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You Were Always on My Mind

Summary:

So, apparently, it is NOT ordinary for your Persona to want to kiss another Persona. Huh. Maybe you should come to terms with your unresolved feelings for your best friend.

Chapter 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Akira and Ryuji were taking a well-deserved break in a Safe room to catch their breath after beating a particularly strong Shadow in Kamoshida's Palace. Morgana had noticed their fatigued deamenor and tense expressions as they moved across the Palace, and promptly pushed them inside a Safe room despite their protests, ordering them to take a proper rest before disappearing to, as he said, "scout the area" — even though they were absolutely certain they had already found the full map of the floor, Akira thought to himself, raising an eyebrow — leaving the both of them alone.
Ryuji was slouched on the table, his face prompted on his elbow as he sighed. "When's he coming back?"
"No idea" said Akira, who had his back turned, inspecting the intricate tapestry on the wall in front of him. "Who knows what he's up to now. Could take hours."
To that, Ruyji eloquently responded with a long whine, sliding his face on the table before closing his eyes.

Captain Kidd and Arsène were just around the corner, sprawled on the bed behind its velvet canopy, playing around and shoving each other. From time to time, you could hear a giggle or two, mostly from Arsène, but also deep snickers from Captain.

See, much like their users, it was usual for the two Personas to interact in such manner. Ever since both Akira and Ryuji had awakened them, they had seemed to take a liking to each other. When they were not busy fighting Shadows, the Personas would stay close to one another, teasing and poking fun at each other.
Akira was not entirely sure of what that meant, but it did not bother him that much. He enjoyed Ryuji's compagny and was glad he had found someone at Shujin with whom he could be entirely himself and whom he could trust.

Morgana had once commented on it, saying he had never seen Personas acting so friendly toward one another, to which Ryuji had reacted throwing an arm over Akira's shoulder saying "Y'a heard that? We're special bro, even our Personas are best buds!" to which the dark-haired boy had smiled without adding anything.

Multiple minutes had passed now as it grew more and more obvious to them that Morgana would not be back for a while. Akira was about to turn around and say something to the blond boy, but froze as he heard a smooch sound and felt a weird touch on his lips.
Sharing senses with his Persona was not new to him, he was used to feeling the blows Arsène received in the Metaverse, or the items in his palms when Arsène collected treasures, though he still was not fully accustomed to them. However, this was a sensation he was sure he had never felt before. Quickly, he realized that Arsène, his Persona, had actually planted a kiss right onto Captain Kidd's cheek.
He heard the two Personas giggling as he brought his hand to his lips, feeling his own cheeks burning up with the implication this gesture brought.
He turned around, wide-eyed and stared at the other boy, who looked just as shocked as he was. "D-dude, I'm sorry, I-I Don't know wh-"
Ryuji opened his mouth at the same time, "uh, I-, don't worry bro, let's just forget about it, I mean, we still don't understand a thing about the Metaverse or these Persona, I'm sure it was an accident or somethin'..." As he spoke, he brought a hand to his head to scratch the back of it and looked away, his eyes fixated on the floor. He then called back Captain Kidd, who quickly faded into a blue mist, and Akira did the same with Arsène. They stayed in silence for a while.
When Morgana returned, he stared at them suspiciously, noticing the tense atmosphere in the room. His gaze shifted from one boy to the other, but he did not comment on it. They decided to end the exploration and continue to search for the Treasure another time. When they returned to the real world, they simply said goodbye and went their own way. Morgana could tell from the tip of Akira's ears that something had happened, but he did not press the issue.

***

And so, they had decided to forget about the whole incident. Days passed and they saw each other everyday at school. In the meantime, Ann had joined their team, and they were certain they'd be able to steal Kamoshida's treasure in the next few days.
Yet, Akira could not forget about what had happened in the Metaverse. Ever since Arsène's bold move, Akira had found himself constantly staring at Ryuji when the other could not see. His gaze lingered on the lines of his neck, his defined arms, as he sometimes wondered what they would feel like under his touch. Embarrassed by these thoughts, he would hastily dismiss them and look away. Was it normal to feel this way about your best friend?

It seemed he was not the only one who could not forget about that episode, as Ryuji got more and more flustered around Akira too. Without meaning it, they were actually avoiding each other. Ruyji was careful about not letting Captain wander around Arsène or Akira too long in the Metaverse. He felt like his control over the pirate could slip any moment and ruin his relationship with the other boy. He mentally apologized everytime he saw his Persona's saddened look as he faded away. "I'm sorry, dude, I can't let you act unpredictably anymore" he thought as he called back the captain.

However, this was actually starting to weigh on the both of them. How could their friendship crumble as fast as it had developped? Ryuji felt his chest tightening as he thought of the raven-haired boy who had left the school in a rush after class to take a shift at the convenience store. A few days prior, Ryuji was sure he would have chosen instead to spend his time with him, going to the arcade or eating ramen together.
Instead, he was lying in the grass behind the gym, at his secret training spot.
"So, you're not training today?"
Ryuji jolted up and turned around, only to see a familiar figure approaching. "Oh, Ann, it's you."
"Yeah, why do you look so surprised?"
"I mean, I kinda thought I was the only one who knew about this spot. At least, only me and 'Kira, since I showed him." He looked away, embarrassed at the mention of the other boy.
"As if, couples come here to make out, y’a know? By the way, why isn't Akira with you right now? I could swear all he did was spend his spare time with you." she said as she sat next to him in the grass.
Ryuji frowned before speaking again, "I know, he took an extra shift at the store in Shibuya, I think he's actively avoiding me these days…"
Ann paused and looked at him for a few seconds. "What did you do to him? You're his favorite person at Shujin!"
This time, Ryuji was actually offended : "Hey, I didn't do nuthin', if anything, he was the one to-" he said before interrupting himself.
"He what?" Ann perked up, leaning towards Ryuji, wanting to know more.
"Wait, no, no, I can't tell you that- I mean, me and Akira decided not to- i-it's not like it's serious or anything" This time, Ryuji hid his face with his hands.
"You've said too much, now you need to tell me", Ann said playfully, "and you seem like you need to take a weight off your chest" she added, a more serious look on her face.
Ryuji slowly put down his hand, hesitating.
"Okay, um- please, promise not to laugh, okay?" Ann nodded. "The other day, Captain, I mean, Arsène and Captain, they were joking around, like they always do, and, I don't know what happened but- Arsène, he, he kinda kissed Captain."
Ann's blue eyes suddently went wide : "His Persona… did it on its own?" Ruyji simply nodded.
"That's crazy, I didn't even know they could do that." She put her hand under her chin, "so that explains it, this is why you two have been so awkward around each other."
"What, you noticed?"
Ann gave him an unempressed look. "Don't make me laugh, you can cut the tension with a knife between you two."
"So, what am I s'pposed to do now? I'm so scared he'll cut all ties with me once this Kamoshida issue is solved, I've been holding Captain back over there, just so it doesn't happen again."
Ann could only imagine doing that to her Carmen, that would be like fighting herself. Fighting herself, wait…
Ann stood up : "Ryuji, why do you think Arsène did that?"
Ryuji seemed taken aback by the question. "Uh, I dunno? Maybe Akira lost control or somethin' for a second."
"Yes,exactly!" Ann cheered. Ryuji did not seem to understand her excitement. Noticing his total lack of reaction, Ann rolled her eyes, "Urgh, isn't it obvious??"
"Umh, no?" He replied with the same tone.
Ann glared at him before she started talking again. "Listen, do you always have to think about what your Persona is doing?" Ryuji shook his head. "Of course not, that would be tiring as hell!"
"There you go!" Ann said, "Don't you remember Morgana's whole speech about Personas and stuff?" She turned to face him. "You should know better than me since you've heard it more than once." Ryuji shrugged his shoulders, and Ann rolled her eyes once more, and simply resumed : "Your Persona is literally you, how could it act out-of-character?"
Ryuji raised an eyebrow, "bro, are you saying 'Kira kissed Captain on purpose that day? Why would he do that?"
Ann gave him a slap on the shoulder. "Oh my god, you're a dense one! Not Captain, you!"
Ryuji actually seemed shocked this time. "Wha-, me??"
"Yes, you, dumbass! I'm sure he didn't MEAN to, but that doesn't mean he didn't WANT to." Her tone suddently became sweeter, and the hand she had just slapped him with rested gently on his arm. "You should talk to him. You are right, your friendship, or whatever it is you guys are doing, should not end like this." She gave him a reasuring smile.

That night, Ryuji was rolling around in his bed, unable to find sleep. Everything Ann told him was slowly kicking in. Akira, wanting to kiss him? Nah, no way, I mean, how could he?
But... if it wasn't that, what was it?

Shit, she was right. He'd have to have a serious talk with his best friend.

Notes:

Can you tell I'm a Jojo fan lol (ik Personas don't work like that in canon but i think it'd be kinda cool)

This is actually my first time writing a fic like that so I hope you enjoy it !
I'll update it soon c:

Chapter 2

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Sprawled across his bed, Ryuji played the situation over and over in his head. It all seemed unreal to him, I mean, how could Ann suggest that Akira, the coolest guy he'd ever known, would want to kiss HIM, the loud Shujin punk with no manners or finesse whatsoever, of all people? If what she said what was right, then it meant that Arsène felt comfortable kissing Captain Kidd because unconsciously Akira had wanted to do so as well, that it was one of his repressed desires. But there was no way, right? Though Ryuji didn’t really know anything about psychoanalysis or anything like that, it still seemed like it could fit Morgana’s whole explanation of the Metaverse and Personas and cognitions and shit. At that point, he wouldn’t even be surprised anymore if a Shadow version of himself popped outta nowhere to nag him about the obvious awkwardness between his best friend and him.

Was this really how Akira felt? Ryuji was all sorts of confused. How was he supposed to react to the fact that his best friend might be entertaining thoughts that seemed a little bit more than platonic about him?
Ryuji had always thought he was only into crazy hot girls who looked like models, just like Ann, actually — but now that he was thinking about it for real, he wasn't into Ann at all. She felt more like a sister or a bro to him than anything, and the thought of her being more than that suddenly filled him with disgust. His Persona seemed completely normal around hers too, and, sure, even though Carmen was cool as hell and a real looker at that, it always felt different with Arsène.

Ryuji's thoughts trailed over to Akira’s Persona instead. Arsène might actually be the perfect gentleman, or even better than that, the embodiement of elegance itself! While his Captain was badass and tough-looking, Arsène was absolutely classy. Any action he took seemed carefully thought-out, and tasteful at that. Now that he considered it, it seemed to him that Arsène was kinda flamboyant too ; I mean, if the ridiculously high top hat and the sizeable black wings did not give it away, the huge boots with blades acting as stiletto heels made it strikingly obvious. Yet, it still was refined and dainty. Ryuji had no idea how the dude could achieve all that. Tch, what a show-off! How could he even walk like that, let alone fight in that?
Yes, there was no denying that Arsene was flashy in everything he did. Successfully lockpicking an intricate chest or ambushing a tough enemy around a corner almost always resulted in the same outcome — a loud and roaring laughter of satisfaction that would thunder in every corner of the room. One might have found themselves annoyed at what may appear as excessively arrogant, but Ryuji couldn't stop himself from thinking that it was quite charming as he would feel his heart hammering in his chest everytime it happened. Gosh, he wouldn't trade that feeling for the world, and, as he could tell from Captain's fidgeting motion, he wasn't the only one. Yeah, basically Ryuji totally knew why his Captain was so fond of the guy, ‘cuz anyway, who other than their handsome leader could better represent the Phantom Thieves?
Ryuji blushed at the thought and scratched his head in embarrassment. Yeah, Akira sure was a handsome-looking guy, of course all the ladies would throw themselves at him, and who could blame them, he thought — even though everything his female classmates did at the moment was spread awful rumors and avoid him like the plague — but Ryuji was so caught up in his sudden gay panic that he did not stop one second to reevaluate the flawed logic of his clouded mind.
Akira somehow always looked effortlessly charming, like he didn't do it on purpose. But there was no way he couldn't know, right? The way he played with the dark strands of hair in front of his eyes when he was bored... that hypnotizing gesture itself was enough to make Ryuji go out of his mind. There was such a gap between Joker in the Metaverse and Akira in the real world that Ryuji speculated that what he concealed under his fake glasses was way more than just a faint glint of insolence burning in these gray eyes. It turned out that Akira did not need glasses at all — the blond noticed he actually had 10/10 vision when he showed up for the Volleyball Rally without them. Ryuji still remembered the defiant glare he gave Kamoshida when the teacher deliberately hit the ball in their direction with all his might.

Urghh, that image in his mind could actually make him go insane. He placed his hands onto his face then ran them through his short hair as he silently screamed and rolled to the side. He decided he'd sort that out the following day. He grabbed his phone, typed something for a few seconds and hit 'send'. He put his phone back down, lay back into his bed, staring at the ceiling, hoping that this time he'd quickly fall asleep.

***

Akira was surprised to find a text message from Ryuji the following day when he woke up. It simply said "wanna hang tmrw ?" but it was enough to make him smile at the prospect. However that warmth quickly turned into a tickling feeling of anxiety as he remembered their awkward situation. At the very least, Ryuji didn't completely hate him to the point that he would stop spending time with him. That thought felt a bit reassuring.

Akira genuinely wanted to salvage his friendship with the blond.
...friendship, who was he kidding? He was sure Morgana actually noticed his stupid grin a few seconds prior, but was only pretending to sleep right now out of politness.

Sure enough, Akira had really put himself in a very uncomfortable position, it was actually kinda bad. Usually, Akira always seemed to maintain some kind of control over everything, especially while he was in the Metaverse. Arsène definitely revealed some parts of himself that layed dormant. While in there, he felt all the more bolder and confident, but just how could it cause his Arsène to kiss Ryuji's Captain out of the blue?
Sure, Akira had often let his thoughts wander in that direction, thinking about how Ryuji's lips would feel againts his, and maybe that was what had happened that day too, he was not actually sure, the memory stayed hazy in his mind. The point being that he had made a mistake. He had mistakenly thought that he was being discrete about his fantasies, but his mask could not fool himself or the world anymore.

Akira kind of always knew he was into men, he quickly noticed growing up that his interests differed from his classmates'. Thus, he learned how to blend in and followed that motto during his school years.

But the night he witnessed that woman getting harrassed, something changed in him. He knew he could no longer stay on the sideline nor stay silent. He had to take action, he would not have it any other way. Blending in now seemed cowardly.
If defying unjust authority meant standing out, he would do it anyway. This determination fuelled him and his Persona, and made Arsène all the more unapologetic.

Yet the last thing he had wanted was to embarrass his best friend.
Ryuji was unfortunately openly and loudly straight. The blond could not pass the occasion to comment on some girl's cute looks as they crossed paths in the streets or a model's long legs on the billboards at the metro station. At first, Akira didn't really mind, but as they grew closer, it started to weigh on him a little but he kept quiet about it. After all, they had better things to do than to find girlfriends.
He only realized later on why Ryuji's comments were bothering him. Right, he wished they were about him. 'Better keep dreaming then' he had thought.

Akira thus concluded his musing with the resolution to apologize once more for Arsène's behavior. His attraction for the blond could not ruin their friendship or their effort as Phantom Thieves. They had to patch things up for their team, too. They could not afford to lose any more time on their mission.

***

In the end, they had agreed to meet at Akira's favorite diner in Shibuya. The two guys were sitting across at a booth together, but the atmosphere was tense.
Akira could tell Ryuji was anxious — his leg was bouncing uncontrollably, he kept bringing his hand to his hair, and his gaze would not meet his. Ryuji did try to keep up a conversation, but it was going nowhere. They could talk about awful teachers and bad grades all they wanted, but it would never ease the awkwardness between them. When at some point, the blond accidentally kicked Akira's leg in his motion, he had to look up. And the eyes he met there were absolutely terrifying. He knew that gaze, it was one he had seen in the Metaverse. The one Joker would use to negociate with Shadows, a look that would completely incapacitate the adversary, make them surrender within seconds. There was no way he'd be able to bullshit his way out of this. The only thing he could do was to be honest.

In that moment, Ryuji felt completely bare, unable to conceal his own feelings. He couldn't run, couldn't hide anymore. Akira had him completely vulnerable. Figured out. He wasn't really sure what it meant, but maybe, just maybe, he felt like reaching out to him. Maybe he could trust him to find a way to understand what was happening to him.
After a few seconds, Akira actually spoke. "dude, I can see that you're bothered by my presence. Don't try to deny it. I think We need an honest talk." He looked around. "...maybe we should have that conversation somewhere else though. My place?"
Ryuji could only slowly nod.

***

So there they were, in Sojiro Sakura's attic. It was slowly starting to look more like a teen's bedroom rather than an old, dusty storeroom. Ryuji usually felt at ease there, far away from the city's restlessness, as if time was frozen in place. The afternoons he and Akira would spend there always felt natural, innate. In there, he did not have to hide behind his tough-guy appearance. He was safe, maybe for the first time in his life.

 

However, this time, Ryuji could not relax a notch. He was scared that Akira would throw him out and tell him to never speak to him again if he poured his heart out.
That would definitely be the end of his world.
He did not know if he could ever recover from that.

 

He noticed he was spacing out, snapped out of it and focused his attention back onto Akira.

The raven-haired boy sat down on the bed, sighed loudly before turning his gaze to the blond. Then, he spoke up.
"It's about what happened the other day, right?"
He looked to the side, realizing he might have to be a bit more precise. "what happened... in the safe room?"

Ryuji jumped.
"No!"
Ugh, who was he kidding, he'd have to tell the truth at this point.
"I- I mean, yeah, maybe..."

Akira had a pained expression on his face.
"I'm sorry, you know, I really don't know why Arsène did that. I swear, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'll try to stop him from doing that, but I guess we still don't know a lot about the Metaverse."

Ryuji narrowed his eyes. "You mean... you have absolutely no idea why he did that?"

Akira seemed taken aback this time. He was the one being cornered now.
"W-what, what do you mean by that?"

Ryuji took a step closer. "You are the leader of the Phantom Thieves. Out of any of us, you're the one who is the most at ease with handling your Persona, and that has always been true, from day one. Don't try to deny it, I was there to witness it. I'm having a hard time believing Arsène would disobey you. Were you afflicted by a status ailment?"

Akira looked to the side.
"No... none that I am aware of" he conceded.

Ryuji nodded.
"Uh-uh, that's what I thought. Then why did you do that?"

The raven-haired boy furrowed his brows.
"What do you mean, why did I do that? Arsène did it on his own, I never commanded him to! I would never do that to you, I mean, I know you're not into that-"

Ryuji took another step in his direction. Akira tried to take a step back, but he was now pressed againts the wall. Ryuji got even closer and grabbed him by the collar. Gosh, was he about to punch him? Akira closed his eyes in anticipation, waiting for the blow to hit him.

But instead, he felt the blond's breath on his face, as he spoke quietly in his ear.
"Who said I wasn't into that?"

Akira could not believe his ears.
"W-what?"

"Don't make me repeat myself." Ryuji could see the way Akira's eyes darted from his eyes to his mouth.
"I know you're dying to kiss me right now. If Arsène was there, he woud have done it already."

These words finally triggered a reaction in Akira, who quickly got over his initial surprise and brought Ryuji's face to his. Their lips met as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Yup, kissing his best friend was definitely not in his bingo card of what he'd end up doing in the big city this year.

In each other's arms they'd stopped holding back, as if it could make up for all the time they had lost and all the words they had suppressed.
Ryuji's hand grabbed Akira's raven hair as the brunette opened up his mouth to deepen the kiss. At that point, they were completely pressed against the wall and kept going until both of them were out of breath.

They parted reluctantly, and stared at each other. Their faces were red, and they were definitely a little sweaty.

Ryuji was the first one to speak.
"I can't believe that happened. Wow."
"What do you mean, "you can't believe that happened? YOU were the one to press me up againts the wall."
"Yeah, I don't know what came over me." the blond said, noting in the back of his mind the faint tingle of electricity across his whole body.
"You actually really wanted to kiss me??" He asked, a big grin on his face.

Akira put his hands on Ryuji's shoulders.
"dude. We just kissed. For several minutes."

"Yeah yeah, I know, but you're into me like that??" Ryuji seemed more and more excited, as if he was only realizing now what all of that meant.

"Well, yes, how could I not? You're the most gorgeous dude I've laid eyes on, I could go on for days about your strong arms, your defined abs and your a-" Yup, Akira definitely went for the brutally honest approach.

Ryuji elbowed him and wiggled out of his grasp. "Dude! You'll make me blush, stop, oh my god!"

Akira fished his phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen.
"Most importantly, I think you should take a look at the time. At what time is the last train scheduled again?"

"WHAT?" Ryuji yelled, wide-eyed as he grabbed his phone. "Okay, sorry, gotta go, bye!" He quickly gathered all his stuff and went out the door, waving at the other boy standing in the café.

Ryuji's absence immediately filled the room, as Akira walked up to the sink to wash the dishes they had used. However, a few minutes later, he felt his phone's vibration in his pocket.

It was Ryuji.

"btw i forgot to ask, what are we now???"

Akira promptly wrote a reply.
"boyfriends? if you're willing."

Ryuji responded with three thumbs up.

Then a heart emoji.

Sure, that was corny as hell but being a hopeless romantic, Akira cracked a fond smile, and he swore he could almost hear a thundering laughter across the café.

***

A few days later, the same scene happened again.
Arsène grabbed Captain by the waist and dipped him in an over-the-top fashion before delicately bringing his toothy smile onto Captain Kidd's bony jaws.
Except this time, Ryuji and Akira were doing the same on the Safe Room banquette, as the raven-haired boy was peppering kisses all over the blond's face.
And sure enough, Captain Kidd was undoubtedly purring.

Carmen, unimpressed at the PDA, threw a thorny rose at the newly-formed couple.
"Oh my god, get a room you two!!" Ann shouted. "If I had known it would turn out like this, I would never have helped you!"
Morgana sighed. "Even without your help Lady Ann, it was bound to happen. C'mon, let's get out of here."

Akira gave them an apologetic look.
"Sorry, sorry, I got carried away. But can you blame me when my boyfriend has such an adorable face?" he said as he grabbed Ryuji's cheeks in his hand.
Ryuji turned red with embarrassment. "dude, I told you to stop that!! Okay, we're ready, let's go."

In a flash, Ryuji was out the door, Captain following him closely — though the pirate still formed a heart with its fingers before walking out, to which Arsène, of course, responded with a wink and bowed down with elegance.

"aaand Skull left without his bandana. Again." Ann commented.

Thus, the Phantom Thieves still had a long way to go. But they would manage for sure. They were the Phantom Thieves after all!

Notes:

Ok that was not 'soon', sorry for that lol
Still hope you enjoyed it!

my boy Ryuji can't take compliments someone save him

also maybe i should have used their metaverse nicknames more idk it felt weird to do so
and i forgot i had meant for morgana to have a bigger role, now he’s just kinda there sorry baby i still love him tho