Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Warning!!

I wasnt able to tag everything cuz uhm. Also other dandys world characters are mentioned, but they ARENT ACTUALLY there. And flashback to a suicude attempt, also hallucinations and derealization are in this. And semi-grooming? Im not sure, im kinda having a mental collapse inside yk?

And remember it was either writing this or self harm!!

Chapter Text

"Fuck..." she muttered as she held the blade in her hand. She didnt understand why but it gave her a rush, a weird one. She stood up and looked up at her face.

She heard that doing this was for attention, and yet she never really got any? Almost none at all. Everyone ignored her, the blantant ignorance and being forgotten made her mad. She needed attention yearned for it. Reaching up to the sky, but she could never reach it, crashing and falling before reaching it.

"Whatever..."

She walked away from the mirror her wrists still bloody, it didnt matter if she cleaned it or not, no one cared. She wanted to just lay back into her bed and sleep,
She couldnt for some reason. So she lay out on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She heard the clock ticking but she didnt care. Why would she? I mean she just sliced up her wrists.

As the clock continued ticking she looked over, seeing a shadow...shit.

Wait...

There isnt anyone? She sat up staring at the shadow...?

She got up and started looking around her room, there was no one in there but her. She looked back down at her arm, red all over. She went to the sink and decided to clean it.
After all, she didnt really like that color.

She was done cleaning her arms, and she sat back down on her bed, wondering. How did she get here?

I mean none of it felt real, because it isnt. None of it is real, all shes doing is living a fake life. And yet she wishes to live more of it, to get fake attention from fake people for a fake self. She sighed and then looked at the photo on the side of her bed.

It was her, vee, astro, sprout, pebble, and that damned dandy.

She hated dandy, and she always will. He is the reason shes like this after all...

Chapter Text

"Its okay! Just lay down." Dandy said to her. She wasnt sure about this. But she can trust dandy...cant she?

Dandy started to take his shirt off smiling at her, telling her it was okay, but was it? She layed there on a bed not hers. Her gut was telling her to go, to move, to run. But she didnt, she froze.

She froze...

Maybe it was her fault. She didnt say no, she trusted him. And now she has to deal with it. The consequence of her own actions.

She first started actually talking to dandy five years prior, when they first met. When she was a kid. Just a kid, a young innocent kid. He was....oh whatever. They usually talked, and sometimes played a bit of games.

"Hey shells! Youre looking really good today,"
"Really? Oh thank you dandy...but im sure i dont"
Dandy's eye started looking her up and down, but shelly didnt notice. Ignorant little shelly...

"You would look even better if you showed some more skin," he winked at her. But she didnt like it, this wink felt different. Not just a little wink to show it was sarcastic, or just because. This wink felt more tense? And the look in his eyes...but she didnt care.

She started to wear more revealing clothes, slowly and slowly. She started to conform to what dandy wanted, what he wanted

And i guess it worked. Dandy gave her more attention at the very least. But god, she felt so gross. But if it means attention from him...then it good! Right?

Dandy kept making requests, and request and she fufilled them. And she felt good, dandy made her feel good and validated! So why did she want to stop...?

Chapter Text

It was finally morning. She didnt sleep at all, her eye bags showing she hadnt in a while. She left her room, deciding to wear her dinosnore costume to cover up her arms.

No one cared she wasnt wearing her usual outfit, they glanced over her, talking to their friends. She went down to get breakfast, she stopped gretting cosmo and sprout. Cause they didnt even notice it. She grabbed a plate of...something. she didnt even care about what she ate, she just did.

She walked in the hallwaycrowded with toons chatting, no one noticed her. She just kept walking...and
*crash*
"Agh! Im so sorry," she looked up and vee was infront of her. She picked up papers vee dropped, they were flyers for her show. She handed them back and walked away fast with her head down

FUCK FUCK FUCK, UGH YOU STUPID DISGRACE YOU RUINED SOMEONES DAY. YOU SUCK. YOU SHOULD JUST DIE, YEAH JUST DIE ALREADY!

how about you die yourself you fucking HYPOCRITES! Ugh, shut up. We arent dying yet

Chapter Text

The day was over. She did nothing,nothing,and a whole lot of nothing!

She was alone, in her bedroom. The lights were turned off and she stared up. She was just thinking, thinking of what? And then all of sudden she started thinking dirty things. Out of nowhere too...she closed her eyes trying to shake them away. But they didnt go, she kept thinking of dandy

That bitch.

She didnt realize it but a hand was touching her, she didnt realize untill her fingers touched her "uph!" She said suddenly. She immedaitly stopped and was flushed. Embarrased about the fact she just did that out of nowhere. And didnt realize it. She got up and wondered what to do.

I mean she didnt have much to do, shes read every dino fact. She has no friends, and she doesnt really wanna give in to any urges.

She slumped on her bed looking up and went into her mind, a playground. It was always a playground, she tried to pretend like she had childlike innoncence, but it was all a facade. She pushed that thought away, remembering dinosaur facts instead.

Her face smiled as she sat on her bed, staring at a wall.

*knock knock*

Shelly didnt notice knocking, she was just too busy in her world.

Maybe she shouldve been paying attention

Chapter Text

It'd been forever since someone had talked to her. She had been in her room for weeks. No one checked, no one cared. And she spiraled. Maybe it was the lack of food, maybe the lack of water, maybe the lack of sunlight. Who knows

She sat on her bed, her body weak. No one checked on her, so she got up. She almost fell but caught herself she walked to the bathroom. Her reflection was wrong, she was wrong. The shadows played around her, but she didnt care.

It didnt matter, she wasnt real. Nothing was, it all means nothing.

She took out the blade she took from a box cutter. But before that she wrote a note, a note. Pathetic, no one cared about her why would anyone want a note from an unimportant, forgetten toon.

'Dear toons,

I dont know why im writing this note. None of you cared about me
If youre reading this im probably dead, i guess ignoring someone gets to a point! But ive been spiraling ever since that day. But im not sure what to tell you, but all i know is that im not real, you arent real either. Nothing matters, and dont listen to, him

- Shelly.'

She set the note down on the counter. She put the blade next to her throat pressing down on one side. God it was painful a lot more painful than it should be...before she could think her instincts made her scream in pain. Her eyes widened, hopefully they ignored her like usual. But nope!

She heard footsteps in the hallway

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, they cant see me like this." Shelly had the blade in her shaky hands, she tried to hurry up but her hands kept shaking.

It was too late as a toon opended her door, she dropped the blade onto the floor. Her throat having some blood dripping down onto the floor.

She turned her back trying to hide her throat. Behind her laid the blade with blood on it, and the note. It fell of the counter but she ignored it.

instead she put her hands over her throat covering it, her hands turning warm from the blood dripping out of her throat.

She didnt hit anything vital, sad-thankfully.

"What the fuck were you doing in here..." Vee asked behind her. She remembered all the toons, voices, everything...

D

"Nothing," she muttered, as she looked at her hand, it was red and...black? She flinched at the sight of black on her hands, her hands shaking way worse,

Vee saw that shelly was shaking, a lot of shaking. "Shelly look at me," vee said placing her hand on shelly's shoulder

Shelly looked up, at Vee's eyes. Fear? Sadness? Anger? She couldnt tell. Vee saw her neck, flinching at the red and black.

Shelly covered it up, trying to not show anymore, but it was all over her shirt. As if to mock her, and her futile attempts of covering it up.

Vee looked around room. Noticing the note, she read a few lines. Her body started to shake at the thought. "Shelly...did you just try to...?"

Shelly didnt know what to say, so she stood still. Just staring, but her eyes couldnt hide the truth. The guilt in her, the anger she had failed, and worst the fact she was grateful someone stopped her.

"What the fuck." Vee said, glaring at her.

Shelly recoiled at the words, the anger in them felt like daggers, reminding her of shannon. But she just stared. Opening her mouth, but no words left.

She just stood, hands covering the gash on her throat, the blood on her shirt. And the machine infront of her.

Chapter Text

Shelly sat in her room, hugging her dinosaur plushes. Ever since...that, she had a tiny plush of herself. Apparently it was to help her, but she hid it under her bed, she hated it. She hated herself, she hated the mention of herself.

Looking up her room was almost barren, it had been cleaned and sharp things were taken away from her. Thankfully she hid a pencil sharpener in her plush. But she hadnt used it that much, she didnt feel a need to anymore.

She still wanted to die, but it wasnt her main goal anymore. If she dead, oh well. But maybe she could stay a bit longer.
But she knew at some point she couldnt wait forever, and she would rather die at her own hands than anyone else's.

She got ready, putting on her dress and gloves, and some braclets. She got some breakfeast saying hello to sprout and cosmo. They still never answered back, but she ignored it.

She had been talking to everyone, even if they ignored her. She didnt care, not anymore. Nothing could be as bad as the look on her face.

She missed her mo--caretaker. She missed her caretaker. Shannon, she was so nice to her. Thinking about her brought tears to shelly's eyes.

All she wanted was to be back in those caring arms, was that too much to ask?

she sat in her room. She put on a hoodie she stole from shannon before she left. She picked up her dinosaur plush, and hugged it a little tighter. She wanted her mom back. But she was gone

"dinner time!"

shelly usually skipped the dinner times. Most of the toons went, usually eating without her. But she decided to go, wearing her iconic outfit she went.

she got a big plate. It had been a while since she had real food. Ashamed to admit she had been living off of vending machine food and candy...

shelly enjoyed the food. It was the best she had tasted in a while. She ate fast trying to eat it all and enjoy it,

"shelly shouldnt you slow down?" A voice rang out in the quiet room, everyone was busy eating.

Shelly looked up at who said that. It was teagen, she looked down at her food.

her stomach suddenly didnt feel well. The food started to taste gross,and the texture felt like bugs. She sat for a minute frozen, and then excused herself.

she went to the bathroom, and looked at herself in the mirror. Everything she did was judged, why? Why was everything she did judged.

she looked at her body in the mirror, teagen was right. She was bad. She needed to slow down eating. Maybe even...not eat.

Chapter Text

Shelly was in her bed again. Like usual, she had felt really bad for days. But she had no reason to feel bad, maybe she wanted an excuse. No one truly cared.

She took the pencil sharpener out of her plush, and got her screwdriver. She unscrewed the blade, taking it out carefully. She didnt now why she was careful with it now, but she held it up. Looking at the glint on the metal, as the light shined down on it

Chapter Text

Shelly woke up. She was smiling. This was gonna be a good day! She jumped up from her bed and wore her iconic outfit.

She didnt really care about her scars today, they healed. They showed her struggle and maybe that was something to be proud of.

She went outside her room grabbing breakfast, she waved hi to cosmo and sprout. And cosmo said hi back, she smiled bigger. This was like the first time they said hi back!

She ate her breakfast, and she sat with the other toons. She listened in on the conversation, and then-

"Hey shelly what do you think about it?"

"Huh, me?"

"Yeah! I wanna hear your opinion," gigi said as she looked at shelly.

"Well honestly i feel that it is the worst game ever. First of all not only can you be targeted, everyone can get hurt too! Dodgeball might be the worst sport ever!"

She looked over as flutter and tisha nodded along to her opinion. "What! Dodgeball is so fun!" Gigi said, staring in disbelief.

The conversation continued about dodgeball and shelly kept eating her breakfast. She watched as connie and gigi got into a very heated argurement about it.

She finished her breakfast waving goodbye as she waltzed down the hall. She hummed along to a song, she didnt really know the title but eh! She walked on swinging her tail to the beat as she hummed the melody.

She waved to the scattered toon around the room. She saw all the popular toons in one group. Then she heard multiple hi's from them

She passed by the rest of the toons, overhearing their conversations and other sound effects.

She heard a loud crash and a yelp, she turned to see yatta on the floor with a crate that used to be full of party supplies on the floor.

She ran to yatta,"Yatta! You okay?"

Yatta got up and brushed the dust of their paper mache, "im alright shelly, dont worry!" But then yatta sighed, "but now i gotta clean all this up..."

Shelly thought then said,"i can help! Only if you want of course,"

Yatta nodded.

Shelly crouched down and picked up the party supplies scattered around the floor, and placed them in the crate. Yatta and her chatting as they worked.

"Thanks for helping me do that shelly!" Yatta said,"its no problem!"

And with that shelly walked away to her room.

Chapter Text

Shelly woke up. She still felt happy from yesterday and decided it was gonna be a good day. No matter what!

She decided to try out a new outfit, it was a bit plainer than usual, and the colors were a bit more dark. She decided to put a bit of sparkles on her eyes, just to combat the plainness.

As she went to get breakfast, cosmo wasnt there. It was just sprout. She grabbed her breakfast.

"Hey sprout, wheres cosmo?" Shelly asked. Sprout looked up,"he's visting his cousin," shelly was surprised,"i-wait isnt ginger a christmas toon?" Sprout nodded. "He checks in on them every once in awhile. He doesnt invite me to go though...." sprout added with a sigh, he seemed upset.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Shelly asked seeing his expression. Sprout was silent for a minute, chopping vegetables violently against a cutting board.

"I do, but i cant." Sprout finally said.

hmmmmm, maybe if i help sprout he'll tell me as hes cooking. I mean i have wanted to learn cooking–

—"Why dont i help you!" Shelly said, sprout looked up at her and thought for a minute. Silence encasing the room.

"Sure, aprons are in the back. Wash ur hands, dont bother with the gloves. Also take the bracelets off," sprout said, shelly panicked a bit about the bracelets. But she took them off.

She found the apron and tied it around herself, washed her hands and came back to where sprout was. She hoped that sprout wouldnt notice the scars. And thankfully he ignored it.

"So what do i do?" Shelly asked,
"Do you know how to cut fruit?" Sprout asked, shelly nodded. And sprout pointed to the fridge. "You can just take a knife from the drawer."

Shelly opended the drawer and started to cut some of the fruit. She had watched cosmo and sprout cook before so she tried to replicate them. She started peeling an apple.

It was really slow, she tried to do what she had seen sprout do but she kept on almost cutting her fingers. She sighed and groaned as the apple was only halfway peeled.

"Hey, remember it takes time to learn to do things. Like everything else, its an artform and you need practice. Why dont you just use a peeler instead of a knife, youve almost nicked yourself like a million times!"

Sprout told her, and shelly went to a drawer of tools and pulled out the peeler. She returned back to the apple. The peeling went by faster, she smiled after she peeled the whole apple.

She cut of the top and bottom of the apple, and she was told to cut out the core so she did.

"Do you maybe want to talk about it.now sprout?" Shelly asked, moving on to another fruit.

"Sure, i mean its just like. FUCK!" sprout shouted suddenly, shelly turned to see a giant cut on his wrist.

"Oh my god!" Shelly dropped her tools and ran to the first aid kit,"Wash it out in the sink!" Shelly shouted at sprout. Sprout obeyed, running to the sink clutching his arm.

Shelly opended the first aid kit and got a bandaid, some cotton, and antibiotic cream.

She held the cut outside of water, it stopped bleeding. She patted it with the cotton, throwing it away after using it. She put some of the cream on his cut. And then she put the bandaid on.

"Its stinging,"—"no kidding, of course it is."

Shelly forced sprout to sit and to take a break from cooking angrily. "Why dont you talk about it. Its clearly bothering you, like you even nicked yourself because of it!" Shelly told him.

"Well cosmo always goes to see the christmas toons, but he never lets me go with him! I know hes invited other toons to go but...its not me! And im his boyfriend, and he still wont take me. I feel like hes hiding something, but what could he be hiding! Agh this is stupid. Im sorry for being upset over something so dumb‐"

"It isnt dumb! Its your feelings, and theyre valid," shelly crouched down, eye to eye with sprout. "Why dont you just talk to cosmo about how you feel, and maybe find out why he doesnt wanna take you!"

Sprout smiled, and he muttered a small thank you.

"I think i should go and leave you to cooking. I am not the greatest..." shelly said as she got up, she looked back and gave sprouts a thumbs up before she left.

She walked down the hallway thinking, geez, what a morning!

She walked further along, looking at the walls and everything around.

As she walked to her room. She remembered the most randomest thing,
"One day ill have wings!"
And it was true. But maybe, just maybe. She wouldnt have them just yet,

Chapter Text

make your prescence known.

Shelly stood up from her bed, practially jumping up. She went to her bathroom andooked in the mirror. She picked up her makeup, or well face paint.

She decided to do a bold look today, she did her usual makeup. But with some more dramatic touches. She then took out her glitter, and put it on herself.

As she looked in the mirror after, and smiled. All big, then giggled at the look on her face.

the difference between now and just a few months ago...she was practically a new person.

She decided to wear a sundress. It was decorated with lemons and blossoms. She usually wore long sleves or bracelets, but today she refrained from it.

And before she left, she put on a gold necklace. She walked out of her room, and waved to the toons around the hallway. They waved back, smiling then turning back to whatever they were doing.

Infront of the dine area, she stood. She thought about what she wanted, hmmmm maybe some blueberry pancakes she nodded as if agreeing with the thought.

She walked in and greeted cosmo and sprout, "Hi cosmo, hi sprout!" She said, waving to them. Cosmo looked up saying hi, and sprout waved hi. Looki g at the food he was cooking

"What are ya thinking of getting today shells?" Cosmo asked,

"Can i have some blueberry pancakes?"

"Ooo, switching up i see!"

Shelly laughed nervously,"yeah i am, i mean i should stretch out my taste!"

Cosmo smiled, he then started to get the ingredients for pancakes when—"We already have some pancake batter pre-mixed, i figured we would need it," sprouts voice ringed out. Cosmo then put back the things he pulled.

W.I.P, ao3 wont let me save this as a draft

Chapter Text

Shelly sat at her bed. She was left alone with her thoughts. And she just wa ted to be left alone. But she didnt know why, slamming the door shut to everyone.

you should cut urself again but it was never really said in her mind. Just an urge. Just a way to relieve herself.

Maybe it was just a way to punish herself for being like this. But no, she knew why she was like this. And yet she didnt, fortunately her brain knew how to protect itself. But it removed more of her memory than needed.

She sat, she knew she could just do it. But the shame. And what would they think of her? Maybe they forgot her again. Maybe, if they did than she considered she wouldnt feel guilty.

After all she deserved it. After becoming unpure from him.

She got up from her bed anyways. As she walked out to the main lobby. She walked past other toons. She didnt bother waving, she was tired of everyone.

maybe shrimpo is right she laughed a bit at the thought. Never in a million years did she think that she was gonna agree with him!?

As she walked to get breakfast, she forced a quick wave and asked for her usual.

As she sat down she heard tisha. She smiled and waved but she felt annoyned. She didnt know why. But she wanted to just leave

As tisha greeted her. Shelly's mind raced with thoughts of frustration and other things. She wasnt listening to what tisha was saying, or well anyone else.

As she got her breakfast she heard her thoughts and agreed with them. But it didnt feel she though it...eh, they are right so why care.

She said goodbye to tisha once her food was done. She picked it up and practially ran to her room. She put her food down on a shelf thats was cleared.

She brought a chair over, ate and then decided to just do whatever.

She layed around her room and just existed. Usually she didnt like being left alone. But whenever she wasnt she just felt frustrated. But she didnt know why?

It was just a switch that she didnt understand herself. But she couldnt flip it back. Maybe it was just everyone else. Or she just didnt want to blame herself.

She flipped over on her side, staring at a wall. She got up and went out of her room finally.

As she walked she heard a voice, "Shelly! There you are, come on we got to go and fufill duties." Vee. She usually liked the girl but right now, she just didnt want to talk.

Shelly sighed and followed Vee as she walked away.

why cant we just be left alone!
i know right? Like just let us be!

Shelly performed her duties. But today Vee kept on managing how she was doing it.

Shelly's nails(or well claws) dug into her palms. She was trying to not just explode on her friend! But as she bit her tounge she felt her tears fall.

i-what? I wasnt even sad why am i crying? she asked herself. But they still fell. And she knew she needed a moment. So she just went to her bathroom cleaned her tears.

And in her room she screamed into her pillow. She was so done with today. She wished she could bang her head against a wall.

Shelly sat in her room. She knew she should go. But whenever she went out, everyone was so pestering! Why couldnt the toons just stop being so ugh.

She laid in her bed. She turned on the tv and watched it for the rest of the day.She didnt want to do anything. She just wished people left her alone.

She heard her head talking again. She didnt bother listening to the conversation. Infact she was barely existing. She wasnt paying attention to anything.

And it felt as if her body was moving without her. But she didnt care.

She should care, shouldnt she? But this wasnt the first time. She decided to watch her body. Just an observer, she wasnt controlling it and yet she watched.

She gave up on watching and just faded to the back of her brain. And there she existed.

Just a thing in a body.

Chapter Text

Shelly sat in her room. They held a picture of shannon, and they felt angry? Shelly loves shannon, right? So why is she so mad.

Shannon was basically her parent, she raised them. And yet shelly only felt resentment. Anger, hot rage rising inside her heart.

Shannon was so kind and caring, but she did change the last few weeks shelly saw her. Screaming and throwing things, they didnt understand it then. They didnt understand it now either.

Imagine screaming and yelling infront of a child. They dont understand! And yet shelly was forced to understand, they had to grow up.

If they didnt, no one would care for them. No one to guide them, no one to protect shelly. And no one to stop him not a single person.

As shelly held the photo, they felt the anger in themself boil. They ripped the photo up, their claws tearing the paper. And the shredded pieces fell on the floor.

But it didnt provide any relief. Instead shelly felt tears. And they decided to let themself cry.

Nothing could provide relief, not anymore. Nothing could fill that gaping hole, even if shannon came back.

It would remain there, empty.

Chapter Text

Shelly sat in her bed. Their face covered in tears, she didnt even know why? She was just happy! But now she was crying.

Her room was dark, the lights were turned off because it was night. She looked over to a corner, she didnt know why. Something in her just urged her to look. And she saw it.

Shelly watched as it moved, it distorted. Its face moved, its hands? They shuffled and bent weirdly. Her vision started to blur out, black static taking over each time she blinked.

Fear griped at her, shelly's breathing was faster. Her chest rising and falling rapidly, her stomach was twisted and it hurt.

In her head, thoughts raced and swirled together. Telling her she should just die to this thing. Or to look at it more, truly look at it.

She closed her eyes and hid them away with her hands. She put the blanket over as some sort of protection. Her logical self knew it wasnt real

But the other parts were convinced it was. She cried more, terrified of the thing in her room. She needed to hide, she needed, SHE NEEDED TO HIDE!

But as shelly opemded her eyes, nothing was there. Her breathing calmed down knowing it was gone. But the fear still twisted her stomach.

She stepped out of her room, walking in the empty hallways. It was night so shelly was confident most toons would be out.

She paced around the hallways, spinning in circles at times. She noticed some toons getting up, mostly to use the bathrooms. She ignored them and continued to spin.

Shelly started to hum softly, remembering her favourite songs. She let it fill her head, the melody matching up with her spinning.

Truthfully she didnt really wanna spin, but it distracted her. And it made her a bit more tired. It wasnt untill a toon stopped near her.

"Shelly?" Astro said,

Shelly stopped spinning, she faced him. "Oh hi astro!"

"So why are you spinning?" He asked.

"I just...wanted too! Im having troubles sleeping."

Astro looked at her, he knew when she was lying. After all they were close friends, and so astro walked away. He motioned his hand for her to come along.

Shelly was surprised how easy it was for him to figure her out. But she wasnt really opposed to it. So she walked behind, wondering where they would go.

They both arrived to the center, were the benches and the tree was. Astro sat on the bench, and shelly followed suite aswell.

"So whats really going on?" Astro asked, he didnt look at her. Just looked up at the sky and stars overhead.

"Well, are you sure you wanna know?"

He nodded, and shelly sighed. She crouched over more, her hands holding her head as her elbows rested on her legs.

"Its just, i needed a distraction. I truthfully cant sleep but ive just been thinking you know?" She asked,

"I do know, but continue i dont want to interrupt you,"

"Like...ive been remembering the past, the last few weeks before mom went. And its just been chipping away at me for some reason. And it isnt even just that, tonight i saw something. Its probably dumb but i saw this...thing? It was tall, and pure black. But it wasnt human, not even close. It moved and it scared me. And then when it was present i couldnt think. The only thing in my head was that thing telling me things." She lifted her head up and leaned back. "Ive never told anyone this, but the thoughts came back."

Astro turned to her, looking at her eyes.

"What thoughts?"

Shelly turned to astro, "the ones telling me i should die. And im starting to believe it. I keep on thinking of how death would feel, the peace. And how easy it would be. Especially considering im not real..." shelly laughed a bit, a bitter one.

She laughed untill she cried, her laughing turning into sobs.

"I just dont know how to stop it, i mean im not really real and yet...its still affecting me! he's still on my mind. I just want to get rid of it. But it will always be there,"

Astro hugged shelly. Letting her cry, and cry long into the night.

It wasnt untill shelly stopped did he let go.

"Thank you for telling me, why dont you go sleep now..." he said getting up.

He lead her to her room, and shelly stepped in. Waving goodbye to him before closing the door.

She went to her bed, climbed into her sheets and went to sleep.

Her dreams being sweet for once in awhile.

Chapter Text

Poem 1
"

A raging storm
Slamming doors
The loud wind blows
As my heart stops to glow

Each finger that held me tightly
Has now let go of me lightly
Yet i still hit the floor
As you slammed that door.

A figure that was mine
A new cut in a line
Let go of the heavy past
As the future is glass

Memories erased
Your picture still encased
A locket thats light,
As we fight

Screaming out to you "mom,"
And you leave me, you're gone
Only a hollow husk
That doesnt even have ur musk

Left unsupervised, toys around
Im on the ground
You let me go
And now i am low.

To you my mother,
To you my lover,
I hope you die.
Left to rot as you lie

"

Poem 2

"Waiting silently
Each word said quietly
Like a mouse
Inside a house

Trains whirr past
Each wheel going fast
Their horns blast
Louder than our clash

Alone in a room
Sitting in the gloom
Each light a flicker of hope
Just another way to cope,

Thats what i whisper
When i start to quiver
A blade pressed in my hand
As if cutting crops of land

No one bats an eye
As i speak blantant lies
Sharp on my tounge
Tightening my lungs

Cover up your legs,
Dont let them know you want to hang.
Hide your wrists,
Or else you'll be on their lists.

A list of sad,
Trying to make them glad.
It never works
Not one a single one of their quirks

The sun rises quietly
Light shining brightly
Pierces through the room
Cutting the gloom

A tiny flicker of bright
All of the light
Burns my eyes
Opening the skies

Each new ray,
Shaping my hopes like they're clay
Dimming and slipping
Like a newspaper clipping

Each new one a lie
Waiting to die
A flower wilting
A new lie glinting

Each spiral in my head,
Feeling like lead
Circling and changing
Leaving me shaking

A figure black
Its footsteps clack
A sound that travels to
It goes right through

The sunlight burns it
As if acid is spit
Melting and dying
And then it lies.

Dead with the night
And alive without the light
Yet again, it appears
And it leers.

Every cut, drop of blood
All of them a dud
Never satisifying
Always lying.

It speaks unatural
The damage collateral
Only the sun shines
Onto the lines

The lines in my thighs
Each one giving a high
One that falls
Yet it still calls

A lie thats all it is
And thats all it gives
A horrible lie
And still i have the rope, with its tie."

Poem 3
"Waiting.
I sit here for you.
At the door.
Like a little lapdog.
But i have no shame.
All i want is you opening the door.

I can picture it in my mind,
The door creaking slightly
You hugging me
Embracing my body in your arms
A big smile on your face
The same one on my face aswell

But the door never opended.
It stayed lock
Shut tight and bolted
Not even the sound of banging
The door knob wasnt even touched slightly

The door was left shut.

Yet im still waiting.

And im going crazy."

Poem 4
"A calm day
The sun shines
Dimmer today
But light fills up the room
Hollow laughs
Silent cries

I wonder if she would show up again
See my body
The sight of my cold,clammy body

Maybe she'll cry,
Maybe she'll laugh.
Maybe she wont show up
Maybe she will

As pointless flowers are dropped
I am lowered
Deep into the ground
Away from my mother
Away from my friends
And away from life

Tears fall on the floor
Wiped away, discarded
Like my body will be."

Chapter Text

She stepped out of the room. The halls were dark and filled with silence. Almost every toon was asleep, except for shelly.

They made sure to keep their footsteps light. Hoping to not awake any of her fellow toons.

Her face felt heavy, sunken eyebags and stinging eyes. She hadnt fallen asleep in awhile. Its effects taking a toll on her body, but she still couldnt sleep.

Shelly was unsure what she would do out here. They just needed out of their room, maybe tire themself out by walking.

Soft padded footsteps filled the air. The moon shined down on the place. Its soft light gleaming through the windows. Welcoming her to enjoy the dim light.

She was in the main area now. Where all the benches and elevators mainly where, the glass top on the ceiling lit the whole room.

The silent, dark, peaceful place that gardenview was when night welcomed the toons. Shelly looked up at the glass, the moon stood overtop. Staring down, its light shining on her.

The tree in the middle seemed as if it was reaching towards the moon. Wanting more of its light. Leaves turned upwards, soaking up the slight light. Bark twisting and turning upwards.

Shelly stood in place, right before the stairs upwards to the tree. Looking up, and watching the tree and the stars above.

Colors shifted fast, confusion struck them. Shifting and turning glimpses of the rainbow started to dance around the moon. Twisting and turning like the bark, each movement graceful.

She stood frozen. Watching, as the the colors danced and turned. All shifting hues, turning grey then saturated. Values danced up and down, lighter and darker. Untill they took their forms.

Silly little people.

Little clowns.

Talking stars.

Singing boys and girls.

Patches of colors.

All of them ripped the sky, covering the place. Spinning around her.

Shelly could only focus on them, everything else felt dark and gloomy. Only these things brought light, catching her sight. Dancing and performing.

Parading around her they spun, faster and faster. Child laughter errupted from them, filling her head with the noise. A buzz pierced her brain.

A constant ringing, the laughter getting louder. The sound shifted to talking, each voice saying something different. Shelly raised her arm, reaching out to it.

For a moment it went away, but came back. Her arm raised with goosebumps, feeling like centipedes crawled all over her.

Stomach twisted and turned, the colors grew darker. Spinning faster, their skin itched.

Shelly still stood alone, every other toon asleep.

Stumbling over to a trashcan, she threw up. Looking down, it looked full of raw meat and bugs. Smushed up little bugs, legs around in the mixture.

They turned quickly, their face pale, her head still had that buzz in her ears, her skin felt like million of little bugs were crawling all over, and their eyes still hurt. Stinging and burning, too much happening.

Screams came from somewhere, shelly flinched. Turning to see where the scream came from.

No one else was there, only the little people popping up and out. Reappearing then leaving again, over and over.

Shelly clutched her head, confused. They were so confused, so utterly confused. She looked around and saw they had finally left the air.

"W-where did they go?" Her hoarse throat spoke.

She walked around, each footstep seemed to echo. Approaching corners and random places. None of them popped up and greeted them.

Her head still buzzed, eyes still stinging, and her face was pale.

They headed back to their room.

They needed to sleep...

Chapter Text

"Dinner!" A voice screamed out.

Shelly put on a jacket and a long skirt she liked. Putting on some bracelets before she headed out.

She passed by a few toons, telling eachother brief hellos before going to eat.

Shelly got in line, and was behind astro.

"Hi astro!"

Astro turned and waved one of his arms to them.

"Hi shelly, how are you?"

"Im alright, how are you?"

"Well i suppose im neutral as of now, im not particulary good nor am i bad,"

Shelly nodded along to whatever astro was saying, both of them standing and waiting in awkward silence untill the line moved forward.

Both of them grabbed plates. Today's meal was a hamburger and fries.

All the toons sat down, shelly joined them. Putting their plate down and listening to the topics being spoken about.

Shelly didnt really care too much today, she didnt feel like talking.

She stared at her plate, look at the burger.

The smell hit her nose.

She wrinkled her nose, and felt her stomach tighten.

Her brain flashed images of raw meat, their stomach twisting and turning more as they stared at the meal.

Shelly wasnt sure she could eat it today.

"Im not too hungry today actually,"

Pushing her plate away. She got up quickly, hurrying to her room and closing the door.

Why did i react so badly to meat today?

She wasnt sure, but smelling the scent of the meal from her room made her even more nauseous.

Their mind wriggled with images of raw meat, all of them making shelly even more sick. They laid down in their bed, curling into themself hoping it would go away.