Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

One faithful day in Woodsboro, a certain Stuart Macher, was running towards his partner in crime.

"Billy, I need your help! I NEED HELP!" Stu yelled.

Billy bridged his nose, just knowing that Stu somehow did something bizarre. "What is it now, Stu? Did you provoke Radahn, Venom, Cyn, Optimus Prime, Lord Black Hat?" He asked.

"No, someone called REDACTED put me in a group chat, and apparently the powers that be saw fit to yeet some new people into the chat." Stu said.

"You have a group chat?" Billy asked.

"Hey, your Instagram's apparently racist and your For You Page is filled with gooner material, you don't get to question me having Discord when I didn't even plan on doing so." Stu countered.

"Okay, let's see what shit you cooked up." Billy muttered, inviting himself to the chat.

[REDACTED]: WELCOME, ONE AND ALL TO THE GROUP CHAT, WHERE YOU ARE FREE TO CHAT WITH OTHERS BEYOND YOUR UNIVERSE, I HAVE MADE THIS BECAUSE ALL OF YOU ARE HEROES, IN A SENSE, AND COULD BENEFIT FROM LEARNING FROM ONE ANOTHER!

[REDACTED]: Later, hoes!

[User1]: Woah, what’s this?

[User2]: No clue, but it’s weird that it managed to get onto my phone.

Billy Loomis has been added to the chat

Billy Loomis has changed their name to Billy

Billy: Alright, who's who?

Stu: Well, we have User1, User2, User3, User4, User5, User6, User7, User8, User9, User10, User11, User12, User13, User14 and User15. Not sure on their names though.

[User3]: DID I GET A VIRUS?!?!?!?! What the FUCK is this?

[User4]: Huh, it looks kinda like a Codec.

[User5]: Okay, what is this, and why in Skylands am I here?

[User6]: Why did this pop on my Scroll?

[User7]: So, this was what the Summoning Circle gave me? Well then, this should be enlightening.....

[User8]: yo hey can someoe tell me where th heck i am???

[User9]: Eh, what's this?

[User10]: What the?!

[User11]: Huh?

[User12]: This is odd.

[User13]: I would say something about this magical device, but User5 beat me to it.

[User14]: Huh, I got into a SFW chat.....neat!

[User15]: Ok, what kind of Tinkertech is this?

Billy: Now, I want you all to switch your usernames (for those who probably haven’t had a phone before, it’s the name shown next to the stuff you type) to your names (just the name that you refer to yourself as), then give your full names, age, sexuality, and some details about you. Go in the order your temp usernames suggest.

[User1]: I guess that means I start.

[User1] has changed their name to Charlie

Charlie: My name is Charlie Morningstar, 200 years old, bisexual. I’m the daughter of Lucifer Morningstar and the heir to the throne of Hell. I run a hotel in an attempt to redeem Sinners so they can go to heaven, eliminating a yearly event known as the Exterminations, which is when Exorcists from Heaven come down to kill Sinners, permanently.

Billy: OH SHIT! STU! STU, YOU HAVE LUCIFER'S CHILD IN THE CHAT!

Stu: Billy, chill out, it's probably just a roleplayer.

Charlie: Oh, I can show you pictures of you want.

Billy: No, wait! Not what I meant!

Charlie:

Stu: HOLY

Billy: DEAR GOD, ALASTOR MIGHT END US TWICE!

[User4]: So these Exorcists, they're just thugs killing because they can, and your people can't fight back? There's evil, and then there's these fuckers.

[User15]: Okay... you're a brave person, I'll give you that.

Charlie: Thanks, Four, Fifteen.

[User2]: My turn!

[User2] has changed their name to Ren

Ren: Hey, name’s Amamiya Ren. Despite the order, Amamiya is my family name. I’m from Japan, and here, we have our family name first.

Ren: Anyway, this is weird but I'll stick around, It'll give me something to do on probation. For something I didn't do I might add.

Billy: WHAT?!

Ren: I’m 16, gay, and I want to punch God in the face. Or shoot it, can't decide.

Billy: Why?

Ren: I stopped a man assaulting a woman and got thrown to tokyo cus he had power or sum

[User3]: How do I change my nickname?

Billy: Have you tried tapping the icon with a pencil?

[User3]: Thank you.

[User3] has changed their name to Uzi

Uzi: Sup, name’s Uzi Doorman, 18 years old, bisexual. I’m from Copper-9. Y'see, I'm a Worker Drone. Autonomous robots helping humans mine exoplanets for our interstellar parent company, JCJenson IN SPAAAAACEE!!!! (Yes, really) Yeah, we were mistreated in the name of Windex. But it's not like we revolted and killed all humans or anything, mostly because they handled that just fine all by themselves. With biological life wiped from the planet, we found it pretty easy to pick up where they left off. We finally had a future, all to ourselves. Unfortunately, our parent company didn't exactly love the concept of runaway AI...which is why they sent LITERAL DEATH DRONES AFTER US! AND THOSE DRONES BUILT A SPIRE OF CORPSES WHILE WE'RE STUCK BEHIND 3 STUPID DOORS! AT THIS POINT SOMEONE'S GOTTA GO GET RID OF THEM!

Uzi: Which is why I built this sick-ass railgun to do so.

Uzi: 

Billy: Okay, add Persona to the list of shows I never thought would become real! Just don't annihilate me with that railgun again, and we're fine, Uzi.

[User12]: To reference one of my fav animes, 'Believe in the Uzi that believes in you.'

Billy: Gurren Lagann detected!

[User14]: YOOOOOOOOOOO

[User12]: You know it?

Billy: Uh, yeah! It is peak!

Uzi: Uh....huh.....

[User4] has changed their name to Raiden

Raiden: My name is Raiden, 32 years old, bisexual. I live- well, lived- in Liberia. Then I was conscripted into war, and became a cyborg, known as Jack the Ripper. Then some crazy shit happened involving the Patriots. Currently, I'm in Abkhazia, ready to kill some terrorists trying to destabilize the nation.

Charlie: What the fuck is with these people and spending precious time needed to potentially survive, talking to us instead of doing anything useful to survival? Hell’s overpopulated enough as is, and as much faith as I have in most of you, I doubt any of you are getting into Heaven. I’d at least prefer you guys delay it!

Billy: Don’t worry, Charlie. None of them are going to your Hell. Besides, after all the shit we've faced, me and Stu always somehow come out alive. Not even Radahn with Miquella or even Izuku fuckin' Midoriya can kill us!

[User6] has changed their name to Ruby

Ruby: Hey. My name’s Ruby Rose, I'm 15, lesbian, and I love cookies, my pet dog, and playing video games on my scroll or if you wanna call it your version of phone or whatever and I adore weapons and yeah

Billy: You HAVE to slow down. You remind me of Stu...

Ruby: Oof, sorry.

Ruby: Anyways, I live in a world where the moon is kinda broken by something, nobody knows why. Also there are these bad creatures called Grimm that love negativity and people have to hunt them down and they're called huntsmen and huntresses and I wanna be like them! so I go to a place called Beacon Academy, and I have this scythe that's also a high caliber sniper rifle called crescent rose which I use to kick ass!!!

Billy: Don't point that at me again, and we'll get along fine......

[User7]: So… Any bets on why she’s going to what’s essentially collage? My money is on that she’s the chosen one to a prophecy.

[User13]: I’m going with she has a special family ability that her family has, but Ruby doesn’t know about.

Ren: she gonna be a magical girl.

Uzi: maybe she just has great potential to be the best.

[User5]: Like no one ever was 😎.

Stu: Or to pay the bills.

Billy: I’m with Thirteen on this.

Ruby: Meanies.

[User5] has changed their name to Zap

Zap: Yo, I’m Zap, 15 years old, pansexual. I’m a Skylander, defender of the realm of Skylands, a world of wonder and magic, yet plagued by numerous evils, most notably being the sorcerer known as Kaos. I also happen to be a water dragon, and also a genuine prince.

[User7] has changed their name to Louise

Louise: I am Louise Francoise Le Blanc de la Valliére, heir to the Valliére dynasty. I’m a noble, and considered the 'Zero' to many fellow nobles, due to my.... inadequate amount of magic, to put it simply. Since, apparently, we’re detailing what we’re doing right now, I’m currently in my room preparing for school tomorrow. I am 16, and.....

Zap: Hey, Louise, it’s ok no one is going to judge you.

Louise: .....I like girls.

Ruby: I’m guessing you’re from a place where it’s not accepted?

Louise: Yes, only my big sis, Cattleya, knows of this.

Zap: like I said, no one here is going to judge you, Louise.

Louise: Thank you.

[User8] has changed their name to Sora

Sora: im sora harewataru, 14, gay

Sora: and i am very confused about the metal box im currently in

Billy: Wha?

Ren: Wait- You're not from Japan???? What?!

Sora: all i know is i saved a baby from a kidnapping, fell from the sky, fought a monster, and then my new friend gave me this device to “texy”

Zap: Sky Buddies?

Sora: ye

Sora: I apologize for Sora and her disastrous typing. She has actually learned our writing system. She just doesn’t understand the keyboard yet. — Mashiro (Prism)

Charlie: Oh. Well then.

[User9] has changed their name to Asagaki

Asagaki: My name is Asasgaki Togo, 19, pansexual. I'm Kizuna Red!

[User10] changed their name to Utena

Utena: Um, I'm Utena Hiiragi, 14, lesbian....I, I only wanted to vent! And now I have a chat on my phone with weirdos!

[User11] changed their name to Wadanohara

Wadanohara: My name is Wadanohara, 14, lesbian, and I’m a sea witch, I like to hang out with my friends and help protect the sea kingdom in the Blue Sea, which I’m currently returning to so I can try to stop a war that the Totsusa Kingdom is trying to launch on us.

Wadanohara: Which is sad because one of my friends and familiars, Memoca, visited there once and really liked it there.

Raiden: Sheesh, speaking from experience, war tends to be pretty bad.

Uzi: Isn’t war bad in general?

Raiden: yeah

Ren: Wait what do you mean you’re a witch?

Wadanohara: It means that I’m a witch :D

Ren: no I know that, but…

Ren: A real witch?

Wadanohara: Last time I checked yea

Ren: …ok then

[User12] has changed their name to Rimuru

Rimuru: I am Rimuru Tempest, 3 years old, bisexual, and I am a slime.

Billy: Don’t Megido me, please and thanks!

Rimuru: Huh?

[User13] has changed their name to Issei.

Issei: I’m Issei Hyoudou, 17 years old, pansexual, and I want to be a Harem King.

Uzi: A Harem King? Really? Are you just gonna collect girls, have sex with them, move on, and leave them behind?

Issei: Nope, I actually want to have relationships with my harem, along with any kids I’ll have.

Uzi: Oh…didn’t expect that.

Billy: Well… at least he’s honest!

Zap: Have you thought about a job to support your harem?

Issei: Well, I can tell you guys and gals. I’ve actually been investing on stocks since I was little, and so far it’s gone well for me.

[User14] has changed their name to Bell

Bell: I’m Bell Carnel. Age 15, bisexual, I’m gonna be an adventurer.

Uzi: So, Bell, where you off to?

Bell: Where else? Orario.

[User15] has changed their name to Taylor

Taylor: I’m Taylor Hebert. 15, She/Her, gay and trying to live life in the hell as Brockton Bay.

Billy: Oh shit...... SHE'S LIVING IN THE NORTHEAST, SHE'S FUCKED!

Ruby: What do you mean?

Taylor: Let's just say, if you were to say I'm living in Hell, that'd basically be the same as saying water is wet.

Billy: Alrighty, so, we've got Skylanders, RWBY, Familiar of Zero, Pretty Cure, Gushing Over Magical Girls, DanMachi, Worm, Wadanohara and The Great Blue Sea, High School DXD, and The Red Ranger Becomes an Adventurer in Another World on my 'shows, books and games that became real' list. @ me if you got any issues.

Chapter Text

Charlie: Hey, does anyone have time for me to rant?

Ruby: It’s only been a couple of hours, what could you need to rant about already?

Charlie: So, I went to have a meeting with the leader of Heaven’s army, in my dad’s place, so I could try to pitch my idea for my Hazbin Hotel.

Charlie: Yet he spent, like, 90% of the meeting bragging and boasting about himself, then, once I said I had a solution to our biggest problem, he spent another twenty minutes listing things that are not, at all, our biggest problem.

Charlie: Then, when I finally managed to get a word in, saying what our biggest problem is, Hell’s overpopulation, he said there wasn’t much time left, so I tried to pitch my idea before he cut me off, AND THEN saying that the Exterminations are now bi-yearly, with all of the last bit being done through song. He kicked me out of the meeting room pretty much instantly after that.

Uzi: Wait, what's his name?

Charlie: Adam? Like the first man, Adam.

Ren: You mean to tell me, that the First Man, someone who'd be all over redeeming his misguided kids, turned out to be a asshole?!

Stu: He acts like a frat boy more then anything, too.

Charlie: Yep, that happened.

Billy: What did I miss?

Issei: Ren vented about the bald prick who sued him.

Taylor: Ren’s lawyer is a fucking miracle worker. The dude managed to get him from 10 years of prison to a year of probation.

Ren: I know Philemon is fucking based. He sure shut that bitch of Nijima down.

Billy: And I’m guessing Shido was a no show to the trial.

Ren: Got it in one.

Billy: .....Adam and Shido just made my 'kill' list, once again! This time, Nifty ain't killing Adam, he's even gonna wish he died by Niffty's hands once I'm done gutting him and Shido like elks!

Stu: You mean fish?

Billy: We did that already.

Charlie: Say what?

Billy: Don’t ask.

Ren: Damn. Do you, like, need advice, or did you just want to rant?

Charlie: I mean, I’ll take advice, but I just needed to rant.

Zap: Try contacting his boss? Even if he’s the leader of the army, there has to be someone further up the proverbial totem pole than him.

Billy: Yeah, what he said, try hitting up Kirbo, he might even kick Adam out of Heaven.

Charlie: Who?

Billy: Look up TerminalMontage, it'll educate you.

Charlie: Well, for me to do that, I need to get in contact with my dad, and I don’t think it’s that bad yet.

Raiden: I'd say kill him, but getting his superior would do wonders.

Louise: Charlie, if a meeting was turned into a bragging spree, it’s time to go higher up than the person you had the meeting with. By Brimir, for us Halkeginians, doing that would be considered an insult worthy of execution! I mean, sure, as far as I’m aware, death isn’t something you can achieve, or give him, so going higher than him is a good idea. I don’t know what gripes you have with your dad, but it’ll be a good idea to get in contact with him.

Issei: ......oh shit this is multiversal

Sora: wha

Rimuru: Multiversal. A term meant to explain things that work across what we call the Multiverse. The Multiverse is a concept of how each reality is different. Sometimes these are effectless changes, or drastic alterations. For example, in my world, I was reincarnated as a slime. In another, I could be a goblin, or a demon, or a dragon.

Wadanohara: Wait… reincarnated?

Rimuru: Yes, reincarnated. I was a normal human named Mikami Satoru, granted a little different due to being a single shut-in, but I was an excellent contractor for buildings.

Rimuru: Then one day, a random knife wielding maniac was about to stab my coworker, or his fiancé, and I jumped in, and took the knife for him.

Rimuru: As I died, I began hearing a voice, somewhat computerized, like an AI program, and when I woke up, I was given the body of a slime, in a cave of another world.

Rimuru: I then met a being known as the Storm Dragon, Veldora, who gave me my new name, Rimuru, while i gave him the Family Name: Tempest, and then I devoured his prison using my Predator Skill, and am currently working to decode said Magicule Prison which was named Unlimited Imprisonment, while he’s doing the same from within my stomach.

Ren: On an unrelated note, I may have went into a subconscious.

Sora: how do you doth at one. Daily basis.

Sora: what just hapwnd to my sentence 

Billy: You probably don't know the Persona lore.

Ren: Don't worry, got some cool power called a Persona and got out with my new friend Ryuji. Also, that perv just made my shit list, I'm gonna make him weep!

Sora: yall i gave had sucg a dau today 

Asagaki: what happened?

Sora: for one Mashiro ks now a Precure 

Sora: we still only have one fone though

Zap: So, I'm currently trying to head through the Mushroom River, because Kaos is trying to use it for his own.....more unhinged and evil ends.

Asagaki: I'm prepping to take on the Break-Up King before he destroys Earth!

Billy: Buddy, don't be like Daigo and rush in alone, you WILL kill this Break-Up King, but yyou'll also get cooked too.

Uzi: yyou'll

Zap: yyou'll

Ren: yyou'll

Issei: yyou'll

Taylor: yyou'll

Billy: FUCK!

Stu: You watch Super Sentai?

Billy: Don’t ask how, I watched Pretty Cure and Kamen Rider too.

Billy: But seriously, it'd be better to bring the whole squad to jump his ass, do that and maybe you'll live to see graduation day.

Charlie: Okay, my initial analysis of you may have been wrong. Sora, you, Asagaki, Zap, Rimuru and Amamiya may be going to Heaven. Also, got in contact with my dad, so he came by. Apparently, Alastor is a bit… protective of his entertainment sources. Anyway, I got to see my dad play fiddle with malicious intent. Didn’t think that was possible.

Bell: The devil's your dad? Also, why did this Alastor person join your hotel? Should I be scared?

Charlie: Yes to the first question. For the second, well, Al wants to see sinners fail to be redeemed and thinks redemption's just one big joke. As for the third......just don't put him on TV or any digital thing, and you're fine!

Billy: Don't fuck with the Radio Demon.......he is the Eshay to end all Eshays......

Charlie: Anyway, now I need to try to talk my dad into getting me a meeting with Heaven to discuss this shit with the exterminations, so I’ll be back.

Utena: Apparently I'm an evil magical girl now!

Charlie: Huh?!

Utena: Through no fault of my own, I got turned into a succubus magical girl, and whipped my idols' asses, because this weird Venalita thing blackmailed me into doing so.

Utena: Apparently I enjoy it too.

Stu: So, I have an announcement, y’all! I'm getting paid by [REDACTED] for this, so soon enough, I may be able to get more phones for people in phoneless universes! So, in maybe three weeks, I’ll be allowing y’all to add more people to this chat. Letting you know now, so you can decide who the fuck y’all want to add.

Billy: Wait, Stu, don't! We don't need more people in this chat!

Chapter Text

Stu: So, as I said, since it’s been three weeks now, I’m allowing y'all to add more people.

Charlie: I already know who I want to add!

Charlie added Vaggie, Angel Dust, Alastor, Husk and Niffty to the chat

Charlie: Everyone, introduce yourselves!

Vaggie: Who are these people, Charlie?

Charlie: An interdimensional group chat! They’re the reason we have a meeting with Heaven in a couple of weeks! They convinced me to contact my dad.

Billy: We also might be able to fist fight God.

Ren: Or shoot him repeatedly.

Vaggie: Hm. Well, let’s hope the meeting with Heaven works, then!

Husk: Nah, all we can do is pray.  

Niffty: Huh, can we pray? We’re in Hell, so would we be asking one of our guys to save them? Would they save them?  

Husk: Nifty, I don’t know.

Alastor: I’ll pass.

Angel: Pretty sure if anyone was going to be the last to be zonked out it’s one of the freaks.

Asagaki: Hold up, an angel! Woah, amazing, I can’t believe an angel is part of our group! I have so many questions, especially about if my parents are in Heaven.

Vaggie: pfft...HAHAHAHAHA

Asagaki: Did I miss something, what’s happening?

Charlie: Umm, yeah, Angel isn’t an angel in the traditional sense. He’s one of the sinners who’s joined my hotel plan. His first name just happens to be Angel.

Angel: The hell do you mean traditional sense? What other way could it make sense?

Charlie: Because you're our precious angel, Angel. Thank you for joining us here.

Angel: Wuff, take it down a notch, you ain’t my mother.

Wadanohara added Samekichi, Sal, Memoca, Dolphi and Fukami to the chat

Sal: Wada, what did you do?!

Samekichi: Wadanohara, do we have to go through WHY THIS IS USUALLY A BAD THING, again?

Memoca: Wow! So many people!

Asagaki added Banjōji, Nikaido, Aizawa, Kataoka and Tobihoshi to the chat

Aizawa: ok i leave my phone for 2 seconds to finish my hw and people are having an existential crisis

Banjōji: Togo, what the fuck is this?

Billy: How old are you?!

Banjōji: 20

Angel: How fucked up is your life?

Sora: We forgot to mention that my friend Ageha found out about Precure stuff, which shouldn’t be a problem but who even knows anymore, because of everything going on. — Mashiro 

Billy: Should be fine. 

Stu: I will say nothing. 

Billy: STU, STOP WATCHING AHEAD OF ME

Stu: oh 

Sora: ok! 

Sora: That feels vaguely menacing but okay. If you say so. — Mashiro

Ren: Welcome to hell

Banjōji: ....Togo, if you accidentally joined a cult again, I swear, me and Miss Tobihoshi are gonna have a talk with you. After we get patched up. The Break-Up King was, as you put it, 'cracked'. And we're still stuck in this new world. And a mugger tried to steal my yen.

Uzi: Don’t worry. This is interdimensional!

Banjōji: WHY?!

Ruby: Don’t worry about it. All of our names in the chat are our real names!

Ruby has added Weiss, Blake and Yang to the chat

Weiss: Hello

Blake: Hey

Yang: Hiya!

Stu: Hi

Uzi: Welcome to hell!

Raiden added Blade Wolf to the chat

Yang: And now we're throwing the dog a bone.

Blade Wolf: Wordplay: My exoskeleton resembles a canine: canines enjoy bones. Amusing on two levels.

Billy: KDISIFUEOSHHXIEJSHDJDHDUKSHDJDKAHDJSKSBJSKSJ

Memoca: How does he know the language of the dragons?!

Billy: RAIDEN, I AIN'T GONNA WASTE ANOTHER 2 HOURS ON THIS FUCKING MINI BOSS, I'D RATHER TAKE YOUR BLADE UP MY ASS!

Angel: Whoa, buddy, save some for me!

Raiden: I'm already married, WTF?

Ren: Raiden has finally become team papa

Billy: JIOGDWGJIOG2E5U8FH23JHGLKJDWFHIOWFDVJ90IWRTJWVDF890JWRFV908JWETV890JWETG09IEWTGJ09IGWET

Ren: He's speaking the language of gods

Stu: Don't worry, Billy has trauma from playing Metal Gear, Blade Wolf was like that.

Uzi has added N, V and J to the chat

N: Hello, new people! I'm Serial Designation N, nice to meet you. I'm kind of the leader of the squad in my city. Well, that's not true, everyone tells me I'm useless and terrible. Wait, I'm not supposed to tell you that part!

J: Damnit, synergistic liability.

Billy: He's also a golden retriever in a robot body. V's more of a wet cat.

N: I also can't seem to remember the past 3 hours of my life, but I'm sure that'll sort itself out.

Billy: To put it as bluntly as possible, you, V and J were once worker drones that got turned into flying death machines by an eldritch abomination that's either masquerading as your little sis or is your little sis crashing out and deciding to commit universe genocide thanks to the rich doing what rich people do.

N: Huh.....neat!

V: WAIT, YOU KNOW?!

J: sjufiqjzuidhehskz(jdhkzi($738$8+jdjdhzi

Ren: She is speaking with the gods!

J: MOTHER OF COMPANY LEADERSHIP RETREATS, HOW DO YOU KNOW?!

Billy: Let's just say, we've been watching your past, present and future ;)

V: Oh fuck.....they know everything!

Utena added Kiwi and Korisu to the chat

Kiwi: Whoa, what the hell?

Korisu: Utena, is this why you've been acting weird lately?

Utena: Unfortunately, yes.

Kiwi: Anywho, my name's Araga Kiwi, but you can call me Leoparde while fighting! I hope we can get along well...

Banjōji: Why, why is this my life now?!

Asagaki: You joined me in, and I quote, 'curbstomping alien terrorist ass' because I treated you to sushi after we fought Rejectiondra. The cheap kind too.

Weiss: He really said that?

Asagaki: Yep, I can show you the video if you want.

Banjōji: nfowejirhtjoiwe4ht9iuy243i9tuhqe49uifh4

Ren: he’s speaking the language of the gods!

Kataoka: woah the relationship enders died like 3 week ago and suddenly the multiverse exists, we're in a new world and apparently in a groupchat with the spawn of Satan, and Nikaido-san's alive after taking the backshot from the Break-Up King for Togo.

Stu: Kataoka, pause.

Billy: I'm with Stu, that's a bit too far.

Charlie: How did you know of my uncle?

Stu: Wait, what?

Charlie: For reference, this is him!

Charlie:

Asagaki: WHOA!

Banjōji: Are we sure your uncle's not a Finalis Dominus?!

Charlie: Nope, he's seen weirder.

Charlie: Heard he banished Andrealphus and Stella from the Goetia for trying to trick him into banishing Stolas.

Aizawa: THE GOETIA EXIST?!

Tobihoshi: Matter of fact, a Marquis was banished for trying to throw out a prince?!

Charlie: Yep, saw those two working as fry cooks.

Banjōji: I can't even get shocked, those two probably deserved it.

Charlie: Oh definitely.

Issei: Damn, compared to y'all, I think I’m just comedic relief. But I know I’ll work hard to get my Harem. This is the wish of both my father and grandfather, and my unborn siblings.

Ren: I’m sorry....what?

Issei: My parents think I don’t know about my unborn siblings. I’m actually their third attempt at having a child! I may want a harem to love and cherish but it's also to give my folks a shitton of grandkids to spoil.

Billy: Damn… I have no words Issei, just stay strong and haul ass.

Bell: Speaking of which, I’ve just arrived at Orario. But I can tell you about my world. You see, the world was in chaos, thus they made the Tower of Babel to contain the chaos. Despite this, three great monsters still exist in the world. The Behemoth, The leviathan and The One-Eyed Black Dragon. With the first two were defeated by the Zeus and Hera Familias.

Zap: I’m guessing both Familias were defeated by the last one.

Bell: Yeah they were. Anyway, I’m an orphan. My mom died at birth, and my father was a supporter for the Zeus Familia. I was raised by my grandfather until he passed away. Now, I’m on my way to the Guild to get started.

Uzi: Hey, Bell, maybe you should ask the Guild if any Familias are accepting new members.

Bell: Uh, sure.

Issei: Hey anyone heard from Taylor?

Zap: Maybe she’s at school?

Billy: Well, since Taylor is not here, Louise goes next.

Louise: Very well, I’ll be blunt, my world has magic, only the nobility, which are the descendants of the Markey Tribe has it.

Stu: And the commoners don’t.

Louise: That’s right, our magic system is simple. Fire, Water, Earth, Wind and lastly, Void.

Ren: Louise..... is Void considered a ‘Holy and Lost’ Element?

Louise: Yes! The Founder Brimir was the first Void Mage, his descendants may as well be royalty.

Charlie: Louise.....is it possible that your family tree and the royal family tree have intertwined with each other.

Louise: Yes, House of La Vallière is a cadet branch of the royal house of Tristain through an illegitimate child of a king of Tristain…no. I can’t be. It’s blasphemy I… I.

Billy: Louise! Follow my instructions. Breath in, count to four, breath out, count to four, and repeat.

Louise: .........fuck I'm a void mage, aren't I?

Louise sent BookCover.JPG (Louise is in the picture, holding a black book that reads 'Void Magic for Dimwits)

Louise: It also came with a note. It from someone called Lord Of Chaos. He stated that knowing my true magic is just the beginning. Why did I get this anyway?!

Stu: Um, Louise, it was on the guide, y'all have 'Plot Fractures' to complete if you want boosts, thankfully no time limits. The book was probably a reward for admitting you're a Void Mage, apparently this was a .

Louise: I have a few more, apparently… EVEN ONE WHERE I HAVE TO COME OUT TO MY PARENTS?! HOW?! MY ASS CAN'T EVEN CONFESS TO KIRCHE!

Ruby: The rewards better be worth it for something so personal!

Louise: Um, it seems to be a Billion Ecus, a staff made of 'indestructible abyssite' that enhances Void Magic, a flying castle, and something called a Dark Elf.

Asagaki: damn tough call.

Issei: Wait until you’re more established as your own person.

Ren added Ryuji and Sumire to the chat

Ren: so…I had a so-so day.

Ren: on the plus side, more people!

Sumire: afternoon.

Ryuji: Yo, is this some sort of chat for taking down Kamoshida's castle?

Utena: what do you mean?

Sora: who?

Ren: That perv I told y'all about.

Asagaki: oh, that guy.

Ran: Well, now I know he....well, did unsavory acts with the female volleyball team, and tried to get handsy with me.

Stu: Wait, Ren's a girl?

Billy: Huh, fine by me.

Billy: Also, Ren, when you finally kick his ass, make sure to GUT THAT BITCH LIKE A FISH!

Nikaido: go on im lowkey curious

Ren: So aside the navigation tabs there's also a cutesy shop icon.

Uzi: only that it isn’t.

Uzi: first thing you see, five bucks for a railgun made with, and I quote ‘the remains of an ancient artificial god with the ammo being the blood of a void horror fueled by a thousand stars’

Uzi: needless to say I bought it.

Uzi: also bought a shirt that says ‘that’s not my problem’ for a dollar. has the picture of a frog drinking tea.

Rimuru: Found a scimitar made from the teeth of a 300000 year old void dragon there. Unfortunately, I do not have any Dwarven Gold Coins to pay for it. Turns out, you can pay with Magisteel ingots.

Sora: a railgun and scimitar? Mine began with Sora buying a pair of arm compressors that according to the description can contain the might of a ‘thousand hurricanes’ - Mashiro

Sora: they feel like silk, only one yen, bought ten pairs. Also a pair of blue shoes. - Mashiro

Sora: according to the tab, they were made of the scales of a dragon and sewed with ‘threads of a sun’ - Mashiro

Utena: Kiwi bought a hammer with the power of 'a thousand Mjolnirs' for ten yen.

Utena: I also got a Tres Magia tracker for ten yenjdjdhdhsiidhd

Utena: So, why are these fools socializing across universes?

Kiwi: unfortunately, yeah. Everyone, meet Nemo. We're trying to get her and her crush access to the chat.

Utena: Hrisihdkajduejjdjdhd

Korisu: Well, once they stop trying to kill us

Ren: Nemo's speaking the language of gods!

Fukami: I have procured a salve from the shop to upgrade my blade.

Wadanohara: Just for ten cents too! I got some books on magic!

Memoca: Apparently it was made from 'the remains of a sea devil' and comes with a 'wishbane blade'

Billy: the entirety of The Silver Scream by Ice Nine Kills on Vinyl. Only 10 bucks?

Billy: I'm in, now to waithhighjighuighu8gy87guu8gyu8guh8g

Billy: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

Asagaki: Huh?

Billy: A portal with tentacles came out and handed me the record and asked for ten bucks!

Banjōji: To be fair, incredibly cheap.

Billy: you fuck I nearly screamed

Billy: last thing I need is Stu coming here and seeing a portal to who knows where handing me a vinyl!

Ren: Ryuji got a strange salve for muscles and Sumire got a rifle.

Weiss: …you bought her a rifle?! 

Ren: it’s a prop relax!

Sumire: a rather detailed, highly exquisite prop.

Zap: Lemme try something.

Zap added Mel to the chat

Mel: Are you in charge here?

Stu: Yep, I'm Stu Macher

Ken the Butcher joined the chat

Ken the Butcher: Nope

Billy: Fuck, the Gaslight District's here too.......

Ken the Butcher: Wrong

Sora: halp

Ken the Butcher: I'm not letting Mel get hurt!

Asagaki: You done?

Ken the Butcher: I'm watching you.......

Rimuru: He's done.

Mel: i live in your walls :)

Chapter Text

Vaggie: Hey, so does anyone have time for me to rant/ask for advice? Besides Charlie, this involves a surprise for her.

Zap: I guess I could help here. Still preparing for Know It All Island, but I know what it is

Mel: Fine......

Rimuru: I'm down

Zap: So, what is it?

Vaggie: You know that Charlie and I are currently in Heaven, and going to have a meeting with the upper echelons of Heaven’s government?

Mel: What?

Yuji: Huh?

Zap: Read back up to the start, it'll explain.

Vaggie: What you don’t know is I used to be an Exorcist angel, part of the army performing the Exterminations. I defected when they tried to make me kill a kid.

Vaggie: And now, my old boss, Adam, the First Human, the leader of the Exorcists, is threatening me to help him in the coming court case - because, apparently, the ‘meeting’ to discuss the chance of redeeming Sinners is a court case - by going against Charlie.

Vaggie: If I don’t help him, he’ll reveal that I was an Exorcist to her. I didn’t want to break her heart, telling her she’s been dating a girl who used to kill her people. But now, it’s either I go against everything we’ve worked for the past three years, or her heart is broken. Obviously, I want to side with her in the court case, but I still don’t want Adam to tell her. What should I do?

Zap: Tell her yourself? This feels like something she should know, and Adam would lose leverage over you.

Rimuru: Do what Zap said! You've got this!

Mel: Also, make Adam panicked, expose him, makes it easy to make mistakes. If you want, Ken can easily mop the floor with him! Maybe he can be cemented soon after.

Vaggie: You horrify me.

Mel: The point being?

Stu added Marinette to the chat

Asagaki added Yihdra to the chat

Yihdra: What the Hell is this?

Banjōji: Our group chat, miss Yihdra.

Marinette: …Uh hi?

Stu: So, mind telling me why some guy named Hawk Moth's trying to get me to steal some Miraculous?

Billy: You watch Miraculous?!

Stu: Can you blame me? The show's endearing......despite the end of Season 3 being the start of a decline.......I was hoping Chloe stayed good!

Billy: Blame Asstruc, I guess, that brat wanted his punching bag........at the expense of good storytelling.

Marinette: Shit......Listen! Hawk Moth is trying to Akumatize you! You have to resist him!

Stu: My girl, I've been blocking him for hours. The guy tried threatening my girlfriend......had to tell bro I stabbed her to death.

Zap: Who the hell are you? What even are you?

Marinette: I can't, I'd have to tell them my secret identity! What if you tell people? What if you tell Cat Noir? What if you tell Adrien?!

Louise: This is multiversal, we'd be fine!

Marinette: This is a really big secret, but the Lucky Charm is never wrong.......So try and block Hawk Moth's eyes and ears out of your head, and please don't tell anyone.

Stu: I'm pretty sure the Akuma's along for the ride now!

Marinette: In the daytime, I'm Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Just a normal girl with a normal life. But there's a secret about me that no one knows yet......well, maybe a few people…

Ruby: Wait, What?

Marinette: Anyway. When I put on the Ladybug Miraculous - my earrings - oh wait, Hawk Moth usually beams them into your head… I can’t believe I forgot! Anyway, Tikki transforms me into Ladybug, a superhero with the power of Creation, so I can protect Paris from Hawk Moth, who turns people who are feeling really desperate into Akumatized villains. Cat Noir, my partner, has the Black Cat Miraculous, which grants him the power of Destruction. I know it sounds scary, but only when we balance each other out are we at our strongest! Even if he kind of gets me off balance with his silly jokes and his flirting…

Zap: Who?

Marinette: But what really gets me off balance is Adrien Agreste.… I’m so sorry, he just occupies my mind so much! He's this boy I go to school with. I keep coming up with all these super complicated plans to impress him, but they never get through… Mostly because they get interrupted by Akumatized villains. Then I turn into Ladybug, Cat Noir leaps in, we stop them, and we help them find another solution.

Zap: Why not tell him?

Marinette: If only that worked… Actually, I still wouldn’t be able to tell him that I’m Marinette anyway! Why must everything be so complicated… Sorry, I should be focusing more on you. Seems like the Akuma's still got Stu… No choice but to stay. You can overcome it, I know you can!

Stu: I'm pretty sure Hawk Moth's screaming that I obey, the Akuma probably broke from him.......not sure why my room became a movie set, but it works.

Ken added BreadHead and Mud to the chat

Utena added Nemo and Matama to the chat

Mud: Good morning, gents, welcome to madness!

Marinette: Huh?

Stu: Also, try the shop! Buy something!

Mel: I'll give everyone five scarab if one of uou can turn Mud inside-out.

Uzi: uou

Zap: uou

Hollow: uou

Ren: uou

Nemo: uou

Ken the Butcher: I'll give ten.

Marinette: What the hell?!?!

Ren: you tried to use it didn’t you?

Marinette: That was fucking terrifying. But I did get a advanced sewing machine, though. The fact that it's apparently run by a 'collapsing black hole' scares me.....

Marinette: the tentacle was weird, though.

Ruby: Ok, this is getting weird. Where's Taylor?

Taylor: Hello is this working never could understand Tinkertech.

Ruby: I’d say speak of the devil, but I can tell that you’re not Taylor, right?

Taylor: I’m Taylor’s father, Daniel Hebert, and I’m here tell you that Taylor went through a Trigger Event.

Billy: What?

Stu: Oh shit, Billy's pissed.

Issei: Fuck, what happened?!

Taylor: Taylor was shut in a locker with piles of used tampons and pads, and the realization that no one was coming to help her, compounded by the constant social isolation of the previous months, caused her to trigger.

Billy: WHO WAS THE BASTARD?!

Taylor: Bitch.

Billy: What?

Taylor: It was a bitch named Sophia Hess, also known as Shadow Stalker a member of the Wards. But we got her cronies.

Zap: How did she get caught?

Taylor: Well, turns out the phone (which I’m treating it like a bomb.) electrocuted the bitch with 1.5 million volts.

Zap: And the Wards?

Taylor: Not happy. But can’t do jack shit due to the mountains of evidence the phone produced.

Stu: Good. I’m responsible in taking care of these knuckleheads as the Moderator, In fact…

Stu has added Danny to the chat

Danny: Huh small world… or rather, Multiverse, I guess?

Mel: Five scarab for a jet engine? What a steal!

Ken: WHY WAS THERE A TENTACLE IN THE PORTAL!

Ken: IT TRIED TO DO UNSPEAKABLE THINGS TO BREADHEAD!!

Danny: A shop? Oh I fou-dhdhjdsjjdjfijdj

Billy: So, did you pay the tentacles?

Danny: Damnit you ass! But yes I did.

Uzi: Well what you get?

Danny: Some sort of Riot Armor?

Issei: Um, what about Taylor?

Danny: Oh right, she's at the hospital right now. We don’t know what her… wait hold up I’m getting called in.

Zap: I know that this might sound like a dick move, but I’m curious about Taylor’s power.

Issei: Maybe it’s something simple.

Danny sent Bugs.JPG (A picture depicting a swarm of ants grasping Sophia by the neck and yeeting her out a window)

Uzi: Something simple eh?

Marinette: HOW DID AN AKUMA GET INTO YOUR WORLD?!

Issei: Ok I’ve been wrong before.

Utena: You've never seen hentai, huh?

Ren: don’t buy clothes

Ren: you never know if the shirt you'd buy is weaved with the strands of the cosmos or some shit.

Ren: cotton. There is a reason it exists.

Sora: sometingswrong wi thme

Sora: Sorry, Sora bought a strand of hair and ate it. And after some training...... - Mashiro

Sora added Ageha to the chat

Ageha: Mashiron what the heck is this

Sora: The group chat Sora and I are in. - Mashiro

Sora sent HLEPHOWITRUNTHISOFF.Jpg (an image of Sora's eyes, glowing toxic blue while her entire body was cocooned in dark tendrils that sparkled, and smoke was leaking out from some gaps)

Billy: are those…tentacles? And smoke?

Billy: oh no......

Yihdra: Oh look at that, my brain's broken.

Ryuji: yo you never told us you were an eldritch being!

Wadanohara: Are you a dragon I didn't know about?

Sora: She isn't! - Mashiro

Asagaki: it's okay to be ashamed of your nature from time to time. The good thing is accepting who you are!

Charlie added Crymini, Baxter, Pentious, Lyle, Loopty, and Emberlynn to the chat

Crymini: Ugh, I don’t wanna be here, this sucks.  

Lyle: Nyeh, this place looks pretty swanky see. Not as big as my old mansion but well worth seeing all the hullabaloo.  

Loopty: Indubitably my fine friend. I wonder what fine experiements we shall endeavor upon here. So many test subjects!

Baxter: Please keep your miscreant hands to yourself, I shall partake in my own experiments, each one delicate and not requiring either of your inputs.  

Emberlynn: Oh Em Gee. This is just like my fanfics, a super deluxe hotel and in Hell. And a bunch of sexy demons who could take advantage of me and ravage me all night. Don’t mind me, I’ll be leaving my key under the welcome mat.

Pentious: There are heroes in this chat. Huzzah, perhaps we shall do battle in the near future. At last, a worthy opponent, our battle will be-

Alastor: Over in a second, especially since I’ve had the chance to review the performances of Sora, Utena, Ren, Togo and Zap. I must say, they're chips off the old block.

Marinette added Alya, Lila, Nino, Adrien, Luka, Alex, Kim, Zoe, Juleka, Rose, Max, Markov, Nathaniel, Marc, Mylene, Chloe and Sabrina to the chat

Adrien: Wait, you know what this means?

Billy: That Miraculous got added to the board of shows, movies and games that are now real and God hates me? :')

Charlie: Who hurt you?

Billy: Life, mom leaving me, getting shot at, and slowly learning that existence is but a concept in an unfeeling multiverse because all my shows are being revealed as real...........

Marinette: Damn......

Adrien: No, i finally have enough friends for a slice of life show

Stu: slice of life show???

Chloe: is this one of your weeb things again adrikins bcause i s2g 

Adrien: Chloe plz let me live out my weeb dreams

Emberlynn: Yeah, let him cook!

Mel: Hey, CCharlie My family's going to Heaven too! Well, less because of redemption and more.....uman-hay egg-ay.

Uzi: CCharlie

Zap: CCharlie

Ren: CCharlie

Chloe: CCharlie

Nemo: CCharlie

Hollow: CCharlie

Asagaki: Humans come from eggs?

Billy: Don't ask.....

Mud: We're stealing the human egg?!

BreadHead: Huh?

Mel: I did some digging and figured out where it is. Paradise Lost. We sneak our way into Heaven, snatch the egg, then SMASH IT IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE TOWN! BOOM! We're legends!

Ken: IDHELDHDOWKO84938$82092749384+_(293(

Ren: Ken's joined the ranks of speaking the language of gods!

Ken: Mel... Paradise Lost belongs to the Virtues. Haven't I ever told you what bein' sentenced to an eternity in the Inferno is like?!

Asagaki: Wha?

Mel: We're not really going after the Human egg, it's just gonna be some dumb angel egg. We dress it up, destroy it, and then no one will think twice about me being human ever again!

Zap: Why though?!

Mel: I'm sick of Ken cementing all my buddies!

Ken the Butcher: And who's fault was that?! Jack saw your nose bleed.

Lila: Excuse me, what?!

Ken the Butcher: Honest mistake. Not much we can do about that. But then, Mel straight-up told Romeo, who then told Cathy, who then told Syd...And now, I'm down a dishwasher, busboy, and two waitresses!

Baxter: All this......over her potentially being human?

Ken the Butcher: She is the prophesied human, the one who can and will literally delete the immortality the Gaslight District was given when the world ended with a snap if she so chooses! So, sorta a big deal to keep under wraps......

Mud: ......Meh, Mel's still Mel! Just now me and Breadhead know she's a horrifying creature that can erase immortality!

Breadhead: Mel's good.

Banjōji: Why are you like this?

Nino: a question i ask myself everyday, why are we here? why are we the way we are? what is our purpose? will i ever release a mixtape that isn't straight fire?

Rimuru: Anyways, we got visited by a member of the Lizardmen Tribe, Gabiru. He wanted us to serve him and defeat the Orc Armies, but his pride was his downfall, as our weakest soldier, Gobta, managed to defeat him. We are preparing for war now, to defeat the Orc Lord.

Rimuru: We also met a Dryad named Treyni.

Uzi: ok i go offline for a bit and when I come back people are having an existential crisis

Adrien: Marinette you sweet precious cinnamon bun, you kind soul you'll let me live out my weeb dreams right

Sora: web drems??????

Sora: imwrit ingwitht hete ntaclesbeca use ican' tfig ureo ut howto turthis ofbut usi ngthemas li mbsapp aren tlyis sec ondnat uretome!

Sumire: …you look adorable like that.

Ren: Sumire, that’s…actually really funny I am biting my pillow and trying to write at the same time.

Billy: you look like you’re about to either become an demon or a giant moth.

Billy: don’t know which scares me the most.

Adrien: i'm glad you asked 

Chloe: lmao rip good luck getting him to shut up bout the weeb shit 

Adrien: how dare

Memoca: go on im lowkey curious

Adrien: well bcause someone doesn't want me to go on and on i'll keep it brief

Adrien: my weeb dream is have enough friends to live out a slice of life show which is pre much just a show with a group of friends who do friend stuff together, normally they're in a club together or something and now im tamaki suoh and no one can tell me otherwise

Mud: I'd kill your degenerate ass for free!

Fukami: I just looked up Tamaki Suoh, he's a dude who woos lots of girls and is funny, so tell me, how is that like you at all?

Alya: omg savage

Nino: the savagery

Sabrina: goddamn, he ded

Marinette: lmao he just rekt adrien

Chloe: You've been taught well, sirs.....

Stu named the group Storm Goon Weebs

Stu: Finally decided on a name, lads!

Adrien: omg bless Stu

Chloe: plz don't encourage him

Chloe: also why is Lucifer's kid going to Heaven?

Chloe: Matter of fact, WHY ARE PEOPLE DYING BECAUSE HEAVEN THOUGHT HELL'S OVERPOPULATED?!

Charlie: People are idiots, Chloe. People are idiots.....

Ren: RAID ON KAMOSHIDA'S CASTLE BE HAPPENING, LADS! SENT THE LETTERS AND EVERYTHING!

Charlie: What!?

Ren: Also, thanks will be sent to Weiss, Banjoji and Samekichi for proofreading and editing.

Samekichi: Hey, least I can do...

Banjōji: The horror......why did you send me those letters? So much icky details.....

Weiss: Had to be specific too.

Asagaki: What’d you contact us for? How can we help?

Ren: I need to add people!

Ren added Makoto, Ann, Haru and Mona to the chat

Mona: Joker, why?!

Ren: ALL HANDS ON DECK, RAID IS HAPPENIN' AND WE KICKING THE PERV'S ASS TODAY!

Billy: I want in.

Ren: we got guns!

Ren: Haru owns a rotary grenade launcher now because GOD CAN KISS THE DIRT!

Haru: oh don’t be like that!

Ryuji: I have a shotgun...

Ren: pistol.

Ann: machine gun.

Makoto: revolver and was it necessary we had to make a detour to Big Bang Burger?

Sumire: a rifle and yes. The Big Bang challenge wasn’t much of a challenge to me.

Ren: Sumire you have a black hole for a stomach and your metabolism is that of a nuclear power plant.

Ren: the pin you got is nice I want one.

Sumire: I can give it to you.

Sumire: also mean. Don’t blame me for your weak constitution.

Ren: is not the same!

Ren: excuse me woman! You ate a five-decker burger in five minutes!

Ryuji: I am more amazed she didn’t dirty her clothes.

Ryuji: so much sauce.

Sumire: eh, it’s a gift.

Stu: @Charlie, get the stuff you, Uzi and Ruby were working on online!

Charlie: Why?

Charlie: I just scrolled up; nevermind! Everyone, be ready!

Marinette: What?

Mel: Huh?

Ren: We jumping a perv and rapist gym coach! Blood will be spilt this day!

Mud: Those in favor of murdering Kamoshida, say... "GO TO HELL!"

Ken: Okay, this will be good practice. One condition: Mel doesn't leave my side.

Utena: I'm worried

Kiwi: Eh, it'll be fine!

Raiden: Now you're just being crazy. So, does everyone wanna know how I got my nickname of Jack the Ripper? Actually -- why don't give you a demonstration, specifically on anyone that gets in our way and on Kamoshida? I think it's time for Jack... to come back and let 'er rip!

Soon, a delivery truck was making its way through the Metaverse to Kamoshida's castle. A robot was guarding the gate with his guards when the truck pulled up. It went up to the driver's window, which the driver, revealed to be Mud and Ageha, dressed in disguises resembling the guards, lowered.

"Konnichiwa, officer! Uh, I-I believe everything should be in order." Mud said, as Ageha handed the robot a clipboard showing the deliveries, which got approved. The back doors open and two guards entered to inspect. As the two moved around, the squad was hidden in crates, as they soon came back.

"We are pleased. You may come in, comrade." The larger of the two said, as the lock opened and fell off, squishing a guard. The gates open and the truck entered, as the group was hiding in the crates.

Guards opened the truck doors once the van stopped, only to get pulled in by the group and beaten up. The squad quickly got to putting on the guards' uniforms.

"All right, here's the plan..." Ren said, as she laid out the map. "Biscoteaux, Fallen, Leoparde, Sludge, Azure, Nitro, Mona, you're on distraction duty."

Breadhead, Vaggie, Kiwi, Rimuru, Madeline, Nagare, N and Morgana snuck into the garden, where Vaggie spotted a Jack Frost sleeping. Breadhead cut his own head off and hopped towards it as it woke up.

"Pretty bird love yummy, yummy bread." Breadhead said, as the Jack Frost went over as Breadhead opened his mouth. The demon peeked inside and tugged on Breadhead's tongue. Breadhead, in pain, slammed his mouth shut, killing the Jack Frost and awakening the other demons in the area.

"Muddy, Ripper, Gecko, Nero, Sparks, Octopus, Citrine, Cendrillon, secure the cameras and get the guards to focus on our little distraction." Ren said, as Mud, Sumire, Gabiru, Korisu, Shuji, Fukami, Zap and Raiden entered the security room. Mud snuck behind a sleeping guard when he suddenly woke up.

"Mud?" The guard said, as the group stumbled back.

"JOSHUA?!" Mud gasped, as Joshua hugged Mud. Mud pulled out his shotgun and loaded it. "How long has it been? 5,000 years?"

Joshua let go, as Mud aimed the gun. "Actually, 5,245 years. But who's counting? How's my Muddy Buddy?"

Raiden quickly slashed Joshua's head off, and Mud started beating him with a chair. "THAT WAS FOR LEAVING ME IN CEMENT, YOU ASSWIPE!" Mud yelled.

Back in the garden, Vaggie, Kiwi, Rimuru, N, Nagare and Morgana grabbed onto Breadhead's head as the Jack Frosts became a storm, as the squad make their way down a corridor.

"Three, two, one." Mel said, as the misfits were spotted flying over the glass ceiling as an alarm blared.

"All guards report to the front! A Jack Frost storm is forming! Stop it before it rips this place apart!" Mud said, as the guards make their way to the garden as the squad continue down the corridor as if nothing is happening, as the group experienced no trouble.

So far they haven’t seen Inquisitor Makoto or Princess Ann, but they had seen Princess Shiho, who'd been accompanied by three guards.

Panther had to remind herself that wasn’t the real deal, the real Shiho would never dress like a slut for a despicable man who wounded her and perverted her and everything she held dear.

As for Noir…

“Keep attacking Lord Kamoshida and there will be problems, yes sir, they will!” Oh dear, this version of Haru, naked and covered in gold, is an airhead. “I will have my father send his armies to support Lord Kamoshida! So I become his favorite an-”

BOOM!!

Suddenly, the clone of Haru blew up in a ball of fire as pieces of her flew away before they glowed pink and were violently pocketed into one another.

Noir simply rose her grenade launcher a little more…to the right.

BOOM!!!

And the remains were reduced to nothing.

“Well, that unpleasantness is put past us, onward!” Noir cheerfully declared.

“…WHAT A WOMAN!” Captain Kidd declared.

“I know.....” Skull gulped a nervous smile while he followed Noir, all while the rest gave each other looks.

“YO, COACH, I'M COMING FOR YOUR SOUL!” Billy screamed, and a blur of black suddenly emerged from the surged door, as Sumire kicked the crown from Kamoshida’s head, the man roared and seemed to want to reach for the crown before twin blasts of Psy and Nuclear magic impacted him on the back, making him meet the ground face first.

“W-W-why? H-H-how?” Kamoshida bemoaned, “I…am…king…god…demon…I…deserve…EVERYTHING!”

“Well then.....” Joker began, “Then this beating is well deserved!”

And before they all knew it they were blurs rushing at Kamoshida’s monstrous form, hitting, slicing, whipping, punching, axing, shooting.

They all landed behind Kamoshida, taking a deep breath before they struck a pose and Kamoshida exploded in a burst of black ichor and screamed, finally stuck down.

“…why are we posing?” Sora asked.

“Shh. I always wanted to do this!” Haru said with a smile.

“…Okay then where you got the table and tea then?”

“Metaverse?” Sumire muttered with the ribbon in her mouth.

“…Why do you have a cigar, Al, Mona?” Mel wondered.

“I masterminded this. Masterminds smoke cigars, after all.” Alastor remarked.

"See? He gets it!" Mona exclaimed.

“Not while with us. I don’t want meta-cancer or something.” Joker said, adjusting her gloves. “Also, I feel like my eyes are glowing. Are they glowing?”

“They are red, Joker.” Queen adjusted herself, not entirely sure why she had decided to pose and show her butt and back like that, at least it wasn’t like Panther.

Turning around the team saw Kamoshida, limping away with the crown in hand, with a huff, the team easily blocked his way out, until he was just in the balcony, looking at the war below.

A war he had lost.

“Arms down, Kamoshida.” Fukami solemnly said, "You lost.....”

“N-no…it’s always the same. Hyenas like YOU pushing their aspirations on me!”

“DO NOT!” Panther roared, “Even think of making excuses…we saw the memories.” Kamoshida flinched, “How someone bailed you out, and in that moment, you realized your status could get you of any situation...” The venom from her voice dripped and made Kamoshida flinch, “How you slowly became this…thing!” she motioned to all of him. “Forcing others to do your bidding because you were too much of a coward to face the consequences of your actions!”

“DON'T PATRONIZE ME!” Kamoshida turned around, tears in his eyes. “Do you have ANY IDEA the pressure I had? I was a winner and was handed a team of losers! I had to do something to make them winners!”

“And abusing us was the answer?” Skull asked, “Because it sounds to me like another excuse.....”

Kamoshida remained quiet.

“You took our dreams. Do you think I’ll ever be able to run the same way I did before? Nah man, and even if I did, what you did tainted that…how can I follow my old dream, when it's been tainted with your actions?!” Ryuji snapped.

Kamoshida looked to the ground.

“You abused…so many girls…and for what? A small consolation prize? Validation? A self-deserving price at the backs of our classmates?” Panther hissed, fire dancing in her hands as Carmen leaned in, hands on her shoulders.

“You tried to have me and Joker because we were the ones who told you no!” Panther snapped, “And you never will, because we're free! And we're going to return with that corrupted desire that turned you into this, and you will confess to every single evil thing you have done and then turn yourself to the police!”

Kamoshida flinched.

“And you know this is the only way. There is no escape. You ruined so many lives, and now they have come to collect, so you better have a way to make amends, because death is an escape, you will not escape this....” Joker growled.

Kamoshida remained silent, blinking, defeated. With a sigh he took his crown and tossed it to Panther.

“…Winners have the right to write history. History forgets the losers, because they can’t offer anything in return for being remembered.....” he began to glow, “If I’m going to teach you something, it's this. If you don’t win, you don’t make a difference, and I doubt you’ll keep on doing this forever.”

“Maybe...” Panther stated, eyeing the crown in her hand, Mona approaching it. “But I’m not planning on winning…I’m planning on living my life, my way. That will be my victory.”

Kamoshida blinked at her, and for the first time Panther saw a genuine smile form on his lips.

“Heh. Live huh? I really forgot why I started playing volleyball…it made me feel free.....” he glowed brighter, “I really forgot…why that victory…made me dread so much…I forgot my happiness and traded it for gold...”

And with those words, King Kamoshida vanished, a light that suddenly shot to the ceiling, vanishing soon after. Then the castle began to shake. As the group sped off in a panic.

Ren: Well, that happened.

Sora: I am going to kill someone. - Mashiro

N: what happened now?

Sora sent BULLSHIT.Jpg (a black and red poster of what seemed to be a towering Sora with energy tentacles making her hair, eyes merely a white void while the bottom half of her face has actual black energy tentacles extending and coiling around Kamoshida's head, both are clad in school uniforms and the caption reads ‘Do not call up that which you cannot put down!’)

Sora: someone in your school made Sora into a meme! - Mashiro

Yihdra: What in tarnation are you all on?

Uzi: …all hail Sorathulhu!

Ren: ...eternal she will reign!

Wadanohara: I KNEW IT!

Rimuru: Do we call her a demon lord now?

Sora: WHY?!

Zap: Damn, the soon-to-be ruler of the multiverse got so scared she learned how to type!

Aizawa: I for one look forward to the thousand years of madness.

Alastor: May I be one of your jesters when the time comes to lay waste to this land?

Rimuru: Give that world a couple hundred years, see if they can clean up their act.

Nemo: Dibs on being the chief assassin!

Sora: not you too!

Sora added Mashiro to the chat

Mashiro: Why?!

Sora: I need help!

Aizawa: 🙂

Mud: I don’t see the issue.

Sora sent images 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10 (a collection of images depicting her as a towering, draconic humanoid entity dressed in Shujin Academy's school uniform that is pretty much Sora, all in different poses and captions underneath. The main theme, the inevitable awakening of Sorathulu)

Sora: five minutes after the first poster various artists made these.

Sora sent Sorathulu_mug.Jpg (an image of a mug in the shape of a huddled Sorathulu)

Sora: and this!

Sora sent Sorathulu_shirt.Jpg (A collection of shirts with the image of Sorathulu, all with the captions ‘sold out’)

Sora: AND THID!

Uzi: thid

Ren: thid

Zap: thid

Memoca: thid

Mel: thid

Chloe: thid

Nemo: thid

Sora sent Sorathulu_plushie.Jpg (and image of an adorable plushy of Sorathulu, actually sold out)

Ryuji: yo you went viral!

Ann: forget viral you became a sensation!

Ruby: you got merch of you already sold out?

Sumire: …is it bad I want the plushie?

Ren: nope, checking the chatshop no-oh my god it is selling there!

Ryuji: Got me a mug!

Stu: …I bought a poster.

Billy: Stu!

Aizawa: are you kidding us? This is awesome!

Matama: I just bought a pair of plushies. one of Sorathulu and one of Buchimaru the Unknowable

Makoto: wait what?

Matama sent Buchimaru_the_Unknowable_and_Sorathulu.Jpg (an image of two plushies, one depicting Sorathulu and the other depicting a familiar smiling panda, nothing changed)

Makoto: SORA WHAT DID YOU DO!?

Sora: I DON’T KNOW!

Sumire: got me a plushie!

Haru: me too!

Mashiro: stap it!

Ageha: …bought a shirt, a poster and a mug.

Sora: …et tu, Ageha-san?

Weiss: the plushie is so soft!!

Chapter Text

Yihdra: So... does anyone know why Silver told me about the time Red was running across 'Tokyo' singing 'Motherland' by a band called Reach while running from a horde of skeleton lizards? And had to work with a 'dino' ninja 'Sentai' to fix it?

Charlie: What?

Asagaki: IN MY DEFENSE

Asagaki: Aizawa forgot to close the gate behind her

Asagaki: And it let a raptor necromancer raise the dead enemies of all dino and ninja Power Rangers so they can kill all humans and bring back the dino agd

Zap: agd

Uzi: agd

V: agd

Ren: agd

Issei: agd

Mel: agd

Memoca: agd

Nemo: agd

Chloe: agd

Stu: you left the gates to hell open? 

Aizawa: WHY DO YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS, REPPAI?!

Banjōji: We had to work with the Diningers to fix it, and apparently the necromancer was a rogue ninja of the raptor clan that was mad that the dino ninjas hid in the shadows while the rest of their kin suffered, and sought to rectify it by wiping out human kind

Aizawa: IN MY DEFENSE I WAS UNSUPERVISED

Taylor: I lived, bitches! Give me a few minutes to back read.

Uzi: Well......

Asagaki sent Taylor Stuff.PDF

Taylor: How did you… holy shit. You got this from one picture?!

Asagaki: ;)

Taylor: Fuck me. This is just. I can’t even.

Danny: Hey sweetie what’s… SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST!

Zap: This is…this dossier is something Eon would have in the archives.

Danny: I’ll say. A suit made of spider silk, swarms of murder hornets, possibly of controlling shrimp and crabs.

Zap: Not to mention the scouting potential. If Taylor trains her powers correctly, she will have eyes and ears around the entire city!

Taylor: And you do this as a hobby?!

Danny: Oh yeah forgot about that.

Asagaki: Perks of living next to a psycho midget german prostitute.

Billy: How would you know that?

Stu: I’m wondering about that too.

Asagaki: I was 90% sure my neighbor was a psycho midget german prostitute......and then I was kidnapped and got the Bond Brace slapped on me, and sent to fight off Mangle Mouse, who was doing wild shit at my school......and by that I mean it was cramming people inside mascot suits.

Kataoka: That's how he found out about Professor Pethagoras!

Samekichi: WHAT THE FUCK?! THERE ARE SOME THINGS ONE MAN SHOULD NOT SAY TO ANOTHER MAN!

Charlie: The gates to what?

Aizawa: shit

Ryuji: I am scared.

Aizawa: as you should be

Bell: ALSO

Bell sent MyGoddess.JPG (A picture depicting a beautiful and petite woman with a youthful appearance sitting on a chair. She had blue eyes and mid-thigh length black hair tied into twin-tails which reached down to her mid-thighs. Her hair was tied with hair accessories that feature blue and white petals along with bell-shaped ornaments. She also had a small frame, measuring only 140cm (4' 7"), which further emphasized her breasts. She wore a white mini dress with a blue ribbon around her neck and one tied under her breasts around her arms, and a pair of white gloves.)

Rimuru: Defeated the Orc Army, and had to devour the Orc Disaster. The rest of the Orcs I took in to my village, because they were starving. That’s why they were rampaging across the forest, devouring everything. In return for the food being given to them, a small respectable labor will be expected from them, helping build our nation.

Rimuru: Also.......GODDAMN, BELL FOUND A SHORTSTACK!

Issei: RESPECT!

Bell: Her name is  Hestia and you will respect her. Also, thank you for the advice, Billy.

Taylor: Hestia? The Greek Virgin Goddess of Hearth and Home?

Bell: Huh? Is that something from your world, Taylor?

Taylor: Yeah.

Bell: Hold up, Hestia wants to chat.

Zap: Does she know about the chat?

Bell has added Hestia to the chat

Hestia: I do, I’m Hestia, Goddess of the Hestia Familia. Also the tendrils are quite nice. I bought something call Eternal Starlight Braziers. 2 Valis. Each and a golden Hearth throne for 5.

Zap: I should ask.....

Hestia: No need to ask. Different worlds, different Hestias. I actually want a boyfriend… And something more…

Billy: We need to intervene on your comments about women, Slimy.

Rimuru: Fair enough. Yes, I have an unhealthy appreciation towards natural female beauty. Especially to the point where I seem like a pervert, if you were able to hear my thoughts. 

Rimuru: However, I do keep those thoughts to myself. To a degree. I do my best to ensure any appreciative comment is simple and respectable. I am not keen on losing the trust and respect of the Goblin-folk and Ogres and Orcs now under my incidental rule.

Stu: Bro, it'd be less 'lose respect' and more 'they'd think you're freaky like that'.

Rimuru: ....I'm not entirely sure how they'd take same sex relationships.

Billy: Rimuru's a girl?

Rimuru: Yep, gender change for the win!

Rimuru: Anyways, I‘m about to give these orcs names, which might take me out of commision for a few days.

Ruby: aajfidosalcgndv;pnbflsehow7iavcbfulcbqnagm

Zap: She is speaking the language of gods

Asagaki: There was the time we faced Lost All Networ-KING, he sent us into Mean Girls!

Banjōji: I still know the moves to 'Sexy'......

Asagaki: I CAN BE WHO I WANNA BE AND SEXY

Banjōji: don't you dare

Stu: I CAN BE WHO I WANNA BE AND HAWT

Angel: DON’T LIKE WHO YOU ARE, THEN HIT THAT COSTUME SHOP

Banjōji: save me from this fresh hell

Matama: Can't hear you over this freshness

Nemo: MATAMA!

Uzi: … Rock a new and different sexy look.

Aizawa: WHY BE SO DOWNHEARTED? BLAST SOME TRASHY POP

Tobihoshi: AND DROP IT TO THIS HOT AND SEXY HOOK!

Chloe: I can be who I want to be and sexy.

Chloe: It physically hurt me to type that.

Adrien: I can be who I wanna be and hot

Uzi: Be sOMebody nEw

Rimuru: DO A TOTAL TRANSFORMATION

Charlie: animals and minerals too, or even vegetation

Mel: I GIVE YOU SEXY CORN

V: I can be who I want to be and sexy!

Asagaki: As sexy Quint from sexy Jaws, catching sexy sharks

N: SEXY ELANOR ROSSEVELT OR SEXY ROSA PARKS!

Sal: I CAN BE A SEXY PIRATE OR A SEXY BALLET DANCER

Ren: I can be a sexy doctor, and cure some SEXY CANCER

Zap: that’s not right, is it?

Billy: No

J: What in fourth quarter profits is this?!

Samekichi: What the hell is this, why the hell is this?!

Alastor: For my sake, get an exorcist

Kiwi: I ain't stopping this bop

Ryuji: I CAN SEXY CURE SOME CANCER

Billy: NO!

Niffty: I can cure sex cancer?

Husk: Sex cancer doesn’t exist

Nikaido: I did it!

Kataoka: Insert epic instrumental here

Makoto: HAPOPY HALOWEEN

Ren: Lol hapopy

Chloe: hapopy

Uzi: hapopy

V: hapopy

Nemo: hapopy

Memoca: hapopy

Zap: hapopy

Mel: hapopy

Memoca: haloween

Mel: haloween

Uzi: haloween

V: haloween

Zap: haloween

Ren: haloween

Chloe: haloween

Nemo: haloween

Ann: THIS IS MODERN FEMENISM TALKING, I EXPECT TO RUN THE WORLD IN SHOES I CANNOT WALK IN

Sumire: I CAN BE WHO I WANNA BE AND SEEEEEEEEEEEEX-

Memoca: SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX-

Sal: SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXYYY!

Banjōji: At least it isn't as bad as the time Bondkiller made us fight to Uptown Funk

Nino: the family friendly school version?

Banjōji: Yes

Nemo: too hot

Adrien: hot hot

Asagaki: We beat that with the power of synchronised dabbing

Samekichi: that sounds like the single most cursed thing ever

Uzi: That's so cool!

Taylor: So......I bought some bugs and spiders from the shop.

Taylor sent Bugs and Spiders.JPG (A photo depicting a few unusual bugs and spiders, some as big as Taylor's bed)

Zap: Hey, I think one of those spiders isn’t normal.

Taylor: Hey I think you’re right…

Taylor: I spoke with the Shop admin, they told me one of their Mithral spiders escaped. Looks like I got lucky.

Ruby: And the shop?

Taylor: They offered me a few extra Mithral spiders for a nickel.

Uzi: I say take it.

Taylor: I’d be dumb not to take it.

Adrien: in other news i finished free!

V: do i even wanna know

Sabrina: i'm kind of afraid to google it 

Uzi: lmao be glad you didn't

Alya: i only have questions now

Alya: the main one being why? why are you watching a show about swimming?

Uzi: FOR PLOT

Adrien: what Uzi said

Alya: omg is it hentai

Emberlynn: it is art in its purest form

Marinette: it's hentai, isn't it?

Uzi: Nope!

Chapter Text

Charlie had opened portals so that everyone could hear the court case taking place. The devil's daughter had decided to wait until everyone else was in the room, though Adam tried to be late. Lute ultimately had to go drag him in.

“Where are the defendants?” Sera asked.

Right on cue, Charlie pushed open the door, walking in with Vaggie and a whole slew of people following her. The group went to the defendants’ box.

“Very well. Let this trial to determine the ability to redeem souls through means of this… Hazbin Hotel, begin. Princess Morningstar, you may begin.”

“Thank you, High Seraphim,” Charlie said. “Webster’s Dictionary defines redemption as-”

“Objection!” Adam called. “Lame and unoriginal.”

“Sustained,” Sera replied. “Please, no dictionary references.”

“As I was saying, the intention of the Hazbin Hotel is to deliver redemption to those sent to Hell, as an alternative for the-”

“Stop!” Sera yelled.

“As an alternative for the now-bi-yearly Exterminations,” Charlie finished. “For those of you who do not know what the Exterminations are, what used to be every year, but is now twice a year, Adam, the First Man, leads a group of angels known as Exorcists to Hell to kill as many sinners as possible. As you heard just now, the High Seraphim knew about it, otherwise she wouldn’t have interrupted me when I attempted to bring them up. These Exterminations have killed countless of my people, although we estimate that the grand total of people lost through these barbaric means to be in the millions. That is all.”

“Very well,” Sera said, glaring at the defendant’s box. “Adam, you may begin.”

“Fucking finally! So, as you know, the reason we started these Exterminations was to prevent Hell’s sinners from rising up against Heaven,” Adam said. “If we stop them now, chances are, we’ll have an army on our doorstep. That is all.”

“Very well. We shall now be looking into both arguments. Princess Morningstar, do you have any evidence that this hotel could work?”

“We just started the hotel a month ago. We have....six patrons, and progress is… slow for some of them, but they're progressively getting better,” Charlie said.

“Really?” Adam asked mockingly. “That's your evidence?”

“No we got the other five recently, and Angel Dust's only been in the hotel for a month. Instead, we’re actually going to go over numerous different cases throughout human history, and hence why I have all these witnesses. I now call Stuart Macher to the stage.”

Stu walked forward, into the center of the room, and Emilie flew up to him.

“State your name for the purposes of the trial,” she said.

“I'm Stu Macher,” he responded.

“Proceed with your evidence.”

Stu sighed, hyping himself up. "Okay, so, me and Billy.....yeah, we're shit. In fact, after all the death and pain we caused and inspired others to do, we might not make it to Heaven......." He said, as he saw Adam smirk. "But that doesn't mean people we know aren't getting into Heaven! Y'know Sidney Prescott? She was someone I went to high school with. But despite everything, she stopped me, Billy, his mom, her own half brother, even her own cousin, from killing more people! And from what I heard, she helped Billy's kid stop two crazy fans of the franchise me and Billy caused to happen, and stopped the family of one of those crazy fans from causing even more death and chaos! And if that wasn't enough, Sora saved a baby, the princess of her home of Sky Land, from being kidnapped, Taylor's eeking out a living in Brockton Bay, Bell wants to follow his grandpa's footsteps, Issei wants a harem, one where he can treat his girls, and boys if he so wishes, with RESPECT, Utena and her pals are turning an organization that slaughtered magical girls into one that only makes them flustered, which is a major step up from murdering them, Ruby and her team slay monsters trying to destroy her home and generally keep the peace, Wadanohara is working to stop a war between two kingdoms for the sake of her friend, Rimuru is currently building a town to let any kind of monster live there without persecution from humanity, Togo and his buddies saved Earth, no, the universe, from an alien invasion and numerous other threats, Ren and her pals busted a perverted gym coach on accounts of abuse and rape, Marinette and her friends defend Paris from a terrorist preying on the emotions of others, Raiden killed terrorists to defend the public, and Uzi wants to liberate her home, so drones won't have to be slaughtered for their oil and freedom! So yeah, we won't be heading to Heaven, but you bet your ass some of our friends are making it to Heaven, especially Sidney and her pals!"

“Alright. That is all. Adam, you may ask questions now.”

“How can we trust that you’re telling the truth?” Adam said.

“I can actually verify that myself,” Sera replied. “All people within this courtroom will be telling the truth about their stories.”

“No more questions.”

“Then I call the next witness to the stand. Marinette Dupain-Cheng,” Charlie said, as Marinette was teleported towards the center of the room.

“State your name for the purposes of this trial.”

"M-Marinette Dupain-Cheng...."

“Proceed with your evidence.”

“You are working under the assumption that people can’t change, but I have seen, firsthand, how wrong that is. At my school, Francois-Dupont, there is someone named Lila Rossi,” Marinette said.

“Are you going somewhere with this?” Sera asked.

“Yes, High Seraphim, just give me a moment. Lila was trying to steal my friend, Adrien Agreste's notebook, and lied...a lot, including saying she was a superhero known as Ladybug, which I was, and....after some rough patch involving an Akuma, a butterfly consumed by evil made by a terrorist known as Hawk Moth, using the Butterfly Miraculous, a jewel which holds the living concept of Transmission, Adrien convinced me to talk to her, and see what was wrong. I expected her to to try and say she'll ruin my life, but instead she agreed with me, saying that she wasn’t proud of what she’d said. She apologized to me and started trying to become nicer. And as such, people can change; you just need to give them the chance.”

“Very well,” Sera said, looking down at the portal in the center of the room. “Did she give a reason as to why she lied to everyone?”

“Apparently, back in her old school, one of her best friends was killed by a villain who was using the Butterfly Miraculous, and unfortunately, no Ladybug Miraculous, which houses the concept of creation, was there to fix it, so she wanted to find it so she could try and bring her friend back.”

“Alright. That is all my questions. Any questions?” Emilie called. Adam raised his hand. “That aren’t about their credibility, which has already been answered?” Adam lowered his hand.

“Very well. I call my next witness. Raiden.” Charlie said, as the cyborg moved forward.

“State your name for the purposes of this trial.” Emily said.

“My name is Raiden, yes, after the god of thunder,” Raiden responded.

“Very well. Raiden, make your case.”

“People of the Court, I come before you to tell you exactly how humans behave. If someone has spent millennia massacring a group of people, then when these massacres stop, the people will be tempted to rise up, ready to exact vengeance. If you stop the Exterminations now, while the chance is low, there is still a chance that the people of Hell won’t rise up. However, if these Exterminations continue, then, when they’re eventually forced to stop by something, the sinners will attempt to exact vengeance, and will march on the gates of Heaven. It is in your best interest to stop now. That is all.”

“Any questions?” Sera asked, having regained her composure after the shit that happened earlier. This time, not even Adam raised his hand. “Very well. Charlie, any further witnesses?”

“No, High Seraphim,” Charlie replied.

“Very well. Adam, you are up.”

“Fuck yeah! Angels of the Court, I come before you to tell you exactly why this is a bad idea. It is written in the Bible, and thus by our Lord, that Hell is forever. Going along with this farce of an idea would be sacrilege to our Lord. Do you really wish to commit such sacrilege?” Adam began....only for his phone to fall out of his pocket, and into Billy's hands. "Oh shit, he isn't-"

“Hold on,” Billy called, showing the phone off. “Who're these 'FallMaiden', 'MoneyMoneyMoney', 'OrcaBoy', 'Mr.V' and 'MagmaAdmiral' people on your phone? Is there something you don't want getting out, First Man?”

“Explain yourself, Adam.” Sera said, as Adam gulped trying to find an excuse.

“They're um....er.....oh, look at the time, the ribs must be done!” Adam said, opening a portal, and running though it, trying to escape.

"Shit, he's been working with Akainu, Venalita, Cinder, Idate, and Moneybone! Seraphims, get the Exorcists, tell them what happened.....we got a First Man to put to task!" Billy said.

Later, the Exorcists assembled outside Heaven's gates, confused as to why Lucifer's daughter and a band of misfits were in front of them.

“Now, I know we have our......differences, but this is much more than only one of us can handle. Adam has betrayed Heaven, and is colluding with a woman named Cinder Fall, a being known as Venalita, and a skeleton named Count Moneybone, as well as a deranged orca called Idate, and a man known as Akainu, or Sakazuki, to try and take over all of our worlds.” Charlie said. Before her stood a massive army of Exorcists, with additional people joining them. Namely, Angel Dust, Husk, Niffty, Alastor, Rosie, Zestial, Carmilla and her daughters, Pentious, Cherri Bomb, Emberlynn, Lyle, Loopty, Baxter, Crymini, numerous people wearing the outfits Billy and Stu wore, numerous Skylanders, led by Spyro, Eruptor, Trigger Happy, Gill Grunt, Stealth Elf, Cynder, Sonic Boom, Spotlight and Blackout, soldiers from the Blue Sea, numerous soldiers from Louise's world, the soldiers of the Tempest Federation, the rest of the Kizuna Five, the Phantom Thieves, the Huntsmen and Huntresses of all 4 academies, the full Miraculous team, as well as some Schiavos.

Standing alongside Charlie was Vaggie, Stu, Billy, Zap, Togo, Sora, Mashiro, Ken, Ren, Utena, Ruby, Raiden, Rimuru, Issei, Bell, Taylor, Wadanohara, Marinette, now Ladybug, Adrien, now Chat Noir, and Ren. As well as Lute.

“And now, we must put aside our differences to go through the portal, and stop Adam and this Coalition he's colluding with before they kill a man known as Portgas D. Ace!” Sal added.

“Destroy that ass!” Lute yelled, hyping the shark up.

"I want all of you to fight to the best of your ability! If that means fighting alongside someone else on our team, go ahead! If that means fighting alone and distancing yourself from everyone else so you can let loose, do so!” Charlie said.

“Do not let your training fail you!” Vaggie added.

“And you all from Ruby, Zap, Rimuru and Louise's world, remember: spare no lives. Aim to kill, and don’t hesitate to put an end to any of their minions!” Billy said. "And to the Exorcists, stick to the skies, Vaggie will be leading you from there!"

The Exorcists booed, with one shouting that they hate her.

"Now, now, I get it, we all have.....history with the traitor. But now's not the time to try and rip Vaggie's cunt mouth out her ass!” Lute yelled.

"And if accepting others can make a difference for the better, I don't see why that shouldn't apply here. And, by the looks of it, this is the only way." Wadanohara added, internally panicking because there was a lot of people she was addressing.

“Wait, you were-?” Vaggie asked, concerned about the state of the Exorcists. “Holy shit, Lyre. What the hell did Adam do to y'all?!”

".....We don't talk about that...." The exorcist who said they hated her said, now admittedly scared, and almost....traumatized.

"Okay, after this, we're taking all y'all to therapy, no exceptions." Billy said, as the Exorcists all gulped nervously, including Lute.

“I don’t know about you, I kind of find the idea of ripping Adam limb from limb entertaining,” Blackout replied.

“Save some for me, dude,” Ryuji remarked.

“Let's not fight over who gets dibs on kicking Adam around for hurting the Exorcists and the slaughter he committed against Hell,” Tree Rex chastised. “We are here to fight our enemies, seeing as they have united against us.”

“Anyway, whoever brings me the heads of Adam, Cinder, Moneybone, Venalita, Idate and Akainu will get…” Stu interrupted, turning back to the Exorcists and armies, before him and his allies. “Uh… I dunno, a million of your world’s respective money. How about that?”

Everyone but the Skylanders and Phantom Thieves, as well as those in front of the army, cheered.

Billy stood in front, pointing his knife at the portal. "Now, hear me, ladies, gentlemen and everything in between! We will fight, we will auramax together, and in the name of fucking around, we will make the Collective find out!" Billy yelled, as all the Exorcists flew through. Meanwhile, the dragons of the group carried numerous members of the soldiers, Schiavos, Huntsmen and Huntresses through, while the rest followed in bullheads, any familiars that could fly and carry them, and the airships Pentious, Baxter, Loopty and Lyle made.

Lami, who was hiding in the crowd, saw Sengoku continue to stand there, not noticing her. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a Den Den Mushi and dismissed the executioners.

“I have a truth to announce this day!” He began as speakers blared his voice over the battlefield. “Besides being a commander of the Whitebeard Pirates, there is another reason for this execution. Ace, tell them your father’s name.”

Ace grimaced.

“Whitebeard!” He yelled.

“Wrong,” Sengoku said. “We know of your true heritage.”

Everyone’s attention was turned to Sengoku.

“Your father was the pirate king, Gol D. Roger!”

At that moment, Lami realized why this entire war was happening, she thought the Marines were just morons who wanted to get rid of Whitebeard.  

‘This will complicate things, but the plan is still the same.....’ she thought as she heard gasps from the crowds of marines.

As soon as the crowd died down from the reveal, she heard Sengoku explain how his mother kept him in the womb for 20 months in order to hide him and let him live. Lami clenched her fist.

‘More of their so called justice?!’ she thought.

However, she didn’t have long to think about this as ripples appeared in the watery docks of Marineford. The ripples grew bigger and bigger, until a fleet of ships appeared from under the water. She watched as the flagship of the Whitebeard pirates, the Moby Dick, surfaced in front of the fleet.

“GURARARARARA! It’s been some time, Sengoku.” Whitebeard said, glaring but keeping his smile. “We’ve got plenty to talk about, like how you think you can execute my son!”

The man threw his hands up, before swinging them down towards himself.

Lami realised too late what was happening as the entirety of Marineford shook.

Soon, a portal opened above them, as Lami saw Billy and Stu leading a horde of various angels, bugs, monsters and soldiers through.

“Alright, everyone!” Billy called. “Get Adam, Cinder, Venalita, Idate, Moneybone, and Akainu! And here's a bonus, save Ace!”

“Pops.....” Ace muttered from his spot before frowning. He raised his voice “Why did you come old man?! This is my fault! You don’t have to get involved!”  

Joker looked in the distance to the man standing on the ship.

Whitebeard smiled. “It isn’t your fault, son!” he shouted.

It was at this stage that larges waves began approaching Marineford.

"Did he just create a tsunami?!" Angel yelled.

Admiral Aokiji leapt into action, freezing the water, and saving the island from the tsunami, giving the pirates a clear path forward on the frozen water. The other Admirals moved to fight.

The execution stand became unsteady as the armored behemoth of a vehicle appeared beneath it through another portal.

Mercury went to grab Ace, but Billy had Alastor shatter the cuffs, as he grabbed the pirate.

“Seeya!” Billy said, as Spyro flew them to safety.

Ace had no idea what was going on, first, Pops arrived, that was expected, then some weird mask guy showed up and broke him out and now he was on a dragon, a land boat broke the execution stand, and now a large island's worth of people was fighting the Marines, as well as the shadowy beasts, zombies, and clockwork soldiers Akainu's new cadets brought.

“So, can I ask who all of you are?” Ace asked.

Alastor grinned as he stood on Eye Brawl.

“Alastor. Pleasure to be meeting you, Ace. Quite a pleasure. Me and my friends rescued you for a mutual friend of ours. Now, excuse me while I̷ ̴e̷n̷d̴ ̸t̵h̵e̴ ̴l̸i̶v̸e̴s̷ ̶o̶f̵ ̸s̶o̶m̸e̸ ̴f̷u̶c̴k̵e̵r̴s̸!”

Ace took a moment to think of who, but before he could he heard an intercom come on.

“The World Government has taken my mother, my father, and my home from me.” Lami said over the intercom. Ace watched as, on one of the screens, it showed the top of the ship they were in, Lami standing on it, smirking, flipping her white hair aside.

“GUESS WHO'S BACK, BITCHES?! AND GUESS WHO'S GETTING WHAT'S COMING TO THEM?!” Lami laughed, as she leapt onto Eye Brawl. "Alastor, light it up!"

“Well, you heard the young lady, let the slaughter begin.....” Alastor said, before summoning a massive shield made of shadows, trapping everyone in Marineford. Everyone on the ground grew excited that the shield was actually causing the Coalition's weaponry to go on the fritz, and was also killing quite a few of the Coalition's Grimm and soldiers. The Angelic Steel bracelets Alastor had hid under his coat also made the shield stronger.

“The fuck?!” Adam asked, confused, as a massive blast of fire from Sunburn was thrown to the wall behind him.

“They appear to have some kind of shield keeping us in, sir!” One of the Marines reported.

“Oh, really? I didn’t see this giant fucking shield in front of me, you dumb bitch! No shit!” Yeah, Akainu glared at Adam for that one.

“DON’T LET FIRE FIST GET AWAY!” Sengoku shouted, as he used his Devil Fruit, growing and glowing golden. He jumped from some of the standing platform and crashed into the ground below. He rushed to stop the transport.

"Hail to the Whale!"

Sengoku got knocked back struggling to keep his balance. He glared at the newcomer.

“Fair warning, big guy,” the whale fishman said as he smiled, “You're in the splash zone!”

“Hmph, another pirate?” Sengoku questioned regaining his balance.

“Try a Skylander!” Thumpback said as he cracked his neck. “Regardless, I won’t let you execute someone on the crimes of a father!”

Thumpback reeled back a punch dashing towards the Fleet Admiral.

Sengoku let loose a punch of his own as the two titans begun their clash.

Angel’s tommy guns, still with Angelic Steel compensators, quickly fired off numerous bolts of magic, piercing through any clockwork soldier and Grimm that they hit, killing them instantly. He then threw Cherri up, as she tossed bombs in all directions, which killed numerous Grimm, zombies, and clockwork soldiers, and sending numerous Marines spiraling.

“All Angelic weapons, fire at will!” Pentious ordered, causing the automated weapons that were waiting on a voice command to start firing bolts of magic.

“Hey, yelling while fighting doesn’t help,” Husk scolded, throwing playing cards at the angels. The Angelic Steel button on his top hat definitely made that easier.

“They were set to only listen to his commands,” Ryuji said, using his steel pipe to bash a Beowolf's head in. Niffty quickly ran through, stabbing numerous Grimms and clockwork soldiers that, while wounded, were still trying to fight, and quickly dispatched them.

Ace frowned. ‘Why the hell are these people here? They don’t have to fight this war!’ he thought.

“Hey, Ace.” Lami said, as she approached him.

“Why did you come here, Lami?” Ace growled.

Lami looked slightly shocked at the response.

“I said it already, I won’t let the World Government take another person I care about!”

“BUT WHY THE HELL DO YOU CARE ABOUT ME?!” Ace retorted.

Everyone went silent.

“Didn’t you hear what Sengoku said, who my father is, why are you risking your lives for someone who shouldn’t have been born!” he continued. “You should have left me to die!"

Lami walked forwards and crouched down in front of Ace.

*SLAP*

Ace felt the pain on his face.

“BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU, YOU DUMBASS!” Lami said, tears running down her cheeks. “EVERYONE IS FIGHTING THIS BATTLE BECAUSE THEY CARE FOR YOU.”

"And also because Akainu was colluding with a deranged angel, known terrorists and a skeleton to take over Heaven!"

“But why?” Ace asked.

Lami hugged him.

“Because you’re not a mistake!” Lami said. “You are a son of Whitebeard, an awesome big brother, and the stupid idiot that inspired me!”  

They kept in the embrace before a rumble was heard.

"Everyone, LOOK OUT!" Vaggie yelled, as some Exorcists evaded quickly as a ship crashed in front of them.

"Who summoned the Kriegsmarine?!" Billy yelled.

“What idiot dropped a ship in our way?!” Lami snarled, as Ace made his way to the front with her.

“Probably some dumbass marine....” Ace said.

“ACE, I’VE COME TO SAVE YOU!” a voice shouted from the ship, as a young boy leapt down.

“LUFFY!” Ace exclaimed.

"Straw boy, be careful!" Ivankov added. Luffy probably didn't hear that considering his first instinct was to use his powers to catapult himself onto Eye Brawl, as Ace was quickly enveloped in a hug by his younger brother.

"Luffy, why are you here?" Ace asked 

"Silly Ace, to save you, of course!" he said.

"I didn't need saving!" Ace retorted

"Bitch, please." Lute said.

"Let me clarify, I did not need saving from my brother." Ace said

"I wasn't gonna let you die!" Luffy said

"I know that." Ace said

"But did you have to block our escape with a ship?" Louise groaned.

"What do you mean, Capey?" Luffy asked.

"My name is Louise, of the Valliére dynasty!" Louise said, smirking as she posed beside Uzi.

"Llama, alright." Luffy said, as Louise sweatdropped.

"Louise!" Louise said, facepalming.

"That's what I said." Luffy said.

"EIther way we need to break that boat to clear the route." Geld sighed. "Can whoever you arrived with help clear it?"

"Yoosh!" Luffy said before walking out the door and shouting. "OI, BOOGY, GET THE MARINE SHIP OUT OF THIS ONE'S WAY!"

"MY NAME IS BUGGY, YOU IMBECILE!" Buggy replied.

"WE'LL CLEAR THE PATH, LUFFY!" Jinbe added, causing Ace to be shocked at the arrival of his friend.

Lami tapped the intercom. "ANYONE WITH GOOD STRENGTH, HELP CLEAR THE SHIP!"

Soon, another rumble was heard.

“Kuzan's on our ass!” Stu said.

“Well then, allow me.” Tae Kwon Crow said as he climbed the hatch. “Spyro, get a perimeter view!”  

“On it, Tae.” Spyro said, as he went out a separate hatch.

Everyone started grabbing weapons and getting into their positions.

Lami stood up and went to the console.

“We’re in range of most of the Pacifistas!” Billy said.

Lami nodded as she turned on the speakers.

“This is Mechanical Repair Head, Trafalgar Lami, all Pacifistas enter reboot mode! Access key Hellfire!”  

The Pacifistas turned offline.

“That will work.” Lami said.

Elsewhere on the outskirts of the battlefield, a man was smiling.

“Lami...” Traflagar D. Water Law said. “You’re alive!”

“You know I can’t let you through....” Aokiji said as he walked towards the Beast, eyeing the crow.

“Neither can I!” Tae Kwon Crow said, before throwing some shurikens, that Aokiji countered with an ice pillar.

The men continued clashing, as Akainu broke off from fighting the Whitebeard pirates, and started running toward the Beast, but was hit by two blades. He growled, noticing the splash it created, as Nagare leapt in front of him.

“I won’t let you get away with Gol D. Ace!” Akainu said, as he used his devil fruit to start raining magma.

Nagare dodged the rain of fire before using a Fortnite-brand blueprint to create a battering ram lined with hydrants. He hit the ram, making it shoot towards Akainu who dodged the ram but not the water that hardened his magma.

Nagare smiled as he noticed cracks in the ice. Suddenly, geysers of water spouted up, as Zap popped out of one and rushed to pelt Akainu with lightning.

"You're stubborn, I'll give you that...." Sengoku cursed, as he was knocked back by another punch.

"He's got you on the ropes, Senny!" Garp said.

"Garp, get your ass up here and help!" Sengoku shouted.

"Fine...." Garp said as he rushed at the whale, only for Lute to intercept him.

"If you so much as try and hurt Thumpback, I'll rip an eye out of your face....." The angel growled, rushing at Garp.

Qrow and J flew overhead. They'd seen something that didn't seem right in the chaos of the battlefield. According to Lami, one of the least likely risks was Doflamingo, since he had no stake. Now, the two were watching him make his way straight for the transport at a slow but steady pace, taking out anyone in his way. Qrow and J landed in front of the man and raised their weapons.

"Didn't see you as the type to care about this." J said, hoping the man would divulge the info.

"Fufufufufu, I do not care for the pirate king's spawn...." he said before summoning string clones all around Qrow and J, and grinned. "I'm interested in Trafalgar Lami!"

"The ship is coming down at a steady pace." Pentious said, as Ann landed beside him.

"Good! We need to get going, this is getting annoying!" Ann said, before leaping back into battle, as Haru kept up the explosive volley, knocking out most marines and killing most of the Grimm and clockwork soldiers with the impact.

"Quite the flashy power." a voice said, making Pentious turn to see a clown fighting the marines as well.

"Who the hell are you, Mr. Rednose?" Pentious asked.

The clown turned to him with anger in his eyes.

"I'LL BLAST YOU WITH A BUGGY BALL FOR INSULTING MY NOSE, YOU SNAKE BITCH!"

"Hold on, I didn't mean to offend, Mr. Clown!"

"You'd better not be," Buggy warned, dodging a zombie shark, and head butting it. "I'm sensitive about my nose."

Nearby, Jinbe was dealing with his own group of Marines, internally wondering how likely leaving Buggy behind was. He used his fishman karate to take down another set of Marines that dared approach the vehicle. He saw a strange girl take out a marine trying to sneak up on him with energy tendrils from her face. He turned and nodded in thanks to the girl, who leapt deeper into the fray.

"Hey! Jinbe, right?" a voice asked.

Jinbe noticed a young robot approach him, taking out Marines, Grimm, animatronics and clockwork soldiers on his way.

"Yes." He responded.

"Any chance you could throw me into that group over there?"

Jinbe nodded, internally wondering what his plan was. He threw him, and noticed the shockwave produced when he slammed a guitar onto the ground.

“Risking your life for sinners?” Adam taunted. “That’s some crazy shit, even for Lucifer’s brat!”

“Those sinners....are her people, you would do the same if Heaven was getting raided by Hell!” Sora spat.

“I don’t even know what the fuck you’re yappin' about! You shoulda stayed in your place, girlie-” Adam was interrupted by Sora slamming her fist into Adam's gut, launching him into a wall.

“That's Sorathulu to you, swine!”

“The fuck? That hurt!” Adam yelled, as Sora merely continued glaring at the First Man, who laughed as he stood up. “Okay.” Adam rushed at Sora, as the engaged in combat, axe vs gauntlets.

Zombies were getting decapitated as Sal rushed through them, before chopping off a zombie shark's fins and slashing a zombie seagull in half, not long before slicing a zombie dolphin's head clean in half. A zombie squid rushed ferociously towards Sal, but whiffed the attack and was promptly punished with a kick to the face. The squid powered through the stagger and tried one more time to clamp him with its sucker, but can't hit him, who sliced off the arm with blinding speed. Samekichi made his way past a zombie orca, but not without kicking a pan, using it as a boost. The pan hit the squid's face, imprinting its face's outline on it, and Memoca charged up a laser and fired it, cutting a rock formation in half in front of the zombies, who stared in panic at the falling stone before getting crushed. Samekichi landed, while Memoca landed next to him, satisfied.

"That was... quite excessive, don't you think?" Samekichi asked, as Memoca shrugged.

Cinder sighed as she saw Billy and Stu. "So, you and your group must be the new hope that is keeping the dragon away."

"Oh, you mean lizard lips?" Stu asked. "Yeah, he's scared of us alright. It learned that it prefers being sober and not facing our crackhead courage!"

"I see. And who exactly are you?"

Billy balled his hands into fists and put them on his hips, puffing out his chest. "The name's Billy Loomis, he's Stu, and we're here to fuck. You. Up!"

"Ah, I see. Well, I certainly wish you luck in that endeavor. I certainly wouldn't want to be facing myself right now."

"Really? And why is that?"

"You see, I recently just acquired an immense power that was thought of to only be legend until recently. And I have her to thank back there for being too scared to accept it herself."

Billy looked at Cinder, then at Pyrrha, who was being brought to the Beast to heal, a questioning look on his face. "...Prove it."

A sinister grin came to Cinder's face, a pair of obsidian swords appearing in her hands. "As you wish." The two charged at each other, Cinder swinging her blades down onto Billy's knife as he parried the strike.

Moneybone guffawed as he parried Ken's cleaver and Raiden's sword with his cane. "I have spent centuries building up my empire. Countless years of hard, mostly dishonest, work. And you and my former assassin have come to try and tear it all down."

Grim Creeper growled. "Not try, we will tear it all down."

Moneybone chuckled. "Well, it is not going to happen! You see - I am the richest of the rich, the most brilliant of brilliant inventors, and the most absolute of rulers to be known throughout Skylands: Count Moneybone!"

Mud aimed his new SMG at Moneybone. "Keep going on, and you oughta get a bullet in ya skull!"

Moneybone gawked at this. "Who are you to me, Grim Creeper and friends? Nothing! Just minor bumps on my road to victory, a few insignificant little bugs that needs squashing! And courtesy of Adam's steel, Cinder's magic and the funding of the Marines, I've got just the thing for that."

Grim was shook. "What do you mean?" Grim asked.

Moneybone smirked. "You'll see soon enough." He leaped into the treasure pile and out came a large mech resembling a crocodile.

"I built it just for you, Grim Creeper! The Skullcroc! My greatest creation, and the thing that'll finally rid me of you and your pesky Skylanders, once and for all!"

Uzi let loose another blast of energy, keeping Kizaru at bay. She noticed V and Angel in the corner of her eye, rushing into the swath of Grimms, skeletons and Marines after presumably taking out Boa Hancock, if Angel's prior battle cry of "I'M GAYYYYYYYYYY!" was anything to go by. She dodged another blob of magma before giving her best smug grin.

"STAND STILL, YOU COWARD!" Akainu roared as he kept swinging and missing.

"Sorry, I like living, Volcanohead!" Uzi said, laughing as she swatted him away, sending him into a wall.

"Just a little more...." Lami muttered as she watched the final pieces of the marine ship bend and buckle under the pressure of their heavy hitters. She looked over her shoulders to see Luffy and Ace gorging on the food from the fabricator.

'Let's hope Law doesn't murder me when I find him...' Lami thought as she looked at the brothers.

"It's clear!" A bunch of voices shouted as Lami saw the last of the ship start falling apart.

She put her feet on the accelerator of the Beast. It lurched forwards as it made its way through the bisected ship.

"It should be smooth sailing from here!" Lami laughed.

"Lami, why did you say that?" Vaggie asked.

"Because it will be!" Lami said, grinning.

Vaggie sighed. "Maybe. But remember the last time someone said something like this, we got stuck fighting a war."

Lami's face went white as she realised she jinxed them. Not even seconds later strings formed a cage around the forcefield as a man leapt onto the ship. Doflamingo.

Whilst Doflamingo reached the transport, elsewhere on the battlefield, two warriors were fighting.

"You throw a good punch." Lute said, smirking.

"BWAHAHAHA! So do you, short stack!" Garp said, returning the smile.

"Despite that, your justice is weak." Lute said. "You would convict a man for the sins of his father!"

Garp frowned at that, as he dodged a punch.

"He should have been a marine, then."

"Would it make a difference?" Lute asked, making Garp falter for a second. She soon landed a punch, believing she knocked the old man out, instead Garp was just thinking.

'Would it have made a difference?'

"Fufufufufufu, what do we have here?" Doflamingo said, as he floated in the air.

Ace grabbed the intercom. "Guess you really are a bird on a leash!"

Luffy looked confused. "Why would a bird be on a leash?"

Lami groaned as Doflamingo smiled

"I'm not here for the spawn of Roger, I'm here for Trafalgar D. Lami!" he said, as he used his strings to cut a chunk of the Beast out, exposing the three of them.

"What the hell do you want with me?" Lami asked as she gave an incredibly sassy glare at the man

"Your brother owes me something. Yet he remains elusive, so what better than to grab some bait whilst I'm here?" Doflamingo said, as he used his devil fruit to wrap Lami in string. Before he could try and retreat, however, Yang and Wrecking Ball both rushed him down. He dodged Wrecking Ball's attack and swiftly dispatched Yang with a kick.

However, this left him open to get dragged into Wrecking Ball's mouth as he gave the last laugh to his opponent. Doflamingo attempted to escape the suction, clinging onto the railing, but when even that does not work, he tried to shoot Wrecking Ball as the gap was closed. However, Double Trouble fired a beam from his staff at the gun to turn it into a wooden cutout of itself, much to Doflamingo's surprise and panic. With no remaining options left to save him from his rapidly impending fate, Doflamingo can only watch as he gets sucked closer to the grub.

"Hey, Feathers! You got wrecked!" With all his hard-boiled fury, Wrecking Ball spun Doflamingo around and around, causing sparks to surge off him, before launching him far into orbit towards the forcefield, leaving Doflamingo screaming at his own demise, as he crashed into the forcefield, turning into a fine red mist, as his jacket fell onto Zap.

Togo smiled as he saw the attack out of the corner of his eye.

"Sucks I couldn't contribute." He said as he and the Kizuna Five doused Akainu. He watched as the man dodged another spout of water.

"Apologies." a voice came from behind Tsukasa causing her to turn in shock, as Kuma loomed over the group.

The five dodged the paw attack from the large man, but noticed Akainu had disappeared in the brief moment they lost focus.

"Woah there! Okay, new plan, Billy... interrogate and annoy!" Stu yelled as he dodged a fire blast, all the while asking questions. "So, Cindy, guess all this was because you were mistreated when you were younger, huh?" Stu said, as Cinder paused, only to growl.

"Congrats, you insolent ass, I'm skipping the torture.....and going straight to turning you to embers!" Another blast and dodge.

"Ah okay, so Cinder, question, what lead you to being here? Dreams of great power? Wealth? Revenge?" Billy asked.

"Depends, do you believe in destiny?" Blast and dodge.

"What a question. But if I had to answer, I'd say I think that we're free to create our own destinies. If you never know what tomorrow might bring, why not make the best of it?" Stu replied.

"Your answer is interesting." Cinder remarked. "But it won't save you. You see, I've always wished for power and respect. All I needed was to meet the right person to help push me in the right direction." She began surging with a fiery aura, large flames appearing in the palms of her hands as her eyes glowed brightly. "And now that I possess the power of the Fall Maiden, I can finally thank her... by destroying YOU!" Cinder brought her hands together and sent a wall of flame straight at the two. But the duo didn't falter, instead deciding to just stand there as the flames enveloped them. Cinder smiled maliciously, convinced she had won...

"WOW! That was some blast!" Cinder's eyes widened and out stepped Stu and Billy, not a scratch on their suits. "But I gotta say, not your smartest move."

Cinder was flabbergasted. "B-but how?! That was my strongest blast!"

"That's the power of buying flame resistant suits! Lemme tell ya, they're cheap!" Billy remarked, dusting his coat off. "Now, let's dance!"

As the last clockwork robot fell, Moneybone came up from the treasure pile as he groaned. "What do I pay you all for!?"

Raiden looked at Moneybone, growling. "You can't pay robots, you know!" He sniped.

The Skullcroc touched down as it started spitting clockwork leeches to slow them down. But thanks to Grim's ghost form connection, the living armor took out all the leeches. Grim soon used a biting skull attack as an ethereal skull bit down and the mech's systems before disappearing.

"Guys, Leapfrog!" Grim yelled, as Mud crouched down as Ken leapt over and crouched. Breadhead jumped over the two and crouched down, paving the way for Mel to do the same, as Gabiru did as well. All of them paved the way for Grim Creeper as he ran on their backs, jumped off of Gabriu's back, scythe in hand. He flew towards the Skullcroc and latched on to the head.

When Moneybone saw this, he tried to shake the reaper off, but Grim planted the Scythe into the power core, destroying the mech in the process.

After he reunited with them, they cheered knowing that they had won. They all highfived each other, but there was no time for cheering just yet. As Moneybone stood up from the remains of the mech, and glared at Grim Creeper.

"You!? You think you have won? Hmmm. You think you have beaten me?!" Moneybone snarled.

Grim Creeper smiled. "Your suit's destroyed and you are basically vulnerable. So just surrender." Grim said.

Moneybone decided to put his fists up. "I don't need some suit to beat you! I'll take you on with my bone hands! Come on, Grim Creeper, put up your dukes!" He snarled.

Grim sheathed his scythe, "If you say so."

Grim ran towards Moneybone as the Count tried to jab at him. But Grim grabbed his fist and turned Moneybone's body so that he was facing the window. Grim cuffed both of Moneybone's hands as he decided to do something creative. Grim took Moneybone and he slammed the count into the wall, knocking the skeleton down.

"We're moving again, only a bit more before we reach our destination!" Lami said, grinning.

"Our numbers are dwindling, though." Marinette said. "We might need to end this quickly before we get overwhelmed!"

Lami went to respond but was cut off by an shudder in the beast.

"The back wheels are melted!" Weiss shouted, grabbing Myrtenaster. "We don't have time to change them, we'll have to go by foot!"

The remaining occupants of the Beast nodded as they climbed the hatches to exit the vehicle.

"You heard Ice Queen!" Nemo said, shanking a marine who tried sneaking up on them. "Keep Ace safe!"

"No way we're losing now!" Ryuji said, as he clubbed another.

"RUNNING AWAY, EXPECTED OF A COWARD LIKE WHITEBEARD!" Akainu shouted as he stomped towards the group.

"Shit!" Lami said grabbing Ace's arm "We gotta move fast!"

Ace didn't move.

"A FOOLISH OLD MAN, WHO PICKED UP TRASH TO MAKE HIMSELF FEEL STRONG!"

"SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!" Ace shouted back. "YOU WOULD NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT POPS HAS DONE FOR US, DON'T MAKE FUN OF THE MAN WHO SAVED ME!"

Ace rushed at the man, flames ablaze. It was no use however as Akainu shrugged it off and landed a punch to Ace's side making him stumble a few meters away.

"Ace!!" Luffy and Lami shouted.

"You're just fire, but my magma can burn even fire!" Akainu said as he walked forward.....

"I wouldn't be too sure!" N said, as his laser hit Akainu, sending him flying into Cinder and Moneybone, as Adam rushed at Ace, enaging Rimuru in a duel between axe and scimitar.

“Did you really think I wouldn't see through your little trick?" Idate said, casually dodging every attack, chuckling. "I have been curious, driven by the desire to explore the boundaries of life and death."

Idate held upon a soul before it dissolved, as he picked up Charlie by the neck. "My actions, your actions... They're born of the same curiosity, the same desire for control. You know what you're capable of. How easy it is to... Erase mistakes. Start over and over until you get what you want. Don't let a soft spot for these 'Sinners' fool into thinking you're any different from me. Deep down, you're just as much of a monster."

Vaggie made to help Charlie, only to get tackled by Cinder, trying to stab her.

“Charlie!” Vaggie yelled, concerned. Idate started chuckling as he prepared to kill her… until two fists and many blasts came out of nowhere, punching him in the face and sending him flying into Cinder, Adam, Akainu, Sister Gigante, Venalita and Moneybone, right into the wall, shattering half of Adam's mask, revealing his true face. Charlie, meanwhile, was caught by the wielder of the fist.

“Dad?” Charlie asked, as he looked at her fondly.

“Sorry I wasn’t here sooner, sweetie,” Lucifer said.

"You brats should stop loafing around on a battlefield!" 

Ace looked up to see his Gramps smiling at him.

The world was silent as the Hero of the Marines defied his duties to his job, to save his family.

"Eh?" Utena said, and also looked that way. Her gaze drifted up, and her mouth twisted upwards in a huge smile. Her eyes glowed, gaining star shaped pupils. "T-t-T-t-Tres Magia...!"

Three girls floated above them, sternly scowling at the now broken wall.

Hovering at the head of the trio, a lovely pink haired born leader, clad in pink and white.

"Magia Magenta!" Utena said, hearts flowing out of her.

With a fist resting on her hip, a petite blonde with long hair, wearing white and yellow.

"Magia Sulphur!" Utena panted, her face heating up in a blush.

The tall one of the trio, a cool beauty with long aquamarine hair, floated at the other side of Magenta.

"Magia Azure!" Utena cooed, swooning.

“Huh?” Adam asked, incredulous, as he pulled himself out of the wall, as Akainu cracked his neck, and Cinder dusted herself off, Idate growled, Venalita groggily got up, Sister Gigante shook the dust off, as Moneybone put his skull back on. “Okay, seriously? How many of you freaks do I have to fight?!”

"You want my grandsons?" Garp said. "You're going through me first!"

"Defending the spawn of Roger, claiming him as your grandson. You have made a mockery of the marines!" Akainu snarled.

Garp laughed, grinning. "I could say the same for you. You're everything I hate in the Marines!"

"It was your evil presence, that which we felt, what drew us here!" Azure pointed her wand at Adam, Gigante, Idate, Venalita, Cinder, Moneybone and Akainu. "So it was you who shattered reality, you sick bastards!"

“I'm with the big guy. See, you seven messed with my daughter, and tried to kill the son of a good friend of mine, and hurt my daughter’s friends, and from what I heard, the lava guy's ruining the rep the Marines have as peacekeepers, so now, I am going to fuck you!” Adam looked at Lucifer in confusion, Akainu was shocked, Idate looked amused, Cinder blushed, Gigante looked bored, Venalita was shooketh, and Moneybone's jaw literally dropped, as Akainu put it back in place.

Magia Magenta blinked at Lucifer. "Eh?"

"Don't worry, Magenta," Sulphur said. "He's.... probably a dumbass..."

“This idiot is your girlfriend’s father?” Lute asked incredulously.

“Yes, unfortunately,” Vaggie replied.

Everyone stopped fighting. Husk, Gabriu, Raiden, Benimaru, Hakurou, Samekichi, Nemo, Rigurd, Korisu, Nagare, Louise and V looked disappointed that they had to know Lucifer. Alastor, J, Geld, Shuna, Rigur, Togo, Matama, Dolphi, Sora, Wadanohara, Breadhead, Cherri and Pentious looked confused. Angel, Issei, Bell, Ageha, Shion, Mel, Kiwi, Tenri, Sal, Memoca, Emily and Buggy looked amused. Shuji, Nemo, Fukami, Souei and Mashiro face-palmed. Tsukasa, Gobta, Utena, Uzi and Ren burst out laughing. Ryuji looked like he just popped some pills. Everyone else, Marine, Schiavo, Exorcist, Grimm, zombie, clockwork soldier, or resident of another universe looked confused, too.

N shifted one of his arms into an electronic megaphone, then put it up to Nagare's mouth.

“It’s “fuck you up,” sir!” Nagare yelled.

"Then you're just criminals!" Akainu said, as he readied his fist.

Garp smiled as he readied his own.

"See the thing about attack dogs, they aren't that smart!" Garp said as he dodged at the last second.

“Wait, what did I say?” Lucifer asked, before being attacked by Adam, Gigante, Cinder and Moneybone. He then got out of Adam’s grasp and started dodging their attacks, same as Sora, Tres Magia and Garp. “So, this is what you’ve been up to since Eden? Gotta say, you really let yourself go buddy.”

“You judgin’ me?!” Adam asked, furious. “You’re the most hated being in all of creation!”

“Well, your first wife didn’t seem to hate what I had to offer, or the second. Bow-chicka-wow-wow.”

"You probably were trash in bed, honestly," Azure said, starting to swoop down as she dodged Adam's blasts of light. "HAVE AT THEE!"

“I’ll end you!” Akainu yelled, trying to punch Azure.

“Woah, missed me! Wow, not even close. BWAHAHAHA! Nice try, douchebag!” Garp laughed, casually dodging Gigante, despite her size.

Utena jumped back instinctively as Azure hit where Cinder had stood with her staff, the impact sending pieces of stone flying everywhere.

Garp stood before Idate in a gigantic form. As Idate loomed before him, Garp ran forward as Idate looked down onto him before extending his hand out and summoning several floating orcas. Garp tore through them with ease before dodging several strikes as Idate, turned to Garp, who leapt into the air and attempted to fire a laser, only for him to dodge as he punched through Idate, as his gigantic form exploded before falling down immolated. As the body was blown apart, Idate flew out of it, and tried to summon several portals, only to fail before turning to Garp dashing at him.

“Hold still, you nuisances!” Cinder yelled, as Charlie started running to help Vaggie. However, Adam sent a massive laser at Marineford, splitting it in half, as Adam tried to rush at the group, as the Coalition leaders saw three fists flying at them and rays of light.

"DEVIL...."

"GALAXY....."

"TRES......"

"HIROGARU...SKY...."

"CRASH!/IMPACT!/BLITZ!/PUNCH!"

“Woah, wait, what the fuck?!” Adam yelled, confused.

"Impossible!" Venalita yelled, panicking, as they knew this would end them.

"What?!" Moneybone exclaimed.

"How in the hell?!" Cinder yelled, trying to parry it.

"You...haven't escaped.......execution yet.......you damn.......pirates! Justice will prevail!" Akainu screamed.

"Oh dear......." Idate muttered.

The strike sent Idate, Adam, Cinder, Moneybone, Venalita, Gigante and Akainu down into the Beast. No, not on. Into. Sadly, it wasn’t enhanced with angel magic, so they lived, but oh well.

“You come at me, and my daughter, don’t forget you’re in my house, bitches!” Lucifer yelled, as he, Sulphur, Sora and Garp started punching the hell out of Adam, Idate, Akainu, Cinder, Venalita, Gigante and Moneybone. Then, right as Lucifer was about to kill them, Sora put her hand on his shoulder, shaking her head at him, as the four leapt our of the Beast. “How’s mercy taste, you little bitches?”

Moneybone looked up at Lucifer in defeat, growling. "You think this is the way to treat a count!?" Moneybone snarled, as the nine tumbled out....as Akainu, Gigante, Venalita, Cinder, Emerald and Mercury only groaned in pain.

“No…” Adam snarled. “You don’t get to end this.” He climbed out of the hole he was in. “I’m fucking Adam! I’m the fucking man, and you’re just some fucking clown or something. I started everything on Earth! All of mankind came from these fucking nuts! All the humans working alongside you came from me!”

“Nope,” Lucifer said. “They’re all from different universes. Their dead don’t appear in our universe, so you can’t be their ancestor.”

"Well.....shall I be on a stroll, then?" Idate asked, only for Sora to boop Idate, as the orca collapsed, out cold, as Sulphur punched Moneybone's lights out.

“You all should be worshiping me, you ungrateful, disgusting, fucking losers!” Adam ignored Lucifer, only for Garp to punch Adam in the face, knocking the first man out cold.

The battlefield fell silent once more as a Marine, a hero, three magical girls, and a devil stood fists high in the air, as rain fell onto Marineford.

Sengoku realised they may as well have lost. If Garp quits, the morale surely won't carry on, Whitebeard still lives, Akainu was revealed to have been part of a group trying to kill the Five Elders and take over the World Government, he heard from one of his Marine cadets that almost every kingdom was seceding from the World Government due to Lami streaming this, and other dimensions were real. Oh, and Marejois was set on fire by Lucifer's flight on his way here, so there's that.

"This one will go to the pirates." Sengoku said. "But the Marines have won too. Much like with the pirates... It's time for a new age of the Marines."

He looked at the shit eating grin Whitebeard sported, he knew they planned to kill him this day, yet now the marines had been dealt a heavy blow

However, he couldn't deny a part of him is relieved.

"Trafalgar....." he muttered remembering the kid his son talked about over encrypted messages.

Koby ran with Helmeppo through the battlefield.

"Why are we running?!" Helmeppo asked.

"We can't abandon Garp-san!" Koby said as Helmeppo nodded. They got to the remains of the beast and watched as Garp was loaded onto a stretcher by the Whitebeard pirates. 

"Yo!" A voice said as Koby came face to face with the 1st division commander, Marco.

"Let us help transport Garp." He demanded.

"Bwahaha....." Garp laughed, lacking most of his usual gusto. "You still following me, Koby, and you made two new friends?"

The pink haired boy smiled

"I won't give up on helping others, even if my dreams of being fleet admiral might be shattered!" he said.

Garp smiled, as he wondered if Ace and Luffy would accept another brother.

Whitebeard smiled as he looked over the chaos of Marineford, he'd expected this to be his last stand, rescuing his son from certain death. 

Only for a group of misfits to upstage his rescue.

'Cheeky brats...' he thought.

He watched Ace as he helped his brother up to the Moby Dick, helped by the girl who started this whole impromptu rescue operation.

"My son...." he said as Ace walked to him. He knelt down. "Welcome home."

Ace smiled.

"Who's the DILF with the weird mustache?" Angel asked.

Whitebeard almost laughed at that blatant disrespect.

"DUDE!" Ace groaned. "He's my captain!"

"Ah..." Luffy said "Then you're alright."

"GURARARARA, you're pretty direct, brat! If I didn't know the answer I would have asked you to be one of my sons!" he said, smiling.

"Nah, I'm gonna be king of the pirates!" Luffy retorted.

"Can't blame an old man for trying." he said, before turning to the group with Ace.

Lami gave a slow wave, as Billy, Lami, Stu, Charlie, Ren, Louise, Marinette, Issei, Taylor, Bell, Uzi, Zap, Ruby, Togo, Wadanohara, Rimuru and Utena gulped, and Raiden only looked tired.

"You're the cheeky brats who beat me to the punch." Whitebeard said.

"Yep....." Lami said, nervously.

Whitebeard smiled

"Do you want to be my sons and daughters?" he asked

The group bluescreened, as Raiden facepalmed.

"Sorry, they're idiots." Raiden muttered.

Whitebeard laughed, as Ace facepalmed as well.

Luffy collapsed.

"LUFFY!" Ace shouted as his brother fell to the ground. "Marco! A doctor please!" He shouted.

A coin landed on the Moby before a blue sphere appeared over it. Suddenly there was a man where the coin is.

"You called?" Law asked.

Law sighed as he got Straw Hat stabilised. The surgery was a success, and he would live. Ironically, it took him longer to convince Fire Fist to allow him to work on his brother. He sighed as he moved through the Moby's packed infirmary to the door.

"Taking a break?" Marco asked as he looked over the injured.

"Yup." Law said as he left the room.

He made his way through the ship, getting eyes on him as an outsider to the crew. He didn't care however, whilst he initially came because straw hat interested him at Sabaody, he had another mission now. He made his way to the cafeteria as he spotted the person he was looking for.

He walked over and sat beside her.

"It's been a while...." he said

She sighed. "Yup...."

Law decided to fuck rationality and hugged his sister.

"Geez, when did you get so huggy?" Lami remarked.

"Fuck off, I thought you were dead!" Law retorted.

"So did I, how the hell are you alive?!" Lami asked

Law grinned as he created a sphere.

"Ope Ope no Mi." He said.

"How the fuck did ya get your hands on that?" Lami asked.

Law frowned. "Someone helped me get it, I owe a lot to them....."

Lami noticed his frown and decided not to press

"I was cured by Vegapunk." She said.

Law looked surprised.

"I thought someone on his island helped you, Didn't think he himself did."

"Dude is the type of person to copy a devil fruit and call it a failure due to something as simple as colour, as much as I respect him, he's nuts!" Lami said.

Law smiled.

"So. Fire Fist-" he said, before getting a spoonful of potato in his face.

Blackbeard was not having a good day, as he paced back and forth on his ship's deck. 

'FUCK!' he thought 'Some new players had to mess up my plans!'

"Captain...." Van Auger said.

'Years of planning....up in smoke, if I wanted to become a yonko, I needed a slot open!'

"Captain."

'I couldn't falter now, I won't forsake my dream!'

"Captain!" 

Blackbeard breathed in, turning to Van Auger.

"What?!" he asked before seeing a weird man with orange hair standing beside Van Auger.

"Marshall D. Teach, huh?" he said, extending a hand.

Teach smiled sensing the killer instinct coming from the man. A new crewmate, maybe an ally?

"That's me." he said.

"I have a proposal....how about we team up?" He asked. "I assure you, Shadows, we have a dream of our own....."

Teach smiled.

Things got a bit more interesting.....

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE MISSED THE BATTLE?!" Shanks shouted at Marineford.

"IT MEANS YOU MISSED THE BATTLE, RED HAIR GO HOME!" Sengoku shouted back.

As for what happened with Adam and the Coalition? Well......

Adam was bawling as he, Idate, Moneybone, Venalita, Gigante, Emerald, Mercury, Akainu and Cinder, now stuck in janitor uniforms and shock collars on their necks, were stuck with cleaning Heaven, for every person they each slaughtered. "This isn't fair! I'm the original dick! Mankind came from my fucking nuts! Why am I back on cleaning duty for the next few millennium?!" He bemoaned as the Coalition was cleaning the court hall, as a giant angelic dragon assigned to make sure the nine stayed on task glared at him, as Adam whimpered as he got back to work.

Cinder clung to a pillar, whining pathetically. "No! My nefarious plans, all ruined before they happened!" She fell to the ground, now stuck with a bucket on her head, bawling her eyes out, before she gulped as she felt the dragon glaring at her.

Chapter Text

(REDACTED) has changed their name to Lami

Charlie has added Lute and Lucifer to Storm Goon Weebs

Taylor has added Lisa, Brian, Alec, Lily, Sabah and Rachel to Storm Goon Weebs

Utena added Haruka, Sayo, and Kaoruko to Storm Goon Weebs

Wadanohara added Mikotsu, Uomi, Sheep, Stella, Tsuribari, Old, Tatsumiya and Meikai to Storm Goon Weebs

Zap added Spyro, Stealth Elf, Cynder, Eruptor, Gill Grunt, Flashwing, Whirlwind, Scorp, Slobber Tooth, Pop Thorn, Rocky Roll, Fist Bump, Scratch, Terrafin, Trigger Happy, Wrecking Ball, High Five, Dune Bug, Star Strike, Bat Spin, Flip Wreck, Chopper, Food Fight, Tread Head, Countdown, Wind Up, Cobra Cadabra, Zoo Lou, Bumble Blast, , Deja Vu, Roller Brawl, Grim Creeper, Echo, Slam Bam, Fright Rider, Funny Bone, Fling Kong, Blades, Bat Spin, Chop Chop, Sprocket, Pop Fizz, Jet-Vac, Fryno, Smolderdash, Torch, Trail Blazer, Lightning Rod, Wham Shell, Punk Shock, Hot Dog, Rip Tide, Ghost Roaster, Stump Smash, Camo, Zook, Hex, Sunburn, Ignitor, Flameslinger, Double Trouble, Voodood, Sonic Boom, Prism Break, Dino-Rang, Bash, Drill Sargeant, Drobot, Boomer, Bowser, Cortex, Spotlight and Blackout to Storm Goon Weebs

Rimuru has added Geld, Gabiru, Benimaru, Hakurou, Shuna, Shion, Rigur, Rigurd, Souei, and Gobta to Storm Goon Weebs

Lami has added Lilith, York, Shaka, Pythagoras, Atlas, Edison, Ace, Luffy, Nami, Sanji, Zoro, Usopp, Boa, Brook, Garp, Mihawk, Shanks, Buggy, Alvida, Law, Whitebeard, Jinbe, Robin, Chopper, Franky, and Uta to Storm Goon Weebs

Ace: Yo

Uta: What the?!

Stu: Yo, Ace, whazzup?

Ace: whazzup

Danny: Ayy

Uzi: Ayy

Cortex: Let's get these misfits ready for total world domi- I mean, awesomely heroic do-gooding! And stuff.

Mel: Bro, are you trying to make us minions?

Cortex: no.......

Bowser: GWAHAHAHAHAHA! Did someone page the king of awesome?

Billy: Zap, you know CORTEX FROM CRASH BANDICOOT AND BOWSER FROM MARIO?!

Utena: Who?

Bowser: Unless you nerds were livin' under a rock, which, if you are...get out! How do you even EAT down there?!! ...Scratch that, I'd rather not know....

Bowser: I don't think I gotta have an introduction! I'm just that big of a deal, baby! I guess I can make sure the rock-dwellin' losers know my name well too. I might even get a couple minions outta it!

Bowser: I'm Bowser, the supreme leader and ruler of the whole Koopa Troop and kingdom, and I've pretty much been callin' the shots since I was a baby Koop! I got a wonderful little boy, Jr. (ask about his mom and I'll fry ya!), and seven...fellas working under me known as the Koopalings! Now you might be askin', if I'm a king, how come I don't have a crown? Well, I figured that my long, flowing locks should do the talking! Me and my troops are all about evil plans, especially those to do with the way lamer, wuss-ville Mushroom Kingdom, where those linguini lapping Mario Bros. laze around in!

Buggy: Well, Koopa, you're in the flashy presence of the awesome, smart, and most devilishly handsome Buggy! You may call me Captain Buggy as I'm, naturally, the star of this chat! I was just rampaging through Orange Town until Straw Hat and his stupid friends came by and messed everything up! I was even sent flying away from my body (I will explain that in a bit). It really seems like luck has always been so damn sour ever since Shanks caused me to eat the Chop-Chop Fruit!

Shanks: Oh yeah, I guess you need an explanation of THAT as well. On ACCIDENT, I made Buggy eat the Chop-Chop Fruit, which allows him to chop himself into pieces. I know, I know, a power like that may sound like it sucks ass.

Buggy: And it is, but being a Chop Man means I'm IMMUNE to being sliced! That means any damn swordsman cannot harm me at all! Even Straw Hat's stupid samurai friend, who is supposedly the second strongest on the crew! I even kicked his ass during our first encounter!

Zoro: I only got better though

Banjōji: already see braincells dropping

Bowser: ....are y'all okay?!

Cortex: How do some of you even function?!

Aizawa: spite, violence and a bit of unhinged weaponry 😃

Rimuru: Drinking too!

Buggy: .....I'd ask you to join my crew, but I’m now fearing for my immortal soul.

Ren: oh. new blood. Welcome, try the shop.

Bowser: what shop?

Bowser: huh… a wonder seed for one coin.

Bowser: well it’s one coin what could bebdgchfgcjgcv

Ren: Goddamn, I trolled Bowser!

Bowser: WAS THAT A TENTACLE?

Zap: Yes

Buggy: You have access, to a shop with a flashy tentacle.

Shanks: I'm worried that they're not kidding

Futaba has hacked into Storm Goon Weebs

Futaba: I vote we call him Lopez

Futaba: Oh crap I forgot to change my name to......

Ren: Ah yes the gremlin is here

Futaba: Mwehehe

Ren: How are you struggling with social interactions in real life but your first response here is to name the tentacle Lopez?

Futaba: The internet is my home

Uzi: Mood

Futaba: Indeed

Garp: That’s my grandson! Even the most popular diva wants to see his antics!

Uta: And stay off him, snakes

Boa: Should that also apply for you, bunny?

Ace: Don’t snakes eat rabbits?

Shanks: Atta girl! Get your woman!

Billy: Why does Luffy have a jar with someone inside?!

Edison: If someone legally declares Honey Queen kidnapped and isn’t a pirate doing it, then it counts. Until then, she’s pressganged crew.

Zap: Should her level of nudity even be allowed?!

Lilith: Of course it is! We’ve already filmed how many murders by pirates? This is natural!

Weiss: Even the jar?

Lilith: Especially the jar.

Shanks: Fuck you.

Mihawk: You wish.

Weiss: I’m fining the Red Hair Pirates for having to make me see this. Old men flirting.

Buggy: Should’ve seen him on our old crew.

Shanks: You’re just jealous. 

Buggy: Fuck off and die before I shove a Buggy Ball down your throat!

Ruby: What did he say?!

Uzi: So that's why there's a naked lady made of goo trying to hide behind me while crying at J?

Uta: ....would it be legal if we say it's dubiously lesbian activities and legally not quite kidnapping?

Boa: Kuja induction ritual, that works

Billy: And now I've learned about the Kuja from a group chat

Sora: apparently I have voices in my head now.

Blades: Are they funny or scary?

Buggy: There's a difference?!

Sora: while playing with Elle, I was getting chastised by a bootleg, hobo version of what Mashiron would call Bakugou.

Stu: the fuck you mean bootleg?

Sora: …it was just like him, but older…also grouchier.

Sora: he was saying that I was using his 'quirk' without permission, I am barely aware of the black energy whips and the smoke, now I float at random and he disapproves of my stance in general.....saying I should hunt some demon lord called All For One.

Billy: How the fuck are we supposed to run All For One's fade?!

Billy: I'm not even sure they know they're not in the same universe as the guy!

Sora: he’s like that grandfather who sees only bad things in the new generation and says that back in his day things were better and stuff.

Stu: sounds like a great guy.

Sora: I manifested a realm.

Sora: pretty much told him that if he wanted his power back he should return to life.

Alec: I think you killed that guy, Sora!

Mikotsu: Wadanohara, sweetie, your friend went for the kill shot!

Uzi: As expected of our Lord and savior, Sorathulu!

Futaba: Sick burn, bro!

Bowser: 

Buggy: Did you really have to flashily assassinate him, Sora?!

Mel: She went for the kill!

Sora: this bald dude laughed his ass off and there was this guy who looked sick and chuckled.

Sora: then a pretty woman manifested. Apologized and all but said there was little they could do right now.

Sora: and then I accidentally separated them from their powers and locked Kudo and some Bruce guy in the deepest pits of my mind.

Sora: still hear those two begging to be let out as they were put in the box

Billy: Good.

Whitebeard: Well, a bit of insanity never hurt anyone! Look at Roger and me!

Zap: How many islands were destroyed, again?

Buggy: Too many and not enough.

Whitebeard: We stopped counting after a hundred and thirty!

Roller Brawl: …old pirates are scary…

Garp: Oh?

Uta: Old marines too.

Ace: Tell me about it.

Mashiro: I am currently staring at an official poster of Sorathulu made by the masters of posters in North America.

Mashiro: they only made official, limited-edition posters for the PreCure.

Mashiro: I am holding it.

Mashiro: I am holding…a COLLECTOR’S EDITION version of Sora.

Sora: also I have a glass-carved Buchimaru inside a glass dome as big as my head.

Sora: with lights. On my bed.

Makoto: my hate for you is eternal.

Sora: I can give it to you once I get Charlie to open a portal.

Makoto: I still hate you for making Buchimaru part of some outer god lore thing fab.....

Makoto: but I accept.

Shaka: we're not a cargo moving service!

Makoto: snow globe Buchimaru.

Ren: he-he, nice.

Lavenza has hacked into Storm Goon Weebs

Lavenza: don’t be mean with her Trickster.

Ren: me? You’re the one who suggested that if this continued on, she would become integrated into the collective unconscious of humanity.

Ren: honestly I’m not looking forward to having a Persona that looks like Sora.

Makoto: and now you know how I feel about Buchimaru becoming a mythos in an outer god nonsense.

Ann: And they roped me into a mess

Ryuji: Hey it wasn't our fault

Makoto: No I have to agree we stoked the fires too much

J: Will I get context

Ann: I'm not comfortable saying it but these idiots may have roped me into a blackmail situation where me and the girls have to model.....nude

Zap: Fuck

Roller Brawl: *le gasp* the baby swore

Buggy: I suggest a flashy exorcist, I nominate Shanks!

Shanks: Why me?!

Buggy: need I remind you that you banished an ancient sea god by drunkenly rapping?!

Shanks: Oh, that incident.

Buggy: I still don't know where Roger got the boombox from!

Alvida: SHANKS BANISHED A GOD BY CHALLENGING IT TO A RAP BATTLE?!

Buggy: While plastered, I might add.

Deja Vu: You would get wasted too if someone just admitted they're gonna model naked!

Ryuji: HEY WE DIDN'T MEAN TO

Ren: Ryuji is technically right. Yusuke, a student of our next target after Futaba, offered to paint Ann and we ended up tagging along and getting in trouble by accusing his sensei Madarame

Ren: His terms for not reporting us was for me, Ann, Haru, Futaba, Sumire and Mokoto to model nude

Ruby: WTF

Ryuji: Damn perv

Ren: Ngl I didn't think it was for perverted reasons, he strikes me as the guy with 0 social skills

Danny: …so is homicide out of the question?

Ann: YES OH MY GOD WAIT A LITTLE!

Uzi: no no let’s go kill this guy.

Alastor: I agree.

Nemo: Dibs on shanking him!

Samekichi: No! Show some restraint!

Whitebeard: What the shark said!

Makoto: listen you maniacs!

Whitebeard: Dump him in the ocean, it'll keep you off legal records!

Garp: Eddie, don't encourage them!

Makoto: ANYWAYS

Makoto: Yusuke’s art is being used by Madarame. He claims is to help him while he works away his artist's block and he does it out of some sort of dependence on the guy and paying a debt.

Makoto: yes he asked me, Ann, Ren, Futaba, Haru and Sumire to pose naked but I think he fails to even grasp at the implication of it. I think he sees us as models and not…girls, so no lust in there.

Ann: honestly not being seen as a sexy girl kinda sucks.

Makoto: and I do bear the guilt of the issue that presented itself but we needed to figure why he is the only apprentice of Madarame when Madarame claims he trained several more in many interviews.

N: Maybe his other apprentices left? He seems chill like that

Sumire: …I decided to browse the web on anything regarding Madarame’s former apprentices and…things aren’t good.

Sumire: most if not all have committed suicide. Claims of plagiarism…Madarame destroyed their lives.

N: Damn....

N: Does it count as a change of heart if we take a buzz saw to his skull?

Aisha: DIBS ON SHANKING HIM!

Ren: we saw the inside of his mind…he has this statue, made of gold, like a fountain.

Ren: it is made of people encased in gold and it screams.

Ren: he calls it his ‘spring of infinity’ and clearly states it is how Madarame sees his apprentices. As a source of infinite wealth at the cost of their wellbeing.

Ren: Yusuke might at first feel like a freak for asking us to pose naked so he can paint us, but he is also a victim. We already saw what it did to a grown man.

Ren: I refuse to let it happen to someone else if I can avoid it. we all know how that goes.

Futaba: There's a reason I told her to do that after she changed mine.

Spyro: I know a good black-market doctor who can change it for one of a dragon.

Jet-Vac: what

Spyro: Some things are better to not ask

Billy: Just eat it and pay a dinar

Stu: You'll like it here in Serbia

Charlie: Birthplace of Constantine

Zap: In Serbia

Uzi: THERE'S SO MUCH CORRUPTION

Aizawa: In Serbia

Marinette: We invented the miniskirt

Mel: In Serbia

Memoca: In Serbia

Banjōji: Really?

Memoca: IT WAS RIGHT THERE

Futaba: …okay…give me a minute

Futaba: okay give me ten minutes you write a lot.

Charlie: Ren.

Ren: so it appears my room is bugged.

Ann: the comment about seeing you half-naked notwithstanding.

Ren: presented herself as Alibaba and asked me to change her heart once she got confirmation we can change hearts, I don’t know why she wants it.

Ren: gets cagey.

Futaba: you would too-the fuck you mean there is a cognitive god around?!

Ren: keep reading it makes sense.

Futaba: you pissed off a cognitive god?!

Ren: read dammit!

Hex: is this one of those things that happen normally?

Futaba: self-learning sapient robots?

Futaba: serial killers who survived literal gods?

Futaba: The devil's daughter is running a rehab hotel?

Futaba: cyborg ninja fighting terrorists?

Futaba: magical girls?

Louise: I prefer being called a noble

Futaba: fish people and witches?

Futaba: Pirates with super powers trying to find an ancient treasure?

Whitebeard: It's called the One Piece!

Futaba: ZOMBIE GANGSTERS HIDING A HUMAN?

Futaba: WARRIORS THAT HUNT SHADOWY BEINGS?

Futaba: A REALM IN THE CLOUDS GUARDED BY A GANG OF SUPERHEROES, BOWSER, DONKEY KONG, CRASH BANDICOOT AND NEO CORTEX?

Futaba: WHAT'S BASICALLY FEATHERMAN BUT WITH NO BIRDS AND THE POWER OF BONDS?!

Futaba: I was born in the wrong universe! This is ten times better than Featherman XY!

Ryuji: those are fighting words!

Ren: okay the team is gathered, now explain to me why you want your heart changed?

Ann: yeah we kinda reserve those for the turbo assholes.

Futaba: …okay…here goes.

Futaba: as of a week ago I can’t leave the second floor of Sojiro’s home.

Futaba: …I…I…see my…mother.

Futaba: she…she died…I…I…

Futaba: I don’t remember.

Asagaki: this is bad, she's in stage three!

Ren: this…comes in stages?

Asagaki: this is the kind of shit you see before someone becomes a Flatliner

Raiden: I assume you are as young as Ren or younger?

Futaba: I’m…sixteen.

Asagaki: we got time to maneuver.

Asagaki: but there is an issue.

Asagaki: …what is your mother telling you?

Futaba: …I am to blame for her death.

Ren: that’s bullshit.

Futaba: …you really jumped there fast my man.

Ren: I am just pointing the obvious.

Asagaki: mmmmh.

Asagaki: stop me if I make you feel uncomfortable.

Asagaki: did…you came to the conclusion your mother hated you on your own?

Asagaki: or someone told you she hated you.

Futaba: …

Asagaki: take your time.

Futaba: …letter.

Futaba: …men in black.

Asagaki: as I suspected. Thank you.

Danny: okay who do we have to kill?

Buggy: I'LL GET THE BUGGY BALLS!

Shanks: This is a kid, bro!

Uta: DAMN!

Buggy: THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT! YOU SAW THE BUGGY BALL IN ACTION!

Nikaido: the pipe yearns for teeth.

Sal: You got the super depression?

Banjōji: this is worse than that

Futaba: …should I be worried?

Ren: meh.

Asagaki: no murdering…yet.

Tobihoshi: it's…just like the rest?

Asagaki: worse.

Uzi: how?

Asagaki: some were aggravated by Harkyock, Risan, Betrayis and Zekkouha, all because they wanted to destroy bonds.

Asagaki: others, and in Futaba's case, were provoked, maliciously I might add.

Asagaki: this was planned and deliberately done to ruin the life of someone! And for what?! Because they could?! Because they wanted something?!

Futaba: …will…testament…suicide note…hate…my fault…

Ryuji: bullshit!

Ryuji: it is not your fault they put the idea in your mind!

Futaba: she hated me I killed her why can’t you guys see I don’t deserve help!

Ren: because if your mother hated you why she would leave it written in a testament they had access to?

Futaba: …I don’t follow.

Billy: So testaments or last will are basically what you leave to others. You also leave it to someone you trust.

Billy: did any of those guys say anything about material inherited or looked trustworthy?

Futaba: …there was…a line…I think…I don’t…know…maybe…

Futaba: …shit…research…papers…data! Data! Mother’s research!

Uzi: we got a cause!

Banjōji: what your mom worked at?

Futaba: applied Psience.

Cortex: ALL THIS OVER MIND RESEARCH?!

Futaba: it…okay let me remember…I think I have some papers I smuggled…here we go.

Futaba: studies of the realm of the mind, basically studying the Metaverse, cognitions, and what have you.

Futaba: …I don’t know why Sojiro had a lot of her papers, but I was able to smuggle some with me when I lived with…my relatives…I hate them.

Futaba: all her work…all I have here…and I think it’s incomplete…

Futaba: you don’t mean…

Ren: there's a killer loose within the metaverse.

Makoto: the psychotic breakdowns have been happening for as long as two years, it was just half of last year they started ramping up.

Aizawa: and when you think about it, the only reason Ren can travel to the metaverse and knows about Personas is because someone overplayed their hand.

Futaba: motherfuckers…assholes…I…I…

Futaba: I can still hear her…it’s faint…it insists I killed her, I ruined her.

Tobihoshi: okay how could you have killed her? or ruined her? makes no sense.

Futaba: she…It insists that having me was the greatest mistake it could have made and…should have focused on her career and…

Futaba: .....they wanted her research, didn't they?

Futaba: …someone killed mom…

Futaba: someone…killed my mom.

Futaba: …all for her research……

Futaba: someone is going to die…SCREAMING!

Cortex: TIME TO POKE INTO HER MIND AND MAKE SOMEONE RUN THE FADE!

Fist Bump: You're learning, buddy. Slowly, but you're learning

Chapter Text

Roman has added Blackbeard, Laffitte, Jesus, Auger and Doc Q to the chat

Roman: Welcome to hell!

Blackbeard: What is this place?

Doll: We're called Yzma and the Cronies

Zarc: I'm the boss of this group, Zarc, the Supreme Duelist! KNEEL BEFORE ZARC! KNEEL BEFORE YOUR MASTER!

Zarc: Sorry, split personality, thinks he's the Supreme Duelist. My brain's still a little scrambled from, y'know, trying to keep up with a crowd that only wants blood. BECAUSE HEAVEN FORBID THEGREAT ZARC PENDRAGON GETS TO JUST HAVE FUN!

Hawk Moth has hacked into the chat

Hawk Moth: Dueling Devil, I am Hawk Moth. Your life has been used as entertainment for others, with no regard to your well being! But I will give you the power to combine all dimensions, and YOU will be the one who seeks entertainment! All I ask in return is that you bring me Ladybug and Cat Noir’s Miraculous!

Neo: thegreat

Blackbeard: thegreat

Blitzwing: thegreat

Doll: thegreat

Sundowner: thegreat

Sage: thegreat

Hawk Moth: what

Zarc: FUCK

Blackbeard: Damn

Jesus: You okay?

Zarc: NOPE 🙂

Laffitte: 

Yzma: How could that brat claim he leads this group?! Why, I am more competent!

Kronk: But you think Kuzco would have turned out better.

Shogo: Exactly! If I had my way, I'd be back home!

Kiara: You and me both, bud.....

Kyoya: Ah c'mon, it ain't that bad!

Shogo: Speak for yourself, you got super speed, dude!

Kronk: Well at least you’re taking your anger out on statues and not the real king of Falmouth, or Kuzco.

Zarc: And that's Yzma's manservant, Kronk.

Kronk: Hello :)

Harley: Hmm, now what's this? Do I feel something squirming its way beneath my skin? An invasive, foreign little germ? After all this time?... Ah, but I see... You. It’s been a while since I’ve seen a human. I can’t say I remember seeing your face before, so you can’t be an employee, surely.

Blackbeard: Nope, I'm the next Pirate King!

Eggman: WHO DARES ATTEMPT TO HACK INTO THE CHAT!? ONLY A FOOL WOULD BE BRAZEN ENOUGH TO TRY TO TAKE OVER MY NETWORK!

Blackbeard: ME!

Roman: Blackbeard's a human.

Eggman: Wait a minute. You're just a regular human?

Blackbeard: I ate the Dark-Dark Fruit, I am no mere human!

Eggman: Well, this is rare. More often than not, it's an annoying two-tailed fox trying to hack into my systems, followed by an even more annoying speedy hedgehog coming in to infiltrate. Now, just who are you, and what is your business here?

Blackbeard: Me and my crew just got here. So, wanna tell me who you are?

Eggman: You… wish to educate yourself on my brilliance? Heh! Ha! Well, you didn't need to bother with the sneaky approach for that, surely! I'm certain that you've already run into a number of inferior sorts on your way here that wish they could measure up to yours truly. Obviously, none of them can measure up to the truly incomparable complete package that is me, so you should feel grateful that I'm willing to indulge an audience such as yourself with the far more superior tale of my own history. Especially since I'm in such a good mood today! If I wasn't, well…I'd already be cleaning you out the dustpan for just daring to snoop around. Metal! Infinite! Sage! We have a new minion and/or guest here who wants to learn about my wondrous being! Fetch snacks!

Sage: Yes, Father.

Infinite: Really? I don't suppose this is your latest method in how to interrogate hostages in cruel and unusual ways, is it?

Eggman: I don't suppose you'd like to be a guinea pig for those "methods" yourself?

Infinite: Uh… no, not exactly.

Metal Sonic: And yet you still seem unhinged.

Eggman: Now, I should need no introduction, but…I am Dr. Ivo Robotnik, radiant revolutionary, creative combatant, efficacious engineer, mechanical mastermind, former CEO of the LEGO Corporation (a tenure which would have lasted much longer had certain blue spiky complications not arose), and the greatest scientific genius in the world! But no thanks to the help of a certain little blue pest and his entourage, people know me better under the moniker of "Dr. Eggman". Nevertheless, I've since reclaimed that petulant playground insult and nowadays just hearing the phrase "Eggman Empire" strikes fear into the hearts of the masses!

Vathek: This man makes omelets seem worrisome

Eggman: Besides, I like eggs. Symbol of life, proven brain food, and their flattering little shape reminds me so much of myself! On that note, I'm also especially fond of fried chicken and hoagies. A world ruler should have all the elements of a true epicurean, wouldn't you think?

Harley: And....unfortunately he is my associate in science. My name is Harley Sawyer. I'm called "The Doctor." (No, not what Zarc calls his trump card. Or whatever Neo calls her new chainsaw.) I’m a neurosurgeon by trade, and I consider myself the foremost expert in my field. I first came to the attention of Playtime Co when I was recruited as part of the Young Geniuses Program. They obviously paid attention to my work early on. But, that spineless cowardly backstabber Elliot Ludwig was intimidated by my drive, my desire to push forward, no matter the cost, and he…removed me from the program. No matter, Leith Pierre came crawling back to me soon enough, and even made me the Head of Special Projects, to work on the company’s little side project, the transformation of humans into living toys. Of course, when I saw what Playtime Co had become, I was not pleased. Declining profits, failed experiments, people constantly seeing things they shouldn't. How was that anything less than complete failure? It was pathetic.

Harley: Luckily for them, I had the idea we needed. The Bigger Bodies Initiative. The creation of giant toys, increasing our workforce and simultaneously decreasing the number of lawsuits and people on our payroll. However, back in 1993, I was backstabbed yet again. Leith Pierre decided, after a series of trumped-up, overblown “failures”, that the only way forward was to turn me into an experiment myself, forced to disgorge my knowledge to the nobodies he got to replace me. Still, after the Hour of Joy, as unseemly as it might have been, I’ve been better than ever. I’m closer to the end of my golden path, barring interference from Poppy and her…followers.

Hosshiwa: i've been hit with the sudden realisation of my insignificance

Hosshiwa: like i know i'm super rich and my daddy was a prime minister but like i could die and it would change nothing

Blitzwing: ok so i know that your having an extensional crisis rn but i can't read the word daddy without cringing

Namakelder: daddy kink ruined my life

Oresky: me and Namakelder spend all our time with hosshiwa, we live in a constant hell in which we're reminded of daddy kink

Hosshiwa: tf is daddy kink

Sage: i'm like an innocent flower and even i know what daddy kink is

Yarnaby: Same here

Shogo: dont even talk about daddy kink

Zarc: the 'nam flashbacks

Vox: you know i live in constant fear of Zarc's search history

Roman: Flatscreen, give Dragon Kid a lil credit, every teenage boy knows how to use incognito mode

Shogo: i taught him how to do it yesterday

Neo: :)

Diligence: I swear, Roman, if you've bought a FILTHY RANCOD ROTLING into the chat

Neo: rancod

Blackbeard: rancod

Zarc: rancod

Blitzwing: rancod

Kiara: rancod

Sage: rancod

Doll: rancod

Sundowner: rancod

Starscream: And this.....this is why I need sleep

Sundowner: buddy, we barely sleep as is!

Megatron: so what's up

Kronk: not my self-esteem

Sage: mine neither :')

Yarnaby: I'm dead inside

Vox: what the FUCK have you heathens done to yarnaby kronk and sage they were such pure sweet positive people

Shogo: heathens i am a l e r t

Doll: *suicide squad flashbacks*

Monsoon: That's an exquisite meme, may I steal it?

Doll: no

Mistral: You heard her, keep off

Jetstream Sam: didn't you die?

Harley: I fixed her

Kyoya: anyway

Zarc: The heck's a Miraculous?

Hawk Moth: They're the magic jewels belonging to the superheroes.

Harley: Very well. What is the purpose of these jewels?

Hawk Moth: This is none of your concern!

Roman: Flutters, he's just curious, you can tell us. Besides, the chat's multiversal!

Hawk Moth: .......if used together, they can make a wish come true.

Harley: Could we make any wish come true?

Eggman: Dibs on first use!

Shogo: We could theoretically go home!

Kiara: Wooooo!

Shogo: Yeah boy!

Hawk Moth: No! The Miraculous, and the wish, will belong to me!

Jesus: can I pet Yarnaby when we meet?

Harley: While yes, Yarnaby does indeed crave affection from time to time, annoyingly so, 'scritches' would only be implemented from individuals foolish enough (probably including you) to dangle their appendages toward his ravenous maw. The fools would get what they deserve, which is to be the owner of a freshly bloody stump.

Jesus: If that happens, well, fate decided it :D

Grimm: what?

Monsoon: whoa, I may think free will's a myth, but.....are we sure you're okay?!

Sage:

Roman: Goddamn, the big guy has cajones!

Lugnut: Megatron will respect you if we meet!

Diligence: Lugnut, Roman, YOU REALIZE WHAT HE SAID IS CONCERNING!

Megatron: Lemme know how that works out, I wanna see natural selection happen.

Blackbeard: What're you talking about?

Doll: For context, this is what his mouth looks like! 

Zarc: Do you want that biting your hand off?! Cause he can and will do that.

Vathek: I would rather not be an amputee, no matter how many free parking spots I get

Jesus: Nah, if fate states I lose my hand, then that's that

Blackbeard: Who let his mouth work like that, tho?

Harley: I made it, turns out Yarnaby's mouth hit some.....complications.

Roman: Yeah, apparently Shadows and his gang strongly believe in fate. Something about him having a weird thing called the Will Of D.

Diligence: Does it come with LACKING BRAINCELLS?!

Jesus: No, Law and Lami are pretty smart, considering they left the World Government without legs to stand on. It just means that you change the world, and can make the Celestial Dragons pray they don't meet you in a dark alley

Doll: THEN WHY ARE YOU SO CHILL ABOUT YARNABY TAKING YOUR HAND?!

Jesus: If fate decides I lose a hand, that's that, I lose a hand 🤷‍♂️

Vox: For fuck's sake, Roman, you picked the crazy ones!

Sage: No swearing

Roman: No, I picked the ones with decent skills.

Blackarachnia: And you wonder why we're scared

Enorme: Y'all are high, I kinda like that.

Harley: And I'm still concerned about the fact that ZARC KEEPS BUYING PLAYTIME CO FURNITURE

Harley: I'm worried that our lair is gonna become a man cave of weirdness

Zarc: You're just mad I got the Bron coat racks...and also apparently the toys are part of an outer god mythos

Shogo: what

Zarc sent Bron_the_Insurmountable_and_Buchimaru_the_Unknowable.JPG (a poster depicting Buchimaru with a certain red brontosaurus on Sorathulu's shoulders, not much changed about the dinosaur, aside from the fact he looked more....muscular)

Harley: WHO MADE BRON PART OF A CTHULHU RIPOFF?!

Harley: I WANT NAMES

Harley: WHY IS MY CHILDHOOD PART OF OUTER GOD LORE?

Kyoya: Who knew Yarnaby would become the Weaver of Dreams?

Yarnaby: I'm a god?

Eggman: It appears so!

Hawk Moth: ......what have I joined?

Harley: NOT THE FUCKING TIME!

Sage: What did I just say?!

Harley: WHO MADE BRON LOOK LIKE HE CAME FROM OR IS GOING TO PRISON?!

Jesus: Oda damn, those triceps!

Sage: (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Metal Sonic: Don’t make me bring out the c u b e

Neo: No, not the cube!

Metal Sonic: one uppercut and I'M being sent to the spin cycle

Sundowner: Ya sure he ain't cuttin'?

Doll: No, that's all natural

Roman: Apparently collective belief is enough to make a dino swole enough to punch someone through titanium!

Neo: Is it bad that I'm simping?

Harley: NO, STOP, NO GOONING!

Kiara: ....I'd let Bron hit.

Harley: STAY AWAY FROM BRON, YOU HEATHEN, HE IS INNOCENCE!

Chapter Text

Akechi sat in Shido's office, listening to another spiel of his. She really did not care for him, she'd go and eliminate Madarame if his treasure gets taken later.

"So you have your mission, Akechi." Shido said before turning around to look out the window. "I will steer this country...."

Akechi resisted the urge to groan at the statement.

'I'll make you steer your precious future alright, until I can make you suffer as much as I have!' 

Akechi left the room and made her way through the corridors of the building. She looked at her phone, the keywords for the palace was set, she could enter and find the shadow of Madarame. Then it was a simple execution. She put her phone away before she stumbled over something, and looked down to see a dragon plushie laying on the floor.

"Who the hell let their kid up here?" Akechi muttered before going to kick the doll away.

As she did, however, it moved and her leg was cut.

"Fuck!" She screeched before falling over.

"Heh, classsssssic." a voice muttered.

Akechi looked forward to see the plushie standing with a knife. Wasting no time, she got up, despite the pain, and pulled out her gun.

"Seriously, a gun?" the doll said "Such a pathetic way of murder." 

"Shut up!" She said, as she fired. The doll dodged the attack.

The elevator behind her opened to reveal Shido's security.

"What the fuck?" one said seeing the plushie holding a knife. Another simply let loose a few bullets. Vathek laughed, dodging them.

"Ssso, that old fool Ssssshido sssent you, did he? You've come to sssssstop me, have you?" he said, taunting them. "You have no idea how weak you are......." 

They didn't stop shooting, but ran out of ammo quickly. Before any could reload, the doll rushed at them. One tried kicking the plushie, but it just grabbed his leg and stabbed it. Using the momentum it jumped between the guards, killing each one with gruesome efficiency. 

All that was left was Akechi.

She cursed as she pulled his phone out and opened up the metanav. She felt a sharp pain in his back as the doll plunged a knife into her leg, and she was barely able to open the app.

"MEMENTOS!" She shouted as the navigator began.

The world warped around them as Akechi felt Loki, who grabbed the doll.

"EIAGON!" She yelled, as the doll was blasted by curse energy and went flying into the elevator.

"Oww......" it said. "I'll get you for that!"

Akechi took out her gun and fired. The shot missed the doll.

"Hah, you sssssshoot like a babe....." it said chuckling.

"Going down." the elevator said

"What?! I can't believe I fell for the oldessst trick in the book, again!" The doll snarled, as it tried to claw of the door as it shut.

Akechi groaned, as she went to exit Mementos. She needed medical assistance, so she made his way to Shido's office.

She stopped at the door however, instead leaning against the door to listen in, in case there was any other intruders.

"You can't do this!" Shido growled from the other side.

"You'll find we can, afterall if our intel is correct, a wildcard could be problematic if he reaches his journey's end." A demonic voice called out. "But then again, I'll enjoy challenging such an opponent myself."

Akechi heard Shido scream.

"There are fates worse than death." the voice said. "Game over!"

Akechi heard some noises that she couldn't describe as the office fell silent. She entered, only to see the room destroyed and a bloody trail that vanished into nothingness. She screamed as she knew her revenge had been stolen.

Ren: @Everyone We have confirmation that something's been in my universe.

Zap: Wait

Uzi: Huh

Raiden: FUCK

Billy: Oh shit

Ren: Indeed

Ren: They took the politician that was preforming the mental shutdowns.

Ren: BTW also the guy who sued me and killed Futaba's mom

Asagaki: What are the chances

Ren: Pretty high considering me

Futaba: Damn

Ren: Speaking of which

Ren has added Goro Akechi and Cyclonis to Storm Goon Weebs

Goro Akechi has changed their name to Akechi

Ren has changed Akechi's name to Pancake Girl

Ren has changed Cyclonis' name to Whirly

Pancake Girl: I hate you

Whirly: Why, why did I team up with you?!

Pancake Girl: It was so you'd kill those Storm Hawks weirdos.

Ren: I know

Aizawa: hey google, how to keep a pancake girl in the chat?

Whirly: I'm going to shatter everyone's skull with bricks

Nikaido: ajaknbhwfen

Ren: she is speaking the language of the gods

Pancake Girl: Yo could me and Lark get a happy sack from someone? I need relaxing after the shit I went through.

Aizawa: I’ll give you some Drizella, that usually helps make me sleepy. Just be careful, it’s what I like to call a one hit wonder weed. Just one hit is all it takes.

Ryuji: THE DETECTIVE PRINCESS SMOKES WEED?!

Pancake Girl: huh… do-it-yourself pancake in five minutes and Drizella for one yen.

Pancake Girl: well it’s one yen what could bebdgchfgcjgcv

Pancake Girl: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT A TENTACLE?

Futaba: his name is Lopez.

Pancake Girl: Ren what the actual fuck!!!

Ren: backread 😊

Pancake Girl: …the fuck.

Whirly: a…cognitive what?

Pancake Girl: I’m sorry Kizuna who???

Pancake Girl: WHY IS THE MULTIVERSE SO WEIRD?!

Whirly: FRENCH ME, MOMMY!

Stu: Jesus I choked on my drink!!

Whirly: I need a powerful woman! Right now!

Sora: What the?

Whirly: O, that this too too solid flesh would melt, Thaw and resolve itself into a dew! Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd His canon against self-slaughter! O God! God! How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable, Seem to me all the uses of this world! Fie on't, ah fie, 'tis an unweeded garden, That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature Possess it merely. That it should come to this! But two months dead, nay not so much, not two, So excellent a king, that was, to this Hyperion to a satyr, so loving to my mother That he might not beteem the wings of heaven Visit her face too roughly. Heaven and earth, Must I remember? Why, she would hang on him, As if the increase of appetite had grown By what it fed on; and yet within a month - Let me think not on't; frailty, thy name is woman - A little month, or ere these shoes were old With which she followed my poor father's body Like Niobe, all tears, why she, even she - O God, a beast that wants discourse of reason Would have mourned longer - married with my uncle, My father's brother, but no more like my father Than I to Hercules. Within a month, Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears Had left the flushing in her gall'd eyes, She married. O, most wicked speed, to post With such dexterity to incestuous sheets! It is not, nor it cannot come to good. But break my heart, for I must hold my tongue.

Pancake Girl: …was that fucking Hamlet?

Uta: I’m more worried about the incestuous undertones.

Whitebeard: dammit gonna have to fix her something strong.

Whitebeard: be right back.

Ruby: Quick question, why's you pick some MedJed thing as the mascot?

Billy: the smiter.

Uzi: you know something.

Billy: not much is known, all I know is that MedJed appears in the Book Of The Dead, a figure in cloth with one visible eye and feet that shot light from it and breathed fire from it’s mouth.

Futaba: yep, perfectly cryptid that the best hackers around would scratch their heads figuring out why I chose it as an alias, also it shoots lasers out of its eyes that’s awesome.

Futaba: reminds me of Ghostaba in Featherman N, mid season, great fights.

Ryuji: I can’t argue with that.

Ren: So, the change of heart worked!

Futaba: I can go outside, lads!

Ren: Had to fight her mom, who became a literal sphinx, to do so.

Futaba: She was yappin' bout how I ruined her life and killed her

Zap: Did you kill her?

Futaba: I nuked her from orbit with an ion cannon!

Ren: She became unhinged as she burnt alive.

Ren: We'll let you know how the modeling goes. And Akechi and Cyclonis are coming along!

Asagaki: Keep in touch!

Chapter Text

Asagaki: And that is just the first five steps to a prostate-assisted orgasm.

Uzi: ….

Banjōji: ....

Samekichi: ….WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

Billy: why do you even know that?

Aizawa: Reppai likes googling weird shit when he's bored.

Yihdra: Ok I just caught the end of that. I have finally finished cleaning the guest room out, btw why was there a blacklight just laying on the floor?

Banjōji: I was wondering where I left that. I needed to know how much bleach to get and I just couldn’t fathom what I saw.

Banjōji: It was like a Jackson Pollock painting in that room.

Banjōji: If R.Kelly could have seen that he would become a celibate priest.

Yusuke has joined Storm Goon Weebs

Ren: I bring forth fresh meat!

Yusuke: where?

Mel: …oh he is precious.

Ruby: I know.

Weiss: …why do I even try to find some sense in you?

Marinette: I'm beginning to think this was a big mistake.

Adrien: Even bigger then me giving Lila that box of hentai?

Marinette: That was like giving a monkey a loaded gun.

Billy: This is like giving a beluga whale steroids

Stu has added Doey to Storm Goon Weebs

Doey: 

Billy: Oh god, who let Doey into the memes?!

Futaba: Ye

Aisha: The hell's a Doey?

Doey: Hiiiyaaa there, palllll! Don't worry, I won't eat YOU. I'm Doey. I was told to expect you. We gotta be careful around here, especially with the big mean Doctor around. His goons are gonna be everywhere. But we…uh…I can keep you safe! Oh yes, definitely.

Ren: What do you mean by 'we'?

Doey: What? I didn't say we! I said…

Doey: who am I kidding. Guess the cat's out of the bag. Let's start at the beginning shall we? I started out as the mascot for Doey Dough modelling clay in the 1950s. I became Playtime Co's second big hit after Poppy Playtime herself. And I was no sophomore slump, I’ll tell you that! We had the dough itself and a toy figurine. Then…well the Bigger Bodies Initiative gave the character life in a whole new way…Altogether, we're Experiment 1322, but unlike most of the experiments, there's actually three of us in here. Surprise!

Ren: Wait what

Doey: First, there's me, Jack Ayers! I'm Experiment 1322A! I always loved Doey, I was so excited to get his figurine for Christmas, but I was even more excited to get a trip to the Playtime factory to see how the dough was made! But, I wandered off from the group, and fell into a vat of dough and got all mixed up! But I didn't die! Not then at least…

Doey: Then, there's me, Kevin Barnes. I'm Experiment 1322B. I had a tough time in PlayCare. The gentle voices never understood me. They lie…they always lie…

Doey: Finally, there's me, Matthew Hallard. I'm Experiment 1322C. My family died in an accident, and I was the sole survivor. I did my best, but I couldn't…uh, anyway, I ended up in PlayCare like Kevin, but as I was already 15 years old, everyone expected me to age out. But, the other kids saw me as a leader, which they liked. So, they brought me, along with the other two, in to become Doey, 900 pounds of dough that could fulfil multiple assigned roles within the factory. Then, came the Hour of Joy. All the scientists and factory workers.....well.....

Doey: Glad to be rid of them. They…they deserved…

Charlie: Yeesh, rough life, huh?

Doey: To be fair, not all of them knew. The point is, when it became clear that The Prototype was going to be even worse than The Doctor and his goons, we knew we had to protect the toys that weren't on his side.

Doey: We hid them all away in the Safe Haven! The big mean Doctor's never getting in there! The Prototype neither!

Doey: Let's hope not. As long as no one gives us away…especially Poppy. There are so few of us left, we can't afford…

Doey: Poppy wouldn't do that, not to us. You're lucky you’ve caught us on a good day. We can all work together most of the time, but if I'm being honest, all it’ll take is one bad day for this whole house of cards to fall down. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Uzi: Let's play 2 truths and a lie

Uzi: I'll go first 1. There's a giant eldritch worm after me 2. My arm was once broken super bad as a kid 3. I'm mentally sound

Ruby: 2

Ren: 3

Wadanohara: 1

Billy: 2

Akechi: 1

Doey: Is it 2?

Uzi: It was 3

Zap: WAIT, YOU'RE WHAT?!

Doey: Do we need to get the buzzsaw for the worm?

Doey: Kevin, no.

Doey: Kevin, yes.

Uzi: Don’t worry, we're hiding in my room, the worm's surprisingly easy to deter with a flashlight and doors.

Billy: You're doing a FNAF fan game IRL?!

J: Yeah.

Asagaki: That bad of an injury?

Uzi: Yep

Asagaki: I'll go next

Asagaki: 1. I have surfed down a mountain 2. I have crossdressed 3. I once kicked Tsukasa over a river

Uzi: 2

Zap: 3

Ruby: 3

J: 1

Billy: 3

Stu: 2

Weiss: 2

Doey: 3

Asagaki: 1 was right

Ruby: Why?

Nikaido: Zekkouha tried to steal Chuck E. Cheese tokens, and Tsukasa had a plan that involved me yeeting her onto his back.

Zap: I'll go

Zap: 1. I survived in a Leviathan's mouth for months 2. I'm currently biting at a Bazooker Doomlander's knees 3. I like cake

Asagaki: 1

Billy: 3

Ren: 2

Uzi: 3

Poe: 3

Wadanohara: 2

Ruby: 1

Zap: it was 3

Ren: let me guess, you love it

Zap: Yep

Charlie: Wait, you're WHAT?!

Zap: Trying to save Scholarville, Kaos did some heinous shit, and that's why I'm biting a Doomlander's legs off

Wadanohara: Ok 1. Me and Mikotsu had sex 2. I drunk one of dad's elixirs 3. I have had a boyfriend

Ren: 1

Uzi: 2

Ruby: 1 based on you being the youngest

Charlie: 3

Zap: 2

Doey: 3

Wadanohara: 3's the lie!

Ren: Wait, you WHAT?!

Mikotsu: I let her hit cus she's cute

Ren: 

Doey: pics or it didn't happen

Doey: Kevin, there's children present!

Doey: Counterpoint: She fucked a PRINCESS!

Wadanohara sent MeandMikotsu.png (A selfie depicting Wadanohara and Mikotsu in bed, naked as the day they were born, as Wadanohara was grinning cheekily as Mikotsu sleepily smiled and raised a skeletal fin in what counts as a peace sign)

Zap: Goddamn, Wadda scored before any of us!

Issei: God damn. Ok, I know when I’m wrong, good job, pint size!

Bell: Wow.....I’m sure my grandpa would’ve treated you for a drink.

Charlie: Lucky you!

Rimuru: Damn, showing us your first time right after we learned you fucked a princess? Wadanohara got more balls than I do

Uzi: Witch rizz

Doey: What's sex?

Doey: You'll understand when you're older

Weiss: So is this only the og groupchat member's doing this

Ryuji: OOO I have one

Ren: TAKE IT AWAY RYUJI

Ryuji: 1. I used to do track 2. I have said fuck 3. I like ramen

Ren: 2

Wadanohara: Its 2

Lami: No arguements

Ryuji: damn

Ren: My turn

Ren: 1 I have eaten curry for the last 5 nights 2. I met an idol before 3. I have hayfever

Ryuji: wait

Lami: 1

Doey: 2

Uzi: 3

Ryuji: YOU'VE MET AN IDOL

Ren: Yep

Ren: 1 was the lie btw

Wadanohara: It's obvious when you think about it

Ren: True

Ryuji: Who the eff did you meet Ren

Ren: Risette 

Ryuji: NO EFFING WAY

Ann: WAIT SERIOUSLY

Ren: Yep my cousin was friends with her when she came to my town in the country 5 years ago

Zap: Wait your a country girl

Ren: Yee haw

Zap: No shit, Roller Brawl just shouted another one

Roller Brawl: fyi I'm a country girl

Ruby: I'm also a country girl

Asagaki: Me too!

Lila: Well, guess that includes me

Yang: Yep!

Alastor: Well, this should be fun.

Billy: I mean, if we're being technical......

Ren: Ayy country gang

Billy: Well i'll finish it off

Billy 1. I have met Optimus Prime 2. I once gave Radagon a middle finger 3. I think Venom is sexy

Stu: 2

Zap: 2

Wadanohara: 3

Ren: 1

Billy: It's 3

Asagaki: Wait, what did you do to meet a giant robot?!

Billy: .....Stu provoked the Bayverse version for 1 million bucks.

Stu: I didn't know....

Uzi: WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Billy: He PISSED OFF the Bayverse one, AKA the fucking psychopath of the Primes!

Stu: We were bankrupt from the hospital!

Ren: No, Ryuji, I'm not calling my cousin for a meeting

Ryuji: Come on dude

Ren: Do you want to be on the other side of Naoto's dissapointed glare?!

Ann: Wait Naoto like the prior detective prince

Ren: Yes

Billy: That's your cousin?!

Ren: Yep

Ren sent MeandCuz.Jpg (An image of Ren drinking a milkshake, Naoto laughing as Ren now looked like Santa Claus)

Zap: Yo, your cousin looks plastered

Ren: Bold assumption that Naoto isn't always drunk

Uzi: Damn, didn't know your family had bluettes

Ren: She dyes it every so often

Charlie: So is Akechi just a discount Naoto?

Ren: I think so

Chapter Text

Uzi: ray martin from 60 minutes 

Marinette: it's ray martin from 60 minutes 

Billy: ray martin 

Stu: from 60 minutes 

Yihdra: i am so very afraid to ask, but does anyone know why there is a windowless brown van outside my manor?

Asagaki: It’s mine. Late birthday gift from Shindo.

Tobihoshi: I think some kids painted the words “Jigsaw Van” on the sides of it.

Asagaki: The thing is....I did that.

Asagaki: Seemed like a good Idea at the time.

Uzi: WHY COULD YOU HAVE POSSIBLY THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Asagaki: Would you wanna break into a van if you thought you would be subjected to death traps by the owner?

Rimuru: You were high weren’t you?

Asagaki: I will neither confirm nor deny that.

Zap: So, Bell, now that you have a Familia, are you going to dungeon?

Bell: Not yet. I even have a mission to buy something from the Shop. Oh, I got something for joining Hestia.

Billy: What are the rewards?

Bell: Well,  the first one is an extra 350000 Valis, and some health potions. The second rewards are bit better...a dagger with a lightning attribute, some boots that allows me to jump higher and…the deed for the entire district where Hestia and live!?

Billy: Wait what?!

Bell: I need to check with the Guild.

Sora: I am literally floating while smoke coming out of the soles of my feet propels me!

Sora: I have IDEAS now.

Mashiro: please screen them to me and not make them while high on energy drinks.

Mashiro: especially Bundo-Bull mixed with Notrai-Charged what were you thinking?

Sora: nothing. Everything. Something.

Ruby: are they THAT strong?

Mashiro: Bundo-Bull is basically fuel for race cars on a can and Notrai-Charged can be used as thermite if mixed with some acids.

Uzi: …really?

Mashiro: yes and you can make them. No, I won’t tell you which until you teach me how to breakdance someone’s shins off.

Ruby: knowing what we know about Sora that is a scary thought.

Nemo: you can have a favor of Sorathulhu if you beat her champion in a dance-off.

Alastor: Like my dad says when he’s been drinking. “Well, sweet sarsaparilla and suck my own dick” He was an alcoholic. The fun kind. Would drink a bottle of Old Grandad and let me hit the deer he killed with random things.

Alastor: Baseball bats, hammers, bear traps, and at one point a tube-sock full of rocks. I actually broke a wooden baseball bat on one of them.

Alastor: Here's to you, dad, you crazy drunk Irish bastard.

Charlie: Wait, you're Irish?

Alastor: Half on dad’s side. I’m not sure what mom was.

Billy: You learn something new everyday. That just leaves me to ask….

Alastor: No, I will not teach you how to make vodka out of potatoes.

Ruby: You can do that?

Alastor: You can make any fruit or vegetable into a type of alcohol. Potatoes for vodka. Corn for whiskey. Fruits for wines. Agave for tequila. And of course the grains for beer.

Doey: how is it you know all this?

Alastor: I’m Irish, we have been perfecting the means to get drunk for centuries. Duh.

Ren: Yusuke just downed his third plate of curry.

Ren: I always heard the phrase ‘starving artist’ but now I see what they mean.

Sumire: …eh I can top it off.

Ryuji: no for real what do you have for a stomach?

Ryuji: because breaking the Big Bang challenge for the fifth time is already scary.

Sumire: I burn a lot of calories. Also, I have a large appetite.