Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Board meetings should be renamed bored meetings.

Sephiroth felt like he was more likely to die from sheer boredom than fighting an entire army single handedly and without any weapons. He stared longingly at Masamune, wishing to stab certain tubs of lard. Oddly enough, he doubted he would be able to get more than one of them due to the roundness.

"Tseng, why is your Turk hanging outside the window?"

The current speaker, Palmer, stopped speaking about whatever he deemed important enough to bring to the bored... board meeting. They all stared outside the window to find a Turk, sure enough, being lowered slowly.

Tseng felt like cutting that rope or choking his Turk. It was bad enough they pulled that last stunt. Now this? He opened the window and glared at the Turk. "What are you doing?"

"Wes locked himself out of his office," the Turk answered, not missing a beat.

"Next time, pick the lock."

"Okie dokie," Hikari replied and saluted his superior before being lowered further down.

"Sorry about that. Let's continue, shall we?"

Moments later...

"Sephiroth, why is your SOLDIER hanging outside a window?"

This time Sephiroth felt banging his head against a wall. He stormed over to the window and nearly ripped it off its tracks. "You have ten seconds to finish whatever you're doing before I cut the rope."

"Eep! Yes, Sephy!" Zack squeaked and motioned for the others to pull him up quickly.

Rufus raised a brow at this, but motioned for them to continue the meeting.

Moments later...

"Would you care to explain why another of your Turks is hanging outside the window?" Rufus inquired, raising a brow.

Tseng looked over to find Reno, staring into the room.

"Yo Boss, I think I left my PHS here, but I didn't want to disturb you. Don't mind me." Reno continued to search the room as the others attempted to finish the meeting in peace, however, some of the executives found it unnerving so they shooed the red headed Turk away.

Moments later...

"Why is there a cadet hanging outside the window?"

"Let's finish this damn meeting."

"Yes, sir."

Moments later...

"Why is Rude hanging outside the window?"

This time jaw dropped as the serious Turk was lowered.

"I think it's time to end this meeting."

The next day...

"So did any you get to see what Seph was wearing?"

Everyone else shrugged.

"Damn, we can't confirm it then," Zack said with a sigh.

"For your information, I go commando," Sephiroth replied in a monotone voice.

There were several cursing as money was being transferred to Hikari.

Sephiroth raised a brow. "How did you..."

"Find out? That's what fan clubs are for."

Chapter Text

Separated from the others, Cloud attempted to find them before he was ambushed by the Turks or Sephiroth himself. He wasn't too concerned about the Turks as he could take on them without being severely injured. It was the former general that posed a problem. He was insane and skilled, not a good combination.

Plus, he had some weird habits.

Cloud seriously didn't want to know this side of his former idol. He stopped worshipping the ground he walked on as he watched his home town go up in flames, his mom amongst them. His mom meant everything to him. She was the only one who supported him in that town.

Pressing his back against a tree, Cloud peered around it. He felt so vulnerable being out in the open without someone watching his back. Ever since they found Vincent, they watched each other's back. They both understood the meaning of loss and guilt though Cloud preferred to emo over his while Vincent brooded.

So far, no signs of anyone. He darted to the next tree that could hide his small frame. For once, Cloud was glad that he was small. He and his weapon would be sticking out from behind the bark. He peered around the tree once more and was about to leave, however, he found himself being pinned to the tree.

Before he could register his captor, his hands were rendered immobile above his head. That someone had a strong grip. That someone also was taller than him. That someone just happened to be Sephiroth in person.

SHIT!

The blond started squirming and trying to distract Sephiroth so he could escape or at least defend himself. Sadly, none of these worked. They did serve to fuel Sephiroth's desire to do something to the blond.

Cloud gasped when he felt their groins being grounded into each other. He shouldn't be enjoying this, but the friction and the pressure started to become too much for him to bear. His breathing became erratic as he tried to think of other things, something not too pleasurable.

He failed miserably as he let out a strangled moan.

"Scream for me," Sephiroth whispered.

"Nnnnoooo..."

Accepting this challenge, Sephiroth proceeded to attack Cloud with his lips, leaving little marks on his neck, claiming the blond as his and only his. He went in, dominating Cloud in a passionate kiss. So sweet and delectable. He found a squirming and writhing Cloud to be oh so intoxicating.

Cloud's moans became louder and louder until he heard himself moaning in ecstasy. This wasn't right, but his body refused to cooperate with him. He wanted to run away, but the firm grip said otherwise.

Without warning, Cloud's pants and boxers suddenly dropped. He couldn't pick it up, but the cool wind on his very hard member made him shiver. As much as he wanted to do anything, he felt like a pool of mush.

His legs couldn't support him as he felt a warmth envelope him, taking him whole and then sucking. It took all of his strength just to stand up as that wonderful tongue licked and rubbed him in all the right places.

Soon, he saw stars as he felt the heat in his lower regions reach their peak. If it weren't for Sephiroth, he would have face planted on the harsh ground.

Wow, that was something.

"I think I'll keep you for tonight."

Cloud didn't protest.

He couldn't.

Chapter Text

Warning: None

Pairing: None

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

Another publicity stunt featuring Sephiroth.

Genesis growled and tore down the poster. How he hated that he never received any of the admiration or attention that the General received. He fought beside Sephiroth, stood by him, and covered his back, but all everyone could talk about was how great the General was. It sickened him. They (he) deserved some of the credit and attention too.

Maybe his favorite store would have the latest release of Loveless. They were going to release a new limited edition version. He had been eyeing the advertising poster ever since he heard about it. Genesis made it a point to have the day before and after it off so he could bask in its glory.

Too bad they didn't allow reservations for this one because of the scarcity of the edition. That mean Genesis had to be first in line.

Alas, fate had been too cruel for him. He wound up on a mission that took longer than anticipated. In short, he missed the short sale of his beloved book.

"Here," Sephiroth said, handing over a small package to the fuming Genesis.

At first, Genesis thought about slicing it in half, but his curiosity got the better of him. He wasn't happy about Sephiroth getting all the fame, however, his eyes widened upon seeing the inside of the package.

Neatly wrapped in the cellophane wrapper, the limited Loveless waited for him.

Sephiroth stood in line just for him? No way.

"I knew you wouldn't make it back in time so I took the day off."

Maybe Sephiroth wasn't so bad after all?

Chapter Text

Warning: Insanity that is Zack.

Pairing: SephZackCloud

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

Zack stared in the mirror, twisting and turning his body to see every angle possible. He sighed. If he didn't get going, he would be late for the meeting. This would have to do. Grabbing his keys and his sword, he dashed out as fast as he would dare, considering that he was supposed to representing ShinRa.

Sephiroth hated this company sponsored events. The only things that kept him sane were Cloud, who wasn't allowed to attend this, and Zack. Angeal came close, but he didn't calm the General down like those two could. Currently, one of them was late. He tapped his foot impatiently, trying to ignore the people gawking at him.

"What took you so long?" Sephiroth growled only to find his puppy... in a stunning dress. He blinked a few times, taking in the delicious sight. Maybe Cloud would look nice in one too and definitely high heel if he could walk in them.

"You try walking in these things?" Zack pointed at the high heels he wore. "They're painful. How do women wear them?"

"Because it's supposed to make them look good from what I heard," Sephiroth replied casually as if he was used to seeing his SOLDIER cross-dress on a regular basis. Actually, he was, but no one needed to know that.

"Does it make me look good?"

"... You look better without any clothes on," Sephiroth replied bluntly.

"Figures you'd say that," Zack chuckled and leaned up against Sephiroth. He saw the many drooling over him, both women and men alike. While he didn't mind that, he knew Sephiroth felt uncomfortable so he snuggled up against him.

It worked. Many people were disappointed that the General allowed someone close to him without glaring or pushing that person away.

"Thank you."

Chapter Text

Warning: None

Pairing: SephCloud

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

Sephiroth was bored out of his mind. He didn't have anyone to kill (Mother needed some humans for minions.) or to talk to (Mother needed to work.) and he didn't count Hojo who was slaving away for Mother.

His training only lasted so long before he became bored. He needed a challenge. Neither Mother nor Hojo provided adequate sparring partners. Mother couldn't exactly move, and Hojo couldn't beat a dead cow with a bat.

"Mother?"

"Yes?"

"May I obtain a pet to amuse myself with?"

Jenova thought about it. Her dearest son had been obedient, accomplishing every errand she sent him on. "Very well, but you're responsible for looking after it."

"Thank you, Mother."

The Next Day...

Encountering more of Hojo's experiments, the small rag tag group called Avalanche fought hard against them. They seemed to be coming out from everywhere and then some. Once one was killed, two more took its place. It never ended.

They took a defensive formation, their backs to each other.

That was until the creatures parted, allowing someone to stroll right through the chaos. Without warning, the figure dashed forward, claiming one of their members and retreating to a safe distance.

It took Cloud a minute to realize he was no longer with Avalanche, another minute for him to find the Buster Sword missing, a third minute for it to dawn on him that Sephiroth was currently carting him away. He struggled to get out of the mad man's grip, but it only made Sephiroth tighten his grip on the struggling blond.

Then everything went dark.

Blue eyes opened to find himself in an abandoned building. He attempted to stand up and get out of there while no one guarded him, however, something yanked him back hard. Reaching up, he felt a collar around his neck with a chain attached to the ground. Nearby he discovered a plate of fruit, cheese, and bread along with a glass of water.

Were they poisoned? No, Sephiroth would have killed him and be done with it rather than poison him. It wasn't his style.

"They're not poisoned, and you might as well eat. You'll be staying here for a long time, my precious pet."

Chapter Text

Warning: Crackish humor. Go figure.

Pairing: None

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

Something had to be done.

He wasn't sure what, but this situation needed to be rectified immediately.

Angeal, second only to Sephiroth in strength and position (even if Genesis vehemently denies it), wound up puppy-sitting.

Oh no, this wasn't any ordinary puppy. This was HIS puppy. In other words, someone somehow managed to turn Zack into a canine. Since Zack couldn't talk and he couldn't talk to dogs, they had a very hard time trying to relay messages to each other like who did it.

But since he couldn't leave Zack alone with just anyone, he had to take the puppy everywhere he went. Who knew what kind of mischief Zack would get into if left unsupervised. Plus, they would think he was an actual dog and label it as cute, meaning his student could get away with almost everything.

A whining told him that Zack needed to use the restroom.

The first class SOLDIER scooped up the puppy and brought him to the shared restroom. He wasn't about to touch Zack's wang, but at the same time, he didn't want Zack to create a mess so he did his best to position Zack.

"I thought you were supposed to train the puppy, not the other way around."

"Reno, don't you have something else better to do or would you like to be covered in dog pee?" Angeal threatened as Zack held back and waited for his mentor to aim him at the Turk.

"Woah there, can't you take a joke?" Reno backed away, hopefully out of firing range until the little guy emptied his tank. "Besides, Tseng told me to keep my self occupied. He's in a meeting with the president."

Knowing the Turk was still in training, Angeal didn't push him further but allowed Zack to pee as he was already trembling.

"Aren't you taking this dog fetish a little too far?"

Dark eyes turned green.

Reno might be brash, but he was smart enough not to mess with a SOLDIER first class when his eyes turned green.

Tseng sighed, seeing his student come running out of the restroom.

"What did you do this time?"

Chapter Text

Warning: Zack being a puppy as usual.

Pairing: None

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

"*^(*&^^%(*& ^&%(*&6 %^%*&6&6" came through the old system.

As tempted as he was, Sephiroth didn't fling the ancient communication device through the window, which would have spelled instant doom to whoever happened to be walking on the ground level. Even though it as small, Sephiroth's floor was high up, which meant gravity had its way with the thing before it made contact with anyone, hopefully one of those executives (except for Rufus or Reeve as they were okay people).

"Repeat that, SOLDIER," Sephiroth stated louder and slower so the machine could actually pick up something other than garbage.

The person on the other line didn't hear him obviously as more garbage was sent through the system.

The General didn't have time for this. He grabbed his PHS, which was operated and owned by a different company (Thank the gods, someone had intelligence to keep things updated.), and called the person.

"Zack if you're trying to... Angeal, how did you end up with Zack's PHS?"

"Long story, but it seems we're having technical difficulties with this communicator," Angeal replied and jumped back as he saw something spark. His student had taken to trying to fix the thing but wound up making the mess bigger.

"So it would seem, what is Zack doing?"

"He's trying to fix it," the other first class SOLDIER replied. "Puppy! You're not supposed to touch those two wires together!"

The line went dead. Sephiroth blinked a few times. What just happened?

Without warning, the entire building plunged into darkness.

Chapter Text

Warning: Lime-ish?

Pairing: Implied Cloud/Kadaj

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

Lowering his book a little, Yazu watched his younger brother pace back and forth back and forth in their shared room. It was quite amusing to see Kadaj, muttering to himself, flailing, and pouting. This kind of behavior was more like that person who raised them since... since they could remember. He resumed his reading as he was almost at the good part when he heard a thud.

Kadaj had tripped.

He didn't seem to be getting up.

Yazu wasn't concerned with it at first. Kadaj had more mako in him than any of them, but when he didn't make a noise, Yazu started to become worried. It wasn't like the youngest clone to be this quiet especially when he was frustrated out of his mind.

Without warning, Kadaj exploded in a string of profanity and curses, startling Loz and making him hide underneath the bed... again.

"Little brother, why don't you go find some monsters to fight?" Yazu suggested, clearly seeing that his brother was more than agitated. This meant disaster should he decide to lash out at either of them.

"Tried that. It doesn't work," Kadaj muttered darkly and started rock back and forth.

"How about engaging Cloud in swordplay?"

"Tch... why would I... You know that might be a good idea. Thanks Yaz!" Kadaj jumped up, hastily grabbing his sword and a bottle on the way out.

Loz crawled out from his hiding place. "Is it safe?"

The middle clone nodded his head. "It's safe. I don't think Kadaj would be returning any time soon. He needs to take care of something."

"Good, cause I don't want him to send me flying through another wall again," Loz said with a breath of relief. "So what's he taking care of?"

"Something personal," Yazu simply answered.

"Why can't you tell me?" Loz protested until he found out...

"Hey, he took the last tube of lube!"

Chapter Text

Warning: Crack humor. Enough said.

Pairing: None.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

Tseng wondered how he managed to land in these situations.

It all started when his Turks decided they were bored one day. They had all been pulled back to the company since they didn't have any assignments other than paperwork, which many of them found to be boring.

Since he actually trusted them to be mature, Tseng had left for a meeting with Lazard, regarding some issues they had been having. He didn't bother to check up on them or have someone responsible take charge of his group.

This had been his worst mistake.

His supposedly professional Turks were wandering, dressed in various outfits ranging from a chocobo (Reno) to clown (Rude).

Many of the SOLDIERs had taken pictures of his Turks and posted them on their web pages and such. Now the whole world could see them or at least the ones with access to the network.

Now he found himself standing before the president, explaining these pictures.

They were going to pay.

Chapter Text

Warning: None

Pairing: ValenWind

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

Vincent was a loner by nature. He preferred to be by himself rather than in the company of his team mates/friends. Actually, he didn't mind Cloud's presence as he didn't bother the sniper that much and only spoke when necessary. The blond kept out of Vincent's personal business and he returned the favor.

Yuffie tended to drive him crazy with her antics, her endless chatter, and her insistence to be more social. In other words, he was very tempted to unleash his limit break on her and be done with it, however, the others would not take too kindly to it and neither would Lord Godo. Instead, he merely changed his PHS, telling only Cloud and Tifa as they were responsible people his new number.

Tifa was okay though she could be annoying at times too when she decided he needed to socialize. Unlike Yuffie, she didn't pry into his personal business and could actually make a damn good drink. Now if she only wore a bra that supported those jiggling breasts of hers, that would be even better. Maybe he should drop a hint in the form of a present, namely a supportive bra.

Aerith, while she was around, felt more like a mother to him. He didn't know much about his mother except from the stories his father told him. She died when he was young, but his father wouldn't tell him why, not even as an adult. Maybe his father had some shape or form been directly/indirectly responsible? They were madly in love with each other. In any case, she somehow filled that empty role. He often went to her for advice regarding women and people in general.

Barret... he was loud, though not as loud as the pint size wannabe ninja. Sure, he could cuss out a sailor any day, but he was very gentle when it came to his adoptive daughter, Marlene. In fact, the big brute became a pushover only with her. She had him wrapped around her little finger without knowing it. Thankfully, she was a good kid. He too knew when to stick his nose in other people's business and keep it out.

Nanaki or RedXIII was very much like him, an unwanted but forced test subject. They both were patient and wise or that was what the others told him. While the others (except Cloud) prattled about whimsical things, their conversations were often meaningful and philosophical. He wouldn't mind having the... feline? around for a nice conversation except when he suffered a Yuffie induced migraine.

Cid was the complete opposite of him. He was loud, brash, and tactless. The pilot tended to go on the fly rather than making any plans. He didn't like frills, but sometimes showed off to probably prove himself to the younger members of the group. While he wasn't a womanizer, he certainly liked spending time with the ladies. Cid was the what you see was what you get person. He hated when people hid behind masks like Vincent and Cloud.

Which was why Vincent questioned his sanity or lack of it.

It all started out when the entire gang decided to visit Cloud and Tifa. Naturally, Cid dropped by to drag his sorry ass to the little get together. He flat out refused, but oddly enough didn't put much of a struggle when Cid carried him bridal style onto the Highwind.

Once there, he couldn't help but send glares Shera's way as she seemed to occupy the pilot's attention. He didn't know her well enough to carry a grudge or anything, but something about her rubbed him the wrong way. Cloud even asked if there was something wrong with him in spite of trying to stay out of conversation with Tifa.

Vincent couldn't put his finger on it, but it involved Cid in some way. He never had these feelings before or that he remembered.

"Valentine..."

The former Turk tilted up his head, giving off an eerie glow. "Yes?"

Cid took a breath and muttered a prayer before quickly leaning down and connecting their lips for a kiss. When Vincent jerked in surprise, he quickly invaded his mouth, pushing for dominance between the two.

Vincent was completely caught off guard, which was hard considering he had been trained by Turks and became one eventually. He didn't mind this though as he wrapped his human arm around Cid, pulling him for a deeper kiss.

Damn, he was good.

"I thought you and..." Vincent glanced over to Shera.

"It didn't last long. She became annoying. Now quit spoiling the moment."

Cid reclaimed those soft but tantalizing lips.

Chapter Text

Warnings: swearing and Genesis being a pain

Pairings: None

Disclaimer: Chibi doesn't own Final Fantasy VII.

Border~!

After a hard workout with his student, Angeal wanted nothing more than to soak in his tub, minus the rubber chocobos that his student was so fond of. He even gave a demonstration with his prized Buster sword, but he had no opponent. His student wanted to see him in action with the massive blade.

Use brought wear, tear, and rust. He always said that.

If he didn't have the mako in his system, he wouldn't have heard the soft scuffing in the small room. Since there were no reports of experiments escaping, he figured it was a spy or a ninja from Wutai.

Reaching for his Buster sword (standard sword broken) and the door handle, Angeal prepared to meet an ambush.

What he wasn't expecting to find was Genesis. In the moment it took to gather his thoughts, his childhood friend yanked him in and slammed the door shut. It sounded loud to him.

"What are you mfffppphhhh-" Angeal glared at Genesis and the red glove over his mouth.

"You'll alert them," Genesis whispered, knowing Angeal heard every single word, thanks to the mako.

"Alert who?" Angeal whispered back. This was becoming more ridiculous by the second.

"Them," the red head hissed. He pressed an ear against the door.

"Who are them?"

"You know them!"

"The Turks? They'll find you eventually," Angeal commented. He wanted to leave, but Genesis blocked the only exit large enough for him to fit through.

Genesis pried himself off the door. "You think I'm scared of those Turkeys. Please Angeal, give me more credit than that."

Outside the Turks and the legendary three, Angeal couldn't think of anything that would cause Genesis to hide. "Is it scarlet?" She had an irritating laugh.

"She's as scary as a chickabo."

It couldn't be Hojo or Hollander. This first class enjoyed tormenting them whenever he could get away with it. However, he avoided them right before and after his booster shots.

"And it's not Creepy and Creepier," Genesis said as if reading his mind. He placed a gloved hand over his lips.

The shrieks came closer and closer until they stopped right outside the door. Loud cooing ensued before the squealing disappeared in the distance. It should be safe.

Outside a cadet stood confused, arm full of bags filled with goodies. He attempted to stand at attention, nearly falling over, if it weren't for the fast acting Angeal.

"At ease cadet," the dark haired first ordered with a kind tone. "We're off duty. You can call me Angeal." He didn't like separating himself from his subordinates.

Genesis rolled his eyes. "Your puppy is training you. Ah that's his student. Well you call him that. It sounds appropriate for him." Between the confused look and the annoyed look, Genesis found himself to be amused.

"Zack?" the timid cadet asked.

"The only one," Genesis chuckled. "Wait a minute, didn't Puppy say he has a student? I remember something about a chickabo." This earned him a glare but he found it to be quite adorable. He petted the poor cadet like a chocobo.

"I'm surprised you remember," Angeal said and added. "Don't tease him." He swatted the red head's hand away from the cadet.

"Spoilsport," Genesis pouted. He would have added more except he heard a loud shriek. "Oh shit. Run for your lives!"

Angeal blinked several times. They lurched forward as they were dragged away.

"Can't you two run?"

"The cadet can't keep up," Angeal mentioned. The training helped, but it was nothing compared to their first class SOLDIER training.

Genesis solved this by scooping up the cadet and carrying him bridal style. "Now run faster!"

"Yes, sir," Angeal said, catching up with the red head.

Loud piercing squeals followed them. How could they keep up with two first class SOLDIERs? Maybe the company should hire them.

Genesis made a turn and disappeared into an office. Angeal followed and then realized who the office belonged to. Sadly for the cadet it was too late, he fainted at the sight of the owner.

"Genesis, Angeal," Sephiroth greeted. He looked down at the bundle in Genesis' arms. "Isn't he too young for you?"

Hearing this, Genesis scowled. "I'm not like certain balls of lard. Besides I don't know him… Well I do know he's the student of the puppy."

"They allow SOLDIER candidates to enter at that age?" Sephiroth frowned. It appeared he was going to have a word with the director.

Angeal shrugged. He didn't deal with admissions. "His name is Cloud Strife."

"If he's injured, wouldn't it make sense to take him to the medical wing?" the silver haired general asked. He paused in writing his report, giving them his full attention.

"He isn't injured, and Genesis, quit trying to climb out the window," Angeal said. He snatched the unconscious cadet from his arms. "If you plan on exiting that way, leave Cloud behind. He isn't enhanced."

Genesis mulled over it and nodded. "Yes, mother dearest."

"Would you care to explain why you're in my office and Genesis using the quickest way out?" Sephiroth glanced between the two. The paperwork felt so ignored.

Shrugging Angeal motioned to his childhood friend.

"Worse than Turkeys and the blimps after eating chili," Genesis said, shuddering at the thought. "They wouldn't dare come here."

Sephiroth raised a brow. "You're a first class SOLDIER. Deal with it. I can't believe I'm telling this to you of all people."

Genesis wa put off by this. He pouted. "You would hide too!"

"Hide from what, Gen?" Angeal asked. "You haven't told me."

"… They're a force to be reckoned with," Genesis started. "In small groups, they're not hard to handle, but they tend to flock together. Don't be fooled by their appearances or their voices. Gods, I hope none have enough balls to enter here."

"You're doing it again," Angeal said. Why was it so hard to answer a simple question?

"The most horrifying thing in the history of mankind. Fan girls."