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Chapter Text

Robin the Frog was used to racism. Maybe that was the wrong word, but his classmates sure didn’t like that he was a frog. Even though the loud bullies were small in numbers, he was still painfully aware of how people avoided his eye and whispered when he turned the corner.

That didn’t mean the loud bullies didn’t get to him. He’d been slammed into lockers more times than he could count.

The first time he’d told Kermit about what was going on at school, he’d offered to get Robin into a home school program, it’s not like Robin had friends in his class anyway, right? But home school would mean there was no chance of that changing, so he went back to pretending that nothing was happening. He kept his head down, did his best on his tests, and sat with the other quiet kids at lunch.

He was actually just considering trying to sit at a different table for lunch, maybe the music kids? There was a kid in the grade above him who sang folksy songs and played the guitar, and if anyone was gonna give Robin the time of day, it would probably be her. Alas, that was more a daydream than a plan. Today, he’d take his usual seat with the lunch Swedish Chef made him.

“Don’t forget class, we’ve got our field trip tomorrow.”

Wait, what? Robin looked up from his notebook of doodles. He didn’t remember getting a field trip permission slip. It must have been passed out on one of his sick days. He sat up straighter with a sudden pulse of anxiety, was he going to have to miss it? Maybe he could get Uncle Kermit to sign the slip tonight. Were there even permission slips left? Would his teacher need to print another one? Would the extra time it would take to talk to his teacher and print the permission slip make it so he’d miss his bus? Oh god, there was no way this was going to work. He was gonna miss out on a field trip and end up in the detention hall. He wouldn’t be in trouble or anything, but he’d gotten a concussion a year ago, and he spent every gym class for the next week in the detention hall. Even though he’d never been in there for actual detention, it sure felt like he was in trouble.

Wait. He didn’t need to wait until after school to ask. He could come bug his teacher at lunch break.

He took a deep breath. Everything was fine.

***

“Oh! Robin, I’m so sorry, I thought you knew. We’ve got your permission slip, we’re going to the Muppet Studios. Your uncle signed it when we organized the trip.”

Everything was not fine. Everything was absolutely not fine, not fine at all.

Hours had passed and he still felt as shell-shocked as he had at lunch. When he got back home, he’d booked it to his room, barely acknowledging Miss Piggy as he passed her in the hall. He crawled under his bed, clutching his notebook like it would save him from whatever social torture the next day was going to bring.

You see, Robin the Frog had once tried to say he was related to Kermit the Frog, and he’d been mocked.

“Not all frogs are related Robin, you shouldn’t lie about stuff like that.”

“You think we’d believe that you know the Muppets?”

“You’re delusional Robin.”

Luckily for him, after about two years of not bringing it up, most of his classmates had shifted back into pretending he didn’t exist. Whatever came out of tomorrow, it was one million percent going to put eyes back on him.

And that was going to be a disaster.

***

Before he knew it, he was standing outside the Muppets Studio. Maybe it wasn’t his best idea to completely avoid his uncle for the past 12 hours, as though ignoring his family meant they’d ignore him all day too. That was absolutely not how today was going to go, but a frog could dream.

“Oh Robin.” Someone was standing right behind him. “You must be so excited.”

He turned. “Chrissy, please not today.”

“What’s wrong? I thought you were tight with the Muppets?” Chrissy snickered. “Or did you think your lies wouldn’t catch up to you?”

For a moment, only a moment, he was excited to watch the smile get wiped from her face.

“Okay class.” His teacher had just finished handing out the guest clearance passes. “In a few minutes, one of the stage crew members will come out and get us to start the tour.”

Chrissy leaned in to whisper, “Ready for your world to fall apart?”

“Lunch will be at two.”

Shoot. In his rush out this morning, he’d completely forgotten to pack a lunch.

“And then we’ll watch the dress rehearsal for tonight’s show.”

“Seriously Robin, I hope you have a great time meeting your heroes,” Chrissy whispered again, “I sure hope nobody mentions your little stint to them.”

“Can you leave me alone?” Robin whispered back.

“Remember, we are guests here. It is very important to be on your best behaviour,” his teacher finished.

“Hey, hey, let them have some fun!”

Robin sunk in on himself. Of course the tour guide was going to be somebody he knew.

Scooter was standing in the open entryway, clipboard in hand. “I mean, you do have to be careful, we’ve got a show to run, but you’re gonna get to see some pretty cool stuff today.”

Admittedly, Robin always enjoyed watching Scooter work. He always seemed to know what to do, even when the worst disasters struck. Maybe this was a good omen, maybe Scooter would be too busy preventing complete and total show failure to notice that Robin was among the tour group, or maybe his glasses would get lost. Both options were equally likely.

“So, some rules before we go inside-”

Chrissy leaned in to whisper again. “I bet you couldn’t tell me his name.”

Robin tried to ignore her.

“Or maybe you could, since you obviously have been here before.”

“Excuse me,” Scooter interrupted, “I know you’re whispering, but these are very important rules. There’s a lot of electrical equipment, you could get hurt.”

Robin was not religious, but if a god answered his prayer and put a hole underneath him to swallow him up, he’d devote the rest of his life to them.

“So sorry, I was just asking a question,” Chrissy said innocently, “because my friend knows everything about this place.”
Scooter’s eyes flicked from Chrissy over to Robin. “Oh.”

His teacher shot Chrissy a glare. “Please direct your questions to the staff.”

“Okay, sorry Mrs Nelson.”

Mrs Nelson raised a brow, then cocked her head toward Scooter. “Well. Ask it.”

“Oh, I was just asking if he knew who was in the studio today.”

“No special guests, unfortunately,” Scooter apologized, “but our permanent staff is all here as usual, which is why it’s important we listen to the rules.”

“Sorry sir.”

He broke into a smile. “So the first rule is to abide by the taped lines. Throughout the entire studio, there are yellow lines around the equipment. You will be staying on the safe side of those lines. Secondly...”

“... And that’s everything. Who’s ready to head inside?”

The class erupted in excitement. Maybe it was a little infectious, because Robin found himself smiling too.

“Follow me!”

Robin fell in behind his classmates, doing his best to blend into the crowd. Scooter wouldn’t embarrass him, he had faith in that, but the moment he ran into anyone else, he was going to be toast, although maybe being toast wouldn’t be so bad. Chrissy was practically breathing down his neck. Her cheeks were flushed with an angry red.

“You’re gonna regret embarrassing me like that,” she hissed, “just wait until we meet someone with actual significance, they might kick you out when they find out you’re so parasocial about them.”

“Hey, Scooter is someone with actual significance, well, really the show wouldn’t run without the entire staff, but it extra wouldn’t run without him.”

Chrissy just stared at him.

“He’s the stage manager.”

“God, I knew you were weird, but I didn’t think you were really at stalker level creepy.”

Robin sighed, picking up the pace in hopes of losing her only to slam into the back of another one of their classmates. The group had stopped.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Okay students, we’re about to enter the backstage area. It’s imperative that the group stays together.”

A muffled crashing sound came from behind the door. Scooter flinched.

“Aaaand that’s why.” He adjusted his glasses. “How many of you have watched the Muppet Show?”

A good majority of the class raised their hands.

“Well, for the uninitiated, we’ve got a pretty cool stuntman who does some pretty good stunts.”

Another crash. Robin winced.

“And right now, he’s out there testing the stunt he’s gonna do in tonight’s show.”

Chrissy froze beside him, speaking under her breath. “Oh my god. It’s Gonzo.”

“So, just a reminder, stay behind the yellow lines. Honestly, you probably want to stand as far back as possible.”

Chrissy’s hand shot up. “Are we just gonna be watching? Or?”

Scooter tilted his head. “You wanna give it a shot? Or?”

“No! No, I was just wondering like, if we, or, well, if he-?” She practically tripped over her words.

“Yes.” Scooter smiled, amused. “You’ll get to ask him your questions.”

“Oh..kay. Okay, thank you.”

“Alright, I’m gonna pop in and make sure he’s ready for you. Stay right here.”

The moment the door shut behind Scooter, Robin tried to slip to the opposite edge of the group as Chrissy. She didn’t seem to notice, her face beet red and her hands busy fiddling with a ring. Was she actually nervous? It was a weird look on her.

Another classmate, one of Chrissy’s significantly less mean friends, slung an arm over her shoulder. “Excited to meet him?”

“Are you kidding? I’ve been waiting for this since I was like, seven.”

She tousled Chrissy’s hair. “Oh trust me, I was there when you fell in love with him.”

“Oh my god, shut up,” she jabbed her friend in the side, “he’s right there.”

Ew. Ew... EW. Robin had never wanted to be put out of his misery more. He couldn’t help but scrunch at the notion that any of his classmates could have crushes on his family, let alone Chrissy. He needed to get out of there.

The door opened again and Scooter gestured for them to come in. Robin caught his eye, and he must’ve looked like he’d seen a ghost, because Scooter followed him once they were situated in the wings.

“Hey kid.” Scooter looked him over. “You look petrified, what’s up?”

“I think you knew this field trip was happening before I did.”

“It’ll be over before you know it.”

Robin shifted anxiously. “They don’t believe that I’m actually related to Kermit.”

“Are you kidding?” Scooter glanced at the group, who were too busy watching the cannon get reset to notice the quiet conversation happening behind them. “They’re gonna be in for a rude awakening.”

“Yeah, they think I’m a very obsessed fan.”

“Do you want me to step in?”

That was another thing Robin appreciated about Scooter, he knew what it was like to go through complete social hell in school, enough to know that sometimes laying low was the only way to avoid getting harassed in the halls.

“I... I don’t know yet.”

“Just say the word, I’ll get Piggy on them.”

Robin’s eyes widened. “She’ll kill them!”

“Exactly.” Scooter had a devious look to him.

“You’re the best, Scooter, I hope you know that.”

“Anything for my little cousin.”

Robin couldn’t help but beam.

“Hey, that girl you were talking to earlier, she’s not looking too hot. Should I call medical?”

Robin turned back to look at the group. Scooter was right, Chrissy looked like she was about two seconds away from passing out.

“Can I say something mean?”

Scooter raised a brow. “Does she deserve it?”

“I think she has a crush on Gonzo.”

“Is that... is that mean?”

“It’s gross, that’s what it is.” Robin tried to shake away his heebie jeebies. “And she makes a huge deal about me being too obsessed.”

“...Robin please let me intervene, I have an idea.”

Chapter Text

“I am the Great Gonzo, and in an act of lunatic daring, I will do a backflip.”

Robin bit back laughter as he watched Gonzo stick the landing, arms up like a gymnast. Maybe he had been a gymnast at some point? He’d have to ask him later.

“Now, backflips are actually a lot easier than they look. It’s all about trust and guts.”

Scooter came out from behind the curtains, dragging a giant crash pad. “Yeah, easier for you.”

Gonzo laughed. “Only cause I’ve had a lot of time to learn how to trust that I’ll land on my feet. That’s the hardest part.”

“And that brings us to our first interactive part of this tour.” Scooter slapped his clipboard enthusiastically.

Oh no. Oh Robin was not looking forward to whatever this was.

“Do we have any volunteers?”

Scooter scanned the crowd, stopping for an extra second when he passed over Robin. Hands were raised around him, not many hands, but some nonetheless. Robin couldn’t help but glance at Chrissy. Her friend was whispering to her, seemingly trying to get her to raise her hand.

“How about you? You’ve got some guts to be whispering again, I think you’d be perfect.”

Chrissy stood up straighter. “Me?”

“Yeah, come up here.”

Robin’s heart-rate increased exponentially as Chrissy walked to the front. She flashed her friend a worried look.

Gonzo crossed his arms with an amused smile. “Now what’s your name?”

“Chrissy.”

“Chrissy.” He nodded. She paled considerably. “How would you like to try a backflip?”

“A what.”

“A backflip.”

She stared, mouth agape. The room was uncomfortably silent.

“You don’t have to do a backflip.”

Scooter chimed in, “If you do a backflip, I’ll do one too.”

“Why would I wanna see you do a backflip?” The words spilled out of Chrissy’s mouth so quickly, she must not have had time to think through what she was saying.

Heat hit Robin’s cheeks. He watched Gonzo squint a little, then glance at Scooter, then his performer face was back on and he turned back to Chrissy.

“Trust me, seeing Scooter do a backflip would be a very exclusive experience.”

“I mean... okay. Okay whatever, I’ll do it.”

Gonzo grinned. “That’s the spirit!”

***

Chrissy was definitely not a stunt performer. She’d pretty much face planted into the crash pad. Around Robin, his classmates had erupted into a circus of laughter. He didn’t particularly find it funny.

She hadn’t moved. She just laid there, face down like she was afraid of what she’d see if she looked up. Something stirred in him, some rousing feeling that kicked him into action.

So he shoved his way forward, through his classmates, over to the crash pad.

He made eye contact with Scooter, then Gonzo, who opened his mouth to say something before Scooter stopped him. Robin mouthed him a “thank you.”

He hesitated. “Chrissy?”

She didn’t say anything.

“It’s okay, you can get up.”

Chrissy lifted her head. “I don’t want to hear anything from you.”

He offered her a hand regardless. “Nobody lands a backflip on their first try.”

“I know?” She looked at him like he’d insulted her mother. “God, Robin you just don’t understand anything, do you?”

“I understand what it’s like to be laughed at,” he said pointedly.

“Are you trying to make me feel worse?”

“No.”

“Then leave me alone.”

She pushed herself to her feet and stormed back into the wings. Robin gave Scooter a helpless look.

“Okay team!” He tapped his clipboard again. “It’s about time we moved on.”

“No backflip?” Gonzo teased.

“Absolutely not, you know, since somebody doesn’t wanna see me do a backflip.”

Gonzo shot the class a look. “That was pretty rude. Scooter is very important to this show, please show him respect.”

Way to put the nail in the coffin. Robin tried to meet Chrissy’s eyes, but she was nose deep in her phone. Whatever.

“Nice to see you, by the way.” Gonzo gave him a strong pat on the back. “Missed you at breakfast.”

Chrissy’s head snapped up.

Robin laughed nervously. “Yeah, sorry. Field trip meant I gotta get to school early.”

“No harm, no foul. I’ll see you later, okay? Are you staying for the show?”

“The whole class is,” Scooter chimed in.

“Fun! Well then I’ll see you all later.”

Robin shuffled his way back into the group, avoiding eye contact wherever he could. His classmates stayed eerily silent.

“Okay kids,” Scooter encouraged, “time to head to our next stop. Robin, why don’t you lead the way? We’re heading to dressing rooms.”

“Who are we meeting there?” A classmate asked.

Scooter looked across the group mischievously. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Chapter Text

Nobody spoke as Robin fell in step with Scooter, not even a murmur. His classmates stares burned into his back.

The dressing rooms used to be Robin’s favourite place to hide when his uncle was working, mostly because none of the performers had the heart to rat him out. There was so much to see, so many memories on every surface.

“This-” Scooter announced, “-is where we’ll be having lunch.”

...Crap. He’d forgotten that he’d forgotten his lunch. He’d have to sneak away to try and grab something from the break room table.

“While you’re all eating, you’re also gonna have the chance to hang out with a couple stars from the show.”

Or maybe Robin could convince someone to take him home and eat lunch there.

The door of the nearest dressing room creaked open. “So the kids are here then?”

...Actually Robin wouldn’t mind succumbing to his hunger.

Fozzie poked his head out of the dressing room door, a goofy grin on his face. “Robin! You didn’t tell me this was your class.”

Nobody around him moved. Nobody spoke. The air was still.

“Did you say Robin?” A second voice, a shrill, feminine, terrifying voice spilled out of the dressing room.

Scooter’s brows shot up in surprise as Miss Piggy shoved her way past Fozzie. “There’s my little Robin!”

She engulfed him in a massive hug, nearly squeezing the life out of him.

“Miss Piggy,” Scooter ushered, “can we-”

“Shh,” She hushed him, “you all have come such a long way to see moi, so let’s not waste any time.”

Scooter stared blankly at her.

“Miss Piggy?” A student raised their hand.

She lit up even more. Even in the poorly lit halls of the dressing room area, Robin could see how she put a spell on people. The positive attention sure helped though.

“Yes my love?”

“Why were you in a dressing room with Fozzie?”

Robin could’ve sworn he saw her eye twitch. “Pardonne moi?”

Scooter looked like he’d seen a ghost. Was Robin missing something? He tried to remember the last time he’d seen the two of them together.

Fozzie broke the tension with a laugh. “Piggy and I are doing a comedy set together tonight.”

“That’s Miss Piggy to you.”

“I don’t miss Piggy though, you’re right here!” He winked. “Eh? Wocka wocka?”

“Okay!” Scooter slapped his clipboard. “So maybe we’ll skip this part of the tour!”

Fozzie crossed his arms. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“Yes it was.” Miss Piggy assured.

Another student raised their hand, one of Chrissy’s friends. “We could always go back and eat lunch while we watch Gonzo do more stunts.”

Oh. Robin watched Chrissy’s eyes shoot to the floor.

Miss Piggy didn’t let her smile drop, but there was a sudden murderous flicker in her eyes. Uh oh.

Fozzie raised a brow. “Gonzo must’ve left quite an impression, eh?”

“You could say that.”

Miss Piggy cracked just a little. “Whatever happened there, it’s over.”

Someone whistled.

“Listen here you-”

“Okay kids!” Scooter stepped in again, “let’s get our lunches out and find a place to sit.”

“There’s no seats though,” a student said.

“Ah! You’re getting the real Muppet experience.” Fozzie grinned. “We used to all sit on the floor here and eat together.”

Somehow, that seemed the settle it. While his classmates tousled with their bags, Robin tried to slip away again. Break room. He just needed to get to the break room.

A hand landed on his shoulder. “I have to admit, I really thought you were lying for attention.”

It was one of Chrissy’s friends, Amanda? He couldn’t quite remember.

“I mean, Miss Piggy just doted all over you, that’s pretty cool.”

He laughed nervously, unsure what he was supposed to say.

“You wanna sit with us for lunch?”

“Oh, um.” Okay, this was a question he actually had an answer for. “I actually forgot to pack a lunch, I was gonna go grab something really quick.”

“Oh!” Amanda(?) said, “right, I guess you know your way around.”

“Yeah, haha.”

“... Could I come with you?”

He froze.

“Sorry, oh my God, you’d probably get in trouble. Sorry, I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that.”

... What was happening? Why was she being so-

“If you can’t find anything, you could always have some of mine.”

Earnest. She was being so earnest.

“I should go.” He cringed at himself, but what else could he say?

She smiled. “Okay. I’ll be waiting for you.”

She skipped off to a few other classmates. Robin stared after her for a second. What was that? What just happened?

Whatever, he turned on his heels and sped-walked to the break room. They aways had bagels there, at the very least. Maybe he could eat in peace.

But she’d be waiting. For some reason, the image of her sitting, staring in the direction he’d gone tugged at his heart too much. It was too reminiscent of...

“Scooter so help me, if those kids don’t pull it together-”

Oh. That was Miss Piggy.

Robin poked his head into the break room. Miss Piggy, Fozzie, and Scooter were standing around a table.

Scooter pinched the bridge of his nose. “They’re kids. Kids are mean.”

“If this is what kids are like, I’m not having any.”

...

Ouch.

Just as he was about to back out, he made eye contact with Fozzie. The bear’s eyes softened.

“I wouldn’t say that. You’ve got a pretty good one already.” He nodded toward the door

Miss Piggy turned, lighting up. “Robin! Come in, what’s wrong?”

Robin’s head hung sheepishly. “I didn’t bring a lunch.”

“Oh sweetie, okay, let’s get you something.”

This was a side of Miss Piggy that Robin wished more people knew about. She immediately got to work on a sandwich with sliced cucumbers. She didn’t even have to ask, she just knew what he liked.

“Can I ask you all something?” Robin shuffled his feet.

“Of course!” Fozzie gestured for him to join them at the table.

“How do you know when someone likes you?”

Miss Piggy dropped her butter knife. “Likes you?”

“No!” Robin said. “No, like, just likes you, like, as a person.”

Fozzie’s face got serious. It made Robin’s skin crawl. “Robin, what’s going on?”

“It’s nothing,” he amended quickly, “it’s just, yeah, it’s nothing.”

Miss Piggy shot Scooter a look. “Scooter.”

Scooter hesitated, “...Well.”

Oh no. Oh no he was screwed.

“Robin’s class is weird.”

...That was a way to put that.

“Weird.” Miss Piggy crossed her arms.

“Yeah.”

“Well I could’ve told you that.”

“They’re petty and cliquey.”

Fozzie nodded. “Not the kind of people you’d wanna be friends with.”

Miss Piggy handed Robin the finished sandwich. “Thanks”

“Of course!”

“I’m just confused cause someone asked me to eat lunch with them.”

Scooter made a face. “After what happened earlier?”

“Excuse me?” Miss Piggy squinted. “What happened earlier?”

***

After the most mortifying debrief of his life, Robin dragged his feet back to where his classmates were sitting, half eaten sandwich in hand. The murmurs of his classmates echoed through the halls, though he couldn’t really make out any distinct conversation.

He was about to turn the last corner on his way back when he tripped.

“Ow.” Chrissy sat with her back the wall, her voice pointed and annoyed.

“Sorry, that’s totally my fault, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

She studied him for a second, then looked away. “I guess when you know the place, you can walk like it’s home.”

“Why aren’t you sitting with everyone else?”

“I could ask you the same question.”

Robin’s face scrunched. “I’m pretty sure you know why.”

“No, I don’t actually.”

He sat across from her, his back to the other hallway wall. “Nobody gave me the time of day at school. I’ve always eaten alone.”

“Well they are now. Go enjoy it.”

Robin wasn’t quite sure what to do with that.

“Go.”

“But-”

She glared. “I hope you didn’t think that proving who you are was gonna make me like you. I’m not that superficial.”

“Chrissy-”

“But they are.” She gestured in the general direction of their classmates. “So go. Enjoy it.”

He didn’t reply, but he also didn’t budge. He just quietly ate his sandwich. Eventually, Chrissy dug her phone out of her pocket and stuck her nose back in it.

Somehow, her honest dislike of him was refreshing.

***

At some point, the clacking of heels announced the return of Miss Piggy, and likely Scooter and Fozzie.

Robin stood up quickly. “Let’s go.”

“What?” Chrissy looked up.

“They’re coming back, let’s go before we get in trouble.”

Without another word, the two of them shuffled back to the rest of the class. Seconds later, Miss Piggy rounded the same corner.

“Sorry for the delay,” she scanned the group, “but we’re ready for questions.”

Robin clasped his hands together, praying to any God that would listen that his classmates actually had questions. He would never hear the end of it if they didn’t.

“You!” Miss Piggy pointed to one of the boys. “What’s your name?”

“George.”

“And what’s your question, George?”

“When are you gonna tell Kermit you’re cheating on him?”