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Chapter Text

*Cue Intro*

*Bay Area Hip-Hop Instrumental Begins*

*A cyan-haired kid is shown rapping with a microphone that is not plugged in. Text appears in the lower left corner that reads ‘Jayden’.*

*A ginger is shown smoking weed and holding a gun in his free hand. Text appears in the same corner as before, reading ‘Pico’.*

*A dark-skinned kid is shown cleaning burn marks off of his shoes. Text appears in the bottom corner that reads ‘Darnell’.*

*A Latino kid is shown sucking his thumb in a Holister’s. Text appears in the bottom corner that reads ‘Nova’.*

*The 4 boys are seen standing and posing in the back of a truck with the city in the background. The title of the show, Real Bros of Funk Valley, appears.*

*End Intro*

~~~

Jayden Fairest, 20

A young cyan-haired man with a red hat seated on a couch waves to the camera. 

“What’s up, my name’s Jayden!” He spoke. “Best rapper in the valley!” He shrugged like it was common knowledge.

*With his voiceover, a clip of Jayden inside his room recording a song is shown*

“I’d say I’ve been in Funk Valley for…” Jayden pauses to think. “20 years? Won’t be leaving, either. I mean, I have everything I need. My family…”

A picture of Jayden and his family is shown. Him, his mother, father, brother, and sister all smiling brightly in front of a Christmas tree.

“My friends…”

A clip of Jayden and three other boys laughing at a music shop is shown, with Jayden sitting behind the counter. 

“The best Mexican food in Cali…”

A photo of Jayden messily eating a taco is shown. Stains had gotten on his shirt.

“…that’s about it.”

The scenes cuts to Jayden tuning a guitar as he speaks over the video.

“I’ve been working at my parent’s music shop for… 2 years now.” The strings on the guitar snapped off just as he finished speaking. “Probably gonna take the place over one day.”

The scene goes back to Jayden in the interview. “I’d say the best thing about working at a music shop is that I can make my own gear look badass,” Jayden tells the camera. He reached over to bring his guitar into the frame. It was a simple black fender guitar with a ‘No’ symbol as a sticker. 

“My parents bought this for me for my 18th birthday,” He explains. “I mean, it came with brand new strings, new headstock, new pickups, a pack of picks, it was cleaned… but I got the sticker.”

“I’m a single pringle right now. Don’t tell the guys I said ‘single pringle’.  What are the upsides of being alone?” Jayden ponders the question. “More free time than I need.”

“But y’know, I used to sleep around back in high school,” He laughs. “I used to date this one girl, Ayana, but things got stale and we ended it. Mutually. There was another girl, Sky, who was very clingy. I didn’t even date her, we were just friends… and there was… uh, let’s not dive into that one.” Jayden cringed. “Me and him both agreed never to speak about it. It was like… 2 years ago.

~~~

Pico Reade, 20

A ginger is shown sitting in a different room, throwing up the west side gang sign to the camera. “I’m Pico,” He tells the camera as he pulls out a blunt. “Best rapper in the valley. Don’t care what Jayden said. He’s a known liar.” Pico pulls out a lighter. 

The scene switches to show Pico angrily toasting a sandwich at Subway. It ends up burnt. 

“If you would’ve told me five years ago that I’d be working at a Subway, I would’ve probably shot you,” He laughs, but then stops abruptly. “But here we are.”

“I guess it’s not all bad,” He sighs. “One of my co-workers is alright, but they’re out of town right now. Nova knows more about that than I do.”

A picture of Pico with a Latino coworker is shown. The two of them seemed to be laughing hysterically together. 

“Yeah, Sunday’s great,” He tells the camera. “They have a thing about Karl Marx and all that, though. She’ll probably uproot Subway one day.”

“I guess if I had to choose a perk of working in this hellhole besides Sunday, it would be the free food,” Pico said. “And sometimes I go in the back and burn, but yeah.”

Pico groans. “Yes, the rumors are true. Me and Jayden dated when we were seniors. Whoop de doo,” He sighed. “Obviously we’re both over it. Wouldn’t want to make things awkward for Nova or Darnell. Don’t show that picture of us at prom, or I’ll shoot you.

A photo is shown of Pico and Jayden wearing tuxedos with green and blue ties respectively. 

“The gun?” Pico motions to an uzi on his nightstand. “That’s none of your business. But I will say I like to practice at the…” He stifled a laugh. “… ‘gun range’. There’s the door, by the way.”

~~~

“Pico’s been working at Subway for a while, but he’s always been stingy with the food,” Jayden complained to the camera. “He always walks into the shop while I’m working with a big ass foot long sandwich in his hands and never brings the boys one. It’s messed up.” 

“He acts like I wasn’t the one that inspired him to apply there all those years ago. Like, one year, but still,” Jayden whined. “Whatever. I can make my own sandwiches. I don’t need no man.”

~~~

“I dunno,” Pico shrugs. “Honestly, sometimes I just wanna get the fuck out of the valley.” 

The camera zooms in on him. “But at the same time… I got my boys here. Weed, music, and guns, too. In that specific order.” 

The scene switches to Pico in a recording booth at Jayden’s (parent’s) house with Pico’s voiceover.

“I guess you could say I have a bit of a passion for rapping. Mostly to all the bitches who say I can’t do it. I can do whatever I want. Rapping included.”

~~~

Nova Cynosa, 19

Nova, refusing to speak for unknown reasons, uses sign language and text messages to communicate.

“What up, name’s Nova, 19, you know the deal,” the Latino signs with a smirk. “Funk Valley OG. That’s me. Wasn’t born here, though…”

A scene of Nova running a red light in his black truck is shown.

“I met the homies back in high school. AP American Sign Language. We were destined to be bros,”  Nova shrugs.

“I first found out I had a passion for producing… when I was born.” Nova stops to think. “Yeah, when I was born. I’ve been about it for years. Nineteen years.”

A photo is shown of a newborn baby, presumably Nova, inside a recording studio with his father. Another photo appears on the screen of Nova at the studio desk, having made a beat to rap to.

“Right after I was born, my dad took me to a studio to hear some ACTUAL music.” He narrates.

“I’ve been making beats ever since. Ever hear the Holister playlist?” He chuckled quietly. “I didn’t actually… produce any of the songs, but I suggested them to the store managers. I don’t know if they play it…” 

Nova scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’m kinda in between jobs right now.” 

“I WOULD be working with Darnell at Chuck E. Cheese, but…” Nova snickers. “I have better things to do.”

The scene changes to show Nova blasting rap through a speaker as he lay alone on his bed (sucking his thumb).

“I was working at Cold Stone Creamery for a while, but I got fired. Dick manager, you know how it is,” Nova laughs. “And something about throwing ice cream at a customer or whatever. Darnell was there, took a picture.”

The photo in question is shown on the screen. Nova had already thrown the ice cream, and it was mid-air, heading straight towards a girl with a pink sweater and matching beanie.

“Why’d I throw it? Bitch was giving me death threats, and apparently she had been stalking me.” Nova shivered as he recalled the interaction. “She had ugly ass Uggs, too. Probably why they named them… Uggs.” 

~~~

Darnell Banks, 20

“What up, I’m Darnell,” spoke a dark-skinned kid with an oversized flat top standing inside his room with a lighter in his hands. “Fire enthusiast. Others will say Pyromaniac. I embrace that, because it’s a sick nickname. It’s not an issue like everyone says it is.” He hid the lighter behind his back.

“I’ve known Pico since… like, my elementary days, man,” Darnell said as the scene switched to show a photo of Darnell and Pico outside of an elementary school. “I met the other two guys in High school. Good times. I was a badass in highschool. I still am.”

“High school was lit, dude,” Darnell continued with a slight laugh. “Me and the guys all wore matching Forces to the prom. It was badass.”

A picture is shown of Jayden, Pico, Darnell, and Nova in matching tuxedos (blue tie, green tie, purple tie, and a brown tie respectively) with matching black Air Forces, all four of them throwing up the West side gang sign.

“Where do I work?” Darnell laughs off the questions. “I work for myself. Not for the man. I work for the streets. Thug shit.”

“Wait, Nova told you where I worked?” Darnell asked. “Fuck.”

~~~

“I’m not gonna lie,” Jayden began. “Darnell was the fucking guy back in high school. Not to glaze or anything.”

A picture of Darnell and Jayden in a recording studio is shown. Darnell sits at the desk and Jayden stands at the microphone.

“Definitely the king of Funk Valley.” Jayden laughs quietly.

“He nearly got the attention of a record label manager near the end of senior year,” he explained. “We all went to cyphers and shit, but he was an instant legend.”

~~~

“I think it was the… second biggest rapper in the valley at the time was at a cypher the four of us pulled up to,” Pico told the camera. “Darnell ruined him. It was the greatest diss I think I’ve ever heard. He went home crying, Darnell just walked away casually.” Pico laughs. 

“We all thought he was gonna go pro, but that was until…” Pico stops, his smile quickly fading. “The incident.”

A picture is shown of Darnell sitting with his hands in his face on his bed, clearly embarrassed and humiliated.

~~~

“It was fucked, dude,” Nova exhaled deeply. “I remember we were all standing around him while he was rapping, he was dissing the other guy, everyone was cheering, and then…” Nova catches a tear falling down his cheek.

“He choked. He fumbled his words, even started stuttering…” Nova shook his head sadly. “He hasn’t rapped since. He’s my competing producer now.”

~~~

“Yeah, I could rap again.” Darnell shrugged nonchalantly. “If I wanted to. But I don’t want to, 'cause rapping is stupid. So… I’ll stick to making sick ass beats.”

He cleared his throat, and an awkward silence followed.

~~~

“My girlfriend, Jasmine, is in Mexico with her little friend group right now,” Nova signs to the camera. “But she’s getting back tomorrow, I figured we could… I dunno, surprise them with something. Maybe a little party. I’ll plan something with the guys.”

A photo of Jasmine and Nova kissing at prom is shown.

“Jasmine? Oh, she’s great,” Nova swoons. “We’ve been together since prom, where I spelled out ‘Prom?’ with Takis and glue. Not an easy task. But she said yes, and here we are.”

~~~

Jayden’s parent’s house, 6 pm 

Nova, Darnell, and Pico sat on a couch in the basement, known as their ‘lair’ according to Jayden. Nova sat typing away on his phone while Darnell and Pico shadow boxed. Just then, Jayden entered the room.

“Back from the bathroom…” He says to himself as he plopped down next to Nova. “It was number two.”

“…okay?” Pico replied. A dramatic boom plays, zooming in on Jayden’s face, making a confrontational look. The others stay quiet.

Nova decided to take this opportunity to spring his idea to the guys. He first had to get their attention by sending a gif of Cartman from South Park.

“What the fuck does this have to do with anything just now?” Darnell asked.

“I wanted to say that we should plan something for the girls when they get back from Mexico,” Nova proposed.

“Oh, good idea,” Darnell told him. “Uh… I got some firecrackers and stuff we can light up, it’s pretty badass. We can shoot them at each other.”

“That’s more of a ‘you’ thing,” Pico replied. “Hear me out. Gun range. A few blunts here and there. THAT’s a good time right there.”

“You’ll probably shoot us,” Nova told him. Pico shrugged, not denying it.

“Why don’t we, like, stay away from drugs and have a chill-ass barbecue?” Jayden suggested. “My dad has a rack of ribs in the freezer.”

“Wait… I got it…” Darnell gasped, the camera zooming in on his face. “We go get a keg… and have a kickback?” The other three gasped, and looked at each other with wide eyes.

~~~

“Honestly, when I heard Darnell say the words ‘kickback’ to us…” Pico began in front of the camera. “I was like 'Damn… that’s the move.' It’s probably the best idea he ever had.”

~~~

“Damn…” Pico began. “That’s the move.”

“Oh, sounds sick,” Nova signed. “We’ll start getting it set up tomorrow, then.”

“We can probably use my dad’s foldable table at the gym for beer pong, too,” Darnell told them. Pico dapped him up. 

“Yo, Nova…” Jayden started. “Did Jasmine hit you back yet?”

Nova sighed. “Nah, but… she’s in Mexico, they still ride horses and stuff. They probably don’t have good service.” He chuckled nervously. The others grimaced.

~~~

”Jasmine hasn’t really been answering my calls or texts,” Nova explained with a quiet sigh. *“I’m kinda trippin’. But not really, because I’m not a bitch.”

“But it’s not like I’m worried or anything.” He dons a confident smile. “It’s just the other guys are getting in my head.”

~~~

“Lowkey?” Darnell checks to make sure no one was listening. “Between you and me?” He leans forward to whisper to the camera.

“Nova’s trippin’ because he thinks Jasmine fucked a DJ in Cancún.” He laughs quietly. “Poor guy. I would never let that happen to me, though. My dick game is too good.”

~~~

Nova’s phone began to buzz. He quickly took it out. “Yo, it’s Jasmine!” He told the guys. “Someone talk for me.”

He hands the phone to Jayden, since the other two are known to troll.

“Yo,” He says into the phone. “Jasmine? It’s Jayden. I’m with Nova and the guys.” Nothing is heard except an unintelligible conversation. He presses the ‘End Call’ button. “… butt dial.” 

~~~

Darnell gives an ‘I told you so’ look to the camera.

~~~

The guys look around uncomfortably as Jayden hands a defeated Nova back his cell phone. He awkwardly puts it back in his pocket. Dramatic music plays in the background as the video fades to black.

~~~

Next time on ‘Real Bros of Funk Valley’…

The truth of Jasmine’s activities in Cancún are revealed…

“Yo…” Pico starts over the phone. “Did Jasmine really fuck a DJ in Mexico?” 

“Nah, I don’t THINK so…” Jayden answers, unsure.

Tensions rise between Darnell and Nova…

“Yo, why don’t you shut the fuck up, Darnell?” Nova signs as he and Darnell get in each other’s faces, the other boys gasping.

Darnell snickers. “Tryna throw down or what?”

Serious accusations are thrown Darnell’s way…

“You don’t smoke?” Pico asks in a mocking way. “Alright…” He stifles a laugh.

Darnell looks offended. “What? No, I fucking smoke all the time. Give me the blunt right now!”

“No, I’M smoking right now.”

*End Scene*

Chapter Text

The camera zooms in on Jayden behind the counter at Ollie’s World Music, his father’s music shop. He sits there reading through a magazine as an Auburn-haired girl approaches the counter with a packaged microphone and a JBL speaker in her hands. She wore a red dress and a bright smile as she set her items down on the counter, presumably to buy it. “Hey!” She said cheerily.

Jayden quickly stood up and set the magazine aside to ring the girl up. “A microphone, hm?” He asked. “You do any singing?”

The girl smiled. “A little bit,” She answered. “A lot of my friends are into music and stuff. I guess the bug spread to me.”

”Same here,” Jayden told the girl as the price appears on the card reader: $229. Jayden figured she must be rich, which wasn’t entirely unusual in the valley. “Except, uh, I’m the one who got my friends into it.” The girl giggles as she pays for her items.

”See you around!” She says as Jayden bags her microphone and speaker. He hands it to her with a smile.

”Good luck with your singing!” He calls out. She returns his smile as she walks out the door.

The camera zooms in on Jayden’s face as his lips curl into a smile.

~~~

Jayden shrugs, pretending to be nonchalant. “What can I say? I still got that dog in me.” He laughs quietly, before he begins to realize something. “…I didn’t get her number…” 

~~~

*Cue Intro*

~~~

”Jayden, I-“ A man walks into Jayden’s bedroom and stops in his tracks. 

Jayden could be seen on his computer, making a drum beat in the shape of boobs. Nova is on his bed, watching with a smirk.

“What’s up, dad?” Jayden asks.

”Um…” The man watches as Jayden change the tabs on his computer screen to be a YouTube video. “I was wondering what you wanted for dinner…” Nova waves to Jayden’s dad with a smile. “Hey, Nova.”

”Maybe some Subway,” He jokes. Nova quietly laughs. “But for real, Subway sounds pretty good right now.”

~~~

Oliver Fairest, 47


“I try to do everything I can to put my son in a position to be successful,” Oliver tells the camera. He sits on an office chair it what seems to be a study. “His sister made it big, so I can obviously raise a star.” 

A picture of international pop star Hatsune Miku is shown standing with Jayden and the rest of their family on a beach 

“Hm?” Oliver raises an eyebrow. “Yes, she was adopted. That doesn’t make her any less family.”

“I see the same drive in Jayden like Miku had,” Oliver sighs quietly. “But he’s just fucking lazy.”

A clip is shown of Oliver walking into his music store to see Jayden sleeping at the front counter.

”Don’t even get me started on his idiotic friends.”

~~~

”Go ahead and head to the garage,” Jayden tells Nova after his father exits his room. The basement, their usual spot, is for “The Boys only” according to Jayden. The garage, however, is for everyone. “I’m gonna go pick up the girls from the airport. Pico and Darnell should be heading over here soon.”

Nova nodded. “And by the way, the only reason I wasn’t asked to pick them up is because my car is in the shop. Just so you know.”

”Sure, man.” Jayden tried not to laugh as the two went their separate ways.

~~~

Chuck E. Cheese, 4:30 PM

Darnell could be seen taking off the Chuck E. Cheese costume as his phone rang on a nearby counter. He looked to see that Jayden had still not picked up.

Pico sat in a chair in the corner of the room, taking a video of Darnell in his Chuck E. Cheese costume. Darnell angrily motioned for the cameras to go away before Jayden answered the call.

“You may speak…” Jayden answers.

”What’s up, just wondering what you were up to,” Darnell spoke into the phone, almost falling as he took off the Chuck E. Cheese legs. “I’m ’bout to get off work.”

”Nothing much, Mr. Chucky-Ass Cheese. I’m on my way to pick up the girls from the airport-“ A loud honk could be heard. “Oops. Ran a red light.” Jayden quietly chuckles. 

“Real shit, I be doing that…” Darnell sighs with relief as he tosses the costume to the other side of the room.

Pico looks up from his phone, not wanting to beat around the bush. “Yo,” He begins. “Do you know if Jasmine actually fucked that DJ in Mexico?” Darnell snickered .

”Nah, I don’t THINK so…” Jayden answers, unsure. “Wait, is this Cheese Puff?”

Darnell laughs. “Give me back the phone, Cheesy.”

”Who you calling cheesy? Look at your costume,” Pico cackles.. Darnell gets quiet. “Fuckin’ Chud.”

“You gotta stop saying that shit about Jasmine, though,” Jayden laughs over the phone. “Nova’s starting to get pissed.”

”He’s a bitch,” Darnell told Jayden. “Whatever.”

”I’m stoked for the kickback, though,” Pico commented. “Best damn idea I ever had.” Darnell pretended to slap Pico across the back of the head.

“Alright, I’m pulling up to the airport right now,” Jayden told them. “I’ll see you guys at my place.”

~~~

Jayden’s Parent’s House

Pico and Darnell sat in Jayden’s garage while Nova was grabbing drinks from upstairs. Pico sat smoking a joint while Darnell fiddled with a lighter, holding it up to his finger. He laughed as he burned himself.

Pico holds out the joint to Darnell. “You wanna hit?”

Darnell shakes his head. “Nah, dude.” He accidentally burns his finger on the lighter.

Pico snickers quietly as the camera zooms in on his face, tense music beginning to play in the background.

”What?” Darnell asks.

”Nothing, dude… but you don’t smoke?”Pico asks in a mocking way. “Alright…” He fails to stop himself from laughing. 

Darnell looks offended. “What? No! I fuckin’ smoke all the time.”

”Sure, man…” 

“Give me the joint then!” Darnell holds his hand out impatiently.

”No, cuz you don’t burn.”

”Nah hand it over, I wanna burn right now!”

”I’M burning right now. You can burn later.” Darnell forcefully tries to take the blunt, but Pico moves his hand away.

A loud honk is heard form the parking lot.

“Dick,” Darnell grumbles. “The girls are here.”

The two stand up and walk outside where Jayden and his truck could be seen parked against the curb. He quickly exited the driver’s side. “Look who’s back!”

“Hey, babies~!” Nova’s girlfriend, Jasmine, was first to exit the truck. She waved to the other boys as they exchanged hugs. 

“Jesus, you just had to stuff me in the middle?” Sunday, Pico’s co-worker, hopped out of the truck, and instantly went to noogie Pico.

“Ow, fuck!” Pico laughs, breaking out of her grip. 

”So how was Mexico?” Darnell asks, slightly jealous of the girls.

“They were so helpless!” Jasmine laughed. “I had to translate everything. Even for Sunday.”

”I’m not a damn poser!” Sunday replied.

“It was fucking lit,” Nene told them with a laugh. “I made a friend at the DJ table. Jasmine was shitfaced, too.” Jasmine blushed, and Jayden snuck a worried glance at the camera.

”Man…” Sunday mumbled. “That country knows how to have a badass rebellion. America needs to take some notes.”

“They also had an amazing weapons store!” Jasmine told them. “It actually might’ve been for the cartel, but Nene bought some knives anyway.”

“Nene shouldn’t be trusted with knives,” Darnell commented. She made a stabbing motion towards as a threat.

”So, Jayden tells us there’s a little surprise coming up,” Jasmine said. “We’re excited.”

The sound of a closing door could be heard behind the group. The camera panned to show Nova standing at the doorway with a 12 pack of beer. He sat it down at a nearby table. 

“Oh… didn’t know you guys were back…”

Stressful music begins to play as the others choose to remain in awkward silence, except for Jayden, who was goofily smiling.

~~~

”So, like what’s going on?” The scene changes to show Nova and Jasmine standing at a private spot behind Nova’s car. “I was calling and texting… I even DM’d you…”

“Baby, I told you, I was in Mexico,” Jasmine told him. “You know they have shitty service. We were literally riding horses.”

”Well, you butt-dialed me so you obviously called Verizon and got some sort of… international service or something.”

“Babe, you’re sort of acting psycho.”

”Not even!”

”It’s fine, there’s nothing wrong,” Jasmine told him as she rolled her eyes.

The camera pans over to Darnell hiding behind a fence, mimicking scratching a record as a DJ does, and then humping the air with giddy smile.

~~~

“Don’t know what Nova and Jasmine are doing,” Jayden sighs to the camera . “And we have Pico and Sunday over here practically making out in front of us, fuckin' pussies. They’re not even dating!”

”I’m beginning to think this kickback isn’t even gonna happen,” He sighs once more but way more dramatic than he needed to.

~~~

Jayden and the others (excluding Jasmine and Nova, who continued to have a discussion outside), sat in the garage. Darnell and Nene were laughing about something on Darnell’s phone while Sunday explained to Pico why they need to overthrow the White House.

The duos sat on either side of Jayden, who only had a bottle of coke to keep him company. 

“Yo, it’s chill you guys are back and shit…” He begins, getting their attention. “But fuck this ratio.” Anxious music begins to play as the others grow uncomfortable.

”What do you mean?” Pico asks.

”Four dudes, three chicks?” Jayden scoffs. “Not fair.”

“Not our fault,” Nene stuck her tongue out at him.

“If you’re gonna keep complaining, I’ll just text my roommate or something,” Sunday sighed. 

“Wait, for real?” Jayden beams, before clearing his throat and regaining his nonchalance. “Awesome.”

~~~

Nene Kato, Darnell’s friend

”I know that Jayden has…” She tried to stifle a laugh and fails miserably. “'Girl Problems'.”

”But he should really take a page from my book,” She continues. “Whenever I have boy problems, I [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] and they come back every time.”

“But look at him now, stressing everyone out,” Nene sighs. “I might just have to stab him if he keeps on.”

~~~

“Wait…” Jayden leans forward, interrupting everyone’s conversation. “What are we going to do about cups?” Dramatic music plays once again.

“We can… get a 50 pack from the store,” Darnell tells him with a deadpan expression.

Nene’s phone buzzes in her pocket.

”I knew they were rigged to explode!” Sunday snaps. “Apple is a corrupt company!”

”… it was just a notification,” Pico tells them. Sunday sits back with a pouty expression.

“Jasmine says her stomach hurts from the airport Mexican food,” Nene tells the group.  “I guess that means we need to head out.” She and Sunday stand up as Nova enters the room.

”I’ll take you guys home,” Pico offers, standing up as well

”See ya,” Nova signs. He quietly sits on the couch as the girls say their goodbyes, and head out with Pico. 

“Yo, what’s going on with Jasmine?” Jayden asks Nova as he hears Pico’s car growing quieter and quieter.

”I don’t know, something’s up,” Nova sighs. “I think that airport food messed her up…”

Darnell scoffs. “Definitely fucked that DJ in Cancún.”

“Yo, why don’t you shut the fuck up, Darnell?” Nova signs as he and Darnell get in each other’s faces, Jayden gasping in shock.

“What’s good?” Darnell snickers. “Tryna throw down or what?”

”Maybe I am, what’s up? We’ll go right now.”

”Let’s fucking go then.”

”Why don’t you rap your way on outta here, huh?” Nova smirks. “Oh wait…”

“So we’re going there, huh?” Darnell laughs. “Well guess what, 'bro'?”

“What?”

”The kickback…” Darnell pauses for dramatic effect. “Cancelled.”

Nova looks to the camera, confused.

”No it fucking isn’t.”

”Yes it is.” Darnell crosses his arms. “I thought of the idea, I decide whether it happens or not.”

“Is the kickback cancelled?” Nova asks Jayden.

”Uh, no…” Jayden answers.

“Nope, it’s done for,” Darnell tells them. “It’s over.”

”It’s literally not,” Jayden replies. Darnell pretends to punch him as the scene fades to black.

~~~

Next Time, on 'Real Bros of Funk Valley'…

Pico realizes something about his relationships…

”Wait…” He tells the camera. “Do I have a crush on Sunday???”

Nova fears for his relationship…

”But dude, what if she DID fuck a DJ in Mexico?” He asks Jayden. “That would mean Darnell is right.”

”You just gotta talk to her, man…” Jayden tells him.

Nova pauses briefly.

”Wait, do you think it’d be a good idea to go like…” He pauses again. “Talk to her?”

*End Scene*

Chapter Text

Jayden could be seen standing at the counter of Ollie’s World Music once more, this time singing to himself. The store had been moving slowly, so he decided to take the opportunity for some practice. 

He loudly signs the scales, not hearing the door open behind him. He hears a man clear his throat, and quickly turns around.

”Sorry!” He says sheepishly, clearing his throat, beginning to get ready at the register.

“No, you’re fine,” Says the man, a tall, purple-skinned demon with a dark gray pompadour, and black stubble. He wore a leather jacket with matching pants and dress shoes. He crossed his arms. “What’s your name?” He asks impatiently.

”Jayden Fairest, sir,” Jayden answers, growing slightly nervous. 

“How old are you?” The impatience continues, yet doesn’t grow.

”Twenty,” Jayden answers. 

“You know who I am?” The demon inquires.

”Yes sir.”

”And you know I’m on the search for talent?”

Jayden’s shoulders ease up. “Yes sir.”

”So why did you stop singing?” The demon asks.

Jayden instantly becomes flustered. He clears his throat, and begins singing a section of one of his original songs. When he finishes, he looks to the demon for approval.

”Did I tell you to start singing again?” The man taps his foot on the ground, watching Jayden intently.

”Sorry, I-“

”I asked a question, and your version of an answer was to become a little wind-up monkey,” The demon scoffs.”

Jayden doesn’t know what else to do but apologize again. “I’m sorry, I just thought that-“

“Sing me the scales,” The demon interrupts.

Jayden nods, and begins singing through the C scale. He is stopped by the demon halfway through.

“Let me hear you freestyle.” The demon points a finger upward towards the speakers in the ceilings that play soft Bay area instrumentals.

Jayden nods once again, and begins to listen in on the hip-hop track playing over the speakers. He closes his eyes as he locks in.

Pass the weed, get on the beat

Talk shit on it, make it a masterpiece

I actually ain’t really been applying myself but I’m back as me

Nasty freak

She wanna fuck me in the car, lay back the seat-

Jayden’s eyes open as hears the sound of a slammed door, and he sees the demon walking away through the glass windows of the music shop.

He scoffs as the camera zooms in on his annoyed face.

”What a dick.”

~~~

*Cue Intro*

~~~

Pico is shown sitting with Sunday in his car with a pizza, with Sunday speaking incessantly as she eats. Pico’s voice over can be heard.

”I first met Sunday… freshman year of high school,” He recalls. “They got in front of our entire history class in the second week of school and tried to stage a walk-out for Karl Marx right then and there.”

The camera cuts to him sitting on his bed as he sighs dreamily, before catching himself and regaining a straight face.

“I obviously participated,” He tells the camera. “Not because I cared about fuckass Karl Marx, but because I wanted to skip school.”

”We didn’t technically start hanging out until sophomore year after homecoming,” He explains as the camera gets uncomfortably close to Pico’s face. “What the fuck are you doing?” The camera backs up awkwardly. “Anyways…”

”She started rolling blunts, and I knew right there…” He pauses. “… that Sunday was chill as fuck.”

“And don’t tell Darnell I said this, but Sunday burns, and he doesn’t.” Pico laughs to himself, before sighing dreamily. “I like her a lot.”

He goes quiet as realization dawns on him. “Wait… do I have a crush on Sunday???”

~~~

*Flashback*

“Definitely fucked that DJ in Cancún.”

“Yo, why don’t you shut the fuck up, Darnell?” Nova signs as he and Darnell get in each other’s faces, Jayden gasping in shock.

“What’s good?” Darnell snickers. “Tryna throw down or what?”

Jayden could be seen standing outside of Nova and Jasmine’s apartment door with a slightly worried look. Muffle rap could be heard from the other side of the door.

“After shit went down between Nova and Darnell, I knew I had to talk to him,” Jayden explains.

He takes out his spare key and opens the door to see Nova lying on his sofa, sucking his thumb, as he listens to his own instrumentals playing on speakers. He quickly took his thumb out of his mouth and turned off the speakers when he saw Jayden. 

“What’s up?” He asks as he sits up.

“Nothing, nothing,” Jayden tells him, closing the door behind him. “Just wondering how you’re doing.”

“I know I’ve been hiding it well, but I’ve actually been kinda trippin’ about this Jasmine situation…” Nova sighs. “It’s super lowkey, I wouldn’t expect you to notice.”

”Uhhh…” Jayden scratches the back of his head. “I kinda noticed.”

”But dude, what if she DID fuck a DJ in Mexico?” He asks Jayden. “That would mean Darnell is right.”

”You just gotta talk to her, man…” Jayden tells him.

Nova pauses briefly.

”Wait, do you think it’d be a good idea to go like…” He pauses again. “Talk to her?”

“You might just lowkey need to talk to her”, Jayden nods.

”Damn… maybe I SHOULD talk to her…” Nova daps up Jayden for the stunning realization. “Cuz I’m for real not even doing anything, I might as well go talk to her…”

~~~

Jasmine and Nova’s texts: 

Nova: Hey when do you get off of work?

Jasmine: in like 10 mins lmao

Nova: bet, can we talk?

Jasmine: okayyyyy 

~~~

Friday, 8:34 P.M.

Nova can be seen waiting outside of Jasmine’s place of work, Funk Valley Mall (Victoria’s Secret).

“After talking to Jayden…” He begins. “I just knew that I had to talk to her.”

The camera pans to show Jasmine approaching the car with a wave. Nova takes a deep breath.

~~~

Jasmine and Nova sit in silence, the cameras positioned at a safe distance away, zooming in on them as they both fiddled with their hands.

”So…” Nova begins. Jasmine looks over at his hands. “I know you said that everything was fine, but there’s obviously something up.”

“Everything was cool before you left to visit your family in Mexico with the girls,” He sighs. “Ever since you’ve got back, you’ve been my biggest opp.”

Jasmine can’t help but laugh a little bit, before sighing quietly. “I know…”

”So be straight with me.” Nova sits up straight. “Did you fuck a DJ in Canún?”

”What?! No!” Jasmine scoffs. Nova exhales with relief. Jasmine smirks slightly. “Nene did, though.”

Novas laughs. “I’m gonna have a field day with that.”

~~~

Darnell and Nene’s texts:

Darnell: just tell me if jasmine sucked off a damn dj or not 

Nene: fine it was me 🙄

Nene: who fucked a dj

Darnell:…

Darnell: deadass?

Nene: yeah, it was some black dude who had a huge dick 😂

Darnell: I did not want to hear all of that

~~~

“So, what’s up then?” Nova asks.

Jasmine goes quiet, thinking of how to put her thoughts into words.

”My sister always makes me feel insecure about myself,” she explains sheepishly, not looking toward her boyfriend. “Every time I go to Mexico, she always gets in my head, makes me feel inadequate. Not on purpose, I hope. But she does, and it clearly made me feel shitty.”

”That’s a big word.”

”I’m sorry if I let my frustrations out on you…” She continues facing away from Nova. “You don’t have to hear about my insecurities anymore.” She forces a laugh. Jasmine turns as Nova taps on the shoulder. 

“Babe, I may not have a steady job, but what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t try to help you through personal issues?” He offers a reassuring smile. “And just to add some more to this, I’m gonna start…applying for jobs.” Nova shuddered at the thought.

Jasmine laughs for real this time. “Thanks, babe.” The two hug it out. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Wait, what about last night?” Nova asks. “When you said that your stomach was hurting and left Jayden’s place.”

”Oh, that was the airport’s Taco Bell,” She explains, clearly embarrassed. Nova nods knowingly.

~~~

Jayden’s parent’s house, 18 hours until kickback

Darnell sat in the garage with a glass bottle of alcohol, putting a cloth wick inside and pulling out a lighter. He looks at the camera with a smirk. “I’m not gonna do anything,” He says, and pulls the cloth wick out and takes a sip. 

“After me and Nova had that badass argument, I just felt like I had to take a load off,” He explains. “So I grabbed myself a drink, courtesy of Jayden’s parents. I considered turning it into a Molotov. I still am.”

He shakes his head disappointingly. “I dunno, bringing my past with rapping was just a dick move on Nova’s part.” He takes a sip of the alcohol. “It was my life. Until it wasn’t.” 

”I picked up writing lyrics for Jayden and Pico for a little while,” He tells the camera. “Wanted to go pro, could’ve spread my genius to the world without stuttering. I figured I’d be writing for Carti or DigDat by now. Everything was going fucking awesome until I broke my fucking wrist while writing some fucking words on paper. Fuckin' bullshit.”

A picture of a particularly angry Darnell with a cast around his wrist posed with a suspiciously joyous Pico is shown.

~~~

“I’ve been on a bit of a roller coaster of emotions today,”  Nova tells the camera. “But hearing about Jasmine’s personal issues really put things into perspective, and I realized… I gotta patch things up with Darnell.”

~~~

Darnell sat on Jayden’s couch watching TV as Nova approached and sat down beside him. Jayden and Pico watched from the doorway, simply being nosey.

“Yo…” Nova began. 

“What’s up?” Darnell asked.

Nova sighed louder than necessary. “I just wanted to apologize for saying that you were a shitty washed-up rapper who peaked in high school.” He offers a smile.

Darnell nods. “Thank you, man. And I want to say sorry for saying that Jasmine was sucking DJ cocks in Mexico while dating a jobless loser.”

Nova smirks, and the two dap each other up with genuine respect.

Jayden and Pico exchange confused glances. “So… are you guys cool?” Pico asks.

“No more beef,” Nova tells him, wrapping an arm around Darnell.

“Awesome!” Jayden reaches out to dap up Nova, and then Darnell, who he faked out. He and Pico take a seat next to Nova and Darnell.

“Did you hear it was Nene who was fucking DJ’s left and right after all?” Pico asks Darnell. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” Darnell grumbles.

“Oh also, I’m gonna start applying for jobs,” Nova tells them. 

“Oh dude, I’m sorry to hear that,” Jayden sighs.

”My condolences,” Darnell adds.

”No, this is a good thing.”

”Oh, I’m proud of you!” Jayden switches up.

Jayden’s phone suddenly begins to  mysteriously ring. He pulls it out and answers the call. “Yo, Sunday, what’s up?” Pico looks over, clearly interested in this conversation.

“Hey, my roommate, Carol, and her bestie are down to go to the kickback, and she’s also pretty hot.” Sunday tells them over the phone. Pico scoffs. “Make sure no government officials are listening, by the way. I should’ve started with that…”

Darnell and Jayden dap each other up. “That’s what I’m talking about! Finally some bitches!” Jayden yells. “Uh, I mean- lovely ladies.” 

”There’s just one problem…” Sunday continues dramatically. “Carol wants to bring her boyfriend…”

The boys look around uncomfortably, unsure of what to do next…

~~~

Next time, on 'Real Bros of Funk Valley'…

The kickback is at risk..

”I’m actually highkey stressing about this random coming to the kickback,” Darnell tells Pico as they shop for cups. Darnell fiddled with a lighter as they did so.

”You better not fucking burn down my car.”

Pico continues to struggle with his personal feelings…

”I’m pretty sure I don’t have feelings for Sunday.” Pico was not sure. “Get this stupid camera away from me.”

Jayden grows hostile…

”Hold me back,” Jayden tells Nova as he continues sitting down. “Bro, hold me back!” Nova tried holding him back, also Jayden wasn’t even trying to move.

*End Scene*

Chapter Text

Jayden sat at the counter yet again. This time, he sat on the computer browsing through instagram. 

“Bit slow, today…” He tells the camera with a chuckle. “I’m just here fucking around, basically. And yet, that’s still a paycheck for me.” He yawns.

He comes across a random account as he mindlessly scrolls. It immediately catches his attention.

The account showed multiple young adults receiving awards, playing at concerts, sitting in interviews, etc. The name of the account was 'Funk Valley Music Academy.'

“We have a music school here…?” Jayden mumbles. He looks through the account’s most recent posts.

In one of the photos, Jayden notices the Auburn-haired girl from the other day posed with a microphone. He glances to the camera with a blush.

“It’s that girl…” Jayden whispers to himself as he continues scrolling through the page. He huffs quietly as he scrolls back to the top. “The one who’s number I didn’t even get…”

The pinned post at the top of the page catches his eye. He clicks the photo to expand it. It was a purple graphic with white text, and a link in the caption.

'Admissions Open.'

He glances at the camera once again, clicking on the link provided in the caption. A familiar purple demon with an unmistakable scowl appears on the screen. Text appears next to the man as Jayden scoffs.

'Meet the Dean.' 

”Dominic Dearest is the dean of a college, too?” He asks. “I thought he just owned a record label. Sounds like a hell of a workload.”

He looks through the colleges website. “Damn, it looks nice…” He mumbles. He notices all the classes. Music production, commercial music, music business, and different classes for different genres. “This could be what I’ve been looking for…”

“But I’m not gonna apply, because that’s fucking stupid,” Jayden laughs. He follows the account on instagram.

~~~

*Cue intro*

~~~

Saturday, 2:03 P.M.

Pico and Darnell can be seen driving around the city. Dashcam footage shows them conversing about the event later that day.

”I’m actually highkey stressing about these randoms coming to the kickback,” Darnell tells Pico from the passenger’s seat. He pulls out a lighter and starts messing with it. He holds it up to the dashboard as a joke.

“You better not burn down my fucking car,” Pico said. “What random are you talking about? Sunday’s roommate?”

“Her boyfriend, dumbass,” Darnell scoffs. “Like, who the fuck is he? Do either of us know him? No! He’s probably not even from the damn valley.” He huffs.

~~~

“Jayden told me and Darnell to shop for supplies,” Pico tells the camera. “Well, when I say supplies, I mean cups and a keg. And probably weed. That sounds like a good time, if you ask me.”

“But Darnell’s acting a little too crazy about this guy that Sunday’s friend is bringing. Stressing me out for no damn reason…” He grumbles.

~~~

“I dunno,” Darnell sighs. “I hope he tries some shit, I can kick his ass.” The car slows down as they approach a red light.

“All I need to do is bring up your job, and you’ll fold like a omelette.” Pico looks out on the sidewalk as he sees a familiar robotic face happily walking down the street with a basketball.

”Yo, is that Hex?” He asks as he rolls down Darnell’s window. 

“Ay, Hex!” Darnell calls out. Hex turns around with a bright smile. “What are you doing, man?”

”Hey, guys!” Hex waves happily. “I was just on my way to play some basketball, but I’m down to hang out! And I found a bag of lettuce on my way over here! Lucky, right?” He cheerily holds up a bag of cannabis.

”Hex, I hate to break it to you, but that’s not lettuce,” Darnell tells him.

”Yes it is,” Pico snickers. “Devil’s Lettuce”.

Hex gasps. “Oh… well, I know you to like to smoke, so do you want this…?” He holds the bag away from his body towards Pico’s car.

”Well, I would like to, but Darnell here doesn’t even burn, so…” Pico tells him.

”Shut the fuck up, yes I do!” Darnell hisses, slightly hitting Pico on the shoulder. “Hex, I do burn!”

“It’s okay, I don’t burn, either!” Hex tells him happily. 

“Don’t touch me,” Pico scoffs. “I keep telling him that it’s alright and that I’ll accept him for who he is.” He tells Hex.

“But I do fucking burn, so…” Darnell awkwardly laughs.

”No he doesn’t!” Pico adds.

“I’m getting mixed signals, and getting kinda confused…” Hex’s monitor displays a nervous smile.

”I do burn, it’s 100% confirmed!” Darnell tells him. Pico shows a thumbs-down to Hex. “Don’t listen to Pico. Oh shit, wait… this reminds me of something important!” Darnell pulls out his phone.

~~~

Jayden and Darnell’s texts:

Darnell: i lowkey forgot about the table
for beer pong

Jayden: why are you telling me this, chud?

Darnell: fuck you, go get it

Jayden: tell nova, he’s not doing nothing

~~~

Jayden’s Parent’s house, 2 hours until kickback

Nova enters Jayden’s living room with drinks while Oliver watches TV. He looks around, confused.

”Hey, Nova.” Oliver waves slightly.

”Hey, do you know where everyone is at?”Nova asks.

Oliver sighs. “I don’t know what you just said to me.”

Nova groans quietly, forgetting that not everyone in the valley knows sign language. He quickly pulls out his phone. 

Oliver’s phone buzzes, and he pulls it out. It was a text from Nova that read 'Where is everyone? their supposed to be helping me set up for the party.'

Oliver raised an eyebrow. “First of all, that’s not the correct 'they’re'.” Nova ignored that part. “Second off, Jayden’s probably out doing something stupid.”

Nova sighs as his own phone buzzes in his hands. He sees that Jayden had texted him.

~~~

Jayden: get darnell’s table for beer pong

Nova: i literally just got to your hosue

Jayden: well too bad so sad, me pico and chudnell are all busy

Nova: wth could you possibly be doin

Jayden: trying to get beer, stupid

~~~

The alleyway beside Shell Gas station, 2:23 P.M

Jayden cautiously walked through the alley, approaching a man at the end. He had heard rumors that this particular guy named 'Garcello' would get you a fake ID for a small fee. Since Jayden was not 21, he could not legally buy alcohol.

And here he was, walking up to this random smoker in an alleyway.

He approaches Garcello, who had teal hair, a brown hat covering his eyes, a gray jacket and a white shirt underneath. He looks up with a smirk.

”Are you Garcello?” Jayden asks, slightly scared. 

“Sure am,” Garcello replies.

”Oh, cool.” Garcello raises an eyebrow as Jayden continues. “I’m Jayden, by the way.”

”Need something?” He asks, taking the cigarette out of his mouth.

”Uhhhh… a fake ID?” Jayden requests.

“I don’t do that,” Garcello replies, looking away.

Jayden slyly smiles. “Is this a trick to test me?” He asks.

“No, I really don’t sell fake ID’s.” 

“Oh. Then how the hell am I supposed to get beer?” Jayden whines.

”Well, how old are you?” Garcello asks, leaning against the wall behind him.

”Twenty.”

”Right. At that point, just tell the cashier you’re twenty-one,” Garcello tells him. “They probably can’t tell the difference.”

Jayden glances to the camera with a worried look. “But that’s… lying,” He says sheepishly.

“And using a fake ID isn’t?”

Jayden nods slowly. “Wait… you’re lowkey right…!”

”Mhm,” Garcello nods along with him, putting the cigarette back in its rightful spot.

“Thank you so much!” Jayden shouts.

“No problem,” Garcello chuckles. “That’ll be $30-“ 

Jayden had already started running away from the shady alley by the time Garcello had finished talking.

~~~

Wii Fit Gym, 2:25 P.M

Nova entered the gym with the annoyed sigh of an errand boy. He approached the counter with his phone.

”How may I help you-?” Asked the receptionist, before Nova shoved his phone to her face, showing him the keypad for his contacts. The receptionist, confused, put his phone number into it. Nova took back his phone and began typing away. Seconds later, the receptionist’s phone buzzed.

Nova: is your manager here? The owner of the gym btw

The receptionist looks up, still confused. “Um… I’ll go get him for you,” He tells Nova. He quickly gets up and goes to the back room.

A few moments later, a tall, buff, bald black man with a goatee and an orange compression shirt goes up to the counter and looks down at Nova, crossing his arms. Nova looks up, unfazed. “Can I help you?” He asks, his voice booming and deep. 

Nova quickly types something out on his phone, and the man’s phone buzzes. He reached into his pocket to see he had revived a text from 'Darnell’s quiet friend' that read 'im darnell’s quiet friend.'

”You’re friends with my son?” The man asks. Nova nods, and types out another text.

'im here for a folding table please 🥺. I’m nova btw.'

The man snickers slightly. “Call me Matt.” He sticks out his hand, and Nova shakes it with the tightest grip he can manage. His hand is still crushed by Matt.

~~~

Inside Shell Gas Station

”I’d like to buy these lovely beers, please.” Jayden put three 12 packs onto the counter with a grunt. The cashier raised an eyebrow. 

“You’re 21?” They asked, reaching for the first case.

Jayden thought for a moment before nodding. “Yup. 21 years of age. Legal drinking age.” 

The cashier scoffed. “Alright.” 

~~~

Jayden is seen struggling to put them in his truck. “What can I say? I’m a master of deception.” He nearly drops a case.

“Hopefully everyone else is set up by now,” He finished loading up the beer. “Should be a fun time, except we have some random dude coming to my house. Stealing all the women in my life. I should write a diss track about him.” He rolled his eyes.

Garcello could be seen approaching from the alley. “How’d it go?” He asked with a smirk. 

“Surprisingly, lying works,” Jayden tells him, packing the last pack of beer into his truck. “But now I feel bad.”

”I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Garcello tells him. “What’s the occasion, anyway?”

”Throwing a kickback,” Jayden tells him. He side-eyes Garcello as tense music begins playing. “No randoms allowed. Even if you did help me. Thanks, by the way.”

Garcello held up his hands with a laugh. “Relax, I didn’t want to go anyway. Enjoy your beer.”

”Oh. See you,” Jayden pouted.

~~~

"Awful Attitude” group chat

Jayden: beer acquired 🥱

Pico: Whoop de doo

Jayden: fuck you

Darnell: lmao

Nova: Darnell, ur dad is getting it

Darnell: what

~~~

“I’ll tell you what…” Matt begins as he and Nova enter the back room, where a boxing ring room up most of the space. Nova notices the foldable table in the corner. “If you can beat me in a boxing match, you can have the table.”

Nova looked confused. “…I just want the table…” 

Matt simply laughs as he reads the text. He grabs two pairs of boxing gloves, and tosses one to Nova. 

Nova sighs, having heard stories of Darnell’s stubborn father. If his assumptions were correct, Matt wouldn’t give in. Nova figured that it would be faster to win against Matt than to convince him to not fight at all. He puts his phone in his pocket and puts on the gloves.

”That’s what I’m talking about!” Matt laughs as they both step into the ring. “Three rounds?” Nova nods.

”Ready… go!”

Nova goes for a right hook, and Matt counters, knocking him out instantly.

~~~

Matt Banks, Darnell’s Father

”If I had known that Darnell’s friends weren’t as athletic as they seemed…” Matt says to the camera. Nova’s unconscious body can be seen in the background. “Never mind. I would do it all over again.”

”As for my son…” He scratches his goatee. “I see potential for a career out of rapping. But at some point, gotta settle for your dad’s gym. Right? Instead, he insists at working as the mascot for Chuck E. Cheese…”

~~~

Nova’s eyes open slowly, the lights above blinding him. Matt’s face comes into view with a smirk. He reached out a hand to help the boy up. 

“Sorry,” Matt tells him. Nova scoffs as he takes off the gloves, and tosses them aside. “I guess in return for letting me fight you, you can have the table. It’s like we didn’t even need to fight at all, eh?” Matt laughs, but Nova is not amused. 

Matt and Nova grab the table, and bring it to his car. “Has Darnell said anything about retiring the 'rap' thing and coming to work for me?” Nova thinks for a moment before shaking his head. Matt sighs. “I understand. Well, if you happen to want a job, I’m currently hiring.” 

Nova scoffed quietly as Matt shook his hand, and went back inside. He side-eyed the camera as he reads a 'Now Hiring' sign while driving away.

~~~

Pico, Darnell, and Hex sit in Pico’s car as he rolls a blunt. 

“So, how’s Nova? I heard he and Jasmine almost had a fight,” Hex asks worriedly. 

“Turns out she just was having problems with her sister in Mexico,” Darnell tells him. “And stomach problems with Taco Bell.”

“Scary…” Hex gasps.

Pico’s phone begins to ring. He pulls it out to see that Jayden was calling. He scoffs as he answers. “What’s up? And make it fast, I’m super busy right now.”

”Just calling to say that I’m better than you. I got a bunch of beer for us!” Jayden brags over the phone.

“We saw the text,” Pico said, rolling his eyes.

”But… Jayden isn’t twenty-one!” Hex tells them, appalled.

”Hex? Is that you?” 

”Hi, Jayden!” Hex tells, immediately forgetting of the ethical dilemma.

”You lied about your age or what?” Darnell asks.

”Duh, I’m a bad boy, remember?” Darnell and Pico glance at each other. “Anyway, how about you guys? Did you get the supplies?” 

Pico and Darnell looked at each other with wide eyes. “Fuck…!”

Jayden groaned over the idea phone.“Dude, this isn’t good…”

”Are the stores even still open?” Darnell asked rhetorically, holding his hands to his face.”

”Where the fuck are we going to get cups at this hour?” Pico snaps. 

~~~

Jayden’s Parent’s House, 4:56 P.M

The group is shown in Jayden’s backyard with red solo cups, the foldable table, and beer pong, along with music playing on a speaker, and chairs set out.

“Me and Pico highkey stressing about the stores being closed,” Darnell tells the camera as he tosses a ping pong ball into a cup. “But in hindsight, it was 2:30 on a Saturday, so I must’ve just been super high like usual.” He tossed another ball, and it missed. He scoffed, walking to sit with his friends on the couch.

Sunday approaches the boys as they relaxed. “My roommate is on her way,” She tells them. “And her best friend. And my roommate’s boyfriend. They’re all cappies, so they’ll fit right in with you guys.” 

“Lovely! We’ll be happy to meet them!” Hex told them.

”Who’s we?” Darnell laughed. Nova takes his thumb out of his mouth and dapped him up.

“Why was your hand wet?” Darnell’s asks, disgusted. Nova simply shrugs.

“Remember!” Sunday interjected. “If they happen to bring up the economy, call me over. I’ll be happy to educate them. They always try to avoid it.”

”We will not be doing that,” Pico tells them jokingly. Sunday glares at him while she walks away. Jasmine quickly approaches in her place.

“Can I borrow my papi?” She asks, reaching a hand towards Nova. He giggles quietly before clearing his throat, and going to dance with his girlfriend.

“This is bullshit,” Jayden mumbles to himself.

”What is?” Pico asks him as he takes a drink.

“Your lack of bitches?” Darnell asks with a smirk.

Hex holds up his hands with a nervous smile. “Let’s keep things light…”

”Hey, didn’t Nene fuck some DJs?” Jayden asks. Pico nearly spits out his drink.

”She did?” Hex seemed appalled. “I didn’t hear of this…” A nervous smile appeared on his monitor.

Darnell sits back in his chair. “…just one.” He watches as Nene loses a game of cup pong and tries stabbing Nova. Jasmine and Sunday try to hold her back. “Sorry you had to hear that, Hex.”

Just then, three new guests walked into Jayden’s backyard. 

One dark skinned girl was dressed in dark gray T-shirt over lighter gray long-sleeves with jean shorts. She waved to Sunday, she promptly ran up to them.

The second to enter was a tall humanoid bomb dressed in a dark turquoise sweater with brown trousers, holding the first girl’s hand. He looked around like he didn’t want to be there. 

The last to enter was none other than the Auburn-haired girl in the red dress that Jayden had met the other day. He quickly sat up. 

“Who the fuck is this guy?” Pico grumbled, taking yet another sip. “This beer is ass, by the way.”

“Shut up, I’m having a dramatic moment right now,” Jayden told Pico.

“Oh, I know him!” Hex shouted. “He’s one of my best friends!”

”Bros… I met that girl in the red…” Jayden told them. “We were totally flirting!”

“Wowie!” Hex clapped with his metal hands.

Pico and Darnell looked at each other and laughed. “You were NOT flirting with her,” Darnell said, wiping a tear from his eye.

”No, I did!” Jayden rebutted. “She came into the music shop and we flirted for like 2 minutes!”

“Alright then, go introduce yourself,” Pico challenged. “Or RE-introduce yourself, since you say you’ve already met.” 

”Bet, then!” Jayden stood up and walked over to the three new arrivals. The girl gasped.

”You’re from-!” She blanked.

”The music store,” Jayden continued for her with a laugh. “I’m Jayden, by the way!”

”Marisol!” The girl answered with a cheery smile. 

“So you two have been acquainted already, eh?” Sunday shakes her head. “In that case, here’s Carol, my roommate.” Behind Jayden, the rest of the group walked up. 

”Hi, everyone!” Carol greeted with a wave. “I’m Sunday’s responsible roommate!”

“Not true!” Sunday scoffs.

Carol nudged the humanoid bomb’s side. “Introduce yourself.” 

“Whitmore,” The man says quietly. “Whitty, whatever.” He kept his hands in his pockets and his shoulders were tense.

”Hi, Whitty!” Hex waves his metallic hand in a giddy manner, Whitty can’t help but laugh, lightening up a bit.

”You know Hex?” Pico asks. “So you’re not a compete rando?”

”Well, I also know Sunday…” Whitty notices that Darnell is eyeballing his face, or rather, his head. “So no, not completely random.”

”Hex, is this guy cool?” Darnell asks. Hex nods quickly.

”Super cool!”

~~~

Jayden and Nova sat on the couch in front of the fence as Carol, Whitty, Sunday, and Pico played beer pong in front of them.

”I’m still not sure about this ‘Whitty' guy…” Jayden grumbled.

”Have you talked to him?” Nova asks. “Or were you distracted?” Nova nudged Jayden with his elbow.

“I don’t like the way his pants look…” Jayden huffs. “Hold me back.” Nova looks confused. “Bro, hold me back.” Nova puts his hands around Jayden’s shoulder to hold him back, but he wasn’t even moving.

“Alright, that’s enough of that,” Jayden sighs. “I’m gonna go talk to Marisol and get her number.” He and Nova stood up and went their separate ways in his backyard.

~~~

Pico and Whitty stood on one end of the Beer Pong table as Sunday and Carol stood on the opposite end.

”Sunday tells me a lot about you,” Whitty tells him as Pico tosses a ping pong ball into the cup with perfect accuracy. He looks over for a moment, his eyes lighting up before he regains nonchalance. “Well, when she’s not sleeping, that is. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!” Whitty had just missed a ping pong ball.

”Calm down, babe!” Carol says to Whitty from the other side of the table.

”All this anger and you don’t want to raid any government buildings?” Sunday shakes her head.

”Sorry. This game just pisses me off sometimes,” Whitty rubs the back of his neck. 

“I can cut your fuse off, if you like!” Nene offers from the bar area. She had clearly been drinking a little bit.

“More importantly, what does Sunday say about me?” Pico asks quietly. 

Whitty chuckles, not answering the question. He misses another ping pong ball. “WHAT THE F-“ He catches Carol’s pleading eyes just as his fuse begins smoking. He exhales deeply, and the fuse goes out.

“Calm down, man!” Darnell laughs from behind Pico and Whitty. “It’s just a game!” The smell of smoke catches their noses, and they turn around to see Darnell holding a light to Whitty’s fuse. 

”What the fuck are you doing?!” Whitty yells, pushing Darnell away.

”Just… nothing, idiot…” Darnell grumbles, putting the lighter away in his pocket. “Ruining my fucking fun… can’t a guy just see a badass explosion?”

~~~

“So, how’s singing been?” Jayden asks Marisol as they hold unopened beers in their hands. 

“Since I bought the microphone a few days ago?” She asks, twirling her hair. “It’s been good, my dad has really been pressuring me to get into his record label and school, both are some of the best in the country, so can I really complain?”

“Record label AND a school? Is your dad…?” Jayden begins. He takes a chance and cracks open the can of beer.

”Dominic Dearest, yeah,” Marisol laughs softly. “How’d you know?”

“Like he isn’t one of the most famous musicians in the state?” The two share a chuckle. Marisol opens her beer, as well. “He came into the music store the day after you, actually…”

Marisol sighs. “Let me guess, he gave you a hard time?” She offers a reassuring smile. 

“Felt more like a damn audition…” He admits. “He made me sing the scales and freestyle. He was judging pretty hard.

Marisol sighed once again, this time slightly laughing. “And he walks out in the middle of your freestyle, as well?” Jayden nods. “That means he thinks there’s some potential there.”

”Really?” Jayden asked. “Seemed like he didn’t want anything to do with me…” The two took sips of the beer and the same time, and spit them out in a nearby potted plant.

~~~

“Name’s Darnell,” says Darnell as he slides up next to Carol on the couch. She puts on a fake smile out of pity. “Rapper. Single. Fire enthusiast.”

”Carol. Taken. And try 'pyromaniac,' maybe?” She tells him. 

Nene slides up beside Darnell, who gasps. She holds a knife to the back of his neck. “Hey, Darnie!” She smiles brightly. “What are you up to?” 

“Just… getting to know our guests, y'know?” A bead of sweat forms on his forehead. 

“That’s cute! Why don’t I go get her boyfriend and you can meet him, too?” She slides the hilt of the knife across his neck. 

Darnell huffs loudly as he and Nene stand up.

”Really? You’re gonna try flirting with my girlfriend?” Whitty asks from the cup pong table. “I’m right here.”

”You’ll be fine,” Darnell grumbles.

~~~

Jasmine and Nova sat in the corner, beside the speaker. 

“I told you about my sister, Carlita, right?” Jasmine asked, playing with Nova’s hair. He checked to make sure none of the other guys were watching.

“Once or twice,” He signs.

”I think she’s considering moving to the Valley…” She tells him with a sigh.

”Oh, that’s a bet! I can finally meet her!”Nova pumps his fist.

“That means she’d be living with us, because she’s having trouble finding a place in the city.” Nova looks confused. “That, or she’s fucking lazy.”

”Oh.”

Nova scratches the back of his neck. “Can she still be talked out of it…?”

~~~

Nova sighs to the camera. “I’ve heard a lot of mixed things about Carlita. I’d be excited to meet her. Mostly.” He stops to think for a moment. “I don’t think she likes me.”

“That’s all the more reason I don’t want her to live with me and Jasmine,” Nova slightly laughs. “It’s cramped enough as it is. Mostly because of Jasmine’s wardrobe taking up most of her room. Carlita would probably be sleeping on the floor.”

~~~

A car engine could be heard in the distance. “Wait…” Darnell held his hands out, everyone going quiet. He quickly reached to turn down the music. “I hear… a Lamborghini…”

”How did you even hear that?” Pico asks

“Don’t question the ways of the black man,” Darnell wags his finger at him.

A Lamborghini can be seen pulling outside of the backyard. The window rolls down to reveal Dominic Dearest with the normal scowl on his face.

“Mari, we’re leaving.” He looks out at the kickback with a scoff. “What is this, anyway?”

“But daddy-!” Marisol is interrupted.

”No argument. I have work that I need to be doing, and you want to be here, hanging out with… these guys.” He motions to the bros like they were garbage. “Hello, Carol and Whitty.” The couple wave awkwardly, with Whitty looking away angrily.

Marisol gives an apologetic look to Jayden as he walks her to the car. “Sorry…” She whispers.

”It’s fine,” Jayden laughs nervously. “But before you go, uh… would you be down to maybe… hang out sometime? Or maybe I can get your number?”

Marisol grimaced. “…I have a boyfriend.”

”Oh.”

Dominic Dearest honks loudly. “Can we stop fucking around and go already?” He asks. Marisol quickly opens the door to get in the passenger seat. Dominic keeps the window rolled down.

”Don’t try to flirt with my daughter again,” Dominic tells him sternly. Marisol sinks in her seat. “But since I’m in a good mood, I will say this: consider applying.”

With that, Dominic Dearest drives off.

”You know Dominic Dearest?” Pico asks Whitty and Carol as they get ready to head out.

”We’re both attending Funk Music Academy,” Carol explains.

”And, y'know…” Whitty begins. “Dominic is the dean.” He smells smoke once again. He turns around to catch Darnell red handed. “Will you fucking quit it?!”

”Pfft. Just fucking around, man,” Darnell ragebaits, putting his lighter away. 

“Well, I guess we’ll be heading out for now. It was fun! Super lowkey!” Carol told Jayden.

He was admittedly a bit distracted. “Yeah… the beer sucked, though.”

”Lightweight,” Pico remarked. 

“I’ve drank enough, who wants to rob a credit union?” Sunday asks, clearly a bit drunk. She falls into Whitty. “I could use your head.”

“Get off.” He moves her in the direction of Pico. She falls into his chest.

“Oh, hey,” Sunday mumbled with a light smile. “Help me rob a credit union.”

“Are you a lightweight, too?” Pico asks with a scoff.

“What a cute moment!” Jasmine giggles. Sunday clears their throat, and quickly stands up on her own. 

“Well, see you guys later!” Carol waves to the group.

With that, Carol and Whitty get in his car, and drive off.

~~~

”I think that all things considered, the kickback went well,” Pico tells the camera as he picked up trash. He, Nova, Darnell, and Jayden stayed at the house to cleanup, as ordered by Oliver.

“Speak for yourself…” Jayden grumbled as he tossed beer cans to into a trash can. 

“At least you weren’t flirting with taken girls like Darnell was,” Nova told him, trying to help.

“Yes he did,” Pico replies.

”First of all, I wasn’t flirting, I was introducing myself,” Darnell interjected. “Second of all, Marisol literally has a man.”

”Oh.”

”Meanwhile, Pico was over here fumbling the bag left and right,” Darnell snickers.

”I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Pico grumbled. “There’s no bag to fumble.”

“Come on, we all know you have a thing for Sunday,” Jayden added with a smirk.

”I’m pretty sure I don’t have feelings for Sunday.” Pico did not sound sure. The camera walks up to him, getting uncomfortably close. “Get this stupid camera away from me.”

~~~

Jayden sat alone in his bedroom, staring at his phone screen. The camera pans over to show that his phone was off.

”Pico says that the kickback was a big hit,” He mindlessly tells the camera. “Sure, I had a bit of a fumble. But I think that Pico was right. The kickback was fun. I bought beer for the first time. I tried asking out Marisol, and it didn’t work out. But, y'know what? I’m not upset.” Boyfriend side-eyes the camera.

“…a little upset.” He sets his phone down in his lap. “I did end up having a good time with my bros, and that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it?”

“They have my back, and I have their’s. Sure, we have some issues. But at the end of the day, we’re bros. Real bros. Real bros of Funk Valley.”

*End Scene*