Archive of Our Own ^beta

Tara gazed out from over the microphone at her fellow gods as she cleared her throat.

"I'm actually gonna sing one of my songs tonight," she started. "This one is called For The Dear-- "

"How was I supposed to know where I fucking put it! I didn't even fucking have it!" Baphomet screamed.

Everyone turned around towards the back row. The Morrigan and Baphomet were once again bickering.

"You can't even rack through that pea sized brain of yours to remember that I fucking gave it to you!" The Morrigan shot back.

"Watch your fucking language!" Baal shouted at the couple as he cupped Minerva's ears.

Sakhmet yawned as she eased back into her chair. Inanna rolled his eyes as The Morrigan and Baphomet kept violently gesturing at each other. He took out his phone and clicked on twitter. Woden, the unofficial senior member of the Pantheon, with an arm around two of his clearly uncomfortable Valkyries, made no move to stop the fight.

"Guys I wanna hear Tara sing," Amaterasu piped up as she raised a finger.

"So," Tara continued. "I wrote this---"

"You want me to fucking prove it to you?" Baphomet stood up. He swung his foot back and kicked the chair with his heel. It wobbled and toppled over.

"You know what? I'm not going to reason with you! You think you're a man full of substance, but you're obviously full of shit! "

"Will you shut up?" Tara exclaimed in an irritated tone.

The two Underworld gods stopped and faced her at the same time. The Morrigan's eyes widened, and jaw dropped as a half shocked, half angered look crossed her face. Baphomet glared at Tara for a second before he eyed in on the microphone. He headed down the aisle to the stage.

"Cameron what the fuck are you doing?" The Morrigan called out.

Baphomet grabbed the microphone from Tara's hand. She tripped as one of her high heels got caught on the wire.

"Hey!" She protested as she pulled herself up.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages! I, the great and talented Baphomet, have decided to grace this shitshow with my presence!"

The microphone made a high pitched crackling sound that caused everyone to cover their ears.

"Baphomet get off the stage! Someone take his place!" Woden yelled.

"What about Tara? Hey Tara, don't you wanna sing your song?" Amaterasu asked.

The god didn't say a word. She only adjusted her mask and quickly started back to her seat.

"I'll go!" Inanna raised his hand.

"You already went!" Baal exclaimed angrily.

The shrill screech came again as Baphomet tapped the microphone.

"Tonight I will open this danse macabre cabaret with my own rendition of Diamonds Aren't Forever by Bring Me The Horizon."

"Don't you fucking dare!" The Morrigan shouted as Baphomet searched for the song on the computer attached to the speakers. He dramatically held his head down as the instrumental part began. He slowly raised his head and looked up into the spotlight above as he shouted:

We Will Never Sleep 'Cause Sleep Is For The Weak
And We Will Never Rest 'Til We're All Fucking Dead

Baphomet's voice warped into a growl like shriek. The Morrgian buried her head between her hands, embarrassed. Amaterasu struggled to keep a straight face. Baal was covering both his and Minerva's ears. Inanna watched on with a half intrigued half horrified expression. Tara glanced down at the floor. Only Woden appeared to be calm, as he rested his elbows on his knees, placed his fingertips together, and looked on in silence.

"Can I kill him?" Sakhmet spoke for the first time that evening.

"Only I can kill him," The Morrigan muttered.

In between his garbled screams, Baphomet tore off his shirt and tossed it at the audience. It landed close to Tara who jumped back. Baal was now attempting to shield Minvera's eyes as well as her ears. Baphomet pounded his chest as he strutted back and forth across the stage. His voice cracked and he burst into a coughing fit. With a gulp, he went back to spewing out the lyrics.

I can promise you one thing: death will take us all!
I can promise you one thing: you will die alone!
We're all going to Hell, we may as well go out in style!
Death is a promise, and your life is a fucking lie!

Amaterasu's face went pale. Inanna froze nervously in his spot. The Morrigan groaned. Woden's patience had finally run out.

"Will you fucking shut up?" His voice was drowned out by another of Baphomet's shrieks.

After what seemed like an eternity of ear shattering torture, Baphomet tilted his head back and belted the final lines:

I refuse!
I refuse!
I refuse to close my eyes!

Not missing a second, he looked up and ended with a:

"Fuck you!"

Baphomet threw down the microphone and stormed off. He hurried out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

"Cameron you fucking get back here!" The Morrigan ran after him. Shouts could be heard from down the hall.

Amaterasu broke the silence.

"Luci would have liked that. Don't you think?"

No one answered her.