Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Maybe you could fight the Mark for years. Maybe centuries, like Cain did. But you cannot fight it forever. And when you turn, and you will turn. Sam, and everyone you love will be long dead, except for me!” The Mark started throbbing, kill, kill, kill, kill! But a different kind of hunger had taken over, after waking up as a demon and knowing the reality of his feelings. Being a demon really helped Deans clarity. The crisp and clean, core emotions underneath the “fuck if I care, I don’t have feelings!” There was a clear difference between Sam and Cas. One he never noticed when he had only his complex humanity to fall back on. He had always had the strongest urge to protect Sam, a brotherly love, shield and defend. It hadn’t been all that surprising and keeping the Mark at bay on in some semblance had been kill, kill, shield, defend, kill, defend! Kill, kill, kill! Shield, protect and defend!” Cas had been different, it had been such an urge, the kind that even the demon couldn’t keep at bay. Protect, posses, own, MINE! Dean had never felt that way on everyone and being human again, he didn’t know what to with it. But to keep the Mark at bay, he couldn’t do anything then repeat it on loop. Kill, kill, mine, mine, mine, he’s MINE! 

Before Cas could finish his speech, Dean was gonna start a whole other conversation. He had Cas where he wanted, back against the wall, forearms had his head boxed in. Leaning in close, looking at his sky-blue eyes, who were wide and uncertain. “If you were the only one there, if I’d murdered the whole world, everything except you. What would you do Cas?” Dean couldn’t help it, he started growling, he had to nose that beautiful, tanned neck. It was as is if his mark could be replaced with the truth. There was no serenade to kill, but the Mark sang so beautifully to him right now. It was as if Cas heard it too, because it strengthened his resolve. 

“Are you asking me how low I’ll go to follow you Dean? Because I think my actions speak louder than any words I could come up with. I’ve been to hell twice for you, once to save you, once to make you happy and your brother safe. I’ve been to purgatory I gave up an army for you. I rebelled for you, Dean. Ask me again. Ooh.” Cas ended with a gasp, Dean couldn’t take it anymore, he bit in the space between his jaw and throat. Growling softly. Mine, mine, mine possess, mine! Dean had pulled him roughly in a kiss and Cas? Sweet bliss Cas opened up to him beautifully. “Even if I want this,” he asked gruffly and Cas nodded vigorously, “even if I will take you as mine, as you will spend millennia after millennia, with only me to touch. Never without a love bite from my mouth, ready to be fucked and sucked and loved up at any point in time. Forever, because I will never, ever get enough of you Cas. Nobody will even be allowed to look at you if you say yes, please, please angel tell me yes. I’ll take us away and we will never ever need anything else, Castiel please!” The angel shivered against his body and if he wasn’t plastered against him, he wouldn’t have heard the quiet whine under his breath. “Yes, take us away. Dean, Dean, my Dean, my dragon, my love, please!” Too many clothes, they were too many clothes, and he didn’t have enough mouths or hands.

“Would you love me if I was a demon?” Asked Dean, as he started licking his way, from his jaw to his collarbone. “Yes!” Cas panted in his hair, leaving his hands all over his body, trying to map every last patch of fabric and skin. “Would you love me if I had killed you!” Hands started gripping his flannel, trying to hold on. “Yes always, Dean! A-ahh.” That stilled him, Castiel was sincere he knew that, it left them panting, Deans head on his chest, Cas’ hands gripping his hair. Son of a bitch, had he always been a monster, or was Cas just completely addicted. Was everyone right, had Dean ruined this beautiful creature, before he even owned it? “Dean?” The sound utterly crushed him, small and afraid. “Please, please, I’m sorry.” Dean arched his back, dug his hands in his angel’s curls and tried to completely surround him. “I got ya now, sunshine. I love you, come lay down for me baby, I’ll take care of you.”

And when he lay him down carefully on the map-table, Dean found his sole piece of paradise, his bliss.

The mark sung beautifully, thrumming with their heartbeats, intertwining with his angel’s grace and breaking the strongest lock in the multiverse neatly in half.

Chapter Text

Amara came to this world just like she did last time, kicking and screaming so loud that her lungs hurt, surrounded by black and silence. Only millennia later, after she got comfortable floating in the inky darkness would she be blinded by the birth of her baby brother.

This time though, light flashed around her, hands are holding her, carrying her putting her on the warmth of a human body and it shouldn’t be possible. But the soft giggling, hands caressing, telling her it’s okay,

“mama’s right here.”

She got spit out of her prison and sucked the life of a new soul right out of a dying body. Heaving a deep quivering breath, clamping her tiny fists over her eyes.

She’s human now, only a sliver of who she used to be slipping from her grasp. One of her little rebels, the angels she converted. One of them set her free, she can feel that it was their power that broke the unbreakable lock and cast her out.

She smiles when she recognises exactly who got her out and gave her this new chance.

Cassiel.

One of the strongest fighters in her rebellion to overthrow her brother. He believed, just as she did, that living being should have the freedom to decide their own fate. If they follow the scriptures, like little marionettes in his father’s puppet display, they’d never truly reach their impressive ambitions.

After Eve stole that apple with the help of Samael, they could go even farther than her brother realised and stifling that gift, even if it was stolen, was a crime in itself.

She didn’t think his powers or memories got unlocked with her freedom though, she didn’t think that there was anything left of his impressive stature and powers, when his status as archangel was ripped away.

Demotion sounded way too neutral to explain the violent and brutal butchering they did to make him and other generals like him cherub.

A new thought made her even more aware of the situation she was in. If she holds on to this sliver of power and knowledge. He’ll try to find her, and she doesn’t think he’s any less cruel than when he dropped her in that dark, cold prison. A mockery of how she used to live. With everything they created together, all those multiverses being back in that silence, was one of her worst fears come true. She wept there for millennia, for herself, for her little rebels. For Cassiel being ripped apart and Samael forced to take on the mark of all things evil. Gabriel being forced to clip his wings and thrown onto earth when he refused to give any of his brothers and sisters the same treatment his little brother had. Giving the throne and the job Michael. She still felt ill at how gleeful and smug the little snake had looked.

Her brother will find her and it’ll lead him straight to the one who freed her. Both getting a punishment that could break them even further than they already were. She doesn’t stand a chance this time, she hardly stood any chance when she had allies in her corner.

No, Cassiel had given her a new chance and if giving her past up to live long enough to see that chance in fruition, she’s going to take it.

She’ll be free.

Maybe the little hatchling will give him the chance to get free too.

Castiel sits in the driver seat of his Lincoln, hands lightly resting on the wheel, feeling so many emotions at once, he has a hard time figuring how to cope, so he looks out the window in slight daze. He’s been betrayed, and had done so to others. He’s been abandoned and left others to their fate and misery.

But this.

He’s never felt so utterly shattered. Not when his brothers and sisters turned their backs on him or humanity, not when standing in that ring of fire trying to stop the second coming of the apocalypse, pleading at them to trust his ill advised, awful plan. Not when he was hunted and still kicked out, when he turned freshly human. Not even, when Lucifer betrayed them all, or when their father left, or when his favourite brother, Gabriel left without saying goodbye.

Was there nothing he could do right?

Did he have an essence that one easily cast aside?

Was he just unloveable?

He just didn’t understand this.

Dean wakes up for the first time in a year without any thrumming and singing in his ear, his mind clear from all the clouding everything the mark put on him. Like his father lifting his heavy jacket from Deans sleeping form as he rested in the backseat of the car. Waking up so suddenly because of the biting cold and weight loss he suddenly feels. Blinking his fathers blank stare, as he silently times how long it takes his kids to wake up and gruffly telling Dean his brother would be dead right now if there was a monster at their door.

The sudden shift from a soft, deep sleep, where was safe to the harsh reality that was his life.

It’s what he feels when looks at the sleeping form of his naked friend.

The reality of what they did, what the mark put in his mind.

And Cas loving every minute of it.

Begging him to.

He has to fix this!

Scrambling hurriedly away, Cas moves almost involuntarily after him, his brow furrowing as he clutches on his bicep. “Dean?” There’s a pleading edge to that gruff whiskey filled voice and Dean clenches his fist as he stands, looking for his boxers to find a modicum of privacy. Oh my God.

He can’t do this. He is not this. He knows he’s not this. “This was a mistake, I’m not gay.” He can’t look Castiel in the eye, so he looks at the floor for the rest of his clothes instead. “I’m not a man, Dean, this doesn’t have to-“ Dean scoffs, “-yeah, you’re right, you’re not even human and I did that! How disgusting!” He scrubs his hands over his mouth, when he hears a wet gasp, as if the angel was hit by a bullet. He doesn’t see him flinching back, but Dean knows that he’s hurt him. Not as much as he would if he keeps this perverse disillusion and indulges his friend, but still. Hurt all the same. “I’m so sorry-“ the angel chokes out, but Dean can’t deal with any of that. “Sorry isn’t gonna cut it!”

God fucking dammit!

This isn’t happening.

He’s not that.

He worked hard to be anything but that.

“Let’s just forget this ever happened, okay? I don’t even wanna think about this ever happening again.” He shudders and shakes his head. “And if you so much as think about touching me, looking at me in that way I’ll put on angel blade in your heart so fucking fast!” Putting his shirt on hurriedly, and stalking to the kitchen, “I’m making grub, put your fucking clothes back on and don’t make a big deal out of it, okay?” He’s making it clear in his voice that it’s not a request to be answered, but a demand to be followed.

They can make it work as friends if he’s not making it a big deal.

This is not a big deal.

Dean is a little bit disappointed but not all that surprised to see the angel gone when he goes looking after.

Castiel is just gonna have to deal with his issues on his own. He’s never, ever acknowledging it again.

Lapse in judgement, nothing more.

Castiel wraps a hand round his stomach, letting his grace hum and sing, reaching out for something. He’s just making sure it’s true what he felt. When a little tendril of foreign grace hums back, a little flutter of acknowledgement, he knows this is for real.

A soft gasp turns into an ugly sob, ripping out of throat.

This is real.

Dean hates him,

Finds him disgusting.

And he’s carrying their child.

Chapter Text

Sitting in a little diner after a full day and night of driving Cas finds himself in Columbus, Montana, sugary black coffee in front of him. Some part of him wanted to fly to the farthest corner of world and never look back. But Cas knows that getting used to any difference in culture would get him tripped up and there was no time, or Dean now to learn anything about that.
And besides, he does have ties here, no matter how scarce they are, he’s still attached.

It’s why Cas has so much trouble deciding on what to do next, his ties and obligations and why he’s in this specific town, his wings fluffed up and twitching nervously in the veil. That’s another thing, pretty soon, he won’t be able to fly, when angels get pregnant, they molt and use those feathers as part of their nest. So if he leaves right now, there’s very little time to change his mind about it. He’s not going to have a nest, not in heaven or on earth, not with the child half human, or whatever the mark turned Dean into. There’s no way he’ll be safe for a long time once his little one grows enough to be picked up by angel radio, or sniffed out by demons. Father above, he’s not even sure how many humans are gonna want to take a stab at him.

Dean.

He’s not sure if Dean would go through with his threat if he knows they created the little miracle. Especially now he knows what he really thinks of him. Disgusting. He’s not human, so he’s disgusting. Unloveable.

He scrubs harshly at his face and rolls his shoulders. He’s not thinking about it. He can’t think about it. When the little bell signals someone coming in, he stands up quickly and despite everything, he smiles warmly at the little blonde girl stomping towards him. Before she knows it, Cas has her in a tight hug, she stiffens slightly, before melting in the embrace. “It’s good to see you, Claire.” He says in her hair, and she rubs her face minutely in his trench coat, before letting go and giving him a little nod. She’s not smiling, but there’s no animosity in her eyes, only bright and a little curious.

They’ve texted back and forth sometimes, it began incredibly stilted, before Claire made a joke about Deans old man music and Cas, genuinely curious about what her style was. After the damn broke, they spent a lot of time talking about, music, books and movies. Sometimes he’d order her dessert from takeaway if she’d had a hard test that day, and they spent time watching the same movies while on the phone. He got her an ‘ice nine kills’ t-shirt, she got him a paperback copy of the ‘hitchhikers guide to the galaxy’ and when Claire got her first protection tattoo, Castiel made sure he was there to hold her hand.
Even though she objected, not needing a guardian in her mind, but still secretly grateful he was there. That night they went to a ‘a day to remember’ concert and when he dropped her back off to Jodies, he was invited over to eat dinner and properly met the rest of the girls. It was two months ago that she called him up crying about the girl who broke up with her and when Cas asked her if he needs to deliver her a takeaway order of ice cream or if he needs to come down with his angel blade, Claire had hiccup laughed through tears. “This is so not how I envisioned coming out to you.” She had softly said. “Well, I think it would make me a hypocrite, not supporting you in your love, if I’m in love with a man.” It’s the first time he said something like that out loud and ultimately, he thinks that’s why the dam broke and he let himself fall in the hunters arms. Even if he knew it was a bad idea. With the mark and knowing that gender was something way more important between humans, then with angels.

This was going to be a difficult situation, telling her, even with their new, but still strong bond, but she deserves to have a say in what’s gonna happen to her father’s body and Jimmy can’t say anything anymore. Cas starts chewing on his lip, as Claire chatters on about the hunt that brought her here, before she asks the big questions. “Not that I’m not glad to see you, but is there something wrong? You called kinda out of the blue, is it the mark or something?” He smiles lightly and shakes his head, “it’s nothing bad, I promise. There’s just something I have to talk about to you about and it’s not going to be pleasant, so I’d rather do it face to face, instead of over the phone.” Her eyes widen fractionally and her face turns carefully blank, and he aches for her. How many times did she need to hide her emotions in the face of bad news, in her young life? He takes a steadying breath and takes her hand, “it’s nothing too bad, I promise, but I didn’t want to make this decision without your consent, as you’re next of kin.” Claire blinks a little and turns away, pulling her hands out of his grip and looking out the window, heaving a steady breath she tells him softly: “go for it, ask away.”

Claire spent a lot of time talking and processing her emotions about the angel and Jimmy, to Cas. It’s their differences that make it easier to deal with Cas now, she told him. “You’re more of the fun uncle now, instead of my dad, I can hear it in your voice, and the severe look you always spot, y’know my dad was actually really expressive. You smell different too, it’s still a nice smell, but sometimes I catch a whiff of dad’s cologne, or mom’s perfume and it ruins my whole day, but I don’t have that with you luckily. You’re aging too, he didn’t have the crows feet, or the little grey specks in his hair. Sometimes you catch me off guard that you look exactly like him, but your voice is so different that I can pretend…” she trailed of and Cas got it. Sometimes when they’re together she doesn’t look at him at all, sometimes she’s extra clingy, hiding underneath his arm, hiding her face in his trench. She told him that’s the time she can’t stand the look of him, but still knows he cares for her, and she does for him too. That they love each other, with or without all the history attached to them.

She’s doing the same thing now too, he heaves a sigh, looking out the window too. “I’m not sure I ever told you about what I told Jimmy to convince him to give himself to me.” Her breath hitches, and she clenches her hands around the salt shaker, bracing herself against the story, “I never wanted to tell you, because it sounded too much like an excuse and I didn’t want to give you anything like that. I know what I did was horrible, I broke up a family because I honestly thought the big picture was the picture that mattered. That the pain Amelia and you went through was worth the cause.” Cas shakes his head, he doesn’t want dwell on that, she’s the one who lived with that pain, she doesn’t need to be told anything about it. “I told him the earth was ending, he was the best choice to help save it and-“ “was he?” She interrupts him, eyes blazing, mouth in a sneer, looking like she did when they first reconnected. “He was, we stopped the apocalypse. Even more than I first thought. We, as in me and the Winchesters didn’t realise at first the angels wanted the end of the world too and without me and in turn, Jimmy being there, Lucifer would walk free right now.” She chews her lip, slowly letting her coiled muscles loose, taking a deep breath in and nods. “I told you before that he died saving the world. But not how much of a part he had taken in it. Jimmy had the idea to make a Molotovcocktail out of holy water, without him, Dean wouldn’t have had the time break through to Sam. Both me and him died, that day. I got brought back and I was not going to waste the gift he gave me, albeit reluctantly, to change vessel.” He tells her honestly. “He didn’t save the world, for humanity though.” She said, “that’s what we both know happened the night we met. He didn’t want to fight anymore, but he wanted mom and me safe.”

A soft wistful smile covers both their faces and they both got lost in painful, but beautiful memories for a moment. When the waitress came back, refilled Cas’ coffee and took Claire’s order, the tidal wave of difficult emotions calmed down and the curious look on Claire’s face got back. “Why are you telling me this now, if you didn’t want to tell me before? I mean, I get that you didn’t want to excuse what you did, but why now?”

Castiel nervously clears his throat and stares at his coffee, “I wanted to tell you, because I wanted you to know exactly what he agreed to. He’s gone, but in all these years, I’ve never stopped fighting, I mean after the first apocalypse, another angel wanted to start one, after it was Leviathans threatening the earth and then I was running from the angels with the tablet, and it goes on and on, I’ve never taken a break and stopped. Now though, something happened that makes me want to be completely selfish, it’ll stop me from fighting for this world for a long time and it’ll change this body to accommodate in ways that you won’t be able to notice but will be significant. And I don’t want to continue this journey without your permission.” Claire is a deep frown on her face when the waitress comes back with a milkshake, nibbling on the straw she seems to be deep in thought when she says: “what are you asking me specifically?” Cas takes a sip from his coffee, trying to keep his emotions in check. “Is it okay if I keep him as a vessel, because if I would choose another, I would choose one that’ll have no change in their body?” She blinks a couple of times, before a stormy expression changes her youthful features into something ferocious. “You’d take another vessel? Tear another family apart?”

“No!” Cas yells so loud other patrons look over curious. “No,” he says softer, but just as vehemently. “I would never do that to anyone anymore. No, there a vessels out there, people in coma’s, or nearly dying, the people who are alone, in the world. They wouldn’t be right for fighting, your bloodline is perfect and that’s why I can use the full extent of my powers. But I want to go through with this and that decision is the end of my hunting career. It means I can give you him back, and you could have the time to bury him.” He grabs her hand once more and this time, she doesn’t let go. “I would never do something like that again, I thought I was above humanity in that time, the mission was more important than anything else. But that’s gone now, Claire. You know that’s gone, you wouldn’t want to be in contact with who I was. Still trying to find out what’s wrong or right, I would never, I swear.” She squeezes his hand and gives Cas an awkward smile, “I know. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions.” She sighs and starts chewing on her straw again, that thoughtful look back on her face.

“So, something happened, that’ll change my dad’s body in a way that I won’t notice, but is significant. Something that you want to happen, given that you want to stop hunting for it and you want my permission to go through that change, in dad’s body or you’ll do it in someone else’s?” He nods, “that’s the gist of it.” She takes a careful sip and gives him a searching look. “What aren’t you telling me?” Cas crosses his arms, he doesn’t really know if he should tell her or not, the less people know, the less people he’d put in danger. He doesn’t really know how she’d react, it’s so different. She knows Jimmy as a man, assumes Castiel is a man, even though gender is not something angels really adhere to until they are in a vessel.

To be honest, he’s afraid how she’ll react, if it would be too much for her, too alien, too different, too monstrous for her liking. Claire has obviously seen the worst side of the angels, he doesn’t want to lose her too. He sighs heavily, he can’t be selfish like that, she deserves the whole truth if he wants her to make a decision. “I’m pregnant.” He tells her, before he loses his nerve.

Stealing himself, he looks over to her, her eyes are huge like saucers, mouth agape and he’s not sure if he can interpret that as a good or bad reaction, so he starts babbling. “It wasn’t something that’s supposed to happen, it’s like a…” he shakes his head, “one in three billion chance! I mean, when I chose earth, I knew the chance of ever having a child turned to below zero. When an angel gets pregnant, their grace chooses which mate is the most worthy, so most creatures on earth or in hell aren’t strong enough for it to even consider, and there’s no way another angel would look in my direction anymore.” She squeezes his hands again and he looks at back at her. Claire has this contemplative look on her face. “So, what would change, I mean, would you get a vag or something?” She scrunches her face a little at the image, as Cas shakes his head. “No, no, my hips would go wider for the growth, and my stomach will grow, but I’ll have to leave my vessel for the actual birth.” She looks back out the window, clearly deep in thought, when something strikes him again, something he’d not thought about. “DNA wise, it would be like you’d have a little half-brother or sister.” She gasps, turning back to him, blinking rapidly as unshed tears cling to her lashes. “It would be half his?” She says softly, and Cas shrugs, trying not to show how much it would mean to him. “I would give them angelic traits, their father would give them half their DNA and Jimmy would give the other half.”

That’s…” He looks away, scared that she’d finish her sentence: disgusting, vile, how am I not hunting you… “amazing!” He looks up to her in shock. “I mean, Jodie is great and I look at Alex as my reluctant but loving sister, but it’s not the same you know? We share monsters, we share the choice of being a family and I know family doesn’t mean blood but…” Claire looks up to Cas again, quickly backtracking with a light blush on her cheeks. “Of course, I’m not assuming you’d want that kinda relationship for your child and me, I don’t mean to presume anything, It’s just-“ “Claire.” He interrupts her softly, tears threatening to spill over. “It would mean the world to me.”

Chapter Text

“So, who’s the dad?” Claire asks, raising her eyebrows and looking at Castiel intently, like she could pluck all the answers right out of his brain. Thank the Father she doesn’t possess any of those powers. “He’s not in the picture.” He tries diplomatically, but that just makes her look at him harder. They decided to have lunch before she travelled back to Jody’s, chatting lightly about whatever was on their minds until their food arrived and Claire wanted to get back to bussiness.

“Look, I really can’t stress to you how important it is for you to keep this a secret.” Cas tells her after she dropped the questioning stare and attacked her sandwich with vigor. “A nephelim is considered too powerful to keep alive according to angels, they will come in droves to kill my little one, and don’t get me even started on the demons. As soon as word gets out, I’m gonna have to drop everything and run. I don’t even know how the hunters are going to react, its too dangerous for anyone to know. I wasn’t even going to tell you, before I figured that, that’s not fair. It’s maybe my vessel, but it’s not only my body.” Castiel stretches his shoulders to try and remove the tension his wings were determined to let him feel it. Claire rolls her eyes a little at his rant, “I’m not just leaving you to your fate, dude.” But he just vehemently shakes his head, “I need you out there, you’re a really good hunter and I’m going to need someone to listen in, if I’m going to be one step ahead.” She frowns, “Cas-“ she starts, but he easily cuts her off. “-I only trust you in this. The Winchesters- no that’s not fair, -Dean proved to be…” he shakes his head, trying to find the right words, “…an asshole?” She provided for him, “…unreliable.” He suplied, “and Sam is too attached, I can’t ask this of him, keeping it secret from his brother.” Cas wants to slam his head on the table with frustration and Claire tries one more time: “Don’t you think you’d be safe at Jody’s?” He shakes his head, “I’ve been to missions to get nephilims, if one garrison fails, another one comes almost immediately after. I’m not risking your life, if it’s safer to run.”

She grabs his hand again and squeezes him gently. “I’ll be your ears until you find a way to stop running.” She says lowly, “I trust you to keep my sib safe, just make sure you get yourself someone else you trust, you can’t be completely alone in this. I think you should go to a doctor or something too, because I heard somewhere you’re not allowed to drink coffee while pregnant.” Startled, Cas looks down on his empty cup. “Humans can’t drink certain things while pregnant?” He says alarmed, Claire grimaces and nods. “Maybe more of a healer, like a witch-doctor or something, someone who won’t ask that many questions.” The grimace turns in right out scowl. “God knows I hate the bitches, but maybe with enough bribery they take care of any of the physical.” Cas groans, immediately thinking of the best of the worst option and realises it’s the only viable one.

“Dammit, she’s gonna be insufferable.” Claire snorts, “aren’t they always?” She asks with a wry grin, they share a light chuckle, when she turns severe. “Seriously, what happened with the dad?” Claire prompts again, and Cas sighs heavily.

“I’m not sure.” He says slowly and she gives him a look that calls him perfectly out on his bullshit. “He did a 180 after we had sex, one moment we were laying next to each other and the next he scrambled away and told me it was a mistake.” Cas shrugs, if he’s nonchalant about it, maybe she won’t start digging. “He has a very powerful curse that makes him pretty much indestructible and I think that’s how my grace chose him for rooting. But afterwards he hated what we did, told me if I ever talked to him about it, he would kill me.” He’s not looking at her, trying not to make it obvious, but everybody always says that for someone who doesn’t show many emotions, he can’t lie for anything. “So I think the curse made him want me, instead of he himself.” He clears his throat, Cas knows how shifty he’s being, he knows if he’d look up she would stare right through him. “I mean, why would he have sex if he’d find it disgusting?”

When he finally raised his eyes, Claire looked like she was gonna kill someone, a feral snarl on her face, and Cas would be incredibly proud, if it wouldn’t be directed at him. “I’m gonna cut off his dick and feed it to hellhounds.” She tells him hotly, “come on, Claire. He means nothing to me, for all I care, he’s done the only thing that’s he’s good for.” A nice fantasy, but a lie all the same, she knows who means the world to Cas, better to keep him out of it. “Don’t lie to me Cas.” She shakes her head, “I know who it is. A guy with a curse so powerful it makes him stronger than an angel, Dean suddenly being “unreliable” and the dad telling you to never mention it again? That’s got the closeted dick all over it. You love each other, I know you do, your grace didn’t choose a stranger because he was strong, it chose Dean because you’re in love with him, always have been.” It feels like the gunshot wound just got pierced with a blade too, clenches his fingers in his coat on his lap, trying to let the urge of flying away go.

Claire kicks his shins under the table, which makes him look back up. Her face is earnest, eyes dark and glittering. “He doesn’t deserve you.” She says fiercely, “If he’s a little wimp about his feelings and doesn’t wanna commit, he should’ve had sex with anyone but you!” Despite the tears threathening to spill over, he has to smile at the strong-willed young woman.

“They should know, Sam too. The kid is family and if you can’t face Dean yet, let Sam tell him, your heart doesn’t have to be broken again by that bastard. But they should have the chance to decide and live with those choices.” White hot tears start to pool in his eyes again as he shakes his head minutely, “It’s just decidingly not…” he swallows harshly, “…human. I tried really hard for them you know? Moving when I should move, blinking, breathing, letting more emotion show, eating with them, being pop culture savvy. But in the end, I’m not human enough and this’ll be the last straw, I just now it.” She looks down on the leftovers of his burger and he’s quick to reassure her. “It’s been maybe a day or two, but I feel tired, thirsty and hungry, all of the normal human stuff. Besides I like sharing a meal with someone now and then, and now that I have a Charlie approved creditcard, I’m not gonna go hungry.”

Claire bites her lip, before nodding jerkily and standing up, coming to sit next to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. “It wasn’t anywhere near the last straw with me.” She says softly, “I mean yeah, of course I have some questions, but even in this world, some men can get pregnant, just not cis men. You’re not really a man, you never claimed to be, and this isn’t really your body. If those boys don’t remember or respect that, then that’s on them, not on you to fix. I’m not telling any of them, because it’s your decision to let them in, but just so you know? Jody would be someone who would be in your corner, she’s gonna be regardless, because I’m telling her you’re having a falling out, I’m on your side, and Dean’s not remotely allowed anywhere near my home.” Cas huffs softly, not sure if he should laugh or continue to cry. “And I’ll ask her questions you know? About the coffee and stuff, I’ll just tell her a friend of mine is pregnant and her mom is out of the picture. Those are both not lies!” She laughs, when he gave her a half unapproving look.

“So? Who’re you gonna lean on too, I want to make sure you have enough of a plan before I have to start driving.” Claire says, carefully looking at the clock on the wall. She’s right, it’s getting late, and it’s nice she’s not letting him so easily off the hook. “Well, I’m going to molt soon, it’s part of an angels pregnancy, the feathers are specially powered up, and since any sane angel would get the hell out of dodge, the moment something takes root in their grace, It’ll hopefully convince the witch to look out for my health if I give her enough.” He takes a moment to rub a preemptive headache from his temples, “and I guess I just have to call someone back from the dead.” Claire raises her eyebrows, not certain if it’s a serious thing he can do, but Cas just snorts. “I helped him fake his death, to get him out of a fight.” She snorts too, “damn, yeah, sounds like he owes you.” He shakes his head, “you have no idea.”

Chapter Text

“Hey Cas! I’ve been trying to reach you for ages!” Castiel clears his throat and sits on one the cheap chairs of a motel room, a resigned feeling washing over him. “Hello Sam, I’m sorry you couldn’t reach me. I’ve been on the road for a while, I was meeting Claire and forgot to charge my phone before I started.” It’s not the complete truth, he turned off his phone when she texted the address to him, he didn’t want anything to disturb him and his thoughts on the long drive from Lawrence to Columbus. Good thing too, because Sam had been calling and texting him in an almost frantic succession. “I came back from Rowena and Charlie’s, and the mark is gone! Like completely removed from his arm, no traces left!” Cas feels himself completely freeze over, there’s no way.

“Does… uh… when did you come back exactly?” He asks, dreading the answer already. “I mean just yesterday, do you have an idea what it could be? Because Dean’s been really cagey about it, telling me not to look a gift horse in the mouth. But it’s us, I think I’m allowed to be a little paranoid about it, don’t you?”

It’s not all that uncommon that the creation of a hatchling also creates certain mircales, but surely the mark of Cain was an act of God, not something that can just disappear? He chuckles lightly, their little miracle, creating a miracle. That’s just the perfect start of a blessed life.

It gets him a little choked up for some reason.

Cas puts his phone call on speaker and decides to text Claire just to make sure.

Cas: can you ask Jody if it is normal to cry more too? Sent 19:54 

“Are you still there?” Sam asks a little anxiously over the phone and Cas sighs, he needs to tell him about this, Claire was right. “I mean, have you had Rowena look it over, seen if the cure left any traces, he is cured right, no more anger issues?” He rolls his eyes a little at his own question, “I mean no more anger issues that can be blamed on the mark instead of just alcoholism?” Sam makes a sound between a laugh and a scoff, “damn Cas, retract the claws a little. But to answer the question, yeah. He’s just back to his regular self, except for the cagey thing of course. I don’t get why he isn’t curious about it, ya know? Like, does he have no questions?” Cas hums noncommittally, “maybe he knows and he’s not telling.” He says, trying not to sound too obvious. “Well, why wouldn’t he tell me!” Sam sounds affronted, and given their past, he kinda gets it. Keeping secrets never ended well with them.

Dammit did he just make another point against himself?

He blows a deep breath, gripping some tissues to dry his eyes. He’s not dealing with the Winchester fallout yet, he’s too emotionally wrung out after his meeting with Claire. “Maybe it’s something he doesn’t want you to know, like committing himself to veganism and romcoms or something equally as un-Dean-like.” This time Sam fully snorts and Cas smiles a little too. Un-Dean-like, as in sleeping with something man-shaped, the smile immediately drops from his face. “Look, him and me, we had a little bit of a falling out. It’s why I went to see Claire, she’s got human advice, so you won’t be put in the middle of it.”

Claire: dude, thts lyk prggo 1o1 lol Received 19:55

He breaths a sigh of relief when he sounds the words out, a trick she told him when he complained how illegible it first all looked. “You can tell me anything dude, you know that.” Sam says emphatically, but he just shakes his head. “Dean doesn’t want to talk about it,” Cas feels that crushing weight of pain back in his chest. “And I won’t be subjective. So you’ll get pissy with him, because you know my view of what happened, he’ll lash out because he won’t want to talk about it and everything will just end up getting even messier. It’s better to let us deal with it.” Sam huffs, “That’s a nice change for one of your cat fights, thanks for not putting me in the middle.” 

Claire: just askd bout d coffee 2 dont touch d stuf Received 19:55

Cas: thank you, so much :-) Sent 19:56

“You there, man?” Sam asks for a second time. “Yeah, just answering a text, I’m knackered, Sam. I drove straight to Montana from the bunker. Just let him be for a while, maybe he knows and he’ll tell, maybe he won’t, maybe he doesn’t know either and he’s just so over it, he doesn’t want to think about it ever again. Either way, if Rowena doesn’t feel anything anymore, it’ll be a thing that we overcame without anything breaking or anyone dying. It’s been a taxing year for him, let’s let him take a breath for a moment.” Sam makes a sound, clearly thinking about it. “Just call me if you need anything Cas, I’m not only here for Dean.” The angel just hums in agreement, “we’ll hear each other.” He says noncommittally, “yeah bye, man.” And the line goes dead.

Cas let’s himself drop heavily on the bed. How’s he gonna survive being human again without coffee? He sighs deeply, closing his eyes, mentally straining against the weight of everything that’s happened in the last two days. He automatically let’s his hand trail over his stomach and the heaviness almost immediately feels a little lighter.

It’s going to take three weeks before the little one to get picked up on angel radio, and by then he’ll need to have everything in order to be invisible, on top of a contingency plan that’s airtight.

Dean: Sam told me we were fighting shouldnt i be consulted before we have 1 of those??? Received 21:07

The angel scoffs, rolling his eyes at the complete and utter passive aggressiveness he’s reading. Apperantly, he’s going to have to deal with the fallout regardless.

Sunshine: oh, so we’re talking about it now? Sent: 21:25

It wouldn’t hurt to match his energy a little.

Dean: what the hell does it matter??? It happened it meant more to u than it does to me get over it and stop being a lil bitch Received 21:27

Sunshine: I’m not even touching that sentence with a ten foot pole, but I think a one night stand would be rightfully upset if they were being called disgusting right after sex too, don’t you? Sent 21:31

Dean: It wasnt meant like that Received 02:18

Sunshine: that makes me feel a whole lot better Dean, thanks so much. Sent 08:36

Sunshine: you should tell Sam the truth, but I’m not gonna force you to deal with your obvious embarrassement of sleeping with me. Just remember the last time you hid something like this from him Sent 12:47

Dean: u really think fucking u cured the mark?? Received 16:43

Sunshine: what do you think happened then? We had sex, my grace changed frequencies, the mark is gone. If that doesn’t tell you it was an accidental miracle, I don’t know what would make you believe Sent 16:57

Dean: u couldn’t have done that without taking advantage? Received 16:59

Sunshine: excuse me? You initiated it, you had a whole speech about it if I recall and it’s not like I knew that my grace could even do that! That frequency shouldn’t be possible on earth let alone with me after everything my grace went through! Losing it constantly, having it cut out, having another angels’ grace house in my vessel, it does things with it. It makes it weaker, I didn’t think it was possible, you’re welcome by the way Sent 18:03

Dean:  I didnt initiate jack shit! It was the mark that overtook me! Dont delude yourself in thinking i would do something like that without the mark!!!!! Received 18:11

Sunshine: Lucifer had never any problems like that, and I’m pretty sure Cain hadn’t either, the only thing it did for both of them is enhance their bloodlust, made them almost invincible and it made their other feelings more basic. All the rest got more simple. Lucifer described it like it was in purgatory Received 18:17

Dean: oh so were taking the word of Lucifer now got ya. Received 18:18

Sunshine: when he wasn’t completly corrupted by the creation of hell and his minions and still naming himself Samael, when he still loved his family and the wonders of the universe, when he didn’t want everything crumbling to ash and dust. Yeah, then I could believe him, just like I believed you when the mark didn’t have you totally in his grasp. I can’t give the same benefit of the doubt to my brother as I do you? Am I just to throw everything he created to the wayside because he turned evil, instead of being born evil? Sent 18:23

Dean: wooow this is just fantastic believing the devil instead of my experience, what i feel, what happened to me!! Received 18:24

Sunshine: a monster worthy of putting down because of who I love, disgusting and a rapist. If you think that about me Dean Winchester, why do you still want anything to do with me? Why have this conversation? Sent 19:05

Dean:  I never meant it like that Cas!!!! Dont be so dramatic!! Lets just get over it and never mention it again!!!! Received 19:06

Sunshine: what do you mean it like then? Because if I said the same things to you and I was serious about it, would you just get over it? If this is even remotely what you feel, I don’t want you to get over it, I should atone for the sins I committed onto you. Sent 19:11

Of fucking course does Cas think he should atone for what happened between them. He doesn’t know when to quit with his guilt complex. Dean throws the phone aggressively on the map table and stalks of to grab a beer, ignoring the judgemental look Sam throws him, “you and Cas still fighting?” He asks, when Dean comes back from the kitchen.

“He doesn’t know when to take things not as seriously as they seem. I mean he’s just bitching now, I can’t change the truth no matter how much it hurts him, but he still wants to whine about it!”

Dean looks up, hoping to have some glimmer of agreement but instead Sam gives him a pensive look. “I can’t agree with you if I don’t know what he’s taking too seriously. Cas can be dramatic about things, but I mostly get why he reacts that way when he does and besides, it’s one of the things I like about him, you do as well, don’t deny it.” Dean just crosses his arms and makes a face like he’s a two year old with a plate full of Brussels sprouts in front of him, it makes Sam huffs out a silent laugh, “I wonder where he gets the dramatics from.” The look turns murderous and Sam just shakes his head, taking a swig from the beer Dean brought him when he went to the kitchen. “I can’t form an opinion if you don’t tell me what happened.” He says for maybe the hundredth time in the last two days when he and Cas started their little conversation, but Dean just shakes his head.

Dean knows what Sam’s opinion is gonna be. He’s not an idiot, he knows he’s hurt Cas. But if that was the only way to break any and all feelings on the angels’ side then he’s gonna happily take it as collateral.

Picking up his phone and scrolling back a couple of texts, Dean bites his lip.

A monster worthy of putting down because of who I love.

Take us away my love.

Love.

It’s not possible. He can’t have that. Dean is not capable of that kind of love.

He made sure of it. Dad made sure of it. There is nothing left over from before to leave him capable of that.

“I knew that you were fucking possessed again! No son of mine is a fag! I knew there was a monster in you! GIVE ME MY SON BACK YOU FOUL DEMON!”

Dean takes a swig from his beer and tries to get away from the memories of being exorcised of trying and begging for the pain to end. Dad purified it. The mark put it back, there’s no other way he wanted it. He takes another swig and closes his eyes against the wave of feelings crashing over him.

“Cas got advice from Claire because he didn’t want me to be put in the middle, but if I need to, I can just as easily have a talk with her if you want.” Sam looks up expectantly, and it makes Deans heart stutter.

Claire.

Charlie.

He knows what he’s doing. He’s making exceptions. If dad were alive, there was no they would ever be allowed to hunt together. “Let them burn in the fires of hell, Dean. That’s where they house them. You know that. I proved it to you.” “Let’s just find a hunt and stop putting your nose in things that are none of your business, I wanna see if I still got it without the mark.” After a deep sigh, designed to make Dean feel the weight of his displeasure, Sam turns back to his laptop.

Chapter Text

He was really nervous, setting up in this abandoned factory. It wasn’t something Castiel ever expected to do, Gabriel was quite clear when he asked for help fooling their family and the Winchesters to disappear, especially after he told the Winchesters about the smoking gun nobody was supposed to know about. But in the end, he loved humanity and it’s many beauties just as much as Cas.

Even if they differ from opinion on what exactly the: ‘beauties of earth’ entails.

It was a fool proof plan:

First: switch out Samael’s angel blade for that of Gabriel’s in one of the many attempts on Lucifer’s life. He’s so far removed from his previous position that he won’t be able to tell the difference and Gabriel could enchant it to perform two spells when it hits the owner. A vanishing and illusion spell.

Second: “don’t mess up my games with the mortals ‘lil bro, those two need to learn some lessons and some very strong conviction, if they’re gonna fight in daddy’s war.”

Third: if Cas wants any more help saving the world, Gabriel is busy doing belly shots on models.

Gabe owes him a conversation after the suicide mission he went on for him and besides, he’s not asking for him to fight, he’s asking for his best hiding tips.

But still, he’s nervous. Cas put Lucifer and Michael in a cage and he has killed Raphael, that makes him the sole destroyer of the archangel line. That’s not talking about the amount of destruction, murder and violence he’s brought to any of their other brothers, sisters and heaven in general. He was foolish enough to follow Metatron, paved the way for Naomi to reset their remaining family, became God in his foolish attempt to save the world.

Cas shakes off the feeling of dread settling in. He can list things on why it’s a bad idea to summon his brother far greater than the request not to call. But he’s always been a fighter and Gabe was always the best at playing hide and seek. The fact that he’s not carrying an angel, but a nephilim is another big reason. He expects it’s not going to be a problem, Gabriel is anything but a rule follower, but you can never be sure.

He lets his grace sing a little, the wind blowing in his efforts to reach inside and smiles when a curious little tendril reassures him he’s doing it for a good cause. He’s doing it for his little one. His baby is anything but the things he’s been told, it feels good natured, too small to be an evil creature, world ending abomination, please!

It’s going to catch up with him soon, the other one he had a hand in killing. But today he’s not letting that weight fall on his shoulders, today he’s taking care for his little hatchling, they’re more important than anything at the moment, even his crushing guilt. If they’re not safe, he’s not sure he can survive.

Reassured, Cas starts working on the spell. It was little more than a phone call, he would never use the original summoning rituals on other angels, as it almost always required a ring of holy water and that’s just rude if you aren’t on different sides.

Gabriel appears in a cloud of billowing smoke, letting the crackles of sparks off on the ground, Cas wants to role his eyes at the display but he knows he’s not any better at showing off if he wants to. “Well hello there, dear brother, to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?” Cas huffs a little exasperated, “cut the dramatics Gabe, there’s no humans to impress, you knew I was calling, you didn’t have to pick up.” His big brother grins back at him, raking a hand through his hair and letting it fall a little more backwards. “Your pronunciation is getting a little rougher there Cassie, you’re forgetting your basic old Norse there, tssk, tssk, little brother, tssk.” He waggles his finger like a strict school teacher, but Cas has a hard time keeping his smile as bright.

He’s lost a lot of knowledge in his time as a human, his brain just wasn’t capable to keep everything his angel heads retain. That and Naomi’s desperate attempts at resetting took a lot of his wisdom too. Gabriel claps his hands, “well then! I don’t think you called for nothing did ’ya?” Doing his best to keep thing jovial and bright, it was one of his most missed attributes when he went to earth.

“I’m in need of some assistance or at the very least, some guidance-“ Gabriel makes an excited face and Cas just braces for the sarcastic rant he’s revving up too. “-is it to…” Gabe makes an exaggerated thinking face, before he points at him. “… save you chuckleheads from the apocalypse you created when you messed with something you shouldn’t have messed with? Orrrr….” He taps his finger against his lip scrunching his face dramatically, “…you idiots trusted someone you shouldn’t have and now the apocalypse is coming! No, no that’s not it. It’s something to do with you being stupid and resulting in the apocalypse though, I know that for sure! Anyway the answer is no!” Gabe tells him, a bright smile on his face, but his are dark and Cas knows he’s serious when he says: “let the world burn I say, before I fight again in any war. The greater good is overrated.”

Castiel looks away from the stormy look in his brothers eyes, “I know.” He tells Gabriel softly, “I assure you, I’m here for purely selfish reasons.”

“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Gabe swaggers over to him, hopping up on the table Cas used for the spell and sniffing in the bowl dubiously. “I got myself in a little predicament and I need your undisputed hiding skills for a while.” He frowns, back to serious, “did you bring that trouble here?” “No,” he tells his brother passionately, “I promised you, no more trouble.” Gabriel hums, “trouble’s on it’s way, though isn’t it?” Cas drops himself on the other side of the table with a sigh, “yeah, there’s no fighting it this time.” He shrugs, “even someone as stubborn as me knows when to cut and run.” He can tell he’s caught Gabriel off guard by the slump of his shoulders and he quirks his lips a little, a rare sight to see.

“Even the most ferocious guard dog knows when to let sleeping bears lie.” It’s something Father used to tell them when one of them was wary of the happenings on earth, wanting to intervene, change the fate of the most tragic. “Thank you.” Cas says automatically, “he never meant it as a compliment either.” He mutters darkly.

“So?” Gabriel prompts after a moment, a big smile plastered back on his face and knows the moment is over. “What ‘predicament’ have you got yourself in?” He growls the word out, trying to imitate Cas in some way, at the roll of his eyes, Gabriel just punches his shoulder. “I don’t know how happy you’re gonna be with this news. I mean we talked about it when you came looking for help, you asked if I knew the repercussions of saving the world and choosing humanity above heaven.” Gabriel frowns and nods contemplatively, “I remember, “make sure you can turn your back on your family and everything you know, because they sure as hell won’t want you back in the fold.” Cas hums in acknowledgement, “and I told you that I’d at least do it for the right reasons.” Gabriel guffaws, “yeah, you were a sanctimonious dick then.” Cas smiles lightly, “aren’t we all when we just get out the gates?” Gabriel chuckles, “I guess you’re right, what did it for you, then? To get that heavenly stick out of your ass? He squints a little, raising his eyebrows. “You first.” Gabe makes a dismissive gesture, “fair enough Cassie, you right, you right.”

Castiel just shrugs, steeling himself a little. It’s Gabriel, he owes him, he almost died helping in his disappearing act. “You know I always dreamed of having a couple of hatchlings of my own,” he starts slowly, and Gabriel’s eyebrows shoot up high in the air, “oh our Dad!” he laughs, clapping his hands excitedly. “Have you and dreamboat Dean-o finally confessed all your little feelings and you’re planning on steering him off into the sunset? Getting ready for a wedding, a halfling or two? Do you need to borrow some grace to imbue Dean-o’s little swimmers?” Gabriel narrowed his eyes when the fluffed up, nervous state of Cas’ wings, suddenly changed, to flattened and almost painfully tucked to his back. “Cassiel.” He starts sternly and Cas just shakes his head, “this isn’t anything to do with him.” He tries calmly, but it’s not really working, because Gabriel’s own golden brown feathers billow out in anger and frustration, arching as if going on attack. “What did the mud monkey do, brother?” It’s not a question, it’s a demand for answers and like always, Castiel has difficulty not following orders for people he loves, he can fight people like Zachariah or Naomi, but Gabriel, or the Winchesters? He can’t overcome his nature.

“One minute, I’m telling he’s going too far with the mark, the next he’s devouring me, telling me he wants me forever, asking me if I love him, which of course I do. Of course.” Cas takes a deep, quivering breath, purposefully trying to relax his wings back down, letting them droop a little, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. “The next, we wake up next to each other, you know: after and he tells me he’s disgusted with himself and to never talk to him about it, or he’ll take an angel blade to my heart.”

He shakes his head as Gabriel completely freezes over. “I don’t know what the hell happened, was it the mark? Did it somehow alter more than the violence this time, or was it more of a change of heart as a result of cold feet and now he’s blaming the mark to stop taking any blame? Did he always think I’m more of a monster, than an ally?” He shrugs the question off, looking back over his brother with a fierce look in his eye.

“It doesn’t matter now. My grace chose that moment to place a new root, i’m not wasting this chance. I want this baby. I was devastated when you told me what that choice would entail. I knew I was choosing humanity before hatchlings, but I also knew that it was the right choice, because in what universe would I be letting them grow up, if I didn’t? They’re here now though, growing inside me and for once there is no apocalypse to think about. So damn Dean, damn the world, damn the whole universe for all I care, I’m choosing my little one before anything else.”

Suddenly he feels something brush against his hoof and when Castiel looks up, Gabriel looks a little hesitant, but he gives his brother a little smile, then he feels the tail curl around is calf. The smile turns into a sappy grin. It’s been a long time since he’s been comforted like that and he doesn’t feel the energy to not start crying. Damn hormones are gonna drive him insane before the year is up.

“It’s okay Cassie, it’ll be okay, I’ll keep you both safe.”

Chapter Text

“So, who’re we gonna summon now?” Castiel rolls his eyes when Gabriel unceremoniously drops on next to him on the wooden bench, where he was staring at the contacts on his phone. When the tears had dried a bit and both of them had gained their composure back, Gabriel still muttering about all the things he’s planning on doing to the hunters with increasing violence, which Cas gently put a stop too, telling him he just wants a place to rest, not any sort of revenge he cooks up. Gabriel shrugged nonchalantly, but with that glint in his eye that promised no such thing and promised his best hide-y-hole for his “favourite sibling and his spawn of flannel.”

Not a long flight after Cas found himself in a most inconspicuous little cottage, a huge forest surrounded three sides, a steep cliff in the back, overseeing a wild ocean, harsh waves crashing against different pointed rocks. It was an absolute gorgeous place and completely isolated in the middle of nature.

The house needed some work though, dust layering upon dust, the windows were boarded up, the whole house needed a fresh coat of paint and some furniture that didn’t look like it stood on its last legs. It was perfect though. The bones of a good home, but most importantly, Castiel felt the hum of warding just as strong as he felt it when he was in the bunker. This forest had been armed and shielded so thoroughly that no one, angel or demon, monster or human, would ever come as far as the cliffs.

Thus, the safety of the bunker, but the freeing possibility to let his wings fan completely out. Cas didn’t expect this much beauty or space, but most of all: he didn’t expect Gabriel taking one of the four bedrooms and start helping clear the dust, pointing at couches online for pick up, before the three weeks were up and Cas is gonna start sounding alarm bells on angel radio. “I told you I was gonna take care of you, Cassie. The babes can wait for a while, while you make a babe of your own.” He just crinkled his nose at the wording and pretended it wasn’t the best news he’s had in years.

But by the way Gabriel’s wings had fluffed up proudly, he had an inkling Gabe knew.

It had been a long two weeks. Full of crying at the nest the bird in the oak was creating or the first time Gabe cooked for them, the amount of help Claire was over the phone or how Dean didn’t update him about hunts or his life anymore, like he did before this whole mess started.

Or the aches and twinges in his muscles and bones, especially his hips, how the first feathers started fluttering away mid flight.

It wasn’t that bad, he could fly now without hiding himself in the veil, Gabriel had proven it when he dropped his vessel on one of the new chairs and demanded a race.

Castiel was still the fastest.

A big grin had formed on his face when he discovered this. Even after all that his wings and grace went through. There was still a reason he was chosen to take Dean out of the pit.

Now he was closer to the three-week mark and the time to secure the extra help was dwindling way too fast. The moment his child would be picked up on angel radio, the chase would be on, and everyone could be on the wrong side, especially the ones who can be bought. So, before any angel or demon can get before her, he’s gonna have to make Rowena an offer she can’t refuse.

“So?” Gabriel, nudges him with his elbow an impish grin on his face, that implies trouble, and Cas swats him with his tail, “behave Gabe.” He says, trying hard not to sound like a stern mother, “it’s nobody you can play with.” His brother just rolls his eyes and swats back, he’s missed being around angels, interacting with his real body these last weeks settled something in him that he’s didn’t even know was wrong. “Why? They as puckered up as you?” He huffs annoyed. “No, she’ll just eat you alive if you try anything and I do need both of you to survive at least until this baby is out of me.” His brother’s grin just gets bigger, and Cas takes a moment to regret calling his idiot older brother and the fact that a witch, a witch! Is the only person he can think of to help and dails her number.

“Oh tweety! I didn’t expect I’d hear from you so soon, after our grand adventure saving your little boy toy!” Cas stands up and begins pacing, he’s surrounded by snark, what will his child learn around theses people?

“Are you interested in making a deal or not, because if not I’m just gonna hang up.” He hears a dramatic gasp, that’s only partly just for show and asks: “the book of the dammed?” In a sultry tone, like she wants to make love with it and Cas huffs again. “No, it’s-“ “-then I’m not interested, goodbye feathers!” “Wait!” Cas let’s panicked, dammit! She’s got him, she knows he’s desperate.

“I’m listening.” He hears her smiling, and he knows how it looks like, like the cat got the canary, like she’s won, and he hates her just a little. “Maybe, I don’t have the book of the dammed, but I can offer you something even more valuable.” He hears nothing for longer than he would’ve liked and his heart beats just a little faster because of it. “In exchange for what?” She says, heaving an exhausted sigh and Cas smiles, giving Gabriel a thumbs up.

“A couple of magical consults, a procedure and your discretion.” He hears a huff, “it better be a good price if you want that much,” she sounds annoyed, but he guesses it’s more because she’s not planning on saying no, and she’s irritated with herself. “It’s a magical ingredient no witch, mortal or immortal has ever touched.” He says and he hears a pleased hum, “is that so?” The sultry tone is back, “you wouldn’t be overselling what it’s worth, would you?”

He looks back at Gabriel with a little crease in his brow for a moment, “what if I threw in some lessons with the God of Mischief himself?” “Hey! I didn’t agree to that, you cretin!” Cas just gives a look that says “i’m on the phone,” and “do something about it then?” Which has his brother dramatically sighing and crossing his arms, pouting like a five-year-old. Meanwhile Rowena is pretending to hem and haw like she’s still thinking about it and Cas, who’d rather just go take a long soak in the bath because having your grace prepare to take in a child, with all the organ rearranging and hip expanding and hormone switching and so many other painful things makes him, admittedly a bit of an impatient, cranky dick. “Look, I’m in need of your skill set, I’m willing to pay you for it, you wanna come see what it is, or are we gonna keep up with this game?” She sighs, but Cas knows that he has her convinced. “Your friends are way more fun to play with, angel.” Rowena says dramatically. “But I’ll play with them plenty when you want your precious consult, no?” “No!” He says a little too harshly and winces. He keeps getting so emotional, getting riled up so fast at the slightest moment. Especially when it comes to the Winchesters Gabriel has tried talking to him a few times over the last three weeks, and every time he knows he’s being an asshole.

“Oh, now that only makes the pot sweeter, our mortal little lads don’t know, do they?” “No.” He says, much more, subdued. “Is it because I felt something angelic clinging to your little boyfriend where the mark of Cain used to be?” Cas goes to sit back next to his brother, seeking his heat and comfort, Gabriel looks suddenly tired as well, scrubbing a hand over his face and rolling the rigidity from his wings out with the shoulders of his vessel. “Something did happen, didn’t it? Dean was being oh, so, secretive about it, didn’t want Sam anywhere near him when I looked him over. Going on an on about: “how they got to have this one thing without repercussions,” and “why keep digging if it’s fixed.” But it isn’t fixed isn’t it?” Rowena says with a pleased hum in her tone, “the consequences just got turned on you instead of them.”

“Just don’t use it against them yet.” He says, after a moment of heavy silence. When she starts chuckling Cas gets an ugly look on his face. He hangs up on her, without saying goodbye and turns to Gabriel, who has a dark look on his face, that he hasn’t seen in eons, the look of an angry archangel, Castiel shivers a little, lowering his eyes to the ground and straightening his shoulders like a good little soldier and waits for the bomb to explode. “You never said anything about the mark of Cain.” He says, he’s never sounded like this before, frigid and emotionless, and Cas wants to cry again.

“I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t think about it.” He croaks out and that startles Gabriel out of his posturing. “Sorry Cassie, sorry, that wasn’t…” he heaves a long sigh, relaxing his shoulders, deliberately giving him a bright smile, that doesn’t really meet his eyes. “That wasn’t about you.” He says softly, the forced smile turning smile and smaller and little sad. “It was around that time you ran away, that it got created, it stands to reason that it’s a difficult topic to think about, I’m sorry, brother.” Cas says carefully, he never really got the story, having to be reset together with hundreds of his brothers and sisters. He got told it was a civil war, and that the cherubs and other foot soldiers from the losing side had to be reformed, to stop any rebellious thoughts that could return.

Despite not knowing what the war was about, Castiel had pledged himself to be a better soldier, so he would never lose again, and it had worked.

He was good at what he did, even turning into a general and getting the righteous man out of hell, getting to be his ward.

How Dean had changed him.

How all his pledges became nothing with the shine of his soul. His resilience, that beautiful heart that beat under all that soot and darkness that the world forced upon him.

Of course he’s not good enough to be his.

That doesn’t mean he regrets where it led. Dropping a hand his stomach and closing his eyes. “Do you still not remember what the war was about?” Gabriel asked quietly, his tail curling around Cas’ calf, a gesture to comfort not only him, Cas is sure, so he drops his vessel’s head on Gabe’s shoulder, connecting them in both dimensions. “The mark of Cain is the lock of a prison” He says quietly, “we would’ve known if something bad came out, it would’ve pinged on some kind of frequency if it’s angelic.” He says, trying to reassure his brother, but Gabe just heaves a deep sigh. “He shouldn’t have given it to the Winchesters, if he didn’t want you guys to mess with it.”

Cas looks up, a confused frown on his face. “Who?” Gabe just and grins. “So, this Rowena chick, she sounds fun, Cassie, you sure I can’t play with her?” Clearly trying to avoid talking about it and Castiel knew that would be the last of the subject his brother will speak about it.