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Everything had been going fine. He had successfully stayed hidden when tracking that ability user, and the Black Lizard Squad was all in formation, ready to ambush their target.
So, why was he lying in a crater, bleeding everywhere? He was dizzy from blood loss, his arms and legs were mangled beyond repair, his cheeks hurt from excessive use, he was crying tears of blood, and he was choking on his blood. He wasn’t in pain, though that may be because his sense of pain has been dulled so much that he no longer feels anything. Just another thing he’s lost that made him human.
The area around him was chaos, nature destroyed in the face of a god craving endless destruction. From the looks of it, the god had stayed in the forest where he went against the man who caused all this. However, something puzzled him.
‘If I used Corruption, then why am I back? And from how quiet everything is, Dazai isn’t the one who stopped my rampage.’
~ -------- ~
14 hours before his inevitable death...
Nakahara Chuuya remembers most of his day. He woke up early, had a light breakfast, went to the gym to work out a bit, went to work on time, and then he was assigned a mission by the Boss. Nothing was out of the ordinary.
Mori-san had repeatedly warned him to be cautious around this particular ability user from America. For reasons regarding his… recent health .
"Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, head of a newly formed organization called the Faust, consisting of 30 members so far. Even though this organization is fairly new, they’re not to be underestimated,” Mori goes over the files with him because it was a last-minute mission. “His ability name is The Sorrows of Young Werther, and from previous records on this man's appearances, all of his victims have lost their minds and committed suicide based on a fulfilled condition, though we don't know what. It's best if you don't have any direct interactions with him, don't give him the time to activate that ability of his. And Chuuya, I may be sending you on this mission, but you must exercise caution."
"Understood Boss, I’ll be careful. And what of the members?"
“The ADA is also working on this case, so they will be capturing the members. We just need to focus on eliminating the head.”
Assured, Chuuya bows and leaves the office, calling the Black Lizard squad who were also informed of this mission. “Hirotsu-san, any sightings of this ability user?”
“Yes Chuuya-san,” Hirotsu responds through the phone. Gin and Tachihara were gathering their members to go meet with the executive. “We will meet with you in the meeting room soon.”
Chuuya hung up, sighing as he looked at the picture of this man. Blonde hair, cold grey eyes, and a slim tanned face. Recently sighted within the city, though his motives are unclear. Now on the floor of his office, he grabs a few essentials before going into the meeting room right next door.
Really, there was nothing out of the ordinary on this sunny day. Last-minute missions, strategizing with the Black Lizard, eating lunch, having tea time with Ane-san to vent, and then jumping straight to finishing the mission as soon as possible.
“What is the Boss thinking, constantly sending me on last-minute missions?!” Chuuya was rambling to his coworker and mentor, Ozaki Kouyou. “Ane-san, he never does this with you!”
“Lad, calm down and drink your tea. It’s getting cold,” Kouyou is calm in the face of a venting coworker, though the lad would never be able to intimidate her. Many would tremble in fear at Chuuya’s intimidating snarl, but to her, he was just a growling do- her upset student. “The Boss finds you competent, which is why he’s giving you a lot more missions. Who knows? Maybe he’ll give you a raise after a while. We’re also working in different departments. Other than information gathering and assassinations, Mori-san will not bother me.”
“Maybe I should just start taking over what Ace had left behind,” Chuuya grumbled, snacking on the pastries placed in front of him. “Then he won’t bother me as much…”
“ Lad.”
“ I know. It’s not happening, but one can still hope… ”
After tea time, he goes back to his apartment, preparing his disguise at the location where Johann might show up. It wasn’t much, just some casual clothes along with a leather jacket. Chuuya hides a few knives in his jacket sleeves and boots, and he’s out the door.
…
The tailing was easy- suspiciously easy. You would think that a target of the Port Mafia would be aware of their surroundings. Chuuya has been sitting in nearby cafes and browsing through books in nearby bookstores, and not once has his target seemed on guard. Other than the occasional phone calls probably from his members and a call from Dazai- which he immediately declined, the head of the organization seemed carefree. Chuuya knows he shouldn’t let himself go lax, but he couldn’t help it. Other than the occasional reports back to Hirotsu, he could treat this as a small break from the hectic mafia schedule.
Following for five hours straight around Yokohama, Johann finally makes a move worth noting. He goes into the forest. Chuuya follows along, making sure to keep a distance.
He should’ve known good things never last for Nakahara Chuuya, such is the life of a mafioso. He makes an amateur mistake. One that unknowingly would cost him his life. Extremely focused on following his target through the forest, noticing too late, he steps on a branch . The foreigner immediately turns to the source, and Chuuya is unable to hide in time, leaving a trace of orange. Curse his hair color. Seeing his cover was blown, he quickly reviewed the options to deal with this situation. Either it is direct confrontation or fleeing. Both were not ideal for him and would mean he would fail the mission, disappointing the Boss.
He was not given much time to come to a decision, and that hesitation to act gave the ability user time to close in on distance. The foreigner dashes toward him with a gun in hand, going for the tree Chuuya was hiding behind. The mafioso decides to use his ability the moment his opponent gets close enough, and maybe that would finish him off.
Making up his mind, Chuuya emerges from hiding, gloved hands touching the tree he was standing by, ripping it from the soil. He throws it at the assailant before covering his face. Who knew what the condition for activating his ability was, but he wasn't going to risk it.
The thrown tree doesn't hit the foreigner, who had rolled away from the approaching tree cannon and quickly falls back onto his feet. His gun was pointed in the general direction of where the tree came from, but the person was gone.
'Behind!'
Chuuya's opponent is kicked in the head from behind, his grip on the gun faltering at the sudden tackle before angling toward the back.
The gun was fired at Chuuya, who stopped the bullet when it was close to his head. Additionally, the person underneath his foot was further pressed down on the ground, his bones slightly creaking at the increase in gravitational pull.
The second mistake was when the man's vest made a poof sound and smoke filled the air.
'Gas bomb? No!' Chuuya jumps away from the source and covers his mouth, not knowing what kind of gas it is. However, the gas has already seeped through his clothes and into his skin. His chest tightens and his stomach cramps in unbearable pain, causing his hold on the ability user to loosen. His opponent stumbles to get up, a smirk on his face seeing the tables turned. He was visibly unaffected, probably from long-time exposure.
"I recognize you, you're that Port Mafia executive," the blond man taunts, walking up to Chuuya who was struggling against the effects of the gas. "You're Nakahara Chuuya, the strongest martial artist in your organization."
The man was looking down at him, his pupils swirling?- SHIT!
Chuuya immediately looks away from the man, but the other just laughs at him. "It's useless, mafioso. Eye contact isn’t the condition to activate my ability. And there’s no one here coming to save you.”
His opponent snaps his finger, and there is a burst of red light, English letters swirling around him before disappearing.
Immediately, the man shoots at Chuuya's shoulder bones to prevent further use, smiling in joy at the orange-haired man's muffled grunts of pain, his hand stubbornly clasped on his mouth and nose. The man continues on, knowing that the mafioso would not be able to relay back the information. “Say, what do you think it is?"
Chuuya, occupied by the pain and keeping his mouth shut, only murderously glared back. “It’s unrequited love . Isn’t that hilarious??” The man watches as Chuuya freezes up, dread filling his eyes as he looks back up at the enemy who has brought him down to his knees. “After activating my ability, I realized that even a ruthless man like you has something this tragic! I wasn’t expecting my ability to work on you , I’m quite lucky!” He feels something shifting inside him, and he doesn’t like the feeling it’s giving him.
'I fucked up… and it’s all-'
The nerve gas hasn’t dissipated- how long will it last?- and he’s losing control over his limbs. His eyes go hazy, no longer able to support the arm that covers his mouth. After everything, he hoped thought that he no longer loved him, yet his opponent trampled on that frail belief just as ruthlessly as that beautiful and breathtaking unattractive and scrawny man.
‘It’s that Dazai’s fault… as always…’
With that last thought, he loses consciousness, his last memory of his opponent smirking at him as he runs away, the smoke swirling around Chuuya’s vulnerable form.
…
‘Human, you have not called upon your dark disgrace’
…
‘Human, can you hear me? You have not summoned me’
…
‘Human, I’m giving you one more chance. I’m being considerate here’
…
‘Oh my’
It smiles in deranged joy
‘Don’t mind if I do then, it’s your fault for not answering me,
Chuuya’
‘Chuuya’ opens his eyes, though instead of its usual bright sapphire eyes, they were a swirling dull blood red, shining dark rubies at the “offering”.
‘I’ll be sure to reward you for this’
Hell unleashes, accompanied by the many shades of red and maniacal laughs.
~ -------- ~
Back to the present…
Just like the rest of the times he’s used Corruption, he doesn’t remember what he did or how long he’s been using it. Usually, Dazai would be the one to nullify it, keeping track of the time and making Arahabaki’s voice cease with his ability. When Chuuya woke up, he expected constant screaming, clawing for more freedom. Peculiarly, it’s silent.
‘According to Dazai, his body could handle 20 minutes of Corruption, a few weeks of rest and healing under extreme supervision before he’s back to full condition. This amount of damage though… 30-45 minutes of use without restraint. That damn bastard.’
Not that it mattered. He’s in tatters, and by the time the paramedics make it, he’ll most likely… he doesn’t want to think about it, but he had entertained the thought of death and how he would go. He knew it was a possibility that he would die to Corruption, because no human could cause that much destruction and this was his sin to atone. Right, his target- though Chuuya’s pretty sure he’s dead with that much destruction around him. Human legs could only take him so far. He hopes Mori won’t be mad at him for this much property damage that would be difficult to cover up.
Chuuya stares at the full moon and realizes that although he’s used to seeing the moon, he’s never admired her beauty. She was always there, watching over him as he kept the peace at night, providing them light as they worked in the dark. He had asked about her to him before, and he’s never seen her for that afterward. He feels like writing poetry all of a sudden dedicated to Her Grace. Even now, she bathes him in such soft and ethereal lights despite the mistakes he’s made.
He was dying, and it was inevitable. He knew it would happen, just not so soon.
He thinks of the what-ifs, feeling the breeze tousling his hair. Despite his head hurting, despite feeling sluggish and growing colder from hypothermia, he could still think. He knows he has some regrets- like wanting to talk to his Ane-san one more time and thank her for everything, wanting to open that wine he’d been hoping to drink today, and wanting to pet a dog and coo at its cuteness. He would also like to go back to that particular bookstore he entered when tailing that bastard ability user. There was an interesting poetry book in there he would’ve purchased had he not been on a mission. And maybe go see the Flags one last time to clean up their graves and gift them flowers as his last gift to them.
And most of all… he had put it in the back of his mind, suppressed those feelings that bloomed into corpse flowers when he was 16-17-18- and left to wilt after. But however rotten it was, the flowers would still fight, desperate to live despite the neglect in that little corner of his mind. But maybe they weren’t corpse flowers anymore… maybe they would have bloomed into white lilies…
Maybe he should have answered that call…
With only the moon to witness his death, he looks at the moon and speaks to Her once again, but in love and sadness this time.
“Dazai, isn’t… isn’t the moon… beautiful tonight?”
…
You sleep so peacefully in a puddle of your blood,
Yet I don’t find the mess repulsive
…
Thank you for your confessions, dearest child
…
I will keep them safe for you
…
“CHUUYA!!!”
~ -------- ~
Halfway across Yokohama… before his death…
Dazai couldn’t put a finger on this unsettling feeling he’s had since he arrived at the ADA for work. Kunikida yelled at him like usual for being late, and he had his usual comebacks before sitting on the couch, putting on his headphones so he could concentrate without all the noise.
Everything was peaceful, as far as he knew. The Decay of Angels had finally been dealt with, and the police and government were no longer chasing the detective agency. Everything was back to normal, and the citizens' trust in them had returned. Everything was back to normal , so he shouldn’t be feeling this way. And yet…
“Dazai, the President has called us for a meeting,” Kunikida approaches the couch and yanks the headphones off of Dazai. “There’s been another member of the organization spotted.”
“Yes yes Kunikida, you’re so naggy today~” Dazai tiredly drawls, taking back the headphones and heading to the meeting room. A lot of foreign ability users have been popping up these days, and they all had ties with each other. They so far managed to capture two members of this foreign organization, and they both have similarities. Same tattoos, same preachings, same name mentioned. Johann.
In the meeting room, Kunikida reported that there have been reports of the Faust tattoo, a devil with horns and wings, spotted on another foreign man. He was seen around the Yokohama Shopping District, browsing through the stores for something.
“The Port Mafia will also be handling the case, though we won’t have any run-ins with them. They’ll mainly be focusing on the head of the organization,” Kunikida says, pushing his glasses up at the mention of the mafia.
“Bleh, I bet that slug will be handling it,” Dazai says, frowning in distaste at this so-called “slug”. Though the other members knew who he was talking about.
“Dazai-san, you shouldn’t talk about the executive that way…” Atsushi, who was seated next to his mentor, softly reminded Dazai. Of his few run-ins with the two, they start crazily bickering like a switch was flipped on. Insults were exchanged, nicknames were abused and reused, and there were kicks and punches thrown into their messy reunions. However, Chuuya was respectable when not around Dazai, and Kunikida who had been forced to work with the executive also approved of him, much to the other’s reluctance to acknowledge.
“That is not our concern. Our job is to gather the remaining 28 members of the Faust, so Ranpo-san will be helping out in making our captures quick and efficient.”
“You can always leave it to me!!” Ranpo boasts as usual from his seat, snacking on chips that were trending recently.
Seeing everyone was briefly filled in, Kunikida gets to business. “Now, onto the splitting of groups…”
Group A: Kunikida and Dazai
Group B: Atsushi and Kyouka
Group C: Kenji and Tanizaki
Group D: Yosano and Ranpo
“Yosano and Ranpo won’t be actively looking for the members, instead will be handling any casualties that may happen should the members ever escape from custody. The rest of us will be spread to the different districts and will be working with the police.” Kunikida concludes the meeting.
“Everyone, exercise caution when dealing with this organization,” Fukuzawa, who had been silent the entire meeting, finally spoke up towards the end of the meeting. “Usually, new organizations would be handled by us- the Port Mafia doesn’t have the time to deal with every new organization, which is why it falls under our jurisdiction. But now the Port Mafia is involved and one of their executives is personally handling this mission. This means the Faust isn’t to be dealt lightly with.”
“Yes, President!”
With the meeting ended, everyone was packing up and leaving the meeting room, Dazai and Ranpo being the last ones inside. Dazai was still spinning in his chair, still thinking about this bad feeling. His files were filled with doodles of slugs and dogs- ugh, he’s even invading his brain at this time-
“Dazai,” Ranpo suddenly spoke up, munching on a bag of gummy worms. This grabs the brunette’s interest as he stops spinning. “You should give Fancy Hat a call.”
“Ugh, why should I call the dog? He should be checking up on his master instead, not the other way around!” Dazai rejects, not wanting to have anything to do with that shorty.
“Dazai, give him a call today,” Ranpo was serious now, his eyes opening to reveal piercing emerald eyes. “Make him promise to call you back as well.”
“...Ranpo-san seems insistent on this,” Dazai’s head tilts in contemplation seeing the Detective so serious. “Is there a reason why you want me to call him?”
“We don’t have Mr. Fancy Hat’s contact information, so you should do it,” Ranpo answers, though he and Dazai knew that wasn’t the answer he was looking for. Now that he’s given his advice, Ranpo closes his eyes, face shifting back to disinterest.
Dazai left the room thinking about what Ranpo said. Chuuya is most definitely the one handling the Faust leader, as Ane-san and that bast- Verlaine had their reasonings for not taking this mission.
‘Why should he call Chuuya when Kunikida said there wouldn’t be any run-ins with the detectives? Suspected need for reinforcement? Even if that’s true, Chuuya wouldn’t call the ADA.’
Thinking about it more, he decides to heed Ranpo’s advice to call the chibi- maaaaybe at a later time. Right now…
“Oh beautiful Belladonna~ would you honor me with a beautiful double suicide as the sun sets below the ocean?” Dazai looks at the waitress with a soft smile, gently caressing the waitress’s hands. Right now he’s on a mission to score a double suicide with this woman!
“Dazai-san, you still haven’t paid your 3-year-long tab!” the beautiful waitress does not answer and instead smiles, unfazed by the proposal of double suicide. “Will you be paying it all off today?”
“Oh, you wound my fragile heart mademoiselle! Maybe another time then. The offer is always open for you Belladonna!” Dazai dramatically places one hand over his heart, clutching his shirt as if the rejection pained him greatly.
*WHACK*
Dazai was hit across the head hard by a notebook, the owner of it ticked by his partner pestering the worker.
“Waste of bandages, we need to go now!! We’re already 3 minutes behind schedule all because of your insistence on staying in the cafe longer!” Kunikida was getting increasingly frustrated, having to work with this bandage waster all the time. An enemy to his ideals, his schedules, his ideal life thrown into chaos!!
“ Sigh , Kunikida, don’t you know that if you keep obsessing over that notebook of yours, you’ll go blind because you’re following such a rigorous schedule!” Dazai sighs, shaking his head as Kunikida once again falls for his partner’s words. “You should write that down- you need to add time, about an hour or so, without looking at your notebook to decrease the chances of becoming blind!”
Kunikida starts writing this into his notebook, nothing new, and when the brunette admits to it not being true, it causes the blond to lose another five minutes of the searching time, spent pointlessly shaking the lanky bastard for the deceit and yelling into his ear.
They’re finally out of the cafe, and Dazai decides that this was the right time to make that call to Chuuya as he is in a good mood. The dog rejects his call, nothing new. Especially because Chibi doesn’t take personal calls when he’s working. Though it would’ve been nice to actually- stop. He’s left it all behind already ( he could tell himself that, but he knows he’ll never get over him. He’ll never stop looking at the sunsets and the ocean without thinking of him).
‘Well, I did what Ranpo told me to do, and that’s that,’ Dazai thinks nothing of this out-of-pocket advice. Chuuya didn’t need his concern, and he would not use It without his presence.
He should’ve annoyed Chuuya even more with those calls. Maybe if he had, things would have ended differently. Dazai’s bad feelings had subsided when they had that meeting, so he attributed it to the appearance of a new organization.
Right now, Dazai was working to capture these members with Kunikida, he had no time to think of the mafioso.
~ -------- ~
A few hours later…
“I guess that’s all of them around this area,” Dazai says, sighing tiredly and slouching against the wall after they finally captured the last member. It was a persistent chase, and the police weren’t of much help, only giving the appearance that more people were on the search for members of the Faust. No help whatsoever.
“It seems like the others are finishing up,” Kunikida was on a call with Atsushi, who was giving him updates on their progress. “Dazai, we can head back now. The police will deal with the rest. Don’t think you can slip out of writing your part of the report!!”
“Waaahhhh, Kunikida has been making me walk for so longgg!! I’m tired!!” Dazai whines, leaning against a nearby railing and looking down at the river below him in contemplation. The river was really appealing right now, glistening blue and orange from the sunset… ugh . Everywhere he went there was always this color combination. It was like the universe was trying to torture him today. Not that he wasn’t already being tortured by the chasing.
“ Oh no you don’t!!!” Kunikida sees the suicidal bandage waster looking at the river and immediately pulls him back by the coat, grip unrelenting. “You will not jump into the river under my watch! Come on Dazai, we’re still on work hours!”
Dazai whines, about to go on another tirade to distract Kunikida until his phone rings. Seeing it as a way to avoid work, he immediately takes his phone out. The joy at this opportunity was put out at the name of the unexpected caller, his gut feeling coming back twice as bad as in the morning. It was Hirotsu who was calling him.
“Hirotsu-san? It’s rare of you to be-” Dazai cheerfully greets before being cut off.
“Dazai-san!! You must immediately come! Right now!! Chuuya has activated Corruption!! ” Hirotsu sounded panicked, the background sounding chaotic and rumbling.
Dazai’s face pales, dread filling his stomach. Was this what the bad feeling was? “Where is he? I’ll be there immediately!!” He tugs himself out of Kunikida’s hold and sprints towards a nearby vehicle. Kunikida immediately follows along, bewildered by the sudden change in attitude but not wanting to be left behind in case he could help.
“Niiharu forest, we’re stationed just outside!” Hirotsu was shouting orders towards his subordinates, who were now running to safety despite them not knowing what was happening. The ground around them was rumbling, and some were running unsteadily, but they all knew to get out of the way as soon as possible.
Dazai gets into the driver’s seat and turns the car on, it roaring to life. “How long has he been using it??!”
“Since the moment I called you- one minute!” Hirotsu was using his ability to push back some of the trees that were collapsing on his squad. “Dazai-san, how long till you get there?!!”
“30 minutes- shit SHIT!!” Dazai was full-on panicking, and screw traffic rules. The car comes to life, and he wastes no time stepping on the gas pedal as hard as he can. The car zooms forward, and Kunikida who had just put his seatbelt on was pushed back onto the seat harshly. Dazai was driving way over the speed limit, drifting as he maneuvered the wheel with one hand and the other holding his phone.
“DAZAI YOU’RE GOING OVER THE SPEED LIMIT!! SLOW DOWN OR WE’LL CRASH!!” Kunikida shouts panickingly, clinging onto the grab handler and fearing for his life. Note to self, never let Dazai drive. HOW DID THIS IDIOT EVEN GET HIS DRIVER’S LICENSE???!!
“SHUT UP SHUT UP!!” Dazai was pale, his heart beating out of his control. “Kunikida set the route to Niiharu forest RIGHT NOW!! I need to get there immediately!!” He hangs up his call with Hirotsu and immediately calls Yosano. She doesn’t pick up fast enough.
“Dazai-san? Is there a-”
“YOSANO! NIIHARU FOREST! RIGHT NOW! GO OVER THERE RIGHT NOW!” Dazai does another swerve, cars honking at him in the background and Kunikida’s face goes green with nausea, holding his phone to type in the place for navigation. “Get there as fast as you can, SCREW THE TRAFFIC RULES!! THIS IS URGENT!!”
“Alright,” Yosano immediately dashes for a car, getting into the driver’s seat. Ranpo is left behind, watching as the doctor immediately books off. He sighs because of course, Dazai didn’t heed his advice. Well, not that it would make a difference. He just wanted Dazai to call so he could talk to him one last time. There was no avoiding the inevitable.
~ -------- ~
By the time Dazai and Kunikida got there, the area was a mess. And most importantly, Yosano had not arrived yet.
Dazai gets out of the car without stopping the car, and Kunikida stumbles out to throw up after holding on for so long.
Panting, Dazai looks around and runs towards the source of all the chaos, passing by a body crushed under a tree along the way. He prays, prays that he had made it in time to stop Corruption. But everything- everything was so quiet. Not a peaceful quiet, but an eerie kind of quiet. Like he was about to walk into a living nightmare. And maybe he was.
Corruption was supposed to be loud, beautiful , and full of destruction. He had loved, sought, to see Chuuya fight using it, the blood-red swirling and vivacious as it enveloped the redhead’s slim yet muscled form. However, he hated the consequences that come with such liveliness- hated that Chuuya would always resort to it despite being given a choice by Dazai, but just this once- he wished Corruption would appear so he could find his ever-blazing fire in this mess.
Going deeper into the forest, he finally comes across one of the plot holes from Chuuya’s black hole imitations. Knowing Chuuya was nearby, Dazai yelled out his name to see if there might be some response.
He knew what the silence meant. Nothing was ever quiet with Chuuya, but he didn’t- wouldn’t. Because his dog always came back alive, and he stubbornly clung to that hope despite the forest being so goddamn quiet. There wasn’t even the chirping of crickets that were always heard in forests. He had always craved this silence back then when he was younger, but now he wanted that loudness back. If it meant being able to find Chuuya, he’d gladly invite these noises back into his head.
Finally, finally, he found him.
“CHUUYA!!!”
He runs to the bloody body- shredded and broken, reaching out to touch him- anywhere- to bring him back- eyes sparkling- hear him speak. Anything.
“Chuuya, wake up, you have to wake up,” Dazai was pale, hands shaking as he held Chuuya’s pale and bloody face. “Chibi, I’m here now, open your eyes please. Please, I’m here now. Wake up.”
Chuuya was looking up, yet there wasn’t life within those sapphire eyes. He was so quiet- Chuuya’s usual beating heart was silent and Dazai, for the second time, was afraid, panicking . No heartbeat, no breathing- God Chuuya wasn’t breathing- he wasn’t breathing-
He was cold to the touch, and he hated it. Chuuya always ran warm, his personal heater when they slept together in cramped hotel beds or huddled up on cold winter nights. This time, Dazai was going to keep him warm, holding him tightly and offering what little warmth his broken body had to offer, but it didn’t seem to be enough.
Never enough, it was never enough, red, blue, orange, red, blue, orange, redblueorangeredblueorange-
“Dazai!! Where are you!!” Yosano walks through the forest and finally finds Dazai crouching down, holding a bloody body. Instincts kicking in, she moves to check up on her patient before stopping. She closes her eyes solemnly seeing Chuuya’s glazed eyes. There was nothing she could do.
Port Mafia Executive Nakahara Chuuya was dead
“Sensei, you need to use your ability,” Dazai speaks up, his voice shaking like he was holding back tears. But he kept his voice as calm as he could as if he didn’t want to freak the injured person out. “Chuuya’s lost a lot of blood and he’s cold right now. He’s going to die if you don’t hurry .”
Dazai choked on that word like he couldn’t bear to put his name and death in the same sentence. He was denying the possibility that he was dead because he will never put the words dead and Chuuya together- never together-
Deny deny deny, even if everything was pointing toward death, he’ll continue to deny it.
Yosano places her hand on her coworker’s shaking shoulders, her tone soft in an attempt to calm Dazai down. It had an opposite effect though. “...Dazai-”
“NO!! Sensei, do not offer me those words . Right now, you need to use your ability to heal Chuuya,” Dazai cuts her off, finally looking at her instead of those glazed eyes. “Is it because I’m holding him? I’ll let him go so you can do your work, just heal his wounds-”
“Dazai, you don’t need to let go of him… I can’t use my ability on him,” Yosano hates breaking the news of death to the people she cares about, especially her usually confident coworker. So she doesn’t mind being cut off. Dazai was clearly in a state of shock and denial. He needed to know that there was no saving because they were too late. “Chuuya isn’t breathing anymore.”
At this time, Kunikida shows up stumbling, face still pale and sickly from that car ride. He hobbled to where his coworkers were, not understanding until he saw the state of the body. The blond also kneeled but on the other side of Dazai, who was holding onto the body. His usually sharp partner didn’t seem to notice his presence, eyes still fixed on Yosano who was telling him that Nakahara Chuuya was dead.
Dazai shakingly inhales and asks, “I was late?” He feels something wet trailing down his face. Was it raining? He couldn’t get Chuuya’s body wet or else he’ll get even colder. But if it was raining, why did it feel so warm ? Useless, how could he be so useless right now? This was the warmth he should be giving Chuuya, who was freezing cold. He can’t allow that-
“You were not late Dazai. You did the best you could and got here as fast as you could,” Yosano’s heart broke at the sight of Dazai's blank face. Tears had fallen from his eyes- eyes that were losing their light. He didn’t seem to realize he was crying as well.
“...I’m late once again,” Dazai was now focusing on the person he was holding, the raindrops hitting Chuuya’s face. Something burned inside him, threatening to come out, clawing out of his throat and he couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“ALWAYS LATE!!!” Dazai suddenly screamed, startling Yosano and Kunikida at his outburst. “I AM ALWAYS, ALWAYS LATE!! LATE TO STOP ODASKU FROM GETTING SHOT AND DYING, MINUTES LATE TO NULLIFY CHUUYA’S CORRUPTION!! LATE LATE LATE I’M LATE !! WHY AM I ALWAYS FUCKING LATE?!!”
Dazai snapped, he couldn’t handle it anymore. He hated it, he hated the universe that took away his lights that shone in his dark world. Why must they be the ones to leave before him, when he was the one who actively sought death?
“I HATE IT!! HOW COULD YOU TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME AS WELL?! HAVE I NOT GIVEN ENOUGH? HAVE I NOT CHANGED? I’M NOW IN THE LIGHT SAVING RATHER THAN KILLING, WHY DO YOU STILL CONTINUE TAKING FROM ME?? HAVE I NOT BOWED TO YOUR WHIMS ENOUGH??!”
Dazai’s tears were now overflowing, his body wrapped around the corpse of his love , his love he never dared to confess to. And now he’s lost that chance. “You keep taking from me… why couldn’t you just leave Chuuya alone…? I just wanted this one thing to myself that could never be taken away from me, couldn’t you have granted me this mercy…?”
‘Chuuya, I love you.’
The fragile glasshouse that housed that thought had finally broken free from its confinement. He had repressed that thought as they became Soukoku, completing missions together and spending time around each other more. He was afraid of it- afraid of the softness in Chuuya’s eyes when they had danced under the moonlight before bombing that mansion filled with people, afraid to hold hands with him when the other’s gloved hands would twitch slightly at the brief contact as they walked through the slums, afraid to embrace him back when Chuuya had hugged him under the pretense of “keeping them both warm” as the shorter was blushing so beautifully in that musty hotel room. Now, he regretted not letting that thought to fully form. He was so overwhelmed by this new feeling that he felt like it was going to burst his lungs- his chest would no longer be able to hold the feeling and split him open, bleeding his tainted blood all over his everything and tainting it as well with his darkness. It hurt so much that he had to let it out, he couldn’t stop this emotion that took over his every being.
‘I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I-’
“-you I love you,” Dazai didn’t realize that his thoughts of love were being vocalized, and Yosano and Kunikida were stunned by his shocking confessions. “Chuuya, I love you like the moon loves the sun, I love you like the blood that fills my veins, I love you like hands that seek the warmth it once had, I love you like-”
He wasn’t able to continue confessing, because he wasn’t there anymore. Chuuya couldn’t hear him anymore. Perhaps that phone call had been a message to him as well- that he could call but would never hear a response back anymore. He wouldn’t hear the other’s voice on the other end of the line anymore, and it hurt. Maybe he should have tried harder. Maybe he should have continued calling even if it meant disturbing Chuuya’s work time, just to hear the other yelling at him.
Sorrowful wails of tears and blood and regrets and unwillingness filled the silence, and the two coworkers couldn’t bear to interrupt this moment of vulnerability Dazai was showing.
“...Chuuya, I haven’t heard your response to my confessions yet,” Dazai’s voice was hoarse from crying, silently hiccupping as he used his sleeves to clean up the mess he left on Chuuya gently. “Won’t you wake up and respond to it? It’s rude to leave me hanging… anything would do- you could even slap me on the face and proclaim your disgust for my confessions. Just- won’t you wake up for me…?”
Chuuya did not respond, eyes still looking upwards towards the moon- moon ?
Dazai looks up to see a full moon, and he’s suddenly brought back to when they were eighteen. He and Chuuya had gone star gazing on top of the Port Mafia headquarters for reasons forgotten, the ginger holding onto the brunette to prevent the other from possibly jumping off the building. Back then, Chuuya had been dazed (nervous, now he knew), looking at the moon before quietly saying-
“Dazai, isn’t the moon beautiful tonight?”
…
Oh
I never responded to him back then
Because I didn’t understand what he meant
I talked about the stars instead and how they were better than the moon
I never understood
“Chuuya, the moon is beautiful,” Dazai finally answers, four years late- too late. A new wave of tears falls from his face as he closes Chuuya’s beautiful eyes, and he kisses his sun- his fire- on his forehead, his nose, his cheeks, and finally his lips. They were cold, and it felt like a dagger to his already breaking heart. Because he should have been kissing warm and melting lips instead, but it’s him nonetheless. “It’s always so beautiful, isn’t it?”
Dazai has always found love and death to be deeply intertwined, but he thought that someone would always be the exception- his constant in this world of hell. He had thought the same thing too with another redhead, one who had unfortunately passed a long time ago but gave him guidance towards the future. However, with this one, he received no words from the present, only questions and answers from the past.
Back then, he couldn’t bear to look at the ocean and sunsets without thinking of someone, now he longed to capture and savor it for as long as he could, never wanting to move despite the sun setting and the waves no longer the same color as his eyes. Because after that, She would rise, and he would be reminded of a nervous confession and answers too late. He would raise his hand towards Her as if trying to capture the beauty he once spoke of to him.
“Chuuya, isn’t the moon beautiful tonight?”
…
Child, do you hear that?
…
Your love has responded and is asking you back
What a silly child, that one
…
I hope that in another universe, the world will be kinder to the two of you
Instead of tears of sorrow and heartbreak,
You two would cry in happiness and contentment
Dancing under the moon as a waltz plays in the background
Rather than the screams of pain and the smell of gunpowder as your music
And you two would tightly hold each other’s hands
With rings on your finger to signify your union of love
The end