Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Frayed threads rolled beneath a finger and thumb, his watery vision fixed on tracing the cracks patterned through a wall across from him. A trembling hand continued to fiddle with the worn and tattered blue strings of his hoodie, tugged loose from how often they got pulled. He leaned on his shoulder, trying and somewhat failing to regulate how stuttered his breathing was, and definitely NOT crying—

…

He wiped the moisture from the corner of his eyes, the damp sleeve smearing it more than anything else. Maybe.

Letting out a strained huff at the empty hallway, Caden thunked the back of his head against the cold weathered wall behind him, relishing in the dull sting that provided a momentary distraction. Gravity seemed to increase tenfold on his shoulders, now that he was physically alone and away from the invasive stares. He slid dejectedly down the gritty surface to sit, legs finally giving out from beneath him now that the adrenaline had subsided, uncaring of how filthy it would make his clothes.

Without looking, he reached his left hand out across the floor and sluggishly scooped up some of the loose pebbles he knew covered its surface. Caden blindly chose one and pinched it between his forefinger and thumb, its colors swam in his blurry vision, that or his hand was still shaking.

He felt too numb to tell, too devoid inside to care.

So he focused on the unique sensation of dirt beginning to coat his fingers, so different from everything he’d felt during the short span of time he’s been out of stasis. Half of it stuck to the pads of his fingers, caught in the grooves, Caden could feel the loose grains trickle away between them. 

It's all so stupid . It was just dumb gossip, nothing more, they’re idiots and don't know any better.

He tossed the pebble and listened to the skittering sound it made, ricocheting down the hallway. That ever present pit of ugly unnamed emotion in his gut steadily darkened and stirred awake once more. Like a second void, like the mindscape.

He'd overheard some people talking about him, again .

Despite everyone trying to keep this whole situation more-or-less secret. It's kind of hard to do so when everyone's stuck in one space, prone to gossip.

And when someone who looks like a smaller Master Leonardo appears so soon after he went MIA? It leaves a lot of room for speculation and again— dumb, dumb theories.

And they weren't really even trying to hide it this time. Usually, when he heard a hushed whisper of ‘Leo’ on the metaphorical wind, he would turn to look at where it's coming from. Whoever it is tended to quickly stop or change the subject the moment they noticed Caden's attention, with varying looks of guilt to displeasure to oftentimes disappointment.

Or in worse cases: even hope .

Not this time, though…

─── ⋅•♦•⋅ ───

Caden was hesitantly picking his way through the thinning crowd of people, most of whom were stopping by for their rationed meals at the cafeteria. One hand gripped the edge of his inherited hoodie in a tense white-knuckled hold, the other fidgeted with the strings currently entangled in its fingers. The cold patchwork floor of old vinyl and chipped stone sent a sharp chill through the soles of his feet at every step, toes numbing from the temperature. He ignored it and swerved around crowded rows of tables, and the various seated yokai, mutants and humans.

His heart seemed to skitter around in his plastron, equally as nervous as the rest of him. He huffed to himself, the breath tapering off into a nearly audible hiss of frustration. He shouldn't be nervous! There's nothing dangerous here, not compared to what he’s been told roams outside of the base's heavily shielded walls.

A voice in his head, his own one this time—pointed out that he’d probably be in an equal amount of danger if Leo’s brothers caught him sneaking about outside of his room again.

Or whatever, it’s probably just the crowds that have him on edge!

He shuffled forward and joined the shrinking line, distantly wondering if he would get another wriggling Sloppy Joe.

The muffled clicking of hooves against a solid floor, accompanied by a gruff and masculine voice that told him what today's meal was, made him pause in recognition. His arms hesitated as a chipped bowl with a bent spoon sunk halfway was presented to him. Caden kept his eyes low and face shrouded as he collected it, praying Draxum was too busy to notice his familiar green three-fingered that released their death grip on the hoodie as he reached for the bowl.

He scurried away the moment its meagre warmth landed in his hands, thanking the universe that no one stopped him or called out his name. There was a half-hearted cheer of “Hot Soup!” in the back of his mind, Caden rolled his eyes, switching his focus to keeping the hot liquid he now held in his grip from spilling.

He slunk around the outskirts and hastily made a beeline to his newly designated favourite people-watching corner, brows creasing and a grimace forming on his face as the buzzing of chatter around him only served to fuel the slight headache he had since waking up that morning.

This corner was a fraction quieter than any other spot he had available, and thankfully it had also been left unoccupied like he’d hoped. The watered-down chosen meal for the day sloshed around in its bowl as he scooted into the seat, its icy surface making him flinch back on contact while barely holding in a surprised yelp. Right, he keeps forgetting how some surfaces can be far colder than others.

It didn’t stop him from sending the chair a wary squint as he sat back down.

Caden’s buzzing nerves eased a little as he picked up the spoon that looked even older than himself, twisting it between his three fingers. The familiar feeling of shelter the two sturdy walls at his shell provided him somewhat soothed the anxiety that had been buzzing beneath his skin all morning, weirdly enough.

He isn't sure why, but the way this particular table was shoved right up to a corner, made him feel just that little bit more secure. Despite how small and meagre that nostalgic feeling felt, it sort of almost reminded him of the stasis tank he’d previously lived in all his life… in a roundabout way. How the walls and stuff sort of shielded him. Or whatever.

He settled down and pulled the warmth of the hoodie's thinning fabric closer—he was trying to be inconspicuous after all—and gazed out at the mingling groups of colorful yokai, battle-scarred mutants and smaller humans alike. The steam rising up from the bowl chased away the lingering chill that had been sinking into his bones, one that seemed to be present everywhere in the base.

He'd snuck out of Leo's room again, despite how they—especially Raph—preferred him to stay in there for now and not wander around alone. And by “they” Caden was referring to Leo’s entire family, he rolled his eyes as he recalled how easy it was for him to sneak out in the first place.

Leo didn’t even try to stop him from leaving. Hah.

So… what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them, probably.

He'd sneak back in later and everyone would be none the wiser! Unless Donnie already somehow knew where he was, Leo’s twin brother gave off an all-knowing superior vibe that made Caden's gut stir cautiously whenever he noticed it.

After a while the quiet grumbles from Leo echoed from behind him, about how he should: “Drink your soup before it gets cold! You wouldn't want Splinter to possess you as well.” Caden blatantly ignored him, and slowly and obnoxiously took a sip, lips smacking loudly when he purposefully made an effort to increase the volume.

“Dont care, it's still soup” he muttered in a low tone, a corner of his annoyed frown twitching up as he sipped even slower. He heard Leo splutter, with a dramatic declaration that he's going to leave and pick someone else with ‘better tastes’ to haunt instead. If only .

Caden savoured the watery flavours on his tongue, still so new and enjoyable to his inexperienced taste-buds.

Unfortunately nothing good ever seems to last, and the bowl was quickly finished. Caden had begun idly tapping the side of it with his nail, some random rhythm that he didn't know the origin of looping itself, Leo probably knew what it was. He was enjoying his little bubble of peace while it lasted, not interested in moving on from where he had begrudgingly grown comfortable, when he heard that name out loud again from someone a few tables away.

‘Leonardo’.

His heart sank, dropping to his feet when he registered the spoken word.

Without looking around or turning his head, he focused on listening in, he didn't want to let them know he was eavesdropping yet (again) this time because they always stopped when they felt his eyes on them. He was… curious? Caden wasn't sure, but he hated that everyone seemed to talk about him behind his back, he wanted to be involved for once, to know what people were really thinking.

But… it was a little odd that they hadn't noticed him within earshot and had started talking, he was sitting right here.

Maybe it was the hood he still had up? It shadowed his face and most of his features, they probably didn't think to look closer at a stranger a few tables down?

His gaze zeroed in on a faint crack in the bowl as he listened, subtly pulling the hood further down over his face and began fiddling with the frayed edges.

“-nd you believe that? Didn't he die? ” A gruff voice bit back, it wasn't anyone that Caden recognised.

“Ppsshhhh, him? Haven't you seen them? I'd say the world would have to end for one of them to die but that jokes aged poorly—” There was a quiet slap heard over the buzz of the cafeteria and a whined “Oi!” like the second speaker got smacked or something.

Caden furrowed his brow, not appreciating the darker brand of humour, but also feeling smug that the other guy got what he definitely deserved.

“Anyways, they always find a way back, they're kinda like cockroaches and won't stay dead— I mean that in a good way this time, sheesh! ” They whined, words blending with how fast they blurted the last sentence out.

“Mmmmhh, but him?” a heavy pause, “that's really, actually Leonardo? Did he finally let the local mad scientist experiment on him, and give him a- a youth serum or something? Otherwise, I would've thought that's just his secret love child he kept hidden from everyone.”

A muffled choking sound pulled his focus away from the discussion, Leo sounded like he’d just swallowed something down the wrong pipe, and was muttering furiously to himself. He looked at Leo with a scrunched up snout and quizzical expression, what was his deal now?

Shaking his head dismissively, Caden decided he would risk looking and quickly glanced out from under his hoodie, in the direction of the voices. He could spot an arm gesturing towards his general location.

He tensed, blood running cold. Wait—

Were they pointing to him? Maybe they did notice him, after all. His brows knotted down and he chewed on his lower lip, he didn't know how to feel about that realisation.

“Yelp, pretty sure, green turtle, red and yellow stripes, everyone knows what Leonardo looks like and that's em, even if he does look like a kid now.” Their voice dripped with smug confidence, it made him feel sick.

Caden frowned and glared at the bowl. That's… not how it works, not every turtle with stripes is supposedly Master Leonardo. Donnie literally has stripes too! And he's not mistaken for someone else all the time.

He's not Master Leonardo!

It's a well worn and exhausted thought process for Caden to stew over and debate his similarities to the leader of the resistance, and he hates that this train of thought is so frequent and familiar. Suuuuurrre, they both have an uncanny number of things in common, but they aren't identical . Slightly different colors, slightly different stripes, but also a whole different person on the inside! It isn't fair.

Isn't there an old saying that goes ‘don't judge a book by its cover’, right? Why is it so hard for everyone to understand that? He scoffed under his breath and despite his better judgement he continued to listen to their conversation, tapping to that nameless rhythm on the rim of the bowl having been long forgotten.

“—uh! The leader of the resistance beat death and is back as a teenager, uncanny.” Caden couldn't see their faces, but he could easily imagine the way they were nodding along to their own words.

“Mmmhmn, have you seen how fit he looks though? Doesn't look like he's ever lived in an apocalypse, the Krang better watch out now, hah!” The haughty bark of laughter made him want to throw the bowl at a wall.

“Now that you've pointed it out, yeah, wonder what they've been feeding the kid...”

Caden chewed his lip and hunched his shoulders under the hoodie, uncomfortable with the thought that someone was looking closely at his body, close enough to comment on his physical state. He was used to it… kind of, but not from anyone who wasn't Draxum .

“When d’you reckon he'll get back into leading the resistance? It'll be a little weird taking orders from him now that he looks so young but, y'know, Master Leonardo gotta whole base here to run— I overheard someone say that the krang are getting closer, he should probably have a look at that.”

Aaaaaand there it is! They're constantly expecting all of this… this- responsibility and action from him! And he can't do it, he just can't.

He can't meet whatever sky high expectations everyone has set for him.

He can’t just pick up where someone else left off, and fill their shoes like that's not such a big and overwhelming and monumentally impossible task.

He can’t—

He can’t be Leo .

In his mind's-eye he could see Leo's face screw up into a grimace at the conversation, clearly having been listening in for some time, but he didn't say anything against it. His stoic silence was enough of an answer for Caden, he agrees with them.

Caden isn't him… that's Master Leonardo's job to lead a resistance, not Caden's …

He just— He doesn’t even know what he’s supposed to do from here!

“—eah, I bet the Krang are probably thinking they finally killed him off ey? Can't sit around daydreaming and sipping soup all day…”

The hand resting near the bowl abruptly clenched up into a tight fist, his breath stilled and his vision began to darken around the edges to resemble the mindscape he shared with Leo.

They did know he was here.

But did they know he was also listening?

He gritted his teeth and forcefully held his jaw shut, stopping himself just short of shouting out ‘Shut up! I'm not HIM, that's HIS responsibility, not mine! Why can't any of you remember that?’

He already had to correct Leo's brothers, over and over again, and they still didn't believe him! But now hearing it from complete strangers?!

Buried memories surfaced, unbidden and hazy at best. He dipped his head and took a slow, deep breath.

‘It's just some temporary amnesia, from the shock of adjusting to a new body.’

‘ — Just… give him some time and Leo will come back, I wouldn't come back with a fully functioning sense of self either, if I'd…’

‘Mikey, are you sure that's even him? We don't actually know if — ’

‘I… I'd know my brother anywhere , it's gotta be him, I can feel it. It has to be Leo.’

If it wasn't for the fact that Master Leonardo's spirit-soul-hamato ninpo manifestation or whatever he was now- lived inside the same body, Caden’s body, and that he had actual proof of them being two different people when he could literally communicate and even touch him (...somehow) then Caden would probably believe them, that he IS Master Leonardo.

But he isn’t.

He's not , and Caden's words constantly fell on deaf ears. He’s pretty sure they only hear him out on reflex because they still look at him as a copy of Master Leonardo, but the soft voices and unintentionally patronizing responses he receives every time. Everyone dismissing what he says in favour of what they see … to them he's just a spitting image of what a younger Leonardo apparently used to look like back before the world ended, unscarred and youthful.

Why did everyone expect him to pick up right where their resistance leader left off? To be him? Wasn’t there anyone else that could take his place, be better at this, than Caden?

The back of his eyes stung and his clenched fist trembled against the table, he's not going to cry over this, here and now. His stomach churned angrily and he suddenly regretted filling it with soup, his breath hitched and stuttered around in his lungs. Any attempts to slow his breathing and even it out, failing.

He's been over this with himself already! He's not Leo and he doesn't want to be just some replacement option for Leo. It's like a mantra he keeps repeating, every time. Not him, not him, not him…

He tried his best to curb the turbulent edges of his emotions, not particularly wanting to have another mental breakdown right now. He imagined shoving the worst of it back into the void where it should remain with a stick, a very big imaginary stick.

The few deep breaths he managed to take were wobbly and miserable, a sad attempt at calming himself. He shouldn't expect these strangers to know anything more than speculation and face value… it's just, gossip.

Just passing rumours.

Those come and go, eventually.

They don't know anything. He can ignore it all.

The sensation of a large three fingered hand hovering above his own shoulder in silent but tentative assurance did little to comfort him.

With bitter realisation he's beginning to understand why Leo's brothers wanted him to stay holed up in Master Leo's— technically Caden's room, for the time being. Staying in there gave him a really weird sense of warm familiarity, kind of like deja vu, despite hardly even knowing anything about the base (let alone someone else's room) apart from Draxum's lab, and after a while he just needed to get out.

But now, he kind of sees why, if this is what they thought would happen when he leaves.

Leo's brothers probably didn't want him fueling the rumours so soon, by waltzing around the base doing nothing.

Everyone sees him with an overlay of Master Leonardo, and he can’t seem to change that right now, no matter how much he wants to.

But a small, quiet part of him wonders… what would it take for everyone to see the real him? To see just Caden.

Awkward coughing by his shoulder got him to look up, he glared at Leo from the shadows of his hoodie, and then watched as he tilted his head out into the cafeteria.

Caden's eyes followed their direction, scanning the mixed crowds for whatever Leo wanted him to see, and imperceptibly widened as they landed on a yokai kid of some sort, making their way through the crowd towards… him .

He stiffened a little as they ducked under arms and around legs, clear determination visible in the way they moved to get to Caden's table.

Eavesdropping momentarily forgotten, he didn't notice how his leg started bouncing under the table and his palms began to sweat with nerves. Should he run ? Stay? What does a kid want with him of all people? Why are they coming towards him!?

Between one panicked blink and the next, they somehow appeared in front of him and quietly tapped the table to get his attention. He glanced around helplessly, not sure what kind of help he was looking for before realising no one but Leo was there to see his struggle, and resigned himself to staying and making eye contact with the small yokai.

They scrunched up their short rounded snout and hesitantly glanced up at Caden, fiddling with a worn piece of paper between their tiny white-furred claws and spoke up with a timid voice. 

“Hi… I, uh, wanted to give this to Master Leo.” Their— her voice squeaked out, long drooped ears folding back and somehow mirroring just how nervous Caden felt about the interaction.

Caden just… felt himself freeze, his breathing paused, breath trapped halfway to his lungs.

“You look like him but, shorter so… I was thinking you know him and could give this to him, for me? Um, please.” When he didn't reply, they shuffled awkwardly and looked over their shoulder to make eye contact with someone who might've been her guardian, before focusing their attention back on him.

In a pair of grubby hands, they gingerly held out a crude drawing on a crinkled page. It depicted someone vaguely turtle shaped standing with a heroic pose, in front of and defending a huddle of figures from something pink and squiggly, which Caden assumed was the child's depiction of a Krang monster.

His eyes zeroed in on the wobbly brightly coloured line, one that represented a well known accessory everyone knew Master Leonardo wore.

A blue mask.

He choked a little on his response, struggling to form words. Was there any oxygen in this room? He felt a little dizzy.

“...yeah.” he managed to whisper out, voice suddenly hoarse. It sounded loud to his own ears.

Was this how she saw Master Leonardo? Is this what everyone was really expecting him to measure up to and eventually surpass?

Caden stared dumbly ahead at the kids wide and admiring eyes. The way hope seemed to glimmer in their depths. But all he saw was himself.

“I wanted to thank him for protecting us.” She gently placed the drawing on the table, shot him a grateful smile that he didn't deserve, and skipped back into the crowd. He watched as she reunited with her guardian, excitedly pointing in his direction as she flapped her hands around in a giddy movement.

Caden didn't notice he'd been holding his breath until his vision grew hazy and his lungs ached. He jolted and sat up straighter, greedily gulping fresh air back into starved lungs.

His arm felt partially untethered from the rest of him as Leo took control of the limb, and moved it to gently pick up the child's drawing.

…

“Lookit that? Leo's getting fan mail instead of running the place.” The words rang loud in his ears, breaking him out of the stupor.

He snapped his head up, recognising one that one of the voices from earlier had spoken up, he'd forgotten about them. When his eyes met those of a short and scruffy feathered yokai and their shorter scar-covered human companion, they didn't stop and look away like everyone else had, like it was an accident he overheard them.

No.

The human pulled his upper lip back into a sneer, baring yellow teeth and stretching marred skin, side-eyeing their friend as they flippantly gestured in Caden direction.

“I think Leo lost his wit with that youth serum experiment.”

He thinks they're doing it on purpose .

He shot a venomous glare at the two and uttered a low hiss through clenched teeth, one that they probably couldn't hear over the tables between them (he'd love to yell, but it would seriously hurt his inexperienced vocal cords). Caden felt unafraid in the moment of any reputation or repercussions he'll get from his actions right now, as a surge of rage fueled adrenaline began coursing through his veins and clouded his judgement.

When he stood up and took a step forward to confront them, the hood falling off his face with how quickly he lurched up, that made them flinch. A dark part of him revelled in how satisfying that reaction was, and it yearned for more. To wipe the adoring look from people's eyes, to make them shut up and take him seriously. To show the world just how unlike Leo he really was.

His potent glare seemed to slice through the flood of people, his face now easily visible to anyone who saw him. A face that looked exactly like Leonardo’s.

The yokai companion quickly looked away with an awkward hunch to their shoulders, paired with an abashed expression. The human visibly gulped, but held his gaze with a challenging stare, like he thought Caden didn’t have the gall to stand up for someone's reputation that wasn’t his.

That's all it took for him to snap.

“I'm not Leo!” he snarled, the rasp to his voice added a raw and intimidating quality to the statement. The volume of the cafeteria dropped when those around him paused, noticing the tension surrounding Caden and his sharply spoken words.

Caden froze when he realised he actually blurted that out loud . The sensation of strangers gazing at him making his skin prickle and itch, he clenched both fists to stop them from shaking. He was deaf to the subtle crinkle of paper in his right hand, heartbeat ringing in his ears and heat rising in his face.

“Isn't that—?”

“Since when was he so small! ”

“Master Le—”

He didn't stick around long enough to hear the rest. Whispers and hushed comments chasing him down with phantom claws, he raced out of the cafeteria to the nearest exit. Feet thrumming in time with his pounding heartbeat against the cold hard floor.

Caden isn't sure how long it was before he realised the heat on his face was actually from tears , he distantly hopes no one noticed, that he hadn’t started crying in front of an audience. He quickly rounded a corner and was greeted with empty shadows, their cold dark expanse beckoning him closer, he hastily rubbed his face with the inside of his wrists.

Which only made the experience worse by smearing snot all over his arm.

Gross…

He switched to wiping his face clean with the hoodie sleeves, it quickly became damp and sticky against his arms but it was a little more effective.

─── ⋅•♦•⋅ ───

And that led to where he is now.

With the adrenaline long since subsided and with a slightly calmer mind, he's now left to dwell on how embarrassing and stupid that outburst really was.

If he was going to sulk here for longer, he may as well get comfortable. Caden started to shuffle around on the cold floor, when the crinkling of paper made him pause and look down.

…When did he grab this? The weathered and crinkled page of a child's drawing looked back up at him.

Caden had half a mind to just scrunch it up and toss it down the hallway like he was doing with the pebbles, but his arm remained still and didn't move. He just sat and stared, silently tracing the crudely drawn lines with a finger.

The motion of Leo's hand waving in front of his face from the mindscape snapped his dazed mind into focus, and he looked inwards, uncomfortably making eye contact with him.

“I grabbed it, couldn't just leave it there.” He sheepishly supplied, looking at the hand Caden held the drawing in. Wistfulness and grief shone in his gaze, more open than he’d ever seen it before.

Caden rolled his eyes, resting his chin on his knees as he looked down on the drawing, held limp in his hands. He moved to trace the new sharp crinkles and creases that now marred the old paper with a thumb.

“I'm sorry —” It sounded like it was physically painful for Leo to say those words in that order, but he cleared his throat and continued in a clearer voice. “ … I know it's- it’s a lot to live up to, all of these big expectations and responsibilities that've been dumped on your shoulders… This whole situation is just- it's so confusing, but we can take it as it comes”

He kept his eyes fixed, not wanting to look at whatever expression Leo would be making as he said that.

“One day at a time, we'll figure it out a day at a time- hey, don't give me that face, I'm trying to be supportive here!”

He ignored him and buried his face in his arms, a wave of exhaustion washing over Caden, after all of the emotional turmoil he experienced in such a short amount of time.

The heroic image of Master Leonardo burned the back of his eyelids, and he scrunched his brows in an effort to halt any more tears from flowing. He's had enough for the day, thank you very much.

He sensed Leo approaching as he sat down beside him in the mindscape, not quite touching but close enough to give a respectful show of physical support.

How will he ever live up to him? And fill those metaphorical shoes he's been forced into, if he can barely make it through the day without the pressure and expectations from everyone crushing him down again and again and again?

Everyone wants Leo . No one wants Caden, because he's not him and never will be.

Caden isn't sure how long they both sat there while he dejectedly tossed more loose pebbles down the hallway, just to listen to them skitter away.

If only his problems were that easy to get rid of.

After a while, Leo's voice interrupted his brooding.

“...Hey, why did the ghost decide to become a comedian?”

He opened his eyes and leveled him with a heated glare, not in the mood for a joke.

“To make his audience scream with laughter. ”

He face-planted into the folded arms of the hoodie's sleeves again and groaned, the sound muffled around his ears as he muttered “ You suck.”

When Leo quietly chuckled at his side, Caden just groaned louder.

Chapter Text

“Widen your stance a little there, bud”

“Your leaving your right side open when you move like that”

I know!

“Lets try again, your not going to get any better glaring at Raph like that”

I AM trying!

The slick and sweaty surface of his hand slips around the hilt of the katana, and it flies from his grasp into the already pockmarked wall, again .

He doesn't have to look up to see Raph's clear disappointment in his skills, the loud and exasperated sigh from across the room is telling enough.

It's like he's trying to be Caden's disapproving parent .

He already has Leo to fill that role, he doesn't need another.

Caden swipes the sweat off his brow with one of his wrapped arms and groans, sending a fiery glare at the katana sticking out of the wall. And with the amount of times they've found the wall, it's like they want to be there.

He's very tempted to just throw the remaining matching katana still in his other hand at the same wall and walk off, if they like the walls more than him, then fine! He should let it stay there.

He scuffs the weathered mat of the dojo with a foot out of frustration.

Why can't he just get his shit together? Everyone's counting on him to pick right back up where Master Leonardo left off, and he wants to be useful and meet their expectations of him. And believe him, he's genuinely trying .

Leonardo’s legacy is something he’ll never live up to.

People still look at him like he’s the hero leader of the resistance.

But he needs to know he's worthy of it when people call him a hero.

But a hero doesn't lose their weapon to a wall on a daily basis. And right now? He doesn't feel even remotely close to being able to fill Leo's shoes, to be called a hero, with his clear lack of proficiency when it comes to combat and wielding his katanas.

He's trying, yet Caden keeps losing his grip, literally!

He took another frustration-fueled swing with the remaining katana at an invisible enemy, and growled when he could feel himself begin to overbalance again, and his fingers loosen their grip on the handle.

…He needs a break. He sheethes the stubborn blade and wipes the sweat off his brow with the wrapping on his arm.

Caden approaches the wall and has to tug a few times on the handle before the wayward katana is freed, almost falling over backwards when it finally pops out after a particularly hard yank. He sheaths the last katana in its holster at his back and stalks over to where Raph is leaning on a tower of stacked gear and supplies, temporarily stored in the corner of the dojo since space is pretty finite when you're living in an apocalypse.

He refuses to make eye contact and see just how disappointed he is in Caden's utter lack of progress when it comes to training with Leo’s weapons. Raph is taking the time out of his already packed schedule and responsibilities to give Caden that little bit of extra training and attention he needs, to catch him up and speed along his learning curve as fast as possible.

People need Leonardo's skills, and everyones looking at Caden like he somehow has them too…

He doesn't know if he does.

He sighs and wordlessly takes the faded blue waterskin offered to him when he reaches the other turtle. Not having realised just how thirsty he had been until now, he ends up drinking most of it in one greedy go.

“Let's pause it here, Raph'll just tackle this new group of recruits arriving soon and then we can pick it back up later. Maybe you're a… what'd Mikey call it? A visual learner? Yeah, a quick break and simply spectating might help ya”

He nods, grateful for the chance to rest and stop showcasing his failures. Caden hoists himself up onto a remotely stable spot on the tower of supplies, and shuffles back into the makeshift seat until he's confident it won't immediately tip over from his weight.

“It hasn't been long since ya’ started training your new body, swords are harder than hand-to-hand combat, don't take it too hard on yourself”

Caden finally looks up, and sees the reassuring smile Leo’s brother shoots over his shoulder at him as he heads to grab more training gear out of storage.

Was the smile genuine? Or forced and pitying.

Now with the adrenaline high of training beginning to subside as he begins to slump and lean back, he's left all too aware of just how exhausted he feels. 

Caden groans and slowly stretches his arms back behind his head to ease the ache at his shoulders. He hopes Raph's training session with the new recruits lasts a while because He doesn't know if his legs will respond if he tries to stand anytime soon.

…Just how long had he been practising with Leo's katanas to feel this tired?

Uggrrrhg, that doesn't matter, he's hardly made any progress or improvements with them anyway.

Soon enough, the ‘new recruits’ Raph mentioned, which are pretty much just a group of younger teens who are finally old enough to begin another level of combat training trickle into the room. At a guess there's probably only close to twenty today, a small class then.

The booming of Raph’s eager and cheerful voice as he introduces the class makes his head throb uncomfortably, and he couldn't help the flinch he was unable to suppress at the sudden volume change.

He props his chin on a hand and pouts when he spots kids, humans and yokai alike, pull off moves he hasn't even gotten the hang of yet and not throw their weapons to be embedded in the walls.

Maybe Leo’s katanas are possessed as well.

Sure, the kids still fumble and trip like him, but nowhere near as much.

Teens even younger than Caden are better at this than him!

“Hey, if the wind blows and you're still frowning, your face will get stuck like that and you'll look just like my tio Hueso”

Caden slowly turns his head to make and hold eye contact with Leo in the mindscape, he deepens his frown and gives him a flat look.

He's pretty sure he came out of stasis with a frown.

Leo raises his hands “Lifes just too short to be frowning at everything, you're going to get a Raph Chasm, or in your case a Spite Chasm”.

Caden fiddles dejectedly with the waterskin in his lap. In his defence, the constant headaches from Leo chattering away in the background, the stress, the pressure, the anxiety, the responsibilities expected of him! Those are reasons enough alone to frown.

He thinks bitterly to himself; maybe if he does the opposite of Leo's signature smirk, and frowns enough, people might be able to tell the two of them apart for once.

Leo draws out a loud sigh and pinches his brow as he begins to pace back and forth in the mindscape.

“Look, you're not going to get it on the first try, or second try, or hey probably not even on the tenth try! You're learning from scratch Caden. From scratch. All of my twenty plus years of experience and skill didn't get beamed into your head when I did” Leo emphasises the last point with a poke of his finger to Caden's forehead, which he tries to bite off but isn't fast enough.

“When will I get it, then? I've barely made any progress since I started training. If I'm so much like you, then why can't I be just as good??” he shoots back.

“Caden…” Leo huffs another sigh and tips his head back to stare up into the void of the mindscape. Caden bites his lip when he picks up on the exasperated tone of Leo's voice.

“Buddy, you're not going to be as good as me right away. Don't forget the learning curve, everyone learns at different paces and it's okay for you to start slow. What's the worst that could happen? The world's already ended” Leo's wry laugh didn't hold much humour when it reached Caden's ears.

“Is there anything I'm even good at?” Caden states, not entirely meant to be a question.

More rhetorical.

He slumps down in his seat and starts tossing the waterskin up in the air to catch and distract his hands with something mildly interesting to do.

Mmmmhh. He should probably try that visual learner thing Raph mentioned.

“Well, you have a good throwing arm” Leo starts, gingerly rubbing a hand on the back of his neck as he looks to Caden. Caden fumbles catching the waterskin and it falls into his lap at the sudden… compliment? He thinks?

From Leo?? Since when?

“You toss the katanas just like how I used to, just–” Leo wiggles his fingers for emphasis “–without the y’know- cool part, portals and teleporting that went with it”

He rolls his eyes, begrudgingly accepting the small praise, even if it revolved back around to being about Leo, again . He doesn't know if that was on purpose or not this time.

“Or intent,” he mutters.

“Or yeah, that too”

Thinking of Leo's powers, he's a little curious if by the fact that they share a body, maybe they share ninpo and mystic abilities too? That would be kinda cool… he should ask Draxum or Mikey about it, they're the most knowledgeable people he knows when it comes to mystics.

─── ⋅•♦•⋅ ───

He spends the rest of the break observing the training session Raph was in charge of, taking a couple mental notes and trying to remember any pointers or critiques Leo occasionally piped up with as he watched as well.

When he noticed the class coming to a close, Caden hopped down from his perch and began some warm up stretches Leo and his brothers had shown him. Raph would be back to pick up Caden's lesson from where they left off earlier as soon as he was finished with his class, and by the looks of it that would be soon.

It didn't take long to shake the stiffness that had begun to settle in his limbs from inactivity with the stretches, although his shoulders still ached when he moved them.

Caden noticed he was still feeling pretty thirsty, so he grabbed the waterskin and shook it. He'll need to refill it soon.

“Hey Caden”

“...What” he grumbles, mid-sip with the waterskin held to his mouth.

“How do possessed people work out?”

Caden has quickly come to learn that he should really stop acknowledging Leo, and by extension his stupid quips. But Leo continued anyway.

“They exorcise”

He coughed when the water went down the wrong pipe.

“Leo! Leo, what happened? Are you choking on something?” Raph's worried voice got close really fast.

He wheezed out the automatic response of ‘it’s Caden’ but he's pretty sure Raph didn't hear it over his worried mother-henning and frantic questions. He waved away the giant hovering hands in front of him to reassure Leo's brother that he wasn't actively dying, and raised a confident thumbs up.

He briefly dipped into the mindscape to kick Leo's shins. Hard .

“Don't scare Raph like that again…”

“Sorry, swallowed wrong” he gasped, coughing a few more times and hitting his plastron with the inside of his wrist to fully clear his throat and lungs.

Once Caden reassured Raph that he's relatively okay, they pick back up with some katas using Leo’s weapons again, slowly increasing with difficulty as they go.

His arms and legs still feel awkward and out of place and uncomfortable, but after that break he had at least his hands are not sweating enough for the hilts of the katanas to become slippery again.

But when he begins losing his grip and almost skewers his foot with a blade as it shoots out of his hand and clangs against the ground, Caden growls and tosses the other one down to go with it. He ignores the offended exclamation from Leo about mistreating his weapon.

“Woah, buddy, it's not the sword's fault” Raph jumps in, giving him a stern look for treating his brother's weapons like that. Caden whirls on Raph and bares his teeth, he couldn't care less in the moment

“I know that!!” he snarls, his teeth clicking loudly when he snaps his jaw shut after the outburst. He clenches his tired fists and squeezes his eyes closed.

Deep. Breaths. He can feel his heart pounding in time with his head.

He shouldn't snap at Leo's brothers, especially Raph. It's not his fault.

He knows, Raph's right.

Why would it be the sword's fault when it's all Caden's?

He doesn't acknowledge Raph's approach until he feels the body heat of a giant hand reach his shoulder, that's when he flinches and takes a hasty step back.

Caden makes the mistake of opening his eyes and looking up, spotting the hurt quickly twist and flash across Raph's face before he can hide it. The resentment stirring in Caden's gut grows more turbulent with the added guilt.

“...You alright there Leo?”

“It’s Caden!”

The silence of the training room rings in Caden's ears. His panting breaths, a result from the earlier exercise being the only other source of sound in the room.

“Caden… you need to tell Raph what's up so he can help”

Tell Raph… talk to him? He looks to the side at Leo, for reassurance or to stall for time? He doesn't know.

Leo doesn't react, but he does meet Caden's eyes. His gaze is unreadable and full of untold emotion, but it doesn't tell him what he should do.

Tell Raph what, exactly?

That he's not Leo? No one really believes him, and Leo wont let him tell anyone.

That he doesn't think he can live up to all the hero expectations people have set for him? That the pressure will surely crush him before he ever gets there…

That he doesn't want all of Leo's responsibilities? He can't change that. That he kind of hates Mikey when he thinks too long about how he put Leo's soul in Caden's body? Leo would probably be dead right now if he hadn't. That he wishes Draxum never acted on the backup plan of making another mutant turtle? Then Caden wouldn't exist .

That this whole situation is unfair, and if Leo's brothers were faster to act? Maybe they'd still have their own brother and Caden would still be in stasis, blissfully none the wiser.

He opens his mouth to speak, but he hesitates as his voice gets swallowed and stuck. Like there's an invisible physical force inside of him choking the words and stopping them from flowing.

He doesn't even know where he'd start.

Caden just stares at Raph with his mouth half agape before he decidedly shuts it. He watches as Leo's brother searches his gaze for something, Raph's one eye flickering intently between Caden's two with a worried and tense expression.

Caden turns away, throat burning. The glint of reflected light on the blade of Leo's katana still on the floor catches his eye, and he focuses on that.

“You keep saying you're not Leo, but that's the most Leo-like response you could ever give… you act just like him” the frustration was clear in his tone.

…

In everything he does, people just see Leo…

He hears a low rumble from Raph and he can't ignore the unwanted sting of guilt that makes him glance back. He watches the other turtles' spiked shoulders slump, his head begin to hang in defeat as he sighs.

He's never seen Raph look so… tired, so openly exhausted in front of him before.

“Where are you Leo?” he hears him murmuring.

Caden doesn't answer.

“I need my brother, Raph can't do this- he cant- I can't do this without you ” he watched from the corner of his eye as Raph raised a clenched fist to his face.

He wasn't ignorant to the slight tremble visible in his arms or the way Raph's voice seemed to catch and wobble on the way out. The raw emotion present, grating on his consciousness.

He turned away from Caden and looked at a spot on the far wall “…It was all Raph's fault… i just want my little brother” it was uttered as a soft whisper, probably not meant to be overheard.

Caden felt his body and spirit freeze in time as the plea reached his ears.

A tingling sensation travelled down his spine, and a heavy feeling found home crushing his soul. The floor of the training room felt a million miles away.

They…

…don't want him

…

They just want Leo .

No one wants him , and he knows that. It's nothing he hasn't already thought about before.

But to hear it from someone he was beginning to see as a friend? Call out for the one person he’ll never be?

Caden sniffled and looked away.

He doesn't want himself either.

He wants an out, to get somewhere else.

He wants to go.

Anywhere but right here, in this moment.

Caden’s body felt numb, and his legs refused to move when he tried to take a step towards the exit. He felt rooted in the spot.

So instead he screwed his burning eyes shut and tucked his chin down in a feeble attempt to hide his face in shadows, all too hyper aware of his own galloping heartbeat and increasingly rapid shallow breaths.

Out of desperation and instinct, he retreated from his body and into the shared mindscape. The only safe, dark and silent space he could think of to go to at the moment that had no limiting and physical setbacks.

Just letting the endless void swallow him whole, like a giant blanket, greedily welcoming the escape it so easily provided.

─── ⋅•♦•⋅ ───

Unbeknownst to Caden, out in the real world his body began to tilt and slip without a pilot, Leo hastily leapt forward into the metaphorical controls to stop them from collapsing. At the same time, Raph took notice of his tilting body and lurched towards Leo, catching one of his arms and steadying him before he hit the ground.

Woah.

“ Le - Caden–?”

Good question, where'd Caden go??

Leo opened his eyes, instantly greeted with a vision that was wavering and burning from apparent unshed tears. If he blinked they'd surely fall, so he kept them open and looked up to see Raph's face that hovered just above his own.

A devastatingly heartbroken expression and a wide eye peered down at him.

He felt a metaphorical knife in his gut twist .

“Woah- hey, just breathe , breathe with me. Deep breaths”

Right , right.

Leo had observed Caden as he… spiralled. Right now his body was still acting accordingly, despite Leo's clear mind.

Because Caden had so abruptly disappeared Leo had been left to do damage control. He was now forced to pilot Caden's body, and by extension deal with his subsequent emotions.

Leo schooled his expression and focused outwards, a little rusty and pretty disoriented with the sudden change of being able to feel everything so clearly without any heads up to prepare himself.

Unlike the real world, in the mindscape he could only feel vague impressions of whatever Caden was feeling. Physically and emotionally. If he was in pain? Leo could still sense it, but with a weird sort of disconnect that left him mostly unaffected within their shared mindscape. If Caden was feeling any particularly strong emotion? Leo could feel the general gist of it, like an intuition.

But now in the driver's seat? He was left with a dizzying and disorienting rush of conflicting emotions, the brunt of Caden's residual feelings battling with Leo's own previously calm and collected thoughts. He grimaced and lifted an arm to his- Caden's pounding head, surely a sign of an oncoming headache. Unless he already had one?

His throat was tense and ached, his legs felt like jelly and he was pretty sure he would greet the floor with his face if Raph wasn't steadying him with an arm right now.

He curled his toes and felt the cool sensation of cracked concrete beneath his- Caden's- Their feet. The scent of sweat and Raph's worry stink permeated the air and tickled his nose. The comforting warmth of Raph's large hand encasing his arm warmed him inside a little, he missed feeling these subtle things.

Speaking of Raph…

He was murmuring something quietly, that Leo hadn't taken notice of before until now with his self analysis.

“-wo, three. Breathe out, one, two, three. Breathe in, one, two, three” he also hadn't noticed that his gaze had drifted off into the middle distance either, he gingerly refocused on Raph's face and gradually followed his words to take control of the breathing of Caden's body.

Raph had a concerned half grin when he noticed Leo's gaze sharpened and awareness returned, his snaggletooth on display.

“ Hey , hey you good there, big man? Welcome back, Raph’s- Raph's sorry, I didn't mean to say that out loud, or for you to hear…”

“I’m f-fine” wow , were Caden's vocal cords always this hard to use? He should encourage the kid to exercise his voice more.

Raph shot him a doubtful and disapproving frown, clearly not believing a word of it “Take all the time you need buddy, Raph's got you”.

So Leo simply stood there, leaning on Raph as he felt himself relax a little in his embrace, unsure of what to do next.

He should look for Caden, he should…

He doesn't entirely know what he should do, let alone if it's even possible to find Caden in the mindscape with how thoroughly he disappeared. Leo can barely sense his presence right now, and he doesn't have the slightest clue on how to reach him with just how distant it feels when Leo gently tentatively out, one foot in the mindscape and one in the real world.

He couldn't worry Raph if he left to look for Caden because it would leave the body they shared without someone in control, which to anyone on the outside it would look like they'd dissociated. Or passed out.

He couldn't do that to Raph right now. He couldn't make his big brother needlessly worry more .

So he was currently stuck, Leo sighed, dragging out the action to fully empty his lungs in a satisfying way.

“...Raph's sorry, i know training a whole new body is hard and im trying my best to help, but-”

He grimaced internally, If only Caden were here to hear this apology. But it's not Raph's fault that he doesn't know Caden isn't listening right now.

But Leo is.

The irony. He lets out a humourless chuckle in his mind.

But he needs to make sure Caden is alright… he's just a teenager, a kid. He shouldn't ever have had to go through life like this.

He shouldn't have to deal with it all alone if he can help it.

Leo leans away from Raph and coughs awkwardly to clear his throat, pleased to discover his legs don't feel like jelly anymore without his support.

“...It's alright Raph, and I'm fine ” he repeats, his voice much steadier without the influence of Caden's turbulent emotions no longer in effect.

Yeah, it's probably not alright, and it's probably not fine, but Raph doesn't need to know, doesn’t need the extra burden of worry on top of everything else.

Leo makes a show of acting like it is fine though, when he gingerly pats Raph's outstretched arm in thanks and confidently collects the lost katanas and sheaths both of them at his back.

Years of Leo building facades and faces and masks won't go to waste just because he moved bodies .

It was just a teensy emotional breakdown, no worries big bro. It wasn't even his anyways.

Raph looks a little confused and dumbfounded when Leo turns back, planning to say a quick goodbye to him before he leaves to find Caden.

Shoot- wait, would Caden have been able to curb a panic attack as fast as Leo? Red flag red flag, he should go before Raph starts questioning and worrying about that , if he hasn't started to already.

Leo knows his biggest brother isn't oblivious to these things.

He stands there awkwardly for a moment, but can't think of anything to say to Raph that's in-character for Caden to say…

So Leo retreats to the door, shooting a small, brief and genuinely apologetic look his way before ducking out into the hallway.

Raph's plea chases him on the way out before he can close the door “ Leo - Caden, wait!”

…

When they figure out this whole situation… then he will. He just doesn't have the luxury or time for a heart-to-heart with Raph right now.

Leo weaved his way around and through the groups of passersby in the hallway, trying to be inconspicuous and quick enough that anyone who looked at him would only see a stealthy green blur. Where did Caden leave his hood? That would be useful right about now.

It's not long before Leo reaches the familiar corridor to his room.

He's quick to toss the katanas and holster on a stand as soon as he enters. Breathing deeply and taking a moment to ground himself in the familiar atmosphere of home, before dives into the mindscape.

Hastily finding a comfortable sitting position in bed, he sits cross legged on the thin sheets and mentally steps back into the void. The ambiance of the outside world dulls and disappears from his senses as he retreats further and deeper in search.

How do you find someone hiding in their own mind ?

Leo cups his hands around his mouth and takes a deep breath, and calls Caden's name into the mindscape.

─── ⋅•♦•⋅ ───

“...Caden?”

Chapter Text

Leo snapped his mouth shut and pinched his brow with a forefinger and thumb, slowly drawing out a deep sigh from the bottom of his lungs.

He isn't sure how time really works here, exactly, but it feels like he's been uselessly hollering into an empty space for at least a couple of hours. Minimum.

With the rate Leo had been calling into their shared mindscape, his throat would absolutely be parched and sore if he’d instead been yelling out in the real world. One of the small upsides of being stuck in here, he supposes, is that you don't get physically exhausted if you don't have a physical body to exhaust.

Leo huffs out an imaginary breath despite the lack of air, it doesn't even feel like he's sharing a body or mind right now. Caden hadn't answered his calls or shown any sign of reappearing, he can barely even sense the kids emotions. Just a dull feeling of something weak and indecipherable that Leo wouldn't have even taken note of, if he hadn't already begun to learn how to differentiate between their individual feelings while sharing a body.

He removed the hand from his forehead and began pacing back and forth, clenching and unclenching his fists by his side “Where the hell are you? I know you're in here somewhere, kid”.

─── ⋅•♦•⋅ ───

He isn't sure how long he kept running, or even where he was running to . All Caden knows is that he wanted a dark corner to hole himself up in, somewhere unreachable and safe and away from the harsh realities of the outside world. So he kept going, deeper and deeper into the mindscape.

Eventually he came to a stop when he realized he couldn't tire himself out, or collapse from exhaustion and let sleep take him, like it would have outside the mindscape.

He held his biceps tight in a vice-like grip, in a desperate attempt to comfort himself in a self hug as he stood there. His breathing remained inconsistent and stuttery, even in here where oxygen technically wasn't needed, since it's all just in his head.

He crouched down to sit, vaguely aware of how his legs didn't really feel stable enough for standing right now without any forward momentum keeping him going. His legs gave out halfway through the motion, and he collapsed to his knees.

Echoes of what Leo's brother said kept repeating themselves to him, whispers of Raph’s words continued flowing and morphing and twisting in on themselves despite Caden trying his best to forcefully will them away .

He bent his head down and sandwiched it between his arms, holding them firmly over his tympanum in a futile attempt to block the voices in his mind. He took a deep breath and squeezed his stinging eyes shut.

‘-need my brother’

Caden isn't actually his …

‘I just want my little brother’

He's not Raph's brother, and he never will be. How could he ever be? There was a sour taste in his mouth at the thought of that fact.

His furrowed brows dropped tighter, the rejection and hurt and invisible pain felt like it was trying to take a physical form from within, clawing at the metaphorical walls and trying to tear a way out.

The worst part is… he can't even blame Raph for the words he spoke, and Caden believes that.

He's been such a failure at trying to live up to Leo's standards, he's just letting everyone down.

He can't get anything right, do anything right. Caden feels his lungs seize and he gasps uselessly at the realization, choking on nonexistent air.

‘-do this without you’

He can't hold it all in any longer, and his voice cracks when he screams . One that's raw and primal as he vents everything out, howling his hurt and pain and frustration out and into the mindscape. It lasts until his lungs burn and give in, completely empty, leaving him hoarse and coughing and dry.

His body physically trembled from the emotional exertion. Caden drops his forehead to the ground of the void, arms and legs slumping and falling slack where they lay as he sits there.

If he fools himself well enough… he can at least pretend the ground will swallow him whole for good.

His face felt warm against the inside of his arms where it rests, and he's only now finally registering the burning sensation at the back of his nose and behind his eyes. He reluctantly freed a hand and raised the shaking limb to gingerly brush against his cheek, his fingers came back glistening and wet.

…

Apparently you can still cry in the mindscape.

─── ⋅•♦•⋅ ───

He continued to walk aimlessly into the void, occasionally shouting out Caden's name and hoping he would eventually respond, but with no results. Leo swiveled on his heels and chose another random direction to keep walking in.

Their mindscape couldn't be endless, surely? He should have run into the smaller turtle by now.

He huffed out an exasperated breath “Caden, buddy, I tried but I honestly have so many other important things that actually need me, I can't spend all day or night or whatever looking for you, if your this determined to disappear on me like this”

A small part of his soul ached for how much Caden's actions reflected on Leo's own, especially when it came to something like this. He was beginning to see more and more of himself reflected in this kid than he would like to admit, he shouldn't be seeing himself at all.

But he does.

It's just so much like himself to shut everyone out and stew about his own thoughts inside his head, alone in some dark corner of the universe. And despite the harshness of the current world wearing him down to the bone on a daily basis, he never truly lost the capacity to feel for something so relatable happening to someone else.

But feeling bad for the younger turtle right now won't do him any good in the long run. Unlike Caden, Leo doesn't have the liberty of escaping the reality of the world and hiding away when things get troublesome and tough .

He pushed the guilt down from where it was nudging at the corners of his thoughts, dismissing it. Again, he doesn't have time for this, to spend hours on end hunting down a kid who's still stumbling along at every turn and learning how the world works? People's wellbeing and lives are always at stake when Leo isn't around to shoulder the responsibility of it.

He halted in his steps, hands on hips.

He tried.

It's time to get back to the real world, Leo is perfectly happy to take the driver's seat and do what he'd like to without fighting for control when Caden isn't around. He should use this rare opportunity to pilot the body without competition or interference while it lasts.

“Wo -oah!”

A crushing wall of dizziness slams down on him the moment he returns, Leo reflexively flings an arm out behind him to catch himself from tipping backwards. Gripping the rough blanket beneath him, fabric scratching against his palm. The other hand instinctively flew up to his-Caden's face, like it can somehow find a solution to ease the way the room momentarily spun like a wheel when his eyes flung open.

Must've spent quite a while looking for the kid….

He sat up, propping the body up with an arm as he rubbed at his blurry and gradually focusing eyes. Caden's limbs ached with a weary exhaustion as he willed them to move, muscles weakly protesting that they needed more rest after that strenuous training session with Raph earlier.

It was something he was familiar with, and already used too. Leo simply ignored it all, and fished his blue cloak from where it lay at the end of the bed, tossing it over his shoulders.

Caden's bare feet glided over the floor as Leo crept closer and cracked the door to his room open, enough to glimpse out in both directions. The lights were dim, no one in sight.

It must be late, or the night cycle just began.

He knew his brothers, especially Raph, didn't want Caden running around without someone to accompany him in case he got into trouble or more people recognized him. But Leo's in control right now, he doesn't need a babysitter there to protect him during a quick outing.

He slipped out of his room, pulling the hood low over his head before flicking his eyes both ways to double check that the corridor was empty.

All clear.

Leo had long ago found out where Donnie placed most- if not all of his security cameras, he jabbed his tongue out at the one he knows is recording footage of the corridor to his room, knowing his twin is absolutely keeping tabs on that camera and will see it. But like the morally grey brother Leo knows he is, he won't snitch him out to Raph.

Probably.

He pulled the edges of the cloak closer when a cold and stale breeze brushed against his uncovered scales, shivering at the unique sensation. The unswept floor made Leo grimace and look down at Caden’s feet.

Ugh.

He should get the kid to ask if Donnie has any spare boots hidden around somewhere that would fit him, his brother always seems to have those kinds of useful things laying around.

Leo let a hand trail against the wall as he walked, no clear end goal in mind. He let his feet guide him to a destination as he let his thoughts run free.

Has April gathered any new reports since the first time he eavesdropped on her initial conversation with Donnie? He chewed his lip in thought, it was worrying that an infected patient actually made it all the way into the base the other day. Were there no noticeable signs of infection beforehand that anyone could pick up on? Or was the team that went out just inexperienced, or extremely incompetent?

If Leo hadn’t been there at the time, and acted quickly… his brows drew together, now caught up thinking about what could have happened.

He reached the end of the corridor, once again leaning around the corner to check for anyone else who would be up late at night.

Worst case scenario, the infection would have spread. It's frighteningly likely that the mutated beast that the human then could have became, would've then started infecting all of the unprotected patients in the med bay–

When a pair of high ranking personnel approached, a human and a humanoid yokai by the looks of their silhouettes in the dim light, Leo hastily leapt up to grip onto the rusty pipes and seamlessly blend into the shadows of the ceiling until they passed by on their routine patrol of the base.

Leo abruptly cut that train of thought off, he was there, he prevented what could have been a major blow to their people and morale. He doesn't need to dwell on it more than he already has been over these past few days.

He let his fingers relax their grip on the rusty pipes, and silently dropped back down to his feet and fluently transitioned into a crouch. Absentmindedly keeping a hand on the wall as he trotted down the new corridor.

It's been a few days since he snuck into one of the monitoring rooms where all of the security footage and cameras are. Since a majority of the resistance is likely sleeping, it would be a perfect opportunity to check them again tonight.

Leo straightened up his posture, now with a solid destination in mind for his plans tonight. 

Glancing over his shoulder from the shadows of the cloak's hood to confirm the path was clear and no one saw him, he let his eyes sweep over where he was when he paused.

Hang on a sec.

He peered intently at the doorways to his side, leaning forward for a better look when his eyes landed on a door he finally recognized.

Casey’s room.

He hesitantly raised a hand, halting before the fingers of Caden’s hand could brush against the worn handle.

Just a quick peek inside would be fine, right? He’s probably asleep right now, he wouldn't even know that Leo is there.

With a decisive nod, he grasped the handle and slid the door open an inch.

A murmuring of voices behind the cracked door made him halt.

…Was someone else already in there with him?

He took cautious feather-light steps towards the sound, and leaned down against the doorframe to slowly peek in through the crack, careful to not let his presence get noticed by casting any obvious shadows.

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but when they did he could spot a soft, warm golden glow illuminating the people inside, and he picked up on the quiet voices belonging to two people he recognized.

Miniature mystically conjured animals were swimming through the air around the room. One darted towards Casey and he playfully nudged it away with a giggle. Fish, Mikey had created small orange glowing fish this time, he peered closer when a couple swam past the door. Long and delicate fan shaped fins trailed behind the animals as they changed course, they looked a lot like Betta fish. Leo felt his stern facade crumble a little, a small smile gracing his face at the sight before him.

They resembled an artist's creative depiction of a tiny galaxy as they lazily swam and drifted around, twinkling as they moved. Shadows danced in the light they casted, like a swarm of candles had taken to the sky.

Mikey was seated beside Casey on the edge of his bed, a fistful of a blanket held in his hands as he pulled the patchwork fabric up and dropped it over his head. Leo watched as Casey gave an indignant shout and tossed it back down to his shoulders, his voice layered with laughter as he berated Leo’s brother, Mikey laughing along with him like the joy was contagious.

When they finished gasping for breath after the giggles subsided, Casey spoke up in a tentative voice “Could you… sing me to sleep tonight?”

“Sing? Me?? Aren't you a little old now for bedtime lullabies?” he chuckled in response, his face growing melancholy for a moment as he thought about the request.

“I'm not that old!” Leo held back a snicker when Casey grabbed a ragged-looking stray plushie and aimed it at Mikey’s head.

“ Hey —alright you! I surrender! Let's do it, did you have one in mind?”

“Do you know the song Leo sings?”

Mikey brightened up at the question, although his smile looked a little forced in the corners when he answered “That one! Yep, I know it”.

“Sing that one for me”

Leo tensed in the doorway, unknowingly gripping the fabric of his cloak a little harder. A fresh and sudden sense of loss burrowed its way down into his gut.

“I don't know how to play Leo's guitar, and I'm not as good at singing it as him, so it'll be a little different,” Mikey sheepishly replied, although he didn't say no.

“I don't mind, I just… I'd just like someone to sing it so we don't forget , until he remembers it again”

Mikey looked at Casey for a moment, and then nodded in agreement with a fond smile that reached his eyes. He cleared his throat quietly, briefly humming the familiar melody a few times to himself in preparation, before he opened his mouth and began singing in a surprisingly soft voice.

((Authors note: play “What We Have Is You” from Kipo, for the best experience))

“We may not have sunshine, or starlight, or weather, but we've got each other ~”

“-and that's even better ” Casey piped up to join in on the verse, harmonizing.

For a few heartbeats, they both hummed to a tune Leo knew like the back of his hand. Mikey leaned in closer with a warm and knowing grin, lightly bumping his snout against Casey’s forehead and scooping him up along with the blanket.

“You don't need the sun to keep you warm when you've got arms , wishes come from you and not a random shooting star”

The sound of them both singing along warmed Leo to his core “We may not have storm clouds, but the sky's always blue~ we've got something special here, and what we have is you”

Leo closed his stinging eyes and listened to Mikey finish the lullaby “What we have is you, what we have is you ”.

He took a stuttering breath, feeling a fiery warm sensation drip down his cheek, and tried very hard to cry silently . His heart and soul pounded in time with each other, longing and grief and love swelling up from inside. He already missed and cherished moments like these.

At a time like this, his decision to force Caden to keep the truth of this whole situation a secret from everyone, wavered uncertainly.

When Leo looked back up, some of the mystic fish had dissipated, the room slowly growing dimmer at his brother's command. Mikey was ending a hug and dropping Casey back down into bed, pulling up his blanket again and tucking it firmly around his shoulders.

“Sleep tight CJ, don't let the bedbugs bite”

One of the mystic Betta fish glided towards the slightly cracked door Leo was eavesdropping from, up close he could see the intricate details and patterns on the delicate and transparent fan-like fins of the tiny glowing creation as he studied it. He tentatively held out a finger towards it, and smiled fully when the little fish curiously investigated his hand.

It was almost like looking at the real deal, his littlest brother is so incredibly talented, and simply amazing to be able to do something like this …

He's glad Mikey is here to fill Leo's role of tucking Casey into bed at night, even singing him a lullaby.

…He actually didn't know until now, that Mikey knew he sometimes sang lullabies to the kid when he asked for one.

“Hey…”

Leo jolted out of surprise, and looked back over his shoulder into the mindscape, eyes widening and brow rising in stunned disbelief when he saw who it was.

Caden!? How long had he been there?

He quickly smoothed away his shocked expression and stared as Caden awkwardly stood there, arms tightly crossed over his plastron as his mouth flapped open and closed a few times before he finally spoke.

“I've–” his voice cracked on the first word, and Leo watched as he grimaced and sheepishly cleared his throat to continue “...I've never sensed you feeling like that before, what was it?”

Leo made sure to clamp his jaw shut before it could drop and reveal his thoughts, struck momentarily speechless in the moment.

He doesn't know… he’s never felt… ?

It was his turn to stumble, struggling for words to say in response. Has Caden never experienced love for another– to not even know what that is, when he felt Leo's emotions from wherever the hell he was in the mindscape?

How do you even respond, or form an answer to that?

He carefully leaned away from Casey’s door, ever so gently closing it to make sure it didn't squeak when it shut, and stood up fully to lean against the wall. He gave Caden his full attention, expression flat and unreadable when he asked: “Why did you come back?”.

“Somehow felt you feeling whatever that was,” he tossed a thumb over his shoulder, indicating the lifeless black void inside their shared mind “and it’s kinda dull back there after a while”.

Leo scoffed, crossing his own arms in response “No shit sherlock”.

Caden shot him a questioning glare that met his own, both of them refusing to break eye contact first. This new revelation about the turtle who’s body he was using, didn't make it any easier to squash down the earlier guilt. It just made it all the more harder to avoid getting attached to the kid, more than he already was. He would have to die twice before he ever entertained the possibility of ever feeling anything more than a begrudging acceptance towards Caden's existence.

He studied the kids face, his tense stance, the way his shoulders slumped in a despondent and tired fashion, his red-rimmed eyes that looked rubbed raw. If Leo searched any closer, he'd see the clear as day signs of someone who had been crying.

He felt a frown form at the corners of his mouth, unsure how he felt about what he saw.

Leo was the first to break the tense and slightly awkward silence when neither of them made a move to speak up, voicing something the other was probably thinking as well. In a slightly gentler tone than the one he used earlier, he hummed before he asked “What now?”.

Caden shrugged and his matching frown tugged lower, breaking eye contact first as he instead switched to studying his own feet, scuffing a foot against the floor.

He held back a resigned sigh, restraining the urge to rub at his face in case a headache began forming. Teenagers.

…

“I could tell you a pizza joke… But it would probably be cheesy”

Caden’s head shot up, and the way his snout scrunched up in a hilariously quizzical manner, confusion so obvious that it was practically palpable, was almost enough to make Leo bark out laughing in the real world.

He still heartily laughed at him in the mindscape.

A hard whack to his shoulder got him to stop and look up, wiping away a fake tear when Caden got his attention “Can I have my body back now?”

Maybe it was the burrowing guilt from earlier making itself known again, or the way Caden first looked at him with such a soul wrenching expression when he returned. But Leo smoothly stepped aside to allow Caden access to the controls.

There wasn't anything pressing or urgent for him to take control of his body right now, he can always check the security cams again another night.

“Aye aye, Captain” Caden swiped a hand through the air when Leo flicked at his forehead, not fast enough to bat it away before it hit its mark. Leo mock bowed, trying and failing to hide a snicker as he walked back to give Caden room.

─── ⋅•♦•⋅ ───

Caden stood up from where Leo had his body leaning against the wall, grimacing as he stretched his arms up over his head and feeling the muscles pop in response. His legs felt a little numb from standing still so long.

He wiped at his eyes, wondering if crying in the mindscape also meant he was crying in real life when his palms came back damp.

He’d only taken a handful of steps before he was abruptly brought to a halt.

“Leo!”

“What?” He jumped at the sudden shout from across the hall, then berated himself internally for responding to a name that doesn't belong to him. How is he supposed to get people to see him as Caden if he reflexively answers to Leonardo as well?!

Mikey quietly stepped out from the door Caden vaguely recalled leading to Casey’s room, and came bounding across the corridor.

“Hey Leo?”

“Caden”

“...Right- Caden, no matter what you call yourself now, you're still my big brother Leo deep down, just cuddle sized now! C’mere~”

“I’m not Leo– ” he snapped.

Mikey dismissed his words with a good natured eyeroll and lunged forwards, pulling him in with a surprisingly strong arm and into an unwilling hug. Caden squawked and attempted to pry himself free, but his forearms were sandwiched and stuck, and after multiple futile attempts at trying to wriggle out and Mikey's teasing chuckle at Caden's imprisonment, he soon gave up with a short and resigned sigh. He let his arms and legs fall limp, briefly surprising Leo's brother with the sudden lack of resistance.

He would have smirked at the way Mikey almost dropped him, if he wasn't still feeling pissed off from earlier.

Although Leo chuckled from behind him as he watched the interaction.

“What's this for?”

Mikey hummed, the sound reverberating in his chest that Caden was pinned against in the impromptu hug, purposefully drawing it out as he feigned ignorance “Hmmmmmmmm… Oh, this? You looked like you needed one”

Needed one?

What’s a hug meant to do and why did he need one?

Caden gagged when he felt Mikey's arms snake around him tighter, giving a final tight squeeze before he dropped him free. He glared when Leo’s youngest brother flipped his hood back up from where it had fallen during the hug, and met Caden’s eyes with a cheeky grin.

He wasn't fast enough to escape when an arm was casually flung over his shoulders, guiding him back down the corridor “So, i know insomnia is annoying and you love sneaking around like a little ninja master, but with the way Raph’s told me you've been training i thought for sure that you’d be sleeping like a baby at night”

A grunt was all Caden responded with, not entirely listening as he currently debated whether Mikey would let go or not if he bit the fingers that were a little too close to his face.

“I’ll walk you back to your room, you know how Raph doesn't want you wandering the base alone”

It was his turn to roll his eyes, at this rate Raph should consider just giving up trying to enforce that rule, neither him nor Leo actually followed it half the time.

He was right about the earlier comment though, he probably will sleep like a baby as soon as he hits the bedsheets. He felt wholeheartedly exhausted, both physically and emotionally.

When Mikey turned to face him with a devious grin, he leaned as far away as possible and gulped down the nerves that started bubbling up “You know… I just sang Casey to bed, want me to sing you to sleep as well?”

“What!?” Leo choked in the background, Caden could actually hear him struggling to comprehend what Mikey just offered. 

…

It was probably offered as a joke, but…

Seeing Leo’s reaction would all be worth it.

“Sure, why not”