Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Esther answered the phone a few seconds after it started ringing. Putting the engine to her ear, she was reassured to hear Nina's lively voice on the other end of the line. Lately, she had been spending her early evenings with the young woman, who told her how her day had gone. Esther had to go back to work soon, so it was a good distraction to have someone talking to her so enthusiastically. That was what she had missed.

She and Grimmer talked less on the phone. Mainly, she supposed, because he spent more time with Zahra. She would often see them, in a corridor or at the foot of the building, and she would slip away discreetly. He always came to see her, of course, but she was too wounded to care.

Every time she saw him, she wanted to ask him about his relationship with this woman, but she never had the heart to. It wasn't her business, after all. Grimmer could meet whoever he liked. They were just friends, unfortunately.

Esther was also talking to her brother less and less. He didn't answer her calls as quickly as he used to, so she figured he was probably busy and didn't have time to talk to her. After all, Hilda was due within the week, so the couple were getting ready to go to hospital. Esther was on the list of people who could potentially help the young woman during the birth, which she had accepted.

Nevertheless, she now felt alone. She had the impression that many thoughts, which she had abandoned until now, were returning with alarming speed. She had reread Huit Clos by Jean-Paul Sartre, and once again had to stop at this sentence.

Hell is Other People.

Esther had had several months to think about the meaning of this sentence, and now that she was rereading it in the context of the play, she realised that she was completely off the mark. Hell was simply the fact that the relationship you had with others, and by extension with yourself, was a relationship based on hatred and judgement, which would always make you suffer.

She threw the book on the floor and almost wanted to tear out the pages.

She reread Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics. Ethics, and virtue, and morality... Prudence and the middle ground... She couldn't identify with any of the principles set out. She had always considered herself cautious, but faced with the philosopher's ancient knowledge, she came to realise that she was simply what was known as... hyper-vigilant.

And even then, it seemed that her vigilance had ‘targets’. It was quite possible for her not to suspect certain things because her attention was focused on others. Just like when Nathaniel was kidnapped. One would have had to be completely stupid not to notice that it was a trap.

...so she was completely stupid.

"Do you have nightmares like these often, Esther?" Nina's sweet voice asked from the other side of the line.

"I suppose it's becoming more and more frequent." Esther replied, lying amidst many wide-open books as she searched for answers. She absolutely needed answers. "Is it strange?"

"No, no, not at all, it's normal. You must feel lonely..." Nina paused for a moment, then let out a little 'oh!' "What if we went out together, just the two of us? I know a place where there are lots of cats, each more adorable than the last."

Esther sat up sharply at the word ‘cat’.

"I've always wanted one, you know." Esther confessed, as she stroked a grey cat that had settled next to her on the bench.

Nina giggled as she stroked an elegant white cat clamouring for attention on her lap. "Is that so? You've never had a pet?"

"Ah, no, I had one, my parents had a dog." Esther recalled, vividly picturing the big-voiced Bernese Mountain Dog who sometimes scared game when she was young and didn't know not to chase them. "His name was Marcel."

"Oh, that's lovely!" Nina turned to Esther as the woman nodded gently.

"I used to give him treats in secret, when I went for food in the middle of the night, so he wouldn't snitch on me." Esther recounted with a smile that seemed genuine for once.

Nina looked at her interlocutor for a moment before smiling back. "Did you like that dog?"

"Yes, he was nice. But one day he bit my father, so he gave him up..."

Nina lowered her eyes. "Why did he bite him?"

Because I was crying. Papa was threatening me with a belt, so Marcel started barking.

"Too much fuss, probably. Dogs can quickly be provoked." Esther replied, shrugging her shoulders.

Had she told Grimmer this story? She doubted it.

"You prefer cats, then?" Nina smiled sympathetically.

"I never got the chance to have one, my mum was allergic. But I think that was just an excuse because she was scared of them. Aunt Marie told me that they had one when they were younger, and it was really war between the cat and my mother."

Nina let out a small laugh, shaking her head. "That must have been funny to see!"

Esther shrugged slightly, allowing herself a smile. "It must have been."

Then she looked down at the cat, who was pawing at her leg, purring as she stroked his head. He looked so at ease, right under her hand, which still had her own father's blood on it...

She could no longer simply call him René, but she couldn't bring herself to call him Papa. Just as she was finding it increasingly difficult to call her mother Maman, but still didn't want to refer to her by Denise.

"What about you?" Esther turned to Nina, remembering that she wasn't alone after all, and that it was usually traditional to return a question when asked. "Did you have a pet?"

"No, unfortunately." Nina admitted with a sheepish smile. "But I would have loved to have had one! Those furballs are adorable..."

Esther nodded slowly. She felt good with the young woman. But she knew it was only a temporary feeling, caused by her current solitude. Every evening, she waited on the telephone for news of Nathaniel, who did not answer. Every day, around midday, she recognised Grimmer's footsteps walking down the corridor to Zahra's flat. Sometimes, on his way back, he came to see Esther, who only half-answered him.

She knew it wasn't fair to him, and that by extension she was hurting herself, but she didn't know what else to do. She didn't know how else to react when this pain lifted her heart and stiffened her throat and fingers. She could always see Grimmer's disappointment in his expression, which was becoming more and more downcast as he saw no reaction from Esther to his words. And she did nothing to comfort him.

She ‘thought about herself’, as he had wanted. She allowed herself to be selfish. Besides, if he needed cheering up, he could always go and see Zahra, couldn't he?

Esther gave Zahra tight smiles when she passed her in the corridors. She didn't stop to make conversation, and replied formally and politely when they were in the lift at the same time. And, on Zahra's beautiful face too, she could read disappointment.

"How old are you, Madam Leroy?" Dieter asked as he bounced his ball on the floor.

"Me? Thirty-eight." She replied.

"That's not true." Nina interjected as she put down the teapot, handing the woman a full cup.

"Yes, it is. How much did you give me?" Esther said with a small smile.

"Er, twenty-seven?" Approximated Nina, raising an eyebrow. "You've got to tell us your secrets!"

"I used to do a lot of sport when I was younger. Plus, I didn't drink or smoke and I ate healthily, so..." Esther shrugged. "And look where we're at... Thanks, Dieter." She muttered, taking a chocolate that the boy held out to her.

"Come on, it's just a little chocolate." Nina shook her head.

"It's not my first one of the day. But hey, at least I brush my teeth properly..."

"Good morning, Madam." Reichwein greeted as he removed his hat, while Esther greeted him with a nod.

"Good morning, Doctor, am I intruding?"

"Not at all. What are you all doing inside?"

"Come on, the sun is beating down far too hard outside." Nina replied with a shrug. "Dieter would be cooked in the end!"

"Not even true." The boy protested as he continued to drink his glass of milk. Esther had told him to drink at least one a day to be big and strong, and he intended to become that. "Madam Leroy put the sun cream on my face and arms..."

"There's no such thing as zero risk, Dieter." Esther pointed out as she handed the boy a paper towel to wipe the corners of his mouth, which he accepted with a small ‘thank you’ before complying.

"It's a shame. We won't have days like this once autumn returns." Reichwein said, as Nina poured him a cup of tea too.

"Don't remind me, I have to go and buy another umbrella..." Esther sighed as she fiddled with a lock of her ponytail. "You never know, on the way to work..."

"When are you going back, anyway?" Reichwein enquired, sitting down opposite her around the round table.

"By next month." Esther said, turning to the older man. "I've been re-reading some old files lately, getting back into the swing of things."

"Wise decision." Reichwein agreed, shaking his head. "Does that mean our sessions will become less frequent?"

"Very probably. I think I can manage to free up a slot, my colleagues know full well that I've been through a lot..." Esther left her sentence hanging, looking at Dieter who was watching her with wide curious eyes. "What's the matter with you?"

"No, nothing..." Dieter looked away, pretending not to listen. "Actually, I was wondering... Did you have a big argument with Mr Grimmer?"

"Argument? Mr Grimmer?" Nina repeated, without understanding, turning to Esther, who was bringing the cup to her lips with an embarrassed look.

"I offer couples therapy, if you'd like." Reichwein said, before widening his eyes when he saw Esther start to cough, having swallowed the tea wrong.

After several coughing fits, Esther looked up at Reichwein. "No, er, we... We're not... I mean, what gives you that idea? This is ridiculous..."

"Have I missed something?" Nina asked, looking around at the assembly, who all seemed to know except her.

"Mr Grimmer talks to me a lot about you, Madam Leroy." Dieter continued without the slightest embarrassment, as if he were stating the obvious. "He tells me that you're very nice, and that you smell so good, and that your hair is so soft... Can I touch it?"

"Er, yes... Yes, yes, if you like..." Esther stammered as she let Dieter approach, carefully avoiding Nina's insistent gaze.

"Sorry, I must have misunderstood. It's just that he introduced you to me, and as you spend a lot of time together, I thought... Excuse me, I didn't mean to embarrass you..." Reichwein stammered sheepishly.

"No, it's nothing." Esther shook her head slightly as Dieter raved about the texture of her hair. "I can see how that might be confusing..."

"Esther?" Nina called, crossing her arms.

"I'll explain it to you." She mumbled vaguely, keeping her eyes riveted on her mug.

"My impression is that we still have two main mysteries to unravel." Zahra said as she presented a sheet of paper spread out on the living room table. Pablo had been put to bed, and Bruno was on the balcony, smoking absently.

It had taken a while for Grimmer to gain Bruno's trust - he must have been held back by his sister when the two men first met - but he had mellowed considerably when he heard that Grimmer was a friend of Esther's. And since then, he had been content to stare at them for a while and then go off for a smoke. To ‘calm his nerves’, as Zahra liked to say.

"Firstly, Alice's relationship with 511 Kinderheim. Beyond her father's relationship with the establishment, there must be a reason why she would want to replicate the experiments, and further still, train children to eliminate those from the orphanage." Zahra explained, drawing a line that roughly divided the sheet in two, with ‘Alice + 511 Kinderheim?’ written on one side.

On the other, she wrote, very carefully, in her smooth, round, legible handwriting, ‘René + Alice?

Grimmer frowned slightly. "Do you think he's more involved than we think?"

"I'm almost certain of it." Zahra affirmed, looking up at him. "Why did she choose him? Why didn't she go straight for a German man? She would have had less trouble moving us all..."

"But she wouldn't have met Esther." Grimmer raised his head, letting himself lean back against the back of the chair. "And you said there was a turning point in her behaviour when she met her."

"Quite so. She started paying a lot more ‘attention’ to us." Zahra recalled, deep in thought. "She was more tender, and took on the role of the good cop, if you will, while the instructors were the bad guys."

Grimmer nodded. "And before that?"

"I hardly ever saw her, I confess." Zahra admitted with a sigh.

Grimmer took a notebook out of his bag, holding it out to Zahra. When she looked at him with a confused expression, he smiled: "That's all I could find on René. Nothing really transcendent after the war, until he was murdered, so I think if there was anything special, it was either during the war or something he could afford to cover up, so pretty illegal stuff. Most French newspapers during the war were inaccessible to me, so..."

Zahra flipped through the notebook, her eyebrows furrowed. Indeed, René had nothing to reproach himself for; he was one of those citizens from long bourgeois lineages who lived well-to-do lives with several residences throughout the country, and sometimes outside it. René, in particular, seemed to have travelled the length and breadth of Europe, buying properties that he sometimes never even visited. What a waste.

"Did Esther ever talk to you about him?" Zahra asked, handing Grimmer back his notebook.

Had he known how to do this, Grimmer would probably have made a disconsolate face. Instead, he just looked at his notebook. "No, she's been very secretive about her relationship with her parents. She mainly tells me about what she did with her brother, when it comes to her memories."

"Yes, she used to do the same thing with us..." Zahra pressed her lips into a thin line. "That pisses me off... Do you think we can get answers from her brother?"

Grimmer shook his head in denial. "Certainly not, he had such a bad experience with their father that I doubt he'll talk. Besides, her brother knew René for much less time. He was nine when René died."

"Ah, yes, indeed..." Zahra conceded, playing with her hair. "But what can we do? We don't have any leads on Alice either..."

"Perhaps I can help." Bruno said as he sat down on the sofa, his cigarette still in his hand. According to Zahra, he was the same age as Esther, even a few months younger. Yet he looked much older. Whatever had happened in the green-roofed house, remembering it was a considerable burden.

"Don't force yourself to..." Grimmer murmured as the man ran a hand over his face.

"You want to help Esther, don't you? Then I'll help you. Esther was my best friend." Bruno admitted, his eyes unfocused. "I always wanted her to get rid of Alice because she was rotting our brains, but maybe it was too much for her. I pass her, sometimes, in the building, and I just want to run up to her and give her a hug, and tell her it'll be all right. But I can't, so I can at least make sure Alice is looked after for her..."

"But what do you know about René?" Zahra asked, crossing her arms.

"Esther used to tell me everything." Bruno replied in a monotone voice. "I always knew everything that went on in her house. I could speak fluent French before anyone else because she taught me, and I taught her Spanish in return. I know a lot about René. At least, I know what she knows."

Zahra pouted at these words, convinced that she had been closest to Esther during their stay at the green-roofed house. Grimmer, for his part, frowned.

"I'm sorry, but I really don't understand..."

Both turned their heads towards him.

"She killed your brother, didn't she? Why do you still want to help her?" Grimmer insisted, his gaze flicking between brother and sister, who looked at each other for a moment.

"Why stay when the prostitute business is over?" Bruno countered, raising an eyebrow. "Why not turn her in since she killed her father?"

"We don't know that for sure..." Zahra grumbled, looking away.

"Yes, we do, we know her, Zahra." Bruno retorted, returning his gaze to Grimmer. "Our truth is the same as yours. We care about her, and that's all."

"But your brother..." Grimmer repeated, all the more confused. He had seen Esther, an astronomical number of times, put herself in situations, each more dangerous than the last, to make sure that her little brother was all right. So how come they didn't seem to care? Why weren't these two people enraged at the thought of their brother's murderer?

"You don't know everything about our history, Mr Grimmer." Zahra interrupted, shaking her head. "We have our reasons."

"Do those reasons involve why you won't speak his name?"

"No, that has nothing to do with it." Pablo argued with a sigh. "If we don't speak his name, it's not because he shamed us, or was a bad person, or whatever you imagine."

Grimmer stared at each of them in turn. Perhaps he had some idea why the elder's name had never been mentioned. Especially if he'd been brought up as he was at 511 Kinderheim, then it was probably because...

"We can't remember his name..." Zahra admitted in a small voice.

"So you're in love with him?"

Esther had to stop herself spitting out the coffee she was drinking. She and Nina were on the balcony, while Dieter was inside. She could hear the distant sounds of the television. She never turned it on, but she was beginning to think about leaving random channels on so she wouldn't feel so lonely when she wasn't out. The background noise reminded her of cicadas during summers in the South of France, a constant melody that kept her from losing herself in her mind.

"Come on, ‘in love’... I'm not a child." Esther replied, glancing at Nina.

The latter puffed up her cheeks, then shook her head. "I can't let you say that! You can fall in love at any age, you know? Besides, I'm so happy! You've made a good choice, he's a man you can trust and..."

"He doesn't love me, Nina." Esther interrupted, her voice solemn.

She could see Nina's adorable face gradually decomposing. "He doesn't?"

"No." Esther shook her head. "Or at least that's what I think. I certainly never told him, but I know he's clever enough to notice. And he's never said anything. He's never made a move. Worse still, I feel like I'm being used."

Nina frowned when she saw Esther clench her fist, which was not holding her cup of coffee. Reflexively, she put her hand on the older woman's and smiled, but Esther kept her gaze straight, her face closed.

"You know very well that I haven't been in very... pleasant circumstances over the last few months. Being involved in such a big affair... Well, it would seem that he has got it into his head to make me talk on the wider scope still. Make me confess secrets I haven't told anyone but my brother - and God knows I trust my brother!" Esther exclaimed.

Nina was puzzled, blinking slowly as she saw Esther speak with such animation, although it was caused by anger. She had understood that Esther spoke in short, concise sentences, like the science students she sometimes met in university libraries, so to see her get so excited... Nina could only smile gently.

For her part, Esther had the feeling that she was relieving herself. How good it was to finally be able to confess what had been bothering her lately! To be listened to, simply, without anyone interrupting her or trying to correct her point of view by proposing solutions - which, of course, she had already thought of.

"I have the impression that he's using my attraction to him. That's it. There, I said it. I feel like he's using the way I feel about him to get what he wants." Esther ranted as she sank back against her seat. "And it's frankly not pleasant."

Nina put down her cup of coffee and finally took Esther's hand in hers. She said nothing for the moment, making a mental note of everything she could see. The tighter grip on the cup, the grinding of her teeth, the words that were almost pestiferous, the wrinkled that pinched her forehead as she frowned...

"He's driving me completely mad! Just when I thought things were getting better, he started seeing my neighbour. The one at the end of the corridor. Her name is Zahra. He called her by her first name, can you imagine? But to get me called by my first name... It took months." Esther knew she didn't make sense any more, but she didn't care. She needed to get rid of this extra weight that weighed on her, late at night, just before going to sleep. "Besides, he's going to see her every day!"

Nina grimaced. No, it wasn't a very pleasant situation, and she could understand how Esther felt. She would certainly talk to Grimmer about it. Naturally, she would omit the fact that Esther was clearly jealous, but would let him know that she was lonely and in need of support - after all, Esther had told her that she and her brother hadn't seen each other for days.

"And I know he's not the type to do that kind of thingd. That he's a good person, that he might not even realise it, and that it's unfair of me not to call him any more and talk to him so coldly about something he has no control over. It's not... right to punish him for how I feel and because I'm not capable of dealing with it on my own and coming to terms with it." Esther continued, shaking her head, lowering her eyes. "But I can't go against that. Maybe it's because it's never happened to me before... I feel like I'm behaving like an immature teenager."

Nina raised her eyebrows. "You've never been... in a relationship before?"

Esther sighed through her nose. "I was in a relationship that lasted most of my life. And again, I didn't officially leave her, but I think she got the message."

"She?" Nina repeated, confused.

"Yes. I was with a woman, you see. Well, that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the charms of men, the proof is there." Esther waved her hand to refer to the situation she was in. "Nevertheless, I've only been with her, in an exclusive relationship where it was... just the two of us."

"Ah, well, then, that can't be easy." Nina bit the inside of her cheek, then shook her head. "In any case, the best thing we can do is talk about it, right?"

"Talk about it? About what? To whom?"

"Well, Grimmer, who else?" Nina raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "He's the one your relationship isn't in the best place with, isn't he? You should go and talk to him, sort things out!"

Esther looked away. She had thought about it many times before, but never found the courage to do it. Perhaps it was in the disappointed look Grimmer gave her when he saw that she wasn't responding as much - a silence that was also caused by the fact that she was weighing her words - that she was losing her strength. Maybe it was meeting Zahra in the corridors. Maybe it was seeing them together.

She bit her tongue to suppress the urge to smoke. She had told herself not to do it again. She'd been successful at Doctor Reichwein's - mainly because Dieter was there and it was her policy not to smoke when children were around - so she could do it.

"I suppose so. But I'm not sure I can do it."

"I trust you, Esther." Nina reassured as she clasped Esther's hand in hers. "I know you can. You may be a little scared, and that's normal. Especially if it's new to you... Love is..." She held back a giggle when she saw Esther tense up when she said the word ‘love’. "...so beautiful and yet so complicated. But complicated things are your thing, aren't they? Analysing bodies isn't simple, as far as I know."

"No, that's true." Esther conceded with a sigh.

"Hear, hear!" Nina laughed as she straightened up. "We need to establish an attack time. Are you coming? We're going to start grilling in this sun, otherwise..."

Esther nodded, and followed Nina inside, unaware of the sad look on the man's face, a couple of feet away. There, on the balcony of the flat at the end of the corridor, Bruno crushed his cigarette against the railing, exhaling the smoke through his nose, then went back inside, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

Chapter Text

Esther could no longer see herself in the mirror. Hilda had recently given birth. It had been a long, hard labour, lasting a total of seven hours, during which she had screamed her head off. Nevertheless, the little boy, Markus, Esther's nephew, was in good health. At least, that's what Grimmer had told her on the phone.

She hadn't been there.

She hadn't been there because, when she wanted to follow Nathaniel, whom she had seen at the end of the corridor, she had stopped dead in her tracks when she saw a familiar figure, but one she didn't want to see again. It was Denise. Her mother.

She had slipped away immediately, feeling bile roll off her tongue at the sight of her mother, who had changed greatly. After all, Esther hadn't seen her for years, but the discomfort of her presence hadn't gone away. Esther loved her mother, of course, so she didn't expect this kind of reaction from herself. She decided to leave the hospital, a lump in her stomach as she recalled many of the things this woman, this old woman now, had said to her when she was younger.

Kids like you should be against the law.

You should learn to keep your mouth shut. Nobody likes a smart-mouthed girl like you.

Become a doctor? Come on, you're a woman, Esther. You'll get married, have children and stay at home, as you should.

Don't talk to your mother like that! Don't speak! Shut up, shut up, shut up!

You've ruined my life, Esther!

God, I wish you'd never been born!

If only you'd been part of all those miscarriages I had! Why, Lord, did you only let that little monster survive?

So she didn't want to go. She'd spent the day vomiting, torn between the guilt of not being there for one of her brother's most important moments - she felt terribly selfish - and the fear her mother had inflicted on her, even though she hadn't seen her daughter or spoken to her. Esther had begged Nina on the phone to forgive her for not being able to come and see her that afternoon, telling her that she had fallen ill again. When Grimmer called her, she felt even worse.

"Is everything all right?" he asked, and Esther had to suppress her retching and reply in a weak voice that she was fine, so as not to distress him further, and that it would be better if he didn't come when he offered to come and check on her, claiming that she was afraid it might be contagious.

She was lying, of course. She was just afraid to see her mother.

So Esther lay on her side in the middle of her perfectly made bed, her eyes riveted on the doorknob, almost expecting to see the door being violently kicked in and Denise bellowing her way in. She was hungry, but she knew she'd throw up as soon as she put something in her mouth. She had put a bucket beside the bed, just in case, and tried to sleep, but her heart was pounding against her chest and ears.

She jumped out of her skin when she heard the door to her flat unlock. Grimmer's slow footsteps entered her flat, but she didn't have the strength to get up and greet him. There was no need, because he knocked on her bedroom door, clearing his throat.

"Esther? Can I... Can I come in?"

She cursed the lamp on her bedside table, which had indicated that she was in her room. But if she didn't say anything, maybe he'd leave and-

No, he opened the door, and didn't dare say anything when he saw her like that, her face almost green, sweat sticking her clothes to her skin. They looked at each other for a moment, and then Esther felt her eyes waver, so she had to blink several times, and when she opened them again she saw Grimmer kneeling by her bed.

"Oh, Esther..." He murmured as he placed a careful hand on her cheek, pushing back the damp strands of hair that had stuck to it. "Sorry..." He said simply, and Esther didn't have the strength to ask him why he was apologising. "Do you need anything? Do you want me to get you some water, or food, or..." He left his sentence hanging, looking at her with that sad look she'd seen so much of over the last few days. "...Or do you want me to leave you alone?"

Esther could feel herself falling asleep so it was complicated to answer. She simply placed her hand on Grimmer's, which had migrated to the woman's shoulder.

The small smile he gave her was the last thing she saw before falling asleep.

"Ah..."

Grimmer didn't know what to say to what Esther had just told him. As soon as she had woken up, he had waited patiently in the living room while she went to take a shower - surprisingly, he couldn't get into her room and stay there as easily as before - and she returned a few moments later. He was momentarily distracted by the ends of Esther's hair, which had curled slightly, shining with moisture. He thought of touching them, just for a moment, but stopped himself.

So he had listened to her. He had listened to her rant with a speed and emotion he had never heard before. He had never seen her talk like that. But he liked her lack of self-control. He liked that she couldn't stop herself from swearing, and sighing, and making big gestures, that she looked at him with such anger, that she got so carried away. He loved seeing her so alive.

He had to stop her when he saw her eyes moisten. Gently, he put his hands on her face, caressing her cheekbones in a slow gesture, as if wiping away tears that had not yet fallen. He let her keep talking, let her grip his wrists as if they were her anchor.

He tried not to let anything show when Esther told him how she was neglected and torn between her parents' expectations. On the one hand, her father took her hunting, cut her hair short when she had always wanted it long, scolded her, called her son, talked to her about running the family and being a man. René wanted a son. On the other hand, his mother taught him how to cook and sew, how to set the table and welcome guests, how to dress and the manners she should adopt. Denise wanted a daughter.

Then, when Nathaniel was born, she loved him with all her heart, of course, but she no longer meant anything to her parents. Her father didn't even seem to know she existed, and her mother had turned into a viper. Grimmer couldn't keep her at a distance for so long and held her to his chest, stroking her back as she sniffled softly. He pressed his cheek against Esther's damp hair.

"I understand... It's all right, Esther. I'm sure Nathaniel will understand..."

Esther doubted it, but said nothing. She simply let herself be comforted by the warmth of a body that was not her own, and those big, patient hands on her back and shoulders. She felt good. But bad.

The long worm of her jealousy - there was no other word for it and she knew it - was beginning to manifest itself, slowly working its way up her spine as all the times she had seen Grimmer with Zahra at the foot of the building came flooding back. She pulled away and he let her, albeit a little disappointed. He took her hand.

"Are you sure you don't want to go?" Grimmer asked in a soft voice, as if he were talking to a frightened animal.

Esther looked away. "I can't hide forever."

"Ah, finally, you're here!" Nathaniel exclaimed when he saw his sister enter, but there was nothing warm or cheerful about her face.

Esther said nothing, and merely looked down at the newborn baby in Hilda's arms. Grimmer, out of respect, had stayed outside, and it was a good thing he did, because Markus was suckling happily at his mother's breast, his puffy cheeks caressed by her.

"I'm glad to see you, Esther." Hilda murmured, looking down at her son.

"Congratulations." Esther replied, before feeling skeletal fingers grip her arm, like ivy that was far too strong to get rid of. She turned her eyes to her mother, who seemed to be considering Esther's left hand with interest.

"You've put on weight..." Denise muttered, letting go of her daughter's arm. "At last, what could we expect? The menopause is approaching."

"It's nice to see you too." Esther retorted curtly, surprised at her own insolence. She had always been the one, between her brother and herself, to hold her tongue better. But she supposed she was being pushed too far.

Yes, that was exactly it. Esther couldn't take it any more. She was far too weak and tired, and she wanted to get this visit over with quickly, go home and not talk to anyone.

"Speak better." Nathaniel corrected, frowning. "Why weren't you there?"

"I was sick."

"Sick my ass." Nathaniel crossed his arms over his chest. "If there was ever a day to be there, it was yesterday. It was a big deal for me and Hilda and all of a sudden you're sick? I know you, Esther, you're never sick. Do you expect me to believe that all of a sudden nothing's right?"

"I'm going through a bad patch, that's all."

"But what bad patch?" Nathaniel insisted, disbelief laced in his words. "You're doing fine! You're fine, so, go on, tell me, what could possibly be making you so bad that..."

"Denise's presence." Esther replied, her voice cold. Oh, he was starting to get on her nerves too.

"It's Maman, not ‘Denise’. Don't lump her in with Rene." Nathaniel hissed, his eyes squinting.

"Why not? Has she ever defended you to him?"

Denise let out a sound of outrage, rising abruptly from her chair. "Esther, that is enough!"

Esther remained silent.

"Maman came because she knew how much this day would mean. She took care of everything! And what were you doing, eh?" Nathaniel continued, moving closer to his sister, who didn't flinch. "You're never there when I need you anyway!"

Esther took it in her stride. Her head held high, looking down on her brother. She said nothing, but she could feel herself sinking inside, little by little, her anger giving way to a sharp pain that paralysed her body for a moment.

"Mum said you'd grow up to be like him. That you were like René, but that you just needed time to realise it. That, like him, you would leave us, or you would destroy us." Nathaniel shook his head incredulously. "I always told her she was wrong, but now I think I see it. You're horrible. You really are."

Esther glanced at her mother, who was looking back at her with tears in her eyes. That bitch.

"Esther, I really thought you'd be happy to see me..." Denise sniffed, shaking her head. "I know I've been hard on you in the past, but people change, you know? I really wanted things to be better between us..."

Esther took a deep breath.

"Say something, damn it!" Nathaniel burst out, grabbing his sister violently by the shoulders, but immediately pulling back when she raised her hand, squealing.

Esther walked over to the bed where Hilda lay, "Congratulations again. Sorry I couldn't be there." She murmured.

"No, I'm the one who's sorry... I should have told you she'd be there, but I got scared, and in the end..."

"Hush, it's all right..." Esther reassured, smiling slightly. "It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. I'm not blaming anyone. It's me." She looked down at the baby, who resembled his father in every way. "Hi, Markus. Sorry I couldn't be there..."

Then she straightened up, and headed for the door, without a word.

"Hey, Esther, where are you going?" Nathaniel shouted indignantly, following her as she stepped out into the corridor, before the surprised eyes of Grimmer, who hadn't expected the visit to end any time soon, tucking the notebook he'd pulled out into his bag. "You know what? Suit yourself! You'll come back on your own anyway, you're always stuck on me, it's a wonder who's older! I hate you so much! I don't want you back!"

Esther was the big sister. Esther always avoided conflict whenever possible. But also, Esther suffered. Esther's eyes were burning. Though Esther swallowed her tears because Esther had to be strong.

Esther paid no attention to Grimmer, who caught up with her. Esther pulled her hand away when he tried to take it. Esther did not notice that he too seemed to suffer.

Esther left the building and walked to her car. Esther stopped before getting into the car, turning to Grimmer.

"I'm going home." she said simply.

And Grimmer watched her get into her car, and he wished he could have stopped her, wished he could have told her that...

He froze when she looked at him, her hands on the wheel.

"Aren't you getting in? I'm taking you to Zahra's."

Her voice was so calm it sent shivers down his spine.

The journey was relatively quiet. In other circumstances, Grimmer would probably have wanted to start a conversation with her. But she was sniffling, and sometimes wiped away a treacherous tear. So he placed his hand, carefully, on Esther's leg, applying pressure to make her feel less alone.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." Esther said simply as if she were talking about the bad weather.

"No, no, it's nothing... Do you want to talk about it?" He offered, looking at Esther's profile, who shook her head slightly.

"There's nothing to talk about."

Silence. Grimmer felt uncomfortable. Why did they always have to take two steps back for every one forward? It was driving him mad.

"You once told me that you were a pest with your parents..." Grimmer began, taking the look she gave him as a sign that she was listening. "I can see why. And you were right to act like that."

Esther said nothing. She didn't agree with what he was saying, but she had no strength left in her at all. She felt as if she were acting out of pure mechanism rather than out of interest or because she had decided to.

"In any case, the baby is healthy." Esther concluded as she turned a corner, as careful as ever on the road. "But a bit big for his age, isn't he?"

"He doesn't look very big to me... Friedrich was about his size..."

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, she was already frowning.

"Friedrich? Do you have a little brother?"

Shit, shit, shit, shit-

"No..." Grimmer didn't dare look at her, feeling his blood run cold as Esther brought the car to a halt near the pavement. "That's... That's my son."

"Great." Esther muttered as she turned off the ignition, and removed her seatbelt. "Just perfect."

"No, wait, Esther..." Grimmer got out of the car at the same time as her, and he thought she was going to explode, her whole body tense, as she locked the car and headed for the residential area. "I assure you I can explain."

"No, but I don't care. The problem isn't that you have a son..." Oh she was lying, it was quite a problem for her who had naively become attached to him without even considering whether he didn't already have someone. Concentrating on Zahra... How stupid she had been! "It's that you didn't tell me after all this time... I'm supposed to find out now that you have a family?"

"Esther..." Grimmer insisted, grabbing her arm, but she slipped through his fingers. He followed her, ignoring the worried look Zahra gave him as she sat with Pablo in his wheelchair near the building. "Esther, listen to me..." He continued, feeling his voice get louder, frustrated.

He didn't want her to be angry with him. He hated these moments when they both argued, and he certainly didn't want to ruin his relationship with her over a misunderstanding like this. He had to tell her what she wanted to hear, didn't he? Maybe that would fix everything.

Three words, he could do it.

"I..." He murmured before cutting himself off when he saw the look she gave him.

Disgust, anger, sadness, it was all there. She felt betrayed. And he knew that nothing he could say would make her feel better. Nothing he could do would make her feel better. He had to leave her. Despite the pain it was causing him too.

He vaguely remembered that he should never leave Katerina alone when she was angry. She needed comforting, and he needed to hold her close and whisper whatever she wanted to hear. But right now, he wasn't so sure anymore he knew what Esther wanted to hear, and he could bet that she would vehemently refuse to be touched. So he let her go.

He watched her go for a while until she disappeared into her building. And Bruno, on his balcony, stubbed out his cigarette.

"Bunch of amateurs..."

Esther stormed into her flat, slamming the door and throwing herself onto the sofa, screaming into one of the cushions.

It wasn't enough.

She pushed furniture around, knocking over books and chairs.

It wasn't enough.

She bit her fingers until they bled, scratching her arms until long red lines appeared. And that made her feel better, for a moment, but...

I hate you so much!

She clutched her head in her hands.

Oh, Nathaniel. Her little brother whom she loved so dearly and for whom she would do anything. He hated her now. She was useless. She no longer had a purpose. Everything she'd done up until now was pointless, because it was all up to him.

René, and Markus, and jumping off the fourth floor, and driving to Dortmund...

No, he was right, she wasn't even capable of attending the birth of his son. What kind of person was she?

His son... His son was surely her priority now. She hadn't had any good examples with René and Denise - she wasn't allowed to be referred to as his mother any more - but she knew that children took precedence over everything else in life. Children were the ultimate goal, the ones you always had to put first.

What was the point now? What was the point of putting Nathaniel first if he hated her?

Esther had hidden in the larder, as she used to do in the family home in Nice. This way, she could cry as much as she wanted, and there would be food nearby to comfort her. So that's what she did. She cried like a child, sobbing as if it were the only thing she knew how to do, the pain forcing out of her sounds she thought herself incapable of producing, like a wounded animal, like game when she missed the vital organs.

So that's what they were feeling, those poor animals she had shot without mercy. The intense burning that made her tremble until she was reduced to cowering on the ground, her heated cheek against the cold tiles. She parted her lips so that she could vomit again, feeling the sweet confusion of a fever flare up.

Esther wasn't sure if she had fallen asleep, but she was brutally awakened by the sound of her door opening. The nausea hadn't gone away yet, and the rancid smell of her vomit all around her wasn't helping to calm her nerves. She sat up and clamped both hands over her mouth when she heard footsteps entering her flat.

One, two, three. Three people.

"Essie?"

Nathaniel's voice rose first, which was hesitant, hoarse and nasal. He too had been crying, no doubt. She heard his hesitant footsteps searching the house.

"Essie, I'm sorry... I didn't mean what I said..."

All the way to his room where he couldn't find her.

"Essie, I'm sorry..."

To the bathroom where she showed no sign of life.

"Essie, don't do this to me..."

And finally into the kitchen, where she was hiding, just to the back right, in the pantry.

"Essie, no..."

"Is something wrong?" A woman's voice asked. Zahra.

"I can't find her..." Nathaniel stammered, his voice breaking, sobs returning to assault his throat. "She's gone, I've hurt her..."

"We'll find her." Grimmer's voice assured, though Esther was pretty sure she heard it tremble. "She couldn't have gone far, could she?"

"Bruno said he saw her go in..." Zahra replied, seeming to think. "He didn't say anything about her going out..."

"We've got to find her... Please, we've got to find her..." Nathaniel begged, beginning to sound more and more like a child. "I didn't mean any of it, I..."

"It's all right, Nathaniel. Of course you didn't mean it. We know that." Grimmer, as usual, was trying to comfort everyone.

Esther pressed her hands to her mouth all the harder.

"I'm going to ask Bruno to stay in case she comes back..." Zahra announced as she shouted down the corridor to a man.

Spanish, Esther thought, but she couldn't concentrate on what was being said, feeling sleep knock her back again. When she woke, she was on the sofa, and she sat up abruptly, before her head sent painful messages for her to sit down again, which she did, holding onto the leather of her seat.

"Hi."

Esther turned her head sharply towards the voice she didn't recognise, only to come upon a man about her age, handing her ibuprofen and a glass of water.

"I'm Zahra's older brother, don't panic." He continued, watching patiently as she swallowed the pill, before sitting down himself, holding out his hand. "Bruno."

"Esther..." Replied the woman, shaking his hand and pausing for a moment.

She recognised the hand she was holding. It was rougher, bigger, of course, stronger, too. She looked up at the man.

His big brown eyes, and his dark curly hair slicked back, and that smile that seemed mischievous even when it was sincere, and the golden hue of his skin, and that smell...

Cedarwood. She recognised very strong tones of cedarwood, a smell she'd always liked, without ever knowing why, but when she saw him...

"Brunito?"

Bruno smiled. "In the flesh. How you doing, Estrella?"

Chapter Text

"How did you find me?" Esther asked as Bruno sat beside her, arms lazily thrown behind his head, looking incredulously at him. She had made sure not to say anything and to make herself as small and discreet as possible.

"We used to play hide-and-seek together when we were kids." The man replied, tilting his head towards her. "You often hid in cupboards, or in places where only you could get in. You were tiny then. I just looked for you in places you could sneak into, now that you're bigger."

"I've..."

"Puked? I know, I cleaned it up." Bruno shrugged, and chuckled when he saw Esther grimace. "Don't start apologising, it's nothing, you just... I don't know, lost control over yourself, and that's normal." He paused for a moment before patting Esther's splinted knee. "How did you get that?"

"I fell... from the fourth floor of a building."

"Fell?" Bruno repeated suspiciously, and Esther said nothing. The man, shaking his head, put an arm around his friend's shoulders. "Well, I confess I don't believe a word of it, but I don't think you're in any fit state to explain anything to me anyway..." he said.

There was a moment of silence, when Esther pulled away from him slightly, uncomfortable with the sudden contact, her gaze blank. It was strange, remembering him, but not remembering everything around him.

She had no idea where she had met him, what they did together or how close they were. What she did know was that she trusted him. There was nothing in her that alarmed her about this man, who gave off something that made her feel good, like returning home after a holiday.

"You went back, then... The Green Demon's Den. The green-roofed house." Bruno interrupted the silence, though it wasn't tense or uncomfortable. "It must have been quite a shock, after all this time. Did you remember anything?"

"No... I suppose that's where we met?"

Bruno nodded slowly. "More than that, we spent years there... We became friends, we shared secrets... It wasn't the best place to spend your teenage years, but at least we were all together..." Bruno paused for a moment, looking at Esther. "Would you like to go back?"

"Huh?" Esther looked up at him, and recoiled at his proximity. Bruno cleared his throat. It was a bad reflex; as a child he used to stand very close to her so that he could whisper things without anyone hearing.

"The green-roofed house." Bruno repeated, putting a more respectable distance between the two of them. "Would you like to go back there?"

Esther looked up at him, blinking, then nodded. "Yes... I need to understand... To remember, you know? About Alice. You know everything, don't you?"

Bruno gave a sad little smile. "I remember a lot of things, but I wouldn't say I remember everything. I remember you most of all, to be honest. You were a bit of a leader in the band. You just have this big sister energy, you know what I mean?" Bruno's smile widened, resting his arm behind her, holding back his urge to hug her. "And you still have it. A lot of people are worried about you."

Esther frowned slightly. "Are the others looking for me?"

Bruno sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Yes, they're scouring the neighbourhoods. They're worried, you know..."

Esther's face closed. "Maybe they should have thought of that before." Surely she wasn't going to go back to them first without them making an effort. Few things managed to elicit such an extreme reaction from the woman, but...

I hate you so much!

No... That's... That's my son.

To hell with them all. It was the drop that made the vase shatter. It had been full for far too long, but despite the pressure of the accumulating water, it was able to withstand its condition. It had only taken a few words for the porcelain to break, for the water to flow freely, and for the vase to end up in pieces strewn across the floor, so damaged that Esther was soon unable to rebuild it, unable to find its original shape.

"In any case, I feel too ill to drive." She concluded, feeling nausea creep back into her body.

"I'll drive, then." Bruno offered, leaning towards her and catching Esther's intrigued eye. "I couldn't tell you why, Estrella, but I feel we have to go. Don't you?"

"Yes... But I'm scared. The last time I went, it was because Nathaniel had been kidnapped. By Alice, naturally."

"But, knowing you, last time you went alone." Bruno pointed out as he crossed his arms, straightening up from the sofa. "This time, I'm here to defend you. And if we run into Alice, I don't think she can handle both of us at once."

Esther seemed to consider her options for a moment. The headache had subsided to a dreadful buzzing that made her want to smash her skull against the nearest surface. Nevertheless, she felt something else, the opportunity, no doubt, for a way out that would allow her to slip away from the anger that was gradually building up, or even to use it in a situation that would be beneficial to everyone.

...to everyone?

Who would benefit from her going to Dortmund?

Herself, surely. After all, she was going there to recover her own memory, which for once had nothing to do with Nathaniel or his protection. And she felt free from the pressure of always wanting to be on his back, to follow him, to know who would want to hurt him and who represented a threat, even if simply hidden.

Was she being selfish, or was she simply opening her eyes to a new way of life? She had the impression that she was facing a wider field of possibilities in terms of how she could react and think, compared to the restricted vision she had when she was concentrating solely on Nathaniel. She considered herself freer to move, now, as if the thread - or rather, in this case, the solid knotted rope - which connected her to him had just snapped.

She had no right to continue ‘spying’ on him, as he so often said. She had no right to play the policeman. He was an adult, building his own family, and it was ridiculous to stop him because she wasn't capable of doing the same. No, she was sure, she would always be stuck in her teenage years, then as a young student, looking after her brother and learning to step aside to make more room for him. But she couldn't hold him back.

That would be selfish.

She grasped the hand Bruno held out to her, and it took her a little while to regain her balance when he pulled her to her feet. What strength! He had a grip that could surely hurt if he put his mind to it, but he held her hand gently, perhaps a little longer than necessary, before smiling.

"Off we go then!"

Nina was sitting upright in the back seat of the old burgundy Ford Mustang, recorder tucked away in her bag. She was, it seemed, the first person Esther had called after formulating the plan to return to Dortmund to find ‘the green-roofed house’, a place the young woman had never heard of, but she didn't have it in herself to say no to Esther.

After all, she didn't trust Bruno, the man who was currently at the wheel. She knew nothing about him except that he was Esther's neighbour, and supposedly a childhood friend, although Esther couldn't remember him precisely. Nina's suspicions were confirmed by the first look Bruno gave her. A cold, wary look, mixed with barely concealed aggression, like a warning, a threat. Nina felt shivers run violently down her spine, a reaction similar to her first encounter with Esther, and she quickly realised that the two were the same thing, whatever that might be.

Nina was lucky that he turned quickly to look at the road, while Esther looked out of the window absently, her temple against the glass. Nina wanted to know what Esther was thinking at the moment. When she received the call, she didn't immediately recognise Esther's voice: she was distressed, sounding as if she was on her knees, ready to commit an act she would surely regret. Nina knew immediately that she had to react.

Doctor Gillen was present when she received the call. He and Reichwein were talking about Esther's case, and the best strategy to finally unravel the mystery surrounding the woman, who was definitely involved in something even bigger than the prostitute murders. Nina had informed them that Esther was against the practice of hypnosis, no doubt on old medical grounds, and Gillen seemed to take no offence.

He had enough confidence in his abilities to be sure of getting her to talk, or at least to understand, through looks, positions and choice of words, the woman who could not have such a solid cover. If he only knew...

The call was sudden, and Nina hadn't expected it. She had understood that Esther had fallen ill, having claimed she suffered from food poisoning, which Nina found plausible in view of the astronomical quantities of poorly nutritious food that Esther regularly consumed. But she knew almost immediately that something was wrong.

"I've got to go back." Esther mumbled over and over, as if oblivious to being on the phone with another person, but rather in a conversation with herself. Nina could almost imagine her, on the floor, staring at the ceiling, eyes wide and dry, lips white.

So Nina had straightened up and simply told Reichwein that she wouldn't abandon Esther, then Gillen that she would record everything herself, before asking Dieter to inform Grimmer as quickly as he could. After all, she had to hurry if she didn't want Esther to slip through her fingers and ‘return’ to this unknown place. She knew that Grimmer would know which place it was.

So there she was, sitting and recording the conversation - sparse, but it was certainly a conversation nonetheless - between her two elders in the seats at the front of the car. She hadn't dared rummage in the bag at her feet, because she knew that any sudden movement would earn her a frosty look from Bruno in the mirror. She simply nudged it with her foot, lightly, so as not to make too much noise or attract suspicion, and concluded that, whatever it was, it was something relatively hard. Small in size, but very solid.

And, knowing Esther and the many stories told by Grimmer, it was most likely a weapon.

Nina couldn't blame him. From what she had understood of what was being said - which was very little, because her companions had decided to conduct their conversation in Spanish, which she only vaguely understood - the place was dangerous, and Esther had already had some bad experiences there. She shuddered at the name ‘Alice’, which had been uttered so many times by Grimmer before, but also by Tenma when he talked about the woman who had shot him in the leg, when they had gone... Where had they gone again?

Ah yes, Dortmund.

...oh.

Dieter had criss-crossed the town trying to find Grimmer. By this time, when he finally saw him, the little boy was out of breath, not even strong enough to shout his name, so he was grateful that the man came to him after making him out in the distance.

"Dieter? What are you doing here, my boy?" Grimmer asked as he knelt in front of him, both breathless.

"I was looking for you..." Dieter replied, wiping the sweat from his face with his forearm. "Nina got a call from Esther..."

Grimmer's face darkened immediately, and Dieter would almost have been afraid if he didn't know better. He knew that this hardened look was not due to any anger, but rather to a seriousness in the face of the enormity of the situation. Esther must be in danger, then. She had indeed disappeared, as the boy had feared. He couldn't help worrying slightly, replaying the words Nina had told him to repeat.

Dieter was a clever boy. Clever enough to understand that wherever Esther had ‘gone’, it was surely a place she should avoid at all costs. He had overheard many conversations. The adults didn't pay any attention to him when they were having their grown-up discussions, full of words he sometimes didn't understand. But he had heard enough to have heard about Dortmund, and by extension the green-roofed house.

He had heard it when he had gone to see Tenma in hospital - with whom he had laughed at the irony of seeing a doctor in a hospital bed - before listening to the report he had made with Grimmer on their expedition to the aforementioned town, in pursuit of Esther. Grimmer had said something about Nathaniel having been kidnapped, and that his big sister had immediately gone to his rescue. Dieter had immediately paid the coroner a great deal of respect, knowing that he too wanted to have that kind of strength, determination and courage.

In any case, the green-roofed house had been a place of disaster. The proof was that Tenma had returned with an operated leg, Nathaniel with a completely broken nose and a puffy face, and Esther could no longer get around without a cane. Whatever the reason for Esther's return, she would surely come back in a weakened, injured state or even dead.

Dieter paled visibly at the possibility that she might not return at all, and Grimmer gently laid his hands on her shoulders.

"Dieter." Grimmer called in a calm voice that managed to soothe the nerves of the child, whose throat was now too dry to speak, feeling his eyes sting. "Oh, Dieter..."

The little boy couldn't hold back a sob as Grimmer took him in his arms, and his shoulders shook as he remembered that Nina had followed Esther, so she was probably in danger too, but also that Grimmer would go after them the very moment Dieter told him where the two women had gone. He didn't want to be the cause of such a disaster. He didn't want Grimmer to rush off to Dortmund as well, for although he had been spared too much damage the previous time, he couldn't bring himself to say that the man's luck would prove so insolent again.

"Easy... There, catch your breath. Just like me, OK?" Grimmer murmured as he breathed slowly, urging Dieter to do the same, before raising his eyebrows when he felt the child cling to him tighter.

"Dortmund... They went to Dortmund..." Dieter sobbed. "I don't want them to get hurt, Grimmer! I don't want them hurt!"

Grimmer had completely stopped listening to what was going on around him. The only thing he was able to understand was the stream of thoughts that had come back to him. The green-roofed house, and Alice, and Nathaniel's beaten body, and the clank of the revolver he had emptied - and he had done well! - and then Esther rushing in to strangle Alice, and when he had held her back, and Tenma's scream as he was shot...

Grimmer let go of Dieter because he knew that if he continued to hold him, his embrace would become too tight, and he would end up hurting him. "Thank you..." He said simply as he stood up, but was unable to go and find Zahra to tell her the news as Dieter held his leg.

"I want to come with you!" Insisted the boy, determined not to let go, not to let him rush into the green-roofed house, to this place that seemed like hell, all alone. "I want to come too!"

Grimmer looked down at Dieter. He thought of taking a firmer stance, of pushing him away, of telling him that this was a stupid idea, that he should give up trying to ruin himself too, but he couldn't. 

He had seen, when he tried to negociate with Esther, that there was no point in trying to dissuade these stubborn people.

"So they're heading for Dortmund now..." Zahra repeated, as the group joined at the foot of Esther's building. She was firmly holding the handles of Pablo's wheelchair, who was still in his vegetative state, his eyes glued to the floor. The man had got used to the presence of the monster by now. After all, Grimmer had never been overtly aggressive.

Nathaniel was very uneasy, feeling sick at the thought of Esther returning to the place where he had been abused and locked up for several days. He remembered the coldness of the floor against his cheek, the smell of urine and mould on the basement walls, and it seemed to him that he had heard the little footsteps of rats in the room. He didn't want to go back. He didn't want to, he didn't want to, he didn't want to.

But Esther was there. Esther was there, and she was probably in an embarrassing situation. Grimmer had confirmed that Esther wasn't alone, since Nina was there with her, and Zahra had added that Bruno must also be there, since he couldn't be reached. In other circumstances, Nathaniel might have thought that Bruno had kidnapped his sister, but Zahra had reassured him that her brother also had every reason to hate Alice and would never work for her.

Still, he had stabbed her when he was fifteen.

"So what are we waiting for?" Dieter exclaimed, tugging on Grimmer's arm. "We've got to get going!"

"I can drive, if you like." Zahra offered. "On the other hand, Pablo has to come, I'm not comfortable with the idea of leaving him alone..."

"I'd rather not come..." Nathaniel whispered, looking at the rest of the group. "I'm sorry, I... I'm scared, and then Markus..."

"We don't blame you, Nathaniel." Zahra reassured with a small smile. "It's nothing, we all understand you."

Nathaniel lowered his eyes, feeling guilty. She was his sister. The only person who had ever supported him, and now he was abandoning her when she needed him. Really, actually, genuinely needed him.

Nathaniel had made the mistake of not telling his sister that Denise had come to Germany. He had thought, perhaps selfishly, that Denise was Markus's grandmother, so the old woman had a right to meet the baby. He had been so nervous during the birth, he had let Hilda destroy his hand, and he tried to encourage her as best he could, but he felt horrible. He wished Esther had been there, because Denise had been no support to him or his wife.

He'd said things he didn't mean. He'd just been so scared, and angry with himself, and it had seemed so ridiculous that Esther wouldn't forgive their mother after all these years. But when Esther had left, Denise hadn't even flinched. When Nathaniel had told her that his daughter had disappeared completely, and that he had no idea where she was, Denise had simply replied that she would come back, and that it was for the best.

Denise was convinced that Esther was a perfect copy of her father, and that it was better for her to disappear for a while than to become violent. And Nathaniel would have liked to reply that Esther was not violent, but he wasn't so sure. He loved his sister more than anything, of course, but... But sometimes she scared him.

"I'm sorry..." Nathaniel murmured, clenching his jaw.

"It's not your fault. Go back to your wife and son and keep them safe, okay?" Grimmer placed a hand on the young man's shoulder and the latter nodded slowly, becoming more determined again.

He wished he'd had that kind of passion in his eyes when his son was still alive.

"Well, what about the boy?" Zahra asked, looking down at Dieter, who was watching her suspiciously.

"I'm coming! Madam Leroy's my friend, and Nina's my friend, so I've got more friends than you in the car that's going to Dortmund!"

"Hey, Esther's my friend too." Zahra protested, crossing her arms.

"Not even true!" Dieter stuck out his tongue.

"I'll leave you to it." Nathaniel said with a slight smile, feeling in a better mood. "Call if there's any trouble."

"We'll be in touch." Grimmer confirmed, watching the young man walk away, his back bent. As if weighed down by guilt. He must have thought that if he had remained silent, then Esther would still be with them.

Grimmer shared his pain. If he hadn't said anything, then maybe... She would still have been angry, of course. He had long since established that Esther loved her brother above all else, but perhaps he could have contained the storm a little longer. Maybe he could have told her that he...

That he...

In any case, he would have helped her. But he'd been a fool and let Friedrich's name slip out. He knew he had to tell her about his past sooner or later. He knew too much about her not to confront her one day, and he would have told her everything about himself so that she wouldn't feel cornered. Every relationship was a give-and-take after all, and his relationship with Esther was something he particularly cherished.

But he was beginning to think that if he'd explained earlier, he could have done a lot less damage. If he'd explained before she felt... what she felt, maybe she wouldn't have felt so betrayed. But perhaps she would have been disinterested. He was well aware of the number of men who would never touch a woman who'd already had a husband, and maybe it happened with women as well, and although he knew Esther wasn't that sort of person, the way she'd been brought up - reflected in the almost haughty air she approached when she walked down the street sometimes - would surely have left its mark on her, even if unconsciously.

And since he knew she was interested in him, he didn't want her to walk away from him, which was wrong, and he knew it. She had every right to lose interest in him and go elsewhere if she wanted to, but he didn't want that. He wanted her to stay with him because he....

He...

"You're a child, it's dangerous for you to come!" Zahra took offence.

"Yes, well, you're three adults!" Dieter retorted, sticking to his guns. The two stared at each other for several moments before Zahra burst out laughing.

"I love that kid! Stay always close to us, okay? Come on, let's move!" Zahra gestured for Grimmer and Dieter to follow, as she pushed Pablo's wheelchair cheerfully.

Dieter was sitting in the back seat, glancing from time to time at Pablo, who was as limp as a flank. The man seemed oblivious to what was going on around him, his muscles atrophied, his eyes blinking very rarely despite the perpetual half-closed position of his eyelids. Dieter looked at him sadly, tapping his arm with his fingertip, pouting when he saw that he wasn't responding.

"Is he ill?" Dieter asked, continuing to look at Pablo with concern.

"You could say that, yes." Zahra sighed, behind the wheel. "He's been like this for several years, you know. But right now, I find him calm. He must like you."

Dieter gave a small smile, then turned back to Pablo. "I like you too. You seem like a really cool guy!"

"He was!" Zahra smiled fondly. "He played football like nobody else, you know? A goalscorer of the highest quality!"

"Oh yeah?" Dieter leaned forward to listen to Zahra speak.

"Yes, he was really super strong. He used to play with Esther. He taught her how to juggle the ball."

"He taught her?" Dieter returned his eyes to the man who only moved when the car moved. "You're super cool, then! I hope you get better!"

Zahra smiled, her eyes fixed on the road. Even Grimmer dared to let out a smile, letting the tension leave him momentarily as he was about to explode in the front passenger seat.

Dieter turned to the window to watch the scenery go by, his nose glued to the glass. And Pablo's eyes, for a very brief moment, turned in the direction of the little boy.

Chapter Text

"No answer." Grimmer announced as he hung up Zahra's phone, on which he had dialled Bruno's number.

Zahra frowned as she gripped the steering wheel between her fingers. "Ah, he's getting on my nerves..."

Dieter turned his head from the scenery. "For all we know, maybe he's driving? He shouldn't be on the phone when he's driving!"

"You're not wrong, Dieter, unfortunately." Zahra muttered as she squinted her eyes, which were still focused on the road. "But the fact remains that he could have warned me! He left without saying a word, and he's taking Esther with him!"

Grimmer frowned slightly, but said nothing. Dieter looked between the two adults before leaning towards Pablo. "Is it me or is the situation really tense?"

"I swear to God, it's always the same thing with Bruno..." Zahra rolled her eyes in frustration. "I understand that he's the most responsible of us all, and that he's got a job, and that he stands solitude than the rest of us, and is better off alone, but it's unbearable! Pablo and I can go days without hearing from him!"

Grimmer remained silent, his arms crossed.

"Ever since we were little, it's always been like that... Pablo is the oldest, since our eldest is no longer here, but since he can't do anything... I know he's like that, that it's his ‘thing’ to do what he wants. He comes home every time, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm still scared for him..." Zahra pouted, her eyes saddened. "He always comes home covered in wounds..."

"Does he get hurt?" Dieter asked from the back of the car.

"I know he has problems with managing his emotions... Especially anger." Zahra shook her head. "It's much stronger than he is, so it pushes people away, and he always feels bad afterwards... So instead of hurting others, he hurts himself... He leaves and then comes back when he's relieved himself, as he says. I wish he'd stop, but I don't know what to do."

"Er, OK, but what's that got to do with Esther? Why did he talk to her, of all people?" Dieter questioned, deeply confused.

"They used to know each other. He seems to feel that he was the one who was closest to her." Zahra entered the motorway, able to quicken the pace of the car. "I can't say no, I don't know how they interacted, both of them, but they seemed close. In any case, he was the one who initiated the search for Esther."

Grimmer squinted, looking at Zahra.

"I always thought there was something going on between the two of them..." Zahra muttered, shaking her head. "That would explain a lot."

Grimmer gritted his teeth. Changing the subject, he had to change the subject. The conversation was taking a turn he didn't particularly like.

"Any idea why he would want to take Esther to this place?" Grimmer finally asked, watching Zahra's profile grow tenser by the second.

"I have the impression that their memories are linked. It's not normal for him to be so attached to her even after all this time." Zahra replied, frowning as she was overtaken. "Oye, cabrón, overtaking on the right is forbidden!" She shouted indignantly at the car that had just passed her.

"What do you mean by that?" Grimmer continued, finally turning to Zahra, eyebrows raised.

"I wouldn't know how to explain it to you, I confess. They're just very close, I suppose. He's the one who remembers her best, after all. We saw it, he could talk about René, and Denise, and even Nathaniel, whereas I..." Zahra sighed, shaking her head. "After that, if there is something going on between the two of them, it's not my problem, it's just that here, in this instance, he's potentially putting her in danger."

Dieter looked at Zahra, then at Grimmer, confused. How could anything happen between Esther and Zahra's brother if the woman was in love with Grimmer? He didn't understand. He leaned towards Pablo again.

"I think they're both being a bit silly. Do you think I should tell them? I think I should, because this is getting serious." He whispered to the man beside him, trying to watch for a reaction that didn't come. Dieter pouted.

"It's true that the green-roofed house isn't the safest environment. Especially after what happened there..." Grimmer looked away, back to that crazy rescue day, when he and Tenma had tried to save both Esther and Nathaniel.

"I don't think Bruno means any harm..." Zahra gave a sympathetic little smile. "He's not evil, he just doesn't react like everyone else. You know what it's like, troubled childhoods..." She left her sentence hanging, giving him a knowing look. "He's doing the best he can. We all are."

"You're only saying that because he's your brother." Grimmer retorted, shaking his head. "You're all doing that, I feel. Defend your family members even when they're wrong. I wonder if I would have done the same, if..." Grimmer allowed himself to consider the possibility of having a sibling. Perhaps there was a family member, somewhere in Germany, who would not only know his name, but who would also be the person for whom he could make these kinds of sacrifices.

"Family is important..." Zahra shrugged. "It's the only form of love we're capable of feeling, the rest of us... In any case, I know that I've never managed to love anyone more than my brothers."

Grimmer gave a sad little smile. "Yes, I... I think Esther is like you. The relationship she has with Nathaniel..."

Zahra smiled again, then turned her attention back to the road. Dieter had remained relatively silent until now, but he thought it was finally time to speak.

"Er... I don't agree." Dieter said, swinging his legs slightly. "I think Madam Leroy is capable of loving people other than her brother."

"And that's good! She's quite right." Zahra sighed fondly. "It's not given to everyone, so if she can... She must love you a lot, mustn't she, Dieter?"

Dieter shrugged. "I don't know about me..."

Grimmer looked away, which didn't go unnoticed by Zahra, who suddenly widened her eyes.

"No... Don't tell me that..." Zahra almost lost control of the vehicle, but quickly returned her eyes to the road. "You and Esther..."

"No, no, we... It's complicated." Grimmer shook his head, and Dieter finally found an opportunity to speak.

"Madam Leroy isn't happy because she thinks Grimmer doesn't like her back." He let go and Zahra directed her gaze at Dieter in the rear-view mirror.

"What do you mean by that?" She asked as she felt Grimmer shrivel in his seat. She gave him a questioning look, which he avoided as much as he could.

"Actually, Madam Leroy is in love with Grimmer." Said Dieter, as Zahra almost choked on her saliva, and Grimmer covered his face with one hand.

He'd known it for some time, but to hear it so explicitly, from a child no less...

"And she hasn't been feeling well lately because she has the impression that he doesn't like her back." Dieter continued, playing with Pablo's limp hand. "She said she felt used by him."

"She said that?" Zahra huffed indignantly.

"Yes, she thinks Grimmer is using her feelings to ‘get what he wants’."

"What? Grimmer, is that true?" Zahra raged, shooting a murderous look at the man next to her, who shook his head sharply.

"No, no, I'm not using her for anything, I'm just... scared." He confessed.

"Yes, well, ‘scared’ is a big word, she's not going to eat you... So that's why she didn't call you first..." Zahra shook her head, before glaring at another car that had just passed her, but since it had been done respectfully, she held her tongue.

"No, that would be because of something else." Grimmer sighed, already exhausted from this conversation he wasn't sure he was ready to have just yet.

"It's probably because she's jealous. Madame Leroy thinks the two of you are in love."

Zahra nearly choked on her saliva a second time, and Grimmer looked at Dieter incredulously, turning to him.

"She said what now?"

"She said that when Nina and I went to her house. It was so fun back there!" Dieter grinned widely, before returning to his serious self. "But she thought you were in love because you go to Madam Zahra's all the time."

"Oh, no, my boy, no ‘Madam’, it ages me." Zahra let out a small laugh, before grimacing. "Esther has nothing to worry about, I feel nothing of the sort for Grimmer at all."

"I can confirm that I don't have those kind of feelings for Zahra either..." Grimmer muttered, settling back in his seat.

"Well, I'm not the one you should be saying that to." Dieter remarked with a shrug.

"He's right!" Zahra rejoined, pursing her lips. "How long has this been going on?"

"A few months, maybe..." Grimmer hazarded.

"A few months? You're lucky I'm driving, otherwise I'd have hit you!" Zahra rolled her eyes. "A few months she's chasing after you and you're just watching her do it?"

"I know I did wrong." Grimmer retorted, annoyed to hear what he'd been thinking for days. "And I also know that I need to set things straight with her because I've kept my secrets for too long."

"I beg you, tell me that you told her about Katerina and Friedrich." And, at the man's silence silence, Zahra gave a frustrated little cry. "God, how stupid you are! Completely stupid!"

"She didn't tell me about René either!" Grimmer protested, frowning. "Besides, if she'd known, maybe she wouldn't have been so interested in me..."

"But you don't know anything about that!" Zahra exclaimed, losing patience. "Oh dear, you're both tiring me out by not telling you anything! I assure you that as soon as we find her and we're sure she's safe, I'm not letting you go until you've explained yourself!"

"But there's nothing to explain..." Grimmer grumbled, glancing at Dieter in the back, who had started whispering to Pablo again.

"Grimmer, I'm definitely going to hit you." Zahra threatened, though there was nothing ominous in her tone, more exasperation. "We need to straighten things out between you two. You talk to her about your past, and she needs to talk about it too! You're both frightened by the conversation, and I understand you, but sometimes you have to be brave!" She glanced at Grimmer. "Do you love her?"

Grimmer didn't dare say anything for a moment. Did he love her? Did he?

He had read many books describing feelings of love. That kind of veil that disrupted rational thought, that heat that swelled up in your chest at the very mention of the person's name, and you felt sick, feverish, and wanted to get close to the other person at all costs, and wanted to protect them as best you could. You wished them health and happiness - but not happiness without you - and you did your best to prove to them that you were a good person, that you were a better choice than anyone else.

You became a bit selfish, you wanted all the attention, you didn't want to leave that person. You'd get sweaty palms and a dry throat, and you'd feel your heart pounding against your ribcage. You kept thinking about that person, and imagining... a life with them, a peaceful life, where you could just cherish them the way they deserved.

"I think so." Grimmer murmured.

"What the hell do you mean, ‘you think so’?" Zahra asked, trying to lower her voice, sensing that Grimmer was being more vulnerable.

"I don't know what it's like to love someone. I always thought I wasn't capable of it." Grimmer directed his gaze towards the road. "I can only go by what I'm told to try and understand how I feel. I've only been able to express my emotions recently, but then again, I don't necessarily understand them." He admitted, also lowering his voice. "So to say that I love her... Surely, that must be it, but I may never know for sure."

"If I may interrupt for a little moment..." Zahra attempted with a small smile. "I've seen people be in love, in my life. My brothers and I have been adopted countless times, even though we always ended up sneaking out. Stability wasn't for us. In any case, the parents loved each other, and it was never really the same. Everyone loves differently, don't they?"

Grimmer nodded slowly. He supposed she was right. He too had seen many people love each other, and it was never quite the same. Some showed extreme excitement, others calm joy, so yes, that feeling so strong that love - which he found to be an absolutely sublime, if alien, thing - manifested itself according to each person's individuality.

"So, yes, maybe you'll never be sure about feeling love, but if you think you're feeling it, especially so strongly, it's worth a try, isn't it?" Zahra gave a small smile. "After all, you've been involved in this case for so long, it must surely mean that you care about her..."

"And not just as a friend!" Dieter added. "Every time you talk about her, you get all weird." He continued, remembering all the times Grimmer talked about Esther. The man mostly complimented Esther when discussing her with Reichwein or Tenma, and even when he was frustrated with the way she was handling things, he never said anything mean. On the contrary, he just seemed disappointed that she didn't talk to him about her problems.

"Thank you, Dieter!" Zahra giggled, reaching a hand towards the back of the car to share a high five. "My little saviour. In any case, we can't force you two to talk. On the other hand, what we can say is that if you don't talk, you might not get anywhere. Dieter? Can you tell me if Pablo's asleep?"

Dieter leaned towards his neighbour, who was looking out, his eyes noticeably more open than before. "No, he's awake."

"Great. We'll stop at the rest stop so I can change him."

"Change him? Why?" Dieter asked, confused.

"You know, in this condition, Pablo isn't able to go to the toilet himself, so we have to put nappies on him." Zahra replied with a small smile. "I'm going to change him, because even if he doesn't say it, it must be very unpleasant to be dirty."

"What happened to him, anyway?" Grimmer worried as he looked at Pablo, who was sitting behind Zahra's seat.

Zahra pressed her lips into a thin line. "Vegetative state due to brutal brain damage. After seeing our brother dead, he fell to the floor unconscious, and the front of his skull hit the floor. The frontal lobe took a nasty hit, and so he had developmental problems."

Dieter grimaced as he looked at Pablo's forehead, which looked normal. "And he'll get better?"

"He's much better already. Before, he didn't react to anything. Now he makes little noises when we call him. I think he hears us, he just can't answer us... So we're getting closer to a state of minimal consciousness, instead of the vegetative state. Lately, we've been trying to get him to work on reaching for things on his own, instead of doing it by reflex."

Dieter looked down at Pablo's hand, which he held in his own. The fingers were trembling slightly. He gave a small smile. Pablo was so hecking cool.

About an hour earlier, it was the car containing Esther, Nina and Bruno that had stopped at the rest area, mainly to collect some food, but also to make a stop at the toilet.

Bruno had decided to stay in the car, watching over his companions' belongings, while Nina and Esther headed for the toilets. Esther was leaning heavily on her cane, while Nina was slowing her pace so as not to force the older woman to go any faster, which would surely tire her out.

Watching them drive away, Bruno glanced suspiciously at the back seat, and more specifically at Nina's bag.

"I've got a bad feeling about this, Esther." Nina confessed as the two women washed their hands. "I don't want to sound rude, but your friend... I don't know, I have a feeling there's something wrong."

"He's nice, you know. He's just a bit brusque." Esther replied as she dried her hands, but Nina stepped between her and the exit.

"I'm serious, Esther... I'm scared of him."

"Scared?" Esther repeated, raising an eyebrow. "Of him? Why?"

"I really wouldn't know how to explain it to you, but I have a feeling there's something fishy going on with him..." Nina pushed a lock of her hair back behind her ear. "He just gives off this impression of... aggression, you know? He looks dangerous to me."

Esther nodded slowly. "Yeah, I know what you mean, but it's just physical. Unless he said something to you? If so, I'd rather you told me."

Nina shook her head quickly, holding up her hands as if to placate an animal. "No, no, not at all! We've barely spoken to introduce ourselves, it's just that he... I don't know..."

Esther tilted her head, placing a hand on Nina's shoulder. "I know what you mean. Would it be much the same feeling as when you first met me?"

"Yes, that's exactly it!" Nina exclaimed, holding Esther's hand against her shoulder. "It's terrifying, Esther... I know it's probably because I don't know him. The proof is that I don't feel that way about you at all any more. But I just wanted to let you know what I think."

"And you did the right thing." Esther reassured with a patient smile. "I'll keep that in mind, I assure you, but what I can tell you, for now, is that where we're going might give us a good many answers as to why you feel this way, and why I felt it too when we first met."

Nina wasn't convinced, and didn't move, looking at Esther with a confused look on her face.

"Why do you trust him?"

"I beg your pardon?" Esther raised an eyebrow.

"Why do you trust him when you've both been separated for years?" Nina inquired, concerned. "Why him in particular?"

Esther didn't really have an answer to that, apart from the sense of comfort she felt around Bruno. It was as if her subconscious knew she didn't need to be on guard around the man.

"I'm not sure..." Esther admitted in a low voice.

"Look, I just want you to know that I find this strange coming from you... You didn't trust Lunge and Tenma, you barely trust Grimmer and me, but he..." Nina sighed, shaking her head. "I don't blame you, of course, but it makes me wonder... People change, you know."

"Yes, I'm well aware of that." Esther continued, looking away. "But it's definitely the first time I've felt comfortable with someone so quickly, and it's probably naive of me, but it's something I rather appreciate."

Nina gave a saddened look, before taking Esther into her arms. "Just be careful, Esther. Don't let the attachment you have for him override your judgement, okay?"

Esther sighed, wrapping an arm around her in return with a small smile. "When am I not careful?"

"Thank you." Bruno said as Esther handed him a bottle of water, opening it and taking deep gulps. "Let me know when you've finished, I'd rather not drive while you're eating. You might feel sick."

"That's nice, Bruno, thank you." Esther chuckled as she took a bite of the sandwich.

Bruno then remained silent. He wasn't hungry, his body jolting with adrenaline as the two women chatted happily over their meal. He didn't necessarily like staying in one place for an extended period of time, as it increased the risk of being caught out - he knew that Esther hadn't told anyone, but Nina was a different story - and he had promised himself that he wouldn't stop until he had returned to the green-roofed house. He couldn't go back there alone, to recover his memory, because for one thing he didn't know where it was, and for another, because most of his memories were intimately linked to Esther, and he could feel it in the force of attraction she exerted over him.

Bruno knew he had acted on impulse, taking Esther with him without even telling Zahra, but he had always been like this. On the sidelines. Most of the time no one paid any attention to him, so he assumed that no one would notice if he went off on his own. The only thing he'd been good for so far was providing protection for the family, and being the person who replenished the coffers through his many jobs, since he'd never been able to benefit from a formal education, leaving that chance to Zahra, who had become a doctor in anthropology.

He was content to take one low-paid job after another, but the accumulation of experience meant that he was able to earn a satisfactory salary. He filled his CV with work experience, and gradually worked his way up to less strenuous jobs. He still remembered the days when he worked days on construction sites, then nights as a waiter in a restaurant. He remembered how his back was killing him, and yet, as soon as he got home, he had to carry Pablo to the bath to wash him, even though that job, his job with the family, was the job he enjoyed the most.

He loved the little moments he spent with his brother and sister, but he always felt like an outsider. He felt that he wasn't there when he needed to be, that he wasn't important. After all, Zahra looked after Pablo very well on her own when Bruno was just falling asleep on the sofa, unable to stand up and content with any second of sleep he could get. So he told himself that it was surely no big deal for him to disappear for half a day.

Esther, on the other hand, was a different story.

He hadn't expected such a surveillance. Esther was a woman almost in her forties, so he would have thought she could at least do whatever she wanted. That she was capable of making choices. It seemed she wasn't.

He had said nothing when Esther had told him that for several months now she had been tracked to ensure her safety. He had remained silent when Esther had admitted that she understood their concern as she was the type of person who got herself into rather complicated situations, which had the gift of annoying those around her. On the other hand, he felt very strongly that she should put up barriers with those people who were slowing her down. After all, she was capable of thinking for herself and facing up to the consequences of her actions.

Bruno had always thought of Esther as the most mature of the group. She had the kind of way of thinking that allowed her to put herself in other people's shoes, while looking at the situation from an outsider's point of view - but never objectively, because she was never cruel and always empathetic. He supposed that many doctors knew how to do this sort of thing, but she had already demonstrated this ability when she was a child.

He had always wanted to be like her. So he supposed that when he saw his older brother die, it must have been a shock. He too knew that he was the monster, but had decided not to act because of the bond he shared with him. He had thought that, if they had more time, perhaps they could come up with a plan and leave together. Nevertheless, he didn't remember his brother, only in fragments - and perhaps that was the nuance that made him not hold a grudge against Esther - so his death was less traumatic than it would have been in any other context. It was ridiculous. It was wrong.

Murder was murder.

But Esther, like himself and Zahra and Pablo, was a victim of circumstance. Worse still, he told himself it was all his fault. He should have told Esther that he knew too, but that they had to fight back. He should have told her his plan to escape - after all, if they'd alerted René or the police, they might have managed to leave together and get to safety - and he could surely have held her back longer. He wasn't angry with Esther because he knew she had her reasons.

In return, Bruno had done what he had to do. He had planted in the girl's mind at the time a way of freeing herself from the grip of the Green Demon's Den, as he liked to call it. The green-roofed house at night, from the cabin in which he and the rest of the small group tried to sleep, seemed to be an entity apart.

He had stabbed Alice. Hard and brutal, in the abdomen. From what he understood, she had survived, and that had frustrated him immensely. He'd wanted to stab her several more times, but he'd been restrained. The instructors were holding him down, smashing his face into the floor until his vision blurred and he could taste dirt in his saliva, mixed with the blood from his nose crushed by repeated collisions, and he could feel the air being cut off as they kicked him in the stomach as if he were an animal. He could have thrown up if he hadn't been so focused on his task. Despite his lips turning blue, bruised, he kept shouting at Esther to finish the job while he was being dragged away.

Bruno had continued to struggle, trying to get the instructors to let go of Zahra, who was being pulled by the arm and hair, and to leave Pablo, who was being dragged along the floor, alone. He had felt so weak, and his body was shaking with pain, and he couldn't move, immobilised by the instructors as he was locked in a bag and then in the boot of a car. He oscillated between consciousness and sleep, and soon he couldn't feel his face or his hands or his legs, and he started to cry. He started crying because he couldn't do anything, even though it was his job to make sure everyone was all right. He usually took the punishment for everyone, but now...

Bruno turned his eyes to Esther, who was sitting next to him and politely wiping her lips after she'd finished eating, and his gaze softened. He had missed her so much. He would have taken her hand if he could. He would have taken her in his arms and never let her go again. But he couldn't, not now. They had to get back what they'd lost in that house.

He glanced at Nina in the rear-view mirror. He'd never had anything against her before. Perhaps he was too suspicious. He knew she didn't trust him, but the feeling was mutual. She was a monster and he knew it. He would wait for the moment when she showed who she really was, and when she did, he hoped Esther wouldn't resent him for doing what he had to do.

"It's on this way." Esther pointed out. "We should park closer to the house. Last time, it was horrible to walk to the car."

Bruno nodded, directing the car onto the path Esther had pointed out. It seemed strange to him to find this corner so isolated from the world, when Dortmund was known as an industrial city. But these roads looked surprisingly modern despite the metres of trees that stretched out. Numerous other dwellings, although smaller than he remembered from the green-roofed house, could be made out behind the vegetation. Close enough to make sure they weren't completely alone, but too far away for the neighbours to see or hear them.

He could see the green tiles from a distance and felt his breath catch.

"Are you sure you want to go?" Esther asked, giving him a worried look. "You don't have to if you're not ready." 

Bruno didn't reply, but gripped the steering wheel tighter, continuing to move the vehicle forward. He stopped a few metres away, parking on a stretch of tarmac that wouldn't impede traffic if any cars happened to be passing by - which he very much doubted.

There was a moment's hesitation before everyone got out of the car. Nina immediately came to stand next to Esther while Bruno retrieved the bag from the back, locking the car as the little group made their way towards the gate, skirting the small stone walls that marked the boundary of the grounds.

"The last time I was here, the gate was open. Because Alice was waiting for me." Esther pointed out, as Bruno pushed the bars, which did not give way.

"Reassuring, then, that it's locked." Bruno muttered as he kicked the bars, then a second, before the gate opened with an infernal din. He adjusted the bag on his shoulder and entered the estate first, followed by Esther and Nina.

Bruno observed his surroundings, paling by the second at the sight that was offered. He knew this terrain, and the stone slabs over which Pablo had been dragged. He knew the small indentation that ran around the residence, a circuit he'd walked hundreds of times at the very least.

He opened the bag and handed Esther her Smith & Wesson, which this time was loaded. Bruno had taken care of finding and returning the ammunition. Grimmer had told him that he had emptied the gun, so Bruno had tried to make up for the problem. He hadn't managed to find the rifle, though, so the revolver was their best solution. He took out another - his own-, in turn, and armed himself as the group progressed.

Nina was behind the two and had pushed the gate behind them again. It was not locked, so as not to slow Grimmer's progress when he eventually came, but it seemed to be, to deter potential thieves. She followed the duo to the front, watching them in turn and lingering over the weapons they were holding. They weren't here for fun, and she knew it.

Bruno paused, and called to Esther, pointing to a spot towards the back of the field, a spot Esther hadn't seen the first time she'd come, having assumed Nathaniel would be in the residence, where the earth had been turned over.

"The hut was there." Bruno said simply, walking towards the designated spot, Esther hot on his heels. "This is where we used to gather and sleep every night. My bed was here." Bruno recalled as he positioned himself on the far right of the square of earth. He couldn't really call it a bed, as it was just a sheet for the children to wrap themselves in. "Do you remember?"

Esther looked at the square of earth with pursed lips, shaking her head slowly. Bruno gave her an encouraging smile.

"It's all right. Come on, we'll look at the rest."

Esther took the hand Bruno had held out to her, and he directed her to the main door. Esther pushed the handle. The door was closed.

"Excuse me..." Bruno murmured, as Esther moved out of the way as Bruno put his hand on the handle. He had done this before, when he was younger. Alice and René obviously locked the door at night, so Bruno had learned to open it without needing a key.

He gave it a sharp tug, then pushed it open with his shoulder, and the door gave way, rolling off its hinges with the same creak that Esther had heard when she came to fetch Nathaniel. He wasted no time in taking her hand again and took the first step inside.

Nina had to squint to make out the sterile, cold and dusty interior. There were few personal belongings, and nothing that could give her any information about the person who had lived here.

"Over there was the kitchen..." Bruno whispered, taking a torch out of his bag to illuminate a closed door in the distance. "I used to go there to get us food during the night, because they never gave us enough to keep us full..."

Esther nodded slowly. "Can we go in there?"

"Of course." Bruno smiled gently as they walked together to the kitchen.

Nina felt like she was too much. She felt like she was intruding on something where she didn't belong. Their memories were theirs, after all, and she had no right to stand there with them as they mourned the loss of their childhood. She understood how they felt. She too had had a difficult past, and she could imagine that perhaps they needed a moment alone.

But she thought back to the recorder in her bag, and she told herself that it would be better if she stayed with them.

"I can hold the torch, if you like." She offered, and she couldn't see the look Bruno gave her, his face unlit by the light, but he handed her the torch, and Nina gave a small smile as Esther pushed open the kitchen door.

The room was even more sterile. The furniture was old, and some of it didn't even fit any more. The atmosphere was almost stifling.

"The fridge was there." Bruno pointed to the corner directly opposite the door. "But I preferred to go into the cupboards because they kept sweets in there..."

Esther gave a small smile as Bruno squeezed her hand gently. He led her out of the kitchen, and they continued to a part of the ground floor that Esther had not visited the first time, distracted by the noise upstairs. He pushed open a door, and Nina shone the light into the room, which might have been a bedroom, but was decorated only with a carpet and a 1970s television.

"This is where Pablo ‘trained’." Bruno announced as he took a few steps towards the television, deciding not to touch it, and simply blew on it, raising a cloud of dust. "I never knew what they were making him do. They must have been showing him shocking images. Pablo couldn't sleep at night."

Esther frowned slightly. Yes, she remembered this room. The carpet had become dull with age, but she remembered the watery green colour it used to be, and could almost make out a little boy, sitting in front of the television with its soft bluish light that must have burnt his retina. But he wasn't moving. He couldn't move. He didn't react when his door opened.

"Pablo..." Esther repeated, her voice lowered, as she tried to remember the features of the boy's face, almost seeing him turn his eyes towards her.

Almond-shaped eyes. Dark brown. Thin lips that seemed to wince all the time. His hair was cut short, almost close to the ends, so that it lost the fluffiness of the tight curls, and was as deep a brown as his eyes. He had long eyelashes and a flat nose, and his skin was a darker brown than that of his brother and sister.

Esther was startled, jumping slightly, when she felt Bruno's hand on her shoulder. She turned her eyes towards him as he gave her a small smile. She couldn't make out his features in the semi-darkness, as Nina continued to examine the room with the torch.

"Do you remember him?"

She couldn't tell how close he was, but his voice was far too close. She swallowed her saliva with difficulty.

"Yes. Pablo..." Esther turned her eyes back to Nina, then covered her face as the latter shone the light towards her.

"Oh my! Sorry, I thought you were looking another way..." Nina stammered as she lowered the light. "I'm so sorry..."

"It's nothing." Esther blinked several times, feeling Bruno's hand around hers as he led her further into the house.

They stopped in front of the stairs.

"Upstairs were for you and Zahra." Bruno said as he helped Esther up the stairs. "And on the top floor was for... my oldest brother."

"What about you?" Esther asked.

"I was outside." Bruno admitted, clenching his jaw. "I'll explain later."

Bruno pushed open the door to the first floor, which was brighter because the windows were not covered. Bruno let go of her hand, and Esther looked at him confusedly.

"I'd rather let you rediscover this on your own. After all, I've never been to the first floor before, and I don't want to start now..." Bruno gave her a small smile, before winking at her. "You shout if you have a problem, all right?"

"Er, yes. Thanks, Bruno." Esther nodded softly, grateful, as Bruno descended the stairs.

Nina switched off the torch, and felt torn between the need to keep recording Esther, and the respect she had for the woman. This was surely a very important moment for her.

Nina lowered her arm, and took a few steps back. "See you later?" She tried, a little uncomfortable at the idea of leaving Esther alone.

But the smile the woman gave her reassured her greatly.

"See you later."

Nina took a little longer to get back down the stairs, and was on her guard when she noticed that she didn't know where Bruno had gone. She looked around suspiciously, feeling her heart speed up as if she were running a marathon while standing still, static at the bottom of the staircase. She backed up against a wall, to make sure he couldn't sneak up on her.

But surely he wouldn't do that, would he? He meant her no harm...

At least, that's what Esther seemed to think.

Nina was scared. Really scared. In thinking of leaving Esther alone, she hadn't thought that she herself would be alone with this man who gave her the creeps. She was beginning to sweat heavily. She moved the torch around to make sure he didn't suddenly appear out of nowhere.

Then she heard a noise coming from outside and decided to go out. And Bruno, in the grounds, was walking along the indentation in the earth, like a racetrack around the residence. He stared into space, his mind elsewhere, but stopped when he saw her. He gave her an indescribable look.

‘Who are you really?’

The man's tone didn't sound confused. Nor did he sound worried. On the contrary, his tone was authoritative. As if he was giving her an order. And Nina was even more frightened. Surely she could go back inside, run and look for Esther. He had no light after all. He wouldn't follow her as fast.

"I'm... I'm Nina..." Nina replied, clutching the torch tighter in her hand.

And then, if anything happened to her, Esther would hear her, and could shoot... She was armed after all.

"No. You're a monster. That's not your name. You have no name." Bruno replied curtly, rummaging through the bag.

Nina's blood ran cold through her veins. Was he going to kill her? She had to do something, and she was ready to throw the object she was holding the moment he drew his weapon. Nevertheless, it wasn't a weapon that he drew from his bag. Perhaps it was something much worse.

It was her recorder.