends?”

“Ha!” He barks a small laugh. “No, not then. When I saw you in the meadow, hiking, When you learned about the wolves.”

“Oh. That’s an odd time.”

“I know, right?” Jacob smiles against my chest. “But I just knew.”

Chapter Text

When I open my eyes, the sun isn’t even up yet. Surprising, considering how late I have been sleeping.

Sometime during the night, Jacob and I shifted, and I’m now partially on top of him, my arms curled beneath my body, with his hand loosely draped around my waist. He looks so peaceful, with his eyelashes sweeping against his flushed cheeks and the slight smile curving his lips.

My heart rate increases just by looking at him, and I fumble to calm myself down, knowing full well that his sensitive ears will pick up any change of sound.

Luckily, Jacob only twitches slightly, and I can breathe easy again.

Did… did last night really happen?

I twist slightly to look over my shoulder at the bedside table, where there are two polished, brassy rings lie.

It totally happened.

Holy-

Images of roses and a dance floor flash through my mind, along with my fingers tangled in Jacob’s hair and his mouth working greedily against mine.

I did that.

I really did that.

Wow.

“I know you’re awake.” Jacob’s sleepy voice rumbles in my ear.

“Sorry. Did I wake you up?”

“Nope. I’m usually up about this time. I’ve got to be over at the MIller’s in about forty minutes.” He sighs. “I was hoping that you would be awake. I didn’t know if I could go the entire day without talking to you after…”

“Yeah. Me too.” I wrestle my hands from beneath my body and place them against his bare chest, warming my frigid fingers.

“Jeez, Bells.” Jake wheezes in surprise. “Your circulation must be awful.”

“Good morning to you, too.” I study my pale fingers, pressed against the top of his torso, near his shoulder.

Jacob laughs faintly and presses his face to my hair. “You smell amazing.”

I arch my eyebrow, turning my hands to the other side so I can warm my knuckles, too. “Jacob, I ran around town for a few hours, sweating like a maniac, and then got in bed without a shower.”

“So?”

Rolling my eyes, I take my hands off of him and wrap them around each other, trying to preserve the warmth. They’d been slightly asleep, and the tingling stung more than I thought it would. “I think you’re biased.”

He waits for a second, reaching up to play with one of the tangled brown locks spread out on my side of the bed. “So?”

“Do you need to be getting ready?” I ask, changing the subject. I don’t want to be the reason why he gets in trouble.

Jacob sighs. “Nah. I’ll just throw on a shirt and go.”

“Gross.”

“You like it.”

We stay there like that for another ten minutes, just breathing against each other, him weaving tiny braids in my hair and I tracing the contours of his wonderful abs. “Jacob, I really think-”

“I know, I know.” Jake grumbles. “I need to go.”

He slides away from me with a sigh, and I watch with raised brows as he attempts to grab a t-shirt off of the floor. “Clean one, Jacob.”

The boy sighs before wandering over to the closet. “Women.”

“I’m not kissing you again if you look like you’ve been wearing the same clothes for days.” I tease, wrapping the comforter around my shoulders so I can sit up and stay warm.

He stays silent for a moment. “...Noted.”

*******************

“Bella, can you go and get some of the peach preserves from the basement?” Mrs. Miller asks from where she’s sitting with Terri on the couch, idly bouncing the child on her knee. “I told Miss Lawrence that I would bake her a pie, and I will surely forget if they aren’t on the counter to remind me.” She strokes the kid’s blonde hair into two stick-straight pigtails. “Actually, get two. We’ll want one for dessert, won’t we?”

“Yeah, of course.” I place my book, borrowed from a small take-one leave-one library I saw on the way to the festival yesterday.

I make my way down the stairs, carefully avoiding the play stable that Allie has set up on the stairs. She’ll have my head if I disturb her carefully crafted world.

The couches set along the wall are moved closer together, as Liam had his girlfriend over this morning, before his father told him he needed to get the rest of his work done. She was a lovely girl with short auburn hair and a sweatshirt much too large to be hers, with a personality as bright as her smile. She had made a joke about cocaine over breakfast that had nearly put Mrs. Miller into a coma.

I had hid my laugh then, but sent her a grin afterwards.

The peaches are regrettably at the very top of the stack of cans, and I have to climb two of the wooden shelves to reach even one of them, and make a jump for the others. It’s a good thing that Mr. Miller built these to be sturdy.

I jump backwards, landing as gracefully as I can, and turn around to find a short, pixie-haired girl staring right at me and grinning.

I gasp and take a step backwards, almost dropping the peaches.

“Careful, Bella. I don’t want you to bleed.” Alice enunciates each word, holding out her hands to catch my forearms and steady me.

What. The. Hell.

I may as well just start referring to this place as the vampire basement.

“Alice.” I force her name through my teeth. “What are you doing here?”

“Rescuing you, of course!” She laughs as though I’ve said something silly.

“I… I’m fine here, thanks.”

Oh goodness, not another vampire who thinks of themselves as my salvation.

I love Alice, but I don’t want to see her here. Not after the exchange I had with her brother.

“No, you’re not.” She frowns, and her amber eyes narrow. “Edward said that Jacob was keeping you here. Like a prisoner. He said that he’d taken advantage of your nerves and brainwashed you into coming with him.”

To that, I really have to laugh. “I really wish you could see the wolves in your visions, Alice, to prove that that is just simply not true.”

“Oh.” Alice shakes her head. “Bella. I hadn’t realized that he’d gotten that far into your head, goodness.”

“He’s not in my head, Alice.” I resist the urge to say that he’s in my sheets instead, but I know exactly how that will be interpreted.

She doesn’t seem to listen, her perfect face contorting into a horrible expression of sadness. “Oh, Bella, it’s alright. I’ll make sure you get home safe.”

“Alice!” I snap. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Well, of course.” She tilts her head, and her eyes are round in an eerie way, like an owl’s. “I just don’t think you’re in your right mind. It’s alright, of course. I know just how fragile humans are… poor thing, your mind must be just about shattered!”

“My mind is fine.” I try to tell her, but she just shakes her head.

“I can’t imagine what it would be like to be in that much confusion. I’m truly sorry, Bella. Don’t worry- I’m here to help.”

“I don’t need help.” I say, but Alice shrugs.

“Come on, Bella.” She waves her hand in a beckoning manner, as if tugging on an invisible string attached to my chest. “Let’s take you home.”

“Alice, no.” I push her hand away from me, and she lets it fall. “Will you just listen to me?”

“Listen? About what?”

“I’m not going back. Not for a while.” I glance down at the ground, unable to say this to a face that I had once considered my best friend. “I’m happy here.”

“Oh, Bella.” Alice takes my hands, pressing them between her cold fingers. “Alright. I’ll listen.”

Relief washes over me like the waves of the ocean. “Thank you.”

“Why did you run away from your wedding?”

“It wasn’t right.” I admit. “Alice, did you not see how tired I was? You yourself told me to get better sleep!”

“That was just so I would have a nicer canvas to work with the next day.” She admits with a frown.

“Edward had been acting off… possessive, really. He didn’t notice that I slept horrible when he was there, and I was dead on my feet.” I search her perfect face for any sort of emotion or response.

“It’s alright, You won’t have to be human much longer.” Alice pats my hand sympathetically. “Then, you won’t need sleep at all!”

“Alice! Are you even hearing me?” I turn away from her, searching the shelves of canned vegetables and fruit for the words that I can’t seem to say. “I was blind! He was nothing more of a drug to me!” I stare at a jar labelled Apple Cider as the girl squeezes my fingers. “I don’t think I ever really loved him.”

“That’s not true.” Alice’s voice is sharp. “You love him. He loves you- he was going to die when he thought that you were dead!”

“That’s not healthy.” I say, trying to pry my fingers from her grip. “It wasn’t healthy.”

“Bella!” I turn my head to the base of the staircase, where Mrs. Miller stands, bouncing Terri on her hip. “Are you alright? You’ve been down here for quite some time…” She trails off as she takes Alice in. “Who… who are you?”

“Hello, Ma’am.” Alice releases my hands to curtsy before Mrs. Miller. “My name is Alice. I’m here to take Bella back to her husband.”

“He’s out with Liam in the pigpens. I’m sure that she can find him herself.” The woman’s voice is hard as iron. “I don’t know who you are, but you need to get out of my house.”

“I mean her actual husband.” Alice corrects herself. “I’ll be taking her now. Thank you for your cooperation, ma’am.”

“You won’t be doing anything of the sort.” Mrs. Miller’s eyes dart between me and Alice, trying to make sense of the situation. “Get out before I call my husband. He won’t be so kind with you.”

“Please don’t make this hard. I swore not to spill any human blood.” The small girl tells Mrs. Miller gently, before latching onto my arm.

“Let go of her.”

“Absolutely not.” Alice lifts her tiny chin. “She belongs with my family.”

Mrs. Miller’s eyes go to me. “Bella…”

With one look at Alice’s eyes, I can tell that there’s not much she would stop at to get me back to Forks and married to Edward. Mrs. Miller doesn’t know truly how dangerous she is- how dangerous any of this is.

“Tell Jacob that Alice came and took me to Forks.” I tell her, trying to keep my voice steady. “I don’t know if we’ll be able to work with you anymore… I’m sorry. I’ll come back when I can.”

“You don’t-”

“Yes, she does.” Alice interrupts. “She’s not in her right mind.”

I force the sobs building in my throat back. “Thank you for being so amazing to me. Tell Jake to not do anything rash…” I look down at my finger, where the ring that I just bought last night lies. The Cullens will certainly take it away, when they find out what it is.

With trembling fingers, I remove it and toss it to her. She catches it with an expression I can’t decipher, careful not to drop Terri, who has been dead silent, almost like she senses the danger here.

“Bella…”

“It’s alright.” I can’t control the steady flow of tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Come on, Bella.” Alice says quietly, her eyes fixated on the woman. “Let’s go.”

“I-” I try to talk, but I can’t.

Tell Jacob I love him.

Tell him, because I may never get the chance.

Chapter Text

Jacob>>

“I'm gonna go make sure that the piglets are all good.” Liam gave me an awkward thumbs-up, jogging away with the bucket of feed in hand.

I had gotten used to the Miller's hoard of animals, but that certainly didn’t mean that they liked me.

I eye the two boars with suspicion as they gather at the corner of their cage, grunting at the two buckets I carry.

I learned the hard way that being part animal didn’t mean that animals liked you. I’d almost been killed by a moose the first time I tried to take a hike after phasing for the first time, and had been thanking my superspeed and lucky stars that my insides were where they were meant to be.

The MIller’s few animal’s weren’t any exception. They only had a few, since they were mostly focused on corn, but pigs fed well on the corn scraps, and chickens worked till the family garden. A few barn cats that slunk past with wary eyes to hunt mice rounded out the crew.

“Let’s make this easy, alright?” I tell the stupid pigs, venturing closer. “I don’t like you, and you don’t like me, but you want food and I want to do something else.”

They grunt in response.

I sigh and bend over awkwardly, trying to keep my legs and crotch as far away from the wire fence as I can while still making most of the corn feed into the bucket.

The pigs hurtle themselves at the corn, burrowing their faces into it and making a horrendous mess. I wince as I move away, glad that Liam had already refilled their water.

The hair on the back of my neck stands up as I back away. I cast a wary glance over my shoulder, worried that they do in fact have moose in Kansas and Bella was wrong.

There’s nothing back there.

Still, I can’t shake the feeling that something is enormously wrong. It’s like the sensation of ice being swept across my spine, chilling my overheated body.

I try to shake it off, but as I walk away, the feeling returns full force, like a bucket of ice cold adrenaline has been poured over my head.

I clutch my heart, balling my old t-shirt by the chest, which pounds like I’ve run a hundred miles. My face feels cold.

Something’s wrong. I can feel it.

Maybe I’m being irrational, but my instincts haven’t been wrong before. Sam had told all of us that it was normal, and that our bodies had been rewired to fight, so our nervous senses were prone to wigging out on occasion. However, we should never assume that it was just ‘wigging out’.

I drop the bucket and begin to trot towards the house, my heart pounding. It feels like something’s pulling me in that direction, an invisible string attached to my wrist.

Bella.

What’s going on? There can’t be any danger at the house- I made sure to do a smell test when we first stepped foot inside.

It can’t be Bella. It has to be something else…

What else could it be, though? There’s nothing else that can pull a wolf like that.

Only my imprint can do that.

I break into a sprint as the feeling of danger intensifies, bounding up the front porch, my feet smacking against the creaking floorboards. A rotting, putrid smell wafts out the door, and I almost phase on the spot.

Vampire.

“Bella?” I call out, not bothering to kick my shoes off. “Bella, are you-”

There’s no one in the living room, only two books set aside. I can smell Logan and Allie upstairs, and Mrs. Miller in the basement, and-

No Bella.

Just the rotten, cloying scent of a vampire.

The adrenaline kicks in even harder than before, and I vault over the couch, nearly falling down the stairs of the basement in my haste, and knocking over Mrs Miller, whose face is whiter than a sheet, holding a silent Terri.

“Bella?” I ask frantically, and the woman’s eyes widen, swiveling around to look at me. She’s gripping something in her free hand, so tight that her fingers are pale with pressure.

“Jacob?” Mrs. Miller asks, her voice cracking at my name. “I-”

It almost looks like she’s been broken, like she can’t fathom what has just happened.

The horrible smell of vampire wafts around the room, and I can barely detect Bella’s scent underneath.

“She- I don’t know how it-” The woman glances down at her clenched hand, grabbing mine and dropping something into my palm. “There was a pretty girl, and Bella was crying, and she said something about a husband-”

My ears block out the rest of what she says as I look at the object in my hand.

Bella’s flower wedding ring, the match to the one I wear on my left hand.

*******************
Bella>>

I don’t know how long Alice runs, but it sure doesn’t feel very long. Not nearly long enough for the distance that took Jacob and I two weeks to cover.

She runs so fast that I can feel my insides slide back, a feeling so unsettling that I almost threw up over her shoulder.

Alice didn’t notice; she just kept running, passing through forests and grasslands that whipped by and blended together.

I squeeze my eyes together, holding my hands clasped over my heart. Any tears that fall from my eyes are swept away immediately by the wind.

Jacob.

I know that he’s back at the house now. I don’t know how I know, but I do. I could almost feel myself… tug on him, when Alice first told me that she was here to take me back to Forks, to Edward.

But that was impossible. No one could do that.

I hope that he hasn’t freaked out. After all, the Cullens have never intentionally hurt me physically, and I don’t think that they will start now.

I don’t want to go back.

I can’t go back.

Alice slows down, her feet falling the modest speed of an olympic runner instead of a race car. “Do you need to use the restroom, Bella?”

We’ve stopped outside of a rest stop in the middle of grassland. I can’t see anything but golden grass and rocks as far as the eye can see, and that goes for other people as well.

“No. I’m alright.” My stomach lurches as she tilts me down, and Alice titters as I stumble over to empty my breakfast into a bush, falling on my knees.

“None of that.”

“Then don’t run so damn fast.” My harsh words are surprising to me- this is Alice, after all.

“But we need you back in Forks!” She pats me on the back as I slowly stand up. “Edward was beside himself in worry! He will be delighted to find you unharmed.”

“I was more unharmed when I was back in the Miller’s house.” I try to dodge her hands as she goes to sweep me up again, but she’s much too fast, and I’m back in her arms before I can do much about it.

“That horrible mess?” Alice wrinkles her perfect nose as she hefts my body in her slender arms. “That’s the reason why I had to come back so quickly. Edward told me that Jacob had you captive in the filthiest human house he had ever seen!”

“It isn’t that bad.” I protest, crossing my arms as the girl begins to jog. The taste of puke lingers in my mouth, making me wish that I had some gum. “It’s the happiest place I’ve ever been in.”

“Goodness.” Alice says frightfully. “You’ll need more than a day back in Edward’s arms to be fit for the wedding, it seems.”

I sigh and look down at my hands as she begins the horrid sprint again.

****************

I black out for part of the run, so I have no idea how much time has passed when we finally set foot in the outskirts of Forks.

Alice smiles as I raise my head. “Oh, good. I thought that you had died for a moment.”

“Unfortunately not.” I raise a hand to rub my eyes, trying to ignore the spinning in my head. When Edward took me for a run, he certainly hadn’t gone this fast-

She clucks her tongue disappointedly. “Don’t talk like that. You know it upsets Edward.”

I could care less what upsets Edward, but it doesn’t seem like I’m going to be able to get through to Alice right now.

She hits a main road and goes down a turn I recognize: Cullen's driveway.

Panic seizes my chest as she gets closer to the immaculate house of windows. “Wait- I’m not going to my house?”

“And let you get nerves again?” Alice laughs. “Not a chance!”

So I’m a prisoner. Great. Aren’t there laws against this sort of thing?

Not ones that factor in the possibility of vampires, probably.

“I’m not going to stay here, Alice.” I argue.

Her eyes narrow as she looks down at me. “I’d like to see you try to leave.”

A chill cuts down my spine as she smiles, the aggressive look leaving her face. “You’ll be too blinded by love to do most of anything, after all.”

She trots up the driveway and sets me down on the pavement behind Emmet’s Jeep, before placing two fingers in her mouth and releasing an ear-splitting whistle.

I yelp and cover my eyes. “Alice! Some warning, please!”

“It’s alright.” She smiles at me. “The transformation process undos all hearing damage.”

“Bella!” I turn my head to see Edward standing on the porch, staring down at me with an awestruck look worthy of any rom-com I’d ever seen. “You’re back! Alice did convince you!”

“There wasn’t much convincing about it.” I mutter, looking away.

It’s only a second later that he’s down on the ground with me, his marble-hard arms around my body, and squeezing slightly too hard. He exhales beside my ear, his nose in my hair. “You smell of dog, love.”

“I could care less.” I wish that I had the strength to pry myself free from his horrible grip.

“Oh, don’t be like that.” Edward frowns, tilting my chin up with two cold fingers as his other hand rests on my hips. “You’ve been through something horrible, darling. Please, give yourself the time to rest and think about it.”

His tone is so perfect, so persuasive, that I almost say yes. Yes, darling, I need to think about it.

I love you.

I jerk my chin away from his hand. “Let go of me.”

“Gladly. You do need a shower, Bella.” He smiles slightly, as if that was supposed to be a compliment rather than an insult.

“Go screw yourself.” I push him away from me and turn to storm down the driveway.

Edward appears in front of me, pushing my chest back. “That is neither ladylike or possible, darling.”

“Ever heard of your right hand?”

“Bella, come inside.” Alice’s voice floats over my shoulder. "I've made mushroom ravioli for you, and I can smell it getting cold.”

My stomach grumbles despite my will.

“Don’t starve yourself because you can’t stay away from me, love.” Edward’s hands rest on my elbows, his face so serene I can believe that he thinks that he’s in the right with this.

“Assh-”

“Oh, hush.” He places a finger over lips, like he’s soothing a naughty child. “Come inside, Bella. Eat. Rest from your horrid last month.”

His words infuriate me, but mushroom ravioli does sound good, and I don’t really think that I have any other option.

Chapter Text

I sit by the windows, bathing in the sunlight that cascades through them as I poke at my mushroom ravioli. It’s good, but it’s clear that the one who made it can’t taste-test food and hasn't for almost a century.

The Cullen’s house is even colder than I remember. Now that I’ve gotten used to the warmth of Kansas, it’s hard to sit in the coldest house in Forks. I am fully regretting my choice of a short sleeve t-shirt, goosebumps raising on my arms.

Edward sits across from me, his elbows resting on the table and his fingers pressed to his lips, staring at me in uncomfortable silence. He has only blinked twice in ten minutes, just adding to the creepiness of it.

I sigh and push the plate away from myself with a clatter. “Will you stop that?”

“You didn’t have an issue with it before.” Edward reminds me, tilting his head ever so slightly. “What changed?”

“I realized that I kind of like the sun. And eating. And being alive.” I cross my arms over my chest and stare at my feet dangling from one the barstools that are set up along the counter.

“Bella.” He says softly. “Why now? I tried to convince you to stay human for so long, and now you choose to, just to hurt me?”

“If you wanted me to stay human, you wouldn’t have tried to make the vampire lifestyle look so amazing.” I cast a glance at the wall of photos that lines the staircase, avoiding his eerie amber eyes.

“That was… a fault of mine.” Edward admits. “I am thoroughly faulted, however. I am a flawed and eternally damned being. But I thought that I had found the one person who would give me a chance… only to be abandoned at the altar.”

“Sorry.”

“It is all okay, darling. You are here now, that’s all that matters.”

“And it only took a kidnapping to get me here.” I mutter, knowing full well that he can hear every single one of my whispers.

“It was for your own good.” Edward shakes his head. “A werewolf, Bella? Really? And, nonetheless, Jacob Black? You could not have picked a worse being to run away with if you had tried. He is the worst option for a protector for you- far too impulsive, in my opinion, and he doesn’t even stay close to you.”

“He’s my best friend.” And something more, but I don’t feel like saying that will exactly help my situation.

“A horrible choice. What ever happened to that nice girl? Angela?”

“Alice said that she couldn’t be a bridesmaid because it would mess with the wedding aesthetic, and it hurt her. She hasn’t talked to me since.”

“Oh.” He frowns. “An oversight on our part.”

I sigh and hop off of my stool. “Are we done with this yet? I want to go home.”

Edward’s in front of me before I can even blink, his hands on my upper arms and his eyes flashing with a blazing intensity.

“You are home, Bella.”

**********************

Jacob>>

I left the Rabbit parked in front of Bella and I’s house, and ran.

I knew that Sam would scold me later, for being so open with my phased form, but I also knew that he would understand. After all, if it was Emily who had been kidnapped and taken away from him, would he not do the same?

The entire pack had called me crazy when I ‘let’ Bella get married to Edward. After all, she was my imprint, and it had hurt worse than anything I had ever known to let her go to a man that wouldn’t know a fraction of what she was worth.

Especially after she admitted that she loved me, but she loved him more.

But, hey! That was how the imprint worked, right? I would be anything that she asked for… whether it be a lover, a protector, or… a friend.

The grass is cool beneath my feet as I run, bounding through the fields and forests that took Bella and I two weeks to cover in mere hours.

For once in my life, I almost find myself wishing that I was a vampire. After all, the leech that stole Bella surely didn’t have to avoid any area with people, because a human running is much less noticeable than a massive wolf.

It’s only after I’ve crossed the border into Wyoming (thank goodness, no big cities to avoid here!) that I begin to slow.

The frantic run has been nothing but frantic thoughts of Bella, but as I start to work through it, I realize that I don’t know if there’s anything that I can do. After all, I’m sure that the Cullens wouldn’t take kindly to me intruding on their perfect little kidnapping fantasy.

For a second, I don’t care. I don’t care that I’m not a match for seven vampires, or that I will probably be dead the second I step foot on their front porch, if it means that I can make sure that Bella is alright.

But I have to talk myself out of it. After all, it would hurt her much worse if I got killed, wouldn’t it?

Maybe it would be better that way, I think for a horrible moment. Maybe if she didn’t have the confusion between us two… maybe if I had never existed at all…

I shake my head anxiously. This is rearing dangerously into the same mindset that led me threatening to ‘get in the way’ during the battle with the newborns.

And I had felt how badly that hurt Bella. I had felt my tears mix with hers as she gave me a kiss that I had forced her to give- and hated myself for it. I had hated how I could feel that it pained her and how it still satisfied the animalistic urge in me to claim her as my own.

If only the Cullens had never been here in the first place. Then, I would have never shifted, and Bella would have fallen for her best friend, and we would get married and plant our roots where they had always been, right in Forks.

Stupid leeches. Messing everything up.

I pick up speed again, the tug on my heart lessening as I get closer to her. It felt the worst when she was the furthest away, like my heart and lungs were being ripped from my ribcage. It gets better the closer that I am, which gives me the motivation to run faster than I ever have before.

If the leeches have hurt her in any way-

No. They wouldn’t. The Cullens had never intentionally physically hurt her, and I would feel it. Still, my mind races with every single one of the possibilities and all of scenarios of all the ways that she could die-

Calm down Jacob. You’ll be of no use if you’re a mental wreck.

I move even quicker than before, dodging between trees, my eyes fixed on the ground I have yet to run.

I’m coming, Bella. I swear it.

**********************

Bella>>

“Isn’t this gorgeous!” Alice displays a tiny piece of clothing that not even Renee would dare to wear.

I eye the cropped shirt, which would display almost any bra that I wore, with disgust. “Absolutely not.”

She pouts, holding the shirt to her heart. “But it would look darling on you! It would show off the cute little curve of your stomach!”

My hands instinctively go to my hips, and I frown. I know that I’m not fat by any means, but it still hurts when Alice says things like this. It’s like she’s reminding me of every flaw that I’ve ever thought about, and a few that I haven’t.

“No crop tops.”

“You’re no fun.’ The girl frowns, tossing the shirt over her shoulder.

If I try hard enough, I can almost imagine that she’s just giving me clothes for school, and not for the honeymoon that she so badly wants to happen.

When Alice turns to reveal a pair of panties that barely qualify as a scrap of lace, I groan. “Screw this. I’m not wearing any of that.”

I’m tempted to remind her that I have no intentions of marrying Edward, but that would just send her into a further frenzy. It seems like she’s gotten so used to the thought of me being a vampire that she can’t cope with my newfound love of being alive.

‘But Edward would-”

“I couldn't care less what Edward would like.” I stand up from the bed and make my way to the door, only to be stopped by an ice-cold body blocking my way. “Alice, let me go!”

“No!” Her tiny face is fiery with emotion. “You’re so close to a fairytale ending! I won’t let you throw it away!”

I open my mouth to respond, when a tremendous sound rips through the house.

“You did WHAT?”

Alice frowns and hurries away, throwing the door open. She doesn’t seem to register me slipping away, and down the stairs.

“Almost one hundred years, and you-”

“Please! I can expl-”

I can only catch snippets of the conversation as I walk as silently as I can, kneeling to stay hidden and peeking around the wall that separates the stairs from the kitchen.

Edward leans against the kitchen counter, his face contorted with emotions that I can’t name. When I lean forward slightly, I can see, shockingly, Carlisle, his serene face angrier than I’ve ever seen it.

“I’m away for two days on business, and you kidnap her?” The man groans, and I can see Esme move to put her hand on his shoulder. “Edward, respectively, that is the worst idea you have had in quite some time.”

“I’m in love, father!”

Esme’s voice is soft, and I have to strain myself to catch what she says.

“Did you really not listen to a single thing I told you about romance?”

A cold hand grabs my shoulder, and I yelp, startled.

“...Bella?” Emmett’s hand flies off of my shoulder. “You’re back?”

The argument in the kitchen ceases, and in no more than a second, both Carlise and Esme’s faces look down at me, from over the wall. I wave weakly, with a pained smile.

“Holy-” Esme hisses, clasping her hand to the spot where her heart would be. Carlisle casts her a wary glance, and she raises a soft eyebrow. “I think that I am allowed to swear at least once of our son’s horrible ideas, husband.”

“What did Edward do?” Emmett asks, his eyes lighting up. “Whoa, can I be the favorite again?”

He quiets after the glares sent his way, giving me a small half smile and shrug that I can’t help but laugh a little at.

“She’s not hurt at all, mother!” Edward’s voice protests. “As you can clearly see, she is completely fine-”

Esme moves to the opening of the staircase and extends her hand with a pitying expression. “Here.”

I take it, allowing her to easily pull me to my feet.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Her gentle and concerned expression makes me want to spill every single thought that I’ve had over the last month to her, and I almost do.

I nod.

I’m alright. I have to be.

Chapter Text

I am sat at the table once more, between Carlise and Esme, whose expressions range from disappointed to curious. Edward and Alice are across from us, Edward’s head bowed in repentance and Alice’s fiery anger displayed across her face.

“Tell me. What made you think that this was a good idea?” Carlisle taps the table impatiently as Edward winces.

“She seemed unsafe… The dog simply isn’t a sufficient protector to her!” He runs a hand through his perfectly ruffled auburn hair. “I am sorry for any distress I caused you, Bella.”

“I understand that the wolves are not sufficient, but couldn’t you get her to come willingly? Think of how the boy will react, Edward! This probably broke the treaty. All of the years of peace we worked for.” Carlise looks at his son with a concerned glance.

“I… am very sorry, father.” Edward inclines his head once more. “I did not go about it in the best way. But can’t you see? She is my love, my soulmate…”

“Am not.” I mutter, but it doesn’t seem like any of them heard.

“I understand, Edward. But that does not make kidnapping alright.” Carlise tells him gently, as if he’s warning a young child away from breaking a crayon rather than a infinitely wise immortal against kidnapping.

“I wasn’t the one who…” He winces before he says it. “...kidnapped her. That was Alice acting of her own violation.”

“Oh, sure!” Alice snaps, throwing her hands into the air. “Blame it all on me! If it weren’t for you and your awful self control, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation!”

“I am truly sorry, dear.” Esme whispers to me. “I know that he loves you and was acting in your best interest, but that still doesn’t make it right.”

“He doesn’t love me. He’s obsessed with me.” I point out, and she smiles sadly.

“He loves you. Edward… is not always the best with his emotions.”

“He used to sneak in my room and watch me sleep.”

“You see? Not the best.” Esme shakes her head sadly. “Poor boy. Burdened with being the best and brightest of all of us.”

I don’t know what to say to that, so I choose to stay silent, crossing my arms over my chest with a sigh.

Across the table, Alice is wildly explaining her visions to Carlise. “I saw her as one of us- It’s so clear! It still is! I couldn’t just let her slip away in an unremarkable future, could I?”

“I am not contesting that, Alice. I am just saying that there must have been better ways to go about it.” He shakes his head sadly. “Think of the stress you caused those poor humans.”

“Enough about the humans!” She wrinkles her nose in disgust. “They’re inferior, and you know it.”

“Thanks.” I say from across the table.

“Not you.” Alice waves her hand dismissively. “Most of the time, anyways.”

Oh. Delightful.

“There’s not much that we can do now, father, What Alice did is done.” Edward speaks solemnly, as though he’s rectiing a mourner’s poem at a funeral.

“Don’t you pin this on m-”

“He is right,” Carlisle murmurs, pressing a finger to his chin in thought. “We are at a standstill. If we return Bella to her friends, we are essentially admitting that we broke the treaty. And if she stays here… it will not end well either.”

Alice’s eyes grow hazy. “They’re going to surround the house. They want her back.’”

“Hmm…” The man thinks, his eyes searching the ceiling. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do… she was ours first, and it was your wedding that she ran from, Edward. I suppose that we can blame the wolves for that… stolen property.”

“Are all of you insane?” I demand, brushing Esme’s arm away from my shoulders. “I am not property!”

“Oh, it’s alright.” Carlisle soothes me. “It is natural to grapple with life’s natural order.”

“I’m leaving.” I jump away from the table, making my way down the stairs and knowing full well that I’m going to be stopped again.

“You cannot.” Edward catches my arm and pulls me back with enough force to leave a bruise. “You will stay until we figure out what to do.”

“Oh, so now I’m responsible for your poor actions and underdeveloped brain?” I shoot back, rubbing the spot he grabbed and trying to pry myself away from him.

“I am not underdeveloped.” Edward’s nose wrinkles in disgust.

“Sure.” I try fruitlessly to pull away again, but he yanks me back.

“You stay here.”

“I’m not a prisoner, Edward. I want to go home.”

His amber eyes flash with an unidentifiable emotion. “You will not.”

“So… I’m a prisoner?”

“I… wouldn’t say that.”

“I’m a prisoner.” I deadpan, staring at my reflection in the glass of the photos. “Wonderful.”

******************

Jacob>>

When I’m only a few miles from La Push, I slow, making my way through the forest deliberately. Embry and Paul are on guard duty, scouting around the perimeter of the reservation.

As my thoughts intermingle with theirs, Embry stops.

/Jacob?/

/Yeah./ I pick up the pace slightly, to intercept them at the creek.

/What… what are you doing back?/ My friend asks. /He’s without Bella… maybe they’ve split? Did he mess it up? Or…/

I burst through the trees, and Paul snarls at me. /Calm down./

/They took her. The tiny one came by the place we were staying at kidnapped her./ It all pours out in a rush. /She’s at their house right now. I would have gone straight there, but…/

/They… kidnapped her?/ Paul raises an incredulous eyebrow. /Who wants that deathtrap of a human anywhere in their vicinity?/

/I do./ I paw at the ground, trying to keep myself from pacing. /I’m going to Emily's. I don’t want to act without Sam, but it’s so hard-/

Embry snorts. /You imprinted wolves, I swear./

/Have you even told her yet?/ Paul interjects, reading the shame in my thoughts. /Oh, jeez. She’s going to hate you when she finds out./

/Hate me? Bella could never…/ I shoot Paul a glare. /Don’t be like that./

/It’s just so fun to see you get worried./ He teases with a stupid grin. /Don’t be a baby, Jake./

I roll my eyes and trot away from them. Emily’s house is only a mile or two away- a mere minute if I go fast.

/Wait!/ Embry calls from behind me. /Are you sure that she didn’t… want to go?/

My heart seizes as I consider that terrifying scenario, before remembering the fear that I could feel through the bond. /Yes./

The run to Emily’s is as short as I can make it, and I hop out of the trees, pulling my sweatpants on hastily. I had to ditch my shirt and shoes in the woods when I transformed, but I stashed Bella and I’s rings in the pocket of the pants, tied securely around my ankle.

I reach for them now, turning the cool metal over and over in my hands. She’ll wear it again. I just know it.

When I get inside, Sam has Emily pinned down on the couch, and the happy giggling that radiate from the living room almost makes me gag.

“”Jacob?” Sam asks, first in annoyance, and then in confusion. Emily looks up at me, her eyebrows coming together to form a worried crease.

“They took her.” I spit out. “The Cullens came and kidnapped her, and they’re holding her hostage.”

At least, that's what I assumed was happening. I would think that Bella would have left if she could… or maybe she really did want Cullen after all.

I fight the thoughts out of my head with a snarl, the events of last night flashing through my head. She wouldn’t have looked at me like that if she-

Sam’s face twists with anger. “They… what?”

“Kidnapped her. Took her from the home we were staying at.” I thrust the rings at Sam with fury. “The leech obviously knew… she was wearing this.”

“Oh.” He studies the two rings with curiosity, before closing his eyes with a deep breath. “Jacob, calm down.”

The subtle alpha influence forced me to do just that, even if it was the last thing that I wanted to do. “But-”

“You won’t be of any use to her if you’re a panicked mess.” Sam begrudgingly pulls himself away from Emily, fixing the simple t-shirt he wears with a sigh. “I’ll go with you to the Cullen house… maybe we can get them to speak with us.”

“Edward came to us once.” I tell him quietly. “He tried to make Bella go back with him, but she refused… something tells me that he’s not going to let her escape that easily.”

“There has to be something in the treaty that this violates.” He takes Emily by the hand and pulls her upright. “I’ll go to Old Quil. He knows every word of the damn thing.”

Sam must notice my twitch, because he sighs. “Jacob, I order you to not go to the Cullen’s house until I am able to go with you.”

Outrage bursts out of me as my jaw falls. “What? That’s not fair! I can't just-”

“You can.” He says evenly.

“But…” I struggle to get the words out. “Imagine if it was Emily being held hostage by the Cullens. Imagine how you would feel.”

Sam’s eyes narrow, but his command doesn’t waver. “Go home, Jacob. Ask your father for anything that he knows.”

“B-”

“No buts.” He turns to Emily and leaves her with a kiss that’s just long enough to make me uncomfortable. “Go home.”

As much as I’d like to, I can’t disobey the order. “Fine.” I snap at him. “But if anything happens to her while you made me wait-”

“Nothing will.” Sam reassures me, pulling a pair of shoes on.

“But-”

“Jacob Black.” The man glowers at me. “Go home.”

I want to open my mouth again, but I force myself to jog away, leaving Emily’s house in the dust.

***************

My house is empty and boring, with nothing to distract me with thoughts of Bella. Bella being held against her will by Cullen, Bella's hands in his, his fingers lingering on her skin.

I grit my teeth and sit up straight, willing the trembling to stop. I’ve been excellent about keeping my temper under control at the Miller’s, and I better not flake out now.

The clock ticks by slowly, each second taking a minute and each minute taking an hour. It seemed like every moment of time that I was away from her, that I didn’t know that she was safe, my heart beat faster, speeding to the point where it felt like I was running a marathon, not sitting on the couch.

There has to be something that I can do, I just know it.

But Sam told me that I couldn’t go to the Cullen’s house…

How long was he going to take to talk to Old Quil? Surely the man would spit out whatever Sam needed without being forced to…

It had been almost thirty minutes since my conversation with Sam. That was more than enough time for him to do something… more than enough time than I was able to sit idle as Bella was in the cold, unfeeling hands of the enemy.

Surely Sam would understand if I was able to defy his order. He would stop at nothing to get Emily back, so why was it different for me?

I stood and began to pace, running my feet across our ancient carpet over and over again. My muscles were all bound up, just waiting to be unleashed.

Maybe I couldn’t do something… but who could?

I needed someone who could go to the Cullen’s house without fear, and could have a civil conversation with them. I needed someone who had a connection to Bella, who cared about her just like I did.

Maybe one of her human friends would be willing to…

Nope. I dismissed the idea before it could truly form. I couldn’t tell her friends that she’d been kidnapped, that would lead to panic and gossip.

That only left one option.

I was going to have to talk to Charlie.

Chapter Text

Jacob>>

Every second that I had to cut through town and not shift was torture. I’m sure that I looked absolutely insane, shirtless and shoeless, running down a few of the more secluded streets, trying to get to the woods.

I couldn’t have cared less.

I can’t remember much of the run, only the looks I got and eventually the freedom of phasing. My mind was too focused on my new plan- and getting Bella out of the leeches house as fast as possible.

Sam talking it over with Old Quil be damned.

I knew that I could challenge him, if I wanted to. After all, it was my birthright, not his, and he had just given me a very convenient reason to try to take the lead.

I can see the back of Bella’s house from where I run, so I slow down and phase back, pulling my sweatpants back on as I run. I just hope that Charlie will be home today, and I won’t have to show up at the station looking crazy.

That would just give Sam more time to realize what I’d done. As of now, I wasn’t betraying any direct orders, because I had gone home, just like he said, I just hadn’t stayed there. And, I wouldn’t be going to the Cullen's alone.

Hopefully.

I bound up the wooden porch, hoping that Charlie’s cruiser is in the garage, since it isn’t in the driveway. As I peer through the windows, I can see that the house is dark, but the T.V.. is on. That’s a good sign.

I knock twice, loud enough to be heard over the sound of the game playing.

It takes almost a full minute for the door to open- Chief Swan’s face appearing, looking thoroughly suspicious. At the sight of me, his eyebrows shoot up, and he clears his throat. “Jacob?”

I nod frantically. “Yeah. B-”

“I’ve got a few words for you.” Charlie looks mad as he opens the door further. “Come in. Is Bella out there?”

“Well, no, that’s what-”

“Come in.” He orders me, and I obey, dusting my feet off on the mat before wandering inside.

Inside, it’s horribly messy. I don’t think that he’s cleaned once since Bella left, and I hadn’t realized just how much of an influence my girl had on the house.

Charlie leans against the wall, his arms folded and his dark eyebrows knit together in an emotion that could either be anger or concern. Maybe both.

I hate standing still. All of the energy and adrenaline is still coursing through my veins and my hands wring themselves together.

The man sighs, looking me up and down. “I suppose I have to thank you.”

What? I give him a confused look, and he shrugs. “That I don’t have a Cullen as a son-in-law.”

Oh.

“Is Bella alright?” Charlie asks, and I can see now that he’s more concerned than angry.

“Yes.” I would know if she wasn’t, I would feel it. “We’ve been staying with a couple in Kansas for the last month as she…figures things out.”

The man nods. “Then why are you here now?”

I take a deep breath. “This morning, Alice kidnapped Bella and brought her back here.”

Charlie’s eyebrows shoot higher up than I would have thought possible. “The nice girl? All the way from Kansas?” He clears his throat. “Do you mind explaining to me how that’s even possible?”

I look down at the floor. Sam would kill me if he knew what I was about to say, but it was Charlie, for heaven’s sake. Charlie had been so involved through it all that I was surprised that someone hadn’t told him, or that he hadn’t figured it out.

“I’ll start at the wedding.” I push my hands into my pockets, feeling the rings bundled in the bottom of the pocket.

So I do. I tell Charlie everything- everything except for the Festival of Roses. The man may like me, but I’m certainly not telling him about how I undressed his daughter.

“And, this morning…” I trail off, letting him fill in the rest.

He furrows his eyebrows, a finger running through his mustache. “That still doesn’t explain how you got halfway across the country in a few hours, son.”

I hesitate. Is there really any way for him to really realize the magnitude of the situation without… showing him?

“Meet me out back.” I tell him, moving to open the door once more. “I’ll show you.”

“Don’t show me, tell me!” Bella’s dad sounds exasperated. I recognize the tone, from back when Embry had deserted me for Sam.

I bite my lip, my hand lingering on the doorknob. “I think it’s something better shown, Chief Swan.”

It only takes him a minute or two to get some shoes and a light jacket on, to meet me in the Swan’s secluded backyard. The next closest house is about fifty feet away, and the backyard has a high fence. I should be alright, I think.

“Show me.” Charlie folds his arms across his chest, giving me a deadly serious look.

“Alright.” My hands move to the band of my sweatpants, loosening it. “Just don’t freak out, alright? I’m breaking a lot of rules by showing you this.”

The police chief eyes me critically. “Jacob, put your clothes back on.”

“Just wait.” I kick my sweatpants away, almost laughing at his faint discomfort, before leaping backward, phasing.

Phasing was an odd process. There was always that moment of panic where you couldn’t tell which way was up and which side was which or whether you were human or animal. I could feel each hair grow individually, and was always dizzy for a split second as my eyes readjusted.

Then, every single one of the senses would hit. I could smell so much better, and my eyes were sharper, and I could feel every single blade of grass beneath my paws.

I sit on the damp grass and stare at Charlie, who had gone pale, clutching a hand to his chest. Oh, great.

/Jacob?/ Embry asks, sounding confused. /Why did you phase again? Aren’t you home?/

Paul snorts. /Of course not. He’s an idiot, remember?/

I ignore both of them, shrinking back into a human man, before pulling my sweatpants back on. I hope that they didn’t realize what I was doing, and that I kept it in the back of my mind long enough.

“There.” I tell Bella’s dad, who is showing more emotion than I’ve ever seen him display before. “That’s how. The Cullens are different, too, but I’ll let them tell you that.”

The man looks speechless. “...Jacob?”

I sigh. “Still here. Still me.”

“That’s why… the wolves were you!” He looks more angry than I’ve ever seen him. “Hunting those creatures, and all along it was young! I bet Sam is in on this too…. Is this what Bella meant by a cult?”

I can see the realization dawn on his face as every single one of the pieces connect. “Holy-”

“Mr. Swan?” I ask tentatively. I can’t scare him too much, otherwise he’ll never help me.

“Still here. Somehow.” He gives me a sharp look. “Does Bella know?”

I nod. “Yes.”

“Everyone in this town but me, huh?” He wipes the sweat from his forehead. “And the Cullens are… different, too? What… what did Bella almost marry?”

“Something… not human.” I almost shake to think of it. My Bella, the one that I’ve held every night for the last month, in the hands of those leeches.

“And they have her now? Held hostage? Are you absolutely sure that she’s alright?” Now that he’s relatively recovered from his shock, the questions that just keep pouring out of him.

“Yes. She’s not hurt at all.” Physically, at least. But she’s not terrified, either. I’d feel that, too.

“How do you know?” He looks me up and down with a frown set on his face.

I really wish that there was a book on this. A full-color infographic, at least, about how to tell the very human father of the girl you imprinted on that you’re bound for life.

“It’s… another wolf thing. I’m very… close to Bella, so I can feel if she’s injured or afraid.” I’ll leave the specifics for a day that I’m feeling braver and Charlie doesn’t have a gun nearby.

“Mmm.’ He agrees, blankly staring into the distance. “And what are you planning to do about my daughter being… kidnapped?”

“That’s the thing. Sam… ordered… me to not go to the Cullen’s alone to get her back. There's a treaty between us and them, and breaking it could lead to a lot of trouble.” I shrug. “I could care less, though, I just can’t disobey Sam.”

Charlie, to my surprise, laughs. “Let me get this straight: my daughter admitted that she didn’t want to marry Edward, but she’s being held hostage by him, and you’re not allowed to do anything about it?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

He turns back towards the house, still laughing. Maybe it’s a fear response and none of the Swans actually have natural instincts when they face things that can kill them. “What are you waiting for, then? I’ve wanted to get some more target practice for a while.”

************************

Bella >>

Carlise and Esme aren’t quite sure what to do with me, so they’ve settled on leaving me with Emmett and Jasper, both of whom are massively confused.

“So… wanna play baseball?” Emmett asks experimentally, casting me a curious look.

Jasper snorts. “Because that went so well last time. She’s human, you dolt.”

“Oh. Right.” Emmett stares out the window thoughtfully, as if he’s using all three of his brain cells to come up with entertainment that would be suitable for a fragile human. “We could… go shopping?”

“Shopping?” The blonde snarls, shooting his brother a look. “Seriously?”

Emmett shrugs. “It’s what Rose would want to do.”

Rosalie hasn’t been ‘allowed’ to come near me, but I did hear her absolutely tear into Edward, and the brief moment we were in the same room, she gave me an encouraging smile.

Neither Jasper nor Emmett have any idea what Edward and Alice really did, either. Jasper’s mostly distressed that Alice did something like this without him knowing, and that it’s something that he would have disagreed with. Emmett, based on my observations, didn’t get the full story either- just that I was back and ready to torment again.

I’ve already been joked about with ‘running from the wedding night’ more times than I can count.

“What would you like to do, Bella?” Jasper asks politely, his amber eyes flickering.

“Leave.” I raise my eyebrows at the both of them, knowing that there is no way that this will work.

I feel a sense of peace settling over me, and for a second, I almost believe it- I’m perfectly happy to be here, and I love that I’m back in Forks, and-

“Stop that.” I glare at Jasper, who shrugs.

“It was worth a shot.”

There’s another heavy silence as Emmett taps the window.

“We could go hunting.”

“She’s human.”

“Oh. Right.”

I sigh and settle back into a more comfortable position on the couch. It’s almost laughable that Carlise that it was necessary to have the two strongest fighters prevent a mere five-four human girl from leaving.

Then again, they’re the only two completely neutral in this whole thing.

“What if…” Emmett’s eyes sweet across the living room, trying to come up with ideas. He’s becoming more bored by the minute, which I could have used to my advantage if Jasper wasn’t here to keep him in check.

“We could teach her some good Southern swing dance.” Jasper suggests. “Every lady should know that.”

“Oh.” Emmett’s eyes light up. “Good idea.”

Dance? That’s a horrible idea. “No way.” I try to protest, but their minds are set.

I take back what I said about Emmett only having three brain cells. These two only share three between them.

Chapter Text

“Emmett, if you don’t learn how to duck I’m going to have to be the girl.” Jasper studies the man critically after a failed spinny thing that I didn’t know how to name.

It seems like this whole ‘entertainment’ thing is more for their benefit than mine. I stare out the window, watching the sun go down. They’ve been at this for hours, trying to ‘give me an example’ and just disagreeing with the different eras of dance that they grew up with.

“Sorry.” Emmett looks over at me and rolls his eyes.

“Why don’t we let Bella give it a chance?” Jasper suggests, and they both stop.

It takes me a moment to realize that they’re talking to me, and I give Jasper a look of confusion and concern. “I don’t think that that’s a good idea.”

“You’ll be fine. If you’ve been paying attention.”

“That may be the issue.” I mutter to myself, unfolding my legs from the couch. It takes a moment to get them working again, and regain feeling in my toes. Goodness, how long have I really been sitting here?

“It’ll be fine. It’s all in the lead.”

“It only sucks if the lead doesn’t know what he’s doing.” Emmett says cheerfully, with a grin stretching his cheeks out.

Jasper shoots him a dirty look. “I know damn well what I’m doing, thank you very much.”

Emmett shrugs as I move forward to face the blonde, who looks as though he would rather not do this.

I almost tell him that we don’t have to do this, but before I can get the words out, he sighs and grabs my hands.

The cold is shocking, although less so now that I’ve spent almost a full day in the Cullen’s frigid house. It seems as though they’ve really forgotten that humans have to deal with this pesky little thing called body temperature.

“No, step with the other foot.” Jaspar pauses one second into the dance. “If you step with that one you’ll trip yourself up.”

“My bad.” I readjust my feet, stepping with the right one this time.

Almost immediately, he spins me in a move that almost makes me lose my breath, and I can hear him tell Emmett that this is how you follow, not the way that he was doing it.

“See, it’s not that hard.” Jasper states as soon as the move is over. “Emmett’s just horrible at it.”

“I’m great at dancing.” Emmett protests. “You’re the one who’s horrible at it.”

“You’re not great, Em.”

Jasper pauses as Rosalie ascends up the stairs, her blonde hair tangled, something that I wouldn’t have thought possible for her.

“Hey!” Emmett protests. “Oh. Hey, Rose! Whatcha doing?”

“I’m finally allowed near Bella, apparently.” She brushes a piece of dirt off of her jacket and smirks.

Jasper arches an eyebrow at her. “Really?”

She shrugs. “They’ve got bigger issues to deal with. The dog came back, too, and he told his leader, who talked to the elders. Apparently, our lovely brother has violated the treaty in some way, they just don’t know how yet.”

Rosalie gives me a half smile, the most I’ve ever gotten from her. “I’m glad you’re still alive, Bella.’

“Thanks?”

“Your choices in men could use some work, though.” She sighs and heads over to the couch, and, to my immense dismay, sits right on Emmett’s lap, leaning against him. HIs arms wind around her, protectively, and I feel the immense urge to look away, as though I’m witnessing something private.

“I think my choices in men are great.” Well…

Rosalie arches a perfect dark eyebrow at me, and I shrug. “They are now, at least.”

“Sure.” She looks Jasper and I up and down. “Dance lesson? Really?”

“Well, it’s better than Emmett suggesting baseball and bear hunting.” Jasper drawls, releasing my hands. I bunch them into fists and shove them into my jean pockets, trying to get them warm again.

“And shopping.” The dark-haired man offers.

Rosalie gives him an offended glance. “But you don’t want to go when I suggest it?”

“Sorry.”

“Am I allowed to leave yet?” I ask Rosalie.

She shrugs. “If I had any weight in that decision, you would have never been here in the first place.”

“Could you get me out?” I wonder, mostly to myself. I don’t think that she’d be willing to do that, especially for me.

“Hmm…’ She casts a glance at Emmett, who shrugs.

Jasper shuffles uncomfortably. “We shouldn’t make decisions without Carlisle. Sorry, Bella, I wish that we could help, but if we end up having to leave, or fight because of a treaty violation…”

“Isn’t it better if you let me go now, rather than holding me hostage?” I suggest. “If you let me go, I won’t tell them that you held me hostage. I’ll just tell them that Alice took me from the Miller’s house.”

“We’re in trouble either way.” Rosalie sighs. “I want to get you out, I really do, but I would rather not risk getting too involved. Carlisle and Esme aren’t likely to let you go anytime soon- they’re too worried about damaging their precious son’s reputation.” On the last few words, she bares her teeth, sharp white canines glinting in the evening light.

“Oh.” I turn to walk to the window again, tracing the chilly window panes with one finger as I study the sunset, tinted orange and pink and every hue of blue. “This really is just a pretty prison, isn’t it?”

*********************

Jacob>>

I had never imagined that I’d be riding in a police cruiser, about to break Bella out of the Cullen’s house, with a very agitated Charlie by my side.

However, it turned out that running off with the girl of your dreams right before her wedding to a corpse had some unforeseen consequences after all.

“Are you sure that she’s alright?” Charlie asks me for what must be the hundredth time during the drive.

“Yeah.” His anxiety sure isn’t helping me keep the wolf under my skin and out of sight. I can smell the fear radiating off of him.

I hate that the Cullen’s house is on the complete opposite side of town as Bella’s, and deep into the forest. It’s been several hours since she was first taken- more hours than I’m comfortable with. Every single second that she’s gone feels like a fresh wound torn in my skin.

Just as Charlie goes to turn down the road that will eventually lead to the Cullen’s driveway, a large, furry form runs right in front of him, cutting him off.

The man hits the brakes, spinning the wheel. This feels eerily familiar to my reacquaintance to Bella, I think as the world seems to turn in slow motion.

Thankfully, Bella’s father manages to stay on the road and get the cruiser to a stop, the brakes squealing.

The animal trots to a stop before me, and I can recognize Sam’s rage even through his wolfish eyes. He taps on the hood of the vehicle, gesturing for Charlie and I to get out.

So I do, and Charlie follows warily, his hand straying to the pistol on his belt.

“Sorry! I just had to-” I apologize before Sam phases, and there is a very angry, completely naked man staring me down.

Charlie shields his eyes, muttering something about common decency.

“Jacob Black.” The tone in his voice makes me shrink back like I’m a child being scolded for taking the last cookie. “What did I tell you about going to the Cullen’s house?”

I hold my hands up in a surrender, ignoring the slight tremble that the wolfish half of my body has. “You said that I couldn’t go alone. So I’m not.”

Sam lowers his accusatory finger, glaring at me before spinning to face Charlie. “How much has he told you?”

“Nothing that I shouldn’t have known before.” The man, much to his credit, stands his ground, crossing his arms before Sam. “You could have told me that I was hunting some of my best friend's children back last March.”

“You didn’t need to know.” Sam glowers at him before redirecting his anger back to me. “And you didn’t have to tell him.”

“He had to understand the gravity of the situation. And how the leech got Bella back so fast.”

My leader makes a noise halfway between a pained growl and snarl, running his hand down his face in exasperation. “You’ve just made this situation so, so much worse, Jacob. By breaking the treaty… you’ve made the boundary land null.”

“But I had already made it null when I told Bella down at the beach.” I remind him. “The Cullens know it, too.”

“But they ignored that because you hadn’t known that you told the truth. This time, there will be no such levity.” Sam glares at me. “We can’t even hide it, because of the mind-reader.”

“So?” I rise to my full height, maybe a half-inch taller than Sam. “I’d do it again. Don’t tell me that you wouldn’t do the same for Emily.”

“Emily and I do not have the same problems that you and Bella do.” He points out. “I didn’t steal her from a family of leeches.”

“It’s not stealing if she went willingly.”

We glower at each other for another moment before Charlie clears his throat. “This is very impressive and all, but my daughter is in danger. I’m not getting in the middle of this, I’m just going to go get her back.”

Sam looks back at him. “I would normally say to go for it, but this is a delicate situation, Chief Swan. I’d advise you to steer clear of it.”

“And let a bunch of teen boys with anger issues take charge?” Charlie pounds his fist on the hood of his cruiser with a noise that makes me jump. “No way in hell.”

“Stand back.” This time, there’s no ‘advising’ about it. Sam shakes his head, walking towards Bella’s dad with a face that I can’t decipher. “Stand back, or you’ll end up a pawn in a game you can’t even begin to comprehend.”

“I just watched a boy that I’ve known his whole life transform into a damn wolf, thank you very much. I think that I’ve comprehended plenty.”

I hate this. I hate feeling like I’m powerless, like I’m unable to do a single thing to help the girl I’ve been bound to.

She doesn’t even know that I imprinted all that time ago, even though I almost confessed it to her as she lay sleeping. I didn’t, though, feeling like that was the coward’s way out and I could do better.

“You haven’t.” Sam gives Charlie a hopeless look. “Please, for your own good, go home. I don’t want any human blood spilled during this.’

Human blood.

Does Sam think that this will come to a full fight?

******************

Bella>>

I’ve assembled something that looks vaguely like food- a pickle and ham sandwich, sadly lacking cheese. The Cullen’s hadn’t expected me to be here, obviously, and they don’t trust their kids enough to leave them here while they make a shopping run.

It tastes alright- the pickles are sweet, but after a whole week of Mrs. Miller’s cooking, it seems horrible.

As I go for a second bite, I feel cold arms encircle my shoulders, and a frozen burst of the breath on my shoulder.

I almost yelp in surprise and swivel around, but the arms pin me fully in place.

“Hello, love.” Edward whispers, and the words chill me even more than his arms had.

“Get off of me.” I struggle fruitlessly, dropping my sandwich on the counter.

“It’s alright.” He says kindly, resting his chin on my head with a sigh. “I know that this is a very confusing time for you, and you aren’t in your right mind.”

“I am very much in my right mind.” I snap. “Get off of me.”

“But, Bella-”

“No buts. Go away.” I give him a hateful glance and reach for my sandwich again, but before I can even take another bite, he grabs me by the chin and forces our lips together.

It feels like kissing a statue, horrible and wrong. I try to rip myself away, but he holds steady.

“That’s to bring you back, love.” Edward looks me up and down fondly, as though he’s just cuddling with a pet. “Did it work?”

Chapter Text

Jacob>>

My dad looks pissed.

Even in a wheelchair, the look that he gives me makes me think that he’d be able to run me down and put me in time-out, like I’m three again.

“Out of all the stupid things you’ve done, this is by far the worst.” He glares at me from across the table, his hands folded in front of him. I can’t help but squirm uncomfortably as Sam gives me an equally bad look.

“Sorry.”

“There is a treaty for a reason, Jacob. We don’t deal with the bloodsuckers lightly- especially when they are holding someone we care about hostage.” My dad shakes his head sadly. “Did you even stop to consider that this might make it worse? That you wouldn't help Bella, but hurt her instead?”

I stare at the carpet, my hands clenched. I hadn’t.

“Disgraceful.” He looks away, at Charlie. “You weren't supposed to know any of this. No human is supposed to.”

“My daughter did. I think that I should be allowed to, too.”

“Your daughter has repeatedly found herself in the worst situations that she can get herself into. Do you really want that to happen to you?”

“If it saves her, then yes.” Charlie looks like he’s about to stand up, lean over the table, and slap Billy right across the cheek.

I hope for all of our sakes that he doesn’t. I’ve stood witness to plenty of their fights, and none of them end pretty. Especially when Bella is in so much danger, we don’t have any time to waste on their arguments.

“I can still go to the Cullen’s house.” Chief Swan stands, looming over my dad. “I don’t break any treaties by going there, and it’s my daughter. I should be able to help.”

“Yes, but you don’t have the same protection that they do.” Billy gestures vaguely to Sam and I. “If the Cullens decided to take this to a violent level, you would be defenseless.”

To think that the leeches almost had me convinced that they were different. That they didn’t harm humans.

I should've known to never trust them.

“They wouldn’t.” Charlie frowns.

“You don’t know what they’re capable of.” My dad tells him coolly. “We have contacted their leader, and he has agreed to a meeting. Two of us, and two of them. It will take place on the boundary line at midnight.”

Midnight.

That was still too far away- almost three hours. I couldn’t wait that long to hear from Bella, I just couldn’t.

Every single second that I spent away from her became worse than the last- maybe even worse than when I thought that I had no chance and that she had chosen Cullen over me. Maybe this time it was different, because I knew that I could have her, and it wasn’t just some far-fetched dream.

If I had to go one more night without her body near mine, where I knew that she was safe, I wasn’t sure that I could be talked down by anyone anymore.

“Sam will go to represent us. And…” Billy frowns as he surveys my shaking body. “Jacob. I don’t want to send you to talk when you’re clearly not in a right state of mind, but I fear that you’ll find yourself there anyways.”

Sam nods, leaning against the wall of my living room.

“Until then… you’ll talk with Old Quil, Find out everything else he knows about the treaty.” Billy wheels himself away from the table. “I need a beer.”

******************

Bella>>

I can’t help but stare at Edward in shock as he smirks as though he’s just discovered the answer to the puzzle of life.

“...what?” I ask helplessly, sandwich dangling from my hand.

“Did it work?” He repeats.

“Oh, I heard you.” I lift the sandwich up to my face and inspect it carefully, plucking one pickle from the layers. “I’m just wondering if you’re being serious.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Edward moves to put his arms around me again, but I back away. “It’s worked all the times before.”

“Well, in ‘the times before’, I wasn’t being held against my will.” I point out, hefting my sandwich.

The boy shrugs. “Fair enough. I suppose that it was stupid of me to hope that you would fall victim to my charms once more.”

Charms? More like brainwashing.

The pickle flies from my hand before I realize that I’ve thrown it. It apparently catches Edward off guard, because he blinks as the vegetable splats against his perfectly white cheek.

“That was rude.” He wipes the juice from his face, holding the slice up in disgust.

“And I’ll do it again.” I raise the sandwich threateningly.

When I left my childhood home in Phoenix behind, I had never anticipated that I would someday be fighting my undead ex-fiance off with a pickle sandwich.

“Bella, love.” Edward’s voice is dangerously low as he tenderly lays the pickle onto the granite countertops. “Have you forgotten what a predator I am? Something as small as a pickle won’t deter me from what I really want.”

I would be kind of concerned if a pickle did deter him, honestly.

“What do you want?” I ask, an eyebrow arched.

“You.” He smiles in the same way that used to dazzle me, and now just leaves me feeling vaguely terrified. “You, and no one else. Your lips, your bed, and most of all, your love. It’s like a drug to both of us, I can feel it. I’ll die if I go without it.”

“I think that you’ve forgotten that I got clean.” I duck as Edward swings for me, feeling a spark of terror run down my spine until I realize that he’s only aiming for my sandwich. He knocks it out of my hand, leaving smears of ham and pickle juice all along the floor of Esme’s kitchen.

“There’s that fear that I thought you didn’t have.” He sounds almost as though he’s taunting me, even though I don’t think that he is.

“Well, you did just prove your brutality on my sandwich.” I point out, backing up against the cool metal of the fridge. There’s nowhere to go from here, and my heart pounds as Edward advances toward me.

“I could do much worse to you, you know.” Edward purrs, lifting my chin with one cold hand.

“I know. That’s why I left.” I say, ignoring the adrenaline spike. I can’t show him that he’s gotten to me. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Edward hesitates. “It was what I thought that I wanted in the beginning. But now, it would be near impossible to live without your sweet love, my dearest Bella.”

“You’re going to have to.” I square up to face him, balling my sweaty hands at my side.

He shakes his head. “No, I won’t. I’ll marry you, and you’ll see that this was all just an error in judgement, and you’ll become one of us. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”

“You’re not going to marry me, Edward.” I shake my head slowly, wincing as his fingers press harder into my jawline.

“I will. I vowed to.”

“Edward.” I say, exasperated. “If there ever was a moment that I wished you could read my mind, I really wish that this was it. I’m not going to marry you, and you… threatening me isn’t going to change that. It’s only making me believe that I did the right thing by leaving you at the altar.”

His perfect face crumples. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do. I really do.”

This feels right, but also wrong at the same time. I can’t believe that I’m telling Edward that I don’t want to marry him when just a short time ago I wanted to with every bone in my body. But I know that it’s for the best- now that I’m not blinded by the love I once held for him.

“Bella, Bella, Bella.” Edward whispers my name like a prayer. “I know you don’t mean that. I just know that you don’t.”

“For an all-knowing immortal, you really are dense sometimes.” I remark, pulling away from him. He doesn’t put up a fight, merely standing like a statue, staring off into the distance.

“So I’ve heard.” He says sadly.

Oh, no. Not that tone again. I almost feel compelled to take back my words, just so that I don’t hurt him- hurt the love of my life.

I shake my head, forcing myself to snap out of it. I refuse to think like this, not when it’ll just hurt everyone even worse if I allow myself to be taken with Edward’s charm once more.

“Good. You’ll hear it again.” I look up into Edward’s amber eyes with a sorrowful smile. “And again. And again, until you learn that the world doesn’t revolve around you, and when a girl says no, she means no.”

“No?” He asks, as though he’s never heard the word, his eyebrows forming a thick knot along his brow.

“No.” I tell him once more, pushing him further away. “Not now, not ever.”

**********************

Jacob>>

There are five minutes left until midnight, and I’ve never felt more nervous.

Sam threatened me about a dozen times, telling me all of the ways that this could go wrong if I act out of line, and I hear them even now, swirling through my head like a tornado cutting through a town.

/Jacob, your worries are not helping me keep calm./ Sam tells me, inclining his head slightly.

/Sorry./ I wince.

I need to stay calm. I need to keep the tremor out of my limbs and keep my mind steady, otherwise this could all go wrong, and I’d never see Bella again.

If I never saw Bella again, I think that I would die.

I wonder if that’s really what it would be like, just like how it felt when the Cullens came back and ruined all of my perfect plans to get Bella to fall in love with me, without her having to lose any part of her free will.

Like I’m standing before a speeding train, and it’s getting faster and faster, but I’m unable to move.

Or would it be just like these anxious thoughts? Would they eventually just become too much and they would take my heartbeat away?

/Will you stop?/ Sam demands. /Your horrible thoughts are making me nervous./

/Sorry./ I apologize for the second time, staring up at the stars, which seem dimmer than usual.

Then, as we sit there on the treaty line, waiting and watching, two pale-white leeches, the moonlight glinting off of their glittered skin, step out of the woods.

Chapter Text

Jacob>>

Sam stares at the two emerging from the trees, and the shorter of them holds his hands up in surrender.

“Peaceful meeting, remember?” Carlisle reminds us with a subtle smile. “I am glad that you agreed to this. I would hate to have us come to a fight because of a simple misunderstanding.” He seems genuine, as though he thinks stealing my Bella away is nothing but a ‘misunderstanding’.

/Calm down, Jacob./ Sam tells me for what must be the seventh time yet.

The other leech is the one covered in scars, who told us what we needed to know to fight the newborns. He crosses his arms and stares at us, his expression making me shiver a little. I have no problem boasting that I could beat any of the leeches, but he’s got enough experience that it makes me wary just to be around him.

/Sam, how are we gonna talk to them?/ I wonder. /Cul- Edward’s not here./

Sam sighs. /I thought that he would be. My mistake./

The leeches seem to be waiting for something.

With Sam’s signal, I phase back going for the sweatpants dangling loosely around my ankle. Doctor Fang seems offended by the nudity, almost, his hand going to his heart. I would have thought that he’d seen enough nudity by now, working in a hospital.

The scarred one merely smirks.

I think that Bella told me that his name was Jasper. I wasn’t too concerned about his name back when the red-headed leech was running about, and if it wasn’t important to her, I never would have learned it.

Sam has already stepped forward by the time I’m dressed, eyeing the two with a dangerous look. “So, I’ve heard that you have a human held hostage in your home.”

Carlisle winces. “I wouldn’t call it being held hostage. She’s perfectly safe and happy. My wife and I decided that it was best if she wasn’t… left alone until we came to a conclusion on the matter.”

“So, a hostage.” I interject, and Sam shoots me a glare.

“Well… yes.” The doctor admits, looking rather ashamed. “I have already spoken to my youngest on this matter… he and his sister have apologized.”

“So, when will you let the girl go?” Sam asks, already looking annoyed with the way that the leeches are dancing around the questions asked.

Carlisle raises his eyebrows. “Members of my family would like me to say not for a while. She was, after all, about to become one of us.”

I can’t help but snort at that. “It’s not my fault that she realized you guys were terrible.”

“Jacob…” Sam growls with a warning.

“She is human. Her psyche is fragile, and we may have pushed her just a little too hard.” The doctor admits. “We all realize that now.”

“She’s not fragile.” Sam looks as though he wishes he hadn’t brought me along.

This is why Bella wasn’t right for Cullen. I had to hate him because of what we were, but I had to admire his loyalty. However, the fact that he had decided that Bella was nothing more than a child who had no idea what she was doing angered me.

Even as the angry thoughts sweep through my mind, a peaceful wave flows over me.

Suddenly, I can’t remember why we were fighting.

“Don’t do that.” Sam glares at the scarred leech, shaking his own wave of peace off.

The leech shrugs. “It’s a peaceful meeting.”

I had forgotten that he could do that. It makes me realize why Carlise brought him along and not Edward, as Sam thought he would.

“Yes, well, we’ve got a few demands.” Oh, good, he’s getting to the point now. “Release the girl. Let her go home. You don’t own her.”

“Well, we don’t know how this will affect the treaty.” The doctor chooses every one of his words carefully.

Then it hits me, all in a sickening wave.

They’re keeping Bella as a bargaining chip. These leeches don’t care about her at all- they’re just worried that they’ll be attacked as soon as they set her free.

“We won’t attack.” Sam tells him. “We just want the girl.’

Carlisle nods. “That could be… possible.”

What does he mean, ‘possible’? It will happen, and it will happen tonight, otherwise I will storm the house myself.

Another wave of calm washes over me, and I fight it away with a snarl, glaring at the scarred leech.

“Jasper, enough.” Carlisle tells him, and he dips his head obligingly.

“The treaty states that we have the right to attack if any human is in danger.” Sam speaks over us. “This more than qualifies as danger.”

“No. It doesn’t, by the standards of the treaty. We have no intention of killing the girl.”

The girl. When was that what she became, instead of ‘Bella’? When will these leeches realize that she’s not a pet or a bargaining chip?

My friend pauses, and I can see him cursing the parts that he didn’t go over with Old Quil. “She is. Your son has every intention to turn her.”

“Actually, he doesn’t.” To my surprise, it’s the scarred leech, Jasper, that speaks. “Edward wanted her to remain human for as long as possible. He wasn’t going to turn her after the wedding, as she had hoped, but until after college, at the earliest. You can ask any member of our family.”

That should make me feel relieved, but it doesn’t. Bella had told me that the only reason that she was alright with the wedding being rushed was that she knew that she would be immortal by the end of it.

Cullen. I was growing to hate the name more than ever.

“Still.” Sam is growing irritated, I can tell. The leeches must know, too. “She is in danger, and she is under protection of the pack.”

More specifically, she’s under my protection.

“She is under our protection, too. And, the best way for us to ensure her safety is to keep her here with us.” Carlisle speaks as though we’re capable of nothing, mere children.

That’s what we should be. Children, if we hadn’t been forced into this lifestyle by the vampires that decided to come back.

Sam and I exchange a look, and I nod.

We had agreed to keep Bella and I’s entanglement a secret for as long as we could, as I would hate for her to hear that from a leech and not me. But, if it was necessary to get her back, I would tell them anything.

“It also is a direct injury to a member of the pack.” Sam informs the leeches. “Insult, provocation, and injury.”

“There has been no fighting, so there have been no injuries.” Carlise’s eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“There have been.” I say. Here goes nothing. “Bella is my imprint. Our souls are tied together, and every second she’s gone, it feels like a knife in the chest. I was willing to let her go with Cullen, if that was what was best for her, but she came back.’ I point to Carlise, making sure he hears every single one of my words. “You hear that? She came back to me. She left him for me.”

The doctor’s eyes widen. It feels great to have something over him.

Edward must have not told his father. After all, he knew, from his mind-reading, that Bella was my imprint, and I had been waiting for her to fall in love with me to reveal it.

I was surprised that he had actually kept the secret. It seemed like the leech thing to do, to promise something, turn around, and take it right back.

“My apologies.” He dips his head as some measure of apology, apparently. “We had no idea. We had no idea that this had happened until we returned from a brief venture to Alaska last night, and found Bella sitting with Edward and Alice.”

At the mention of Alice’s name, the scarred leech twitches. He must be her mate, if I recall correctly. It probably doesn’t make him feel very good that she was an accomplice to this whole thing.

“So, we need her back. Tonight.” Sam demands, and a thrill rushes through my veins. Yes, this is what I needed. I needed to know that she would be back soon.

“I’m afraid that that’s just not possible.” Carlisle informs us, and my heart drops to my toes. What does he mean, it’s not possible?

She has to be back- I need to see that she’s fine, that she’s not hurt, that she hasn’t been turned into one of them-

“Jacob.” Sam warns me under his breath, and I realize that I was shaking again. About to shift, which wouldn’t be good for this meeting or my last pair of sweatpants.

“Sorry.” I whisper back.

Carlisle’s eyes dart between us. “Now, I understand that this must be very distressing to you, but she will be free to go home soon, I believe. There are just a few things that we have to set in order with her first.”

Like what? Stealing her humanity?

I bunch my fists at my sides, trying to calm the shaking. I can’t do this, I can’t stand here as they talk about Bella like this, I just can’t-

“Jacob.” Sam says again, drawing my attention. “Do you need to leave?”

When I look up at him, I realize that it isn’t a threat, he’s genuinely concerned, more for me than the fate of the ‘peaceful’ meeting.

“I’m fine.”

I have to be fine. For Bella’s sake.

I don’t know if I could live with myself if something happened to her because of this meeting, because of something that I did.

“What is it that has to be set in order? Can it be something that can happen from her home, instead?”

Carlisle and Jasper lock eyes, a worried glance passing between them.

It makes me dread whatever they’re about to say next- whatever will happen.

“Edward has requested time alone with her.”

I can feel my eyes widen, and the shaking becomes just a dull hum as I focus on the doctor and the scarred leech. They have allowed this? After seeing what became of her after their family was the only influence in her life, after seeing the broken, empty shell of her?

“He believes that he can win her back.”

“Jacob!” Sam shouts, not even trying to be subtle this time. I realize, as the roar subsides, that I’ve taken a few steps forward, my toes almost crossing the treaty line.

“Leave. Now.” We lock eyes, and I can see the desperation in my expression reflected in his.

I turn to leave, my heart pounding in my ears. I can’t do this, I can't-

I can’t just do nothing as they admit that Edward is trying to get her to marry him again. I can’t lose her again, not after I know that she could have been mine.

“We have set the wedding date for the twenty-first of December, the winter solstice. Hopefully, that will give her enough time to acclimate to us again-”

However many steps away I’ve taken, It’s not enough.

After all, with eyes clouded with bloodlust for bloodless creatures, my wolf only takes two leaps to reach the doctor, my paws reaching for his marble throat.

Chapter Text

Jacob>>

Time seems to slow as I leap for the doctor.

I can remember every single kind thing that he’s done for me. Healing me after the battle with the newborns,de-escalating conflicts between us and the more volatile leeches in his coven.

All of it fades away in a haze of fury.

I hate him.

Bella is mind- she said it herself. Or something close to it. And I have a claim that extends far beyond their silly vampire feelings.

I want blood.

Before I can pin the doctor down, I’m thrown to the side by something insufferably cold.

I can’t help but yelp as I fall into the tree and struggle to get up. Something cracks- probably a rib. Or two. I’ve broken so many bones by this point that I’ve forgotten what physical
pain is truly like.

“Jacob!” I can hear Sam shout, and then the weight is lifted off of me.

I struggle to my feet, cold adrenaline coursing through my veins. I need to help Sam- if he gets killed because I couldn’t control myself-

Sam has the leech pinned, although it’s clear that he’s losing control.

“Wait! Stop!” Carlisle calls, true fear in his voice. “Don’t do anything!”

They’re over the treaty line, and he knows it. This is grounds for us to attack and get Bella back.

/Jacob, get out of here!/ Sam says to me through the mental bond. /Go get the others!/

/I’m not leaving you to deal with this!/ I jump forward as the leech struggles free from Sam’s pin, and launches himself at my friend’s neck.

Sam dodges, but the leech is right on his heels, sprinting after him.

“Jasper! Stop!” Carlisle shouts again. “Don’t hurt them!”

It’s funny that he thinks that that leech could get either of us hurt.

Despite the doctor’s efforts, Jasper isn’t backing down. His eyes are pitch black, and he looks like he’s forgotten what peace is. The expression on his face makes me pause for a moment, wondering if Sam and I really can get him down.

“Jasper!”

I dive for him, tackling him off of Sam’s back and into a tree, which shudders with the impact, splinters raining all around us.

He fights like the devil he is, but it’s no use. I have him pinned- hunting is what we’re made for, after all. In a regular fight, I would be hesitant to say that I could beat him, but in my adrenaline-fueled rage, he’s no match for me.

/Jacob!/ Sam shouts through the bond again, making me wince. /Get off of him!/

I pause, turning to see his nod of confirmation before backing off of the leech, who makes a last-ditch attempt to break one of my paws as I let him up.

“My apologies.” Carlisle tells me with a slight bow as we return to the line. “I didn’t think my words through completely.”

If I wasn’t a giant wolf right now, I would be swearing hard enough to make the old man clutch his strings of pearls.

Sam is the first to shift back. “You’ve crossed the line, Carlisle.”

He looks taken aback. “We have not. This is a peaceful meeting.”

“It was until Jasper crossed the line.” Sam points to the invisible boundary line drawn between the two of us.

“Jacob crossed it first.” The doctor tries, but I can see in his eyes that he knows he’s wrong.

“Jacob’s feet never crossed the line.” My leader smiles, a cold grin to match the calculated look in his eyes. “Jasper tackled him before he could.”

Carlisle flinches. “Yes, but he showed aggression to us-”

“You’ve shown aggression to us many more times.”

“Yes, but-”

“Admit it.” Sam shakes his head with a victorious look. “You’ve lost. You’ve broken the treaty, and we’re entitled to chase you away.”

He knows that Sam is right. I can see it in his eyes- and the apology in Jasper’s as he realizes the spot we landed is about ten feet over the line on our side.

“We can be reasonable about this.” Carlisle has started to back away into the trees, perhaps thinking that we don’t notice.

We do.

“Release her.” I shiver as Sam speaks. His voice sounds like that of a true chief- like someone who could stand up to my father or Old Quil.

“We-” Carlisle’s voice is cut off as he and Jasper turn and run. I brace myself, ready to go after them, but Sam lays a hand on my shoulder, holding me back.

“We’re not a match for all seven of them. We need to go back.”

“But-” I protest.

I need Bella tonight. I need to see her, make sure that she’s alright. It’s been more than twenty hours since I whispered good-bye to her, her sleepy face in the bed that we shared, her hair twined around my fingers.

“Fall back. It worked in our favor this time… I don’t know if we’ll be so lucky next time.” Sam phases, hitting the ground running. I follow, sprinting through the trees.

/We need everyone else. Go wake Quil and Jared. I’ll get Paul and the Clearwaters./

I notice that he’s left out Brady and Collin, the two youngest of our group, out of it. Almost like he’s worried that it’ll come to an actual fight.

Embry’s already awake, I know. We left him behind at Emily’s house as someone that we could contact if we needed backup.

I take off in the opposite direction as Sam, sprinting for Quil’s house. I’ll get Jared second, and put off having to see Kim in his memories as long as I can.

We’re getting Bella back tonight. I know that we will. We’ll attack while they’re confused and disoriented, trying to figure out what to do next.

I will see her face soon.

I will.

I have to.

***********************

Bella>>

The Cullen brought me exactly one thin sheet to sleep in, and on the couch, next to the windows, it is exceptionally cold.

I can’t help but shiver, laying on the couch that looks cute but is in reality very uncomfortable. It’s almost one in the morning, based on the clock on the oven, and it’s very hard to sleep when there’s a vampire staring you down to make sure that you escape.

“Alice, can you please get me another blanket?” I ask the pixie-like girl in the corner for what seems to be the hundredth time. “I promise that I won’t run away.”

Alice shakes her head. “No, Bella. You know that I can’t risk you slipping away while I’m gone.”

I shoot her a dirty look. “It takes you two seconds to get to the spare closet. I can’t even take a full breath in two seconds.”

She shrugs. ‘Sorry, Bella. Carlisle’s orders.”

Carlisle and Jasper left about an hour ago, under some mysterious ‘meeting’ that no one will tell me about. I’m guessing that they’re meeting with the wolves.

Jacob has to be back by now. He has to be fighting to get me back- I just know that he will.

I need him. It feels like every second that I spend away from him makes my temperature just drop lower, craving his heat. It has been exactly twenty-one hours since I last saw his smile, and that is entirely too long ago.

“Alice, please.’ I try to put an extra whimper in my voice. “You don’t want me to suffer like this, do you? I need sleep.”

The girl hesitates, but shakes it off. “You’ll be fine for five more hours.”

I open my mouth to say something else, but a loud bang in the front of the house interrupts me.

“Everyone in the living room!” I could recognize Carlise’s voice in my sleep, but it seems… frightened, almost. Like he’s scared.

Good. I hope that he is.

If it really was a meeting with the wolves, that is. If it was with, say, the Volturi, I would think that I would need to fear for my life and I might as well say that I want daisies at my funeral.

In mere seconds, the entirety of the family is crowded around the couch, and I sit up in confusion.

“What’s going on?” I ask, but I’m immediately talked over.

“Alice, can you get a prediction?” Carlisle asks his daughter, who nods and closes her eyes, searching the future. Whatever she sees makes her nose wrinkle, like she’s just smelled something bad.

“It’s not much use. I can’t see any of them.” She makes a frustrated noise, and Jasper moves to pat her shoulder comfortingly.

Emmett and Rosalie are only half-dressed, as though they’ve been caught in some sort of illicit act. Knowing what Edward has said about their relationship, they probably were, something that I cringe to think about.

Esme stands at the top of the stairs, wringing her fingers nervously. Edward is beside her, whispering something to her.

“All I can see is…” She locks eyes with Edward, who’s eyebrows shoot up. “Everything’s changed. Nothing works.”

Carlisle makes a frustrated noise. “I am sorry- it was my own slip of tongue that caused this. I made the mistake of mentioning the date as the boy walked away, and it angered him enough to phase. He probably would have killed me if it weren’t for Jasper, but he stepped over the line.”

Jasper looks ashamed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s quite alright.” Carlisle presses a finger to his temple, as if trying to dispel a headache.

I wrap the thin sheet tightly around my shoulders, daring to stand amidst the crowd. They’ve broken the treaty. I think. That’s what it sounds like at least.

Was ‘the boy’ Jacob?

I would never advocate for violence, but just the possibility that Jacob, my calm, sweet Jacob, was driven to bloodlust because Carlise mentioned something about me makes me happier than I can admit.

“We need to get Bella out of here. They’re going to be coming to the house- and fast. Soon. Within the hour.” Alice’s words all but fall out from between her lips as she stares off into the distance. “We need to get out of here before they can.”

Edward nods. “Bella’s protection is our top priority.”

This seems eerily familiar to another fast-paced night- one that almost ended in disaster. Only, now, I’m not a willing participant in it.

Unlike when we were on the run from James, I will be trying to get away every single stage of the journey. Far away from the Cullens.

“Alright.” Carlisle’s eyes dart around. “Esme, darling, go with Jasper and try to confuse the wolves' senses, just the way we’ve done before. There is a basket of Bella’s worn clothes in Alice’s room, use those.”

He turns to me for the briefest second before shaking his head. “Edward, you and I will take your Volvo. They will expect you to be with her. She will go with Alice and Emmett in Rosalie’s car.”

“No way.” Rosalie hisses. “They are not taking my car. I am not spending another ten years on modifications to another one.”

“Please, Rose.” Esme says, locking eyes with her. “We need to keep Bella safe.”

“Well, kidnapping her is a horrible way to say that!” The blonde crosses her arms across her chest. “I know that I can't stop you, and you all know my stance on this, but I will not be helping with this. And neither will my car.”

I meet her black-rimmed eyes, startled. I knew that she didn’t agree with me becoming a vampire, but I would have assumed that she would be indifferent to my kidnapping, as long as I was still human.

In hindsight, I don’t know why I thought that. It’s obvious that Rosalie has never, ever wanted me entangled in anything with her family. For her reasons as well as a want for my safety, it seems.

Carlisle sighs. “Alright. You can stay here and explain to the wolves, then.” He turns abruptly, shooing everyone but Emmett and Alice down the stairs.

It looks like it’s about to be a very long night.

Chapter Text

“Emmett, you drive.” Alice tosses the keys to her brother, jumping into the passenger seat of the Jeep. “Quick.”

I test the backseat handle and mentally groan.

Locked.

Emmett backs out of the garage, locking eyes with Carlise and nodding as he begins to drive. I test the lock once more, hoping that I may have been hallucinating the first time.

Nope. It’s definitely locked.

If only I had had the foresight to ignore Edward when he told me that I should. If I hadn’t been drawn in by that beautiful boy that sat beside me in Biology and told me things that made me imagine an entire life with him.

Or, if only he had never left. I’m sure that I could have been happy with him, not knowing that there could be something different, and that I could enjoy my life while being alive.

Emmett drives faster than he should, taking every turn at a hundred miles an hour. I cringe every single time one set of tires lifts off of the ground, wrapping my arms around myself.

“It’s alright, Bella.” Alice reassures me, turning back to stare at me. “Emmett’s a perfectly competent driver.” She looks at her brother with a mocking grin. “It may be one of the only things he’s good at.”

“Hey.” Emmett protests, ignoring the fifty miles an hour limit sign as he flies by it. “I’m good at plenty of things.”

Would I die if I jumped out of the Jeep, even if the door was unlocked?

I kind of want to find out, I realize, with a cold shock down my spine. I would rather jump than have to spend the rest of my life with cold, unfeeling creatures. But, I can’t. It would hurt Jacob far more than it would hurt me, and I’m done hurting people.

“Turn here.” Alice points to a gravel backroad.

That makes no sense. If we were trying to get away as fast as possible, we wouldn’t go down a gravel road that likely has no end.

What does Alice have planned?

I don’t know, but it can’t be good.

*******************

Jacob>>

/Jacob, slow down. You’re getting ahead./ Embry pants, trying to catch up.

We’ve split up, just like Sam said the Cullens have. Him, Quil, and Jared hunt down the leader, Paul, Seth, and Leah, go after the ones trailing their scent through the forest, and Embry and I have taken the job of finding the ones getting the furthest away.

/I can’t./ I only speed up. /She’s close. I can smell it./

The leeches must have been driving much faster than they should have been- something that makes me extremely anxious, knowing exactly who in the vehicle will be hurt the worst.

Hint: it’s not one of the ones who want to be there.

/Jacob!/ Embry calls again, nimbly dodging a tree. /Stop!/

I sigh and slow, letting him catch up with me. He has a better sense of smell than me, after all. Maybe he found something that I didn’t. /What?/

/They’ve branched off. We’re heading in the wrong direction./

My blood runs cold at that. /What?/

/They’re getting further away./

I lift my nose to the air and take a deep breath.

He’s right, They’ve taken a path that no one would have thought- a road that I’ve driven many times, trying to get Bella off of my mind.

But, there’s nothing down there. Nothing but an old, secluded cabin that must be used as some rich guy’s retreat, because despite never seeing anyone there, it’s always clean and well-furbished.

There’s no one around for miles in either direction.

A horrifying thought strikes me as I whip my head at Embry and nod, sprinting towards the new location.

What if that’s exactly what the leeches want?

*******************

Bella>>

“Go. Faster.” Alice urges, pushing Emmett’s shoulder.

“I can’t!” He argues. “It’s a gravel road, Alice. I don’t want to flip over.”

“Then what’s the use of this stupid sports vehicle?” She snarls, smacking the dash hard enough to leave a dent, to which her brother frowns.

“Rude.”

“Go faster!”

I wonder if the trees would cushion my fall if I were to jump out, or if I would be entirely doomed.

I don’t know where they’re taking me, but there’s not one other person around, and, for some reason, that makes me incredibly nervous. I never thought that I’d be this nervous around Alice and Emmett- one of the strongest men I knew and a girl that could see any threat coming our way.

But, now knowing who she considers to be a threat, it’s not a comforting thought.

I hug my knees to my chest, resting my head on the top of them. I don’t know what to do. There's not much that I can do, is there? Just a typical damsel in distress, after all.

A human among supernaturals, finding herself in every horrible situation that she could. Edward used to tease me about it, but I had never realized the true gravity of it until now.

What if I couldn’t trust the creatures that I was with? Just one look into Alice’s desperate eyes was enough to convince me that I couldn’t fully trust the Cullens any longer.

“Get out.” Alice tugs at my arm, and I can feel a rush of cool air as I lift my head.

The door to the Jeep is wide open, and we’ve parked in some sort of… cabin spot? There’s a quaint, wooden building standing in the corner, looking like something that would have been on Renee’s travel list.

“Get inside.” She prods at my back, and I wince. “Oh. I’m sorry- I hadn’t realized how rough I was being.” Alice casts a wary glance over her shoulder. “But you need to get in. We don’t have much longer.”

“Much longer for what?” I raise an eyebrow, my pulse pounding in my ears.

“For…” She exchanges a cautious look with Emmett as he slams the door to the Jeep. “You’ll see. Get inside.”

I don’t have much of a choice in the matter, but I do wince as Alice rips the door off of its hinges. That’ll definitely be expensive to replace- I hope that Carlise compensates the owners.

“Your surprise is upstairs!” Alice tells me, suddenly sounding much too chipper for her own good. Or mine.

“Oh?” I wonder. Knowing Alice, it could be anything from plane tickets to Hawaii to an albino tiger bought from a trader in Russia.

“You’re going to love it!” She says breathlessly. It’s just like Alice to be excited like this… maybe this whole thing was some sort of elaborate prank? Just a birthday present?

But my birthday is in September, not June.

Maybe she forgot?

But Alice doesn’t forget things like that.

I can’t shake the feelings of uneasiness as she leads me up the stairs, my hands bound behind my back in her stone grip. I feel like I’m a prisoner- like I’m going to death row, for some reason. This must be what they mean when they say ‘a feeling of impending doom’.

“Let's go!” Alice says impatiently. “We’re almost out of time! Hurry, or you’ll miss it?”

… was I kidnapped to witness an early-morning fireworks show?

My friend shoves the door to the upstairs bedroom wide open, almost tearing it off of its hinges the way that she did the front one. “It’s in the closet!”

Oh. So it is clothes.

Great. The worst fright of my life, and it’s all because Alice wanted a new, spunky way to introduce me to my new outfit?

I hate this family. And I mean it this time.

“Sit down!” She shoves me onto the bed hard enough to make me glad for the large amount of pillow positioned upon it.

Then, Alice disappears into the closet, leaving me pondering my existence in an empty room.

Based on the pictures on the walls, this place belongs to an older couple, a man who wears khakis in every single photo and a woman with a passion for clothes that drape and glitter. Just Alice’s type.

Did she break into someone’s house for an outfit reveal?

Goodness. I love Alice’s… well, Alice-ness, but this is taking it way too far. My dad will have to fill out an unholy amount of paperwork for property damage in the Forks area.

Alice bustles out of the closet with a large garment bag held in her white hands. “Here it is! I just know that you’ll love it!”

I eye the bag with suspicion. I, somehow, believe that I will not love this.

She unzips the bag with an enormous smile, letting the layers of white tulle and satin fabric spring free from the zippers it was contained in.

My mouth falls to the floor at about the same time as my heart as I take in the sight of a wedding dress that must weigh more than me, dripping in jewels that I wholeheartedly believe are one hundred percent real diamonds.

“Tada!” Alice exclaims, removing the dress from its bag.

I have a bad feeling about this.

“You ruined the last one, so I got a new one ordered! It was totally on point for you to do that, though, because that dress was horrible compared to this one.” The girl makes a fake gagging noise while thrusting the large item of clothing towards me. “Here! Try it on!”

My skin feels cold, and I can hear every single beat of my heart in the back of my throat. “Alice… what is this for?”

She laughs, as though I’ve just said the most hilarious thing in the world. “Your wedding, of course!”

“...But…” I’m truly speechless, staring at the gown. It’s surely surpassed ‘dress’ status, now ranking as a full-on ballgown. “I’m not getting married?”

“Yes, you are!” Alice’s amber eyes gleam with delight as she rips the white t-shirt off of my chest, the gesture enough to make me gasp with shock. “Try it on!”

“But…’ One look from Alice tells me that I better do as I’m told, and try on the damn dress.

I stand, goosebumps spreading across my mostly bare torso as she hums, throwing the gown over my head. “Turn around so I can button it up.” She instructs me, forcing me to turn with a flick of her wrists.

This is horrible.

I fight back tears as I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the floor-length mirror in the corner. I look wretched, my hair a mess, deep circles under my eyes, and pasty skin. I don’t look like a bride, I look like a prisoner.

Alice does up the back quickly, her swift fingers closing the opening much faster than any human could. “There! Take a look at yourself!”

On wobbly legs, I walk towards the mirror.

It feels like I’m in a trance, almost. Like I’m walking in a dream.

No, not a dream.

A nightmare.

The dress is even prettier than the first, with the same general design, just with a lot more tulle and jewels. It must cost a fortune- and it itches like it was made from a flour sack.

I- can’t.

I burst into tears as Alice adjusts the cuffs.

“Oh! Bella!” She cradles my face with a worried expression. “It’s alright. It’ll be over soon.”

“I’m …not g-getting married to-today.” I manage to hiccup out, taking massive, shuddering breaths.

Alice nods. “You’re right, You aren’t. Honestly, Bella, was that what you were so afraid of?” She smiles with glee, twisting bits of tulle around her fingers to fluff it out.

“W-well… yeah…” I admit. Is this just some elaborate dress-up game? I’m not being forced to be married today?

“It’ll be over soon, I swear.” Alice promises. “You’ll be married in the winter, at the height of the solstice. Today is special for an entirely different reason.”

“...what is that?” I ask, my voice still shaky and my eyes faintly blurry.

“You’re being turned, of course.” Alice says it so matter-of-a-factly that I can almost believe that she didn;t say it at all.

“We were just going to do it at the house, but I wanted it to be special.., a good memory for you, unlike anyone else. I want you to be different, Bella… of course…”

She says more, but I don’t register it, only staring in horror as she reaches for my arm.

Alice doesn’t intend to marry me to her brother to make me her sister.

She’s going to kill me instead.

Chapter Text

Alice gently lifts my wrist, peering at it with odd satisfaction. “It would be a shame if I accidentally lost control- you do smell rather good. Maybe I should wait for Edward… No, no.”

“Alice-” I start, trying to pull my arm away from her iron grip.

“What?” She asks, her wide amber eyes full of curiosity. “You want this. And I want Edward to stop moping around and be kind once in a while.”

“I don’t want this,” I tell her, leaning backward and wincing as her fingers dig into my skin hard enough to bruise. “I like being human.”

The girl laughs. “No, you don’t. No one likes being human- especially if there’s another option.”

“Let go of me.”

“I’m afraid that I can’t do that, Bella.”

“Alice,” I say her name with true fear- something that I would have never thought I would do.

“Come here, Bella. It will be worse if you fight it.” She commands, gently tugging on my arm to bring me back.

I need time. Surely someone will be able to find me here… right?

Someone will.

“Can you tell me about the dress?” I ask, the words spilling out over each other. “It’s very pretty.”

“Oh!” Alice straightens, dropping my arm. “Thank you! It’s vintage -remodeled, of course, I would never be subject to someone wearing clothing leftovers on their wedding day- It’s from one of Carlise’s old friends! I didn’t have time to get another custom one, with the limited amount of time that I had, but I think that I did well.”

“You did.”

I hate this thing.

“Thanks.” The girl beams. “I figured that you should have something nice for your turning day, after all. How symbolic is it that you get to wear the dress that you’ll marry the one you turned for during this? I was very proud of myself for coming up with it.” She pats my waist with a sigh. “Of course, we’ll have to alter a few spots, but it will be no hassle. Especially now that you will actually be able to sit still!”

That’s even more twisted than I thought it would be.

“Very cool.” I choose my words slowly and deliberately. There’s no need to fuel her ideas any more than I have to in order to escape.

“I know!” She practically squeals. “Anyways, where were we?”

“I don’t know.” I lie, making sure that my arms are behind my back and as far away from her as they can be.

“Oh! Right!” Alice says and grabs my arm, quicker than I’m able to hide it. “Let’s begin! The sooner we get this over with, the better… it would be a shame for you to murder your wedding guests, after all.”

“I’ll be fine. Why don’t we wait?” I ask, staring at her bared teeth in horror that I’m unable to hide.

“Why would we? It’s perfect here.”

“So that Edward can be here.” I shrug. “I would like him to witness it, that’s all.”

“Oh.” Alice pouts. “That’s true.”

She gently releases my arm as my heart pounds in my ears. I’ve done it.

I’ve done it.

Then, as if life can’t let me have any sort of satisfaction, Emmett bursts through the door with a massive bang, throwing it across the room, where it hits a window and shatters it. “They’re close! We have to go!”

The man spies me in the wedding dress and frowns. “...what are you wearing?”

“We’re not going anywhere.’ Alice growls, her posture going rigid. For a split second, I can almost imagine the tiny girl fighting Emmett… and winning. “We have to do it now.”

“Do what now?” He asks, tilting his head in genuine confusion.

“Turn her, Emmett!” She shakes her head. “Honestly, you’re just so dense!”

“Aw.” He winces. “But… wasn’t Carlise going to do that with a syringe? So that we wouldn’t accidentally kill her?”

“But it’ll be too late! We can't have her killing people at her own wedding, it will totally mess with the atmosphere.” Alice says matter-of-a-factly, lifting my arm to her teeth.

“Uh…” Emmett glances out the shattered window, where I can hear howls echoing in the distance.

Jacob.

I just have to hold on a little longer.

“I need you to hold Rosalie back.” Alice gives Emmett a meaningful look. “She knows what I’m doing, and she’s planning to stop it. She will be here in exactly a minute, or forty-five seconds if she takes the cutoff.”

He nods, although it seems unsure. “You didn’t talk to the others?”

“No!” Alice lashes out, yanking my arm hard enough to make me yelp. “This is the only way that I can see she ends up with us! Otherwise, the dogs will take her away from me!”

“...okay…” Emmett shrugs. “I’ll talk to Rose. See if she can stay away for a while.”

“Thank you.” Alice beams. “I knew that you would understand.”

As Emmett turns and leaves, the girl fixes her eyes on me. “And, for you…”

“Alice… Please don’t…” I ask slowly, trying to not cry again. Or, maybe I should? Maybe it would help somehow if she saw me weak.

“I’m sorry, Bella. It’s what’s best.” She shakes her head sadly, baring her teeth as she lifts my arm to her mouth.

I try to pull away, but her grip is stone.

I can only watch in horror as she plunges her teeth into my hand, careful not to rip the skin.

“Alice…” I try to say, before the burning hits. It’s the exact same spot that James bit- in fact, her teeth marks cover the scarred area.

“Thank you for understanding.” She says formally, catching me and laying me on the neatly made bed.

It’s the last thing that feel before the pain hits- the fire, ripping through my soul and my body and making it impossible to feel anything at all-

**************

Jacob>>

I nearly stumble over the logs as I scramble for the house. The leech’s scent has stopped- and with it, a familiar, beautifully faint human smell that draws me in closer.

I feel warmer as I race towards Bella- like my body’s giving back my comfort as I near her.

/Hurry./ I tell Embry, who is still falling far behind.

/I am./

/Not enough./

/Aw, screw you./

I try to think of a clever retort, but then a horrible, cleaving pain hits. It feels almost like someone has sliced my head clean down the center- a wound that can’t be fixed with mere healing. I yelp and stumble, almost careening to the ground.

/Jacob?/ Embry asks, worried.

/She- It’s-/

What are they doing to her?

I can’t tell if it’s physical or mental pain, and I don’t know which one I would prefer it be. I’ve worked so hard with her over the last few weeks, trying to build her shattered confidence back up from the ground up. If a leech dares break that with one blow-

/We need to go faster./ I tell Embry, tilting my head back to howl once more, signaling the rest of the pack to where we are. They’ve all tuned out each other’s thoughts- they won’t notice more panic from me.

Maybe he gets how urgent this is because he picks up the pace this time.

I sprint faster and faster, trying to beat back the horrible ache in my head and the deep, deep feeling that something is entirely wrong.

*****************

Bella>>

I can only feel pain. I can’t see, either- and, somehow, it’s worse than the first time I was bitten. That time, Edward was already beside me, sucking the venom out.

Is it too late now?

Who would even turn me human again? There was no one who would know what to do and be willing to do it that could get here in time.

I was completely and utterly alone.

At least, that’s what it felt like. I could hear Alice’s soothing voice as she held my hand, telling me that it would be alright and that she was deeply sorry that this had to happen, but, alas, it was necessary.

Pain.

Alice’s words, aimed to comfort, but just burrowing arrows deeper into my already hurting flesh with each sentence spoken.

Pain.

And then, I hear Alice hiss in shock.

“Rosalie.”

“What are you doing?” There’s a new voice, full of shock and horror. “Alice, what have you done?”

“Nothing that didn’t need to be done.” The girl insists, gathering my limp body closer to herself. “It’ll be alright now, Rose. All will be as it should be.”

“This is horrible!” There’s a new set of hands on my body, trying to tug me away from Alice. I can’t quite tell who it is- although, based on Alice’s words, I can assume that it’s Rosalie. “Bella, can you hear me?”

“You know that she can.” Alice says simply. “You’ve been through this yourself.”

“I wish that I hadn’t.”

All I can feel is pain.

“Oh, Alice.”

“What?” Alice is agitated, I can tell.

Then, I can feel my limp body being lifted- away from the ground, in cold, smooth arms, and Alice’s hiss of protest as she can no longer touch me.

Once I’m in the air, I feel nothing but drifting, boundless pain.

****************

Jacob>>

I can hardly walk, let along run as the horrific pain in my head becomes worse. I don’t know what to do- Embry keeps having to point me in the right direction.

/Jacob, stop./ He instructs me. /You’re useless./

I wince. /Thanks./

/You are. Sit down./

I can smell Bella’s scent, drifting on the breeze, and getting… closer?

/She’s getting closer. We just need to set a trap and ambush them- you can’t run anymore. You’re not going to be able to do anything if you run headfirst into a tree and take yourself out./

/You have so much confidence in me./

/Sit. Down./

I do.

Bella’s getting closer. Maybe I really can ambush the leeches, and have her back in my arms.

“Don’t attack!” A clear, high-pitched voice rings out as Embry sets himself to spring on the leech. “I don’t want to hurt you!”

/Likely story./ I can’t help but snarl under my breath. My eyesight is fragmented- but I can still see the woman walk out the trees, with my Bella in her arms.

“Please.” I meet the woman’s eyes- it’s Rosalie, the one who made a point to never look in any of our direction’s when we were training to fight the newborns. “I just want to give her back.”

Bella’s not moving. At all.

I still feel pain.

I phase back quickly, and stagger, more uneven on two legs than I was on four. “What did you do to her?”

“I did nothing.” The blonde looks resentful, and then her expression changes to sadness. “I don’t know if much more can be done for her, though.”

The words hit me like a dagger through the heart. “What do you mean?”

Rosalie lays my Bella on the mossy ground, where her beautiful chocolate eyes stare up at the sky- almost like she’s dead. But she’s not. I can hear her heart beating.

Please, please be alright.

Time seems to slow as I stumble towards her, and take her in my arms. She feels cold- colder than she’s ever been to me before.

Then, I see her hand.

Or, more accurately, I smell it.

The rotting, sweet, smell of death.

Chapter Text

Jacob>>

“What did you do?” I ask, my voice cracking as I lift Bella’s left hand- the source of the horrible smell. There’s a set of puncture wounds there, right over the scar that I used to rub when I held her hand.

“It- it was Alice.” The blonde looks away, almost as if she was ashamed. “I’m sorry. I had no idea what she was going to do- otherwise I would have stopped her sooner.”

Bella’s dying, and there’s not a single thing that I can do about it.

Twenty-four hours ago, I was living the best moment of my life, waking up next to my Bella after she admitted to loving me- I was going to tell her that night. Tell her that she was my imprint, and why I had waited to tell her, and hope that she still felt the same way.

I don’t know what to do.

Damn it, I’m only sixteen. I should be worrying about finding a girl to go to formals with- not watching the one I intended to spend the rest of my life with wither away.

“I’m sorry.” Rosalie apologizes again, kneeling beside me. “I-”

“Please.” My words are barely a whisper. “Is- is there anything that I can do?”

“I don’t know.” The girl stares sadly at Bella, and I want to hit her. She’s pausing- hesitating- and Bella is dying. Becoming a leech. “It may be too late.”

“Then why…?” I wonder. Wonder why she brought the girl to me, just so I could see every single way I had failed as Bella’s protector.

“Because…” Rosalie chews her lower lip, her eyes flickering between me and Embry, still in wolf form. “We could… cut it off? The hand’s too far gone, but the rest of her is still alive.”

Bella’s perfect, pale hands that have helped me a time or two to fix vehicles, fitting into spaces that mine cannot.

“I-”

I don’t know.

Bella did want to be a leech once upon a time, after all. Would she rather be whole, and one of them, or would she rather me…

My eyes trail to the bite, where the skin shimmers.

I could.

“I would have, but I don’t know if I could withstand the smell.” The blonde admits. “I could do it, make it clean, but you would have to make sure that she doesn’t bleed out anyway.”

Can I let Bella become… one of them? Would she like that more?

I don’t know. All I know is that I don;t know if I could live without her- I wouldn’t, in fact.

How would the bond work if the girl wasn’t technically dead, but her heart had stopped? If she was no longer what she used to be?

I would rather die than have the bond snapped between us.

Maybe she would prefer to die, but… at this moment, I hate that I’m selfish.

“Do it.” It takes me a moment to realize what I’ve said, that those words came from me,

Rosalie hesitates before reaching for Bella’s injured hand. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Please. Save her.”

I have to look away as the blonde uses one perfect nail to clearly slice Bella’s hand away at the wrist, cutting away the stone-like, dead skin. In a flash, she’s gone, sprinting into the trees.

Bella groans, and I almost start to cry when I see the bloodied stump at the end of her left arm. My Bella, mutilated, torn- because I wasn’t good enough.

Then, Embry’s there beside me, throwing a shirt that I didn’t know he had at me while pulling on a pair of cropped jeans. “Here.”

I really wish that I had taken a lesson or two on first aid when Sue offered.

I wrap the cloth around what’s left of Bella’s lower arm, biting back a whimper as the blood immediately soaks through. “She needs someone else. She needs an actual doctor.”

Embry nods, his face green. “Forks is almost thirty miles away, Jake. She could-” He doesn’t finish the sentence, but I know what he means.

I wrap my arms around her, feeling only partially relieved when her beautiful eyes flutter. “Jacob?” She asks, her voice raspy.

“I’m here, Bells.” My voice cracks as I answer her. “I’m here.”

A faint smile spreads her lips. “I knew you would be.”

“We’re gonna get you help, okay?” I tell her frantically, not liking the pallor of her skin. She looks just as pale as any of the Cullens, without a single bit of pink in her cheeks.

“It’s alright.” Bella shakes her head slightly as I bundle her against my chest, trying to get some of the warmth back into her. “I always thought that it would be a nice way to die.”

At those words, my heart almost stops. ‘What?”

“Holding the hand of the one I love.” She smiles weakly, her eyes fluttering, as she reaches for the arm flung across her waist, and her brow creases in confusion as she brushes the bloody stump against my arm.

I swallow back the bile rising in my throat as Bella gasps. “It’s going to be alright. We’re going to get you help.”

She nods, but she doesn’t look as peaceful as she did a second ago.

Embry tenderly lifts the stump of her left arm into her lap as I rise to my feet, before staggering away to the bushes and heaving.

If it had been anyone else, I know that I would be doing the same, but it’s not. It's my Bells, and if she dies, it will be my fault.

So, I start to run, easily vaulting over the logs thrown across the floor of the forest, barely able to register what’s happening.

I need to find a car. I’m not fast enough, and Bella’s blood is all on me, and she’s dying, and it’s going to be my fault.

*********************

Bella>>

The pain cuts through my arm like a knife as I float in and out of consciousness. At one point, I see a bright light, and I panic, thinking that my grandma’s going to be there to meet me.

I’m not ready yet. I don’t want to die.

I can’t die when I’ve just discovered that life’s worth living.

To my relief, when I crack one blurry eye, it’s just a headlight cutting through the morning rays of sun.

I’m still here.

I can feel my body being jostled as someone- Jacob? - lifts me into the backseat, and voices that seem loud, yet quiet at the same time, almost as if someone’s yelling at me from across a lake.

“Hold on, Bells.” Jacob’s worried voice cuts through the fog of my mind, and I can feel scorching fingers brush the hair out of my face. “We’re gonna get you to the hospital. Now.”

I try to nod, but I can’t.

“Drive faster, Paul!”

“I am!”

Even Paul doesn’t sound angry at being ordered around by Jacob.

I wonder what’s happening. I can’t quite remember- it’s almost as if all of my most recent memories are being washed away.

“Bella, can you hear me?”

I want to say yes- do anything, show him that I’m still here.

For Jacob, I’ll hold on.

“It was you. It was always you.” His words are startlingly clear as his arms tighten around me, and there’s a harsh bit of pressure around my hand.

My hand-

“You’re the one for me, Bells. You’re- you’re my imprint. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner, but I didn’t want you to think that you had to be with me, and I was waiting until you loved me of your own violation-” Jacob’s voice cuts off with a choked sob. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

It’s not your fault, I want to say. I can’t bear to hear Jacob cry- and, somehow, it’s even more heartbreaking than when it was back in the farmhand’s house. Like his words have so much more weight to them than they once did.

I try to hold on, but I can’t help floating out of my mind. The pull is almost too strong to resist- and my resolve becomes weaker and weaker as the force gets more forceful. For a moment, I almost find myself doubting my need to stay.

But I need to.

For Jacob. And for Charlie, and for my friends back in school- for the ones that had so often joked about death, and how accident-prone I was. For the rest of the pack, and the Miller’s- oh, how could I forget about the Millers? It was their house that had shown me that people could be happy as just people, after all.

I had so much to live for, so why was death’s sweet siren call beckoning for my soul?

*********************

Jacob>>

“We’re here.” Quil shakes my shoulder, and I almost don’t register it.

It feels like I’m walking in a fever dream- like none of this is real. Like I’ll wake up, and this nightmare will all be over.

But, I’ve never had a nightmare that was quite as bad as this.

I slide out of the back end of the truck and sprint for the emergency room’s entrance. I can almost feel Bella’s heart slowing against my chest and her breathing becoming faint.

Not yet- not like this. It’s too soon for her, and she deserves so much more. So much more life and love.

I can’t have her die.

My only comfort is that I won’t have to live without her. When a wolf’s imprint dies, he dies also- that’s why I thought that Bella’s turning would be bearable, because there was a solid chance that I wouldn’t have to see her as a leech.

I don’t even care that the pack will need to find some way to explain my death. They can bother with that- I just need to have Bella here with me.

“We’ll take her.” Two women in scrubs wheel out some sort of table- something that I hadn’t even registered until the metal tray in front of me. “Set her down, sir.”

“I-” My voice cracks as I lay my Bella down on the cold hospital bed, and my feet follow of their own accord as they go to move her.

“You need to stay here.” Someone’s trying to hold me back, but I keep walking. There's not much they can do against someone of my height, after all.

Having Bella out of my sight increases my anxiety, even though I can feel all of my senses fading. I need to be back there with her, and hold her… her hand-

I can hardly see a thing, and all of my enhanced senses are dulling. Is this what death feels like?

Is she too far gone? Am I going as well?

I don’t know.

The wait is almost worse than the possibility that I will survive. I would rather have it over with now, if it means that I’ll have her in front of me, than live in this horrible haze of unknowing.

“Jacob.” I can barely hear Sam’s voice as he tugs on my shoulder, trying to pull me away from the horde of nurses that work in a frenzy around my Bella. “Come here. Walk away.”

“I can’t.” I try to tell him.

“You will.” His command rings through my mind, and I really want to obey, but I can’t.

An alpha’s commands have nothing over a bond of an imprinted wolf, after all.

“There’s nothing more that you can do for her. Don’t get in their way.”

I don’t know what’s going to happen.

But I just hope with every single bone in my beaten, wrecked body, that I go into whatever’s next with Bella beside me.

Chapter Text

Bella>>

When I open my eyes, I become aware of two things: one, I am very, very cold, and two, my whole body hurts.

I stretch with a groan, trying to sit up.

The beeping of a monitor startles me, and I whip my head around, trying to figure out where it’s coming from.

Ow.

“Bella!” I look over just in time to see Renee throw her arms around me. “You’re awake! How are you feeling?”

“Ow.” I wince as she jostles me. “Mom, that hurts.”

“Oh, sorry.” She steps back. “You really need to stop doing this, you know. I’m going to go grey before I turn forty-five by this rate.” Renee pats her wild hair frantically.

“Sorry.” I apologize.

“You’re forgiven.” My mom turns to face my body, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Honestly, Bella, I don’t know how you get yourself into these situations.”

“I don’t know either.” My memories are hazy- I don’t even know how long I’ve been out. “How long have I been asleep?”

“Almost three days.” She shakes her head. “They had to keep you under from the blood loss.”

“Blood loss?” I ask, my attention fully taken now. “What blood loss?”

I must have really missed something in those hazy moments.

Renee goes pale. “Do you… not remember?”

“Remember what?” I ask with a weak laugh. “Mom, you’re scaring me.”

“Bella… you lost your hand.” She points to my arms, which lay on either side of me with a bewildered look.

To my horror, the left one has no hand.

I didn’t know that I could go dizzy while sitting down, but it happens now. The room swims before my eyes as I try to wiggle my fingers, not fully grasping that… it’s gone.

My hand is gone.

Alice… she killed it. I don’t know how it happened, or if it was what kept me from… from turning…

“You aren’t allowed to be anywhere near shop saws anymore.” Renee scolds me lightly, although it’s clear that she doesn’t mean it. “Honestly, Bella, what possessed you to think that you could do woodworking?”

“I don’t know.” I say numbly, staring at the stump, wrapped tightly in bandages. “I don’t know.”

Renee must gather my shock, because she wraps her arms around me again. “I’ll have to get Jacob. He’s been here twenty-four seven, you know. It’s just bad luck that that friend of his made him go home and shower.” My mother gives me a small grin. “You have a lot of explaining to do. Not that I think you were wrong- my type has always been tall, dark, and handsome as well, but I want to hear the whole story.”

I nod. I’ll tell her some of it. Renee certainly won’t judge, after all. She’s run away from a marriage or two as well.

“Oh.” She glances up at the window. “I think he’s here now. Bye, honey. Phil’s waiting for me outside.”

And just like that, my mom’s gone, leaving a frantic-looking Jacob in her place, practically falling over himself in the rush to get to my bedside. To my intense relief, he doesn’t fall onto it like my mother did, merely kneeling beside it.

“Bella.” He breathes. “You’re awake.”

“I am.” I survey him, a small smile appearing on my face. “You look horrible.”

“Says the one in the hospital bed.” He returns, although he doesn’t say it with a smile. “I was so worried, Bells.”

“Sorry.” I have to look away from Jacob’s face for a moment, unable to see that horrid expression any longer.

“Don’t apologize.” His hand rises to brush the hair away from my forehead. “It was my fault. I should have smelled the leech earlier.”

“It’s not anyone’s fault.” I can’t help but shake my head at his face. “I’m still human, Jake. That’s what matters.”

“But… your hand…” He stares at the stump long enough that I want to hide it. “I’m so sorry, Bells. I wish that I could have saved it, but the blonde said that it was too far gone, and that we needed to save the rest of you instead. I didn’t… I didn’t know how you would feel about it, but I’m such a selfish person… I needed you to stay.”

“It’s alright, Jake.” I smile slightly as I lean close enough to whisper. “After all, you have four. There’s enough to share.”

He lets out a choked sob. “Don’t make me laugh, Bells. I don’t deserve it.”

“Jacob Black.” I say sternly, reaching my good hand across the bed to grab his. “You are not going to do this. I wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for you. I would have been dead in any path I took.”

“But… I kept so much from you. You don’t hate me?” Jacob gives me a look that just solidifies the fact that I could never hate this boy.

“You didn’t keep anything.” I remind him.

“I did.” He lifts his head miserably. “I should have told you that you were my imprint. I didn’t know what I was thinking, keeping it to myself.”

I freeze at that, my good hand wrapped in his. “...Imprint?”

Jacob laughs harshly. “You were really out of it, Bells. I told you… well, after everything.”

I stare at my lap. “Oh.”

He imprinted on me? And never bothered to tell me?

I should be mad at that, but I’m really not. So much has happened, enough that I feel like that momentary lapse in judgment can be forgiven.

“It’s alright.”

He looks up at me. “Are you sure?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

*****************

The sun is shining the day that I’m finally allowed to leave the hospital. You wouldn’t think that one could lose that much blood from a hand, but surprise, you can. It probably doesn’t help if the wound was initially poisoned, either.

I cling onto Jacob with my remaining hand, squinting as the light hits my eyes. “It’s bright out.”

“The sun’s just happy you’re back.” He smiles, a look that is eerily similar to the one that Sam gives to Emily crossing his face.

“Sure, buddy.” I elbow him playfully, and he takes it in stride.

Today, we will meet with the vampires. I haven’t seen any of them since the incident, as I refused to be treated by Carlise. Or, more accurately, Jacob just about went catatonic when he tried to enter my room, and I agreed with his rage.

There’s going to be consequences for this. They’re going to be lucky if they escape death, honestly. They’ve broken the treaty a thousand times over by this point.

We meet them in a meadow, with the entirety of the wolf pack phased behind us. Jacob’s still human, though, unwilling to let me go while they’re nearby. Charlie and Billy also stand at our sides, both looking absolutely rabid. I was unable to convince Charlie to leave his gun at home, despite telling him that it wouldn’t be any harm against anyone here.

The Cullens stand in a semi-circle, with Carlise and Edward at the head of it. Alice is at the very back, I notice, with Jasper’s arms wrapped around her.

I don’t know if that’s for our protection or hers.

“Thank you for meeting us here today.” Carlisle dips his head in acknowledgment. “We realize that we have made a few grave errors.”

“A few?” Jacob mutters under his breath. I elbow him, and he reluctantly falls silent.

“You have violated the treaty more times than we can count.” Billy says gravely, his face unmoving. “This is grounds for war, Carlisle.”

He nods. “I know. I am very grateful that you have decided to extend the sentence long enough for us to speak our peace.”

Billy doesn’t react to that. “Tell us your side of the tale.”

Carlisle glances behind him. “Alice. Come here.”

Jasper follows her like a loyal guard dog, their hands tightly intertwined. The tiny girl gives me a murderous, yet pitiful expression, as though she thinks that I’ve suffered worse than I would have if I joined her family.

Edward speaks first, his tone low. “I visited Bella and Jacob in the home they had taken residence in. She seemed off, not like herself, and I was very worried for her.”

“Off? You mean alive?” I murmur under my breath, knowing full well that he can hear me.

“So, when she refused to come back with me, I sent Alice.” He shrugs. “Bella has always been close to my sister, so I assumed that she would listen to her. Alice took her from the house and brought her back to ours, where I noticed that she seemed worse than she had when I left. It was very saddening indeed.”

Alice pipes up. “She wasn’t like Bella at all. It broke my heart, seeing her like that.” She shakes her head sadly. “I only did what I knew was best for her.”

“You nearly killed a human.” Billy reminds her, his mouth set in a scowl. “Attempted to. That is grounds for a fight alone.”

Alice shrugs. I hate how cavalier she is about this, as though my life is nothing to her. She cared about me as an accessory and a party excuse, not as a friend. “I apologize. My judgement was wrong.”

Judgement? That’s all that my attempted murder was?

Jacob’s hand tightens around mine, and I squeeze it to calm down his shaking. I’d rather him not phase this close to me.

“Rosalie.” Carlisle calls, and the blonde steps out from behind Emmett. I hadn’t even noticed her initially, since she wears a drab color of brown, nothing like her usually flashy jewel tones.

“I apologize on behalf of my family.” She dips her head. “Since it appears that no one else will. I am sorry that I didn’t step in sooner- I could have never predicted that Alice would take the turn that she did. I wish that I could have helped more.” The last line seems to be directed at me, as she inclines her head to my hands.

“It’s alright.” I murmur under my breath, knowing that she’ll hear it. “Thank you.”

“What would you like from us?” Carlisle asks, his head bent slightly. “We know that this will not come lightly.”

“Leave.” Billy tells him, holding his face high to the sun. “Never come back. Let our children grow and be children, and never harm the people here again.”

Doctor Cullen nods. “We will, You will never see us again, I will make sure of it.”

“If you return, we have full permission to tear you limb from limb and burn the remains.” Billy tells him, his voice harsh. Still not harsh enough, I feel.

“We understand.” Carlisle signals for his family to back away. “Give us two days to get our affairs in order, and we will be on our way.”

“Any time longer than that, and I will allow the pack to kill you.”

The doctor nods, and then he’s gone, along with most of his family.

Rosalie stands alone, her blonde hair blowing faintly in the breeze. I look up at Jacob and nod, pulling him closer to her.

“Hey, Rose.” I smile slightly. “Thank you, Thank you for everything.”

She nods, a faint grin curving the corners of her perfect lips. “You’re welcome. I’m just glad that you came to your senses.”

That seems to be the end of it, so I turn to walk away, but she catches my shoulder with a stone cold hand. “And Bella?”

“Hmm?” I glance at her from over my shoulder.

“Enjoy it. Love your human life, and if I ever hear that you’re going to endanger it again, I will personally break the agreement to march back here and talk some sense into you.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Thanks. I will”

The sun seems brighter than it ever has, after all.

Chapter Text

The day I married Jacob, I wore a white dress that fell just to my ankles and was made of soft silk. It was sleeveless, with small gems interwoven into the fabric that made it sparkle under the lights that we danced next to. I still wore the shoes that I had picked out with Alice, since that was the least that she owed me, after all.

We were married one month after I had turned twenty-one, and Jacob tried to get me to serve alcohol at the wedding. I had to remind him that he was still very much underage.

It was a small affair, with only a few friends on my side and the pack on his. Renee cried throughout the whole ceremony, because it was so happy, and then because she had ruined her mascara and didn’t have any extra.

After everyone had gone home, we stared at the stars, tangled up in the grass.

“You know, we really should tell the Millers that we’re not dead.” Jacob breaks the silence.

I laugh, running my hands through my mussed hair. “We’re probably the new town cryptids, Jake. We can’t mess with that.”

“Yeah. But I also kind of want the Rabbit back.” He frowned.

“Oh.”

So, one week after we were married, we took a car down to Kansas and showed up on a familiar grey doorstep.

A seventeen-year-old girl with long blonde hair and a pink dress answered the door, and her eyes went wide. An eleven-year-old with vibrant red hair peeked around the corner and gasped. “Mom!”

“What? Are you guys right?” Mrs. Miller came down the hallway and dropped the pan she had been holding. “...is that…?”

I waved meekly. “Hey.”

“We’re not dead,” Jacob interjected behind me.

“I can see that.” She smiles brightly, but there’s confusion intertwined within it. “Where did you go?”

“Uh.” Jacob and I exchange a glance. “Nowhere important.”

“Can I have the Rabbit back?” He asks hopefully.

The woman nods. “The car? Yeah. Liam has it. He asked for it after you had been gone for a year… we figured it was fine. We never assumed that you would come back.”

“Neither did I,” I murmur under my breath.

It seemed like ages ago that I was a girl barely old enough to vote, a girl with a boy she’d rejected, tangled hair, and an uncomfortable dress that he’d undone with clumsy fingers.

A runaway bride that threw everything away and still managed to find herself again, in a small town in Kansas and in a car built by the same hands that undid that dress.