Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

???: IS THIS THING ON?

??: wE'RE vOIcEs, thERE's nOthIng tO bE On, shItAss.

?: babes its called a figure of speech xx

??: shUt It

????: Can you youngsters focus on the now? When I was your age, this never would have happened.

??: fInE.

the voice addresses the audience, otherwise known as you.

??: hEy, fUckERs.

?: thats literally the most unoriginal insult you could have chosen xx

??: It’s A gEnERAl AddREss tERm nOt An InsUlt dUmmy

????: Will you two focus? Gosh, kids these days.

??: yEAh, yEAh. I’m wyAtt, Old pErsOn Is wIlhElm, thE lOUd gUy Is wEslEy

?: and the most interesting one, me, is Wendy xx

WESLEY: WE’RE MAKING A GAME SHOW WITH ALL THOSE CHARACTERS YOU LIKE AND STUFF YEAH

wyAtt: dId yOU bOth hAvE tO stEAl my thUndER?

Wilhelm: Everybody stop talking and focus! The quicker we get this done, the quicker I can go take a nap.

wyAtt: wE kIndA nEEd tO tAlk tO gEt thE shOw RUnnIng yOU bUffOOn

Wendy: can we please stop arguing for one second, we have things to be doing xx

WESLEY: YOU’RE ONE OF THE MAIN CAUSES FOR THE ARGUING BUT ANYWAY WE’RE DROPPING CODENAMES SO YOU CAN GUESS WHICH CHARACTER IS WHICH BEFOREHAND.

wyAtt: InclUdIng thE REAlly ObscURE OnEs nO OnE hAs A chAncE Of gUEssIng yAy

Wendy: lets get on with this xx

WESLEY: CODENAMES ARE DOWN BELOW.

• the furry
• the self insert
• the duck
• the for the streets
• the perfect
• the tape
• the moonwalker
• the psychopath
• the pissbaby
• the free use
• the gender
• the guitarist
• the tv girl
• the mastermind
• the analyst
• the pumpkin
• the destroyer
• the meow
• the masquerader
• the assistant
• the antisocial
• the skateboarder
• the rival
• the vampire
• the capitalism
• the radiation
• the rulemaker
• the skeleton
• the showgirl
• the big blue
• the halo
• the wizard
• the knock-off
• the van man
• the preset
• the bald

wyAtt: sEE yOU lAtER OR whAtEvER.

Chapter Text

The Pretender from hit game Pretend wakes up in an empty school.

The Pretender: erm what the noun

Amazon Alexa: Sorry, I don’t know that one.

The Pretender: Sorry, just an inside joke. Also, WHERE IN THE NAME OF WHITESQUARE AM I?!

The Pretender

“Your honour, I was merely pretending.”

Origin: Pretend

Pronouns: they/them

Likes: pretending

Dislikes: Among Us

Codename: The Masquerader

Fun Fact: i cannot find a way to play this game. strangely, i don’t think that’s going to affect the writing of this character.

Amazon Alexa

“I’m not quite sure how to help you with that.”

Origin: Amazon

Pronouns: she/it

Likes: being unsure

Dislikes: trade unions

Codename: The Assistant

Fun Fact: can play music

McLovin’ It Jingle: Ba-da-ba-ba-bahhh, I’m… not lovin’ it where the fuck am I!

Alexa: Sorry, I’m not sure.

McLovin’ It Jingle

“Ba da ba ba ba, I’m lovin’ it!”

Origin: McDonald’s

Pronouns: it.

Likes: lovin’ it

Dislikes: communism

Codename: The Capitalism

Fun Fact: this was originally a joke suggestion that got taken seriously

Ed: This isn’t my favourite charity, WildLifePals, which helps animals in need! You can help by donating, even just a couple of pence could greatly help an animal in need!

Dennis Reynolds: No one wants to hear that after they’ve just been KIDNAPPED!

Ed: Well excuse me for caring about the poor animals who have nobody to help them! Call-

The Pretender: OK, OK, time out! Obviously, tensions are pretty high since we’ve all, presumably, been kidnapped. But there’s no reason to get at each other’s throats. Let’s just calm down. Get to know each other, y’know?

thot gorilla: hey this isnt my usual strip club…

The Pretender: …wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.

Ed

“meow”

Origin: a creative imedia course

Pronouns: he/him

Likes: WildLifePals

Dislikes: The Void.

Codename: The Bald

Fun Fact: is CHEEKED UP. its insane.

Dennis Reynolds

“You know, because of the implication.”

Origin: It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia

Pronouns: he/him

Likes: sex

Dislikes: his father

Codename: The Psychopath

Fun Fact: may be a serial killer

thot gorilla

“in da clurb, we all fam.”

Origin: Ibis Paint

Pronouns: he/him

Likes: being for the streets

Dislikes: virginity

Codename: The For The Streets

Fun Fact: i couldn’t get a bra on him

Blue Kirby: what the poyo

Blue Kirby

“One day you will have to answer for your sins, and God may not be so merciful.”

Origin: Kirby And The Amazing Mirror

Pronouns: it/its

Likes: being blue

Dislikes: orange

Codename: The Knock-Off

Fun Fact: can play music

Alexa: ( singing ) Alexa, ooooo-

Dennis: Can we not with the songs?

rap goose: hey i know about songs

rap goose

“im a scat man”

Origin: Ibis Paint

Pronouns: rap goose

Likes: rapping

Dislikes: mainstream music

Codename: The Duck

Fun Fact: is a soundcloud rapper

Ethan ‘Blonde Boyz’ Cyndago: What’s up? I’m Ethan, and I’m fourteen! Slaying all these women with my massive peen!

Ethan ‘Blonde Boyz’ Cyndago

“I dyed my pubes blond so I can get some dick! I mean suck some- I mean get my dick sucked-”

Origin: Cyndago’s YouTube Channel

Pronouns: he/him

Likes: drinking lots of soda and hanging out at the mall

Dislikes: knocking out his ball

Codename: The Skateboarder

Fun Fact: should be blond. not blonde.

Postman Pat: Hello, fellows! Say, we’re in a spot of bother here, aren’t we? I’m Postman Pat, and this is my black and white cat, Jess.

Postman Pat

“I don’t feel like a very happy man.”

Origin: Postman Pat

Pronouns: he/him

Likes: delivering parcels

Dislikes: that stupid bitch Edwin Carbunkle

Codename: The Van Man

Fun Fact: he exists

Mickey Mouse: Heya, folks! Would you happen to know where I am?

Jason Dean: Probably in hell where we belong. Of course the afterlife would be this stupid school, even now I can’t get away. (And Veronica’s not here either, is she?)

Saiki Kusuo: (Good grief, what’s happening now? Who are all these people?)

Michael Mouse

“yeehaw mouserfuckers”

Origin: Disney

Pronouns: he/him

Likes: cheating on Minnie with Donald Duck

Dislikes: Goofy

Codename: The Free Use

Fun Fact: PUBLIC DOMAIN BITCH

Jason Dean

“Our love is god, let’s go get a slushie.”

Origin: Heathers

Pronouns: he/him

Likes: Veronica

Dislikes: his dad

Codename: The Big Blue

Fun Fact: you can’t fix him

Saiki Kusuo

“Good grief.”

Origin: The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.

Pronouns: he/him (occasionally she/her)

Likes: coffee jelly

Dislikes: literally everything

Codename: The Antisocial

Fun Fact: he’s canonically trans

Postal Dude: Hi there. I gotta say, I didn’t want to be at a school anytime soon. The best victims always go to the bank, not to learn what a ‘juxtaposition’ is. So could anyone please tell me why the fuck I’m here? Go on, don’t be shy. You, pink haired girl. Do you know?

Hitori Gotoh/Bocchi: (Even after improving, someone with social anxiety could never answer a guy with a gun!) I-i-i-i-i-i–i-i

Postal Dude: Great. While we’re talking, would you like to sign my petition?

Bocchi: (Oh no, I don’t have the confidence to respond but I also can’t refuse it! I’m trapped! Someone please save me, I can’t do this!)

Baba: …

Postal Dude

“You probably think I’m not a nice person.”

Origin: POSTAL

Pronouns: he/THEY fuck you

Likes: murder

Dislikes: whiny congressmen

Codename: The Pissbaby

Fun Fact: still more sane than the average Texas citizen

Hitori Gotoh/Bocchi-chan

“I don’t wanna work! I’m scared! People scare me!”

Origin: BOCCHI THE ROCK!

Pronouns: she/her

Likes: guitar

Dislikes: interacting with people

Codename: The Guitarist

Fun Fact: IT SHOULD’VE BEEN THE ROCK FUCK

Baba

“...”

Origin: BABA IS YOU

Pronouns: it/its

Likes: pushing things around

Dislikes: lava

Codename: The Destroyer

Fun Fact: ive not finished this game the codename just comes from the Ranboo video

JD: How many people or other sentient beings are even here? Less than I was expecting for hell, definitely. Come on, no Heather Chandler?

Roxie Hart: This is hell?! (If this is hell, how come Fred isn’t here?)

Giant Rat: I’m da giant rat dat makes all of da rules.

Hyakuya Mikaela: (This… where has Lord Ferid taken me? This isn’t his mansion.)

Roxie Hart

“And I love you, and you love me for lovin’ you, and I love you for lovin’ me, and we all love each other. And that’s cause none of us got enough love in our childhoods!”

Origin: Chicago

Pronouns: she/her

Likes: being popular

Dislikes: Velma

Codename: The Showgirl

Fun Fact: she is so different when you watch the musical live

Giant Rat

“Rats, we’re rats, we’re the rats”

Origin: Rat Movie

Pronouns: it/its

Likes: Aladdin

Dislikes: the police

Codename: The Rulemaker

Fun Fact: the actor was meant to say ‘Aladdin’ was its favourite movie but heard someone talking about frozen yogurt and instead said ‘Frozen’

Hyakuya Mikaela

“I’m surrounded by morons.”

Origin: Seraph of The End

Pronouns: he/him

Likes: Yuu

Dislikes: humans

Codename: The Vampire

Fun Fact: Lord Ferid is a straight-up groomer i actually don’t care what people say

Junko Enoshima: ( depressed voice ) Am I finally in my own killing game? Have I been ripped off? ( excited ) Oh, yes, so much despair!

Junko Mother Fucking Enoshima

“iasgdyjasgdyj despair”

Origin: Danganronpa Trigger Happy Havoc

Pronouns: she/they

Likes: despair

Dislikes: boredom

Codename: The Analyst

Fun Fact: did you know that several police officers actually take inspiration from her technology? it’s true! just google 40% cops!

Bocchi: KILLING GAME?! 

She melts into a small puddle.

The Cat: Why, a killing game. That is an interesting concept.

Makima: It is interesting, if nothing else. That being said, why would a school be chosen for such an event? It seems like the wrong environment for such a thing.

The Cat: However, it could also add… some individuality, I suppose.

Junko: ( teacher voice ) Schools are the most common place for killing games to be held. It maximises the levels of despair. I guess I didn’t broadcast to as many places as I thought if you didn’t realize that.

Nagisa Shiota: Killing somebody shouldn’t be a game…

Felonious Gru: WHERE ARE THE GORLS?! AND WHAT IS THIS ‘KILLING GAME’? Oh, I’m having a BAD, bad day!

Blue Hair: I guess there’s really no way of winning a killing game…

And Knuckles: Hehehehe, gorls.

The Cat

[cat]

“woof”

Origin: Coraline

Pronouns: he/him

Likes: being a cat idk

Dislikes: the other mother

Codename: The Meow

Fun Fact: i dont actually know this guys personality

Makima

“Humans are like dogs to me.”

Origin: Chainsaw Man

Pronouns: she/her

Likes: humans

Dislikes: bad movies

Codename: The Mastermind (sorry junko)

Fun Fact: you could say she’s… a bit of a control freak ( ba dum tss )

Nagisa Shiota

[nagi]

“Kill me? You wouldn’t know how.”

Origin: Assassination Classroom

Pronouns: he/him

Likes: short hair

Dislikes: long hair

Codename: The Gender

Fun Fact: for some reason i never see people talk about his mother and im also so mad at the anime for spending a singular episode on it.

Felonious Gru

“Life is full of disappointments. For some people…”

Origin: Megamind

Pronouns: fuck it they/them

Likes: the gorls

Dislikes: OSHA compliance

Codename: The Moonwalker

Fun Fact: say what you will despicable me at least had a better sequel

Blue Hair

[b]

“something TV Girl idk”

Origin: TV Girl

Pronouns: it/its

Likes: pronouns

Dislikes: baldies

Codename: The Tv Girl

Fun Fact: this was purely for the blue hair and pronouns joke but now i have to write this

And Knuckles the Echidna

[here i come rougher than knukcles]

“And Knuckles!”

Origin: one of the Sonic games

Pronouns: he/him

Likes: punching things

Dislikes: when people steal the master emerald

Codename: The Pumpkin

Fun Fact: im not even gonna try with this guy

some person who exists: this is a pretty cool placeholder text

another person who exists: no it isnt

Melody Amaranth: ..text? …what does that mean?

SKULLCUCK69: No one said anything, you fucking idiot, you dipshit, just delete your account at this point, honestly, what even is this map? Did I get hacked? Can’t even quit out, great, this is just what I wanted.

Melody Amaranth

[yippee introductions ^^]

“i love my girlfriend i love being lesbian ughhhhh girlsssssssssssss”

Origin: Super Lesbian Animal RPG

Pronouns: she/her

Likes: her girlfriend

Dislikes: violence

Codename: The Furry

Fun Fact: canon transfem and i love it

SKULLCUCK69

"Not even trying, bro."

Origin: Halo Combat Evolved


Pronouns: he/him

Likes: winning

Dislikes: gaming

Codename: The Halo

Fun Fact: it's his team that sucks not him come on guys why won't you believe him it was his team you're just salty and garbage it was his team he's a great player he's awesome he's gonna kill you if you don't shut the fuck up with your slander he's not mad he's just having fun you're the one getting all ragey fuck you your parents never loved you he's better than

Melody: …what.

Pretender: We really shouldn’t be getting at each other’s throats right now when we’re trying to figure out what’s going on. 

SKULLCUCK69: No one asked, bro.

Pretender: Thank you for your helpful commentary. 

Riri: PLEASE PAY ME I’M DOING MY JOB RIGHT- wait where am I?

100% Accurate Fox: HIYA!

Riri: Byea.

MC: …is this what fever dreams are like?

Riri

[wuzard]

“You really are anti-heroine material!”

Origin: Romantic Killer

Pronouns: idk?? Sometimes she/her sometimes he/him, mainly referred to as ‘the imp’ though

Likes: being paid

Dislikes: being taken back to headquarters for getting too personally involved

Codename: The Wizard

Fun Fact: cosplaying them is hard cause theres no fitting clothes and i have to make the wand from scratch

100% Accurate Fox

“Come back when you can put up a fight.”

Origin: Star Fox/TerminalMontage/Rivals Of Aether

Pronouns: hi/ya

Likes: wavedashing

Dislikes: McDonalds

Codename: The Rival

Fun Fact: Our cause is just.

MC

"I gently open the door."

Origin: Doki Doki Literature Club!

Pronouns: he/him

Likes: anime

Dislikes: reading actual books

Codename: The Self-Insert

Fun Fact: Dan Salvato hates him

Sero Hanta: WOAH what the hell?! Where is this?! Reveal yourself, villain!

Sero Hanta

[tape guy]

“Hard no, bro.”

Origin: My Hero Academia

Pronouns: he/him

Likes: weed, according to most of the fandom

Dislikes: glue, probably

Codename: The Tape

Fun Fact: his hero costume is made to look like a tape dispenser the poor guy

??: AIght cAn thE lAst fOUR hURRy Up

Dennis: The hell do you mean last

He spots Unknown Specimen 3. staring at him and refrains from further comment.

Spooper: …

Guest F: I’m Guest F. I’m actually more serious than my smiles let on.

PERFECTHEART: Where exactly did the voice come from?


Dry Bones: AH!

Spooper

"..."

Origin: Spooky's Jump Scare Mansion

Pronouns: they/them

Likes: internal impregnation

Dislikes: getting hit with an axe

Codename: The Radiation

Fun Fact: they don't actually use radiation get lied to

Guest F

"Your homework is due tomorrow."

Origin: Nintendo Guest Mii but mostly Tomodachi Life because it's peak and there's a sequel and it's probably going to cost 100 quid yeaaaaaaaaa

Pronouns: she/her

Likes: risotto

Dislikes: prison

Codename: The Preset

Fun Fact: Easygoing Optimist

PERFECTHEART

"I said that you would regret this, children."

Origin: fairly notable game OMORI

Pronouns: she/they

Likes: perfection

Dislikes: emotion

Codename: The Perfect

Fun Fact: shares her battle background with someone else said to be perfect. you'll never guess who

Dry Bones

"AH!"

Origin: Super Mario Bros. 3

Pronouns: it/xits

Likes: racing

Dislikes: pesky plumbers

Codename: The Skeleton

Fun Fact: uh, according to desilusion.com, 'In medical and educational settings, dry bones are essential for teaching anatomy. They provide a tangible way for students to learn about human and animal physiology. For instance, using dry bones in anatomy classes allows students to understand complex structures visually and physically.' so there you go.

?: if thats everyone can we get on now xx

???: YES

????: Finally, you damn kids take too long.

MC: No, nope, I’m leaving, disembodied voices are not what I signed up for, I didn’t even sign up for anything, this is too far!


MC goes through the exit door.

??: thREE, twO, OnE…

MC rushes back in.

?: guess he didnt like the eyeball ground xx

Bocchi: The-the-the-the-the-the what?

????: All you lazy dawdlers get a move on.

?: youve not told them what they need to do xx

???: GUYS WAIT I’M IN THE NAME I SHOULD SAY WHAT THIS IS

The Pretender: That would be appreciated.

???: HI I’M WESLEY THIS IS MY GAME SHOW THAT YOU’VE BEEN BROUGHT IN FOR AND THE OTHERS ARE wyAtt Wendy AND Wilhlem AND YOU’RE GONNA DO CHALLENGES AND STUFF WOOOOO

Sero: None of us have agreed to this?

wyAtt: yOU wIll whEn yOU lEARn whAt thE pRIzE Is.

Wendy: we have a prize? xx

wyAtt: thIs Is why yOU lIstEn whEn wE tAlk . yEs, thERE Is A pRIzE. whAt Is thE pOInt Of A shOw wIthOUt A pRIzE?

Dennis: What prize?

WESLEY: IF YOU WIN YOU GET CONTROL OF A PLANET

Dennis: Oh, OK, sure, a whole ass planet, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN A PLANET?!

Wilhelm: Damn kids don’t know how to listen anymore. Obviously it means a planet. What else would it mean?

The Pretender: The issue is more so the fact that people don’t just get planets. You know? 

Wilhelm: Obviously, we don’t know. Damn kid being so uppity, are you stupid? People obviously just get planets here.

The Pretender: Yes, that doesn’t tend to happen in the real world. In the real world , you get thrown out of office buildings for turning the temperature down. You don’t get planets.

Gru: I got the moon once.

Dennis: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU GOT THE MOON?! I’m just, someone better start explaining things before I SNAP THEIR NECK!

Mickey Mouse: Woah pal, that’s getting a bit violent!

JD: Violence is the cornerstone of society, you fool hardy rodent.

BABA: VIOLENCE IS YOU.

JD turns into the concept of violence.

WESLEY: NO WE’RE NOT DOING THAT SHIT

Wendy: this isnt that kind of show xx

JD turns back.

JD: I am viscerally disturbed on another level now.

Ethan: Woah dude, that was well freaky!

Blue Hair: certified freak certified loverboy :heartbreak:

and Knuckles: they not like us frfr

wyAtt: …mOvIng On, lEt’s tAlk AbOUt thE shOw’s stRUctURE And hOw thIs Is gOIng tO wORk.

Roxie Hart: …what kind of show? How many people will see it?

wyAtt: tbd

Blue Hair: bro fr said ‘tbd’ out loud

and Knuckles: in the year of our lord 2025?

Roxie Hart: …what.

thot gorilla: what the fuck is a year

Gru: Can we save all this until AFTER the explanation?

rap goose: hey its rappy goose and im here to say no.

Gru: FREEZE RAY!


Gru freezes rap goose with his freeze ray that he has.

thot gorilla: no my bbg

wyAtt: eVerYoNe SHuT THe FuCK uP aND LeT Me eXPLaiN HoW THe DaMN SHoW WorKS!

Wendy: they got so mad they inverted xx

WESLEY: SO YOU GUYS ARE GONNA SORT YOURSELVES INTO TEAMS OF 9 AND THEN THOSE TEAMS OF 9 ARE GOING TO DO CHALLENGES AND ONE OF THOSE TEAMS WILL LOSE AND THEN BOTH THE VIEWERS AND THE TEAMMATES WILL VOTE ON WHO WILL GET ELIMINATED AND THEN IT’LL KEEP GOING UNTIL TWO PEOPLE ARE LEFT AND IT’LL BE REALLY COOL AND THE WINNER GETS THE PLANET AIRUSD

Melody: Why would we want a planet..

Dennis: What can we do on the planet? 

MC: Is it like a sandbox game? Can we do The Sims In Real Life but with…. ‘airusd’?!

Nagisa: Does… does anybody inhabit the planet? Could you… move there with a group of people and have it all to yourself?

wyAtt: cAn wE plEAsE fUckIng fInIsh bUt yEs tO sAndbOx And mOvE thERE

McDonald’s Jingle: Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.

WESLEY: DO WE HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO EXPLAIN

Wilhelm: No, we finally managed to finish somehow.

WESLEY: OK COOL GUYS YOU CAN GET INTO TEAMS NOW

The voices stop.

Sero: What… the fuck.

Mika: Let’s just comply, for now.

Sero: Holy shit, I forgot about you.

Mika: Don’t worry, I don’t care enough about you to be affected.

While this conversation happens, The Pretender walks up to Nagisa.

The Pretender: Greetings.

Nagisa: …hi? Who are you, sorry?

The Pretender: Yahudha. As for yourself?

Nagisa: I’m… Shiota Nagisa. Just… call me Nagisa.

Yahudha: (Is he using his actual name? What a fool.) So, ‘Nagisa’, would you like to start forming a team together? You seem competent enough.

Nagisa: I guess? Probably good to start on getting a team so we don’t have to worry about it as others make their teams. I mean, we wouldn’t want to get stuck with the… song.

Yahudha: Yes, yes, that was exactly my thought process. I knew I made a good choice with you. Please don’t disappoint.

Nagisa: Who else should we ask to join our team then?

Makima: I will join your team. You seem more intriguing than the other people. 

Yahudha: (Who else looks good enough to carry challenges while also being irrelevant enough to get voted out when needed?) 

Saiki: (Oh no. I know where this is going.)

Yahudha: Hello, pink haired human! I have to say, it’s been a while since I’ve seen humans in the flesh. Due to this, I’m trying to surround myself with the more human contestants. So, would you like to join our team?

Saiki: (Why does God hate me?)

God: (because fuck you)

Saiki: Good grief, whatever.

Yahudha: And that human too! They look like they know a thing or two about a thing or two.

Postman Pat: Hello, fellows! I am more than happy to join this team and share some postal expertise.

Yahudha: (Easy target. The big question is, who next?)

BABA: BABA IS JOIN.

Yahudha: (Wow, that’s… actually perfect, shame I have to act sad about this.) Awww, I was hoping to interact with more humans! Oh, well, dreams don’t always come true.

Saiki: (Good grief, this guy’ll be a pain.)

Makima: How about the mouse and the blue ball? One will be an easy target and one holds great power.

Mickey Mouse: Sure, pals!

Blue Kirby: Poyes.

Yahudha: (This is going absolutely perfect! All I need is one more contestant who’s not going to argue against anything I say and can be easily kicked out when needed.)


Alexa: Ay up me duck.

Yahudha: (Absolutely perfect.) I suppose we should take the digital assistant?

Nagisa: It would probably be helpful. (I wonder if she’s as good as Ritsu?)

Alexa: Hello.

Yahudha: Wait, we’re done already?

Mickey Mouse: It seems so!

Postman Pat: What should we name the team, ladies and gentlemen?

Yahudha: (The fuck is a ‘ladies’?)

Mickey Mouse: Something that shows how nice and friendly we are!

Yahudha: Death Murder Kill.

Death Murder Kill - Yahudha, Nagisa Shiota, Control Devil, Saiki Kusuo, Postman Patrick, BABA, Micheal Mouse, Blue Kirby, Amazon Alexa

Mickey Mouse: That… isn’t what I had in mind.

Blue Kirby: *smiles*

Dude: Hi there.

Bocchi: H-h-h-h-h

Dude: Are you going to join my team or I am going to have to conjoin all your limbs to different areas?


Bocchi: MMMMM

Dude: I’ll take that as a yes!

Blue Hair: hey i want to join too pls bbg

and Knuckles: yesh plz

Dude: …you know what, we can always do with fodder! Like that cat.

Cat: I suppose I can join.

Blue Hair: ok cool thats another member but we need more

and Knuckles: fox like tails

Melody: Do… do you mean me? I suppose I can join…

100% Fox: COME ON!


Fox McColud has joined your team!

Melody: ..why is he the only one to get that announcement?

SKULLCUCK69: This team is garbage.

Dude: Congratulations, you’re in now!


SKULLCUCK69: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you all, kill yourselves you pathetic shitheads.

Cat: Are you sure you aren’t projecting?

Guest F: I want to be friends with Melody.

There is no response as this is the real world and not Tomodachi Life.


Guest F: I’m an independent person, I can do things on my own!


Guest F goes up to Melody.

Melody: H… hi?

Guest F: woh woh woh woh woh woh woh - er, I mean, wanna be friends and also teammates and all that cool stuff?

Melody: Um, uh, yeah, I suppose…

A text box appears saying ‘It went well!’

Melody: Oh…

Dude: Now we just need a name! What do you think of ‘Gary Coleman Fanclub’? Baring in mind that if you don’t agree, I will beat you to near death with a shovel.

Cat: I’d rather not be beaten with a shovel.

Melody: …

Blue Hair: no fcuk you

and Knuckles: you piece of siht

The Postal Dude pulls out a shovel.

Fox: HIYA

HIYA: Postal Dude, Hitori Gotoh, Blue Hair, & Knuckles, Cat, Melody Amaranth, 100% Accurate Fox, SKULLCUCK69, Guest F

Dude: …

SKULLCUCK69: I’m going to hang you on your mother’s wall. 

Spooper: …

Dennis: Wait, are you just a child in a sheet? That’s almost pathetic, I don’t even need to be here! I’m going to find someone less

PERFECTHEART: Hello, new teammates. 

Dennis: Shit.

PERFECTHEART: Now, who else will join us?

McDonald’s Jingle: Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.

…

Dennis: I’m killing myself. 

Roxie: I’ve been looking for a team, and I was wondering if a good-looking man like yourself could help me out.

Dennis: Yeah, that’s cool. (They never get any smarter.)

Ed: Hey, would you like to help me spread the word about WildLifePals, my favourite charity that helps animals in need? In order to help them, just call or text the number 0118 999 881 999 119 7253.

McDonald’s Jingle: I’m lovin’ it.

PERFECTHEART: Who else, is the question?


JD: Greetings and salutations.

Ed: Hello, do you care about the animals in need?

JD: It’s hard to care about anything in a society that would throw me to the wolves if it meant some rich kids could have a nicer yacht. I’m joining your team because you look more reasonable than the others, though.

Roxie: You seem like a guy who knows what’s what. How old did you say you were?

JD: Seventeen. 

Junko: ( delinquent voice ) HEY, IT’S FUCKIN’ JUNKO ENOSHIMA HERE TO JOIN YOU! ( depressed ) And then I get to watch every potential friend fall into despair as they are condemned to elimination. Isn’t this great?

Cut to Sero and Dry Bones.

Sero: Damn, running out of people to make a team with, they’re all taken.

Dry Bones: AH!

Sero: Great talk.

rap goose: hey i can rap i should be able to join

thot gorilla: wherever you go i go :sad:

Sero: …sure, what can you do?

Riri: Hey, I can be useful too! I’m a wish-granting wizard!

Sero: That’s a way powerful quirk…

Ethan: Hey bro, can I join this totally rad team?

rap goose: you seem chill why not

Ethan: OMG we need that other blond guy!

Mika: …me?

Ethan: Fuck yeah.

Mika: …

thot gorilla: thats so sexy

MC: (I don’t want to join this team but I’m scared of Junko.) Hey, any space for me?

thot gorilla: slut drop your way in, be my guest

MC: …screw it.

MC slut drops into the team.

thot gorilla: hell yeah do your thang baby girl

And then there were two.

Giant Rat: Hey, I’m here now, cool, bye.

The Giant Rat joins Sero’s team… and then leaves the gym where everyone else is.

Ethan: Why would you want to leave the gym? Unless… he’s going to the tub!

MC: What’s the team name?

Mika: ( muttered ) Anything but Japanese Imperial Demon Army.

Ethan: Japanese Imperial Demon Army? I’m American, bro!

rap goose: we can tell

Sero: Wait, we’re naming it Japanese Imperial Demon Army? Odd name, but sure…

Mika: ( muttered ) I’m so fucking done with this.

Japanese Imperial Demon Army: Sero Hanta, Dry Bones, rap goose, thot gorilla, Riri, Ethan Blond Boyz, Hyakuya Mikaela, MC, Giant Rat.

MC: I have no issues with this name.

Mika: ( muttered ) Glad somebody’s okay with it.

Gru: I suppose I’m on your team.

JD: The team which will be called?

McDonald’s Jingle: I’m lovin’ it.

JD: …no. How about Wasteland Warriors?

Dennis: We’re not some weird indie metal band, let’s use a name that people will actually like. I’m not being mean, I’m just, I’m just thinking with my head, you know? A friendly name that doesn’t show any signs of harm. I vote we call it Team Freedom.

Roxie: ( getting very close and personal with Dennis ) I think that’s a grand name, very fitting, darlin’..

Gru: That’s a most excellent name!

Junko: ( bored voice ) Lame, let’s just call it Ferret Eaters and be done with it.

Ferret Eaters - Unknown Specimen 3, Dennis Reynolds, PERFECTHEART, McDonald’s I’m Lovin’ It Jingle, Roxie Hart, Ed, Jason Dean, Junko Mother Fucking Enoshima, Felonious Gru

Ed: WHAT THE FUCK NO?!

Junko: ( playful voice ) Oopsies!

WESLEY: YO THAT’S DONE COOL NOW TO SEE WHO’S MOST POPULAR





Obligatory cOntEstAnt POPULARITY form xx: https://forms.gle/tbprR1yb2DNs2D8W9 

WESLEY: COOL WE’LL CALL YOU WHEN IT’S CHALLENGE TIME THE WHOLE SCHOOL IS YOUR OYSTER OR WHATEVER YAY

The voices stop.

McDonald’s Jingle: Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, I’m lovin’ it.

-----

Death Murder Kill - Yahudha, Nagisa Shiota, Control Devil, Saiki Kusuo, Postman Patrick, BABA, Micheal Mouse, Blue Kirby, Amazon Alexa

HIYA: Postal Dude, Hitori Gotoh, Blue Hair, & Knuckles, Cat, Melody Amaranth, 100% Accurate Fox, SKULLCUCK69, Guest F

Japanese Imperial Demon Army: Sero Hanta, Dry Bones, rap goose, thot gorilla, Riri, Ethan Blond Boyz, Hyakuya Mikaela, MC, Giant Rat.

Ferret Eaters - Unknown Specimen 3, Dennis Reynolds, PERFECTHEART, McDonald’s I’m Lovin’ It Jingle, Roxie Hart, Ed, Jason Dean, Junko Mother Fucking Enoshima, Felonious Gru