Archive of Our Own ^beta

Protection

"And we're back with Jane Ziegler in Vegas to report about the situation incoming there."

"Yes, Tom. It seems that a group of superheroes and magicians have decided to unite against this incredible force ravaging the city. There is no improvement so far and we're already counting a hundred deceased people since the first attack during the night."

"Thank you, Jane! We'll keep in touch with you during this crisis."

The screen behind the reporters left the hubbub going on in Las Vegas and shifted back to the usual roll of news.

"Was that Lena Luthor?"

"Yes, Katie." One of the journalists said, the screen shifting back to the images they had seen before, only stopping on a blurred black figure, distinguishing Lena during the battle. "The world has known for a long time that the last Luthor alive has magical powers but Lena Luthor is part of those retired heroes we don't hear about anymore. It's quite pleasurable to see her today in Vegas to help."

His colleague chuckled dryly. "Maybe we'll see Supergirl too today."

"Ha! Let's keep an eye out!"

Kara watched the TV news reporters talk about the situation in Vegas, praying that her wife was safe. They were too many risking their lives and she was stuck here, digging a hole in the parquetted floor because, of course, it had to be magic and she couldn't do anything against magic. She was the woman of steel but steel apparently could bend under the right spell.

This time, she wasn't the one saving the world. This time, Lena had been the one called in the middle of the night for an emergency. Kara chuckled a bit bitterly at the irony. Lena Luthor-Danvers, the last Luthor still alive, the last testimony of what the Luthor family had been, had done. The only one capable of saving them all, even if the majority still didn't trust her after all this time. The only one capable of truly hurting a Kryptonian, and still, Kara couldn't see her life without her.

"Jeju, what's happening?" Beth asked as she came down the stairs, rubbing tiredness off her half-lidded eyes.

"Nothing, just news." Kara replied, switching the channel before stretching her arms wide to invite her daughter in a hug. Beth snuggled against her, her disheveled hair smelling like Lena's since they were using the same shampoo now.

"Where's Mum?"

"She went to help on a quick job, she'll come back in a jiffy."

Beth grumbled against her but said nothing, her heart already slowing down with sleep again. Kara savored the moment, knowing how it was becoming rare for the twins to be affectionate nowadays. They were growing up too fast for their parents' liking.

"Jeju! Mum!" Liam shouted while running down the stairs, bare feet and his Nirvana shirt back to front. "Did you see the creature attacking Vegas?!" He said, putting his cellphone into Kara's eyes. "It's possessing everybody and destroying everything!"

"Yeah, we-"

Beth gasped in her arms. She pulled away from Kara to cross her arms and throw her a suspicious look. "Mum's there, isn't she?"

Kara sighed. No, they couldn't hide anything from their children. That was the number one rule in the house anyway. No lies, no secrets, just trust and communication.

"She is." Kara admitted in a whisper, raising her hands to interrupt the twins' flow of questions. "But she's with a lot of superheroes and everything will be okay."

"But it's Imbolc today!" Liam whined.

None of them seemed to question why Kara was still there herself, which was remarkable. Another question avoided. Good job, Kara.

"I know. She said she'll be there on time for tonight's traditional dinner."

Beth huffed in front of her. "No, she won't." She rolled her eyes good naturedly.

Sometimes, Kara wished their kids didn't look that much like them.

"Of course she will! Have a little faith in your mother!" She chastised.

While she was talking, Liam had switched back the TV on the news channel, bringing their attention to the terrible situation ongoing.

"It seems the creature is harder to fight than predicted." A military said on the reporter's mic. "We are using all the means at hand at the moment but we're still waiting for a special ops team to arrive on site. There's still hope. We'll fight this devil creature and win!"

"See!" Beth showed the TV in worry, her lips starting to tremble. "We'll be lucky if she comes back alive!"

"Hey!" Kara grabbed her by the shirt and brought her to her, squeezing her tight in her arms. "Your mom is powerful. Don't overthink it, she'll be fine. She's brave and can handle herself. You heard the man on TV. There's still hope. She'll be okay."

"She'll still miss the whole celebration." Liam stated, coming next to them.

Kara sighed, knowing how important it was for them to celebrate every sabbat with Lena. It was their thing. They celebrated Rao's light every Sunday morning with Kara and had their rituals planned every sabbat with Lena. But their mother being absent for the day was truly unusual and Kara understood how it was disturbing their children. It didn't mean they couldn't do it either though.

"We can start celebrating together. What's your mom's first thing to do on the Imbolc list?"

Kara already knew all of Lena's rituals. They had shared their customs while they were still both young lovers, without kids, just the two of them sharing their beliefs and their habits. Learning about each other, enjoying every little detail, loving every tiny thing they could learn more about. But Kara wanted their kids to participate in today's celebration. She wanted them to focus on a different matter than their mom risking her life fighting an evil monster a country away.

"She asks us to clean our room and tidy our closets." Liam explained.

"We make piles of toys and clothes we don't want anymore to give to charity." Beth added.

Kara smiled, recognizing Lena's touch in this. She had always wanted to give back, teaching their children to do the same. It was important for her.

"Great! Let's start with this then!"

They went their separate ways at first. Kara took care of her own room, tidying the closet and cleaning her desk in the office, leaving Lena's for her care. She didn't want to lose any important paper and receive the Luthor glare.

After two hours, the house was so calm Kara started to worry. The kids were twelve now, so they were less inclined into fighting each other for nothing but they were still pretty tame for a sabbat day. Kara searched for them in their rooms but they weren't there, only piles of clothes and books and old shoes left on the floor.

Thanks to her hearing, she went downstairs and found them in the living room watching the battle in Vegas unfold on the news, Lynxy at their feet. On the screen, the collective of superheroes and magicians was impressive, Kara could admit so. She knew some of them but she was surprised to also see unknown sigils and costumes. A pleasant surprise. Reassuring. It meant the world was in good hands after their retirement.

Sensing their worry, Kara realized she had to find a way for them to be away from the TV and their phones all day or they'd keep worrying and it wasn't good for them. For any of them. She wanted to know how Lena had been doing too but she had to have blind faith in her and Alex and Kelly and their friends. Worrying and staying in front of the TV wouldn't help. Lena and her had agreed very early about that, when Kara was still very active in her superhero job. They didn't want their children to see them bloody and battered on TV. They didn't want them to have nightmares about their Jeju being poisoned with Kryptonite or their mom being shot by another angry man who had lost his entire family because of Lex.

Kara walked in the living room, voluntarily blocking the view on the screen. "Come on, kahl. You didn't even have breakfast yet." She said, shutting the TV off and urging them towards the kitchen.

"More like a brunch now." Beth said while taking a look at the watch she inherited from Lena's personal collection.

Kara pointed an enthusiastic finger at her. "I like how you think, inah." Beth smirked and let her mother grab her by the shoulders to enter the kitchen, Liam behind them. "After that, you'll take a shower and we'll take a walk in the forest to grab some herbs for tonight."

When she arrived in Vegas, the first detail Lena remarked that told her something wasn't quite right was the special smell, the one only reserved for creatures coming straight out of Hell. The sulfur. It was flowing in the wind, attacking her nostrils, restricting her pipes.

Lena covered her mouth and nose with her scarf more tightly, wrapped herself more comfortably in her black trench coat and looked around. It was difficult not to notice the huge creature in the middle of the road. Everything was dying on its walk. The ad signs, the streetlamps, the cars' lights, all of them kept flicking on and off in a macabre rhythm. Somewhere, inside all these hotel rooms and these casinos and these restaurants and clubs, telephones were ringing incessantly. The small amount of animals was either barking, whining or fleeing.

Lena first thought it absurd for her to be called when Kara was the strongest of them both but seeing the creature – demon, possessed human? – with her own eyes and assessing the situation on Las Vegas very known main boulevard, she could understand why John Constantine had reached to her.

Constantine wasn't the type of sorcerer she liked to have in her circle. The Dark League had asked fir her to join them many times but she had stayed away from their affairs until now. Her coven of three was enough for her. Long gone was the time she was playing superhero. She two children, a wife, a family to care for. To go back to. She couldn't let demons, possessed entities or cursed people tear her away from that. From Kara and the kids. When they agreed to have children, they promised each other their kids would never see them on the new. That they would have both of their parents always with them. That they would never know what it meant to lose one of them.

And here she was, stomping over all these promises. Never work with John Constantine, checked. Never join the Dark League and their ominous business, checked. Never appear on the news for the wrong reasons and worry her family, checked.

But Lena still had one last promise to respect. Now, her only option was to go back to her family unscathed.

"Hey, there, Luthor. It's been a while."

"Constantine."

The man in his beige coat scoffed next to her, a cigarette flying from his mouth directly to the ground. It didn't bother him. Lena watched him pull his pack from his coat pocket and light a new one. He took a puff before glancing directly at her.

"What do you see?" He inquired, his face stoic, his eyes sliding towards the creature on the road.

For a instant, Lena's mind was only filled with John's haunted eyes. She had forgotten he looked so dead inside. She cleared her throat, putting her hands in her pockets.

"A demon, mostly."

He smiled, rocking from right to left. "Come on, Luthor, you can do better than that."

Lena's eyes narrowed before sliding back to the demon in the middle of the street ravaging the buildings, grabbing the close people running away. That was when she saw it. The glowing circle around what seemed to be the creature's arm.

"What is it?" She gasped.

"I don't know." Constantine shrugged. "Watch, a wristband, a diamond ring turned into a wristband. Probably something cursed. An old relic."

"How did it arrive here?"

Constantine extended his arms wide. "Look around! You have the answer. We're in the city where everything is possible, where everyone has something to swap for money."

"What, you think it's an object someone put on the table to play one more round of poker?"

Lena wondered for a second how a simple innocent object could turn this badly but quickly realized they didn't have time to ponder.

"Or blackjack, I don't know. But it's not good." Constantine winced while looking back at the road, his cigarette consuming itself.

Lena huffed. "No kidding. And why would I be more capable than any other superheroes to get rid of it?" She motioned around them to the heroes and sorcerers flying around, rescuing people, putting blocks of concrete out of the way?

Lena had recognized Dr Fate and his golden helmet in the crowd. Wonder Woman, a close friend, was also in attendance but she didn't have the time to say hi. One of the unknown caped superheroes and a new Green Lantern were helping Zatana push the creature away to avoid it walking towards them and destroying the entirety of the street in its wake. The damage had already been enough. There were so many of them and still, Lena was sure there was at least one that was more powerful than her. Probably more than one even.

"You see, Little Luthor," Lena retained a scowl. It had been a long time since she had been the little Luthor. "You have something nobody has in this group." She cocked a puzzled eyebrow at him. "You have Irish blood."

He said it as if it would enlighten her but it didn't. She crossed her arms and planted her cold green eyes on him.

"Can you develop?"

He smirked. "Irish blood has something other European or American breed don't have. Immunity to the demons' curses."

Lena had to admit she hadn't expected that one. With her coven, she had only faced lost souls and helped them cross over. Never once had she faced a demon or practiced an exorcism. It was a too-difficult type of magic to try in her mind. With too high stakes. But if it was true, if Constantine wasn't exaggerating – which was nearly impossible to think when you knew the pragmatic man as well as she did – then it made all the Dark League's attempts at recruiting her clearer.

"You know about their curses, right?" Constantine asked since she hadn't replied.

"Of course," She confirmed quickly. "It's linked to their Hell circle." Constantine nodded but didn't interrupt. "If the damned-soul-turned-demon was a thief, following the eighth circle rules, the people approaching him would turn into snakes and attack each other."

Constantine's face scrunched up in disgust at hearing her put it lightly. "Yeah, more like eating each other out until they vanish into dust to shift back into another snake in an infinite circle."

Lena frowned, looking worriedly at the contained demon a mile away from them, still whining and groaning. The ad panels and some garbage from bins were now flying in a little tornado around it, contained behind an invisible wan, thanks to Zatana's powers. She wouldn't be able to last an eternity though. In contrast to their enemy, she was well alive and so her energy was diminishing.

"And what is this one's curse?" Lena asked tentatively. She had a doubt she'd like the answer.

She wasn't even sure she believed in Heaven and Hell, her own religion being what she wanted to believe in, whether it was an old pagan goddess or a new angel born from contemporary belief. And living with an alien, being aware of the infinity of the Universe didn't help in believing in any deity anyway. If there was Heaven and Hell, did it mean it was only on Earth or did it exist on other planets? If there was Heaven and Hell on Krypton, did it mean Kara's family and childhood friends' souls had been deported to Earth's Heaven or Hell? Were there all linked or separated? And since this Earth was full of aliens from different planets, did it welcome them when they died or were they deported back to the heavens and hells of their planets? So many questions unanswered, so many conundrums her scientific mind didn't like to think about.

"Well, Little Luthor, that is your job to discover and maybe then, I'll be able to find how to fight it."

Lena's frown deepened. She swallowed hard, knowing she'd have to face this thing sooner or later. She couldn't back down now, right? She had agreed to come and help.

"But how will we know since I am immune to it? I won't be affected."

"You are immune but you won't go there alone. You'll be the only one able to get closer, see the effects and come back to attest of it."

Lena's stomach churned on the news. They'd have to sacrifice some of their own, innocent people to defeat this thing. And she'd have to watch them die to know how to beat it. She threw another worried, borderline-panicked, glance at the demon and the situation over there, already dreading the mission that was now her own.

And for the first time - but not the last - since she had arrived in Vegas, she hoped she had taken Kara with her.

Hope

Kara didn't need the news on TV to know what was happening on the other side of the ocean. She didn't need their neighbor's TV broadcast two miles away to know that Lena wasn't doing well. She could hear her wife's heartbeat skyrocketing since she had put foot on the American soil. Kara had eavesdropped on the whole conversation Lena had with Constantine and since then, she hadn't been able to swallow the ball of stress stuck in the middle of her throat.

She was thankful that their children's powers didn't expand like hers did. It stopped them from worrying like she was. On the verge of panicking, even. What was she supposed to do if something happened to Lena? She couldn't live without her. What was she supposed to tell the kids? Was she supposed to just stay there and wait or go rescue her wife, risking her own life, risking their children being orphaned to save Lena?

That was why they weren't doing things like that anymore. Going on a mission. Saving the world. Because the world didn't know Lena Luthor and Supergirl had kids together. It knew Lena Luthor had given birth to twins, knew she was married. It didn't know to whom though. The world didn't know that every time they were on a mission together, they were risking their family's peace and safety.

"Jeju, your breathing is disturbing."

Kara opened one eye to look at Beth in front of her. "Sorry." She whispered half-heartedly.

Meditation had never seemed cool to her. Lena loved it, thrived during it. Kara had lost her interest in it after she had seen her planet explode and spent twenty Earth years in a pod wondering why her god wasn't rescuing her. After the first year, her teenage mind had been tired of meditating on the question. Instead, she had accepted the only response she had found, that Rao had to have exploded with Krypton, and she had moved on.

Since then, meditation had been part of her newly found beliefs, shared with Lena from time to time, but alone too, while trying to reconnect with her former religion. But Kara was never the type of person to stay still and focus on her breathing. Especially when her loved ones were at risk.

"I'm good, I'll go by the forest and practice my flight." Liam said at some point, scrambling up, dusting off his light duffle coat before heading towards the forest by the end of their garden with Lynxy behind him.

"Careful not to go too high." Kara said unnecessarily.

She heard Liam reply under his breath. The twins knew the risks of being discovered as aliens nowadays. It wasn't that the phobia towards their species hadn't diminished with time but Kryptonians in particular, and their capacities risked more than others. Because Kal and Kara had decided to be superheroes. As flag bearers of their people, but also as representatives of the first aliens landing on Earth, and most powerful of them all, they had gathered quite a lot of enemies. Involuntary attraction. Which couldn't be good for two twelve years old who could barely defend themselves.

So the rules were strict. No flying above the trees' peak of the forest. No use of powers at school or outside of their house. No use of powers against each other. Kara and Lena thought they had anticipated everything but didn't exclude adding more rules to those three.

"Jeju?"

Kara opened her eyes, startled. Beth was looking at her curiously, a hand on her mother's shoulder. Kara looked down and realized she was floating, which wasn't happening usually, unless she was deep in thought. Which couldn't be a good sign to her children with knowledge of Lena's situation now.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes!" Kara replied immediately. She realized too late that what she thought to be reassuring was exactly the contrary. Beth's face softened. She pulled away, putting her hands in her coat's pockets.

"Mum will be alright, don't worry. She's confident in her success. I feel it."

Kara's eyes traveled on her daughter's face. Their children didn't have powers as expanded as hers but their magic was always so sensitive. Lena sometimes talked about how the twins' magic influenced the coven's pool of energy. Florence had even said their children had a rare connection with nature and were destined to grand things. It shouldn't surprise Kara that Beth was able to sense Lena even an ocean away but it still did. She was still being mesmerized by the twins' magic every time they would use it in front of her.

"Come on," Beth extended a hand, more for show than anything else. "We're missing on the fun."

Kara smiled softly and took her hand. They headed towards Liam who was flying slowly above Lynxy who was trying to catch him, his giggles reverberating against the wood of the trees. Beth ran to join them quicker and started to float in the middle of the trip. The sun had finally decided to grace them and Kara remarked how that image was stunning.

Beth's blonde hair had turned golden with the sun. The wind of February was making it flow around her face, forcing her to brush it away at times. Kara stayed on the ground, watching them play with each other, knowing they just wanted to show the other how long they could stay in the air. And just there, in the middle of their garden, she realized that she wouldn't trade this life for the superhero one she had before.

"Jeju, what's the exercise?" Liam shouted from above.

Kara smirked at him. He needed to improve. To learn. Always.

"What about going through the forest as fast as you can without hitting a tree?"

Both Liam and Beth stopped in front of her, a few feet above the ground, in disbelief. It was against the rules. No speed while flying. But Kara was a bit against this one. How were they supposed to learn to use their quick instincts without using them?

"Only three chances each and then you'll show me how many mushrooms you can find in record times."

Two grins spread on innocent faces. Kara smiled as she watched them pause in between trees in the air, challenge in their eyes, knowing their eagerness to be able to use fully their powers for once.

"I'll wait for you on the other side. Be careful though. I can't repair trees like I fix Liam's door the other day."

They didn't reply. Instead, they squealed when Kara started to run through the forest without warning. She looked and saw their delighted, competitive face, both focused on the task and laughed out loud. If they didn't have the expand of hers or Lena's powers, they sure had inherited their competition instinct.

"Gosh, these things aren't getting better with age." John grumbled as he dusted off his coat. Lena did the same, finding a hole in her jeans thanks to her fall when the demon had projected them away.

"Great." She huffed to herself.

This whole situation was getting to her nerves. They had lost a lot of people in their first attempt. It was a problem in itself – Lena thanked whoever was up there for the fact that Alex and Kelly had been called elsewhere because she wouldn't have borne the consequences if something had happened to them. The deaths could have been their only problem if only the dead would stay dead. They didn't. It was the demon's curse. He had to come from the last circle of Hell, the one dedicated to traitors of all kinds. Murderers.

All the demon's victims were coming back to life to haunt him and everybody around. To devour everything possible. This was a nightmare. Lena repressed the bile to go up her throat. This was worse than a nightmare. This was Hell walking on Earth.

"I'm telling you, I'm getting too old for these things."

Lena couldn't agree more. At least there were people rising to the challenge. A new generation of heroes. She would have liked to avoid coming here. The horrid smell of sulfur was getting to her head, sticking to her clothes. She had seen too many people die for one lifetime and she was missing her family very much. Even more in consequence. And she was so fed up with hearing Constantine's little comments here and there as if the situation wasn't affecting him. Her patience was wearing thin. It was becoming harder for her to contain her rage.

"What's in it for you anyway?" She asked with frustration. "You never do anything if it's not for your own benefit!"

"Ha!" Constantine laughed dryly while pointing a finger and thumb at her. "See, Lena, that's where you're wrong! I learned my lesson. If I want to go to Heaven, I need to do this right."

Lena frowned, remembering the rumors about him. About his story. How he became the only man with a stage three lung cancer defying all the statistics and living as long as a healthy forty-year-old man. Because, apparently, he had already been dead. For two minutes. And then he came back. His soul was already damned because he attempted suicide. Rumors had it that, because of that, he was cursed to live with his illness, never fully recovering from it, always suffering, but never dying completely either, paying his debts by helping souls cross over. Or annihilating demons. Deporting them back to Hell.

Lena wasn't sure if she believed those rumors. What she knew was that she couldn't feel John's energy as she could feel the others', living ones. Those who were alive. He didn't have this aura around him like others. There was no magic pulsing through him. Just a full, plain black hole in the shape of a human being. Like an empty shell, already erased from their world, its image already anchored to a spot in Hell with John Constantine's name on it.

"So, you're telling me you're doing all this to help people?"

"Yes! And also, to recruit you but you know, it's just a one-stone-two-birds thing." He shrugged.

She shook her head, not even disappointed because she expected it.

"It's a one-time thing." She stated.

"That's what they all say."

Lena turned around hastily and stopped him with an icy glare. "Okay, listen to me closely because I won't repeat myself." The CEO in her said. "I don't like your business. I don't like your team. I don't like the reasons behind your team's actions and I will never give up on my family's peace to travel the world and practice exorcism with your little group of junkies."

This last word had been full of judgement. John smirked widely at her, impressed enough not to open his mouth for once but not enough to challenge her with his eyes.

"Is that clear?" She inquired, eyebrow raised, jaw tight.

John's smirk widened. "Crystal."

"Good. Now let's find how to kick this demon's ass so that I can go back to Ireland and celebrate Imbolc with my kids and some crepes and cider."

"Wow! Your life is so much better than our junky ones!" John commented. She threw him a poisoned glare. He snorted but raised two hands in surrender. "Too soon for the jokes. Got it!"

Lena rolled her eyes and kept walking towards Dr Fate who was waiting for them on a pile formed by two broken cars and a light board flashing Luxor in big neon letters.

Rebirth

Lena landed on the terrace in Ireland and breathed in profoundly. Only a day and she had already missed the smell of pines. Of food cooking through the chimney. Of herbs growing in their garden. Of her home. She breathed in and out a couple of times, the frosty weather entering her lungs and freezing everything inside. Proving to herself she was still well alive.

What a day it had been. It was this kind of day that seemed to have lasted a couple more than that. Lena sometimes thought she had had multiple, different lives already. With all their adventures. There was a before and an after National City for sure. A before and after Kara Danvers. A before and after Kara Zor-El. A before and after motherhood.

She had spent the day wondering why she had accepted this stupid mission but now that she was home, she might have an answer to that. She hadn't missed the excitement of going on a mission. The challenge to find a solution, coupling science with magic to beat their enemy. No, it wasn't something she missed because she was already enough challenged at work with the Foundation. No, what she had missed was the sense of purpose.

Kara and her knew why they didn't risk their life anymore. Because of their family. But what had never occurred to them, it seemed, was that they had done it first for their family too. Kara hadn't decided to become a superhero just to prove that she was stronger than anyone else or to represent a whole generation of newly landed aliens. No, she had become Supergirl to save Alex. It had been her only purpose that day.

And Lena, well. She discovered her powers very late but had never stopped using her mind to create a cure. For cancer. Because Lionel had died from it and, in her very naïve, very young and inexperienced mind, she had loved him enough that his death was unbearable so she had had to find a solution.

Their acts of heroism had never been just that. Just to prove that they could do it. No, it had always been to save something close, to prevent them from being hurt. From losing them. It had always been pushed by grief and former loss and abandonment fear.

So, Lena had the answer now. She might have accepted that mission so that her children stayed safe. So that she could protect them a bit more by using her powers than by staying on the side, watching others do it. Now that she knew it couldn't have been done without her, which was still quite hard to believe, she was glad she had gone to Vegas and saved the day. It had been worth it. The risk of never seeing their children for ever had been worth it. At least she knew it was a little bit safer now.

"No, Beth! Not in the eyes!"

Lena's smile grew as she approached the bay window and heard the commotion inside. The night had fallen already but she was still coming home in time to prepare dinner and have fun with her children.

"Hey, you're home!" Kara exclaimed as she closed the bay window and removed her coat. It was surprising she hadn't heard her arrive.

"Mum!" Two young heads ran to her and in no time, she was circled by not two but three pairs of strong arms.

"I missed you, my loves." Lena kissed Beth's head first, then Liam's, then kissed Kara soundly on the lips.

"We were so worried!" Liam whined.

"No, you were. I knew she was going to beat the monster's ass." Beth smirked next to him.

"Language!" Kara and Lena chastised at the same time.

"Did you help making it explode?" Beth asked with a glint of curiosity in her eyes that looked too much like Kara's when pot-stickers were involved.

Lena chuckled as they all pulled away. "I did. It was a mess but thankfully, nobody's injured."

Her smile was half there. It wasn't entirely true. They had lost some people. Some young heroes that still had a lot to do in this world. She shared a knowing look with Kara. Her wife nodded silently. It was a conversation for later.

"So, how's dinner prep' going? Did you get all the herbs and mushrooms like usual?" She asked as she went to the sink to wash her hands.

It was enough to get the kids started on their day tale. It was short lived though because, in her enthusiasm while retelling what they did during the day, Beth projected flour all over her brother's face. The room stopped breathing. And then the scowl on Liam's face shifted and became a smirk. In two quick motions, he had gathered flour in his hand and planted it all over Beth's face. Kara looked at Lena with disbelief, not knowing if they should stop them or encourage them. Lena decided for them both. She took the pack of flour and took two fists of it before throwing it to Kara so she could arm herself too.

Five minutes later, they were all ghostly faces and panting breathing on the kitchen flour and stool. In their fight, Kara had grabbed Lena by the waist to stop her attacks but they had slipped on some egg stuck on the floor and fell in a laughing pile in the middle of the kitchen. Lynxy was licking the bay window to be left inside. He wanted to play in the flour too, the fool, but Kara and Lena knew they shouldn't leave him inside in these conditions.

"What a day." Lena said, deep in thought as her eyes traveled over the ceiling's wooden beams.

"Now, you can all clean this mess." Kara said next to her with a smile in her voice, the twins whining from the stool.

"You participated too."

Kara raised a single finger. "Only because you attacked me!"

"Hum. You weren't that hard to convince."

"Mum, can we have crepes for dinner like last year?" Liam asked from his stool, his jet black hair now more grey than anything, making him look older.

Lena turned her head to look at Kara who was already grinning. In this house, Kara wasn't the one deciding about food because they would all be eating junk food five days a week and would benefit no one. So Lena was the boss in the kitchen.

"If you put mushrooms and ham, it's balanced." Kara said to weigh in the balance.

Lena snorted. "Mushrooms aren't vegetable, darling." Kara frowned. "But it's a good idea." She said while standing up and dusting off. "We should all clean up before cooking though."

She saw Beth cross her arms and already know that she'd have something to say to that.

"We were fine until you came back." It was playful. A gentle reminder that Lena wasn't there all day. A way to tell her she was missed.

Lena cocked an eyebrow. "Do you want me to go back?"

Beth's face was torn between smiling and scrunching up. Liam shove her with his socked foot, motioning with his chin for his sister to apologize or at least reassure their mom. Beth scowled at him but it melted away once she met Lena's eyes.

"Of course not." She shook her head. "Imbolc isn't the same without you though."

Lena crossed the distance to take her in her arm, flour on the clothes and all. Beth buried her head in her mother's torso, making Lena's arms tighten around her.

"I know, love. I promise it's the first and the last time."

Beth raised her chin to meet her mother's loving eyes with her own shiny ones. They didn't need words. Lena felt all the worry drifting away from her daughter. Beth always tried to look strong and stoic, just like Lena, maybe to compensate her brother's emotional nature, maybe because she thought her mothers wanted her that way, but she was a sweetheart. A tiny little human with deep feelings and a sensitive heart.

Lena tried to communicate her apology through her eyes, through the energy coursing between them. She caressed her daughter's soft cheek, tried to reassure her. She knew now why she had accepted the mission. And she also knew why it would be the only time. She wouldn't bear see that tone of worry in her family's eyes.

Behind them, Kara cleared her throat. "We'll get everything cleaned up while you take a shower."

"Why? Do I smell that bad?" Lena smirked seeing her children's scrunched up face. Her eyes fell back on Beth who was the only one honest enough to tell the truth. The smirk was on her face the reflection of her own.

"Well, not that you smell bad but…" Liam started.

"You smell like a cemetery." Beth finished.

Lena snorted, images of corpses growing back to life haunting her joyous thoughts. Her smile faltered.

"You're right." She smiled anyway, putting up a face. "I'll go take a shower. Help Jeju clean this mess."

Beth pulled away and went directly to the sink, joining Liam in cleaning the worktop. It quickly turned into a water fight too. Lena was rolling her eyes when she felt a hand at her lower back.

"Go relax a beat. I'll take care of it." Kara whispered before kissing her temple.

"Thanks." Lena replied but stayed against her. She realized she wasn't thanking her just for that. "For everything. For today."

Kara hummed against her. "It's nothing. I'm glad you're safe."

"Me too. Love you"

Kara kissed her deeply, her own worry dissipating as she breathed out through her nose. Lena kissed her one last time when she tried to pull away then walked out of the kitchen after Kara had shoved her away with a tap on the butt, stating she stank.

A few minutes later, under the shower stream, Lena reviewed her day, the events floating in her mind one after the other in a succession of uncomfortable images. During all their adventures, she had seen terrible things, had witnessed incredible prowess but also been there to see their most loved ones sacrifice themselves for justice. It all had left some traces. Scars. Invisible. Mentally unbearable sometimes. But there. Like an old never recovering broken bone. Making its presence known only when similar events happened.

Lena had already dealt with her own scars. Her own traumas. Kelly had annoyed her to do so after the whole dream like session they all experienced in J'onn's Martian ship. She had followed two entire years of therapy to be free from her mother's death, from the Luthors' grip and Lilian's mistreatment traumas. It had been easier to deal with the other difficult events after that. Like Kara almost dying during Darkseid's war. But it would never ease the pain of witnessing someone dying. And she had seen a lot of them in one day.

She hated herself a bit for it, but she felt relieved that she hadn't been the one to die. That she had been able to come back to her family. It was selfish. She hated it. Despised it with her own heart. But she would accept to be selfish for her family. Because never in her life she wanted to see that look again on Beth's face. Never again she wanted to think about the possibility of her mother never coming back. It was too painful for Lena to imagine. Her children's grieving faces. Kara's deserted blue eyes. No, Lena knew the feeling too well. I learned it too early in her life to want that for them.

There, under water, rubbing her skin off the dust and the smell of the people that had to die for them to continue living, Lena promised herself that she would never accept such a suicidal mission again. Not only to protect herself from reopening her deepest scar each time she'd looked at her children but also to avoid them knowing what such pain could do to the heart. Because nobody deserved to experience a feeling as terrible as the one of losing a parent.

"A lot of people were killed today."

"I know."

Lena pulled slightly away from Kara to look at her quizzically, the sheets falling back on their arms.

"I've heard." Kara added with a grimace. "Nothing was your fault."

"I know." Lena whispered, her voice breaking on the last word. "Doesn't make it easier."

"If it comforts you, it'd be worst if you hadn't been there."

Lena sighed. "Doesn't help either. I'm glad to be home though. I kept thinking about you three here. How you'd react if I didn't come back."

Kara winced. She had avoided the subject all day, confining it in a corner in her head, forbidding herself to think about the devastation on her children's face or the devastation in her heart, if something that terrible would happen to their family.

"I'd lose my mind." She whispered against Lena's hair, deep in thought.

Lena turned around in her arms, cupping her face with soft hands. "Hey, I'm right here." She said gently, her thumbs caressing Kara's cheeks. "And I won't go anywhere anyway soon. This life isn't for me anymore."

"It's not our thing anymore." Kara agreed. "I'm glad you're home too. I missed you. We missed you."

"I've missed you all too." Lena leaned forward to kiss Kara's lips with care, hoping all the love she was grateful for was being transmitted through it, sending it directly to Kara's already scarred heart. "I love you, darling."

"I love you too. Please, never go away again." Kara said as she buried herself against Lena.

Lena smiled softly and cuddled closer to her. "I need to go to work though."

Kara hummed against her, a smirk playing on her lips. "Nope, you'll never leave this bed, ever again."

"Well, if it's not Sam barging in here to see why I'm not answering her phone calls, our children would probably do it anyway."

"They'll just have to stay here too. We'll make a fort and nothing would disturb us again."

Lena sighed contentedly. "I wish." The seriousness of Kara's feelings didn't escape her though. She pulled away to meet Kara's eyes. "More seriously, I promise you that won't happen again."

Kara was already shaking her head. "You can't promise that. You did what you had to. You saved the day and a lot of people out there."

"You could have lost me. I could have lost you." Lena said pointedly, searching Kara's avoiding eyes. She wasn't saying it to hurt her. It was supposed to make her talk.

Kara sighed heavily, the sadness spreading on her face as the images were already forming in her mind. Lena recognized the preoccupied look, the ghostly, inhabited eyes. Kara had lost many people. Too many to count. Enough for her to fear losing her close ones again. Enough for her to have nightmares of Lena dying when they had just started dating. Enough for her to break up that one time because losing her then was less difficult than losing her years after, in her imagination.

Lena knew that look from that time. She had seen it numerous times, after every assassination attempt and barely successful rescue. It was always the same look. Unresolved grief. Fear of abandonment. Deep pain and nostalgia of lost memories mixing up with new, happy ones.

Thankfully, she knew now, after fifteen years of marriage, that she couldn't make that look disappear, but she could ease it. She could show Kara that she was there for good. That she wasn't going anywhere.

Lena cupped Kara's face once again and planted her eyes in hers. "I won't accept another suicidal mission like this one ever again. Do you hear me? Our family is too important."

"But you're helping people. That counts too." Kara's broken voice contradicted.

"Yeah, but they have enough caped crusaders for that. They don't need me. You need me more."

Kara expelled a sigh of relief, her shoulders sagging as she finally seemed to believe her. Lena leaned forward until their foreheads met.

"Now I know what you were feeling every time I'd go fight some rogue alien and come back two days later."

Lena snorted, memories of numerous arguments and fights flowing in her mind from the times Kara was still Supergirl and risking her life while Lena had to wait at home in their first apartment, biting her nails. Waiting. Always waiting. That had been her own circle of Hell.

They had found compromises though. Lena engineered a new, safer suit for Kara to ease her mind and Kara decided to let the newbies take care of National City's streets while she only intervened for the highest threats. Like Darkseid making his comeback only a year after they'd entered their relationship or another dimension Lena Luthor attacking them while they were on honeymoon.

"Hey, do you remember that island we went to for our honeymoon?"

Kara scoffed, still not over it. "You mean the island that was almost destroyed by your alter ego?"

Lena winced. "Still not me, by the way."

Kara chuckled. "I know, babe. Yeah, of course I remember. Why?"

"We never went back." Lena said pensively.

"You didn't but I did." Lena pulled away, intrigued. "I went back to help fix the damage." Kara scrunched up her face guiltily. "With your credit card." She admitted lastly.

It made a huge laugh escape from Lena's throat. She had seen the money transfers but had totally forgotten about it until now.

"Now I remember. Did you fix everything?"

"Everything." Kara confirmed proudly. "I even added a massage bathtub in the master bedroom in that tiny hut."

Lena smirked, reminiscing of the hut they had rented on the island, away from the little village there, only for them to enjoy.

"Would it be farfetched to take the kids and go there? Show them this part of our story."

Kara's smile lit her face. She leaned to kiss her softly. Lovingly. "We could, but are you sure you want the kids there?" She asked suggestively.

Lena rolled her eyes but smiled, knowing Kara wasn't entirely serious. They had had a great time there, innuendos included, and she wouldn't be totally opposed to doing that again since they had been interrupted the first time but she also wanted to share this with their children. She wanted their family reunited.

"I think we can let them go to Alex and Kelly's for a weekend and escape in Paris or Roma but for the island, I was thinking a week away during the next school break. Just the four of us. What do you think?"

Kara pressed them closer and buried her nose in Lena's neck. "I think this is a hell of an idea."

Lena paused, her hands coming to her wife's shoulders then exploded in laughter. "That was terrible."

Kara looked at her confused, her lips stretching in a knowing smile, shushing her so that they didn't wake up the kids.

"Not so bad. You're tearing up." Kara chuckled, kissing her cheek.

"That's tiredness." Lena said, trying to find an explanation. Kara's only response was a snort.

Lena cuddled closer, kissing her aw and diving into her arms' warmth. If fearing to lose Kara, pacing their living room, biting her nails while her stomach was doing somersaults was her own personal Hell, this, right there, confined in Kara's arms in their family house, was her own little Heaven. And she would do anything to protect it.