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Chapter Text

“And what’s all this?” Lucy walks into their home Noah standing under a congratulations banner – picnic set up on the floor with a bottle of bubbles.

“To the newest graduate of the Police Academy!” He says before blowing on a streamer.

“Isn’t this breaking a cardinal fire-fighter sin” Lucy smiles and goes to hug him “I’m pretty sure that you shouldn’t be celebrating being married to a cop.”

“Well, that’s why you’re my secret bride” Noah laughs pulling her into his arms “But I’m so proud of you angel”

“You didn’t need to do all this NoNo, we said no extras, not now.”

“It’s a bottle from our wedding and I stole the sign from lost and found at work.” He assures her “The take-out I did pay for yes, but it’s in the budget, we’re fine I promise.”

“Thank you.” Lucy smiles happily “I really do appreciate this so much.”

“Now, let’s sit down and raise a glass to the next and best ever Chief of Police!”

“Oh, mighty sure of me there, I’ve still got to get through my rookie year.”

“You will, I know you will, and it’ll be the best year ever.”

“I love you NoNo.”

“Love you too Hotpants”

“You know…” Lucy says later, the two of them laying on the floor together sated in all manners “At some point we might need to look at getting some more furniture.”

“Baby steps, once you’re a P2 and get your increase we can work on that, but we’ve managed to buy, well our first little shoe box, so let’s just be happy with that for now.” Noah laughs “And eating on the floor isn’t the worst thing in the world, we're still young enough to do it.”

“Keep an eye out on the streets, maybe we can find something sort of broken and make it work.” She suggests "Touch of paint, some nails, I'm sure we can figure things out."

“Will do.” Noah nods “But hey, as long as we have each other, we have everything we will ever need.”

“100% agree with you there.”

“Now, I’m sorry I don’t have time to take off with you, but you rest up this week, so that when you start training you have all your strength.”

“That’s the plan, I’m going to meal prep, and maybe look at unpacking some of the boxes in our little office and come visit my sexy husband at the station whenever I have a moment.”

“And lots and lots of sex, right?”

“Oh tons, obviously.” Lucy laughs “In fact…I’m up for round two if you are.”

“Always!” Noah rolls over her “Without a doubt, I’m the luckiest man in the world.”

“Now, you behave yourself today, Officer Chen.” Noah kisses her goodbye a week later “And message me at lunch if you’re able to.”

“I will, I promise, I expect a bubble bath when I get home.”

“Best I can offer you is a shower and a foot rub.”

“Eh, I’ll take it.” Lucy tugs on his shirt “Thank you for being my biggest cheerleader, I love and appreciate you more than you know.”

“No, I know, because I feel the same for you.”

First arrest made before I even started shift! Also you need to ask Bobby to look at the baby fire truck, she broke down on me again.

Well done my rockstar and will do. I’ll fetch you from the station after shift.

No, it’s okay, I’ll get J to drop me off, changing into my uniform now! I love you

Bring home that uniform and the handcuffs tonight, Officer.

Understood 😉

“I’ve been shot boot! Where are we?”

For half a second Lucy was a little shocked, Bradford had just been asking her why she wanted to become a cop and now this, but thankfully she had spent more than enough time riding around with Noah to know the streets inside and out.

“Um, corner of Le Brea and Bellview Sir” Lucy takes a quick look outside “Do I need to drive us, I mean if you’ve been shot and all? Or am I calling a RA instead?”

“Don’t get cocky boot, knowing the streets names are one thing, knowing the streets is another!” Tim snaps at her and starts driving again.

“Understood Sir, I'm here to learn” Lucy holds back her eye roll, thankful again for Noah, who had given her the ins and outs of being effectively a rookie, even though their roles had been vastly different. “So do you want to actually know why I wanted to become a cop Sir?”

“Nope, don’t care, as long as you don’t get me killed.”

“Fair enough, I’ll ask the same of you though.”

“Listen boot, you taking down some low hanging fruit this morning does not make you anywhere near the same level as me, I’ve been doing this for 12 years now, I take my training responsibilities seriously but learn some respect!”

“Understood Sir.”

“And try sound a little more respectful when you say that.”

“This is just how I sound Sir.” Lucy says, trying not to daydream about being back home with Noah, blowing off steam.

You surviving boot?

Call me that again and the handcuffs stay at home NoNo

Understood Officer Chen! Yes Ma’am!

Idiot, but yeah, it’s not too bad, I mean the man is a colossal ass, but eh, I’m dealt with worse.

Hopefully you are not referring to me here?

Never you, you are my sweet, fluffy, marshmallow man.

Good! Love you babe

Yeah, love you too, very much.

“How’s Noah?” Jackson smiles watching Lucy texting

“He’s good, but ssshhh, you know I don’t want anyone here to know about my personal life.”

“Oh, and I agree, being the rookie married to a firefighter…not a good look, no matter what my dad says.”

“Well, your brother is a fire-fighter, so he might be biased.”

“Maybe, but hey, at least one of his children turned out alright.” Jackson laughs and Lucy throws a piece of salad at him with a glare.

“Choose a side Officer Chen.” Jackson chucks it back at her.

“Never!” Lucy can’t help but laugh “You need to pop round for dinner again soon.”

“I will, once we’ve both gotten our footing, I promise.”

“Good! Now, back to work Officer West, let’s prove to them that we are the very best this station has ever seen.”

“The best this city has ever seen.” Jackson says firmly “We’ve got this.”

“Honey I’m home!” Lucy calls out and then squeals when Noah lifts her into the air swinging her around.

“Welcome home babe.” He lowers her slightly to bring their faces together “Did you have a good day?”

“Well now, it’s the best day ever, but mainly because of coming home to you.” Lucy kisses him softly “Let me down, let’s have a shower and I’ll tell you all about it.”

“I believe I also owe you a foot rub.”

“Trust me, that I have not forgotten Mr.” Lucy says as they walk to the bathroom “And trust me, my feet need it desperately.”

“So, I take it that you didn’t just sit all day in your car eating donuts”

“I think my TO might be allergic to donuts, and sitting, and smiling, actually I think he might be a malfunctioning robot honestly.”

“Why don’t you say what you really mean?” Noah laughs “Was he that bad?”

“Ah just using those age-old intimidation tactics you know, nothing I can’t handle though.”

“I mean you managed to train me to put the toilet seat down, so I’m sure that you can handle anything he throws at you.”

“Well, I trained you in a very unique way, don’t think that giving him blowjobs when he’s a good boy would be appropriate.”

“I guess not.”

“And as my husband, I’m also not convinced you should be trying to convince me to do that with another man.”

“Another excellent point.”

“I only make excellent points.” Lucy says smugly “No matter what the day throws at me, coming home to this, to us, will always be worth it.”

“Agreed” Noah kisses her hard “And we will always come home to each other.”

Tim opened up his front door, unsure why he expected anything different that last night, or the weeks before, or the months before. But there was always that stupid hope that just maybe she had come home, that this time she was willing to actually go to rehab, to make it work. Fuck, honestly, he would even be happy if she had come back to steal what was left to pawn, just so that he knew she was still alive.

But no, the dead stilted air, of no one, nothing, just fading memories, long past laughter, hope of the future they had planned together all gone, nothing but himself and his bottle of whiskey left.

He hadn’t even gotten to cause his new boot to cry, she seemed well, he honestly didn’t know. She was all smiles and positivity, but, there was another layer there, something that made her less inclined to put up with him, even though on the surface she seemed respectful, she certainly was not fearful.

He had spotted her being very friendly with West, maybe they were family friends, being close to the head of IA would give her a false sense of security perhaps, well tomorrow he would just double down. Little balls of sunshine needed to learn, and learn quickly that life was hard, if you couldn’t harden with it, then the streets would eat you alive, he had learned that lesson the hard way. Far too many of them had learned that the hard way, or worse, never learned at all until it was too late.

Chapter Text

“Now what are the rules when, if, we see each other on the street?” Lucy asks straddling Noah the next morning.

“That I need to pretend that I have never met, let alone married, the most beautiful woman on the planet; however, I will not promise that I won’t be checking you out or ask you for your number.”

“NoNo!” Lucy laughs swatting his chest “You will behave understand me.”

“Oh, and if I don’t, what are you going to do Officer?” He rolls them over “Arrest me?”

“Hmmm, and I won’t be making it sexy…”

“You’re mean.” He kisses her quickly “Now, I think we have time for a quick shower together before we go and do some good out in the world.”

“Our showers together are never quick” Lucy rolls her eyes at him. “So, I’ll shower first and you go make us food.”

“You know you’ll need to let go of me so that I can get up right?”

“I don’t want to, go on, win the lotto, so the two of us can just stay in bed together all day long.”

“We’d go mad, quickly.”

“Eh, we can run some charities to keep busy, adopt pets, have some babies…”

“I feel that all of those would still take us out of bed, so, how about until we reach that point in our lives…we go and work.”

“Fine.” Lucy slowly removes her arms from around his neck “Love you.”

“Love you always.”

“Okay Boot, today we’re going to see just how far that sunshine smile won’t be getting you out on the streets.” Tim says as he starts driving them.

“Never assumed it would Sir, I just raised with the adage that you can catch more bees with honey than…”

“I know the phrase!”

“Understood Sir.”

“You need to stop that.”

“Honestly, I have no idea what you are referring to Sir.” Lucy tries desperately not to huff, sigh, roll her eyes, or just tell him to get his computer chip looked at because clearly, he was short circuiting.

“Sure…”

The two of them drive around and then start walking after a while, still in a stilted silence, until it seems like Bradford spots what he’s been looking for.

“Ghost Head” He calls out to a man, who tries to move away from them quickly “No, No, hold up a moment.”

“This is harassment!” The man replies “I ain’t done nothing”

“You know the law as well as I do, now, stay there.” Tim frowns “Search him boot.”

“What?” Lucy looks at him surprised and then understands that this is another stupid test of his “Turn around please Sir, hands on the wall.”

“Make me Boot!”

“Really?” Lucy sighs and moves towards him, catching his reactions and quickly bringing the situation under control “And now, instead of me just searching you, you are under arrest.” She slides the cuffs onto him quickly, seeing the fleeting look of surprise on Tim’s face.

“And what did that prove to you Sir?”

“I got to see that you could handle yourself…I need to make sure you’re not getting yourself, or me killed out here.”

“I’m sure they would just build you back together…” Lucy sighs under her breath as she walks Ghost Head to the shop.

“Hey, hey let him go!” Lucy looks up into the drawn and harried face of someone who was clearly not sober, nor had been for a long while.

“Ma’am?” Lucy says softly “I’m sorry we can’t let him go, but I’ll give you my card alright, you can come get him at our station.”

“Isabel?” She hears Bradfords voice wobble a little and approach the woman, ignoring her and Ghost Head. “Isabel, it’s me, It’s Tim. God I’ve been trying to find you…are you…are you okay?”

“I’m fine! Don’t touch me!”

“I just, please baby, I just want to help you, come with us okay, come with me?”

“If you want to help…um…give me all your money.”

“Isabel what?”

“Your cash, now, I need it.”

“No come on, I’ll get you into rehab.”

“I don’t need rehab! I need money, please.”

Lucy watches in horror as Tim hands her all his money and she runs off, him staring desperately after her. After a while she opts to softly ask what to do with Ghost Head, already knowing what he was going to say, tell her to do.

“Do I want to really know what just happened?” Lucy asks gently when they are back in the shop.

“That was my wife…” She hears him admit softly, and she can see him trying to hold back his tears “I haven’t seen her in over a year.”

“Oh god…I’m so sorry Tim, don’t worry, I won’t…I won’t say anything, not to anyone.”

“You’re damn right you won’t!” He snaps straight back into his hard-assed demeanour, but now she knows what truth, what pain, he’s been hiding, it won’t make it easier to work with him, but it would make her less inclined to shoot him.

Until…well fuck someone else did it instead.

“Don’t worry about me! Shoot back!” He yells at her, even as the blood is pumping out of his body. 

“Not happening, now shush okay, you need to save your energy.” Lucy says pushing down on his wound “I’ve got you alright, you’re going to be okay, I promise.”

“No one can promise anyone that boot, best learn that now.” Tim says softly fading out with Lucy desperately trying not to panic.

“Come here!” Noah pulls her tightly into his arms the second she gets home “Oh babe, Jackson called me, I’m so sorry, are you okay?”

“It was so scary NoNo, so fucking scary.” Lucy admits “The whole day was just a shit show.”

“I called the EMT’s that took him to Shaw, then they spoke to the hospital staff, and while I shouldn’t know this, he’s fine and is going to make a full recovery alright.”

“Oh, thank god!” Lucy sighs, her body relaxing “Thank you, you always know, god you just always know what to do.”

“Yeah, my job.” Noah kisses the top of her head “Now, I don’t care if I need to pull some overtime later to cover the extra costs, I’ve run you a bubble bath, you’re going to go and relax while I pour you some wine, and then we’re going to snuggle and you can cry, or scream or we can go for a run, whatever, just so that you can get some rest tonight.”

“And when I have bad dreams?”

“Then I will sit with you and hold you and promise you that everything will always be alright.”

“I’m starting to wonder if that’s a promise people are able to keep?”

“It’s me hotpants, of course I can keep it, I’m a firefighter, a hero and all that.”

“You’re certainly my hero.”

“Always and forever.” He lifts her up “And I love you.”

“Love you too.”

And now I have an entirely new reason to regret my TO getting shot

This one even worse?

In a sense…NoNo, I’m bored out of my fucking mind!

Oh dear…Bored Lucy is terrifying

Thanks…

We met because you were bored

We met because I was drunk…well a little

Same thing

NOAH!

Sorry babe, I’ll entertain you tonight, be safe, love you.

Yeah, love you too.

“So, what I’m hearing right now…is that when my wife is bored, she catches serial killers?” Noah asks at the end of the day when Lucy is giving him the rundown.

“I didn’t catch him, I just provided backup because Jackson was in trouble is all.”

“You are still phenomenal Luce, and I’m so damn proud of you.” Noah says sincerely. “Now, we both have the weekend off, which is a miracle on its own, so what do you want to do?”

“Hmmm, beach, then a hike, and lots and lots of naked time.” Lucy smiles happily

“Done, done and absolutely done!”

“Oh, and maybe we can even get to some of those boxes in the office.”

“At this point I vote we cover them with a sheet and call them a desk.” Noah rolls his eyes. “We always say we’re going to unpack, we never do, and well we haven’t needed anything inside of them, so do we really have to?”

“Well most of it is over the top stuff for a dining room we don’t have, a living room that we don’t really have and a guest room that we?”

“Don’t have…”

“You guessed it.” Lucy laughs “So, other than not actually having anywhere to put it all…maybe the sheet desk idea isn’t a bad one.”

“How do we have so much stuff?” He asks, his eyes shifting to the room. 

“Because when we were renting, we could afford a much bigger space, but this is better, this is ours, it may be small, but we own this together.”

“We do yes, and we’re so much luckier than most, I know, I know.”

“We really are, I mean disregarding the murder that happened.”

“We promised each other that we would never, ever speak of that.”

“Sorry sorry.”

“Well you know now you need to make it up to me Luce?”

“Oh? Do I now?”

“Hmmm, you do indeed.”

“And how exactly am I making that up to you?”

“Let’s go to bed hotpants.” Noah takes her hand

“I suppose I can agree to those terms…”

Chapter Text

“Look, I know that you’re going insane with your new TO” Noah starts 

“Temporary TO!” Lucy says firmly

“Fine fine, temp TO.” Noah swipes a fry off their shared plate “But admit it, being able to grab a quick lunch together, this is fun right.”

“Yes, of course, it's worth every second of dullness my darling.” Lucy swats his hand as he reaches for another one “My turn!”

“I’ll give you all of my turns as well if you need them hotpants”

“Sadly…I should have less turns, seeing I’m just sitting on my ass for most of the day.”

“Well…I can certainly help you burn off all those fries later.”

“Hmmm, well in that case, go grab me a latte?” Lucy asks hopefully "Keep me awake so we can burn off these later?"

“Sure thing, my beloved.” Noah stands up and gives her a wink “One sugary monstrosity coming right up.”

“Love you.” Lucy sings after him before swiping a few extra fries and waiting for him to come back, lost deep in, well certainly thoughts she should not be having at work when...

“You’re looking a little too happy there Boot.”

Lucy’s eyes look up and sees

“Tim!” She says with a wide smile “Oh you’re doing okay. I’m so glad, how are you feeling”

“What?”

“Feeling? You? How?” Lucy asks again pushing the plate of food towards him “Eat some, please!”

“Um…” Tim looks surprised “You don’t want to know how I knew you would be here?”

“No, I mean I assumed you had me assigned to Wriggly as some test, I also assume you would know where he’d leave his rookies to go, well I don’t want to think about what he does during lunch.”

“Goes home to eat mac and cheese in his undies” Tim supplies

“You know watching you get shot was traumatising enough, I did not need to hear that.”

“I don’t know what to make of you Boot.”

“Sometimes I feel the same about you.” Lucy says and gestures to the plate “Eat, it’s not like I’m using the fuel or anything.”

“Sorry about that.” Tim says swiping some more fries

“No, you’re not.”

“You’re right, I’m not.” Tim says standing up “Well I guess you passed this one Chen, try keep it up.”

“Understood Sir.”

“And seriously, stop that.”

“Still have no have idea what you mean Sir.” Lucy huffs as he walks away.

“So that was Bradford.” Noah slides next to her “He’s…”

“Yeah”

“So…did you give him my share, or your share of our lunch.”

“Wow NoNo!” Lucy laughs and throws some fries at him “I gotta get back to work babe, and so do you.”

“I know, I wish I could kiss you now.”

“We’ll make up for it tonight, I promise.”

“I love you more than life itself Hotpants.”

“Love you too NoNo, be safe.”

“You too.”

“Wriggly seems to think that I’m…an adrenaline junkie or something.” Lucy says softly much later, curled up tight in Noah’s arms “That he has to write tickets, so that people like me get to act like heroes…Noah I feel like a fraud.”

“Why Lu?” He kisses her forehead softly

“Because I’m not a hero, and I’m not trying to play at one, but…is that how I’m coming across? Like a child playing superman?”

“No angel, not at all, and even though I do think that you are the most amazing superhero in the world, that isn’t why you are doing this.”

“Isn’t it?”

“Obviously, otherwise you would have become a firefighter.”

“Noah! I’m being serious!”

“Do you remember what you were doing when we met?”

“Yeah, trying desperately to cover my own ass, literally.”

“Lucy…you were doing pro-bono teaching with uneducated adults, you were making those ridiculous muffins and cookies to hand out at homeless shelters, you were walking the dogs at shelters that no one wanted, and oh wait, you are still doing all those things.”

“Okay?”

“My perfect Sunshine Girl, those things make you a hero, a true fucking hero, more than us running into fires or firefights. Luce, I fell in love with you, not because of your hot little ass, but because you love and care more than anyone I’ve ever met in my life.”

“Noah…” Lucy sighs softly curling more into his side

“You, Lucy Chen-Foster, are a true hero, you are not acting, or trying to show off, you have taken a path that simply allows you to do more than you already do, and even though they made me sign an official document to never say these words to a cop, I’m fucking proud of you.”

“I’m only as strong as this because of you.”

“I’d like to think that we bring out the very best in each other.”

“Yeah, we really do. Thank you, my darling, thank you for all you do, for anyways being here with me, for having my back, for being my everything.”

“As you are mine, now, you might not be needing the rest at the moment, but I do, so let’s get some sleep okay.”

“Yeah okay.”

“Good night my angel, I love you very much.”

“Love you too.”

“Watch yourself today Luce, if I know anything about people coming back from a traumatic event is that they tend to try muscle through it, prove themselves…”

“Act like idiots…”

“Exactly!” Noah says “Call him out if you need to, but don’t let him get you hurt, I sort of need you in one piece.”

“Same goes for you, don’t go falling out of trees when rescuing those kittens.”

“If I do, but I bring the kitten home would that help?”

“Well obviously, I’ll take a kitten for a few of your broken limbs” Lucy rolls her eyes and gives him a quick kiss “Be safe NoNo, come home to me.”

“Everyday, I promise.”

“Welcome back Sir, it’s good to have you with us again.” Lucy says and then holds out her hand “Should I drive?”

“Why the hell would you drive?”

“So that you don’t have to?”

“I’m driving Boot!”

“Yes Sir” Lucy glares softly at his back before getting the war bags and having a quick chat with Jerry before following him.

“We can’t wait for the fire-department” Lucy hears Tim say, but she’s already running to the shop to get the Halligan, another perk of being blissfully in love with a fire-fighter and spending every extra second they could together was, well knowing the signs of hypoxia, and exactly how long they had to get that man out of there.

“Looks like you almost did good there Boot.” Tim says begrudgingly

“I guess almost thank you then Sir.” Lucy says, “But him being alive, is slightly more important to me than your half-praise.”

“I thought you were going to work on being more respectful Boot…”

“Oh I am.” Lucy sighs as they climb into the shop.

“Okay, not even you are this stupid.” Lucy looks at Tim horrified as they approach the bikers “Actually, you know what, I don’t care, I’m calling for back-up.”

“No, you are not Boot!”

“Yes, I am, you asked me not to get you killed, now I’m asking the same damn thing Tim!” Lucy says firmly “I get that you’re hurting, your ego, your body and I’m pretty sure your damn psyche, but I don’t actually want to die, please don’t get me killed because you can’t handle your damn emotions.”

“I could blue page you for this!”

“And I could report you! But I won’t, because despite how you act, I think that you are actually a half-decent pseudo-human, so I’m calling for backup!”   

“I thought you were working on that respect thing.” Tim says later after the bikers has been detained and they were heading back to the station.

“I am, I’m also working on the staying alive thing.” Lucy shrugs and then after a moment adds “You know I still have nightmares right.”

“About?”

“You getting shot!” Lucy huffs “So if I’m having nightmares, I’m sure that you are as well.”

“You’re having nightmares about me getting shot?”

“Yes! I know I’ve only known you for like 10 seconds, but I actually don’t want you to die, or get killed because of me, so please if you can offer me the same promise, I’d be thankful.”

“I don’t want to die either you know.”

“Then please act like it.”

“You like me…” Tim smirks

“No, I don’t! I just don’t deserve to wash out because you die on my watch.” Lucy glares “So please just don’t okay.”

“I’ll try not to, that's the best I can promise you Chen.”

“I’ll take it, thank you Sir.”

“Oh look, you can sound respectful.”

“I’m always respectful, you just need to learn to read my voice a bit better.”

“And you’re back.” Tim rolls his eyes “What in the hell did I do to deserve getting you as my boot.”

“Something good, although I can’t picture that.”

“I can still blue page you, you realise that right?”

“And I can still report you, so how about we both just move on from this moment.”

“Fine!”

“Fine.” Lucy says softly with a small smile.

“So where is my kitten?” Lucy asks with her hands held out when she get’s home.

“I did not break any bones, I was sure that the deal was a kitten for broken limbs.” Noah holds her hands softly.

“Well I could change that…”

“Wow, bad day Hotpants?”

“Nah, it was actually okayish…I mean I did have to call him out, and I got to act like you for a moment, so that was fun.”

“Act like me?” Noah smiles at her enthusiasm “In which sense? Did you put out fires?”

“I used a Halligan to get a man out of the wall.”

“Why was a man in the wall?”

“Well…”

“Actually no, let’s pause, I’ll finish getting dinner sorted and we’ll chat while we eat yeah?”

“Perfect, just what I need.”

“And I made your favourite.”

“Of course you did, because you are perfect, and I love you so much.”

“You deserve it, and well it was my turn to cook.”

“Normally when it’s your turn you just bring left-overs from the firehouse.”

“Which you love.”

“Which I adore, but I adore it when you cook for me even more, because I can taste the extra love.”

“Well…if you wanted to taste extra love…” Noah kisses her hard "I can certainly help with that" 

“Take me to bed NoNo.”

“My pleasure Hotpants.” Noah scoops her up into his arms “I’m glad you had a good day.”

“Me too, I love you babe.”

“Love you too.”

Chapter Text

“So Hotpants…” Noah smiles kissing his way down Lucy’s body “How are we feeling about our exam tomorrow?”

“I’m feeling prepared about my exam tomorrow.” Lucy smiles and widens her legs for him.

“The way I’ve been helping you study for the last few months, I’m sure that I could sit it with you all and also pass with flying colours.”

“I'll tell you what, tomorrow when we get home, I’ll quiz you, and if you pass, I’ll give you anything you want…”

“Don’t you already?” Noah kisses the inside of her thighs “I doubt that there is a damn thing that we have not done together…”

“Well, I’ve cuffed you to the bed…maybe I’ll let you have your turn.”

“Done that before as well.” He nibbles a little mark.

“Not with real cuffs.” Lucy laughs

“Fair…” He says before nibbling a mark on the other thigh.

“Noah….” Lucy whines “Please baby.”

“I’ve got you hotpants!” Noah moves his head to her core, sucking down hard on her clit, bringing up his fingers to slide two deep into her and his spare arm to hold down her hips as Lucy’s back arches in pleasure.

“Oh fuck! That’s my hero.” Lucy moans out, bringing her hand to the back of his head pushing down “Make me fucking scream babe!”

“God!” Noah sighs against her cunt while Lucy is coming down from her high “I can never decide which I love more, your taste, or that delicious fucking noise you make when you cum.”

“Cock, now!” Lucy tugs on his hair pulling him back up her body before kissing him, getting all her taste back from him “Please…”

“Oh well, when you ask so nicely.” Noah grabs a condom and slides it on quickly “Ready hotpants?”

“Fuck me.” Lucy smiles at him and then laughs when he pinches her sides “Please…”

“I love you so much Luce.” Noah kisses her softly, slowly inching his way into her “You are my world.”

“You are mine.” Lucy sighs when he is fully inside her “I would circle the world.”

“I would let myself burn.” Noah starts pumping, kissing her neck, Lucy’s legs wrapping up higher over his waist, the two lost in each other’s warmth, love, joy, in their everlasting happiness, in the promises that they had made to one another, the memories of their wedding vows and their dreams of the long and blissful futures they would be having, together.

“Oi Hotpants.” Noah calls out from the bathroom when they are finally done “Babe, the condom broke.”

“Of course it did.” Lucy huffs “Bring me a washcloth please, my legs aren’t going to work for at least another 20min.”

“Coming right up dear.”

“I’ll grab a plan B on my way home tomorrow, and maybe we need to get a bigger sized condom…”

“Sure.” Noah kisses her with a laugh, wiping between her thighs “But for now, you need some sleep babe, you’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

“Thanks for making sure I’m nice and relaxed, best study buddy ever!”

“Well, it wasn’t entirely selfless.” Noah slides in behind her “Rest now darling, we’ve got the rest of our lives to replay tonight.”

“Looking forward to it.” Lucy snuggles into his warmth. “Love you.”

“Good luck today my rockstar” Noah kisses Lucy before the two head off to work “I’m sure tonight we’ll be celebrating in the very best way.”

“After I quiz you…” Lucy pinches his ass “Maybe get some studying in between saving Lassy from the well and all.”

“You’re hysterical Lu.”

“I know, it’s why you love me so much.”

“Well it’s certainly one of the reasons, now I know it’s your turn to cook, but I’ve got it tonight”

“Oh you don’t have to do that babe, it’s going to be a slow day for me.”

Well…Bobby is actually making a special meal just for me to bring home for you.”

“Of course he is, tell him I say hi.”

“Will do, now go! Don’t want to be late today.”

“Love you! See you later sexy.”

“See you later Hotpants, love you.”

Lucy stood stunned staring at the door, the door Tim had slammed shut on her, the door that held her TO along with a man who she was 100% sure had haemorrhagic fever…

“Tim, you gotta open this damn door!” Lucy bangs heavily on it “Don’t make me get the Halligan!”

“Don’t you dare Boot! I will wash you from the program.”

“Tim please, just open the damn door.”

“Lucy…you know that I can’t, you know this, please don’t make me say it okay.”

“I’m sorry…” Lucy rests her head against the door “I know, I do, but that doesn’t mean I like it.”

“I know, and this is what happens when you like me…”

“I don’t like you, I’ve told you this, I just don’t deserve to wash out because you go and die on me.”

“You know, you’re good at a lot of things Chen, Lying is not one of them.”

“You think I’m good at things?” Lucy slides down to sit with her back to the door “Any chance you’d put that in writing for me?”

“Use your brain Boot.”

“Right, right, Body cams, I’ve got this for all eternity now.”

“You do yes, so even if I wanted to, I couldn’t lie on any reports.”

“Are you going to be okay Tim?” Lucy asks softly “Because washing out or not, I’ll get that damn Halligan, I’ll get you out of there.”

“I know you would Chen, but you’re not going to, because you’re a good cop, even when you’re scared, and I look forward to seeing you become a great one.”

“Oh god, you are dying.” Lucy says, her tears flowing freely now.

“Not today, Officer Chen!” Doctor Morgan says, “We’ve got the vaccine.”

“Oh, thank god.” Lucy sighs with relief standing up and stepping away from the door “Now hurry! Please!”

“Luce!” Jackson rushes to her as she leaves the quarantine house “Are you okay?”

“I’m not going to lie, I was about a second from having to change my pants, J that was scary!”

“I feel you.” Jackson smiles and slides his hand into hers “But we made it through, our first big city wide disaster.”

“You okay J? Need to come over for some good food and bad TV?”

“Well my TO shot me, but yeah, I’m good Lu, I’m going to go and have dinner with my folks, but thank you.”

“Lopez shot you!?” Lucy’s eyes drift up and down his body “With a tranc dart right?”

“No, a bullet, but he’s being dramatic, it was just a scratch.” Angela steps “And look here comes Bradford, on his own damn feet.”

“Boot!” Tim yells out “I’m sure the city isn’t paying you to stand around chatting, go do the paperwork, I expect it flawless.”

“And he’s back.” Lucy smiles “Understood Sir.”

“Still working on that respect thing I see.”

“Yes Sir…”

And then the world went crazy again, and somehow Lucy found herself using her body as a human shield, well guess there was no denying it now, she sort of liked her TO, which at least should make the next six months much easier, they certainly had built up a mutual respect over the months, and today solidified that.

Taking a quick shower, messaging Noah and heading home (Yes fine after doing the paperwork 'flawlessly') she felt that a night with her husband, snuggled up watching cheesy TV shows was well due. Planning a quick meal, a long bubble bath and digging out one of the last bottles of wine left over from their wedding, she waited.

Today was insane! No exam though.

Which means more study time for us.

Wow, lots of kittens up trees today.

Don’t worry about dinner babes, seems like the fallout of today hit you as well, I’ll get everything sorted, you just come on home, text me when you are on your way and I’ll run us a bath, I think we’ve done enough overtime this week to pay for it.

I might fall asleep before you get home, sorry babe, but feel free to wake me up, even better if you’re naked when you do.

Love you NoNo.

“You lose your keys down the well NoNo?” Lucy opens her door slightly sleepily later. “Oh Captain, I’m sorry, I thought you were Noah.”

“Officer Chen, um, may I come inside?” Zoe asks softly

“Yes of course, is Officer Bradford okay? There weren’t any more complications were there?” Lucy steps aside quickly "or do I need to do some blood tests?" 

“No, he’s fine Lucy.” Zoe sighs and then looks behind her, Lucy’s eyes following hers.

“Bobby?” Lucy frowns “What are you doing here?”

“Luce…” Bobby starts, and then she sees it, she sees his eyes, the tears, the filth, the blood.

“No…” She whispers softly looking between them both “Please no?”

“I’m so sorry Officer Chen.”

“He’s just hurt though, he's alive, but he got hurt, right?" She asks with quickly dwindling hope " and you’re just here to take me to him right?”

“Lucy…”

“NO! He’s just hurt okay!” Lucy says louder “Because he wouldn’t, he couldn’t be anything else, and it’s fine, because if he’s hurt then he owes me a kitten, that's our deal, so you can take me to him, and we’ll choose one together.”

“I’m sorry.” Bobby steps up and wraps his arms around her “We did everything we could, I promise you, I’m so sorry Lucy.”

“Bobby no, please, you can’t…he can’t, he promised me.” Lucy starts crying “Please?”

“We’re so sorry for your loss Officer Chen.” Zoe says as Bobby holds Lucy’s body up, her legs caving in under her. “I’ve asked Officer West to come be with you now.”

“Please…” Lucy just keeps begging as Bobby eventually falls to the floor with her “Please no…”

Chapter Text

Grief, it’s most likely the most obscure construct, how does a person grieve? There is the adage that they are all told – about the stages of grief…but is there, was there a time frame on it, what happens when you get stuck on one stage, or when the world forces you to get through them too quickly? What then? Do you start over? Or are you magically healed? Or best of all, could you just not need to grieve anymore? Could it just not...but no...there was time on grief, but it would never be the same, or logical, grief would hit whenever, however it wanted, it would kill you over and over, and you were supposed to know how to, to figure out how to handle it. Grief...how does one deal with grief? 

6 hours so far, it had been six hours since her world had ended, eleven hours since Noah had been pronounced dead, it took them four hours to get him to a place where they could formally identify his body, then another hour to make the calls needed before coming to find her, an extra four hours the universe gave her.

In those four hours she got home, full of relief, joy, happiness. She had messaged him, several times, promises of bubbles baths they couldn’t really afford, of sex, jokes about kittens stuck up trees. Four hours where he was gone and she still thought that he was with them.

Six hours since they told her he wasn’t.

Zero hours since she would accept it.

Lucy numbly allowed herself to be taken to Jackson’s apartment, the rest of the 118 rallying around her, all sitting vigil of sorts, no words spoken. Now was not the time to reminisce, now was the time to cry, each of them in their own horror, Lucy stuck in the worse horror of them all.

Twenty-Four hours later and now, well now she was left alone with his body, staring, not accepting, her friends, his friends, their family, just outside the door waiting for her meltdown, but it never came.

She slid his ring slowly off his finger and added it to the chain around her neck that held hers, although why keeping it a secret was important anymore she couldn't understand, but she felt a stupid sense of comfort having his ring near her heart.

Then she sat and stared, tracing every inch of his face, the one she knew so well, the face nothing on earth would make her forget. Tracing the slight scar over his eyebrow that had once sent her into a flat and desperate panic. The first time he had gotten seriously hurt when they were dating, the scar that ultimately had prompted her to join to police force.

The small birthmark behind his ear, the one she adored to kiss and nibble on, the one that she had sighed against so often in his arms, how she had told him how she hoped that their children would have the same one, to carry on the legacy, because it looked like a flame, and damn if that wasn’t perfect on him.

And then his hands, rough and calloused, even though each night she would rub cream into them, kissing his fingertips, telling him how much she loved him, and how much good his hands did, before he would tease her about how much good his hand could do to her.

His hair, the hair she loves to tug on, to wash, how she teased him once when the edges got a little singed, teased him that maybe he needed to let her shave it all off, and the joyful, giggling sex they had after, her promising at the end of it, fully blissed out, that she would never ever let that happen.

His lip, the lips that had whispered the most beautiful words in the world to her, ignoring anything sexual, because for him, she would have stayed celibate for her entire live, his words were pure, they were love, they were everything, they were her heart and her soul, his words were her life.

“I want to always say the right words, I want to put you first, I never want to be apart from you. Lucy, I would let myself burn, if only that meant saving you. If it was the only way to get to you, I would not even hesitate to walk through the fire.” Noah held her hands softly, sliding on her wedding ring “You are my all, and my flames for our love, would keep me safe, keep me warm, keep me whole”

“I would circle the world Noah, I would search the night for each and every star, hoping that they would lead me to you, and I wouldn’t stop searching my love, not until I found you, I’d look forever, I’d tear apart the world, because we belong together, always.” Lucy took his fingers first, and kissed each tip before holding it against her chest  and then sliding on his ring “You are the fire in my heart, you set my world alight, you make me whole.”

“Luce, I’m sorry, we need to go.” Jackson says softly, pulling Lucy off the chair “I’m sorry, fuck I’m so sorry Lu, but you can’t sit here anymore.”

“Why…” Lucy asked softly, still staring at Noah's face.

“I can’t answer that, any of that, but you’ve been here for hours now.”

“How many?”

“What?”

“How many hours have I been here?”

‘Two, more or less, but you need to come back with me now, you’ll come home with me okay.”

“Okay.” Lucy says softly leaning forward to kiss Noah’s lips, frowning at how cold they were. “Someone needs to bring him a blanket, he’s cold, a firefighter shouldn’t be cold, it doesn’t make sense for him to be cold.”

“I’ll get Marshal to do that okay, come now alright, I’ve got you.”

“Okay.” Lucy says softly and lets him take her out the room, her hand gripping at the chain on her neck. “Um, and you’ll help us find a kitten tomorrow, right?”

“Sure Luce.” Jackson says, his own tears pouring down his face “Whatever you need, I’m here for you okay.”

Three days now, three days since the end of her world and it seemed like the rest of world just went on around, her without her actually doing anything. Lucy had spent her nights with Jackson, Athena had brought her an outfit to wear to the funeral.

Lucy stood there as words were said, tears were shed, as his coffin was lowered, somehow her body did what it was supposed to, her mouth spoke the words they all expected, but her mind, her mind was still stuck playing their wedding day on a loop, and she refused to let anything thing take her away from that moment.

Grief, how much time was enough? How much time was allowed?

Lucy would never stop grieving, but the world around her would…with time the meals would stop, and well she didn’t have the freezer space to save them in any case, so she took them to the homeless shelter her and Noah always volunteered at, until the comments about her loss became too much, and then the meals were left out on the porch for anyone to take.

In an excusably short amount of time, she had to horrifically sit, and she had to calculate, unfairly in her grief, less than two weeks after her world ended, she had to fucking calculate how long Noah’s pension would last her, how much time she had before she would lose their home, their space, the place that held her last moments of joy.

“No one is making you do this Lucy.” Jackson says as Lucy gets ready to go and sit the six-month exam “You don’t have to do this.”

“Yeah, I do, Noah and I studied hard for this, he wants me to get 95%, so I need to get that for him.”

“Lucy, I love you, and you know…”

“No!” Lucy snaps “I’m writing my damn exam okay, I’m doing this for him, he deserves this much!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll be waiting outside for you when you are done.”

“Thank you.” Lucy says and then heads inside, each answer ingrained on her brain, because how would she ever forget some of the last words she spoke to her husband, not the days, weeks or months, nothing they ever said to each other would be forgotten, nothing, not ever.

“Take as long as you need Officer Chen.”

She hears the words, constantly, those damn words “Take as long as you need Officer Chen, the LAPD understands.”

Only to be followed with a worse one...

However …

“We can’t guarantee where you’ll be placed though, we can give you two weeks.”

“Take as long as you need, you can re-join the training program for up to two years.”

However

“We can’t assure you Mid-Wilshire.”

“Take as long as you need Officer Chen"

However

"You need to tell us by this Thursday.”

“Take as long as you need Officer Chen…”

But really don’t, because the reality was if she didn’t get back to work, she would lose their home.

Lucy did the maths, it would take at least 2, maybe 3 months for Noah’s benefits to kick in, and then that would maybe last her one year, if she budgeted, if she took the meals people had brought her and divided them very carefully, if she only showered at the station, if she didn’t turn on the heat, if she was careful, if she pushed through her pain, her hurt her anger, if she made it to P2, if she was smart, if she was careful.

If she did all that, she could keep their home, she could keep Noah’s last space, she could keep his clothing, his smell, she could keep it all, even if that meant losing her soul. But then her soul was already gone, it died when Noah did, it died 13 days, five hours and six minutes ago.

Now she needed to make sure that the loss of her soul, the loss of her life, she needed to make sure that it meant something.

Chapter Text

Grief…Tim sits pondering the word, was it right to grieve the loss of a marriage that honestly had been over for years, even before she left him for drugs if he was telling himself the truth. Yet now it was final, it was undeniable, he was officially a divorced man, and he didn’t even have his damn job to take his mind of those signed papers in the manila envelope.

No, two weeks of doing nothing, and for no good reason, he was fine, all his follow ups with the CDC were fine, this was just the department covering its own ass, two weeks he didn’t need, two weeks of just sitting at home looking over videos of their wedding and then packing away anything that reminded him of her.

According to Angela, Chen had also been off work, although she couldn’t tell him why, medical confidentiality and all that. He knew if he pushed, he could get an answer, as a Police officer, especially one in training, she signed away her right to medical privacy. But then the fact a boot was allowed time off meant it was serious, Anderson and Grey would not have accepted otherwise. He just hopes that she would be fit to return to work when he was, he honestly couldn’t bare the thought of having to start training someone new, or worse, be stuck with Smitty or Wrigley on shift.

And then there was that small niggling voice at the back of his mind that told him that wasn’t the real reason he wanted her to be okay, the real reason was, well he liked her, more than he should, he was hard on her yes, but not nearly as hard as he would have been with other rookies who had even a fraction of her sass, but still there was something about her that seemed to chip away at his hardened exterior, and well, that would not be good for either of them.

His two weeks were finally up, and as he methodically got ready for work, he told himself that he needed to double down, he couldn’t let up and keep letting Lu…fucking Chen get away with her insubordination, no matter how endearing he might find it, or her.

As Jackson gently helped guide Lucy through getting ready for her day back, her eventually snapping at him that she could get dressed on her own and then apologising to him for snapping. Telling him again why she wouldn’t allow her news to spread or even be know to anyone other than him and the Captain, not only because she didn’t want the pity, but because she needed to do this without being looked at like a charity case, being the rookie who only passed her year because her husband died, she couldn’t, she wouldn’t become that. She was doing this on her merits or not at all.

And with that, Lucy promised herself one thing, she was going to be the best fucking hero this city had seen, she was going to carry on her husband’s, their, dream and legacy, she was going to do what he loved about her, she was going to spread kindness, compassion and light, she was going to be his damn Sunshine girl, even if it killed her.

“Well, a big welcome back to both Officer Bradford and Officer Chen, the station as been much quieter without you here.” Grey says as rollcall starts up.

Tim watches Chen from the back, she was thinner, not that she had had much or any weight to lose, but her uniform seemed to hang on her, even though it looked like she had put more effort into herself, her bun more pristinely done than he had seen it before. No earrings, but her hand seemed to keep inching up to her neck, almost on reflex.

He assumed it was because she wanted to get rid of the tie and long sleeves. Well, that would be the first thing she wouldn’t be getting, no matter her score, she’d be keeping those long sleeves on, until end of training if he had anything to do with it.

He forced himself to not seem impressed when her 98 for her exams score was announced, he was slightly more concerned that she didn’t turn around with her cute…no not cute, with just her smug face to show him once more how she was surprising him. Instead, her hand gripped at her tie harder, and he saw West place his hand over hers and squeeze softly.

If he didn’t know for a fact West was dating a male nurse, well he would have his conversation with her about being in a relationship with another rookie. He didn’t catch how he thought rookie and not officer…he should have, but he didn’t.

“You look like crap boot.” Is how he greeted her.

“Welcome back as well Sir.” Lucy says with a smile that didn’t seem to reach her eyes “I assume you’re driving?”

“Stupid question, and you’re staying in those long sleeves, being able to vomit up penal codes doesn’t mean that you’ve earned short ones.”

“Understood sir.” Lucy says and turns to head to the kit room to get their war bags.

“I’m serious Boot, you look like hell.” Tim frowns a little, because now he can see it wasn’t just weight that she had lost, it was the glow that lingered under her skin, the slight pink on her cheeks, hell even her hair and her eyes seemed flat and devoid of life, when before he swears it had seemed different shades of hazel, brown, amber, well whatever, they had seemed to be alive at least.

“I’m fine Sir.” Lucy sighs “But thank you for your concern.”

“Didn’t say I cared if you were fine, I only care about you not getting myself or others killed out there because you’re on your period or something.”

“I was cleared for work; I’m fine thank you Sir.” Lucy says firmly, “No need to worry about me getting anyone killed, that is the last thing I’d allow myself to do.”

“Sometimes it’s not your choice.”

“Of that I’m well aware.”

Lucy was proud of herself, she was keeping it together, and each time Bradford threw yet another over the top Tim Test at her or made a comment on her skills she just slipped back into her dreams with Noah, his faith in her, his love. She told herself she was doing this for him, she was going to make him proud.

For three days now he had hurled abuses, tests, insults at her, it was like she was his day one rookie all over again, but each time she moved her hand to her neck, to the place that held their rings – stupidly glad she was still in her tie and long sleeves, because that kept them safer, more hidden, it kept…it kept him with her and their dream, her perseverance alive.

And then, as all things do, it went to shit.

There was a call out, and of course there were firefighters, and of course the 118 was responding, a part of Lucy’s heart sored at seeing his family again, and then the discussions her and Noah would have about pretending they didn’t know each other flittered across her brain, so she kept things professional, as she would with any other first responder, but as the victim was safe in the ambulance, Marshal approached her, holding her hands gently, asking her in that soft baritone voice of his if she was okay, that they missed seeing her at the station, and that she was always welcome, at his place, his parents, she just needed to reach out.

Tim watched her, watched how she spoke to that firefighter, there was clearly a relationship there, a history, well he refused to be the TO who’s rookie was dating a fucking fire-fighter!

“Chen, look, I don’t give a damn about the life choices you make outside of duty.” Tim starts as they are walking back to the shop. “But on shift, keep it professional.”

“Not entirely sure what you mean Sir?” Lucy frowns legitimately confused.

“I will not be the TO who’s rookie is dating a hose monkey! So, if you insist on breaking years of unspoken rules – at least keep it off the streets.”

“I’m sorry what?!” Lucy stops in her tracks.

“You clearly have something going on with that man back there, and even if it wasn’t unprofessional enough that you act on that while on duty…”

“That was Marshal West, he’s Jackson’s brother, we’ve known each other for years! He’s also happily married!” Lucy cuts him off “And even if he wasn’t, and we hadn’t, it has nothing to do with you who or what I chose to do in my private life.”

“It does when it affects my image!”

“How does it affect your image?” Lucy retorts, Tim seeing some of that fire in her eyes coming back “How? More so than you being married to a criminal?”

“Don’t you bring her into this boot!”

“Why not, you think I don’t know the laws you broke, you had me break to protect her? But I have a gentle conversation with a friend, and I’m the traitor to the badge?”

“You are on thin ice.”

“Always am, aren’t I Sir, just admit it, you’ve had it out for me since day one and it’s pissing you off that I haven’t given you an excuse or reason to wash me out.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“No, I actually don’t, because since you got back from leave it seems that you’re malfunctioning more than usual, and just when I thought that we had a mutual respect, an understanding, just when I, once again, laid down my life to save yours?!”

“People have problems outside of work Chen, I thought you as a psych major would understand that, but I guess you would have been as poor a psychologist as you will be an officer, no clue how to read people.”

“I think I’ve read you well enough…a misogynistic, egomaniac who is so angry with me because I won’t give up under your fake inTIMidation’s.”

“If you really want to know…I got divorced last week okay, so sorry to burst your little self-righteous bubble Chen, but some people have real world problems, not just worried about kittens being stuck up trees.”

And with that last comment Lucy saw red, everything she had been trying to keep inside and clearly had failed at came pouring out.

“Your wife divorced you? Your wife who you haven’t seen in two years?” Lucy takes hard step towards him “That’s your excuse for treating me like shit? For talking about fucking heroes like they are a joke?”

“Watch it boot!”

“NO! No! I fucking won’t.” Lucy yells “So your wife left you, big fucking deal, she’s still alive right? My husband is dead! The man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with is gone, two weeks, four days, six hours and seventeen minutes ago, he left me forever and he is not coming back!”

“What?” Tim looks at her like she’s crazy

“My Noah is gone…and yet I still treat you with respect and kindness, and all you show me is cruelty and derision, so tell me SIR, which one of us is the shitty cop now?”

“That’s not something to joke about Chen.”

“Why would I lie, joke, about something like that, my life fucking ended Bradford!” Lucy starts crying “My life ended and I'm still trying! I'm trying to do good, be kind! But you? You are not! And you’re supposed to be better, know better, god everyone was right, you are just an asshole.”

Chapter Text

“Chen stop!” Tim grabs her arm as Lucy turns to walk towards the shop, letting go quickly as she flinches away from him.

“Don’t touch me!”

“Lucy, please stop.” Tim reaches now very gently for her hand. “Please tell me you’re lying.”

“You know that I wouldn’t.”

“I know.” Tim says sadly, before moving to turn off their body cams quickly “Why didn’t you tell me? God, I didn’t even know you were married Lucy.”

“You didn’t need to know; I didn’t want you to!”

“Why?”

“Because of this, I don’t want that look! I’m not weak and I don’t need your pity!” Lucy wipes her eyes “I am not weak okay.”

“No one thinks you’re weak, no one would ever, god you’ve survived me for 6 months, but you really shouldn’t be at work Lucy.”

“I was cleared! I’m fine.” Lucy stands defiant

“Being cleared doesn’t mean anything.” Tim says softly “I was cleared after my shooting and we both know I shouldn’t have been out on the streets.”

“Well clearly I’m just better than you!” Lucy snaps “I also have more to fucking lose, so stop with the soft words and the fake compassion and let’s get back to work, Sir”

“My compassion is not fake.”

“You have no idea what that word even means Bradford, now, if you don’t think you’re capable of training me, please transfer me to someone who is, but I am finishing my year, I owe Noah that much.”

“Do you really think that little of me?”

“I think nothing of you, and also, with respect, this is not about you, it’s not even about me, it’s about needing to do something, needing to complete something. It’s about our purpose, and I am doing it, without you if needed.”

“Can we please go and talk?”

“No, I have nothing outside of our jobs to say to you, so you just go back to not knowing my life is gone, and I’ll go back to being your irritating boot, and we both go back to doing our damn jobs.”

“Well, we can’t do our jobs like this!”

“You may not be able to, but even as a failed and shit psych major…I’m still capable.” Lucy glares at him.

“Lucy I’m trying here!”

“Well stop it, I don’t need you to try and be nice, I need you to do your damn job and train me, unobjectively!”

“I can’t do that Lucy.”

“Then we’re going back to the station to find someone who can.” Lucy says before turning and climbing into the shop, her hand firmly clutched around her neck.

Tim hates this, especially seeing that she’s back to being devoid of life, which, honestly, he can understand, but right now he feels just like his father, a man who hurts someone just for the sake of hurting her, no real reason, just because he could, because it gave him a false sense of power when he felt powerless.

Lucy was right to say the things she did, even if her husband hadn’t died, what he had been doing wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair…he wanted to say that it wasn’t who he was, but it was, that was exactly the person he was, and he wasn’t a good one.

“Why are you already back at work?” Tim asks when they are driving, determined to take her back to the station to discuss this further “You know you can pick up your training for three years Lucy.”

“Oh, and what do I do until then? How do I pay for our mortgage? Or my food? Actually, I don’t give a fuck about my food, but I will not lose our house just because I couldn’t cut it.”

“There are other options Lucy.”

“Sure, if you’re not a rookie, but when you are, the city gives zero fucks about you, about me, about the fact my husband died saving the lives of children, no one cares Bradford, least of all you, so now I need to care, I need to care about doing my job, so that I can keep our home and our dreams alive.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Neither is life, yet here we are.” Lucy says sadly. “Please, I don’t ever ask for anything, but please Tim…I need to do this, I have to, and I’ll never ask you for anything again, I’ll transfer the second my training is done, you’ll never need to see me or put up with me again, just please…please…I can’t lose this.”

“I won’t allow you to wash out Boot, I’ll promise you that much.” Tim says softly “But from this damn second, we’re being honest with each other okay.”

“I need to make my way on my own merits, not because you feel bad for me, all I’m asking is that you are fair, that’s all.”

“I haven’t been fair though.”

“Then don’t be fair! Be the same, I’m not asking for much okay, just forget my outburst and let us continue as we were going.”

“Lucy…”

“Chen or boot! Not Lucy! I am not Lucy, not to you, never to you again”

“Lucy…”

“NO! Stop it, this is why I didn’t want you to know okay.” Lucy says, “Promise me you won’t tell anyone else, I can’t have them know, I can’t be that rookie.”

“There is no shame at feeling grief Lucy, there is not a single officer in this city who would judge you for that.”

“It’s not shame, it’s self-preservation, despite what you think, I actually feel I could be a good cop, but I’ll never get the chance to prove that if people think I only passed my training year because you felt bad for me, and then there is the gossip, and the looks and the fact, that everyone, just like you are now, will sit wondering if I’m able to do my job. No one will want to go on patrol with me, and I’ll end up being the next Wrigley, and I am better than that.”

He wanted to tell her that wasn’t true, but he knew better. Cops gossiped like high-schoolers, and well Lucy was undeniably…well a woman, so yes, the old boys club would love for a reason to see her as a liability, see her as less than. It wasn’t right, and Anderson and Grey worked hard to stomp out those thoughts in Mid-Wilshire, but that didn’t mean they were gone.

“I can’t promise you that I won’t slip up, because regardless of what you think about me, and what I’ve shown you recently, I actually do care Chen, more than I should.”

“I have no idea what that means.”

“I won’t let you wash out; I’ll keep your secret, and I’ll make sure that you are trained, properly, fairly.”

“That’s all I’m asking.”

“You’re asking for too little.”

“I’m really not, I’m just asking for what I had, before I lost it all, it’s actually rather a lot.”

“Perhaps it’s too much then, but you also shouldn’t need to be asking for it.”

“And yet here we sit.”

“You can wear short sleeves from tomorrow.” He offers as a small and shameful olive branch.

“Thank you, but I’d rather not.”

“This isn’t because of pity, you’ve earned them, more than others.”

“I know I have, but I don’t want them, these…” Lucy tugs again at her tie, and now Tim realises it’s not her tie, it’s what she’s keeping beneath it. “This makes me feel safer, more secure, so thank you, but I’d prefer to stay in my long sleeves.”

“Okay, as long as you need, you keep them on.” Tim nods “And I know you don’t want to hear these words, least not from me, but if you need anything at all, please, just ask.”

“Understood Sir.” Lucy slips back into her shell as quickly as she had burst from it earlier, making him feel almost as heartbroken as when he realised what she had lost, and was still losing.

Three weeks now since he had learned about her loss, three weeks and he watched her like a hawk. She barely ate, she certainly didn’t buy anything during lunches. He saw West get for her from time to time, or pretend to over-order so that she would take the leftovers.

So, he started keeping protein bars in the shop, handing her one at random, while forcing himself to eat them as well while on shift. If she suspected anything, she didn’t say. In fact, true to her word, she said nothing to him that wasn’t required for work. On the streets she was still flawless, she still worked with the public with compassion and care, yes, she ran towards danger maybe more than she would have in the past, but he was the last person to judge her for that.

The only obvious change was the fact a handful of times she had been late to role call – he knew that West was bringing her to work, so he could only assume that she spent a few extra moments in the locker room just centring herself, and they owed her that much, they owed her more honestly, but that’s the only leeway she was allowing him to offer, so if that’s what he needed to do, that’s what he would.

“Bradford, your rookie has been late now 6 times for rollcall and you’ve yet to reprimand her” Grey called Tim into his office one day before shift had started.

“For god’s sake Grey, you know what she’s gone through, I think we can spare her a few minutes.”

“Look son, I’m not saying I don’t feel for her, but there are policies in place.”

“Screw the policies! What about compassion? Lucy literally lays her life down for the people of this city day in and day out – she used herself as a damn human shield to protect me! And how many others, and this is the thanks she gets? You wanting me to reprimand her for being a little late?”

“I don’t like it any more than you do…”

“Then turn a damn blind eye! I’m her TO, I’m the one who gets to decide what I’ll reprimand her on, and this will not be it, she deserves to know that someone in this thankless job still has her back”

“Tread carefully Tim, don’t make the mistake of thinking that you are the only one who cares for the girl.”

“Right now, that’s how it feels Sir, and she’s suffering that hurt on top of the most unimaginable loss, but even though she’s late, she’s still turning up day after day to put herself in harm’s way, because she still wants to make a difference, so if she’s late – blame it on me – I sent her for a coffee run.”

“Understood.” Grey sighs “Get back to work.”

“Thank you.” Tim turns quickly to go and find her, see if there was anything he could do to help.

“West?”

“Ah yes Sir?” Jackson frowns when Tim calls him

“Chen, is she in the locker room?”

“Not sure Sir, she didn’t come in with me today, insisted that she could make her own way.”

“Okay, I’ll check in with Lopez.” Tim nods “And thank you, for…I don’t know…being a good friend.”

“There is very little I wouldn’t do for Lucy.” Jackson says firmly.

“I know the feeling…” Tim sighs and heads off to find Angela, worry already clawing at his chest that he didn’t know if Lucy was here.

“Lopez!” He grabs her arm as she walks out of the locker room “Is Lucy in there?”

“Um…no?” Angela frowns “Didn’t see Chen this morning, which is unusual, even though she’s late to call, she’s here when I am every day, girl sure loves her long showers though.”

“You’ve never said anything?”

“Not my place, and her fucking up makes my boot look good, so why would I.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about!” Tim snaps, his fears reaching higher peaks, stalking off to his truck, he knew her address now, he was going to find her, before she did something the entire world would regret.

Chapter Text

She had intended to go to work and on her own this time, it had been 6 weeks since he was gone, she knew that eventually the kindness would reach its limits, the understanding, even from Jackson, so she thought that she would nip that little heartbreak in the bud, she’d end it before he did.

But then as her first, second, third alarm went off, she just couldn’t move, it’s not like she wanted to anyway, if she could never move again, she’d be fine with that, if she could just leave and be with Noah, that would be perfect. She couldn’t, she doesn’t think that she ever could actually kill herself, but if she didn’t move…maybe death would eventually come for her and do its job. The reaper could take her soul, and re-unite it with his, where it belonged.

And then her dreams of being back in his arms were woken to a nightmare of her fucking training officer at their door, in their space, in a place he didn’t belong, in a place that no one other than her and Noah belonged, and Bradford just kept screaming at her, and all she wanted to do was not hear it anymore.

“Lucy!!” Tim knocks frantically on her door “Chen, it’s me! Open up!”

“Boot! You’re late for rollcall! Open the fucking door!”

“Lucy? Please open the door.” Tim hits harder against the wood “Open it! Now!”

As he yelled and banged Tims panic rose higher and higher, eventually using his body to ram her door open, rushing through the small home, calling for her, and he swears that his heart stopped beating for a moment when he spotted her curled up on the floor, surrounded by boxes.

“No no no!” He dove to the ground, only to be greeted with Lucy swatting at his arm.

“Please go away, I just want to go back to him, just for five more minutes, please.”

“Come on boot, you’ve gotta get up alright”

“Don’t call me that! God please don’t call me that.” Lucy cries, curling more into herself “Not here, that word isn’t allowed in our home.”

“Lucy, I’m sorry, I am, but you have to get off this floor, I can't, you can't stay here Lucy, it's not good for you okay.”

“I hate this so much.” Lucy sobs desperately “I hate that I’m so weak, I hate that I can’t even sleep in our room anymore, I hate that I’m sleeping on the fucking floor night after night, and I hate that I miss his smell, even though I can’t bring myself to smell it, because I hate how that would kill me all over again.”

“I know, I’m so sorry.”

“I just want to go away Tim, why can’t I go away with him? Why did he need to leave me all alone?”

“You’re not alone”

“I am, because he’s gone, and he was supposed to be here, and I hate how angry I am at him for not being here…I’m just so fucking…”

“Tired” Tim offers softly pulling her up into his arms “You’re tired of feeling everything you should never have felt, and I’m so sorry I can’t take that away from you, I’m sorry that you’re having to keep training while this is going on, it’s not fair, nothing about this is fair.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll be better I promise, just please don’t let them wash me out, I’ve got nothing else to live for okay, everything else good in my life is gone, this is all I have now, please.” Lucy sits up, moving out of his hold and wiping at her eyes harshly.

“I promised that I wouldn’t let you wash out and I will keep that promise.”

“But I don’t…Sir I don’t deserve…”

“Now listen to me Chen, I can’t pretend that I’ve always been fair or kind or even a good training officer to you, I can’t, I wish I could, god I wish I could, but I won’t lie to you, especially not now, and you…Lucy…you are a phenomenal police officer, and you will grow to be even better, with or without me, but you need to get off this damn floor!”

“I can’t…I just can’t.”

“Why are you sleeping on the floor Lucy?”

“I can’t go into our room…I haven’t been able to, not since…not since that day.” Lucy admits “That room is my last good memory of us, walking in there without him, I think it would kill me.”

“I want to say I know what you’re feeling, because I felt similar when Isabel left me…”

“It’s not the fucking same!”

“No, No I know that, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…Lucy I’m sorry okay, I’m not wanting to compare our situations, at all, clearly you loved your husband.”

“Of course I do!”

“I just wanted to say I understand not wanting to re-visit a happy moment, that’s all.”

“Why?” Lucy asks sadly “Why didn’t I deserve him, why didn’t we deserve our perfect ending, a proper ending. Why the fuck was he taken from me while I was trying to look after you!!? WHY!” She eventually screams out

“Why? Because you didn’t care, you didn’t want me with you! But he would have…he would have wanted me with him, even when he was leaving me, he would have wanted me to be talking to him, holding his hand, but no, I was with you, an ungrateful piece of shit who wanted to write me up for what I did! I was with you instead of my Noah, and now I just want you to let me die…please just let me die, you owe me that Sir…you owe me my last moments with my husband.”

“I’m so sorry Lucy, god, I’m so fucking sorry, but that, that I can’t allow…you are not leaving this world, not on my watch.”

“I have nothing left, not hope, not love, no fucking money…and you just broke my fucking door to get in here, do you have any idea how much that’s going to cost me to fix?” Lucy says defeated “I have nothing okay, I know even if you promised me that you wouldn’t, the brass are going to wash me out anyway, I’m a stupid little girl, I’m not worth anything Tim! Not to them, not to you, not to anyone since he went away, I am nothing, as much as I want to do good, as much as I want to stop people from feeling this fucking feeling, this fucking heartache, I’m not…I can’t…I’m just not anymore okay, and I don’t think I can be, and I don’t know what to do, because this was all I wanted to do, but…would you honestly trust me next to you? Allow me next to you? On the streets? Like this?”

“Lucy you are a good officer, people respect you, love you, Noah wasn’t your…”

“My what?” My everything?! Because he fucking was! Noah is my soul!”

“He wasn’t the reason that you’re a good person Chen, or why you do as well as you do, that’s you okay, all you, and you know that, deep inside you, you know that he was not the reason you care about the world.”

“His sunshine girl…”

“What?”

“When I…when I had doubts about why I was doing this…he’d remind me, I was his sunshine girl.”

“I mean he wasn’t wrong, and it’s the name affectionately given to you at the station.”

“What?” Lucy frowns at Tim

“Little Miss Sunshine, I mean I may have said it in an insulting way, but people ran with it…in a positive way.”

“I didn’t know that…”

“You didn’t need to.” Tim says softly “and if you don’t like it, I’ll put a stop to it, quickly I promise, but you are not alone in this okay, and I know I will never be your best friend, but I am someone who cares about you, and I know trauma and grief, not on this level, but I understand when your heart is hurting so much that your brain can’t figure out what to do, and if anything, I owe it to you, to Noah’s Sunshine Girl, to not let you become like me.”

“I don’t know how to do this, there was nothing in the rook book about dealing with this…” Lucy looks at him "There isn't a manual for death..."

“I know, and there never will be, so for now. Let’s get off this floor, and maybe, you can open the door to your room?”

“I can’t Tim, please don’t make me go in that room.”

“I’m not making you, I’m asking you to show me, that’s all.” Tim says softly “If you can’t, you can’t, I’ll drive you to the station, we’ll take easy calls all day, and tomorrow morning I’ll be right back here, and I’ll ask you again to show me, or you can come home with me, sleep on my couch, or bed, or whatever, anything other than the damn floor, but every day until you are able, I will be asking you to show me that room, to show me more about the man you love.”

“You would hate him.”

“I doubt that.”

“He’s a firefighter.”

“Okay, maybe I wouldn’t have been his biggest fan.”

“He does so much good, so much, always with a smile, always.”

“I’m sure that he did, especially with you as his wife.”

“He’s perfect.”

“I’m sure that he was Lucy.”

“He is!! IS! Stop saying was, stop talking about him like he’s gone! Just stop it! everyone talks about him like he’s gone, but he’s not Tim, he’s not! He can’t be, because he wouldn’t…please don’t let him be gone.”

“I’m sorry, you’re right okay. He might not be here anymore, but he’s still with you, I won’t, I promise I won’t use past tense anymore, not until you are ready.”

“I won’t ever be ready, not until I join him.”

“Please don’t say that.”

“Why? Because I’m really struggling to remember another reason is there for me to stay?”

“I need you here okay.”

“You hate me.”

“I really don’t, you frustrate me sure, but no one in their right mind could ever hate you Lucy.”

“Not sure you’re in your right mind”

“See, and that is why I could never hate you.” Tim smiles very slightly, because even though it wasn’t much, he knew that Lucy was still in there, trying to protect herself in a way that the world hadn’t, so now, he was going to help her with that as well.

Chapter Text

For the next week Tim and Lucy got into a steady routine. She wouldn’t leave her home, but Tim had got her a mattress to sleep on in the spare room, and each morning, as he promised, he was there, bringing her coffee and something to snack on, and asking her if she was ready yet to open her and Noah’s bedroom door.

He never pushed, when she said no, then that was it, he would drive them to the station, they would go on shift, although after day two he realized that easy calls were not helping, because her work, her calling, that was the short amount of time each day that she was able to switch off, to not focus on her loss. 

He remembered what his grandmother said after his grandfather passed…the days were easy, during the day she could forget that he was gone, she could get lost in her routine, but the nights were the worst, because those were always the memory of him no longer being there.

As much as he wanted to, would, take those lonely nights away from her, it seemed she also couldn’t live without them, her alone in the space they once shared, both hurt her and calmed her. He could see the panic in her eyes when he suggested she stay with West, after realizing that she would never stay with him, that she felt safer sleeping on the floor in a spare room surrounded by boxes.

If it wasn’t for the fact she was clearly on a very limited budget, he would have suggested she get a dog, or a cat, something else alive that could be with her night after night. He knew also now knew he was falling for her, in a huge and stupid, and wholly unprofessional way, and he knew that he had been before he found out about Noah, but now, even though yes before as well it would have been, now he could not possibly act on, admit, or anything really, all he could hope for, was being her friend.

And then two weeks later her world came crashing down, again. It was a routine stop, nothing Tim thought would have normally flustered her, he had heard worse flung at her… in fact he had flung worse at her…

“Dude, do something about your little bitch.” The suspect says as to Tim as Lucy is doing her pat down.

“Watch your mouth!” Tim snaps “Come on Chen, let’s speed things up.”

“Sorry Sir.” Lucy says and hands Tim a small pack of drugs found in his pocket “Just this”

“Which is enough for intent to sell, cuff him.”

“Yes Sir.” Lucy grabs her cuffs “Turn around, hands behind your back.”

“Make me bitch!”

“There really is no call for that language.”

“Ooh, why am I hurting your feelings, are you on your periods bitch?”

And then Lucy faltered, which honestly terrified Tim just for that, because not even the death of Noah made her faulter, and it wasn’t long, but it was long enough for the suspect to elbow back, spin and land a hit to her face, Lucy stumbling backwards and falling.

“And now you’re going to jail for much longer!” Tim practically growls, slamming the man against the shop and getting him cuffed quickly, before calling for an RA.

“Lucy…” He asks softly looking at her stunned, and bruised face “Um, are you okay?”

“Ah…yes, sure of course I am.” Lucy still looks dazed “I’m sorry about that Sir, really.”

“Hey, no it’s okay, happens to the best of us.” Tim assures her

“No, not to me it doesn’t.” Lucy says almost on autopilot.

“Come on Chen, I want you looked at, can’t rule out a concussion.”

“I didn’t hit my head, I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not, and it’s protocol okay, at the very least you know that.”

“Yes Sir.”

“I’m going to be right here if you need me.” Tim says as Lucy is taken into the examination room.

“It’s fine Tim, I’m fine okay.” Lucy says firmly not even looking at him.

“Okay, so this doesn’t look too bad.” The Doctor says looking at her chin “You’re not feeling lightheaded or anything?”

“I think I’m pregnant.” Lucy blurts out the second they are alone “And I need to know, like right now.”

“Oh…um…okay, I’ll get one of the nurses in to do a test and draw some blood.” she says, “But when was your last period?”

“Before…well before my husband…before he.” Lucy starts crying “He…died…two months ago, the night before he…well the condom…oh god…”

“Okay, okay, you’re going to be okay.” She wraps her arms around Lucy “You’re going to be alright, I promise.”

“There is no such thing as being alright, not anymore, no matter how much I pretend, or want to be, nothing is ever going to be alright again.” Lucy sobs “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“You know that it’s okay to not be okay right? No one in the world would judge you for not being okay.”

“Except that they will.” Lucy wipes her eyes softly “I’m sure you know that more than most as well.”

“I’m sorry.” She says, “Do you need a moment before I get the nurse?”

“No, I really need to know, as soon as possible please?”

“Okay, I’ll be right back, do you want me to ask the Officer outside to come in?”

“God no!” Lucy says quickly “No, and he can’t, please, you can't tell him.”

“I’m not saying anything, I promise, you sit tight.”

While the Doctor was out the room Lucy desperately tried to recall if she had her periods at all since Noah left her, any spotting, anything at all, but she had been stuck in survival mode. Taking deep breaths, she dug deep in her brain, would it hurt her or help her heal if she was pregnant…how destroyed would she be now if it turned out she wasn’t, that it was just stress causing the delayed period. If she was pregnant, how would she manage that, she needed to make P2, she didn’t have enough money for herself, would she have enough for a baby?

Waiting for the test results was the longest five minutes of her life, every thought on repeat in her brain, every vision of the past and the potential future, playing out…how did they all fit into five minutes, how did…

“Okay Officer Chen, it does look like you are pregnant.” The Doctor says, “We’ll wait for the blood tests obviously, but these tests are rather reliable as is.”

“Oh god.” Lucy’s legs buckle beneath her “Oh god…”

“Do you need me to call anyone?”

“There is no one to call, I don’t have anyone! He left me…and he left me with…oh god.”

“A friend? Or the Officer outside?”

“I’m done…I’m all done, this is it, he’s never going to…” Lucy sighs, because she knows now for sure Tim would wash her from the program, it was one thing to be emotional due to losing her husband, but to be extra emotional because she was pregnant, and therefore a huge liability, she was losing her last dream, and she just couldn’t, standing up quickly she ran out of the room, out of the hospital, even with Tim calling behind her, because she was out anyway, what was disobeying one more order, because right now, there was only one place she needed to be, she needed to be with Noah.

“I don’t think I’m just getting washed out now NoNo.” Lucy says fifteen minutes later sitting at his gravestone “I think I’m getting arrested, I stole the shop, but…but NoNo, why? Why did you leave me like this? Why did you leave me a kitten, when you were not here to help me raise it?” 

Chapter Text

“Lucy!?” Tim rushes to her a while later, after eventually figuring out where she had gone “What happened? What’s wrong?”

“I’m really sorry Sir, if you could just…I just need five more minutes with him and then you can take me in okay, I won’t fight it.”

“Why am I taking you in Lucy?” Tim frowns "What happened?"

“Because I stole the shop and I disobeyed your order.”

“I didn’t give you an order, other than needing to get checked out, which you did.”

“Fine, then I stole the shop…”

“You drove it, I assume because you had a lead on something…”

“Something…”

“Was something said that triggered this Lucy?” Tim sits on the ground next to her “Are you okay?”

“No…maybe…no.” Lucy cries softly “I don’t know what to do Tim, I’m…oh god…”

“Are you sick? Did the Doctor find something wrong?”

“I’m…sorry, um, I’m pregnant.”

“Oh crap.”

“Yeah…but it’s…”

“Noahs' I assume.”

“Who the fuck else’s would it be!?” Lucy snaps “Sorry, sorry, I’m, I’m in shock and I don’t know how to process, and I’m terrified.”

“But you’re going to keep the baby.” Tim asks, even though he already knows the answer.

“Of that there is no question, not even a glimmer of it being a question, I just don’t know how to…” She says looking at the ground “I’m barely keeping myself alive right now, how do I look after a baby?”

“I know you feel alone right now Lucy, and it’s making it easier for you to push people away, but you have a family, you have people who love you.”

“I can’t just rely on that though, because it will come to an end one day.”

“No, see that’s the thing, it won’t Lucy, LAPD is a family for life, and I’m willing to bet that the 118 is as well, and you have both, and your baby will have both.”

“This wasn’t the plan.”

“Things in life rarely are.” Tim says gently “Tell me about him, Lucy, how did you meet?”

“It was so stupid, well embarrassing is more like it.”

“Okay?” Tim prompts her to go on.

“I was at a fondue night with girlfriends, and well there was a little too much tequila, and a little too little fondue.”

“Right?”

“And I managed to set my pants on fire.”

“Oh god.” His eyes widen, and shift slightly to her legs. 

“I know!” Lucy gives a small smile “But I’m not a complete idiot, so I yanked my pants off and chucked them into a corner…which unfortunately had, well the napkins that we had used to wipe up some spilled paraffin and well…”

“Chen did you burn a building down? Because I’m sure that should have been on your records.”

“No…we figured it out somehow before the fire-fighters got there, but still they arrived, Noah arrived…and well I was there...”

“With no pants on…”

“Worse than that, just a cropped tank top and a thong…”

“I can imagine that caused some comments.” Tim said, and he was sure not just comments.

“Not from him though…” Lucy says softly with a small tear rolling down her face “He said nothing, just came and wrapped a blanket around me instantly, covering me up from the smirks of some of the others, and gross comments being made by some of the staff.”

“A good man.”

“The best, then he yelled at the people making the comments, made sure I got back to my flat and well when my ego had recovered, I baked cookies and took them to his station, and well…”

“The rest was history?”

“He called me Hotpants you know, he didn’t know my name at first, but it was sweet, and it stuck, and I asked him out, god knows where I got the confidence, but I did, and he said yes, and then six months later we were married.”

“Oh wow.”

“Love at first sight, soulmates, the fire in my heart, that was him, and I was his.”

“I’m so sorry Lucy.”

“I should have known, our love, our lives together, well it burned too quickly, too brightly and now it’s gone, and it’s taken my heart with it, I have nothing left Tim, nothing but ash and a bitter taste.”

“You have a piece of him left Lucy.” He says softly “What would Noah have thought about the baby.”

“God he would have been so damn happy, we spoke about children, fuck, we spoke about grandchildren on our first date you know, but it just wasn’t the right time, a year after I made P2, that was the deal, that’s when…” Lucy rests her head against the stone again “That’s when she was supposed to be here, and him with us, not like this, never like this.”

“I know that I’ve done very little to earn your trust, Lucy.”

“No, you’ve been fine for the most part, and more than I deserved really.”

“You deserve respect and kindness, and you really deserve to be the second-best police officer in the country.”

“Second best?” She raises her eyebrows slightly

“Well, I can’t have you surpass me just yet Boot.” Tim smiles “And who knows, maybe the baby takes after you, and they become the best officer in the country.”

“She’ll be a firefighter, like her daddy.” Lucy says with a very small smile “Do you know he had a birth mark.”

“Do I want to know?”

“Mind out of the gutter sir.” Lucy gives the softest laugh “It was just behind his ear, it looked like a flame, like he was fated to be a firefighter you know, I always said that I’d hope our children would get it as well, his mother had it, it was genetic, I can never remember what they called that, but I loved it so much, do you think she’ll get it from him?”

“I’m sure that they will Lucy, and you could also get a tattoo of one you know, keep that part of him with you always.”

“Not while pregnant.”

“No, no I guess not, but after when they’re older, if that was something you wanted to do.”

“It’s a sweet idea.”

“What do you need Lucy? What can I do for you right now?”

“Can I cry?” Lucy looks up at him “Without judgement?”

“Yeah, come here?” Tim opens his arms for her and holds her tightly while she sobbed until she just couldn’t anymore, but he kept his hold on her "I would give my entire soul Lucy, just for you to have one more day of happiness with him"

“I still don’t understand why.”

“You never will, because it’s not fair, and no sense of it will ever be made, but now you know he’s not gone, and when that little one is born, you’ll see Noah again, maybe it’ll be a look, or a gesture, or the way they spread butter on their bread, or pour milk, but when you see it you’ll know, and you’ll see that’s Noah, and he is never leaving you.”

“Thank you Tim.” Lucy says quietly “For everything.”

“You’ll never need to thank me for being your friend Lucy.”

“Would you…I mean could you…um…”

“Do you want to go into your room?”

“Yeah, I think I’m ready now.”

“I’ll take you home, we can do it together.” Tim stands up and holds his hand out for her “And if you change your mind that’s also okay, my offer stands, and I will be here for you, whatever you need, whenever you need it.”

Chapter Text

“Do you want me to come inside with you Lucy?” Tim asks as they pull up to her home “Otherwise I can wait out here.”

“Do you mind coming in?”

“No, I meant what I said, I’m here in whatever capacity you need.”

“Thank you.” Lucy takes a deep breath “I think I can do this now.”

“Lucy, do you want me to call West? So he can be with you for this?” Tim offers, worried that maybe this would be all too much for her.

“No, it’s okay, but thank you for asking, I think having him with me right now might make it just a little worse, he’s too close to it, too close to us.”

“Okay, well I can wait outside, or hold your hand, or even open the door if you need me to.”

“Thank you, for being here, I know this isn’t anywhere close to being part of training me.”

“But it is part of being your friend, and I’d very much like to be that for you.”

Lucy gives him a small smile and nods softly before opening up her front door and taking in a deep breath. Looking at the small office where she had been sleeping, realising that now she would have no choice but to sort out those boxes, she’d need to make it into a nursery.

“I’ll need to paint some trees.” She whispers "Lots of trees" 

“What?” Tim frowns at her unexpected statement.

“Trees, in the nursery.” Lucy keeps staring in the room “With kittens in them, maybe some ladders...”

“Okay?”

“Sorry, I’m just…never mind, I’m avoiding, I need to do this.”

“Take your time, there is absolutely no rush okay.” Tim says gently “I’ve called us out for the rest of the day, you were injured on duty, so this won’t affect anything with your year okay.”

“I’m scared.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“I think that maybe I’ve waited too long, and it’s not going to smell like him anymore.” Lucy says softly “I don’t know which terrifies me more, the smell being there or it being gone.”

“I’m sure it’s equal parts, do you have any of his shower products left?”

“I have everything…I can’t, I couldn’t…”

“Maybe one day, you can use those, if you needed to smell him again, I mean it wouldn’t be the same, but it would be something.”

“Yeah…” Lucy nods and then steps forward to their room, slowly opening the door, a sob escaping as she saw their bed, still unmade after their playful morning on that day, slowly making her way to his side of the bed, the book he had been reading still there, a photo of them on their wedding day being used as a bookmark.

Then his clothing, the shirt she loved to wear, and he loved to take off of her. She gathered it up, holding it to her face, breathing in the smell desperately, sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to hold back her tears and failing.

Tim didn’t know which was worse, guttural sobbing like she had done at the grave, or this silent desperately broken crying. Not wanting to startle her he gently made his way towards her and was about to sit down, when she yelled out for him to stop.

“NO!” Lucy’s eyes snapped up to his “No, no you can’t sit on our bed, this was ours, only ours.”

“Okay, I won’t, don’t worry.” Tim nods “May I sit on the floor?”

Lucy nods her agreement as Tim sits down, not saying anything, just being there for her, waiting until she needed anything.

“We had this standing joke.” Lucy eventually say “About kittens, I’d tease him that he spent his day rescuing kittens stuck up trees.”

“Well you are a police officer, it’s law that you make fun of fire-fighters.” Tim nods approvingly

“I know, and he’d tease me about eating donuts and writing parking tickets all day.”

“Well…seems a bit harsh, but okay.” Tim gently places his hand on her knee.

“Eventually it was our deal that if he ever got hurt on duty, he needed to bring me home a kitten and that would make it worth it, you know, a kitten for some broken bones...”

“Oh Lucy…” Tim closes his eyes, remembering the moment she snapped at him, his words about rescuing kittens. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“And now he’s given me one, well left me one…” She cries a little more “But we were supposed to raise the kitten together, and it wasn’t supposed to be with his death.”

“And that’s why you want to paint the trees?”

“Yeah…”

“There are some beautiful bookcases that can be made to look like trees, if ever you wanted, I could help you build something like that for their room?”

“Really?”

“I mean I’m not a master DIY home improvement man or anything, but I’m sure that I can figure out some shelving, for you, for your baby.”

“Thank you, I’ll let you know if…well, let’s see.”

“Can I offer some advice Lucy?”

“I think you’ve earned that much, so sure.”

“Tell Lopez, she’s had a baby fairly recently, she’d be a great help if you let her, and she won’t judge, or spread gossip, I promise you that.”

“Maybe…I need to, well I need to get it confirmed first, and then, I need to tell her family, I’ll need to tell the 118.”

“Yeah, of course.” Tim says softly “Well let me know what you need…”

“Thank you!” Lucy throws herself into his arms uncharacteristically “Thank you so much Sir, I take back every mean thing I ever said about you.”

“You said mean things about me?” Tim smiles softly, wrapping her in his arms “I’m shocked, shocked I say.”

“Sorry…” Lucy sits back “You are a good man, and well I’m thankful for you.”

“And I’m thankful for you Lucy, you’ve shown me that people can be good, even in the darkest of times, I think I needed to see that, learn that again.” Tim says honestly “And I know your hurt is nowhere near gone, nor will it ever fully be, but you care despite of that hurt, and that alone is going to make you the most amazing mother.”

“I want to be that, I do, I owe Noah that much, I owe our kitten that much.”

“Then you will be exactly that, a mother anyone would be proud of.”

“Yes!” Lucy says firmly, the first real smile and determination on her face since Noah died “Yes, that I will be.”

“Luce!” Jackson wraps her up in his arms that night when she arrives at his parents home “Are you okay? Lopez said you were marked personal at Shaw?”

“Um, got into a little tumble, but nothing serious, well nothing…nothing bad.” Lucy smiles softly “Marshal and Amy here yet?”

“They are yes…He was surprised that you wanted him here, it’s been, well a while since you reach out to any of them.”

“I just needed my family tonight.” Lucy says firmly. “More specifically, I need Noahs and my family”

“Well, you’ll always have us Lucy.” Percy comes to greet her and opens up his arms “Come here my girl”

“Hi Percy.” Lucy allows herself to melt into his fatherly hold “Thank you for hosting tonight.”

“We’re always so happy to have all our children around Lucy.” Emily says gently “Now come on in out of the cold.”

“It’s not cold Mrs West.” Lucy smiles and goes to hug her “But thank you.”

“Anytime child.” Emily hugs her tightly “It’s really good to see you again, I’ve missed you.”

"I've missed you too Mrs West." Lucy tightens her hold "So much."

“So how have you been Lucy?” Marshal asks when they are all sitting down for dinner “Like really been?”

“Really?” Lucy pokes at her food “Broken…lost…confused?”

“But strong, Lu, so damn strong.” Jackson squeezes her hand

“Sometimes, but today, well I got some big news…”

“If Bradford even thinks of trying to wash you out my child, I will end his career!” Percy snaps

“No, not at all, he’s been, well he’s been amazing, really amazing.” Lucy assures him quickly “Um, well there is no easy way to say this, but today I found out that we…well Noah and I…I mean I…”

“You’re pregnant” Amy says softly looking at Lucy “You’re pregnant right?”

“Yeah, I am.” Lucy smiles “Noah left me a parting gift, the 118 is getting their newest member, and well, so is the LAPD”

Chapter Text

“Oh Lucy!” Emily stands up quickly and rushes to her side “Oh my girl! I’m so sorry, but I’m also so happy!”

“Oh, I know that feeling Mrs West.” Lucy laughs into her hold. “I know it too well”

“You’ve never done it before, but now I insist! I’m Momma West or Emily, not Mrs West, not anymore.”

“Okay Momma West.” Lucy breaks slightly “I’m going to need you now so much, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to do this, all I know is that I love this baby, and I need to keep her safe.”

“And that is all you need to know little one, that is all you will ever need to know.” Percy says softly, Jackson still sitting a bit stunned.

“I’m not so sure now.” Lucy says “Because I’m really really scared.”

“Of course you are, god, of course you are Lucy.” Jackson snaps out of his shock “Marshal was terrified when Amy fell pregnant, and you’re…well this is so much bigger.”

“Wow, thanks baby brother…” Marshal says as Amy bites her lip with laughter “But he’s right, I really was, and so was Amy, and I know that we will never be able to fill the void that Noah left, nothing in the universe would, but we will all be there for you, every single step of the way, no matter what you need or want.”

“You know I love you all, so much, and I’m sorry that I’ve been pushing you away, I just don’t, I mean I didn’t know how, Noah is my life…” Lucy tries to explain “And he was the only person that I thought could ever love me unconditionally, but it’s been pointed out to me lately that when you’re LAPD or LAFD, then you are family for life…”

“Whoever said that is a smart person, because that is what you are child.” Percy says fondly “And Lucy…listen to me now my girl, even if you were not LAPD or Noah wasn’t LAFD, you are, you remain, and you will always be, our family.”

“I love you too Papa West.” Lucy smiles, her eyes begging him to say that yes, yes he would be a grandfather figure to her baby, to their baby.

“I like that, I love that.” Percy says “So now, let’s celebrate the impending arrival of the newest joined family member, a perfect mix of their parents, a hero in the making.”

“To Noah!” Jackson stands raising his glass “A man whose legacy will live on, will never be forgotten, a man who loved, supported and gave, without reservation.”

“To Lucy.” Marshal raises his glass “A woman who will fight until the very end for justice, to prevent pain and hurt in others.”

“And to their child” Amy says gently “Whoever they become, because that baby is blessed, with the best parents in the world, with love, with family and with hope.”

“To hope, and to family.” Emily says “To our beautiful and growing family.”

“To family!”

“Oh god, I think I’m going to vomit.” Lucy says panting heavily before her first Doctors appointment, her first scan.

“Okay, I have a vomit bag, ginger lollies…um a pressure point bangle that’s supposed to ease off morning sickness.” Jackson rummages around in his bag.

“J, she doesn’t mean it like that.” Emily says softly stilling Jacksons hands “She means she’s scared.”

“Lucy?” Jackson looks at her “Is that right?”

“Yes, sorry…”

“No, don’t be sorry, please don’t be, I want to be here with you, to the best Uncle in the world, I suppose I’m a little worried as well.”

“Well this isn’t about you right now dear.” Emily says “this is only about Lucy and that baby.”

“No it’s okay Mama West, it’s okay that we’re all a little anxious…and sad.” Lucy sighs, her night had been haunted with dreams of what today should have been, of her and Noah together, placing bets on whether the baby would be a firefighter or a police officer.

Then nightmares of seeing him die, of their child being the child he saved that day, but at the expense of his own life. Images that wouldn’t leave her brain, that were there ever second she closed her eyes. Good, bad, beautiful, terrifying, evil, serenity…too many thoughts, too many images, all leading up to this, honestly, she was about to rush out, leave, unable to do it, when a calm voice called out.

“Lucy Foster-Chen?”

And then she remembered Tim’s words of all things, that Noah was still with her, that a real live piece of him was literally within her, and she realised that’s where her biggest fear now was, because she knew now, more than anything, that she wanted this, she needed his baby, their, baby to be safe, to really be there, and now, she needed to go and see them.

“That’s me.” Lucy stands up quickly, Emily and Jackson on either side of her.

Lucy was proud of herself for getting through all her details, everything really, without crying to much, well without breaking down entirely. The midwife being exceptionally understanding, calm, everything you wanted, needed in someone who was hopefully going to be the person who delivered your child, who looked after you both over the months.

“In your case specifically Lucy.” Jo says softly “I would also suggest a doula, I will look after you medically, both you and your baby, but a doula will help look after you emotionally as well.”

“Oh?” Lucy frowns “And I can’t just have a friend with me?”

“You can, of course you can, you can have your entire department with you in the delivery room if that’s what makes you feel safe, but a doula does more than that, she would be trained in natural pain relief, and she would have some medical qualifications as well”

“Okay, well, I’ll think about it, but for now, if it’s okay?”

“You want to see your baby?”

“I really do, please?” Lucy tears up a little bit again “Please?”

“Okay Lucy, take a breath for me, you’re far along enough now to do an internal exam, but this might sting just a little.”

“No, it’s okay.” Lucy nods, Jackson holding her one hand, Emily the other.

“Oh wow.” Lucy sighs seeing their baby come up on the screen “Oh wow…I wasn’t expecting her to look so…”

“Big” Jackson says “Aren't they supposed to be like little jelly beans?”

“Yes, normally for a first scan, but Lucy is 13 weeks along now, this is a very healthy baby right here.”

“Can you see, I mean can you tell the gender yet?” Lucy asks

“I can try, but it wouldn’t be definitive, unless we do blood tests as well.”

“No, that’s fine, I’ll find out at the next scan then.” Lucy smiles "But they look okay right?"

"They look perfect" Jo says "I'll walk you through the measurements, and print out some pictures for you."

"And then we'll show the rest of the family at the station dinner tonight Luce" Emily lifts her hand up to give it a kiss "I'm becoming a grandma all over again."

"Yes you are Momma West, and they are very lucky to have you and Percy as grandparents."

"I'll have a word with Wade as well, him and Luna can be grandparents on the other team."

"Momma West no, you won't, he's my boss!" Lucy smiles at her

"Hush now child, pay attention to your baby, your beautiful and perfect little angel." Emily tears up a little "Noah's parting gift to this world." 

Tugging her hands free gently, Lucy moves them to cover her belly once Jo had finished the exam.

“Hi baby” She says softly “Everything is going to be okay now, because your momma is a sunshine girl and she’s beautiful and smart and badass most of all she is loving…and your daddy, your daddy is a hero, in every sense of the word, he is magic and life and love, and he will never take his eyes off you, and he will never stop loving you, your daddy is Noah Foster-Chen, and he is a legend, and you are his legacy, you are our legacy and you were made with love, and light and joy, you were made in happiness and laughter, and you my little kitten, will bring that all into the world ten-fold.”

Chapter Text

“Tim?” Lucy frowns answering her phone later “Is everything okay? Am I needed back on shift?”

“Um, no, not at all…sorry, I shouldn’t have called.”

“Tim what’s wrong?”

“I just, um, how did your appointment go? That was today, right?”

“Oh?” Lucy smiles looking at the ultrasound again “Yeah, that was today, and the baby is just…god…they’re perfect Tim, just perfect.”

“Any sign of the birthmark?”

“Um, they can’t actually check that in the scan, but I’m hopeful, thank you for checking up on me though, I’ll bring the scan to show you on Monday.”

“I’d like that, thank you.” Tim says “You call me if you need anything at all, understand me?”

“Is that an order Sir?”

“Damn right it is Boot.”

“Understood, and thank you, hope you have a good weekend Tim.”

Tim sat staring at his phone for a while, then sadly looking around his house, empty, lonely, honestly void of life in general. He had tried the plant thing, but he clearly didn’t have a green thumb, so he had a few air plants, but they required nothing really, and well, now he just kept on staring at his phone.

“Tim?” Angela answers his call quickly “What’s wrong!?”

“Why does everyone assume something is wrong when I phone them?”

“Because you don’t phone.” Angela says and Tim can hear crying in the background. "You text" 

“Sorry, this a bad time?”

“Bradford, I have two children under the age of three, it’s always a bad time, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just thought maybe I could come around? I could even watch the kids if you wanted a break or something.”

“Any other day I would be begging you to do that, but we’ve got this damn event thing with Patrice, and well…maybe another time?”

“Yeah, sure, you let me know.” Tim says

“Tim, seriously now, are you okay?”

“I think Ang…" he starts and there is a guttural scream in the background “It’s okay, you go, call me if you need anything.”

And she was gone before he could finish his sentence so lazily he flipped through the channels on his TV to see if there was anything worth watching, but even that just seemed bland, like wash, rinse, repeat…he wanted company, well he wanted Lucy, but that was never going to happen, and well he certainly wasn’t anywhere near the looking for a girlfriend, or even a hook up, stage.

And then an ad came on for a local animal shelter, and well…maybe this was a sign, for him to go and get a dog, he could have company, take them for walks, hikes, it would add something more to his life than work and dreaming of women he could never be with.

Quickly he took down the details and checked the opening times for the next day and fell asleep thinking of potential names for his new dog, ignoring the slight wave of sadness that floated over him with the knowledge that it was unlikely he would ever be thinking of names for a child of his.

“Hi!” A young and chirpy volunteer greeted Tim the next day at the shelter. “Do you have an appointment, or a new family member to collect?”

“Um…no?” Tim frowns “I’m sorry, I’ve never done this before, was I supposed to book an appointment?”

“Not at all, some people do make them to visit some of the pets on our website, but if you’re here to look, maybe adopt…well then, can I ask you to complete this form first?” She hands him a clipboard “and before you can adopt, we do need some ID.”

“Yeah sure.” Tim nods taking the clipboard “Um, here’s my ID, if you need to run a background check or anything.”

“We’re really not that thorough unfortunately, it’s more to get basic details, make sure that you are not on our no-no list.”

“Oh okay, well I’m a police officer, so I shouldn’t be on that list, I can put our K-9 department down as a reference if you want?”

“You’re very sweet Sir.” She smiles “I think any animal you chose today will be in the best hands, any idea of who you are looking for?”

“Um, I thought a dog, middle aged? But still fit enough for walks and such?” Tim says while completing the form.

“Okay, well we certainly have a fair few of those.”

“Sorry, I’m Tim, you are?”

“Tia, thank you for asking Tim, you’d be surprised how many people don’t.”

“Do you have any suggestions, Tia? I’m sure you know all the animals here?”

“I do yes but finish your form and I’ll take you for a walk.”

“Right, Right.” Tim sit’s completing the form, and then is startled when a small cat jumps up onto his lap. “Um?”

“Tamara!” Tia laughs and goes to take the cat “How did you get out again?”

“Sorry about her, she just wants company is all.”

“Why doesn’t she have company?” Tim frowns

“People adopt the kittens, or the oldies you know, Tam is a teenager, she get’s overlooked I guess. I mean I’d take her home, but I’m not allowed pets, it’s why I volunteer here.”

“So… no one wants her?”

“One day they will, I hope, because she really is the sweetest, she just wants cuddles, and well maybe some acceptance, maybe some peace.”

“I’ll take her.” Tim finds himself saying unexpectedly

“What?” Tia looks at him “But you wanted a dog?”

“I just wanted to feel less alone actually.” Tim admits, and honestly, he cannot believe that he is telling this stranger anything personal, but maybe that’s why he was, he’ll never see her again, he could be honest “I wanted another life in my house.”

“Best reason to get a pet, because your house, with a pet, it becomes a home.”

“I like that…” Tim gives the cat some scratches behind her ear and smiles as she bats his hand when he stopped, trying to pull him back to scratching her again. “What do I need to do to take her home today?”

“I’ll get some extra forms, and some information on cats for you.”

“Thank you.” Tim says gently picking up the cat, smiling when she snuggled into the side of his neck “Hi Tamara, I guess it’s me and you now little one.”

Tim may have gone slightly overboard in his purchases for Tam, but he wanted her to know that his home was hers now as well.

“I have a feeling that you’ll be sleeping on my bed…but I’ve still got you a few cat beds for around the place if you want.” Tim shows her around, but she seemed perfectly comfortable in his arms. “Come on, we’ll watch the game together, and I need to get some photos of you, I just know that Lucy would adore you.”

“So…” Lucy says shyly when they are on shift “I have those photos to show you, and um, would you mind seeing when Anderson and Grey are able to have a meeting with me? Once I’ve told them, I think…well I think telling Officer Lopez would be good.”

“Good! Oh Good Lucy, I think that’s great, and of course I will.”

“So do you actually want to see the photos of baby?”

“I do, and I also have some to show you.”

“Oh” Lucy frowns “You’re pregnant? I mean, sorry, not you…but…um…your?”

“NO!” Tim laughs “No, I adopted a cat this weekend, I thought you’d like to see the photos.”

“Yes! Oh yes of course I would, that’s so cute! Show me!” Lucy gushes “Shit, sorry, um…so I might love animals a little.”

“Good quality to have.” Tim smiles “Okay, you show me yours and I’ll show you mine.” and then he realises what that sounded like “Photos, the photos! I mean!”

“Here, look!” Lucy quickly shows him the ultrasounds “See, she’s got her daddies legs.”

“He was tall?” Tim asks looking at the pictures with some awe.

“About the same height as you I think, but yeah…she’s going to be tall, I’m sure.”

“And they confirmed the gender?”

“No…but I have a gut feel you know.”

“Mothers instinct, I’m sure you’re right Lucy.” Tim hands back the pictures.

“Now…show me your new fur baby!”

“Her name is Tamara, she’s 9 months old, and loves cuddles!” Tim shows Lucy the photos on his phone “I’m thinking I need to order one of those cat papooses you know…because she doesn't want me to put her down.”

“Officer Bradford…you’re going to do baby wearing??” Lucy tries to hide her smile "For a cat?" 

“She was abandoned; she just wants love is all.” Tim says softly “It’s my job to give her that now.”

“That’s…god Tim, that’s really beautiful, she’s lucky to have you…” Lucy hands his phone back to him “Look at you with those firefighter qualities.”

“I can still blue page you boot!” Tim says taking the phone.

“Yeah, but you won’t, because you’re just a giant softy.”

“Tell anyone else that…”

“And you will wash me from the program, understood Sir.” Lucy smiles “Let me know about visiting hours, I’d love to meet her.”

“She’d love to meet you as well, I’m very sure about that.” Tim says “You are welcome to visit her whenever you want, if it helps you find comfort.”

“Look at us.” Lucy says softly “Each with our own healing kittens.”

“And turning houses into homes.” Tim adds.

“I like that.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Chapter Text

“Lucy!” Bobby answers his phone that evening “Are you okay?”

“Hi Bobby, I’m okay, I promise.”

“It’s so good to hear your voice, we’ve all been missing you.”

“Well, I was sort of hoping I could pop around for station dinner sometime this week?”

“Come tomorrow, I’ll let the team know, Athena would adore to see you again as well, we’ll make it a family gathering.”

“Thank you, Bobby, really, I’ll bring some cookies.”

“No need, just yourself will be more than sweet enough.” He says, and Lucy can hear his smile over the phone "I'm glad you reached out."

"Me too, I'll see you tomorrow."

Lucy stares at the ultrasound for a moment again - resting on her fathers bedside table - and then types a message out to Tim. 

I’m telling the 118-tomorrow night, maybe I can tell Anderson and Grey tomorrow morning?

Oh, that’s great, do you need me to come with you? I mean for the 118, I will obviously come with you with the Captain and Grey.

Thank you, but no, I promise I’ll introduce you to them one day.

Oh, I know Sergeant Grant.

Of course you do…anyway, how is Tamara?

She’s perfect, she discovered my watch makes lights on the wall, and now it’s her new favourite toy.

You should get her a laser pointer, they love those!

It’s already in my shopping cart.

Good, give her a scritch from me, see you tomorrow, Tim

Will do, sleep well Lucy.

“Oh god, they won’t wash me out will they Tim?” Lucy asks the next morning before they are about to go and tell Anderson and Grey.

“No! I promise you, not only would I never let that happen, but they also wouldn’t, you’re going to finish up your next three months strong okay.”

“Thank you so much, for being my friend okay.”

“We’re family now remember Lucy, and our children will grow up together.”

“Might be a while before the kittens can play together.” Lucy gives his hand a very quick squeeze before knocking on the door.

“Officer Chen, Bradford?” Anderson greets them “What can we do for you both?”

“Well, nothing really Ma’am” Lucy says stepping forward “I just need to tell you…um…well I’m pregnant, almost four months now, I only found out a couple of weeks ago.”

“Oh Lucy.” Zoe stands up “Noah’s?”

“Yeah, his parting gift to me I guess.”

“Officer Chen, I’m so sorry.”

“Please don’t be Sir.” Lucy smiles at Grey “This baby is a miracle, she is not just a part of Noah, she’s a part of us both, she is a perfect legacy.”

“So you’re having a little girl then?”

“Oh, I don’t actually know, not officially, but yeah, I think so and Noah would have made the perfect girl dad, I can see him practicing how to do braids for hours you know.”

“I’m sorry that we never met him.” Zoe takes Lucy’s hands gently in hers “But Seargent Grant and Commander West have both spoken very highly of him, a good man by all accounts.”

“The very best.” Lucy agrees

“Is there anything you need?”

“Just to be able to complete my training, without anymore drama I suppose.”

“Well, it’s just three months left, so you’ll only need to go on maternity leave once you’re a P2, and you’ll have that accumulated, so you’ll have paid time off.”

“I know Ma’am, Percy, um, I mean Commander West went through everything I’m entitled to.”

“Good, well then, you let us know if anything changes, and congratulations Officer Chen, may she bring you much joy and happiness.”

“She already has, thank you.”

“Don’t be smug.” Lucy smiles softly when her and Tim leave the room, heading to the lockers.

“Wasn’t planning on.”

“Liar.”

“Well, I did tell you so, you’re family Boot, whether you like it or not.”

“I love it, really.”

“Do you want to tell Lopez?”

“Um, after I’ve told Bobby and the rest of them, they deserve to know first.”

“And you’re sure you don’t want me with you?”

“Thank you, really, but I’ll be fine, maybe this weekend we tell Officer Lopez, and then well I could come and meet Tamara?”

“She’d love that, Tamara that is, I’ll set it up with Lopez”

“I don’t think…” Lucy takes a deep breath “Tim…I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express how thankful I am for the support you’ve given me, you’re a good man.”

“Not sure I’ve ever heard that said about me before.”

“But I’m pretty sure that it’s been thought, maybe people are too scared of your gruff exterior to say it to your face.”

“And you’re not?”

“Nope, because I clocked you day one.”

“Day one? Really?”

“Fine maybe week two, but still, you Sir, are a good man.”

“Thank you Boot, now, rollcall in 10 minutes”

“Yes Sir!”

“Lucy!” Athena grabs her tightly when she arrives at the station that night “Oh child, why have you been staying away from us?”

“I’m so sorry Thena, I’ve just been drowning a little I guess.” Lucy hugs her back “But I’m starting to see the surface again.”

“You don’t stay away from me again you hear.”

“Understood Ma’am, thank you.”

“Now, come on in, Bobby has made your favourite, and Hen has cracked open some bottles of well, not the finest bubbles, but they’ll do.”

“God, I’ve missed Bobby's cooking.” Lucy laughs “I’ve been living off of, well the food that was left after the funeral…”

“No wonder you’re looking so gaunt, but let’s get some real fresh hot food into you, the family are all looking forward to holding you tight again.”

For the next while Lucy felt like she had come home, Noah’s family wrapping her up in their love and warmth, and while she did what she needed to at the time to survive, she really had missed them all so much.

“Okay, okay, now Lucy needs to eat, so let’s go sit down and we’ll dish up.” Bobby announces after a while. “Luce, you sit in Noah’s spot, we haven’t filled it, and we always keep it open in his honour.”

“Thank you, all of you.” Lucy sits down “God this looks amazing, and it smells even better!”

“Noah would always request this when it was his turn you know.”

“I know, so that he could avoid cooking, but still bring me my favourite.” Lucy smiles as Hen pushes a glass of champagne into her hand “Um, before we start, I’d like to tell you all something, I mean Marshall already knows, but I needed the rest of Noah’s family, our family to know as well…that well…Noah left me, well he left me with a kitten, our Kitten.”

“Lucy!” Buck stands up quickly “You’re pregnant?”

“I am, and I really want her to grow up to be just like her father, to be around her Aunties and Uncles and cousins, I want you all involved, I would love…to be in your family again.”

“You never stopped being part of our family Lucy, not for one damn second, and you never will.” Chim goes to hold her “Oh I’m so happy for you, for us all, and for NoNo.”

“I love you all, and I’m also going to need you so much, but I know now that it’s okay to rely on family, because you know that I would be there for you, if you ever needed me.”

“You have been there for us Lucy, so often, Noah called you his Sunshine Girl, but you were all of our lights at some point.”

“And now we have a new light, another light.” Bobby stands “To the 118’s newest member, may her light glow as brightly as her mothers, and her joy spread through the world like her fathers.”

“To Lucy and Noah! And the new Kitten of the 118”

“To the family of the 118.” Lucy says firmly “Each and every one of us.”

“To family.”

And then there was just one person Lucy needed to really tell, Tim had suggested her, and well, Lucy trusted him and his judgement, so a quick message or five and then she was there, with two training officers, on her day off...

“What are we doing here?” Angela looks at Tim and Lucy when they are at the food trucks that weekend “Honesty now, because I have a family to get back to, and I did not care for Bradfords little cryptic request.”

“Well, um Officer Lopez, Tim encouraged me to come and talk to you, for you know a female perspective, um a mother’s perspective.”

“Tim?” Angela raises her eyebrows. 

“Sorry…Officer Bradford…but we’re technically off duty, so it’s not that bad right?”

“Listen Boot, if you need to ride with a female officer, I get it, I can teach you things he never could, and I’m happy to, but I’m not the one you need to be talking to about this, the Captain is.”

“No, no that’s not it, although, well thank you, I would like to do some shifts with you, I mean Jackson can only sing your praises.”

“So then why are we here?”

“Um, so I found out a few weeks back that I’m pregnant.”

“Oh…not the best timing Boot.” Angela frowns a little.

“Lopez!” Tim snaps at her “That’s not fair!”

“No, it’s okay Tim”

“Oh god, you’re not…please fucking tell me that you two are not in a relationship!”

“NO!” Lucy says horrified “NO, not at all, we would never!”

“Okay then?”

“I got married about two years ago.”

“Oh? I didn’t know that?”

“Yeah, see um…Noah, he’s well…he’s a firefighter, and it just seemed best that well, we didn’t…”

“Yeah, I get it, I mean I’m married to a lawyer, but I’ve earned my stripes, as a rookie, well it was a good call to keep that secret.”

“Noah was…um…four months ago, when the whole haemorrhagic fever thing happened…um he was…” Lucy chokes back the words, Tim quickly reaching for her hand in support “Noah died, he um…he was on duty and there was a building…and children…and well he didn’t make it back home to me.”

“Oh god, oh Lucy I’m so fucking sorry!” Angela stands up quickly and wraps herself around Lucy “Oh my darling, I’m so fucking sorry.”

“But he left me with…he didn’t know, I didn’t know, I was planning on…oh god, I was going to kill her…”

“Shhh no, no you were not.” Angela says rubbing her back “Birth control is not killing anyone.”

“I forgot, with everything that happened, and well, a few weeks back I realised, and I went last weekend for an appointment and there she is…growing well by all accounts.”

“So, what can I do to help.” Angela asks sincerely “I mean I’m happy for you to do your last three months with me.”

“No that’s okay, Officer Bradford has been, well really amazing and understanding, he’s helped me so much.”

“That’s why you were late for those weeks…”

“Um yeah, I’m sorry Ma’am, I just needed a few moments, I was only given two weeks…I mean I’m thankful, I am, because I got to keep my job.”

“You shouldn’t need to be thankful for only being allowed two weeks to mourn your husband, Lucy.” Angela says sadly “I wish I had known, I understand why you didn’t tell anyone, but I wish I had known.”

“I don’t need pity, or handouts or anything like that, and I have the 118, I have a family, I guess…I want the LAPD to be part of that family, and I know Tim thinks of you as a sister, and well, I think of him as family.”

"Well you certainly have that right, we are, and I'm here to give you as much advice and love as I can, and if Bradford upsets you, just just tell me okay, I'll sort him out."

"Oh she's fully capable of standing up for herself Lopez, I just thought that Lucy might need another officers advice from time to time, and given that you've got Jack and Em, well you'd be the best one to help."

"I'd be happy to Lucy, more than happy, I'm glad you told me."

"Yeah, I'm glad I did as well." Lucy said, her heart feeling fractionally lighter. Her love for Noah and her grief over his death would never go, she doubted it would even fade much, but he would have been the first person to suggest she leaned on family, and well, this was his child as well, and she was going to do him proud. "Very glad.

Chapter Text

“Is it still okay for me to come and meet Tamara?” Lucy asks, “I’ve bought her a little toy, if that’s alright?”

“I’d love for you to meet her, I mean she sort of reminds me of you.”

“I remind you of a cat?”

“Cute, tenacious, loving, and somehow can always read the room, even though she’s the smallest thing in it.”

“I am not small!”

“Chen, you are tiny, at least in size, your personality however…”

“I’m going to be huge, very, very soon…”

“And yet you’re still going to be tiny, come on, want me to drive us?”

“Please?” Lucy asks, “The baby fire truck broke down again…I ubered here.”

“Maybe time to look at getting a new car.”

“Never happening.” Lucy says firmly “That was the first place that we…um…anyway, I’m not getting rid of her, ever, I might buy another car…one day, when I…I’m screwed aren’t I Tim, no matter which way I look at anything, I’ll never have enough money.”

“And people raise children on a lot less; we’ll figure it out okay.”

“I’ll figure it out, this isn’t on you, it’s not on anyone other than me.”

“Didn’t Noah have a…um?”

“Yeah, he’s got a car, god I haven’t even thought about that, I teased him because it was such a responsible car…I always insisted we drove anywhere in mine, because she’s so cute and playful, and his made us look like old people, it must…it must still be at the station, or one of them took it home.”

“And they never asked you about it?”

“They may have…god…I hope we still have it, I was just…I was on autopilot for so long.”

“Hey, it’s all good, come on, let’s get to my place, I’ll order some food while you play with Tam, and then you can phone Grant or Nash and see where the car is.”

“Yeah, yeah that’s good, even if they sold it, I could use that money…” Lucy sat trying to remember what she might have told them to do with the car. “Um, sorry, yes, let’s go, I’m really looking forward to meeting her.”

“Just be careful.” Tim says as they arrive at his place “She’ll be right at the door for her carpet lovies, and I don’t want her running out.”

“Carpet loves?”

“She likes being scratched on the floor mat okay, and she waits for me to get home, I think she hears my car pull up.”

“And she is a cat, right?” Lucy teases “You didn’t accidently adopt a dog in a cat costume?”

“Yes, she’s a cat!” Tim huffs, opening the door slowly. “And there’s my baby girl, hello angel.”

Lucy watches as Tim rains down love on the sweet little tabby cat, who by all accounts was adoring the attention she was getting, before he swooped her up into his arms, cradled upside down like an infant, Tamara calm and content.

“Luce, this is Tamara.”

“Oh gosh, aren’t you just the sweetest little thing.” Lucy gushes “May I hold her?”

“Ah, yeah of course.” Tim passes her over, slightly worried that maybe Tam would hurt Lucy, because he hadn’t really seen her around strangers, but no, she snuggled straight into lucy’s neck, while Lucy peppered her with soft kisses. “See she loves you as well.”

“She’s so snuggly, oh, I could just cuddle her all day!” Lucy rubs her face against her fur “She’s perfect Tim, I can see why you fell in love with her.”

“She’s my little terror alright, and she’s perfect.” Tim guides her inside “You go sit and get comfortable; I’ll order some food.”

Tim watched fondly, as Lucy went to sit on the sofa, whispering little words of affection to Tamara, she looked so well young, carefree, so much like the person he first met, before she lost Noah. He was truthful when he said he would give his soul for her to have one more day of happiness with Noah, because he would, because seeing that light in her eyes was more than worth his soul.

“I just ordered veggie burgers, extra pickles.”

“How?” Lucy frowns up at him.

“I’m a police officer, I pay attention.” Tim says, “It was always your go to…before.”

“Thank you, that’s really lovely and I appreciate the thought.”

“I mean I got myself beef loaded with bacon; I’m not a total saint.”

“Except that you are Tim.” Lucy smiles “Thank you, now, come tell me about this cutie!”

“Okay I will, but I want you to answer some questions in exchange.”

“About?”

“Nothing that will hurt, or make you cry, well, hopefully, I just want to know you better, that’s all. Not my rookie, but my friend, I want to know her better.”

“Am I allowed to ask you questions about you as well then?” Lucy asks “And not just about Tamara?”

“Sure Boot, you ask away, even though I suspect you know everything already.”

“Did you ever want children?” Lucy asks “Human ones I mean?”

“Oh…” Tim faulters, because he really wasn’t expecting that question, not as the first one.

“Sorry, that was…you don’t need to answer that.”

“No, it’s okay and yeah I did, I mean I still do, although I think that particular ship may have sailed…”

“What why? I mean you can have babies well into your late middle-age.”

“I might be able to, but firstly, I need a partner…”

“You could adopt”

“I could yes, I just…right now, Tam and work, and my friends, you and your kitten, you’re all my focus, it wouldn’t be fair to bring a child into that via adoption at least, because I would want to adopt an older child, and they would need so much more support and help, and well…” Tim blushes a bit at the way Lucy is looking at him “Maybe one day…not now though, not anytime soon.”

“What?” He says after a while of Lucy staring at him.

“Told you I clocked you on week two, you are a good man, one of the best I’ve met.” Lucy smiles. “And trust me, I’ve met some really great ones.”

“And you are without a doubt the best person I’ve ever met.” Tim retorts “And Tamara certainly agrees.”

“Well then, we’re agreed, our kittens are both in very good hands.”

“The very best.” Tim agrees “Now, I get to ask a question, right?”

“You do yes.”

“Why did you want to become a cop, I mean I’ve asked you it before, and I gave you my answer, but never listened to yours?”

“Oh? Um well…You know I dropped out of getting my PHD in Psychology, that’s on my record, I mean I had my master’s already...”

“It is yes.”

“I baked…I loved baking, making things, I love the smell of home cooking, I guess because I lost it when my parents died, but I really love baking.” Lucy says “But it’s not exactly something that brings in buckets of money you know, and well, I was just sort of working, making cupcakes, tiny little diner, but it was a home of sorts, or rather it was a place that you could just be, get your work done, go home, nothing followed you, nothing you did with a brioche bun would keep you awake at night.”

“Well yes, I’m sure that’s true.”

“Then one day Noah came home hurt, or more so I was called to the hospital, when he got hurt.” Lucy tells him “The thing is, that it could have been avoided, if just we had someone in each shop that had any form of mental health training, and well Noah half joked about me being one of those people, and I guess I signed up for that, I signed up to keep my husband safe…and I still have nightmares, because at the end of it all, I couldn’t”

“I know it will never make up for it, not in any world, but you kept me safe, and regardless of what I said in the past…I am thankful for you Lucy.”

“Well sort of my job to keep my partner safe, what’s using myself as a human shield between friends.” Lucy shrugs.

“I mean you helped save my soul Lucy, I had given up on seeing light in the world I think, and then yours entered mine, and even on your darkest days, you still shine that light, that is what I’m thankful for, for showing me that there is good in the universe.”

“You know I’m pregnant right, so if I start crying…just blame that okay.” Lucy tears up and squeezes his hand “But thank you for saying that, for seeing that in me.”

Chapter Text

“Okay, Bobby has the car.” Lucy says disconnecting the call as Tim is plating up their food. “That’s great, it’s practical, it’s smart, it’ll keep her safe and well…”

“It won’t break down on you?”

“I was going to say that she’s more fuel efficient as well, so that will save me some money, I’ll obviously keep the fire truck, but maybe to even give to her one day you know? Her first car and all that”

“Yeah, just make sure to keep it running, I can help if you need, although apparently Nash is a wiz with cars.”

“He is yeah…but she might need a new engine, but for now, that’s not an issue, I have Noah’s car, I’m getting it back…another piece of him…”

“Need me to come with you?”

“Please?” Lucy asks softly “I’m sorry, I just…and I swear if you tell anyone else this, I will deny it, but you’ve sort of become a safe space for me, you never knew Noah, so I don’t have to think about your…no, sorry, that’s mean…shit, I’m not saying this right.”

“You’re not trying to manage my grief while managing your own, I get it Lucy, I really do, and I’m more than happy to be your safe space.”

“You know he saw you once.” Lucy says softly while they are eating “Noah I mean, you never met him, but he saw you.”

“Okay?”

“That day, at the diner, when you came and stole some of my fries?”

“After I’d been shot yeah.”

“Hmm, we were on a lunchtime date, I mean take-out was a treat you know, so we’d share a plate of fries, and we’d take turns taking one…even though we both knew we’d order another if we had to, especially if it meant spending more time together, but it was sweet, it was fun.”

“So, who’s fries did I steal then, yours or his?”

“You know, he asked me the same thing when he came and sat back down.” Lucy smiles “I think you both would have liked each other, guardians the pair of you, always trying to make someone smile when you see that they’re hurting.”

“You’re a guardian as well, you know that right?” Tim says softly

“Hush, don’t be mean to me, we’re not on duty.”

“You’ve spent too much time with Grant…” Tim laughs “You know she was my TO right?”

“NO!?” Lucy almost chokes on her food “Oh my god! This is brilliant.”

“What why?”

“She loves me, like so much, and now I’m pregnant so she can’t say no to me, and well I can get all the juicy details from her about your rookie year…why the hell didn’t I know this earlier?”

“I suspect she wanted you to get through the year without needing to blackmail me…” Tim rolls his eyes “And you know I could just tell you the juicy details…”

“Nah, so much more fun if she gives them to me…more real, less Bradford.”

“Less Bradford?”

“Hmm, your tough guy persona and all.”

“You do know you’re still my rookie?”

“Yeah, and I’m also in your home, with your cat curled up on my lap, eating food you ordered, I think maybe, just possibly, I’m not like the other rookies you’ve had.”

“No…that you are not…any of them tried half the sass you did, and I would have washed them out.”

“Really?” Lucy frowns

“No, not really, don’t listen to the gossip – even from me – I have not had 12 rookies wash out – that would be a giant red flag against me as a TO firstly, and then for the academy, I have had rookies wash out, but then I’ve had some who have gone on to be great officers, but you, there was certainly something different about you, from day one.”

“Why do you perpetuate that image then? The one that tries to cause fear?” Lucy asks sincerely

“Oh, um, I guess it’s the best way I know how, scare off the bad, put the fear of Bradford into them so to speak.”

“And if someone needs a different approach?”

“I do try, I promise, and normally I would have done things differently with you, but um…”

“You were in your own grief cycle, still are in some way I’m sure, so don’t worry, I don’t take it personally.”

“A different person would have sold me out day two…there are so many rookies that would have used Isabel against me, to advance their own careers, did it ever even cross your mind?”

“Not for a second, no.” Lucy says honestly “I could see you were punishing yourself enough for what was happening, none of which, by the way, was your fault, even though you chose to shoulder it, why on earth would I ever have wanted to add to that pain? There is more than enough hurt in the world, our duty is to lift some of that, even if it’s for your more bark than bite TO.”

“That baby is a lucky one, having a mom as understanding and loving as you are Lucy, and the LAPD is doubly blessed to have your smarts and your bravery.”

“I like this you know.” Lucy says softly, while sneaking Tamara a small bite of bacon “Getting to know you, being friends, I mean if you had told me this would be my life nine months ago, I would have had you checked in for a psych evaluation, but…well thank you. I’d like to think even if Noah…even if he was still with us, I’d like to think, that we still would have been friends.”

“I know we would have, because who in the hell wouldn’t want to be friends with you.”

“Only idiots” Lucy laughs, she actually laughs Tim realises, her first real and hearty one in the longest time “And that Sir, you are not.”

“Lucy.” Angela approaches her gently when they are back at work “can we have a quick word?”

“Um, yes, of course Ma’am.” Lucy frowns slightly, she was sure they had been clear, she didn’t want to switch TO’s, hopefully Lopez wasn’t upset that Lucy was monopolizing so much of her friend’s time, even tonight Tim was going with her to fetch Noah’s car and have dinner with Athena and Bobby. “Is everything okay?”

“Nothings wrong, I just wanted to – and I won’t be offended if you say no – but I know how expensive babies, and even just pregnancy can be…anyway I still have my maternity uniform, and some of the clothing, if you wanted them?”

“Oh wow, yes, that would be amazing! I hadn’t even thought about that, I mean…” Lucy looks down “It doesn’t even look like she’s there yet.”

“Yeah, I was the same with Jack, I only really popped out around six months, sooner with Emmy though.” Angela tells her “And another thing, we have so much stuff for the children, like Wesley’s mother bought three of everything, I have no idea why, but still, if you wanted, we’ve got spare cribs, prams, things like that, and well clothing for both genders…”

“Really?” Lucy tears up slightly “You’d do that for me? I mean I can pay you for them, not what they’re worth I’m sure, but I can.”

“No, no payment needed, I’d be happy to see them get some more use to be honest, just raise that baby to be the next Supercop.”

“Sorry…she’s going to be a firefighter like her daddy.” Lucy smiles “Is that a deal breaker?”

“Just this one, I think I can make it work, I’ll, well when you’re ready, I can get the stuff brought around to you.”

“Thank you, Ma’am, thank you so much.”

“Call me Angela, please, and well if you have any questions or if you need anything, you ask okay.”

“Thank you, Angela, this…this helps so much, my heart feels, well lighter, so thank you.”

“You’ve been good for him, you know that right?” Angela tilts her head softly “I mean this isn’t why I’m doing this, you deserve to be supported by your family, but I guess I have my own thanks to give, for sticking by him, for helping him come out from under it all.”

“He’s a good man, he could have done that without me.”

“Yeah, he could have yes, I think you helped though, a lot.”

“He’s helped me too, in more ways than I’ll ever even know how to thank him for.” Lucy assures her “But for you…well I suspect I could thank you with baked goods, and well, I happen to be one of the best pastry chefs this side of the city…”

“Really?”

“No…but Noah used to say that, I do make a mean brownie though, if you’d like?”

“Never ever saying no to free food Lucy, not a single cop would.”

“Good, I’ll make up some for you and your family then, it’ll be good for me, it’ll be good for my home, to fill it again with some joy.”

“I cannot imagine what you’re going through, if I ever lost my Wes…well I can’t fathom I don’t want to even think about it, but you are remarkable Lucy, and strong, and I do hope that we’ll be friends.”

“I’d like that, very much.”

“Good! Now, let’s get to work, we’ve got people to protect.”

“That we do, thank you Ma’am, Angela, for everything.”

Chapter Text

"You promise she wanted me to come with you?" Tim asks Lucy as they are driving to Bobby and Athena's for dinner that night "And she's not pulling some sort of Grant Gambit on me." 

"Grant Gambit?" Lucy asks "What the hell is that?"

"Like a Tim Test, but worse, because she's scary Lucy."

"Oh she's not, she's delightful, and loving and being wrapped up in her arms is like being wrapped up in sunshine."

"And we're having dinner with Athena Grant?" Tim asks "Married to Robert Nash? Mom of two?"

"Oh god, you are so dramatic, have you been taking lessons from Tamara on how to be a drama queen? Do I need to get you a carpet to curl up on so I can scritch your belly?"

"Yeah, you have 100% spent time with Grant..." Tim sighs "Promise to protect me okay?"

"On my honour, for Tamara's sake." Lucy rolls her eyes and crosses her heart "I will keep you safe." 

"And you call me dramatic." Tim can't help but laugh at her theatrics "But thank you."

"Anytime Sir."

“Bobby, Thena” Lucy goes and hugs the two of them tightly when they open the door for them, Tim standing slightly awkwardly behind her. “Thank you so much for having us, and for keeping his car safe for me.”

“Anything for you Lucy” Athena squeezes her tightly “How are you? And that little one?”

“We’re good, I have another scan this week, she should be bigger now, hopefully I feel her move soon.”

“Oh, you will, if she’s got her daddies legs, well she’ll be kicking your bladder like mad soon enough.” Athena laughs and then looks to Tim.

“Boot, it’s good to see you again.”

“Ma’am” Tim nods “Sir, thank you for having me.”

“Good to meet you son.” Bobby shakes his hand “Lucy and Athena have both had only the best things to say.”

“Oh, stop being so formal.” Lucy bursts out laughing “Although, Thena, please, for me, call him boot a few more times.”

“It’s so damn good to see you smiling again my child.” Athena nods “And if calling him Boot does that, then I’ll have his name changed legally.”

“Gee, thanks.” Tim sighs and rolls his eyes slightly “But fine, if it makes Lucy smile…change my name for all eternity”

“Hmm.” Athena looks between the two “Well, come on in out of the cold, and we’ll get some food going.”

“So, Lucy, what are Bradford’s training methods like, because if he learned anything from Athena, I’d say he should be pretty good.” Bobby asks, even though they had often discussed him before Noah left them.

“Well, she was pretty terrifying, that much I remember.” Tim says, making Lucy laugh again.

“So, then you did learn that from someone.” She smiles “But no, he’s been good, I mean we had our hiccups – which you heard all about at the start, but he’s been mostly wonderful, more than really.”

“Yeah, I always knew you were a guardian Boot.” Athena winks at him “Definitely appreciate that in you now.”

“What’s it like being a Sergeant Ma’am?” Tim asks instead of trying to argue with her about it.

“It’s good, you should look at taking the test yourself you know.” She suggests “And you can call me Athena now, I think it’s been enough years.”  

The rest of the evening Tim was happy to see how much more light Lucy had in her eyes, especially when Bobby took her to get Noah’s car, he had been expecting her to have a moment like she did when she went back into their room for the first time, but, when she looked at where he kept her photo in the visor, she just ran her fingers softly along it, before adding one of the ultrasound images.

“She’ll be safe in here.” Lucy says softly “He left me a way to keep her safe, even if it is a little boring.”

“I’ll get the baby fire truck here Luce, keep her going, and see what we can do for when you need or want her back.”

“Thank you, Bobby, so much.”

“Boot, can we have a word” Athena calls Tim back while Lucy and Bobby were discussing cars, and different car seat options.

“Ma’am?”

“Now I appreciate all you’re doing for that girl, I do, it’s good to see her smile again.”

“Well, she deserves some kindness.”

“Hmm, she does yes, what she doesn’t need is a lovesick Training Officer…”

“Grant!” Tims eyes widen

“You were always an easy read, now you promise me right now that you’re still training her properly, and that you’re putting no expectations on her while she’s vulnerable.”

“I just want to be her friend Athena, that’s all.”

“You’re lying, but I can tell you’re trying not to, so, I’ll accept that you’re training her right, which you have better be, because she has so much potential.”

“She does yes.” Tim agrees

“So, you give me your word now Boot.”

“I would never, do anything ever, to hurt her, emotionally or otherwise, she’s a good woman, and she’s going to be an exceptional mother and officer.” Tim says firmly “And I will do everything in my power to ensure that happens.”

“Good” Athena nods “and sign up for the Sergeants exam would you Boot, it does no one any good to be stuck in the same role for too long.”

“Understood Ma’am.”

“It was good to see you again though; you’ve done me proud.”

“Thank you, I’ll keep doing that, I promise.”

“Good man, now follow her home yeah, make sure she gets inside safe.”

“I will, I promise.” Tim smiles at his once hardened TO softening for her, well their family.

You need anything today Luce?

No, I’m good thanks, Emily will meet me at the hospital, I’ll send you a photo afterwards

And I’ll send you a video of Tam chasing her tail this morning

Perfect exchange, we’ll chat later.

Chat later, good luck.

“Lucy my darling.” Emily hugs her tightly “How are you? Marshal said you saw Bobby this week? Got Noah’s car back?”

“Gosh word travels fast, firefighter gossip more than cops.” Lucy smiles kissing Emily’s cheek hello

“Oh shush, I talk to all my children about all my children. Jackson says you’re doing well at work as well.”

“Momma West…” Lucy sighs

“Don’t even think about gearing up to argue with me young lady, you’re part of my flock now and you’ll be looked after like one.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“Now, let’s go see this baby, I’m sure she’s grown.”

“Well, I think we’ll find out today if we have a little Lucy or a little Noah growing.”

“Regardless of their gender Lucy, that baby is you both, together.”

“I know, and I already have names for either one, as long as they are okay, I’m happy.”

“Good, now, I want to see my grandbaby.”

“Lucy.” Jo greets her warmly “It’s good to see you again, how have you been?”

“Good, um, really good.” Lucy smiles as Emily holds her hand “I’m rather excited to see them today though, you know, 20 weeks and all, it means I can start looking at…well, I’m excited to see them.”

“Okay, then let’s go and do that first, and we’ll chat about everything else afterwards.”

“Thank you!”

“Okay…and here we go.” Jo smiles “Here’s your baby, and look how they’ve grown.”

“Oh wow, oh god, look at her.” Lucy gasps “It doesn’t even seem like she fits anymore! Am I not making enough room for her?”

“Lucy…you’re doing great, they’ve grown yes, but they’re still tiny, your body is looking after them perfectly, and if you’ll let me get my measurements in to confirm that, then, I think with a little prodding, we can confirm the gender?”

“Please?” Lucy asks “I mean, it doesn’t really matter, not at all, but I have a name, and a nursery plan, and I just, I need…”

“You need something stable, after a chaotic few months.” Emily comments “And we understand that.”

“Yes…” Jo says “Of course we do, now give me a moment.”

“Okay?”

“Momma’s instinct was right.” Jo laughs “You’re having a little girl Lucy.”

“Oh…” Lucy start crying slightly “We’re having a daughter; we’re having a baby girl NoNo.”

“What’s her name Lucy?” Emily asks softly

“Katrina Noa Foster-Chen” Lucy says proudly “Our Kat, Noah’s kitten, and mine, our beautiful, much loved, much wanted baby girl.”

Chapter Text

“Are you ready for this Luce?” Jackson asks her gently “You don’t have to, we can find a place to store them all until you’re ready.”

“No, I need to do this, and our family or charities can make use of what I don’t want to keep.” Lucy looks at the room of boxes “Kat deserves a perfect room and I can give her this much.”

“You know she’ll most likely sleep in yours, right?” Hen says softly

“Oh, I know, until she’s a teen if I have anything to say about it.” Lucy rests her hand on the small bump that had appeared seemingly over-night “But even if this is just her playroom or her quiet space, she deserves it to be hers.”

“Okay then, well let’s get to work.” Bobby says firmly and for the next few hours, as a family, they went through all the boxes together. Helping Lucy find a place for those things she wanted to keep, some of them taking items for themselves, and another few boxes that would come in handy for those without.

“Knock knock!” Lucy looks up and sees Tim and Angela standing at the door “We come baring food, drinks and painting supplies.”

“Tim! Angela!” Lucy smiles “Um, welcome, try find a spot to get comfortable…I’m sorry but it’s really just floor room at the moment.”

“And that’s perfect” Angela smiles “I’m very used to sitting on the floor with the kids, and well Bradford can just deal.”

“I can yes.” Tim agrees, before handing over the pizza’s and bags with drinks, so that people could help themselves.

As the crew of people came and went, gentle and playful bantering between the police officers and firefighters as they starting painting Kat’s room. War stories being shared, parenting advice given, it was everything it should have been for Lucy, except for the fact that Noah wasn’t here with her.

Using the excuse of needing the bathroom, Lucy quickly snuck off to their room, grabbing one of his shirts, and using it to muffle her sobs.

“Luce, may I come in?” Lucy hears Tim’s voice on the other side of the door after a short while.

“Yeah, close the door behind you though.” Lucy answers softly.

“Dare I ask the stupid question?” Tim says walking inside and closing the door.

“Yeah, I mean I was okay, as okay as I can be…and then it hit me, he’s not here anymore.” Lucy says “He’s really gone Tim, and he’s never coming back, and he’s never going to hold his daughter, or changer a diaper, or take her to school, threaten her first boyfriend, or girlfriend…or get to walk her down the aisle.”

“I know.”

“He’s really gone, I’ve lost my husband Tim, and Kat’s never going to know her father.”

“May I sit next to you?” Tim asks, remembering her reaction the last time he tried.

“Sure.”

“Nothing is ever going to be the same as if he was here Lucy, nothing will ever feel quite right, and I can offer you platitudes, and tell you that you have a family and love and support, but you also know all of that, and none of it will ever fill your heart the way he once did.”

“No…”

“But perhaps, with time, we can fill it in a different way, and I know that baby girl will fill it the most.”

“I just still don’t know why.” Lucy rests her head on his shoulder “I keep trying to think if I did something wrong to deserve this?”

“And you also know that’s not how the world works.”

“The world is stupid.” Lucy huffs

“Agreed, but we can try make it a little less stupid.”

“Only you would decide to make the world less stupid.” Lucy gives a wet smile, picturing Tim with his TO glare and rigging a Tim Test for Earth herself.

“Hey, it’s why I became a TO, pass on those skills to the next generation.”

“Does everyone know I’m in here crying?”

“I think so yes.”

“And you drew the short straw.”

“More like I fought them all off, and well Grant had my back.”

“Really?” Lucy sits up and looks at him

“You’ve said it before, you try and manage their grief while managing your own, you don’t need to do that with me, and well we ride together, I think we’ve grown close.”

“We have yes” Lucy agrees

“And well I had this.” Tim holds out a small stuffed toy, a kitten in a firefighter outfit.

“Oh god.” Lucy basically yanks it out of his hands “Oh Tim, this is…oh god it’s the cutest thing ever.”

“Thought she deserved her own kitten.” Tim said “Best start practicing to be the world’s best firefighter”

“Thank you.” Lucy wraps her arms around him tightly “So damn much.”

“We’ll never be able to fill that void Lucy.” Tim rubs her back softly “But we’ll be there when you need us, we’ll help change diapers, the 118 can take her to school in a fire truck, Lopez and Grant can give threats to suitors, you can walk her down the aisle, and you will always have someone to turn to, and people who love you both, and with you as her mother, she will never not know her father, because his love is in you okay.”

“I miss him so much Tim.” Lucy says “Even the things that used to drive me insane I miss…I’d give anything to shout at him for not putting the cap back on the toothpaste, or to roll my eyes while I fold what seemed like a shocking amount of socks, to argue over who we thought should win MasterChef, why didn’t I spend more time enjoying those moments?”

“Because you didn’t enjoy them, but doesn’t mean you didn’t love them.”

“Can we sit here a little longer?”

“Sure.” Tim agrees “Whatever you need, your time, your pace, this is your home Lucy.”

“I do appreciate you, if I forget to tell you sometimes, please know that I appreciate you Tim.”

“I know, I feel the same about you.”

“Okay, show me a video of Tam, let me wipe my eyes, and I’ll be okay to go back.”

“You’ll need to come see her again, she’s growing so quickly.” Tim takes out his phone and pulls up a video of her attacking a carpet.

“She’s such a loon.” Lucy laughs and pulls the soft toy up to her face “I’ll come visit her again soon, I promise.”

Eventually leaving the room, Tim purposely avoiding both Athena’s and Angela’s looks, Lucy showing off the fire-fighting kitten to the joy and approval of the 118.

“It looks good.” Lucy nods, although the room wasn’t nearly done, it had its first layer of paint, and the sketches for the trees and fire-trucks done, with plans for the painting of them to be done the following week, and then for Tim and Bobby to set up the bookshelves to match.

“It really does my girl.” Emily hugs her “And it’ll be a good warm space for her.”

“We thought maybe, you’d want this photo?” Chim holds out a framed picture of Noah in his full ceremonial dress gear, from when he received his first award for bravery. “To watch over her and all the kittens.”

“Thank you, so much.” Lucy takes the photo, holding it tightly against her “This is perfect, I know he’s watching over us, and I know how thankful he would be to you all for looking after his family.”

“And watching it grow” Athena adds “Not just with that little one, but with some more brothers and sisters in blue.”

“To our beautiful, slightly crazy, growing but above all, a family full of love, full of memories, full of heroes and full of promises to the world, to make it, better.” Percy says

“And less stupid.” Tim gives Lucy a small wink.

“To more love and less stupidity.” Lucy says

“More love, less stupidity” The rest echo, although slightly confused, but just grateful to see her smiling.

Chapter Text

A week later Lucy was eternally thankful that Angela had dropped off her old maternity clothing for her, when she woke up to what was undeniably a solid baby bump.

“And just like your daddy…you came right out of nowhere.” Lucy runs her fingers along the roundness, almost trying to see if she could feel the baby “He would have been obsessed with you little one, I’m so sorry he’ll never hold you in his arms, but I promise that his love will hold you forever, just like it does me.”

“Officer Lopez” Lucy walks up to her in the locker room “um, may I have a quick word?”

“Always, what’s wrong?”

“I just wanted to say thank you again, so much for your generosity, um, it came in very handy…” Lucy’s eyes shift softly to her stomach.

“Oh, would you look at that.” Angela smiles and then tugs her to a more private area “How are you feeling?”

“Happy? Sad? Nervous?”

“Yes, yes, all normal, and I’m sure very much more for you right now.” Angela squeezes her hand “Do you need anything?”

“Oh no, you’ve all been so generous, so much…no, I’m fine thank you, I just wanted to let you know, and I’ll bring you some more brownies soon I promise.”

“You really don’t need to, I mean I’m not saying I’ll turn them down, because I think your Noah was certainly onto something when he said you were the best pastry chef, but just knowing I can help, that’s more than enough for me.” Angela says honestly “And well, maybe we can have a ladies day out or something soon? I’d really love to get to know you better.”

“I’d like that, very much, thank you.”

“And your 30-day push, second biggest push of your life.” Angela winks “You sure you don’t want me to take over from Bradford? Especially now?”

“I appreciate that, I do, but no, we started this together and we’ve been through it, god have we, so I want us to finish together.” Lucy smiles “I know we’re not partners, but we are friends now, and I feel a partnership of sorts.”

“I’m sure he does as well…” Angela agrees “Okay, well if you change your mind, you let me know.”

“I will, I promise you.”

“Okay, well get changed, and be safe out there, nothing and I mean nothing, is more important than keeping that baby and yourself safe, so no heroics you understand me.” Angela says firmly

“Yes Ma’am, I do.”  

“Good girl.”

“There’s something different about you?” Tim asks Lucy when they are in the shop “Are you okay? Is anything wrong?”

“She’s growing.” Lucy says softly

“Who?”

“Kat!” Lucy laughs “That’s what’s different, I didn’t think others would notice, but I guess you’re more observant than most, she just popped out overnight, my pants don’t fit but thankfully Officer Lopez stepped in with that.”

“Oh! Right!” Tim’s eyes widen slightly “Are you okay to be on patrol? You can do your last 30 days at the station if you need to.”

“Why go and ruin our friendship by saying things like that.” Lucy rolls her eyes at him “I’m fine, I promise.”

“Okay, but anything changes…”

“I will let you know, I swear.”

“You’re still coming for lunch this weekend? Lopez and her family are as well.”

“Yeah of course!” Lucy smiles “I’m looking forward to meeting her children, I’ll bring the desert, okay?”

“That’d be great, I’m good on the grill, but fine pastry, so not my thing.”

“I could teach you if you ever wanted?” Lucy offers “It’s a good way to impress the ladies…”

“Maybe after my Sergeants exam…and you, oh I don’t know…having that baby and recovering from that.” Tim smiles

“Which by all accounts may be in 14 years…” Lucy moves her hand to gently rub her belly

“Your kid…nah, she’ll be teaching me all your tricks by the age of two.” Tim offers

“Oh, she’d never betray her Momma like that, not even for her favourite Uncle.”

“Oh, I’m her favourite Uncle now?”

“Eh, you come with Tamara, kinda gives you a foot up.”

“Good to know and Tam will be very happy to hear that.”

DISPATCH
7-Adam-19, silent hold-up alarm activated at Madame Megan's Psychic Shop. 2417 Vine. Code 3.

“And we’re back on the job.” Lucy smiles “And your favourite type, maybe we can even grab you a looovvveee potion.”

“Watch it boot.” Tim smirks

“Yes Sir.”

“But they might have something that casts shiny shiny lights for Tam.”

“Very likely, lots of overpriced crystal balls I’m sure.”

“Not like I have anyone else to spend money on, may as well make her happy.” Tim says as he climbs out of the shop.

“She’s a good thing to spend money on Sir, our kittens always will be.”

“Yeah, guess they will be.” Tim says before they walk into the dark shop to see a customer threatening who they assumed was the psychic.

“This is the police, you drop that snow-globe now!” Tim yells out

“Actually, put it down gently…we don’t need to navigate shattered glass.” Lucy adds

“Okay, you heard her, put it down gently and step away from the nice lady.” Tim agrees, and watches as the man slowly puts the ball down, before Lucy steps up and cuffs him.

“You can’t believe a word she says, in fact she’s not allowed to tell you anything!” The man says “We've got psychic-client confidentiality.”

“Oh wow, that’s as much as thing as psychics are real” Lucy laughs

“Now what happened?” Tim asks “Why did he snap?”

“I literally have no idea, I was going with the ‘taking a long walk in the woods with a pretty lady’ and he just went insane.”

“Really now…hitting a little close to home there.” Tim frowns “Control, I need you to run a name for me.”

In the end it turned out that while Tim had been trying to keep Lucy away from the dangerous calls, they still ended up arresting a murderer.

The two were softly discussing their plans for the weekend, while watching the detectives and the Sergeant on duty stepping in to effectively take over their find, when…

“You miss him very much.” The psychic says to Lucy

“Excuse me?”

“Your partner?” She says staring at Lucy

“Stop talking!” Tim snaps

“He’s not gone you know…”

“I said stop talking!”

“Your baby…did he know about them.”

“You say one more word and I swear to god I will have you arrested!” Tim basically growls “I will find every single citation I can find and make sure you spend the next decade living in a dank cell where you can try these cheap tricks and see how far that gets you…”

“I’m just saying that I can help her, to talk to him.”

“Shut up!” Lucy yells taking a step forward “Just shut the fuck up!”

“She’s not worth it boot.” Tim grabs her hand, pulling Lucy back “But she is going to jail now.”

“Does she know that you are in love with her?” The psychic asks “Seems a bit unprofessional to me…”

“God you really will try anything to hurt someone won’t you.” Lucy glares “I’ve met truly evil people…but you…you’re…”

“We’ll take over from you.” Lucy hears Angela’s soft voice behind her “You two get back to the station, we’ve got this.”

“I’m sorry.” Lucy deflates quickly, Jackson resisting stepping in to hug her, but rather squeezing her fingers as him and Angela walk past her, before Lucy and Tim head to their shop.

“I’m so sorry Tim, I shouldn’t let her get to me.”

“Are you okay Lucy?”

“As okay as I can be.” She gives a huff “I’m fine enough to go back on shift, and no easy calls!”

“Luce, no…”

“Tim, I need to…I just…”

“Come on, it’s almost lunch, we’ll just take it early, let you decompress a little.”

“I hate that I was tempted…”

“Tempted?” Tim frowns

“To accept it, to ask her anything, just give me something, and I know they cold read, and I get the con, I do, I really fucking do…but a small part of me just wishes, that there was a way I could ask him something, and he could answer.”

“What would you ask him that you don’t already know?”

“Well that’s not a fair question.”

“But clearly there is one on your mind?”

“It’s so stupid Tim, so fucking stupid.”

“Clearly not…what would you ask him?”

“Does he like her name…” Lucy whispers “We were supposed to chose it together, I just want to know if he likes it.”

“He called you Hotpants right? Or Sunshine Girl?” Tim asks “Any other pet name.”

“God so many, I’d tease him that it’s because he couldn’t remember my name, even after marriage.”

“What would he have called her?”

“His dream, princess, actually most likely our Kitten or he’d choose some historical firefighter name just to rag me with, the two of them ganging up on the cop in the family.” Lucy smiles as a few tears fall “He wouldn’t have cared what her name was…as long as she was there.”

“So there you go.” Tim says gently “You don’t ever need someone to tell you what he would have wanted or thought, because I doubt you do a damn thing regarding yourself and that little girl without knowing already.”

“God, when did you become so insightful.” Lucy looks out the window

“I guess around the time I was assigned a pain in the ass Boot.”

“Wish I could have met them…” She giggles “You know to say thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Right, well enough of this, otherwise I will be on desk duty for the rest of the month, let’s get some food – your choice – and then go and arrest some more bad guys.”

“Yes Ma’am.” Tim rolls his eyes before starting up the shop.

Chapter Text

“Sorry that Bobby can’t be here” Lucy says when Tim arrives that weekend to install the bookcase in the nursery “are you sure you don’t want to wait until he can help?”

“Lucy, I think I can figure out some shelving without having a firefighter step in…” Tim shakes his head at her “and besides, we get this done, I get to smell those amazing pastries baking and it’ll help keep us calm before the chaos of the Lopez family this afternoon…”

“Oh, you are so horrible, I’m sure that the children are just amazing.” Lucy swats his arm softly

“Oh god, they’re perfect, I was talking about their parents.” Tim winks at her.

“Angela is perfectly lovely I’ll have you know.” Lucy crinkles her nose at him “Now, would you like a taste test before I put you to work?”

“Always.” Tim smiles “And you’re okay to read to me while I get this done?”

“God absolutely!” Lucy says happily “It’ll do Kat some good to hear some solid policing as well, try balance out her daddy’s genes and all.”

“How are you doing Luce?” Tim asks gently reaching for her hand “Like really?”

“Same as most days, good parts, bad parts, happy parts, sad…”

“You know…”

“Yes, I sound like a Dr Seuss book.”

“No, you sound normal, a little guarded still, but I think that’s just who you need to be right now.”

“Stop that, or you don’t get custard slices.” Lucy frowns “But seriously Tim, I’m…well, today I’m alright, I mean I’ll never be perfect, well I don’t think I will, not, god, not any time soon, but I feel him around more and more you know, especially when she kicks, and I remember your words, how he’s with me always, how I’ll see him again when I see her, and I know it’s true, I know that now.”  

“I’m glad Lucy, I really am, and I am so looking forward to learning more about him, and Kat of course, as time goes on, all the little things, the important things, that make us all human, real.”

“Well, yes…” Lucy roughly wipes her tears away “Let’s not get all weepy, otherwise we’ll never get done, and then I am sure Angela would be rather cross with you.”

“Not with you?”

“Oh no, I’m perfect, I bake pastries, I can do no wrong.”

“Good to know that a decade of friendship can be outmatched by pastries…” Tim laughs “Okay, let’s get building!”

“Yes Sir.”

For the next two hours Lucy sat reading Tim the latest book assigned for his Sergeants exam, while he methodically put together the Tree bookcase in Kat’s room, Lucy feeling a sort of peace wash over her as she read out loud, the pastries in the oven, hand resting softly on her belly, while still being able to look at the framed photo of Noah hanging on the wall.

It was like he was there with them, giving his approval, even at the fact someone else was putting up the shelving, which honestly would have happened anyway given his DIY skills, but it was still, calming, of a sort.

“He would have approved of you” Lucy said eventually “Noah I mean, not that I would have cared if he did or didn’t, but he would have liked you, respected you.”

“Oh?” Tim frowns at her sudden comment

“Sorry, I guess my brain runs different thoughts while I do things as well.”

“Your own sort of learning, well processing?”

“Yeah…but I was just thinking, well he would have given you fucking hell eventually, especially when he found out Thena was your TO, but Noah would have liked you, he would be glad…um…I’m glad Tim, that you’re not only my friend, but that you were assigned to me, well rather I was assigned to you, I’m just…fuck…I’m glad okay, for this last year with you, and I know now that we were supposed to ride together, and Noah knows that…shit” Lucy starts crying “I wasn’t supposed to cry today”

“Not all tears are an evil Lucy.” Tim says gently

“Don’t go quoting Lord of the Rings to me or I’m going to cry even more.” Lucy says, even as she still does in fact cry more “But thank you.”

“Oh, come here.” Tim sits next to her and opens his arms so that she can curl into them “You cry it out, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Thank you.” Lucy repeats, allowing herself to sob into his chest, all her emotions coming out, knowing that she was safe to do so, that Tim would never, ever judge her for her pain, or her reaction to it.

“Do you need me to cancel lunch?” Tim asks when Lucy was calmer “We can just sit here, or I can take you to see Tam?”

“No, thank you, but honestly I think seeing some joy in children today is exactly what I really need.” Lucy smiles “But I appreciate your offer, and today, and god that bookshelf is amazing!”

“It really is if I do say so myself.” Tim looks approvingly at his work “Now we just need to make sure to sneak some police positive books in there.”

“Always, and some donut recipes.” Lucy gives a small laugh.

“Right? She needs to learn that quickly, how else are we going to eat while writing all those tickets?”

“We’d surely starve.”

“Come on boot, let’s go see Tam, and the craziness that Lopez brings.”

“Thanks Tim.” Lucy squeezes his hand “You pack up, I’ll get the desert”

“I want one for the road.”

“You’re worse than a child, but fine.”

The afternoon was going swimmingly, of course Angela’s family instantly loved Lucy, her and Wesley chatting animatedly about ethics within the police department. Tim playing with the children between grilling the food and ragging Angela for just sitting and watching the day play out.

“Hey, this is my day off, you spend time with your god babies, they adore you.” Angela laughs sipping on her wine “And Lucy needs the practice; in fact, I’m doing you all a huge favour today.”

“Sure, you are Lopez” Tim laughs, lifting Emmy into his arms and handing Jack his own spatula for the small toy grill he bought for him, Lucy quickly going to “help” him.

“Hush Tim.” Lucy laughs while her and Jack prepare fake burgers “this is fun!”

“Yes dear…” Tim huffs and rolls his eyes “First time in my life I’ve been told by a boot to hush…”

“Doubt it’ll be the last.” Lucy looks up “Now, Jack has finished his part, how are you going with yours?”

“Almost done…”

“Come on, I’ll take the kids to get washed up.” Angela stands, her eyes darting between the two of them “Wes, come help.”

“Smells good.” Lucy says standing up.

“And I have all your extra pickles waiting.”

“Oh, I know, it’s the only reason I agreed to come today.”

“Sure, it was…” Tim laughs, plating up the patties

“They really are adorable.” Lucy’s eyes dart towards where Angela had taken the children inside.

“They really are, I mean it’s against all genetic odds, but they’re perfect.”

“How are you and Angela best friends…” Lucy swats his arm before taking the dish to head inside, joining the Lopez family at the table.

“Oh wow.” Lucy moans slightly over the bite of her burger “Tim, these are amazing, so much better than the take-away ones, thank you!”

“She’s right Tim.” Wesley agrees “They’re amazing.”

“Hmm, clearly a man of hidden talents” Angela says pointedly “Never knew that he could grill like this before.”

“Yes well, you live and lea…” Tim was saying before getting cut off by Lucy suddenly grabbing his hand and placing it on her stomach

“Tim feel!” She almost yells out holding his hand fast “Can you feel that?”

“Oh wow.” Tim says slightly stunned, feeling the small movements of the baby under his palm “Wow…”

“Kat, do you like the burgers your Uncle Tim made for you angel.” Lucy pushes his hand more “Look at you being so polite and saying thank you.”

“That’s amazing Lucy.” Tim presses his fingers against the movement slightly “Hey Kat, I’m glad you like the food little one, I’ll keep it coming okay, I promise.”

“And now she’s moved down.” Lucy laughs letting go of Tim’s hand, completely oblivious to the looks that both Angela and Wesley were giving them “But you felt that right?”

“I did, it was really special Luce.”

“Girl has good taste in food.” Wesley says quickly before Angela can comment

“Absolutely.” Lucy smiles “Good to know she get’s something from me.”

“I’m sure she’ll get a lot more than that from you.” Angela says, before they continue eating.

“Tim, can we have a quick chat?” Angela follows him into the kitchen as he is clearing up, Lucy and Wesley getting the children back outside with the promise of desert on the way.

“I have not gone over-board with any of the deserts or toys for the children, I promise.” he answers on auto-pilot

“No, although I’m sure that’s actually a lie, it’s not what I wanted to ask.”

“Okay?”

“Tim…how long have you been in love with Lucy?”

“Um what?” Tim almost chokes

“How long have you been in love with Lucy?” Angela repeats annunciating it further

“Angela…”

“You are in love with her, aren’t you?” She pushes 

“Yes…” Tim admits softly

“Shit.”

Chapter Text

“You are in love with her, aren’t you?” She pushes 

“Yes…” Tim admits softly

“Shit.”

“It’s fine I promise, we haven’t done anything, Lucy doesn’t even know, please Angela, just leave it.”

“She needs to transfer to me immediately!” Angela snaps “She should have the second you felt more for her than what was proper!”

“Ang, she’s already lost so much, she wouldn’t want to transfer, I won’t do that to her, I’ve been impartial when training her, I promise!”

“There is no chance that you’ve been impartial.”

“She called me out at the start when I wasn’t…” Tim admits “She wants to do this on her own merits, please, don’t take that from her, don’t expose me…it’s 3 weeks Ang, just three more weeks”

“She’s riding with me on Monday, and I swear if I feel she’s even slightly behind because you haven’t done your job, we will have issues, which I will address with the Captain.”

“Listen, I don’t care if I lose my job or stripes or whatever, just please, you cannot let Lucy lose this, please, she doesn’t deserve that.” Tim begs “She’s a good cop Ang, a good person.”

“Well, I guess we’ll see – and for the record I hate the fact you’re making me do this with a grieving pregnant woman!”

“I’m not making you do anything! It’s three weeks, she survived me 6 months before I knew anything that happened, before I started…” He trails off “Lucy has earned her fucking stripes! She’s brilliant, fearless and powerful! I will not let you dimmish that just because of how I feel!”

“You should have told me the second things changed Tim, and I’m not talking about her personal life, I’m talking about you!”

“I couldn’t admit it okay, and by the time I realised she was already hurting so badly and then pregnant, and I know I’ll never be anything other than a friend to her, I know that okay, but I can’t just switch it off, I can’t stop loving her and it hurts, but it would hurt so much more to not love her, so please Angela, just don’t punish her because I can’t stop my feelings.”

“I don’t want to punish her Tim, I happen to like Lucy, a lot okay, but we owe it to her and to the public to make sure she’s actually qualified to be on the streets, one shift okay, I just need to know.”

“And you won’t put her in danger?”

“Christ have some fucking faith in me Bradford!” Angela hits his arm “Of course I won’t, that baby is precious, so is Lucy, trust me okay.”

“Ang please, I don’t ask for much, or anything really, I am asking you, please keep my secret, I can’t lose her, not as my friend, I need her in my life, anyway I can, please?”

“Be careful Tim…”

“I’d never hurt her or allow her to be hurt.”

“I’m talking about you getting hurt.”

“My pain means nothing if I can keep her happy.”

“Yeah…that’s my fear.” Angela sighs “We need to get back outside, but she is riding with me on Monday.”

“Okay.”

“I wish it was different for you; I really do.” She says squeezing his arm before heading outside to join them, giving Tim a moment to compose himself before he followed.

Angela watched Lucy closely when Grey announced that she would be riding with her for the day, needing to see that Lucy wouldn’t be upset, instead she turned and gave Angela a sweet and happy smile, before focusing on the briefing again.

“I’ll help you Chen.” Angela stepped forward when they were at the war room to load up the shop.

“No need Ma’am, I’ve got this well practiced now, even with the belly.” Lucy grabbed everything and loaded the shop flawlessly. “Um, do you want to drive? Or should I?”

“You drive, may as well enjoy it while you can.” Angela throws her the keys

“Understood” Lucy quickly climbs in, before turning on all the cameras “Um, while we’re not on call, would it be okay if I asked you some…um…mom and birth questions?”

“What?” Angela frown in surprise that Lucy was even asking permission to talk about something like that, normally Jackson wouldn’t stop going on about anything and everything in his personal life.

“It’s okay if we can’t, I get it, maybe we can do…no, never mind.” Lucy smiles softly before starting up the shop and heading out, leaving Angela feeling slightly unmoored.

“Ask away boot” Angela eventually says “if it’s slow and you have questions, please, ask me.”

“Were you scared? I mean in labour?”

“Terrified, but actually it’s not that terrifying when you think about it.” Angela says “and I had Wes with me, my anchor”

“I don’t want to be scared you know, because at the end of it, I get her, I get our baby and a piece of my husband, but I guess I’ve watched one too many TV shows.” Lucy admits “and I know J and Emily will be there with me…”

“So will Noah.” Angela finds herself saying “And I can as well if you want me?”

“Really?” Lucy looks at her in surprise “I mean not that I don’t appreciate the offer, I just…”

“Just reach out okay, no pressure, if you need me, I’ll be there, if you don’t, then I won’t.” Angela pats her hand, just as a call comes in, Lucy switching quickly from personal to work, impressing Angela, and proving in one sweep that she was here for the right reasons, and Tim, even in his adoration had done right by her, training Lucy, yes sure, maybe not as harshly as he had been before, but nonetheless, still training her.

As the day went on, even with their personal talk between calls, Angela not only saw how Tim fell in love with Lucy, but also how right he was, that despite her pain and trauma – something she could have used to fly through the program but chose not to – she could see that Lucy would be a phenomenal officer, now all she needed to do was try and protect her best friend.

Come end of shift Angela knew that at the least Lucy was more than well equipped to be on the streets, more so than her own rookie.

“Officer Chen” She holds her hand out for Lucy to shake “Today has been my honour, you are remarkable, and I look forward to seeing the exceptional officer and mother that you become, and I hope to god that you will come to me if you need anything.”

“Thank you Ma’am, I really do aspire to be as phenomenal as you are, and Officer Bradford has suggested the same, so I really appreciate you looking out for me.”

“Want to go and grab dinner, so we can drop these silly formalities and talk about all the nitty gritty parts of labour and newborns?” Angela gives a small chuckle

“So much, please! No one else wants to tell me the truth!” Lucy huffs

“Come on, I mean, you’re still driving since you can’t drink, and I can.” Angela takes Lucy’s hand and leads them to the locker room “Mid-Wilshire, and by that, I mean me, will always be here for you Lucy, without hesitation”

“I’m really seeing that now Angela, even with my Noah gone, I can still see joy and love in the world, well at least I can now, and really because Tim prompted me to see it, but regardless, I can see it, and you’re part of that now and I am very grateful for you and your family.”

“Oh, come here” Angela pulls Lucy into her arms “We’ve got you Lucy, whatever you need okay, please just call.”

“I promise” Lucy hugs her back “And thank you, for everything, for being part of my family.”

"Always Luce, no matter what, I've got your back." 

Chapter Text

The day had started out, well as perfectly as it could without Noah. It was her last official day as a rookie, she had made a sweet little photo book for Tim to thank him for everything he had done for her and for Kat. She took a little extra effort in getting her hair done, and made a giant batch of cookies for the breakroom, today was a day to be remembered.

She had found out the day before that Noah had booked a table at one of the most exclusive restaurants in LA - god knows how he thought they were going to pay for it, but it seemed like the day she started at Mid-Wilshire he made the booking, his faith in her, in them, never-ending. She cried for a solid hour after that call, before gifting the table to Bobby and Athena, for all their help and love, and then she took her breath and prepared herself for the next steps in life. 

Looking in the mirrors in the stations changing room, she was proud, of herself, of their baby, of her job of everything she had pushed through, pushed past, and she knew that if she was proud of herself, that Noah would be as well.

“You ready Lucy?” Angela asked gently

“I really am, I mean I feel somewhat sad about this being the last time I ride with Tim, because he’s sort of become my rock you know?”

“I don’t, but I understand yes.” Angela smiles “But Grey is going to pair you and West together from tomorrow, and I promise, there will be times you ride with me or Tim.”

“And I’ll be on desk duty soon enough…” Lucy looks down “She’s growing like a weed now, I don’t know if I’ll have space for much longer?”

“I said that every day from seven months, along with several choice words” Angela laughs and puts her hand on Lucy’s belly “You’ve done so well Lucy, and we are all so fucking proud of you.”

“Oh, don’t make me cry before shift, I doubt Tim would forgive that.”

“Liar…” Angela gives a soft laugh “But okay, fierce faces on, and this time tomorrow, Officer Chen, you will officially be a P2.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you, please know that.” Lucy holds her hand tightly “Your love and guidance and kindness, so thank you.”

“And now you’re making me cry.” Angela gives up and hugs her “I’m proud to know you, to have had a small part in your training, and I cannot wait to see the amazing momma you’re going to make.”

“Right” Lucy wipes a tear away “I think it’s time to head to rollcall.”

“So, last day together.” Tim gives a small smile, opting to load the shop himself, despite Lucy’s complaints.

“Well only at work, I mean we will see each other outside of work right?”

“Yeah, of course we will Lucy, remember I’m the favourite Uncle, I’ve got a reputation to protect.”

“It feels a little surreal you know.” Lucy says “I mean it’s been 13 months together, and yet it feels both like no time at all, and also about five years.”

“It’s been a big year Lucy, really really big.”

“Yeah, it has, I suppose normal people tend to space out life altering events over a bit more than six months.”

“Just a bit yes.” He smiles “You doing okay though? Any plans for tonight?”

“Um, having dinner with the West’s and I’m sure half of the 118 will be there as well, it’ll be good.”

“Good, I’m glad, you deserve a celebration.”

“Honestly, I think I would prefer an early night, but they’re all just so excited.”

“Well if you need a covert rescue, you just message me and I’ll summon you back on shift.”

“Will I actually have to go on shift though?”

“Hell no, we’ll go get ice-cream”

“You’re cute Bradford” Lucy laughs “Thanks, really, for everything, this has without question been one of the worst years of my life, but it’s also been one of the better ones, and a large part of that is because of you.”

“I’d hazard that Kat might be the biggest part of that, but thank you for saying that Lucy.”

“So, is there like any last day hazing that you do to the rookies?” She asks “Or am I exempt due to everyone worried about a baby falling out of me?”

“No, there is no last day hazings, we get that all out our systems at the start of your training, and I think you handled yours better than most.”

“I mean most likely because you got shot day two…”

“There is that yes.”

“But I survived Wrigley”

“You did, and you got him responding to calls, no one has managed that in years.”

“I should have just been promoted there and then.”

“Agreed” Tim laughs with her

At the end of it all, their last shift was somewhat uneventful, and, other than being seven months pregnant, Lucy was happy for that, for just for the time to talk with Tim, to get some more advice, Angela making the occasional commentary, it felt complete and considering the start of their journey, today closed off this chapter with a warm feeling.

“Tim wait” Lucy walked up to him as quickly as possible in the parking lot after shift

“Everything okay?” Tim frowns slightly

“Yes, everything is just fine, I wanted to give you this, as a thank you.” She holds out the wrapped gift “For everything”

“Oh, Lucy you didn’t need to do this.”

“No I did, and if it’s not too unprofessional, could I give you a hug?”

“Yeah, always.” Tim smiles as she wraps her arms around him, as much as possible with the bump now in the way, before stepping back and going on her toes to kiss his cheek.

“Seriously Tim, thank you.”

“You have fun tonight Lucy, let them celebrate you the way you deserve okay, and I’m here for you, whatever you need, whenever you need it.” Tim gives her a small smile “And thank you as well, for bringing light back into my life.”

“Oh, I’m sure that was Tamara.” Lucy winks

“Take the win Chen and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow Tim.”

“To Mid-Wilshire’s newest P2’s!” Percy raises his glass “Congratulations!”

“To Lucy and Jackson!”

“Thank you” Lucy smiles at everyone, squeezing Jackson’s hand “So much for this, and for your unwavering support and love.”

“Now, as is tradition in our family, we’d like to gift you both a St Michaels pendant” Emily and Percy each hand a small box over to Jackson and Lucy.

“Here Lu, I’ll help you put it on.” Jackson offers and when Lucy nods, he slides it around her neck and fastens the clasp, Lucy moving the pendant to sit under Noah’s wedding ring.

“Thank you, so much.” She gives a slightly watery smile, grasping the two for a moment. “Gosh, everyone is trying really hard to make me cry today, although to be fair it doesn’t take much.”

“If you need to cry my girl, you cry, not a person here will judge you for that.” Emily says softly holding her hand "Ever" 

“No, I know that, believe me I do, but for now, let’s celebrate, it’s been…well a very long year, and I somehow don’t think it’s going to calm down, so tonight is about our journey, and one very special dream becoming a reality.”

“He’s with you Lucy.” Jackson says softly when he drops her off at home later “He always will be and he would be so proud of you.”

“I know.” Lucy places her hand over the baby “In so many more ways than one, he’s never leaving us, not truly, because I will love him for the rest of my life, and so will Kat.”

“And anyone who ever knew him, we all will, .” He rubs her belly “You’ll be okay tonight?”

“Yeah, you go get your cuddles in with Gino, I know he has an after family dinner treat planned for you.”

“Get your mind out the gutter.” Jackson winks before giving her a kiss on the cheek “But yes he does.”

“Love you J.” Lucy waves him good bye and heads into the house.

“And now it’s just us little one, I think a nice cup of tea and I’ll tell you more about your daddy.” She starts up her usual evening routine, going through photos of her and Noah, planning the album that she was making for Kat while telling her stories about him before climbing into bed.

“Hey Hotpants”

Lucy opens her eyes slowly with a soft smile

“Hey NoNo, what are you doing?”

“She was a bit fussy, so I thought I’d look after her for a while, let you get some sleep, but she’s a little hungry now I think.”

“Is she now? And we don’t have bottles?” Lucy smiles looking at him cuddled up with a little pink bundle

“Fine, I’ve also fed her, but I miss you, sue me.”

“I miss you too, so much.”

“She looks so much like you Sunshine, so perfect, beautiful, with all the love and compassion of the world in her beautiful brown eyes.”

“Her eyes are blue though, just like yours.” Lucy frowns at him “You know this.”

“Do I?” He looks at her “Do you?”

“Of course…Noah?”

“I’m so sorry Hotpants, I never meant to go, I never meant to leave her”

“Where is she Noah?” Lucy looks at him, the pink bundle gone, his arms looking like they were burning “Where’s our baby?”

“She’s with you where she’s safe, you need to keep her safe.”

“Why can’t you?” Lucy reaches for him, and her hand goes through him like smoke “Noah!? Why can’t you!”

“I love you.”

“Noah!!” Lucy screams, waking up drenched in sweat, reaching frantically for where he had been, before reality rained back down on her, and she was cold and alone, unable to catch her breath, arms grasped desperately around her belly, trying to calm herself, trying, just trying…

“Lucy?” Tim answers his phone almost instantly

“Tim…please, I…I can’t…”

“I’m on my way, stay on the phone okay, I’m on my way.”

Chapter Text

“No, no it’s okay, just talk to me, please tell me something good, I just…”

“I’m on my way Lucy, I’ll talk to you, but I’m on my way.”

“I’m sorry.” Lucy sobs “I’m so sorry”

“Nothing to be sorry about, I made you put my number in your phone for this reason, I’m here for you okay.”

“Okay.”

“Take a deep breath, we’ll talk about what happened when I get there, but for now you need to breathe”

“I’m trying, I promise I am.”

“I know, I know, you’ve got this, in for three, out for two, come on boot.”

“Not your boot…” Lucy whispers but starts to breath more evenly

“That’s it…” Tim continues to talk to her, until he arrived at the house and lets himself in.

“I’m here Lucy, I’m here.” He rushes into her room going to her side “You’ve done well okay, you’ve got this, deep breaths, slow and steady.”

“Slow…steady…” Lucy repeats “Slow…steady…”

“There you go, that’s it, see, you’ve got this, I’m just your backup…” He holds her hand “You’ve got this Lucy.”

“I’ve got this…” Lucy looks at him “Tim…Noah’s gone.”

“I know, I’m so sorry.”

“He’s never coming back, is he?”

“No, I’m sorry, but no, he’s not, no matter how much we all want him to.”

“Why do I keep forgetting that he’s gone?”

“Because you don’t want him to be gone, because it’s not fair that he is.”

“It’s not fair that my mind keeps tricking me, making me think he’s still with me, only to snatch him away again.”

“You dreamed about him?”

“I always do…” Lucy admits “But tonight’s one was cruel, evil, it was the first time it included our daughter, and that’s wrong!”

“I’m sorry Lucy.” Tim takes her hand and places it over her belly “But your daughter is there, and she is safe, just as Noah would have wanted her to be.”

“I don’t know how to protect her…how to tell her about her father, without her feeling the pain I’ve felt?”

“You tell her about him every single day of her life, and she’ll feel the hurt, of course she will.” Tim places his hand next to hers, feeling the baby move about “It’s not your job to save her from all the hurt in the world Lucy, but rather teach her to navigate through that in a healthy way.”

“I don’t want her to ever feel hurt…”

“Of course you don’t, because you’re a good mother, but she’s going to.” Tim smiles softly at her “She’ll have teenage heartache, and she’ll get angry when her sports team loses, or cry when another Doctor dies, before becoming attached to the next one, knowing they’re going to one day go as well.”

“And when her dice rolls a 1.” Lucy nods “or she reads a sad book.”

“Exactly, but she’ll be able to express those emotions, because you look after her, and keep her safe, in all the most important ways”

“I’m so scared Tim”

“I know, and that’s okay, it’s good to be scared at times, especially for important things.”

“You really didn’t need to come all this way.” Lucy smiles “Just the phone call would have helped.”

“Well Tamara heard your voice and then she was begging me, and well I can’t say no to my daughter.”

“She’s here!?” Lucy lights up quickly

“Of course, she’s never going to turn down cuddles with her favourite Aunty”

“I’m her favourite Aunt now?”

“Eh, you come with Kat, sort of a leg up from all the others.” Tim winks at her, lifting Tamara’s carrier onto the bed and opening it up.

“Oh Tam” Lucy opens her arms as Tamara slowly sniffs her way along the bed “Oh baby girl, you’re just the cutest!”

“She really is” Tim says looking at Lucy fondly “Just perfect”

“Oh Tim, this is lovely, exactly what I needed.”

“Well she’s here for the night, I’ll sleep in the living room – is it okay if I set up her things in your bathroom?”

“Yeah, of course, whatever you need.” Lucy agrees quickly as Tamara comes and curls into her arms, allowing Lucy to pepper her with kisses “Thank you, for being my rock.”

“Anytime, now, I’ll make you a cup of tea, and then you can try get some rest, unless you’d rather play cards or something?”

“Um, cards would be nice, help calm my brain a little bit, but I’m keeping Tam with me.”

“Oh heaven forbid I try get between the three of you.” Tim smiles “I’ll go set it up.”

“Actually, you hold her while I go to the bathroom, then I’ll join you both.” Lucy gives her another kiss before Tim picks her up.

Over the months Tim had learned more about Lucy than he thinks he had ever bothered to learn about anyone before, including Isabel. He knew when she needed to laugh, or be distracted, or be angry, he could read her like his favourite book.

Then with the time both off and on duty they spent together, he learned exactly how she preferred her tea, how she loved simple card games as a way to switch off her brain a little. He knew when she had a good hand, or was trying to bluff, but somehow always (well almost always) he’d let her win.

He knew that she’d have some baked goods in the kitchen, for a midnight snack, and he also knew that she had started keeping his preferred coffee brand at her place, just as he kept her favourite tea at his.

In another world, this would be the time he admitted his feelings for her, but it wasn’t another world, and he couldn’t do that. He had hope, yes, that perhaps in a few years she may be ready to hear it, and maybe he’d be ready to say it.

“I think I need to sell the baby fire truck” Lucy says while they are playing cards, Tamara draped over her belly.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I mean I don’t want to, but I’ve been doing research, and going over my budget…”

“Again.”

“Yes again.” Lucy gives him a soft glare “And well it makes not only financial sense, but also environmental sense, to rather have her in cloth diapers, and there are really good ones now days, but it does require a larger upfront investment.”

“Like using a pin to close a tea towel diaper?”

“No!” Lucy laughs softly “They are SO much better now, designed to work and look like disposable ones, heck I could splurge a little and even get one or two with fire trucks on them, and well they’d last her until she was out of them, and then I could gift them to a charity or something.”

“Oh?”

“And it would give me a cushion, I’d be able to start putting a little bit of money away as well for her, and for a rainy day…it’s the smart thing to do, I mean it’s also a sad thing to do, but yeah.”

“I’m sorry Luce.”

“Nothing to be sorry for, sometimes in life we need to make shitty choices, at least this one is for the good of Kat, it’s worth it.”

“She always will be.” Tim agrees “Well you let me know if I can help.”

“Thanks, I’ll chat with Bobby this weekend, make sure she’s good to sell, and then figure it out, I mean I’ll cry, but it seems that’s all I do lately anyway.”

“With good reason”

“Liar”

“I’m not, and you know it, you’re just trying to distract me from the fact you have a rather shitty hand there.”

“Hmm” Lucy pouts slightly “Maybe…”

“Come on boot, I think young ladies need to finish this hand and get to bed.”

“Yeah…” Lucy scritches Tamara softly “And I can keep her with me?”

“I doubt she’s leaving your side if she doesn’t need to.” Tim gives them a soft smile and then a smirk as Lucy lays down her losing hand.

“Don’t be smug.”

“Me, never…” Tim gathers up the cards as Lucy slowly stands up with Tamara in her arms “Go get some sleep, I’ll make us breakfast in the morning.”

“It is morning.”

“I’ll make us breakfast when you wake up okay.”

“Night Tim, thank you, again, for everything.”

“Sleep tight Lucy, I’m right here if you need me okay.” He says giving Tamara a kiss “And you look after them little lady.”

“Of course she will, because she’s a little warrior cat.” Lucy snuggles her tighter “Just to off-set her guardian father…”

“Oh wow, so that’s how you thank me?” Tim scoffs “Go to bed boot, before I figure out how to blue page you.”

“Yes Sir.” Lucy smiles heading to her room and climbing into bed, Tamara curled up against her the belly, occasionally giving it a look when Kat nudged her a little harder than usual, but eventually settling, purring, and helping to lull Lucy into a dreamless sleep.

Chapter Text

Six weeks later (38 weeks along)

“Tell me the truth now” Tim approaches Lucy at the front desk “Do I need to take away your gun?”

“No…” Lucy huffs “But you’ll need to man the desk while I go and pee for the 27^th time this morning, and get myself some more snacks.”

“I’ve already brought you your snacks” He shows her “Go to the bathroom, I’ll take watch.”

“Thanks.” She takes the snacks and hides them in her draw before taking his hand to ease off the chair “I’ll be back in either 20 minutes or two hours.”

“Take your time Boot.”

“Not your boot.” Lucy smiles before waddling off.

“Look at that, only 30 minutes” Tim says on her return

“I had to double back.”

“You’re really planning to work until I have to deliver Kat in the breakroom?” Tim helps her sit and hands her a water

“I need as many days with her as possible after she's born.” Lucy says “You know this.”

“I know, I wish I didn’t, I’m really glad you have Emily to be honest.”

“God me too!” Lucy sighs “I mean I wish Kat had my or Noah’s parents, but Emily, Percy, heck even Bobby and Thina – although they are far too young to be that– they are good grandparents.”

“Okay then, I’ll brush up on my midwifery skills and get ready to deliver her.”

“Good man.” Lucy laughs

“Want me to stay with you?”

“Are you able to?”

“Yeah, it’s all good, I mean I know that you’re trying to replace me with Smitty as your best friend…” Tim sighs “But he’s actually on patrol today by some miracle, so I’ll have to do if you want company”

“Drama queen!” Lucy laughs

“Well, he did get all those calendars for you, it was a very beautiful gesture.” Tim says “Honestly I was rather surprised”

“It was yes, and having that picture of Noah, honestly it was the best baby shower gift in the world.” Lucy smiles, remembering how Smitty, and dispatch, and so many others had worked together to purchase every single Firefighter Calendar that Noah had posed for that year, to give them all to her, allowing Lucy to chose if she wanted to keep them, or re-sell them.

Noah as “Mr July” surrounded by kittens…

“And yet instead of keeping them or selling them and keeping the money, which would clearly have been a big help…”

“Tamara has been a big help, to you, me, and I’m damn sure that she will be to Kat as well one day, donating it to the animal shelter made sense, it was the right thing to do, it’s what Noah would have wanted.”

“You are far too pure for this world Lucy, but I’m damn glad you are in it.”

“We’ve had this discussion before Tim, I’m the pregnant one, I’m the only one allowed to be emotional and sappy.”

“Understood” He sits down “Now go pee again”

“Maybe I do need to go on maternity leave” Lucy sighs getting off the chair again. “I’ll be back at some point.”

“Take your time” Tim smiles, wishing that he could be able to help more, god, even offer to give her all his leave, and lord knows he had enough of it saved up, but he had done what he could, without being too overbearing, he just wanted to do more, and openly do more. “I’ll be here when you get back, radio me if I need to deliver her in the bathroom instead of the breakroom.”

“Jerk.” Lucy laughs walking away

“And you made it through another day.” Tim helps her climb into his truck “Well done.”

“Condescending much.”

“You take it however you want to take it.”

“Thank you.”

“Your place? Mine? Wests? Grant?”

“Mine please, I’m just exhausted, I need to sleep for a year.”

“You’ve got your chia seeds right?”

“Bradford, at this point I could mainline pure caffeine and still need to sleep for a year.”

“Do I need to bring you more?”

“No, I’ve got, thank you.”

“Same time tomorrow?”

“Actually, could I come to yours? I’d love to see Tam?” Lucy changes her mind, thinking about cuddling up with her

“And so you can watch Tony and Ziva?”

“Obviously, your TV is bigger than mine.”

“You don’t have a TV…”

“Exactly, so yours will always be bigger.”

“You’re ordering us dinner then.”

“Yeah okay.” Lucy smiles “Or I can cook, I don’t mind.”

“You’re a billion months pregnant; I’m not making you cook!”

“I’m also a widow who is a billion months pregnant and yet you’re making me get you take-out!” Lucy laughs and then slams her hand over her mouth “Oh god.”

“No, it’s okay Lucy.” Tim pulls over the truck quickly

“No, no it’s not!”

“Lucy it’s okay, I know you’re not using his death or anything like that.”

“No, I know you know that, Tim!” Lucy sobs “You’re smart, of course you’d never think that.”

“Okay?”

“I just joked about my husband’s death…I’m a horrible human”

“Oh Lu, no, you’re not, you are so far away from being horrible, you’re just starting to see the other side of the dark is all, a side you can’t get away from, and as hard and painful as it is, you cannot live in the dark and neither can Kat”

“I don’t want her to, ever.”

“I know that, now come on, we’ll go home, I’ll get the food sorted, you’ll snuggle Tam, and I’ll give you some time to process, or talk, or I can call someone else for you?”

“No, we can go to yours, thank you, I’m sorry, god…”

“Don’t go telling me I’m a good man now Boot, my ego is big enough.”

“Not your boot.”

“There we go.” Tim squeezes her hand before starting up the truck again.

“Oh sorry.” Lucy says as her phone rings later, Tim pausing the episode and taking her plate of food pre-emptively “It’s Chim.”

“No, go ahead, and then go and pee again, I’ll make your tea for you.” He shakes his head fondly as Lucy smiles her thanks and steps away to answer the call, Tamara seemingly giving a small frown as the humans who were sitting on either side of her stood up leaving her alone on the sofa. 

Tim watched her talking while making her tea, trying to gauge from her expression what the conversation would be about. It wasn’t unusual for the 118 to call or message her – basically all the time – especially as she entered the final few weeks of the pregnancy.

This conversation however had her looking confused, shifting her eyes to him, frowning, and then turning around to continue to talk for a while.

“Everything okay Lucy?” he asks softly when she was done “Do I need to take you somewhere?”

“Tim, if I asked you a question outright, you’d never lie to me right?” Lucy looks up at him

“Never, why, what’s happened?”

“Did you buy the baby fire truck?”

“Oh…” Tims shoulders dropped, because yes he did, but the agreement was that Bobby handled everything, so that Lucy didn’t know, so that she didn’t feel guilt or debt, but one day he could give it back to her.

“Why? And why wouldn’t you say anything?”

“I wanted to keep it safe for you, for Kat, but you needed that money, and you’d never just take it Lucy.”

“No, I wouldn’t, but why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you’ve got enough going on, I just wanted to help, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t understand Tim, I mean I’m not upset, it’s fucking sweet, I just don’t understand why you would do it, it was a lot of money!”

It really wasn’t for him, but for her, for what she needed, yes it would have been.

“Because…” he falters “You needed it and I didn’t, I don’t, and well…”

“And well? What are you not telling me Tim!” Lucy stands firm “I can tell you are hiding something from me.”

“Because...”

“Because what?!”

“Because I love you okay!”

“Well, I love you too, you’re my best friend in the entire world! But that doesn’t tell me…” Lucy pauses and looks at him properly, realising what his words actually meant “Oh…”

“I’m sorry Lucy, please, I don’t…I can’t…” Tim tries to think rationally now, after blurting that out, tries to tell her that he expects nothing from her but friendship, that she owes him nothing, that he just wants to be there for her and Kat, that he can't lose her.

“Fuck.” Lucy eyes drop, looking down

“Please don’t…”

“Tim, my waters just broke…”

“Fuck”