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Chapter Text

A quick two day drive shouldn’t be too bad, at least that's what he thought. To put it shortly it was hell.

All because his family didn’t wanna do a straight drive. It was only a 14 hour drive but no, it had to be split up.

Now, at the end of those quick 2 days of hell, Beomgyu is standing in front of a tall, menacing building on his college campus and feeling like he might pass out. 

"Why do you look so pale?" His sister Sullyoon asks from beside him. 

"He's nervous, sweetheart." Their mom says from behind them, dragging his suitcase from the tightly-packed trunk of the car. She sets down the suitcase next to her son. "Can you two help me get these out?"

The air in Oregon is nicer than in Los Angeles, Beomgyu observes. It's sweeter, honestly. There are also a lot more conifers everywhere, with pine trees and cedars scattered across the campus, and Beomgyu wonders why they don't have more of them back in La. 

"Are you gonna die?" Sullyoon asks, grabbing his chin to make them look at each other. 

"No, get your hands off me." Beomgyu twists out of his sister's grip and looks back to the building in front of him. "I'm just- you know-  I hate change."

"You could've just gone to UCLA and stayed close," Sullyoon replies with a fake yawn.

"No, I..."

"Calloway is a good change for you," His mama says, dragging another bag from the car. "Beomie, what else is yours?"

"Shouldn't we keep this all here until we know what room I'm going to?" he asks, eyeing the uncomfortably tall stack of the essentials he'll need to live. "I don't want to carry everything around."

The ominous building he's been staring at is the dorm hall he's going to be staying in. It's called "Oppurtunity Hall", reserved for freshmen in the Bishop Honors College, and it's terrifying to look at, all dark bricks and gray windows. 

The air is cold inside. Beomgyu feels a deep pit of anxiety in his stomach as he looks around at the unfamiliar lobby area. 

There's also a table set up with two young ladies sitting behind it. A sign hangs from the table. It reads "WELCOME FRESHMEN" in big green and black letters. 

"Name?" One of the ladies says when Beomgyu approaches the table. She's maybe a few years older than he is with black hair tied into a bun and kind-looking eyes. 

"Beomgyu Choi," he cracks his thumb knuckle on impulse. His mom stands beside him, close enough that she's a comforting presence. 

"Many students with the same last name this year," the second lady comments as the one who spoke digs through the crate on the table. Unlike her companion, Lady 2 has shiny blonde hair that's curled and styled to look almost like a Barbie doll. She's very pretty. 

"Maybe we’re all related," he’s looking at his shoes, both because he doesn't want to stare and he kind of hates how common his last name is. 

"Here you go, beomgyu," Lady 1 says, holding up a green folder and handing it to him. "You're up on the third floor, room 426, and I think your roommate has already moved in. All the info you need is in here," she taps the folder in his hand, "along with your room key, your schedule, and your temporary ID card until you get your picture taken. Sound good?"

"Yeah," he nods, feeling very overwhelmed by this whole situation but plastering a smile on his face. "Thank you."

"No problem, it's what I'm here for. I'm NingNing, by the way," she holds out her hand and Dream shakes it, "and I'm kind of the unofficial manager of this building. If you have any questions about rules or something, you can come to me, alright?"

"Yes, thank you," Dream says with a weaker smile. 

"This is Winter," Ningning says, referring to the pretty blonde girl. 

"Hi." he blushes as winter looks him up and down. 

"Hi," Winter says. 

He wonders if she has a boyfriend. 

"Let's go get your stuff?" His mama says whilst snapping Beomgyu out of the trance he's in. 

They retrieve a lot of stuff from the car and head up to the fourth floor via the elevator (an elevator that doesn't make Beomgyu feel like he's going to die at any second) and find the correct dorm. A boy is already in there, sitting on one of the beds and playing something on a bright yellow Switch. 

"Hello?" Beomgyu says tentatively. 

"Hey!" The boy looks up with a grin. He's got shaggy black hair tied into space buns and a huge grin that he feels like he can trust. "You must be beomgyu!"

"I am! And you are…?”

"Oh right I'm Huening Kai, but you can just call me Kai." He slides off his bed and shakes Beomgyu’s  hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too."

"I'll leave you in peace so you can get unpacked! Good to be living with you!" Kai grabs his Switch and leaves, giving a nod to Beomgyu’s mom and Sullyoon as he does so. 

Beomgyu... Beomgyu likes him so far. He seems respectful and confident, and based on the current state of the room, he doesn't seem to be too awful. There's a Panic! at the Disco poster above his bed and a little cactus on the windowsill and his water bottle has a pride flag on it. 

His mom helps him set up (Sullyoon doesn't really help much, just looks over Kai’s side of the room and complains), putting clothes away in the closet and the foldable dresser drawers Beomgyu got for the room. His favorite pair of gray square sheets go on the bed, his pencils go on the desk, and his own little house plant, a jade plant he's had for a decade, goes on the windowsill behind his own bed. 

"So, now that you're all moved in here, I get your room at home, right?" Sullyoon says when they're finished. She's lounged on his new office chair, spinning around and around.

"No! I'm still gonna come back eventually, especially for Christmas break, and I would still need a place to sleep." Beomgyu finishes putting his socks into the correct drawer. "Besides, you have your own room."

"Nobody is moving around in the house," his mom says. "Now come on, let's take Beomie to dinner and head out."

As they're walking back down the hall, they pass Kai again. He and beomgyu share a high five, one that Kai initiates, and it's a nice gesture. 

They also pass...

Well, to describe him as "pissed off" might be an understatement. It's a man with dark black and angry eyes behind round, round glasses. He looks way too put-together for being a college student, and the contrast between Beomgyu’s Calloway sweatshirt and the beige button-down he has on. 

He's attractive, Beomgyu can tell. 

He doesn't like having that thought. The man seems mean and he definitely doesn't like guys like that. 

The man stalks off in the opposite direction of the Choi’s, obviously with somewhere to go and a goal of getting there without distractions. 

Beomgyu wonders if he'll ever see the guy again. 

*****************

Sullyoon complains all through dinner, but in the way that means she's going to miss Beomgyu when they leave to drive back to LA. 

They separate after dinner. His mom doesn't cry, she never does, but Beomgyu does and Sullyoon does. Many hugs are shared, and then they leave and Beomgyu is officially alone. 

On the walk back to the dorms, Beomgyu sees a pond with geese floating lazily in it. They're big white birds, obviously feral ones rather than some kind of wild species, and there's a sign next to the pond. 

"The Calloway campus has long taken pride in its natural greenery. Local plants are grown and cared for without the use of harsh chemicals. This pond, built in 1953 under the watch of George Calloway's grandaughter, Veronica Calloway, houses local birds year-round, including ducks, geese, herons, wading birds, and, most notably, the breeding pair of white geese that live in the house across the pond from this sign. George and Allison, named for the college founder and his wife, are a popular attraction for Calloway and have parented many broods of goslings since they landed in 2013."

The geese are plump and pretty, obviously very at-home in the pond. Beomgyu hopes to soon be as comfortable as they look. 

Note to self: be a campus goose. 

Kai is playing his Switch again when Beomgyu gets back to the dorm room. He sets it down when Beomgyu enters, though, and sits up with a smile. "Hi."

"Hi."

"You go to dinner?"

"Yeah. There's a pizza place a few blocks from here."

"Good?"

"Yeah." Beomgyu sits down on his bed. Their beds are on opposite sides of the room so Beomgyu is sitting facing Kai. "So, hello."

"Hi."

"I feel like we should get to know each other a little bit, if we're going to be living with each other for a year. 

"I can do that. Hi, my name is Kai, I moved here from Honolulu and I'm majoring in Anthropology with a minor in Computer Science."

"Hi, my name is Beomgyu, I moved here from Los Angeles and I'm majoring in Creative Writing with a minor in Computer Science."

"So we'll have classes together maybe," Kai beams. "Nice to meet you, Beomgyu."

"Nice to meet you, Kai."

They talk for a long time. Beomgyu feels immediately comfortable around Kai, and Kai seems confident enough with himself that he doesn't make Beomgyu feel out of place. 

By midnight, they decide to stop talking and do their own things. Kai plays on his Switch (Animal Crossing, he showed his island to Beomgyu) and Beomgyu pulls out his journal. 

Day 1

It is not horrible here so far. The campus is pretty and the food at the pizza place nearby was delicious. 

I already miss Mom and Sullyoon. Sullyoon has claimed that I am no longer allowed back in the house now that I've left, but I hope Mom will overrule her on that. 

I passed a man in the hallway today. He looked remarkably angry about something. He seemed young enough to be a student so I think I'll run into him again, I kinda hope I do. I'd like to know what he was mad about. His hair was dark brown or black maybe and it looked soft. I don't know why I think that, but I do. 

There was also a girl, Winter, who gave me my room key. She's very pretty and I'd like to talk to her more. 

There are geese on the campus, a pair named George and Allison. They seemed very comfortable in their habitat, and I think I would like to try and be a campus goose. 

I am ready to see what this semester holds.

Chapter Text

Beomgyu and Kai’s dorm is connected to another dorm next door via one giant communal bathroom (shower, toilet, four sinks). They meet their neighbors the morning after they move in. 

"Choi Yeonjun, nice to meet you," the slightly taller one says. He's wearing a muscle shirt and red pants. Beomgyu notices his last name remembering what NingNing said yesterday, "This is Taehyun."

"Hello," Taehyun says. He's shorter than Kai & Yeonjun and notices he’s Korean too. 

"Are you guys international students?" Kai asks. They're in Taehyun and Yeonjun's room, Kai is sitting in one of their chairs. One side of the room minimalistic, all the decorations in blacks and blues, and the other has a guitar hanging on one wall and a poster for a band Beomgyu doesn’t recognize on the other. Beomgyu wonders which belongs to whom. 

"Sort of? I lived in Seoul for the first ten years of my life, then moved to San Jose with my family. I've got dual citizenship now," Yeonjun says with a smile. 

"And I was just born and raised in Gangnam," Taehyun says. He does have a much thicker accent than Yeonjun, as well as a different one. Beomgyu isn't sure how the hell there are so many Koreans attending this school but It's nice to feel that sense of community. 

"That's cool. I'm Honolulu born and raised and Beomgyu’s from fancy Los Angeles."

"I lived in Daegu for a while." Beomgyu feels a million miles away, just staring at all the belongings of these two new people and remembering how weird this all is. 

"Oh, I've been to Daegu! It's so gorgeous over there,” Yeonjun says.

He's in college. He's like 1,000 miles away from his home and his family and all his old friends and he's starting a new life in a new state and oh my god, he's not qualified for this, he's not ready for this. 

"Oh, yeah, it is..." And there it is, the feeling of elevated anxiety rushing over him. Beomgyu starts picking up every little sound around him from the fizzing of an open pop can to the click of Taehyun’s teeth as he chews goldfish. 

"You good, dude? You look pale." Kai looks him up and down. 

"Yeah, I... I need to go lay down for a minute." Beomgyu digs his nails into his palm for something to focus on, then turns back to the door that leads to his own room. "It was nice meeting you."

"Nice meeting you, too," Yeonjun says, but Beomgyu is just focusing on the feeling of the tag of his shirt against his skin. 

Beomgyu splashes his face with water in his sink, then lays down on his bed. His earbuds are charged, thank goodness, and he finds a Spotify playlist to focus on instead of the sounds and feelings going on around him. The first song he doesn't recognize; the second is "not a lot, just forever" by Adrianne Lenker. 

The universe is kind of a bitch sometimes. 

No, the universe is MAJORLY a bitch sometimes, because the song makes Beomgyu feel like he's going to cry on top of the anxiety attack. 

The song changes fast, though, it's Charli xcx now and he pushes the lump in his throat down into the oblivion he's kept it in for the past three years. He lets the new words rush over him, focusing on them instead of every stupid overwhelming feeling he's having. 

Hurt me, Know you wont hurt me

I'm about to detonate

Pull you close and then, I’ll be gone. 

Beomgyu needs a drink from the coffee shop. There's one on campus, he saw it across the goose pond yesterday. Hopefully, they have some kind of flavored iced tea and it doesn't smell too much like coffee in there. 

"You good, dude?" Kai steps back into the room, closing the bathroom door behind him. 

"Yeah, I... anxiety."

"That sucks, I’m sorry." Kai crashes down onto his own bed, dragging his phone out of his pocket in the process. "Anything I can do?"

"No. I just have to work through it on my own, give it a minute. Do you... do you want anything from the coffee place?"

"Just a caramel frappe," Kai replies, reaching for his wallet where it's on the window sill. 

"No, no, I'll pay."

"Okay?"

"Be back in a while." Beomgyu leaves with a grin. "Thanks for trying to help."

It's sunny and warm outside. Not as warm as LA, though; Dream almost misses the suffocating sticky heat that perpetuates from April to September. Here, it's a dryer and almost crackling heat that makes Dream feel like he could suffocate if he's out here for too long. 

"Summer in Oregon" would be a good song title. 

The geese are floating lazily in the pond when Beomgyy walks by. They're big white geese with big orange bills, and Beomgyu wonders why they aren't the school mascot, then realizes that the pond was built AFTER the school was founded and there was no way for George Calloway that his granddaughter would build a pond for geese in the '50s. 

When Beomgyu opens the door to the coffee shop (Calloway Coffee: The Best Beans on Campus), he's met with a rush of icy, air-conditioned wind right in the face and the bitter smell that he tries not to hate but does. 

"Hi, how can I help you?" The barista says from behind the counter, and when she looks up, Beomgyu realizes it's Winter, the girl who gave him his dorm key. "Hey."

"Hi."

"What was your name again?"

"Choi Beomgyu. I mean- just Beomgyu I- I don’t know why I said my last name again sorry."

"Well, it's nice to meet you, just Beomgyu. I'm Winter."

"I know." Beomgyu feels kinda stupid in front of her. Pretty girls are good at making him flustered (and pretty boys, which makes absolutely no sense at all), and he can feel his cheeks burning. "You're beautiful."

"Thank you!" Winter smiles, a big grin that Beomgyu loves immediately. 

"Winter!" A deep voice yells from somewhere behind the counter; Beomgyu can't see its owner. "No flirting on the job!"

"Sorry!" Winter yells back, then turns back to Beomgyu. "What can I get you, cutie?"

"Ummmmm," Beomgyu says, realizing he hasn't looked at the menu at all. "Do you have anything minty?"

"People really like the Mint Chip smoothie, and we have crème de menthe syrup that can be put into tea and coffee."

"I want... a smoothie sounds good. Mint Chip."

"What size?"

"Large."

Beomgyu doesn't miss the twitch of Winter's mouth as she smiles, and it makes him blush even harder. She rings the drink up on the cash register. "Is that all?"

"No, a... large caramel frappe too." 

"Alrighty." Winter says with a smile. 

As they finish the transaction and Winter begins the drinks, Beomgyu glances around the shop. It's aesthetic, with bar stools by the windows, white mugs hanging in a row, and a minimalistic plant in the corner. There's only two other patrons in there: an older lady that might be a professor, and the black haired man Beomgyu nearly ran into yesterday. 

The man is... well, Beomgyu likes people-watching, and he could watch this guy for hours (not in a creepy way, he swears). The man is stretched out in an easy chair, his nose in a book, and Beomgyu notices his dimples. He can't take his eyes off them. Sunlight flows in through the window behind him, casting beams across his sharp features and shining off his glasses. He looks at peace and remarkably tense at the same time, like he's in his element but will never relax. 

Beomgyu wants to go talk to him, but he doesn't, because Winter calls his name before he can make up his mind. He tears his eyes away from the pretty stranger and grabs the drinks from the counter. 

"See you around, sweetheart," Winter says with a flirtatious smile. 

There's a heart drawn on his lid in Sharpie. 

****************************

His first official college class and Beomgyu already wants to throw something. 

It's an "Intro to Creative Writing and Rhetoric" class, he can't for the life of him remember the official name, and Professor Scott speaks in a tone that makes Beomgyu want to fall asleep and scream very loudly at the same time. 

It's fine. 

Kai's here with him, and since they're in the Honors College, there are only 27 people in the class. Beomgyu's got a math class on Tuesdays and Thursdays that will be in a lecture hall, but right now they're in a little building in the Clark building. 

And there's the guy with the dimples, sitting in the front row and looking way too awake for an 8:30 class. 

"Who are you staring at?" Kai mutters, following Beomgyu's line of vision. 

"That guy with the glasses and dimples."

"I understand why, he's kinda cute."

"Oh, not- I'm straight."

"Oh." Kai looks him up and down quizzically but doesn't say anything more on the topic. "Why, then?"

"I passed him in the hallway on the day I moved in and he looked pissed. I wanted to know what he was pissed about."

"I bet he looks hot when he's pissed."

"What?" Beomgyu raises an eyebrow. "What the hell does that mean?"

"He has the energy of some kind of villain, dude!" 

"That's... that's the weirdest thing I've heard you say so far."

Kai's not wrong, though. The dimples guy seems to hold confident energy that Beomgyu feels a little intimidated by. 

Maybe that's why he's intrigued: strange energy. 

That's not a good explanation. 

Why the hell is this guy so enticing?

And then he turns his head and Beomgyu is met by the deep dark eyes of the stranger. It's a terrifying moment, especially since they hold eye contact for a moment, but Beomgyu quickly drops his gaze when the stranger's mouth twists into a frown. 

"What exactly is 'rhetoric'?" Professor Scott asks. Beomgyu finally tunes into the class. "Who can tell me?"

The stranger he’s been staring at all class raises his hand. Professor Scott points to him. "Yes?"

"Rhetoric is the art of effective or persuasive speaking or writing, especially the use of figures of speech and other compositional techniques." The guy has a deep voice that's honey-sweet and too nice to listen to.

"Good. What's your name?" Professor Scott asks. 

"Choi Soobin."

"Alright. Very good, Mr. Choi, that sounded very close to the actual textbook definition."

Choi Soobin. Same last name. Just Perfect. 

Beomgyu doesn't know why, but he wants to hear Soobin talk more.

Chapter Text

Beomgyu keeps seeing Soobin all over campus. 

They have four classes together: Intro to Creative Writing, American Lit, Math 253, and History 154. Math is the only class in a lecture hall, and Beomgyu guesses there are nearly 200 people in there, but all the others are small classes for Honors College students. 

Yet he still hasn't spoken a word to Soobin in the two weeks since he saw him for the first time. 

Beomgyu has stared at him plenty, passed him in the halls a few times, and heard him speak, but he hasn't had a conversation with Soobin yet. 

Until now. 

"Find someone you haven't spoken to yet," Alice says to the American Lit class. She's an incredibly nice professor so far and she's younger than most of Beomgyu's other teachers. "Discuss the first 10 chapters of the Great Gatsby and tell me: is Jay Gatsby a good man?"

Beomgyu is surprised for Soobin to just sit down in the empty desk next to him, eyes cold and mouth thin. He looks Beomgyu up and down before speaking. "Hello."

"Hi." Somewhere in Beomgyu’s mind, something rejoices over the fact that he can hear Soobin’s voice again, but he pushes it far down in his chest and doesn't pay attention to it. "Didn't expect you to come over here."

"Your lackey isn't here and you've been staring at me every time we see each other. Obviously, you were hoping I would come over here." Beomgyu looks him over once again. "Choi."

"Just Beomgyu please."

“Okay, Beomgyu"

Soobin nods. "You've read the book, correct?"

"Six times, yeah. It's my favorite book." 

"Thank you for informing me of that."

"You're welcome?" 

"I was being sarcastic. Now, what are you thinking for Mrs. Day's question?"

"Oh, I..." Beomgyu feels a little flustered. Soobin is intimidating; Kai was right, he does have the energy of a villain but like a Disney one. "I'm not sure."

"Well, I think it's impossible to decide whether Gatsby is a good or bad character. He is 'great' in the way he owns too many things and throws giant parties, but at the same time as him making people happy by throwing the parties, he's not doing anything necessarily 'good'."

Beomgyu just nods along as Soobin speaks. 

"At the same time," Soobin continues, "he's a bitchy rich man who goes through life believing that his wealth determines the fact that he deserves everything his heart desires, but I don't think he ever does anything necessarily 'bad', or bad enough to make him a bad person all around." 

"I agree, yeah."

"Do you have anything to add?"

"I... yeah, actually. I don't think Nick Carraway is a reliable narrator."

"How so?" Soobin raises an eyebrow, looks right into Beomgyu’s soul with his icy blue eyes, and Beomgyu tries hard to stand his ground. 

"I just... Nick's a character in the story and he gets influenced by everyone around him. He waits to say things to the audience, puts his own emotions into the narrations... I just don't think you can have a human and a reliable narrator at the same time. Even the best and most truthful people can lie about things, and they're still influenced by things in their environment because it's human nature. I don't think Gatsby is good because Nick looks at Gasby through rose-tinted glasses, no matter how light the rose color is, and Gatsby is worshipped in Nick's mind, so we see Nick's opinion of Gatsby rather than a true view."

"You sound like you should be an anthropologist instead," Soobin says, and Beomgyu sees the ghost of a grin on his lips. "Good analysis. I agree with it." 

"Thank you." Beomgyu grins.

"Yes. I think Nick's view of Gatsby is distorted in ways, maybe because he feels attracted to Gatsby or even intimidated by him. Gatsby is rich and carefree and a seemingly beautiful spirit, and he speaks to Nick as though they are good friends."

"Attracted to?"

"Nick Carraway is gay, you know that right? Or did you not realize that?" Soobin looks genuinely surprised. 

Beomgyu thinks about it for a moment, then shakes his head. "No, I wasn't even paying attention to that." Then, "Well he has a girlfriend, though."

"Well, one couldn't exactly pursue homosexual relationships in 1920's New York, could they?" 

"No, I suppose not... where are you getting this?"

"In the closing of chapter 2, Nick stumbles into Mr. McKee's bedroom while drunk. 'I was standing beside his bed and he was sitting up between the sheets, clad in his underwear, with a great portfolio in his hands.'." Soobin doesn't even open the book to say the quote, surprising Beomgyu. "You cannot tell me that they didn't have sex previously to that sentence."

"It... it doesn't necessarily mean that they did."

"Beomgyu, why would someone stand next to another's bed, while drunk, and the person in bed was beneath the sheets and clad in only their underwear, if they had not had intercourse? And before you say 'Maybe they were friends', that's not how society worked in the '20s, and Nick and Mr. McKee have only known each other for a night when that sentence occurs."

"Maybe you have a bias here," Beomgyu says, immediately regretting his choice of words. 

"If you are insinuating that I believe the book has queer subtext because I myself am gay, you must understand that my sexuality does not define how I consume literature and that I am not the first person to have this theory." Soobin’s voice is steady but sharp, and Beomgyu realizes he's annoyed him. "Besides, it's just a theory. The only man who could say whether or not the idea is true has been dead since 1940." 

"I didn't mean to say anything about you- I didn’t know-"

"I'm sure you didn't, but you still did. I choose to look at books from multiple different perspectives, and one of those views queer subtext in popular text partially because I am gay. I don't search it out, though, nor do I create conspiracies or corrupt the great American literary works with the LGBT agenda. Now, if you will please excuse me." Soobin stands, still remarkably steady. His clipped words are the only indication of his annoyance with Beomgyu. "Also, please stop staring at me. It makes me uncomfortable and it's rude."

"I’m sorry."

Soobin says nothing else, just sidles back to his own seat and doesn't look at Beomgyu anymore. 

Shit. 

****************

"Starburned Unkissed" is playing from Kai’s phone and Taehyun is braiding Kai’s hair when Beomgyu gets back to the dorm.

They've gotten reasonably comfy with Taehyun and Yeonjun, but that's what happens when you share a toilet with someone. Yeonjun is anxious but loud when he's comfortable and he likes music. He's majoring in Music and a teaching degree. Taehyun is a reserved, quiet Music major as well and he has amazing coding skills. 

"Hi, sweetie, how did class go?" Kai asks. He's taken to acting like Beomgyu's mom when Beomgyu comes back from class and Beomgyu has been doing the same to him. 

If Kai wasn't as charismatic, Beomgyu would've switched rooms the day they met, but he feels like he and Kai have been best friends for years already. Their personalities work well together and Kai never makes him uncomfortable. 

"I talked to Soobin finally," Beomgyu says, dropping his bag on his bed, "but I majorly pissed him off."

"Choi Soobin?" Taehyun asks, finishing the right fishtail in Kai's hair and moving to the left side. 

"Yeah?"

"That's Yeonjun’s brother practically. He's pissed all the time, according to Yeonjun."

"He is? I didn’t know they were so close."

"Yeah and because of the last name people believe they are actually brothers, it’s kind of funny. You can ask Yeonjun about it when he gets back from the admissions office."

"Why's he at the admissions office?"

"Scholarship stuff. He didn't go into much detail but he sounded stressed."

"That's not good. Hope it all works out."

"Yeah... so you spoke to your crush and messed it all up?"

"I don't have a crush- I'm straight." Taehyun lets out a scoff and Beomgyu frowns before continuing. "Soobin is just... intriguing. I don't know. He seems like he's really smart and I liked talking to him before I pissed him off."

"How'd you do it?" Kai asks. 

"We were... we were talking about the Great Gatsby and he was saying that Nick Carraway is gay and I kind of insinuated that he was only saying that because he was gay too."

"Assumed the man's sexuality and threatened his honor at the same time? Damn, Beomgyu, you really did mess that up." Kai snorts at the news while Taehyun just shakes his head. 

A knock sounds on the door then. Beomgyu opens and in walks Yeonjun, a scowl on his face and an energy drink in his hand. "I hate everything," he growls. 

"What happened?" Taehyun asks, finishing the second braid in Kai’s  hair and wrapping an elastic around the end. 

"Got an email that my scholarship was being cancelled, then proceeded to have to wait for forty minutes and miss the second half of my Biology class only to be told that the email was a 'mistake'." Yeonjun does the angriest air quotes around the last word that Beomgyu has ever seen. "Fuck, I hated that."

"Well, in lighter news, Beomgyu pissed off your brother." Kai runs his hands along the braids and grins at Taehyun. 

"Oh, bad idea. How'd you insult him?" Yeonjun sits down in Beomgyu’s chair and takes a long swig of the energy drink. 

"Kinda insinuated that he was only saying Nick Carraway was gay because he was gay."

Yeonjun sucks a gasp through his teeth. "Yeah, that'll do it. Soobin hates getting criticism from people, especially when the criticism is a direct jab at him or is blatantly wrong."

"You're Nick Carraway in this situation," Taehyun points out, now lounging on the bed next to Kai. "Kai has been saying how you're lowkey obsessed with Soobin."

"I'm not obsessed with him."

"You are," Kai says dragging it out, suddenly eating from a bag of Funyuns. He offers one to Taehyun, who wrinkles his nose. 

"Oh man, if you're obsessed with Soobin, you're definitely Carraway and he's Gatsby," Yeonjun laughs. 

"I am not obsessed with him!" Beomgyu says, believing his words less every time he says it. 

"Beomgyu is gay for Gatsby!" Kai jokes. 

"I'm not gay for Gatsby or anyone!" Beomgyu protests. 

"Mmmmmm, heavy denial. I respect that." Yeonjun takes another drink of the electric yellow liquid in the can and sets it down on the desk behind him. "Now, while Beomgyu has a much-needed sexuality crisis and figures out how he'll make amends with my brother, who's up for playing a game?"

Yeonjun retrieves a 'National Parks of the USA'-themed Scrabble game and sets it up in the middle of the floor. It's a fun game, one that Beomgyu excels out due to his background of writing, but in between his turns, he is thinking about Soobin. 

Beomgyu is straight. 

Right?

And he's not 'gay for Gatsby' as Kai so eloquently put it. 

Right?

Right. 

Soobin is just a fascinating guy. 

And Beomgyu really needs to make amends with him. 

He's not gay for Gatsby. 

He's not.

Chapter Text

Beomgyu doesn't approach Soobin again for a week, nor does Soobin approach Beomgyu. 

As far as first impressions go, Beomgyu knows that wasn't a good one. He's very embarrassed by the whole thing after Kai helped him realize what he did wrong, yet he still wants to talk to Soobin and really wants to make it up. 

Second impressions can go better. 

The first thing Beomgyu observes: he only sees Soobin during class time, never in the halls of the dorm or in other buildings on campus. Soobin doesn't make appearances at the football games either (which Beomgyu gets very invested in), or at the student store or any of the restaurants bordering campus. 

Or maybe Beomgyu just misses him all the time. 

Second thing: Soobin's constantly sucking on a lollipop. 

He does it... well, if someone could suck on a lollipop elegantly, Soobin does. It looks natural to have a white stick hanging from his mouth, and it's almost a part of him when he speaks, sucker held between his fingers like a cigarette. 

They're usually blue raspberry as well and they turn Soobin’s tongue electric blue. 

Beomgyu finds himself wanting to taste the blue raspberry in Soobin’s mouth more than once, but he chalks it up to craving the flavor. 

He's straight. 

He doesn't have a crush on Soobin and he doesn't want to kiss him. 

Blue raspberry is just such a good taste. 

Maybe bribing Soobin into giving him a second chance isn't the best choice, but Beomgyu buys three blue raspberry lollipops from the store. 

He catches Soobin outside the lecture hall after Math lets out. It was a long lecture, full of polynomials and graphs and derivatives, but Beomgyu was just excited to see if this works. 

"Why are you giving me these?" Soobin asks as Beomgyu holds out the three lollipops. 

"As an apology. I wasn't very nice to you and I wanted to say sorry."

"Interesting." Soobin eyes the lollipops but doesn't take them. 

"I'm also sorry for staring at you. You were just... interesting, I don't know. I didn't mean to be creepy."

Soobin still doesn't take them. 

"They're not poisoned if that's what you're worried about. This is a peace offering; I'm asking for another chance."

"Another chance at what?" Soobin asks. 

"Another chance at friendship."

Soobin raises an eyebrow but finally grabs the lollipops. The rough tips of his fingers brush Beomgyu’s palm for half a second and Beomgyu’s breath hitches. 

"Thank you," Soobin says, unwrapping one of the lollipops and dropping the other two into his bag. The open one is popped into his mouth and licked with a skilled tongue. Beomgyu tries his hardest not to stare. 

"Yeah." Beomgyu takes a deep breath. "Could we do introductions again? Just to... to make this an actual starting over."

"Sure." Soobin extends his hand and Beomgyu takes it, breath once again hitching at the contrasting roughness between their skin. "Choi Soobin, English major."

"Choi Beomgyu, English major." They shake hands; Soobin’s grip is strong but respectable. "Nice to meet you, Soobin."

"Nice to meet you, too." Soobin glances down at his watch. "Do you want to join me for coffee?"

"Sure?"

Well, that definitely worked. 

Soobin takes longer strides than Beomgyu does despite the fact that he's only a smidge taller, and Beomgyu is panting a little when they reach Calloway Coffee again, this time together. 

"Hiya, Beomie," Winter says when they come up to the counter. "And Beomie's friend."

Beomgyu blushes at the nickname.

Soobin’s eyebrows furrow and he frowns but brushes past it. "Medium Calloway Special, please." He turns to Beomgyu. "What do you want?"

"Pomegranate iced tea," Beomgyu says. 

Soobin pays for the drinks. Beomgyu doesn't feel like he's in the right position to protest it. 

"You didn't actually make me very mad," Soobin says when they're sitting at a table across from each other. Those same pretty sunbeams are slashing across Soobin’s pretty face.

Now that he's closer, Beomgyu is more able to look at Soobin. Deep brown eyes like an abyss behind round framed glasses, tiny freckles scattered across his face (Beomgyu specifically notices the one on the bridge of his nose and another on his ear), a crook on the bridge of his nose and a little gold stud in the soft cartilage at the side of it, and shining, straight teeth are all things Beomgyu notices. 

Beomgyu is not gay for Gatsby, but Soobin is attractive and he's not afraid to admit that. 

"You're staring again," Soobin says, taking a drink of his pale brown drink. 

"Sorry."

"Why do you do it?"

"You're... I'm not sure. I like looking at you."

"Thank you." Another sip of the drink. The lollipop is long gone by this point but Soobin's tongue is still blue. "You didn't actually make me very mad," he says again. 

"I didn't?"

"No. A little, of course, it wasn't very nice to assume something that might've not been true, but I respect that you challenged me. Not many people try to; they get intimidated by my use of long words and complex ideas. It gets annoying sometimes."

"Oh." That's why they're here, drinking cafe specials after class together: he didn't screw it up too much.

"Yes." Soobin’s eyes skim around the shop, then land back on Beomgyu. "So, Mr. Choi, what brings you to Calloway?"

"Full-ride scholarship." The pomegranate syrup in Beomgyu’s tea dries his mouth out. "You?"

"Same reason. Got letters from a bunch of places because of my SAT and ACT scores, then published an essay from the New Yorker, got a thousand more offers, and decided to go where the dice roll wanted me."

"Dice roll?"

"Yeah, I put all my top 10 choices in a random generator and Calloway came out on top."

"So you're here because of a generator?" Beomgyu sets his drink on the table and gawks at Soobin for a moment. "What were the other options?"

"Yale, M.I.T., Stanford, Oxford, Brown, few others." Soobin looks down at his cup. 

"You're very smart."

"I have a photographic memory."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Cool." Beomgyu pauses for a moment, looks at Soobin’s hands. They're strong and tanned, quite veiny actually that’ll stay in his mind forever unfortunately. "Why the lollipops?"

"No, no, you asked a question, now I get to ask. Are you romantically involved with the barista?"

Beomgyu blushes. "No, we've just flirted a few times."

"Interesting."

"What's with the lollipops?"

"I have a bit of an oral fixation. Why'd you choose Calloway?"

"Came to this town once a long time ago, really enjoyed it, thought I'd like spending my college years here. The full-ride was nice, too." Beomgyu’s still watching Soobin’s fingers as they thump against the wooden top of the table. "Sorry for assuming you were gay."

"I... you weren't wrong, I suppose, just- just don't do it again. It was still rude, even if you were correct in your insinuation."

"You're..."

"Yes, I'm gay. Do you have a problem with that?"

"No, no, I- my roommate is bisexual and my older sister is gay."

Soobin frowns. "That doesn't answer whether or not you have a problem with it."

"I don't, I swear."

"Good. Because I would have to never speak to you if you were homophobic in some way."

"I'm very far from that. Completely supportive." Beomgyu stops before he says something stupid. "You and Yeojun, why do you call each other brothers."

"Oh good you know we're not actually related. Both of us grew up together, I moved in with his family when we were young. I’ve had such a fun time with them." Soobin’s eyes flick down for half a second, maybe to Beomgyu’s throat, then they're back to Beomgyu’s eyes. "What dorm building do you live in?"

"Same one as Yeonjun. We share a bathroom. What's your family like?"

"That's a third-date question."

"This isn't a date."

"Precisely. We're far from a date so you don't get to know about my family. Simple as that."

"Oh." Beomgyu wants to know more about Soobin’s life. He could probably ask Yeonjun, but that would ruin the fun of it all.

"And of course this isn't a date. You've made it clear that you're blatantly, remarkably, undeniably straight and it would be awful of me to flirt with a straight man."

"Yes."

Because he's not gay for Gatsby and this isn't a date, it's a get-together between acquaintances and he's having a good time so far. Nevermind the fact that he likes looking at Soobin’s hands or his mouth or has caught himself wondering what it would be like to touch the cloud that is Soobin’s hair. 

The rest of the coffee hangout is nice. They continue the quickfire questions, slowly learning more about each other. Soobin is double majoring in Criminology and Creative Writing and minoring in Music, specifically the trombone. Soobin hates most modern literature because nothing is new, but he likes classics like "Huckleberry Finn" and "Great Expectations". He was neighbors with Yeonjun before moving into his family’s house. Yeonjun is a year older and he has an older brother named Taehyung. Soobin lives in his own apartment off-campus and publishes his writing as a part-time job. 

They shake hands as a farewell. Soobin’s grip is still strong; Beomgyu likes touching Soobin’s hands. 

On his walk back to the dorm, Beomgyu passes the goose pond and sees the geese twirling around each other in the water, doing a simple aquatic dance and looking peaceful as ever. Beomgyu again hopes to be peaceful enough to dance with someone like that. 

His brain wonders if he could dance with Soobin. 

Beomgyu shakes his head and continued walking. 

Why would he ever dance with Soobin?

Chapter Text

As September slowly transitions to October, Beomgyu goes to football games with Kai, plays music with Taehyun and Yeonjun , and goes on coffee outings with Soobin. 

He and Soobin’s relationship is an interesting one. They don't really hang out during class, but sometimes one of them texts that they need a break from everything and they meet at Calloway Coffee to get drinks and talk for an hour. 

It's almost like a Friends with Benefits where the benefit is conversation and cafe drinks rather than sex. 

Sex with Soobin would be... no, Beomgyu is NOT thinking about that. 

Now, on a cloudy Friday afternoon, it's another one of their get-togethers. 

"Have you ever tried fencing?" Soobin asks, taking a long drink of coffee. It's not his usual chocolate macchiato, instead a sweet espresso with cinnamon sprinkled across it. 

"Couple times, yeah. Why?" Beomgyu replies, taking a drink of his own lemonade. It's sparkling and has dashes of orange syrup in it. 

"There's a fencing place a couple of miles from here and I don't know anyone else who would be up for it. You seemed like the right fit." Soobin glances out the window beside them and Beomgyu gets a good glance of his side profile. There's a spattering of stubble on his jaw that isn't usually there; Beomgyu knows it's rough to the touch without touching it. 

"You don't seem like the athletic type," Beomgyu muses. 

"I rock-climb and bike and fence and swim. It helps with the overwhelming amount of information I take in on the daily."

"Right. With the photographic memory... God, I don't think I could deal with that."

"A blessing and a curse, truly. I have anxiety attacks sometimes when I don't properly let it all out, but I've been getting better at controlling those."

The admittance feels like information that's too raw to be said in a casual conversation in a coffee shop, but that's one thing about the conversations with Soobin: they admit things, show emotions, trust each other. It's intimate and comforting, and Beomgyu really thinks the coffee outings are the best part of his week. 

That and the football games. 

Calloway's football team is known for being good and this year they've been crushing it. Beomgyu almost wishes he was on the team, out playing with them as well, but he loves screaming from the bleachers, listening to the band, and shouting praises for the best plays. 

"Do football games overwhelm you?" Dream asks. 

"Sometimes. I don't particularly enjoy going to games, even back in high school, but when I do go, there's only about a 10% chance I'll have an attack."

"That sucks. They're hella fun." 

"I'm sure they are. And before you ask, no, I'm not going to the one today. I have things to do this evening." 

"What, like a date?"

"You sound jealous."

"Only that you're getting some action."

Soobin uses his head to motion towards the counter. "As if you haven't fucked the barista already."

"I have not." Hearing such a crass phrase sounds strange coming from Soobin’s mouth; Beomgyu’s not sure if he likes it. "I might eventually."

Soobin sucks a breath through his teeth before replying. "Good luck with that."

"So is it a date?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." Soobin glances at his watch. "I should get going now. Homework, date, the works."

"Alright." Beomgyu feels something weird in his chest when he thinks about Soobin going on a date with some guy that he hasn't told Beomgyu about. 

Strange. Soobin has his own social life, and can go on dates whenever he wants.

"I'll text you details for the fencing place." 

"Sounds good."

"Goodbye, Beomgyu."

"Bye." 

Soobin places a hand on his shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze before leaving. It's a simple gesture, one that always occurs when they part, and Beomgyu almost likes having Soobin’s strong hand grasping his shoulder. It's comforting, just like the rest of Soobin is. 

Soobin whistles "Casual” by Chappell Roan as he leaves. Beomgyu wonders what that means, then remembers it's just a good song. 

*****************

The game is a success. The Calloway Crows win against the Diamante Tech Razorbacks 51-43 and Beomgyu has practically lost his voice by the end of it. He and Kai are decked in green and black for the school colors, 'CC' painted on their cheeks, and the whole crowd is running on adrenaline by the time the last touchdown is scored. 

Postgame house parties aren't uncommon so Kai and Beomgyu make their way to the Alpha Delta Phi frat house to celebrate it all. 

Beomgyu’s been drunk twice before but this time feels different, cheap beer sliding down his throat and hot bodies dancing to the pounding music around him. He's here to celebrate something that someone else accomplished, to party for what his college stands for, and he feels proud. 

He lost Kai ages ago, swept into the crowds of people and dancing and excitement. He doesn't really need Kai for this, though, not to cheer for his team and get drunk as hell. 

Beomgyu feels a tap on his shoulder as the songs switch and realizes it's Winter. She's in a tight crop top with the Calloway logo on it and a little skirt and Beomgyu feels ecstatic to see her. 

They dance together, jump to the beat of the music and grasp hands. She sways her hips like they're meant to move like that, like she's born to dance to bass-heavy songs and drink shitty alcohol and wear tight clothes and grab Beomgyu’s waist and wrists like they've known each other forever. 

She murmurs something in his ear, something about one-time things and hot kisses, Beomgyu doesn't remember the exact wording even right after she says it, but he nods and grins because it sounds like it'll feel great, and he lets her pull him upstairs by one hand. 

Beomgyu pushes her against the wall of an empty bathroom, breathes in the pungent scent of her perfume and tastes beer on her tongue. Her lipstick leaves streaks of pigment across his mouth but he doesn't care, he's too caught up in the flow of everything to care. 

Winter makes him promise that this is a one-time event, no strings attached, and he's too buzzed on adrenaline and alcohol to even ask why, and he's not disappointed by it. She's nice and she kisses good enough, good enough for Beomgyu to feel nice, good enough for a one-time thing. 

He feels the beat of the music in the granite countertop when she sinks to her knees and drags his jeans down with her. Beomgyu grips the edge of the counter and wonders if it would feel this good if his mood was different, if they were in a different setting, but she groans and it feels too good and he lets himself get lost and swept away. 

It scares him a little when, for a single clear moment, he imagines the mouth of a man he's seen sucking on blue raspberry lollipops is wrapped around him instead, but Winter grips his thigh tight and Beomgyu doesn't think about that anymore, just what's going on right then. 

Another thought sneaks into his mind without his permission, one that reminds him that Soobin is on a date somewhere with some guy, and when Winter stands back up, wiping her mouth and grinning, Beomgyu has to kiss her hard and dirty so he doesn't have to think anymore. 

It feels great to crash into his own bed an hour later, empty water bottle on the windowsill next to his bed and Kai still out somewhere. Yeonjun takes care of him, makes sure Beomgyu isn't too drunk and that he has a granola bar before he sleeps, and Beomgyu leans on him and murmurs something about lollipops and good kisses, and Yeonjun just gives him a knowing smile and drops him into bed. 

In the morning, Kai won't tell him where he was but from the looks of it, he had a good night as well. Both of them have pounding headaches and Beomgyu prays that he'll be able to finish that paper that's due tomorrow without downing too much Advil. 

He wishes he could see Soobin and talk about something, anything, but Yeonjun says Soobin is always busy on Saturdays and Beomgyu will definitely be able to see him on Monday at least. 

On Saturday night, they have another game night, just Yeonjun, Taehyun, Kai, and Beomgyu, and it feels amazing to relax and not think about anything rather than the Monopoly board in front of them. Taehyun flips the board when he goes bankrupt and Kai grabs a puzzle instead (Yeonjun's got board games and puzzles galore stashed under his bed), and they end the night playing Cards Against Humanity and laughing their asses off. 

More than once, Beomgyu wishes Soobin was there with him, sitting as close to him as Taehyun and Kai sit next to each other, but he tosses the thought from his mind and falls asleep on the floor with his head on one of Kai’s sweatshirts. 

He gets a text from Soobin on Sunday morning. 

'Fencing on Thursday afternoon, 4:45'

It's not even a question and Beomgyu doesn't need it to be because he would say yes either way. 

Damn, what a good weekend.

Chapter Text

"Afternoon," Soobin says when Beomgyu comes up to him. He's waiting outside the sports complex, bag slung over his shoulder. 

"It is." Beomgyu looks at the bag resting at Soobin’s hip. "I don't have my stuff, it's all back in L.A."

"Totally cool. They have the gear to rent from here so you don't... well, so we're safe and no one is going to lose an eye." Soobin turns to the door. "Shall we?"

One thing Beomgyu has observed: Choi Soobin is not worried about his money. Yeonjun said that Soobin is good with his finances, that he gets paid handsomely for his published work and artistic jobs, and Beomgyu always wonders how the man ever gets any sleep during his seemingly very busy life, but it's fascinating to watch Soobin pay for their drinks at the coffee shop or their $15 fees for use of the sports complex. 

The second thing Beomgyu has observed: Soobin, despite describing his social anxiety in detail to Beomgyu, is good at talking to people. He's charismatic in a quiet sort of way, just able to be kind and click with any people he has to interact with. 

The man behind the front desk directs them towards the fencing arena, which is also an arena for boxing, sparring, martial arts, and a Tai Chi class that Soobin had expressed intrigue about during their coffee outing on Tuesday. 

Another man, this one big and burly but with the kindest face Beomgyu has ever seen, helps get them set up with proper equipment and a time limit of how long they can practice. He also points to a set of swords on the wall, saying they're available for use as well if you sign a waiver and talk to him about it. 

Soobin mutters something about that being a liability and Beomgyu gives him a playful punch to the arm for it, getting a smile from Soobin. 

He likes looking at that smile. It's a good one, makes little crinkles form at the corners of Soobin eyes and makes him look a little more awake than he usually does. 

The borrowed gear is a little tight in the wrong places, makes Beomgyu squat and adjust the material every few seconds, but when they get going, when Beomgyu focuses on Soobin and the swords rather than everything else, he doesn't really mind it. 

Beomgyu is a little out-of-practice, admittedly, but he picks it back up quickly. His body remembers the movements it once performed and he performs his dance again, this time with Soobin as his opponent. Studying something for four years gives you a good knowledge of it, and Beomgyu feels confident as they fall into a rhythm. 

Soobin is good at fencing. Beomgyu isn't surprised by it (Soobin’s good at most things), but he's remarkably graceful in his movements and seems to have the perfect stance and energy at all times. 

Soobin fences left-handed even though he writes with his right hand. 

Beomgyu fences right-handed; he's right side dominant for most things except for throwing frisbees and baseballs. He's tried holding the saber in his left hand before, but his wrist is weak enough that it gets sore easily, so he's on the right hand. 

The score is even. It seems as though they switch off evenly between who wins; round 1 goes to Beomgyu , 2 to Soobin, and so on. Gentle clanging and clacking fill the air of the small arena, along with shuffling feet and heavy breathing. 

Fencing is an exhausting sport and soon, Beomgyu has to buzz out and collapse on a nearby bench. Soobin sits down next to him, hands him a pink plastic water bottle and takes a blue one for himself. 

"So, what would you say to grabbing those swords?" Beomgyu asks, drinking heartily from the water. 

"I think we'll have to put on the Pirates of the Caribbean music if we do," Soobin replies with a laugh. "It would be irresponsible."

"We're college students, baby, we're supposed to do irresponsible things."

The pet name causes a pause in their conversation, both silenced by the surprise of it coming out of Beomgyu’s mouth in the first place, but Soobin quickly breaks it again. "Do you think it'll cost extra?"

"Only one way to find out."

They have to sign three waivers each, stating that the sports complex is merely providing the weapons, the swords will not be removed from the premises, and essentially, if they get hurt, it's their own damn fault. 

Soobin grumbles about legality and health insurance. Beomgyu follows the worker and watches excitedly as he takes the two swords down from their display shelf on the wall. 

"Be careful with these," the worker says. His nametag says 'Jay'.

"We will," Beomgyu replies. 

Jay leaves them alone just as Soobin balances his sword on his finger. "This is well-made."

"Mhm." Beomgyu knows nothing about swords, just knows he likes the flat blade and leather-wrapped hilt of the weapon. 

"They're rapiers," Soobin says, spinning his sword in his hand a few times with graceful, calculated flicks of his wrist. "Someone put a great deal of care into crafting this."

"How did you do that?"

"Do what? This?" Soobin spins the sword again. "I had a toy Lightsaber when... it was the first proper toy Yeonjun’s parents bought for me. I wanted to know how to spin it, so I figured it out."

"You're good with your hands," Beomgyu says on impulse. 

Soobin’s eyes widen and his cheeks flush pinker than he’d ever seen them. "Thank you? I do- I- lots of things. With them. Yeah. Thank you."

"What kind of things?"

Soobin composes himself again, though his cheeks are still pink. "Sword Fighting, what else?"

That was definitely flirting from both sides, but to his surprise, Beomgyu is not complaining much. Soobin seems to be solid enough that he doesn't blush often, so Beomgyu feels accomplished. 

"Oh, I can think of something," Beomgyu mutters, making himself blush. God, that's probably too far, but Soobin doesn't look uncomfortable, just flustered and there's something else in his eye... no, Beomgyu’s not gay for Gatsby and they're here for sword-fighting, not flirting. "Shall we?"

The balance of the rapier is much different than the saber, but again, they both get the hang of it quickly. The weapons are light enough still that they only require one hand, but it's still exhausting work, and without the formalities that come with fencing, they're constantly moving. 

"Which one of us is Inigo and which is Westley?" Soobin pants after a moment. Their swords clang together again, the ringing sounds bouncing off the walls. 

"I would think we were more Jack Sparrow and Will Turner," Beomgyu replies. 

"Or Anakin and Obi-Wan." Soobin nearly lands a hit to Beomgyu’s (protected) arm, but he blocks it. 

"No, I don't like that one."

"Why not?"

"You're definitely Obi-Wan and I don't want to be Anakin." Beomgyu jumps to the side as Soobin’s sword barely misses his waist. They've been pulling their jabs obviously since they're not in a to-the-death fight, but Beomgyu still doesn't want to gain a bruise to his honor. 

"I have the high ground!" Soobin laughs, but stops when he sees the playful frown on Beomgyu’s face. "Fine. Then you are Captain Sparrow and I am Will Turner."

"And are you fighting for a girl?"

"Never have, never will, at least not in that way." Soobin grins. "I will only defend my lady if you are a dirty pirate who threatens her."

"Dirty pirate?" Beomgyu asks just as Soobin’s sword comes from above. Beomgyu blocks it by putting his free hand on his blade and holding them both up. They're suddenly very close. "Who are you calling 'dirty'?"

"Would you rather be called 'scallywag'?" Soobin asks. 

"How endearing. I was thinking of something warmer."

"Buccaneer?" Soobin suggests. He's still pushing his sword against Beomgyu but they're no longer fighting, just looking at each other. Beomgyu can feel Soobin’s warm breath fanning over his face; it smells like mangoes. "Captain?"

"No..." Beomgyu’s not quite sure where this is going, but the next word out of Soobin’s mouth drops him at their destination. 

"Beloved?"

"Your beloved Captain Beomgyu? I like the sound of that." And Beomgyu just lets it slide, doesn't pay attention to the fact that Soobin called him a romantic name, doesn't pay attention to the blush on Soobin’s cheeks or the warm glint in his deep brown eyes or the pretty pink color of his lips; no, Beomgyu just pushes Soobin’s sword forward and continues the fight. 

Or maybe he does pay attention to all those, because Soobin is handsome and Beomgyu is not gay for Gatsby. He ignores the fact that Soobin’s smile makes his chest feel warm, ignores the way Soobin’s body heaves with breath as they duel, ignores the thoughts of being pushed against a wall and Soobin winning their fight, but he pays attention to Soobin’s features and strength and grace. 

Eventually, they tire like all people do and collapse once again onto the bench, bodies shaking with joyous laughter and cheeks flushed red from exhaustion. 

"That was fun," Soobin giggles, still holding his sword. 

"It was. God, I've never done that before."

"Well, I'm glad I could be here for your first time."

"Wouldn't want it with anybody else." Beomgyu leans a little into Soobin’s side, because even though they're both sweaty and warm and tired, Soobin’s presence is comforting. "Good fight, Mr. Choi."

"Excellent fight, Captain Beomgyu." Soobin stands finally, barely catching Beomgyu from toppling over, and grabs Beomgyu’s sword. "Shall we fight again sometime?"

"I'd like that."

"And you're paying next time."

"I'm a broke college student, though!" 

"And you think I'm not?"

Beomgyu raises his eyebrows and Soobin just shakes his head. 

"You're lucky I like you, Captain Beomgyu." Soobin gives him another smile. "Now come on, I have math homework that won't do itself."

Their fingers brush together as they leave the sports complex and Beomgyu almost grabs Soobin’s hand, but he doesn't. 

Because Beomgyu is not gay for Gatsby.

Chapter Text

Study date. 

Study date?

Platonic study date. 

It's after midnight and Beomgyu is sitting across from Soobin in the library, slowly making his way through Animal Farm, the Communist Manifesto, and an essay on how both of them relate to each other. 

He hates it. It's long, tedious busywork that makes him want to stop doing things and go to sleep. 

Soobin keeps him honest. That's one problem with studying with Soobin: Beomgyu can't take breaks until mandated break time, which is once every hour, and Beomgyu just wants to take twenty minutes to play mindless games on his phone. 

Eventually, Beomgyu just closes Animal Farm and sets it on the table in front of him, instead choosing to observe Soobin. 

He looks comfortable in this setting, the stick of a pineapple-flavored lollipop hanging from his mouth. Soobin has been working on criminology stuff, Beomgyu’s not quite sure what the assignment is, but he's got a textbook on his lap and is flipping the page every few minutes. 

It's a nice sight to see, in the quiet of a library at 12:30am on a Wednesday morning. Everything from the sound of Soobin’s breath to the waves in his hair is peaceful, calming. Soobin looks handsome in this setting, he always does, and Beomgyu wants to kiss him, he always does, and... 

Oh god. 

He wants to kiss Soobin.

Oh god, oh god, oh god, he's gay for Gatsby. 

Beomgyu's looking at Soobin, and not for the first time, he wishes he could kiss him, that they could put down their work and make love against one of the bookshelves. 

How strange that it happens right now, right in the middle of the library, early on a random Wednesday morning, and Soobin hasn't even done anything and now Beomgyu’s having a crisis because he wants to kiss Soobin. 

When Soobin glances up at him for a moment, he flashes Beomgyu a gentle and tired smile, and Beomgyu wants to run his hands through Soobin’s hair and kiss his cheeks and fall asleep next to him, curled on the tiny twin bed in his dorm room. 

"You good?" Soobin asks, voice deepened from a long day of use, and all Beomgyu can do is nod and try to will the blush away from his cheeks. 

"Fine, yeah, just tired."

It makes so much sense. It makes sense why he's wanted to taste the blue raspberry and the pineapple and even the bitter coffee on Soobin’s tongue, why he likes Soobin’s hands so much and why every touch they share sends electricity down Beomgyu’s spine. 

Beomgyu’s definitely not as straight as he thought he was, but now, with a bit of introspection, he's realizing he's wanted to kiss Soobin since he first saw him in the hallway on their first day at Calloway. 

And he's wanted to kiss other people, too. Not just girls, not just Soobin, but all the people he's found attractive...

Wow , he needs to research this, because there's a word for this and he doesn't know and is it really the right place to have a sexuality crisis, in the middle of the library at 12:45 in the morning in a library with the person who set off the crisis sitting right across from him? 

No. 

The answer to that question is no. 

"I think we should turn in for the night," Soobin finally says, closing his textbook and computer and sliding them into his satchel. "You haven't been working for the past five minutes and look like you're going to have an aneurysm and I don't want you to die on my watch."

"Aren't you studying how to prevent that?" Beomgyu asks, feeling very breathless. 

He's gay for Gatsby, remarkably so. 

"I only know how to clean up your body after you've died and it sounds tedious. Definitely not what I want to do," Soobin jokes, gathering the rest of his things. 

Beomgyu tries to do the same but his hands are shaking so bad that he drops his pencil twice and can barely grab his water bottle. 

"Are you okay, Beomgyu?" Soobin, now standing, walks over and puts a hand on his forehead, and when Beomgyu looks up, Soobin’s hair is haloed by the overhead lights and he's beautiful and Beomgyu’s eyes are in line with his waist and oh my god, he shouldn't be thinking like this in the middle of the library. "Your face is really red."

"I... yeah, I'm..." Beomgyu can't get the words out, not when Soobin is standing above him, looking absolutely ethereal in the way only an exhausted college student can, and Beomgyu wants to kiss him so bad he can't breathe. 

"Come on, don't get feverish on me. I'm gonna be annoyed if you throw up on me, just FYI."

"I won't throw up on you," Beomgyu says. 

"Good. Now come on, I'll walk you back to your dorm."

"Alright."

"Get up, Beomgyu, we don't have all night."

"You say that like you're going to sleep when you get back to your apartment."

"Guilty as charged, but I need a shower before I sleep and I prefer to do that soon."

There go Beomgyu’s thoughts. It's like the floodgates are broken, the walls have been smashed down and there's no going back, and his mind wanders to images of Soobin in the shower. 

No, no, not right now. 

He's gay for Gatsby. 

Well, damn, who would've guessed?

*****************

When Beomgyu wakes up, he starts Googling things. 

Terms, possibilities, what this means. 

He also looks back at his feelings for people in the past. 

Takes quizzes. 

Remembers having dreams about wanting to live a domestic life with one of his best guy friends when they were in third grade. 

Remembers having an obsession with BBC Sherlock and the old Star Trek episodes with Captain Kirk and nearly every character on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

All the websites point to "yeah, you're not as straight as you once thought".

Beomgyu wonders if his older sister went through this same thing, if Chaewon spent hours poring over websites and offbrand Buzzfeed quizzes in order to find out if she liked the same sex. 

Chaewon’s always been confident in her sexuality like she's confident in everything else. She's in England, studying psychology at Oxford and living with her girlfriend, and Beomgyu thinks that he should try to be confident with this. 

Beomgyu finds the term "pansexual" and he thinks it fits best, because now that he thinks about it, he wants to kiss people, not girls or boys or anyone else specifically (except for Soobin, he really wants to kiss Soobin). Maybe it's too early to put a label on it but it feels nice to have a word for the feelings. 

Speaking of "confident with their sexuality", Kai has bright orange press-on nails now, which he shows to Beomgyu proudly, saying that Taehyun did them last night when Beomgyu was at the library and they'll go great with his black skirt. He finds the article of clothing and twirls around the room, skirt flaying out like an umbrella, and he looks so happy that Beomgyu can't help but smile. 

Beomgyu’s glad he's got Kai as a roommate. 

**************

The Friday after the platonic study date, Beomgyu, Kai, and Taehyun find themselves at another house party. Beomgyu dresses up a little, makes sure his shirt shows off his biceps and his shorts are tight and small. Kai hypes him up, wolf-whistles playfully and cheers when he gets Beomgyu to twirl around. 

Beomgyu loses Kai and Taehyun immediately, only half on accident, and joins the bodies on the dance floor. He shakes his ass and gives that confidence a try, hoping that his plan will work. 

Because maybe he's actually straight and feeling friendship towards Soobin, and what better way to figure this out than to kiss a guy? 

And it does. While he's dancing, a body slots behind him, taut and strong, and Beomgyu thinks he might recognize the guy as one of the football players. The guy's an inch taller than he is, an inch shorter than Soobin, and he's got pretty brown eyes that glint like he's going to devour Beomgyu. 

He leaves kisses down Beomgyu’s jaw, right there in the living room of the frat house, and Beomgyu thinks 'Yeah, I'm definitely not straight' as they grind and sway and dance together. 

Beomgyu feels overwhelmed when they find themselves in the backyard, the guy's body pressing his against the house. Beomgyu’s always been in the lead when he kisses someone, not the other way around, but it feels good; he likes being the one led through everything. 

"What's your name?" Beomgyu gasps into the cool air, hands threaded through curly black hair. 

"Heeseung. Yours?" Heesung has a deep voice, addicting and rumbling, and Beomgyu feels himself shiver at the sound. 

"Beomgyu-" Beomgyu whimpers out, because he can't think with Heeseung’s knee between his thighs, him being pushed against the wall like Heeseung wants him to get stuck there. 

It's all a blur, a flurry of wandering hands and sinful tongues and grinding, and Beomgyu is breathing hard when they both finish, warmed by Heeseung’s body against his and the adrenaline rushing through him. 

He's never touched a man like that. It's exciting and fun and leaves him wanting more but with a different person. 

Because the whole time, Beomgyu was wondering how Soobin would treat him in this situation. 

Soobin would be gentle and rough at the same time, make the little growls that he always does and make Beomgyu feel so, so good. 

Beomgyu and Heeseung share one last kiss before parting, and Beomgyu has to wander back to the dorms with sticky jeans and shaky legs. They barely talked; Beomgyu thinks the only words they spoke were their names. 

It wasn't even proper sex it was basically just dry humping, but they definitely had sex and Beomgyu liked it a lot. 

His mind is filled with Soobin, Soobin, Soobin, Soobin’s mouth and hands and broad chest, and Beomgyu hopes it's not all a useless pursuit, that he'll someday be able to touch Soobin like he wants to. 

Beomgyu’s shower is still filled with images of Soobin, and he grips and twists and gasps and is glad that everyone is out of their rooms because he moans Soobin’s name when he finishes over his hand. 

It feels dirty, it feels fantastic, and the plan worked. 

Beomgyu is definitely not straight and he's desperately, irrevocably, deeply in love with Gatsby. 

Not Gatsby. Soobin. 

He's in love with Soobin.

Chapter Text

"Kai?"

There's jazz music playing quietly from the Echo. Something in the back of Beomgyu’s mind reminds him that the conversation he's trying to initiate would be considered wrong when these songs were written, but he pushes it down and away.

"Hmmm?" Kai looks up from the book he's reading. It's "Fahrenheit 451", something Beomgyu has never bothered with reading.

"How did you know you were bisexual?"

Kai sets the closed book on his extra pillow and sits up so he's facing Beomgyu. It's a comfortable position, they've been here many times before. "Why?"

"Just... just wondering."

"I blew my best friend."

Leave it to Kai to be so crass and blunt. The man seems to not hide anything from anyone. "What?"

"Not even joking, man. We were on a crowded bus at night, coming home from a band competition and the two of us were deliriously tired, and then one thing led to another and I was on my knees, crushed between the seat in front of me and the seat behind me. It was a weird fuckin' experience but honestly, I don't regret it."

"Is... are you lying to me?"

Kai chuckles. "Sort of. I knew before that, honestly, though I never put a label on it. It took a long time to come to terms with it because I didn't really recognize that my crushes on boys were "crushes", but my obsession with Gregory Peck in sixth grade was explained as soon as I figured out what bisexuality was."

"Gregory Peck?" Beomgyu asks, surprised and comforted by the words that just spilled from his friend's mouth.

"He plays Atticus Finch in the "To Kill a Mockingbird" movie. I heard him say a single word and fell in love."

"That's..."

"A little weird? Yeah, but every queer person has that weird little thing that they can look back on." Kai grins, twisting his ring around on his finger. "I'm really lucky I had super nice parents that supported me."

 Beomgyu stares at his little watchchain plant and contemplates saying his next words before he actually does. "Is there... how'd you know, though?"

"Oh. Ummm..." Kai thinks for a moment. "I got a crush on one of my friends. Super straight dude, totally nice, and one day I just thought about kissing him one too many times."

Beomgyu giggles, half out of amusement and half out of nerves. A silence falls over the room once he's done, not necessarily a tense one, but one that suggests they both know what Beomgyu is going to say eventually.

He doesn't say it flat out. "How... how did you know it wasn't a phase?"

"I didn't, man. Then I blew my best friend and realized it wasn't."

"So you... you blew a guy and figured it out?"

“Beomgyu I’m just gonna be honest, if you're questioning your sexuality, which you might not be, but if you are," Kai looks him right in the eye, "wanting to have sex with a guy is a pretty good indicator that you aren't straight."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Now, if you don't wanna say it flat out, I will say that I support you and love you, dude, and you can't forget that. I'm not the best one to get advice from on this, but I'm still your friend and I'm here for you. You can trust me with shit."

"Best friend."

Kai’s eyes widen and his grin widens across his face again. "Oh, man, that means a lot."

"I know it does." Beomgyu takes a deep breath. "Kai, I think I might be pansexual."

"Congratulations! Can I give you a hug, dude?" Kai asks, and Beomgyu nods.

When he stands, Beomgyu realizes his legs are shaking and there's a tear in his eyes, but Kai pulls him into the most comforting and crushing bear hug they've ever shared and Beomgyu nearly cries into his shoulder with how good it feels.

"I love you, Beomgyu," Kai says quietly, not breaking the energy in the room. "Not in a gay way though."

Beomgyu giggles into his shoulder and feels immediately better. "I love you too, Kai. Not in a gay way either."

"Glad we established that."

Kai waits for Beomgyu to pull away, which once again feels amazing, and when they separate Kai gives him a warm smile.

"I kissed a guy," Beomgyu confesses.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Last Friday, I- his name was Heeseung and we-"

"Woah, woah, did you fuck him?"

"Kind of? We just sorta kissed and... and grinded on each other."

"And you liked it?"

"And I liked it."

"I'm proud of you," Kai says, and Beomgyu almost cries again. "Now come on, we're going to the store and I'm buying you a cake."

"You don't have to do that."

"Yes, I do. Now get your shoes on."

While they're getting ready for the journey, a knock sounds on the bathroom door. Beomgyu opens it to reveal Taehyun and Yeonjun.

"Where are you two going?" Taehyun asks.

"We're getting a celebration cake from the store," Kai says, wrapping his Calloway scarf around his neck.

"Celebrating what?"

Kai shoots a glance at Beomgyu, who does the barest of headshakes, then turns back to Taehyun. "Beomgyu did really good on an essay and it's Friday."

"Lots of things to celebrate, then. Can we come with?" Yeonjun asks.

Kai again checks in with Beomgyu, who nods with a grin.

"Hell yeah, let's make it a party!" Beomgyu says, grabbing his wallet from the windowsill.

When Yeonjun and Taehyun duck back into their own room to get ready, Beomgyu turns to Kai again. "Thank you so much."

"This is something that goes at your own pace," Kai says, grabbing his keys. "And I'm still proud of you."

The walk to the store is comforting. A nip of cold hangs in the October air, turning Taehyun’s cheeks pink in the wind and freezing Beomgyu’s ears off. Kai and Taehyun walk hand in hand like they usually do and Yeonjun talks about the new song he's writing, and not for the first time, Beomgyu’s happy to have them as friends.

Kai leads them to the bakery section of the store and immediately finds a rainbow-sprinkled cake with vanilla frosting and "Congratulations" in loopy letters across it.

"I hate vanilla frosting."

"What about this one?" Taehyun asks. It's a little round chocolate cake with chocolate sprinkles and blue frosting reading "It's a Boy" and Beomgyu laughs so hard that they have to get it.

While they're in line for the checkout, Beomgyu feels a tap on his shoulder.

"Hey," Soobin says with a smile.

"Hi," Beomgyu blushes. He catches a glance of Kai’s wide eyes but ignores him. "What are you doing?"

"Third-wheeling." Soobin motions behind him and Beomgyu sees two of Soobin’s friends, Sunghoon and Niki, in front of a tortilla chip display. "Nikii wouldn't stop whining that he didn't have mint gum and I wanted a pack of rootbeer, so here we are."

"Cool." Beomgyu feels starstruck, honestly. "We needed cake."

"Oh, I'm jealous of that."

"So Soobin, would you say you would like some of Beomgyu’s cake?" Yeonjun asks, a shit-eating grin on his face.

Soobin shoots a murderous glare at Yeonjun as Beomgyu blushes so hard he feels like he might pass out from the lack of blood everywhere else in his body.

"Yeonjun, please don't." Soobin takes a deep breath, seemingly to compose himself. "See you tomorrow?" He glances back at Beomgyu.

"Tomorrow," Beomgyu nods.

He watches Soobin back as he rejoins Sunghoon and Niki and heads off to the rest of the store.

"So, have you kissed yet or not? Because Soobin won't tell me anything," Yeonjun says.

"What? No, we haven't kissed, I'm-" Beomgyu would usually say 'straight' here, but that's obviously wrong. "No, we haven't."

"Damn, really? 'Cause you two were just making major heart eyes at each other and I definitely thought you'd have done something about it by now."

Taehyun pays for the cake because Beomgyu is spluttering, Kai’s busy gawking at Beomgyu, and Yeonjun is shaking his head in disappointment.

"Beomgyu," Kai hisses, grabbing his arm as they walk out the front doors of the store. "Are you-?"

Beomgyu nods, because he knows what Kai’s going to say. "I'm gay for Gatsby."

"Wow, you're gayy. Gay for Soobin Oh my god, which we knew from the first day and you only just figured out."

"I didn't know I wasn't straight!" Beomgyu protests.

"Oh man, you're so very gay for Gatsby."

"Yeah, I know."

"And he's gay for Mr. Carraway."

"No, he can't be."

"Beomgyu?" Kai grabs both his shoulders and looks him in the eye. "He is. God, I could practically taste the tension between you two just now."

"No, no, this isn't... he thinks I'm straight, that makes no sense."

"And he's back in denial." It's the eye roll to rule all the eye rolls, and Beomgyu doesn't get why Kai has to be so dramatic about it. "Come on, dumbass, we have a cake to eat."

Beomgyu’s not in denial.

He just knows that Soobin isn't interested.

"Did kissing that guy count as cheating on Soobin?" Kai asks as they begin their walk back to the dorms.

"No, cause we aren't dating. And we probably won't, because he doesn't like me like that."

"You keep telling yourself that and you might believe it's true." Kai runs up to walk with Taehyun, leaving Beomgyu to stew in his own thoughts.

He would love if Soobin liked him back, but that's obviously not gonna happen.

Oh, how he wishes it would happen.

Chapter Text

Haiii! so sorry for not updating I have been in rehab lol! I still am actually. I will update in about a month unfortunately as I am still working my program but soon guys trust!