Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Oh, this is going to be bad," Hen grimaced, as they caught their first glimpse of what exactly they were dealing with out of the engine windows.

Three floors, with the outward appearance of an expensive hotel. The west side had collapsed inwards at the initial quake, and a fire had erupted from a currently unknown cause, taking over much of the second floor, bursting out of broken windows.

'Heat House', a now tilted sign read proudly, above the smashed open glass doors leading in to the lobby.

A place for lonely and desperate omegas to ride out their Heats, by coercing them in to paying an absolutely extortionate fee to have alpha 'volunteers' come in and knot them, with usually minimal safeguarding.

In other words, it was a building full of crazed and vulnerable omegas, and lustful alphas who'd no doubt be driven in to frenzy, by the sudden disruption to their private time.

Undoubtedly one of the worst place to be in instances of emergency.

They all got out of the truck, necks extended to peer upwards at the catastrophe happening before them. Smoke pummelled upwards, carrying with it the screams of those trapped inside, some already being evacuated by other firehouses.

And yes, Eddie was aware he shouldn't have an opinion on who was getting saved first, but he did prickle a little at the sight of the elder alphas standing there, entirely unscathed, and looking entirely annoyed by the disruption to their day.

Based on their expensive looking suits, they were the owners, and painfully apathetic to the fact that their omegan wards were currently being burned alive. Based on how quickly the fire was spreading, Eddie was willing to bet that the building was certainly not up to code thanks to them.

Bobby came back quickly, from talking to the scene managed. Looking as collected as always, despite the situation. And Eddie hadn't known the man for very long, but the man's questions as to whether any of them wanted to back out created a deep routed bud of respect to foster within him. 

So, Eddie straightened up, more than prepared to do the job he'd signed up for despite the growing discomfort settling within him.

There were people inside who needed saving. Some more than others.

"Alright then, listen up. The pheromones are going to be rampant in a place like this, but we cannot allow it to affect us. Chim, I'm going to need you and the other betas paying close attention to the omega victims, try to keep them as separate as possible from the volunteers of this place." Bobby's face twitched minutely on the word 'volunteer'. 

Volunteer made it sound like they were doing something generous. When, really, any respectable person knew that they were just taking advantage of those in their most vulnerable states.

And yet, Eddie was going to have to save them anyway.

"Alphas, top up on scent blockers if you have not done so recently. Victims are already going to be crazed, and you cannot let your scent worsen the situation. If you begin to feel affected, step outside for fresh air."

Bobby's eyes seemed to hover over Eddie, with that last order. 

Which was understandable, he supposed, as he was not only the only unmated alpha in the team, but also still an enigma to them.

One thing he appreciated about his team, was that since arriving it had quickly become prevelant that they were all far more progressive than his team in the military had been.

And they didn't know his contempentment, towards omegas. Didn't know just how much restraint he had. 

Eddie was going to be more than happy to prove to them all that he wasn't so easily turned in to a disgusting animal with no restraint at the first whif of Heat, thank you very much.

They dispersed, then. Eddie was assigned to the third floor, taking a ladder up to a broken window on the side to evacuate those up there, before the flames ravishing the second floor burned through to them.

And God, was it as awful as he'd anticipated. 

It was like the scent of lust and pain had been ingrained in to the very walls, cloying at his nose, and not for the first time Eddie was left wondering how on earth people could find that attractive, when it made his very stomach recoil.

Hotel rooms full of knotheaded alphas, some angry and others still stuck inside of terrified omegas. 

Most alphas just barged past him, taking themselves out of there with adamant refusal for help. Others stood around demanding compensation. Compensation for what, exactly, Eddie did not know since they hadn't paid a dime to be here. 

The omegas that were free of any restraints could barely walk on their own because of the hormones flooding their brains, grabbing at him in desperation or simply sobbing in his arms. Eddie did his best to provide comfort, whilst also maintaining a professional restraint against any grabby hands pleading for his knot.

It was taking a terribly long time, to get everyone unknoted from each other and safely down a ladder, or to jump down to the inflatable mattress set up below.

Eddie could feel the heat radiating through the floor, could feel the building growing more and more unstable and knew that it wouldn't be long until he had to evacuate. 

But he'd barely cleared half of the floor, and so pushed forwards while he still could, trying to be as prompt and efficient as possible, and not waste any time on alphas who did not want his help.

The west wing, which had taken the brunt of the earthquake, was internally separated from the rest of the building. 

So far, it had just been standard looking hotel rooms that Eddie had sorted through, but the west wing had a locked staff corridor separating it from everything else, one that Eddie had to kick through. 

It was like a completely different place, to the rest of the building. A different atmosphere entirely.

Dark panelled walls and polished wood flooring, gave way to white tiles and paint. Luxurious accommodation, for their alpha volunteers, given way to an almost clinical atmosphere.

And Eddie actually had to hold his breath even through the smoke mask as his senses were attacked by the overwhelming stench of pain and terror that radiated through every inch of the place. 

Along the brightly lit (but for the flickering lights) corridor, were rooms that were less like hotel rooms, but more like... play rooms. 

Torture rooms, to be exact.

Eddie found omegas bound up, in various stages of duress. Flogged and beaten and muzzled, chained and locked on to sex machines, still pummellin inside of them, and it all most certainly went against state laws for places like this. 

At least, he damn well hoped it did. 

Eddie had to call for back up, because most of the victims were too injured to escort themselves, and the alphas found in those areas he simply couldn't stand to offer help to, thoroughly disgusted. 

Eddie helped where he could, but the further he ventured in to the west wing the more difficult it became. As the floor became more and more unstable, shaking and groaning, ceilings already caved in in places, and the states he increasingly found victims in became harder to help. 

Just as Bobby asked for updates, and gave them a time limit of five more minutes before evacuating that side and the second floor entirely, Eddie turned a corner and came to an abrupt halt. 

An omega stood there with his back to him, naked as all the others had been. He was bruised, and bleeding, and stood stock still staring at something in front of him on the floor.

But it was his scent that made Eddie freeze. 

A scent so conflicting, so riveting, that he truly couldn't wrap his head around it, pausing against his will to allow his brain to catch up.

Heat was there, of course. Sticky and sweet, like warm honey. Pain too, cloying and nauseating, pushing Eddie's instincts to help and protect. But there was an underlying tone, something that contrasted yet complimented the scent of Heat perfectly, something fresh yet spicy that didn't belong there. Something, like...

Eddie stepped forwards, slow and careful, and the omega snapped around at the noise, widened blue eyes meeting his.

There was a bump, to his otherwise thin frame.

"You're pregnant," Eddie stated dully, brain kicking in to overdrive to figure out how that could be possible. How the omega was here, and in heat, when he was pregnant.

He barely had a chance to process, before the omega shook off the state of shock he'd been in and darted away, skillfully jumping over the pile of rubble before him and making a run for it, only heading further in to the danger zone. 

Beneath the rubble the omega had been staring at was a hand, an alpha's hand. Dead, clearly, and Eddie didn't give the alpha that had presumably been doing something awful much thought, and instead took off after the omega, following his scent. 

"It's not safe here," he called out, turning on his flashlight as the concaved hallways grew dark, lights smashed.

His nostrils flared, eyes darting around the space, putting all of his senses in to searching. 

He couldn't have gotten far. 

He was hurt, and heat crazed, and pregnant, the other omegas could barely stand on their own and had been found in better states.

Eddie heard a sharp gasp, through a doorway, and his torch landed on pale marred skin when he turned around.

Again, the omega blinked at him, face pressed in fear, before making another dart forwards, crawling below a piece of collapsed ceiling.

"Stop running, LAFD, I'm here to help you!" he proclaimed, quickly sinking to his knees to crawl after him and wincing at the sight of fragile naked skin scraping against rubble.

The omega proceeded, fast and desperate, like he hadn't even felt it.

"Stop," Eddie pleaded, coming up to his feet and raising his hands in the air in surrender, painfully aware that him chasing the man was only going to send him in to more panic.

An evolutionary response, in omegas, to being chased like prey.

He watched the omega search for an escape as he reached the dead end of a hallway, breaths coming out sharp and fast. After glancing back at him, panicked and frenzied, the omega grabbed at debris blocking a door and threw it out of the way. And Eddie felt terror grip at his chest, as the smell of smoke came wafting through. They most assuredly were stood right above the blaze that could rip through at any moment, and he wondered how the man wasn't yelping at the heat surely burning his bare feet. Had he any feeling at all?

The ground below the omega creaked with his hurried movements. 

Eddie lunged forwards and grabbed him, hands wrapped around his body, and threw him to the floor, landing on top just as the third floor concaved in to the second. Flames burst upwards at the initial breakage, right where the omega had been stood, and Eddie used his body to shield the omega from the worst of it, extending out the corners of his turnout coat to cover as much bare skin as possible.

The omega kicked and shoved, scrambling to get away once Eddie stood back up after the flames had died down.

"No, please!" He screeched, like Eddie wasn't saving his life, as he again grabbed a hold of him and began to drag him down the way they'd came.

"Diaz, report," came Bobby down his earpiece. 

"This building is not safe. Let me help you get out of here," he spoke through gritted teeth, because the omega was unreasonably strong and still doing all he could to fight Eddie, to both of their detriments.

"I need Maddie, where's Maddie?!"

Who?

Eddie glanced back down the hall. Whoever Maddie was, if she'd been down there she wouldn't have survived.

"Once we're outside, you can tell me about Maddie and I'll help you find her," he assuaged, again using his body to provide some cover to the omega as they crawled back through rubble. "She may already be outside," He added, as the previous promise did little to assuage the poor thing.

Eddie helped the omega back to his feet, and slinked the man's arm over his shoulder to support him in walking the rest of the way.

The omega shoved at him, and Eddie very nearly bit his head off as he assumed that he was going to continue to fight.

"Diaz, do you copy?"

"I can walk," the omega said, arms wrapping around his baby bump before stumbling down the rest of the hallway.

He reached for his monitor. "Copy, Cap. Evacuating now."

And Eddie examined the man, as he moved. Making a mental note of all visible injuries, to provide to the paramedics on standby.

Ankle was swollen, and he was avoiding applying pressure to it. Victim clearly in a state of shock, no reception of pain. Scrapes across his skin, would need to be closely monitored for infection from the debris. Bruising on his hips, anus, midsection, and wrists. Breathing shuddery, could be the panic, acute smoke inhalation, or something wrong with his ribs. And, oh yeah, pregnant and fell down on to his stomach to army crawl across the floor. 

Eddie picked up an omega girl with a broken leg on their way down, and she went willingly, barely letting out the faintest whimper as he scooped her up.

The pregnant omega had blinked at her in pity, before silently taking a hold of her hand, whixh she seemed to appreciate. Mercifully sticking close to Eddie from then on, if only to provide comfort.

He managed to get them all outside in on piece, placed the girl down on to a stretcher before turning to the pregnant omega still in his charge.

"Maddie?!" The man screamed, spinning around in circles as he searched the crowd for the missing woman, chest wracking with coughs that had become more prevelant in their journey down.

Eddie really hoped she was out here, whoever she was is clearly very important for the man to risk his life.

He gently placed his hand on the omega's lower back, earning a full body flinch in return, and nudged the increasingly shellshocked man over to the nearby 118 ambulance; he could tell it wasn't long until the man crashed from exertion.

Chimney was patching a girl up, and Hen had just finished with a man, and so was quick to approach Eddie and the omega to offer her help. 

He saw the moment confusion dawned on both of their faces, as their noses twitched at the strange scent, just as his had.

"How is he on Heat if he's pregnant?" Chimney asked, to which Eddie could only shrug. 

Rare medical condition, maybe? Medical anomaly? Whatever it was, Hen was sure to find out.

"Hi, what's your name?" The woman approached, unphased with a gentle smile, and the omega shuffled back a step, looking close to fleeing again. Eddie situated himself behind the omega, just incase he should try. "I'm Hen, do you mind if I check out everything's okay with you and the baby?"

It must be so hard for her, as an alpha in these cases, to treat traumatised omegas who would only want to be far away from her. 

But Chimney was occupied, and Eddie didn't want to try and navigate the omega to another paramedic team.

"I need to find Maddie," the man just stated, going stiller than he'd been thus far as his eyes continued to glance around at everything, searching.

The adrenaline that had been keeping him running was very clearly dying down now that they weren't in imminent danger. The omega's knees wobbled beneath his weight.

Hen took a careful hold of both of the man's hands, and sat him down on a stretcher. Eddie was surprised he went along so pliantly, Hen clearly possessed a natural gift.

"Who is she? Is she an omega? Or..." Eddie asked, his own eyes flicking around. He allowed himself to trail off at the end, as he couldn't imagine an omega in this situation being so pent up over an alpha in there.

A wet sounding sob broke free from the man's mouth, as he nodded. "She's my sister. She only just got to LA, and she wanted to check on me, then she got stuck here too." Eddie saw the omega's puffy pink lips begin to wobble, and Eddie then looked over to Hen. 

She appeared equally concerned by the statement. This place was already appearing dodgy enough, without the man's 'stuck here' tacked on to the end. The average Heat lasted for five days, how long had he and his sister been here?

"It's my fault she's here." Finally, tears broke free from the red rimmed blue eyes, and Eddie felt his heart lurch.

"I'll ask around," he promised, as the omega was given a light nudge to lie back, surely a painful position with the lashes on his back but the best they could do. "What's your name?"

The man hesitated, then wiped at his nose.

"Buck."

Unusual. But Eddie wasn't owed his legal name.

"Okay, Buck. You get checked out, and I'll look around for your sister." 

Buck gave a small, weak smile in thanks, sniffling and shivering all over, and Eddie forced one back before stepping away to begin his task.

And he really did try. 

He searched everywhere for a woman even faintly resembling Buck, and when that didn't work out he began to check lists and ask around for a woman named Maddie. Even asked the owners, who were now sitting back calling their insurance companies with drinks in hand.

But there was no luck, and he began to feel increasingly awful and exhasuted as time passed by, and he saw all of the injuries and bodies sitting outside.

He'd done a full circle, and ended up back at the 118 ambulance with no good news to share.

Hovered for a moment, peering over at what little of Buck he could see past Chimney's shoulder, but before he could approach and say anything, offer reassurances that maybe she'd already been taken to a hospital, Hen's voice caught his attention.

"Who put this in you? Do you know?" The woman asked, her posture tense as she held Buck's foot in her hand, and a small scalpel in the other.

Buck was completely wacked out by that point, and just blinked blearily over at her in response. Curled up beneath a shock jacket with his arms around his belly, and bandages across a gash on his temple.

Eddie's brows furrowed, as he stepped fowards to see what she'd found, and felt his stomach twist when he saw the small chip implanted into Buck's swollen ankle. 

"Please, try to remember. You're not in any trouble, but if the people here put this in you we need to know so that we can help the other omegas," Hen added, and it was then that Bobby came over to see what was going on with his team, hovering over them.

Buck stared, uncomprehendingly, as Hen pulled the chip out, sitting up on to his elbows and head wobbling from side to side in exhaustion- and hopefully painkillers.

"Is that what made it go on so long?" He asked raspily, and Eddie felt fury overtake him as he reached the same conclusion that Hen already had.

The chip was an illegal hormone implant. Found predominantly in sex trafficking victims, to keep them drugged and in Heat.

This place was a glorified sex traffic ring, and all of the omegas here were high.

It didn't take long for police to get to the scene, but it felt like it did, as they were forced to pretend nothing was amiss so as to not scare the culprits away.

The hotel owners, who had been sitting entirely unpeterubed, attempted to make a flee when two officers approached with handcuffs already out. 

They quickly got loaded in to police cars, and Eddue would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy seeing them get thrown around, whilst others went around to question the victims and take names of the alpha volunteers, to investigate whether they knew what was going on.

Athena gravitated towards the 118 vehicle, and Eddie tried not to make it too obvious that he was listening in on her and Bobby's conversation.

Buck admitted to not knowing how long he was there for, but it was at least longer than his pregnancy. Hen said he was around five months along. 

Over five months, in Heat, being beaten and taken advantage of by alpha after alpha.

The contracts the omegas signed specified that they'd become the Hotel's wards until their Heats ended, effectively trapping them there.

And Eddie's vision had been going red around the edges, the more he heard from both Buck and the other omegas.

They'd been promised luxury, a hotel escape where their needs were met, but instead they slept in cages. They took alpha after alpha all day every day, no end in sight, only let off when they became too dehydrated to produce enough slick, even with the Heat.

The west wing was where the bad omegas went, the ones who fought, where visitors who paid a small fee got to do whatever they wanted short of killing or permanently marring them.

The worst part about all of this was that nothing was likely to come of it, the worst that would happen was a few months jail time for buying and using illegal hormone implants, which the owners were certainly rich enough to buy themselves out of.

Rich off the backs of the omegas they'd had raped and tortured.

Eddie stood back, forcing himself to take deep breaths as it became clear he was letting off an intimidating scent to their ward, as Buck squirmed and tensed, staring at him.

He had no idea how Hen and Chimney kept their composure, was sort of stunned watching the woman continue to patch up Buck with nothing but a crease between her broad to show her displeasure over the situation.

Buck had been in the west wing.

People had paid to torture a pregnant, terrified omega, for the crime of fighting back.

"Buck, we're going to take you to the hospital now. I think it'd be best you get checked out properly," Hen said, after attaching an IV to his arm.

His eyes grew wide again, bleary and dilated.

"But Maddie-"

"All of the omegas are either going to the hospital, or an omega shelter for the night. She won't be here," Cap interjected, his arms crossed over his chest with an authoritative air about him.

She won't be here if she's still alive, went unsaid. Buck didn't need that on his mind right now, as he stared at the smoldering remains of that hell hole.

Eddie didn't want to think about all the omegas who'd died there, either. 

Athena stepped forwards, carefully neutral just as everyone else was right now.

Proffesionals. Eddie wondered what it would take for him to get to that point too. He was always so quick to anger, to feel.

"I'll be going to the hospital as well, to inform you and the others of your rights and what steps can be taken to get in to omega shelters. While I'm there, I will help you look for your sister," The sergant promised, leaning down to look the man in the eye.

And Buck just stared at her, his own eyes wide with a glimmer of hope, before slumping back on to the stretcher in surrender.

He got loaded on to their ambulance, and Eddie tried not to make his staring too obvious. 

But there was just something about Buck, something they all seemed to feel.

He didn't know if it was because he was pregnant, or because he was one of the first people he'd directly saved on the job, or because he'd been the most vocal of the victims thus far, but Eddie was invested in him, in his wellbeing. As were Hen and Chimney, it appeared, as they all hovered around the omega in the back of the vehicle.

Buck was still riding out the effects of the implant, body flushed and slick dripping down from his hole in large quantities, squirming every now and then on the stretcher with need as a bulge prodded at the blanket rested on top of him for a semblance of privacy.

He never once begged, however. Only made an aborted movement as though to reach for Eddie, just to stop.

And, now that the rush of everything was over, Eddie couldn't stop staring. Couldn't stop examining every inch of the omega's admittedly beautiful face. His puffy pink lips, his chiseled jawline. The curls falling from his head, and interestingly shaped mark above his deeply furrowed brows.

It was wrong, so wrong, he was aware. But, well...

He made himself stop when Buck whined in discomfort, at the pain no doubt still radiating through his body, and he grew more concerned than enamoured by the beautiful man.

They arrived at the nearest omega hospital with quick speed, and the doors were pulled open for them. Eddie stood up, despite not being needed, just wanting to see Buck to the doors, make sure he was in good hands before saying goodbye because Omega hospitals were notoriously understaffed.

He was startled, when the omega reached over and grabbed a hold of his hand, squeezing it.

"Thank you," he whispered, long lashes fluttering against his cheekbones in exhaustion.

And Eddie forced on a strained smile. "I hope you're okay," was the most he could think to say, before Buck's hand was pulled away from his as he was rushed inside, behind the doors to not be seen by them again.

Their job was done. 

And Eddie was left with an empty feeling from the crash that always followed an adrenaline high.

He did try to find out what happened to Buck, if he found his sister and what was happening with him and his baby, but he'd been unable to get any answers. Athena didn't have any for him, just said that Buck was on a shortlist to be housed somewhere safe until he had the baby, and his fate after that was unclear.

They had no way of reaching him, finding him.

And Eddie found himself, over the next few months, thinking of him, until the others' advice to let it go finally got to his head. 

And so, he moved on. Accepting that he'd never know of the omega's fate, as it wasn't his place to know.

Other things, other concerns, other victims, captured his interest, occupied his mind.

Most notably, was when he received a letter from the US government, appraising him for his work in the military. Apparently, as a silver star recipient, he was deserving of a reward. A reward they'd begun to give to all decorated war veterans, as a thank you for their service. In other words, they'd started this program to check a box, and say that they treated former military personnel well, without having to actually put any effort or care in to it. 

And Eddie wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. He ripped the letter up in a sudden fit of fury, without scanning the link to read more about his 'reward', and- out of pure spite- burned it with a lighter.

Entirely unappreciative of the reminder of his past, and wanting more than anything to let it go.

He fell to his knees, gasping for breath and pulling violently at his hair to try and suppress the memories that forcefully surfaced back down in to the box in his brain where they belonged.

Nothing they could give would ever make up for the trauma that he and everyone else had suffered for them, for their causes and their wars.

Unfortunately, even without interacting with the letter, those in charge still decided to forcefully bestow his reward on to him.

And it was with that, that he came home after a long shift, six months after the earthquake, to a most shocking sight.

Because there, kneeling at his door step with his head bowed low, silver bow wrapped decoratively around his neck and hands cuffed behind his back to the house's supporting beam, was an omega.

And not just any omega, but the omega he'd truly hoped he'd saved from such an awful fate, back on his second day of the job.

Buck, naked skin entirely unblemished unlike how it had been during the fire, hair perfectly well kept, and- most concerningly- his stomach well toned with the lack of baby present, like it had never been stretched with life to begin with.

Eddie crouched down, lips pursed in his own surprise and worry. 

Buck, who had been dutifully staring at the ground, glanced up at the movement, and Eddie was left entirely thrown off as blue eyes met his once again. 

Blue eyes, that had been so alight with emotion the last time he saw him, but were now cold and empty like the omega had completely detached himself from his surroundings. 

Though, a small twinge of the man's brows betrayed his own shock over the predicament they'd found themselves in.

A letter sat on the front porch in front of Buck, addressed to Eddie. 

One he recognised to be from a government official. 

And oh, with a twisting feeling in his stomach, he then realised exactly what this was about. Why he had an omega chained by the wrists to his front porch. 

Somehow, for his acts of 'gallantry and intrepidity' throughout his military service, he'd been rewarded with a now clearly trained and docile omega to keep in his home. As though Buck were a throwaway item, to dump on his front steps like an amazon parcel for him to do with as he wished. 

Eddie wanted to claw whoever's decision this had been's face off.

Chapter Text

For several long moments, Eddie and Buck just stared at each other, unblinkingly, until a car drove past and honked its horn, someone leering out of the window at the two of them.

Buck averted his gaze back to the floor, attempting to shrink in on his naked form. 

That snapped Eddie back in to reality, with an abrupt harshness. 

"Uh, hey?" He greeted, for lack of better words. His throat had gone incredibly dry, and his brain was lagging behind in the state of shock he'd entered. He shuffled closer, a little, and Buck made a halted movement like he wanted to move away, before recalling that his hands were literally chained to the house.

What if there'd been an emergency? What if a stranger, like the one in the car, had seen him before Eddie got here and used his trapped state to their advantage?! "Let me get those off, and then we can talk, okay?" He said, eyes scanning around for a way to break off the metal cuffs, lest he break his own house in his desperation to free him.

"Did they leave a key?" he asked, just to receive no response. At least, not a verbal one. 

Buck stared down, at the stupid bow wrapped around his neck. And Eddie caught sight of a little piece of metal, hanging down from it. Tauntingly in the man's sight, but out of reach.

Eddie reached over to grab it, and Buck's breath got caught in his throat as he tried to squirm away from the hand suddenly entering his space, to his neck and scent glands.

"Fuck, fuck, sorry." That was stupid of him. Still, he took the key, and kneeled down on the front door step to unlock him, knees aching on the cold slabs even through the fabric of his clothes. How long had Buck been kept out here, waiting indeterminably? Eddie had just gotten off a 24 hour shift, he could have been here for hours already.

The man's wrists were chaffed raw, beneath the metal, and he grimaced. A clear sign that Buck had been fighting earlier, even if he wasn't now. Fighting, like he had back at the fire.

Eddie would much prefer fighting over the unnerving silence and spacey stares that were currently greeting him.

As soon as he was freed, Buck brought his arms to his sides, shoulders no doubt aching from being locked behind him for so long. Again, he made a halted movement as though about to flee, before opting not to as Eddie stood up, picking up the letter as he did.

What the hell had happened to him? He'd been so... lively, the last time they met. Despite the Heat raging through him, and the trauma of it all.

Eddie quickly unlocked his front door, before turning back to the omega still kneeling on his porch. 

He heard another car approach, saw the way Buck's shoulders tensed in anticipation, hunching in on himself.

People had probably been leering at him all day long, it was a wonder nothing had happened.

"Come inside?" It was more of an order, than a request. 

They needed to get inside, get clothes, sit down, and have a long talk, as much as Eddie hated talks.

Eddie extended out his hand in offer. Buck just blinked up at him incredulously. He lowered his hand back to his side before stepping in to his house, waiting in the entryway for Evan to follow. 

He hadn't expected for him to crawl, was blindsided by it in fact. So blindsided, that he didn't comment.

Naked, tied up outside, collared, and crawling like a dog. 

Only, Eddie expected a dog wouldn't have been dumped on his front steps and left there, had that been his so called 'reward'.

Buck stopped, once sufficiently inside, and took to kneeling with his head bowed down low again.

"Clothes, I'm going to get you some clothes. Make yourself comfortable, okay? I'll be right back." He needed to get away. He needed- he needed space, a moment to think. So it was without looking back that he slammed his bedroom door shut, silently hoping that the omega would take the initiative to run while he was gone.

Eddie couldn't care for an omega. Not since-

He leaned against his bedroom door, pulling roughly at his own hair to steady himself. Breathed in his own scent that surrounded him, away from the sweetness of the omega outside. 

Who could possibly have thought it would be a good idea to dump a living breathing human being on an unsuspecting alpha's front doorstep? How is that something they thought would be better than providing actual help to those readjusting to life post-military?

Eddie truly could not believe it, and placed the letter Buck had come with down on to his chest of drawers to read later, before beginning to sort through his clothes. Buck had been dealt an even shittier hand than he had, and the least Eddie could do was spare him what was left of his dignity.

But the omega was tall, and slimmer than Eddie. His clothes were a poor substitute, until they went to the store- which he supposed was a must in the near future.

And he felt bad, knowing that despite being clean the sweat pants, tank top, and hoodie he selected would still smell like him. And the poor omega out there would no doubt hate being surrounded by that, after all he'd been through. Better than being naked though, no doubt.

Eddie was slow to open the door, peering outside to find that Buck hadn't moved a single inch in the time that he'd been gone. But his head tilted a little, at the sound of Eddie reappearing. And the line of his shoulders squared, defensive.

"These should fit, you can put them on." He placed them on the coffee table, in front of Buck. Buck's hands twitched upwards, one resting on the clothes before jerking away as though worried about being scalded. A lump built in the back of Eddie's throat. "Put them on, I'm going to get you something to drink," he said, voice a little raspy as he left to the kitchen to give the omega some space. 

He closed the door, almost fully, before electing to leave it open a crack so that he could listen in and check that Buck was actually doing as told. He was certain the dazed state he'd been in thus far had been the result of shock, just as much as any terrorisation he must have endured.

Eddie ran the sink, so that the omega would think he was busy. 

And it was several moments after that that he heard quiet, measured movements in the living room. A brash difference to the heavy footed jerky movements Buck had shown before.

Eddie provided plenty of time for the omega to get dressed, before actually getting them both some water and returning, making his footsteps heavy in warning. 

He felt his chest ache, to find Buck kneeling on the floor again like he hadn't moved, only this time fully dressed- the first time he'd ever seen him in clothes, which was strange to think.

After faltering momentarily at the sight, Eddie made his way to the couch, placing the waters down on the coffee table before addressing the situation. "Um, you don't have to sit on the floor. You can come on the couch," he patted the seat cushion next to him, feeling painfully awkward as he did.

He hadn't had a guest in a long time, he'd been alone ever since-

Eddie didn't know how to behave. It was different when at work, on calls. But here, in his home, the pressure to perform had hit an all time high.

Buck didn't show any indication that he'd heard, and Eddie thought he was just going to be ignored until the omega timidly crawled over to the couch, hesitating briefly before climbing up. Like a dog.

The omega shrank in on himself again, trying to make his large frame appear small. Sat as though he thought the couch would swallow him alive at any moment, or, more accurately, as though he thought he'd be hit and scalded at any second for a misstep.

His sweet scent had taken on a painful tinge to it, fear palpitating the space between them as the omega then reached over with a pale shaky hand, to paw at Eddie's crotch.

And Eddie froze up, in shock. Looked down at the hand, feeling it expertly apply pressure to his cock, before jerking away.

"Don't," he demanded, in admittedly too harsh a tone as Buck also physically recoiled from him like he'd been struck. But his hand stopped touching him, all the same, and at that very moment that was all that mattered.

Deep breaths.

"Do you remember me?" Eddie asked, after taking a moment to consider where to even begin.

Buck's eyes flicked back up, briefly. Blues piercing in to his very soul beneath thick lashes, for however short a time they were allowed. 

A short, jerky, head nod. 

Okay. That was something. He'd saved Buck's life, perhaps that could earn him some grace here.

"Can you talk?" He had talked, a lot, just a mere six months ago. But so far it had been complete silence, and Eddie was left worried that he'd been in a horrific accident or something that left him speechless.

Buck's face twitched, and Eddie didn't know if he was making up the near eye roll the omega shared, like he thought the question was dumb. 

"I can talk if you'd like me to, Master," the omega, finally, spoke. So vastly different to how he'd sounded before, his tone a forced soft, pleasant neutral. Unnatural, practiced.

Eddie recoiled at the term, repulsed. Master was what his father liked to be called. Master he was not.

"It's Eddie," he quickly interjected, "And, yeah, 'cause I'm kind of at a loss here. What happened to you?"

How had he wound up here? Like... this?

"I completed my Rehabilitation training for Wayward Omegas. So now, I am able to be a dutiful partner for you, and fulfil any role that you require of me. Eddie." It was said so robotically, clearly a taught response, and Eddie hated it.

"You were pregnant," he recalled, quietly. Feeling his heart pound in his chest at the tension that filled the omega's frame. Cautiously, he dared to ask, "what happened to your baby?"

A shiver ran through Buck's frame, as his skin went pale and clammy all over. Eyes going distant and hazy again, as he stared off in to a space. Looking thoroughly devastated, like the world had been turned upside down, before sinking back in to a forced neutral, pain still etched across every crevice of his face. "My past doesn't matter, what matters is what I can do for you. I apologise if you wanted a virgin, you can ask for an exchange if you are unsatisfied with me. More information can be found online at WORF.state.gov, Eddie."

He felt his mouth fall open, before he pursed his lips in utter frustration. Not at Buck, of course not, he was a victim. But frustration at the entire country and how it was ran and every single thing that had led to this very moment. 

Buck had been trafficked, forcefully impregnated, nearly died in a fire, then sent somewhere so awful that he'd been programmed to speak of himself like a product item, not a human with real thoughts and feelings. 

Eddie felt sick, and angry, and had to pause to suck in a deep breath upon noticing the twitch of Buck's nose, as his scent grew heavier in the air, shrouding in on them. He didn't want to scare him.

"Excuse me a minute," he said, before standing up and returning back to his bedroom. Fists clenched tightly at his sides, as he fought against grabbing the baseball bat he owned and using it to smash the place in to smithereens, lest he terrify the already traumatised man waiting outside.

Blindly, he reached for the letter he'd previously discarded, and ripped open the envelope. 

Inside were two pages, the first a receipt of proof of purchase (in which the government had covered his costs), and shipping information. Just like Buck were, in fact, an inanimate object to be delivered.

The second was a letter, which he had to take a second to calm himself down to read.

Dear Edmundo Diaz,

Congratulations on your new Omega! We hope you will be very happy with it. Customer satisfaction is at the heart of what we do here at CA-WORF, as we look to turn formally troubled Omegas in to productive members of society. And upstanding citizens such as yourself play an integral part in that!

Information on your product: M-26-E-BUCK

Age: 26

Height: 6'2

Weight: 170 IBS

Health conditions: N/A

Sexual state: non-virgin, five months postpartum

Overview from trainer: 'M-26-E-BUCK is perfect for those who enjoy a more robust male omega to dominate. With a high pain threshold, and a tendency to mouth off when cornered, M-26-E-BUCK is a delight to put back into place. Non violent, and quick to cry, it will take virtually anything that it is given. Sufficient in sexual endeavours, requires little effort or prompts to perform, and minimal preparation is needed. Very flexible, has practice being tied up in virtually any position, and a lengthy endurance. Product is particularly clingy and eager to please post correction. M-26-E-BUCK is a brilliant cook, knows several appetising recipes by heart that are sure to be a hit. It will certainly make a nice addition to any home.'

If you have would like to file a complaint, or request an exchange, please contact our support team through our website. Your feedback is important to us, and helps us to know how to better our training for future recipients.

Sincerely, California Department of Wayward Omegas Rehabilitation Facility

In Partnership with, The US Department of State, Office of Omegan Affairs

Well, that was...

That was not great. 

Eddie felt a ringing in his ears, as his eyes flicked through the 'overview' part again. The pronoun it. The talk of physical force being used to the point of tears as a positive thing. The discussion of how well Buck performed in sex, apparently having continued to be taken advantage of even after escaping the whore house. The heartbreaking idea of the omega being clingy, 'eager to please' after being beaten and abused. It was in Omegan nature, to want to please. And it was in human nature to be so desperate for comfort after suffering a great deal, to the point of clinging on to anybody close by, even if that person was the abuser.

That all being swiftly followed by the most generic customer service disclaimer ever was enough to send him in to a rage, his body vibrating with the urge to do something as his gaze narrowed in on the words, reading it all again.

Five months postpartum. Eddie couldn't remember exactly how far along Buck had been in his pregnancy when he met him, but it hadn't been anywhere close to the due date.

Which meant that the baby had been born incredibly early, and if it hadn't died would likely be suffering with an impairment, without its O-parent.

What could Buck have possibly done, to deserve being sent to a 'rehabilitation facility' like this? When he'd been suffering and struggling so much last Eddie saw him.

Belatedly, he wondered, whether it had anything to do with the baby. In his desperation, perhaps he'd tried to... tried to terminate, dispose of the reminder of the hell that he'd endured. 

That would certainly explain how he'd wound up in such a vile place. 

Either way, Eddie was painfully aware that the baby likely wasn't alive, and so it was a topic he probably shouldn't bring up again unprovoked. As any circumstances, surrounding the birth, must be traumatically painful. Be it a termination, miscarriage, stillbirth, or having his baby stolen from him.

The latter wasn't likely enough for Eddie to keep prying the man about it.

His sister was, probably, dead too. And they didn't know each other nearly well enough for Eddie to try and console him over that.

He stood up from where he'd been sat on his bed, and paced his small bedroom with his hands pulling at his hair. Needing to calm down, before he went back out there. 

He then went in to his ensuite, and grabbed the small bottle of scent blockers out of the cabinet, applying them to his neck whilst making a mental note to get more soon. It was encouraged to wear them on the job, so as to appear as unimposing as possible. And Eddie always did so generously, but let them fade towards the end of his shift. Now he'd have to use them at home too, if he wanted to make the omega feel more comfortable. 

He waited a little while for them to kick in to effect, before splashing his face with cool water and braving back out in to the living room.

And he felt bad, to see that he'd been gone for long enough for Buck to have moved a little bit. 

The omega had been staring at the door, arms wrapped defensively around himself and rocking back and forth a little in a self soothing manner. Eddie watched, filled with pain, as the omega quickly placed his hands back to his lap, ducked his head, and went ramrod still again at his return.

"Okay, we need to talk," he sighed out, long drawn, and went to move over to the couch. Buck quickly slipped off of the furniture, and back on to his knees, as exhaustion simultaneously consumed Eddie. It had been a long shift, and this was going to be a long night. He rubbed a hand down his face. "You don't have to kneel, Buck, just..." Eddie moved closer, and kneeled down on the floor too in surrender, trying to catch the omega's eyes imploringly by ducking his own head. "Just relax, okay?"

A big ask, he knew. But Eddie couldn't... he couldn't stand to keep feeling like a monster that would attack at any moment in his own home. He'd never wanted to be like the alphas he'd grown up around, never wanted to hurt or intimidate, but he was aware he was very intimidating. Couldn't help but be sometimes, with his fits of anger and icy looks when he was trying not to feel.

Buck nodded repeatedly, like he was making a promise to do as told, and Eddie watched the man suck in a breath, hold it, before forcefully resting his tense shoulders. Clearly, doing his very best impression of a relaxed person. 

Eddie forced himself to try and relax, too.

Where did they go from here?

"Do you... do you want to stay here? With me?" Eddie asked, because he needed to know before he started making plans to take the omega in for the foreseeable future. Buck's face scrunched up, confused. "I mean, obviously you don't want to, but I don't know where else I can send you. Why weren't you put in to a shelter?"

Athena had said that he was on a list. How did he go from receiving humanitarian aid after being trafficked, to being trafficked in an entirely legal manner?

"You can return me if you'd like, Eddie," Buck spoke quietly, not in the carefully curated tone that he'd said everything else in thus far.

And, no, that wasn't happening. Eddie wasn't leaving a bad product review for the omega, and having him shipped back to that place. Where he'd been getting beaten and raped in the name of 'training'.

"So they can dump you on another random dude's doorstep? I don't think so."

Buck was his problem now, whether he wanted him to be or not, and what Buck wanted must come first. If that was to stay here, or for them to work at getting him his independence back in a country that liked to squash solo omegas down. Eddie would not let them hand him to another alpha who may not be so considerate.

"I'm not sure what happens when I'm returned for being unsatisfactory, Eddie, but your satisfaction is of the most importance."

Unsatisfactory. 

Eddie grimaced. Buck sounded nervous, by the thought of what would happen if he was returned, and that didn't bode well at all.

"I don't have a problem, if you want to stay here." And, okay... so maybe he didn't like the idea of having to share his home with someone obviously terrified of him, the thought of having to walk on egg shells in his safe space. And he'd become accustomed to the idea of spending the rest of his life alone, since Shannon... But he'd cope, if that's what Buck needed. "I just, I doubt you want to be here. Don't you want to be with your..." he almost said it, but stopped himself, pausing. "Your sister, where is she? Was she found?" He needed to know.

Buck stared, numbly at him. Not quite as agonised as he'd appeared when asked about his baby, but still shut down. And exhausted. 

Eddie gave a wry smile, in apology. This poor, poor omega.

"We can- we don't have to talk about it now," he assuaged, before clambering up from the floor with a groan as his knees cracked, and offered his hand to help the omega up too, just like he had earlier. Buck stared at it. Didn't take it, but did, slowly, stand.

He kept hunched in on himself, trying to appear as small as possible, as he towered over Eddie with his long legs under him. And it made for a rather pitiful sight.

Eddie's clothes were indeed not a good match on him. The pants too short, and loose around his waist, even with the strings drawn completely in. The hoodie was tight in some places, like his shoulders, but loose around his midsection as he was far slimmer than he should be at such a size.

Too thin. "Are you hungry? I'm not a very good cook." 

"I can make you food, Eddie," Buck said, and Eddie realised then what had been bothering him so much about the omega's repeated use of his name. He was using it as a place holder for 'master', not nearly as glaringly obvious but a title all the same. And how did he even begin to address that? It's not like he could tell him to stop saying his name so much, that'd be stupid.

"You don't have to." His mind drifted back to that horrible letter. M-26-E-BUCK is a brilliant cook. 

He really should be the one cooking for Buck, after everything.

But Buck didn't seem to agree, blinking at him before daring to walk off, over to Eddie's kitchen. Eddie followed, stopping in the doorway so as to not hover. 

Buck moved jerkily, shakily. Clearly on edge, about being watched, and unfamiliar with his kitchen layout.

Eddie was embarrassed when Buck opened his notably empty fridge. 

He didn't really ever cook. Survived off of takeaways and ready made meals, but that would have to change if he was responsible for another person now.

"Yes?" Eddie prompted, noticing that Buck was hesitating to speak, mouth pursing with words that weren't coming out.

"What would you like to eat, Eddie?" he asked once addressed. Another thing that'd need to be sorted, if he were to live here. Letting him know he could speak without being spoken to first.

Buck needed to know what there even was to eat, of course. And Eddie had just been standing there uselessly.

"I think there's pasta, somewhere." He moved to the cupboards, began rifling through them, and found a bag. Placed it on the counter top before pulling out a saucepan.

When he turned back to Buck, he saw him holding a Mac and Cheese sauce packet, and a tin of peas.

That would do.

He put on a strained smile to show his approval, and stepped back again to allow Buck to work with the limited resources Eddie had provided.

"We can go to the store tomorrow. Get more food, and some clothes," he promised, after the silence that had befallen them turned a little too tense.

Buck nodded, pointedly not looking in his direction. 

Water was put on to boil, and Buck stood hunched over the hob watching it, waiting nervously.

"I don't have work for the next two days. I'm a firefighter," he added, after a minute passed by like that.

Buck froze, and Eddie imagined that look he'd had earlier had reappeared on his face, the one that said he thought Eddie had said something dumb.

Because, obviously, he already knew that he was a firefighter.

Eddie just didn't know what to say, in the painstaking silence. Usually, when he was feeling awkward, he'd just leave a situation. But he couldn't do that here.

"I just got off a 24 hour shift, and I always get 48 hours off in between." Internally, Eddie was pleading with himself to stop talking just for the sake of talking. But he had a question to ask first. "Will you... will you be alright here all day, on your own?"

A breath fell from Buck's mouth. He placed the pasta in the now boiled water, before turning to Eddie, head remaining low. "I won't run away, Eddie," he promised, assuming that that was what he had been worried about. 

Which it wasn't, but he was relieved to hear that irregardless to how he'd earlier been hoping he would run.

"It's dangerous for omegas to run away," he consoled. California was a lot different to Texas, and yet painfully similar. In Texas, things were a lot more traditional. Omegas were raised to stay in the home, and married off as soon as they hit puberty. Which was bad, but did create a general facade of safety, as they were almost always in the care of an alpha their entire lives, and while many alphas didn't respect an omega's autonomy, they did at the very least respect another alpha's property, so would stay away.

In California, omegas were less forced in to such roles, though there was still an expectation there. However, that extra autonomy came at the cost of the people here feeling far more comfortable with disrespecting them and their bodies.

It was dangerous out there, for a solo omega, especially an unmated one. And while Eddie wouldn't report him if he ran away, because Buck would get in to big trouble for running from him (he currently held all legality over him, like he would if they were mated, due to the fact that Buck had been made in to a ward of the State and sold to his custody), it would still be incredibly unsafe incase he should get caught by someone else. The punishment for runaway omegas was ridiculous and horrifying, given most runaways were the result of abuse.

"But I don't want you to feel trapped here," he sighed then, not liking the idea of keeping the man locked up in his home all day, left waiting for him to return. He was an adult, he shouldn't have to rely on a stranger he'd been sold off to to leave the house. "Is there anything I can do to make you more safe when you're out on your own?"

Buck tilted his head to the side in thought. "You can collar me if you'd like, Eddie."

He was still wearing that stupid bow around his neck, probably to cover his scent glands in placement of a proper collar.

"I'd like it if you didn't have to wear one," he grumbled. 

There'd been far too many cases of uncollared omegas being grabbed and forcefully mated, like a giant free for all, that it was too dangerous for him to go outside without one, and that sucked. Traditionally, a collar was a mark of a married and mated omega, private property, but now it had become a sign of which omegas were most vulnerable to attack, and which weren't. An uncollered omega had become a sign of an omega who didn't respect themselves, who flaunted their glands in purposeful temptation, and alphas were rarely punished for acting on that as it was largely considered them asking for it, if they left the house like that.

Buck's eyes widened in alarm, at his words. "Um... okay, I won't wear one," he gnawed at his bottom lip, in anxiety that quickly permitted into his scent, making Eddie's head spin.

He quickly realised his mistake.

"Oh, no I didn't mean it like that!"

Buck thought he wanted to send him out there, knowing what would happen, without one. And he'd agreed to it. "I mean, I wish it was safe enough out there for you to be okay without wearing one." Eddie's hands came up, rubbing at his face. Long, long day. "Of course I'll get you a collar. We can look in the store tomorrow."

For now, the bow would have to suffice. Not that Buck needed to wear it indoors, but he didn't want to say that incase it was making him feel safer around Eddie, having his neck covered. 

Still, it looked uncomfortable and he hated it.

He opted to remain silent, lest he say something else stupid, as the rest of dinner was made. He moved to the scarcely used dining table to wait, as Buck plated it up.

Eddie offered a quiet thanks and a smile, when Buck brought him a large plate to the table, setting it carefully in front of him. Then very nearly screamed when Buck sunk down to his knees next to his chair, without any food.

"Where's your plate?" his stomach twisted, already anticipating the answer.

"I'll eat whatever leftovers are permitted, Eddie," Buck replied, docilely. And then the omega's stomach growled, a pink flush spreading across his face as it did.

Eddie's chair scraped across the floor as he quickly stood, and Buck jerked away, landing on his elbow as though having expected to be hit. Instead, Eddie left for the kitchen, returning with a plate. He sat down in his chair again, jaw tight at the way Buck shivered at his feet, and piled on half of his food on to the other plate. He wanted to give Buck more, since he'd cooked and obviously needed to eat, but he didn't want to freak the omega out by having less than him.

"Sit on the chair," he ordered, not caring to change his tone because he truly was reaching breaking point by then, and just wanted to get some food in to the omega and then go to bed.

Buck scurried to comply, moving so quickly that his long legs were lagging behind him, wobbly like a baby deer, before plonking ungracefully in to the chair.

"Eat this. It's yours," he pushed the plate over, and a fork, then with no other comment began to eat his own food, hoping casualness was the way to go.

Buck stared at his plate, and peeked up at him. Eddie pretended not to notice, not acknowledging him.

Eventually, Buck picked up his fork and took a cautious stab at some pasta, holding it in the air for several moments to see if he'd be reprimanded before placing it in to his mouth. 

The first swallow went down like cement, but when Eddie continued to ignore him he quickly got over his nerves and began to shovel the pasta in, eating like he'd never eat again. 

Eddie didn't want to disturb him by attempting conversation, so they had dinner in silence but for the clattering of cutlery and half starved groans.

Buck slowed down only when he neared the end of his meal, and Eddie assumed it was because he was savouring what was left, but was quickly proven wrong when the fork clattered to his plate.

He looked over just as Buck stood, the man going as pale as a sheet. Wobbled on his feet, hand shakily coming up to cover his mouth with a look of horror, and just as Eddie realised what was happening the omega sprinted in to the kitchen and the sound of vomiting filled the air.

Eddie quickly stood and followed after him, hurrying over to place a hand on the heaving man's back without a thought, and Buck didn't pull way as all of the food came surging up in to the trash can.

"Sorry. 'M sorry," was sobbed out, in between retching, and it was as Eddie went to rub at the back, up and down, that Buck finally flinched away from his touch with a fearful whine.

The stupid bow was obviously restricting his throat, because the omega began clawing at it, ripping it off as he heaved for breaths, before his shaky knees gave out and he fell to the floor. Eddie went down with him, and dumbly thought that he should get them both knee pads with the way things had been going.

As Buck continued to dry heave in to the trash, Eddie's hands remained twitching at his sides, so eager to reach out and help but not wanting to make things worse.

The omega's pretty eyes were shiny under a sheen of tears, his face flushed unhealthily as he sniffled upon finally finishing. He was obviously embarrassed, and upset, and scared. "I didn't know where the bathroom was. Sorry," he cried, curling in on himself pitifully, tremors wracking his frame. "God, I'm a mess, I'm so sorry. I think I ate too much. Not that- that I don't wanna eat. Un-unless you don't want me too! Sorry."

His breaths came out in panicked pants, and Eddie hated to see it.

But he didn't know how to comfort people, he wasn't good at it. With his sisters, and... Shannon, he'd used to pull them in to a hug and hope that that would help, but he couldn't do that here.

So instead, Eddie made hopefully soothing shushing noises, and focused on emitting calming pheromones to show that he wasn't angry. He couldn't afford to let his emotions show, and fortunately he was a master at disguising how he was feeling.

Buck sniffled, rubbing tiredly at his face. "Sorry for- for makin' a mess, and crying. It won't happen again, Eddie. Promise."

"You don't need to apologise."

The omega froze, and dared to look at him, his eyes still watery and skin clammy from being sick. "Do you like that, Eddie?"

"Like what?" he asked, confused. 

Buck bit his lip, and leaned forwards a little. Sort of... promiscuously, or at least trying to be.

"Seeing omegas cry."

Oh.

That- that shouldn't even be a question. 

Quick to cry, will take anything that it's given, the letter had said.

"No. No, of course not, it's awful," the scent omegas had when upset and frightened physically hurt, it was always so tangent and raw. Eddie didn't understand how anyone enjoyed it. People who took pleasure in hurting omegas were sick freaks. "But crying is natural," he added beletadly afterwards, despite having always been taught otherwise. And, admittedly, too embarrassed to do it himself. Buck was also eager to please, and he didn't want him to fear reparations for crying just because Eddie hated it.

He swallowed, feeling like throwing up himself. 

It had been a long day for both of them and he was more than ready to call it quits. Not that he thought he could get any sleep tonight, but maybe tomorrow would be better with a fresh head. 

"Clean up can wait until tomorrow. Let's just go to bed, okay?" His house was one bedroom. Eddie would take the couch, but that wasn't a sustainable option if Buck was staying here long term. 

So, an awkward night of laying awake wondering what the hell he was going to do with himself tomorrow was ahead. 

"I'm sorry," Buck whispered a final time, and Eddie opted to not comment and instead just force on a smile.

He was so bad at this.

Eddie grabbed some more water in case the omega should feel sick again, and took it to his bedroom, placing it on a bedside table.

Buck hadn't followed, so he had to reemerge to ask him to, trying to appear as unthreatening as possible as he did. And of course Buck fucking crawled again, like a dog with its tale tucked between his legs. So much for the small amount of progress they'd made while making dinner.

"That's your side. Bathrooms through this door, and I'm just going to get changed in there, okay?" He would offer Buck different clothes to sleep in, but sweatpants and tank top were what Eddie generally wore to bed anyway. Tomorrow he could pick something else, if he preferred different sleepwear.

Buck nodded in understanding. 

Eddie went through the motions of getting ready for bed, with his head finally shutting up, going peacefully numb for the short amount of time that it took. Getting changed, putting his washing in the hamper, brushing his teeth, and splashing his face with cold water again. He clutched the sink at the end, stared at himself in the mirror for several long moments like an angsty teen, just breathing, before daring to exit, expecting to find Buck exactly as he'd left him.

Surprisingly, Buck had actually taken initiative to get on to the bed. 

But not in the way that Eddie would have hoped he would.

He was kneeling- when was he not kneeling- with his ass up, and head pressed in to the pillow, facing away from Eddie. His chest was moving up and down jerkily, obviously panicked as he presented for him, waiting in anticipation to be taken advantage of. 

Eddie blinked at the sight for several moments in disbelief. 

Absolutely fuck everyone who'd ever neared this poor omega.

Feeling numb again, Eddie carefully got on to his side of the bed, and used one of his pillows to place between them both. "I stay on my side, you stay on your side. Okay?" he said, before lying down, pulling the bedsheets over him. 

Buck didn't move, didn't breathe. No indication that he'd heard. Eddie turned off the lamp, hoping that he'd settle soon when he realised nothing was going to happen.

"Good night," he added for good measure. Really trying to drill in the point that that was all this was, a place to sleep.

It was gradual, Buck relaxing. His arms eventually stopped holding himself up on his elbows, face smushing against the pillow. Then his legs slowly slid out from under him until he was just laying on his belly. 

"Night, Eddie," he whispered, in to the dark.

And Eddie went cold at the realisation that this was their first of many nights in bed together. 

Chapter Text

Eddie didn't sleep.

Unsurprisingly.

His body was exhausted from work, but his mind was going wild with every slight movement that the body next to him made.

Movements that gradually increased with time.

At first, Buck stayed unnaturally still, his breaths shallow and short, measured.

And Eddie could picture his blue eyes so easily, staring ahead, terrified each time that Eddie shifted, waiting for him to reach over and take him.

Then, eventually, Eddie dozed off ever so slightly, and his heavier breathing must have made Buck think he was in a proper sleep.

At first came a little wiggle, just testing the limits, followed by an influx of anxiety in the air as Buck froze up again.

Eddie kept his breathing heavy, and squeezed his eyes closed when, eventually, Buck slowly sat up and peered over at him. After making sure that Eddie was 'asleep', came a soft sigh of relief.

And Buck stayed sitting there, for several long moments, in contemplation. And it was Eddie fighting to stay still, his ears strained to listen to each slight movement.

He tensed slightly when he felt the bedsheets lift up, allowing in cool air from the oscillating fan above. Buck paused, yet again staring over at him, wary of disturbing him, before daring to lift his legs off of the bed, to the floor.

Then, ever so gradually, he stood up. Using his hands to maintain some weight on the mattress, before carefully lifting those to.

Eddie bit at the inside of his cheek, to keep from saying anything, wondering where he was going.

Tried not to reflexively grin as he felt Buck's eyes baring in to him again, just focused on keeping a steady rhythm of breaths through his mouth.

And then quiet shuffles filled the room.

He squinted one eye open, just to find himself stupidly endeared to see Buck's cartoonish tiptoeing, the man's hands extended to the side with each exaggerated step.

And then Eddie was alone.

Buck having gone somewhere. 

Eddie opened both of his eyes, and lay there for several long moments, struggling to pick up on each small movement made through the house.

Was he trying to leave, or looking for something to gut Eddie in his sleep? He wasn't too sure what he'd do in either situation.

And, just as curiosity was getting the best of him and he considered slipping out of bed too, he heard the kitchen sink run. 

Just getting a drink?

Except, it ran for a while, and there was clattering through cupboards too.

With a huff, Eddie lifted the sheets off of him and got up, making sure to keep his steps light and his scent steady as he slipped out of his room and padded over to the kitchen. 

Luckily, Buck had his back to him. Standing over kitchen the sink, his arm moving as he appeared to be rubbing at something.

Scrubbing the dishes, upon further reflection.

That is what he snook out of bed for.

Out of all the troublesome ideas he'd been conjuring in his mind, the simplicity of this caught him entierely off guard.

And so he stood there, just watching Buck's movements, wanting to offer help but not wanting to spook him.

Something must have given him away anyway, because after about a minute Buck tensed up completely, freezing.

And just as Buck braved turning to look behind him, Eddie ducked behind the wall, grimacing as he wondered if he'd been caught creepily staring from the shadows.

When nothing came of it Eddie hurried back to bed, to feign sleep once again. Hoping that the omega would come and lie down soon, because it had been a long day and he shouldn't be doing all of that.

He'd cooked, and been through a terrible ordeal, Eddie should be the one cleaning.

And yet, Buck took his time tidying the kitchen, and then snuck through the bedroom with the trash can in hand to empty it of its puke in the bathroom, barely pausing to check that he was still asleep.

Forty minutes after Buck initially snook out of bed, he finally made careful, quiet movements to slip back in to it.

And Eddie was both relieved that the omega was resting, yet also tense again at having him so close, working to keep a facade of sleep.

Because actual sleep never came for either of them.

Turns out, Buck fidgeted when he thought he was going unnoticed. A lot.

And all night long, while Eddie tried to remain still, Buck squirmed and scratched and fiddled, all of the movements he subdued when awake.

And Eddie was nearly out of his mind with being so on edge and bored for so long, that he was eager to start the day the moment the sun began to filter in through the window.

He put on a show, to give Buck plenty of warning. Started with moving his leg, which alone made Buck freeze. Then he rubbed at his eyes before stretching his arms out with a yawn.

Finally, he sat up.

Buck had taken to facing him in bed, probably to keep an eye on things. And Eddie almost snorted, when he saw blue eyes quickly close upon being noticed.

Well, at least the omega didn't appear so on edge now, just skittish. Something about spending a night with their bodies pressed close together, and nothing awful becoming of it, must have worn down his defences a little.

"Good morning," Eddie spoke first, voice groggy and dry.

Buck immediately dropped his pretending to be asleep, and squinted his eyes open again. Blinking up at him for just a moment, before dutifully averting his gaze.

"Morning, Mast- Eddie."

He rubbed at his eyes again, trying to subdue the exhaustion to, somehow, make it through the day with an omega who was terrified of him.

God. Some reward.

"Coffee?" He asked, of about the only thing he could think of that could make this situation mildly better.

Buck quickly perked up, like he hadn't been tossing and turning all night.

"Yeah, I can make you coffee, Eddie," he nodded, with a sort of disconcerting eagerness in his eyes.

So ready to do anything for him. And, seriously, what the hell had happened to him? He'd was certain he could make a comment about jumping off bridges, and Buck would take it upon himself to offer to go head first.

"I was asking if you wanted one."

He was certain there were plenty of people out there who would be absolutely relishing this. Having a beautiful man, so eager to do anything, take anything, whatever was desired.

To Eddie, it was just unsettling. Painfully aware how fake the acting was, knowing that inside there was no way Buck really wanted to be some stranger's slave. He was forced to play dedicated, solely out of fear. That was apparent, by the moments he'd seen thus far, of the cracks in his performance when emotions got the better of him.

Buck reached over and placed his hand on Eddie's thigh, beneath the sheet, and he instantly tensed beneath the squeeze. "I want to make it for you. Please, Eddie."

Like he was being held at gun point, forced to smile. Like a bullet would go off at any moment, if he didn't do his job properly. That was what Buck looked like, as he waited to be made useful, face pulled into a smile as his eyes screamed.

"Okay," Eddie breathily agreed, if only to avoid that look any longer.

And Buck relaxed, before scurrying out to the kitchen.

Eddie sat there for several moments longer, recollecting himself, before heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth and pull on some clothes. His morning routine would have to wait until he got Buck settled.

Buck was still in the kitchen when he came out. He must have taken the time last night to map out where things were, because he'd placed an array of items on the kitchen table for the drinks. 

Only one cup though, of course.

"I didn't know what you wanted. How do you like your coffee, Eddie?" Buck asked, fingers fiddling with the drawstring of his sweatpants.

"Sugar and a bit of milk's fine," he said, as he went over to the cupboard to get a second cup. Placing it down on the counter as Buck generously stirred sugar in to Eddie's drink, he grabbed the brewed coffee pot to make Buck's. "How do you like it?"

The omega blinked at him, faltering in his ministrations. Again, a crack in the performance.

Yeah, he doubted they trained omegas on how to respond to being asked personal preferences. He doubted they'd trained them how to respond to consideration at all. The bastards.

"I'm okay with black, Eddie," Buck eventually settled on. And, based solely on the wording, he guessed that he was just picking what was easiest, as opposed to what he actually liked.

But he wasn't going to push. Not now.

He poured Buck a big cup, and slid it over to him, as Buck slid over his.

"Thank you, Eddie." 

"Thank you, Buck."

He opted not to acknowledge the blatant staring, as Buck waited until he'd had a sip to have one of his own.

No, instead Eddie closed his eyes. Waiting for the caffeine to slowly reach his brain, rid it of its fog, and relax ever so slightly.

Eddie was used to the quiet. It was part and parcel of living alone, after all, and he usually didn't mind it. 

Usually.

Now, it just felt awkward, knowing that Buck was standing there waiting eagerly for the next word, next order, next direction.

"Any preference on what stores we go to?"

"Wherever you'd like, Eddie."

The expected response. 

"Okay," he sighed, biting back agitation. It wasn't Buck's fault, he was behaving exactly as he'd been taught to. "Well, there's a mall not far from here. We should be able to get clothes, groceries, and a proper collar for you while we're there."

"Awesome, thank you, Eddie."

His name was beginning to sound weird, from how many times Buck had said it.

But, if he ignored the why behind the use of the title, it was kind of endearing, he supposed.

They continued drinking their coffees in silence, and it was as Eddie took the last sip of his and moved to place it in the sink that he picked up on Buck's mouth opening, then closing. Wanting to speak, but unwilling to.

"You can talk," Eddie said, before biting the inside of his cheek as that sounded too much like a direction. "Whenever, I mean. You don't have to wait for me to."

Buck bit his lower lip, once again blinking at him through his lashes. "You'll regret saying that, Eddie."

At that, he raised a surprised brow. "Oh?"

He turned from the sink, peering over at the omega.

And Buck just faltered entirely.

"Just 'cause I talk too much. That wasn't, like, a threat or anything. I will try to be good," he suddenly let burst out, words coming out harried and abrupt, rather than carefully curated. 

Another crack.

"I don't mind listening to you talk," Eddie said. And really, he didn't. Or at least, he wouldn't when Buck spoke normally, like he had all those months ago.

The robotic replies that had largely been taking up their conversations thus far were unsettling, to say the least.

But it was better than unnerving silence.

"But you'll tell me to shut up when it's too much, right?" Buck tilted his head, before making an awkward movement towards him, placing his own cup on kitchen counter. "Sorry, I mean, you don't have to do that. I'll know when's enough, Eddie. Just... you can tell me to stop too. If you want."

Okay.

Well, Buck was talking.

What he was saying wasn't exactly good, but it wasn't practiced all the same.

Eddie would take it.

"I'm out of cereal, we'll have to get breakfast out," he replied, in lue of offering reassurances that would surely fall on deaf ears that he really wouldn't get annoyed with him for talking too much.

Buck's fingers continued to fiddled with the drawstring of his sweatpants, before thinning out his plump lips to keep them shut and offering a nod.

Eddie found himself clean clothes, equally as unfitting but clean all the same.

Buck appeared immensely grateful, eyes gleaming with wonder, and despite himself Eddie couldnt help but hear a high pitched voice in his head saying Master has given Dobby a sock, and let out a weak laugh.

Once dressed, they were off out.

And Buck paused by his truck as though questioning where Eddie wanted him, his eyes flickering over to the back of it like he was expecting to be stowed away like cargo.

Eddie dully wondered if that was how he'd gotten here. Thrown in the back of a delivery van with all the other packages, and dumped on his step.

He held open the passenger side door and gestured for Buck to get in, earning another undeserved thanks.

The journey was short but made longer with early morning traffic.

And Eddie ran his hand over his face, trying to remain patient, as he struggled through it in a stifling silence.

Buck's eyes remained glued out of the window, taking in all of the sights with a sort of starvation that said he maybe hadn't seen much of the outside world as of late.

Eddie had no clue what the rehabilitation center had been like, but he gathered Buck hadn't had many road trips.

And before that he'd been locked inside that godawful Heat House for months.

Knowing Buck was relishing in just seeing outside, Eddie didnt mind being stuck in unmoving traffic just to pull in to McDonald's drive through quite so much.

Of course Buck had no input on what he wanted to eat, merely stating he'd be fine with whatever Eddie gave him.

Given he threw up last night, Eddie decided it would be best Buck stick to something light anyway, opting for porridge, another coffee, and a sausage muffin for if he was feeling up to it (Buck was a big guy, he needed protein).

He went for the same, to be on equal footing.

Buck was practically giddy being handed the food, like he really couldn't believe his luck. Clutching the bag tightly to his chest, to wait until they'd pulled up in the shopping mall parking lot to eat with him. 

One hand rested on Eddie's upper thigh, fingertips trailing inwards to the bulge in his jeans, as the omega gave his thanks.

He couldn't very well jerk away like he had before, not while he was driving. 

And so instead was resigned to feel guilty for demanding that Buck stop touching him, causing the omega to pull away as though burned and stare at him sadly, mumbling an apology.

They had breakfast in silence, and Buck thanked him again. This time without touching.

~~~~~

The sound of whistling and a shout of "how much?" had Eddie pausing in his steps, just as they were about to walk in to the mall.

At first, he was just left confused by the words, until he picked up on the scent Buck's sudden terror, and he felt his shoulders square.

He twisted on his feet to look over at where the noise had originated from.

Four college students sat on a bench, shit eating grins on all of their faces, quite clearly feeling full of themselves.

Eddie narrowed his eyes. "How much for what?"

They ignored him, and the one sat next to the boy who'd initially spoken leaned forwards, his eyes scanning Buck up and down in a way that made the omega squirm.

Eddie stepped closer to Buck, going to reach for his arm to take, before being sidetracked.

"How much for a taste, I'll lick you out good!" Chirped the first, stupidly brave whilst surrounded by friends.

"Come on, give us a smile, sweetheart!" Hollered another, as though encouraged.

"Love me a big bitch!" Snickered a third, only the forth guy hovering at the side remained quiet, wary.

And Buck's knees wobbled beneath him, as though unsure whether to kneel at the sudden onslaught being thrown his way, to fold in on himself and become as small and unimposing as he could be, at 6'2.

Eddie's gaze honed in on the guy at the center of it all, at his too sharp smile and leery green eyes.

Then he made quick, precise steps towards the group.

"Did you just insult my omega?" He asked, tone coming out a sort of calm that he most certainly did not feel.

And finally, their laughter faltered.

The asshole's face betrayed just a quick flash of worry, going to backtrack.

"Hey, man, it was just a-"

Too late.

Eddie's fist swung for that stupid cocky grin, smashing into the side of the guy's face.

The other three students lurched up to their feet, stumbling back a good few steps with their jaws hanging open, as their friend moaned in pain.

Eddie wasted no more time on them, spinning around to his omega who'd gone incredibly pale and wide eyed. And, only then he faltered. Feeling mildly guilty, not for what he'd done but for doing it in front of Buck.

Buck, who had without a doubt had enough violent alphas in his life.

He should've dragged the guy into the parking lot and dealt with him there.

"Come on, Buck," Eddie said, before carefully placing his hand on the man's shoulder and guiding him in to the building, away from them.

Eddie's heart pounded in his chest, adrenaline rushing through him at the stinging of his knuckles. A satisfying sting.

He ignored the stares and whispers coming their way, and just pulled Buck along to somewhere quieter, only stopping then to begin his apologies.

Just to be beaten to the- well, the punch.

"I'm sorry," Buck muttered, staring holes in to the floor and shifting from nervously foot to foot.

Eddie took several seconds to make sure he heard that right.

"You're sorry?"

Really, he'd love to know how Buck felt he should be taking the blame for Eddie losing his shit on some assholes.

"I didn't mean to attract attention. I know I'm yours, Eddie," he said, shoulders so tense they basically came up to his ears.

Eddie was unable to come up with a response. How the hell did Buck attract attention, he was literally just walking.

When he didn't reply, Buck edged forwards to him a little.

"Is your hand okay?" He asked, staring at Eddie's still clenched fist with deeply furrowed brows. Like he was actually worried about his wellbeing.

Buck's hand reaching over to take Eddie's throbbing one, before stopping as he evidently remembered the no touching rule (not the kind of touching he'd been turning down, but whatever).That shook him out of his shock.

"Everything's fine," he said, despite the contrary being true. Nothing about their situation was fine. "Those assholes shouldn't have spoken to you like that."

"It's my fault," Buck spoke shamefully, like he really did believe what he was saying. "You know I was a slut, but I promise I'm not anymore. I'm just yours, and I'll be better."

Eddie wanted to rip his own hair out. And hit things, a lot of things.

Instead, he just stared at the omega in a sort of heartbroken awe, his stomach twisted in pain.

"I don't know where to even begin with you," Eddie said, regretting it immediately when Buck recoiled as though struck. 

"Sorry, Eddie."

Eddie pursed his lips, and shook his head. When they got home, they were going to have to set some ground rules, because they couldn't carry on like this.

"Let's get you a collar first, that thing's too tight," he said, eager to move on for now at least. They couldn't have the conversation they needed to in public.

"Okay, thank you, Eddie," Buck readily agreed, discreetly wiping at his face before taking to following after him.

As they walked, Eddie examined each face they past, glowering without even really realising it at anyone who so much as dared to look for too long in Buck's direction, silently daring them to say anything.

Then they got to a small store dedicated to omegan accessories, specifically collars, piercings, and other bodily adornments.

"Hello! How can I help you today, sir?" A store attendant, a younger woman with several piercings in her nose and lips, was quick to approach them, smiling politely at Eddie.

Buck clasped his hands behind his back and ducked his head, standing back from them both.

"We're looking for a collar," he said, and the woman spared a short glance at Buck, studying his neck.

"Would you like a more decorative one, similar to that?"

“No," he quickly objected, before pausing to glance over at Buck and make sure that he was correct in his assumption that the omega wouldn't want something so garish as a bow wrapped around his throat.

Buck showed no opinion on the matter. At least, not until his added comment of "whatever Buck likes."

At that, the omega did glance up. Surprise flickering across his face, but he didn't say anything, having gone back to being silent and submissive in the presence of others.

And, much to Eddie's agitation, the woman didn't seem too assuaged by his words either. Her eyes staying on Eddie as she spoke, taking them over to the display cases of collars whilst completely ignoring the one who'd actually be wearing it.

If not for having already scared Buck with his fits of anger, he would have been sure to say something. 

Instead Eddie grew increasingly unsettled by the stock being pushed into his face, not quite grasping just how much choice there was. And not a lot of good choices.

Some simple leather collars, some polyester. Some decorated in glitter or studded in a way that would have Buck looking like a street hooker. Some had patterns clearly designed for cats or dogs, with matching animal ears to be tied to the omega's head. And some could be personalised to have words written on to them.

It was those that Eddie really began to feel sick at, upon reading the ones showcased with words such as ‘Cum Slut’ and ‘Bitch’ etched in to the bands, for all to see.

By far the worst however, were the ones that could be modified in several ways using his phone. And no, it wasn't just because he disliked smart devices in general.

There were some that could be tracked at all times, others that were able to tighten in on itself to cut off an omega's airways at a mere press of a finger. It was the restricting metal collar with prongs on the inside, to send electrical shocks to sensitive glands, that made Buck finally break from his silent trailing after Eddie.

The omega let out a little whine, hands coming up to his neck as though feeling the pain already, and Eddie had had more than enough of this. 

"We just want something simple and comfortable," he interrupted as she began to delve in to how he could set it to automatically shock Buck if he engaged in ant unwanted behaviours, feeling quesy at the thought.

How could anyone do that to another living person, much less an omega, sweet and doting by nature, reliant on their mate?

She hummed, before taking them over to some plain ones stuffed away in a corner.

"This one’s well padded,” she said, passing ome over to him. “The edges are made thicker for maximal comfort over the scent glands, and the buckle fits into a silk pocket that you can buy separately, so that it doesn't pinch skin.”

And this wasn't the standard one at the front of the store why?

This should be all that was sold here, not the cheap unwanted leftovers at the back.

And Eddie would like to believe it was only shoved away because it was cheaper than the others, without any added adornments, so they were just pushing sales of the more expensive products. But they wouldn't be doing that if there wasn't enough clientele for it. Meaning enough people were coming in here, and buying those horrid things to wrap around their omega's neck.

He hummed, unwilling to express gratitude to the woman who'd been staunchly ignoring Buck, as he padded his thumbs in to the material.

"It is soft. Do you want to feel it, Buck?"

Buck poked it with his pointer finger, and nodded along pliantly, not offering any opinions on the matter but visibly relieved at Eddie's lack of interest in the other collars.

Finally, with little other viable options, Eddie said "I think we'll have one of these. And a silk pouch too."

"No problem, what colour can I get those in, sir?"

There was an entire array of colours, a couple of patterned ones too (simple patterns, not like the garish ones they'd seen before).

Weirdly, despite not being a particular fan of the colour himself, Eddie's eyes were drawn to a glossy pink one. Pink, like Buck's mouth, and his rosy cheeks, and the peculiar mark above his brow. It would look so lovely, with the lighter colours of his hair glimmering beneath the sun.

But that wasn't a good reason to pick a colour that Buck would have to wear each time he left the house. And Eddie really shouldn't be thinking about Buck's mouth, in the process.

"Do you have a colour preference, Buck?" He asked, unsurprised at the startled look he received in return. Buck was very expressive, even without saying anything. So Eddie could tell that he just wanted to get the hell out of there already.

He grabbed one closest to him, and held it up to Buck's neck, putting on a show of squinting to critically examine his choice.

"This blue matches your eyes nicely," he commented, again looking for input.

Buck just gave a small smile in return.

It was like his voice had been completely zapped out of him, after seeing all of those horrible other choices.

Eddie sighed.

You couldn't really go wrong with blue, no one had strong feelings against it and it matched well with most other colours.

It was the best choice, and besides, it wasn't like they couldn't buy another one if it turned out that Buck didn't like it.

Eddie tried not to consider too much about how his forseable future now involved Buck, and that he'd be walking on eggshells for the duration of it.

Because if he contemplated, for even a moment, how he was now stuck like this, he'd surely forget to breathe.

And Buck did not deserve his discontempt, he was just as stuck with Eddie as Eddie was him. In fact, even more so. Buck had no say in the matter whatsoever.

"The blue, please."

Once paid for, Eddie took Buck's arms again and led him over to the restrooms opposite the store, feeling himself relax at being away from those horrible contraptions and the other customers who'd walked in there as they paid, an incredibly large alpha with a half naked omega crawling after him on a leash.

Buck went along pliantly, of course.

Eddie pulled them safely inside of a disabled toilet, and for whatever reason the sound of the lock clicking into place registered in Buck's brain as his indication to sink down to his knees and place his face a mere inch away from Eddie's cock, blinking up at him. "Thank you, Eddie."

He did not touch this time, at the very least, his hands staying respectfully clasped behind his back. But the suggestion was still there. 

Every time Eddie did something Buck deemed especially generous (ie, met his most basic needs), it seemed he'd been taught to offer himself up for sex.

Eddie swallowed. "You're welcome, Buck," he spoke simply. Then, he reached down. Buck's soft lips opened in an expectant 'o', just to be caught surprised when instead of shoving his fingers down to his throat, Eddie gently stroked his cheek. Then became even more surprised when he kneeled down too, not having it in him to care about how gross it was to be on a public restroom floor. 

"Let's get this off you," he said, his fingers slowly slipping down from Buck's cheek to the bow around his neck. "Can I?"

It would be entierely understandable if Buck didn't want to bare his glands in front of Eddie just yet, he certainly hadn't earned his trust.

And yet, Buck surprised him by dutifully reclining his head back, baring his throat for Eddie's taking.

Ridiculously willing. 

Eddie's fingers fumbled over the silver string, eager to ride the man of it. He felt himself wince in sympathy at the red line bruised in to Buck's throat. He hadn't realised it had been that tight on him.

He allowed his fingertips to grave over the warm skin, watched Buck shudder, his pupils dilated at being touched in one of his most sensitive parts.

Dilated, and notably not scared. Which was... strange. Buck had been so scared, all the time around him thus far. So baring his throat and glands for the first time should be terrifying.

And yet, Buck's scent was sweet, alluringly so, filling up the room and mingling with Eddie's own scent. 

He felt himself shudder in tandem as he breathed it in, and watched Buck's adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

Then he lifted the shiny new collar up. Hating having to put something around that sore neck again, but knowing that he had to.

Until later at least.

He took great care in clipping it on, stroking back the hair at the nape of Buck's scalp, and sliding the pouch across the clasp once done so that it was one soft circle.

And Eddie was right, it was the perfect match for Buck's eyes.

"We'll put cream on your neck when we're home," he said, voice coming out quiet and soft. His fingers trailed slightly down Buck's neck, before finally pulling away. "Thank you for trusting me, Buck."

Buck appeared surprised again, at the praise. But then when he smiled, he seemed to genuinely mean it.

Chapter Text

Shopping for clothes went about as well as shopping for collars had.

Buck shuffling behind him, passive and quiet, as Eddie exhaustedly left room for input, again and again, just to be left unanswered.

The omega clothing stores were a complete waste of time.

While male omegas had perhaps the most diverse range of fashion choices, from jeans and sweatpants, to tiny booty shorts and sparkly tank tops, to frilly modest dresses, their sizing was not so diverse. 

Nowhere in the two omegan fashion stores they went to had clothes long enough to cover Buck's legs, or wide enough for his broad shoulders, or tight enough for his slim waist.

And Eddie hated seeing Buck's flushed cheeks, understandably embarrassed as several people peered over at them, a couple of teen girls snickering, as they tried to find something at least big enough to not roll up his frame.

So, he took Buck's hand and pulled him to a regular store, hoping that Buck wasn't a fan of more feminine articles of clothing because the only chance they had of finding pants that fit was in the alpha and beta men's section.

Why omegan fashion was seperated anyways, when it was essentially the exact same stuff just not divided between men's and women's, was beyond him.

He made quick work of locating any and all viable options, blatantly staring back at anyone rude enough to judge his omega for being there, until they felt ashamed enough to look away.

They needed a whole new wardrobe, so Eddie decided it best to just get the basics today, and then hopefully by the next time they went shopping (an idea that had never sounded so unappealing before), Buck would be willing to share some of his personal preferences.

He grabbed two pairs of jeans in the longest leg length, and held them up to Buck. Looked perfect, came down just to his ankles.

They'd be be too loose around his waist though, a belt was needed, but Eddie had plenty of those to spare.

He threw the jeans in to the shopping cart, along with a pair of sweatpants and some soft cotton shorts.

Then tops. A couple of vests, plain shirts, and a sweater. 

Buck obediently lifted his arms up each time Eddie asked him to slip something on over his head, to make sure that everything fitted just right. It was difficult because Buck was built like he was supposed to be huge, have lots of muscle and healthy fat, but he'd been skinned down to have a soft toned stomach that didn't fit his hulking frame (better than the half starved whilst pregnant combo he'd had the first time they'd met).

Then came socks, and underwear, and finally a pair of shoes.

He kneeled down and took a hold of one of Buck's big feet, and slipped off Eddie's too small shoe to replace it with one of the new ones. Perfect fit, in the cart they went.

Clothes and collar were done, now all that was left was groceries.

Eddie had gone almost completely silent by then, having absolutely no energy to keep up a pretence of being okay, when Buck had withdrawn into himself completely, from all the weird looks and comments they got.

The entire day had been awful, and he just wanted to get it over with and get back to- well, even more awfulness at home, probably.

There was no escaping it.

Not for him, and certainly not for Buck, who looked just as weary as Eddie felt.

Maybe tonight one of them would manage to fall asleep.

"Any food allergies?" Eddie asked as they walked in to the grocery store, having resigned himself to the fact that Buck wouldn't tell him anything he liked to eat, if asked. Hopefully, he'd at least give him this.

Buck shook his head.

So, Eddie bought everything he'd normally get (mostly stuff for quick and easy meals), as well as a few additional items that he figured Buck could use if he wanted to cook something.

Thankfully, nothing happened in the grocery store; most of the customers in there were omegas doing their weekly shops, and if anything Eddie was the one made to feel out of place.

When he was a lone alpha nobody batted an eye, but now because he had an omega at his side it was like everyone thought it was strange, for him to be there too.

By the end of it all, they were both lugging multiple bags, and Eddie's wallet was feeling notably lighter.

Of course giving him a cheque to actually provide for the omega they'd dumped on his doorstep was just too much to ask for.

He was certain there was some bullshit excuse as to why he wasn't owed a stipend, something about how clothing an omega was entirely optional and that they didn't count as a second mouth to feed because they could just live off of leftovers.

Whatever, there were certainly worse ways to spend his money than on a far too thin omega, who certainly deserved far more than the minimum Eddie had provided.

Buck was silent on the drive back, fingers fiddling with his seatbelt in nerves, and Eddie didn't try to talk either. 

Only when they'd brought all of the bags inside, covering every available surface with their shopping, did Buck sink down to his knees. This time, he placed his hands on the floor too, and curled his back so that both his ass and head were raised up. "Thank you so much, Eddie," he smiled, a forced little thing, and Eddie felt nauseous beneath the gaze of those blue hazed over eyes, the omega clearly attempting to space out in anticipation for the worst.

Eddie's hands came up to cover his face, rubbing at his forehead as his skull pounded in a headache.

He wanted to be alone. He needed a break already, and it hadn't even been twenty four hours yet, how was he possibly supposed to adjust to living with Buck in a one bedroom house? Would every waking moment of their lives from now on feel so uncomfortable, remind him of just how fucked up society was?

And yes, Eddie was aware it was selfish, and Buck was far worse off than him, but he couldn't help but feel so incredibly annoyed by it all.

He hadn't wanted a mate.

Not since Shannon.

And he loved helping omegas at work, helping people in general to become safe, but he hadn't wanted to deal with everyone else's problems at home too.

At work, he could deal with anything. He could be caring yet proffesional, knowing that his job ended at the hospital doors, but this- this was personal.

Buck was personally afraid of him, and it was Eddie's to fix.

A problem he was supposed to have fixed six months ago. 

Buck was supposed to have gotten help, to be building his life back up with his baby right now.

Eddie wasn't supposed to see him again, and he'd made peace with that.

And now, he wondered, how many others he'd saved had been left worse off afterwards.

"Okay, stand up," he sighed, before extending his hand out for Buck to take. The omega just blinked at it, before hesitantly accepting the offer, slender fingers wrapping around his. And only once the man's feet were back under him, did Eddie speak again. 

"Thanks for the offer, but I don't want to have sex with you, Buck," he said, straight to the point that he'd been lingering around all day.

And Buck's expression just broke. His smile fell, his head tilted to the side, and his eyes went wide, startled by the blunt rejection.

Eddie felt guilty, like he'd somehow said something wrong, but he knew he hadn't.

"Why not?" Buck asked, his voice quiet and a little shaky. Like he was hurt, offended even. Like he couldn't comprehend not being wanted for sex.

And how did he explain to somebody who was so used to his body being a commodity to be shared and used at any alpha's transgression, why that was all wrong.

How did he explain to him, that he didn't want to sleep with him because he knew that Buck didn't want to, not really, even if he thought he did. Even if he'd been taught his enjoyment didn't matter. He'd been traumatised, broken, and they'd just met. They were no where near ready for sex, and probably never would be.

"I just... I don't want to," was the easiest response. Because he knew Buck would deny not wanting to do it, but hopefully he'd at least listen to Eddie's desires.

"Is it because I'm used?" Buck asked instead, and Eddie felt something inside of his chest twist in agony. "I promise I'm still tight, Eddie. And I'm good at sex."

Buck shuffled closer to him, so their chests were pressed together. Ducked his head so as to flutter his lashes at Eddie, obviously attempting to be alluring. Needing that easy acceptance, of his body being wanted.

Hopefully soon, Eddie could make Buck feel wanted in other ways.

"I'm sure you are," he relented, and Buck smiled again, toothily, like he'd won.

"So let me thank you. Please."

He imagined Buck must be scared, after having money and kindness thrown at him today. If he needed to do something for Eddie in return to feel remotely better, then Eddie would try and give him that.

"Okay, you want to thank me? Well, how about this," it only took him a moment to think of something that he wanted from Buck, to make all of this so much easier. "The next time you want to thank me, just tell me something about yourself instead."

Buck let out a snort, before faltering at Eddie's genuine expression.

His face twisted in confusion, as though no one had ever wanted to know him before, past knowing him in the physical sense.

"Why?"

Eddie turned to begin putting away the groceries as he responded, needing something to do with his hands so as to keep himself from pushing something. "If we're living together, then we should know each other."

Buck shuffled after him, quick to try and make himself useful in other ways. Somehow, he already knew exactly where everything went. 

"Well, how do I get to know you then?" He asked coyly, taking the cereal and putting it away in the cupboard.

Eddie paused at the question, and Buck faltered, immediately losing confidence in himself yet again at the slightest sign of disapproval. "Sorry-"

"You can just ask. Or, if you're good and thank me properly, I'll share something with you in return," he said, against much better judgment. It was far more power than he'd like to give anyone, the permission to ask and pry into his life, when he otherwise liked to keep things so close to his chest.

But Buck deserved to know who he was living with just as much as Eddie did. 

And anyway, he doubted the omega would ask anything too personal, when he was so scared of asking anything of Eddie at all.

Buck chewed at his plump bottom lip in thought, still looking incredibly befuddled by the turn of conversation, before offering "I give really good head."

It took Eddie a moment to realise that that wasn't just one more attempt to allure him, but rather Buck's idea of a fact to offer in his gratitude.

And in that time Buck must have picked up on his displeasure, but of course misinterpreted it completely.

"Sorry, was that not... uh, I mean, I think I do. I barely gag, unless- unless that's what you like-"

"I like telenovelas," Eddie interrupted, opting to lead by example of what a good fact was supposed to be.

If anyone asked, he'd fervently deny it, but, well... Buck lived with him now, so what was the point in being shy? It wasn't like he had anyone to gossip about him with, anyway...

"That's nice, Eddie," Buck smiled, completely non judgmental, before offering a shrug, "I don't really watch TV."

"Ever?"

Obviously he wouldn't have had the opportunity to sit down and watch anything recently, but Eddie was curious about Buck's life before all of this mess.

"It never really interested me."

And, unlike all the other times Buck had played coy to avoid misspeaking in some way, Eddie believed him.

"Do you prefer books then?"

Buck ducked his head a little awkwardly, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, no."

Like getting blood out of a stone.

How was it possible that Buck would ramble about being good at blowjobs, but when it came to his actual interests was so tightlipped?

"So what do you do for fun?"

Or, did for fun, past tense, was more accurate.

He couldn't imagine Buck had had much fun in a while.

"I think I'm a sex addict."

Of course.

Eddie swallowed down the increasing frustration, nails digging in to the carton of juice he put in the fridge.

"What about before the... Heat House. What did you do then?" There had to be something. 

If he fell pregnant not long after he got to the Heat House, then he'd arrived there about a year ago. And he was 26. That was 25 years he'd lived before all this crap.

Or maybe not. Maybe his life had always been one shit storm after the other.

"I'm not sure. Sorry," Buck shrugged, and that Eddie didn't believe. He was holding out on him, and, well, he couldn't really blame him. Eddie wouldn't like to share things with someone who could so easily twist the words around to hurt him, either. "What would you like for dinner, Eddie?"

Changing the subject, hey that was his move.

As he put the last of the stuff away, he thought on how he could play this in a way that would make it easy for Buck to let him do the cooking today.

While he wasn't exactly good at it, it only felt right that he feed Buck, after everything that had happened.

In the end, he made his choice.

"Pozole?"

Buck tilted his head, eyes conveying a complete lack of recognition, just as he had hoped.

The omega eventually began to stutter out a response, hands ringing together in nerves. "I'm sorry, I don't know how to make that, but if you tell me the recipe-"

"It's fine, I'll make it."

"I can do it Eddie, I just need to learn how," Buck was quick to say, appearing alarmed at the mere idea of being cooked for.

And Eddie thought about relenting, knowing anything Buck made would be far better than anything he made.

But he felt like he needed to do it at least once, and Buck had had one hell of a day, one hell of a year more accurately.

"Well, it's a family recipe. So maybe today you can just watch me make it, and then you'll know," Eddie deflected. And yes he was sure his Abuela had a recipe, but not one he knew. So, he'd be trusting online sources to get him through this, hopefully food poisoning free.

"Okay," Buck quietly relented, and Eddie became all sorts of nervous then, under the omega's expectant gaze waiting for him to make the first move.

He found a recipe online, and began to read it out. 

Somehow, Buck was the one who found all of the kitchen utensils they needed, moving through the kitchen like he had been the one living there for the past year. And, seriously, had he mapped out every nook and cranny of the place last night?

Eddie tried to keep up a facade of knowing what he was doing, as he read through the recipe and gave Buck tiny tasks to do to keep him from anxiously hovering over him.

Somehow, tasks for one became tasks for two.

They diced the vegetables, cooked the chicken, boiled the broth. Working side by side, shoulder to shoulder. Inexplicably moving with such ease, working together effortlessly, and when Buck eventually relaxed from the motions, so did he.

Then Buck knocked the bowl of spices over, and immediately began to freak out, stumbling out apologies, and Eddie just swiped the powders back in to the bowl and moved on like nothing was amiss.

Buck stood back and stared at him, as Eddie gave the pot another stir, breathing in the surprisingly good aroma.

Almost as good as his Abula's. Almost.

"Eddie," Buck pepped up, after a moment of catching his breath from the scare.

"Yeah?" He smiled easily, glancing over at him. Hoping casual was the way to go about it.

Buck wrapped his arms around himself, almost like a self hug.

"I never really watched TV 'cause I used to like just being outside all the time," he offered with a little shrug, shoulders hunched in on themselves.

Another fact, another unspoken thank you.

"Oh? Where were your favourite places?" Eddie pryed, clinging on to that tiny little tidbit.

Buck liked being outside.

A generic statement, but helpful all the same.

Suddenly, Eddie felt his chest twist in sympathy, recalling the longing gaze that had been on the omega's face as they drove through LA.

He probably hadn't been allowed to just roam out in the world in some time, something so simple that Eddie had certainly taken for granted.

"There were some woods by my house I liked biking through. Then I moved here, and I really liked the beach."

Oh?

Eddie automatically began making a list in his head. Things about Buck.

He had a sister, and a baby, both probably dead. He didn't watch TV, because he was a bit of a free roamer by the sounds of it. He liked bike riding, and the beach, and wasn't from LA (his voice had a sort of Midwestern twang to it).

What else?

"We can go to the beach tomorrow, if you want?" Eddie offered, and felt something in his chest loosen at the flicker of hope that appeared in the man's big blue eyes.

Buck stared at him, then swallowed. "I think I was good at surfing." 

Another thank you, another tidbit.

"You'll have to show me," Eddie said, "I've never been surfing before."

He'd never been to the beach at all, really. El Paso was landlocked by Mexico, and he'd somehow yet to take the opportunity of living by the ocean to actually go and visit it.

A smile pulled at Buck's face, cheeks dimpled and pink. It was clear he wasn't allowing himself to get too hopeful just yet, still wary and mistrustful, but he couldn't help but be giddy at just the idea, even bouncing a little on his feet before stopping himself.

Oh Eddie was going to give him so many days at the beach, if that's what it took for him to finally be happy.

Just like that morning with the coffees, Buck generously plated up Eddie's food, and Eddie took it upon himself to dish up Buck's.

The omega actually sat at the table without kneeling first, which was a tiny step forwards on itself, despite the continued staring he did whilst waiting for Eddie to take the first bite of his food.

The omega exaggerated how good it was, making moaning noises and rubbing at his belly in a way that Eddie couldn't help but grin at, it was so stupidly sweet.

"Thank you, Eddie," Buck said, before pausing in thought to think up another unconsequential fact to share. "I like the sun."

Such a simple pleasure, Buck had probably gone without.

Well that would all be changed.

This, Eddie could fix.

"I like the sun too."

~~~~~

They actually managed to sleep, that night.

After Buck finally settled from presenting himself on the bed again, they both went out like a light.

Something Eddie, for one, clearly needed, since he only stirred once during the night, to the feeling of Buck's body squirming closer to him, a warmth at his back and legs tangling with his, then didn't wake again until much later in the morning.

It happened very slowly.

He gained consciousness, but was content to just lie under the sheets for a little while longer as a good smell wafted through the air.

That was when he remembered Buck, and felt the noticeable lack of another body in the bed.

He blinked open his eyes, and then sat up quickly, throwing back the sheets.

Stumbled down the hall, rubbing at his eyes as he was still groggy from sleep, and the smell grew clearer, as he got to the kitchen.

Freshly cooked food.

"Morning, Eddie," Buck chirped, as he stood over a frying pan sizzling on the heat. "I made your coffee," he gestured over to the mug sat at the table, waiting. Only one, of course.

He automatically moved in the direction of the coffee machine, and as he did he glanced over to see what Buck was doing.

"And you're making sausages and eggs?" Then he looked at the plate of food already made and plated up for his taking. "And waffles, and toast."

How long had Buck been awake?

"I wasn't sure what you liked in the morning," the omega confessed, "and I thought, if you didn't want it now, I could pack it for you to take to the beach? If you still wanna go, that is."

Eddie very quickly realised that Buck was testing him, trying to get a read on the situation before getting his hopes up that they were actually going to go.

He wondered how many other times Buck had been promised something nice, just to have it ripped away, for him to be so mistrustful.

"I still want to go to the beach with you, Buck," he reassured, adding on the with you so as to leave no room for doubt. Buck absolutely lit up with joy, grinning widely. "And I'm not a picky eater, I'll eat anything. But I do like sweet stuff."

"I'm not picky either," the omega responded, which went as his fact, Eddie presumed.

He made sure Buck had half of the food he made, despite objections, and then helped to pack up the rest in to a bag, along with some sandwiches and fruit, and bottles of water.

Buck kept saying facts to show his gratitude for merely being included, as they ate and got dressed and finally got in to the car to get going.

"I can bounce on a cock for over three hours straight without stopping," was Buck's first fact of the day. Then, at Eddie's look of complete disgust (seriously, three hours? Someone had had him working his calves and fucking himself for three hours?), switched back to the harmless ones he'd been sharing towards the end of yesterday. And Eddie provided each one with a comment in return, trying to keep Buck's smile going.

"I like my collar, Eddie."

("I'm glad, the blue really suits you.")

"I used to swim for hours."

("Wow, you must be strong, then.")

"This is a birthmark, but everyone assumes it's a bruise."

("Oh yeah, I wondered why it was still there. It's cool.")

"I like animals."

("They're fun until you have to save a cat up a tree every other week.")

Eddie put the radio on once they were in the car, and as minutes passed by Buck began to discreetly tap his finger against his leg to the beat, and eventually started humming.

Eddie held back a smile, so as to avoid doing anything that might stop him.

He didn't want to take Buck to a beach with lots of people, not after yesterday. He wanted Buck to feel safe enough to relax, without worrying about unwanted attention.

But in LA, finding a remote beach was sort of impossible, given the beaches that weren't taken over by tourists had the locals.

So, he drove them a little ways out of the city, up towards Malibu.

He stopped on a residential street, a row of big condos overlooking the water, and picked up their bag of food to walk down to it.

Buck laughed as they stumbled down the slope to the beach, Eddie reflexively grabbing on to him to steady himself from tripping.

Then they were on the sand, and it quickly became clear that Buck was definitely made for the beach. 

It was like all the colour that had been stripped away from him just flooded back in, the moment they were greeted by the endlesss expanse of the Pacific Ocean in front of them.

His hair shined almost golden beneath the bright sun, eyes shimmering in almost the exact same shade as the waves beating against the land.

There weren't many people there, just a couple further down the beach, going for a stroll, and a man jogging.

Perfect.

Buck inhaled the sea air, closing his eyes with his head tilted backwards, movements so incredibly expressive. 

He belonged on television.

"Do you wanna take your shoes off?" Eddie asked, and Buck wasted no time in kicking off his trainers and toeing away his socks, to be left barefoot.

Eddie took his time removing his, watching as Buck wiggled his toes and grinned down at the floor like a little kid experiencing something new.

Buck wasn't made to be locked away indoors, he was made for sun and sand and sea, and anyone who'd ever denied him of this could go fuck themselves.

"Eddie?" 

"Yeah?"

Buck hesitated, and then gave a timid little smile. "Do you want to run to the water?"

Eddie blinked at him, before laughing at the question- phrased in such a way to make out that it wasn't Buck's desire- and nodded as he did so as to not give Buck the wrong idea.

And the omega practically bounced up and down in glee, before taking off without a further comment.

The first few steps were unsteady, Buck clearly unused to having such physical freedom, but he soon picked up speed. Long legs, running faster than Buck's body could keep up with, heading straight towards the ocean.

Eddie let him keep a head start, not wanting it to feel like he was chasing him as he had the day they'd met, Buck gasping and shaking in fearful desperation to get away.

Instead, he jogged at a respectable distance, and when the omega skidded to a halt at the shoreline, just close enough for the waves to splash at his feet, Eddie stopped too.

And while this was a new experience for Eddie, having never been to the ocean before, he felt himself much more enthused with watching Buck, than he was with taking in his surroundings.  

Buck squished his feet in to the wet sand, shuffling patterns in to it then watching the marks he created get washed away by the water, his scent growing ever sweeter with his happiness, mingling in a sort of intoxicating combination with the sea air. 

How anyone preferred the cloying scent of pain and fear from an omega, over this, was beyond him entirely. 

It was as addicting as real sugar, and twice as sweet. Eddie could bask in it forever. 

"Do you want to go in, Eddie?" Buck asked, after a few minutes of just enjoying the lapping water.

They didn't have swim trunks or a change of clothes, but there was no conceivable scenario in which he'd ever turn down that question, not when Buck was so damn hopeful.

"Of course, I brought towels."

Towels that were supposed to be for lying on, but, well, the sun was hot enough to dry them off anyway.

Buck threw himself in to the next big wave, his cotton shorts and t-shirt saturated immediately, and Eddie awkwardly shuffled in after him, tense at the brisk temperature of the ocean. 

After getting past the first big wave that knocked them both back a few times, something Buck took to like a game, the water was relaxed enough to swim in, and Eddie watched with a racing heart as the omega gave strong kicks away, swimming like he never planned on stopping, before plunging himself beneath the surface. 

And Eddie's first responder alarms automatically went off, not liking the thought of him being submerged and out of sight at all, but his worries were found to be unnecessary when he swam over to where he last saw Buck and a laugh was heard from behind him. 

Buck's hair was all wet and sticking to his face, after apparently diving beneath him to give him a scare.

Eddie splashed the omega without thinking, then froze in worry that it would be taken wrong, just to relax again when Buck laughed it off.

It was like a completely different person had overtaken him, as soon as he was allowed outside. 

Eddie was going to have to dig them a sand hut to live in, if this was the response it created.

They spent an hour in the ocean, just swimming around, floating, and letting the waves carry. 

Eddie's lips tasted like salt and his skin had pruned by the time they got out. Buck's face had taken a pink, sun kissed tint to it, one that made him glow all over.

They sprawled out on the sand after climbing their way out, the lack of people that came there meant that the sand was mostly soft and untouched, but for the few shells buried within it. 

It stuck to his wet body, and Eddie was sure he'd be cleaning sand from his car for months after this, but he couldn't bring himself to care as they opened their bag of food, and began to munch on the fruit to cool their dry mouths.

The juices of the berries coated Buck's already pink lips, making his sun flushed face sparkle even more, and Eddie couldn't tear his eyes away.

Buck was... exceptionally beautiful. He remembered thinking as much on the day of the earthquake, despite all of the bruises and abrasions and the bony starved body he'd had then.

Eddie didn't think he'd ever seen anyone who captured his attention like this. Buck was worthy of art, worthy of being carved in marble and painted in watercolours. 

It hurt knowing that his looks had only caused him pain, before. Bad people who sort to destroy that beauty, lock it away in a bedroom and use it to get off, must have been attracted to Buck like moths to a flame.

But now he was Eddie's, and he was eager to foster that particular glow Buck had about him, and help it to flourish. 

They spent the rest of the day at the beach. As soon as Buck had dried off, he was back on the shoreline, letting the waves splash him and soaking it up as though he'd never get to again. 

Then they went for a walk, and Eddie picked up a shell that was the exact shade of purplish pink as Buck's birthmark (he didn't say that part though).

They fed the birds their leftovers, collected more shells, and threw rounded pebbles in to the water, and only once a chill had seeped in and they were both weary from heat, did they ready to go.

Eddie could feel Buck's sadness, as they headed back to the car, shoes in hand. And it took everything in him to not go to the nearest store and buy a tent for them to stay there for good.

The quiet stiffness between hurt so much more, now that he'd seen the carefree attitude that the sun had brought forth in Buck. 

But it was inevitable, and if they could have one good day despite everything, then they could have another. 

Eddie turned on the seat warmer when he saw Buck shiver from the sudden drop in temperature, and stopped to pick up pizza on the way home. 

Buck had this sort of pensive look on his face, one that he hadn't seen before. 

Usually, he appeared nervous, agitated, and while sadness was always there it was never this apparent.

And Eddie didn't know what had happened to put the omega on the verge of tears, but he didn't know how to ask. 

All he mustered was a quiet "are you okay?" which just had Buck smiling and nodding, after sniffing back the emotions. 

Buck was too expressive to get away with repressing his feelings like Eddie could, but Eddie felt like he owed it to him to at least give him privacy over his own feelings, so he didn't press.

They ate their pizza in the car, parked up outside of a park because Eddie didn't feel right locking him away indoors just yet. 

They watched the sunset in complete silence, and only once it was dark did he finally take them home. 

They both moved slowly, movements drunken-like from all of the sun they'd gotten. 

"Maybe we can go outside again tomorrow, Eddie?" Buck asked timidly once inside, giving a small hopeful small that had Eddie slumping in disappointment at having to be the one to ruin it.

"I have work tomorrow."

Buck's smile fell, and he curled back in on himself again, averting his gaze to the floor. "Oh yeah."

"It's a twenty four hour shift, so I'll be gone all day, but we can do something when I'm off again?" It was only as he said it, that he realised twenty four hours was going to feel like an incredibly long time to an omega with nothing to do but wait. 

Could he even leave him alone that long?

"What time would you like to be woken up, Eddie?" Buck just asked in response, arms wrapped around his frame, and Eddie felt ridiculously bad.

"I set my alarm for seven, but you don't have to get up."

"Do you want me to make you lunch?"

"No thanks, it's fine. Bobby- he's my Captain, you would've seen him the day we met- he cooks us meals. So..." Guilt flooded through him, at the thought of having people to see and things to do whilst Buck just waited here for him like a dog, with no real freedom to do as he wished. Because while Eddie of course would let him go out on his own at his own discrepancy, it wasn't exactly safe without precautions. Buck was stuck here, chained to him and his house in every way that mattered. He needed to at least make the experience as nice as possible. "What are you going to do for lunch and dinner? You can help yourself to anything you like, or order something? I can leave cash if you want to order something- but, oh you don't have a phone."

No way of contacting him.

How hadn't Eddie thought of that?

What if there was an emergency? The house caught on fire, or someone broke in, or Buck hurt himself?

What if he got lonely? Or bored?

Twenty four hours they wouldn't be able to communicate.

What if Buck ran away and got himself in to trouble during that time, and when Eddie got back he was gone? What would he do then? Eddie couldn't report him without landing Buck in trouble, but how would he know the omega was safe if he just never saw him again?

He swallowed.

He'd have to tackle any problems as they came, for now he just had to make sure that Buck would at least have plenty to eat in his absence.

He moved towards the fridge. "There's pasta, salad stuff, a frozen pizza, oh and stuff for burgers. Or you could cook something, it's up to you really."

"I'll be okay, thank you, Eddie."

Eddie eyed him warily. Buck still was so hesitant to eat around him. Never plated his own food, always looked for permission, surprised when he got it, and waited for him to take the first bite. 

Would he really help himself, if Eddie wasn't there to push food in front of him?

Or would he starve himself?

"I'm going to sort out getting you a phone so you can contact me." Eddie would feel so much better, if he could just call to make sure that Buck was having something to eat, and the house wasn't up in flames. "But for tomorrow, if there's an emergency, go to my neighbour. Number 12a, she's a nice old lady, and she can get a hold of me for you."

"Yes, Eddie," Buck nodded obediently, and they slipped back in to silence.

Eddie scratched at the back of his neck, feeling suffocated in his own home yet again. Despite all his worries, he truthfully couldn't wait for the break that work would give him. 

It was selfish, he knew, but for twenty four hours he wouldn't have all of this tiptoeing around. For twenty four hours, things would feel normal. 

"Um, so, do you want to shower first?" He asked, then felt himself choke on his own goddamn tongue as Buck took the question to be his sign to strip off right there in the kitchen. First his damp shirt, revealing his well toned torso. Then his sand covered shorts, thumb also tucked in to his underwear so as to drag that down with it.

Out sprung Buck's dick, nude as the day he was born, and Eddie's face burnt as he quickly took to staring at anywhere but him. 

Stupid, considering this was far from the first time he'd seen Buck naked. But the shock factor that came from him stripping out of nowhere got to him.

"Clothes can just go in the basket in the bathroom," his voice came out all choked, much to his embarrassment, and Buck hummed his acknowledgment before making his way down the hall.

And Eddie was a complete pervert for even considering that Buck was purposely swaying his round ass at him, as he made his way down there.

He huffed out a breath once the omega was out of sight, and slumped in relief when he heard the water start running.

Yes, work was going to be a much needed break. 

He just wished a break didn't entail leaving Buck here alone with nothing to do. He wished Buck could have a break, too, but he supposed being away from Eddie was the closest he'd get.

The shower ran for a long time, and, not that Eddie was rushing him or anything because Buck was certainly owed a nice long shower, but he wanted to check to make sure he knew where everything was.

So, he knocked on the already open door, eyes glued to the floor, and stepped in.

"Are you coming in?" was the immediate, expectant question.

"No, I'll go after," Eddie replied, and opened his mouth again to ask whether he was okay, before noting the chill in the air. He finally looked up. Buck's skin had gone as pale as a sheet, dotted with goosebumps all over, as he shivered beneath the icy jet of spray, and Eddie cursed beneath his breath before hurrying over. "Buck, put the hot water on, it's freezing." His arm felt like it had been stabbed by needles as he reached in to turn the temperature up, slowly thawing the omega out.

Had Buck just been stood there waiting for him to come and tell him what to do? Freezing for these past ten or so minutes, at risk of using hot water he maybe wasn't allowed to?

He bit at the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming, he wanted to hit something again. "And use as much soap and shampoo as you want, okay?" he added, needing to get the point across. Buck lived here, he was entitled to everything Eddie owned, but he'd been ground down to the point that he didn't even feel entitled to the bare fucking minimum. 

"Okay, Eddie," Buck's teeth chattered a little, as much as he tried to subdue it. "I really liked today, Eddie. Does that count as a fact?"

And now he was thanking him for not making him freeze to death. Of fucking course.

"Yes."

It was difficult to not let his aggravation show over Buck's entire demeanour, and to instead focus on the people who'd made him this way. 

Eddie would feel a whole lot better if he had one or two names and faces in particular, to throw all his anger at. 

He'd have to see about finding the people who were in charge of 'training' Buck, at the rehabilitation centre. And of course there were the fuckers who'd ran the Heat House, who'd been let off with just a fine. Eddie was willing to bet he could get their names pulled up from somewhere; someone needed to be held accountable for this.

Chapter Text

Eddie was not a morning person.

He could and would get up if he had to, was more than used to early starts after years in the military, and more recently dealing with alarms going off in the firehouse at all hours of the day, but he still didn't like it whatsoever.

As always when his alarm went off that morning for work, he was groggy and grumpy, rubbing at his face and groaning.

Unlike always, as soon as he was sitting up to slam his hand on the alarm to shut it up, his bedroom door was pushed open and Buck was hurrying in with a tray of food and fresh coffee for him.

"Morning, Eddie," Buck chirped, as upbeat sounding as he'd been yesterday morning, too. 

And surely on some level part of that had to actually be him, and not just the performance he'd been forced to perfect. 

"How long have you been up? I told you you didn't have to do anything," he said, face warming as Buck placed the tray of freshly cooked pancakes, coffee, and orange juice on to his lap, like some kind of mother's day gift. "But thanks."

He didn't like the idea of Buck stirring himself in and out of sleep to ensure that he was up and ready before Eddie's alarm. That had to be what he was doing, right?

"I was already awake, Eddie," Buck said, shrugging. Then he stood awkwardly at the side of the bed, obviously thrown off by towering over Eddie but unsure whether to sit. He rung his hands together, a habit that Eddie was already used to seeing. "And you have work, bringing you breakfast is the least I can do."

As always when in doubt, Buck sunk down to his knees next to the bed, head cocking up on the mattress. And Eddie immediately tensed and felt itchy all over, as his mind drifted off to an advert he'd seen in which an omega had kneeled with a tray of food on offer as the alpha reclined back in bed just like this.

He sat up straight, and swallowed.

"Go get your breakfast."

Buck tilted his head, blinking. Would he ever automatically make himself food, when he was making Eddie's? Or would he forever assume that he wouldn't be getting anything, no matter how many times he proved otherwise?

He had to learn, otherwise he wouldn't eat any time that Eddie was at work, and that would be unacceptable.

"Go pour yourself a coffee, grab something to eat, then come back here and have it," he specified, knowing that Buck needed to be told.

The order like tone received an immediate response, as Buck rose back up to his feet and nodded repeatedly. "Yes, Eddie."

Eddie waited for him to come back, even as his pancakes grew cold, just listening to the light clattering around in the kitchen.

Eventually, Buck re-emerged, with a coffee cup and a plate in hand. 

A pitiful little pancake, obviously made with the very last of the batter, was extended out to him for inspection, for approval. Wordlessly, he used his fork to flip one of his own on to Buck's plate, then started eating before the other man could object.

Buck stood there with the plate still held out, lips pursed, and then Eddie shifted over his feet in the bed and patted it for him to sit down, which Buck cautiously listened to.

"Good. Now eat," he said, gesturing at Buck's food.

Buck looked like he'd been asked to perform a complex task.

Seriously, how long until he got it in to that brain that they would be eating at the same time, and the same portions?

Eventually, the omega stabbed at his food and took a little bite, then a much bigger bite.

He was clearly used to eating much less food than the average human needed, never mind a man his size. Eddie needed to keep an eye on how much protein he was getting.

"I like carrot cake and banana bread, what's your favourite cake, Eddie?" Buck asked after a little while.

And Eddie just stared at him blankly at the random question, so tired still, before remembering their facts as thank yous gig. Really, that had been a small stroke of genius on his part.

"Chocolate and coffee," he said, before guessing, "So you like more fresh flavoured stuff?" 

Buck gave a little noncommittal shrug.

He took that as a yes anyways.

Get Buck lots of fruits, noted.

They finished breakfast in silence, and Eddie took Buck's plate to the kitchen to wash up, the omega, of course, trailing close behind him.

"What're you going to do while I'm gone?" He asked, as he scraped off the leftovers in to the trash, Buck shifting from foot to foot in his peripheral vision.

The omega took a moment to think, obviously weighing out the best response.

Even Eddie didn't know what he wanted to hear. Literally the only thing he wanted from Buck was for him to get better. 

"Clean," he replied eventually, and Eddie fought against rolling his eyes. "Is there anything you'd like me to do?"

He dumped the plates under the hot water in the sink and turned to look at Buck, leaning back on the counter.

"The TV remotes in the drawer, you could watch something. And there's books. The key for the kitchen door is right here on the windowsill, if you wanted to sit outside." He held the keys up, and placed them back down. Then, he hesitated. "Obviously if you want to go out somewhere, you can, but..." but what? Buck was an adult, despite what the law said Eddie couldn't just deny him the right to go out as he wished. He just... didn't like the idea of Buck being out there, alone, with no phone. "Just be safe, okay?"

There was nothing Buck could do to guarantee his own safety out there. Other people couldn't be controlled.

"Yes, Eddie," he nodded, not seeming at all as troubled as Eddie felt by the idea of Buck free roaming out there, and maybe he was being a little ridiculous. Maybe he'd just seen too much bad stuff, considering his job was to help people on the worst days of their lives. But Buck had already been through perhaps the worst situations someone could possibly ever find themselves in. So, really, he was allowed to be wary.

He finished cleaning the dishes, as Buck wiped down the counters. Then he got showered, and dressed, and packed his bag.

He felt almost like he was abandoning Buck, leaving him there. Again, stupid, Buck wasn't a baby. But he supposed it wasn't so wrong of him to be nervous about leaving a stranger (because that's still what he was, really) in his home alone.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said, rucksack over his shoulder as he stood by the door. "Make sure you eat something."

Buck gave a small smile, visibly hesitating ever so briefly, before fluttering his lashes and leaning forwards to place a chaste kiss to Eddie's lips in goodbye.

Entirely unexpected, and he just stood there in a numb sort of surprise. Didn't push Buck away, didn't kiss him back, didn't do anything.

Buck's lips tasted like the strawberries he'd had with his pancakes.

Then the omega stopped, pausing a mere inch away from his face as he so obviously waited for Eddie to respond to the kiss with something.

Instead, Eddie just turned and left, head ducked down low and hand clenching at the strap of his bag.

Only once he was in the car did he allow himself to freak out.

~~~~~

"Good morning," Hen hummed as she passed him on his way in to the locker room. The woman, for some reason, soon stumbled to a stop in front of him, a strange expression crossing her face as she did.

"Morning," Eddie replied, feeling his face pinch in concern as he watched Hen eye him up and down, before taking a deep inwards breath and smiling. Well, it was more of a knowing smirk, really.

Huh.

She didn't say anything else, just headed upstairs with no explanation.

After a moment of staring after her, Eddie shrugged the strangeness off, blaming his recently strung out nerves for how self concious he was feeling.

He got changed, then shoved his stuff in to his locker, before resting his forehead against the cold steel of the door. Willing the feeling of Buck's impossibly soft lips away from his mouth, or else the guilt would surely consume him whole (seriously, why had he let that happen without saying anything, now Buck would think it normal and do it again).

The strangeness he felt with Hen continued when he went upstairs. People staring at him, deep inhales and smirks. And Eddie was jittery, on edge.

It wasn't that he hadn't grown to like his team, they were great, but he wasn't nearly comfortable enough to question what was going on. Nor to put up with it.

He did not like being the centre of attention at all.

He stood by the bannister, out of the way of the others, as Bobby gave a morning briefing.

Ackerman, an alpha who Eddie couldn't quite figure out how Bobby hadn't given a disciplinary yet given he was always late, slapped him on the shoulder with a whistle as he walked past, strolling in just as they finished announcements.

Eddie had never once been acknowledged by the man in the months that he'd worked there.

What the hell was going on?

Before he could ask, the alarm went off, and they were all hurrying out to the engines, piling in after one another. 

Eddie ended up sitting by himself facing Hen and Chimney, a common occurance.

Except today they were still staring at him.

"So are we going to talk about it?" Chimney was the first to break the silence after a few minutes on the road, leaning forwards in his seat and staring over at Eddie.

He bristled immediately in response, not knowing what to expect.

"About what?"

The other man huffed out a laugh as though Eddie were playing purposely dumb, and Hen nudged the man in the ribs with her elbow, warningly. 

"The fact you look exhausted and are absolutely drenched in omega pheromones," Chim snickered anyway.

Oh.

Eddie's eyes widened in sudden realisation, his eyes flickering between Hen and Chimney as his face heated up.

He hadn't even considered that, it hadn't crossed his mind that people would be able to smell Buck on him even if they weren't yet mated.

But it made sense, unmated omegas had very strong scents, and Buck's was damn near all consuming. And for the last forty eight hours, they'd shared space, and shared a bed, so it should be entirely unsurprising that he had rubbed off on Eddie.

And yet, it was.

Forty eight hours, and people could already detect a difference in him. Forty eight, out of who knows how many days they'd be together, and Buck was already intertwined with him.

His stomach and chest felt hollow, the familiar panic of being trapped ringing through him.

"Seriously, it smells like you spent the weekend locked away in a candy store," Chimney continued, laughing as Hen just smiled kindly, clearly intrigued too but doing a better job at hiding it.

They'd both asked him before if he planned on settling down and he'd always said no, he wasn't interested in a relationship.

Which he wasn't.

"I met someone," Eddie said, just to immediately screw his face up in regret over the incorrect assumptions that would lead to. Met someone, sounded like he had saught Buck out, sounded like they were dating. "Okay, no, that's not exactly true," someone was dumped on my doorstep, was more accurate, but really how did he even begin to explain his predicament? It was insane, and he'd sound like he was committing some nerfarious act. "It's nothing."

Hen and Chimney just stared at him incredulously, before glancing at each other. 

They had a bond that allowed them to talk without really talking, a bond that sort of made it difficult to intercede between the two, most of the time. Clearly a duo in the trio, and Eddie was fine not having a partner, really he was, but sometimes it became so difficult not to feel like the odd one out, and he wished that he too had somebody to be joint at the hip with at work.

But he was the probie for this year, Bobby wouldn't take another one in until he graduated. Maybe then he could have someone to hang out with, when Hen and Chimney were being Hen and Chimney.

Thankfully, neither of the two asked him any more, sensing by his answer that it was sensitive ground they were stepping on.

Eddie made note to have another shower as soon as they got back from the call, and wondered whether Buck smelled like him the way Eddie smelled like Buck.

The idea made him shift in his seat.

The call was an easy one, but today was clearly shaping up to be a busy day, since as soon as they'd pulled the engine in they were heading out again. 

The next call was not so easy. A young omega- she couldn't be more than sixteen- had climbed out of a forth story window in the middle of sex, spooked by whatever had happened during it, and gotten stuck on the ledge outside. 

And Eddie had to coax her back inside, back in to her alpha's hands. She said she'd rather jump, had shifted like she was about to, tears streaming down her face. 

Eventually he had to grab her and forcefully pull her inside, kicking and screaming, after she'd edged just a little too far forwards.

She'd sobbed and recoiled and pushed and hit at him, so Eddie let her go as soon as they were in, just to immediately have to place himself between her and the alpha when he made a grab for the hysterical teenager.

He'd very nearly swung at the guy, instincts screaming at him to protect this little girl from the grown adult clearly terrifying her.

Hen stepped in before he could, making up a reason to take the girl to the hospital for a check up, so as to separate them both for at least the time being. Eddie trailed after them, glaring at the man left behind, who mercifully didn't try to follow.

Bobby gave him a strange look when he reemerged outside, and Eddie forcefully calmed himself down. 

Watched the girl get put on the ambulance, curling in on herself and weeping.

There was blood dripping down her thighs.

He wondered if her parents knew where she was.

He wondered if they'd arranged for this to happen.

He wondered if Buck's parents knew or cared what he'd gotten in to.

Eddie did try to stay focused on the following calls, but he couldn't help but be distracted and short tempered, blatantly avoiding the others in between calls so as to prevent any unsolicited questions.

The calls slowed down towards the end of the day, and Eddie barely ate any dinner, too worried about whether he'd made Buck's food options clear enough and wondering whether he should order a delivery to the house.

He went straight in to the shower, scrubbing what was hopefully the last of the omega's scent off of him, then when he saw Bobby approaching him with a look of intent on his face he quickly took himself to bed. 

It was sort of an unspoken rule not to bother each other when they were in the bunk room, so he knew he'd face no unbidden questions in there.

He busied himself with looking online for a phone for Buck as well buying more clothes, and researching in to proper omega care, so worried that he was missing something obvious.

Eventually he had to turn his phone off quickly, however, to save himself from getting overly heated by the disgusting comments people tried to pass as 'advice' on the internet. 

Instead he closed his eyes and feigned sleep, as others began to come in to the bunk room and settle down. 

But even after working all day, he couldn't really sleep.

For such an incredibly stupid reason, mind you.

He and Buck had only shared a bed for three measly nights, so why the hell was his brain already obsessing over the fact that there wasn't another body in the bed with him?

He could physically feel Buck's absence, constantly reminding him that the omega was alone somewhere (hopefully at home), probably just as lost as Eddie.

Was Buck in Eddie's bed right now? Was he sleeping soundly, relieved to finally be alone, or was he up too, staring at the ceiling?

Had he left, was he running away somewhere and getting in to trouble?

Was he stressing himself out, making up work to do out of worry of not being good enough when Eddie got home?

He really, really needed to get Buck a phone. Just so he could check that he was safe. That he'd eaten, and slept, and to reassure him that everything was fine.

It became clear pretty quickly that he would not be sleeping, so after scrolling absentmindedly on his phone for another hour, just for Hen to groan at him to turn it off, he carefully slipped out of the bed and headed out. 

He played some pool with the guys who were waiting up incase there was a drive by emergency, then got dressed for the gym.

Went on the treadmill with earphones in for a long time, doing his best to block out any and all thoughts (semi successful, Buck kept floating in to the forefront of his mind no matter how hard he tried to stop it). 

By the time his legs and lungs ached, and his skin was damp with sweat, came a call.

Bobby, Hen, and Chimney gave him an odd look when they found him already out by the engine, pulling his gear on, but didn't say anything.

Not until they got back from the call, Eddie having lashed out at the mouthy assholes he'd been forced to treat.

"Eddie," Bobby said as soon as he exited the engine, gesturing with his head to be followed upstairs to his office.

And Eddie stood there, going numb with nerves at the expression on the man's face, before begrudgingly following.

It felt like being called in to the principle's office, and despite himself he immediately got antsy when Bobby asked him to close the door behind him.

He crossed his arms over his chest defensively, taking a seat when Bobby gestured for him to.

"There a problem, Cap?"

"I don't know, you tell me," Bobby replied ambiguously, and he gritted his teeth in response. "What's going on, Eddie?"

"Isn't a guy entitled to his own private life?" He huffed out, fighting from bouncing his knee to instead remain calm and collected.

"You are yes," the man conceeded, "but when you're on my team, I need you to be on your A game at all times, and you've been... distracted."

"Everything's fine," the words came out fast, faster than was believable. He swallowed, and held his breath for a moment.

Bobby just stared at him, infuriatingly calm. 

Eddie hated this.

"It's good to have someone to talk to even if nothing big is going on. It doesn't need to be to me, it can be someone impartial." 

The unspoken who he should talk to rang loudly in Eddie's mind, and he crossed his arms over his chest.

"I don't need therapy," but, well, Buck certainly did, and... Oh god, okay, maybe he really did need help with helping Buck. That was fine, right? Eddie could cope with his own problems just fine, but it was totally understandable to need help with somebody else's.

Maybe sharing with Bobby wouldn't be so bad. Maybe what he needed was for someone to confirm that he wasn't going completely crazy, and that he wasn't a monster for keeping Buck with him.

"Have you ever thought you saved somebody, just to find out later that their life became so much worse after you were done?"

Bobby stared at him, incomprehensibly for several moments, and then his face creased in concern.

"I don't understand. Did someone die?"

"No," he bit at the inside of his cheek, hesitating ever so briefly. "You remember the earthquake that caused a fire at the Heat House on sixth?"

"And it was a trafficking ring," Bobby nodded solemnly, still visibly confused.

"Yeah, well, remember Buck? The pregnant omega I saved, who made us realise that they were being drugged?"

"I do."

Here goes nothing.

"Well, as of last Friday, Buck lives with me now."

One second passed by in silence. Then two, and three.

Then Bobby unclasped his hands, pulling back from the desk to sit up straight in his chair.

"I remember you wanting to check up on him, but..."

"I didn't reach out to him," Eddie shook his head in denial. "He was given to me as part of this stupid government programme, to reward decorated vetarans for their time. I didn't want him, but he's stuck with me now," he let out a breathy laugh, pulling at his hair. It sounded just as crazy out loud as it had in his head. "And he's not doing so great, so I guess I'm just tired, and worried about what he's doing while I'm here. That's why I've been a little distracted."

"I see why that's troubling you," Bobby nodded, before appearing increasingly concerned as he processed everything Eddie said. "They just handed him over to you? No warning?"

"Just found him tied up on my doorstep when I got home last shift," he shrugged. "I'd gotten a letter before that about getting a reward, no where did it mention that it would be a grown man with a bow wrapped around his neck."

"Are you sure this wasn't all a mistake giving him to you, and he's not being trafficked? That doesn't sound legal."

It didn't. But Eddie had found no evidence to suggest that this was anything but intentional, even after researching the programme thoroughly.

"I think he got in to some legal trouble, and was sent to a rehabilitation center after having the baby because of it. I guess being sold doesn't count as cruel and unusual punishment, if it's in the name of making him 'better'," he scoffed.

"And his baby..." Bobby trailed off, and Eddie felt his chest tighten in pain.

"All I know is he's five months postpartum. So either the baby's been taken in by social services, or..."

Or the baby is dead. And, God, he couldn't decide which would be worse. If Buck had miscarried that would be awful, but at least there wouldn't be an infant out there all alone without their parent. At least Eddie wouldn't be effectively keeping a parent from their child.

"You should talk to Athena about this, it doesn't sound legal."

"Yeah, I've actually been meaning to talk to her about it," his jaw tightened despite himself. "She was supposed to be making sure he was sent somewhere safe."

He was aware that it was unfair, that he was projecting his emotions, when he felt a flicker of anger pass through him. It wasn't Athena's fault what happened, but he was annoyed with her anyways.

"And from what I remember, she did," Bobby interjected with a wary look.

Eddie didn’t have a reasonable response to that, and he wasn't in a position to piss off his captain by being passive aggressive with his new wife. So, he opted to move on.

"I guess I do need to look into therapists. Not for me, but for Buck," he conceeded.

"Therapists in omegan affairs are horribly understaffed. But departmental ones are there for our families as well as us, and they're covered by our insurance. I can have a look for someone suitable for Buck, if you'd like?"

Eddie just stared at the man, not having at all expected such an offer to help. He wasn't used to that. But he certainly wasn't going to decline it.

He wasn't one to push for therapy, it was the one macho stereotype he allowed himself, but Buck needed it, there was no doubt at all.

"Yeah, preferably not an alpha," he replied, then after another second of thought added "And a woman would be good."

A nice beta woman. Because he didn't know if Buck's deal with throwing himself at people applied to all men irregardless of secondary gender, but he couldn't imagine him pawing for sex with a woman, when he'd have to be the one in control through out that.

The alarm went off just as Bobby opened his mouth to reply.

Very busy shift, but at least it wasn't giving him much of a chance to sit down and really stress out about all things Buck related.

And he did feel weirdly better, more concentrated, on the call after telling Bobby all about his woes. Lighter, even.

Maybe there was something to the whole talk about your problems thing after all.

~~~~~

It was two hours before the end of their shift that Athena came over under the pretense of having breakfast with them.

Eddie stared after her, watching her greet Bobby with a kiss and Hen with a hug, and bit at the inside of his mouth when her gaze eventually settled on him.

It quickly became clear the real reason that she'd come, when she gestured with her finger to be followed over to the couch.

He was quick to do so, endless questions brewing in his chest.

"Bobby called, he told me what happened and that you wanted to see me," she said when they stopped.

"Yeah, I do," he crossed his arms, hyper aware that his Captain was watching their interaction like a hawk. "I just wanted to know how Buck went from being placed in safe housing, like you said he was, to being put in a glorified trafficking programme."

She wasn't at all phased by his tone. Which was fine, he wasn't really angry at her, he was just angry in general.

"Well, I don't know the exact circumstances just yet, but I assume he committed a crime after we went our seperate ways."

Eddie had thought about that, but he really couldn't picture Buck doing anything remotely bad enough to deserve the fate he got. And even if he had, even if he'd killed somebody, well, Eddie was within the mindset that whoever it was probably had it coming.

"I'm guessing it was either a low level crime, or they deemed him NGIR after all he's been through, to be put through rehabilitation rather than prison."

"Yes because being brainwashed and turned in to a walking sex slave is so much better than prison,"  he scoffed. A low level crime, and in response Buck had been turned in to a terrified shallow husk of a human, all in the name of making him 'better'. Better for who exactly? Certainly not better for Buck. "No seriously, he was raped and trafficked for months, lost his sister in a fire, and then lost his baby, and they thought the best thing to do was lock him away until he was a perfect slave to sell off?"

Athena looked like she was about to agree, expression carefully solemn, and then she paused, processing something he'd said.

"His sister's alive. I don't know what happened to the baby," she replied, and Eddie felt himself stop too.

"She is?" He asked, brain short circuiting.

He hadn't expected that.

While Buck had said nothing to neither confirm or deny his sister's status, the fact that there was no mention of her had led him to believe that she'd died in that fire after all.

"Yes, she was sent to another hospital and kept asking after an Evan Buckley, so it took a while to connect the two when we only had Buck's nickname to go by."

Evan Buckley?

Oh.

"Well where is she now? Does Buck know?"

Does Buck know that she's out there, and he's being kept away from her, or does he also think she's dead?

She was an omega too, had to be given she was in the Heat House, had she been put through the 'rehabilitation' center as well?

"I don't know," Athena admitted to both questions, and Eddie felt his heart pound in his chest. "I advocated for them to be housed together, but I don't know if that actually happened."

And even if it had, well, it hadn't lasted for long.

"Well find out!" He snapped, immediately lowering his tone again when the woman quirked her brow at him in return, wholly unimpressed. He sighed, clenching then mechanically unclenching his hands. "Buck isn't telling me anything and if there's someone out there, if he has family he wants to see, I need to help him get to them."

Maybe this was how they could both go their seperate ways, how they could both be happy. Eddie would be a monster if he didn't at least try to get Buck home, with his sister who he so clearly loved if he was willing to run through fire for her.

"I'll look in to the sister, and see if she wants to become reacquainted," Athena promised, but Eddie wasn't done yet.

"And the baby?"

If he'd been wrong about the sister being dead, then maybe...

"The baby's whereabouts will likely be sealed for their own protection," Athena said.

For their protection.

Right.

Protection from what exactly? From Buck?

Eddie was aware that he was maybe giving Buck a little more credit than was due for someone he didn't really know all that well, someone who had been through a lot.

It was entirely possible, and would be understandable really, if he didn't want the baby. If, after everything that had happened, he'd been unstable enough to dump the baby somewhere or perhaps even try and terminate the pregnancy, get rid of the living reminder of all the rape and abuse he'd faced.

If that had been the case, it certainly would explain how he'd ended up in a center. There were harsh penalties for terminating pregnancies, and the punishment would only have been softened by the mental duress Buck would've been under.

And yet Eddie couldn't help but feel, but believe, that even if Buck had abandoned the baby he'd still want to know where they'd ended up, that they were safe.

"If they're alive. They would've been born pretty prematurely."

The chances were slim, given the situation.

The baby was most likely dead.

"If they're not, there'll either be a still birth or a death certificate that Buck is owed," Athena said, and Eddie was already dreading receiving that to pass on. "I'll look in to it."

More help, offered so easily.

Maybe there was something to the whole tell people your problems propaganda after all.

"Thanks," was all he could think to say, before watching the woman walk back over to a blatantly staring table of 118 members.

Eddie may have found it helpful to share his problems with Bobby, so that Buck at least didn't feel like some dirty secret he was keeping, but he wasn't ready to tell anyone else about what was happening just yet. That would feel far too much like gossiping, about Buck's problems.

It would feel too much like Buck was going to become a permanent fixture in his life, which he was still trying to deny.

~~~~~

Despite having been itching for the end of his shift, when it actually came to it he felt his stomach ache in dread. Dread of what he'd find, or not find, when he got home.

He packed up his stuff slowly, waited for B shift to arrive so as to slip out hopefully undetected, amongst their crowd.

Bobby still caught him, just as he was about to get in to his car. The man just about to get in to his own car, but stopping with the door open to talk to him.

"You'll call if you need anything," the Captain ordered, stopping Eddie in his tracks. "Having an omega can be difficult, by no fault of their own. Especially someone who's been through as much as Buck has."

"Buck's not the first omega I've been with," Eddie shrugged dismissively, leaving out just how awfully his relationship with the last had gone. "But I've never really been around a male omega before."

They weren't exactly rare, but certainly rarer. Many claimed that was because they were genetic anomalies, a contradiction to biology. However it didn't take a lot of digging to get to the route cause of the statistical drop in male omegas.

Up until about ten years ago, it had been common place to have newborn males scanned at birth to determine their secondary sex. It took a lot of work to have it outlawed, after the rise of babies being abandoned on streets or mistreated to the point of fatality, if the scan hadn't shown the desired results. It didn't take a genius to link the generations of male omegas being killed off before they had a chance to even grow, to be the real cause of the disproportionate numbers of them to all other subgroups. 

"I can't help you there, my first wife was, well, a woman," Bobby said, and Eddie immediately stiffened at the incredibly rare mention of Bobby's past life. Everything he knew about the man had only come from rumours, Hen and Chimney keeping pretty tight lipped about whatever had happened before he got there. Which Eddie appreciated, because he too didn't like to open up about his life before LA. "I imagine they have the same needs, they're just... treated differently. The experiences they have in the world won't be the same, whether for or better or worse. So just be patient."

"I am patient," he sighed exhaustedly. He'd been doing well, by his standards anyway. And considering the circumstances... He had no choice but to be patient with Buck, no matter how frustrating it got. Speaking of... "You'll send me a list of departmental therapists?"

He wouldn't bring up the idea of therapy to Buck just yet, it was way too soon, but as staunchly against therapy as Eddie was for himself he had to admit that Buck did definitely need it.

"On its way," Bobby assured with a smile, and Eddie let out a relieved breath before opening his car door to get in.

"Thanks, Cap."

~~~~~

He'd barely pulled in to the drive way when the message from Bobby regarding possible therapists came through. 

He had two recommendations, neither fitting what he wanted exactly, but he supposed he'd have to cope. 

Dr Frank Gibbons, a male beta, or Dr Jennifer Wells, a female alpha. 

Eddie put his phone away after replying with his thanks, figuring it best to wait and see who Buck would feel safer with once he was in a place where he felt safe enough to actually provide his opinion on things. 

Then he rested his head against the steering wheel for a few moments, face heated at the memory of the situation he'd walked out on just twenty four hours ago.

He only braved getting out of the car after several deep breaths, realising there was really no reason to delay the inevitable when the what ifs of what he'd find waiting on the other side of that door were probably worse in his mind than in reality.

The house was unnervingly quiet when he opened the front door, and Eddie felt his stomach drop, when his eyes didn't immediately catch on Buck. As though having expected to find him still standing there, exactly where he'd left him, though in all fairness he wouldn't have been surprised if that were the case.

"Buck?" He called out, thoughts spiralling with plans on what he should do if the omega had run away after all, wondering if maybe Athena would help, when a lanky body suddenly hurried out of the kitchen, Buck skidding to his knees on the floor in front of him.

The omega let out a little shaky breath, placing his hands carefully on his (obviously naked) thighs, before peering up at him with a soft smile.

"How was work, Eddie?" he asked breezily.

And Eddie already didn't want to do this anymore. He'd somehow forgotten just how guilty and on edge Buck's trepidation made him feel, how uneasy his performance and mechanical words made him.

"Get up," he ordered, squeezing at the bridge of his nose. Buck hastily did as told, now frowning. He was wearing only an apron (that had priorly been shoved away in one of the cupboards, entirely forgotten about), the strings pulled tight around his waist. Flour and butter were stuck to the fabric, and Buck's formally perfectly combed back hair had returned to the frizzy wild mess it had been at the beach. He had a red smear, like jam, at the tip of his nose where he must have scratched it, and Eddie felt weirdly hypnotised by the sight of it all. "You've been baking."

A statement, not a question. He shifted towards the kitchen, Buck close on his step.

"Mhm," the omega hummed with a nod, just as Eddie was blindsided by the sheer amount of baked goods lined up on the kitchen counters, appearing to be straight out of a food magazine. "I made protein brownies, and coffee cake, and lemon loaf, and walnut loaf, and peanut butter cookies."

Eddie's eyes traversed along the treats as Buck pointed to them, practically salivating already at the sight and smell. "That's... a lot." 

Seriously, it was nine am, and this must have taken hours, yet the kitchen was already spotless.

"You work really hard, you deserve it."

Eddie was certain that his job didn't hold even a candle to the exhaustion of what Buck had been put through on the daily. He wasn't the one who deserved to be spoiled like this. 

But he didn't say that, knowing Buck just wouldn't understand because he'd been trained to serve alphas.

And he had a more pressing question on his mind.

"Where did you get the ingredients from?" He knew for a fact he didn't have all of the ingredients for this lying around. Which meant that...

"I-" Buck trailed off, shifting from foot to foot. He ducked his head. "You said I could go out, sorry if I was wrong."

Eddie's chest tightened. He'd really been hoping that Buck wouldn't take him up on that, that he'd remain safe and at home.

Not out there, with people like-

Buck was fine, in one piece, didn't seem hurt. It wasn't like her.

"No, you can, I'm not keeping you here. You walked to the store?" He asked, leaning back against the counter to play it off casually.

Buck eyed him warily, and Eddie put on a smile. It felt sharp even to him.

"Mhm, you said you liked sweet stuff, so..."

"I do, thank you, but you really didn't have to."

Buck could've been attacked, he could've been taken and Eddie would never know, he'd have thought he ran away, just like-

"I wanted to."

"Did you?" he couldn't help but ask, far more abruptly than was necessary. He had trouble believing that Buck wanted to be doing any of this, wanted to even be having a conversation with him, because if Eddie was in Buck's shoes he'd absolutely despise any and every alpha that came his way.

As per usual, Buck just stared at him, obviously struggling to understand what he wanted to hear.

"Never mind," he waved off, before reaching for a cookie. It was still warm, obviously not long out of the oven.

Maybe he should be worried about it being poisoned, or drugged like the brownies that lady had brought to the firehouse a month back. 

But Buck's wide blue eyes exposed his very soul, conveying every singular thought and emotion he was too scared to express out loud. And looking in to them, Eddie trusted him completely.

He let out a completely unexpected moan of pleasure as he took the first bite, his eyes rolling in to the back of his head. "This cookie is really good."

He had not been expecting it. And, by the cheesy grin that crossed Buck's face, he hadn't expected the compliment either.

"Really?" the omega asked, hand coming up to twist at a loose strand of his hair, body twistijg side to side a little. So obviously bashful. 

"Really, you're really good."

The omega soaked up the praise like a flower meeting sunlight and Eddie smiled at the sight, preparing to schmooze his way in to Buck's good graces if a compliment was all it took to make him glow like that.

But he was stopped from saying any more by the omega's stomach growling in need, his smile immediately dropping.

Buck was hungry, despite having spent seemingly all morning in the kitchen.

And Eddie's immediate response was to shove the rest of the cookie in his face, before recollecting himself. 

Buck needed proper food, he may not have eaten since he left (Eddie would be checking the fridge to try and determine if he had, after this) and that would be unnaceptable. He needed a good meal, and he needed it now.

"Do you want to go out for breakfast? Get dressed, let's go," he said, placing the rest of the cookie back on the tray to finish later. Eddie had already had breakfast at the station, but he'd have it again if need be.

Buck was very quick to agree. Of course he was, food and going outside? He doubted the omega would ever ask for anything more than that.

"Yes, Eddie."

He gave Buck the bedroom to get dressed in, and it was only as he was waiting that the question of where exactly Buck had gotten the money to go shopping crossed his mind.

But he didn't get the chance to ask, as the question completely left his mind when he grabbed a belt to give Buck for his jeans, and the omega completely recoiled away from him.

"Sorry, sorry," Buck gasped out, shaking hands coming up to cover his face as his body curled in on itself, backing up against the wall until he was pushed away in to a corner.

Those expressive blue eyes were alight with fear, honed in on the belt in Eddie's hand. Obviously anticipating him to lash it out and hit him, yet doing nothing to prevent it.

"Buck, I wasn't..." his chest hurt, and he let the belt drop on to the table next to him, shuffling back a step, but Buck kept staring at him like he'd attack at any moment. Eddie hated it. He hated feeling like a monster. But there was nothing he could do to change it, other than keep pushing to prove that he would never do anything like that. Hopefully, if Buck was here for a long time, he'd someday believe it. "It's for you. To put on," he swallowed, keeping his hands carefully still at his sides, despite the immense urge to clench them and punch something.

Buck's own hands remained hovering up by his face, still shaking all over as he watched him. 

The air was ripe with the scent of his cloying panic, and it made Eddie's head ache.

Eventually, Buck let out a shaky breath, lowering his hands, but his body remained curled in on itself, ready to block his stomach at a moments notice.

"Thank you, Eddie," he rasped, "I-"

He was struggling to think of a fact, that much was obvious by the panic brewing in his eyes.

Then he watched as Buck forcefully relaxed himself, a tenseness still very much present in his muscles and face but less obvious. "I can stay really quiet during beatings, since you don't like crying."

Eddie wished he was still at work. He wished he'd never come home, and just let Buck do his thing here, undisturbed.

Maybe he could get a hotel, and spend his spare time planning the demise of everyone who'd ever come into Buck's life. 

"I'm not going to beat you, Buck." His voice came out a little wavery, much to his embarrassment. It was clear Buck didn't believe him one bit, the omega biting back a huff, and Eddie hoped that logic would help to get his point across. "I don't like to see people in pain, I see that enough at work. The last thing I want is to see someone hurt and scared in my home, too."

It seemed like the right thing to say, when Buck softened slightly in understanding. And it was, sort of.

"I promise I'll be really good so you don't have to then."

Ah yes. Because having too dole out a beating was problematic for him, not for Buck. Buck would just take and take whatever he gave, he had no doubt about that. That was what troubled him so much, thinking of Buck when they first met, shouting and pushing at him.

The Heat House sounded like hell on earth, from what little he knew about what went on. They were raped, over and over again all day every day. They were tortured if they fought back, Eddie remembered finding people tied up in various stress positions, spread eagled and bleeding. They slept in cages, and they were starved. They were kept in a constant Heat, losing their minds to the hormones until they could barely walk.

But it hadn't been the Heat House that had broken Buck's spirit.

"Nothing you could do would ever make me hit you. You don't deserve it." 

Buck's brow quirked in a silent disbelief, and Eddie couldn't tell which part he disagreed with more.

That Eddie would never hit him, or that he didn't deserve it.

Chapter Text

Eddie was weird.

Really weird.

And he meant that in a nice way. Sort of. Maybe.

Eddie thought he was ugly, that Buck knew for sure. He thought he was so ugly he didn't even want to fuck him from behind. Not that Buck minded. Truthfully, he was relieved (which was bad, he should want to serve his alpha).

Except being fucked hurt. Usually. Most of the time. When he didn't actually want it, it did. 

(It doesn't matter what you want).

But he was pretty sure that with Eddie, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. Maybe he'd be gentle, like he had been thus far with him. And he was stupidly attractive, which certainly would have softened the blow.

That wasn't the only thing that made Eddie weird. 

He could understand not wanting to sleep with him, not wanting to touch his used up whore hole, but why the niceness? And the unnecesary generosity? 

What had Buck done to deserve it? He hadn't even been a good warm hole for him to fuck, he'd just been a nuisance.

And he'd tried to run away, not that Eddie knew that.

He'd tried to run, to catch a bus to Pennsylvania. Sucked a guy off behind a dumpster for cash (no teeth or I'll rip them out of your skull), to set off and go. 

But something had stopped him, before he bought the ticket. Guilt, maybe. Definitely unprecedented. But Eddie had saved his life, and bought him clothes, and fed him, and it would be completely selfish to just run away and waste the man's money, even if it was clear that he wasn't wanted.

Somehow, he'd ended up crying in the grocery store aisles, buying sugar and flour to make something sweet for Eddie when he got back from work, the guilt eating him alive as his mouth carried the aftertaste of salt and sweat from that guy's cock.

And Eddie had been so stupidly nice to him when he got home, and he wouldn't have been if he knew what he almost did. And Buck had thought, hoped even, that he was getting his due punishment when Eddie had approached him holding a belt, had expected to hear that silencing swoosh of leather through the air, followed by the cracking on his skin. 

He'd braced for it.

But it never came.

And now here they were, sat in a diner. Eddie told him to get whatever he wanted, and he didn't even make Buck kneel between his legs as some stupid power play in front of everyone (filthy sluts shouldn't be allowed on furniture).

So, after double checking that Eddie actually wanted him to get something- he supposed it didn't matter to Eddie if he got fat, given he was already unattractive to him- he scanned down the numbers to pick the cheapest item.

"Please can I have that, Eddie?" He asked, keeping his tone carefully cautious, prepared for rejection, as he pointed at an item.

(Don't expect food, you get what you're given).

"Yeah, a coke, and what do you want to eat?"

Oh.

His eyes slid down the page in search of a number that was still cheap but more food worthy.

"That one?" He asked, face warming beneath the gaze of the seemingly fed up waitress, waiting to take their order.

"That's... a beer, Buck."

"Oh."

Stupid.

Flustered, his eyes raked over the menu again, trying desperately to make sense of it.

The waitress' pen tapped against her notepad as she stared at him, an air of impatience about her.

"The food's on the inside," Eddie said after a long moment, flipping the menu over for him and pointing.

"Right, sorry," Buck said, picking it up again with shaky hands. His vision was becoming blurry, and his face was definitely red.

"That one?" He asked hopefully, showing Eddie something else.

"That's for lunch. It says it's served only after 12pm," the waitress cut in, sounding very much annoyed with his inadequacy. Yikes.

He'd well and truly screwed his chances of getting breakfast today. Or of getting taken out for food ever again.

(There's only one thing your mouth is good for).

"Um..." he stared, and stared, brain completely blank.

"How about you read the menu, then I'll come back," she huffed, walking off before either of them could say anything, before Eddie could even place his own order.

And Buck shrank in on himself beneath his alpha's gaze, feeling so incredibly guilty for being such an annoyance, for being an embarrassment.

"They have pancakes, eggs on toast, fruit and yogurt bowls, or a fry up," Eddie supplied.

Buck nodded.

"Please can I have a fruit bowl? Please." He wouldn't blame Eddie for saying no. He really, really wouldn't.

But instead, he was yet again surprised when the man actually nodded, despite everything.

Eddie was very weird. 

Buck was waiting for either his perfomance to falter, or for the patience to run out. There had to be a catch to all of this.

He stared down at the table, hands fidgeting beneath it, and stayed completely silent when the waitress eventually came back over.

"Did you still want a coke?" Eddie asked after ordering the food, and Buck risked a quick glance up.

"Just water's fine, please."

Water should be free, right?

The waitress didn't bother with small talk, just wrote it down and left, and Buck felt incredibly bad for being so difficult.

He kept his head low, not wanting to look and see whatever emotion Eddie was staring at him with.

"Thanks, Eddie," he said, knee beginning to bounce beneath the table. "I haven't been out for food in ages."

He hadn't done normal people stuff in ages, he should say. Before Eddie, he literally hadn't been out in the general public since he signed himself away to the Heat House, not knowing what he'd lose. 

One of many stupid decisions of his.

"We'll have to do it again, then."

Really?

At that, he lifted his gaze up, in pure surprise.

Eddie had his hands clasped, thumbs twiddling with one another, but otherwise appeared completely passive, brown eyes studying him almost.

Not annoyed with him in the slightest.

And Buck would know, he was very adept at knowing when someone was irritated with him, he had a penchant for getting on people's nerves.

(You're exhausting, Evan).

Maybe Eddie was just a very patient person.

But even patient people had their limit. 

"Hey, Buck?" Eddie said, after they'd spent several long moments just intensely staring at one another, and Buck blinked away the daze he'd sunk in to. "Can you read me the specials?"

He pushed the menu back over to him, and Buck felt his chest tighten, making it difficult to breathe.

He swallowed, pursed his lips, felt himself flush yet again. Prepared to say something, anything, but Eddie beat him to the punch.

"You can't read."

A statement. Not a question.

He squeezed his eyes closed, humiliation burning him alive.

"I'm stupid. Sorry."

That was all there was to say on the matter, really. He had no defence, there was no sugar coating it, no denying it.

He couldn't read. Not really.

Eddie was quiet, contemplative, and then "Did you not go to school?"

Oh god. Could the ground open up and swallow him whole now?

"Yeah, but I'm stupid," he repeated, this time with a little huff, trying to play it off as some sort of joke as he usually did whenever this came up. He opened his eyes and bit at the inside of his cheek upon seeing Eddie's furrowed brows.

Ugly and stupid. Maybe he should have left after all, saved Eddie the trouble of dealing with him for any longer. He must surely be so disappointed, to be stuck with him.

(What did I do to deserve being stuck with you?)

"Nobodies just stupid, there's got to be a reason."

"Well there isn't," Buck immediately grimaced at the sharpness in his own voice. Braced for a slap to the face, for the sting of shame as people looked at them, judging and laughing at seeing him rightfully put in his place. When non came, he let out a steadying breath to continue in a much calmer tone. "I went to school, I just didn't care enough. It's not like it matters anyway, it doesn't affect my job."

His job being to be a pliant and obedient fuck toy.

The worst part was that he wasn't even lying. He had only himself to blame, for not doing well. He had his chance to learn, and he missed it. He'd always struggled in school, struggled to listen, struggled to focus, he was the problem.

"Why didn't your parents help you?" Eddie pressed, and Buck tensed, not having thought about them in a while. "Even if this is some bullshit about you being an omega, you should've learned years before you presented."

"They weren't really the caring type," he shrugged. Understatement of the century. They hadn't cared one bit about how he was doing, and because they hadn't cared he hadn't cared. Then he presented, and was pulled out of school anyway, so it hadn't mattered in the end.

He didn't need to know how to read, he just needed to be pliant and easy.

"Buck." 

Eddie looked disappointed. Disappointed with him?

"It doesn't matter," he waved off, before straightening in his seat, remembering that he should never be dismissive of an alpha, and tell them what does and doesn't matter. "Unless it's important to you, in which case I'll do my best to learn."

The waitress came back over with their food, and the embarrassment made a quick return.

"Can we please drop it for now?" he whispered, just in time before she placed everything down in front of them, making no comment before leaving again. 

Eddie frowned after her, appearing incredibly displeased.

"Okay," he then agreed, and gestured for Buck to eat his food.

And he did. He was super hungry, it was crazy how quickly he'd gotten used to eating meals again, that skipping dinner had made him dizzy. Not long ago he'd been in a constant state of being so hungry that he didn't feel it anymore, it was just a constant hollowness in his stomach.

Buck ate his food, even though he was painfully aware of the others watching them, probably judging his alpha's generosity. Felt their eyes stinging, staring, sneering. And maybe he was being a little self concious, a little too wary, after all it didn't matter what they thought it only mattered what Eddie thought. And Eddie wanted him to eat.

"So when did you last eat out?"

Yet another reason why Eddie was weird. He actually liked Buck talking. Or at least he seemed to. He always invited him to talk, to make conversation, to talk about himself, and Buck had yet to notice the bored or annoyed expression that other people always had whenever Buck spoke too much.

Maybe Eddie was lonely. And that was why he got Buck, to be a companion in more than just a sexual manner.

Or maybe he was just awkward, and hadn't yet learned that he didn't need to bother conversing with Buck, like he would anyone else.

"Just before I got to LA. I lived in Peru and there was this old lady who served home made food every day."

Eddie's mouth opened in surprise, which was to be expected. It felt like another person's life to him too. "You lived in Peru?"

"For a year," Buck nodded, flushing at the attention.

"That's so cool, what sent you all the way down there?"

Why did he care? Why was he pretending to be interested in Buck's life? Looking for leverage maybe?

"I moved around a lot and eventually got bored of the US, so I got a job down there," he shrugged, choosing all of his words very carefully to not reveal too much, as he once had a tendency of doing.

"Oh, wow. Where else have you been?" Eddie was looking at his food as he ate, allowing Buck to stare openly at him, searching the man's face for something.

Something he didn't find.

"When I left Pennsylvania, I spent a little while bouncing up and down the east coast, and stopped in Virginia Beach," until his girlfriend at the time humiliated him by slipping heat inducers in to his drink at a party. "Then followed this construction team down to Florida," until he'd sweated through the pheromone blockers he'd been generously applying, and all the construction guys had tried to rail him when they discovered what he was. "Then drove across the country and stopped in Arizona, then California," he'd by then mastered passing as a beta, and enlisted in the SEALS just to prove that he could. Had passed initial examinations with flying colours. "Then Montana," where he fell in love with another omega, and eventually had to leave to save them from having their reputation ruined. "Then back to the east coast, then my friend from Montana invited me to Peru."

And then to LA. Where the one thing he did have, his freedom, was taken.

Eddie hummed, appearing a mixture of both surprised and impressed by it all. Almost disbelieving. Understandable, Buck couldn't believe he'd once lived by his own free will either.

"Was Maddie with you?" Eddie then asked, and the spoon Buck had been holding clattered in to his bowl as his heart dropped right along with it.

He stared at the alpha in shock, not having at all expected to be ambushed like that.

It took him several moments to remember how Eddie even knew who Maddie was, and even when he remembered screaming for his sister in the man's arms all those months ago he was still completely blindsided.

Because seriously. What, the, fuck.

"You know she's alive, right? Or at least that's what I've been told."

Told? Told by who? Why were people talking about his sister!?

Yes Buck knew she was alive, but she was just as lost to him as if she'd been dead. So why the fuck was Eddie talking about her? How did he know? Was he trying to hurt him?

His nails dug in to his leg, as his heart began to race in his chest.

Everything was so loud all of a sudden. So loud and so warm. The lights, the other people, the plates and cutlery.

He shifted in his seat, uncomfortable beneath Eddie's gaze, his stomach twisting in a hollow pain as he tried so desperately not to think of the last time he'd seen his sister, her eyes so full of pain and fear, as they were dragged their seperate ways.

"If I can find her, would you like to see her?"

Buck immediately shook his head. "You won't be able to reach her."

Why was Eddie even bothering to consider doing that? Why did he care? Maybe he was just hoping he could get rid of him, by sending him to his sister?

Maybe he should have gotten on that bus to Pennsylvania after all.

Yet again, Eddie's face furrowed. And he leaned back in his seat, arms crossing. "Why not?"

"She was sent back home to her alpha," Buck bit at his lip, trying not to think to deeply in to what Maddie must be going through right now, as he sat there unharmed and fed. "He doesn't like me much," he added quietly.

"Oh," Eddie blinked, and then an air of worry emmited from him. He was so, so weird. "Do you think your sister needs help?"

Buck couldn't help but laugh at that question, a wretched broken thing.

Does she need help?

Who didn't need help? Buck didn't think there was an omega out there who didn't need help in one way or another.

And his sister was yet another lost cause, trapped and isolated with a violent obsessive maniac, who legally had all rights to her.

"No one's going to help us," he muttered.

He'd accepted that fact when he was nineteen, and left home to help himself.

Losing his freedom, the only thing he had left, a year ago had cemented that point.

"I want to," Eddie said, and Buck instictively shrunk away when the man reached over the table as though going to touch him.

(You don't flinch, anyone can touch you when they damn well please, don't pretend you're too good for it).

Eddie dropped his hand back to the table, and let out a sigh. "I want to help you, Buck. I want you to be happy."

Why?!

"Maddie's gone," Buck said, going numb inside at his own words.

He forcefully swallowed down the nausea, and finished his food. And Eddie, mercifully, dropped the subject there.

That didn't stop the clawing pain in his chest from persisting through out the rest of the day, however. Even when they went for a walk, Eddie sticking close to him and glaring at anyone who looked his way.

Maddie, Maddie, Maddie. That was all he could think of, all he could feel and breathe. What was she doing right now? Was she hungry? Hurt? Chained up? Scared?

Eventually they circled back around to head back to Eddie's car, and it was then that Buck's day was ruined even more.

By a baby boy, with chubby round cheeks and a yellow sunhat pushed on to his head, curls peeping out from it and big blue eyes, sitting on his mother's hip and waving a chunky hand.

And Buck felt like he'd been hit by a car. 

He grabbed on to Eddie without thinking, squeezing the man's arms in a vice like grip as he stumbled to a complete stop, almost tripping over himself.

His eyes followed after the woman, glued to the baby, his body aching with such a heavy absence. His vision went blurry, lightheaded, and he swayed in a physical agony brought forth by what he didn't have.

"Buck?" Eddie asked, stepping in to his view, worry seeping off of him in a dizzying smell.

And with that Buck let go of him, waving it all off, before keeping moving in hurried steps.

He squeezed his eyes closed once they were in the car, to forcefully expel the tears that bad built up in them. Head facing out of the window, out of view of Eddie, as he worked on keeping his breathing steady, even, not wanting the man to know he was breaking apart.

It felt like the world was caving in on him. Like he couldn't breathe. 

Empty, too empty.

He just nodded along when Eddie asked whether he was okay. Staying silent, and letting out a breath of relief when Eddie dropped the matter to instead start driving.

He stared pointedly ahead as they made the short drive back to Eddie's, arms wrapped around his flat stomach and squeezing tight.

It was very quiet between then when they got back to the house. It was clear Eddie didn't know what to do with him anymore, and Buck was just as uncertain on how to proceed.

The house was spotless, he'd scrubbed every inch of it last night as he cried in guilt from cheating (was it cheating?) and trying to run away. And they were both full, and there was more than enough baked goods if not.

The only other duty Buck had was being pleasing in bed, but Eddie wasn't interested in that.

And Eddie had clearly ran out of inspiration for attempts at making conversation.

So instead, the alpha invited him to sit down on the couch with him and watch TV, and Buck did as told.

He sat down on the very edge of the seat, posture tense, and simply repeated how he didn't mind what Eddie put on when asked. Then he remembered Eddie saying that he liked telenovelas, so asked to watch one of those, and forced out all thoughts of what he was missing to instead be absorbed by the actually insanely addictive storylines happening in front of him.

Eventually he worked up the courage to ask Eddie for context, and then without even realising it he began to relax back in to the couch, making idle chatter and comments about the show.

That was how they spent the rest of the day. Eddie must have been tired from work, because he dozed off after a couple of hours, head hanging to his chest and snoring softly.

And Buck bit back a smile, before picking up a cushion and carrfully tucking it between the man's neck and head.

He spent the time waiting for him to wake up examining him, staring at the man's face after denying himself the opportunity to take more than quick glances while he was awake.

He'd mapped out the way his dark hair fell, the stubble on his face, and the perfect bow of his lips, by the time Eddie stirred again.

Rubbing at his round brown eyes and apologising for dozing off, and Buck quickly stared down at his lap.

Then they made and ate dinner together, before settling back on the couch to engorge themselves with lots and lots of cake whilst continuing watching the novelas.

And Buck felt so bloated. 

His belly was protruding in a little bump, like it hadn't since--

He made note not to eat so much tomorrow.

(Look at you, you're fat, no one wants a fat greedy omega).

His head had gone a pleasant sort of empty, by then. He used the fictional storylines to eradicate any other thought, any worries or aching absence he may have otherwise felt. His stomach lurched each time he was reminded by something, reminded of what he was missing, but he forcefully shoved the memories back down and was semi successful in doing so.

With a stuffed full stomach, Eddie quickly began to doze off again, hand resting over his own stomach and repeatedly shaking himself back to conciseness each time he began to drift. 

It was stupidly sweet, and after the forth time Buck braved askomg if he'd like to go to bed.

"Yeah, yeah think so. You don't have to though," he nodded through a yawn, stretching out his muscled arms and apologising after lightly brushing Buck's shoulder.

"Do you want me in your bed, Eddie?" He asked, hoping he wouldn't regret such a question. "I can- I can sleep somewhere else, if you want?"

He wasn't going to provide any ideas of where else he could sleep. Buck could and would sleep just about anywhere, he'd slept chained up by his arms on displaced shoulders before, but that didn't mean he wanted to go back to not having a bed. He hadn't slept in a proper bed since he left Pennsylvania, and over the last year the closest he'd come to resting on anything even slightly resembling comfort was the padded surfaces he'd be bent over and fucked on.

Having a bed had been a very nice change of pace.

But Buck was willing to give it up, after all Eddie had done for him.

Eddie looked confused by the question, pausing with his arms stretched high above his head to stare at him, frowning.

"I can take the couch if you don't wanna sleep with me."

That was not the response he had expected.

"No, no! I-I do! I wanna sleep with you, Eddie," Buck's face heated at the words. Even if he didn't mean it in that way (though he would have said the same thing if asked in that context).

Eddie clearly didn't believe him, his eyes narrowing critically, and Buck felt panic thrum through his veins, worried that he'd screwed this up completely.

He stood up, and boldly held out a hand for Eddie to take. "Let's go to bed, both of us."

He couldn't let Eddie think he didn't want him. He couldn't.

His heart stuttered, when Eddie eventually took his hand. His grip soft, gentle, only squeezing a little before also standing up.

"I'm taking a shower first."

Should he offer to join him? Probably, but he was far too frazzled to think things through.

"Okay, I'll wait for you," Buck nodded, and they both stood there, still holding each other's hand, for far longer than ordinary. And it was only after noticing the quirk of amusement in Eddie's face, that Buck hurriedly let go. 

And he turned, and walked to the bedroom, and stripped, folding his clothes neatly out of the way, before taking his usual position on the fresh bedsheets he'd put on last night. Hands and knees, back curved, ass up.

Eddie came in after him, and he heard his steps stop in the bedroom doorway. 

Then he wordlessly resumed moving, pulling clothes out of a drawer and throwing them on the bed at Buck, before heading in to the ensuite.

And his body went lax, lying flat on his belly on the bed as shame and humiliation (and a bit of relief) curled in his chest.

Eddie really really thought he was that ugly, that disgusting.

He listened to the shower run, and only then did he pull on the sweatpants and shirt provided for him, and after another long pause he braved getting under the sheets and just lying down on his side. 

If Eddie was hiding a cruel side, just playing a game with him, it would come out eventually irregardless to what he did. So, he may as well get it over with, and see what happened if he just stopped doing as he was supposed to.

Still he tensed, when Eddie reemerged. Huddled under the sheets, going as still as humanly possible, as he felt the sheets on the other side lift up.

"Hey, Buck?" Eddie whispered, as he carefully slipped in behind him. Keeping a distance, not even slightly touching, just as he had the other nights. 

Buck really didn't understand why he didn't just let him sleep on the floor, or on the couch. What did he get out of him sleeping in his bed, unused? Maybe he liked his fearful trepidation?

"Yeah, Eddie?"

Eddie was quiet, for several moments. And Buck stared at the wall, tense at having his back to the man but unwilling to move and face him.

He inhaled deeply, trying to make sense of the alpha's scent in the air.

"Do you remember Athena? The police Sergeant who took your statement after the Heat House?" Eddie started.

And at that Buck did turn over, slowly, carefully. Squeezed his pillow, as he blinked at the other man in the dark.

"I-" Eddie let out a heavy sigh. "This is going to sound bad. I just wanted to make sure there wasn't anyone I should be reaching out to, to help you. So I asked her to look in to some people for you. Like your sister."

So that was why he'd brought up Maddie.

"Okay?"

And was this going to be good news, or...

Bad news. Definitely bad news. Was Maddie okay!? What did she find!?

Of all the things Buck had expected Eddie to say, what came out of the man's mouth next caught him entirely off guard.

"Athena found no death certificate for your baby."

There was a high pitched shrieking sound in his ears, making his head throb in tangent with his heart.

He phased out, staring intensely at a point just past Eddie's ear, as his arms wrapped even tighter around the pillow, squeezing it to his chest. 

The baby. His baby. A mere pound and five ounces of red skin and jerky limbs. 

Blood everywhere, machines beeping like crazy, as Buck just lay there prone. 

Looking at his baby, in another person's arms, for the last time.

(He's not yours).

Buck's arms were empty. They still were.

"What happened to them, Buck?" Eddie whispered, and a sourness pushed through the pain, an unreasonable anger rearing it's ugly head.

He sat up, arms letting go of the pillow to instead squeeze himself. Inhaled a sharp, shuddery breath. "None of your business."

Eddie sat up too, biting at his lip, the small amount of light in the room glinting in his brown worrisome eyes.

"If they're out there, and you want to see them, you should be allowed to, Buck."

He was so irrationally angry. At Eddie, for bringing this up. At the world, for doing this to him.

He threw the sheets off of himself and stood, more than ready to get the hell out of there. "You don't know what you're talking about!"

His heart picked up pace, his hands shook, as he flung open the bedroom door and Eddie hurriedly stood up after him.

Chasing him.

"Where are you going?"

A hand grabbed his shoulder, and a scream tore its way out of him, as he twisted around on his feet and shoved at Eddie's chest with all of his might, sending the man banging back in to a wall with an oomf. 

And it was like a bucket of ice had been thrown over him. Painful, startling.

His hands came up to his mouth, and he sobbed.

And, somehow, someway, rather than those strong hands swinging forwards and striking him, instead he found himself collapsed in Eddie's arms.

The alpha lowered them down to the floor as Buck sobbed, and he thoughtlessly slung his arms around Eddie's broad shoulders and proceeded to cry out all that he'd been forced to hold in into the man's shirt.

Chapter Text

Buck used to be brave.

He used to make it a point to be as brave as possible, even to his own detriment. 

He'd jump off of cliffs in to raging sea waves, get on the backs of stranger's motorcycles, and sleep under street lamps.

People liked him, when he was brave. They talked about how they couldn't believe he was an omega, they laughed with (at?) him as he pulled stunt after stunt, they treated him like a friend. A friend with benefits, obviously, but still a friend.

(We're friends, right?

...Sure)

Buck wasn't brave anymore.

He'd tried to be, for as long as possible.

He'd tried to be brave when he very quickly realised that the Heat House wasn't what he thought it was, and that he was trapped there. When instead of luxury accommodation he was met with chains and cages and dog bowls kicked over to him on the floor.

He'd bit at his lip as he was pounded against any available surface, over and over, cock after cock, until his hole burned even despite the slick, and his insides and stomach ached from how stuffed full of cum they were.

He took it all, didn't plead for a break despite desperately needing one, not wanting to disappoint the alphas who'd come for pleasure, and certainly not wanting to look weak. He kept his cries quiet, and clenched, and rubbed, and sucked without complaint. 

Until he was pushed too far.

When a man burried deep inside of him from behind, wrapped his hands around his throat in a suffocatingly tight grip, and slammed him again and again in to the wall. Until his head bled, until his lungs burnt, and his vision blurred from tears and lack of oxygen. 

And he'd thought he was going to die right there on someone's knot. 

(That's right, fucking choke, you little bitch. I'm gonna be the last thing you see, the last thing you feel inside this sloppy whore whole).

So, he'd fought. He kicked, and clawed at the hands, threw his head back, bit at the arm that wrapped around his chest to try get him to still. 

It had felt impossible to twist around when he had someone burried inside of him but eventually he managed it, heaving in pain upon pulling himself off of the growing knot before quickly turning on his feet.

Then he started punching and screaming, and he'd actually been holding his own okay until others intervened and teamed up on him. Grabbing him, beating him, shoving him down to the floor again and again each time he got up. He didn't stop trying, even once he could barely see straight much less throw a punch, until one of the people who ran the place came in and stunned him with a cattle rod.

And despite the heavy bruising on his neck and his cracked open head, the alpha was believed when he said that he hadn't been doing anything against the rules, and had merely acted in self defense when Buck lashed out out of nowhere. 

That was when Buck was sent to the bad part of the Heat House, something he hadn't even been aware existed. Where the torture didn't stop, and the only rule guests had was not to kill him. And that was where he stayed for the rest of the months he was there, even as his belly grew with an innocent baby so susceptible to all that happened to him.

He stopped being brave then. He instead spent every moment that he wasn't safely locked up in his cage fearing for himself and his unborn baby, crying at every hit and curling around his midsection in attempts to protect it, screaming and kicking whenever someone wanted to lay out hits directly to his belly.

It only ever got him in to more trouble. Even as he pleaded, begged for reprieve, so certain that just one more slap would make his baby die inside of him, it never stopped. So, he'd stopped fighting, if only to try and limit the pain that was dished out in waves.

And Buck hadn't been brave since, except for that brief stint where he'd thought Maddie was still in the fire, but even that had been done in a numbing fear.

That was why he didn't fight Eddie, when he took a hold of him. Merely cowered in his arms after being so bad, waiting for the man's grip to painfully tighten around his frame or for his hands to slip around to his throat.

He'd shoved him.

"I'm sorry," Buck gasped out, shuddering uncontrollably. "Oh my god, I'm sorry."

He'd pushed and yelled at his alpha. He hadn't done anything like that in a long time, not since he was taught better at the rehabilitation center.

He was better, he was supposed to be better, he was supposed to be good. Good for Eddie. He'd already been so disappointing, and Eddie had been patient with him, but now this...

"It's okay," Eddie said, his hand rubbing up and down his back. And Buck keened, pressing closer to Eddie's chest in attempt to move away from the touch, anticipating the pain that strong and heavy hand could so easily bring to him.

It stilled.

Oh, that's right. Eddie was weird and he didn't like to see him cry or scared (at least that's what he said). So Buck was probably making him even more mad, grovelling like this. He must want him to be calm, collected, to accept his punishment without kicking up a fuss.

Something Buck could usually do, he'd mastered phasing out when he was in trouble, but right now he was far too hurt and riled up over the conversation about his baby to think clearly.

"It's not," he said, trying unsuccessfully to keep his voice steady. "I'm sorry."

Sorry, but you brought up the one thing that broke me in to so many little pieces that I couldn't possibly ever recover from it.

Eddie sighed.

"Buck," he said, and Buck winced, waiting for the inevitable fall out. "Buck, look at me."

An order. And while he didn't want to, didn't want to see the anger that must be brewing in those so far kind brown eyes, didn't want Eddie to see the tears he was barely containing in his own, he complied. He leaned back a little from the man's chest, and flickered his eyes up to Eddie's face.

Just briefly meeting eyes, before staring intently at the bridge of his nose instead.

"It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you."

Buck laughed wetly.

"You should," he said, wondering what game Eddie was playing. Why he was pretending to be such a pushover? What could he possibly gain from giving Buck false hope like this? "You should," he repeated, wiping at his face as his lip wobbled.

Eddie pulled him back in to his embrace, and held him there despite his initial flinch away from the touch. And Buck stilled, before breaking out in to gaspy sobs, dizzy with confusion and stress and fear.

And Eddie didn't hurt him. Just let him weep in to his shoulder, hands slowly rubbing circles in to his back.

And Buck's cries grew in fearceness, as he realised that this was perhaps the first time he'd felt a nice uninvasive touch since he left his sister in Pennsylvania. 

"Do you like jello?" Eddie asked after a while, and his brain completely blanked at the randomness of the question.

"What?"

"Jello, you know the desert?"

"I know what jello is," he huffed, immediately grimacing at his own tone afterwards. Still, Eddie remained passively calm. Buck would rather be hit than be made to wait in anticipation of him snapping. "It's fine."

Jello was hospital food, was he about to turn the conversation in to how he'd be having lots of it, when he hurt him so bad he was hospitalised?

Buck tensed.

"What's your favourite flavour?"

"Strawberry, I guess," he rasped, just trying to breathe as his stomach twisted in to knots and his chest tightened.

"Good, so good," Eddie said, lifting his hand to comb through Buck's hair, and he let out another sob from just how nice it felt. For so long hands had only used his hair to drag him around, or to keep him still as he sucked and was smacked about. He waited for the fingers to turn in to tight fistfuls of hair, but they didn't. "Can you do something for me, Buck?"

"Anything," he said, even though he was terrified of what that could entail. But he would do anything if it meant that Eddie might touch him kindly for at least a little while longer. After all what could Eddie possibly tell him to do that he hadn't already?

"Close your eyes," Eddie said, and Buck listened, his heart racing as more tears were squeezed out, dampening the man's shirt. He braced himself. "And I want you to think about your feet, and feel them turning in to soft, strawberry jello."

He almost laughed, almost. That not at all being the turn of conversation he'd been expecting.

Instead, after a brief moment of shock, he did his best to listen.

"Can you feel that?" Eddie asked after giving him several long moments of quiet, during which Buck listened to Eddie's heart beat steadily in his chest.

He nodded.

"Good, now let that jello go up to your calves." Another pause, and Buck realised that he was exhaling on to Eddie's pulse point when the man shuddered. He turned to burry his face in the man's shoulder instead. "Now up to your thighs... And up to your pelvis and stomach." Eddie didn't smell angry, Buck belatedly realised. He smelled good, not invasively threatening. "Your whole body is turning in to squishy, bouncy jello. Now let it run up to your chest." Their chests were pressed together, and Buck felt himself subconsciously copy Eddie's breathing. "Your arms." When did he wrap them around Eddie, and cling on to his shirt?  "Your head." Which was so heavy, and Eddie was so soft to rest on. "You are one giant Buck jello mould."

He sniffled, at some point having stopped sobbing, and maybe that was the purpose of all this?

Eddie shouldn't have to calm him down, he should be able to do that himself.

Instead he was miserably pathetic, emotionally unstable, proving all omega stereotypes right.

"Sorry," he whispered one last time.

And Eddie hugged him a little tighter.

"It's okay."

It wasn't, but Buck had fucked up enough today so the last thing he should do was argue even more.

"Buck," Eddie said after holding him for a few minutes. And he flushed at the whine he unwillingly let out when the man pulled away a little.

Eddie met his eyes. Warm caramel brown, so round and gentle. Like a cow, or a deer.

"What happened to your baby?"

He almost broke out in to tears again, the sound ripping from his throat.

"I don't know," he said, his grip on Eddie tightening. "They took him. I tried to stop them but they took him anyway."

Not even ten minutes after he gave birth, before he could even get the chance to hold him, even get a good look, even be reassured that he was stable despite being so premature. 

Eddie's face furrowed. "Who did?"

"CPS." They'd ambushed him as soon as he got out of hospital after the Heat House, asking how he was going to support the baby, pressuring him to give up custody now so that they could put his unborn child on an adoption list. Then they waited outside of the delivery room, he'd seen them watching, waiting, talking to the midwife with a police officer at their side. "I tried to run away but they caught me."

He'd climbed off of the bed, hours into labour and almost ready to push, ready to run to another hospital. He would've given birth on the streets if not for how high risk the labour was.

They'd quickly caught him, obviously. Stabbing him with a sedative to keep him pliant and still through the rest of the delivery.

"What did they say? Why did they take him?" 

Buck was certain Eddie would blame him, just like everyone else did.

"They said I can't look after him," he sniffed. And maybe they were right. But he would've tried, he would've done anything just to try, just to at least be in his baby's life. Yes, his child would probably be better off in a stable family, with a stable roof over their heads, and stable careers, but the selfish part of Buck said otherwise. "And then I-"

He stopped himself. 

He shouldn't tell Eddie about that. About how he'd stormed through the hospital, blood still dripping down his legs, screaming and shoving and hitting at anything and anyone who stood in his way as he searched for what part of the NICU they'd moved his baby to.

"Then what?"

Then he was trialed for public disturbance and assault and put in the Rehabilitation Center, never to see or hear about his baby's fait again. 

He didn't even know if he survived, the nurses and midwives had all been pretty open about the likelihood of his baby dying because of how underdeveloped it would be. And from the glimpses Buck had seen in his drugged and panicked state of mind, his baby had been so unbelievably tiny, skin translucent almost.

And if he was alive, like Eddie seemed to think, he didn't know his name, or what he looked like, or if he'd been put with a family.

"I got in trouble," he said before laughing weakly, tears beginning to drip down his face again, skin sore from the saltiness of his tears. "I just wanted my baby, Eddie. I would've been better for him."

He would've tried so hard, why couldn't they at least have let him try? He already loved his baby, so much, so much it hurt to be away like an aching void despite never having really been with him to begin with.

And all Buck had wanted as a kid was to be loved, nothing else had mattered to him. He could have provided so much love for his baby, to an extremity he was certain no one else ever could. And, maybe, that could have been enough?

"You were in a bad position, but they shouldn't have just taken him away when nothing that happened was your fault."

It was kinda his fault though, really, but he wasn't going to say that. It was embarrassing how gullible he'd been. The mess he'd gotten himself in to by being too trusting.

(Just ride out your heat here, Buck. I'll be back for you, promise!)

"You should at least be able to fight for custody now that you're not in... that place, anymore."

His heart stuttered at the idea, feeling the entire world screech to a halt around him.

Was that even possible?

Did he even have a chance? Now that he lived somewhere, and had an alpha with a good job. But that would mean that Eddie would have to help, would have to support them at least until Buck could figure something out for himself.

Eddie had only wanted an omega, and Buck had already fucked up enough to be completely displeasing for him, how could he possibly expect Eddie to put up with his messes too? Put up with another man's child?

"You think?" He asked carefully, cautiously. Eying Eddie indiscreetly to see how he felt about it all. Had he even realised that Buck would have to live here with the baby, until he found somewhere else? Or was he planning on helping him get custody, then kicking both of them out?

Because Buck would take the latter option, he'd take anything just for a chance to be with his baby, but being homeless with an infant certainly wasn't something he should strive to do.

"Athena's working tomorrow, but how about the day after we visit her and see if we can figure something out?"

From what Buck remembered about Athena, she'd been nice, albeit professional. She'd helped him find Maddie, and took his statement, and patted his shoulder as she reassured him that he was safe now.

But that didn't mean he wanted to bother her, especially on her day off. She owed him nothing.

"She won't mind?" He asked, pushing down the small bit of hope that arose in his chest. He couldn't allow himself to feel it yet.

"No, she won't mind. She wants to help."

Why?

Why did Eddie keep insisting on helping, on being kind to him? Was he just dangling false hope in front of him, all so he could rip it away again?

"Okay," he whispered, his eyes becoming incredibly heavy as he forced himself to calm down.

Eddie gave him one last squeeze, before pulling away. And Buck bit back a whine, feeling cold at the sudden lack of touch, as Eddie climbed to his feet. Then he held out a hand, which Buck accepted, being pulled up to his feet.

He wobbled there for several long moments, sort of dazed, before being led back to bed.

Eddie tucked the sheets over him, which Buck squeezed to his chest and burried his face in, embarrassed at his own behaviour. He was stiff, nervous, as Eddie climbed in behind him, facing him.

"Do you like having your hair played with?" Eddie whispered after getting settled, and it took him a moment to brave nodding.

Fingers threaded through his hair soon after, gentle, soothing, and Buck practically preened, inhaling deeply and closing his eyes.

Eddie rubbed at his scalp, massaging, and he bit at the inside of his cheek to keep from crying again.

He really was pathetic. All it took was one nice touch and he was ready to give his heart and soul to Eddie.

"Why're you being so nice to me?" Buck whispered back, not wanting to break the calm quiet they'd sunken in to.

"I try to be a good person. And you deserve someone nice after everything you've been through."

He huffed out a quiet, pitiful sounding laugh.

"You're the only one who thinks so," he said, voice wobbly, before burrowing further in to the sheets as he shoved down the memories proving otherwise. "I'm not owed anything, not even food. I just exist to serve."

Eddie's fingers stopped their movements, and Buck subconsciously pushed back in attempts to them to get them to resume.

Then he winced, as he caught scent of the anger he'd been waiting for.

Why only now?

"I want to punch whoever told you that repeatedly," he ground out, and Buck almost smirked at the idea, at the thought of his trainer's stupid face meeting Eddie's fist. "You're a human being. Basic needs aren't something that's deserved, they're necessities for a reason. You are owed food, and clothes, and to be clean, and you deserve to be treated with respect."

He heard Eddie take a deep grounding breath, the air hitting the nape of his neck on the exhale.

"And I'm going to give all of that to you, as long as you're with me, okay?" Eddie said, and Buck stared ahead, his face creased in confusion, before nodding along pliantly despite not believing him one bit.

"Okay."

Perhaps it would be nice to pretend, for just a little while. Pretend that it would all turn out okay, and enjoy the time he got with an alpha who was actually nice to him.

He'd probably never get such luxury again, once it was over.

With that thought, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and focused on the feeling of fingers threading through his hair. On Eddie's soft puffs of breaths hitting his skin, and the calm unobtrusive scent radiating off of him.

After a year of restless sleeping, and his recent break down, the relaxation quickly lulled him in to a deep, dreamless sleep.

Undisturbed, curling himself up against Eddie's body, that he didn't wake up well into the next morning.

To the feeling of a warm chest beneath his head, and hands still combing his hair.

At first Buck hummed contentedly, snuggling further against the feeling.

Then he startled awake, jolting upright.

To see Eddie with his eyes wide open, Eddie awake.

Buck hurried out of the bed, jittery with adrenaline at being behind on the day already.

"Sorry! Sorry, what would you like for breakfast, Eddie?"

He was supposed to have breakfast already made. He was supposed to have already cleaned his face, and the kitchen, and be ready for whatever his master threw at him that day.

Instead, he'd slept in. Something he'd never done before.

Slept in on Eddie's chest, nonetheless. While Eddie was awake, and waiting for him to get up and do his job.

"Buck, deep breaths," Eddie instructed, sitting up on the bed and stretching, his hair all disgruntled like a wild animal. "Let's just have cereal."

Buck nodded repeatedly, overwhelmed by the memories of the night prior.

Eddie got up, took a gentle hold of his arm, and led him to the kitchen.

As per what was becoming routine, Buck set out one bowl for Eddie, and Eddie grabbed another. He poured Eddie's cereal, and his coffee, then Eddie poured his.

It was getting silly, but Buck certainly wasn't going to just assume he was getting something. 

They sat opposite each other, and ate in silence, Buck flickering his eyes up at Eddie as he began to wonder if, maybe, he actually was just a kind person like he claimed to be last night.

And while even kind people had their limits, maybe Eddie wasn't actively seeking to trick him? And had no cruel intentions?

"Do you know what this says?" Eddie asked after briefly writing on a scrap piece of paper, pushing it over to him on the table. 

Buck's stomach twisted at the question, a reflex reaction that came from being asked to read, and he blinked several times to clear his mind before looking.

It was a short word, one that felt familiar like a twinge in the back of his brain, and after a few seconds he placed a guess.

"Evan?" He said, looking up at Eddie for a reaction. Based on the pleased surprise, he must've been right. He had no idea that Eddie knew his real name. "I can recognise some stuff, I just can't understand words I haven't seen," he explained, shrugging dismissively.

Trying not to squirm in his seat, not to fidget in nerves.

He hated hated people knowing about his illiteracy. It was embarrassing, and he always did his best to keep it a secret, but it was impossible to do so when spending so much time with someone.

"Okay," Eddie nodded, biting at his bottom lip before sighing. "I don't get it, how'd you get through school without learning the alphabet?"

"I know the alphabet," Buck quickly answered, stiffening in his chair and immediately defensive. "ABCDEFGH-"

"Okay, okay," Eddie interrupted. "But can you recognise the letters? Or do you just... know the song."

Buck's knee hit the bottom of the table from bouncing it too much, and he grimaced.

Then he grabbed the paper, pulling it closer to point at the word. Short, simple. 

"That's an E, and that's an A. I didn't remember the other ones until I recognised my name."

He used to be able to recall it easily, after seeing it written on school books and forms, but it had been some time since then that he would have faltered if asked to write his name down. Buck was as much as he could manage.

Eddie hummed thoughtfully, and Buck was certain that his face was already bright red. He bit at his tongue, fighting against snapping at the man in his own defense, as Eddie took the paper back and began to write.

It took a few moments to be presented with it again, this time with a string of letters written out.

"Which of these do you know?"

"A, B, C- wait," he paused, his heart sinking as he realised that they weren't in alphabetical order. Fuck. 

His vision quickly blurred, and he was simply unable to even try and pick apart which ones he knew as a familiar feeling of hopelessness overtook him, phasing out from the seemingly impossible task completely. "I don't know, I'm sorry, Eddie."

So fucking stupid.

"It's okay," Eddie said, and Buck quickly shook his head, annoyed with himself.

"It's not, stop saying that!" God, he really needed to stop using such a tone with his alpha. "I'm so stupid."

Eddie scoffed, and Buck went to bury his face in his hands just to have them taken by the other man. He startled, daring to look up at him.

"Buck, you travelled around the continent on your own not knowing how to read. You know the exact measurements for all of those cakes you made, without recipes. You aren't stupid. This is just... something we can work on, if you want to?"

Not stupid? He had to be joking. Or just being nice again. He'd been aware that he was thick as shit since he was a kid, it had always embarrassed his mother, and Eddie's attempts to say otherwise really held no weight whatsoever.

But... 

But not being able to read had been one of the biggest hurdles he'd ever had to navigate, and that was certainly saying something. So asking did he want to was a question with a very obvious answer.

The problem was that he'd tried before, so many times, but it never worked.

"It's a hassle," Buck admitted, picking at his nails in Eddie's clutch. "I tried to learn when I was a kid, I really did, but I just couldn't. And now I'm too old and too st-"

He stopped himself, at Eddie's warning look, and fought from rolling his eyes.

Seriously, what was the point in pretending?

"Reading's knowing the letters, yeah, but it's mostly just memorisation. It'll take time, but if you keep trying then eventually you'll recognise other words like you recognised your name. You're not too old."

He was though. 

He could and would try, sure, but why would this time be any different to any of the other times he'd spent hours staring blankly at a string of words, failing to decifer them?

"I can't do it on my own," he admitted, in a barely coherent mumble.

"I'll help you," Eddie was quick to reply, oddly eager.

It must mean a lot to him, and Buck could understand that. While many people liked an omega so stupid and naive that they were solely reliant on them, to some it was embarrassing. 

Buck didn't want to be so embarrassingly stupid for Eddie, he was already ugly and annoying he had to be good at something.

"Really?" He asked, not sure whether to be hopeful or fearful at the idea.

While it was a nice offer, Buck hadn't had a great experience with people trying to teach him stuff, except for Maddie of course.

His teachers had hated him, understandably, because he was too much of a disturbance in the class. His parents just got mad when he didn't immediately grasp things, if they even bothered to explain that was. His friends(?) would laugh at him. The people who taught him all about sex had been rough, and his trainors at the rehabilitation center who taught him what it meant to be an omega had either been clinical or callous.

"Yeah," Eddie said with an easy smile, and Buck's resolve maybe sort of melted a little. "I can teach you how to read, and you can teach me something."

He scoffed a laugh, the noise dying in his throat at Eddie's raised brows.

"What could I possibly teach you?"

And even though he'd expected an answer, it still hurt to notice the hesitation.

(You're fucking useless).

"How to bake those cookies, they're to die for," Eddie eventually said, then added, a little bashfully, "and how to cook."

"You were great at cooking the other day," Buck was quick to defend, though he didn't sound convincing even to his own ears.

Eddie gave him an amused, incredulous look.

"After you cut everything up, and made sure nothing burned, and measured out all of the ingredients. I'm a hazard in the kitchen."

Buck bit at the inside of his cheek to hold back a smirk, not having an answer he could say out loud to that.

Eddie clicked his fingers, like he'd been stricken with a thought. "Oh, I know, how about we buy some cooking books?"

Cooking books?

"I'll help you read the recipes, and you'll help me make them. How's that sound?"

It sounded... good? Equal almost?

As easy as cooking came to Buck, after practically raising himself then having the activity pushed on him further after presenting, was about as easy as reading seemed to be for everyone else.

And Buck would never judge Eddie for not knowing how to cook...

"Okay, Eddie," he agreed, a smile crossing his face. A little nervous, but mostly happy.

"Great," Eddie returned his smile, then after a brief pause he stood up and collected their empty bowls. Buck hurriedly got up too, getting the coffee cups. "So we need to go to a book store, and get you a phone too for the next time I'm at work. Is there anything else you want to do today?"

A phone?!

Oh, oh fuck, yes please.

He wanted a phone again enough to not even play dismissive over it.

A phone meant a semblance of freedom, independence. 

At least, it did when he was alone.

Eddie getting him one might mean the opposite, might be so he could more easily track him, monitor him.

But if he just wanted to do that then surely there were cheaper ways?

He phased out for several long moments, only realising it when Eddie took the cups from his hands to put in the sink.

He shook himself.

"No thanks, Eddie," He replied, before squishing himself in between the other man and the sink, taking over with cleaning.

Eddie didn't leave him to it, and instead dried each dish as he rinsed them.

It was weirdly domestic. And the kitchen felt ridiculously hot.

Afterwards they took turns showering and getting dressed, Eddie putting the warm water on for him and reminding him to use all the soap and shampoo he wanted.

Buck kept his head dipped low in shame at having his body out, something he hadn't cared about in a long time, but he didn't want to see Eddie's disgust at the sight of him.

Then they were heading out again, and Buck was excited despite their destination being less than exciting.

Going in to the library felt incredibly overwhelming, surrounded by the reminders of his failures.

And he could have died, when Eddie steered them towards the kids section, an awkwardly sympathetic look on his face as he picked up a few from there, flicking through them.

From that point on Buck didn't look up from his feet, just followed along trying not to let the shame eat him alive, burning inside each time they passed someone due to the unfounded belief that they knew it was for him. Everyone knew, and were judging him for it.

First kid's school books, then the promised cooking books, then Eddie grabbed a couple other books that looked like normal story ones.

Finally, finally they were done.

"Should I be calling you Evan?" Eddie asked as they waited in line to check out.

Buck startled at the sound of that name, unexpected as it was. Maddie was the only one who called him that.

"You can call me whatever you want, Eddie," he said, slipping back in to the passive manners he'd sort of been letting slip lately, ducking his head down again.

"But what do you prefer?"

Now that was tricky, because both had issues.

Getting away from Evan had once felt like a breath of fresh air, a new start from the role he'd pushed in to his entire childhood. Evan, meak and quiet and lonely, trapped in that stuffy house meeting potential mates double his age.

Buck had been cool, wild, people liked Buck. Buck travelled the continent, and worked, and answered to nobody.

But then Buck had also been a sex slave, and lost his baby, and changed irreparably.

"I'm fine with Buck," he replied, if only because it had been so long now that it was what he was used to, and he didn't want Eddie to have to change.

Eddie nodded in acknowledgment, and then it was their turn at the register.

Eddie payed, also buying a small notebook and pen, and then picked up the bag they were all stacked in to.

"Thank you, Eddie," Buck was quick to say, holding out a hand in offer to carry everything, but it was ignored.

A fact. He needed to share a fact.

A task that was always difficult, because he could never quite grasp what was acceptable and what wasn't.

Eddie never seemed best pleased by information in to his sexual exploits, even though some of them were arguably impressive. He supposed it made sense not to want to hear about how slutty and used an omega he payed good money for was.

But he also didn't like to share anything too personal, worried that any information he shared could somehow be used against him, any likes of his forbidden and dislikes handed out in plenty.

"I'm-- I changed my name to Buck when I was nineteen, I never liked Evan it sounded... I dunno, small?" He eventually shared.

Weak was what he wanted to say, but he didn't want to hear the inevitable but you are weak.

"You suit Buck, it's different," Eddie nodded thoughtfully, and wow it was crazy how happy that simple comment made him feel.

He practically beamed, reaching to open the car door as they neared it but stopping when he noticed Eddie pause, the man looking up at the sky.

"It's nice out, do you wanna grab some lunch and eat it outside?"

Oh absolutely. Buck didn't think he'd ever turn down outdoor time ever again, he'd taken the freedom to just roam that he'd once had for granted.

"Yes please." 

Eddie smiled, and they got in the car. Drove to a supermarket to pick up some stuff, effectively making a mini picnic for themselves, and then they drove around looking for somewhere nice to share it.

Eventually they found a really nice spot by a large lake, walking down a small slope just off of a public footpath to nestle themselves between the trees and the water. 

Eddie pulled off his sweater and lay it on the ground, insisting that Buck sit on it, which he did if only because he didn't want to fight again.

Then the alpha pulled out the snacks they bought, passing him his sandwich and drink.

And Buck just stared at him for a long time, struggling to grasp that it was all real. That it wasn't all some lucid dream or something.

Because for the last five months, they'd been preparing him for anything, at the centre. Anything that the alpha he'd eventually be set up with could possibly throw at him.

He'd been prepared for constant chores, for beatings, for gang bangs, for orgasm denial, for overstimulation, for minimal sleep and food. He'd been trained on how best to bring pleasure, how to cry just enough to be sexy not bothersome, how to treat guests and what etiquette to show.

At no point over those five months had anyone told him to expect this. To expect to be treated like an equal, to be taken outside on nice days out, to be fed and not hurt or touched.

The idea of having an alpha had always terrified him even when he was an unpresented kid, after seeing how life was for Maddie, how her freedoms were stripped. The Rehabilitation Center had only cemented just how awful, how controlling it would be. At no point had he ever anticipated it to be anything like this.

After Eddie raised a brow at him, a small smile tugging at his face, Buck snapped himself out of the blatant staring and started eating his sandwich, trying not to think about how many carbs he'd consumed lately.

He observed the lake instead, feeling as settled as he had at the beach as he watched the water ripple, and felt the warm sun and gentle breeze overtake him.

He used to spend all day outside. He hated being inside even as a kid, it always felt suffocating, confining, and he hated that.

But for months, he'd seen nothing but walls. Felt nothing but hot musky air.

And he'd seen so many breathtaking places, so it was really ridiculous that he was so emotional over just sitting on a bit of grass and looking at some water.

After he'd finished eating, he pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, resting his chin on his knees as he spared a glance in Eddie's direction again, as the man opened the bag full of books and pulled one out.

He watched him flick through a few pages, before looking at Buck.

"Are you okay answering a couple of questions for me?" Eddie asked, and Buck nodded.

Eddie looked back down at the book. "Is there anyone else in your family who can't read?"

Of course it was about that. Buck almost rolled his eyes, really not wanting to deal with this when he was outside, feeling the fresh air.

He shook his head.

"My sister's really smart, she was gonna teach me but then she got married." Buck's hand drifted down to the ground to pull at the grass, twidling it between his fingers.

He remembered Maddie had been worried about him when he started school, tried to sit him down and help him but he'd always refused to listen properly, even when he wanted to focus he wouldn't and it would only end in frustration. Then Maddie left with Doug, as soon as she was legal, and no one else had bothered.

"When you were a kid did you struggle with speech, or learning nursery rhymes?"

"No."

In fact, he talked and blabbered too much, according to both of his parents and all of his teachers.

"Any trouble with rhyming or syllables?"

"Sylla-what?"

"Syllables, the sounds that make up a word. Sy-lla-bles."

"Oh yeah, I can do that," Buck replied, shoving down the feeling of condensation, and urge to do something stupid as a distraction. "What's this for?"

Eddie looked back down at the book, before sighing.

"I'm trying to figure out if you might have a learning difficulty, like dyslexia."

"I don't," he quickly shook his head.

He knew he didn't, despite the amount of times people had asked what was wrong with him or called him a not so nice word.

He was just lazy, just distracted, just didn't listen. It wasn't a brain problem, it was a him problem.

"How do you know, did your parents have you tested?"

Buck laughed bitterly at the thought of that. Sure, they cared enough to complain about it, out of sheer embarrassment, but to actually do something to help? Of course not, that would be ridiculous. Buck would be lucky just to get a dentist appointment when his teeth were hurting.

"No." 

Eddie must've picked up on his growing agitation, because his brown eyes turned critical for a moment, examining him, and then he closed the book and picked up one of the kiddie learning ones instead, as well as the notebook and pen.

"Okay, let's move on. I guess we should start with what letters look like and the sounds they make, so we'll go through it first and then see what ones you can remember to write down, okay?"

And Buck could have died right there and then, looking at the colourful pages with large bold print pushed in front of him.

Eddie insisted he wasn't stupid, but seriously, little four year olds could do this.

Which also meant he had no excuse not to try, he supposed, as he painfully accepted it.

The letters were big and bright in alphabetical order, with a word after each one as well as a small cartoon drawing to pair them with. And Eddie said each one, pointing, then looked at Buck waiting for him to repeat.

A is for apple, a-a-apple.

B is for ball, b-b-ball.

Buck dutifully repeated, even though it made him feel like curling up and hiding, especially when he noticed other people walking behind them on the footpath. In another life, when he hadn't been beaten down in to such a scared and weak little thing, he would've been tempted to snap at Eddie for the (albeit well meaning) condensation. Would've wanted to tell him to shove his a-apples up his a-ass.

But as it was, he bit down his pride and tried to remember how each letter looked, focusing solely on that since he already pretty much knew what sounds they made.

Still, the activity was to limited success. Since he quickly grew frustrated and consequently distracted when it came to trying to actually write them down from memory. He got as far as E, handwriting messy from his shaky hands, then his mind went blank. And, through burning teared up eyes, he watched Eddie open up the activity book again to go back through the alphabet.

Then again, he had to try write it out from memory. But he still got no further than E and the shame burnt hot in his belly as his tears smudged the page.

Eddie stared at him, and Buck tried to absolutely no success to hide the tears so as to instead play his stupidity off as a joke like he usually did.

He recoiled, when the alpha placed a hand on his knee. "You don't have to get upset about it, you're doing good."

Liar. Why was he always lying?!

Nothing about this was good. A kid could do better than him. Why was he so stupid? How hard could this possibly be? Everyone could do it, he was just difficult as per usual.

Blood filled his mouth from how harshly he bit at his lip, so as to subdue the hopeless sob that tried to rise.

He continued to stare at the page, but it felt impossible to think. What with the tears clouding his vision, the heat in his face, Eddie's eyes pinned on him, as well as all the other seemingly neutral distractions calling to take his attention away from what was upsetting him. To disassociate from it all and drift away in his mind, because he truly was pathetic.

He wiped at his face with one hand.

"I can't- I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry, can we do something else?"

This was important to Eddie, clearly otherwise he wouldn't have spent money and time on it. But Buck was useless, he couldn't do it anymore, it wasn't working.

"Sure," Eddie agreed, with an ease that caught Buck entirely off guard but he certainly wasn't going to question it. Eddie took the book and the notepad off of him, shoving them back in to the bag. Out of sight, out of mind. "Do you wanna walk around the lake then head back to the car?"

Oh absolutely.

Buck was hurrying up to his feet before he even thought to nod in reply, tripping over himself in his enthusiasm.

With killer reflexes, Eddie quickly lifted a hand to help steady him, smirking before moving to get up too.

While their hands were joint together, Buck used the grip to help the man to his feet, like Eddie had him so many times before. Giggling as he somehow had enough strength left in him to practically fling Eddie up.

The alpha stumbled at the unexpected force, clasping Buck's arm to still himself.

And that was how they stood for a long while. Their right hands holding one another, and Eddie grasping his arm.

And Buck couldn't tell if it was the green backdrop that was making Eddie's cheeks look so much rosier, and his eyes warm, or if he was just as flushed as Buck felt.

Eventually, Eddie let go of his arm so that they could walk. Only his arm. He guided him with his hand back up the slope and on to the footpath, and somehow neither thought to let go once they were there.

They circled the lake three times, spotting ducks and swans, petting the sweetest little dog that was on a walk, and Buck only got spooked once when a man ran past them, almost bumping his shoulder. Eddie tucked him closer to his side, and everything quickly felt okay again.

For some reason, Eddie got this melancholy look about him halfway through, as they looked at a couple on a little paddle boat out on the lake. 

And Buck hated it, would do anything to make it dissappear, and so without thinking he picked a pretty flower and coyly gave it in offering, half expecting it to be chucked to the ground and stomped on.

Instead his chest fluttered as Eddie's face went even redder (he was definitely flushing) as he accepted it, tucking it in to the pocket of his jeans so just its flowery little head was popping out.

Fuck.

Buck had more than learned his lesson not to get so stricken with people, especially not strange alphas, but Eddie was making it sort of impossible not to let him wiggle through his defenses.

His sister had always said he wore his heart on his sleeves.

Chapter Text

"Okay, and then what?" Eddie asked, standing with his hands up in mid air, covered in sticky butter and sugar up to his wrists.

Buck turned back to the book he had propped against the wall, trailing his finger down the page to where he remembered being up to.

Eddie had highlighted all of the key words for him, and he had a sheet with the alphabet next to it to go through and figure out which letter was which.

Buck looked at the next highlighted ingredient, and then he trailed his finger along each letter in the alphabet, mentally going through the song until he got to the first letter of the word he was deciphering.

"E, eh-" he said, double checking that it matched before beginning the process again with the second letter. "G, guh." He looked to Eddie, unsure if that was the right sound for the letter G, and Eddie nodded reassuringly, having been so patient and calm through out all of their study session that day. 

Reading had gone along a lot more smoothly this time round, Buck finding it easier to stay in focus when having something to do with his hands and a clear goal in mind.

"Eh-guh, eggs? Four eggs."

Buck was unreasonably happy with himself, bouncing on his feet in excitement at getting it right before moving over to the mixing bowl to help with cracking them.

Eddie muttered a curse when his egg cracked all over the counters from him hitting it too hard, shell making its way in to the bowl, and Buck quickly stepped in to help.

"If you use a bigger piece, it catches the little ones easier," he explained, as he dipped more egg shell in to the bowl, using it to scoop out the fragments. 

"You're amazing," Eddie said, far from his first genuine sounding compliment today (Buck would never admit it but the man really was a disaster in the kitchen, and therefore easy to impress), and Buck flushed, biting the inside of his cheek. He'd never been spoken to so kindly before.

He helped Eddie crack his second egg less abruptly this time, before doing his own two and going back to the book.

"Stir," he said after a moment's thought, recognising the word after seeing it so frequently by then, and Eddie followed his instructions with a nod.

"That's great," Buck said when the mixture looked about right, before again dissecting the next highlighted word.

"225g of–" he paused, "fuh luh, fuh luh oh, fluhoruh?"

That wasn't a word.

Buck bit back the embarrassment, the guilt of not doing better, when Eddie came over to look.

Stepped back, giving the man space, anticipating the belittling smile he was sure to get for failing at such an easy task.

Instead Eddie reached for an ingredient, holding it out to him.

"Does it look familiar?" He asked, finger pointing at the label on the ingredient.

And Buck quickly recognised what it was based on the packaging.

"Oh, flour," he said, accepting the small box. Held it in his hands, trailing over the word again, putting the sounds to each letter until he was pretty sure he had it figured it out. O and U must be some of those letters that made different sounds when put together, that Eddie had mentioned.

Eddie smiled, not belittling at all, but more... pleased? Proud even?

Buck would do anything to keep him looking like that, and his resolve to continue learning increased by tenfold.

They measured out the flour, and Eddie spilt most of it on the counters whilst dumping it in to the bowl, so Buck added a little more before mixing it all in, letting Eddie take over when it was pretty much dissolved.

"Okay, anything else?"

Almost done, by the looks of it.

"Le-lemo-lemon." He recognised the word from the title of the page, lemon drizzle cakes. "Lemon zest. Then it goes in the tin."

Eddie nodded and picked up the lemons they had ready on the side, holding two in his hand before an unsure look crossed his face. Obviously not knowing how to get lemon zest.

"You have to grate it," Buck explained, already reaching for the drawer that had the grater in.

He passed it over, and Eddie quickly began scraping the fruit up and down it, movements short and abrupt which was sure to make grating a long task, but Buck was content to let him go at it until the man's knuckles scraped over the sharp edges.

Eddie hissed, dropping the lemon as blood pooled on his skin.

And Buck quickly stepped over, alarmed, both out of concern and a bone deep worry that maybe Eddie being in pain would be what would finally make him lash out.

"Oh, are you okay?"

"Yeah, the juice stung is all," he said, going over to the sink to rinse his hand off. 

And Buck stood there, watching him. Unreasonably disconcerted, by the reaction. He'd always had an inside joke with himself about how alphas- despite insisting on being stronger- were always such babies when experiencing even the slightest of pain.

But Eddie didn't fuss at all, and it made Buck's body go all hot, palms sweaty.

"Well, at least you added some protein," Buck gave a little laugh, grimacing internally as soon as the noise left his mouth, all squeaky and weird sounding.

Eddie blinked at him, lips pursed, and Buck's face was so hot.

It was a dumb attempt at a joke. He was dumb.

But Eddie laughed anyway, and Buck felt himself light up at making that happen. 

The blood soon stopped pooling on Eddie's skin beneath the spray of water, and Buck took over with the grating.

"You need to do it smoothly, like this," he made deep glides downwards. "See?"

Eddie nodded, watching him grate the first one in a much more efficient time, before taking over for the second.

"This better be good, my blood, sweat and tears literally went into making it," Eddie said as he copied what Buck had done relatively well, and while it wasn't exactly funny, just like his own joke, Buck still laughed and genuinely meant it because he was just so happy.

He hadn't been safe enough to mess around with an alpha since Peru, maybe, and even then it had been a fine line between having a fun time and pissing his friends off. 

And while he'd been safe (?) with Abbie, she easily got upset with him being too immature and silly, so it had always felt like such a performance.

He was maybe definitely getting ahead of himself, he'd only been with Eddie for eight days, and it would most definitely end in heartbreak when he inevitably showed his ugly side, but Buck was grasping to the idea of it all really being this good forever like a lifeline.

In went the lemon zest, and then Buck poured the batter in to the cake tin.

"Forty five minutes," he said, and Eddie set a timer. 

"Okay, should we tidy up? And then we can set up your phone while we wait."

Oh yeah, his phone. Buck had been trying not to think about the fact that Eddie had spent money on a phone for him, and had been semi successful in forgetting throughout their baking session. 

But at the reminder, his legs began to feel weak again, wanting to cave under him so that he could kneel and thank Eddie properly, but he held himself steady.

He'd already tried that today, but as usual Eddie had squirmed away like Buck had an infectious disease.

"Okay, Eddie," he nodded, shaky hands grasping on to the kitchen counter for support as he began to wipe down the spillages. 

It didn't take long. They only needed lemon juice and sugar left out for the topping, and soon everything else was put away and they cleaned their hands to sit down and look at his phone. 

His.

Nothing had been his in a long time, but Eddie had given him clothes and now this.

A good part of him was waiting for it all to be weaponised, to be taken away from him. Was scared, because things were so good which would make the fallout so much more painful.

"Have you had a phone before?" Eddie asked, and Buck nodded, hands fidgeting with one another beneath the kitchen table.

Yeah, he had. It had been confiscated when he got to the Heat House, along with all of his clothes, and now probably sat at the bottom of a pile of ash.

Buck wondered if Abbie had ever reached out to him like she said she would. 

He was supposed to go back to her house after his Heat finished, and wait for her to return. Surely after so long she must've looked for him?

Must've at least wondered what happened?

Why hadn't she gotten him out?

"How did you use it? Since, you know..."

You can't read.

"My sister set it up to tell me what I was pressing," he shrugged, and mentally congratulated himself for mentioning Maddie without his voice wobbling. "And I put photos on important people's numbers. But mostly I just asked Bixby to text people, I didn't really use it for much else."

It wasn't like he had many people to talk to, once his sister stopped answering him. 

The only people he talked to, really, were his bosses at the few jobs he picked up, and when his friends invited him over for something- usually sex.

And Abbie, who only liked to talk on calls, which made things easier.

"Bixby?" Eddie appeared confused.

"Yeah, you know the voice assistant thing? It's Siri on iPhones."

And that didn't seem to be of much help. Eddie just blinked at him, blankly, before clearing his throat and moving on.

"Okay, we can figure that out. Let's see..." he held the phone, staring at it and scrolling through the predownloaded apps aimlessly.

Did he... not know how to change things on a phone?

"It'll be on settings. Accessibility maybe? I think it was meant for blind people," Buck provided, resisting the urge to take the phone off of him to do it himself.

It took a while, Eddie scowering through settings and seemingly reading every word even though Buck was sure it couldn't be that difficult to find, but they got there eventually.

"Oh, here it is."

He enabled it, and his phone immediately started talking, narrating the screen. Eddie frowned when he tried to go to contacts but it wouldn't open, merely repeated the name of the app.

"Sorry, it's annoying," Buck winced, remembering why he mostly used Bixby, now. "You have to double tap everything."

Eddie nodded, and gave perhaps the slowest double tap possible.

Buck almost laughed, but instead bit the inside of his cheek before reaching over and double tapping on to contacts.

Eddie put his phone number in, and asked if he wanted anyone else.

Buck had no one else, so that was an easy no.

Then Eddie gave him the phone to set up voice recognition, and once done he gave it a few commands just to show Eddie what it was since he'd seemed unsure.

And he didn't know whether to laugh or be concerned at the panic that brewed in Eddie's eyes when it responded to his voice.

"So it listens to you?" He asked, mouth pursed and eyes wide.

"Yeah, but only when you say its name," Buck soothed, to not avail.

"How do you know that though? What if it's listening all the time?" Eddie's face dropped, as he fumbled for his oen phone. "Is my phone listening?"

Okay, he really couldn't help but laugh at least a little.

His alpha was so, so weird.

"I'm gonna guess you didn't set it up, so... no."

Eddie luckily moved on then, albeit warily, and Buck made a note not to use Bixby unless his alpha was in a good mood.

"Did you want a picture of me?" Eddie asked next, appearing eager. "So I'm easier to find on there."

Given Eddie was his only contact, amd probably would be for a long time, that wasn't necessary. But Buck certainly wasn't going to object.

"Sure," he opened the camera, but Eddie held his hands up to block it when he picked it up.

"No hang on, we're in the wrong light."

Wrong light?

Seriously?

"You don't need lighting to look good, Eddie."

Buck didn't know what he'd been thinking when he said that.

It was supposed to teasing, because he couldn't believe such a big strong alpha liked Eddie cared about something so superficial as lighting.

Most of it was disbelief that someone so beautiful thought such a thing could in anyway impact him.

Eddie paused, looking at him for a moment, ans Buck wanted the chair he was sitting on to swallow him whole when he grinned.

"It'll make me look soft, we need a warm sidelight," he said, before getting up, and Buck followed. He opened the kitchen door and stepped outside, turning so that his back was to the bushes and crossing his arms over his chest, muscles appearing even bigger with the stance. "How's this?"

"Really good," Buck nodded, again feeling a little gooey and shaky especially when Eddie smiled so nonchalantly for the camera.

Oh god. Buck really was such a slut, how had he not had enough yet?

"Not bad," Eddie said when he looked at the quick picture he'd taken, and Buck brightened at the simple compliment.

"You want mine?" He offered, immediately grimacing afterwards. "I forgot, you won't need it..."

Nor would he want it. Buck had lost so much of his muscles, he was all thin and pale and unattractive, hair no doubt frizzy after their baking session, and he had never possessed Eddie's cool quality.

"No, come on, it's only fair," Eddie said anyway, gently taking hold of Buck's shoulders and guiding him to where he needed to be.

He didn't know what to do with his hands, stood awkwardly square with his feet shoulder width apart, face definitely pink.

"Smile," Eddie said, and Buck put on a toothy grin, eyes squinting at the motion.

Eddie insisted on taking photos from every single angle, and Buck stood there stiffly the entire time.

"Perfect," Eddie said once done, and Buck searched and searched for the sign that he was lying, or mocking him, but couldn't find it.

He didn't want to see the photos, he knew he wouldn't like them.

But Eddie seemed happy enough.

And Buck was happy if Eddie was happy.

The lemon cakes were done soon after, and okce cooled Buck smothered on the mixture of lemon and sugar to the top, making it all crisp.

They were perfect, and Eddie was excited to try make something else.

Buck couldn't believe it, but he was too, even if it involved having to read.

~~~~~

Buck's stomach was twisting, turning– unsettled. 

He fought against squirming in his seat, as after a silent near forty minute drive they approached a house, Eddie's car slowing down in to an obvious stop in its drive way.

His fingers messed with his seatbelt, jittery with nerves and ready to get out, to move and expell some of the excess energy, but he stopped when Eddie remained seated, staring ahead with a furrowed expression.

"What's wrong, Eddie?" Buck asked after a moment of watching him, questions and worries going in to overdrive at the sight. 

Eddie looked to him, the expression falling in to an easy smile. 

"Nothing, I just... think that's my Captain's car," he gestured with his head to the vehicle parked in front of them.

And Buck felt his stomach drop even more, not at all comforted by the explanation. In fact, it had the opposite effect.

It was nerve wracking enough going to Athena's house in search of help, Buck not knowing if he was really welcome there. But to have his alpha's boss there too... another alpha, if he was remembering correctly, one even bigger and maybe stronger than Eddie...

"Oh," he said, wondering if it'd be pathetic to ask if they could come back later when there would only be one new person he had to worry about apppeasing.

Buck hoped that he could trust Eddie enough to not dump him in a bad situation, but it certainly wouldn't be the first time that someone he'd trusted had done so.

(That was how he ended up in the Heat House, after all. But, in all fairness, he didn't think that Abbie knew what she'd been signing him up for. And even if she had, she hadn't been planning on leaving him for so long).

(Buck didn't have any way of justifying his older school 'friends' inviting him over to their house for a sleepover, just to have a night with no parental supervision and take his virginity).

"They're dating. That's how I know Athena," Eddie explained, as if that was somehow of any reassurance.

It wasn't.

Not only were they were probably interrupting something, but also... two alphas? Dating?

Okay, Buck was a firm believer that love was love and he would absolutely let that be known to anyone who dared to suggest otherwise, but the idea of an alpha and alpha relationship sort of unnerved him.

Because were omegas just not good enough for them? Did they hate them that much they weren't even useful around the house and in bed?

That, and, okay the spiteful part of him was more than a little annoyed that they got to be together just fine but when he dated an omega they had stuff hurled at them, and were told that their stupid little bodies needed knots.

"Do they know we're coming?" Buck asked, despite having already asked a similar question multiple times throughout the drive there.

"Athena gave an open invitation," Eddie shrugged, the same response as the last time Buck had asked. And then he took off his seatbelt, and Buck tensed when he reached for the door handle. Eddie must've noticed, because he stopped, turning to face him. "We're fine."

Buck tried to believe him, as he begrudgingly followed Eddie out of the car and to the front door.

When arriving at the Heat House, he'd smelt the danger from a mile away, but had stomached it so as to assuage his girlfriend.

At his school friend's house, he'd been too excited about his first sleepover to pick up on how weird they were being, until he was led straight up to the bedroom and dared to strip.

(It hadn't taken much goading, he'd been desperate for friends and, clearly, a slut from the ripe age of thirteen).

Every instance after that when he walked in to something dangerous, he'd pushed through it even to his own detriment, pretending that everything was okay until it wasn't out of pure refusal to cry and hide.

Now he had to do the same.

On the chance that they were really there just to get help in looking for his baby, Buck would walk in to a stranger's house filled with unpredictable alphas any day.

Eddie pressed the doorbell, and Buck hovered close behind him, resisiting the urge to press in to the man's side.

It took a while to be answered, and with each passing second Buck's feeling of being out of place increased until he was almost ready to suggest that they leave.

Then the door opened, and Buck struggled to recognise Athena as the officer he'd spoken to all those months ago.

She had her arms wrapped around herself, holding a robe close to her chest, and her hair was all frazzled like she'd had hands messing with it.

Buck immediately diverted his gaze, quickly understanding what was going on based on the undertone scent of arousal that he'd become very attuned to picking up on.

"Oh," she said, appearing surprised to see them and readjusting her robe. Then the surprise fell, as she slipped in to a well practiced smile.

"Oh, Diaz, you're here," she announced a little loudly, obviously letting someone else know about their company. Then she looked at him, and Buck kept his eyes down low. "And Buck, so nice to see you sweetheart, come on in."

She held the door open, and Eddie placed a hand on his shoulder to gently nudge him forwards.

Buck's knees felt a little weak as he entered the home, the front door opening onto a stairway overlooking the living space. He sucked in a breath, trying to pick up on any cues of something being wrong, but was unable to find any.

It was just that, a home. No ropes, no chains, no massive group there to jump him. No feeling of hate, or disgust, or lust lingering in the air.

Calm, peaceful.

Just Athena, and Eddie's Captain who very quickly let himself be known, looking about as disrguntled as the woman did and tugging at his mussed up shirt.

"We're not interrupting anything, are we, Cap?" Eddie asked, and Buck smiled a little at the coy look on his alpha's face.

"Eddie," the man greeted in return, appearing mildly embarrassed by the question. "Buck."

Athena walked past them, down the stairs to– Bobby was it? Yes, that was it.

She linked arms with him, smiling.

"No, nothing. We just... I was distracted, and you two coming over must've slipped my mind."

"Right," Eddie drolled, before sniffing out a laugh and gently guiding Buck down the stairs with a hand still on his back.

Buck's eyes flickered sound the space, searchingly, as they moved.

"Make yourselves comfortable, do you want anything to drink?" 

"I'm good. Buck?" Eddie gave his shoulder a pat, squeezing it for a moment before letting go to sit down.

"No thank you, Miss Sergeant Grant."

"Athena's fine," she said, and Buck nodded obligingly, still avoiding her gaze as he kneeled by Eddie's feet. "Buck, make yourself comfortable. Hard wood is hardly comfy."

Oh.

His face heated in embarrassment, as he slowly rose back up.

"Buck," Eddie called, patting the couch cushion next to him, and with both of their permissions he squished himself right up against his alpha, as close as possible without sitting on his lap.

"Thank you, Miss- Athena."

Was it a west coast thing? Everyone wanting him to address them by their first names, not titles?

He began to pick at the hem of Eddie's jeans, trying to soothe himself by engaging in something.

Everyone was quiet, for a few awkward moments. And then the woman placed a kiss to Eddie's Captain's cheek, before pulling away from him. "I'm just going to put some clothes on. I'll be right back."

And they watched her walk away, down a hall and in to a room.

The door shut behind her, and they were thrown in to silence again.

"Hey, Cap," Eddie eventually repeated, a sly grin on his face.

And Bobby (?) let out a sigh, but he had a little smile on his face too as he sat down opposite them, leaning forwards in his seat with clasped hands.

"I'll be hearing about this tomorrow, won't I?"

"No, no. Your private life is your business," Eddie said, shaking his head, before adding "just like mine is mine."

And there was something there, in that final part. A hidden message, maybe. 

"Right," the man seemed to understand what Eddie was saying, giving a little nod in acknowledgment. Then he turned to look at Buck, much to his distress.

He squirmed on the seat. "So Buck, I hope Eddie's been treating you well?"

"Yes, sir. Very. My Master's very..." he trailed off, trying to think of a compliment that couldn't in anyway backfire on him. Kind had been the first word that came to mind, but most alphas he knew viewed kindness as weakness, and so would hate to be called that. He didn't want to embarrass Eddie, especially not in front of his boss. "Generous," he settled on. Also true.

"You don't usually call me that," Eddie let out a soft laugh, a little awkward sounding, and Buck winced.

Right, Eddie didn't like to be called Master, but Buck hadn't wanted to appear untrained in front of important people.

"Sorry, Eddie," he relented, eyes glued to his lap, not wanting to see the judgment that was probably brewing in the new alpha's gaze. "Eddie's very generous. But he also makes sure I'm being good. I'm trying my very best for Eddie."

He was fucking things up, as usual. Couldn't get his words out properly, stumbling over them like an idiot.

"And I hope you're returning the favour?"

Buck frowned at the question, not understanding it. 

"Of course, Cap," Eddie answered, before letting out a sharp breath that sounded very heavy. "I'm trying."

Trying? Eddie was being the best alpha he'd ever met, too good to be true really. 

But why did Bobby want to know that? Why did he care?

"Good," the man said, before returning his eyes to Buck. "Eddie's a good man. I know it'll probably be hard to trust him, given your... history. But for what it's worth, I can assure you that you're in safe hands."

And that was oddly reassuring to hear from someone else, even though it really shouldn't be.

He didn't know this man, didn't know his temperament or preferences, why should he trust his word? He didn't even know what he perceived as a 'good man'.

But something about him was very calming. 

Almost beta like, even though it was clear he was not oner. He was very... Buck didn't want to say soft, but maybe assured and collected were the right words?

Whatever it was, Buck trusted Bobby's intentions.

"Yes, sir," he nodded, sparing a quick glance upwards at the man. 

He had very open eyes, so genuine. Not leering, or smug, or lustful. Kind.

"Bobby," he corrected, as simply as Eddie had.

It had to be a west coast thing. He'd never met so many alphas who wanted to be on a first name basis so soon. Though, saying that, Bobby's accent didn't sound very west coast. It sounded closer to home, definitely midwestern. And Buck hadn't had much luck with people whilst travelling the midwest, especially in small towns, but northern midwesterners were often nicer. 

"Yes, Bobby," he agreed, fingers reflexively digging in to Eddie's leg as he worried over saying the name out loud, like the permission could be taken back.

But of course, nothing bad happened. 

Eddie hadn't been lying when he promised they were fine. 

Athena came back soon after, now in proper clothes, and Bobby stood up, smiling at her.

A dizzying amount of affection in his eyes.

"I should probably leave you all to it," he said, placing a hand on Athena's lower back to pull her in for a short kiss.

"Goodbye, Buck. Make sure this one's taking good care of you," he then added, gesturing over at Eddie, and Buck's eyes widened in surprise.

"Bye, Capt- um, Mister, Bobby, sir," he stumbled, giving a small embarrassed wave, completely flustered by the unexpected order.

"Eddie, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Right, yeah," Eddie nodded.

Oh right.

He had work tomorrow.

Buck really hoped that he hadn't accidentally messed anything up for him. What if Bobby was waiting to say something about how terrible he was to Eddie at work? What if he'd embarrassed him?

"And you know, you're always welcome to tag along to the station, if that's something either of you want. Just let me know in advance, and you could come for dinner."

"Oh, I don't think we're ready for that, right?" Eddie was quick to say, looking to Buck for confirmation.

And Buck just blinked, trying to determine if his alpha was ashamed of him. That must be why he didn't want him to come to work, it made sense. Buck didn't begrudge him one bit for that, he was a mess and would surely humiliate him.

"Okay, Eddie," he agreed, not even considering whether he himself would be ready for something like that. Taken to a house full of big strong firefighters? Yeah, definitely for the best that Eddie kept him home.

Bobby nodded in understanding, and then Athena walked him to the door.

Once they exchanged goodbyes, she took Bobby's vacated spot opposite them and pulled out her laptop.

"So, Buck," she started, far more professional and put together, like he remembered her being, now that she was dressed. "Did you sign anything in regards to your baby?"

"No, ma'am," he shook his head, instantly straightening at the mention of what they were actually here for.

"So you didn't sign away any of your parental rights?"

Despite the pressure to give his baby up throughout his pregnancy and birth? No. Never.

"No, I wouldn't do that. Why?" 

Did someone say that he had? 

Athena hummed, typing on her laptop. "Your baby won't have been put up for adoption, then. The likelihood is that they tried to place him with a relative of yours, and if that was to no success then he would have been put in a foster home."

Foster home.

Buck already knew that would be the case, if his baby was alive, but he hadn't really reflected much on the idea until then, so sure that he was dead and avoiding any and all thought about it.

Strangers were in charge of looking after his baby.

"I don't- I don't have any relatives who'd take him," he admitted, beginning to pick at the skin on his cuticles.

And Eddie took his hand before he could cause himself any harm, squeezing it, which was nice.

Athena quirked a brow. "No parents?"

"None that would care," he said with a breathy attempt at a laugh. It was a good thing, really. He wouldn't have coped well at all if there was even the slightest chance that his parents had taken responsibility for his kid. That they were raising him right now, in the exact same suffocating house that Buck had been raised in.

"What about your sister, Maddie was it?"

HIs chest tightened, and he closed his eyes. Eddie's hand squeezed again, a motion that Buck perceived as a silent are you okay, which the answer for was absolutely not.

He belatedly squeezed back, and let his alpha take that response however he deemed fit, before opening his eyes. 

"No," he said, so certain of the fact that he didn't need to think. It wasn't a possibility. Couldn't be. "She's... she's back with her alpha, and he wouldn't want that."

His heart raced a little, even though he was so certain, just at the idea. 

He trusted Maddie with his life, and she would make an absolutely amazing aunt to his baby, she'd practically raised him after all. 

But Doug being in even the same state with his baby, much less the same house, was far too much to unpack right there and then.

"Okay," she said, not pushing further even though it was clear she was curious. "Well, Buck. If your baby is in foster care, you can get him back through the courts. And given you've completed a rehabilitation programme, and now live somewhere with a reliable income, I'd say you have a pretty good case for it so long as you keep out of trouble."

Keep out of trouble. 

Like he'd even had a chance to begin with. 

His jaw tightened in frustration, having so much to say but no room to say it when he was being provided with help. Getting his baby back was far more important than defending himself.

So instead, he focused on the first part of what she said.

"Really? So you're sure he's actually... alive, right?" He needed to hear it. Eddie had sounded pretty sure, but hearing it from someone like Athena would be...

"I've seen nothing that suggests otherwise," she said, and Buck sighed in a physical relief, turning to smile giddily at Eddie, who returned the sentiment.

Athena picked up her phone then, and began to dial in a number. "I'm going to refer you to a case worker, they'll be able to give us more information and help with the best route to getting custody, if you're sure that's what you want."

"Of course it is," he was so quick to say, almost offended over being asked such a thing.

But then he paused, realising with a sickening twist of his stomach that his desires weren't the only ones that mattered. Getting his baby back relied on having somewhere to live, and money, both of which Buck was relient on Eddie for.

Eddie, who despite taking him here to help, surely didn't want another man's child leeching off of him?

He must have been planning on Buck going somewhere else, right?

"Eddie, you're... you're okay with this?" He asked, glancing warily at the man, shoulders tense.

And Eddie paused. It was brief, but Buck noticed it anyway, the hesitation, and it made him lightheaded. "That doesn't matter, it's your child," Eddie said.

And yeah, that was what Buck wanted to hear, but it wasn't what he needed.

He needed to know that he wasn't getting his baby back just to end up either homeless, or bring him in to a house where he wasn't wanted. 

But Buck was selfish. He wanted his baby, and he was willing to risk it all to get him.

If they ended up on the streets, he'd figure things out. He always did, and for his son he'd do no different.

At Eddie's verbal agreement, Athena hit call, bringing her phone up to her ear. As it rang, she eyed them both critically, and Buck was pretty sure she could read him inside and out with that look. 

He shifted uncomfortably, still holding hands with Eddie, and his eyes quickly drew back up the moment Athena began to speak.

"Hello, this is Sergeant Grant, 727-L30. I'd like to be referred over to the social worker of an infant male who was removed from parental custody a few months ago... What date was he born?" She asked, looking expectantly over at him.

Him, of course, because he was the parent and he knew those things.

"May the fourteenth." His heart skipped a beat, as he remembered that day.

May. 

His little spring baby.

Such a beautiful sounding day.

"Born prematurely on May the fourteenth, to Evan Buckley," she concluded, and Buck tried to listen in to what was being said, straining his ears, but failed. "Yes, I'll hold."

"What are they saying?" Buck asked, growing increasingly jittery very quickly, eager for news after going without any for so long.

"Nothing yet, they're transferring me to your baby's social worker. They should be able to give me more information on him," she explained, and Buck didn't know what to do with himself as they waited, seconds feeling like minutes.

His baby's social worker. Someone who knew where and how he was. Someone who knew him.

Answers, he was finally getting them after being kept in the dark for so long, left to imagine the worst.

He startled, when Athena straightened up the moment her call was reconnected.

"Hello, this is Sergeant Grant. Who am I speaking with?... Coleman, hello. I'm interested in a case of yours, I have the parent here with me who wants to begin the process of reunification, but first we'd like to know what you can share about the baby's case details... Yes, that's the one... Yes. Yes, that would be perfect. Thank you."

She lowered her phone, attention returning to her still open laptop.

"He's emailing me an overview of your baby's case, and then we can arrange the next steps in getting visitations and, hopefully, custody back," she explained, and Buck could scream from the overwhelming elation he felt at her words.

"You think they'll let me?" He asked, wide eyed and desperate to just be given the benefit of the doubt just this once.

Athena's gaze narrowed, scrutinising him, and Buck tensed under it but didn't allow the hope to wain for even a second.

His baby was out there, he would get him back no matter what, and would accept nothing else.

"I don't see why not, as long as you keep your nose clean," she said. "Getting custody back will be difficult, it always is, but so long as you're willing to work hard at being a good fit..."

"Anything," Buck said, meaning it with his whole heart. He'd do anything. He'd be the perfect omega, bend over backwards, sell his soul and what was left of his sense of self to be what he needed to be. To play the perfect part, be the perfect parent.

He just wanted his baby. It was so inexplicable, the pull he felt, like missing a limb. Like his heart was out there, calling to him, and he couldn't reach it, couldn't think or breathe or live until it was returned.

Athena opened an email, and turned her laptop around on her lap, before passing it over to Buck.

"Some things will be ommitted, but this is what you can know." 

Buck quickly started to panic at the jumble of letters in front of him, eyes burning with tears at being unable to process what must surely be work changing information on his son. Trying so desperately to make sense of it, and ultimately failing.

He was a failure.

But Eddie let go of his hand to instead wrap it around his shoulders, so as to have more room to get impossibly closer to him, and read the screen.

Buck tensed for just a moment under the new touch, before melting in to the man's side in relief, resisting the urge to rest his head on Eddie's shoulder.

"Christopher," Eddie said after a moment, tilting his head to smile at him, his eyes creased at the corners. So soft and warm, it made his stomach flutter. "That's your baby's name."

"Oh," Buck shuddered, lost for words. Christopher. A name. His baby's name.

It was like a confirmation that he was really real, really out there. A tiny human, that he'd created. Christopher.

Buck's eyes were still stinging, Eddie's face turning all blurry through the sheen of tears, as he let out a wet laugh. "But he's so little, and that's such a long name."

Eddie laughed too, the arm around his shoulder wrapping tighter, hugging him.

Buck hadn't really had the chance to stop and consider what baby names he liked, so sure they'd both die in that hell house. And then afterwards he'd been too scared, almost like it would be testing fate to dare make plans for their lives after birth.

Christopher maybe wouldn't have been his first choice, but it certainly wasn't bad.

It was strong, a classic but not too common, and had a nice sound to it.

It was just difficult to connect such a name to the tiny underdeveloped person he'd pushed out, but he supposed it made sense.

Christopher, strong and enduring, just like his baby must be to have survived what he had. 

"Born May 14th, 2018, at 25 weeks gestation. Parent is... unfit for custody. Grandparents rejected custody."

It was dumb how bitter that confirmation made him, even though it was entirely expected. But he wasn't given the chance to ponder over the fact that his parents knew about the mess he'd gotten himself in to, and left their innocent grandchild to fend for himself, because what Eddie next added made his blood freeze in his veins.

"It looks like he was in your sister and her partner's care for a little while?"

"What?"

No. That couldn't be right.

He followed Eddie's finger as he pointed at the screen, desperately trying to grasp what it was saying.

He went cold all over, bumps rising over his skin.

"For eleven days, D. Kendall was in charge of Christopher's care. Then he and your sister disappeared and stopped answering calls, so he was placed in to foster care."

Doug. Doug had been in charge of his son for eleven days. His helpless newborn baby, in the hands of that monster.

Buck's worry for his sister's wellbeing was vastly overshadowed by the utter terror that thought gave him, of his child no being used as some sort of psychological weapon.

Of his baby being hurt, then left abandoned when deemed useless.

Because what the hell could Doug have possibly wanted with his son to agree to that? And why did he change his mind? 

Had Maddie changed it? Had Maddie abandoned his child, in a bid to spare him from going home to that place? Home to Pennsylvania, with a man like Doug in charge?

Buck didn't know whether to be grateful, or...

No, definitely grateful. He was certain Maddie did what she had to, even if it sucked.

As much as he would have liked to know that Chris was safe with his sister, he was painfully aware that that wouldn't have been the case. Because Maddie wasn't safe.

Athena and Eddie were both staring at him, he was aware. Athena with the narrowed eye look, like she could see inside his mind, and Eddie wirh a furrowed expression of worry.

Buck wanted to scream, to cry, to do so many things, too much to actually process so instead he just stared blankly ahead, trying not to think of his son screaming in his brother in law's arms. Not to picture Maddie, and the awful situation she must have been in.

"He was in hospital for three months and fourteen days, then released and placed in to a group home where he's been for the last two months," Eddie added after a moment, and Buck let go go his hand.

Instead, he brought both of his own hands up to his eyes, shaking, as he pressed his palms in to them.

Iron filled his mouth, as he bit in to the side of his mouth too hard.

"So... he's all alone? They didn't find a family for him?"

It would have hurt, but Buck would have been grateful to know that his baby was being looked after by a family, while he waited to get him back. But a group home...

Three and a half months his baby had been fighting to survive in hospital, all by himself.

Two months, he had been in a group home, cared for by people just doing a job, with who knew how many other kids to divide the attention with.

"I thought babies were easy to home," he said, looking at Athena.

And she didn't respond for a long moment, clearly weighing out her words.

"It can be difficult to find families for children who need additional care," she eventually replied, and Buck recoiled. 

Difficult. 

His five month old was too difficult?!

"Where's the group home?" he asked, cooly, collectedly, even though he was feeling anything but. 

He was feeling angry, pissed off that his kid had been stolen from him for no good reason, just to be dumped in a place that couldn't possibly care about him even a fraction of how much Buck did.

"It doesn't say."

Buck stood up, and Eddie grabbed his hand. He reared back from the touch, face flushed and wet from tears that he barely registered falling.

"I need to see him, he's all alone. And he's- he needs help. He was in hospital all that time, alone, he needs me."

His baby didn't have anybody.

His son was experiencing that same agonising loneliness, that same lack of care, that Buck had, that he had sworn his children never would feel, and he couldn't let it go on. Not for one more second.

Christopher was out there right now. 

Was he crying? Was he alone in his crib, forgotten about? Was he hurting, or hungry?

Buck had never once held him. 

His son had never been cradled and doted on the way that he should be. Had he even felt a loving touch in his short life? Or merely detached professionalism?

"We can look at getting visitations after we prove that you aren't of any threat."

"A threat?!" he snapped, making an abrupt move towards the woman, hands clenched tight in to fists as his arms wrapped around himself. 

And Eddie quickly stood took, placing a hand on his chest as Athena quirked a brow, unimpressed.

"Buck, sit down," Eddie ordered, and it was said calmly but the warning was certainly there. 

Buck's chest heaved, a mixture of frustration with a growing fear building inside of him, fighting for first place in his mind. 

Eventually, the fear won. The lesson to submit having been beaten in to him again and again in such excruciating manners, and he sat.

But he did not relent, because Christopher not being in his arms already was more painful than anything they could do to him.

"If my son's too 'difficult' to find a home for, that's fine. Because I want him. I'll take him right now, he should've been with me anyway and none of this would've happened."

He hadn't even done anything wrong, until after they'd already made the decision to take him away. 

He'd only lashed out because they were stealing his baby, it wasn't fair.

He would have figured the housing situation out, he would have found money, he would have kept out of trouble. 

He would have dedicated everything in to being a good parent, but no. Instead, Chris got to spend the start of his life alone, and Buck was conditioned in to another person for months. 

"Going there against authority would be the worst thing you can do. You need to play along, even if it's unfair, if you want to get your baby back as quickly as possible," Athena said.

And Buck knew she was right. 

It wouldn't be a good start to run away with Chris, he'd tried that already and that was how they ended up here.

That didn't mean he liked it one bit, however.

"Now, what's listed on Christopher's case plan? It should say what criterias need to be met to get custody."

Eddie looked back to the email, biting his lip. "Secure housing and income, you've got that now." 

Provided Eddie continue to let him stay, that was.

"They'll want to see that's a permanent change, it may take a few more weeks to be validated," Athena interrupted, not letting him have just that one thing, and Buck didn't know whether to be grateful she was being painfully realistic about the situation, or annoyed.

"Complete a counselling, and/or a rehabilitation programme, show significant improvement of mental stability..."

"Done it," Buck said, silently pondering over the fact that at least one good thing had come from that fuck ass programme.

Eddie looked at him, a little disbelievingly, and he was aware that he was questioning the last part. Mental stability. 

But Buck didn't care. If people truly cared about his mental wellbeing, they wouldn't have taken his baby and locked him away a mere month after he escaped that place.

According to his trainers at the rehabilitation facility, he was of an acceptable state for an omega to be in.

"Attending therapy to show ongoing progress would be beneficial as well," Athena said, clearly also sharing Eddie's doubts, and Buck recoiled at the suggestion.

"Bobby suggested some departmental therapists for us last shift, we can look at arranging some sessions with them later if you want?" Eddie added, hesitantly.

And Buck really didn't know what to make of that offer. 

A therapist?

Buck wasn't going to pretend that he wasn't fucked in the head, he most definitely was after everything but he usually was capable of pushing it down. 

So, the idea of unpacking it all, of opening himself to a stranger no less was terrifying.

"It'll help?" he asked quietly, his knee beginning to bounce as he clasped his hands and brought them up to his head.

"It would," Athena replied, so sure of herself.

And if it helped, then Buck would do it.

Anything, he'd said. 

Even if it was scary and uncomfortable.

"Okay," he nodded, wiping one of his hands over his face, rubbing away the residue tears. He sucked in a deep breath, straightening up. He had to be strong. "What else?"

"It just suggests gathering references, and showing a continued willingness to improve."

Okay. That wasn't so bad. 

All he had to do was be useful enough to not be kicked out, appear stable to a therapist, and get some people to say he would make a decent parent.

The last part would be the hardest, but he had ways of persuading people.

"Take up therapy, maybe a few parenting classes, keep all documentations showing that you're participating. And I really think you'll be well on your way to getting custody," Athena concluded, and Buck's heart skipped a beat. Athena didn't seem like the type of person to be wrong all that often, nor to sugarcoat. So her talking like him getting custody was a likely event filled him with hope.

She picked up a pen and paper, and began to wrote something down before he had the chance to respond.

"Here's the contact information for your case worker, let them know what progress you've made and ask when they think it would be best to have a review hearing. I'm happy to give character references for you," she said, as he accepted the paper in shaky fingers.

"Really?" he asked, eyes going wide in surprise again. Why would she do that? They didn't really know each other, and Buck had snapped at her.

She had to be angry. Just hiding it well.

An omega speaking to her like that in her own home.

His stomach twisted, as he wondered if she was planning on saying he was unfit for custody.

"Of course. Eddie is Bobby's family, which makes you his family too."

Family?

Buck looked at Eddie, and saw the same surprise reflected on his face, like he'd never been referred to as such a thing before.

Huh.

"And we look after family," she concluded, and it certainly sounded genuine, but Buck struggled to believe it. 

Family didn't work like that. His family was Maddie and his baby, but they'd both been taken from him. 

And maybe Eddie was close with the people he worked with, but that certainly didn't mean they had to care about Buck.

Eddie's care was already more than he was owed. The care of a community of people he'd met once would be insane.

It didn't make sense.

But he didn't have the chance to question her, to figure out her intentions, because he was soon twisting around on the couch to look at the front door as it opened, heart pounding in a sudden flash of fear.

His hand reached out and grabbed Eddie's, squeezing so tightly the man hissed, as thoughts of what he'd been preparing for when they first arrived pummelling in full force. 

"We're home!" Called a voice, and two kids stepped in with bags slung over their shoulders. 

A teenage girl and a boy, both pausing at the top of the stairs when they noticed them, halfway through knocking off their shoes.

Buck and the girl instinctively locked eyes, freezing. 

Warm sweet vanilla, with the freshness of someone not long ago presented. 

Familiar, comforting, just as it always was when meeting another like him, invisible strings drawing them together. 

Another omega.

Athena stood and approached the stairs, and Buck wobbled up to his feet too, his eyes flickering between the woman and the girl with a wariness brought forth by experience, as the kids came down. 

The alpha wrapped her arms around the girl and the boy. 

Buck tensed, highly tuned in on the young omega, his emotions having already been all over the place doing nothing to aid in the instincts to look out for his familiars. 

"How was school today?" Athena asked, pressing a kiss to both of their cheeks.

Athena's daughter? She had to be, Athena was with Bobby after all and this girl was so young. Not that that stopped most people... 

Buck wouldn't know what to do with himself if she was anything but her daughter. 

"Good," the girl replied, a polite smile on her face as she turned to look at him, then Eddie, then back to him again. "Hi."

Buck made a jerky, awkward wave in return.

"This is Eddie, he works with Bobby. And this is Buck," Athena introduced, gesturing to them both as Eddie stood and moved to Buck's side. "These are my children, May and Harry."

Children. Oh good.

"Hello."

"Hey."

"Hi."

Buck stared at the kids (at May), examining them for signs of any maltreatment without even really thinking about it.

The young omega looked healthy, unafraid. Relatively happy, unperturbed. 

And she was actively going to school. 

"Homework," Athena said, nudging both kids to the hallway that must lead to bedrooms, both groaning in annoyance at being sent away.

Annoyed, that she had to do homework.

So many omegas were pulled out of school the moment they presented, against their will. 

Buck's parents hadn't cared what he did so long as he stayed out of their way, so he'd stayed on for a year before quitting after his reputation of being the school slut became too much to handle any longer.

May was lucky to have a parent who encouraged her to still participate in school. Lucky homework was all she had to complain about.

Athena was... she was maybe good? A good parent at least. 

Really, it should be bare minimum to let her finish education, but most parents didn't meet that minimum. 

Once both kids were gone, doors slamming a little harder than Buck would have thought acceptable behaviour, he quietly braved to ask "How long has she got left in school?"

He was asking out of pure nosiness, a desire to discover her opinions on whether omegas being educated was actually at all important, or if she had plans to pull May out soon.

"She graduates next summer," she said, a fond smile on her face as she did. Proud, even.

And yeah, that was certainly fair. Graduating?! Even if Buck had been good at school, he was sure he would have been harassed in to quitting before he could have made it that far anyway.

So, it was impressive. 

"We're looking at Colleges, she's interested in studying politics at a higher level."

College?

"But..." what's the point? Buck bit his tongue, stopping himself from putting the idea down.

Rich omegas sometimes went to College, getting a degree more like an accessory than anything else.

They were the only ones who could afford it, given omegas didn't get funding from the government to go.

Athena seemed well off, but not the type of rich to afford something like that just for the sake of it.

So, he couldn't think of any reason for her to be allowing something like that to happen unless she genuinely did just care about her daughter?

And maybe that was why she was being so nice to him, maybe she sympathised, maybe she saw a tiny bit of May in him and that was why she wanted to help so much. 

Buck let out a breath, relaxing with it. "That's great," he smiled, truly meaning it. 

And in that moment, as Athena smiled back at him, Buck couldn't remember ever trusting an alpha so quickly before.

Because Athena was a parent, like him. And she wanted the best for her child even if she was an omega. 

Buck was in good hands.

"Would you like to stay for dinner?"

Eddie placed a hand on his shoulder, startling him a little.

"Thanks, but we should get going."

Buck blinked at Eddie, unsure whether to be grateful at the escape or annoyed.

Despite things being tense not so long ago, he was curious now. Fascinated by the relationship between Athena and her daughter, because he'd never seen someone care about their omega child so casually, like they were no different to any other kid.

"Thank you so much," Buck said to the woman in leu of a goodbye, after all her help. "I hope May's final year goes well."

"It will, she's very bright."

It was so unbelievably nice, healing even, to hear an omega child be spoken about in such a positive way. 

Buck was aware that in his case the stereotypes were true, he was slick brained dumb, but he knew for a fact that there were so many omegas out there who were just as intelligent as anyone else, if only they were just given the chance.

No one ever gave them chances to prove themselves.

Athena walked up with them to the door, reminding Buck to call the social worker, and her if needed for anything, before saying goodbye. 

They both thanked her again, before heading to the car, Eddie holding the passenger door open for him as was becoming usual, part of Buck still expecting to be thrown in to the trunk if Eddie didn't explicitly guide him to sit in the front.

Buck sank in to his seat, letting out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding at finally being alone with just Eddie again.

But the relief didn't last very long, as he quickly felt weighed down by the quiet that permitted between them, recalling how terribly he'd behaved. 

Not only had he definitely been embarrassing in front of Bobby, but he then lost his cool in front of Athena and proceeded to forget what was left of his manners after learning that she had an omega daughter– speaking unsolicitedly.

Eddie had every right to be stewing in anger, just waiting until they were alone to let it all out, but after a quick glance over Buck didn't pick up on any signs of that being the case. 

In fact, he looked as stoic as ever. Just... quiet.

"Eddie?"

Eddie briefly glanced over at him, humming in acknowledgment.

Buck bit his lip, ducking his head down low. "I'm sorry."

Eddie's shoulders sagged as he sighed, looking at him again, so tiredly, as he reversed out on to the street. "You did nothing wrong, Buck."

That wasn't true, he'd been so rude and out of order. He'd forgotten his place.

But he knew better, by then, than to push Eddie in to punishing him. That only ended up with him getting more upset, so Buck would just have to wait until the time came that it all inevitably exploded out.

Hopefully Eddie would be as generous with his punishments as he had been with everything else, because the list of wrongdoings was getting so painstakingly long.

"Thanks for bringing me there," he said instead of pleading for premature forgiveness, looking out of the window as he thought up a fact to share. With the unusualness of May's schooling still at the forefront of his mind, his fact followed suit. "I quit school after my friends tied me up for free use at basketball practice." 

He said the fact with a little dry laugh, not really thinking it through. Drifting off in his mind, as the sound of basketballs thumping on the ground admist the slurping of dick took over his senses. The bindings tight, biting, keeping him bent over the bleachers unable to pull away. Humiliation worse, as his gym teacher turned a blind eye to it all. Pain blinding, as his friends wanted to see if they could fit a basketball in his hole, stretching and pulling at the rim of course to no success, only stopping when he teared.

The car swerved, and Buck jumped when they hit the curb.

"Oh my god," Eddie gasped out, letting go of the wheel with one hand to instead place it on Buck's knee.

Now he could smell it, the bitter tangent scent of an alpha's anger.

Buck had forgotten that Eddie didn't like to hear how slutty he was. Of course he was displeased, who wouldn't be? It was gross, Buck was gross. He'd been passed around by a whole basketball team, and that was just in the early years of him being a slut. It didn't even scratch the surface of all the nasty things he'd done since then.

Fuck, he was such an idiot, why did he say that?

"They weren't friends, they're horrible people."

Buck didn't really have an argument for that. 

They were pretty shitty. Not for wanting sex, but for pretending that he had a chance to be their friend when they were so much older. It was obvious, in hindsight, that they weren't really interested in him. Why would they be? But at the time the older boys had been the only people who were (sometimes) nice to him, who made him feel important and needed.

And it was so long ago. While they were the first to use him in such a way, they were far from the last, or the worst.

Buck shouldn't have brought them up, they weren't important.

What was important was that everyone wanted sex with him, except Eddie it seemed.

Eddie didn't want it in exchange for being nice, and Buck was sure it was because he was so ugly and used. But at Eddie's distaste towards his old friends' antics, he had to wonder something...

"Are we friends?"

It was a silly question. 

Buck was Eddie's omega, that was it.

But what did that entail, if not physical intimacy? Their relationship had been strictly centered around companionship, so far. Eddie seemed to want a partner, nothing else.

They stopped at a traffic light, and Eddie smiled at him.

It was tight, pained. He was still mad about the free use thing, clearly.

Buck's stomach dropped.

"Yeah, Buck. We're friends."

Chapter Text

Eddie was leaving again, and Buck didn't like it.

Which was silly, he should be relieved to get some alone time without having to constantly watch his back, but he wasn't.

It was dumb, but he'd already gotten used to Eddie and so his absence was unsettling.

Buck didn't know what to do with himself.

He stood in the kitchen doorway, breakfast already tidied up as Eddie put his shoes on and checked through his bag, wondering around collecting things. He was taking some of the baked goods they'd made to share with his team, as they had a surplus supply they had no chance of getting through.

Once packed, he stopped in front of Buck, hand reaching in to his pocket and pulling out a wad of cash.

"Here's some money, use it for whatever you want, okay? Remember you've got to keep your nose clean."

Buck blinked, startled by the offer. Eddie had to push it in to his hand, and Buck opened and closed his mouth several times, utterly lost for words.

("Take this, stupid bitch, you earned it.")

"Thanks," he eventually said, fingers fumbling with the bills as he tried to discreetly count how much there was.

A hundred.

What the hell was Eddie doing giving him a hundred dollars?!

Eddie stepped closer, hand still touching his.

"I'm not mad about whatever it is you did to get money last time, just please don't do it again. Okay?" Eddie implored, staring in to Buck's soul, and Buck recoiled like he'd been struck.

Oh.

Did he... Eddie thought he stole it? 

No.

"I didn't steal, I earned it," he shook his head, not thinking the words through in his eagerness to let Eddie know that he wasn't a thief on top of everything else.

"How?"

Buck immediately back tracked, tongue tied as he recalled what exactly he had done for it, and immediately regretting his words.

Somehow he didn't think Eddie would be as cool with him whoring himself out as he was when under the impression that Buck was a thief.

"You aren't going to like it, I'm sorry," he admitted, ducking his head in shame.

Eddie frowned, before placing a hand on Buck's arm.

Buck forced himself not to pull away, though he did wince a little.

If he let strangers touch him he could damn well let his alpha do it.

"Whatever it is, just remember I'm not mad at you."

Buck wished he could believe that, but it was a trap he'd fallen in to too many times before.

They were never mad, until they were. Until it was too late to turn back.

"But I was bad," he whispered, swallowing down bile as he recalled the taste of that man in his mouth.

"Buck."

Eddie sounded serious, compelling him to look him in the eye.

Buck did, and bit at the inside of his cheek where it was still recovering from his gnawing yesterday.

"How did you get the money?"

He closed his eyes, letting out a sharp breath.

"I–I sucked some guy off." Panic consumed him when Eddie pulled away. He opened his eyes again to meet those wide brown ones.

They looked– they looked upset. Hurt.

"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have. I know I'm yours," he hurried to say. "I'm sorry, Eddie. God, I'm so stupid."

Buck reached his hands up to pull at his hair, tugging at it until his scalp hurt, but the pain wasn't enough. He clenched his fingers and wacked his knuckles against his scalp, immediately hitting again harder.

Eddie grabbed his wrist, pulling it away.

"It's okay," he said, and Buck bit out a weak laugh.

"It's not, I'm so stupid! I'm yours, I know I'm only yours, I'm sorry. Only you can touch me, Eddie, I know. I'm sorry I'm such a slut, so gross, I won't do it again."

No wonder Eddie was repulsed by him. Buck just couldn't help himself, just couldn't stop. He was dirty, unloyal.

He was Eddie's omega, it didn't matter if he didn't want to use him, that didn't give Buck the right to cheat.

Eddie stared at him, appearing indecisive about something.

Surely deciding on the best course of punishment.

Buck just hoped he didn't send him away. He'd gotten lucky, here. What were his chances of being put with another alpha willing to help him get his baby back? Slim to none. he couldn't mess this up, for Christopher.

Eddie's arms moved and Buck flinched, his hands coming up to cover his face in preparation for a blow.

Eddie stopped, and Buck joltily lowered his hands. 

Not because he felt safe, but because he was willing to take whatever Eddie gave him so long as it meant he could stay.

He braced himself. He doubted there was anything sweet, kind Eddie could do that would be anywhere near as bad as what some of the monsters he'd met had done.

"Can I hug you?" 

Buck was confused.

... Hug? 

Was this... some sort of trick to get his guard down maybe?

Eddie had said he doesn't like crying and fear. Perhaps he wanted Buck to at least feel calm about his impending pain? So he could better push down the fear, and anxiety?

"You can do whatever you want to me," he mumbled, unsure of what else to say.

Eddie didn't appear happy with that response.

Buck never said the right thing.

"Buck," he sighed out, exhausted. "Nobody is allowed to touch you if you don't want them to."

He couldn't help but snort at that.

Yeah right.

His body had been a commodity ever since he first presented at thirteen, a fact that was mostly his own fault as much as it was societies.

He was always too willing to bend over for anyone who gave him the faintest bit of attention, and by now there was no going back from the person he'd made himself to be. He was too used, too broken, and for that he was sorry to Eddie.

Eddie sighed. "I know so many people have ignored that, and I'm sorry. But I'm not going to."

For some inexplicable reason, Buck actually believed that.

To an extent, anyway.

He knew by then that Eddie had no interest in touching him. 

So... why was he offering a hug?

"You can hug me, Eddie," Buck replied, if only because it was the correct response and he was curious to see what would happen.

Best case scenario, he got a hug out of it.

Worst case, he'd have the life squeezed out of him until he couldn't breathe and he died in Eddie's very strong arms.

With that thought in mind, Buck remained very stiff as Eddie gently placed a hand on his back, nudging him forwards in to his chest with it.

The arms came around him slowly, wrapping themselves loosely, not like a death restraint at all. Plenty of room to break free.

Buck remained frozen, before hesitantly placing his hands on Eddie's upper back in return. 

When nothing came of it, he curled in on himself so as to be small enough to bury his nose in the man's neck, right by his pulse point.

And for several long moments, Eddie was all he heard, smelled, and felt.

His heart beat, as steady as his strong frame was.

His scent glands, right under Buck's nose, yet some how still unimposing unlike so many alphas he'd met.

Buck took a deep breath, inhaling that warm scent. Like... a fire in a hearth? Like home, and coziness, and sanctity.

He knew then that Eddie really wasn't angry. If he was, his scent wouldn't be so soothing. It would be itchy, and scary, and imposing.

Buck knew what an alpha smelled like when angry, this wasn't it.

"I'm sorry," he repeated in a whisper, relaxing a tiny bit more in to the man's body.

Eddie's hand rubbed his back.

"You're an adult, I don't own you. You can do whatever you want, I just... I don't want you to hurt yourself. And can you really say that you wanted to– to suck off a stranger?"

Buck closed his eyes at the question, biting the inside of his cheek again.

How did he even answer that without sounding either like a victim, or a disgusting person?

Because he'd chosen to do it, he wasn't taken advantage of or anything, but he couldn't honestly say that he'd wanted to do it either, that just wouldn't be true.

"It's just sex, it's what I do. It doesn't matter."

He grimaced at how dirty that made him sound. 

But that's how he felt. Sex wasn't a big deal to him like he knew it was for other people, it was just... normal. Every day life. A transaction.

He didn't think he'd gone more than a month, at most, since he was thirteen without taking something.

"It matters enough for you to be crying in my arms over it though."

Buck startled, not having realised how wet his face had become. He drew back and saw the damp patch he left on Eddie's shirt, and wiped at his face in embarrassment.

He sniffed. "'Cause I know you don't like me being used. I feel bad."

"I don't like you being hurt," Eddie corrected, and Buck just blinked at him.

It shouldn't be so hard to believe that, but it was. Everyone hurt him, whether intentionally or not, even Maddie had.

And if there was one thing he'd learned it was that he looked good when squirming and crying from pain.

Alphas liked to lick at his tears, watch his blood dribble down his body, laugh at his shrieks of fear.

It always sent them in to frenzies, wanting to see what more he could take and in turn worsening the situation.

"You're the only one," he muttered bitterly.

Buck was beginning to strongly doubt his previous beliefs that Eddie was lying to him, to instead consider that maybe Eddie was just... special. Not like anyone else he'd ever met.

One of Eddie's arms fell from around his frame, to instead rub at his forehead.

"I'm not, you've just had very shitty luck. But I promise you that's going to change," he said, and with their faces merely inches apart Buck stared in to those soft brown eyes, seeing the sincerity in them with every word. "As long as you're with me, no one can hurt you, Buck."

His heart fluttered, warming inside as he honed in on the man's scent again. He wobbled on his feet, and Eddie's arm kept him steady.

Buck lowered his eyes, a small smile pulling at his face.

"It's probably a good thing I have to go to therapy."

Fuck did he need it. He knew that, there was no denying it, there'd been too much shit in his life and it had broken him down. But if not for Christopher, he never would have acknowledged that.

If not for Christopher, he would have just let himself die rather than seek any help by that point.

Buck whined when Eddie pulled away fully, feeling unreasonably cold when he was no longer pressed to that strong frame.

Eddie clicked his fingers, remembering something, before pulling his phone out of his back pocket.

"Oh yeah, that's right, I was going to show you Bobby's suggestions so we can schedule an appointment," he said, scrolling for a moment before tilting the screen around for Buck to see. 

A pointless endeavour, he didn't understand what he was being shown but he appreciated being included in the decision making process anyway.

"So he sent me two, both trauma councillors who work in the fire department but they do sessions with our families as well," he said. "Frank Gibbons is a male beta, and Jennifer Wells is a female alpha."

There was a pause there, Eddie looking at him, and Buck belatedly realised he was waiting for input.

He had non to give.

"We can see if you like either of them, and if not then that's fine we can look for someone else, okay?"

"Okay," he nodded, despite already knowing how small the chances of him asking to look for someone else were. He'd put up with just about anyone if it gave him the best chance of getting his kid back.

Eddie looked at his phone again, biting his lip.

"Wells is available for an introductory session tomorrow afternoon? We could go after I get back from work, then get dinner out. What do you think?"

"Okay, Eddie," he nodded placatingly, still embarrassed by his little outburst not so long ago and trying not to show it.

Eddie nodded, and Buck repeatedly glanced up at him as he scheduled the appointment, uneased for reasons he couldn't explain.

He was not looking forward to it. Having to delve into all of his problems with a stranger- an alpha, at that.

But he supposed he'd done a fine enough job dumping his problems on to Eddie, may as well share the burden with someone who was actually getting paid to listen.

Eddie touched his arm again, thumb rubbing circles in to his skin.

"Are you gonna be alright on your own?"

No, but he'd just have to be.

"Course," he nodded, not returning Eddie's look. Instead he stared at his feet. Submissive, small. "What do you want me to do?"

He already anticipated the aggravating answer, having gotten used to Eddie's temperament.

"Whatever you want."

Of course.

Buck appreciated that he should be grateful he wasn't being given a list of demeaning chores to slave away on, but a little direction would be nice.

Over twenty four hours he'd be here alone, and Eddie wanted nothing? Seriously?

He didn't get the chance to ask again, because Eddie was soon pulling him in to another loose hug, slowly enough to give Buck plenty of time to pull away if he should want to.

He did not.

Instead he curled in to the touch, taking the opportunity to breathe in that scent again as Eddie rubbed a hand down his back.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said, before pulling away.

And Buck nodded, staring at his shoes.

"Have a good day at work."

The last time Eddie had left, Buck had kissed him.

He wasn't too sure if the gesture was appreciated since Eddie had left straight after, but he figured he would have heard about it if Eddie hadn't liked it.

With that in mind, Buck leaned forwards, and as though anticipating what was happening Eddie quickly turned his head to the side so that the kiss landed on his cheek.

Buck grinned at the way the man's cheeks reddened beneath his lips, before he said goodbye again and left, entirely flustered.

~~~~~

Buck spent the first few hours scrubbing at already spotless surfaces, and needlessly moving things around to try and make it cozier.

After that he paced around the house, already going stir crazy, before daring to sit on the couch, stiff so as to not disturb the cushions he'd puffed to perfection.

He hated silence. Always had.

He hated being contained even more.

It always reminded him of the four walls he'd grown up in, the suffocating heaviness.

And the Heat House and rehabilitation center certainly hadn't helped.

Being locked in a cage with only the cries of other omegas to fill the space, when they weren't tied up in bed.

Somehow, the rehabilitation center had been even worse, for him anyway. 

Those endlessly white walls, and sterile bright lights. Nothing to hone in on, nothing to distract himself with.

When he wasn't with his trainers, he was completely alone with only his thoughts and memories to keep him company, time seeming to come to a complete standstill when locked away in that room.

It had driven him crazy far quicker than being fucked and hurt over and over again had.

Eddie's house wasn't like that, though. 

He had free reign, and while there wasn't a whole lot of decoration it certainly wasn't sterile.

Still, being alone with no noise made Buck antsy, and that was why he turned the TV on if only to have something fill that void.

He rolled his eyes at the advert that came on for a lingerie store, a tiny blonde omega saying 'because they're worth it' with a suggestive wink, and he got up again to pace around.

It was out of boredom, and a desire to do something productive, that had him pick up the reading books Eddie had gotten for him.

He knew he'd likely get nowhere with it on his own, would just end up pulling his own hair out and staring blearily at the pages, but... well... it was worth a try.

He started with going over the alphabet again, saying what sounds he could remember each letter having. 

And when it came to writing them down from memory he found that he could recall a few more than he had last time.

A wobbly A, B, C, E, I, and O filled the page.

Then he copied out the ones he'd missed, writing out the full alphabet multiple times until his hand hurt.

He took a break then, attention span wavering, and it was only his desire to impress Eddie that had him sitting back down ten minutes later after a quick work out.

He tried to write his name.

Eddie had spelled it to him several times, drilling it in to memory, he just had to recall which letters made the sounds.

He knew B by heart, so started with that, then slowly found U, before faltering on the last part. Buk didn't look right, it was supposed to be a little longer, but there was only three sounds in the word so he couldn't figure it out.

Annoyed with himself, he shoved the paper away just as his phone buzzed in his pocket.

And he froze, before quickly pulling it out knowing that there was only one person it could be. Against all rationality, he glanced around the room for hidden cameras, worried he'd gotten caught for doing something wrong even though he wasn't all that sure what it could be.

Of course, he didn't see anything, and so looked at his phone.

A voice message from Eddie.

He'd had to teach the man how to send them just this morning, and Buck was glad the lesson had stuck.

He hesitated for a moment, a little scared about what it could be, before pressing play.

> "Have you had lunch?"

Buck stared at the message stomach suddenly feeling hollow at the question.

Eddie always told him to eat, he probably wanted him to... But Buck saw no point in lying about having eaten when there was always a chance that Eddie had changed his mind, and would be pissed off about it.

 "No, should I?" <

The reply was almost instant.

> "If you're hungry, yes. I want you to eat." 

Buck's feet kicked at each other, squirming in his chair with a smile at the forcefulness of that statement. 

Eddie wanted him to eat.

Why? He did not know, Buck had been reminded too many times about how greedy and fat he could very easily be, but Eddie didn't seem all too concerned by that.

Even though the rehabilitation centre had made it so that he was kept at the perfect size- slim, and toned, and easy to bend and manoeuvre- and Buck had expected any changes to that weight to be in the negative. 

Maybe Eddie wanted him chunkier? 

Which should be great, Buck was happy if that meant he didn't have to be hungry all the time, but after growing up with a mother who'd freak out over him snacking or eating carbs, and having comments about his body dished out to him on the daily, the thought made him feel a little sick.

Instinctively, pressed his hand to his stomach. 

The skin wasn't firm with his baby, nor sharp and boney, not toned either, it was... soft. A bulge?

His mouth went dry, and he hurried to the mirror in the hallway. 

Lifted up his shirt and stood sidewards. 

Definitely not as lean as he'd been when he got here.

His stomach was a little rounded out at the bottom.

Another message.

> "I know we have wraps and salad and chips. I think there's a frozen pizza? There's eggs too, maybe you can make an omelette? I don't know, I'm sure you'll think of something good. Just please have something."

Buck didn't want to. He didn't think more food would go down well at all when he could suddenly feel his breakfast and the dinner from last night sitting inside of him, bulging out his belly.

But he remembered curling up in that cage, looking at his protruding bones in a twisted sort of fascination as his hands shook and his stomach growled.

Remembered being pregnant, and sobbing in terror over the thought of starving his baby to death inside of him as he fought off unobtainable craving after craving.

Remembered only eating that tasteless paste for his months in the centre, it providing just as little sensory stimulation as everything else in that room, adding to the madness.

"Salad sounds good. Thanks, Eddie." < 

Salad would do no harm, right?

"What are you having?" <

Buck asked next, so as to keep the conversation going, more than it was to be polite.

He'd been... lonely. And Eddie's voice was like a balm to that loneliness, steady and present.

If he closed his eyes, he could pick up on the scent of him around the house and almost pretend that he was here.

Eddie sent a picture of his meal, what looked to be puff pastry tartlets with goats cheese and red onion.

"Oh, that looks so good. You made that?" <

Surely not. But if not Eddie, then... who?

Who was making food for his alpha?

Buck blinked to clear his vision several times, when a written message came up, the letters blurring together.

Eddie: No, Bobby did. 

Buck stared at it, head hurting, as he tried to make sense of it. 

Of course, that was to no success, and just as he was about to take the loss and ask his phone to read it out to him another voice message came through.

> "Sorry, someone asked who I was talking to so I was waiting for them to leave. Bobby made it."

Oh.

That... was unexpected.

Eddie's huge alpha boss made him tartlets?

Buck didn't know whether to smile or be worried. 

He'd promised Bobby that he was doing his best for Eddie, but now he knew that Buck didn't make his lunch for him. The literal bare minimum.

Buck bit at his nails.

He had to turn this conversation around. 

OK

That was so easy to spell, too easy, in fact, and he ended up doubting himself immediately after sending it. 

Eddie read it but didn't reply, so Buck hurried to add more even though that was most certainly a mistake.

First he looked at Eddie's message, copying one word from it before going through his keyboard listening to his phone read out each letter he pressed until the sounds matched.

Eventually, he had what he wanted written out. But he hesitated to press send for a long time, only relenting when he noticed that Eddie was still online, watching him type.

It would be worse to delete it and leave him hanging.

Bobby a gud kuk

That time, the reply came quickly.

Eddie: Yes :) Bobby's a good cook

Buck buried his face in his hands, groaning in embarrassment as he noticed the differences between the two messages. He fought against lurching his phone across the room, instead gnawing at his nails even more.

Then came another voice message.

> "I have to go, but send me a picture of what you're having please. Talk soon."

A picture. Damn, looked like he really would have to have something then.

He stood up quickly, eager to forget his poor attempts at writing, and went to the kitchen. 

Put together a small salad, too hesitant to use any dressing or cheese, and took a picture.

Ten minutes later, Eddie replied with a thumbs up and nothing else, and Buck was left alone again. 

Alone, with just his thoughts, which never ended well. 

It didn't take long at all for him to be pulling his hair out, tears brewing in his eyes as he thought about his son being somewhere out there. Squeezing his stomach again, for once wishing it was more full. More round. A sentiment he'd craved during those early days at the rehabilitation centre, when he had milk building up in his chest and a little belly pouch from his labour to remind him of what he was lacking.

No amount of push ups or staring at the TV in attempts to detach was going to work, he needed to go outside. 

A familiar urge, and one he could actually follow through with now.

He toed on his shoes, stuffed some cash in his pocket, and picked up the keys.

Calmy locked the front door behind him, before breaking off in to an unexpected run. 

Buck ran until his mind was clear, clear of all troubles, all worries about his baby and the fact that he was somewhere out there in this city. Ran until his lungs burned, and his vision was blurry. Ran until his shirt was sticking to his skin, and the streets were unfamiliar. 

He wasn't sure how long it had been until he finally burned the nervous energy out, skidding to an abrupt stop and heaving in breaths. 

People were looking at him weird. He was aware he was a very messy runner, legs too long for his body to keep up with. Maddie used to say it was like watching Bambi learning to walk.

Buck didn't care, he'd been looked at in worse ways, a little judgment from strangers wouldn't hurt.

But he did start moving again, if only to prevent anyone from approaching him. 

The last thing he needed was to fuck up and sell away his body after Eddie's talk earlier. He could have some restraint.

He'd ended up on a high street, shops and cafes on every corner. 

A touristy part of LA, with lots of pedestrians milling about.

Buck kept his head low and charged past them all.

One woman pinched his butt as he slid past her and a group of friends, but he kept going. Eager to keep the thoughts he didn't want to acknowledge out of his mind.

Coming across a tourist shop was what gave him the distraction he needed. For a silly reason, he was aware, but there were postcards in the window.

He used to have a note in his car with Maddie's hospital address written on it, and he'd send postcards to her so that she knew his general whereabouts. 

For years, he'd always thought he was sending them in to a void, but it had given him comfort anyways to share what he was doing with someone out there, even if he hadn't had the words to properly share his experiences.

Turns out, Maddie had gotten every single one of them, proven by the fact she showed up at the Heat House looking for him. 

His fault.

She'd finally gotten the courage to run away, and Buck had roped her in to that mess.

Some brother he was.

Buck stared at the cards on display, of silly things like the pier and the Hollywood sign. He was pretty sure the sign had been what was on the postcard he'd last sent to her.

Buck went inside the store and bought a Santa Monica postcard, a stamp, and a pen. 

Then he turned around and made the long trek back to Eddie's, pace fast and determined, only pausing to take a picture of the name of his street and house number before going inside and straight to the dining table.

He sat down, out of breath from his long walk, and uncapped the pen. He tapped it rapidly against the table in thought.

He didn't have the address of Maddie's hospital anymore. 

Not that there was much point in having it, he doubted Doug let her leave his sight much less work.

But he had no other way of contacting her. He just had to hope that, maybe...

He pulled out his phone, no new messages from Eddie.

He clicked the microphone on google.

"Hospitals in Hershey Pennsylvania."

With any luck they were at least still in Hershey. His sister could be anywhere by now, alone with that maniac. 

Locked up in a cabin in the woods, out in the middle of nowhere, off the grid... Or buried in a ditch.

He swallowed.

Hershey wasn't very big, there was only one main hospital and a couple of specialist ones.

One name looked familiar, and with an unsteady hand he wrote it out in to the address lines like he had so many times before.

Then came time to compose his message.

Madee Buklee

4995 South Bedford Street, LA

Ev ♡

Buck stared at it when done. It was more than he usually put, ordinarily he'd just write Madee with lots of hearts.

It had been a miracle (or, in other perspective, a tragedy) that she'd located him in all of LA.

He'd never gotten the chancer to ask her how she did it before they were torn apart by her husband, once again.

Now, if there was any chance of her even seeing this postcard, he needed her to know exactly where he was. 

He needed her to try again, he could do better this time with helping her escape.

They could make it together. Turn a new leaf.

Him, his sister, and his baby. 

His baby who-- Maddie had had custody of, for a short period of time. Until her husband tore them apart just like he had her and Buck.

Buck despised Doug more than he did any other alpha he'd ever met.

He carefully put on the stamp, and spent the next hour walking around aimlessly trying to find a post office, kissing the card goodbye before slipping it through the slot.

The walk home was solemn, filled with doubt that it would ever get anywhere, that he'd ever see Maddie again.

He wasn't allowed to sit in it, however, as a message came through just as he got in and closed the front door behind him.

Buck's heart stuttered, panicked that he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't be, that Eddie had been tracking his location on his phone (not that Eddie seemed capable of doing such a thing).

> "Everything okay? What are you up to?"

Suspicious?

Buck took off his clothes, got in to sweats, and took what he had been wearing along with the sparse few clothes in the laundry basket to the washing machine.

He waited until it started, so the recognisable sound was in the background, before replying.

"Just put some laundry in and about to go to <

bed. How about you?"

> "I'm going to try get some sleep too, while it's qui- ow! What the hell?"

Buck's eyes widened at the sound of Eddie's shriek, like he'd been caught off guard by something.

"What was that?!" <

No reply.

Eddie hadn't even played it.

Why hadn't he played it?!

Was he okay?

Buck stared at his phone, images of blood and fire and pain flickering through his mind, only it was Eddie going through it rather than him, and just as he was about to run around until he found the nearest fire station a call came through.

"Are you okay?" Buck was quick to ask, voice shrill, and he felt like he could only breathe again when he heard a familiar dry laugh in return.

"I'm fine, some people are just delusional," the last part of that sentence seemed to be directed towards someone else, Eddie's voice going loud on the last word.

"What happened?"

"My friend from work, Chimney, was spying on me. He's been dying to know who I've been talking to today. Then he freaked out because apparently it's a curse to say the word quiet."

An alarm went off, and Eddie groaned.

"Gotta go, but we'll talk soon. Have a good sleep, Buck."

The call ended before he could reply, plunging him back in to silence, and Buck remained still for several long moments before lowering his phone back in to his pocket.

He waited for the laundry to be done, hung it up to dry, then tidied up his reading books. Walked around the house, making sure it was all in order, before going to bed like he'd said he would.

It was cold. Unnervingly devoid of another body.

As unused as Buck was to having a clean comfy bed to lie down in, he was even more unused to having an empty bed.

Since he was nineteen, the few times he'd slept in a proper bed in between couch surfing and squeezing himself in to the backseats of his jeep had been when he was sleeping with the owner of said bed.

And while Eddie didn't sleep with him in that way, he was still a body.

He was still warm, still made noise, still moved. 

Buck pulled Eddie's pillow to his chest, sucking a deep breath, but it did little to ease the aching absence.

And that absence only led to the other more painful absence haunting his mind to become more apparent.

Every time he closed his eyes he pictured a tiny baby cooing and wriggling next to him. Extended his hand out, fingers twitching around cold air.

And so Buck ended up staring at the ceiling for several hours, waiting for his phone to buzz, but it never did.

It didn't in the morning either. 

As he got up at 5 am, having long since given up on sleep, and made the bed and had a work out on the floor, then showered and did another sweep of cleaning the bathroom and kitchen.

Eddie did not text, or call.

Which shouldn't be unusual, Buck hadn't been with him long enough to establish a norm, but when he was in such a state of longing for anyone's company but his own he noticed it.

Buck was at the front door minutes before it approached time for Eddie to get home, kneeling there until his knees ached. Eventually he braved standing up, pins and needles shooting through his legs, and he took to biting at his nails in worry over it being a mistake to remain like that.

But Eddie never seemed appreciative of him kneeling, and so he was curious to see if he really didn't have to.

He stood there for over half an hour, face creasing in worry with each second that passed by with the door remaining closed.

Then he went to get his phone, glancing at it to find no messages, before returning to his self designated spot.

And that was where he stayed, eyes burning a hole in to the wall. Watching, waiting, growing more and more agitated the longer he went without any sign of his alpha, thoughts spiraling.

Because something must be wrong, right? Eddie had been exactly on time after his last shift.

What if he got in to an accident?

Or what if he died at work?

What did Buck do then?

He chewed at his nails until they bled, frozen to the spot as scenarios passed through his head.

Aware that they were unreasonable, traffic in LA was awful and Eddie could have just gone out somewhere, he wasn't tied to Buck after all he could do what he wanted.

But still, it would be just his luck if the first good alpha he had ever been with died or disappeared before Buck could get his son back.

The front door opened an hour and a half after the time he had expected Eddie to arrive home.

Buck's knees wobbled when it finally clicked open, both from relief as well as the ever present urge to kneel. 

He stayed upright, to instead stumble forwards when he saw his alpha alive and in one piece, relief consuming him whole.

"You're okay," he gasped out, and with a furrowed brow Eddie placed his hand on Buck's arm to keep him upright, wobbling a little himself beneath Buck's weight.

He looked exhausted. Eyes heavy, and hair a mess. He was still in his uniform, dirt caked on the blue polo shirt he had on, damp with sweat, and belt on his pants unlooped. 

Eddie exhaled sharply, shoulders slumped.

"Sorry, I meant to text but everything was crazy. Every time we sat down the alarm went off, I don't think we had a minute to breathe."

Buck placed his own hand on Eddie's shoulder, steadying the man in return when he swayed before guiding him over to sit on the couch. 

Eddie slumped on to it, closing his eyes with a relieved sigh, and Buck hovered, fidgeting with his hands. 

Wanting to do something to make it all better, but unsure how.

"Do you want anything to eat? Or drink?"

He hadn't prepared anything. Fuck he should have prepared something. Eddie had been at work for a whole day, and Buck had sat at home doing nothing.

He'd lied to Bobby, saying he was doing his best.

"I'm fine. Thank you though," he said, entirely unbothered as a yawn broke free of his mouth. "Just wanna lie down for a bit before we head to your appointment."

They had a few hours until that, but Buck could tell that Eddie was not ready to take him to it. He was practically out of it, he shouldn't have to put up with Buck's issues after the day he'd clearly had.

"We don't have to go, Eddie."

Eddie opened his eyes again, squinting up at him.

Buck shuffled.

"We do, it's important. I just need a minute."

A minute. Right.

Buck stood there, hands ringing together in nerves as he tried to figure out what to do whilst he waited, still on edge after his panic over Eddie being late.

He had to look productive, Eddie had been working his ass off and Buck had to be useful, but the house was already spotless. 

"Why don't you put a show on or something?" Eddie offered after picking up on his hesitancy, patting the couch cushion next to him.

And Buck quickly took to the instructions even though they weren't all that productive, sitting down and forcefully relaxing himself as Eddie pushed the remote in to his hands.

He skipped through the channels until he got to the telenovelas he knew Eddie was so fond of, stopping there.

Eddie squinted open an eye again at the sound. "Put on whatever you want to watch," he said.

Buck shrugged. "I like it."

Not really a lie, just an exaggeration. It wasn't his thing, but it was entertaining enough in a sort of brain numbing way.

He could understand why Eddie appeared incredulous though. Buck had neglected to mention that he could understand a little bit of spanish (he could understand it better than he could speak it), because he'd enjoyed having Eddie explain to him what was going on last time.

So he must think it made absolutely no sense to him without Eddie's translations. But Eddie didn't press, just sighed before closing his eyes again, his head lolling to the side with sleepiness.

And Buck leaned back in to the couch a little, trying to appear relaxed even though he was jittery. Arms crossed, squeezing himself.

Eddie kept squinting his eyes open every so often at the show, snorting out a laugh at the overly dramatic acting before closing them again, and Buck grinned each time he heard the noise.

Seriously, it was stupidly endearing.

But it didn't take long for him to actually fall asleep, clearly needing it, and Buck tensed right back up as soon as the man began to slump over to the side, to his side.

Eddie's head pressed in to his arm, his mouth pursed open, and Buck stayed as still as humanly possible for several long moments, worried about waking him up, before forcing himself to settle again.

He slowly uncrossed his arms, lifting them up in the hopes of creating some space between, but Eddie's head fell to rest against his chest instead.

And Buck huffed a laugh, before awkwardly lowering his arms again, left with no choice but to lie one down across Eddie's shoulders in a sort of hug. 

Eddie slept on him for a good two hours, and Buck barely moved a muscle, absentmindedly stroking back the loose strands of the man's hair as he differentiated between trying to make sense of the fast paced spanish on TV and peering down at Eddie's lax expression.

Content to stay there, with the alpha's warm body pressed to him.

If only Eddie hadn't thought ahead and set an alarm to go off an hour before his therapy appointment, just as Buck's own eyes had started to slip closed.

Chapter Text

Eddie was right outside, not ten feet away.

Buck stared at the door separating them, his kneels curled to his chest as he focused on remembering that.

Ten minutes in, and already immensely regretting his decision to refuse Eddie's offer of coming in with him for the first session.

He hadn't wanted Eddie to hear whatever it was he said, he'd already dumped enough on him.

But still, he was right there, ready to intervene should Buck shout for him or asked to leave.

He wasn't alone, not really.

It just felt like he was when Wells' eyes were pinned solely on him, the room silent but for their breathing.

She had scent blockers on. A good idea, really, but it put Buck on edge because it meant he had little insight in to what she was feeling, and her expression certainly wasn't giving anything away.

"You seem uncomfortable," Wells said, the first thing she'd said in a while after Buck had gone silent from her query in to when he'd first had sex with someone. It had been so abrupt it had caught him off guard, made him tongue tied as he recalled those boys giggling as they led him up their room.

There was no point in lying, you were supposed to be honest with your therapist. That was what she'd said when he first sat down, that nothing was off limits.

He had to participate, to get on her good side. For Chris. Chris was why he was really here, so long as he remembered that he could be brave.

"A little," he shrugged, eyes glued to his hands as he fidgeted.

"That's not unusual, you've been through a trauma. That's why you're here, to work through those feelings."

Trauma.

Obviously that was what it was, going in to labour three months early after an incredibly high risk pregnancy then having his micro preemie snatched away from him was definitely traumatic, to say the least.

But nobody had ever straight up called it that before, and trauma almost seemed like too kind of a word. It had killed him, driven him crazy to the point he'd purposely lived in hallucinations for a long time whilst in that rehabilitation centre, reality to agonising to bare.

"I don't really– I don't really talk about them. I'm not supposed to."

"To what?"

His face was hot.

"To bother people."

"I treat a lot of first responders, people who run towards danger. But maybe there's something you're running from?"

Yeah. Because unlike Eddie, and alphas, he was a measly coward who ran away from things when he was scared.

The comment didn't sound like it was supposed to be mean, she said it so gently. But it got on his nerves all the same, left him with the resolve to be brave and answer her directly if only to prove a point.

He stopped hugging his knees, letting his legs fall to the floor so that he was sat up straight.

Took a deep breath.

"I'm a sex addict," he said, the first thing that came to mind.

She tilted her head, lip quirked. "What makes you say that?"

"Everything I do, everyone I see, I immediately think about sex."

And he wasn't even exaggerating.

When Eddie hugged him, he thought about his hands going up his shirt.

When he walked past strangers, he imagined a group of them grabbing him and dragging him in to an ally.

When he was giving birth, the doctors had stood between his legs and he'd instinctively wrapped them around their waists.

When he was having a nice time at the beach with Eddie, he'd thought about how sticky the sand would be with his slick if he got fucked there and then.

When he walked in to this office, he'd immediately registered all of the surfaces available to be bent over.

"I shouldn't want to, not after the–" he trailed off, eyes going out of focus. For a moment, he was in another place. Another time.

"The Heat House," she added in for him, and Buck clenched his fists as he wondered how much of his past Eddie had shared with her before this.

"Yeah," he nodded reluctantly, eyes beginning to burn. "But it's the only thing I'm good for. I mean, I've been having sex with everyone I've met since I presented. But... Eddie doesn't want sex with me, I guess because I'm used it grosses him out, and I— I feel bad."

He stiffened when she suddenly stood up, approaching him.

Just as the tears began to fall, she took a seat on the coffee table in front of him, her hand resting down on his thigh.

His instinctive thought was of that hand slipping higher up, up between his legs. He shuddered, swallowed, staring down at it. Waiting.

"That's completely natural," she said cooly.

Buck wiped at his face with his sleeves, sucking in a wet breath.

A little... confused. He hadn't expected that answer. He'd expected to be told what a filthy mind he had, how greedy he was.

It couldn't be normal. 

Could it?

"It is?"

"As Oscar Wilde said, 'Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. That's about power.'"

He frowned.

Stared at that manicured hand again, wondering if he was imagining it creeping higher up his leg like he'd priorly anticipated.

"And, forgive me if I'm wrong, but I take it you've felt rather powerless when you've engaged in sex before?"

"I guess," he shrugged, biting at his cheek. Distracted entirely now by the contact. Mind zoning in on the fact that there was a hand pressing in to his thigh, and he should really just strip down there and then.

"I-I mean, at— at the Heat House, I uh, didn't really..." It was definitely getting higher. "I didn't want to. But— more and more people kept being sent in, and I-I didn't have much choice." He was feeling so hot, mouth dry. "Before that a lot of the times I slept with people because I needed something, or–or wanted to be their friend."

And Buck wouldn't really— he wouldn't really consider any of it rape.

Because he hadn't said no. And he'd initiated most of it, once he learned what favours his body could get him.

It just... sucked sometimes. Without reason.

She squeezed.

"Being a male omega, your body is very conflicted. The omega part of you begs to be filled, to take and serve and please. But the small part of you that is still a man wants that control. That side has been left unsatisfied whenever you roll over and take it."

That made sense. The best sex Buck remembered having had been with the other omega he'd dated, where he'd gotten to be the one giving. It hadn't left him with that gross feeling afterwards, that aching void and need for more, like every other time had.

Oh he definitely hadn't been mistaking her moving up. Her hand was at his crotch now, fingertips pressing in to it through the fabric, leaving no room for misunderstanding.

He needed control in sex, that was what he was missing.

And she was a woman, she had the right parts for him to try that out.

Sex therapy? That was a thing, right?

"You think it'll help?" He asked hoarsely. Wiping at his eyes again before allowing the familiar numbness to take over him inside, the acceptance.

"I do," she said. 

And Buck desperately needed this to work, for his baby.

So, he gave a well practiced smile, sly and soft. Fluttered his lashes, before slowly sneaking his shirt off over his head.

Her hands quickly went up to his bare chest, and then with that touch she pushed him back until he was reclined on the couch.

Not the best position for him to be the one giving, but he trusted her judgement. She was a professional after all.

And he quickly realised that it was his own fault she had to take charge, because once they were undressed he just lay there and took it all as he'd been trained to do, staring blankly at the ceiling and trying not to think about his alpha being right on the other side of that door.

The ceiling light was bright and directly behind her head, so his eyes got a little watery midway through and she licked the tears away.

That familiar gesture made him feel dizzy and nauseous, and so all he did for the rest of their session was hold her hips in support as she rode him to her own completion. Inside, he was screaming, getting lost in memories initiated by that tiny occurrence.

She gasped in his ear when she finished, breaths hot and sticky. In contrast, he had goosebumps all across his skin and felt icy cold inside.

He grimaced when she used his shoulders to pull herself off, leaving him uncomfortably wet and hard and gross. So gross.

"I can't believe we just did that," she gasped out, quickly facing away from him as though ashamed. Buck sat up slowly, a little shaky. "That was beyond unprofessional."

His stomach twisted, dread consuming him whole.

Was he in trouble? No, he couldn't afford to be. He thought he was doing what she wanted?

"It helped. I feel a lot better now," he said, hoping that would help his case. He'd come hear to get better for his baby, she had to think that it was working. He had to appear put together.

She turned to him again, holding her shirt closed around her chest.

"You can't tell anyone, therapy sessions are confidential."

Like he'd want to tell anyone anyway? The only person he had was Eddie, and Eddie would be disgusted with him.

Buck looked at the door again.

Eddie was right there on the other side, and Buck had fucked up again.

Tears brewed in his eyes, and his face was red and hot in frustration to keep them down, guilt clawing in his stomach like a wild animal desperate to be freed.

"I won't," he said, and she sighed in visible relief.

Then gave him a box of tissues.

"Were you scheduling another session?"

He shuddered at the thought, wiping his face dry, before putting on that smile again. This time, it was a little wobbly. Hard to maintain.

"Yeah."

Getting dressed again was awful.

He was still hard, which was embarrassing, but the worst part was when he stood and his drying slick made a peeling sound against the leather couch.

He used the tissues to try and clean up his mess a little, apologising profusely.

She just watched.

Buck's hands were shaky when he eventually opened the door, Eddie quickly standing from the chair he'd been sitting in.

He froze up.

Saw Eddie's eyes examine him, narrowing in suspicion already.

Buck barged past him.

"I need the bathroom," he said, having already asked Wells where the closest one was.

He saw Eddie follow after him.

Buck opened the door and quickly slammed it shut behind him, locking it.

He was gasping for breaths, panicked.

Eddie knocked on the door.

"Buck? Are you okay in there?"

"I'm fine!" His voice was shrill, unbelievable. He was still trying to catch his breath. "Just– don't feel very well."

"You're sick?"

Buck grasped at the tiled wall, other hand pressing to his chest. His heart was racing, like it was trying to break free.

"I just– need a– minute," he gasped out, and there was a pause between them then.

Buck wondered what Eddie was thinking.

"Okay," Eddie eventually said. Buck couldn't make sense of his tone. Couldn't smell him through the walls, either. "I'll be right out here, take as long as you need."

Buck nodded, which was silly.

He swallowed down nausea and closed his eyes, catching his breath.

He could smell his own slick.

Buck straightened then, rushing to the sink.

Peeled off his clothes again, splashed himself and wiped which was so gross to do in a public bathroom but he could not let Eddie smell it.

For the first time, he was glad that Wells had worn scent blockers because Buck knew how an alpha's arousal could stick to skin so easily, no amount of soap getting rid of it.

Buck clutched at the sink once done, still not feeling clean but it would have to do because Eddie was still out there waiting and he had to be getting suspicious the longer he took.

Buck tidied his clothes again, splashed his face, and practiced smiling in the mirror before going to the door.

As promised Eddie was right outside, straightening up from leaning against the wall as soon as he saw him.

"Sorry," Buck muttered, tearing his eyes away from the worry in Eddie's face, unable to bare it.

"Don't be sorry," he quickly said, stepping towards him. Buck flinched away when Eddie touched his shoulder, and Eddie let go.

Wells hadn't stopped even when he was crying, even if his tears hadn't been because of her, just the light.

Yeah, that was it. Blue eyes were sensitive. 

"What's wrong, you–" Eddie's brows furrowed, and he took a deep breath. "You smell... weird."

Oh fuck.

"I threw up in Dr Wells' office."

He wasn't sure where that came from, but he was relieved all the same when Eddie's suspicion quickly changed to concern.

"Oh Buck," he said, softening instantly.

Buck didn't deserve his sympathy.

"I cleaned it up, don't worry, I just... I wanna go home," he said, arms wrapping around himself.

Eddie's hand twitched, like he wanted to reach out to him but thought better of it.

"Okay, that's fine, let's get you home," he nodded, extending an arm out to guide him the right way.

Buck walked quickly.

Eddie hurried to keep up.

"Was she nice at least?" He asked when they were downstairs in the lobby, holding the door open for him.

Buck faltered.

Yeah, she had been nice. She hadn't shouted or called him names, and she hadn't been aggressive.

"Yeah," he nodded, meaning it. Then swallowed again, throat still dry, before adding "She wasn't mad that I was sick."

Sick in more ways then one.

Buck slowed down once they were outside, sticking close to Eddie's side.

"Well would you want see her again? Or we can look for someone else, that's not a problem."

Someone else.

No, Buck didn't think he could handle doing all that again with someone else, it had been mentally exhausting.

"I already scheduled another appointment, in a week."

Every week.

Would they have sex every session? That would be far too wrong to do behind Eddie's back if that was the case.

Buck was just grateful that they were covered by Eddie's work, he would have definitely been dying from guilt if Eddie had been paying out of pocket for him to get laid.

Eddie stared at him. Buck didn't know what he was seeing.

"Okay, that's... good."

Eddie sounded even less convincing than Buck did.

They got to the car. Buck almost opened the door himself before faltering. He wasn't supposed to assume his place, even if it had remained the same so far.

Eddie opened the passenger door for him, and Buck smiled before getting in with a muttered thanks.

His chest uncoiled a little when they were finally driving away, leaving that place behind.

For a week, at least.

"I'm really proud of you, you did a better job than I'm going to."

Buck's stomach churned. First time he'd ever heard someone say that they were proud of him, and it was when he'd lied to and betrayed that person? 

Oh god, he really was going to be sick. 

Especially when he picked up on the end of that sentence.

"Going to?" He stared ahead at the road, fingers tightening in to fists until his nails dug in to his palms.

"Yeah," Eddie said. "Bobby's been hounding me about going to therapy, and if you can do it I guess I can do it too. Plus I want to know that who you're seeing can do their job properly,"

"You're going to Wells?" Oh no. No, no, he couldn't. Eddie and Wells had to stay seperate otherwise Buck would explode.

No.

"No, you shouldn't do that, you should see someone else."

Eddie glanced at him. Buck could feel the hesitation.

"Why?"

"Because–" because I slept with her, I cheated again, I don't want you to know, I don't want you to sleep with her either, I need to keep you both seperate in my mind otherwise I'll combust from guilt. "Because I told her things that I don't want her to tell you."

Did things was more accurate, but Buck was a coward.

"Buck, therapists don't share client information, they're-"

"Confidential, yeah I know, but still," he finally looked at Eddie. Eddie, who was gripping the steering wheel so incredibly tight and kept looking at him with a concern that could make Buck melt. "I won't want to talk to her if I know that you know her too."

Eddie turned in to a parking lot.

"Okay," he huffed out exhaustedly, before swinging in to a bay and coming to a stop. Then he turned in his seat to look at him properly, and Buck tensed. "You sure everything was okay in there?"

Buck gave a small unconvincing nod, resolutely not looking at Eddie.

"Why have we stopped?" He asked carefully, hald expecting to be kicked out.

Eddie remained quiet for several minutes, still looking for... something.

Then he undid his seatbelt.

"I'm getting soup, you're sick. Now what flavour do you like?"

Buck's eyes were teary. He chewed at his lip, using the mild pain to try and distract himself from the emotions he was feeling. 

He couldn't cry, if he cried Eddie would know something was wrong.

"I don't need soup, Eddie," he said.

Really, he didn't. He wasn't sick, he was just a liar, and he didn't deserve Eddie's kindness.

"I'm picking some up anyways, so?"

Buck wiped at his face, rubbing the first tear that fell away.

"Tomato please," he said, if only because it was the simplest. 

He really did feel nauseous now, so at least he wouldn't have to pretend.

"Okay, anything else?"

"No thank you."

Eddie nodded, before getting out of the car.

Buck's fingers reached for the door handle, wanting to follow and stay as close as possible, but it hadn't sounded like he was invited.

And truthfully, he needed some time alone to recollect himself.

Buck had gnawed off three of his nails until the skin was red and raw, and scratched at his arms with the jagged ends until they bled by the time that Eddie came back.

Buck jumped, startled, and quickly rolled down his sleeves and clenched his fists to hide the congealing blood on them.

Eddie handed him a bag, with soup, and medicine, and tea, and crackers, and ginger biscuits.

All sick foods.

A sob tore from his throat, and Buck tried to swallow it back down.

"Thank you, Eddie," he spoke hoarsely. 

He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve such kindness, but he was getting it anyway.

The bag rustled as he shuddered.

"You're welcome," he said simply, already turning the engine on to set off again. No fan fare, no waiting for Buck to thank him properly. Like it was just... a normal thing to do, not special.

A fact. He owed Eddie a fact, at the very least.

"I think you're the best alpha I've ever met."

Eddie paused.

"The bar's in hell, but thank you. I'm glad you think so."

Neither of them said anything for the rest of the drive home.

By the time they got there, Buck was a little less shaky, a little less nauseous, after breathing in the alpha's scent for so long.

But he still felt bad. Like he needed to hurt, to make up for what he'd done. A familiar urge, one that had carried with him since he was far too young.

The desire to scratch and bruise and bloody himself up. The lines he'd already drawn on his arms were doing little to ease the need, though they stung against the fabric of his clothes.

He hadn't had to do stuff to himself in a long time, others had been doing a fine enough job dishing out punishment for him.

Buck realised he'd phased out when he felt the car door open next to him. He hadn't even realised Eddie had gotten out.

He blinked up at him. 

Eddie was staring again, his hand held out in offer.

Buck took it, needing the support to stand up more than he realised.

Eddie wasn't going to do his job and punish him, Eddie was too kind.

Buck would have to find a way to do it himself.

"Okay, long day, let's get soup on then straight to bed I think," Eddie said, as he placed a hand on Buck's back and nudged him along.

He watched him unlock the door, and Buck was so tired as soon as he stepped in to the house.

But he couldn't go to bed yet. 

It was clean bedding.

He couldn't get in to Eddie's bed with another alpha's touch all over him.

"Can I have a shower first? Please, Eddie?" He didn't look at him when he asked.

Eddie dropped the keys on to the side, and circled around him so as to be facing him.

"Of course you can, you don't have to ask," he said. He'd said that before. Buck was trying to be polite, to not assume because he wasn't owed anything, but was it becoming annoying?

Buck nodded, but didn't move towards the bathroom despite desperately wanting to.

Eddie hovered by him for several moments, before taking the bag of food out of his hand and walking towards the kitchen.

"Do you want toast with your soup? Or I can try grilled cheese?"

He still wasn't hungry. 

Felt... hollow.

He was too guilty to eat.

But Eddie wouldn't accept him not eating, he already knew.

Unless Buck told him, then maybe... 

No, he couldn't tell. It had been just yesterday morning that Eddie gave him a talk about not sleeping around.

"Just soup is fine, thanks, Eddie."

"It'll be ready when you come out."

Right.

Buck straightened up, took a deep breath, and made his way to the bathroom.

Peeled off his clothes.

They stunk.

He could smell sex and slick on them.

But he believed Eddie would have said something if he picked up on that too, so it had to just be him honing in on it.

Buck stuffed them to the bottom of the laundry basket and stepped in to the shower, turning the heat all the way up. 

Usually he just had it lukewarm, not wanting to steal all of the hot water, but he needed to peel his skin off. Selfish, as always.

Buck winced at the initial spray, watching his skin quickly turn pink then red.

Eventually he acclimatised to it, going numb.

Sweat built up on his chest and face, and his head hurt. 

He took the bar of soap and began to scrub, dead skin peeling off under the heat.

He had to be clean for Eddie.

But no matter how hard he tried it didn't feel like he was getting any better.

And he must have been in there for a while, because a knock on the door eventually startled him out of the frantic scrubbing.

"Buck?" Eddie called.

Buck didn't usually close the bathroom door, he wasn't supposed to do that. It was Eddie's house, how dare he shut him out.

"Can I come in?"

Of course he could. He could do whatever he wanted.

But Buck wasn't ready.

He placed the soap down, and looked at himself.

His skin was bright red, rubbed raw. 

The bathroom with thick with humidity, something that may work in his favour if it disguised the ugliness of his body. 

There was really only one answer he could give.

"Okay!" he called out, and wrapped his arms around his body as the door clicked open.

Eddie's eyes were respectfully set on the floor at first, until the heat in the room caught him off guard and he recoiled before looking up.

Part of Buck hoped that he'd get in to trouble for using up all of the hot water. Hoped Eddie would do his job and finally hurt him.

Instead, he just looked concerned, taking quick steps in Buck's direction.

Buck hugged himself tighter, the water pounding against his back.

The glass around the shower was foggy, but not enough to properly conceal him.

"What happened?" Eddie asked, appearing a little wild as he did.

He sounded... angry, maybe? Worried? Certainly not happy.

He swallowed.

"Nothing, I just don't feel well," Buck said, looking away.

Eddie had to be on to him. Had to be, right? Why would he keep asking if he wasn't at least suspicious?

"What happened to your arms?"

Oh.

Buck glanced down at the raised skin. Let go of himself immediately, to instead hide his arms behind his back, hands clasping together tightly.

He'd forgotten about that. 

They'd started to bleed again under his harsh scrubbing.

"I... scratched them."

He'd lied enough today, he had no reason to do it even more.

And besides, Eddie had said that no one else could hurt him, and so that rule didn't apply to himself.

He hadn't done anything wrong, in that regard.

And yet Eddie's shoulders slumped at the confession and he looked a little- a lot- hurt.

"Why?" he breathed out, and Buck closed his eyes. He couldn't bare it, couldn't bare how he kept messing up and disappointing Eddie. Eddie, who had to be the easiest alpha in the world to please, and yet he still kept falling short. "Buck, what happened in there?"

He gnawed at his lip. Focused on the sensation of his back burning.

"I don't have to tell you anything, it's confidential."

That was a cheap shot, one he desperately hoped would work.

If Eddie kept prying, he didn't think he could keep it in much longer. 

And then where would that leave him?

Eddie gets pissed, and either hurts him, forbids him from seeing Wells (or anyone) again because he couldn't be trusted, or decides he'd finally had enough and either kicks him to the streets or sends him back to the rehabilitation centre.

He couldn't afford such a fuck up when he was trying to get Christopher back.

But Eddie just kept staring at him, it was the longest he'd ever looked when Buck was naked. Usually he'd be repelled, look anywhere but at his body, now his eyes flickered over Buck's face.

"You're right, you don't," he eventually admitted. "I just hope all... this, is because your session was productive, and not because she in anyway hurt you."

It was then that Buck saw his out, saw his way to play his behaviour off as normal.

"We just had a difficult talk," he shrugged. Not exactly a lie, it had been difficult. "I guess it upset me."

"You don't have to go back there if you don't want to, just let me know and I can cancel it."

No. No he couldn't. Athena said he needed to show stability, skipping therapy wouldn't help.

And anyway, she hadn't hurt him. Buck just felt bad because he was lying to Eddie about fucking up again, guilty because he'd basically cheated. 

None of them was down to Wells, she hadn't made him do anything.

He just wouldn't sleep with her again, he could keep it in his pants next time, and everything would work out.

The guilt would eventually fade, and he'd be on the right track to getting his baby back.

"It's good for me. I need therapy."

"I know," Eddie said, a little too quickly for Buck's liking. Damn, was he really that fucked up? "But it doesn't have to be with her, we can try someone else if she's not a good fit. I don't think... I don't think you're supposed to get sick and hurt yourself over therapy, Buck. Upset, tired, yeah, but you seem–"

"I already felt sick this morning," Buck interjected, which was rude of him to do but he didn't like where Eddie was going. 

Eddie didn't believe him, Buck could tell.

But he was clearly too tired to continue going around in circles with him, and Buck knew they'd reached the end of the conversation when the man huffed out a breath and nodded his head.

"Okay," he conceded, stepping back towards the door. "I'm going to reheat the soup, so don't be much longer, okay?"

Buck nodded, and watched him go.

And despite wanting to curl up on the floor and spend another few hours in there, Buck knew he couldn't.

Eddie was so generous. He hadn't even been mad about the hot water. 

Buck couldn't be even more selfish than he had been and stay in there for longer, he must have already gotten through much of the water bill.

So, after another round of scrubbing- he still didn't feel clean enough- he got out.

He stood in the middle of the bathroom for several long moments, shivering from the sudden absence of scalding water, and stared at the towel hanging on its hook. 

He didn't want to use it, to contaminate it with his skin, but he couldn't drip all around the house either.

Buck towelled himself off quickly, riffing at his soaked hair until it was a giant mess from both that and the humidity, before throwing it in to the wash basket.

Then he walked out in to the bedroom, and eventually the kitchen.

Eddie immediately made him turn around to go put some clothes on, incase he spilt hot soup over himself.

A fairly reasonable excuse to not want to see his body, Buck figured. Still the rejection stung, as it always did.

He came back in sweats, and hovered close by as Eddie took his soup out of the microwave, lost on what to do as he watched, standing there uselessly.

Eddie placed the bowl on the table, along with a plate of toast that he'd said he didn't want, and gestured for him to sit.

Buck begrudgingly did so, stiff and unsure as Eddie went to get his own bowl of soup before joining him.

"Thank you, Eddie," Buck whispered, head bowed low. His hands fidgeted under the table, picking at his cuticles. "I practiced reading yesterday, it didn't go great but I think I'm getting a little bit better."

Eddie hummed in interest, picking up a slice of toast and dunking it in. The toast was pretty burnt, and Buck wondered if that was thanks to the man's cooking skills or if it was just how he liked it.

"I really liked the texts you sent me." 

His lips pursed in surprise, chest squeezing at the compliment. Face flushed, and he dug his nails in to his leg to ground himself.

"Eat," Eddie then added, startling him in to picking up his spoon.

Buck just swirled the soup around in the bowl.

"They weren't very good," he huffed out with a self depreciating laugh.

Really they weren't. They looked completely different to what Eddie had sent afterwards. He was so dumb.

Eddie tilted his head, unimpressed. Ah, that's right, he didn't like it when he talked badly about himself.

Buck must really be getting on his nerves today.

"Last week you could just about recognise your own name, now you can already work out what letters make which sounds to form simple words. You're doing amazing, Buck, spelling will come with practice."

Amazing. Sure didn't feel like it when he was a 26 year old getting outsmarted by kindergarteners, but he glowed at the praise all the same.

He always did, always had. And Eddie's praise was especially addicting.

Buck watched Eddie eat, and upon receiving a look he made himself have a few spoonfuls too. His stomach felt like it was all twisted up inside, but it would be rude not to eat what Eddie had given him.

Eddie ate most of the toast on the plate between them, but left a few slices specifically for him. Even when Buck insisted he didn't want any, the toast remained untouched just incase he changed his mind, which was... so incredibly nice, as most things Eddie did was.

It was such a light meal for someone with such a physically demanding job, and so Buck was worried when Eddie leaned back in his chair once done, looking around the kitchen.

"Are you sure you don't want me to make you something else to eat?" 

Eddie's eyes shifted to him, and he offered a smile. The corners of his mouth were orange from the soup, and Buck wondered if he was in a similar state. 

"No, I'm exhausted. This is fine with me."

Yeah.

Yeah, Buck was pretty tired too.

So, he didn't insist. Merely forced down a few more spoonfuls of soup until he'd had what he hoped was enough to present to Eddie for inspection. 

Fortunately Eddie didn't make him finish it, and they cleaned up together.

Then they went to the bathroom to wash their faces and brush their teeth, and Eddie pulled an antiseptic cream out of the cupboard for his arms.

So, Buck had already been tearing up over the kindness of that, as he let Eddie wordlessly rub it in to his skin, touch oh so gentle. Which was why he was so quick to almost start crying when they climbed in to bed with each other, and Eddie pulled out a book from his bedside drawer, saying "It's pretty early, would you like me to read something to you? I was recommended this series as a good one for older beginners."

Instead of bursting in to tears (purely because he was already cried out by that point) he nodded several times and pulled the bedsheets up to his chest, lying on his side with half of his face hidden away so as to hide the wobbliness of his lip.

Eddie shifted closer to him, and Buck stiffened when they touched. Which was silly, considering every morning he somehow ended up on top of Eddie.

"It'll help you learn if you can follow along with me," Eddie explained of the close proximity, his cheeks turning a little pink. 

Buck relaxed, grinning at the sight of his blush, feet messing with each other beneath the sheets.

Eddie was always so quick to turn red, it was ridiculously sweet.

He nodded again, unable to get any words out because he was sure if he opened his mouth that a sob would break loose.

Because he didn't deserve this, didn't deserve to be treated this way, especially not after what he'd done that day.

But there he was, warm and comfy in Eddie's bed, instinctively curling closer to the man's side as he opened up the book and cleared his throat.

And Buck tried to focus, he really did, but truthfully the story could have been about absolutely anything. 

He was far too busy watching Eddie's lips move, and feeling the vibrations of the man's chest as he eventually rested his head there. 

Breathing in, and out, and feeling Eddie do the same. 

Listening to his voice, far more than the actual words, that pleasant steady tone.

Eddie started slurring his words about five chapters in, rubbing at his eyes every few seconds.

Buck finally peeped up seven chapters in that maybe they should read the rest tomorrow, despite desperately wanting to remain that way all night.

Eddie nodded, biting back a yawn as he closed the book and blindly set it aside, turning off the light.

Buck remained with his head on the man's chest, and Eddie didn't ask him to move.

No, instead he settled down on his back and began to thread his fingers through Buck's mess of hair.

Buck daren't move, going as still as humanly possible to not disturb the moment. 

Eventually, he couldn't help but let out a hum of content as Eddie scratched at his scalp. 

"Goodnight, Buck," Eddie whispered, his eyes fluttering shut. 

And before Buck could get a word out, the alpha was out for the count.

Buck smiled, feeling the hand in his hair going lax.

The smile quickly fell, as his thoughts caught back up to him, dragging him out of the dream like state he'd been in.

He didn't sleep a wink, far too guilt ridden over being in those gentle arms after what he'd done to dare to relax for even a second.