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The darkness is overwhelming. It clogs Tenko’s lungs and lingeringly haunts in the corners of his eyes. But it doesn’t suffocate his cries, only holds them away from the ears of those who Tenko desperately wants to hear him.
Tenko isn’t sure how long he’s been locked in the closet. It feels like hours, but surely it hasn’t been that long. Surely Father wouldn’t keep him trapped in here for more than a few minutes. Right?
Despite his hope, the darkness too drowns that out. Tenko’s throat is raw from screaming and crying at the top of his lungs. He begs for someone to let him out. He yells that he’s sorry. Sorry for everything and whatever he did. He’ll be good, he promises, just let him out, please. Please.
Like always, Tenko’s skin itches, but he ignores the uncomfortable sensation and instead claws at the closet door. It’s locked from the outside, and Daddy has the key. Daddy said he wouldn’t use it to open the door until Tenko learned to behave. But Tenko has! He learned! He shouldn’t have dreamed, he shouldn’t have hoped! Tenko knows now that he should never have mentioned being a hero to his father. And he’s sorry! He’s so sorry so please let him out!
Tenko’s sobs echo in the small cramped space. There is barely enough space for Tenko to stand and scrape desperately amidst the collection of shoes, jackets, and boxes of old discarded clothes and knickknacks. He feels broken, just like his choked cries and gasping chest.
“P-please. I-I’m sorry!” Tenko sobs as he claws at the closet door. “D-daddy, please!”
There’s no answer, just like there hasn’t been for however long Tenko has spent in the dark closet. Father must either be ignoring Tenko or gone to a different part of the house. Tenko must have not learned his lesson yet.
“Please!” Tenko continues to cry heavily despite the crushing reality of his father not coming to free him. Father never forgives Tenko so quickly. “I-I’m sorry!”
Why can’t mom be home? She’d help Tenko. She’d open the closet door and hug Tenko even when he’s stopped crying. She would get mad at Daddy and defend Tenko against Daddy’s anger. But Mommy is out with Hana shopping while grandma and grandpa went to the cafe down the street for midday tea. Why is no one here to protect Tenko? Isn’t he worth saving?!
Tears and snot stream pathetically down Tenko’s itchy and puffy face. He can’t stop them or the violent shudders that ripple from his chest through his whole body. It’s difficult to breathe, and it burns when Tenko manages to sucked down a sharp inhale of air.
Tenko desperately scrapes at the door with his tiny fingers, pleas continuing to fall uselessly from his trembling lips. His nails leave the shallowest of marks on the wood, barely making a sound amidst Tenko’s wails. He unconsciously claws harder as the door remains closed and the darkness remains oppressive.
Suddenly, pain courses through Tenko’s fingertips. Tenko cries out in pain rather than panic and sadness as he practically rips his hands away from the door. In the darkness of the closet, Tenko can’t see the damage done to his fingertips, but he can feel the stinging of the split open skin and the warmth of the blood trailing down his skin.
It hurts. Why does everything have to hurt?!
Tenko collapses to the floor, his knees hitting the hardwood harshly and causing another sensation of pain to flood through him. Tenko whimpers as he holds his bloody fingers to his chest and curls into himself. Somehow, huddling into a ball on the floor makes him feel more secure, more comfortable. Tenko presses his forehead to the floor and cries more, his tears soaking the ground beneath him.
What did Tenko do to deserve this? He’s just a kid. Every kid wants to be a hero, right? Why does his dad hate that so much? Why does Daddy hate him?
The darkness begins to feel heavier, as if its pressure is growing all around Tenko. It feels like Tenko’s drowning, and even though he can’t exactly see them through the thick veil of shadows, he feels like the walls are closing in around him. Tenko curls into himself tighter, the pain in his fingers and the warm stickiness coating his skin providing a small and unsuccessful distraction to how his small body trembles violently. His sobs grow more incoherent and desperate, but he doesn’t call out to Father anymore. What’s the point when Tenko knows he won’t come? Daddy is no hero after all.
As Tenko’s wails slowly turn into whimpers, there’s a familiar click before the closet door suddenly swings open. Tenko instinctively yelps and shuts his eyes against the onslaught of light that quickly pushes back the darkness that was enveloping him.
“Tenko!” A familiar sweet voice cries out. Gentle arms waste no time in scooping Tenko up and out of the closet. As Tenko opens his raw and puffy tear-filled eyes, he is met with the welcoming sight of his mom.
“Mommy,” Tenko whimpers before curling against her, sinking into the tight yet soothing hug she wraps him in. Fresh tears soak her shirt as Tenko sobs pitifully against her shoulder. “I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry. P-please don’t b-be mad.”
Mommy presses soft kisses to the top of Tenko’s head. “Oh baby, don’t be sorry. I’m not mad. This… this isn’t your fault.”
Her words just make Tenko cry more. Who’s fault could it be if not Tenko’s? Father’s? Yes, maybe, but Tenko and his dream of being a hero are what Father punished him for. Tenko doesn’t want it to be his fault, but… but it is… right?
Tenko must have said some of those things out loud because Mommy runs a soothing hand through his hair. “No, it isn’t your fault,” she tells him again. “Dreaming is no excuse for what he did.”
And Tenko believes her because his mommy never lies. So Tenko tries to relax a little, allowing himself to sink into Mommy’s embrace more. She’s warm.
A sharp pain startles Tenko, and he abruptly remembers his fingers. Hesitantly, Tenko looks down at his hands and lets out a pained whimper. His fingertips are torn from the amount of clawing he did at the door. The nails are worn down and sting while the skin is ripped and raw. Blood oozes down his fingers and is smeared against the rest of his hands as well as his arms and t-shirt.
Mommy follows Tenko’s gaze, and her eyes widen in alarm. “Tenko, honey, you’re bleeding! Come on, let’s clean those cuts up.” Gently, Mommy stands up, resituating Tenko so she’s carry him comfortably in her arms. “Don’t worry, sweetie, I’ll take care of you,” Mommy says before carrying Tenko to the bathroom to patch up his fingers.
Tenko loves Mommy because Mommy loves Tenko. Tenko trusts Mommy, too, because she hasn’t hurt him like Daddy. So Tenko lets Mommy care for him and allows the exhaustion from crying wash over him. And even as Tenko’s fingers sting while Mommy cleans them, he finds his hope returning. Because someone cares about Tenko, every part of him from his fingertips to his dreams.
Tenko loves that someone with enough of a child’s love for two parents.