Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When an orphan disappears, no one goes looking. Mika guessed that technically he didn’t know if he was actually an orphan or not, but he did know that was a rule which applied to him all the same. He learned that way back when he was a kid. After spending days lost in the mountains, he finally managed to stumble his way back into the boundaries of the small village he’d foolishly tried to run away from, and discovered hardly anyone had noticed his absence.

It made sense, of course. Everyone had their own lives and families to worry about. No one could afford to waste their time on a kid who didn’t belong to them. If he wanted food and shelter, he had to be able to pull his own weight. And if he was stupid enough to try leaving on his own, then his well-being was his own responsibility.

Mika wasn’t smart, but he learned that lesson well. From that point on, he made sure to be a lot more careful whenever he left town. He never stayed out after dark. He always stayed within sight of the cleared paths. He didn’t take any risks with himself that he couldn’t afford. A miracle had saved him once before - that wasn’t something he could count on ever happening twice.

And yet…

As a harsh gust of wind blew snow into his eyes, Mika couldn’t help but laugh. No matter how much care he took, the strange weather that had been plaguing this whole year still outmatched him. He had known today was gonna be iffy, but the baker had been very clear. If he wanted to use the loft in the spare room for the winter, he needed to pay for it somehow. Working for his board was already out of the question after his last attempt ended in burning a whole batch of rolls - considering that, firewood was about as cheap a price as he could hope for.

The first few flakes, Mika failed to notice. He was too absorbed in chopping up a fallen tree into something he could carry back to pay any attention to the sky. It was only when the snow had built up enough to coat the ground that Mika realized it was already coming down pretty hard. And once he took a real look around, he found he couldn’t remember what direction the path back into town had been in. At that point, he stopped thinking about anything other than trying to figure out the right way… and all it took was one wrong turn here, an attempt at a shortcut there, and Mika discovered with a sinking stomach that he’d gotten so turned around, he didn’t recognize a single landmark anymore.

The days were short. What little light had made its way through the thick gray clouds overhead would disappear before he knew it. Then he’d really be in trouble. His night vision hadn’t improved one bit since he was a kid - if anything, he was pretty sure it had gotten worse. 

Shivering, Mika mumbled to himself, “Maybe I could find a cave or somethin’ ta hunker down in ‘til mornin’…” He did have a pack full of firewood with him, after all. As long as he got out of the wind first, he could keep himself warm through the night, and then try again once he could see where he was going. That seemed smarter than stumbling around blindly in the dark and the snow.

…Well. It had seemed smarter. But Mika had, of course, avoided any real exploration of the surrounding mountain range since his first time getting lost. All he was really doing was walking further and further without the slightest idea where he was going, or how he’d find what he was looking for. In that time, the snow built up more and more, hiding rocks and roots underfoot that tripped him up and disoriented him further. The wood was heavy on his back. Dark crept in across the sky, and Mika could feel a kind of panic threatening to sink in as his field of vision grew dimmer, as if the world itself was disappearing around him.

At least his cloak was decently thick, if very patchwork. But it wasn’t warm enough that he could just spend the night outside. The chill had already sunk through it and deep into his bones. He could hardly even recognize how he felt as ‘cold’. Mika started to think that if he stopped moving, he might not be able to start again. All his limbs would just freeze right up, if he let them sit still long enough.

“…Freezin’ ta death shouldn’t be too bad,” he tried to remind himself, “Always heard it doesn’t actually hurt.” Like going to sleep. That’s what the townspeople always warned each other about. Don’t ever go to sleep out in the cold, or you’d slip away without knowing.

Mika thought about it carefully. To be honest, nothing hurt at all. Although he’d been hiking for hours, his legs just felt heavy and numb. That was probably worse, he guessed. It was hard to move heavy things. Especially with the snow already reaching way up past his ankles. Sooner or later he’d stumble, or slip, or wander right over an edge he couldn’t see, and he wouldn’t be able to get back up.

When that happened… he’d have no choice but to take a little rest, right? It wouldn’t be giving up, or being ungrateful to all the people who had looked after him until now. It’d just… be something that couldn’t be helped, that was all.

A sigh escaped him, and he felt his grip on the straps of his pack start to slip. Maybe he should put it down. All that wood probably wasn’t going to be of use to anyone at this point.

Then he walked right into something pitch black, rough, and very hard. “Ngah-!”, he grunted as he bounced backwards, more surprised than actually hurt. His face was pretty numb too, after all. Still, he rubbed the spot on his forehead that had made the collision on reflex, and used his other hand to grope at just what was in front of him. It felt like a wall. Mika swallowed, then tilted his head up to see if he could spot how high up it went. But through the whirling snow, the black stone blended perfectly into the sky. It was as if it just went up and up forever.

Through all the exhaustion, curiosity managed to spark. Was this someone’s house? Or maybe a fort from some long-ago battle? He didn’t know, but no one would bother building a wall in the middle out in the mountains for no reason. There had to be something on the other side. Keeping one hand against the stone, he started walking the length of it, to try and find some kind of opening. In only a few steps, he stumbled again - but was able to catch himself thanks to the rough bricks giving him a slight handle.

…Right , he thought, with less weariness than he might have expected. Guess that settles that. Not time to rest just yet.

Straightening as best he could, Mika tried to think optimistically again. The cave idea had been a bust, but surely this would be just as good. Finally, the stone wall gave way to an iron gate. Through touch more than sight, Mika could feel the elaborate designs twisting up and down the heavy bars. Just as his heart started to sink, certain than any gate this fancy was sure to be locked… he felt them move under his touch. One whole side of the gate swung inward, as if bidding him to enter. Mika took a moment to decide that was lucky and not scary, and walked on through.

Between the heavy snow and lack of light, Mika couldn’t tell what kind of place he’d stumbled across, though he knew he must be looking straight at it. He got the vague impression that it was big, and that was about it. Probably an old fortress after all. That was good. If it was some abandoned building, then no one would care if he spent the night here. His pace picked up, as much as it could, forcing him up a small flight of steps towards the biggest door he’d ever seen. 

Despite that, a little push was all it took to open this one as well. In fact, the door gave way almost the moment he touched it, allowing Mika to squeeze his way inside as soon as the opening was big enough to fit through. As he basically collapsed onto the floor inside, the door closed back up and his gathered wood clattering all around him, but all Mika could think was an endless stream of gratitude towards whatever god had led him here. He could have cried from relief, except he was pretty sure his tear ducts were all frozen up too. He settled for letting out a long, long sigh instead, taking comfort in seeing that his breath wasn’t fogging up in here. He couldn’t quite feel the warmth himself yet, but that was proof of it. It really would be okay now. There had to be a room with a fireplace somewhere around here, he reasoned, as he started picking up as many of the scattered sticks as he could. He’d borrow it for the night, clean up in the morning so no one would ever know he’d ever been here, and then try to find his way home after a good night’s sleep.

“Pardon th’ intrusion,” he said to the empty foyer, before beginning his search. There was something soft underfoot. A carpet or rug or something. Following that was as good a way to start as any. It wasn’t much easier to see here than it had been outside, with no candles or torches, so he had little else to guide him. 

As he carefully shuffled down a hall, to his surprise, there seemed to be a faint glow from one of the rooms towards the far end. Was someone else here…? Were they another lost traveler making shelter how they could, like himself, or… or the actual resident, who might not want company?

Mika hesitated, trying to decide whether he ought to hide somewhere they might overlook him, or if he should go ahead and throw himself at their mercy. He kept shifting back and forth uneasily, and almost made up his mind to turn around, but… if it was someone who didn’t want guests, then hiding would get himself thrown out for sure. At least if he greeted them properly and explained he was lost, he could maybe beg his way into being allowed to stay.

Besides, the promise of a warm fire was too much to pull away from. All his instincts strained towards it. So he did his best to brush any lingering snow off his hair and clothes, to look at least a bit presentable, and knocked on the wall just before the doorway. “‘Scuse me, sir. Or ma’am,” he said, as he stepped into view, “I don’t mean t’ be any trouble, but I’m afraid I got myself lost…”

His explanation trailed off when he realized there wasn’t anyone there. The fire was bright enough to give him a decent view of the space. It looked pretty big, with a much more lush rug carpeting the floor, and two large chairs set up facing the fireplace. Mika peered inside, twisting his head this way and that, but couldn’t catch even a shadow of another living soul.

“Guess they musta just stepped away?”, he muttered to himself. Someone had to have started the fire, after all. And most likely whoever did would be back soon to make use of it. Better to wait here for them and warm up a little. Then, if they did throw him out after all, he’d be more prepared for it. Nodding to himself, he walked over to set his wood down on the hearth. Once he saw his accidental host, he’d offer them all of it as payment if they wanted it, and worry about what to do for the baker later. For now, he sat down on the warm stone and shrugged off his wet, cold cloak.

The heat pricked at his skin. Mika shivered and took deep breaths, trying to get that warmth as far into his lungs as he could. He started to wish he had a blanket, or something dry to wear, before cutting his own greedy thoughts off. Why was he always like that? As soon as he had something nice, he wanted more. That wasn’t any kind of attitude to have. Especially not in front of his host. All he was going to ask for was permission to stay the night. Nothing else.

That one thought revolved in his own head, at first determined and then increasingly sluggish. As his body thawed, his own weariness started to seep into the cracks. There was still no sign of anyone coming back. Maybe it would be alright to just take a little nap first, Mika began to think, as he slumped over onto his side in front of the fire. If they felt sorry for him, they might be more willing to let him stay.

When Mika woke up, he struggled momentarily with the sense of being cocooned. It took rolling back and forth several times before he was able to push his way out of the heavy blanket on top of him, leaving him to blink blearily at the cold, unlit fireplace in front of him. Shivering, he pulled the blanket back up over him and took another look at just where he was. As his memories gradually cleared, he recognized the room he was in as the same one he collapsed in the night before. But the blanket wasn’t the only new thing. He’d been moved over onto the carpet, and there was a pillow just where his head had been too.

Whoever owned this place… they must have seen him, right? And instead of waking him up or forcing him out, they’d gone so far as to let him borrow more of their belongings. Mika clutched at the blanket, tugging it up over his shoulders as if it were a shawl. He had to thank them. And then he had to ask what kind of repayment they wanted. 

That wasn’t the end of it, though. There was a set of clothes set out on one of the chairs - a shirt, pants, and vest. The difference in material from the rough, threadbare set he was wearing already was obvious with just a touch. And there was a note left on the small table just beside it last. It reeked of wealth too, with really fancy, sloping penmanship and a kind of glittery gold around the edges of the paper. Mika had to squint and read very carefully, but the words were at least simple enough for him to understand.

‘ Your cloak will take three days to repair. Provided you remain on the first floor, you may stay until it is finished. ’

“Hah? But-” Mika looked up and around, trying to argue with the person who had written those words. That couldn’t be right, could it? Nothing in life was free. There had to be something he was supposed to do to pay them back.

Yet no matter how many times he flipped the note over in an attempt to find some more instructions, nothing appeared. One rule, and that was it. Maybe… he’d find out what he was supposed to do in exchange once they were done. Mika had been cautioned about that kind of scam before. If something seemed too good to be true, it probably was. 

Whether or not that was the case, the fact was that he couldn’t go anywhere without his cloak. It would be way too cold, and he didn’t know which direction he was supposed to go to get back to the village. However he looked at it, he didn’t have much choice other than to wait until his host revealed themself. Mika toyed with a corner of the note, then set it back down onto the table. Right. Whatever they might demand from him later, Mika already owed them his life anyway. There wasn’t anything they could ask for that wouldn’t be fair.

The first day, Mika was able to fill the hours purely by exploring the first floor. The building was even bigger than he had thought. There were rooms full of things Mika had only ever heard about from travellers. Huge paintings and sculptures, walls lined with books from top to bottom, a beautiful dining room with a table long enough to seat at least fifty… forget a fortress, this was more like a castle.

There was a kitchen too, thankfully, bigger than the whole bakery. By the time he stumbled across it, there was already a pot of some rich-smelling soup on the stovetop, and a bowl and spoon set out on the counter close by. Mika hesitated, wondering if perhaps he was interrupting his host’s mealtime. When no one else appeared, he decided to accept it as an instruction, just as the clothes had been. “Thank ya kindly fer the meal,” he made sure to say, as loud as possible, before eating. It was a lot thicker than the kind of soup he usually got, so he could barely manage a small portion, but it was nice to have something warm in his stomach.

Some kind of magic was at work here. That much, Mika felt sure of. In little things, mostly, but they added up bit by bit. Doors opened on their own, allowing him inside before he could touch their handles. When he came back into the kitchen for dinner, the soup had managed to stay hot all day. And when he returned to the room with the fireplace to sleep, it was lit again, and this time he could see that there was no actual wood fueling the flames. 

It was exciting to realize - Mika knew magic existed, but it was something that few people had any talent for, and any enchanted objects were too expensive to be practical for their little village. Being suddenly surrounded by it… made all of this feel like more of a dream. Or a story that parents would tell their children.

Maybe that was why he was being allowed to stay for nothing. If the castle basically took care of itself, then there probably wasn’t anything he could do for its owner. They must be so secure and well off, it really wasn’t any trouble to take a stranger in for a couple of days.

The explanation was reassuring in its way. But by the second day, Mika found himself getting kinda bored. He wasn’t used to not having anything to do. Laying around for too long just made him feel itchy, and made it too easy to start thinking about stuff he shouldn’t. 

At first, he thought maybe he could distract himself with the library. He’d never had many chances to read just for the fun of it, and there were more books in this place than he’d ever seen in his life. It was a once-in-a-lifetime chance! For all his eagerness, though, Mika quickly found himself far out of his depth with even the shortest tomes on the shelves. The best he could do was pick out a few familiar words here and there and admire the pages with illustrations. Everything else was incomprehensible. Wasted on him.

“Ehehe… guess it’s no good after all,” Mika said, laughing lightly as he returned his most recent attempt to it’s rightful spot. “Sorry ‘bout that.” Already he’d gotten into the habit of talking to whatever he interacted with. He wasn’t sure how magic worked, exactly, if it instilled any kind of understanding in what it touched. But when he looked at all the empty rooms, and saw how quickly the objects in it responded to his presence, he could only imagine them as very lonely.

Thinking of it like that… one room had seemed lonelier than any of the others. So that was where Mika decided to go next. The ballroom had seemed so huge the first time he saw it, he couldn’t actually bring himself to go in. All he could do was gawk in the doorway at the sparkling floor, high ceiling, and massive windows lining the far wall that showed off an awe-inspiring view of the mountain range.

Well, today he would go in! He’d just… be very, very careful not to scuff up the floor any.

Quiet as he tried to be, his footsteps still echoed in the large space. He couldn’t imagine how many people it would take to fill it up. Everyone from town, maybe? He tried to picture them all dressed up in fancy clothes and hats and jewelry, dancing together with a whole band playing. Tried to picture himself, too. What it would take to make him look like he belonged in a place this fancy. Glancing down at the outfit that had been left for him that morning, it definitely didn’t do the trick. The clothes themselves were pretty, of course. It was all soft and comfortable, and the buttons were bright and shiny, and the vest had all this painstaking embroidery running up and down the front. But it was way too big. Too obviously not meant for him. If anything, it just showed how out-of-place he was.

Mika fidgeted with the cufflink on one of his too-long sleeves while he tried to roll them up. That boy… his had been similar, hadn’t they? It’d been too dark to make out many details that long-ago night in the mountains, but he remembered how that child’s cufflinks had caught the light of the lantern he’d been carrying and twinkled just like little stars. Mika remembered, because it had taken all of his willpower not to try and grab at them.

A smile came to his face, as it always did when he remembered that night. It really had been a miracle, the way that boy had appeared out of the endless, directionless dark with a lit lantern, just when Mika had given up any hope of finding his way back home. How the boy had fussed over Mika’s scratches and bruises, and insisted on giving him his own cloak to wear. And how they’d held hands and walked together until they managed to find a road again. Then the boy had seen his family’s carriage further uphill, and let go of his hand to run off towards it. Some voices emerged from the dark, from people too distant for Mika to see, and a burst of panic drove him to run down the road away from them. He didn’t want that stunningly warm and happy memory to end with strange adults asking what he was doing out there all alone, or taking away his gift.

“That sure was stupid,” he sighed to himself, “I shoulda at least gotten his name first.” Not that he knew what he’d do with it if he had it, though. Mika kicked lightly at the ballroom floor. This was the kind of place that boy belonged, no question about that. It had already been obvious to Mika, a child half-blind in the dark, that they may as well be different species. His hands had been so soft and delicate, and there wasn’t a scratch on him. Even his shoes were still shiny-new. Mika bet that boy danced in places like this all the time, now that they were both grown up. He bet that people lined up just to partner with him. Anyone that pretty and kind was bound to be popular.

Mika hesitated, and took one more look around the ballroom. Then he lifted his own arms in a mimicry of the poses he’d watched other villagers use at festivals, or on the occasional night when the tavern was full of music. He couldn’t remember any specific words, but there were some tunes he liked and had tried to memorize. Dipping between humming and singing nonsense, he shut his eyes and spun his way across that huge room, trying as hard as he could to remember how that gentle hand had felt in his own.

Then he whacked his elbow right into one of the pillars decorating the room, and jarred to a halt. “Ngah… that’s what I get fer not watchin’ what I’m doin’...”, he grunted, rubbing at his arm before giving the pillar an apologetic pat, “Sorry ‘bout that.”

And then, from behind, a small noise. A little ‘click’ of a step onto the smooth floor. Mika jumped to attention, whirling around with a deeply embarrassed blush already heating his face, an apology for playing around halfway out of his mouth - and saw no one. Heart pounding, Mika found himself shaking a little as he stood up and called out, “Hello? Someone there?”

No answer. No other sound. Although Mika checked all directions just outside the doorway, he couldn’t see any sign of his host. But when he returned to the kitchen to try and eat a little something for lunch, there was a small basin of icy water left out, with a hand towel hanging over its edge. When he realized he was probably supposed to use it for his elbow, Mika couldn’t help bursting into a grin. Geeze! His host sure was shy, huh? If they were worrying about it that much, they should’ve said something.

More and more, Mika wanted to thank them. To introduce himself to them, and learn their name. That was probably greedy, he knew. And really, he had no illusions about the two of them becoming friends or anything. It was just... too sad, wasn’t it? To not know that much about either of the people who saved his life.

When the third day arrived, Mika thought maybe he would get a chance to talk to them. That once they finished up on his cloak like they said, they’d come down to give it to him, to see him off and accept his gratitude properly. But when he woke, he found his clock - not just cleaned and fixed up, but given additional lining to make it sturdier - already left hanging on a chair nearby. A small bag with some bread had been left next to it, but there were no other notes. They didn’t even wait for him to wake up first. It felt like… they really wanted him to leave as soon as possible.

Mika felt something heavy build up in his chest as he looked at it, and managed to turn it into a laugh. “Well, ‘course they do!”, he told himself, with as much cheer as he could, “Who wants an uninvited guest hangin’ around any longer than they gotta?” It made sense. He was an intruder, after all, and he’d already been treated with way more generosity than he could’ve asked for. The least he could do was make himself scarce nice and quick. Admittedly, he still… didn’t really know how to get back down to the village from wherever this was. But that was all the more reason to head out early. No point wasting daylight.

That was what he told himself. What he planned to do. But when he stopped in the foyer to put his cloak on before heading out, he heard something again. Just a tiny little noise, hardly more than a shift on the carpet behind him. 

This time, when he turned to look, he did catch sight of something. Right at the top of the stairs, for a moment he could spot something small fluttering between the rails of the bannister. A child, maybe? Mika’s heart lurched at the idea. Sure, there was all this magic stuff around, but no one would just let someone that young live all the way out here alone…

…No, he corrected himself with a shudder. There were definitely parents out there who would.

As soon as he thought that, his body moved on its own. Mika ran up the stairs after them, calling out, “Hey, wait a sec! I’d like t’ talk to ya fer a little bit!” There was no sign of anyone, but this time Mika didn’t let that stop him. He saw what direction they’d run in, and charged right down the hall to his left, calling out over and over asking them to talk to him for at least a few minutes. 

Up on the second floor, the doors didn’t open at his touch. They wouldn’t budge. It was darker, too. What windows he passed had drawn curtains, and there wasn’t a single lit torch. Truthfully, Mika wasn’t confident that he could find that child if they were hiding from him on purpose. But there was just no way he could leave without knowing for sure what was going on. If he was misunderstanding, then that was fine. He’d apologize for making a mistake and leave like he was supposed to. But… but if there was a little kid who’d been abandoned up here… Mika didn’t know what he could do for them, exactly, but he at least wouldn’t abandon them too. 

Finally, he managed to find a door that wasn’t locked - because it had been knocked right out of its frame. “Ah geeze,” he muttered, leaning in close to get a decent look in the poor lighting, “This seems kinda dangerous, don’t it…?” The thick wood was splintered, barely hanging onto its lower hinge, the top totally snapped off. What could’ve done that? His line of sight traced it down to the floor, where he realized a shattered plate lay in fragments on the ground. 

With an alarmed grunt, Mika knelt down to pick it up. Someone could get hurt, stepping on that! But once he did, he realized he'd breached very edge of the mess drowning the entire room. Further in, a pillow was torn open, feathers tossed all around it. Blankets and sheets were strewn everywhere. A chair had been knocked over with two legs broken. And that was only what he could make out among all the shadows. Mika’s jaw dropped as he took in the extent of the damage. It wasn’t impossible, of course, that a kid who was hurting and alone would act out… but the one he saw had been very small. Was there… someone else with them after all? Someone dangerous…?

Mika swallowed, then tried calling out again, “‘S-’scuse me? Is anyone here?” There was no noise, no movement. Taking a breath, he stepped a little further in, carrying the shards of plate. There wasn’t anywhere to put them in the hall, and he couldn’t just drop them back on the floor - he’d just put them down on a table or something, and then look somewhere else.

It was really dark, though. He stuck close to the wall, but he could hardly see a thing he was doing. After listening again for any kind of noise and finding nothing, he groped around with one hand, shuffling carefully through everything littering the floor.

Finally, he brushed against a curtain. Mika breathed a small sigh of relief, and pulled it open enough to let a bit of light in. That alone helped a lot, allowing him to spot a bureau with a shattered mirror tucked into a corner of the room. Surely no one would notice a few more broken pieces mixed in with the glass. Of course, it would really be best if he could clean all that up… but finding that little kid had to come first.

As he set the remains of the plate down and uneasily wondered if all this stuff had been enchanted at some point too, Mika’s eye caught on something gold. Against the opposite wall, a painting leaned at rest. As far as Mika could tell, it was the only undamaged thing in the entire room. A portrait of a beautiful boy, his blonde hair and burning red eyes caught in that slim light, staring straight out at him. The longer Mika looked at it, the more he thought that ‘beautiful’ wasn’t a good enough word. The guy was practically angelic, delicate and pristine, every inch painted with such obvious care, even Mika’s untrained eyes could tell.

…That boy he met, all those years ago… what color had his hair been? Mika wasn’t sure, but it’d definitely been something light… 

“Oh! Dear, please,” a little voice suddenly called out to him, “You mustn’t be in there!”

Mika stiffened, realizing then that he’d started walking over towards the portrait. If he lifted his hand out, he could probably touch it. Jumping back, he hurriedly said, “Ah-! Sorry, sorry, I really didn’t mean ta snoop.” Any further explanation caught in his throat when he turned and realized it wasn’t a child who had spoken up. It was a doll - probably not two feet tall - with very long blonde hair, waving a frantic hand towards him. Was that who he’d seen earlier? 

“I know,” she said, right away, “I’m sure you didn’t mean any harm. So hurry back downstairs quick-”

Before Mika could take a step towards the door, something leapt in through the doorway, too fast for his eyes to keep up with it. It grabbed his cloak and threw him back away from the painting, almost hitting the broken chair.

“What the devil are you doing? Get away from that,” that thing snarled, seeming to fill the entire room. Mika blinked, not quite understanding what he was looking at. At a first glance, it looked a lot like an owl, but he’d never seen one so big, let alone one that could talk. “You- you ungrateful wretch ! How dare you come in here?”

“Um! I’m sorry,” Mika stammered, trying to push himself up, “I saw a kid - or, um, yer doll, I guess - a-and I thought-”

The creature’s eyes honed in on him, all their feathers bristling out further. Despite everything, Mika was struck by how pretty they were when the light fell on them. White as freshly fallen show, tipped with a pale pink. “Thought that my hospitality meant you could walk all over me? Thought you could disobey my one order without any consequence, and make off with everything I hold dear?”

“No! No, of course not, I just-” 

“Silence! I don’t want to hear your excuses!” The creature had a tail, Mika realized. It was whipping back and forth like a cat’s, knocking into the bureau and cracking what was left of the mirror further. “I should’ve never let you in here in the first place, let alone stay! There truly isn’t a single person in this miserable world worth trusting!”

“Shu,” the doll tried to protest on his behalf, “You aren’t letting him explain at all!”

“What explanation could he possibly have for coming up here? He had everything he needed. He was supposed to leave. Why would he be here if not to take you away, o-or damage Nito, or laugh and gawk at the…” The creature - Shu, apparently - suddenly whirled back around towards him. “ What are you still doing here? I told you, get out! Get out, get out, get out !”

It was an awful, miserable wail, as Shu scooped the doll up into his talons, spreading his wings out so Mika couldn’t see either of them. If she was trying to reassure Shu, it couldn’t be heard, and Mika didn’t try to speak up at all. He scrambled to his feet, and ran, exactly as he was told. 

The front door was already open when he reached the foyer, the cold air sweeping into the castle. This time, Mika didn’t stop or look back. He just kept going, and once he was through the door, it once again slammed shut firmly behind him.

A breeze blew past, ruffling his hair. With a shiver, Mika realized his cloak had a serious tear in it. Must’ve happened when he got grabbed. Like this, the chill went straight through. Well… well, at least it wasn’t snowing. And the sun was pretty high up in the sky. But once he crossed the gate’s threshold as well, a single look forced Mika to accept that he didn’t have the faintest idea how he was supposed to get back. He really didn’t recognize anything about this area. No one ever talked about a castle being nearby either. How far had he gone that night, with all his aimless wandering? And where… where was he supposed to go next? He blinked at the bright sunlight reflecting off the smooth white surface, took a deep breath of the ice-filled air, and headed what he assumed was east. It was a direction, at least.

Shu… had really been scared, hadn’t he? Even though he was so big, when Mika remembered what he’d actually said, every word had been laced with terror. It must have… been really hard for him to let a stranger stay in his house. Every day must have been awful, hiding away and wondering whether he’d wind up betrayed by the guest he allowed in. But he took care of Mika regardless, and fixed his cloak, and made him food… 

And then Mika went and proved him right, without stopping once to think about why he’d been given that rule to follow in the first place.

Stupid . That word floated perpetually around in his own head as he trudged through the snow, no other thoughts able to push it away. He was just so stupid . Could never do anything right. That was why no one ever wanted him to stick around too long. Why he kept getting shuffled around from one house and job to another. Why he’d been left behind in that village in the first place.

He was sure now. The only reason why he could think back on meeting that boy as such a happy thing was because it’d been brief. If he had tried to spend any longer with him, he would’ve ruined that too.

Though it grew dark while Mika was as lost as ever, he couldn’t bring himself to care. The numbness has sunk in too deep. He just kept shuffling along bit by bit, the act of moving itself keeping him upright. It didn’t really feel like it mattered where he wound up anymore. If by some miracle he found his way back, he didn’t have any of the firewood he was supposed to gather, so the baker was gonna be disappointed. Would she give him another job, or pass him on to someone else? How much longer was he gonna have to keep bothering people, leeching off of them, making their lives harder with his useless stupidity?

His vision blurred for a moment. Without bothering to stop, Mika wiped at his eyes to clear them. His footing slipped. Or the ground gave way. Whichever it was, he couldn’t quite tell, but it sent him falling down a heart-stoppingly steep slope either way.

The snow was enough to cushion his land, at least. But when he tried to stand back up, his leg crumpled right under him. It hurt. Everything else was numb, but his leg… it hurt too much to ignore. For a long moment, all he could do was stare at it, trying to comprehend what exactly he could do next.

“...Guess that’s it,” he finally muttered, pushing himself until he was leaning back against the slop. “No way am I goin’ anywhere like this.” He’d done his best. All these years, he’d worked hard to not get in anyone’s way. To try and be someone people might like. That a person might wanna keep. But he failed every single time. It just wasn’t for him, he guessed. Mika let out a long breath, and looked up at the sky. Sometimes he couldn’t see it that good, but there weren’t any clouds out tonight, and the moon was big and bright. Like this, even his lousy eyes could see the huge, black canvas full of stars overhead, more dazzling than any jewels. With a shiver, Mika smiled. This wasn’t so bad, was it? Staring up at all that endless beauty for as long as he wanted, until he fell asleep.

The last thing he noticed, before his eyes could not remain open, was the flash of a shooting star overhead. Or maybe he was only imagining it. After all, he didn’t think those were supposed to be pink.

When he woke up, far more than grateful, Mika was deeply confused. He didn’t understand what had happened to him. In the first place, he could hardly move - he’d been tucked so tightly into an unfamiliar bed, he couldn’t so much as squirm. Had… he dreamed all of that? Finding a castle, and upsetting its lord, and getting stuck out in the snow?

Except then he turned his head, and saw Shu at his bedside. It was much brighter in this room. Mika could see him clearly now - how his feathers gave way to fur just below his torso, the talons where his arms should be, the beautiful dark violet of his eyes - and was struck speechless at the sight.

“This wasn’t my fault,” Shu growled, eyes burning with what Mika had to assume was anger, “I wasn’t wrong to tell you to leave.”

“Ngah?”

Shu’s tail started lashing back and forth again, hard enough to make a ‘thunk’ sound against the wall. “I am simply making sure you understand that all of your misfortune was your own doing. The fact that you got hurt, th-that you could have died… you had better not blame me one bit! I didn’t have to go looking for you, after all, so if you have even a single complaint, I’ll toss you right back-”

Mika really didn’t understand what he was supposed to say to all that. Everything Shu was going on about was so obvious, it didn’t seem like it needed a comment. But that last part… that managed to surprise Mika into blurting out, “Ya found me out there…? Really?” He swallowed, feeling a strange lump in his throat. “A-after how bad I messed up, ya still… went lookin’?”

Shu blinked at him, then narrowed his eyes and straightened up. “Mademoiselle insisted on it. She was quite concerned when she realized you’d run off without the supplies I left for you.” His tail whipped back and forth anxiously, the sound as quick and consistent as Mika’s own heartbeat. “And I… I also was quite put off, realizing my hard work had been wasted. It was exceedingly thoughtless of you.”

He seemed to have more to say, but stopped speaking abruptly when the first sob broke out of Mika’s throat. Whatever kind of expression his inhuman face was making, Mika couldn’t see it. Tears blurred his vision, and this time he couldn’t wipe his eyes at all, with his hands stuck under the blankets. “Th-thank you,” he said, unable to do a thing to stop himself, “Thank you s-so much…”

It wasn’t enough. Just those words weren’t anywhere near enough. Mika’s heart felt like it might burst in his chest from gratitude and relief. Crying the way he was didn’t help - if anything, the longer he let himself, the more was unearthed. He hadn’t felt this overwhelmed by any kind of feeling since he was a little kid, and he didn’t know what to do with it.

Then, Shu clicked his tongue and said, “There’s no need for such dramatics.” He surprised Mika with a handkerchief, using a couple of knuckles to dab it against Mika’s cheeks and clean them, while keeping his talons carefully curled away. It was gentle enough to take Mika’s breath for a moment. “And it’s Mademoiselle you should be giving your thanks to. Not me. It was her kindness alone that pushed me to look for her.”

“Made- is that yer doll’s name?” Shu hesitated, then nodded just once. Mika smiled, and promised, “Mm. I’ll thank her too. But… ya coulda ignored her. Or ya coulda left me there, ‘stead of bringin’ me all the way back. Then ya wouldn’t… have anythin’ ta be scared of, right?” Shu didn’t say anything to that. His tail was starting to whip back and forth again, though. Mika’s smile grew softer, and he managed to wrench one arm free of the blankets to take hold of Shu’s talon and give it a small squeeze. “I can at least thank ya fer not doin’ that, can’t I?”

Shu said nothing for a few long moments, and then promptly dropped the handkerchief on the bed and withdrew his claws completely. “I wasn’t doing it for your sake. Corpses are disgusting, whether I disposed of you properly or left you out to decay. You’re less unpleasant to deal with alive, that’s all.”

Mika couldn’t help it. He laughed at that, bright and easy. “Thanks fer thinkin’ so,” he said sincerely, before wiping the rest of his tears off his face himself. A few new ones shimmered at the corners, but he could hold them back.

“...Don’t try to get out of bed. Mademoiselle will come by later with something to drink.” He paused, though, and didn’t quite turn to leave. “I doubt you’ll be walking any time soon regardless, but I suppose it’s best you understand this now. That was the last time you’ll leave this castle. For the foreseeable future, you will remain here.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“None of this changes the fact that I do not trust you. I don’t have the slightest idea what you’re thinking. For all I know, you intend to return to your village and bring up a mob here to come after the monster, or steal my treasures, or God knows what.” Shu sniffed. “If it’s a choice between sending you off to stir up trouble, or keep an eye on you myself, I have decided I prefer the latter.”

Mika opened his mouth to assure Shu that of course he wouldn’t cause any trouble, but the words vanished as the meaning of what he’d been told sunk in. “Er… wait a minute. I can stay here? With you?” He swallowed, hands tightening into anxious, pleading fists. “Forever?” That couldn't be right. There had to be something he was misunderstanding here.

But rather than correct his faulty assumptions, Shu merely snapped with obvious exasperation, “Do you have absolutely no intention of proving your trustworthiness to me?”

“Ehehe, I mean, ‘course I want ya t’ trust me, but...” Sheepishly, Mika had to admit, “Ya ain’t givin’ me much reason to.”

Those pretty violet eyes narrowed at him with deeper skepticism. “Hmph. Joke around while you can. You’ll grow weary of confinement soon enough.” Shu sniffed, and this time did actually leave without another word. Mika knew better than to try and argue. But he also knew that Shu was wrong. He really was greedy to his core, after all. Every time he got anything nice, he only ever wanted more of it.

Chapter Text

As relieved as Mika was to be safe and back in the castle, once Shu had left, a restlessness soon started to creep back up over him. It felt like he was doing something wrong, lying around like this. His leg didn’t seem to hurt as much anymore - or rather, the pain was sort of fuzzy and distant. And the room was so quiet. He couldn’t hear any kind of sounds from outside. Mika didn’t like noisy places, but this... it felt as if the room was totally cut off from the rest of the world.

Of course, it didn’t matter how he felt. Shu had told him not to get up. He reminded himself of that as firmly as possible. After having broken one of his rules already, Mika needed to be extra careful not to do anything else wrong. A second chance was more than he could’ve asked for - he couldn’t expect to get a third.

Easier said than done. Even if he wanted to sleep and make the time pass quicker, he couldn’t relax enough for that. It was only when there was a small knock on the bedroom door that Mika felt his nerves settle back down. “Um - c’mon in,” he called over, pushing himself back up as much as possible, which seemed the polite thing to do. As if in response to the request, the door swung open on its own, revealing a serving cart carrying a teapot, teacup, and that pretty doll. Mademoiselle , he reminded himself.

“Hello, dear,” she said, as the cart rolled into the room with no one pushing it, “How are you feeling?”

“Pretty good, I think,” Mika said, glancing down at his legs, still covered by the blanket. “Nothin’ really hurts all that much right now.”

Putting a hand to her chest, she breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, good. Shu’s quite studied, but he’s hardly a real doctor. We were both very anxious about how best to treat you.” The cart stopped right at his bedside, and the little doll hopped over to get a closer look at him. “Your color looks much better, too. When Shu first carried you back in, you were so pale, I thought you might have turned to ice yourself.”

The image of Shu carrying him fluttered briefly through Mika’s head, and turned his cheeks red in an instant. “Ehehe,” he laughed, trying not to let it linger too long, “I sure am lucky he found me out there. I thought I was a goner for sure.”

Her smile tightened, giving her a pained look, and she put a small hand on his own. It was cool and hard, he noticed. She really was a doll brought to life. Knowing that made it easier to relax around her. “I really am terribly sorry for how Shu acted earlier. If you’d rather not see him more than necessary, I promise, I will do my utmost to look after you.”

“Wha…? No, no way!” Mika shook his head frantically, “I mean, it was my fault fer goin’ somewhere I wasn’t supposed ta. Anyone would be scared ‘bout a stranger pokin’ around where they don’t belong. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

Mademoiselle blinked, clearly taken aback. “Are you sure? I do mean it, if you aren’t comfortable-”

But Mika felt no hesitation at all. “I’m sure. I really do wanna see him.” It was only then that he paused, and thought a bit more carefully, before adding, “Um. As long as he doesn’t mind, that is.” Obviously, he couldn’t make any demands, nor could he ask Shu for anything special. All he could do was leave his own door open, so Shu could walk in whenever he felt like.

The little doll looked at him carefully for another long moment. Though she smiled again, it still had that tight, pulled look to it. “Thank you for being so understanding, dear. You’re a very kind child.” She sighed again. “Hopefully Shu will come to recognize that before we’ve inconvenienced you too much.”

Mika grunted in acknowledgement, although he couldn’t bring himself to agree. He didn’t want to make Shu mad again, but… they both kept making it sound like the goal was for him to leave. “Um, so, since I’ll be here a while,” he said, trying to focus on the positives instead, “I guess I oughta introduce myself, right? I’m Mika Kagehira. Nice t’ meet you, miss.”

“Oh - of course! Where are my manners?” The doll stood straight and offered him a very graceful curtsey. “I am called Mademoiselle. Welcome to our home, Mika. If there’s anything I can do to make you more comfortable here, do let me know. For now,” she said, turning on her heel and hopping back over onto the serving cart, “Please have some tea. You still need a lot of rest, and this should help you sleep soundly.”

The pot was small, and was no trouble for her to pour. Mika didn’t know much about tea, but it sure smelled nice as it filled the cup. “Thank ya kindly, miss,” he said, picking it up himself so she wouldn’t have to struggle with passing it. Considering it was supposed to have medicine in it, it was a lot sweeter than he expected, and it went down easy. By the time he had emptied the cup, his body was almost fully relaxed again, and he found himself slumping back against the pillows of his bed without meaning to.

Mademoiselle walked up towards the head of the bed, and put a small hand on his forehead. “Rest well, alright, Mika? When you’re up, I’ll see if I can’t talk Shu into joining us for some supper.”

A burst of excitement lit up in his chest, even as he inched further down, his eyes drooping more and more. For the first time in as long as he could remember, Mika found himself looking forward to waking up.

Unfortunately, despite Mademoiselle’s best efforts, Shu did not join in with their next meal. Or the one after that. Or the one after that. “He’s quite shy, I’m afraid,” Mademoiselle said apologetically, after a second day had passed without Mika getting to see Shu at all, “But I’ll keep asking him for you. It’s very rude to ignore one’s guest like this.”

Although it was a little disappointing, it wasn’t exactly unexpected. Shu had been very clear about not trusting him yet. And Mika understood wanting to avoid other people as much as possible. If anything, it further proved how hard it must’ve been for Shu to bring him back here in the first place. When he thought of it like that, Mika could wait. Would wait. After all, it was his job to prove that there wasn’t anything for Shu to be afraid of.

In the meantime, he ate as much of the soup and bread that she brought as he could manage, and kept his tone bright and chipper as he answered Mademoiselle’s questions about how he was feeling. His leg had started to ache again, but it was more of a throbbing kind of feeling. Easy to ignore. Not something he should bother anyone with. And talking to her helped distract him from it anyway. She always stayed a real long time, asking him about where he came from and any stories he had from the village.

He wished he had more exciting things to talk about with her. With his own difficulty talking to other people, all he really had to share with her were stories about the different jobs he’d held over the years. Fortunately, whether it was helping the farmers with weeding or sweeping up a shop, she was riveted by every detail he could recall. He wondered how long she and Shu had been up here, all shut away from anyone else. But he couldn’t bring himself to ask - he didn’t want to pry, not when he still wasn’t trusted.

Then, on the third day, the bedroom door opened all on its own, and Shu walked in.

“Why aren’t you eating?”, he snapped, before Mika could open his mouth to greet him.

His joy at finally seeing Shu again was quickly tempered with confusion. Tilting his head, Mika could only say, “Er… but I am, though?”

“Not nearly enough! All you do is pick at what Mademoiselle brings you. Are you trying to spite me, turning your nose up at my cooking?”

Wait, so Shu was the one actually making everything? Mika had kind of assumed Mademoiselle was handling that. Flushing at the realization, Mika quickly tried to assure him, “N-no! Yer food’s real good, promise. It’s not about th’ taste or anything like that.”

Shu continued to glare at him, and didn’t stop even as he gradually settled down onto his haunches. He only sounded a little less terse when he asked, “Then are you feeling ill? The bandages I made for you should be expediting your healing, but if there are any side effects, you must tell me immediately.”

“Uh-uh, it’s not that. I just, um…” Somehow, having to admit this to someone who lived in such a big, fancy castle was kind of embarrassing. But not answering a direct question was definitely not an option. Twisting his hands into the blanket across his lap, Mika stammered out, “I kinda, er… don’t usually get t’ eat that much at once. So I get full easy. That’s all.”

“...Is that so?” Shu sounded oddly muted. His gaze didn’t soften at all as it drew up and down Mika’s figure, like he could see every chip and crack inside him. “You mean to tell me that the amount you’ve been eating is normal for you?”

Forcing a laugh, Mika assured him, “Ehehe, no way. If anythin’, I been eatin’ a lot more since I got here.” 

That only made Shu’s eyes narrow in on him further. “I thought you had a multitude of professions. Hard work normally requires ample fuel.”

“Ah - well…” So Mademoiselle told him about all of that? Or at least some of it? Did that mean Shu was interested in learning more about him too? A warm feeling tickled inside his chest. Suddenly, it was hard to meet Shu’s eyes and Mika found himself babbling, “Y’know, different jobs pay different. An’ it wasn’t like I ever did anythin’ that important, an’ sometimes things got awful tight ‘round the village... I was lucky t’ get fed at all.” Ugh. His face had to be burning. Why did every word out of his mouth have to make him sound more pathetic? Lowering his head so Shu hopefully couldn’t see how red it was, Mika petered off into an awkward mutter, “Um. All I’m tryin’ ta say is… I’m really not tryin’ ta waste anythin’ ya made fer me. Promise. Next time, I’ll eat every bite!”

Shu’s tail flicked a few times, before he said, “That is hardly necessary. I can adjust the portions on my own, and making yourself sick will only increase the amount of effort being wasted on you.” Mika winced. Right. He had to be careful. Being trusted wouldn’t do him any good if he was too big a burden. “Rather, you should have informed Mademoiselle of this from the start. If I had known, I could have acted more efficiently sooner. Going forward, do not hide anything else important from me.”

Taking a breath to steady himself, Mika muttered a small “Okay,” sheepishly. After twisting the blanket in his hands back and forth a few times, he decided to ask, “Then, um… are ya gonna join Miss Maddie and me next mealtime?”

“Absolutely not,” said with zero hesitation whatsoever, “The ordeal of eating is repulsive - I’ve no interest in watching you stuff your face, or have anyone watch me either.” He shuddered, all his feathers ruffling up in a wave. Mika tried not to feel too despondent. At least he knew not to get his hopes up now. “And really, ‘Miss Maddie’? Who exactly is that?”

That, at least, was a question he could answer without too much trouble. “Well, I keep gettin’ tongue-tied over her full name… an’ she said it’s a cute nickname, y’know!”

Shu sniffed, and said pointedly, “ Mademoiselle is far too indulgent with you. Don’t get carried away just because she’s willing to spoil you.” Mika nodded, very seriously. It was true. If he started taking how nice everyone here was for granted, he’d lose it in an instant. Shu gave him another skeptical look, but this time, seemed appeased by what he saw. Relaxing his posture slightly, he continued, “Now… there’s one other thing I wanted to speak to you about.”

“Yeah?” 

“Is there anyone you would like to send a letter to? Merely to explain that you are unharmed. Naturally, I won’t let you go sharing anything about me or Mademoiselle.”

His warnings went in one ear and out the other. Mika was still hung up on his first question. Whatever he might have thought Shu wished to talk about, that would’ve never crossed his mind. “A letter? Really? Could ya actu’lly send one from all the way out here? How would ya pull that off?”

“I have my ways,” Shu said, in a mysterious kind of way that Mika thought was super cool, “Not that it should make a difference to you how it happens.” Then he sniffed, and emphasized, “And don’t misunderstand. I am offering this purely for practicality’s sake. I do not want any of your relatives popping up on my doorstep because they’ve been scouring the mountain looking for you. The last thing I need is more trouble.”

What else could Mika do, other than laugh? “Ehehe… don’t worry, that ain’t gonna happen. Any family I might have ain’t anywhere near here. An’ I can’t think of a single person who’d bother. ‘Specially not this time a’ year, with all th’ snow.” He tried to glance out one of the windows in his room, but from the bed Mika could only catch a sliver of the outside. Still, that was enough to confirm that it was white and gray in every direction he could see. With a smile, confident in his own assessment, he turned back to reassure, "Ya really don’t gotta worry, Shu-”

Right away, his host bristled, all his fur and feathers standing on end. “And pray tell,” Shu snarled, taking a half-step back, “Who gave you permission to call me by name?”

“Ah - sorry,” Mika backpedaled, as quickly as possible, “What I meant was, um… yer lordship?” Shu did live in a castle, after all. That was probably safe.

But rather than accept it, Shu’s violet eyes remained fixed on his face. Looking for something Mika couldn’t quite grasp. More mutedly, he finally said, “...No. I’m no ‘lord’, in any sense of the term.”

Still wasn’t offering any other alternatives himself, though. Mika furrowed his brow, trying to think of something else appropriate. “Okay, well…how ‘bout ‘Master’, then?”

For some reason, that made Shu rear back even more sharply than when he’d heard his name used. His tail whipped back and forth as he sputtered, “That’s - don’t be ridiculous! Of course not!” Coughing lightly, he tried to regain some composure before continuing, “After all, you are not my servant, or employee, or anything of the sort. This situation is not a matter of ownership . Are we clear?”

Although Shu was obviously right, Mika’s heart sank a little. Ownership, after all, would mean that he was supposed to be here. That he had a real place, not a temporary one. Having it treated like it was totally out of the question… it stung, no way around it. He nodded anyway, and admitted, “Yeah. I know…” Still, that only left him at more of a loss. When his empty head failed to come up with anything else, he decided to go ahead and ask, “So, what should I call ya, if none a’ that’s any good?”

With the question turned around on him, Shu seemed a little surprised. He didn’t answer right away, his gaze drifting away from Mika towards one of the windows, while his tail curled around his hind leg. After several very quiet moments, he said, “I suppose… I was something of a teacher, for a while. That’s not dissimilar to all this troublesome caretaking you require.”

That was all it took to dispel the gloom that had started to seep in. Mika brightened into a smile, the question of how Shu could’ve been a teacher in the first place eclipsed by his own excitement at the idea. “Okay! Then ‘Teach’ is fine?” 

Shu winced slightly, but gave a slight nod and didn’t argue any further. Of course Shu would be smart enough to come up with something way better than any of his lousy ideas. After all, he’d never had a real teacher before. If he couldn’t call Shu by his name, a title he’d never given anyone else was definitely just as good.

After that, it only took another whole day before Shu came back to see him. Way less time than before! That was proof he was doing everything right, wasn’t it? Bit by bit, Shu would get more comfortable with him, and chat with him more, and...

Well. And then he’d probably tell Mika to leave.

But, Mika told himself, that was a problem for the future. Right now, he couldn’t waste his chance to spend time with Shu. To talk to him, and get to know him better, and have all his attention.

“I’ve made several adjustments to your diet going forward. Mademoiselle, of course, will inform me if there’s any obvious problems, so don’t try to hide anything from her,” Shu lectured, waiting for Mika to nod obediently before continuing. “As long as you understand... now then, let’s take a look at your leg.”

“Yessir,” Mika agreed, in a sing-song tone, before pulling the blankets away and pivoting so both of his legs hung over the side of the bed. It took some effort, but it was worth it when Shu actually took his broken one in his talons. Since it was all wrapped up in that heavy bandage, Mika couldn’t quite feel it as well as he wanted to. But the sight - the difference in size, the proximity of those sharp talons to his own skin, and how gingerly Shu held him - was a weird kind of thrilling. 

After a few long seconds of scrutiny and very careful squeezing at different points, Shu finally said, “Well, it doesn’t appear to have gotten any worse. That’s something. I will at least praise you for obeying my direction on the importance of bed rest.” The little compliment went straight to Mika’s heart, fluttering around in it like a butterfly. “How’s the pain? I tried to balance an anaesthetic effect with the accelerated mending, but the two did not make for an easy blend.”

“It’s fine! Hardly hurts one bit,” Mika said, then tried staring at his own leg to see what Shu could, “Can ya really tell all that just from pokin’ a little bit? That’s amazin’!”

“Hardly. I’m little better than a beginner in this specific area. If there isn’t more improvement soon, I’ll have to try and make something more potent.” Shu breathed out, the feathers on his head flattening down. “I loathe that I have to rely on a sort of magic I’m so unaccustomed to…”

Mike paused, then decided to go ahead and try asking, “So… if yer not used t’ ‘this sort’ of magic, does that mean ya know others?”

Shu shot him an impatient look, and gestured vaguely at the room around him with one of his wings. “Is that not obvious? Even you must have noticed this castle isn’t ordinary.”

“‘Course I did… but it seems like everythin’ has got some kinda spell on it ‘round here. Did ya really do all that yerself?”

“As a matter of fact, I did.” With a proud-looking sniff, Shu granted, “I suppose I should be pleased that you at least recognize what an undertaking it was.”

“No kidding! Ya gotta be some kinda genius t’ pull that off!” Mika’s eyes sparkled brighter still, and he pushed himself more towards the edge of the bed. “Does that mean all critters like you are that good at magic?”

Any pleasure Shu was taking in the subject retreated back under a layer of offense. “I am not a ‘critter’. What a rude thing to say!”

He wasn’t? Mika had sort of been thinking that Shu was some sort of mythical creature, like a unicorn or a dragon. Or maybe… he should’ve known that comparing something that special to a regular animal was insulting. “Oh - sorry. I didn’t mean it in a bad way or nothin’. It’s just, y’know… I ain’t ever seen anyone or anythin’ like you.” That was something that didn’t change, no matter how many times Mika got to look at him. That sense of awe, that he was in the presence of a being unlike any other on earth. He didn’t know how to put it into words, other than, “Yer just so pretty.”

Shu stilled, eyes wide. Then he turned his head up to glare at him. “Do you think such blatantly insincere flattery will win me over? You ought to at least try and make it convincing.”

“Ngah? Whaddya talkin’ about? I mean, look at ya! I never seen any kinda bird with feathers like yers.” Mika leaned in a little closer, marvelling at all the tiny differences in colors that he couldn’t have noticed from further away. He wanted so badly to reach over and touch them, but that definitely seemed like something Shu wouldn’t like. “They look super soft, and th’ white and pink is so pretty… like when th’ sun’s startin’ ta peek up on some fresh snow.”

A choking noise escaped Shu. “You’re being absurd,” he snapped, releasing their leg with a bit of force. Mika couldn’t help but wince - more from how sharply Shu moved away than from any actual pain - as it fell back down against the side of the bed. “No matter how many compliments you try to blind me with, it won’t convince me to let you go any sooner.”

At that, Mika couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. “Really? Great! Then I can say as many as I want, right?”

Before he knew it, he’d been shoved onto his back, a weight pressing down on his chest. All the air left him in one big swoop. Shu was looming over him again - almost identical to how he’d looked back in that mess of a room, winds all open and spread out, violet eyes fixed and burning. Just looking up at him made Mika breathless all over again.

“Do you understand your position here at all?”, Shu hissed, “You have told me yourself that no one is looking for you. Your life is entirely in my hands.”

Mika blinked up at him. “Yeah? I know that… why’re ya bringin’ that up all of a sudden?”

“Because clearly, you don’t. You’re always smiling like an idiot, as if this is some sort of game, and you can’t possibly be harmed in any way-” There was an odd rasp to Shu’s voice, almost a crack. With some alarm, Mika realized he could feel Shu shaking slightly though the talon holding him down. “Do you think you’re the first person to make the mistake of crossing paths with me?” The portrait came to mind, beautiful and pristine. Mika’s mouth dried at the memory, but he didn’t think it was from fear. “You’re blinding yourself to the danger, and ridiculing me in the process.”

“W-wait a sec!”, Mika finally managed to protest, “Ya really go it all wrong! I’m not makin’ fun of ya, not one bit. It’s only, um…” Though he scrambled for a better way to explain himself, all he could come up with was, “I seriously don’t know what I oughta think is dangerous?”

“ I am, obviously.” His claws dug slightly deeper into Mika’s chest, to further make his point. But despite that… it didn’t actually hurt. Shu was still being careful. No matter how angry he got, he never really tried to hurt Mika at all.

“I guess ya could be, maybe,” Mika said, a little hesitant. Arguing outright would probably upset Shu more, taken as further proof that he wasn’t really looking at what was in front of him. “But ya haven’t done anythin’ bad t’ me at all. Ain’t it way meaner if I kept treatin’ ya like you were scary, when all ya’ve done is take care of me?”

Shu’s anger bristled out in every inch of his body, clear well before he growled, “That’s a lie! I chased you out! You could have died because of-” Another short, clipped end to an unfinished thought. Another slightly awkward attempt at continuing, “Because you failed to grasp your own circumstances. No matter what happens, you persist in acting like it doesn’t matter.”

“Well, sure? ‘Cause that wasn’t wrong of ya.” That brought Shu to a halt, clearly unsure how to respond. Mika stared straight up at him, and pointed out the obvious, “I mean, you were mad ‘cause I broke yer rule, right? Yellin’ over somethin’ like that’s normal - like ya said, it’s my own fault. Not proof yer bad.”

Mika was used to ‘consideration’. Nice-sounding words and kind smiles that made it impossible to know what anyone around him really thought, right up to the moment when he made one mistake too many and they passed him along to the next person. He understood why. That they were just being nice to the kid with nowhere else to go. And he was grateful to them, of course. Exactly the way he was supposed to be.

But what a relief it was, to always know exactly how Shu felt. To see every shift in mood, to hear every complaint he had plain. And to know for a fact that in spite of all the ways he managed to anger and irritate Shu, he remained as committed as ever to taking care of him. 

It wasn’t like he had no worries at all, being here like this. He knew he was an unwanted guest, one that was only being tolerated, same as he was everywhere else. But even given all of that... the constant smiling uncertainty he was used to was much, much scarier than anything about Shu’s temper.

“‘Sides, whether everythin’ yer sayin’ is right or not,” he continued, a bright smile already warming his face before he knew it, “Ya already saved my life twice now. ‘S only fair ya get t’ decide what t’ do with it, ain’t it?”

For what felt like a very long time, Shu only stared at him in response. He wasn’t completely still - his wings gradually folded back in, and from this angle Mika could barely catch the tip of his tail flicking this way and that. But he didn’t let go. Nor did he pull his eyes away. Mika wished he knew what he was looking for. If he had any idea at all, he’d do whatever he could to give it to him.

Then, finally, Shu drew his talon away, and stepped down off of the bed. “...Still speaking utter nonsense. I suppose I should’ve known to expect it by now.”

“Ehehe… sorry?” Mika sat up, almost trying to chase that point of contact between them as it retreated. Was it weird that, whatever the reason, he only wanted Shu to be closer? “But I really mean all of it. Do ya believe that, at least?”

Shu’s tail flicked again. Then he dropped his eyes and turned towards the bedroom door. He did not look back. Only said, somewhat gruffly, “I believe that there’s no point trying to argue with a fool.”

As Shu left, a laugh bubbled out of Mika all the same. That was okay. If that’s what Shu thought of him, it only meant he was seeing Mika exactly for what he was.

All things considered, Mika thought he’d done a really good job at doing what Shu told him. For days and days, outside of brief trips to the adjacent bathroom with Mademoiselle’s help, he’d patiently stayed in bed exactly the way Shu instructed.

But each day, it got a little harder. The silence got a little heavier. The restlessness under his skin pricked a little worse. And finally, he started taking the risk of getting up to take little limping walks around his room, for the sake of doing something rather than nothing.

And somehow, each time, Shu seemed to catch him in the act.

“Is your head completely empty?”, he asked, exasperated, after the fourth attempt Mika had made, “Exactly how many times do I have to tell you? You need bed rest more than anything!”

“Shu! That is no way to talk, no matter how worried you are,” Mademoiselle scolded. Ever since he last lost his temper, she had been joining Shu on all of his trips into Mika’s room. Neither of them said anything about why, so it was hard for Mika to find a way to reassure her, but he kind of got the feeling she was trying to keep a closer eye on things.

He tried anyway, as Shu pulled the bedcovers back over him, “It’s okay, Miss Maddie, really! I mean, I know he’s right… it’s just, I never spent so much time doin’ nothin’. I keep thinkin’ I’m gonna go stir crazy if I keep layin’ around so much…”

“That’s no reason to yell at you, though,” she said, giving Shu one last stern look, before turning back to Mika, “Especially since it’s perfectly understandable to be bored. We really should have considered your feelings a bit better. Don’t you agree, Shu?”

Shu avoided her eyes, and instead of answering her directly, muttered, “I suppose it would be alright to have some books up here to read. You were interested in the library, weren’t you?”

“Ya saw that?” Shu nodded, while Mika tried to imagine how he could’ve missed Shu’s presence downstairs. He really was pretty darn big. Had he been that distracted, trying to find something he could understand on the shelves? Rubbing the back of his head, he had to admit, “W-well… it’d be nice if I could, but everythin’ ya got here seems pretty beyond me. I only really know how to read a little bit.”

“Is that so…?” There was a surprised note in Shu’s voice. Somehow, that made Mika way more embarrassed than he ever got over the insults Shu usually threw out. Like he’d disappointed him or something. Shu, though, only turned to Mademoiselle and said, “Perhaps you could read to him, when you have some free time?”

Her impatient look softened at the suggestion, and she clapped her hands together in clear delight. “Oh, that’s a very nice idea! Would you like that, Mika?”

Mika’s mouth dropped open. “Eh? I can’t ask ya t’ do that! Don’t ya got all kindsa work ‘round here, every day? I ain’t helpin’ out at all, so givin’ ya more stuff to do ain’t right…”

“You are already giving us both more work by impeding your own recovery,” Shu said, tapping a claw against the stone floor. Mika winced, but didn’t take back any of his own words. He couldn’t be any more of a burden than he already was. No matter how nice it sounded to have a story read to him for once.

Mademoiselle hummed and tapped a finger to her chin. “If that’s what you’re worried about, perhaps Shu could read to you instead?” She turned up towards her companion, looking just a little bit mischievous. “You don’t have much to do these days, do you? Or better yet, perhaps all three of us could relax and enjoy a nice book together. It wouldn’t be work at all then.”

“B-but… that’s still takin’ up yer time-”

“So is charging up here to push you back into bed,” Shu said, narrowing his eyes at him. Mika ducked his head, hoping it didn’t show that he was not feeling quite as guilty over that as he probably should. “If it would keep you still for a few hours, then I suppose it isn’t a terrible idea.” He paused, glanced down at his own claws again, then said more quietly, “One of you will need to hold the book, though.”

Mika imagined Shu looking over his shoulder - those soft-looking feathers brushing against him, that deep voice right next to his ear - and felt his face go red again. “Ehehe… okay, I could do that part,” he said, nodding bashfully. “If yer really sure ya don’t mind.”

“Whether I mind or not, it seems an adequate enough solution.” That seemed like the final word on the matter to Mika, but Shu surprised him by following it with another question, “...What other sort of things would you do for fun? If boredom is what’s troubling you, then a variety of activities would be best to alleviate it.”

“Ngah… guess that’s kinda th’ problem. I didn’t really have a whole lot a’ time fer stuff like that, so I don’t really know…” If Mika ever found himself with something to spare, he gave it away to whoever seemed to need it most. That applied to everything - food, clothes, and time as well. To keep something for himself was undeniably selfish, when he only survived off the good will of others.

“Still,” Shu insisted anyway, “You must have had something you enjoy doing. Even the dullest mind has to entertain itself somehow.”

He wasn’t wrong. There was something. But although it wasn’t exactly a secret, Mika had never talked about it to anyone before. It felt a little hard to blurt out all of a sudden. 

…No, that wasn’t the right way to think about it. It was exactly because he’d never told anyone else before, that he should take the opportunity to share with Shu and Mademoiselle. That would make it more special. A small smile worked it’s way to his face, when he nodded and said, “I guess… I guess I always liked stargazin’ a whole lot. My eyes are pretty bad, so I couldn’t always see ‘em that good, but… when it was clear ‘nough out, I’d stay up an’ look at the sky fer hours.”

Shu blinked at him, tilting his head slightly. “That’s rather unexpected. I would have thought you’d prefer rowdier activities.”

With a laugh, Mika said, “Nnah, I didn’t have th’ energy fer nothin’ like that, after workin’ all day.” He tapped the tips of his fingers together, his smile softening further with the memory. “An’ alone like that, it felt like th’ whole sky was existed just fer me. No one could get mad at me fer lookin’, or take it away, or anythin’ like that.”

If he had a window, he’d use that, and if he didn’t, he’d sneak outside instead. It didn’t matter which. Not as long as he could see the countless bright, twinkling jewels overhead. Of course, he knew it probably sounded silly. But those quiet, peaceful nights where he was able to spend hours with the stars… they had felt so much less lonely than the ones where he was stuck laying around in the dark.

“That’s a very lovely hobby, Mika, dear.” Mika glanced down towards Mademoiselle, and felt a bit relieved to see she was smiling fondly up at him. If she thought he was being silly, it’d probably hurt. Then she turned to Shu and started to say, “Perhaps there’s some-”

“If that’s the only thing you come up with, then I’ll be on my way. I can’t turn day into night for you,” Shu said, cutting her off far too abruptly. But Mademoiselle only watched him go with an affectionate chuckle. Mika didn’t quite get why, and the chance to ask was lost as she turned the conversation towards other subjects, and then eventually left herself as well.

Much later, a serving cart showed up at his door carrying about a half dozen books, but no one else had accompanied it. Mika thanked it anyway, and moved the whole stack over on the side table next to the bed. He flipped through them one by one anyway, trying to pick as much as he could up from the densely packed pages, and found he was no more capable of parsing them than he had been previously. 

For a moment, he wondered if Shu would come up to see him if he got up again. He didn’t know how Shu could tell, but he was always quick to respond to that. And once he was here, then he could ask-

“Ngh… stop that,” Mika scolded himself, pulling at his own hair with two fists. “Botherin’ him is just gonna make it worse.” He didn’t want to make Shu do anything, after all. If he was really too busy right now, then it was a good thing that he was focusing on his own work rather than wasting more time on Mika. 

If anything, he should be thinking about how to get better as quickly as possible instead. Once he wasn’t stuck in bed anymore, then it wouldn’t matter if Shu was too busy to come up and check on him. Mika could walk around himself, and follow him wherever he went, and help with whatever he needed doing. Prove to Shu and Mademoiselle that he could be a good worker. One worth keeping around.

…Assuming he was actually capable of that, of course. Mika was stupid, after all. Clumsy. Careless. Always getting in the way more than really helping anyone. And Shu was really smart, so he could probably tell all of that from looking at him.

Mika sighed, laying back against the pillows, his hands dropping his hair down to his eyes. He pressed the heels of his hands into them, until he saw stars behind his lids. He couldn’t think like that, all hopeless and anxious. It didn’t do any good. If he kept acting like the same scared little kid he’d been when he met and lost his first miracle, then he’d wind up losing the second all the same.

Maybe he fell asleep a little like that, because it seemed like no time at all had passed before the door suddenly banged open and nearly gave him a heart attack. “Ngah? Teach?” Sure enough, Shu was striding right towards one of the windows. His gait was a little crooked, Mika noticed, as he tried to balance some kinda long, brass tube against his shoulder and foreleg. “Um. Is somethin’ wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Shu said, without glancing in his direction, “I only happened across something I thought you might get some decent use out of.” Mademoiselle followed after him, tossing a bright greeting Mika’s way and assuring him that dinner was running a little late today, before she got to work helping him set up whatever the heck they brought with them.

Mika waited as patiently as he could for some kind of explanation, but none was offered, and they seemed very absorbed in the process. When Mademoiselle finally stepped away from the metal device, he leaned forward to ask her, “So, uh, what is it?”

“It’s a little gift for you, Mika,” Mademoiselle said, turning back towards him and smiling with clear excitement. As she pushed a chair over to his bedside, she added in a faux-whisper, “You ought to take it as an apology as well. I’m afraid my little Shu’s far too stubborn to say anything like that outright.” She chuckled, then patted the leg of the chair. “Come, sit down, and you can see for yourself.”

As carefully as he could, he pushed himself over onto the cushioned seat - and it stirred underneath him, walking somewhat jerkily over to the window. Mika tried not to bite his tongue at the abrupt movements. No matter how many times he used this thing, he couldn’t seem to get used to it.

“Hm. Could use a bit more tuning, it seems,” Shu muttered, shooting a brief glance to the chair, before turning towards the device he’d brought up. Being up close didn’t make it any clearer to Mika what it was - it looked a little like a metal rolling pin set onto an easel, but its purpose was lost on him. Rather than explain, Shu merely tapped the end closest to Mika very gently with his talon. “Here. Look into the eyepiece.”

Once the chair settled down, Mika did as he was told, scooting a little closer so he could look in at the right angle. It took a few seconds to realize what exactly he was seeing. At first he thought it was snowflakes - but they weren’t moving at all. And they really looked like they were glowing, and there were so, so many… “Wha…?”, he couldn’t help but gape, as it finally clicked, “Are those all th’ stars?” He’d never seen them as big and bright as this! Even under the best of conditions, he realized now he had only been able to make out a fragment of those glittering jewels. “How’d ya make ‘em look like that? The heck is this thing?”

“A telescope. My grandfather picked it up somewhere along his travels.” Mika pulled away from the dazzling sight to stare in shock at Shu. He had a grandfather? Learning any kind of new detail about Shu was almost as exciting as getting to see the stars up close. “It’s a tool that allows one to view the night sky in far greater detail than anyone could with their own two eyes.”

“And it’s… fer me?”

Mademoiselle had been the one to call it a gift, so Mika expected Shu to clarify that he was merely letting him borrow it for a bit. Instead, he nodded, and seemed rather pleased with himself when he answered, “Correct. Stay up and gaze at them as long as you like, so you’ll be too weary to do anything other than rest properly throughout the day.”

Mika looked up through the window at the night sky again. How distant those points of light all looked. Then he lowered his eye back to the glass eyepiece, and felt his heart skip again at the sight of them shining so bright, as if they were right in front of him. And Shu gave that to him . Even though he hadn’t done anything at all for him except cause trouble. “Ehehe…“ Although he tried his best to smile and laugh, tears started to prick at the corners of his eyes. He didn’t know what to do with this feeling. It was too big for his heart - surely it would burst if he wasn’t careful. “Okay. I will. Thank ya kindly.” 

There was a slight pause, long enough for Mika to notice, but too brief for him to question. “You can adjust the angle to see different parts of the sky,” Shu said, “It’s very simple to use, as long as you aren’t rough with it. Play around as long as you like.”

He started to step back, then. It wasn’t unusual, Mika knew, for him to leave as soon as his business was done. But this time, Mika couldn’t stop himself from blurting, “Ngah? W-wait a sec. Do ya really gotta go?”

Despite the dim light, he could see Shu’s tail start to flick back and forth. So he was annoyed? Impatient? The clipped tone when he spoke didn’t shed much light on which it was, “You said you enjoy doing this on your own, didn’t you? What could possibly be gained from my lingering?”

“Th-that’s…” Mika squirmed in his chair, glancing down a moment. “I said that ‘cause… I never had anyone t’ do it with me before. Maybe I’d like stargazin’ more with other people, an’ I don’t know.”

“Mademoiselle is still here. Are you saying she doesn’t count?”

“Wha- ‘course not! I’m always real glad t’ spend time with ya, Miss Maddie, don’t get me wrong,” Mika said, turning to shoot her an anxious look, before she could feel unappreciated. 

Fortunately, she was still smiling easily enough, sitting on the edge of his bed and watching them. “Thank you very much, Mika. Don’t worry, Shu’s only being shy.” Shu sputtered a denial, but Mika was reassured anyway. If she said it, it must be right.

“Is that all? Ya don’t gotta be. I really, really like it when yer here an’ I get t’ talk to ya too. I know it’ll be more fun if we’re all together.”

“I quite agree,” Mademoiselle said, glancing over at Shu as she kicked her feet back and forth. “There’s no sense in rushing off like that, Shu. Dinner will be at least another hour anyway, so you may as well stay and chat a bit.” Shu grumbled something under his breath, and he didn’t sit back down, but he didn’t take another step towards the door either. Confident in her victory, Mademoiselle turned to Mika and asked, “Mika, if you like stars so much, do you have a favorite constellation?”

“Ah - er… I mean, I’ve heard about a bunch of ‘em, but t’ be honest, I don’t really know what any look like. Or how t’ find ‘em. Sorry…”

“...Well, there’s a few visible this time of year,” Shu said, surprising Mika by settling back down next to him. He eyed the sky for a few moments, and then made a slight adjustment to the telescope’s angle. “Here, we ought to start with the north star. It’s not a constellation itself, but it’s the most reliable mark in the sky, and serves as a valuable guide for travelers. Considering your tendency to get lost, you would do well to remember it going forward.”

“Eh?” Mika gaped up at Shu, “ Yer gonna tell me ‘bout ‘em?”

“If you’re going to call me ‘Teach’ regardless, I may as well act accordingly. Clearly, you badly need a few things worth knowing in that empty head of yours.” His tail flicked again. “You said you enjoy talking to me, yes? I’ll expect you to pay proper attention to what I say.”

“It’s rude to criticize someone when you’re doing them a favor, Shu,” Mademoiselle scolded. Mika barely heard it. All he could do was marvel at receiving yet another gift, offered to him like it was nothing. 

Ahh, no good, no good. Mika really was gonna start crying if he wasn’t careful. Partly to hide that, partly pure impulse, he pressed his face against Shu’s shoulder. The feathers, he found, were exactly as soft and fluffy as they looked. “Thank ya so much,” Mika said, “I promise, I ain’t ever gonna forget anythin’ ya say, as long as I live.”

“Exaggerating again,” Shu muttered, before shrugging them off. Mika didn’t mind. It wasn’t nearly as harsh a reaction as he might’ve expected - if anything, it felt careful to him. “Prove it by paying attention instead of blathering on yourself.” Mika grunted in agreement and beamed up towards Shu, eager to show the full force of his appreciation. Shu glanced down at him, and to Mika’s surprise, pulled his bangs to the side with one very precise claw. “Mademoiselle, do we have any scissors left?”

“Ngah?”

“Oh, I’m sure I’ve got at least one pair tucked away,” she said, sounding a bit wary. “Why do you ask?”

As Shu withdrew his talon and let Mika’s hair fall back into his face, he said, “You need a haircut. I can’t do much myself with these useless appendages, but Mademoiselle will do an excellent job under my direction.”

“Hah?” Mika tilted his head, completely lost. “A haircut? Where’s that comin’ from?”

“If you’re going to be here for a while, you may as well be worth looking at. You’re wasting a perfectly good face like this, Kagehira.”

His name. Shu actually said his name. 

Mika couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t sure his heart was still beating. How dazzling Shu looked, he thought. Lit only by the moon and stars, his white feathers seemed to glow bright enough to blind anyone. Mika kept staring anyway. It was worth the risk, he figured. There were a lot of things Mika didn’t know. But he did understand what a rare, precious thing it was, to find a light in the dark.

“Okay,” he finally said, his voice sounding a little distant too, “If that’s what ya want, then it’s definitely a good idea.” In that moment, Mika couldn’t imagine ever saying ‘no’ to Shu about anything.

And in the back of his mind, he remembered the beautiful portrait hidden away in that messy room. The way Shu had guarded it. He may not know who that boy was, or why he wasn’t here anymore, but this was another thing Mika understood. If it meant being treasured like that, he’d be perfectly happy to exist as a decoration.

Chapter Text

In the following weeks, Mika could say with certainty that he was the happiest he’d ever been. A day didn’t pass without Shu coming up to spend time with him, at least once. Occasionally he joined Mademoiselle when she visited, but he started to stop by on his own again too. That was a weight off Mika’s chest - it meant Mademoiselle understood there wasn’t any reason to worry about letting them be alone.

And thanks to those frequent visits, there was no time to get bored anymore. Whether Shu stopped by to read to him, or to ask about his condition, or to stargaze after dark together, it didn’t matter. Mika found his heart pick up every time he came in, the excitement making the whole world around him feel more vivid, making each second into something precious.

Every now and then, he tried to compare it to the way he’d felt when that boy found him in the mountains. It was similar, he thought. Once that boy was with him, mending his broken parts and lighting a way through the dark, none of that seemed so bad. The shadows didn’t seem as bleak, the trees surrounding them felt safe rather than looming, and the chill from the wind couldn’t overpower the warmth of holding a hand in his own. Everything that had been so hard and miserable felt a little softer. A little kinder.

Yes, it was definitely similar. A beautiful, gently glowing feeling, one he’d never forget as long as he lived.

But, Mika was starting to think, it wasn’t exactly the same. Shu wasn’t as soft or insubstantial as that flickering candlelight. Lately, he’d even been okay with Mika touching him more. When they read together, Mika could lean against him and let the vibrations of his voice sink in. Or during examinations, Shu would let Mika wrap his arms around his neck for support when testing out how well he could stand and walk. Or when they watched the stars together, Shu’s wing would curl slightly around him and adjust how he was sitting, to direct him towards something Shu wanted him to see.

Maybe the biggest difference, though, was the way he caught Shu looking at him too sometimes. Not with concern or nervousness, the way the boy back then had. Shu’s gaze was more focused than that. And then he’d suddenly tell Mika to turn his head a particular way, or style his hair slightly different, always leaving both of his mismatched eyes visible. Shu’s expression never really changed, but Mika thought he could see satisfaction - or maybe admiration - in those violet eyes whenever he did exactly what Shu said.

It was kind of embarrassing. Being stared at always made him anxious, knowing his flaws were right there on his face for everyone to see. But seeing that pleased little glimmer… made him so, so happy. If Shu saw some value in how he looked, then it was worth being born distorted.

It was decadent, the size and strength of happiness he felt. Surely this wasn’t something just anyone could make him feel. Shu was special. Smart and shy and prickly at times, yes, but that only made the effort he kept making for Mika feel more meaningful.

And then the day finally came when Shu told him that he’d mended enough to no longer need bandages. “From now on, you may take short trips outside the room, provided Mademoiselle or I are with you,” Shu instructed, while he removed the most recent set of wrappings, a single claw very carefully tearing them loose. “I still don’t want you wandering around on your own.”

“Thank ya kindly,” Mika said, the words coming out smaller than he meant them to. This… was okay, right? If Shu still didn’t trust him to go anywhere by himself, then he wouldn’t trust him to leave yet either. He was still safe. Besides, it’d be real nice to get out of this room and follow Shu around more, no question about that. 

With his leg healed, though… that was one less barrier in place for him to go back to the village someday. If he didn’t figure out some way to prove he could be useful, it was nothing more than a matter of time…

His gloomy thoughts weren’t dispelled, but they were interrupted by Shu pushing a pair of boots towards him. With some surprise, he recognized them as his own. “Now, go ahead and get dressed. We’ll start by making sure you can handle getting up and down the stairs - Mademoiselle is preparing breakfast, so consider that your incentive.”

“Okie-dokie,” Mika said, though he glanced down at the borrowed shirt he was still wearing, then back to his own boots in front of him. He had to ask, “So, um… yer really okay with me wearin’ those old things? Ain’t they kinda worn out fer a fancy place like this?”

“I don’t think any of the pairs I have on hand would fit you better than your own, and ill-fitting shoes will make it more likely you’ll fall and hurt yourself again. Besides…” Shu cocked his head, eyeing the pair on the floor, “They’re not nearly as bad as the rest of your ensemble. I’m rather surprised, actually, that you have at least one item of decent quality.”

“Ya think? Really?” Puffing up, Mika admitted, “T’ be honest, I made this pair back when I was helpin’ out th’ cobbler in town.”

Shu started, feathers rustling in a wave of shock. “You did? You weren’t merely given them for your work?”

“He helped me, sure, but he made sure I did most a’ the work myself.” As he pulled one boot on, Mika couldn’t help but grin at it. Knowing Shu thought they came out good made them look better to him, too. “He said a decent pair a’ shoes can be more useful than darn near anythin’, so it was really important I learn how t’ take care of my own. He was nice.”

“In that case, why didn’t you stay on with him? Did you not enjoy the work?”

For a moment, Mika’s smile tightened. Then he shrugged and pulled the second boot on too. “Nnah, it’s just… I was helpin’ while his son was out travelin’. Once he got back, there wasn’t enough fer me t’ do, so I hadta find something else.”

“...That’s a shame,” Shu said, leaning down slightly to examine the pair of boots more carefully. “The design is a bit plain, but they’re not poorly constructed. I thought you were bad with your hands, considering the state of that cloak, but perhaps it was a matter of the medium being wrong.”

“Ya interested in shoes?” He received no answer - Shu only pulled away with an oddly hesitant look on his face. Like a cat with a string, Mika jumped at the possibility, “Maybe I could make ya a pair! Y’know, t’ show how grateful I am fer everythin’.” Sure, the shape would probably be tough to get right, but he’d seen people making little socks and stuff for their pets before, and the paws on Shu’s hind legs were kind of cat-like. He could figure it out! And if he managed to make something Shu liked, then Shu would definitely wanna keep him!

But Shu simply snorted, eyes narrowing in clear skepticism. “Don’t be daft. For one, you’ve no decent materials. There are no shops, and I cannot imagine you being a successful hunter.” 

Geh - how could he tell? Scratching his cheek, Mika tried to suggest, “W-well, maybe I could reuse some stuff layin’ around here instead?”

“Absolutely not. The last thing I want is for you to go tearing apart my few belongings so you may play around with the pieces.” Shu’s tail lashed once, hard enough that his irritation was made perfectly clear. “Besides, if perhaps by some miracle you managed to make a pair that fit, they would still look ridiculous on me.” His tail hit the ground again with a ‘thud’, before curling tightly around his legs instead. “I am well aware of my own limitations. Denying the obvious would merely make my joke of an existence worse.”

“Huh…? ‘Joke’?” Mika blinked, utterly bewildered. “Whaddya mean?”

Shu didn’t answer that question either. When he turned away, he said instead, “I’m not going to waste all day with this fruitless chatter. If you’re ready, then let’s hurry up and join Mademoiselle downstairs.”

That ended that - even Mika knew to leave the dropped subject behind. He did as he was told instead, and was rewarded by being allowed to keep a hand on Shu’s back to help with his balance. It took every ounce of restraint not to play with the interesting transitional place along his spine where feathers gave way to fur. This wasn’t the first time Shu had made it clear that he didn’t think much of his own appearance, and it still didn’t make the slightest bit of sense to Mika. Every tiny bit of him was mesmerizing.

Right after breakfast, long after Shu had made himself scarce again, Mademoiselle insisted on showing Mika all the places in the castle that he hadn’t gotten to see before. He felt a brief surge of alarm at the idea, already picturing Shu’s potential anger. But she assured him that the only reason he’d been forbidden from exploring more when he first arrived had been to keep him from meeting either of them. With that already done, there was no point in restricting where he could and couldn’t go, provided he had supervision.

That was a relief, although Mika quickly realized that he’d probably prefer not to wander around on his own much anyway. The castle was so big, and a lot of the hallways and rooms were really similar, he’d definitely wind up getting lost on his own. There were a few rooms that stood out - like the one on the second floor with stained glass windows, and the garden in the easternmost tower that had somehow been enchanted to keep growing through winter - but those were a rarity. Apparently, Shu and Mademoiselle didn’t venture very far beyond the areas they used daily either. “I make a few rounds of the entire property now and then, to make sure nothing has fallen into disrepair,” she explained, leading him through yet another reading room, “But it really is made for far more people than us.”

“...Did there used t’ be more?”, Mika asked, that painting of Nito resurfacing in his thoughts. It never strayed too far. After all, it was proof that Shu did long for some kind of companionship beyond Mademoiselle. Though when he thought of that golden, angelic beauty, he couldn’t help tugging at his own black hair with frustration. At least Shu didn’t seem to dislike the color, but considering Mademoiselle was blonde too, it was hard to believe he didn’t have a preference.

“Oh, yes. A very long time ago, before the two of us came to live here.” For a few seconds, it seemed as if she might elaborate, but she said nothing more. That wasn’t much of a surprise. Although Mademoiselle was very friendly, she didn’t talk that much about herself or Shu. 

Sometimes, Mika wondered if they were actually allowed to live here, or if they were hiding out in secret. That might explain why Shu was so anxious about anyone finding them. Regular animals had to worry about hunters, so Mika could imagine how eager some people might be to try and catch an obviously magical one like Shu.

“You should be taking a closer look at the materials,” Shu said from the open doorway, startling Mika with his sudden presence. He managed to move so quietly - considering his size, Mika found it pretty impressive. “Each room has different types of books, so you may find something more to your liking in this collection.”

Mika looked around at the walls of unfamiliar titles, and rubbed the back of his neck uneasily. “Nnah, that’s okay! It don’t matter what ya read t’ me, I like hearin’ anything outta you.”

With a snort, Shu asked, “Are you saying you don’t pay proper attention when I’m spending my valuable time on you? That everything sounds exactly the same, no matter what I pick?”

“Shu, really, you must learn how not to take offense at every little thing,” Mademoiselle scolded, putting her hands on her hips. “I’m sure Mika’s trying to be considerate of you.”

Grateful for her intervention, Mika nodded right away. “Yeah, that’s right! I mean, yer takin’ all this time t’ help me out, so I’d rather ya pick books ya like readin’ than worry ‘bout me.”

That seemed to mollify Shu a little. He walked into the room more fully, glancing at the shelves of books. “So you truly have no interest in improving your own literacy? Since you are at least self-aware of how you’ve been burdening us, I would have thought you’d be more motivated to improve. And it would be a more productive use of my time to teach you properly as well.”

“Ah… I guess…” Mika rubbed his arm, his smile feeling tight all of a sudden. It wasn’t anything he didn’t know already, but… hearing from Shu that he was really nothing but dead weight felt so much worse than thinking it to himself.

“You ‘guess’?”, Shu prodded, eyes narrowing, “Exactly what about my very generous offer is bothering you this time?”

…No, no! He was thinking about this all wrong! Shu was giving him a chance to learn and be more useful - that was a good thing! Not anything to be upset about! As his host drew nearer, he straightened up and put on a nice, bright smile. “If it really won’t be any trouble for ya, then ‘course I wanna learn,” he finally continued, “I’m just gonna miss listenin’ to ya, that’s all. Yer voice is real pretty, I bet ya could make anythin’ sound interesting.”

As always, it was difficult to tell exactly how Shu was feeling. But Mika thought there was something pleased about how he lifted his chin in response. “I didn’t say I’d stop right away. Naturally, it falls to me to instruct you through this. Do try to think rationally for once, rather than making yourself morose for no reason.”

“Or perhaps you could make more of an effort to be clear about what you mean, Shu,” Mademoiselle said, with a sigh. “You don’t need to phrase everything in the most abrasive manner possible.”

“Aww, it’s okay, Miss Maddie. I wasn’t upset or nothin’.” He shot her a reassuring smile. “I know Teach is lookin’ out fer me, no matter how prickly he sounds.”

“If you’re sure, Mika…” Mademoiselle hesitated, then apparently chose to let the subject drop too. “In that case, you really ought to answer his question. It’s far more fun to learn when it’s something you’re interested in.”

Well, if Mademoiselle was going to insist too… it took a minute to come up with an answer, though. “I guess… I like fairy tales? I’ve heard people tell a few out loud before, so they were nice an’ easy t’ follow. And, um…” To be honest, he really couldn’t remember many specifics from what Shu had been bringing up to his room. There was some truth to Shu’s accusation - it was never intentional, but he got so lulled by Shu’s voice, the details kind of washed over him. Digging for any kind of memory, he suddenly latched on to one, and said, “Oh, I liked that history book ya brought up too! I never heard ‘bout most a’ the places in it, it was real interestin’!”

Shu blinked at him, seeming surprised. “Is that so? Are you interested in travel?”

Shrugging one shoulder evasively, Mika said, “I dunno? Never really thought about it much.” As he spoke, his thoughts went straight to that fancy carriage that never stopped by the village. Where had it gone, carrying that beautiful boy? He’d wondered so many times… but no matter how badly he wanted to chase after it, it was useless. He didn’t know even what direction to point himself. “Not like there was any way fer me t’ get anywhere.”

“What a ridiculous thing to say,” Shu said, rolling his eyes, “You can walk perfectly fine - you made your way up here, didn’t you?”

“Not on purpose -”

“That doesn’t matter. Anything that can be done by accident can be done deliberately. You’re making up restrictions for yourself that don’t truly exist, and failing to appreciate your own freedom.”

“...Ngah. Maybe. If yer sayin’ it, it’s prob’ly right…” He wasn’t a child anymore. There was a road out of his village that he could follow, and travelers that sometimes passed through who he could’ve asked to join. It was true that he didn’t have to stay where he was. “But,” he couldn’t help but say anyway, unwilling to leave it at that agreement, “I don’t… I don’t wanna go just anywhere.”

“All the more reason to do some studying on the subject,” Shu said simply, already turning back to the hall, “I’m certain there’s some journals and travelogues in the west wing. I’ll see what I can find-”

“Th-that ain’t what I meant!” The words came out more forceful than he intended. Shu actually looked startled at the outburst. Mika clutched his hands together over his heart, took a breath, and tried again to explain, “I wanna stay here .”

The tips of his fingers felt cold, and he was sure he must be shaking. But he couldn’t let them keep misunderstanding. No matter how scary it was to admit, he had to make sure they knew what he wanted.

Shu didn’t say anything to that at first. His tail flicked back and forth, too quick to be mere thoughtful, but lacking the sharp agitation it normally displayed. Mika wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but at least it didn’t seem like he’d upset him too badly. Mademoiselle started to speak up first, her tone soft, but impossible to read, “Oh… Mika, dear-”

“I thought better of you than that,” Shu interrupted, oddly muted as well, as if her voice had shaken him out of some stupor. “Is it truly comfortable enough to be waited on hand and foot that you’d be willing to trade your freedom for it?”

His heart tightened around a jolt of fear. Shaking his head fervently, he insisted, “No! It’s not ‘cause a’ that… ya really don’t gotta do any a’ this fer me.!”

Shu narrowed his eyes, plainly unconvinced. “How exactly do you expect me to believe that? If that’s not what you’re after, I can’t fathom what is so appealing about this place.”

You , Mika didn’t say. Admitting that wouldn’t help. It’d only reveal how selfish he actually was. That all he was doing was thinking of himself, what he wanted. That wasn’t right. And it definitely wouldn’t convince Shu to let him stay.

Instead, he laughed, and said, “Yer thinkin’ about this all wrong, Teach. Ya saved me life, so I can’t go runnin’ off on ya ‘til I paid ya back fer everythin’. If anythin’, the more yer helpin’ me, th’ more I owe ya.” That was a much better answer. Safer.

“Mika! You don’t need to worry about any of that,” Mademoiselle assured him, putting a small hand on his leg. “You aren’t indebted to us, not one bit!” 

Although she plainly meant to be reassuring, the corners of Mika’s smile started to feel stiff again. It got worse when Shu sniffed and affirmed, “That’s right. After all, what could you actually do to repay me? There isn’t a single thing I need from you.”

Geh. Mika basically knew that already, but he couldn’t help but wince at hearing it put so bluntly. “I’m not worried … like I said, I wanna! An’ even you’ve got stuff that Miss Maddie can’t help ya with, right? She’s so little an’ all…” Admittedly, he struggled to think of any examples right away. But then a lamplight flickered on in his mind, and he turned to her to say, “Like the door that’s all busted up! That’s way too big for ya t’ clean up, right? Or it wouldn’t still be like that.”

Mademoiselle looked up at him, thoughtfulness taking the place of her alarm. Her hand fell away from him, and she nodded a bit slowly. “I suppose that is true…”

“Don’t encourage him,” Shu snapped, before glaring at Mika again, “What exactly are you proposing?”

“I can go ahead an’ get rid a’ the broken one, and then make ya a brand new one. I worked fer a carpenter fer a lil’ bit, I could definitely put one together, long as ya don’t mind waitin’ a while-”

“Unnecessary,” Shu retorted, “Once you’re gone, there will be no need for a door at all.”

Mika flinched again, his shoulders tightening up at the blatant dismissal. “I… I guess, but…”

“Besides, it sounds to me like another excuse to snoop around my private quarters.”

“Eh? Wha…” The gears in Mika’s head turned steadily. This whole time, he’d been assuming it was an unused room, but from what Shu was saying- “Don’t tell me yer sleepin’ in there?”

With a defiant toss of his head, Shu asked, “So what if I am?”

“That’s dangerous! There was all kindsa broken glass an’ stuff in there - what if ya got hurt on something? Or if Miss Maddie got all scratched up on that stuff ya got layin’ around?” 

That seemed to startle Shu, and he glanced first towards his companion, before turning away uneasily. “That… nothing of the sort has happened yet-”

“Mika has a point, though. Isn’t such a risk all the more reason we ought to go through it thoroughly?” Mademoiselle smiled up at Mika, and gave him an almost conspiratory wink. “I’ve really wanted to do something about that room for quite a while. If we both work on it, I’m sure we’ll get it cleaned up in no time.”

“Ehehe, yeah, definitely!” Mika held himself up nice and straight, bumping his chest with a fist, and promised, “You don’t have ta do a thing, Teach! An’ you can watch the whole time t’ make sure I don’t mess up. That’d be okay, right?”

Shu’s tail coiled and uncoiled by his paws, and then he said very stiffly, “As long as I am present the entire time you’re in there. And you do not touch a single thing I don’t allow you to.”

Mika beamed. “I won’t! I promise, I’ll do whatever ya say!” There was no way he was gonna mess up this chance to show how helpful he could be.

Although Mika couldn’t quite help a tinge of anxiety, when actually faced with the bedroom disaster once again, it was mitigated by the way Shu entered before him. His tail brushed at Mika’s knee, almost curling around it to tug him forward. “Well, go on and get started,” Shu said, stepping around each obstacle with well-practiced ease, before climbing up onto the bed and turning to face him.

“Okay! First, let’s get some light in here,” Mika said, slinking around the worst of the mess to pull the nearest curtains open. It wouldn’t be easy to see what he was doing without them. Shu squinted at the sudden rays of sunshine that fell into the room, but didn’t actually protest. “Then I guess th’ most important thing is gettin’ all the broken stuff outta here.” He paused. “Ya got anythin’ I could put stuff in?”

“You said you wanted to do this yourself,” Shu retorted, laying down on the bed with his forelegs crossed, “Find something on your own.”

“Shu, don’t be rude,” Mademoiselle interrupted from the doorway, “I’m sure I can find a box somewhere around here, Mika. In fact, I think there’s one in the pantry. Wait a moment, and I’ll be right back with it!”

“Thank ya kindly, Miss Maddie,” he called after her, as she turned and headed back down the hall. Great, that would take care of the plates and glass. Until then… maybe he could pick up all the torn fabric laying around. He had to be careful, shaking each piece out to make sure there wasn’t anything sharp hidden in the folds. After collecting an armful, he turned to Shu and asked, “Do ya want any a’ this? Or can I keep it?”

Shu blinked at him. “You? What on earth would you want a bunch of tattered rags for?”

“It’s handy ta have scraps like this around! I ain’t great at sewin’ or nothin’, but I been patchin’ my own stuff up fer ages. A couple times, kids in th’ village would ask me t’ fix their toys an’ stuff too.”

Shu’s tail flicked, just once. “If you’ve really been sewing for that long, it doesn’t show in your work at all. The stitches in your cloak were horribly sloppy.”

“Ehehe, I know… but it’s not like I need anythin’ fancy. Long as th’ holes were patched up, I could use it fine. That’s all that really matters.”

“That’s no attitude to have. How you adorn yourself reflects a great deal about your personage. Your standards, self-disciple, sense of aesthetics… if you can’t be bothered to treat yourself with care, how do you expect anyone to believe that you would approach your other responsibilities any differently?”

Mika blinked at him. “Eh… it really matters that much?”

“ Obviously. ”

He sure had a lot of opinions on the subject, for someone who didn’t wear clothes at all. Or maybe… it was only a hunch, but considering how Shu had talked about his boots and watching how he eyed the fabrics, Mika had to ask, “Do ya want yer own clothes too, then?”

Sure enough, Shu fluffed up right away, eyes snapping back to Mika’s face and claws starting to grip the bedspread beneath him. “Th-that’s- I wasn’t thinking about myself! I was merely trying to get it through your empty head that you’re wasting your own-”

The blustering was so obvious, even Mika could pick up on it. “Sure, sure. An’ if shoes are out, then I’m prob’ly not good enough t’ make ya, like, a shirt or nothin’. But maybe I could do somethin’ with one of these?” He let most of the flimsier fabrics drop, and brought a ream of thick velvet that might've been a drape once upon a time over to the bed. Another curtain, maybe? “Betcha I could at least figure out how t’ make a cape. Ya’d look super cool in one, no question!” Shu seemed baffled, not so much as twitching when Mika draped the weighty fabric over his shoulders. It hung awkwardly over his wings, but the navy blue was a great contrast with all his white feathers. His eyes, too. The violet color seemed a little darker next to it. All it’d need was something to tie it off, and to measure it right-

Shu stood up on the bed, pulling away from Mika’s hands abruptly, and shook the fabric away. “I am not so desperate that I’m willing to wear garbage,” Shu snapped, leaping down onto the ground. “Unlike you, I do have some standards for my own appearance.”

“Aww, don’t call it garbage… even th’ broken stuff ya got here’s real fancy,” Mika said, picking the fabric back up while ignoring the slight sting of rejection.

“I’m saying,” Shu continued, his tail a steadily flicking metronome behind him, “Not to joke around about such things if you’re not willing to put in an appropriate amount of effort. I will not accept anything sloppily made on a mere whim.”

“Er… wait a sec. Does that mean if I make ya somethin’ real good, you’ll wear it?”

“That is a fairly significant ‘if’,” Shu reminded him. And though he knew himself that it was true, Mika couldn’t help but beam. Suddenly he couldn’t think of anything more he wanted in the whole world than to see Shu wear something he made for him. He hugged the heavy velvet tightly and giggled.

“Okay! It’s a promise.”

“Are you two getting along alright?”, Mademoiselle asked, poking her head back into the doorway, as she dragged a box behind her. It was as tall as she was - Mika felt a twinge of guilt that he’d let her bring it all the way up here herself. 

“‘Course we are,” Mika assured her, walking over to with his arms full. “An’ thanks, Miss Maddie. That looks just about right fer what’s layin’ around here!” In order to pick it up, he dropped the bundled fabric right against the wall outside. He’d bring the rest out to sort properly later - getting all the sharp stuff picked up had to come first.

“Don’t drop it like that! Honestly, at least fold it before you go wandering off…” Shu grumbled, pushing past him to do it himself.

“I was gonna…” Mika started to protest, then trailed off as he watched how Shu actually managed. He kept holding the folds between his knuckles, exceedingly careful not to catch any on his talons. It was slow work - and much more care than he would’ve expected from someone who described it all as ‘garbage’. Smiling to himself, Mika picked up the box instead and started sweeping the broken plate pieces into it.

It was a very large room, and every time Mika thought that were making decent progress, another layer of mess was uncovered. By the time the first day was over, it hardly looked any different than when they started. Walking through it remained hazardous - a few times, Mika tripped on something, and Shu had to catch him with a wing or leg so he didn’t fall. Once, he had to grab the back of Mika’s vest in his beak to haul him up straight. And for all he’d stubbornly insisted that the room hardly mattered and they were meddling unnecessarily… Mika kept catching him helping out anyway. Sorting between broken and unbroken objects, or picking something up that Mademoiselle was struggling with, or straightening out some of the unearthed furniture. Any time he caught Mika looking, he’d get all flustered and fluffed up and pretend he wasn’t doing anything, so Mika quickly figured out that he should pretend too. But it was hard. Shu was so cute, how could he not want to watch?

Besides, Mika still didn’t really get why he’d let the room get so bad in the first place. Considering how high his standards were for everything else, it seemed more natural for him to be super picky about keeping things neat. But that untouched portrait remained almost constantly in Mika’s periphery, and somehow its gaze made asking feel like a bad idea.

By the third day, though, there was less and less to tidy up. The floor was clear and easy to walk through. Anything too badly damaged had been sorted away to be disposed of, while Mika had taken everything he hoped to fix or use up to his own room. The bed had new sheets and blankets, they’d washed the windows, and dusted as much as possible - it finally looked liveable again.

As Mademoiselle went to take the dust clothes away for cleaning, the only problem remaining continued to stare straight at Mika. He felt the portrait’s eyes on him very keenly, whether he was facing it or not. Finally, he swallowed down his own nervousness, and turned to Shu with a smile to ask, “So, that painting… do ya want me t’ try an’ hang it up for ya?”

“Absolutely not. With how clumsy you are, you might drop it.” While there had been other work to do, Shu hadn’t seemed too absorbed by the painting. But in this quiet moment, with the two of them alone, his eyes went slowly to that beautiful boy as if drawn in by him. He took a breath, the exhale shuddering through to the tips of his wings.  “Just leave it where it is.”

“Okay…” Mika was well-aware that this was a thorny topic, at best. But he couldn’t stop himself from asking anyway, “So, um. That’s ‘Nito’, right?”

“...Yes.”

“Did he… used ta live here with ya?” There was so much stuff for humans laying around this castle, it made more sense for it to have been built with them in mind. If this castle maybe belonged to that Nito guy, that’d explain the painting too.

Shu took another breath in, and then said, “He did.”

“...Can I ask what happened t’ him?”

With a withering look, Shu snapped, “Is it not obvious that I don’t want to talk about this?”

“W-well… I guess, yeah.” Mika fidgeted, scratching lightly at his own fingers with his thumbnail. Don’t push your luck , he reminded himself. “Sorry.”

Neither of them said anything else after that. Mika tried to keep himself busy by fussing with the bedsheets to make them hang more evenly. At least until Shu spoke up again, unprompted, “There’s little to share, regardless. One day he finally realized he was wasting his life on a hopeless, worthless pursuit, and freed himself from that burden.” He glanced back at Mika, unblinking. “I’d say that if you had any sense, you would do the same. But I rather doubt you do.”

Wait, then that meant… Nito actually left on his own? And left Shu and Mademoiselle behind here, all by themselves? Mika’s hands tightened into fists around the edge of the bedspread, and he said, “Yeah. Yer right. If abandonin’ someone like that is what ya do with ‘sense’, then I don’t need a bit of it.”

As soon as the words and all their obvious bitterness left his mouth, he snapped it shut and turned away. Too much, he scolded himself. He couldn’t be surprised at all when Shu snapped back, “Don’t you dare speak ill of him. You don’t know what he endured because of-” Again, that faltering, stumbling, so unlike how clearly Shu normally spoke. A heavy pause, and then almost whispered, “Because he tried to love a monster.”

Mika’s heart jerked uneasily at that. He looked over at Shu, but even now, he wasn’t looking at him. That soft, pained gaze of his belonged only to that portrait. What little fight had flickered up in him was snuffed out in an instant. Don’t forget, he reminded himself, you’re not wanted here. 

“Sorry… yer right, I don’t know anythin’. So I won’t say nothin’ else ‘bout him.” He should leave it there, he knew. Agree with everything. Let things settle back down before risking another mistake. Yet the words wouldn’t stay inside him anyway. Almost forceful, he insisted, “But I do know ya ain’t a monster, Teach. Not one bit.”

Perhaps as expected, all he got in return for that was a rough laugh, hard and sharp as broken glass. “Just leave me alone,” Shu said, turning more fully away from him, “Such honeyed words make me sick.”

“...Okay,” Mika said, a little quietly. As he slunk out of the room, he tried to tell himself that at least Shu wasn’t yelling or throwing things. He couldn’t be that mad, right? But he was perfectly aware that wasn’t true. This kind of cold dismissal could mean much, much worse.

Left to his own devices for the first time in what felt like ages, Mika couldn’t muster up the motivation to go any further than the foyer. He plopped himself down on the top of the stairs, holding his knees and staring vacantly down towards the entryway. How long until he finally got told it was time for him to leave? It had to be coming soon. Whatever goodwill he’d earned had surely been wasted by his stupid big mouth.

What else could he have done, though? Stand there and let Shu say awful things about himself, without saying a word in protest? He couldn’t imagine ever doing that… 

There had to be a right thing to say. Something smarter, and more comforting, full of those fancy words that Shu liked. That, he felt sure, would’ve worked and made Shu feel better. It was only him and his own stupidity that was the problem.

Gloom and panic both burrowed deeper into his thoughts, a strange combination that managed to numb and sting at the same time. Jerkily, Mika dropped a hand down next to him, rubbing a thumb on the edge of the step. This was a pretty long flight of stairs. And going down them was still kinda tough on his leg. If… if he happened to trip and fall down, he might get hurt again. And if he got hurt again, then… Shu and Mademoiselle would have to keep taking care of him. He already knew they were both way too nice to make him leave while he was injured… it might be his best chance to stay…

“Oh dear… are you alright, Mika? Don’t tell me Shu’s gone and done something thoughtless again.”

At the familiar voice, Mika blinked out of his thoughts, away from the vivid picture that came together in his own head. Smiling, he turned to Mademoiselle and said, “Nnah, it’s no big deal, Miss Maddie. Just thinkin’ it might be nice t’ see what th’ outside looks like.”

She didn’t look entirely convinced, but after a moment she nodded anyway. “That’s right, you didn’t get a very good look at the grounds, did you?” Mademoiselle hummed, then tugged lightly on his sleeve. “Would you mind carrying me down, so we may both take a look? The stairs are rather cumbersome for me, I’m afraid.”

“Eh? Is that okay? I thought I wasn’t supposed t’ leave,” Mika said, glancing guiltily towards the door. 

“It’s quite alright, I trust that you won’t drop me and run. Besides, some fresh air will do us both some good after all that dusting.” There was no arguing with her sweet smile. Mika laughed and picked her up carefully.

“Okay! ‘M glad I can help ya out a lil’ bit, then.” Having her in his arms, he felt steadier. Right, he definitely couldn’t let himself forget. What he wanted was to be good and useful enough that they’d agree he was worth keeping. Taking advantage of their kindness, staying a burden forever... that wasn’t something he could do. Not ever.

As they approached the doors, they opened easily. Mika was unsurprised to see that snow still covered the grounds. All his own footprints were long-buried under it - it was a perfectly pristine blanket, completely hiding any trace that someone had been in or out. Beyond that, the area around the castle was spacious, and very lightly decorated. There were several trees growing near the wall, and some statues lined up to the gates in a way that suggested a path between them. All their shapes were made vague by the piling snow. Mika wondered if he could find a broom inside and clear them off later. That might be another thing only he could do.

“There’s not much to see in the winter, I’m afraid,” Mademoiselle said, “It’s far prettier in spring, when the flowers are blooming.”

Do you think I’ll get to see them? , Mika couldn’t make himself ask. Hearing from Shu that he was useless and meant to go might hurt, but he was basically used to it. Hearing the same from Mademoiselle… that would be a lot harder to recover from. Instead, he very carefully headed down the few snow-covered steps into the yard. “It’s still pretty, though! Look how sparkly everythin’ is.”

Mademoiselle chuckled, leaning back against him more comfortably. “Fufu, that’s true. And the air feels so crisp and clear this time of year. Though I suppose the cold is probably more uncomfortable for you.”

“Ngah, I don’t mind it much. It feels nice out right now.” About halfway down the line of statues, Mika turned back around to finally get a decent look at where he’d been staying. Mika had no frame of reference for how big a castle was supposed to be, but this one sure seemed huge to him. “Wah… this musta taken forever t’ build.”

“Indeed. It’s a very old castle, apparently, and the original design was far smaller. Both the east and west wing were later additions,” she explained, pointing over to the towers on each side for reference. “You can tell if you take a very close look at the stones. They haven’t aged quite the same.”

Mika grunted in awe that she could pick up on the difference. “Hunh… they all kinda look th’ same t’ me, though?” He paused, then frantically added, “Um, but I’m not arguin’ with ya! I’m sure yer right! It’s just, my eyes really ain’t that good-”

“That’s alright, Mika. It’s a very subtle difference. Perhaps you’ll learn to pick up on it in time.” She paused, then shifted enough so she could look up at him. “You seem rather anxious, though. Did something happen with Shu after all?”

Mika flinched, wanting to deny it, but not sure how to lie convincingly. “It’s not… a big deal or nothin’. He didn’t do anythin’ wrong. But I’m not all that smart, y’know? I keep sayin’ th’ wrong thing, an’ make him mad without meanin’ to…” Mika shivered in the cold, holding Mademoiselle closer on reflex. “I wish… I knew more ‘bout him. So I wouldn’t mess up with stuff like this as much.”

“I see… thank you for telling me, Mika. Would you mind lifting me up higher?” Mika raised an eyebrow at her, not quite grasping why. But he did as she asked anyway, holding her so they were at eye-level. “Now bow your head a tad, please.” Again, he listened obediently, and was rewarded with a small hand patting his hair. “It’s very sweet of you to care so much about my troublesome little Shu.”

His mouth hung open uselessly for a moment, as he felt his own face turn pink at the unexpected gesture. “Ngah? U-um… it really ain’t that big a deal-”

“Hush, now. Perhaps you don’t think so, but it is to me.” He glanced up at her smile, and thought it looked a little bit sad. “You would have been well within your rights to be much less patient with him, given the circumstances. I really do appreciate all you’ve been doing.” Against his will, Mika thought of Nito again. Despite what he’d said to Shu, the bitter nail dug in deeper, looking at her half-fond, half-resigned expression. “Don’t worry, I’ll speak to him and make sure he isn’t placing any blame where it doesn’t belong.”

“...Ya don’t gotta thank me, Miss Maddie. I really meant what I said before, y’know? I like bein’ here, with both of ya.” He paused, but couldn’t stop himself from hugging her, just for a while. “I don’t think I could pay either of ya back fer all ya’ve done, not if it took my whole life.”

“I meant it too. You don’t need to repay either of us.” She put her arms as much around his neck as she could, hugging him back gently. “Please don’t push yourself too much.”

“Mm. I won’t. Thanks, Miss Maddie.”

They lingered out there a few minutes more, and then Mademoiselle suggested they go back inside so he could warm up with some tea. Mika laughed and agreed that it was a good idea. Talking to her had helped him feel better. It was a big relief, to know that she didn’t think he was messing up too badly. 

A residual uneasiness remained, though, the longer he went without seeing Shu again. Mademoiselle had promised to talk to him, and Mika knew she’d do a better job smoothing things over than he could. There probably wasn’t anything else he could do right now. But knowing that managed to make him more restless, more anxious to try and figure out some way to make up for talking out of turn.

He tried to distract himself, first with another few attempts at reading, then by practicing his sewing. It worked okay as a way to pass the time, but as the sky outside his window got darker and darker, he found it impossible to fully concentrate. Instead, he was reduced to rolling back and forth in bed, trying and failing to sleep. Nothing had truly taken his mind off his screw up - even the stars didn’t make him feel any better.

Pushing himself up, he muttered to himself, “I better go apologize again.” Normally, he didn’t try to see Shu first. It wasn’t any good to be pushy. But there was no way he could get any sleep like this, knowing that Shu’s bad feelings might be festering all night. Considering how shy and moody he got, he might mope for ages and make himself feel worse if Mika didn’t say anything.

His mind made up, Mika limped carefully over to the door - only for Shu to already be a few steps away from it when it opened.

“Eh? Teach?” Mika blinked at him. “Whaddya doin’ up?”

“That’s - isn’t that what I should be asking you?”, Shu snapped, wings fluttering and casting a hasty look aside. “What could you possibly hope to achieve by sneaking around on your own this late?”

“Oh, I was gonna look for ya,” Mika said, stepping through the doorway so it could close itself back up. “I still feel real bad ‘bout earlier… I was hopin’ ta apologize again.”

His tail lashed back and forth a few times, but to Mika’s surprise, his voice was quieter when he spoke. “It’s… fine. Understandable, in fact. I shouldn’t expect you to be sensitive about subjects you know nothing about.”

“So yer not mad anymore?” Shu held himself all tense and tight, but eventually shook his head. Mika let out a huge sigh of relief. “That’s good… I was worried ya might start avoidin’ me again ‘cause of this…” For some reason, Shu flinched slightly. That startled Mika enough to remind him, “Hey, wait, ya still didn’t tell me what yer doin’ all the way up here neither. If ya ain’t mad, what’s wrong?”

“It’s not that anything’s wrong . Rather, I…” Still not quite looking at Mika, Shu sighed and turned back towards the foyer. “Follow me for a bit, and I’ll explain.”

Mika didn’t really know what he expected, but it sure wasn’t for Shu to lead him downstairs into the ballroom. It was even more amazing at night, Mika thought. All those big windows showing nothing but black skies and white snow-covered mountains. Using the telescope down here would probably be incredible. Shu, though, merely glanced around the large space a few times, then laid down near the center of the dance floor. After a moment, Mika sat next to him as well.

“Mademoiselle made the very astute point,” Shu finally said, crossing his forelegs, “That there’s no sense regretting my behavior if I don’t do anything to ameliorate it.”

“Ah… a-mealey-or… what’s that mean?”

“It means… I am aware that if I don’t explain myself properly, the situation earlier will inevitably repeat itself. It’s to both of our benefit that I put some effort of my own in, to avoid that.” He sounded a little impatient, which made him sound more like himself. Mika wanted to feel relieved about that… except, Shu didn’t look down, or turn towards Mika while he was talking. His eyes were fixed outside, on the world just beyond the panes of glass. His expression was as stiff as ever, but there was something about those violet eyes lit purely by moonlight that seemed very tired to Mika.

He shifted closer, putting a hand on Shu’s back. “It’s okay. I get that ya don’t want me talkin’ about that Nito guy anymore. If it hurts t’ bring him up, ya don’t gotta explain anything.”

Shu snorted. “Despite your blatantly obvious curiosity?”

“W-well… I can’t help it. I wanna know everythin’ about ya, Teach. But I don’t wanna make ya say nothin’ either.” His own eyes dropped, lingering on Shu’s feathers instead. “I know I keep makin’ things harder for ya, so I at least don’t want ya t’ be worryin’ about what ya say t’ me too…”

“...It’s fine. I only need to prepare myself.” Shu took a breath, wings rustling at his sides, before settling back in. He didn’t shrug Mika’s hand away, not even when he finally said, “Nito… was someone I ran into purely by chance. He was perfection incarnate, beautiful within and without. The mere fact that I was able to meet him can be described as nothing or or less than a miracle.”

Although he had been sort of expecting something like this, Mika’s heart tightened painfully anyway. But he stayed quiet, and let Shu keep talking. Better to understand exactly what he had to try and live up to.

Maybe he didn’t have to be so careful, though. Shu still wasn’t looking at him. The more he spoke, the more fully his own memories seemed to consume him. “I was so blinded by my own feelings that I acted… very selfishly towards him. I kept him by my side, even when it meant keeping him secluded here with me. And he… was very kind. He couldn’t leave me. For so long, he set aside his friends, his family, his dreams… all for my sake. I didn’t think for a moment about what he was sacrificing for me. I merely kept demanding more from him. Kept… hoping, one day, he might… if I simply gave him enough, tried hard enough, he could…” Shu’s voice didn’t so much crack or quiet, as much as it reduced itself, dwindling weakly into nothing. Finally he dropped his eyes, and simply said, “It was not abandonment, what he did. It was self-preservation. Do not belittle what he endured by referring to it any other way.”

“...Okay,” Mika finally said, shifting closer yet to Shu, so he was pressed almost completely against him. “I won’t say nothin’ bad about him, promise.” If a hand was okay, maybe… a tiny bit more would be okay too? He leaned in, pressing a cheek to Shu’s shoulder. “But, y’know… I’m not him.”

With no hesitation whatsoever, Shu retorted, “Obviously. You aren’t a thing like him.” It took every ounce of Mika’s self-control not to wince at that. Maybe it was a good thing Shu wasn’t looking at him. “What nonsense are you speaking now?”

“I- I mean, I don’t got any friends or family. No dreams either. There’s nothin’ fer me t’ go back to, or t’ miss.” He pressed his face into those soft feathers, trying to hide at least the worst of his need, and said, “I ain’t givin’ anything up t’ be here. I just wanna stay, that’s all.”

“It’s scarcely been a month,” Shu said, stiff and curt. “You can’t possibly know what staying isolated like this can do to a person with enough time.”

Through all the hurt, as if watered by it, a stubbornness started to bud. “I do know. I know ‘cause I been alone fer as long as I can remember.” There may have been a lot more other people around in the village, but it didn’t matter. All that did was make him feel his lack of any place among them more keenly. “A-and... that’s why, I know it’ll be okay if I’m here. ‘Cause I don’t feel lonely at all ‘round you and Mademoiselle.” Not when Shu looked at him like he usually did.

“I truly don’t understand how you can mean that…” But though Shu said that, and hadn’t budged at all, he did relax a little. One wing dropped enough that the curve of it almost encircled Mika. “I suppose time alone is capable of proving either of us right.”

“Ehehe, guess so.” Did that mean, Mika wanted to ask, that he’d be allowed to stay until he got sick of it? But he didn’t dare. It felt like the soap bubble possibility might burst if he brushed a single finger against it. Instead, he asked, “So, why’d ya wanna talk ‘bout all this here? I mean, it’s super pretty an’ all, but wouldn’t my room have been easier?”

“...Nito used to sing in here. Quite often. I thought it might be easier to speak of, in the one place he seemed least unhappy.” His tail flicked, then coiled closer. “It was a shock, to catch you in here those first few days. I had been avoiding the room up until then.”

“Oh… did I make ya mad?”

“No. Not ‘mad’, exactly…”

“...Ya just miss him a lot, right?” Shu’s tail whipped back and forth against the floor, but he didn’t try to deny it. Mika’s own heart remained knot-tight. He wished Shu would turn and look at him. For a few seconds, at least. A brief assurance that his mind wasn’t totally off somewhere without him. To try and close the sense of distance, Mika said, “I kinda get it, y’know? I’m sure it’s not nearly as bad, but… there’s someone I keep wantin’ ta see again too, even if I know it won’t ever happen.”

It worked. Shu tilted his head enough for a single violet eye to glance his way. “Your family?”

Mika barked out a laugh. “Nnah, no way. If I don’t ever see them again, I’ll be better off fer sure.” He snuggled into the crook of Shu’s wing, enjoying the weight as he would a blanket, comforted by knowing he had Shu’s attention back. “It was a boy I met a long time ago. When I was a kid, I got lost in th’ woods, and he helped me find my way out. I always hoped he might stop by th’ village some day so I could thank him for real, but it never happened…”

He trailed off as he realized that Shu was looking at him very closely all of a sudden. There was an intensity in his eyes that Mika didn’t really know how to read.

“And this boy, he is… someone you think of often?”

Feeling shy all of a sudden, Mika dropped his eyes and pushed his fingers together. “I guess, yeah. Can’t help it. He saved me, after all. Forgettin’ would be ungrateful.” This, too, was something he hadn’t ever really shared with anyone before. A couple of adults had asked where he’d been and how he’d gotten that fancy cloak when he finally returned to the village, but Mika had been too scared to tell them much. It felt like if he had, they’d take it away from him. Smiling a little, glad for the chance to share this with someone important, Mika admitted, “An’... fer a long time, I thought that might be the one real good thing that’d ever happen t’ me. If I forgot about that, then… I dunno what I woulda done.”

“...You realize that staying here would make seeing him again impossible,” Shu said, very serious, “It would mean giving up on that wish completely.”

“Ah…” That was something Mika hadn’t really thought about, though it seemed obvious once spoken out loud. He glanced down at his hands as they started to wring uneasily. He wasn’t sure what to do with that understanding now that he had it. “I guess, yeah.”

“It’s not something to ‘guess’ at, Kagehira. I’m telling you what will happen.” Mika turned slightly to look at Shu. Though he sounded grave, with the moon and stars behind him, he still seemed to glow very gently to Mika. “You might think it’s alright now, but to be trapped here, forced to give up on what you want most - it will drive you mad with longing. You can’t be split in such a way the rest of your life.”

Mika held that gaze, accepted that warning, and made up his mind. “Okay. I’ll forget about him, then.”

His poise faltered, blinking as if he hadn’t heard right. “You’ll what?”

“I won’t think about him no more, promise. I’ll empty my head out all my memories of him. I don’t got many, so it shouldn’t take that long, and then I can fill myself up with you an’ Miss Maddie.” It was true, after all, that it wasn’t fair to have his mind on someone else when he was with Shu. That’d be unforgivably selfish. And it was easy to decide who to prioritize here. He’d already never really believed he’d see that boy again - but Shu was right in front of him. Talking to him, looking at him, touching him. It was no decision at all. Mika beamed, nice and bright, and said, “Then there’s no problem if I stay at all, right?”

Shu’s expression didn’t change. He was very still, too, not so much as an annoyed twitch of his tail. Only his breathing proved he was alive yet, the steady push and pull of his torso next to Mika. 

“Saying such a thing so lightly,” he finally said, standing just as abruptly and leaving Mika to fall to his side on the floor. “How am I supposed to take anything you say seriously?” Mika grunted, preparing to assure him more, but Shu looked down at him and waited. “Come along. I’ll walk you back to your room.”

He sounded surprisingly gentle. Mika felt a twinge of hesitation, an uncertainty at the unfamiliar tone. But... maybe it was because Shu was finally starting to understand how he felt. Maybe he was touched by what Mika had offered to do, and was starting to change his mind at last. After all, Shu never bothered hiding when he was angry or upset before, so why would he start now? As his trepidation gave way to hope, Mika smiled up at him and agreed. What a relief, he thought, to have finally found the answer Shu wanted from him. 

Chapter Text

Everything was going so well. After that night in the ballroom, Shu stopped talking about Mika leaving the castle. Even after confirming that Mika appeared fully healed, there wasn’t a single word about when he should go back to the village. Instead, Shu granted him more leniency. Mika got to walk around the castle whenever he wanted, and could help Mademoiselle with her chores, and Shu still took the time to teach him more about reading or sewing.

From all appearances, he was doing everything right. As far as he could tell, all he had to do was keep watching his mouth, and not say anything that might upset Shu again. Nothing about Nito, and nothing about that boy he met. Then everything would stay the same. People he was never going to see shouldn’t matter anyway. Not compared to the ones right in front of him.

It took time for him to realize that, whether he said anything or not, other things had started changing already. For one, Shu didn’t get mad at him the way he used to. He scolded him while trying to instruct him, sure, but not nearly as harsh as before. Sometimes, Mika noticed his tail thumping up and down in a way that was obviously irritated, but Shu would stay quiet until it settled back down instead of snapping. That… was a little scary. Knowing that he’d bothered Shu somehow, but not being told what he’d done wrong.

When the steady ‘thmp-thmp-thmp’ against the floor began for the third time in one sewing lesson, Mika finally tried to ask, “Um… am I buggin’ ya? Or if I’m messin’ up bad, ya can tell me.”

“You’re doing… fine,” Shu said, the pause confirming Mika’s fears. “I’m simply exercising some long-overdue restraint. Pay it no heed.”

You don’t have to , Mika wanted to say. He wanted to know everything Shu was thinking, all the time. He didn’t like having to guess and wonder. But disagreeing would mean arguing, and that would be equally dangerous. Maybe more so. Shu might have dropped the issue of when he should leave, but he hadn’t said it was okay for him to stay forever either. Assuming he was safe was probably the quickest way to do something stupid enough to get kicked out.

The more he watched Shu, though, the more it felt like… Shu was hesitating about something. It wasn’t exclusive to the way he talked. How he looked at and touched Mika was different now too. His movements weren’t as effortless. His claws and wings would pause before making contact, or worse, draw away completely. And while he kept looking at Mika, now he’d blink and turn elsewhere when Mika tried to ask what was up. Yet he didn’t shy away from Mika’s touch, not at all. He accepted it easily enough, the few grouses he used to make a thing of the past. But, Mika had started to worry, maybe that was because he wasn’t admitting that it bothered him anymore.

Being criticized was better than being ignored. That much, Mika was sure of. Where this quiet tolerance landed on that same scale was a lot harder to gauge.

Asking Shu outright hadn’t gotten him any answers, so he turned to the only other person he could. While he was helping Mademoiselle put some books he had finished away, he mustered up the nerve to try asking her. “Hey, Miss Maddie?”, he said, trying too hard to sound casual as he took a short story collection from her hands, “Have ya noticed Teach actin’ a little funny lately?”

Mademoiselle seemed startled for a moment, then sat down on the rolling cart with a thoughtful look on her face. “Hm… I believe I know what you’re referring to. He’s been rather lost in thought recently, hasn’t he?” Then it really wasn’t all in his head. Both relieved and anxious that he had gauged Shu’s mood right, Mika nodded. Mademoiselle took a moment to fold her hands in her own lap before continuing. “I don’t think it’s anything too worrisome, though. Shu is… thinking very hard about this situation, that’s all. You did make quite a remarkable offer to him, Mika, it’s natural he’d need time to think about it.”

Mika grunted in acknowledgment. That made sense, he guessed. But knowing it really was him that Shu was brooding over left a sickening knot in his stomach. “What… what do ya think about all a’ it, Miss Maddie? Would ya like it if I stuck around?”

Her expression softened, though it wasn’t quite as happy as he would’ve liked. “I think you’re a very sweet boy, dear, and I’ve greatly enjoyed having you here. I would like it very much if you stayed as long as you wish to. But,” she continued, before he could get too excited, “I do understand Shu’s reservations as well.” Her eyes dropped down to her hands, fingers interlaced. “This isn’t… the life he would’ve chosen for himself. I’m sure it’s very difficult for him to imagine anyone sincerely wanting it.”

“...How d’ya think I could convince him, then? I’ll do anythin’, really, if-”

“It’s alright,” Mademoiselle said, looking up at him with a reassuring smile as she pat his arm. “You’ve done more than enough already. At this point, it’s up to Shu to decide how he wishes to proceed. Neither of us can make that decision for him.”

That he’d already done everything he could was impossible to believe. It always felt like there should be something more that Mika could be doing. Surely this wasn’t his best. Surely there was a version of himself that could make the people around him happier, that wouldn’t frustrate them and wear them out until their only choice was to be rid of him. But how he was supposed to change to become that sort of person… the right answer always eluded him.

At this point, Mika took it as a given that anything he said to Mademoiselle was apt to make its way to Shu. He counted on it, trusting her to get his feelings across better than he could himself. Still, when Shu approached him after breakfast the next morning by waiting outside the kitchen door, he didn’t think to connect it to their talk the day before. It was too much of a surprise. Usually he was pretty scarce in the mornings.

“Kagehira,” Shu said, sitting stiff and straight, “The weather is rather pleasant today.”

“Ngah? I guess - looked nice and bright out through th’ windows, anyway.”

“Indeed. It is getting warmer as well.” Shu shifted his claws against the floor, curling them in and out carefully. He glanced over behind Mika, where Mademoiselle was no doubt standing and coaxing him on. “Considering that… I thought it may prove beneficial to go for a short walk. Are you amenable?”

Mika’s heart skipped as soon as it parsed the offer. “Ah - yer askin’ if I wanna go too?” Shu’s eyes narrowed, but he nodded without another word. All concerns momentarily allayed, Mika beamed and said, “‘Course I do! Anywhere ya wanna go is good with me.”

“Alright.” His tail swished behind him once, then Shu stood and headed towards the front entryway, still looking rather stiff. Happy as he was, the oddness of the request was starting to sink in. To be safe, Mika looked back at Mademoiselle first, questioning silently if she wanted to join them too. But she merely smiled and waved a hand for him to get going. Probably nothing to worry about, then. With a slight sigh of relief, he hurried after Shu, only detouring by the stairs to grab his cloak from where it hung off the newel.

Unsurprisingly, it was as nice out as Shu claimed. The air was warm, with very little wind, and the sky was clear and blue wherever Mika looked. The one real downside was that the snow underfoot was starting to turn to slush a few inches down, which made it easy to slip. Fortunately, Shu stayed close and let Mika keep a hand on him for balance. It sure was a sight, his feathers and fur contrast against the snow. The bright sunlight overhead and stark white underfoot made it easier to pick up on all the little variations in Shu’s coloring. Not just the light pink, but a silvery kind of color too, and pale, glossy yellows here and there. Forget taking a walk, Mika thought he’d probably have fun getting to sit and look as closely at all the different shades in front of him.

If Shu noticed him staring, he didn’t mention it. He kept walking slow but steady towards the iron gates in front of them. Yet when they actually opened, Shu paused. Mika glanced towards the open space, and remembered again what the initial rules for his stay had been.

“U-um,” he stammered, unwilling to cross the threshold himself without understanding what it meant, “Ya sure ya wanna go out like this? Ain’t that scary for ya?”

Shu, at least, seemed as hesitant as he was. But he drew himself up anyway and said, “It’s fine. There’s no one around for miles. And it will be a short walk.”

Having some assurance that Shu intended to return quickly helped steady Mika’s nerves. Right, whatever Shu was thinking, Mika knew he wasn’t the kind of person to ditch him. After all, last time he’d tried to send him on his way, it’d been with a full bag of supplies and a clear warning. There was no way this was some kind of trick.

With a deep breath, Mika decided to encourage by example, and took the first few steps out beyond the gate on his own. “Was there somewhere ya wanted t’ go, Teach? Or did ya maybe wanna stretch yer wings a little? I never seen ya fly before,” he chatted away easily, as he turned back to point his smile right at Shu.

“Hmph. I’m afraid I’ll need to disappoint you there.” Looking back at his wings with clear dissatisfaction, he admitted, “Frankly, these things aren’t much use. I can glide a bit, but anything beyond that…” He trailed off into a huff. “I suppose that would be too close to freedom to be permitted.”

The melancholy way he said that rang a little strange to Mika. He knew that Shu wasn’t here by choice, but it’d always come across more like he was too scared of strangers and being seen to leave. This was the first time it sounded like there was really something, or someone, getting in the way of him going anywhere. Mika wavered, wanting badly to ask, but very aware it was likely to be another landmine. “Um, Teach-”

“To answer your question, though,” Shu interrupted, “There is something I was hoping to get a closer look at. It should be over to the right, by the cliffside.” Saying what he meant to do out loud seemed to bolster Shu further - his hesitation gave way, and he too managed to walk forward to lead the way. Had he dodged the still-unspoken question on purpose, or had he not noticed…? Either way, Mika decided to drop it. If he didn’t want to talk about it, then that was that.

As confident as Shu tried to look, though, before long Mika noticed that he was still keeping pretty close to the outer walls. Not quite pressed up against them, but near enough that there wouldn’t be room for Mika to squeeze in between. Still nervous, huh… Mika couldn’t blame him. It had only been a couple of months of being indoors almost all the time, and it already felt strange to be outside like this again. He had no idea how long it’d been since Shu had last gone out at all. Apart from the night he’d saved Mika, at least, which had been an emergency, so it probably didn’t count.

Impulsively, Mika lifted a hand towards Shu, before realizing he wasn’t sure what to do with it. It’d been real comforting to hold hands with that boy back then - and as soon as that thought struck him, he gave himself a sharp knock on the head with his own knuckles. Stop that , he reminded himself, grunting in further affirmation. He promised he wouldn’t think about that anymore, but the thoughts kept slipping in on their own anyway.

“Kagehira, what on earth are you doing?”, Shu asked with obvious exasperation, glancing back at him. Mika hurriedly dropped his hand, clasping it behind his back.

“Ngah, um… nothin’ much!” Plainly unconvinced, Shu narrowed his eyes at Mika until he sheepishly admitted one part. “Just, um, thinkin’... it’d be nice if we could hold hands, is all.”

Shu blinked, wings rustling momentarily against his back, before he sniffed and continued forward. “Terribly sorry to have disappointed. So it doesn’t happen again, I suggest you cease wishing for the impossible.”

“Er - I didn’t mean it like that,” Mika said, hurrying to keep up as Shu got ahead of him. “I was thinkin’...” He trailed off, unsure how Shu would take knowing that Mika had picked up on his unease. That seemed like it might embarrass him. Fidgeting a little, he settled on what seemed safest to admit. “I know it’s kinda silly, but… bein’ able t’ hold onta someone like that is reassurin’ when yer nervous.”

“...Do you feel uneasy, then?”, Shu asked, his tone softening a little. Mika nodded. It was true, if not the whole truth. After a slight pause, Shu shrugged one wing slightly and said, “There’s no need to be so reticent. Aren’t you already quite accustomed to hanging over me as much as possible?”

“Ehehe, guess yer right. Thanks, Teach.” With a grin, he hurried up to Shu’s side so he could put a hand in between Shu’s shoulders. As always, he was careful not to go grabbing the feathers. And in turn, he felt Shu relax a little under his touch. That little bit was enough to nearly make his heart melt. See? , he wanted to say, I can help after all.

It was good to have the extra support, too. Mika didn’t notice his leg bothering him much anymore, but sometimes it got a little wobbly when he’d been on his feet for a while. With the snow having gotten so slushy, it was definitely better to have something to keep him upright. In a few places - mostly towards the edges of the cliffside - it had even melted away enough to reveal patches of grass. The bright bursts of green brought a smile to Mika’s face, even as they reminded him of how much time had passed. How much time he’d been taking up.

“Here they are,” Shu said, sounding relieved. Mika tried to spot what he was talking about - then followed his line of vision to notice one such patch had a couple of white buds poking their heads up already.

With a gasp, Mika ignored the wet snow and dropped right to his knees to get a closer look. “Waaaah, they’re almost bloomin’, Teach! This is super early, ain’t it?”

“Indeed. I was rather surprised to have spotted them from the castle, but I’m pleased to see I hadn’t mistaken them.” Shu sat down very neatly next to him, right at the point where the snow melted away.

“I can’t believe ya noticed ‘em from that far away. I thought it was eagles that had really good eyesight, not owls.”

“Whether that is true or not, I am no mere owl. You should know that by now.” Shu sniffed, but didn’t really sound mad. If anything, he sounded a little relieved when he asked, “I take it you like such things?”

“Mm, yeah! Pretty things like this always cheer ya up.” His mind started to veer back towards the cloak the boy had left him with, and how he’d wound up using it more as a blanket than an actual article of clothing. To banish it, he dug his fingers into his own arm, and turned the question back to Shu, “Don’tcha think?”

Shu eyed him a moment, but when Mika’s smile didn’t waver, he relented enough to turn back to the little aspiring flowers. “I suppose. I can’t make anything beautiful myself, so I’ve the choice between resenting or admiring that which manages to exist without my help.” He brushed one claw very carefully against a stem, knocking a small bit of water off it. “Today, at least, I feel more inclined to admire them.”

“Huh… is that why ya like clothes so much? Ya wanna make yer own?”

The tip of Shu’s tail twitched, but he answered in the same level tone, “Not only clothes. There’s a great many fields I once yearned to pursue.” He glanced down at his talons, before settling them back down on the ground. “I did… try to work around my own limitations. For a long time. But all I succeeded at was learning more reasons to hate this useless body.”

The resigned admission sent a sharp, stabbing pain right through Mika’s heart. Before he knew it, he was already offering, “Maybe I could help, if ya want? I know I got a lot t’ learn, but I’m pretty good at followin’ directions. If ya tell me what yer thinkin’, I could make it for ya.”

“No. I already know that won’t work,” Shu said, with a distracted shake of his head, “I’ve tried before with both Mademoiselle and Nito. No matter how hard they worked, or how carefully I explained, there was always some gap between what I wanted and what they could do.”

“Okay, but… yer teachin’ me already, right? If I work real hard t’ learn everything ya like an’ want, then maybe-”

“I said no , Kagehira. What’s the point of putting you through something I already know is doomed to failure?” Mika had no real answer to that, and it didn’t sound like Shu meant it as a criticism, exactly. But he couldn’t help but feel the implicit comparison - the idea that if someone as perfect as Nito couldn’t make such an idea work, then Mika surely had no chance at all. As he drooped, though, Shu added, “Besides, didn’t you promise me you would make me something of your own? Don’t tell me you’ve given up on that already.”

As quickly as it had sunk, Mika’s heart rebounded, jumping with eager delight. “‘Course not! Just you wait, I’ll definitely fix ya up somethin’ as pretty as you deserve.”

Shu couldn’t smile, and Mika wondered sometimes if he was any more capable of laughing. But at least the squint to his eyes seemed pleased enough. “Good. That’s the proper amount of determination to have, at any rate.” Then a gust of wind blew through, strong enough to ruffle Shu’s feathers, and he shivered a bit.

“You okay? Ya wanna go back?”

“Mm, we may as well. Not being able to wear gloves does make the snow rather uncomfortable.”

“Eh-” Mika blinked, and looked down at Shu’s claws and paws, stuck right in the middle of that cold, slushy snow. “Ahhh, that’s right! ‘M sorry, I didn’t think a’ that.” Alarmed at his own thoughtlessness, Mika hurriedly grabbed hold of one of Shu’s talons. Sure enough, it was freezing and wet… there was no way it was comfortable. Leaning in closer, he started rubbing it between his hands, trying to warm it up as best he could.

“Th-that’s-! What do you think you’re doing, grabbing me like that!”, Shu snapped, yanking himself away so sharply, Mika nearly fell over. 

“Erk - sorry. Thought it might help a bit.” 

“Couldn’t you have chosen a more proper way to do such a…” As Mika collected himself, Shu trailed off, eyes fixed and focused straight at him. Mika blinked back at him a few times, before realizing his attention was actually on Mika’s right hand. The palm was sliced open with a couple of deep scratches, and had started to bleed.

“Oh,” Mika said, more startled by the sight than hurt, “Er... whoops?”

Right away, Shu stood and turned towards the castle. “We’re going back. Now . We’ll need to wash out the injury, and then bandage it, or perhaps make a poultice first…” 

“Ya don’t gotta get so worked up, Teach,” Mika called after him, scrambling to catch up, “I’ve had waaay worse before-”

“Then you should know better than to be so careless!”, Shu snapped again, without looking back at him, “What is wrong with you? Why don’t you have any sense of danger?”

How could Mika answer that, besides laugh? “Ehehe, yer right. Guess there’s somethin’ wrong with my brain. Sorry.” 

For some reason, that made Shu flinch and walk more quickly. “I don’t - I don’t need an apology. Or any more self-deprecation. Can’t you be more…” Although his stride didn’t break, his steps started to drag, leaving longer grooves in the snow. Under his breath, Mika could hear him mumbling to himself, “N-no, I shouldn’t… be saying that. What right do I have? The one who was most careless was really…”

“Teach, yer really makin’ too big a’ deal over this. It’s just a lil’ scratch, see?” Mika waved his hand at Shu, who glanced back at it briefly and shuddered.

“It’s not just a scratch,” Shu insisted, the words sounding strained to Mika’s ears, “An injury like that could do permanent damage. Whether by leaving a scar, or - or leaving you with limited use of your hands.” His tail whipped viciously behind him, preventing Mika from getting any closer. “How can you treat such a possibility as unimportant?”

Mika’s brow furrowed. He curled his injured hand as much as he could, trying to keep the wound away from Shu’s sight. “I mean... that’d be bad, sure. But I wouldn’t get mad at you fer it? ‘Specially since it’s mostly my fault, anyway.”

Shu made a choking sound and shuddered again. Mika worried for a second that he might be sick - he knew some people had awful reactions to seeing blood, and wanted to kick himself for not knowing to hide it from the start. “You truly don’t have a scrap of self-preservation, do you?” He said it so bitterly, and Mika couldn’t fathom why.

“...I guess not,” Mika said, smiling and shrugging. Trying to make it sound like a joke. “Sorry.”

Shu hesitated another moment, then simply said, “It doesn’t matter. Your injury needs to be tended to regardless.” And then continued leading the way back to the castle. Mika cradled his injured hand carefully, but little drops of blood kept falling to the ground anyway. He did his best to push the snow around and hide them as he walked. Otherwise, considering how good Shu’s eyes were, Mika wouldn’t be surprised if he wound up noticing the stains every time he looked out a window.

It really wasn’t a big deal. Or at least, it shouldn’t have been a big deal. Mademoiselle hadn’t been nearly as alarmed as Shu was - she only fussed over him a little, and had his hand cleaned and bandaged in no time. He couldn’t sew much like that, or carry anything too heavy, but it’d heal soon enough. There was no reason everything couldn’t go back to normal.

Except, of course, for the fact that Shu still wasn’t acting normal at all. If he’d been a little distant before, he was outright avoidant the rest of the night. The next day, too, he stayed holed up in his room, and when Mika tried to check in on him, Mademoiselle gently ushered him away. 

“It’s not a good time right now, Mika,” she cautioned him, before offering to spend the day with him instead. He was grateful, of course. But if she felt that strongly about keeping them apart, then Shu’s mood had to be really bad, didn’t it?

The slim bit of confidence he’d managed to scrape together after that night in the ballroom was completely shot. Stress and anxiety ate away at it without leaving a crumb behind. No matter what Mademoiselle did to get his mind off him, all he could do was ask himself over and over how he could possibly fix this. What had he gotten so wrong this time? What did Shu want him to do? What would Nito have done to make him happy? The questions offered no answers. All they did was feed that anxiety further, letting it grow and gorge itself, until it didn’t leave room in him for any other feeling.

It was just as well that Shu hadn’t come out to make lunch. Mika didn’t think he could eat anything if he tried. His stomach was in such tight knots, he was sure he’d be sick if he forced anything into it. He was ready to pass on dinner too, despite Mademoiselle’s insistence, when Shu finally reappeared as they finished cleaning the windows in the east wing.

“Teach!”, Mika squawked, as Shu approached him with a serious look in his eyes, “Um, I wanted t’ say I’m sorry ‘bout yesterday. Really, really sorry-”

Cutting him off with a sharp snort, Shu said, “I’m not interested in more apologies. Instead, Kagehira, I would like to speak with you privately.”

“Shu,” Mademoiselle interrupted, much sharper than Mika had ever heard her before, “Are you certain you’d like to talk right now?”

“I am. I see no benefit to prolonging this. Unless there’s something more important you need to be doing,” he added, with a very pointed look at Mika.

Mika hesitated, but only for a moment. Even if he did something like board himself up in his room, it wouldn’t do any good. The doors always opened for Shu anyway. “N-no. That’s okay. I wanna talk too.” 

Mademoiselle still looked a little uncertain - but she didn’t try to stop them again. Instead, she smiled and said she’d wait in the foyer for them. He tried to smile back, but for all his practice with it, he didn’t think he managed to get the expression right this time.

Rather than the ballroom or either bedroom, Shu had apparently decided to lead him further downstairs. Mika knew there was a cellar - Mademoiselle had told him about on one of their tours, though she hadn’t taken him beyond the door. It wasn’t safe, she’d explained, the stairs being old and rather damaged. He could hear how true that was as he and Shu walked down them. Nothing broke, but they creaked badly and buckled enough to cause concern under Shu’s weight, as carefully as he tried to walk.

There was a lot of stuff down there. Nothing was as damaged as Shu’s bedroom used to be, but everything was thrown into careless piles, and there was hardly room to walk. Shu could barely squeeze through the space by holding his wings in very tightly. Despite this, he led Mika further in, stopping in a relatively empty corner where a mirror sat against the wall. Or at least, Mika thought it was a mirror. It sure looked like one of those fancy standing kinds - but it didn’t reflect anything at all. The glass in its frame was simply a dull, blank grey.

“Kagehira,” Shu started to say, only to pause and try again, “Kagehira, I would like you to tell me more about that boy you claimed to have met. What exactly about him made that encounter so meaningful to you?”

“Ngah?” Was this a trick question? Trying to see if he’d really committed to forgetting? A little frazzled, Mika hastily answered, “U-um… I dunno! I haven’t really been thinkin’ about him lately.”

Shooting an impatient look at him over his shoulder, Shu retorted, “Don’t lie to me. I don’t believe for a second that you’ve been able to let go of such long-held feelings that quickly.”

Mika winced. “O-okay, maybe not yet… but I’m tryin’ . Why are ya askin’ ‘bout him when talkin’ is gonna make that harder?”

“I’m asking because I want to know, of course. What other reason do I need?”

Under his dark violet eyes, Mika felt himself shrinking back a little. This probably… wasn’t the right time to try and argue. He had to be careful. No one was more aware of what a single misstep could cost than him. “W-well… I already told ya. He saved me when I was little.” Despite himself, his hands came together, one clasping the other in an anxious hold. “It’s… it’s normal, ain’t it? Wantin’ ta get t’ know someone who helped ya.”

“In other words, it’s the same reason you’ve grown so attached to me,” Shu said, blunt enough that Mika could almost feel the words hit, “Is there any meaningful difference between him and I to you, or are we simply interchangeable?” 

He spoke without any particularly notable anger, but the lack of it made it more painful. It was as if the idea wasn’t worth getting angry over. Mika found himself looking down, rubbing lightly at the bandage around his hand with his thumb. “How could ya ask that, Teach...?” Bad as it hurt, he at least tried to watch his words and tone, so this didn’t wind up being another argument. “‘S not how I feel at all.”

“Ahh, that’s right. There is one very important difference.” This time, Shu was the one to look away, his eyes dropping down as he lifted one talon from the ground. “ He is someone who could hold your hand.”

Mika froze. Then ripped his hands away from each other, balling them into safe fists at his side. “Th-that’s…  it wasn’t… I wasn’t thinkin’ ‘bout him, back then.” His attempts at caution fell apart in his haste to reassure, the words tumbling out into yet another mess. “Or, I mean, maybe I was a little, but not ‘cause I wanted t’ be with him instead! I never thought that, not fer a second.”

But the flat look in Shu’s eyes when they fell back on him made it clear Mika’s stammering failed to convince. “Hmph. Simple enough to say. But as far as I can tell, I simply happen to be the one in front of you right now. If by some miracle he appeared before you again, would you really still choose to stay here rather than leave with him? Would you honestly be happy with such a decision?”

Against his will, the question conjured an image in Mika’s mind. A vague outline of a person, more a feeling than memory, offering a hand to him again. He stiffened at it, at the impossibility of the entire premise. “...That won’t happen,” he muttered, “He’s not from around here, an’ he ain’t gonna show up now fer no reason. Ya don’t gotta worry ‘bout any of that.”

“That is not what I asked. I want an explanation,” Shu snapped, his wings beating once uselessly in the enclosed space, knocking into a pile and sending a few clinking trinkets toppling to the ground. “What are you getting out of remaining here that’s so precious, you’d abandon such an important wish?”

This, at least, was something Mika felt sure he knew the right answer to. “It’s not that I’m gettin’ anything,” he explained, “There’s just no way I’d be able t’ run off anywhere if it meant leavin’ ya an’ Miss Maddie all alone up here.”

Shu’s eyes narrowed, like a hunting bird’s might on a piece of prey. “Ahh. That’s the difference, then. You find me too pathetic to dare abandon.”

The statement, spoken as an inarguable fact, left Mika dumbfounded. That wasn’t… well, it was kind of true that he didn’t think that boy had any real need for him, while he hoped maybe Shu could. But it didn’t have anything to do with thinking Shu was pathetic. That had never once crossed his mind. “Um. Wait, that’s not-”

“I suppose it’s an understandable way of thinking,” Shu said, cutting him off as he stood and began slinking around the room, “I am aware you feel indebted to me, and as you’ve said before, it’s natural to wish to repay someone who has helped you. Even if one must endure significant hardship to do so. No doubt there are a great many people who would consider your determination to settle your debts honestly noble.” With a proud toss of his head, Shu looked back at him. “But I am not most people. And I have not fallen so far that I’m willing to accept such an arrangement. My existence is not so miserable that I would blindly welcome any company, for any reason.”

Of course. It was the answer Mika had feared most - that he wasn’t good enough to keep. Didn’t have anything to offer that Shu wanted. His heart was beating painfully fast. He’d been thrown away before, more times than he could count, but it’d been a long time since he’d felt this terrified at the prospect. He’d learned long ago how to put on a smile and accept anything. Now, he couldn’t remember how to move his mouth at all.

“No, wait. Wait a sec, please.” The words stumbled out weakly, as tears beaded in his eyes. The hungry feeling in his gut seemed to roil. Was there anything he could do to change Shu’s mind? All that came to mind were hopeless pleas - Don’t. Please don’t. I don’t wanna go - until his thoughts managed to latch on to the only example he had to follow. 

Rather than take a step forward, Mika planted his feet firmly and clasped his hands. He never really did anything like this in front of other people - except sometimes singing lullabies to babies and little kids when he was given babysitting jobs. They never complained about his voice, but he knew Shu would have higher standards than that. Yet he knew exactly one clear thing about Nito, which meant there was one thing he could try to imitate. So Mika took a breath, and in that crowded, musty room, sang loud enough to fill every bit of space left in it.

It wasn’t good enough. He knew from the first note. The song was a lively tune he’d heard passed around the tavern plenty of times, but without instruments it felt small and childish. The dust in the air kept getting into his throat and made the words come out scratched up and cracked. This wasn’t what Nito would have sung for Shu, he was certain of it. Though he sang it to the end, he couldn’t look at Shu when it was over.

“That’s, um… that’s just my first try. I can come up with better songs than that,” he said, as he wracked his empty brains for an example, “Or… or ya could teach me th’ ones ya like better! I’ll learn all yer favorites, if ya tell me what they are. I’ll practice real hard, ‘til I get ‘em perfect, I promise-”

“What was that?”, Shu asked, tone utterly unreadable. “What… exactly are you trying to do here?”

Urgh. He didn’t sound happy at all. Mika shrunk in on himself, and stammered out, “W-well… ya said yer Nito used ya sing, right?”

“And when did I say you ought to do the same?” The sound of his tail starting to thump down on the floor made Mika wince. Figures he’d find a way to make things worse. “If anything, I told you the opposite, didn’t I? You aren’t a thing like him. There’s no point in trying to imitate him.”

“Nngh… there is though. If I were a lil’ bit more like him, that’d make ya happy, wouldn’t it? Or, like, if I could do what he could, maybe ya’d like me more, an’ I’d be better company…”

There was a long pause, and Mika wanted to bite his tongue to punish it for admitting a clearly unwanted truth. Finally, Shu snorted, and in a withering tone said, “Ridiculous. Such stunts merely make the disparity more obvious.”

“S-sorry,” Mika muttered, eyes stuck to the floor, “I’ll stop. I w-won’t sing again, ever, not one peep.”

For some reason, that brought Shu’s irritated tail to a still. “What? No, that isn’t…” His talons shifted slightly on the hard floor, an oddly self-conscious sound. “You don’t need to go so far to apologize.”

“I do, though. I made ya mad. I’m always sayin’ the wrong thing an’ messin’ up, I know, but I promise I ain’t doin’ it on purpose.”

“I… I am aware of that-”

His voice was getting softer again. More distant. Too much like the ‘nice’ way everyone always sounded when they started to tell him that they’d had all they could take of him. Panic blurred Mika’s vision, his fingers digging deeper into his own injured hand as he tried to think of some way to hold on a little longer. “Then tell me what I oughta do! I swear, I can fix anythin’ ya don’t like ‘bout me! L-like, I won’t talk so much, an’ I’ll do everythin’ ya say - I can do it, I can , just tell me what I gotta do t’ be better for ya.”

Why did Shu keep looking at him like that? All tense and drawn back, like he was something to be afraid of. It was like the more he tried to give, the worse he scared him. “I am telling you - you don’t need to do anything. There’s no need for all this.” 

“There is! My life belongs to ya, Teach. Whatever it takes t’ make it into somethin’ ya want, I’ll do it!”

“I don’t want it! A replacement for Nito, more pity, or your life - I’ve never asked for any of it!” He was angry enough, Mika half-expected to get pounced on again, or knocked aside as Shu paced and stalked, and tried to brace himself. But this time, Shu dug his claws into the earthen floor below and said, “If that’s all you have to offer me, I don’t want you here at all . Do you understand that , Kagehira?”

The words hung in the air. Mika’s hand throbbed. Everything blurred in front of his eyes, and even Shu’s voice sounded foggy. He still didn’t understand when he’d offered pity in the first place, but his life... if he couldn’t give Shu that, what else was there? It was as complete a rejection as he could’ve imagined. “...Yeah,” he said, the words hard to get past his numb lips, “I getcha.” The inevitability closed in on him like a set of jaws. “‘M sorry fer all th’ trouble I caused ya.”

Shu didn’t say anything to that for a long moment, but Mika couldn’t get his hopes up again. Sure enough, all he said next was a curt, “It doesn’t matter. I’ll forget it all soon enough once you’re gone.” Tilting his head towards the mirror, Shu told him, “Step up to it and think of your village. It’s a safer method of traveling than going back down the mountains.”

All his thoughts had gone quiet. Mika couldn’t do much more than what he was told. “...Thank ya kindly,” he muttered, feet moving until he was standing in front of it. Although his whole head felt empty, a part of him must have still been obeying Shu’s directions anyway, because the silver in front of him seemed to shift in the unchanging light and turn pliable. He held off on actually stepping through for as long as he could stand it, weakly hoping Shu might yet change his mind. 

When Mika finally took those steps away from him, he did it without looking back. He didn’t want to know if Shu was watching him or not. He didn’t know which would hurt more.

It was a strange way to travel, all the more so because it felt like nothing at all. In one moment, he was in the castle’s cellar, and in the other, he was staring at the dirt road leading straight into town. Mika simply stood there at first, still too blank to start thinking of what he should do next. Who he should go to, to let them know he was back. There was less snow here, he noticed, and the ground had already begun thawing into thick mud. To lift his feet from it felt like it would take more effort than he had to give.

Then something bumped his leg. Mika blinked down at it, expecting maybe an overeager dog or something. But it was a bag instead. A big one, stuffed to the brim with who knew what. At first he thought maybe someone had left it out here, or it’d fallen off someone’s cart. A closer look at the high quality leather made it obvious who it really belonged to. 

Despite everything, once he realized, Mika scrambled to pick it up out of the mud, anxious to keep it from getting dirty. It was heavy, but once it was in his arms, he didn’t want to put it down. He just hugged its awkward, lumpy shape tighter and tighter, and didn’t budge one bit apart from that.

Eventually, someone noticed him standing there. There was a cry, the sound of his name, and suddenly more people than he’d ever talked to at once before started to crowd around him. Worried faces and voices, asking him where he’d been all this time. How he’d gotten through the last few months. Where he got the bag and nice clothes. Mika was surprised at the interest. All these years living here must have been enough to make him a familiar face, if nothing else. The baker was especially frantic when she appeared, alternating between apologizing for letting him go out in the snow, and scolding him for not coming back sooner. 

For all their worrying, though, he couldn’t muster up the right kind of response. He still felt dazed. Like none of this was really happening. Gradually, everyone seemed to notice he wasn’t saying anything, and their concern won out over their curiosity. The baker shepherded him back to her place, assuring him that the loft was still free. For at least the next few days, he could use it, until he’d recovered some.

“Don’t worry, all your things are still up there. I told myself I’d have to throw them out if you weren’t back by spring, but I couldn’t bear to toss it all without knowing what became of you,” she said, patting his back reassuringly. Mika nodded, trying to look appropriately grateful. It was a good thing he came back when he did. Or it might’ve all been lost.

Lucky him.

There wasn’t much to go through, so it was easy to confirm that everything was indeed there. A couple sets of clothes. Some sewing needles and thread. The worn-out remains of the cloak he’d gotten as a child. And of course, bits and pieces from various jobs he’d hoarded and lined up according to when he’d gotten them so he wouldn’t forget. Nothing anyone would miss - only things that had already been thrown out, like a piece of an old hoe that had chipped off, or a cracked button from a child’s doll. 

He shoved the bag Shu had sent after him at the very end of that line. The idea of actually opening it and going through everything… was impossible right now. It felt too much like a final good-bye. But he’d keep it somewhere he could see it. He wouldn’t throw it away. Couldn’t.

The next couple of days were no less surreal to get through. People kept stopping by the bakery asking about him. How he was, where he’d been, who had given him the nice clothes he turned back up in. If they stuck with the first question, it might’ve been nice to be fussed over so much. But the rest he had to answer with lies, and Mika was terrible at coming up with those, especially on the spot like this. He stammered out something about a traveling merchant picking him up when he got lost and getting stuck with him until they came back through the area. No one outright refuted the excuse, but Mika could tell it was taken with skepticism. After all, why would a merchant drop him off without actually stopping by their village to make some sales? He was able to get around the follow-up questions by playing up his exhaustion, but people were eventually gonna get more curious…

If he was gonna do this, he shoulda told me what to say when I got back too , Mika kept thinking. The tone of the thought shifted depending on the time of day. In early mornings, it was almost entirely driven by anxiety, and curdled as the hours crept on into… not anger. Just… just frustration, maybe, coming up in spikes that startled him with how sharp they were. After all, Shu didn’t have to send him back so suddenly. Mika hardly had a chance to get his head around what was happening, let alone prepare himself. It wasn’t fair. He hadn’t even gotten to say good-bye to Mademoiselle. Now there was a thought that left a thick, suffocating feeling in its wake. He hadn’t gotten to say anything to her. Not thank her for all she’d done for him, or say how much he liked getting to know her, nothing.

With how sharp those feelings were, Mika could only bear to hold onto them for brief moments. Then he did his best to let the fog creep back in and smother them. None of it mattered. Being angry or hurt over people who weren’t there didn’t do any good. He’d known that ever since he was a little kid. All you could do was try to forget.

And try he did. Every day, Mika woke up and tried not to think about Shu or Mademoiselle. When he hurried out nice and early to find other options for work and lodging, he tried not to think about how nice it’d been to have someone waiting to have breakfast with him. When someone’s eyes glazed over him slightly as they told him whatever reason they weren’t looking for a hired hand, he tried not to think about Shu’s sharp focus or Mademoiselle’s gentle instruction. When he crawled back up to the windowless loft again with hardly a word passing between himself and his host, he tried not to think about Shu coming by his room and helping him over to the telescope so they could use it together.

He tried. But he wasn’t doing a very good job.

About a week after his return, the baker greeted him one morning with a cheerful announcement that she’d found someone who could use his help. A farmer with a new baby and young children, too small to help in the fields yet. If he looked after them, then there was a room off the barn that he could use at least through spring, maybe summer too. This time, Mika remembered the right muscles to pull for a smile as he thanked her for her help and said that sounded like a great idea.

Climbing back up to the loft that night, he looked at his line of trinkets, and knew he couldn’t put it off any longer. If he was gonna be packing everything up to move again, then for practicality’s sake, he had to actually go through the bag Shu gave him and decide what was worth taking with him any further.

He touched one of the straps like it might disintegrate under his touch. Gingerly, drawing back almost the instant his finger brushed against the leather. When it remained whole, he grabbed it and dragged it towards himself. His heart was beating very hard again, but it wasn’t the same excited flurry that would pick up when Shu was there. It was a slower, heavier thudding that seemed to press right against his ribs with each pulse. He took a shaking breath, and held it in as he finally opened the top flap to look inside.

The first thing he saw were his original clothes, a reveal so anticlimactic he couldn’t help but let all his breath out at once. Only for him to be hit with surprise after surprise just below. There was a small purse full of gold coins, for one, that had been tucked into the side of the bag. All at once, Mika found himself saddled with more money than he’d ever owned before in his life. And the sewing projects he’d been working on were all folded up nice and neat inside too. And a couple of books Mika hadn’t finished yet. And pressed safe and flat between those… there was a map. 

As he unfolded it, Mika realized from the names of places that it covered the entire region. One little dot in the mountains was circled - carefully, though with a clearly uneven hand - in red ink. Was that the village? He wasn’t sure, but… from there, a long, shaking red line traced down through several roads, all the way to the capital. Was Shu telling him to go there? Why? Why would he…

Slowly, Mika’s eyes drifted to the fabric, and then to the books, before dropping back down to the map. All things he’d wanted to do, but had left unfinished. He thought back to Shu’s insistence that there was no need to limit himself. That he was giving up too easily, and should chase what he really wanted. Looking at the little red trail, it clicked. The capital may not be where that boy was, but Shu no doubt believed it was the most promising place for him to start searching.

The tears slipped out quietly, the rest of him too numb to react to them. It was the best chance he might have to leave. To actually chase that dream he’d held onto for so long. But he couldn’t find a single bit of him that wanted to do it. He didn’t want to go somewhere else and look for a stranger, no matter how dear that person’s memory was to him. All he wanted was to go back up to the castle and ask Shu what he’d been thinking.

His hands were shaking, and he had to put the map down before it tore. But now that the gates around his heart had been cracked open, it all came rushing out worse than ever. None of it was any fair. Why hadn’t Shu listened to him? Why had he gotten so upset over something so small? And how had he gotten the idea in his head that Mika felt sorry for him? He was so smart and so kind, but that more than anything made it obvious he didn't understand a single thing about Mika’s feelings.

Up there in the loft, Mika covered his mouth and tried to keep himself quiet. The sobs struck against his attempts to confine them, almost violent in how they shook his body, as his thoughts circled around the ‘ whys ’ and ‘ it’s not fairs ’ futilely. Until a realization slipped in, so quiet it almost slipped back out before he could notice it.

No, he didn’t understand. But... had he really tried to?

His breath hitched, and the question settled in to take root. Even when Shu brought him down to talk that last day… all Mika had been thinking of was how to make the conversation end safely, rather than talk about how he felt. Because he’d been scared. Too scared to ask, too scared to argue, too scared to do anything but squeeze his eyes shut and pray it’d be enough to simply throw everything he could at Shu’s feet. 

‘ If that’s all you have to offer me, I don’t want you here at all. ’

As Shu’s words echoed in his mind again, this time he thought… they sounded more like a plea than a rejection. Especially that ‘if’ ringing loudest of all. Once he’d wiped the tears from his eyes, Mika looked at his hand again. The marks were still visible, but it was healing well. He could use it normally again. Nodding to himself, he dropped it down to the fabric Shu had packed for him. The now-familiar feeling of velvet stoke something in him, as he remembered the pleased squint in Shu’s eyes. A dim fire of determination. 

He did have something else to offer. And a promise he still wanted to keep.

As expected, his first hike out was a bust. Replicating a route he hadn’t been able to see himself making wasn’t going to be easy, and he knew he wasn’t smooth enough to ask around about the castle. All he’d do was make people wonder why he was so curious, or worse, make them interested in looking for it too. But that was okay. Mika didn’t feel daunted by how long the search might take. He had money, thanks to Shu, so he didn’t have to worry about work until it ran out. He could dedicate all his time to finding a way back.

The map was a help, though not a big one. Partly because Mika had never really read a map before, and partly because it covered such a large area, the most relevant part wasn’t very detailed. Still, there were some details about the castle’s location that he could recall - the fact that it was on a ledge, with a great wide view of the mountain range opposite, and within a day’s walk of his village - that allowed him to narrow things down. Finding it was a matter of time. He’d make sure of that.

After a handful of attempts, Mika got tired of having to turn back when it got dark. It kept eating into his time, and people kept bugging him about what he was doing when he was in town. He decided to buy some supplies for camping and start staying out in the woods overnight. It was a little scary at first. Even with a fire, he could hardly see once the sun went down, and there were all kinds of noises that put him on edge. But he feared losing track of his progress more than any other dangers. Besides, he could always keep his mind off anything too scary with work. He still had to make sure he finished his gift before he found Shu again.

As days passed, the trees littering the mountains became green once more. He found more than one old, unused dirt road winding through them, and tried to follow each one as far as he could in hopes of finding those high stone walls. Gradually, Mika got more used to walking long distances. It wasn’t as hard as he had feared to keep going, despite failing day after day. He hadn’t realized how much better he’d feel just by trying. To know he was working towards what he really wanted most.

Spring was blossoming properly when he finally saw it again. As he followed along a ledge that cut sharply down - maybe, he hoped, it was the one he’d fallen off of before - it brought him out far enough that he got a great view of the whole range. And though the castle was still a ways away, he could finally see it. The black walls and the spires pointing up from behind them were absolutely unmistakable. 

Every instinct in him wanted to run straight for it immediately, but forced himself to take a breath and keep going slow instead. This time, he wouldn’t mess up and make Shu save him. He’d get up to that front door nice and safe, all on his own.

The stone wall wasn’t cold under his hand when he reached it this time. It was warmed by the long hours in the sun. Like last time, he let his fingers trace its entire length as he walked around to find the gate. 

Despite everything Shu said, the thick iron bars opened to his touch this time too. Seeing that - knowing he was still welcome, on some level - took a weight from his shoulders that he hadn’t realized he was carrying. “Thank ya kindly,” Mika made sure to tell them, before passing through to the courtyard.

The grounds were a vibrant green now. He could see the flowers Mademoiselle had promised starting to pepper the earth with yellows and pinks, and a handful of bright reds. They were as pretty as she’d said. Somehow, that made him feel a little less nervous too. Taking a breath, he headed straight to the front door, as purposefully as he could. It opened on its own before he could make it halfway down the pathway, but only a little. Enough that Mika could start to make out Shu’s outline in the shadows beyond the doorway.

“What,” that vague shape asked him, “Are you doing back here?”

It stung to hear, sure. But there was one thing about it that was a relief. “Hey, Teach,” Mika said, continuing up the pathway undaunted, “‘M awful glad ya haven’t forgotten ‘bout me yet.”

Though he tried to hide, it was still pretty easy to catch Shu’s feathers bristling up. “Don’t avoid the question! Why have you returned? You should have had everything you needed when I sent you off. Why come crawling back like this?”

“I ain’t crawlin’ at all. I’m walkin’ fine, see?” Mika shook his formerly injured leg as a demonstration. “I healed up nice an’ good thanks to ya, so it weren’t no trouble. Only reason it took so long was ‘cause I couldnt’ find th’ way.”

“Stop making jokes about this-”

“Not jokin’ either. It was real important t’ me, gettin’ back here. Yer sayin’ it like I messed up or somethin’.”

There was a long moment before Shu finally muttered, “Fine. But you haven’t answered my question yet.” Mika could barely hear a sigh, before Shu repeated again, “Why are you here, Kagehira?”

“Ehehe,” he laughed, mostly at himself, “‘Cause I wanna be, of course. Do I need another reason?”

Having his own words repeated seemed to throw Shu for a moment. Once it passed, though, he shot back, almost exploding, “Are you a glutton for punishment? Is that it? I can’t fathom any other explanation for why you’d willingly-”

“Mm. I know. Ya don’t get it at all, right, Teach?” Mika smiled. This much pushback, he’d already been prepared for. “But that’s okay. I know I didn’t do a good job explainin’ before.” He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling a little sheepish. “Or, actu’lly... I didn’t think I oughta say it plain. Felt too selfish, when you were doin’ so much fer me.”

“What...?” Shu hesitated, then pushed the door open a little further. “What are you talking about?”

Although he’d done his best to get ready for this, it was hard to say outright after all. Mika hardly knew where the right place to start was. If it was possible to condense everything he felt and thought into sentences Shu could understand.

“...Ya asked me then what was so important I’d wanna stay here,” Mika said, doing his best to put one word after the other, “Even if it meant given’ up a buncha other stuff, right?” He saw Shu’s head nod, just once. Heart tight, he screwed up all the courage he had, and admitted, “You are, Teach. I wanted t’ stay fer you. I came back fer you. I like Miss Maddie a whole lot, too, but... yer special.”

The silence that stretched out in the wake of his admission seemed to muffle the whole world. Mika hated how far apart they were right now. He could hardly see anything of Shu - whether his wings ruffled at the admission, or if his tail was lashing around all agitated, or coiled tight and defensive instead. Then Shu suddenly snorted, and drew further back inside again. “Right. Because I saved you, yes? I already told you, if that’s it-”

“It’s not! It’s nowhere close t’ why!” In one big surge, frustration finally won out over nervousness. Mika found himself starting to ramble, the words getting out faster than he could think of them, “Yer so, so smart, Teach! Sometimes the stuff ya say is kinda mean, sure, but I think it’s cool how ya say everythin’ yer thinkin’ straight out. An’ yer nice, too. Way nicer than ya think. Ya taught me all kindsa things when ya didn’t have to, an’ went out lookin’ for me even though you were scared, an’ kept takin’ care of me after I messed up over an’ over...” He swallowed, still feeling like he wasn’t getting it out right. His feelings were bigger than this. They burned so much brighter than a few examples could get across. “Every day... every second I got t’ spend with ya, I was so happy I thought I might die. I’m n-not... really tryin’ ta repay ya at all. I’m only thinkin’ of myself. ‘Cause I really… don’t think I’ll ever be this happy with anyone else.”

It felt like a betrayal, somehow, to admit that. Not of that boy, who had no doubt forgotten him a long time ago, but of the hope and yearning which had kept him alive this long. Maybe that was really why he had offered to forget it, despite Shu not asking him to. Better to shut it and everything he felt about it away completely than to admit the full extent of his own ingratitude and need - that having his old wish fulfilled wouldn’t be enough anymore, if it meant leaving Shu behind.

A choked noise escaped through the crack in the door, loud enough to draw Mika’s alarm. “Th-that’s… a mistake,” Shu said, as Mika heard the slight click of his claws against the floor moving further away, “Nothing you’ve described is anything special. It’s foolish to throw your life away for such a cheap reason.”

Mika flinched at the dismissal - but only until it registered that harsh as those words were, Shu wasn’t telling him to leave. Even if he was just hearing what he wanted to… it bolstered him. “Callin’ it a mistake, or cheap… why do ya get t’ decide that for me?”, he asked, taking another few steps towards the doorway. “Aren’t I th’ one who gets to decide that?”

“But you - you admit that you haven’t much experience. You don’t know how much is out there in the world. You can’t possibly know what you’re missing. What you’re giving up for this.”

“Don’t care. I don’t needta do all that t’ be sure.” He walked up the small flight of stairs without pause. “I already know that I could go wanderin’ all over this whole world, an’ I’d never find anyone like ya, Teach.” This smile came easily. As nerve-wracking as this might be, there was some relief in actually getting it all out. “So it makes more sense t’ stay here instead, don’t it?”

The door didn’t slam shut. Shu didn’t yell at him to get back. Mika waited a moment at the threshold, just in case, but there wasn’t a single word of protest. Instead, when he finally put a hand to it, that door opened for him as well. Shu had backed up almost to the stairs, where he remained crouched low and tense, tail coiled tight around his hind legs. With no small amount of alarm, Mika realized his feathers had gotten awfully bedraggled, like maybe he’d been picking at himself. And were some of his claws chipped...?

“Teach...” Mika said, then decided against commenting. Saying anything would probably make Shu feel embarrassed. Instead, he slipped the bag he’d carried all this way from his shoulders to set on the floor. “Look, I brought ya somethin’ too.” Still, Shu said nothing. Only watched, eyes wide and uncertain, as Mika opened the bag to pull out a dark blue cloak. It was still pretty simple compared to the sorts of clothes laying around the castle, he knew. No real elaborate finishes, and it was a little crumpled from being packed up so long. All he could do now was hold it out in offering.

“I know somethin’ fancier would suit ya better,” he admitted, kneeling down a few feet away from Shu. Close enough to be within reach. “But I’ll keep practicin’ hard, so anythin’ ya want, I’ll learn how t’ make for ya. Even if it takes years an’ years, or the whole rest of my life.”

Shu stared at the cloak, the feathers on the back of his neck bristled. He brushed a very careful claw against the edge of it. Then inched a little closer to take a look at the thick lavender ribbon Mika had settled on for the tie. Despite the situation, he still kind of expected to get a good critiquing. But Shu said nothing of the sort. His eyes glistened with focus as he took in each detail, breathing in and out with steady deliberation.

“Why...?”, he finally asked, hardly more than a whisper, “Why would you… go this far?”

Mika smiled. That question, at least, he could answer nice and easy. “‘Cause I love ya, Teach. An’ this is th’ best way I could come up with t’ show ya how much.”

The answer appeared to settle on Shu like a shroud. He trembled slightly under its weight, head low. “I...” Shu hunched in on himself further, not moving closer or away. “I can’t accept this.”

“...Oh.” His smile took a hit, but it wasn’t like Mika hadn’t expected that kind of response. He quickly tried to assure, “That’s okay, I know ya already got yer Nito-”

“I’ll hurt you.” Mika blinked at the interruption, taken aback by how Shu said it, as much as the words themselves. Like something he was pulling out of himself, the way you were supposed to make yourself throw up when you ate poison. “I’ve already... hurt you so many times. Whether it’s this body or my words, despite already trying everything I can not to, I s-still...” His shoulders were shaking, his tail coiled around himself tight. “It’s as if I’m incapable of doing anything else.”

Ah... so that was it. The thing that Shu was most afraid of. A rush of concern and tenderness crashed over him, making him want to deny the whole premise. Shu hadn’t done anything bad. Every criticism he made was right, after all, and any time Mika had gotten hurt, it was mostly his own fault. But the memory of their last conversation held him back. Throwing his own feelings at Shu without a thought had only cornered him more. He didn’t want to do it again.

He settled further down instead, so he was sitting more comfortably before Shu. He let himself think about all his own wasted efforts to change. To do better. To make people like him. A small sigh escaped him, and he said quietly, “...I think I getcha. A little bit, anyway. When the same bad thing happens over an’ over, no matter how hard ya try t’ be different… makes ya feel awful hopeless.” His grip on the cloak tightened a little, a thumb rubbing anxiously against the lining. “An’ me actin’ like it wasn’t a big deal... that made ya feel worse, right?”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Shu said, which wasn’t a disagreement. Still, Mika smiled at him.

“Ehehe, thanks fer sayin’ so.” He paused, before looking Shu in the eyes. “Okay. If ya feel that bad ‘bout everythin’, why dont’cha ya start by sayin’ ‘sorry’?”

“Excuse me?”

“When ya do somethin’ wrong an’ hurt someone, that’s the first step t’ makin’ it better,” Mika explained, almost exactly like he would’ve to a little kid, “I mean, it did hurt an awful lot, gettin’ kicked out that sudden. I cried a whole bunch and everything.”

Shu flinched, and started by stammering, “I... I thought it was for the best! Frankly, I’m still not certain it wasn’t.” But Mika kept looking at him expectantly, until some of the tension went out of his shoulders, and he said more softly, “But I... do apologize for how I handled it. I could have... found a less callous way...”

“Mm, it’s okay. I forgive ya.” Then Mika grinned and gave Shu a light pat on the head. “There! ‘S all good now.”

Right away, Shu gave him a flat look back. “How? An apology means nothing if I can’t change my behavior.”

“But ya just did! Ya’ve never said sorry t’ me before.” That made Shu blink owlishly at him, before his feathers fluffed up in obvious embarrassment. Mika’s grin widened, and he scooted a little closer. “You can do anythin’, Teach. I’m sure of it. If ya wanna change, ya can do that too. An’ I’ll help ya, however I can.”

“That’s far too uncertain! I could still... I could do something to you that can’t be repaired. It’s only a matter of luck that I haven’t yet.” Shu curled his claws inward again, tight enough to hide them completely. 

Mika hummed, tilting his head a little. “I guess? But that could happen anywhere. I could get a brick dropped on my head an’ have it split open, or I could spook a bear in th’ woods and it’d tear my guts out, or-”

“Why are your examples so grisly...?”

“‘Cause that’s what happens. People get hurt all the time, all over the place. Real bad. Even before I met ya, I coulda died just ‘cause it was cold, an’ I was lost.” As Shu kept looking at him like he’d grown a second head, Mika reached over to neaten some of the feathers on his cheek, combing them back into position. “Ya keep sayin’ ya don’t wanna hurt me, but... ya saved my life twice, too. I know fer a fact that I’d be hurtin’ a whole lot worse without ya.”

That seemed to resonate, at least a little. Shu’s eyes shimmered with something like understanding, and he didn’t draw away from Mika’s touch at all. “Kagehira...” he started to say, before pausing and dropping his eyes again, “Is that... really what you want? Would spending your life with such a difficult creature truly make you happy?”

“Hmm... well, let’s see.” Mika unfolded the cloak, and knelt up to wrap it around Shu’s shoulders. Shu started for a moment... but he didn’t budge. He merely shifted enough to let the fabric settle on him more comfortably, and to push his wings through the slits Mika had made for them, while Mika tied the ribbon around his neck. Ahh, exactly as he thought, the color was perfect on him! Mika couldn’t help clapping his hands together and giggling. “Ehehe, yep, I’m sure. I’m super, super happy right now, Teach!”

Was it belief that flooded Shu’s eyes and made them shine? Mika wasn’t sure. He only got a quick look before Shu suddenly pressed much closer to him, curling his long neck around Mika’s shoulder. He was still being careful to keep his claws away, but his front legs were long enough to wrap around Mika and hold him close without using the talons. He let out a long, shuddering breath, and Mika worried for a moment that he was going to start crying.

“Thank you,” he said, voice raspy, “Thank you for coming back.” He squeezed Mika tighter, enveloping him almost completely in soft downy feathers. “I swear, I’ll do everything I can to deserve your feelings.”

Mika tried to protest that he already deserved them, but all that came out of his mouth was a flustered squawk. His face was burning - it had to be bright red. Was it okay to hug Shu back? How far could he get his arms around him, anyway? He had just lifted his hands when he realized something. The white feathers in front of his eyes were glowing - not a trick of the light, but really and truly lit up all by themselves. And the figure in his arms was getting smaller. Very quickly at that. “H-hey, what’s goin’ on? Are you okay? What’s…” Alarm shot through Mika, and he could do nothing but fumble to grab hold of Shu, suddenly terrified he might melt away into nothing.

Before he knew it, the glow faded. He felt no more wings on Shu’s back. There was skin pressed against him, not feathers, and soft hands clutching at his back instead of claws. The voice that said “Kagehira?” into his ear was the same, and when he pulled back Mika could see familiar violet eyes staring back at him, full of tears and disbelief. But everything else about the person in front of him was that of a complete stranger.

Chapter Text

Mika sat quietly on a lounge seat in one of the reading rooms, watching from a safe distance as the man who kept calling himself Shu wrote something at a nearby desk. His back was turned, and the only sound in the room was of his pen scribbling on parchment. As the minutes stretched on, Mika struggled not to blink. He feared if he did, this form would change or disappear too, and then he’d lose what little sense of reality he was holding on to.

If not for Mademoiselle, he wouldn’t have been able to do even that. She was the greatest reassurance he had, sitting on the desk next to that man, watching him with such a fond smile… it was clear she had no doubt at all. Mika might be stupid and could hardly trust his own eyes half the time, but there was no way Mademoiselle would confuse Shu for a stranger. In fact, she had recognized him right away. As if she had sensed the transformation herself, mere minutes after it happened, she had come running on her little legs and called out to Shu with obvious relief before jumping up to hug him.

After seeing that, Mika had tried to hone in on the few points he still recognized. The eyes were the same. The voice was the same. He clung to those scant details with all of his might, using them as a foothold to process what exactly had happened.

They had both given him an explanation, once the initial joy had passed and they realized that Mika was too confused to share it. While Shu left briefly to put on some proper clothes, Mademoiselle told him the whole story right there, sitting with him on the staircase. A curse had been behind Shu’s transformation into that other creature - it had been cast on him years ago, just as he had started making a name for himself as a talented mage. No one was quite sure who had been behind it, but it had been impossible to break all this time.

“How could no one know who did that to ya?”, Mika asked, looking over as Shu rejoined them. “Ain’t somethin’ like that a real big deal?” He tried not to be hurt that Shu wasn’t wearing the cloak he’d made for him anymore. It had been made with a completely different shape in mind, after all. There was no way it’d still fit right.

“It would have been very difficult to trace in the first place, and I was not careful about making enemies back then. A proper investigation would’ve required I remain in the public eye as well, despite no guarantee of successfully tracking the source,” he explained, his tone very carefully measured, “I was… not in a condition where I could’ve tolerated such scrutiny. Thus, my family decided I would be sequestered here, where no further damage could be done.”

‘No further damage to who?’, is what Mika wanted to ask, a prickly kind of discomfort crawling under his skin. However Shu put it, it still sounded like his family had decided to hide him away instead of help. “...Is that what ya wanted?”

Shu didn’t say anything for a while. Then, a bit quietly, he said, “I didn’t fight the decision.” Despite all his own uncertainty and struggle to keep up, hearing that familiar voice speak so softly and evasively made him want to take Shu’s hands and squeeze them tight. But Shu kept talking before he could stand up. “And Nito initially joined me here as well. I thought… with enough time together, it was inevitable for the curse to break…”

It was hard not to stiffen at the mention of that name. Mika tried to keep his tone purely curious when he asked, “He could do magic too?”

“To an extent. But that’s not why…” Shu’s cheeks turned a faint pink, and he looked away. Mika wished he wouldn’t. He wanted so badly to keep those eyes in his field of vision. They were the sole point of familiarity he had to rely on. “Rather, a curse like this, which warps the body completely, it… it can only be broken by connecting with the hear- with the core of the person in question. That requires a certain level of… oh, how do I put this? Perhaps a-affection - no, no, it goes deeper than such flippancies. Understanding might be more apt, or perhaps trust…” He was mumblinginto his hand while he talked, and Mika wasn’t sure if he was hearing him totally right. Then Shu coughed suddenly and straightened back up. “R-regardless, the point is that it wasn’t something I could do alone. I needed someone else to break it for me.”

Mademoiselle chuckled at his rambling, but Mika couldn’t find it funny. All he could think was about how the person Shu loved, the one he was counting on to save him, left him alone here instead. Exactly like his family had. Mika bit the inside of his mouth to keep the grimy, bitter feelings that thought inspired from slipping past his own lips. He’d already promised Shu that he wouldn’t say anything bad about that Nito. 

Before he could think of anything nicer to say, though, Shu walked over to where he sat with Mademoiselle. “After he left… I truly thought I was going to spend the rest of my life like that,” Shu said, as he took Mika’s hands in his own. They were big, and warm, and held on to him firmly. Mika remembered one-sidedly grabbing cold talons instead, and suppressed a shiver at how strange the difference was. “I didn’t dare imagine anyone else could… care for me in such a way. I can’t begin to express how thankful I am.”

It was not the clearest explanation. Mika still wasn’t sure what it was about his feelings that had actually helped - all he understood was that they had , in a way Shu’s family and the person he loved best couldn’t. So… maybe he didn’t need to understand. He’d been useful. Exactly what Shu needed. What else could possibly matter? Finally, he managed to make himself smile. “Ya don’t gotta thank me, Teach,” he said, squeezing Shu’s hands back. “Carin’ about ya is super easy.”

Seeing a smile on Shu’s face - even this unfamiliar version - was strange. He focused on the eyes instead, how they narrowed while simulteneously softening at the edges.

Then Mademoiselle tapped Shu’s hand and told him that he ought to let his family know what happened too. And now here they all were, clustered not-quite together, while Mika continued trying to get used to the new sight of him.

It wasn’t like he looked bad as a human or anything. On the contrary, the longer Mika stared, the more he thought Shu might well be one of the most beautiful people he’d ever seen in his life. He was long-limbed and elegant, with a poise that made every gesture graceful. His features were sharp and slightly intimidating, contrasting nicely with his soft, fluffy hair. And the way he held himself while sitting - perfectly straight and dignified, like it hadn’t been years since he’d last been able to sit in a chair - left Mika unable to take his eyes off him.

But… he’d been beautiful before, too, in a different way. Knowing Mika was the reason why that beauty was gone and wouldn’t come back… it left him with a strangely guilty feeling.

“Alright,” Shu said, setting his pen down and flexing his hand a few times. “I suppose that’s enough to start with.” He turned to Mika, who jolted up into a less sloppy sitting position. “You asked once how I might send a letter from here, yes? Would you like to watch?”

“Ngah? Oh - yeah, sure!” Deep down, it was a relief to hear Shu talk about stuff that happened between them before. More proof it really was the same person in front of him. He hopped up and over to Shu’s side, eager to get a look at whatever he might do. He noticed Shu’s eyes narrowing before he realized Shu was smiling too.

“Alright. It’s a fairly simple spell,” he explained, as he folded the letter into an envelope. Once it was sealed, he flipped it and drew a circle on the front, then filled it with some kind of star-like pattern… and then filled that with a bunch of other lines and swirls, fast enough to make Mika’s head spin. The whole process was mesmerizing, to the point where Mika almost missed how the ink changed color and started to glow as Shu worked. When Shu finally lifted his pen, the light fully consumed the envelope, melting it into a pink, shining bird. It flapped its wings, lifting itself from the table, before darting around Mika once and taking off through a nearby window, leaving only a momentary streak of light behind.

Mika gaped. “ That’s a simple spell?”

“Well, the base rune is,” Shu said, sounding very pleased indeed. “However, by adding further detail and refinement, you can make what could have been an ordinary message delivery into proper art.” He let his gaze linger on the still-fading trail, before his mouth tightened slightly. “It was not my best piece, though. What little I’ve been able to do the last few years has been more workmanlike by necessity. I truly have a great deal of practice to catch back up on.

The wistfulness in his eyes stuck on Mika’s heart like a burr. “Er, um… does that mean yer plannin’ on goin’ back…?”

“I’ll have to at some point. Once my family hears of this, I’m certain they’ll want me to show my face at the main estate. I certainly don’t want the last impression everyone has of me to be that thing , either.”

“Shu, dear,” Mademoiselle said, tugging at his sleeve, “I think Mika’s asking because he’s worried.”

Shu blinked, clearly startled by the idea. “Worried? About what?”

“Ngah - that is - it’s nothin’ too big,” Mika tried to explain, waving his hands in denial, “Just, um, wonderin’… should I watch th’ house for ya while yer gone? O-or, uh, would ya rather I wait back in th’ village…?”

The confusion on Shus’s face deepened as he leaned in towards Mika and asked, “Kagehira, what are you saying? Obviously you’d accompany us.”

“Eh…?” His hands lowered, hovering uncertainly by his waist. ”But… ya’d be goin’ t’ see yer family, right…?”

“Of course. How else would I introduce you to them?” Again, Shu took Mika’s wavering hands into his own, rubbing the knuckles very gently with his thumbs. “I want everyone to know what you’ve done for me. I’ve no intention of going without you.” And then he dipped his head forward to press a kiss to the backs of Mika’s hands.

That was too much for Mika’s heart! He yelped, stepping a few hasty paces backwards, certain his face must be brick red already. “G-geeze, Teach,” Mika laughed, avoiding his eyes, “What’s with all th’ touchy-feely stuff?” The Shu he was used to didn’t mind being touched, but even when he initiated, it was never so… so blatantly affectionate.

“W-well… I suppose I am being rather forward,” Shu muttered, looking a little uncomfortable. At least, Mika thought that was what his stiff expression meant? It was hard to tell, without the usual signs like his tail and feathers to offer more clues. Maybe he was actually annoyed instead. “Perhaps I’m a bit overexcited… if that was too much, I apologize.” 

“Ah - er - I mean, I didn’t mind it, ‘xactly…” Mika fiddled his fingers together sheepishly. That was an understatement. If anything, it was embarrassing that such a small gesture left his heart feeling like it was about to burst. The place where Shu’s lips had pressed to his skin still felt all warm and prickly, and he had to hold back from kissing it himself right then and there.  “I- I’m just, y’know… still gettin’ used t’ all this.”

“You don’t need to explain. I should have been more mindful of your comfort.” Although he said that, he did look relieved. His shoulders dropped and his hands relaxed out of their momentary fists. There was another small smile on his face when he said, “There’s no rush, after all. We can go as slowly as you’d like.”

Despite everything, hearing that allowed the knot in his stomach to loosen. Sort of, anyway. “Thank ya kindly,” he said, nodding gratefully. He was with the person he loved. He was allowed to stay. As long as that was the case, then Mika was sure he could adjust to any changes.

“Okay, but,” Mika mumbled into his pillow, burying his face so deep he could hardly hear beyond it, “Ain’t there a few too many changes goin’ on all at once here…?”

They just kept hitting him one after the other! Right from the first night after Mika’s return - for dinner, Shu had not only cooked alongside Mademoiselle right in front of him, but then joined them both at the table afterwards so they could eat together. Then he had escorted Mika up to his bedroom, and came to fetch him first thing the next morning too so they could also share breakfast. It was nice to spend that time together, but… he couldn’t tell why it was suddenly okay now. Was it that it’d been too embarrassing to eat in front of other people in that other form? Or did he feel less shy now that Mika had made his own feelings clear? Or was something else different, and Mika hadn’t figured it out yet? He really didn’t know. 

And then whenever they were together, which was pretty much all the time now, there were so many things Shu wanted to do and talk about with him, Mika’s head was stuffed to the brim well before noon. He kept asking if there was anything Mika wanted, making all kinds of promises to fulfill any request. It was really nice and sweet, but it all left Mika with a kind of heavy feeling. Like he’d eaten too much and was struggling to keep it all down. Shu went so far as offering to make Mika his own set of clothes for their trip to visit his family, which Mika had bashfully agreed to, and then to paint a portrait of him, which Mika had managed to somehow stammer his way into rejecting. 

And Shu kept! Touching him! Every chance he got! When Mika least expected it, there would be a hand around his waist, or cupping his cheek, or taking his own into a warm grip. Any time Mika sat down, Shu would take a seat right next to him, although there was usually plenty of room elsewhere. Then he’d start adjusting Mika’s posture, or directing his face towards his own, or idly stroke his hair. It never ended!

By the time each day drew to a close, Mika could hardly do anything but collapse into bed and try to calm down. What part of all that was ‘going slow’, huh?? And… was Shu gonna act like that in front of his family too? That’d be way too embarrassing! Even when it was the three of them, Mika could already barely take it!

…Not that he didn’t like it. If anything, the problem was that he liked it too much, and being way too obvious about it. There was no way Shu couldn’t tell how flustered he kept getting over every little thing. It was just that…

Mika squeezed his pillow tighter, daring to lift his face from it enough to peek over towards his bedroom door. It was just that… when he came up here, he thought he understood what the possible outcomes were. Either Shu would reject him and make him leave for good, or he’d hear Mika out and let him stay. If he was allowed to stay, then the best case scenario would be everything going back to normal. They’d keep living side-by-side, and Shu would teach him more things, while Mika made more stuff for Shu in return and got better at not making him mad, and Mademoiselle would look after both of them. If that had been how things played out, he’d know for sure how to act. He would’ve understood what was expected of him.

Right now… he really didn’t have any clue at all.

Mika squeezed his pillow tighter, and tried to take a few deep breaths. He couldn’t keep getting worked up like this. All it did was mess up his time with Shu. And besides, Shu was happy! That was a good thing. The most important thing in the whole world. However Shu wanted to act didn’t matter - it was Mika’s job to keep up with him. He wasn’t going to get used to it at all if he kept hiding up here whenever he got overwhelmed.

With a firm nod, he sat up and swung his legs over the side of his bed. The sky was already pitch-black outside the windows, but he didn’t think it was all that late - Shu and Mademoiselle might still be awake. And if they were, he’d rather be with them than be alone. A lot of other things might’ve changed, but that feeling hadn’t.

He didn’t usually wander around on his own like this, especially after dark. It was kind of fun to see how spooky the castle looked at night, with the torches along the walls lighting the way. Everything seemed bigger like this, all the shadows stretched and wavering as firelight flickered on either side, and made him second guess the route he was taking more than once. Mika was still trying to figure out the right way to Shu’s bedroom, when he was surprised by finding a completely different room all lit up instead. His heart lurched up into his throat, and only calmed when he realized he could hear Shu’s voice coming from it, followed by a soft reply from Mademoiselle.

They were still awake, then. Perfect! Mika didn’t hesitate to poke his head inside where, sure enough, the two of them were both huddled over a desk together. “Teach? Miss Maddie? Whaddya doin’ in here?”

Shu almost fell out of his chair, he whirled around so fast. “Kagehira! Don’t call out so abruptly. I could have pricked myself.”

“Ehehe, sorry,” he said, grinning as he took another step into the room. The scolding at least was familiar enough to make him feel better. “But wouldn’t knockin’ be pretty sudden too?” With Shu sitting up straighter, he could see what they’d been working on. A shirt, it looked like, with one cuff in Mademoiselle’s lap as she sewed a button in. 

“Fufu, don’t mind Shu. He’s only sore that you found him out like this,” Mademoiselle said, waving for him to come inside. “Please, join us. Are you having trouble sleeping?”

“Mm, a little.” Mika did as she asked and strolled right over to the desk too, clasping his hands behind his back while casting a curious eye at the splayed-out cloth, “I could ask ya th’ same thing, though. How come yer still workin’ this late, Teach?”

Shu’s cheeks turned a faint pink. “The sooner I finish, the sooner we may get this chore of a visit over with,” he said, in a haughty tone that allowed Mika to relax further. He really did sound most like ‘Shu’ when he talked like that. “Besides, I’ll admit I’m quite eager to put you in something flattering for once. I truly detested having to let you wear so much secondhand.”

“Aww, I didn’t mind. But I’m glad I won’t haveta meet yer parents like that. They gotta be real fancy folks, yeah?”, he asked, scratching his cheek lightly.

Shu raised an eyebrow and waved a hand in an arc around them. “I’m certain you can gauge for yourself the level of wealth and propriety we’re accustomed to.”

“No kiddin’.” Mika took another look around the room. Even one like this - a guest room that hadn’t been used properly in years - was still adorned with fine tapestries and obviously expensive decorations. He rubbed his arm, self-conscious at how out of place he looked. And if this castle was a place that the family barely used, he couldn’t imagine how much worse the main estate would be. “Um. Ya sure ya wanna bring me with ya fer this…? I know it’s been a long time since ya seen yer folks, an’ I don’t wanna embarrass ya…”

“Of course I’m sure. What is there to be embarrassed over anyway? I’ve been living like an animal for years, your conduct cannot be any worse than that.”

“Besides, I’m sure everyone will want to thank you, Mika,” Mademoiselle said, smiling brightly. “They may be old-fashioned, but the Itsuki family wouldn’t be so ungrateful that they’d fuss more over manners than the fact that you’ve helped Shu a great deal.”

Mika nodded slowly, not really sure how he felt about that either. All he’d done was what he wanted - the fact that what he wanted happened to be what was needed to break the curse was an accident. Accepting gratitude for that… didn’t seem right.

“...Hey, ya still didn’t answer my first question, though,” Mika said, suddenly anxious to change the subject. Letting weird feelings like that linger was the exact opposite of what he left his room for. “How come you two are workin’ in here an’ not yer own room, Teach?”

“Ah, that…” Shu hesitated, then admitted, “Truthfully, I’ve been sleeping here the last few nights. I’m considering moving my belongings as well.”

“Ngah? After we spent all that time cleanin’ up yer room… how come ya wanna switch now?”

“It feels a bit… improper. Considering Nito’s portrait is there.” He sighed, a troubled look in his eyes. “I don’t think I can bring myself to throw it away yet. Nor do I know where else I ought to put it. But sleeping in the same room with it like that… no longer seems right to me.”

“...’Cause of me?”, Mika couldn’t help but ask, already telling himself that was stupid. Obviously Shu must have some other reason. 

Instead of denying it, though, Shu tossed his head and said, “If you would consent to a portrait as well, I could at least have one of both of you. I don’t know why you must insist on making things difficult.”

Heat burst in Mika’s cheeks at the mere suggestion. “Nuh-uh! Ya can’t! It’d be way too weird, havin’ picture a’ me that big hangin’ around. Just thinkin’ about it gives me th’ willies.”

“What other choice do I have, then? Can you honestly say that you wouldn’t mind if I continued to moon and pine over another person’s picture, while you’re here?”

Mika chose not to mention that Shu had, in fact, been doing exactly that most of the time he had been staying here. But he still didn’t understand why it was suddenly an issue now. He fidgeted, glancing away uneasily. “...I don’t wanna stop ya from doin’ what ya want, Teach.”

“Then it is fortunate for us both that what I want is to take steps towards moving on,” Shu said, a sense of finality in his tone.

That… should be a good thing, right? It wasn’t like Mika wanted Shu to be heartsick forever over a person who abandoned him. Yet it hadn’t been long ago that Shu had said he didn’t want a replacement for Nito. Or that Mika absolutely, definitely couldn’t be one. So, why… why was he suddenly talking like it was one or the other? What was he trying to move on from, or towards? If it was really for Mika’s sake, was this… another way of showing gratitude? Or good manners? He really didn’t get it at all.

“Kagehira? Are you alright?”, Shu asked, taking his hand again and drawing his attention out of his thoughts, “You look unwell.”

“Um…” Mika’s eyes flickered over to Shu’s face. Should he ask? But Nito was always such a sore spot… and he didn’t really know what exactly he wanted to ask. What kind of answer he hoped to get. After a moment, he offered a sheepish smile and laughed. “Ehehe, ‘m okay. A lil’ tired, mostly.”

The excuse didn’t seem to convince Shu completely, but he didn’t try to push any harder. “In that case, why not get some rest here? I intend to stay up a while longer, so the bed will be free until then.”

Anxiety over being a burden warred briefly with the intense desire the possibility stoked in him. Desire won hands down. “If ya really don’t mind… make sure ya wake me up when ya wanna use it, okay? I’ll go back t’ my room then.”

Shu made a noise that might have been an agreement, then stood to lead Mika over to the bed by the hand. It wasn’t necessary - the light wasn’t that dim - but it was nice. Familiar. A little like how Shu would let him keep a hand on his back for balance in his other form. Before he could say anything about it, though, Shu turned and pressed a small kiss to his forehead. “Sleep well, Kagehira,” he said, smiling again as he ran his fingers through Mika’s hair.

“Uh huh! You too,” Mika squawked, although that made no sense, and crawled under the blankets as soon as possible. Nope. He still wasn’t getting anywhere near used to this.

Despite Mika’s hopes and Shu’s assurances, nothing slowed down after that either. A letter arrived from Shu’s parents in a similar, if less pretty, fashion a few days later. The clothes Shu wanted him to wear were finished shortly after that, too quick for Mika to offer his own help with them. And then all they had to do to go visit was use the mirror in the cellar. No need for lengthy travel at all! Which was! Great!

The one bit of relief was that the mirror had a twin at his family’s main estate, so they would be able to return quickly as well. Apparently, that was how they sent Shu food and supplies over the years of separation. When Shu explained, Mika couldn’t stop himself from asking, “How ‘bout usin’ it ta visit ya?”

“...I wasn’t pleasant company,” Shu said, without looking at him, “Especially once Nito left. They ceased wasting their time on such pointless gestures not long after.”

The more Mika learned about them, the more he thought that he didn’t like the Itsuki family very much.  Still… Shu wanted to go see them. He was adamant about that. And the sooner they got this over with, the sooner they could go home together.

“Alright, Kagehira,” Shu said, straightening the slim green ribbon decorating Mika’s collar, “Are you certain you have everything packed?”

“Yep, right here,” Mika said, patting the leather bag in his hand with a firm assurance, before looking down at Mademoiselle in his arms, “An’ how ‘bout you, Miss Maddie? Ya ready t’ go?”

“Quite! It’ll be lovely to see everyone again.”

“Lovely or not, it’s certainly overdue.” Shu’s mouth tightened, before letting go of Mika so he could carry her instead. It was hard to tell exactly how he was feeling, but… surely he must be nervous, right? Anyone would be, seeing family they’d been separated from for so long, for such a lousy reason. Once Shu had Mademoiselle settled comfortably in one arm, Mika mustered up the nerve to reach over and take Shu’s free hand himself.

“Ehehe… ‘s kinda nerve-wrackin’, huh?” Mika grinned, knowing Shu wouldn’t want to admit to feeling that way himself. Shu blinked, then smiled and squeezed back.

“Mm. A bit. But once it’s over, it’ll be a weight off.” Or maybe not. Although it was brief, it still took a second for Mika’s head to recalibrate what he expected against how Shu actually acted. He almost stumbled from the distraction while Shu led them through the piles of unsorted junk to the mirror. 

When Mika saw it again, he couldn’t help but squeeze Shu’s hand tighter. He remembered too well how things had gone last time they came here. If anything, the sheer disparity between the two situations almost made him wonder whether he’d dreamed one of them up. 

If one was a dream, he found himself questioning, which would he rather be real? A fairy tale he’d read not so long ago came to mind, where a woodsman dropped an axe in a pond, and was offered either a gold or silver axe as a replacement. His stomach squirmed at the recollection, and glanced sideways at Shu. Which was the real Shu - the mythical-looking creature that snapped and yelled but cared fervently through every swing of mood, or the beautiful human who smiled all the time and kept trying to shower him with affection and gratitude? Or was there a third ‘real one’ that Mika was missing somehow, too dazzled by the possibilities in front of him?

“Kagehira, now’s no time for idling,” Shu scolded lightly. Too light. It didn’t sound right at all. “Are you ready or not?”

For a second, Mika wondered if Shu would put it off if he really asked him to. If he said he needed more time to prepare for this. Maybe. The way he was now, it felt like he’d give Mika almost anything he asked for. But… how could he do that? Shu hadn’t seen his family in years. How could Mika ask him to wait a few more days, when it probably wouldn’t actually help his nerves much?

He took a breath, and found the nerve to thread their fingers together. “Yeah, I’m ready. Just… y’know. A lil’ bit antsy.”

“It’s alright. We’ll stay together the whole time, I promise.” Another squeeze. Mika couldn’t bring himself to return it. If he did, he knew he wouldn’t be able to loosen his grip again. Instead, he smiled up at Shu, and faced forward when he did. The surface of the mirror started to shift in a way Mika recognized. Shu took the first step through, his grip on Mika’s hand firm and reassuring as they crossed through the wavering silver.

He really couldn’t get used to how it felt, travelling like that. Mika had to blink and shake his head a few times before his head could wrap around their new surroundings. Another bedroom, Mika realized, with some confusion. A bright one with tall windows, decorated with a lot of maroon trappings.

“We’re not in th’ foyer?”, he asked hesitantly.

Shu glanced around, frowning slightly. “It appears not. I suppose they wanted to make sure I arrived discreetly. Perhaps they worried I might still look odd.”

“Ya don’t,” Mika said, right away, “Yer super pretty, Teach, even like this.”

“Well… thank you,” Shu said, with a raised eyebrow, “Though I do have to wonder what exactly you mean by ‘even like this’.” Mika blushed, looking down and dropping Shu’s hand. Was he annoyed? Disappointed? Shu was smiling, but Mika knew all too well that smiling didn’t mean anything. He had to keep himself from looking behind Shu for a tail that might give him a better clue. Instead, Shu simply patted his shoulder and said, “Let’s see where everyone is. It’s quite rude of them to ask me here and not greet us, after all.”

Mika nodded, relieved to be off the hook, and set the pack down on the bed before following Shu out into the hall. 

For better or worse, they didn’t have to go too far. A maid was waiting by the door to welcome them - she paused to take a brief look-over at Shu, before smiling and explaining that his family was waiting in the drawing room. Despite all his misgivings, Mika still wanted to make a good first impression, so he held his tongue and tried to hold his head up the way Shu did. But the further they went through the unfamiliar building, the more he couldn’t help pressing closer to Shu’s side. No matter what, meeting strangers was always scary… and these particular strangers were really important… what would he do if they didn’t like him? What would Shu do?

At least the drawing room was nice looking. The walls were a cream color that looked cozy and bright in the midday sun, and there were lots of plants in vases decorating the room. Taking a deep breath, Mika found he could smell them. That helped calm him down a little. Enough that he could finally let himself look at the four people gathered in the room already.

Not one of them was looking at him. They all had eyes for Shu alone. The older woman, who Mika assumed was his mother, moved first. “Oh, Shu… it’s really you, isn’t it?”, she said, standing from the white sofa she’d been waiting on, half-lurching towards him with a hand outstretched.

“Of course it is. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten what I look like after only a few years,” Shu said, sounding too defensive to be considered joking.

She didn’t seem to notice, too busy touching his face like she might find the edge of a mask somewhere. A younger man whistled and joined her in crowding him, measuring their heights with his hand, “Look at that - did you get taller again as well? I wasn’t sure if you’d keep growing in that state.”

“Why wouldn’t I? It was still me,” Shu snapped, and got his hair ruffled for it. Then the other two joined in as well, everyone talking over each other and asking a bunch of questions at once. Mika quietly drew back, trying to give them all space. His hands wrung uselessly by his chest. He wished he was still holding Mademoiselle - she must be uncomfortable, being stuck in the middle of all that. But he didn’t dare interrupt the reunion.

Watching it all unfold, he really didn’t know how to feel. It seemed weird that they’d be acting so concerned and affectionate now, after abandoning Shu for so long. He briefly imagined what it’d be like if his own parents suddenly turned up all doting and worried, and couldn’t suppress a shudder of disgust. 

…But then, they weren’t his family. They were Shu’s, and it wasn’t his place to say anything about them. His job right now was to wait and follow Shu’s lead in how to react.

“Alright, alright, that’s quite enough. I’ve returned in one piece, so there’s no need for such man-handling,” Shu finally said, wrenching himself away from the small group. He took a moment to straighten his own collar, before stepping back to put himself at Mika’s side. “This is the person responsible for my salvation. Mika Kagehira. Kagehira, this is my mother and father, and my older siblings.”

Finally, they all looked at him. Mika already missed the lack of attention. “N-nice ta meetcha, sirs. Ma’ams.” The younger lady - Shu’s sister - puffed out a small laugh at his fumbling, and Mika ducked his head in embarrassment. He was already messing this up…

His mother, at least, was willing to overlook it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you as well,” she said, offering a hand in greeting. Mika took it, and gave what he hoped was a polite shake. “Thank you so much for what you’ve done for our Shu. Know that you’re welcome here any time.”

“Mm… thank ya kindly.”

“I can’t imagine how you did it,” his brother said, and though he mostly sounded curious, Mika felt his own hackles raise slightly. “I mean, he didn’t have a great track record making friends, no matter how he looked.”

Being called Shu’s ‘friend’ only sat worse with Mika. He didn’t know what the right word for their relationship was, but that definitely wasn’t it. With more steel than he’d intended, Mika retorted, “It wasn’t hard at all. Teach is real nice, an’ he helped me out a ton.”

“‘Teach’?” His brother raised an eyebrow at Shu, barely hiding a smirk behind his hand. “Do you seriously have them all call you that?”

“...Ngah?” Mika blinked and turned towards Shu too, “What’s he talkin’ about?” 

To his surprise, Shu’s face had turned very red. He looked away from Mika and sniffed. “Th-that isn’t the case at all! They each came up with the term on their own, I never told them to call me any particular way.” With a toss of his head, he insisted, “I cannot help that I evidently have a scholarly aura in any form.”

Although he still wasn’t quite sure what the issue was, Mika quickly affirmed, “Mm, that’s right!” Any chance to support Shu was something he couldn’t miss. “Teach is super smart! An’ he taught me a lot while I been stayin’ with him. What else would I call him?”

His brother started to say “Still…”, but was cut off by their father. “It doesn’t matter. I’m sure we’re all very glad that you’ve found someone who was able to see past your… condition.” He smiled, looking at Mika with clear indulgence, “Is there anything we could do to repay you for all your trouble?”

Mika stiffened, and shook his head firmly. “Uh-uh, weren’t no trouble, sir. An’ I didn’t do it on purpose or nothin’. I really don’t need any kinda reward.” He glanced up at Shu, resisting an urge to cling onto him any closer, and muttered, “‘Sides, I mean… I feel like I already got everythin’ I could want anyway.”

All four of them turned towards Shu in unison. Their expressions seemed polite enough, but they had an amused look, like there was a joke between them that Mika wasn’t getting. “Well,” his mother said, “Isn’t that nice for you, dear?”

“It is,” Shu said, very flat, “I appreciate you acknowledging it as such.” Then, sure enough, he put a hand on Mika’s waist and pulled him closer to him. Mika felt his head bump against Shu’s shoulder weightlessly, and he had to bite the inside of his mouth to keep from flailing in front of everyone. Apparently not noticing Mika’s fluster, Shu looked around the room again and asked, “By the way… where’s Grandfather? I thought you said everyone would be home at this time.”

An uncomfortable silence descended over the room. The rest of Shu’s family exchanged uneasy looks back and forth, as if questioning which of them should answer.

Shu’s alarm spiked. His grip on Mika tightened, hard enough that Mika wondered if his fingers might leave bruises. “What is it? He didn’t - he is alright, isn’t he?”

“He’s still alive,” his sister assured, “Don’t worry about that.” 

“That said, he has fallen ill quite often the last few years.” His father crossed his arms, glancing uncomfortably towards one of the other doors. “About a week ago, he had a terrible relapse, so he hasn’t been able to leave his bed for long.”

It was painful to see Shu looking so helpless. Mika started to lift a hand to pat Shu’s back, or hold onto his arm - something that might comfort him. But then he suddenly stepped away, towards the group in front of them instead. “And why is this the first I’m hearing about it? You didn’t mention anything about his health, not once!”

“Of course we didn’t! Even if you knew, what could you have done?”, his father said, a scolding in his tone, “You were already in such a fragile state, telling you something upsetting could easily have tipped you over the edge.”

“Regardless, hiding something so important-” Shu stopped himself, putting his free hand to his forehead and breathing out harshly. “Nevermind. What’s done is done. Take me to see him, right now.”

His father’s expression softened somewhat. But his voice wasn’t much kinder when he said, “You don’t have to be so demanding. Of course I’ll take you. But if he’s sleeping, don’t go barging in - he needs his rest.”

“Of course, I know that.” Finally, he turned back towards Mika, gesturing for him to follow, “Come, Kagehira. I’ll introduce you to him as well.”

Mika relaxed more, glad he hadn’t been forgotten completely. At least until he noticed Shu’s father had started looking at him like he’d grown a second head. “Shu, be serious. You can’t possibly do that right now.”

Shu frowned back at him. “Why not? I’m certain Grandfather would like to meet him.”

“I just told you, he’s ill. It’ll be enough of a shock seeing you again. Suddenly introducing a new… companion out of the blue like this, it would be bad for his heart.” Mika liked the word ‘companion’ better than friend, but he didn’t like the noticeable pause before it. Neither did Shu - he bristled right up, despite not having feathers anymore.

“That’s nothing more than your own assumption. He never had a problem with Nito.”

“He had plenty of time to get used to Nito. At least ease him into it first.”

“You’re being absurd! There’s no reason Kagehira can’t-”

“It’s okay, Teach,” Mika said, smiling as best he could, anxious to smooth the growing friction in the air, “I don’t mind waitin’. I’m sure yer grandpa’s got stuff he’d wanna talk to you about privately anyway.”

Shu looked back at him, clearly troubled. Mademoiselle was still sitting silently in his arms, the only movement from how Shu tightened his grip on her. “...Are you sure you’re alright with that?” Mika nodded. This was something really important for Shu, so he definitely didn’t want to get in the way. Shu still didn’t look convinced, but after a few moments he nodded back. “Alright… I won’t be long.” 

With that, his father led him out of the room, and Mika was left alone with the other three. They were all smiling at him. Mika told himself they looked polite. 

“Please, sit right here, Mika,” Shu’s mother said, gesturing back towards the couch. “You must tell us more about yourself. Why don’t you start with how you happened to find our Shu?”

Mika smiled and took the offered seat. There wasn’t anything to be nervous about. It was just a conversation, with just a couple of strangers. He could handle that much on his own, right? 

The entire afternoon passed in a kind of blur - by necessity more than anything. Mika didn’t dare let his focus drift from anything but the present moment. That alone was already too much to keep up with. Too many questions to answer, too many shifting expressions to gauge and respond to, too many ways he was probably making a fool of himself in front of people important to Shu. He wished so badly that he at least still had Mademoiselle with him… but she hadn’t said anything earlier, when they were all in front of his family. And none of them mentioned her either, apart from an early ‘joke’ that they were surprised she was still in one piece.

Even when Shu and his father rejoined them, there wasn’t any time to be alone and pull himself together. Not unless Mika slunk off alone, which… was honestly a tempting idea. But the possibility of getting lost in the house and breaking some unknown rule filled him with no less dread. At least once Shu was back and sitting next to him, he took up the lion’s share of the attention again from his family. All Mika had to do was smile and stay close to his side, and no one bothered talking to him much anymore.

Finally, when it was time for dinner, Shu managed to break the two of them away from the rest. “I’ll be making the meals for Kagehira and myself,” Shu explained, “We’ll rejoin you after we eat.”

“You haven’t learned to be less picky after so much time living on your own?”, his sister asked, sounding bemused.

“It is because I’ve been living alone for so long that I’ve grown too accustomed to having things a certain way. Besides, Kagehira’s diet is rather limited. It’s best I handle his meals while we’re here.”

Mika winced a little. Fortunately, the family relented and allowed them to head into the kitchens on their own, but he couldn’t help feeling guilty. Once they were far enough away that he doubted anyone would overhear, he muttered to Shu, “Did ya have t’ tell ‘em I can’t eat much? They’re gonna think I’m a pain…”

“It’s fine. They already know I am, so it simply makes us birds of a feather,” Shu said, very matter-of-fact.

If only Mika could have that confidence. But it did take the sting out somewhat. He had to admit, he liked the idea of being lumped together with Shu for any reason… and really, it wasn’t like he wanted to eat anyone else’s cooking. It’d make this place feel more like home if that much was the same.

Although the castle’s kitchen had been impressive enough on its own, Mika had to marvel at the more modern trappings of the manor’s. It was bigger, for one, and they had a real gas stove - Mika had only ever heard about things like that from travelers. He wanted to get a closer look at it, but with all the staff bustling around, he decided to hold back and stay out of their way. Maybe there would be a better chance later.

Shu seemed to feel the same way. He led Mika over to an unused counter, and pulled over a couple of free stools for them both. “We may as well wait until they finish up first. Unless you’re famished?”

“Nnah,” Mika said, shaking his head with a small laugh, “Been way too nervous t’ think ‘bout food at all.”

With a look that was both very gentle, and slightly guilty, Shu said, “Of course. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left you alone like that, no matter what the reason. I hope no one said anything untoward to you.”

“I-it’s okay! I woulda felt bad if I got in th’ way of seein’ yer grandpa… ‘sides, no one was mean or anythin’. They just had a lot a’ questions… t’ be honest, I hardly remember half a’ my own answers…”

“Don’t fret, Mika, dear,” Mademoiselle said, “I’m sure you did perfectly fine.”

Mika almost fell off his stool from how suddenly she’d spoken. “Wah - Miss Maddie!” He caught a couple of the staff glancing over their way, so he lowered his voice, “I’m awful glad yer talkin’ again. How come ya didn’t say anythin’ sooner?”

“Ah…” She folded her hands in her lap, looking a little embarrassed. “That’s right, I suppose we didn’t explain this to you very well…”

“The spell on Mademoiselle is extremely intricate, and requires a great deal of power to function,” Shu said, explaining with a gentle tone as he set her on the table. “The same runes that I carved throughout the castle which have made it so responsive also help her stay active. Outside the property, it falls to me alone, so she’s more limited.” There was a difficult look in his eyes, and his hands brushed at her hair very gently. Mika wondered how long it took for him to finish all that work. How many hours, or days, or weeks he’d been stuck in a totally quiet castle before he managed to bring his companion to life…

Mademoiselle turned her smile up towards Mika, but it looked weary to him. “I’m sorry, we should’ve told you sooner. To be honest, it’s been so long since I’ve been outside the castle grounds, I’d nearly forgotten how great a difference there was.”

Mika shook his head. “It’s okay, ya don’t gotta apologize, Miss Maddie.” Admittedly, knowing Mademoiselle wouldn’t be very chatty while they were around Shu’s family… it was kind of lonesome. But there wasn’t anything that could be done about it, and she obviously felt bad, so he made sure to grin nice and big for her. “‘Least we can talk now. An’ even when ya can’t, yer still here - that’s the most important thing.”

“Fufu… that’s right.” Mademoiselle smiled, relaxing more. “Being together is what matters most.”

That might be true, but as the kitchen staff finally cleared out, Mika wondered how it felt to not be able to hop up and join Shu in preparing dinner like usual. She didn’t say she minded, and had her usual smile on, but it had to sting. Mika tried to make up for it by hugging her while they both watched Shu handle the cooking. Although she seemed content enough like that, she didn’t say anything else. Maybe she was already tired out… in that case, Mika would have to make conversation himself.

“So, um…” Mika said, jumping right into the subject that seemed most important, “How was yer grandpa…?”

Shu hesitated in chopping the vegetables, but they picked back up again almost seamlessly as he answered, “Better than I feared, given how they all described him. I thought he might already be at death’s door. But his mind is still sharp - he recognized me right away, and greeted me quite boisterously.”

“Really? That’s great,” Mika said, relaxing more on his stool. “Sounds like he was awful happy t’ see ya.”

“It seemed so, yes. He was quite eager to be introduced to you as well, though my father insisted we wait until tomorrow for that. Hopefully he’ll be up and about by then.” 

“Mm, I hope so too. I really wanna meet him.” It seemed, after all, that Shu and his grandfather were especially close. Maybe Mika had already fumbled his first impression with everyone else, but there was still a chance that he could start off on the right foot with one member of Shu’s family.

Shu glanced backwards at him, a small smile on his face. “I’m glad.” Then his eyes turned forwards again, his movements slowing as if he were distracted by something. “Living alone for so long, I always… I tried not to think about the time passing as much as possible. It was unbearable to me. Seeing him really… made it impossible to ignore how long I’ve been gone.” His voice softened further - if there had still been anyone else in the kitchen, Mika was sure he would’ve missed it. “He looked so much smaller than I remember.”

At that, Mika couldn’t sit still. He was still carrying Mademoiselle, so his hands were full, but he was at least able to hop to his feet and bump his cheek against Shu’s shoulder. “It’s okay. Yer back now, an’ ya can make up fer all that time ya missed whenever ya want.”

With a sigh, Shu set the knife down and looked at him with plain relief. “Thank you for saying so. I was worried you might be more reticent.”

“Ngah?” Mika blinked, lifting his head. “Why wouldn’t I want ya t’ see yer family?”

“Well, I do understand it would be a major upheaval, to stay in this manor. I thought it might make you uncomfortable.”

Ah. Mika blinked again. Then again, as he drew back slightly. “Wait, yer talkin’ about movin’ here? Like, forever?”

“I wouldn’t say forever , but…” Shu raised an eyebrow at him, either confused or disapproving. Mika wasn’t sure which. “You weren’t?”

“I was thinkin’, y’know, visitin’ more, like we’re doin’ now.”

“That’s an option, of course, but… when I think about how quickly his health could take a turn for the worse… I really don’t want to take any chances.” His eyes dropped momentarily, before fixing back on Mika’s. “Is that… not something you would be willing to do?”

He sounded… hurt? Disappointed? Whatever the exact nuance was, it was obviously not good. Mika tried to say, “It… it ain’t that I’m not willin’, but…” But Shu had talked this whole time like this would be a short, temporary visit. The idea of living in this place, around a bunch of people he didn’t know, where Mademoiselle wouldn’t be able to talk much… was he really supposed to be excited about that?

“Shu,” Mademoiselle interrupted, sounding rather tired, “You’re asking him to make a very serious change, very suddenly. Why don’t we finish this visit first, and then we can think about what sort of options we have.”

“Of course. You’re quite right, Mademoiselle.” Shu shook his head, then said, “My apologies, Kagehira. I supposed I was getting carried away. We can discuss this after you have more of a chance to settle in.”

…The way he said that, it didn’t sound like he had any intention of changing his mind. Only to give Mika another chance to agree with him. Which… Mika understood. It was normal to want to be close to your family. He knew he was the weird one for not caring about his own, wherever they might be in the world. He knew Shu wasn’t wrong to make up for lost time. It was just… 

The curse was already broken. Shu didn’t need his feelings, or his company, or his shoddy attempts at making clothes. He didn’t need Mika for anything now. And that castle might be the closest thing to a home Mika had ever known, but it was also the place Shu had been trapped and miserable for years and years. If Mika insisted on going back, why would Shu ever agree to join him there? The only reason he could think was that Shu might feel bad about letting him go alone… but then, wouldn’t he be selfishly trapping Shu in a place he hated all over again?

Mika did his best to tuck those questions in the back of his head. He didn’t want to worry Shu, or pester Mademoiselle for help when she was tired like this. And it shouldn’t matter anyway. As long as the three of them were together, anywhere ought to be fine. So he sat back down and waited for Shu to finish, and reminded himself that if he wasn’t careful, he could wind up being the new curse messing up Shu’s life.