Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kayo hates the Chaos Crew from the moment she meets them.

It’s clear they’re working with her uncle – the man who has hurt her and her family again and again and again, who slips from her grasp every time she thinks she’s about to finally catch him – which does not endear her to them, of course, but it’s not the only contributing factor. The main thing that makes her hate them is just how much they live up to their name. They cause mayhem, create chaos, with seemingly no regard for what they damage or blow up or destroy. Or who gets caught in the crossfire. She sees the aftermath of their efforts time and again, helps to counter corrupt computer codes and put out fires and clear rubble more times than she can count, before she ever meets the duo that caused it.

Then, finally, their paths cross.

Havoc is irritatingly almost as good as Kayo at what she does, armed to the teeth with ingenius tech that throws Kayo off more than she’d ever admit. She’s strong, too: at least six foot of pure muscle, enhanced by whatever hydraulic systems are embedded in her suit, with barbed insults and glares like daggers to match. If they weren’t enemies, Kayo would be envious of her strength, her agility, her quick wit and brilliant tactics. But they are, and she’s not.

That first time they fight, Havoc almost outsmarts Kayo. almost. But Kayo wins, she catches her, and the Chaos Crew are finally under wraps.

Until that ginger idiot from the GDF and his useless cronies let her escape, and they’re all back to square one.

Kayo spends more time than she’d care to admit chasing down every possible lead on the chaos crew she can find. Her brothers check in on her every now and again, making sure she doesn’t overwork herself (it’s par for the course in the Tracy household; the whole family hands round obsessive self-neglect and mother-hen duties respectively like it’s pass the parcel) but they’re all pretty stressed and overworked anyway, because of all the extra rescues they’re being called on, and the more work she puts in the less they’ll have to do. So she doesn’t give up. Every time her investigation helps the GDF disrupt the Chaos Crew’s plans, aKyo feels a flare of smug satisfaction at the thought of Havoc’s brilliant blue eyes narrowing, her porcelain complexion going red with rage.

The next time she runs into Havoc, they beat the shit out of each other.

They end up in a chemical factory, surrounded on all sides by flammable substances that would turn them both into human torches in a second if any of it ignited, so they have no choice but to stash their stun weapons and grenades and use their fists instead. It’s like a fucked up dance, almost; they trade blows, bobbing and weaving, and Havoc’s got an advantage thanks to her armour that leaves Kayo with a broken nose and a map of bruises all over her abdomen, but in return Havoc gets a black eye and a split lip and a dislocated shoulder on top of all the bruises, so Kayo thinks she did pretty well.

Havoc winks at her just before the ceiling collapses between them, pearly white teeth stained red from all the blood but still stretching into a maniacal smile. Kayo runs for her life to avoid getting blown to pieces as the liquid starts to ignite and doesn’t think about it until late that night when she’s been locked in the infirmary by Grandma. Havoc’s face flashes into her mind in the darkness, and her blood boils.

Then, Gordon gets hurt.

Kayo hadn’t thought it was possible to hate the Chaos Crew – and her uncle – any more than she already does. Boy, was she wrong. She’s calm for the hospital visit (of course she is, her whole family is barely clinging on and she can compartmentalise better than most, so she locks everything away and helps hold their broken pieces together) but when she gets home she screams and punches things in the gym until her knuckles bleed and her voice gives out. Then she goes and hides with Brains. The two of them have always had that kind of unspoken understanding between them, and he doesn’t question her bandaged hands and rasping words.

Her own uncle has stepped over the final line. And sure, he was the one who probably gave all the orders, but the Chaos Crew helped him do it. Gordon hadn’t even been anywhere near them, for fuck’s sakes. He’d been trying to rescue a robot, because his heart’s always been too big for his chest even for a hunk of metal that’s not even sentient.

(Of course, he ends up saving so much more than just a robot, but at the time she doesn’t know that yet.)

So Kayo redoubles her efforts. Sleepless nights, hours of scouring the trenches of the web, countless raids on the hood’s old hideouts. She does take care of herself somewhat, letting her brothers distract her with their antics – and besides, she’ll never be as bad as Scott, whose anger and desperation at the thought of his father trapped in space simmers constantly under the surface like an active volcano and who cannot be trusted alone with the Mechanic once they rescue him.

(That’s another event that nearly tips her over the edge. The Chaos Crew almost kill the Mechanic – his real name is Isaiah, she later finds out – again, under the Hood’s orders, but still. The man had once been one of their own. She simply can’t understand it.)

There is one thing, of course, that doesn’t quite seem to fit with their usual modus operandi. The incident at the nuclear power plant. Scott said that Fuse had all the time in the world to get clear of the site with his prize – he had it literally within his grasp – and yet he chose to go back, save Scott and the other two people trapped, leaving behind the one thing he’d been after in the first place. Having seen her uncle not get his own way before, having been on the receiving end of that anger, Kayo knows that it can’t have been an easy thing for Fuse to do. Maybe the Chaos Crew have consciences after all. But then again, she was there as Havoc so callously condemned the Mechanic to death. The two events contradict each other so drastically. Maybe it’s a difference between the two siblings, she reasons. Maybe Fuse is being dragged along by his sister’s bloodlust. Kayo doesn’t know, and she doesn’t have the willpower to find out. It’s more important to put a stop to their crimes altogether than do some psycho-bullshit analysis of their motives.

Her first understanding of the Chaos crew dawns during one of her late-night chats with the Mechanic, when he is elbow-deep in the guts of the Zero-XL and she’s handing the tools he needs into oil-stained fingers like a scrub nurse in an operating theatre.

“He’s still in my head, you know,” Isaiah says off-handedly, “even now that Brains has gotten the chip out. I don’t think he’ll ever leave.”

Kayo knows the feeling. She has never been subject to her uncle’s mind technology, and yet every single thing he’s done to her, everything he’s said, remains imprinted on her very being. She thinks that if you opened her up, you would be able to see his dirty fingerprints smeared all over her insides from where he’s reached right in and poked and prodded everywhere until it hurts. She spends every day trying to convince herself that she’s better than him. That if she opened her veins, it would be her own blood that runs through them and not his. That she isn’t corrupted by the sin of bearing the family bond to him that she does.

“He has a way of getting under people’s skin,” Kayo agrees, and thinks that that’s putting it lightly. But she’s never been one to say her true feelings out loud, not to people she doesn’t trust implicitly. The Mechanic isn’t one of those people quite yet.

“I just don’t understand how anyone could work for a snake like him,” she says instead – which is true, of course. There’s no way to trust a man like the Hood, even if you’re in the crime business already, and his constant efforts to destroy a non-profit rescue organisation must be repulsive to some of them at least.

“I do,” Isaiah says quietly. Her head whips round.

“But you didn’t have a choice! he was torturing you,” She says indignantly. “Of course you did what you did - you had to.”

“But i wasn’t. Not in the beginning.” At her silence, he continues. “People get desperate. Life can be cruel, and the Hood provides security for the people that work for him. Money, food, shelter. And sometimes his workers feel like they have something to prove. They’re angry at something or other because of the shit life’s dealt them. He can be vicious – “ he glances at Kayo knowingly- “I don’t have to tell you that. But he can be kind too. In the beginning he seems like a saint rather than a devil. You and I got out, but there’s plenty working for him now who aren’t so lucky.”

And she hates how right he is.

Of course her uncle is capable of manipulating people like that. In another life, she could see herself being desperate and lonely enough to fall for it too. It’s not a leap to guess that the Chaos Crew feel like their only choice is to stick with the Hood. It’s clear they feel like they have something to prove, and it’s clear too that they want to keep each other safe.

Kayo leaves and heads into the gym, choosing her most intensive workout in an attempt to stave off the thoughts. It was much easier when she just hated them.

Her uncle continues to ruin everything – of course he does. They’re launching the Zero-XL when the alert goes off, and she has to head back to the island because her most important job is keeping the Tracy family safe and she’s not going to abandon their home to whatever intruders are threatening it. (She ignores the tiny voice that whispers that she didn’t belong on that ship anyway, that Jeff Tracy will only want to see his flesh and blood. That he was never her father, not really.) It turns out to be the Chaos Crew once again, obviously. And this time, finally, they manage to capture both of them.

Grandma Tracy says some interesting things to Fuse (Clarence, apparently; Kayo gets why he chooses to go by his much cooler pseudonym) while they fight. It’s never been clearer to Kayo just how much he’s hated working for the Hood this whole time. The poor boy has a solid moral compass, and all along he’s been struggling between doing what’s right and facing the wrath of her own uncle. Havoc, meanwhile, seems much angrier, but she at least cares about her brother. Kayo can understand that a little, she supposes.

They both wind up in prison anyhow.

Colonel Casey keeps her updated on the fates of all three of them (because her Uncle was found stowed away on the Zero-XL, making one final attempt to ruin Jeff Tracy’s life) and it’s a good distraction from everything going on at home. Kayo feels a little left out of all the hubbub – Jeff isn’t her father, after all; the man who claims that title finally returns to Tracy Island not for his own child but for his old best friend – and when Kyrano walks into the den for the first time in eight years she walks out of it and down into the hangar and climbs into shadow, and before she knows it she’s flown to His Majesty’s Prison, Bronzefield, Surrey.

For some reason, Havoc lets her visit. Or Heather, as Kayo should say, because she has to request to see her using her legal name. It feels so oddly disjointed from the angry woman Kayo knows; she feels a little bad that she’d laughed when she first found out.

“What do you want?” Havoc bites out when they come face-to-face, but it’s less venomous than every other time Kayo’s spoken to her. They’ve been given a private meeting room; something about flight risk, Kayo doesn’t bother to find out any more than that. She looks strange without her black eyeshadow, her eyes instead framed with dark smudges that are clearly a result of a lack of good sleep.

“I don’t know,” Kayo says honestly. Havoc scoffs.

“Then why the fuck did you request to see me?”

“Why did you let me?” Kayo counters, and Havoc pauses for a moment. She seems genuinely to struggle for an answer.

“Because no one else has asked to,” she says eventually. “I s’ppose I’m just bored.”

Kayo nods, satisfied with that answer for the moment. “I guess it’s a little pointless asking how you’re doing,” she says, raising an eyebrow, and Havoc huffs a laugh.

“Take a wild fucking guess,” she announces, spreading her arms wide and flipping off the prison guard who glares at her as she does so. “It could be worse. I’ve been catching up on some reading with all the wonderful free time i’ve got.” The sarcasm drips from her voice like acid. “Not that you care.”

“No, I don’t,” Kayo agrees. She feels a little bad about saying it, but she still hates Havoc – though it’s a little more difficult to do so when she’s out here and Havoc is trapped in prison, all alone. Which is why—

“D'you want me to tell anything to Fuse?” she asks, and almost immediately regrets it.

Havoc’s eyes widen. “What for?” she says defensively, folding her arms. “Is this some weird gloating thing you’re doing, huh? Reminding me I can’t see my own fucking brother?”

“It’s not,” Kayo promises. “I just – I don’t think it’s fair, that all you two can do is call each other once a week. I thought maybe I could be a go-between for you two, something like that.”

“I thought you hated me.”

“It’s for Fuse’s sake, not yours,” Kayo says firmly. She doesn’t mention that she hadn’t even considered going to see the other member of the Chaos Crew. Had barely thought about him, really. (Gordon was the one doing the thinking about Fuse – Clarence, as he insisted on calling him.)

After a beat, Havoc nods. “Yeah. That’d be- that’d be nice.”

Kayo hums, then gets up to leave. “Well. See you next Thursday, I suppose.”

Havoc rolls her eyes. “Does this mean I have to look at your ugly mug every week then?”

“Ditto,” Kayo says dryly, and Havoc flips her off again as she leaves.

“Bitch!” she yells happily, just as Kayo turns the corner, and she can hear the prison guard reprimanding Havoc as she walks out of earshot.

And so Kayo ends up being the Chaos Crew’s messenger. It’s a strange thing to do, obviously (Scott raises his eyebrows when he finds out, but doesn’t say anything) and Kayo doesn’t really know why she even offered to do it in the first place. Maybe some kind of fucked up second hand guilt for the crime of being related to the Hood - who knows? But she goes every week when she can, every other week when she’s busy, once to each prison. At first it’s mostly just reporting how the other sibling seemed when she visited, things that can’t be seen or won’t be said over the phone. Havoc gets into a lot of fights at first, but when Fuse confronts her during their weekly phone call because Kayo had told him just how many bruises she had she stops getting into fights as often. Similarly, Fuse has a bit of a spiral and loses some weight. Not much, but enough for Kayo to mention offhandedly and Havoc to consequently go off the rails over. They’re both looking after their own wellbeing a lot better now, even if only for the sake of their sibling. they both still have a long way to go, but Kayo supposes it’s a start.

After a while, the Chaos Crew seem to start to trust her a bit. Fuse starts getting visits from Gordon too (Kayo doesn’t ask what’s going on between them, because it seems too complicated for words) and the big lad seems to trust her brother a little more, but no one else ever visits havoc and so Kayo is her only point of contact with the outside world. Sad, sure, but there are plenty of people in prison with no one at all waiting outside for them, so Kayo tries not to feel too bad about it. Havoc brought it on herself, anyway.

“So, you got anyone special?” Havoc asks abruptly one visit, and Kayo has to try alarmingly hard to not visibly react.

“Excuse me?” she says sharply, raising an eyebrow.

Havoc lounges in her chair, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Her hair’s grown out a bit, especially the bleached strip at the front, but she’s got an undercut now that starts at the tips of her ears and dips all the way round the back of her head (Kayo knows because Havoc had shown it off when she’d got it, and when she pulls her hair back Kayo can see the shaved part peeking out). She seems stronger too, more muscled. Kayo guesses there can’t be too much to keep one busy in prison, even nowadays with the improved quality of life and range of activities available to prisoners. Plus Havoc doesn’t seem one for knitting and the like.

“I said, princess, have you got anyone special back home? Boyfriend? Girlfriend?” Havoc leans forward, resting her elbows on the table between them.

“Don’t call me princess,” Kayo replies curtly, “and I don’t see how it’s any of your business.”

“Aw, come on, I’m fucking bored in here,” Havoc whines. “I never get any news except what you tell me about Fuse, and I don’t know if you noticed but he’s also in bloody prison so there’s not much going on with him either. Go on, tell me.”

Kayo groans. “Fine. no, I’m not dating anyone, and I’m not planning to. happy?”

Havoc hums, folding her arms now. She’s always on the move whenever Kayo visits; it’s like she’s incapable of staying still for more than a few seconds, constantly fiddling with something or shifting in her chair. Kayo, meanwhile, barely ever moves for the whole visit. Sure, she can be a little impatient, but her job also requires hours of surveillance during stakeouts stuck in the same place and so she’s learned to keep her body still when it needs to be. “You’re really fucking boring, you know that?” Havoc sighs, and Kayo tries not to get too annoyed at her.

“I’m not here to be entertaining,” she shoots back, raising an eyebrow.

Havoc huffs. “At least tell me which way you swing.”

“No.”

“Come on.”

“No.”

“Please?” (that’s a first. Kayo is ninety nine percent sure that’s literally the first time she’s heard those words leave Havoc’s mouth.)

“Do you want me to tell you how Fuse is doing or not?”

“Urgh.” Havoc kicks backwards so her chair is balancing on two legs. Kayo privately hopes she messes up and lands on her arse. “Fine.”

They spend the rest of the visit talking about Fuse: how he is, what to tell him next week about how Havoc herself is doing. A week like any other. Except, when Kayo is almost out the door, she turns and stops for a second.

“And Havoc?” she says, pausing for dramatic effect. She revels in the way Havoc looks like she’s hanging on her every word. “I swing both ways.”

Havoc sits in stunned silence for a good few moments, long enough for Kayo to wink and sweep out of the room. Havoc’s barking laughter only starts when she’s in the corridor, and follows her all the way out.

Scott corners her one day after a visit, as she’s heading back to her room. He doesn’t look very happy, and she braces herself for another telling-off about her ‘proactive’ method of handling jobs, or for some dent she’d accidentally put in Shadow without realising.

“Why’re you still bothering to visit the Chaos Crew?” he asks instead. Kayo blinks.

“Because they’ve got no one else,” she says honestly.

Scott’s brow creases, his arms folded. “Surely it’s been long enough now though that they’re used to being apart,” he argues. “Why should you carry on helping them after everything they did? After what they did to Gordon, especially?”

Kayo goes quiet for a moment at that. The incident with Gordon is one of the things she refuses to bring up, with either sibling. From the way Fuse mentions Gordon during her visits, though, it’s clear just how fond he is of the younger Tracy (though Gordon is in fact older than Fuse, something that shocked Kayo when she found out. Havoc is barely older than Kayo herself, too) and how much guilt he carries for his role in Gordon’s injuries. With Havoc it’s much more difficult to tell; she still wears her anger like a mask, though Kayo’s getting pretty good at peeking though the cracks.

“Gordon seems to have forgiven them,” Kayo says, choosing her words carefully, “and he’s got the most reason to hang on to his hatred. I know they’ve done a lot of wrong, but it’s not as black and white as that.”

“Seems pretty black and white to me,” Scott shoots back. “They’ve hurt a lot of people, not to mention broken the law hundreds of times. Let them make amends in prison, where they’re serving out the time they’ve been justly dealt. We’ve done our jobs, we should focus on people who actually need our help. Why do you need to still get involved?”

“Because i know better than anyone else in this family how the hood can mess with your head.” Scott starts to protest, but Kayo cuts him off. “I'm not saying you’ve not lost anything to that man. But I’ve spent years living with his shadow over me, and for most of it I was too much of a fucking coward to even tell any of you about it.” She pointedly doesn’t look at Scott, knowing all too well the look of pity that will be etched on his face. She doesn’t want it. “I’m just helping make their lives a little easier. They’ve only got each other, and they’ve been separated for the first time in their lives. Imagine if it was you, locked away from all your brothers. Imagine how much you’d miss them.”

There’s a beat, and then Scott sighs in defeat. “Fine, okay. you’ve made your point. It’s a noble thing you’re doing, I guess. and I won’t stop you.”

Kayo nods and makes to head back for her room, until Scott catches her shoulder gently. “Look, if you ever want to talk about- “ he waves a hand vaguely- “family stuff, you know I’m here for you.”

“Yeah.” Her voice is quiet. “Thanks, Scott.”

“Any time.”

“So, your real name’s Heather,” Kayo says one day, having just finished describing the jumper Fuse finished knitting after a good couple months of attending the weekly classes on offer. She’s feeling a little devious – just looking to get a rise out of Havoc, really – and it works, because the woman’s hackles raise like a hostile alley cat.

“Fuck off,” Havoc replies reflexively.

“Not a fan?” Kayo asks in amusement, twirling a strand of hair absently between her fingers. Havoc eyes her suspiciously for a moment, then her shoulders drop almost imperceptibly.

“No one’s except Fuse has called me that since I was a kid,” she admits. “I always hated it. Wanted to have a cool name at first. Then I ended up in the business, and you can’t really tell people your legal name without risking trouble, so…”

Kayo hums. “It suits you.”

Havoc’s eyes widen ever so slightly. “You think?” she asks, in a voice a little too genuine to be sarcasm. Kayo nods. “Huh.”

“My real name’s not Kayo either,” she says after a minute. She hadn’t expected to reveal that, but the words sort of leave her mouth before she can think of them. It’s strange, being honest to her once mortal enemy about things like this.

“What’s your real name then?”

“Tanusha. It’s Hindi. my mother must have chosen it, I think, because my father comes from a Buddhist family.”

“Hm.” Havoc traces shapes on the table with her finger. Kayo finds herself idly tracking the lines she draws. “You don’t know how your parents chose your name? Why don’t you ask them?”

“My mother’s dead,” Kayo says bluntly. “And I'm not asking my father.”

Havoc seems to sense this is a sensitive topic. She thankfully decides not to press the matter. “I grew up in foster care,” she says instead, focused on the shapes she’s drawing (she’s progressed to tracing the wood grain, following the swirls and curves of the tree’s growth rings. it’s almost hypnotic). “So I’ve got no idea why my stupid mother gave me and Fuse such dumb names. It’s like it wasn’t enough to ruin our lives by abandoning us, she just had to make it worse by saddling us with pansy ass names like Heather and Clarence.” Her voice is bitter, but not angry. Still, Kayo doesn’t really know what to say in response to that. She had a…difficult relationship with her own father, sure, but at least he’d been there throughout her childhood (almost all of it, anyway). Even when he left her on Tracy Island, it was only because he knew she was in safe hands with Grandma Tracy and the boys.

“I had a go with nicknames when I was little,” Havoc continues, her tone a little lighter. “But Hattie is definitely worse than Heather. so I called myself Havoc and hit anyone who tried to call me anything else. Kept ‘em clear of Fuse, too. He was never one for fighting as a kid.” This further evidence of her protective streak doesn’t surprise Kayo at all.

“A couple of my brothers are the same,” Kayo agrees. “Especially when we were little. Meanwhile i always came home with bruises after defending some poor kid or other.”

Havoc snorts. “Peas in a pod, us two. Reckon we’d have gotten along like a house on fire when we were kids.”

“Probably,” Kayo laughs. “Either that or we wouldn’t have stopped beating the shit out of each other.”

“Now you say that, we probably would,” Havoc laughs. Then she gets all serious all of a sudden: leaning forward, resting her elbows on the table and intertwining her fingers like some kind of bond villain. “If I ever hear you calling me Heather, though, I swear I will make you regret it.” But there’s no real threat in her voice, and when Kayo leans back and widens her eyes in mock-fear she knows there’s absolutely zero chance of Havoc making true on her promise (not that she could anyway, being in prison and all).

“I would never!” She exclaims, holding her hands in surrender, and Havoc laughs loudly.

It’s only when Kayo gets home that she realises, rather suddenly, that at some point down the line she’s started to consider Havoc a friend.

Chapter Text

Kayo shows up for one of their weekly meetings a year and a half or so after the siblings’ initial arrest, and instantly she knows something is wrong. Havoc is slumped in her chair, not even making an effort to maintain her usual cocky demeanour, and her hair is unwashed. She doesn’t react as Kayo walks in. “What’s wrong?” she asks immediately, her concern only growing as Havoc refuses to look up at her. “Havoc, talk to me.” Still no reply. Kayo sits down, folding her arms and watching the other woman expectantly.

The silence lasts for all of about two minutes before Havoc caves. “It’s stupid,” she murmurs finally, looking like a sulking child banished to the naughty step.

“I have five brothers, I’m used to stupid,” Kayo replies dryly. “Trust me, I’ve heard it all.”

Havoc hesitates. “They’re talking about letting Fuse out on parole in the next year.” Kayo’s brow creases. At her expression, Havoc slumps further down. “See? Told you it was stupid.”

“What is it that’s upsetting you about that?” Kayo asks – because as far as she can tell, this is a good thing. An amazingly good thing, in fact, and no doubt in part a result of International Rescue’s official testimony that the Chaos Crew (and Fuse in particular) ha been acting under duress. She knows just how much fuse wants to make something of himself, too, wants to start fashioning a new life for himself and undoing some of the damage he’d caused under the Hood’s leadership.

“I don’t know!” Havoc growls, and she kicks the table. The security guard’s hand flies to the baton on her belt, and she raises her hands in wordless apology, shrinking back into her chair. “I don’t know,” she says again, quieter this time. “I want him to be living better than he is now. He deserves that. Maybe it’s just- he’ll be out there, while I’m still stuck in here wasting my life away. everything feels…I dunno. Sort of pointless.”

Kayo thinks she understands. Havoc’s still locked away in prison, locked away from her brother, and if he’s let out on parole he’ll be able to start living again. Finding a proper job, saving money, carving out a space for himself in the world that isn’t just being trapped under the Hood’s thumb. Havoc won’t be able to be a part of that new life. At least if they’re both in prison at the same time, they’re in similar places to each other. If Fuse gets out before Havoc, he’ll start moving on whilst she’s left behind. She stays frozen in place, stuck in the strange limbo of prison, as he gets to reinvent himself entirely.

“Everything isn’t pointless,” Kayo reassures her. “He’s making amends, just like you are. Maybe it’ll take a little longer, but…” She sighs. “You did a lot of damage when you worked for the Hood. You’ve just got to accept that you’ll have to do the time for it.”

Havoc exhales through her nose. “Yeah. No, you’re right. I'm where I belong, right? and Fuse is where he belongs. He’s always been the better one.”

Kayo doesn’t know what to say to that. She can’t deny that Havoc’s right – she broke the law so many times, and the press had made plenty of arguments that the Chaos Crew had been let off too lightly with their sentences, even – but her phrasing seems a little harsh.

“Fuse can come visit you here in person now,” she points out instead, “that’s a bonus, isn’t it? You won’t need me to check up on him for you.”

Havoc hums, staring blankly at the wall. After a while, Kayo gets up and makes her excuses. She can sense she’s not wanted.

The next few meetings are quieter than usual. Havoc is withdrawn, sullen, and it’s clear that she’s not taking the news about her brother particularly well. But aside from offering a familiar presence and keeping up their usual routine as some form of comfort, there isn’t really anything Kayo can do – not when Havoc won’t talk. So she just…shows up. Tries to remember that Havoc only tolerates these visits for the extra contact they give her with her brother, and that she probably doesn’t give a single shit about Kayo beyond that. They’ve had a couple moments over the past year and a half, sure, but Havoc remains impossible to read and about as forthcoming as a brick wall. Kayo can’t be going round getting this attached to her, especially given her past.

Then, one day, she shows up looking like hell.

“What happened to you?” Kayo blurts out before she can think, horrified at the state Havoc has gotten herself into. She looks worse than the time they’d fought at the chemical factory: one side of her face is pretty much one massive bruise, blue and purple and red. Her eye is swollen shut. she’s wearing the same thing she always is: prison uniform, grey trousers and shirt, with a long-sleeved top underneath. It means that Kayo can’t see the full extent of her injuries, whatever lies beneath the prison-mandated grey and black. Not that she needs to. The bruising on her face and knuckles is more than enough to fill in the blanks.

“What d’you think?” Havoc bites back, her voice as vicious as it had been when they’d faced each other that very first time. “Thought you International Rescue lot were supposed to be bright. Thick as two short fucking planks, you are.”

Kayo forces herself not to rise to the insult. “You promised you weren’t going to start anything like that any more,” she says, stern but not angry. "For Fuse’s sake.”

“He’s not here though, is he?” Havoc winces, hand going to her side. “Not like he cares, anyway.”

“You know he does care,” Kayo insists. “He’s going to be so hurt when he finds out. Havoc, i know you’re upset, but don’t go throwing away all the progress you’ve made. It’s not worth it.”

Havoc huffs a laugh. It’s empty as the cold darkness of space. “What do I care? They’re not letting me out of here any time soon. I’ll rot and die in this prison, we both know it. What’s the point of behavin’ if they’re gonna keep me locked in here forever, anyway?”

Kayo sees red.

It’s beyond infuriating, watching Havoc be so flippant about her fate. It’s not like anything bad has happened at all – it’s a good thing, even, that Fuse can look forward to the possibility of parole and can think about starting to rebuild his life. Havoc is being selfish, frustratingly selfish. Then again, maybe she’s always been like this. Maybe all this time, Kayo has been wasting this kindness on someone willing to throw away all these chances she’s been given in a heartbeat. Maybe Scott had been right all along, and she should have just left Havoc to self-destruct right from the start rather than put so much time and effort towards trying to help her. To get to know her. to start to like her. Because now here they are. Havoc is hurting and Kayo is hurting because Havoc is hurting and Kayo is angry that Havoc has made her care about her like this.

“I can’t believe I wasted all my time on someone willing to throw in the towel so easily,” Kayo hisses. “That’s it? You’re going back to your old ways? No regrets, no guilt, just back to beating the shit out of people without a second thought?” Havoc stays silent, head tucked down and away from her. Good. Let her feel bad about this. “I thought you’d changed, I really had, but apparently not. Apparently you’re incapable of using your hands for anything except violence. I’m telling Fuse about this, and I hope he’s just as mad at you as I am.”

Kayo pauses, eyes narrowed. Havoc is still completely silent; she shows no sign at all that she’s even listening. This pisses Kayo off even more.

“Have you got nothing to say for yourself at all? Is that it?” Kayo’s brow furrows as she realises for the first time just how pale Havoc is.

“Havoc?”

and then Havoc crumples to the floor, her head connecting with the tiles with a sickening thud, and Kayo’s heart leaps into her chest as her own body instinctively flies into motion.

“Help!” she yells, the sound ripping itself from her throat with a desperation she didn’t know she was feeling. “Please, someone, help!” The security guard is unmoving, and she whips her head up from where she is now, cradling Havoc’s broken body like the idiot she is because of course she knows you aren’t supposed to move a person till they’ve been assessed but it’s probably fine and besides her body had moved almost of its own accord so it’s not her fault (of course it’s her fault). “Why the fuck are you just standing there?” Kayo barks at the security guard, who looks a little panicked at being talked to like that by a member of International Rescue.

“I’ve radioed for medical—”

“I don’t care! If you’re not going to fucking help me in here, go out there and get someone who will!” The security guard hesitates for only a second before running off.

“Havoc? Havoc, talk to me, c’mon,” Kayo mutters, visually checking her over. “Don’t leave me hanging like this, come on, wake up…” It’s hard to tell what’s wrong with her clothes covering everything, and so once Kayo’s sure she can’t see anything she bites the bullet and starts gently feeling for any injuries. She reaches down and under Havoc’s grey overshirt, lightly probing her abdomen.

Her hand comes away wet.

Stomach dropping, Kayo pulls up Havoc’s grey shirt, revealing her tighter long-sleeved top beneath it. There’s a slash in it, a few inches across; she instantly pulls that up too, noting with dread how a lot of the fabric is stained darker with what must be blood.

It’s not good.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Kayo curses, putting as much pressure as she dares on the wound. It’s not long but looks deep – a classic stab wound – and could have lacerated any number of internal organs. “Havoc, don’t you dare die on me,” she orders. “Stay alive, come on.” Where the fuck is that security guard? “Havoc – Heather – please. Your brother needs you, you’ve got to hang on just a bit longer.” Blood is pooling on the floor, seeping through her trousers. Havoc’s head injury is bleeding profusely, too (Kayo tells herself it must be worse than it is because head wounds bleed so much, nothing more), and that’s staining her trousers too. There’s blood everywhere. She can taste it on her tongue.

“Help, anyone, please!” she yells, and it’s then that the security guard bursts back into the room, flanked by two members of the hospital medical staff. She is shoved unceremoniously out of the way, the medic bag almost landing on her foot as it is dumped by Havoc’s side. Kayo’s breaths are coming fast and short; she tries to slow them down. It’d do nobody any good if she passes out here and creates a second medical emergency.

The security guard takes ahold of her arm. It’s not a painful grip but it is firm, and Kayo turns. The guard looks a little taken aback by her appearance – she must look a state, covered in blood and her hair splayed loose across her shoulders, like a crazed lunatic (or one of the maenads, those worshippers of the greek god of, well, madness) – but she starts shepherding Kayo out of the room.

“You need to leave now,” she says as Kayo starts to protest. “Heather is in good hands, but the doctors need to work. I’ll escort you back to your vehicle.”

“Can’t I wait somewhere until they’ve finished?” Kayo asks pleadingly. “Please, i – she doesn’t have anyone, I should be there for her—”

The guard shakes her head apologetically. “Hospital policy.” She eyes Kayo over sceptically, pausing for a second in the hallway. “Are you sure you’re okay to travel alone? maybe someone should come and pick you up.”

Kayo shakes he head. “I’m fine, honestly. I’m a first responder, I’ve seen much worse. I can get myself home.”

The guard still looks a little unsure, but clearly this isn’t her biggest worry at the moment because she acquiesces and – true to her word – escorts Kayo all the way back to Shadow. She climbs into the cockpit. Takes comfort in the familiarity of her girl’s systems. Initiates the launch sequence, and sets the autopilot for home as soon as she’s up in the air. She feels as if she’s on autopilot herself, drifting somewhere slightly to the left of her own body, and time passes all at once so that two blinks later she’s disengaging the autopilot for the landing. She’s a little shakier than usual, sure, but muscle memory has kicked in. Shadow is as much a part of her as her own body is, and Kayo guides her safely into the hangar without any mishaps.

There’s someone waiting by Shadow’s launch bay when Kayo uncurls herself from the cockpit and almost falls as she clumsily staggers out. He stretches out a steadying hand. There’s aquamarine paint under the nails of the hand, a tiny streak of magenta by the leftmost knuckle.

Virgil.

“The prison contacted us and told us what happened,” he lets her know gently, keeping his hand just under her elbow even though she’s no longer in danger of tripping. “Are you okay?”

“I- “ she starts, and then her stomach rolls and heaves and suddenly she’s bent double, expelling her breakfast onto the hangar floor. It was a while ago that she last ate and it wasn’t very much food anyway so it’s mainly bile that burns her throat as Virgil rubs her back and holds back her hair. “Fuck,” she rasps as her stomach calms down, and then she catches sight of her hands that are covered in blood, drying a dark rusty colour, and she can feel it under her nails and she dry heaves again.

“It’s okay,” Virgil murmurs. “It’s okay.”

She chuckles almost hysterically, carefully straightening so that she doesn’t start vomiting all over again. “It’s stupid – it’s so stupid, I’ve seen so much worse, I should be fine.”

“You care about her,” Virgil says. “It’s always worse when it’s someone you care about.” At her silence, he exhales, wrapping an arm around her. “Come on, let’s get you upstairs and cleaned up.”

“What about-“ she gestures vaguely behind her.

“I’ll get one of the cleaning bots down here,” he reassures her. “It’s not your problem anyway, don’t worry about it.” He guides her upstairs, one hand lightly on her shoulder (she’s grateful for that; he’s showing that he’s looking out for her without babying her or treating her like she’s incapable).

She can still feel the blood under her nails.

Kayo knows she can’t push her luck too much with the prison for fear of being cut off entirely – after all, she’s not family, they don’t owe her any information. Still, the fear that Havoc has died without her knowing is insidious, and even though they tell her she won’t find anything out till morning she can’t sleep a wink. It’s all stupid, of course. Havoc is barely a friend. Hell, this time two years ago she was actively trying to kill Kayo and her brothers. The moral quandry is not lost on her at all, and it’s one of the things she mulls over and over in her mind throughout the night.

John takes her off rescues for the next 24 hours, which is incredibly nice of him. Scott, Alan and Gordon were all out when she first arrived back, but soon Alan and Gordon return, finding her curled up in the den with a cold cup of coffee, staring off into the distance. Without a word, Gordon settles next to her whilst alan scuttles off into the kitchen. A few moments later she hears the sound of the kettle boiling.

“You wanna talk about it?” Gordon asks, tugging a blanket over himself and offering the other side of it to her. She accepts it wordlessly. He’s not in his uniform; he must’ve gone upstairs and changed first (showered, too, because for once he doesn’t smell like shit). “John told us what happened,” he clarifies, and Kayo exhales through her nose.

“Are you sure you want to talk with me about it?” she asks. Gordon looks at her quizzically. “Only because of…”

“...My accident?” Gordon finishes. she nods. “No, you’re good. Honest. I used to hate them both, and I did for a while too. But then I thought about how much of it was really their fault, and how much of it was the Hood’s. Clay-” (Kayo doesn’t miss the use of the nickname; now that’s interesting)- “has apologised to me a billion times for what happened, and Havoc- “ he cuts himself off, tipping his head back. “It took a little longer to forgive her, I won’t lie.”

“She’s not an easy person to forgive,” Kayo chuckles despite herself, and Gordon laughs alongside her.

“No, she isn’t. But Clay has told me so much about her, all the things she did to try and protect him right from when they were kids, and all the shit she had to deal with, and eventually I got it. I still don’t wanna be best friends with her or anything, but I got it. Y’know?”

Kayo thinks she does.

“So don’t worry about upsetting me or anything like that. It’s fine, I promise.”

Kayo swallows around the lump in her throat. “She just looked so… she looked dead, Gords,” she gets out, and great, now the tears are threatening to fall again, and she squeezes her eyes in defense against them. “And they won’t tell me anything, so she really could be dead and I won’t even know.”

Gordon wraps an arm around her. She sinks into it, finally giving in to comfort. “It’s a horrifying thing to experience, Kay,” he murmurs, “I’m so sorry.”

“But i should be used to it,” she protests. “I’ve seen worse. Hell, I’ve been through the same thing myself, more or less.”

“Well, now you know how we felt when it happened to you,” Gordon half-jokes. Kayo blinks. Well shit, she hadn’t thought of it like that. Maybe she should stop getting herself into stupid situations like that in future; she hates the thought of her brothers feeling like this and worse every time she gets herself beaten up. (Realistically, of course, that’s probably not going to happen – but she’ll try to be a little more careful at least). “Just cause you’re used to something doesn’t mean it gets any easier. You have a better idea how to handle it, maybe, but it’s not easier.”

Kayo nods wearily. “I s’pose.”

Gordon studies her face for a moment. “You really care about her, don’t you?”

“I- “ Kayo grasps for the words to describe just how she feels, but none are in her reach. She likes Havoc. She hates her. She respects her, she’s irritated by her, she wants to grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. “I don’t know how I feel about her,” she settles for, in the end. “But I know that I don’t want her to die.”

Gordon hums. “Yeah. Me neither.”

Kayo has to pull a few strings with her contacts in the GDF to get into the prison hospital that next day. She’d wanted to go in the morning, but on the phone with Havoc’s doctor (who told her that she’d made it through the surgery and was in recovery, thank fuck) Kayo had been told that she likely wouldn’t be awake till around the early afternoon at least and it would be a wasted trip to come earlier, so why not save herself the hassle? Kayo privately had thought it wouldn’t be a wasted trip to see for herself that Havoc was alive and - not well, but not dying at least – to put her mind at ease. But she didn’t have the time to make two trips in one day and she wanted to speak to Havoc, so the evening it was.

The security is as strict as ever. Maybe even a little more strict, perhaps because she isn’t strictly allowed to be there. A couple flashes of the official GDF ID Colonel Casey had given her a few years ago help a little.

Kayo’s heart is in her mouth as she walks into the infirmary. There’s only one patient, right at the end of the ward, and Kayo knows without a doubt that it’s Havoc even though she looks so, so different. Her hair is splayed across the pillow, limp and lifeless. She’s not hooked up to a ventilator, but she’s got an oxygen tube on her nose and an iv in her arm and there’s a heart monitor by her bed, beeping steadily. her face is pallid. She almost looks like a corpse.

There’s a single chair by the bedside. Cold, unwelcoming, uncomfortable. She sits. Even though the person she’d spoken to over the phone had said with confidence Havoc would be awake by the time she was scheduled to visit, Kayo doesn’t feel hopeful. She doesn’t look like she’ll be waking up for a while. She’s proved wrong, though, as icy blue eyes blink open slowly and her head turns to face Kayo.

“Hey,” Kayo says gently. Havoc stares at her, uncomprehending. “It’s Kayo,” she says, which feels obvious, but she has no idea how lucid Havoc is right now. Aside from the fact she’s only just woken up, she’s on a cocktail of painkillers and the tail end of the anaesthesia from the surgery. “Do you remember what happened?”

“I…” Havoc’s brow creases. “Fighting.”

“The guard said you’d been in a fight,” Kayo agrees. “That’s how you got hurt.”

“No.” Havoc’s eyes are a little clearer now. “With you.”

Kayo doesn’t quite know how to respond to that. She settles for a nod.

“Didn’t mean to upset you,” she says slowly. “It just…happened.”

“It’s okay,” Kayo says, because what else can she say? It’s hard to be angry at someone who’s in a hospital bed. Havoc doesn’t really look like she believes her, but she closes her eyes again, the crease in her forehead smoothing a fraction. “How’re you feeling?” she asks.

“How d’you think?” Havoc says hoarsely. “Like shit.” The scratchiness of her voice reminds Kayo of the painful aftermath of being intubated (something she has an unfortunate degree of experience with) and she waves a nurse over, asking her to fetch some ice chips. Havoc doesn’t thank her when they arrive – she’s too tough for that, of course, Kayo thinks dryly – but there’s a glimmer of gratefulness in her eyes as she accepts the ice chips, letting one melt in her mouth slowly.

“I’m going to call Fuse this evening,” Kayo informs her, taking advantage of the fact that she’s unable to speak. It’s almost comical how quickly Havoc’s grateful gaze twists into fury. “And no, you can’t stop me. He deserves to know what an idiot you’ve been.” And even though she’s not as angry as she once was and despite the fact she’d told herself she wasn’t going to say anything, Kayo still finds herself berating a bed-ridden stab victim. Go figure. “You can’t turn back now, Havoc. You’ve made so much progress. You’ve been making an actual difference to your life. What good could possibly come from throwing all of it away now? I know you and your brother are in different places right now, and a lot of that is down to the fact that you did worse things than he did, and have less excuses for doing them. That just means you’ve got more to do to make up for it. But you can make amends. You have been making amends. If you go back to beating up everyone you don’t like, you’ll probably be in prison for most of the rest of your life.”

Havoc stares at her impassively. It’s impossible to tell how she’s taking this. But someone has to knock some sense into her (verbally, not physically), so Kayo carries on.

“Think about Fuse. He loves you so much, and it’ll break his heart to see you digging yourself deeper into this hole you’re in. If you don’t want to get better for yourself, do it for his sake.”

Tears are glittering in the corner of Havoc’s eyes. “Get out,” she whispers. Her voice is so, so quiet, and yet it’s full of so much hatred that Kayo doesn’t even argue as she gets up and nods at the guard by the door to signal her departure. It doesn’t matter, she tells herself. She’s said her piece. Never mind that she hasn’t yet told Havoc how terrified she was when the woman dropped like a stone in that meeting room. How she’d spent the whole night sending silent prayers to gods she hasn’t believed in since her mother died. She just walks out.

It's the last time she sees Havoc in a long while.

She finds out through her connections exactly when havoc has left the infirmary and is back in with the general population; she then attempts to schedule their usual visit for the following week. For the first time, Havoc rejects it. She tries for the next four weeks – still keeping up visits with Fuse, just to keep him company – to no avail. Eventually she stops putting in the requests. It’s clear Havoc doesn’t want to see her.

She can’t check up on her as often, either. It’ll look suspicious if Kayo keeps asking after her, and she’s pulled enough favours with the GDF already that she doesn’t want to risk asking for fear of overstepping. Kayo gets her updates from Fuse instead, who apparently has been instructed by his sister during their weekly call not to tell Kayo anything - but must see the desperation in her eyes, because for once he goes behind her back to let Kayo know how she’s doing. Even then, information is sparse. All she really knows is that Havoc hasn’t been in a single fight that he’s heard since she wound up in hospital. It’s not much but it's something, she supposes.

During the silent months, Kayo has plenty of time to reflect. Well, in the brief moments she gets between rescues and missions and security reports, at any rate. She finds herself missing the brash, scrappy girl with the eyes like ice and glare like daggers. She misses her barbed taunts, her rare moments of sincerity. She craves their easy banter and stupid jokes. She even misses the sly flirting Havoc sent her way, something that had enraged her when they first met but slowly had become endearing. Flattering, even. She finds herself wondering how serious havoc was being when she made those remarks, then checks herself in horror.

Kayo starts dating during that time. Well. Dating is a strong word. She frequents gay bars and clubs when she has the time: sometimes with Gordon, occasionally with Virgil tagging along too – once with Scott, which was a whole event that involved him finally figuring out his bisexuality after one too many drinks – and sometimes by herself. She never goes out with anyone for more than a few weeks at most. She has quite a few one night stands. If there’s a pattern to the women she dates (because it’s always women, never men), she steadfastly ignores it. Her brothers ask if she’s okay a few times. She always brushes them off. What’s wrong with having a little fun? She’s just doing what she never got to do in her teens, that’s all. And she never lets it affect her work.

(Things do get a little worse when her uncle asks if she will visit him in prison. She goes, despite warnings from her father and other father and brothers and grandmother, because apparently she’s into self-punishment at the minute. It ends with her downing a bottle of whisky and wandering the streets of New York until Scott shows up just in time to save her neck because she’s gotten into a fight. It’s stupid of her, so stupid. She knows how easily that man can get into her head.)

When the call arrives from His Majesty’s prison, Kayo can scarcely believe it. It’s been seven, eight months since the incident, and she’d assumed Havoc never wanted to see her again. She drops everything and flies to England.

Havoc looks worlds apart from the person Kayo remembers – both the pale figure lying in the hospital bed and the sharp, guarded one she’d met with each week. She’s fitter, bulkier in a way that suggests good eating rather than incessant exercise. The flickering gaze of a wild animal that had so often greeted her seems tamer. Havoc even seems…nervous. She’d never been nervous before. Or maybe she had, and it had just been hidden behind that confident façade all along. Her hair is a bit longer, freshly cut into this wonderful layered hairstyle, a zigzag pattern shaved into the side. Her face is sort of glowing. Kayo has to stop herself staring.

“Hi,” Havoc says awkwardly. Kayo smiles briefly.

“Hello,” she replies, sitting down.

“I…” Havoc looks down at her hands clasped in her lap, fingers picking at the skin around her nails. Kayo wants to reach over and still them, hating the thought of Havoc causing herself even slight pain like that. “I wanted to apologise, for how I- how I cut you off.” Kayo doesn’t respond, waiting for her to continue. “You were right, when you said all that in the infirmary. You were right. I just wasn’t ready to hear it. It took a long time, but eventually I got it.”

“I’m glad,” Kayo says simply, and she is. Havoc looks up, meets her eyes properly.

“You’re the only person other than my brother who’s ever believed in me, you know,” she says. “Everyone else thought I was no good for anything other than starting fights. Wrecking stuff. You’ve always thought Icould do more than that. So thank you.”

It doesn’t come as a surprise to Kayo at all, but the sentiment still knocks her flat. It just feels… so unfair, that Havoc had never had anyone there for her in all her life. No one to believe in her, and a kid brother to try and raise single-handedly to boot. Her heart aches. She wants to hug her. She has to settle for stretching a hand across the table, the only physical comfort she’s allowed to offer. After a second’s hesitation, Havoc reaches out too, brushing her fingers briefly against Kayo’s. It makes her feel more than any of those other girls ever had.

Part of her brain shuts down entirely at this revelation. The rest refuses to process it, bundling it away into a corner.

“I'm not getting into fights or nothing any more,” Havoc tells her, shuffling her chair a little closer. Now they have apparently reconciled, she seems eager to prove to the person who’d had faith in her that it hadn’t been misplaced. “I'm going to the workshops and all that, getting to know people. Keeping out of trouble. There’s a couple girls who i’ve been keeping an eye on, helping them to keep out of trouble too. It’s – it’s good. I’m doing good, now.”

Kayo nods at that, withdrawing her hand back into her lap. If Havoc notices the movement, she doesn’t openly acknowledge it. “That’s wonderful, Havoc. I'm happy for you.”

Havoc smiles. She doesn’t notice the newfound tension in Kayo’s shoulders, seemingly too wrapped up in her happiness at her own progress to overanalyse Kayo’s body language. “Thanks.” She smiles – actually smiles. Kayo’s insides flutter at this expression of real, genuine happiness. Then her stomach drops.

She makes her excuses as quickly as she can without hurting Havoc’s feelings and all but races back out to Thunderbird Shadow. Her internal monologue goes something like this:

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck fuckity fuck. Fucking shit.

Chapter Text

This time, it’s her who withdraws. Kayo doesn’t visit for over a month, busying herself with rescues rather than booze and clubs this time. She gets a little reckless, ends up in a few scrapes. Grandma berates her on more than one occasion, telling her that she needs to be more careful. They’ve all been more worried about one of them getting injured on the job, since Jeff got back. Maybe it’s because they’ve already been blessed with the returned of one of their own from the dead; they’re all scared of tempting fate. So she does try not to end up in hospital – and she does succeed, to be fair to her, because the island medical facilities don’t count as hospital in her opinion. Fuse suffers from a lack of visits from her too, though to a lesser extent, and she claims it’s because of work when he questions her on why she won't visit his sister.

By the third visit, though, he’s had enough of it and all but yells at her when she tries to defend herself. He insists that she visits Havoc at least once more, to say a proper goodbye or to make her excuses in person ‘or whatever’ – though he doesn’t look like he believes she’ll truly decide to cut all contact. Well, more fool him. Kayo can’t be dealing with…whatever’s going on with her in regards to Havoc at the minute, and Havoc doesn’t need her anyway. She’d made it clear from the start just how much she despised Kayo, and now she’s sorting out her life she can have a fresh start. Kayo will just be an unpleasant reminder of the person she’d been before, nothing more. It’ll be good for the both of them if they agree to never see each other again.

It's with reluctance that she ends up going to visit (for the last time, she keeps on telling herself). Not for long. Just long enough to explain how this will be best for everyone and to say a quick goodbye.

Havoc, however, has other ideas.

She’s sat there, arms folded and eyebrow raised, and it makes Kayo feel like the times she’d been sent to the principal’s office with Gordon for the pranks they’d pulled in high school. “Kayo,” she says sternly.

“Havoc,” Kayo returns, trepidation building. This is going to be harder than she’d anticipated. Clearly, Havoc is not on the same wavelength.

“Just what the fuck d’you think you’ve been doing for the past two months?” Havoc demands, genuinely sounding a little pissed off. “And don’t make some stupid excuse about being too busy. You found the time to visit Fuse three times. You’ve been avoiding me, and I want to know why.”

“I…” Kayo doesn’t really know how she can defend herself against that. It’s entirely true, of course, so there isn’t any point in denying it. She settles for explaining her actions, though from the sounds of things Havoc won’t be happy with her answer. “I thought it would be better if I stopped visiting.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because you’re doing better,” Kayo says. “Because you’re putting the past behind you, and I’m part of the past, so I thought it’d help you move on. Besides, the only reason I even started these visits is to act as a go-between for you and Fuse, and he’s out on parole next month, so he can come visit you himself. I just- “

“Decided you’d make all the decisions without asking me,” Havoc fills in. Shit, she does sound genuinely upset. “You just decided to cut me off, knowing full well I can’t do a fucking thing about it while I’m stuck in here! Did you think I’d agree with your stupid decision? Or did you just not bother to ask me what I wanted?”

“You did the same thing to me for almost eight months!” Kayo retorts defensively. “I didn’t think this would be such a big deal!”

Havoc visibly calms herself before she next speaks. “I cut you off,” she says slowly, picking over her words like carrion over a corpse, “because I didn’t want you to see me like that. because I wasn’t happy with who I was, and I felt like i’d let you down.” She swallows. It’s clear this is costing her a lot to say. Despite the tension thrumming between them Kayo feels a surge of pride at how forthcoming Havoc is being, even given how difficult she’s clearly finding it. “I’m sorry for it now, I am, but I can’t change that I did it. But it wasn’t because I never wanted to see you again. I don’t understand why you’ve changed how you’re acting all of a sudden, but… I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”

Guilt, hot and ugly, churns in Kayo’s stomach. It’s clear that Havoc’s been a lot more hurt by her actions than she’d anticipated. It makes sense, the quiet logical voice in her head that sounds a little like John whispers. You’re the only person other than Fuse who’s ever believed in her. And then you went and abandoned her, just like everyone else has her entire life. You’ve been only thinking of yourself, and now you’ve hurt her too.

She has, hasn’t she? This whole time, Kayo had been justifying her choice to herself by fabricating all these excuses about how she was doing it for Havoc’s sake. A myriad hollow reasons, all to soothe her own conscience. But she’d been selfish - plain and simple. It was why she’d not talked to Havoc beforehand; if she said any of it out loud, Havoc would’ve called her on her bullshit in a second, exactly like she’s done just now.

“I’m sorry,” Kayo murmurs eventually. “I should’ve talked to you.”

“Damn right you should have,” Havoc says hotly. Then her gaze softens ever so slightly. “But why did you even do it? And don’t give me none of them wishy-washy answers, ‘cos we both know they’re bullshit.”

Kayo shrugs, bracing herself mentally for what she’s about to say. Havoc had been open with her; she should return the favour, at least. “I was scared of how much I cared about you, I think. I’m…not good at trusting people, or getting too close to them. Hazard of my line of work.” And of having the Hood as her uncle, but she doesn’t say that. There are lines she’s not willing to cross with Havoc, even in the spirit of being honest. “You got stabbed, and it was terrifying. And then finally seeing you after all that time… it all came back at once, I suppose. I panicked.”

It's not all of the truth, but it’s by no means a lie either. Havoc seems to be able to tell that she’s not lying, and she nods.

“Alright. Good.”

“Can we put this behind us?” Kayo blurts out. “I’m sorry i hurt you, and I promise not to cut you off again.”

Havoc smiles crookedly. “I won’t mention it again if you don’t mention the eight months I didn’t let you see me.” Kayo laughs, almost in surprise. “Friends, then?”

Kayo nods. “Friends.”

And so it continues. Kayo visiting – dropping down to once every three or so weeks to allow Fuse time to visit his sister, because he takes priority, after all. The two of them slowly getting closer, keeping up their banter but each knowing that there was nothing malicious behind it any more. Every now and again, one of them would share something deeper, more personal, and the other would listen in support. Havoc tells Kayo about some of the tougher times they’d had in foster care. Some of the homes, what the other kids had done. Kayo tells her about her Uncle. What it was like growing up with him, how he disappeared from her life one day and kept trying to slither back in and mould her into his protégé. Kayo firmly squashes down whatever feelings had been stirring during the year of hell they’d had. Havoc is the priority, and what she needs is a friend. That’s what Kayo had promised to be for her, and she hates to break her promises.

The prospect of Havoc also being let out on parole arises sooner than either of them had expected – but it’s a welcome surprise, brought on in part by the success story Fuse has become. Havoc spends the weeks before her hearing stressing incessantly, practically pulling her hair out, and Kayo does her best to calm her down. She stands as a character witness to Havoc’s reform over the past few years. Apparently it makes a difference, because soon after they find out that Havoc’s parole has indeed been granted.

They aren’t allowed to hug in the visiting room on the day of the good news. The times they’ve ever come close to proper physical touch in all the years they’ve known each other are few and far between: the blows they’d exchanged when they’d fought; the day havoc had been stabbed, when kayo cradled her head in her lap and pressed her hands to staunch the blood from the wound; the meeting afterwards, when their fingers had brushed ever so gently on the wooden table between them.

It's going to be so strange, to not be separated by that wooden table. Kayo can’t quite imagine Havoc not behind it, sat in her usual chair, in that same room week after week.

Because Havoc was arrested in her Chaos Crew uniform (and because Kayo refuses to let her ever see it again, keen to protect her from the bad memories it brings with it) Kayo goes shopping, having asked for Havoc’s size in clothes and the sort of style she likes to wear. They can get more things once she’s out, but for the time being she’ll need at least a few decent changes of clothes. Havoc goes for pretty masculine options, apparently: muscle tees, band shirts, cargo trousers, sweatshirts and joggers in case she wants something more comfortable. Kayo tries not to imagine how handsome Havoc will look in the outfits she buys.

Scott drew the line at Havoc staying on Tracy Island – too many sensitive locations, technology, documents and so on that’d be easy for her to access, he said; even though Kayo had faith that Havoc wouldn’t snoop around with malicious intent, and she’s the security chief so arguably the decision falls within her purview – so Kayo funds a decent-sized flat in London instead. Unfortunately there are quite a few restrictions on Havoc’s freedom, and there will be for a good few years, but Kayo manages to find an old friend who’s looking for a place to rent near their work and is happy to keep an eye on Havoc for the duration of her parole. Not that Kayo wasn’t willing to do it, of course, but with her role in International Rescue she can’t exactly up and move to the other side of the world. There are bigger things to consider.

She’s waiting nervously outside the prison on the day of Havoc’s release. Gordon’s come along with her (partly as an excuse to see Lady Penelope later) but has stayed with Shadow to allow the two of them to reunite alone. Kayo had told him he was being ridiculous and it wasn’t necessary but he’d just smirked at her. Weirdo.

She’s beginning to think she got the timings wrong when finally, a figure appears at the gates. It takes her a second to recognise Havoc out of her prison outfit. She’s in a grey muscle tee featuring some band called Morbid Angel, showing off her tattoo collection that had been added to several times during her prison tenure, and black cargo trousers. Her hair is freshly washed, stylishly tousled with the mousse Kayo had bought on a whim for her. As she gets closer, Kayo can see she’s gone for her signature dark smudged eyeliner and eyeshadow look. She looks incredible. And, judging by the smirk on her face as she approaches, she knows it.

“Hi,” Kayo says breathlessly.

“Hey,” Havoc replies. Every so often her eyes flick to her surroundings; clearly, it’s a lot for her to be outside of prison walls for the first time in so long, even if she’s trying to play it off.

“Ready to go to your new place?” Kayo asks her tentatively. Havoc doesn’t reply immediately, but Her gaze focuses on Kayo, something indiscernible behind her eyes. “Havoc?”

And suddenly they’re kissing.

Havoc’s stepped forward, one hand hovering next to Kayo’s face, as if she’s almost afraid to touch her. At first Kayo’s too shocked to even move, but then her own hand cups the back of Havoc’s neck and the other goes to her waist, pulling the other woman closer. It’s electric, charged, and Kayo can feel her fingers and toes tingling. She hadn’t realised that this was what she’d wanted all along.

Havoc pulls away abruptly, pupils blown but her face looking slightly panicked. Her hand had found its way onto Kayo’s shoulder during the kiss, but now she releases it. “I- shit, I didn’t think, I’m sorry.” She stumbles over her words. “I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry.”

Kayo laughs despite herself, a giddy giggle that Havoc looks slightly affronted at. “What’re you laughing at?” Havoc says indignantly.

 “I kissed you back, you dumbass.” Kayo takes ahold of Havoc’s hand. “Don’t tell me you didn’t notice.”

The panic leaves Havoc’s eyes, and Kayo throws the last of her self-restraint far away. “And let me tell you,” she grins, pulling Havoc in again, “you’re a bloody brilliant kisser.”

(Havoc bakes a slightly wonky cake as a thank-you for everything Kayo had done for her. Havoc says that it isn’t nearly enough to express just how grateful she is – to which Kayo brushes her off, telling her to not be daft and that she didn’t have to make her anything at all. She hadn’t ever thought that Havoc would start baking, let alone enjoy it, but stranger things have happened. Besides, it’s nice to wake up to the smell of freshly baked goods on those lazy weekends they spend together in Havoc’s – Heather’s – new flat in london. She’d never thought that she could ever feel anything but hate for the Chaos Crew, but now, years and years later, she can’t imagine her life any different.)