Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was a beautiful Tuesday morning in the Other World, sunny and warm. Another year had begun, officially, meaning new students, new minds to take care of, to teach, to help, and to educate… It didn’t thrill Farah that much though. It was a surprising feeling for her, not being excited to be back to the school. But she knew why she was experimenting that. Because of her.

Recently, Farah had found a changeling in the First World, a teenage girl. She hadn’t been looking for her, but while she was traveling in the USA, she had felt her, well, her powers, burning and vibrating through her entire body. Such a powerful fairy couldn’t be a human’s child, it was impossible.

Of course, Farah hadn’t mentioned this to Bloom. The poor girl had gone through so much already, it wasn’t probably the best time to tell her that her parents weren’t her parents. Still, she will have to reveal her the truth, soon.

Glaring through the window of her office, she smiled a bit, seeing Saul and Sky training together, while Riven was probably making some shitty comment about his friend. It was always pleasant to see them together like that, in their father-and-son mode. To observe the love and tenderness they held for each other. It was also a little painful. A sharp reminder that she could have had that happiness. But fate had decided she wasn’t worthy of it.

Tears burnt in her eyes as she thought about that time, when things had seemed to be okay, when they clearly hadn’t been. Rosalind, Andreas, Aster Dell, and… Another loss.

She shook her head, not wanting to think about it again. It had occurred sixteen years ago, it was history now. She had other things to focus on, like repairing the window students had broken by thinking controlling a fireball was easy.

“Those teenagers…” she thought, wiping the single tear that had succeeded to leave her hazel eyes and went back to work. Work was always a solution to her. Simple, methodical, unpersonal.

The day went on, giving Farah a terrible headache. Definitely, she couldn’t find any advantage of being a mind fairy and she wondered what she had possibly done to the Universe to be damned at birth by such a malediction. This power, the ability of hearing people’s thoughts, feeling people’s feelings... Sometimes, she just wanted to put her powers on off, to be able to think on her own, not being overwhelmed by everybody else. Just to be alone in her own head.

She sighed at that though. She would never be alone in her own head, because he was there.

Saul and her shared that bond, the fairy-specialist bond. That cord between their hearts and souls was stronger than anything in the World. They could feel each other emotions all the time, especially when they weren’t in the same room, in the same place. And although she would time to time wish that bond could just disappear, it was her solace. The bond gave her a feeling of strength when she was weak. A feeling of normality when she was lost. She knew she would never be alone and that was reassuring, to know that he will never let her down, on her own.

But unfortunately, the bond also restrained her from totally moving on him. It had been a really long time now. Yet, the feelings were still there, in the corner of her mind, in every fiber of her body. And every time he was smiling at her, touching her, looking at her, it got harder to remember why she had decided to end up their relationship.

But a glance on Sky and the memories came back, the anger too. Not a terrible anger, but a sufficient one to prevent her from falling back in his arms. She didn’t want that, she didn’t want them to be what they’re used to be. They were friends now, and things were perfect this way. She had the blues of him sometimes, but it will pass, it always passed. Just like winter…

Fortunately, Farah wasn’t as emotional as she used to be. The sadness of not sleeping next to him every night will only last few seconds before she reasoned herself, the image of what he had done vivid in her spirit, helping her. She had to forget her feelings for him. She had decided to give up on them fifteen years ago, she had to stick to it. Even if it physically hurts every now and then.

She shook her head, took a deep breath and got back in her work. She had still so many things to do. Sometimes, she would think that those Labors of Hercules were too easy. She could have slayed the Lernaean Hydra, captured Cerberus. Hell, she could even have cleaned the Augean stables before noon! No, paperwork! That was a real and endless labor. When she thought it was over, here it came again, and again… She shouldn’t be complaining about it, it was part of the job, but it didn’t mean she had to like it.

The pain wouldn’t pass though, it got even worse by the minutes. She tried to massage her temples, drank a herbal tea, closed her eyes for a few minutes. The discomfort remained, persistent, unshakable, aggravating.

Sighing, Farah illuminated her hazel eyes. She tried to magically push the pain away, but it was harder than she thought. Something was wrong. It didn’t feel like the little headaches she got used to by the years. It was strong, vibrant, and at the same time, familiar. The last time she had felt a pain like that was during her last fight with a—

With a Burned One

Raising abruptly from her desk, she grabbed her coat and went on her way to find her specialist. She hoped she was wrong. But unfortunately, she wasn’t wrong often.

***

“You’re sure about it?” he asked her for the third time since they had left the school, searching for the little Burned One she was feeling in the back of her mind.

“Yea Saul! How many times will you ask me that?!” she yelled in anger, why was it so hard for him to just trust her?

“Sorry Fa, it’s just a bit hard to believe, the last time we saw a Burned One was—”

“Sixteen years ago, yea, I remember this perfectly, Saul! But you have to remember that I’m a mind fairy, I can feel it, it’s there, near us…” she affirmed energetically, turning all around her to make sure it wasn’t there, ready to attack them.

“Well, I guess I’m asking because I’ve never hoped that much you were wrong, Fa” he admitted, a little worried. Not for him of course, but for her. He couldn’t care less about his own safety, not when his fairy was there, next to him, possibly in danger. Those creatures weren’t just disturbing ones. They were life-threatening monsters, only seeking carnage and destruction. Desolation and chaos.

“Yes, me too” she muttered, coming to stand right next to him, overlooking for the monster giving her trouble to work.

A noise of cracking made them both look behind them, Saul’s hands instinctively coming on his sword and in front of Farah. The headmistress of Alfea illuminated her eyes again, ready to face their assailant. Well, as ready as she could be in that moment. They used to train to fight those beasts, but it was a lifetime ago. They weren’t so young anymore, so fast and agile…

Before they had time to react, the thing came out of nowhere and jump on them. Saul pushed her to the grown and fell to the floor. That was it, she was right, once again. A Burned One, right in front of them. The specialist stood up quickly, took his sword in his hands and rushed towards the creature, hoping he hadn’t lost all his skills and techniques. But that strange monster was faster than him, a lot faster.

Farah stood up on the floor and used her magic to disorient it a bit. However, she had forgotten on little detail: It wasn’t a good idea to enter a Burned One’s mind. They weren’t human, they were monsters, thinking aggressively and wanting only one thing: to destroy every piece of life all around them. Their minds were a dangerous territory, a no man’s land, a place of agony. Farah knew this, deep down, she had just forgotten the pain it would bring her to use her mind control on it.

It hurt, it freaking hurt. But she didn’t care, she won’t let Saul risking his life to protect her without. She had never let him take all the risks, she wouldn’t begin now. She was not a damsel in distress, she was a soldier and the figurehead of Alfea. She could do this, she was trained to this. But she must admit, it didn’t hurt that much in her memories. She tried to close her eyes, to keep her grounded. The creature was resisting her, moving uncontrollably, giving her a hard time. It was uncontestable she had weakened with age. Twenty years ago, she could have done this effortlessly. She used to take three Burned Ones at the same time. And now, the pain was unbearable, shaking every bone in her body, every nerve in her brain. Saul had to move quickly, she wouldn’t be able to keep that on long.

“Farah! Stop this, you’ll hurt yourself!” he shouted at her, angry that she never took care of herself.

“Kill it! Then I would not suffer that much!” she screamed, her eyes shining with magic, magic and rage.

She was right, he had to end up her work, her agony. But that damned creature wouldn’t stop moving, from the pain Farah was inflicted it. Taking a moment to prepare his move, Saul took the opportunity and hit it on the side with his sword, making the creature yelled in distress. Getting his weapon out its burned flesh, the Headmaster of Alfea hit again and again, making sure it was really dead. It wouldn’t be the first time those things would pretend to be dead. The last time he hadn’t been careful enough, he had almost lost Farah.

When he was sure it was out of life, he came to Farah, who was now knelt on the ground, breathing loudly. Saul let his sword fall to the floor and put his hands on her shoulders, asking her if she was alright, annoyance in his voice. But she was too tired to listen to him nor hear him, she had to regain control of her breathing.

“Hey, Farah, Farah it’s alright, you’re alright” he said, putting his hands on hers, caressing the back of them with his thumbs, trying his best to soothe her.

It worked, as always. He had always been the one and only person able to calm her down, to reassure her, to erase her fears and her sadness. And nothing, no anger, no resentment nor grief will ever change that, whether she liked it or not.

He put her hands on his neck, guiding them to his pulse point to help her. He was so stupid, he knew that she wasn’t feeling well those days. Magic had revealed more difficult for her recently, without him knowing why. He knew she was keeping something from him, something sufficiently important that she didn’t want him to know. He didn’t push her, he never pushed her. When she will be ready, she will confess in him, again.

Slowly, when he felt that it was the right thing to do, he gently put his hands behind her head and pulled her towards him, resting her head on his chest, right on his heart. He unconsciously closed his eyes the moment her head made contact with his body. It felt so good to have her that close again. He will never get tired of this enchanted feeling of touching her, feeling the warmth of her body on him.

Farah let him, she hadn’t the force in her to fight him, especially when her only desire was to be close to him, to feel his fingers glided in her hair, pronouncing sweet words in her ear, trying his best to help her. It felt good, so good. It felt right.

“It’s okay, Farah, you’re okay…” he whispered in her hair, listening her breathing slowed, resisting the urge to plant a kiss on the crown of her head. It wouldn’t be appropriated. He was dying to, to do more than that actually. But he didn’t want to make her feel uneasy. This was the last thing he wanted.

After a few minutes like this, Farah finally gained the courage and the strength to pull back, she put her stern mask again and dared to look in his grey eyes, seeing only love, devotion and worry in them.

“I’m fine, Saul, don’t worry” she said, standing up and extending her hand for him to grab. Another touch, another feeling she had to control.

“That wasn’t smart of you! You shouldn’t have done this!” he patronized her, mad at her for putting herself in danger, again. That woman was so stubborn sometimes!

“Yea right, next time I will let you get yourself killed by a Burned One for not being careful! A thank you would have been better than a scolding for saving your life!” she insurrected herself, who did he think he was?

“First, I had everything under control. Second, so you thought that risking your own life would be a good idea!”

“Fine! You’re right, next time, I will let you die under that monster’s attack, so I won’t put myself in danger! Satisfied?” she asked, not giving him time to answer. She went back to the school, ready to inform Ben that they found a Burned One.

“What about the Burned One?” he screamed to her.

“Deal with it yourself, Einstein!” she yelled without shouting a glance at him.

He sighed, fully knowing that she will come back before he knew it, to burry it to the ground, so nobody will find it and get scared. Looking at her, he smiled.

‘That woman’ he thought, before running to her, like always.

Coming at her level, he admired her face silently. No matter the situation, no matter the time, she had always been the most beautiful woman he had ever met. She would argue she had lost all of her charm with age, but he disagreed. Age had just sublimized her beauty, making her look ethereal sometimes. Every now and then, he wondered if she had ever let anyone see that beauty. He had asked himself that question for years now, but deep down, he didn’t want to know. The only idea of her in someone else’s arms was enough to drive him mad. The only thing he wanted to be informed of was her safety. He was no longer her lover, but he was still her specialist.

He gave a little punch to her shoulder, seeing a glimpse of a smile on her face before it disappeared. In response, she just hit his arm, hard, earning a sincere laugh from him. She missed those times, when things were simple, when they were happy together, young and naïve. When there was no responsibility upon their shoulders. Those were great times.

“You seem preoccupied today, what’s on your mind?” he dared to ask, concerned about her wellbeing.

She adverted her stare from him, she didn’t want him to know what was bothering her, didn’t want him to worry. If the Burned Ones were back, they would have to focus on more important things.

“Nothing, don’t worry” she said, giving him a shy smile and keeping on walking straight.

‘’Far—‘’ he tried, but was interrupted by the ringing of his phone.

Looking at it, he saw it was message from Ben, telling them to come as soon as possible in the woods. There was apparently something they needed to see. Glaring at Farah, he showed her the text and sighed.

‘’Well, I’m sure we won’t be as surprised as he believes’’

‘’Yeah, it’s gonna be a very long year…’’ he complained.

Earlier

“So? Which one do you think is better?” Farah asked her guest, holding two dresses out.

Sky laughed sincerely. He will never understand women and their outfits issues. It’s not that he didn’t care about his looking, it wasn’t just his top priority. And every time Farah would ask him to come to her quarters to help her finding the dress for the beginning of the terms, he wondered why she kept doing this. He was no help at all!

“How could I know?” he responded, laughing out that laugh Farah and Saul loved so much, mocking and playful. “They would definitely fit you both!”

“Thanks, Sky, not helping at all!” she said, smiling at him and hitting his shoulder.

“You know that you’ll look great, no matter which one you’ll choose? But… if you want to impress a certain someone, you better take the red one, he loves red” Sky dared.
“Sky…” she warned him.

“Just an idea, I mean, it’s not like you and I don’t know how you feel about him” the young blond man told his almost-mother. “I’m not bonded to you and I still feel that something is bothering you, I can only imagine it involves him”

“My world does not turn around Saul you know” she said sternly.

“Not anymore, but it used to—”

“Sky! Please, I don’t want to fight with you right now. And he’s not what I was thinking about anyway” she tried to change the subject, not wanting to think about the man, her man.

“Then, what’s going on?” he demanded, it was never a good thing when Farah Dowling was concerned about something.

“Nothing that you need to worry about, sweetheart” she plastered a smile on her face, needing him to feel fine, not to worry about her nor anything else.

“You already said too much Farah, tell me, what’s on your mind?” he asked her, standing up, right in front of her.

She sighed heavily. She had not planned on telling him anything about Bloom nor Luna. She should have shut her mouth up.

“It’s just… the Queen is still harassing me and again doubting on my methods. She said that she will come a time in the year, to make sure that my work is still good and what she called ‘acceptable’. I guess it makes me feel a little worry, especially after what happened to Stella” she admitted, trying to avoid the Bloom part.

“It shouldn’t, I mean, forgive me for this, but the Queen’s just a bitch, you’ll survive her, you always do. Therefore, I conclude that it’s not what’s bothering you either. Will you tell me or should I make another suspicion about Saul—"

Oh Gods, anything but this again.

“It’s about a student, a young fire fairy I found in the First World” she blurred out, rather talking with her nephew/son about Bloom than Saul.

Sky’s brows furrowed, he didn’t except that answer, not getting where she wanted to go with that new information.

“And…”

“And… she’s sixteen years old, alone in the Human’s World. I mean, she has parents, but she’s just the single magic member of her family. You should have seen her, she was so scared, so fragile, not knowing anything about her magic, about her powers… and I just thought that…”

He didn’t need to hear more, he knew what she meant. He gently took her in his arms before she could do anything else and she was glad he did it. She didn’t allow anyone to get that close to her anymore, not even Saul. Well, especially Saul. It felt good though, to have someone who would be there for her like that. And she was happy that person was Sky.

Saul had done an amazing job by raising him. Sky was a gentle, kind, good and incredible boy. She wasn’t sure Andreas would have done such a pretty work if he had taken care of him. She felt an hint of proudness of him. She had participated to his education, not the way Saul would have wanted, but she had. Sky was the son she had never had and she was happy he felt the same.

Although, she didn’t know, but he didn’t only feel that way, he felt so much more. She had always been the only female figure he had in his life. To her, she was just his Aunt Farah. But to him, she was his mother Farah. He had never told her, not feeling that he needed too. Sky and Farah had never felt obliged to speak to understand each other. If she had a bond with Saul, a magical one, she had another one with Sky, a motherly one.

“Life is so unfair…” he muttered in her hair.

“Yes…” she muttered quietly, closing her eyes gently, feeling serene and safe.

In fact, he was the only kind of solace she had now. Well, the only kind she authorized herself to have. Sometimes, she longed for Saul’s presence, for his touch, for his smell… But she was stubborn, too stubborn to admit it.

“Did you tell him that? I mean… perhaps he could help you with it…” she smiled at his words. Whatever was going on, he would always make his possible to force them to talk to each other, to rely on each other the way they used to do.

“I will, don’t you worry”

Present time

“You should have killed it” he said sternly, still worried about her state.

“And left it in the Human world?” she answered.

“You should have brought it back here and then, killed it”

She sighed, exhausted. For a long time, she had thought they were safe. Apparently, she had been wrong, the threat of the Burned Ones wasn’t dead with Andreas, wasn’t imprisoned with Rosalind. They were still there, outside, running around like famished wolves, ready to attack whenever they could. It worried her so much, more than she cared to admit.

Turning to face him, she could not only see his angst, she could also feel it, leaking through their bond like a wild river. She understood him, if she had been in his shoes, she would not only have shouted at him. She didn’t like when he patronized her like that. But if she was honest with herself, she would have hated for him to go alone on a dangerous mission, without even telling her.

Meeting his eyes, she saw him exhaled from exhaustion and anxiety.

“Did it break your skin?” he asked, worried.

“No, I’m not infected” she reassured him, deep down loving his concern.

She went on, telling him about the need to get inside the Burned One’s head, to know if this was an isolated case or not. He wasn’t found of the idea, didn’t want her to be so exposed to this creature. But when she told him about that little changeling, he understood her motives. However, he will be there, with her. There was no way she was going to face this demon alone. He was her specialist, he had to protect her from this, from anything.

“It’s not an option Farah” he affirmed, more than determined.

She sighed, but nodded, he wouldn’t let that go anyway. They stared at each other for some time before Farah broke eye contact.

“It’s getting late, we should go to bed” she exposed, not feeling strong enough to hold his gaze any longer. She was weak and he was too close to her.

But before she could get anywhere, he grabbed her wrist, forcing her to turn around and pulled her into a warm embrace, one hand on her back, the other on her head, caressing her hair. She wanted to resist, but she couldn’t find any reason not to melt into his touch. She needed it, Gods, she needed it. She buried her head in the crook of his neck and breathed him in, closing her eyes, feeling safe for the first time today. He did the same, surprised by her reaction. Normally, when he tried to initiate a physical contact, she was reticent. She must have been really scared. He didn’t complain though, enjoying more than anything to have her in his arms, secured from everything.

Letting go of her body, he cupped her face, caressed her cheeks with his thumbs and stared in her hazel eyes, those eyes he loved so much. Those eyes he could die for. Farah watched him, wanting to see what his next move will be. A thing was certain, if he tried to kiss her right now, she wouldn’t be strong nor stubborn enough to resist. This would still be a bad idea, but she wouldn’t care.

Seeing his face nearing hers, she closed her eyes and waited to feel his velvet lips on hers. But nothing came, just his forehead resting against hers.

“Promise me you’ll be careful, Fa, please…” he muttered hotly, his breath caressing her face.

“I promise, don’t you worry, Saul” she murmured, putting her hands on his neck. She was feeling it, his concern, his devotion, his love. She was grateful for it, for every piece of it.

Feeling too hot all of a sudden, she kissed him on the cheek and wished him a good night before leaving him in her office.

He remained there for a moment, perhaps a half hour, putting two and two together. Of course she was feeling bad about that little changeling. She was about the same age, and all alone, just like they were since they had lost their daughter. He only hoped Farah wouldn’t get attached to the girl too much. Seeing her suffering was the last thing he wanted. But he had the feeling that this year wouldn’t be simple for them.

And he was so right.

Who could have imagined that in less than a year, the love of his life would be dead, buried in the graveyard by their old mentor, and that he will be in jail.

Chapter Text

Few weeks ago

She had to admit, the First World was truly the best place to go shopping. In her own World, there was magic. But in this one too, the shops, the food, the coffee! She had never drunk such a wonderful thing than the coffee she was having. And not for the first time, she wondered why Rosalind used to hate the Human World so much, saying that humans were weak and useless. They weren’t, they weren’t just aware of their true potential. This wasn’t their fault after all.

She took another sip of her cup, finishing it up, Gods it was so good! She really should bring some of it home. But at least this gave her a good reason to come here. This place had grown on her, surprisingly. Unlike her former mentor, she had never disliked the Human World, she was just not really found of it. Here, she wasn’t allowed to use her powers, which was extremely hard for her. Magic was like a second nature to her, like breathing.

She stood up to leave and gave the waitress a kind glare. When she was about to reach the door, the young girl called after her.

“Miss Dowling! Wait!” she said, handing her a new cup full of hot and divine coffee. Farah glared at her, confused, why was she offering her this? “You have accumulated enough points to have a free cup!” she answered her silent question, a wide smile on her face.

“Oh, well, in that case… Thank you very much, this is very kind of you!”

Getting out, she realized it was a bit chilly today, in California. She liked that country of the First World, well, this state of the USA, if she had understood correctly. She liked that it was near the sea and always sunny. Well, except for today, apparently. She would have loved to live there, when she was away from Alfea. It would be lovely, being all by herself, away from her World, without responsibilities, without her problems, without Luna! Maybe she should really think about it. She could buy a beach house and spend all of her free time in the First World, inviting Sky whenever he wanted to spend the holidays with her. She could also invite Ben and Saul, if they wanted to. She smiled softly, this was, indeed, a charming perspective.

Getting another sip of this delicious mixture, a detail caught her eyes, there was something written on the cup. She turned it a bit and her eyes opened wide, seeing a phone number, Grace’s number in fact. Her number and a little message under it:

“Anytime and whatever u want”.

Farah blushed madly. What could she have done to get the young waitress’ interest? Had she said something that could have made her think that she was into women? Whatever it could have been, it wasn’t intentional.

Well, that was unexpected, certainly not unpleasant, but unexpected. Shooting a quick glance at the window, she saw her through the glass and wondered. Maybe… maybe she should let herself be tented by such a beautiful and young girl. It wouldn’t hurt, it could be quite good in fact. Perhaps, it could help her to forget him, help her not to think about him every single night! But she won’t do that. Not because she didn’t want to ease her pain with this young brunette girl. But it would be unfair, she was innocent in this. She couldn’t play with her. She couldn’t let herself get pleased by her, while thinking about Saul. She had done that plenty of times, enough of it.

Farah took a deep breath and went away, cursing herself for even thinking about Saul. She was tired of him invading her mind without even knowing it. Tired of feeling this way, all the time. Tired of not being able to stick by what she had chosen a long time ago. She was on the verge, almost ready to find her specialist and to tell him how sorry she was. But she would never do that, she was too proud, and too ashamed of herself. She will just go deeper and deeper in her mistake, till she died, sad, alone and without his love.

But after everything she had done, it was just fair, just what she deserved.

Ready to go back to the Other World, she felt something in the back of her mind, something almost imperceptible. It was magic, a strong type. She turned around, trying to see the source of that powerful magnetic pull, but saw nothing, just humans. She closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on the source, she couldn’t illuminate her eyes here, it would be strange to anyone and she didn’t need to get attention, she had had too much for today…

She breathed out and focused on the feeling. It was there, not far away. She opened her eyes and quickly glance around. Seeing that no one was there, she glowed her eyes and followed confidently the source of the magic. She hadn’t paid too much attention to her surroundings, not until she was facing a strange cabin in the woods. Putting her eyes back to their real color, she took a look of the environment around her and frowned her eyebrows. What kind of magic could radiate from such a rudimental construction?

If Saul had been there, yeah Saul again, he would have told her that it was clearly reckless to enter such an unsecured place, alone. But, fortunately, Saul Silva wasn’t here to scold and overprotect her. She gently pushed the door open and was welcomed by a scared someone, a redhead girl.

Surprised and terrified that this place belonged to the woman standing in front of her, the young teenager grabbed her bag and put it on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry! I-I… I just thought that…”

“Do not you worry, I don’t own this place” Farah told her calmly, feeling her fear, without even trying to. That young woman was a bundle of energy, a strong mix of contradictory emotions.

“Oh shit! I mean, you scared me so much!” the girl said, smiling softly.

“I can see that” Farad assured her, a warm smile on her lips, reassuring the teenage girl. “Though, if you don’t mind me saying, you seem a bit young to be living here, all by yourself” her tone wasn’t judgmental, just observing, and the girl felt it.

“Oh, hum, well, it’s… it’s better this way…”

“What do you mean? Is that better for you… or for someone else?” Farah tried not to read her mind to find her answers, she couldn’t invade her personal space that way.

The young girl fell silent. She didn’t know that lady, she won’t sit there and tell her everything about her like she was her shrink. Yet, she felt weirdly familiar, soothing. Judging by her look, she must be British. She knew it was stupid to assume that, but she had always imaging British people to be just like her, righteous, calm, regal even. In her own head, she saw two different worlds opposing while facing her. Her own world, blown up, messy and trashy. And that woman’s world, peaceful, reasonable and noble. It wasn’t entirely false, but her qualificatives were inaccurate. She would discover this sooner rather than later.

“What is your name?” Farah asked, but seeing the reticence in her young eyes, the Headmistress smiled a bit. “Sorry, I didn’t want to scare you or to be impolite, my name is Farah Dowling, nice to meet you” she said, extending her hand for her to grab.

Grinning a bit, the young girl grabbed her palm and shook it: “my name is Bloom, Bloom Peters, nice to meet you Miss Dowling”

Present day

Farah couldn’t erase Bloom’s words from her mind. How could she have been so stupid?! Of course she should have told her that she was a changeling! She must admit she hadn’t seen it coming. She had been far from imagining that someone would understand. And at her excuse, it had been hard to anticipate.

She understood she should have been honest with the little fire fairy. But as she had told the girl a few hours ago, she hadn’t wanted to say too much, to give her the time acclimatize to… this, her new life as a fairy. She couldn’t even begin to imaging what Bloom must be feeling. As terrible as childhood had been for her, she had always known what she was, what she could do, what kind of danger she represented to the other. She had truly thought doing the appropriate thing with Bloom. But apparently, she had been wrong, and she hated it. She only wanted her to be fine, to feel fine, protected and safe.

She put her hands on her head and sighed, Bloom was bringing her too many emotions. And it was hard for her to cope with all of this. Farah had never been an emotional person, she was more a “reason” person, as Saul used to say. Of course, she was a mind fairy, she had had to learn quickly to protect herself from emotions and thoughts, even from her own. She could appear as someone extremely cold, but she wasn’t. Like everybody, she had emotions, she just chose not to show them, a protective mechanism she guessed.

But it was euphemistic to say it was becoming harder and harder for her to deal with all of this. She needed a distraction from this, she needed something to put her mind off. She took her phone and began looking for distraction, a brunette distraction. After sending the message, she sighed. She felt guilty sometimes, felt like she was using her for her own and selfish desire. Of course, she was giving Grace pleasure, she had never been a passive lover. But every now and then, she was wondering if the young woman was not wanting more from her. Something she could never give her.

She was relieved when Callum came in to show her some papers, it would distract her from her own thoughts, exactly what she needed right now. Although, she would have rather dealed with something more interesting than the cafeteria budget and the repairs she needed to pay because of a bunch of reckless first years. Those teenagers…

Getting through it, she felt something extremely strange in the back of her mind. A strange mix of anxiety and pain. She closed her eyes for a second and focused on it. Saul. It was Saul’s feelings. What had happened? Was he alright? Was he injured? She knew it! She shouldn’t have let him go all by himself! She should have come with him! Whatever he had said, that stubborn specialist! Frustrated and worried, she tried to reach him through the bond, but her calls remained unanswered. What was he doing? Why was he keeping her away? Getting angrier by the second, she gave it another try, shouting through their magical link, ordering him to talk to her.

Suddenly, Beatrix rushed into her office, uninvited, of course, telling her everything she needed to hear. Feeling Saul’s barriers lower, she entered his mind and immediately felt an intense and sharp pain in her back and shoulder, taking her breath away for a second. She had forgotten what it felt like, wondering how. This pain was unforgettable.

As best as her body was allowing her, she stood up and went straight to her specialist, not caring about Callum’s surprised glare, nor his calls. Nothing mattered at this right moment, only him, only Saul. Always Saul.

‘Fucking creature!’ she thought, they would never get rid of them. It was her fault, hers only. She should have listened to him, she should have removed it quickly, she should have killed it. Saul couldn’t pay for her mistakes, not again.

Entering the greenhouse without bothering herself to knock, she saw that Sky and Terra were there, around her hurt specialist. Sky looked so scared, feeling like his whole world was falling apart. It was so normal for him to think that way. Saul was his father, the one who had raised him. Sky was too young to remember Andreas. He had lost a father, he couldn’t lose the other. And Farah would make sure of that. She couldn’t do this to her little one.

“Guys, could we have the room please, we’ll keep you informed” Saul pleaded, extremely weakly, it was unbearable for Farah to hear it, to feel it.

Sky glanced at Farah, waited for her confirmation. If Saul had raised him, Farah had always been a sort of lifeline to him, a lighthouse in the night. Whenever he would get scared, he would always run to her for comfort. And nothing had changed, right now, he needed her to reassure him, to tell him, wordlessly that his dad was going to be okay. She quickly nodded her head, silently telling him that everything would be fine.

The teenagers did as they were told, leaving Farah, Ben and her poor Saul alone. Farah quickly took him on her lap, feeling a huge weight leaving his body as she did so. But what he told them didn’t ease her nerves at all. Someone had released the Burned One on purpose. But why? Why would someone do this? And who for that matter? Whoever it was, she’s going to make him or her pay for this, hurting Saul, putting his life in danger, scaring Sky…

“I need to get more Zambaq, Farah, you look after him?” Ben asked her, feeling like they both needed this moment together. The botanist had always been aware of what was going on between his friends, of course he had. Farah had been pregnant with Saul’s child after all. They had gone on separated road. But their story wasn’t over, only a fool wouldn’t be able to see it.

Farah nodded her head and took her specialist’s hand in hers, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

“Hey, look at me, Fa” he pleaded. Their bond wasn’t unilateral, if she could feel his pain, so could he. And right now, he didn’t know who was suffering the most.

Finally, she met his grey eyes, reddened by his already high fever and the rotten infection. He could see it all, her regret, her guilt, building in her mind, her tortured mind. He could feel it, through the bond and through her grip.

“Hear me out, Dowling, it’s not your fault, you have to believe in that” he said through sharp breaths. He meant it, not only wanting to comfort her. It was his entire fault, he should have been more careful. He knew too well that a Burned One wasn’t a tiny and sweet little creature. It was a monster, a savage creature, as simply as that. Farah wasn’t responsible, he was.

“You were right, I should have killed it, I should have gone with you—” he cut her off.

“No, Fa, that’s where you’re wrong. If you have been there, I would have focused on one thing and one thing only, protecting you, making sure that you weren’t in danger, that you were okay, and it could have gone even worse than that” he muttered, wanting to erase all doubts from her mind.

She said nothing, feeling too guilty and sad to fight with him right now, already fighting against her own tears. She slowly leaned in, closing the gap between them and resting her forehead against his, needing his closeness. She could feel his breath on her mouth and the sweat leaving his skin because of his injuries.

“I’ll go after it, I’ll find it” she whispered, her eyes still closed.

“No, you won’t do that! You won’t risk your life for—”

“For you? I would do it every day if I have to, I won’t let you die like that, without fighting. You’re in this position because of me, I won’t let you down again” she yelled-whispered, ready to face an army of Burned Ones if she had to, she didn’t care.

“Farah…” he begged her, putting his hand in her hair, stroking it gently.

“I can’t have you dying, I simply can’t. Don’t ask me to watch you die slowly without fighting till my last breath to save your life, you’re too important to me, to Sky. He needs you, we both do” she declared him, letting go of the tears she’d been keeping since the moment she’d entered the greenhouse.

“Farah, I can handle this, endure the pain the Burned One inflicted me. But you… if something would happen to you, I wouldn’t be able to move on…” he confessed, for the first time in fifteen years, he couldn’t carry this burden anymore.

“Saul…” she cried softly over him.

“Please, please let our soldiers do it, let them find the Burned One, don’t risk your life, Farah. Please, please, my love, promise me you won’t go outside. Stay, stay with me, I need you there, with me…” he was on a roll, couldn’t stop his confession, and he would do anything to prevent her from putting a toe outside to find this beast.

“Okay…, okay, I stay with you, I stay with you, Saul. I promise, love” she said, kissing his forehead tenderly, caressing his hair.

***

“We have to do something!” he shouted at her, feeling terrified and useless.

Farah had left Saul to Ben’s care, Sky and her needed to talk, somewhere Saul wouldn’t hear them argue about his safety and the best way to catch the Burned One and kill it.

“And we are going to, Sky, we won’t just go running after the Burned One!” she told him, feeling as helpless as he was.

“You agreed on this?! I didn’t think he could soften you that way!”

“Tone!”

“You’re not my Headmistress here, you’re my aunt, Farah! I don’t care about been rude to you! I want you to do something to help me! To go outside and hunt with me the creature which is killing your lover!” his eyes were red with rage, he couldn’t believe that she will obediently stay there, waiting for Saul to die slowly, in agony.

“Without him I won’t be able to do anything! He’s not only my partner, Sky! He’s my bonded one! He’s in my head, all the time! I won’t be efficient out there if he’s not with me! How do you think it makes me feel?! Useless and incompetent to protect him!” she screamed, feeling so bad, so alone. She needed him like fishes need water to live, and he was slowly abandoning her.

She distanced herself from the young man, not wanting him to see her in such a pathetic state. She had always hated pity, she wasn’t going to take that from Sky at all people. She turned her back to him, putting her hands on her desk and sighed. Why life was always so cruel to her? Hadn’t she suffered enough for a lifetime? Hadn’t she lost enough?

Images flouted through her mind, memories of Saul and her, of their long lost happiness. They had been so happy before… before they had lost her. Trying to suffer less, she had decided to distance herself from him. Oh! What kind of terrible choice was that? Why had she done that? If she could travel back in time, she would prevent them from falling apart. She would do anything to preserve their relationship, to save their love.

She heard Sky’s footsteps coming to her and felt his hands squeezing her shoulders apologizingly. She put one of her hands on his, exhaling sharply.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have shouted at you, it’s not your fault” he reassured her.

“I should have listened to him, I should have taken it away, I should have killed it right away. He wouldn’t be suffering that much if I have acted wisely” she blamed herself, uncapable of thinking straight when it involved hm.

Knowing that there was nothing he could tell or do to make her feel better, Sky just hugged her from behind, kissing her cheek to comfort her. He had grown up with her, got raised by her. He knew the woman he loved like a mother enough not to say anything right now. When she was bashing herself for nothing, there was only one person able to make her stop, and this person was actually getting healed by Professor Harvey.

“I want to help him, we need to help him, Aunt Farah” he confessed her, more calmly, feeling like an ass for putting it all on her. She was just trying to protect them both, as usual.

“I know, honey, we’re going to help him, by staying by his side. I will put my best team on this case, I promise you they’ll find the Burned One and eliminate it” she muttered.

He nodded his head, resting it on her shoulder, needed his mother’s closeness more than anything right now.

***

Farah had just hung up, informing Marco and Noora, her best pair, that they will need to find a Burned One. She had added that Headmaster Silva’s life was between their hands, they mustn’t fail. She knew she was putting a lot of pressure on them, but she couldn’t care less. Saul’s life was on the verge, nothing else mattered, except for Sky’s safety. She sat loudly at her desk, feeling extremely heavy all of the sudden.

People used to say that she was one of the most powerful fairies of the Other World. She just wanted to laugh at them for that shitty comment. She didn’t care, unlike her predecessor, about pride and power. Her magic hadn’t been strong enough to save her loved one. It was pointless, just like a life without him.

She couldn’t even imagine it, a life where Saul wouldn’t be by her side. She had known him for so long. He was a part of her life, a part of her. She let her head fall in her hands end breathed deeply. She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t stay there, docile and apathic.

A knock on her door surprised her, who could that be this late? She permitted the intruder to come in and got quite surprised when she saw glimpses of red wavy hair walking to her. Of course it would be her.

“How is he?” she asked her.

“Hurt, infected, resigned” she confessed without any sense of reserve, not caring about telling her details of her specialist’s current state.

“But… but Professor Harvey can heal him? Can’t he?” Bloom tried again, hoping the answer will be a yes.

Farah just sighed again. She had spent her entire day doing it. If she had been in front of a wind turbine, she would have been able to give an entire city enough electricity to survive for few days. (Farah didn’t exactly know how a wind turbine worked).

“There is only one thing that could heal him, Bloom, the death of this beast” she admitted, defeated.

“Then, why are we still here? We just have to go out there, find the Burned One and kill it!” Bloom reasoned as if killing a Burned One was as simple as killing a spider stuck in its own web.

Farah laughed bitterly at her words, if life could be that simple! She was trying her best not to feel resentment towards the girl in front of her. She had the bad impression that Bloom, by running away like she had done, had, in a certain way, led the Burned One to them. She shouldn’t be thinking that way. The only responsible was that coward who had freed the creature.

“No, Bloom, we won’t do that, I sent some people after him. They are trained and ready to face such a brutal and unhuman creature. Silva asked me to remain here, to protect you all. As for you, you’re going to stay patiently here, and not doing anything stupid, for once” she ordered her rudely. She was angry, she was scared, not in the mood to control her emotions.

“Okay, sorry for proposing my help, next time I will leave you to it, all by yourself” Bloom said angrily. She didn’t know why, but she couldn’t bear Miss Dowling’s indifference towards her. She wanted to impress her, for her to be proud of her at some point. And it may seem stupid and totally irrational, but she was seeking her love. She didn’t know why, just that she needed it.

Farah didn’t say anything, she just glared at her, anger present in her eyes. However, she didn’t answer her provocation, she didn’t want to hurt Bloom. She put her hand on her forehead and exhaled again.

“You’re right, I’m sorry, it’s nice of you to propose your help, but you saw what those beasts are capable of, I don’t want you to put yourself in danger” she explained her, not wanting to fight with the fire fairy right now.

“No, I am sorry, Miss Dowling, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like this, I’m just… worried about you” she confessed, playing with her hands to avoid the gaze of the strong Headmistress in front of her.

This caught Farah’s attention. She wasn’t the one the Burned One had attacked, why Bloom’s worries turned towards her, instead of Saul? She wasn’t used to having someone worrying about her. Well except for Saul, Ben and Sky of course.

“You don’t have to worry about me, Bloom. Trust me, I can take care of myself” she promised her, smiling a bit at her. She was tired and just wanted to go to bed and have Saul resting in her arms.

“I know that, but… with Headmaster Silva injured, I thought you might… not feel good…” Bloom was crossing a line, not knowing exactly the true nature of her relationship with Silva. To her mind, they acted like an old married couple, but she had no clue, just feminine intuition, as she would put it.

Farah smiled softly, knowing where this was going. She gave Bloom a last one thank you and left her office, encouraging her to rest.

Bloom stayed there a little while, wondering why she was feeling so good around the Headmistress. Of course, she was incredibly grateful to Miss Dowling for what she had done for her. But there was something else, something more. She wanted to be around her… all the time, feeling like nothing could harm her when she was there.

However, she was a bit angry at her for lying to her. Why didn’t she tell her that she was a changeling? She got that she didn’t want to overwhelm her with too much. But this wasn’t enough for her. She was feeling like Farah was hiding more from her. And she wanted to know what it was.

As for her, Farah was heading towards her suite, needing to bring some clothes for tomorrow in Saul’s. She didn’t want to be away from him tonight, needing to feel him close, physically. Getting her things, she heard the ringing of her phone and ran to it, afraid it was a text from Saul. Turning on the screen, she saw it wasn’t Saul at all…

“Free 2night?😉”

She sighed, for the hundredth time today. She really wanted to go to her waitress and forget that horrible day. But she had to take care of Saul. Sex could wait.

“Not 2night sorry, I’ll make it up 2 u, I promise” she sent the text, getting out of her suite, still wondering why her life had turned that way.

But she knew the answer, and who she had to blame for all of it, herself.

Chapter Text

Farah had rarely felt pride and anger at the same time, towards the same person. She couldn’t believe it. That he braved Saul’s authority, she was used to it, they were both. But hers? That was clearly intolerable!

After scolding the girls, she had made her way to the greenhouse, where she would obviously find him. However, she couldn’t feel his presence, he was nowhere to be found. She made her eyes glow and search for his mind, his pure and worried mind. He was in the hall, talking with Stella apparently. She sighed at that. She really thought that the princess was a kind girl, raised by a bad woman. But she also was certain that she wasn’t the right girl for her boy. Far away from that in fact. She had never told Sky this, it was his business. And none of them was in danger in this relationship.

The Headmistress glared at the door and furrowed her brows. She wanted to go, to enter that room and find her specialist. She wanted to hug him, to cling to him and never be away from him again. She wanted to kiss his fears away, to consume their love once again, in every sense of the term.

But she was afraid. Of his reaction, of what the future might held for them it they decided to take that step again. Something was holding her back right now. No pride, no anger, no resentment, no fear. And she wouldn’t let him see it. She would go to him, when she’ll identify it. When her mind will be clear and just full of her love for him.

Therefore, she came back to Sky instead and found him leaned against a balcony in the corridor, deeply in his thoughts.

When he heard her, he straightened up immediately, knowing that compared to this, Saul’s scolding would feel like Pixieland (Disneyland of the Otherworld).

“I..”

He hadn’t the time to say anything to defend himself. The slap came hard on his head, not given by magic for once, but by her own hand. He took a few seconds to glare back at her, what a mistake. She didn’t look angry, she looked mad, madly mad. He wasn’t surprised, but he had to admit he had hoped she would be prouder than furious. He was wrong, once again. He had rarely seen her like that, not towards him at least. And it was understatement to say he didn’t like it.

“You, are an idiot! A stupid, reckless, impulsive idiot! Do you know how dangerous it was!” fury reigned in her eyes, but he didn’t seem guilty. At the contrary, he had a stupid grin plastered on his angelic face. “What the hell makes you smile like that?!” she shouted.

“He said the exact same thing, word to word. I mean…” he laughed genuinely “how could this be? How could you two say the same—”

“Do not try to change the subject, young man! I’m so upset with you! You could have get yourself killed, you could have get seriously injured! Did you think about that?! Did you think about him and I?! Of what we would have done without you?!” her eyes were red, but he couldn’t tell if it was from anger or sadness.

He didn’t try to ask, simply took her in his arms, needing her closeness too. She hugged him back, refusing to cry in front of him, she was stronger than that. She put her hands on the back of his head and glided her fingers in his hair, like she had done countless of times when he was little. He buried his face in her neck and closed his eyes.

People said that most children stole their mother’s clothes when they’re little to keep their scent with them all the time. That the mother’s fragrance is one of the most important things for a child. Sky didn’t remember his mother’s scent, he didn’t remember her at all. And every time he wanted to put a face on her, on the whole idea of motherhood, all that could appear to him was her, Farah. Her look, her scent, her voice. He loved her scent, because it reminded him that he wasn’t an orphan, as the kids in middle school used to say. He had Saul, and he had Farah. It pained him that they were both too proud, blind and selfish to accept that they were still in love with each other. It pained him that Farah wouldn’t dare to come back on her word and tell him how she really felt. And it hurt more to see Saul not fighting for the love of the woman he dreamt of and deserved so much.

It also angered him. Because of their selfish actions, mutual pride and stubbornness, they never let the three of them truly become the family they were. The family they deserve to be. The family he had always dreamt of.

After a while, they pulled apart and Farah took his face in her hands, caressing his cheeks with her thumbs. He let her do, feeling safe and secured under her fingers and gentle caresses. He would never admit it, but he got quite scared facing the Burned One. That damn creature looked like it just escaped from Hell. He wondered what it was, and where it came from.

“It pains me to admit it, but I’m so proud of you, you almost killed it by yourself” she said, pushing his hair from his face, smiling softly.

“I wasn’t alone, the girls were there, so were you” he said, happily. Every time she said she was proud of him, it stirred something within him. A spark of delight and contentment. Ever since he was a little boy, his main goal had been to make them proud of him. To see satisfaction in their eyes when they looked at him, regarding his very own actions. He achieved it often with Farah. With Saul on the other hand…

“Saul must be proud as well” she grinned.

Sky lowered his head, he wished. Oh he wished to earn Saul’s pride for this. But as usual, all he cared about was Andreas’ satisfaction. Sometimes, he just wanted to win Saul’s gratitude, to be worthy of his compliments, of his joy. As harsh as it could sound, he didn’t really care about his father’s happiness, nor satisfaction. He didn’t know that man, not at all. He was a baby when he died. All he knew was a life with Saul, a life with Farah. They were the only ones he cared about. He wished Saul could understand that.

Farah grabbed his chin and made him look into her eyes. She knew what he was feeling. She hadn’t stopped repeating it to Saul over the years. But her specialist never felt worthy of his ward’s love, of his need to make him proud. Sky didn’t know how loved he was, because Saul felt too guilty to tell him. And it was so wrong of him. What he had done had to be done. He shouldn’t be torturing himself over it. And Sky shall not suffer from his feelings and resentment, he was innocent in this.

“He’s proud of you, he just doesn’t feel like it’s his place to be proud, like a dad would be” she explained, not believing in her own defense.

“You are not my birth mother and you’re proud of me” Sky complained. “I just wonder if he’s truly that proud”

“Of course he’s, honey, it’s just… he doesn’t know how to cope with all of this. He doesn’t feel legitimate to be called your dad” she revealed.

“Why? He’s my dad! Not Andreas, I mean, it’s not like I deny he is my father. But he’s just my biological father. Saul… he did all the rest of the job, raised me, supported me, encouraged me… How can he not see that all I want in life is to make him proud and happy? And you, of course!”

Farah smiled tenderly at him, she will need to discuss this with Saul, it’s important that he knew how his son was feeling. Their son.

But apparently, this discussion will have to wait, because seeing the look on her specialist’s face, he wasn’t standing in the corridor, waiting for her, to tell her that he was alive and safe.

Farah let go of Sky and glared behind him, Saul’s gaze burning a hole into her skull. He didn’t look angry, he seemed so much more than that.

The young man followed her stare and when he found Silva standing behind them, arms crossed over his chest, he knew this wasn’t a place for him to be. So he kissed his aunt goodnight, muttering a soft ‘good luck’ into her ear and disappeared into the darkness of Alfea’s hallways. He really hoped Saul would cut her some slack. But he wasn’t a fool, this conversation will be a total disaster.

Farah and Saul remained there for awhile, neither of them moving. Farah didn’t dare, not wanting to endure his scolding and judgements. Saul, on the other, was trying to keep it cool, he was so mad at her. All he wanted was to go to her and tell her how furious he was. How could have she been so thoughtless! She wasn’t a student nor a teenage girl for Gods’ sake! She was the fucking Headmistress of this school! She should have understood how dangerous and meaningless it was! Running of into the night to found that bloodthirsty and savage creature! She had exposed herself to this peril, without him by her side to protect her! And for what? For him? That wasn’t worth it. His life would never be enough, in his mind, for her to risk her own. He was so freaking angry! And he had every intention to confront her about it, to speak his mind to this bloody stubborn fairy of his.

But, when his eyes fell upon her, he almost forgot why he was there, feeling so mad. She had never looked more beautiful than she did right now. Her hair was messy, no make up on, a sweaty forehead and tired eyes, she was magnificent. Yes, he needed to scold her, to yell at her, but he also needed to kiss her, to lavish her with sweet words, affectionate marks. He wanted to do so much to her tonight, as usual, but more than ever. He was tired, so tired to live this mess of a life without her by his side. She wasn’t just his fairy, she was his everything. And he needed to remind her that.

But when he was about to near her, she took a step back. He didn’t know what she was expecting from him, but whatever if could be, she didn’t want it, not right now, probably not ever. She looked so confused, he wondered what she was thinking right now.

Confused was a weak word to describe her state. She was exhausted, angry, sad, relieved and hurt. Not from the Burned One, but from the torrent of emotions she had been feeling, from the waterfall of thoughts she had been hearing. She might be one of the most powerful fairies of the Otherworld, when he was in danger, she pained to control her powers.

And right now, she was feeling his emotions, his anger, his confusion, his weakness. She was weak too, and she didn’t want to do anything stupid. Lately, with him injured, she had been wondering. Would a life together be possible again? Would fate give her a chance of being happy with her man again? She desired nothing more than this. But she needed to think about it, really think. Not fall into his arms because she had been scared to death of losing him. She needed to lie down, to put her mind on an off mode for few hours now. Then, then she would think about their future. He just needed to give her a little bit more time. Just a few hours.

“Goodnight Saul” she whispered gently, turning away from him and leaving him all alone, in the darkness of the night, and of his heart.

He backed up against the wall and inhaled deeply. How was he going to cope with this, all of this? He didn’t know why he was feeling this way after so long. Maybe it was the incident with the Burned One, reminding him what they had been at that time. Maybe it was him nearly dying. He had no idea, but he knew for sure that it couldn’t be that way any longer. He needed her to know, to feel what he was feeling every single time he was near or far away from her.

He glared up the path she had taken and with a decided step, he followed her. Tonight was the night. If they didn’t come back together tonight, then, he will have to leave her for good this time.

When he reached her suite, he didn’t bother to knock, he didn’t care what she could be doing, this must wait. But there was no sign of life in this apartment, he was alone, all by himself, again. He sighed and sat on her couch, not knowing what to do, waiting for her, or coming back to his suite. But he couldn’t go, he needed her too much.

So, he stood up from her couch and went straight to her bedroom, needing to sleep somewhere she was kinda there. Her bed had her scent, her sweetness, her presence. He laid under the smooth covers and remained there, hoping his fairy will come soon, wherever she could be, whatever she could be doing.

***

Farah laid her head on that pillow, her body jerking and shaking under the soft hands pleasuring her, making her feel alive, worthy. That girl was incredible, really. With her, she had discovered a new and welcomed side of her sexuality. Grace had been her first regular lover since Saul. She had had a fair share of one-night stands, and had been content with it. No men could have given her what Saul had given her. And if she was completely honest with herself, she had never wanted anyone to give her a fraction of what Saul had given. At that time, she had thought they were over, and wanted to sacralize their relationship, to immortalize it, to anchor it in her mind and never relive it. Saul was too precious, too unique, too ethereal for her to experiment anything close with anyone else.

Yes, Grace was someone else, but first she was a woman, and second, a First World girl she wouldn’t have a chance to meet ever again. So, it didn’t count.

She cupped the head sucking the life out of her breast and brought her lips back on hers, needing the contact, needing the heat. She ran her hands into her hair and moaned as she felt her hands getting lower and lower on her body, teasing and pleasing her endlessly. But she refused to let go of her lips, those lips kissing her so sloppily, so sensually. It took her only seconds to come undone, for the third time tonight, her nails digging into her lover’s back, her lips whispering her name over and over.

She was like a rag doll, completely out of breath. So, her tempestuous and charming waitress took her trembling form in her arms and laid her against her, face pressed in her chest, much to her delight. Farah kissed the skin there and laughed weakly, out of breath.

“You’re in shape tonight” she complimented her, playing with the end of her hair.

“Felt like you needed it more than ever, and it’s been long since I last saw your pretty face” the woman said, kissing her head.

“I know, I’m sorry, I’ve been—”

“No need to explain yourself, Farah, I understand. How’s your friend?” she asked, genuinely concerned.

“He’s safe now, feeling much better I think” she explained, a pretty smile on her face.

“You think? You didn’t ask him?” the young girl asked, surprised. She thought that this friend was very important to Farah, important enough for her to say no to a torrid night in order to stay with him when he was feeling bad. She wasn’t stupid, she knew that man was not a simple friend to her charming lover, but she never said anything.

“Well, it’s a bit complicated, I did something to heal him and he… he didn’t really appreciate that” Farah confessed, trying to explain herself without telling her human lover that her ex-partner/love of her life’s life had been on the verge because of some surrealistic creature trying to kill him.

“Hum… I see” the girl muttered, still stroking her back and neck. After a while, she added “you should tell him how you’re feeling you know, I mean, Saul has the right to know you still love him, probably as much as he does”.

Farah straightened her back and glared at her with worried and incredulous eyes. How? How could she know that? Only few people knew that, four in fact.

“You whisper his name quite often when you’re sleeping, especially when you’re angry or stressed out. So I assumed there were only two men that could be important enough for you to stay with, Sky and Saul. And if I am right, Sky is your son, so… unless you have incestuous needs, I concluded that you were and still are in love with your son’s father” she explained, brilliantly, feeling like Sherlock Holmes solving a big case.

Farah’s mouth hang opened. She knew her waitress was smart, but not that smart. She was also a bit ashamed of herself, hoping Grace wouldn’t feel like she had been using her to replace Saul. She had not. Of course, she would rather make love with Saul than with anyone else. But she had never thought about him while being here. And it was a first time…

‘She is good’ she thought, grinning a bit, she had always loved smart people. She gently kissed her lips and caressed her jaw.

“If I listen to you, we will never see each other again, you know that right?” she confessed, feeling a bit sad at that thought. She had learnt to love her company. There were times she had fancied it, after a long day or a fight with Saul.

“I know, but I want you to be happy, and I perfectly know you will never be in my arms” the young woman confessed sadly, bringing her on top of her, kissing her lips savagely. “You deserve happiness and he deserves the truth’’

The Headmistress smiled softly. This woman was such a kind soul, gently and pure. She deserved to be loved, truly, in a way she could never do, for she belonged to someone else.

‘’I’m sorry, Grace, I’ve never wanted to hurt you’’ she muttered, caressing her face.

‘’Don’t worry about it, I accepted this a long time ago. I just hope that one day, I’ll find someone who loves me as much as you love Saul” she admitted, a little emotional. She truly liked Farah, perhaps a bit more than just like.

“You will, I have no doubts! How can you be so wise at your age?” asked the mind fairy, licking down her throat.

“You don’t know my age, Farah!” she giggled, and breathed out, aroused again. It will be hard for her to let go of Farah, but she will do it any way if it meant having her happy and satisfied. “is this a goodbye, then?” she asked, running her hands in her sweet locks.

Farah detached her mouth from her breast and nodded her head, giving her a sad little smile. The waitress took her face in her hands and kissed her lips lovingly, making Farah think twice before leaving this girl for good. But she knew what and mostly who was always there in her heart. A man. A handsome, stubborn and kind man. Her specialist, the love of her life. She couldn’t pretend anymore, she needed him, in every possible way. And he has to know.

“Let’s make it unforgettable then” the woman smiled.

***

Farah sighed when she came back to her suite. She felt exhausted, drained, mentally and physically. She took off her heels and didn’t bother to do the same with her dress, feeling like she was going to sleep in it anyway. She put the pins maintaining her hair together off and freed her beautiful honey colored hair, letting it fall on her shoulders, for the second time tonight. She knew it could seem stupid of her, but she didn’t want anyone to see her with her hair down. It was like a protection for her, some armure protecting her from weakness, shielding her from the outside world and its dangers. So every time she would leave a place, she would adopt an elaborated and intriguing hairstyle. She knew it was a subject of discussion for her students, wondering what she would look like without it.

Saul had always said she looked softer without it, happier, real. Therefore, when it was just the two of them, she would always leave her hair free, knowing how much he loved to glid his fingertips in her locks. And truth be told, she adored it too. But she did it just with him, only with him.

She yawned and went straight to her bedroom, she was going to put that dress off after all. She rubbed her eyes and entered her room, without turning the light on.

What wasn’t her surprise when she found a man in her bed, her man. Her eyes opened wide from confusion. So many interrogations came in her mind. Why was he there? How long had he been there? How could he be so handsome while sleeping? Her heart tightened at his simple sight. He looked so calm, so peaceful, wrapped in her bedsheets.

Smiling lovingly, she gently came to her wardrobe and took some pajamas out, silky ones. She quickly and silently put them on and marched her way to her specialist.

Slowly, she knelt down in front of him and caressed his face tenderly. Closing her eyes, she just felt, letting herself get consumed by the feeling of his stubbled and sweet skin on her slim fingers. His hair felt a bit dirty, sweaty, but it didn’t disgust her. They had been through war together, and war wasn’t often clean. She had often slept next to him while being covered in blood, dirt and mud. Sweat will never bother her, not from him.

He stirred a bit at the sudden contact, not wanting to be disturbed. He needed to sleep. However, it was a nice sensation, sweet fingers caressing his face. And he didn’t need to open his eyes to know who was touching him with those wonderful hands. She had done this so many times before, it was an unforgettable feeling, physically and emotionally.

Slowly, he opened his beautiful stormy grey eyes and glared at the only woman he had ever loved. Her hair was down, her face seemed tired and discouraged by life, her eyes were red and teary. She was breathtaking. Her digits were tracing invisible patterns on his face, making their way through every little inch of his skin. Her touch was so sweet, so caring, entrancing.

“Where were you?” he asked sleepily, a bit worried, taking her hand in his.

She tensed a little at the question. What could she tell him? That she had just gotten fucked? That she had ended things with her last lover, for him? That she had slept with a woman for the last time of her life?

“Away. Have you been there for long?” she questioned, stroking the hand keeping hers captive.

“Don’t know, I was waiting for you, need to tell you something” he said, tucking on her hand, wanting her closer than she already was.

“Whatever it is, please, wait until the morning, I’m exhausted and so are you” she answered, standing up and making her way to him, lifting the covers and laying down next to him.

“It’s really important Fa” he urged, needing this weight out of his chest. Needing her to hear it. Needing her to know how he felt.

But his eagerness stressed her out, and she misunderstood his intentions and emotions. It often happened when she was exhausted, which she had been most lately. Therefore, she thought he wanted to scold her, to reprimand her for risking her life for him. She hadn’t the strength and wasn’t in the mood. She just wanted to exchange sweet caresses with him, nothing more. But at the same time, she found it very unfair to ask affection from him when she had just returned from a torrid rendezvous, solely meant to forget about her love for him.

“Saul” she took his head between her hands and made him look at her, caressing his cheeks once again with her thumbs “I almost lost you tonight, and all I want right now is to lay down, you in my arms, or me in yours and forget about this horrible day, please” she begged him.

He silently nodded his head and wrapped his arms around her warm body, pulling her close. Judging by the heat of her limbs, there was no doubt on what she had been doing before coming back. Jealousy rose within his body, jealousy and anger. While he was waiting for her to ask her for another chance, she was getting fucked by some jerk. And right now, after having her shag, she refused to let him tell her about his feelings, his love and his devotion towards her because she wanted to “hold him in her arms”. He felt hurt, betrayed and humiliated. So, he just held her, happy to have her in his arms, but knowing in the bottom of his heart that this will be the last time. This could never work again. In some way, he had his answer, without even asking. And it made his heart break.

On her side, Farah was grateful for the silence. She didn’t want him to scold her. She couldn’t believe he had come here and slept in her bed just to yell at her for not respecting his wishes when she’d come back. She was hurt by his attitude, to say the least. She thought he would be proud of her for killing this Burned One, for saving his life. But he was just angry, she could feel it, his ego had taken a punch in its face, because she disobeyed him.

And at the same time, she wanted him close to her, to feel his heartbeat under her fingertips, his skin on hers. Her lover was right, she couldn’t live without him any longer. She wanted him, them, again, and forever. She had waisted enough time. She had enough of that. Tomorrow, tomorrow she was going to tell him everything.

But will he be able to wait until tomorrow? Or will his heart close forever because of what he had misinterpreted as a new rejection from his loved one? Time will tell.

Tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Farah had a huge smile plastered on her lips, trying to hide it was futile. She felt so much joy in her heart. Today was the day. She was going to confess her love for him today. She’ll tell him how much he meant to her. How stupid she felt. Today, she will find her lover again. She’ll have a man in her arms and in her bed tonight.

She had meant to tell him this morning, while waking up. But when she had tried to grab onto him, to caress his soft skin, she had found nothing but an empty side of her bed and cold sheets under her fingertips. He had left her, without a good morning, probably not to wake her up.

It had made her heart sting, hoping he had not misinterpreted her actions from last night. But she had shaken the thought from her mind, knowing too well he was not that kind of man. Whenever he had something to tell her, he would dot it, no matter what. She had always considered herself lucky for that. He would never let a situation gangrened itself, he would always speak his mind, whether she liked it or not. At first, it had angered her, but she had quickly realized it was so much healthier this way.

Therefore, she had gotten up, hoping to find him as soon as possible. Going to her kitchen to prepare her tea, she had discovered his note on the counter:

‘Got ready at my suite, class to teach, see you’

She didn’t like that, he was still supposed to take it easy, the poison of the Burned One remaining in his veins. It was good news though, meaning he was feeling well enough to stand and teach on the battlefield. But still, she couldn’t stop to worry about it.

She walked through the specialists’ area, scanning the battlefields, looking for him. She couldn’t wait any longer, needing to see him, to see his reaction. She didn’t know if she will be able to restrain herself from kissing him in the middle of his class. She had to, she was still the Headmistress of this school. She couldn’t behave so lightly, it would be completely inappropriate. Not to mention that the students would gossip about it for an eternity. And tomorrow, the entire castle would know that the heads of Alfea had a thing.

Yet…

Her face brightened up after getting a glimpse of his dark hair and strong back. He was so handsome, even from behind… But suddenly, she felt anxious. What if he was tired of waiting for her? What if he had found someone else to love? What if it was too late to recreate what they had been? Doubt took root in the bottom of her stomach, right next to the fear of rejection. She realized she couldn’t show up like that after fifteen years and ask for forgiveness and a fresh start. Not after everything she had put him throw. She had been selfish, and she had to live with—

‘No!’ she screamed to her own mind. She had done this since they had broken up. She had to face her actions and find a way to put it right. It probably wouldn’t be easy, but she had to try, for her sake, for their sake. She took a deep breath and approach him shyly. Gods, he was so sexy in his full-headmaster mode. She smiled at that thought, she was really behaving like one of her teenagers.

Saul was observing Riven and Sky in action, examining their moves and parades. And it was so disappointing, he expected more from them. He felt exasperated and frustrated looking at them. Had they really not learnt anything from him? Was he that bad at teaching? He didn’t think so and it angered him even more. But deep down, he knew where this feeling of wrath came from. Farah. It’d been a couple of hours since she had killed this Burned One, and the pain was still there. He did everything in his power to avoid her, and she didn’t even seem to notice it, proving his point: she didn’t care anymore. Yes, it had been only mere hours ago, but still. He knew he had to move on, really move on this time, but it was so hard. And this situation made him even more angry and humiliated, feeling like he was devoted to someone unworthy of that said devotion. Of course, it was only the poison from the Burned One talking, but he didn’t understand it, eaten by his pain and hurt ego.

So, when he saw her nearing him, rage took place in his heart. Why was she there? Disturbing him in the middle of a lesson? Why did she look this happy? Couldn’t she just hide her feelings? Her giddiness of being away from him?

“Hi” she simply said, smiling contently. The nerve of that woman.

“Hey, what’s going on? I assume something is going on, the great Headmistress Dowling wouldn’t bother herself to come to the specialists’ area for nothing” he said bitterly, he couldn’t help himself.

“What?” she asked, her eyes opening widely.

“Nothing, what’s going on?” he tried, hating to see this look on her pretty features. Why did he still care so much? She didn’t deserve that care.

“Well, no-nothing’s going on, I-I just wanted to talk to you, about… about something important” she confessed, the corner of her lips rising against her will.

“Can it wait until the end of my class or is that so important that I should interrupt them to religiously listen to you?” here it was again, the bitterness, the resentment.

“Oh… well, no I can wait here until you’re done” she was a bit confused, why was he acting so rudely?

“Riven! Sky! Do that again, and perfectly this time, our Headmistress is inspecting your work as much as mine!” he shouted at them, deliberately provoking Farah. What was going on with him? Why couldn’t he stop himself? Had she hurt him enough? Probably, yes.

“Hasn’t the Headmistress something else to do?” Riven asked mockingly, “no offense, Miss Dowling, but… we’re not in our best form today” he tried again, not wanting to enrage her nor their moody Headmaster.

Sky laughed teasingly glaring at Farah, seeing her smile. He neared his best friend and muttered “you don’t want your crush to see you lose against her son, huh?”

“Enough! Both of you! Go!” Saul yelled at them.

Farah was tempted to use her powers to know what was going on with him, he wasn’t in his right mind and acted unusually meanly. Was something bothering him? Was it the infection? Was it her? Was something wrong with Sky?

She remained quiet and observed the boys fighting. In her opinion, they were doing a pretty good job. Riven was a bit too aggressive, and Sky a little to light on his movements, a simple kick in the left foot would be enough to make him fall. But they were sharp and alert, almost graceful. She grinned proudly watching her little Sky fighting. He had gotten quite good. She remembered with nostalgia the little boy he used to be, brandishing his wooden sword to rebuff anyone, including Saul, Ben, Terra or Sam, who would come near her, defending “the princess Farah”. He had grown so quickly… And one day, he will be his father’s equal, his real father.

Preoccupied by Sky, she didn’t even notice the way Riven was admiring her, finding her incredibly beautiful today. The young man had always found her at his taste, wishing more than anything that she would consider giving him private lessons, very private ones. Luckily for her, Farah was completely unaware of his feelings and inclination for her. Sky, on the other hand, shared his room, meaning he had often heard his roommate moaning her name in his dreams, even after a shag. It had always disgusted him… to no point. But today, it would serve him.

Looking at her for too long, Riven got punched by Sky and fell to the floor, right before he knocked Sky off, kicking him in his left foot, making the blond boy crumble on him loudly, groans echoing from them both, amusing Farah, and enraging Saul.

“Gods! Move, dude! Fuck! You’re crushing me!” Riven shouted at his friend, wiggling like a young child to push him of him.

But Sky couldn’t move, laughing too much at him. Just like all of the students, watching them. And just like Farah.

“You lost just because you were glaring at her! Come on, man! You have to stop with that crush of yours! You’re drooling more in front of her than a dog glaring at sausages!” the blonde specialist said, chuckling like a little child.

But it was euphemistic to say Saul didn’t find it amusing at all. His blood was boiling in veins like the lava of a volcano. It wasn’t only Farah, the infection was enraging him. And he couldn’t control himself.

“And you have the audacity to think this is funny?!” Saul screamed at them, angry as ever.

Everybody calmed down, surprised to hear the Headmaster yelling at them like that. He was in a particular bad mood today. But still, they had done nothing wrong, falling could happen to anybody, to the best of them, even to Silva himself.

“Well, sorry Headmaster, we, we just fell—” Sky tried, but it was useless, he should have seen it.

“Don’t you dare trying to defend yourself! Both of you were completely under your usual performance! You shouldn’t have fallen like that! I except a lot more from you, especially you, Sky!”

Nobody understood, and everybody glared at Farah, hoping she would do something, interfere, temperate him. They knew she wasn’t his superior, but still, she was his co-head. The mind fairy exchanged one look with her protégé and when she saw him nod, she did interfere.

“Saul, come on, it wasn’t that bad, a fall can happen to anyone, you’re a bit severe, don’t you think?” she told him gently, not wanting to boss him around, just wishing to soothe him.

What a terrible mistake.

He glared at her with a murderous eye and ordered his class to dismiss. Sky was about to leave them, but Riven wouldn’t move. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to stay there, just in case. He felt that something was off, no need to be a mind fairy to understand it. Therefore, he didn’t move, wanting to know more about Silva’s state. And of course, to defend his future wife if needed.

“How can you do that?! How can you intervene in my class and disrespect me like that in front of my students!” he shouted, not seeing Riven and Sky in the corner of his eye.

“I didn’t mean to disrespect you, Saul, I was just trying to calm you down, you were extremely hard on them both” she defended herself, not believing his attitude.

“Well, next time, I will come, uninvited, to one of your lessons and make you look like a total incompetent fool in front of your fairies, you’ll see how it feels!”

“What’s going on, Saul? Is something wrong?” she asked, truly worried about him. She knew the Burned One’s poison would remain in his blood for a little while after its death, but she had never seen him like this.

“You seem to forget that you’re not my superior, Farah! You don’t have anything to say in my class and on my field! I’m the Headmaster of the Specialists! And I would really like for you to print it in your mind fairy’s mind!” he was so harsh, so rude.

“You weren’t behaving like a Headmaster towards Sky, but like his dad and it made you blind. By the way, don’t be so exigent with him, he has to understand that you are proud of him, he doesn’t care that much about Andreas’ pride, he just wants yours. Don’t you think it would be better if—” she tried again.

“Oh please, Farah! You don’t know what it is to be a parent! You never will, so don’t try to assume anything on something that’s completely foreign to you!”

And that was it.

When he saw the look of betrayal and hurt on her face, he emerged from his enraged trance, acknowledging the weight of his words, of what he had just said to the love of his life. He felt something shatter in his heart, not knowing if it was her own pain or his. What the hell had he just said? How could he?

She stared blankly at him, not believing her ears. It felt like she had been punched in the stomach, the air was knocked out of her, her eyes filled with tears that she will have to control. She couldn’t believe her ears. Had he just said that? Had he really used the most terrible and heartbreaking event of her life to hurt her? Just because he was angry with her? No… not her Saul, it was impossible, simply impossible…

Seeing the damage he had done, he tried to think quickly. What could he do to help her, to heal her from his own words? The answer was fatally simple: nothing.

“Farah—” he tried to touch her, but she took a step back, destroying him. She had never refused his touch, not when they had been together, not after they had broken up. Not even in their most virulent argument. But then again, he had never hurt her that much, that bad.

“Don’t. Don’t you touch me. Stay away from me” she muttered, her voice low and fragile, her heart completely crushed, by her soulmate, how funny.

Riven and Sky were there, mouths hanging open. They couldn’t believe it. Sky was about to take a step towards her, but Riven stopped him, silently indicating him this was between the two of them and if he wanted to intervene, he must do it after. Sky nodded his head and glared back at her. Damn it! She looked destroyed. How in the hell had he done that to her? He, more than anyone, knew how breaking those words were to her. He had comforted her many times about it over the years. He had even threatened Stella’s bitchy mother after she had uttered them to hurt her. Why had he done that? How was it even possible.

“Farah, I’m—”

“Whatever you are, I don’t want to know. I’m going to head to my office, and you won’t follow me. You won’t approach me or try to talk to me ever again. If you do, I swear I will hurt you. I don’t care if students are near or not, I will hurt you as much as you hurt me right now” she exposed sternly, yet calmy, few tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Farah—”

She didn’t listen, she just walked away from him, heart in her throat. How? How will she survive what had just happened? How will she move on from that betrayal? She didn’t know, yet, she’ll find out. Ironically, she had been right after all. It was too late for them. She sighed deeply, weeping off the teardrops falling from her eyes, knowing it won’t be the only ones. She was feeling a huge pressure on her left breast, the heaviness of her heart, breaking into pieces.

The worst part of it, she will continue to love him, no matter what. And for that, she hated him.

Saul watched her leave from afar, tears falling from his beautiful blue eyes, running down his cheeks like waterfalls. What had he just done? How could he have said that to her? More than anyone he knew how touchy that subject was to her. He too had lost their baby girl, but he hadn’t carried her. He had spent weeks trying to reassure her, to make her understand that none of that was her fault. She wasn’t responsible for their kid’s lost and yet, she had carried that weight, that burden for so long. He was feeling like she had never stopped carrying it.

And here he was, hurting her the worst way possible. He was a monster. Eventually, she didn’t turn out like Rosalind, he did.

He fell on the floor and buried his head in his knees. He wished he could turn time back and stop the future Saul to hurt the woman they both loved. But he couldn’t, and he will have to live with that, for the rest of his life. With the acknowledgement that he will never have her again. But this time, because he had ruined her.

The funny fact was that the last time someone had done that to her (Luna), he had sworn to her that he will kill the next person who will have the audacity to make her feel bad. So now, he just had to kill himself. And for her, he will do it without any hesitation. But that would be too sweet for him. He had to amend himself, suffering for the rest of his life if he had to. He had to repair her and to do everything in his power to deserve her forgiveness.

“You are such a dickhead, you know that?!” Sky stated before chasing after Farah, not wanting her to feel abandoned and alone.

“Leave her alone, Sky. She will—” Saul tried. Sky mustn’t push Farah.

“Fuck off!” the boy screamed at him before running to his aunt/mother.

Saul sighed, he won’t reprimand him for that, he deserved that bad language and mistreatment, he deserved so much worse. And fortunately for him, someone was still here to make him suffer enough, just enough.

“Well…. Congratulations, hotshot! You lost the boy and the woman, couldn’t have done better even if I intended to!” he shouted, faking proudness and joy.

“If you don’t want to win a month of detention—” Saul began, but got cut off by the young specialist.

“Oh you can punish me, Silva. But not before I tell you what you need to hear, old man” this wasn’t a question, nor a demand, it was a statement. He was going to do it, and Saul was going to listen to him faithfully.

“Okay, Sky told me everything about you and Miss Dowling, I know you guys were together and I know you were supposed to have a child. But fate got in the way and took the baby away from you. I’m sorry for that by the way, must have been horrible to live. Anyway, he told me that after that, Miss Dowling left you all by yourself to raise Sky because you, well, kinda tried to force her to replace your daughter by Sky—”

“No! I did not do such a thing! I had a responsibility towards Sky’s father! A responsibility she didn’t want to take! And she didn’t leave me for that, she left me because it was too hard for her to forget our child!” Saul interjected, not wanting to hear this nonsense. He knew why he had lost Farah. No one could tell him anything else. “And staying with me was reminding her every day that she had lost her and she felt responsible for that. She thought she had failed, but I was the one failing her” he silently cried, not giving a damn about his alpha male ego. Crying was not a sign of weakness, but just the expression of humanity.

“Yea, so you just decided to… be a dick and throw that in her face right now, classy!” Riven laughed mockingly, secretly hoping Farah was alright.

Saul sighed, putting his head back in his knees. He was receiving a lecture from a young, immature and hormonal boy. The worst of it, he felt like it was the normal thing right now.

“You know, man, it’s crystal clear to anyone here that she’s the one you’re thinking about when you reach climax” Saul glared back at him, sending him a stern look, inviting him to be selective with his next words. It didn’t stop the boy though “and I don’t blame you, I mean, she is—”

“Riven! I swear if you disrespect her—”

“Hey relax!” he said putting his hands up “I’m not the one who told her that she will never experiment the joy of motherhood” Saul kept quiet, the boy was right, for once. “To my mind, you clearly don’t deserve her, with or without your last prestation. She’s too good for you, to anyone in this world” the last words were just a whisper, but loud enough for Saul to hear. Was Riven into Farah? No! No way, right?

Feeling the discomfort, he carried on “But she’s still into you, so if you don’t want to lose her forever, you will stand your ass up and you’re going to get your soulmate back!” he shouted at him, exhausted to have to advice his headmaster on his relationship with his forever crush.

Saul was stunned, to say the least. He had always thought Riven was a better boy than he cared to appear to the outside world. But this! He wouldn’t have guessed him to be so mature and well-advised. He was impressed, and proud at the same time. He was certainly the best friend Sky could dream about.

“What should I do?” he couldn’t believe it, he was begging Riven to advise him to save his long lost love story with Farad, what a joke! He found it so pathetic!

“How could I know! You were her lover! Not me! But all I can tell you is that if you really want her back, you have to prove and not being too adamant at the same time” Riven was impressing himself, he can be so smart sometimes, he thought. He would make a wonderful matchmaker.

Saul neared the boy, calmly. He put a hand on his shoulder, gave it a gentle squeeze, thanked him and then left, on a mission to reconquer his Farah. Watching him leave, Riven smiled stupidly, feeling giddy, it felt good sometimes to be the teacher’s pet.

Although, in the back of his mind, he couldn’t help to wonder. Even in his worst days, Silva wouldn’t be so harsh on them, even when he would provoke him on purpose to make him lose his temper. And being that horrible to Miss Dowling? No way! There was something weird, and he will do everything to discover what had happened to his Headmaster. And more specifically, who had done that. And he knew the perfect person to investigate with him. Although, she might not be very happy with him right now… But for Saul and Farah, she would do it. Therefore, he picked up his sword and began walking to the Greenhouse.

***

Farah stormed into her office without a glance towards Aisha. She closed the door violently and walked to her desk. She put her hands on it and groaned from the pain she was feeling. How? How could he had done that to her?! He had sworn! Sworn that no one will ever hurt her that way again! Bullshit! He was liar, just like her! Just like everyone!

She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, to ease her nerves. She couldn’t do it, it hurt too much. She couldn’t control herself. Her eyes turned suddenly silver and three of her glasses exploded, sharp pieces of glass running everywhere, and into her as well. It wasn’t enough, she needed more physical pain, more friction. She glared at her crystal vase and leaned her head up, making the object burst into pieces as well, one hitting her cheeks, cutting it open.

But Farah had been a soldier, she had been attacked by a Burned One, by Rosalind, that wasn’t it, the kind of pain she was looking for.

Ready to hurt herself one more time, she almost missed the noise of the door of her office opening, almost. She didn’t need to turn around to know the identity of her unwanted visitor, a certain redhead, with bright blue eyes, like him.

“You said we will finish our conversation when I wouldn’t be drunk, I’m not anymore, so… I’m listening!” Bloom told her, arms crossed over her chest, Farah didn’t need to glare at her to know that. She knew the kid so well, strangely.

She sighed and leaned further in her desk. “Not now, Bloom, come back later, please” she begged her, not ready for anyone to see her like that. She needed a moment to compose herself, just a minute and she’ll be back. Well, Headmistress Dowling will be back. Farah would be buried in the back of her mind, hurt and afflicted.

Her voice sounded so fragile, so weak, she hated it so much. Appearing weak was her worst nightmare, probably because whenever she had given Rosalind that impression, she had been severely punished, in every possible way. And every time, it would happen, he was there to comfort her, to take care of her, to heal her, to love her. But not anymore, and that hurt more than anything right now, smothering her, crushing her heart, suffocating her thoughts.

“You always say that! That you’re there for me if I need anything. But let me tell you what! That’s a lie! A freaking lie! And I’m tired of it! For once, just tell me the truth! Is that too—"

“I said not now, Bloom!” the mind fairy turned around, eyes glimmering silver, shattering all of her glass objects, including her mirror. And a piece, huge and sharp, flied towards the young fire fairy who was already covering her face with her arms.

Realizing her mistake and her total lack of control, Farah took a step forward and grabbed it in full hand before it can implant itself into her student. She didn’t feel any kind of pain, her pain sensory receptors suddenly inhibited by her fright. She had lost control, she had put a student in danger, just because of her inability to recover from pain, to eliminate Saul’s words from her mind. She had almost thrown a piece of glass in Bloom. She couldn’t even process it, the shame, the guilt… She was feeling like Rosalind had been right all along. She wasn’t fit for this task, wasn’t good enough to maintain this school together, to guide her students, to protect them, to be a mother…

Not feeling the impact, Bloom lowered her hands and opened her eyes. The office was a mess, glass pieces laying everywhere, water from a vase spreading on the floor. She than glared at her Headmistress and saw that she was the one who had protected her, again. But her gaze fell on her hand and she let out a shocked little gasp when she realized that she was holding that piece of mirror, completely covered by her blood.

“Miss Dowling…” she muttered quietly, taking her hand in hers and opening it, forcing Farah to let go of the lethal object.

She had almost hurt her. She had lost control and almost hurt Bloom. Because she was angry, because she was mad. Because she was broken in the inside. Rosalind had been right, she shouldn’t be at the head of the school. She shouldn’t be Headmistress, she shouldn’t be here at all. Saul had been right, he had been right to give up on her. She entirely—

“Miss Dowling!” she heard from away, far, far away. She knew Bloom was near, but her body didn’t seem to process the information. She was swallowed by darkness, by self-hatred and pain. It was too much, all of this was too much for her to bear. The Burned Ones, Saul, Bloom… Then, she felt soft hands on her face, trying to wake her up. She came back to her senses and felt that pain in her left hand. She looked at it and saw the blood running out of her veins, pretty quickly.

She used her magic and made the bleeding stop. Bloom took her hand in hers again and saw what a powerful fairy like her could really do. She was impressed, yet extremely scared. What the heck did just happen? Was it because of her? Was she that insufferable?

“No” she looked up at her teacher and saw that she also had a cut on her cheek. “No, it’s not your fault, Bloom. And I’m truly sorry for what just happened” Farah said, sounding completely destroyed.

“What’s going on? What happened to shake you up that much?” the girl asked, worried sick. Yes, she was angry towards her, but she couldn’t bear to see her like that.

Farah looked everywhere but her. What could she say anyway, that she was brokenhearted? That Saul, her best friend/father of her dead child/love of her life had hurt her so much that she couldn’t control herself and needed physical pain to feel better? That she was a total mess when he wasn’t around and that it was definitely over between them? That sounded so pathetic…

“I know I’m no one to ask, but you scared the hell out of me! I’ve never seen you like that. Please, please, Miss Dowling, tell me what happened!” the young fairy pleaded, and Farah knew she was just being honest, she could feel her angst, her worry, and her… love? Bloom was young and hardheaded, but she had such a big heart, full of love and compassion. Maybe she deserved the truth of her life.

She closed her eyes and let a single tear fell.

“I lost my child sixteen years ago, and today, someone I really care about reminded me that I will never be mother”

Chapter Text

Bloom could not believe her ears. She was miles away from thinking that Miss Dowling had a child. Well, it was not hard to imagine, it just had never occurred to her that she could have a life outside these walls. It was a stupid thinking, the woman was literally surrounded by kids and teenagers all the time. And very good with them. Bloom knew it was perfectly irrelevant, but it helped her think. The weight of what Miss Dowling just confessed her was still lingering in the air, making the atmosphere a bit peculiar. Quite tense in fact. For both women.

She hadn’t expected their encounter to turn like that. She had had a purpose coming here, getting answers from the woman. This mysterious and maternal woman whom refused to tell her the truth about her origins. She had been determinate, she wouldn’t take no for an answer, she would walk in, ask and finally have them, those freaking answers Miss Dowling seemed so cautious about. And yet, after seeing her like this and hearing her confession, she couldn’t care less about her own problems. She wanted to know more about that said child, that said lost child. And most of all, she wanted to comfort her, to help her getting through this, like she had done for her.

‘’Miss Dowling… I’m—‘’ she tried, but Farah quickly cut her off, putting her palm out.

‘’No, please, don’t’’ she muttered, hiding her face in her hand. She couldn’t do this, she simply couldn’t. She looked at her again, her face now composed and stern, emotionless, a face Bloom hated more than anything on her. ‘’I shouldn’t have lost control like that, I apologize Bloom, I’m truly sorry for scaring you and telling you inappropriate things’’

‘’I don’t think it was inappropriate—‘’ the girl tried again, but it was vain, the oyster had closed up (I don’t know if you guys say that in English, but in France, when a person doesn’t want to speak about something, we say: se fermer comme une huitre).

‘’But it was, really. You’re my student, not my psychologist, I’m not supposed to share my personal with you. You’re the one supposed to come to me when you have issues, not vice-versa’’ Farah clarified, feeling ashamed, fragile and too exposed.

Bloom wanted to argue. Of course, she wasn’t her shrink. But she just wished she could help her, make her headmistress feel better. Although it might not be that easy, considering what she had just experimented. She didn’t know who had done this to her, but if she ever found out, that person would what rotting in hell truly meant. But before she could add anything, the office door opened wildly, Sky barging in without any warning, nor knocking.

‘’Are you ok— Bloom? What are you doing here?’’ he asked, annoyed, hoping that Farah hadn’t been forced to tell her anything too personal.

‘’I was—‘’

‘’She was just leaving, weren’t you, Bloom? We’ll finish our conversation later, you have my word’’ Farah glared at her, offering the best smile she could under those circumstances.

There was no room for debate, Bloom understood it. She didn’t want to go though. She wanted to stay there, to comfort the mind fairy. But she easily got she was not desired here, neither by Sky nor by Miss Dowling. Therefore, she just nodded her head and reluctantly left the office, gently closing the door behind her. It was so unfair. She was the one Miss Dowling confided in, the one she had trusted enough to tell this horrible story. Why didn’t she tell Sky to leave too? Why was she trusting him and not her? Why did it bother her that much that Miss Dowling wanted Sky by her side and not her? And most importantly, who was the piece of shit who had dared to remind her of something so painful? If she could catch Silva today, she would gladly tell him that he should be more careful about his fairy.

If only she had known…

Farah sighed as the door closed, feeling like she could finally breathe again. It was so unlike her, to lose control like that. The last time it had happened, she might have been eight. She had never liked it, feeling vulnerable and dangerous at the same time. Like Bloom, Farah had never had someone to teach her magic. She had discovered it herself, at a very young age. She had always been a powerful mind fairy, capable of hearing any thought, feeling any emotion, which was terrible and overwhelming for a little girl. The last time her power had taken control of her was the last time she had seen her friends at the orphanage. After the incident, she had been transferred, for her safety and mostly for the other kids’ protection. She did not like to think about it, it was a dark side of her past. But the memory came back every time she would burst like that. Which was extremely rare.

‘’Hey’’ Sky put his hands on her shoulders ‘’it’s okay, whatever happened here, it’s okay’’

That boy, he was too good for his own good. Her boy. She often wondered how life would have turned if she had accepted to be his mother, not just his aunt. Would have she been a good mother to him? Would have she been enough, even after losing her own baby? Would have she been fair? Would have she been what he needed?

‘’No… no it’s not okay… I lost control, Sky, I almost hurt her—‘’

‘’She can be too much, most of the time, I’m sure she pushed you—‘’

‘’That’s no excuse! I’m here to guide her, to help her, not to throw sharp pieces of glass at her because I’m having a moment!’’ she interjected, not wanting his compassion, she didn’t deserve it.

‘’But you protected her!’’

‘’From a danger I created!’’

‘’So what?! She put herself in danger all the time! Come on, Farah! You’ve done nothing but protect her since she arrived! Don’t blame yourself for just being human! Especially when the person you love the most hurt you like that!’’ the young man screamed, mad at Saul like never before.

The mind fairy lowered her gaze, with all of that, she had almost forgotten about Saul. Almost. And this simple mention of his earlier behavior was enough to hurt her like a punch in the stomach. How? How could he have done this to her? What could she have possibly done to deserve such a terrible mistreatment from him? Wasn’t he the one always saying that he will always love her no matter what? That she will always be his first priority? What had happened? What had she done? Was their love definitely gone?

‘’Farah! None of this is your fault! Saul is just a prick for saying that!’’ Sky claimed, and though she did not appreciate his language, it felt nice to hear that she was not the one to blame.

‘’Don’t talk about him like that, please…’’

‘’You cannot defend him after that, it was mean and—‘’

‘’But it is our business, sweetheart, I don’t want you to pick a side’’ she exposed calmly, meaning every word. Whatever had occurred this morning, it was not his burden to bear, just theirs.

‘’But—‘’

‘’No buts, young man’’

He nodded his head, not believing it. After what he had done, she was still protecting him, trying to make things easier for him. He really did not deserve her. What the hell had happened to him? The woman was literally the center of his universe, how could he? There had been something off all day, maybe he needed to investigate. Saul might have his reasons, but whatever, they were bad.

Suddenly, the door opened itself quietly. Considering the person on the other side, it was almost too fragile. In all the years she had known him, he had never been a soft and quiet person. Saul was passionate, vivid, a bit brutal sometimes. But, never with her… With her, he had been nothing but charming, sweet, loving, attentive… In his attitude, she could see how sorry he was. She had seen it the second the words had slipped from his mouth. But she didn’t care, she couldn’t care right now.

‘’Farah… I—‘’

‘’You got a lot of nerves to come here, can’t you just leave her alone, don’t you think you did enough for one day!’’ Sky screamed, he couldn’t believe his eyes.

‘’Sky, this doesn’t concern—‘’

‘’I don’t care! Get the fuck out of here!’’ he continued, nearing his father with rage. Sky had never provoked Saul physically. He had always shown him respect and admiration. But today, the young specialist knew that one wrong word and he would be ready to attack him, without any ounce of remorse.

‘’I will not tolerate this behavior, young man!’’ Saul argued, standing right in front of his ward. If Sky thought he could mess with him without consequences, he was seriously mistaking. As much as he understood his need to protect his mother, he won’t let him disrespect him like this.

‘’Go to hell with your lectures! With what you’ve just done, you’re in no position to chastity me!’’

‘’Enough!’’ Farah intervened, not wanting to see them fight in her office, nor anywhere else. ‘’I want you both out of this office. Sky, as much as I appreciate you defending me, you still owe him respect and gentleness, honey’’ she clarified, caressing his cheek lightly. ‘’As for you’’ she said, turning to Saul ‘’I don’t want you here. Whatever you have to say, it will wait until I decide it’s worth hearing. I don’t want you to come in my office unless it’s for professional reasons, which is clearly not the case’’

The two men lowered their head, nodding quietly. Sky was not happy with the situation, but understood anyway. As for Silva, he just wished he could go back in time and punch himself so hard. Well, if he could really go back in time, he knew what he would do, no doubt. He knew he had to leave her, because she asked for it. It was hard, it was painful, but he knew he had to accept it. Maybe, if he gave her enough time, she will forgive him. Although what he had done didn’t deserve forgiveness.

But then, he spotted it, the blood on her hand.

‘’What happened? You hurt?’’ he asked worriedly, moving towards her. Nothing ever hurt more in his entire life than the sight of her taking a step backward, as if she was afraid of him.

‘’I’m fine, no need to take a look’’ she quickly answered.

‘’It seems profonde, you sure you don’t need to get checked on?’’ he continued, hoping she was alright.

‘’It’s not the most painful wound of the day, Saul. Now out, the two of you’’

Her words damaged him, of course they did. But he was in no place to judge nor to say anything. He lowered his head and turned around, leaving the love of his life hurt, by a sharp piece of glass, and mostly, by himself. He had to fix this, he couldn’t leave this situation like that.

***

She wouldn’t have thought a piece of glass could hurt so much. It may sound stupid, but it was pure truth. She had been a soldier, the best of her battalion. She had faced many battles, she had been injured many times, her body keeping trace of it. She had almost died fighting a Burned One. And yet, that little piece of mirror was giving her a hell of a pain. Saul had been right. The injury was deep, and didn’t look good at all. She had taken care of it, but the sting was really persistent, refusing to let her rest.

But it was not the only disturbance refusing her tranquility. And not the worst.

‘That was not very nice of him, was it? Reminding you of your worthless existence…’ the voice kept taunting her.

Farah silently smirked, it had been quite a while since she had come to her, mocking her.

‘You must be really bored lately, something’s bothering you? Is the time long in stasis?’ she thought back, glad when she felt irritation in her old mentor’s mind.

‘And I thought you have learnt your place, I guess I was wrong again, dearest. But I was not the only one wrong about you… I’m glad he finally opened his eyes on you, took him damn time’

Farah did not answer, she just sighed. Was she right? Was Saul finally having enough of her? Was it really better for him, being away from her?

‘Oh, dear, sweet Farah, of course he is! Just like your child, better without you!’ concluded the wicked voice in her head.

‘’Enough!’’ she yelled, her eyes flashing sliver, inflicting her prisoner a sharp pain.

Rosalind tended to forget that if she could come inside her head uninvited, so could she. Every time she had done it, Farah had made sure she wouldn’t be tempted for a long period of time. She knew it was just temporary, every time. Rosalind was stubborn and never missing an occasion to torment her, even if she got hurt in the process. Inflicting her pain was worth it. It had always worthed it.

She had always thought herself stronger than Farah. She was wrong. She was not stronger, she just didn’t have any ounce of morality, of humanity. Once, Farah had admired her, thinking of her as a mentor, as a role model. She had been wronged, in many ways. Rosalind had abused her, abused her trust, abused her feelings. If Saul hadn’t been there to protect her and to open her eyes…

Saul… every road led to Saul… it was inevitable.

She sighed and sat on her couch, taking her book again. She didn’t know why she was pretending, she was not interested in Hercule Poirot’s adventures tonight. Her mind kept thinking about what she should do. Should she try to sort things out with him? Or should she push him away again? It had all started like that, the deterioration of their relationship, by her pushing him away. But on the other hand, it had also started by him hurting her, knowingly. She didn’t know what to do, she had never been so lost and helpless before.

Her thoughts were disturbed by a knocking on the door, a soft one. She huffed, understanding who was on the other side. She stood up and steadily went to the door. She mid-opened it and watched him on the other side. There he stood, a bouquet of roses in his hands, like he was taking her on a fancy date. His hair was messy, his gaze sad and full of hope at the same time. He looked so ridiculously handsome.

Reluctantly, she opened the front door and let him in. It seemed risky, she didn’t know what he was going to say. And she didn’t know what she wanted to hear from him.

He put the flowers on the table and looked at his surroundings. She understood quickly what he was doing, checking if anything was not at its place, if something was out of the ordinary. He had always done that after her breakdowns, ensuring that she had not hurt herself, willingly or not. It touched her, in a way. But deep down, she wanted to tell him that she had no need of self-harming today, he had done a pretty good job himself.

They stood face to face, neither of them knowing what to do, what to say. Farah avoided eye-contact. The last time he had glared at her with that desperate look in his eyes, they had almost ended up in bed. If a phone call hadn’t stopped them, they would have crossed the line again, for sure. She had been relieved that day. She had also been disappointed.

‘’Thanks… I mean, thank you for letting me in… I’m aware I don’t deserve it…’’ he began, timidly.

‘’Well, I figured you wouldn’t leave me alone, better now than later’’ she answered dryly, glaring at her own crossed arms.

‘’Yea… probably’’ he confessed ‘’look Farah… I know what I said was unforgivable—‘’

‘’Then, why did you say it? You, of all people, know what it would do to me’’ she met his eyes for the first time since he’d entered her suite, her own pleading for answers.

‘’I don’t know…’’

‘’Well, ask yourself that question! It was not just an insult, not just a mean thing to say to someone! You attacked me! You threw the most terrible part of my life to my face! Why? What did I do for you to do that?!’’ she argued, sincerely hoping the answer would heal her wound.

‘’You did nothing wrong, Farah, the problem was not you!’’ he tried, not wanting her to believe that any of this was her fault.

‘’Then, what was it? What could have been so terrible for you to shout this to me! Tell me, Saul! I deserve to know’’ she begged.

‘’I was frustrated…’’ he confessed, but she did not let that go.

‘’Frustrated? Frustrated! You shot an arrow in my heart just because of some frustration! Do you think I’m a fool?!’’ her eyes were red with rage. ‘’Silva! If you still carry an ounce of respect for me, tell me the truth!’’

‘’Fine! I was mad, fucking mad at you! I almost died and when I most needed you, you went away, got laid and came back like nothing happened!’’ he finally spat out, admitting why he had hurt her.

The confession struck her. She couldn’t quite believe her ears. How dare he? How dare he accused her of leaving him! She had remained by his side, every single moment!

‘’And I know! I know you’re not mine anymore, but it fucking hurts when you’re not there! It’s fucking suffocating when you’re away from me! So imagine when I know you’re out there, with another man! That a piece of shit is putting his dirty hands all over you when I cannot be with you anymore!’’

‘’But as you reminded, I don’t belong to you anymore, Saul! It’s not like I have been indiscreet about my personal life! I don’t show anything, I don’t talk about anything, I don’t brag around about my number of partners!’’

‘’I know, but—‘’

‘’There is no but, Saul! Unlike me, you’ve never witnessed anything, I’ve always kept it secret to protect you, not to hurt you. But I’m a grown woman and I have needs, sorry to tell you that!’’ she argued, feeling like she had been caught making out with her boyfriend by her parents.

‘’Yes, Farah, I know all of that, but it was hard for me not to have you when—‘’ he tried, but she cut him off, needing to say this.

‘’But can’t you see it! The issue is there! We’ve always been there for one another, our whole life. First as friends, then as partners, and back as friends again! It cannot work, Saul, this is impossible. Two people who shared what we had cannot be friends after everything that happened, and it’s been foolish to believe otherwise!’’ she admitted, defeated.

‘’What? No, of course we—‘’

‘’No, this proved it! You will always expect me to be there for you, but more importantly, you’ll always hope that I’ll go back to you one day! This cannot work, this’’ she waved her hand between their two figures ‘’we thought we could manage, but we clearly cannot, we have to stop’’

The words hit him hard in the stomach, cutting the breath out of his system. He could affirm, without exaggerating, that being injured by a Burned One or Rosalind herself, had never hurt that much. After all they’d been through, she couldn’t seriously suggest that they shall remain apart, more than they already were. What would it be like anyway?

‘’What are you… what do you mean we have to stop? What should we stop?’’ he asked, fearing the answer.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed, did she really want to say this? Did she really want to do this? To put an end to their routine, their way of living? Of course not, she never wanted to let him go. But she had to, they were doing too much damage to one another. This must stop, before it was unreversible. Taking a deep breath, she met his eyes again.

‘’I mean, we won’t see each other anymore, aside from work. We won’t dine together, we won’t confide in each other, we… we won’t share a bed when we’re not feeling well… we will just work together, as Headmistress Dowling and Headmaster Silva, there won’t be Farah and Saul anymore’’ she explained, her heart breaking at every word she pronounced.

She heard it, the way his breathing got stuck in his throat. She knew she was hurting him, but it was for his own good, and for hers.

A lump formed in her throat at the sight of him grabbing one of her chairs for support. His breathing was laborious and his hands shaking. He was on the verge of crying, and it destroyed her to know it was because of her.

‘’No… no, we cannot do that…’’ he muttered, before looking back at her ‘’I know I’ve messed up, that I deserve to be punished but… don’t—‘’

‘’This is the problem, Saul, it’s not about you been chastised! Our relationship is toxic! We have to protect each other, from one another, from ourselves!’’ she tried again, taking a step towards him.

‘’But I can’t!’’ he met her halfway, cradling her face in his palms ‘’I can’t live without you, don’t ask me that, Farah. Please, please, my love, don’t ask me to rip the other part of my soul…’’ he whispered, eyes glistering with tears.

She caught her breath. She had expected him to react this way, to tell her he couldn’t let her go. And truth be told, she would have been devastated if he had not.

She wanted nothing more than this proximity they were having. Nothing but letting him comfort her. Nothing but ripping his clothes off and forget all those years apart. She just wanted to be his again. But it was impossible, today had proved her that it was. She had taken her failure and his words as an omen: they should never be together again. It was probably better this way after all, it was doing too much damage, causing too much pain.

Slowly, she put his hands away from her face and backed away from him. She took a deep breath and put back on her headmistress mask. She looked into his eyes and didn’t let those broken stormy spheres clouded her judgment. She had made her decision, he had to accept it, for good. As much as it was breaking her in half, it was the only reasonable thing to do. They had to really move on. For their own sake.

‘’I understand how difficult it may sound, but I won’t change my mind’’ she said, making him see this was the end of the discussion. ‘’Now, if you’ll excuse me, I would like to go to bed’’ she added, just wanting him to leave her, so she could cry herself to sleep.

He nodded blankly, getting it was time for him to go, to leave her, alone, all by herself, probably forever. Unconsciously, he took a look around, wanting to remember this place that used to be his solace, his sanctuary. Not that it was an uncommon room, not very fancy, but it was hers. Every fiber of this place contained her essence: her book shells, her living room, her kitchen, her bedroom… Everything. And he would never see it again, because she will never allow him here again, all because of his pride, his hurt ego.

Automatically, his feet carried him to the entrance of her suite, his soul completely turned off. He had done it, he had finally done it: he had destroyed all the happiness he had once, with her. It was well deserved. He had jeopardized their bond, too many times. He had kept pushing her, never stopping, not when she had needed it. He had been selfish, just wanting to be with her, feeling like she was in need of him too. He had been wrong, she had been over him for a really long time. And now, it was just the moment to accept it, definitely.

When his hand reached for the doorknob, she called for him, making him stop in his track.

‘’Saul, you might not see it right now, but I’m doing this for us’’ she told him casually, as if she was reporting an accident in her magic class.

He swallowed hard and without casting her a glance, he answered.

‘’You’re right, Farah, I don’t see it, and I will never see it. But if it’s what you want, I’ll surrender. Goodnight, Headmistress Dowling, I’ll get you your key back tomorrow’’ he concluded, exiting her place, leaving her with her own thoughts.

As soon as he was gone, her body let her down. She collapsed on the floor loudly, burying her head in her hands, screaming from emotional pain. She had rarely wept that much. She knew she was doing the right thing, it didn’t mean it was easy to accept. She just wanted to run after him and take him in her arms again, to tell him that she’ll always love him. But she couldn’t, she wouldn’t.

Instead, she let her magic burst out without any control, hurting herself physically in many places. She didn’t care, she needed the pain, more than ever. And despite the blood leaving her body, and her consciousness evaporating, nothing anesthetized her aching heart, nothing will ever do again.

She had lost him, for good.

THE END

No I’m kidding! It’s far from the end!

Chapter Text

Everything looked grey today. The weather, the wall she was looking at, her outfit, her soul.

Farah had never been a fan of the grey color. When she was a little girl, she was always dressed up like this by the women at the orphanage. Those shrews, as the other kids used to call them, hated everything that made life a little cheerful, including colors. So, their uniform was grey, from head to toe. And not a really nice tone of grey, of course. A sad grey, a lifeless one.

Therefore, growing up, she had learnt to hate that shade, wanting to dress only with vivid colors. She was a mess of pastel when she had first arrived at Alfea, looking like a living and walking rainbow. That could have seemed extremely contradictory. She was dressed like a little ray of sunshine, and had the mind of a thundercloud. No one could have blamed her, not even Andreas. Her childhood had been miserable. She had survived it, she had survived much before coming to this school so dear to her heart.

She remembered feeling a total renewal there. Her grey world had suddenly turned into a colorful one, inhabited by amazing people. Ben, Rose, Andreas at this time, and… and the most colorful boy she had ever met. Saul had transcended her world, showing her its beauty, its worth. Since she had met him, she had never seen things in a greyish way.

Until now…

It had been nine days since they had that talk in her suite. Well, more accurately, since she had pushed him away for good, telling him that they couldn’t keep doing this, loving each other from afar. She had meant it, and she still did. But it didn’t mean it was easy for her.

It was easy; to see her as the villain in this situation. She was not, she was just trying to protect herself. She had really thought they could do this, stay that close and that far away at the same time. Truthfully, a small part of her had hoped that one day, they would reconcile, they would get back together, perhaps start a family again… It had been foolish, she realized it now. She had been incredibly selfish, forcing him to remain apart, and yet together. She should have ripped the bandage in one fast move, not little by little. She had hurt him, hurting herself in the process.

Things had to stop, whether he could see it or not.

Whether she could see it or not.

She sighed and went back to work. She had nothing better to do anyway. And soon, she will have to get ready for her lesson with Stella.

When she had informed Luna that she would give personal lessons to her daughter, she must confess she hadn’t looked forward to it. But it had turned surprisingly pleasant to become her mentor. Unlike her shrew of mother, Stella was kind, eager to please and possessed a good heart, as strange as it could seem considering her education. Farah had discovered she would have to destroy everything Luna had taught her in order to really help her, heal her.

Farah had been Luna’s roommate for a year when she had been a student. Even when she was just a princess, a teenage girl, she behaved terribly to people, wanting only strength and empowerment near her. Let’s face it, Luna had always been what Saul, Andreas and Ben called “a total bitch”. If Andreas could act like a rude fellow every now and then, he had never made them feel unworthy of his friendship, of his affection. Especially her…

Farah had always known the rough side of Luna and wasn’t excepting anything less from the Queen. But when she had learnt the birth of the little princess, she had had a tiny hope that she could become better, sweeter, for her own child. She had been too hopeful, as usual. There was no world where Luna could be less than a tyrant, even with someone who needed her love, her affection, her tenderness. A person she had made.

When she saw how Luna acted with Stella, it made her angry. Life was so unfair sometimes…

Therefore, she had decided to be that for Stella. Not a mother of course, but the incarnation of the guidance she had deeply missed. And that she deeply deserved.

***

Saul was a void. He had never felt that empty before. Well, never since he had met her.

Farah and him had met when they were only fifteen. They had quickly gotten along, after he had openly insulted her of being too strict and uptight for their age (with less courteous words…). She hadn’t let that go so easily, retorquing that he, on his part, was as stupid as impetuous. Yes, they had gotten along really quickly… Despite their cat-and-dog act, they were really fond of one another. So much that in the middle of their first year, they had officially bonded.

He laughed thinking about it. That bond had made Rosalind so angry. Farah and him had never felt the need to inform her about it. Therefore, when she had discovered it after they graduated high school, she had become mad, madder than he had ever seen her. Fay had taken it upon herself, not wanting him to get harmed by their so-called mentor. He remembered when she had exited the Headmistress’ office, she couldn’t even walk, he had to carry her back to her suite. But despite of her hating for the situation, there was nothing Rosalind could have done about it. She was forced to accept it, and Saul was persuaded that it was exactly the issue. She had always hated to be forced to do anything, even more when it had come to Farah. The old hag had always wanted Farah to pair with Andreas, the epitome of masculinity, of strength. But Fate had decided that Fay would be his, that she would be his bonded fairy. And since the day the bond had formed within them, he had never felt truly alone.

Until now.

He couldn’t believe she had truly done that, that she had destroyed their bond. He had always believed it to be completely impossible. And yet, she had found a way.

He couldn’t hear her, he couldn’t feel her anymore. And that feeling was worse than anything he had ever experiment. He was so used to carrying her with him, everywhere he went. It was like a part of him had been ripped off his body. The best part of him.

He felt lonely, miserable, a complete mess.

And the worst in this, he didn’t know how she was doing, couldn’t read her mind, feel her feelings. But he imagined she was alright. He didn’t have any reason to believe otherwise. The few and furtive times he had seen her since they (she) had decided to put a definitive end to their relationship, she had seemed perfectly fine, acting like nothing was out of the ordinary. And it’d pained him, angered him to no point.

How could she do that? How could she crush his heart in her palm like they had never meant anything to her and like everything was normal?

Had she no sense of compassion? Of decency?

But of course she wasn’t touched by this, she had someone else now. He wasn’t of any use anymore. Someone else was making her happy, making her feel cherished and loved, making her moan—

‘’Oh come one! Stop that! Right now!’’

‘’Yea, I’m sorry, it went too far’’ he apologized, knowing that Sky should really not hear about that kind of things.

‘’Fuck, Silva! You’re talking about my mo—, about Farah! And you’re the one talking about decency?! Seriously?’’ he was disgusted, not wanting to imagine her in any compromising situation, with or without Saul for that matters.

‘’Yes, you’re right, I know, I’m sorry’’ he lowered his head, feeling extremely ashamed. ‘’I shouldn’t even talk about that with you, it’s not your problem and I don’t want to put you between the two of us, sorry buddy’’ he concluded, patting his shoulder.

‘’Yes, you shouldn’t be… but I understand that you don’t want to talk about it with Uncle Ben, and I was the one asking you how you were feeling, it’s my fault’’ Sky comforted him.

He was still mad at him for what he had had the nerve to say to Farah. But since she had dumped him (again), he was a complete wreck. Sky could easily understand it. Despite his current anger towards her, unjustified by the way, Farah remained his true love, his oxygen, his reason to carry on, to wake every morning, to live. And Sky would never hit a wounded man, a great man had taught him that.

And at least, he was talking about it. Unlike a certain someone.

“How’s sleep?” the young man asked, worried about the answer.

Saul snorted and Sky understood it immediately. Since the war, Saul had always had sleeping issues. It had intensified after his and Farah’s break up. So he couldn’t even imagine his actual state.

“I took pills, but it didn’t help, I feel so lonely without her in my head…’’ he confessed, his hand tightening on his sword, the simple mention of his fairy enough to tear him apart again.

“Did you ask Uncle Ben for a potion? I’m sure it could—‘’

“I don’t need a potion, Sky, I need Farah’’ he muttered sadly.

Sky felt his heart clench. To other people, he might look a little grumpy lately, nothing out of the ordinary. To Ben and Riven, he seemed like a broken man, who got his heart shattered by his late girlfriend, nothing that time won’t repair. To Sky, it was far more profound. He was like an addict being deprived of his addiction, forced to get clean in a fraction of second. And it worried him. Because Farah was not his only addiction. There was another one, more liquid, more dangerous and noticeable to other people.

Sky knew nothing of it of course, but after Saul had killed his father, he used to drink almost a bottle of whiskey every day. He didn’t know the reason, but Sky had heard about this part of Saul’s life, knowing well enough that If Farah hadn’t been there, he wouldn’t have made it, he would have become a complete mess, swallowed by alcohol and an inexplicable guilt. Yes, Farah and him had splat up back then, but she had remained here, by his side, as a friend.

But now… now Sky was extremely worried about his dad. And he didn’t know how to tell him.

So he just stayed there, listening to him, comforting him. Or at least, trying to.

But what he didn’t know, because he was no mind fairy, was that Saul had already embraced his old and missed liquid friend again. Right the night Farah had shattered him, he had found comfort in the arms of another late mistress: vodka. And since, he had drunk, every night, or whenever he was alone. He was actually doing a pretty good job at hiding it.

If Farah had been around, of course she would have noticed. But she wasn’t there anymore, avoiding him like the plague. So, he was free, free to succumb to his impulse, his filthy and destructive need. If he couldn’t have her, at least, he would be free to destroy himself this time. Slowly but surely. Nobody will notice, nobody will stop him, and he was perfectly fine with it.

And yet, he was so unwell. And someone was feeling it, the last person he would have ever imagined. That said person didn’t know what was going on with him, but she could feel it, deep down in her bones. And it scared her.

***

Stella was feeling so proud. She had done it, she had regained enough control on her magic! She had blinded a Burned One! A freaking Burned One!

Farah could feel her pride, even without trying to. And it was well deserved. After everything she had been through, she had every right to feel giddy about her prowess. She had contributed to kill this creature, skillfully and while being terrified by it and her magic. The Headmistress was extremely content, it meant one thing, her method was working, she was rehabilitating Stella.

It was an important mission for her. She cared about all her students’ wellbeing. But Stella wasn’t like every student. She was a princess, who had received responsibilities the second she was born. Unlike every young girl her age, she couldn’t live properly. She always had to be careful, to be responsible, to show strength and carefulness. And the worst, she was Luna’s daughter.

If Stella could seem cold, spoiled, pretentious and capricious to the outside world, Farah knew perfectly this was just a façade. And that said façade would crumble down the instant her mother would cross the room. Immediately, Stella would turn into a fragile little girl, unsure and terrorized by her queen-mother.

It pained her, every time. Stella was truly a good young woman, full of empathy and good intentions. Luna ruined her, teaching her to control and not to help, forcing her to use bad emotions to get a control over herself. She had built her using her doubts, her vulnerability, her lack of confidence and her fears. To control her, to ensure her power over her.

And Farah didn’t need to be a mother to know that it was not what a mother was supposed to do. She didn’t need to have a mother to know that it was not what a mother was supposed to do.

But fortunately, right now, it was just the two of them, in their bubble of protection, of self-confidence and trust.

“With what I just did lately, don’t you think we could try something a little harder?” the princess tried, desperately wanted to test her limits, to show Miss Dowling she could do everything, with her by her side.

“Yes, we could, but we won’t’’ Farah answered calmly, smiling softly. She liked when Stella was feeling comfortable enough to speak her mind with her. It happened more frequently lately.

“You don’t think I can do it?’’

“I have no doubts you can do it, I just have something else in mind’’ she clarified.

Stella nodded, knowing she was telling her the truth. When she had been informed that she would have personal sessions with Miss Dowling, she had considered herself really lucky, after what had happened with Ricki. She had really thought she would have been expelled. But Miss Dowling had given her another chance to prove that she wasn’t the failure her mother believed her to be. Or the monster her mother wanted people to see.

At first, sessions with Miss Dowling had been scary, challenging and exhausting. But quickly, they had turned out to be the best moments of her week, the most comforting ones. This office, once huge and unfamiliar, had rapidly become her sanctuary, her safe place. And Miss Dowling, once intimidating and strict, had become her confident, her solace.

And she really hoped that she wasn’t too mad about their latest escapade. Well, as she put it, their perilous, thoughtless, almost-mortal adventure. It had been almost two weeks and during their past encounters, she hadn’t said anything about it, clearly done with the topic. But Stella couldn’t help but wonder, was she still mad? In their defense, it had been solely intended to save Mr. Silva. So… it wasn’t that bad, right?

“Yes, this is a way to see things, although, I think the punishment you girls received was well deserved’’ Farah said, smiling a little when she saw Stella’s face reddening.

‘’Damn it! I always forget you’re a mind fairy!” the princess groaned, not caring about her language, Miss Dowling and her were passed that truly.

“People tend to. Now, shall we?’’

Farah really did her best to keep focus during the training. But it was hard, the injuries she had inflicted herself the day before wouldn’t leave her alone. She perfectly knew it was not a healthy coping mechanism, but nothing else worked. She had tried meditation, work, books… She refused to try sex again. The only person her body craved was the last person she wanted to see. She had considered going back to Grace, but she had quickly dismissed the idea. That sweet girl wasn’t a toy between her hands. She was a person, a very kind and loving person who unfortunately fell for the wrong person.

Just like Saul…

Saul…

He was everywhere, in everything.

She had thought that shutting the bond would keep her from thinking about him. What a foolish idea! Everywhere she would go, all she could feel, see, breathe, was him, always him.

She needed to find a way to let him go, to live and not survive without him. After all, it had been her decision, she had to stick by what she had chosen.

And right now, she hadn’t found another way but hurting herself.

It had started as an accident. While preparing dinner, her mind hadn’t kept quiet, screaming at her to go to him. In a futile attempt to make it stop, she had used her magic and yelled at herself, cutting her own hand in the process. And then, she had felt it: the silence. Where the missing, the longing was, something else had formed: pain. And as unhealthy as it might sound, she preferred it. She’d rather have the pain coming from her body than her mind.

At first, she had pricked her fingers with needles. It hadn’t been enough. Therefore, she had started punching things. Still not enough. She had come home and the knife had been there, so shiny, so sharp. She hadn’t thought, she had taken it in her hand and had cut herself. The relief she had felt while feeling her pain had been so welcomed. But as she had seen the blood running from her wrist, she had gotten terrified of herself. She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t put her body in so much danger. Honestly, she was only afraid she would get used to it and that she would try something darker, far more dangerous than knives on her wrists.

So, here she was, using her magic to cut herself more discreetly, to burn herself, to hurt and damage her body, where people couldn’t see it. Near her ribs, under her thighs, on her shoulder blades… everywhere she could reach without people noticing.

And yet, she hadn’t been careful enough, because a certain princess standing nearby had noticed something on her wrist, the old cut she had inflicted herself. Stella had also seen the way she was standing today, and had quickly understood that something was off.

Like everybody in Alfea, she had felt the change between the Headteachers of the school. But Stella wasn’t like everybody, she was Sky’s girlfriend. Therefore, she knew what Silva had said to her, and that she had broken up with him, for good this time. The princess didn’t blame her, she didn’t think of anything worse to say than this. But she could see right now that Miss Dowling was suffering from the situation, immensely. She had wondered if she should say something. It wasn’t her place, but she cared deeply for Miss Dowling, and she was worried about her and her wellbeing.

But right now, seeing those marks, she knew she must act, or at least try to talk to Sky about it. Those wounds weren’t accidents or carelessness. They were self-inflicted, she had done this enough to identify them without a doubt.

While practicing, she kept glancing at her mentor and saw clear as day she wasn’t feeling well. She had known Miss Dowling for awhile now. She had always looked impeccable, strict, stern, yet soft and gentle. Now, she was grabbing onto things to hold herself, wincing from the pain she must be feeling, closing her eyes to focus and greeting her teeth to function properly. She looked so far from the fairy she had always admired. And it scared her. Did her break up with Silva hurt that much?

Yes, and she had no idea how much.

“Miss Dowling? Are you okay?” she asked, gently, not wanting to pressure her.

“Yes, Stella, a little tired from the late events, that’s all” she answered a little too quickly, composing herself immediately.

“Are you sure—”

A knock on the door restrained her from asking more, and she silently cursed the person behind it. Farah, on the other hand, felt relieved. She wasn’t comfortable lying to Stella when she was only concerned about her and her health. But she couldn’t tell her the truth either.

“Oh, yes I forgot about that. I’m truly sorry, Stella, I have an appointment with the Headmaster from Eraklyon. I’m afraid I have to abort the session” Farah apologized, masking her gratitude.

“Don’t worry, I’ll see you Friday then?”

“See you on Friday. By the way, you did very well today, you’re making a lot of progress, I’m glad’’ she complimented, always insisting on what Stella did good, rather than on her little imperfections.

“Thank you, Miss Dowling, see you on Friday”, she grabbed her bag and left the room in a hasty pace. She had to find Sky, right now.

***

“You look like shit, man” Riven told his friend, holding out his hand for him to grab. They had been trying to practice, but it went nowhere. None of them was in the mood, a blind man could have seen it.

“Thanks, I know that’’ he answered, grabbing his hand to stand up.

It was pure truth, and he didn’t need to be reminded. But he couldn’t help it. The situation between his parents was killing him. Not because he was an egocentric little brat who wanted his mom and dad to get back together, nor because he knew they belonged together. No, he was anxious, worried about them, constantly asking himself what they were doing to deal with their pain, their anger and their frustration. To other people, they seem perfectly fine, meaning one thing, away from prying eyes, they were acting recklessly. Both in their own, dramatic, way.

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting, maybe they’re just blowing off the steam with other people! You know, just like regular people!” Riven kept telling him, not wanting Sky to torture himself about it, this situation didn’t concern him after all.

In a way, he couldn’t worry that much. To him, Miss Dowling and Silva had just broken up, it wasn’t that big a deal. After all, a lot of people had gone through a breakup, and most of them were still alive. On the other hand, most of those said people hadn’t been through what those two had known (and Riven didn’t know half of it).

What he didn’t tell Sky was that Terra and him had found something. When he had come to the Greenhouse, she had told him to fuck off. Of course she had, he had acted like a jerk with her, as usual, even more at the party at the Specialists’ Hall. But when he had told her about Silva, she had agreed to help him. He had described her his attitude, his body language, his verbal language, without omitting a single detail. She had asked a lot of questions, too many in his opinion. But what he had given her wasn’t enough. Just like him, she was persuaded someone had done something to Sliva, amplifying the effects of the Burned One’s infection. But how? Without taking a look at him, she couldn’t tell. Therefore, they had been doing their best to solve this mystery.

But it wasn’t easy. Since the breakup, Silva was distant with everyone, even with Sky. Nobody could approach him, let alone observe him. And even if they could get a close look on him, the proofs they needed would probably be gone by now. If Riven was pessimistic, Terra on the other hand was convinced that they will find something. Unlike Riven, she knew the flora and its virtues. She was certain she would find a way to uncover the truth and help her uncle.

At some point, Riven was glad to work with Terra again, he had missed it. He didn’t like to lie to Sky about something that important, but if he was wrong, he didn’t want to give him high hopes just to crush them down.

“You don’t know them like I do, he’s a mess without her, and she… she’s—”

“Way to good for him” Riven concluded, obtaining a glare from his friend, and a slap on his chest.

“I still don’t get it, I don’t understand why he told her that! It’s so unlike him! I mean, he threatened the Queen for saying that! The fucking Queen! It makes no fucking sense!” he groaned, frustrated with the situation, with his incomprehension.

“Hmm… dude—” Riven began, but got interrupted by a distant call.

“Sky!”

They turned their head in the direction of the shouting and saw Brandon, a first year specialist running to them, hastily. Seeing his state, Riven tensed up, getting the feeling he won’t like it.

“What is it? What happened?” Sky asked him, grabbing his shoulders.

“It’s-it’s Silva—” he began, breathlessly.

“What? What’s with him? Come on! Speak!” the young man urged him.

“Sky, give him air, he’s drained”

He apologized and gave the poor guy a moment to breath and recover. He knew he was making them lose precious time, but it was hard for him to remain calm and rational, especially lately.

After taking several seconds to get some air back into his system, Brandon breathed deeply and told them that during his last lecture, Silva hadn’t seemed well, not at all. He had been sweaty, looking weak and tired. He was shaking and on the verge of fainting. Understanding that something was off, one of the specialists, Eva, had stood up to go to the Greenhouse, but Silva had gotten mad like never before, shouting at her to sit back. Brandon swore he had never seen him this intimidating, he had really thought he would march to Eva and put her at her place, physically. And right after the girl had given up on getting Professor Harvey, the Headmaster had mumbled something uncomprehensible before falling to the ground, limp and hot.

Sky closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. That was it. He had been right all along. Silva had started drinking again. He was slowly falling back into alcoholism, because he simply couldn’t live without her. This was a nightmare, a fucking nightmare.

***

She observed the scene from afar, looking at the man she had drugged with a strange feeling: compassion. She didn’t know why, but seeing him on the floor, drunk as hell and suffering like a dead man was striking something within her. It wasn’t supposed to feel like this. She was supposed to enjoy his pain, to savour it. But instead, she was worried about him. She hadn’t expected his breakup with Farah to be that hard, that destroying. Yes, Andreas had told her how much that woman meant to him, but still. He wasn’t just lost without her, he was on the verge of insanity.

And she had done that to him, she was the reason behind his pain, his suffering.

And she hated it, not knowing why. She wasn’t supposed to be touched by his sadness, but for some reason, it made her sad too.

But not as sad as seeing the current state of Farah.

She pretended she was alright, but she knew she was far away from it. And the mark she had seen on her wrist today had done nothing to ease her nerves. She had done something terrible, to both of them. Like she was supposed to do.

But she didn’t like it. She didn’t want to do it.

She had to find a way to help her, to help them, to repair her mistake. Yes, she had already prevented the Burned One from killing Silva. But she had also released it.

And if Andreas found out about it, she will simply tell him it was solely for Farah. This way, he wouldn’t find something to say. Yes, he wanted to hurt him badly, but never at Farah’s price.

She stood up from her bench and went straight to the library, there, she would surely find a way to help Sliva and Farah, secretly. She had to stop this madness.

Chapter Text

She hadn’t gone to see him. She couldn’t.

She had been informed of what had happened, but she hadn’t found in her the courage to face him, to face what she had done to him. She had known him long enough, well enough to understand what was behind all of this. He had started drinking again, because she had rejected him, because she had injured him.

And she hadn’t felt it. Because the bond was now shut. Saul believed it to be broken, but he was wrong. It was unbreakable.

Rosalind had tried her best to undo it, with her mind, with her spells, with her whips. She had failed, each time, breaking her a little more every time. And Farah had looked in every book at the library, called everyone she knew who would know about it. They were unanimous, breaking a bond once formed was impossible. Nothing could unmake it, no magic, no hit, no will. Farah had been relieved to know that, because it had meant one thing: she would never be alone again, Saul would remain by her side, no matter what. And for the little, unloved orphan, it had been everything.

But what had once been a blessing was now a curse. Being forced to always be connected to the person you love and hate the most at the same time could reasonably be compared to damnation. Although, she wasn’t sure the word ‘hate’ was accurate to describe what she felt for him, neither was despise. Right now, she would compare Saul to an addiction: he ignited a constant need within her, a passionate one, a destroying one. And like every addiction, a prolonged contact would be enough to make her succumb again. If she really wanted to protect them both, she couldn’t surrender to her impulse, she had to resist, one way or another.

Teaching helped. When she was with her students, she had to focus on them. Only them mattered, not her, not Saul, not her wounded arms, just them. She was getting considerably late in her paperwork, but it was for the best. Every moment alone was a challenge. Being alone meant being unoccupied. Being unoccupied meant thinking about Saul. And thinking about Saul fatally led to pain, cuts, bruises, concussions… She couldn’t name half of the things she had done to herself lately, out of shame, and out of denial. Not talking about the problem usually meant there was no problem, right? She knew this strategy wouldn’t last forever. But she couldn’t deal with the future right now, only with today. And for now it was enough.

She felt pride watching those little bourgeons start to bloom, slowly but surely. Especially her little Terra. The young girl she had helped to raise was gaining confidence every day, turning into the powerful earth fairy she had always seen in her. Bloom had made significant progress too, like what, listening to the old and boring headmistress could pay sometimes.

Her gaze drifted suddenly on Beatrix. Farah had always been disturbed whenever she was around, feeling that this little and arrogant redhead had a secret to hide, a secret that could shatter her world. She was always lurking in the shadow, trying to get her attention, to compliment her for nothing, to be in her way. It was annoying really, Farah had never liked grovelers.

But recently, something had started to shift. Beatrix had drastically changed, passing from smothering and haughty to reserved and shy. Farah still felt her prying eyes on her, but it was different from before. She had tried to get through her mind, but whoever had trained her was an excellent teacher. Her head was imperceptible. And surprisingly, she had found herself worrying a little for the girl. Even if she was convinced the little storm did not want her good, there was something magnetizing about her.

Walking towards her desk, she saw that the exercise she had given them did not seem to pick on her interest. She was resting her head on her hand, looking more sleepy than stormy. Farah suppressed a smile, she was quite endearing like this. Although she wondered what had happened last night to keep her from resting. She just hoped it wasn’t anything… intimate…

Farah had never liked to think about what her students could do behind the closed doors of their chambers. It could seem hypocritical, considering what she had done herself many nights in her life, but they still were children…

But it was not Riven who had kept Beatrix from sleeping, but books and in a certain way, Farah herself. Since she had witnessed the consequences of her reckless actions, the girl had tried to find a way to help Farah and Silva to confess their feelings again. She had gone with mind-fairy magic but had just failed, she wasn’t powerful enough, especially with a fairy like the Alfean headmistress. She then had picked a babbling spell, using it on Silva when she had come to see him at the infirmary. It had worked, he had confessed everything in his sleep, things she wished she had never heard, really…

So she had tested it, again, again, and again. But each time, when she tried to make him speak about his feelings and not about the things he wanted to do to her, he ended up crying in his sleep, on the verge of waking up. After the fifth attempt, and almost getting caught by Professor Harvey, she had given up, there was no way she could force him to admit his feelings out loud. And even if she could, he wouldn’t end up telling her about his love, but trying to undress to, and she quoted: “kiss every spot of her perfect and arousing body”. Just thinking about it made her want to gag.

Three days ago, she had been pleased discovering the obsession spell. But then, she had given it a second thought and realized that if Silva was so intense with a simple confessing spell, she didn’t want to know what he could do to Farah if she really became his obsession… It could be disgusting at best, terrifying and dangerous at worst.

Last night, in the library, she had almost given up on it, sadly realizing that she probably had broken them up forever. But as she had started to hope again, she had been discovered by Mrs. Barbatea, the old librarian ordering her to go back to her suite if she didn’t want her to inform Miss Dowling about her latest activities. What a hag! But Bea had not wanted to risk it. If she was determined to help Farah, the last thing she wanted was for her to know about it. So, like a good little girl, she had obeyed, obviously hiding the book within her skirt. Back to her room, she had finished it up and realized this was her solution! If she couldn’t act on Farah and Silva’s feeling, at least, she could help Riven and Terra proving that the headmaster had been poisoned. Of course, she could also confess this, but it would mean losing Farah’s esteem and trust forever. And although she did not understand why, she’d rather set the whole school on fire than facing Farah’s disappointment.

She had spent the rest of her night on the recipe of the potion, searching for the ingredients in the Greenhouse inventory. She had slept two, three hours at best, but it had worth it! Everything was in the school, including the most delicate part: Silva’s sweat. She had thought it would be impossible for it to contain the trace of her doing, but fortunately, the decoction will reveal it nevertheless. She didn’t know how she will get it, but considering that he was nothing less but the specialist headmaster, it must not be that hard.

What was hard, on the other hand, was to remain conscious in class, even under Farah’s supervision. She dreamt of only one thing: her bed! And though the task was not a complicated one, she had drifted off doing it, falling half asleep on her own hand, electricizing herself in the process. She half jumped and shook her head right and left. That hurt! Wincing from the pain, she was glad no one noticed, no one, except Farah of course…

“That must sting, does not it?” she asked, smiling a little.

“Well, now at least, I understand what people feel when I use lightnings against them… not that bad, huh?” she tried, but it was vain.

“And yet, I thought the beds I furnished your rooms with were comfortable enough for you to actually sleep in them, how wrong was I” she said sarcastically.

“Well, they are, of course, it’s just that I had a little insomnia last night…” Bea rolled her eyes in her own head, what kind of shitty lie was that!

“Insomnia? Well, if you like, I could provide a sleeping spell for your little problems, if it could have you focused and well rested in class”

Bea analyzed her face a little longer than necessary. She could understand why Silva was so in love with her and transcended by her beauty. She was attracting, not just physically, there was something about her, making people gravitating towards her. Last time she had seen Andreas, he had confirmed it, suggesting her to be cautious when it came to her. She could seduce everyone and everything, even or especially, without intending to. She was calm, composed, soothing, beautiful, smart, empathic… The more she got to be around her, the more she understood why her dad was in love with her, even after all those years of unrequired feelings. She seemed to do that to people, to create need within them. Not for presence, for love and approbation.

“I… I don’t know if you’re serious, or if you just want for me to stop sleeping during class” she finally admitted, not knowing what to tell her, aside from ’please, love me’.

“Both” Farad replied, smiling kindly “you got me used to better, I hope this little down of yours is just caused by lack of sleep and not something I should be concerned about”

For a moment, she wished she could tell her the truth, that she could really confide the terrible position she had been put in. But she couldn’t, it would bring no good.

“Thank you, Miss D—owling, everything is fine, I’ll be at my 100% next class, I swear” she promised, touched by her consideration.

Farah nodded her head, getting she wouldn’t obtain answers today. Although she had the impression the girl was opening herself to her. And for that, she was glad, it was her personal victory of the day.

Bea felt happy too. The little time she spent with her was enough now. And it would get better, she knew it. She had to talk to her, one day, she will confess her everything. And Farah would protect her, would forgive her. One day, she’ll be ready, she had decided.

***

“I told you I’m fine, I don’t need you to stop by every day” Saul sighed, opening the door for his friend, knowing there was no way he would let that go.

“I know, I just want to make sure, you were pretty shaken up last time I saw you” the earth fairy answered, putting his potions and meds on the counters of Saul’s kitchen. “So… how are you holding up?”

“I’m okay, must have been something I ate or drunk, I don’t know what to tell you, really” he answered nonchalantly, hands in his pockets.

“Hmm, I see, you really don’t know anything about it?” the man asked, arms crossed, back resting on the said counter.

“What do you want from me, man? I’m telling you I don’t know, why would I lie to you, especially about something that could damage my health?” he was getting nervous, knowing he won’t like the following questions, or affirmations in his case.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe for the same reason our beautiful headmistress didn’t come to see you when you were in the infirmary, not once…” he tried more directly.

Saul closed his eyes, he knew it was just a matter of time before Ben would understand something was off between him and Farah. And of course, passing out drunk as hell hadn’t help him to maintain their situation secret. He didn’t want to discuss it, he didn’t want to think about her at all.

“Well, why don’t you ask her about it? It was her decision not to come, not mine, I don’t know why she didn’t come, I’m rather hurt by the way” he faked indignation, his hurt on the other hand, was totally real.

“Cut the bullshit, Saul! You think I’m a fool? That I didn’t notice the two of you acted strange lately? Most of the time, I feel like I’m holding the candle between you, not that I mind, really. But now, you don’t talk to each other, you don’t see one another, you look completely broken and she seems like she wants to block her emotions with everyone, even me! What is going on, for Gods’ sake!” he yelled, having enough with their childish behavior.

“I lost her!” he cried out, putting his hands on his face.

He breathed out loudly, massaging his neck strongly, passing his living room, tears escaping his eyes. Why? Why would he insist for him to tell the truth, to admit out loud that he was completely lost and of no good without her? Why wouldn’t he leave him alone? Why wouldn’t anyone leave him alone? Why wouldn’t she come to him?! She knew he was a mess, she knew what had happened to him? Why did she not come? Why?

Ben sighed softly, he had the feeling that something had occurred between them, he just didn’t know what exactly. He still didn’t, but he felt like it was not important. Right now, he had to deal with Saul’s condition first, because if Farah had let go of him, it could only mean that alcohol had replaced her. He’ll ask details later, he must help his friend.

Nearing his fridge, he took a bottle of orange juice and served them two glasses, silently waiting for Saul to sit next to him, so they could talk. Though reluctantly, Silva sighed from exasperation and sat next to him, grabbing the glass vividly. He longed for something stronger, but he had to be content with it right now. He couldn’t drink in front of Ben. He’d have to wait.

Sipping his drink, Ben tapped his shoulder, “want to talk about it?”

Saul nodded his head no, there was nothing he wanted to talk about, no one he wanted to talk to, except for her. He had been unconscious for four days at the infirmary and couldn’t remember a thing. He had secretly hoped she would have come to visit. He couldn’t know it anymore, since she had broken their bond. But she hadn’t erased the hope in his heart. She should have, it would have been less painful than learning she hadn’t been by his side, not once.

That made him angry. He knew he had hurt her, but he had been in trouble, and she had just remained away, not caring a single time for his health, for his wellbeing. Was she already so detached? Had she already moved on?

“Did she tell you why she didn’t come?” he interrogated after few minutes of perfect silence.

Ben shrugged his shoulders, “She just said she couldn’t see you like this, that it was beyond her capacities”

Saul laughed coldly, what a nice way to turn the situation upside down. As usual, she was the hero and he was the piece of garbage. The noble and heartful Farah Dowling who couldn’t bear to see him, her former lover, drunk as hell was the same woman who had sternly and without concern crushed his heart. She had not seemed so anxious about him back them. How fucking hypocrite!

Ben felt uneasy all of a sudden. There was no need to be a mind fairy to feel his anger and resentment towards her. And to be completely honest, he could understand it. Whatever had been going on, she should have come to see him, for her, and for him. He’ll need to have a conversation with her on the matter. This situation couldn’t last.

“You know, for what it’s worth, I’m sure she—”

“Don’t, please don’t try to advocate for her, she’s a grown woman, if she wants to tell me something, she’ll do it herself, and apparently, she hasn’t planned on it” he cut him bitterly.

“Saul—” he tried again, knowing full well that it was too late, the Saul he knew was gone for now, replaced by his enraged copy. The one he had witness after Aster Dell, the one only Farah could get rid of.

“It was nice of you to stop by, Ben, thank you really, but as you said, I must rest. Plus, our sweet Headmistress must be in need of your talents, since her co-head cannot deal with anything right now”

It was peremptory, nothing that he would or could say would change his mind now. He just had to accept it and try to be there for him later, when he’ll let him in, if he’d let him in.

“Well, I’ll let you rest, if you need me, just call” he tried again.

“Thanks, mate, I’ll do that!” Saul answered cheerfully, patting his shoulder in a way that occurred no good at all.

And Ben’s presentiment was good, because as soon as he had closed the door behind him, Saul had jumped on a bottle of vodka hidden under his sink. He was slowly destroying himself, and there was no one to help him pass this. There will never be anyone again…

***

Stella could be described as many things, but coward wasn’t one of them. Even in front of her harsh mother, the princess would try to speak her mind, often uselessly. But she did it nevertheless. Because in her mind, not speaking could engender many disasters. Like the one she was allowing to happen right now.

Since Silva had fainted, a week ago now, she hadn’t found the courage to tell Sky about what she had witnessed on Miss Dowling’s arm. Although she kept telling herself she didn’t know why, the answer was rather simple. Sky had just discovered his dad had started drinking again, brutally. He had enough weight on his shoulders, he didn’t need to learn that the woman he considered as his mother was doing something far more dangerous behind the closed doors. She thought it was the right decision, but in truth, there was something else.

Since the incident with Rikki, Miss Dowling had been everything but disloyal and mean towards her. She had become her safe place, the only person, aside from Sky, she could really be herself with. She didn’t fear the consequences of her words in her office, didn’t dread any wrong move. She felt serene, safe, cared for… and it was the first time in her life that Stella had felt she owed someone. But more than that, she really liked Miss Dowling and didn’t want to lose her trust.

And, truth be told, she wasn’t even sure what she had seen in the office. Yes, Miss D had acted strange for awhile and she seemed unwell lately. But there was a huge difference between not being well and being mutilating themselves! Yes, she had been worried, but she wasn’t the most intuitive person. She had been wrong before, many times. She had been wrong buying that little blue dress, thinking it could match her skin tone. She had been wrong thinking her mother would always do anything to protect her. She had been wrong to think Sky and her were over. Those had been meaningless things, or at least, non-dangerous ones. This, on the other hand, could cost Sky his mom, and her, her mentor/protector/mother figure.

She was torn between the two people she esteemed and loved the most.

She had obviously considered talking to Silva and Harvey about it, but had quickly abandoned the idea. One would freak out, and the other… well she was currently afraid of what Silva could do.

If Riven and her had been closer, she would have known she could confess in him, for he was investigating on his side. But she was oblivious of that information. Not that she would mind, she hated him, and vice-sera. No, she was on her own, and had to decide, quickly, she had waited long enough.

Caressing Sky’s hair, she sighed heavily, closing her eyes to focus.

“Sky… there’s something I need to tell you…”

***

“We have to talk” he said, before shutting the door violently.

“Well, hello to you too, Benjamin, of course, come in” she answered sarcastically, without lifting her gaze from her paperwork, irritation radiating from her.

“Stop that, Farah, what the hell is going on between Saul and you?” he questioned, without any further introduction.

She tried to remained natural, unbothered, but the simple mention of his name was enough to stir something within her. Why was he asking that? Had Saul said something? Was he alright? She was a mess of emotions, but Ben couldn’t see it, only Saul could have understood it, with or without the bond for that matter. He knew her too well, even when the bond was silent.

Still, she kept her calm, not wanting to betray her composure.

“What are you talking about?” she feigned naiveness, knowing he wouldn’t let that go.

“I’m talking about the tension between the two of you, or perhaps I should call it a wall!” he spat, “I’m talking about his confession from earlier, when he almost cried telling me he had lost you for good! Care to explain that?”

Her heart clenched on that mention. Had he said that? He must have been so in pain… And yet, wasn’t it just the truth? The saddest of truth?

“Well, what he meant by that is that we decided to part more than before, it wouldn’t have done any good. Saul had still this lingering hope we would patch things out and I couldn’t let him think that, it would have been cruel and unjustified. I’m truly sorry if he’s hurting, I thought it wiser to rip the bandage more harshly this time” she explained, calm, composed, in appearance.

Ben couldn’t believe his ears. It was not the message itself, but the way she delivered it. She tried to hide her own pain and desperation, like he couldn’t see the real her, the shattered one. Why was she lying to him? Why was she pretending that it didn’t impact her life? That she didn’t care about their separation? And most importantly, what had happened for them to split so violently?

He wanted to ask, he was dying to, but judging on the act she had just performed, it was ludicrous to try. She would shut herself up, like she had always done with everybody, except Saul.

Therefore, he sighed and resigned himself.

“Okay, if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, but please, don’t pretend it doesn’t affect you” he pleaded, aware of what she could do to herself when she was mad, sad and without Saul.

“I’m not, Ben, it’s not easy for me either, but I have to move on, I know that. Our relationship was beginning to turn toxic, I had to stop it. I know he has a hard time adjusting to the situation, but he will get through it, sooner or later” she answered, her glare focused on her paperwork.

“Get through it?” he laughed mockingly, “Farah, he started drinking again! What do you think happened a week ago?! He passed out from alcohol! He’s not having a hard time, he’s heartbroken!” he shouted. For the first time in their friendship, he had shouted at her. And it had her looking up at him, surprised and angry. How dare he put the blame on her?! He didn’t know the half of it!

“And what do you want me to do about it? Enlighten me! He’s a grown man! Talk to him if you think that words would have any impact on him!” she was getting mad by the minute, and she hated it.

“A grown man putting the students in danger! You have to talk to him about it! For the Gods’ sake, act like the Headmistress you’re supposed to be! Not like his mistress!”

“Fine! We’ll have a discussion, it will lead to nothing, but at least I won’t have you on my back to play the mediator! Or the marriage counselor for that matter!’

He straitened up, smiling a little. He liked when she listened to him. She had always been a stubborn woman, and he was glad to be counted among the people who could make her surrender. And he secretly hoped that if they talked, they would find a way to go on, as a couple or as friends. But deep down, he knew those two could never be anything but soulmates, no matter if they didn’t see it, he did.

“Thank you, Darling Dowling, you’re doing the right thing” he softened.

“Don’t call me that. Now, if you could leave, I still have a thousand of things to do. See you tomorrow, Ben” she waved him off, hiding a smile from the old nickname Andreas had plagued her with.

He smiled triumphally, really hoping his intervention will change things between them. At least they will talk, this was a good start. He exited the room, a goofy grin plastered on his face. Yes he was happy they will probably reunite again. But most importantly, he had made Farah Dowling cave! And this might be his greatest accomplishment of the year!

Farah felt it, the pride, the contentment, radiating from him. It made her smile, he wasn’t hard to satisfy. But her grin quickly vanished from her face, thinking about her next confrontation with Saul. She didn’t want to do this, at all. But the herbology teacher was right on one thing, if Saul could put their students in danger, it was her role to intervene and prevent it from happening. Her heart beat faster, just imagining their reunion after more than two weeks of complete silence. It will be painful, there was no doubt. And she wasn’t sure if she was ready for it.

Closing her eyes, she silently reached for the bond, hoping he won’t notice. What she saw and felt made her understand he won’t, he was too consumed for that now. He was in a distant state, in a distant shore, gone, far, far away from her. Drunk wasn’t the right word to describe it, he seemed like he was floating, from his own body, from her… What was he doing? He had to stop!

Pulling on the bond, crying out for him to stop, she just received a sharp laugh in return, not from Saul, but from someone she only knew too well, kept and buried in statist underneath the castle.

‘Seems like even there I can still find a way to hurt you, funny isn’t, dearest?’ she snapped at her.

‘Stop it! Leave me alone!’ Farah shouted back at her.

‘And you dared calling yourself his lover, you have a strange way to love people, Farah, you’re just hurting him, like you hurt everybody’

Farah tried to resist, she knew Rosalind’s tricks. She fought back, as she always did, pushing her away. But there’s was something different this time, she wasn’t as strong as she usually was.

‘Were you really expecting any forgiveness from him, after all you’ve put him through? It’s a miracle, or rather a form of his immense stupidity that he didn’t leave you all by yourself, just like your parents did!’

Farah winced, not from the comment, she was passed that. But there was something else, something more physical. Closing her eyes, she kept seeing it Saul, drawing himself in alcohol and other liquids, muttering her name, asking why she had left him.

‘Enough, Rosalind!’ she tried again, almost imploring her mercy. She had to stop showing her that, it was pure torture.

‘It’s a blessing you lost your child, you weren’t worthy of her, she’s better off without you, dead and buried’

“STOP IT!” she screamed aloud, her eyes suddenly turning silver, the force of her scream breaking her windows, mirrors, glasses, everything, bringing a strong and unpredictable wind in the room. “I told you to leave me alone, you fucking bitch, stay there! Underneath! Leave us alone!” she shouted, invoking all her magic and directing it in the mind of her old mentor, administrating her the most insufferable pain Rosalind Hale had ever felt, leaving Farah’s mind, screaming and insulting her.

Farah’s breath was harsh. Her veins burning with rage and hatred. Her hair was a mess and her hands were shaking. It has been awhile since she had used such a strong force to rebuff her. It had been so uncontrollable she was left with a burning headache on her right.

Her eyes turned back to their beautiful hazel color and she sighed, she had to be more careful on the future. Closing her eyelids for a minute, she reached for her shut bond again. Relief washed over her as she felt Saul drunk, but not deadly drunk. She also felt hatred and resentment towards her, which she will deal with later, she suddenly felt extremely tired.

Waving her hands, she repaired all of her broken furniture, cursing herself for her lack of control. She was used to Rosalind’s madness and evilness. It wasn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last…

Putting her hand on her forehead, she felt her sweat running and shivered. She had never been a sweaty person, even when it was extremely hot outside, or when she was practicing. That was really unusual, like her persistent shivering. Yes, she had used a lot of magic, but she was stronger than that. Something was bizarre.

Opening her eyes, she saw it wasn’t sweat on her hand, but blood. She touched her head and realized she had hit herself with something while fighting Rosalind, probably her vase.

Feeling dizzy, she grabbed the side of her desk and tried to focus on her injury, to fix it. But suddenly, she felt her old wounds reopening, and witnessed, powerless, that precious red liquid getting out her system, weakening her and making her nauseated. Her vision became blurry, her ears were buzzing, her face hot as the sun.

The last thing she remembered was the sound of her door opening and the footsteps coming to her before her head hit the floor, taking her away from consciousness.

Something was wrong with her, she had to stop that, she had to stop hurting herself, she needed Saul, just him…

Chapter Text

She couldn’t stop thinking about it. She could still feel his hands on her body, his lips against hers, his thrusts against her hips… And the more she thought about it, the less she wanted to forget.

They had been on a risky mission, the Burned Ones were at least a hundred in Rivertown, plundering the village and killing every single citizen. It was no new information, those creatures were dangerous and famished monsters, destroying everything on their passage. But still, Farah had been scared, for the first time in her soldier’s years, had a bad feeling about it, fearing for her life. And above all, for Saul’s. He wasn’t at his best form lately. She had considered leaving without him, going on this mission all by herself with Andreas and Ben. But she couldn’t do that, he would never forgive her. For thinking he would fail, and for risking her life. Therefore, she had just made sure he was really ready to face that terrible battle. And when he had said yes, she had not questioned it, even though she was certain he was lying.

And he had felt it, her uneasiness, her doubts. They had talked about it, at night in their tent. Saul had promised her nothing bad would happen, that he will be there to protect her. He had sworn he would give his life to save hers if he had to. And that was the issue. She didn’t want him to give his life for hers, she wanted to be a part of it, a bigger one than she already was. She hadn’t told him that, of course she had not, she wasn’t brave enough to admit it. Out loud, nor to herself.

So, she had just begged for him to be careful, not to risk anything, not to play the hero to impress her. He had laughed at that, arguing he didn’t need to, she was already impressed by his strength, agility and masculinity. They had shared a moment of insouciance, giggling softly, like they used to do when they were just students, when life was simpler. When the war was far away from them, and Rosalind less controlling.

And then, it had happened. Out of nowhere, feeling bolder than ever, she had kissed him, slowly, shyly. She had expected him to back off, to push her away and to tell her not to do that, ever again. But he hadn’t. He had reciprocated her kiss, with equal fervor, if not more. Things had escalated so quickly. One moment, they were laughing together, and the next second, he had climbed on top of her, providing her a pleasure she had never experimented before. It had been mind-blowing, world-shaking. The promise of more, the promise of a new life, together.

But it had also been done out of fear of losing one another, of dying tomorrow without ever knowing each other this way. Without ever giving on their mutual desire. It hadn’t been love, but need. Therefore, after surviving their terrifying mission, they had both concluded it should not happen again. They could forget about it, they could pretend it had never happened. Of course they could do that, their bond was stronger than that.

That’s what she had told herself. But she had quickly realized she couldn’t. He had invaded her mind, her fantasies, her heart. She couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep without thinking about him.

And that was how she had ended up here, in front of his room, at two a.m., fresh as the morning dew, ready to confront him, to confess her feelings. Well, ready wasn’t exactly the word she should use. Obliged would be more accurate. She couldn’t go on like that, she needed that weight off her heart.

She raised her hand and knocked softly, waiting for him to open the door. She stood there, balancing her arms back and forth. She didn’t know what to do with them, feeling uneasy like never before. It was new to her.

Since she had entered Alfea, she had gained in confidence, not from Rosalind’s praise, but from Saul’s. Ever since their first meeting, he had been her best friend, her support. He had quickly become so much more, her specialist, her bonded one, her soulmate, her solace. Without him, she didn’t know what she would do. She’d probably fall back in her old pattern, the one she had been trying so hard to forget. The self-hatred, the self-bashing, the eternal sadness, the self-harming… She couldn’t lose him, she simply couldn’t.

What was she doing? He had been perfectly clear. It had been a mistake, an act driven by lust and terror of the battle they had been about to face. It wasn’t love, of course it wasn’t. He didn’t feel that way about her. How could he? He was so charming, handsome, skillful and accessible, everything she was not. They couldn’t work out together. He wouldn’t want that, and he would be right. It had been a mistake to come to him, she had to go. She had to leave before he found her like that, pathetic, delusional and weak.

She sighed heavily and began to walk the path back to her quarters, feeling ridiculous, lonely and stupid. And above all, ashamed. How could she had thought that he could feel even a fraction of what he inspired her? He could easily have everyone he could dream about. Why would he bother himself with a poor trash like her. The old hag from the orphanage had been right, she could do whatever she wanted, she will never be more than that: the poor little orphan, abandoned by everyone, unloved and designed to be alone, forever.

That realization brought tears in her beautiful hazel eyes. It had been long since she had thought about that horrible woman who had nearly broken her. The boys always said she seemed like a heartless bitch, resigned to break poor children hopes and dreams, that she shouldn’t listen to her. But if it had been true, why was she the only one to be told that? Why wasn’t she vicious and mean with the other children? Had she seen something in her? The same thing Saul had probably witnessed, repulsing him, disgusting him? But what was it? Why was she like that?

Turning the corner of her corridor, she had finally let go of her tears, sobbing softly, not wanting anyone to see her like this. But someone saw it anyway, someone who had been waiting for her at her door. Someone she hadn’t noticed before he jumped on her, cradling her face in his palms.

“What’s going on? What happened?” he asked, fearing the worst. Was it Rosalind? What had she done again? Was it something else? Had someone hurt her?

She couldn’t answer, too caught up by her emotions. What was he doing here? Had he been looking for her? His eyes seemed so worried, so frightened. It was unbearable. Like the softness of his touch.

“Please, tell me, Farah! Tell me and I’ll fix it, I swear I’ll do it, whatever you need. But please, please stop crying, I hate it when you cry” he pleaded her, putting his forehead against hers. He needed to help her. He needed her to stop crying. He needed her to be okay, to be safe and sound.

Letting the tears fall freely from her eyes, she knew it was now or never. She wouldn’t have the strength to act after that. So, instead of answering verbally, she tiptoed and brought her mouth upon his, grabbing his shoulders with both hands, pouring every ounce of herself in this kiss.

Surprised at first, the specialist quickly answered to her touch, running his hands on her back and hair, bringing her closer than she already was, kissing her senselessly. He didn’t know what was going on, but he had to stop before it was too late. Because if Farah Dowling wanted to have her way with him, he wouldn’t be able to restrain himself. Taking her head in his hands, he detached his lips from hers and joined their forehead.

“Farah… Tell me what happened—”

“I don’t want to talk, Saul” the fairy answered, trying to steal another kiss from him, but he withdrew.

“Farah! There’s obviously something wrong, and as much as I want it, I won’t take advantage of you, of your sadness” he spoke quietly, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs.

He had expected her to be mad, to move away from his touch, to yell at him for calling her weak in his own language (he knew how much she hated that word). But she didn’t, she didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t sigh. She just smiled tenderly at him, her eyes shiny from her tears. There he was, her sweet specialist, her loved one. The most wonderful boy she had ever met, the gentlest, smartest and kindest one. And of course, the most handsome lad around. What could he see in her? How a man like him could be interested in a wreck like her? Especially when he could have anyone he wanted, just by snapping his fingers? She’ll never know. And frankly, she didn’t want to. All she wished for was to let him be there, let him love her, if he wanted to.

“Why are you here, Saul?” she asked, smiling shyly.

“It doesn’t matter, what’s important is the reason behind your cries—”

“Answer me, please?” she said, stroking his face tenderly. She needed to hear it, that he was here for her, that he loved her.

“I… I was looking for you…” he confessed, avoiding her gaze.

“Why?” she pressed lightly, forcing him to face her.

“You know why, Farah…” he muttered, glancing down.

“I need to hear it, Saul” she told him, putting her forehead against his.

The air was knocked out of his lungs. Somehow, he had found it easier to express all of his feelings physically. He had kissed every part of her body that night. Every inch his mouth could reach. He had taken his time, pleasuring her in many ways, hoping it would be enough. And it had been, she had assured him.

Yet, he hadn’t found the courage to express what he felt for her, because of his fears. She was so out of league. She just had to bat her eyes a little and everybody in the room would fall under her spell. Her natural and entrancing charm. So, why would she want him? If not for blowing off the steam before a terrifying battle? That’s what he had thought. That’s why he had told her it was okay, that she didn’t need to explain anything to him. That they didn’t have to do this ever again, nor mention it. But he hadn’t stop thinking about it since, fantasying about her every night. She had always been this to him, his greatest fantasy, his unreachable love.

It was driving him crazy. Therefore, he had left his room to tell her about it, that he wanted her, that he wanted to be with her, in every possible way. She hadn’t been there. So he had waited for her, hoping she wasn’t having her way with some other asshole he would have to beat up tomorrow for having his dream girl.

But here she was, telling him that she needed to hear it. That she needed him to speak about it, to express his feelings out loud.

“Tell me, Saul…” she whispered, running her hands in his hair.

“I… I wanted to tell you… I wanted to tell you that it wasn’t out of fear, that night I mean. I wanted it with every fiber of my being, because… because… oh fuck, Farah! Because I love you like a mad man and I just want you, all the time! I cannot pretend anymore that friendship is enough…” he finally admitted, looking at her the whole time, hoping that she would reciprocate.

***

And reciprocate she had, a lot that night. It had been twenty-five years ago, but that night was still vivid in her mind. The first of many others, passionate ones, sweet ones, loving ones. But this one she liked to consider as their first real night together, was from far her favourite. And when she wasn’t feeling well, she liked to think about it. About what they had had. About what they had lost because of her.

And right now, with him standing in front of her, visibly recovering from his hangover, arms crossed and eyes avoiding hers, she couldn’t help but wonder how they had turned like this. They used to love each other so deeply it hurt sometimes. And now, she could only feel hatred and resentment radiating from him. And that ruined her. Because it was well deserved.

Leaning against her desk on both hands, she let out a little sigh and looked at him, trying to find the courage to do so. She had to do this, whether she liked it or not. Whether she was the cause behind it or not.

“You know why I asked you to come today?” she said, quietly, composed, calm.

“No idea, but since I’m clearly convoked, enlighten me, Headmistress Dowling” he answered, provoking her, still not looking her in the eye, like he was afraid to burst in flames if he dared.

“Alright then, I’ve heard that you didn’t seem well lately, some people whispered you might be sick, others like to gossip about a drinking issue” she measured her words, not wanting to anger him, not to hurt him. She knew too well he didn’t want anyone to know about his alcoholism.

“I didn’t expect the Headmistress to believe such fallacious rumors” he scoffed, clearly irritated.

“I do not, I want your version of this, I want to know why you were the subject of students’ preoccupation lately. Why you lost your temper on Eva. And more importantly, why you fainted” she was genuinely concerned. Alcohol had always been his worst enemy, since Aster Dell, since their loss. She knew how tricky and easy it was to fall back in old patterns, in bad habits.

“As you said, I was a little sick, nothing that you should be concerned about, Miss Dowling” if he wanted to enrage her by not using her first name, he was succeeding. She remembered telling him they would only be co-heads from now on. But it didn’t mean that he’d have to never speak her name again!

She pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled loudly. After all those years, he really thought he could fool her?

“So, you didn’t start drinking again?” she tried, more direct, harsher, ruder.

“Again? I didn’t remember mentioning that I ever drank, it’s not the kind of things colleagues talk about, why would you assume that?” he dared. He didn’t care about her concern, he just wanted to infuriate her, see where she could go, provoked a little. He had always loved the passion in her eyes, but he also wanted for her to see the absurdity of the situation she had placed them in.

“Come on, Saul, stop—”

“I’d rather be called Headmaster Silva, if you must, we’re not close enough for you to use my first name, I wouldn’t want you to think that we are”

“Stop it!” she screamed, her eyes turning silver, wind blowing wildly inside her office.

And for the first time since he had stepped a foot here, he met her eyes. And then, she understood. That was what he wanted, to irritate her, to make her react. Just like a child trying to obtain its parents’ attention by misbehaving. And she found it incredibly pathetic. Why was he making this so hard? But since he so wanted a reaction from her, he’ll get one.

Approaching him with wide steps, she used her magic to force him into a sitting position on her chair and pinned his hands on either side of it, aggravating him to no end.

“I’m not going to ask twice, Saul, did you or did you not start drinking again?” she hissed, exasperated.

“You have five seconds to let me go, Farah, I won’t ask nicely if you don’t stop, right now!” he threatened, fooling no one. She could force him to do anything if she wanted to, even without magic.

“Answer the damn question then!”

“Why does it matter, even if I had, it’s my problem, not yours!”

He wanted so badly for her to tell him that it was, indeed, her problem. Because she loved him. Because she cared about him. Because his problem was her problem. But of course, she wouldn’t say that, she was buried too deep in her own mess, in her own guilt and shame. She couldn’t take care of him if she couldn’t take care of herself.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Saul! When you put students in dangers, when you behave inappropriately with them, it becomes my problem! It is my role to take care of them, so is yours!” she yelled, fury in her eyes and anger running through her veins. She knew he was hurting, so was she. But at least, she had the decency not to let anyone see it, not him, nor the students.

Her eyes suddenly turned back to their original color, and the magical link binding him evaporated in the cold ambiance of her office. She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t force him to remain calm when she was not herself a model of composure. It was rare, for her to lose control like that and to use her magic so erratically. Well, lately, it seemed to have become the norm. And she hated it. She had always despised herself for her lack of control. To other people, she could appear cold and emotionless. But deep inside, she had always been a ticking bomb ready to explode. Rosalind, as much as she loathed her now, had taught her control, suppression of emotions, a little too much sometimes. So, whenever she would burst out like that, she would hear the deceptive voice of her old mentor in the back of her mind, repeating the same sentence again and again:

‘All this work for nothing, maybe I was wrong to get you out of that creepy orphanage, this is probably where you belong after all’

This monster had whispered this over her shoulder many times, she could still feel her breath against her neck, sending her chills. Every time, it would make her cry. And every time, she would bury that pain and sadness on Saul’s pillow, his arms wrapped around her, soothing her to sleep. And that, even before they had gotten together. He would comfort her, tell her that this wasn’t her fault, that everyone had the right to freak out every now and then.

But now, he was the one pushing her buttons, making her lose her mind. Just because he was mad, just because he was hurt. This was what they had become, Rosalind must be really happy about it.

Sighing heavily, she moved away from him, needing air, needing to concentrate. Putting her hand on her forehead, she realized her fever hadn’t pass, not easing her nerves. She should be consulting Ben about it, but there were things on her body she didn’t want him to see. Many things.

“I’ll make myself clear, you have to control yourself, no matter what happen between us, we have to remain professional. Meaning you don’t show up drunk on your fields and don’t yell at students for nothing” she exposed, her back still turned on him.

“Say the woman who just bound me with her magic! Don’t you find yourself a little hypocritical!” he shouted, standing up, getting closer to her.

And despite his current wrath, he noticed something on her arm, something he had seen only once, when they were only students, under the so called care of a madwoman. When he had discovered it, he had ensured she would never hurt herself again, in any way. She had promised not to ever do it again, saying it was an old and bad habit she had taken growing up, that she didn’t need it anymore. He had made sure she wouldn’t do this every time Rosalind messed with her, every time she would endure a harsh battle, after they had lost their baby girl, and after she had dumped him. She had never done it again, ever.

“I know, I apolo—” he caught her off guard by grabbing her wrist, tightly, forcing a little whimper out of her lips.

“You fucking kidding me! What’s that?” he interrogated, angry, worried, mad.

“I hurt myself while cooking, nothing that you should be concerned about” she answered too quickly, jerking her arm off his firm grip.

“Cut the crap, Farah! I know you and all of your flaws! You were patronizing me about the alcohol when you were hurting yourself again?!” he grabbed her shoulders, ready to jiggle her.

“I have not! Leave me alone and deal with your own problems before I fire you!”

“Fire me?! You really think I will let you go so easily?! You’re a fucking fraud! Lecturing me about my problem when you were cutting yourself open— what’s on your head?!” he grabbed her chin strongly, hurting her a little in the process.

‘Damn it’ she thought. She had done everything to hide it. After Sky and Riven had found her three days ago, they had threatened her to inform Saul and Ben about her mutilations if she didn’t try to put things right with Saul. She didn’t know how they learnt about her problems, they had just seen the cut on her forehead. But when she had felt the guilt coming from Stella, it had been crystal clear. She wasn’t mad at her but at herself, she should have been more careful. She shouldn’t have exposed her to this. She was judging Saul for this, but she wasn’t any better…

“Rosalind pushed me, I hurt myself repulsing her from my mind… she was showing me… terrible things…” she muttered, not facing him.

“I thought this was over, you said it was over, that you had her under control!” he snapped, clenching his teeth, ready to go downstairs and kill the fucking whore with his bare hands.

“I know, I thought I did, but I was wrong” she said, escaping his grip and straightening herself, clearing her throat “but this doesn’t change your problem. Unlike you, I haven’t been putting students in danger—”

“No, you’re putting yourself in danger, that’s so much better!” he mocked her, “you’re acting like you don’t need help, but what you do is far more destroying and dangerous than my issue!”

“Not for others! It’s my problem, your problem becomes mine and other’s when you spat at them and passed out drunk in front of other!”

“So if I haven’t involved students in this, you wouldn’t be making a scene?! You wouldn’t care?! If it was just my health, you would have let me destroy myself without batting an eye?!” he shouted, closing the gap between them.

“Yes, Saul! It’s your problem! You’re not mine to deal with now! You do what you got to do! And I will do the same!”

Smiling wickedly, he brushed a strand of hair from her face and leaned towards her ear, whispering a soft and daring “liar”, before taking her lobe between his teeth.

Feeling this, she gasped and pulled away, looking at him with shock in her eyes. Seeing his grin sent her over the edge. She was there to tell him to stop putting himself and the students in danger, and he tried to seduce her! That was it.

Without thinking, she slapped him, harsh, without any kind of control, without any ounce of remorse. If he wanted to make her freak out, he succeeded.

His reaction put her out of her. He didn’t scream, didn’t shouted at her for doing this. He laughed, he stroked his cheek and laughed, mocking her, challenging her.

“Is that all you got? You got me used to better…” he teased her, straightening his back, ready to feel the next blows of her emotional break down.

He wasn’t disappointed. Her eyes turned silver again and she jumped on him, hitting him with the force he knew so well, the one she put on the Burned Ones, the one she used to protect them and their loved ones with. A strong one. He tried to match her rhythm, to prevent her from hurting him, but she was on a roll. And he couldn’t stop himself from smirking, she was too beautiful when she was like that.

“Rip that freaking grin of your face, damn it!” she screamed when he luckily caught her hands in his, their breathings labored, and their faces too close for her not to notice the warmth radiating from him.

Bushing her hair from her forehead once again, he caught his breathing and muttered, millimeters from her lips “Make me…”

Feeling too hot on the second, she moaned and crashed her lips against his, running her hands all over him. He didn’t waste any second, lifting her of the ground and putting her on her desk, throwing away all her paperwork and pens. He couldn’t care less about her furniture, he just wanted her, he just needed her, so much, too much. He would do anything, anything she asked of him.

She didn’t want to think either. The feeling of his lips against her felt so welcomed, she had forgotten how good it could feel, to love, to be loved. Except this wasn’t love but rage, pure rage. They weren’t reconnecting because they realized how much they love each other, but because they pushed one another, because they were mad at each other. One moment they were arguing about their personal problems, shouting and losing their nerves, and the next, they jumped on each other.

They had done that before, back when they were together, it was their own way to end up a fight. But this was different, they were just trying to replace their addiction by another one. This wasn’t right, it didn’t feel right. Yes, she wanted to feel him inside her again, to feel the exquisite sensation of his skin on hers, of his hips against her, of his lips, of his kisses. But not like this… She wanted his unconditional love, not his heat of the moment, not angry sex.

She perfectly knew the key of their reconciliation was in her hand, that if she said the word, they would be whole again. But she couldn’t get over what he had said to her. She knew he had been angry with her, and she could understand it now. But it wouldn’t pass, she couldn’t forgive him, it was too hard, at least for now.

And she will not play with his feelings, she had to stop this, before it’s too late.

But how could she? When his head was descending on her body, making her forget any sense of logic, of reason, of decency. She had never forgotten what his talented mouth could do. And she craved the feeling, she could die for it…

“Saul…” she groaned, putting her hand on her forehead, trying to remember why she was doing this, why she was denying herself this pleasure.

He didn’t listen though, mistaking her plea for encouragement. He just lifted her skirt up, revealing her thighs, and… her injuries. The discovery had him stop immediately. So, that’s what she had been doing to herself. He knew she had issues in the matter, but not that kind… Her thighs were lacerated, the marks still red and fresh, the bruises a disgusting shade of purple black, big and numerous. He couldn’t count how many, but more than two thighs that slim should carry. Lifting the skirt higher, he gasped, seeing the cuts on her belly, along with new bruises. He ran his thumb on one of them and the wince she made proved him she had, indeed, done this today.

He tried to glare at her, but she refused to meet his eyes, too ashamed of the mess she had become, tears running on her red cheeks. She gently pushed his hands away, before pulling her skirt down and getting down of her desk, putting some distance between them. She couldn’t have found a better way to stop him, even if she had wanted to.

The worst in this: she had forgotten about it, about the new injuries she had inflicted herself today. She couldn’t even tell why she had done it. She had probably felt sad, angry, maybe the simple thought of being in the same room had frightened her so much she had taken it on her body again. Her scarred, marked and disgusting body… On the bright side, after seeing this, he will never want to touch her again. He will never want to be with her again. And that was for the best.

“You did that, to yourself?’ he asked, breaking the heavy silence hanging between them. It was more of an observation than a question, like he was finally processing what she had been doing the past weeks. What she had been doing because of him…

Still not facing him, arms crossed on her belly, she dried a few tears, before murmuring a soft “yes”, not trusting her voice now. She was disgusting really.

“You did this… because of me?” that had her turning around in a fraction of second, facing the damage she had caused him, again.

Crossing the room in two strikes, she cupped his face and caressed his cheeks lightly. How could he believe such foolishness… She was the one responsible for her own actions, even if he was the cause behind them…

“No, Saul… but I think this means something, my problem, yours… can’t you see it?”

‘We’re not good for each other…” he admitted, resigned, broken.

They stayed there for a while, his hands on her hips, hers on his face, eyes closed. Life used to be so simple back then. She wished it could be again, she longed for this. But something was holding her up, restraining her from forgiving him, forbidding them to be together again. He could feel it, she could feel it. But none of them could do anything about it, unlike a certain redhead…

“So, what do we do now?” he asked, pressing her against him, knowing this will be the last time he’ll hold her in his arms.

“We carry on, without destroying ourselves… We have to, Saul”

“I don’t think I can, not without you…” he grabbed her face, wishing he could just kiss away her doubts, her pain, the one he had brought her.

“Yes, you can, you will, we will” she stroked his neck lightly, feeling how warn he was.

“It shouldn’t have happened… it shouldn’t have ended like this, we deserved better”

“Yes, we did… But fate decided otherwise, we have to accept it now, even if it’s hard, we have to”

Chapter Text

She was wrong, she could see it.

A week ago, she had felt something extremely strange, a sharp pain on the left side of her forehead, like she had been hit by something. She had been on her bed, doing researches for Farah when she had sensed something was off. The next second, she got struck by an intense pain in her head, knocking the air out of her lungs. She had first thought it was Rosalind again. She had been doing this since she was a little girl. To punish her. To remind her to stay at her place. To teach her to obey… It had always been painful, but nothing comparable to that. Her skull had been on fire, ready to explode at any second. She had fallen from her bed and screamed silently, muffling the noises with her pillow.

And as quickly as it had come, it had stopped. Where the pain had been, she had felt warmth, serenity and then… dizziness. She didn’t know what had happened, but she was certain of one thing: this had not been her pain. She had heard of bond’s connection before, the capacity to feel another person’s feelings, and had thought that maybe, this had been the pain of her bonded one. She had never believed in bonds, thinking this was just a stupid fairytale smallminded and immature people would tell themselves to feel better. The ludicrous illusion of soulmate. Even when she was just a little girl, she had always despised the other children for wanting it, for believing in it. Andreas had always assured her she was wrong, bonds existed, he had seen it with his very eyes, in the form of his best friend and the love of his life.

She had never changed her mind about it, persuaded that people were just good to be used at the moment, exactly what Rosalind had taught her in her moments of clarity. They were not meant to last. She had never believed in friendship, let alone in love. Andreas found it sad, but every time he would argue about it, she would shout back that the only person he had truly loved had never reciprocated it. He wouldn’t deny it and most of the time, ground her for being insolent. But once, in a moment of nostalgy, he had told her he never regrated falling in love with her. Because no matter what, she had taught him that people were not just a distraction, they were human beings, capable of surprises, good or bad. She had to let herself love and be loved, she will regret it otherwise. She had scoffed at his words, telling him he was getting too sentimental when he talked about her. To that, he had laughed, telling her that the day she’ll meet her, she will understand.

And she had.

Everything had changed when she had met her. At first, she had tried her best to hate her, to remember Rosalind’s words, not to listen to Andreas. But he had been right again, it was impossible not to succumb to the calmness she brought in with her every time she would walk in a room or smile a her. She liked to observe her, to watch her in her full headmistress mode. To admire her hair-dos, her composure, the way her lips twitched when one of her student said something completely stupid, controlling herself not to laugh at them.

But she feared what she had seen today… The way she was leaning on her desk to support herself, the way her chest was rising and falling weirdly when she was standing for too long, the way she winced when she had bumped into one of the tables. Something was off, no need to have 160 of IQ to get it (she didn’t know what this first world thing was, but she had read it in a book and had liked the flow of it).

And then, she saw it, the cut on her wrist. She had already seen that cut, on her other arm, last week. She hadn’t thought much about it, it was a simple cut, like she had seen before. But now, there was another one. Closing her eyes, she tried that spell she had learnt about while doing her research in the library, a curse meaning to see through thing (she was glad Riven was no fairy, he would use it on Miss D for many other reasons…). Well, it would be useless, considering it could only help people see things, like tattoos, tumors, or marks… She wasn’t sure Farah would let her use it on her, she would probably feel it. But since she seemed weaker than usual, it was now or never.

Focusing on her target, she discretely opened her eyes, hoping to be subtle enough not to get caught. A strangled gasp escaped her lips at the vision. They’re not just few cuts, she had marks everywhere on her body: scratches, cuts, bruises, even burns… She put her hand on her mouth and let out a small cry, what had she done to herself? All because of her, of what she had forced Silva to tell her… She had done that. Silva was a wreck, and Farah was injuring herself to forget… she was a monster, she had to put it right, she couldn’t let her hurt herself anymore. Not matter if Andreas grew mad at her, not matter if Rosalind made her pay. She had to, this madness had to end.

Just as their eyes met and Farah’s concern about her state grew, the bell rang. The students began packing their things. But she didn’t move, she couldn’t move, still processing the consequences of her reckless behavior.

Waiting for everyone to leave before moving, Farah magically shut the door and made her way to the disturbed air fairy, alarmed by her behavior. She had never seen the girl like that. Since their last conversation, she had felt her confidence back and her focus renewed. Apparently, she had been wrong, once again. Approaching her shyly, Farah’s fear raised at the vision of her quivering lip, the glassy of her eyes, the raggedness of her breathing… what was going on in this little head of her?

It wouldn’t be hard to know, just a flicker of her hand, a bat of her eyes and she would have all the answers she needed. But she didn’t want to proceed this way. Even if she didn’t know why, she’d try her best to be the support the girl apparently craved right now.

“Beatrix? Do you hear me?” she asked gently, not pressuring her.

She didn’t answer, she didn’t even look at her. She kept breathing, in and out, in and out, like she had been running from hours. Seeing that words wouldn’t get her anywhere, Farah tried a different approach and, ever so gently, put her hand on her shoulder, repeating the question.

This time, she picked on the girl’s attention. Her tears-filled gaze focused on her, breaking the Headmistress’ heart. Since she had met her, Beatrix had always seemed fake to Farah, superficial, a sweet façade for something else, something darker, something dangerous. But now, she saw the real her, the troubled one, the worried one, the fragile one. It pained her, she seemed in such distress, seeking a help she didn’t know how to provide. But she had to try, that little storm needed her.

“Do you want to talk about what is going on? I might help you” she said, stroking her shoulder gently, easing the young redhead’s nerves.

“I… I don’t know…” she tried, not finding the right words for ‘I ruined your life and body, I killed your assistant, I conspire to kill you’

“Well, whatever it is, if I can help you with it, you know you can come to me, whenever you want” she squeezed her arm a little, trying to bring her little comfort. She saw she was hurting, she truly wanted to make her feel better, but something was blocking them both.

Bea saw it, the sincerity in her eyes, the desire to support her, to heal her. And it nearly drove her to throw up. That woman. The one she had been trying to hurt since she arrived here. The one she had resented her whole life for rejecting her father, for abandoning her to Rosalind. The one trying to be there for her every time something was off. The one she longed to be loved by. The one scarring herself because of her actions. How could she ever tell her that? How could she ever live knowing she had hurt the woman she loved the most?

She didn’t answer, she just nodded her head, close to tears, worrying Farah to no end. Instead of leaving, of giving her space, she stayed, fearing the consequences of her departure. She felt so helpless, seeing her in this state and not knowing what to do to solve her problem, to shield her from the pain she was apparently experimenting. If only she had known who was inflicted this dolor, she would have gone downstairs and strangle that woman to death.

“I see you’re in pain, please, talk to me, little storm, maybe I—” she tried, touching her shoulder again. But the nickname made Beatrix gasp, how did she know about it? No one called her that, aside from Andreas. Why did she care so much? Why was she always so sweet and warm? Touched by her concern and her kindness, she blurted it out before she could stop herself.

“Please don’t hurt yourself anymore, Miss D!”

With wide-opened eyes, Farah let out a soft sigh, realizing now why she had felt something tickle her neck. She had been using the open-space spell on her. And she had seen it all, all the flaws on her body, everything she had done to herself, trying to forget about Saul and the misery she was calling life lately. Every little cut, every dark bruise, every disgusting burn…

She gulped and looked down. Now, her little lecture to Saul seemed really hypocritical. It was no longer her own problem. That little storm had seen it, she had uncovered her secret and was on the verge of crying because she had witnessed the pathetic and repulsing state of her body. She had failed once again, to protect her… Rosalind was right after all, how could she protect other people if she couldn’t even protect herself, from danger, from pain, from herself… Now, without Saul, she realized she was the most dangerous thing to her own person. And she was showing this to the poor Beatrix, the ticking bomb she had turned into… And frankly, she really thought she was going to explode…

Feeling the soft touch of Bea’s fingers on her hand, she met her eyes and nearly cried witnessing the tears in them. Those beautiful brown eyes always lurking when she thought no one was paying attention. Before she could restrain herself, she cupped her cheek and dried them, caressing lightly the skin there, earning a soft smile from the girl.

“I’m so sorry, I know I—"

“Don’t worry about it, I should be the one apologizing, it was totally inappropriate for me to let you see those… things” Farah confessed, heart in her throat. She had never felt more humiliated in her entire life. And she had lived under Rosalind’s reign… She preferred not to think about what this poor little storm must be feeling, she might be disgusted, with all the reasons.

“Do you… do you do this because of what happened with Headmaster Silva?” Bea dared, feeling this was now or never. When Farah’s brows knitted in confusion, she elaborated “the two of you used to be inseparable and now, you’re never to be seen together, and it’s not like he’s trying really hard to hide his feelings so… I just put two and two together” she tried again, wishing she could confide in her, tell her that she was, indeed, the reason behind those self-injuries.

A huge lump formed in Farah’s throat, she wished she could just disappear, just vanish from the surface of the Otherworld, for just one day, it wasn’t to much to ask, was it?

“I shouldn’t have asked, I’m sorry, Miss D…”

“No, it’s fine, but I really don’t want to talk about it, and I assume it’s useless to demand you not to talk about it to anyone” she tried with a sad smile, breaking Bea’s heart a little more.

“No! of course, but—”

“I won’t do it anymore, don’t worry about it, darling” she caressed her cheek again.

Bea nodded her head and leaned a little in her touch, feeling like she was coming home, and she probably was. Getting it was time for her to leave, she put her things messily in her purse and slowly went to the door. But before she grabbed the handle, she turned around, facing her and dared one little thing before leaving.

“I know it’s none of my business, but he really loves you, Miss D, it’s written all over his face, maybe it’s worth trying to protect…” she muttered, playing with her rings.

“Goodbye, little storm” Farah answered, a real smile plastered on her lips this time. She truly appreciated her concern, but this was her battle, not hers. A battle that would end, soon.

***

“ENOUGH!” he shouted, throwing the table around, under Terra’s exasperated glare, how many times will he do that?

“Could you stop taking your frustration on my furniture!” she shouted back. What did he think? She was exhausted too, but she didn’t act like a big baby nevertheless.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry, I’m just sick and tired of all of this! Why can’t we just fucking find the fucking answer in those fucking books?!” he dropped back in the armchair, sighing like he was trying to blow a candle.

“That’s a lot of ‘fuck’ for only one little sentence, don’t you think?” she joked, but it didn’t seem to cheer him up, “I know, I’m tired too, but we can’t give up now” she said, handing him the book again “we just have to… check again, I guess, it’s not like we have anything better to do anyway…”

“Time’s against us, Ter, and we’ve been reading all those f-ing books for weeks, if any answer was there, we would have find it by now, don’t you think? Maybe, maybe I was wrong and he was just acting like a jerk with her—"

“No! I refuse to believe that, he loves her too much to do that, impossible! We just didn’t find the right answer, that’s all, we’ll have to keep searching!”

“Okay, let’s keep looking, again…”

He was really getting tired of it, tired and worried. Sky and him had no proofs she hadn’t stopped hurting herself, but deep down, he knew she was still doing it. Sky chose to trust her, believing falsely she was stronger than Saul. He was wrong, because Silva had indeed stopped drinking, while she had aggravated her state. Riven didn’t know that, but the simple possibility was enough to shake his being. The more they worked on finding the answer, the more he thought they should inform Professor Harvey about it. But he wasn’t thinking clearly, he hadn’t slept since the night they had found her lying unconscious in her own blood. And now, Silva was exhausting himself in the field at night, when he thought no one was looking. He was, and it worried him, the old man was restless and fought till he couldn’t even stand properly. Last night, he had just laid there, in the middle of the battle field, crying and whispering her name. Some would find it pathetic, the old him would have. But seeing him hurting like that was heartbreaking.

He wanted to help them, he really did. But he also thought this was pointless. If there were a solution to their problem in the books, they would have found it by n—

“I think I found something!” she exclaimed.

‘What? What the fuck?!’ he thought before jumping from the chair, crossing the Greenhouse in four long steps.

“Yea, look at this!” she said, showing him her discovery.

Riven took the book from her hands and read it quickly. Impossible. He had read that one, so had she, just in case. None of them had found anything before. How was it possible? There was no chance they had both missed it.

“Who cares! We have the answer we needed!” Terra exclaimed, relieved.

“Yes, you’re right, do you think you can make that?” he asked, reading the concoction.

“It won’t be easy, but yes, I think I could do it! It will just take time…” she said.

“How long, Ter? It must be done soon!” he pressed, not wanting to tell her the truth, it will hurt and stress her. And Terra was not good working under stress.

“If you help me, I think he could be ready for tonight!” she answered cheerfully.

He nodded his head and grabbed his apron. If he messed his uniform again, Silva will have his head. He was so glad they had finally found the answer. Also, he was certain someone had found it for them. Again, it was impossible they had both missed the answer they had been looking for those past weeks. Someone else had found it, and made sure they would too. But who? Who knew about it aside from them? Who would have guessed? Who would have known what to be looking for if… if not the person who had cursed Silva… There was no other explanation, because if someone had been spying on them, why not just help them directly?

But at the same time, why would that person try to break their spell? Why making them hurt and then, wanting to fix their mistakes? Was that person an enemy, or a friend? He didn’t know, but he couldn’t tell Terra, she would freak out and talk to Professor Harvey. No, he’d have to find the person himself. He would not tell Sky either, the dude would without any remorse beat them to death for putting his parents in danger. Riven wouldn’t care, if he hadn’t a thought about the guilty person. Well, to be more accurate, he had two suspects, two girls who seem to love and hate Farah at equal measure.

And funny fact, they were both redheads…

Chapter Text

She didn’t know why she remained here, in this fucking haunted place. She had tried everything to put life back in this office. But lately, it seemed dead, bloody and morbid. She remembered it under Rosalind’s era, the most feared place in the whole school. Even more for her. Being there meant training till exhaustion. Not the good kind of course, the one when you need assistance to walk back to your room, in her case, Saul’s arms lifting her amorph form from the ground and carrying her like a sleeping beauty to his room, which had quickly became theirs, and Andreas’ too.

When they had taken the school over, she had sworn she would find a way to root out all trace of Rosalind Hale from this place. She had changed the curtains, the rags, the furniture, even the windows. Saul had often suggested they should burn it down to the ground. She had thought about it, but always restrained herself. She was so sure she could do better than her, that she was meant to be better. Because she had something Rosalind deeply lacked: love. She loved and was loved, by the most wonderful man who had ever lived.

But now, without any love in her life, had she really turned like her? Was she becoming the monster she had resented this whole time?

She had had a lot of thinking since her last conversation with Saul, two agonizing weeks ago. She had tried to peek on the bond every now and then, but had ultimately stopped herself, knowing it was not fair, and unhealthy. Apparently, their confrontation had been useful, he hadn’t tried to contact her since, not physically nor mentally. And she hadn’t heard anything about him. The old, good Headmaster Silva was back. It pleased her, meaning he wasn’t drinking anymore, or at least, not too much. Meaning he had finally moved one. Meaning he didn’t love her anymore…

It was not a reproach, just a statement, a painful one.

It was for the better she kept telling herself. She was not good to him, she was not good to anyone. Not a good teacher, not a good lover, not a good mother… That façade she was trying to show to everyone was slowly getting down, cracking under the pressure of her own lies: that she was worth it, that she was a good person, that she deserved love. The moment Saul had told her about her not being a mother, it had become clear as the day. If the person who loved her the most could tell her something that terrible, it could only mean one thing: it was true. Everything Rosalind had told her, everything the kids from the orphanage had been whispering. She was a monster, she shouldn’t have been born…

“What are you doing here?” the voice startled her, she hadn’t expected him to be here.

“I could ask the same question, it’s past curfew and it’s completely forbidden to come in my office uninvited” she stated, not even looking at him from her sitting position against her sofa, her knees against her chest.

“I needed to talk to you, and to see how you were doing” he answered, sitting down next to her.

It pained him to see her like this: vulnerable and exhausted. He wondered how little she had been sleeping lately. And when he saw the sleeve of her dress rolled up against her elbow, he felt a sudden urge to put it down, so she wouldn’t injure herself again. The red mark on her forearm telling him it was already too late.

“Can’t it wait tomorrow?” she asked, meeting his eyes for the first time since he had entered her office.

“I’m afraid no, it’s very important, but first, I need to show you something” he admitted, offering her a soft, almost shy smile, so unlike him she thought.

“Riven, I’m—”

“Please, it will solve everything, I promise” he said, outstretching his hand for her to grab, determination radiating from him.

Defeatedly, she sighed and placed her hand in his, sending a jolt of electricity in his whole body. Why could she do that to him? He’ll never know. But considering his feelings for her, he marveled at his own altruism. Not like he would have any chance with her. But still…

“You may want an umbrella, it’s pouring out there” he chuckled.

***

Their walk to the fields was quiet, she didn’t know what to expect and he didn’t know what to say to her either. Yes, she had been his forever crush, more than that actually but it didn’t mean he was comfortable when she was around. Especially when his body betrayed him. Especially when she looked so vulnerable and beautiful.

“I thought you told Sky you will stop to do that shit to your body…” he tried, mentally slapping himself for saying that. It was obviously the thing not to say…

She didn’t answer, she just adjusted her jacket on her shoulders and held tightly on her umbrella’s stick. What could she say to that anyway? ‘I know, but I’m too weak?’, ‘I know but I cannot seem to hold onto a damn promise?’ ‘This is none of your business?’. The third one was clearly no option, he didn’t seem to care about that. Riven had never seem to care about anything but himself. Although, she knew deep down that the boy was truly attached to her son. He tried to remain cool and unbothered all the time, but she could see right through him. In fact, she had seen more than she had intended, more than she wanted to, more than she could ever forget… And she really wanted to forget about that…

“Why do you do that anyway? I used to think you were unbreakable, that nothing could touch you, and now you’re letting a little heartbreak destroy your body?” he tried to push her buttons, tried to see what he could get from this, fearing the consequences of her uncontrolled wrath. But at least, if she got mad at him, she won’t hurt herself, but him. So… worth it?

She stopped right in her tracks, forcing him to stop. She looked like she was pondering his words, to find the perfect way to answer to him. He knew he was getting too far, but at least, she will react and abandon the amorph persona she was showing him.

“This is no little heartbreak, Riven, this is the love of my life throwing the most traumatizing event I’ve ever endured in my face because he’s mad I’m living my life away from him. So yes, it might sound foolish and reckless, but this is the only way I found to deal with my pain and the feeling of betrayal his words caused me. You think I don’t have emotions, that being away from him is not killing me little by little, you’re terribly wrong” she said, fury in her eyes, composure in her tone.

“If it’s killing you, why don’t you just go back to him? Don’t you think he’s suffering too?”

“I don’t know! The bond is silent, I don’t know what he’s feeling, if he’s hurting, if he’s move on. But I know one thing for certain: he’s better off without me. If he truly meant what he said, this is for the best” she concluded, beginning to walk back to the castle, not in the mood of following him anymore.

“If you think that, it’s a good thing we’re almost arrived!” he shouted back, picking on her curiosity, what was it? Why was it so damn important?

She knew she will regret this, but something within her screamed at her to follow him, to give him a chance to explain, to show her something important enough for him to be so insistent and on the verge of being disrespectful. And if Riven could be borderline with Saul, he had never dared his little games with her, out of respect, out of fear, and out of fantasy. She wasn’t sure, afraid it might be just another futile attempt to provoke her, to force her to speak about her feelings aloud. But there was something tender in his eyes, empathic and pure. He was silently begging for her to trust him, to let him help her, let him heal her. Sighing, she let herself convinced for the second time tonight and picked up her pace, following her son’s best friend’s lead.

They made the rest of the journey in complete silence, Riven contemplating her beauty every now and then, Farah trying to see his intentions without looking into his mind. She had no idea he would troubled himself so much just to help Sky. If only she knew he was doing this solely to make her feel better, to make her happy again. It was crazy what love could do to him… He didn’t know why she was into Silva, she was so out of his league. But if it was the right thing to her, he will do it.

When they arrived at the old battlefields the specialists never used anymore (muddy, filled with venomous plants and full of painful memories of Rosalind’s reign), Farah’s brows knitted in confusion. Why was he taking her there?

“You were wondering how he was, well, take a look…” he muttered, pointing the direction on her left.

There he was, her specialist, soaked with rain and mud, passing his nerves on an iron mannequin. She could hear his grunts, feel the force he was putting in the task. No need to be a mind fairy, to be his fairy to see he was drained, physically and emotionally. Taking a look on the bond discreetly, she gasped as she felt it: desperation, tiredness, sore muscles, the need to cry, to scream. Why was he doing this? She had caught a glimpse of him lately, he seemed perfectly fine…

“Yes, he stopped drinking, that I can guarantee, Sky and I check up on him every morning. So, he needed to take his shit on something else, he’s been doing this every night. I usually find him passed out on the ground when I come at 6 a.m., exhausted and mumbling your name” Riven confessed, sadness in his voice.

“I don’t understand…” she said, on the verge of crying.

“There’s something you need to know, Miss Dowling; Terra and I have made some researches. We both found his behavior suspicious, the normal Silva would never do anything to hurt you, let alone using your child against you. We read every f-ing book in the library, twice. I was losing my mind and this morning, out of nowhere, Terra found it, the curse we were looking for” he explained, handing her the piece of paper.

Farah took it with shaky hands and almost cried seeing what it was: the Eris’ cursed, designed to turn love into hatred. The spell was pretty simple: the entranced person would become extremely angry and violent at their loved one for an apparent reason and would say or do the most terrible thing to them. Once that thing done or said, the loved one will suddenly be cursed too, unable to forget nor forgive the sayer and would ultimately begin to hurt themselves, leading to their inevitable death, ultimately killing the sayer out of misery and affliction. They were only two ways to break it: the death of one of the victims, or a really hard concoction made out from different elements, including DNA of the two victims…

She read it again, and again, and again. She couldn’t believe it. She knew about this curse, knew about its powers, about its consequences… The consequences she had been facing this whole time. She had burnt her body, scarred it. She had pushed the love of her life away, for something that wasn’t his fault. And this had been out of her power. And people dared to call her the most powerful fairy of the Otherworld, what a joke! She might be strong and powerful, but she wasn’t even capable of protecting her man! The same man who was currently exhausting himself till fainting because he thought she will never forgive him. He was putting himself in danger because she had not been careful enough, because she had not recognized the signs! How lousy was she! She was a mind fairy for the Gods’ sakes! She was supposed to understand those things, to see them coming! How could has she been so blind?!

Raged blossomed on her skin, illuminating her eyes and forcing a pained cry from her lips. With trembling hands, she dropped the paper and set it on fire, under the pouring rain. Riven took a step back, not knowing what she was about to do, and not wanting to end up like the paper he had brought her. She was shocked, he could understand it. So, it was probably not the right time to tell her about his suspicions about the instigator of this plot.

Farah tried to calm herself down, but she couldn’t. She felt only one urge: killing that monstruous bitch in stasis! It was her, this had her mark written all over it! Wind blew suddenly from everywhere, shouting her anger to the world, turning the rain into storm. This was the ultimate betrayal. She had endured too many sick actions from her, not anymore! It was one thing to mess with her, to hurt her. It was another one to hurt her love. Lightning cleared up the nighty sky, exploding nearby, making Riven jump in surprise and anguish. He had never seen her so angry, so out of her mind. And he had no idea just how mad she was. She had let that happened! She should have killed her when she had the occasion to do it! That creature didn’t deserve her clemency, her consideration, after everything she had done to them. She will make her regret it, that she could promise. She didn’t know how, but she will. This was the last time she ever tried to destroy him. She will strike her, stab her, burn her alive if she had to, she will make sure she’ll never hurt anyone again, never again!

At that thought, wind slapped her face, thunder echoed through the woods, lightning fell next to her, setting the trees on fire, despite the force of the rain. She felt it, the madness possessing her, the feral need to destroy, to break, to kill. She looked back at the school, her eyes still luminescent, and thought about how easy it would be, to descent the stairs, to march the corridors leading to her prison. And then, facing the sparkling cage keeping her captive, she would do everything she had ever dreamed to inflict her. She would make her feel powerless, as powerless as she had been those past few weeks.

Suddenly, the fire of the trees left the branches and turned themselves into a spectacular form. Protecting himself from the wind, the young specialist squeezed his eyes open and released an impressed gasp. A phoenix, she was creating a real phoenix out of a storm she had initiated, a bird made of fire, taking form under the watery rain. The creature of renewal, of new beginning, scary, yet gentle, just like her in fact. Looking back at her, the sight took his breath away. There she was, surrounded by incandescent flames, dancing around her like faithful subjects. Her eyes were bright, her hair glowing. Rage painted all over her face, and at the same time, relief. None of this was her fault, nor his. She will survive this, they both will. But for that, they will have to drink Terra’s disgusting mixture.

Slowly, he neared her on gentle steps, not wanting to be turned into a human torch by his greatest fantasy. She felt him coming and turned her head sharply in his direction. The fear she saw in his eyes made her stop right in her tracks. Glancing back at her creation, she smiled. She had always been good with fire, creating living figures with it, birds, most of the time, free and versatile, just like fire itself. She had always loved it, its warmth and its beauty when perfectly mastered. Extending her hand towards it, she lightly caressed the wing of the phoenix, before letting it fade slowly, taken away by the wind she had also summoned to her. Closing her eyes, she sighed slowly, breathing in the remains of her outburst.

“Hum… before you try to whip me out of the surface of the planet… you should know I have the concoction Terra made, you need to drink it, you and Silva…” he tried, walking on eggshells. He had always known how powerful she was, he had just never witnessed it with his bare eyes. And what a thing to see…

Closing the gap between them, she took the vial from his hand and drank it in only one motion, taking the other one. The air was suffocating for Riven, he had never been this close to her, and he realized just now how truly magnificent she was, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen…

Slowly, she cupped his face and leaned in, kissing his cheek softly, stirring something within him, and making him gasp. Another part of his body reacted, but he tried to hide it anyway. Letting go, she looked at him, a sweet smile on her lips, gratitude written all over her features.

“I could never thank you enough for this…” she muttered shyly.

“Well, try not to kill me, that would do it!” he joked, happy when he heard her laugh, it had been a while.

“You’re so much more than what you want people to see, Riven, I hope you’ll find some way to express that kindness” she confessed, smiling softly.

“Well, I think I used my whole quota for an entire year, tell Silva I’ll be impossible for the rest of the semester, the old man deserves it anyway” he laughed, earning a candid eye roll from her, “you should go to him, I think you guys need it, badly” he cleared his throat, needing air to focus on something else than her soft and warm eyes, her perfect lips, and everything else that made her… her.

Nodding her head, she kissed his cheek again and went in the direction of Saul, following the sound of grunts, afraid at how he will react when he’ll see her…

The man didn’t seem to hear her, too lost in his own realm of despair. Apparently, he hadn’t noticed her elementary breakdown either, and that was for the best she thought. Although, it occurred nothing good on his mental state. If he had stopped to drink, he had been in need to replace this addiction by another. Every night he came here, to take his rage and his affliction on something that were not his students. It was so hard, to pretend everything was fine, when his whole world was slowly falling apart, knowing that he couldn’t do anything to help her, to make her feel better. And this whole situation was his fault, he had said something horrible to her, without even knowing why.

Well the answer was pretty simple, he was a bad man. He had been angry about her rejection and had taken it on her, like a douchebag. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness, he knew that. But a tiny part of him had secretly been hoping he will gain it one day. All of his hopes had been crushed that night in her office. Once he had seen the damages she had inflicted to her own body, because of something he had said, he had made a promise to himself: never hurting her again. And this meant letting her go. So, he had done it, he had let the most wonderful woman that had ever lived go, because she wasn’t happy with him anymore, hadn’t been in a very long time. He had foolishly thought one day, they would be fine, they would be together again. But this couldn’t be, this could never be again.

He had ruined it, he had ruined everything.

So, he had started doing what he was good at: being a soldier. He had been there every night, treating the mannequin like it had been Rosalind herself. He hit, and hit, and hit again. His muscles ached, his vision was blurry from the rain and his sweat, but he didn’t care, he had to do it. He had to fight for something, because if he stopped, he wouldn’t go on. So he kept going, he struck, and struck, screaming atop of his lungs, shouting his rage, shouting his pain, the pain he was responsible for, the pain he had caused her, the mess he had made of their lives.

And then, when his body gave up on him, he cried. It was his ritual since the last time he had seen her: hitting, screaming, falling limp and then crying like the wreck he was, mumbling her name like a prayer. Under the cold rain like tonight, it seemed even more pathetic.

But tonight, there was something new, something that never happened before. Opening his eyes through his tears, through the rain he saw her, perched upon him, looking at him with a destroyed glare, tears threatening to come from her beautiful eyes.

“Why won’t you go away? Why won’t you stop tormenting me, my love?” he muttered, pleading through his sobs.

She didn’t answer, of course she didn’t, she wasn’t really there. Most of the time, he saw her in his sleep, or in his appartement. She never said anything, she just remained there, waiting for him to say something. But what, he didn’t know. She often left when he screamed at her to go, to leave him the hell alone. She would give him a disapproving look and leave like that, not saying a word. He had never seen her on the battlefield, but here she was, looking at him with those sad eyes he hated so much, waiting for something. But he didn’t even want to know, he was exhausted and just wanted to sleep.

“I don’t have the energy for this, go now, leave me alone…” he whispered, his throat tight and scratchy, his head spinning.

And then, it happened.

He felt it.

Her touch, on his cheek.

Warm. Soft. Real…

He opened his eyes and straightened immediately, piercing her mind with his gaze. And when her hand didn’t leave his cheek, a strangled cry escaped his mouth.

She was there, kneeling upon him. She was real. She had come for him…

“Farah?” he asked timidly, grabbing her hand in his, stroking the soft skin there.

She let out a crying laugh and nodded her head yes, not trusting her voice yet.

“What—"

“Come with me, Saul, we have plenty of things to discuss, please?” she said, standing up and offering him her hand.

He hesitated. All he wanted was to follow her, to grab her hand and never let it go again. But he had made her a promise. He won’t let her get hurt again, even by him.

Seeing his unwillingness, she kneeled in from of him again and took his face between her hands, while holding onto her umbrella. She caressed his damped forehead, trying to reassure him, to silently tell him he had nothing to fear. But nothing came out of her mouth. She didn’t know how, still in shock from what she had learnt. Therefore, she decided against words and tried the way that had always worked between them: the bond.

She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, reopening it to him. The sigh that left his mouth indicated her that he felt it, instantly. She felt it too, the steadiness of his heartbeat, the feeling of calm and warmth that enveloped him, like a cocoon of tenderness. Their solace, their own little place was back, to their mutual delight and satisfaction. Closing his eyes too, he breathed her in and leaned into her touch, enjoying the feeling of her hand on his cheek.

“You’re back…” he whispered.

“I never left, I could never leave you, Saul…” she kissed his forehead tenderly, tasting salt and water, reminding her where they were, “Please get up, you’ll catch death here, let’s go to my place, please?” she pleaded, standing up again.

Still unsure, he remained there, on the muddy floor, his body drenched in dirty water.

“Are you sure?” he demanded, needing confirmation.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life, Saul, please, please come with me, please trust me” she begged, offering him her free hand again.

And this time, he grabbed it, he will always grab it. Getting under the umbrella with her, he put a strand of hair behind her ear and put his other hand on top of hers on the stick.

“I’ll always trust you, Farah” he vowed, putting his forehead against hers.