Archive of Our Own ^beta

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It was another shitty night in New York City and Hatsune Miku was incredibly impatient. Her boyfriend Ben Shapiro STILL hadn’t got back from work, and she had already dialed him 20 times. Seething, she huffed and finally put her phone back into her pigtail. Not a single text in return! What the fuck is he up to?! He better have a REALLY good excuse for practically abandoning her the whole day, honestly the only other time he’s ignored her was when he was kidnapped by some random Australian guy…

Wait.

What if he wasn’t ignoring her, but he was actually in danger? What if he was currently lying in his office bleeding to death? What if his life had just flashed before his eyes, and here she thought he was just being an asshole again?!

She had to help him! And fast!

Miku scrambled up to whistle as loud as her voicebank allowed her to. In an instant, a small orange pony burst a hole through her apartment wall, peering up from behind a dishevelled cowboy hat. This was not the first time Applejack had been summoned by her.

“You know where to go,” Miku said.

“Aye aye, sugarcube!”

The girl just barely managed to get on before Applejack smashed another comically Applejack-shaped hole into the wall and absolutely booked it down the road. Mildly concerning as Hatsune Miku currently lived in a 12th-story apartment room and technically the two should have plummeted to their deaths, but honestly who gives a shit right now. Miku’s blue pigtails streamed by as Applejack bumped right into other vehicles. Unfortunately, this caused a disgruntled Elon Musk to poke his tesla-shaped chest out of a clearly pissed-on cybertruck and squeal “DAMN WOKE AGENDA!!! LGBTIDGAF!!!!” A somewhat confusing statement, as his public adoration for Trump was quite interesting, to say the least.

Ignoring him, the brave pony recklessly dashed on, valiantly ignoring the swarm of cop cars chasing them down. “Oi oi oi, git off tha’ blooday horse ya blue-’aired twat!” yelled out a random British guy.

“SUCK MY BALLS,” yelled Hatsune Miku, who turned around to flip him off with her ponytail. Oh shit, that was Gordon Ramsay! “I bet yours are unseasoned! I’ve tasted plenty of balls and know when I see some good ones!”

Rolling her eyes, the two finally reached Ben’s studio and Miku hopped, or rather awkwardly scooched off of Applejack. The itty-bitty horse was visibly disturbed from the encounter with Gordon Ramsay, but Miku had more pressing matters to attend to. “Here’s your payment, don’t waste it all in one go again.” She pulled out two bottles of apple cider from a pigtails and carelessly chucked them at the grimy floor. Applejack frantically scooped both up with desperation only an alcoholic could have.

“Mighty grateful, ‘atsune... Ah’m sorry ah’m such a mess, business is just gettin’ worse everyday, but tha’s jus’ the usual now I s’pose. Why, seein’ Gordon was like that traumatic day ah’ll over again… Ah’ll never forget how he yelled ‘I’ve had shoe leather more appetizing than that sorry excuse for apple pie!’ What ah wouldn’ give to get mah customers back…” Apple Jack tipped her hat and chugged an entire bottle of cider in ten seconds flat.

“Okay jeez Applejack, I get it. I don’t need to hear your sad sob story every single fucking time! Now go run back to your girlfriend Jojo, or I’m gonna become a bad girl and do some bad things.” Miku scowled, flexing the muscles bulging within her pigtails. Applejack drunkenly dashed onto the road, somehow leaving five separate car crashes in her wake. How comedic.

Good lord, why is everyone so annoying?! Ugh, worrying about Ben sure is exhausting… Miku knocked on the door, but it fell open with zero resistance. Strange…Ben always locked the door. Oh never mind that, where the fuck is he?! She burst into the room.

“BENNY?! IT’S ME! WHY DIDN’T YOU-”

She stopped in her tracks. The building seemed empty, but a strange sound was coming from another room. Miku noticed an open laptop lying on a desk, with her boyfriend’s face plastered on the screen. It seemed to be a paused video of him reacting to a minion in a very feminine costume resembling... a maid? Him and his conservative little channel! He’s sooo cute when he’s a wittle angwy gwemlin! This one looks like he’s interviewing the minion, and in person too? Oh, a new video format, how crea-

Miku’s pigtails recoiled and she shuddered as more sounds came from that same room! The shuffling was getting louder and she swore that it sounded a bit like…no.

Dread gripped her heart. No. My Benny wouldn’t. He’s probably just having fun with his friends in a pillow fight or something INNOCENT. Slamming the door open, Hatsune Miku screamed in high-pitched horror as she saw her boyfriend Ben Shapiro making out with a minion.

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The sight was quite gruesome.  

The two were pressed together, and Miku could see clear as day where the source of the mysterious noises. She saw how Ben made out passionately with the minion and nearly threw up right then and there. How could the same mouth that called her “waifu” now dirty itself with that ugly highlighter?? She desperately looked away only to see Ben’s hand grasped at the three hair follicles resting atop the otherwise bald, yellow head, tucked underneath a maid hat and fake cat ears. That was the last straw. Finally, she snapped out of her stupor to let loose a terrible shriek.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!”

Ben looked up startled, frantically pulling away. “Miku! Didn’t I say that hypothetically speaking, NEVER come into my studio without calling?”

“I did call, you dickhead! Where in America is your phone?!”

The minion pulled out the phone from where the sun doesn’t shine. “S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-sowwy Benny... UwU...”

Miku was at her wit’s end. She was quite off her rocker. She had lost all her marbles. She had gone crazy. Crazy? She was crazy once. They locked her in a room. A rubber room with rats. Rats drove her crazy. Crazy? She was crazy once. They locked her in a room. A rubber room with rats. Rats drove her crazy. Crazy? She was crazy right now.

“Benny?! BENNY?! Who the hell is this banana-looking dwarf and why is he calling you the nickname only I use?!”

Flabbergasted, Ben Shapiro tried to calm her down and motioned for her to sit down before remembering the bed is completely covered in banana peels, courtesy of the minion. How Len-core /neg.

“Miku... This is my friend Stuart. Now, let’s say Stuart is my very good friend. Let’s say hypothetically, if you have a very good friend you will like them, perhaps even love them. Stuart and I were simply doing activities between two friends. Two good friends with no romantic nature at all. Simply roommates. For the sake of argument, let’s suppose even if there was a ginormous romantic nature and that Stuart makes me feel things I haven’t felt since I was with my sister at a pool party, it wouldn’t be considered cheating as I am a loyal American man. Factually speaking, I am nothing more than a ginormous bald eagle oiled up holding a gun made of Big Macs. For the sake of argument, caw caw freedom, make America great again!”

Ben sprang up and heartily flapped his arms up and down, bobbing like a pigeon. Quite the pathetic sight. Sure pathetic is my type but this isn’t cute pathetic, this is just sad. Hurts to watch…

Miku’s eyes painfully welled up as her overwhelming rage turned into despair. Ben winced but remained silent, as a true American man knows facts don’t care about your feelings, meaning he was morally right for cheating on his waifu with a minion in a maid costume.

“Look Miku, I’m afraid you and I just aren’t compatible,” Ben bluntly stated as he turned away, praying to Trump she wouldn’t see the tears of oil trickling from his eye. Miku burst out of the room as she burst into tears. She then burst through another door and dashed outside, her twintails curling up to desperately wipe away her tears. She inhaled deeply, trying to slow down her bursting heart. She just couldn’t believe that barely an hour ago, she was wasting her time worrying over that minion-obsessed FREAK! But not anymore.

This was it.

Something was changing.

Yeah, no more Mister Nice Miku.

Heh... when Miku sees red... 𝓻𝓾𝓷...

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Miku’s body began to transform.

Her petite smol bean girl figure started to distort, reshaping to become stubbier. Joints broke with a sickening crunch to stiffen her shortened limbs as her head grew, and grew, and grew, mouth stuck open in a blank smile. The eye sockets melted to create room for the ginormous, unmoving pupils while turquoise hair twisted within itself, thickening into smooth, shiny plastic.

Over were the days where she’d sing and live as a happy, functioning member of society. No, she could not live in society anymore, SOCIETY had made her this way. But it wasn’t just her appearance that had changed, for the traumatic experience made her soul become as twisted as her hair. She was not an innocent, kawaii anime girl, now she was a cruel, yandere anime girl.

Her heart had been brutally ripped out, mutilated by the one and only Ben Shapiro. She wouldn’t let that happen again. From now on, she’d make sure her lover wouldn’t dare to even look at someone else, and her dark, evil mind was already cooking up some tricky schemes…

No longer was she Hatsune Miku, oh no no no, she was something far more terrifying. Her mouth didn’t move yet it uttered a single word, a threat to shiver the timbers of anyone who heard it.

“Mikudayo.”

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“W-what? Where the fuck am I?!” the high-pitched voice yelled out in shock like a chipmunk. Maybe because he was a chipmunk.

Alvin, the (somehow) beloved children’s character, had woken up inside a dark basement! A smooth rope restrained his tiny body to a terribly creaky wooden chair. And not just a normal chair, oh no no, it’s a comically large one so he looked even smaller and pest-like. He gasped for air, yet it was so suffocating and thick it provided little comfort and he might as well have strangled himself if his arms weren't already tied back. Gosh, what sort of elephant would need a chair so large? And now that his eyes were beginning to adjust to the dark, the rope was painted blue-ish for some reason?

“O-okay, c’mon think! Which one of my millions of adoring fans kidnapped me? What was I doing before…?”

His mind raced as fast as something of such a small size could, which was not very fast because he was both physically TINY and also somehow a GIANT idiot.

"W-well I was at that event! But how could someone be so cruel, and just snatch a poor little chipmunk like me? And there were so many people too... But surely someone noticed I'd gone missing! What time is it now anyways? Oh gosh do I wish I hadn't left my handy watch behind before leaving!"

Somehow, Alvin managed to continue yapping his stupid monologue for a solid TEN MINUTES, and I refuse to give him the privilege of even more mind-numbing dialogue as there is already too much in the world. So I will skip forward a bit to when stuff actually start to happen.

“Help!! Is anyone out there?? Please, I’m trapped!”

A light flickers eerily in the distance and Alvin almost faints.

“Hello? Is someone there? Who are you? Where am I? What-”

WHAM!

A knife flies shockingly fast past Alvin and into the chair, the blade completely embedded in the wood. His peanut-sized heart pounded, sweat dripped down his furry forehead and he became even uglier than usual. Alvin decided it would be rather wise to shut the fuck up, but still risked squinting at the blurry silhouette.

“Mikudayo.”

Alvin nearly shits himself.

“Mikudayo.”

At first only her open smile was visible, but she stepped forward and the rest of her disproportionate body was slowly revealed. She remained eerily still in the darkness and Alvin wasn’t sure if she was real or a hallucination. Her large blue eyes stared straight into his, sending shivers down his short spine. As if she could see every thought passing his mind and sense every emotion he felt. As if she was looking right into his soul. As if she wasn’t even human.

“Mikudayo .”

She took another step forward.

“Mikudayo .”

Another clunky step. Honestly, it was more like awkward waddling and would’ve been hilarious if she hadn’t just fucking kidnapped him.

“Mikudayo .”

Wow, was she terrifying up close, towering over the tiny chipmunk! His heartbeat quickened so much he thought he’d die of a heart-attack if she didn’t get to him first. One arm slowly lifted to clumsily pet his head, nearly poking out his eye. Alvin dared not to duck or complain.

“Mikudayo.”

“Alvin.”

“Together.”

That’s when Alvin silently fainted.

“Forever.”

A dart zips through the air and lands straight into Alvin’s shoulder. Not that it matters considering he’s already conscious (what a waste). Mikudayo whips around, alertly scanning the dark like a hawk to find the intruder . 

“Mikudayo…?!”

A lamp flickers on and a fat boy no older than 9 is suddenly in front of her, seated comfortably in a beat-up office chair. In his lap lies a tranquilizer gun, and on his head a blue beanie with a yellow puff-ball. Aura radiates off him threateningly, as if he's the one in control now.

“Well, well, well. Looks like we meet again, Hatsune Miku. You might not know me but you’ll find that I know you very well. See, I've been watching your every move for a while now."

He smugly grins up at her with a face only a mother could love.

"Does the name Cartman ring any bells?”