Chapter Text
You woke up to screaming on the baby monitor, rolling over and hearing the cries of your son as you rubbed your eyes. You sat up slowly, wrapping your arms around your husband, who for some reason, was already upright, slightly hunched, but clearly awake.
“Babe?” you spoke groggily into his skin, and he didn’t say anything for a few moments, causing you to gently poke his stomach with the fingers linked around his waist, “Nick, sweetie?”
“What? Oh,” he glanced over at you before his eyes raced to the baby monitor - after acting zombie-like, he was suddenly very alert, “I didn’t notice…”
“Didn’t notice? He’s making my ears bleed,” you laughed softly, kissing his shoulder blade before moving to get out of bed.
Nick’s head snapped towards you like an owl, and it was only then, in clear view of your husband, you realized how bloodshot his eyes were in the moonlight creeping through the window. His hand shot for yours, his grip a little tighter than expected, “I’ll check on him, you sleep–”
“Babe, you look like you’ve been up all night. I got a couple hours, I’m awake now. I got it,” before he could protest, you had already walked to the nursery to soothe the baby.
Nick sat on the edge of the bed, the hand that had gripped yours lying on the pile you had made with the sheets, knuckles turning white as his nails began to dig into his palms. As soon as he felt the shot of pain, his fingers froze up, as if every joint was suddenly on edge, and he finally was able to release himself. He stared at the small band of white gold on his finger, painful thoughts being replaced by those of you and Teddy. He still thought he was in his own head when you stepped in front of him, cooing at the baby in your arms, swaddled in green fabric. You reached one hand for Nick’s shoulder and he flinched, making your fingers spring back.
“Nicky?” you asked tentatively, and he froze for a minute at the nickname before looking up at you, just in time to watch you sit beside him and to feel the dip in the mattress.
“Hey.” His voice was hoarse, more than he expected, and although his tone was gentle, he recognized the effort that came with that softness. He looked down at his son in your left arm, your right reaching over to gently rub his back.
“What’s up with you?” you asked softly, as the baby made little noises, looking up at you with wide eyes. You nodded at him, somehow understanding the baby talk and knowing what he wanted, whispering ‘one sec’ to him with a smile before your gaze shifted back to your husband.
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. Babe, something’s been up since you got back from your parents. You haven’t been sleeping properly for three days.” Although your words seemed firm, your tone was so soft - Nick liked how you talked to him that way. Like you could never be angry with him, like the thought of raising your voice at him was unbearable for you too.
“I…I’m angry.” Such a simple sentence, but it held so much weight.
“At them? Did something happen?” you questioned. As much as you didn’t like Nick’s parents, you always supported him when he was determined to go see them. There was no changing his mind once it was set anyway.
“Vee.” Your eyes softened at the name of his sister, waiting for him to continue. “They talked about her like she was nothing. Like she was worthless, weak–” he cut himself off, realizing that the crescendo of his voice, coupled with his tone, was going to scare the baby. Nick scoffed, “and they mentioned Laurie, like she was some rabid dog. Their own granddaughter.”
Nick spat the words with venom and you felt bile rise up in your throat. Nick’s parents were sick. You wondered why he even bothered trying with them, with the way they treated his sister up to her death, and the way they abandoned their granddaughter. As you continued to think about your late sister-in-law and her daughter, Nick spoke again.
“I’m gonna kill ‘em.”
The four words hung in the air for the moment. They were spoken so gently, as if he was saying ‘I love you’ or ‘goodnight’. You couldn’t tell if that was to avoid scaring Teddy, or if Nick was somehow mundanely letting the thought stew in his head. You hand reached for his, unsure of what to say.
“Sorry,” he offered his son a small smile and pressed a kiss to your cheek, and while you appreciated his attempt to lighten the mood, you knew he was still deep in his mind as he allowed his hand to lay limp in yours. Teddy’s soft babble broke you out of your worry.
“Hey, so I found out he was crying ‘cause he was hungry, and I did feed him, but I think he’s asking for cheese, because I do not know what else ‘chi’ could be. He’s not gonna go down ‘til we give it to him, are you, you little sewer rat?” you giggled down at the baby and he smiled with practically brand new teeth. Nick looked down at you and Teddy, and while everything in him felt like smiling, it never reached his face. “I think we’re outta cheese, babe. It’s late, so I might run to the gas station and grab a sandwich - I’ll just pull the slice of cheese out for him.”
“I can get it–”
“You, sir, are far too tired to drive safely. Besides, I think you could use a sec to yourself, hm? I’ll take Ted with me. Go on a little midnight adventure,” you looked at Teddy for approval of your plan as you stood, and he just continued to smile and ask for ‘chi’. You’d take that as agreement.
“Are you sure?” Nick asked. Despite his desire to come with, something in him wanted nothing more than to continue to sit on the edge of the bed and let his thoughts run wild.
“Yeah, hon, don’t worry, We’ll be back in a bit. Call if you need anything,” you pressed a soft kiss to his temple and walked off to the car.
Unbeknownst to you and little Teddy in his carseat, leaving Nick would ruin everything. Not even Nick knew who or what he would become that night.
As soon as you had left, Nick had tried to sleep once again. He had to. Whatever part of his brain that wouldn’t let him go to the gas station certainly wouldn’t stop him from sleeping. Not anymore. His head hit the pillow and that’s exactly what he did. He slept.
But then he was up. He didn’t know how long he’d been asleep. It felt like months and years but it also felt like minutes and seconds. Did he even go to bed at all? He looked down at himself and pushed the covers off him, before noticing the blister packet laying on his stomach. It was empty, bent, like the fingers that had opened it up were shaking - just as Nick had found it.
“It’s you, Nick.”
Nick scrambled back, up against the headboard as he heard that voice, watched her as she looked at him so casually, like she had when she was alive.
“You’re special. You’re chosen.”
Terrified at this impersonation of his sister, Nick didn’t dare make a sudden movement. His mind cleared. He was dreaming. He was just dreaming. He laid his head back onto his pillow and shut his eyes again.
“You’re dreaming, Nick.”
Once again, he shot up from his slumber. Once again, he didn’t know how long he’d been out. Once again, he was looking at a hallucination of Vee.
Only, Vee had never said that. In all the times Nick had dreamt of his late sister, she’d never confirmed that he was dreaming. She always tried to convince him she was there, that she was alive. This wasn’t Vee. This wasn’t just Vee.
“But it doesn’t mean this isn’t real.”
That threw him off. He had to confirm, shaking his head, “Vee?”
“I’m not your sister, Nick.”
This was new. Nick’s hallucinations of Vee had always tried convincing him otherwise. She– it spoke again.
“I’m an angel.”
Religion was making its way into his nightmares, now? Was he going crazy?
“An angel?” Nick was glad his tone was becoming more incredulous. It was grounding, in a way.
“My name is Lucifer.”
He knew he was crazy now. Nick would’ve laughed, if it wasn’t so disturbing, looking at his dead sibling. He held onto that incredulity.
“Sure. Naturally…um– could you do me a favour there, Satan, and remind me to quit drinking before I go to bed?” Nick wasn’t entirely sure he had had a drink before bed, but there was no harm in asking.
“I’m here because you’re special, Nick. There’s very, very few people like you.”
He wanted to laugh, again. The devil in his head was funny- or maybe he had just broken Nick’s sense of humour, “is that so?” he asked.
“You’re a vessel. A very powerful vessel.”
“Meaning what, exactly?”
“I need to take control of your mind and your body,” Vee– no, Lucifer watched as Nick’s expression dropped, “to be honest, it’ll probably be unpleasant for you…but it is necessary.”
“Okay– look, if it’s just the same to you, I think I’d like to wake up now–”
“I told you. This is real.” Nick watched as Lucifer sat beside him and Nick could feel the dip in the mattress. “Don’t be afraid. This is your choice. You need to invite me in.”
“Even if this is real– which it’s not, but assuming it was…” Nick stared into his sister’s eyes. She was still in the grey sweater and faded blue jeans that Nick had found her in, “...why the hell would I do something like that?”
“You people misunderstand me, you call me– Satan and…Devil, but– do you know my crime?”
Crime? Nick shook his head. Why did Lucifer fall in the first place? Wasn’t it pride? He wasn’t sure.
“I loved God too much…” Nick failed to notice the pause before Lucifer said his Father’s name. It was similar to how he spoke about his own parents. “...and for that, he betrayed me, punished me. Just as he’s punished you.” It became too difficult to look at Vee, but when Nick opted to glance at the ground, he saw that same blister packet by his feet. It seemed there was no escaping this vision - or was it reality? That is what Lucifer had said.
“After all, how could God stand idly by while your sister was at her lowest…while she laid on her bathroom floor? How could He let your parents talk about her like that? And her daughter? There are only two rational answers, Nick; either He’s sadistic…or He simply doesn’t care.”
Nick looked back at Lucifer, at the angel puppeteering his sister’s body. He thought about his visit to his parents’. He thought about the last few sleepless nights. He thought about his conversation with you, only moments before. Where were you? How long had you been gone with Teddy?
Lucifer noticed how Nick’s thoughts began to drift, and his stare intensified as he moved a little bit closer. It was enough to snap Nick back to this apparent reality.
“You’re angry. You have every right to be angry– I am angry too. That’s why I wanna find Him. Hold Him accountable for his actions. Just because He created us, doesn’t mean He can toy with us like playthings–”
“If I help you…can you bring back my sister?” Nick was overcome with grief. Tears streamed down his face. The way Lucifer had spoken, the way his words seemed firm but his tone was so soft. Nick liked how Lucifer talked to him like that. Something in the back of Nick screamed that that’s how you talked to him. That he didn’t need whatever Lucifer was offering him. He’d managed without Vee for this long already, he had you before she was gone and after. He had Teddy, he had his son. He didn’t need this.
“I’m sorry. I can’t.”
There it was. Nick didn’t need this.
“But I can give you the next best thing. God did this to you, Nick…and I can give you justice. Peace.”
Perhaps, he did need this.
“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” Nick was scared to look at Lucifer for too long. He could feel himself succumbing to the idea.
“Because, contrary to popular belief…I don’t lie. I don’t need to. What I need…is you.”
Nick couldn’t stand it. Every other thought had fallen away. About you, about Teddy, about Vee…even if he tried to convince himself, this was about him.
“Nick, I need you to say yes,” Lucifer pleaded pathetically, but Nick knew he was the one being strung along. The choice that was supposedly his didn’t seem so much like his anymore. Or maybe it seemed more like his than it ever had. This was about Nick, but it was so much bigger than him. That’s what Nick needed. Nick needed this.
Nick wanted this.
“Then, yes.”
Soon enough, Nick wasn’t himself anymore. He was still there - he looked down at his legs and his arms as he dressed himself. No, he didn’t dress himself. He was being dressed. Out of his pajamas and into jeans and a t-shirt. A button up was thrown over it. His socks and boots were put on. The mirror looked at him.
The man standing there looked just like him, but his eyes certainly weren’t Nick’s. It hurt. Nick was in pain, he wanted to scream. But he was smiling at himself. Lucifer looked awfully comfortable in Nick’s skin.
The pain subsided after the initial moments in this bodily imprisonment. That is, until Lucifer walked his body towards the front door. It flung open before him. Nick wondered how he did that. He supposed if Lucifer really was an angel, opening a door with his mind would be a cinch. Or was he opening it with Nick’s mind? How’d that work?
Nick realized it wasn’t telepathy at all. You stood there, sleeping Teddy in one hand, sandwich in the other, with the plastic peeled open and the cheese slice missing, just as you had said.
“Nick?”
Your voice sounded so real. Nick could feel himself calling out for you, but no sound came out. His mouth remained shut.
“Honey, where are you going? Is everything okay?”
Nick didn’t know what to say, How could he begin to explain? He himself didn’t know what had happened. Did he? Or did he know perfectly well? Something in him stopped him from feeling the shame and guilt he thought he should feel. He sensed it was the devil, now not only in his mind, but in his body, too. The devil on the tip of his tongue, who used it to answer. Lucifer spoke to you.
“I’m going out.”
You tilted your head in confusion, but before you could say anything, he gently pushed past you and stepped outside. You scrambled to put the baby and the sandwich down on the couch, before rushing outside and grabbing your husband’s shoulder.
“Hey–”
Lucifer nearly flung you backwards, his arm twitched to push you away, but Nick’s screaming rebuttal stopped him. He did have some care towards the vessel.
The eyes that looked at you as you touched his shoulder were unfamiliar, and you looked so surprised but still continued. This was Nick, after all.
“Nick, I love you. Whatever’s going on, we’ll sort it out. I love you,” you held a level of trust in Nick. If he had to go for a bit, he had to go. Deep down, you knew it’d be okay. But Nick’s eyes weren’t very reassuring.
Nick cried inside his own body, choking out those three little words but again, nothing came out. You heard none of it.
Lucifer walked away in Nick’s body wordlessly, and once he was a few metres away, you noticed Teddy’s cries from inside the house. You rushed back in to comfort him as he screamed just like his daddy. The front door shut and you soothed your baby. You told Teddy that he would be back, but Teddy had sensed something you didn’t. You thought it’d be okay. Nick would be okay.
This was Nick, after all, wasn’t it?