Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s important to mention that Marlene doesn’t do mornings.

Her mom might think she does because that woman chooses to live in her own imaginary world, but as everyone in her school knows: she doesn’t do mornings.

During the year, she was always either late, or asleep on her desk. Regardless, students and teachers knew that Marlene McKinnon wouldn’t function properly until the clock marked at least eleven.

So, the alarm that goes off at nine o’clock in the morning is definitely one that she didn’t set for herself. Way to start a random Tuesday in the middle of June; irritated, annoyed, tired, and definitely irritated. Perhaps going to sleep after the sun started rising wasn’t the cleverest of ideas, but the movie she was watching (she wasn’t actually watching it, she was playing a game on her laptop) was definitely worth it (it wasn’t, she couldn’t win the game). 

She tries to bat her eyes open but doesn’t manage to go far from simply trying. The only thing she does manage to do is scrunch her eyebrows, beyond nettled by the piercing sound of the alarm that rang throughout her room. Then she attempts to do something else; she calls for the digital assistant on her phone to stop it, like she does every time the horrific verity of reality forces her to wake up early for one reason or another. But this time, the digital assistant doesn’t do anything, and the alarm doesn’t turn off. So, the only thing left for her to do is exasperatedly grunt and throw her pillow towards her dresser, where the alarm sat atop. 

And, of course, silently curse her mom. Because who else would have the cruelty to set an alarm for someone else and place it so far away from the bed. 

Very ingloriously, Marlene accepts the defeat. Cleary, her mom wants something of her, which is, like, absolutely terrifying because her mom’s requests vary. It can be a simple task such as to get something from a store she’s too busy to go pick up herself, but it can also be something like setting her up with a guy from the country club. Which is probably her biggest, hugest, most massive nightmare.

It would only make sense – from her mom’s point of view, of course. Marlene just finished school, she has an entire summer ahead of her that she’d rather spend with her friends who in no way belong in her family’s social circle. So, it would only make sense if her mom tried to set her up with some mediocre, blonde dude from one of the many she can spot here and there every time her mom drags her to the club. 

She turns the alarm clock off and takes it with her as she heads downstairs, eager to set it in front of her mom and chastise her for interrupting her sleep. Honestly, that would only make her mom even more upset with her, and she’d probably get chastised right back, but when did that ever stop her from doing anything?

Never. So, there she goes. She lets her hand slide on the polished oak bannister as she walks down the stairs, and from walking too fast, she can feel the loose elastic of her plaid pyjama pants drop on her lower waist. These dumb pants have started to annoy her, never sitting where she wants them to, and maybe it’s time to get rid of them. But she’s just too emotionally attached; she’s had them for so many years. 

Right before she takes a turn to go to the room she will most likely find her mom in, the doorbell rings.

Marlene rolls her eyes because it went off just as she passed by the front door and she can’t just ignore it, so she has to deal with whomever dropped by their house. And that never ends well, especially when she’s freshly woken up and already has a temper.

A significant detail about the McKinnons’ front door that Marlene absolutely hates is that it is lacking a window that would at least prepare her for who she’d find herself face to face with. Numerous times she’s answered the door just to hear one of her mom’s friends comment on how awful she looks and how good she could have looked if she got rid of the blue highlights on her blonde hair, grew it out, and started wearing clothes that girls wear. Because apparently, girls don’t wear jeans and t-shirts in their world.

If she were to hear that one more time, she’d punch a middle-aged lady in the face. And then this lady would have to worry about her own mess of appearance and leave Marlene alone. 

She braces herself for the worst, and pulls the bronze door handle.

Surprisingly, and rather thankfully, no judgemental lady is standing on the other side. Who Marlene does find on the other side of the door, however, is a girl. A girl that she’s never seen before, a girl that’s wearing a charming, floral summer dress that contrasts her brown complexion, and has thrown her coily hair in a bun. She is also wearing a smile, Marlene can’t help but notice, one of the brightest ones she has ever seen. 

Despite this girl’s beauty, though, Marlene can tell why she is outside of her house. If the fine silks of her dress aren’t enough of a giveaway, the Jimmy Choo sandals she’s paired it with are more than enough. She is her mom’s guest.

So, her reaction is completely logical. “Who are you?” She asks, expressionless. Her eyes are still tired and droopy, and not even this girl’s radiant smile could get her to liven-up. Not to mention that she doesn’t want to give her any wrong ideas, since her mom invited her. For all Marlene knows, she might be here to recruit her in some ridiculous country club activity. 

The girl’s smile doesn’t falter at Marlene’s blankness. “I’m Mary!” She says, extending a hand for Marlene to shake. Marlene looks at it warily, until she decides to shake it with the hand that isn’t holding an alarm clock. She must look so weird like that, walking around the house with the company of a clock. “You’re Marlene, right? Your mom has told me a lot about you.”

And just like that, she drops the hand. And she doesn’t care if she looks weird. 

Normally, she would have already shut the door in this girl’s face. But there is something about her, something about how she doesn’t exactly look like the usual copy-paste of her mom’s friends. She’s lacking about thirty years of age, the sourest expression one could muster, and a bunch of wrinkles. So, it gets Marlene wondering; why would she choose to spend her morning with Marlene’s mom of all people.

Now, confused, Marlene’s eyebrows furrow. And because she can’t really bother, she goes on to ask without much filtering, or any at all, “Why are you here?”

A perfect example of the ever so polite girl her mom always describes her as to new people she meets. Can’t have this Mary girl think whatever Marlene’s mom told her is true, right? Also a perfect example of Marlene’s pettiness. She doesn’t care if she looks bad as long as her mom gets mad because of it. It’s as simple as that.

Mary barely gets to say a total of two words before the shrieking voice of Marlene’s mom cuts her sentence short. 

“Mary!” Her mom comes to the door, wearing a huge smile and pulls Mary in a hug. “Welcome, dear, I was waiting for you!”

And as her mom invites her in, which Marlene hadn’t really thought of doing, Marlene crosses her arms in front of her chest and leans against a pillar next to the door, getting out of the way so Mary could walk in. Her eyes examine her mom and Mary greeting each other suspiciously. Surely, this has something to do with her; an alarm went off just before a girl around her age who has “heard a lot about her” came to their house. That can’t be a coincidence.

She doesn’t have enough time to figure it out, though, because her mom redirects her attention to her, and of course it’s not for anything positive. “Haven’t I told you not to wander around the house in your sleeping clothes? It’s improper.”

Marlene’s eye twitches. She looks down at her plaid pants and tank top, then looks back at her mom with the blankest stare. “I’m in my house,” she tries to reason. Unsuccessfully so.

“My house. So you need to follow my rules.” Her mom glares. That woman really has no positive bone in her entire body, it is truly the strangest thing. “Go on up and change. Quickly! We need to get going.”

Marlene’s eyebrows shoot up, and from head to toes, her entire body fills with dread. “Go where?”

Her mom smiles at Mary, then turns back to Marlene with a significantly less genuine smile. “Shopping, of course. You need some summer dresses!”

Oh, hell no.

・❥・

When the alarm went off earlier this morning, a couple thousand horrors went through Marlene’s mind. There could be a million reasons for why her mom had set it, but out of all of them, the reality is far more horrid. Because not even in her worst nightmare would she have to try on summer dresses with a random girl and her mom as an audience to criticise absolutely everything about her – and the dresses, but mostly her.

She stands awkwardly on shoes she has promised herself to never wear, regretting not sneaking out of the house while they were waiting for her to get ready. 

“It’s rather awkward,” Mary comments, looking her up and down. Marlene has grown immune to it by now, the stares and the comments. They stopped at approximately eight different shops before they chose every single ugly dress from this one. Mary looks at Marlene’s mom. “Don’t you think?”

“It’s Marlene’s stance that’s awkward. The dress is fabulous,” her mom says. Marlene can only sigh, and ignore the look on Mary’s face when she looks back at her because, in contrast to her mom’s, hers is unreadable. Marlene prefers being able to understand what someone is thinking about when they stare at her for so long.

She smiles at them both. “It’s a no, yes? Yes. I'll go change.” And back to the dressing room she goes. She plans to stay there for at least fifteen minutes.

After shop number four (or five, she can’t remember) she started taking extra time while changing into dresses. She’d use stupid excuses, that the zipper wasn’t working well or that the dress had a weird fit and it took her a while to put on, anything to waste as much time as possible. The later she was, the less dresses she’d have to try on until they had to go home.

And hopefully, then, the time would pass faster.

But it doesn’t. It passes slowly, painfully so.

In the dressing room, she notices there are no more dresses left to try on, and a little bit of hope resurrects. Still, that doesn’t mean there’s no time to waste, so instead of changing into her very comfortable sweatpants and going to find her mom, she changes and settles on the chair in the dressing room.

She pulls out her phone, replies to some of the messages in the band’s group chat, texts her best friend about this hellsent day, watches a couple of muted Tiktoks in case her mom is outside and the sound snitches on her, and after a good ten minutes, she decides it’s time to go back out.

Only she doesn’t find what she expected she would. She expected her mom and Mary would have gotten their things and prepared to leave – probably go to the next shop – but it’s not that. She finds Mary looking at some hung clothes, while her mom is nowhere in sight. It is very curious but Marlene can’t make herself pay it any mind, she’s just glad escaping turned out to be easier than she anticipated.

She walks up to the girl who has been acting like a friend of hers all morning and asks, “Where’s my mom?”

Her voice comes as a surprise to Mary because she seems startled when she turns around to face Marlene, but she still smiles at her. “She had to answer a phone call,” she informs, and fails to notice the visible satisfaction in Marlene’s face. “She told me to find something for you to try on, so, here, I have some—”

“Don’t care, see ya!” Marlene smiles sweetly, feeling the freedom as she heads for the door. Before she leaves, though, she adds, “Or not. I prefer the latter.” Because going through this again would be her definition of hell. And she’s out the door.

What she doesn’t expect to happen, however, is Mary following after her. She’s walking down the sidewalk, observing what other shops there are in this area and trying to spot a bus station when a warm hand grasps her wrist and stops her in her tracks.

Confused, she turns around to face the girl with the perfect makeup, and the perfect attitude. She understands why her mom invited her to come shopping with them. Mary is the perfect example of who Marlene’s mom wants Marlene to be. And that makes her furious. Both at her mom and at Mary. 

She raises a judgemental eyebrow at her and nods towards her trapped wrist. Mary retracts her hand immediately. “Can I help you?” Marlene asks.

“Where are you going?”

Marlene looks around, not finding a reason to stay and talk to Mary, but still doing so. “Uh, I don’t know. Anywhere,” she informs. “Probably to the ice cream shop down the street.”

Mary frowns at her. “Your mom is trying to bond with you.”

At that, Marlene can’t help but laugh. Sticking around wasn’t the greatest idea, after all, so she continues to walk. And, for some reason, Mary follows her. Sarcastically, Marlene asks, “Is she?”

“Yes,” Mary states firmly. What would have to be going on in someone’s head to believe that practically forcing someone to go shopping and try on clothes that they really don’t want to wear is a form of bonding? 

“See, now, I don’t think she is,” Marlene says. “So you can stop following me now.”

Mary did not, in fact, stop following her. “If you come back now, I’ll tell her we should get going because I have somewhere to be. You can’t just leave.”

“Sure I can.” Marlene smiles. God forbid she gets some ice cream in peace. “Look, princess, you don’t know me,” she reasons as she pushes the door to the ice cream shop open and walks in, having had enough of whatever this pretend-friendship is. “I don’t know why you’re acting like you do, but you don’t. And, frankly, I don’t know you either. So, can you just… I don’t know, leave me alone?”

Mary stares. “Your mom told me to hang out with you because you need some proper friends.”

Marlene laughs bitterly. “She makes me sound like a charity case.” She pauses to ask for two different flavours and some chocolate syrup from the employee before she looks back at Mary. “I have friends, she just doesn’t want me to hang out with them.”

“Why?” Mary asks.

“Because my friends hang out at pubs, my friends play the drums, my friends are not part of our social class, and my friends are queer.” She flashes a smile. “Plenty of reasons, take your pick.”

“And why doesn’t she want you to hang out with them?”

Shocking, the first debutante that doesn’t find a problem with everything Marlene mentioned. The question earns her the most dumbfounded look. Why wouldn’t her mom want her to hang out with them, she wonders. As if their society isn’t the most classist, misogynistic and homophobic group of people. Marlene pays for her ice cream, and clicks her tongue. “I’ll let you figure that one out yourself.”

And she leaves a confused Mary in the ice cream shop. This time, she doesn’t follow her.

・❥・

James laughs at her face when Marlene tells him what she’s been up to all morning. And rightfully so.

Of all people in the club, James is the only one who gets just how awful their side of society is. Maybe that’s because he’s not part of it – his family is more than qualified, but unlike Marlene’s, they don’t want to participate in it. Now, why James spends every afternoon at the country club is an entirely different conversation. 

And he too got laughed in the face when he told Marlene he got a summer job in the place they have been trash talking for years.

“Mary Macdonald,” James repeats for the fifth time. Truthfully, Marlene only knew her by her last name. That’s why when James realised which Mary Marlene was talking about, he shockingly said ‘Mary Macdonald?!’ and Marlene was caught unprepared. Mary is the club’s golden girl, her parents own a big part of it, she always knows what to say and who to talk to, and Marlene had never bothered enough to put a face on the name. She always just heard Macdonald this, and Macdonald that, and she just grew to dislike her.

It sucks that in reality, she isn’t this horrible person she was building in her mind, but she is willing to look past that. Because, admittedly, she might be nice but not nice enough to get Marlene to like her. Plus, Marlene knows for a fact that the group she hangs out with are some of the most horrible people she had the displeasure of meeting.

“Does that mean you’re going to start hanging out with them?” James asks, nodding towards the club’s patio where the deb tea party was being organised by some girls.

Marlene takes a sip of her lemon coke and shakes her head. “I’d rather die.”

James smirks jokingly at her. “Why not, they seem like such nice girls!” He laughs, knowing very well that these are the same girls that will ruin your life if you don’t meet their standards. And, guess what, Marlene doesn’t. 

“You go join them, I bet they’d love you,” she says, shrugging nonchalantly as if what she’s saying is nothing but the truth. 

James clicks his tongue. “I can’t. Working.”

“Is that what you’re doing?” Marlene raises an eyebrow at him, and he looks away, rolling his eyes.

“Yes, Marlene, I’m a professional,” he lies. Marlene laughs at his ridiculousness.

“Of course,” she mocks, nodding her head in faux agreement. “Definitely not ogling one of the Black Brothers during his tennis lesson.”

“Definitely not.”

Marlene shakes her head, smiling at her friend’s stupidity. Now, if she were to practically fall in love with a girl from the country club, her life would be over. She’d likely end it herself because first of all, no one wants to date someone that has the mindset of most of the people in the club. Second of all, it just wouldn’t work with all the homophobia, obviously. And, last but not least, liking a straight girl never, ever ends well.

Without realising, her eyes trail towards the patio, which is where they catch a glimpse of the girl she met this morning looking radiant in a long pastel dress. In a sudden, Mary turns and directs her gaze exactly where Marlene was seated, making her wonder if she noticed her earlier and turned around for a second glance, and like that, their eyes meet. There’s a pool, and a small hill separating them, but still, they stare at each other.

Mary dares to smile at her, even wave at her from afar. Marlene ignores her.

She turns back to her best friend. “Stop staring at him and get me another lemon coke.” James shoots her a dirty look, so Marlene smiles sweetly and bats her eyelashes. “Pretty please.”

Chapter Text

Before going to sleep, Marlene was foolish enough to believe that the previous day’s start was a one time thing. That is why, for the second day in a row, she finds herself in a fit of pique, having her sleep interrupted once again. As if all the scolding she had to endure as soon as her mom was back home yesterday wasn’t enough, of course there had to be yet another alarm.

This time, she doesn’t wake up as calmly as last morning, no. Instead, she quite literally jumps awake. The very few hours of sleep she has gotten the past two days definitely hit her like a train this morning. It’s one thing to get woken up early, when she’s mostly gotten her needed sleep and only wants to sleep in, and another thing entirely to get woken up before she even had the time to settle in her sleep. If that makes sense to anyone.

It felt difficult to even keep her eyes open for longer than two seconds, and yet she was expected to deal with whatever plans her mom had made this time. Life was truly unfair to her.

The alarm is still going off as she decides it’s not loud enough to convince her to get up. It’s a little annoying, sure, but Marlene can definitely get used to it if it means that she can spend a few more minutes in bed. 

She falls back on the mattress, laying on her back, letting the fan overhead trick her body into ignoring the heat of the day, and her thoughts slowly spiral away as her eyes close again. 

One of the main things she focuses on is the band. They were supposed to rehearse today, but Marlene doubts her mom will make it easy to sneak out yet again. Marlene might have been foolish, thinking the last day’s events wouldn’t have a repeat. But her mom, on the other hand, isn’t foolish enough to think Marlene won’t try to leave again. So, she simply won’t let it happen.

Which is, like, beyond annoying. She hasn’t practised with the band in over a week, and they have a gig coming up in a week or so. And, however shocking it might seem (not at all), it is always her fault that a rehearsal is cancelled. One day she can’t sneak out, the other day her mom drags her to the club, and another day her mom catches her red-handed, trying to leave from the window to avoid the interrogation that would come with leaving from the front door. It’s almost like she knows Marlene is secretly in a band and is trying to stop her from meeting with them. Honestly, Marlene wouldn’t put it past her.

Very faintly, Mary passes her trail of thought. She wonders whether she would have better plans had it not been for her mom, or whether she had to cancel plans to follow them around and pretend to be Marlene’s new bestie. Marlene supposes her plans would probably be a tea with the debs, or shopping with the debs, or, heaven forbid, tennis with the debs. If it came to it, she doesn’t know if she’d choose to hang out with the debs, or with her mom, both sound almost equally horrid. Almost.

She would probably choose her mom, because with her, there’s at least a mutual understanding of how much Marlene doesn’t want to be there.

But back to the band. Before she gets up, she has to text Lily and let her know she won’t be joining them. Lily is the only safe choice; if she chose to tell Remus that she couldn’t go, she would get cursed at. Similarly, if she told Dorcas, she’d have to deal with a whole load of “Just tell her to fuck off and come here. Now!” in addition to the cursing. While Lily just understood. Or tried to, at least. She would probably take a dig at her, but she’d eventually say it’s okay and that she understands. Then she’d tell the others.

Marlene sighs and grabs her phone from her nightstand. Ignoring a couple of messages and notifications, she goes straight for her chat with Lily, and after a short text, she drops her phone by her side and sighs deeply, letting her eyes fall close. 

Then the ringing comes back. 

She’s managed to completely ignore it for a total of, what, five minutes? That’s good enough. Her eyes blink open, and she finally accepts her second defeat as she gets up to turn off the alarm. Now, Marlene won’t be this dumb for a third day in a row, so she must find a way to stop her mom from waking her up again tomorrow. Differently, she will literally pass out mid pretend-friendship hangout.

As if the ringing of the alarm wasn’t already a sufficient and unnecessary amount of nuisance and a headache causing sound, her phone starts ringing. She answers it with a sigh. 

“What happened this time?” Lily asks as soon as the line connects, skipping greetings and everything. 

“My mom has this idea that if I make friends with a debutante I will suddenly want to be a debutante too,” Marlene explains. Simultaneously, she thinks how insane of a problem that must sound to someone who isn’t part of their society. Maybe it doesn’t even sound like an actual problem. “So I’m forced to hang out with some debutante.”

Lily’s microphone picks up her tired exhale, and Marlene hears it from the speaker of her phone. “Can’t you bail?”

“Don’t go all Dorcas on me,” Marlene warns. 

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore, Marlene! We have to rehearse!” Lily complains, and Marlene starts feeling bad, knowing there is really nothing she can do. 

She chews on the inside of her cheek. “I know… I wish I could come, mate, but there is no way my mom will let me.”

Lily goes silent for a few seconds, probably considering whether she should just curse her out or not and, honestly, Marlene braces herself for the cursing. That is until she hears Lily sigh. “The gig is next Tuesday. We have to rehearse our set at least a couple of times until then. Put it in your schedule, plan ahead, I don’t know, just make it work. Okay?”

Although she knows Lily can’t see her, Marlene nods along as she agrees. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Lily repeats after her. “Love you, see you whenever.”

“Love you, see you whenever,” Marlene says back, as she usually does. And they hang up the phone.

Now, she has to find something to wear. She’s pretty sure most of her clothes are in the washer or the dryer, or waiting to be ironed and folded. And sooner or later she’ll have to iron them, but for now, she’s just putting it off for as long as possible.

It’s not like anything is stopping her from ironing only what she will wear and only just before she wears it, right? Except her mom, obviously.

She fishes for something in her closet, and comes back with a pair of jeans that were either too large or too small on her the last time she put them on (too large, judging by the looks of them), and an old cropped-by-scissors Fleetwood Mac t-shirt. 

She takes her time putting them on, hoping she’s wasting time while knowing she’s probably not. If she were wasting time in any way, her mom would be screaming at her right now. And as soon as they’re on, she inspects herself in the mirror until she decides that, good enough, this outfit will do. The jeans were definitely too baggy for her, though, and didn’t even sit on her hips. So, before she leaves her room, she wraps a belt around her waist.

・❥・

In town, there are loads of cafés and bistros that meet the standards of a wealthy person that refuses to go anywhere that isn’t absolutely lavish, and luckily, Marlene’s mom decided they should go to one of those instead of the club. She had informed Marlene that the morning’s plan consisted of tea and brunch, and Marlene was sure that that meant going to the country club. She has never been more glad to be wrong.

It’s not that she hates the club — or, well, she does absolutely hate the club, but that’s not the main reason she doesn’t want to go with her mom and Mary this morning. It’s just that James is working the morning shift today, and if he saw her having tea with Mary Macdonald and her mom, she’d never hear the end of it. It would be an infinite source of mocking material, and she’d like to avoid that.

She’s free to mock him for his hopeless crush on Regulus Black, but he is not free to mock her for anything. It’s just how it is. If she was the one crushing on a fancy heir to some rich family, he’d have every right to mock her as well. But she’s not that dumb.

She sits on a velvety chair, witnessing the most boring conversation she’s ever heard (that is an overstatement, she has had loads of conversations that rank higher on the boring scale) while sipping on overpriced tea.

“Have you chosen your dress or not yet?” Her mom asks Mary. They have been talking about this damned debutante ball for the past hour and a half. At least they only try to include Marlene every half an hour, which isn’t nearly as often as she thought.

Mary brings her teacup on her lips and takes a sip, in the most graceful way Marlene has ever seen. How can it even be possible to gracefully drink a drink, you just take a sip. Yet Mary has managed to achieve that. “I have,” She replies, and Marlene’s mom smiles at the news. “But it didn’t fit me quite right so it’s getting fixed now. It’ll be ready just in time for the ball.”

“That’s excellent,” her mom expresses. “I’m sure you will look amazing.” And the pause that follows is dreadful, because Marlene knows her mom well enough to know that the small glance she sends her means she’s about to be brought into the conversation. And that’s exactly what happens. “If all goes well, you will be looking at debutante dresses this time next year too, Marlene.”

Marlene smiles at her mom. “If all goes well, I won’t be here this time next year, mom.”

She has the opportunity to leave and not come back, and she’s not going to let it go to waste. She’s finished high-school, she’s gotten an all-paid scholarship at a very good university (that might require her to play tennis a lot, but she’s willing to do that if it means leaving without counting on her mom to survive), and, like she said, if all goes well, she won’t come back next year. James and her are planning to spend next summer at his house in Greece, so she’ll hopefully go from uni to Greece and then back to uni. Dream life.

“Marlene,” her mom warns, tone sharp. 

But Mary interrupts. “Where will you be?”

It doesn’t come off as sarcastic, or judgemental, or any similar to how her mom talks to her. Marlene raises an eyebrow, intrigued by Mary’s genuine interest. “Probably Greece. But anywhere other than here would be fine.”

Mary tilts her head. “How come?” 

A corner of Marlene’s mouth lifts, forming a smirk. “You haven’t figured it out yet, I’m guessing?”

Her mom’s expression turns confused. Mary opens her mouth to reply, but Marlene’s mom is quicker, and interrupts her. “What are you—” Only to be interrupted herself by her cellphone. She cuts her sentence short, glancing at her phone before deciding she has to take it, and excuses herself for a minute.

Marlene and Mary stay silent, now left alone with each other. It’s interesting how Mary looks at her, Marlene thinks, like she’s a puzzle to be solved. She too stares curiously as the girl sitting opposite her picks up her cup and takes yet another graceful sip of tea. 

And, as shocking as it may seem, it’s Marlene that breaks the silence. “I have too much pressure on me here. I can’t ever just be myself without a little voice in my ear telling me I’m doing life wrong.” She takes a sip of tea before she gives the other girl a lopsided grin. “Since you can’t figure it out yourself.”

Mary nods lightly. “I see.” 

“You see?”

“Mh-hm,” Mary hums, a gentle smile on her face. She raises her shoulders in a small shrug. “I mean, I get it. This life, tea parties, and debutante balls, it’s not for everyone.”

Marlene stares agape. She wonders, very briefly, if Mary just knows what to say to agree with her company at all times, no matter who her company is. There has never been a debutante – and Marlene has met almost all of the debutantes of the past years, thanks to her mom – that has had such an open mind towards anything that isn’t part of the social bubble they have created. It is the strangest thing, but they just wouldn’t accept anything and anyone different.

“It’s not,” she agrees, falling short on words to say. What even is there to say? If Mary were to disagree, Marlene could start a fight. But it is oh so rarely that someone happens to agree with her, and she’s not prepared to continue the conversation after the agreeing part. So she turns the conversation to Mary. “And is it for you?”

“Yes,” Mary says all too quickly in a bland tone; it makes Marlene wonder just how true it is. It makes her wonder if Mary actually means it. It would be crazy if the club’s golden girl hated this life, it would be a clear sign of just how awful it is. Mary clears her throat. “Yeah, it is. I’m guessing it’s not for you?”

“Me?” Marlene almost laughs out loud. “Absolutely not.” 

“Yeah, well,” Mary raises her eyebrows, and looks her up and down, “I think it’s a bit obvious.”

This time, Marlene does laugh. “Yeah, I think so, too.”

And now, now that they finally got to talking, now that it’s finally not an ongoing awkward silence, and now that Marlene actually gets to say something that isn’t debutante ball related, now her mom returns from wherever she had gone to answer her call. Well, here goes another couple of hours of talking dresses, debutante ball plans, and cake flavours for Mary’s upcoming eighteenth birthday. 

Or, apparently, not. 

“I’m afraid I have to leave you girls,” her mom says as soon as she takes a seat, reaching for her bag. “But by all means, you girls can stay here and chat. You can have my card to pay.”

Wow, her mom really does want her to become friends with Mary. Giving her her card? That’s borderline insanity from her mom’s part. She’s been so sure that if Marlene was given the card, she’d purchase the most expensive and unnecessary object. For some reason. 

That fear of her mom’s probably started when a gaming console magically appeared in Marlene’s bedroom. How did that happen? James got a new one and gave this one to Marlene, knowing her mom would never allow her to buy something that will only “waste her time” and “turn her stupid.” Yet her mom is convinced Marlene somehow bought the console herself. It was the same with her guitar, only that she did buy for herself. 

There are so many girls that will buy the designer clothes Marlene’s mom continues to buy for her. Drop the prices a little bit, and she has herself a deal. This way, the clothes can be worn by someone who actually wants to wear them, and Marlene gets to have money to do whatever she wants. It’s perfect.

“I have to go to the office to make sure some things are going as planned,” Marlene’s mom explains, replying to Mary’s concerned “Is everything okay?”  

So much for not making it easy to escape this hell. 

When her mom eventually leaves, the awkward silence along with the staring returns. Marlene can’t be this complicated of a puzzle to be stared at for so long, it’s rapidly becoming more and more uncomfortable. So she slouches on her chair and drops her shoulders, looking at Mary with sharp eyes. 

“What?” She asks.

Mary shakes her head lightly, finally looking away. “Nothing.”

“It’s obviously something,” Marlene reasons. “Out with it, princess.”

Mary opens her mouth to say something, then promptly closes it again. She takes in a large breath, holds it for a moment, then slowly lets it out. Marlene can’t help but notice how her hands fidget with the white table cloth as if they’re trying to make it sit straighter on the table. “Forgive me if it comes off as… rude, but I just don’t understand why your mom is… you know…”

“The way she is?” Marlene completes.

Mary nods. “Yeah. Towards you specifically.” Marlene almost scoffs. Is Mary’s family really so nice that she can’t imagine why Marlene’s mom is the way she is? It seems too impossible. “She makes you look like you’re this nightmare of a daughter, and I just don’t get it because you’re actually nice.” She rolls her eyes and flashes Marlene a smile. “If we ignore a couple of things.”

Marlene chuckles, looks down at the table. “My mom has this… image. She has to uphold it,” she explains. “And in that image, there is no space for her lesbian daughter that has blue hair and refuses to dress like… well, like you.” It’s only after the words leave her mouth that she realises they might sound a bit rude. So, she adds, “No offence.”

But Mary doesn’t seem to be stuck on that. Instead, she seems to be stuck on something else, something that Marlene didn’t really think twice before saying. “You’re a lesbian?” she asks with wide eyes.

And for some reason, Marlene’s stomach drops at the question. It doesn’t make any sense, she’s more than comfortable with who she is, and she has dealt with lots of people who weren’t comfortable with who she is. She shouldn’t be shocked that Mary would have a problem with it, and she shouldn’t be bothered that Mary , of all people, has a problem with it. It’s not like she likes the girl, she only hangs out with her because of her mom. Sure, she might have gotten the hint that she’d be okay with it from previous conversations, but again, there have been loads of times where it has been proven to Marlene that it’s one thing to talk about or mention queer people, and an entirely different thing to know, or, of course, meet someone who is queer. 

Mary’s reaction isn’t what doesn’t make any sense, it’s Marlene’s reaction to her reaction that doesn’t. Because she shouldn’t be bothered by it at all.

She swallows her tea, then nods as nonchalantly as she can. “Yep.” She raises an eyebrow at the girl sitting opposite her who’s currently eyeing her in a way that Marlene can’t quite understand. “That a problem?”

Mary’s eyes go even wider, if that’s even possible. “No!” She denies quickly, causing Marlene’s eyebrows to furrow. “Of course not!” 

Marlene smirks. It seems like she was wrong for the second time this day. “Right.”

And, apparently, Mary feels the need to prove her claim. “My aunt is actually pansexual, so.” Mary clears her throat, clearly uncomfortable but not by what Marlene expected. It’s almost like she’s just scared to make Marlene feel uncomfortable. “My family has a problem with it, but I, um, don’t. Yeah. So, I don’t have a problem with it.”

“Princess,” Marlene says, a lopsided grin now formed on her lips. Okay, maybe Mary’s not so bad after all. Not implying that Marlene actually likes her, but she doesn’t completely dislike her. “I got it. You don’t have a problem with it, you can calm down.”

Mary lets out a relieved breath mixed with a chuckle. “Okay. Sorry.” She looks around the café then slaps her knees and looks back at Marlene. “Shall we go?”

Marlene shrugs. “Sure.” And she asks for the check from a very pretty waitress.

Ten minutes, and a short walk filled with small talk later, Marlene and Mary stand at the end of the block, waiting for Mary’s mom to pick her up, because it’s only decent to keep Mary company until her mom is there. There’s a pharmacy a few buildings down, Marlene notices, and it gives her one of the greatest ideas in the world. If she wants to get some proper sleep, she must find a way to do that because she can’t just hope her mom will take pity on her. And find a way, she did.

A BMW stops right in front of them and Mary turns to her with a smile. “See you tomorrow,” she says.

Marlene clicks her tongue. “You probably won’t.”

Mary’s eyebrows furrow. “Why?”

“I’ll most likely be dead,” Marlene explains calmly, as if what she’s saying makes perfect and total sense.

Mary opens her mouth to say something but closes it back up only a second later. She looks around as if the air will solve her most evident confusion and when it doesn’t, as expected, she turns to Marlene with wondering eyes and furrowed eyebrows. She signals to her mom that she’ll need a bit of time without actually looking at the car, and then finally she says, “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

“I mean,” Marlene says as she shoves her hands in her pockets and leans closer as if she’s sharing a secret. “My mom will probably kill me when I don’t wake up in time tomorrow.”

“Oh!” Mary’s eyes go wide. “Oh, God, you scared me!”

“Sorry,” Marlene laughs.

“Why won’t you wake up in time?” she asks as soon as she recovers from her shock.

“Because,” Marlene starts, “I’m buying earbuds. There’s just no way in hell that I’ll wake up so early for a third day in a row.”

“A true morning person, I see.” Mary smiles jokingly.

“Ha! Funny.” Who even is, honestly? Who delights in waking up early and for whatever reason. Literal insanity.

Mary looks at the car waiting for her, looking like she’s in a rush. “Right. Give me your phone number.”

Marlene frowns. “Huh? Why?” No offence, she’s decided that she doesn’t dislike Mary, but she doesn’t need to be chatting with her on the phone now. She wants to keep it to acquaintances and/or pretend best friends, and not to actual friends. No offence, again.

“So we can plan these things ourselves and maybe choose a better time so you can sleep a little more,” Mary explains, and despite herself, Marlene finds that she has a really good point. So, she fishes for her phone from her back pocket, and opens a new contact, passing it to Mary.

Mary smiles, types her number and then gives herself a call so she can save it. And that’s when she finally has to go. “Don’t let her kill you, see you tomorrow!”

Marlene can’t help but smile back. “Later, princess.”

Chapter Text

Marlene thought her mom would kill her, she really did.

Yesterday, right after Mary left, she went to the pharmacy and bought a couple pairs of earbuds, the best ones too. She paid just a little more to ensure she wouldn’t wake up earlier than she wanted to. Which, obviously, would lead to her murder.

Yet this morning she wakes up way later than all the other days, and very clearly, still alive. That is truly a wonder. Her mom didn’t even yell at her or push the blinds open to let in the sunlight in hopes that it would wake her up, she did none of these. She didn’t even stop the fan overhead so she’d wake up from overheating. It’s the weirdest thing, really, but Marlene can’t quite convince herself to care. 

She takes off the earbuds, happy to have survived the alarm with them, but tired of how much they bothered her ears, and settles back on her pillow to continue her sleep. And then she gets to thinking. Is it actually possible that her mom just let her sleep through the alarm that she set for her? It just doesn’t seem like something that she’d let her do and get away with, so she just has to wonder if everything is okay.

All is answered when, unexpectedly, the alarm clock on top of her dresser goes off two entire hours later than it did the previous couple of days. And she has never been more confused.

She sits up immediately, looking up at the clock hung over the wall-mounted television, and she starts to doubt just how correct the time it’s displaying is. She grabs her phone to check the time, yet her eyes land on something else before they do on the clock on top of the screen. There’s a text there, a text from a number she only saved a day ago.

Mary Macdonald

Your mom thinks I'm busy with the debs. Enjoy a couple more hours of sleep!!❤️

Marlene blinks, rereads it, then blinks again. A smile starts to unfold on her lips, one that she doesn’t understand is there, and all of a sudden, she finds it very difficult not to like Mary. Okay, she has to admit, there’s a reason everyone in the club likes her. Hell, she somehow managed to get Marlene to like her. It’s a true talent.

In contrast to Mary, literally no one in the club likes Marlene. For some reason. Well, for a reason that is very obvious, actually. 

And it is repeatedly proven every time Marlene goes to the club, either that is by herself to find James, or with her mom because she practically got dragged there. And, it gets proven once again today, when she passes the main entrance to the club by her mom’s side, going straight for the cafe where Mary is most likely waiting for them, and the receptionist gives her the nastiest of looks. But that’s most likely personal, Tilly has always had it out for her.

One of the many reasons Marlene hates going to the club with her mom, apart from the obvious, of course, is that she just has to stop and greet every single lady that calls her name. The very tiny walk from the reception to the restaurant or the cafe turns into a fifteen minute walk since they have to stop every two seconds so her mom can talk about her entire week with yet another copy-paste of all the ladies in the club.

And, of course, the dreaded moment always comes, the moment where they turn to Marlene and expect to hear that she spent her week doing something as equally boring as what her mom was telling them. Marlene always just shrugs and says something along the lines of “watched movies” or “played video games” because she couldn’t say that she spent most of her time at her friend’s garage playing guitar and writing songs. 

This time, she leans against a wall and tries to keep as quiet as possible to avoid getting mentioned. She prefers listening to her mom and a random lady that she has probably seen before but does not recollect meeting talk about work, than have to talk to them herself. She really lives nightmare after nightmare this week.

She silently pulls out her phone, and only now replies to the text Mary sent her around an hour ago. 

Marlene McKinnon

wanna save me from a long and boring conversation with my mom and her friends?

The text turns from delivered to seen almost instantly, and a tiny smile paints itself on her face.

Mary Macdonald

Where are you?

Marlene McKinnon

hallway outside the restaurant 

She’s left on seen and the only thing left to do is hope that Mary will come and save her.

Meanwhile, the conversation slowly turns to her. Witnessing the shift from her mom to herself is truly a horrid experience. The lady, Agatha, as Marlene gathered from this conversation between her and her mom, turns to her with the most sourful expression, yet she tries to mask it with faux delight. “Marlene, have you picked your dress, or not yet?”

Oh, for crying out loud.

Marlene’s eyebrows furrow and she has to stop herself from laughing in this woman’s face. She tilts her head forward, the confusion in her face evident. “Hm?”

Agatha gives her a sharp glare. “Your debutante dress. For the ball,” she elaborates.

However, something stops Marlene from saying the most toneless “no” she can muster – someone, is a better term. Mary comes to the rescue just in time, stepping by Marlene’s mom’s side and greeting them with that welcoming smile she always spares everyone. Looking at her, Marlene thinks that not many people deserve to be smiled at so genuinely, and these club people definitely don’t.

But, in all honesty, Marlene doesn’t deserve to be smiled at so genuinely either. Yet Mary always flashes the same genuine smile at her.

“Hello, ladies,” the girl in question joins in confidently. Marlene doesn’t know if she’s glad she couldn’t worsen her image even more or sad because she was robbed off the joy of worsening her image even more. Perhaps she’s a bit of both. 

As if only just remembering they were supposed to meet Mary at the cafe, Marlene’s mom’s eyes go wide, but in an elegant way, if that’s even possible. “Mary, dear, forgive us, we were catching up with my good friend Agatha here. You’ve met Agatha, yes?”

Mary nods lightly as she smiles at them both. “I have. It’s good to see you again, Miss Abelstein.” Marlene still finds it odd how she can talk to them as if they’re people she wants to talk to. She refuses to believe that she actually does want to talk to them. “I’d love to chat with you, ladies, however, I’m just here to steal Marlene from you, if that’s okay. I need her help with some debutante ball… stuff.”

Oh, Mary really did understand Marlene’s mom very well. Marlene can practically see the joy that flashes in her mom’s eyes as soon as her name and the word debutante are in the same sentence, and honestly, she thinks she really underestimated Mary. She just didn’t think the girl that her mom literally recruited to make Marlene behave more properly would actually help her get out of situations she was supposed to tell her she should like.

Marlene’s eyes, without realising, trail to Mary. 

Through her bright smile, Marlene’s mom says, “You girls go on, I’ll join you in a tad.”

And, simple as that, Marlene escapes. With Mary’s very much needed help, of course. Mary locks their arms, excuses herself and drags Marlene towards the general area of the club. The exact opposite way, she notices, from the cafe, but she doesn’t question it because, really, why would she? She got out of a very unpleasant conversation, and that is that. 

“My saviour,” she exclaims with a swoony smile as soon as they’re out of earshot, nudging Mary’s side with her shoulder. 

Mary smiles in a way that shows Marlene that maybe, just maybe, the smile she so easily offers to everyone isn’t as genuine as she thought it is. She smiles in a way that shows Marlene she actually enjoys her company, and she smiles in a way that makes Marlene smile back. For some reason.

“You owe me one.” Mary nudges back.

Marlene clicks her tongue. “I owe you two,” she points out. “Thanks for this morning.”

“No problem.” Mary nods. “I couldn’t let your mom murder you, now could I?”

“No,” Marlene shakes her head firmly. “Suppose you couldn’t.”

Mary spares her a little glance and a tiny smile before her features turn as serious as they can. “Plus, eyebags don’t suit you.”

“I see. Thanks for maximising my hotness.”

Still, Marlene doesn’t know where they’re walking to. And although Mary has no reason to keep their arms interlocked, she doesn’t let go of her. Which Marlene thinks is nice. Any other girl in the club would not want to be seen even hanging around her, yet Mary has no problem talking to her, and walking with her, and being her friend. In front of everyone. Including the girl that walks up to them, literally screeching in delight to see Mary. She sends Marlene a weird look before starts talking to the girl next to her.

This girl who seems to know Mary, grabs Mary’s hand with the brightest, yet fakest smile on her face and kisses both of her cheeks. Well, not actually kisses, it’s just that idiotic gesture of leaning in to kiss someone’s cheek without actually doing so. These girls have taken it to a whole different level, they keep a distance of minimum seven centimetres from the others face as if going any closer would drop a bucket of homoerotisim on them.

“Mary! Oh, lovely, I haven’t seen you in so long, ” the girl says, emphasising the last couple of words way too much. Marlene’s eye twitches and she subtly checks if Mary plays into this overly cheerful greeting. To no surprise, she is. The Mary Marlene has met is so very different from the Mary the others meet. Momentarily, she wonders whether this Mary, the one that Marlene is getting to know, is any more genuine than the one the others have met. She doubts it, but she still hopes that she is. “I heard,” the girl continues, “that you volunteered for the debutante ball! I couldn’t believe it, darling, it’s going to be absolutely fab. ”

Mary chuckles, nodding gently. “Yes, I wanted an activity for the summer, and what’s better than choosing flowers, tablecloths and scheduling stuff?” She says scheduling as if it’s the most dreadful thing. Marlene supposes it is.

“I love making schedules! Oh, you’re so lucky, darling, I’m jealous!” The girl exclaims, causing Marlene to snort a laugh. Both the other girls turn to look at her, but there is a huge difference in how they look at her. The girl sizes her up and looks like she’s about to call her a homophobic slur and Mary… Well, Mary looks at her like she too is about to laugh. Marlene excuses herself, but a tiny smirk remains on her lips. At least now she knows that her Mary is a tiny bit more genuine than this girl’s Mary. Instead of the slur, the girl says in an incredibly judgmental tone, “Are you a debutante, too?”

Marlene stares blankly. “Not even at gunpoint.”

“Okay!” Mary says loudly, and claps her hands once. “It was lovely talking to you, Martha, but I’m afraid my friend Marlene and I have to go now.” She pauses to glare at Marlene. “Bye.”

And back to dragging Marlene around they go. Before Martha even gets to say anything else, too. And of course, Marlene goes willingly even though if she were to say anything, she’d most likely complain.

“You don’t always have to be so rude,” Mary comments as soon as they’re out of earshot. 

Marlene rolls her eyes playfully. “I’m not rude.”

“You’re not exactly nice, either.”

“No harm in that.” Marlene flashes a lopsided grin. “Since I’m not rude, I mean.”

Mary stops in her tracks. Right outside the bathroom door, Marlene notes. She looks at her. “Well… you do come off as rude sometimes.” And she pushes the door, walking in.

Marlene follows along and watches as Mary reaches into her blue Longchamp bag and pulls out a small white makeup pouch that’s decorated by light blue floral embroideries. She leans against the white tile of the restroom but doesn’t turn her body away from the girl in front of her and, although her hands were originally in her pockets, they’re now holding the makeup pouch that Mary pushed into her chest and expected her to hold. The makeup pouch that for some reason that utterly confused her, Marlene accepted to hold without even a snarky comment about not being a shelf.

Mary leans closer to the mirror and starts carefully reapplying her mascara. “Could you try and be nicer?” She asks as soon as she’s done, making sure there are no black spots of mascara on her eyelids. Marlene's eyes travel; from Mary’s hands to her eyes to her eyelashes; to the way her lips part when she’s focusing on putting on mascara.

“Sure, princess,” she agrees mindlessly.

Mary pauses, looks at her. To the way she looks at her. “Will you actually?”

Marlene shrugs and tilts her head, her lips turning downwards and her eyebrows turning upwards. “Probably not.”

If she was talking to anyone else from the club, her answer would most definitely upset them. But, from what she’s come to know about Mary, she doubts it will. And, she’s right. Mary just scoffs lightheartedly and shakes her head as if she wasn’t expecting to hear anything different. And for that, Marlene smiles.

Mary hands Marlene the mascara and asks for her lipstick, so Marlene finds herself looking through a pouch full of expensive makeup for some most likely also expensive lipstick because the option of saying “get it yourself” wasn’t available in her mind at the moment. As soon as she finds it, she takes the mascara from Mary’s hand and replaces it with the lipstick. But the mascara doesn’t go back in the pouch immediately. First, she asks,

“Can I try this?” And she holds up the mascara. Mary puts the lid back on the lipstick and purses her lips together to even it out before turning to Marlene.

“Absolutely, go ahead!” So, now it’s Marlene’s turn to push the makeup pouch to Mary's hands, and now, as she notices from the reflection of the mirror, Mary’s turn to just look at Marlene while she’s applying makeup. Okay, this has absolutely no reason to make Marlene’s hand so shaky, yet it does, and it makes her heart beat a little faster, and she just can’t seem to apply this damn mascara very well. Which probably makes her seem like a useless dumbass, yet she can’t find any confirmation of that in the way Mary looks at her.

So, she just lets it go, uses her finger to wipe away the excess mascara that’s gotten on her skin, and turns back to Mary. Who just doesn’t quit looking at her so… intensely. Marlene clears her throat as she places the mascara tube in the bag that’s in Mary’s hands, and asks, “Everything okay?”

“You missed a spot,” Mary informs, but Marlene doesn’t have any time to turn back to the mirror because in only a mere moment, Mary sets the makeup pouch on the sink counter and places both her hands on Marlene’s face. To which, if you’re wondering, Marlene’s reaction is faltering breathing and a heart rate of over a hundred beats a minute. For some reason, again. Mary uses her hands to keep Marlene’s head steady, and lightly pushes her thumb under her eye, wiping away whatever mascara Marlene hadn’t noticed. 

Marlene is scared that if she dares to breathe, the moment will end. And, oddly enough, she doesn’t want it to. So she doesn’t breathe. It’s something about Mary’s face being so close that she can see she has very faint freckles dusting her cheeks, something about how focused Mary’s eyes are and how strongly they’re staring at her, that makes her want it to last longer. 

But it doesn’t. Because Mary was only just trying to fix Marlene’s makeup. And that couldn’t possibly take that long, could it? 

Mary takes a step back, clears her throat. “Right.” She too seems a little lost, but she recovers so quickly that Marlene doesn’t have any time to question it. She puts the makeup pouch back in her bag, and smiles that gorgeous smile of hers. “Shall we?”

Marlene regains her composure as well as she can and stands up straight. She scrunches up her face. “ Should we?”

Mary laughs and locks their arms once again. “We should.” And off they go.

Now… What the hell even was that?

Chapter Text

Marlene’s day is going great so far. And, shockingly, that’s not even a sarcastic statement. It really is going great.

That is, if she ignores the fact that she woke up all by herself before the clock even hit eleven. She was wearing her earbuds and she couldn’t exactly know that this time, there wasn’t an alarm set for her. Still, there wasn’t a need for an alarm, because she woke up all by herself. Weird? Yes, very much so. Especially when she couldn’t fall back to sleep no matter how deep she sank into her mattress or how cold the other side of her pillow was when she flipped it over.

It was truly terrifying how her mom had managed to completely ruin her perfectly perfect sleeping schedule (sunrise to lunch) in a matter of three days. 

But she didn’t let that ruin her day because her mom was nowhere to be found in the house. She wasn’t in the study, or her office, or the sitting room. She wasn’t even having tea with her judgy friends in the garden. She was just not there. 

So, Marlene gave her a call just to confirm her suspicions. And confirm her suspicions she did.

Her mom was busy this morning, apparently, and therefore the now usual meeting with Mary would have to be postponed for another time or day. Which was possibly the best news Marlene could have gotten.

Don’t get her wrong, she’s decided she likes Mary, she just doesn’t exactly look forward to hanging out with her mom every single morning. Plus, she can finally go practice with the band. 

Which is where she is right now. 

And, she must admit, she’s quite missed the smoke-filled air of Lily’s garage. Only Lily, apparently, hasn’t. In the ten minutes since Marlene’s glorious (actually shameful because she hadn’t stepped foot there in so long) arrival, she’s chastised Remus a million times about smoking inside, and the poor guy has only had a singular cigarette. 

Still, Marlene has missed that.

“So,” Dorcas takes a seat right in front of her while Marlene is tuning her guitar. Lily just excused herself to go get snacks from the kitchen, and without her girlfriend to cling to, Dorcas had to find something else to do. And, apparently, she judged that the best thing there is to do is to interrogate Marlene. “What’s kept you away from us for this long?”

Honestly, and simply, it’s the summer. Marlene always has trouble making plans with friends during the summer because of her mom’s determination to completely change her social circle. Every year, it’s the same. Every year she has to go to a bunch of unbelievably boring events and every year she has to (unsuccessfully) bond with someone from the club. Only that always ends with her worsening her reputation amongst the people in the club because no one can stand her there. That is, until Mary came around. 

Mary has spent, what, three mornings with her? And she has yet to be as judgemental as the rest of the girls at the club. Not just that, but it’s also the exact opposite. She even sent her a good morning text this morning because, in her words, since she wasn’t going to tell her good morning up close, she might as well text her it. Which, honestly, left Marlene a bit dumbfounded.

Admittedly, she never thought she’d actually like one of the girls her mom tried to make her be friends with. But that also sat wrong with her at times because she sort of hated the fact that her mom thought she was getting through to her. She’s sure her mom is convinced that Mary is working wonders and that Marlene will soon tell her she wants to be a debutante next year. Which will not happen, but her mom thinks it will, and Marlene is a little bitter about it.

Absent-mindedly, Marlene says, “Mary.” Even though it wasn’t Mary who kept her from meeting with the band. But it felt that way because the last couple of days, Marlene didn’t even protest when her mom told her they’d spend time with Mary again. So, in a way, she chose to hang out with Mary and not the band.

She didn’t exactly grasp the fact that her friends don't know who Mary is.

So, the odd looks they exchange leave her a bit confused. “Mary,” Dorcas repeats, voice flat. “So, you’ve ditched us for a girlfriend?! ”

Marlene’s eyes go wide. Incredibly so. “Girlfriend?!” She exclaims, beyond shocked from the progression of this conversation. “Oh noooo, you got it all wrong, Cas.”

Dorcas raises an eyebrow. “Did I? Because that stupid smile on your face says otherwise.”

Marlene’s eyebrows furrow. There is no stupid smile, she doesn’t know where Dorcas got that from. Her eyes turn to Remus currently leaning against the wall by the door, and she asks the silent question, there wasn’t a smile, right? But Remus only shrugs in a way that means Dorcas is right. 

But Dorcas isn’t. So, Marlene doesn’t pay them any mind. They’re clearly just seeing things.

“Mary’s just a girl from the club,” she explains nonchalantly. 

To which she does not expect such a deafening response. “ And you’ve been clubbing?!” Dorcas exclaims loudly.

As a response to that, Marlene snorts. “I wish,” she says. “The country club.”

Dorcas blinks once, blinks twice, then she promptly gets up and shakes her head. “I can’t with these rich people, man.” And she heads straight for the door to the house. “I’m going to get Lily so we can start.”

Marlene sits silently, fully aware of Remus’ eyes piercing through her. But she’s not going to mention it, she’s staying as is until he says whatever is on his mind. She lightly turns the tuning keys and goes on to strum the strings when his voice breaks the silence that was growing since Dorcas left. 

“Are you good?” He asks, fishing for the packet of cigarettes from his back pocket and lighting one as soon as he finds his lighter – he had to search all four pockets of his jeans just for it to be in the pocket of his flannel.

Marlene smiles softly, nodding. “I’m good,” she confirms. Remus seems worried, maybe because he hasn’t heard from her for so long and maybe because she never mentions new people. Correction: the only time she mentions new people is to complain about them. So, understandably, he has every right to be a little worried. “Are you good?”

“I’m good.” He nods. Marlene stares him up and down, and can’t help but furrow her eyebrows. Remus is tall, very tall, and lanky, but usually he has a way of carrying himself that makes him look comfortable in his own skin. Right now, she notes, he does not seem comfortable in his own skin. He’s kicking his feet and he’s ducking his head, and, honestly, it’s painful to witness. She gets up, stands right in front of him, and takes the cigarette from his hand. 

She’s quit smoking, but she can’t say no to the offer, now, can she? (there was no offer).

“Spill.”

“Your country club…” he starts. Marlene grimaces at the mention. “What’s it called again?”

Saying the name is equivalent to puking. But, she says it mockingly, so it’s a tiny bit more bearable. “Fairmond.” She makes an ugly face at it. “Why?”

The mental struggle happening in Remus’ brain can very much be spotted in his eyes. It’s like he’s trying to improvise an acceptance speech in front of a huge crowd. Eventually, he starts, “Do you know someone named—”

“We’re here!” Lily announces, pushing the door open. After her, follows Dorcas, glaring at Marlene as she grabs her bass. “Marls, Dorcas told me you got a girlfriend, hm? Good for you! Don’t let her ruin our band.”

“She’s not my girlfriend!” Marlene defends. She doesn’t even know where they got that from, it just came out of nowhere. 

Remus pushes himself off the wall, and stabs the remaining of his cigarette in the ashtray. As Marlene goes to grab her guitar, she momentarily stops by his drums. “Talk later, yeah?”

Remus nods. And they don’t talk later. 

・❥・

At lunch, Marlene doesn’t say much. 

She’s trying to find the connection between Remus and the country club, the connection that is quite clearly someone.

After they agreed they had practised enough, she stuck around and waited for Remus so they could talk on their way to the bus station, but Remus just nevermind-ed her.

He nevermind -ed her. The absolute asshat. No matter what she asked, he would repeat the same thing. And Marlene’s curiosity was triggered, so she was determined to find what in the ever-loving fuck Remus had to do with the country club. Who could he possibly know from there when they’re all stuck-up idiots that would rather die than share an interaction with someone below their social class. Remus associating himself with them was definitely not on her bingo card.

Yet here they are. And she can’t know what is going on because he’s being all stubborn and closed-off. Which is not rare for Remus, but they’ve gotten to a point in their friendship where he can trust her with stuff, so why can’t he tell her this.

She’s pulled back into reality by her mom’s sharp voice making an announcement.

“We’re meeting Mary for tea this afternoon,” she informs, taking a sip of wine. Marlene also wanted some, but her mom didn’t let her have any. As if she’s still a child and not a literal adult now. 

Now, normally, she’d make a fuss. She’d at least be frustrated that her mom is making plans for her, but no, she is not. Despite herself, she smiles and nods and actually looks forward to it. Not as much to the part where her mom will also be there, but to the part where Mary will be there to make it less unbearable.

“Okay,” she says, taking another bite of her food.

Her mom inspects her and Marlene stares right back, confused. “Okay?” her mom asks, clearly in shock with Marlene’s answer.

Marlene hums positively. Her mom continues to stare, now looking incredibly worried.

“Are you well?”

See? Even her mom can’t believe this. Marlene has never simply agreed to something without causing at the very least some trouble. She hums positively once again. “Just looking forward to hanging out with Mary,” she explains.

Her mom doesn’t quite believe it at first, Marlene can see it in her eyes. But, eventually, she probably spots the actual sincerity in Marlene’s features because she nods once, firmly, and she returns to her food. “You like her, then?”

Marlene shrugs. “She’s pretty nice and fun to be around, so… yeah. I don’t mind spending time with her, I mean.”

Her mom nods again and Marlene can guess what she’s thinking. Probably something along the lines of, finally my child will be the way I want her to be.

Yeah, she is definitely bitter about it.

Later in her room, Marlene is busy. She’s trying to pass that one level in her video game that she’s been stuck on for the past week, and it’s not going well for her today either. She’s not exactly sure if that’s actually considered “busy” but still, that’s what she tells James when he asks her if she’s free to hang out.

And that’s mostly because she’ll hang out with Mary later anyway, and she needs her alone time in the day. She can’t go from the band to her mom to James to Mary and be expected to function properly having spent time with that many people. 

Plus, the mocking she’d have to endure were she to hangout with James and tell him that she also has plans with her mom and Mary would be astronomical. And she’s not up for that.

The only thing she does (aside from continuously fail at the game) is text Remus and practically beg him to tell her what he was going to tell her originally. Although, of course, he’s not answering. Marlene didn’t expect him to in the first place, he’s not one to reply to texts as soon as he gets them.

Unlike Mary, Marlene thinks momentarily, who sees texts as soon as she gets them yet that doesn’t make her look like she has nothing else to do. That’s mostly why Marlene takes her time when it comes to checking messages, she doesn’t want people to think she sits around on her phone all day. But Mary manages to do that without having that specific perception of her. 

And that’s probably because everyone sees her being busy at the club all day, but still. It’s something Marlene low-key admires.

Right as the character she’s playing dies from a zombie (again) the screen of her phone lights up and she sees the notification roll in before she hears the sound of it. She grabs it eagerly, assuming it’s Remus finally replying to her text, and is caught unprepared when she sees Mary’s name plastered on the notification wall instead of Remus’.

Curiously, she doesn’t give it any time to marinate in her unopened messages, she clicks on it immediately.

Mary Macdonald

I just told your mom we made plans ourselves and she was all happy. You’re free to do whatever you want, just leave your house for a couple of hours and pretend you were with me when you go back. xx

Marlene’s feelings about this text are complicated.

Mary thinks Marlene doesn't want to hang out with her, which isn’t entirely true, but she’s willing to lie to her mom if needed so that Marlene can… not hang out with her, which is such a sweetheart thing for her to do. And it gets a smile to slowly spread on Marlene’s face.

Especially when the following text appears under the previous one.

But I’m always free for tea, if you want💕

And, despite herself once again, the reply she’s typing out isn’t the one anyone would expect from her.

Marlene McKinnon

wanna go for a walk?

Video game be damned, she has more pressing problems right now: What will she wear?

And another, even more pressing problem: Why does that matter?

・❥・

The sun is still bright when Marlene takes a seat on a mildly maintained wooden bench. Tall trees surround her and birds are chirping while all kinds of people walk past her.

An old, fabulously dressed woman taps her costly-looking, carved cane on the cobblestone as she walks. Past her walks what Marlene assumes is the average university student that will soon be her; dark bags under their eyes and slumped posture while grasping at the strap of their probably heavy bag.

Across from them, a woman pushing a stroller while speaking on her phone makes a stop at a trash can to throw away the plastic container of the little strawberry flavoured yoghourt her kid just ate. And on the other side of the pathway, a grandpa taking slow steps with his hands crossed behind his back. On his shoulder sits a bag way too small to be his, with cartoon characters displaying on it and little drawings all over — when Marlene follows his gaze, she spots a little kid waving at him as he runs across the lawn by the lake.

And when she turns her head to the other side, she spots the person she’s there for, walking gracefully as ever in beige linen trousers and a striped buttoned shirt that had enough buttons undone to show off her collarbones. Her hands are busy holding the coffees she got for them, but her handbag sits perfectly on her shoulder despite the line of the shirt which had Marlene guessing no bag would ever stay put on it.

In times like these she wonders what gods have favoured Mary this much to make her absolutely perfect. And how someone like Mary would like to spend time with her.

A grin grows on Marlene’s face as she pushes herself off the bench to properly greet her arriving company. “Hi, princess,” she says as soon as Mary is close enough and she can finally see her smile clearly.

Mary tilts her head to the side, and, briefly, Marlene wonders if the nickname bothers her. She tries to find any signs of it in her face but there are none. There’s just a smile and the wrinkles it creates under her honey coloured eyes.

“Hi, Marlene.” Then she does something that, yet again, Marlene hasn’t seen her do with anyone else at the club. She leans in and actually kisses her cheek. None of that stupid distance the girls at the club always put between them when greeting each other; she actually feels Mary’s incredibly soft lips on her cheek and… and her skin is tickling. And the weather starts feeling warmer than it did three seconds ago. “Miss me today?”

She clears her throat. “Terribly.”

Mary laughs at it, so Marlene laughs also. She’s not sure how much of a joke it was, though.

Next thing she knows, she’s holding the paper cup that Mary passes her, and a familiar hand comes to rest on her face again. How does she keep finding herself in this situation? Mary’s hand cupping her face shouldn’t be as usual as it is and it definitely shouldn’t leave that unexplainable fuzzy feeling in her stomach. “Left some lipstick on you,” Mary explains, pushing her thumb against the spot she only just had her lips against, chuckling as she does so. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Marlene rushes to say, but it’s not. Anything prompting this situation is not okay. “Shall we walk?” She asks nonchalantly, and as Mary hums, Marlene takes a sip of her coffee — which turns out is not her coffee. She scrunches her face at the taste. “Is that matcha?

Mary’s eyes go wide. “Oops,” she says while taking the paper cup from Marlene’s hand and giving her the one she’s holding. She smiles apologetically before asking, “So what are we doing?” 

“I don’t know…” Marlene shrugs, takes a sip of her coffee. This time, it really is her coffee. “Just walking.”

“Alright.” On the lawn next to them there’s a couple on a picnic, and Marlene’s eyes linger for a moment too long. She’s snapped back by Mary’s voice. “So, what’s your favourite colour?”

Marlene scoffs. “What?”

“We’re getting to know each other,” Mary states, rolling her eyes at the obviousness.

She looks at Mary like she’s insane. “And you need to know my favourite colour?”

“Absolutely.”

Marlene’s eyes furrow but she smiles anyway. “Red. But, like, a darker shade of it. Not too bright.”

“So, maroon?”

“Sure.” Marlene nods, accepting it. “Yours?”

“Light blue.”

“Cool.”

Mary hums. “What’s your favourite song?”

Marlene’s mind runs through catalogues and catalogues of songs she likes and when she doesn’t exactly end up on one singular song that she likes more than the others, she goes for a safe choice. “ Shine On You Crazy Diamond by Pink Floyd. Yours?”

“Not sure. I never really thought about it much.”

“Then why did you ask mine?” Marlene’s eyebrows snap together, a teasing smile settling on her lips.

Mary gives her the funniest look, basically calling her stupid without actually saying it. “Because I want to know your favourite song, obviously?”

Marlene snorts a laugh just at the way Mary says that. “Okay. Got it.”

After a few more steps, during which Marlene very distinctly feels their arms brush against each other, Mary says, “I really like Spice Girls.”

Marlene gives her a once-over. “Didn’t think you had that in you,” she teases, confusing Mary.

“What?”

“Good music taste. No offence.”

Mary rolls her eyes. “I take full offence,” she informs playfully. “We don’t all have to dress like rockstars to have taste, Marlene.”

Marlene raises her hands in surrender. “You’re right. I apologise, princess.”

“Apology accepted.”

As Marlene nods thankfully, her eyes spot something across the lawn, and she comes to a stop.

Mary eyes her with furrowed eyebrows, and without any explanation Marlene points at the stone chess tables sitting under the trees. “Do you play?”

Her company’s eyes trail towards where she’s pointing, only to look back at her sharply. “Do I play ?” She raises her eyebrows, laughing confidently. “Darling, I’m an expert.”

A snarky smile settles on Marlene’s lips. “How about I prove that wrong?”

Mary’s confidence doesn’t falter. “You can certainly try.”

“Okay, Beth Harmon.”

As Marlene makes her way to the tables, Mary’s confident smile turns into a confused frown. “Do you always carry chess pieces with you?”

“Do I look insane?” Marlene turns to her, carefully walking backwards in order to face her as she speaks. “Of course not, there’s this kid that will lend me hers for a price. She’s always here taking advantage of the people who want to play but have no pieces with them. Genius, really.”

Mary’s brows snap together, her forehead creases. “Do you come here often, then?”

“Oh, yes,” Marlene smirks, happy to show that she’s more of a competition than Mary initially thought. “I like to come here sometimes and play with grandpas who are sure they will win. They bet money on it, too. And they almost never do. Take a seat princess, I’ll be right back.”

On a table a few tables next to the one Mary sat on, a girl plays chess with her friend, and Marlene approaches carefully. “Heyyy, Evie.”

The girl looks at her sharply. “Ten pounds.”

“Can’t you drop the price a bit? I’m trying to impress a girl here.” Last time she used this excuse, she only paid eight pounds. So it’s worth giving it a try.

“Are you on a date?” Evie asks, and Marlene knows that if she says yes she’ll get the awwww, that’s so cute discount, but she can’t do that to Mary. Because word travels, and if anyone who knows anyone from the club were to hear this, it would be catastrophic for her.

“No, but I want to impress her anyway,” she says instead. 

Evie looks over her shoulder. “She looks fancy.”

“Well, she is,” Marlene agrees.

“You’re too cheap for her.” Evie glares at her before moving a piece on the board. Often, Marlene wonders who taught this child all this sass. “Ten pounds.”

Marlene rolls her eyes but pays it anyway. So much for trying to get a discount.

When she goes back to the table, Mary’s laughing. “She ended you.”

“Shut up, princess.”

At the beginning of the game, Mary asked even more questions about Marlene’s favourites. She learned that Marlene likes video games, and greek food, and dumb games on her phone, and spider-man movies.

Marlene learned that Mary isn’t used to talking about her favourites, it’s almost like she doesn’t know her favourites. She gave every question way too much thought as if she was never asked that before, which Marlene found too hard to believe. Surely, she had to have gone through some brutally awkward icebreaker game in her life.

As the game progressed, pieces started leaving the board and later on, pawns started turning into more important pieces, and that’s when things got serious and silence fell upon them. Mary had to prove herself, and Marlene was determined to win. So, things got intense.

Until Mary started getting confident again — wrongfully so, Marlene would say — and the questions continued. “So, what did you do today? Did you finally enjoy some time without me, or did you sleep through the entire morning?”

“I enjoy spending time with you plenty, for your information,” Marlene defends.

Mary raises a brow. “Do you?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t, now, would I?” At that, Mary shuts her mouth, and a subtle smile forms. Did she honestly think Marlene didn’t want to spend time with her? Sure, she can be rude sometimes, but she didn’t think she was this rude with Mary. Instead of persuading a conversation on that, she answers the question she was asked. “I didn’t sleep all day, unfortunately. I woke up, played some video games, and then I practised with the band.”

She’s too focused on the board to notice Mary’s wide eyes; she only notices them when Mary takes too long to make her move and she’s forced to look up to check what’s going on in her mind. That’s when Mary exclaims, “Band?!”

Marlene freezes, hand on a knight that she was planning to bring back next move if Mary chose to save her rook instead of taking her pawn, but completely forgetting about that because, how on earth did she let that slip? She can practically envision all her work, everything she’s achieved with the band, falling apart as soon as Mary tells her mom about it.

“You’re in a band?!” Mary asks when Marlene stays quiet.

Marlene squeezes her eyes shut and drags a palm across her face and, geez, she’s sweating. She feels beyond pathetic as she makes the request, “Please don’t tell my mom.”

Head shaking frantically, Mary seems surprised Marlene would even think she would. But, let’s be honest, Mary and her are only hanging out because of her mom, so is it really that insane of her to assume? “I won’t,” Mary informs firmly. A few silent moments go by in which Marlene finds that hard to believe and, apparently, Mary notices. So, she leans over the table, her features relax and she stares right into Marlene’s eyes. “I promise, I won’t.” 

And something about her eyes tells her to trust her. Foolishly enough, Marlene does.

She nods, makes a move on the board, but doesn’t exactly know what to say.

So, Mary takes the conversation into her own hands. “How long have you been in a band for?”

“Uh… around two years, I think?” Marlene looks up — she was not ready for the amazement in Mary’s eyes.

Mary makes a careless move on the board, and Marlene’s thoughtful frown turns into a smirk. “What do you do?” But before Marlene has any time to answer, Mary continues, “Do you sing? Oh, I bet you’re the singer, you have such a nice voice.”

Marlene’s facing the board, but her eyes look up through her eyelashes. “Thanks, but no. I play the guitar.”

And Mary’s amazement widened, if that’s even possible. She shakes her head lightly. “I can’t believe how cool you are, Marlene.” She thinks I’m cool. “Do I ever get to see you play?”

“Actually…” Well, Marlene thinks, since the cat’s out of the bag, she might as well throw the bag away. “We have a gig next Tuesday, you can come if you want.”

“Really?!” Mary asks, Marlene nods. “Oh, this is great. Where is it?”

Marlene makes another move on the board, and, slowly, she looks up with a victorious smile. She doesn’t say anything.

Mary’s brows draw together. “What?”

“Checkmate.”

And she sees all the fun drain from her eyes. “What! How, I had it under control!”

“Or not,” Marlene teases.

“This is unfair! I was distracted by your wholesomeness,” she tries to defend, but Marlene raises her arms and shrugs.

“Not my fault I’m awesome.”

“I demand a rematch,” Mary says sternly.

Marlene checks the time on her phone knowing fully well that even if it was time to go, she wouldn’t. Rematch it is, then. “Sure.”

As if she heard them with some kind of super-hearing, Evie technically spawns next to them with crossed arms. “Ten pounds per game.”

She’s quite literally trying to rob them. 

“Come on, Evie,” Marlene tries. “That was never the rule before.”

“I made the rules, and I changed them. Ten pounds per game,” she states again. “Nothing personal, I just want an ipad, so.”

Marlene turns to Mary, mouth agape at the audacity of this girl. Mary’s holding back her laughter. She turns back to Evie, “I’m not paying for your ipad.”

Evie looks between the two of them, tapping her foot on the pebbles. “I'll make you an offer because she’s pretty,” she says.

Marlene hears Mary say thank you while she says, “Deal. Actually, no. What’s the offer?”

“A staring contest. If I blink first, you can play as many free games as you want. If you blink first, you give me ten pounds but don’t play any more games.”

Marlene doubts she’s ever seen this girl blink. She turns to Mary. “Do you really want that rematch?”

“No, but I want to see who wins.” Mary smiles sweetly. Marlene can’t say no to that now, can she.

So that’s what they do; Marlene tries to keep her eyes open although they sting and Evie doesn’t seem to be having any problem doing it. But Marlene’s stubborn, and she refuses to waste ten pounds so, surprisingly, she does not blink.

That is until a notification sound goes off — which isn’t what makes her blink — and Mary informs her she has a message.

“What is it?” she asks, not looking away.

“Uh…” From the corner of her eye, she sees the screen of her phone light up. It had gotten rather dark while they were playing, and it’s quite noticeable. “A Remus Lupin says… Sirius Black. ”

And, you guessed it, that’s what makes her blink. 

Marlene whips her head around so fast she might’ve pulled a muscle, and completely ignoring Evie’s celebratory cheers, she stares at Mary agape. “ What?! ” Mary’s expression, in contrast to Marlene’s shocked one, is one of severe confusion. “Are you sure it says Sirius?” She stupidly goes on to ask.

Mary’s forehead creases. “Yes, Marlene, I’m not blind.” 

To get rid of Evie’s pestering, she fishes her wallet from her pocket and gives her ten pounds. She can’t even mind the money she’s losing. 

Now what the fuck is happening with Remus and Sirius Black.

Chapter Text

“That doesn’t make any sense, right?” Mary had asked last night as they walked and talked about why Sirius Black’s name was in Marlene’s phone.

“It doesn’t,” Marlene had confirmed. “Sirius is a spoiled brat and my friend doesn’t like spoiled brats.”

Night had fallen and the cobblestone path of the park was illuminated by the warm light of the lampposts. The same light made Mary’s skin look golden. If Marlene wasn’t so confused, she’d be in utter awe.

Then Mary shocked her with a question she’d never thought she’d hear from her. “Should we stalk him?”

To say Marlene was taken aback would be an understatement. She stopped walking, and saw Mary under a new light. Figuratively and literally. The lamppost under which they stopped shone a colder tone of light than the others — probably a newer bulb. After a few steps, Mary had realised she was now walking by herself and she’d turned to look at Marlene.

Then she ducked her head. “Sorry, that was out of line,” she had said. “And none of our business.”

Marlene had sauntered up to her, bumped her shoulder lightly, and then smirked. “ We should absolutely stalk him.”

To which Mary had smiled.

So now, Marlene is at the place she hates the most, the country club, sitting at the bar by the pool while waiting for Mary to join her. But at least she’s not alone, right?

Although her company could as well be Curious George — or, like, Curious James is more like it. From the moment he saw her walk out of the french doors at the back of the club, he has worn a stupid expression and he has asked her a million questions. Because normally, Marlene only goes to the club when he insists on her going, and prior to her actually agreeing is a combination of begging and blackmail. 

Because Marlene would never casually and willingly step foot in those wretched hardwood floors of the club. And it’s a wonder how she chose to do so today.

But there was something about the bright smile on Mary’s face when Marlene didn’t judge her for her suggestion to stalk Sirius. So they just had to.

“And what is it you’re going to do while you’re here?” James asks her, a different wording of the same question he has asked her multiple times already. Each time, she very cleverly avoided giving an answer. Now that he passes her the iced tea she ordered, she has a reason to dodge this attempt as well. 

She raises the cold glass to her lips and takes a sip. She shrugs.

“I don’t suppose you're here to keep me company, are you, Marls?” He raises a suspicious eyebrow. “You only ever do that when I’m near the end of my shift. Or when you need to ask for something. Or complain about something. But you would have already done these, so… Tell me what’s up.” 

“Nothing’s up,” She clears up, falsely so. She’s not exactly sure why she doesn’t just tell James she’s waiting for Mary, but she feels very against doing that. And speaking of Mary, out of the corner of her eye Marlene picks up on the vibrant yellow dress that just walked out of the large french doors leading to the club’s grounds. And, of course, who would be the one wearing such a gorgeous dress?

Mary talks with some girls that stopped her in her tracks, but although her mouth moves, her eyes aren’t anywhere near those girls. Instead, they’re scanning the courts for what Marlene is supposing is a glance of her. Mindlessly, she lifts her hand and waves, drawing Mary’s attention to her. Key word: mindlessly. James turns his head so quickly, searching for whoever Marlene’s waving at.

And what she’s now figuring out she was trying to avoid, happened. “Oh,” James says, a smug grin on his face as if he’s figured it out himself. “Mary Macdonald.”

Marlene’s smile drops as she looks back at her friend. “That is her name, yes.”

James rolls his eyes, ignores her. “You’re around her a lot.”

“No I’m not,” Marlene denies quickly, unsure about why she felt the need to protect that information. 

“Yes you are.” James leans on his elbows over the counter. “Even the walls have eyes and ears in this place. Just so you know, there are girls that are so mad that,” he clears his throat, lifts his voice an octave, “that obnoxious McKinnon gets to hang out with her and we don’t.”

The moment the words leave James’ mouth, Marlene cringes. She grimaces. Imagine idolising a random girl so much that you get mad when you see her having a life that doesn’t revolve around you. She feels embarrassed on their behalf, she also feels incredibly bad for them. Because they’re the perfect example of how one’s status affects them in the society they live in, the perfect example of just how messed up this whole thing is.

Marlene hums, shrugs. She doesn’t say anything. There’s not much to say. Her eyes trail to find Mary, she is still trying to get away from the girls that have stopped her. It’s clear because she takes small steps backwards to detangle herself, but the girls keep going closer and continue talking to her. Marlene would laugh if she wasn’t with company. A specific company that would question the shit out of that seemingly random laugh.

James sees her silence as an opportunity. “So you don’t despise her as much anymore?”

She breaks her gaze away. “What makes you say that?”

“The way you look at her.”

There’s something odd to the way hearing those words affects her stomach. “She’s nice.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Marlene almost gets mad at James’ comment. If anything, Mary is the sweetest girl that has walked the club’s floors, and she deserves to have a reputation to match her energy. And not just between those two-faced idiots that she calls her friends. 

To her own benefit, Marlene ignores how off her perception of Mary was before she met her. She almost feels guilty for judging her when she didn’t even know her.

“That’s a you problem,” she defends. 

James gives her an unreadable look. “Be careful, Marls.”

“Careful about what?”

“Hey, lovely,” the sweetest voice says behind her, stopping James from uttering what he opened his mouth to say. At the same time, a gentle hand settles on Marlene’s back to draw her attention to her. Marlene almost chokes on the lemon coke she was taking a sip of. “Am I too late? Kayla had an awful lot of questions about the ball,” she explains as Marlene spins on the stool. She has to look up to look at Mary, more so than she does normally. She might be tall, but not tall enough to get Marlene to look up at her. With only a slight tilt of her head, they’re eye to eye. However, the bar stool has taken some centimetres off her height.

“Yeah, I saw you fighting your way out of their group up there,” Marlene chuckles, shaking her head.

Mary’s eyes go wide. “Was I that obvious?”

“To me, you were.”

“You’re different,” Mary reasons.

“How?” Marlene dares to ask.

“You see me as a random girl and not Mary Macdonald.”

Marlene’s smile drops slightly. And to add to her previous point, it’s horrible what the weight of being idolised so much does to a girl. Marlene has to brighten the mood. “Wow there, princess. Cocky much?”

Mary rolls her eyes, takes a seat on a stool next to her. Their knees bump into each other as she spins towards the bar. “Shut up.” She waves her off. “I didn’t leave you waiting alone for too long, did I?”

“I’m not alone,” Marlene says. “That’s my best mate, James.” She points at James who left her company when Mary joined. Not for petty reasons, but because someone ordered a couple of drinks and he had to make them real quick. 

“Ah,” Mary nods, tapping her manicured nails on the wooden counter. “Still, sorry for making you wait.”

Marlene smiles reassuringly, feeling inexplicably fuzzy. “It’s okay.”

“And…” James drags the singular vowel of the word for way too long. “I’m back.” He throws his towel over his shoulder before his eyes land on Marlene’s new company. Marlene can see it in his eyes; it’s one thing to simply hang out with her, and another thing entirely to willingly come to the country club to hang out with her. James knows that. “Hello,” he says awkwardly.

Mary, kind as ever, smiles. Marlene notices it’s not that genuine smile. She’s coming to realise that that specific smile is reserved for her. “I’m Mary.” When James replies with his own name, Mary sends a quick, yet very judgemental glare at Marlene. It catches her off guard. What exactly is she judging? “Marlene has told me a lot about you.” Oh, that’s what she’s judging. 

Last night, their walk didn’t end when they decided on this morning’s plan. It consisted of a lot more walking, talking and a few games that made them both realise they’re equally competitive. And, of course, Mary asked a lot about Marlene’s band, her friends, her family (apart from her mom). Marlene just… skipped over the fact that she has one of her closest friends chilling at the country club. It was just something that sat wrong with her, intertwining those two worlds. Or maybe something about Mary meeting James when Marlene isn’t there, which could potentially lead to her getting an entirely different image of her if James told her something that Marlene wasn’t sure she wanted Mary to know. Either way, Marlene didn’t tell Mary her best friend is the bartender at the pool bar.

“Can I get you something?” James asks, looking between the two of them. 

Mary shakes her head no. “We have business to attend to.” She turns to Marlene. “Shall we?”

Marlene downs the last of her lemon coke before she nods. She’s quick to wave James goodbye with her free hand – free hand because Mary has grasped her wrist again, like she did a few days back. Only Marlene doesn’t remember it to tingle as much back then.

・❥・

At some point during their mission, they forgot it’s a mission. 

Probably when Marlene first splashed water on a still-dry Mary that was tanning by the pool. That was apparently a declaration of war, because next thing she knew Mary was on her. Splashing her, attacking her, fighting with her underwater. Skin on skin, smooth and slippery, Mary’s coconut shampoo and the distinctive smell of chlorine clouding her brain. Maybe sometime during that fight that was all smiles and giggles, they forgot they were there to hopefully get some answers.

You can’t blame it on Marlene for being so out of focus, she had never seen Mary be so carelessly enjoying herself. Almost as if she forgot there are still people around her, people that she has to impress, the people for whom her own image was painted for. She didn’t seem to care about that when she grabbed Marlene’s shoulders, warm hands on exposed wet skin, and pushed her under the water surface as revenge for ruining her tanning session. Nor when she tried to shield herself from the pool noodle Marlene was chasing her with, nor when she tackled Marlene and took hold of the noodle only to use Marlene’s own weapon against her.

But, to be fair, Sirius wasn’t doing anything worth stalking. Worth ruining their fun. He was, like Mary before Marlene judged it appropriate to bother her, tanning on a lounge chair. 

All began later. 

For some reason, Marlene always finds herself looking up at Mary. Whether she’s standing or sitting, it is never the other way around. Now, once again, although she has crossed her arms on the tile surrounding the pool and has rested her head on them, her gaze is still turned upwards. Unlike her, Mary has gotten off the water. Mostly, at least. Her feet are dangling off the edge of the pool, creating ripples in the water as they lightly swing back and forth. Marlene feels every ripple against her naked torso, which might be a sign they’re a little bit too close, but none of them see it as such.

The sun is blaring, Mary has put her sunglasses on, yet Marlene only squints through the misery. 

“I haven't played in the pool like that since… I was five,” Mary admits lightly. There aren’t many people left in the pool, only a couple of kids that look around the age Mary’s talking about.

Although Mary looks at the kids messing around, probably reminiscing the old times, Marlene’s gaze is fixed on her, and her only. On the golden of her skin, on the spots of water still lingering, on the subtle, nostalgic smile on her lips. “How come?”

Mary strips her eyes off the giggling kids to look down at Marlene. And although Marlene can’t see her eyes through her glasses, she can tell she’s sceptical by how she chews on the inside of her cheek. It shapes her jawline more intensely, making it easy to spot. “We don’t have a pool at my house, my parents consider it a waste of space. Something about the garden being prettier with a pond and flowers,” she starts to explain, mockery in her tone as she says the last part. “I always used to go to my aunt’s house and play with my cousins, until…” Marlene expects the worst, the way she’s painted the story sounds a lot like mourning of a time when everything was happier because someone was in it. “Until my aunt married a woman,” Mary finishes her sentence. And… oh . Definitely not what Marlene was expecting to hear.

She looks away, feeling somewhat ashamed. She’s not exactly sure what’s the reason for that.

“My parents never took me to her house again, they cut ties with her entirely and… by the time I was old enough to have the freedom to visit alone, I had outgrown playing with…” she smiles, it’s sad and happy at the same time. “Pool noodles and water guns.”

Marlene stares a moment too long before she finally looks back at the kids, screaming and laughing all too loudly. Her hair has already begun to dry when she lands on a decision and pushes herself back in the water. She can hear Mary’s confused questioning when she returns to the surface, but by that time, she’s already swimming towards the shallower part of the pool where the kids play. 

“Hey guys,” she greets them. “That’s a cool water gun you have there, can I perhaps borrow it for only a second?” The twins, as she now notices, look at each other first before they give her one of the water guns they’re holding. “Thank you so much, I’ll bring it right back.”

When she turns around, she sees that Mary has already guessed what her fate looks like. She has taken off her sunglasses and put them away to keep them safe, and her hands are in the air. She smiles a crooked smile. Prettier than any smile Marlene has ever seen. “Shoot me.”

Marlene smirks. “As you wish, princess.”

A water gun fight between Mary, Marlene, and the twins that somehow ended up joining them later, a phone starts ringing. Notably, it’s neither Marlene’s nor Mary’s. It belongs to the someone they were supposed to be keeping an eye on were they not so distracted by a few water guns and sets of pool noodles. 

Marlene pauses mid-shielding her teammate, little Rose, and ends up getting shot right in the head by Mary’s teammate, little Sally. But Sirius is acting suspicious, he looks around before he takes the call and he covers his mouth as he speaks too close to the microphone of his phone. Marlene swims towards Mary, who at first assumes it’s an attempt at an attack so she urges towards Marlene to stop her from doing so, before Marlene signals towards the subject of their stalking.

Mary stops, looks, and they both look at Sirius as he gets up, leaves his things unattended just to go somewhere a little more privately and talk on the phone. 

It’s a singular second after he turns his back to the pool that the girls start swimming towards their bags – that are, rather annoyingly, on the far opposite side of the pool. 

Mary wraps a light pink towel around her body as Marlene excuses both herself, and Mary and tells little Rose to win this fight for her as well. As soon as she’s explained to the kids that they have to go, Mary has already grabbed Marlene’s towel from her bag and has unfolded it, holding it with open arms and waiting for Marlene to wrap herself in it as well so they can go. Of course, though, she doesn’t fail to comment and laugh with the ridiculousness of Marlene’s towel – a spider-man one, the same she’s had since she was a kid. The one she and James have matching since that vacation James’ family took them on when they were around ten years old.

Marlene doesn’t have time to grab the towel from Mary’s hands before Mary has wrapped not only the towel, but her arms around her as well. It might’ve been to assist her to get the towel over Marlene’s shoulders properly, but Mary’s arms around her is a warmth Marlene starts missing the second it’s gone.

“Let’s go,” Mary whispers, as if Sirius is next to them and he can hear them. As if even if he was, he’d know they’re trying to follow him. He has no reason to suspect them for anything. 

Unless Remus has told him something about the band. And about Marlene being in the band. Surely, he wouldn’t do that.

They follow Sirius into the club as subtly as they can, they greet whoever greets them (whoever greets Mary, to be precise) and they act nonchalant until Sirius takes a turn. Mary stops in her tracks when she follows after him, causing Marlene to bump into her. She pushes Marlene a few steps back, but she keeps her ear near the edge of the corner, listening. Which is overly dramatic, if you ask Marlene, she can hear Sirius talking on the phone perfectly well from where she’s resting her back on the wall. Now, the only reason she is not paying attention to what he says is because Mary’s hand is still over her heart from when she pushed her back, and as it seems, it isn’t going anywhere. No matter how fast her breathing turns, or how much her chest rises and falls. Mary just doesn’t pick up on it. 

After a few more seconds of this, Marlene has to pull herself away if she wants to get some proper oxygen into her lungs. Otherwise, she’d faint right here, right now, and that would be humiliating and not very subtle. Mary shoots her an odd look when she gets away, probably because in order to hear, she’d assume Marlene would go closer to the edge of the corner, and not further from it. But were Marlene to go that close to Mary right now, she’d probably pass out.

And she’s not exactly sure why that is. 

It’s odd.

She doesn’t even understand when they find themselves face to face with none other than Sirius Black. It comes as a shock for both her, who’s currently going through it, and Mary, who’s had her ear sticking out of the corner this whole time. Marlene is almost taken aback by how eager Mary is to help Marlene solve this equation that includes people she hasn’t even met.

“Sirius,” Mary says, tone flat. 

Sirius looks between the two of them. “Girls.” He doesn’t seem to have a clue in the world. “Having fun at the pool?”

“Plenty,” Mary speaks again. Thankfully. Marlene doesn’t trust her voice after all this heavy breathing.

“I’m glad,” Sirius says awkwardly. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

As soon as he’s out of earshot, Mary turns to Marlene. “Did you hear all that?”

Marlene’s eyes go wide. Weirdly, she feels like she’s caught red-handed for something. “Uh… no. I was having a moment?” Worry spreads in Mary’s features, but Marlene is quick to shake her head awake and wave Mary’s concerns off. “What did he say?”

“Marlene, I think he and your friend are… a thing.”

But she’s clearly not awake enough. Clearly. She lifts an eyebrow. “A what?”

“A thing,” Mary repeats. “I think they’re dating.” 

Did Marlene really miss that much? 

She doesn’t say anything but a mere, “Huh.” It’s not exactly a question, it’s more of a huff of disbelief because… Truly, huh.

Chapter Text

Marlene sends Remus what must be the millionth odd glare.

The air inside Lily’s garage is thick, laced with cigarette smoke. Remus, despite Lily’s continuous complaints, did not go outside every time he wanted to smoke. And now, Lily’s very unsubtly coughing to point out just how annoyed she is. 

Although that’s never stopped him. It does, however, usually make him smoke a little less. That is when Lily is around.

The few minutes between Lily announcing she’s going to bring a snack or two and her return to the garage are the minutes Remus thrives the most. There’s no one by his ear telling him to put it out or pause the rehearsal for a cigarette, so he can just smoke. Because, truly, the latter isn’t even an option, not really.

It might appear like that, sure, but it is not. If they took a break every time Remus wanted a smoke, they’d barely practise. 

Anyway, Marlene isn’t glaring at him because he lit a cigarette as soon as Lily closed the door behind her. She has other, more important reasons to glare at him for.

She tries to approach it subtly. “Are you dating Sirius Black?” Yeah, subtly.

Remus chokes on smoke he was foolish enough to inhale despite noticing that Marlene was about to say something. It’s really his fault. By now, he should know to stay off tasks and habits that can kill when Marlene looks ready to throw something stupid in the air. Only this isn’t exactly stupid. This is a fair question, but it still falls under the category of Beware! Marlene has something random to say!

“No?!” Remus practically shouts as soon as he recovers from his coughing fit. “Why would you ask that?”

Marlene raises an accusing brow. “Because I know you are, I just want you to confirm it for me.”

Remus looks anywhere but at her. “That’s just bollocks.”

“Really?” Marlene smirks. “Because a little bird told me he’s coming to our gig on Sunday. And he, apparently, calls you baby. And Moony.” Marlene can still remember the feeling of utter confusion when Mary told her every single thing she overheard Sirius say on the phone while she was going through… whatever that was. 

First, she thought they were wasting their time. Remus being called baby and Moony was simply not something she thought he’d like. She never thought he’d be the one to like nicknames. But then, Mary said Sirius ended the call with, “Bye, Remus. Love you.”

And, yeah. That was shocking. 

The moment the last nickname rolls out of Marlene’s tongue, Remus begins to cough once again. So much so that Lily runs back into the garage.

“What’s happening?!” Her gaze falls on Remus. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah don’t worry,” Remus assures with a raspy voice. All the smoke and the coughing messing with his vocal cords.

Lily doesn’t seem to have it. She looks between Marlene and Remus, back and forth, expression switching from concerned to suspicious with every cycle. She totally knows Marlene said something that caused this. She also knows Marlene will most likely catch her up later. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t say anything about it. However, when she asks, “You sure?” she does not look at Remus, currently draping over a chair trying to catch his breath. 

“Yep.” Remus nods.

It’s a second after she left the garage to go bring tea that Marlene drops the whole mockery. “Rem, tell me you know what you’re doing.”

And finally, after a couple of coughing fits, Remus realises the cleverest thing to do is stab out the cigarette he’s holding. “I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you, though?” Marlene presses on. Because after the initial shock of this revelation, came the worry for the well-being of one of her best friends. The Sirius Black she knows is the type of guy that everyone talks about simply because of how great he is. Although being great in their society isn’t exactly a good thing. Remus either doesn’t know that, or the Sirius Marlene knows isn’t the person he actually is.

In any other scenario, she’d cross that out instantly. But… Mary. Mary has continuously proven to her that maybe the picture she’s painted isn’t the most accurate one. Still, Remus dating Sirius Black, the male equivalent of Mary Macdonald, has to arouse some negative feelings. Especially because of just how hurt Remus will be when he realises the horrific reality of Sirius’ – and, unfortunately, Marlene’s – social cycle.

She has to at least warn him. 

“I do, I swear.” 

“You do know that people at the club are… questionable.”

Remus snorts a laugh. “That’s one way to say weird as fuck.” He shakes his head. “ You’re not questionable.”

“I’m different.”

“He is, too.”

Marlene bites the inside of her cheek. “He might appear like that but, Remus, he’s still the fancy heir Sirius Black I’ve grown to dislike since I was little.”

Remus smiles as if Marlene’s basically solved her own concerns. It’s also a smile that hides more sadness than it does happiness. “And isn’t that a great reason for him not to openly be who he is?”

Marlene gulps. She knows all too well. It’s been a while since she last wore a dress and followed her mom to the club for tea. It’s been a while since she last wore make-up that made her sweet and approachable instead of the heavy eyeliner and dark lipstick she chooses to wear to gigs now. It’s been a while, but she still remembers being scared to express herself. Until she finally did, and there was no coming back from that.

“You have a point,” she admits, looking at her shoes. Once upon a time, she wore Mary Janes and not checkerboard slip-ons. “But be careful.”

Remus nods slowly. Then he dead-eyes her. “Don’t talk to anyone about this,” he warns. “Including Lily.”

“My friend Mary knows,” Marlene feels like she has to inform. “But she won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

And, you know what they say. Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

Marlene’s phone starts ringing. It’s got no sound on because she didn’t want any distractions from her rehearsal, so she doesn’t notice. But Remus does. 

“Speaking of,” he says, and for only a moment Marlene thinks he’s implying Mary is there. It’s completely unrealistic, and it makes no sense whatsoever. But for a second, a very intense second, she thinks Mary’s there. And then her eyes land on her lit phone, Mary’s name plastered on the screen in big letters.

Right. Of course.

She clears her throat, turns her back at her friend, and swipes the little green icon.

“Hey, gorgeous.” Each day and a different nickname. Yesterday was lovely, the day before it was darling and now it’s gorgeous. Marlene’s feelings are mixed. Not negative, and not exactly mixed, if she’s honest. She just can’t for the life of her understand what she feels every time Mary calls her a different nickname. And she doesn’t try to understand either, it’s not like it would be of any importance.

“‘Sup, princess,” she greets back, a huge grin on her face. She doesn’t even realise she started smiling the second Mary’s voice sounded on the line. She grabs the metallic stool by the sofa and sits down.

All kinds of sounds and voices echo in the background, Mary doesn’t sound too clear when she hesitantly says, “I have a favour to ask.”

“Shoot.”

“I forgot my planner at home,” she starts to explain. The voices in the back start fading away; Marlene supposes she’s going somewhere quieter. “And I need it, like, right now. I’m arranging some stuff for the ball, and… My parents are busy and my friends are at the beach. Please, I’d owe you so much if you can drop by my house and bring it to me.”

The smile on Marlene’s face drops just as fast as it was built. A nasty feeling pools at the bottom of her stomach. “Is this my mom’s doing?” 

Because no matter what, Mary is still the debutante Marlene’s mom recruited to convince her to become a debutante as well. Maybe this was all part of her plan, to get her to like her, pretend that they’re all friendly, and eventually land the goal. It makes her sick that the person she’s been growing to like the past days could be fooling her this entire time. But then, who’s fault is it, really? Marlene knew from the start who Mary is and why she is hanging out with her, yet she still looked past that and saw her as someone who she could be friends with. And that’s her fault.

“What are you talking about?” Mary asks, genuine confusion blended with her words.

“Are you trying to rope me into debutante activities and stuff because of my mom?” She asks straight forward.

“I– what?!” Still, the confusion in Mary’s voice remains. Only there’s another tone added to it; disbelief. As if that’s an insane thing for Marlene to think. “Marlene, if anything, making you work to prepare the ball will do the exact opposite of enthusing you about it.” She gulps, obviously hesitant now that Marlene’s brought this issue up. “Don’t you think?” A beat passes, then two. Mary sighs. “It’s okay, I get it. Sorry for bothering you.”

Marlene drags a palm down her face. Despite herself, and despite the situation, and despite everything that could go wrong, Marlene finds herself asking, “What’s your address?”

She gets the details, and Mary gives her instructions on what to do, and when she finally hangs up the phone, the tables have turned. Remus is the one glaring at her now, with a raised eyebrow as well. She almost shrinks into herself, feeling ashamed for a reason she’s not exactly sure of. Maybe it’s because she just agreed to ditch the band and go help her new friend for something she swore she would never bother herself with. 

“Bit hypocritical of you, eh?” Remus asks, arms crossed in front of his chest. 

And that’s not what Marlene was expecting to hear from him. “What do you mean?”

“Scolding me about Sirius when you got yourself entangled with a girl from the club as well.” Her breath catches in her throat. Not with this again. “Need I tell you about how people from the club might appear different but they’re still weird as fuck?” 

Momentarily, Marlene wants to punch that smug look off his face. “I’m not… entangled with Mary.”

“Sure,” Remus rolls his eyes. “But you’re cutting the rehearsal short to help her out with something, right?”

Marlene bites the inside of her cheek. “Right.”

“Okay then…” He falls on the sofa. “Lily will be so mad.”

・❥・

There’s one little thing Mary didn’t account for when she sent Marlene to her house to grab her planner.

There’s no one there to let her in. 

Very little thing, indeed.

Mary doesn’t answer the phone at first, and Marlene has to awkwardly stand outside her house, wondering how and why she ended up in this situation. She left her band practice to help a girl she only beforehand doubted had actual friendly intentions for her. She got scolded by three of her friends for it, she – falsely – got called a simp for a girl from the club, yet she still grabbed her guitar and left. 

She went home, left her things there, informed her mom she’s helping Mary with the debutante ball. Not because she wanted her mom to be even the least proud of her, but because she needed the car. And there was no other way that her mom would give her the keys, unless it had something to do with the club’s golden girl herself and the most awaited event of the season. Coincidentally, this time she didn’t lie. She actually was helping Mary with the debutante ball.

Or, at least, she’s trying to help Mary with the debutante ball. If Mary decides to answer the phone and tell her what she’s supposed to do. 

She tries to call again, and although it takes a fair share of rings, Mary replies. She sounds out of breath. “Hey. So sorry, we’re trying to hang some ribbons. Did you get it?”

“Uh…” Marlene rubs the back of her neck. “Not exactly. How am I supposed to get in?”

“Oh!” Mary exclaims, giggling afterwards. “Forgot to tell you… So, you have to sneak in through the window.”

Marlene blinks once, blinks twice. She even blinks thrice. “Huh?”

“Yeah, out the back, you have to climb the second tree to your left and you’ll see my room. It’s not that difficult – or dangerous, in case you’re worried about that.”

Marlene doesn’t even have time to ponder on the fact that Mary knows how to sneak in and out of her room. Maybe there’s more to her than Marlene thought, not such a golden girl after all. But that’s not what’s important right now. “Is that not breaking and entering?”

“Is it really breaking and entering if it’s my house and I’m giving you permission to do it?” She can hear the smile on Mary’s face. It’s surprisingly convincing. “Plus, my window is open so it’s just entering. No breaking in sight.”

Deep down, she really doesn’t want to disappoint Mary. And it really sounds insane, but she once again finds herself agreeing without really thinking about it. 

Marlene sighs as she looks at the tree she’s supposed to climb. Mary said it’s supposed to be easy and safe. Marlene seriously doubts it. How could it possibly be easy and safe to climb a tree to get to the second floor of a building? Yet, she still does it. 

What’s even possessed her these days?

With one last sigh, she starts searching for a spot to latch onto the trunk of the tree. The surface is sharp and rough and she prays she gets no blisters in her palms, but she grasps onto it anyway. If sweet and perfect Mary has done it enough times to be familiar with the process, then she can do it as well. The more she climbs up, the more she realises just how severely she had underestimated Mary. It truly isn’t for the weak, climbing up. Yet Mary described it as something so easily achievable. Unless she just didn’t want Marlene to back away now. 

In any scenario, Marlene didn’t back away when she saw the height of the tree, or all the branches sticking out in places that would make it impossible to climb. And when she made it to the branch that led to Mary’s window, she avoided to look down at the distance between herself and the floor, and budged the white, wooden frame open before slipping inside.

Mary’s room is everything she expected but at the same time, not. It’s tidied and organised, with pastel colours, floral fabrics and wooden furniture. A large canopy bed sits against the wall opposite the window Marlene just came in from, and right behind two of the four posters, a vibrant, embroidered tapestry decorates the wall. No doubt, handmade. And incredibly valuable. 

Over the lilac duvet, there’s a skirt, a couple pairs of pants, a lace bralette and some shirts, all messily thrown. On the floor next to the bed, books pile up. And over them a few fashion magazines.

Marlene’s supposed to call Mary the moment she makes it into the house for further instructions, but she delays it. Instead, she takes a seat in front of Mary’s vanity, seeing her reflection on the mirror Mary probably gets ready in front of every morning. She spins on the velvety stool, eyes landing on the armchair at the corner of the room. She imagines Mary sitting there, texting Marlene if she wants to get tea with her. Marlene bites the corner of her bottom lip, looking around. The place where Mary exists without the fear of eyes perceiving her. 

She’s contemplating whether she should open the music box sat atop Mary’s dresser when she hears it. A woman’s voice, getting louder with every second that passes. Then a second, sweet yet strangely familiar voice joins it. 

Marlene’s heart stops. She runs around frantically, wondering if she can get out the window and climb out of sight in time while simultaneously looking for a place to hide because she knows there’s no way she’s that fast. She manages to slip under the bed only a mere second before the door is pushed open, and a woman in high heels walks in. 

“Mom, I told you, it’s fine. I got it covered, you don’t have to go–” Mary. Marlene smiles.

“Mary, I’m here now. Where have you put the planner?” A strict voice demands. Yeah, that’s a friend of her mom’s all right.

“Uh…” Mary trails off. Against her hip bone, Marlene feels a slight buzz. She thanks everything that matters that she didn’t switch the sound back on. “Second drawer on my desk.”

As silently as she can, Marlene fishes for her phone from her pocket. A message from Mary, sent just now.

Mary Macdonald

My mom is there.

Marlene almost laughs.

Marlene McKinnon

yeah i can twll

Mary Macdonald

Are you okay?

Marlene McKinnon

[image attached]

hiding under the bed

Mary Macdonald

So sorry I put you in this situation. 

In the time Mary’s texting her, she’s also talking with her mom. Marlene can hear the distraction in her voice; it’s a little faded away and it takes her a few seconds to reply to what her mom is telling her. Perhaps that is because she’s busy, perhaps not. However, what really stands out to Marlene is the dead silence that comes from her side of the line when she texts back,

it’s okay i’ve been in similar situations before

No matter how loud Mary’s mom speaks from that and on, Mary just doesn’t seem to hear. Marlene’s eyebrows furrow.

wanna answer your mom?

A light cough later, Mary says, “That’s all, mom. I don’t need anything else, thanks.”

Marlene stares at the three tiny dots indicating Mary’s typing bounce up and down then disappear only for them to come back seconds later until she hears Mary’s mom’s footsteps fade away. She doesn’t dare slither back out until she hears the front door bang, and a car start up right outside Mary’s window.

Thankfully, she felt too bad to park in their parking lot and parked on the side of the street. It would cause lots and lots of problems had she not done that.

And then, after she finally stands back up, her phone buzzes on her hand.

Mary Macdonald

I’m still sorry.

Have you made it out okay?

Marlene McKinnon

yeah dw

Now, there’s just no way Marlene would go back to Lily’s garage after this. 

They’d ask her how come she’s back already, and she’d have to explain that she drove all the way to Mary’s house, broke in, hid under the bed, and still left empty handed. And the worst part, she doesn’t even feel a tiny bit of frustration at the waste of time that was.

Why? Because Mary asked her to.

And dare she explain all that to her friends, she’ll never hear the end of it. She can practically hear them already.

So, of course, she doesn’t go back. She goes home and falls back to sleep. Because that’s the only thing left to do that would keep her mind far away from wondering:

Why did she throw everything to the side for Mary?

Chapter Text

What a great week this week has come to be after its horrid beginning. She has no one to thank for that, but Mary. Mary who told Marlene’s mom they will make plans to hang out by themselves, and so Marlene hasn’t gotten woken up the past two days. 

It’s all thanks to Mary that this beautiful Tuesday morning all Marlene had to do was eat breakfast and chill. Because was it in the hands of her mom, instead of catching up on news and playing video games, she’d be drinking awfully mediocre tea at the club. And no one truly understands how much she did not want to do that. And because of Mary, she doesn’t have to.

This morning, she woke up when it was no longer considered morning, ate normal breakfast over her laptop, and cursed the fuck out of James when he asked her to come to the club and keep him company during his shift. The fucker.

Obviously, Marlene couldn’t say no. Well… she has said no to the exact same question countless times before, but to be honest something at the tip of her tongue stopped her from uttering the two-letter word. Deep down, she dreaded the moment she knew would sooner or later come: the realisation that her mom’s plan is working. That Marlene doesn’t say no to country club outings; in fact, she looks forward to going. 

Granted, it’s for slightly different reasons but she supposes the next thing on the checklist is her going because she wants to go and not because she wants to see someone there. 

Oh, yeah. Because that’s why she doesn’t say no to James. Because she wants to see someone there. And it’s definitely not James.

Because she hasn’t seen Mary the past two days. And although she hates to admit, she’s quite missed her. Weird how she’s grown to feel so close to someone who she only met a week ago. But still, she hasn’t seen Mary these days and she wants to see her. And what’s the one place she’ll one hundred percent find her?

The club.

“I’ll be there in, like, twenty. Maybe more.” 

The disbelief in James’ voice is more evident than Marlene’s lesbianism. “Wait, for real?”

“Yeah,” Marlene confirms as she’s going through literally every piece of clothing that hangs – or is thrown messily, and unironed – in her closet. James goes on to express the disbelief Marlene spotted in his tone, this time with words, but she’s not paying even the least attention. For some reason, she feels like she must present herself well – dress well, as if someone of any importance is going to see her and she has to make a good impression.

At the bottom of her stomach, a foul feeling pools. This all feels a little too close to what her mom wants her to be; maybe Mary plays a part in all of it.

But this has nothing to do with her mom’s idiotic plan that is definitely not working. Or with Mary. Why would Marlene care about what Mary thinks of her? She’s simply going out, and like any other girl, she wants to look presentable. And that is all.

She tips down the stairs swiftly, checking her phone as she does so. Her mom’s plan can’t be working when she still wants nothing to do with anyone her mom wants her to surround herself with. She just wants to go to the club. For entirely different reasons. Her mom’s plan can’t be working when Marlene still chooses to surround herself with the people she does. Had it been working, she wouldn’t be replying to texts in the band’s group-chat, trying to plan their next rehearsal, she’d be texting some debutante or whatnot to plan a tea party or some other incredibly boring outing.

The office is where she finds her mom, arranging some binders and papers neatly before putting them all in her briefcase. It has her initials marked on the leather, and it seems far too small to fit that much paperwork, yet it does. Truly a wonder.

“Can I get the car keys?” she asks. Her mom doesn’t look up from her papers.

“Where are you going?”

It stings when Marlene says, “The club.” She says it through her teeth, and makes sure it sounds as unpleasant as she can. Still, it’s now that her mom raises her head and finally looks at her.

“You’re going to Fairmond right now?”

“Yeah,” Marlene confirms.

“Meeting Mary?”

“No.” Her mom’s brow falls. “Maybe later. She’s got a dance lesson with the debs now.” It’s embarrassing that Marlene knows that. Especially because it wasn’t Mary who told her of her schedule, it was something she found out on her own. Or, with the help of James. It was very easy for him to get the debutante schedule, what was not as easy, though, is Marlene dodging the questions he threw her way. As if she had to have a good reason as to why she wanted to know the schedule.

“You could join her,” her mom says.

Rather strangely, Marlene actually takes a moment to consider it. On one hand, she’d dance with Mary. They’d probably laugh and giggle and share dancing stories in low tones. Marlene would lead. On the other hand, Marlene would do a debutante activity and she’d do it because she chose to. A debutante activity. Her mom’s plan that Mary is a part of.

No, she would not join her.

Then, her mom adds, “I’m sure Miss Bell will find a partner for you to dance with if you wish to.” 

And Marlene pauses. Why the hell did she assume her mom was suggesting she dances with Mary. It was the most obvious thing in the world that that would be far from the case, how could her own mind betray her like that and stray towards that direction. She shakes her head; a signal of her denial but a small move to straighten up her thoughts as well.

“I’m not joining the lesson,” She states sharply, leaving no empty space for her mom to snoop in with a predetermined failed attempt to convince her otherwise. “I have plans.”

Her mom stares, blinks. Marlene can see it in her eyes she wants to say something more on the matter, but thankfully she does not. “I’ll drive you.”

Great. Now not only will her mom be there as well (there’s no worse time to be at the club than when her mom is also there), but the time she spends there will be entirely up to her. Marlene won’t have the privilege that is to just head out the moment all these smug idiots that occupy the corridors get a little too annoying for her already weakened patience. She’ll just have to tough it out. 

As she leaves the house, she pauses in front of the foyer mirror. She bites the inside of her cheek. She still styled her blue hair this morning, and she doesn’t have some plain, boring hair colour or hairstyle. She still wore her clothes, her own clothes, the clothes that define her and not some all-too expensive sundress that most of the girls she’ll see in a few minutes are probably wearing. She still put on her overly worn checkerboard slip-ons instead of kitten heels.

It doesn’t matter if she chooses to go to the club. She’s not yet lost herself to her mom’s bullshit.

For now, she can only hope she and James will stick to the pool bar and steer clear from the previously mentioned corridor pricks.

・❥・

Damn James, honestly.

What’s the greatest thing a best friend can do? But of course, invite you to “hang out” only to throw work in your hands.

Marlene pushes the large french doors that lead outside open, grateful to finally get out of the tacky-wallpaper-ed, outdatedly-furnished and, most importantly, judging hallways. The ceramic tile that lines all of the paths is carefully maintained, its grassy grouts looking as if someone trims them every night before closing, yet despite it being the third time she repeats this route, she still steps on the one slightly larger grout that makes her momentarily lose her balance. 

Before carrying on, it’s technically mandatory to send a look at James. Although he’s gotten so many identical looks from her already that he doesn’t pay it any mind.

Marlene sighs deeply, stretches her neck. She places down the two six-packs of water bottles she’s been carrying and flexes her now aching shoulders before she picks them back up. That’s what she’s been doing from the moment she sat herself on those tall bar stools she usually finds herself on whenever there’s nothing better to do. Only this morning, when James suggested a way to kill time – and wait for Mary to finish her dancing lesson – she didn’t think she’d be up and walking from the bar to the storage room on the second floor because James is so dumb and he made a bet on something that wasn’t likely. And now he had to do this chore on the day the elevator broke.

And the damn idiot lost. Obviously.

The funniest thing was that despite willingly going to the club, she was planning to stick to the pool bar and far, far away from whomever could trigger her nerves and ruin her day.

Which, needless to mention, failed. Majorly.

Marlene stacks the six-packs on top of each other and takes a moment to rest before she repeats this whole thing for what she hopes will be the last time. James leans on the counter next to her.

“So,” he starts. 

She raises an eyebrow. He has done nothing to deserve any conversation that begins with a so and that interrogating tone of his. If anything, he’s done just enough to deserve a curse-off. “No.”

“No?”

Marlene shakes her head. “Absolutely not.”

“You don’t even know what I was gonna say,” he tries to reason. 

But Marlene knows her best friend well enough by now. “I do know, however, that I don’t want to hear it.”

James waves it off and opens his mouth. See now, if it was anyone else, Marlene would just leave. But since James wasn’t kind enough to listen to her, now she has to listen to him. Crazy thing what fourteen years of friendship does to a person because in what mad world does Marlene let anyone interrogate her?

“You and Mary.”

Well, that’s a promising start. Marlene shifts uncomfortably. She’s not exactly sure why that is. “What about me and Mary?”

James stays silent for a moment that Marlene does not like. And rightfully so because what follows after it would throw her into a coughing fit was it not for the calm she’s fighting to maintain. “A pool date? Couldn’t you guys be a little more subtle at least?”

Controlling her words is big enough a struggle. She cannot do the same with her face. Her eyes go wide. “What?!”

“Your little date here the other day,” he clarifies. “I was here, remember?”

“That wasn’t a date,” she defends, looking anywhere but at her friend. Or at the pool. Which she finds difficult because she’s at the pool with James.

James doesn’t seem to believe her. It makes her want to punch him for some reason. It’s not the first time he’s taken stuff out of context and refused to let her correct him, and it certainly won’t be the last. It’s never bothered her as much as it bothers her right now. 

“Right,” he says. “And I’m not James Potter.” He ignores Marlene’s annoyed look, doesn’t let the snap-back linger for long. “You were all over each other, Marlene!”

And right about there, Marlene pushes herself off the counter she was leaning on and starts following the familiar route to the storage room. She doesn’t wait for him to say anything else and she doesn’t say anything back. She doesn’t even try to deny everything he’s saying; she knows it’s pointless. Mostly, she leaves so swiftly because she must busy herself before her mind begins to picture Mary hugging her, Mary’s body against hers, Mary’s hands pushing hair out of Marlene’s face when she resurfaces from her deep dive. She cannot think about any of that unless she wants to waste all of her time on denying what these thoughts most likely mean.

Anywho, she’s not a stranger to James’ antics. So, she’s aware he’s going to trail after her before she even decides to ignore him and leave. “Marls, you know this won’t end well, right?”

Her head lols to the side, her steps stop abruptly. James takes a couple more steps before he realises Marlene has stopped in her tracks. “What exactly do you think is happening here, man? You think I’m, like, in love with her?”

James blinks. “That’s exactly what I think.”

It’s very difficult to pinpoint what Marlene feels about this assumption of James’. Because it’s clearly, obviously far from the truth, but still she feels some sort of anger that can’t be called anger because she’s not mad at him, or his assumption, or that he’s wrong. She just feels beyond perplexed and, frankly, she should’ve stayed in the comfort of her room today.

“Well, you’re wrong.” She carries on.

Only to stop again when James dares to ask, “Do you remember what happened the last time you liked a girl from the club.”

She doesn’t because she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to remember sleepless nights crying after she tried kissing her crush three years ago. She doesn’t want to remember the girl running to Marlene’s mom to tell on her, and her mom knocking on her door the next day with a scolding at the tip of her tongue. The most awful thing, which was the most unlikely, was that despite the angry expression in her mom’s face, she did not scold her or tell her anything about the news she was told. Instead, she had the utter audacity to soften up. Because Marlene must have been at her lowest point, wondering where she could stay now that she’d be kicked out, seeing her life fall apart before her eyes, and her mom just… hugged her. Her mom shushed her sobs and hugged her. Because Marlene must have looked so desperate at the moment, even her mom couldn’t be horrible to her.

The matter of her sexuality was never mentioned again. It was like her mom never found out, it was like her mom never comforted her for the fact she was outed to her and their entire community. Marlene only got some sparse mentions of getting a boyfriend that she knew her mom couldn’t possibly say genuinely.

“James, just–” She takes a deep breath. “Let’s stop talking about this. Please.”

“I’m worried about you,” James tells her honestly.

Marlene smiles at her friend. Despite placing his worries at the wrong thing, she’s grateful he cares so much about her. “Don’t be. Everything is under control.”

Only it is not.

This time, on the way back to the storage room, something is different than it was on the last walk to and from it. A set of large wooden doors that were previously shut are now open. Marlene knows what that room is used for, and the classical music blasting from it is enough confirmation. She doesn’t need to look to be sure, and so she keeps her eyes away because she doesn’t want James to understand what’s going on in the room as well. It’d make things a lot more awkward than they already are. He doesn’t also need to know that Mary can very easily see them walk past the room her dance lesson is taking place in.

Well, the truth is that despite the glasses, James can see what’s happening through the open doors. The point is that Marlene must not, under any circumstances, acknowledge it. Even better, she must not show she understood what’s going on. For all James knows, Marlene doesn’t even know a debutante activity was planned for today.

Which is a very difficult thing to achieve when Marlene hears her name whisper-yelled from across the corridor by one familiar and sweet voice. And obviously she cannot just ignore it, now can she?

She ignores James stopping by her side and looking back before she does, and puts on her best – and most genuine she can muster, given the circumstance – smile before she too turns to face Mary Macdonald. 

Her smile turns a lot softer when she sees her. The vibrant blush on her cheeks, the mascara that brings out her eyes. Her hair pulled into two buns on top of her head. Her light blue – her favourite colour – sundress and the kitten heels to match it. And, of course, that gorgeous smile she reserves for Marlene, and her only. As far as Marlene has witnessed, at least.

As soon as Marlene turns to face her, Mary waves at her hello before she waves her over. Marlene stands awkwardly, pondering. Thinking about how going over will do the opposite of helping her case. She looks over to James, and he probably sees her from the corner of his eye because at the same time he turns to look at her as well.

She doesn’t say anything; she doesn’t have to. One unnecessarily deep sigh later, James says, “Oh, just go.”

And she smiles. And she goes.

Mary joins her in the corridor, makes sure the teacher doesn't see her sneak out and closes the double doors behind her. She greets her with the brightest of smiles. “Hey, lovely.”

Lovely. Marlene’s stomach flutters. 

Marlene shoves her hands into the pockets of her jeans to at least play it a little more nonchalant than she actually feels. “Shouldn’t you be dancing right now?”

Mary nods, expression serious. “I should be, yes.” She makes no gesture of going back to the class. “How come you’re around here?”

“Umm…” Marlene’s shoulders rise and fall. “Didn’t have anything to do today, so.”

“Do you want to join me for a dance then?”

Yes. Marlene would very much like to join her for a dance, her hands on her waist, their bodies up close. She wants nothing more than to join her. “Can’t.” But regardless, it is still a debutante activity that her mom is trying to rope her into. And Mary could as well be specifically asked by Marlene’s mom to invite her for a dance just for that case. Because, really, there’s no reason Mary doesn’t already have a dance partner – probably whoever she’s bringing to the dance. “I’m helping James with something,” she elaborates.

“Oh, okay.” Mary bites the corner of her mouth. Without her permission, Marlene’s eyes trail towards the movement. She looks back up faster than she looked down. “Well, I have to go back… See you later?”

“Sure.” Marlene nods. She hopes she’ll see her later.

There’s one turn left for the storage room, it’s not that far away. So she knows she’ll find James around the corner, eavesdropping before she takes the turn herself. Because unless he fell and hurt something, there’s no logical explanation as to why he hasn’t carried on the usual route without her.

And, of course, she finds him sitting on a six-pack of water bottles, his back against the wooden panel decorating the bottom half of the walls. “You just denied her something,” James states, an amazed tone to his voice. “I didn’t know you had that in you.”

Marlene rolls her eyes. “Shut up.” She kicks at his feet. “There’s no way I’m falling for my mom’s tricks.”

At that, James seems confused. “You think Mary’s still doing that?”

“Why else would she ask me , of all people, to join a debutante class?” And as she says it, the more possible this entire friendship being a sham feels. Her heart tightens and her mouth goes a little dry. 

James looks at her in a way that makes her want to punch him again. Just to get that look of poorly concealed pity out of his stupid face. “Are there any more of these left?” she asks instead of turning to violence, pointing at the six-packs.

He shakes his head. “Just these two.”

Marlene grabs one of them, James takes the one he was sitting on, and they walk back to the bar in silence. Marlene’s all too aware of what James is thinking about, of how perplexed he must be feeling about the situation Marlene has gotten herself in, but thankfully he speaks none of his concerns. After all, he’s already spoken some of them and the reaction wasn’t as positive as he probably hoped for. He knows not to try again.

・❥・

Just as Marlene thought she’d go a day without hanging out with Mary – which was probably for the best after some recent realisations she’s had – the random phone call she receives at the randomest time in the afternoon makes her think otherwise.

She doesn’t have enough time to greet Mary when she answers the call. “Join me for a match of tennis?” Mary’s sweet voice asks from the other side of the line.

Marlene’s hands freeze on the keyboard of her laptop. She hasn’t played tennis since the competition last year. Hell, she hasn’t even practised at all. It’s partly why she avoids going to James’ place lately – James’ dad has been her tennis teacher ever since she was a little girl and told her mom the instructor she had at the club was mean. Now everytime she goes to James’ house, Fleamont makes sure to comment on her talent slipping away. He doesn’t say it with any malice, and it certainly doesn’t feel like a lot of pressure, she just feels bad letting him down. So she stopped going altogether. She cannot tell him again that no, she doesn’t want to reach Wimbledon level because playing at Wimbledon was never her dream. But Fleamont wants her to follow in his footsteps. And she does not want to.

“I…” she drags the vowel, matching two tiles on Mahjong. “I fear I can’t, princess.” And she feels like she has to elaborate. Only it doesn’t come out entirely truthful.  “I’m level seventy-two on Microsoft Mahjong and I want to reach level eighty.” Just partly truthful will have to do.

“Eighty?! How much free time do you have, Marlene?” Her hands freeze again, mid tile match this time. Her name surely does sound so well on Mary’s lips. 

“Too much,” she admits. “It’s awful, I know.”

“Then come join me,” Mary suggests again. Marlene pushes her chair backwards and spins once before she grabs her phone from her desk, turns the speaker off and brings it to her ear.

“I’ve also sort of promised myself I’ll avoid playing tennis until uni because I never actually liked it and I’ve only played because my mom wanted me to.” And there goes the partly truthfulness she was trying to maintain. It’s all the way truthful now.

The line goes quiet, and Marlene starts to feel dread pooling in her stomach. Mary is not the kind of person to trust with this information. After all, she only hangs out with Marlene because Marlene’s mom told her to, she’s certainly not the girl to tell all this.

“Is it that or are you just scared of losing?” Mary says after a little while. Sort of an odd thing to say after what Marlene just admitted.

Marlene rolls with it anyway because it’s not clever to bring the conversation back to what she said. “By you? Funny. Especially considering I won the tournament last year.”

“Yet you’re still afraid to play with me. Hm… speaks volumes.”

Marlene shuts her laptop close. It’s not like this is a debutante activity, right? “I don’t have to wear a skirt, do I?”

“Nope, wear whatever makes you feel comfortable. You’ll need all the comfort in the world when your ego gets hurt after you lose.”

“Need I remind you that last time you were this confident princess, you lost at chess,” Marlene teases, a subtle smirk forming on her lips.

“You will not be winning again, trust me.”

“Well, now I just have to prove you wrong again.”

“Dream on, McKinnon.”

Chapter Text

Well, as it turns out, a singular game of tennis leads to a whole lot more of them. First, it was a very simple “You were just lucky. Rematch tomorrow?” and next thing Marlene knows, she’s getting ready for their daily match of tennis. 

And she must admit that Mary is a fun person to play with. Their games are competitive but in a silly, lighthearted way. She doesn’t have her mom’s eyes piercing through her and expecting a win. And, frankly, the only thing that makes her hate the game feels irrelevant when hearing Mary’s triumph-laugh and sees the smile of victory that brightens up her whole face. She almost doesn’t hate the damn game because of them. Because of her.

So now, just like yesterday and the day before, Marlene sits at the bench on one of the club’s tennis courts, waiting for Mary to join her. She slips on her headband, resting it right on top of her hairline – it’s a simple white one with an embroidered evil eye in the middle. It was a gift from James. Which he actually didn’t get himself. So, technically, it was a gift from his grandma from Greece. She sent one for each of them before a tournament when they were little; she said it’d give them luck to win. 

So, from that win and on, Marlene was convinced she only kept winning because of the headband. Now, she knows that’s nonsense, but she considers it her lucky headband anyway.

And today she feels lucky enough already. So, maybe, with the help of her lucky headband she’ll manage to break the tie she and Mary have been continuously stuck on.

The approaching footsteps her ears pick up bring a smile to her lips. 

But that doesn’t last long.

“Can’t believe Mary convinced you to play again,” an incredibly annoying voice says smugly.

Tilly. “Tilly.” The last person she wants to see right now. Or ever, really.

Marlene and Tilly were the ones that made it to the final game in last year’s tournament. And, despite Tilly’s multiple and ridiculous attempts at sabotaging Marlene, Marlene still won. By a long shot. Ever since, she gets death-glares whenever she sees her at the club, and she hears her name whispered and laughed at whenever Tilly and her friends sit a little too close to her. But she doesn't care. She hasn’t cared about Tilly’s opinion of her ever since her sister – which also happened to be Marlene’s gay awakening and first crush – outed her to her mom and the entire club. And Tilly was right there, first in line to spread the news and make fun of her. Sometimes she blamed Tilly more than she did her sister.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I remember you telling me that after your win you’re done with the sport,” Tilly furrows her eyebrows, crossing her arms in front of her chest. 

“I did tell you that, yes,” Marlene agrees boredly. She doesn’t pay any attention to her and instead continues tying her shoes.

“And yet Mary Macdonald got you to play with her, how odd.” Marlene spares her a short-lived glance. She doesn’t say anything but that makes Tilly look like she heard a million things. “Oh my gosh, Marlene, do you fancy Mary Macdonald?!”

Marlene’s hands pause mid shoelace bow. She looks up at Tilly so fast she almost pulls a muscle. “Of course not.”

“Okay, good,” Tilly says in a way that makes it dreadfully clear she does not mean it. And in that same tone, she adds, “Wouldn’t want you to go and get your heart broken by someone that talks shit behind your back.”

It was never easy for Marlene to describe her emotions; she was always found at a loss of words whenever she was asked to do so. Regardless, in this exact moment, if someone asked her to explain what she is feeling, she’d say that her stomach felt like it was brutally kicked out of her body and repeatedly stomped on. She’d say that she felt her breath get stuck on her throat and follow down a path towards her ribs. She’d also say her brain was screaming at her. Bit of an overreaction? Perhaps, but the doubts she’s been slowly collecting were about to be confirmed by the person she hates the most in this damn place.

She blinks once, blinks twice. She tries to will her throat to swallow the spit that’s been pooling in her mouth in the seconds her entire system was turned off. 

Then, despite not really believing it, she tries to convince herself it’s all just a lie. Something made-up by Tilly to make her feel miserable. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened, so it’s entirely possible. Yet something bugs her. Maybe the fact that Mary’s been trying to rope her into debutante activities, or maybe the way Mary reacted to Marlene’s reason for avoiding tennis. Maybe because from that moment and on, all they’ve done is play the fucking game.

Most importantly, because Mary only hangs out with her because Marlene’s mom told her to. Just because Marlene wrongfully confused their fake friendship for a real one, doesn’t mean that Mary sees her as an actual friend as well. 

She blinks away the tears that have begun gathering in her eyes, looking away so that Tilly doesn’t notice the wreck her last words have turned her in. She will not give her that satisfaction. But she can’t help but ask, “Why, what has she said about me?”

“Just that you’re an annoying, selfish brat.” A stab at the heart. Despite it being metaphorical, the pain isn’t. “Her words exactly. She also said she can’t believe she has to hang out with you when there are better things to do.”

Maybe Marlene is foolish to believe Tilly. She can’t fathom that the Mary she’s been spending time with would say that about her. The way she laughs when she’s around her, the way she talks when she’s around her, the way she continuously tries to be around her – that can’t be so wrong of a perception of her. Marlene cannot possibly be this wrong about her.

“She also said that–”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Marlene stops her. 

Tilly sounds far from genuine when she says, “I didn’t tell you all that just to upset you, Marlene. I just wanted you to know who you’re spending all your time with.”

“Right.” Marlene nods once. Bitterly. “Thanks. Can you leave now?”

Tilly smiles. “Sure…”

Before she leaves the court, though, the little thought that’s been picking at her mind takes control. “Wait!” Tilly turns slowly. It’s infuriating. “What else did she say?”

“That you and your lifestyle are disgusting.”

After that last word, Marlene’s ears begin to echo a high-pitched ring. Her posture falls, and her breathing slows and, really, she has no reason to be this upset over a girl. Not just any girl, but Mary specifically. The girl she was sure she’d hate, the girl she knew she had no business spending time with. The girl she didn’t even want to spend time with.

It’s all thrown on her so suddenly, she cannot find a corner of her brain that is clear enough to consider the possibility that this truly is just a big lie. The fog in her mind stops her from seeing the nonsense that this is.

She doesn’t understand when Tilly leaves and when Mary comes. She only acknowledges a second presence when a hand rests on her shoulder, and her attention is snapped to whomever the owner of the hand is.

Which, predictably, is Mary.

Mary smiles at her like she does every other time she sees her. Only this time, Marlene doesn’t see the same. This time, she sees a fake smile that Mary purposefully puts there to trick her into thinking they’re friends.

“Ready to lose, McKinnon?” She says teasingly, setting her bag and her racket on the bench next to Marlene. 

Marlene doesn’t know what to say, she can’t think clearly with all the fog. Hell, she can’t think at all. “Yeah,” she says absent-mindedly.

There’s a heavy moment of silence that, of course, Marlene doesn’t understand due to the ringing that hasn’t stopped. 

“Are you okay, Marlene?” 

At her name spoken so softly she looks at Mary. She almost cries right there and then. “Hm?”

“I said you’ll lose and you didn’t even try to snap back,” Mary points out, her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes wearing a concern that Marlene doubts is genuine. Since the seat at Marlene’s side is taken by Mary’s stuff, Mary just squats in front of her, placing her hands on Marlene’s knees and staring deep into her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Mary’s gaze is so strong Marlene doesn’t dare to hold it any longer. She fixes her eyes on the hands that grasp at her knees. She takes a long, deep breath before she attempts to speak. “Did you call me disgusting?”

Without her permission, her eyes glance up at Mary, just to see her reaction to the accusation. She finds her to be surprised, and visibly confused. “What?! No, why would I call you that?”

“Did you call me an annoying and selfish brat?” She then questions. This time, when she checks Mary’s reaction, it’s not the same one as before. Her eyes have gone wide, and all the confusion has drained itself out. This stings more than Marlene expected it to. “Did you also call me a waste of time?” She goes on to ask because since she’s getting it out now, might as well get it all out at once.

“Marlene, look–”

Despite herself, Marlene laughs. There’s no comedy in her laugh, and it’s far from happy. It’s dry and pained and it hurts to do it because of how sore her throat has grown. “So you did call me that,” she says more to herself than to Mary. That little light that remained on and held a hope that this wasn’t true was just now turned off. In the most awful way possible. “And here I was thinking it wouldn’t be true. Silly me.”

“Marlene, wait, let me expla—”

“I won’t, actually,” she says. “There’s no need to. I get it. I’m just some annoying brat whose mom asked you to hang out with. I get it. You don’t like me, and it makes sense.” Marlene pushes Mary’s hands off her knees and gets up, gathering her things. “That’s why you keep trying to make me do debutante stuff!” She exclaims with a bitter laugh. A poor attempt to hide the sobs that are building up. “The sooner I join, the sooner you get me off your hair! That’s also fucking why you didn’t give a flying shit that I didn’t want to play this dumb game!” Mary’s lips have parted in surprise by Marlene’s outburst, Marlene can only see it and her furrowed eyebrows through stingy, foggy eyes. “Well, worry not, princess! From now on, consider me off your hair.”

She’s not surprised when Mary says nothing back. She likely has nothing to say. 

Marlene pulls out her headband and throws it into her bag. So much for a lucky thing.

・❥・

It’s very clear when Marlene is in a bad mood because she doesn’t complain about anything. Usually, it’s the other way around for most people, but Marlene has always something to complain about. And if she stays quiet, everyone knows that something is wrong.

Even her. So every time she doesn’t feel well and doesn’t want anyone to know, she tries to keep her usual attitude and complain about stuff. Mostly unsuccessfully. And some other times, like this one, she couldn’t care less about what her friends think she’s going through.

When she first made it to Lily’s house, wearing large-framed sunglasses that she didn’t take off for the first thirty minutes, she did a splendid job at avoiding any and all questions. Then, she took the sunglasses off and the questioning, logically, became a lot more persistent and worried. It was more difficult to avoid, but she did. It’s not that often that Marlene cries, especially that much, everyone in her close circle of friends knows that. So, to see her red eyes with dark bags underneath them was definitely a rare occasion. And they knew something bad must’ve happened.

But all Marlene wanted was to carry on with their rehearsal and not speak about Mary at all. Or ever again.

So now, she follows the melody calmly, lets herself get lost in the sound of the music, and only focuses on the chords she’s strumming. She makes a remarkable effort to not look at any of her friends, or the looks she knows they keep aiming at her.

Until Lily says “Let’s take ten, yeah?”

It takes everything in Marlene to stop herself from saying, “Let’s not.” She can’t say it, not when she’s trying to avoid any more questions. She is always the one to suggest the break. It’d be far from odd to do the opposite now. 

She just wants to continue playing, let the music soothe her like she always does whenever she needs a break from everything. She also just wants to hang out with friends who actually like her, but, like, actually just hang out with them. No weird questions, no weird opening-ups. She doesn’t feel particularly nice about them interrogating her.

That doesn’t mean they don’t. Lily nudges her with her shoulder. “Want some ice cream?” Okay, well, they’re interrogating her subtly. 

Marlene shrugs. “Sure.”

As usual, Remus takes his place next to the garage door and lights his cigarette. Marlene is just about to ask for one when Dorcas comes and sits way too close to her on the sofa. “Look,” she starts. Marlene already knows an over-exaggerated eye roll is soon to come. “I know you said you don’t want to talk about it and I get it. But you have to talk about it.”

And here goes the eye roll.

“Oh, quit doing that, you nobhead” Dorcas rolls her eyes as well. The audacity of this girl. “We’re your friends, you can talk to us about things that upset you. I might hate it but I miss your consistent annoyance at everything and everyone.”

“I’m fine, Cas,” she tries to reassure. Falsely so. “Just a bad day is all.”

“Which means you’re not fine.”

“You also don’t look fine,” Remus plainly points out. As if she doesn’t already know.

“Gee, thanks, Remus.” Marlene blinks at him blankly. “You’re so sweet.”

He stabs the remaining of his cigarette on the handmade polymer clay ashtray Lily’s made just for him. “Cut the crap, Marlene. Tell us what happened.”

Wow, okay, now she wasn’t expecting that sort of attitude from Remus of all people. And she hates what it implies. Because of course she wants to tell her friends what has upset her, they’d be there for her and comfort her. However… Remus did warn her about hanging out with people from the club. Granted, he talked about more intimate relationships and not just friendships, but she knows he won’t hear it if Marlene tells him she is like this because she found out the girl she rapidly grew fond of in the past days, and who he warned her about, turned out to be just what she initially thought. Her mom’s pawn.

Which brings her into another thought. Since she was already expecting this pretend friendship to be, in fact, just pretend, then why did confirming it hurt so damn bad?

She doesn’t look at her friends when she admits it, but she also doesn’t go so low to look at her shoes. She fixes her gaze on her guitar, now abandoned by Remus’ drums. Mary didn’t even get to see her play. But then again she probably didn’t mean it when she said she wanted to see Marlene play. 

Mary knows Marlene is in a band. Marlene was foolish enough to trust her with keeping this information from her mom.

But if she ratted her out… Her mom would probably already know by now, though, no?

“Mary’s not who I thought she was.”

Remus nods like he heard exactly what he was expecting to hear. Dorcas seems confused. “Sirius told me you’ve been playing tennis with her these days.”

Marlene almost feels ashamed about that, like she broke a promise she made not just to herself, but to everyone she cares about as well. Because her friends were the people who encouraged her to quit since she didn’t like it, they were the ones to suffer with her bad mood while her mom was in a bad mood because of her sudden quit. And all that just to go back to playing because of Mary.

She gets defensive. “What? You put your boyfriend to spy on me?”

Bless Remus for never taking her shit. “You’re not mad at me here.” Her mouth snaps shut, and Remus sighs slowly. He too comes to sit next to her. “You promised you’d be careful.”

And, frankly, enough is enough. “I’m not fucking in love with her, Remus!” She screams louder than she meant to, pushing herself off the sofa. 

“You started playing tennis again for her, Marlene!” He yells back after studying her for a moment too long. “You hate tennis with your entire gut! Maybe it’s time to consider that you might have some feelings for her!”

She looks at him, looks at Dorcas now in shock by the unraveled conversation, looks at Lily who just came back holding two small red bowls with ice cream. “And what good would that make me?!” A light tingling travels up her arms all the way to her neck and her face. “You’re so pressed about me admitting that I might like her, but really, why should I?! Liking her as a friend got me in the fucking gutter!”

An uncomfortable silence comes to settle in the garage. That is until,

“Fuck the bitch,” Dorcas says. All heads turn to face her. “What? I might not know who she is or what she’s done but If she hurt you, Marls, I know she’s shit.”

The worst thing is that she’s not. Marlene refuses to see her as shit, she’s been so nice this whole time.

“And you’re worth much better,” Lily joins in, despite not being present for most of the conversation. But then again Marlene and Remus were’t exactly speaking quietly, so she probably heard everything from the kitchen. She walks up to Marlene, pulls her into a side hug. “She doesn’t sound all that great either,” she says as she passes one of the bowls to her.

Marlene chuckles, wiping at her eyes. “You don’t know anything about her.”

“Yeah, and she still doesn’t sound great. Imagine that.”

But Mary would sound great if it weren’t for the most recent bit Marlene has to say about her. And under any other circumstances, she thinks Lily would like her. If she met her, that is.

Quietly, “I worry a lot,” Remus admits.

“You should stop doing that,” Marlene tells him. “It’s not that big a deal. I can handle it.”

Remus’ eyes pierce through her. He probably sees right through her lies. Thankfully, he doesn’t say anything else.

“And please don’t have your boyfriend spy on me,” she then decides to add. “It’s weird enough that you’re dating someone from the club, let alone Sirius Black, I don’t need his eyes on my back.”

“It’s only fair he spies on you a little bit,” Remus tries to defend. “You spied on him, too!”

“What?!”

Remus shakes his head. “He’s not dumb, Marls. The moment I mentioned I knew you he was like “oh, that’s why they were following me.” You really thought you were being subtle?”

Well, truthfully, Marlene hasn’t got a clue if they were being subtle, she was a little too lost on Mary’s presence near her, on Mary’s touch on her bare skin. The thoughts of that day cloud her mind, shut her up. She cannot be thinking about Mary now.

“Let’s continue playing.”

・❥・

Marlene’s mom must’ve probably understood that something happened with Mary by the way, in contrast to previous mentions of her, Marlene was dodging every single question about her.

It was probably no news to her that yet another fake friendship she pushed towards her daughter failed. It’s not the first time it happens and, unfortunately, it won't be the last. Only this time, a vastly huge difference is that Marlene actually liked Mary, she actually did become friends with her – be it one-sided. 

Her mom knew, of course she did. It had never happened before; Marlene willingly hanging out with someone her mom asked her to without at least making a huge fuss about it. It was obvious enough by the way that she and her mom haven’t gotten into fights big enough to have Marlene avoid talking to her, or avoiding her in general, since her mom introduced her to Mary. So, obviously her mom knew. 

The odd thing, though, was that she didn’t make it a big deal. Hell, she didn’t even mention it. 

Now, Marlene could assume that her mom is just used to this outcome by now, but not even a question about it is far too concerning.

In any way, Marlene couldn’t care less.

From the moment she finished her early dinner and went to her room, the only moment she set her music’s volume low enough to have a coherent thought besides her headache was when her mom knocked on her door – and then burst into her room because Marlene didn’t hear the knocking – to inform her she was leaving for some event and wouldn’t be back until late.

And since then, the entire neighbourhood has heard Marlene’s playlist. Although it’s a tiny bit lower than it was before her mom left, because she feels like she has to know if someone breaks into her house. Not like she’ll hear a thing over the still really loud music, but it not being as loud is a – perhaps false – reassurance for her.

It still needs to be really loud. No thought should reach further than “man, my head hurts.”

Until the bell rings.

Marlene surprisingly hears it over the music, and it only momentarily stops her from spinning around herself on her gaming chair. She continues without paying it a second mind. She doesn’t answer the door on her good days, what in the world would make her answer the door today, of all the damn days.

The bell rings again. She ignores it. And again, and on the fourth time as well. 

And right as she thinks whatever persistent idiot who decided to come to her house at ten in the night finally left, her music gets briefly interrupted by the one of the few contacts that go through her do not disturb – a contact she forgot she had given the access to a few days ago when she wanted to take a much needed nap but also didn’t want to miss out on any plans.

Mary Macdonald

Answer the door.

I can see light from your window.

And I can hear your music. I know you’re in there.

Marlene’s stomach drops to her feet. She doesn’t move, but she does pause her music, and that probably made Mary think Marlene is going to answer the door, so the doorbell doesn’t ring again, and she gets no further texts.

She doesn’t make a single move to go anywhere. She doesn’t unpause her music either. She’s standing in the middle of a very delicate line; on one side sits the brutal reality that is never being able to deny Mary something. And on the other, moving on. Accepting that the situation is as it is, and continuing her life pretending like it didn’t affect her that much or at all.

She grips at the faux leather of her chair’s armrests. Realistically, the cleverest choice is the side of which she cannot get any more hurt.

So, why is she leaning towards the other.

Her attention is forced to her open window when something – a pebble, really?! – is thrown inside, and then another one comes after it. The third one probably hits a wall because Marlene only hears a very light tick.

“Come on, Marlene!” She hears from outside. She remains still. “I want to talk to you, please!”

Mary throws another pebble, only this one doesn’t make it inside the room either. It hits the drainpipe with a loud clunk and falls back on the yard.

Marlene pushes herself off the chair, and runs towards the staircase. She goes so fast she doesn’t even turn back when the hallway rug slips off place. She doesn’t even stop when she almost slips and falls on her way down the uncarpeted wooden stairs. She doesn’t stop until she makes it to the entrance hall, and the dread starts gathering.

For the first time in what must be forever – since her dad last surprised her with a visit. Many, many years ago – Marlene finds a new sense of appreciation for the lack of windows in the entrance hall. This way, she gets to prepare herself to open the door, she gets to give herself loads of chances to back off and leave Mary hanging. She’ll eventually go away, that’s for certain. Marlene might as well go back to her room where she can safely exist without the large bang of heartbreak weighing her down.

She grabs the bronze door handle and pulls.

And let's just say she was definitely not ready to face Mary again. Since the morning, she has had lots of time to paint Mary as this unpleasant presence that is only holding her back, her friends helped her do that as well. She was not yet ready for all that gaslighting to fall shallow as soon as her eyes land on Mary’s vibrant smile – a little different than usual, it’s less naturally happy and more relieved, but the wrinkles it forms on the corners of her mouth are still there and Marlene swears she was mad at her one second ago.

And that’s why she needs really loud music to stop her from thinking.

Marlene is still mad at her right now. Despite the smile and the sundress and literally everything about her.

“You’re trying to break a window or what?” She says instead of greeting her. Why even should she?

“Your window was open!” Mary tries to defend. 

“Oh, you were aiming for my window?” She jokes. Mary giggles. Mary giggles. That was purposefully repeated. Marlene’s entire mood softens, although she’s not so sure about her expression following suit judging by how Mary straightens up quickly and turns serious.

And for all that straightening up, Mary doesn’t say anything. Marlene sees the puzzle behind her eyes, but she just stands there awkwardly. Marlene opens her mouth to say something, probably something along the lines of, “I don’t care. Leave me alone.” Even though she’s sure she would never say that to Mary despite something in her telling her to.

Luckily, she doesn’t even have the time to.

“It’s not that I didn’t give a…” Mary starts off confidently only to falter at the end. She starts again, “It’s not that I didn’t care… When you told me why you didn’t like tennis, I mean.” Oh. Marlene swallows thickly, straightens up herself. Mary must notice she’s about to say something but she doesn’t allow it. “Please don’t interrupt me, I’ve been trying to find the perfect way to explain everything all day. I’ve rehearsed this a million times in my head, and I’m afraid I’ll mess it up.”

Marlene licks her lips, nods. “Go on, then.”

“You can tell me whatever you want once I’m done, you can even curse me off if you feel like it.” Marlene doesn’t say anything else, Mary takes that as a sign to continue with the monologue she’s apparently been preparing all day. “It’s not that I didn’t care, of course I did, I just– Look, I’m not used to talking about, I don’t know, real things. Things besides stupid club stuff. I’ve never had anyone that I could be real with, and certainly no one that could be real with me. 

“So, I didn’t know how to react, and I just tried to make a lighthearted joke. Trust me, I felt awful when I said it, and I was sure you’d call me full of crap but you went with it so I guessed I did the right thing. Now, I see that I was wrong, and I’m really sorry. We don’t have to play tennis ever again, really, screw the game.” Marlene promised herself she wouldn’t budge. But the smile – be it a small one – is tugging at the side of her lips and she cannot resist. In her defense, she never expected those words out of Mary’s mouth.

Mary continues, “About the debutante ball. I get that it looked like me trying to pull you into the whole thing – I mean, I didn’t get it at the time, but I do now – and, I’m sorry for giving you the impression that I was actually trying to do what your mom asked me to.” And at this point, Marlene just wants to interrupt her and admit that she stood at fault there as well. There had been multiple times where Mary proved she wasn’t trying anything suspicious, but Marlene chose to look past those and only focus on the ones that painted her in bad light. “Of course I’m not trying to rope you into the deb ball, I just spend so much time doing that and it’s time I’d rather spend with you! I guess I tried combining the two, but now I see it doesn’t work out well.” She takes a deep breath, exhales it slowly. “And about the other stuff… That, I did – or said.”

The tiny hope that believed Mary would say it was all a lie fades out. “But– Okay, look, I’ll explain. I know it doesn’t justify it, but I’ll explain.” Marlene crosses her arms in front of her chest. It’s almost like a shield to protect her heart. A rather useless shield because it doesn’t do or protect shit. “I did call you annoying, and- and a brat, I admit it. But it was before we met,” She says. “It was a few days before, actually, when my mom called me and told me what your mom had asked me to do, and I complained about it a little bit and the girls – wow, Marlene those girls really don’t like you, I have no idea why –” Marlene can’t hold back the scoff. “But they said some stuff and then expected me to agree with them so… I did. 

“And I feel so awful. So, so awful about it. Because for the first time in my life, I've found a real friend. I was so wrong, and I have never said anything bad about you since. I’ve even stood up for you when the girls say something, Marlene. Like, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I really like you.” Now, that is a stomach drop that feels more intense than an actual fucking rollercoaster. “And I never called you disgusting,” Mary then says. Marlene is snapped back by that last word. “I don’t know who told you that, but it was a straight up lie.”

And for that, fuck Tilly Anderson. She has a thing for continuously messing up the calm in Marlene’s life.

And also fuck Remus Lupin for being right. The arsehole.

“Are you done?” Marlene asks. Because all she wants is to grab Mary and kiss her right on the lips. And yes, she knows the whole “I really like you” was in a friend way, but she really wants to disprove it. Because Mary has been non-stop trying to apologise to her for the past five minutes after throwing pebbles at her window. And maybe, just maybe it was not in a merely friendy way.

“No,” Mary says. Marlene bites the corner of her lips. “So, I just wanted to explain all this, and I’m ready to literally beg for your forgiveness if needed.” Marlene swears Mary didn’t have these dramatics when she first met her. “Because I’m so, so sorry. And I really don’t want to lose you, you’re probably the greatest – realest – friend–” one hit, “–I’ve had. And your friendship–” two hits, “–means so much to me.” On the third hit, Marlene decides against doing what she initially planned to do. “And it would mean a lot if you forgave me, because I really want to be your friend…” Mary’s lips form a tight line, Marlene guesses she’s expecting an answer, but she’s still trying to find a replacement one. It must take her a long time. 

“I came here because I realised we’ve been doing things I like this entire time, and I figured we could do something you like. You like video games, right? I was hoping you could show me how to play because I don’t think I’ve ever played a video game in my life. I haven’t even held a controller, I think.” Yet again no answer, Mary starts to get seemingly worried. “I also brought food,” she adds. That gives Marlene something to say that doesn’t have to do with a literal love confession.

She lifts a brow. “What kind of food?” She acts relaxed, chill. There’s no need for Mary to know. Ever.

“Um… some trashy snacks and,” she raises a paper bag to her head level just to show it off, “Greek.”

Marlene allows the smile that’s been creeping up to fully emerge. Then she rolls her eyes as soon as she sees Mary relax in relief. She takes the paper bag from Mary’s hand. “Fine, I guess I can forgive you.”

Before she can even blink, two arms have wrapped around her. It hits her suddenly that for all the hanging out Mary and her have done, the closest thing to a hug she had gotten was Mary wrapping her in a towel before they ran after Sirius. Now, finally getting a proper hug, bodies against each other and holding tight, Marlene wonders how it took her so long to realise she likes Mary. That she likes her the way her friends accused her of. And now, now that Mary’s holding her, it’s more obvious than ever that she does, in fact, like her that way.

Her eyelids drop, and she returns the hug with her one free arm, wrapping it around Mary’s waist. She inhales, enjoys it for while it lasts, takes in the lavender tones of Mary’s perfume, and accepts that this can never happen. As Mary lets go, she chuckles and says, “Plus, you can’t hate me until I get to see you play the guitar on stage.” And now it hits Marlene that she has to explain all this to three fourths of her band that she is one hundred percent sure hates Mary’s guts. And all that before Tuesday. Oh, fuck. “Also, do you want to have a sleepover? I kind of can’t get back until my parents wake up.”

Marlene furrows her eyebrows. “Isn’t it usually the other way around?”

“Yeah, but it’s easy to sneak out when they're downstairs. They can’t hear anything. But their bedroom is close to mine and they will definitely hear me sneaking back inside,” she explains.

Marlene shrugs as if Mary and her having a damn sleepover isn’t the worst possible thing that could happen at the worst possible time. “Sure, you can stay over.”

Mary smiles. The way she always smiles. And now Marlene knows that this is, in fact, a real smile she saves for her only. “My mom must absolutely never, under any circumstances, find out how many calories I’m about to consume tonight,” Mary jokes with a chuckle. Marlene bites her lip, holds back from saying something like “I’m sorry she’s like that” , and instead goes with a light chuckle herself. “Oh, and you have to lend me a pair of PJs.”

Great. Because what’s the one thing that would make this situation way better and way more bearable? But of course, seeing Mary in her clothes. 

That was sarcasm, obviously. Marlene will die.

“Sure, princess.”

Chapter Text

Marlene hasn’t seen Mary since their silly sleepover. A sleepover in which she woke up with Mary’s arms and legs around her. In Mary’s defense, she had warned Marlene that she was a sleep-cuddler, and she would probably snuggle up to Marlene when she fell asleep, Marlene just hoped that wouldn’t be the case for that one singular night. But, obviously, that was, in fact, the case. Mary threw an arm around her before Marlene even fell asleep. Then, she was conscious enough to carefully move Mary’s hands away, and then fall asleep mildly peacefully. Only to wake up in Mary’s embrace. Because if the universe doesn’t hate Marlene McKinon then who does it hate?

Since then, Marlene has been awkward and completely avoidant. It’s sort of wrong to avoid Mary at all costs right after she confessed she’s the only real friend she’s ever had, and Marlene feels sick when she thinks about it, but it’s a necessary bad thing for the wellbeing of her heart.

It’s just that no matter how she puts it in her head, it always has one outcome. Mary’s very painfully straight, and dare Marlene confess anything to her, not only does she get her heart broken but she also costs Mary the one friendship that she apparently feels safe in. And that is not something she wants to do.

So, the only thing left for her is a pathetic attempt to get this damn crush to go away. She just needs to avoid her for a little while. A couple of weeks, maybe, that’s usually how long the average crush lasts for her. Or maybe, like, a month.

She’ll be just fine, though. So long as she steers clear of any activities that would bring them really close for whatever reason.

Mary’s asked her to hang out loads of times in the past days and Marlene has said no every single time. Playing video games wouldn’t work, obviously. At their sleepover they had to sit so close so that Marlene could remind Mary what each button on the controller did and it drove her insane. So, that’s certainly a big no.

A walk at the park wouldn’t work either. If she feels Mary’s hand accidentally brush hers while they walk side by side, it is guaranteed she will try and hold her hand. And, either way, no, she does not need to go on a cutesy coffee date with the girl she is not supposed to like that way. So that was a huge no as well.

And what did that leave them with? Chilling at the club? No, thanks. Swimming at the pool? Judging by last time, now that Marlene actually knows why she felt so suffocated, she’ll literally pass out mid-dive. Also a no, thank you. She values her life.

So, she’s found comfort in her excuse.

“Sorry, princess, I can’t. Practicing with the band today as well. You know, the gig is coming up and we want to be prepared.”

They have not been practising that much. Mary does not need to know that.

Speaking of the band…

As soon as Remus arrives, his eyes land on Marlene. And honestly, it must be the first time she fears that awkward dude. He fishes for his phone in his back pocket and quickly starts tapping away while still angrily walking towards her. And by the time he’s made it in front of Marlene, he’s found what he was looking for.

The screen is displaying a group-chat. Marlene doesn’t need to see which group-chat it is or what the texts say because she knows.

“Care to explain this?” Remus asks, talking about the texts that read,

Marlss

false alarm about mary

shes chill

i mightve overreacted a bit

she’s also coming to the gig tuesday

Yeah, so about these texts…

Marlene might’ve put out telling her friends about making up with Mary for a bit too long. She definitely didn’t tell them the next day or the day after that, and honestly, she had even forgotten she was supposed to update them before the girl that threw her off her mind showed up at their gig.

That is until last night, two days before the gig, after the usual outing suggestion that was quickly shut down, Mary asked if the invite to the gig was still standing. Obviously, Marlene couldn’t uninvite her only because she was too scared to tell her friends, so she knew what she had to do.

And that was to send some very simple texts that would bring a lot more uncomfortable questions.

“Hm…” Marlene purses her lips. “I don’t know, mate, the texts seem pretty informative to me.”

Remus blinks at her as if he can’t believe the shit he’s hearing. And he probably doesn’t. “Are you shitting me?”

“Uh… no?” Marlene shrugs, playing it relaxed. “Why would I?”

Remus turns his phone off and puts it back in his pocket. “And why would you invite her to our gig? Weren’t you a wreck over her just a few days ago, or am I missing something?”

Marlene nods, still remaining calm. And she cannot, under any circumstances, admit the recent realisations she’s had. Especially to Remus. “You’re definitely missing a make-up sleepover and a bribery of Greek food.”

With his jaw to the floor in disbelief, Remus turns to Lily and Dorcas, sitting on the little wooden table by the door and noting down lyrics for a new song idea Dorcas had earlier. He hopes they’ll say something, but they only shrug. Marlene knows they only care so little about it because before Remus arrived, a lot of talking took place. Loads and loads of explaining and gossip, and after even more doubts and other feelings of the sort, they decided to trust Marlene’s judgement of character. After all, they realised that Marlene must have a serious reason to trust her again.

Remus, on the other hand, won’t be so easy to convince. Which is also partly why she came to the practice earlier; to have the time to explain to the girls so they’ll be on her side and help her defend her argument.

And while explaining some stuff about the unlikeliness of her and Mary’s friendship due to the club, Marlene started to suspect a possible reason as to why Remus is so pressed about protecting her from girls from the club. It’s not like he’s been to the place, or seen how people act there. It didn’t take her long to figure out that it was something to do with Sirius, and that weird talk about whether or not she knew him. And she knew that after getting all this Mary talk out of the way, she’d have to interrogate the fuck out of him – or Sirius, for that matter – about what happened that made him so careful when it comes to people from Marlene’s club. A club that Remus isn’t even a part of.

“So you like her again because she brought you food?! ” He exclaims. “You can’t be serious!”

“No, you’re right, I’m not.” His expectant looks force her to land the joke far sooner than she wanted to. She really just wanted to leave that beginning to marinate in the air and raise Remus’ suspense. However, she continues quickly. “Your boyfriend is Sirius. I’m Marlene.”

His entire expression falls, and if looks could kill, Marlene would be six feet under by now. “Fuck off. I’m serious.” The moment Marlene opens her mouth to say something that Remus probably expects, he points a finger at her. “Don’t.” Her mouth snaps shut again. “Now, could you please explain what all this is?”

Marlene shrugs, repositioning herself on the sofa. “Mary found me the other day, explained some stuff. Turns out I was wrong about many assumptions I had of her, and now we’re good.”

Remus narrows his eyes. “It can’t be that simple.”

“It is, though,” Marlene confirms. “She explained, she apologised, and all is good. You need to stop worrying, we’ve talked about this.” Marlene can see it in his eyes that he has more to say, she can also see that he’s not going to. It’s an odd thing. “Hey, man, do you want to, I don’t know, tell us how you met Sirius?”

His posture straightens, his expression falls bland. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, It would certainly explain this negativity towards me hanging out with someone from my country club.”

He shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. You know I just care about you and don’t want you to get hurt,” he says, setting his backpack aside and making his way to his drums. “Sirius has nothing to do with this.”

Marlene is not even the tiniest bit convinced. “Okay… You do know, though, that if there’s anyone who’ll understand club problems, it’s me. Right?”

“There are no problems,” he tries to confirm. However, just like Remus sees through Marlene’s shit, so does Marlene. “I have a dentist appointment later, wanna get on with the practice?”

Marlene sighs. She can only hope that if anything goes wrong, he’ll trust her enough to go with her. After all, she’s seen what liking people from the club does to a person firsthand. And multiple times. “Okay, sur–”

The phone rings. Marlene’s phone rings, it’s obvious by the ringtone that echoes in the four walls of Lily’s garage. Suddenly, three sets of eyes turn to face her. Three sets of eyebrows raise. And although Marlene hurries to answer the damned call, she’s not fast enough to avoid Dorcas’ question.

“Is that…” she furrows her brows. “Spice Girls?”

And Lily is quick to follow up with, “Since when is that your ringt—?”

Marlene swipes the green circle on her screen, bringing the device to her ear. “Yes?”

“Hi!” And that’s pretty much all it takes for Marlene’s entire fucking face to brighten up. Just Mary’s cheerful voice, and the smile that Marlene can spot in her voice. 

For a quick moment, Marlene forgets she’s around people who cannot see her like this. “Hey, princess. What’s—” Everyone’s eyes go wide, and if their eyebrows were raised before, now they’re practically landing on the moon. Marlene clears her throat, drops the sappy smile as quickly as she can. “I’m kind of busy right now. Can I call you back when I get home?”

“Oh,” Marlene bites the inside of her cheek, stopping herself from spiralling over the little fade she notices in Mary’s excitement. “Sure. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah, bye.” She hangs up before she thinks about it even more. And she’s met with looks that could send a shy person into a cardiac arrest – the look of pure mockery.

Dorcas turns to Lily, grips her hands. “Hey, princess,” she says in a high-pitched tone.

“Oh, fuck off.”

Lily fakes a swoon. “Hey, princess.”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” Marlene rolls her eyes. “Stop that now. Please.”

And she knows she must’ve sounded so whipped when even Remus joins in. “But whatever for, princess?”

“Um, because you have a dentist appointment that you can’t miss?”

“Not nearly as important as this moment right here, princess.”

Marlene stops paying them any mind. And as they continue to put princess after every single thing they say, she goes over to where she left her guitar, and starts getting in place.

“So, princess, what’s up with the Spice Girls ringtone?” Now, there’s one and only way to handle this question. Which is to completely ignore it. When Lily gets no answer, she continues, “Okay, then let me guess… Her favourite song?”

Marlene looks anywhere but at her friends when she corrects. “Her favourite band.”

“Ha! Knew it.” She high-fives Dorcas. “You’re pathetic, Marls.”

・❥・

Well, if Mary’s immediate pick-up was anything to go by, Marlene should start preparing an excuse to avoid seeing her. Again. And, also, avoid thinking about how it has never happened to her before; for someone to answer her call one ring in. She does not want to think how that makes her feel.

She’s thrown her bag on her bed, and she disregarded the hoodie she was wearing – her favourite one – on her gaming chair before calling Mary and making her way towards the kitchen for a snack.

“Hey, sorry about before, I was with the band,” She explains. Not that that’s any acceptable excuse, but still. “I hope it wasn’t anything important.”

“Oh, no, don’t worry,” Mary confirms. Marlene opens the fridge and grabs the few watermelon slices that survived from last night’s gaming session – she finally passed that level she was stuck on, and ate her weight's worth of food in the process. Basically, there’s no fruit left in the McKinnon household. But at least she devoured a few amazing fruit salads. “I just have this little problem. Can we Facetime instead, I need to show you.”

Marlene shrugs as if they’re already on Facetime and Mary can see her. Then she remembers she cannot. “Sure.”

When the call switches to Facetiming, Marlene is on her way up the stairs, holding a plate of watermelon slices. On the screen of her phone, she sees Mary set up her phone on what she guesses is her dresser, as she remembers from when she broke into her house. Then, she grabs a piece of clothing and unfolds it. “This isn’t right for the occasion, right?”

It’s a white button-up top with embroidery-lined seams. Marlene smiles at how cute she imagines it would look on Mary. “What’s the occasion?”

Mary lowers the clothing item to her legs and stares at Marlene. “Your gig, obviously.”

“Oh.” Which means, oh, she’s so excited to come see me perform and I’ve been doing everything in my power to avoid seeing her the past few days. She clears her throat. “It’s fine, you’ll look really nice.”

“I don’t want to just look nice, Marlene, I want to fit in.”

“Then no, it’s not right for the occasion,” she agrees, grabbing a bite of watermelon.

Mary sighs, grabs her phone and settles on what Marlene now thinks is the armchair in the corner of her room. “I don’t have an appropriate outfit for your gig.”

“You could wear, like, a plain tee and some jeans.”

“I don’t have any jeans,” Mary admits. 

Marlene furrows her eyebrows. “How can you not have any jeans?”

Mary shrugs. “My mom doesn’t let me buy any, she says they ruin my figure.”

Marlene doubts that any piece of clothing would ever ruin Mary’s figure, but she knows the type of woman Mary’s mom is too well to think she’d be normal about the clothes she and her family wears. Now, any other normal person would probably suggest a different type of trousers. But not Marlene, apparently.

“Want me to bring you a pair?” For all she’s been trying to stay away, it’s way too easy to be the one who suggests they see each other. Okay, in all honesty, now that Marlene sees Mary's pretty face on her screen, she admits that she’s missed seeing her way more than she anticipated.

“You’d do that?” Mary tilts her face.

Marlene shrugs. This time, Mary can see her. “If you want me to. I’ve nothing better to do.”

“Okay, then I’ll be waiting for you,” Mary says with the biggest smile on her lips. 

“Wait–” Mary’s smile falters. “I won’t have to break and enter again, right?”

Until it comes back with a hint of relief. She chuckles. “No, you can come in through the door.”

“‘Aight. I’ll be there in fifteen.”

Marlene puts her hoodie back on, grabs a pair of jeans she thinks will fit Mary well, and she’s out the door.

・❥・

Almost as if Mary was waiting for her behind the door, the moment Marlene rings the bell, the door is pulled open. She notices now that the roles have reversed. Usually, it’s Mary coming to Marlene’s place, and usually Marlene is the one to answer the door. It also comes to her now, that this is the first time she sees Mary’s house.

“Hey,” Mary greets, and if Marlene dared to be honest, she’d say that Mary seems to be – awkward? She’d never accuse this, by all means, perfect girl of such a thing, but she bites at the corner of her lips and she pushes her weight to her toes before properly settling back on her feet. And Marlene thinks it’s adorable. “Thanks for coming to my rescue.”

“Well, I owed you one, so…” Yeah, because that’s the only reason Marlene is doing this.

Mary chuckles, and Marlene can’t help but notice how her eyes scan her entire body. Suddenly, she feels a little exposed – as if Mary can see right through this wall of lies Marlene has built to protect her heart. But then… Then, Mary hugs hers.

Mary just takes a step forward and wraps her arms around Marlene. It takes her a second to reciprocate, but when her hands find Mary’s waist, she almost faints. Oh, damn it.

“I missed you,” Mary whispers into her ear. And if she was about to faint before, you should see her now. She’s barely holding on. “I haven’t seen you these days.” And as she backs off, she keeps her hands on Marlene’s arms. “You’ve been so busy.”

Marlene chuckles lightheartedly, ignores the stab in her stomach. “Yeah, y’know… it’ll pay off tomorrow.” She hopes. “I hope.”

Mary smiles at her. “I’m sure it will.” Then she grabs her hand. She grabs Marlene’s hand and interlocks their fingers and, frankly, Marlene’s entire trail of thoughts just wipes itself out and leaves room just for this feeling of Mary holding her hand. “Now, come on.”

This is the first time Marlene enters Mary’s room through the door. She notices that this time, it’s more tidied; no clothes lying around and no make-up sprawled across the surface of her vanity. She’s also put away the open fashion magazines that were left atop a stack of books, only the books are still there as if they’re part of the furniture set. Despite having already been there before, Marlene feels an awkwardness crawl up her body. She suddenly doesn’t know what to do, or where to stand.

She doesn’t skip a bit for this exact reason. She doesn’t want to just stand there in the middle of Mary’s room. So, she unhooks her arms from her backpack, and places it atop Mary’s desk to get the jeans. She’s all too aware of Mary staring at her while leaning on one of the four posters of her bed. 

“So…” Mary starts. “How have you been?”

It’s in moments like this where the silence in the room is louder than music could be. It rings in the ears; it’s like four walls closing in on her and pressuring her for an answer.

“Pretty good,” she nods, avoiding eye contact at all costs. “I’ve spent tons of time with the band. You?”

Mary apparently doesn’t hear the last words. “You haven’t told me their names,” she states. “I know Remus because of… yeah.” Yeah. The pool “mission.” Mary’s naked skin against hers. Oh, for fuck’s sake. Marlene shakes her head clear and doesn’t care if she looks weird while doing that. “But not the rest of them. Is James in your band?”

“No,” Marlene says. It’s not like it’s taken her this long to get the jeans from the bag, it’s just that she can’t seem to actually let herself take them off it. “It’s me, Remus, Lily and Dorcas. Remus is on the drums, Lily is the keys, Dorcas sings and plays the bass.”

“And you play the guitar,” Mary adds. She says it with such amazement, it brings a smile to Marlene’s lips.

“Yep,” she agrees, takes the jeans off the bag. “I don’t know if they’ll fit you right. My jeans are all a few sizes larger because I like them oversized.”

Mary takes the piece of clothing that is offered to her. “Then I’ll wear it oversized as well. It’ll be fine.” But by doing so, she had to step closer, and suddenly Marlene finds herself looking up at her once again. Suddenly, Marlene can see each one of the freckles that dust her cheeks, including the one spot over her lips that she’s only recently developed a strong need to kiss. 

Marlene steps away. “So, that’s all, yeah? I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Mary frowns. She frowns, and her eyebrows furrow and gosh, Marlene wishes she didn’t have to step away. Actually, she wishes she could go right back up to her, smother the wrinkle that formed between her brows with her thumb and kiss the frown away. She wishes for so many things. None of which she can do, so despite Mary’s reaction, she has to keep her distance.

Eventually, Mary nods. “Yeah, I’ll see yo– Can you help me pick out a top as well?”

Is it clever to stay even longer? No. Can Marlene deny Mary anything? Also no. This no is a little more pathetic, though.

“Sure,” Marlene smiles. “What are the options?”

Mary disappears into her walk-in closet for a minute, and when she returns into the room she drops a couple of tops on her bed before checking the bottom drawer of her dresser as well, sitting criss-cross on the rug in front of it. “I keep clothes that I don’t wear here,” she explains as she’s looking through colourful blouses. “Because I don’t think the other ones will fit the occasion.”

Marlene lets herself wander towards Mary’s bed, takes a look at the clothes she’s brought out. She finds it fascinating how Mary doesn’t have a plain black t-shirt to wear, but then again, her mom doesn’t let her wear jeans, so she doesn’t doubt she has problems with plain clothing as well. A pastel green top with white lace lining the sleeves in one of the options while the other one is a plain white shirt at first glance, but when Marlene picks it up she notices the flowery buttons that split it in half.

And then Mary turns to look at her. Noticeably, empty-handed. “I have nothing.”

“All these clothes and not a single plain tee?” Marlene asks light-heartedly. Only she didn’t expect Mary to seem so… caught red-handed? 

“Nope,” Mary eventually confirms, pushing herself off the floor. “What are the chances you brought me a tee as well?” 

Marlene presses her lips in a thin line, shakes her head. “This one is fine,” she notes, holding up the white shirt with the flowery buttons. Mary takes it from her hands, walks in front of the mirror and places it in front of her chest.

“Ugh, I’ll look so out of place.”

And now Marlene finally sees what’s going on. Or at least, she thinks she does. Because for her entire life, Mary has been the perfect example of who to be and how to act in the club, and now she has to go to this entirely new environment and for what must be the first time ever, she’ll be the outsider. Marlene sighs.

“Okay, fine.” Mary turns to face her, confusion lacing her eyes. Marlene reaches for the end seam of her hoodie and pulls it off her frame. The chilly air of a summer night that slips in through Mary’s open windows gives her the chills immediately, but she doesn’t mind. She’s wearing a white tank top with a text stamp in the middle that reads, “Support the arts, kiss a musician.”

When she pulls the hoodie over her head, she finds that Mary doesn’t seem the least bit confused anymore. Instead, she seems distracted by what Marlene understands as she follows her gaze is her now exposed stomach. She pulls the tank top back into place quickly, covering the exposed skin, not leaving enough time for her brain to spiral over the way Mary’s looking at her at this very moment. She clears her throat, looks anywhere but at Mary as she extends her arm and offers her her hoodie. “You might get a bit warm in it, but you won’t look out of place.”

A beat passes before Mary finally takes the hoodie from Marlene’s hand. “Tha- Thanks. Thank you.”

Marlene nods once, heading for the door. “Show me out, princess?”

After they exchange their goodbyes and their “see you tomorrow”s, and Marlene is halfway down the stone slab path that leads to the street, Mary stops her. “Marlene?”

She stops in her tracks, turns around.

“Will you come to my birthday next week?” Mary asks, picking at her nails as she does so.

“Yeah, I got the invitation as well,” Marlene confirms.

But Mary shakes her head. “Most of the club got an invitation, my mom sent them out. I’m asking you personally because I want you to be there.”

Marlene smiles, feels a kind of warmth spread across her body, feels her heart pick up a faster beat. “I’ll be there.”

And she dares say Mary seems relieved at this confirmation. Almost as if she doubted Marlene would even go. Marlene doesn’t ponder on that because if she sees the situation from Mary’s point of view, it did look like she probably wouldn’t go. A party including so many people from the one place on earth Marlene hates with everything she has, and not to mention how she hasn’t spent any time with Mary in the past days, so skipping out on that as well wouldn’t be the most impossible of scenarios. But Marlene would never.

“Okay,” Mary smiles. “Bye.”

Marlene smiles back. “Bye, princess.”

・❥・

Nothing in the world could prepare Marlene for how nervous she’d feel walking up and down the backstage in the Valley Pub. She’s not nervous about the show, no. After all, they’ve done so many shows before, especially in this specific pub, so she’s warmed up to it. What she’s nervous about is the fact that Mary will be here any moment now, and she’ll see Marlene in her natural habitat; the stage with a guitar hanging around her neck.

She grabs her phone from the leather sofa and drops it back down when she sees no new texts. The pacing continues. And four sets of eyes follow her as she does so.

Four, yes. Because Sirius fucking Black is there as well. But she’s not acknowledging that she knows him from the club. There’s no need to.

“She’ll be here,” Lily confirms after a while. She’s been standing in front of the faded mirror, readjusting her sage green bandana.

“No shit.” A pointed look. “Sorry. Just…” She steals a glance at Sirius, making sure he’s not listening to her, and moves closer to Lily. “What if, I don’t know, I’m not as cool as she thinks I am?”

“Doubt it,” Lily shakes her head. “You’re cool as hell.”

“Yeah, but—”

“And if she doesn’t think so then she’s not right for you.”

Dorcas joins in, “I agree.”

Marlene pauses her pacing just to look at them for a mere second. Then she continues going up and down.

What if Mary doesn’t think she looks good enough? What if there is a possibility that she might like her and Marlene messes it all up because she looks goofy on stage? And what if her clothes fit weird and her mascara runs down her cheeks. She’s by Remus’ abandoned backpack when her phone pings, and Remus makes a dive for it over Sirius’ body before Marlene can grab it.

The absolute jackass.

“We’re not five years old,” Marlene says as she places her hands on her hips, mimicking one of the many looks she’s gotten from her mom. “Give me the phone.”

Remus suppresses his laugh, shakes his head no. 

“Are you kidding me?” Marlene tries to get her phone through her friend’s hand. Unsuccessfully so. “Come on, Remus, give me the phone.”

“Will you stop pacing back and forth?” He sets as a requirement to get the phone. “I feel dizzy just by looking at you.”

Marlene crosses her arms in front of her chest. “Fine.” Mary’s probably already here anyway, so pacing she has to do no more. Now she'll have to be nervous in silence and complete subtlety. If that’s even possible for such a dramatic person.

Remus gives her the phone but a warning look (that manages to do literally nothing) to go with it. It’s technically mandatory for Marlene to roll her eyes before she grabs her phone and flees to get Mary. 

Mary💕

I’m outside!

Marlene stares at the little hearts next to her name for a moment too long. Even catches herself smiling at the screen of her phone, thinking back to the sleepover and the literal scolding she got from Mary when she saw Marlene had saved her contact as something as simple as her name and last name. She immediately changed the name and took a quick selfie to put on her contact as well.

So, Marlene isn’t only staring at the little hearts next to Mary’s name, she’s also looking at the little round picture of Mary kissing her cheek. Marlene’s face is bright red but Mary hadn’t seemed to notice when she inspected the picture and set it as her contact photo.

It’s not even a minute before she exits the pub, dodging any and all questions about why she’s in such a rush. No time for such things, obviously, she’s in a rush. 

Mary waits for her leaning against a wooden fence, her arms crossed in front of her chest, wearing Marlene’s clothes. And Marlene doesn’t want to talk about the flip it causes in her stomach. Or the thoughts that start forming in her mind. She pushes them all to the side, and makes her way to Mary.

She approaches slowly, waits for Mary to notice her without forcing her attention to her. Which Mary does. Almost as if she sensed Marlene walking towards her, Mary turns her head to face her, and when she does, a huge smile unravels. What a sight. “Hey,” she says, turning off her phone.

Marlene smiles back. She can only hope it doesn’t give away just how much she likes her. “Hey. You look… Nice.”

Mary rolls her eyes. “Well, it’s your clothes.”

“I know. That’s why you look nice,” she jokes, taking her turn to roll her eyes. “Obviously.”

Mary’s brows fly up to her hairline, her lips part in shock by the comeback. “Wow, okay, Marlene. I see how it is.”

And the thing is that Marlene just can’t leave the negative comment hanging for too long. “I’m messing with you,” she clarifies in case Mary hadn’t understood that. She even dares to go as far as saying, “You always look nice.”

“I know.” Mary makes a whole show of pushing some of her curls back and side-eyeing Marlene. And Marlene just can’t help but chuckle, which is what makes Mary break character and chuckle herself. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

Marlene doesn’t even try to hold back the biggest of smiles. Maybe she does look cool. “Thanks. Shall we go?”

“Absolutely.”

And here comes the tricky part. Mary is not yet eighteen. Granted, she will be in about a week or so, but at this moment, her identity card only shows that she’s still a seventeen-year-old, and Marlene knows that Hank, the security guy at the pub’s entrance, won’t let her in. Marlene even briefly considered making her a fake identity but she figured it’d be a waste of time and money for only a week. Her other option, which is the one she’s planning to do, is to either gaslight Hank into believing Mary is also eighteen, or convince him to let her in anyway.

“She’s eighteen,” she claims. Hardly a lie.

“I need to see an I.D. first,” Hank says again. 

“You just have to trust me, mate, she’s eighteen.”

Hank raises an eyebrow. Yeah, even Marlene can tell this isn’t going to work out.

“Okay, look, she turns eighteen next week, and I really want her to see me perform. Please, Hank?”

Hank gives her a long look, sighs afterwards. He takes a look at Mary’s identity card just to make sure they’re not lying again, and lets them in with a simple warning of, “No alcohol for you, though, miss Macdonald.”

A very grateful thanks, a crowd of people, and a small panic later, Marlene makes it backstage with Mary’s hand tied to her own – which is, you guessed it, the reason there was an entire panic rush in her veins in the small walk from the pub entrance to backstage. Mary thought it’s a good idea to hold Marlene’s hand while they push through the crowd so they don’t lose each other in it. Completely unnecessary, if you ask Marlene, the crowd wasn’t even that big. All they truly needed to pass through without losing each other was a set of working eyes. And they both had that. Still, Marlene couldn’t find it in her to mind it. That is, if it weren't for the little thought picking at the back of her brain, telling her that if she continues to let Mary do these things, she’ll never get over her. But that thought falls completely shallow next to the warmth of Mary’s hand while she holds her own.

Remus before all gives her the most judgemental, pointiest look of all time. A look that also holds a disguised “I knew it.” somewhere in its deep trenches. Which is when Marlene realises Mary hasn’t let go of her hand just yet. And is seemingly not planning to. Marlene clears her throat, draws the band's attention to her and her guest, and braces herself for whatever is to come.

“You must be Mary!” Lily swooshes over, taking Mary’s free hand in her own to shake it welcome. “We’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Like, a lot,” Dorcas joins, and Marlene’s whole entire face burns. Especially when Mary spares her a glance and a satisfied smile.

“All good things, I hope.” And Marlene tenses up. Because Marlene has said nothing but good things about her, until their latest falling-out. And even then, she didn’t say anything actually bad about her – although her friends did.

“Always the best,” Lily agrees, Marlene’s shoulders drop. Before she’s even recovered, Lily throws an arm around her neck and pulls her into a side hug. “This one never shuts up about how great you are and—”

“Okay!” Marlene interrupts her before her face turns so hot she can fry an egg on it. She chuckles awkwardly and for now, she can only hope the makeup she spent so much time applying is doing a good job at hiding the blush she is one hundred percent sure is covering her cheeks, and her entire face, really. “Enough of that.” She pushes Lily away and goes to stand next to Mary. “The annoying one is Lily and this is Dorcas.” She points to Remus. “That’s Remus, and you already know Sirius.” 

Mary acknowledges Sirius with a sharp nod. “Sirius.”

Sirius nods right back. “Mary.”

And Marlene supposes this is a mutual understanding that they won’t snitch on each other.

When they agree the staring contest has gotten the point across, Mary finally smiles at the rest of the band. “Nice to meet you guys, I’ve been looking forward to this ever since Marlene mentioned it…”

Chapter Text

Stepping on the stage has always been so thrilling. All those eyes turning on her but without putting a whole load of pressure on her back. When she’s on stage gripping the neck of her guitar, there’s no stress weighing her down like there is when she’s on the court gripping her racket, no judgmental eyes piercing through her like daggers. Here, she can just play music and enjoy it.

Maybe that’s why she’s grown to hate tennis. She has never had the chance to just relax and play the sport without a teacher over her head correcting her every mistake or her mom’s eyes expecting her to become a world champion. All this leads her to wondering whether she would hate the sport as much was she taught how to play it for fun and not for competition, and this opens a pathway to the realisation that when she played with Mary, she didn’t exactly hate it. Mary wasn’t judging her, she didn’t expect her best possible  performance. Mary merely wanted to play with her because she wanted to spend time with her, and winning or losing or being good didn’t matter.

Speaking of Mary.

Everyone’s eyes are, like usually, mostly on the singer of the band. Not Mary’s, though. Mary’s standing at the bar, leaning her back to the tall surface as she holds her soda, and the orange lighting that hangs over her frames her in a way Marlene just can’t miss. Her eyes are wide with excitement and entirely fixed on Marlene. She hasn’t so much as spared a glance to the rest of the band, not even a little one. And Marlene finds it difficult to break her own eyes away.

She strums a chord, begins to play the familiar rhythm, and she’s still looking right across from her where the most beautiful girl in the whole damn world is giving her her utmost attention. At her attempt to breathe, Marlene finds that her entire body is shaking. And she doubts that it's stage adrenaline.

The entire first set goes pretty much like this; Marlene playing on stage, feeling as if there’s no one else in the bar other than her and Mary, and Mary never breaking her eyes away. Marlene has never felt so much in such a little period of time, such turns in her stomach, such fluttering under her skin, such fuzziness clouding her brain. It has never been like this, and that’s exactly what she wanted to avoid when she first decided to put a distance between her and Mary.

Because damn it, Marlene thinks she’s in love.

It’s stupid because they’ve only known each other for such a small period of time, but she feels so intensely that it can’t be described as anything other than love.

Song after song came and went, she played her part and she played her solos, and the stage light blinded her every time it turned towards her. And then she needed some air, because every time her eyes refocused and found Mary again, she seemed all the more breath-taking, all the more enchanted by Marlene’s performance.

The door behind her shuts with an unexpectedly loud bang, and the late night summer breeze pushes back the stray blonde strands that escaped her dutch braids. She draws in a large breath through her nose, lets it all out through her mouth, starts scanning for any seating to get her legs to stop shaking. And then she spots it, against the exposed brick wall and next to crates and crates of glass beer bottles, a wooden bench. A bench that’s clearly been through some tough times and has been standing on those four legs for longer than Marlene’s been alive, but it seems well enough. Marlene plops down, takes yet another breath in and drops her forehead on her palms.

Just then, the loud door swings open and bangs closed once again. 

Marlene doesn’t need to look up to know who it is. She recognises the familiar sports shoes she’s seen Mary wear – probably the only pair of shoes Mary owns that doesn’t stand out with Marlene’s clothes. She also guessed Mary would be the one to follow after her. Mary most likely went backstage to find her the moment the band left the stage, but Marlene headed straight to the backdoor and out into the alley. 

Mary comes to sit next to her on the bench, leaving no distance to be closed between them. Their thighs press against each other and Marlene gets a cloud of Mary’s perfume before she settles next to her. She digs her palms deep into her eyes, fights the urge to shake her head. She also fights the urge to tell Mary to spare her and give her some space.

All she needs is space to breathe. Because despite being outside, her lungs feel heavy and her throat closed.

Mary sighs before speaking, “Gosh, you looked incredible up there.” Marlene doesn’t say anything back. She can’t. Not even a snarky comment about the implication that she doesn’t look incredible the rest of the time. But obviously Mary notices something is off. Fucking obviously. She rests a hand on Marlene’s back. Marlene almost flinches. “Are you okay?”

She plasters a smile. She feels far from what her expression is displaying. Finally, she lifts her head, places her hands on her knees instead. “I’m fine. Just… adrenaline, y’know.”

“Oh.” Mary tilts her head to the side. The smallest of movements, but still so endearing, so caring. Marlene feels like she’s under a microscope, feels like this facade she’s putting up isn’t the most successful. “Do you want me to leave you alon–?”

“No,” Marlene denies quickly, grabbing Mary’s hand to keep her there. Prime example of speaking before thinking. The sanest option would be to say yes, to get the time she needs to go back and face Mary again. However, that’s not what she really wants. It’s simply the cleverest choice for her wellbeing.

Mary nods, drops her shoulders. It doesn’t go unnoticed that she shifts her hand and locks her fingers with Marlene’s. Actually, Marlene feels like the mere touch set her on fire. Gosh, you looked incredible up there. She gets the chills just by echoing Mary’s words in her mind.

“Okay,” Mary nods. “I just… wanted to tell you that I realised something while you were on stage.” Mary chuckles lightly, awkwardly. She seems like she doesn’t know how to go about it. Marlene wishes she could guess what she wants to say and spare her this obvious conflict, but apparently locking eyes with her doesn’t equal mind-reading. 

“Yeah?” She manages to say in the brief pause Mary makes.

“Yeah.” Mary drags in the largest of breaths, her chest rising and falling. “You’re, quite literally, the most amazing person I’ve ever met.” And if she’s not mistaken, Mary’s eyes briefly glance down. “I’m truly in awe.”

A burn spreads across Marlene’s face. She can only hope it’s not as visible as it is hot. “You’re overexaggerating.”

Mary has never looked so earnest before. “I’m not. You’re an amazing person, an amazing friend. You’re so brave you inspire me to be braver, to be myself without being scared. And don’t even get me started on how beautiful you are.”

The heat in her face burns stronger. “You’re overexaggerating,” she repeats.

“Marlene, I am not. You cannot understand how much I admire you.”

“Stop that.”

Mary’s eyes trail down once again. “I wish I could show you how much I mean it.”

Marlene gulps, struggling to breathe. This can’t be what she thinks it is, right?

She’s painfully aware of Mary’s eyes locked on her, just like she was back at the stage. Only then, she had enough confidence to meet her gaze and hold it for the entirety of the damn set. And Mary didn’t even break it for a second. Hell, Marlene doubts she was even blinking. Her eyes were blown wide and entirely focused on Marlene. Now, she can’t find the same courage. Mary’s out here calling her brave, but she doesn’t even have the courage to look her in the eyes. It’s like she touched a stove and burned her fingertips, she does not dare to smelt her fingerprints altogether. 

Mary seems to request otherwise.

If her breath was caught before, now it’s downright gone. Indefinitely stuck in her throat as Mary lifts a hand and catches the thin fabric of Marlene’s tank top between her delicate fingers. Her hand ghosts over Marlene’s shoulder, and finally Marlene redirects her attention to her friend. Curious as to what could possibly interest her this much on a plain tank top. Mary strokes the hem of the sleeve, meets Marlene’s eyes.

And before she has any time to think, Mary tightens her fist around a chunk of fabric and pulls.

It happens so fast, Marlene doesn’t have the time to understand any of it but one thing. There’s a press of lips against hers, and those lips belong to Mary. The Mary who she’s been dying to kiss this entire time, the Mary who, for some dumbass, idiotic reason, Marlene hadn’t realised the true nature of her feelings for, the Mary who she was sure she had absolutely no chance with. This same Mary just pulled her against her and connected their lips, and frankly, Marlene freezes before she does anything else.

However, she doesn’t give Mary enough time to pull back. She kisses back, experimentally. Treads carefully to see if Mary will back down or whether this is a dream that will be cut short as soon as Marlene leans into it.

Neither happens. Marlene doesn’t wake up from any dreams and not only does Mary not back off, she pushes in stronger, kisses her harder. And finally, Marlene loses herself in it. In the way Mary’s lips dance against hers, in the sweetness of her strawberry chapstick in contrast to the bitterness of Marlene’s beer, in the soft sounds of Mary’s sharp breaths as she dives deeper and deeper.

Just like that, she fully grasps the reality of this moment. And although she really doesn’t want to break their lips apart, she slowly pushes herself back. 

And she’s not even nearly prepared for the sight she’s met with. A frazzled Mary. Her pupils have blown wide as she stares at Marlene with a hesitant hue in her dark brown eyes, a silent question whether this was okay, whether Marlene wants to continue doing it. Marlene’s eyes trail back down to her lips, glimmering in the faint light only this time it’s not because of chapstick. She redirects her gaze back at Mary’s eyes, catching her looking down to Marlene’s lips herself, and, really, what did you expect Marlene do? Not kiss her again?

When she pulls Mary back, she wears a smile, and she’s happy to find that Mary copies it. Because Mary Macdonald kissed Marlene in the back of a pub, and she enjoyed it. Because Mary Macdonald kissed Marlene in the back of the pub, and she wants to do it again. Is that not worth the biggest smile known to man?

Their second kiss starts off as sweet. Smiles tenderly engulfing each other amidst their shaky breaths and giggles. And then it all just shifts as Marlene dares to catch Mary’s bottom lip between her teeth. From that and on, it’s sloppy and desperate. Almost like Mary has been wanting to do this for as long as Marlene has. Honestly, if she weren’t two hands deep into Mary’s hair and her stomach wasn’t acting like a literal acrobat in a circus, that mere thought would elicit an abnormal reaction out of her. However, with Mary kissing her senseless while cupping her neck, there’s really not much else that can throw her over the edge.

Or at least that’s what she thought.

Because Marlene might not mind the awkwardness of their side-to-side position on the wooden bench that stops them from really pulling each other close — she’s too busy minding her own lips to care about anything else at the moment — but seemingly, Mary does. Seemingly, Mary wants to be even closer. Marlene would definitely complain about the brief break of the kiss if it weren’t for what Mary went on to do. Which is, to throw a leg over Marlene’s thighs and lower herself on her lap.

An entire circus worth of acrobats don’t come nearly as close to the feeling that shifts in her in that exact moment that she feels Mary’s weight on her. She looks up at her, like she always does, and lets her hands travel down her sides and latch onto her thin waist. This time, she’s the one that pulls. She pulls at Mary’s entire body until it’s against hers and she has no other choice than to reconnect their lips. 

And she does just that. It’s all tongue and teeth and their breaths come out a lot shakier than they did moments ago. And Marlene feels drunk off of it. Of every sound Mary makes, of every way she shifts against her, of the way her hands don’t fear to travel from her face to her neck to her shoulders. They don’t fear to pull her closer.

Marlene's hands tighten their grip on Mary’s waist. She tilts her head higher up to have better access to Mary’s mouth, and only faintly restricts the sound she makes when Mary takes that as an invitation for her tongue to take turn in exploring her mouth.

Her hands slowly slither lower, waiting for Mary to bring up any sort of aversion to it and is beyond pleased to find that she does not. So her hands travel further down and—

“Hey, we’re back on in— Oh, fuck.”

And the fucking backdoor opens. 

Their lips break apart in a matter of milliseconds, and Mary buries her face in Marlene’s neck. As for Marlene, she’s currently fighting the urge to literally murder Lily Evans.

She knows she’s flushed red when she turns to face her friend, her hands retracting from where they were previously lingering. She goes on to entangle her fingers in Mary’s hair and comfort her from the amount of mortification she must probably feel right now. Marlene can literally feel the burn of her face against her collarbone, although she’s not sure whether that is because they were making out and Marlene’s hands were just on her ass or because they got caught doing the previously mentioned things.

Marlene smiles at her friend, although it holds no such thing as pleasantries. “Yes?”

And she knows by the smirk on Lily’s face that she’ll go through a shit ton of questioning tomorrow. “Back on in five.”

“I’ll be there,” Marlene informs, shooing her away with an eye-and-eyebrow wiggle. And Lily goes. And Mary is still hiding at the side of her neck. 

Marlene strokes her back, doesn’t even try to repress the smile that’s found its way to her face. She laughs. “You okay there, princess?”

Finally, Mary lifts her head up, and although Marlene finds that she quite misses her warmth there, the sight of a blushing crimson Mary wearing a shy smile is worth everything. Their breathing is still shaky, and Marlene doubts hers will go back to normal any time now. It’ll likely linger there for the rest of the night, maybe even tomorrow. It will probably be like that for as long as she gets to do that with Mary. 

Mary does a little movement that’s a mix of nodding and shaking her head. And Marlene just can’t help but laugh. Fully and properly. She laughs because Mary’s turned all shy and she laughs because Mary Macdonald just kissed her. And it still hasn’t quite dawned on her that this means Mary has gone through the process of thinking about her that way, of thinking that she likes her, that she wants to kiss her, before actually doing it.

But all good things end eventually. Although Marlene knows she’ll have to excuse herself and go back on stage, it doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to do it. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to continue doing what she was so rudely interrupted from. It certainly doesn’t mean she wants Mary to get off her lap. But, as previously stated, all good things end eventually, and Mary pushes herself off Marlene’s lap.

Yet, that doesn’t stop Marlene from holding her close, of placing her hands on her hips and keeping her in front of her as if she’d run away otherwise. She looks up at her.

“I probably have to get going,” Mary states hesitantly, her eyes looking back and forth between Marlene’s eyes and lips.

Marlene frowns. “Oh.”

“I have to get back home before my parents go to sleep so I can sneak back in,” she explains, and Marlene is ready to suggest another sleepover. But after tonight’s turn of events, she doesn’t want to push things or pressure Mary into doing something. After all, Mary knows she can always ask for a sleepover if she wants to.

So, Marlene can only nod. “Okay.” She smiles at her. So bright, so happy. “Thanks for coming.” Thank you for making this night more special than it could ever be.

“Thank you for inviting me,” Mary responds. “You’re, like, really cool.”

“Yeah, you got your point across very well.”

Mary snorts before she falls into a fit of laughter. And it’s literally the sweetest sound that’s ever blessed Marlene’s ears. A fond smile comes to rest on her lips. “Goodnight, Marlene.”

Oh, how she wishes she didn’t have to leave. “Night, princess. See ya tomorrow, yeah?”

A kaleidoscope of butterflies erupts in Marlene’s stomach. Partly because of the quick glance Mary gives to her lips, and mostly because of the urgency that laces her response, “Definitely.”

Any moment now, Lily will come back outside and scold her for not being back already. Marlene knows it, she knows the time has passed. Yet she watches Mary leave instead of going inside to find her friends. 

Right as Mary goes near the corner of the dark brick wall, she stops in her tracks, turns around. Marlene can’t help but furrow her brows in confusion.

Mary runs back.

Logically, Marlene panics. What could she have possibly seen while rounding the corner that makes her run back, and should she alert someone or ask for help? She’s beyond surprised when instead of hurrying her away, or expressing any sort of fear of something, Mary just throws her arms around Marlene’s neck and brings their lips together once again.

Marlene sighs into it. Not only relieved they’re not in any danger, but also totally, completely, wholly happy to be kissing Mary again.

This time, their kiss is slow and savoring but, unfortunately, rather quick. After all, Mary was leaving and Marlene had to be back on stage a whole minute ago. “Go rock,” Mary tells her once their lips part. And she’s gone.

Marlene stands there in complete awe for another minute. Far from caring about being late, or holding back the schedule.

Really, fuck the fucking schedule. She’d disobey it any time if it meant getting to kiss Mary.

Kissing Mary. Kissing. Mary Macdonald.

Something that Marlene has done now. The jitters in her entire body make it hard to calm her nerves.

She shakes her head – a failed attempt to calm down – and runs back inside. 

There’s no denying that everyone backstage knows. She gets suggestive looks and Dorcas even whistles as Marlene shuts the door behind her. But she doesn’t care. The smile that’s formed in her lips stays put, because Marlene kissed Mary Macdonald in the back of the pub. 

And they’ll kiss again tomorrow. And probably the day after. And the day after that as well. And so on.

Chapter Text

This time, no one can blame Marlene for pulling an all-nighter. She was at the bar most of the night anyway, but even when she got back, she couldn’t shut an eye. Which was far from what she expected. Usually, after a gig, she sneaks back into her room, takes a long hot shower, and literally passes out the moment she feels the mattress against her back. 

However, this night didn’t go like usual. It wasn’t just an ordinary gig, the kind that got them a small amount of money and a whole lot of confidence to continue performing. This gig also got Marlene a girlfriend. Possibly. She doesn’t want to jinx it.

Logically, every time she even tried to close her eyes, she was put back on the old wooden bench. She was back under Mary, kissing her senseless. And don’t get her wrong, that’s not a bad place to teleport back to, it just simply didn’t let her sleep. At all.

The most insane part of the night was that not only was Marlene not tired, but she was so awake she did her old work-out routine at three o’clock in the morning. And for someone who hasn’t worked-out in a couple of months, she didn’t find it nearly as difficult as she expected. That’s how much adrenaline was pumping in her veins. 

So, in the morning, when her mom comes into her room, she does not find her long asleep like she was probably expecting. Instead, she finds Marlene on her first coffee of the day and halfway through breakfast that her mom didn’t see her take from the kitchen. And, to no one’s surprise, the smile has not yet left her face. If anything, as time went, it drew all the more back to her ears. As time went, and the reality of the situation started to sink in, all the more happy Marlene was.

All the possibilities flashed before her eyes, everything she wouldn’t let herself think about finally found the surface. She thought about her and Mary kissing with every chance they got, sneaking around and feeling the thrill of getting away with it at the club, going on poorly disguised “friend” dates, then meeting up more privately just to be all over each other. 

Driving to the beach, going to the amusement park and getting cotton candy. Going to the cinema and secretly holding hands in the dark. Picnics. Walks. Sleepovers.

Marlene wants everything.

“Mary’s here to take you for tea,” her mom announces, seemingly surprised by Marlene’s state of awakeness this early in the morning. Marlene’s already flying down the stairs before her mom gets to finish what she was saying. She picks up some of it on her way downstairs, but she doesn’t pay it much attention. Too busy thinking about seeing Mary to even think of what she could possibly mean by “with company, so be presentable.”

She uses the oak banister to keep herself from slipping and breaking a leg, and pulls up the stubborn elastic of her pyjama pants that keeps falling to her hip bones against her will.

She rounds the corner to the living room all excited…

Just for her whole face to drop in a mere instant.

Next to Mary sits a blond, awfully generic white guy wearing a Ralph Lauren Polo shirt. A copy-and-paste of every overly egotistical dude roaming the halls at the country club with their chins up and those awful linen shorts. Marlene would gag at his face if her attention wasn’t focused on his hand very pointedly holding Mary’s. 

This random dude she’s never seen before holding the hand Marlene was holding just last night, the hand that was traveling all across her body just last fucking night.

Marlene can’t exactly explain what’s she’s feeling, but her mouth goes dry and her eyes go wet and she can’t understand what this deep lump in her stomach is or why this fucking dude is holding Mary’s hand. Her eyes find Mary’s in hopes of any explanation. Anything that would make this make sense. Anything that would show Marlene she hasn’t been a fool once again.

Anything that will prove she’s not once again wrong for following her heart.

But Mary isn’t giving her anything. She’s not even giving her the usual just-for-Marlene smile. No, she’s wearing that perfectly polite and practised smile she offers to literally anyone that talks to her. Only there’s a hint of sorrow to be found in the deep brown that only Marlene can pinpoint. 

She gulps, takes a stabilizing breath. And her mom catches up to her before she gets to demand answers. “Mary’s boyfriend is back from Italy,” her mom exclaims, clapping her hands once and firmly as she admires the pair. Marlene could throw up and stain the rug under her feet. “The moment I heard I invited him as well! Maybe he can introduce you to a nice boy to go to the ball with, yeah?”

Marlene can only blink blankly. She blinks once and twice, and Mary finally feels the awkwardness that’s settled and gets up to come closer. Marlene doesn’t let her. The moment Mary’s close enough to reach out, Marlene takes a step back. And thankfully, Mary understands.

She approaches quietly, “Marlene…”

All the exhaustion that should have hit her last night or at any time during this night, finally catches up to her. And she’s afraid that if she stays in this room any longer, they will all see her bawl her eyes out.

“I’m not going out today,” she states firmly, already halfway to the staircase. “I’m going to sleep.” 

Mary is the first to react, “Wait, Marlene…”

And when that doesn’t stop her, her mom steps in. Although she’s not nearly as gentle as Mary is trying to be. “Marlene, this is no way to treat our guests!”

Honestly, Marlene couldn’t care less about the guests.

As soon as she’s back in her room, she shuts the door behind her so strongly the hinges could get stuck closed. She wishes that was the case, because she was fully aware of who has been following after her. Wasn’t so difficult to notice, really, not when she called Marlene’s name a million times as she went up the stairs and down the hallway. 

She stares at the clothes she wore last night – now discarded in a corner of her room – and feels nauseous. 

The moment she turns back around in an attempt not to face the reminders of last night’s events, she’s met with the biggest reminder of them all. Mary herself, getting in and gently pushing the door shut behind her. It doesn’t close all the way. Maybe Marlene did break the hinges, just not in the way she hoped she would.

“Marlene…”

“Go away.”

“Let me explain,” Mary begs, her eyes concerned.

Marlene can't do it. Her eyes burn and her lips are trembling and she can’t even face her. She looks down, crosses her arms in front of her chest in hopes to somehow shield herself from feeling so… exposed. So humiliated. So. Fucking. Betrayed.

“Go ahead,” she says against everything shouting at her to push her out of her room and properly lock the door with her key. Some part of her wants to know why Mary would do that, why would she kiss her and then bring her boyfriend to Marlene’s house the next morning. Why did she never even mention she had a boyfriend?

“I…” Mary falters, but Marlene waits. “Look, Marlene, I’m… I’m not like that.”

Marlene’s eyes snap up. They’re red and wet and burning and Mary flinches when they meet hers. “Like what?”

Mary rubs her elbow. “Y’know…”

“Right.” Marlene nods. Disbelief replacing some of the tears in her eyes. “So what the fuck was last night, hm?”

“I was trying something!” Mary tries to explain. “I was trying something different, I wanted to see if it would… explain some things.”

Marlene blinks. Tears trail down her cheeks all the way to her neck and on to her collarbones. “And did it?”

Mary doesn’t meet her eyes as she says, “It didn’t.”

“I’m glad,” Marlene says, although she’s far from it. “Fuck off.”

“Marlene, don’t be like that, please.”

“Don’t be like that?! I’m not your fucking experiment, Mary!” Mary flinches when Marlene raises her voice. “Did you perhaps take a moment to think how I would feel with this “trying something different” of yours?!”

Mary doesn’t say anything. She keeps her gaze on her shoes. 

Marlene scoffs, rolls her eyes. “Of course you didn’t. You know what? I defended you. I insisted that you aren’t like the others. But you are! Just a fucking princess that gets what she wants and doesn’t stop to think who she could hurt in the process!”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care if you’re sorry, Mary!” Rage boils her blood as she throws her hands in the air hopelessly. She now notices that Mary has kept her head down to conceal her own red eyes. “You crossed a line! A big fucking line! Again!”

Finally, Mary meets her gaze. Marlene was far from prepared to be met with the sight of a crying Mary, but she can’t back off now that she’s finally standing up for herself. She clenches her jaw, wipes the tears off her eyes.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“You should’ve thought about that before kissing me. Get the fuck out of my room.”

Mary doesn’t say anything else. She only lingers for a little while longer, staring back at Marlene in hopes she’d change her mind. But Marlene doesn’t waver.

Only after she’s made sure Mary and that dude are out of the house does she allow herself to properly cry. She doesn’t just cry, she bawls her eyes out. She plants her face on her pillow and cries out all the water that’s in her organism, her body shaking in her weeping until she finally drifts off to much needed rest.

Weirdly, her mom doesn’t bother her about the reaction she had when she saw Mary.

・❥・

When James confirmed he was home and didn’t have any plans to go anywhere, he certainly didn’t expect Marlene to show up with her racket on hand. That much is clear by the look on his face when he answers the door and sees Marlene. A very clearly sad Marlene.

She took a quick glance in the mirror before leaving the house, and was almost scared by what stared back. However, she didn’t let the puffy eyes and the dark circles under them get to her. She only splashed some freezing water on her face before leaving the house and called it a day. James wouldn’t judge anyway.

Just because he wouldn’t judge, though, doesn’t mean he doesn’t ask a million things. Marlene doesn’t blame him, he doesn’t see her this way very often – or, at all. And most importantly, he almost never sees her holding a racket. It’s even rarer than seeing her cry at this point.

He starts with, “Something is seriously wrong here.” And then he lets her into his house. 

Marlene is no stranger to the Potter house, she has been there countless of times. Not only to hang out with James, but also for tennis practice with James’ dad. She is familiar with all the family pictures that hang in the entrance hall, the messy surfaces and the lived-in environment. That’s why she loves James’ house so much.

Her own house is always so perfectly tidied and organised that it feels like any realtor could walk in at any moment and tour it to someone. There’s not an ounce of personality, almost no hints that someone actually lives there. There are some pictures here and there, it would be scary if there weren’t, but nothing other than bland, expensive furniture and empty surfaces.

James’ house is far from that. Although it is larger, it’s way messier. But in a good way, if that makes sense. It’s a house that makes it obvious that the family living there loves it, cares for it. It’s the perfect example, in Marlene’s books, at least, of the perfect family home. Of a home that holds childhood memories in its walls.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Marlene lies. She knows James doesn’t buy it. She didn’t think he would. She is only trying to put explaining off for just a little while longer.

“Right…” James drags the word. “My dad isn’t here.” He points at the racket case hanging on her shoulder. “If you want to practice.”

Marlene shakes her head. “I’m not here to practice. I just feel like playing. You up for it?”

There isn’t a word in the English vocabulary that can accurately describe the disbelief in James’ face. “You feel like playing… Tennis?”

Marlene rolls her eyes. They hurt as she does that. “No, basketball.” She shakes her head. “Obviously tennis, dumbass.”

James nods, as if that’s all the confirmation he needs. It probably is, honestly. “Yep, something’s definitely wrong.”

“No shit.” And this is exactly the reason she wants to play tennis. She’s just so frustrated with everything, with Mary, with the band for knowing this was a bad idea from the beginning, and most importantly, with herself. Because no matter how much everyone warned her, she still did what she wanted to. So, if she doesn’t let her anger out somehow, she’ll end up screaming at whoever the nearest victim is. “I need to blow off some steam.”

“Wouldn’t talking do that as well?”

Marlene raises a brow. “Do you want to get yelled at?”

“Did I do something to upset you?”

“No,” she shakes her head. “But you will be the one that gets the worst of it if I don’t blow off some steam first. Will we play? We can talk later?”

James studies her carefully. It takes everything left in her to not shrink away and call it out. She needs her best friend right now, she cannot back off again and hold everything she’s feeling prison to her tortured mind. 

Then he breaks a smile. “I don’t know, mate, you’re scary enough on the court normally. I don’t want to see you angry-play.” When Marlene doesn’t laugh, or even smile, James drops the smile as well. “Only joking. Give me a minute to change.”

Marlene sits on one side of the huge corner sofa that grabs the attention of whoever walks into the Potters’ living area. It’s got a shit ton of pillows everywhere and maybe one or two throws messily set aside. It’s easy to spot which one James was using before Marlene decided to come here to push him outside to the court, the colourful striped one that’s the least folded, now thrown on a dent on the sofa’s cushion. Someone was obviously just sitting there, and judging by the crappy crime show playing on the TV, that someone was definitely James.

She fidgets with the strap of her racket case, twirls it in her fingers. The last time she played tennis, she was with Mary. Granted, she wasn’t all too happy about playing the game, but still. The last time she played tennis, she was all giggles and laughs with Mary. She remembers Mary feeling so confident about her tennis skills that Marlene almost felt bad for playing to win. So, she hadn’t played to win. She gave Mary a lot more chances to win than she normally would if she played with anyone else just because she loved seeing Mary so happy and confident.

It’s a known fact in the club that Marlene McKinnon is the best tennis player that has graced their courts. Apart from her mom’s reputation in the club, this is also the reason that no matter how much people dislike her, they can’t do anything about it. 

The club has awards sitting on display with its name next to Marlene’s name. Awards that Marlene’s mom insisted go to the club and not Marlene’s own display of awards at home because she wanted people to have a reminder of how great her daughter is. That was after word got around that Marlene is a lesbian, and her mom was trying everything in her power to shut down the rumor. Until Marlene went and confirmed it and there was no coming back. Still, the awards sit on the club’s display as a reminder that a lesbian teen so many of them don’t like is better than them at a sport they so much love and act superior in.

So, it was Marlene’s thing, tennis. She was good at it, she had everything it took to get to places because of it. And then, she finally found the courage to drop it.

Now, back on the Potters’ private court, she goes all out for the first time in what must be over a year. The last time was when she completely kicked Tilly’s ass on the tournament last year.

Her eyes follow the ball as it travels across the court and towards her and she gets in place for a backhand. The ball bounces on her side of the court and comes to meet the string bed of her racket before it flies sharply to James’ side and off to the fence behind it. The fifth point James isn’t able to save.

James drops his hands to his sides. “I know you said you’re not mad at me, but I feel like you’re trying to kill me,” he explains.

Marlene wipes the sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand. “The ball doesn’t even come near you.”

“It might.”

Marlene raises a brow. James definitely didn’t mean it like that, but that still feels like an insult to her game. “It won’t.”

He agrees but still doesn’t seem entirely convinced that this isn’t an assassination attempt. “Do you want me to just pass you the ball from the side instead? That seems a lot safer to me.”

Okay, Marlene does admit she might’ve put a little too much force in every single serve she shot. But still, James is overreacting. It’s not nearly as dangerous as he paints it to be. She walks to the bench on the side of the court and takes a seat. “No. I’ll play normally.”

James takes a good look at her from where he’s standing next to the net, finally walks over to her. “How about we have that talk now, hm? You can yell at me if you want. I’ll take it over a death from a tennis ball. That would be an embarrassing story on my dead name.”

Marlene sighs, looks at her best friend’s state of concern. It’s inevitable, right? Talking about what happened between her and Mary is inevitable, so it’s sooner rather than later. She just doesn’t look forward to all the pity looks, and more importantly, the ‘I told you so’s. “Sure.”

・❥・

A few minutes later, James and her sway slightly back and forth on the porch swing that overlooks the Potter estate. Countless conversations have happened in this very porch swing. Not one, but two coming outs have happened here, and so, so many secrets have been spilled. So, it feels most appropriate for Marlene to admit she’s handled a hopeless crush on a club girl wrong in this swing. Again.

She takes a sip of the coke James brought her, doesn’t look at her best friend. She knows he’s staring all expectantly, but she needs to take her time with this. 

After all, it has been only a couple of hours since she finished her third crying session of the day. She’s not above having a fourth one.

“I had a gig with the band last night,” she begins. Building up to the cherry on top to give her the time to actually be ready to say it without breaking into tears.

“Oh! Right! Oh my god, I forgot. How did it go? Are you mad at me because I couldn’t come? Because I told you, I had to be–” James goes on, earning himself a very pointed glare.

“James.” He shuts his mouth. “I told you I’m not mad at you.” She sighs, shaking her head. “Hell, I’m not even mad. I’m just frustrated. And Angry.”

“I’m pretty sure those mean the same thing.”

“No, they don’t.”

“Okay…” James studies her. She keeps her eyes on the ripples that form in the pool as the night breeze forms. “Marls, what happened at the gig?”

The sun’s setting paints the sky orange, and Marlene draws in a large, grounding breath of air. “Mary and I kissed.”

James’ eyebrows meet his hairline.

“Well,” Marlene adds, “A little more than that, actually.”

James’ jaw meets the floor. “You had sex with Mary Macdonald?!”

Marlene turns sharply. “A lot less than that,” she corrects. “We just made out… a lot. And we got a little handsy.” 

James’ initial state of shock remains. “Holy shit.” 

Marlene nods along. “Yeah.”

“That’s good, though, right?” James then says. Because, yeah, that would be good if it weren’t for some things that happened this morning. This conversation would have a completely different mood if Marlene was only telling her best friend that her crush likes her back, and not that her crush, well, crashed her. “You like her,” he adds. Marlene feels ashamed. “So, why are you like this?”

“She brought her boyfriend to my house this morning.” And she finishes the story with the cherry on top, “And told me she was just trying something new and she’s not like that.”  

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

At least she’s not crying yet.

“Fuck.”

“But you don’t get it, James, she liked it,” Marlene starts to ramble. “She liked kissing me, I can tell. She was so… so excited, so passionate. I can’t believe that wasn’t real.” Her eyes start to burn. So much for not crying again. “I can’t believe I won’t get to feel that again, it was amazing.”

“Marls…” James warns. And Marlene knows she shouldn’t be thinking like this, giving her the benefit of the doubt again, but she can’t help it. 

“No.” She shakes her head. “You weren’t there, you weren’t the one she was kissing, you don’t know.” God, she sounds pathetic. “She wouldn’t kiss me like that if she was just experimenting. She sat on my lap, for fuck’s sake.”

“Okay,” James says. “I believe you, she was into it.”

“She was.”

“Maybe she got scared because she was into it,” he explains. “Maybe she’s scared of what her parents would say because she was into it.” Marlene thinks back to what Mary said about her aunt, about how her mom completely cut her own sister out of her life because she married a woman. Would she do the same if her own daughter liked a woman? “Of what the world would say.”

Her fingers start to bleed from fidgeting. She only notices she’s doing it when the wetness of the blood stops her from continuing to pick at her cuticles. 

“Maybe she got scared because she didn’t know she could be into it.”

Then, to make the mess in her hands all the worse, a tear falls from her eyes and on her hands as she’s examining the damage. 

“Or maybe, she was just experimenting,” James finishes. That takes Marlene’s attention away from her hands and to her best friend. “Which isn’t a bad thing to do. But she hurt you in the process, so you shouldn’t want to excuse her.”

Marlene’s mouth runs dry. She brings the glass to her lips and takes another sip of the sweet soda. “I shouldn’t,” she agrees. “But I refuse to believe she didn’t like it.”

James cracks a smile. “Well, I haven’t kissed you and, no offense, I don’t want to, but I’d guess you’re not a bad kisser.”

Despite herself, Marlene snorts a laugh. “Thanks, man.”

He pulls her in a side hug. Marlene doesn’t hold back. “And if she didn’t like it, her loss. She doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

Marlene breathes in, out. “I’m too scared to tell the band. They didn’t like her, and now they do, and now they won’t again.” Maybe they shouldn’t like her. Maybe they have been right all along. Which brings her to the other thing she doesn’t want to hear from them. “And they’ll all hit me with an I told you so.”

“I also told you so,” James says. 

Marlene gets off his hug just to punch his shoulder. “Fuck you.”

“Sorry, sorry,” he laughs. “Look, Marls, they’re your friends. They might not react the way you want them to, but maybe that’s for the best.” 

Marlene bites the corner of her lips. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Chapter Text

Yet another night where Marlene barely closed her eyes passes. Only this one is a lot less euphoric than the previous one. Where the other one was smiles and daydreams this one is tears and questioning what was so wrong with her that one, made her believe Mary actually wanted her and two, that Mary didn’t want her because of.

Last morning, she made breakfast and coffee because she was just so ecstatic she didn’t know what else to do, and this morning she only leaves her room when she hears footsteps out her door because she knows she won’t wake up her mom if she tries to go to the living room and watch a movie.

Although she doesn’t look forward to seeing her mom today. No doubt, she’ll ask her to go through the collection of dresses she has and choose one for tonight’s debutante ball. And Marlene doesn’t want to even think about the damn event, let alone actually go.

What reason does she even have to go, really. There’s no way it’ll convert her into a debutante like the ones this event happens for, and she won’t be there to see Mary, that’s for sure, so why should she go? Only to see the girl that broke her heart dance with the guy she chose over her, only to be reminded of what she can’t have?

She finds her mom in the kitchen. She hasn’t seen her since last morning before she ran off into her room. She was at work for the rest of the day, and only when Marlene came back from James’  house did she not find an empty house. However, she went straight into her room and off to sleep.

She half-expects her to scold her for her behaviour. Only, for some weird reason, her mom just smiles at her. “Goodmorning, darling. Do you want breakfast?”

Marlene freezes mid-step. There’s waffles on the table, a fruit salad and three kinds of juice. She narrows her eyes. What’s the catch?

“Sure.” She takes a step hesitantly. Is her mom about to announce that she’s getting married or something? Is she about to break some horrible news that are only horrible for Marlene but not her? Oh hell, did she find Marlene a boyfriend? “Hey, mom…” She begins.

Her mom turns to face her. “Yes, honey?”

“Is everything okay?”

For the first time in her life, Marlene witnesses what her mom looks like when she’s hesitant. Maybe the news are worse than she anticipated. “Yes, don’t worry,” her mom confirms. “I just did some thinking yesterday.”

This seems suspicious. “Okay…?” Marlene sees this good mood of hers as an opportunity. “Mom, can I talk to you about tonight’s ball?”

A serve of waffles is placed in front of her. “No, I’ll talk to you about tonight’s ball,” her mom says as she pours her a glass of orange juice. And here it goes, that’s how long the good mood lasted. Now they’ll probably have a heavy fight over dresses and heels and won’t talk to each other for the rest of the day. Her mom takes a seat next to her. “Marlene,” she starts, and Marlene doesn’t like how earnest this start sounds. “You and I might not agree on a lot of things, but I too was once a teenager with a broken heart.”

And… What?

Nothing in the world could prepare Marlene for this. “What does that mean?”

Her mom gives her a knowing look, a knowing look that scares the crap out of her. She gets up and heads to the fridge. When she comes back, she holds a bucket of ice cream.

“It means that if this ice cream happens to give you a stomach ache and you absolutely can’t make it to the ball tonight, I won’t be mad.”

There are so many questions hovering in Marlene’s mind right now. 

Number one, is her mom telling her to lie to her?

And, more importantly, does her mom know about her and Mary?

That simply can’t be. How could she possibly?

Marlene chuckles awkwardly. What even is there to say in situations like these? “Why? Is it poisoned?”

Her mom doesn’t laugh, she only smiles. It’s a sympathetic smile, one that Marlene would never think her mom would offer her. “No, Marlene, it’s not.” She purses her lips in a thin line. “I’m giving you a way out. Take it.”

And just like that, the conversation is over. As if she didn’t scare Marlene out of her mind first thing in the morning, her mom gets up and continues organising some paperwork before placing it into her bag. Marlene can do nothing but sit there and eat her waffles, feeling awfully exposed. 

How is it even possible for her mom to know? Her friends might have noticed, sure, but she certainly wasn’t so obvious that her mom, who sees her, like, once or twice a day and briefly, picked up on it as well. 

It’s only when her mom announces she’s going to work that Marlene finds the courage to ask. “Mom?”

Her mom stops under the doorway. “Yes?”

“How did you know?”

Her mom chuckles. Marlene finds nothing worth chuckling right now, this is probably one of her worst nightmares. “I had my suspicions. Then I accidentally overheard you yesterday morning.”

Marlene’s breath gets stuck somewhere between her lungs and her mouth, she’s not exactly sure where. The point is that her mom knows, she knows that Mary kissed Marlene only to then inform her that she does not like women like that. She knows that Marlene and the girl she set her up with to “put into the right track” had something going on. And she… doesn’t seem to have a problem with it?

Why would she, really. It’s obviously not something that will actually happen, so her mom is safe from her daughter getting a girlfriend. Maybe that’s why she’s so calm about this, why she doesn’t mind Marlene skipping the ball she’s been trying to convince her to participate in all summer. Because the girl Marlene likes – and got rejected by – will be the center of attention.

“Right…” is all Marlene can say. 

A beat passes before her mom finally leaves. 

Isn’t this just great?

・❥・

The reactions vary when Marlene tells the band what happened between her and Mary.

She initially thought she’d drag it out and avoid telling them for the most part, but when Lily greeted her with, “Hey, lovebird,” she didn’t have much choice. So she just dropped it on them plainly, without the fear of bursting into tears again; she’s got no tears left to do that. 

Remus is silent, giving Marlene a look that she expected. The equivalent of “I told you so.” Dorcas, on the other hand, is enraged. She’s seen Marlene get hurt by experimental straight girls more than she’s seen her actually have a nice relationship. Not to mention, she was the first to hate on Mary the first time something happened, and although there’s no way she’ll admit it now, she quite liked Mary when she actually met her. And Lily, by far, is the most shocked.

“What?!” She exclaims, mouth agape and eyes wide. “But she was all over you!”

Yeah, Marlene thinks to herself, that’s the worst part.

“I’ll kick her ass if you want me to, Marls,” Dorcas chips in, but Lily puts a finger on her mouth.

“Marlene, I’m sorry, but that simply can’t be,” Lily adds. “I saw you guys. She was into it. Like, really into it. Experimenting, my ass.”

Dorcas pushes Lily’s hand away from her face but not before placing a kiss to her finger. Marlene is used to her friends’ openness to public displays of affection, it’s just that right now, it stings a little more than usual. Right now, she’s not thinking, ‘Damn, I’m so single’, she’s thinking, ‘this could have been us’, “Babe, let’s not go down that path…” she warns calmly. “She hurt Marlene. We’re not going to defend her.”

Lily lowers herself back on the sofa. “You’re right,” she agrees. However, Marlene can see it in her eyes she has more to say. 

“The audacity of this girl is astonishing,” Dorcas then adds. “The next day?! She snogged you and then brought her boyfriend to your house the next day?!”

Marlene nods bitterly. “Yep.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t let that pass,” she says confidently. “Please tell me you at least cursed her off.”

“I did,” Marlene confirms. She watches a wave of pride wash over Dorcas. She's almost sad she has to break it with, “But I was crying at the same time, so I don’t think I looked too confident.”

Dorcas waves it off. “If you want me to have a go at her, I’ll gladly do it. Just give me her phone number.”

Marlene chuckles. It’s lighthearted and soft and it doesn’t hold anything to it. “That won’t be necessary, Cas.” 

Lily then decides to join in on her girlfriend’s aggressiveness. “If I see her again, trust, I will share a piece of my mind.”

“Feel free to,” Marlene shrugs, knowing fully well that there’s no way Lily will run into Mary. They’re from two completely opposite sides of town, their circles only met when Mary met Marlene, so since that’s not a thing anymore, she doubts they’ll ever see each other again. Especially since after this summer ends, everyone will be off to college.

Marlene can’t help but notice that Remus has been silently staring this entire time. “Go on, you can say it. You told me so,” she tells him.

He shakes his head. “I won’t say it.”

“I’m giving you the go-ahead.”

“I won’t say it, Marls.”

“Really?” She lifts a brow. “I thought you’d thrive in this moment.”

“Thrive? Marlene, this isn’t a who was right thing. I just didn’t want you to get hurt.” Marlene’s mouth forms a tight line. “I’m not going to thrive because you did.”

Enough is enough. Marlene is tired of this look everyone gives her, even her mom. She cracks a lopsided smile. “Calm down, guys, it’s not like I was in love with her or something.”

They all share a look that Marlene doesn’t like. Obviously, she knows she’s full of shit. They don’t have to know as well. “Aren’t you?” Lily is the only one that dares to ask.

Marlene scoffs, rolls her eyes. “Obviously not. It was just a stupid crush that didn’t work out. It’s not the end of the world, I’ll be fine.” Another exchange of knowing looks. Marlene ignores them. Maybe if she doesn’t seem upset by it, they’ll follow suit. She smiles. “Now, who’s up for a game of Taboo?” 

Really, all she wants right now is to spend a fun night with her friends. Play board games and watch movies and keep her mind as far away from the other side of town as possible. Because as Marlene and Remus win ten cards in a row, on the other side of town, a ball takes place. A ball in which Mary will step out in a gorgeous white dress and her boyfriend holding her hand.

A ball that Marlene does not want to be thinking about. 

So, the night rolls. They only briefly mention anything remotely close to Marlene’s once again failed attempt at having a love life, and that’s shut down quickly with light-hearted jokes and faux confidence from Marlene’s part.

They order pizza, and they eat a completely unnecessary amount of sweets and then it starts pouring. Although the weather forecast said something about rain, the day seemed to be so bright so Marlene doubted it would actually start raining. Remus was lucky enough to have left before that, Dorcas seized the opportunity to have a sleepover with Lily, and although Lily proposed that Marlene stay as well, Marlene chose to leave the lovebirds alone. 

And there she goes, out in the rain, walking up the hill to the bus station in hopes she’ll get the last bus of the night. Because she really doesn’t want to be stuck with Lily and Dorcas all night. Don’t get her wrong, she loves her friends and she’d do anything for them. It’s just not a good time to witness other people’s happy relationships.

She pulls her jacket tighter on her body, drops her head down to stop the water from getting in her eyes, and then, promptly, she’s stopped by a familiar voice yelling her name from down the hill.

“Marlene! Wait!”

Chapter Text

If the hardwood floor under Mary’s steps was any weaker, she’s sure her pacing would have bent it by now.

The white rug has already started forming a path where she crosses it, but she doesn’t stop. She can’t. There’s no way she can pinpoint exactly when this mess of a situation started, but walking up and down her bedroom seems to soothe her nerves, so it’s not something she can just stop.

She’s hidden her car keys in the drawer, under old notebooks and forgotten trinkets in hopes that she’ll get her mind off getting into her car and driving off to Marlene’s house. Judging by how she hasn’t stopped pacing since, it’s obviously not working. And it doesn’t help that the empty dress bag of her debutante dress is staring at her from where it hung on her closet’s door. It’s only a reminder.

It might be empty – the dress had to get some extra details – but it’s still a reminder. A reminder that in a few hours she’ll be at the club, laughing along with girls she’s realised she doesn’t like that much and getting ready to, what, come out to society as a lady? As if she’s not already one.

She pauses momentarily, stares into her mirror. Marlene’s hoodie is only half zipped up and it doesn’t match her linen trousers in absolutely no way, but she refuses to take it off. She pulls her bottom lip into her mouth, tastes the sweetness of her strawberry chapstick, and is definitely not thinking of how good it tasted to kiss Marlene.

She hasn't thought about that since last night. And the night before that. And in that nap she tried to take – unsuccessfully so. She’s back in that moment every single time she closes her eyes and dares to have a go at resting. Which has seemed to be impossible.

Back to pacing she goes. Any moment now, her mom will come back from the club and Mary will have to act all excited for the ball. Only she is not. She never thought she’d feel this way, but she does not want to participate in the ball she’s been looking forward to ever since she was little. The ball her parents presented as what must be the most important moment of her teenage years. 

But how can she see the event that way when seeing Marlene on stage opened her eyes, convinced her that what she’s feeling isn’t just a misunderstanding. Because that moment right there, when her eyes met Marlene’s despite the blinding stage lights, that was the most important moment she can recollect. She doubts that dancing with Josh in a white dress will even come close to that.

She pulls her hands out of the pockets of Marlene’s hoodie, stares at the band-aids she’s used to cover her nails. She hadn’t realised she'd been picking at her nails until her mom freaked out about her broken nail and booked her an emergency appointment to get it fixed. The first thing she did when she came back home was search for the band-aid box and hope for the best.

It hasn’t been that long since she last resorted to picking at her cuticles amidst her stress; that always happens the days before an event or even an exam that she knows she can’t fail. She also very clearly remembers doing it the past month when anything about the debutante ball came up.

She didn’t realise when she stopped doing it or when she started again. And she doesn’t know if it’s because of the ball or because of Marlene.

“Hello, darling.” Her mom finds her standing in the middle of the room, staring at her band-aid covered hands. She shoves them back into the pockets as quickly as she can. Her mom still frowns. The wrinkle that used to appear between her eyebrows is not there anymore. Not because her expression is any less judgemental than usual, but because the botox she got last week seemed to have worked really well. “What is this jacket that you’re wearing? Where did you find it?”

Mary shifts her weight to one leg awkwardly. “It’s Marlene’s. I borrowed it.”

Her mom inspects her, shakes her head. “I don’t understand how Olivia lets her go out dressed like this.” She gives Mary a warning look. “Don’t wear it outside. Return it tomorrow.”

Mary drops her head, nods. “Okay,” she agrees, knowing fully well that she’s not going to return the hoodie until it stops smelling like Marlene. She’ll just have to hide it better. Her eyes find the large black dress bag – a new one – hanging over her mom’s arm and an uncomfortable feeling starts pooling at the bottom of her stomach. “Is that my dress?”

Her mom’s face brightens up impossibly so. “Yes!” She passes it to Mary. She hides the band-air covered hand under the large bag. “It’s absolutely gorgeous. You’ll love the new details.”

She won’t. “I’m sure I will.”

“Big day today,” her mom says excitedly. She squeezes Mary’s arm. “Lunch is served in ten minutes. We can discuss some details about tonight.”

And that’s what they do. Or, at least, that’s what her mom does. She discusses details but only with Mary’s dad. Mary, on the other hand, is not mentally present in the conversation. She stabs at the green peas with her fork, and she scoops the mashed potatoes and she downs her water and, really, her mind isn’t even close to the ball.

Until she finally has enough. 

Her fork falls on the plate with a loud clunk for which she has to apologise before she finally announces, “I’m going out.”

She doesn’t stick around to listen to her mom’s demands to sit back down or her dad’s confused questions, she’s already up the stairs and heading to her room. It’s not that hard to find her hidden keys; she didn’t hide them that well in the first place. She knew she’d need them anyway.

The main door to her house shuts behind her and only moments later her car roars to power. She’s very well aware that she’s hopeless when it comes to Marlene. There’s really no reason to deny it. So, since she clearly cannot handle this situation on her own, she has an idea that could perhaps put an end to the misery.

She doesn’t drive for long, it is only a half an hour’s ride. But when she parks her car by the sidewalk, it’s a totally different area of town. Unlike her neighbourhood where her neighbours are a good walk away and all the space between the houses are an endless expansion of carefully maintained lawns and parking spaces for an unreasonable amount of cars, this neighbourhood is the classic picket-fence rounding messy greenery. There’s a park down the street but most of the kids play on the road anyway. There’s a lemonade stand a few houses down. Some grandmas are walking with grocery trolleys. 

Mary takes a deep breath. Not only preparing herself for who she’s about to face and what she wants to audibly admit for the first time, but because she misses being a kid in these same streets.

She straightens her trousers, balances her sunglasses atop her head. And after yet another deep and stabling breath, she rings the doorbell.

It is more than expected that she’s greeted with a pinch of concern alongside the excitement. Nonetheless, the smile on her aunt’s face when she answers the door is brighter than the reflection of the glassy wind chimes hung on the window.

“Hey, aunt Mary.”

・❥・

Her aunt rushes around the kitchen and Mary finds herself sitting on those stools she was once too short to climb. “Let me just take the food out of the oven and we can chat all you want,” her aunt says. “Are you staying for lunch?”

Mary shakes her head, leaning on her elbows over the marble counter. It’s cold and it levels her. “The debutante ball is today,” Mary informs. “I can’t stay long. I just…” She takes a deep breath. “I really need some advice.”

Aunt Mary lifts a questioning brow. “From me?”

Mary chuckles awkwardly. “Well, obviously, since I’m here.”

“I just don’t think you’ve ever come to me for advice,” Aunt Mary points out, grabbing two glasses of iced tea and making her way to the living room. Mary follows suit. 

Aunt Mary’s living room has always been messy but in a way that makes everyone feel at home. Mary has always felt more at home sitting on the large sofa covered in pillows than she did at her own house’s living room with stale decor and ancient antiques. She tucks her dress underneath her as she sits on the fluffy cushions. “I didn’t know who else to turn to about this,” she admits.

“That’s okay, sugar, you can always come to me for advice,” her aunt smiles. “So, what can I help you with?”

Mary looks around at the significantly silent and empty house. “Beth and the kids aren’t here?”

Aunt Mary shakes her head. “No. You don’t have to worry about anyone eavesdropping.”

“How are they?”

“They’re good.” Her aunt smiles kindly. “Are you stalling?”

“No! I actually want to know!” Her aunt shoots her a look and Mary can’t help but giggle. “A little, yeah. But I do want to come over and catch up some time. For real.”

“You can come over whenever you want.” Mary nods, grateful that her aunt will always be there if she needs her. Even if she just wants to grab a coffee. She’s silent for far too long. “Mary, you’re starting to worry me,” her aunt’s face goes from joking to serious in just a second. It forces Mary to straighten up as well. “Are you in trouble?”

“No, no,” Mary is quick to shut that down. “Of course not.” She takes a deep, deep breath. Perhaps the millionth in the past ten minutes. And finally, “I’ve met someone.”

It’s obviously not what her aunt was expecting to hear, that much is clear judging by how her eyebrows attempt to meet her hairline. “Oh,” is all she says. “Is that it? I was getting ready to get my shovel and help you bury a body.” 

Mary breaks into chuckles, although it’s restrained. Her aunt’s jokes might have the power to always lighten the mood, but knowing what she has to follow up with, Mary just can’t fully relax. “No, no, it’s nothing of the sort. I’ve just met someone.”

“Sugar, sorry if I’m not supposed to ask this, but shouldn’t you go to your mom about this? I didn’t expect you’d come to me with this type of things,”

Mary shrugs. “I don’t go to anyone with this type of things.” She laughs bitterly. “Hell, I don’t have this type of things. I have a boyfriend who my mom found for me because she didn’t want me to be single, and we’ve kissed a total of five times. None of which I liked.”

Her aunt sighs, tilting her head. Does she know where this is going? Maybe she’ll spare Mary from actually telling her. “And now you’ve met someone you actually like?”

She looks at her shoes. “Yes.”

“Okay, so, can’t you tell your mom that you want to be with your guy and not the one she set you up with?” She didn’t get it. Mary slumps her shoulders.

She shakes her head. “No.”

“Why, is there something wrong with him?”

“Not exactly.”

“Is he anything below upper-class? I see how that would be a problem for your mom.”

Mary draws in a large breath. “No, actually. My mom and… her mom are friends.”

She sees the realisation spread across her aunt’s face. Then it turns into pity. Her aunt is the only person that knows just how brutal it is to be queer in this family. Hell, Mary’s mom literally named her after her sister because that’s how much she loved her. Yet that still didn’t stop her from cutting all contact with her when she came out and married a woman. No doubt, it won’t be any different with Mary. After all, the love she harboured for her sister was far more genuine than it is for Mary. Mary is only worthy of her love when she dresses the right way and acts a certain way and does activities that only do good for her family’s image.

Because Marlene might be brave enough to break away from her mom’s image, but Mary is not. Mary knows that dare she even try to, she’ll lose everything. 

A beat passes.

“Oh, Mary,” her aunt coos. She scoots closer and wraps Mary in a hug that she hadn’t realised she needed. That’s all it takes for her tears to cascade down her cheek and soak her aunt’s t-shirt. She doesn’t seem to mind.

“I like her so much, aunt Mary,” she finally admits. Out loud. For the first time. Her sobs might break her voice a little bit but that doesn’t undo the fact that she was brave enough to at least admit it out loud. “I don’t know what to do.”

Aunt Mary pulls back, wipes Mary’s tears from under her eyes. “I think,” she begins carefully, “that you should follow your heart, sugar.”

Mary shakes her head. “They’ll kick me out.”

“No, they won’t,” her aunt tries to reassure. They both know that’s probably a lie. “They love you.”

“Mom loved you! That didn’t stop her from anything!”

“You’re her daughter. It’s different.” That, it is. If anything, Mary would say her situation is even worse. It’s more than clear that she doesn’t believe it by how another sobs breaks the silence. Her aunt still holds her close. “I’m proud of you, sugar. It took me far longer to admit it.” Mary still can’t say anything. She’s too afraid to, really. Dare she speak right now, she knows it’ll come out sobby. Her aunt still tries, though. “Do you know if your girl feels the same?”

That’s really all it takes. “Yes. She does. But I hurt her.”

“It’s not too late to fix that,” her aunt says, making Mary scoff. It is too late. Marlene has already formed the worst opinion for her, and will probably hate her for the rest of her life. What a great first romantic experience this is for Mary. Her aunt nudges her with her shoulder. “Don’t scoff, Mary, I truly believe that. Unless she’s left the country or died–” Mary knocks her knuckles on the wooden coffee table, sending her aunt a death-glare “–then it is not too late to fix it.”

Mary sighs, falls back on the sofa. She pulls her knees to her chest, leaving her kitten heels on the carpet. “I’m just so… fucking scared.”

The surprise is evident. “Since when do you curse?” her aunt questions here. Rightfully so, really. Mary has been all too careful of what she says all her life. 

“Mom didn’t let me,” she explains. “She also doesn’t let me kiss girls but I’ve done that now, so.”

Despite herself, she chuckles. Aunt Mary chuckles as well but not before taking a moment to really observe Mary. During this short moment, Mary wishes so badly that her aunt will chuckle as well and she is so thankful that she does. Anything to get this heaviness in the air back in control.

She gulps, sighs. Finally letting the situation sink in. She’s in love with a girl, and for the first time in her life, she’s admitted it. She hadn’t let herself even think about it before; was too afraid to. The mere possibility of losing Marlene, though… that was more than enough to push her into eventual acceptance.

The next step is far scarier. It’s all fun and games until her parents come into the picture. So, what if she has the guts to talk to her aunt about it, she’s the easiest person to talk to about this. She hasn’t dared challenge herself any further. Actually, even the idea of telling anyone other than her aunt makes her stomach sink. Was this how it felt like for her aunt? When she had to tell what is probably the most homophobic family that she was in love with a woman?

And on to the more serious question; Will Mary meet the same fate?

She feels sick just at the thought. And her aunt apparently notices.

“Everything will be okay, sugar,” she tries to reassure. Mary finds it hard to believe it. Her eyes burn. Her airway feels shut. “I know it’s scary, but everything will turn out better than you think.”

She shakes as she draws in a deep breath. “Can I go to the bathroom?”

The pity her aunt harbours for her at the moment is honestly more painful than it is comforting. She can tell that her aunt knows it won’t be okay yet still tries to convince her otherwise. Aunt Mary nods slowly, and Mary is walking down these hallways that feel more like home than her house does. The hallways with the colourful rugs and the picture frames of school plays and birthday parties. 

Mary has always felt some sort of envy towards her cousins. They get to live a life that is so happy and so accepting. It’s most likely what helped her see through her parents’ homophobic mentality in the first place. Because if aunt Mary’s family isn’t “normal” yet theirs is, then why were her cousins always more happy than her, always more comfortable in their own skin than her, always free to be themselves without the fear of any judgement. They never had to meet any impossibly high standards or maintain an image that was never what she wanted to be. They never had to live by strict rules just to be loved by their parents.

She thinks back to what Marlene had said when they first started hanging out, how her image doesn’t fit her mom’s idea of her. Yet she’s always been brave enough to be who she is despite everyone else’s disagreement. Why can’t Mary be the same? Her knuckles whiten as she grasps at the sink and stares back at her reflection on the mirror. Why can’t she be the same? She’s had years and years of behaving the exact way her parents tell her to, she hangs out with the “right” people, she has a damn boyfriend, for God’s sake. A boyfriend that was introduced to her as her boyfriend because, according to her mom, “his family is rich, technically royalty, and this connection will be good for our family.”

Mary is tired of carrying the family’s reputation on her shoulders.

She straightens up, turns the faucet on and splashes her face with some cold water. She exhales. She has got to be braver. For herself and for Marlene. 

The only time she feels something real for someone and she screws it up so royally it’s almost impossible to fix. But like her aunt said, she still has a chance. Or, at least, she hopes. Marlene will be at the ball, right? Mary will talk to her then.

She rushes to leave. Suddenly, she has to look her best. Not because she’s her mother’s daughter and not because it’s her debutante ball. Because Marlene will be there. Before she goes, though, her aunt stops her. Softly and calmly. 

“Mary, I’m sure everything will be okay, but if you ever need a place to stay you have a room here.” Swallowing is suddenly difficult. Because that might actually be her reality dares she be braver than she’s allowed to be.

“Yeah,” she says absent-mindedly. “Thank you”

Aunt Mary smiles proudly. “Go get her, sugar.”

She runs to her car because out of the blue, it started raining. The kids that were previously playing on the street are now eating pizza on someone's front porch. She drives back and doesn’t take a moment to think it through until she’s all packed up to go to the club and start getting ready with the other girls.

・❥・

The air is buzzing around her. The girls are all excited and Mary can’t stop thinking that she’s supposed to be as well. Which, in a completely different way, she is. She’s mostly nervous because Marlene must be here any moment now. She’s taken a peak from behind the long velvet curtains more than once and still, Marlene is not there.

Thankfully, she’s the one that planned the whole ball so she knows where to look when looking for Marlene. Still, she gets punched with disappointment every time she looks that way.

She sits back in front of the vanity, pushes some more bobby pins into her hair. Some girls behind her are gathered around one of her friends, talking.

“I mean…” one of them says, voice high and somewhat raspy. “I’m pretty sure I’ll marry Jason.” The rest of the girls start giggling. Mary frowns. “We’ve been together for, like, three years and our parents are already looking for new property together. We’re basically engaged.”

“Girl, I am so happy for you,” one of them replies. “I, on the other hand, could barely find a date for this.” Some girls join in to say “same.” Mary remains quiet. But she does notice her friends looking at her through the reflection of the mirror. She quickly returns her gaze to her hair.

“Oh my God, Mary!” If she could do it without creating some trouble, she’d so facepalm so hard right now. “We’ve totally skipped over you and your handsome boyfriend!” 

Kill her now.

She pretends she didn’t hear them. “Hm?”

“You and Josh are totally the it couple of this year’s deb ball!” She takes in a large breath, prepares herself to deal with this. “You’re beautiful, he’s handsome… Oh em gee your kids will be gorgeous.”

Yeah, no. She will not do this.

“Excuse me,” she says before she’s down the hallway and towards the stage. She pushes the curtain just barely to the side. Everyone is so busy amongst themselves that no one notices her fully glammed face peaking out. Everyone except one. Almost like she senses it, Marlene’s mom turns sharply and meets her eyes. Mary wasn’t expecting it, she was just hoping to see Marlene. Yet Marlene is nowhere to be found and her mom’s expression changes… oddly. In a way Mary does not like. She tries to silently ask her if Marlene is here although she knows the answer to that. She moves her eyes to the side frantically, hoping that Marlene’s mom understands. 

Which, apparently, she does. Because she frowns and shakes her head no. Mary’s stomach sinks and she lets the curtain fall back on its place. She takes slow steps back to the room, for all she knows, it could have taken her a minute or an hour. But, judging by how the rest of the debs are still on the same topic, it must have been only a few minutes. And, frankly, Mary feels sick.This was her one chance to break out of the picture her parents made for her. She needs to do it now because if she sleeps on it she’ll definitely chicken out and she does not want to have gorgeous children with fucking Josh. Every time he leans in to kiss her she feels the strongest urge to back up and stop him. She doesn’t know how many “I’m not ready for sex yet,” she has because that must happen if they’re going to have gorgeous children. She freezes. They’re going to have to do it sooner or later.

She almost barfs at the thought.

The guys are all sitting in another room, already suited up. Mary walks in confidently and asks for Josh. Who, after exchanging a glance with his friends, gets up and follows her out in the hallway. 

She doesn’t waste any time. “We need to break up,” she states.

“What?” He lifts an eyebrow. “What happened?”

“Josh, I’m breaking up with you,” she repeats. “You know this wasn’t working. So I’m ending it.”

He spares her a look. “Okay… Sure. I don’t think our parents will let us.”

“They’ll deal with it. We’re broken up, now, yeah?”

He shrugs. “Yeah, I suppose we are.”

She smiles. A large and vibrant smile. Because no matter what happens with Marlene, she won’t end up with him. “Okay, bye!”

“Uh… okay–?”

She doesn’t understand when it happens, but next thing she knows, she’s pushing the back doors of the club and going out in the rain. She doesn’t have an umbrella or anything to cover herself but that won’t stop her. She doesn’t care that she spent an hour fixing her hair or more than an hour applying her makeup. Hell, she doesn’t even care that the dress her parents paid a fortune for is completely drenched and sticking to her skin as she runs. All she cares about is that she doesn’t end up marrying Josh and having his dumb children. All she cares about is that Marlene forgives her.

The strap of her dress, useless now that the dress is pretty much just stuck on her, falls down her shoulder. And although that usually annoys her a lot, now she doesn’t even pay it any mind. She doesn’t even stop to take a breath when she gets into her car. She immediately starts the engine, and she’s off on the street, driving to Marlene’s house.

Honestly, she can’t blame her for not going to the ball. The only reason she was going to go in the first place was because Mary wanted her to be there. And after Mary hurt her this much she had no reason to be there. And after all, what was Mary thinking would happen? She’d walk out on the stage, dance with Josh, and Marlene would think she’s so beautiful that she must forgive her? Stupid. Did she really think that Marlene would watch her dance with Josh and then be completely open to Mary literally begging for her forgiveness? Or would Mary actually talk to her before the ball began and… then what? She’d watch Mary dance with Josh?

She sighs. Loudly. So loudly that it sounds over the rain falling on the windshield.

So maybe this is for the best. They can talk in the privacy of Marlene’s house and she won’t have to carry on with the ball having the weight of rejection on her back. 

Until… She pulls up on Marlene’s driveway and the house is completely dark. She goes back in the rain, circles the entire house hoping to find a lit light, but she doesn’t. Is she sleeping? There’s no way she’s sleeping already. She rings the doorbell, crossing her fingers that she answers. She rings again and again and again. No answer, she starts to feel hopeless.

Where else could Marlene possibly be? Right as she’s panicking and running her fingers through her now wet-previously styled hair, she remembers something Marlene briefly mentioned. And she just knows she’s rehearsing with the band.

Small detail: She doesn’t know where the band usually rehearses. And there’s only one way to find out. 

She goes back to the car and reaches for the purse, praying to everything that she still has his number saved on her contacts. And to her relief, the number is there. She doesn’t think it’s ever been used until now, but she doesn’t hesitate to call it.

“Mary?” Sirius’ voice barely sounds over the banter around him. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah,” she stutters. “I’m okay. Sirius, can you tell me where Marlene and the band usually practice? I need to find her asap.”

“Wait, you’re not at the club?” He sounds shocked but at the same time impressed. She didn’t think what everyone else will think when Mary doesn’t come out after her name is called. But she doesn’t care if that means she has a chance she’ll get Marlene back.

“No, I ran away. I need to find her, do you know where they practice?” She speaks urgently as if that will make Sirius answer any faster. It doesn’t seem to work that way.

“Lily’s house. Drew Port fifty-six,” he tells her. Mary sets the address in her maps app and starts the car before she even hangs up. “I’m pretty sure she’s there.”

“Thank you so much,” she says as she leaves Marlene’s street. 

“No problem. Go get her.”

“That’s the plan…” she hangs up.

It doesn’t take her long to get to the address she’s been given, and she parks right outside, not stopping for even a minute to think this through. She doesn’t need to, she only needs to see Marlene and she knows she’ll just know what to say. Or, she hopes she will. 

Lily’s house has wheel flower pots on the porch and a hill of blankets and pillows on a swing. The door is sage green with gold details and Mary feels scared as she rings the doorbell. It dawns on her that it won’t be Marlene who answers the door, it’ll be Lily, her best friend who probably knows by now what Mary did and chances are she won’t see it lightly. 

And right she is.

When Lily answers the door only to find a drenched Mary standing there, she doesn’t seem too happy. She crosses her arms in front of her chest and switches her weight into one leg. Mary feels more intimidated than she did when she was trying on dresses for the ball with her mom and she wanted to tell her she didn’t like the one she was wearing. 

“What are you doing here?” That really felt like an attack. A deserved one, probably. “She doesn’t want to see you.”

That’s probably right, but Mary has got to try. “I know. But, I need to talk to her. Please let me in.”

Lily raises an eyebrow. It’s so strange to see her this way, she was so cheerful when she met her and so excited that seeing her angry and upset feels so strange. And not to mention, she was the one that walked in… well, walked out on them. Mary doesn’t even want to know what the conversation went like when Marlene told them the whole deal.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because I… because I love her. And I need her to know that.” Something changes in Lily’s expression when Mary says that. 

She’s hopeful for just a brief minute before, “And who’s to say you won’t hurt her again?”

“I know what I want now,” Mary tries to explain. “I was scared and I’ve never felt this way for anyone before, let alone a girl, and I chickened out. But I know what I want now, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” She draws in a large breath. Admitting it now feels less scary. “Please let me talk to her. If she tells me to go away and never talk to her again, I will. But I need to try.”

Lily gives her a long once-over. Mary stands still as if that will help her chances. And perhaps it does. Perhaps Lily sees her desperation in her posture or feels the genuineness of her words. No matter what it is that convinces her, Lily sighs. “If you hurt her again I won’t hesitate to gut you,” she says in the most serious tone. Mary instinctually takes a step back. “She left a few minutes ago. If you run you might find her at the bus station.”

“Okay. Thank you so much.” She stops before she’s in her car. She turns back to Lily. “Where is the bus station?”

“Take a left here and then all the way up the hill.”

Mary takes a look at her car, facing the opposite way it’s supposed to go. Then she takes a look at the really narrow street she’s in. It doesn’t take her long to decide it will take her longer to turn the car around than it will take her to run. Hell, she’s athletic. She’s the winner of this year’s tournament at the club. Probably thanks to Marlene because judging by how good she is, she’d never win if she was in the game. 

So, she finds herself sprinting down the wet street barefoot, heels in hand, pressed against the skirt of her dress. Suddenly, she regrets not choosing the wider and shorter dress that would give her more leg room to run. Now, she’s stuck with a slim-on-the-hips and long as hell dress that makes it physically impossible to run as fast she wants to run. Plus, it’s slippery and taking off her shoes wasn’t the cleverest idea, but then, running in heels in the rain and uphill would have ended in disaster.

It’s all worth it, though. Because running might be both physically and mentally exhausting, but after a few minutes she sees a figure that could only be Marlene. Jean shorts and a red hood over her head, staring down at her shoes while walking. It can only be one person. Mary’s person. So, she yells; calls her name out. Marlene immediately stops in her tracks, and that’s the confirmation she needs.

Her shoulders drop, she slows down a bit now that she knows she got there in time. But she still runs because Marlene will probably not wait for her. And then Marlene turns around, and Mary feels all words and thoughts leave her body. Her blue hair falls in front of her face, and although she’s very far away, she can see her eyes glimmering in the light. She feels lightheaded just at the sight. 

Lord help her, she’ll need all the strength in the world to keep her mind straight – irony – and say what she needs to say. And then she can freely trip over her feet trying to understand how a person can be this breathtaking.

“Mary?” It’s not “princess” anymore. Mary feels a little bitter.

She finally catches up to her. “Marlene. Hi.”

Marlene does not smile. Not even a little bit. Not even a small, subtle smirk. Nothing. “What are you doing here?”

She pauses to drag in a breath, bending over her knees. She doubts anything audible will come out at the moment. She’s so out of breath that she starts laughing.  Because she ran away from the ball, because she’s barefoot on the pavement and because Marlene is actually looking at her. “I came to find you!” She exclaims. “You weren’t at the ball, and I wanted to talk to you so I’ve been looking for you!” She sighs, finally straightens up. The dress feels more than uncomfortable by now, and she doubts Marlene feels any better. “I went to your house,” she starts to explain, “but you weren’t there. And then I called… I called Sirius fucking Black to tell me where you practice with the band… and then Lily wouldn’t let me talk to you and… Yeah. Now, I’m here.”

Marlene doesn’t budge. Her arms remain crossed in front of her chest. “Congrats? What are you doing here?”

Mary breaths in, breaths out. “I came here to tell you I broke up with Josh.”

Yet again, Marlene doesn’t seem to budge. “Good riddance. Is that all? My bus is here.” The bus pulls up next to them just as she says that. 

“Wait, no, don’t go, I'll give you a ride,” she says quickly, tripping over her words. “I need to talk to you, please. And if you still hate me afterwards you can just ignore me completely on the way home.” She crosses her fingers that Marlene agrees to this. But she won’t let it get to her if she doesn’t. She can just stop by her house, right? That is totally an option. 

The door to the bus opens, but Marlene isn’t boarding it. Mary feels her smile return. Maybe this won’t go as bad as she thinks. Marlene motions at the bus driver to keep going without taking her eyes from Mary.

He seems confused. “It’s the last one for the night, kid,” he informs. Still Marlene doesn’t board it. He shakes his head. “Kids these days are crazy, man,” he says as he shuts the door and drives off.

Okay. This is the chance Mary wanted. She has it. She’s grasping onto it. She cannot mess this up again. Marlene speaks first, though, “Go on.”

“Right. Okay…” She breathes in, tries to find where to start. “I was sitting with the girls at the ball, right, and they were talking about marrying their boyfriends and having kids with them. And I was sitting there, thinking that this is not the life I want,” she explains. “They turned to me and told me that Josh and I will have gorgeous kids and then I pictured that life in my head and… I didn’t like it. At all. Actually I’d take anything over it.”

“Mary, we’re standing in the rain. Can you speed it up a little?” Marlene says, tone flat. It makes her feel a little insecure, but she goes on.

“Right. I’m just trying to say that… Being with you seemed so scary because it would change my whole life but I realised that I don’t even like my life as it is now. And I won’t like it unless I’m with you!”

Marlene remains quiet. Mary gulps. Surely, by now she’d have at least changed her expression. But no, she stays the same. Stares into Mary’s eyes the same way she did when she saw her running up the hill and when she decided to not get in the bus.

“Marlene, I’m trying to tell you that I’m in love with you! Head over heels. Literally crazy about you. Remember when we were talking about you not fitting into your mom’s image? It made me think about my own image, a lot. Because I’ve been trying to fit in my whole life and I realised I don’t have my own image. Just an extension of my parents’ image. My parents have their expectations of me but I never pictured myself and my future and my… image.” She sighs. “Marlene, you’re a part of my image. You’re all I see when I think about the future, and I don’t want to imagine it without you. I’m so sorry for… literally everything. I did not handle this the best way. Or even in a good way. And I’m so sorry for that, please let me prove to you that I can be with you! Because I want to! I really, really want to!”

She blinks. Rain tears drip over her nose. A few cars drive past. Marlene doesn’t say anything. She only looks at her fiercely. She feels like these eyes could pierce through her if Marlene so much as wanted to. Mary shifts her weight to her other leg, standing uncomfortably. It doesn’t sit well with her how many times she’s had to apologise to Marlene in the short amount they've known each other. In all honesty, if she were in Marlene’s shoes, she wouldn’t give herself another chance. And in this moment, she realises why Marlene isn’t saying anything.

She most likely doesn’t know how to let her down. Mary came here, like an idiot, going on and on about how she needs her in her life and how she loves her and how she sees a future with her. Hell, even if Marlene had decided to forgive her, Mary probably scared her off. They’ve kissed once for everything’s sake. Granted, it was a kiss to remember. The best one she’s ever experienced. A kiss she’d do anything to go back in time and experience again. 

Still, no matter how good that kiss was, it doesn’t give Mary the right to follow Marlene around and confess her love for her. 

She sighs. “I get it, don’t worry,” she says calmly. She has to keep her shit together until she’s home. She’s pressured Marlene enough as it is, she doesn’t need to guilt-trip her into giving her yet another chance. When she gets home she will be free to cry all she wants and dread the moment her parents return home and give her all the trouble in the world. “My car is at Lily’s house, come on.” She starts walking down the hill. “You don’t have to speak to me, I’ll just give you a ride home.”

She doesn’t expect it when she feels a hand wrap around her wrist. She also doesn’t expect it when she’s pulled back. Before she knows it, she’s back in that moment. In the most perfect moment in her life, in the moment when she felt Marlene’s lips against her own and noted the exact moment she realised nothing will ever be the same again. That night, that mere thought scared the absolute crap out of her.

This night, with Marlene’s lips back against her own, she feels the most hopeful she’s ever felt. She notes the exact moment she understands that this is where she belongs. She belongs between Marlene’s arms, kissing her senseless in the rain. She also notes the exact moment she understands what this kiss means.

It’s not that she wants to break the kiss, but she has to. She very carefully pulls back, struggling to keep her eyes on Marlene’s eyes when her lips glisten so much. After a few takes, she finally settles her gaze. “So… does that mean…?”

“That I forgive you? You’ll have to try a little harder for that, princess.” No words in the English vocabulary have an accurate enough meaning to describe the absolute joy that runs through Mary’s veins when Marlene calls her princess. She will do anything. Marlene has given her another chance – that she doesn’t deserve, really – and she is determined to make it work. She will do anything for Marlene to forgive her. “It means that I absolutely love you, too.” It feels so nice to finally see Marlene smile at her again. It might’ve been only a few days, but it feels like years since she last saw that smile. “And I’m willing to work things out,” she finally concludes, caressing Mary’s waist with her thumbs. “No more surprises, right?”

Mary shakes her head. “No. No more surprises.”

“And you’re all in?”

“All in. One hundred percent in.”

“And you won’t switch up tomorrow.”

Mary presses her eyes shut. She doesn’t even want to remember that. “I most definitely will not.” She bites her lip. “Also, can I sleep over?” She asks. Marlene raises a suggestive brow. “My parents will literally kill me when they get home so I’d rather not be there.”

Marlene’s eyes widen. “Ohhh, right! Aren’t you supposed to be at the ball right now?”

“Yeah, so, I ran away.” 

They begin walking down the hill. “Okay, who are you? What have you done to my Mary?”

Mary’s stomach flips at being called her Mary. She laughs. “I told you, I’m all in.”

Marlene smiles happily, slides her hand into Mary’s. Oh, this feels so nice. Walking hand to hand, knowing that this isn’t all a dream and she can kiss Marlene whenever she wants. Speaking of, she stops in her tracks, causing Marlene to stop as well, and kiss her again. Because she can do that now. The kiss ends in huge smiles.

“You’re really pretty, by the way,” Marlene says as they carry on their way. 

“Thank you.” Mary tucks a drenched curl behind her ear. “You should’ve seen me when I was still dry.”

・❥・

The mug cabinet in Marlene’s house is always organised. The cleaners have received very precise instructions on how to place everything in the house. You know, just in case someone decides to start opening the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen and finds out that something in this house isn’t chicly presented. 

A few years back, Marlene and James started taking pottery classes. It was winter and they were bored out of their mind, so it seemed like an interesting hobby to have. It didn’t last long, they got bored of it too pretty quickly. Anyways, Marlene now has five mugs and a couple of plates that go against the entire aesthetic that her mom wanted for the house. 

So, the cleaners are also instructed to put these mugs in the far back of the cabinet, hidden by the other, awfully beige mugs. At least she didn’t dedicate a whole cabinet to them, just to keep the atrocities that are Marlene’s creations out of sight – and therefore, out of mind. Even though Marlene only ever uses her own mugs, they still end up in the far back of the cabinet.

She reaches for the familiar, colorful and wobbly mugs while the kettle boils the water. And then she throws a tea bag in each of them. Then, in one of the plates she made herself, which is also hidden away, she puts a few biscuits. 

It’s as she’s trying to balance the two chunky mugs and a plate while heading for the staircase that she hears a key twist in the front door. She wishes she could run, but that would only result in a huge mess. Her other option, to freeze still, results in her getting caught with two mugs in hand by her mother as she returns from the debutante ball that Mary ran away from.

And not to mention that she knows. She knows something is going on between them.

When she pushes the door open just to face Marlene, she also stands still. She doesn’t say anything at first, she only stares at Marlene as if there’s a puzzle to solve. When her eyes linger for a moment too long on the mugs and the biscuits, Marlene knows that she understands. However, she still doesn’t say anything. 

First, she shuts the door and locks in, then she takes her heels off. And then she asks– no, states, “So, she came to you.”

Marlene knows there’s no point in playing dumb. “Yes.”

And that’s all they say about the huge fucking elephant in the room. Although Marlene swears she catches the tiniest of all smiles curve her mom’s lips. Her mom nods. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Marlene says back, but she doesn’t carry on her way until after her mom has already gone up the stairs

Her ears are buzzing and her heart is racing because… Did she just get her mom’s approval? Only after she hears a door shut she continues on up. And she finds Mary with eyes wider than ever. 

“Did you tell your mom I’m here?” she asks, seemingly terrified.

“She sort of already knew,” Marlene says. “She also, in some weird way, knew that I liked you. She talked to me before the ball.” Mary seems unsettled by the fact. Rightfully so, really. Marlene thinks back to what it felt like when she started discovering her sexuality and people started finding out – before the secret was out altogether. She rushes to reassure, “She’s okay with it.” I think. “She even smiled.” I think.

At that, Mary seems beyond surprised. “Really?!”

“Yeah,” Marlene confirms. “Don’t worry.” She sets the mugs and the plate on her desk and moves towards Mary, placing her hands on her body as soon as she’s close enough to do that.

Mary hums, staying on the subject. “She just… stopped out your door and I started freaking out and then she just said, ‘You gave us a proper scare tonight, Mary.’ And then I completely started freaking out.”

Marlene shakes her head. “Don’t worry about her,” she dismisses. “She won’t tell a soul, I promise.”

“Okay,” Mary says softly, finally leaning into Marlene’s touch. 

“Let’s stop talking about my mother, now, yeah?”

Mary raises a brow. “What do you want to talk about?”

Marlene leans in, painfully slowly. Mary’s lips seem to be gravitating towards her own but before they touch, Marlene drops her smile. “How you used all the hot water and now I’ll freeze to death.”

She backs up as Mary snorts a laugh. Marlene fully intends to turn around and grab the tea she brought, but then Mary dares to smirk. And, well, now she simply doesn’t want to look away from her girlfriend. “Well, you should’ve joined me,” Mary then says in the most suggestive way. Marlene’s stomach flips around like an acrobat in a circus because she wasn’t expecting this.

Just a couple of days ago, Mary stood in this very same room telling her that she’s not like that and shattering her heart. Tonight, she’s kissing her every chance she gets and couldn’t be more forward about what she wants even if she tried. And it all feels like a big, happy dream she’ll soon wake up from. In no way did she think Mary would be so open to suggesting things like that so early on, she thought she’d have to give her some time to figure it out.

But Mary doesn’t seem to need time. She’s all over Marlene already like she has given this quite the thought. Which, she supposes, she has if she left the deb ball just to confess her love to her.

And then it hits her that this is her reality now.

She lives in a reality where Mary Macdonald is her girlfriend and can just say stuff like that to her. And she can’t explain how grateful and lucky she feels.

FIN.