Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Caoimhe: Kwee - Va

Niamh: Nee- Uv

Maeve: Mave

Eoin: Owen

Cillian: Kill-Ean 

Cian: Kee - An

Also just a warning I'm not Irish, so if I use any of the slang of make references that don't make sense, just let me know :)

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Friday, June 16th:

Spencer Holland:

"Is that all?" I ask, rubbing my hands together, my palms sweaty from the anxiety inducing meeting I've just had to sit through.

My neck cranes to look at the creaky vent that's not doing anything to help the temperature, if anything it's just circulating the sticky hot weather.

"This is serious, Miss Holland," my principal reiterates, as if I'm not able to fully grasp the gravity of being expelled from school. I wanted to scream at the injustice of it all.

"If you can give us anymore information on the matter, we could look at reducing your punishment," Mr. Tierney prods again, hoping maybe this time I'll budge, that I'll let something slip.

"Nope, I take full responsibility, I acted alone," I say, and given the way we're looking at each other, we both know it's a blatant lie, but what can he do?

What can I do?

Nothing.

We both know it's my brother who should be here, but his punishment wouldn't stop at an expulsion, he would wind up in prison and that wouldn't help anyone.

"Due to the nature of the crime, you won't be allowed anywhere near BCS," Mr. Tierney continues, one last stitch-effort to get me to confess my lack of involvement.

The material of my jean shorts ride up and my thighs stick to the cheap leather seat, but I don't fidget.

"Which means you're not going to be anywhere near your camogie team," he adds, sympathy lacing his tone, "and I know what the team means to you."

He has me there.

When I first started attending BCS, I wanted to join the hurling team, but it's not offered for girls, so I had no choice but to join a camoge team.

It's basically hurling with a few adjustments, mainly the size of the sticks we use.

BCS however did not have a team.

So I lobbied for it, fundraised my ass off, and by my third year at BCS, we had raised enough money for equipment and the fees to enter in tournaments.

We didn't have enough for a coach, and none of the staff were willing, so I took on the role, my friend Meghan fulfilling the role of Assistant Coach, while I was Coach/Team Manager.

We get no support from the school, not financial or otherwise, so we do everything ourselves. Constant bake sales, car washes, flat out asking businesses to sponsor us, and part of my pay cheque from working at the cafe. Although the team doesn't actually know about that last part.

None of the girls pay a fee or anything, but if they're more well off they can provide their own gear, but if they can't we don't make a big deal about it, we just fundraise a little harder.

I arrange car pool for the games, and make sure everyone has a ride there and back.

My girls, my team, they rely on me, and now I won't be there.

I won't be there for my senior year.

"What if I coach them outside of school grounds?" I ask, giving him an inch for the first time in this meeting.

"If you want the team to no longer be associated with the school," he says his tone clipped, he knows we need the school affiliation even if they don't help us, we need a school to register our team under, "and no fundraising either, we can't have your reputation anywhere near those girls, or this school."

"You know how unfair this is right? This isn't even about me, the whole team suffers if I'm not there, if I can't help," I say my voice growing louder and more frustrated, and I'm slowly rising out of my seat, so I can stand looking down at him.

"You should have thought about that before you did what you did," he replies sternly, "or if you've suddenly had a change of heart, you could tell me who's really responsible."

I slump back into my seat, my lips firmly pressed together, not offering so much as a look in his direction.

He sighs, his gaze softening, "I can't say I understand you Spencer, you had everything stacked against you in life, and yet you came to school, you do well, you go out of your way for your team, you've given those girls, some of who, don't have much or anything to look forward to, something to be apart of, to be proud of," he stops, locking eyes with me, "and you throw all of it away to protect your family, who as far as I can tell, haven't done shit for you."

I hate this.

I've always gotten along with Mr. Tierney, we had a sort of mutual respect for each other.

I didn't blame him for what he was doing, I was blaming the world for putting me in this position.

"You're a smart girl, with potential and grit," he says, the last part with emphasis, "I don't want to see you not live up to what you're capable of, because of your family."

There was no clarification necessary, everyone knew my uncle Shane Holland who was in and out of jail, they knew my parents, my brothers, and now they knew me too.

I look down at my hands, rethinking everything, but I can't let Charlie and Cole down, I can't let Cole rot in prison, knowing I could've done something.

"Can I come to the games?" I ask quietly, already knowing the answer.

He breathes, knowing his speech didn't change my mind, "no Spencer, you can't."

I stand up, willing the tears threatening to come loose to stay and offer him a nod, "I'm sorry for this."

"Me too, Spence, me too."

I step out of his office, feeling like a ten pound weight has been lodged in my throat and absentmindedly walk down the hallway, exiting through the front doors for the last time.

I already cleared out my locker this morning, knowing what was coming.

Cole, was waiting, leaning against his truck, smoking a cigarette, dropping his head back, watching as the smoke billowed up in the air.

He stamps it out with his shoe as I move closer to him, "how'd it go?" he asks, worry clear in his face.

I shrug, "as expected."

"The team?" He asks.

I shake my head, I figured this would be apart of my punishment, but I didn't want to admit it was a possibility.

"Shit, Spence, I'm so fucking sorry," he says and I can tell he means it.

We were both born into this life unwilling. Stuck in our unfortunate circumstances. Stuck in this life, where everything we wanted was continually ripped out of our hands.

No matter how hard we tried to hold on.

We get into his truck, him driving and me in the passenger seat.

"Look, I've been calling around and well, no public school wants to touch you with a ten foot pole," he says.

"What if I commuted out of Ballylaggin?" I ask.

"Yeah, no one wants you, kid," he says ruffling my hair, trying to ease the tension in here.

"So what? I just won't graduate?" I ask, "maybe I could get my GED still," I wonder out loud, not wanting to go through life without a diploma.

"No, you're finishing school, Spencer," he says, his tone resolute, "there's a spot open for you in the fall."

"Where?" I ask.

"Tommen."

My eyes bulge out of their sockets, "with what money Cole?"

"I took on a few extra jobs," he says.

"Cole no," I say quickly.

For that kind of money, those 'extra jobs' had to be dangerous, as in my expulsion would all be for nothing, because Uncle Shane will have him in prison within the week.

"Don't worry about it, it's my fault you got in trouble," I can't argue with that.

"Cole-"

"No Spence, it's my choice, and you're going," he states.

"What did Charlie say?" I ask.

"Don't worry about Charlie, I'll deal with him," he drums his fingers along the worse for wear steering wheel, "besides, he always says you're the only one getting out of here, he'll understand."

I sink farther into my seat, my eyes traveling over the dust on the dash board, "they're going to kill me there."

"You can take on a couple of rich pricks," he says but his face is less confident than his voice.

"The whole rugby team?" I ask, "why should I be worried?" I muse sarcastically. "Maybe, because they think I'm the reason their whole team got suspended and wasn't allowed to compete in their precious championships."

Cole's gaze drops, "fuck, I'm sorry, Spence, everything is just so messed up right now," and then he adds, "and you'll be fine," he says, although I think he's trying to assure himself more than he is me now.

We pull up to our apartment, the rent paid for by the jobs that Charlie and Cole did for our uncle.

Our parents were long gone, and we were on our own.

I hated what my brothers had to do for the money, but I also was incredibly grateful we didn't have to live with our uncle, because that would be true hell.

I climb out of the truck and made my way up to our cramped two bedroom apartment.

Cole and I made dinner together in silence, because we both knew the trouble that was awaiting me in the fall.

I had three months and then I was getting thrown into the lion's den.

Chapter Text

Three Months Later:

Monday, September 4th:

Spencer:

It was my first day at the prestigious Tommen school and I was nervous.

I was generally confident in most aspects of my life, I didn't scare easily. If I wanted something I worked for it, if someone didn't like me, their loss.

But this was different.

Tommen worshipped the ground that their coveted rugby team walked on.

And they thought I sold half of the team drugs and ruined last year's season.

If I had learnt one thing about Tommen students in my many years of living in Ballylaggin, it was that they were protective over their athletes, and if the few public run ins I had had over the summer were any indicator, it was going to be a long year.

It wasn't as if my brother had held them at gun point to buy the drugs, they did so of their own free will, and then had to face the consequences.

But that wasn't the story their family's fancy lawyers spun, and long story short, they painted me an evil villain seductress who pressured them into buying drugs, that they otherwise wouldn't have gone near.

Despite the real story being that one of the lads approached my brother, already knowing who he worked for and arranged for 'supplies' for over the half the team, which they took readily.

It was in no way my brother's fault for them getting caught.

And it sure as hell wasn't mine.

But that's how these things went right? The poor girl from the wrong side of the tracks gets all the blame, and the rich kids get a pat on the wrist, and made out to be the victim.

I walked on the pavement surrounding the school, trying my best not to rearrange my skirt a million times over, or pick at my uncomfortable black tights.

I had to keep my head up high.

Because I was already going in as known drug dealer, despite never having done a single job for my uncle, and public enemy number one.

As I walked in the door, the stares directed at me were distracting.

I felt like a fish in a bowl, except everyone really hates fish all of a sudden, and bowls are now the fiery pits of Hell.

It felt like everyone in this damned school was whispering about me, and the worst part was that they probably were.

I held on to the straps of my backpack and tried my best to block them all out as I made my way to the school office.

The hallways were pristine, the proud Tommen crest displayed frequently as if they needed a reminder at every turn where they were.

"Hi, my name's Spencer Holland," I say although judging by the look of distaste on her face, the older secretary already knows. "I was told to come here for a schedule, and a map."

"Is that so?" She asks, and I read her name badge, Marge.

"Yep."

"No need to sass me," Marge says her jaw set, like she was morally offended by me taking up space in her precious school.

Who was going to tell her, that just because she's employed here it doesn't mean she's apart of their rugby team.

"I wasn't Ma'am, I just don't want to be late for my first day."

"You should know, we're implementing a drug testing policy this year," she smiles.

"For everyone?"

She shakes her head like I just I made a joke, "only students of interest."

"What about staff of interest?" I ask, feigning innocence.

"You're on thin ice, young lady," she says her tone suddenly dropping, "if it were up to me, you wouldn't be allowed within a mile of this fine school."

I practically have to rip the paper schedule out of her hand, because she's gripping it so tight. "Well, it's a good thing it's not up to you then, isn't it?"

She hands me a map reluctantly and when I try to leave, she stops me, "not so fast, you need to talk to someone first."

"Who?" I ask.

"The person who it's up to," she smirks, and gestures a large door, a black and gold plaque reading Headmaster Twomey.

With my papers in hand, I walk up to the daunting door, knocking twice before Tommen's headmaster greets me.

"Miss Holland," he's not outright frowning, but I can tell it's taking some effort for him maintain a face of indifference.

"Mr. Twomey," I mimic.

"Please, have a seat," he says gesturing to the chairs placed in front of his desk. At least I know this can't be worse than the last time I was in the principal's office, being told I couldn't be on my camogie team anymore.

"Now, looking at your records, you seem to be adept at most subjects, and are active in your school community, your teachers give varying reviews of you," he runs his fingers through his thin grey hair, "can you enlighten me on why that is."

I maintain eye contact, no matter how awkward it feels, he doesn't get to see me squirm, "I'm more of a respect is earned type of person."

"So, if you're instructor doesn't respect you, you'll what? Disrupt their classroom."

"No, I'm not disruptive."

He sighs, considering how much this whole scandal would have disrupted his life, I mean hell, the news got brought to a national level.

"I looked through your brothers' files as well," he says, as if that's normal.

"I don't see the relevance-"

"Your brother Cole, performed poorly, not due to lack of intelligence but inconsistent attendance, attention issues in class, and frankly he just didn't try, eventually dropping out in year four."

Why was he telling me stuff I literally lived through?

"Your oldest brother Charlie, was a committed student, quiet, kept his head down, scored above average and yet, he dropped out in his last semester, just a few more months before he could get his diploma."

"Sir, I still don't see the relevance."

"None of your siblings have diplomas, why are you here?" He asks.

"Did you ask any of the other students that?" I ask, "and don't sit there and judge Charlie, he 'dropped out' as you call it, because our parents died and suddenly he had custody of two kids, so algebra and history weren't big priorities for him," my tone is even and cool but on the inside I'm burning up, "and Cole started working when he was nine years old, so yeah, he didn't see the value of a diploma."

"Miss Holland, I didn't mean to offend-"

"Well you did," I say, "I've paid to be here, and unless you have a valid reason to stop me from attending this overpriced snobby school then leave me be."

"I understand, just know you will have to perform a drug test by the end of the week," he says, almost regrettably.

"Just me?"

"Well you and students-"

"Of interest?" I finish for him. "I'll take your test, and then you won't even know I'm here, I won't be a disruption, just don't treat me like a criminal."

"Of course," he says standing up walking me over to his door, opening it to let me out, but when he does I'm met with three pairs of intense eyes.

Their heights are daunting, all with athletic builds and good looks well beyond their years.

"Spencer?" The tallest one asks, his eyes so dark they're practically black, and a sort of sadistic grin pulls at his features.

The other two, look to me then, their gazes downright murderous. One with blonde hair, the strands messy and unkept, running his tongue over his bottom lip.

But the one standing in the middle catches my eye right way. His deep blue eyes are haunting, and his brown hair and boy next door features are almost hypnotic. I know him to be Rory Kavanagh, son of rugby legend, Johnny Kavanagh, and the boy whose career I supposedly ruined.

I grimace, as all of them step back to make room for me to walk through, all of their eyes never leaving me.

At 5'8" I'm rarely considered short, but right now I feel miniscule, and I'm pretty sure it's not even their sizes, it's the way they're glaring at me so intensely.

The blonde one takes note of the map, I'm holding onto a little too tightly. "Hey Twomey, if the new girl needs a tour guide, we'd be more than happy to help."

"I'll be fine," I say, and they look almost a little surprised I'm not cowering from them, no matter how intimidating they are. And by the look of it, they know they're intimidating. "Nice talking to you, Mr. Twomey," I say swiftly turning the other direction, still feeling the heat of their glares, and glance back once more, "and, sir, from what I've heard on the news these three are definitely of interest."

Chapter Text

Monday, September 4th:

Spencer:

I run my fingers over my paper schedule, seeing they gave me music class first block. I had registered too late to choose my classes, and it seems my new friend Marge had some fun with my electives. 

I just shrug and use the map I was given to get to the music room. It's not set up like a traditional classroom, there's stacks of chairs you take and then you can sit wherever you want. Naturally no one sits anyone near me. 

BCS had a band class, but this was different. Those kids picked an instrument in year one and kept with it, like the flute or trumpet, but this was just 'music' class. 

After a few minutes our teacher walks in, and my heart almost stops. 

How did I not know Katie Feely was the music teacher at Tommen? I quite literally had just pulled out my earbuds listening to her band's last album. 

I knew she was from Cork but I didn't know she worked here. It seemed beneath her. 

She brushes back a few pieces of her signature red hair, "hello class, my name is Mrs. Feely, and I'll be your music teacher this semester."

How was I the only one not freaking the fuck out?

She starts going over the syllabus, explaining how well studying the history of music, music in film, learning to read it, and in a surprising turn we're learning the recorder. 

Suddenly the door flies open and the familiar blonde boy walks right through, not caring he's over fifteen minutes late. 

"Sorry Kit-Kat," he smiles grabbing a chair from the pile. 

She glares, "Mr. Gibson, you want to try again?"

"Ew, Mr. Gibson is my father, you can call me Sir Gibson though," he winks, but she is not amused, "I apologize Mrs. Feely, I was late because I was talking with Principal Twommey."

"Much better, take a seat please," she says like she kind of wants to laugh but is holding it together. 

I look away from the crazy blonde boy but it's kind of hard when he drags his chair right beside me, and plops down. 

I stiffen but keep my shoulders square. I knew he was just trying to intimidate me, I had grown up around the worst of the worst type of people. And this privileged rugby boy didn't scare me. 

Mrs. Feely continues on talking about movie scores and how our first project will be a picking a movie and analyzing the different songs, and how they play into the storytelling. Easy enough. 

With about five minutes left of the class, she forces us into an icebreaker where each person in the class has to describe a song that would describe a moment in their life. Basically, if our lives were being broadcasted, what song would the editors play. 

She starts, "I would have U2's 'With or Without You' playing as a backdrop to when I was getting to know my now husband."

Some people go, and when it's my turn Quinn very loudly gives me a suggestion, "Drug Dealer by Macklemore?"

I grimace, but ignore him, "'Electric Love' by Børns for last year when my camogie team won our championships."

Quinn side eyes me but I just smile slyly, thankfully our championships had been in May rather than June, and I was still apart of the team at that point. 

Quinn goes next, "this morning when I met a girl, Slipknot's 'The Devil in I.'" I scoff, but don't say anything else. 

Mrs. Feely eyes him but just moves onto the next student, and we continue on like that for the remaining minutes of the class. 

When the bell finally rings, I pack up immediately avoiding this Gibson boy, stacking my chair, and I'm easily the first one out of the classroom.

It's not that I'm running from him, it's just that I don't waste my time on him, and if I give into little reaction, then I'm going to be a target all year, and I don't want that. 

My next class is Maths, and I walk in to the already full room, all the seats are taken, except for one beside a sweet looking blonde girl, her eyes are so blue they're almost grey, and she's got this sort of ethereal- fairy esque look about her. 

I sit beside her, and to my surprise she offers me a quick smile before turning back to the front of the room. 

I think maybe I've found someone decent in this hive of assholes but when I say hi to her, she doesn't even look my way. I try again thinking maybe she didn't hear me, but when I go as far to even tell her my name, and she acts as if I don't even exist, I decide to stop trying, and the very genuine looking smile must have been a mistake. 

"Sure, just act like I don't exist then," I whisper, and still nothing. "Very mature."

"Good morning class," a harsh looking older woman greets us, "this is year six maths honours."

Gotta love Marge, the saint that she was put me in honours academics, I'm guessing so I would flunk out, but she doesn't know how just her thinking I can't handle honours courses is going to light the fire under me to pass with flying fucking colours. 

"This class is extremely difficult, if you think you can't handle it, decide now."

No one leaves, and she nods like she wanted at least a couple kid to scare away from her icy exterior. 

"Okay, that was your last chance," she grimaces. 

"Wow, she is quite the people person," I say to my rude table partner, "right?" knowing I won't get an answer, some people...

"My name is Ms. Chambers," figures that the ogre of the athletics head at BCS was married or related to this lady. 

"I think Umbridge fits her better," I say to my desk partner, "you know from Harry Potter."

Ms. Chambers/Umbridge's eyes dart to mine all of a sudden and then to the girl beside me looking uneasily at the both of us. 

"Uh, do you need me to..." She asks the girl looking suddenly unsure, and gestures to a piece of paper. 

The girl beside me shakes her head, offering her an uneasy smile.  

What was going on at Tommen, genuinely?

"Okay, just let me know," she says over annunciating her words all of a sudden, "in your way."

In your way...

I lean forward in my desk and turn my head to look the girl beside me in the eye, and then she smiles at me like I'm being weird, but not in an agitated sense, more of an intrigued look. 

She finally turns to me and puts a hand to her chest and then one to her ear. 

She's deaf, and I feel like a fucking asshole. 

"My name's Spencer," I sign, and hear eyes light up. 

She signs back, "I'm Evelyn, but my friends call me Eve or Evie."

"Nice to meet you," and I put my hand out to shake hers. 

"How do you know how to sign?" She asks. 

"My grandmother lost her hearing when she was a teenager and she practically raised me when I was young," I explain, "my first word was actually grandma in sign."

She smiles brightly, "so you're fluent?"

"Yes, but my grandmother lives in a care home now, so I don't get to use it as much I used to," I explain, "useful with my brothers though."

She nods and then we both look around realizing that every single person in the room is watching us. 

"Sorry," I sign, "you probably don't want to associate with me," I say, and gesture to the people enamoured by us just having a conversation. 

"Most days, I can only have real discussions with my parents, so I will definitely be associating with you," and then she adds quickly, "if you want to, that is."

"I'd love to," I say not caring about the people looking at us, "but just so you know I'm not very well liked at this school."

"I'm a bit of an outcast too," she says. 

I nudge her shoulder, "I'd much rather not fit in, in this place."

She nods in agreement, and we turn back to the board. 

"You can understand her?" Ms. Chambers asks shocked, like we had just communicated in our alien mother tongue or something. 

"Yeah," I say back, absentmindedly signing as well. 

"So you can translate for her?" She asks hopefully. 

Evelyn taps on my shoulder now, and I look to her, "I don't need that, I can read her lips fine."

"Yeah with the way she speaks, I think the space station can pick up on what she says," I say and we both laugh.

"What are you saying?" Ms. Chambers demands. 

"She's good with reading lips, but I'm here in case she misses something," I say, signing as well. 

Ms. Chamber nods, "okay then."

We then go through the most boring syllabus I've ever laid my eyes on, but things are made significantly better with my new friend Eve. Not to mention, when we got bored we would just ask each other random questions to get to know one another better, and Ms. Chambers just thought I was translating stuff for her. 

By the end of the class, I'm very much tired of this class, but happy I've met Eve.  

"Do you want to eat lunch with me? You can meet my best friend, I bet she'd love you," Eve offers and I readily accept the offer. 

I definitely thought this would be an eating lunch in the bathroom type of day. 

Chapter Text

Monday, September 4th:

Spencer:

When we sit in the cafeteria, I meet Eve's best friend, Juliet, and she is not who I was expecting. I was expecting a quiet nerd to be honest, but she's got an edge to her that's the complete opposite of Eve.

Her hair is dark with faint hot pink streaks that you can barely notice at first, a nose piercing, and an eyebrow piercing, dark black makeup with two little gems on the outer corners of her eyes, lots of black jewelry and black nails.

"Hi, I'm Juliet," she introduces herself, shaking my hand, "but most people call me Jules," I immediately catch an accent.

"Are you American?" I ask.

"Yep, moved here in grade seven," she says, brushing her hair out of her face, which is angular and ethereal in her own type of way, "year one, sorry."

I can't help but think that Evelyn and Juliet look like a Barbie and a Monster High Doll. 

"I got what you mean," I say sitting down. "Why'd you move?" I ask, signing as well.

"My dad's work," she says, signing as well, not quite fluent and not up to pace with the rest of her words.

"Do you like it here?" I ask.

"The food was hard to get used to, but overall I like it," she says.

"That's good," I say, opening up the sandwich Charlie packed for me.

We all discuss if we have siblings, our parents' careers, and compare schedules.

Jules has a five year old little brother named James, and Eve's an only child.

Jules father is a big time graphic designer, and her mother stays at home, and Eve's father is in some type of investing firm, from the sound of it, she is loaded, and her mom teaches sign language courses in the community, that Juliet's been attending.

I only have to one course with Eve, but I do have biology next block with Jules.

Out of nowhere I feel something hit the back of my head, and when I turn around, I see something threw an apple at my head.

"Jesus, are you okay?" Jules asks.

I rub the back of my head looking for the aggressor, "yeah, I've been hit by a lot worse."

Jules and Eve give me a concerned look.

"I play camogie," I explain. "Or I guess I played."

They both visibly relax.

I pick up the apple from the floor and put it on the table, to throw out later, no need for staff to clean up after these brats.

"Hey Holland!" I turn to the see a boy I don't know, "did your mam take drugs while she was pregnant with you?"

I look to him in confusion, "no."

"Are you sure?"

I turn back to my table, "was that supposed to be funny?"

"Just ignore them," Jules says, "they just don't have go anything else in their lives besides precious rugby."

Eve laughs, "says the one cheerleading for all their games."

She grimaces, "that is my sport, it's not out of love or respect for those assholes."

"You're a cheerleader?" I ask.

"Yes, I know it's hilarious a goth cheerleader," she says, aggressively skewering a piece of carrot with her fork.

"I didn't mean that, I just didn't even know Tommen had a cheer team," I say.

"Yeah, it's kinda new, apparently they used to have like four girls per grade, so it wasn't worth it, but now that it's almost equal we've got one."

"Jules is really good," Eve comments, "she's a co-captain."

"I'm impressed," I say.

"Yeah whatever," she grumbles.

"No, I mean it," I reiterate, "that's really fucking cool."

"Thanks," she smiles shyly, very at odds with her whole look.

"I think that was the first time I ever signed 'fuck'," I muse, "my grandmother would faint if I did that in front of her."

Our table erupts in laughs and I barely notice as three shadows start to loom over us.

"You gonna eat this?" Quinn asks, gesturing to the apple from the floor.

"Have at it," and he does, taking large bites not wondering where it had been.

"You know that's the one that just got launched at Spence's head right?" Jules asks incredulously.

"I do have eyes, Julie," he grins back, "no use wasting a perfectly good fruit."

Suddenly another object gets hurled at me, this time a banana to my back, which thankfully doesn't hurt as much.

"My lucky day," Quinn bends down to pick it up and starts peeling it.

"Did you forget to feed him or something?" Jules asks Rory and the other boy standing beside him, who gave me the chills just looking at him.

"How could our number one fan be all friendly with this girl?" Rory asks.

"When I'm on top of those pyramids I'm cheering for one of you three to fall, tripping on one of your rugby shaped heads."

Quinn grabs his head, feeling around his skull, "it's average."

"Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've had to argue that?" Jules says sarcastically.

Another fruit comes flying this time it's too far to the right of me and it's going right for Evelyn's unsuspecting perfect head.

I try to stand up to intercept it, but someone beats me to it.

The dark eyed boy doesn't just push it away from her, he catches it a couple inches from her head.

"Thanks, Kieran," she signs, I guess that was his name.

I genuinely don't know how Eve was smiling at him, he kind of scared me, he just had this sort of haunting aura. 

"You're welcome," he signs back. Huh, was not expecting that.

"You two shouldn't be befriending Holland," Rory says, talking as if I wasn't here.

"You know the rugby team isn't a monarchy right?" Jules asks, "just because you declare for everyone to leave her alone, doesn't me we have to."

"She ruined my career," Rory says glaring at me harshly.

"You ruined your career," I snap back.

Was it going to be a whole year of this? I fought not to roll my eyes. 

He rears back like I slapped him, "do you even know what you did?"

"Your team wanted drugs," I say, "you could've gotten them from anywhere."

"I never touched them," he says, "none of us did," he gestures to the other two lads, although Quinn is busy trying to steal a carrot from Juliet, and Kieran is just staring at Eve.

"Are you a rabbit or something? Jesus," Jules says trying to close her container of vegetables.

"Yeah," he says sadly, "they took my ears though, but left the tail," he perks up, "wanna see?"

Juliet just groans, conceding and giving him a carrot stick. 

"How is that my problem?" I ask, going back to Rory, feeling annoyed at his entitlement, it's not like I forced his teammates to consume those drugs, there was no coercion. 

"You're the reason they got caught," he says.

Three more people join us then, a guy looking like the younger version of Rory who looked kind of familiar, accompanied by two blonde girls who are out of this world pretty.

"Hey Con," Rory greets.

Quinn moves to put his arms around the two girls, "Erin," he says to the one on the left, "Addie."

Con, I'm guessing is short for Connor, looks to me then, recognition flashing in his features, "hey, I know you."

"That's-" Erin starts but Connor keeps speaking.

"I've seen you play, you're great," he says, "my coach had my whole hurling team watch you last year at Championships, he constantly compares us to you."

I laugh, "I thought I recognized you, you're the hurling team captain right?"

"Yeah, whenever we have a breakaway, it's always, 'was it a Spencer breakaway, though?"

"Thanks," I say, wondering how he's completely oblivious to the stares he's getting from the other people around us, especially Rory. "You're great too, I taught my team the warm ups I've seen you doing."

He grins, "the guys are going to be jealous as fuck, knowing I'm partially responsible for 'the Spencer Breakaway.'"

I'm usually pretty hard on myself for my playing, but I know the breakaway he's talking about and it was fucking sweet. And won us the whole damn thing, got me MVP too. 

"Connor this is Spencer," Rory says, and Connor looks confused, "Spencer Holland."

"I know," he says easily, "she's a celebrity for GAA, I've told you about her, you know, the girl in the newspaper article that Mam cried when she read."

Are they brothers?

"Con-"

"You said she was cool when we were talking about her."

"She's the drug dealer," Erin says barely holding in her laughter, but I don't sense judgment exactly.

"I know," he reiterates, "she can be a drug dealer and a GAA legend all at once, guys," he says, "just like how Rory can be an asshole and still be the 'future of rugby.'"

"She's the reason I can't be the 'future of rugby' as you say," he says.

"Have a little faith," I say, standing up from my table, "try focusing on your game a little more than your public persona."

His face drops and I can tell I've struck a nerve, and thankfully Eve and Juliet are already getting up to leave with me.

"It's all your fault," he says like a broken record.

"Well this was fun, lovely meeting you Connor," I say, and nod to the two blonde girls that have moved to be on either side of him. 

"Nice meeting you," the three of them chorus, and the rugby heads as Juliet calls them glare right at me and then at Connor, Erin, and Addie.

I walk out with my new friends.

"Damn, I'm glad we're friends," Jules says.

"Me too," Eve signs.

And I smile back, but I know it might seem like I'm all easy confidence and quick jokes but I doubt they're ready to deal with that type of thing happening everyday. 

But I'm a little selfish, and I'll hang on until they decide it's too much. 

Chapter Text

Monday, September 4th:

Spencer:

I followed Juliet into the science room, beyond grateful I would have a partner now if we had to do any type of experiment.

We settle into our tables, shiny sinks positioned at every table, along with two bunsen burners, drawers you could pull out, and high chairs.

I felt like I was in a real lab, and not the lame excuse BCS had for a science lab. Last year Mr. Wickham took us out to the back field and lit random pieces of metal on fire, as our big end of semester 'experiment.'

"Fuck this is nice," I comment running my hands over the unblemished counters.

"Jesus, get a room," Juliet chuckles.

Before I can say anything back our teacher is greeting us, and I know it's probably disrespectful to say this, which was why I was only thinking it. But damn, he was hot.

He smiles at the class, wearing black dress pants, a taupe coloured button down, and a black tie, "My name is Mr. Fane, and I will be teaching you year six Biology."

Juliet leans down a little to mumble something to me, "am I the only one blushing right now?"

I can't help but laugh a little, "I was thinking the same thing."

"Girls," Mr. Fane chides, but thankfully leaves it at that. "Now moving onto the more important thing," did he really even say anything? "Tommen is participating in a canned food drive, one of Tommen's million part plan to regain public favour," he says, and I half expect him to give me a dry look but he doesn't even look my way. "And to incentivize this initiative, there will be a competition between classes, and lucky you lot, this is your team," he says gesturing to the whole class.

"Why not our homerooms?" A girl in first row asks, without raising her hand.

"I missed that staff meeting," he answers easily, "but nevertheless this is very important to me, and thus very important to all of you, now we all know it's not about getting first place and some mediocre pizza party, can someone tell me what it's really about?"

The same girl speaks up, this time raising her hand, "helping those in need, and those less fortunate than us."

Someone behind pulls on my ponytail, but I just bring the hair to my shoulder and continue listening. 

He shakes his head, "that is a definite bonus, but the true goal is beating Em's class."

"Who?" I ask.

"Mrs. Lynch, the new costume design teacher, some of you may have the misfortune of having, made up class by the way," he explains, "I don't care if we get second to last, as long as that witch gets dead last."

The girl raises her hand again, "aren't you her daughter's godfather?"

My eyes rear back to this weird teacher, was he even qualified?

"My husband is Annie's godfather," he says, Annie must be Mrs. Lynch's daughter.

"I saw her get out of your car this morning," another student calls out.

"I have a degree in environmental science children, of course I'm going to carpool with my neighbour."

"Why didn't she just take her broom?" I call out.

He points to me, like I just made a scientific breakthrough, "you get it," he smiles, "I already like you."

"I'm a little lost right now," I whisper to Juliet.

"Given all the drama with Tommen last year," she looks a little awkwardly at me for a second but continues, "a bunch of parents were going to pull their kids out, so they promised all these programs and stuff, and the PAC president got Emily Lynch to teach some classes for the year."

"Should I know who that is?"

She rears back shocked, "she won an Oscar three years ago, for costume design, she's like a major person in the film and theatre community, I'm in her first block, and she is genuinely so cool."

"Why's she teaching at Tommen then?" I whisper back. 

Mr. Fane's speaking again, "she may trick you into liking her, with her prestigious awards, and the fact that she has Steven Spielberg in her contacts, but always remember that she is a demon, first and foremost."

"Should you be talking about another teacher like that?" A boy in the back row asks, and I look back to see it's none other than Rory Kavanagh sitting in the back row, beside Kieran Ryan.

"Ah, I see she's already got to you, it might be to late for you, legally you have to tell me if you're a spy for her."

He just laughs. "I'm her nephew, I won't be saying a word to you."

And then there's a knock at the door, and a petite blonde woman is standing in the doorway, wearing a light pink dress and a serious expression on her face, "William, may we have a word."

Mr. Fane jumps like a ghost has just appears, "speak of the devil and she doth appear."

He walks over to her and she pulls him out of the classroom a little harshly, and I catch the beginning of their conversation, "did you tell my second block class to refer to me as Mrs. De-vil?"

I turn back to Juliet to answer my question from before.

"Well you know... Lynch... a bunch of her nieces and nephews go here, and plus she's pregnant right now, so maybe she wanted a slow year."

"She's Rory's aunt?" I ask, suddenly remembering that Shannon Kavanagh was previously Shannon Lynch.

"Yeah."

"That whole family is like seriously famous," I comment, because damn. I knew they all owned a bunch of businesses and stuff but this seems like a lot, first a literal rockstar's teaching me music class and now this, Tommen really was ridiculous.

Us, public school kids barely stood a chance. 

"Yeah, did you go their charity event last year?" She asks, a little bit of awe in her voice.

"I had to work, but I heard a little about it, the cafe was dead that day."

"They raised thousands, you could buy these super expensive tickets to play rugby with Johnny Kavanagh and his friends, then there was this amazing Emily Lynch fashion show, and her sister, Leah Lynch, you know the author of all those science fiction novels?"

"They're related?" I say, trying to keep my volume in check and thankfully Mr. Fane is still talking in the hallway so we're free to waste time.

"Yep, she did a book signing, and even two of the actors from the movie adaptations came and modelled some of Emily's designs, I got all my books from that series signed, oh and then it all ended with a huge reunion concert for Patrick and Katie Feely's band."

"Imagine having that kind of influence," I muse, the only thing I ever got from my family was a bad reputation, and for everyone I ever met to assume the absolute worst out of me.

"I know, they're like Cork royalty," she says and I feel stupid for never paying attention to them.

Of course, I knew about them a little, but I honestly had never cared.

Mr. Fane walks into the classroom, closing the door behind him visually grimacing, and shivering like he just walked through a bunch of cobwebs.

He pulls out a binder with an attendance sheet, "kids, I'm going to give you all a piece of advice, never let your two best friends marry a set of sisters."

"Why? that sounds fun," Rory asks, projecting his voice from the back corner. 

Mr. Fane gives him a suspicious look, "is she telling you what to say right now?"

He just chuckles antagonizing.

"Maybe he's wearing a wire," I suggest.

Mr. Fane nods, "I like the way you think."

I suddenly feel a hard kick to the back of my seat, "druggy bitch," the boy behind me whispers.

I push my chair back towards his desk hard, not bothering to look back as he mumbles cursing, "whoops," I say innocently tucking my chair back in.

Mr. Fane barely notices, he just starts taking attendance, and Juliet leans over to me, "damn girl, you're tough-"

"Miss Bennet," the attendance is called out.

"Present," Juliet says.

"Huh Bennet, Leah would love that, always going on about Jane Austen and all that," Mr. Fane says absentmindedly.

"Leah Lynch?" Juliet asks, her eyes getting larger.

He rolls his eyes, "another invaluable piece of advice, if you have to let your best friends marry sisters do not let them be famous sisters."

"Isn't Tadhg Lynch famous too though?" Someone asks.

"He's in the GAA Hall of Fame," I comment.

"Yeah, and I saw Emily's husband on the news the other day talking about some high level government case," the girl from the front row comments.

"Yes, yes.." Mr. Fane groans.

"Isn't your husband also in the hall of fame?" Rory asks.

"He got added two years ago," the kid from behind me comments.

The girl from the front row smiles, "so really you're the only not famous one in your friend group?"

"You're married to Garrison Miller?" I ask, floored. I would not have imagined my old PE teacher married to this guy, Mr. Miller was the only teacher who gave any help with my team, he showed me warm ups  secretly, taught me how to register us for tournaments, and 'accidentally' left out schedules so I could secure us practice time.

The head of the athletic department Mr. Chambers, actively fought against my camogie team, barred any of the teachers from helping me, and purposely gate kept field time.

Mr. Miller was the only one who ever stood against him, and I suddenly like Mr. Fane a whole lot more.

He looks to me, "why did you think I already liked you?"

I feel another kick at the back of my seat, but I ignore it.

"Okay, okay, yes I know a bunch of famous people, no I am not famous, by choice, I'll have you know " he says with emphasis, "and teaching the young minds of tomorrow is much more important than chasing fame."

"Isn't Oliver Lynch working on a human rights case with the UN?" the front row girl asks.

"Good God, did you all read a biography on me and my friends before this?" He says returning back to the attendance sheet, "I can already tell this is going to be a long semester."

I just grin, settling back into my seat, pulling a notebook out of backpack, maybe Tommen wouldn't be completely terrible after all. 

Chapter Text

Monday, September 4th

Rory:

Kieran breathed out, leaning beside me on the school wall, "I don't know man, what can we really do?"

Fuck, I knew it was bad when Kieran was the one to reel me in. I couldn't remember a time it hadn't been the other way around. 

"You just saying that because she's friends with Eve now?" I ask, still aggravated from the meeting I just had with Tommen's rugby coach. 

He glares at me, "we're in enough shit as it is, you really wanna add bullying a girl at school?"

I roll my eyes, "we're not bullying her, Jesus."

I see her cross the parking lot, acting like she hadn't been expelled from her old school for screwing over her new school. When I heard she was coming to Tommen, I assumed she'd cower, and that would be punishment enough. But she was making friends, teachers liked her, and through all of the stuff the students threw at her, she never looked phased.

But she was the reason, my life's been forever changed, my best friends' lives, and my father's legacy's are forever tarnished. 

"Do we even know she did anything besides sell the drugs?" Quinn asks, aggressively rubbing his eyes.

"No one else knew," I say, for what felt like the thousandth time. We didn't even know which teammate had actually purchased the drugs, no one would talk. 

I knew that my team could have bought drugs from anyone, and it wasn't her fault that whatever moronic teammate of mine wanted them chose to her buy from, I wasn't that vindictive. 

But she was the only person outside of our team that knew, meaning she had to have been the one to rat us out to the cops. 

My guess was that she had a personal vendetta towards our school. 

"She could have just told someone," he replies. 

I turn to him, "then it's still her fault."

"What is she doing with all those books?" Quinn asks then, bringing my attention back to her, her light brown hair, bright green eyes, and athlete's body, and her comically carrying a stack of novels. 

"I don't fucking know," I say, rubbing the crease between my eyebrows, this girl was nothing like I'd expected. 

Honestly I had expected a skittish criminal, and instead here was this girl who was apparently some community hero at BCS according to Connor, she was unapologetic and confident and she was driving me crazy. 

I had to remind myself why I hated her. 

She ruined my future, Quinn and Kier's future, my family's legacy, it was all her fault. 

And the fact that she was pretty and charismatic wouldn't distract me from that. 

"Plotting?" A voice pulls my attention, and I see that my little brother Connor's joined us now. 

"No."

"Is Caoimhe ready?" He asks, and Quinn breaks off from our group, probably to round up his little brother to drive him home. 

"She's probably trying to hot wire the car," I say, and when we walk over to my car, she's standing against the car, looking at us like she's about to say 'I'm not mad, just disappointed.' She's not alone either, the bane of my existence Ryder Feely who was practically attached to her hip was there as well. 

We liked to joke that he was her shadow, but it's definitely not one sided. Caoimhe will swear to high heaven that they're just friends, she claims that they both understand what it's like to be committed to their art. 

She claims it's different than us and our sports. Maybe she's right, I guess I wouldn't know. 

"Bye Keev," Ryder says holding her gaze way too fucking long, "you're going to do great tonight."

She smiles, shaking her hands out, "thanks."

"Bye guys," he says, and I would offer him a ride, but his mother is now the music teacher at our school, so he'll be fine, and I think Caoimhe will kill me if I make her any later.  

"Yeah bye," I say, smiling. Because I do like him, just not with my baby sister. 

We get into my car, Kieran in the passenger side, and Caoimhe and Connor in the backseat. 

Connor hums loudly and I guess he can sense my annoyance. 

"You still mad at me for lunch?"

"I'm not mad at you," I say.

"You embarrassed him," Ryan says, looking up from his phone briefly. 

"Thanks for that," I grumble, pulling out of the school parking lot. 

"She's great, drug dealer or not," Connor says.

"Figures you'd think a drug dealer was great," I say a little spitefully. 

"You snitch," Connor fake gasps and turns to an anxious looking Caoimhe. 

"You called like half of the family," she says waving her hand at him, looking out the window, like watching the road was going to make us go faster, "from the rave."

"It was a rave, everyone was doing it," he says, "I don't have a problem."

"It was stupid, you know how much shit our family's been in," I say, not wanting to be mad, "the press would just love to know another Kavanagh boy is doing drugs."

"Well, I'm not the 'future of rugby' like you," he says. 

Something about Connor that no one knows, and that he'd never ever admit is that if I wasn't his brother, he would be the one playing rugby. 

When we were younger, he loved it. He was sold after the first time he ever saw our father play live, it was a home game and our Mam had him wearing those noise cancelling headphones, and he ripped them off the moment when he saw our dad run out on the field, instantly enamoured. 

And so that summer our parents signed him up for the junior rugby camp I was attending with Quinn. I was excited about the possibility of playing with my brother, but when we played games and ran drills, all of the attention was on me. 

I even pretended to be sick one of the days, so he could have some time without me there, but then they just compared us, despite the fact I had already been playing for a year and he was new to it all. 

When we got back, he told our parents he wanted to be a hurler like our uncles. 

I have no doubt he loves his sport, I can see it in the way he plays, but I think it's always left a bitter taste in his mouth for rugby. Especially, because it's something I share with our father. 

Another difference between them. 

"It's kind of ironic that the only Kavanagh not doing drugs is the one in the national drug scandal," Kieran comments. 

My eyes go to the back of the car immediately, to gauge Caoimhe's reaction. 

People like to say that I got my father's motivation for his passion, that I had that same drive that he had. And yeah, I'm motivated, but not enough to hide the severity of an injury, and collapse on the field type of motivated, like he did in fifth year. 

For better or for worse, my baby sister has all that drive and more. 

Last Spring when the country thought the Kavanaghs were dealing with a drug problem in the family, they actually were. It just wasn't their oldest rugby player son. It was their fourteen year old ballerina. 

One of Caoimhe's best friends, Eoin Gibson got put on Aderall for his ADHD last Winter. He claimed that he lost his 'spark' whatever that meant, and without his parent's knowledge stopped taking them, and found nothing wrong with giving them to my sister. 

Who did not need them to focus, she could however use them to stay up for days at a time to practice nonstop. 

Eoin finally came clean when she went through a four month prescription in three weeks. 

"Ryan," I chide.

"It was a joke," he says, like he wasn't there when she was convulsing from withdrawals. 

I had never felt so helpless in those moments. Articles were coming out how I had disgraced the family name for something a teammate did, and my little sister was so sick, I felt like she was never going to get better. 

She hadn't danced outside of the house since. Today was her first audition back. The Nutcracker. 

"You ready for your audition?" I ask.

"I'm out of practice," she says, "there's not a shot in hell, I'll get Clara."

"There's always next year," Connor says, it's kind of a full time job making sure that our sister doesn't crack in half. 

"Oh yeah," she starts sarcastically, "you know all those fifteen year old Claras."

"Is there a lot of them?" He asks, confused.

"No, the only reason I can still audition is because I'm so short," she says, "how much longer 'til we get home?"

"We're almost there," I reassure. 

"Mam and Da were cruel making me go to school on the same day as first round auditions," she says. 

"You're lucky they let you dance still," Kieran says. 

"If I was a rugby player, they wouldn't have dreamt of stopping me from practicing," she grumbles. 

"Like I didn't hear you every night pulling your chair out and jumping around," Connor says. 

"Whatever," she dismisses.

"You'll do great, Keev," I encourage. 

"Drive faster Kav."

When we pull into the driveway, Caoimhe practically runs into the house, right past our Dad. 

"How was your first day?" He asks, frowning a little at Caoimhe who was running up the stairs, blatantly ignoring him. 

"Good," Connor says going into the kitchen. 

"It was school," Ryan offers following Connor. 

"How'd your meeting go?" He asks me.

"Coach said, I can't be captain anymore with all the publicity for the school, but as of now I'm fine to play."

He nods, knowing how hard I worked last year as my team's captain. And for it all to go away when one of my teammates to make the great decision to buy a shit ton of drugs and hand them out like party favours. 

I didn't even know who it was, and nobody was talking. And yet, as one of the only players who didn't take any of the drugs, I'm the most punished because I'm the name that the press ran with. Thus, reflecting poorly on our school. 

"It'll all blow over," my dad says, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "Who's captain now?"

I groan, "Chris McGarry."

The lad had hated me since I could remember. My dad mentioned once that there had been some bad blood between my parents and Chris's father, Ronan. But I had never done a bloody thing to his son. 

I look around to make sure we're alone, "are you and Mam sure it's a good idea to let Caoimhe keep dancing?" I want to redirect the conversation from me, but I also want to make sure my sister's okay.

He looks down, "we don't know, but she went on a hunger strike the last time we told her ballet wasn't such a good idea anymore."

"Yeah," I say remembering, how even when I would try to sneak her food at night she wouldn't take it. Even when I promised I wouldn't tell our parents, effectively not impacting the protest, she said there needed to be stakes. 

"We'll just pay more attention," he says, "I know this makes me a horrible father but I'm praying she gets a small part."

"She'll cut you for even putting that into the universe," I joke. 

My Mam comes rushing into the foyer then, holding a costume bag and a massive tote in the other hand, "hi sweetie," she says to me and then turns to my dad, standing on her tip toes reaching up to kiss him on the cheek, "can you put this in the car?"

She runs back to the kitchen to retrieve a water bottle from the fridge, "I am not cut out to be a dance mom."

"You're great," I say, but she already looks drained and they haven't even left yet. 

"All day at the vet, I was thinking about being late to this thing, and..." she looks at her watch, "Caoimhe, we've got to go!"

She turns to me again, giving me a side hug, "pray for me."

 I squeeze her back, "you'll do great."

Caoimhe comes down then, pink tights, black bodysuit, and her hair pulled so tight I think it's made her eyebrows raise. 

"Good luck Keev!" I call out, barely catching her. 

"I'm off too," Connor says holding a water bottle, his hurling bag, and with a leftover piece of pizza in his mouth.

"You seeing Garrison today?"

"Yeah, he'll be there," he says taking another bite. 

"Tell him to rein in his husband," I say, "the psycho went on a twenty minute rant about our Aunt Em and how not to let our friends marry sisters."

Connor laughs, "Erin said Em did the same thing in her class, talking about her class had to come first in the food drive."

"Oh, we don't have to come first, in fact he said we can come second to last for all he cared, just as long as Emily was dead last," I say and Connor snickers, walking out the door with our father, leaving me alone in this big house. 

I collapsed onto the couch and ran my hands through my hair, trying to forget way that she looked at me. 

Spencer Holland. 

Even her name was cool. 

In any other situation I would have liked her, she seemed cool, but I couldn't forgive her, for what she did to me, to my team, to my family. 

I squeezed my eyes shut. 

Chapter Text

Monday, September 4th

Spencer:

"Spence?" Charlie calls out as I take the key out the door to our apartment and walk through the place that my brothers and I called home. 

Cole had just dropped me off. 

"Here," I yell back, closing the door with my foot, seeing Charlie sitting on the couch, reading some book, a pen in his hand. 

He folds the corner of his book page over, marking his spot and walks over to me, "how'd your first day go?"

I shrug, "it was okay, I made two friends."

"You made friends?" He asks, "you mean they were nice to you..."

"Oh no, they threw fruit at me," I say cheerily, "but Eve and Jules are great, and..." I dig into my backpack for dramatic effect, "I got you a present."

His eyebrows shoot up, "huh?"

"Ta-da!" I present to him a stack of books. 

"Why?"

"Well," I explain, "I was talking to the librarians at Tommen-"

"Are Eve and Jules librarians?" He asks. 

"Ha ha," I deadpan, "they had all these boxes of books and I asked because naturally, I was curious, and well turns out they're so rich there, they order a bunch of new books every year and just donate old ones that no one's taken out in a while."

"So you took the charity books?"

"Well, Ms. Willard said if I helped move the boxes I would have first pick before they put them out on a table in the hallway and just let anyone take them, so being the good sister I am, I brought all the interesting looking ones, " I say dropping the pile in front of him on the kitchen counter. 

Charlie was a literary nerd, and he could just go to the local library, or even find free books online, but the weirdo likes to write all over them. 

He says it's annotating, but he practically covers the margins, hell even the small spaces between the lines and words with his own thoughts and libraries don't exactly appreciate that so he likes to own books. 

But we're very poor, so the stack I've brought him should bring him a lot of joy.

He gives me a side hug, running his fingers along the basically new looking books, "thanks Spencer, this is actually really great, but I don't want the other kids to think of you like some..."

"Charity case?" I finish for him and he cringes a little, "I think that might be a step up considering they currently think I'm a drug dealer."

"Are you okay though, going there?" He asks. 

"Yeah," I say, "I mean what choice do I have?"

He nods, and I know that neither of my brothers had diplomas but I also knew that they wanted more for me, and if they had had the opportunity they would have wanted to finish. 

Well at least Charlie would have, he probably would have gone on to university if he could have, he was definitely smart enough, he still is. 

But life had other plans. Namely when our parents died in a car accident with him in the back seat. 

Charlie grumbles as we hear a knock on the door, "hide me."

Oh yes, the scary Holland drug dealing mastermind, hiding from a couple of girls who liked him. 

"Oh poor you," I say and walk over to the door, opening it. 

"Hey Spencer," Whitney greets, "you on the schedule for tomorrow?"

"Yep, I'll be coming in afterschool."

Whitney worked in the cafe with me, and had also been in love with Charlie since I could remember. 

"Where's Cole?" Whitney's cousin Tilly asked. 

"He went to help with some deliveries at Joan's," I say.

"Did Charlie go with him?" 

"Take a hint, Whit," I joke. 

"You're like the gatekeeper of terrace bachelors,"Tilly jokes. 

"Yeah," I say "okay then... bye now-" I close the door. 

"Are they gone?" Charlie asks peaking out of his room.

There were only two bedrooms in our small apartment, one bathroom, a kitchen and a living room. Being the only girl I got one of the bedrooms and Charlie got the other, while Cole would just sleep in the living room. 

Charlie had tried to give it to Cole, but Cole barely slept here anyways and we knew that Charlie preferred privacy and liked to be alone. Cole not so much. 

"Yes," I say, "you know you could just tell Whitney you don't like w-"

He cuts me off, "I have you, no need to deal with all of that."

"Yeah okay," I say, because he had spent all of his adult and some of his teenage years taking care of me, but I had taken care of him too. We all did Cole, Charlie, and I. 

"So are any of the Tommen kids giving you trouble?"

I shrug into the couch, "yeah you know the three kids who got kicked out of the academy?"

"Like the Kavanagh kid?" I nod. "He's supposed to be really good."

"When was the last time you watched rugby?" I ask incredulously. 

"What, drug dealers can't watch rugby?" He asks sardonically. 

Charlie never shied away from saying exactly how our situation was, he didn't hide behind lies. At least in this aspect of his life. 

"No, people who get excited over books and write in the margins and hide behind their little sisters don't watch rugby," I say smiling. 

He throws a pillow at me, and I catch it easily. 

"What are they doing?"

I throw my head back, "nothing really, just I don't know, I feel a little bad."

"For what?" He asks, "one of those pricks tracked Cole down for that order, you shouldn't feel guilty at all."

"Yeah, but they didn't have anything to do with it and now like their whole careers are in jeopardy."

"You're the one who got kicked out of school," he argues. 

"Yeah, for a crime that was very much committed, that I confessed to," I say, "look it doesn't matter, they'll be bored of me within a week."

"You know, I would never have been able to do what you're doing," Charlie says surprising me. 

"It's not that impressive," I say, "it's just a whole lot of dodging fruit, and... ooh, guess who my music teacher is."

"Why the hell are you taking a music class?"

I ignore him, "Katie Feely."

"You're kidding."

"Nope, and apparently they've got some famous fashion movie designer teaching, it's lunacy."

"Lunacy?" He smiles, "you already sound smarter."

"Oh yeah," I say, "I'm going to start writing in books soon."

"The other kids are okay though?"

"There's this one asshole, McGarry," I say, "he's their captain, but it's fine, I'll be fine."

"Well just let me know-"

"What are you gonna do?" I tease.

"I'll..." he trails off, "write a strongly worded email."

"That'll scare 'em," I say. 

"Tommen boys won't know what hit 'em," he replies and we both burst out laughing. 

Chapter Text

Johnny: 

What do you do when your child hates you?

Patrick: 

Caoimhe doesn't hate you.

Ollie: 

Why does Caoimhe hate you?

Patrick: 

She doesn't.

Hugh: 

Maeve told me about it, she'll get over it.

Ollie: 

Get over what?

Will: 

If you were in Cork you'd know.

Ollie: 

I'll be back in a couple weeks.

Will: 

Be quick, Emmy's getting on my nerves, Garrison keeps inviting her over for dinner.

Johnny: 

You're antagonizing her, leave the students out of your petty feud.

Will: 

Tell her to go back terrorizing munchkins in Oz.

Garrison:

 He's joking.

Will: 

I'm not.

Garrison: 

He is.

Joey left the Group Chat.

Gibsie added Joey to the Group Chat.

Ollie: 

Sorry what's happening with my niece?

Johnny: 

She didn't get the part she wanted for the Nutcracker.

Gibsie: 

How? She's the best one out there, judges must be blind.

Johnny: 

They wouldn't even let her audition for Clara, because she didn't show 'initiative' when she didn't come to the studio once all summer.

Tadhg: 

I see why she hates you.

Johnny: 

Thanks Tadhg.

Patrick:

 Can't you just explain what happened?

Ollie: 

You shouldn't risk that information leaking to the public.

Johnny: 

Caoimhe wouldn't want anyone knowing either way.

Hugh: 

So she won't be performing?

Johnny: 

One of the teachers, who likes her had her audition for the more advanced roles, so she's the understudy for the Sugar Plum Fairy.

Gibsie: 

I've got it, day before the show we send her good luck cookies from the bakery, that are a little undercooked, and there you go, Caoimhe's performing.

Johnny: 

We're not poisoning a teenage girl Gibs.

Tadhg left the Group Chat.

Joey left the Group Chat.

Gibsie added Joey and Tadhg to the Group Chat.

Gibsie: 

When did we get so boring that we don't pull schemes anymore?

Gibsie:

 I used to pull the best schemes with your wife, Feely.

Patrick: 

We weren't poisoning little girls.

Gibsie: 

Just making up an epidemic of sick grandparents.

Ollie: 

???

Garrison: 

???

Will: 

???

Johnny:

 We've gotten off topic lads.

Gibsie: 

This old lady just heard me say that into my phone, she's... oh fuck, she just heard me call her old, and she's coming over here, ahhh.

Patrick: 

Caoimhe just needs some time, she's at my house right now and she seemed okay.

Johnny: 

Where in your house?

Patrick: 

Why?

Johnny: 

Feely.

Patrick: 

Ryder's room.

Johnny: 

Hell no, I'm picking her up right now.

Patrick: 

Relax, his door is open, and Kat just brought them snacks.

Hugh: 

It is painfully obvious you don't have any daughters Pat.

Patrick: 

I just trust my kid.

Gibsie: 

You were a menace at that age Feely.

Johnny: 

Don't remind me.

Patrick:

 Like you lot were saints.

Joey: 

Do none of you have jobs?

Chapter Text

Tuesday, September 5th

Spencer:

"Spencer, Love," Joan greets me, taking my head in her hands, "they treating you good at that fancy school?"

"Yes," I say wrapping the small apron around my jeans, the type that servers wear. 

My second day at Tommen had been similar to my first, the same asshole kids and staff antagonizing me, learnt more about Eve and Juliet, and successfully avoided the rugby trio who hated my guts. 

"Has it been busy?" I ask. 

"Same old same old," she says waving her hand, "it'll get busier once word gets around everyone's favourite waitress is working," she teases. 

"Oh yes,"  I say, "nothing to do with the after work dinner rush, it's all me," I joke, going behind the counter, and washing my hands in the sink. 

I had worked in the cafe since I was twelve, Cole started even younger, but stopped around the same time he dropped out of high school to work for my uncle. He didn't want to, but the money was better, and we needed it. 

He still helped every once in a while, like yesterday when he helped Joan with stock, and bringing in boxes. 

The familiar walls of the cozy interior were like a second home to me. We of course had regular customers, but we were close to some of the office buildings in the area, and brought in a lot of visitors, that didn't know me or my family. And I liked talking to people who hadn't already made their mind up about me. 

The sounds of the coffee machine, the bustling kitchen, cutlery scraping against plates, and light conversation was like music to my brain. 

"Oh Spence," Joan calls out, bringing my attention back to me. 

Joan had been like a mother to me and Cole. She was caring, the type of woman who cared and gave her love to whoever needed it. She was nurturing but so strong. 

"I'm getting old," she says, and I know she's about to play the 'aging' card to get me to do something for her. Something she could easily do herself. 

"You don't look a day over twenty-five," I say smiling, she did look younger than she was though. She looked to be mid fifties or so but she was going to be turning seventy in a couple years. 

"You know how I hate giving interviews," she starts.

"Oh yes, you just like finding kids to raise on the street and then have them work for you," I tease, but it's completely true. 

She tsks, "I got a couple people coming in to interview for Camile's old waitress job,' Camille had a baby a few weeks ago and quit indefinitely, "and a new busboy."

"No problem," I say, I secretly liked giving the interviews, but I think Joan liked passing on jobs she thought we didn't enjoy so she 'keep us on our toes' as she says. 

I grab the stack of resumes, and a notebook with prewritten questions and set up a table near the back, away from people to conduct the meetings. 

Joan's office would be too small, and I think it's a lot less nerve racking when you're surrounded by other people. 

I sit making a couple annotations on the questions Joan's dotted down and perk up when I see the last two interviewees, no one had really stood out so far. I looked at the two blonde teenagers coming over, that Whitney who's working the cash register sent over. 

They came in with two other people, a tall guy with dark hair and a serious expression on his face, and a much shorter brunette girl, who sit at a table near the front, seemingly waiting for their friends. 

I stand up shaking both of their hands, "hi I'm Spencer."

"Hello, Eoin," the boy who's taller and much more confidence greets me, "I'm here for the bus boy posting."

Eoin was wearing a simple outfit, flecks of paint on his hoodie, as well as a smidge on his neck. He had a sort of young and charming look about him, reminded me of a younger Cole. 

"I'm Maeve," the girl says, "um...I'm here for the server position."

Maeve was noticeably shy, but her outfit screamed individual, overalls with little patches sewn into the top, Mary Janes, and a striped long sleeve shirt underneath, as well as a few small gold clips in her hair. 

"Right," I say, "how about I take Eoin first," I suggest. 

"Oh no," the boy corrects, "we thought we'd do the interview together."

"That's not really how this is done," I say. 

"Well," he starts, "we're only going to work here if we both get the job, so there's not really a point of Maeve going through a whole interview if there's no point."

"This is very unorthodox," I argue. 

"You're going to let us interview though, because you're intrigued," he says and I can't lie I kind of am. 

I gesture for them to take a seat, Eoin grabbing a chair from the table beside us. 

"So, are you two siblings?" I ask, thinking maybe they're twins or something, the way they seem to be inseparable. 

"Cousins," Maeve corrects. 

"Okay," I say, "and what were your names."

"Maeve Biggs." I jot it down by her notes. 

"Eoin Gibson." My head snaps up. 

"Like Quinn Gibson?"

"Yes, I'm the much smarter and hotter younger brother," he says. 

"So you two go to Tommen?" I ask. 

"Yep, year two" he says smiling, "and you're the drug dealer who 'ruined' Quinnie's life." His tone is more amused than mad, and his use of air quotes suggests he's not overly upset.  

"Oh," I say, "well if it's a conflict of interest-"

"Don't worry about it," Eoin assures me. 

"Okay what experience do you two have?" I ask. 

"We used to be dishwashers at the seafood place down the street that just closed, Maeve babysits too, and I cut lawns," and then adds, "I've got a card if you're in need of some yard work," he says slyly, and then adds again, "Maeve's got a card too."

I must say I respect their drive, they're fourteen and are bringing in multiple streams of income. As Mr. Tierney said to me, one of the most important qualities to possess is grit, and something tells me these kids got it. I wouldn't be so sure of the famous rugby trio at my new school. 

"Okay good, and I'd like you both to answer the questions moving on," I say, because although I feel for Meave who's clearly nervous, we can't have a waitress who doesn't talk to people. 

"Of course," Eoin says, and I look to Maeve who just nods. 

"What would you say your biggest strengths are," I ask. 

Surprising Maeve speaks up first, "I'm very organized, punctual, I'm good with computers, and.... um that's all."

"I've got great people skills," Eoin says, "I got along with everyone, and I'll also be punctual because I usually get a ride with Maeve."

"And what about weaknesses?" I ask.

Eoin goes first this time, "too much of a perfectionist."

I know he's lying and it's kind of comical, "in what way?"

"Uh, you know, it's um I get kinda crazy if everything isn't perfect."

"Will that affect your work?" I ask, and Maeve must kick him under the table. 

"Uh no, I'm not actually, that's more our friends... I just thought... anyways not a perfectionist, but a good worker."

"Okay then, and you."

"Uh... I'm not the most extroverted person, and talking to people, especially groups isn't a particular skill of mine."

"Do you think you can see yourself improving?" I ask. 

She nods, "I'll try." And I like her honesty, every other person I've interviewed today, have given me the same shit about being a perfectionist or just flat out saying they don't have flaws. 

"Are you good with talking to the kids you babysit?" I ask.

"Yeah, I... I kind of have no choice," she says.

"It's just like that, it'll be scary at first, but then once you get into the swing of things, it won't even feel like you're putting yourself out there."

She seems to relax at that. We talk more about hours, schedules, roles, and by the end of it, I'm weirdly sold on them. 

"Well thanks for coming in guys-" I say, about to shake their hands again, but all our heads turn to see a group of guys in rugby kits and my heart drops at the Tommen emblem. 

"What's Quinn and Rory doing here?" Eoin asks, and I'm thankful they weren't the ones to arrange this. 

"I don't know," Meave says, "don't they usually go to Biddie's?"

Eoin looks back at me then, "I'm guessing they're here for other reasons."

I guess Joan was right on some level. 

People were coming from the other side of town to have me as their waitress. 

But it wasn't because of my smile or great customer service skills. 

It was for revenge. 

Chapter Text

Tuesday, September 5th

Rory:

"Why are we coming here?" Quinn asks to the group as we follow Chris McGarry and the rest of the team into Joan's Cafe. "They don't even serve drinks."

"You'll see," Chris says cryptically, not even bothering to look back as he talks to us. 

We walk into the establishment, and I find it kind of odd that I've never been in here. I've definitely passed it, but for some reason we were piling in today after our first rugby practice of the school year. 

After the last year we had getting back on the pitch was definitely worth celebrating. 

Right as I walk in though, I run into my little sister, and Ryder. 

I shiver at the thought that these two might be on a date. 

I walk over to them, they're just sitting drinking coffees, talking. 

I hated how every time I saw the two of them having a conversation it was like no one else in the world existed, they were super intense. Quinn just calls them weird, but I think intense is a little more accurate. 

"What are you two doing here?" I ask. 

"We didn't realize this was your domain," Ryder says sarcastically. 

Caoimhe speaks before I have to ask again, "Eoin and Maeve are doing a job interview right now," she says pointing to the back of the establishment. And I see the two blondes now standing, looking over at me and the rest of the team.

But it's not them that catches my eye, or even Maeve's odd outfit, it's who they're standing with, who they're shaking hands with. 

What the hell are they doing with Spencer Holland?

Her face drops a little, but only for a second and then her mask of indifference is pushed firmly back into place. 

Eoin and Maeve walk over to us smiling, "I reckon we crushed that."

Maeve blushes a little but nods in agreement. 

"Do you think you've got the job?" Caoimhe asks both of them.

Ah yes, I knew about this whole interviewing together thing. I think poor Maeve would melt into a puddle on the floor before doing one of those alone. 

"Oh yeah, she loved us," Eoin says. 

Maeve smiles, "Spencer's really cool, she'd be really nice to work with."

All of their eyes flash to mine, like I'm going to reprimand her for saying something nice about the girl who basically ruined my life. 

I don't though, I'm not that much of an asshole. 

The woman of the hour walks over then to the table, handing Maeve and Eoin business cards, "call if you have anymore questions about the jobs, and we'll call you as soon as we've made a decision."

She doesn't even look at me. 

"You're really everywhere aren't you?" I ask.

"Me?" She asks, "I thought you were the one stalking me."

I look around at the admittedly nice cafe, warm atmosphere, decently sized, "is this a good environment for Eoin and Maeve to be working?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean they're only fourteen," I point out, "and if this is some type of front for selling," her eyes narrow, "or money laundering, I'd probably have to tell their parents."

She looks deeply offended, and it makes me think she has an emotional attachment to this place, because when she's personally attacked she's like an unmoving wall, but now I can tell I've gotten to her. 

"Ignore him," Eoin insists, "he's just being an asshole for no reason."

"I can assure you no illegal activity happens here, and I'd be happy to talk to either of their parents," she says.

"So they don't deal drugs, they just employ people who do?" I ask, and I know I'm being an asshole, and I'm honestly embarrassed my sister and her friends are seeing me this way. 

She grinds her teeth, "well Joan won't be asking Eoin to stop mowing lawns, or Maeve to stop babysitting."

Why the fuck did she have own up to it every time? Couldn't she at least show a little remorse?

"Well-" I start, but Caoimhe hits my leg. 

"Ror, cut it out," and then looks to Spencer, "hi I'm Caoimhe, Rory's sister." 

"Spencer," she says with a tight smile. 

"I'm Ryder Feely," and in return he gets another forced smile. 

"I should get back to work," she says, and then turns to the other people standing, "call if you have any questions."

And as soon as she can't see us, Eoin hits the top of my head, "what the hell man? You just crashed our fucking job interview."

"Oh yes, your job interview with Spencer Holland, I'm surprised you didn't break out the suits," I say spitefully. 

And I regret everything I've said when I see Maeve's watering eyes, "when'd you become such an asshole?"

Caoimhe reaches out and rubs her hand along her arm. 

I went too far with the outfit comment, because I knew people liked to give shit for how she dressed. At least we wore uniforms at Tommen. 

And it was a probably big fucking deal her doing this interview and she was feeling good after and I ruined it. 

"I'm sorry May," I say, "she just... She drives me crazy."

As a family we call this little group, the prodigies. 

Or the weirdos. 

They're all a little eccentric. But talented as fuck, so it kind of makes up for it. 

Ryder is a total control freak, and intense as hell. But goddamn can he play the violin. His parents are music legends, so it's no surprise that he's a nationally recognized talent. But part of his skill comes from his obsessive personality.

Caoimhe, my sister is hyper focused and will quite literally do anything to be perfect in her sport.  Which means a complete disregard for her physical and mental health. But she's already in talks with English universities for their ballet programs. 

Eoin, is probably the most normal, but being with these... unique people kind of let him do whatever he wanted, and he kind of took on a mix of all their weird quirks. He also definitely manages all their crazy and that would make anyone a little mental. He's an artist, painting and sketching are his medium. And he's fucking talented with an almost unmatched passion. 

Maeve, is extremely sensitive, and is likely to become overwhelmed and hide in a small area. When she goes missing, you never have to worry about checking bus stations or the woods or anything like that. It's always cupboards and closets. But she's gifted in ways I don't even understand at computer stuff. Coding is her main passion, and last year she even constructed her own computer. 

Together, they're like the next generation of art and technology, but apart I think they'd flounder.

"It's fine," she says sniffling and Eoin's puts his arm around her, letting her hide in his hoodie. 

"No May, I'm really sorry, I'll go apologize, and smooth it all out," I say, and ignore the four's requests for me to not go near Spencer again, because she's got another thing coming if she doesn't hire them because of my actions. 

Chapter Text

Tuesday, September 5th

Spencer:

I focus on taking deep breaths, allowing my eyes to close as I walk into the storage room beside the kitchen at the cafe. 

I can't believe what Rory was saying, that he was accusing of Joan running some type of drug empire from her small family style cafe. 

From what Juliet and Evelyn had told me he was supposed to be a good guy, he was nice and hard working, but I had yet to see it. 

"Hey-" I turn around abruptly at the sound, breaking my few seconds of peace before I had to face the fucking Tommen rugby team.  

"You can't be in here," I snap. 

"Look," he ignores me, "don't not hire Maeve and Eoin because of me."

I scoff, "unlike most of this town, I don't judge people based solely on their family."

I knew he wasn't related to them but apparently his parents were their godparents or something, and according to my new friends, they were all very connected like a family. 

His shoulders relax, "so I didn't ruin it for them?"

I cross my arms over my chest, "no, I liked them you didn't change that."

"Did they get the job then?" He asks. 

I ignore his question with my own, "what are you doing here anyway?"

"Oh, well I didn't know we were coming here honestly."

"So you just blindly followed?" I ask. 

His face hardens a little, like I've morally offended him by basically calling him a sheep. "We're celebrating."

"Why here?" I ask, "we don't even serve drinks."

"I think you know why," he says cryptically. 

"Was it Chris then?" I ask, "your leader?"

"He's not my leader," he practically sneers, "and yeah he probably just wants to mess with you."

Before I can respond my head snaps to two more people walking into the closet.

"No one is supposed to be in here," I grumble.

They ignore me. 

"Eoin's pissed at you lad," Quinn says at Rory.

"I sorted it out," he says. 

Quinn looks to me then, "I hear you met the weirdos."

"The what?"

"My little brother and his friends," he explains. 

"Yeah, I've got to say I like your brother more than you," I say, now leaning against a shelf of extra menus. "And your sister," I gesture to Rory. 

"They seem normal now, but they're intense watch out," Quinn says flinching as Rory elbows him. 

"You're giving me shit for ruining their interview and now you're warning her about them?" Rory asks disbelieving. 

"Shit," Quinn says, "all of this was off the record."

"Right," I say, "leave now."

"Will you be serving us?" Quinn asks. 

"Not if I can help it," I respond and Kieran just chuckles as the three nuisances leave me in peace. 

I don't know what it was about Kieran, but he just kind of freaked me out. He had never even really spoken to me, but he just had this aura of danger about him, and a sort of dead look in his eyes. 

I shake my arms out, and inhale before walking out, tucking myself behind the counter, avoiding the twenty or so rugby players who had pushed a bunch of tables together and were throwing menus and straw wrappers. 

"Hey Joan," I start, and she looks up from sorting through some new labels, "could Whitney take the rugby table?"

She gives me a smile, "I can, but that one over there," she points to Chris, "gave me this," she holds up a one hundred dollar bill, "for you to serve them," I cringe, and she hands me the money, "I'll gladly give it back, but it's yours if you want it."

I run the cash through my fingers, knowing it would be stupid not to take the deal, "no promises I won't be spitting in their drinks." Joan just laughs, because she knows I would never actually do that. 

I walk over to them, notepad in hand, and deliver my usual lines, "hi thanks for coming to Joan's Cafe, can I get some drinks started for you?"

"Do you have anything off the menu?" One of the guys I don't know asks. 

He means drugs. 

"Everything we offer is listed on there," I try to smile, but I feel like I'm going to break my teeth.

"That's not what I meant."

"Well it's all I'm serving."

That basically shuts them up and most of them order cokes or sprites, and Whitney helps me bring them out. At least they didn't start ordering the fancy drinks we offer that take forever to make. But I guess this didn't really seem like an iced chai latte crowd. 

I walk over to, as Quinn called the 'Weirdo' table, and take solace in the weird but comfortable silence between the four of them, "can I get you guys anything else?"

Maeve speaks up first, "we're really sorry about Rory and all of those guys."

"Don't worry about it," I say, "I get why they're upset."

Although I didn't really, they kept saying that I was the reason they got caught, but what kind of operation do they think my brothers are running? It wasn't exactly a good business decision to call the cops on their clients. 

I didn't want to start messing with the cover we had told the cops, but they had gotten some piece of the story incredibly wrong. 

But there wasn't anything I could do or say to defend myself at this point. 

"We don't mind that your... in fact..." Eoin starts.

"If any of you ask me for weed no one's getting hired," I say, and they laugh. 

"Just kidding, weed is not a good mix with my medication," Eoin grumbles. "Oh fuck, do I need to tell you if I'm on something."

"No," Ryder and I say at the same time. 

"It's just for my ADHD."

"That's your business," I say, "and I should probably get back to..." I trail off allowing myself to hear the rowdy table behind me. 

"Hey May," a younger lad says popping up from the rugby table, followed by another boy who looks very similar, definitely brothers maybe even twins. 

"Leave Cillian," Eoin warns.

The kid just smiles and picks one of her gold hair pins from Maeve's hair, her shoulders scrunching looking like a baby deer and get the fierce urge to protect her. 

Eoin rolls his eyes, "give it back, asshole."

The kid, most likely Cillian's brother nudges him, "just give it back to her."

"What is she going to do, cry?" Cillian mocks. 

"Shut the fuck up, Kill," Eoin sneers, standing up. Ryder puts his hand out to stop his friend and Caoimhe just clams up. 

"What are you going to do, Queer?" he says, and I interfere before anything else can progress, because what the hell was wrong with these Tommen kids?

"Hey," I snap, "you can either go sit with your group or leave."

Cillian looks me up and down, ignoring his brother trying to pull him down, "you gonna snitch on the team again?"

When I don't answer he just follows his brother back to his table and I'm reminded I really need to take their orders, but I don't really care what they want so they can wait a few more minutes. 

"What an asshole,"I comment, "they seemed kind of young to be on the team."

"They're subs," Eoin explains, "and the captain's little brothers."

"Oh that explains it," I say grimly. 

"They even have stupid names," Eoin agrees, "Kieran, Chris, Cillian, and Cian," he shudders. 

I rear back, "Kieran's their brother?"

"Half," Caoimhe defends, "they've all got the same mom, but Kieran had a different dad."

"Had?" I ask. 

"Yeah he passed away a bunch of years ago," Caoimhe says, and I figure she knows so much because Kieran's friends with Rory.

"They all live together though?" I ask looking back at the table, and how Kieran's sat at the opposite end than his half brothers, looking disinterested in them. 

"No," Caoimhe says, "Kier lives with us."

"What-" I start to say but am startled by the sound of cutlery banging against the table, and the chanting of "serve us, serve us, serve us..."

I really want to stay and ask more questions but I reluctantly walk back over and start taking orders, and them being the assholes that they are all order complicated dishes, some of them asking for specific things taken out or added in. 

Oddly enough the rugby trio from earlier were respectful but I was too distracted to be grateful. The kitchen was put into overdrive to get all the orders in but somehow everything went off without too many issues, and I'm able to take a minute to say goodbye to Maeve and her friends before they leave. 

As I'm bringing the bill, Chris starts up and I do my best to remain cool, but it's bloody difficult.

"So Holland," he starts, "what else will you do for the right price?"

"Excuse me?"

"You served us for a hundred, how much would it cost for you to serve me?" He asks, and the table roars in laughter. 

"I don't know Chris, how much do you usually have to pay?" I snap back. 

He frowns, "you'll be the first."

"Not enough money in the world," I say placing the bill down and grabbing a couple empty plates. 

"Oh come on," he urges, clearly trying to humiliate me and I have to admit it's hard to stay strong all of the time. "there's always a price with girls like you-"

"Shut the fuck up McGarry," Rory of all people snaps, "leave her alone."

"She ruined our season Kav," he argues. 

"You're taking it too far," Quinn agrees and Kieran just shoots, who I now know to be his half brother a harsh glare. 

"You've gone soft with all that fucking publicity," Chris grumbles. 

"When we were harassing girls before?" Rory asks sarcastically. 

I want to tell him I don't need him to defend me, because I don't, but it's kind of nice. 

I look over to him, making eye contact in a way of saying thanks but he only holds my gaze for a second before quickly looking away. 

Chapter Text

Thursday, September 15th

Rory:

Ever since I could remember I had been warned to stay away from anyone with the last name Holland. 

I didn't know the whole story about what happened with my uncle Joey, but I knew he had struggled with drugs before AJ was born and Shane Holland, Spencer's uncle, had been a big part of it. 

My mother and Uncle Joey were super close but their bond was different than Caoimhe and I's. Joey had been the one to walk his sister down the aisle when she married my father, and had given her away. 

I loved Caoimhe to death, but I never felt like I had raised her, or been anything other than a supportive brother. 

And my Mam is very protective of her older brother, and blamed Spencer's uncle for a lot of his issues. 

I mean, she mainly blamed my grandfather Teddy Lynch, but still we were all sufficiently warned away from the Hollands. 

I didn't think much of it at the time. I didn't think they crossed to our side of town that often so it didn't really matter all that much to me. 

But when I heard what had happened from the police as we were all informed we had been pulled out our championships and Quinn, Kier, and I had been suspended from the Academy, and a few days later I heard the name Spencer Holland, I finally understood my parent's words of warning. 

Because Joey could have gotten drugs from anywhere, but Shane pushed him, sought him out, encouraged him to get worse and worse. Made him rely on him. 

So yeah my team could've gotten drugs from anywhere, but a Holland would go the extra mile and get us all in trouble. 

Irreparably change our lives for what? I'm not sure. 

Maybe just school rivalry or wanting some type of revenge on the 'rich Tommen kids.'

I wasn't sure about her motivation, but I knew my family was right to never trust a Holland. 

It had been almost two weeks of Spencer attending Tommen and her presence was suffocating to say the least. 

Seeing her in the halls, in science class, in the cafeteria, with her friends, talking to my siblings, it was all too much.

I had felt so powerless for months, due to the actions of this girl and I thought seeing the other students isolate her and pick on her would offer some semblance of justice, but it just made me feel like shit. 

Because why would I ever want this girl to be bullied?

That wasn't me, even if she was literally the root of all my problems. 

Not to mention my two best friends were practically magnets to her new friends so we kept getting brought together, remaining in awkward silence, while Juliet and Quinn bickered and Kieran just kind of stared at Evelyn who pretended not to notice. 

I also couldn't help that I kind of liked her. 

She had this sort of fierce determination about her, this sort of complex that made her strong and unmovable. Everything about her enticed me, and brought me closer. 

Like a siren, luring me in and then stealing my soul. 

Except she didn't want anything to do with me, and she didn't hide it. 

"Where's Addie?" I ask Erin and Connor, who I'm standing with because Kieran's nowhere to be found and Quinn is at Juliet's table and I really don't want to be over there right now.

"She's already left for that football tournament in Galway," Erin explains, "won't be back until Sunday."

Connor groans, "I would way rather be on a bus full of girls right now than this miserable place."

I got what I meant, not the bus full of girls thing, but I was still suspended from the Academy and I missed getting to leave Ballylaggin a couple times a week. 

We were having a meeting on Saturday, so ideally by next week Quinn, Kieran, and I would be back training. 

"Hey, how's Keev doing with her ballet stuff?" Addies asks, "I heard about the audition."

"Christ, it's been like the Cold War at our house," Connor says and before I can comment, Chris McGarry's walking over. 

He was in Connor and Erin's year and a complete menace. 

"Hey Kav," Chris says smugly, and I nod at him, "come check this out."

I eye Connor and Erin and we all tentatively walk behind him and out of the corner of my eye I see Eve and Jules get up Quinn following, leaving Spencer alone and suddenly I have a bad feeling about whatever McGarry's got planned. 

And I walk a little faster as I see Chris grab something, a large yellow bucket and walk behind an unsuspecting Spencer. 

I start running over to her, Erin and Connor on my heels. 

"What are you-" Spencer starts but is cut off by Chris dropping a couple of litres of old mop water, likely snatched from the custodian. 

And my last second attempts to stop Chris result in all five of us getting massively wet, but none of us drenched like Spencer who tries blinking the water out, her uniform soaked, and her hair so wet it's sticking to her forehead. 

She whips her head behind her to presumably tell McGarry off, but we're interrupted by another voice, "you are dead Mc-"

The office secretary Marg steps out seemingly out of nowhere, "Miss Holland."

Spencer's head turns at the sharp tone. 

"You five," she gestures to us all, "Twomey's office now."

Chapter Text

Thursday, September 15th

Spencer:

I sit on the bench outside Mr. Twomey's principal, my uniform soaked and my hair drenched and actively dripping water. Thankfully I wasn't wearing my blazer so I was able to put that over my now translucent white button up. 

The others were slightly wet, Rory the most but nothing compared to me. 

I tried my best not to hate Tommen, and recognize that it was just a few students who I actually hated, but the sounds of laughter echoing around the cafeteria made me lose a lot of the faith I had in the student body. 

At least Jules and Evie had already left, so they weren't affected or else they'd also be soaked and having to call their parents to the school. 

Charlie rounds the corner and he has a stern yet amused look in his eyes, taking in the view of me sitting beside the rich Tommen kids. I felt like I was about to get put away for white-collar crime.

He looked sort of artfully disheveled like a trinity classics student rather than a Ballylaggin drug dealer. He wore dark wash jeans, with a paperback in his back pocket, and a cream coloured button up, reading glasses in his breast pocket.

Erin turns to me, "please dear god tell me he's eighteen."

"What?"

"Your brother, that is one of the hottest men I've seen ever," she says wistfully, looking at him.

"Twenty-three," I say laughing.

She groans, "just my luck." Rory looks at her like she's crazy and Connor just looks amused. Chris is sitting so far away he probably can't even hear.

I walk over to my brother, "this is new," I say, because it wasn't like me to get in trouble, this was more Cole's domain. 

"Let's not make a habit of it," he says, "do I have to sign something or what?"

"Twomey wants to talk to you and their parents," I say.

"Nah, I called my brother," Erin pipes in.

"You were supposed to call Joey or Aoife," Rory says.

"I heard Spencer call her brother, thought AJ would be a little more agreeable than my Da."

Rory groans, "Holland's brother is her guardian."

"Oh," Erin says, "fuck."

"Just lie and say your parents you were busy," I offer.

"That moral compass really knows no bounds," Rory grumbles, and I tense.

Charlie turns to me, "I do not envy you attending this place."

"Why?" Connor asks, "Tommen's great."

"Uhh," Charlie hesitates.

"He meant you're all spoiled brats," I clarify and Charlie shoots me a look, "hey, tell me I'm wrong."

"AJ!" Erin calls out and we turn to see the blonde man walking through and I can't help myself, I walk over to Rory and Erin.

"Please, tell me he's eighteen," I pretend to beg.

He doesn't look amused, "leave my family alone, and he's gay."

I walk back over to Charlie who's looking over at AJ Lynch.

Although, I was joking he really was good looking, a perfect mix of his parents. I couldn't help but think of how he was born in the same year as Charlie, both born from teenage parents, but their lives had been drastically different.

AJ greets Erin and his cousins and then walks over to Charlie and I, reaching his hand out to shake my brother's.

"I'm AJ Lynch, Erin's brother."

"Charlie Holland, Spencer's brother," he greets, and I can't help but notice the way AJ tenses when he hears our last name.

A common occurrence, and Charlie instantly clams up, moving closer to me.

"Hey, Charlie," Erin calls out and I'm genuinely scared of what she's going to say to my poor brother.

"Yes?"

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Connor lightly elbows her, and she smirks, "it's just a question."

Charlie just turns back to me, not wanting to engage, so I speak up, "leave him alone, Lolita." Charlie gives me a look at the literary reference but relaxes.

I actually don't think Charlie's ever been in a relationship. I've never seen him with anyone.

I kind of just thought he was asexual or something, but one time Cole got really drunk after him and Charlie had a fight and told me how a year prior he saw Charlie kissing another guy at a party.

He waited for weeks for Charlie to... I guess come out to him, but he never did.

Cole cried in my arms that night, wondering why Charlie didn't trust him enough to talk to him about that stuff. Why he wouldn't confide in him, or at least tell him.

Cole was an open book, if he liked a girl the whole street knew. He would ask for Charlie's advice in every aspect of his life, but despite all of the books Charlie read, he was closed off.

Just then Rory and Connor's father, Johnny Kavanagh arrived and I couldn't help but tense. He was super tall, the same height as Connor but way more intimidating.

"Hey Da," Connor says, "kind of refreshing, Rory being here too right?"

"Oh yeah," he says sarcastically, and then looks to Erin, "where's your other half?" and then looks to AJ, "where's Joe?"

"Addie's at a football match, and Erin thought she was clever and called me instead," AJ says.

Johnny then looks to my brother and I, and Rory speaks up first, "these are the Hollands."

I grimace, I had gotten used to the Tommen student body and staff hating me, but random adults I had never met threw me for a bit of a loop.

He didn't look at us maliciously though, and I was grateful, just more calculating.

"Are you Shane's-" he starts.

"He's our uncle," Charlie supplies.

"And are you?" When did it become okay to ask people if they were drug dealers? Especially when they knew we were.

"There's no escaping the family business," Charlie replies grimly and turns back to me.

For the first time Rory looks at me with sympathy in his eyes, and it kind of makes my skin crawl. I didn't want his pity, I didn't want these people to feel sorry for me.

"I just meant are you Spencer's brother?" Charlie nods. Johnny tries to lighten the mood, "looks like both the girls were running schemes."

The room goes quiet, in awkwardness, and Charlie looks like he's praying for a sink hole to scoop him up, so I speak up because he's looked out for me my entire life, quite literally raised me for the last six years, it's the least I can do.

"Charlie's been my legal guardian since I was eleven," I say.

AJ looks a little confused, "wouldn't that have made you still in high school?"

To my surprise Charlie speaks up, "we stayed with family for a couple weeks after our parents died, until I turned eighteen, then I dropped out and moved out with the kids."

The air is thick with tension, and I want to go back to a time when they all just thought I was the drug dealer bitch.

"Kids? Multiple?" Johnny asks.

"We have a brother," I say, "he just turned twenty."

"Jesus," Johnny says, looking at with us a sad look in his eyes and I turn back to Charlie, and communicate to him.

I sign, "did you have to do that?"

"They think we're white trash drug dealers," he signs back.

"Well we are."

"You aren't, they should feel bad."

"You've made it awkward."

"It was already awkward, and you made it worse, we're literally talking with our hands."

"This would be badass if we were speaking like French or Russian."

"Oh yeah," he gives me a look, "let's start speaking Russian in front of these people."

Once Chris's dad Ronan arrives, we all just look around at each other in silence.

Pulling us from our conversation, Twomey opens the door and ushers us all in. There's only two chairs, that Erin and Connor sit in without a second thought. Erin laying over it, putting her feet on Connor's arm rest.

"Mr. Kavanagh, Mr. Lynch, Mr. McGarry, Mr.Holland," he greets, and then turns to us, "students."

"I've spoken with Marge, the staff member who witnessed the incident and Miss Holland will receive a three day suspension along with two weeks of detention, the rest of you are free to go."

Fucking Marge.

"Okay," I mutter, about to turn to Charlie.

"Wait what?" Rory calls out.

"Is Miss Holland's punishment not adequate in your opinion?" Mr. Twomey asks, like he's just itching to expel me.

"No, she didn't do anything," Rory explains, "she was the victim, why would she be in trouble?"

"I don't understand," Twomey says.

"What do you think happened?" Erin asks.

"Miss Holland played a cruel prank on you four."

"Yeah, that's how I remember it," Chris smirks, and then looks to the others, to gain their support. And if they do, and push for further punishment, I'm done here. I can kiss my high school diploma goodbye.

"Yeah no," Connor says.

"God, you are such a waste of space Chris," Erin says, rolling her eyes.

Rory starts, "the prank was of Chris's design, it was targeted at Spencer."

Why were these people ratting out one of their own, to defend me? They all blamed me for their issues and yet here they were.

"And what was you three's involvement?"

"He called us over to watch it play out, when we realized what was happening we tried to stop it, but it was too late, Rory tried to push her out of the way, but we all got splashed," Erin supplies.

"Is this true?" Mr. Twomey looks to me, and I nod. "Why didn't you say anything just now?"

"I just assumed they would cooberate the lie," I say.

"Tommen brings up respectful, and honourable students, Miss Holland," Twomey says.

"What'd you do with McGarry then, forget him in the storage shed?" AJ asks, and even Johnny can't help but laugh a little.

"I'll have to reconvene with Marge and I'll reconsider your punishment."

"Fuck that," Rory says, "no one should be punished except for Chris."

I think this might be the first time for Rory that the adults in his life have failed him. 

"With a first hand account from a staff member, I can't dismiss it, I'll make a decision at a later time," he then turns to Charlie, "I'll call if Spencer can attend tomorrow's lessons."

"Thanks," Charlie says.

"What do you mean 'thanks'?" Rory asks, outraged, "Spencer didn't do anything."

"Chill Kavanagh," I say "let it go."

"Would this be how you treated Caoimhe if she came in for the same situation?" Johnny asks.

"Now, that would be different," he says, "Miss Holland has a record, she's at risk of evoking violence, it is completely different circumstances."

"Wait," I say, "why... I've never been violent, why would you say that?" I ask, genuinely confused.

"I have access to your record Spencer."

"I've never," I say.

"You were violent towards another student in Primary school-"

"That was sixth class, and there was a reason, I know it says the reason in the file," I rarely felt the need to defend myself, I was all too familiar with how places like Tommen treated people like me, but this was outrageous.

"It still stands."

"This is bullshit," Connor says, like this is the first time he's ever witnessed injustice, and I honestly think it might be, "I was in here for a fight last week, and I didn't get accused of anything. Does my file say risk of violence?"

"Yeah does mine?" Erin asks.

"What about me?" Rory asks.

"Yeah, what did I have written in there?" AJ asks.

I look to Charlie and sign, "what the hell is going on?"

He signs back, "rich people are so fucking weird."

"Hey what are you two doing?" Twomey asks, and it takes me a minute to realize he's asking about me and Charlie.

"Special drug dealer codes," I say, without thinking, and I think he believes me, "it's sign language."

"Oh."

"You never answered our questions," Rory prompts.

He sighs, "I see why you kids are upset, but quite frankly the situation isn't as black and white as it seems."

"We're the Greasers, they're the Socs," Charlie whispers to me, and I can't help but laugh at the Outsiders reference, and AJ who's standing beside us, laughs too.

"What did you say boy?" Mr. Twomey asks Charlie, and it shocks me, because Charlie had been an adult since I could remember, long before he blew out eighteen candles on his birthday cake. A metaphor of course, because we couldn't afford sugar and matches, let alone cake and candles.

"I said, we trust your judgement, I'll take Spencer home, so she can think about what she did," he says in an even tone, "and I hope she'll be able to come to this fine school tomorrow."

"This isn't fair," Rory reiterates.

"Just take the win, Kav," Ronan says to Rory and Johnny.

We all file out of the office, and I start to walk with Charlie, but Rory catches up to me, and Charlie hangs back, walking slowly and AJ starts talking to him, probably not noticing my brother's discomfort.

"Why did you and your brother not fight that?"

"To be honest, I was just glad I didn't get expelled."

"That story was bullshit though."

"Well Marge and I don't get along all that well, so it was to be expected," I say.

"You should have fought it."

He didn't understand that in my world, it didn't matter who was at fault. My last name was Holland and theirs were Kavanagh, Lynch, and McGarry. 

"Why would I? I have such valiant Tommen kids to do it for me?" I tease.

"You're so weird," Rory says, and honestly it's rich coming from him.

"Why did you fight it? Wouldn't it solve all your problems, if I got expelled?" I ask.

"Not like this."

"Okay..." I feel awkward, ugh why was today so fucking awkward? "I should go save my brother."

"You don't need to save him, AJ's nice."

"You clearly don't know my brother," I say, and fall back to walk in line with Charlie who looks grateful at my arrival.

"What are the nerds talking about?" I ask.

"Your brother was telling me where you learnt sign language," AJ says smiling.

"Ah yes, the Russian training camps were cold but useful," I say, and Charlie side eyes me.

"Huh?" AJ asks.

"Fuck off Spence," Charlie says, not able to completely hide his laugh.

"Well if you two want to keep talking..." I say, and Charlie puts an arm around my shoulder, communicating that he wanted to go, so I lead him to my locker where I need to get my stuff, and were now alone, all classes in session.

"What'd you think of AJ?" I ask.

"I don't know he was fine," Charlie says leaning against the locker beside mine. "Why?"

"He was cute," I prompt, trying to remain casual as I put my science textbook in my backpack.

"He's a little old for you, Spence."

"You two are the same age.." I say, trying to be smooth, and like nothing's out of the ordinary.

"Drop it."

I close my locker and secure the lock, and turn so my back is against the metal, "I just don't want you to be lonely."

"I'm not, I've got you and Cole."

"Oh my God, that is so sad Char," I groan, "what happens when Cole inevitably knocks a girl up and I'm playing for the national camogie team?"

"I'll go back to school."

"Wait what-" I say, "I was joking, do you want to go to school Charlie?"

"I can just be your groupie," he deflects, "and Cole could probably use a babysitter."

"Or you could romance up a hot law student, get an English degree, and write a bunch of bestsellers."

"Is AJ a law student?" He cringes, but I think he's a little impressed.

"Huh, you admitted he's hot," I say and he grimaces, "and now you've imagined a future with him, can I be your best man at the wedding?"

"No."

"Can I give you away?"

"It feels like that's what you're trying to do now," he grumbles.

"Just think about it, I'll get his number from Erin."

"I'm a Holland, a fancy law student doesn't want that," he then corrects himself, "you're different though. You can do whatever you want." 

"So can you, and AJ was totally into you," I say, "he was ready to propose after that Outsiders comment."

"You're an idiot," he grumbles, but he doesn't tell me not to get his number, so I take it as a win.

I smile in triumph, as if I'm not literally leaving school with the threat of suspension hung in the air, "you know like twenty minutes ago, I was wondering if you were asexual."

"What?" He says taken back. 

"You should tell Cole about your crush, he'll want to be included."

"It's not a crush, Jesus."

"Whatever you say."

Chapter Text

"Oh good," I remark, "it's the breakfast club from hell."

Rory looks to me, slouched in his chair. Connor and Erin are both sitting on top of the table beside his, and Chris is sitting in the corner of the room, his hood up with a vacant look on his face, and a black eye that wasn't there on Thursday.

"Who am I?" Erin asks.

"The princess of course," I say.

"Do me," Connor says and I don't miss the smirk at the double entendre.

"The jock."

"Wouldn't that be Rory?" He asks. 

"Nah, he's the brain," I say. 

Leaving me as the criminal.

"I'm not dancing," Rory mutters and I almost want to congratulate for making a joke or for getting a pop culture reference.

Erin slides over to me, "so don't we end up together then?"

"You got a diamond earring?" I ask.

"I'll bring it next detention," she says.

"I'll be waiting," I joke. 

I sit down at the table next to theirs, awaiting Mr. Fane to come in.

All things considered one Saturday detention and a one day suspension on Friday, wasn't too bad. I just hadn't expected for the rest of the people involved to get detention too.

Suddenly I feel a paper ball at the back of my head, and I look back to see Chris looking back at me smirking.

I turn back around and see Mr. Fane walking into the library with Kieran.

"Looks like we've got our basket case," I mutter. 

"What'd you do?" Connor asks, but Ryan just sits down beside Rory without a word and our attentions' brought back to Mr. Fane at the front of the library.

"Okay you're each tasked with an essay about one other person in this group-"

"Dibs on Erin!" Connor shouts out, at the same time as Erin yells, "dibs on Con!"

"You have the freedom to choose partners, no limit or minimum on words, on their perspective of the world, try to see through their eyes, here's a list of questions to get the process started, but ideally you'll use these as a starting point and form your own questions."

I dread having to go over to Chris, but if worse comes to worse, I can just ramble about rugby and daddy issues. I get up to stand but to my surprise, I see Kieran's already walking over there.

"Okay, have fun," he says, clearly wanting to get out of here. 

I walk over to Rory's table, as Mr. Fane leaves and Connor and Erin immediately move to the bean bags in the corner of the room.

"Hi interviewee," I say.

"Hey," he says, looking over at Kieran and Chris.

"Aw, sad your friend left you," I say. "It's gotta hurt being turned over for Chris."

"It's not that," he says, and then looks at the worksheets in front of us, "let's just get this over with."

I look at the page, reading the first question out, "what experiences have you had that have shaped your core beliefs about life and people?"

"Ah starting off light then," he jokes, "I don't know like my siblings births maybe."

"Do you remember them?"

He tongues his cheek, "not really...fine you go."

"Okay, well just the experience of growing up with my last name, it's really telling about people when they just write me off right away," I say, and then continue, because he looks genuinely interested, "my parents' dying, I think the way that Charlie stepped up, made me think... that some people are just inherently good."

"Your brother's a drug dealer," he says immediately, like I needed a reminder. 

"Remember what I said about how some people just write me off?" I ask sardonically.

"I didn't mean-"

"Do you not want to take this seriously? because I can just make up some shit about how you've had a perfect life and then some druggy bitch came along and ruined it."

"No, that's not what I meant."

"Then answer the question," I prompt.

"Well, I guess the experience of having a really big family made me... I don't know, appreciate the value of it and made me I don't know..." he struggles.

"Feel like you were never alone?"

He looks to me then, "yeah, yeah exactly, and I guess it kind of gave me this complex where if I did good things, like look out for them, I knew they'd have my back too, and I guess I kinda thought the whole world was like that when I was little," he hesitates, "and then it wasn't, and it was kind of jarring."

Was he kind of deep? Probably not. 

"What do you value most in relationships, romantic or otherwise, and why?" I ask, moving on swiftly.

"I think this works best if you answer first," he says.

"So you can see how deep I go, so you don't show your hand too much," I accuse, but I don't let him reply, and I just answer the question.

"I think honesty, and I like knowing where I stand with someone."

"What do you mean?"

"Like, I don't want to guess how important I am to another person, I hate it when people play games, friendship or relationship," not that I had ever been in a real relationship, "I want to feel comfortable telling them how I feel and I want the same in return."

"Oh."

"That's why I hate Tommen to be honest, the constant stream of fake people is exhausting, and yeah being a Terrace kid sucks, but there's not really a point in ever pretending to be someone you're not," I say, and I can't believe how honest I'm being, "I can't imagine not truly knowing my friends or my family."

"That's really...yeah."

"What about you?" I ask, and then add, "don't say you only date blondes."

"I wasn't going to," he laughs, "what you said and I like it when people are reliable."

"Ooh sexy," I tease.

He makes a face at me, but continues, "I'm not a very spontaneous person, I like to know what I'm getting in for."

"Rugby dreamboat, ladies and gentlemen," I say.

He picks up the paper, "how do you handle pain or disappointment?"

"Well."

He looks to me, to continue, but I think my answer suffices, "I have to do something about it, and it drives me kind of crazy when I can't, like with the scandal, I just wanted to do an interview to clear my name, but the lawyers just kept telling me to stay home and talk to no one," he says, "and when Caoimhe-" he cuts himself off, "she was going through something and I couldn't do anything."

I nod, because I definitely get what he means, and then move on, "Is there a moment in your life that changed you forever?" I ask, and he answers first.

"To be honest, when you sold my team drugs and then exposed us."

Exposed them? Did Cole? I better just go with it, so I don't create holes in our story.

"What about you?" He asks.

"Is it cliche to say my parents dying?" I ask.

He doesn't answer, just asks another question, "do you believe people are inherently good, bad, or a mix of both?"

"Bad," I lie. 

"Really?" He asks actually looking at me for the first time today. 

"No, I think people are as good as their actions, were not made to be a certain way, we decide what we do, we decide how we deal with things, and that's what makes us a little more complicated than good or bad, but I don't think there's anything that truly tips the scales entirely," I say, "what about you?"

"I guess there's a spectrum, of that kind of thing."

"Where do I fall on Rory Kavanagh's spectrum of morality?" I can't help but ask. 

"I don't know you all that well, can't get a proper read," he says.

"What about you? Where do you fall?"

"Somewhere in the middle," he says cryptically. 

Chapter Text

Saturday, September 17th

Spencer:

By the time we're finished our questions, the hours start to drag on. Resulting in us all moving from the tables to sit in one of the aisles between two shelves.

Even Kieran and Chris join in, sitting on either side of the circle we've formed.

Them being half brothers seriously messed with my brain. 

Deep into a game of truth or dare, where it's really only Erin and Connor interested in what we're doing. 

"Okay I'll ask what everyone's wondering," Erin suddenly declares.

"What are we all thinking?" Connor asks.

"What did Spencer do in sixth class?"

"What happened with sixth class?"Kieran asks, looking to me, intrigue in his black eyes.

I look around at the people sitting around me, and question whether I really want to divulge any of my life to them.

"An act of violence," Connor says ominously. 

"Come on," Erin pleads, "we've all be open and honest."

"Okay fine, my friend Meghan," I start.

"Your Goalkeeper?" Connor asks.

I mourn a time when the team was mine, when I was apart of the group.

I nod, "anyways, Meghan used to be Martin, and well... this asshole Elias Rice tried to pull her skirt down, to... humiliate her, and I saw what he was about to do, so I hit him."

"Oh," Erin says. "That doesn't really sound like something that would haunt your record."

"I hit him hard, I gave him a concussion, and broke his arm."

"Fucking deserved," Connor says.

"Yeah, well Elias told the teachers he wasn't going near Meghan, and I fought him for no reason."

"They believed him?" Rory asks, oddly concerned.

"Yeah, and it wasn't like it went against my family's reputation," I say looking down, "so I got suspended for two weeks, and I had to apologize to Elias."

"That is such bullshit," Erin says.

"I didn't need to hurt him that bad," I admit, "I could have just pushed him off and got a teacher, but I... I just went too far, I was angry, and I took it too far."

I don't mention it was about a month after my parents' death and I wasn't all that well. 

"Do you regret it?" Rory asks.

I sigh, "no...I regret that what I did still follows me, but to this day nobody's gone after her out of fear, so that's worth it."

"You're like the most fascinating person I've ever met," Erin comments.

"Don't leave Tommen much do you?" I ask rhetorically.

"Your turn to ask Spence," she says.

"Okay, truth or dare Erin?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to give me your brother's phone number," I say.

She laughs, "he's twenty-three and gay."

"Perfect."

"That's your type?" Connor asks laughing, "good to know, good to know." Rory shoots his brother a look but he just ignores it.

Erin's eyes light up, "it's for you brother isn't it?"

"Nope, AJ is perfect for me," I lie, "can't back out on a dare, Lynch."

"Yeah, okay," she says, "and I was going to try to get your brother's number for AJ later."

I grab the piece of paper with his phone number, "tell your brother to expect a call from me," I say, and then grab my own piece of paper, "but just in case, I'm too shy, here's mine too," I say, handing her Charlie's number.

Rory gives her a heated look, "Erin, how do you think your parents are going to react to AJ going out with a Holland?"

"Charlie wasn't involved in the scandal thing," Erin says annoyed at her cousin. 

"He's still a Holland," he says, and then turns to me, "I know you hate it when people write you off, and assume they knew you, but everything I've thought about your family has been true."

"Rory that's enough," Connor snaps.

He turns to me, "they're not your friends, they're just bored of their own lives, and looking for entertainment."

Everyone looks a little stunned at his sudden cruelty, well Chris looks like he's finding this entertaining, but everyone else is looking at Rory oddly, and it makes me think this wasn't usual behaviour for him. 

It almost hurt more to know that it was me who was eliciting these reactions. Because Chris McGarry would be bullying someone else if I wasn't there as any easy target, but Rory was changing himself for me specifically. 

"Rory, that's not true-" Erin starts.

"Last week it was taking Molly and going to raves, this week it's the terrace girl who ruined the school's reputation, and next week will be something equally as temporary."

"Stop being such an asshole-" Connor starts but I cut him off.

"No, he's right," I say standing up, "I'm sorry I thought you were more than a jock with an influential family."

"Hey-"

"It was my mistake," I say and walk back over to my table, picking up the pencil again.

I knew those people weren't my friends, but I liked spending time with them. I had forgot who I was to them. I would forever be a novelty or a nuisance. But never, ever one of them.

By the time Mr. Fane comes back to collect our work, everyone's quiet, the air is thick with tension, and I just want to go home. 

And not just back to my apartment and my brothers, I want to go back to BCS, back to my camogie team, back to my girls. Back to where I belonged, because if today made anything clear it was that I certainly didn't belong here. 

Chapter Text

The Perspective of Rory Kavanagh by Spencer Holland

What does it mean to live life through the eyes of rugby star Rory Kavanagh? I thought it meant fame, motivation, and loyalty. When in reality, it's much more. He's much more. To live life in the shoes of Rory, is to live afraid. It is to be afraid of failure, afraid of trying, afraid of living. It is to put your family's live before your own happiness. It is to create expectations that are unattainable, and it is to believe the world inherently owes you something. It is to believe that if you do something, it will come back to you. Resulting in doing a whole lot of nothing, and expecting good things to happen, because as long as it's not negative it must be positive. Right?

To live as Rory Kavanagh is to live a lonely life. To live as Rory Kavanagh is to live a life of supposed duty and responsibility.

It is to live a life of medium. Medium happy, medium sadness. Medium living, medium being alive.

Maybe I'm wrong about him, but maybe I'm right. Maybe he's happy, maybe he's miserable.

I don't know.

Four and a half hours isn't enough time to know anything about another person.

Especially when my subject knows nothing about himself.

Sincerely, the Criminal.

The Perspective of  Connor Kavanagh by Erin Lynch 

To live life through the eyes or Conor Kavanagh is to have like a whole new perspective because he's super tall.

Connor is competitive, and a great at hurling.

To live as Connor is to put too much pressure on yourself, create nonexistent comparisons, and to torture yourself for the opinions of others, when everyone who matters already thinks the world of you.

Love ya, Con!

Sincerely, the Princess

The Perspective of  Chris McGarry by Kieran Ryan

To live life through the eyes of Chris is to live life as a waste of oxygen.

It is to suck the marrow out of life.

It is to prey on those weaker.

It is to be hated.

I hate Chris McGarry.

Sincerely, the Basket Case

The Perspective of  Erin Lynch by Connor Kavanagh

To live life through the eyes of Erin Lynch is to live in disguise. It is to appear unsuspecting, while being in the smartest in the room. (At least when it's just her and I)

If you lived her life for a while, you'd definitely learn a lot of new math stuff because she's amazing at all that.

To live life through her would be to never take credit, to allow society to decide who you are and work silently within the confines.

What'd she say about me?

Sincerely, the Jock

The Perspective of  Kieran Ryan by Chris McGarry 

Kieran is a psycho, and I'm not doing this.

Sincerely, - not doing that cheesy shit

The Perspective of  Spencer Holland by Rory Kavanagh

To look through the lens of Spencer Holland's life is to take a trip to the bad end of town, and get lost. I know nothing of her world, and yet I judge her relentlessly.

It isn't fair, I know it isn't fair. But maybe those movies and books and plays have it wrong and some people aren't meant to mix.

I mean if Romeo and Juliet had stayed with their own families, they'd both still be alive.

If Johnny and Ponyboy didn't mix with the Socs then Johnny and Dally would still be alive.

Spencer Holland is guarded and damaged. Protective and Loyal. Strong and unrelenting.

To live life as Spencer is to be quick and witty. To fight for those you care about, and to leave no one behind.

It is to not form opinions based on last names, but on people. It is to give people the benefit of the doubt.

It is to be a better person than I am.

Spencer Holland is a better person than I am.

Sincerely, the Brain

Chapter Text

Shannon:

Why are our kids in detention?

Leah:

Connor?

Shannon:

Connor, Rory, and Kieran.

Aoife:

Erin too. 

Claire:

What did Rory do? And how is Quinn not there when Kier and Rory are?

Shannon:

Apparently there was some type of incident with the Holland girl and Chris and the kids got caught in the middle of it, and then Kier got in a fight with his brother yesterday.

Aoife:

That Holland seems like trouble, the kids should just stay away from her. 

Emily:

Gar said Spencer's a really great girl, she's the one that started the camogie team at BCS

Leah:

I wanted a camogie team so bad when I went there, she must have worked her ass off for it.

Shannon:

I know, I read that article they did about the team and her, and it literally broke my heart.

Aoife:

Are we forgetting about the whole ruining the boys' careers thing?

Katie:

She's in my first block class and I love her to be honest.

Leah:

Will said the same thing. 

Claire:

Quinn said she terrorizes your music class.

Katie:

That would be your son.

Claire:

What???

Katie:

First day he walked in late and called me 'Kit Kat'. 

Claire:

I need to stop listening to my boys when they tell me about their lives, it's half lies at this point. 

Lizzie:

I don't care if she lights your bakery on fire, that Spencer girl is all Maeve can talk about and she's genuinely helping her.

Shannon:

Aww, Caoimhe mentioned Maeve feeling better.

Lizzie:

I honestly thought we might have to homeschool May this year, and now she's working as a bloody waitress, that girl's good in my books. 

Katie:

I'm guessing the whole situation was her family and we're not getting the whole picture.

Aoife:

But look at the facts, when has Rory ever had detention, and now in comes this girl, suspended from the academy, nationally disgraced, and now detention, bringing down his cousins no less. 

Emily:

Erin was going to be in there for breaking dress code already.

Aoife:

Narc.

Shannon:

Yeah I think Katie might be onto something because Johnny met the girl and her brother, and he took custody of her and their brother when he was eighteen, so I really can't judge. 

Aoife:

Fuck really? Now I feel like a bitch. 

Leah:

Did you not have to go in to see Twomey?

Aoife:

No, the troublemaker herself called AJ.

Claire:

Ugh, when did our kids stop telling us stuff?

Shannon:

At least you still have two that aren't teenagers, all of mine are at that stage.

Aoife:

I feel you. 

Aoife:

Katie you're supposed to say 'me too, teenagers are the worst.'

Katie:

I don't really feel like that, but I'm sure your kids will get back to you because they know you love them unconditionally. 

Aoife:

Okay what?

Shannon:

So should I be worried about three out of the four kids in my house being in trouble with the school (plus Caoimhe who isn't talking to me right now, but that's a whole separate issue.)

Lizzie:

It's probably fine. 

Emily:

Yeah, especially with Chris involved, it's probably more on him than the kids are letting on. 

Claire:

Don't worry about it babe, everything will be fine!!!

Lizzie:

Too many exclamation points Claire.

Claire:

Noted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Liz:

...

Shannon:

Okay thanks guys this helped. 

Katie:

Anytime <3

Lizzie:

Of course.

Claire:

:)))))))

Emily:

Happy to help.

Leah:

Always excited to hear the teen drama!

Aoife:

Yeah thanks guys :)

Chapter Text

"Hey, hey," my father says stopping me from walking past him to leave for school.

"What's up?" I ask, bending down to tie my shoe laces. 

"Why is your brother mad at you?"

I stand up, almost as tall as him, but not quite, "ask him."

"I'm asking you," he says, and when I don't respond he adds, "I know last year has been really hard for you, but you've getting in trouble in school, fighting with your siblings," he says, and I know he means well but I really just don't want to talk about it all, "I just mean you can always talk to me, you're my son." 

"I..." I look down feeling embarrassed of it now, "I said something to offend that Holland girl and Connor wasn't too happy about it."

"Why did you do it?" He asks, and I like that he doesn't ask me what I said, but he's more interested in what I was thinking when I said it. 

"Just..." I hang my head, but I feel a little better when my dad puts his hand on my shoulder, "Erin's trying to set up AJ with Charlie, Spencer's brother, and I just... I mean think of how that would make Joey feel?"

"Did you explain that?" He asks, "did you tell Connor and Erin why you were apprehensive about it?" He asks knowing I didn't.

"No, I told Spencer, that Con and Erin were just bored and that everything I had heard about her family was true," I admit, and saying it, makes it too fucking real. 

My dad cringes, and I feel like I've let him down once again this year, "Jesus, Ror."

"I feel like shit already," I say, "and I think it really hurt her and now, I don't know I just feel bad."

"Well try apologizing, to Spencer, and your brother and cousin."

"Yeah, I know," I say. 

"You ready to go Ror?" Kieran asks me and I nod walking out the front door, sliding into the drivers seat. Kier's in the passenger seat, and Connor and Caoimhe in the back. 

"Con?" I call out.

He pulls off his headphones, "yeah?"

"I'm sorry for the shit I said on Saturday, I didn't mean it."

"Didn't you though?" He retorts. 

"Wait, what did you do Ror?" Caoimhe asks. 

"Wow she speaks," Kieran comments. 

"Funny," she deadpans. "I'm just not talking to my parents right now."

"No what you're doing is being a brat," Kieran says, and I've never really gotten their relationship dynamic. 

Kieran moved in when he was ten, after his father passed away and he didn't want to move in his mother and step dad, and Caoimhe was seven. They were much more like siblings than him and his half brothers and I think Caoimhe liked him, because he didn't coddle her. 

As a family we all did our best to not upset her, but Kier didn't care and called it like it was, but I knew he cared for her like a little sister. 

"If I had been able to train over the summer-"

"Yeah, and if you hadn't been a fourteen year old drug addict things might have gone a little differently,"  he says not maliciously just sort of tough. 

"Cut it out," I say but I didn't disagree. 

"Whatever," Caoimhe says pulling out AirPods from her bag and tuning the rest of us out. 

"It's fine Ror," Connor says, bringing up our previous conversation, "but I think you should apologize to Spencer."

"Yeah," I nod, "I'm going to, Erin too."

By the time I get to school I've played through the correct words to say Spencer over and over. 

I was honestly lost when it came to her, I mean I should hate her, she ruined my life. 

But something about the look in her eyes on Saturday when she walked away from the group had gutted me. 

I find her standing between Juliet and Evelyn and awkwardly stand until I can get her attention. 

"What do you want?" Juliet sneers, and it's almost comical coming from her. She was around the same height as my mother, but scary as hell. And not because of the gothic makeup, because of the way she could take someone down with just her words and her glares. 

"Can I talk to Spencer?" I ask, her small guard dog. 

"No you elitist piece-" Juliet starts but Spencer cuts her off.

"It's fine Jules," she says stepping away from her friends, and then signs something to Eve and the two of them walk away looking back at me. 

"What do you want Kavanagh?" Spencer asks, disinterested. 

"I just wanted to apologize-"

"No need."

"No, I was out of line," I say. 

"You meant it though right?" I can't quite find the words to respond, "if you're going to say stuff like that, may as well own up to it."

"I... I don't want that."

"At least Chris doesn't hide his distaste for me," she says her voice strong and even, and I admire her for it, even if it's my expense, "either commit to being an asshole or don't."

Did she think I was on the same level as Chris?

"Spencer, I was just-" I say and then try again, "the whole AJ and your brother thing caught me off guard."

"Don't worry, I didn't give him his number," she says her voice cold and detached.

I run my hand through my hair, not really knowing what to do. 

I knew it was stupid, but I was aware I lived a very charmed life. 

Sure there were some issues, like my sister's mental health and my sometimes strained relationship with my brother, and other things, but there's always been things I can do to fix it. 

I can spend more time with my siblings, help out, find solutions. 

If something's wrong I want to get my hands dirty and solve it. 

But Spencer Holland wasn't something to be solved. 

She brought up these weird emotions and even now when I'm trying to apologize she won't accept it. 

"I... I'm sorry."

"Okay," she replies cooly, " I accept your apology, Kavanagh."

And with that she walks in the direction of the music room, leaving me feeling like I very much didn't apologize and still feeling very much like an asshole. 

Chapter Text

Tuesday, September 19th

Spencer:

"I genuinely loathe calculus," I say, "genuinely this is hell," I say, "Jules I'm in hell."

"Well you could have not gone in an honours class," Juliet says looking up from her science textbook. 

"Me and Marg," I say dropping my head onto my notebook, "she pushes me to be better," I muse, "she sees something in me."

Juliet chuckles, "I think she just hates you."

I bring my head back up, "that too."

"Look, if you need help this girl in fifth year tutors, I cheer with her sister, so I could ask for you," she offers.

"Yeah that sounds good," I say, "where's Eve? I thought she was meeting us before class started."

"I don't know, I'll text her," she says and I go back to looking at the swimming numbers and letters on my page, "she's in the library."

"Oh," I say surprised, "why?"

"I don't know," she says, and we gather our stuff from sitting in the cafeteria and walk to the library. 

But as we walk into the library, I run into exactly the person I want to be avoiding, Rory and Quinn. 

His sad excuse for an apology yesterday only added insult to injury and I really was not interested in speaking with him. 

"Julie," Quinn smiles, "are you all cheered up for our match tonight?"

"Oh yeah," she says sarcastically. 

"You gonna wear my number?" He asks, and their height difference is almost laughable. 

It was apparently a tradition that if one of the cheerleaders were going out with one of the rugby players, they used face paint to display their number on their cheek. 

"Well considering three different girls were wearing number five last week," she says, "I'm going to say no."

"Would you wear it if you were the only one?" He asks.

"I wouldn't wear your number, if you were the only man left on earth."

And like the mature man Quinn was, he grabbed her phone out her hand and started running so she would chase him, and hell if it doesn't work. 

I think as far in denial as she is, Juliet must know on some level that she totally had a thing for him, because if a guy did that to me, I would not be smiling. 

Rory chuckles, "I don't think he's ever had to flirt with girls so he never had to learn, and still thinks the same things from kindergarten work."

I ignore him and scan the library looking for Eve. 

“Oh shit,” I say seeing Kieran walking over to Evelyn, I wanted to think that he would have the decency not to bother her, but from what I know about him, I knew that I had to get over to my friend immediately.

Rory grabs my arm, and I do my best to squeeze out of his grasp, but it’s no use, “let go of me,” I snap.

“Are you going over there to stop Kier from talking to Eve?” He asks, and I nod. “Trust me, you don’t have to worry about him.”

“Oh yes, let me just trust you,” I say sarcastically, “and while I’m at it I’ll trust Kieran’s moral compass,” I squirm out of Rory’s arm again, but to once again no avail.

He chuckles, “oh yeah, that moral compass is nonexistent, but he wouldn’t harm a hair on that girl’s head.”

“Why?” I ask, thinking back to the time he defended her in the cafeteria, and I remember how odd it was. But everything I had heard about him, didn't exactly do much for his reputation. 

“Fuck, if I know, but he’s always had a soft spot for her,” he says looking at his friend, as he walks over to where Evelyn is sitting, gluing photos for her scrapbook.

It was one of her English projects to create a personal scrapbook that coincided with a memoir style short story. 

“Kieran has a soft spot?” I ask, incredulously.

“Okay, maybe a hard spot,” he jokes, “look, usually I wouldn’t care what you do, but he’s always in a better mood for like at least a week after having some kind of interaction with her.”

“Since when?” I ask, Eve’s never even mentioned him.

“Since we were four, and he almost got kicked out of pre school for hitting his brother for making fun of her.”

“What an asshole,” I say, annoyed for my friend at four years old, young and defenceless.

“Yeah, Chris found out she was deaf, and made it his mission to sneak up on her all the time,” he says, and both our heads are turned watching the pair. “Kids are cruel.”

“Teenagers too,” I add.

Rory doesn’t respond, but he does look to the two opposites again, “what did he just say?” he asks, and I look to see Kieran signing something to her.

“He knows ISL?” I ask, shocked. Kieran just nods, and I translate the pieces I’m able to catch, “he’s asking Eve about her project, and she’s explaining it,” I say, as I witness her smile at whatever he’s responding, his hands now blocked from my view.

Rory chuckles at his friend and brings his attention back to me.

“So they’re friends?” I ask, mentally noting that I need to complete a full interrogation of this relationship with Eve.

“Nope.”

“But, they’ve known each other for so long, and he clearly likes her,” I argue, because I don’t think I’ve ever seen Kieran smiling and yet right now he can’t stop.

Rory sighs, “to understand what goes through Kieran’s head, is basically impossible, I’ve known him my whole life and I’ve got like twenty percent at best figured out,” he looks back to the table where Eve is showing Kieran the ribbon she’s using on her current page, and damn if he doesn’t look genuinely interested, “all I know, is he never lets himself have too much of a good thing.”

“He doesn’t want to get attached?” I wonder out loud.

“More like, he knows that if Eve actually got to know him, she’d run for the hills, so he allows himself to talk her every couple months,” he answers truthfully, and I’m honestly surprised that he’s being this open with me, “Quinn and I call it the Eve-reset.”

“And what does she think about it?” I ask.

“She’s your friend,” he counters.

“Yeah, but you and Quinn have known her over a decade,” I reply.

He laughs, like a full body laugh, “yeah, we’re not allowed near her.”

“What do you mean allowed?” I ask.

“Ever notice how no guy has ever asked her out, or even looks at her?”

I think back, “she said it’s always been like that because she can’t hear, and people don’t know how to deal with it.”

“She’s pretty, smart, sweet, rich, you think not a singular guy would be interested?” He asks like I should already know the answer, “Kieran’s put her off limits.”

“Shouldn’t she have some say in that?” I ask, because what are  “and if he doesn’t want to date her, why would he even care if another guy asked her out?”

He leans his back against the wall, “that’s past the twenty percent I’ve mapped out, and it’s not all bad, he also threatens the people who try to give her a hard time, and you know Tommen, if he hadn’t she would be terrorized.”

“Yeah, I kind of wondered about that,” I admit, honestly confused as to why he's speaking to me. 

He looks to me, "I meant what I said yesterday, I really am sorry."

"And I accepted your apology," I say. 

"Right."

"Right."

Chapter Text

Thursday, September 21st

Spencer: 

"Hey," I say, "you doing okay?"

Maeve gives me a small smile looking into the empty mugs she just collected, "yeah, the guys I'm serving are just a little..."

"What?" I prompt, looking over to her table of a few guys looking to be in their young twenties, wearing suits probably just gotten off of work. 

"I think they were trying to flirt with me to be honest," she says, "which is super weird."

"Why?" I ask, "you're gorgeous."

She shakes her head, placing the cups into the sink, "I'm not the type of girl guys like."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, I just-" she looks down at her outfit, which granted was a little out there, I loved it though. She was wearing a plaid dress with a long sleeve white shirt underneath and black Doc Martens, her hair was tied into two low space buns and had earrings with little strawberry charms on, "could you take my table?"

"Yeah sure," I say placing my hand on her shoulder and I wonder if I would ended up more like Maeve if things had been different. 

I had been a bit of a shy kid growing up, I had to learn to be confident, to work for what I wanted.

The eat or be eaten mentality was essential in my life.   

It was odd but I had a feeling that while I wished I was a little more like her, she probably wished she was more like me. 

The grass is always greener as they say. 

I walk over to the table, pulling out my notepad, using some of that learned confidence, because let's be honest I work off tips, and I'm not above flirting a little for them. 

"What can I get you boys to drink?" I ask. 

"What happened to the other girl?" One of them asks. 

"She's going on her break in a couple minutes," I lie, "I'll try my best to replace her."

The middle one, must be their leader says, "fine by me, I'll have a black coffee."

"Same here."

"Me too."

"Yeah that sounds good."

"Is the mocha drink girly or something?" The guy to my left asks looking over the menu. 

"I'll put the little umbrella on the side for you," I joke. 

He laughs, "sounds good, I like you."

"I'm glad to hear it," I say flashing my best fake smile, "I'll have those ready for you," I add turning and seeing a face I very much do not want to see. 

I walk up to him, venom in my gaze, "Joan doesn't want you in here."

My Uncle, Shane Holland chuckles, "you handled those assholes well."

"Get out."

"Would that old bat really want to stop me from seeing my favourite niece?" He asks smugly. 

"Joan's more family to me than you," I say, "and I thought you were in prison."

"Got out last week," he smirks, "and you should be careful how you speak to me Spency, your brothers still work for me."

"Fuck you, get out of my work."

And suddenly I'm glad I've developed this thick skin, all notions of softness from earlier completely vanished.

"I'm also the one bankrolling your fancy Tommen education," he says, "and last I heard you were still taking the heat for that whole scandal."

I grit my teeth, gripping onto my notepad so hard I'm surprised I haven't ripped the paper. 

"So, if you want to keep Cole out of trouble, you'll find it within yourself to be a little kinder."

"What the hell do you want Shane?"

"Well for one I think you'd do great with my girls," he smirks, "given that whole little performance."

His girls, his hookers. 

I fucking hated this man. This town. This life.

"No."

"Think on that," he says, "but in the mean time, I need you to make a delivery."

"I don't do that," I say, "Charlie wouldn't let me even if I wouldn't to."

"It'll be our little secret then," he whispers, "you just have to bring this, to your fancy school and put it in a locker, there's a note in it with the combination and number." He hands me a small package and I tuck into my apron before anyone else can see it. 

"Are you crazy? I can't take this to school with me?" I whisper yell, "if I get caught, I'll get expelled."

"If you want to keep going there, you'll make the drop."

"You have no idea what you-"

"Spencer?" A voice calls me from the side, and I look to see Rory Kavanagh and AJ Lynch walking in, and I just want to squeeze my eyes shut, and disappear. 

I bet Maeve would be down to hide in a cupboard with me for a while.

Eoin had told me about her habit of hiding in small places and to just call him if she suddenly went missing, so I cleared out one of the bottom shelves in the storage closet, and put a pillow and a blanket down there just in case. 

"Are you okay?" He asks, looking to my Uncle. 

"Um, yeah," I say, "he was just leaving."

"Aren't you going to introduce to me?" Shane asks. 

"This is my uncle, who's leaving," I grumble. 

"Hi I'm Rory Kavanagh."

"I'm AJ Lynch."

"Lynch?" My uncle asks, and at this point I'm physically pushing him out, and he walks with me but leans down to whisper, "tomorrow, do it before school starts."

"No, take it back," I say. 

"I'm not leaving until you agree-"

I turn to see Rory walking back over to me, "fuck, fine, fine, just leave please."

"Atta girl," Shane says and taps my nose with his finger, like he used to do when I was little.

"Next time you do that, I'm biting it off," I say, and he just laughs and walks out the door. 

I walk behind the counter grabbing the stuff to make a mocha, avoiding Rory's gaze but he still comes over. 

"Are you alright?" He asks tentatively. 

"Yep," I say, and then ask Maeve, who's been hiding behind the counter to fill three cups of black coffee.

"You just seemed a little off," he says and AJ who's beside him nods in agreement. 

"I'm fine," I say and I walk the drinks over to my table on a tray, barely bothering to flirt back with the guys, because all I can think about is whatever illegal shit I've got in my pocket right now. I take their orders, just letting the innuendos and blatant hitting on me roll right over my head. 

Walking back behind the counter, I give the orders to the kitchen and return to the front cash register where Rory and AJ are still fucking standing. 

"Can I get something for you?" I ask. 

"We're just here to pick up Maeve," Rory says, "but I'll take a coffee to go."

"Sure," I breathe and grab a styrofoam cup from the cupboard and start pouring coffee into it, taking deep breaths and I feel like I'm on the brink of a panic attack. 

I've never had one, but I know Charlie's suffered from them since he was seventeen, so I know what they look like. 

I ring Rory's order up in a sort of daze. 

"Hey Spencer," AJ says and I look up at him, "my sister mentioned her giving your brother my number, but I never heard from him, did he end up getting it?"

"Oh," I say, "I did, but he thought it might be kind of complicated with..." I look to Rory and he looks a little guilty. 

I hadn't meant to tell Charlie what had happened at detention, but I got home, and he could tell something was up and it all kind of came out. 

He said he wouldn't call AJ, which I think he was glad to get out of to be honest, not because he didn't want to but because he was too anxious. 

"If it's because of what I said, just tell him to disregard it," Rory says. 

"Yeah, Charlie's not really someone who lets things go," I say, and it's not in holding grudges type of way, it's an obsessing over a three second interaction for months type of way, "it's nothing to do with you AJ," I say, "we're just all kinds of complicated."

"Oh," he says, "that's too bad."

"Yeah," I say taking the change from Rory, and grabbing the tray of sandwiches to bring over to my table.

I walk back over to them standing by the cash register, waiting for Maeve who's grabbing her stuff from the back room. 

"Hey waitress!" One of the guys calls out, "I need ketchup!"

"I'll get it," Maeve says just as she's walking to us. 

"Are you sure you're okay Holland?" Rory asks again, AJ looking concerned too. 

"Yes Kavanagh," I say but my hands are still shaking a bit. "I'm perfectly fine-"

We look over to the sound that just emanated from the rowdy table and all of the emotions I've felt in the last ten minutes turn into pure rage, when I see the guy who ordered the mocha trying to put his hand up Maeve's skirt. 

She screams and turns immobile and I run over to her, Rory and AJ right on my heels, and I don't take a second before yanking his arm away and slapping him right across the face, pushing Maeve over to AJ, who wraps his arm around her. 

"Jesus what's your problem?" He asks nervously like he knows what he did was wrong, he just doesn't want to admit it. 

"Get the fuck out," I snap, I don't yell, but it's just as effective. 

"You can't just-"

"Out," I say, "all of you."

They start to slide out of their booth muttering something about me being a Holland and in this moment I don't hate the infamous last name I've been saddled with. 

The two tall as fuck athletes behind might have also helped my case, but that was beside the point. 

I turn back around to those athletes looking outraged, but I'm glad that they just let me handle that by myself. 

"Is she okay?" I ask gesturing to a crying Maeve, twisting the material of AJ's hoodie in her small hands. 

AJ nods and takes her over to one of the coaches to sit down. 

"Are you?" Rory asks. 

"I'm not the one that just got assaulted," I say looking over at poor Maeve. 

Rory looks at me like I'm crazy, "you just... How do you do that?"

"Do what?" I ask. 

"You... It's like nothing affects you, or I don't know, you just never lose your cool."

I look to him, "I just slapped a customer, I very much lost my cool," I say and then add, "I guess Twomey's right about that risk of violence assessment."

"No, that's not what I meant," he says.

"What did you mean?" I ask. 

"Uhh.." he looks to me, right into my eyes, and then away, "never mind."

I give Maeve's backpack to Rory and clean up the half eaten plates that had been left, the package still weighing very heavy in my pocket. 

Despite my permanent school record, I've never actually been involved in the drug business.

Never even taken them. 

But if I go through with this, then I've officially joined them. 

I thought somehow I could have my last name and avoid this curse, but I guess I was being naive. 

I had gone this far for my family, I can't exactly stop now. 

Chapter Text

Saturday, September 23rd

Rory:

"What is that?" My Aunt Claire demands looking down at Eoin who's currently drawing a design on Quinn's forearm, sketching the tattoo Quinn's planning on getting. 

"Nothing," Quinn says, "he ran out of paper, I stepped up."

"Eoin," she says expectantly. 

"Yes mother?" He asks continuing to draw on his older brother. 

"Stop that, none of you are getting tattoos," she declares. 

"This is art Mom," Eoin says still not stopping. 

"Well no more of it," she says reaching over to grab the pen from his hand, but he dodges. 

"You know artists have always thrived," he swerves his head, not removing the pen tip from Quinn's skin, "in totalitarian regimes."

"I am not a dictator," Claire says trying to grab it again."I'm your mother."

"Max Beckmann, Emil Nolde, Oskar Kokoschka," Eoin lists out examples and I have to put my fist in my mouth to stop myself from laughing. 

"Ugh," she throws her arms up, "why do I even bother?"

"Sorry Mam," Eoin and Quinn chorus looking back at the design. 

"Does that mean you'll stop?" She asks. 

"Nope," Eoin says, "Jesus, Quinn stay still."

Niamh walks in then, and the room breaks out in happy birthday wishes. 

Everyone was currently at the Bigg's house in celebration of Niamh's birthday, and it was nice all of us getting together. With most of us getting older we were more likely to opt for a celebration with our friends, but Niamh was turning eleven and still very much wanted a family party. 

It also helped that her best friends were her cousin Xander Gibson, and my cousin Asher Lynch. They were all in the same grade by some miracle and were the resident troublemakers of the family. 

"Hey Niamh," Eoin calls out, and she comes over to the table where I currently sit with Quinn, Eoin, and Kieran waiting for lunch. 

"Hey guys," she says sitting down. 

"How's it feel to be eleven?" Eoin asks, still not looking up. 

"I feel like a whole new woman," she says wistfully, not taking the question seriously. "They say it's sweet sixteen but I think I'm ready for the world now, yesterday definitely not, but today, I'm ready."

"What are you going to do in the world Woman?" He asks. 

"Hmmm," she ponders, "maybe get a tattoo, steal a car, get my tongue pierced," she says, "the options are limitless."

"Sounds like a plan," I say and reach over to ruffle her hair. I never knew an eleven year old to be so witty but she's been like that since I can remember. 

She recoils, "do you know long this took me?" She asks gesturing to her blonde curls, half of her tied into two sections with little pink bows. 

"Please forgive me," I say, but her hair is still intact. 

"It depends on what you got me for a present," she stays standing up, "have you guys seen Asher and Xander?"

"Yeah, I think they're in the backyard," Quinn answers and we say goodbye as she ditches us for her friends. 

"She's funny," Quinn comments. "Never know what she's going to cook up."

"You know who'd like her?" Eoin asks, and then answers before we have the chance, "Spencer."

"Can we have one conversation that doesn't revolve around her?" I ask, my stomach dropping at the mention of her. 

There had just been something off about her on Thursday afternoon when I saw her, and then again yesterday at school. 

I knew the bullying directed at her was only getting worse, but she didn't really seem too affected by that usually, which makes me think it's something different. I just don't know what, and we're not exactly friends or even acquaintances so I can't just ask. 

Hey Spencer, I know you hate me and I hate you, but how about we have a heart to heart about what's bothering you?

Yeah, no.

"You're a bloody traitor O," Quinn says noncommittally, "fraternizing with the enemy."

"She's not my enemy, she's cool," he says, "you'd all like her if you- dammit, Quinn stay still," he says readjusting his grip on his arm. 

"She's fine," Kieran says, and I knew I lost him to the dark side the second I saw Eve hanging around with her. 

"Who's fine?" My father asks sitting down along with his best friend and Eoin and Quinn's dad Gibsie, Garrison, my Aunt Emily's best friend, and my uncle Joey.  

"No one-" I start, but Eoin had already started talking. 

"Spencer Holland."

Garrison shakes his head, "whatever bad thing you think about that girl, forget it."

"Unlikely," I mutter, and my Da shoots me a look but doesn't say anything. 

"Hollands are bad news," Joey says ominously. 

"She's not involved with Shane," Garrison argues and I can't help but think of how I saw them together on Tuesday. Granted she didn't look all that happy to see him but they had still been talking. 

"So AJ and her brother never?" My Da asks looking at me. 

"What?" Joey says suddenly. 

"No," I say. 

"Was some Holland trying to sink his teeth into AJ?" My Uncle Joey demands, and I don't know if I've ever seen him like this. 

"No, no," I say, "it was just their sisters but... I kind or ruined it."

"Good," Joey says, "I don't want that family anywhere near my kids."

"Joe-" Eoin starts.

"No," he suddenly declares, altering the easy vibe of our conversation, "I don't even want Erin or Addie near the girl."

"Come on Joe," my Da says, and I can't help but think that if anyone should understand that not everyone becomes their father, or in this case their uncle, it should be him. But I also don't know the full extent of what happened to him leading up to AJ's birth. 

"Woah, what's going on here?" My Mam asks as she walks over to my Da and he pulls her onto his lap, resting her head on his shoulder, "hi Johnny."

"Hi Shannon," he returns like I've heard him do a million times. 

"Nothing," I say, "I don't want to discuss it anymore."

"Okay," my Mam says and I can tell she's going to interrogate me about it later, "Eoin?"

"Yeah," he says raising his head for the first time. "What's up?"

"Has Caoimhe been talking to you?"

"Yeah," he says putting his head back down. 

My Da rubs circles on her back, "how is she doing?"

Caoimhe had been giving my parent's the silent treatment since the whole debacle with her auditions. She was talking to me, but never any updates on her mental health or anything that I could report back to our parents. 

I got that she was passionate and upset, but I think she was being a bit immature, throwing a whole tantrum for the consequences of her own mistake. I think most parents wouldn't have let her continue with ballet. 

"Uh, you know Keev," Eoin says, "always a little quirky."

Quinn pipes up, "have we ever considered the weirdos are so weird because they're isolated, and like weirdness breeds weirdness?"

"Don't call your sister weird," Gibsie admonishes, "or your cousin or their friends."

"I'm just saying, maybe they would've turned out a little more normal if...ow!" Quinn curses, "christ, Eoin what was that for?"

Eoin had dug his pen into his skin hard, "stop talking about my friends like that."

"Caoimhe's not weird," my Da says, "she's just..."

"Spirited?" My Mam offers. 

"Passionate?" I say. 

"Intense?" Garrison says.

"Right," Johnny says, "it'll be alright Shan."

"Jesus, what's going on here?" Connor asks, passing by with Erin and Addie on either side, and I can already tell they'll be sneaking off early to go to some party given the way they're dressed. "This looks a little more like a wake rather than a birthday."

"Very true Con," Eoin comments, "we should go outside," and he gets up to walk with my brother and my cousins to the backyard where all the kids are playing. 

"O, you never finished my tattoo," Quinn calls out. 

"You're what?" Gibsie asks suspiciously. 

"Oh please Da," Quinn scoffs amused, "you had a tattoo for Mam at my age and a piercing on your-"

"Okay enough of that," my Mam swoops in, "it's probably time for dinner!"

We ate and I had honestly forgotten how much I loved being with my massive family, eating and taking like this. It was nice and refreshing considering how bleak my life had been as of late. 

After dinner, the adults sat around the table drinking, AJ included now and although I was seventeen and they weren't exactly barring me from drinking, I wasn't about to join them. 

I walked around chatting with Quinn and Kieran.

When Kieran first moved in with us, he basically refused to go to any family events, or act like a family member at all, but we had worn him down enough to the point of feeling welcome here. 

"I don't think that's a good idea," Maeve says nervously to Eoin, Caoimhe, and Ryder.

"Come on Maevey," Eoin coaxes, "it'll be fun."

"What'll be fun?" I ask. 

"Nothing-" three of them chorus, but Ryder actually answers me, "we're going to the party that Connor and the twins are going to."

"No you're not," I say.

"Oh my God," Caoimhe complains, "chill for three seconds Ror, you're not dad."

"Should we ask him what he thought then?" I ask. 

"Come on Kav," Eoin says, "it's been a stressful week with Caoimhe and her ballet and May with those assholes at the cafe, we just need to let off a little steam."

My resolve crumbles, "fine, just get a ride with Con."

"Love you Ror," Caoimhe says and walks by me with her friends, presumably to go to Maeve's room to sneak out, I knew she had a tree right outside her window that could easily act as a ladder. I don't think her parents knew about it yet though. 

I sit down on the couch, kicking my feet up and take in Quinn's strange expression. 

"When did we become the old boring ones?"

"What?" Kieran asks. 

"We used to be the ones sneaking off to parties," he implores, "we may as well be drinking wine with our parents, reminiscing about the good old times."

"So?" I ask. 

"We're going to that party," he states. 

"Do we have to?" I grumble. 

"I'm in," Kieran says and now I feel like the stick in the mud of their fun and youthful rebellion. 

I exhale, relishing in the minute of rest I'm currently having, "fine."

Chapter Text

Saturday, September 21st

Rory:

I walk into the party, smelling all the familiar scents, cheap alcohol, weed, and just the general scent of bodies moving and pushing against each other. Usually I'd enjoy a house party, after a long week of practices and games, it was a welcome reprieve, but now the atmosphere felt suffocating.

Ryan and Quinn flanked me, as we walked through the crowd, veering down a wide hallway, students were paired off and pressed against each other and... of course, Connor's got his tongue down the throat of a brunette girl, who's arms are locked around his neck, as his hands roam under her hoodie. Jesus, I did not need to see that.

I walk past not wanting to disturb him, and in turn find someone that I would very much like to disturb.

I grab Quinn's baseball cap off his head, and wack Ryder Feely on the head with it, startling both him and the blonde who he was with.

He turns to me, and I hate that he looks all calm and collected. I swear, things didn't rattle him ever. He was uptight and obsessive like Caoimhe, but never lost his cool. Like you couldn't possibly surprise him. Even now, standing an inch or two shorter than me, he seems as if he's got a foot on me, at least.

"What the hell are you doing?" I demand.

He just looks back lazily at me, and mimics, "what the hell are you doing?"

The girl looks to him then, and he turns to face her, "I'm gonna go catch up with my friends."

He just nods back, and she smiles like he just asked her to go steady or something, and leaves wistfully.

His head comes back to me, "was there a reason for that?"

"How could you do this to Caoimhe?" I ask.

"I thought you'd be happy I wasn't doing this to Caoimhe."

"You know what I mean," I say.

"Keev and I aren't dating, we're just friends," he says.

"Does she know that?" I ask.

"Yes, and she's fully capable of taking care of herself," he says, "I know you like to act like Caoimhe's made of glass, but she isn't."

"So she'd be fine if she saw what I just saw," I ask.

"Yes."

"And would you be fine, if you saw her in a dark corner at a party with another guy?"

"Caoimhe's her own person, free to do whatever she wants," he responds, "with whoever she wants."

"That wasn't the question," Kieran says, after being silent this whole time.

"I would be fine."

"Is she?"

"Is she what?"

"With other people?"

"Not that she's told me about, but I imagine she'd be more likely to confide in Maeve about that sort of thing, so I'd talk to her if you want to infringe on your sister's life, more than you already do."

"Don't act like I don't have a fucking reason to worry about Caoimhe," I snap.

"She's fully capable of-"

"Where were you when she was addicted to fucking adderol?" I whisper - yell so no one else can hear.

For the first time, I see him waiver, "I didn't know the severity of it."

"But you knew?"

"Yes."

"You don't even have an excuse for why you didn't tell someone?" I ask.

"Keev trusted me with that information, and from what I knew it wasn't impacting her health," he breathes out, "if I had known, I would have gone to Shannon and Johnny."

"You should have come to me right away," I say.

"My loyalty is to Keev, not you."

"Jesus, I feel like I'm watching a Game of Thrones episode," Quinn says, and I suddenly remember that I'm not here to talk to Ryder Feely.

"This conversation isn't over," I say.

"It should be," he says.

"Yeah, yeah," I say, walking towards the living room, leaving him.

I walk in seeing Maeve and Caoimhe sitting with Spencer, talking and like a moth to a flame Quinn detaches from our group to talk to Juliet who's sitting on the couch beside them. 

I hadn't expected to see Spencer at a party, considering how unliked she was, but she was here, wearing tight jeans and a backless black tank top, her smooth tan skin on display, causing my mind to momentarily lapse in judgement in turn causing Kieran to chuckle at my blatant staring. 

Bringing the girls' attention directly to us, Spencer staring at me expectantly. 

"Hey," I say awkwardly and Kieran just nods, probably scanning the crowd to see if Evelyn was here. 

"Hey," Spencer returns. 

"I didn't think you'd be here," I say for some reason, not quite sure why. 

She laughs, "banning me from parties now Kav?"

"No, no, I just wasn't expecting you to be here, that's all."

"Jules invited me," she explains. 

Eoin and Ryder walk in with Connor then and I can feel the tension dissolve which I'm incredibly grateful for, although I can't quite describe the way my stomach drops when I see Connor sit down between Caoimhe and Spencer, putting his arm on the back of the chair, not touching her, but near her. 

It's even worse when they start talking, their voices low so I can't hear it, and they both laugh. 

She's never laughed at anything I've said. 

Especially not like that, throwing her head back, the column of her neck moving, and the corners of her lips turning up. 

I turn to look between Caoimhe and Ryder, expecting awkwardness or something but it's just normal between them. No weird energy or anything. 

"So is this a rugby team party?" Spencer asks. 

"No," Juliet says, "you would know if it was a rugby party."

"Yeah, it would be way cooler," Quinn says. 

"No, there would be way more assholes and douchebags in attendance," she spits back at him. 

Eoin laughs, "she's got you there brother."

"Disrespecting your own team," Quinn admonishes, feigning disappointment.

"I'm not on the team anymore remember?" Eoin says smiling, but he looks a little sad to remember that fact. 

"Why the hell do I keep giving you days off for it then?" Spencer asks. 

"Oh," he scratches behind his neck, "it was a recent departure, I can change my availability next time I come in."

"Okay," she says, "why'd you quit anyway? It seemed like you enjoyed it."

We all kind of look around, and Juliet and Spencer look confused. 

"I just didn't want to do it anymore," he says, "it got boring and tedious."

It wasn't the game that got tedious for him, it was Cillian McGarry that got to be too much. 

Eoin's gay and has never even bothered to hide it from the world, despite our very judgemental set in it's ways school. Even AJ waited until after he graduated to come out to people outside of the family. 

I'm happy that he feels comfortable, as he should. But people like Cillian in particular have been really hard on him, especially to do with the team. 

The little brat even got some weird rules about the locker room established and how we had to separate more. It was all bullshit and a cover to accuse Eoin of basically spying on him while he changed, saying it was no different than if a girl was thrown in the locker room. 

Which wasn't remotely true because he would literally wait to change and hide out in the bathroom while the team was in there to avoid that situation. 

The final straw was when Cillian's dad Ronan tried to start some petition to renovate the change rooms to have separate stalls for changing and showering.

My Aunt Claire, the Vice President of the PTA tried her best to shut the 'movement' down saying it was targeted, which was ultimately proven when the moment Eoin dropped the team, the petition suddenly disappeared into thin air. 

The whole thing still boiled my blood and by the change in the mood of everyone, we were all feeling it. 

"Fuck Cillian," Maeve declares and we all raise our drinks in cheers. Even Spencer who doesn't even know the whole situation joined in.  

"Hey guys," Erin walks in holding the hand of some random guy, and Addie walking beside her typing away on her phone, "we're all going to the basement, there's going to be like a massive game of truth or dare!"

I groan but start following the group, feeling uneasy as I see Chris walking in the same direction as we are, smirking at Spencer. 

I'm definitely regretting going to this party. 

Chapter Text

Johnny: 

Has anyone seen Caoimhe? I thought she was getting a ride home with you Feely?

Patrick:

Ryder told me Connor was driving him to your place.

Johnny:

No one's here at except Shan and I. 

Gibsie:

My two oldest are gone too. 

Hugh:

Jesus, I've just spent an hour checking every cupboard in my house, do you think Maeve's with them?

Will:

You lads need to keep better track of your kids.

Gibsie added Joey to the Group Chat.

Gibsie:

There you go lad.

Joey:

Thanks Gussie, where the hell are my daughters?

Johnny:

Where the hell are of my kids?

Joey added AJ to the Group Chat

AJ: 

Woah, last I checked I had no kids.

Gibsie:

We need an inside source.

AJ:

Okay?

Johnny:

Do you know where the kids are?

AJ:

Which ones?

Johnny:

All of the ones that attend Tommen. 

AJ:

I don't know probably a party. 

Joey:

Erin and Addie didn't ask if they could go. 

Tadhg:

Control your kids Joe.

Gibsie:

I'm shocked that Asher isn't right there with them. 

Tadhg:

Ash is a good kid. 

Gibsie:

Yeah, he's probably too busy sneaking in through my niece's window. 

Hugh:

???????????

Johnny:

Back on topic where are my kids?

Gibsie:

Xander knows something, he's acting suspicious. 

Hugh:

Get it out of him, I need Maeve home, Liz is going up the wall. 

Hugh:

While we're at have Asher come over, and I'll have a chat with him.

Garrison:

Don't kill him, he's already a great hurler. Better than his dad. 

Gibsie:

Did you check Niamh's room?

Tadhg:

Stop, he's at home. 

Gibsie:

When was the last time you checked?

Patrick:

I just called Ryder, they're at a party and they're all together. 

Gibsie:

He just told you that?

Patrick:

Yes. 

Johnny:

He better be keeping his hands to himself.

Joey:

Where's the party?

Patrick:

A few minutes from Tommen, but Ryder and Addie aren't drinking, they can drive them all home. 

Hugh:

Do you guys think Maeve will be alright? She's been pretty shaken up since Thursday. 

AJ:

This might be good for her, plus Spencer's there and I don't think she's letting anyone hurt May plus her million cousins.

Johnny:

How do you know that?

AJ:

Erin's snapchat story.  

Gibsie:

So you knew the whole time where they were?

AJ:

I may sit at the adult table, but I'm not a snitch. 

Johnny:

You should've told us.

AJ:

Look at this way, if one of them needs help they'll call me and not have to fear I'll tell on them, but if they don't trust me, they won't call. 

Gibsie:

That is some sound logic. 

Johnny:

Okay, but they better get home soon unharmed. 

AJ:

So does this mean I get to be apart of this group chat now?

Gibsie removed AJ from the Group Chat. 

Chapter Text

Saturday, September 21st

Spencer:

"Are you sure I should be here?" I ask. 

"Yeah, why not?" Juliet responds taking a seat on the ground beside me, Quinn on her other side and Maeve beside me. Connor, Rory, Kieran, and the Lynch twins sit on the couch behind us, and Maeve's friends sit on the other side of her. 

"What if like Chris dares me to jump off the roof or something?" I ask, because playing a game of truth or dare where the majority of the people in attendance hate your guts is not the best move.  

"He won't," Jules assures, "and besides you can always say no."

I wasn't one to say no to a dare, in fact I never had. 

I hadn't even wanted to come to this party, but Eve backed out on Jules last minute and I felt bad. 

I also had been completely on edge since I made that delivery at Tommen. I hated how easy it was, I just got to school a little early, opened the locker like it was my own, dropped the package in, and that was that. 

I got a stupid text from Shane saying I did a good job and that he'll let me know when there's more. 

I needed to take the edge off of this horrible week. 

So here I am sitting in a ridiculously nice basement of some kid I don't even know's house and awaiting at best drunken Tommen kids having some fun, at worst public humiliation. 

"Okay," Chris starts, his dark eyes, somehow even more dead than Kieran's light up, "I'll start," his eyes move to Rory's so maliciously, it makes me wonder what he ever did to him, to illicit such pure hatred. 

I think Chris is about to call on Rory and make him to something he doesn't want to but he somehow does something worse, "Caoimhe, truth or dare."

"Fuck no," Rory declares. 

"She's playing the game isn't she?" Chris taunts, and Caoimhe shifts closer to Ryder, who stares daggers at him. "Well little Kav?"

"Dare," she mumbles as if she doesn't have a choice. 

He smirks not at her, but at Rory, "I dare you to come sit on my lap."

"Not a chance in hell," Ryder snaps, and Rory stands up looking like he's ready to fight McGarry. 

"She's fourteen you weirdo," Connor snarls. 

"If she's not old enough to play the game then-" Chris starts. 

"Don't be an asshole," Kieran says, his tone resolute. 

Chris sits back his little brothers looking at him warily, "fine, I'll take another one of them."

What?

The guys in our group closer to the girls, Ryder to Caoimhe, Eoin to Maeve, Quinn to Jules, Connor to Erin and Addie, leaving me. 

The one who's not actually in the group. 

"Holland it is then," Chris smirks. 

I glare at him, "you never asked me truth or dare."

"Well it's either you or sweet Caoimhe-"

"Fine," I say, standing up and walking up to his side, swallowing all my pride and taking a seat on his right leg, laying my legs over his other leg. 

"See?" He smiles at me, "told you all girls like you have a price."

"Fuck you," I mutter turning back to the centre of the game, and feeling everyone's eyes on me and I hate it. I feel so fucking vulnerable, I feel like the terrace trash they all think I am. 

Girls like me were expandable, buyable. 

I look to the group and Rory looks considerably outraged. I don't know why, I saved Caoimhe from this fate, he should be happy. 

"It's your turn," Chris says to me and I lean forward as to not feel his warm breath on my neck anymore than necessary. 

"Cillian," I say looking to the little menace that everyone hated, "truth or dare?"

"Dare," he says, a little surprised I singled him out. 

"I dare you to apologize to Eoin and Maeve."

"What?" He says. 

"Say sorry for being such an insecure asshole," I prompt.

"Sorry," he mutters. 

"No say the words," I demand, "and look at them."

He looks to both of them, but more to Eoin, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Eoin prompts looking smug while Maeve can barely hold in her laugh. 

He grits his teeth, and practically spits out, "for being an insecure asshole."

Eoin smiles, and praises like Cillian's a common dog,"good boy."

"Fuck you, you-"Quinn cuts off whatever bigoted thing Cillian was about to say. 

"Enough of that."

I readjust in Chris's lap, and he cringes a little, "I think Caoimhe would have been a bit lighter."

I scoff, what was he trying to hurt my feelings? I would think a 5'3" fourteen year old ballerina would be lighter than a 5'8" seventeen year old Midfielder. What was men's obsession with women staying little girls forever?

It's Cillian's turn to ask now, "Maeve truth or dare?"

Her blue eyes go huge in shock, "truth."

"When'd you have your first kiss?" He asks, and his twin brother shoves him in the arm but Cillian just smiles. 

The little asshole knew Maeve had never had her first kiss. She hadn't told me that, but it was kind of obvious, and was definitely clear to everyone here with the way her cheeks go pink and quiet laughs go off throughout the room. 

She looks down and I want to throttle that kid, "I haven't," her voice is quiet and mouse like and her eyes are so blue I can tell they're filling with tears. 

Rory reaches down and rubs her shoulder, and whispers something to her that makes her look a little better. 

"It's your turn crybaby," Chris goads and I 'accidentally' elbow him in the ribs when I readjust. 

Eoin whispers to her for a second, "she's giving her turn to me."

Cillian starts, "that's not how this works-"

"Rory, truth or dare?" Eoin asks abruptly. 

Rory looks amused, "truth."

Eoin pretends to ponder, clearly having something up his sleeve, "when was the last time Kill had any game time?"

Rory chuckles, "he hasn't."

Cillian glares at the both of them, but the attention has been successfully taken away from Maeve. 

Rory clears his throat, "Spencer, truth or dare."

My throat practically closes, not knowing what he's going to do. 

I exhale and the hold that Chris has on me tightens, "dare."

Hell, if I'm going to say truth, I don't need any of these kids knowing anything about me. 

"Come sit on my lap," he says, smirking at Chris. 

Great, I'm a pawn between these two guys. 

I feel cheap. 

Like one of my uncle's 'girls.'

I extract myself from Chris and cross the circle to sit down on top of Rory, who admittedly is nicer to sit on, as far as human chairs go. 

"You can get off in a minute," he whispers, and I nod and then he adds, "thanks for doing that for Caoimhe."

I nod in thanks, and shift a little, "sorry for," I say and I don't know why, he's the one who fucking dared me to sit here, I shouldn't be worried about not being the same size as his baby sister.

He chuckles a little, "you're fine, Holland," and pulls me to sit more on his lap, taking more of my weight. 

I end up daring Jules to kiss Quinn, because someone needs to get that going, and I end up staying on Rory's lap until the end of the game. 

I don't mean to, but he felt so good, and he weirdly smelt really nice, and I figured that if he was going use me as an inanimate chess piece, I'd use him as inanimate furniture. 

The logic made more sense in my head when I was tired and a little drunk, and intoxicated by his presence. 

Juliet drives me home, and I can't quite get the feel of him out of my mind, his defined muscles, his stellar posture, the way he shook slightly when he laughed, and the evenness of his breath. 

As I get out of her car, in a sort of daze, her comment throws me for a bit of a loop, "those rugby boys sure are assholes, but damn, they're kind of addictive."

"What?" I snap.

"You know," she says, "very bad for you, but damn do they feel good?"

I laugh, but am instantly filled with dread because Rory did feel good but I wasn't the type of girl that felt good to him. Or if I was, it was only ever for a night. 

Chapter Text

Claire:

Is Quinn at any of your houses?

Liz:

No.

Shannon:

No, when did you hear from him last?

Katie:

Nope, I'll ask Ryder if he knows.

Claire:

He's probably okay.

Claire:

Wait do any of you know where Xander is?

Liz:

No. You should install trackers on them.

Shannon:

Yes! Xander is at my house, Johnny's coaching him in the morning Gibs said he could sleep over.

Claire:

Eoin....

Liz:

That little gremlin is at my house.

Leah:

I thought Asher and Niamh were at Claire's house with Xander.

Liz:

Do any of you know where any of your kids are?

Claire:

Charlotte is in her room playing with her new barbies! So cute, I hope she never grows up.

Emily:

She's at my house, playing monster trucks with Evan and Annie, they're having a sleepover remember?

Shannon:

Annie's playing with monster trucks?

Emily:

No, she's dancing around them though, using one of the trucks as a waltz partner.

Aoife:

Aw, I miss having little kids.

Shannon:

I know right, I used to take Caoimhe to all her dance practices and spend the weekends with her and now we barely talk, I feel like a bad mom to her sometimes.

Claire:

Don't even think that babe!

Liz:

Caoimhe loves you, she's just a teenager.

Shannon:

Thanks, but I never felt like I lost Rory or Connor at this age.

Katie:

You haven't lost her, she's just discovering herself.

Liz:

In Ryder's bedroom?

Shannon:

What?!

Leah:

Wait what? I feel so out of the loop on the teen drama.

Katie:

Ryder told me they aren't dating, and every time she comes over I make him keep the door open. I trust him, he wouldn't hurt Keev.

Liz:

Patrick used to date 'casually'

Aoife:

Causing drama?

Liz:

Just observations.

Aoife:

How about you observe that Tadhg, the biggest player of them all's son is all loved up for Niamh.

Leah:

Hey! My husband isn't a player and neither is my son.

Emily:

Really?

Leah:

I remember him rejecting you.

Emily:

I remember you kissing my husband before me.

Claire:

Who needs the current teen drama, when we can just relive ours?

Katie:

Please no.

Shannon:

I second Katie.

Claire:

Back to the point, where the hell is Quinn?

Emily:

He's seventeen, he's fine.

Liz:

He's a Gibson, they're never fine.

Claire:

Lizzziiieiieeeeeeeeee

Liz:

Yes?

Claire:

Be nice.

Liz:

Fine, just call Rory or Kieran or one of the twins.

Shannon:

Rory's not answering.

Aoife:

Neither are the twins.

Shannon:

Connor and Kieran didn't pick up either.

Katie:

Neither did Ryder.

Shannon:

Caoimhe didn't answer.

Liz:

Very glad I'm not part of the teen drama.

Emily:

Where's Maeve?

Leah:

Do any of you ever know where your children are?

Liz:

Shit, Eoin's gone too.

Katie:

Wait so, Rory, Kieran, Quinn, Conor, Erin, Addie, Caoimhe, Ryder, Maeve, and Eoin are missing. That means they're all together, and they'll be looking out for each other.

Shannon:

Yeah.

Shannon:

I'm just worried about Caoimhe.

Katie:

Her brothers and Ryder won't let anything happen to her.

Chapter Text

Monday, September 23rd

Spencer:

I walk into the Tommen library, my eyes catching on the shelves where I had sat with Rory and his friends and family and was reminded I would never be with one of them.

Things had been better at the party, but I couldn't help but feel that I was letting my guard down stupidly, like I was setting myself up to get hurt.

"Hi, are you Spencer?" A girl, who is notably tall asks me, and I nod. She tucks her hair behind her ears, I'm not sure what her natural hair colour is but she's definitely dyed it blonde, "I'm Fiona Brennan, your tutor."

"Oh great," I say shaking her hand, "Brennan..." I say knowing her name sounds familiar, "your sister's Freya-" I suddenly think better, "sorry."

"Don't be," she says giving me a smile that doesn't reach her eyes, "she really liked your brother."

Freya and Cole had dated in high school, but I never realized her little sister went to this school.

She passed away around the same time Cole dropped out of school.

I clear my throat, "so I hear you're like a math genius."

She smiles, "yeah I'm okay."

We move to sit down at her table, she's already got a couple books open.

"I didn't know they were holding basketball tryouts in the library," Chris McGarry randomly says, and I didn't even notice he had been sitting at one of the tables in the back.

It was over an hour before school started, so I had no idea why he was here.

"Feeling emasculated that we're taller than you?" I ask and he just rolls his eyes and looks back to his phone.

We weren't actually taller than him, but we were definitely taller than average. Especially Fiona, I'd say she was around 5'11".

Fiona rolls her eyes as we sit down at the table, and dryly says, "that joke never gets old."

"Have you ever played camogie?" I ask, because I can't help it, my mind will always be trying to find new players, and this girl would definitely be an asset. She would just have to gain some muscle, she was all skin and bones.

She shakes her head, "no, I don't do sports."

I laugh, "no worries," and then I tell her the unit we're currently on and what areas I'm struggling in and she starts to form a plan.

"If you don't mind me asking, why did you honours math?" she then clarifies, "I mean you're definitely not stupid, it just seems like you didn't really learn the proper foundations of this stuff."

"Yeah I was a bit of a superstar at BCS, but if you hadn't noticed, I'm not everyone's favourite at Tommen," I say, starting one of the homework questions.

"Marge?" She asks knowingly.

"Yes!" I say, "that woman has it out for me, and Mrs. Chambers too."

She laughs, "okay now I definitely have to help you pass, just to spite them."

I smile, "I like a girl who appreciates spite," and she smiles back.

We spend the rest of the hour going through the work, and I already feel better about it all.

"Spencer?" Someone asks and I look up seeing Connor and Adeline walking over to our table, and I wonder if Fiona's friends with them, considering they're in the same year.

"Hey," I say.

Addie sits down on the table surface and looks at what we're doing, "you know you could've asked Erin to tutor you."

"Really?" I ask.

"Oh yeah, she's like the math version of Elle Woods," Adeline says.

"That's cool, but I'm good with Fiona," I say.

"Yes, Fi is also very smart," Connor says looking at her, but Fiona stays looking unaffected, her posture just as rigid, her green eyes light and unassuming and her lips pursed, as if she's above this conversation. "Very very smart," he adds and I think it's genuine, not teasing, just being nice.

"That was some party," Adeline comments.

"Did you go?" I ask Fiona, not remembering seeing her there, but I also hadn't put together who she was yet, so I hadn't exactly been looking for her.  

"No," she says simply.

Connor speaks up then, "yeah um...Spencer, I just wanted to say thank you for standing up for Caoimhe like that."

I shrug, "it was nothing."

"No it was really nice, especially considering what a dick Rory's been to you," Connor says.

"Anyone would've done it," I dismiss, slipping my worksheet into a folder.

"I would've probably gauged his eye out while I was at it," Adeline says.

"There were moments I wanted to," I say, and then say goodbye to them when they exit the library and start helping Fiona clean up her books and supplies.

"So," I start, "are you going to become like a mathematician or something?"

She looks to me like I'm crazy, "no, I'm becoming a doctor."

"Oh," I say surprised, already feeling sorry for any patient having to deal with her bed side manner, "that's very noble of you."

"What about you?" She asks, and I can tell it's because she thinks she's obligated to ask me back.

"Something to do with camogie," I say, "I'd love to play professionally, and eventually coach."

"What do your parents think of that?" She asks, like I just said I was planning to get a face tattoo and not share my main passion in life.

"My brothers are supportive," I say.

Her face drops, "shoot, I'm sorry I totally forgot, I didn't mean-"

"Don't worry about it," I say truthfully, "they would be happy as long as I'm happy."

She looks at me like I've just spoken French, and I wonder for a second if I accidentally signed it, but I hadn't.

She then looks at me again, "do you have a boyfriend?"

I rear back from the random question, "no...why?"

"I don't know, I was just curious," she says looking down, and I think she probably doesn't have many or any friends or siblings to talk to this kind of stuff about.

"Do you have one?" I ask, and I can guess the answer but it might be good for her to talk about it.

"No," she scoffs, "my parents would never let me, and plus," she gestures to herself, "no guy wants their date looking down at them."

I got what she meant a little, now in high school height had evened out more, but in primary school I had always been one of the tallest.

"You'd be surprised," I say, "and a bunch of the rugby guys are tall," and then add, "Connor's got like half a foot on you."

"Kavanagh?" She asks incredulously.

"What other 6'5" Connors do you know?" I ask sarcastically.

"No," she says resolutely, "besides even if... it doesn't even matter," she aggressively zips up her backpack.

"Shit, I'm sorry," I say standing up from my chair with her, "I really didn't mean to offend you."

She exhales, "you didn't, I'm just..."" she slings her backpack over her shoulder, "do you want to meet up Wednesday morning?"

"Yeah sounds good," I say grabbing my own backpack, twisting the strap anxiously feeling like I did something wrong and just watch as she leaves.

"She's a total bitch right?" Chris asks, popping up out of fucking nowhere.

"Jesus," I gasp, "wear a bell next time."

"Are you saying you want to see me more?" He smirks.

"No," I glare and start to walk away, because my dear old Uncle Shane dropped by the cafe yesterday and gave me another delivery to make, same order, same locker, and I need to make it there before the bell rings .

"Hold up-" Chris says stepping in front of me.

"I don't have time for this," I sneer, trying to push past him.

"Locker 328 right?"

My blood runs cold.

No one saw me, the hallway was fucking empty that morning.

How the hell did he know?

And more importantly who is he going to tell?

Or has he told already?

I turn to him, "what are you talking about?"

"Relax Holland," he says, putting a hand on my arm, not even a little fazed when I recoil from him, "it's my locker."

And I suddenly realize he was here so early because he waiting for me. To get me alone.

Chapter Text

Monday, September 23rd

Spencer:

I rear back, my mind racing, "it was you, wasn't it?"

He smirks.

"You bought the team drugs," I accuse.

He tsks, "maybe you don't need a tutor after all."

"Why are you telling me this?" I ask, "I could tell Rory it was you."

He looks at me smugly, "you already knew that though, because you're the one who sold them to me, right?"

Fuck.

He chuckles, "you tell Rory, I tell the police it was Cole Holland who sold me drugs, and then it's your brother in a jail cell."

His hand has snaked around my wrist and I feel uneasy, "what do you want Chris?" I snarl.

He runs his finger along my arm, "Rory likes you."

I give him a puzzled look, and he elaborates, "and I want to hurt Rory, so you're going to be my date to the athletics banquet on Friday."

I don't think it'll hurt Rory all that much but it will definitely hurt Maeve and Eoin and the thought sickens me.

"Why would I do that?" I ask, "it's mutual destruction if this gets out, and I sure as hell don't have the same loyalty for you as I do my brother."

He gives me a grim smile and it makes a little more sense, he wanted to get caught the first time.

"You're the rat," I sneer, "you piece of shit, you hate them that much that you would ruin their careers?"

He scoffs, "oh please they'll be fine."

"So what? You just don't care what happens to you?" I ask.

He shrugs, "I'll pick you up at eight, wear a dress."

And then he holds his hand out, and waits until I drop the package into it before shoving his hands into his pockets and walking out the door.

I bite my lip as the bell rings.

Fuck my life.

I walk into the hallway my throat feeling scratchy and like I can't fully breathe.

I walk to music class in a sort of daze, dropping into a chair, not even noticing that I didn't have to grab it from the stack. Quinn must have got it for me and I know I should thank him but I don't.

"You okay Holland?" He asks, his usually carefree face etched in concern.

I nod, and go through the rest of my day in a sort of daze, barely responsive.

I go through my whole shift at the cafe afterschool speaking only when absolutely necessary.

And by the time I'm home, seeing Cole sleeping on the couch, and the light glow from the lamp through the cracks in Charlie's closed door. I slip into my bedroom not bothering to brush my teeth or wash my face and I cry.

I hadn't cried since my parent's funeral yet here I was.

The Tommen boys had finally broke me.

Chapter Text

Friday, September 27th

Spencer:

The Tommen Athletics banquet was held on the last Friday of September to celebrate the hardworking athletes and their families. 

A night where the rich parents and alumni could show off to their equally rich 'friends' and give away a bunch of money so their kids can continue playing those sports. 

Up until recently it was just a rugby banquet, but after cheerleading was incorporated into Tommen, both teams were honoured. 

I had zero intention of going, or least I hadn't.

Juliet had invited me and Eve, to go as her plus ones, but I could barely handle the rugby team, I didn't think their parents would add well to the mix. 

But Chris McGarry knew that and well now I was going as his date. 

I hated this. 

I hated him. 

And I was absolutely loathing the thought of having to go with him tonight. 

"Hey," Eoin says putting down a bin of dirty dishes next to the sink, "you know Maeve and I have to leave early tonight right?"

"Yeah," I say, biting my lip because I should probably mention I'll be getting off at the same time for the same damn event. "You're all good."

He chuckles, "believe me, I'd rather stay here than go to an event celebrating the rugby team."

"Oh yeah?" I ask, "why are you going then?"

"It's my brother's senior year," he explains, "plus my friends are going."

I nod, "makes sense."

"I'd invite you to come with us," he says, "but the parents might riot," he adds amused, and I grit my teeth, glad when Maeve walks over and informs him she's ready to go.

I stay a few extra minutes later than I probably should, because I wanted to put off going as much as possible, but as the clock hand dips lower, I finally leave.

I walk quickly to my apartment building, trying to put the thought of my impending doom to the back of my head. 

Unlocking the door, I walk in to find my brothers standing against the kitchen cupboard watching Chris intensely. 

God, why did he have to get here early?

"Spencer," he greets coldly, his hands fisted in his suit jacket pockets, "where were you?"

I watch as Cole and Charlie's jaws tighten as they see the way he talks to me, and grimace, I had kind of mentioned I was going to something with a friend, but it was clear as day now that it was a date. 

They wouldn't really care if I dated, I mean they were protective but only when it was warranted. And just looking at Chris you knew it was warranted. 

"Got held up at work," I lie, and then add, "sorry, I'll just be a minute," and slip into my room closing the door behind me. 

I look through my closet and eavesdrop on the conversation happening outside. 

Cole clears his throat, "so you asked Spencer out?" I'm just glad Cole doesn't recognize him, he told me that whoever bought the drugs was wearing a hood and sunglasses, purposefully concealing their identity, but I was kind of worried he might recognize his voice or something. 

"Yep."

"And she said yes?" Charlies asks. 

"Would I be here if she hadn't?" Chris asks, and the answer is very much yes, because he never even gave me the option. 

I change into black pants and a long sleeve white shirt with little lace details, not fancy but not horrible. I run my fingers through my hair and even add a little lipgloss. I slide my black boots on and head out my bedroom door. 

Chris's face falls and his mouth twists, "Spencer."

"Yeah?" I ask, pocketing my phone. 

Chris exhales visibly annoyed, and Charlie puts a hand on Cole's chest to stop him from moving towards him, "I thought I told..." he rephrases, "all the other girls wear dresses to this, you don't want to be the only one not right?" He asks like I'm a child or something, trying to trick me into changing. 

"She can wear whatever she wants," Charlie snaps, and I can tell he's wondering why in hell I would agree to go out with this guy. 

"She'll be the only-"

"It's fine," I cut him off, and walk back into my bedroom towards my closet. 

It wasn't that I hated dresses or despised feminine things, I didn't. It was just that I hadn't had a mother for the last six years and although I love my brothers more than anything, their influence made me a bit of a tomboy. 

And sometimes, especially in moments like this, I wish I had more knowledge about this kind of stuff. I guess I could have asked Eve and Jules, but even they didn't know I was coming yet. 

I slip off my jeans and go to my closet, where I have one singular dress. A black dress with lace details that I thrifted at the beginning of last year when I went shopping with some of my old friends. 

They had dared me to try it on, and then insisted I buy it. 

I had to wear it, and even looking at it now it was a little daunting, and maybe a little scandalous for Tommen parents. It probably wouldn't have been on Jules, but I was tall and it was kind of short on me. 

I throw it on, and walk out again, Charlie and Cole smiling when they see I've changed into a dress but kept the white long sleeve on underneath. 

"That's not-" Chris starts, but I glare at him harshly, and interrupt him. 

"Come on, we're going to be late," I say walking to him and opening the door, my brothers walking over to us as we exit. 

Cole starts, "if one hair on her head is harmed, you're done."

"Noted," Chris swallows. 

Charlie taps my shoulder, and whispers, "are you sure you want to go to this thing?"

I want so fucking badly to say no, and fall into his arms like I used to do when I was little. I wanted to tell Cole this boy was being mean to me like I used to do in primary school, and watch as Cole pushed him off the swings. 

But I wasn't that girl anymore. I had to protect my family too.  

I swallow the lump in my throat, "yep," and take one last look at my brothers, remembering why I'm doing this all in the first place. 

Closing the door, I walk side by side with the bane of my fucking existence. 

"You look stupid," he comments. 

"So do you," I say. 

"Why couldn't you just do one thing right?" He asks. 

"I'm here aren't I?" I say, and reach over to tug on his black tie a little, and laugh as he swats my hand away. 

"Whatever," he grumbles, "and your brothers have some nerve pretending they have some moral high ground when they're bloody drug dealers."

"Says one of their best costumers, you hypocrite," I sneer, taking him down the stairs. 

"The difference is I'm discreet."

"Yeah, except when you cause a whole national drug scandal for your school," I retort. 

"That was intentional," he dismisses. 

We walk out to his car, and I'm kind of shocked it hasn't been stolen already, a car that nice in this area probably wouldn't have lasted that much longer out here. 

I open my own door and try my best not to act impressed at the nice interior. 

"I have a question," I announce a few minutes into our drive, and I don't wait for him to respond, "if you knew I had nothing to do with the drugs, why have you been terrorizing me?" I ask, "like when you showed up to the cafe and the whole mop water thing?"

He shrugs, "can't a guy have hobbies?"

"Bullying innocent girls?"

"A casualty of war," he dismisses. 

I scoff, "you rich boys thinking every little thing is so bloody important, if you only realized how minuscule your problems actually are," I muse, "how minuscule you are, things would be a hell of a late easier for me."

"Oh so you're just smarter than all of us then?" He asks, "you've got it all figured out?"

"Well-"

"Because no one with a trust fund could ever be unhappy, only poor kids with criminal parents know how bad it can get?" He asks, with an edge to his voice I wasn't expecting. "Right, Holland?"

"Whatever," I say, "I'm here, I don't have to talk to you."

He looks to me and his eyes travel down to my bare legs, and then back to me, "when we're in there you have to stay with me all night, dance when I tell you to, and speak only when I tell you to."

"Good god," I say in denial of my situation. "So what I'm just supposed to stay silent when my friends talk to me?"

"Yes."

"You're a piece of work," I say as we pull into Tommen, and as we get out this time he opens my door for me and puts his arm out for me to hold, making a show of it for anyone watching, and I smile falsely, and whisper through my teeth, "I fucking hate you."

He closes my door and pulls me closer, and whispers back, smiling down at me almost lovingly but I can see right through it, "I don't care."

This was kind of my vision for the outfit, just with the dress kind of longer :)

Chapter Text

Friday, September 27th

Rory:

Spencer had surprised me when she stood up for Caoimhe like that. 

Being one of the oldest kids in our massive family came with a lot of responsibility. With AJ away at university and no longer attending Tommen, it felt like I had to take care of all of them. Especially the ones in school with me. 

Connor, Erin, Addie, Eoin, Maeve, Ryder, and Caoimhe were all behind me and I couldn't help but feel responsible. 

I knew I wasn't always the best at it, but I still felt it. And seeing someone else time after time stepping into that role did something to me. 

First with protecting Maeve in the cafe, and now with Caoimhe and Chris. 

I also knew what a personal sacrifice it was for her. 

It made me feel like maybe I had it all wrong about her. I knew I had been an asshole to her. But the girl who took care of those important to me couldn't have been the same one who hurt me and my friends. 

It made me think of how I had no idea why she would have told on us, or called the cops and made them suspect the team of anything. 

So I was going to talk to her, well first I was going to apologize for the last month and then I wanted to hear her side of the story because I was tired of pretending not to want to talk to her or get to know her better.

So before I went to Tommen's athletics banquet I drove to her side of town and knocked on her door, not wanting to go the whole night without talking to her first. 

The door opens and a lad I recognized from having picked up Spencer up from school, but had never met face to face. 

His eyes drag down my body taking in the sight of my black suit, and he eyes me warily, "what do you want?"

"Could I speak to Spencer?" I ask. I had gotten the address from Eoin after a bunch of coercing but it would be like him to give the incorrect one. Not on purpose just not caring enough to double check the information. 

"My sister's not here," he says. 

"Is she at work?" I ask. 

"No, she's-" 

"Cole, who's at the door?" Charlie asks, coming into view, his forehead creasing as he sees me, "why are you here?"

"I just wanted to talk to her," I say not missing the hard look on his face. 

"I thought we were beneath you," he says and I realize Spencer must have told him about what I said in the library.

"I'm sorry about that," I say, and then add, "and about AJ, I shouldn't have said all that to Erin."

"Who's AJ?" Cole asks looking to his brother. 

"He's my cousin," I say, "and his sister and Spencer were trying to set Charlie and him up and I... I ruined it."

Cole turns to Charlie and I can't help but feel that I'm missing something here, "you liked him?"

Charlie looks uncomfortable,"it doesn't matter," he dismisses, "what are you doing here Kavanagh?"

"I wanted to apologize to your sister, and thank her for helping my sister," I explain. 

"What'd she do?" Cole asks.

"Oh, you know Chris, from the whole cafeteria incident?" I ask and Charlie nods looking very much interested, "he dared Caoimhe to do something, and she went in her place."

"Going to the banquet?" He asks. 

"No," I say a little confused, "it was at the party."

"Well what was it then?" Cole snaps, and I can't help but feel that once again I'm missing something here. 

"It was..." I really do not want to say this in front of her admittedly scary brothers, especially when the rage I felt when I had to see Spencer with Chris was like nothing I'd ever felt before, "he wanted my little sister to sit on his lap."

"So you made Spencer do it?" He asks accusingly. 

"No," I snap, "she just did it, I got her off on my next turn."

"And what did you transfer her to you?" Charlie asks. 

Fuck, I kind of did, he was making it sound worse than it was though. Right?

"I... it wasn't like that," I say, wondering how I had ended up here, I had just wanted to have a quick conversation with Spencer and now I was getting put on trial by her brothers. 

"So what? You think because she's a terrace kid, you can just use her?" Cole snaps, moving closer to me and I can't help but shrink back a little, "like she's some toy for the rich Tommen boys to play with?"

"No," I say and then snap again, "no."

Charlie speaks up again, "this Chris kid... he's..."

I finish his question, "bad fucking news, he's been a menace my whole life, like generational hatred towards my family."

Cole and Charlie look towards each other, their gazes locking making me feel very uneasy. 

"What?" I demand. 

"So Chris would be looking to hurt Spencer?" Cole asks. 

"Yeah," I say, "anyone connected to my family at all, even just her friendship with Maeve or Evelyn would set him off."

Charlie clears his throat, but just keeps looking at his younger brother. 

"Where is Spencer?" I ask, "just let me talk to her and then I'll go."

Charlie turns to me his jaw set, "she just left to go to that banquet."

"Oh," I say a little surprised, realizing I could have avoided this conversation altogether and talked to her at the school,"with Juliet?" I ask, because that's the only athlete she really knows, or maybe Eoin invited her. 

"No," Cole says, "with Chris."

Chapter Text

Friday, September 27th

Spencer:

"Spencer?" Juliet calls out, running over to me leaving her table. "What are you doing here?" she asks and then grows in concern when she looks over to see me arm and arm with Chris. 

I stay silent, because if Chris is going to treat me like some child he can control, I'm going to be a Veruca Salt level  brat. 

"Spencer?" She prompts again, and Chris pinches my arm, signalling me to speak. 

"Hi Jules," I say, almost as if I was ballerina in a music box and he twisted the handle, waking me from stillness. 

"What are you doing here? I thought you had work," Juliet asks looking warily at Chris. 

"I was actually able to get the time off," I say, hating lying to my new friend. 

"Oh," she says warily, "so you came with Chris?"

I bite my lip, and speak again when he pinches me for a second time, and I make a mental note to pinch him once we're alone, "he's very persuasive."

"Sorry," Jules says, "I don't understand what's happening."

"Nothing to understand," Chris says, "we're leaving." And before I can even say goodbye to my friend he drags me to his family's table. 

I sit down looking at his brothers minus Kieran, and who must be his parents.

"This is Spencer," Chris announces directing me to the seat beside him and his younger brother, Cian. 

"Hi Spencer," a man says his voice kind of cold, "I'm Ronan McGarry, Chris's father, and this is my wife, Bella."

Ronan had a sort of distinguished look about him, with arrogance floating around him, and his wife was pretty, and you could tell she had already had a lot of work done. 

"Nice to meet you," I say, and granted I don't know much about this family, but I do know that Eoin's said for whatever reason they hated the Kavanaghs and all of their friends and family. 

"This is Cillian, and Cian," Bella says pointing to her younger twin sons, who I had the displeasure of already meeting. Cian seemed okay, but Cillian was a menace like his older brother. 

"Hey," I say looking over at them.

"Hey," Cian returns, and Cillian just gives me an unreadable look. 

"That's a lot of sons," I say, thinking how their house must be mayhem, especially with them all being rugby players. 

Bella smirks, "I was excited having all boys, you know, no competition that way," she says, "but I had failed to consider that means four daughter in laws," she says her eyes lingering over me like she wants to rip my unwrinkled skin off and wear it.  

Who the hell views their children as competition?

"Are your parents here tonight?" Bella asks, and I just know she was a mean girl in high school. The type of girl who prided herself on male validation, and never really left high school behind. 

Before I can answer, Chris cuts in, "Spencer's an orphan."

I expect his parents to reprimand him, but they just nod like that was in any way okay to say. 

"Who pays for you to go to Tommen then?" Ronan asks. 

I bite my lip, "my older brothers, we all live together."

"What business are they in?" Ronan asks, and I guess he hasn't connected who I am exactly. 

"Uh," I start, it was common knowledge how my family made their money, no one ever asked, but I guess Chris hadn't introduced me with my surname. 

"Holland," I hear snapped behind me, and I look back to see Rory looking oddly venomously at me. 

I twist in my seat, "what?"

He had been kind of nice to me since the party, and I thought we were okay. I mean we weren't braiding each other's hair, but we had an understanding. But right now he was looking at me like I was once again the root of all his problems. 

"Can I talk to you?" He says, less of a question and more of a demand, "you too," he says to Chris and we both rise. I'm a little nervous but Chris looks excited. What a freak. 

Quinn and Kieran walk over to us now, looking questionably at Rory, and then Eve and Juliet walk over too. 

We all walk to the hallway leaving the banquet hall and Rory looks tense as hell as he turns to me. 

"So you two were working together?" He accuses. 

"What?" I ask. 

"Has this all been some elaborate prank?" He asks, "infiltrate my family and then what?" Rory says, "what's your big plan Spencer?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about Kavanagh," I say, and I try to shrug out of Chris's hold, but it's no use. 

"What's going on?" Quinn asks, "why are you so upset Kav?"

"Because these two have been bloody scheming this whole time," he says, "why else would they be each other's dates right now?"

"Hey," Jules cuts in, "Spencer wouldn't do that."

"How well do you really know her Juliet?" Rory asks, "it's been less than a month."

"So what," I cut in, "you think that I transferred to Tommen just to mess with you?" I ask, "why would I ever do that? Why would you think I cared enough?"

"You...you, my cousins and my siblings they trust you-" he rambles, incoherently. 

"Oh yes," I say sarcastically, "I've been running some revenge plot on you, turning your family against you," I laugh, "you sound fucking crazy."

Chris chuckles, and I fight the urge to puke as her runs his fingers along my arm. Like I'm his pet or something. 

"What else am I supposed to believe, when you're here with him?"

Evelyn steps forward and signs to me, "why are you here with him?"

I pull my arm from Chris to answer but he holds it still, "I just need to talk to Eve," I explain, assuming he'll understand. 

I pull my arm again, but to no avail, "she doesn't need to understand."

"What the fuck did you just say?" Kieran demands, and Eve looks between them frantically trying to watch the right person's lips. 

"You heard me brother," he sneers, "your bitch doesn't need to be here, she's just causing unnecessary work."

Juliet snaps at that, "Spencer, what the hell are you doing with him?" My blood runs cold at the thought that these people believe this about me, that I would be so diabolical to fake these friendships. 

"I..." Chris cuts me off, but to be honest I had no clue what I was going to say to her. 

"Spencer," he says snakily. His cold look told me all I needed to know. 

If I went against anything he said, Cole would be the one to pay for it. 

"Why would she ever do any of this?" Juliet says, "it's not like her at all."

Rory looks at me coldly, "anything for the right price?" He cocks his head and I feel like my insides are turning inside of me. 

That's what they all see me as don't they?

Someone who's cheap, who's expandable and whose loyalty can be bought. 

I've never felt as ashamed as I do right now. 

Like terrace trash. 

I've never felt it, I was always told that I had something special, that I had grit and could work hard and that I would get out. I would escape my family's legacy. 

But here I was, a legitimate drug dealer, being used by someone like Chris, and it becomes so fucking clear that this is how these people would always see me.

No matter what uniform I wore or how I treated them I would always only be this. 

I felt like Chris Chambers with the fucking milk money. 

I don't know if I want to cry at the situation, or laugh at the fact I thought it could be different. 

"Ror..." Quinn says cringing, "that was too much."

But I can just tell all of them are wondering if it's true, I bite my lip to stop myself from crying. 

I thought Chris had broken me, but I think only Rory could have done that truly. 

I realized then that I guess I kind of liked him. Respected him at least. I wanted, no craved his approval. 

I had been stupid to think I'd ever get it. 

"Who was going to tell us the party got moved out here?" Eoin asks walking out beside Maeve, who's eyes turn more concerned as they take in the sight in front of them, "hey what's going on?"

I finally manage to pull out of Chris's hold and the second I do, I bolt to the bathroom, because over my dead body would I let them see me cry. 

I book it all the way to a bathroom stall and I slide down the door, hugging my knees to my chest and covering my eyes with my hands catching my tears. 

I sit like that for a few minutes feeling defeated, until I hear a knock on the stall and look under it to see four sets of shoes. 

"Spencer?" Juliet asks warily, "can we talk?"

"I don't want to talk," I say, trying to harden my voice but it's obvious I'm sobbing. 

Those fucking words. 

Anything for the right price. 

Like poor people are just things for the rich to buy and do with as they please. 

"We just want to understand," Eoin says. 

My heart soars a little that they didn't just immediately lose faith in me. 

I wipe my face off with my sleeve, hoping to conceal the fact I had been crying but I know it's no use at this point. 

I open the door and move forward a bit so I'm outside of the stall but still sitting against it, and Juliet, Eve, Maeve, and Eoin sit down too. 

I know it's super gross to sit on a bathroom floor but I wasn't too concerned right now, and by the looks of it the floors had been freshly cleaned for the event, plus it wasn't the main washroom for guests to use so it was pretty private. 

"Do you want to tell us what's really going on?" Eve signs, and I hate that they're all seeing me like this, like I'm weak. 

I look to all of them and decide these are the only people I could confide in. 

I exhale, "if I tell you this, it can never leave this room, I mean ever," I look to Maeve and Eoin because this effects their family, "under no circumstance, even if you think it will help."

They all nod and I start from the beginning. 

"I... I never sold the drugs," I say and their mouths hang open, "Chris tracked down my brother and bought them for the team, and then Chris tipped the Gardai off to get them in trouble."

"That motherfucker," Eoin curses, angered for his brother and his old team. 

"So you took the blame?" Eve asks. 

I shrug, "it was either I got expelled or Cole got arrested, so I did what I had to do," I say, "I couldn't get into any other public school because of my record, so Cole got me in here."

"So you've been just accepting all this abuse when you never even did it?" Juliet asks.

"It's worth it," I say, "to keep Cole out of prison."

"So why are you with Chris tonight then?" Meave asks. 

"Well Chris knows I wasn't the one to sell him the drugs, and he can tell the Gardai the truth at any time, so I kind of have to do what he says," I say completely defeated. 

"Jesus Spence," Juliet says and reaches over to rub my arm, Eve doing the same thing. 

"Why can't we just tell Rory and them?" Maeve asks. 

"Because I can't risk Cole's life like that," I say, "this was really fucking dangerous telling all of you, so please don't tell anyone."

"We won't," Eoin promises and the others nod. 

"Thanks," I say, and my heart feels much more full with the knowledge that these four didn't give up on me. 

I bring myself to stand, brushing my dress off, "well I should get back to my date."

Chapter Text

Friday, September 27th

Rory:

"Rory!!!" Annie, my five year old cousin, comes running over to me, jumping into my arms. 

"You're getting tall," I say, my mind elsewhere.

She wraps her small arms around my neck, and I watch as her parents move towards us. 

"How have you been Rory?" My uncle Ollie asks. 

"Good," I say, although it's currently a lie. 

"I saw you go off with your friends earlier," my Aunt Emily comments, rubbing her very pregnant stomach, "is everything alright?"

"Yep," I say placing my little cousin down smoothing out her tulle pink skirt that resembles a ballet costume Caoimhe would've worn when she was Annie's age. "We just had to clear something up."

"Okay," Emily says her eyes dragging on Spencer walking back into the gym, Juliet and Eve on either side of her. 

They must have forgiven her already, or they know something I don't because if I found out my friend had untoward motivations I wouldn't be so quick to let them back in. But given by the way they both rub her back, and look at her with care, I can assume they're lost to the dark side as well. 

I didn't want to think it had all been some elaborate plan, mainly because I don't think me and my family are worth so much scheming. 

But what else makes sense? 

Why else would Spencer possibly go on a date with Chris?

Had she forgotten about the whole pouring dirty mop water on her in front of the whole school?

Annie puts her feet on my shoe, jumping from one to the other, but I can barely pay attention. 

"How's your season been so far?" my uncle asks.

"It's been good," I say, "haven't lost a game yet."

"That's good," he says and I hand Annie back to them, and walk over to my family's table, the one we're sharing with my uncle Joey, aunt Aoife and the twins. But only the kids are sitting at it right now.

"You good?" Connor asks, stacking some type of crackers together to form a sandwich.

"Yeah," I choke out. 

"What happened with Holland?"

"What?" I snap. 

"Are you like jealous or something?" He asks, biting into his monstrosity, and getting crumbs all over the table. 

"Jealous of what?"

"Spencer dating Chris," he says, brushing his mess onto the floor. 

"They're not dating," I sneer, "she's his date for a school function."

"Right," he chuckles, "thanks for clarifying."

"Why would you think I was jealous?" I ask. 

Caoimhe cuts in, "because you're obsessed with her."

Connor nods, shoving more crackers into his mouth, "exactly."

"Yeah, I'd say," Adeline comments and Erin nods while blowing bubbles in her drink. 

"I'm not obsessed with her," I say, "she's just everywhere."

"Everywhere in your mind," Erin says.

Spencer Holland did take up a large space in my mind, but I wasn't into her. She annoyed me, constantly pushing her way into my life. 

"You guys don't know what you're talking about," I grumble. 

"So you don't think she's pretty?" Erin prods. 

"No, of course, she's good looking," I say, because it's true, and I can't help but let my eyes travel to her. 

That dress was killing me, the black lace silk paired with the white shirt, was a perfect metaphor for her as a person, and her long tan legs with black boots were something else. Of course I noticed her. Her green eyes, her light brown eyes, they way her nose scrunches when smiles-

Fuck I think I might be obsessed with her. 

But it's not how they think, it's annoyance and a little bit of attraction. But the annoyance far outweighs the attraction. I think. Yes. Well... Yes, outweighed. 

Plus physical attraction is like a small percentage of actually liking someone. 

"And you like her personality?" Adeline asks. 

"I don't like that she sold-" I start. 

"No not her actions," Addie clarifies, "her personality."

Fuck, I did admire her a lot for that. She was just so unforgiving and strong. Like an unmovable wall. She was protective and funny and smart and respectful to those who returned it. People like all my family members it seemed just flocked to her, they wanted to be in her light. 

The unmoving rock face against the waves, sturdy and steady and unaffected.

The other night I had listened to my Mam and one of her best friend's Liz, talk about how much Spencer had helped her daughter, Maeve. 

And I had definitely seen the difference in her. More confidence, less scared, and it was thanks to the girl I hated. How could I hate her if she could do that? If she could have that effect on people. 

"Get your own food," Caoimhe calls out as Eoin who must have just walked over reaches over her head to grab some of the food on her plate. Eoin just ignores her protests and smirks. 

"What do you think Eoin," Erin prompts, "you think Ror's in love with Spencer?"

His eyes flick over to mine, and then mumbles, "if he is, he's got a real funny way of showing it."

"What does that mean?" Caoimhe asks. 

"Nothing," Eoin says grabbing more food.

"What do you know Gibson?"Erin demands. 

"Yeah, what'd Rory do?" Connor asks. 

"I'm not getting involved," he says, and I can tell he's annoyed with me. but I'm not quite sure why. 

"Come on Eoin, what will it take for you to tell us?" Erin pleads. 

Eoin's gaze turns to me uncharacteristically cold, "well I guess for the right price, right Ror?"

I cringe, that was too far, I knew it was. I went too far. 

I was just so angry, I still am. 

But the look of hurt in her eyes was unmistakable, and I didn't know anything anymore. 

"What?" Addie asks confused, and then ducks her head down near her plate, "hide me, I see Alexia."

"Oh yes, hiding from her will make you better than her," Connor jokes. 

Addie's head pops up quickly, "I am better than her."

"Of course you are," Connor says patronizingly. 

"Hi Adeline," a girl who I look over to be Alexia Markris greets. 

"Hi Alex," Addie greets coldly. 

"Great match yesterday," she responds, "you were really good."

Addie smiles, "thanks, you too," and with that her football nemesis leaves, and Addie sneers, "what a bitch."

"She gave you a compliment," I point out. 

Addie rolls her eyes, and chuckles, "boys are so stupid," and Erin and Caoimhe nod their heads in agreement. 

"Like Rory with his obsession," Connor says. 

I roll my eyes, and I can't help but find her again in a tense conversation with Chris. 

Chapter Text

Monday, September 30th

Spencer:

I had spent the whole weekend trying to forget the events of Friday night, throwing myself into work and studying, but it was no use. 

Rory's words played on a loop in my head, and I couldn't escape it no matter how hard I tried. I was honestly rethinking my whole stance on never taking drugs. I had been avoiding them for fear of messing up my camogie team, but I was finding it harder and harder to find a reason. 

I hadn't done anything yet, and I knew I shouldn't. 

I wasn't weak, I could get through this. 

But sometimes I wish I wasn't constantly having to get through something. I wish I didn't always have to be tough. I wish I didn't always have to have my guard up. 

I think sometimes that the truly strong people are those who go through hard times and remain gentle. 

Walking through the halls of Tommen I feel sluggish, and like everyone knew I had gone out with Chris. 

Realistically they would be glaring at me anyway but it still hurt. 

I hadn't spoken to Jules and Eve yet either but I felt like a weight had been lifted off now that they knew. 

I look down at my phone that's now vibrating in my hand. 

Meghan is calling.

I accept the call, not having heard from her since last season. She was my assistant coach and I had kind of left her to flounder on her own. But I didn't exactly have a choice considering the team would no longer exist if I associated with them. 

"Hey Megs," I greet, stopping at what I now know to be Chris's locker, looking around to make sure the hallway's now empty and dropping another package of drugs for him, courtesy of Shane practically jumping me yesterday after work and giving them to me. 

I hated how natural this had become for me, it was too comfortable for my liking. 

"Spencer?"

"I'm here," I say, "is everything okay?"

"Not really," she says, "that asshole Mr. Chambers has been walking all over us this season and he just told us we can't use the GAA fields this weekend to host our qualifying match for the Dublin tournament."

Every October Dublin held a massive Camogie tournament, but part of the qualifying process was being required to host another team for a game. You didn't even need to win just arrange a field, and some officials. 

It was a big deal for secondary school teams and the last two years we haven't had an issue with the qualifying game and have made it to semifinals every time. 

"Did you call-"

"That piece of shit blacklisted us everywhere," she complains. 

"What did Coach Garrison say?" I ask.

"His hands are tied," she says, "he totally yelled at Chambers though." That made me smile. 

I knew why Mr. Chambers hated me and my brothers but I had no idea why he was still going after the team without me there. 

My mind was going into overdrive thinking of possible solutions, because if I couldn't physically be there for my team, I would make this happen for them.

"Don't worry," I say, "you'll be playing this Saturday."

What was that saying? If you can't help yourself, help someone else?

"Really?" Meghan asks in surprise, "you sure? It's okay if you can't-"

"I've got it covered," I say.

"Ok, thank you so much Spence."

"Of course, anything for the team," I say, because helping them is as easy as breathing. 

"We really miss you," Meghan says, "like so bad, we're not the same without you."

I sigh, and can't help but frown, " "I'll call you later."

I hang up, but I don't put my phone away, instead I open the notes app and make a list.

Qualifiers Game:

1. Acquire field

2. Acquire Referee

3. Two linesmen

4. Strangle Mr. Chambers (after game so he knows he lost and we won)

I close it, forming a plan in my mind, and begin walking towards a group I was hoping to avoid. 

Rory Kavanagh standing with his friends and some family members crowded around one of their lockers talking. 

I walk right up to the, earning a couple looks, and without a second thought I call out, "hey Kavanagh."

Rory's bright blue eyes shooting to mine, and for a moment I let myself get lost in them. 

Chapter Text

Monday, September 30th

Rory:

I watch as she comes into my eye-line, walking right towards where I'm standing with Connor, Erin, Quinn, and Kieran. 

I'm practically holding my breath to see if she actually comes over here. 

I had basically spent the whole weekend obsessing over her and our interaction and I had gone over the details so many times my head began to spin. I assumed she was going to ignore me the duration of... well my existence but here she was walking in my direction. 

She stops in front of us and calls out, "hey Kavanagh." my heart beats a little faster, and I get fucking stuck in the sight of her greenish hazel eyes that look right at me. 

I step forward feeling awkward considering the last words we said to each other. 

"Hey Spencer," I say, "what-"

She cuts me off, her face somehow unaffected, the mask of indifference firmly in place after it slipped on Friday night, "I was talking to Connor."

"What?" I ask, feeling my face fall, and I grimace at the chuckle that leaves Connor's mouth as he walks to join us. 

"What can I help with?" He asks smugly. 

"I was hoping for a favour," she says. 

Why couldn't I give her a favour? Maybe because I insinuated that she could be easily bought.  

And why did the hell did I want to be the one to help her?

"What'd you have in mind?" He asks. 

She bites her lip, "you're certified to ref right?"

"Yep," he returns. 

"Are you busy Saturday afternoon?" She asks. 

"Yeah I'm free," he says, his eyes briefly leaving Spencer and over to Fiona Brennan, Tommen's resident Ice Queen walking through the hallway, not even sparing a glance our way. 

He looked back to Spencer as she spoke, "my team...my old team," she corrects, "they're hosting a game, and sort of need one."

"Can't you do it?" He asks. 

She cringes but schools her face, "I won't be allowed to be there actually."

"Oh, yeah I'm free where is the match?"

She nods, "still working that part out," she says, "I'll let you know and of course I'll pay you."

"Okay sounds good," he says, "you need linesmen?"

"You know any?" She asks, "I was going to ask my brothers but they-"

"I can do it," I say before I can even consider it. 

"What?" She asks. 

"I've done it before," I say, "and I'm free."

"Why would you want to?" She asks. 

I shrug, and ignore the question, "our cousin Asher can do it with me."

She smiles and for that it's fucking worth it. Jesus what was going on with my head?

"Thanks, this is actually great," she says, pulling out her phone and I think she's checking something off, maybe a list. 

"What are you going to do about the field?" I ask. 

She runs her hand through her hair, "I'll figure it out," she says and starts to walk away, but I catch up to her, walking in time with her. "What are you doing Kavanagh?"

"If you need help talking to Twomey, I can be there with you if you want," I offer.

She turns to me, "why would I need to talk to him?"

"To ask to use the field," I say, assuming that had been her plan. 

She laughs, "that's cute you think I could pull that off."

Did she just call me cute?

"Why not?" I ask. 

"Twomey hates me, Marge hates me, everyone hates me here," she explains. 

"I don't hate you," I say, earning a look my way but she doesn't say anything."I'll go with you right now, can't hurt to try right?"

"Why are you helping me right now?" She asks. 

I have no fucking idea, I was pretty set on never speaking to her after Friday night but I don't know, I wanted to help. 

"Remember what I said at detention about how if I have a problem I like to solve it, get my hands dirty?" I ask. 

"Yeah I can recall that," she says walking beside, and we're definitely earning some curious stares but no one actually says anything, "but this is my problem, not yours."

"Don't think too much about it Spencer," I say, "just accept that I'm doing something nice."

She was so guarded and untrusting I wondered if she ever even relaxed or had any semblance in peace in her life. 

Although judging by her determination right now, I'd say she might get that from playing camogie. 

We walk up to the office where I smile at Marge the miserable secretary who had a soft spot for the rugby team. 

"Marge," I greet, "you're looking good today, is that a new hairstyle?" 

She smiles and bats her hand away at the air, "I've been wearing my hair like this since before you were born."

"Hmm," I say, "there's just something about it today."

"How can I help you Mr. Kavanagh?" She asks looking at Spencer behind me menacingly. 

"I was hoping to speak to Twomey it's kind of important," I say and watch as Marge picks up her phone to ask, and I can't help but look over at Spencer who looks at me in amusement. "What?"

"That should be the headline," she says, "Kavanagh on the hunt for cougars."

I laugh, "I'm just helping you out, you usually can't get an appointment day of."

She smirks, "and you call me cheap."

My face falls, "I never said that, I just... I'm sorry about that, I shouldn't have said it like it that."

She turns her head forward again, "don't worry about it, it's forgotten."

"Are you sure because I know-" I start. 

"Relax," she says her jaw tight, "I don't care what you think of me."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings-"

"If you were close enough to me hurt my feelings, then you would know none of what you said was remotely true," she says, "but you're not, so there's no harm."

I don't know what to say, and walk in sort of speechless to Mr. Twomey's office. 

"Ah Rory, what can I help you with-" he stops mid sentence, "Miss Holland?"

"Hi," she says, "we were hoping we could have a word."

"Of course," Twomey says looking a little eery and I get why. Tommen was put through the fucking ringer with the scandal, loads of kids got pulled from the school, and the staff were all investigated. I think they were trying to make an example out of us, and Twomey looked near a heart attack for the immediate months after the incident. 

Spencer then goes on to explain her camogie team's predicament and someone named Mr. Chambers who sounds like a complete asshole. 

By the time she finishes I'm ready to offer up by backyard, the way she's so convincing but Twomey still looks a little unsure. 

"The usual rate for a a game is one hundred and twenty euros, so if you can pay that everything should be alright."

"Okay, that's fine," she says, "I'll get you the money right away."

He nods, "and Miss Holland, if there is anything untoward that happens-"

Jesus he had no faith in her, I get what people even myself at times thought of her and her family, but they made no effort to conceal their distaste for her. 

I couldn't imagine that, to have people who didn't even know me just hate me, expect the worst out of me. 

"Don't worry, I won't even be there," she says. 

"Okay then," he says, and lets us out of his office and Spencer sighs from relief. 

"Thank you Kavanagh," she says.

"No problem," I say, "can I ask why you're not coming on Saturday?"

She shrugs, "part of my expulsion, they don't want to be connected with me at all."

"Your team?"

"No BCS."

"That seems kind of harsh," I comment. 

"They don't want happened to Tommen to happen to them, and there would be a lot more to expose at our school," she says. 

"Can't you come now, because it's on your school grounds?" I ask. 

"I don't want to risk anything," she says, starting to walk to the direction of her first class, "bye, um thanks again."

"See ya," I say, and watch as she walks away, her form growing smaller as she walks down the long hallway, until I can finally tear my eyes off of her. 

Fuck.

Chapter Text

Saturday, October 6th

Spencer:

Seeing an unknown number flash across my phone screen my stomach drops, knowing it's going to be one my uncle's many burner phones. I don't recognize this number though. 

I roll my eyes, still laying in bed, knowing if I don't pick it up he'll just keep calling, until he gets annoyed then he'll just show up at my work, or practically jump me on the street. 

Thankfully he hadn't come to our apartment yet, given that half the reason Charlie and Cole put up with him was because he promised to leave me out of the business entirely. I felt guilty for keeping this from them, but it would just end with Cole in prison, and I couldn't risk that. 

I hit accept on my screen and bring the device to my ear, expecting his scratchy voice but I'm surprised when I hear a much smoother one. 

"Spencer?"

"Kavanagh?" I ask in shock. 

"Hey," he says and I bring myself to sit up in my bed.

"How's you get my number?" I ask. 

"Eoin," he says, "cost me though," he laughs. 

I make a mental note to tell Eoin to stop giving out my personal information to his family, "and why did you go through all that trouble?"

"Oh... well I just wanted to tell you to come to Tommen for the game," he says sort of nervously. 

I was extremely grateful for his help with getting the field for the match but just a week ago he was accusing me of some conspiracy that I was running with Chris. His sudden change in mood didn't exactly match up, but I wasn't about to ruin this for my team. 

"Thanks, but I really don't want to start trouble-"

"No there's a spot where you can watch the game, um..." the sound cuts out for a second, "no one will see you."

"Okay... are you sure, I really can't risk my team getting-"

"I promise, it'll be fine," he says, and although I have a naturally untrusting disposition I strangely want to listen to him. 

"Okay," I say, "I'll be there."

"Good," he says, and I can't help wonder what he's getting out of this, "just meet me in the parking lot and I'll sneak you in."

"Yeah sure," I say, "thanks."

"No problem," he dismisses, hanging up, and I stand getting out of bed, starting to get ready, and I'm not able to deny the feeling of anticipation buzzing in my body of watching the match. 

I walk out of my bedroom to the main area about to go into the bathroom all three of us share, but my face falls when I see Charlie sitting at the kitchen counter, his intense green eyes hyper focused on the book he's reading, blue ball pen in his right hand and his left hand is running his fingernails down the side of his neck. 

By the redness of the marks, I can tell he's been at it for a while, and he'll start bleeding soon and he won't even notice it until a drop gets on one of his pages. 

Without a word I walk over to the cupboard, retrieving a muffin, one of the slightly stale ones Joan let's me bring home and place it in his hand, giving him something else to do with it, and he looks up at me then, trance broken. 

He looks down at the bakery, "thanks Spence."

We never really speak about it, but ever since the death of our parents, he would sometimes just go elsewhere in his mind. 

I thought it would stop after the first few months or maybe a year, but Charlie had six years of scars to prove that it hadn't gotten any better. 

I understood that I would never know what it had been like for him, to be in the car, to be in the backseat and watch as your parents die in front of you. 

I know he won't want to speak about it so I just start talking hoping it'll be enough to distract him until he feels better, "I think I'm going to be able to watch the girls' game today."

"Really?" He asks. 

"Yeah apparently there's like a secret place I can watch from," I say, pouring coffee into a mug, bringing it over to my brother. 

"That's good," he says, "just don't get caught."

"I won't," I say, "do you think Chambers will be there?"

He takes a sip of the coffee, "I hope not, that asshole shouldn't want to show his face at your game-"

"It's fine," I say, "it's not about me, it's about the team, I just don't want him to make things difficult."

His gaze softens, "it'll work out."

I smile, "do you know where Cole is?"

"Down the hall," he says, "I think Whitney might finally be over me," he smirks, "sure sounded like it at least."

"Ew," I say, although growing up with Cole has kind of desensitized to me to that kind of stuff. "So I can take his truck? No deliveries?"

"Nope," he thinks, "should be okay."

I turn to go into the bathroom but turn around once more, "you good?"

He stops biting into the muffin, "yeah, course."

I nod, knowing he doesn't want to talk about it, and go to get ready. 

Chapter Text

Saturday, October 6th

Rory:

I stand in the parking lot, waiting for Spencer to arrive, anxiously drumming my fingers on thighs, my heart beating a little faster as I see her park her brother's truck, and exit it walking over to me, a rare smile gracing her lips. 

I texted her after our call to wear her Tommen uniform so if she did get spotted by a teacher from BCS, she could lie and say she was doing something school related like debate team or another one of Tommen's many school clubs and organizations. 

Given that we were outside and no one would be dress coding her, she head forgone the black tights, and my eyes dragged on the sight of her tan toned legs, not able to stop myself. 

I had never had a serious girlfriend, but the few girls I had been with were nothing like her, and I think that's what made me so curious about her, and confused about my fascination with her. 

"Hey," she says, "thanks for calling me."

"Yeah of course," I say, not wanting to make a big deal about it. "I'll take you there."

She nods and I lead her to the door near the bleachers, unlocking it with the key I swiped from the athletics office and lead her up the stairs. 

"Where exactly are you taking me Kavanagh?" She asks, "I should warn you if I try to kill me, I have pepper spray."

I chuckle, "they used to have minor league professional games here, and they would have announcers," I say, "this is where they would sit, but they haven't used it in years, most people forget it's even here."

"And what? is this where you bring all your hook ups?" she asks, as we near the door and I open it, letting her in first. 

"No," I laugh, "you're the first one-" I stumble on my words, "not..I meant that you're the first person, we're not-" I'm fully flustered at this point, only made worse by her laughing at me. 

"Relax," she says looking at the old room, watching as I open the blinds in front of the window that looks down at the stadium and the massive field. "Tommen sure knows how to build a pitch."

"Yeah," I say, "I was super nervous when I played my first game."

She nods, looking at the girls who are already on the team warming up, smiling at the sight of them, and I can tell she misses being on her team. 

The same way I missed being apart of my team. 

I see Connor talking to them, probably flirting knowing him, and take a seat at the desk, pushing away the old microphone cords. 

"Is that your cousin?" She asks pointing to Asher who stands with Xander holding flags.

"Yeah, and uh Xander, Quinn and Eoin's little brother, he wanted to do it with him, so I won't actually be a linesmen."

"Probably for the best," she says, "the girls are already too distracted with all six and half feet of Connor."

I huff, "Connor's not that tall."

"What world are you living in?" She asks, dropping down in the seat beside me. 

"I'm basically the same height," I say. 

"That extra two inches though," she says tauntingly, letting the double meaning fall over us, "it makes a difference."

"Jesus," I say, watching as her team huddles, presumably having some type of pep talk, before moving to their positions, mirroring the other team. 

Connor blows the whistle signaling the start of the game, and the girls spring into action moving quickly, and taking immediate control of the game. 

Garrison, the hurling coach had told me about Spencer, how she started the team, and coached them bringing them to winning their championships last year and I couldn't help but be impressed. He also told me about their athletics head Mr. Chambers going after them and standing in their way at every turn. 

Spencer leans forward in her seat her eyes following the sliotar, it's a size smaller than the ones Connor uses but moves between the players just as fast. 

We watch the game and her team's dominating but it's still a competitive game, and when they call half time we sit in silence until I speak up.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask. 

She looks to me dragging her eyes away from the game, "sure."

"Why does Chambers hate you so much?"

She turns her head back and I think she might be laughing, but her voice is even and unaffected as usual, "he's my grandfather."

My head turns to her, snapping so fast it nearly gives me whiplash. 

"What?"

She still watches the game, "I guess he was, he disowned my Mam when she got pregnant with Charlie and married my father."

"Christ," I say.

"Yeah, he never even came to her funeral, he's kind of an asshole."

"God, please tell me Ms. Chambers, isn't your grandmother," I say referring to the miserable math teacher at Tommen. 

She laughs, "no, no, I think she's an aunt or something, I honestly have only ever known my grandmother."

"She didn't disown your Mam?" I ask. 

"No, um, she's actually my great grandmother, but my Mother was still in high school when she got pregnant so she's probably the same age as your grandparents."

"So her own Mam disowned her?"

She shakes her head, "no she died in childbirth, and so Chambers, um Edward," she says his first name, "raised her, and thought she was ruining her life with my Da, so he cut her off."

"That's fucking horrible," I say, feeling outraged for her family. 

"Yeah, he kind of blames us for her death, and he just... he really doesn't like any of us," she folds her fingers together her, "I think he's mad that he let her go."

"He's an asshole," I say. 

"We all grieve differently," she says. 

"Attacking your granddaughter's camogie team is not grieving differently," I say, "it's being psychotic," I say, earning a laugh from her. 

"I know, but I mean my Mam would have a completely different life is she had listened to him, everything he thought came true, she died, and her children are drug dealers," she says, standing up walking around picking up some of the equipment, checking it out, "don't get me wrong I hate him, but I understand where he's coming from."

I shake my head, "my daughter could marry the devil himself and I'd still love her," I say resolutely. 

She looks to me curiously, "really?"

"Parents have to love unconditionally," I say, standing up too,"or... I don't know," I trail off, "how can you do anything if you don't know you'll always have someone to be there for you?"

Her eyes glass over a little, "I think you're a little deeper than I give you credit for Rory," she says sitting down on top of the desk, her feet resting on the chair. 

I walk a little closer to her, my heart beating a little faster, "you called me Rory."

"So?" she asks, "that's your name."

"You've never used it before," I point out. 

She brings her bottom lip in between her teeth, her eyes looking up at me through her thick eyelashes. 

I knew Kieran loved the innocence of Evelyn, the sweet demeanour and feminine way she did things, and that was nice, and that’s honestly what I would have described as my type before meeting Spencer Holland.

She was unrelenting, harsh and unforgiving.

Athletic and strong, and certainly not a damsel in distress.

I had grown up hearing the fairytale story of how my father saved my mother, how Tadhg saved Leah, but Spencer didn’t need saving.

And if she did, she was doing it for herself.

Looking down at her she met my stare head on, she never wavered never got intimidated, even when I leaned in towering over her, standing in front of her seated frame, her head is just moving back keeping my eye contact.

I breathed hard, looking at her, those perfect greenish blue brown eyes, her hair, her skin, her scent, I was fucking enraptured.

“You scared Holland?” I whisper.

She shakes her head defiantly, “no,” she says her tone even but quieter than usual, “but I think you might be terrified.”

She's right, I am. 

Especially as my head lowers to hers, our faces centimetres apart, both of our breathing heavy, silenced only when I press my lips to hers. 

She's still for a moment before parting her lips and moving into me, her hands moving to grasp my shirt pulling me closer to her, and I move myself closer to her, pushing her further into the desk stopping when her back hits some of the chords and equipment.

I lean further not being able to get close enough it seems, and she parts her legs, allowing me to step in between them, my right hand running along her bare leg, dipping underneath the fabric of her now bunched up skirt. 

My mouth moves down to her jaw, and she groans, "Jesus, Rory."

I didn't realize how much I was missing out hearing the sound of my name on her lips, but I never wanted to go back to her not using my real name. 

I kiss her neck, probably leaving hickeys not even caring at this point, because I want to make her mine. I don't want her to be anyone else's, and I want Chris and every other guy at this school to know it. 

She doesn't seem to mind either, given by the sounds coming out of her mouth right now, and the way she roughly grips my hair. 

"You're killing me Spencer," I groan. 

I pull away for a brief second pushing her back further down, bumping into more of the chords and I'm too into it to notice, until I hear a sharp sound reverberated throughout the whole stadium. 

And I freeze.

The same sound that occurs when a microphone falls or something hits it. 

Spencer's eyes widen and turn to look at the crowd beneath us, looking to the booth, and speakers, laughing and whispering. 

The windows are tinted so they can't see in, but depending on how long the microphone been's on, we've said both of our names. 

It must of turned on when she moved back further onto the desk. 

She pushes off of me, pulling her skirt down, seething, "you asshole."

"What?" I turn around. 

There are unmistakable tears in her eyes, "fuck you," she grabs her bag and starts marching to the door, turning around once more, "you're all the same, Chris and all of those assholes, you pretend to be nice, but you're the worst fucking one."

"What are you talking about?" I demand. 

She shakes her head, biting the inside of her cheek, stopping the tears from falling, "this was too far," she says ripping the door open.

"What are you-" I turn back to the desk with the microphones, and realize she thinks I planned this. 

She thinks I planned to take her up here, kiss her and humiliate her in front of everyone. 

"Spencer, wait," I yell out running down the stairs after her, "I didn't know-"

She opens up the bottom door, "just leave me alone, you've done enough."

I follow her out, running directly into Mr. Chambers who's looking at her like she's fucking worthless, and I couldn't think of worse timing. 

"Just like your mother," he says, "spreading your legs for the first boy to look at you."

Her shoulders slump, and I can tell she just wants to get out of here. 

Garrison walks out then, I presume to investigate where those sounds were coming from, and sees the sight in front of him, sensing the tension. 

"It's been a great game Spencer," he tries to placate, "Meghan's killing it out there."

She nods about to agree but Chambers cuts her off, "he should be on the hurling team."

"That's it," she says and goes to literally charge him, I grab onto her, before she can reach him. 

"Not in a Tommen uniform," I remind her, and I think she might rip off her uniform to attack this man, but she just pushes off me. 

"Get away from me!" she says, turning and walking to her car. 

And I just watch, ignoring the two men fighting beside me. 

And I know I've fucked everything up. 

Chapter Text

Saturday, October 6th

Spencer:

I can't believe I let him kiss me. 

How could I be so stupid?

Of course he hadn't forgiven me for the Chris situation, but this was fucking low. It was cruel, and I didn't think he was capable of something like this. 

But I was the foolish one. The terrace girl who thought someone like Rory would actually like me. 

And to think I opened up to him about my family just minutes before. He was heartless and mean. 

I just wanted to scream. 

I hated Tommen and I hated that I wanted to be accepted there, that I thought I ever could be. 

I even proved it further when I tried to attack Mr. Chambers, and I would have done it, hit my own grandfather for saying that about my mother, saying that awful stuff about Meghan. 

I'm glad he isn't in my life, truly. 

My tears soak my pillow that I cry into it face down, trying to block out the rest of the world, probably the only thing stopping me from screaming. 

I hear a soft knock on my door and cringe, I didn't want to face anyone right now. 

"Spence," Charlie calls out, "your friends are here."

I didn't tell Charlie what happened but he saw my face when I ran into my room, slamming the door shut, and screaming into my pillow. He'd hear about probably within the day, news like that would travel fast. 

Especially with so many BCS families there, and now I'm reminded what a good day this was supposed to be. 

"We're coming in," Juliet calls and opens the door, Eve walking in behind her. 

"You okay?" Eve signs, and I want to just keep crying.

I hadn't cried in years, and less than two months at Tommen and I was a mess. 

"No," I say, my hands are tucked under my body, but I'm assuming she gets the sentiment. 

"It wasn't that bad," Jules says sitting down on my small bed. 

I turn around to face them, "everyone heard though."

Eve smirks, "I didn't."

And somehow despite the sadness that's seeped into my very bones I laugh at her joke. 

"How much did you hear?" I ask Juliet.

"first word I heard was 'terrified' but it was kind of muffled and then until a door slammed."

"Jesus," I groan, "I'm actually so stupid, he was just being so nice, and... I'm an idiot."

"No you're not," Eve reassures me, rubbing her hand on my shoulder, "it could have been an honest mistake."

I shake my head, "no it was all so planned, he even told me to wear a bloody skirt, that asshole calculated it."

"I've known Rory a long time," Eve says, "it seems kind out of character."

"I believe it," Juliet says, "all men are evil actually."

"I like her thinking," I say.

"We should start a cult with no men, and we're all like sister wives," she says and Eve looks at us like we're crazy. 

"Aw Eve," I tease, "you don't want to be my sister wife?"

"We need to take action," Juliet declares standing up and starting to pace my room, "first of all we pretend Rory, Quinn, and Kieran don't exist, ignore them completely."

"Do you think they were in on it too?" I ask.

"Well.." she says realizing they probably weren't, "still it's a matter of principle, they're friends with him."

I look to Eve, "you don't have to."

She shakes her head resolutely, "no, it's for you, of course, I barely interact with them anyways."

"Are you sure Jules?" I ask, "you and Quinn kind of seem like-"

She shakes her head, "you're way more important."

I hear the front door slam open then and my bedroom door opens quickly after, and I see my brother Cole looking a little murderous. 

Of course it took less than two hours before the whole block knew. 

"Where does he live?" He demands.

"Cole just leave it," I groan. 

"Fuck no," he says and looks over to Eve and signs, "do you know where he lives?"

She looks back to me, clearly knowing. 

"Cole it's fine-" It wasn't fine, but I didn't him going over there and beating Rory up? 

No the perfect revenge would be pretending it didn't affect me. Walking into Tommen, my head held high and showing him for once in his perfect, silver spoon fed life that he didn't matter. 

"That little asshole doesn't get to hurt my sister-"

"Wait who hurt Spencer?" Charlie asks now standing in the doorway.

"Oh my god," I groan, and then look down to see my phone vibrating with Rory's name flashing across the screen, clicking on his contact name and blocking the number. 

I look back to my brothers, "just leave it, I'll tell you if I need help."

Charlie nods pulling Cole with him, while he protests saying they were failing as older brothers if they didn't help.

Juliet turns to me and Eve then, and I assume she's going to say words of encouragement but of course, "how is everyone in your family so hot?"

Eve bursts out laughing, and I roll my eyes but now that the distractions are gone I think back to the issues at hand. 

"How do you think school's going to be?" I ask. 

Both of their gazes soften, "if anyone can handle it, it's you," Eve signs. 

I smile, but I hate that this is yet another thing I have to get through. 

Chapter Text

Johnny:

Does anyone know what happened at that camogie game at Tommen?

Patrick:

Why?

Johnny:

Because my sons aren't speaking to each other right now, and neither of them will tell me what happened.

Garrison:

Talk to Rory.

Johnny:

I've tried, he won't say anything.

Gibsie:

It must have been something bad because Eoin just told me to uninvite Rory from his birthday party next week. 

Ollie:

Did they get in a fight or something?

Garrison:

No, he's probably just disappointed in his brother.

Johnny:

What the hell happened?

Tadhg:

I'd get Rory's side of the story, before someone else's. 

Johnny:

You were there?

Tadhg:

I drove Asher and Xander, it was a good game.

Will:

With a half time show too.

Johnny:

What?

Garrison:

Not a joking matter. 

Gibsie:

Eoin just told me what happened, and I've got to say Kav, maybe you'll get it right with the next two.

Johnny added Eoin to the Group Chat

Eoin:

Woah I've entered enemy territory.

Gibsie:

Since when are we enemies. 

Eoin:

You don't see me adding you to my group chats.

Gibsie:

I didn't devil child.

Johnny:

Can you tell me what's wrong with Rory?

Eoin:

Maybe you dropped him as a child.

Johnny removed Eoin from the Group Chat.

Patrick:

Just talk to Rory.

Johnny:

I've tried.

Gibsie:

Send Little Shannon.

Johnny:

She's at work til late.

Gibsie:

Man up, and talk to him lad.

Johnny:

This was no help guys.

Gibsie:

Happy to help!

Hugh:

Anytime Cap.

Patrick:

Good luck.

Chapter Text

Monday, September 8th

Spencer:

I shrug into a seat in the library across from Fiona, over an hour before school starts. Because there's no rest for the wicked, and by wicked I mean my witch of a math teacher. 

"Hey," I say. 

"Hi," she replies, gathering the materials I needed. 

I expect her to ask me how I'm doing, or give some reaction to the recent trauma I've experienced, but once again nothing. 

She looks up at me, "are you okay?"

"Yeah," I say, "just a weird weekend."

"Was it good?"

"Was what good?" I snap. 

"Your weekend," she fills in. 

"Oh, no it wasn't," I look to her, "you didn't hear?"

"Hear what?" She asks. 

"Oh thank God, I thought like the whole school was going to know, this actually makes me feel a lot better," I say, and she looks at me confused. I had been avoiding social media just in case, not wanting to see anything about my little show at the camogie game. 

"If it's gossip, me not knowing isn't much to go by," she says, but I still take the win, and start on my work. 

And about fifty minutes later my retinas are assaulted when I see Rory walking to Fiona and I's table.

"Spencer can we-" he starts, but I don't want to hear it. 

"Come to gloat?" I ask. 

He runs his fingers through his unusually messy hair, and looks to me pleadingly, "can we talk in private?"

"No, sweet Fiona and I are busy," I say, she looks to me curiously clearly absorbing all the drama occurring right now, but staying out of it. 

"Please Holland," he implores, and I'm a little bit curious but I'm way too mad at him, and betrayed and annoyed at myself for giving him the power to betray me. 

"Whatever you want to say Fiona can hear too," I say, and she smirks a little in amusement but turns her face serious again. 

"Fine," he says looking over at her, but diverting his attention back to me, "I had no idea that the mic was on at any point on Saturday, and I never would have done something like that to you."

"I don't believe you," I say.

"Why not?"

"Because I think you're still angry about whatever you think was going on with Chris, and about the team, and you wanted to ruin camogie for me like rugby was ruined for you."

Fiona watches the two of us like she's following a tennis match. 

"I'm not that calculated," he says, "and this looks bad for me too."

"It's never as worse for the guy," I say, and he breathes out, maybe not having thought about it like that. 

"You made it sure it was," he says, "most of my family, even my brother won't talk to me."

I look at him confused, "I only talked to Eve and Jules, the rest of them have formed their own opinions."

"What?" He says, a little shocked. 

"The ones there heard it and probably just formed their own idea of what happened."

"And they just assumed I was the villain?" He asks. 

"If the shoe fits," Fiona mutters, and I feel like high fiving her.

"Just leave us alone," I say, turning my head back to my work hoping he gets the message. 

"I'm really sorry this happened Spencer, but you have to believe me it was an honest mistake, I would never do that to you," he says again but I'm already blocking it out, even though he does sound genuine, but he might be just trying to get back in the good graces of his family. He sighs, "just please know I wouldn't do that."

I ignore him once again and he gets the hint, finally leaving the library leaving me and Fiona alone again. 

"For what it's worth he seems sorry for whatever he did," Fiona says. 

"Yeah maybe," I say checking the time, "oh I should probably go." I had to swing by Chris's locker again and it was easier to do before the bell rang. 

"Okay, good luck on your quiz today," she says, and I think she's definitely warming up to me. 

"Thanks," I say, "and good luck on your Drivers test afterschool."

"You remembered?" she says surprised, "I mentioned that like two weeks ago."

"Of course," I say slipping my books back into my backpack, "friends remember stuff about each other's lives."

She looks a little taken back but nods, "yeah, thanks Spencer."

"Course," I say sliding my backpack onto my shoulders and smiling before leaving the library.

I walk through the hallways, my eyes catching on Maeve and her parents walking out of Mr. Twomey's office looking a little defeated. 

I look up and her eyes soften as she sees me. 

"Hey Maeve," I say, "everything okay?"

"Yeah," she says, "well not really, if I get one more dress code violation I get a three day suspension."

"What?" I ask, "what part of the uniform are you violating?"

She points to the uniform pants she's wearing, the ones the boys wear. She had been wearing them ever since the incident at the cafe. Which was a real shame because I knew how much she loved her skirts and dresses. 

All because of a couple asshole men that cute plaid dress would never be worn again. 

"Did you explain what happened?" I ask, her parents walking to join us then. 

Her mother, who I had met a couple times now speaks up, "we did, it's why she just got the warning today, but she doesn't have anymore warnings after that."

"It's bullshit," her father says. 

"Definitely," I say, "I'm really sorry about this Maeve."

"It's not your fault," she says, wrapping her arms around her chest. 

"No, you asked me to take that table, I should have been the one there," I say, because I had been thinking exactly that. But Rory had been distracting me, yet another reason to hate him. Well, that wasn't really his fault, but whatever I'm feeling spiteful. 

"Then it would have been you that..." she trails off. 

I would have rather that happened because it wouldn't be the first or last time people thought they could do what they wanted because I was a Terrace girl, or because of who my family was. 

Maeve smiles kind of sadly and starts walking away with her Dad, leaving her Mam Lizzie standing with me. 

"I just wanted to say thank you for everything," she says, putting her arm on my shoulder, exposing her forearm to me, where I can see a series of faded scars. It looks like they're from another lifetime but I can tell she's had a difficult time in life too. She understands. 

"Of course," I say, "I really like Maeve."

"And I'm really sorry about what happened on the weekend, I can't wrap my head around Rory doing that, but... whatever happened, you didn't deserve that."

"Thanks," I say, and the mommy issues are really shining through at this moment, because the way her hand feels on my shoulder, makes me miss my own mother more than I have in months. 

"I wanted to talk to you about the organization I work for," she says. "I work with charities and specifically youth who deal with familial loss, abuse survivors, kids who struggle with mental illness-"

"Oh I don't need charity," I say quickly. 

"No, no," she assures, "I meant I've seen how you've been with Maeve and all the kids, and I thought you'd be a great asset to the team."

"Really?"

"We've actually been talking about starting some sort of athletics initiative for at risk youth, and I actually already had your name before you even started at Tommen from Garrison," she hands me her business card, "just think about it, and give me a call if you'd be interested."

"Um," I look down at the charity, and I recognize it was the one who put on that big event last year, "thanks, I'll call you."

She smiles at me, "I look forward to it."

I walk down the hallway, and I feel much better than I have all weekend. 

Chapter Text

Monday, October 8th

Rory:

"Rorrrrryyyyy..." Quinn drawls slumping into his seat across from me at our cafeteria table. 

"What?" I ask, in a mood of my own. 

"I need you to apologize to Holland."

"Why?" I ask, not mentioning that I had already tried and failed miserably. 

"They've gone on strike," he says placing his head on the table surface. 

"Who's gone on what?" I ask, and Kieran sits down beside Quinn looking annoyed as well. 

"Juliet," Quinn says, "she's ignoring me because of what you did to Spencer."

"I didn't do anything-" I say for the millionth time. 

"Whatever lad, she thinks you did, and I'm miserable, she's my sun and without her like I'm a sunflower wilting."

 I think on the tiny goth girl sitting across the lunch hall but don't comment that she seemed more like a star or maybe a witch. 

"I've tried," I say, "Spencer doesn't want to hear it," I say and then add, "believe me if I could fix it I would, Connor won't talk to me, and your brother uninvited to his birthday, my life's a mess thanks to something I didn't do."

It was happening again. First the drugs and now this. 

I think the worst part of this whole ordeal for me was the fact that most people in my life instantly believed the worse. 

Even when the drug scandal happened, my family didn't doubt me for a second, but this? They formed this narrative without hearing my side of the story, and when I try to tell it they won't listen. 

I can't help but think back on the way that Spencer was so resigned when we were all in Twomey's office, and she was getting in trouble for something that Chris had done. 

I had never been treated like that, innocent until proven guilty always, accept in this I wasn't. 

It didn't help that I felt so fucking bad for Spencer. 

I could hear the names people were calling her, all the while guys were trying to high fiving me in the hallway, and wanted to celebrate my 'revenge'. 

"Try harder," Kieran grumbles. 

"What's wrong with you?" I ask, he had seemed fine when we left this morning, and he believed me right away when I told him what had actually happened. 

"He's upset because Eve's ignoring him," Quinn supplies. 

"Shut up," he groans, flicking the back of Quinn's head. 

"Do you two talk usually?" I ask, because to my knowledge it was still the once a month interaction reset thing going on. 

Quinn chuckles, "every morning Kier goes into her English class to say hi to Nathaniel-"

"You hate Nathaniel," I point out to Kieran who just rolls his eyes. 

"And Eve always smiles and signs hello to him," he says wistfully, and she didn't do it today, and he's in a mood because of it. 

"I am not in a mood, and that's all false," he says, although judging by his current annoyance with me, it was probably the truth. 

"So if Juliet's your sun as you say, why aren't you dating?" I ask. 

He pulls out a sandwich from his bag, "she loves me but she's not quite ready."

"She told you that?" Kieran asks. 

"No, but I can tell," he says, "besides, good things come to those who wait."

"You're pathetic lad," Kieran says, but we don't even have to point out the decade long crush him and Evelyn have had on each other, because he knows. 

"Well nothing will happen if I can't somehow convince her that I really didn't plan the whole mic thing," I say. 

"So what are you saying," Quinn says suggestively, "you want something more to happen with Spencer?"

"What?"

"Well you were caught kissing her," he points out. 

"I believe the words 'you're killing me Spencer' were said," Kieran smirks. 

"Well I blew it," I say, "and it wasn't even my fault, but I still ruined it."

"Ruined what?" someone asks and I look over to see Chris walking up to our table.

"Nothing," I mutter. 

"Whatever," he says, "I just wanted to say I didn't think you had it in you."

"Huh?"

"That thing with Holland, it was honestly genius, show the school what a slut she is, you sure know to serve revenge," he says, "it was long game with you, huh?"

"No," I say, honestly grossed out I was getting Chris's approval right now, "it was an accident."

"Sure, Kav," he says smirking. 

"Get lost," Kieran snaps.

"Easy, brother," Chris says, "I'm leaving, going to see the girls," and he walks away looking like he just won that interaction. 

The girls? What did he mean by that?

But I look over and sure enough he's taken a seat beside Spencer and for some reason she isn't pushing him away, granted she looks pissed but I've seen her kick a whole group of grown men out of the cafe where she works, so it's not that she can't. 

"Ew," Quinn comments, "so she'll talk to Chris but not to me," he says referring to Juliet, although it looks like she's insulting him in some type of way, and I see him pull a piece of Eve's hair to get her attention, like the asshole that he is. 

I don't have to look to know Kieran is seething, "fucking fix this Rory," he says pushing back in his chair. 

I look down to my uneaten lunch. 

I know I need to, I want to, but I don't have the first clue how.

Chapter Text

Friday, October 12th

Spencer:

It turns out the fact that Fiona wasn't aware of the accidental sex scandal, without ever actually having sex did not mean that other people weren't aware.

In fact, they were very aware, and this week had been fucking hard. It was easier when I was getting bullied for something I knew I hadn't done, but them calling me a slut and every available synonym for the word was more difficult to handle. 

I wanted to be strong but it was getting harder and harder, and it hurt even worse the way they were praising Rory. He didn't seem happy about it though, but still the hypocrisy at Tommen was really shining through. 

Thankfully I hadn't gotten in any actual trouble. Now that would have sent me over the edge. 

"You okay Spence?" Charlie asks me, as I come out of my room, my Tommen uniform on and the fabric is feeling like my own personal cage. 

"Oh yeah," I say, pouring myself a cup of coffee, "it's really great," I say sarcastically, "living the dream on the rich side of town."

"Spencer-"

"It's like a cinderella story," I muse feeling the exhaustion in my very bones, not physical tiredness like I used to feel from camogie, but mental exhaustion. Like each verbal jab or paper ball thrown at me was slicing the layers of myself. 

"Maybe I could talk to your principal," he suggests.

"And say what? Nothing would happen anyway," I say, "it might just make it worse."

"If it gets really bad you can-"

"I'm not dropping out Charlie," I say, "they won't win."

His face falls a little, "Spencer Holland, fuelled by coffee and spite."

I laugh, "and those little cracker things Joan buys for me."

"Have a good day," he says as I walk to the door. 

"Yeah thanks," I say walking out.

A sense of dread falls over me at the prospect of another day of school but I continue my course to the bus, given that Cole's still not back with his truck, and I'm snapped right out of it, when my uncle Shane pops out of bloody nowhere. 

I catch my breath, "are you stalking me or something?"

"No, I'm more of an opportunist," he says. 

"An opportunist, a dealer, a lowlife, a pimp, a drug addict, a-"

"You done with this little show?"

"-a shit uncle," I finish and he glares at me, "done now."

"You're a brat, just like your mother," he says digging for something in his pocket. 

I know he's insulting me but I love it when someone tells me I remind them of her, even if it's a negative quality. We didn't look all that alike, so I didn't get told it often. 

"What do you want?" I snap. 

"You've got another delivery, same place," he says, and I roll my eyes but take the small discreet bag, and am seriously alarmed when a strong hand pulls my arm back, but I just look back to see Charlie holding my lunch bag. I guess I forgot it and he was trying to catch me. 

My eyes widen. Shit, Charlie. 

 "What the fuck are you giving her?" he demands. 

Shane chuckles, "Spence? You didn't tell your brother you joined the family business."

"Spencer?" Charlie looks to me.

"It's fine Charlie, I'm handling it," I say.

He looks back to Shane, "the deal was I work for you, and you leave her the fuck out of it."

"What other skills do you have?" he asks, "you need me Char."

"No you need me, you don't have the brain cells to run anything," he says and then looks back to me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"He said he was going to stop paying for school and..."

"You asshole," he practically yells at Shane, "he doesn't pay for your school."

I turn to my uncle, "what the hell?"

"Look, it's like two deliveries a week to a school locker, it's hardly going to kill her," Shane snaps. 

"Until you get greedy, and then the customers start piling up and then she gets caught and thrown out of another school," Charlie seethes and I don't think I've ever seen him this mad. "Leave Shane," and he grabs the bag out of my hand throwing it back to him, "stay the fuck away from her."

Shane puts his hands up in mock surrender and walks away looking annoyed but like he really didn't want to piss off my brother that much. 

I wasn't told anything about the business, but I knew Charlie more or less ran it at this point, and it irked me to no end that his intelligence was being used in this way. When he should be writing novels or giving university lectures. 

I turn to face him, "I'm so sorry-"

"This only works if you talk to me to Spencer," he runs his hands through his hair, "why the hell didn't you come to me?"

I swallow, trying to stop my tears from falling, "I didn't want to give you another problem-"

 I didn't want to be a burden. 

"Just-" he says, "just go to school, it'll be fine, we can talk later," he says passing me my lunch, and I can tell he's angry but he doesn't want to yell at me. He's never yelled at me before, I don't think he knows how.

"I'm really sorry Charlie," I say, "I know you want more for me, but I just, I can't escape it, I feel like I'm drowning in this," I say and trying to will the tears that are falling from my eyes back, but they've already been spilled. 

He bites the inside of his cheek and wraps me in a hug, "it's not your fault."

We hug until I stop crying and I have to run to catch the bus, and I know my face is probably red and swollen but I don't care. 

How could I be so stupid to believe Shane?

And a better question, who was paying for my school?

I felt so defeated and like a shell of the person I used to be. I used to be strong and funny and caring and now I'm like a zombie. 

Who's constantly crying and feeling sick to my stomach out of shame. 

If I wasn't a virgin, I would think I might be pregnant. 

Another thing, I was a virgin with a fucking sex tape. It was audio but still. My life sucked. 

I walk through the halls of Tommen feeling utterly defeated, like I just want to disappear, and reality really settles in when I feel something small hit me. It's a scrunched up paper ball, I bend down pick it up, unraveling the note, not bothering to even look to who sent it. 

Leave Tommen, we don't need a whore here.

I bite the inside of my cheek and walk over to the trash bin depositing the crumpled paper, and continue walking, and feel an influx of the paper balls thrown at me, some unraveling as they plummet to the ground, and all sorts of words decorate them. 

I don't even look at who's doing it, I don't care. 

I think it's just a smallish group, but they've got some serious ammo, and I assume they're waiting for me to run or say something, but I just walk, the throws continuing and I just can't bring myself to care about another thing. I can feel the tears rising and I can't stop them. 

"Hey, what the fuck?" I hear, and then a loud slam to a locker along with a couple other alarming sounds, and I glance over to see Rory's got Chris McGarry pinned against a locker, with blood running down his nose. 

I stand speechless, just watching as Rory rears his right arm back and delivers a blow to his face, and he can barely fight it. 

I just want to get out of here, and I turn to keep walking but I hear someone run after me. 

"Holland..." Rory says, completely forgetting about Chris who's groaning on the floor "are you okay?"

Obviously I'm not okay. 

I try to keep walking, feeling like I'm walking through molasses to get to bloody music class, but Rory pulls me into a classroom that's currently empty and pulls me against him. 

I try to fight him off, pushing his chest away from me in weak attempts, and my crying continues, "let me go,"and I can't stop the full body sobs that rack through me, until I let him move my arms to my side and rest my head on his chest, letting his arms envelope me, "I can't, I can't..."

He rocks me from side to side, and I don't even know what's happening to me. 

"It's okay," he reassures me, "just cry, I've got you."

I sob harder, and I can't even fathom how embarrassing this is for me. I can't even fathom why he's helping me. 

Chapter Text

Friday, October 12th

Rory:

I hear laughing, as I walk down the hallway with Will. We had ran into each other, and I wanted to take the time to explain to him what really happened at the camogie game, because I knew Garrison and Spencer had been close and he was there that day. 

I also wanted him to put in a good word for me with the rest of the family, because an alarming amount of them currently believed the worst about me. 

"What was that?" I ask, hearing a sort of shrill sound.

"I think it was a laugh, I love teaching but some of you kids are little demons," he complains. 

I don't comment on that, but I do hear more of the obnoxious laughing, at first I think maybe a fight has broken out, causing Will and I to ran towards the sound, but to my utter horror about six guys, Chris and his friends were throwing things at Spencer. 

It just looked like paper balls, so this was not meant to harm, just humiliate. 

I wanted to kill him. 

I had honestly hated him since I could remember. Kieran introduced him as his brother to us, and he was bloody evil. 

I think maybe he was jealous that Kieran had friends, or that he didn't have to live with their horrible mother, but whatever the reason, he had been a problem. 

Will picks up one of the scrunched up paper balls, unraveling it, and my stomach turns. 

Die slut, is written in red letters. 

"Hey what the fuck?" I call out to Chris, but he's not paying any attention. 

I look to see Spencer's face, tears in her eyes, and a sort of numb look across her features, like she's not really here right now. 

I think Will is calling Mr. Twomey, but I take matters into my own hands and walk over to where Chris is standing with some of his friends, a couple on the rugby team, and some others I don't know too well. 

"What's up Ror-" he starts, but my fist connected with his nose, cuts his train of thought off. I push him into the locker, and thankfully no one tries to get in my way, as I hit him again and again, shoving him further into the locker. 

I turn to Spencer and see she's walking away and I know she's not okay, so I run after her. 

I know I'm the last person she wants to see, but I'm here, and she can go back to hating me after she stops crying. 

I pull her into a classroom that I know is empty at this time of day, and she starts weakly fighting me, I don't think she even knows what's going on but when I try to hug her because it's all I can think of to do, she stays close not trying to move away, but scratches at me, muttering incoherent things about how she can't and about her brother and her uncle and Chris and something about being a vrigin with a sex tape, and she is just coming completely undone in my arms. 

She's stopped fighting and presses her face into my chest, letting her arms fall to her side, I wrap my arms around her, it doesn't stop the sobs but she doesn't seem like she's panicking anymore. 

"It's okay," I reassure her, "just cry, I've got you."

She presses her body weight into me, and I just hold her up, not knowing what to do. 

The concept of Spencer and broken don't exist in the same universe, but here she was in my arms breaking. 

The bell rings but neither of us move, she sways a little in my arms, and after about twenty minutes her cries finally coming to a stop, but she doesn't untangle herself from me. 

She whimpers a little, and my heart breaks for her.

"Do you need anything?" I ask. 

"A new life," she mutters. 

I move my hand up to run through the strands of her hair. 

"I still hate you by the way," she whispers shivering from my fingers against her scalp.

"I figured," I say. "I think I have water in my bag."

She nods, and whispers, "please."

I untangle from her regrettably, because I had been too distracted by her tears to realize the way her body felt against mine, the way we fit together perfectly. And pull out a chair for her to sit on. 

I grab my water bottle from my backpack, unscrewing it for her before I pass it to her. She takes a long sip, the look of detachment receding from her eyes. 

I pull out my own chair and put it line with where she's sitting so we're facing each other. 

"Thanks Kavanagh," she says handing me the bottle, "I'm sorry for all that."

"Chris is just-"

"It wasn't Chris-"

"Don't make excuses for him," I say without thinking, but it's the truth there should be no reason she's protecting him. 

"No, I just was upset about something that happened at home," she says, "thus the breakdown."

"Did it have to do with your uncle?" I ask.

"Why would you think that?" she asks suspiciously. 

"I just... you were kind of saying a bunch of things and he came up," I say. 

"Anything else?" she asks a little nervous. 

"Something about your brother being disappointed in you, and you just kept repeating 'I can't' over and over." I don't mention the virgin thing, because I don't want to embarrass her. 

"Oh," she says, "I don't really know what I meant by that."

I watch her for a minute and then speak up hoping it goes a little better this time, "I just wanted to say Spencer, whether you believe me or not, I didn't plan the mic thing, I didn't even know they were still functional, and I would never do something to hurt you like that."

She looks to me, "I don't know how to tell if you're lying."

I think on those lie detector tests and think of how they measure the person's heart rate. 

I drop to my knees in front of her, grabbing her hand and placing it over my heart, underneath the fabric of my practice rugby jersey and feel as her long slender fingers rest on my chest, feeling my heart. 

She seems a little apprehensive but she doesn't take her hand away, she just looks at me, at this angle taller than me, and I'm at her mercy. 

"Ask me," I prompt. 

She swallows, "um, did you plan... did you plan what happened at the camogie game?"

"No," I say resolutely, and I don't really know what she would be looking for and I can basically guarantee my heart rate is currently erratic considering the fact that she's touching me but she seems pleased with the answer. 

"Would you purposefully hurt me?" she asks, raking her fingernails lightly over my skin. 

"No."

She lowers her head a little, closer to mine, teasingly, her voice taking on a more seductive tone, "do you like it when I call you Rory?"

I nod, "yes."

I think she might lean into kiss me, but she just stands up slowly pulling her hand off of me, and she's looking down at me on my knees in front of her. 

She bites her bottom lip, before stepping away from me, grabbing her backpack from the floor and exiting the classroom without another word. 

I move from my knees to sit down on the floor, replaying the interaction in my head. 

This girl was seriously driving me crazy, but I don't think I wanted to be cured. 

Chapter Text

Johnny:

Rory got into a fight at school.

Hugh:

Did you mean to say Connor?

Johnny:

Rory, he put McGarry's oldest in the hospital.

Patrick:

Jesus, what did he do to him?

Johnny:

Concussion, and a broken nose.

Joey:

Did he deserve it?

Will:

Fuck yes, never wanted to hit a student more.

Tadhg:

Educator of the year here.

Will:

I've never hit a kid before.

Ollie:

It's not great that you have to clarify that. 

Johnny:

It's just out of character for Rory. 

Gibsie:

Sounds like something his dad would do.

Garrison:

Sounds like something Tadhg would do.

Ollie:

Tadhg has done that. 

Johnny:

Doesn't matter that I would have done it, Rory doesn't send kids to the hospital.

Will:

If Chris did that to Caoimhe you'd probably be in jail.

Johnny:

What did he do?

Gibsie:

Given that he's Ronan's spawn it's not hard to imagine, kid was a menace. 

Hugh:

Yeah, I remember you chasing him down to fight him. 

Johnny:

Well my kid should be smarter than me. 

Gibsie:

So you regret it?

Johnny:

Fuck no, kid deserved it. 

Will:

Well this kid deserved it. 

Joey:

Don't worry about it Kav, sometimes a kid needs to get hit. 

Gibsie:

Wow Joe actually contributing advice to the groupchat, I'm shocked.

Johnny:

It's not just Chris, he's been fighting with his brother, getting in trouble at school.

Gibsie:

Can't be too bad, Eoin said he could come to his birthday. 

Chapter Text

Saturday, October 13th

Rory:

"Okay, okay, so let me get this straight," Eoin says, looking up from the napkin he was doodling on, "you hated her for like a month, blamed her for ruining your life, insulted her, and then kissed her?"

I pick up my drink, peeling the label off the bottle, "it's not that simple."

"What'd you do to make her forgive you?" he asks. 

"Did she say she forgives me?" I ask. 

"I don't know, but she told me to invite you to the party," he says. The party we were currently at celebrating Eoin's birthday. "I get that the camogie thing was a mistake, but you guys still hated each other before that."

He had a point, I was so angry at her, a everything but I just... now that I know her, know the type of person she is, I can't bring myself to hate her. I thought maybe it was just attraction, but I think it's more. 

I know a lot of people grow up without their parents being in love, skewing their view of what love is but not me. My parents have been together for over two decades and they're still fucking crazy about each other. Like getting nervous before dates and prioritizing each other, even when my dad was still playing professionally. Which has been great, but it's also set my expectations all the way in the sky. 

Any girl I've been with or liked, in the back of my mind I know it's not the real thing like my parents or my aunts and uncles, and it's made me avoidant and hesitant, but with her all those constraints feel nonexistent despite the fact that we're from different worlds, and our history. 

"I don't know Eoin," I say, "it's complicated."

"Speaking of," he says looking towards the front door, where Xander opens the door for Evelyn, Juliet, and Spencer. 

I turn to Eoin, "you invited them?"

He nods, "Spencer's my friend."

"What about the others?" I ask. 

"Figured I'd be nice to Quinn, and Kieran still kind of scares me, so I thought this would help," he says. 

The party wasn't just family, Eoin's other friends came as well. He was always the most socialble of their weird little group, but knowing them they'd all be in a corner within no time ignoring everyone else. 

I guess I shouldn't be that shocked, considering they work together, but I hadn't really been prepared to see her after the events of yesterday.

Evelyn was wearing her usual black attire that I had seen, a skirt with some type of fitted blouse and an ungodly amount of jewelry. Evelyn was wearing a light pink dress with little white flowers. And Spencer was wearing jeans with a dark green top, the fabric riding up slightly revealing her stomach, and I look back to Eoin who's smirking back at me, knowing I've been staring. 

"You're down bad," he laughs. 

"Who's down what?" Gibsie asks.                                                                                                         

"Nothing," Eoin says returning to his drawing. 

"What?" he asks, "I don't get to know about my son and god-son's lives?"

"It'll take too long explaining to you how things work after the invention of phones and electricity, cars-" Eoin teases. 

"Alright, alright, you're a real comedian," he says, clapping him on the back.

The girls come over to our table at that point, and I think for a minute, that Spencer's coming towards me but it's just to understandably say happy birthday Eoin, each of them dropping off gifts. 

"Oh thanks guys, you didn't have to bring anything though," Eoin says. 

Gibsie smiles at them, "I've heard a lot about you three," he says.

"Good things I hope," Spencer says jokingly, knowing our family's introduction to her. 

"Open them," Juliet prompts, getting herself out of talking to Gibsie. Probably a good idea considering his son has been going around calling her his sun. 

Eoin smirks, and starts with Spencer's, ripping open the green gift bag, and pulling out an apron of some sort, one of those short ones that servers wrap around their waists. 

He looks up at her confused, "did you gift me my work uniform?"

Spencer laughs, "no, it's canvas, I thought you could paint on it, and wear it for work."

Eoin's eyes light up, "that's actually really fucking cool," he says standing up to hug her, "thank you."

"Yeah, Jone said if it looks good, she'll commission you to do all of them," she says returning his hug. 

"So does this mean I'm the number one employee?" he asks, sitting back down. 

"No, you broke three glasses last week," she says, "you're just the most creative employee."

He still smiles and opens up Juliet and Evelyn's gifts.

And to my surprise, Spencer walks over to me, my skin lighting on fire a little as she grabs the fabric of my sweater and gestures to talk to me, I get up following her to the hallway. 

"Hey," I say, feeling a little awkward that the last time we spoke I was on my knees in front of her. 

I think judging by the look in her eyes she's remembering it too. 

She clears her throat, "I just.. I just wanted to thank you for Friday, I... I was a complete mess and I don't know what I would've done without you there."

"Yeah, of course," I say. 

"And... I'm sorry for assuming you were behind the whole microphone-camogie incident, I... I thought about it, and it didn't really seem like something you would do, so... I'm really sorry for assuming the worst, and I'm sorry for accidentally turning your family against you," she says, "it wasn't my intention."

"It's okay, Spencer," I say, "you really don't need to apologize, I've been an asshole to you since school started, I deserved it."

"Yeah you were," she says, "I guess I'm sorry about what happened in the Spring, but I want you to believe me when I say," she looks around and grabs my hand placing my hand on her shirt over her heart, and I basically can't breathe. She's doing what I did yesterday, but it's definitely different, and I feel like one of my million family members is going to pop out of nowhere, "I never had anything to do with you getting caught, and all that stuff with the banquet and Chris was a different thing, a personal thing, no Kavanagh-conspiracy," she says, "do you believe me?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah," I say, feeling a little flustered, I pull my hand away from her. 

"Are we even then?" she asks. 

"I would like that," I say honestly and look up at her again. 

She smiles, "good then," and walks away rejoining her friends. 

Chapter Text

Saturday, October 13th

Spencer:

"That is like way too much blonde," Juliet says as we examine the pictures displayed at the Gibsons' house. The one we're currently looking at is all six of them on the beach. 

"If you marry Quinn, you'll have to dye it," Evelyn jokes. 

Juliet groans, "over my dead body."

I look at more, shamelessly trying to find ones with Rory in them, "oh no, there's more," I say, pointing to Quinn's family all standing with Maeve's family, ten of them standing there, looking all shiny and perfect. 

"Did you mean marrying him or changing your hair?" Eve asks. 

Juliet glares at her.

I gasp, "don't glare at Evie."

"Let's go get food, I'm starving," she says pulling both Eve and I's hands, not answering the question. 

I fill my plate and walk outside to the porch and sit down on a bench against the wall, Eve and Jules on either side of me, most of the other guests out here too. 

Quinn walks out then, sitting beside Juliet, Kieran walking out behind him, "does this mean you're talking to me again?" Quinn asks. 

"Hmm," she considers, "we'll see."

Eve moves closer to me and gestures to the seat beside her, signalling to an awkward looking Kieran who's just standing near us to sit next to her. 

He looks wary but takes the seat, his hands folding over each other. Funny how the 6'4"guy who genuinely scared me the first time I saw him, folded so quickly for my sweet friend Eve. 

"Hey Spencer," I look over seeing Garrison, or Mr. Miller as I used to know him at BCS. 

"Hey," I say, "sorry about last week."

The whole almost charging his colleague was probably kind of awkward. 

He shrugs, "not your fault," and then adds, "Will mentioned you were having kind of a hard time at Tommen."

"It'll pass," I say.

"That's the spirit," he says, "we can catch up later," he adds walking back into the house. 

I nod, and let myself watch the other guests, most third years who I don't really know, one of whom I see trying to talk to Caoimhe, presumably flirting.

I can see her side profile standing to talk to a red head lad, and she must nervous because her hands are shaking and fidgeting like crazy. That is until the lad sitting behind her, almost as tall as her even though he's sitting and she's standing, grabs a hold of hands, holding them behind her back, the grip is loose so not restraining, and she instantly relaxes. 

"Damn that was kinda hot," Juliet whispers to me, "how old is Ryder again?"

"Third year," I say, watching, and there is something about how she's talking to another guy, while the one who clearly has a crush on her's hands are acting as handcuffs. 

"That's what you're into?' Quinn asks, "I can do that," he smirks and Jules rolls her eyes. 

"No, definitely not, I was just commenting-" her voice is cut off by Rory, who must have seen the scene with his little sister and wasn't too happy with it, and takes action by literally dragging Ryder Feely's chair away, but definitely didn't plan for him to pull Caoimhe with him, bringing her down to his lap, along for the ride, plucking her right from the conversation with the other lad. 

We all laugh, especially how Rory gets mad at Ryder and he just smiles back unaffected, Caoimhe still very much on his lap. 

"Those two are going to be trouble," Quinn comments, and we all nod. I had seen them countless times in the cafe now, and if just their conversations were as intense as they were, I couldn't imagine an actual relationship. 

Another hour or so passes by, the sun setting and I've got both Eve and Juliet's head resting against my shoulders, and I think I'm about to fall asleep too, when one of the younger girls comes up to me. 

"Hi, I'm Annie," she grins and I remember that she must be Ollie and Emily's daughter. 

"Hi I'm Spencer," I say, "I like your dress," I add and then grab her small hand and twirl her around, careful not to move too much as to wake my friends. 

"Could you come to the trampoline with me?" she asks. 

"Um, sure, I guess," I say, and move Juliet to rest her head on Quinn who immediately takes a picture of the rare occurrence, and I have to say she looks a lot younger when she sleeps, void of her signature scowl. I then move Eve over to Kieran's shoulder who looks like I've just given him a live grenade. 

"I shouldn't-" he starts. 

"Eve won't mind," I say, and I swear he doesn't move an inch, I assume to not wake her up, his shoulders tense, jaw clenched, but his eyes are unmistakably looking at her lovingly. 

Annie Lynch grabs my hand and pulls me towards the grassy part of the yard and brings me to the trampoline, where I find Rory playing some type of game with the two other little girls, all of them giggling when they see me. 

"Come up here," Charlotte Gibson requests and the second I oblige the three little girls run away, closing the zipper of the netting surrounding the trampoline. 

"Rory," I gasp in mock concern, "they've locked us in."

He laughs, "looks like we'll be here all night." 

I sit down, crossing my legs, and he does the same. 

"I don't think I've been on one of these since...since, I can't even remember really young," I muse, trying to make conversation. 

He smiles, and then asks, "how have you been?"

"Fine," I say. "You?"

"Yeah, I guess," he says. 

I lean back, laying down on the stretchy surface, and he lays down beside me, both of us looking up at the stars. 

"Did you have fun at the party?" he asks. 

"Yeah, I did," I say truthfully. 

"Do you..." he turns to me, holding up his head with his hand "do you regret kissing me?"

I turn to him too, the only thing illuminating his face, the pale moonlight, "um..."

"If the microphone thing didn't happen, would you still regret it?"

I think on it, not quite sure, I mean I always regret showing any of my emotions on the outside, but I'm not quite sure what I would feel. 

"I guess we'll never know," I say. 

"It kind of sucks that are first kiss was tainted," he says.

"First?" I say, "you make it sound like we're going to do it again."

"Aren't we?" he asks, his arrogance growing by the second. 

"We'll see."

"I think you should at least have a do-over," he says, "to replace the memory of our first one."

I can't help but nod, moving closer to him, our lips brushing like it's the most natural thing. As natural as the stars in the sky above us. 

My hand sinks into his hair and his grabs the small of my back, moving me closer to him. The kiss is slower than last week, less lustful. 

My hands start moving down, softly dragging my fingernails down his neck, only stopping when we hear a chorus of giggles belonging to Charlotte, Annie, and Evan, the three little girls in Rory's family. 

I pull apart from him both of us smiling and laughing ourselves. 

He moves closer to me, speaking against my ear, his warm breath making me feel all types of ways, "I guess this mean we'll need another do over, Holland."

"Yeah," I agree, "just to be fair."

Chapter Text

Monday, October 15th

Spencer:

"So are you two dating?" Jules asks me, standing beside my locker as I get the books I need for the day out. 

"No," I answer. 

"But you kissed," she points out, "twice," I smirk. "Three times?"

"Maybe," I say zipping up my backpack, and closing my locker. "But still we can't date, it's too... there's just too much going on."

"What's going on?" I hear and see Rory's walked right up to me. I turn around, pressing my back into my closed locker. 

"Nothing," I say, looking up at him. 

"Are you lying Holland?" he asks, moving a little closer to me. 

"How was the rest of your weekend?" I ask, trying to deflect and thankfully it works. 

"Good, I had my first day back at the academy on Sunday," he says. 

"Your suspension's over?"

"Well I'm on probation now, I have to do weekly drug tests for a while, but besides that everything's good," he says. 

His hand trails up my arm and even through the fabric of my dress shirt and blazer, it lights my skin on fire. 

"What about you?" he asks. 

"Good, I just worked," I say, his head moves forward to mine, but I'm reminded of my conversation with Juliet who looks to be talking with Quinn now so I didn't feel too bad for blowing her off to talk to Rory. He moves a little closer and I stiffen, "bye Rory."

He smiles, and moves a piece of my hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear, "bye Spencer." And then he walks away, Quinn joining him along with Juliet and I just lean my head back on the cool metal of the lockers, closing my eyes. 

I know I've already kissed him, but that was on a trampoline, it quite literally had a safety net built in. Kissing in school felt like a whole different thing, like a next step or something. 

"Rory, huh?" I hear and open my eyes to see Chris standing beside me, his face still messed up from Rory fighting him. 

"What'd I say about that bell," I grumble. 

"I mean I knew he liked you but I didn't think you'd be so stupid to actually get with him," he says condescendingly, and I notice that the hallway's now empty and I find that I really wish I had the safety of other people being around right now. 

"I'm not with him," I say. 

"Good," he says like I just agreed to something, "because I want you to be with me."

I laugh.

"Laugh now, but you won't be laughing when the only time you get to see your brother is at court sanctioned visits between glass."

"So what do you want Chris?" I ask, "you want to force me to date you?"

"Sure," he says. 

"Look, I get that you're on like a quest for revenge, and I respect your drive," I say, "but this is too much, maybe do a little soul searching and just give it a rest."

He smiles maliciously, "I could just do this though."

"This will make everyone hate you Chris, including your brother."

"Who? Kieran," he asks incredulously, his anger and rage simmering,"he doesn't care about me."

"Have you even tried-"

"He only cares about Rory and Quinn and his fake family," he says, growing angrier. 

"So is that what this is about?" I ask, "you're upset that Kieran isn't in your life, maybe just try talking to him, and explain yourself-" he slaps me right across the face, and I rear back. "What the fuck you psycho," I bring my hand to hold the side of my face now stinging, he hit me hard. 

"Just shut up," he says, "don't fucking try to psychoanalyze or something, just do as your told and I won't put your brother in jail," he snaps, moving closer to me and I can't help but move back, cowering. 

I knew he was fucked up, I mean he had been pinching my arm the whole night at the banquet when he wanted me to do something, but I didn't think that he'd actually hit me. 

"Leave me alone Chris," I say walking backwards, "just drop this, and I won't tell anyone you just assaulted me."

He scoffs, "who are they going to believe?"

I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying, "please."

"Come to my table at lunch," he demands walking away, which I take as my cue to run all the way to the girls' washroom and like I did the last time I spent time with Chris I hid in a bathroom stall and I cried. 

How did everything get like this?

Why couldn't I just have a day of normalcy?

I couldn't even go to my brothers, because if they knew what was happening to me, Cole would confess immediately or get thrown in jail for beating up Chris. 

I wiped up some of my tears, and walked to the sink, splashing water on my face, observing the now glowing red mark on the side of my face, actively fighting not to cry again. 

This wasn't me, I wasn't the girl to get hurt. I fought back, I was tough. But I felt like I was losing my voice here, at least with Chris. 

The door swings open, and I'm dreading seeing anyone but by the grace of God himself it's Fiona. Although now she might have some questions that I really didn't want to answer. 

"Oh hi, Spencer," she says, "are you... are you okay?"

I nod, but some tears slip by, and my hand falls from my face. 

"What happened?" she asks, and when I don't respond she just walks over grabs some paper towel, and runs it under cold water, and brings it to my face

"I don't really want to talk about it," I say, letting the tears flow, so much so, that she has to replace the paper towel. 

"Was it Chris?" she asks, somehow guessing correctly, and I guess she had seen him in the library that day. "You should go to the principal-"

"Uh, I'm handling it," I say, "don't worry."

"Okay, just please...please talk to someone," she says, imploring me. 

But I can't talk to anyone. My friends, my brothers, Rory. I can't tell any of them. 

I nod, "of course."

Chapter Text

Monday, October 15th

Rory:

"Hey, hey," Quinn runs from the cafeteria catching me before I can enter myself, "can you just not, um... can you just not freak out?"

I laugh, "freak out over what?"

"Just keep a cool head lad," he says, placing a hand on my shoulder. 

"Okay, you're freaking me out right now," I say, "what is it? Did something happen with Caoimhe?" I ask. 

"No, just... don't react without giving it a minute," he says.

"Okay then," I say a little nervous now, "can I go in?"

"Yeah just cool head," he reminds me, and walks in beside me. 

I get what he means immediately, when I see Spencer sitting at the rugby table with Chris's arm around her. 

Her face is a little tense and she's looking down at her lap, her hair pushed further so she's basically covering her face, and I don't even know what I feel. 

I mean it's not like we were dating, but she just said to me that she hadn't been conspiring with Chris, and then I remember her saying that the stuff that happened with Chris was personal. What the hell did that mean?

I feel a tightness in my chest and I want to go over there and peel him off of her, but if... if she wants to be there, then...

"Cool head, Kavanagh," Quinn repeats and I walk over, abandoning the plan to sit at a table and lean against one of the walls, my eyes following her. 

Eoin walks over to join us standing, "I thought you'd have McGarry in an ambulance by now."

"Rory's keeping a cool-"

"If you say cool head one more fucking time, Quinnie-" I threaten. 

"Fuck a cool head," Eoin says, "Chris sucks, and he shouldn't be around Spencer."

"Well-" I cut myself off when I see Connor walking towards me his hand on a girl I don't know too well's back, all I know is her name's Fiona, and I've seen her around Spencer a few times. I think she's in Connor's year, and she's very tall for a girl. 

They walk right to me, "hey Con," I say, "uh.. hi Fiona."

Connor looks to her, speaking more softly than I'm used to hearing from him,"tell him what you told me."

Fiona looks a little shaky, her eyes flitting to where Spencer's sitting nervously. 

"I...I...I don't know if I should-" she says awkwardly. 

"What is it?" I ask. 

"Just tell him exactly what you saw," Connor prompts, and runs a reassuring hand along her arm. 

She breathes, "this morning I saw Spencer in the bathroom."

"Okay?'

"And she was crying, and... she had a mark on her face."

"What kind of mark?" Eoin asks, and I can feel myself tensing. 

"The kind you get from someone slapping you," she says, "hard, you could even see the outline of his fingers."

"Who's fingers?" I ask, clenching my fists. 

"She didn't say but... I think it's Chris, and she said she was going to tell someone but then, they're sitting together and I don't know why she would be but..."

"Fuck," Eoin says, ''he's..." he stops like he's debating saying something, "he has something on her, it's the reason she went to the banquet, it's not my secret to tell, but that's why... I just... I assumed she had a handle on it."

"He's blackmailing her?" I ask, and I don't think I've ever been so angry. 

"Okay fuck the cool head lad," Quinn says, as I walk over to his table. 

Spencer:

I feel like my soul is cracking in two sitting beside Chris with his arm around me, the same arm that struck me just a few hours ago. 

Not to mention, I can see Rory from the corner of my eye, and I know this is going to hurt him, and I don't want that. It's going to hurt all my new friends. 

I shudder at the thought of it and drop my head not wanting to reminded of my life right now, I just want to pretend my current situation is far far away from me.

"Come on Spence," Chris whispers, "smile, you look miserable."

"You gonna hit me if I don't?" I snap back, my voice quiet but still biting. 

"Not with everyone-" he says but is cut off, by being literally thrown off of the bench, and thankfully Chris lifts his arm so I don't go flying with him.

I turn to see Rory hitting him, further injuring the already made injuries from Friday that sent him to the hospital already. 

"What the fuck Rory?" he calls out, and no one is pulling him off. Quinn, Kieran, Connor, and Eoin stand around him, not joining in but I have a feeling that they would block someone if they tried to pull him off. "What the hell is wrong now?"

"You fucking hit her you asshole!" He yells and my heart practically stops, my eyes find Fiona who looks at me apologetically standing behind Connor. 

I know why he's mad, obviously I'm fucking furious with Chris but I know this will only make things worse.

"You told him?" Chris says like that was the only grave offence committed today. 

"No I... I didn't," I say, praying he believes me, and then call out, as I stand up, "Kavanagh, please stop!"

Chris gains his footing a little and starts fighting back, "why are you so mad? She's not your girlfriend she's just a drug dealing whore."

"So you can think you can hurt her, blackmail her?"

"Like you're not fucking trying to hurt me right now?" Chris says, trying to hit Rory again but it's no use, and I have no idea how no one has had the sense to break this thing up. I mean at BCS a fight in the cafeteria would have had teachers running. 

"It's not the same," Rory says, delivering yet another blow, "you don't hit girls,"

Chris coughs up some blood, "it was a slap, I barely even touched her."

Rory looks to me then, my hair no longer covering my face, "you can see your fucking fingerprints on her."

The crowd that's gathered around the rugby team parts as someone pushes through, Rory's little sister Caoimhe followed by Ryder. 

"Rory," she yells, "get off of him!"

The sound of her voice pulls Rory out for a second allowing Chris to stand back up and start fighting again. 

"Connor!" she calls out, "help please!"

Connor shrugs but grabs Rory, saying something quietly to him, while he squirms a little and looks to me, his nose dripping blood and his hair ruffled. 

Chris charges again, getting pulled back Kieran who's standing on the other side, but he puts up a fight to being constrained pushing his elbows back, the point of his arm going directly into Caoimhe unsuspecting head, blood rushing immediately from her nose, sending her small body to the floor and then all hell truly breaks loose. 

Connor and Rory both go for him, but Ryder's faster, grabbing Chris by the back of the neck and then delivering one blow to his head knocking him right out, dropping him and then going to Caoimhe, picking her up easily, one arm under her legs, the other supporting her back, and he's saying something to her now, but I can't hear it from here. 

"What the hell is going on?" Mr. Twomey shouts, and the surrounding kids scatter leaving me with the involved group, which considering the fight was about me makes sense, but I had just sat here and not said a word. 

I stand up, walking over to Rory where he looked at Caoimhe who was conscious but spacey in Ryder's arms.  

"Miss Holland," Twomey says, "why am I not surprised to find you in the middle of this?"

"Hey!" Rory snaps, "leave her alone, she had nothing to do with this."

Mr. Twomey doesn't respond just looks down at a barely moving Chris, "Mr. Fane, call an ambulance, Jesus," he rubs the crease between his eyebrows, "the rest of you with me, all of you to my office."

"Hey, you too Mr. Feely," he says to Ryder, who's walking away, still holding Caoimhe, her head tucked against his chest. 

"I'm taking Caoimhe to the nurse," he says, half turning around. 

"She can go after you all come to my office-"

"I wasn't asking," he says, and walks out without another word. 

"Ah... the rest of you with me," he says trying to pretend the fourteen year old hadn't just shown him up, and directs Mr. Fane and another teacher to stay with Chris who was just waking up still on the ground.  Forcing Rory, Connor, Fiona, Eoin, Kieran, Quinn, and I to all follow him to his office. 

Chapter Text

Monday, October 15th

Spencer:

I walk beside Fiona, doing what I can only describe as the walk of shame in front of the entire school to Twomey's office. 

I felt numb from the situation. 

"I'm sorry for..." Fiona whispers, "I'm sorry for telling Connor, I was just worried for you and I didn't know what to do."

"It's fine Fiona," I say, "don't worry about it, I'll be fine," but I doubted that everything would be fine.

Especially as I saw Marge busily calling our parents.

"Do you think they're going to call our folks?" Fiona asks.

"Yeah, but um, everyone will vouch for you that you weren't involved," I say, "it'll be cleared up for you."

"What about you though?" she asks, "and it is my fault, I told them."

I shrug, "you didn't do anything wrong, I would've done the same thing if it was me who found you in the bathroom."

She looks to me then, almost hesitantly and I think she's about to tell me something, confide in me possibly but when we hear Quinn and Eoin start speaking she closes her mouth resolutely. I decide not to push, because if she does want to share something with me, I'd rather it not be when so many other things were racing through my mind with all the possible repercussions looming over me. 

Twomey has still yet to let us into his office so I decide to fill the time a little and lean over to Fiona, making sure I'm whispering enough so Connor can't hear. 

"What's the deal with you two?" I ask. 

"Who?"

"Connor."

"Nothing," she blushes. 

"Why'd you talk to him, instead of Rory?" I ask. 

"Uh, he was just in the library, and I didn't know where Rory would be," she says. 

"Interesting," I say, distracting myself from my impending doom. 

"Why is that interesting?"

"Because Connor and library don't exist in the same sentence, unless you're in the equation."

"You don't know what you're talking about," she mutters. 

"Okay," I say, "maybe I don't." I totally did though. 

"Where is she?" someone yells and see Johnny Kavanagh practically running, with his wife, Shannon trying to keep up. 

"Ryder took her to the nurse's office," Rory says, immediately knowing what his father meant and their parents take off in that direction. 

The parents trickle in after that, everyone glaring at Ronan McGarry and Bella Wilkinson, Chris's parents. 

Quinn and Eoin's dad, Gibsie goes to stand in between his sons, "keeping it interesting lads?"

"You know it," Eoin responds. 

I look to see Kieran, who's avoiding his eye contact with his mother. 

"Kier?" she calls out. He ignores her. "How can you be on their side, when they do this to your brother?"

"Chris isn't my brother," he says still looking away. 

"Well considering I gave both of you life, I'd beg to differ," she refutes. 

He scoffs, "what are you even doing here? Your son's already in the hospital, you should be with him."

"We're here for you, and to make sure those involved are punished properly," she exclaims looking at Rory pointedly. 

"Yeah like Chris," Rory mutters. 

Two more adults arrive then, and judging by their height, blonde hair and harsh expressions, I devise that they're Fiona's parents. 

"What were you thinking Freya?" her mother demands. 

"Why did she call you-" I start. 

"She just gets them mixed up sometimes," Fiona whispers and walks over to them looking very nervous, and it makes me think there's more to the story that just confusing her name with her dead sisters'. 

I don't dwell on it when Cole comes in, immediately clocking the mark on my face, "what the hell happened?"

"Nothing," I dismiss, "where's Charlie?"

Cole moves closer to me, "he...um, he had kind of a hard morning."

He had a panic attack. Fuck, this is just what he needs right now, another thing to cause him stress.  

"What happened here?" he asks and then looks to the other people around us, "they said on the call that a fight happened...did you and Rory and have fight..." he looks to Rory's visible injuries, "and you won?"

"What? no," I say, "this," I point to my face, "was unrelated, he got in a fight with Chris."

Cole looks to me in understanding, "did Chris do that to you?" no longer keeping this conversation quiet. "That fucker."

And I know, I truly understand that being any type of victim doesn't make you weak, but I can't help but feel it in this moment. I feel weak. 

All of my life the only way for me to feel in control was to feel strong, to be strong and tough and take action, and now I've lost all my control. 

"I'm sorry," I say, and I don't even know what I'm apologizing for. 

"He hurt you?" Gibsie asks, almost shell shocked, and I don't know why he's so upset, we had met a couple times through Eoin, but we had never really talked, there was no reason to be upset for me. 

"I..." I start, not really knowing what I'm about to say, saved by Ryder's father who I met at Eoin's birthday. AKA Patrick Feely, who I may or not have had a poster of in my room when I was ten. It was one of those ones you cut out of magazines with him on stage playing the guitar. 

At least I never had one of those for Rory's dad like some of my friends had, that would have made things super awkward. 

"Where's Ryder?" he asks, "I got a call saying he was involved in a fight."

Eoin speaks up, because I'm guessing his friendship with Ryder, means he's spent a lot of time with Patrick, "Chris hit Caoimhe, Ry's with her at the nurse, Johnny and Shan already got here."

"Jesus," he exclaims,"what'd Ryder do to him after?"

Eoin laughs, "one punch, out clean, barely conscious when they put him in the ambulance."

"So wait," Gibsie says, "did Rory beat the shit out of McGarry for hurting Spencer or Caoimhe?"

"He hurt them both," Connor says, "Rory got him for Spencer, Ryder for Keev."

"Look," I say, gathering their attention, "it's not that big of a deal, it was more of a misunderstanding," I lie, "so we can just not mention it."

"Why are you protecting him?" Rory asks, Chris's blood literally on his white school shirt. "What the hell does he have on you?"

"What do you mean 'have on her'?" Cole asks, and then a look of realization passes through him, and he looks to me, "was it him?"

"Was what him?" Rory asks. 

"For how long Spencer?" Cole practically pleads.

"Uh...uh-"

"Okay, please all come in to my office," Mr. Twomey says opening his door for all of us. 

Chapter Text

Claire:

What the hell is going on at Tommen? Gerard just had to go in for Quinn and Eoin, they both got in trouble. 

Katie:

Ryder too, I'm on a field trip with my first years, so Patrick had to go in. 

Emily:

Apparently a fight between Rory and Chris broke out in the cafeteria, and Ryder got involved, but the whole group got called into the office. 

Claire:

Didn't Rory just get in trouble for fighting him on Friday?

Emily:

They had to call the ambulance this time, I didn't see him but my students said he looked rough, he was practically unconscious when they were bringing him out. 

Katie:

Rory knocked him out?

Emily:

No that was Ryder.

Katie:

What?

Lizzie:

Did something happen to Caoimhe?

Leah:

Yeah, I was with Shannon when she got called, apparently she was bleeding or something.  

Aoife:

Is that why the fight broke out then? Caoimhe?

Leah:

Will just texted me, Chris and Rory were fighting about that Holland girl and then Caoimhe got hurt by accident. 

Lizzie:

And so of course little Feely knocked him unconscious. 

Katie:

Jesus, I can't believe he did that. 

Lizzie:

I didn't say it was a bad thing. 

Shannon:

Caoimhe's alright!!! Her nose isn't broken, just swollen, and she'll probably have a black eye. 

Claire:

How's Johnny responding?

Shannon:

Waiting til we get to the parking lot to kill Ronan. I don't even think I'm joking. 

Lizzie:

Do you know why the fight happened?

Shannon:

We're just walking to Twomey's office right now, but Ryder said that Spencer had some kind of mark on her face from Chris hitting her, one of her friend's told Connor what had happened and Rory reacted. 

Aoife:

Just like his daddy.

Katie:

Oh my god, is she okay?

Lizzie:

Fuck Chris, I always hated his parents, figures they'd make abusive devil spawn.

Aoife:

I'd be happy to put Bella back in her place. 

Shannon:

Okay, I'm going in now, I'll let you know how it goes.

Claire:

Good luck babe!

Lizzie:

Shan, can you make sure Spencer's okay?

Shannon:

 Of course. 

Chapter Text

Monday, October 15th

Rory:

My mother's never told me the whole extent of what it was like for her and her brothers growing up in their house. They've said bits and pieces, usually unintentionally. 

A story of a toy karaoke machine, that she sang with her Mam and older brothers, accidentally mentioning how her father broke it a day later. 

My mother joking around with my uncle Tadhg about how he styled her hair to cover the pieces that had been pulled right from her head. 

Referring to something from her childhood, she hadn't realized wasn't normal, and my dad having to pull her aside and explain. 

Sometimes I've overheard my parents speaking. My mother crying on the anniversary of their deaths. 

I've seen some of her scars, as well as my Uncle Joey's.

Their parents exist in my life in the way that Caoimhe complains about how our uncle Darren 'hates' her because he can barely stand to be in the same room as her, because the older she gets the more she looks like his mother. 

I've seen some of the old newspaper articles, and the town gossip from other kids and parents and even teachers. 

I knew that Joey was scared of having a son, and when I was younger and my hair was lighter I got told I resembled him in some ways. 

From everything I knew, I hated my grandfather. It pains me that I share DNA with him. When I see pictures of my mom at that age or think of Caoimhe now, I can't help but feel angry. And seeing that mark, harsh red lines where you could see the outline of Chris's grimy fingers broke something in me. 

I had always viewed Spencer as untouchable, until Friday I thought that almost nothing bothered her. It seemed unimaginable that someone would hurt her. But seeing her like that, knowing how she must have felt in the moment, I just couldn't think rationally. 

And when I saw him hit Caoimhe, even if that one was an accident, made me see red, halted only by Ryder knocking him the fuck out. 

I knew he worked out, but I always just think of him as the violinist who spent too much time with my sister. 

All this to say, I'm currently in the principal's office for said fight. 

I gaze around the room, almost everyone's faces are tense, lined with frustration, nerves and anger. 

My parents both just walked in with Ryder and Caoimhe so the meeting can truly start now. 

"Thank you for joining-" Twomey starts but Connor cuts him off. 

"Before we start Fiona, Eoin, Quinn, Spencer, Kieran, and Caoimhe were not in any way involved, so you should let them leave."

He should've been included in that list too, but I don't speak up.

"Thank you Connor," Mr. Twomey says annoyed, "but I'll decide who I ask to stay in my office."

I look to Caoimhe and she looks a little defeated leaning against Ryder, who has his arm wrapped around her small frame, running his fingers through her hair in increments of five. I don't really know his deal with the counting, but they seemed okay. 

My dad looks a little annoyed and probably thinks he should be the one holding up his daughter right now, but he doesn't say anything, probably not wanting to add any stress to Caoimhe right now.  

"Okay, I want the whole story," Mr. Twomey says, "and quite frankly I don't trust this particular group... so Fiona, would you tell me your account of the story?"

Fiona's eyes widen, looking warily at the massive group, "uh... well... this morning I saw Spencer, um.. she was crying and she had a imprint on her face, and I knew someone had hit her, and I had a feeling it was Chris and then I saw them sitting together, and I... I felt that I had to tell someone," she breathes out. 

"So you had a feeling?" Ronan asks incredulously. "My son's in the hospital because this girl had a feeling?"

"You don't know what the hell-" I start, but Mr. Twomey cuts me off. 

"Please, let Fiona finish."

She flushes again, and continues, "I knew that Spencer and Rory were close, but I didn't know where I would find him so, when I saw Connor in the library I told him my suspicions, and he took me to Rory to tell him, which I did, then Eoin," she gestures to him, "said something about Chris holding something against her, like blackmailing her, and then I followed the group to where they confronted Chris, where he admitted to hurting her."

"You don't have any proof of that," Bella snaps. 

"Well he said it, and there was a lot of fucking witnesses," Eoin snaps back, and his dad looks proud.

"He was getting assaulted, how can we take anything he said seriously?" Ronan counters. 

"What about your son's fingerprints on her face?" Cole asks, clearly enraged. 

Ronan scoffs, "oh please, we all know where she lives, her family, that's probably from her uncle or one of her drug dealing brothers-"

"I saw her this morning, she was fine," I snap, looking over at Spencer who's completely frozen standing beside her brother, leaning against him, as his fingers shook with inaction. 

"Okay, okay, you mentioned Chris holding something against Miss Holland, what would that be?" Mr. Twomey asks. 

Everyone's eyes go to Spencer and she stands motionless, "I have no idea what they're talking about."

Cole whispers to her, and they switch to sign language, rapidly moving their fingers, making no sense to anyone else in the room, until they abruptly stop. 

"Why would Eoin say that then?" Mr. Twomey asks. 

"I don't know why."

I turn to Eoin and he looks at her pleadingly, before speaking up, "just tell them the truth Spencer."

She clenches her jaw, "I don't know what you-"

"Miss Holland, if another student is blackmailing you, you must inform me, it will be a large consideration in this situation."

"I'm sorry, but I have nothing to say," Spencer says resolutely. 

"Spencer," Cole pleads, "I'll be fine-"

"No," she says, "it's fine."

I can't think of what on earth she could possibly be so fiercely protecting, what should we hide, and why the hell did Chris and Eoin knew. 

Mr. Twomey clears his throat, "would you like to add anything Miss Holland," he asks, but she says nothing,"do you deny that Mr. McGarry struck you?" he's met with silence, "Miss Holland, I need you to cooperate here, on your first day you said you were a respect is earned type of person, is not answering me showing me respect?"

Eoin groans, "she's obviously just not talking because she's scared of Chris."

"Mr. Holland, do you have anything to add?" Mr. Twomey asks. 

He swallows hard, "if my sister has nothing to say, then she doesn't have anything to say."

"Spencer," I say, "just... it's...." I stand up, "can we talk outside?"

I start walking and Spencer follows me, both of us ignoring Twomey's protests. 

Once we're outside and alone, she turns to me, looking more shaken up that she's letting on. 

"What does he have on you?" I ask, my eyes falling on the mark on her face, and I can't help but bring my finger up to trace it.

She shudders, "it's...it's not that I don't trust you, it's just... I would get kicked out of this school before I told those people."

"Why? Is it... What could you have done?" I ask. 

"I...I," a tear slips from her eye, "it's not just about me."

"So what am I supposed to do? I'm going to let Chris blackmail you, am I supposed to walk you to his table and let him hurt you?" I ask, "because I can't do that, I won't sit back and watch."

"This morning was the first time-"

"He hurt you?" I finish for her. 

She bites her lip, and I can tell more has been going on, "he...he saw us together, and he wanted to make you jealous, so if we just... if I stay away from you, he won't bother me as much."

"That's what you want?" I ask. 

"Obviously not, but this... it's better this way," she says tucking her hair behind her ears. 

I bite the inside of my cheek, "can you at least tell Twomey about him hitting you?"

"I'm sorry Rory," she says. 

"And what about Eoin and Maeve and-"

"What about them?" she asks. 

"What happens when Chris wants to use you against them?" I ask. 

"So what should I stop being friends with them?" she asks, "I'll do whatever you think is best, if you..."

"No they need you," I say resolutely. 

She scoffs, "they don't need me."

"You don't realize the effect you have on people, Spencer," I say, "on me, on everyone around you."

She shakes her head, "I don't."

"Just look at Fiona," I say, "I swear to God, I've heard her speak three times since she's been at Tommen, she was like a ghost and a month of hanging out with you, she's a whole different person, and Maeve, you didn't know Maeve last year, she... she wasn't well, her parents pulled her out of school for the last few months of the year, you've changed her life, and Juliet and Eve and just everything you touch is better because of it."

"Please stop, Rory," she cries, "I'm not who you think I am."

"Spencer, just tell me and I can help you." I felt like I was pushing a rock uphill just for it to fall down again and again. 

"I'm sorry Rory," she says, walking back and slipping into the office. 

Chapter Text

Gibsie:

Damn, Ryder knocked that kid out. 

Will:

Knocked him out cold, I didn't know a fourteen year old could hit that hard. I'd hate to see what he would've done if Chris actually meant to hit Caoimhe. 

Ryder:

Yeah, I know we should punish him but if I had been him, but if that had been Katie bleeding I'd have done the same thing. 

Gibsie:

You can't punish him for it, sometimes a lad needs to be beaten senseless. And that lad had to be beaten senseless. 

Ollie:

Why'd Rory go after him in the first place?

Gibsie:

The little fucker hit Spencer.

Ollie:

The Holland girl?

Will:

Yeah.

Hugh:

He's getting expelled right?

Johnny:

He should be, but in the meeting, Spencer wouldn't say anything, claimed to not know what everyone was talking about. 

Gibsie:

Eoin knows why but he won't say anything, he's already beating himself up about betraying her trust or something. 

Johnny:

Sometimes it's worth it to tell someone even if they think it's for the best. 

Gibsie:

That's what I told him, but he said it was complicated, I don't know, I can't exactly force it out of him. 

Will:

You could bribe him. 

Tadhg:

Once again, educator of the year. 

Will:

Figures you'd only chime in to criticize me. 

Johnny:

I don't know what to do, and Rory's about to have a conniption over here, he feels as helpless as I did in that hospital bed Gibs.

Gibsie:

That was a stressful night lad. 

Ollie:

Can you get the Gardai involved?

Garrison:

That might make everything worse considering who her family is.

Hugh:

True. 

Gibsie:

You think her family has something to do with it maybe?

Johnny:

Maybe, I don't know.

Johnny:

Did you know her brothers Gar?

Garrison:

Yeah, they would watch her games at the school and I taught hurling to Cole for about a month before he dropped out of school.

Johnny:

And they're good to her?

Garrison:

Definitely.

Johnny:

Maybe I could go talk to them?

Hugh:

And do what?

Johnny:

I don't know talk to them maybe or like let them know I could help if they needed it.

Will:

Worth a shot. 

Gibsie:

Just don't bulldoze lad. 

Johnny:

When have I ever done that?

Chapter Text

Tuesday, October 16th

Spencer:

"You shouldn't have gone without me," Charlie says for what felt like the millionth time since Cole and I had gotten home yesterday. 

"Well you weren't in the right state and I thought that it would be like the same thing as last time," Cole says. 

"I was fine," Charlie says and we don't push it. 

"How long has Chris been bothering you?" Cole asks. 

I groan, "it's fine, things just got out of hand yesterday, I was egging him on."

"Spencer, it wasn't your fault," Charlie says, "nothing you could have done with had warranted that."

"I know," I say, "I just... I've been able to handle him so far."

"You should've told us," Cole says again. 

"Yes I've heard you," I snap, not meaning to raise my voice, "I lost everything I worked for last year to protect you Cole, and I'd do it again, so why are you surprised I kept doing it?"

"You're my little sister, you shouldn't have to protect-" his voice is cut off by a knock at our door. 

"I swear to God, if this is Whitney," Charlie grumbles, walking towards the door. Opening revealing not the girl who lived down the hall who liked to harass my brother, but 6'5" Rugby star Johnny Kavanagh. 

"Hi," he says, "can I come in?"

"In regards to?" Charlie asks. 

"Why is he speaking like an email?" Cole mutters earning a smile from me, which is helpful considering the tension that was occurring before we got the knock at the door. 

"I thought we could talk," Johnny says. 

Charlie looks back to me, "Spencer?" He's leaving the choice up to me, and I'm kind of curious, so I nod. 

Charlie opens the door a little wider, and I'm glad I woke early and stress cleaned the whole apartment. 

Johnny looks around, "it's a nice place."

"Thanks," I say, a little amused because, I've never been to Rory's house, but I can imagine it's a hundred times bigger than this and way nicer. And I can't even say ours is more like a home with a family who loves each other, because although it is, I imagine Rory's is the same. 

He walks around a little, looking over the photos we have framed, and it's bordering on tacky the amount we have but my friend Meghan got a job at the photo development place and let me get as many as I wanted, and I thrift the frames whenever I can. 

Photos of my parents, us when were little, my camogie games, Cole's hurling matches, Charlie holding up a newspaper when he won a writing competition in middle school, and just about every birthday, Christmas and everything we've celebrated.

"Do you want anything?" I ask, "tea, coffee..."

"Coffee would be great," he says, and then clears his throat as Cole moves to make it for him, "I just wanted to know if I could help."

"In what way?" I ask. 

He looks over to me, his jaw tensing as he sees the side of my face, "I've been in a situation like this, with my wife."

"Wasn't your wife in an abusive household?" Cole asks. 

"Well yes-"

"Hey, that's not-" Cole instantly gets defensive. 

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that of course," he says, "you two seem like great brothers, I just know that Rory is really worried about Spencer and I have the habit of getting involved in things that aren't really my place."

Charlie exhales, "this is really nice of you, but it's not exactly needed."

"Look I get that you have done a lot to be there for your siblings," he addresses Charlie, "and you've done a hell of a good job, but don't refuse help just because you don't know how to accept it."

Charlie bites the inside of my cheek and I see movement from the slightly ajar door. I get up without saying anything, and slip outside seeing Rory pacing. 

"What are you doing?" I ask. 

He stops in his tracks, "I was supposed to wait in the car."

"Okay..."

"But I came in."

"Why didn't you knock on the door?" I ask. 

"I.. I didn't think you wanted to see me, but I wanted to see you," he says. 

"So you settled on seeing my front door?" I ask. 

"Uh...I'm not always logical," he admits. 

"I've actually gathered that," I say, "you're not very closed off."

"You are," he says, "closed off that is."

"Right," I say, "did Twomey not let you come to school either?"

"We're all suspended until they decide on the punishments, even Fiona and Eoin."

"Caoimhe?"

He nods, "Tommen's just being difficult, it should just be Chris and I," he says, "and maybe Ryder that was..."

"A little scary," I say and he laughs, "well at least he's on your side."

"Yeah, I mean I kind of hate it but I'm glad Caoimhe's got him."

"Yeah, he's probably good for her with everything that happened last year," I say, and his head snaps to mine. 

"You know what happened?" he asks. 

"I...um...she told me," I say, "I would never tell anyone, and I haven't."

"Oh," he says, "I didn't realize anyone outside of the family knew."

"Eoin sort of let something slip, so she explained it," I say, "I didn't push her too or anything, she just.."

"She trusted you," he finishes. 

"Hey Spence," Whitney says passing by me, "I'll see you at work sweetie."

"Yeah see you," I say, and some more people fill into the hallway, "do you want to go to my room?"

He nods, and I open the door, not really listening Rory's father and my brothers' conversation and lead him into my room, and they just ignore us. 

He looks around, similar mannerisms to his father, "this is nice."

"It's home," I say sitting down on my bed, and gesturing for him to sit with me. 

He looks hesitant, "will your brothers kill me if they find me in your bed?"

"They trust me," I say, "besides I've met enough of Cole's one night stands for a lifetime, so he can handle a boy sitting on my bed."

"Fair enough," he says, my small bed wobbling as he sits down. "You've won a lot of trophies," he comments.

"Yeah, I'm pretty good," I say. 

"Humble too," he jokes. 

"That was me being humble, I scored the winning goal for a national championship Kavanagh," I say, feeling better than I have in a while. 

He laughs, "um...what you said yesterday about you not knowing you, what did you mean?"

My joking mood instantly sobers up, "can we not talk about that?"

"Well..."

"Please?" I ask, "it's all I've talked about since I got home yesterday, I need a break."

"What'd you have in mind?" he asks. 

I move closer to him, and maybe I'm using him as a distraction right now, and in the back of my mind I know it's not fair to him, but the last time anything in my life felt alright was on Saturday when we were kissing on the trampoline, and I just want to feel that way again. 

"Give me a distraction Rory," I say breathlessly. 

His hands move to my waist and he lightly moves me back, so I'm laying down, my head on my pillow, he leans down and our lips brush against each other together.

My hands sink into his hair, and I pull him further into me. He grabs my legs bringing them on either side of his waist, so I'm basically wrapped around him at this point, 

Our kissing turns hungrier, more like how we were at the camogie game, and just his touch and his taste feel electric. 

His mouth moves to my neck and shoulder as my left tank top strap slides down on its own. 

"Rory," I groan. 

His head raises, "shh," he says, "don't let them hear."

I nod, biting my tongue, feeling unbelievably close to him, and I know that this isn't the end of our conversation yesterday, things will most likely get a lot worse, but right now they're perfect. 

A knock sounds at my door, and Johnny speaks up, "Ror, we're leaving now."

I start to sit up, and laugh when he keeps kissing me, "you've gotta go."

"Let me stay," he prompts kissing his way from my shoulder back up to my jaw.

I grab his face in my hands, "I would if I could," and I place one last kiss to his lips before we entangle ourselves, sorting out our hair and now crinkled clothes. 

He walks to the door but turns before he leaves, "are we going to go back to how it was?"

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Where we don't talk and I just go crazy," he says. 

I smile but I know it's hollow, "goodbye Rory."

He nods sadly before opening, leaving, and closing my door, leaving me alone again. 

About a minute later, Cole opens my door, "hey look we have a plan-" his eyes go to my disheveled bed sheets, "ewww."

"Shut up," I say, "not another word," I warn. 

He walks away leaving my door slightly open, "Char, we need to make a no boys in Spencer's room policy."

I groan and shake my head, but if things kept going the way that they are, they won't have anything to worry about. 

Chapter Text

Erin:

How could you guys do this to me?

Connor:

Do what?

Erin:

Leave me all alone.

Addie:

Okay, I'm sitting across from you right now.

Eoin:

Couldn't you have just said that then? Like out loud?

Addie:

Then you guys wouldn't be apart of the conversation.

Kieran. 

God forbid.

Erin:

Fuck you Kier :)))

Connor:

It's not really our fault, you would be suspended too if you two hadn't been skipping, 

Rory:

Where did you two even go?

Addie:

Erin dragged me to the mall.

Erin:

The sale they were having was unreal, once in a lifetime type shit.

Quinn:

Why didn't you just go afterschool?

Erin:

Because then all the girls would be coming then and I wanted to get in there first, and get in there I did.

Addie:

My arms are still sore from carrying her bags. 

Erin:

She's exaggerating, anyways I tried to convince my parents to let us stay home in solidarity but that didn't go over too well.

Addie:

They laughed at her. 

Connor:

it's been three days, we should be able to go back by now, this is so fucking stupid. 

Eoin:

I know we weren't even the fight, no offence Ror and Ry.

Kieran:

I'm surprised you two would even want to come back to school. 

Eoin:

That's true, I've actually been able to work more. 

Maeve:

I've been sending you your homework, you should be doing that, not just working. 

Rory:

How are you doing May? Being the only one in school?

Erin:

What are Addie and I then? Ghosts. 

Connor:

Chronic skippers.

Maeve:

It's fine, I've been sitting with Juliet and Eve.

Quinn:

Ah, my beloved. 

Erin:

And Kier's beloved. 

Quinn:

Hey, don't tease him or he'll leave the gc, it took me a month to get him back on this one. 

Connor:

I just want to be back in school, Twomey's just being a spineless asshole. 

Addie:

Connor just wants Fiona back in school.

Erin:

He feels bad, like he's the reason she got in trouble. 

Connor:

Chill on the theories, because I don't think you want me blasting you two's love lives on here. 

Erin:

Lips = Zipped.

Addie:

Ditto. 

AJ:

What do you mean love lives? I haven't met anyone. 

Eoin:

Does this mean you admit there's love between you and Fiona? Connor.

Connor:

No, stop twisting my words. 

Rory:

Eoin, have you talked to Spencer?

Eoin:

Yeah, I've seen her a couple times at the cafe. 

Rory:

Was she mad at you?

Eoin:

I thought she was going to be, but she was weirdly cool about it. I don't know I still feel kinda of bad about everything though. 

Maeve:

No, it was the right thing to do.

Eoin:

It didn't work though, it just made things worse for everyone's punishments. 

Erin:

Okay, so a bunch of the girls have been talking about Ryder's valiant act of knocking the fuck out of Chris, was it actually as good as it sounds?

Quinn:

It was pretty sweet, it made like a really loud noise. 

Caoimhe:

What are they saying?

Addie:

Just that Ryder carried you like a knight in shining armour and defended you, and is either in love with him or convinced you two fucked in the nurse's office. 

Caoimhe:

What???

Erin:

I heard that too. 

Caoimhe:

The nurse was there the whole time. 

Eoin:

3 way?

Caomhe:

WTH???

Quinn:

Nurse Rose is kinda hot.

Rory:

Shut up you little freaks. 

Caoimhe:

Yes please shut up. 

AJ:

I thought Tommen was chaotic when I went there, but you lot bring it to a whole new level. 

Quinn:

We keep it interesting. 

Ryder:

You all make it chaotic. 

Erin:

Says the one who finished the fucking fight. 

Ryder:

Because it needed to stop, it was out of hand. 

Addie:

How romantic. 

Rory:

Whatever, I'm just worried about Spencer, so when we get back to school, let's just try to help her with Chris. 

AJ:

By the sound of it can't we just send Feely to put a 'stop' to it?

Chapter Text

Monday, October 22nd

Spencer:

"Fucking finally, you're back," Juliet says running to hug me, as I step back in Tommen, after almost a week of being suspended. 

I return her hug, and pull back to hug Eve too. 

They had both visited me on Friday, but it was oddly nice to be back at school again. At least I hadn't fallen behind in my classes too much, with them sending me my homework. 

"Is all of your guys' punishment over then?" Eve asks. 

"Everyone except for Rory, Ryder, and I are good now," I say, signing as well.

"What about you three?" Jules asks. 

"Twomey said it'll probably be detention or volunteering or something," I say, "he hasn't decided yet."

"I don't get it though, you weren't even involved in the fight," she comments, "you were a victim."

I hate that word, hate that it was associated with me in any way. I didn't feel like one. 

"I didn't give up any information," I say, "I was uncooperative."

"What bullshit," Jules groans. "At least Chris is still at home," and we all nod in agreement.  Although Chris was probably just waiting to heal a bit more before coming back to school. 

We walk to the library, to our usual table, and they both pull out the stuff they're working on. Eve opens her book, 'To Kill a Mockingbird' and a highlighter and pen to annotate the pages for her class, and Juliet pulls out some art project she's working on. 

"I just feel so bad for Fiona," I say, "I mean she got a four day suspension for just helping me."

"Yeah," Jules agrees, "Twomey's such an asshole."

"What are you working on?" I ask, a little confused by what I'm looking at. 

"In my fashion class we have to use fashion in a way that makes some type of message or stands for something we believe in," she says gesturing to what look just look like handcuffs with ribbons and stuff glued to it. 

"And you believe what?" I ask and then guess, "prisoners should be able to decorate their handcuffs?"

She laughs, "no, it's a commentary on the chains of society and how the upperclass romanticize oppression, but it's still oppression, just with bows and lace."

"Oh," I say, "that's really cool."

"I'm almost done with these actually, could you model them for me for the photos?" she asks. 

"Oh," I say, "I..."

"It would just be your back," she says, "and no one would know it was you."

"Sure," I say, "sounds good."

I pull out my math work, and I'm really hoping Fiona can forgive me and we can return to our tutoring sessions because it's confusing as hell without her help. 

"Okay, I'm ready," Jules says, "could you stand up?"

I do, putting my hands behind my back, and allow her to place the decorated restraints on my wrists, they aren't tight so I could probably get out of them by breaking them if I really needed to but I still hated the feeling, and I would hate even more for one of my brothers to be forced into that situation. 

I hear her snapping pictures, "wait this is missing something, I'll be right back, I just need to grab it from my locker."

"Jules," I say, "you can't leave me like this-" but she's ran out of the room. I look to Eve who's laughing but I can't even say anything to her because my hands are planted firmly behind my back, and unless I want to ruin all of Juliet's hard work I've gotta keep them there. 

"Hey," I hear and look to see Rory walking into the library, Quinn and Kieran behind him, and he's holding a tray of coffees. "I brought you this," he says holding out one of the cups and I go to grab it but I'm still restrained. 

"Thanks," I say awkwardly with him still holding it out with me making no to grab it.

"Do you not want it?" Rory asks. 

"No, no I do," I say, "I um..." I turn around showing him my hands. 

"Do I even want to know?" he asks setting the tray down and passing Eve one of them too.

"Thank you," she signs and he smiles back. 

"Jules is finally starting that sister wives cult she always talks about, this is part of the initiation," I joke. 

"Ah," he says, "makes sense."

Juliet returns then holding some type of fake flower, "got it!" she says and then looks at the guys, "what are they doing here?"

"Wow," Quinn says, "you don't see me for a week and that's all you have to say?"

She turns to Eve and signs, "looks like my migraine's finally back." Causing Eve, Kieran and I to laugh. Well Kieran more smirks but I think that's the most emotion he's willing to show. 

"What'd she say?" Quinn demands, but I just laugh harder. 

"We got you one too," Rory says sliding the tray over to her.

"Thanks Rory," she says bending down behind me to attach the flower.

"Hey, Rory was just going to get one for Holland but I had the kind idea to get one for you too," Quinn points out. 

Juliet ignores him, "Spence could you make your hands look more graceful, like a lady of society."

I try to soften my hands but now I feel like I'm overthinking it, "you should've got Eve do this then." 

"Ooh actually," Jules says standing up and asks Evelyn if she's wearing any rings. She passes her a small gold one with a tiny diamond on it and slips it on my left ring finger. 

"Jesus," I say, "you don't even ask me to marry you, you just put the ring on."

She laughs, "careful Kavanagh, I might just steal your girl."

He laughs too, but I think he remembers that I'm not really his, I can't be with the threat of Chris still looming over us. In fact once he's back in school, I'm going to have to ignore Rory completely. 

"So did you talk to your brothers about what they were thinking about?" he asks, "with my Da?"

"Yeah," I say, "thanks I really hope it works."

I spend the rest of the day talking to my teachers, completing any of the work I couldn't do at home, pretending not to notice as people stare at me all day, and sticking close to my friends. I don't talk to Rory again, but it's probably for the best. 

I take the bus home, dreading the homework I have to do but glad that I could come to school at all today. 

As I'm walking home, a voice grabs my attention, "haven't talked in a while, have we?"

"Leave me alone Shane," I roll my eyes, "I know you're not paying Tommen anymore, I'm not doing a single fucking job for you now."

"Okay, okay," he says grabbing my arm and turning me to face him, "how about this?"

"Charlie's going to flip If he knows you're talking to me," I say. 

"Don't I know it," he chuckles darkly, "kid's got a mean streak."

"I'm leaving," I say, but he stays holding onto me. 

"Okay, I'll leave you alone, if you do one last delivery," he says. 

"Or you could just leave me alone after I leave right now," I say. 

"Come on this is an easy deal, I won't show up to your work, I won't sneak up on you, one time then it's done," he says. "I won't ever threaten Cole again."

"How can I trust you?"I ask, because not having to worry about him jumping out at me at anytime does seem nice, but there always seemed to something up with him.

"I swear," he says, "one time, that's all I need."

"Okay," I say tentatively, "but I have permission to kill you if you go back on your promise."

"I'll give you the blade," he smiles and discreetly hands me another package, "same locker, same deal."

"You better not fuck me over," I say. 

"Wouldn't dream of it Spence," he smirks and taps me on the nose, and walks away. 

I walk back to our apartment warily but if he's telling the truth, it feels like a massive weight's been lifted off of my shoulders. 

Chapter Text

Tuesday, October 23rd

Rory:

"The carts are already sorted in alphabetical order, so just bring them to the correct section, and file them into the shelves, using the authors' names," Ms. Willards, Tommen's librarian instructs. 

Chris wasn't coming back until tomorrow, but Spencer, Ryder, and I were completing the first day of our punishment of helping out in the library   

"Okay, sounds good," I say, and the others nod too. 

I go over to the 'Q - S' section, and start placing books in as Ms. Willards returns back to her desk. 

"So..." Spencer starts, talking to Ryder, but she's talking pretty loud, so I don't really feel like I'm eavesdropping. 

"Hmm," Ryder says, placing the books, taking care to make sure they're even. 

"What's the deal with you and Caoimhe?"

"We're friends," he says, his tone even. 

"Is that all?" she presses. 

"Why are you asking?" he asks. 

"Because I'm alone with you two in this library for the next two hours, and I thought I may as well ask," she says. 

"Talk to Rory," he says. 

"Gee thanks," Spencer says laughing, "love talking to you too."

"I didn't mean to offend you," he says looking to her, "I just think you'll enjoy talking to Rory more, and I'd rather focus on this."

"Don't worry about it," she says, walking over to me, and whispers to me, "what is there to focus on?"

I smirk, glad that someone else finally sees him for his odd behaviour. I whisper back, "I told you, he's just intense about everything."

"Hmm," she says moving closer to me, and my hand moves to her hip, pulling her more into me, "hey," she says, "we need to stay focused, this is important work."

I'm not one hundred-percent sure where I really stand with Spencer, the conversation last week outside of Twomey's office, and then she kissed me when I went to her place. And whenever I bring it up, she just changes the subject. Eoin would say I was whipped. 

"I thought you wanted a distraction," I say. 

"Hey so Ryder," Spencer says pushing off of me, "what's it like living with Katie and Patrick Feely?"

"My parents?"

"Yeah, you know the rockstars," she says. 

"I can't complain," he says looking at another book and placing it between to others. 

"Riveting stuff," she says, returning back to her own section. 

We last about another thirty minutes before she starts talking again, and I'm happy she breaks the silence, because Ryder's breathing is creepily even. 

"Can I ask you something Rory?"

"Sure," I say. 

"Why does Kieran live with you?" she asks, "I know his father passed away, but wouldn't he just live with his Mam?"

It wasn't exactly private information, so I felt okay telling her. 

"Kieran doesn't get along with his Mam at all, and his parents had never lived together, he had always been with his father, so when he passed away, he was supposed to go live with his Mam, Step Dad, and three little brothers, he ran away."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, we had already been friends for a couple years, and I kind of thought he might try something, I knew he didn't really like Chris or Ronan either, the twins were still pretty young, but... I just knew..." I clear my throat, "I told my parents and my Da caught him before he got on the bus, and he stayed with us for a little while."

"Oh."

"The plan was to convince him to go live with his family, but it was obvious if he left he was just going to run again, and Ronan didn't want him, so... he just never left."

"So is he legally...like, did you guys adopt him?"

"No," I say, "legally he still lives with his parents, that's why they got called last week when we all got in trouble."

"And your parents, they're alright with it?" she asks. 

"Yeah, he was already over at our house all the time, and my Mam, her and her brothers were taken in after her parents died and I think she wanted to do that for someone else," I say, "and he's one of the family now."

"Do your siblings like him?"

"Yeah, he's been living with us since Caoimhe was five, so they've been basically siblings for as long as she can remember," I say, "and he's the only one that ever calls her out, and Connor and him are good friends."

"That's really nice of your family," she says, and then asks, "what do you think of his Mam?"

"She's...Not my favourite."

"Oh yeah?"

"Nope, and she's been hitting on Quinn and I since we were fourteen," I say laughing. 

"You're kidding," she accuses. 

"Nope, I think she just wants to mess with Kier or I don't know, but it's just bloody weird."

"Does Kieran know?"she asks. 

"No, we just hide it from him, he would be embarrassed if he knew."

"Yeah," she says, and then adds, "when I met her, she told me she was glad to have all sons because it meant less competition, so that actually checks out."

"Jesus, I'm just glad we got Kier out of there," I say. 

"Yeah, maybe that's why his brothers are so mental," she muses. 

"Cian's not too bad," I comment. 

She nods, "yeah, I noticed that actually," she smiles for a second, "I think he's got a thing for Maeve."

"Don't tell her Da, he's like massively overprotective," I warn. 

Ryder scoffs, "says the pot to the kettle."

"Are you eavesdropping Feely?" Spencer asks incredulously. 

"I'm trying not to," he says. 

"Okay sorry," Spencer says, "I'll be quiet now," and she is, returning to her work. 

By the time we're finished the two hours, I'm bored out of my fucking mind.

"Bye Rory," Spencer says, "nice talking to you Ryder."

"Goodbye," Ryder says. 

"Yeah bye," I say to Spencer, feeling... I don't quite know, I never seem to know these days. 

Walking out of the school I feel my phone vibrate and I see that Connor's texted me.

Connor: Hey, I forgot my hurling bag in my locker would you mind grabbing it?

Me: Yeah sure.

Connor: Thanks I owe you :)

I pocket it and walk back into the school making my way to the fifth year hallway, stopping as I see Spencer standing near a locker that I know isn't hers.

"I thought you left already," I say. 

She turns her head like she's been caught, and I look to the locker she's hanging around and I'm very confused. 

"Ah, I just needed to grab something," she says. 

"Your locker isn't in this hallway," I say. 

"It's um..." she says, and then looks down, "I just have to drop something off for Chris," she seems defeated in telling me that, but I'm just more confused because...

"That's not Chris's locker," I say. 

"Yeah it is," she says. 

"Chris is a fifth year," I say, "this is the third year hall."

Her eyes widen, "what do you mean?" she asks, "this is definitely Chris's locker."

"No," I say, "this is Caoimhe's locker."

Chapter Text

Monday, October 23rd

Spencer:

"No this is Chris's locker," I reiterate, because the truth that's quite literally staring me in the face is too bad to even consider. 

I knew Chris wouldn't be in school today, so I felt no need to make the delivery before school like I usually did but I hadn't expected Rory to come back into the school after he had left. 

"Why do you keep saying that?" he asks. "What's going on Spencer?"

"Are you sure that's Caoimhe's locker?" I ask, "she didn't switch it or anything?"

"No, I was talking to her here this morning," he says and to prove it undoes her lock combination, opening it, "she...she usually has photos hung up, but this is hers, see," he picks up a textbook and reveals it's for year three, with her name written on the inside page. 

The locker was always barren save for a few textbooks on the top shelf that I've never bothered to look at before. 

I grab the bag out of my blazer pocket and open it, which I had never bothered to before, not really too concerned with whatever shit Chris was hooked on, but as I pull out a package, labelled Adderdoll, my stomach drops. 

"What the hell is that?" he asks. 

"I was supposed to put this in that locker," I say. 

He looks from the label back to his sister's locker, "you're selling Caoimhe drugs?" he asks in shock. 

"No, no, this is for Chris," I say.

"Why would Chris get adderoll?" he says, "it's Caoimhe's, I fucking know it."

"I just..."

"Explain fucking now Holland," he demands and I know that I need to tell him the truth or he will never ever trust me again. And so I do. 

"Rory, let me explain please, and just... keep an open mind," I say, swallowing. 

He's biting his lip so hard I'm surprised he's not bleeding yet, but he nods. 

"When I sold the drugs, well when Cole sold the drugs to your team-"

"Wait Cole?"

"Oh yeah, um, it was Cole, I've just been covering for him, so he doesn't go to prison," I say. 

"So Cole called the Gardai?"

"No let me finish the story," I say, "Cole sold the drugs to Chris, who called the Gardai to mess with you Kier and Quinn."

"That asshole," he curses. 

"Yeah, and then my uncle got out of prison and has been blackmailing me to make deliveries to the school, just to one locker though, just to one person, and I had to," I say, "he was going to out Cole and stop paying for my school."

Rory doesn't say anything so I continue. 

"And then Chris... after the party he must have been mad at Caoimhe, because he told me this was his locker and had me just give them to him right there," I say, "and then he told me he was the one who bought them for the team, and would tell the Gardai about Cole if I didn't go to that banquet thing with him."

It made more sense now, why Chris was trying to antagonize Caoimhe, and how it felt like the dare had to be done. Because in retrospect, I had wondered why we felt at all like we couldn't just say no. 

And maybe why it was Caoimhe who tried to get her brother to stop fighting him in the cafeteria. 

"But that would mean he got in trouble too," he points out. 

"He was going to say Cole pressured him, and all of this stuff," I say, "I was so fucking scared so... I just went with him, and when he sits me with at lunch and does assholish stuff I just take it, because he's a loose canon and severely unhinged."

"Yeah..." he says. 

"But I... I swear he told me this was his locker," I say, "if I knew it was Caoimhe, I would never."

"You said Shane was blackmailing you to deal, so did you not before?"

"No," I say, "my brothers have a deal for me not to be involved at all, and Charlie found out a while ago, it was the day I kind of had a mental breakdown in your arms, it actually had happened that morning."

"Oh."

"And I haven't done it since," I say, "this was one last one to put the Cole thing to rest."

"How would my sister even know Shane Holland?" he asks. 

"It sounded like Shane only dealt with Chris, so it must be through him," I suggest. 

"Caoimhe hates Chris," he says. 

"Look," I say, "drugs make people crazy, they'll do anything to get their hands on them."

"Caoimhe's not some tweaker," Rory argues. 

"I know, I know," I say, "it's just...it's not her, that's doing this."

"I thought we'd put all of this behind us," he says, breathing hard, but I've been around panic attacks and it's not at that stage. 

"I'm so sorry Rory," I say, "If I had known...I'm just so fucking sorry."

He looks down, breathing hard, "how many times did you make 'deliveries'?"

"Rory...it might make you feel better if you don't know..." I try. 

"Tell me," he implores.

"Two or three times a week," I admit. 

"Jesus," he says. 

"I get it, if you hate me," I say, "I'm so sorry."

"No," he says, "I don't hate you, I hate Chris, he's...he's arranged this for her, he... I should've hit him fucking harder."

He pulls out of his phone, pressing some buttons, "hey Con," his voice is tense and I think he's just trying to pull it together right now, "is Caoimhe home right now?" he runs his hands through his hair, "I just really need to talk to her," he implores, "okay thanks."

He ends the call and turns to me, "she's at a dress rehearsal, and Eoin and Maeve are with her."

"Okay..."

"I'm going there," he announces. 

"Should you maybe you know wait until she comes home," I suggest, "you can talk to your parents and maybe come up with a plan..."

"No I," he runs his hands through his hair, "I should just go talk to her right now."

"Okay if you think that's best," I say, "I um... I'll give this back to my uncle," I gesture to the pills. 

"Uh," he falters a little, "could you come with me?"

"Oh," I say, "yeah sure, if you think that's a good idea."

"I just..." he looks down, "if you don't want to, don't worry about it," he says, "just forget it..."

I realize he's the one breaking down right now. Just in Rory fashion of shutting down and clenching his jaw. Rather than my new ammo of crying and breaking down. I had had it both ways, but I wasn't sure which was easier. 

Crying made me feel weak, but it at least felt like a release. Bottling it all up felt like I was taking my pain and creating a shield. 

And the last time I broke down, he helped me. 

"No, I do," I say, "I'd love to help."

He smiles, looking a little relieved, "thanks."

Chapter Text

Tuesday, October 23rd

Rory:

I didn't even know what to feel right now. I had felt so fucking helpless last year watching my baby sister go through withdrawals. Destroying her body for ballet. I understand what it's like to have a passion like that, and be so set on it that it's like nothing else matters. 

But I didn't want that for her, and I couldn't sit back and let it happen. 

I don't really know why I asked Spencer to come with me exactly, but in the moment I just knew I didn't want to be alone. I couldn't do it alone again. I mean, I had my family but they were, with good reason so focused on Caoimhe that I felt like I was drowning with my hands cut off, not able to do anything but accept it. 

And Spencer, she was even. She was strong and I just knew she'd know what to do. That it wouldn't scare her. 

My mind was also racing with everything she had revealed to me. 

I should've guessed it was Chris who was the one to rat us out, and cause all those issues, I felt stupid for not seeing it. And to find out Spencer had never even sold the drugs in the first place, was a shock, but I had already forgiven her for that. Not that she really needed my forgiveness. 

I couldn't bring myself to be upset with her over selling the drugs to Caoimhe, because she clearly had no idea who it was for. And if it hadn't been her it would be someone else. And someone else could have meant the chance that the information got out to the public, which would make everything worse. 

Across the console, Spencer reached for my hand squeezing it. 

"Thanks," I say, "for coming."

"Of course," she says. Although it really wasn't 'of course.' She had every reason not to come with me, or speak with me but she was here. 

"So do you think we should call your parents first?" she asks, a few minutes later.

"My Da's already there," I say, "and I think my Mam's in surgery this afternoon."

"Jesus, is she okay?" she asks. 

"Oh, yeah she's a vet," I assure her, "she'll be performing it on a cat I think."

"Oh," she says relaxing, "that makes mores sense."

We get to the auditorium a few minutes later, and walk in, not bothering to sign in despite the volunteers telling us we're supposed to. 

Spencer's texting Eoin and we meet them in some hallway. 

"Hey," he greets, Maeve beside him, a series of star fish drawn on her exposed arm, I'm assuming courtesy of Eoin's boredom, "why'd you guys need to talk to Keev?"

"Did she ever ask you for more of your medication?" I ask. 

He shakes his head concern growing, "no, why?"

"I've kind of been unknowingly dealing it to her for the last month," Spencer admits. 

Eoin looks distraught, and Maeve's face falls. 

"She never..." Eoin starts, "she never said anything, I... are you sure?"

"Yeah," I say, and Spencer holds up the package showing them the label.

"Fuck," Eoin says looking down, "she's been normal though-"

"Remember the week after that party?" Maeve says, pulling out her phone and typing something out, "she was super weird." And Eoin nods recalling her behaviour. 

"Yeah," Spencer says, "Chris took it from her then."

"Wait," Eoin stops, "so Rory knows everything?"

Spencer nods, "yeah, I told him."

"Thank god," he throws his head back, "I've been going bloody crazy."

I snap my fingers at him, "problem at hand Gibson."

"Yeah um," he says checking his phone for the time, "she's on stage for the next fifteen minutes, and then she's done for the night."

"Where's my Da?" I ask. 

"I think he's in the parking lot," Maeve says still frantically texting away.

"What are you doing?" I ask her. 

"Asking Ryder to come," she says. 

"Why?" I ask, "we don't need him here."

"Yeah we do," Maeve says, oddly confident, and then reads from her phone, "he just drove to his violin practice, so he'll be here soon."

"Okay," I say, not understanding the need for Ryder's presence but these are Caoimhe's friends, "I'll call my Da in."

I was dreading that, I knew it was even harder on him than me watching this happen to his little girl. My Da and Caoimhe had always had a special relationship, we always joked that Keev could do no wrong in her father's eyes. She was his little princess. But since last Spring, their relationship's been strained. 

I know it's common for fathers to lose their relationship with their daughters when they enter their teen years but it was more than that. I think he saw too much of his more toxic behaviours from him at her age, and she couldn't understand what it was like watching your child put herself through things like this. 

I never said anything, but one night when Caoimhe was really sick, one of the worst days, I heard my Mam crying in her room and I was about to go in there to comfort her, or maybe cry with her. But when I opened up the door a sliver, I saw my Da hug her, as tears fell from his own eyes. It killed me knowing my parents were breaking just as much as me. 

I hated that I had to be the one to tell him. 

"Are we sure it's the best idea to do this here?" Spencer asks, "would it be better at your guys' house?"

Eoin answers, "no she's weirdly calm after she performs, this is the best time."

She nods, "okay, you guys know best."

"Yeah, if we do this wrong, she'll go full black swan," Eoin warns. 

I kick his shin, "don't say that."

"It was a joke," he says, "some people deal with difficult situations in different ways."

"And your coping mechanism is to compare my baby sister to a fictional character that essentially kills herself?" I snap.

Eoin's face pales, "sorry."

I run a hand over my face, "it's fine, I'm just..." I trail off, and text my Da to come meet us. I turn to Spencer, "hey do you want to go with Eoin and Maeve," I say, "just so I can talk with..."

"Yeah of course," she says, placing a kiss to my cheek, and walking over to them. 

"Hey Ror," he says, "what are you guys doing here?"

"Uh, you want to sit down?" I ask, gesturing to the chairs that line the hallway.

"You're scaring me," he chuckles.

"It's nothing too bad," I say, and it kind of was, but it wasn't like someone had died or anything. 

"Okay..." he says and sits down beside me. 

"Uh, Caoimhe, she's been using again," I say, not wanting to beat around the issue. 

His eyes widen, "are you sure?"

"Yeah, we um, we think or know I guess, that Chris was arranging for them to be dropped off in her locker," I say. 

He leans back, "how long?"

"We know for about a month, but it could've been longer, we aren't really sure, we haven't talked to her yet."

He drops his head in his hands, "I thought she was getting better, I mean... she's not even in the dance, what could she possibly need it for?"

"I don't know," I say, "I should've caught it sooner."

"No, I should've," he says, a look of dread forming in his eyes,"I thought she was just still mad about the summer, and that's why she was freezing me out."

"It's not your fault," I say, "she'll come back to you, Da."

He nods, "this is going to kill your mother."

"She's coming," Eoin says, and they hang back, so my Da and I can talk to her alone. 

She walks up to us, holding her pointe shoes, her tights rolled up around her ankles. Her feet are red with a few bandaids and bruised toenails. It looks painful as hell, I don't even know how she walks, or finds the motivation to keep putting those torture contraptions back on her feet. 

"Is everything okay?" she asks, "did something happen?"

"Everyone's fine," I say, and she nods smiling. 

"What are you doing here then?" she asks, setting her shoes on one of the empty chairs and running her hands over her black leotard. 

"We..." my Da starts but trails off. 

"I ran into Spencer, while she was at your locker," I say, and her eyes widen. 

"What are you talking about?" she asks, her breathing picking up. 

"She didn't know it way yours," I say, "but... it's okay, Keev we can help you."

"You don't know what you're talking about," she says, "I stopped last Spring, you all saw me stop."

"Keev," I say, "I saw the pills." Plus, just her knowing what I was talking about after only mentioning her locker was damning enough. 

Her face contorts in pain, and she starts breathing hard, and my heart breaks seeing her like this. 

Our Da walks closer to her, to wrap his arms around her, but she slips out of his hold, "please I can't," she spits out, "don't touch me, I can't... I can't breathe."

My Da drops his hands and nods but I can tell he feels helpless as well. 

Spencer walks over then and hands her a water, which she takes but doesn't open. 

"Do you want to sit down Caoimhe?" she asks, and she sits but is still shaking and she looks at me in concern. 

Spencer walks closer to me, whispering, "when Cole has panic attacks, I usually just distract him until it goes away."

I nod, noting in my mind to ask her more about that, "Keev," I start, "how was rehearsal?"

"It was..." she starts but stops looking down, shaking badly, "please just don't..." she sobs, "don't talk please."

"Okay," I say, and sit back down in my seat, figuring we just have to wait this out. 

I feel helpless watching Caoimhe, her breathing is erratic, her face is contorted in pain. And I don't know what to do to make her feel better, to make this go away.

I lean over to Eoin who's watching her and now sitting beside me, looking equally as frustrated and helpless.

Spencer had gone to the dressing room to grab her bag. 

"I wish I knew how to help her," he says.

My first instinct is to wrap my arms around her, shield her from the world, but I know her well enough to know that the last thing she wants is someone to touch her. I can tell it's effecting our father in the same way, his hands shake with inaction.

"Me too," I say honestly.

Maeve sits beside her now typing on her phone anxiously, and all of our heads turning when we hear a voice, that I genuinely can't remember sounding anything but calm and collected.

"Where is Caoimhe?" he demands, "Kavanagh, now."

The volunteer seems to cower from the fourteen year old and points to where we're sitting, and he comes running, kneeling down to where Caoimhe's sitting.

"Keev," he whispers, and I'm about to warn him from touching her, but she stands up and falls right into his arms.

"Ry-"her voice shakes, and she presses herself into him, shaking. Settling only as his hands move into the strands of her hair, holding her securely. He lifts her so she's standing on top of his shoes.

I find myself looking away, feeling like I was looking in on a private intimate moment. My eyes lock on my father and we both give each other a look, like we know we should stop this, but neither of us want Caoimhe to return to her earlier state.

Maeve and Eoin walk to the end of the hall, whispering and I get up to walk over to my dad, starting to walk, not far, just not looking at them.

"I really want to rip that Feely kid off of her right now," my dad whispers.

"Me too."

"But I'm also grateful she's breathing again."

I look back at the pair, her head is tucked into his chest, speaking lightly to her as her shoulders drop, finally relaxing.

I turn back to my father, "that kid is too fucking close."

"Feely was trouble too at that age," he says referring to Ryder's dad.

"I really wish he got more of Katie in him," I say.

"No he does," he says running his fingers through his hair, "I remember, this one time...Pat got knocked out on the field, and she was there helping him...or another time when we were even younger than them and he was off his mind drunk and Katie and I carried him to his Mam's car, and she sang to him," he recounts fondly. 

"What are we going to do?" I ask. 

"We'll just... do what we did last time, and we'll put her back in therapy, and... fucking pray it works this time."

"How is that good enough?" I ask, "hoping it works?"

He bites the inside of his cheek, "Addiction isn't just cured Ror, it's a lifetime thing."

"So she'll have to struggle forever?" I ask. 

"I hope not," he says, a tear falling from his eye, "but even if she does, we'll just be there for her, she'll never ever be alone."

I nod, pushing down my own tears. 

"I like your girlfriend by the way," he says, bringing the mood up, "she was really good with Caoimhe."

"She's not my girlfriend," I say. 

"So you just bring casual flings to your siblings' interventions?" he asks, and it feels wrong to joke about, but it's deeply fucking funny. 

"I didn't say it was casual, we're just...I don't know, it's complicated."

"Ah," he says, "I remember complicated."

I laugh, "I don't even know...she's just...kind of perfect but also like she should probably hate me."

He nods chuckling, "well she's here, so that's something."

"Yeah," I say sarcastically, "because we were in detention, and then I caught her selling drugs to my sister, because she was being blackmailed by the guy I fought and who is the reason we were in detention in the first place," I then add, "that's definitely something."

Chapter Text

Friday, October 25th

Spencer:

It had been a couple days since I went with Rory to Caoimhe's rehearsal to confront her, and he had stayed home with her until today. I didn't want to pry too much, but you could tell everyone in their family was concerned. 

Eoin and Maeve were distracted at work, Erin and Addie kept to themselves, Quinn and Kieran seemed to be elsewhere despite being physically present, and Rory, Connor, and Ryder weren't at school. 

Chris was back at school too, but he was definitely lurking in the shadows, thankfully not bothering any of us. Even though I came clean to Rory about mine and Chris's involvement with everyone, he could still go to the gardai about Cole. So unless that plan that Rory's father and my brothers were working on panned out I would still have to worry about that asshole. 

Speaking of, Chris might not be in school but his younger brothers are and one of the twins is currently approaching me. They're not identical but they look pretty similar and I rack my brain trying to remember which one the nice one looks like. 

"Hi," he bites out, and I close my locker, and turn to him. 

"Are you the asshole one or the nice one?" I ask. 

A smile pulls at his lips, "the asshole one."

"Ah, nice to see you Cillian," I say, not quite sure where this interaction is going to go. "What can I do for you?"

"Yeah , um nothing for me, I just wanted to say sorry," he says. 

"For what?" I ask, wondering if this was a preemptive apology for something he was planning. 

"For," he bites his lips, "my brother Chris, I don't know really exactly what happened but I heard that he..." he looks around, "he hurt you."

"Yeah," I say. 

"That... I'm just really sorry that he did that to you," he says, "I didn't think that he would ever do something like that."

"It's not your fault," I say, and I don't really know why I'm trying to make him feel better when he's a total asshole to Maeve and Eoin. Especially Eoin. "Rory kind of got him for it though."

"Yeah," he agrees. 

"I saw you in the crowd," I say, "you didn't help your brother, I wondered why."

"I heard what Rory said and then I saw your face and it was exactly like Kieran," he says, speaking quickly like he was reliving the memory. 

"Like Kieran?" I ask, "what do you mean?"

His face drops, "I didn't mean anything-"

"Does Kieran hit-"

"No," he cuts me off, clearly trying to back track, but for some reason he tells me what he means, "fuck, don't tell anyone this but when we were younger my Mam, that's what she would do, when she got mad at Kieran she would slap him, and it would always leave a mark like that. Worse when she wore her rings."

"Jesus," I say, "I didn't know that."

"Please don't mention it to him," he says, "it's been years since they've even been in a room alone so it's over, just... I don't know it reminded of that, and I couldn't defend someone who acted like her."

"Okay," I say a little in shock, "is she like that to you?"

"No," he says, "she's just really hard on Kieran."

"Oh," I say, "well thanks for the apology, but I don't forgive Chris."

"That wasn't my intention," he says, "I just thought someone should say sorry."

I nod and he leaves me, and I think seeing that would have had to really shake him up, to the point of seeking me out, and even confiding in me because from what I knew of his reputation, he wasn't exactly one for apologies. 

It also makes me rethink a lot of the things I know about Kieran. I knew he didn't get along with his Mam, but this was next level. I wondered if Eve knew. But it also wasn't really my place to tell her. 

"Why were you just talking to Cillian?" I hear, and turn to see Rory, clad in his Tommen uniform, blazer crisp and tie neatly done up. 

"He wanted to apologize," I say. 

"Oh," he says, "maybe it was Cian with a Cillian wig."

I laugh, "yeah maybe," and then turn to him, "how have you been?"

"Fine," he says, "I mean not really fine, but it'll be alright."

"How's your family?" I ask.

He gives me a sad smile, "Keev's doing better, but my Mam's taking it really hard this time," he says, "it's hard seeing her break apart like this."

"Yeah," I say, "that must be hard."

"I think she just remembers what it was like with her older brother," he says, and then explains, "my uncle used to have drug problems, before AJ was born, and it was really hard on my mother."

Something clicks in my mind, "was my uncle his dealer?" I ask. 

"Yeah," he breathes out. 

"That's why you warned Erin about giving AJ my brother's number?" I ask. 

"Yeah sorry," he says. 

"No I get it," I say, "Shane's definitely broken up a lot of families."

"My Mam will be okay though," he says, "she's strong."

"That's good," I say, I had never really met his mother. At the party I kind of avoided Rory's parents and when we were in the office for Rory and Chris's fight at the send Shannon came up to me, presumably to talk but I bailed before she could really say anything. I felt a little bad, but I wasn't exactly in the mental space to deal with anything at that time. 

"What was your Mam like?" Rory asks, throwing me right off. 

"Oh," I say, "she was really great, I mean she had her flaws and quirks and stuff, but she was a really good mother."

"Quirks?"

"I just mean, she loved us to death, but she hated the situation we were in, my parents got pregnant and married in high school, and she wanted to leave Ballylaggin, wanted my dad to get away from Shane, his brother."

"But he couldn't?"

"Yeah I guess," I say, "I was pretty young when all of this arguments occurred, but she just always wanted more for us I guess, and my Da was kind of stuck where he was."

He nods, "I think all parents want for their kids to be better than them."

"Yeah," I agree, "actually when they uh...before they passed they were driving Charlie to University of Cork, he had gotten early acceptance into their English program and they met with his advisor and took a tour and everything, she was so happy Charlie was getting out of here."

"Was it that day?" Rory asks. The day they died. 

"Yeah," I say sadly, but I've cried enough tears about it, so I can talk about it. "Their car wrecked on the way back, but I think it was nice that in their minds Charlie had his whole future ahead of him."

"But he never went to College," Rory points out. 

"No he didn't," I say, "he took care of Cole and I."

"So your Mam..."

"Would be disappointed in all of us I suppose, but she would... she would still love us, you know?"

"Yeah," he says, and then out of the blue asks, "do you have any plans for halloween?"

"No," I say. "Why?"

"There's a party, I thought maybe you might like to go with me," he says, looking oddly nervous.

"Um yeah," I say, "sure, that would be good."

He nods, "good."

Chapter Text

Friday, October 31st

Spencer:

"Come on Eve you have to come," I sign, as she lays on her bed, in her ridiculously nice bedroom.  I mean like young girls around the world dream of having her room level of nice room. I try not to stare with my mouth open, but it's hard not to. I almost feel embarrassed for her having been to my place considering my whole apartment could fit like twenty times into her massive house. 

I knew she was rich, but I didn't know she was this rich. 

"I don't like parties," she replies. 

"You went to Eoin's," I point out. 

"That was different," she says, "it was a family party, this is a school party."

"We'll be with you the entire time," Juliet says, "you'll have fun."

"Crowds can be difficult," she points out, "and add drunk people to this crowds, it'll be bad."

"I promise it'll be okay," I reassure, "and if it isn't we can go home whenever you want."

Eve looks conflicted, "fine, but just a warning you won't have as much fun with me there."

"Are you kidding? we want you there," I say, and she smiles, and we all get in our costumes, made by Juliet. 

We were all going as fairies, which was very out of my comfort zone, I was more of a throw on a mask type of halloween girl, but Juliet had been really excited about her idea. 

And she had spent all afternoon doing our makeup and hair. 

I was the green fairy, so a dress with earth tones, mossy green coloured wings, a bronze crown and matching makeup. 

Eve was of course the pink fairy, pink dress, pink wings, and sparkly pink makeup, with a matching tiara. 

And Juliet was the fairy of death as she says, with a black dress, black wings, a black crown with blood red jewels and dark gothic style makeup. 

"We look really cool," Jules says, and although I feel entirely not like myself and would have never chosen this outfit in a million years, I can agree that we do look good. 

Eve's mother takes photos for us, and I think she might be one of the sweetest people I've ever met. 

Juliet drives us and walking into the party is a little unnerving. It wasn't my first Tommen party, but still. Especially because I felt a little vulnerable dressed like this. Thankfully from one look at the sea of moving bodies, most people are in costume, and most girls are in dresses so I don't stick out too much. 

"I'm going to go to the bathroom," Eve says. 

"I'll come with you," I respond.

"It's fine, it'll be like exposure therapy," she says. 

"Okay, just text me if you can't find us," I say, and she nods, and Jules I go off in search of a drink.

We find some type of punch, and stand around the kitchen so Eve can see us when she comes back, and we accidentally eavesdrop on a conversation from some of the younger Tommen girls, and Juliet and I can't help but silently laugh. 

"No way the rugby lads are the hottest, I mean Quinn, Rory, and Kieran are fucking wet dreams," the mystery girl says. "Why the hell do you think I go to all of those bloody matches girls? It's like live porn."

"No, no, no, hurlers are where it's at," another girl chirps in, "three words ladies," she says, "Connor. Joseph. Kavanagh."

"Good god," yet another girls agrees, "I'd climb him like a tree."

Jules and I shudder from laughing, but we keep our composure, pretending like we're not listening. 

"No you're all wrong," another one declares and I'm beginning to wonder just how many people we're eavesdropping on. "Those artist boys are where it's at, have you seen them tonight?"

"Who?"

"Ryder and Eoin," the girl sighs contentedly, "did you see their costumes, and you know they're both good with their fingers."

I can't help but laugh, and thankfully they can't hear it.

"Well Eoin's gay and I think Ryder and Caoimhe are like betrothed or something," one of them responds. 

"Ah," one of the to girls says sadly, "an angel cries every time I'm reminded that Eoin Gibson isn't straight."

"What?"

"Realistically how many people change back?" she asks and I shake my head in disbelief.

"What do you mean change back? He was born that way," another one defends, and I can't keep the voices straight.

"You know," the wannabe converter says, "like...do you think he'd-"

"He's not changing for you babe," she says, resulting in Jules and I to fully break out into laughter and quickly walk away to avoid them realizing we had been listening to their riveting conversation. 

Properly gossiped up Jules and I walk back to find Eve and we run right into the artists in question, and they do look good.

They're both in all black outfits not looking too out of the ordinary, but their face paint is what's causing the Tommen female population to go a little crazy. Eoin's clearly painted intricate skeleton patterns, making them look like Evan Peterson from American Horror Story, and let's be honest, everyone was into that look

They looked older, more menacing which wasn't something I generally associated with Eoin, but they even seemed taller, and cooler. I felt like someone should be taking photos of them for a magazine, they were matching but Eoin with his blonde hair and Grey eyes and Ryder with dark hair and green eyes they contrasted each other in a nice way.

I walked over, "you guys look good."

"Thank you," Ryder responds.

"Yeah, some girl over there was asking her friends if they thought she'd be able to make Eoin straight," Jules says.

Eoin laughs, "it must be the face paint."

"Yeah it looks really cool," I say, "did it take a long time?"

"Thanks, uh, not too long, Ry can stay freakishly still, unlike Quinn," he says, "I swear it took double the amount of time to do Quinn's and his is way simpler."

"Sounds like him," Jules comments, searching the crowd, clearly looking for him.

"I'm going to go find Caoimhe," Ryder announces and leaves before we can say goodbye.

"That's fun, you two matching," I point out.

Eoin chuckles, "we always match on halloween."

"Why?"

"Our parents did it when we were born, and Ryder loves a good routine," he says, "I don't mind, he usually lets me have creative control."

"That's..fun," I say.

"Two years ago, Maeve wanted us four to go as power rangers, and was brutally shot down," he says laughing.

"Caoimhe doesn't want to do like a couples costume with him?" Jules asks.

"No," Eoin says, "they're not a couple."

"Why the hell not?" Juliet asks, and gestures to them, "I mean look at them."

Caoimhe's wearing a white dress with a pretty flower crown, matching Maeve who's wearing a white dress with another flower crown.

"What are they supposed to be?" I ask.

"You know the Midommar movie?" Eoin asks, and I nod, "they're like the sacrifices, I suggested they do like fake blood and stuff but they didn't want to ruin the dresses."

"Back to my question," Jules persists, "they should just date, I mean come on."

Eoin shakes his head, and says ominously, "there's a reason they're not a couple."

"What reason?" I ask, intrigued.

"Ahh," he purses his lips, "it's...it's kind of complicated, and it's their business."

"Yeah sorry," I say, nudging Jules who clearly wants to ask more questions, but she bites her tongue and Eoin leaves to go join his friends. 

"Where do you think Eve is?" I ask. 

"You know who probably knows where Eve is?"

"Kieran," I finish for her and we both laugh, and go in search of him. 

We split up and I find Kieran standing with Quinn and Rory outside leaning against the side of the house. 

Rory had wanted to drive me to the party, so we could really go together, but I kind of chickened out and besides I did want to go with my friends. 

I've never been in a relationship, and I feel like I'm floundering a little whenever he wants to do more coupley things. It's not that I didn't want to do them, I just didn't know how. 

"You look good," he comments.

"Thanks," I say, "it was all Jules."

"Where is Julie?" Quinn asks, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. 

"She's looking for Eve," I say, "I thought you guys might know where she was."

"Is she okay?" Kieran asks. 

"Yeah, we just got separated," I say, and I text her to meet us here.

"Lad," Rory groans, "you shouldn't be smoking."

"Just let me have this Kav," Quinn complains, "let me have one vice."

"You have way more than one vice," Rory retorts, "and the academy strictly forbids smoking."

"He'll live," Kieran says, "just leave him be."

"So where's your costume?" I ask. 

"Oh," Rory says, and I have a feeling I'm not getting an answer out of Kieran who also was dressed normally. "I'm dressed as Kier."

"What?" I ask.

"See," he gestures to his black pants, and black hoodie, "all Kier, and he's dressed as me."

I look over and see Kieran's also wearing black plants but a dark green hoodie.

"You guys are such nerds," I say, "you just swapped hoodies."

"Hey, and," he gestures to his jaw, where a brown line is drawn, "his scar."

I look to Kieran, thinking about what Cillian said the other day to me. "Where'd you get that from?"

"Rugby," he says evenly, and randomly snatches Quinn's cigarette right from his mouth, throwing it to the ground, and stamping it out with his foot. 

"What the hell was that for?" Quinn demands, "I thought you said to let me live."

I look over and see Eve and Jules walking over to us and I chuckle in understanding. 

"You simp," I say, and he kind of glares at me, "you didn't want Evie inhaling second hand smoke."

Rory chuckles, "what are we? Chopped liver?"

Kieran doesn't even respond he just looks over at Eve in her costume, and Quinn is equally consumed with Jules in hers, as they reach us. 

"Hey," I greet, and Quinn is for some reason prompted to tell a story. 

"I remember the last time I saw Evelyn in a fairy costume," he says, "it ended with Kier knocking the fuck out of Chris."

"What?" Juliet asks, and Eve bites her lip, clearly reliving the memory. 

"I hit him once," Kieran says, "I didn't knock him out."

"What was it you said..." Quinn muses, "don't talk to her, don't bother her, don't look at her."

I look over at Eve who's blushing, and Kieran who looks annoyed with Quinn. 

"Let's go dance," I suggest, grabbing Eve and Juliet's hands, and I think the boys follow. I know I need to stop using the girls as a shield but it's hard to admit what I really feel, what I really want. 

Especially when he's right there, looking at me like he's ready. 

Chapter Text

Claire:

How have you been doing Shan?

Shannon:

Falling apart a little, but I'm better now.

Katie:

You're being really strong.

Shannon:

It didn't feel like it, but Caoimhe went to that halloween party today, so she must be feeling better.

Lizzie:

You let her go to the halloween party?

Shannon:

Yeah, I wasn't sure about it, but her brothers will be there and I think she just needed to get out of the house, plus Maeve and her were excited about their costumes. 

Katie:

Yeah, they looked super cute. 

Claire:

So did the boys, I love that they still match!!!

Katie:

Me too, and Eoin did an amazing job on the face paint.

Claire:

I know, I genuinely have no clue where he gets his talent from, I can barely draw a stick figure and neither can Gerard.

Shannon:

Rory and Kier were too cool for a real costume, when did they grow up so fast?

Aoife:

Not going to lie kinda of wish Addie and Erin weren't wearing costumes, I think Joey was about to burst a blood vessel when he saw what they were going out in. 

Lizzie:

Wow I have no idea where she gets it from. 

Aoife:

True. 

Leah:

So Rory didn't want to do a costume with Spencer?

Emily:

Yeah Gar said they were getting closer. 

Shannon:

I don't know, he hasn't said anything. 

Leah:

The trick is to pry. 

Lizzie:

What?

Leah:

You think I'd know half of what Asher gets up to if I wasn't doing some light stalking? 

Claire:

That seems a little intense, I mean we should trust our kids right? 

Shannon:

Yeah, I trust Rory to talk to me when he's ready

Katie:

Right but we need to keep in mind that it would probably make sense to keep track of Tadhg and Gibsie's boys, because...

Lizzie:

That's true, keep being a helicopter parent and make sure Niamh doesn't get in trouble. 

Leah:

Oh please, she's orchestrating ninety-percent of their plans. 

Shannon:

Do you think guys it think it was the right decision letting Caoimhe go to the party, I'm kind of doubting it now.

Lizzie:

Well it's too late now. 

Claire:

All her cousins and friends are there, nothing too bad can happen right?

Shannon:

Yeah, I guess, I just kind of have a bad feeling.

Chapter Text

Friday, October 31st

Rory:

"God have we become as pathetic as Kier?" Quinn asks me as I rest my head against the wall of some lad from sixth year's living room. 

"What do you mean?" I ask. 

"I mean we're just sitting here like bloody wallflowers watching our girls," he says, pointing to where Spencer, Eve, and Juliet were dancing. 

They looked great, I mean... I had never been one for princesses or fairytales but... Spencer looked unreal. 

I had kind of asked her out to this, like as a date. But she wanted to come with her friends, which I obviously understood but it kind of felt like she was avoiding me. 

I know the whole Chris situation is still very much looming over us, but I didn't know what I felt. 

"I don't think they're your girls," Kier points out. 

"Whatever, same difference," Quinn responds. "You know what? fuck this," he says and I watch as he leaves his place sitting beside me and walks right over to Jules who's swaying to the music holding one of Eve's hands and one of Spencer's forming a circle. 

He untangles her, says a few things and pulls her away to dance, and surprisingly she actually goes with him. 

"You going to ask Eve?" I ask.

Kieran looks over to me a little surprised. We teased him relentlessly for his crush, w'd been doing it for the last decade but we never actually talked about it. I would if he wanted to, but I think he would swear he didn't even have a heart to get out admitting how much he wanted his little Evie. 

He had always wanted her. I knew it from the first day I saw Eve in kindergarten. Like magnetic forces being pulled together, that was what it felt like when I saw them that day. 

But Kieran would never tell me why he didn't just pursue her when she clearly liked him too. 

"No," he bites out. 

"Why?"

"I can't," he says. 

"Kier," I say, "you can tell me."

His expression sharpens, "I'm going to get a drink."

I watch him leave, wondering if I'll ever fully understand him. 

I turn to see Spencer's looking at me and I walk over. 

"Having fun?" I ask. 

"Yeah," she says, and then surprises me, "you wanna dance?"

"Sure," I say, and Eve walks over to the kitchen, coincidentally where I knew Kier had just gone. 

The song isn't very slow, but I hold her waist with my hands, and her arms snake around my neck. 

"I'm sorry," she says exhaling. 

"Why?" I ask. 

"Because I suck at this."

"Dancing?"

"No," she shoves my shoulder, "like...romance."

"Romance?"

"You know like all of that coupley stuff freaks me out," she says, "and you're probably a pro."

"Who says I'm a pro?" I ask.

"Have you had a girlfriend?" she asks. 

"Yeah, I've had a couple," I say. None of them were serious, none of them felt to me, the way Spencer Holland did. 

"See, you're way ahead of me," she says, "I'm awkward and...I'd definitely be a bad girlfriend."

"I don't care," I say, "I don't need you to be anything else."

"A drug dealer whose life is in shambles will cut it for you then?" she asks. 

"Is that how you see yourself?" I ask frowning. 

She shrugs, and hesitantly rests her head on my shoulder, and I move closer to her, loving the way she feels against me, with me. 

We stay like that for a while, until she looks up at me, and considering her height and how she always seems so confident, I've never really seen her like this, vulnerable and trusting me with herself. 

I look at her mesmerizing green eyes, and press a kiss to her forehead. I think she laughs a little before reaching up to me and capturing my lips with hers. 

I think I can hear Quinn whistle, as we make out but I don't really care about anyone around us right now. The feel of her nails softly digging into my neck and how her back arches into me, melding to the shape of my hands against her. 

And I think I could stay like this all night, until by brother very rudely interrupts us, and I'm about to remind him of all the times I've turned the other way when I've seen his countless public displays of affection, but I'm taken back when I see his serious expression. 

"Rory," he takes in the sight of Spencer and I, "uh congrats I guess," he says. 

"What is it?" I ask. 

"It's Chris." 

I was tired of hearing that name by first class, and yet that little monster was still causing me issues. 

"Is he here?" Spencer asks, pulling away from me, but I pull her right back into me and she doesn't put up a fight. 

"No," he says, and then Spencer stiffens and her phone starts vibrating, and much to my dismay she untangles herself from me and walks away. I can still see her but I can't hear her. 

"What'd he do then?" I ask. 

"He came clean to the police about a bunch of stuff," he says. 

"What do you mean?" I ask, "is Cole okay?"

"Cole?"

"Spencer's brother."

"Uh, I didn't hear anything about him, but it sounded like he may have told on Caoimhe."

My heart sinks. 

"What do you mean?" I ask, my heart rate rising.

Eoin walks over then, "lads we have to go, have you seen Keev and Maeve?"

"What do you know?" I ask, because why did Connor and Eoin know this before me?

"Know what?" he asks, "I just heard the gardai were coming, and Ryder and I can't find the girls."

"Fuck," Connor says, "do you think they're coming to arrest her?"

"Would they even do that?" I ask, "it seems a little extreme to come to a party to arrest a teenager for buying drugs that you can just get a prescription for." 

"Fuck if I know," Connor says, "but we should get out of here anyway."

I release a breath when I see Ryder walking in between Maeve and Caoimhe walking towards us, and Spencer walks over, the rest of our group gathering around about to make arrangements as to who's driving who. Spencer however is calm, sort of quiet and I don't know what to think of it. 

"Fuck, cops are here," someone shouts and we're about to scramble, but they're already walking through the door and we all kind of stand still in fear, and I think I'm about to watch my fourteen year old sister cuffed and booked. My breath hitching as I see the group of gardai walking through the front door. 

"We got a noise complaint," one of the officers says, and I heave a sigh of relief, but Ryder tightens his arm around Caoimhe, and I remember my uncle Ollie, saying that the gardai will do this sometimes, getting a tip about an individual and using a more vague crime to get access to them. 

I also remember that in cases of drug use, minors can and will be arrested just like any other adult, and their treatment will only change once they get to station. 

They eye our group and I step more in front of Caoimhe. It wasn't like I was going to get in the way of an officer of the law, but I couldn't help it I had to do something. 

I think I can hear my sister's soft cries and my heart breaks for her. I didn't want my parents seeing their baby in a jail cell. 

The group of them walk over to us, and I feel fucking helpless. 

She should be running, but if they have her name, it doesn't really matter. I tell myself that she'll be out in no time and everything will be cleared up. 

That is until one of the officers steps forward, handcuffs in his left hand, a stern look on his face, his thick moustache moving as he says the words...

"Spencer Holland, you are under arrest for the possession of drugs."

My eyes shoot to her in shock, and I expect her to look shocked, horrified, desperate, but she looks resigned. She gives me a sad smile, and walks to the man, who puts the cuffs around her unshaken hands, and walks her out. 

The previously hectic crowd stands in silence as we watch her walk with the officer, his hand roughly holding onto her arm guiding her out of the house. 

The remaining officers continue to break up the party asking about underage drinking and consequentially kids start running around trying to leave or hide, including my friends and family, but I just stand there, unmoving. 

Chapter Text

Johnny added Charlie Holland to the Group Chat

Charlie:

 What is this?

Gibsie: 

An honour to be apart of that's what it is. 

Charlie left the Group Chat

Johnny added Charlie to the Group Chat

Gibsie:

It's the highly exclusive groupchat of all the fathers of our children. 

Charlie:

Of every child ever?

Gibsie:

Don't get smart with me. 

Charlie:

Last time I checked I wasn't a father. 

Johnny:

You are a legal guardian though. 

Charlie:

What is this about?

Johnny:

Your sister's in trouble. 

Charlie:

I know, I'm on my way to the gardai station right now. 

Will:

You shouldn't text while you drive lad. 

Charlie:

My brother's driving. 

Hugh:

Do you have a plan?

Charlie:

Sorry, but I don't know any of you, what is the meaning of this?

Johnny:

My father's on his way to help, and we're going to just move up what we've been talking about. 

Charlie:

It's not ready. 

Johnny:

Well do you want Spencer in juvy?

Charlie:

Why are you even helping me?

Gibsie:

It's kind of what we do. 

Charlie:

Bulldoze your way into people's problems?

Patrick:

That's exactly what Johnny does. 

Tadhg:

Couldn't have said it better myself. 

Joey:

Is she guilty of it?

Charlie:

Not of this particular crime.

Joey:

Why's she in trouble then?

Charlie:

My sister's a very selfless person. 

Charlie:

And she's smart, so if she had committed it, she wouldn't have gotten bloody caught. 

Johnny:

What are you saying then?

Charlie:

She would've been better off if she'd never met all of your kids. 

Charlie left the Group Chat

Chapter Text

Friday, October 31st

Spencer:

"They broke my wings," I say, teary eyed through literal metal bars looking at my brothers.

"What?" Cole asks me, confused at the first words I've said since Charlie and him have arrived at the holding cell where I currently am. Apparently because I'm a minor, they can't put me in the regular one with other people. Which considering it's halloween night, the gardai station is pretty busy.

I sob, "they didn't fit in the car, I couldn't sit down with my costume," I explain, "and so they ripped them right off."

"Okay Spence," Cole says, "we'll get you new ones once you're out of here."

"No, no, no," I say, shaking my head, "Juliet painted on them, they were one of a kind."

"Right," Charlie says dismissively, "what were you thinking?"

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You weren't raised by Hollands just to get caught for drug possession," he says matter-of-factly.

"Maybe I'm the bad seed of the family," I say, fully giving into my toddler level tantrum at this point.

"You're covering for someone," he says, "who is it?"

I was covering for someone. I was covering for Caoimhe Kavanagh.

A girl who was born with everything. Amazing parents, loving siblings, more money than I'd know what to do with, great friends, real talent, and passion for what she does. And yet it's not enough.

But through all of those things, she didn't have something I possessed in spades. I had nothing left to lose. I didn't have a future like she did. If I did this, it would just be another Holland to end up in prison. Another Holland to lose themselves to drugs. It wasn't news, because it was expected.

But greatness was expected from little Caoimhe Marie Kavanagh and who was I to stand in her way?

Chris called me, and told me I could either take the fall, and go with the blatant lie he told the Gardai about buying the drugs from Shane for me. Or I could admit that I was being blackmailed by Chris and had been in fact delivering them to Caoimhe.

It should have been a more difficult choice. Ruining my future and saving a girl who I didn't even know that well, or saving myself and watching as she lost herself.

My punishment would be more extreme of course considering of my prior crime, and my last name.

I should have taken more than twenty seconds to think it over. To consider for once thinking of myself, but what was the point?

I'd probably end up here eventually. As much as I've tried to pull myself out of the world I was born into the deeper I did the hole. I'm stuck, I'm drowning, I'm suffocating. So what reason did I have to be selfish?

I smile sadly, "maybe she'll give me some free ballet tickets."

"What?" Cole asks, "have you gone completely crazy?"

"Miss Holland is getting brought in for questioning," an officer announces.

"As a minor," Charlie says, "she's legally allowed to have an adult with her."

He nods and Charlie and I walk to the room, and it's exactly like how they have it in the movies, the lone table, the dark colours, the two way mirror.

I sit in the chair, grateful they let me take off the handcuffs and I sit beside Charlie as we wait for the officer to join us.

"It would be helpful if you told me who you were helping," he says.

I look down, "it won't change anything."

Charlie slams his hand down on the table and I'm shocked by the action, "Spencer you cannot be so self sacrificing."

"I-"

"I'm guessing you've thrown your life away for some privileged Tommen kid who wouldn't think twice about blaming it all on you," he says, "and it's not even because you think you don't have potential, or because you think they deserve a better life than you."

I just stare at him.

"It's because you're terrified," he says, "and you know I fucking know how that feels."

"Charlie-"

"All I've ever wanted since our parents died was for you and Cole to have good lives, to no longer need me, but the thought of it scares the shit out of me, because who am I if I'm not taking care of people, putting out fires, being relied on?"

I let the tears fall from my eyes freely, and I know I probably look ridiculous with the fairy makeup mixed with my crying but I don't even care.

"I don't even know who the hell I'd be if I was just living for myself, if I only made selfish decisions, and you're the same, but Spencer the reason you feel like you're drowning, the reason we feel like we're drowning isn't just because of the shitty situation we were born into, it's because we're too scared to get out of the fucking water."

He's right.

We can't commit to relationships, we jump to conclusions, we assume the worse, we lie to ourselves saying we're not selfish but we're using everyone around to us to mask our own unhappiness.

I rest my head on his shoulder, and whisper, "what am I going to do?"

And before he can answer, the door opens but it's not someone to interrogate me, it's a lawyer, a man I recognize from one of Rory's instagram posts. It's his grandfather.

I don't regret doing this for Caoimhe, but I do agree with Charlie, it wasn't only to do with her.

He presented all the facts to us, before the interviewer guy came in and it was pretty damning. Chris had given phone conversations, but had Caoimhe's name saved as Spencer, as well as conversations with Shane about actually buying the drugs.

If I proved that I had never sent those messages and redirected the attention to Caoimhe, it would be simpler but I just couldn't do it, also then they might also figure out that I had been the one to actually deliver the drugs.

Caoimhe really wasn't discreet, considering she had three whole people just to get her adderall. I had never tried the stuff but I couldn't imagine it was worth this much trouble.

"Who's that?" Charlie asks and I look over to where he's pointing at John Kavanagh's phone, specifically at his lock screen.

"My grandchildren, at Keev's recital," he says, smiling at the information, but I'm cringing.

"Ballet recital?" Charlie asks, putting the pieces together, turning to me, before promptly getting out of his seat, and storming away, I call after him but it's no use.

"What did I say?" John asks looking confused.

I figure I may as well tell him, because everyone's about to know, "I'm kind of covering for your granddaughter, I say cringing."

Chapter Text

Friday, October 31st

Rory:

"Hey," my cousin AJ greets, walking through the lobby of the Gardai station. 

"Hey, why'd you come?" I ask.

"Your parents called me, they wanted me to take Keev and Ryder home, and whoever else wanted rides," he explains, and I nod. 

The lobby waiting room consisted of Cole, Eve, Juliet, Kieran, Quinn, Connor, Caoimhe, Ryder, and I.

Erin and Addie drove Maeve and Eoin home despite their arguments. 

I was kind of numb to the situation, I didn't really know what to do and it wasn't like anyone would tell me what was going on. 

"Do you think she'll be alright?" I ask AJ. He was only a first year law student, but that was better than my limited knowledge. 

"Yeah," he says, "I think they've got some type of plan, Spencer will be fine."

"You sure?" I ask, and he opens his mouth but before he can reassure me, I'm abruptly cut off my Spencer's oldest brother, he pushes my shoulder, so I'm facing him. It wasn't super violent or anything, it just catches me off guard. 

"Did you put her up to this?" he demands. 

"What?" I ask. 

"To protect your sister, did you make her to do this?" Charlie accuses. 

"What are you talking about?" AJ asks, looking like he had seen a ghost looking at Charlie Holland. 

"My sister's in there, taking the blame for something," he looks around his eyes landing on Caoimhe, "that she did."

Caoimhe's eyes widen, "what?"

My heart sinks. Why would Spencer do something like that? 

The last thing I wanted was for Caoimhe to get in trouble but that wasn't Spencer's burden to carry. It wasn't even mine really, it was Caoimhe's. 

"I didn't," I say, "I would never ask her to do that."

"Did she feel pressured though," he asks, and I'm so fucking confused my head hurts, "did you make her feel like her future wasn't worth it compared to your family's?"

"No," I say, although I had done a hell of a lot complaining about what the drug scandal had done to my family, how much Caoimhe's drug problem had affected me and my family, and she knew how hard Keev works, how bright her future could be if she gets this under control. Not to mention the hit our family's reputation would take if this story got out. "I don't... I never asked her to do this, I didn't even know she had."

Charlie's jaw clenches. When I first met him, I kind of wondered if he lived up to his reputation, because he was introverted and a little nerdy, but the way he's fuming right now, and glaring into my very soul, I can see Charlie Holland, the one who took care of two kids at seventeen in an environment that would break even the strongest of people.

"My sister has a future," he says, his voice even yet strong, "she has potential, and before she met you lot and your McGarry friend, she was going to get out of here, it was always supposed to be her."

"I'm really sorry," Caoimhe says crying, leaning against Ryder, whose face is impassive but concentrated, and his arm is strewn across her. 

"You don't need to tell me sorry," Charlie says, "you need to confess."

"Wait," AJ cuts in, "that will ruin Caoimhe's life."

Charlie's head snaps to my cousin's, "and what about Spencer's life?"

"Keev's supposed to go to the Royal Ballet School in London when she graduates," Ryder points out. 

"And before last year happened, Spencer was on track to be on the Ireland Camogie team, she was scouted at her nationals," he says. "You're not anymore important than her, none of you are, even if she doesn't realize it."

She never told me that. I knew she was good, I mean Connor raved about her, but I didn't realize she was that good.

So when I was complaining for the potential of losing my spot at the academy and how I wasn't sure if I would be able to still go pro, the same thing had happened to her, except her door had been closed. 

God, I was such an asshole. And then she had to watch me get let back into the academy, let me still play on my team. I couldn't even imagine how she felt hearing that. I don't know why she never stopped me. 

She watched me win back everything she lost, and never once held it against me.

I can hear Caoimhe's soft cries and I feel so lost. I wanted to protect my family, but not at the cost of Spencer. Not when she had lost everything already. I look to her, we all do. 

"Let's just wait til Johnny and Shan get back," AJ suggests, "they should be here soon, then we can make a decision."

Charlie gives him a somewhat intense glare, and rolls his eyes, "sure," he says his tone sarcastic, and I think he's going to say something else but he just does a once over of our group, shakes his head and walks back in the same direction, this time however I follow him. 

The station is a little hectic considering it's halloween so isn't difficult to pretend like I'm supposed to be here and I slip in the room with Spencer, Charlie, and my grandfather.

"Yeah she's not confessing," Charlie says, annoyed sitting down. 

"She never said that," I point out and they all turn to me in confusion, "she obviously feels really bad."

"Not enough to admit to what she did," Charlie adds. 

"How would you feel?" I ask, "you might take a minute to think about a decision that will change your life forever."

But Spencer did it twice. Taking the blame for her brother and now my sister. I really was right when we had detention and I wrote that she was a better person than I was. 

"It's fine," Spencer says, "they might have traced it back to me anyway, I was the one putting it in her locker."

"It wasn't your responsibility to do this," I say, "you shouldn't have, it's not fair to you."

"It's fine," she says once again, "Caoimhe's got a lot more going on than me."

"That doesn't matter," I say, "it's your life, you should be the one living it."

She looks down, at her hands and the red rings around her wrist, bruises probably already forming make my stomach turn. 

"Okay," my grandfather says, staying relatively out of this conversation, and looking up from his laptop, "Charlie if Cole can send me those phone calls, we're all set."

"Set for what?" I ask. 

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Charlie asks, looking doubtful.  

"Wait what?" I say, feeling like no one was listening to me. 

Spencer stands up and walks over to me, "you can just go home, Rory."

"Wait-"

"Thanks for coming," she says, "it was nice of you."

"What are you saying right now?" I ask, "I drove you to Keev's literal ballet performance for her intervention and you want me to leave right now."

"You needed me," she says. 

"And you don't need me?" I ask.

She bites her lip, "I'll be fine."

"I'm staying," I say resolutely. 

A small smile pulls at her lips for a second, "really?"

"Of course," I say. 

"Okay," she says, and I sit down beside her in her chair, my hand finding hers and squeezing it a little. 

"Now," John says, "we're going to start from the beginning."

Chapter Text

Friday, October 31st

Rory:

"What's this from?" AJ asks, curiously looking at a framed photo in the Hollands' apartment. 

Spencer had been let out considering they couldn't hold a minor overnight, and I had come back with Spencer, Cole, and AJ to her place. AJ was my ride, and had offered to just stay in the car but Cole and Spencer insisted it was fine. The rest of our group went home. 

Charlie was still at the Gardai station. 

"What?" Cole asks, walking over to the wall of pictures, and chuckles darkly, "don't bring up the war please."

"The war?" I ask Spencer, who's sitting on the couch sort of in shock I think. She was out of her halloween costume now, and most of her makeup was wiped off. 

I walk over to see it's an image of Charlie holding some type of award looking a little awkward. 

"What did he win?" AJ asks. 

"Yes Spencey what did he win?" Cole asks jokingly. 

Spencer groans, "I was nine, you two need to give it a rest."

"What'd you do?" I ask out of curiosity. 

She sighs but at least she's distracted, "when Charlie was fifteen there was this writing competition for all of Cork, each age group had a category, and one of his teachers really wanted him to enter but he didn't want to, so..."

"So...?" AJ asks, interested in the story. 

"So I stole some of his writing and submitted under his name," she says, "I didn't really read it over and it was... kind of personal."

Cole laughs, "Char was livid."

"Well whatever because he won his category," she says, "and was even a finalist for the overall award, and there was thousands of applicants, plus it's part of the reason he got into uni so I still have no regrets about it."

"He was going to go to university?" AJ asks. 

"Yeah, before our parents passed," Cole explains, making a pot of coffee.

"He could still go," Spencer says, and then adds resolutely, "he will, one day."

Cole smiles sort of sadly, and nods, "yeah one day."

Spencer stands up and walks into her room and I follow. 

I walk over to her bed and sit beside her, "you alright?" I ask softly. 

"Yeah," she says noncommittally. 

"Are you telling me the truth?" I ask. 

She bites her lip, "I don't really know how to feel right now, to be honest."

When my father had bulldozed his way into their home last month, Spencer's brothers and him had devised a plan. 

They were sort of trapped in this life because of their uncle and the whole business, but the gardai have been trying to crack down on the whole scope of Shane's operation for years. Around the time AJ was born he was put in prison but once he got out he had rebuilt and expanded. 

Charlie and Cole knew basically everything, and where to find what they didn't.

So with the help of my grandfather and my uncle Ollie, they were going to make a deal. 

Immunity for Shane Holland's entire operation. 

It came with a lot of risks, and they really should have spent more time on it all, but with Chris meddling tonight it brought everything forward. 

This would also allow us to hang everything on Chris if we wanted. 

Which came to the next part of the deal. Chris's silence about Caoimhe for our silence about him. 

He would still get in some trouble for buying the drugs in the first place but not as much as he could have. 

By any luck Spencer's name would be cleared, and Charlie, Cole, and her would be free people. 

"I just..." she continues, "it feels like it's too good to be true, you know?" she drops her head against my shoulder, "and also, what the hell are we going to do about money now?"

"There's some empty rooms at my house," I tease.

She lightly hits me, "yeah no."

"My Mam moved in with my Da's parents."

"I have two brothers."

"She had five brothers," I argue, joking because I knew she wasn't moving in with me, not that my parents wouldn't be open to it. I mean they had taken Kieran in. But that wasn't the way Spencer did things. 

She laughs, "I'm kind of scared of your Mam."

"Why?" I can't help but laugh, "she's like the least scary person ever."

"I don't know..." she says, "she tried to talk to me that day when Chris..." when he hit her, "but I ran away, like literally grabbed Cole's keys and ran."

"Why?"

She shrugs, "I really have no clue, but I don't know if I can face her."

"I had to face your scary brothers looking like the gardai won't find my body on this side of town," I say, "you can handle my sweet mother."

"Well but-"

"You know she saved three kittens today, from being stillborn," I say chuckling, "and you're scared of that?"

"Whatever, I just I don't know mothers kind of scare me," she says. "plus, I'm not exactly the kind of girl parents want their sons to bring home."

"What do you mean?" I ask. 

"Drugs."

"My uncle was an addict," I say, "they understand."

"Well, he may have been addicted but I was delivering it to your baby sister," she says. 

"Look," I say, "if my Da didn't like you he wouldn't be fighting this hard for you and your family."

She shrugs, "still, even besides that I'm not exactly girlfriend material."

"Are you my girlfriend?" I ask, curious. 

I expect her to waiver and stumble over her words like I know I would've done, but she doesn't do any of that. 

"Of course."

I smile, "I just..you never said-" I turn back to her, "you said you weren't good at this stuff."

"I said I wasn't good at it not that I wasn't," she defends. "You think I'd let you into my room twice if we weren't dating?"

"That is a really weird standard for dating," I say, "does five times in here mean marriage?"

"I just mean... I don't do all of that... dancing around being together," she says, "so you better not be having any girls in your room."

I remember in our detention interview that she said she wanted direct and to know where she stood with people. 

"I wouldn't dare," I say. "Just you."

"I've never been in your house," she reminds me. 

"We'll have to change that," I say.

She smiles, "we'll see, Rory."

I twirl a piece of her around my finger, "I like when you call me Rory."

She smiles, "only when you're good."

I laugh, but recompose my features, "can I ask you something?"

"Yeah sure," she replies. 

"Why'd you cover for Caoimhe?" I ask. 

"I guess," she starts, "I mean...she's only fourteen and she made a stupid mistake."

I nod, wanting her to say more. 

"And...she has this whole life waiting for her..." Spencer's eyes start to tear up, but she continues, "I mean...she's getting out of Cork, and I'm not, and it's okay."

"You can though," I say, "you can do whatever you want Spence."

"I guess too...I'm kind of scared of failing, like if I don't put myself out there, then I don't have to worry about fucking everything up."

I nod, "well...you've at least gotta try."

She shrugs, "yeah, maybe none of this will work out, and I won't even have to worry about it."

"Don't think like that," I urge. 

"You're kind of sappy, you know that?" she asks. 

"Just try thinking of yourself the way you think of others," I say. 

She nods, "yeah...maybe I'll try." She perks up a little then, "was it just me or was Eve totally drunk?"

"What?" I ask, surprised. 

"She left for a few minutes before I was..." she chuckles, and I don't really know if enough time has passed to laugh about yet but here she is, "detained, and then she was totally drunk at the Gardai station."

"Hmmm," I say, "maybe, I was kind of focused."

"On me?' she teases. 

"You and stopping your brother from killing me," I say, and she laughs. 

Chapter Text

Saturday, November 19th

Rory:

"This must be like live porn for you," Quinn says, nudging me with his shoulder as we sit in the stands, watching Spencer and her team play. 

Charlie and Connor were right, she was incredible. I mean I knew she would be, but seeing it in practice just made it all more real. 

You could tell by the way her face lit up, that she was meant to play and coach. It seemed to be in her bones. 

I had never thought anyone else felt the same way I did about that feeling of getting on the field and playing and feeling completely in control. Like nothing could go wrong, as long as you worked with your team, and worked your ass off on the pitch. 

It was a great feeling, and I could see it in her eyes that she felt it. 

Quinn also wasn't wrong about how amazing she looked out there. I mean she looked hot. 

"Stop objectifying her," Juliet snaps, from her seat beside Evelyn. 

"I wasn't objectifying her," Quinn clarifies, "I was just commenting that Rory definitely was."

"Well she's my girlfriend," I say, feeling a warm sense of pride, from the words. 

"Still," Juliet says. 

"What do you mean?" Quinn asks. "He can't look at his girlfriend?"

"She's not your property," Jules says. 

"I never said she was," I say immediately, wondering how she jumped to that conclusion,"where did you get that from?"

"Whatever," she says turning her head back to the game, where the scorekeeper marks another goal for Spencer's team securing their lead. 

Evie signs something to her, and I kind of wish I knew what she was saying. Spencer had taught me a couple things, like greetings and common phrases but I felt like I was massively left out of a lot of things considering four out of the six of us spoke a whole different language. 

Although I guess that was how Evelyn felt all the time. 

Although truthfully, it was more difficult to communicate with Juliet than it was with Evie. I don't think I've ever had a proper conversation with her. Not for lack of trying, she was just always annoyed with us. Maybe it's my closeness with Quinn or maybe it's just a distaste for rugby players. 

I wanted her to like me though. She was one of Spencer's best friends, and if things went according to Quinn's wishes, she'd be in his life for a long time. 

"What are they saying?" I whisper to Kieran, who's just watching the match. He looks to where Juliet and Eve are having a full conversation in sign language. 

Kieran watches for a few seconds before looking back to the field, not saying anything. 

"Well?" I ask.

"It's a private conversation," he says still looking at the match. 

"Are they talking about us?" Quinn asks and is met with silence, "well I guess the mute mood is still in full force."

"Or maybe, he's not trying to eavesdrop," Juliet snaps, turning her head to face us, "oh and I can still hear you." 

"You hear that?" Quinn nudges Kieran, "you've done well, Jules likes you."

"I don't like him," she says, "he's just not being a complete asshole in this moment."

"Be proud Kier," Quinn says, "that's a compliment held in the highest regard in Julie's books."

"Let's just watch Spencer's match," I say trying to placate the accidentally hostile environment. 

We all turn our heads and watch the rest of the game, only speaking to cheer. And there's a hell of a lot of it considering how much they're killing it. I was super familiar with hurling and camogie because of my brother and uncles, so it was easy to get into it. 

By the time the game's wrapping up, and Spencer is winning her extremely deserved POM, player of the match and is taking a group picture with her team and their medals, we're all ready to go home. 

We wait by the exit for the change rooms, and greet Spencer and her team to congratulate them. I also meet some of her teammates, one of which I actually know, Lindsay Dempsey was my Aunt Aoife and Uncle Joey's Goddaughter and her mother Casey was AJ's Godmother. 

Walking back to the car, I wrap my arm around Spencer, and she's so tired from the match that I basically deposit her into the passenger seat, where she falls asleep instantly, up until I've dropped the others at their houses and were both walking to her apartment. 

"So what'd you think?" she asks a little groggily. 

"You were great," I say. "You are great."

"I wasn't sure how it would go, considering how long it had it been."

"You couldn't tell," I say, "you were amazing."

"Thanks," she says, leaning her head on my shoulder, "not just for the compliment, for helping me get back on the team."

"You don't need to thank me," I say, as I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, at the same time as Spencer does. 

I pull my phone out and see that Connor's texted me a couple times. 

"Is everything okay?" Spencer asks, with her phone pressed to her ear. "Oh fuck, is she okay?"

"What's wrong?" I ask, opening my texts, thinking they might be related. 

"Joan," she says, "the owner of the cafe-"

"I know who she is," I say and she smiles.

"She's okay, but she's in the hospital, Cole's with her," she says, "I should go see her."

"Do you need a spin?" I ask.

"Yeah that would be great," she says, and we turn around to walk back to the car. "What's with all the texts?" she asks me and I look to see Connor's still texting. 

I open my phone back up. 

Connor: When are you going to be home?

Connor:It's like World War three here.

Connor: Hello?

Me: What's wrong? 

Connor: Keev's been offered a spot at some fancy ballet school in England. 

Me: Mam and Da said no right.

Connor: It's complicated. 

Me: Okay, I'll be home soon. 

"Everything alright?" Spencer asks. 

"Yeah," I say, although I don't really feel that, in fact my stomach's twisting at the thought of it all.  "Just Caoimhe stuff."

"Okay," she says, "maybe we can call later tonight, and talk about it?"

"Yeah that sounds good," I say, grateful for her, "and let me know about Joan."

She smiles, "course."

Chapter Text

Saturday, December 25th ( one month later)

Spencer:

"Ah you know me so well Spencey," Cole says, taking a large bite of the cookie I had made for him. 

Every year he asked for the same thing. One batch of sugar cookies, that was only his to eat. I had also gotten him a scarf but he practically threw it to the side to get to the bakery. 

"I guess I've caught on," I say, as I run my fingers over the new cleats, my brothers got me for the holiday. They also got me a framed photo of my team's victory last month. 

"You know, me being manager and all now," Cole says, "we should change Joan's old cookies out for your recipe."

"Assistant manager," Charlie corrects, picking up wrapping paper from our small living room floor. Although, I guess it didn't really count as a living room, if it was also an office, kitchen, and Cole's bedroom when he wasn't sleeping over at a hookup's place. 

The evening after my team's victory in Dublin, was spent in the hospital waiting room. Joan, my boss for the last five years, had a heart attack. She's fine now, but she acknowledged running the cafe was too much and although she still owns it, asked Charlie and Cole if they wanted to run it from now on. 

Cole had worked there from age twelve to fifteen, and had been helping out since when needed, and they were both in need of jobs considering Shane was rightfully rotting in prison. 

"Yeah, yeah technicalities," Cole says brushing him off. 

"Okay, are we done then?" Charlie asks, avoiding the attention being on him. 

"No," I say, "we haven't given you your gift yet."

"I told you, I didn't need anything," he says. Like he does every single year. 

I grab the festively wrapped rectangular box and place it on the coffee table in front of him. 

"What is it?" he asks, suspiciously because although we always did get him gifts, it was almost always just stacks of books we'd thrifted for him. 

"Open it and I see," I say, not able to help the nervous smile forming on my face. I look to see Cole, who's also tense. 

"Okay, you two are acting weird," he says, starting to rip the paper slowly. He stops, and then looks up, "did you find this box in the bin or something?"

"Nope," I say, "all new...well used but then refurbished and now yours."

He looks at us uneasily and removes the rest of the paper, before lifting the lid off and revealing his new laptop. 

"What's it for?" he asks, because even though they had new jobs, we still were barely comfortable. 

"There's a second part of your gift," Cole says grabbing the package of papers from underneath the table, where we had hid them, and places it on top of the computer.

"What's this?" Charlie asks. 

"It's the study guide to take your leaving certs," Cole answers, "and you better start, because you're sitting for them next week."

"Why?" 

"Because," I say, "I kind of meddled, and the University of Cork, is still interested, even when I explained the whole situation."

"What are you saying right now?" he asks. 

"If you do well on your leaving certs, which we know you could do with your eyes closed, you've got a spot for this upcoming semester studying English," I say, and then nervously add, "surprise."

"I can't go back to school," he says, "we can't afford it."

"They offered your scholarship," I say, "and you can still work on weekends and evenings at the cafe."

"But-" he stops himself, clearly wanting to come up with excuses, but there was none, because Cole and I had thought of them all, and accounted for them. Because he had spent six years taking care of us, and it was time he should actually live his life. 

We owed it to him. 

And he owed it to himself, to try. 

He bites the inside of his cheek, "thank you, both of you."

"Of course," Cole says, "you deserve it."

"Yeah," I say, "just don't forget about us, when you make it big."

He looks up at me, looking uncharacteristicly vulnerable because I had spent the first ten years of my life hearing people say that to him, but ever since the accident, no one ever did. 

"Never," he says smiling sadly. 

We clean up the rest of the gifts, although there weren't too many. We were a small family, but a family nonetheless. A strong one at that. 

"Okay when are you getting back?" Cole asks. 

"I'll just meet you at Grandma's," I say, because I was going to have lunch at  the Kavanaghs and then we were going to our grandmother's care home for dinner like always. 

"I still think you're a little young to be spending Christmas at a boyfriend's," Cole refutes. 

"It's lunch," I say, "and his grandmother invited me, plus Eve and Jules both got invites, so we're exchanging our gifts too."

"Okay, okay," he says, "I'm probably just bitter, because you're leaving us."

"I'm not leaving," I say, "I'll be back."

"Oh yes," he says, "because I too would want to come back here, after spending the afternoon in a mansion with a bunch of rich people."

I roll my eyes as I zip my coat over my nice clothes. Black pants and a dark green blouse. And I can't help but smile at the fact that Rory would never in a million years try to tell me I had to wear a dress for this, unlike Chris. 

"Bye love you Cole," I say, "you too Charlie."

"He's too busy playing with his new toy," Cole says, "go have fun."

"Thanks," I say, and walk out the door. 

Chapter Text

Saturday, December 25th

Rory:

"Relax Mam," I say, "I promise she likes you."

"She always avoids me," she counters, nervously rearranging the table set up, "I feel like I've done something wrong."

"You haven't done anything wrong Shan," my Da says, "she'll warm up to us eventually."

I hear the doorbell ring and walk over to find Spencer at the door. 

My grandmother was throwing her annual Christmas luncheon for our family and friends. We did dinner separately but lunch and most of the afternoon was spent together. 

And this year, I had invited my girlfriend. Well actually Edel invited her, but I would've invited her if she hadn't. 

"Merry Christmas," she says, and we've quickly got our arms around each other and our lips pressed against each other. 

"Oh-" I hear squeaked out, and I can feel Spencer cringe. "Sorry."

I pull my face away but wrap my arm around Spencer's waist, and turn to face my mother. 

"It's okay Mam," I say, as I take in her blushing face.

"Merry Christmas Mrs.Kavanagh," Spencer says, looking almost as embarrassed. 

"Please call me Shannon," she says, smiling. 

"Okay," she responds, although I doubted she would break the habit, because she had yet to, and it had been over a month of these awkward interactions. "Um..I brought you these."

My Mam grabs the box and opens it revealing a bunch of sugar cookies, and I grin at her bringing something for my parents. 

"This is lovely, thank you," my Mam says. 

"Oh it's nothing," she dismisses, "I always make a batch for my brother, and I just doubled it."

"Well they look delicious," my Mam says and I have to agree. 

Spencer drops her head to my shoulder as my Mam walks to the kitchen with the box, "why do I mess everything up with your parents?"

"What do you mean?"

"I was fully making out with you in the doorway, at your grandparents house and your mother saw," she says. "I'm actually the worst."

"No you're not," I say, "she's just as scared of you."

"Yeah because my family-"

"No," I stop her before she spirals, "she's scared because she thinks her son's girlfriend hates her."

"I don't hate her," she defends quickly, "does she actually think that?"

"No," I say, "just try talking to her."

"Okay," she says, walking with me to where the rest of the kids were congregating. 

"What's up with you?" Spencer asks, kicking Eoin who was sitting on the ground, with his back resting against the chair Maeve and Ryder were sitting on. 

"What?" he asks, looking up from his phone.

"It's Christmas, you seem mopey," she says. 

"I'm not mopey," he defends, "just tired, Charlotte woke us up at the crack of fucking dawn for presents."

"So how did your brother like his gift?" Maeve asks, given that she was the one that helped Spencer find a used computer for Charlie. I had offered to give her my old one, but she said she wouldn't accept 'charity' whatever that meant and her and Maeve went to a couple different shops looking for the right fit. 

"Yep," Spencer says, "I think Charlie almost cried, I definitely did."

"Wait why did Charlie cry?" AJ asks, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. Maybe he had some sort of beacon device for when Spencer's eldest brother was mentioned. 

"He's going to uni in the new year," Spencer replies, "same one as you, actually, so you'll probably see him."

"Oh," AJ says, with an odd look in his eyes, "well it's a pretty big campus."

"Yeah I guess," Spencer says and turns back to Maeve, "he was totally nerding out over the computer though, you definitely chose a good one."

Maeve blushes, "thanks, it's like the one thing I actually know how to do."

"You're also good at waitressing," Spencer says. 

"And dressing super cute," Erin says sitting down beside her brother.

"And guitar," Ryder says smirking. 

Maeve gasps, "rule number fourteen: never bring up the band."

"Ah.." Eoin says reminiscently, "I miss the band, we should bring it back."

"Ugh," I hear my little sister groaning as she walks in, "do not bring up the band."

Caoimhe had been gone for the last two months, and would be returning to London in January for her ballet program. 

I was happy for how well she was doing, but it felt like a piece of the family was gone without her. 

She was supposed to be back in March, but she was also supposed to be done in December and was extending it by a couple months. 

I could tell it was hurting the whole family. I mean just the theatrics of her deciding to leave felt like an episode of a soap opera. 

I was almost bitter at how well she was doing without us. It was almost like she didn't need us. My parents called her every single day and we texted all the time but still it was hard. 

"Maybe we could do a reunion in London," Eoin muses. 

The weirdos still living in Cork, were taking a trip in January to visit Keev. It was their Christmas gift. Patrick and Katie were chaperoning and I did not envy their job. 

"Or," Maeve suggests, "we could never bring it up again."

Spencer and I start walking towards the kitchen where her two friends are sitting with my best friends, but we're intercepted by Liz and Hugh. 

"Merry Christmas," Liz says to Spencer, "how's your family doing?"

"Really great," Spencer says, "and I'm really exciting to start working next week."

Liz nods smiling, before walking with her husband to where their daughters were. Spencer was starting to work at the non-profit that Lizzie ran for at risk youth, and she was nervous as hell, but excited. 

I knew she'd do great.

"What band were they talking about?" Spencer asks.

"Oh," I say chuckling, "when they were young, they had this band called Mercury."

"Why Mercury?" she asks. 

"Because their initials Maeve Eoin Ryder Caoimhe makes MERC and then they just added the 'ury' and they would play all the time for us."

"Were they any good?" 

"Nope," I say, "I mean they weren't terrible, but overall it was just little kids fooling around, but we like to tease them about it still."

"Hm," Spencer says sitting down beside Juliet, as she turns to Quinn and Kieran, "have you two heard this Mercury band perform?"

"Ah," Quinn's eyes light up, "are they getting the band back together?"

"No," I say chuckling, "I was just telling Spence about it."

"Oh," he says disappointed, "oh I've heard them alright."

"Yeah," Kieran says, "I remember that."

"I think your brother's way cooler than you," Juliet says to Quinn. 

Quinn smirks, "speaking of little brothers, James invited me to your house to watch Star Trek, it turns out he's never seen it."

She glares and starts bickering and I listen mildly amused and barely notice when Spencer walks over to where my Mam's arranging something on the table offering to help her. 

I can't hear them, but they seem to be smiling, so it's a win in my books. 

"I have a very special announcement to make," I hear declared and look to see Will is standing grinning beside my aunt Emily who is heavily glaring. 

"William," she snaps, "I will-"

"What's your announcement?" my uncle Tadhg asks. 

"My class won officially won the canned food drive," he says, pleased with himself. 

"You didn't win that," Katie says confused, "my class won that."

"Well I beat Em, that's all that really matters," he says. 

I shake my head from laughter and my eyes instinctively go to Spencer who's already smiling at me. We just hold each other's eye contact for a moment and it feels so special, because it was her. And Spencer was without a doubt my person. 

I wasn't sure how it happened, or how she even liked me but it was true all the same.