Archive of Our Own ^beta

“From up here, you look like ants in a row!” 

“Um,” Tony Stark stared up at the boy hanging upside-down from the ceiling of the very high Avengers’ meeting room. “Can ya...can ya get down, bud?” 

“I don’t get it,” Clint chimed from Tony’s side. “Can’t you just, I don’t know- use one of your fancy suits to get him down?” 

Tony frowned. “F.R.I.D.A.Y... doesn’t seem to be answering me right now...?” 

“She’s having a tea party with Karen!” Peter yelled down. 

“How does that even happen?” 

“Your guess is as good as mine, Legolas.” 

“So that the author can keep the plot going!” A suspiciously Deadpool-sounding voice piped up from the window. Immediately, Hawkeye had his bow drawn and an arrow pinning the very top of the mercenary’s mask to the windowsill. “Wow, hostile much?!” Deadpool proclaimed, his white eyes thinning in judgement at the other men. “I’m just here to check in on my sweet baby boy. How’re you doing up there Spidey?” 

“I’m great! Everyone is upside-down for some reason, which is a bit rude.” 

“You’re right, it is rude. Get on his level, guys.” Deadpool’s body rotated and floated upward, the only thing keeping him in place being the arrow stuck through his mask. Clint’s eyes widened to the size of dinnerplates. 

“How the- you two are the ones that are upside-down!” Tony exclaimed. He was no stranger to the boy’s antics, yet something in his soul (and yes, he had a soul despite being a billionaire, Strange confirmed it for him) told him that something wasn’t quite normal.  

“Achoo! ” A geometric piece of webbing fell from the ceiling and onto Tony’s shoe. “Woah, that’s never happened before!” Peter looked so happy. Tony felt dead inside. 

“Peter are you...” 

“High? Very much so!” Deadpool interrupted. 

“He’s high?!” Clint yelled. “What the Hell, Peter! Ya didn’t save an- oufgh!” A sharp elbow jabbed into his ribcage. 

Tony’s expression dropped and his voice lowered. “Deadpool...how did you know that...” 

“...” 

 
“Deadpool...” 

“...I-” 

“You what. ” 

“I gave him the wrong brownie, okay!” 

Both Clint and Tony stared at Deadpool. Clint was struggling to keep in his laughter while Tony gave a look that would’ve incinerated Deadpool’s body had he not been immortal. 

Deadpool stared at Tony, already accepting his fate, murmuring out a little prayer: “fanfiction gods...please...save me...”