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Chapter Text

An artist dies twice. The physical death is the same for everybody, but the first death, and the one that hurts the most is the one they experience when they lose their passion for their craft.

Jeongguk heard about that quote from a friend who loves to dance but almost had to stop due to an injury. Jimin told him then that, in his case, his first death was being unable to dance anymore. Luckily for him, he recovered and is now touring the country with a professional ballet company.

But, as Jeongguk stares at the setlist he has in front of him, knowing that he soon needs to go out and perform another show with songs that don’t feel right to him, he thinks he might be dying. 

His first death. 

“Ready, Jeongguk?” his tour manager asks, and  Jeongguk wants to say no. He wants to cancel the whole show and the shows he still has left because he doesn’t have it in him anymore. 

He cannot keep pretending that the songs he released in the past, the songs that made him popular because they blew up on social media, represent him anymore. 

And he hates it. 

He’s cried himself to sleep more times than he can count because of it, and he’s not sure what he can do to fix it. 

Because, despite what he’s feeling right now, he loves music. He loves expressing himself through his songs. He loves to be able to tell stories that other people feel identified with. 

But there’s something about that kind of music that just doesn’t feel like him . 

“Hey, are you alright?” he hears again. When he looks up, he sees a member of his band. “You look—” 

“Yeah, I’m good,” Jeongguk lies. He’s gotten very good at that, too. “What time is it?” 

“Showtime,” he replies, telling Jeongguk that his reflection time is over. 

He needs to put on a show, at least for the sake of all the people who spent their money and traveled from afar to see him. 

He owes it to them. 

But what does he owe to himself? 

“Let’s go, then,” he nods and stands up, picking up the guitar that he’s been tuning for the past half hour and heading out of the waiting room and meeting the rest of the band. 

And, as he walks up the steps that separate the backstage from the main stage of the small auditorium that they are playing tonight, he wonders if things would be different if the person that his songs are about still loved him. 

Or if having loved that person had been his first mistake, to begin with. 

“Here’s to another successful show wrapped up!” Jeongguk’s drummer cheers once they’re back in the waiting room. 

Jeongguk isn’t sure if calling it successful is the right adjective, but he supposes that for anyone outside of his own brain, it must have been. 

The crowd had been so loud, singing all the words back at him and he almost cried when they all put up their flashlights in one of his piano songs. 

“Should we go out to celebrate?” One of his support guitarists asks. They all seem to agree, along with the staff members, but Jeongguk just… doesn’t feel like he’s in the right mood.

“I think I’m gonna head back to the bus, guys,” Jeongguk admits. They all turn to look at him with worried expressions. They’ve been touring together for some weeks now, so it’s fair to say that they’re attuned to Jeongguk’s mood pretty well. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry! I just—My throat hurts a little and I think the most sensible thing is to have an early night and rest, considering we have another show in a couple of days,” he chuckles a bit, trying not to add to their concern. 

“Do you want us to go back with you?” his drummer asks, but Jeongguk shakes his head. 

“No, I’d rather be alone, actually. That way, I’m not inclined to talk,” he smiles reassuringly. “As long as you guys don’t wake me up when you come back to the bus drunk out of your minds, then I’ll be good,” he laughs. 

“We’ll try our best,” the guitarist chuckles, and soon enough, Jeongguk is the only one left in the room, picking up the rest of his stuff before he heads to the tour bus. 

This had always been his dream: touring the country on a bus with his friends, visiting every state, and playing in places where the people he looked up to used to play. 

And he hates that he feels this way, now. 

Especially because he knows how huge it is for someone like him to be in this position, too: A bisexual, Korean man who has lived in the US for most of his life. He’s had to get used to the constant remarks about his sexuality or his race for as long as he can remember, even before he started to post his music anywhere. 

But after risking everything and majoring in musical theory, he decided to follow his dream, and here he is now, throwing it away. 

The second he makes it to the bus, he heads to his bunk bed and closes the curtain, letting the darkness engulf him so the only witness to his tears is his pillow, which’s already more than used to being soaked every night. 

He doesn’t know what to do, he feels like there’s no way out and that he’s trapped himself inside his own coffin. 

But suddenly, a sound breaks through the silence of the vehicle when his phone starts to vibrate under his pillow. 

Jeongguk frowns and pulls it out, wiping his tears so that he can see the name on the screen better. 

“Hello?” Jeongguk asks with a frown, unsure if he read the name right. 

“Jeonggukie, hey!” he hears on the other side of the line. “It’s Yoongi hyung!” 

“Oh, hyung, hi,” Jeongguk smiles, sitting up, now, as if his hyung could somehow see him and would scold him. “Wh–what’s up?” he asks. It feels weird to talk to someone in Korean after so long. After all, most of the people in his band and his team speak only English. 

“Nothing much! I was just calling because I’m going to be in town for a few weeks because I’m working on something in LA and heard you’re performing at the Greek theater tomorrow?” And a stone sinks in his stomach, then. 

Not because he doesn’t want to see Yoongi, but because the thought of performing in such an iconic venue makes him feel physically sick. 

“Guk?” 

“Sorry, yeah, I—we’re performing there in two days, yes,” he nods. “I just finished our show in San Francisco,” he tells him. 

“That’s incredible! I’m so proud of you, kid. I always knew you would make it big,” his hyung praises him and Jeongguk feels like crying again. “Do you think I could come by and see you before the show?” 

“I would love that, hyung,” Jeongguk admits. “Where are you staying? The place you always rent when you come?” 

“The very same one, yes,” Yoongi chuckles. “Since I’m staying for a while, I thought booking a hotel was a bit stupid.” 

“If I would’ve known, I could’ve let you stay at mine,” Jeongguk offers, even if it’s a bit late for it. “I wouldn’t be there, but at least it would be free for you.” 

“It’s fine, don’t worry, it’s more convenient for me anyway since it’s close to the studio,” Yoongi tells him and Jeongguk nods, understanding. After all, his place in Los Angeles is not the most well-located apartment in the city, that’s for sure. “Well, I’ll let you rest now since you just finished your show and you sound tired. I can’t wait to see you!” 

“Me, too, hyung,” Jeongguk smiles a bit. “I’ll let you know when we make it to the city, in case we can meet before the show.” 

“Alright, great! See you, Guk! Good night.” 

“Bye, hyung,” Jeongguk hangs up after that, staring at Yoongi’s contact and at the picture that he hasn’t changed in years. 

He met Yoongi a few years ago and he was the one who helped Jeongguk produce his first EP back when he was still finishing college. He was the first person who trusted Jeongguk and his talent and he’ll always be grateful for that. He knew who Jeongguk was at his core and the kind of music he longed to make and matched his vision perfectly. 

It’s then that Jeongguk decides to listen to that project, to see how it makes him feel. 

And, if he ends up crying again, then it’s a good thing that the bus is still empty.

Los Angeles has never really felt like home to Jeongguk, even though he’s been living there for almost two years now. 

He moved there after college because ‘that’s the place to go if you want to be someone in the industry’, one of his professors told him, and so, he went, even though he was much better off filming covers in his dorm’s bedroom and writing songs that he thought would never see the light of day. 

But he moved to Los Angeles; he ended up recording some of those songs and released his first EP. He met people who still work with him to this day and met some amazing artists as well. 

And he met him.

Maybe that’s one of the reasons why Los Angeles doesn’t feel like home: because every nook and cranny of the city reminds Jeongguk of someone he’d rather not think about. 

Someone who’s hurt him so deeply that the wound still hasn’t closed even if they haven’t seen each other in months. 

And yet, as if he had a sensor, the second Jeongguk makes it back to his apartment, he gets a text from the number he should have deleted but didn’t.

He never does.

from: Andrew

heard you’re back in town

wanna meet up?

And Jeongguk stares at the two sentences with a hole in his stomach and a hole in his chest. 

Because that’s the thing about toxic relationships: it’s almost impossible to get out of them. 

But Jeongguk doesn’t want to do that anymore. He ended things and wants to keep them buried this time. So he locks his phone and starts unpacking his tour bag, ready to do some very much-needed laundry session. 

He loves doing laundry. It reminds him of when he used to help his mom back when he was little and she worked a lot. 

Being an immigrant is very hard, and Jeongguk learned that the hard way, even though his family always tried to shelter him from most of it. 

But his parents had to work multiple jobs and horrible hours most of his childhood, and whenever his mother was home, she had to force herself to also be the woman of the house, but Jeongguk hated it. He hated seeing how tired she was and how she still forced herself to do all the work that needed to be done. 

So Jeongguk and his older brother tried to help around as much as they could: they learned to cook, they went shopping at the grocery store a few houses down the block where the old lady that lived there already knew them, they cleaned and did laundry. 

And, that way, when their parents came home exhausted from another intense day, they could at least rest and not worry about anything else. 

He separates his whites from the rest of the clothes and puts the first load, considering heading down to one of those laundromat places so that he can do both at the same time, but he’s too tired to leave the apartment again, so he’ll just wait. 

And, as usual, whenever he’s alone, he starts humming melodies that he knows he should probably record somehow, but it’s not like he has any words to add to them anyway, so why bother? 

He decides to put on the radio instead to at least have some background music while he tidies up and cleans the place a little. 

And it’s as he’s taking out the first load of laundry and hanging it out to dry that one of his songs starts playing, and he freezes. 

It’s the song that went viral a few months ago. The song that ‘catapulted’ his success, according to some. 

To Jeongguk, he thinks that it’s the song that dug his grave. 

When he decided to try something new for his first album, he knew it was a big risk. Since he had started posting acoustic covers and since the fact that his first EP was pretty much also very singer-songwriter style, he knew it was a big change, but there was something in him that pushed him. 

“Don’t you want to tour the world? Be one of those big pop stars? You can do it, babe, I know you can,” Andrew’s voice plays in the back of his mind, still. And Jeongguk had been so stupid for listening to him. 

But he did, and he decided to record a much more pop-inclined album, collaborating with other artists and, in summary, trying to be someone that he knew deep down he wasn’t. 

Even if the words in the songs were his, the stories felt too superficial, too… basic, even. 

At the time, Jeongguk didn’t think so, of course. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have released the album to begin with. 

He was proud of the result, excited to see how the world would perceive this new side of him. 

The people around him had fueled his brain with such high expectations that he almost thought he’d go number one on release week, but, of course, that didn’t happen. 

And, although his pride about the project remained, as the months went on, his feelings toward it began to worsen. 

Maybe it had something to do with Andrew, too. 

“You can’t fucking say things to my face, you have to write them in your stupid songs for the entire world to know how much of a dick I am? Well, fuck you. You’re the one that leaves all the time, so take some responsibility for once.” 

The memory feels like a slap on his face, too real that he almost brushes his cheek just to make sure it’s not bruised. 

He was right. 

Most of his songs are about him. 

And Jeongguk always blamed him because it was easier to admit that he was guilty, too.

He shakes his head as the song keeps playing, and he almost turns it off, not wanting to hear it. 

“That was this week’s number one song, ‘Hate You’ from Jeongguk! I am sure that you all know, but he’s having a concert this weekend here in LA so if you want to grab some tickets, I think there might still be a few ones left, so don’t miss out!” the radio host announces and Jeongguk knows that the tickets are sold out, which is an insane fact on its own, but to hear his name on the radio still feels alien to him.

And he hates that he’s not more excited. 

His phone lights up again and Jeongguk fears it will be another text from Andrew because, at this point, he’s not sure if he would be able to hold himself back from seeing him if he reaches out again. 

But, thankfully, it’s not. 

It’s Yoongi. 

from: Yoongi hyung

hey kid! I made it to LA and your song welcomed me on the radio!

that’s huge

wanna meet tonight if you’re free? I can come over or you can drop by if you prefer! 

And, that offer, Jeongguk does accept. 

to: Yoongi hyung

sure, hyung! you can come if you want

I still need to do some laundry before we continue with the tour 

we can order something too for dinner 

from: Yoongi hyung

alright, see you in a bit, then

Looks like Jeongguk’s going to have to speed-clean his apartment, in the end. 

Good thing it’s small.

“There he is, superstar Jeon Jeongguk in the flesh!” Yoongi boasts as soon as Jeongguk opens the door, making him blush. 

“Shut up, hyung,” Jeongguk shakes his head, moving aside so that he can come in. 

“Yah! Respect your elders! Don’t tell me to shut up!” Yoongi scolds him but ends up hugging him anyway, which Jeongguk appreciates. 

“You know there’s no such thing as respect here in America, right?” Jeongguk chuckles in the hug, closing the door.

“Unfortunately, yeah,” his hyung sighs. “We could’ve met tomorrow if you were busy unpacking and stuff!” Yoongi points out, clearly referencing all the clothes that are hanging around the place. 

“Oh, no, it’s fine, I don’t mind. Plus, I did want to see you and I don’t know if tomorrow I’ll have much time since we need to go do the soundcheck and everything in the morning,” Jeongguk sighs, guiding Yoongi to the couch as if his hyung wasn’t familiar with his place already. 

As if they hadn’t recorded his first EP mostly in that very room. 

“Why don’t you sound excited about it?” Yoongi asks straight away. If there’s one thing Jeongguk learned over the years he’s known him is that Yoongi isn’t anything if not direct. Sometimes it’s a blessing but, right now, it feels more like a curse. 

“I am! It’s just—” Jeongguk gulps. He doesn’t know how to phrase it without sounding like a conceited brat. “I haven’t been feeling too well lately, is all.” 

“Physically?” Yoongi asks, frowning, but Jeongguk is pretty sure that he knows the answer before he shakes his head. “Mentally, then?” 

“You could say, that, yeah,” Jeongguk sighs. “I don’t really know, I feel like… I feel disconnected from my music to the point where I’m starting to hate the songs I sing every night. I don’t want to feel like this but they just… they don’t feel like me, you know?” 

“Ah… I see,” Yoongi mumbles like a wise old man. Jeongguk doesn’t tell him that because he feels like he might get hit if he does. “I feel like we need a drink to have this conversation. Do you have any beer on the fridge or should we order dinner already?” Yoongi asks and Jeongguk smiles. He knew that Yoongi would get it. He knew that he would listen and not judge him. 

“Let’s order. I might need more than one drink tonight, though,” Jeongguk admits, taking out his phone.

“Woah, remember you have a concert tomorrow,” Yoongi chuckles and takes Jeongguk’s phone from his hand to order himself. “So… tell me, when did this begin?” 

“I don’t know, really. I think I’m a bit burned out if that makes sense. The tour is also taking a toll on me because we have so many shows in a row and it’s a bit overwhelming, you know?” Jeongguk sighs, throwing his head back on the sofa. “But I don’t want to like… cancel the tour or something because I know how much it takes for people to get tickets and everything and I’d feel very selfish and—” 

“Guk,” Yoongi cuts him with a frown. “Uh… Andrew just texted you. Didn’t you say you guys broke up again?” 

Again. 

Shame washes over Jeongguk like a tidal wave. 

“Yeah. Yeah, we broke up,” Jeongguk tries to keep his voice as devoid of emotion as possible. “What did he say?”

“He just said ‘babe’.”  

Jeongguk gulps, Yoongi’s eyes digging holes in his own from how intense his gaze is. 

“Ignore him. He told me he heard that I was back in town and asked to hang out,” he admits. “I didn’t reply, so he’s being pushy. You know him…” 

“Yeah, I do, which is why I was surprised,” Yoongi sighs. “You know he’s not right for you, right?” 

“We’re not right for each other, I know,” Jeongguk sighs, repeating the same words he’s told himself in the mirror every time he comes back from his place. “But it’s—” 

“Complicated?” Yoongi finishes for him, and all Jeongguk can do is nod. “Yeah, I thought you’d say that,” he sighs. “We’ll discuss that when we have a few drinks in our system, too, shall we? So, what do you want for dinner? Fried chicken and beer? Even if they’re not half as good as the ones back home?” 

“Whatever you want, hyung,” Jeongguk says, his mind already going somewhere else. 

He hopes the food gets there soon and the drinks start pouring so that he can have an excuse if he ends up crying over something that was never real in the first place. 

“I hate my songs, hyung,” Jeongguk admits after one too many drinks. They ended up going down the block to a 7-Eleven to get some extra ones and maybe they shouldn’t have. But Yoongi kept asking him about the situation with Andrew and there was no way that Jeongguk could tackle that topic being sober.

Surprisingly, Yoongi doesn’t seem fazed at all by Jeongguk’s confession. 

“No, you don’t,” he shakes his head. Although he’s had more or less the same amount of drinks as Jeongguk, he is much less affected by them. “You’re just in a bad place right now, but the songs are good, Guk.” 

“Be honest, hyung. When you hear them, do they sound like me?” And, to that, Yoongi remains silent. “Exactly,” is all Jeongguk adds after that. “That’s what I mean. They could be anyone’s songs and I hate that. I want to make music that people know is mine. I want to write songs that mean something! I just… I think I forgot how to.” 

“Maybe you do need to cancel the tour…” Yoongi tells him and Jeongguk’s head spins up so quickly that he gets dizzy. “I know you don’t want to, but this isn’t helping you at all. You need to take a break, sit with your feelings, and figure out which is the best path forward for you. Not for the people who bought tickets, not for those who listen to your songs, and not for your company. What do you want to do, Jeongguk?” 

And that is the million-dollar question, isn’t it? 

Although, funnily enough, he realizes then that nobody has really asked him that before, so he’s not sure what to say.

He’s not sure he knows the answer. 

“Have you written any new songs recently?” Yoongi asks him then, changing the topic and Jeongguk appreciates it because he’s not sure if going down an existential crisis path right now is the best idea. 

“Some, yeah, but they’re not—” 

“Can I hear them?” he interrupts him before Jeongguk can finish saying that they’re not good. 

“There’s nothing to hear,” Jeongguk chuckles, standing up to go get his notebook where he writes most of his lyrics. He’s always loved writing them down on paper, makes it feel more real, somehow. Yoongi taught him that. “Just a few verses here and there, but nothing else.” 

“That’s plenty,” Yoongi reassures him. There’s a softness in his voice that Jeongguk missed. He remembers how supportive Yoongi was through the entire process of creating his debut EP. 

Jeongguk had been so scared back then, scared that his lyrics were too corny, or too basic. That the melodies he was coming up with were bad and that his hard work would amount to absolutely nothing, but Yoongi always believed in him. 

Even right now, as he shows him pages mostly scribbled out and messy, he still sees that same belief in his eyes. 

“These are great, Guk!” Yoongi smiles honestly. “I think you have nothing to worry about, kid, you still got it.” 

“But I don’t think these words fit the kind of music I’ve been doing lately, hyung,” Jeongguk whines again. “That’s been the problem. I don’t know how to fit my true self with what the world expects from me after the last album.” 

“I will ask again and, this time, I will wait for an answer: What do you want to do?” 

The silence drags over them for a few seconds. Jeongguk fears it’s even been over a minute, but Yoongi is patient and doesn’t push. 

He just waits. 

And, eventually, Jeongguk answers. 

“I want to go back to how my music was before. Just me and my instruments, nothing else. No fancy producing or stuff like that. Organic.” 

As soon as the words are out of his system, Jeongguk feels as if he somehow can breathe again. As if the heavy boulder that had been pressing against his chest suddenly evaporated and it almost makes him cry again. 

“Good, then, do that,” Yoongi shrugs as if it were that easy. 

And maybe it is. 

“I can’t just do that ,” Jeongguk argues anyway. “How can I simply start over? My company won’t—” 

“Fuck them, Guk, I’m so serious,” Yoongi chuckles now. “It’s your life. You should be the one who decides which path you want to take, and if once you’ve tried the one you’re on right now you decide that it’s not for you, then it’s fine to go back! Nobody figures things out on their first try. Hell, I know I didn’t. Listen to me. No, scratch that, listen to yourself.” 

“I—I don’t even know where to start,” Jeongguk admits, and Yoongi smiles, reaching out to hand him back his notebook. 

“You already have. Just keep going, and you will figure it out, I am certain of it.” 

And, Jeongguk cannot hold himself back any longer: he throws his arms around Yoongi and hugs him. 

“Thank you, hyung,” he mumbles, trying not to cry. He’s never really been one to be able to hold back his emotions when he’s drunk, so it’s a challenge. “Really. I knew you’d get it. I knew you’d be able to help me.” 

“Then why didn’t you call sooner?” Yoongi softly pats his back. Jeongguk doesn’t have an answer for that, but he doesn’t think it’s needed. “You’re doing well, kid, believe it.” 

And even after Yoongi decides to head back to the place he rented, Jeongguk still hears his voice in his head. 

Good, then, do that. 

He’s going to do it. 

Regret fills Jeongguk’s entire system as soon as he opens his eyes. 

Yeah, they definitely should’ve stuck to the two beers that came with their dinner. 

He groans as he reaches out to get his phone and sees the time. 

Thankfully, he’s not late for soundcheck or that would actually piss him off. 

Jeongguk feels like he hasn’t rested a lot, because after Yoongi headed out and he was left alone with his thoughts, Jeongguk started thinking a lot. 

Started thinking of a plan of action to take now that he’s decided what he wants to do, or rather, what he doesn’t want to do anymore. 

He made an entire list and even wrote down a speech that he will give his team after the concert tonight if his guilt doesn’t make him back out of his decision. 

He’s going to cancel the rest of the tour and try to recover from his burnout so that he can continue doing this in the future without hating himself for it. 

It would be an understatement to say that anxiety is eating him raw from the insides at the thought of telling the team and his fans, but as Yoongi said, he has to look out for himself or nobody else will. 

He’s having breakfast and doing his morning vocal warmups when his phone starts vibrating on top of the breakfast counter and he freezes when he sees the name. 

Andrew. 

Why the fuck is he calling at ten in the morning?

And, although he doesn’t want to, he starts to worry. He lets the call ring for a few more seconds, debating on whether to let it go straight to voicemail or pick up.

And that’s the issue with the two of them; even when they shouldn’t, they both would pick up.

“Hello?” Jeongguk gulps, waiting a few seconds and preparing himself to hear the voice he’s been trying really hard to forget. 

“I thought you wouldn’t pick up,” Andrew’s voice is deep which means that he probably just woke up, too. Jeongguk hates that he knows him so well. “I even thought maybe you’d changed your number or something.” 

“What do you want, Drew?” The nickname slips past his lips with ease. 

“Didn’t you get my texts?” He asks this time, and to Jeongguk’s surprise, he doesn’t sound hurt like he thought he would. He’s not using his ‘guilt-trip voice’ like Jeongguk is used to. He just sounds curious. “Are you still not in LA? Isn’t your concert tonight?” 

“Yeah, I—I got them,” is all Jeongguk replies. 

“Then you know what I want,” Andrew chuckles. “I wanna see you! Catch up, you know? It’s been a while.”

Andrew doesn’t specify that the last time they saw each other they had sex after they broke up again that same night and Jeongguk appreciates it. 

Even if he still remembers it clearly.

And he doesn’t say that every time they catch up, somehow they end up in the same place. 

“I don’t think we should, though,” Jeongguk adds in a whisper, and when Andrew doesn’t reply, Jeongguk fears maybe he didn’t hear him, and he’s not sure if he’s strong enough to say it again. 

“Guk, babe, I’m sorry about last time. I—I was scared of you going on tour without me. I thought that you’d—” 

“I remember what you were afraid of, Andrew, but I’m still on tour, remember?” Jeongguk cuts him off, wanting to tell him not to call him babe, but he doesn’t. “We can’t keep doing this, you know we can’t,” he sighs. 

“Why not? I love you, and you love me, don’t you? What else do we need?” 

And his words take Jeongguk back to a conversation he had with his mother about a year ago, after another one of their ‘break-ups’. Jeongguk was crying in her arms because he did love Andrew. And his mother said ‘Sometimes, love isn’t enough to hold something together, darling.’ 

And, although he kept trying and trying to hold it together after that, Jeongguk wishes now that he’d listened to her back then. 

“It’s over, Drew,” Jeongguk closes his eyes, holding the edge of the breakfast bar as if to hold himself upright. “You said it, and I agreed. We might be awful apart but we sure as fuck are awful together, too. And yes, I love you. I’ve loved you for years, but I can’t do this anymore. We both deserve better than this.” 

“Are you seriously dumping me over the phone?” 

“I’m not. We weren’t together anymore, I’m just… saying goodbye.” Jeongguk feels once again like he did last night after admitting his truth to Yoongi: like he can breathe again.

“I know you, Jeongguk. I know you’ll come back to me eventually and maybe you’ll be too late and I’ll be the one to say no.” 

“I hope that you do,” Jeongguk says back because, deep down, he also knows himself, and he’s gone through that rabbit hole before. 

“When you run out of lyrics to write, you know where to find me,” is the last thing Andrew says before the line disconnects, and there is again the overwhelming feeling of shame.

There is no villain in this relationship because they both are guilty of hurting each other. 

Jeongguk can only hope that this time for real, they don’t hurt anymore. 

Jeongguk cries on stage that night. 

He should’ve seen it coming, and yet, he couldn’t hold himself back. 

He cries after his last ment, where he tries to say goodbye to the fans without being too obvious about what’s happened, but he’s never been too subtle, so something tells him that they already know what’s coming. 

“Thank you for allowing me to spend my night here with you, Los Angeles. It’s been an absolute honor to perform here tonight, and, for that reason, I would like to sing a special song for you all, if that’s okay,” Jeongguk smiles when the crowd goes wild. His team looks very confused because he hadn’t told anybody that he was going to do this. 

In fact, he just decided on the spot. 

But, he sees Yoongi in the VIP section and he’s smiling at him proudly. 

“This is a very special song to me. I don’t know if most of you will know it, but this is the first ever song I released.” More screams follow, and it makes Jeongguk’s chest burst. “I haven’t played it in so long so, forgive me in advance,” he chuckles and heads to the side of the stage to pick up his guitar again. “If you know the words, please, sing along. This song’s called ‘Love is Not Over’. ” 

Jeongguk takes a deep breath and starts strumming his guitar with his eyes closed at first, and, when he opens his eyes, he sees an ocean light up in front of him. 

The entire auditorium has their flashlights on and they sway to the rhythm of the song, and Jeongguk feels the words catch around his throat and he even lets a few more tears run down his cheeks as he sings, hearing the crowd’s voices, singing back to him. 

This is what he wants. 

This is what he needs. 

This is what he loves. 

The song ends and the ovation lasts for a long minute, and Jeongguk gets teared up again. 

“Gosh, I am so emotional tonight, guys, I’m sorry,” he chuckles, looking up to stop the tears, but he hears people screaming ‘ it’s okay!’ from the crowd. “I just… I love you guys! I do, really, and I am so grateful that I get to do this. I don’t take it for granted at all, I hope you know that” he smiles. “So, with that being said, it’s time for us to play our final song of the night. Are you ready?” Jeongguk can’t help but chuckle when his fans scream no instead of yes. “Come on, aren’t you tired?” More no ’s from the crowd make him shake his head. “I promise to come back soon, alright? Good night, Los Angeles. My name is Jeongguk and this has been the Golden Hour Tour!” And, with that, the guitar goes backstage once more and he gets ready to perform the last song of the night for the last time. 

“Are you sure about this?” His tour manager asks for what feels like the tenth time in the past fifteen minutes. 

Jeongguk managed to gather all the crew backstage after the show and he succeeded in giving his speech. 

Of course, they were all shocked to hear the news, but at the same time, some of them admitted that they feared something like that might happen because they’d noticed that Jeongguk wasn’t in the best condition mentally. 

He hates that it was so obvious, but then again, it’s not like he wasn’t crying himself to sleep most nights after their concerts. 

“I’m as sure as I can be right now,” Jeongguk says. “I know how much work you guys have put into this show, and I am well aware of how much trouble it’s going to bring to cancel it right now when we have almost half of it still left, but I just—I need to stop. I need to focus on myself and get better before I can force myself to tour like this.” 

“Well, if that’s what you need, then we’ll go ahead and cancel. Of course, it’s going to be a nightmare to handle, but your safety and your health are our top priority, kid. We’re all here for you. If there’s no you, then there’s no us either, so we gotta make sure that we take care of you.” His manager reassures him. He sees Yoongi in the corner of the room looking at him with a smile. 

Jeongguk had asked him to join them as well just in case he needed an extra bit of encouragement, but in the end, he didn’t need it. 

“No wonder you cried so hard tonight. You could’ve given us a heads-up!” His drummer chuckles, going to hug Jeongguk. “Take care of yourself, alright, kid? And thank you for letting me join the ride, even if it was short.” 

“Yeah, thanks, Jeongguk,” his guitarist also smiles at him. 

That went a lot better than Jeongguk thought it would, and, for some reason, now he regrets not having done so earlier. 

But he came to terms with it at his own pace, and that’s what matters. 

Telling the fans is going to be harder, but he hopes they’re just as understanding. 

He also drafted a long letter this morning and he’s going to post it on his social media before he gets off the grid for a few days. 

“You did great, kid,” Yoongi joins him on the couch after the talk when the rest of the crew has started to pick up their things for the last time. “The concert was incredible, the energy from the crowd, and… you almost made me cry when you played Love is Not Over !” 

“Really?” Jeongguk smiles. Yoongi hardly ever cries, so that would’ve been quite a feat. “I’m glad you enjoyed the show. Was it too obvious that I was… not okay?” he asks, then. 

“I think fans could tell, yeah, but that’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all have shitty days, shitty months, even. They love you, they’ll understand,” he encourages him as Jeongguk keeps staring at the post that he’s crafted but hasn’t posted yet. 

“I just hope that it’s all worth it, you know?” he admits. “That I can make something great after sacrificing all of this.” 

“You will,” Yoongi nods, squeezing his hand. “I have no doubt in my mind.” 

And, although Jeongguk’s mind is full of doubts, he clicks ‘ post’ and puts his phone on airplane mode. 

“Alright, done,” he sighs and looks at Yoongi as if he somehow had the answers to all his questions. “Now, what?” 

“Now, you live.”

Chapter Text

Living, as Yoongi said, so far, doesn’t seem too different from his life before. 

After the announcement that he was canceling the tour, Jeongguk took a few days to go back to his parent’s house and try to reconnect with his old self. It happened to be his father’s birthday as well, so they managed to celebrate it together like old times. 

It had been a while since Jeongguk had managed to spend more than a few hours with them, and he could see how happy his mother was whenever she walked into the living room and saw him there.

Although Jeongguk tried to work on some of the songs that he showed Yoongi, it turns out that he is still pretty stuck in the musical department and he isn’t sure how to fix that. 

After all, with all his projects so far he’s had a team backing him up and helping him make all the musical arrangements, so he feels a bit lost, not knowing how to work things out. 

That’s how he ended up returning to LA to go to Yoongi’s place to, once again, ask him for advice. 

“I’m sure you’re sick of me already,” Jeongguk groans as Yoongi offers him a glass of water. It’s unbelievably hot in the city today, even though it's not even summer yet. 

“I could never be sick of you,” Yoongi chuckles, sitting with him. “You seem better rested than the last time I saw you, so that’s already a good sign.” 

“Yeah, going back home helped with that,” Jeongguk admits with a smile. “I don’t think I’d slept for so long in a row in years…”

“How are your parents these days?” Yoongi asks with a smile. Although he has never met them, Jeongguk feels like they know him already from how much he’s talked about him. 

“Getting older,” Jeongguk answers nostalgically. “I noticed that a lot this time. Maybe it was because I hadn’t properly seen them in a while but I could start to see how the years have been affecting them, too.” 

“Oh, wow, getting deep already, I see.” 

“No, I mean, it’s just… Well, time catches up with us all, doesn’t it?” Jeongguk shrugs.

“I guess it does, yeah,” Yoongi agrees. “Speaking about that, I am flying back to Korea in two days,” he informs him. 

“Already?” Jeongguk gasps. “Did you finish the project you were working on that quickly?” 

“It was surprisingly quick, yeah,” Yoongi chuckles. “I was shocked as well because I was expecting to be here for at least another week or so, but we finished early, yeah.” 

“What am I gonna do without you? Can’t you stay a bit longer for me, hyung? I still don’t really know how to… do this.” 

“You could always come with me instead,” Yoongi offers and Jeongguk isn’t sure if he means it or if he’s pulling his leg, but, for some reason, it doesn’t sound as crazy as Jeongguk thought it might. 

“Are you serious?” 

“I mean, you said you wanted to go back to your roots and return to an organic sound, didn’t you? Well, my friend, sorry to break it to you, but your roots aren’t in America,” Yoongi points out. 

“But I’ve never actually lived in Korea before,” Jeongguk points out. “I mean, I did, but I was too young to remember anything.” 

“Then, now is the perfect chance for you to reconnect with said roots,” Yoongi smiles at him. “Plus, I want to introduce you to a group of people I know that might match your vision.” 

So, Jeongguk considers it. 

Considers leaving everything he knows behind and going to Korea for the first time ever since his family moved here when he was barely two years old. 

Considers throwing away the entire book and starting fresh somewhere else with no label, no pressure, and definitely, no Andrew. 

“I better get the tickets then, before the price goes up even more,” Jeongguk says and it seems to surprise Yoongi, then, as if he wasn’t actually expecting him to accept. 

“Wait, you’re serious? You want to come to Seoul?” 

“I mean, my other option is to stay here and probably give up when I see that I can’t do things the way I want to on my own, so, I guess it doesn’t hurt to try something new and meet new people, does it? The only problem I see is that I’m not sure where I’ll stay,” he chuckles. 

“Oh, don’t worry about that! I’ve got you. Let me—Oh, wait, this is so exciting!” Yoongi chuckles, taking out his phone. “I’m going to message the guys first so that we can meet up with them when we arrive in Seoul and, if you feel like you can vibe with them, then I will book a place for you guys to stay and work near a studio.” 

“And if we don’t?” Jeongguk asks because if he’s going to do this, he at least needs to think about all the possibilities, here. 

“Then you can always come back here or we can try something else.” 

Jeongguk stays silent for a few seconds, then, staring at the bottom of his glass of water as if the answer to all his questions was there. 

But, what does he have to lose? He’s already lost everything right now, he might as well. 

“Alright, then, hyung, let’s go to Korea.” 

Jeongguk remembers when he was a kid and asked his parents to take him to Korea to visit his grandparents but, due to financial issues, they couldn’t visit. 

Although he was born in Korea, he has no memories of the place other than from the pictures he’s seen and the stories his parents have shared with him, but nothing personal. Nothing real. 

As he sits on the plane, with a deeply-asleep Yoongi, he watches through the window to see the vastness of the ocean under them. 

It’s a long flight, and, according to Yoongi, since Korea is so many hours ahead of the time zones, it almost feels like you’re skipping an entire year. 

Jeongguk isn’t very thrilled about that. 

But he is excited to be going to his home country for the first time. He is excited to get to know its streets, the people there, the food… 

His stomach rumbles just at the thought of good Korean food. After all, Yoongi always complains whenever he’s in the States that the food there is way too bland. Jeongguk worries what his tastebuds will say when they finally taste actual Korean cuisine, because sure, his parents cooked for him, but he feels like it’s not the same since there are some ingredients that would be too expensive to import.

There is something else Jeongguk is excited about; at least, he thinks that is why there’s a knot in his stomach. 

Yoongi told him that he managed to secure a meeting with the people he told him he wanted Jeongguk to meet. From the bits of information that his hyung shared, they are all individual musicians who sometimes get contracted to work together to record for people. They’re not a band per se, but close to it. 

Jeongguk was too ecstatic to even attempt sleeping through the flight, and he hopes he doesn’t regret it when they land.

Instead, he decided to go over his songs. All his unreleased songs: from the ones he’s worked on in the past, to first demos to songs that never made it, to lyrics on his notebook that never really got finished… 

He wants to get a grasp of everything he has to offer so that he can be fully transparent when he meets the band. 

This whole thing feels scary, especially because he’s not really sure how everything will turn out and if he will regret his decision and have to go back home with his tail between his legs knowing that he failed, and then decide if he wants to keep doing what he’s been doing for now or just… quit. 

A shiver runs through his body at the thought and he decides not to think about that anymore.

He’ll cross that bridge when he gets there. Or jump from it, who knows? 

Jeongguk watches the screen in front of him where he’s tracking the flight while he keeps listening to his demos, writing down all the things that he thinks feel off about the songs and all the things he’d like to change or improve. 

For some of them, he just writes down nope. Those ones go back to the trash folder. Never the actual trash because he never knows, but for now, he doesn’t think they can be saved. 

The little plane is coming close to land, after hours and hours of never-ending ocean at their feet. For a while there Jeongguk feared that they were suspended in time or something, but their landing is approaching and he feels the anticipation at the pit of his stomach.

Or maybe it’s hunger because they are supposed to be bringing them another meal soon. He’d say breakfast but he’s not quite sure what time it is. 

In fact, not too late after that, a flight attendant taps his shoulder to hand him a tray with food, and it looks amazing. 

He’s glad that Yoongi convinced him to get business-class tickets.

“Enjoy your meal! We will be arriving at our destination in around an hour,” she informs Jeongguk and he nods, thanking her before she moves to the next seat. Jeongguk wonders if he should wake up Yoongi or not, but he decides against it. It looked like his hyung was exhausted from all the work he did the past few days, so he’ll let him sleep. 

If he wakes up hungry, he can share some of his food with him, but if they’re arriving in an hour, he thinks he’ll probably be able to eat when they get home, anyway. 

And, with the last notes of a demo he wrote while being on tour that gets many annotations in his journal, Jeongguk gets ready to return to his roots.

After a day and a half of trying to adjust to the timezone and everything else, Jeongguk feels like he’s a functioning human being. Or, at least, enough of it. 

The first thing Jeongguk noticed when they made it to Seoul was how different it was from LA. 

Since he’d been to most big cities in the States, he thought that all cities in the world would be the same, but he was wrong. Very wrong. 

And, although he hasn’t had a lot of time to actually walk through the streets and familiarize himself with them, he thinks he loves it already. 

There’s a mixture of tradition and modernity on every corner, and although the streets are busy, it doesn’t feel overwhelming. 

He’s been staying with Yoongi as the elder suggested, but today is finally the day. 

Today they are going to meet the band.  

Jeongguk feels like he might throw up because of how nervous he is. 

“You look a bit pale, are you sure you’re alright?” Yoongi asks, coming back with two iced-americanos while they wait. They decided to meet at a café near Yoongi’s apartment and for the past fifteen minutes, Jeongguk has been deciding whether or not he should run away. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Jeongguk lies. “Jetlag is still kicking my ass.”

“And you’re nervous,” Yoongi points out, making him sigh. “It’s alright! You can say it, I won’t think less of you for it, and it is something to be nervous about, but I promise you, I wouldn’t have suggested this if I didn’t think it might help you.” 

“I know, hyung, it’s just… Scary,” Jeongguk admits. “Why did we even get here so early? I feel like I’m going to pass out if they don’t arrive right now,” Jeongguk groans, taking a sip from his coffee.

“They told me they were on their way a while ago, so they should be here soon,” he nods. “And relax and just be yourself, Guk. You have nothing to worry about, trust me.” 

Jeongguk tries to believe him. Tries to focus on his breathing so that he doesn’t have an anxiety attack right there. 

The worst part is that they could already be there and Jeongguk wouldn’t know because Yoongi hasn’t even shown him pictures of them, so he has no idea what they look like. 

“Hyung?” he hears just as he’s trying to mentally prepare himself, and when he looks up, he sees a big guy. Very big guy. 

“Namjoon-ah! Hey,” Yoongi smiles and gets up to hug him. Yoongi looks tiny next to him, it’s almost impressive. 

He has a buzzcut and Jeongguk wonders if he just finished his military service or if he just likes the look. 

“This is Jeongguk.” At the sound of his own name, Jeongguk’s attention returns to the situation, and sees the guy smiling at him with a dimple. He looks so nice. “Guk, this is Namjoon! He plays drums.” 

Ah, that explains the muscles, then. 

“Nice to meet you, Namjoon-ssi,” Jeongguk stands to bow. Although he hasn’t ever lived in Korea, he was brought up well and knows how to be respectful. 

“It’s funny that you think I don’t know who he is,” Namjoon chuckles. “It’s so nice to meet you, too, Jeongguk! I am a fan of your music!” 

“Oh, t–thank you,” Jeongguk can’t help but blush at the compliment. He still finds it hard to believe that there are people who listen and enjoy what he does. Sometimes he still feels like he’s just filming covers for no one but his family to see.
“Where’s everyone else? You’re usually the last one to arrive,” Yoongi sits down, and Namjoon sits by his side.

“Hell if I know. I biked here, so they’re probably either stuck in traffic or still on the subway,” Namjoon chuckles. “I’m gonna go get a coffee too.” 

“Okay!” Yoongi nods and Jeongguk is still a bit too shy to say anything back. “So! First one out of the way! How are you feeling?” 

“He’s so tall,” Jeongguk points out.

“That he is, yes,” Yoongi laughs. “He’s also very good with rhythm. Like, he’s not like a heavy-drummer or anything, but… well, you’ll see,” Yoongi smiles and turns around to watch Namjoon ordering. “Oh, here he is!” he lifts his hand and waves. “Hyung! Over here!” 

Another tall and good-looking guy starts to approach. 

“Hyung, you didn’t tell me all your friends looked like idols,” Jeongguk whispers so that they can’t hear him. 

“Oh, please, don’t tell him that, it will fuel his ego,” Yoongi chuckles and stands up.

“Of course, I am the first to arrive. Youth these days is—” 

“Namjoonie is ordering some coffee, if you want to join him,” Yoongi interrupts him and the man shoots him a glare that makes Jeongguk want to bite his lips not to laugh. “But introductions first. Jeongguk, this is Seokjin hyung. He’s ancient, so you can call him hyung, too, or even unc—Ouch!” 

“I’m only a year older than you, you brat!” Seokjin punches his arm. “And it’s nice to meet you, Jeongguk! I play guitar,” he smiles and Jeongguk shakes his hand. “God, you look even younger in person,” he chuckles. 

“Thank you…?” Jeongguk chuckles a little bit. 

“You are very welcome! So polite, it’s so obvious that he didn’t learn that from you, Yoongi,” Seokjin glares at him and, after that, he joins Namjoon to get a drink. 

“How many more people are joining us?” Jeongguk asks. 

“Two,” he tells him. “Bass and keys.” 

“I thought you’d handle the piano,” Jeongguk asks, surprised. For the first record they worked on together, it had been Yoongi who did most of the piano melodies. 

“I mean I can also do the piano, but with my projects right now, I am not sure if I can commit 100% to help you with this, which is why I called them all. Of course, I will still be there for you but more like a… producer or director, even, than an actual musician.” 

Jeongguk tries not to be disappointed at that because, at the end of the day, Yoongi’s mere presence will probably be more than enough to keep him calm. 

Namjoon and Seokjin return with their drinks and sit down with them, and Jeongguk listens as Yoongi tells them about his project in the States while they wait for the other two to appear. 

“There’s Hoseok!” Namjoon announces at one point and they all turn to the door. The guy smiles and it’s almost blinding. It reminds Jeongguk of when his best friend Jimin smiles at him and manages to light up the room without trying. 

And just from his smile alone, Jeongguk feels a bit more at ease. 

“Hiiiii!” The guy greets enthusiastically. “Oh, my god, he really is here,” he gasps, looking at Jeongguk as if he was… well, famous. 

“Did you think I was kidding?” Yoongi chuckles. 

“Honestly? Yeah,” he chuckles. “Hi, Jeongguk! I’m Hoseok but you can call me hyung! In fact, you can call us all hyung, since you’re the youngest,” he giggles a bit. 

“Oh, am I?” Jeongguk asks surprised. He assumed he was younger than Seokjin since Yoongi called him hyung, but wasn’t sure about the rest. 

“You’re literally a baby, of course, you are,” Yoongi chuckles. “Nice to see you, Hoseokie,” he smiles at him and hugs him as well. “Do you want to get something to drink?” 

“Oh, I’m alright! Had breakfast before coming, so for now, I’m good,” he nods and sits down next to Jeongguk. “I’m the bass player, by the way, I’m not sure if hyung said.” 

“Oh, nice!” Jeongguk smiles. “When I was a kid, I wanted to learn how to play bass but I stuck to my guitar in the end,” Jeongguk admits, feeling much more at ease now that he’s met 90% of the band and sees that they’re actually very nice. Yoongi was right, as usual, and he didn’t have to worry about anything. 

“Sorry, sorry!” He hears suddenly and, when he looks up, the entire world seems to freeze.

There’s a guy running to them, hair messed up, wearing glasses, and pushing music sheets inside a satchel. “I just finished a piano lesson and the bus came early and I missed it and—” 

“It’s alright, Tae, I just got here, too,” Hoseok chuckles, the guy still out of breath, and Jeongguk relates. 

For very different reasons, probably.

He is gorgeous, that’s for sure. All of them are, but for some reason, Jeongguk is in awe of him. 

“Oh,” he chuckles, bending over and taking a deep breath. “Okay, good, I thought—Didn’t hyung say at 11?” 

“I did, yeah,” Yoongi chuckles. “But I expected you all to be here later than that, so it’s fine.” 

“Still, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to be late to meet—” And it’s then that the guy’s eyes find his. He scans the rest of the faces first, probably searching for him, but when he does, his eyes almost change to a softer shade. “Jeongguk, right?” He asks. “Yoongi hyung has talked so much about you, I feel like we know you already,” he admits and Jeongguk looks at Yoongi panicked. “All good things, I swear,” the guy chuckles and sits down next to Jeongguk, too, the only available seat at the table. “I’m Taehyung, by the way. You can call me Tae if you want,” he smiles. 

“You’re older than him,” Seokjin reminds him, but Taehyung waves him off. 

“He’s from the States, I bet the whole hyung thing isn’t that common over there. Plus, I want you to be comfortable around us!” Taehyung nods. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Tae,” Jeongguk smiles back and he feels like his mouth is full of sand from how dry his throat feels, suddenly. 

So, he’s met the band, and so far, he’s very glad he came. 

Although they had only planned to meet for breakfast, they end up taking their little gathering back to Yoongi’s apartment where Jeongguk’s hyung cooks lunch for all of them while they keep talking music. 

It has been a while since Jeongguk has felt this in tune with those around him, and it is just so incredible to hear their stories and their points of view on the kind of music they typically make. 

He’s learned a lot about all of them, too. About their journeys and their relationship with the craft itself. 

Namjoon shared with them that he learned drums after his parents deemed he needed something to help him express his emotions. He said that he was a really reserved kid and they didn’t really know how to make him express himself until he got a set of drums and finally started expressing all the emotions he’d suppressed in the past. Right now, he’s much less intense on the drums but less intense is exactly what Jeongguk needs. 

Seokjin used to be in a band, or that’s what he told Jeongguk because Yoongi warned him not to believe everything the eldest told him. He had a band when he was in high school and that made him the most popular kid in his class, but when the band split, Seokjin kept learning to play guitar on his own and, although he works at a financial company now, guitar is still his hobby and, something Yoongi did tell Jeongguk to trust is how good he is. 

Hoseok used to play the bass in a classical string band when he was a kid. He showed Jeongguk some pictures where the instrument was almost twice as big as he was. And that evolved to him playing the bass guitar now instead. 

And Taehyung… Taehyung is the one who seems to be more in Jeongguk’s situation: a little bit lost. 

From what he said, he’s trying to juggle his studies with a job and, in the midst of it, teaching some kids piano as well to earn a bit extra. 

Yoongi was right, Jeongguk feels like they are exactly the kind of people he needs to carry out his vision. 

“This is incredible, hyung,” Taehyung praises Yoongi, slurping the noodles into his mouth so fast that he almost chokes. 

“They’re not going anywhere, Tae, take it easy,” Hoseok chuckles. “Don’t tell me you didn’t eat anything all day yet.”

“Well, I didn’t have much time, so, no,” he chuckles.

“This kid…” Seokjin sighs. “Well, if Jeongguk agrees to let us work on his project, at least you’ll be able to get taken care of and take a break.” 

All eyes turn to Jeongguk then as if he hadn’t already made up his mind about them all. 

“Oh, I would be honored to work with all of you!” He nods enthusiastically. “I’m already very inspired by all of you and I think that we could make something really good together.” 

“Oh, thank God,” Hoseok sighs out, relieved. “I’d already asked for time off from work,” he chuckles. 

“I told you he’d agree,” Yoongi laughs when he sees his friend’s reaction. “And, to be honest, I’d already booked the studio, too, so…” 

“Hyung?!” Jeongguk gasps, in horror. “What if I hadn’t—” 

“I know you, kid,” is all Yoongi says, and Jeongguk guesses he’s right. “And I’m sure this album will be not only incredible but also very healing for you.” 

He surely hopes so.

After all, there is more than one thing he needs healing from. The list is long and alphabetized. 

Starting with the A, the first item is obvious. 

“When are we leaving, then?” Namjoon asks excitedly.

“The studio is booked for the month because I know damn well these things can either be done in a week or take months, so… as soon as you’re all ready,” Yoongi informs them. 

“We’ll be staying somewhere around there, too, right?” Taehyung asks, then. “I think I remember last time I was there there was a sort of lodge for the musicians to stay while working there since it’s quite far from the city.” 

“Yeah, that comes with the studio, too, the booking. I mean, it’s optional, but I did take it,” he chuckles. “So you all have your own tiny apartments to rest after work or to get inspired or whatever.” 

“You’re not joining us this time, Yoongi?” Seokjin asks since Yoongi keeps saying you and not we. 

“I will go there with you, but I probably won’t actually stay. And if I ever need to, I bet one of you will let me at least sleep on their floor.” 

“Of course!” Jeongguk is quick to say. After all the trouble Yoongi went to for him, he might take his bed.

“Then, it’s settled, we’re doing this!” Hoseok jumps in excitement again and it warms Jeongguk’s heart to know that they are that excited to be working with him. 

He hopes it’s worth it and that they can make something beautiful. 

“Should we leave tomorrow, then?” Jeongguk asks. 

That night, Jeongguk can’t stop rambling to Yoongi about ideas. He got so inspired just by being around the other guys that it’s almost like he could take over the world right now. 

His notebook has a few newly added pages with concepts, with some words that might make it into lyrics and some musical arrangements he’d like to use, too. 

Yoongi is in the shower and Jeongguk is finishing packing when his phone lights up and he frowns at the number calling. 

“Hyung?” Jeongguk asks, definitely confused. 

“Gukie!” Jimin, his childhood best friend, greets from the other side of the line.

“What’s wrong? You never call unless—” 

“Yes, I do! I call more than you do, that’s for sure,” Jimin shoots back, almost offended. Jeongguk chuckles, though, because that much is true. “I was talking with my mom earlier and she told me your mom said you’re in Korea? And you didn’t tell me?!” 

“Aren’t you still touring with your company?” Jeongguk asks. He’s been in a ballet company for a few years now and most of the time they only tour around the States. 

“I’m not anymore! I—Wait, I think I forgot to tell you… You were going through it with Andrew again so I didn’t want to overwhelm you, and then I forgot,” Jimin starts talking and the pang in his chest at the mention definitely hurts. It’s going to take a while to heal, and he hates how most of his relationships have been affected by that one. 

“What is it, then? You can tell me, now,” Jeongguk encourages, not really wanting to talk about or even think about that anymore. 

“I’m in Korea, too! I came here on a scholarship to learn traditional dance and I’ve been here for a few months now!” Jimin tells him and Jeongguk’s eyes open widely. 

“Wait, you’re for real?!” he gasps. It’s been almost a year since he’s seen Jimin because both of them have been incredibly busy. After all, having friends in the arts field can both be great or terrible because timings hardly ever work. 

“I am, yeah! That’s why I was calling! How long are you staying for? Mom didn’t tell me.”

“To be honest, I don’t know yet,” he chuckles. “I came here to try and work on my new record and to… get away from everything, you know?” He asks. “And I guess it will depend on how quickly we get the album done.” 

“Well, you better at least come visit me once or I’ll have no other choice but to tell your mom that you—” 

“No need to tell my mother anything, hyung, trust me, I wanna see you, too,” Jeongguk chuckles. “I’m just not sure when I’ll be able to because tomorrow we are heading out to the woods to go to this studio Yoongi hyung rented and we’ll stay there for like a month probably?” 

“Oh, that sounds fun!” Jimin chimes in. “I wouldn’t mind seeing Yoongi hyung again…”

“Yeah, I bet you wouldn’t,” Jeongguk rolls his eyes. His best friend did have a crush on Yoongi a few years ago. Jeongguk thinks he’s over it, but who knows? “You’re in Seoul, then?” 

“I am, yeah,” Jimin tells him. “Just let me know when you get back and we’ll arrange something, alright? And best of luck with your album, Guk, I’m sure you’re going to do amazing.” 

“Thank you, hyung, I hope so…” he sighs. He is excited, but he’s also a bit terrified if he’s honest. “I gotta go now, Yoongi hyung finished showering and it’s my turn now.”

“Oh, oh, can I see?” 

“Bye, hyung,” Jeongguk chuckles before he hangs up. 

“All good?” Yoongi asks, coming out of the bathroom with his hair a bit wet, still. 

“Yeah, Jimin called. He said he was in Seoul and that we should meet up before I go back to the States,” Jeongguk tells him. 

“Oh, you didn’t know?” Yoongi asks and Jeongguk does a double take. 

“You did?!” He asks, and by the way that Yoongi avoids his gaze, Jeongguk knows what it means. 

So that’s why Jimin said he wouldn’t mind seeing him again. 

“You know what, I don’t even wanna know, I’m gonna shower,” Jeongguk chuckles, shaking his head and heading to the bathroom. Now that is something he didn’t expect to learn today. 

“Can’t sleep?” Yoongi asks at what feels like five in the morning. Jeongguk has been tossing and turning for hours. 

“I’m just so excited, hyung,” he admits. Can’t take the image of the guys out of his mind, replaying the moment he met all of them and how right they felt straight away. 

His mind also keeps playing the moment he first laid eyes on Taehyung on a loop, but he’s pretty sure that’s the sleep deprivation doing its thing. 

“Well, try to at least get some sleep so that your creative juices can flow well tomorrow, yeah?” Yoongi chuckles, turning in bed again and, a few minutes after that, Jeongguk hears his heavy breaths, meaning that he fell asleep again. 

This is going to be a brand-new start for him. 

He’s ready.

Chapter Text

Jeongguk spends the entire ride to the cabin staring through the car window, completely mesmerized by the Korean landscapes. 

It’s so different from what he’s used to, to the dryness and deserted areas of the West Coast. He figures that the view would have been similar if their tour had taken them to the New England area, but alas, he canceled the shows before they had the chance. 

Hopefully next time, Jeongguk thinks.

Right there, all he sees is green everywhere he looks. It makes him feel alive in a way that he hasn’t felt in a long time. 

Yoongi drives quietly, letting the music play in the background, low enough not to disturb their peace too much. 

Although Jeongguk offered to drive for a while so that his hyung could rest, the older boy refused, claiming that he already knew the way. 

“That’s what Google Maps is for, hyung,” Jeongguk refuted, but Yoongi just waved him off. 

He wonders if the rest of the guys are already on their way as well or if, on the contrary, they will have arrived by the time they make it. 

He can’t lie: he’s both nervous and anxious. He could barely sleep at night to the point that he ended up going to the couch so he stopped bothering Yoongi. 

“We’re almost there,” Yoongi informs him with a smile as if he could feel Jeongguk’s uneasiness oozing off him. He probably can. 

“Alright, hyung,” Jeongguk smiles. “Will you stay today or will you just… drive back again as soon as you drop me off?” 

“Oh, no, I’ll stay! I want to see how you guys settle in and the first stages of the project,” he sounds very excited which makes Jeongguk’s chest swell a little with pride. 

It’s not like he’s not used to people rooting for him but Yoongi’s support has always meant so much to him that to know that his hyung is this eager for Jeongguk’s future to go well brings him so much joy. 

“Great!” Jeongguk nods, looking ahead again, reading the signs, and feeling the anticipation build in his stomach as Yoongi finally exits the highway. The pebbles of an unpaved road crush under the weight of the car, bumping the journey. “Will we be the only ones there?” 

“We should be, yeah,” Yoongi nods. “I mean, we rented the studio so, in theory, nobody else should be there but I’m not sure if they have other facilities around there so… Guess we’ll see when we get there. Although, for some reason, I doubt you’ll be interested in anyone else,” Yoongi shoots him a glance and Jeongguk almost combusts. 

“W–What do you mean?” He asks. Was his staring at Taehyung that obvious? 

“I mean, you’re going to be pretty focused on the album to care about anything else,” Yoongi explains but something tells Jeongguk that’s not all that he meant. 

Still, he doesn’t dare question him. 

Not when he himself doesn’t know exactly how he’s feeling in the first place. 

“Is that it?” Jeongguk asks when he spots a cabin on the edge of the path.

“That’s it,” Yoongi confirms. “The studio, anyway. The accommodations are a bit further down the road.” 

When they drive past the studio, Jeongguk gets a sense of familiarity that he finds intriguing. And he’s pretty sure it will only enhance once he actually steps foot in the place. 

He spots the building that he assumes are the accommodations and gets ready to hop out of the car to retrieve his bags. 

“Hold your horses, let me park first,” Yoongi chuckles sensing Jeongguk’s eagerness.

“I thought you were gonna drop me off first,” Jeongguk justifies himself as Yoongi parks in one of the free spots in the driveway. There are some cars there that Jeongguk wonders if they belong to the rest of the band or if they’re from whoever usually works in this place and has to hand them the keys and all.

Once the car is parked, they get the things from the trunk, Yoongi helping Jeongguk because between his clothes and instruments, he’s brought quite a lot of stuff.

“I wonder why you felt the need to pack so many clothes if you’re never going to leave this place,” Yoongi chuckles as he drags the suitcase.

Jeongguk is carrying both his guitars and an amp. Yoongi also told him that there were plenty of those in the studio but he’d rather be safe.

He’s not taking any chances when the project itself means that much.

Once they get in front of the front door, Yoongi halts and takes out his phone to check the security code for the door. 

Guess there’s no need for keys in Korea.

“Shouldn’t you have sent me that since I’m the one that’s going to be staying here?” Jeongguk chuckles.

“I’ll share it with everyone later,” Yoongi nods. “First I wanted to make sure that there were no issues so that we didn’t have to send like three different ones that would get everyone confused.”

“Wow, hyung, you’re… so smart,” Jeongguk tries to sound sarcastic even though he very much means every word.

Yoongi flips him off with one hand as he presses the code on the keypad on the side of the door.

With a beeping sound, it opens, allowing them into the building.

It reminds Jeongguk of one of the residences he used to live in when he was in college. Much quieter, though, which he appreciates, since he was never too fond of the havoc that he always returned home to when he was studying.

“Since we are the first ones here, you get to pick an apartment first,” Yoongi tells him.

“Are we? Whose cars were outside, then?” Jeongguk asks as they both carry everything down the hall finding the first door.

“Probably maintenance people who are making sure everything is right at the studio,” Yoongi shrugs. “Want number 1 then?”

“I mean, it makes sense, no?” Jeongguk chuckles. “Where do you usually stay?”

“Number three, because I don’t really like being on the ground floor,” Yoongi explains. “But every single apartment is the same so just pick your favorite number, if that helps.”

“Nah, I’ll take number one. I’d rather not take the stairs with this much equipment,” he chuckles and this time, it’s Yoongi who says that he’s so smart, in the same tone that Jeongguk used before.

“Alright, then, the code for this one is… 7265,” Yoongi presses the buttons again and pushes the door open.

“That is… hard.”

“What? You thought it’d be 0000?” Yoongi chuckles as he keeps the door open with his back pressed against it and allows Jeongguk to enter.

“I mean, maybe not that, but something that’s easier to remember,” Jeongguk explains. “But I’ll remember. I’ll write it down, too, just in case,” he nods and writes it along with the one for the front door that Yoongi shares with him. “Oh, wow, this place is bigger than I thought it would be,” he admits once they’re inside and Jeongguk manages to take a look around.

Granted, it’s not the biggest room he’s been in, but as far as apartments go, it’s much better than anything he could’ve afforded years ago.

“They’re all like this?” Jeongguk turns to Yoongi who just closed the door and nods.

“Mirrored, but pretty much the same, yeah. I’ll leave these in the bedroom,” he informs motioning at Jeongguk’s luggage while Jeongguk keeps taking in the whole thing.

There’s an open kitchen that joins with the living space: a couch in front of a big TV and a fireplace for the winter months when it probably reaches below zero temperatures over here more often than not.

“Can I move here permanently?” Jeongguk teases loud enough for Yoongi to hear. “I like it better than my place in L.A.”

“I wonder why,” Yoongi appears again with a bit of a sad smile that takes Jeongguk a few seconds to get.

Right.

Of course.

He hadn’t thought about him for a while. Coming to Korea really helped to make Jeongguk not think about his life back in the States and all the people he wanted to leave behind in his past.

He can’t wait to pour all his emotions into songs so that he can move on.

Jeongguk continues the tour of the apartment while Yoongi seems to be checking if there’s anything worthy on TV.

The bedroom has a big rustic bed in the middle of it and a closet where Jeongguk most likely will unpack his clothes later when they come back from the studio since they’re going to be here for a month, probably. He looks through the window and sees that, as Yoongi said, they are on the ground floor which means that the only view he gets is from the lake that’s apparently behind the building. A lake that he hadn’t seen.

And it’s beautiful.

“Jin hyung says that they’re half an hour away, so, if you want, you can take a shower or a nap in the meantime,” Yoongi informs him from the living room.

“Are you insinuating I smell?” Jeongguk chuckles, coming out of the room to face him.

“I’m insinuating you probably want to look your best for this moment. I actually was going to suggest you to record and document the entire process so that you can look back on it in the future if you ever feel lost again.”

“I mean, what if it doesn’t work out and I have a constant reminder of it?” Jeongguk tries to argue but something inside him tells him that he’s just playing devil’s advocate because it will work out.

It has to.

“Fine, I’m going to take a quick shower and change out of these clothes,” Jeongguk concedes and returns to the bedroom to open his suitcase and take out some comfy clothes that he can wear to the studio later.

“If you come out of the shower and I’m not here, I’m probably letting them in and taking them to their rooms,” Yoongi tells him before Jeongguk gets into the bathroom.

“Alright, hyung. I won’t take that long, though,” he chuckles and, after that, he closes the door after himself.

The scent of the shower gel matches the one that breathes in from the window: piney and woodsy. Jeongguk likes it, it makes him smile and reminds him of home even if back home there weren’t many.

Maybe it is his soul’s home, after all.

He’s ready and he’s pretty sure he’s heard the front door close which probably means that Yoongi went out and it means that everyone else has arrived already.

When Jeongguk comes out of the bathroom he confirms his suspicion when he sees that his hyung is nowhere to be found.

He walks to the window and sees his future band unloading what he assumes is Seokjin’s SUV.

Jeongguk watches them from the window, hoping that the windows are opaque from the other side so that he doesn’t look creepy if either of them turns and spots him.

They’re all there: Hoseok, Seokjin, Namjoon and…

“Oh, shit,” Jeongguk rushes out of the apartment, ready to meet them outside.

“Wait, wait, let me help!” Jeongguk is quick to say when he sees Taehyung trying to lift his keyboard on his own.

“Where did he come from!?” Seokjin laughs, startled by the speed at which Jeongguk arrived at the scene.

“It’s alright, I got it!” Taehyung tries to say but there’s just no way.

“I told you that there was no need for you to bring it, Tae! There’s a piano in the studio,” Namjoon chuckles watching the scene.

Jeongguk picks up the other side of it so that the instrument comes down with ease and they don’t break it.

“I know, but I wanted to have one here too so that I could practice in between recording sessions!” Taehyung explains and that does make sense. After all, Jeongguk also brought two guitars so that he could take one to the studio and leave the other one in the apartment for the same purpose.

“I get it,” Jeongguk chuckles, walking backward into the building where Hoseok is holding the door open for them. “Thanks, hyung!”

“Sure,” Hoseok chuckles. “I’m assuming you’re taking the other apartment downstairs, Tae?”

“Who has the other one?” Taehyung frowns.

“I do,” Jeongguk pops his head to the side again to meet Taehyung’s eyes and he regrets it instantly the second the boy’s smile meets his eyes.

He almost drops the instrument from how awestruck he feels.

“Oh, great! We’re gonna be neighbors!” Taehyung giggles excitedly as Jeongguk walks down the corridor again.

“Wait by the door, I’m gonna help hyung settle and I’ll be right down,” Yoongi tells them from behind. Jeongguk didn’t even know he was following them in the first place.

“Just give us the code!” Jeongguk groans again because he still thinks that it’s a bit dumb that the only one with them is the one who’s not staying in the accommodation in the first place.

But when he receives no response, he knows it is useless to even ask, so the second they make it to the second door of the hallway, they put the keyboard down and they both sigh in relief.

“Thanks for the help,” Taehyung smiles as he starts walking toward him, Jeongguk a little frozen on the spot and it doesn’t improve when Taehyung hugs him. “I hope you don’t mind, I’m a bit of a hugger,” he chuckles before he pulls back to probably find a very flustered Jeongguk.

He feels like his entire face is on fire and there’s nothing he can do about it.

“I—I don’t mind, no,” Jeongguk shakes his head, scratching the back of his head. “Welcome, by the way!”

“I can’t believe we’re here!” Taehyung looks like a little kid on Christmas morning.

“I thought you’d been here before?” Jeongguk frowns a little bit, thinking that he remembered Taehyung talking about it the day they met, but maybe he heard wrong. Maybe he’d been too focused on how beautiful he was that he missed a few of his words.

“And I have,” he confirms with a nod, sitting on the floor while they wait for Yoongi. Jeongguk stays standing, hands in his pockets as he looks down on Taehyung. “Which is why it’s exciting! I love coming here. There’s always such a… I don’t know, almost magical force that takes over us when we’re in this place, and usually, amazing projects come out of it,” he nods. “'I’m sure yours will be no different.”

“I sure hope so,” Jeongguk admits with a light chuckle.

“Are you nervous?” he asks and, this time, Jeongguk does decide to sit next to Taehyung.

“More like absolutely terrified,” he corrects him. “I… I bet so much on this that I’m afraid that, if it doesn’t work out, I’ll…” he can’t bring himself to finish the thought but hopes that Taehyung understands where he was going.

“It will work, Guk,” Taehyung reaches out to squeeze his hand and his touch is so warm that Jeongguk almost melts against it. Guk. He loves the sound of his name from Taehyung’s lips.

“Thanks, hyung,” Jeongguk tells him and Taehyung looks at him surprised. “What?”

“I told you to call me Tae!” he chuckles, almost offended.

“But you’re older than me, too,” Jeongguk joins in the laughs.

“Well, I know that, but I want us to feel comfortable and… y’know, be friends!” Taehyung bumps his shoulder against Jeongguk, making him sway a bit.

“We can be friends, still,” Jeongguk’s still giggling. “Yoongi hyung is one of my best friends and I still call him hyung.”

“Well, yeah, but hyung is ancient, and I—”

“Continue that sentence, I am this close to leaving you out on the street,” Yoongi’s voice is heard from the end of the hallway and they both turn to look at him surprised.

“Noooooo, I was kidding, hyung,” Taehyung is quick to stand up and rush to Yoongi to hug him as well. Yoongi doesn’t accept it as easily as Jeongguk had but eventually gives in. “I mean, if you did leave me out on the street, I’m sure Jeongguk wouldn’t mind rooming with me, right, Gukie?” he chuckles.

“No! No, of course not,” Jeongguk answers a bit too quickly and instantly regrets it because, for some reason, he’s not sure rooming with Taehyung would be that seamless. Mostly because he’s not quite sure how to act around him, yet.

“Mhm, I bet he wouldn’t. But I think it’s best if each of you stick to your own rooms,” Yoongi arrives at the door and presses the code down, opening the door. “I told the rest of the guys and now I’m telling you two: we are gonna be meeting in fifteen minutes in the studio. I ordered some lunch and it should be arriving soon, so we can eat there and start the brainstorm!”

“I thought you weren’t staying, hyung,” Taehyung tells Yoongi.

“And I’m not. Just for today,” he nods. “I’ll start heading there while you guys settle in, Tae! I want to make sure that everything is ready. You coming, Guk?” He asks, but Jeongguk is helping Taehyung bring inside the keyboard.

“No, no, you go ahead, I’ll help out here and we’ll meet you there,” he turns enough to look at Yoongi as he says it and sees him nod before he closes the door. “Where do you want this?” Jeongguk asks chuckling as they walk aimlessly through the apartment.

“There by the window,” Taehyung points with his head. “I like watching the view while I play. It sometimes inspires me,” he admits and Jeongguk feels warm at the confession. They might actually become friends through this experience.

“Cool,” he smiles and keeps walking ahead, turning once they reach the window to place it perfectly. “Um—Tae?” Jeongguk asks once they’ve finished with that.

“Yeah?”

“You only brought your keyboard? Where’s the rest of your stuff?” he chuckles.

“Oh, shit, it must still be in the car,” Taehyung laughs and shakes his head. “You stay here, I’ll go get it and be right back. I didn’t bring much, to be honest.”

“Are you sure?” But Taehyung nods and rushes out the door, closing after himself and Jeongguk is left in his apartment seeing that, as Yoongi said, it’s exactly like his but mirrored.

He decides to find an outlet to plug Taehyung’s keyboard and to make sure that it works, he takes one of the chairs from the kitchen and sits in front of it, hitting a few keys, trying to play a familiar melody.

He sees how worn out some of the keys are and wonders how long Taehyung’s had this instrument and, for some reason, he can’t wait to hear him play it.

There’s a knock on the door followed by an ‘it’s me!’ before Jeongguk opens the door and Taehyung drags his duffel bags into the room.

“Were you playing?” He asks with a smile.

“I—I was just checking that everything worked perfectly, I didn’t—”

“It’s alright, Guk, I was just curious because I thought I heard something but it wouldn’t be the first time I hear piano melodies when there are none,” he chuckles. “It’s cool. You can come by and play whenever you want.”

“Thanks, hyun—Tae,” he corrects himself before he finishes and it seems to amuse Taehyung, who nods.

“Alright, should we get going?”

"You don’t want to unpack or anything first?” Jeongguk asks but Taehyung shakes his head. To be fair, Jeongguk still hasn’t either, so he’s not quite sure why he even asked to begin with. “Alright then, let’s go. Or should we go to hyungs’ rooms to call for them?”

“They were heading out when I went to get my bags. And thank God, because Seokjin had locked the car already,” he chuckles and opens the door. “After you, superstar.”

“Oh, shut up,” Jeongguk feels himself blush at the title. He’s nothing of the sort and he’s not sure if he’d ever want to be one, either.

But all Taehyung does is giggle and close the door after himself before he starts leading the way down the road to the cabin Jeongguk saw earlier.

“Oh, shit, I forgot my guitar and my notebook, wait,” Jeongguk notices soon enough and rushes back to his apartment even though he hears Taehyung scream at him that there are probably guitars there as well, but he needs his.

And, especially, he needs his notes.

He gathers everything quickly and bolts out of the room once more, finding that Taehyung has, in fact, waited for him.

“All good?” he smiles when Jeongguk joins him again, out of breath.

“Now, I am,” he nods and, after taking another deep breath and taking in the smell of nature around them, they resume walking.

“Any rules you guys would like to set before starting the process?” Jeongguk asks the rest of the band as if it wasn’t his project. As if he wasn’t the one who had the final say in the decisions of what worked or didn’t.

“I think that it’s a good idea to have an open mentality,” Yoongi suggests. “Remember the first thing I taught you years ago?” 

“There are no bad ideas,” Jeongguk recites, remembering Yoongi’s teaching from when he first started working on music. “Only ideas that maybe don’t work right now.” 

“That’s actually very smart,” Hoseok adds. “I think one of the worst enemies of creativity is our own demons, so… we should not put any ideas down lightly.” 

“Agreed!” Namjoon nods. 

“I think an important one is to just have fun,” Seokjin chuckles. “And I’m not saying this as a ‘ let’s not take it seriously’ kind of way but like… we all love what we do but sometimes it can get a bit intense with retreats like these and we gotta remind ourselves why we’re here.” 

“Of course, you would suggest that,” Yoongi giggles.

“Fuck you, you don’t even go here!” Seokjin flips him off shaking his head but still with a smile on his face. 

“Tae? Wanna add one, too?” Hoseok asks. 

“I… I don’t know just… listen to each other,” Taehyung shrugs. “It’s a bit like Yoongi hyung said, there are no bad ideas but sometimes we are not aware that an idea has been thrown out there in the first place.” 

“Hyung suggested documenting and recording the whole process,” Jeongguk adds. “I think that way we can catch if we miss something.” 

“Most of all, Jeongguk, I think the most important rule here is for you to remember that this is your album,” Namjoon reminds him. “And no matter what we can do or say, what we can bring to the table, you have the final say. And if you don’t like something or if it doesn’t work out, then don’t be afraid to tell us! We are big guys, we can take any criticism.” 

“I—I’ll try to remember that,” he chuckles. “But I… I know this is my album but I want you to feel like it’s yours, too.” 

“Then, let’s start working on it, shall we?” Seokjin stands and claps his hands together. “Let’s make history, baby!” He says in English with a very Korean accent which makes them all burst out laughing. 

The equipment has already been set up and, according to Yoongi who has been talking to the technicians that were here before they arrived, everything else is ready as well. 

Since Yoongi is one of the few who knows how the big machines in the studio work, he gives them a rundown as well for when he’s not there anymore. 

“You could just stay and be the producer that you were born to be, hyung,” Hoseok suggests and it’s not like Jeongguk hasn’t done the same thing before, but he knows that Yoongi’s busy and has other things to do. 

“And I’d love to, Hoseok,” his smile is sad when he says it. “But, for now, you all pay attention and that way, you will be able to do this even if I’m not here.” 

Some of the equipment is older than what Jeongguk is used to in the studios where he recorded his latest album in the States, but apparently it will help with the rustic and organic feel that he’s going for, too. 

“You know we’re probably not actually going to begin the recording process for a while, right?” Namjoon laughs and Yoongi glares at him instead of replying. 

“We appreciate it hyung, you’re the best!” Taehyung chimes in and Jeongguk notices that he’s actually taking notes.

And he can’t help the smile that grows on his face at the sight. 

Once the explanation finishes, they go back to the couches they were before and all eyes land on Jeongguk and his notebooks. 

“So, um,” he hits the cover of his notebook with his pen. A nervous habit that doesn’t actually help him calm down at all, but still, he can’t help it. “Most of these aren’t even good—”

“Isn’t that against rule number one?” Taehyung points out and when Jeongguk meets his eyes, he finds him smiling fondly, like he understands him. 

“Rephrase,” Namjoon encourages him.

“I am not sure if any of these ideas will work,” Jeongguk tries again with a chuckle, “but I wrote some verses on tour and these past few weeks as well. I have no melodies, though, so I can’t really sing them.” 

“That’s why we’re here, aren’t we?” Hoseok smiles. “To try and bring music into your words.” 

“Should we start by just… playing some songs we all might know to like get in the groove and all? I feel like we might need to rust off,” Seokjin suggests. 

“Should we play some of his songs?” is Taehyung’s voice who asks and Jeongguk turns to face him as if someone slapped him. “What? Do you think we came unprepared? I learned most of your songs already just to get the feel of them and know what it is that you’re usually comfortable singing,” he explains and Jeongguk’s heart does something funny like compose an entire symphony in return. 

And as if to prove his point, Taehyung sits by the grand piano that’s at the studio and plays a chord that Jeongguk knows like the back of his hand. 

It’s his first song.

The one he sang at his last concert and made him cry to the point that every single fan in the room probably assumed that something was wrong. 

Slowly, they all start joining in: Namjoon’s drums are light for this one since it’s more of a ballad and both Seokjin and Hoseok pick up their guitars and strum along, too. 

As the melody starts to come together, Jeongguk sees the light in Yoongi’s eyes. He closes his eyes, taking everything in.

He takes in the rawness of the instruments, and how real they sound compared to the electronic feel that he got used to when working on his last album. 

And, when he starts singing along, it comes out so naturally. Everything blends in together, and he sees how, although they make some mistakes with the chords, they figure it out and Jeongguk feels something ignite in his chest. Something that he thought he’d lost a long time ago. 

When he opens his eyes again, he sees Yoongi filming them.

And something tells him that he will treasure that footage for as long as he lives. 

As Jeongguk feared, none of the ideas that were in his notebook were too helpful, but they’re doing a brainstorming session when Yoongi decides that he should start driving back to the city. 

After all, it is a few hours away and the sun is already starting to set, so it’s likely that he will arrive at night. 

“Keep this up, alright? And don’t get discouraged if it takes longer than you expected. That’s the creative process,” Yoongi hugs Jeongguk last after having said goodbye to the rest, who are still playing random melodies that they come up with to see if something sticks. 

“I’ll try to keep you updated,” he chuckles. 

“Don’t worry, I actually think you should throw away your phone for a while and be off the grid even more than usual,” Yoongi advises him. “Not to get… distracted, you know?” 

And, although he doesn’t say it, Jeongguk knows why he says that. 

He knows who might decide to call out of nowhere and distract Jeongguk. 

“Thanks, hyung,” he nods. “Drive safely back and let us know when you make it home!” 

“Will do. I’ll see you guys soon!” He says loud enough to be heard over the plucking of the strings. 

“Bye, hyung!” Jeongguk hears a choir from the rest of them, with Seokjin saying Yoongi instead. 

And it is silent for a few seconds after the door closes, as if they’re all half expecting Yoongi to come back in and tell them that he’s actually choosing to stay, but it doesn’t happen.

And, instead, a piano melody ruptures the quiet. 

A melody that has Jeongguk turn around to watch Taehyung and see that the other three are also watching. 

He’s mesmerized by the high-note run he’s playing, and when he reaches for his notebook and reads some of the words, some of the keywords he shared with them was ‘honesty’. 

And there’s something in Taehyung’s melody that’s making his skin break into goosebumps. By the way that all his members seem to be holding their breath, he thinks he’s not the only one feeling it. 

He takes his phone out and starts recording, although he’s pretty sure the notes are being engraved in his brain as Taehyung keeps going. 

And words start popping in his brain, matching the rhythm, matching the music, matching Taehyung. 

When Taehyung finally stops with a sigh, he turns around, almost as if he’d forgotten where he was entirely, or as if he forgot that he wasn’t on his own. 

“That was beautiful,” Seokjin is the one to break the silence and Jeongguk would’ve said the same thing if his soul hadn’t left his body. 

Taehyung looks shy, almost. His cheeks are a bit red as he quietly thanks Seokjin. 

“Is it yours?” Namjoon asks this time. 

“I just… it just came up,” Taehyung scratches the back of his head, turning again not to face them and brushing his fingers against the keys again. 

“I think we can use it,” Jeongguk finds his voice and it makes Taehyung turn. “I… I need to write some lyrics down, but I think we can use it.” 

“Really?” his eyes shine in a way that makes Jeongguk want to give him the world and then some. 

“Yeah, really,” Jeongguk smiles as well and walks until he sits back down on the chair he was using and picks up his pencil, and starts writing, playing the recording on his phone. 

The entire world disappears and it’s just him, his words, and Taehyung’s music. 

They decide to wrap up their first day even if they technically made no progress at all, not really. 

At least Jeongguk got some words down thanks to Taehyung’s improv melody, but nothing too set in stone quite yet. 

Still, he thinks it was successful. He feels optimistic, which is the best way to start. 

“See you guys tomorrow!” Taehyung says goodbye to their hyungs after they get back into the building. 

One of the reasons why they called it off earlier was because they had to drive to the nearest town to buy some food for their apartment.

“Bright and early?” Namjoon asks. “I wanted to maybe go for a jog around the place in the morning.” 

“Of course you did,” Seokjin rolls his eyes, already going up the stairs with his two bags of food. “Let’s say we’re meeting at 11 which is a reasonable hour for the rest of us who’d rather stay in bed.” 

“Sounds good!” Jeongguk nods. He knows that, if he gets inspired, he might head to the studio before that, anyway. 

“Good night, guys, and great job today!” Hoseok beams at them before he disappears around the corner of the stairs as well, leaving Taehyung and Jeongguk alone on the ground floor, walking to their respective apartments.

And it’s not until they reach the doors that Taehyung gasps.

“What? What is it?” Jeongguk turns to face him. “Did you forget something at the store?” 

“Hyung never told me the code,” Taehyung notices, and, for a second, Jeongguk is confused. 

Until he realizes that since Yoongi was the one to open the door for them, he never actually told them.

“He didn’t text it to you either?” Jeongguk asks and Taehyung takes his phone out to check but shakes his head. 

“Wait, I’m gonna call him,” Taehyung says. “Do you think he made it to Seoul already?” 

“Doubt it…” Jeongguk bites his lip nervously and enters his code to open the door. “Come in in the meantime, at least so that you can put your food in the fridge so it doesn’t go to waste,” Jeongguk offers, keeping the door open for Taehyung, who hangs up without reaching Yoongi. 

“God, I didn’t even think about it,” Taehyung groans once he’s inside. “I forgot completely.” 

“Honestly, so did I,” Jeongguk chuckles, closing the door and taking his phone out. “I’d tell you to call him again but I remember him saying something about having issues linking his phone to the car so maybe that’s why he’s not replying either… Let’s just text him and you can hang here in the meantime if you want.” 

Truthfully, Jeongguk knows that it’s not like Taehyung can leave until Yoongi replies. Well, he could always decide to go upstairs to one of their hyung’s rooms who he knows much better than he knows Jeongguk but—

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a bother.” 

“I doubt you’d ever bother anyone,” honesty spills past his lips before he can stop to rephrase his thoughts in a way that doesn’t embarrass him, but Taehyung's smile grows, so he doesn’t mind that much. “I mean it, though, you can stay. I can make us some dinner, just in case hyung takes a while. Is there any food you don’t like?”

“Oh, it’s alright, I—” 

“Hyung,” Jeongguk stops him and Taehyung’s eyes are so soft that Jeongguk almost melts. “Please? As a thank you for that gorgeous melody you shared with me.” 

With us, he wished he could have said. But he didn’t.

“You really liked it?” He asks, taking his groceries to the kitchen to place them on the fridge as Jeongguk suggested. 

“I really liked it,” he emphasizes the word, changing the meaning.

“Wanna share some of the lyrics you wrote with me?” He turns to look at him and Jeongguk feels his cheeks burn. “Unless you don’t think they’re ready yet.” 

“I mean, they’re definitely not ready,” Jeongguk chuckles. “But I can, yeah. Maybe you can help me out with them.”

“I regret to say I haven’t written a song in my life so I’m not too sure if I’ll be much help,” Taehyung chuckles as he moves away to let Jeongguk put away his groceries as well. “But I’d love to try!” 

“Great,” Jeongguk smiles when he walks past him. “So. Anything you don’t like?” He asks again, checking the ingredients he bought and already knowing he’ll end up not cooking anything too elaborate because he’s way too tired to do so.

“As long as it’s not too spicy, I’ll live,” Taehyung tells him and Jeongguk turns with wide eyes. “Don’t give me that look or any ‘what kind of Korean doesn’t like spicy food’ bullshit,” he laughs. 

“I wasn’t gonna! I’m just surprised, is all,” Jeongguk joins in. “But I can do that, yeah, not too spicy,” he nods and closes the fridge. “Go get comfortable, this won’t take too long,” he signals at the ramen pots on top of the kitchen island. 

“Oh, wow, what a chef,” Taehyung teases him. “But honestly? I’m craving ramen, too, so, it sounds good to me,” he nods heading to the sitting area. “Actually, I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick if it’s okay.” 

“Sure! If you want to wash up, I can lend you some clothes too,” Jeongguk suggests. 

“No, no, don’t worry, it’s alright,” Taehyung shakes his head. “But thank you, Gukie,” he smiles before Jeongguk loses sight of him. 

His heart slams against his chest and he half-hopes Yoongi’s phone doesn’t work just so that Taehyung can stay around a little longer. 

Food doesn’t take too long to make, and Jeongguk decides to use one of the instant noodles pots Taehyung bought for himself instead of using two of his just in case it would still be too spicy for him somehow. 

When Taehyung comes out of the bathroom, he informs him that there is indeed no news on Yoongi yet.

“I also texted him, just in case,” Jeongguk tells him. “Here, your incredibly nutritious meal,” he pushes his pot and Taehyung bursts out laughing. 

“You have no idea how right you are,” he picks it up. “It’s more than I eat most days,” he admits with a chuckle. 

“Why’s that?” Jeongguk asks and immediately feels bad for it. “I mean, you don’t have to answer that—” 

“No, it’s fine,” Taehyung’s smile is sweet. “I just… Most days I’m too tired when I get home that I forget to eat, that's all. So instant noodles are my saving grace but sometimes I don’t even manage to turn the kettle on before I pass out,” he chuckles. 

“I get that,” Jeongguk finishes mixing his own noodles. “If it weren’t because my managers bring us food while we wait to go on stage, I doubt I would get fed most nights, either…” He admits while he walks toward the living area where Taehyung is already sitting on the couch. “You work very hard, don’t you?” 

“I kinda have to,” Taehyung shrugs with a resigned smile. “Someone has to pay the bills and all, you know?”

“I hope that, while we’re here, you get to rest a bit, though,” Jeongguk sighs, seeing the dark circles under his lovely eyes. He doesn’t mention it to him, though. “And don’t worry, I’ll make sure you get compensated for all the tutoring sessions you’re missing while you’re here, too.” 

“Oh, no, no!” Taehyung turns around quickly. “Please, don’t worry about that, I—I’m not doing this for the money or anything.” 

“I know,” Jeongguk chuckles. “But I gotta pay you all, anyway. And even if I didn’t have to, I still would.” Taehyung holds his eyes, then, and maybe it’s the warmth of the noodles cup still in his hands but he feels his entire body aflame, too. “Is it good?” He signals at Taehyung’s dinner with his head, needing a change of topic. 

“Oh, yeah, delicious,” Taehyung nods, taking a few seconds to reply, and chuckles after. “Thanks again for making them and for letting me stay here, Guk.” 

“Of course,” Jeongguk blows on the noodles before he slurps them, enjoying the spiciness of them on his tongue. 

Yep, he definitely made the right call by not giving Taehyung these ones. And they’re definitely less bland than the ones that they sell in the States, too. 

“Is it very spicy?” Taehyung laughs, seeing Jeongguk’s reaction and how he exhales quickly.  

“Yeah, but I like it,” Jeongguk admits, and he’s about to reach for his drink when he notices he didn’t bring out any. “Oh, damn, I didn’t—Do you want a beer?” Jeongguk offers, standing up again to head to the kitchen. 

“Oh, no, water’s fine!” Taehyung assures him. “I’m not the biggest fan of beer if I’m honest. I much prefer wine.” 

“That explains it, then,” Jeongguk chuckles, closing the fridge’s door with his foot while he brings back to the couch a can of beer for himself and a bottle of water for Taehyung. 

“Explains what?” Taehyung frowns. 

“Why you work so hard. You’ve got expensive taste, hyung,” Jeongguk smirks as he opens the can and hears the sound of the bubbles inside it rising. And, although he did say it to be funny, he doesn’t expect Taehyung’s reaction when he laughs so hard he falls over his lap, nearly dropping all the food over the both of them. 

“That—I never actually thought about it, but yeah, I do,” Taehyung admits after he’s managed to calm down, tears still brimming from his eyes because of it. “Maybe I should switch to only soju and drop the classes instead.” 

“Mhm, maybe,” Jeongguk’s smile is still plastered on his face as he takes a sip from his drink. 

And it’s a weird thought but he doesn’t remember the last time he laughed this hard or the last time he felt this comfortable and in synch with someone before. 

Especially with someone he barely knows. 

But he likes it. 

He likes it a lot. 

There are two empty and scrunched-up cans on top of the table next to the finished noodles’ cups and Yoongi still hasn’t contacted them. 

Taehyung looks incredibly tired and Jeongguk almost suggests him to sleep in his bed instead and, when Yoongi eventually makes it home, Jeongguk can head to Taehyung’s instead just for the night, but he doesn’t. 

Instead, he heads to his room to pick up his notebook because he promised Taehyung he would show him the lyrics he wrote to his melody so, although he’s incredibly nervous and self-conscious about them, he’s nothing if not a man of his word.

He hears Taehyung speak from the living room and Jeongguk rushes to see if it is Yoongi, but Taehyung turns to face him and his face looks… 

“What is it? Is it hyung?” Jeongguk asks, anxiety sitting like a stone on his stomach only from the look in Taehyung’s eyes. “Is he ok—”

“Do you know someone named Andrew?” Taehyung asks and his body freezes. 

Not now. 

Not here. 

Not again. 

Taehyung is still holding Jeongguk’s phone in his hand and Jeongguk can see the contact name on the screen, can see the picture there, still, and can’t bring himself to take another step forward. 

“Do you want me to hang up?” Taehyung asks in Korean. Andrew never bothered to learn anything past ‘hello’ through all the time they dated, so he’s not worried about him understanding a word. 

But that’s the problem. 

If Taehyung hangs up, Jeongguk will probably stay up all night worrying. 

So, he sighs and crosses the rest of the room to get his phone back and presses it against his ear. 

“Drew,” he sounds tired and the reality is that he’s exhausted. “Why are you calling?” 

“Who was that?” is the first thing he asks and, truly, Jeongguk should’ve known. Taehyung’s eyes are apologetic and Jeongguk wants to reassure him that he did nothing wrong, but right now, all his energy is focused on not falling apart. 

“What do you want?” Jeongguk asks again, ignoring his question altogether. 

“What do you think I want, baby? I want you.” And Jeongguk hates that he recognizes the tone. 

“You’re drunk.” It’s not even an accusation, he’s just in disbelief. “You’re fucking drunk at… what time is it over there?” 

“What else am I supposed to do without you?” he whines and Jeongguk feels sick. 

“Oh, no, don’t you dare blame this on me,” Jeongguk snaps. “You told me you were sober again. You promised me that—” he shuts himself up. He shouldn’t care. It’s over. Andrew’s choices aren’t his problem anymore. “Go to bed, Andrew, and don’t call me again. I’m serious.” 

“Did you really move away? You already moved on? Is that how little I meant to you, Jeongguk?” He closes his eyes and clutches his phone so hard he’s scared he might break it. 

Maybe he should. 

Getting a new number would surely rid him of this. 

“Good night.” Is all he says before hanging up and trying his hardest to not throw his phone across the room. 

And it is quiet for a few seconds before Taehyung speaks again. 

“I am so sorry, I thought it was hyung and I didn’t even check I just—” 

“It’s alright,” Jeongguk opens his eyes again and finds… he’s not even sure what exactly he finds in Taehyung’s eyes but it makes him almost want to cry. 

“Is it?” he asks, still from the couch. 

Jeongguk has mastered the art of pretending not to be shattered by that same person for years, so it comes naturally to nod and sit by his side, handing him the notebook he went to retrieve in the first place. 

“Here you go, you can read them while I clean this up,” he hands it over to him and Jeongguk can feel that there’s something on the tip of Taehyung’s tongue. Something that he’s dying to say, but he doesn’t.

Jeongguk starts to clear the table and takes everything to the kitchen, taking his time so that he doesn’t have to see Taehyung’s reaction to his words. 

But when he comes back, he sees that Taehyung is flipping through the rest of the pages, too. 

“I already shared those with you all earlier,” Jeongguk tries to chuckle nervously. For some reason, it feels different, now. 

“I know, I just wanted to read them again,” Taehyung admits, looking up to meet his eyes again and now he looks sad. 

“And? What do you think?” Jeongguk sits back down, taking back the notebook now that Taehyung’s done with it, and stares at the words again. 

He almost wants to rip off the page, now. 

“Can I ask you something? In the spirit of… full honesty?” He asks and Jeongguk watches his throat bob when he gulps. 

And even before he agrees to it, Jeongguk already knows what the question is going to be. 

“Go ahead,” he nods. 

“Was that… who your songs are about?” It’s almost a whisper but it’s loud enough. 

Jeongguk takes a deep breath as he reads the words again. 

The whisky on your tongue makes you bitter 

You can never admit that you’re wrong

I wish at least you were honest

But your glass is always full when I’m gone

“Yep, that’s Andrew,” Jeongguk admits just as quietly. 

“Do you… want to talk about it? About him?” Taehyung asks, keeping his distance but Jeongguk wishes he could come closer. Wishes he could touch him, even if it were only the brush of their fingers. 

“Is it alright if I… don’t?” his eyes meet Taehyung’s again and his vision starts to get blurry. It only fades when he feels a wet trail down his cheek. “I don’t think I can, yet.” 

“Of course, it’s alright,” Taehyung is quick to say and, this time, he moves too quick for Jeongguk to even brace himself before he’s embraced by him instead. “I’m so sorry, Jeongguk, really,” he mutters against his head and Jeongguk has to close his eyes not to break. 

But maybe he could allow himself to. 

He’s always held back from doing so in front of his friends because he knew what they would say. He knew that they never liked Andrew in the first place and he knew that he was making a mistake every single time he went back to him, but Taehyung doesn’t know him. 

So Jeongguk allows himself to cry in his arms for a while. 

The guilt trapping him under, making him sink. 

“It’s not your fault,” Taehyung whispers and, for a second, Jeongguk worries he might’ve said the words out loud. “His choices aren’t your responsibility.” 

But Andrew’s words stab him again. 

“What else am I supposed to do without you?” 

And a memory hits him just as hard. 

A year ago

Jeongguk is so excited to come home. 

He’s been staying at the studio working on his latest album for a while to the point that he even slept there some nights, but it’s finally over. 

And although it’s something very different from what he’d done before, he thinks he’ll also love it when everything is mixed and ready. 

But for now, he’s going home.

Home to Andrew. 

Although they’ve been texting every day, Jeongguk can’t help but miss him. 

And, deep down, he knows he shouldn’t. He knows that, after having broken up and gotten back together more times than he can count, maybe it should be a sign for him to not run back to him again, but if matters of the heart were that easily solved, the world would be so much easier. 

Unfortunately, it’s not. 

So here he is, running back to his apartment. 

He didn’t warn him in advance because he wanted to surprise him, and as the sun sets behind the buildings of downtown LA, he drives to Andrew’s apartment with a smile and a weird feeling in his chest. 

His friends would probably say it’s guilt or regret, but he never listens. He doesn’t want to listen. 

When he parks the car, he checks his phone to see if he’s got any texts from him but finds nothing. 

Jeongguk takes a deep breath before he knocks on his door, bracing himself for the moment he sees him again in person after so long. 

But the first thing that he notices the second the door opens is the stench of whisky coming from inside of the apartment. 

Oozing from Andrew himself. 

“Oh, my God, Guk?!” He definitely looks surprised but not in a good way. At least, not in the way Jeongguk wanted him to. “Wh—What are you doing here?” He asks but Jeongguk is frozen on the spot. 

“You’re drunk?” He asks, almost not even recognizing his voice.

“What? No, no, of course not, I—Come here!” he giggles and pulls Jeongguk in to kiss him. 

And Jeongguk has been craving that kiss for so long that he hates to break it. 

“You’re drunk,” he affirms this time. His nose is sensitive enough to smells to tell and his tongue tastes of alcohol. 

“I’m not drunk, Jeongguk, don’t be dramatic.” And there it is. The bitterness. “I just had something to drink with my friends earlier, it’s fine—” 

“You can’t fucking go out and get a drink, Andrew, you have a problem!” Jeongguk snaps. 

This is definitely not the welcome party he had expected. 

“I don’t have a problem, what the fuck?!” he chuckles in disbelief. “I’m sorry, alright? I just—I just missed you so much, you know?”

“Oh, so now it’s my fault that you got drunk—” 

“I’m not fucking drunk!” He snaps, pushing Jeongguk so hard against the wall that his bags drop. 

And it’s then that he seems to understand. 

Jeongguk’s eyes are wide with fear, they’re wide with shock, too. 

“Fuck, baby, I’m sorry, I—” 

“Get the fuck away from me,” Jeongguk tries to back away but he can’t go further.

“Guk, no, please, I’m sorry, don’t go,” Andrew begs, falling on his knees and his tears fall, too.

And, against his better judgment, after a few seconds, Jeongguk drops to his knees, too. 

“You see that you do have a problem, right?” Jeongguk holds his face and tries to meet his eyes. They’re hazy, of course, they are. 

“I don’t want to, though,” he admits and turns to press a kiss against Jeongguk’s hand. “I—I promise I’ll stop. I’m gonna get better, for you.” 

“Don’t do it for me, do it for yourself,” Jeongguk presses their foreheads together. 

“I love you,” Andrew cries in his arms and Jeongguk lets him. 

Jeongguk believes him, even if it’s not the first time they’ve had this conversation. 

And, unfortunately, it won’t be the last one, either. 

Chapter Text

Jeongguk is drained both physically and mentally after the events of the past hour. 

Taehyung encouraged him to take a shower when he finally stopped crying and the second he walked into the bathroom, he almost jumped at how red his eyes were. 

He’s going to have to put some ice on them if he doesn’t want to have them swollen tomorrow because he’s not sure if he can stand having to explain it again to the rest. 

Not that he actually told Taehyung anything, but he probably assumes enough as it is. 

Yoongi still hasn’t gotten back to them and, if he wasn’t so drained, he would be worried. It shouldn’t take him this long to get back to Seoul. 

Even with traffic, he should’ve made it already. 

But he decides to shower first and worry later. 

The water feels warm against his skin and he sighs in relief, spending a few minutes just under the spray, trying to wash away the words, trying to wash away all his demons that seem to be knocking on his door. 

He finishes washing up and gets one of the towels in the cabinet under the sink and wraps it around his waist. 

He didn’t even bring in his clothes which means he has to go out like this. 

He’s too far gone to care, right now. 

“Still nothing?” Jeongguk asks, walking to the living area and seeing Taehyung on his phone. He hopes that he’s not telling the others about his breakdown. He hopes he didn’t embarrass him to the point that he’s now regretting agreeing to this. 

Taehyung looks up from the screen and Jeongguk doesn’t miss the way he does a double-take, blinking a few times and staring. 

“Uh—what?” he asks, moving his gaze up to Jeongguk’s eyes. 

“Any news from hyung?”

“Oh, that, right,” Taehyung chuckles nervously, looking away. “Not yet. My texts aren’t getting through, so, I don’t know, maybe his phone died or something…” 

“That does sound like him,” Jeongguk sighs. “Alright, well, you can take my bed if you want, I can sleep on the couch,” he offers. 

“Oh, no, no, don’t worry—” Taehyung shakes his head. “I can sleep on the couch—” 

“It’s fine, hyung. Can’t have you having back or neck pain tomorrow,” Jeongguk tries to smile enough to hopefully erase Taehyung’s memory of him sobbing in his arms a while ago. Something softens in Taehyung’s eyes, then.

“Then we both take the bed,” Taehyung shrugs. “It’s big enough for us both, isn’t it?” 

And, although Jeongguk is literally naked under his towel, his entire body burns at the thought alone. 

“Y–Yeah,” it’s his turn now to sound flustered. 

“Then it’s settled. And, well, if hyung replies, then I leave, but—” 

“Just for now,” Jeongguk finishes for him, and Taehyung nods. “Alright, well, I’m gonna—I’m gonna go get changed. Are you sure you don’t want to take a quick shower?” Jeongguk offers again. “Pretty sure my clothes will fit you.” 

“Guess there’s no point saying no again,” he chuckles and stands. “Were there more towels?” 

“Yeah, there were more under the sink,” Jeongguk nods. “Give me a second and I’ll bring something out for you.” 

“Thanks, Guk,” Taehyung smiles and Jeongguk retreats back to the bedroom, takes out a pair of boxers for him, and puts on his pajama set. He usually doesn’t wear it, since he’s much more comfortable sleeping naked, but it’s not like that’s a possibility today. 

He finds a pair of sweatpants, a T-shirt, and another pair of boxers for Taehyung and walks back to the living room to hand them to him. 

“I’ll give them back to you tomorrow,” Taehyung promises. 

“It’s alright,” Jeongguk smiles. “I’ll—” ‘wait for you in bed’ he almost says, but instead he just gestures to the bedroom with his head. 

“Okay,” Taehyung nods and walks to the bathroom. 

Jeongguk heads to the bedroom and texts Yoongi again . For a second, he almost texts Jimin, just in case, but he decides against it and just waits. 

He’s too tired. 

His eyes are too heavy. 

He gets in bed and leaves the light on for Taehyung, but he falls asleep before he joins him. 

Jeongguk wakes up feeling like he’s been asleep for eight years at least. After all, it’s been a few days since he last slept soundly and after his festival of tears last night, it seems like his body really needed it.

When he eventually peers his eyes open, he almost jumps at the sight of Taehyung asleep by his side. 

Right. 

He forgot. 

The curtains aren’t drawn and the first rays of the sun of the day seep through the window, bathing the end of the bed gold. 

Jeongguk notices then that Taehyung fell asleep over the covers. He’s curled up around his own body as if he was cold but still decided not to get in bed with him.

He pulls the covers off and throws them over Taehyung who visibly relaxes under the warmth and it makes Jeongguk smile a little. 

There’s no denying his beauty, that much is obvious, but he really should get used to it otherwise he’s not sure he’s ever going to be able to stop staring at him. 

Jeongguk eventually looks away from him in favor of reaching over to get his phone and he sees that Yoongi did text him back eventually.

And, as he reads his messages, his frown deepens at the same time that his heart warms. 

from: Yoongi hyung 

shit Guk I’m sorry 

my phone died and I had to head to the company as soon as I got to the city and I couldn’t charge it 

I already talked to Taehyung so I guess I wasn’t too late and you guys were still up 

still, I’m sorry I completely forgot about the codes

good luck tomorrow! 

Taehyung managed to talk to Yoongi?

And he still decided to stay? 

As if he could somehow feel that Jeongguk was looking at him for answers, Taehyung takes a deep breath followed by a light whine as he stretches under the covers and opens his eyes slowly.

Jeongguk’s eyes are on his straight away. 

“Oh, hi, you’re up already,” Taehyung’s voice is so much lower that it stirs something in Jeongguk’s guts. It seems like Taehyung takes notice of the fact that he is now wrapped up around the covers and gasps. “Shit, did I—did I pull these from you?” He asks. 

“No, no, I—You looked like you were cold,” Jeongguk explains, still unmoving, still with so many thoughts that he feels dizzy. “Why did you stay?” He asks and realizes how wrong it sounds but before he can say anything else, Taehyung replies. 

“You asked me to,” he chuckles a little bit. 

“Hyung texted me last night, he said he talked to you,” Jeongguk points out. 

“Oh… Yeah,” Taehyung’s smile turns sad again. The same shade it had last night every time he looked at him after Andrew’s call. “I guess I… Guess I didn’t want to leave you, last night.” 

“Why?” he asks even though he’s pretty sure he knows the answer. 

Taehyung felt pity for him. 

“Are you upset?” Taehyung asks, this time retreating a little bit and Jeongguk is quick to shake his head. 

“No, I’m not upset just… confused,” he admits. “I mean, I don’t mind that you stayed, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked in the first place, I just—I thought you’d rather go and sleep in your own bed, under the covers instead of freezing because you just wanted to—” 

“I just didn’t want you to be alone,” Taehyung interrupts him. “I’m sorry if I overstepped, really, I just… You didn’t look too well and I’d never leave a friend alone in such a situation.” 

Friend. 

Jeongguk’s chest tightens and the corners of his lips lift a little. 

“Thank you,” is all he manages to say. 

“I was going to tell you about hyung calling but you were already asleep when I came back from the shower and you looked so… exhausted earlier that I didn’t want to wake you, so I stayed.” 

“Thank you,” he repeats. He’s not used to having someone by his side like that, always locking himself off from everyone who might be able to help just because he most of the time doesn’t think he deserves it for choosing his own fate repeatedly. “What is it, then?” 

“What’s what?” Taehyung asks confused. 

“The code,” Jeongguk chuckles. 

“Oh! I don’t remember anymore, but I wrote it down because I knew this would happen,” he shrugs and lays back down in bed. “What time is it?” 

“Early,” Jeongguk chuckles and reaches for his phone to check again. “Eight twenty-six,” he shows him the screen. 

“Great, I can still sleep some more, then,” he chuckles and wraps the covers over his body more. 

“Here? Don’t you rather head to yours?” Jeongguk chuckles. He knows that there’s no chance he’s going back to sleep anyway, so he doesn’t even bother telling Taehyung to actually get in bed instead.

“Nah, this is already very warm,” he nuzzles his nose against the pillow and a wild thought runs through Jeongguk’s mind that tonight, his smell might be all over the bed. “Unless you want me to—” 

“You’re good,” Jeongguk shakes his head. “I’m gonna go work out a little before we have to be at the studio, I think. Run around the lake, maybe,” he nods. 

“Well, good luck with that,” he chuckles, closing his eyes. “Wake me later, yeah?” 

“Will do, hyung. Rest lots,” and as if to prove his point, he draws the curtains again so that the room is darker. 

He drags his suitcase out of the room so that he can get his workout clothes and trainers and gets changed in the bathroom, confirming his fears from last night that his eyes are, indeed, swollen as if he’d been stung by something. 

Great. 

He just hopes nobody feels comfortable enough to ask him about it when they see him. 

He puts his phone in his pocket and his headphones on and heads out. 

The morning breeze is comforting the second he crosses the door to the building. 

He takes a few minutes to stretch, knowing that after not having worked out in a while, his body is still a bit stiff and not wanting to get hurt, and once he feels himself ready, he chooses a suitable soundtrack and starts running. 

Halfway through the run Jeongguk decides that he’s going to start today’s session showing the rest of the demos he’s got. Yesterday, he only showed them the lyrics in his journal, hoping that they would somehow inspire any of them, but since that didn’t work out, maybe the few melodies he’s recorded over the past few months on his phone might do the trick. 

Maybe they can start with the base and build from there, who knows? 

He makes his way back to the apartment with enough time to take yet another shower before heading to the studio and he can’t help but smile when he sees that Taehyung is still asleep when he returns. 

“Hyung,” Jeongguk softly calls him, drawing the curtains open slightly so that the light can seep through once more. “Wake up,” he chuckles when Taehyung whines slightly at the disturbance. “I’m gonna go shower, but don’t fall asleep again, yeah? We can’t be late,” Jeongguk pulls from the covers a little bit but Taehyung holds onto them as if his life depended on it, and Jeongguk can’t help but think it’s cute. 

He picks up a fresh set of clothes and heads back to the bathroom to wash up. 

A quick look at his phone informs him that they’ve got half an hour before they’re supposed to meet the rest at the studio, so Jeongguk hurries so that they have enough time to have breakfast, too. 

To his surprise, when he makes his way back to the room, Taehyung is sitting on the bed, still wrapped around the duvet and eyes half-open. 

“Good morning, again,” Jeongguk chuckles. “Coffee?” Jeongguk asks, fully drawing the curtains now and opening the window, gaining himself a shriek from his companion for the night. 

“Are you always this mean in the morning?” Taehyung complains. 

“Not sure, I’m not used to waking up with anyone by my side anymore,” he tries to joke around but it comes out flat. Thankfully, though, Taehyung doesn’t comment on it. 

“No coffee for me unless you feel like cleaning up vomit,” Taehyung manages to pull himself out of the bed. 

He hadn’t noticed his clothes earlier but seeing Taehyung with his clothes stirs something in him that he would rather not try to dissect right now. 

“You have like eight jobs at once and you don’t drink coffee? Are you insane?” Jeongguk asks surprised and Taehyung laughs. 

“You could say that,” he shrugs. “I just hate the bitterness of it and I’d rather not force myself to have it just because and use up an entire pack of sugar every time.” 

“How do you manage, then? Energy drinks?” 

“My pure strength of will,” Taehyung nods with a chuckle. “But I’ll take a cup of tea if you have any—Actually, my groceries are here, so, there should be some,” he remembers. 

“I’ll go ahead and prepare it, then,” Jeongguk nods with a smile and heads to the kitchen as Taehyung heads to the bathroom. 

He puts the kettle on for Taehyung, finds the coffee machine, and makes himself a large one. He’s going to need the energy, for sure. 

Jeongguk finds two mugs in one of the cupboards and sets them side by side, smiling at the sight, too. 

It’s been a while for sure since he’s had company in the mornings, even if it’s a completely different situation altogether, but it makes him feel… warm. 

The kettle’s ready and it startles Jeongguk when the boiling finishes, and he curses under his breath before he reaches for it and pours the water in Taehyung’s mug before he finds one of the sacks of tea in Taehyung’s shopping bag from yesterday and drops it in it, watching the water change colors from it. 

The smell of coffee warns him that his own drink might be ready as well just in time for Taehyung to join him. 

“Did you want anything with the tea? Sugar or honey or—” 

“No, that’s alright,” he smiles and puts his hands around the mug and Jeongguk watches the action, marveling at how long Taehyung’s fingers are. He truly was born to play piano, he thinks. “I’ll finish it and head to my place to get dressed,” he announces. “And I’ll bring you back your clothes later—” 

“It’s alright, I don’t need them right away,” Jeongguk chuckles. Taehyung just nods and takes a sip from his drink after having removed the tea bag. 

Jeongguk’s coffee is indeed bitter, but it’s a taste he’s gotten used to and, for some reason, having such nice company makes it a little less so. 

“Good morning!” Seokjin greets walking into the studio. He’s the last one to arrive but it’s not like the rest of them had been there for too long, either. 

Hoseok was the first one to get there because when Jeongguk and Taehyung arrived, he was already making sure the guitars were tuned. 

“Morning, hyung,” Namjoon smiles from his drums. “Slept well?” 

“I was scared I’d hear your snoring through the walls, but it looks like they’re well-sound isolated,” the eldest one chuckles.

“Oh, fuck you,” Namjoon laughs. 

“It makes sense that they’re sound-proof,” Hoseok points out. “I mean, if only musicians come to stay here, imagine every single person wanting to practice or whatever in their rooms… it’d be impossible to sleep.” 

“Honestly, yeah,” Taehyung chuckles. “I brought my headphones just in case it wasn’t but I’m glad to know it is.” 

“Did you downstairs neighbors sleep well?” Seokjin asks and for some reason, Jeongguk’s mouth dries. Thankfully, Taehyung takes it.

“We were more neighborly than we thought we would be,” Taehyung laughs. “Yoongi hyung didn’t give me the code to my apartment so I had to sleep at Jeongguk’s.”

“Didn’t you call him?” Namjoon asks and earns himself a glare from Taehyung. 

“Of course, we called,” Jeongguk chuckles. “But his phone had died on the way back and he said that he had to stop by his company so he lost track of time…” 

“That does sound like Yoongi,” nods Hoseok. “But well, I guess it gave you two time to bond a bit more.” 

“Yeah, it was fun,” Taehyung turns to look at Jeongguk with the same warmth in his eyes that Jeongguk’s already growing used to. And although fun isn’t exactly the word he would choose to describe the end of their evening, he also doesn’t elaborate. 

“So, boss, what’s the plan today?” Namjoon asks, crashing the cymbal for impact and making them all laugh. 

“I—I thought I could maybe show you some of my demos,” Jeongguk says. “I don’t really start by using melodies because I’ve always been better at getting the words out first and trying to match the music later, but, who knows, maybe this time I need to do things differently from the start,” Jeongguk nods. 

“Sounds good!” Hoseok nods. “Let’s hear them!” 

Jeongguk takes his phone out and connects the speakers he brought and places them on the table. 

“I don’t even remember most of these, but yeah,” he chuckles nervously, opens his voice memos, and scrolls to the top. 

He can’t help but flinch at his own voice in the recording, never really getting used to it.

“So, here goes nothing,” Jeongguk chuckles in English in the recording before he starts playing his guitar and humming a melody. He doesn’t want to look at their reactions, so he just goes to sit on the couch and tries to listen as if he hadn’t heard it before, trying to see if any words come up as he listens. 

The recording ends and another one starts straight away. 

“Alright, I don’t have a guitar today but I just thought about this melody and I’m scared I’ll forget it so I’m recording it now just in case,” Jeongguk announces and he remembers that day. He was in the shower at Andrew’s and the idea suddenly came to him, so he had to record it like that in case he forgot. 

He’s kind of glad he did because he would’ve definitely forgotten it otherwise. 

“And, you know, a bit of guitar here would be nice,” he pretends to make the sound of it and Jeongguk covers his face with his hands. 

“Maybe I should’ve filtered through before showing you guys,” present-day Jeongguk mentions. 

“No, no, this is good! This is raw,” Namjoon reassures him and, when he looks up, he’s surprised to find that they seem to be taking notes.

It warms his heart to see just how dedicated they are to this project. 

There’s a knock on the door in the recording and Jeongguk freezes. 

“One sec, I’ll be right out!” he yells in the recording. “Alright, hope that’s enough.” And the recording cuts, too. 

Thank God. 

He’s not sure he was ready to hear Andrew’s voice again after last night. 

“That one was good,” Taehyung tells him and turns to face the piano and plays the melody with ease. “I like it,” he smiles. 

“Thanks,” he feels heat rise on his cheeks before he presses play on the next one which, this time, is only a guitar. 

“Nice riff,” Seokjin nods, bopping his head along as he goes. “You’re good!” 

“I try,” he chuckles, turning up the volume for the next recording because it songs like he’s recording from afar. 

“Today was weird,” he starts in the recording. “Drew and I were, um… together, and I started thinking about this melody and I got distracted and he got pissed,” there’s a dry chuckle that follows. “I think we might’ve broken up again, but oh well, here’s the melody, I hope it was worth it and I get to use it for something.” 

Jeongguk starts singing. There are no words, no instruments accompanying him, just his voice, and then, there is quiet. 

Jeongguk thinks that the recording might have ended, but his voice startles him again. 

“Don’t make it into another love song for him, at least, he doesn’t deserve it.” 

And he sounds so broken that Jeongguk’s heart shatters for his past self. 

He also remembers that day. He doesn’t remember recording the voice memo but he might’ve been a bit under the influence, if he’s honest. 

Taehyung’s eyes find his and Jeongguk tries to look away but he can’t. There’s a kind of softness there that feels just as warm as his embrace was last night as Jeongguk cried in his arms. 

“Don’t know who that Drew is, but fuck that guy,” Hoseok points out after the recording ends and, for some reason, Jeongguk bursts out laughing. 

He laughs so hard that he drops his phone and his stomach hurts. Laughs so hard that he ends up crying, but he needed it, and by the look of it, the rest are also laughing along, agreeing with Hoseok. 

Jeongguk agrees, too, even though he’s aware that he is also guilty of some of the things that went wrong between the two of them, but in this particular case, it was all Andrew. 

“Let’s use that one and not make it a love song,” Seokjin nods when the laughter dies down.

“Sounds good to me,” Namjoon nods and Taehyung agrees, too. 

“Alright, let’s.” 

It’s a good place to start, Jeongguk thinks. 

They’ve got a melody that they’re working on together and Jeongguk is trying to use some of the ideas he’s got to write lyrics. 

He’s left all of them inside the recording booth while they try to come up with a pitch to give Jeongguk while he’s in one of the adjacent rooms working on the lyrics.

Not a love song seems to be easier said than done and Jeongguk hates that he can’t do it. 

He remembers the words that Andrew said to him the last time they spoke before he decided to come to Korea, how he accused him of coming back to him when he needed inspiration for songs. 

It makes him feel gross and he hates that it’s partly true. 

The words on the page are mostly scratched when he hears a knock on the door. 

He turns and finds Taehyung on the threshold smiling at him. 

“How is it going?” He asks and when he walks into the room, Jeongguk sees that he brings some snacks with him. “Thought you might want some.” 

“Thanks,” Jeongguk nods and reaches for them. Truth is, he is hungry and frustrated and food seems to help with both of those. “And… not too well, not gonna lie,” he chuckles. “You?” 

“We’re almost ready to show you,” Taehyung announces. “Maybe that will help?” 

“Maybe…” he sighs and takes a handful of the chips Taehyung offered. 

“What’s wrong?” Taehyung tilts his head slightly. “Why isn’t it working, you think?” 

“I…” Jeongguk bites his lip nervously and looks up to find Taehyung’s understanding gaze upon him. It makes him feel safe like he can talk about whatever he wants without worrying about embarrassing himself or anything like that. “I guess I feel pressured,” he admits. “And I guess I can’t write a song if it’s not about him.” 

“Is he all you’ve ever known, relationship-wise?” Taehyung asks, careful with his words. 

“Kinda,” Jeongguk admits. “I’ve been with other people but not for too long. Hook-ups here and there but they never worked out… I always ended up going back to him, or him reaching out to me.” 

“That’s…” 

“Toxic? Yeah, I know,” Jeongguk finishes for him with a chuckle. “I know, and I’ve been trying to… For a while now. Guess you can see how it hasn’t yet worked.” 

“I’m sorry, Guk, really, I… I’ve had my fair share of toxic relationships, too and I know how hard it is to realize when you’re in them, but in case you need to hear it, I am proud of you for getting out and for wanting to stay out, too,” Taehyung reaches out and holds his hand, squeezing it, and it’s almost as if the grasp is around Jeongguk’s heart instead. 

“Thank you,” he says as wholeheartedly as he can manage. “I–I really appreciate it, Tae, really.” 

“Really, really, huh?” Taehyung teases him and it manages to pull a smile from Jeongguk, too. “I just know I would’ve appreciated it if someone told me that,” he shrugs. “So I got you, alright? If you want to vent or talk or… not talk, too, I’m here for you.” 

All Jeongguk does is squeeze back his hand and look at the notebook with a heavy heart. 

“You know, even if we said it can’t be a love song it doesn’t mean you can’t pour out your feelings about him,” Taehyung points out. “I mean, I doubt you have much love left right now, so… It still won’t be a love song,” he chuckles.

“Yeah, I know, but I kinda… I wanted to prove both myself and him that I can write about other things, you know?” Jeongguk admits with shame crawling up his face until his cheeks redden. 

“You can, but it doesn’t mean that you have to if what you need is to… let go,” Taehyung smiles. “I think it’s healthy, you know? To pour our feelings and thoughts into songs. I do that with my melodies sometimes, and it feels so fucking good to just… release everything,” he nods. “So, if what you need for this project is to bleed yourself dry so that he can get out of your system, then do it. You don’t have to prove yourself to anything or anyone, especially not to him.” 

Taehyung’s eyes are so intense when he says that, as if he somehow felt wronged on Jeongguyk’s behalf even if they barely know each other, and for some reason, it lights something in Jeongguk’s chest that he’d been trying to tame down ever since he met him. 

And it’s not like his friends haven’t stood up for him in the same way Taehyung is right now, but for some reason, it feels different. 

“Is that what you need?” Taehyung asks, softer this time, hand still clasped around Jeongguk’s and he only notices then that he’s been brushing his thumb against Jeongguk’s skin soothingly. 

“I think I might, yeah,” he admits in a whisper. “It’s just so easy to write when it comes to him, the words just pour out.” 

“Then let them,” Taehyung smiles. “Let them and create a masterpiece that will heal your soul and ours, too.” 

“Way to add more pressure,” Jeongguk teases a little, and Taehyung glares at him like he knows what he’s doing. “I’ll try.” 

“You’ll succeed,” he nods like he’s got no doubt at all. “So, get to it!” He stands and, the second he lets go of his hand, Jeongguk instantly misses the touch. “I’m gonna go check on the rest and see if the melody is ready for you,” he winks as he heads back to the door and Jeongguk watches him leave. 

Some words pop up in his mind as he does, but he knows he can’t use those. 

He promised his past self not to make it a love song, after all. 

Even if it wouldn’t be about Andrew. 

Chapter Text

They have a song. 

Or, well, the beginning of it, anyway. 

After Jeongguk’s conversation with Taehyung, he decided to let go of all his inhibitions and just allow himself to write whatever he felt he needed to get off his chest, and once he did that, the words poured out of him. 

Once he had the first verse written, he went into the studio to show it to the guys who were wrapping up the first recording of Jeongguk’s demo. 

They played the song and Jeongguk tried to sing along, tried to fit in the words within the melody and, although he had to modify some words because some verses were too wordy for what the song required, it matched. 

Taehyung gives him a thumbs up from where he’s sitting on the piano stool and Jeongguk’s smile grows. 

“That was great, Guk!” Hoseok adds excitedly, putting his guitar down. 

“Thank you, hyung. I need to think about a good hook now for the chorus. And then figure out a verse too and a bridge—” 

“Take it one step at a time, kid,” Seokjin chuckles. “I’m gonna go back to my apartment and I’ll cook some lunch for us all, how does that sound?” He offers. 

“Really, hyung?” Namjoon seems incredibly relieved for some reason. “We could just order—” 

“It’s cool, you know I don’t mind cooking and I actually need to rest for a bit before my fingers bleed,” he admits with a chuckle.

“Do you think you’ll need help with it?” Hoseok asks.

“Not for the actual cooking, especially not from either of you,” he points at his three bandmates. “But I might call when it’s ready so that you guys can help me bring it over.” 

“Sounds good, and safer for us all, yeah,” Taehyung chuckles. “Thanks, hyung.” 

“No problem. I can’t have you all living off chips and cookies,” Seokjin stands and heads to the door. “See you guys in a bit!” 

Jeongguk picks up his notebook again and heads to sit on the couch while the rest of them take a break, checking their phones. 

“Hey, Tae?” Jeongguk hears and looks up to see Hoseok calling his pianist, who hums in response. “Do you want us to record what you played yesterday? Do you still remember it?” 

“Yes,” Jeongguk answers for him. “Please, record it. I already have some words for it, too. I mean, if that’s alright with you—” 

“Of course, I’d be honored!” Taehyung is quick to say with a glow in his eyes that makes Jeongguk look away. “I think I do remember, yeah. But won’t you guys come in at any point…?” 

“Pretty sure that one is meant to be a piano ballad,” Namjoon adds and Jeongguk couldn’t agree more. It already sounded perfect with the piano alone. 

“O-Okay,” Taehyung sounds nervous for some reason. “It might take a few tries for me to be satisfied with it, though, so, Guk, if you want to head back to your writing room, that way you won’t get distracted,” he chuckles a little, starting to warm up his wrists. “And you two can—” 

“We’ll be outside by the panels to hit record and all that,” Namjoon interrupts him.

“And take as long as you need, Tae, we won’t judge you for being a perfectionist… Pretty sure all of us are,” Hoseok adds with a chuckle. 

“I sure as fuck am,” Jeongguk joins in as well, standing up. “So, yeah, take your time, hyung,” he smiles at him when Taehyung turns to look at him. “And thank you.” 

“Of course,” Taehyung smiles back and, for a second there, it’s almost as if the rest of the world has vanished. 

Only for a moment, but it’s enough. 

Although Jeongguk heads back to his ‘writing room’ as instructed, it seems like his breath stays right where he’d been standing. 

Writing songs about his life has always been Jeongguk’s way of coping. 

When he was younger, he used to write poems about the most ordinary things. Of course, he never showed anyone, but he liked to make things rhyme. As someone whose mother tongue wasn’t English, it made him incredibly satisfied to see that he would make sentences sound beautiful together. 

With time, those poems started to become songs as he taught himself to play guitar, and although at first, he only knew the basic four chords, those were all he needed. 

He remembers writing his mother a song for her birthday once, remembers seeing her cry and hug him so tight that he was pretty sure his guitar left a scar on his skin, but he hugged her back just as tightly. 

Jeongguk’s mother has always been his hero. To be someone else’s wife was never what she wanted to be. She wanted more to her life and, although life was never an easy feat for her, she fought hard to be whoever she wanted to be. She worked too hard sometimes, which meant that she wasn’t very present throughout Jeongguk’s childhood, but he never resented her for it. It must have meant so much to hear such words from Jeongguk at fifteen, more than he realized at the time, and he still sings that song to her every now and then, knowing that it will still make her emotional. 

That was the first time he realized that his words and his music could have an impact—that they could mean something to people beyond himself. That’s when he realized that he wanted to do that in the future, somehow. Even if he was too scared to even sign up for a talent show at his elementary school graduation. He wanted to sing, first. So, that’s how he started filming himself in his room, posting videos on YouTube even if not many people knew about them. He didn’t care: he was singing, and he loved doing it. 

He never really posted original songs on his channel but that didn’t mean he wasn’t writing them, which is exactly why the actual process of putting out his debut EP was so quick because most of the songs had already been fully baked by the time Jeongguk met Yoongi. 

It’s different, now. He doesn’t even have the ingredients bought for this particular cake, but something tells him that the result will be worth all the time and stress that might come along the way. 

The problem that comes with writing about one’s life experience, though, is that while doing it and while singing it, the memories keep coming back. And although Jeongguk is already a pro at not letting it get to him, he doesn’t always manage. 

The problem with writing songs about his past relationship is that he keeps wondering if maybe he made a mistake by letting it go. And, even though there are very few actual love songs in his discography and most of the songs about Andrew aren’t about their happy moments but rather all the bad ones, he still wonders. 

He can’t help but wonder and he can’t help pondering on the what if s.

But as Taehyung said, if letting all those feelings out is what he needs, then maybe he can heal through it, this time. And maybe, as he sings these words back on the microphone and as he hears them on his album and as he performs them on a stage, maybe they won’t hurt so much. 

Maybe he’ll finally be able to let go. 

So, he puts pen to paper and lets it take over. 

Seokjin’s food is absolutely delicious. It feels like a fitting reward after their hard work that morning. And although it’s way past lunchtime, none of them complain about it. 

Taehyung managed to record the song after a few tries (neither of them wanted to share with Jeongguk how many they were as if he was going to laugh or something when he knows for a fact that, if he’d been in Taehyung’s shoes, it would have taken him longer), so now they have two songs. 

Or part of them, anyway. 

The first song is pretty much written. Jeongguk still hasn’t come up with a title for it, but he always struggles with those anyway so he sort of expects it to come to him when he least expects it, as it usually does.

When it comes to Taehyung’s song, Jeongguk doesn’t have much other than what he wrote yesterday. But he can work on that one once the first one is completed. 

“Can we hear it?” Seokjin asks after they’ve finished eating. 

The sun is already setting too and it only hits Jeongguk then just how quick time flies when they’re in the studio. It’d been so long since he lost himself in music this much and, in a way, it makes his heart happy. 

After all, this is exactly what he wanted. Whether something good comes out of this experience or not, what matters the most to Jeongguk is to fall in love with music again, especially his music and his art. 

Everything else is a bonus. 

“Sure,” Jeongguk nods. “We can play the recording you did earlier and if you feel like adding any adlibs or whatever along the way, feel free, too!” Jeongguk smiles and heads to the computer to find the file from before. 

It’s quite rough, and once they are a hundred percent sure, they will probably record each instrument individually so that they can mix them all together later, but it will do for now. 

“Feel free to suggest any changes or give me feedback if you think that something doesn’t work, or that something else might feel—” 

“Stop stalling, Guk,” Hoseok teases him, seeing that Jeongguk already has the cursor hovering over the right file. “It’s gonna be great.” 

I hope so, he thinks before he takes a deep breath and double-clicks on the file, letting the recording start playing through the sound system of the room. 

It starts with a soft piano first, a piano that wasn’t originally there in Jeongguk’s demo but that he very much imagined, and then Seokjin’s guitar comes in slowly followed by Namjoon’s drums that indicate Jeongguk’s entrance.

“The light is on but you’re not here,” he starts singing. “Don’t really know why I’m surprised. I never know which way it’ll be even when you promise it would last.” 

Hoseok’s bass plucks in twice as Jeongguk takes a breather. It fits perfectly.

“I should’ve known better. I should’ve left ages ago. I should’ve listened to my friends when they told me this was wrong. I should’ve run away. I should’ve never even called. At the end of the day, I guess I just should have said… no.”  

The recording turns quiet and it’s almost like the entire song is holding his breath after his words before he continues. 

“I lost count of your goodbyes cause I know they never last. I expect your call at night when I know you’re going out. I hate myself for waiting even after so long. I hate myself for never knowing how to let you go.” 

Jeongguk’s eyes are closed as he delivers the lines. He doesn’t really know if that’s exactly how he wrote them on the paper, but that’s how they feel right to sing them, so he does. 

He notices that the music falls a bit flat on that last line and mentally writes himself a note to mention it when he finishes. 

The chorus comes back around and, for the bridge, the drums are cut and it’s only Taehyung’s piano. 

“There’s no villain in this story when we’ve both been in the wrong. There’s no exit in this maze that we’ve been building for so long. There’s no right way to say this without ripping my heart out but I hope that you’re happy no matter where you are. I hope you find someone who loves you right. I hope that all your dreams come true, but I most of all hope that you forget me, too.” 

There’s a tear rolling back Jeongguk’s face as he sings the last words of the chorus one last time, and when the song comes to an end, he’s startled by the ovation he receives. 

“You just wrote that?! In one sitting?!” Namjoon sounds incredibly stunned by that. “What the—That was incredible.” 

“Really?” Jeongguk asks and scans their faces. It’s almost like they were as nervous as Jeongguk was about this whole thing not working. 

“Yes, really!” Hoseok agrees. “My English isn’t that good, to be honest, but you could’ve been singing in French and just with the emotion in your voice I would’ve still gotten chills.” 

“Agreed,” Seokjin smiles at him, still clapping. “Such… bravery, too. It’s not easy admitting one’s mistakes especially not in a song where the entire world might hear it.” 

Jeongguk just thanks his hyungs but it’s when his eyes land on Taehyung that he sees it. 

He’s crying, too. 

“Are you alright?” Jeongguk can’t help but ask. “Did you not like it? As I said, I am open to criticism and—” 

“I fucking loved it, Guk,” Taehyung cuts him off with a chuckle as he dries his tears. “I just… Wow,” he shakes his head as if he couldn’t find the right words to express it. “If this is only the first song, I feel like I might need to head back to that grocery store we went to yesterday and buy like eight boxes of tissues because holy fuck.” That makes the rest of them laugh, but Jeongguk’s eyes are still glued to Taehyung. 

He brought him to tears. 

For some reason, he hates it. 

Hates that Taehyung might’ve identified with some of his words because, if what he shared with Jeongguk is true, he’s also experienced some toxic relationship of his own. 

“Thank you, Tae,” is all he says in the end. Just like his hyung had, he can’t seem to find the words to express his emotions better than that, so that will do for the moment. 

“I do think that there are a few things that need to be made in the musical department, though,” Namjoon points out, bringing Jeongguk back to the room. 

“Oh, yeah, I think so, too,” Jeongguk nods and they spend another hour and a half tweaking the melody, deciding where each instrument comes in and deciding that the bridge part needs some strings along with Taehyung’s piano. Turns out, since Hoseok had started his musical career in a classical string band, he still has contact with some of the people who he played with and, once the rest of the album is finalized, he offered to bring them over so that they can add strings to all the songs that need it. 

Because, with this theme of the album, something tells Joengguk there will be more than one. 

“Alright, let’s call it a day,” Namjoon chuckles after they deem Song 1 as ready as it can be. “I feel like my head is gonna explode.” 

“Same,” Hoseok chuckles. “But great work today, everyone! We got our first song!” 

“I can’t believe that this won’t come out officially until God knows when. It’s so good I wanna listen to it again already,” Seokjin chuckles. 

“ Again? Weren’t the seventy-eight times we played the recording enough?” Namjoon counters and Jeongguk can’t help but laugh as he shuts down all the computers and makes sure that the equipment is also unplugged. 

“I know what you mean, hyung, ignore them,” Taehyung defends him. “But I also do need to lay down, my back is killing me,” he admits, stretching and finally stepping up from the stool he’s been sitting at pretty much all day. 

“Yoongi hyung should’ve given us the contact information of the nearest chiropractor just in case,” Hoseok clicks his tongue. “But well, a good night’s rest and a warm shower will do, I guess,” he puts back his guitar in one of the stands and gathers his things. “See you guys tomorrow! Same time?” 

“I think that’s good, yeah,” Jeongguk nods with a smile. “Good night!” 

He feels the chill breeze when they open the door to head out and he’s still picking up his things when it closes again and Jeongguk thinks he’s alone, but when he turns to leave, he finds Taehyung waiting for him, leaning against the wall next to the door. 

“Oh, you’re waiting for me?” 

“Of course, neighbor,” Taehyung smiles. “Unless you want to stay longer?” 

“No, no, I’m exhausted,” Jeongguk admits with a chuckle. “Let’s go,” he nods and walks his way, opening the door for Taehyung and making sure to lock it after themselves. 

“You did good today, you know?” Taehyung reassures him with a smile as they head inside their apartment building. “The song was incredible.” 

“So did you,” Jeongguk bumps his shoulder against Taehyung’s playfully. “I bet your fingers must hurt from all that playing.” 

“Oh, they’re used to it,” he chuckles. “My neck and back are what’s bothering me more, really.” 

“Hopefully you’ll feel better tomorrow since tonight you won’t have to sleep all curled up because you’ve got no covers,” Jeongguk points out as they stop in front of their respective apartments. 

“Mhm, hopefully,” Taehyung smiles a bit and, if Jeongguk knew him any better, he’d think that his hyung seemed nervous for some reason. “Do you—” 

“Are you alright?” They start talking at the same time and Jeongguk apologizes straight away. 

“No, no, it’s okay,” Taehyung chuckles. “I’m fine. I was just wondering if you wanted to come inside so we can work on Song 2 together? I have my keyboard in there and you’ve got your notebook there, and—” 

“Aren’t you tired and in pain?” Jeongguk tries to argue even though he wants to accept so badly that he almost doesn’t even let Taehyung reply. 

“I mean, I am, yeah, but I can be lying down while we work on it,” he offers. “Plus, I kinda need to pay you back for making me dinner and breakfast,” he shrugs. 

“I heated a kettle twice, hyung,” Jeongguk squints his eyes, trying hard not to laugh.

“Fine, never mind, then—” Taehyung turns to open his door but Jeongguk reaches out and wraps his hand around his wrist to stop him. 

“I’m kidding. I’d love to, hyung,” he smiles softly and the feel of his touch against Taehyung’s skin feels electric. “Give me five minutes, I want to shower first and I’ll come, yeah?”

“Alright,” Taehyung nods. “I’ll get dinner started, then.” 

“See you in a bit,” Jeongguk lets go of him and heads to his door. Only after he’s inside, the door closed and his back pressed against it does he hear Taehyung exhale loudly and press the code to his door. 

He probably had to look for the code again, that’s why it took so long. 

And Jeongguk is just out of breath because…

He can’t come up with an excuse. 

So, instead, he heads to the shower so that he can knock on Taehyung’s door as soon as he can. 

He knocks on Taehyung’s door, feeling jittery for some reason. With his notebook in one hand and his phone in the other, he waits after he hears Taehyung’s voice from inside letting him know that he’s on his way. 

“I hope you like pasta,” Taehyung chuckles as soon as he opens the door. “I was going to attempt frying chicken but that would’ve taken longer and I do not trust myself with that just yet. Too advanced.” 

“Well, luckily for you, I do like pasta,” Jeongguk smiles and walks inside, closing the door behind him. “Need any help?” 

“No, no, make yourself comfortable, I’ll handle the food and the sauce and—is carbonara alright? I bought one of those microwaveable sauces and although I know it probably won’t taste as good—” 

“Hey, Tae?” Jeongguk walks to him and, before he can stop himself, his hands are on Taehyung’s face, successfully shutting him up. “I could eat the pasta sauceless and I’d enjoy it, so relax, it’s fine,” he chuckles, trying to appear chill even though he can feel Taehyung’s cheeks burn under his touch. “Okay?” 

“Okay,” Taehyung nods and Jeongguk pulls his touch away and takes a few steps back. He feels like he wants to say something else, but before he can, Taehyung rushes to the kitchen again to stir the pot to make sure the spaghetti doesn’t burn. 

And, as instructed, Jeongguk proceeds to try and make himself comfortable. 

He walks to the living room and sees Taehyung’s keyboard plugged in where they left it yesterday when they arrived. 

“Hyung?” Jeongguk calls. He’s still not sure still how to address him. He’s in limbo between using honorifics and trying to keep it casual and hasn’t decided yet, so he keeps switching. 

“Yeah?” Taehyung turns to look at him. Good thing it’s an open kitchen, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to hear him at all.

“May I play a little?” he asks signaling at the keyboard with his head. He’s standing a few steps away from it just in case Taehyung says no. 

After all, sometimes someone’s instrument is quite an intimate thing and he wouldn’t want to offend him or something. 

“Oh, sure! You actually play, huh?” he puts the wooden spoon down and fully turns. 

Jeongguk notices then that he’s now wearing an apron and, for some reason, he finds it incredibly domestic and wants to melt a little. 

“I dabble,” he shrugs and sits down. “Enough to come up with melodies but… nothing too much,” he admits. 

“I could teach you if you want,” Taehyung suggests still from the kitchen. “What’s one more student?” he chuckles. 

“Oh, no, I wouldn’t—” Jeongguk shakes his head. “You have enough already, but thanks, I appreciate it,” he smiles and Taehyung nods, turning around without saying another word and, for a second, Jeongguk worries he might’ve said something wrong. 

He worries that he offended Taehyung somehow by rejecting his offer and starts to overthink and feel his breath quicken for some reason until he remembers where he is. 

Or rather, he remembers who isn’t he with. 

So, instead of dwelling too much on it, he turns around to face the keyboard, presses the on button, and presses the first chord he can think of. A basic three-chord. C Major. 

He’s not even sure what he wants to play but his fingers alternate between the same three notes over and over again before going down the scale to play an F Major sequence. 

He makes a mistake as he tries to find the next chord that he had thought of and gets frustrated because he can’t seem to find it. 

“This one?” Taehyung appears by his side and presses his fingers exactly on the right keys. 

“Yeah,” Jeongguk turns to face him and finds Taehyung already looking at him, so close that Jeongguk notices how Taehyung’s pupils engulf his irises as they hold each other’s stare. “Exactly that one,” he nods and looks away to imitate Taehyung’s posture and presses it. 

“Wait, wait, be gentle or you can hurt your wrist,” he chuckles. “Like this,” Taehyung does it again and Jeongguk tries to do it as well. “There, better. Do you feel the difference?” 

“Will you hate me if I say no?” Jeongguk chuckles. “This must’ve been your worst nightmare, right? Someone not playing the keys properly.” 

“I teach kids who treat the keyboard as if it were a drumset, Jeongguk, you’re fine,” Taehyung giggles with his hand on his shoulder. “Just try to do this motion when you play, as if you were… bouncing a basketball,” he instructs him and Jeongguk tries to do it. “And play whatever keys you want. There’s no right or wrong here,” he winks before he rushes back to the kitchen to tend to the food. 

Jeongguk watches him go before he turns and repeats the same progression he did, including the one Taehyung helped him with, earning himself a there you go! from the kitchen that makes him laugh. 

He pauses and uses his index finger to play a succession of notes that scratch his brain in a really nice way. 

He keeps playing it over and over, wondering if he’s heard it somewhere before.

“What’s that?” Taehyung asks and the sound from the hood turns off, and the smell of freshly made pasta reaches to him, making his stomach rumble. 

“Don’t know but it sounds good,” Jeongguk admits with a small smile. 

“It does, yeah,” Taehyung says. “Let me record it just in case, start over.” 

“It’s literally just these three notes over and over, I don’t think I’ll forget,” Jeongguk chuckles turning to face him and he sees he’s not just recording the sound, he’s filming Jeongguk. 

“Go on, play,” Taehyung smiles behind the camera as he walks his way and Jeongguk does as he’s told, repeating the pattern until Taehyung reaches him and places the phone on the stand where the music sheets would go and sits next to him, at first only watching, and then suddenly, he plays a single note as the accompaniment melody. A note first, then another, and one more as Jeongguk keeps repeating the pattern. 

Jeongguk dares to look up from the keyboard to the screen and sees the two of them there, and he gets so nervous that he makes a mistake again, looking back to his fingers to make sure they play the right note and it doesn’t ruin the moment. 

“Do you like this?” Taehyung asks. Jeongguk wants to ask him to be more precise because he’s not sure if he means the act of them playing together or if he means the harmony he added. Either way, the answer is the same, so he just nods. “It’s not the usual harmony for a melody like this but I—” 

“I love it. It was exactly what I was imagining it. I wasn’t sure which one it was so I was waiting until I got my guitar to add the harmony,” Jeongguk admits, stopping playing and turning to look at Taehyung, who does the same looking at him. 

Both of them forgetting that dinner is ready. 

Both of them forgetting that the camera is still rolling. 

“Good,” Taehyung smiles after a few seconds. “I’m glad we seem to share musical brain cells,” he chuckles and reaches out to bring Jeongguk closer to him until their foreheads are pressed together and Jeongguk can’t help holding his breath as they do. “That will work great for the album. Alright, let’s eat, shall we? We have work to do.” And, with that, he stands up and heads back to the kitchen to plate their dinner. 

Jeongguk shoots one last glance at the camera before he reaches out and stops the recording. 

He’s not sure if it’s safe to keep it, but he locks Taehyung’s phone and walks to the table where dinner is served. 

The melody keeps playing in his mind as they eat. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jeongguk asks again after he’s cleaned up dinner. It was the least he could do after Taehyung cooked it and, considering his neck and back were hurting, washing dishes was probably the last thing he needed. 

Dinner was delicious and Jeongguk really tried his best not to eat too quickly because he knew he might get a stomachache if he did, but he was so hungry that he ended up devouring it anyway. Taehyung seemed incredibly satisfied to see Jeongguk enjoy his food that much, which only made him want to eat even more just to keep that smile on his face. 

“For the seventh time, yes,” Taehyung chuckles, walking to the couch. “I already agreed to not actually play it and just listen to the recording from yesterday instead just so that I can lay down and you can get off my metaphorical back, but I do want to work on the song!” 

“Can I at least give you a massage first?” Jeongguk asks as he walks to join him on the couch. “I’ve been told I have golden fingers—” 

“You know, something tells me they didn’t mean that for massaging necks and backs, Guk,” Taehyung teases, and the implications alone make Jeongguk almost trip on his own shadow before he sits down. 

“Yes, they did!” He tries defending himself. “None of the people that told me ever had my fingers anywhere else.” 

“Mhm, good to know,” Taehyung’s smile makes Jeongguk blush even more. 

“You’re horrible. You know what? Never mind, massage offer is off the table.” 

“Oh, no, whatever shall I do?” Taehyung dramatically drops to the couch, shaking with laughter when Jeongguk rolls his eyes. 

“I mean it, though, I can help if you want,” Jeongguk reminds him and Taehyung sits back up again and smiles, all trace of mischief gone from his features. 

“I know, but I feel better, really. All I need is a good night’s rest and for the pill I took to work,” he nods. “If it hurts more later, I’ll let you know so that your self-acclaimed golden fingers can work on me.” 

And, although Jeongguk doesn’t want to, the fact that Taehyung made it sexual before makes him imagine things he shouldn’t. 

He hopes he doesn’t show on his face as he picks up his notebook from the table and tries to ignore the burning feeling at the pit of his stomach. 

“So… I didn’t manage to write anything else except for what I showed you yesterday,” Jeongguk informs him, switching topics before he combusts in someone else’s couch. 

“Well, that’s a good place to start!” Taehyung lays down on the couch as he promised and looks at Jeongguk who’s sitting just next to Taehyung’s bent knees. “You want to write about… his issues with alcohol?” 

“I mean—It’s not like I want to write about that, but… that’s what I wrote, yeah,” Jeongguk reads the words again. “It was quite a big issue for us, so I guess it makes sense that it would come out, now.” 

“I get that,” Taehyung nods. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asks again tonight and Jeongguk considers it. After all, all he did last night was cry so maybe talking would do him good. 

“He’d always had issues with drinking. When we met years ago in college it was because we were at a party together and he got so drunk I had to walk him home and ended up staying over to make sure he didn’t like… pass out on his own vomit—sorry, TMI,” Jeongguk chuckles a bit. 

“No, no, it’s alright,” Taehyung incorporates himself a little to be able to see him better as if he’s surprised that Jeongguk agreed to talk.

“And, after we started dating, he promised he’d stop drinking. And he did, for a while,” Jeongguk nods. “But whenever I was gone for a while because I was at the studio or on tour or whenever we ended up breaking up, he’d just…” 

“Go back,” Taehyung finishes for him. “And do you blame yourself for it?” 

“I—” Jeongguk wants to say that he doesn’t. That he knows it’s not his fault or his responsibility, but deep down, he can’t help but wonder. And after what Andrew told him last night, maybe he did. “He does.”

“Well, he’s fucking stupid, I’m sorry,” Taehyung shrugs and it makes Jeongguk chuckle for some reason. He sounds exactly like every single one of his friends that he’s ever told about Andrew before. They all came to the same conclusion and Jeongguk hates that he never shared their view until now. “It’s not your fault! What are you, his fucking AA coach? It’s dumb, you shouldn’t live your life trying to make sure that your partner keeps his word and doesn’t drink when it’s clearly not healthy for him, I—” he sighs. “Sorry, I get heated up easily about these things because, like I told you, I had my fair share of toxic relationships and, funnily enough, alcohol always played some part in it, too.” 

“I’m sorry about that,” Jeongguk feels the need to say. 

“Oh, it’s alright, I’m over them. Took a while and a lot of therapy, but I got better and realized that what I was looking for in them was something that I was never going to get anyway,” he shrugs. 

“And what was it?” Jeongguk asks before he can stop himself. “Shit, sorry, that’s too—it’s none of my business—” 

“I just wanted to feel worthy,” Taehyung admits. “I wanted to be good enough for someone so I settled for people who took advantage of me and I let them because they made me believe that I was. I—I guess you can assume by the fact that I have to juggle many jobs at once that I didn’t have an easy upbringing and I didn’t have the best childhood either which left me with… a lot of trauma that I unfortunately carried onto my relationships. And, although I know it doesn’t excuse it, I guess it explains why all my past partners were… well, horrible,” Taehyung chuckles a little bit. “I’m not even sure if I even know what love feels like if I’m honest. I always thought I knew but if that’s what love is… I’m not sure why anyone would want it.” Taehyung’s not looking at him when Jeongguk looks up to meet his gaze. He seems to be lost in thought, somehow, as if reminiscing all his past relationships and trying to find if there was love at any point. “What does it feel like?” 

“What?” Jeongguk asks, being so surprised by his question that he forgets what they are talking about. 

“Love. What does it feel like to you?” And Jeongguk’s heart breaks a little. He’s not sure he has an answer, either. 

At least, not the kind of love anyone would want to feel, like Taehyung said. 

“I was scared all the time. Scared of saying the wrong thing, of losing him, of somehow doing something to upset him… And I know I loved him, otherwise the fact that I kept coming back to him made me the stupidest man in the world but although at first when we started things were going well and there was this… light in me and, you know, the butterflies people sing about… it didn’t last long. And instead of running away at the first sight of danger like I should’ve, I stayed. And that hope turned into fear and I still called it love because it was all I’d ever known.” 

Jeongguk feels his throat tighten and he really doesn’t want to break down again, so he tries to think of something else to say, something that will somehow change the topic of conversation, but Taehyung beats him to it and talks first. 

“You deserve to find love, Guk.” Jeongguk feels Taehyung’s hand on his thigh and he turns to see he sat up straight. “ Real love; the one with the butterflies and the hope and the lightness. You deserve to be happy and to have someone by your side who… won’t make you afraid. You know that, right?” 

And, truth is, Jeongguk doesn’t know it. Or rather, he never wants to accept it because, deep down, the guilt about the whole situation is so deep-rooted that he doesn’t feel like he deserves to find happiness. 

But to hear Taehyung say it for some reason feels like someone taking a swing at the wall that he’s built around his own heart and watching it start to crumble. 

“You deserve to find it, too,” Jeongguk whispers, the tightness in his throat not leaving even after he’s swallowed around it about three times.

“It will come when it’s meant to,” Taehyung nods as if he’s made peace with it. “And when it does, I won’t accept anything less than what I know now I deserve.” 

“Good for you, hyung,” Jeongguk nods and he notices then that, somehow, his hand has ended in Taehyung’s grasp and he’s not quite sure if he wants to pull away from it. 

“You better do it, too, or I’ll kick your ass first and whoever your partner is, I don’t care,” Taehyung lets go of his hand in favor of threatening him with his index finger and Jeongguk can’t help but chuckle at the fact that he does not look intimidating at all. “Or I’ll send Yoongi and Namjoon to do it. They look more menacing.” 

“A little, yeah,” Jeongguk shakes his head. “Also, if you… if you ever want to talk about your own… y’know—” 

“I know,” Taehyung finishes with a smile, knowing what Jeongguk means. “Thanks, Gukie.” 

“No, thank you, for listening and… well, yeah,” he chuckles a bit. “So! Shall we actually work?” 

“We shall!” Taehyung lays back down and picks up his phone to find the recording Jeongguk sent him from yesterday. “Go on, Shakespeare, write something for me.”  

Jeongguk can’t help but chuckle at that, at the wording of it. 

“Mhm, alright. Who are you supposed to be, then, Romeo or Juliet?” 

“Do you want me to die for love, Guk?” Taehyung incorporates slightly, a smile everpresent. 

“I mean, is there anyone who survives a Shakespeare play?” 

“Fair point. Maybe I should’ve chosen another analogy,” he chuckles as the song keeps playing in the background. 

Jeongguk stares at the lyrics he wrote yesterday and bites his lip, trying to think of something else that might work with them. Pen to paper, he starts letting the words pour out as the song ends and starts over and over again.

The intensity of the music, of Taehyung’s emotion through the melody makes his anger rise.

The whisky on your tongue makes you bitter 

You can never admit that you’re wrong

I wish at least you were honest

But your glass is always full when I’m gone

Guess there’s no going back now 

but if I somehow could

I would have never

allowed myself to believe you

You dare swearing on your life as if you don’t care that you might lose it

You keep lying and then blaming me for using

If you didn’t want me knowing then why did you call?

If you thought you had it handled why did you pass out in my room?

If you really loved me then why did you lie?

Or maybe lying was all you ever knew.

And maybe I never knew how to help you.

The whisky on your tongue made you honest

and I never liked hearing the truth

I wish at least you had been bitter

Maybe then I wouldn’t have loved you

“I think I’m missing the chorus,” Jeongguk mutters, biting his lip nervously as he reads the words again. “And I think it might be a bit too—” 

“It’s probably not too anything,” Taehyung pauses the song and signals for Jeongguk to hand him the notebook. “Honest is good. Wasn’t that one of the things you wanted the album to be?” 

“Yeah…” Jeongguk sighs and hands him the notebook. “Your music poured all of that out of me, so thank you.” Watching Taehyung read his words feels like torture. He’s debating on whether to look away until Taehyung speaks or watch him to take in his expressions. In the end, looking away seems like too much of a hustle to even try, so he watches every blink, every intake of breath, every subtle gasp… Until Taehyung’s eyes dart to his.

“I love it,” he says. “I—I love how you change the beginning verse at the end and reverse it,” he sits up. “It’s so… It’s so vulnerable, Guk, it’s beautiful.” 

“Can you help me with the chorus, though? I’ll give you even more credits for it,” Jeongguk tries not to dwell too much on the praise because he’s never been the best at taking it in the first place. 

“You’re giving me credits?” Taehyung looks stunned.

“I mean, you literally composed the melody, of course, I’m giving you credits,” he chuckles. “What, you thought I’d just steal your idea and claim it as my own?” 

“Wouldn’t be the first,” Taehyung admits, taking Jeongguk by surprise. “It’s fine, I never really cared because they weren’t like… actual songs or ideas or anything, but—Yeah, I’ll help.” 

“Wait, wait, someone stole a song from you?” Jeongguk moves to face him properly. “Why didn’t you like… dispute it or something?” 

“On what grounds?” Taehyung’s smile is sad. “It’s not like I recorded it anywhere to have proof of it, so it would be my word against his and it doesn’t matter, really, I don’t care that much—” 

“It’s still shitty, though,” Jeongguk says. “I’m sorry it happened. I promise to give you credit for every single note you play in my songs. You deserve them.” 

“Thanks, Guk,” Taehyung looks away, a bit shy for some reason, and Jeongguk decides not to pry any further. 

“Let’s hear the song again and I’ll try singing the words to the melody and when it reaches the part of the chorus, we can see if something… works.” 

“Alright,” Taehyung nods and sits up straighter not to be lying down anymore and presses play again. 

“How’s your pain?” Jeongguk asks and Taehyung’s eyes find his again. 

In such a short time, he’s grown familiar with his warm graze to the point that he feels like he knows him, now. And he sees that, although Jeongguk was talking about his muscular one, after their conversations today, there’s a deeper pain in him, too. 

“I’m okay,” Taehyung nods. “Let’s hear it.” And he presses play on the instrumental again. 

Jeongguk sings the melody he envisioned while he was writing the words, seeing that they do fit and he doesn’t have to change anything. The moment that they arrive at the part of the melody that Jeongguk considers to be the chorus, he stops and listens, closing his eyes.

“What about… ‘ Misery loves company that’s why you sought me out but I’m done being miserable on your account’ ?” Taehyung suggests. 

“Ooh, I like that!” Jeongguk nods and takes the notebook again to write it down. “I have something else, wait,” he closes his eyes, trying to get the words to form in his mind, trying to make sense of them. “Okay, got it. ‘Promised you were sober more times than I could count, but denial is a river you allowed yourself to drown.” 

“Holy fuck, that is incredible,” Taehyung’s eyes are so wide. “Like the double meaning of drowning himself in alcohol and denial… Your brain is something else. The fact that they made you put out your last album where none of it allowed you to shine is a crime.” 

“I—Thank you, Tae,” Jeongguk too stunned to speak after that.

“And trust me, I loved learning about the days of the week in English with you, but—you know,” he chuckles and Jeongguk can’t help but laugh so loud at that that he’s pretty sure no soundproofing of the apartment kept his hyungs upstairs to hear him. 

When Jeongguk finally recovers and his eyes find Taehyung again, his smile is sweet.

“You just wrote another song,” Taehyung reminds him. 

“ We just wrote another song,” Jeongguk corrects him. “A great one, too.” 

“It is, yeah,” Taehyung nods and pauses the song which had once again been playing on a loop. “What time is it?” he asks, then. 

Jeongguk lost track of time to the point that he hasn’t even checked his phone since he arrived for dinner. 

Not that he needed to hear from anyone outside of this room, anyway. 

“Oh, well, it’s late,” Taehyung chuckles, answering his own question and showing Jeongguk. Past midnight. 

“Damn, time really flies when we’re together, huh?” Jeongguk points out and maybe it’s exhaustion that’s making him see things but he could swear that he sees Taehyung blush a little. “I should g–” 

“Can I take up on your offer now?” Taehyung interrupts him and Jeongguk frowns, confused. “The massage.” 

“Oh!” He wasn’t expecting that at all. “Yeah, sure, I—Yes,” he nods. 

“Great. Where shall—” 

“The bed,” Jeongguk tells him. “Gives me better access,” he explains feeling his temperature rise for some reason. “Also, if you have any moisturizer or any lotion, that’d be great, too.” 

“I’ll go get it. You can head to the room,” Taehyung smiles and walks into the bathroom. 

Jeongguk isn’t sure why he feels this affected when he was the one who suggested it in the first place, but as he heads to Taehyung’s bedroom, his heart is beating funnily.

“This?” Taehyung comes back with a lotion bottle and Jeongguk nods. 

“Yep, perfect,” he nods and pours some on his hands to warm it up when Taehyung hands it to him. “Lay down on your stomach and—” Before he can say the words, Taehyung takes his shirt off and Jeongguk blacks out. 

He’s pretty sure the lotion must’ve warmed up instantly. 

Thankfully for Jeongguk’s mental stability, Taehyung does as he’s told straight away so all he sees now is his broad back and his tanned skin. And Taehyung cannot see his face. 

“Okay, I’m gonna get on you now, yeah?” Jeongguk asks for permission and he hates how sexual this all feels. In fact, he’s pretty sure straddling Taehyung’s hips with his ass under him is close to torture. Taehyung just hums to tell him that he’s listening and Jeongguk gets on the bed, on his knees, not wanting to touch the fabric with his hands now that they’re all moist. 

“It might be a bit cold,” Jeongguk warns as he puts each of his knees to the sides of Taehyung’s hips. 

Not sitting on him because he doesn’t trust himself to.

“Let me know if it hurts, alright?” Another hum is all it takes for Jeongguk to put his hands on Taehyung’s shoulders first. Taehyung jumps at the contact, his ass brushing against Jeongguk’s body, and hell, he gulps and closes his eyes, willing himself to stay calm. “Sorry—” 

“s okay,” Taehyung mumbles against the pillow, so Jeongguk nods and presses his thumbs over the juncture of Taehyung’s neck and shoulder blades, feeling a knot there. 

“There it—” A grunt from Taehyung at the sensation shuts him up. More than a grunt, it sounds like… a moan. “Good?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Taehyung tries relaxing and Jeongguk can sense it in his muscles. At least, it seems Jeongguk isn’t the only one that’s on edge. 

He keeps going, putting his hands down Taehyung’s spine, trying to be gentle while applying enough pressure for the massage to be effective. 

But the little sounds Taehyung makes under him when he presses against the right spots are driving him into insanity. 

“Fuck, that hurts,” Taehyung moans at one point and he shifts under Jeongguk, bringing their lower halves closer together again. 

“Sorry, I’ll ease up—” 

“No, no, it’s—it’s good. It’s supposed to hurt for it to heal, right?” he turns his head enough for Jeongguk to be able to understand him and he sees how tired he looks. Jeongguk just nods and keeps going, reaching out for the bottle and adding some more lotion on his back after a warning, although it still makes Taehyung jump from the change of temperature. 

Jeongguk’s legs are getting tired from the position he’s been holding and, before he notices, he’s actually sitting on Taehyung. Not fully, not hurting him because he doesn’t complain, but he feels his body under him and it’s not going well for him. 

In fact, he’s pretty sure he might need a cold shower when he goes back to his apartment. 

And not to wash the excess of lotion off his hands.

He sees Taehyung’s skin react to his touch, hears his little breathy whines, and all Jeongguk can do is imagine them somewhere else. Or rather, imagine them right there but in a different situation. 

With fewer clothes involved, if possible. 

And imagining that was exactly the last thing Jeongguk needed because Taehyung shifts again under him and he’s pretty sure he can feel that Jeongguk is starting to get hard. 

Maybe this was a horrible idea and he should have learned to keep his mouth shut and his fingers to himself. 

Nope, don’t think about that either. 

The expanse of Taehyung’s back is so inviting that Jeongguk pictures himself lowering down until he’s pressing his lips all across it, and all the way down until he—

“Alright, I think you’re done,” Jeongguk says suddenly before the situation gets too out of hand, and it becomes embarrassing for both of them. 

Especially for him. 

However, Taehyung doesn’t say anything. 

Shit.

He noticed. 

He’s weirded out. 

But as Jeongguk stays frozen on the spot, he sees that Taehyung’s head turned and his eyes are closed, his lips parted and he’s even drooling a little. 

He’s asleep.

He fell asleep thanks to Jeongguk’s massage. 

And, more importantly, he didn’t notice Jeongguk got hard on top of him from imagining how good he’d feel around him—

Taehyung shifts a little, probably sensing that his body is no longer caged by Jeongguk’s thighs, and tries to find the covers that he pulled off the bed before Jeongguk got on it. 

“Here,” Jeongguk whispers and throws them over him, making sure he’s not cold since he’s still shirtless. “Good night, Tae,” he walks to the door and flicks the lights, hearing a soft hum from inside the room, but he doesn’t dare go back inside. Not with the situation he’s currently dealing with. 

He gets out of there before he can do something stupid like get in bed with Taehyung and hold him. 

Chapter Text

Turns out that having gone to bed in the state he was in last night maybe wasn’t Jeongguk’s smartest choice. 

His past self decided that doing something about it would make it real, so he decided not to. Turns out, his brain did it for him anyway because although he can’t remember what he dreamed of, there’s an uncomfortable wetness in his briefs that proves that maybe he should have just taken care of it before. 

He takes a quick shower and makes himself a coffee trying not to think too much about it. 

He doesn’t want to think about the feeling of Taehyung’s body under his, to the softness of his skin under his touch, to the little sounds Jeongguk managed to pull out of him—

“For fuck’s sake,” Jeongguk says out loud, putting his coffee cup down and taking a deep breath. He feels like a teenager with his hormones up to the ceiling. Maybe it’s because it’s been so long, or maybe Taehyung is just the most attractive person Jeongguk’s ever seen, and, truly, he can’t really be blamed for the reaction. 

He sighs and finishes his coffee in one gulp, fetching his notebook from where he left it last night, and he heads out to the studio. 

He knows it’s way too early, and the rest of them won’t join him for at least a few hours, but he goes there anyway. 

He opens the door and starts by turning all the equipment on. 

Jeongguk finds the file from the song that they worked on yesterday and listens to it, deciding to do his voice recording again now that he’s got the time, and he probably won’t feel as nervous since he’s on his own. 

He heads inside the recording booth and starts the recording, stopping every time he feels like he sounds even slightly off. 

This album has to be perfect, and he won’t accept anything less than that from himself. 

After all, this is his way of proving that he is actually good and worthy of being in this industry, after all. 

He decides to take a break and record the song he and Taehyung wrote last night. Since Taehyung recorded the piano yesterday as well, he’s got the guide already done, so all he has to do is say the words out loud. 

For some reason, reading the words now and recording them hit harder than he anticipated. 

He’d been fine last night; he’d been alright when writing them and showing Taehyung, but for some reason, hearing the words sung back to him every time he reviews the recording creates a lump in his throat that he has to gulp to get off him. 

He’s in the midst of recording the bridge part when his phone rings in his pocket. 

Jeongguk’s stomach sinks, fearing the worst as it usually happens when it comes to that, but he’s relieved at the name that appears on his screen.

“Hyung, hey,” Jeongguk smiles and sits down in one of the office chairs by the computers outside of the booth. 

“Hey, Guk! How’s it going?” Yoongi asks. His voice sounds like he woke up not too long ago. After living with Yoongi for a few days while they were in Seoul, Jeongguk learned to tell. 

“It’s going alright! We have two songs ready—well, maybe not fully ready yet. We still have to change a few things, but they’re pretty much done!” Jeongguk smiles, and he thinks he hears the excitement in Yoongi’s voice when he speaks again. 

“That’s amazing! Well done, kid. Are you getting along well with the rest of the guys? Vibing?” 

“No one says vibing anymore, hyung,” Jeongguk chuckles. “But I am, yeah. It’s going really well, and they’re all so talented and helpful and—” 

“And Taehyung?” Yoongi cuts him off and takes JEongguk off guard.

“What about Taehyung?” he asks and hears a voice on the other side of the line asking ‘ who’s Taehyung?’

“Is that Jimin!?” Jeongguk asks, and Yoongi stays quiet for a few seconds too long, which is enough of an answer. “Oh, my God, hyung—” 

“We’re just having breakfast together,” is what Yoongi says, but Jeongguk rolls his eyes, and he’s pretty sure Jimin did, too.

“Right, sure,” Jeongguk indulges him. He knows that the only reason is because they spent the night together, and the thing is, he’s not mad. He’s happy for his friends, but it’s still strange to think about. “Anyway, hyung, I was going to ask you later if you wanted to hear the songs. I could send them to you so that you can give us your opinion, too?” 

“I’d be honored!” Yoongi replies enthusiastically.

“Cool! Guess I’m glad you’re with Jimin hyung right now so that we minimize the possibility of it leaking anywhere if—” 

“Hey, I’d never leak your music!” Jimin argues. 

“I know, hyung; I meant that if I only share it more than once, it’s more easily hackable, if that makes sense,” Jeongguk giggles. “Hi, by the way.” 

“Hi, Guk,” Jeongguk hears the smile in his friend’s voice. 

“Alright, I’ll send you the demo we recorded yesterday from the first song. It’s still not fully finished, and I’m actually not satisfied with my vocals and—” 

“Just send it, kid,” Yoongi cuts him off. “It’s gonna be great.” Jeongguk just sighs and types down Yoongi’s email, and sends him the file. 

“Alright, you got it. I’m gonna hang up now because I’m scared of your reaction, but be sure to text me later if you hate it or if you like it,” Jeongguk says in a breath. “Bye~” and he hangs up before any of his hyungs get a word in. 

And the best part is that he didn’t answer Yoongi’s question. 

Jeongguk is working on some lyrics when the studio’s door opens, and Hoseok comes in. 

“Oh! Good morning, boss,” he greets him. “Working some extra hours?” 

“Something like that,” Jeongguk chuckles. He hasn’t looked at his phone since he sent Yoongi the song, too afraid to check his reaction. And, although the rest of the band already said that they liked it, for some reason, to get Yoongi’s validation feels different. 

And he really wants it. 

So, instead of checking his phone, he’s decided to put pen to paper and try to write something good. 

“Have you been here for long?” Hoseok asks, heading to his bass guitar and picking it up. 

“Couple hours,” Jeongguk admits. “I woke up early and couldn’t go back to sleep.” 

“Damn, that’s a curse I’m glad I don’t have,” Hoseok chuckles. “Managed to do anything productive?” 

“I sent Yoongi hyung Song 1 ,” he shrugs. “And I tried recording the vocals again and for a song Taehyung and I worked on last night.” 

“Oh? So not only are you working extra early hours, you also worked extra last night?” 

“Kind of, yeah,” Jeongguk bites his lip nervously for some reason. 

“You should rest, Guk, remember we have plenty of time to work on this, but you should take breaks and—” 

“I know, hyung, thank you,” he smiles sweetly. “But we were inspired, and since Taehyungie hyung had recorded his part, I wanted to get the lyrics done so that we could have two finished songs.” 

“As long as you’re not pushing yourself too hard…” he plucks one of the strings that makes a low sound. “Did you do it, then?” 

Jeongguk drops his pen by mistake at the question.

“D-Do what?” he manages to ask.

“Finish the song,” Hoseok clarifies, frowning but with a smile like he’s trying to figure out exactly what confused Jeongguk about the question, and, truly, he hopes he doesn’t figure it out. 

“Oh, yeah, pretty much,” Jeongguk nods, picking his pen back up and staring at the lyrics he started writing. 

Unfortunately, he doubts they’ll use these, but at least it served him to put his thoughts from this morning to rest.  

“I’m assuming you’ll show us all later?” 

“I mean, I can show you now if you want, but—” 

“Good morning!” Seokjin greets them when he walks into the room. “I can’t believe someone was earlier than me today as well, damn it,” he clicks his tongue. 

“Jeongguk’s been here since eight, so there was no shot you’d beat that, hyung,” Hoseok chuckles when their hyung walks in with a pout. 

“Eight?!” Seokjin gasps. “Yeah, I was nowhere near the land of the conscious at that hour.” 

“Lucky you,” Jeongguk sighs. “But good morning, hyung, I hope you slept well.” 

“I did! God, I’m gonna miss that bed when I head home…” 

“You sound like you usually sleep on the floor,” Namjoon chuckles, walking inside as well. “I’ve seen your bed, hyung, you have nothing to complain about.” 

“You’ve seen my bed? Way to make all these dudes to think we’ve slept together—” 

“Literally none of us thought that, hyung,” Hoseok laughs, and Seokjin just waves him off. 

“Tae’s still not here?” Namjoon asks, looking around the room. 

“I’m certain the only reason why he was early yesterday was because Jeongguk woke him,” Hoseok admits. “Should I go get him?” 

“He was pretty out last night,” Jeongguk tells him. “Told me his neck and back hurt, so maybe we could let him sleep for a bit longer if that’s what he needs? After all, he did record the piano part from the song yesterday,” he suggests. They all seem to consider it, and, in the end, they agree. 

“The kid works so hard, we might as well give him a day off,” Seokjin shrugs and sits down on the couch next to Hoseok. 

“Alright, so, now that the rest of us are here, Guk, why don’t you show us the song?” Hoseok smiles 

“What song?” Namjoon frowns, joining the other two.

“Taehyung and I worked on the lyrics for his song last night,” Jeongguk tells them.

“Oh! You two are really enjoying spending your nights together, huh?” Seokjin smiles, and Jeongguk tries not to freak out about it. 

“Show us!” Namjoon nods, thankfully not commenting anything else, and Jeongguk nods, heading to the computer to play the demo with the vocals he recorded an hour ago, even if they sound way too rough for Jeongguk’s taste. But, for now, all that they need to do is to listen to the lyrics and offer their feedback on them.

However, just like with Yoongi’s response, he can’t look at them until the song ends. He’s not sure why he always acts like that, maybe fearing that he will be able to see the disappointment in their eyes and never be able to forget it, but it’s not until one of them speaks that he looks up. 

“I love the metaphors in it,” Namjoon nods. “And I think that the words fit the music really well, Guk!” 

“Yeah, I think it makes sense that you wrote it together,” Hoseok adds. 

“I honestly love and hate it,” Seokjin points out, and Jeongguk’s eyes move to him. “I hate that you ever felt like that.”

“Oh, thank God,” Jeongguk laughs. “I mean, I also hate it, and I—Thank you, hyung.” 

“Does this one have a title?” Hoseok asks.

“I wrote misery and denial at the top, but… it’s a working title, I guess,” Jeongguk laughs. 

“Do you think sonically that it’s finished?” Namjoon asks. “Like… do you feel like it needs any other instruments or layers?” 

“Not sure if you want my opinion, but I think it sounds perfect the way it is right now,” Hoseok says. 

“Yeah, I agree,” Seokjin nods. 

“I don’t think it needs anything else; I kinda like that the lyrics aren’t…—ironically—drowned by the music, if that makes sense?” 

“Yeah, it makes perfect sense,” Namjoon nods. “Looks like we have two songs now, then!” 

“And Jeongguk has been here writing since early in the morning, so maybe we can have more,” Seokjin strums his guitar dramatically, making him laugh. 

“Well, not really, but we’re on the right track for sure,” Jeongguk nods. “I kinda came up with a melody last night, too, at Taehyung’s, and we recorded it so that I wouldn’t forget, but he has the video,” Jeongguk informs them. “But there’s no lyrics for that one either.” 

“So, almost three!” Hoseok chuckles excitedly. 

Almost three, not bad. 

It’s lunchtime when Taehyung barges into the studio, breathing heavily and wearing the same clothes Jeongguk left him in last night. 

Well, he’s wearing his shirt again, thankfully. 

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t set my alarm and I—” 

“It’s cool, Tae, we could’ve gone wake you but decided to let you sleep in today,” Namjoon smiles at him. 

“But—” 

“Jeongguk said that you were in pain last night and thought you needed to take as much rest as you could,” Seokjin adds, and Jeongguk tries not to look at Taehyung, but like a moth to a flame, he’s unable to stop himself. 

His eyes are open wide, and he looks stunned. Jeongguk offers him a smile.

“You didn’t miss much, either, so don’t worry,” Hoseok giggles. “We decided to take the rest of the afternoon off, too. Seokjin has to go back to Seoul because something came up at work, and I’m going to go with him and visit my sister since she’s in town for a few days,” he explains. 

“Huh?” Taehyung frowns, probably still half asleep. “Are we done for the day? But—” 

“We need a break, and that way, you can also take time to recover,” Namjoon nods. 

“But I’m okay!” Taehyung refutes. “I mean, you don’t have to worry about me, really.” 

“Still, I have to go for the afternoon, and I won’t be back until late tomorrow probably, maybe longer,” Seokjin shrugs. “Want to come with us back to Seoul, or do you want to stay here?” Seokjin asks Taehyung. He had already asked the rest of them, and Hoseok was the only one who agreed to join him. 

Namjoon decided to stay, but he made plans to go back to the nearest town to visit an art exhibition that he was interested in. 

Jeongguk declined because he wants to keep trying to write the songs since, without them, the rest of them have nothing to do, and he feels bad wasting their time. 

When Jeongguk’s eyes look up again, feeling the weight of a stare, he meets Taehyung’s eyes, and they seem to ask him something without saying a word. 

Or maybe Jeongguk is reading too much into it. 

“I’ll stay,” Taehyung says. “Don’t think a four-hour drive will help my muscle pain.” 

Right. 

Of course. 

“True,” Seokjin nods. “Well, you two better actually rest, alright? No more late-night adventures.” 

Jeongguk tries to keep calm about Seokjin’s words even though he’s aware that he probably doesn’t mean anything by them, but it’s hard to stop his heart from reacting. 

“Sure thing,” Taehyung replies, and when his eyes find Jeongguk again, he smiles. “Just you and I holding down the fort, then?” 

“Guess so,” Jeongguk smiles back. He’s not sure how it will go, but he hopes that by the time they regroup in a few days, Jeongguk has something else to bring to the table. 

And who knows, maybe spending more time with Taehyung will help inspire him. 

“Well, if you two want to stay here, we gotta go,” Hoseok announces. “Joon, are we dropping you off?” 

“Yep, let me go get my stuff—” 

“We also have to get our things, don’t worry,” Seokjin chuckles and heads to the door. “Behave, kids!” Is the last thing he says before he leaves the studio. Hoseok and Namjoon wave their goodbyes as well as they head out. 

And then, it is quiet. 

“I thought you’d wake me,” Taehyung breaks it after a few seconds of silence where Jeongguk was holding his breath without him knowing. “I didn’t even hear you leave last night.” 

“I tried not to wake you,” Jeongguk admits and is incredibly grateful that Taehyung did fall asleep and couldn’t feel his… situation last night. “Last night, I mean. I knew you were tired, so once I saw you were asleep, I just let myself out.” He bites his lip nervously as he fiddles with the pen in between his fingers. “Feeling better? Did it help?” 

“Yeah, much better,” Taehyung nods, walking to him until he’s sitting by his side on the couch. “Looks like your reputation is well-founded, you are good with your fingers,” he chuckles and reaches out to take the pen from Jeongguk’s hand. “Are you alright?” 

“Huh?” He looks up, taken by surprise by the question. “What do you mean?” 

“You seem on edge,” Taehyung tilts his head a little bit. “You don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I’m kind of great at reading people, and, after a few days of knowing you, I feel like I can tell when you’re anxious,” his smile is softer now. So soft Jeongguk almost wants to reach out and taste it. 

“Oh, no, I’m—I’m fine. It’s just that I feel like I’m wasting all you guys’ time by being here since I don’t actually have any songs yet, and until I get the words out, we can’t do much and… yeah,” he explains, sinking further into the couch and sighing. 

“You’re not wasting anyone’s time, Guk,” Taehyung reaches out and hands him the pen again. And when his hand lingers on top of Jeongguk’s, he doesn’t pull away. “We all knew what we were signing in for, and we all know that making music is hard, so don’t push it and just… take as long as you need!” Taehyung squeezes Jeongguk’s hand, and he feels lighter. It’s a wonder what the right words from the right person can make one feel. 

“Thanks, hyung,” Jeongguk sighs and looks down at the notebook. “I showed the guys the song we wrote yesterday, and they loved it,” he informs him since he missed it. 

“Did they?” And when Jeongguk’s eyes find him, he sees the sparkle behind Taehyung’s. Sees the glow in his face and the brightness of his smile. “Ah, I’m so relieved! Did you finish the recording?” He asks.

“No, no, it’s still—” 

“Do you want to do it together?” Taehyung interrupts him. “I feel like it will sound more… natural if we record it as if it were a live performance, both of us doing our part at the same time.” 

And maybe that was what Jeongguk had been missing when he was recording it before. Since Taehyung’s part had been recorded the day before, it was hard for the both of them to match each other’s energies, and it always sounded a little bit off. 

“Sounds good! Are you sure you’re feeling okay to play?” Jeongguk asks as he stands, picking up the notebook even though he’s learned the lyrics from how many times he’s stared at them throughout the day. 

“I’m sure,” Taehyung nods, putting his hands on Jeongguk’s shoulders and squeezing. “You’re sweet to worry, but I promise I’m fine.” Jeongguk turns to look at him, and Taehyung is just one breath away. Although Jeongguk tries to fight it, his gaze drops to Taehyung’s lips, and he notices that he’s got a mole on his bottom lip that he would love to brush with his tongue. 

Thankfully for the both of them, Jeongguk looks away and turns back, his cheeks a few degrees warmer than the rest of his body. 

Well, maybe not all of his body. 

“I’m gonna go get us something to eat while you warm up,” Jeongguk announces. 

“Oh, no, it’s fine, I don’t need to warm up. We can finish and then go eat,” Taehyung suggests. “Unless—wait, you’re probably starving…” 

“I mean, I did have breakfast hours ago, and I didn’t even eat that much, yeah,” Jeongguk chuckles a bit. It's not like he was using that as an excuse to pull himself together, not at all. 

“Alright, then, you can go have lunch! I just ate, so I’m not hungry,” Taehyung smiles.

“You sure?” Jeongguk frowns. 

“Yeah, yeah! Don’t worry, go ahead,” he nods again. “I’ll practice to make sure that I remember it properly.” And Jeongguk stays still for a few seconds. “I mean it, Guk, it’s okay,” he chuckles and moves to push Jeongguk to the door. “And take your time to have a proper lunch, no snacks or pot ramen again, alright? You gotta eat.” 

“Fine, fine, I’m going,” Jeongguk giggles, allowing himself to be pushed. The feeling of Taehyung’s hands against his back makes him smile, too, for some reason. “But I’m gonna bring you something for later!” he warns right before Taehyung closes the door after him, and the last glimpse of him Jeongguk gets is the brightest smile. 

His heart feels lighter as he walks back to the apartment to make himself a proper lunch. 

And if he makes an extra serving so that he can give it to Taehyung, then no one’s there to judge him. 

Jeongguk hears the piano before he opens the door. In fact, he stays outside for a minute, not wanting to interrupt Taehyung. Still, when he eventually gets inside, it’s like Taehyung is too engrossed in the music to notice that he’s back. 

He walks carefully to the grand piano in the middle of the room and watches Taehyung play like nobody’s watching. Watches how fast his fingers move across the keys. He recognizes the melody from when his parents used to play classical music on Sundays while cooking lunch since it was the only day of the week when they were actually home all day. It is so fast-paced that Jeongguk wonders just how he manages to play all those notes without missing one, going from the lower notes to the highest in a matter of seconds. 

Jeongguk keeps walking carefully so as not to startle him, and when he rounds the piano, he sees that Taehyung’s eyes are closed. 

They’re closed, and his fingers still find the right keys to play. 

When the song ends and Taehyung opens his eyes, Jeongguk’s mouth is still open wide.

Taehyung curses in Korean when he sees Jeongguk standing in front of him. 

“How long have you been here!?” he asks, hand on his chest and chuckling embarrassedly. 

“I don’t know—five minutes? Hyung, that was… that was amazing. You’re amazing. You shouldn’t be wasting your time—” 

“I’m not wasting anything; I told you earlier,” Taehyung interrupts him. “But thank you. I love that song so much, and it’s a really good warm-up piece,” he chuckles, moving his fingers.

“Yeah, no shit,” Jeongguk laughs. “How can you play with your eyes closed?” 

“Muscle memory,” Taehyung shrugs. “I’ve played it so many times that I could do it in my sleep,” he chuckles. “How was lunch?” 

“It was good. I saved you some, as promised,” he walks to the piano stool, and Taehyung moves to the side to make room for him.

“There was no need—” 

“I know,” Jeongguk cuts him now. He feels like maybe he should add something else, but he doesn’t. 

He smiles when Taehyung turns to face him. 

“Thanks,” his pianist mutters. “And thank you for last night, too, I really needed it.” 

“Yeah, no problem,” Jeongguk shakes his head and looks away before he does something stupid like get lost in Taehyung’s eyes. “I could tell. You were really tense,” he looks down at the piano and puts his fingers over the keys, trying to remember what Taehyung taught him yesterday about the proper way to play. “I must say, though, no other client has ever fallen asleep on me, so… Not sure how to feel about that,” he chuckles. 

“It just felt so… good,” Taehyung shrugs and places his hand over Jeongguk’s, adjusting his fingers and pressing down on them to play a chord. And he feels like maybe Taehyung has something else to add as well, but, like him, he doesn’t. 

“I’m glad that you got to rest, though. Next time, I’ll make sure to check if you set your alarm.” 

Jeongguk repeats the motion and plays the same three-note harmony. 

“Next time, huh? I thought hyung said no more late-night adventures,” Taehyung chuckles, and Jeongguk turns to look at him and sees the faint tint on his cheeks. 

“Good thing he’s not here to watch us, then,” Jeongguk dares to tease and bump his shoulder with Taehyung’s, making him laugh. 

“Mhm, I guess so,” Taehyung nods eventually. “So, should we start?” Taehyung asks, and Jeongguk nods, standing to go fetch the microphone as well as the keyboard and the mouse to be able to control the recording. 

Once it’s all set, Jeongguk reaches for his bottle of water and takes a sip. 

“Do you mind running vocal warm-ups with me?” Jeongguk asks. “I know the song doesn’t require much, but—” 

“Sure!” Taehyung smiles and plays a C Major chord. “Is there alright, or should we start lower?” 

“Lower,” Jeongguk chuckles, and Jeongguk walks to the piano again and plays the same chord but an octave lower. “There.” 

“Alright,” Taehyung nods and plays the five notes so that Jeongguk can sing them right after before going up a half-tone and repeating the same thing until Jeongguk’s voice cracks and then all the way down, too. “You have an amazing range,” Taehyung points out as he plays the highest and lowest notes Jeongguk has reached.

“I bet you could reach lower,” Jeongguk chuckles. 

“Lower, maybe, but definitely not higher,” Taehyung turns to face him. “All warmed up?” 

“Yeah, I think I’m ready,” Jeongguk takes a deep breath as he heads again to where he set up the microphone. “Also, don’t be afraid to, like… improvise a bit with the melody. Play whatever feels right to you in the moment, yeah?” 

“Alright, boss,” Taehyung winks at him. “Count us down!” 

Jeongguk makes sure that all the microphones and everything are ready and that the settings are set up right before he counts down from three and presses record. 

Taehyung’s melody starts slow, and he gets an eight-bar solo before Jeongguk enters, softly delivering the first verse.

“ The whisky on your tongue makes you bitter, you can never admit that you’re wrong,” Jeongguk breathes in between as Taehyung keeps playing softly, lifting his eyes to meet Jeongguk’s and nodding, encouraging him. “ I wish at least you were honest, but your glass is always full when I’m gone.” 

Taehyung plays the melody from the beginning, adding a bit more depth now with some lower octaves as Jeongguk sings the pre-chorus. 

“ Guess there’s no going back now, but if I somehow could, I would have never allowed myself to believe you.” 

A part of his brain is yelling at him to press pause and review what they’ve done so far, but the beauty of recording it like a live performance is that they can’t stop. He doesn’t want to stop, either, especially not when he sees Taehyung close his eyes and feel the music as they reach the chorus that they wrote together last night. 

“ Misery loves company that’s why you sought me out, but I’m done being miserable on your account. Promised you were sober more times than I could count, but denial is a river you allow yourself to drown.” He closes his eyes as well as he sings it, noticing a few new changes in the melody, improvised just as Jeongguk gave Taehyung permission to do. And he loves them. 

Jeongguk can’t help the adlib that he lets out in response to Taehyung’s melody, and when he opens his eyes, he sees Taehyung looking at him with a smile. Sees him mouth the words ‘love that’ as he keeps playing, and it motivates Jeongguk to add another one right before the climax of the song arrives with the bridge. 

“ You dare swearing on your life as if you don’t care that you might lose it. You keep lying and then blaming me for using.” 

And the anger from the words echoes the intensity of Taehyung’s melody. Jeongguk sees how Taehyung’s entire body moves with each note, with each chord, as if he were the one who was feeling all the pain that Jeongguk is singing about. And, without realizing it, Jeongguk also changes the delivery of the lines from the way he’d been doing until now. He does it in a way that matches better with the music, and it also encourages Taehyung to make it even more intense.

“If you didn’t want me knowing then why did you call? If you thought you had it handled why did you pass out in my room? If you really loved me then why did you lie? Or maybe lying was all you ever knew.” The melody stills as he delivers that line, and, with a minor chord, Jeongguk delivers the last line of the bridge before singing the chorus again. “ And maybe I never knew how to help you.”

For the outro part, since it’s a reverse from the beginning, Taehyung repeats the same structure he used before but adds a few changes, the same way Jeongguk did with the lyrics. Changes that show that both sides are part of the same dilemma. 

“ The whisky on your tongue made you honest, and I never liked hearing the truth. I wish at least you had been bitter; maybe then I wouldn’t have loved you.” 

The song ends with Jeongguk’s voice. No musical outro or final notes. In fact, Taehyung isn’t even stepping on the piano’s pedal to hold the note as he delivers the last words. 

Jeongguk lets out a sigh before he presses stop in the recording, and when he looks up to see Taehyung, he finds him in tears. 

“W–Why are you—” 

“That was amazing, ” he chuckles, drying his tears with the sleeve of his top. “Fuck, the raw emotion in your voice and the way you were feeding it to me, it was so exhilarating I felt like I was… I don’t know how to explain it without sounding crazy, but it was like I was writing a story or something with every note,” he stands up. “You were incredible, Guk. Did you like it?” 

It takes a few seconds for Jeongguk to come back to reality after that. Takes him a few more seconds to actually reply to Taehyung’s question. 

“I did! I loved the newly added melodies, and… you were right, it’s much better to record like that and bounce off each other’s energy,” Jeongguk nods. 

“Your adlibs were great, too,” Taehyung smiles. “Shall we give it a listen just in case we need to record again?” 

“Yeah, sure,” Jeongguk nods and walks back to the stool to sit next to him, carrying the keyboard and mouse with him to play it. 

Without saying a word, Taehyung finds his free hand over his lap and holds it. 

“Sorry, I’m a bit nervous, I hope this is okay,” he admits, and Jeongguk’s entire body melts. 

“It’s okay,” Jeongguk reassures him and squeezes his hand so as to prove his point before he hits play. 

Jeongguk closes his eyes and lets himself be engulfed by the music. 

He holds his breath as his voice appears for the first time, fearing that he will hate it, fearing that he will hear something that’s slightly off and send the whole thing to the trash, but it never comes. 

What does come, though, are the tears as they reach the bridge. 

It had felt so powerful to sing it, so powerful to hear Taehyung’s emotions pour out in the music as well, but to hear it now… hits him like a tidal wave. 

Maybe it’s the fact that he almost can’t recognize his own voice, or rather, that he’d forgotten that’s how he used to sound like when his voice hasn’t been so processed that it barely sounds like himself anymore, maybe it’s the words that feel like a warm hug and a stab in the heart at the same time, who knows? 

But Jeongguk cries as the song comes to an end, and when he sniffles, he hears Taehyung gasp by his side. 

“Oh, Guk,” he whispers before he’s pulling him into a hug that Jeongguk most definitely needs. 

It’s the second time he’s crying in Taehyung’s arms, and although he certainly doesn’t want it to become a habit, he feels like such a safe place that he wouldn’t mind if it did. 

“It’s alright, you’re okay,” Taehyung whispers as he holds him whispers as he runs his hand up and down his back soothingly. “I got you, yeah? You’re going to be fine.” 

And although the process hurts, although putting his thoughts into words and singing them for the entire world to hear feels like torture, it also feels like it’s mending him little by little. 

It feels like this was exactly what he needed. 

And the name at the top of his alphabetized list of reasons why he ran away from home is barely visible now, washed away by all the tears Jeongguk’s cried about him since he arrived and by the new wave of emotions he’s beginning to feel.

Emotions so strong that, just like most forces of nature, he’s not strong enough to hold back. 

Jeongguk manages to calm down eventually, pulling back enough to meet Taehyung’s glossy eyes. 

“Sorry, I keep ruining your shirts,” Jeongguk sniffles, and it makes Taehyung laugh, shaking his head as the tears fall, too.

“It’s alright, thank God for washing machines, huh?” And Jeongguk can’t stop himself from reaching over to brush the tears off. His hand lingers, holding his face so softly as they also hold each other’s gazes. “Wanna tell me what’s going on in that head of yours?” Taehyung asks, leaning against Jeongguk’s touch and smiling softly. 

“It’s just… for the first time, I truly feel like… it’s over, you know?” Jeongguk admits, not moving an inch, thumb still brushing across Taehyung’s skin. “I’ve told myself the same thing time and time again, I told him and my friends, too, but this time… I feel it in here,” he points at his chest. “And… I know I shouldn’t cry because of this because it’s a good thing that’s over, but—” 

“Who says you shouldn’t?” Taehyung asks. “You’re allowed to feel whatever you feel, and you can express it however you need to, too,” he reminds him. “It is a good thing that you feel like it’s over, but you’re still allowed to be sad and mourn the relationship that you had for so long, Guk. Honestly, I’d be more concerned if you didn’t,” he shrugs and places his hands on top of Jeongguk’s, over his heart, too. “And this will heal if you give it time. But knowing what you deserve and what you’re willing to sacrifice in order to get it is already a huge step, and you should be proud.” 

Jeongguk hopes that Taehyung can’t tell how fast his heart is beating ever since he placed his hands on his chest. 

“I know, and hearing myself say those things, I just… I don’t know, it feels like I needed to hear that, you know?” Taehyung just nods and allows him to keep speaking, but Jeongguk’s too lost in his eyes to dare. “I’m scared, too,” he admits after a while. It’s quiet, but they’re so close that Jeongguk thinks Taehyung would’ve heard him, even if it had only been in his thoughts. 

“Scared of what?” Taehyung asks, and it’s a hard question to answer, so in order to do so, Jeongguk peels his hand away from Taehyung’s face even if he regrets it instantly when his expression shifts ever-so-slightly. 

“Of not knowing who I am without him. Of never discovering what love truly is. Of… not being enough for everyone and proving him right.” 

Jeongguk’s never admitted that to anyone, and he’s not quite sure what made him want to open up this much to Taehyung. He could most definitely decide to run for the hills now, and Jeongguk wouldn’t blame him. 

But he doesn’t.

He moves closer. 

“You have the rest of your life to discover who you are without him. And, let me tell you, I never really knew who you were with him, but I like the guy that’s sitting next to me right now,” Taehyung’s smile is warmer than the sun itself. “You are still young, Guk! I understand what you mean, though, especially coming off from such a relationship, but trust me… You have so much to learn and so many more memories to create where he won’t be a part of them. I know that right now you feel like your life with him is all you know, and you told me yourself that he’s the main character from all your songs because it’s the only real experience you’ve had, but that won’t stay like that forever,” Taehyung reaches out and places his hand on top of Jeongguk’s again. “You will live, you will love, you will learn, but most importantly, you will be whoever you want to be. You are the main character of your life and of your songs, too. It might take time, but I believe in you, and I know that you will achieve great things.” 

“How?” Jeongguk’s voice breaks when he asks. Breaks when he looks up at Taehyung and sees a look he’s not used to receiving. 

“How do I know? Or how will you manage?” Taehyung smiles teasingly, wanting to make him speak more. 

“H-How do you know?” 

“Because I believe in you,” he puts it simply. “I might’ve known you in person for a few days, but I’ve listened to your music for years, and I know what you’re capable of. And because I wish you the best and I know that you can make it out of this. I did, and you will, too.” He presses his forehead to Jeongguk’s as he whispers. Taehyung’s hand on the nape of his neck presses him forward, and Jeongguk’s breath catches in his throat. 

Jeongguk’s not quite sure what exactly takes over him at that moment, but when Taehyung is about to pull back, a reassuring smile still on his face from his speech, Jeongguk moves forward in the piano bench enough to capture Taehyung’s lips in his. 

He swallows the gasp that Taehyung lets out, but that slight sound is enough to snap Jeongguk out of his daze, and he pulls back just as quickly as he leaned in. 

“Shit, shit, sorry, I had no right to do that—” he stands, tripping with the cable of the microphone and almost falling. 

“Wait, wait, Jeongguk, it’s okay,” Taehyung tries to reach him. “It’s okay, hey, look at me,” he manages to hold his hand before Jeongguk can literally run away from the room. His eyes find Taehyung’s again, and he is confused to meet Taehyung’s smile. “It’s alright.” 

“Is it?” Jeongguk asks in disbelief, his brain going into overdrive. Taehyung just nods, not letting go of his hand, and Jeongguk thinks he might cry again, but this time out of embarrassment. “Still, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that out of nowhere.” 

“It’s fine, I promise,” Taehyung repeats, voice as gentle as always. “You were probably overwhelmed about everything and… I get it,” he shrugs, and Jeongguk hates that he can’t agree to that. Sure, he was overwhelmed by everything, but that wasn’t the reason why he kissed him. 

At least, the way his heart keeps trying to run away from him makes him think otherwise. 

“Still—” 

“All is forgiven,” Taehyung chuckles. “Promised.” 

And although it might be forgiven, Jeongguk is certain that it will most certainly not be forgotten. 

At least, not by him. 

They end up deciding to keep that version as the final one and Jeongguk sends it to Yoongi as well as to the rest of the band so that they can also give their opinion on it but, the truth is that after what happened between him and Taehyung, he wants to go to his apartment and lock himself in the room and bury his entire body under the covers and disappear for a little while.

Taehyung, bless his heart, has been trying not to make things awkward, trying to lighten the mood and making jokes, but Jeongguk’s just too embarrassed to return them, so, as soon as they finish there, they both head back to their respective apartments. 

“Wait, Tae—” Jeongguk says before Taehyung walks into his apartment. 

“Yeah?” he turns around with a hopeful look in his eyes, but Jeongguk rushes inside and gets the extra serving of food he prepared for him.

“Here,” he hands it to him. 

“Oh,” Taehyung almost sounds… disappointed. “Right, thanks, Guk,” he smiles as he accepts it with a slight bow. “Don’t you want to—” 

“I’m really tired tonight, so I think I’m just gonna crash if that’s okay,” Jeongguk feels horrible for declining his offer but he’s not sure if he can spend another second by Taehyung’s side without combusting at the minute. 

“Of course, yeah. You’ve worked hard today, so rest,” he nods and offers him a smile that Jeongguk wishes he could return. “Good night, Guk.” 

“Good night,” he says back before he turns in his heels and gets inside the apartment. 

When he bangs his head against the door, he hopes Taehyung is back in his apartment already and he can’t hear him. 

Chapter Text

Jeongguk shouldn’t be surprised by the fact that he can’t sleep. There’s way too much going on inside his brain for him to even attempt to, and he’s starting to grow tired of all the tossing and turning that’s been going on for the past two hours. 

Maybe even more, he can’t be sure. 

All he knows is that he had some dinner and a beer and went to bed trying to forget what happened, only for what happened to be the only thing he could think about. 

The feeling of Taehyung’s soft lips against his. 

The slight gasp he let out when Jeongguk leaned in. 

The look in his eyes as he broke the kiss. 

Jeongguk relives it over and over again and ends up burying his head in the pillow and groaning. 

‘Why the fuck did you do that?’ he asks himself, and the truth is, he doesn’t know. 

Or rather, he knows but is too scared to admit it. 

He’s known Taehyung for less than a week, and somehow, Jeongguk isn’t sure he’s ever experienced anything like this before. 

Although the attraction had been there since the moment he saw him for obvious reasons, Jeongguk didn’t think anything would come of it, mostly because of Andrew and their history together. But it only took Taehyung a few days to show Jeongguk that maybe what he’d settled for wasn’t all that life had to offer.

And, sure, nothing else will probably happen between them because Taehyung was pretty clear on the fact that he understood Jeongguk had just been too overwhelmed, but it still feels nice to know that there’s more than just Andrew in the picture for him. 

It’s so freeing to know that he can feel for someone else. 

What he told Taehyung was true: For the first time, he truly felt like that chapter of his life was over. And even if it had become like one of those TV shows that drag on past their good years and end up being horrible by the end, it looks like they finally reached the finale, too. 

And maybe that kiss was what Jeongguk needed to allow himself to finally start moving on. 

Even if it probably meant nothing, technically, it might become a catalyst for the rest of his life. 

After another round of tossing and turning, Jeongguk takes a deep breath, pulls himself out of bed, and tries to find his notebook. 

“Where the hell—” he starts to say, and then it hits him that he probably left it at the studio when he almost ran out of there after the kiss. He sighs, throws a hoodie over his naked torso, and picks up some pants to go get it because, sure, he could write on his phone, but it doesn’t feel as good, and for some reason, he’s feeling inspired right now. 

So he leaves the apartment and heads back to the studio, finding his notebook exactly where he left it next to the microphone. 

His eyes can’t help but dart to the piano stool, and he can almost see the scene again as if he were in the audience. 

He shakes his head and walks there, facing the piano and placing his notebook on top of it. 

It’s open in one of the songs that he wrote a few months ago but that he didn’t have any music for, and he reads the lyrics again, gulping. 

He looks down at the piano and starts playing. He should probably record this, just in case, but he left his phone back in the apartment, so he just hopes he remembers. 

And, before he can stop them, the words start pouring out of him, matching the melody. 

“I know it’s not my fault, but I can’t say that I’m blameless,” he reads, moving from a major to a minor chord. “Carry the pain ‘til it stops, undress it until it’s nameless.” He repeats the same four chords before he reads the next lines. “Someday, the world will stop, and it will feel just like this did. I know it's not my fault. Sometimes it feels like I did this,” a slight chuckle escapes past his lips at the last line, and Jeongguk remembers the moment he wrote it. The guilt that Andrew had made him feel, the horrible thoughts that he planted in his head that Jeongguk wouldn’t know how to live without him. He sighs before he hums two descending notes and delivers what feels like the perfect chorus. “Someday, I’ll be able to let you go. Someday, I’ll be kinder to myself.”

They’re just two lines, but he feels like his heart rips as he says them, so he stops. 

He stops playing and sighs, picking up the notebook and scribbling some notes on it to try and explain to himself how he wants it to sound. 

Once Jeongguk hopes that it’s clear enough for his brain tomorrow, he continues with the second verse, which doesn’t need any notes because the melody is the same. 

“One second into the next, I never know where my feet are. We're spinning out of a vortex; I don't remember who we are.” This time, the second line of the chorus changes as Jeongguk’s voice cracks when singing, “Someday I’ll be able to let you go, and it’s harder when you know all that we know.” 

The anger that Jeongguk felt writing the bridge comes back to him as he reads it, and he takes it out on the piano as well as he punctuates every word.

“And you're screaming at me, and I'm watching it fall, and I'm slamming the door, and you make yourself tall. But it's always an act, and it never lasts long 'cause I always come back when I need a new song. And I'm tired of this and the way that it feels, I'm not there anymore, this has never been real. We're just awful together and awful apart; I don't know what to do anymore…” He rests his hands on a note, elongating it, and he closes his eyes, feeling it all, and he sings the last chorus in a whisper. The words aren’t even written, but they pour out of him with ease. 

“Someday, I’ll be able to let you go. Someday, you’ll come back, and I’ll say no.”  

And maybe in another situation, Jeongguk could have missed it, but in the quiet of the night, in the silence that falls over him as he finishes the song, he hears a click on his back, and he turns to find Taehyung there, standing by the door and, by the looks of it, trying to leave. 

“I’m sorry, I saw the light and thought we left it on and came to check—” 

“It’s okay,” Jeongguk smiles a bit and turns fully, getting back his notebook. He hasn’t written anything new, but for some reason, he thinks he’s done enough for whatever time it is. “Hope I didn’t wake you.” 

“No, no, don’t worry,” Taehyung shakes his head. “I was just leaving—” 

“You can stay,” Jeongguk suggests. “I mean, if you want, I don’t mind.” 

“Are you going to stay longer?” Taehyung asks, and Jeongguk just shrugs. “I thought we weren’t allowed to work overnight.” 

“In my defense, I couldn’t sleep, so,” Jeongguk chuckles and stands to walk to the couch. Taehyung still hasn’t moved away from the door. 

“Glad I wasn’t the only one,” Taehyung smiles, too, and eventually moves to sit by his side. “You alright? That was… new.” 

“Yeah,” Jeongguk nods, overly aware of the distance between them as if Taehyung was being careful around him, and Jeongguk feels both relieved and hurt at the same time. “I mean, the lyrics weren’t new, but… yes.” 

“I thought they sounded familiar!” Taehyung beams. 

“How much did you hear?” Jeongguk asks. 

“I… I’m not sure. I mean, I woke up to get some water, and you know you can see the studio from my living room window, so I saw the light on and thought maybe we forgot to turn it off or maybe something was wrong, and I came and… I think it was the bridge.” Jeongguk just nods. “I’m sorry, really.” 

“Why are you sorry?” Jeongguk chuckles. “It’s not like it’s a secret song or anything… you probably would’ve heard it eventually.” 

“Yeah, I know, but still… I didn’t mean to interrupt,” he shrugs. 

“Well, don’t sweat it, yeah? It’s cool,” he nods, and the room is quiet again. “What time is it?” Jeongguk asks after a while

“I think it was somewhere around 3 when I left, but I left my phone, so I’m not too sure,” Taehyung admits. “Can I ask what was keeping you up?” Taehyung asks, and Jeongguk looks up to meet his eyes. “I thought you were… how did you say? Beat?” he chuckles, and Jeongguk sighs. 

“Fine, tease me, I deserve it, I’m sorry,” he tells him. 

“I told you, you don’t need to feel bad about what happened!” 

“Yeah, well, it’s easier said than done, alright?” he chuckles. “I’m embarrassed, and I just wanted to go to bed, but I couldn’t stop—” he shuts himself up, but it doesn’t seem to work.

“Thinking about it?” Taehyung guesses, and when Jeongguk looks up to meet his eyes, Taehyung smiles. “Why don’t you take a wild guess as to why I’m up at possibly three and a half in the morning as well?” he asks. 

“Because you slept until lunchtime?” Jeongguk tries to deflect the question because it’s safer. 

“Well, yeah, that and also because I also couldn’t stop thinking about it. And about you.”  

Jeongguk stays frozen on the spot. He’s not sure what he was expecting Taehyung to say, but he surely wasn’t expecting him to admit it so openly. 

“W–What?” Jeongguk can’t help but ask, even though he heard every word perfectly. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean that I couldn’t stop thinking about you, either,” Taehyung repeats like it’s so fucking easy. “And I know what I said, I know that I tried to play it cool and told you it was fine because you were probably overwhelmed, but a big part of me kind of hoped that you kissed me because you wanted to. And when you left after giving me the extra serving–which was incredible, by the way–I just… I don’t know, it felt weird, and I didn’t like it, but I also didn’t want to push you, so I didn’t say anything… And I also wanted to give you time because I know that you’re going through a lot right now and still trying to figure out your feelings and everything, but—” 

This time, Taehyung doesn’t gasp in surprise when Jeongguk’s lips capture his. 

This time, he holds Jeongguk’s shirt so that he can’t pull back if he regrets it. 

But he doesn’t regret it; he just pulls him closer. 

Jeongguk’s lips part enough for his tongue to brush against Taehyung’s lower lip, and he remembers the exact place where he spotted Taehyung had a mole and smiles before getting a taste of Taehyung’s tongue, too. 

Now, that is intoxicating. 

Jeongguk tries not to be in his head too much because, after all, this is the first time he’s made out with someone who wasn’t Andrew in a long time, and he can’t help but feel nervous. 

“Relax,” Taehyung whispers against his lips before he presses another kiss there. “It’s just me.” 

“I know,” Jeongguk chuckles, his breathing quickening as he sees how swollen Taehyung’s lips are and how dark his eyes look now. “It’s just—” 

“I get it,” Taehyung reaches over to cup Jeongguk’s face and smiles. And Jeongguk can see in his eyes that he truly does get it. That he doesn’t need to explain what he’s feeling for Taehyung to understand it. “But it’s just you and me now, right? Just you and me.” 

“Just you and me,” Jeongguk repeats with a nod, and when Taehyung leans in again, he beats him to it. 

His lips are so soft, and the pace he’s set is simply perfect. Not too rushed but also not too lazy, and Jeongguk can’t get enough. 

He’s not sure if he actually did fall asleep, and he’s now dreaming because it all feels too good to be true. 

And it feels even better when Taehyung straddles him to sit on his lap, hands on his neck, and opens his mouth to allow Jeongguk to kiss him deeper. 

Jeongguk can’t keep quiet at that, and Taehyung smiles on his lips at the whimper. 

“This feels familiar,” he mutters as he sits fully on Jeongguk’s crotch and he gulps, eyes darting up to meet Taehyung’s bottomless pits.

“W-What?” Jeongguk stutters under him when Taehyung moves his hips slightly. 

“Let’s say… I wasn’t asleep the entire time when you were giving me the massage,” Taehyung smirks and tilts his head slightly, hopefully not sensing how red Jeongguk’s cheeks get. 

“Oh, God,” he tries to cover his face, but Taehyung doesn’t let him, giggling and moving his hands away. 

“Don’t be shy, it’s normal!” he tries to reassure him. “I mean… I got lucky because I was lying on my stomach, but if you would’ve seen me… I’m not sure how I managed to sleep through that.” 

“You got hard?” Jeongguk’s eyes widen at that, and Taehyung presses his lips together to keep himself from smiling. 

“Your weight over me kinda did it for me a little, and when you started to grow hard, pressed against my ass… yeah, I did, too,” he admits with another chuckle. 

“I was so embarrassed I ran out of there,” Jeongguk tells him. “I thought for sure you would’ve been creeped out if you’d seen me—” 

“I would’ve sucked you off if given the chance. And if my neck hadn’t been in pain.” 

Jeongguk’s cock reacts to Taehyung’s words.

“You can’t— Fuck, Tae, how can you say those things so easily?” 

“Because I mean them,” Taehyung smiles and leans down to press another kiss on Jeongguk’s lips. “And, like I told you, after so long, I know what I want and what I deserve I’ll do what it takes to get it.” 

This time, it’s Jeongguk who pulls him down for a kiss so deep they both end up breathless as the pressure in their pants grows heavier, but Jeongguk doesn’t want to stop kissing him. His hands travel down Taehyung’s body and settle on his waist, but the only moment he allows his lips not to be on Taehyung’s is in order to breathe. 

“I hope you don’t think less of me if I come in my pants just from making out, it’s been a while,” Taehyung admits with a chuckle, having a blast running his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair while kissing. “Life with so many jobs doesn’t allow much for… anything.” 

“Trust me, I would’ve never guessed,” he kisses him again. “Although it’s not like I’m an expert, either.” 

“Mhm, trust me, you are,” Taehyung manages to say in between kisses, and Jeongguk can’t help but smile.

“Thanks,” he kisses his cheek this time and presses his forehead against Taehyung’s shoulder, out of breath. “No one’s ever said that to me,” he admits. 

“You’re kidding, right?” Taehyung asks, and when Jeongguk doesn’t look up, he tugs his hair a little bit to get him to. “You were with the same person for… how long? And he never told you that you were an amazing kisser?” 

“I mean, he never said I was bad, either,” Jeongguk tries to chuckle. “But… well, he did complain sometimes about me using too much tongue or making it too messy—” 

“Oh, fuck that guy,” Taehyung properly makes him look him in the eyes, then. “You better use as much tongue as you want and make it so fucking messy every time you kiss me from now on.” 

“Oh, is this not a one-time thing?” Jeongguk tries to tease, already licking his lips, having recovered his oxygen. 

“It better not be,” Taehyung pushes his shoulder slightly with a pout that Jeongguk leans in to kiss. “Is that all you’ve got?” 

Jeongguk doesn’t need to be asked twice before diving in, and Taehyung’s smile before opening his mouth straight away is enough to drive him wild, his tongue being swallowed by Taehyung, him biting the tip and twirling his around it. 

And it just feels so good. 

So normal. 

So… right.

Jeongguk isn’t sure what time it is by the time they decide to stop making out, what he does know is that the sun seems to be rising somewhere behind the mountains around the studio. 

“Play it again,” Jeongguk begs Taehyung from where he is sitting on the floor, his head resting on Taehyung’s lap as he sits by the piano. 

“At this point, I might start charging you,” Taehyung chuckles, running his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair again. 

He can’t help but close his eyes; he's definitely tired, but he also doesn’t want to leave. 

“Depends on the price I might be able to afford it,” Jeongguk teases, lifting his head enough to meet his eyes. 

“I’ll think about it. This is the last one you get for free,” Taehyung winks at him before he puts his hands down on the piano and plays the same song Jeongguk’s asked him to play for the past half an hour. It’s Bach, and it used to be one of his favorite pieces from when he was studying musical theory. 

And Taehyung plays it so well that he can’t help but almost want to ask him to play it again as soon as he finishes. 

“I could teach you how to play it so you can do it yourself, you know?” Taehyung offers again.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to do that even if you taught me for like ten years,” he chuckles. 

“Wanna bet, pretty boy?” Taehyung tilts his head, smirking. 

“Wait… you think I’m pretty?” Jeongguk puts a strand of hair behind his ear and flutters his eyelashes, making Taehyung laugh. 

“Yes, I do,” he admits, nodding and bending down enough to reach Jeongguk’s eye level. “Very pretty,” he whispers before kissing his lips again, and Jeongguk just melts into it. 

“You should get yourself a mirror,” Jeongguk suggests after the kiss. 

“Oh, I own many, baby. But go ahead, tell me I’m pretty, too,” Taehyung smiles, and the sun might be coming out as they speak, but there’s no way that it will be brighter. 

“You’re not pretty, I’m afraid… You’re fucking gorgeous,” Jeongguk stands from the floor and towers over Taehyung now. “From the moment I saw you walk into that cafe with your hair all messed up and your glasses…” he shakes his head, remembering how awestruck he’d been. “You’re probably the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.”

And it takes a few seconds for Taehyung to react, but when he does, he stands and pushes Jeongguk against the piano, the sound the instrument makes when Jeongguk’s hands and ass collide with it, making them both laugh in each other’s lips before Taehyung sucks Jeongguk’s lower lip into his mouth. 

“We should try to be more careful and not break any equipment, I’m not sure I would be able to pay for that,” Jeongguk chuckles, his hands on Taehyung’s waist now as his skin crawls when Taehyung drums his fingers against his neck as if he were the piano, instead. 

“And here I thought you would let me fuck you on top of the piano… Guess that’s a fantasy for another day.” The tone of his voice warns Jeongguk that he’s kidding, but there’s something about the image it evokes in Jeongguk’s mind that makes him pull back enough to meet his eyes. 

“I’m kidding,” Taehyung reassures him, hands on his face. “I’m not going to ruin breaking this beautiful piano when we have two beds at our disposal,” he chuckles. 

“But would you? Hypothetically?” Jeongguk asks, feeling the need to gulp the sudden knot in his throat. 

After their little makeout session from earlier, they both had to take a breather to make sure that their hard-ons vanished, but Jeongguk is starting to feel his return just by this conversation alone. 

“Hypothetically, I would either bend you over right there with your hands on the hood while I fucked you and played piano at the same time or do it on top of it. Or let you do it to me, whatever works for you.” 

“Whatever works for—How can you say that?! ” Jeongguk asks, his entire being set aflame. 

“You asked! Hypothetically!” Taehyung laughs innocently. 

“You’re crazy,” Jeongguk shakes his head, trying to calm down and resting his head on Taehyung’s shoulder. 

“Sleepy?” he asks, his fingers running through Jeongguk’s hair again, which doesn’t help. He just hums. “Wanna go to bed?” he asks so softly. “To sleep,” Jeongguk chuckles at the clarification. 

“Yeah, now you wanna sleep,” he lifts his head enough to look at him. “I kinda wanted to finish the song, though—” Taehyung kisses him quiet.

“We can finish it later. First, we sleep, hm?” And he kisses him once more. “Your place or mine?” he chuckles. 

“Mine is closer,” Jeongguk smiles and reaches to hold Taehyung’s hand. 

“Is it?” he laughs, and they start walking outside. 

Daylight surely has broken already, but Jeongguk is so tired that he’s pretty sure he’ll fall asleep anyway now that he has nothing to worry about anymore. 

Now that he has someone to hold, too.

“Are you gonna sleep inside the bed today?” Jeongguk asks as he holds the door open. 

“Guess I have no reason not to now, huh?” he smiles. 

“You could’ve last time, too.” 

“I know, but I’m… I move a lot, and I’m a bit of a hugger, and I didn’t know if you’d be comfortable with it since we literally had just met,” Taehyung chuckles. “But now…”

“Now you can hug me all you want,” Jeongguk pulls from him inside the bedroom, and Taehyung collides against his chest. 

“Good,” he whispers against Jeongguk’s lips before he kisses them. 

And the bed is almost as soft as Taehyung’s lips are, and he gives himself at their mercy. 

Jeongguk wakes with the strange feeling that something is wrong. 

There’s a heavy weight on his chest, and, for a second, he forgets where he is. 

Or rather, he forgets where he isn’t.

So he jumps up, startling Taehyung next to him and breathing heavily. 

“W-What is it? What’s wrong?” Taehyung asks drowsily, reaching out to turn the light on. 

Jeongguk squints at the brightness of the room, but he’s still trying to calm down his breathing. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he shakes his head, taking a deep breath with his eyes still closed. He feels the bed dip next to him before Taehyung’s hand is on top of his. 

“Guk, baby, look at me,” he speaks so softly, even if his voice seems to be down in the underworld. 

Jeongguk opens his eyes to meet his and bites his lip apologetically. 

“Bad dream?” Taehyung guesses, and Jeongguk sighs. 

“I’m not sure, I can’t remember,” he admits. “But I just—I woke up, and I felt you with me, but I…” 

“You didn’t remember I was here,” he assumes, and Jeongguk can’t look at him. “Were you scared that it was him again?” 

“Yeah…” Jeongguk barely whispers, and it is quiet for a bit before Jeongguk feels Taehyung press a kiss on his naked shoulder. 

“Lucky for you, I’m not,” he smiles when Jeongguk looks up at him again.

“You’re not mad?” Taehyung frowns at the question. 

“Why would I be mad?” he asks.

“I just admitted to having mistaken you for my toxic ex-boyfriend.” 

Taehyung holds his gaze for a few seconds before he sighs and moves even closer, holding his face. 

“You were asleep, darling. You could’ve mistaken me with Godzilla, and I wouldn’t have been mad, either,” he chuckles. “I know this is going to be hard for you. Not only this,” he signals at the both of them, “but everything else. You’re going to have to unlearn lots of things that he forced you to learn, and I am aware that it might take some time. Hell, I’m even still trying to come to terms with some things myself, so I get it. But I’m not mad at you. I have nothing to be mad about in the first place. You know that, right?” He’s so soft with his voice, with his touches, with his understanding that all Jeongguk can do is lean forward and press his lips to Taehyung’s for a few seconds. 

“I didn’t think Godzilla would look this good,” Jeongguk tries to tease to deflect the conversation, and Taehyung chuckles, shaking his off. 

“Why did you think people wanted him dead? They were jealous,” he plays along.

“Oh, that’s it, of course,” Jeongguk nods and kisses him again. “Thank you.” 

“I’m here for you,” he brushes his nose against Jeongguk’s. “I promise you, it will get easier.” 

Jeongguk takes a deep breath and nods, trying to let his words sink in. Trying to believe them. 

“Wanna get up, or should we stay in bed a little longer?” Jeongguk asks, reaching for his phone and checking it for the first time today since when he went to the studio earlier, he left it behind. 

It’s late. 

Their sleeping schedule is going to resent them for this, for sure. 

“I mean, it is our day off, and the guys are still not back, are they?” Taehyung asks, even if they can’t know, considering they’ve been asleep for the past ten hours. 

But Jeongguk checks the groupchat they made and sees that Seokjin texted to let them know that he and Hoseok will end up coming tomorrow because whatever he was needed for at the office ended up taking longer than he anticipated. 

Apparently, Namjoon did come back last night, but today, he went back to the nearest town when he heard that they still wouldn’t be meeting today. 

“They’re coming back tomorrow,” Jeongguk informs him. “But I did want to—” 

“I know, finish the song,” Taehyung nods. “Do you want to get up, then?” 

“I mean, I am hungry,” he chuckles. “I can make us some… breakfast? Lunch? Dinner?” he checks the phone again. “And you can stay here.” 

“Are you going to bring me breakfast-or-lunch-or-dinner in bed?” Taehyung leans back down, smiling. 

“No, I’m going to call you when it’s ready,” he chuckles and stands up, finding his T-shirt on the floor where Taehyung threw it a few hours ago in the midst of their makeout session. Taehyung clicks his tongue at that. 

“Well, in that case, I might as well keep you company and watch you cook. Bet that will be hot,” he smiles and gets off the bed as well. 

He stretches and yawns at the same time, and Jeongguk can’t help his eyes from darting down to the bit of skin that gets exposed on Taehyung’s waist when he does.

“Come on, then,” Jeongguk turns away mainly so that he doesn’t reach out to touch him. 

Even if, maybe now, he could. 

“Coming!” Taehyung chuckles, and before he can prepare, Taehyung jumps on his back, arms around his neck, and legs around his waist. 

“F—Fuck, give a man a warning,” Jeongguk laughs, hands quickly going to the back of his thighs to hold him up. 

“I knew you’d catch me,” Taehyung whispers in his ear before he presses a kiss on his cheek, and Jeongguk just feels his chest swell and light up. 

Part of him sighs in relief at how much he’s missed this feeling. 

And part of him realizes that he never actually felt anything like this at all. 

“Pancakes for dinner, huh?” Taehyung chuckles when Joengguk places the plate on the table in front of them. 

“I honestly can’t think of anything better to have for dinner right now,” Jeongguk sits down in front of him and puts one of them on his plate. 

“How very American of you,” Taehyung shakes his head, serving himself another one, too. 

“I know that’s supposed to be an insult, but for some reason, for this, I won’t take it as such,” he laughs. “I only bought hazelnut spread the other day, so I hope you like it,” he uncaps the pot and spreads a generous amount over the pancake. 

“Lucky you, I do,” Taehyung smiles. “It’s been so long since I’ve actually had some if I’m honest.” 

“Me too,” Jeongguk hums the second he bites into it. “It reminds me of birthday breakfasts at home,” he smiles. 

“Did your mom make them for you every year?” Taehyung asks. 

“Not every year, no. She was a very busy woman,” Jeongguk nods. “But since my birthday is September 1st, most years it was also the first day of school, so she tried to make it better by making my brother and me some pancakes.” 

“That’s really sweet,” Taehyung smiles. “I guess it’s the equivalent of the seaweed soup we get here.” 

“Oh, no, we had that as well,” Jeongguk chuckles. “They said that it was a way to keep nurturing our roots in a way even if we couldn’t visit.” 

“You’d never been to Korea before?” Taehyung does sound surprised at that. “Wow, then the fact that your Korean is this good is even more impressive.” 

“I mean, we spoke Korean at home,” he points out. “But no, this is my first time actually visiting,” he nods. “I was born here, but we moved to the States when I was like two, I think, so I don’t remember anything about it. We lived in Busan back then, according to the pictures and my parents’ stories, but yeah, we could never afford to come. Not even when my grandparents passed away, which was a bit sad.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Taehyung reaches over the table to hold his hand. 

“It’s alright,” he shakes his head. “My parents could make it, but it put us in quite a financial toll, so neither my brother nor I were allowed to come… I hope one day I can bring them all here now that I can afford it,” he smiles. 

“I’m sure they would love that,” Taehyung’s smile is soft, and so is his touch across the back of Jeongguk’s hand. “These are delicious, by the way,” he points at the pancakes, and Jeongguk chuckles, leaning over the table to lick a spot of chocolate off his lip and kissing him since he was already there. “You could’ve just told me I had chocolate on me,” Taehyung points out before he kisses him back. 

“Mhm, where’s the fun in that?” Jeongguk smirks before he sits back down on the chair. 

“Well, if it’s going to get you to kiss me, I guess I’ll make even more of a mess, then,” Taehyung provokes, and, this time, he intentionally lets the chocolate dip down his mouth and chin and down his still bare torso. 

Jeongguk can’t keep his eyes off it. 

“Oops,” Taehyung gasps exaggeratedly. “Can you pass me a napkin, babe?” he asks, and Jeongguk licks his lips without even noticing. 

“You know, cold pancakes don’t really hit the same,” Jeongguk starts talking as he stands from the chair and walks around the table toward Taehyung.

“Who says they’re going to get cold? I just asked for a nap—” 

His words get interrupted when Jeongguk pulls from his chair to separate him from the table and kneels in between his legs, licking a line from his navel up to where the sweet drop of chocolate landed. 

“Too bad, I don’t think I have any,” Jeongguk smiles from his knees, and the look Taehyung gives him is nothing less than sinful. 

“Too bad indeed,” Taehyung agrees, biting his lip and opening his legs further so that Jeongguk can fit better between them. 

“Go on, eat before they get colder,” Jeongguk smiles, lifting himself a little. 

“Don’t know who they are because you look hot as fuck to me,” is all Taehyung says before he pulls Jeongguk up by his shirt and gets his lips on him, messy and wild and absolutely delicious. 

There’s a faint taste of hazelnut on Taehyung’s tongue as Jeongguk sucks it into his mouth, and it makes him smile into the kiss, lowering himself to sit on Taehyung this time. 

“Seeing you on your knees for me looked…” Taehyung shakes his head, struggling to find the words. 

“Next time, I promise to look even better,” Jeongguk whispers against his ear as he circles his hips over Taehyung’s hardening crotch. 

“I don’t doubt that you will,” Taehyung grunts before he captures Jeongguk’s lips in his again, his hands sneaking down Jeongguk’s T-shirt, and his skin reacts at the touch, at the coldness of his hands against his scorching hot skin. “Fuck, I want you so bad,” Taehyung admits in a whisper against the base of his neck before he attaches his lips there, Jeongguk throwing his head back so that he gives him more access. 

“Looks like you have me,” Jeongguk smiles and can’t help but moan when Taehyung’s teeth meet his skin. “Careful, there,” Jeongguk’s arms loop around his neck.

“Sorry,” Taehyung nudges his nose against the spot where he just bit. “Can’t help it.” 

And it’s at that same moment that Jeongguk freezes on top of him. 

And Taehyung must feel him get stiff as a plank because he pulls back enough to meet his eyes. 

“Guk?” he asks, and Jeongguk meets his eyes. “Are you good?” 

“Yeah, yeah, sorry, I—” he shakes his head. “Sorry.” 

“Stop apologizing,” Taehyung reaches out to cup his face and smiles. “What happened? Where did you go?” 

“I just… I think we should slow down,” he gulps, hating every word that comes out of his mouth. “I’m sorry, I know I was the one that started it—” 

“Jeongguk, please, stop apologizing,” Taehyung reaches out to hold his face between his hands. “It doesn’t matter who initiated it or ended it, if you’re uncomfortable or don’t want to do it anymore, then we stop! It’s as simple as that,” he smiles. He’s too sweet for Jeongguk. “What happened?” 

“I freaked out,” he gulps. “It’s… He’s still in my head, and I hate it.” 

“Alright, elaborate,” Taehyung asks patiently, hands still on him and Jeongguk still sitting on his lap. “If you want.” 

“He used to… he liked marking me so that everyone knew I was his,” Jeongguk starts, not daring to look at him. “And every time we broke up and got back together, he’d do it to remind everyone and me that… yeah,” he nods, taking a deep breath. “And eventually sex in general it became… the only release we could get. We both sought it out, and we both came back for it. Sometimes, I felt like that’s all I was to him, someone to fuck him whenever he needed it. And I allowed it. And I’m also guilty of returning just for sex. Because it was the only thing that we could do where we weren’t fighting by the end of it, it was all that we were good at, and now… I don’t know, I don’t want to feel like that about it, you know? I don’t want to feel like having sex with someone is… meaningless. I want it to mean something, but right now, I’m not sure if anything I do feels like anything at all, if that makes sense. There was one point where, even if I didn’t want to have sex, I’d still let him because it was the only way I could have him, and I thought that was what I wanted. But I don’t want to feel like that again.”

“And you shouldn’t,” Taehyung pulls Jeongguk’s head up enough to meet his eyes. “He had no right to make you feel like that, and I completely understand why you freaked out. I’m sorry, I should’ve asked first, and we don’t have to do anything, Guk. I mean it. Do I want you? Yes. Will I make you do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing just because I want to? I’d rather die .” The look in Taehyung’s eyes is so raw and honest that Jeongguk feels his throat close up. 

He’s not used to this. 

He’s not sure how to react to it, and, mostly, he’s not sure he deserves it in the first place. 

With Andrew, he made sure to remind Jeongguk exactly what he deserved, so he started believing it. 

“So, if you want to take it slow, then we take it slow. And if you want to have sex on that couch over there, then I’m all for it, too. It’s your call, and don’t you ever apologize for it again, alright?” 

“I just… I guess I want to figure out who I am first before… you know?” And although his train of thought is a bit vague, Taehyung still nods. 

“I get it, and I support you a hundred percent. And if you want to stop this, too,” he signals at the both of them. “Then I will also respect—” 

Jeongguk shuts him up with a kiss that’s much more tender than most of the ones they’ve shared so far. 

“I don’t,” he shakes his head. “This is good. This is nice.” 

“It is nice, isn’t it?” Taehyung smiles against Jeongguk’s lips before he presses another peck, there. “I mean it, though.” 

“And I appreciate it, but I’m afraid I’d also rather die than stop kissing you,” Jeongguk admits and brushes his nose against Taehyung’s. 

“We can’t have that, after all, we have an album to finish and a plate of pancakes to eat, don’t we?” Taehyung teases, and Jeongguk can’t help but chuckle, nodding and pressing his lips against Taehyung’s cheek before he stands up. 

“Should I heat up the pancakes?” he offers, and Taehyung shakes his head.

“Just come here and eat them with me,” Taehyung nods and pulls another one of the chairs so that it’s next to him instead of in front. 

And Jeongguk takes it. 

In the end, Jeongguk and Taehyung end up taking their day off very seriously. Although Jeongguk had admitted that he wanted to try and finish the song he started writing in the early hours of the day, he decided to do so the next day when the rest of the band was there. 

Taehyung stayed. 

Even after Jeongguk ruined the moment, he stayed. 

And, although he’d told Jeongguk to not feel bad and not apologize, Jeongguk couldn’t help but still be a bit in his head.

And, Taehyung being there, helped. 

They spent the rest of the night on the couch watching each other’s favorite movies and, since they had spent most of the day sleeping, it ended up getting pretty late, but Jeongguk didn’t mind. 

“I can’t believe you’ve never watched it before… It’s such a classic!” Taehyung complains while he searches for Midnight in Paris on streaming. 

“To be fair, I’ve never been much of a cinephile,” Jeongguk admits, his arm thrown over Taehyung’s shoulders, keeping him close.

“You know, one of my dreams is to one day have my music feature in a movie,” Taehyung smiles next to him. “And not like… background music for a Netflix original or something. More of an original score, you know?” 

“That’s really cool!” 

“It would be, yeah, but I mean, dreams are meant to stay dreams most of the time, right?” he chuckles a bit and leans back against the sofa, having found the movie already. 

“Not necessarily,” Jeongguk argues, his finger tracing shapeless figures on Taehyung’s shoulder. 

At some point through the past few hours, Jeongguk offered Taehyung a shower since, as he said, he already had his towel in his bathroom, anyway, and Taehyung accepted. 

And he’s now wearing Jeongguk’s clothes, again. 

He looks so good in them, too. 

“Was your dream to become who you are right now?” Taehyung turns to look at him and Jeongguk can’t help but smile at how deep their conversation always end up getting.

But he likes it. He loves learning more about Taehyung and he notices with a slight bitter taste on his lips that no one’s ever truly cared to hear more about him. Not really. 

“I just wanted to sing songs that people could relate to,” Jeongguk admits. “I wanted to… move people, you know? Make them feel something with my music.” 

“Then I’d say you must be one of the few people I know who actually managed to achieve their dream,” Taehyung’s fingers find Jeongguk’s mess of a hair once more. It didn’t use to be this messy before Taehyung found a liking to messing up with it, but he’s not complaining, either. 

“I guess I did achieve it and then lost it and myself along the way,” Jeongguk’s smile turns sad. “Guess my new dream would be to get myself back.” 

“You’re on the right track,” Taehyung reassures him and places his head on the crook of Jeongguk’s neck, snuggling closer. “I believe in you,” he lifts it enough to press his lips against Jeongguk’s cheek.

“And I believe in you. Can’t wait to be your date when you’re nominated for an Oscar for Best Original Score,” Jeongguk turns to face him with a smile and Taehyung rolls his eyes as if he thought he was joking. “I’m serious!” 

“About wanting to be my date or about me possibly ever winning an Oscar when I can’t even afford rent for my one-bedroom apartment without working two jobs and a half?” he laughs. 

“Both,” Jeongguk nods. “All you need is your piano and your passion to achieve whatever it is you want, hyung,” Jeongguk leans his head on top of Taehyung’s and sighs. 

“And a date,” Taehyung adds and Jeongguk chuckles. 

“Then you’re in luck, you already have all three,” he turns to press a kiss on top of Taehyung’s hair. “Now, press play before I make you watch Your Name again.” 

“I mean… is that a threat?” Taehyung laughs as he reaches for the remote. “I know I cried like a baby, but I loved it so much. The story, the music…” 

“I know. What can I say? I have immaculate taste,” Jeongguk takes the remote from him and presses play. 

“Can’t argue with that,” Taehyung snuggles closer as the title fills the screen and Jeongguk prepares to learn a bit more about Taehyung. 

It’s almost the same time as they found each other at the studio last night by the time they head to bed, both of them laughing and telling each other their favorite parts of the movies they watched, hand in hand walking back to Jeongguk’s bed. 

“Wanna stay over?” Jeongguk asks, pulling Taehyung into his arms. 

“Oh, it was still up for debate?” he chuckles and presses his lips against Jeongguk’s smile. “Of course, I want to,” he whispers against his lips before he kisses him again. 

“I hope I don’t startle you awake tonight,” Jeongguk sighs as he sits on the bed. 

“If you do, then I’ll go back to sleep right after, don’t worry,” Taehyung smiles and climbs over the bed as well to get on his side. “But I hope you get to rest and get no nightmares.” 

Taehyung snuggles under the covers and, the second Jeongguk joins him, he moves closer to him and presses his head against Jeongguk’s chest. 

“Today was really nice,” Taehyung admits, looking up to smile at Jeongguk. 

“It was, yeah. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this…” he tries to come up with a word that might encapsulate the feeling he’s harboring in his chest right now but can’t seem to find one. “In a while.” 

“Yeah, me too,” Taehyung chuckles and lifts himself up to kiss him once more. “Good night, Gukie.” 

“Good night, Tae.” 

As Jeongguk reaches over to switch off the light and hugs Taehyung tighter, his chest doesn’t feel so heavy anymore.

It feels alight . 

Chapter Text

Taehyng is still asleep when Jeongguk decides to go out for a run the next morning. 

He’s careful as he peels himself off Taehyung’s embrace, not wanting to wake him up or worry him, and it seems like his partner is just as much as a deep sleeper as Jeongguk himself because he doesn’t even flinch. 

He’s not sure what time it must be, but since they aren’t supposed to be at the studio at any particular time today either, he doesn’t worry about it. 

He gets the first set of clothes he gets his hands on and carefully exits the room, tying his laces by the entrance where he left his trainers the last time he used them. 

The sun welcomes him when he exits the building, and he regrets not having retrieved his sunglasses, but it’s too late to go get them now, so he decides to endure it. 

He stretches first and breathes in the scent of nature. That’s something else he didn’t really get back at home, especially not once he moved to LA, where everything smells like pollution or fast food. 

The wind blows softly as he starts jogging, heading toward the lake he can see through his window. As he runs, he tries focusing on the water to see if he can spot any fish swimming around, but all he gets to see is the reflection of his surroundings as if he were staring at a mirror instead. 

The song he started writing the other day comes back to his brain suddenly, and, for some reason, Jeongguk smiles. 

He likes it. 

Hell, he thinks he loves it. 

It is such a personal song, too, and he can’t wait to keep working on it until it’s finished. 

He thinks he has a few ideas to add to the production of it, but he’ll talk about it with the rest of the band to get their thoughts on it before recording it properly. 

He was relieved to see that both Yoongi and the rest of the band sent such encouraging and supportive feedback to the two songs that they had finished already, and it looks like they are on the right track, after all. 

He’s so excited to show them this song, too. 

“Jeongguk?” he hears, and it brings him back to reality, lifting his eyes enough to see Namjoon jogging his way. “Oh, hi! Good morning,” he chuckles. 

“Hyung, hey!” Jeongguk smiles as they keep moving closer to each other. 

“If I would’ve known you’d be running too, I would’ve waited this morning,” Namjoon chuckles. 

“I wasn’t planning on it, to be honest,” Jeongguk puts his hands on his hips and takes a deep breath, stopping for a bit to chat with Namjoon. “How was your excursion to town?” 

“It was great!” Namjoon nods, drying his sweat with his T-shirt. “The exhibition was so good, and yesterday I went to have a drink with a guy I met there,” he chuckles. 

“Oh?” Jeongguk’s eyebrows meet the root of his hair as he tilts his head with a smile. “Get it, hyung!” he says in English, making Namjoon laugh. 

“Shut up, it was just a few drinks, nothing else. He was nice, but I doubt long distance would work anyway since he works here.”

“Damn, I’m sorry…” 

“It’s fine. I have his number, so if I ever get bored of hanging out with you guys here, I can always give him a call,” he chuckles. “What about you?” Jeongguk’s eyes meet his again. 

“What about me?” 

“How was your break? Did you and Tae hang?” he asks, and Jeongguk can’t help the way his smile starts spreading even before he’s aware of it. 

Hang is definitely an understatement. 

“Yeah! Yeah, we—” Jeongguk starts talking, but he stops, not knowing if Taehyung is comfortable with anyone knowing about them just yet. They didn’t really talk about it, so for now, he keeps his mouth shut. “We watched some movies, and I actually have another song I want to show you guys!”

“So you didn’t really rest, huh?” Namjoon chuckles. “That’s cool, though! I can’t wait to hear it. So far, I’m so impressed by your songwriting! Like, I knew you were good, and Yoongi definitely was not lying, but still, you’re… really good.” 

“Thanks, hyung,” Jeongguk can’t help but blush at the compliment. “Do you want to run a bit more with me? I don’t mind the company,” he suggests.

“I’d like that, yeah,” Namjoon smiles. “Maybe you can tell me a bit more about that new song or about the reason why you started smiling when I asked about Taehyung,” he smirks, and Jeongguk tries not to show his shock, but by the way Namjoon nudges at him, he’s pretty sure he failed.

According to Namjoon, when they return to the apartment building, Hoseok texted him that he and Seokjin were already on their way back from the city, which means that they will resume work on the album that afternoon.

In the end, Jeongguk didn’t tell Namjoon anything about him and Taehyung, and, thankfully, his hyung also didn’t press further, probably assuming that, whatever it was, Jeongguk still wasn’t ready to talk about it. 

He appreciated it. 

Jeongguk makes it back to his apartment, and the quiet of it makes him assume that Taehyung must still be sleeping. He confirms his hypothesis the second he walks past the threshold of his bedroom. 

Taehyung is startfished in the middle of the bed, the covers wrapped around his body as if he’d been a hurricane amongst them, and it makes Jeongguk smile. 

Unlike the last time they found themselves in this situation, this time, Jeongguk can climb over the bed and crawl until he’s right next to him and press a feather-light kiss against the skin of his neck. 

“Rise and shine, angel,” Jeongguk whispers against his ear, smiling when Taehyung whines at the disturbance. “Why? Cause it’s late,” Jeongguk laughs, pulling back enough so that Taehyung can roll over away from him. 

“‘S not,” Taehyung argues, even though his eyes are still closed. “What happened to let poor little Tae sleep in? I liked that plan.” 

Jeongguk laughs, shaking his head and fighting the urge to get under the covers with Taehyung because he needs a shower after the run. 

“You do remember barging into the studio complaining that we didn’t wake you, right?” he asks, and all Taehyung does is groan again. “Alright, well, guess I’ll go shower by myself…” Jeongguk sighs dramatically, and that gets Taehyung to turn enough to open his eyes and look at him. “ That wakes you up?” he laughs. 

“I mean… showering sounds nice,” Taehyung smiles a bit. “Did you work out?” 

“I did, yeah. Went on a run, and funnily enough, I ran into Namjoon hyung,” Jeongguk stretches his hand. “So? Wanna shower?” 

“Mhm, want a kiss first, actually,” Taehyung kneels on the bed and walks to the edge of it to pull from Jeongguk’s hands to do that. “Morning,” he smiles and pecks him again.

“Good morning,” Jeongguk’s smile grows, too. 

“Are you sure you want me to join you?” Taehyung asks, tilting his head a bit, and Jeongguk sees in his eyes why he’s asking.

“Why, are you scared you won’t be able to control yourself around me?” Jeongguk tries to tease, brushing his fingers on Taehyung’s side. 

“I mean, I most definitely will be having a hard time, yes, pun intended,” he chuckles. “But I’ll do it. Will you be able to?” Taehyung shoots back with a smirk. “Need I remind you my back alone gave you a boner?” 

“Oh, fuck you,” Jeongguk laughs, but his chest feels so light. “And it wasn’t your back alone… your fucking moans didn’t help.” 

“Oh, these?” he asks and moans in command overly exaggerated, but it still hits Jeongguk right on his crotch. “Good to know you break that easily, baby,” he leans in as he speaks and licks his lips from top to bottom, and Jeongguk is quick enough to open his lips to kiss him properly, pulling him closer to him by his waist. 

“You have no idea,” Jeongguk mumbles against his lips, shaking his head. And it takes an industrial-size amount of willpower to break the kiss, but he does it. 

“I definitely do need a shower, now,” Taehyung admits, chuckling, and Jeongguk bites his lips when he feels him hard against him. 

“I’m sorry—” Taehyung shuts him up with a kiss. 

“Come on,” he says, jumping down from the bed and taking Jeongguk’s hand to pull from him to the bathroom. “Not sure if the shower is big enough for two, but I’m sure we can make it work,” he turns back to smile, and Jeongguk can’t help but pull him back against him to kiss him. 

“Thank you.” 

“For what?” Taehyung tilts his head and smiles, hand pressed against Jeongguk’s chest.

“For not being a dick about this,” he chuckles. 

“Oh… You mean for being… a basic and decent human being?” Taehyung’s smile is as soft as his words are. “Then you are very welcome.” 

And maybe it’s because Jeongguk’s experience is so far removed from someone treating him like this that he felt the need to both apologize and be grateful for something that shouldn’t have been needed, but Taehyung is right. 

Jeongguk kisses Taehyung’s cheek before they walk into the bathroom.

Taehyung squints a little when he switches the light on, and Jeongguk can’t help but chuckle.

“You really aren’t a morning person, huh?” he notices as he pulls his T-shirt off him.

“Unfortunately, no,” Taehyung sighs and licks his lips as he stares at Jeongguk’s naked chest. “But this view helps,” he smiles, and Jeongguk chuckles, feeling a bit shy. 

“I’d throw this to you for that if it weren’t so gross,” Jeongguk signals before he throws the T-shirt to the floor so that he can add it to his laundry load later. 

“Such a gentleman,” Taehyung giggles as he also takes off his shirt. And although Taehyung’s torso is much less muscular than his, the truth is Jeongguk’s never really cared much about that, and the expanse of his chest and Taehyung’s honey-glazed skin are enough to drive him nuts, too. 

“Maybe this is stupid,” Jeongguk admits, pulling down his pants and feeling a bit of resistance. Yeah, it most definitely is stupid. 

“I mean, it was your idea,” he laughs. “I can still leave if you’d be more comfortable.” 

“No, I—” Jeongguk bites his lip, debating it. “I think it’s a bit silly that the first time we see each other naked is here in the shower, but for some reason… I want it.” 

“Well, good,” Taehyung pulls both his pants and underwear at once, and Jeongguk’s eyes go wild. “I’ll wait for you inside.” And Taehyung has the audacity to wink before he turns to go to the shower. And if the view from the front had already been deadly when Jeongguk’s eyes land on Taehyung’s ass… 

Yeah, this was definitely stupid.

He hears the spray of the shower and Taehyung’s slight yelp when it lands on him as Jeongguk takes off his underwear, letting it join the rest of their clothes on the floor, opening the sliding door of the shower and joining Taehyung, unable to keep his hands off him for a second. 

“‘s still cold,” Taehyung warns, but it’s too late. Jeongguk is also under the spray. 

“I think it’s best for us both right now,” he chuckles against his skin before he presses his lips against Taehyung’s bare shoulder. 

“Guess so,” he chuckles and turns around to face him, a smile on his face as he puts both his arms around his neck and brushes Jeongguk’s long hair away from his face. “You good?” he asks so sweetly while the water starts to warm up over them. 

“Don’t you think this is weird?” he asks, his brain overthinking everything. 

“What, showering together?” Taehyung asks and shakes his head. “I think it’s good. I like it,” he smiles and pulls from him enough to kiss his lips. “I think it’s a good way to kind of… remove expectations in a way? From what you said yesterday, your relationship with sex itself is… tricky, and I can only assume that so was your relationship with nudity, right?” Taehyung assumes, and Jeongguk sighs. “You don’t need to be embarrassed or anything, baby, I understand. After such a relationship, it’s already shocker enough that you were willing to kiss me in the first place,” Taehyung smiles, brushing their noses together. “So, just know that nudity is just that. Two people without clothes. It can lead to something, but it can also just… not,” he chuckles. “And that’s alright!” 

“Why are you so nice to me?” Jeongguk rests his forehead against Taehyung’s shoulder while the water keeps spraying over them, running down their bodies. 

“Well, someone has to since you’re not exactly too nice to yourself most of the time,” he runs his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair. “And since nobody’s been before.”

Jeongguk pulls his head back enough to meet his eyes before he dives in for a kiss. He walks a few steps forward so that they can avoid the direct spray of the shower and kiss without fearing suffocating, and he pulls his arm around Taehyung’s waist to make sure that his back doesn’t hit the cold tiles behind him. 

Very careful not to press him too close or touch him too much, either. 

“You can touch me,” Taehyung whispers against his lips. “You can do whatever you want to me, Guk,” he kisses him again, and Jeongguk whines.

“I d—I don’t want to get your hopes up—” 

“Baby, I won’t make you do anything even if you start it. I told you yesterday. " He pulls back enough to look into your eyes. “You want to touch me?” he asks, and Jeongguk gulps, nodding. “Then touch me. I won’t… I won’t demand anything more than what you’re willing to give,” he reminds him. And maybe Jeongguk did need the reminder.

After all, as he told Taehyung last night after their incident, he’s never had anything like this halfway. It was either all-in or nothing at all. 

He’s never had intimate touches for the sake of touching; he’s never known he was even allowed to touch someone without them expecting something else from him.

The pads of Jeongguk’s fingers trail up and down his back first, their eyes holding each other’s gazes. 

Jeongguk notices that Taehyung’s skin breaks into goosebumps at the contact, and it makes him smile. 

“Are you cold?” he asks. After all, the water isn’t hitting him anymore. It’s only spraying down Jeongguk’s back. 

“A little,” Taehyung admits, and Jeongguk pulls from him so that he’s under the water again, and he sighs in relief. “Thanks.” Jeongguk hums in response and keeps brushing his fingers against his skin, drawing shapes and watching as Taehyung’s eyes close the lower his fingers get, mouth opening slightly and letting the water slip past his lips. 

“You’re so beautiful, you know that?” Jeongguk can’t help admitting as he admires him, hands holding his waist before Jeongguk dares to go lower, grabbing his ass and squeezing it. 

Taehyung hums, biting his lower lip, and opens his eyes to look at Jeongguk.

His eyes are bottomless pits of lust and pleasure, and Jeongguk wants nothing more than to dive into them. 

But that would ruin the entire purpose of taking it slow, and although he knows that he’s the one that set up that rule in the first place, no matter how much he’d like to take everything Taehyung is willing to give him right here and right now, he knows that he needs this.

He needs slow. 

He needs to discover his wants and his needs. 

So all he does is pull him closer to kiss his lips again, slow, sensual, too much tongue and spit that gets washed away by the shower. 

Both their hips rock, searching for more, and the feel of Taehyung’s hard cock brushing against his is something that might become too hard to fight against. 

“I liked that,” Jeongguk admits, nudging against Taehyung’s neck and feeling the vibrations on it when Taehyung chuckles.

“Trust me, I did, too,” he scratches Jeongguk’s scalp. “Maybe we should turn off the shower if we’re going to keep making out instead of showering,” he laughs. 

“Nah, come here, let me wash you,” Jeongguk pulls back enough to reach for his shower gel and pours some on his hands.

“I was right, you are a gentleman,” Taehyung smiles and lets himself be washed. Jeongguk is incredibly careful, but he leaves the most intimate areas to Taehyung. Not trusting himself to do it. Taehyung seems to understand, and Jeongguk has to bite his own lips when Taehyung wraps his hands around his own cock to wash himself and can’t help but let out a slight moan. 

“Next time, I’ll do it,” Jeongguk promises, and Taehyung just smiles, stepping back into the spray to wash the soap off. 

“For now, just do my hair,” Taehyung smiles and drops a quick kiss on his lips. 

“Alright, deal. I’m sure you’re dying to do mine,” he chuckles, and Taehyung smiles. 

“I do love your hair,” he admits, running his fingers through it again. “Pass me the shampoo, I’ll get you started,” he offers, and Jeongguk reaches out to give it to him. “Turn around,” he instructs. 

“And stop seeing your pretty face?” Jeongguk pouts, making Taehyung laugh. 

“ And close your eyes unless you want soap to get in them,” Taehyung turns him himself. 

“Bossy, I like it,” Jeongguk teases and closes his eyes as instructed but gasps when Taehyung playfully slaps his ass. 

“Bratty, I love it,” Taehyung leans in to whisper in his ear before he gets his hands on his hair. 

His eyes might be closed, but his smile is spread wide for the rest of their shower. 

Taehyung is by the piano, and Jeongguk is lying on the couch reading the song from the other night. The song that he’s decided to call Vortex, and they’re trying to figure it out together.

“I think you played it like this, no?” Taehyung turns to face Jeongguk and plays the melody. 

“Yeah, I think those were the chords, but you can, like… make it sound fancier if you want,” he chuckles. After all, all Jeongguk did at the time was use three-note chords.

“I actually think the simplicity of it worked for the song,” Taehyung admits and plays the same pattern that Jeongguk had. “Maybe it can build as it goes?” 

Jeongguk agrees to that. 

He’s got this vision for the song, this big ending with all of them coming together, with Namjoon’s cymbals, Hoseok’s bass, Seokjin’s electric guitar, and, of course, Taehyung’s piano. 

Not sure how exactly he’s going to explain it to the rest and bring it to life, but he’ll try. 

“Hello, hello!” Jeongguk turns to face the door and sees Seokjin come in. “Oh, what a surprise, it’s you two working over hours,” he chuckles and lifts a plastic bag. “We brought coffee and some sweet treats!” 

“Oh, bless you, hyung,” Jeongguk smiles and stands to welcome him and pick up the bag from him. 

“Please, tell me you brought me something other than coffee,” Taehyung sighs, turning on the stool to face them. 

“Who do you think we are?” Hoseok laughs. He’s the one that’s carrying the drinks, and the scent of hot chocolate almost engulfs the one of coffee. 

“I love you so much, wow,” Taehyung giggles and gets his cup and brings Jeongguk another. 

“Thanks, Tae,” he smiles and almost leans in to kiss him. 

Shit, maybe they should’ve talked about what they were going to tell the rest before they all joined them, but I guess it’s too late now. 

“Where’s Namjoon?” Seokjin asks, sitting down on the couch. 

“I’ll let him know that you guys arrived,” Taehyung takes out his phone and texts the groupchat. “How was Seoul?” 

“Busy as usual,” Seokjin groans. “I can’t believe they had me drive all the way back just because most of the people working on the same project as I am right now are completely useless, and they couldn’t even afford to give me a month off…” 

“I mean, you are quite indispensable, hyung,” Namjoon points out as he walks into the building.

“One second in, and you’re already getting on my nerves,” Seokjin rolls his eyes, and Jeongguk can’t help but laugh. 

“What about your sister, hyung?” Jeongguk asks Hoseok. 

“Oh, she’s great! She lives abroad, so it’s not often that we get to see her, but it was nice to spend a few days with her, so I’m glad we chose to go,” he picks up his guitar and starts making sure it’s tuned. 

Jeongguk notices that it seems to be almost like a nervous habit since he always does the same thing, even though there’s a very high chance that the strings haven’t moved in two days. 

“What about you guys? What did you do all alone in here?” Seokjin asks, looking around, and Jeongguk suddenly finds the vase on top of the mantelpiece very interesting. 

“Jeongguk worked on another song!” Namjoon says, and it’s almost for the best because that way, nobody else gets to speak. 

“We were actually working on it right now,” Taehyung adds, and Jeongguk nods. 

“I told you kids to take a break—I swear, youth these days…” Seokjin clicks his tongue. “Well, let’s hear it, then.” 

“Is it finished?” Hoseok asks. 

“The lyrics are. The music… is still a work in progress,” Jeongguk nods, biting his lip. “I actually showed you the lyrics to this one already because I wrote it months ago. I just… The other night, I couldn’t sleep and found myself here, and the music just… poured out.” 

“This kid is a treasure,” Namjoon shakes his head with a smile that reminds Jeongguk of Yoongi’s back when they started with his first project. 

“Does it have a name yet?” Hoseok asks and Jeongguk nods. For once, he can actually say yes to that question. 

“I called it Vortex,” he nods. “And… yeah, here it goes,” he chuckles nervously and gives Taehyung a look. “You got it?” 

“I got you,” he smiles and nods, turning back again toward the piano and starting slow and simple like Jeongguk wanted. 

He starts singing the lyrics, looking at his notebook just so that he doesn’t lock eyes with anyone, and enjoys the way that Taehyung is starting to build up the memory with each passing verse. 

It’s when he sings the line with the title of the song that Taehyung adds an adlib that takes Jeongguk’s breath away enough that he stops singing. 

“Do that again,” Jeongguk walks to the piano. 

“Do what?” Taehyung turns, confused, as if something had taken over him and he wasn’t aware of what he’d just done. 

“When I sang the line ‘we're spinning out of a vortex,’ you did… something,” Jeongguk chuckles, not sure how to explain it. 

“Oh, this?” Taehyung does it again, and it makes Jeongguk feel like he is somehow in Space, orbiting and seeing the stars burn on the horizon. 

Which is perfect. 

“I want that in,” Jeongguk tells him, and Taehyung nods, smiling, proud of having contributed something. “And I love how it’s building up, too,” he nods. “Alright, sorry guys, kind of broke the moment a bit there,” he chuckles and turns to the rest. “Let’s take it from the second verse, yeah?” 

“Yes, boss!” Taehyung nods and starts to play again, Jeongguk joining in to keep singing. 

It’s when the bridge hits that Taehyung puts more into the music, matching Jeongguk’s words, his energy, and his pain, all of it climaxing before the quiet final words of the song. 

“Holy fuck, if you guys had told me that this was in store, I would’ve driven faster,” a voice from the door makes them all turn, and Jeongguk gasps when he spots Yoongi by the door.

“Hyung!” 

“Looks like you guys are doing pretty good without me after all,” he chuckles, and Jeongguk rushes to hug him. “Hey, Guk.” 

“Why didn’t you tell us you were coming?” he demands, pulling back to look at him. 

“It was a surprise! I wasn’t going to come yet, but Seokjin reached out and said that they were in Seoul and maybe they could pick me up. But I obviously would need a car to get back to the city after the visit, so I just decided to come in my car,” he shrugs. “Was that a new song? I don’t think it’s any of the ones you sent me, is it?” 

“No, it’s new, we were—I was showing it to the rest,” he nods and turns around to assess their reactions, and they all seem at a loss for words. 

“I think it’s safe to say they loved it,” Taehyung says as he walks toward them and hugs Yoongi as well. “Good to see you, hyung,” he says. “Make sure you don’t forget anything before you leave, this time,” he glares at him, and Jeongguk almost wants to thank Yoongi for his silly mistake because, if not, who knows if his relationship with Taehyung would be what is right now.

“Oh, well, lucky for you, this time I’m actually staying the night,” Yoongi chuckles. “Anyone wants to sleep with me?” 

“I mean if you offer it like that…” Seokjin teases him. 

“I’m pretty sure he’s taken, hyung,” Hoseok laughs along, and Jeongguk turns to look at Yoongi wide-eyed. 

“Not—Not like that, hyung, and no, I am not taken either, just—” he seems to be overwhelmed. “You know what, I’ll just sleep in my car, it’s fine—” 

“You can sleep in my apartment,” Taehyung offers. “It’s not like I’ll be using it anyway,” he chuckles, and they all turn to look at him, including Jeongguk. 

“And why not?” he asks. 

“Well, I’m sleeping with Jeongguk.” 

There goes their conversation, then.

“You’re what?!” Yoongi gasps.

“What the fuck?” Hoseok barks a laugh. 

“Tae—” 

“Not like that!” he’s quick to reassure. “God, you guys are horrible! We’re not sleeping together we’re just… sleeping in the same bed,” Taehyung clarifies. His eyes meet Jeongguk’s, and there’s a silent ‘ Was that okay?’ hidden between his eyes.

Jeongguk just smiles. 

Yoongi is still looking at him with a mix of confusion and concern. 

“No wonder you guys didn’t leave the apartment,” Namjoon chuckles, shaking his head from the drumset. 

“So that’s what your late-night adventures were? I knew it!” Seokjin claps, and Jeongguk just sighs. 

“We’re not having sex. We just—”

“We kiss a little and talk a lot,” Taehyung finishes for him. 

“Yes. That,” he nods. “Can we please not make it weird?” 

“Why would we make it weird? Do you guys need a room right now?” Hoseok chuckles, and Taehyung shoots him a glare. “I’m sorry. It’s honestly fine, like, why would we have anything to say about this?” he smiles.

“I, for one, am in favor because I know damn well Taehyung will never make you feel like the douche from your songs,” Seokjin shrugs, and Jeongguk’s chest feels the words stab him. He knows it’s true, too, but to have someone else say it feels… reassuring. 

“And I’m glad you guys are talking a lot, too, because that is important,” Namjoon nods. 

“Speaking of talking… Guk, can I talk to you outside for a sec?” Yoongi asks, and for a second, he feels like he’s about to get grounded or sent to detention in school. 

“Yeah, sure,” Jeongguk nods, and when he walks past Taehyung, their fingers brush almost like they were in a period piece where they’re star-crossed lovers not allowed to be together. “Before you say anything, I just want to say that—” 

“I’m not going to say anything,” Yoongi interrupts him. “I mean, I am going to say something, but mostly, I just want to ask if you’re okay.” 

“I am,” Jeongguk nods. “And I know why you’re worried. I know that it’s too soon still and all, but it just… sort of happened.” 

“Does he know?” Yoongi asks. “Have you talked to him about Andrew at all?” 

“Yeah,” Jeongguk nods. “That’s part of the lots of talking part. He knows. It’s not like I could keep much from him to begin with since that first night while we were waiting for you to call or text us about his code, Andrew called, and Taehyung picked it up thinking it was you.” 

“Oh, shit,” Yoongi looked as horrified as Jeongguk had been when hearing his voice. “What did he want?” 

“What he always wants,” he chuckles. “He was drunk, too… Blamed me for it as usual, and I… I kinda broke.” 

“I swear to God, if I ever see that guy again, I’m running him over with my car,” Yoongi mumbles and Jeongguk can’t help but smile a little at his hyung’s protectiveness. “You know he was wrong, right? I’m sure Taehyung told you as much.” 

“He did, yeah,” Jeongguk smiles. “He’s been… incredibly nice and understanding and sweet and just so… so fucking great, hyung. I don’t know, I guess I’m still figuring out most things about myself, but being around him makes me feel much more like me than I’ve felt in… as long as I can remember,” he admits with a chuckle. “Is that insane?” 

“As someone who’s known both of you for a few years now… I don’t think so,” Yoongi’s smile is so comforting. “I knew you and Taehyung would get along well I guess I could only hope that something like this would happen,” he chuckles. “He’s a great guy, Guk, and so are you. I’m not going to give either of you the ‘don’t hurt him’ talk because I know it’s not in your nature to do it, but I just want you to be careful not to hurt yourselves, yeah? And keep the communication going because I know you have a lot to get through still, but I’m sure he does, too.” 

“So what you’re saying is… that you’re happy for me,” Jeongguk smiles, and Yoongi sighs. 

“Of course, I’m happy for you. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to wake up?” And although he doesn’t elaborate further, Jeongguk knows. 

He knows how much he and Jimin especially have been waiting for this day. 

For the day when Jeongguk might finally be able to say that his story with Andrew is over. 

Hell, he’s pretty sure that he might talk about it behind his back, and he wouldn’t blame them. 

“Should we get back inside and finish your song, then?” Yoongi puts his arm around Jeongguk’s shoulder to pull him back enough to mess his hair a little. 

“Yeah, let’s go,” he chuckles and opens the door for them. 

“You do look happier, Guk. I’m so glad.” 

Jeongguk is glad, too.

Jeongguk is trying to convey his vision for the musical aspects of the song while Yoongi works on the mixing of the other two that they have already recorded in another room. 

It’s proving harder than he thought it would be. 

“I just want it to sound like… I don’t know, like a meteor shower?” Jeongguk chuckles, feeling frustrated because he’s not sure how to say it. 

“Sing the final chorus,” Taehyung tells him. “See if we can… go from there.” 

“Alright,” he nods, and Taehyung plays the light notes as Jeongguk sings the words and waits. 

“Meteor shower, you said?” Taehyung asks before he starts playing a melody. Jeongguk takes out his phone to record it, just in case. 

“Uh, that’s good, Tae!” Hoseok encourages him as Taehyung keeps going and adds a baseline that sounds to Jeongguk like the meteors colliding, which is what he wants. 

“Yes, yes, now—hyung, Seokjin hyung, give me a—” he starts trying to figure out the chord he wants, but Seokjin plays it before he can. “That!” he chuckles, and Taehyung’s melody keeps getting more and more intense, and, this time, Namjoon joins in as well with the cymbals. 

Jeongguk vocalizes over it all, closing his eyes and feeling the vastity of the moment engulf him, as if he were, indeed, spinning out inside of a vortex, ready to be swallowed by the nothingness of the universe that happens when Taehyung’s melody slowly drifts until there’s nothing left. 

“Did we get it?” Namjoon asks, holding the cymbals to quiet them. 

“I think we fucking got it,” Jeongguk chuckles, feeling like he could scream in excitement. “That was amazing!” he rushes to Taehyung. “You are amazing,” he holds his face and kisses him. 

Right there. 

In front of everyone else. 

He doesn’t care. 

And Taehyung kisses him back, smiling against his lips. 

“Do we get a kiss, too?” Hoseok chuckles once they separate. “Cause I wouldn’t mind.” 

“Too fucking bad,” Taehyung sticks his tongue out to him and presses another kiss to Jeongguk’s cheek. 

“You know, as weird as this is, I don’t hate it,” Seokjin chuckles, still looking at them. “Makes me feel lonely as fuck, but that’s life.” 

“You’ll find some—” 

“Shut the fuck up,” he laughs. “I’m fine.” 

“Should we show Yoongi?” Namjoon suggests, and Jeongguk nods, rushing to the door to show Yoongi the video of the outro. 

Turns out, this might become the best idea Jeongguk’s had in his life, after all. 

They ended up ordering some food and eating it at the studio while they recorded Vortex properly, with Yoongi directing it and making sure that everything went well. 

They decided to record it the same way Taehyung and him recorded Song 2 to make sure that they could all bounce off each other’s energy even though most of the time it was only Jeongguk and Taehyung featured until the end, but the takeaway Korean food tastes like heaven after the hard work. 

And Taehyung’s lips taste even better after they all retreat to their respective apartments, Yoongi taking Taehyung’s as promised and Taehyung joining him. 

“What a productive day, huh?” Taehyung smiles against his lips. 

“I can’t believe you told everyone about us so easily,” he chuckles. 

“You’re not mad, are you?” he pulls back enough to look at him, and Jeongguk can’t help the smile. 

“Of course not,” he brushes his nose against his. “I was just surprised. I meant to ask you about it before we went, but I forgot and—” 

“I just didn’t want to keep it a secret from them,” Taehyung tries to explain, and Jeongguk can see that he seems a bit anxious about it. 

“Tae, baby, it’s okay, really,” Jeongguk holds his face to look into his eyes. “I wanted to tell them, too.” It takes the intensity of Jeongguk’s gaze for Taehyung to believe his words, but eventually, he nods. “Should we head to bed? The tension from recording drained me.” 

“Sounds good to me,” he pecks his lips quickly before he starts walking to the bedroom. “Oh, wait, actually, I’ll be right back,” Taehyung chuckles. “I’m gonna go to my apartment and get some clothes for tomorrow and my toothbrush.” 

“Alright,” Jeongguk nods. “Leave the door open; I’m gonna go to the bathroom in the meantime.”

Taehyung kisses his cheek before he rushes out of the apartment, leaving the door open, and Jeongguk heads to get into his pajamas and brush his teeth as well. 

“I’m back!” Taehyung sings before Jeongguk hears the door close. “Bathroom still? Can I come in?” he asks. 

“I’m brushing my teeth,” Jeongguk tries to say, but with the foam in his mouth, it is hard to understand much. 

“Scoot, then, I’ll keep you company,” Taehyung chuckles, hitting his hip with his own, and starts brushing his teeth as well. 

The reflection in the mirror makes Jeongguk smile, the domesticity of it. 

He finishes before Taehyung, but he still waits for him to finish so that they can head to the room together. 

“Thank God Yoongi hyung stole my room. Otherwise, I might not have been able to sleep here tonight,” Taehyung chuckles, opening the bed and sliding under the covers. 

“Why not?” Jeongguk frowns. 

“I mean, if you wanted me to…” Taehyung smirks. 

“Actually, I think I’d rather sleep alone—” Taehyung’s lips are on his before he can finish, kissing Jeongguk’s smile more than his lips this time. “Yeah, not a chance,” he shakes his head and kisses Taehyung properly, the softness of the mattress giving under their weight. 

“Careful, I might get used to this,” Taehyung smiles, reaching over to switch the light off. 

“Oh, no. Whatever shall I do?” He throws the cover over them and pulls Taehyung into his arms. 

And in between giggles and embraces, the night takes them away. 

Chapter Text

They have been working on the album for three weeks, now. And their life has become a routine that Jeongguk knows he’s going to miss when they split and go their separate ways, going back to their previous lives before they began this adventure together. 

He would say that the album is eighty percent finished, which gives him a feeling of vertigo if he thinks about it too much. Not just because of the fact that he will need to go back to his life once it’s over but mostly because it’s a scary feeling to think about the fact that the world might hear all the songs that they’ve made. 

But, at the same time, he’s excited. 

He is so incredibly proud of the songs he and the band have created together, he loves the sound of them, the truth behind his words. It feels exactly how he’d envisioned. It is exactly the kind of album he’d always dreamed of doing, and now he’s doing it. 

And now, it’s almost done. 

Jeongguk is looking through the window, seeing how the leaves of the trees have started to fall and decorate the ground as the temperatures have dropped, too. 

He also got used to the view and he’s sure he’ll miss it once he goes back to LA and the only view from his window is another set of apartments on the other side of the street. 

Jeongguk takes another sip of his now lukewarm coffee and sighs. 

“I was wondering where’d you snuck out to,” Jeongguk hears before he feels two arms wrap around his waist and a kiss press against his bare shoulder. 

And that is something else that Jeongguk is getting used to and something else he’s terrified of having to maybe say goodbye to once the process is over. 

“Good morning, baby,” Jeongguk smiles, seeing their reflection in the window. Taehyung’s eyes are still closed, sleepily hugging him. “Missed me?” 

“The bed is cold without you,” he whines and tries to pull from Jeongguk to go back to the bedroom. 

“Maybe if you wore more clothes…” Jeongguk giggles, turning around in his embrace and seeing Taehyung’s bare chest. He runs his fingers up and down his skin and makes him shiver. 

“You took it off me,” Taehyung accuses and Jeongguk just bends down to kiss his lips. 

“You looked like you were hot last night,” he whispers against his lips before delivering another kiss. 

“Only last night? Thought I looked hot every day,” Taehyung tries to tease, finally opening his eyes and Jeongguk’s smile grows. 

“Mhm, you do,” he nods and Taehyung’s arms around his waist pull him even closer. 

“Come back to bed,” he begs, pressing his lips against Jeongguk’s torso, now. “We still have a few hours before we need to be at the studio and you kept me up last night,” he whines and Jeongguk laughs. 

“ I kept you up? You were the one who kept saying ‘one more episode’.” 

“Yes, but you enabled it!” he pouts and Jeongguk just shakes his head, incredibly endeared, and finishes his coffee in one gulp and puts the cup down by the window sill. 

“You are such a baby,” he sighs before picking Taehyung up in his arms, earning a yelp from him before he wraps his hands around his neck tightly but he lets himself be carried. Once they’re back in the bedroom, Jeongguk carefully puts Taehyung down on the bed and jumps over him to spoon him. 

“Mhm, much better,” Taehyung hums as he makes himself comfortable in his arms, slotting in between Jeongguk’s arms as if they’d both been crafted to fit. “Wake me up when we have to go,” he slurs, and Jeongguk almost giggles at how easy it is for him to fall asleep. So, as a response, all Jeongguk does is hum and place a kiss on his head. 

Things have been… incredible with Taehyung. 

Jeongguk isn’t sure why he’d ever settle for anything that didn’t feel even half as good as this, but all he knows is that he will never do it again. 

Taehyung has taught him so many things during these three weeks. So many things about himself that he never even knew and so many things about the world, too. 

They’ve talked a lot and Taehyung has been incredibly patient with Jeongguk. He’s listened, he’s held him whenever the nightmares would return, and he’s helped him accept the fact that in order to move on, sometimes one has to go through whatever it was that happened. 

He has helped him accept that the songs that he needed to write might be painful, but Jeongguk feels like his shattered heart has slowly been put back together.

The scars and fractures are still visible, but they will serve as a reminder of what he never wants to go through again. 

When it comes to the physical aspects, they still haven’t gone past kisses and fleeting touches here and there. Taehyung hasn’t ever pushed Jeongguk past the limits they’ve set and never ever made him feel bad or guilty about them, either. 

It’s been incredibly reassuring. 

And it’s not like they haven’t had chances or it’s not like Jeongguk hasn’t wanted to, either, because he does. 

He does. 

But there’s a certain softness, a certain safety about taking things slow. And, after both of their past relationships, Jeongguk thinks it’s good that they’re both taking it slow enough until they’re both certain of what they want rather than just going for it and then losing everything. 

But Jeongguk is… so happy. 

When Yoongi suggested him to come, never in a million years did Jeongguk imagine that he could end up like this. 

Mainly because he wasn’t sure if he could love someone again. Or love someone at all. 

And, although it might be too soon to say, Jeongguk feels like he’s starting to. 

He remembers one of the first conversations he had with Taehyung where he asked him if he’d ever been in love and how it felt. 

Jeongguk admitted that, to him, to be in love with Andrew had meant being terrified, being on edge and consumed in the worst way. He admitted that the butterflies and the light he’d felt at the beginning soon faded into nothing but dust and ashes.

But he feels them now again. He feels them every time Taehyung smiles at him. He feels them with every kiss, with every touch. He feels them whenever Taehyung plays a melody for him that matches exactly what he’d envisioned even before he even tells him. He feels them now, as he holds him tight and he sleeps. 

And he understands now why people write songs, write books, and make movies about this feeling. 

He thinks he might want to write them, too. 

And as Taehyung’s breathing deepens, Jeongguk starts. 

Today’s a special day. 

They decided to film a special clip to add to the documentary that they’ve been filming throughout the process where they perform all the songs they’ve got as if it were a concert and Jeongguk is a bit nervous. 

In fact, he left Taehyung to get ready while he headed to the studio first just to warm up his voice and try to do some meditation before they start so that he can calm down, but it doesn’t seem to be working. 

Although there’s not an actual audience there to see them, it’s the first performance that he’s going to give since he canceled the tour and that alone feels like a burden in its own right. 

The studio is empty so he picks up his guitar and starts playing one of his comfort songs. Closing his eyes and breathing in and out with every chord he plays. 

There, that helps. 

He’s still playing when a voice startles him.

“Still playing that song, I see,” there’s amusement in the tone and Jeongguk almost drops the guitar. 

“Hyung?!” he gasps, standing up and seeing his best friend for the first time in what feels like forever. “What are you doing here?” he chuckles and puts the guitar down to run to Jimin’s arms which are already open for him. 

“Someone told me you might need a camera guy?” he chuckles as he hugs Jeongguk. “You’ve gotten bigger since the last time I saw you, how’s that fair?” 

“I’m not bigger, hyung, you’re just used to hanging out with Yoongi hyung who is… petite, just like you,” Jeongguk teases him and gets a punch to his arm. 

He’s missed this.

“I mean it, though, you’re… you look healthier, Guk,” he smiles, looking at him and Jeongguk tries to remember when was the last time Jimin actually saw him in person and it’s no wonder that he’s surprised. 

It had been a very bad time for Jeongguk. The break-up had hit him pretty hard that time to the point where he was barely eating anything and to the point where Jimin almost declined the incredible offer to tour with his company because he feared that something might happen to Jeongguk if he left for too long. 

Jeongguk reassured him that he’d be fine and, just so that he could see his best friend achieve his dream, he tried pulling himself together. 

He managed, in the end. 

“I am,” Jeongguk smiles. “I am happy, too.” 

“So I’ve heard,” he crosses his arms. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” 

“I did tell you!” Jeongguk laughs. “I made sure to tell you before Yoongi hyung’s gossipy ass could run and tell you first!” 

“But you should’ve told me the second it happened!” Jimin complains and Jeongguk squints at him. “Alright, fine, I deserve that look.” 

“Exactly,” he nods. “But I didn’t want to tell you before because… well, I was a bit scared, to be honest. And I knew your gossipy ass would tell Yoongi too and he’d freak out.” 

“Did he freak out when you told him?” Jimin asks. 

“Not really,” he admits.

“I can’t wait to meet him, honestly. From what you’ve told me, he sounds great.” 

“He is great,” Jeongguk can’t help but smile and there’s a fondness in Jimin’s gaze. “I think you two will really get along.” 

“Oh, I have no doubt,” Jimin giggles and pulls Jeongguk again into a hug. “It’s so good to see you.” 

“You too, hyung,” Jeongguk shares his sentiment and sighs. He’s missed Jimin’s hugs so much. “Let’s try to meet more often next year, yeah?” he chuckles. 

“As long as we’re in the same country, I’m all for it.” 

“Are you staying in Korea?” Jeongguk asks. 

“For now, yeah. My scholarship is ongoing still so I have no plans to go back to the States just yet,” Jimin tells him. “What about you?” 

And that is something that Jeongguk still hasn’t given much thought to. 

Where he’s going to go after they finish the album. 

“I… I don’t know yet,” he admits. “I mean, I’ll have to go back to the States eventually to go to the company and prepare everything about the album and such, so…” 

“Right,” Jimin nods. Jeongguk knows his best friend well enough that he knows that he wants to ask him about Taehyung, but the knowledge goes both ways and Jimin knows that it wouldn’t go well for them if he asked it, so he stays quiet. 

Jeongguk appreciates it.

“Well, just so you know, you can stay at my place whenever you come visit,” Jimin suggests with a smile.. 

“Won’t it be occupied? Speaking of—Where’s Yoongi hyung? Or did you come on your own?” Jeongguk asks since Yoongi was supposed to come as well to help them with all the production department of the recording.

“He went to leave our things inside. Said he wanted to give us a minute for our reunion,” he chuckles. 

“So, what’s that all about?” Jeongguk asks, brows risen. “You and hyung.” 

“Oh, well, y’know,” Jimin blushes and shrugs. Jeongguk’s not used to seeing that look on his friend’s face so he can’t help but laugh.

“Do I?” he teases him.

“Are you really going to make me say it?” Jimin whines. 

“I mean, given the fact that you both kept it from me for months, I think I deserve to punish you a bit for it, wouldn’t you say?” 

“Fine,” Jimin groans. “I like him. I like him a lot. I don’t know how he feels because we are much more… physical than verbal, if you know what I mean—” 

“Hyung, please,” Jeongguk shakes his head. 

“You wanted to know!” 

“Not that!” Jeongguk laughs. “I just want to know if you two are together or not.” 

“Kind of,” Jimin shrugs and Jeongguk squints his eyes. 

“Kind of? And you’re happy with that?” he asks. 

“I’m—I just like him so much,” Jimin turns around to make sure that there’s no one listening in. “And if he’s not ready for more, then… I’m fine with that.” 

“Talk to him, hyung,” Jeongguk sighs, squeezing his shoulder. “Trust me, a good conversation sometimes can be better than sex,” Jeongguk laughs. 

“I mean, I don’t know the sex you’ve been having lately but… I’m not that sure,” Jimin laughs when Jeongguk groans again. 

“Well, I haven’t been having any, so,” Jeongguk admits and Jimin looks stunned. “What? I told you,” he chuckles. 

“I mean, I know, but I thought that ever since you told me, you two would have…” 

“Nope,” he shakes his head. “I’m still waiting.” 

“For what?” Jimin asks and Jeongguk knows that he’s not saying it to upset him. 

“I… I don’t know,” he admits. “I feel like I’m still trying to prove to myself that I don’t need sex to have a relationship, you know?” he asks and Jimin presses his lips together. “It’s not—I don’t mean it because of you, hyung, you can do whatever you want, it’s just—” 

“I know, Guk, I know what you mean,” Jimin reassures him. “It’s not the same either, what you had with Andrew wasn’t… It wasn’t just sex, it was—” Jimin can’t seem to find the words to describe it and, honestly, Jeongguk doesn’t think that he knows how he would do it, either. “But I hope that you know that you can. Taehyung isn’t Andrew and he won’t—he won’t hurt you.” 

“You don’t know him yet, though,” Jeongguk tries to lighten the mood. 

“And I don’t need to. I’ve never seen you look this happy. Whoever it is that’s making you feel like this can’t be bad.” 

“He is helping me but I think… I think the reason why I’m so happy is me.” Jeongguk admits in a whisper. “I am starting to finally stop believing the lies that I’d always accepted as reality from him, you know?” 

“That’s—That’s amazing, Guk, I—” he stutters, pulling Jeongguk close again and hugs him even tighter. 

“Are you crying?” Jeongguk chuckles when he hears Jimin sniffle. 

“Yes, I’m crying! You—I’ve been so worried about you, you brat! You wouldn’t listen to me and I didn’t know how to help you and—” Jeongguk tightens the hug even more to the point that Jimin grunts to let go because he can’t breathe. 

“Thank you, hyung. And I’m sorry for having put you through all of that with me,” he smiles and Jimin just shakes his head. 

“Don’t apologize. I’m just glad it’s over.” 

Jeongguk nods because it is. 

It’s over. 

The rest of the band eventually joins them and Jeongguk introduces Jimin to everyone. He can’t help but laugh at the way they all look at Yoongi right after to nod as if they approve of Jimin, too. 

It’s cute. 

Taehyung is the last one to arrive and Jeongguk almost goes back to their apartment to retrieve him, but when he walks in through the door, he sees why it took him so long. 

He looks absolutely dazzling. 

“Here to steal the spotlight, Tae?” Hoseok teases him and Jimin turns from where he was talking to Namjoon to the door to look at Taehyung. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it!” Taehyung chuckles and walks to Jeongguk who looks stunned. “Is this too much—” Jeongguk pulls from his hand to capture his lips to quiet him. 

“You look incredible,” he praises against his lips. “Maybe I should’ve let you do my makeup after all,” he chuckles since Taehyung did offer. 

“You don’t need it,” he smiles. “I’m just glad you let me do your hair.” 

“Always,” he kisses him again, almost forgetting that they are most definitely not alone in the room. “Oh, hyung, there’s someone you have to meet,” Jeongguk holds his hand and pulls from him to where Jimin is. “Tae, this is Jimin, my best friend.” 

“Oh, the famous Jimin?” Taehyung asks, looking at Jeongguk first and then finding Yoongi a few steps away. Yoongi rolls his eyes and Jeongguk giggles. “It’s so nice to finally meet you!” Taehyung smiles and Jimin hugs him straight away. 

“You too, Taehyung,” Jimin smiles into the hug. “I’ve heard so much about you.” 

“Likewise! I feel like I know you already,” he chuckles. “You dance, right?” 

“I do, yes!” Jimin nods. “Ballet, mostly.” 

“That’s so cool. I used to play for a ballet company years ago,” Taehyung tells him and Jeongguk assumes is safe to leave them alone to speak, so with a kiss on Taehyung’s cheek, he walks back to the rest.

“Are you ready for the performance, Guk?” Seokjin asks. Now that all of them are there, they start making sure that the instruments are ready and that the microphones are set right so that all the music can be heard as well. 

“A bit nervous, but yeah, I’m ready,” he admits, taking a sip from the bottle of water that he brought from the apartment. 

“I can’t wait to hear them all back to back to see if the placement fits,” Namjoon nods. 

After all, they are going to be playing them in the order that Jeongguk decided, and, although something tells him that there are still a few songs left in him to write, Jeongguk thinks that, if the album were to come out just as it is right now, he wouldn’t mind, either. 

“Alright, let’s get started so that we don’t lose light hours,” Yoongi gathers them up. “Places, all of you, so that we can run a few tests before actually recording.” 

“You sound like an actual director, hyung,” Hoseok chuckles as he picks up his guitar and stands on his marked spot. 

There’s a main camera aimed at Jeongguk’s spot but all of them can be seen in the back, too. 

“Fighting, everyone!” Jimin cheers from behind. 

Jeongguk takes a deep breath and thinks of something. 

“Actually, hyung,” he turns to look at Yoongi. “Can you—there’s a synth somewhere, right? Since we don’t have actual strings yet, do you think you can play as well?” 

“Are you sure?” Yoongi frowns. “I’m not sure if I know the songs well enough,” he chuckles. 

“Let’s try,” Jeongguk nods. “If not, you go back to controlling the screens, but I think it might sound good,” Jeongguk nods. 

“Alright, then, let me go get it,” Yoongi nods and heads to one of the other rooms where they have more instruments stored and returns with an electronic keyboard.

“Jimin, I’m gonna need you to—” 

“I know what to do, I’ve seen you at work many times,” Jimin cuts Yoongi off with a smile. “Alright, let’s go!” he nods and heads to the computer to make sure that the microphones are all on and returns to the camera once they have all tested and made sure that the volume is good. 

Jeongguk takes another deep breath before he starts counting down. 

“Three, two, one…” 

Jimin hits record. 

The music starts playing. 

The sun has set as they open a bottle of champagne that Jimin bought from Seoul.

“To Jeongguk!” Taehyung cheers and they all join in before they click their glasses. 

“Someone is probably feeling incredibly upset about the fact that we’re drinking expensive champagne in red plastic cups,” Namjoon chuckles as he drinks. 

“Fuck them and their capitalist views,” Yoongi nods. 

“There he goes again, the people’s hero,” Seokjin chuckles and earning a middle finger from him. 

“Guys, we’re celebrating, come on!” Hoseok giggles. “The recording was a success!” 

“It was,” Jeongguk nods, barely believing it himself. 

After they finished filming, they all watched the whole thing to monitor it and to see if they needed to film it again, but it was perfect. 

Jeongguk almost wanted to post it straight away without a warning and surprise his fans. 

“So, boss, what’s the call? Is it over?” Yoongi asks, now and all eyes are on him. 

“I… I think so,” Jeongguk’s smile is sad, not wanting to let go of the experience, of the memories, of the person he became while being here. “I mean, we still have some touch-ups to do and all but—I do think the setlist is complete, yes.” 

“You did it!” Jimin runs to hug him and Jeongguk chuckles. 

He did it. 

They did it. 

“Let’s fucking go!” Hoseok gets on top of the couch, excited. 

“Alright, enough champagne for you,” Seokjin laughs, taking his cup from him. 

“You did great,” Taehyung whispers to him from where he’s sitting next to Jeongguk. Jeongguk’s got his arm around his shoulder and is writing nonsense in his arm. 

“Thank you,” Jeongguk turns and kisses him softly. “Actually, I—I want to write another song,” he admits but only Taehyung hears him. 

“Hm?” he tilts his head. 

“I want to try writing a song in Korean,” he smiles. “I’ve never done it before and I… I don’t know, I want to challenge myself. I’m not sure if I’ll add it to the album but—just for me,” he shrugs. 

“Is this your way to ask for my help?” Taehyung chuckles a breath away from him.

“I mean, you are native,” Jeongguk smiles.

“So are you,” Taehyung brushes his nose against his. “But I’ll help, yeah. Gladly,” he kisses his cheek. 

“I’ve actually… I have a bit done already,” Jeongguk admits. Although he’s been working on it while Taehyung slept or during his spare time, he’s got some lyrics down. “Remember that dun-dun-dun melody I played that night where you made pasta?” he vocalizes the melody and Taehyung nods. 

“We recorded it, didn’t we?” Taehyung reaches to get his phone out of his pocket and looks for the video. 

They recorded so many ever since they arrived that it’s hard to find it and Jeongguk can’t help the smile that spreads across his face when he sees some of them, remembering the moments where they filmed them and all the laughs they shared together. 

When they make the documentary with all the footage, Jeongguk feels it might become his favorite movie of all time. 

“That one, I think,” Jeongguk presses it and sees himself from the back as Taehyung was walking to him, the melody playing. And when Taehyung set the phone down to face them, Jeongguk sees how utterly gone he looked back then already. 

“I remember wanting to kiss you so bad that day,” Taehyung admits. “You playing piano… did it for me a little,” he chuckles. “And then that massage…” he sighs as if remembering how Jeongguk’s hands felt on him. 

“Should’ve kissed me, then,” Jeongguk shrugs and leans in to do so. 

“What’s that?” he hears Yoongi ask and they both look up.

“Just a melody I came with a few weeks ago,” Jeongguk tells him. “We haven’t used it but I told Tae, I want to try and write a song in Korean.” 

“For the album?” Namjoon asks.

“Not sure, probably not,” Jeongguk shakes his head. He’s not sure the brightness of this melody fits the theme of the album, after all. “But I still want to try, since we still have this place booked for a bit longer.” 

“I love that,” Yoongi smiles. “It’ll be your first one, right?” 

“Yeah,” Jeongguk nods. “But hopefully, not my last.” 

“Well said!” Seokjin nods. 

Neither Jeongguk nor Taehyung are drinking much of the champagne and, as they all tell Jimin stories about the process of creation, the hours bleed into the night until the rest of them are drunk and tired enough to go to their apartment. 

Jimin and Yoongi are staying at Taehyung’s since he hasn’t used it since that first week, and it’s not like he used it much back then, either. 

All his belongings are in Jeongguk’s now, including the keyboard. 

“Ugh, I can’t believe I have to take off my makeup now,” Taehyung groans as soon as they’re back. “Should’ve thought about this before applying it,” he chuckles. 

“You can use my cleanser if you want,” Jeongguk offers. “Didn’t you ran out the other day?” 

“I did, yeah,” Taehyung smiles and pulls Jeongguk in for a kiss. 

“What was that for?” Jeongguk smiles against his lips. 

“Felt like it,” Taehyung shrugs and kisses him again. Jeongguk just hums in approval and puts his hand on the back of Taehyung’s head to deepen the kiss. 

“Are you sleepy?” Jeongguk asks, his index finger running up and down Taehyung’s back. 

“Tired but not sleepy, why?” Taehyung tilts his head and it takes a few seconds for Jeongguk to reply, and, the truth is, he’s considering whether to say what he wanted to say or not. 

“Want to hear what I’ve got?” he asks in a whisper. 

He knows it’s risky. 

He knows that this might backfire and ruin everything, but he doesn’t care. 

He’s past the point of caring at this point and if he isn’t brave enough to say the words, maybe he can try singing them. 

“Always!” Taehyung smiles excitedly. “Should we get into comfy clothes first? Or do you want me to film it for the documentary?” he asks. 

“No, no, I—” he shakes his head. “No filming.” 

“Okay,” Taehyung nods and as Jeongguk walks to the piano, Taehyung pulls a chair from the living room and sits by his side. 

“Alright, I…” Jeongguk gulps. “I still haven’t played it so I’m not sure if the lyrics will fit, but I still want to show you.” 

“Don’t worry, baby,” Taehyung reaches out and squeezes his thigh reassuringly. “Do you remember the harmonies or do you want me to play them?” 

“I think I remember,” he nods. “I’ll let you know if it changes,” he chuckles. “Okay, here we go,” he whispers to himself. 

His heart feels like it’s beating a million beats per second which he knows it’s clinically impossible but someone should study him at the moment. 

He places his fingers on top of the keys and starts playing those same three notes that have been on his mind for almost a month, now. 

And he starts singing. 

“너는 내 삶에 다시 뜬 햇빛, 어린 시절 내 꿈들의 재림. 모르겠어, 이 감정이 뭔지, 혹시 여기도 꿈속인 건지.” Jeongguk’s voice is a bit more breathy than usual, trying to match the lightness of the melody he’s playing. It’s very simple, too, and he knows that if this song ever ends up becoming something, it will probably need more than just the notes he’s playing, but for now, it will do. 

“꿈은 사막의 푸른 신기루, 내 안 깊은 곳에 a priori, 숨이 막힐 듯이 행복해져, 주변이 점점 더 투명해져.” He closes his eyes as he sings, biting his lips nervously before he adds a bit more melody to the pre-chorus. 

“ 저기 멀리서 바다가 들려, 꿈을 건너서 수풀 너머로,선명해지는 그곳으로 가,” he opens his eyes and turns to Taehyung, holding the notes as he sings the last two lines. “ Take my hands now. You are the cause of my euphoria”. 

Taehyung’s eyes are wide and glassy as he holds his gaze and Jeongguk feels like he’s not breathing until he reacts. 

“Are you a dream?” Taehyung asks, voice breaking as he says it, and the tears slip past his eyes. “You—” he gulps, shaking his head and, before Jeongguk can even register it, Taehyung is kissing him. 

The sound the piano makes when Jeongguk rests his hands on it to stand and be able to kiss him better would have made them laugh if they weren’t so into each other. 

Both of Taehyung’s hands are on his face and Jeongguk wraps his arm around his waist, holding him close. 

“You lit up my life the second you walked into it, too,” Taehyung admits, breathing heavily with his forehead pressed against Jeongguk’s. 

His tears are still falling and Jeongguk leans in to kiss them away, to taste the saltiness in them before he kisses his lips again. 

“You like it, then?” Jeongguk can’t help the teasing tone, brushing their noses together. 

“I love it, I—” Taehyung gulps and pulls back enough to fully look at him. “I love you.”

The static from the keyboard power is the only sound that can be heard after that. Not even their breathing, since none of them seems to be. 

“I’m sorry, I—” Taehyung starts but Jeongguk hugs him so, so tightly. 

“I love you, too,” he admits, pulling back to look at him and his smile erupts, gleaming. “I love you so much,” he chuckles and pulls him in for another kiss, and another one, and two more after that. 

“You wrote a love song for me,” Taehyung says as if he’s trying to get himself to believe it. “You—” 

“You showed me what love is actually like. You made me want to write a love song. A proper one,” he nods. “Because you deserve it.” 

“I already love you! What else do you want from me?” Taehyung chuckles as he keeps crying, trying to cover his face, but Jeongguk moves his hands away and kisses his lips once more. 

“I just… I just want you,” Jeongguk admits with a smile. “If you’ll let me.” Taehyung’s eyes widen, probably trying to make sure he understands what Jeongguk is saying.

So, to reassure him, Jeongguk leans in and kisses him again. Slow and sensual.

“Are you sure?” Taehyung asks and Jeongguk sees in his eyes the anticipation, the patience, and the love that he has for him. And how, if Jeongguk said no, he still wouldn’t leave him. 

But he’s not going to say no. 

Not tonight. 

“Are you?” is all Jeongguk asks because, after all, this isn’t just up to him. 

“Am I—Come here,” Taehyung cuts himself from his disbelief and pulls Jeongguk in, licking into his mouth straight away and moaning at the feeling of Jeongguk’s brushing against his. 

And although they’ve been there before, sharing feverish kisses and hot touches, it somehow feels different. 

His hands unbutton Taehyung’s shirt with ease and attach his mouth to the skin of his chest as Taehyung plays with his hair. 

Jeongguk’s tongue finds one of his nipples and flicks it, making Taehyung gasp as Jeongguk’s hands travel lower down his body, fidgetting with the button of his pants. 

“If you touch me, I might die,” Taehyung warns and Jeongguk can’t help but chuckle against his skin before pulling back to look at him. “I’m dead serious.” 

“Should I not touch you, then?” Jeongguk teases, pulling away from him. “Should we just go to bed like we usually do and cuddle?” he starts walking backward to the bedroom, not wanting to break eye contact as if Taehyung were a tiger about to jump over a defenseless gazelle. 

“If that’s what you want…” Taehyung says again, dropping the ball on his court once more. 

Jeongguk stops walking and keeps his eyes on Taehyung as he slowly removes his jersey, too, throwing it to the floor. 

He can’t help but smile when Taehyung breaks eye contact to look at his body. 

“That’s not fair,” he sighs. 

“What’s not fair?” Jeongguk chuckles. 

“You’re so hot, I want to climb you like a fucking tree, Guk,” he admits and Jeongguk can’t help but laugh. 

He’s laughing just as they’re about to possibly have sex. 

And it only makes him even more turned on, for some reason. 

The complicity, the chemistry, the… love. 

He’s never experienced this before. 

Sure, lust and passion was always a given and he won’t deny that it felt good back then, too, but it feels different, now. A good kind. 

“Then what are you doing standing all the way over there?” Jeongguk tilts his head and unzips his pants, lowering them until only his underwear remains and it’s not doing much to mask how he’s feeling. 

Jeongguk catches the moment Taehyung gulps right before he runs to him, colliding with his body and jumping on him, Jeongguk holding him upright, his hands on the back of Taehyung’s thighs while he wraps his around Jeongguk’s waist. 

“You’re going to be the death of me, you know that?” Taehyung whispers against his lips. 

“You keep talking about dying, babe, I’m not sure we should be—” Jeongguk’s giggles are cut by Taehyung’s lips on his, by his hips rolling and making his knees week. “Shit,” he moans, resuming his walk until they’re back in their bedroom and Jeongguk pins Taehyung down in the bed, their lips not breaking for a second as Jeongguk thrusts his hips over Taehyung earning a real moan out of him that Jeongguk swallows as if it had been candy. 

“Take these off,” Taehyung instructs, trying to reach for his pants and Jeongguk abides. 

“Alright,” he nods and starts to leave a trail of kisses down his neck, chest, and down, until he pulls them down, slowly, loving how Taehyung squirms under him, needing him. “Remember the first time I saw you naked?” Jeongguk asks as he pulls Taehyung’s boxers down, too, his hard cock becoming free and Jeongguk’s mouth waters. 

“Shower, yes,” Taehyung can barely speak considering he’s feeling Jeongguk’s breathing against him.

“That night, I imagined myself doing this,” he explains before he licks a stripe from the base of his cock to the tip. 

Taehyung becomes putty in his hands. 

“G–Guk, fuck,” he moans. “I told you, I’m—” 

“Sensitive,” Jeongguk remembers. “I know, I’ll be careful,” he nods and places a kiss on the tip that makes Taehyung whine, too. 

“It’s been so long,” he admits as if Jeongguk would think less of him for anything. 

“I hope it’s worth it,” he smiles against Taehyung’s cock before opening his mouth wide and sinking as far as he can. 

He’s never been the best at giving head, according to someone, but it’s not like he ever got the chance to fully learn or enjoy it. 

Much like everything else, it was almost a chore. It was… a requirement.

But Taehyung’s moans are encouraging him, his hands pulling his hair are driving him wild and all Jeongguk wants to do is to taste him. To feel him come down his throat and know that it was him who did it. 

He pulls out for a second, giving Taehyung a break and gathering his air back. 

“Good, angel?” he asks and Taehyung makes a pained noise as if he’s offended at the question. 

“Good?! Guk, baby, I’m in fucking heaven, come up here for a second,” he says and Jeongguk does as he’s told, kissing him messy and wild the way he loves it. And the way Taehyung loves, too. “That’s how I taste, huh?” he smirks and sucks Jeongguk’s tongue into his mouth “Kinda want to know how you taste, too.” And he flips them around, caging Jeongguk under his body and sitting fully on him, rolling his hips and making his cock react, hardening even more. 

“Wait, wait, I didn’t—” 

“I’m not coming down your throat in our first time, my love, you can suck me off again later if you want,” Taehyung shakes his head and bends down to kiss him. “In fact, please, do,” he chuckles. 

“Then why did you—” 

“I’ll just get a little taste,” he smiles and pulls Jeongguk’s briefs down, too. 

With his teeth . 

“Permission to touch you?” Taehyung licks his lips, standing still. 

“G-Granted, fuck, ” Jeongguk groans the second Taehyung holds the base of his cock and licks it. 

“Gotta make it wet enough otherwise there’s no fucking shot I’m taking this,” Taehyung lets a dribble of spit fall on the tip and spreads it with his hands making Jeongguk whimper. 

“Am I—” he starts to ask but it dies on his tongue as Taehyung takes him into his mouth and all he can do is moan. 

“Feels good, baby? Because you taste heavenly,” Taehyung pulls back and keeps spreading the mix of saliva and precum along Jeongguk’s length. 

“I’m one second away from combusting into flames, do with that what you will,” Jeongguk admits, trying to focus on his breathing so that he does, in fact, not come on Taehyung’s hand. 

“How I’d love to see that,” Taehyung smiles and lifts himself up to reach his lips again. “But I’d rather you explode in me,” he whispers before he devours him. 

The mix of their tastes shouldn’t be as good as it is, but somehow, it’s sending Jeongguk into overdrive. 

“I’m not sure if I’m gonna last enough,” Jeongguk admits, hands trailing down his body until they’re spreading Taehyung’s ass and swallowing his gasp. “And I’m not sure you can take me without prep.” 

“I could, but I’d rather not,” Taehyung admits. “I can—I can head to the bathroom and do it, if you want—” 

“Why would I want that?” Jeongguk asks with a frown and there’s something in his eyes that makes him stop. “Would you rather t—” 

“No,” Taehyung shakes his head. “No, I want you in me. I want to feel you, I want—No, I need you to make love to me. Fuck me. Whatever, I don’t care,” Taehyung shakes his head but Jeongguk reaches out to hold his face. 

“Tae,” he meets his eyes. “What’s wrong?” Jeongguk asks. “We can stop. We can talk if you want. I’m not the only one allowed to do it, you can, too, you know?” he caresses his cheek as he still hovers over him. 

“I…” he sighs. “I don’t know why this is happening right now,” Taehyung admits, sounding frustrated. “I’m fine with both bottoming and topping. I enjoy both but—” he gulps. “My last… ex, he was a bit—um,” he gulps and sighs, climbing off Jeongguk, but he’s quick to hold him. 

“Stay,” he tells him, not wanting Taehyung to either pull away physically or emotionally. 

“He only was so uncomfortable when it came to… He hated the idea of ever touching my hole or even fucking me. He said he’d rather have me do it because he  was… disgusted by having to eat ass or even finger someone to get them ready.” 

“That’s—” Jeongguk tries to find the words to say but comes up empty. “Are you sure he liked sex at all?” Taehyung smiles a bit. 

“He did. Ended up cheating on me and I caught him fucking someone else, so it kind of made me think the problem had been me,” he admits and Jeongguk’s heart breaks. “I know now that he was just a fucking dick and there’s nothing wrong with me but sometimes I still—I still prefer to prep myself just to avoid feeling like that ever again.” 

“How long has it been?” Jeongguk asks. 

“Since I’ve had sex?” Taehyung tries to guess.

“Since you’ve bottomed,” he rephrases and Taehyung takes a few seconds to reply. 

“Two years, maybe three,” he admits. “So you could say I am rusty in that department,” he chuckles a bit nervously. “And if you prefer to, I don’t mind topping. Trust me, I very much would like to feel your walls suffocate me. I told you, I’ve pictured fucking you against the piano at the studio many times—” 

“Tae,” he reaches out to hold his face and quiet him. “I’m going to eat you out. I’m going to finger you open and I’m going to make love to you the way you deserve,” he looks into his eyes. “And later you can fuck me against the piano if you want, I’m kinda curious,” he admits. 

“You’ve never bottomed before?” Taehyung asks surprised. “Oh, baby, you’re gonna love it, ” his smile returns to his face. “I hope. If you don’t, I don’t mind b—” 

“I’ve always wanted to try but I guess I’m glad I never did before,” he leans forward, brushing his thumb across Taehyung’s skin. “Kinda want it to be with you.” 

“Against the piano?” Taehyung winks, licking Jeongguk’s lips. 

“Or in the shower, or on the couch, or in Yoongi’s car, I don’t give a fuck as long as it’s you,” Jeongguk admits wholeheartedly and Taehyung leans in and captures his lips in a kiss that’s so sweet Jeongguk can’t help but smile through it. 

“Thank you,” Taehyung whispers against his lips. “Thank you.” 

“Thank you,” Jeongguk whispers back and kisses him. “Now, hold on tight,” Jeongguk smirks before he turns them around in one swift movement, erupting a laugh from Taehyung as his back hits the mattress once more. “Good thing I didn’t eat that much dinner,” Jeongguk smiles and lifts his hands to slot two fingers inside Taehyung’s mouth who sucks and wraps his tongue around them lewdly, eyes fixed on Jeongguk as he does, coating them. “I’m going to have a fucking feast,” he chuckles as he slowly massages the sensitive ring of muscle with one finger. 

Taehyung whimpers and clenches involuntarily. 

“Sorry—” 

“Shh, baby, it’s okay,” Jeongguk reassures him, leaving a kiss against his neck before he keeps going lower, his fingers still working, still not pushing past, still not intruding. 

Jeongguk manages to drop a few more kisses on Taehyung’s cock, now slowly hardening again after their little talk and pushes Taehyung’s legs until they’re bent, exposing his ass. 

“Whoever saw this and decided not to eat it is a fool,” Jeongguk speaks as if he’s been possessed by a demon. “And I’m most certainly not,” he uses his hands to spread him and licks straight against his hole, Taehyung gasping and lifting his hips from the bed at the contact. “Let me know if it’s too much, alright?” Jeongguk asks, leaving a kiss against his inner thigh and slowly trying to push his first finger in. 

“A- Ah,” Taehyung gasps and Jeongguk can feel how tight he really is. “Shit, this feels—New, almost,” he admits. “I forgot.” 

“I got you,” Jeongguk reassures him as he slowly leans in and uses his tongue to ease the slide. “I’m right here, baby, I got you,” he repeats as Taehyung’s voice raises. 

At one point, Jeongguk removes his finger and replaces it with his tongue, earning himself a moan from Taehyung that he wishes he could’ve recorded so that he could listen to it for the rest of his life. 

He’s fucking him with his tongue now as he keeps his legs spread. 

“Guk, Guk, baby, fuck, kiss, need a kiss, c’mhere,” Taehyung gasps and Jeongguk pulls back enough to look at him. 

“What? What’s wrong?” he asks, not having gotten the full message. 

“Kiss me,” Taehyung lifts himself up enough to capture his lips, pushing him against the bed. Now they’re upside down but none of them care. “Your tongue is—” he just grunts and sucks it into his mouth again. Jeongguk just lets him, finding his hole again and pushing two fingers in this time, swallowing Taehyung’s gasp.

“There we go, baby. Feels good?” Jeongguk asks, slowly moving his fingers, aware that Taehyung is already toeing the edge. 

“Y-ngh, yes,” he moans, nodding and trying to move his hips to fuck himself against Jeongguk’s fingers. “I want you,” he whispers against his lips. 

“I know, I want you too, but I don’t want to hurt you,” Jeongguk admits, trying to scissor his fingers and seeing how tight Taehyung still is. 

“And I don’t want to come yet!” he whines, wrapping his hand around Jeongguk’s cock as if to make sure he’s also suffering. 

“Then hold it for me, baby,” Jeongguk smiles. “You can, though, and I’ll make you come again, and again, and again…” he pushes another finger in and Taehyung screams. 

“I— fuck, I love you,” he chuckles as if he’s in disbelief at how at Jeongguk’s mercy he is. At how at a loss of control he feels. 

But Jeongguk is no better, because the words alone travel straight to his hard cock, and with Taehyung still holding him, it’s not looking good for him, either. 

“I’m ready,” Taehyung nods, still moving his hips and Jeongguk just kisses his lips. “Guk, I’m serious.” 

“I know,” he nods and presses another kiss on him. “Let me see,” he removes his fingers and wraps them around his length. “Mhm, I think it might still be a bit of a stretch—” 

“Good,” Taehyung moans. “I want to feel you tomorrow,” his sweet smile most definitely does not match his words but Jeongguk kisses it anyway. 

“Are you sure?” he whispers and Taehyung nods, wrapping his legs around Taehyung. 

“How do you want me?” he asks and Jeongguk feels like he might pass out in a second. “On all fours? Over you?” 

“Right here,” he smiles and bends down to kiss him. “Want to see you face, want to kiss you, want to worship you,” he nods and starts to position himself. “I—Wait,” he stops and Taehyung’s eyes open to meet his.

“What?” 

“We—I don’t have any condoms,” he says and Taehyung stays quiet for a few seconds before he burst out laughing. “What? It’s not funny, Tae!”

“Do you think I would’ve waited until this second if wanted to use them?” he asks. “I’m clean, Guk, and I’m sure as hell you are, too. Don’t you get like medical tests every two months?”

“I—Yeah, but—” 

“Then just please make love to me and let me feel all of you,” he begs, his pupils so dilated that he can’t see the hazel in them anymore. 

“Well, if you ask for it like that… how could anyone ever say no to you?” Jeongguk reaches to caress his face, so so tenderly. 

The tip of his cock brushes against Taehyung’s hole and they both hiss. 

“No going back from this,” Taehyung finds his eyes as if to make sure one last time that this is what Jeongguk wants. That he is ready. 

“Take my hand, now,” Jeongguk sings his song from before, reaching to hold Taehyung’s whose fingers easily intertwine with his. 

“I love you,” Taehyung repeats one last time. 

“I love you,” Jeongguk nods and, slowly pushes in, groaning straight away at the tightness around him. 

Yeah, he definitely should have opened him up more. 

“Fuck,” Taehyung groans.

“Does it hurt?” Jeongguk halts but Taehyung is quick to shake his head. 

“No, no, don’t stop,” he wraps the arm that’s not holding Jeongguk’s hand around his neck. “It’s good, I—I like it,” he nods and Jeongguk keeps pushing in, biting his lip to hold himself back from thrusting in one swift motion like he’s used to. 

He wants it to go slow. He wants it to last. He wants Taehyung to feel as good as he is feeling right now. 

“I won’t break, Guk,” Taehyung reminds him. 

“But you’re so tight, I don’t want to hurt you—” 

“You won’t hurt me,” Taehyung cups his face. “You could never hurt me,” he smiles and Jeongguk bends down to kiss his lips, pushing his hips until he’s buried to the hilt.

“Shit, Tae,” he groans against his neck, trying to adjust to the feeling and feeling Taehyung’s erratic heartbeat against his ribcage. 

“I know,” he chuckles. “Perfect fit, huh?” he asks, hands scratching Jeongguk’s back a little while he gets used to it. “Good?” 

“Great,” Jeongguk nods, tentatively pulling back enough to thrust back in and earn himself a moan from Taehyung. 

“God, I missed this,” Taehyung admits and moves under Taehyung, dragging a groan from him. “And it’s even better with you.” 

“We still haven’t started,” Jeongguk chuckles but he bends down to kiss him. 

“It already is,” Taehyung smiles and nods. “You can move, I’m okay,” he encourages him and Jeongguk tries. The drag is so delicious that he fears he might black out for a second before he thrusts back in, hitting home. 

Their hands are still clasped together as Jeongguk starts building the pace, and it doesn’t take too long for them to lose their ability to form coherent words and resort to moans only from how good it feels. 

“I really hope that the walls are soundproof,” Jeongguk groans at one point, burying his face against Taehyung’s neck and biting to keep himself quiet, only for Taehyung to scream even louder. 

“G-God, I’m close, Guk, f–faster,” he moans but Jeongguk’s legs are giving in from the effort. 

He’s also close, and he’s trying to find that spot that he knows will drive Taehyung overboard. 

And it’s after a slight shift and a hard thrust that Taehyung’s body literally bends in half in pleasure, screaming his name and nailing his back to the point that Jeongguk fears he might be bleeding.

He doesn’t care. 

Not when Taehyung’s creating a melody that Jeongguk wishes he could sing to forever. 

“Right there, right there, h—” Taehyung gasps.

“You take me so well, angel,” Jeongguk keeps driving home against that same spot, leaving kisses on his skin and singing praises as he goes until Taehyung erupts, until he clenches around him, painting his stomach white and screaming so loud that no soundproofing will probably save them. 

Jeongguk stills, not wanting to overwhelm him but Taehyung shakes his head.

“F–Fuck me through it,” he begs and Jeongguk tries, but the walls around him are so tight that he’s one thrust away from also coming. “Please, Guk, please, I want you. I want you to fill me up and make me y—” 

“Tae, fuck, I—I love you,” he moans as he feels himself come undone inside Taehyung. And he thinks Taehyung comes again. Or maybe it’s the remains of his previous orgasm but as he fucks himself against Jeongguk’s cock, too spent to move much, Jeongguk keeps moaning his name. 

Eventually, Jeongguk collapses over him, both of them too tired to do much more and Jeongguk, remembering how sensitive Taehyung gets, he tries to pull off, but Taehyung wraps his legs around him, keeping him there. 

“Don’t leave,” he whispers. 

“We gotta wash up, baby,” Jeongguk tries to argue but Taehyung shakes his head. 

“Later.” 

Jeongguk landed on Taehyung’s chest which was full of cum so now they’re both stained. 

And it seems neither of them cares. 

“If we shower together, can I suck you off this time?” Taehyung asks after a while and Jeongguk isn’t sure if he’s asleep or not, but he still laughs. 

“You can do whatever you want with me, baby,” Jeongguk presses a kiss on his lips. “I have something to ask you first, though,” he nuzzles against his skin, and Taehyung just hums. “Be my boyfriend.” 

Taehyung stills under Jeongguk and when he meets his eyes, although Jeongguk was afraid of finding something that might break his heart in them, he just sees… pure joy. 

“Wasn’t I already?” he asks, that teasing tone that Jeongguk loves so much returning. 

“I mean, I hadn’t asked you yet, and neither had you,” Jeongguk chuckles. 

“What is this, the 1800s? I’ve been calling you my boyfriend in my head for weeks,” Taehyung admits. “But yeah, if you want to make it official, I guess I will,” he nods. “I’ll be your boyfriend,” he whispers against his lips before kissing them. 

“Alright, boyfriend, now, you can suck me off in the shower if you want. Or maybe I’ll do you, instead.” Jeongguk smirks. 

“Good thing we have nowhere to be tomorrow because something tells me we’re not sleeping much tonight.” And, in one swift motion, Taehyung rolls them over to sit on Jeongguk’s cock which was still buried inside him and they both moan at the sensation. “Let me ride you, first,” he smirks before bending down and licking the remains of his own cum from Jeongguk’s chest. “And then… we can shower,” he winks and Jeongguk is done for. 

But he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Chapter Text

Today is finally the day. 

After months of preparing, after so many sleepless nights and video calls, today is finally the day that Jeongguk’s album will be released. 

It feels like forever ago that he agreed to leave everything he knew and fly to his home country with one of his best friends in order to try and reconnect with what he feared he’d lost along the way. 

It feels like forever ago that his heart was destroyed to the point that he felt unable to do what he loved more than anything in the world: to sing. 

It feels like forever ago that his adventure started, but it is now coming to an end. 

Or rather, as someone that Jeongguk holds very close to his heart would say, a new beginning. 

It’s almost time and Jeongguk feels like he might throw up. 

He’s in a video call with his team as they all count down the seconds for the clock to strike midnight and for the album to be out everywhere and Jeongguk is freaking out. 

He’s worked so hard on this album and he is certain that, no matter the outcome, he’s always going to be proud of it. He’s always going to be grateful to every single person that’s made this possible and, in a way, he thinks he’s also going to be grateful to Andrew as well. 

Jeongguk hasn’t heard or thought about him in months and, unlike what happened in the past whenever the mere thought of him appeared in his brain, he doesn’t feel anything now. 

He doesn’t feel that fear, that heaviness on his chest at the memories. He’s just… moved on. 

After they finished the album, Jeongguk had to go back to the States for a while. He was scared that, while being there, all the progress he’d made back in Seoul would go down the drain, but it didn’t happen. Nothing happened. 

It had been hard saying goodbye to Taehyung but they still talked every day, even if the time difference was a horror and Taehyung was still incredibly busy with his schedule. 

They hadn’t set any plans together because they both knew that their lives couldn’t be more different, which made their goodbye all the sadder, but Jeongguk still loved him and he made sure to remind him every time they talked.

Once all the preparations and meetings for the album been finalized and Jeongguk didn’t have a reason to stay back in LA anymore, Jeongguk made the decision to go back to Seoul. 

After all, he’d left his heart there, to begin with. 

He still remembers the look in Taehyung’s eyes when he appeared at his doorstep with a bouquet and a suitcase. 

He still remembers how they almost burned down his entire apartment because they knocked down a candle that fell on top of one of Taehyung’s scores, too.

Life with Taehyung has been an adventure and although their bubble shattered momentarily when they left that cabin in the woods, they still made it work. 

Taehyung still taught kids piano and still worked on getting his degree, and Jeongguk still worked on his music. 

He’d been trying to write more songs in Korean since the first one had been such a success.

In the end, they decided not to add it to the album, but instead, release it as a hidden track. 

A hidden track that showed the world that, even after all the pain and suffering he talked about in the album, there was still a light at the end of the tunnel. 

A ray of hope. 

A glint of euphoria. 

“One minute left!” Jeongguk’s manager screams from the other side of the world through his screen. 

And Jeongguk looks around the room, seeing the faces of all the people who made this possible: Yoongi and Jimin holding hands, Namjoon, Seokjin, Hoseok smiling proudly at him and… the love of his life. 

Someone starts to count down the seconds as if they were about to enter a new year and, in a way, Jeongguk feels like he’s about to step into a new life altogether. 

Taehyung’s arms are around his waist, hugging him. 

“I’m so proud of you,” he says even before the clock strikes midnight in the States. 

“And I couldn’t have done any of this without you,” Jeongguk turns to face him. 

“Yes, you would’ve,” Taehyung pushes his chest a little. He’s always trying to remind Jeongguk that he didn’t need Taehyung’s help at all. That the new man he became had always been inside him all along. 

“Fine, yes, I would’ve, but I much rather do it with you,” Jeongguk brushes their noses together. 

“Good, because I’m afraid you’re not getting rid of me,” Taehyung smiles just as those around them scream five, four, three, two, one…

“Happy release day,” Taehyung says before he kisses him. 

And it doesn’t matter that the album doesn’t go number one on the charts. 

It doesn’t matter that the streams are lower than his previous one. 

It doesn’t matter that there are some people who say that they miss the old Jeongguk.
Because his fans love the album.

And, most of all, Jeongguk does. 

He spends hours crying about how his experiences have reached and helped some of his fans recover from similar situations, and it fills his heart with pride to see what he’s accomplished with the help of his friends. 

And, when eventually Jeongguk announces his tour and the tickets sell out and the rooms are filled with people who appreciate him for his artistry and his music, he notices that this had been his dream all along: to sing in front of a crowd who loves and understands him and to go back home to the love of his life who never makes him doubt himself. 

To his best friend who laughs at all his jokes, no matter how silly. 

To his favorite person in the world who will hold him when he’s down and lift him up when he’s happy. 

To Taehyung. 

His Euphoria. 

“I want to dedicate this song to someone very special,” Jeongguk smiles from the stage. He is giving his first concert ever in Seoul. The room is quite small but it makes Jeongguk feel that much more at ease. “I’ve been saving it for this concert because, well… I guess the rest of the world wouldn’t get it,” he chuckles and his fans seem to be realizing what’s about to happen. “As you all know, making this album was a crazy experience and I’ve grew and learned a lot through the process. And, if you guys have watched the documentary that dropped a few days ago, you’ll know that I couldn’t have managed to do this by myself,” he smiles. “So, although technically this song isn’t on the album and technically it isn’t on the set list either… you guys can keep a secret, right?” He teases with a southern accent that Jeongguk has been getting back from hanging out with Jimin more often. 

The room gladly accepts the offer and Jeongguk laughs.

“Alright, then, please, give it up for the best piano player in the world and my favorite, too,” he signals at Taehyung, who is already on the stage. 

All his friends decided to join him for the tour since most of the performances are just like the one that they did back at the studio. Organic and raw. 

Taehyung blushes and mouths I love you to him under the loud cheers.

“This is Euphoria,” Jeongguk announces before the music starts and before he can once again serenade the love of his life.

He’s never been happier and he’s never felt more like himself. 

Maybe his first death was meant to come in order for him to rise back up like a phoenix. 

And as the entire room sings back to him “you are the cause of my euphoria,” Jeongguk swears he’s never felt more alive.