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Chapter Text

Buffy’s feet pounded the pavement, as hard as her heart was now beating in her chest. Tears stung her eyes and her breath quickened. She didn’t know where she was going or what to do. All she knew was that she had to get as far away from the helipad as possible.

How could Riley do this to her? How could he just up and leave like that, without a proper goodbye, only an ultimatum? And why had she listened to Xander when he’d told her to run after him and not let him go? Granted, he’d also told her not to go after him, if she wasn’t prepared to let him be there for her no matter what. But she was! And so she’d arrived at his departure point to tell him she loved him and needed him and was sorry for pushing him away; for pushing him into the arms of vampires. But she’d been too late, and now he was gone from her life, possibly forever. Who knew?

She carried on moving forward, afraid that if she stopped even for a second, she wouldn’t be able to start walking again and would crumble completely. Her anger resurfaced as she ran through her final conversation with Riley in her head. The vampires at the den had made him feel something he didn’t know he was missing. It was “beyond passion”, he’d said: “They wanted to devour me.”

“And I don’t make you feel that way?” Buffy had demanded to know. And then silence. It was the silence that was most devastating of all. She knew she’d hurt him by not letting him help her as much as he wanted to. But he’d hurt her too! And after getting the news she’d longed for, that her mother’s surgery had been a success, he’d told her how strong she’d been throughout it all and they’d made love and it was like everything else—the fear, the worry—had melted away. And at some point that night, he’d got up and snuck out of the house to go and get his kicks from vampires.

If it was purely physical, as he’d insisted, if it “wasn’t real”, then why had he walked out on what had been real? Why had she not been enough for him that night? As she ran to catch his helicopter before it left, she hadn't even been sure how they could move past all of this. How would she be able to trust him again and know that he’d never go back to that place? Damn, if it hadn’t been for Spike, she probably never would have found out about it at all. Unless, in time, Riley’s conscience would have gotten the better of him.

Buffy began to slow down, feeling as though she needed to catch her breath. By now, she’d decided against going home as she felt far too restless to sleep. She also didn’t want to face Xander again after their confrontation, and she was certainly in no mood to explain everything to Anya, Willow or Tara either. She’d toyed briefly with going back to see Spike and demanding to know what his intentions had been in exposing Riley’s secret, but she didn’t quite feel ready for that.

Instead, she found herself heading in the direction of Giles’s apartment. The Magic Box was closed for the night and she knew he could only be at home at this time. She didn’t even consider the fact that he may have gone to bed, nor did she fully understand why she felt the need to see him and not any of her other friends. She knew he would almost certainly have questions about why she’d set fire to the vampire nest earlier, and why she’d been so vehemently opposed to the existence of such places. Yet, somehow, she instinctively felt he wouldn’t judge her for her feelings about Riley’s behaviour. She sensed he would be on her side, no matter how obvious it was that she hadn’t been the most attentive girlfriend.

And so she picked up the pace once more, until she reached his front door.

As it happened, Giles wasn’t in bed, even though it was now almost one o’clock in the morning. He’d tried and failed to sleep after finishing what was supposed to be his last cup of tea of the day, but instead got up and made himself another one. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Buffy’s state of mind after the events of that evening. Her sudden demand to know about vampire dens had come seemingly from nowhere, though Giles felt he knew his Slayer well enough—and she was still his Slayer as far as he was concerned, no matter what the powers that be may have to say about it—to know that something serious must have happened to trigger this. His suspicions were heightened after she reacted strongly to his remark about willing victims and having more important threats to think about than the presence of a vampire den in Sunnydale. And then she’d set the place alight.

Giles couldn’t help but feel he should have gone after Buffy himself, but Xander had insisted on trying to talk to her, so he’d trusted him with the task. He just hoped all would become clear in the morning. In the meantime, he decided to take advantage of his insomnia by consulting the books; not for information that might help with the Glory situation (that could wait for one night), but to refresh his knowledge on vampire dens in the hope that he might be able to glean some insight into Buffy’s thought process. Just in case Xander had been unsuccessful in his own attempts to do so.

As he read, memories came flooding back from his Ripper days, when he had been witness to all manner of illicit activities. God knows he’d partaken in a few of those himself, along with Ethan and his other friends. But that was a long time ago, and anyway, being bitten by vampires was one line he hadn’t dared cross. It was too much of a risk. Bedding young women with false tales of escapades as a founding member of Pink Floyd had been more than enough fun, without the addition of physical harm.

A sudden knock at the door caused Giles to gulp down the remainder of his tea and slam the book shut. He got up to answer it.

“Buffy,” he exclaimed with surprise, immediately standing to one side to let her in. He knew from her face that all was not well. “What’s happened? Have you spoken to Xander?”

Buffy nodded slowly, unable to get any words out. She looked completely bewildered.

“Please. Sit down.” Giles gestured towards the sofa, and she wandered over and lowered herself onto it. “Can I get you anything? A glass of water perhaps? You look as though you need it.”

She nodded again, and he quickly headed into the kitchen and filled a glass. When he returned, she took it from his hands and gulped down a large mouthful.

“Steady,” Giles said gently. “Small sips are generally better.”

With that, Buffy looked up at him and began to cry, all of the emotion she’d been holding inside her since she arrived spilling out. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed, then repeated the words again with her next intake of breath.

Giles sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulders, allowing her to lean in against his chest as she continued to cry. “It’s alright,” he said soothingly. “Let it out. Whatever this is, I promise you we can figure it out. Okay?”

“Okay,” Buffy replied, taking another deep breath as her sobbing slowly began to subside. She sat upright again and wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand. “Oh, Giles,” she said, finally opening up. “I feel really, really crappy right now and I didn’t know who else to talk to. Did I wake you up?”

Giles shook his head. “No, not at all. I couldn’t sleep anyway.” He gestured toward the book and the empty mug sitting next to it on the table. “I was just in the middle of some late-night research.”

Buffy smiled weakly through her tears. “How very Giles of you.”

He smiled back, then gently prompted her. “I don’t suppose the cause of your distress has anything to do with what happened earlier, in the vampire den?”

Just the mere mention of the words made Buffy wince, but she confirmed with a nod of her head. “Yeah.” She sighed. “Riley and I broke up. I caught him there... In the den. Being devoured by this girl…” She corrected herself. “This vampire.”

Giles stared at her, then removed his glasses. He hadn’t been expecting that, but everything that had happened earlier made sense now. “Oh, Buffy,” he said. “That’s… I’m so sorry. How did you find out?”

“He snuck out while I was asleep. Spike saw him. He came to me, said there was something I needed to see. And he brought me there.”

“Spike…” Giles muttered. He wondered if he’d deliberately been trying to cause problems between Buffy and Riley. But this wasn’t the time for dwelling on that. This was about Buffy and the pain she was feeling, and Riley was fully to blame for his own actions. Not Spike.

“I’m so sorry,” he repeated. “That must have been a terrible shock. It certainly explains why you were so determined to know more about these kinds of places. I apologise if I came across as insensitive, when I said I probably wouldn’t have told you if I’d known this was happening in Sunnydale.”

“Don’t apologise,” Buffy said. “You didn’t know about Riley.”

“And if I had,” Giles added, “I assure you, I would have felt duty-bound to tell you.”

Buffy smiled gratefully and touched his hand. “I wish I had heard it from you and not Spike. Maybe it might have hurt less coming from you.”

Giles looked at her sympathetically. “Somehow I doubt it. There’s no easy way to receive bad news.”

“Probably not,” Buffy agreed, and sighed. “You know, when I said ‘devoured’… That was Riley’s word for what happened. He kept talking about passion and… Actually, he said it was beyond passion. Can you believe that?” Suddenly her voice began to shake with emotion once more.

Giles shook his head. “No. I mean, I can believe it, in the sense that this is what happens to people when they frequent such places. It becomes an addiction.” He paused. “But what I can’t believe is that Riley would betray your trust like that to begin with, especially when you’ve had so much to deal with.”

With that, tears started to stream from Buffy’s eyes again. “I have had so much to deal with. So much. I thought my mom was gonna die, Giles. I thought I was going to lose her. And now I’ve lost Riley.” She told him about the ultimatum Riley had given her; how Xander had convinced her she’d been pushing him away, how she’d tried to catch him before he left at midnight, but it was too late. Giles sat listening intently to every word, offering no judgement. But inside, he wanted to throttle the young man for causing Buffy so much anguish, and he wasn’t too pleased about Xander’s harsh words either. He may have had a point about shutting Riley out, but what Buffy had needed in that moment was comfort and to be told she wasn’t to blame for Riley’s choices.

“I don’t know,” Buffy said when she’d finished relaying everything. “It’s all such a mess, I don’t know what to think from one moment to the next. Maybe I am the one to blame after all.”

“No,” Giles said firmly, taking Buffy’s hand in his and giving it a squeeze. “Don’t ever think that, Buffy. You are not to blame for this. You’ve been through a great deal of trauma recently, and now you’ve been betrayed by someone who is supposed to love you. Please don’t blame yourself.”

Buffy looked deeply into Giles’s eyes. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that from someone,” she said. “For the last few hours, I’ve been going over and over it all and thinking I just... wasn’t enough.”

“Listen to me, Buffy Summers,” Giles said, still holding onto her hand, “You are more than enough. You are one of the strongest, most courageous, most b—”

The word never came out, because Buffy smothered it with her lips. At least, that was what seemed to be happening right now, in this moment. Giles could barely process it. He knew he was being kissed, but his brain had barely caught up to the fact that it was Buffy who was kissing him. When it fully hit him, he knew he ought to pull away—he wasn’t sure how many seconds this had been going on for, and he was alarmed by the fact that she hadn’t stopped yet—but then things quickly escalated; Buffy taking advantage of his lips being parted in surprise and gently easing her tongue inside his mouth, as though testing his boundaries.

That should have been enough to bring Giles to his senses, but they appeared to have deserted him entirely as he found himself reciprocating, tentatively at first, then with more fervour. Encouraged by her hum of approval, he deepened the kiss, bringing his hand up to rest lightly against her face. Buffy responded by firmly grasping his wrist, her Slayer strength causing Giles to wince and break the kiss, believing she’d suddenly realised what a terrible mistake this was.

Except, she hadn’t. Easing her grip a little, she stared directly into his eyes and placed his hand on her breast. “Buffy, I-I’m not sure we should be doing this…” he started to stammer in an attempt to take responsibility. “W-what about Riley?”

“Don’t,” she said. “Please. I’m done talking about him.”

“Okay,” he continued, “But still… You’re hurting, Buffy. And I know you came here tonight for support, a-and comfort—”

“So comfort me,” she interrupted, her hand still keeping his firmly in place on her breast.

Noticing this, he pulled it away. He removed his glasses and put them down on the table next to the couch. “You know I’m here for you,” he said. “You will always have my support. Always. But this? This isn’t what you want.”

He half expected Buffy to get agitated, or even to storm off. But she didn’t. Instead, she sat quietly looking at him. Then she said, “It is what I want.” She leaned closer and put her hand on his knee, then slowly started trailing her fingers up the inside of his thigh. Leaning in closer still, she whispered into his ear, “It’s what I need.”

Giles sat completely still, his heart rate increasing and breathing becoming ragged. This could get very complicated very quickly, if he let it. It had been a while since a woman had touched him like this, and he could feel the desire pooling down below. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that this was wrong, and that he would be taking advantage of her when she was vulnerable. Sure, she may think she wanted this right now—needed it—but what if she woke up in the morning filled with regret? Surely things would never be the same between them again.

He was just about to object for a second time when he felt his zipper being pulled down and Buffy’s hand inside his trousers, cupping his growing bulge. He gasped. Their eyes met. “I know you want it too,” she said quietly. “Otherwise you never would have kissed me back.”

Something about her voice and her words erased all his doubt in an instant, and before he had time to think any more about the consequences his mouth was on hers once more, hands caressing every inch of her as though they were running out of time. Their bodies pressed together, the heat between them rising as they both became more and more vocal with every touch.

As Giles leaned over Buffy, she moved quickly to pull the waistband of his trousers down until they’d reached his knees. He stood up and disposed of them entirely, seizing the chance to lift Buffy off the couch and into his arms while continuing to frantically kiss her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her hands were in his hair as he carried her in the direction of the stairs.

Buffy woke up and checked the alarm clock on the bedside table, the only thing illuminating the darkened room. 3:30 AM. She turned her head and looked at Giles sleeping soundly beside her, his arm outstretched beneath her shoulders. She wondered if he’d have any regrets when he woke up. She could almost guarantee he’d want to talk about what had happened. But all she wanted, right now, in this moment, was to fall back asleep lying next to a man she trusted and felt completely safe with.

The sex had been great; better than she could have imagined (not that she’d ever imagined it before tonight, which was what made it all so surreal). When they’d reached the bedroom and Giles had lowered her onto the mattress, they’d made quick work of removing the rest of their clothing. She was pleasantly surprised by the sight of his naked form looming over her (amazing that all of this had been hiding beneath that tweed, she thought). In fact, she could barely conceal her smile as she ran her gaze all over him, taking in every detail she’d never noticed before… Until her eyes were drawn naturally to his prominent erection, ready and waiting for her.

“Are you sure?” he asked, but without the same uncertainty he’d expressed previously. His voice was tinged with hope; it was clear he was now fully aroused and wanted this as much as she did. She nodded enthusiastically and put both hands on his back to guide him down towards her, and the next thing she felt was the hot rush of pure pleasure coursing through her entire body when he slipped inside her, filling her up.

She wrapped her arms and legs tightly around him as he moved his hips, relishing every single second of the ecstasy engulfing her. She could barely reconcile this feeling with the utter despair she’d felt earlier that same night, but she didn’t want to think too much about that. Because right now, she thought, she’d never felt more alive—or more desired.

She stole a glance at Giles’s face in between her desperate pants and moans. He was slack-jawed, eyelids flickering, evidently enjoying this every bit as much as she was. Yet she was overcome with a sudden urge to take things up a notch; to make him feel twice as much pleasure. She slid her hands down his back and settled them firmly in place on his ass, then, almost without thinking, she pressed her fingertips into his flesh, which made him groan.

“Yes,” she gasped, “That’s it! Faster.”

On her command, he increased the tempo, and with it his own breathing became quicker and more intense. Buffy continued to encourage him verbally, and when she gave his ass a few gentle slaps which matched the rhythm of his thrusts, it seemed to push him even closer to the edge.

“Buffy…” he half-choked on the word. “Are you… c-close?” He sounded as though he wanted to put her needs before his own, which was even more of a turn-on for her.

“I think so…” she managed to respond. She didn’t want him to slow down, though she knew he might have to if he genuinely wanted to delay his own orgasm in favour of bringing on hers.

Sure enough, he paused what he was doing, causing Buffy to sigh heavily in frustration—though she understood the reasoning—and then once again began to move inside her, not quite as fast as before, but maintaining a steady rhythm nonetheless. He also felt for her clit with his fingers and began rubbing vigorously.

That was it. Buffy cried out as she came, jerking her body upward against his and gripping the hair on the back of his head for dear life. It didn’t take long for Giles to follow her over the edge, grunting loudly as his cock pulsed in blissful release.

And then they lay there, each catching their breath, their bodies entwined until Giles had softened sufficiently to pull out. They hadn’t said anything afterwards, but as they lay next to one another, he had kissed her forehead and she’d rested her face against his chest until they both fell asleep.

Reliving it all now in the darkness, Buffy reached out and softly stroked Giles’s chest with her fingertips. She left her hand resting there as she once again drifted off to sleep.

Whatever form of conversation was to follow, they would deal with in the daylight hours.

Chapter Text

When Buffy woke up a second time, she was conscious of the sunlight creeping through a gap in the curtains. She looked again at the alarm clock: 08:00 AM. Then she noticed she was lying alone in Giles’s bed, though his side of the duvet had been arranged neatly, probably to ensure she stayed warm after he’d gotten up.

She could hear him bustling around in the kitchen when she reached the top of the stairs after getting dressed, and as she made her way down, she was greeted by the alluring scent of bacon and eggs. Giles turned to look at her when she arrived in the doorway. He was wearing the same robe he’d had on that time he answered his door to her after Olivia had stayed the night. Buffy remembered how awkward that had been, and how she’d felt completely weirded out by the very idea of old people having sex lives. How crazy to think that she’d now spent the night with him… And, furthermore, the last thing he seemed to her all of a sudden was old.

Giles smiled as he spooned the contents of the frying pan onto a plate. “I hope you’re hungry? I made breakfast.”

Buffy sat down at the table. “So I see,” she said. “It smells so good.”

“I do hope it tastes just as good,” he replied, pushing the plate towards her and laying a knife and fork down next to it. Instead of sitting down himself, he hovered awkwardly as Buffy began to eat. “Can I, um, get you some orange juice?”

She nodded, her mouth full of bacon. “Yes please,” she said once she’d swallowed. “This is really good. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, turning towards the refrigerator to take out a carton of juice. “Buffy…”

Here we go, she thought. She’d had a feeling this was coming.

“We, um… We need to talk. About last night.”

Buffy placed her cutlery down on the plate. “Is this the part where you say last night was a mistake and shouldn’t have happened? Because I want you to know, Giles: I don’t regret any of it.”

Giles froze, then turned around to face her, looking stunned. “Well, I-I… I wasn’t expecting you to say that.”

“Clearly,” Buffy said. “So you do have regrets?”

“No! No, that’s not what I meant at all,” Giles replied quickly. “Last night was… Well. It was…”

“Amazing? Incredible? Hot?”

“Yes,” he said nervously, fidgeting with the sleeve of his robe. “All of the above.” His expression became more serious. “But even so, it’s probably best for both of us that it doesn’t happen again. That is, if you were thinking it might happen again. Presumptuous as it may sound of me…”

Buffy stared at him, confused. “Let me get this straight… You don’t regret it. You enjoyed it. But you don’t think it should happen again?”

“I know it sounds like a contradiction—”

“It sounds like an excuse.”

“I assure you, it’s not.” Giles removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Buffy… You’ve been through so much. You came here last night feeling utterly distraught about what happened with Riley, and rightly so. And as wonderful as our, um… as the…”

“Sex, Giles,” Buffy said bluntly. “You can say it, you know.”

“Yes, um… As wonderful as the—sex—was between us,” he said, lowering his voice to a whisper for that single word, “I can’t help feeling as though I took advantage when you were in a vulnerable state of mind. Even if you say you don’t regret it.”

Buffy sighed. “So in other words, you’re just gonna completely disregard the fact that I don’t regret it, because you’ve convinced yourself that you took advantage.”

Giles paused to consider this. “Well, I, um—”

“And would it make any difference if I told you that you didn’t take advantage?” she interjected. When he didn’t respond after a couple of seconds, she rolled her eyes and sighed again. “God, Giles! You are seriously overthinking this.”

“I don't believe I am,” he protested, then paused. “Okay, well, maybe I am. But can you blame me? I’m your Watcher—”

“Not anymore, technically.”

“True, but the fact that I’ve been any kind of mentor to you, whether in an official or unofficial capacity, complicates things.”

Buffy crossed her arms and looked him straight in the eye. “The only person complicating things is you. We’re two consenting adults, Giles. And if it’s the age difference that’s making you uncomfortable, well, I don’t give a damn about that. And I didn’t expect last night to happen any more than you did. But it did, and here we are.”

Giles gazed at her, her words sinking in. “Here we are,” he repeated softly.

They stood in awkward silent for a moment. Then he carefully asked, “And the age difference really isn’t a problem?”

Buffy stood up, maintaining eye contact, and slowly walked around the table towards him. She stood in front of him and let her fingers brush against the soft fabric of his robe. “Not even a little bit.” She moved her hand slowly upwards, waiting for the moment he’d try to push it away. He didn’t.

“Here we are,” she repeated, touching his bare chest. She noted his sharp intake of breath. “So what are we gonna do about it?”

They stared at each other, Buffy’s eyes imploring Giles to make the next move. He quickly obliged, sweeping in to kiss her and pressing his hands into her hips. The suddenness of it caught her off guard, and she thought she felt him grin against her mouth when she let out a groan of surprise. Unlike the first time they’d kissed last night, when it had started off slow and tentative before building in intensity, now their lips met again and again with urgency. Buffy pressed her thigh against him and he responded by moving his hands under her buttocks and lifting her up in one swift motion, placing her down in a seated position on the kitchen counter. She hurriedly untied his robe and he eased it off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor.

Buffy immediately noticed Giles’s erection straining against his boxers and smiled. Still think this shouldn’t happen again? she wanted to ask, but she resisted the temptation in case it gave him any more reason to overthink the situation. Instead she reached out and tugged the underwear down over his hips, then got to work undoing her own pants.

Giles resumed kissing her, pausing only to allow her to pull her top over her head and throw it onto the floor. “You do realise that’s the… second… time you’ve… undressed me when I’m… in this outfit?” she panted as he trailed his lips along her neck and jawline.

“Mm,” he hummed against her skin. “Becoming… quite a habit.”

Buffy shuffled closer to the edge of the countertop and wrapped her legs around his waist as he pulled her body against him and entered her. Her mouth fell open and eyes closed tightly at the sensation. “Oh!” she shouted after the first thrust of his hips, clasping the back of his neck with one hand and the edge of the counter with the other.

She was so caught up in the sheer pleasure of it all that she hardly noticed herself leaning further and further forward. Finally Giles put both hands under her thighs, encouraging her to let go of the counter and surrender her entire body weight to him. She bent her knees slightly, giving her leverage to start bobbing up and down on his cock. He responded with a loud grunt, which almost tipped her over the edge. She knew it wouldn’t be much longer, anyway, but she was in no mood to slow down. In fact, she quickened her pace.

This had an immediate effect on Giles, whose own moans grew louder and more intense. Soon she could feel his hips starting to stutter as his panting became frantic.

“Buffy, I need to c— aaahh…” She rested her face against his neck, revelling in his moan of relief and continuing to rock against him until she too climaxed with a deep sigh.

They both panted heavily for a few moments, then Giles carefully slid Buffy back onto the counter as he withdrew. A few strands of her hair were slick with sweat, and she instinctively reached up to brush them back from her face. But Giles got there first, his hand lingering afterwards to caress her cheek. The tenderness of the gesture left her in no doubt regarding his feelings about what had just happened. She smiled, then lowered herself to her feet and bent down to pick up her clothes.

“I’m just gonna go and put these back on…” She gestured toward the stairs.

Giles nodded and scratched his head. “Of course. Take your time.” He turned to look at Buffy’s breakfast plate on the kitchen table. “I should, um, get started on the washing up.”

Buffy raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you think you should put something on first? Or do you always wash up while you’re naked?”

Giles looked down at himself, alarmed, as though he’d only just noticed his lack of clothing. “Er, yes…” He scanned the floor in search of his underwear. “Duly noted.”

As she watched him put his boxers back on and pick up his robe, Buffy smiled. “You know, it’s kinda funny seeing you revert to being all flustered and self-conscious like we didn’t just have sex five minutes ago.”

Giles looked at her sheepishly. “I’m sorry,” he said. “It's just taking a bit of getting used to. This… situation. Between us.”

“Uh-huh,” Buffy replied, nodding. “So is that what we’re calling this? A situation?”

“Well, I-I suppose. What would you call it?”

She paused for a moment, considering it. “I dunno. Maybe… a fling?”

Giles did a double take. “A fling?”

“Yeah. You know, when two people have a sexual relationship with no strings attached—”

“Yes, I’m familiar with the concept. What I mean is... You see us having a fling?”

“Sure. Don’t you?”

Giles began pacing back and forth awkwardly. “A fling implies that this would be an ongoing thing.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Giles, we’ve done this twice now. I think it’s pretty clear we’re going to do it again, sooner or later, because there's an attraction between us. So why not just accept it, instead of fighting it and coming up with excuses about why it's wrong?”

“Buffy…” He walked towards her, stopping just short of touching distance. “I know you said last night that this was what you needed. Maybe we both needed it. And I certainly can't deny how... attracted... I am to you." He took a deep breath. "But you’ve just had a serious relationship come to an end, in very trying circumstances. Can you be absolutely sure that this is the right way to ease your pain?”

She nodded. “Yeah. You know what? I can. Because the wrong way would be getting drunk every night, or pushing my friends away, or waking up next to some random guy I met in a bar. But you’re not a random guy. You’re one of the people I trust most in this world, and after I’ve been so badly hurt by someone who was supposed to love me, the only thing that makes sense right now is this thing that’s happening between you and me. And I know neither of us was expecting it, but here we are. And, come on, let's face it. It's fun.”

He cleared his throat and looked down at the floor in an effort to hide the smile that was beginning to form. “That it is.”

“Like I said earlier, this doesn’t have to be complicated,” she continued. “Believe me, the last thing I want right now is complicated. All I want is comfort. Can you do that for me?”

Giles looked up again, his brow furrowed with uncertainty. Finally his expression softened and he nodded. “Of course. Whatever you need.”

Chapter Text

All she’d wanted from him was comfort, and he’d vowed to give her that. Still, Giles couldn’t help but feel relieved that, in the aftermath of his promise, Buffy hadn’t appeared to need his services in that way.

There had been knowing smiles and furtive glances across the room when they were together, but always in the company of the other Scoobies. They hadn’t had an opportunity to be alone. Buffy had made no further late-night visits to his home, and he certainly had no intention of calling around to hers. It would have been far too risky, with Joyce and Dawn both there, not to mention inappropriate. As far as he was concerned, it wasn’t his place to seek out intimacy, no matter how tempting it might be. That was Buffy’s prerogative. So far, she’d refrained from doing so, which was probably for the best. Maybe now he could finally put an end to this constant internal battle between his attraction to her and his guilt for crossing a line he probably shouldn’t have crossed.

Everything changed one day when the phone rang.

“You have to come. She’s at the house.”

As soon as Giles heard those words, he knew it had to be Glory. He had to get there as quickly as possible.

God, how he wished he’d been right. Seeing Joyce lifeless on the living room floor — seeing Buffy in more shock and distress than he’d ever thought possible — was so much worse than anything he’d had in his head on the way over here. How he wished it had been Glory, or literally anything else. Anything but this.

As he held a tearful Buffy in his arms, Giles knew nothing he could say or do would take any of her pain away.

And knowing that was painful for him, too.

Buffy wasn’t sure how long she’d been standing at her mother’s graveside when Angel appeared next to her. All she knew was that darkness had fallen, and Dawn had left some time ago with Willow and Tara.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I couldn’t come sooner.”

Without taking her eyes off the fresh patch of earth, Buffy gripped Angel’s hand. They stood side by side in silence. Again, she wasn’t sure how long. Time seemed a meaningless concept these days. Finally, they sat huddled together beneath a tree as she filled him in on everything that had happened.

“The funeral was brutal,” she said. “But it’s tomorrow that I’m worried about.”

“What’s tomorrow?”

“That’s exactly what I don’t know. Up until now, I’ve had a road map. Things to do every minute, having to do with Mom. And everybody expects me to know how to do it, because I’m so strong.”

“You just need some time,” Angel assured her. “I’m sure everybody understands that.”

Buffy paused. “Time’s not the issue. I can stick wood in vampires, but Mom was the strong one in real life. She always knew how to make things better, just what to say.”

“You’ll find your way. I mean, not all at once, but…”

Buffy shook her head. “I don’t know. I keep thinking about it, when I found her. If I had just gotten there ten minutes earlier…”

“You said they told you it wouldn’t have made a difference.”

“They said probably wouldn’t have made a difference. The exact thing they said was ‘probably’.”

“Doesn’t make it your fault. You couldn’t have done anything different.”

“I didn’t even start CPR until they told me,” she continued. “I fell apart. That’s how good I am at being a grown-up. And it’d be okay if it was just me I had to worry about. But Dawn…”

“Look, it’s okay,” Angel interjected. “You don’t feel like it now, but you are strong, Buffy. You’re gonna figure this out. And you have people to help you. You don’t have to do this alone.” Then he added, “I can stay in town as long as you want me.”

Buffy looked at him. She hadn’t been expecting to hear that. Not so long ago, she might have taken him up on that offer without a second thought. For old time’s sake. But these weren’t old times; they were new and terrifying, and they had changed her. A part of her would always care deeply for Angel, but she no longer needed him like she used to. She had Giles for that now.

“That’s a bad idea,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m seriously needy right now.”

Angel gazed into her eyes. “Let me worry about the neediness. I can handle it.”

Slowly, he moved his face towards hers. Buffy closed her eyes and gently pulled away. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I really do think this is a bad idea.”

Angel sighed. “It’s okay. I get it. The timing couldn’t be worse.”

“Yeah.” She placed her hand on the ground and used it to anchor herself, then slowly rose to her feet. “It’s just… so much has happened.”

“You don’t need to explain. I just wanted to comfort you.” Buffy felt her heart skip a beat when she heard the word; the same word she’d used with Giles, to explain what she wanted from him. “But you’re right, it’s probably not the best idea right now. I’m sorry.”

Buffy shook her head. “Don’t apologise. I’m not gonna lie: if things were different, I probably would have kissed you just now.” She stared at the ground. “The thing is… there’s kind of been… someone else. Sort of.”

“Oh.” She couldn’t tell from Angel’s tone whether he was surprised, or disappointed, or something else entirely. He stood up slowly, and she stole a glance at him. “When you say ‘sort of’…”

“It’s not… a relationship or anything. Not really. It’s casual. But it does mean I don’t really have the headspace for anything else right now. With anyone else. ”

Angel nodded. “Of course. That makes sense.” He paused for a moment. “Can I ask you something? This guy… is it anyone I know?”

She swallowed, trying to steady the shakiness of her breath. “No. It’s no one you know.”

“Okay. For a second there, I thought you were gonna tell me it was Spike.”

Buffy scoffed. “As if! I’m not hopelessly attracted to every male vampire I meet, you know.”

“I know,” Angel said. The corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk. “Just the really hot ones. So I should have known it wasn’t Spike.”

She smiled. “Thanks for being cool about this.”

“Don’t mention it.” He glanced upward at the sky. “It’ll be light soon. I should probably get going.”

“Yeah. I need to get back to Dawn anyway.” She took a step forward and touched his arm. “I’m so grateful you came, Angel. And, like I said, if things were different—”

“But they’re not,” he interjected. “And it’s okay. Really.” He turned to leave, then hesitated. “One more thing — I know you said it’s casual. But has he been there for you, properly, through all of this?”

Buffy cast her mind back to that terrible day, the worst one of her entire life, when she found her mom. Apart from the paramedics, Giles had been the first person she’d called, and he’d held her silently through her shock and despair. Earlier today, he’d stood by her side as Joyce was laid to rest, and hugged her tightly before he left. “If you need anything,” he’d whispered, “call me straight away. Any time, day or night.” And she knew he meant every word, despite the fact that everybody said things like that at funerals.

“Yes,” she said finally. “He’s been amazing.”

Angel nodded. “Good.” He put a hand on her shoulder. “You take care, Buffy.”

As she watched him leave, she wondered how he’d have reacted if she’d told him it was Giles. She suspected he wouldn’t understand. None of her friends would. Dawn certainly wouldn’t, and anyway, she was going through hell right now too. Not that there was any need to tell anybody. This was her own, private outlet. Just for her. Her and Giles.

Assuming there still was a her and Giles. They hadn’t had much chance to revisit the idea recently. If you need anything. That’s what he’d said, and she wondered if he did indeed mean anything.

And you touch the distant beaches
With tales of Brave Ulysses
How his naked ears were tortured
By the sirens sweetly singing

The record spun and Giles eased himself into his chair, drink in hand, alone with his memories and the music of his youth.

He brought the glass to his lips and took a sip. He didn’t often allow his thoughts to wander back to that day, with Joyce and Ethan Rayne and those bloody candy bars. Not to mention the police car…

Giles shook his head ruefully. They’d managed to move past any awkwardness, mainly by never speaking of it again. But all things considered, he’d been very fond of Joyce and was full of admiration for how she’d raised her daughters as a single parent. He liked to think she, too, had been appreciative of his role in Buffy’s life. He swallowed a mouthful of his drink, and with it his feelings of unease about what Joyce might have said if she’d ever found out what he and Buffy had done. She never would, so there was little point in worrying about it now. Even that realisation filled him with sorrow, and he took another sip. He’d gladly face the potential discomfort of such a situation if it meant she could still be here, living her life, with her girls. It was all so unjust.

A knock at the door punctuated his thoughts, and he downed the last of his drink before getting up from his chair, lifting the needle off the record and answering.

Buffy stood there and smiled weakly. “Hey. Sorry to disturb you, but you did say to come by if I needed anything. Well, you actually said to call, but…”

“It’s fine,” Giles said. “I meant call or come by, or anything. Come in.”

Anything. There it was again.

“Thanks.” Buffy stepped inside and immediately noticed the empty glass and the record that was still sitting on the turntable. “I’m not interrupting something, am I?”

“No. I was just… reminiscing.”

“About Mom?”

He stared at her. “Um, yes, actually. How did you know?”

She smiled as she ran her eyes over the record’s centre label. “Just a hunch,” she said. “Mom loved this kind of music.”

“Yes,” Giles said. “She, um, mentioned it once or twice.” He wandered back over to the chair he’d been sitting in before she arrived and lowered himself onto the edge of it, clasping his hands together. “Probably a ridiculous question to ask given the circumstances, but… how are you?”

Buffy turned and looked at him, her eyes filled with sadness. “I could say I’m fine, but I’d be lying.” She exhaled, then whispered, “It’s tough.”

“Of course,” Giles said softly. “You’ve been through an immense trauma, Buffy. And now that the funeral is over, things must feel… surreal.”

“You can say that again. I’m just not really sure what to do. I’ve been wandering around Sunnydale all day, by myself, just doing nothing but walking and thinking. So much thinking.” She sighed. “And now I don’t wanna go home, because I don’t know what to say to anybody, you know? But then I also feel guilty because Dawn needs me and she’s still with Tara and Willow, and I feel like everybody’s having to pick up the pieces for me.”

He nodded slowly. “What you’re saying, and feeling, is perfectly understandable. Grief is complicated and can make us feel many different things all at once; often conflicting things. But I can assure you: you are not burdening anyone. Tara and Willow are your friends. They want to help.”

She smiled at him. “How do you always know stuff?”

“A great deal of life experience. And I’ve lost my fair share of people over the years.”

“Like Jenny?”

He cleared his throat and looked down at his lap. “Yes. Like Jenny.”

Buffy closed her eyes and sighed, shaking her head as if to admonish herself. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up difficult stuff.”

“No need to be sorry. It’s good to remember those we cared for.”

Buffy sat down on the arm of another chair. “I never got a chance to say thank you. For coming over so quickly when I called, after…” She trailed off. It was still too painful to talk explicitly about that day. “And for being there, through this whole thing.”

Giles leaned forward. “You don’t need to thank me, Buffy,” he said firmly. “You’ll always have my support, no matter what. You know that.”

“I do.” She paused. “And I also wanted to tell you that I saw Angel last night. At the cemetery.”

Giles removed his glasses. “Oh?”

“Yeah. After everyone else left, I stayed for a while. Just to be with Mom, you know? Have some alone time. Angel came, and we talked. He, uh… tried to kiss me.”

“I see.”

“But I pulled away,” she added quickly. “I told him I didn’t want to go down that road. Too much has happened.”

Giles looked thoughtful. “Did you, um… tell him—”

“About you and me? No. I didn’t think it was a good idea.”

He nodded. “Yes. Of course. Probably for the best.”

“But not because I’m ashamed of what we’ve done,” she insisted. “It would just be awkward, with mine and Angel’s history. I did say there was someone else. Kind of.”

“Kind of?”

“Well, I said it was casual. Which it is. And I also didn’t know if we were still a ‘thing’, you know. A casual… thing.”

Giles sat, taking in everything she was saying. He’d also been unsure of the status of their arrangement, but it looked as though he now had his answer. He took a deep breath, bracing himself for what might unfold. “And… would you still like us to be?”

Buffy’s eyes lit up, with a spark Giles hadn’t seen in quite a while. She stood up and made her way over to where he sat, stopping right in front of him. “What do you think?” she asked. She took his glasses from his hand and placed them on a side table, then moved in and pressed her lips to his. Before he knew it he was leaning back in the chair and she was straddling his lap, yet their kisses remained soft and gentle. All of Giles’s instincts were telling him that tenderness was what Buffy needed right now. Although she had initiated this, he didn’t want to rush. He slowly trailed his hand up the back of her top, taking his time and enjoying the sensation of her warm skin against his fingers.

After a few moments they broke apart and she leaned back slightly, allowing her to pull her top off over her head. She took a moment to study Giles’s face and cupped it in her hand, lightly stroking his cheek with her thumb. He reached up and took her hand in his, kissing her palm and then the inside of her wrist, before working his way along her arm. Buffy closed her eyes and let out a contented sigh. Eventually he reached her collar bone, then her neck. He felt her hands on the back of his head, the soft hums vibrating in her throat and the steady rise and fall of her chest against him as he peppered her with kisses.

Finally, she prised his face away from her skin. With a smile, she shifted forward in his lap and began unbuttoning his shirt.

All was still. Giles remained sprawled in his chair with Buffy on top of him, enveloped in his arms, her head tucked into the crook of his shoulder. He’d reached for a nearby blanket when their post-coital body heat had lowered sufficiently to feel the chill in the air, and it now covered them as they rested together in the lamplight, their gentle breaths the only sound in the room.

It was Buffy who broke the silence. “This is nice,” she said. “Just having you hold me.”

“Mm.” He rested his chin on the top of her head. “It’s nice holding you.”

“Don’t you wish you could stay like this and never have to do anything else ever again?”

“Tempting as it is, I’m not sure my back would agree,” he teased.

She patted him playfully. “Come on, what’s not to like? No responsibilities, no slaying, no forces of darkness… just lots of sex. And holding, and stuff. Mainly sex, though.”

He smiled. “In an ideal world.”

They passed several more moments in silence. Then Buffy asked, “Does it ever get any easier?”

“What?”

“This whole… grief thing.”

Giles thought for a minute. “The, uh, absence of those we loved leaves a void that can never be filled. But, with time, and support from others whom we love, we learn a new way of living. Different from the way we lived before, but with new possibilities and opportunities.”

Buffy nodded. “That’s good to know.” She sighed and rubbed her palm up and down his arm. “Thank you, by the way. For being there for me.”

“You’ve already thanked me. There’s really no need—”

“No, I mean… for this, here. Right now.” She tilted her head up to look at him.

He wrapped her in a tighter embrace. “I told you I’d give you anything you needed. And I meant every word.”

She smiled gratefully and craned her neck to kiss him softly on the lips, then returned to resting her head on him. “And you’re really okay with this being the way it is? Because after Riley, and Angel, and… Mom…” She inhaled deeply to avoid being overwhelmed by her emotions. “I don’t know if I can handle losing anyone else, Giles. Everyone leaves me in the end, and that’s why this needs to not be complicated.”

“Buffy,” Giles said softly, cupping her chin with his hand. “Listen to me. I won’t let that happen. I promise.” He pressed his forehead against hers and whispered, “You’re not going to lose me.”

He brushed her lips with his, and they soon dissolved into more passionate kisses, Buffy rolling onto her front once more. Then the phone rang, breaking the spell.

Buffy groaned. “Do you need to answer that?”

“I probably should. It might be something important.”

She climbed off his lap and moved the blanket to one side, allowing him to get up and answer.

“Hello? Willow.” He turned to look at Buffy. “Um, yes, she’s here…”

Buffy frowned and took the phone from Giles’s hand. “Will? What’s up?”

“Buffy! Thank god. I tried calling your house but there was no answer, so I figured I’d try Giles’s.”

Buffy glanced down at her naked form, then over at Giles in his equal state of undress, and gave silent thanks to the universe for Willow’s inability to see through a phone receiver.

“Anyway, you need to get home quickly. Before Dawn does, if she’s not already there… I think she’s about to do something really dangerous.”

Chapter Text

“Dawn…”

Buffy burst into the room, just as she heard the ominous rumble of thunder, to find her sister kneeling on the floor, candles lit, their mother’s photo and a scrap of paper in front of her. She’d left Giles waiting downstairs, as he’d insisted on accompanying her home once she’d informed him of the seriousness of Willow’s phone call.

“What have you done?” she demanded. She felt she had a pretty good idea, but she needed to hear it straight from Dawn’s mouth.

“She’s coming,” Dawn muttered, rising slowly to her feet. “She’s coming home.” With that, she turned and fled, leaving Buffy to pick up the piece of paper. She quickly scanned the words and her fears were confirmed. It was a resurrection spell.

“Dawn!” Buffy called out while hurrying down the stairs. Giles was standing at the bottom, looking concerned, but Dawn didn’t appear to register his presence as she rushed past him. Buffy called out to her again and she spun round to face her.

“You have no idea what you’re messing with! Who knows what you actually raised; what’s gonna come through that door?”

“No, I know.” Dawn pleaded her case, her voice shaking with emotion. “It’ll be her.”

“No.” Buffy tried a gentler tone. She had to make her listen, before it was too late. “Tara told me that these spells go bad all the time. People come back wrong.”

Still Dawn refused to take it in. “She won’t. He told me her DNA—”

“Who told you?” Buffy interrupted, grabbing her by the arms. “Who helped you?”

“Nobody! Let me go!” Dawn protested angrily.

Giles took a step forward, unsure of whether to intervene before things got too heated.

“You have to stop it. Reverse it,” Buffy continued.

“No!”

“Dawn, you know this is wrong. You know you can’t let this happen. Not to Mom.” Her eyes were glistening with tears.

“But I need her. I don’t care if she…” Dawn trailed off. “I’m not like you, Buffy. I don’t have anybody.”

“What?” Buffy stared at her. Surely she realised how much she loved her? That every decision she’d have to make from now on was to protect her? “Of course you do. You have me.”

Dawn shook her head. “No I don’t. You won’t even look at me. It’s so obvious you don’t want me around.”

Giles finally spoke. “That’s not true, Dawn. I know you’ve been through a terrible ordeal and you’re grieving — you both are — but Buffy loves you very much, and I promise you, you are her number one priority.”

Dawn looked at him and shook her head. “Of course you’re gonna say that. You always take her side; you and all the others. No one ever takes mine.”

“It’s not a question of taking sides. It’s simply the truth.”

“No, it’s not,” Dawn said firmly, turning back to Buffy. “Mom died, and it’s like you don’t even care.”

Her words hit Buffy like a punch in the gut. “Of course I care,” she said, trying desperately to prevent the anger now bubbling up inside her from boiling over. “How can you even think that?”

“How can I not? You haven’t even cried. You’ve just been running around like it’s been some big chore or something. Clearing up after Mom’s mess.”

It happened in an instant, like an elastic band snapping. Buffy felt — and heard — her hand connect with Dawn’s face, and suddenly Giles was stepping between them. He instinctively touched Dawn’s shoulder as she cradled her cheek, then looked at Buffy helplessly.

“Oh my god,” she muttered, horrified, her hand over her mouth, as Dawn stared at her in disgust.

“See?” Dawn blurted out, looking up at Giles. “I told you she doesn’t want me around.”

“Dawn…” Buffy tried to explain herself. “I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like that.” She sighed. “I’ve been working. I’ve been busy because I have to—”

“No,” Dawn interrupted. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I’m not!” Buffy was frantic now, tears streaming from her eyes. “I have to do these things, ‘cause… when I stop, then she’s really gone.”

As he listened to her raw honesty, Giles closed his eyes in order to disguise the fact that they were now stinging with his own tears.

“And I’m trying,” she continued. “Dawn, I am really trying to take care of things, but I don’t even know what I’m doing. Mom always knew.”

Dawn listened, then finally softened. “Nobody’s asking you to be Mom.”

“Well who’s gonna be if I’m not? Have you even thought about that? Who’s gonna make things better? Who’s gonna take care of us?”

Suddenly, Giles’s eyes were drawn to the window. A shadowy figure passed by; a silhouette he recognised only too well. His throat tightened. He looked at Dawn, who had clearly noticed it too.

“Buffy…”

Dawn’s grave tone of voice and Giles’s ashen expression unnerved Buffy, who froze. Then there was a knock at the door.

She turned around. “Mommy…”

Giles couldn’t see her face, but the way she uttered that word set alarm bells ringing in his brain. “Buffy, no,” he called out as she hurried over to the front door, then looked at Dawn with urgency in his eyes. “Please,” was all he had time to say.

Dawn knew what he meant. She grabbed the photo of Joyce she’d been using for the spell and tore it in two, just as Buffy pulled the door open.

She was confronted by a silent, empty driveway. There was no one around; not even a hint that anyone had knocked. Buffy searched from left to right with her eyes, taking in as much of the street beyond as she could. Although she had begged Dawn not to go through with this, because she knew in her heart it was the wrong thing to do, something deep within her had longed for her mom to be standing there. She wanted nothing more than to hug her, to hear her say everything was going to be okay, that the three of them would be back together and everything would be exactly as it was meant to be.

But it could never have been like that. Not really.

“Buffy.” Giles’s soft voice penetrated her thoughts and she turned around to see him standing right there, looking at her with so much concern. She closed the door behind her, her bottom lip trembling, and threw her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. He closed his eyes and placed his hand protectively on the back of her head, saying nothing, letting the gesture speak for itself. After a moment, he glanced at Dawn standing behind them and motioned to her to come over, then unfolded Buffy from his arms, allowing her to embrace her sister. The two crumpled in a heap on the floor, releasing all of their combined sorrow in loud sobs.

Having said goodnight to Dawn, Buffy came downstairs for a glass of water and was surprised to see Giles sitting on the couch.

“I thought you went home,” she said.

“Yes, well... I couldn’t leave without making sure you were alright.”

She went over and sat down next to him. “I’m okay. Well. As okay as you can be after your mother almost comes back from the dead.” She paused. “Sorry. That wasn't supposed to sound so... nonchalant.”

Giles shook his head. “You don’t have to apologise, Buffy. You're entitled to talk about your loss however you see fit. How is Dawn?”

“Asleep. We talked things over and I think she gets it now. You know, the reasons why I haven’t been myself lately.”

“Good. I felt she would come round; she just needed some time. You’re grieving. Both of you. And, on top of that, you’ve had rather a lot of other challenges to cope with. Not least, Glory.”

“Yeah,” she sighed, then looked at him softly. “But I’ve had you to help me with that. Dawn… It’s like she said: she hasn’t had anyone. She hasn’t had me. And I know I’ve had my own stuff going on, but I should have been there for her when she needed me. I let her down.”

Giles put his hand on her knee. “Listen to me. You have not let her down. You’re trying your best. That’s all any of us can do. We may not always get it right, but the important thing is that we try.”

“Even when you’re the Slayer?”

“Even then. Because you’re human.”

Buffy touched his hand, their fingers entwining, and leant her head against his upper arm. “I am a pretty badass human, though,” she said.

Giles chuckled. “I have never doubted that for a second. The way you stood up to the Council... I'm in awe of your strength. Don't ever underestimate it.” He looked down at her. “I’m proud of you. And I’m proud to be your Watcher again.”

She met his gaze and smiled. “You’re more than my Watcher, and you know it.”

That much was true, Giles thought as he smiled back at her. But how much more? Buffy had made it clear that casual was all she wanted from him — but what if tonight’s events had changed her mind?

“Thank you for coming back with me,” she said. “I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t been here.”

He cleared his throat. “Well, I had very little to do with it. It was Dawn who decided to reverse the spell, in the end.”

“Mm,” Buffy muttered. “Giles… about the spell…” She stared down at her feet. “When I went to answer the door, I felt… excited, for a moment. The thought of having Mom back — even though I knew it was wrong, that she might come back wrong — for a few seconds, none of that mattered. And then when I saw she wasn’t there, it was like my heart broke all over again. Is that insane?”

“Absolutely not,” Giles assured her. “It would be surprising if you didn’t have mixed feelings about it.” He put his hand on her back. “It’s okay to wish things were different, Buffy. It doesn’t make you insane. As I said — it makes you human.”

She looked at him again and smiled. “You always make everything better.” Reaching up and cupping his face, she slowly ran her thumb over his lips. He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply, then leant down to kiss her. Conscious of Dawn’s presence upstairs, and of the risk of her venturing back down should she wake up and hear anything, he tried his best to keep things low-key. As though reading his thoughts, Buffy eventually prised her mouth from his before things could go any further.

“Maybe you should get going,” she said.

He nodded. “Yes. Of course.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” she explained. “Because I do. It’s just, Dawn—”

Giles waved a hand, silencing her. “It’s okay. You’re right. It wouldn’t be appropriate.”

They stood up and she walked him over to the front door, where they both hovered for a moment before she opened it and he stepped outside into the glow of the street lights.

“Another time,” Buffy said, more as a statement than a question, when she was at a safe enough distance not to change her mind and invite him straight back in. “You know. When we can be appropriately inappropriate.”

Giles smiled coyly. “Another time.”

When he’d left, she shut the door, turned and slumped back against it with a heavy sigh.