Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shit was getting festive in the circus.

Pomni was currently having a small crisis. If it was already christmas, or almost christmas at least, then how long had she been there? 

All of these days blurred together but she didn't remember it being that long into autumn when she first made the grave mistake of trying to play a video game.

And why did they even celebrate Christmas, anyways? Does it imply Caine is a christian or does he just like the spirit of the holidays? She knows god has forsaken them so there’d be no point in celebrating for religious reasons. She’s kind of glad she hasn't seen a single manger and the only cross is the one on Kingers head.

She's completely lost in her thoughts when she feels a hand smack her back. She looks up to see Jax, dressed in an ugly sweater and pajama pants, pointing at Zooble across the room and cackling .

She looks to see what's so funny only to nearly choke on her own spit.

Zooble has just walked into the room, every single one of their parts being switched for something holiday themed.

A santa hat and long stick with what could only be mistletoe hung on it were mounted to either side of their head. Their chest embellishment was swapped out for a wreath. One leg seemed to be that of a goat, maybe a Krampus reference? The other was a candy cane. One arm was a tangle of lit string lights while the other was seemingly one of those extendo-claw toys with a ribbon tied on to it.

She found herself being suddenly thankful that her body came firmly in one piece.

And that she was mostly spared from any gaudy holiday get-up. Of course the blues of her outfit were switched out for green, and her normal jumpsuit had been covered by a striped sweater and somewhat baggy pajama pants. Not that the weather had actually gotten colder, but at least she didn't feel overheated like how she imagined wearing this in real life would feel.

Jax and Zooble had gotten into a small disagreement that Pomni didn't bother paying attention to. Instead she distracted herself with what everyone else looked like. Kinger’s purple had been switched out for red, a fake white beard strapped to roughly where his face should be. Gangle didn't change much, she’s already a red ribbon. A stick-on bow added to the top of her mask was enough, she figures. 

Ragatha was wearing a red and white dress. Pomni thought she looked really pretty in it, it matched her hair.

Jax and her were similar coincidentally, they weren't like a matching set or anything. Pomni safely assumes that Caine just ran out of ideas when he was giving out the holiday outfits. 

Currently everyone was just sitting around some random part of the circus, one with couches and decorations and a christmas tree. 

Caine modeled the topper after himself. Is that fitting or egotistical? At least he put a present under the tree for each of them. 

Pomni let her gaze wander towards a fireplace with a chimney that seemingly stretched upward endlessly. A digital fire was softly crackling in the hearth. Stockings with each of their initials hung above it, currently empty. 

She can't help but wonder if Jax had threatened to throw anyone in the fire yet. She figured he might, if he got bored enough, but he seems to be having enough fun as it is making fun of everyone else, mainly Zooble now.

She tuned back into the conversation when Ragatha called her name. Pomni briefly wondered if that was the first time, but regardless she met the ragdolls gaze

“Pomni? Are you doing alright?” Ragatha asked. Pomni stared at her for a second before processing the question 

“Yeah, I think… It just… Feels a little weird to be celebrating. I can't believe Christmas is already here.”

She hears ragatha fake a laugh and notices her look away for a second. When she speaks again she notices an almost strained quality to her voice and can't help but wonder how many times Ragatha has had this exact conversation.

“Yeah, the holidays always have a way of sneaking up on us! But hey, this is your first one here in the circus! Maybe Caine will do something extra fun for it!”

“Maybe…”

First one? Pomni feels a pit form in her stomach. How many Christmases is she going to spend here? How many years will she rot, trapped in this stupid game. She’s been trying to make the best of it but something about the idea of spending fake christmas after fake christmas here sort of immediately has her dissociating again.

She’s only vaguely aware of Jax intruding on the conversation. He and Ragatha start squabbling, but the words are fuzzy and Pomni really can't put any effort into deciphering them yet. When she does, she wishes she hadn't.

“Jeez, Rags, where's your Christmas spirit?”

“What are you talking about! I love the holidays!”

“Then where do you get off traumatizing the new sucker?” 

Before she knows it she's being picked up and held out in front of Ragatha’s face

Ragatha gasps and shouts “Jax! Put her down!”

Jax protests and she can feel a tension in his shoulders, as if he’s holding back a laugh “What? Can't bear to see the consequences of your actions?”

Pomni pipes up and sounds way more tired than she meant to. “This is uncomfortable.”

The two of them pause, then Jax slings her over his shoulder. “That's it, I'm taking short-stack to her room.”

And they’re off before anyone can protest.

Pomni gives his shoulder a small thump. “Jax, I’m not a child, you don't need to carry me.”

Jax chuckles, “Well forgive me for trying to be nice.”

Before she can process that she's been roughly dropped

After a moment to recover she asks “Why are you doing this?”

Jax avoids her gaze as he answers “Don't let it go to your head.”

“I… That's not… That didn't really answer my question..”

“It wasn't supposed to.” He starts walking and Pomni finds herself following him.

They walk in a slightly tense silence to the hallway with all of their rooms.

She’s about to reach for her doorknob when she looks back at him. He seems almost startled for a moment, then he looks around for a second as if searching for something. Eventually he meets her gaze and says “Just. Try not to think about it.” 

She notices a hint of fatigue in his tone and immediately understands what he means.

“How can I not think about it? How many years have you all been stuck here?” 

Maybe that was the wrong question because she can see him get almost angry. “Not that it's any of your business, but I lost count.”

“That's horrifying.”

“I know, right?”

Pomni can feel herself slipping a little bit, letting out an almost hysterical little laugh “Oh god…”

She feels the weight of his hand land on her shoulder, almost knocking her off balance. Jax speaks again soon after 

“Just dont think about it.”

“How?”

“Find a distraction. Like this!” Suddenly his hand moves to her side and she squeals .

He’s tickling her and she’s immediately almost doubled over “Jax you [HONK]! C-cut it out!” 

“But it's funny! You’re squeaking like a dog toy!”

“I cant b-breaahahehehathe!”

“You don’t need to!”

Soon she’s leaning against the wall, desperately trying to swat his hands away, but it's clear he’s having too much fun with this.

“Jax!” She squeaks out between gasps and giggle-fits

Eventually when her chest starts to feel sore from lack of digital air, she pushes Jax’s hands away and he finally relents

She dwells on the lingering smile, the echoes of laughter. When she finally meets Jax’s gaze she can tell that his grin is somehow different, maybe a bit more genuine.

“Thanks, you jerk.”

Jax chuckled and plopped a hand on her head, roughly fussing with her hat for his own amusement “Don't mention it. Ever.”

Once he's done he takes a small step away “I better get back, I think someone needs to fuel the fireplace.”

Pomni narrows her gaze at him “Don't do it with Gangles present.”

He looks back at her as if he just got caught red-handed and she finds it honestly kind of satisfying.

He lets out a small chuckle “Come on, it HAS to be flammable if even you’re thinking about it.”

She rolls her eyes at him “goodnight, Jax.”

“Night pompom.” She watches as he slips away with a small bounce in his elongated stride.

Pomni can't help but dwell on the small hint of normalcy. She better go to sleep before it fades.

Chapter Text

It was newyears eve. 

Pomni was restless . 

Christmas was bad enough but she didn't even get to dwell on the lingering dread long enough for it to settle before she had to process yet another celebration of the passing of time. 

Her gloved hands fidgeted desperately with a bead necklace she was wearing for some reason. Looking down at it, the word “year” dangled from the bottom. Great. Not even dignified with the actual number. Maybe Caine can't actually tell.

Either way, she would be missing it.

Her mortifying internal spiral was cut short by a hand on her back. Looking up, she locked eyes with Ragatha, who was dawned in a similar necklace.

“Hey, Pomni. How you holding up?”

It took Pomni a moment to formulate an answer “Not… Not great. Um… I’m hanging in there,” she uttered the words with a forced smile, finding herself grateful for the question. 

Ragatha gave her a sympathetic look and an offer “I'm here if you ever need to talk, ok?”

“Yeah, thanks Ragatha. I really appreciate it,” Pomni answered, her smile becoming slightly more genuine. 

Soon a voice caught her off guard, leaving her almost flinching as Jax called from somewhere nearby 

“Are you traumatizing the newbie again, dollface?”

Ragatha groaned “No! Why can't you just-” he cut her off 

“Oh, come ooon! Can’t you take a joke?”

As he spoke his gaze darted to Pomni, and she got the feeling he was looking for something. As if to answer him, she gave a half-hearted shrug. That seemed to sate him, causing him to turn his gaze back on Ragatha. 

She tuned out their bickering as she pondered the wordless exchange. Was… was he checking up on her?  

She didn't have time to question it further before she was being tugged into Ragatha’s side with a defiant “Why don’t we watch the fireworks together, Pomni?”

“Uhm… I'm not…” she thought about it a little longer. She didn't really like fireworks, not up close anyways, but being alone with her thoughts had proven problematic right now “Uhm… Su-” 

Jax cut her off “So what, you’re heading out to the lake already?”

Lake? “Lake?” drown yourself in the digital lake .

Ragatha perked up, letting go of some of her hostilities towards Jax “Oh, yeah! Pomni, every new-years Caine throws a big cookout and bonfire by the lake to celebrate. It's a lot of fun!”

Pomni didn't really want to go to a party or something right now, but food doesn't sound too terrible. Might be a nice distraction.

Jax chimed in again before she could formulate a reply “Well have fun without me, I'm hanging around here for the night.”

“Wha..?” Pomni muttered, suddenly staring at him. He seemed a little caught off guard, his gaze flicking back and forth.

Ragatha narrowed her eyes suspiciously “You better not be setting up pranks while everyone else is gone.”

Jax leaned back, placing a hand on his chest “Oh, you know me so well. I'm touched.”

Pomni took a step away from Ragatha, acting purely on impulse “Um. I think I’ll hang back too. I think I feel a headache coming on, so I kind of want to skip the fireworks.”

Ragatha looks surprised for a moment, then concerned “A headache? You’re not feeling ill are you?”

Pomni put a hand up in front of herself “No, no, I’m ok! Just a little… Overwhelmed, I think.”

Ragatha sounded absolutely flabbergasted “And you think being alone with Jax would… help ?” 

Pomni didn't say that. 

“I didn't say that. I just don't want to be around a lot of loud noises right now.”

She looked to Jax, who was being oddly silent.

Jax seemed to snap out of something, moving to side Pomni and put an elbow on the top of her head with a self-satisfied grin “Hey, Pomnis a big girl, she can make her own mistakes.”

She regretted her choice almost instantly, but Ragatha backed off without too much more scolding. She gave a last look at Pomni, sighing “Well, if you ever change your mind, you’re free to join us.”

“Sure, thanks Ragatha.” They waved to each other, then parted ways. Once Ragatha had left, Pomni swatted Jax’s arm from off of her head with a frustrated “Cut that out!”

Jax laughed “But you’re at perfect arm-rest height!” Regardless, he lifted himself off and stood up straight “So, why’d you really decide to hang back?”

Pomni felt her mouth go dry “I dunno… I just didn't want to go.”

“Need another distraction?”

The offer has her set off-kilter, looking up at him with big round eyes.

She saw his expression shift, but she couldn't decipher it. 

“Probably,” was her answer “What about you?”

His eyes narrowed slightly “I find my own distractions, Pompom.” He then reached into his pocket, digging around for a while before pulling out a key-ring “C’mon, let's go shuffle some of Ragatha’s stuff around.”

“ why ?” She asked, narrowing her gaze.

Jax grinned “To make her think I did something. What's worse than finding a centipede?”

“Not finding one,” she finished dryly

Jax paused, then reached out and ruffled her hat with one hand “Exactly!”

Before she knew it, she was rushing to catch up with him as they made their way to Ragatha’s room. She felt the urge to protest and did just that “So why are you pranking Ragatha? Can’t you just… I dunno, leave her alone for a day?”

Jax turned on a dime to look down at her “Why should I? She hasn't let up on trying to play therapist.”

She stopped, realizing she must have stepped on some line. She should take a step back, she doesn't want to ruin whatever had been making Jax stick around.

“I dunno,” she shrugged, trying to sound passive. “It just doesn't seem all that fun to me.”

Jax tilts his head to one side “Oh, ok short-stack.” She can feel his gaze bore into her and can tell she kind of soured his mood.

She watches as Jax drops the keys back into his pocket, which seems to lay flat no matter what he puts in it, she realizes, and crosses his arms at her “What's your idea of fun?” 

Pomni shifts her weight around, pulling her gaze away from him as she tries to think something up “We could play a game. The tent is big enough for hide and seek, right?”

Jax seemed surprised at her for a moment, then grins in shockingly earnest interest “Ooh, that's not as lame sounding as I thought it would be. Still kinda lame, but we can give it a shot.”

He looked around and Pomni followed his gaze. Ah.

Maybe the tent was too big.

It seems like Jax was getting the same idea, so he proposed an additional rule “How about we just stick to the area around the main stage? Wouldn't want you getting lost in the circus’s dark underbelly,” he joked.

Pomni saw enough doors to know she really didn't want the existential nightmare that came from snooping around too much, so she agreed “Yeah, definitely don't want that.”

Once the rule was settled, she asked “Rock paper scissors for who gets to hide first?”

Jax shrugged “Sure.”

She picked her answer, counted down and-

“Hey, Pomni, have you ever noticed that before?” Jax asked, pointing.

“Noticed what?” She looked over, trying to find whatever the hell he was pointing at.

Then she felt the weight of his hand over her balled up fist “Paper beats rock, I win.”

She scowled up at him, frowning “Cheater.”

Jax just laughed, “It's your own fault for falling for it.”

She scoffed, “Go hide already.”

“Cya when you give up, pollen-puff.” He retracted his hand and trotted away, leaving Pomni to close her eyes and count.

She crossed her arms, but she couldn't shake that lingering feeling on her hand.

Soon enough she had counted to whatever number felt fitting, they hadn't really decided on one so she just went to 100, and started off.

She wandered the checkerboard clearings between towering stacks of colorful blocks, staircases, potted plants, and random assets. Falling back into her thoughts was tempting, but she would never hear the end of it if she zoned out and left Jax hanging. Instead she tried to imagine what he’d think like. Of course, that was doomed from the start. Jax had always kept himself to himself, at least for as long as she’s been around. She looked to her hand, wondering about him.

Despite her resolve not to, her mind wanders back to their previous exchanges. Ever since Christmas, which felt like yesterday all things considered, Jax had seemed kind of… 

Not kind, nothing so positive, but almost tired. He’s been snippy, bratty, dickish, but not in the same way he had been. He wasn't being mean for his own amusement, he just seemed irritable. 

She was worried about him, as weird as that was to realize. Sure he was mean most of the time, but he did actually help sometimes. He was there to pull her out when she really needed it, and he even repeated that trend today. He must have more to him, right? She’d have to process it later because she suddenly came across a red plastic monkey tippy-tapping across the tent.

Ah. He’s in a barrel.

It wasn't long until she found which one, peeking inside only to see glowing yellow eyes stare back at her

“The monkeys gave you away.”

Jax tsked “I knew I should have broken them”

Pomni offered him her hand and was a little surprised when he took it. 

They were both surprised when instead of pulling himself out, he accidentally pulled her in

“Whoops.”

She put a hand on her head, thinking she must have hit it in the tumble. She was currently on her back, her knees folded over the lip of the barrels opening as her legs dangled out. She gave the hand that wasn't on her head a squeeze, and noticed that Jax was still holding onto it. 

She had landed basically in his lap as he was scrunched up in the confined space.

“Jeez, Pomni, I knew you were light but you couldn't even hold your ground enough to help me out of this thing?” Jax’s tone was jovial but almost choked sounding. It must be hard to breath in the position hes sitting in.

Pomni growled back a response “You’re the one who pulled too hard.” She shifted, moving her hand off of her head to push at the wall of the oversized plastic barrel “How are we going to…” before she knew it there was an arm moving to curl around her

“Cant trust you for anything. Don't worry, I got it.” As Jax spoke he scooped her up and stood. He stepped out of the barrel and set her down, finally releasing his hold on her hand as he stretched.

She just stood there for a moment, lost deep in her own mind before a hand on her head called her attention

“Guess you win this round, pompom. Now its your turn.”

“I think I'm done with this game,” she replied

“What, scared I’d find you too quickly?” Jax teased

“No, I just… don't want to sit alone waiting for you.” Maybe her reply was a little too honest, because she noticed the hand on her head tense for a moment, then pull away 

“Fine… do you wanna check out the fireworks?”

Pomni looked up at him “I thought you weren't going to see them.”

Jax grinned “Not at the lake with the losers, I got my own vip spot. Come on, It’ll be epic.”

And just like that, shes following him again. She almost forgot for a while that this is the start of a new year. A whole new year in the circus. The silent walk wasnt helping.

He led her up a tall spiral staircase and she almost felt out of breath by the time they reached the top. It led to a small balcony with a red and yellow awning, a railing surrounding the open edge. It was facing right towards the lake. The last hints of digital sunset were still shimmering on its surface.

She must have been staring, because soon Jax invaded her thoughts with a teasing “Its nice, right? You owe me one for letting you in on it.”

Pomni chuckled, the mood feeling lighter at the sight “You’re the one who insisted I come.”

Jax shrugged “Yeah, well, what else was I supposed to do? Hang around in the tent and listen to you complain?”

She moved over to the railing, leaning on it “That's what you do with Ragatha, right?”

Jax groaned, moving to lean next to her and copy her pose “Not by choice. She just needs an ear to yap into and im the only character who actually has any.”

She looked over to him “Oh, yeah… well, anyways I think its more about the way you act. Shes really sweet most of the time.”

Jax scoffed, suddenly looking towards the lake “Yeah, well, we cant all be like Ragatha.”

She straightened up a little, then moved an inch closer to him “You’re right. If it makes you feel any better, I don't want you to be like Ragatha.”

Jax met her gaze again, only just now registering the shift “What, her nagging get on your nerves too?”

“No, I just don't think I’d have as much fun here if no one was being you.”

Jax paused, his expression shifting “Course not, I'm the only one who really knows how to have any fun around here.”

Of course, his type of fun usually came at a steep price, but she was actually too relaxed to try lecturing him right now. Maybe he could tell, because he broke their gaze to look back at the fading embers of the sunset. 

Pomni stared out at it, fake digital trees and fake digital light on fake digital water.

“I wish I could see the real thing.” The words left her lips before she had even registered the thought, the sky quickly growing dark around her as the moon rose into the sky.

Jax let out some noise, something between a chuckle and a sigh “We all do, you aren't special.” 

Pomni turned on him, giving a light smack to his shoulder and drawing a laugh out of him and a small “Didn't realize you were the violent type.”

“I'm not, you’re just a bad influence on me,” she replied with half-lidded eyes and a small smile.

Jax happily returned the look “Ooh, really? We’ll have to hang out more often.”

That was what they were doing, huh?

It was nice.

Soon enough she heard a distant boom, the side of Jax’s face becoming illuminated in a soft red glow. She turned to look, the fireworks spreading explosion after explosion of glittery sparks across the sky.

Jax was still looking at her, she could tell. Eventually he leaned close and said “I hope one of them hits the moon.”

Pomni turned to him “ Jax !”

“Whaat? Its not like it would kill her.”

 She scoffed in disbelief, then let out a small laugh “Its kind of hard to remember, but I think she was flirting with Caine when I first got here and he was showing me around.”

He bust out laughing “One hell of a first day. Welcome to hell, now watch the moon try and seduce a pair of dentures.”

The sheer absurdity of the sentence got her laughing right along side him “God, that was awful.”

Jax shrugged and bumped shoulders with her “Eh, you lived.”

She turned her attention back to the fireworks for a long while. Eventually she asked “Hey, how do we tell when its actually midnight?”

“Just keep watching, you’ll know when you see it.”

He was right, as soon the fireworks turned into the shape of numbers counting down

10

9

8

Pomnis chest constricted. This was it, the end of the year. The start of a new one where the circus would be her only reality.

5

4

3

She felt a pressure on her back and it was so welcome. She leaned into it, savoring the warmth of it and using it to ground herself as the numbers ticked down

2

“Hey Pomni?” Jax asked

1

She turned her head to look at him, realizing just how close they had gotten “Yeah?”

Happy new year.

Without warning Jax leaned it and pressed a brief kiss to her lips. She gasped, eyes widening for a moment and face flushing red. When she came out of her thoughts he was just grinning at her.

She snorted, then moved to rest her forehead against his chest to quell the next oncoming crisis, though this one wasn't existential in nature and therefore preferable “You’re such a jerk. Warn me next time.”

Jax pulled her a bit closer “Next time, huh?”

Pomni registered what she had said, then affirmed it 

“Yeah… Next time.”