Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Did you take your medication?”

She kept pushing. She always kept pushing. 

“Yes!”, he snapped, standing in the door, blocking the way to his room. “I have. I always do, you know I always do.”

“Then why is it that you're acting this moody? I literally have done nothing wrong and you're yelling at me like I chopped off one of your fingers.”, she scoffed, crossing her arms before her chest.

“I'm not yelling...”, he sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose. “Come on, Maisie. I'm tired. Just let me get some sleep, alright?”

His sister rolled her eyes, definitely not believing his bullshit. She never did.

But for all he hated her intrusive tendencies, how she always stormed into his room without knocking, how she always snooped in his bag to secretly check if he was bringing drugs or alcohol into their apartment, how she always kept pushing about those damn meds — he appreciated her. She always cared. Even if it was annoying. Even if it was crossing his boundaries. Even if it was wrecking his patience. She really, truly cared.

“Make sure to drink your water.”, she demanded, gesturing vaguely over his shoulder into his room, where a half-full water bottle was standing uselessly on his bedside table.

“I will.”, he said. 

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

He would try at least.

These new antidepressants have not done what he had hoped they would do. And drinking enough water really was not on the top of his priority list these days. He should be calling his psychiatrist, getting different meds. Maybe trying Lexapro again.

But if he called him, he'd have to wait for an appointment. He'd have to go to that appointment. He'd have to talk to that disgusting old guy. And then he'd have to actually take those new meds. And he really, really did not want to change his medication again. It was a pain in the ass. The whole procedure.

“Alright then”, Maisie nodded, giving him one last, sceptical glance. “Have a good night.”

Theo exhaled in relief. “Good night.”

He waited for her to disappear into her own bedroom, before he turned, closed the door, and took a seat before his computer, opening a new, empty document.

“Let's do this”, he muttered to himself, fingers hovering above the keyboard.

It had been seven months — seven goddamn months — since he had started to gather ideas for his book. The characters were fleshed out. The scenes were all planned and organized. All he had to do was write that shit. The words had to be put onto actual paper. But, Jesus Christ, his writers block was one hell of a challenge.

“Come on brain.” He stared at the blank page. “Do your job.” He typed a few random words, deleted them again, wrote some more, and deleted those as well.

It was hopeless.

Maybe if he just started with the title?

He set the font a bit bigger and wrote it down in bold letters: Eat My Very Soul.

There. The title. A first step. The beginning of a whole book. A novel. Written and published by none other than Theodore Knights, future bestselling author.

He leaned back in his chair, lips pressed into a tight line. The little alarm clock on his desk showed twelve past ten.

...fuck this. 

It was far too late to be productive. He was tired. His brain was foggy. If he fully started writing now, it would probably turn out horrible and he would hate it all when he read it again in the morning.

He sat in silence for a few minutes, pondering over his options. Should he just go to sleep? He could feel the bed calling his name. It always was. That was the bad part about having a minor depression — he was always ready to sleep.

But if he went to bed now, he would just sleep until tomorrow noon. That was when Maisie would come home from uni and force him to get up. 

If he instead tried to stay up a little longer, he would at least sleep for a few hours less. Was that healthy? Maybe. It sounded healthy. Healthier than sleeping for twelve to thirteen hours without being exhausted. He had not even done anything today. He had just hung out in his room and skipped his online classes...and slept.

So what could he do instead? How could he pass some time?

His fingers skipped through the tabs he had opened on his browser. He had far too many of them.

Embarrassing google search on how to spell 'nauseating', even more embarrassing google search on the exact meaning of 'nauseating', several tabs with pinterest boards of his book's characters, a few tabs on topics for his uni classes, some random woman smiling at him– his fingers paused.

Ah.

He had completely forgotten about that. 

When had even been the last time he had watched one of those videos? It must have been weeks. Months even. These meds messed with his head and they sure did mess with his body as well. He didn't even really think about that kind of stuff anymore.

The woman kept smiling at him. Happy. Enthusiastic. Ready. And he could feel how much he just wanted to press play and watch her undress herself. But would he like it? Somehow he could already see himself staring blankly at her naked body, completely numb and dry, not having the energy nor the right mood to undo his pants... So what even was the point?

He sighed, and clicked on the next tab. 

Archive of Our Own. 

Huh.

He remembered having an account set up for that website. Ages ago. Thirteen year old Theo would truly drown himself in those little stories. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones, and of course Greek Mythology — he had probably read all the fanfictions that existed for these fandoms at that time.

He scrolled down on the page, looking through what must have been his latest search results. He cringed a little at the titles. And at the descriptions. 

“God, no...”, he muttered to himself, grimacing as he came across a particularly strange story. The tags alone already sent a shiver down his spine.

He clicked on his own profile. No posts. No bookmarks. No nothing. Just a picture of Telemachus, the son of Greek hero Odysseus, he had drawn a few years ago, and the username he had chosen for himself back then — telemachus33.

Very much not creative.

But he did not judge his younger self. At least he had been as in love with Greek Mythology as he was now. Especially with the Odyssey. Obviously. One of the most famous stories. 

He had read a fanfiction once about Harry Potter as Odysseus and Ginny Weasley as Penelope. It had been amazing.

...for a fanfiction at least.

Sure, it had more grammar mistakes and typos than an essay by a seventh-grader, and it had more holes in its plot than there were black holes in the universe, but it was charming. And enticing. And it was so perfectly well written. 

He remembered how he had wanted to write something like that as well. A crappy fanfiction about Greek Mythology. Not just as an AU, but an actual Greek Mythology fic. Maybe a retelling. Maybe even about the Odyssey. 

He felt a smile creeping onto his lips. 

The adventures of Odysseus and his crew, he thought. But there already were more than enough retellings of Odysseus out there... Maybe a story about his son instead. His username was telemachus33 anyway, so it would totally fit. 

Maybe he could write about what life was like for Telemachus during his father's absence. 

He chuckled. 

Was it possible that Telemachus was also spending his days alone in his room by himself, slowly withering away, living off of antidepressants, energy drinks and reheated meals? He definitely could write it that way. But it probably would be more interesting for the readers to hear about some adventurous challenges he had to face. Or maybe he experienced a complicated and twisted character development over the years, growing from a young boy to a full on man. Maybe he could even add a little romance sub-plot. There surely must have been a girl — other than Circe, his canon wife — that he could use as a love interest for Telemachus. 

He leaned forward in his seat, clicking the 'post new' button, and started selecting all those little settings and tags he could use for his story. 

Who cared if it turned out to be pure dogshit? He was anonymous. And there probably wouldn't be more than a handful of people stumbling upon it. So fuck it. If he couldn't write his actual book, why not just start with some poorly written fanfiction about the prince of Ithaca?

Chapter Text

His fingers were tapping on his knee in the same rhythm as the little ticking of his clock. Every second that passed felt slower than the one before. And class just did not seem to end. 

That old grouch was still talking about the same topic he had been covering for the last fourty minutes. He was still moving his dirty moustache with every word he spoke, spitting out tiny sprinkles of saliva with every harsh sound he had to pronounce. Theo could even see it through the screen. Disgusting old sucker.

All the other students had their cameras on, faking their full attention on the slides Mr. Brooks was presenting and rambling on about. Theo was the only one who's little window was black with only his name and profile picturing hovering sliently in the middle of it. He didn't mind. The lecturers had stopped asking him to show his face a long time ago. They knew they would only be confronted with a sleep-deprived, messy-haired, moody twenty year old guy in some white shirt, sitting cross-legged on his bed in the corner of his untidied room.

None of them really cared to see that.

Funnily enough though, the other people in his class didn't look much better. Most of them sat in their pjs or at least some very casual clothes in their rooms and sipped coffee or were semi-subtly on their phone or just busy with anything else. And he couldn't blame them. This class was boring as hell. All because of that awful lecturer.

He was terrible at teaching that stuff and then expected them to hand in a thirty page group work paper, based on what exactly? Theo really wasn't sure. It didn't feel like he had gotten any useful input from that old guy yet.

But whatever. He would figure it out. 

For now, he would just be more than happy with the class finally ending. And, to his luck, right the second he sent another silent prayer to whatever god was living up there in heaven, the old grouch arrived at the last slide. 

“Anyways”, he muttered, shooting another sprinkle of spit towards his poor camera. “make sure to keep all of this in mind. It will be essential for the final paper.”

Theo laughed quietly to himself. 

Yeah, sure... Essential.

“And please remember to form groups until next week. Two to five people per group. You can put your names on one of the lists online. I will post the link into the little chat field...once, err...once I've figured out how to do that.”

A complete wanker.

Theo sighed, waited for the first people to leave the call, so he could exit too and move over to the fun part of the day.

It had been a week since he had posted not one, not two, but three full chapters of his little story in the Archive. It was just a silly project, nothing serious. But...he had to hand it to himself — it was pretty well written.

He had started with a quick little insight in what Telemachus' days looked like in his palace in Ithaca during Odyssues' absence. How he was spending his time managing the king's duties and how he was challenged with keeping his mother Penelope well and protected. And then he had moved on to create this whole complex but, in his opinion, very interesting storyline about Penelope's suitors creating a clever scheme on how to steal her from her absent husband. And Telemachus, the main character and hero of the story of course, went on a mission to unravel those secret plans and schemes.

It was very modernized adventure-theme version of the Odyssey time written from Telemachus' perspective. It was silly, maybe. But it was fun. And for the most part, it was the only thing that was keeping him from sitting uselessly around on his bed these days.

At least he was productive in some way. Was he working on uni stuff? Was he taking care of his mental or physical health? Was he writing his actual novel? No to all of these things. But at least he was doing something.

Maisie had noticed it, too.

Yesterday she had started a conversation with him after dinner, asking how the new meds were working for him, because they apparently seemed to have a 'very invigorating' effect on him.

“I don't think I've seen you so calm and collected in forever.”, she had noted, head tilted, a small smile playing around her lips.

“Yeah...”, he had muttered in response. “The meds are fine.”

He wasn't an idiot. Of course he knew that the little story wasn't the main cause for the change in his mood lately. The meds surely must've been playing their part as well.

But something told him that it still was important to keep going. To keep writing. To keep posting. 

It fueled him. It gave him a strange sense of... purpose.

And that feeling would probably fade again in a few weeks, but for now it was good. For now it worked wonders. So why stop?

He clicked onto the tab with the Archive and reloaded the page, almost giddy to see if something had changed. 

So far his story had reached 432 people and gained 5 kudos. And, what brought him the most joy, there were already two comments. 

One on the first chapter from a user named child_of_dionysus01 that said:

omg a telemachus fanfic in this day and age? i must be blessed by the gods :)

And one on the third and latest chapter from a used named cen7aurslu7 that said:

okay but why am i low-key simping for the fictional version of an already fictional character?? (can't wait for the next chapter)

He had thought about responding to them, thanking them for their interest or for interacting with his story...but it felt kind of odd. And he just did not have the energy to come up with good replies.

But, nonetheless, he appreciated those little notes more than anything. And they pushed him to publish more. 

When the site was refreshed there were no new hits. No new kudos. No new comments. 

But Theo didn't care. He clicked the button to add another chapter anyway and instantly started to hit his keys, writing the next part of his story.

He had left off at Telemachus hiding behind a pillar in the palace's great hall, eavesdropping on some of the suitors as they discussed their intricate plan on how to get past the guards and into his mother's chambers. And now? Now he was ready to hit his readers with the mortifying scene of Telemachus confronting these bastards and maybe, just maybe, having to fight them.

It was fun. He liked to imagine Telemachus as more of tough guy rather than the 'little princeling' he often got depicted as in modern literature.

When he posted it, the site refreshed automatically, and the little number indicating the amount of comments changed from 2 to 3, sending a spark of excitement through Theo's chest. He grinned. The engagement of his readership was growing.

Since the latest chapter just got uploaded, he skipped back to the one before that and scrolled down to the comments. There was the one posted by cen7aurslu7 and now, there was another one beneath it. Written by antinous_apologist:

Interesting interpretation of Telemachus. I suppose the tone makes sense, given the title—“The Prince of Ithaca” does suggest a certain... simplicity. Looking forward to more displays of the author’s literary prowess.

Theo sat in silence.

Unmoving.

For a solid minute. 

“...literary prowess?”, he eventually scoffed.

What sort of pretentious dickhead leaves a comment like that? On an Archive fanfiction? On the fun little chapter he got to read for free?

The spark of excitement was immediately extinguished. He closed his laptop and put it aside. Asshole.

The glass of water Maisie had brought him in the morning before leaving for uni was standing on his bedside table, waiting to be drunk. And he grabbed it and took a few big gulps. Had to wash down the aftertaste of that comment. 

Telemachus was not simplistic at all. He had layers. He had complexity. Especially in the newest chapter. He wasn't just confronting the suitors, he was having an entire inner monologue, an internal battle, about how he wanted to keep himself and his mother safe and yet try to step into his father's footsteps, defending the kingdom and killing those who threatened the crown. He was a well-written hero without any pretentiousness or hypocricy.

But, it made sense that this reader would think otherwise. Given that their username was literally antinous-apologist. Antinous. The guy that tried to murder Telemachus and rape Penelope and take over the role of the king, in the original myth. And the guy who miserably failed to do that and instantly died the second he tried to set things in motion.

He was the most obvious and unlayered bad guy possibly in the entirety of Greek mythology. He was the epitome of arrogance and idiocy. So, of course a take like that would come from someone who called themselves antinous_apologist.

Chapter Text

“How's your book coming along?”, Maisie asked, stabbing her fork into the little salad bowl before her.

Theo snorted. 

“How's your little boyfriend coming along?”

His sister rolled her eyes. 

“Stop.”

“You started.”

“So that means you haven't made any progress yet?”, she asked, bringing the fork to her mouth and pausing it right before her lips, waiting for his response.

He shrugged his shoulders. 

“Didn't have the energy to start.”, he muttered.

“I hear you typing like a possessed little hermit though.”, she said.

“Don't tell me you've been standing outside my door, eavesdropping again.” He took a bite of his own salad, grimacing at the taste. The dressing was awful.

“Just making sure you don't...” She hesitated. “...make any bad decisions in there.”

He looked at her.

There was this tiny red tint in her eyes. That subtle shimmer that showed that she was close to crying. 

Jesus Christ.

He took a deep breath. 

“I'm not going to do it, Maisie.”, he assured her, keeping his voice as soft as possible.

He was depressed, yes, but he took care of himself. He had been taking his meds, he had been talking to his therapist...sporadically. He was fine. Fine enough at least to not do anything stupid. Especially not while his sister was around.

“Okay.”, she nodded, choking down those tiny tears that had formed in her eyes to try and hide the seriousness of the topic. “Good.”

Theo leaned forward, pushing his salad aside to truly look at her now. 

“I really won't, Maisie.”, he whispered, softly. Reassuringly.

She sighed and stretched as if trying to downplay the fact that she had almost started to shed tears over this.

“Yes. Got it.” She gave him a weak smile. “I'm still going to keep an eye on you, Teddy.”

“Don't call me that.”, he scoffed, glad about their return to a more lighthearted atmosphere. “And what if I'm jerking off in there?”

“Ew.” She made a vomiting gesture.

Theo laughed. 

“What? That's a possibility. Would you want to listen in on that?”

“Don't be disgusting.”

“I'm just trying to talk some sense into you, dear sister. Would be quite uncomfortable for both of us, soo...”

“Alright, alright”, she snapped, waving her hands before her as if trying to wipe the entire conversation away from her. “I'll stop eavesdropping.”

“Great.”, he grinned.

“And what is it now that you're writing in there now? If it's not your book?”

Ah, yes. His little typing sessions lately... 

“Uni stuff.”, he shrugged.

Maisie raised her eyebrows, slughtly taken aback hy that information. 

“...oh.”, she muttered, not negatively. “Really?”

“Yes, really. What else do you think I'd be writing? Those assignments are piling up like the walls of Troy.” And he didn't even bother to look at any of them. Fuck uni. Fuck these assignments. He would just half-ass them the night before the due date like he had done it the last two years. He was smart. He knew he could do it. He just didn't have the energy to do it properly.

“Well, that's great then. I–”

“Apology accepted. Can I go?” He was already rising from his seat, pushing the little bowl of his barely touched salad gently towards his sister to urge her to eat it instead.

She just sighed. “Fine. Go.”

And before he could close the door to his bedroom behind him, he could still here her mumbling “men.” beneath her breath.

He chuckled at that. 

His poor older sister truly had been dealing with some insufferable guys lately. He was one of them, of course. Which sister could really stand her younger brother? It was practically his duty to get on her nerves. But, even more annoying were the men she went out with. Theo couldn't even remember their names. Some basic ones like Jack and Tom and Brian or something. All idiots that treated her like shit for a few months and then left her for a different woman.

The only guy that seemed at least somewhat okay-ish was the one she had been talking to since January. And that guy even had a recognizable name — Hector. Pretty badass. Unfortunately died during the Trojan war. But still a great character. And from what Theo had heard of his modern day namesake, Maisie's guy was also pretty likable.

He hadn't met him in person. Not yet. Which was fair, because his sister wanted to be totally sure that he wasn't an abusive asshole before inviting him into their home and introducing him to her brother. But Theo kind of hoped that he would pass that test. He would just love to have someone called Hector as his future brother-in-law.

He sat down on his bed, picking up his laptop and turning straight to the tab of the Archive.

560 hits, 7 kodus, 2 bookmarks, 4 comments.

Oh?

He checked the latest comment someone had left, and immediately felt a groan building up in his throat. Not that prick again...

antinous_apologist posted under the last chapter:

Ah, there it is. A very bold choice, having Telemachus whimper behind a pillar and then fumble through a confrontation like a dramatic child playing hero. I stand by my previous comment. But at least your take on him is consistent.

He was fuming. 

Whimper? Dramatic child? Who was this person, some sort of fourteen year old high-school bully trying to criticize his character just for the fun of hating? Probably.

Theo decided not to respond to it.

That commenter was a dramatic child, writing comments like that. People like that might find some joy in trying to bring him and his story down, but that should not stop the author from posting something that was fun. And, after all, there was no such thing as bad publicity, right? Any comment was a good comment.

Also — who knew? Maybe antinous_apologist was just a little dim-witted and needed a more on-the-nose scene so he could see the multi-dimensional character of Telemachus.

Theo hit the 'add chapter' button and started typing. This was about to be his favorite part anyway, and now he would just make the fighting scene between Telemachus and that small group of suitors a little extra delicious with drama, tension, and angst. 

Chapter Text

When he woke up the first thing he did was check his notification on the fanfiction. 

Last night his hits had jumped to a glorious number of 2106. People were enjoying it. 82 of them, to be precise, if the amount of kudos was any indication. And 10 of them even bookmarked his story.

And now, when he refreshed the page, there were a handful of new comments as well. 

His lips morphed into a conspiring grin as he scrolled down on his latest chapter. The readers loved it. Of course they did.

cen7aurslu7 wrote:

the way Telemachus just defeats 12 of those suitors at once? Truly stepping into his father's footsteps. (also guys, I'm so serious — why is it soo attractive to imagine that man covered in sweat and blood? Help)

Someone called odysfirstborndaughter_1998 wrote:

Get these bastards, Tele! Can't wait for the next chapter!!!

Someone called leilaprix2 wrote:

i love how telemachus is such a great mix of brains and brawn. so pleasing to read. kudos to the author!

And then there were even a few comments that discussed their own theories on what they think would happen in the upcoming chapters.

But, what brought Theo the most joy, was that antinous_apologist was nowhere to be found under that newest chapter. Seemed like he had officially gotten rid of a hater by publishing that amazing chapter. 

He opened a new tab, satisfied and a little bit smug, and typed in the URL of his uni's website where Mr. Brooks had posted those lists for the final assignment in his class. Theo really was not in the mood to work on that right now, but he could at least sign up to one of those lists, so that part of the whole thing would be done at least.

When the different groups popped up, most of them were already full. Of course. There were enough people in his class who were totally over-enthusiastic when it came to group works. They wanted to be with their friends and had probably signed up the moment Mr. Brooks' link was posted.

He looked through the lists that still had space for another member. Did he want to work with four other people? Definitely not. Most of the guys in his class seemed fine. But he didn't know them very well. And he didn't want to end up with someone who was as lazy as he was. Or even worse — someone who was just plainly dumb.

One thing they didn't tell you about uni, was that the people there really were not all as smart as you might think they were. Theo had had to learn that the hard way. Not that he was extraordinary in his intelligence. But compared to most of these people, he was at least far above average. 

There was a list with only one name on it. A female name. He didn't recognize it. Probably some loner girl that kept to herself and didn't talk much during class. But women usually were pretty smart and organized, right? And it would maybe just be her and him. Noone else he'd have to worry about. 

Without thinking further he added his name to the list, then switched back to the fanfiction site.

Enough uni for today. Time to focus back on Telemachus. 

It didn't even take ten minutes though until he heard the quiet ping of a notification. And he immediately scrolled down on the page, checking if that fucker antinous_apologist had come back. He had not. 

It was a message on his phone. A text from his new group mate. 

He unlocked his phone and opened the chat. Her number wasn't saved yet, but he didn't bother to check her name again on the list. So he just saved her as 'uni chick'. 

“Saw u on the list. When do u want to start working on the paper?” 

He sighed and started typing a reply. 

“Shouldn't we wait if others might join too?” 

A few seconds passed, the little bubbles, that indicated her texting, moving restlessly. Then:

“Everyone's signed up already??” 

Ah. Oops. 

“Oh OK”, he texted back, feeling just a little stupid. How was he supposed to know whether or not there were people left who hadn't sign up yet? He didn't know like half of the people in that class. Including her. 

“So???”, she texted. 

He rose from his bed exhaling a frustrated breath through his nose, and walked the few steps over to his door, opening it a gap wide. 

“Maisie?”, he yelled outside. 

“Yeah?”, his sister called back from some other room. 

“Is it alright with you if I invite someone over for tomorrow?” 

A short pause. She was thinking. 

“Well... Hector might be coming over tomorrow as well.”

Theo groaned. Two guests at once? Did he have the energy for that? 

“I could make dinner for four, though.”, his sister suggested. 

Alright then, he thought. He'd have to get it over with sooner or later anyway. So maybe meeting Hector and working on the paper with uni chick on the same day would turn out to be a blessing in disguise even. Doing both on the same day? It would be over within twenty-four hours max. 

“Okay, thanks!”, he called back. 

Then he closed his door, hopped back onto his bed and picked up his phone. In the meantime uni chick had sent him a few more passive aggressive question marks, waiting for his reply. Impatient much? 

“Meet up at my place tomorrow?”, he texted. 

She just sent a thumbs-up emoji in response. So he texted her his adress and the code for the front door of their building. 

And then he could finally, finally focus back on his story. He refreshed the page — and a new comment was posted.

antinous_apologist:

Is it just me, or has this author just spent an entire chapter babbling on and on about a scene that could've been described in one sentence? A bit too overcompensating for my taste...

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

Overcompensating?

Overcompensating?

The chapter was perfect. It was well written and showed the complexity of Telemachus' character, and there were plenty enough readers who confirmed that with their comments.

That prick just had to make a sport out of trying to put Theo down. Or...rather trying to put telemachus33 down. 

He cracked his knuckles and hit 'reply', opening the little text box, ready to finally shoot back at that asshole...

Chapter Text

telemachus33:

Thanks for the insight! Though if this chapter felt like babbling, maybe this story’s just aiming a little above your reading level :)

It was childish. It was petty. It was completely beneath him.

But he didn't care. He had posted it anyway. This story was the one thing that brought him through his day, and he would not let some online rando ruin that for him.

He had commented it and then immediately turned off his phone.

That had been yesterday.

Now, he was hanging out with his sister in the kitchen, chopping tomatoes for the pasta sauce she had planned for the dinner with their guests.

His phone was faced down on the table, still turned off. And Maisie? Maisie was pacing up and down the room, big wooden spoon in hand, trying to hide how nervous she was.

“It'll be fine.”, Theo sighed, sliding the cut up tomatoes into a pot with the back of his knife.

“I know it will.”, his sister nodded, her gaze absentmindedly flickering between her watch and the boiling pasta water.

It was quite amusing, really. Maisie was always the personification of confidence. And now this special guy seemed to make her all awkward and helpless. Must've been a good sign, though. At least he hoped so.

“Can you promise me that you'll really be on your best behavior?”, she asked, an almost pleading undertone in her voice.

Theo grinned. 

“If by 'best behavior' you mean punching him square in the face if he dares to be even slightly disrespectful towards you, sure. You've got it, Mae.”

She shot him a lethal glare. But he could feel the little smile hiding behind it. Maisie couldn't truly be expecting him to act any different than usual. She knew him too well for that. No, if she really felt like finally introducing that guy to him, then she was one hundred percent aware of how Theo would act. And she was okay with it.

“Let's change the subject, before you overboil the pasta.”, he laughed, standing up from his seat at the table to take the boiling pot off the stove.

“Right. Good idea.”, she mumbled, running a nervous hand through her hair.

She had spent way too much time on her outfit and those neat, little curls today. In his opinion, a complete waste of time. Men never really noticed those things. He did, of course. Because he was her brother. But usually, men didn't pay enough attention to what a woman's hair or clothes looked like. They all kind of looked the same. Pretty. But not captivating enough to make men notice such details about their looks. “What about your guest? Do you know when they'll arrive?”

He drained the pasta, turning their small kitchen into a cloud of hot air for a moment.

“I'm not sure. But I guess she'll be here at like...noon? Probably.”

The little fog lifted and revealed a dangerous gleam in Maisie's eyes. Her earlier nervousness was suddenly forgotten.

“She?”

Theo rolled his eyes. 

“Don't turn this into one of these matchmaker situations. I don't even really know her.”, he grumbled, putting the pasta back down to add the sauce.

“I won't!”, his sister quickly assured him. “I won't. I promise, I won't. I'll be the cool older sister. No awkward matchmaking from me. No, sir. I swear, I won't embarrass you.”

Just the tone in her voice and that annoying grin on her face that she clearly couldn't push down, were already telling him that this dinner would turn into an absolute nightmare. 

“What's her name?”, she asked, crossing her arms before her chest to truly sell the whole 'cool older sister' act.

He wanted to die. 

Not literally. 

“Uni chick.”, he shrugged. And Maisie pressed out the longest, most frustrated sigh he had ever heard. “What? I told you I don't really know her.”

“You'll have to at least know her name, Theo.”, she scolded. “You can't just invite a girl to come over for dinner without knowing her name.”

“I didn't invite her to come over for dinner. I invited her to work on our uni assignment.”, he argued.

“Yes, but she's staying for dinner, so, that's basically the same.” She ran past him and disappeared into a small boxroom only to come out again a few seconds later with an old, dusty packet of candles.

“What now?”, he sighed.

“Just setting the mood.”, she explained, already unpacking the candles on their dinner table. “Candlelight creates the perfect atmosphere. It'll feel like a cute little double-date.”

“Oh for fucks sake– It's not a date!”

“I know, I know, I know!” She just shoved him gently aside rearranging the cutlery that suddenly seemed to not be perfect enough for her double-date plan.

“Maisie!”

“Come on, I just...” She shoved him aside once more to get to the glasses, switching the ones she had selected before with a set of fancy wine glasses they hadn't used in forever. “I just want to be prepared for whatever scenario might happen.” Her grin was wicked. He hated it.

“Ah, so, should I prepare my bedroom as well, just in case of a scenario where I'll be railing this completely random woman who I've never really met before tonight?”, he huffed, his voice drenched in obvious sarcasm.

“Sure, if you're feeling frisky. I don't judge.”, she smiled, far too enthusiastically. “As long as everyone's consenting!”

“You are officially out of your mind. Be honest with me, did you take some of my meds?”

“Oh, shut up.” She threw a pack of napkins at him that hit his shoulder. “I'm only trying to be supportive here. It's not every day that you invite someone over, especially not girls.”

“Yes, and I'm already starting to regret that I invited her. Thank you.”, he grumbled, throwing the napkins back at her. So much for being the 'cool older sister'. 

“Oh, don't be like that. You know I love you, Teddy.”, she said, putting on her most sardonic voice.

“Yeah, yeah...”

“I said — I love you, Teddy.”, she repeated more firmly now, crossing her arms.

“Alright! I love you, too!”, he groaned, wiping a frustrated hand over his face.

He just prayed that uni chick already had a boyfriend. Or that she would be rude enough to justify kicking her out. Or that she maybe wouldn't show up at all.

Because he definitely would not be able to survive an entire afternoon plus dinner with Maisie acting like that.

Chapter Text

“Come on in”, Maisie said, in that sweet, shy tone that almost sounded like a giggle if she wasn't trying so hard to keep it together.

Theo was sitting on the couch in their small living room area. They had agreed that he should just wait there and act all casual and surprised when she'd bring in Hector. 

And when his sister came through the door, quickly followed by probably the hulkiest, tallest man Theo had ever seen, he really did act surprised. In fact, he didn't even have to act. That man was huge.

“Hi, you must be Theodore. Your sister has told me so much about you.”, the guy greeted him. And his soft smile was such a weird contrast to that whole image of a man that could probably turn him into mush with one single punch.

Theo rose from the couch, nodding slowly, trying to recover from that first-impression shock of Hector the hulk machine.

“Uh, yeah...” He cleared his throat. “Yeah, she's obsessed with me. I'm pretty awesome.” It was meant to sound cool, casual, unimpressed. But it came out in a tone that almost bordered on trembling damsel in distress. Suddenly Maisie's shy little giggles and nervous fidgeting didn't seem as ridiculous anymore... God damn, how had that guy even fit through the door? 

“Hah!”, Hector laughed, like a rumbling thunder. “I already like that guy.” He stretched his massive hand out to shake Theo's and, Jesus Christ, it downright swallowed his tiny fingers. “I'm Hector, nice to meet you.”

Theo swallowed, his voice almost cracking. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Alright. So, what do you boys think about some wine while we wait for Theo's friend?”, Maisie suggested.

Right. It was afternoon already. Uni chick hadn't arrived yet. 

He should probably check his phone for possible messages from her. Maybe she had changed her mind or something had happened. Or maybe she had simply forgotten about their meet-up. Or maybe she was just late. 

“That sounds like an amazing plan.”, Hector smiled.

Thank god he was nice. Theo really did not want to be put into a situation where he'd have to stick to his word and punch that guy square in the face.

“Sure. Just give me a second. I want to check if she's texted me.”, he muttered already grabbing his phone.

He could physically feel Maisie's smile growing wider. 

“That's fine, take your time, Teddy.”, she said. “We'll be in the kitchen.” Then she took Hector's arm and pulled him with her away, giving her brother space and privacy for whatever disgusting thing she thought he would text that girl.

He just rolled his eyes and unlocked his phone. 

There were a few notifications he had missed since he had turned it off last night. The one that sparked his interest the most was the Archive email, texting him that he had received a new comment on his fanfiction. 

He really wanted to read it. But he couldn't. Not right now. He neither had the nerves nor the time to get angry if it was a comment from antinous_apologist. 

So, he left it unchecked for now, and instead opened the chat with uni chick. 

Three new messages from her. The first one shortly after he had turned off his phone. 

“Does 5pm work for you?”

Then half an hour later:

“??? Hello?”

And another two hours later:

“Aight, I'll just stop by. C u at 5”

Oops.

Well, now it was ten past four, so it was pretty perfect that he had chosen this moment to check his messages. His gut had probably felt it.

He thought about texting her back now. But it would probably make things worse than just leaving it unanswered. She would come over anyway.

So, he stuffed his phone into his back pocket, pushing away the remaining subtle urge to check the comment from his story as well, and went to the kitchen to join his sister and Hector the hulk machine. 

Wine was exactly what he needed right now. This evening would be draining every last drop from his social battery, and he would not be able to do this all without a bit of alcohol. 

And as it turned out, Hector was not only the most muscular man he had ever seen in his entire life, but also a big fan of art and a total dog person. Which was perfect. Maisie studied art history, and she had always loved puppies.

“Her name is Coffee.”, Hector explained, showing off pictures of his dog he had taken with his phone. A cute Corgi.

Theo wasn't a big dog person. But he could feel how excited his sister was about these pictures. 

“I've already taken her for a walk once, and let me tell you, Theo — she's an absolute cutie!”

He just chuckled and took another sip of his wine. 

It was nice. Just the three of them chatting a bit, Hector and him getting to know each other a little better, exchanging fun facts and anecdotes. And Theo had to admit... this guy really did seem different than the other men Maisie had been dating so far.

He was big and tough. But he wasn't loud. Or rough. Or hostile. He seemed to be more of a gentle giant. And Theo had noticed that he always looked his sister in the eyes when she was talking. He was paying attention. He was listening. He wasn't just there. He was there for her.

And then, finally, the clock showed a few minutes before five and they heard the door bell to their apartment ring.

Theo quickly stood up and went to open the door. He could hear Maisie giggling behind him, whispering something to her man. But he decided to ignore it. 

He took a deep last breath, straightening his posture, putting all his focus into not saying something idiotic like 'welcome to our humble home, uni chick', and then, he turned the handle and opened the door.

And his calm, collected, practiced smile instantly faded. 

His eyes slowly went higher and higher along the tall body that stood before him now. Dark clothes, black leather jacket, dark brown hair, framing his face in loose curls, eyes like honey,... it was not a girl.

“Uhm...”, he started, standing frozen in the doorway. “Sorry, I'm–” He cleared his throat. Twice. “I mean, you're–”

“Ezra.”, the guy said. And somehow his voice startled Theo even more. Why had he still expected a female voice? He wasn't sure.

“...who?”

“Ezra Baines? From uni?” Now it seemed they were both kind of confused.

Baines was familiar. But Theo would bet all his life savings that the name he had seen on the list was not Ezra. 

“The guy that texted you like three consecutive times yesterday? Yeah. Thanks for that, by the way.”

Theo really wanted to say something. Apologize. Introduce himself. Anything. But all his words felt stuck in his throat. 

“...you are Theodore Knights”, the guy asked, a little hushed now. “Right?”

“Yes.”, he finally pressed out. “Yes, that's me. Theo is fine, though.” 

“Alright, Theo.”, the guy — Ezra — said, his lips twitching up into a crooked smile that revealed a little dimple on the right side of his face. “Can I come in then, or...?”

Theo was just about to embarrass himself with another awkward, stuttered response, when thankfully his blessed sister entered the scene. 

“Oh! What a surprise!”, she beamed, walking up to them and practically pushing her brother against to wall to let Ezra in. “I won't lie, we were totally expecting a girl. But, we are super glad that you're here.” She gestured him to step inside. “I'm Maisie.”

“Don't worry. A common misconception.”, he grinned, following Maisie into the kitchen. Theo was right behind them. Still recovering. “I don't know what Theo might've told you, but uh, you can just call me Ezra.”

There was a slow, quiet moment in which his sister just looked at the guy, scanning his expression with that look on her face that she always wore when she was trying to read Theo's mind. Maybe she could read Ezra's too? 

“Ah.”, she finally said. “I see...” She gave him a semi-subtle wink. “Ezra it is then.” 

And that was it. No more confusion in her eyes. No more questions, about WHY THE HELL there was guy in their apartment, instead of the promised uni chick?

Theo's brain was just giving up on him at this point. He sat down at the dinner table, watching his sister introduce Ezra to Hector and offer him some of the wine that he gladly accepted. 

Well...at least he wouldn't have to go through Maisie's embarrassing matchmaker attitude now. 

Chapter Text

Maybe it was the candles, maybe it was Maisie's grin, maybe it was just this whole situation itself, but the dinner was incredibly awkward. Theo was sitting next to Ezra while his sister and Hector were on the other side of the table, just like Maisie had planned it — if it had been an actual double-date.

They had decided to eat the pasta first and then focus on their uni paper. And Theo didn't mind that at all. That way he'd get it over with as quick as possible with that horrible dinner, and could then just spend the evening writing in silence in his room.

Well, with Ezra being there, too.

“So, how did you come to the decision to go into psychology, Ezra?” Maisie was a hero. She was always the best at making small talk, and filling awkward silences.

Theo felt him shifting beside him, leaning back a little in his seat.

“It's actually kind of a funny story.”, he said. “When I was a child, I wanted to become a policeman. Because, you know how they always tell you that the police protects people? Yeah. Turns out, when you get older you realize that cops fucking suck. So I decided to go to uni and become a therapist and do something that actually does help people.”

Maisie and Hector joined in on the laughter. Theo was the only one that stayed silent, staring at the bowl of food before him.

“You know, Theo here wanted to go into archeology before he applied for psychology.”, his sister explained. 

He changed his mind.

Maisie was no hero.

She was a monster.

A devil.

Satan herself.

“Really?”, Ezra grinned, turning slightly towards him. “You wanted to dig in a hole of dirt?”

“I was interested in ancient Greek culture, and architecture, and art, and stuff...”, Theo muttered, feeling his cheeks growing a bit warm.

“That's a total understatement. He knows everything about ancient Greece and ancient Greek mythology.”, Maisie threw in, still carrying a very excited tone in her voice. “And he even writes his own novel. It's about a group of young adults struggling with their mental health, but it uses references from some of the major myths.”

“Oh?” Ezra's expression changed to one that almost seemed impressed.

Theo rolled his eyes. 

“I haven't even started writing it yet.”

“But it's going to be a bestseller, I'm sure. He showed me some of the scenes he's planned and let me tell you — it's going to be epic.”, Maisie argued, trying to convince Ezra of her brother's literary genius.

“Maisie!”, Theo groaned, sinking a little deeper in his chair.

“What? Can I not be proud of my little brother? I'm just telling the truth.” She gave Ezra a beaming smile. “Really, he's the smartest person I know. Ask him anything about Greek mythology and he'll give you the answer like that.” She snapped her fingers.

Jesus Christ.

Ezra just chuckled. A deep, soft sound. Theo couldn't really identify whether it was mocking or just amused.

“So what made you change your mind then?”, he asked.

“Hm?”, Theo hummed, keeping his eyes stubbornly fixed on his pasta, his ears burning from the embarrassment Maisie was putting him through.

“Why'd you go from Archeology to Psychology?”

Ah. 

Tough question. 

So tough, that it even managed to silence Maisie. Finally. 

He shrugged his shoulders. 

“Just felt like the better choice, I guess.”

And Ezra accepted that for an answer. He gave a slow nod, then let his gaze wander back to the food in front of him and took a bite.

This evening was awful.

But the rest of the dinner went relatively okay-ish. Maisie had shifted her attention back to Hector, and Ezra was nodding along every few minutes when one of them said something insightful or funny. And Theo? He was silently cursing everything and everyone, keeping his mouth stuffed with pasta as best as he could, so they wouldn't get the idea to include him in their conversations again.

He was glad when it all was over, when Maisie and Hector rose from their seats and announced that they would take care of the dishes, and when he could return to his bedroom despite having to let Ezra tag along.

He offered him a seat at his desk, while he himself just sat down on his bed, and grabbed his laptop, switching from the Archive tab he had left open to a new tab.

“Listen.” Ezra was the first to break the short silence between them. “I don't really think we need to turn this into a whole masterpiece. So I'd say we just split the topic fifty-fifty and then half-ass this shit well enough to pass.”

Well. That sounded like a good plan, actually. 

“If I can do the first part.”

“Fine by me. I suck at introductions anyway.”, Ezra said, tugging his lips into one those smiles again that showed off his dimple. He pulled his own laptop out of the backpack he had brought and opened it on his lap. “So, I'll cover everything from slide fourty-three to eighty-four?” Theo nodded. “Do we want to just have a shared document? Would probably make things easier.”

“Sure, why not.”

So he sent him a link to a google document and they started adding the first bullet points of their individual parts.

While they were writing, Theo couldn't help but glance over the edge of his screen at him. The way his hair fell into his face while he was typing. The way the light of his screen illuminated his face. The way he seemed so focused that he probably didn't even notice how his nose was slightly twitching.

Theo didn't really have the energy to work on his part. So he just typed in some unnecessary sentences and edited them over and over again.

“Why'd you change your name?”, he eventually blurted out.

It had to be asked. And if Maisie couldn't do it, then he had to. 

Ezra blinked a few times, taken aback by the sudden question, then looked up from his screen to throw a curious glance at Theo.

“Why do you think?”, he smiled, tilting his head a bit.

Theo just shrugged. He really didn't know. 

And Ezra let out an amused hum. 

“Using a more masculine name makes it harder for people to see me as a girl.”, he explained, eyes fixed on Theo, paying close attention to his reaction.

The wheels were spinning. Slowly, but surely. 

And then something clicked in his brain.

“Wait”, he muttered. “Are– are you a...”

Ezra quirked an eyebrow at that.

“Am I a what?”

Silence. 

The type of silence that made it painfully obvious that whatever Theo would come up with now would definitely not be what he had originally meant to say.

His eyes flickered around the room in panic, stopping at one of the paintings on his wall that Maisie had gifted him. It showed Odysseus and his crew on the island Aeaea. 

“Uhm”, he struggled. “Are you a... fan of Greek mythology, too?”

Ezra chuckled and focused his gaze back on the document on his screen. 

“Very much so, actually. Yes.”

Thank god.

This could've ended incredibly uncomfortable. But it made sense now why he had changed his name... And Theo wasn't turning insane like he had worried. He had invited a girl. She just happened to be...not a girl anymore? Or was he still a girl? In one way or another?

He caught himself staring at the area that was so unfortunately covered by the laptop Ezra kept on his lap. Did he have a—

He quickly shook his head. That was not an appropriate thing to ask someone. Right? Ezra's hypothetical dick was none of his business. 

“You struggle a little with punctuation, huh?” 

His eyes shot back up to Ezra's face. 

“What?” 

The guy just grinned at him. 

“Your writing.”, he clarified. “Seems like you're allergic to commas and em dashes.”

“Oh.” What was he even supposed to say to that? He looked at the sentences he had typed so far. Weak work. “Sorry.”

Ezra laughed. 

“Don't worry about it, mate.”, he assured him. “Just a few tiny mistakes. I can just correct them if you want.”

“No”, Theo quickly declined. “No, I will fix it myself later. I'm just...” He gestured vaguely with his hand through the air. “I don't know. Unable to properly focus right now.”

“Oh, do you want to finish this at another time then?”, Ezra asked, exchanging his grin with slightly furrowed brows. “There's still a week left until we have to hand it in. We could totally just work on our separate parts individually and then check if we've got everything covered before sending it to Mr. Brooks.”

Theo sighed, already closing his laptop.

“Yeah.”, he muttered. “That might be a good idea...”

Ezra closed his as well and then shoved it into his backpack, so roughly that it made Theo flinch a bit. Hopefully that poor thing didn't get any scratches from how his brutal owner was treating it. 

“Like I said, I'm totally fine with barely passing that class. So don't stress yourself out over this.”, he assured him.

Theo didn't say anything in response. 

He wished it was the stress, and not, like, depression.

Fuck, maybe he should really call his psychiatrist about these meds...

He brought Ezra to the door, strategically avoiding getting too close to Maisie and her man, so he wouldn't have to go through another scene of her embarrassing him. It was already humiliating enough how he couldn't even sit through one productive study session. But at least Ezra seemed to be cool about that.

“Tell your sister the dinner was great.”, he whispered at the door, apparently noticing exactly how Theo was trying to sneak him out.

Theo grinned. 

“It was mostly my work, but sure, I'll let her know anyway.”, he whispered back.

Ezra let out a low whistle, raising an impressed eyebrow.

“Really? Got to come over again some time then if you promise to conjure up a meal like that again.”

“Sure, maybe.” Not in a million years. “I'll let you know.”

Then he gave an awkward wave goodbye and closed the door between them.

Chapter Text

antinous_apologist:

Is it just me, or has this author just spent an entire chapter babbling on and on about a scene that could've been described in one sentence? A bit too overcompensating for my taste...

> telemachus33:

Thanks for the insight! Though if this chapter felt like babbling, maybe this story’s just aiming a little above your reading level :)

>> antinous_apologist:

No — thank you, author. :) If I ever need a Thesaurus that tells me absolutely nothing, I know where to look now!

Theo was sitting cross-legged on his bed, aggressively chewing on a piece of gum that had already lost its flavor, writing the newest chapter of his story as if his life depended on it.

He didn't let it bother him. One person spreading negativity in his comments meant nothing. He was still a good author. And his story was still fun to write and to read.

He wasn't writing Telemachus as some bland character. It just was a slow-paced arc. Written in a style that was meant to create suspense and tension and emotion. And the readers loved it. All of them. Except for that one fucker, of course.

But whatever. He didn't care. He already had an idea in mind on how he would create even more tension in this next chapter.

A villain.

And who would make a better villain for a Telemachus fanfiction than the man himself — Antinous of Ithaca.

He would write him as the perfect enemy to the main character. He would make his readers hate him so much, the little antinous_apologist won't be able to handle it.

He was typing away, fully focused on the scene of Telemachus leaving the suitor's he had defeated behind to move to the great hall where he could eavesdrop on Antinous, the head of the evil scheme regarding his mother Penelope.

It was amazing, if he could say so himself.

Antinous was already a canonically bad guy, but he wanted to add an even better flavor. In his story he wouldn't just be a plain and pretty idiotic rapist and murderer, no, he would be the type of guy that was strategic in his violence. He would use psychological warfare. He would be smart. And yet rugged. And enormously condescending, just to add a little extra sprinkle, so it would be even more satisfying when it would come to the scene of Telemachus eventually shooting an arrow through his chest. Or his face. Or maybe both. Theo wasn't sure yet. But it would happen. And it would be delicious.

He decided to leave the chapter on a little cliffhanger just to really prove his point — that he wasn't a boring writer. Antinous was in the middle of his monologue, chanting to a few other suitors, while Telemachus was among those suitors, hidden in plain sight, disguised like his father had been in the original myth. They were just about to set things into motion and storm off to get to his mother. But his readers would have to wait for the next chapter to get to that part.

He clicked the upload button with a proud little grin on his face and then refreshed the page to see if his numbers had changed.

4032 hits, 105 kudos, 12 bookmarks. And the same amount of comments as before. His readership was growing.

There was a knock on the door and before he could even open his mouth to say something, Maisie's head was already poking into his room.

“Do you guys want some 7pm apple slices?”, she whispered, as if talking quietly would make her less there. “Oh.” She looked around the room, fully entering now. “Where's your friend?”

Theo closed his laptop and put it aside.

“He left.”, he shrugged. “Like an hour ago.”

“Without saying goodbye?” She turned her lips into the most dramatic pout.

“Well, he said something about the food and how he didn't like it, so...”

“But that wasn't all my fault!”

“And I tried to tell him that. I said, Ezra, my sister was only responsible for salting the pasta water, everything else was my work. But he just said exactly, he said, the pasta tasted way too salty. He hated it, Maisie, he absolutely hated it.”

His sister rolled her eyes. 

“Oh shut up now I know that he didn't say that.”

“He did.”, Theo nodded, barely containing his laughter. “Heard it with my own ears.”

“You're not funny.”, she claimed, crossing her arms. “You could've at least let me say goodbye to him.”

He shook his head, slowly recovering from his own joke. 

“You've already embarrassed me enough during dinner.”

She gasped.

“I was not embarrassing you! I was just telling him what a great person you are, and it totally worked. Did you notice how fascinated he was by your novel?”

“I haven't written it yet, Maisie.”, he sighed, burying his face in his hands.

“Well, he still was fascinated.”, she said, raising her chin a little, as if she had achieved something great. “Did you text him to ask if he got home safe?”

He peeked through his fingers, shooting her a long glance. 

“We're not in kindergarten. Of course he got home safe, he's an adult.”

“Oh my god”, she sighed in disbelief. “Text him. Right now.”

“No.”

“Right now, Teddy.”

“I don't want to. That's weird.”

She stepped towards him, grabbed his phone and shoved it into his hand. 

“It's not 'weird' for men to be empathetic and caring. I raised you better than to think like that, Theodore Knights. Now go and text him.”

He groaned but did as she commanded. 

“Ask him if he got home safe and tell him that we were very happy to have him here, and that he's welcome to stop by again whenever he wants.”, she dictated.

“No he's not. I don't want some guy walking in and out of this apartment whenever he pleases.”, he grumbled under his breath, while typing a message for Ezra. Fuck, this was childish... “And speaking of, what about your guy? Is he still here?”

“Hector? Oh, no, I just sent him home.”

He looked up from his phone. 

“What? Really?” 

She nodded. 

“Why?”

She sighed, letting her gaze wander off to some random point on the wall. 

“I told him that I didn't want him to sleep over.”

“But why? He seemed like a pretty nice guy.”

A short quiet. Then she just shrugged and muttered: “They usually do.”

He looked at her, his face slowly growing softer.

What he would give to beat up every guy that had ever done her wrong... 

“Maisie, I–” 

“Did you send that text?”, she asked, shoving the topic aside. And he let her do it. There was no sense in forcing her to talk about something she didn't want to talk about. 

He turned his phone and showed her the message he had sent to 'uni chick'. 

“Today was so much fun, we were all so happy to have you as our guest. And by the way, I really hope you didn't die on your way back to your place.”, she read out loud, before throwing a cold glare at her younger brother. “You know what? It's at least something.”

He huffed an amused breath through his nose and just sent it. It didn't really matter. He probably wasn't going to see that guy in person again anyway. 

“I bet you five bucks that he won't even reply.”, he grinned.

“Deal.”, she said with a suspiciously triumphant wink, before turning on her heels and strutting towards the door. 

“Hey, Maisie.”, he said before she could disappear from his room. 

“Hm?” 

“...can I still have some of those 7pm apple slices?”

Chapter Text

The comment section was flooded with reactions to the villain he had planted into his story. Everyone seemed to have their own love-and-hate relationship with Antinous, mentioning how disgustingly captivating his monologue was, or how excited they were to see Telemachus fight him.

And to his surprise there also were a bunch of comments from people who were head over heels for Antinous instead of hating him.

cen7aurslu7 had commented:

y'all know telemachus is my man, but hear me out — ANTINOUS.

Like. What is it about toxic villains that makes them so hot??

He chuckled when he read that. Some people really just had weird tastes.

And under that was a user named suz_anne001 who had commented:

I am ON MY KNEES for Antinous! Please, I need him and Telemachus breathless, rolling in the dirt in the next chapter!

And he would deliver. He would have them fighting till death. And, of course, Telemachus would be the one winning.

There were a few other comments like those, but he skipped past them, scrolling further down, looking for the one that he knew had to be somewhere in there too. And he found him.

Almost at the bottom of the comment section, antinous_apologist had written:

How original of the author to use Antinous as the bad guy. A truly groundbreaking move that unfortunately makes it so painfully obvious how desperate the author is for us to clap for his one-dimensional protagonist.

Theo scoffed and stuffed another piece of apple in his mouth. His fingers were already rushing over the keyboard, typing a reply.

> telemachus33:

Hi! So actually, yes, “The Prince of Ithaca” just so happens to be centered around the prince of Ithaca. Glad you caught that. But please feel free to clap for whomever you want. Even if it's the canonically bad guy.

He hit 'post' and then immediately went to refresh the page.

Multiple times.

He knew that prick was online. He knew he was reading his reply. He could feel it in his blood. Go on, he thought to himself, try and be smarter than me, asshole.

A new comment popped up. 

>> antinous_apologist:

It's quite interesting to see how quickly you default to "canon" when your interpretation gets questioned, my dear author... Maybe you could just try to give Telemachus a little more personality and a little less main character syndrom, instead?

Theo took another piece of apple. Slightly missed his mouth. Chewed on it like he was trying to sharpen his teeth to go and bite that commenter's ear off.

>>> telemachus33:

Main character syndrom? In his own story? My apologies for not making him a black cloaked villain with a tragic backstory and a badly hidden inferiority complex, I guess.

Did that guy even have any understanding of how characters and narratives work? Maybe Theo's story really was aiming above his reading level.

He refreshed the page. Again and again, like he was trying to beat a high-score. Then:

>>>> antinous_apologist:

Pleased to see we can agree that well-written villains are the more interesting characters. Oh, and by the way—maybe read up on the difference between an em dash and a hyphen <3

Fuck him.

He closed his laptop. 

There were no apple slices left. 

But it had gotten pretty late anyway. The clock showed half past eleven, and he had another online class tomorrow. So, it was time to choke down the rest of the water in the glass on his bedside table and go to sleep.

He sighed and put the glass to his lips, downing it in one go. 

Somewhere on his blanket he saw his phone screen light up through the corner of his eyes. He put the glass aside and grabbed it. 

A message from uni chick. 

“Great, now I owe Maisie five bucks...”, he cursed to himself, unlocking the screen to check what Ezra had responded. 

“How sweet, tell Maisie I said thx” 

He quietly laughed at that. Thankfully it seemed to have been obvious enough that the corny message had not been his idea. 

Then another text popped up and his breath hitched for a second. 

A picture. 

He hesitated, just for a moment, before clicking on it, switching to full-screen view.

It showed Ezra, leaned back against what he assumed was the headrest of his bed, smiling lazily into the camera. His hair was slightly disheveled, his eyes half-lidded, the only light source being some bedside lamp or something, that turned the colors of his face, hair and clothes a hint warmer.

Theo stared at it for a solid minute, feeling a strange flutter in his stomach, before he could bring himself to minimize it and type a response. 

“What's that?”

The three little bubbles popped up, indicating Ezra's typing.

“Thought she might want proof that I didn't get eaten by a monster omw home”

He felt his lips twitching up into a little grin. He typed a response, deleted it, retyped it again. Then took a quick deep breath before sending it.

“hmm could be an older pic sent by the monster tho”

The three bubbles appeared, and quickly disappeared again. 

A few seconds passed in which Theo just sat in his bed, staring at an unchanging chat. Waiting.

Then another picture popped up.

He subconsciously bit down on his lip, letting a little giggle escape. Fuck, okay, he had to stay cool, it really wasn't that funny.

The picture showed Ezra again, leaning over on his bed this time, to show the little digital clock on his bedside table that showed the present time and date. His face was a bit more illuminated now, being closer to the lamp, and his lazy grin was a little wider, showing off his dimple.

“OK?”

Theo swallowed down another giggle then typed back:

“yeah i think that'll do. see you in class tomorrow”

He waited for him to reply, and once he got that little “C u” he turned his phone off, put it aside, and snuggled beneath his blanket.

It took him a long while to fall asleep that night, eventhough the day had been more than exhausting. But when he finally did doze off, it was at least a surprisingly restful, calm sleep.

Chapter Text

He joined the online classroom and immediately sighed.

Mrs. Prettson was already pointing at something on her slides, blabbering on about her topics in the most monotonous voice.

She was a young woman, who had just started teaching at their uni. He got why she needed to be extra strict and disciplinary — to gain the respect of her students. But it made the whole class just a little bit too exhausting.

He had already missed the first ten minutes. He could've joined earlier, but his body had just been too tired to click that damn button. Everything felt especially slow and heavy today.

Mrs. Prettson kept explaining her input, while he grabbed his little med container and picked out today's dose. He didn't wash it down with any water. He was too tired to get up and refill the glass he had emptied last night. But that didn't matter. He was used to taking his meds like that.

He shifted a little on his bed, getting more comfortable, letting his eyes wander almost subconsciously over the different small windows on his laptop screen that showed the other people in his class. His gaze stopped when he found Ezra.

Huh. 

How had he never noticed him in his classes before?

Well, probably because he hadn't been paying attention to any of his other colleagues either...

Ezra sat at his desk, wearing a red hoodie and his hair tugged into a loose half-up bun, his eyes carrying a little shadow beneath them. He probably had just crawled out of bed as well. And he wasn't focused on Mrs. Prettson either. Instead he was looking down at the phone in his hands, typing. 

Theo's phone lit up.

A new message. 

He grabbed it and unlocked the screen.

Uni chick. 

“R u skipping class??” 

He chuckled weakly at the text, then glanced over at the video of Ezra. His eyes were narrowed, flickering between his phone and laptop, trying to find the window that showed Theo.

It didn't exist. 

Mrs. Prettson was also one of the teachers that had more or less accepted that Theo joined her class without turning his camera on. 

He received another message from Ezra. 

“?????” 

Ah. He had almost forgotten how impatient that guy could be when it came to texting. 

“No, I'm here. Just don't have my camera on.”

He hit 'send' then watched Ezra again.

He checked the reply Theo had sent him then grew a faint smile on his lips and started searching more urgently for his video.

It was almost hilarious to watch it.

His expression relaxed a bit once he had found the little black field with Theo's name and profile picture and then he quickly looked back down on his phone.

Theo did the same. 

“Y??”

“Cause my room's messy and I look like shit”

Ezra threw a quick eye roll at his camera, probably knowing damn well Theo would see it and know it was aimed at him.

“I've seen ur room. It's not that messy. N u probably don't look like shit either.”

Theo didn't know what to respond to that. So he just left it unanswered. He switched his gaze back to Ezra's video, watching him flickering between his phone and laptop again, a tiny fold between his brows now.

And then, all of the sudden, his video turned black.

Mrs. Prettson paused her speech.

“Mr. Baines, is there a reason why you have turned your camera off?”, she asked loudly into her microphone.

Theo automatically sank a little more into the mattress beneath him. Her voice was harsh. 

Ezra turned on his mic. 

“Yes. My camera is broken, actually.”

Mrs. Prettson quirked an unamused eyebrow and leaned closer towards her own camera, sending a lethal glare to all her students. 

“It was working just fine a second ago. Turn it back on now, or leave my class.”

“Knights doesn't have it turned on either.”

Theo sank even lower on his mattress. What an absolute asshole.

“Enough. This isn't preschool. Mr. Baines, Mr. Knights. I want your cameras on in ten seconds or I will remove you from this call.”

Now, why didn't that sound as threatening as it should? Leaving class early was always a win. At least for Theo. 

He watched and waited for Ezra to turn his camera back on.

But it didn't happen.

That idiot was waiting for him to do it first.

“Both of you. Camera on. Now.”

He quickly grabbed his phone and started typing a message, but Ezra was faster. 

“;)”

Oh. Alright. So he truly was an absolute asshole. 

“Don't make me count down–”

He quickly turned on his camera. And then Ezra did the same. Not even two seconds later.

“Good.”, Mrs. Prettson coldly spoke. “Now, if you would save your obstreperous, childish behavior for your free time from now on — we could move on with this class.”

They both nodded at their camera. 

Jesus Christ. 

He was sitting in bed, still wearing the same shirt he had worn yesterday, his hair probably a complete mess. Maybe he even had a stain of dried saliva on his chin or something.

Ezra was smiling into the camera, obviously addressing him with that victorious grin.

He just looked down on his phone and started typing. 

“You almost got yourself removed from the call.”

And now they both had to have their cameras on. It was stupid. 

Ezra checked his phone.

“if i have to suffer, u have to suffer too”

Theo just sighed at that, then looked straight into his camera and used his middle finger to very casually scratch his cheek. 

And Ezra laughed. 

The kind of laugh that he could feel even through the screen, just from the way his eyes slightly squinted and how his chest and shoulders shook a little from the sound. It was probably the most joyous and warm laugh out there. And he wished he could hear it.

He pushed away the funny feeling in his stomach, and ran a hand through his hair, hoping to make it look at least somewhat presentable. Then he added a second window on his laptop screen, and openened their shared google document with the paper they had to write for Mr. Brooks.

If he had to have his camera on and really sit before his laptop for the entirety of this class, he might as well try to get some work done.

Most of the text was still just Ezra's work. He had already written seven of the thirty pages they had to do. Or seven out of fifteen, actually, since they had decided to part it fifty-fifty.

Only the short paragraph at the top was Theo's input so far. There were a few yellow marks in there, indicating that someone had left notes on his sentences. 

Not someone. Ezra. 

He clicked on one of them, to see the note he had left. 

'U could use a semicolon here instead ;)'

Ah.

He clicked on another one.

'great sentence!! but it had a typo—i corrected it'

He smiled at that. 

Another one. 

'"Furthermore"? cute'

...so he had corrected his part after all. Or at least proofread it. Though, of course, there hadn't been much to proofread yet anyway.

He quickly fixed everything Ezra had marked in his paragraph, and then took a deep breath, readying himself to really his part of the paper. 

He had one week to finish this. It wasn't a lot. Seven pages. Completely doable. He just had to focus, and write those damn words.

His phone lit up.

Uni chick.

“U look constipated”

Fuck. His camera was on. Everyone could see him and his probably more than just a little frustrated face. 

Or maybe he just meant to say that Theo looked like shit in general. 

“Sorry.”, he texted back. 

“R u OK?”

“Yeah. Just my empty pages on the paper for Mr. Brooks lol. They're haunting me.”

The three bubbles popped up. 

He watched Ezra typing, his eyes fixed on his phone, his lips pressed to a thin line, his brows furrowed in focus.

Then he looked back at their chat when his message arrived. 

“want some help??”

He couldn't fight the little smile forming on his face.

He could do this on his own. He knew he could. He had written endless papers before. This one wasn't any different. He just maybe needed a bit of support. A bit of encouragement. Just maybe someone who could fix his lazy typos and his punctuation, so he would only have to focus on the contents of his writing. And Ezra seemed very much smart enough to do that. Plus they already had a shared document. So why not?

“Just a little help maybe. Yeah.”

He looked up into his camera at the same time as Ezra, getting one of his dimple-smiles and a thumbs-up. He could feel his cheeks growing a little warmer.

Then he got another text. 

“class is over at 6. C u at 7?”

His heart stopped mid-beat.

See him at seven? As in, he'd be coming over at seven?

The fuzzy warmth in his cheeks turned into a stinging heat.

That wasn't exactly what he had had in mind in terms of Ezra helping him. He had thought that he would just jump over into their document and make a few more yellow marks, maybe leave a few encouraging words, maybe help him type out some sentences — not that he'd be coming over again.

He started panicking. 

A second message from Ezra. 

“do u want me to bring snacks?”

And quickly after, a third one.

“or r u gonna cook for me again? YUMMY"

His head started reeling. 

Fuck. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

It wasn't that he didn't want him to come over. But... it kind of was.

Yesterday had been one hell of a mess, with Maisie being an absolutely not cool older sister, and him being just his usual socially helpless case. What if he created one of those awkward silences again? Or if he stared at Ezra's hypothetical dick again?

Shit, he was not ready to have him coming over again.

He stared blankly at the laptop screen, locking eyes with Ezra via their cameras. He wore that smile — that fucking smile — and Theo almost acted out of pure instinct, nodding his head, ever so slightly.

And he could see his honey-brown eyes lighting up at that nod, taking it for what it accidentally seemed to be.

A yes.

Fuck.

Chapter Text

He had one hour. 

One hour. 

To take a shower, cook dinner, and emotionally prepare himself for Ezra's visit. And he didn't have the energy to do any of those things.

Maisie was away for at least another two hours. She was spending the day going on a hike with Hector and his dog. Apparently Coffee had a little 'weight problem' and needed more exercise. Which would be fine if it didn't mean that his sister had to be away for an entire day, leaving him and his non-existent social skills alone at home.

He turned over on his mattress and basically let himself drop off the bed with a groan, then lied there on the floor for a few minutes, staring up at his bedroom ceiling. One hour. He had to hurry.

He forced himself to stand up, huffing out another suffering groan, then dragged his feet over to his closet, opening it, to take out a set of fresh clothes.

Shower first. Then dinner. And the emotional preparation would just have to happen during those two tasks.

He made it to the bathroom, and tried to undress himself as fast as possible — which in his case meant something close to slow motion.

The cold water stung on his skin, but at least it also energized him a little bit. And he felt clean. Clean enough to have someone see him in person.

Dinner was a bigger issue.

They didn't have many groceries at home. Usually he would've just skipped eating or ordered some fast food. But he kind of didn't want to not cook for them when Ezra was coming over. If everything went horrible, then they would at least have good food.

He looked through the cabinets, into the fridge, searching every corner for something edible, something that might even impress his guest a little.

He pulled out a pan and a bowl, and started mixing a few ingredients he could find together. Sugar. Flour. Some butter, some milk. An egg. One of those small baking powder packs. A pinch of salt. 

Then the door bell rang. 

He looked at the time. Five past seven.

Fuck.

Alright. It was just Ezra. Just a colleague from uni. Just someone to help him with their paper. No big deal. 

His knees really didn't need to be trembling like that.

He wiped his hands clean, then wandered towards the door, every beat of his heart pulsing like a kettle drum through his ears. 

One deep breath — and he opened it. 

Ezra grinned his usual carefree grin, sending him a little wink with his honey eyes, taking off his leather jacket, and dropping his backpack onto the floor in the small entrance space.

“Hey there, stranger. Long time no see.”

A breath of relief went over Theo's lips.

Ah, yes.

It was just Ezra. 

“Yeah, well”, he smiled, letting him in. “I wish that was true. Still don't know why you felt the need to make me turn my camera on in Mrs. Prettson's class.”

He wasn't really mad. Just a bit, maybe. And he didn't want Ezra thinking that he could pull a stunt like that again. God, especially not in Mr. Brooks' class... He would never be able to hold himself back from rolling his eyes for so long.

“I told you. If I have to suffer, you have to suffer with me.”, Ezra shrugged, following him into the kitchen. “Plus, if I hadn't been able to see your pretty face, I wouldn't have gotten myself invited to come over now. And that smells amazing. What are we making?”

He leaned against the counter, watching Theo finish his job with the mixer, hopefully not noticing the blush creeping up his neck. 

Alright, keep it cool, Theodore. 

“Pancakes.” Very manly food. Goddammit...

“For dinner? I love it.”

Theo watched him through the corner of his eyes, how he casually pushed himself off the counter. He could feel him circling him like a curious cat, coming to a halt behind him, peeking over his shoulder.

“I didn't really have anything at home, so... yeah, pancakes it is.”, Theo explained, trying not to let the proximity of his face hovering so close over his shoulder, throw him off. 

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale–

“That's totally fine, man. I can already tell, they're going to be delicious.”, Ezra assured him. “Can I help?”

Exhale.

Inhale.

“Uh...” Theo poured the first portion into the pan, silently cursing his hand for being so shaky. He wasn't used to someone watching him this closely while he was cooking. Maisie normally just rambled on about how her day was or what music she'd lately been listening to or what new art projects she had in mind. Ezra was watching. And standing far too close behind him, too. “I think I'm good, thanks. You, uhm” He gestured vaguely with his hand to one of the cabinets on the other side of the kitchen. “You could pick out two plates for us, though.”

He felt him nod, a strand of his hair brushing ever so slightly against his ear. 

“On it, chef.”, he said, before following Theo's command and walking to the cupboard. 

Exhaaaale.

Thank god. Space. Air. 

He flipped the pancake, relieved to find that it actually turned out quite good. Sometimes the first one looked awful, but this one really was presentable.

“Is it going to be just the two of us?”, Ezra asked, setting the table.

“Yeah, Maisie is out with Hector.”

“The huge muscleman from yesterday?”

Theo laughed, putting the first pancake aside and pouring the next one directly after. 

“Yes. That one, precisely.”

Ezra gave a low hum, and even without looking at him, he could feel the grin he was wearing.

“I wonder how often he goes to the gym.”, he mused. “No offense to your sister, but she looks tiny next to that guy.”

Theo turned half around to face him.

“Right?” he chuckled, flipping the second pancake. “And so far she's always had more interest in nerds or, like, guys that are more lanky or cuddly and less... hunky.”

“Hah, yeah, I get that.”, Ezra grinned.

“Absolutely. Me personally? I would probably be too terrified to even think about dating a guy like that. I mean — you should've seen me when she introduced us.”

He mimicked the horrified face he had made when he had first seen Hector the hulk machine. And he and Ezra both immediately bursted out laughing.

“Yeah, that's exactly the face you made when you first saw me, too.”

“Stop!”, Theo gasped, his cheeks growing red, dying of both laughter and embarrassment. “That is not true!”

Ezra was holding his stomach, trying not to hyperventilate, taking great entertainment in Theo's humiliation.

“It's a little bit true.”, he breathlessly laughed, letting himself drop onto one of the chairs at the dinner table. “But it's fine”, he sighed, trying to compose himself. “trust me, I've had worse reactions. And, I'm sure it was just because I'm so dashingly handsome, right?” He wiggled his eyebrows.

Theo turned his eyes back towards the pancakes, starting with the third one now.

“Mhmm”, he hummed. “Sure.” The blush on his cheeks remained. “But, hey, I'm still happy for her of course.”

“For your sister?”

“Yeah.”, he nodded. “I mean, he seems pretty nice, and she's absolutely in love with him. So... yeah. I'm glad she's found someone like him.”

“They do look very happy together.”, Ezra agreed.

Theo finished another three pancakes, then showed his guest the stack.

“Do you want to eat these in my room?”, he asked. “We could work on the paper while eating.” Not that he was particularly thrilled about fighting for his life on that damn assignment already, but that way they would at least get it done sooner.

Ezra shrugged. “Sure.”

He collected what he had set on the table so far into his arms and waited for Theo to turn off the stove and guide him to his bedroom. 

Chapter Text

“Scoot over.”

Theo looked up at him from where he had laid down on his bed, half-lying, half-sitting, with his laptop placed on his thighs and his plate of pancakes by his side.

“...what?”

“Come on. I might not be Hector, but I'm not that tiny either.”

He sat down on the edge of the mattress, waiting for him to make room. And Theo almost dropped off the other side of the bed, as he scooted over. It was big enough for two people. But not quite big enough to lie side by side without having their shoulders pressed together.

“Uhm–”

“So what's the issue exactly?”, Ezra asked, taking a bite of his pancake, apparently not taking any note of their proximity.

Well, the first issue that came to his mind, was how damn dizzy his head suddenly felt, actually. But whatever... 

Theo opened the paper. If he wasn't bothered by how close they were, then why should he be? Right? He just wasn't used to guests being in his bed.

Or his room.

Or his apartment.

“I don't know, I'm just... not good at writing long texts when I don't have any motivation to do so.”, he sighed with an awkward smile, setting the cursor behind the last word he had written of his part so far.

Through the corner of his eyes he saw Ezra leaning a little forward, furrowing his brows in focus while munching on his pancake like a cute hamster. He had to hold back a grin at that view.

“Mh, I see.”, Ezra mumbled.“But what you've written so far really is pretty good. Oh, and you've already fixed the few punctuation mistakes I've marked.” He threw a little grin at Theo, causing the dizziness in his head to intensify, then looked back at the paper. “I'd suggest you just copy the text off the slides for a start. Then you can just shorten and adjust it until it doesn't look like Mr. Brooks' disgusting input anymore.”

They both chuckled. His input really was disgusting. 

He opened the slides and copy-pasted the part he had to cover onto their document. The whole thing went over twenty-five pages. He had to shorten it to fifteen. And adjust it so it would look like an original work...

“Urgh”, he sighed.

“We've got this.”, Ezra softly said, nodding towards the text. “Look, Mr. Brooks has that thing were he always adds a bunch of unnecessary words to the end of his sentences. Probably to compensate for his lack of eloquence if you ask me. But you can just erase those, and I'm sure we'll already be down to like twenty pages.”

Hopefully.

Theo started at the top and just began picking out the unnecessary words, sentence after sentence. It truly seemed like Mr. Brooks had a thing for those... But he couldn't quite judge him. As ever-lovely antinous_apologist had so nicely pointed out, he seemed to have a thing for long, overly detailed sentences as well.

He felt Ezra relaxing back a bit, while he worked through the text. He was still enjoying his pancakes, spreading one of his arms out behind Theo. Not touching him, but placing it above his pillow in a way that would practically hug him if he dared to lean back now. So, he sat up a little straighter, taking one of his own pancakes from his plate, in an attempt at making his move seem more natural.

“You've missed an em dash there.”, Ezra mumbled.

“Hm? Ah, yeah. Thanks, man.” He quickly fixed it, and Ezra gave a low hum of approval.

“No problem. That's what i'm here for.”

It was quiet for a while, with only the restless, nervous tapping of keys and the subtle chewing sounds of them both sounding through the air. Then, a thought popped into Theo's mind. 

“So, uh, what even is the difference between an em dash and a hyphen exactly?”, he sheepishly asked.

He felt silly for not knowing, but now that he had an expert by his side — quite literally — he kind of had to use that to his advantage in his little feud against antinous_apologist. He could use them perfectly correct in his next chapter, and look out for any unnecessary words in his sentences, and then... then that prick wouldn't have such an easy time looking for things to hate about his story anymore.

Ezra swallowed down the piece he had just been chewing on and gave a thinking hum, shifting ever so slightly on the bed, his arm faintly brushing against Theo's back. Just for second, but enough to make him flinch at the little spark burning the skin beneath his shirt there. Ezra didn't seem to notice.

“You can use em dashes to indicate a pause in your text flow, or to set off intrasentence interpolations. So, if you have something to say within an already existing sentence, you'd use those.”, He explained. Theo nodded along. “And when you have compound words or need to divide a word at the end of a line you use a hyphen.”

Again.

His arm brushed his back again.

But this time it stayed there, gently, barely nestling against the loose fabric of Theo's shirt.

“Right”, he nearly croaked. “Thanks.” Yes. Right. Em dashes. Hyphens. His whole body felt frozen. And yet so unsettlingly warm.

“For example”, Ezra said, leaning forward, his hand gently holding onto Theo's side as if needing it for support. “Here you could use em dashes. Would make the structure of the sentence cleaner, you know?” With his free hand he pointed at a passage in the text. 

Theo just nodded. 

Hand gripping his side.

Hand gripping his side.

Hand gripping his side!

The fact alone felt like a mantra echoing in his head. He couldn't focus on the paper. 

“But you've been doing great so far, so don't stress about that. We can have a look at it and fix it later.”, Ezra assured him, leaning back down, finally releasing his grip on him. Thank fucking god. But his arm snuggled around his back remained.

Alright. Focus.

“It's, uh–”, he mumbled, while shuffling a few inches forward on his mattress, creating more space between him and his arm. Ezra quirked a quizzical brow. “Sorry, it's– it's just really warm.” His gaze was stubbornly fixed on the paper, while he prayed to god that the little tremble in his voice was only audible to himself.

“Oh.”, Ezra said. “Should I open the window?”

Theo shook his head. 

“No, it's fine. It's probably just the body heat.”

“Ah, okay.”

Some quiet rustling and shifting — then Ezra had his hoodie pulled over his head, revealing the black bandshirt he was wearing underneath.

“Better?” He threw the hoodie to the foot end of the bed.

Theo pressed his lips tightly together, giving the faintest of forced nods. “M-hm.”

“Good. Then come back here, so I can see what you're writing.”

With one quick, gentle move he pulled Theo back the few inches he had shuffled away, causing his cheeks to turn warm at how effortlessly he manhandled him. And now, Ezra really kept his arm snuggled around his back, his hand softly holding his side, as if he was scared he could try to run away again.

“Okay.”, Theo nodded, his voice coming out a pitch higher than intended. And then he mentally ordered his shaky fingers to resume their typing. Because what else was he supposed to do?

Chapter Text

It had been three hours since Maisie should've come back home from her date. Three hours, in which the fog in Theo's mind had densed up into a heavy cloud, making it impossible to properly think.

He sat there on his mattress, listening to him trying to talk to him, but the words didn't really get through to his ears. All he could tell was that he was yelling. Loudly. Desperately.

“Where the fuck is she, Ted?”

He flinched at the sound of the little snowglobe crashing onto the floor, shattering into a million pieces. Maisie had gotten it for him, from her internship abroad last winter.

“Stop crying and tell me–”, he yelled for what felt like the hundredth time, leaning towards Theo, until his face was so close that his eyes were burning through the fog, piercing him with that cold, blue stare. “–where your whore of a sister is!”

“I don't know”, he managed to sob, his voice cracking towards the end.

“How can you not know!”, he yelled, taking another one of the things on Theo's shelf and smashing it against the wall this time, breaking it in the blink of an eye. The handmade mug mum had gifted him for christmas. “You're her brother! You want to tell me her brother doesn't know where the fuck she is?” He grabbed him by his collar, forcing him to get up from the bed. “Are you slow? Are you a slow fucking child with no brain?” Theo just let the tears roll out. “And how are you going to make it to the fifth grade if you can't even answer a simple fucking question, huh? How are you going to be a grown man some day if you can't even tell me where your own damn sister is?”

He didn't know. He really didn't know. 

He knew she was out with some guy named Patrick who was twenty-two. She'd told him how great it was to be dating an older guy. They were more mature. And had their own car and their own money.

But she hadn't told him where they'd be going to today. And he hadn't asked. He had forgotten to ask. Again.

“Go and find her then!”, he yelled, already shoving him towards the door of his room. “Since you couldn't even keep your eyes on her...!”

His naked foot slid over one of the shards from the crashed snow globed, causing a cut in his heel. The blood ran directly onto his rug, drenching it in a disgustingly red color.

“What– You can't even watch where you're fucking stepping? Get the fuck out!” He pushed him out the room. “Get me your sister!”

He tasted the salty mix of tears and snot on his tongue, the fog around him growing darker, thicker, just like the one in his mind. Until it was heavy enough to make him stumbled, and break down onto the floor.

“Hey, Theo...”

He felt the cloud pressing down on him, circling him, suffocating him, offering a strange sense of comfort. 

“Theo...”

He exhaled a slow hum, nuzzling his cheek against the warmth. 

He knew that voice. 

“...Ezra?”, he mumbled, still half-dreaming, refusing to let go.

“You feel asleep”, Ezra mumbled back.

“Mmmh sorry...”

The fog around him slowly started to lift, the room faintly vibrating with Ezra's soft, low chuckle.

“Are you comfortable?”

Theo gave an affirmative hum.

He could feel the slow rising and sinking of his chest beneath him, could hear the rhythmic beat of his heart, just a tiny bit accelerated, could sense the warmth of his hand, resting carefully on his back, could hear the slight grin in his voice, could feel the–

His eyes snapped wide open. 

“Sorry!” He practically pushed himself off him, rolling back to 'his' side of the bed. “Sorry! I- sorry!” His heart felt like it was jumping out his ribcage.

Had he fallen asleep mid-writing? Had he just cuddled himself against his chest?

How long had he been out?

“It's fine, it's fine, you're good”, Ezra assured him, dropping his hand from his side while Theo saved the empty plates he had almost shot off the bed and onto the floor with his panicked reaction. “I think your sister's home.”

Theo felt the color draining from his face. Maisie.

He wanted to sigh in relief. Then, he wanted to die.

But he couldn't even begin to react before the all too familiar steps approached, and the next thing he knew, the door got yanked open.

“Teddy, you won't believe how many steps I tracked today. Call me Paula Radcliff the way I–” She stopped in the middle of the room, eyes blinking a few times as of she had to adjust to a new lighting. “Oh, hiii Ezra!” Her grin turned as inauspicious as ever.

Ezra lifted his hand, giving her a semi-awkward wave that he easily saved with his naturally charming smile.

“Hi Maisie.”

“What did I tell you about just storming into my room? We talked about this!”, Theo interjected their pleasantries, his face running hot. After his nightmare, he would have loved be relieved about seeing her here, but the circumstances really weren't doing her any favors.

“No, we talked about me eavesdropping outside your door in case you're jerking off.”

He gasped out an indignant huff, unable to pronounce the curses he wanted to throw at her in that moment.

Oh, what he would give to go right back to sleep instead of having to sit in this bed, this devil in form of a sister humiliating him in front of his friend, after having snuggled himself onto said friend's chest, probably drooling all over his shirt.

“Anyway, what are you guys up to?” She stepped a bit closer, trying to sneak a glance at his laptop screen. Theo closed it shut.

“Uni work. Get out.”

Ezra put a soothing hand on his shoulder, instantly reigniting that strange heat on his skin. 

“I was just helping Theo out with our paper.”, he calmly explained. “But uhm... I guess we should probably call it a day. It's pretty late, and I think we could both use some sleep.” He was looking at Maisie while he said it, but Theo could see the hint of a smirk on his lips at those last words. God, why had he fallen asleep...

This was a horror movie come true.

“Did you get everything done?”, his sister asked.

Did they? Theo couldn't really remember how far they'd come before he had dozed off.

“No, but it's alright.”, Ezra said, slowly rising from the bed, taking his soothing hand away with him. “We can meet another time to finish it.”

“Or we could just finish it individually.”, Theo threw in, his heartbeat still not having calmed down.

“Or you could meet another time to finish it.”, Maisie repeated Ezra's suggestion. And her brother sent her a deadly glare.

He just wanted this to end already. Please!

“I'll see you to the door.”, he grumbled, climbing off the bed and signaling Ezra to follow him.

Away from Maisie. Away from that bed. Away from everything. This day had to end!

He waited patiently at the door for Ezra to exchange his goodbyes with his sister, wearing his casual, unbothered dimple-grin. And when he finally joined him at the exit, Theo did an excellent job avoiding any form of eye contact.

What a great thing to know that the last thing Ezra'd have in mind about their study session was Theo clinging onto him like a sleeping koala. Or maybe it even was him jerking off, thanks to Maisie's sapient input. 

“Thanks for the pancakes, and... well, just for everything.”, Ezra said. “I had fun.”

Theo forced a smile. “Yeah, I bet.”

He chuckled.

“No, really. I had fun. It was a nice evening.”

“Mhm”, Theo hummed, unconvinced. “Sorry for my sister.”

“Not an issue. Maisie's great.”

He wasn't so sure about that.

“And, uhm, sorry again for...”, he added a bit quieter, gesturing awkwardly at his chest. At least he couldn't see any salive spots there.

Ezra tilted his head, his grin slightly widening.

“Not an issue either.”

Then they stood helplessly before each other. Theo on one side of the door's threshold, Ezra on the other, the silence between them stretching on, Maisie probably hovering somewhere close by, too, with her nebby attitude.

Theo raised his eyes, finally actually meeting Ezra's gaze again, catching that subtle glint in them. His stomach made a strange turn. Fuck. Maybe there had been something wrong with the pancakes.

He cleared his throat. “Okay. Bye.” Then just closed the door.

Phew.

Chapter Text

“Did you really have to say that?” He threw a half-hearted glare at Maisie, while crawling back onto his bed.

“What?”, she chuckled. “You mean about our jerking-off-conversation?”

“Don't call it that.”, he cringed. 

It had been funny at the time they were actually having that conversation. And, well, it would kind of still be funny now. But not with Ezra being part of the conversation.

“Relax, Theo.” She paced the room, her hands clasped behind her back, her chin slightly raised. “That was a test.”

Oh for fucks sake–

“A test?”

He could already feel himself regretting having asked.

Maisie nodded. 

“You see, my sweet, little brother, with my test I have probably gathered more valuable information about that man in under two minutes than you have during your entire study session today.”

He rolled his eyes. 

“Please. Enlighten me.”

“First of all, I know now how he handles uncomfortable situations. How he deals with second-hand embarrassment.”, she explained, having that insufferably pretentious tone in her voice.

“What is that even supposed to mean...?”, he sighed to himself, getting comfortable under his blanket. The bed was still warm, still carrying Ezra's scent.

“Secondly, I have seen whether or not he'd join me in my evilness and make fun of you, in which case, by the way, I would've kicked his ass out of this apartment so fast.”, she went on. “Or if he'd rather care about your comfort.”

He decided to just let her finish her little speech. That was probably for the best.

“And third and most importantly, I have seen how he deals with your reaction.” She gave a little bow, obviously waiting for some sort of praise or applause.

Theo didn't give her either. 

“And did he pass your stupid test then?”, he grumbled.

How fun to be humiliated by one's own sister, just because she wants to put their guest through some weird trial. Really.

And that woman was twenty-five. Not some kid with strange ideas. Twenty-five.

Maisie gave a proud little nod. 

“He did quite well, yes.”

“Oh, great. I was really worried.”, he sarcastically muttered.

She just shrugged.

“I do apologize for interrupting your little cuddle-time, though.”

“What do you– There was no cuddling!”, he protested. “We were studying! Working on our paper!”

Maisie quirked an amused eyebrow, crossing her arms before her chest in a way that just screamed that she did not believe him.

But he was telling the truth.

“Why would we even cuddle? That's ridiculous! We're two grown men, not some frightened little girls watching a horror movie or something.”, he argued, crossing his arms as well, though, in a more petulant way.

“Two men can cuddle, too.”, she said opinionatedly.

“Yeah, fine, okay. But we didn't.”

“Alright”, she said. “If you say so.”

Of course she had to had to play that card.

He wasn't insecure about his masculinity. Yes, men could be soft and expressive about their emotions.

But and he and Ezra hadn't cuddled. He hadn't even really snuggled onto him. His chest just happened to be there. And his bed just was so damn small...

It had been an accident. 

Nothing worth mentioning. 

“Ngk”, he grumbled. “So how was your day then, Paula Radcliff?”

Her face lit up.

“Ah, funny you should ask.” And then she went on a thirteen minutes long monologue about how amazing the weather had been during her hike with Hector and Coffee. How beautiful the view really was, and how Theo definitely should come along next time. Apparently there was even a hut at the end of their route that offered an archery beginners course. “We didn't try it, because I said 'No, we'll have to bring Teddy and do it together next time'.”

He furrowed his brows. 

“Why would I want to try archery?” Not that he didn't appreciate her thinking of him. But he wasn't a big sports guy.

“Artemis does Archery, doesn't she? And Odysseus. Bow and arrow. I thought, it could fun for you, too.”, she explained.

Alright. That was actually quite thoughtful...

Dammit, he really loved his annoying sister.

“Maybe we could all go for your birthday?”, she suggested, putting on a terribly not-convincing smile.

Ah, right. His birthday was approaching.

“With Hector and Coffee?”

He wasn't afraid of dogs. He just...had a lot of respect for them. He was more of a cat person.

“I promise, once you've met her, you'll love her just as much as I do. She's such a cute little thing. Really!”

“Like you've promised to be a cool older sister?”, he reminded her. Because that did definitely not happen.

She chuckled.

“Joke's on you, I am always a cool older sister.”

“I'll believe it when I see it.”

She grabbed one of his pillows and threw it at him. 

“It'll be fun!”, she claimed. “A sunny hike. And archery! With your favorite sister, and Hector, and Coffee. And we could invite Finneas and Anya, too. And Ezra, of course.”

“I haven't seen Finn and Anya since high school.”, he huffed in confusion. “And please stop turning Ezra into this big thing. We're not friends. We've hung out twice.”

“All I'm hearing is, you need to reconnect with your old high school friends, and you need more quality time with Ezra.” No? “I'll go make a reservation at the hut for the third of march. Six people, and the sweetest puppy on planet earth.”

“Urghhh, why can't we just order pizza and watch night at the museum like the last years?” He had loved that. Night at the museum was fun. Pizza was fun. No other people was fun.

“Becauseee”, she said, already making her way towards the door. “I love you and I love watching your smile whenever we do something Greek mythology related. So. Archery it is.”

He rolled his eyes.

Fine.

...archery did sound okay.

“Oh, and–” She paused right before the door, smiling in feigned friendliness. “I think your not-friend left this here.” She lifted a red bundle off the foot end of Theo's bed.

Shit. 

He had pushed Ezra so hurriedly out of their apartment that he'd forgotten to take his hoodie with him.

“Don't forget to ask him if he got home safe again.” She put the hoodie back down, then left, singing: “And don't forget to invite him to your birthday!”

Fuck.

Shit.

Alright.

No big deal.

It wasn't his fault that he'd left his hoodie, right? He hadn't stolen it. He hadn't even wanted him to take it off in the first place!

He grabbed his phone, unlocked it, and opened his chat with uni chick. 

His fingers danced over the little keyboard, unsure of what to write. 

'It's me again. Yeah. The awkward em dash guy with the way too plain-spoken sister. Hope you got home safe. I've got your hoodie. If you want it back you'll have to come to my birthday party. Yeah. The birthday party for the grown guy turning twenty-one. Yeah, that one.'

Jesus Christ.

Why had Maisie had to barge in like that? If she had just knocked like a normal person, he wouldn't have any issues now. No forgotten hoodie. No anxious feelings at the thought of seeing Ezra again.

He forced his brain to formulate a more normal message. Something that'd sound a least kind of nice and casual.

“Did you get home safe?” 

Did that sound nice?

He deleted it. 

“Hope you made it home safely!” 

Alright. And maybe he should have the police sending someone over to make sure he truly survived his journey, too? God, this was awful. 

Delete.

“Hope there were no hungry monsters outside tonight.”

Funny.

No. 

He sighed, deleting the message yet again, and typed out what he had originally written and just pressed 'send' before any more second-guessing thoughts could pollute his mind.

“Did you get home safe?”

Then he clicked back on his contact list and scrolled down until he found the chat with Anya. 

They had often sat next to each other in class during high school. He wouldn't consider her a close friend, but she probably was the closest thing he had had to one. She had helped him cheat on a few tests when his depression had started to show and he hadn't been able to keep up in class anymore. And she had been the one that had recommended the therapist he was still seeing to this day. Well, sometimes seeing, at least.

He and Anya hadn't texted in years. 

Did he need to make some casual small talk first? Catch up with her, before he could invite her to his birthday?

Did it even matter? She'd probably say no or give him no reply at all anyway.

“Hey Anya, long time no see. Hope you're doing well. I'm having a small party for my birthday this weekend. We're doing archery. Let me know if you want to come. Would love to catch up.”

And then he added a little 'It's Theo btw' and sent it.

He copy-pasted the same message for Finneas, changed the name, and sent that as well.

The two of them hadn't really been close in school either. He had actually always suspected that Finn was only talking to him in hopes of having a chance at a date with his sister. It hadn't bothered him. He was still a rather nice guy. 

So, if Anya and Finneas were really going to end up coming to his birthday-archery-party, it would both be super awkward, but also, maybe, a nice time...

A notification popped up.

A new message from uni chick.

He quickly opened their chat. 

“is this u trying to get another pic?” with one of these smirky face emojis.

Theo felt his cheeks blushing as he typed his response.

“No.”

This had been him trying to start off a conversation that would hopefully give him an opportunity to casually drop in an invitation to his birthday.

The three bubbles. 

Then:

“bummer. had such a perfect one ready to send to u”

The blush on his cheeks intensified.

What did he mean by that?

He hesitated, unsure of what to reply. Send it then, he thought. But he didn't want to say that.

His thumb scrolled higher up in their chat, until he reached the pictures Ezra had sent last time. And his stomach immediately did that little, annoying fluttery thing again.

They were already pretty perfect in his opinion. Just nice pictures of him smiling into the camera.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to see what else that guy could come up with to send to him... But then again, he was kind of curious.

“?”

He only sent that question mark. It wasn't exactly him asking Ezra to send the picture —he didn't want that. But he sort of hoped that maybe it would get the message across.

And it worked.

Theo felt his heart skipping a beat as a new picture popped up in their chat, waiting patiently for it to load. Then he clicked on it to put it into full screen view.

It was a picture of today. 

Of their study session.

Of Theo lying very comfortably on Ezra's chest, practically clinging onto his shirt. And of Ezra smiling up into his phone camera that he held above them, showing a fun little peace sign with the hand he had wrapped half around Theo.

His brain was screaming.

HOW LONG HAD HE ALLOWED HIM TO SLEEP LIKE THAT?

He had probably fought against every single urge to break out into laughter — or tears — forced to helplessly watch in horror how Theo inched closer and closer in his sleep.

Creatures in heaven and hell, someone had to come and get him away from this nightmarish mortal life right now!

Another message popped up.

“couldn't help myself”

EVIDENTLY. 

Theo must've probably suffocated that poor guy.

He started hectically typing a response, at the same time as the three bubbles came up again. And then he and Ezra both sent their texts at the same time:

“I'm so sorry”

Though, Ezra's had a laughing emoji added at the end.

He paused. Then texted:

“Why are you sorry?”

Ezra gave a quick response. 

“no y r YOU sorry?? told u it's not an issue!!”

“It looks like I'm holding you captive.”

“it looks like u were cozy”

It had been pretty cozy... But fuck, why was his face turning so warm?

“want me to delete it? :(”

No. 

“It's fine.”

“:)”

Why did that little smiley face just make him immediately roll his eyes? And why did it make him grin right after?

He turned his phone off and put it away. 

He needed sleep. More than ever apparently.

Chapter Text

He'd been waiting for it the entire morning. Staring at his screen ever since he had uploaded that latest chapter. That perfectly punctuated chapter. The chapter he'd been working on for three hours.

He refreshed the page another time and there it finally was. That damned comment.

antinous_apologist:

It is almost amusing to read how repressed Telemachus seems to be about his emotions. Quite endearing, really. He reads like a little boy who doesn’t know what he wants—even though it’s so obvious to the audience.

But hey—at least the author seems to have read up on what an em dash is. Almost as if he wanted to impress someone...

Arrogant, pretentious bastard. 'Repressed?' Repressed about what exactly?

Theo clicked the reply button without hesitation.

> telemachus33:

Actually, it is almost amusing to read how a commenter thinks "the audience" knows more about Telemachus' wants than the author. But, please—do enlighten me.

He didn't write anything about the em dashes. Because shit, it really must've seemed like Theo had only put more attention to the punctuation in his writing to impress that asshole. And... that kind of was the truth.

He refreshed the page. Again and again. Then:

>> antinous_apologist:

Oh, I think it is pretty obvious what Telemachus wants. But, to quote your own writing:

"It was almost enchanting how Antinous' arms flexed when he thrust his sword towards him, how his eyes burned with a fiery hunger for blood, how his jaw—sharp like it had been crafted by Hephaestus himself—clenched with every heavy breath he took."

If Telemachus weren't as emotionally constipated, their fight could have ended very differently. But I suppose you know that, dear author—given that both Antinous and Telemachus managed to miraculously survive.

...what?

What kind of hate comment was that? First that asshole had criticized him for his 'unnecessary blabbering' and now he quoted one of his more detailed sentences to prove... what exactly?

Someone replied to that last comment. 

>>> cen7aurslu7:

WAS THINKING THE SAME THING!!!! likeee "crafted by Hephaestus himself"?? Girl, I am SO ready for this slow burn arc

Theo hesitated.

He added a new tab on his browser, typed 'slow burn arc' into the search bar and clicked enter. It didn't even take a second until the results popped up. 

“What the...”, he huffed to himself.

He scrolled through the search results.

Did these people mean to imply that Telemachus was developing some sort of romantic feelings? For Antinous? The man who tried to murder him? The guy he had been fighting? The male soldier who was practically his biggest sworn enemy?

He switched back to the tab with the comments and re-read the quote antinous_apologist had used.

No!

He hit the reply button. 

>>> telemachus33:

If you mean to tell me that Telemachus seems to have a secret romantic interest in Antinous, then I am sorry to inform you that you are comically wrong in that assumption.

Not even a minute later he got a reply.

>>>> antinous_apologist:

I am not talking about a secret romantic interest. I am talking about a very obvious, very raw and passionate desire.

But I suppose it does make sense now that Telemachus is written as such a ridiculously repressed man. Authors do have that habit of projecting themselves onto their characters. And this author writes desire like someone who has only ever theorized it.

Theo's mouth fell right open.

“Excuse me?”, he scoffed out loud. He wanted to yell. Or cry.

How had that asshole summoned up the audacity to write that shit? That wasn't even a critique on his writing or his story anymore. That was just some prick using their anonymity to insult an author in the most pathetic and unfunny way.

He refreshed the page. The replies to that last comment were rushing in like a swarm of moths flying toward a flickering lamp.

>>>>> gaia4718m:

did- did that reader just call the author a virgin?

>>>>> suz_anne001:

came for the telemachus ff, stayed for the reader x author battle

>>>>>> gaia4718m:

RIGHT?!

>>>>>> cen7aurslu7:

I'm so glad someone finally SAID IT! (ngl I'm kinda on antinous_apologist 's side here tho, like...... Telemachus isn't even slick about his crush on Anti. i KNOW we've all read that quote correctly)

>>>>>>> gaia4718m:

AGSHAJUDJALAL YES! We're on AO3 babes, we aaaall know what's going on here

>>>>>>>> suz_anne001:

not sure if the author knows– WHAT! WHO SAID THAT?? That's crazyy...

Theo stared at the comment section in disbelief.

Should he respond to those replies?

But what would he even say? That they were all ridiculous for siding with that prick? No. He shouldn't step down to his level.

This was childish. It was petty and embarrassing. 

Embarrassing for antinous_apologist. 

Not embarrassing for him.

He knew that Telemachus wasn't repressed. And he definitely knew that he wasn't repressed or 'someone who had only ever theorized desire'. He heard that prick's words running through his mind in the most annoying voice imaginable.

He wasn't some untouched loser. He knew how to write emotions. He knew how to write desire.

Fucking asshole.

He clicked the 'reply' button and started typing.

>>>>> telemachus33:

Actually, if my story is not to your liking, then I'm sure someone as eloquent and insightful as you is smart enough to write their own version. :)

It was short and snappy. Or, well, completely immature.

But this was his story. And if that person did not enjoy how he was writing it, then they could go and make their own fanfiction about a less 'repressed' Telemachus and Antinous.

He refreshed the page. 

>>>>>> antinous_apologist:

Oh, don’t worry. I’ve written plenty. B ut given the puritanical tone of your writing so far, I’m afraid my versions might not be to your liking either.

Still, feel free to check them out if you ever need inspiration for future Antinous + Telemachus scenes. ;*

Oh?

Theo had clicked on their username, opening their profile before he could've even started to think about what that meant. And indeed — antinous_apologist really had written a few stories about Telemachus and, of course, Antinous.

He scrolled through their titles, reading the short summaries. And the tags. Most of them he couldn't even decipher. 

When he had been more active in the archive, back when had been thirteen, the tags simply showed the most important characters and things that happened in the scenes.

He remembered a Harry Potter fanfiction about Hermione and Ron where the tags simply said that the story included magic, and friendship, and love, and banter. That had basically been it. He had loved it.

These stories? The ones antinous_apologist had uploaded? They were tagged with things he had never even heard about... What was dacryphilia?

He clicked on one of the most popular stories on their profile — just out of curiosity — skimmed over the tags and summary, and then just started reading the first chapter.

If antinous_apologist wanted to act smug, then he was more than willing to check if he really was as great of a writer as he claimed to be.

Chapter Text

“The wolf and its shadow”, he read out loud, a mocking grin on his lips. What kind of title was that? He could already tell this text would be as pretentious as antinous_apologist's comments.

But he kept reading anyway.

It was a quick jump into the story. No slow introduction, no setting the scene — just a whispered dialogue between Telemachus and Antinous, quiet and breathless. As far as he could tell, they were hiding somewhere? But apparently the author didn't consider it necessary to specify where exactly. Or from what.

He chuckled at the back and forth between them. It was ridiculous. Telemachus standing against a wall, talking all whiny and helpless, while Antinous knelt before him, smirking up at him, pressing out one uncreative insult after the other. There was no fighting. No weapons. No clear goal. Theo wasn't even sure how exactly they had ended up in such a situation. Why would Antinous be kneeling before Telemachus? And why would Telemachus be this whiny about it? It was laughably senseless.

He kept reading.

Now they became all touchy. Or, well, Antinous became all touchy. Letting his hand wander from where he knelt at Telemachus' feet, up to his knee and higher to his thigh, underneath the skirt of his tunic. And, as it seemed, Telemachus turned even more pettish at that.

Theo set up a bit more straight in his bed, holding back the chuckle creeping up his throat at that scene. How had antinous_apologist come up with that? It was moronic. Telemachus shivering at the 'softest brush of Antinous' fingers against his inner thigh'? Please. That was a grown man. Kneeling before him. And being insulting.

He kept reading. 

Antinous went “You can scream if you need to. Nobody will hear you anyway. Not from in here.” in a strange, deep voice. — In his head he gave them both funny voices. Just because he could. And because it made this horrible writing a bit more bearable. — And Telemachus' response was: "I won't. I promise I won't, just– just please...” Please what, Theo mentally scoffed. It seemed antinous_apologist didn't know how to finish the sentences of his characters.

Antinous ran his hand along his thigh, higher and higher, lifting his skirt up a bit with the base of his wrist, causing Telemachus to let out a pained sigh. “Maybe I'd want you to scream, though.”, Antinous murmured, his eyes dropping down to what he had just revealed — Telemachus' swollen, hardened dick. “Maybe I'd want to hear your pretty voice crying out my name.”

Theo wanted to laugh at that, but the sound that came out was more of a weak cough. He shifted a little on his bed.

And he kept reading. 

Telemachus bit his lower lip, forcing his eyes to look away, to look at anything but Antinous or his own exposed body. “Look at me.”, Antinous commanded, roughly but gentle. “I want you to watch me.”

Theo furrowed his brows a little, chewing on his inner cheek. 

Telemachus reluctantly brought his gaze back down to Antinous, whimpering as the man opened his lips before him, greedy, hungry, ready.

What would that even look like? Standing pressed against some wall, having a man kneeling before you, opening his mouth for your dick. His hand still resting on your thigh. His eyes probably all wide and watery — at least that was what Theo imagined from the way antinous_apologist was writing that guy. His dark hair maybe a little messy. His cheeks maybe a bit flushed. What color did his eyes have? Theo imagined them brown. Golden. Like honey.

Antinous groaned while he put his lips around Telemachus' hardened dick, causing the prince to suck in a breath at the same time as Theo. “Mhh, you look so helpless...”, Antinous moaned, with his mouth full. “So pretty...”

Theo didn't even notice how his fingers started playing around with his own waistband. His eyes stayed fixed on the text. 

“I-I'm...”, Telemachus whined, his eyes rolling back, knees trembling from the slow, calculated movements of Antinous' lips. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back...and forth. Making sure to let out enough sounds to really torture the young prince.

Theo's breathing grew slower, his inner cheek starting to bleed from how hard he bit down on it. He didn't care.

His hand slipped almost automatically into his pants. Just a little. Just enough to touch, to feel how warm he was there.

“Keep watching me, pretty boy.”, Antinous ordered, working harder, faster, to really torture him. And Telemachus obeyed. Because he wanted it. He wanted that man to wreck him. To finish him. To make him feel...good.

And Theo slowly started to see it. Antinous. Kneeling there, eyes hungry and fierce, mouth restless, his hair probably so soft... He could almost even smell his scent. Hear his voice. Not that funny voice he had tried to give him earlier. No. Now it was a raspy voice. A needy voice. A voice that was talking to him through a crooked smile that formed a small dimple in his cheek.

He tried to keep reading, but his eyes fell shut, his hand reaching fully inside his pants now, touching him there, roughly, eagerly. What would Antinous say to him...? Would he also call him a pretty boy? Tell him to keep watching? Would he hold the eyecontact, glancing up at him with his honey eyes?

He felt his breath coming out in shallow gasps, his heart thumping in his chest, the heat in his lower stomach growing warmer and warmer — when suddenly his mind switched back on, and he yanked his hand out as if he had burned himself on his own dick.

“Fuck”, he cursed, shutting his laptop closed.

What had just happened?

He looked at his hand in horror, than over at his laptop, where he had just read the most ridiculous, senseless, idiotic, worthless, stupid, plotless story of his life. It was badly written. It was completely mischaracterizing both the protagonist and the antagonist. It was– It was–

“Fuck!” He jumped off his bed. 

Antinous was a fictional character, right? He wasn't real. He wasn't an actual man. He wasn't a man at all. Because he was fictional. He was just words. Just imagination. So... he hadn't– He wasn't– There was nothing–

He walked across his room and opened his door with his elbow, feeling weirdly disgusted by his own hand in a way that made him hold it stiffly stretched away from him. 

“...everything alright?”

Maisie popped her head out of her own bedroom, scrutinizing him with a critical look. 

“Yes.”, he hectically nodded. “Just going to take a shower real quick.”

“What's with the hand?”, she asked, watching him awkwardly opening the door to their bathroom.

“Nothing.”

“Wait”, she chuckled. “Were you jerking off?” 

His throat felt suddenly very dry, his voice a little weak, but he still managed to press out a bitter scoff. 

“Ha-ha. The joke's getting old, Maisie. Knock it off.”

And when he disappeared into the bathroom, he was glad that the door was soundproof enough to drown out her quiet laughter. 

Fuck.

He hadn't been jerking off, though.

Not really.

He hadn't even finished.

He hadn't even gotten close to finishing.

His meds had been messing with him for a while now, making him pretty much unable to show any reactions to porn or anything. Maybe this had just been a weird coincidence where all of the built-up tension in him had tried to come out. While reading that horribly written story.

It had been an ancident. A disgusting one. An unrepeatable one.

He pulled his phone out and logged into his Archive account there. 

He needed to fix this. He needed to get rid of this. 

He quickly pulled up antinous_apologist's story, scrolled down to the bottom of that awful chapter, his face still glowing red, and opened the comments.

He ignored all the people that had already left their opinions there, and started typing his own one, his fingers working faster than ever.

telemachus33:

Ah yes. I suppose, if you’re into over-the-top melodrama and gratuitous physicality, then this is the way to go.

Personally, I think it’s more compelling when characters express emotions and tension in ways that don’t involve breathy moaning and “needy gazes” every five seconds, but hey—different authors do tend to project differently, right?

(Also not sure what Antinous asking him to watch was supposed to convey? But each to their own, I guess...)

He just pressed 'send' and then stuffed his phone away, and hopped in the shower. 

Chapter Text

“Soo...” Maisie was sitting across from him at the table, wearing her glasses, which made her look more annoying than usual.

She normally always wore contact lenses but since Hector had given her a healthy dose of confidence, she'd switched back to glasses.

He should be glad about that — that she felt more comfortable with them now. And, well, he was. But it also just ticked him off.

It made her look smarter than she was. 

“So what?”, he grumbled, chewing on his french toast. His hair was still a bit wet from the shower.

“Did you do it?”

He choked on the toast. 

“No–”, he coughed, half-dying. “No, I–” He gasped for air. “I didn't jerk off!”

Maisie watched him suffer, chuckling at his response, and handing him the water jug. 

“I meant your invitations.”

Oh.

“Did you text your friends to invite them to your birthday?”

He refilled his glass with water and washed down the pieces that were still awkwardly stuck in his throat.

Anya and Finneas had actually both replied. And agreed to come. Finn had just sent a 'looking forward to it' and a thumbs-up. And Anya had basically wrote a whole paragraph about how excited she was to catch up and how much she had missed him and how great it had been of him to think of her. He felt kind of bad about it now... Since Maisie had really been the one thinking of her. But whatever. 

“Finn and Anya will come, yeah.”, he nodded, his voice still a bit strained.

She tilted her head and did that little thing where her glasses slid down a bit to reveal her knowing glance even more, making her look extra extra annoying. Urgh.

“I haven't had a chance to ask Ezra yet.”, he said, rolling his eyes. “Didn't fit into our conversation.”

“Oh? What are you two talking about then?”, she asked, sipping her tea.

Well, the last thing they had talked about was how cozy Theo had looked snuggling against his chest. But he obviously couldn't tell her that.

So he shrugged.

“Uni stuff.”

“Mhm.” She didn't believe him. Of course she didn't. 

“I will ask him today, alright? Happy?”, he sighed finishing his toast. “We have online class together anyway.” With Mr. Brooks. That wanker. 

“Yes, happy.”, Maisie grinned. “And tell him I said 'hi'.”

“I won't.” He stood up from his chair and put his dishes away.

“You're a dick.”

“And you're an evil bog witch.”

“I'll take that as a compliment.”

He laughed and left her and her tea and delusions alone there. 

He, of course, wasn't in the mood for uni. He wasn't in the mood for anything. But especially not for Mr. Brooks. 

He jumped onto his bed, opened his laptop and immediately closed the tab he left open with antinous_apologist's fanfiction. And he promised himself to never ever look at that crime of a story again.

Class had already started about fifteen minutes ago. But he didn't feel rushed. The good thing about online classes was that the lecturers weren't competent enough with their computers and the video call platforms. So, he actually only would've needed to be online during the last ten minutes, when they would go through the names and check if everyone was there.

But taking part in at least most of the call was good for his depression. It gave him a purpose and made him feel less useless and incapable. So... yeah. Online classes did have their perks, too. 

He clicked the button to join the call, after making sure his camera and mic were turned off, and then made himself comfortable on his bed, stretching his legs out and leaning his back against the headrest. 

Mr. Brooks was already holding his monotonous monologue, and the other students were silently listening, all semi-secretly busy with other stuff. 

It didn't take him long to spot Ezra among them. Dressed in a black hoodie this time, wearing his hair open and chewing absentmindedly on the back of a pen. He really did look a bit like a hamster when he moved his mouth like that, he thought to himself, grinning at the comparison. 

Oh. And there was still the hoodie issue. 

He leaned forward on his mattress, stretching his arm out as far as he could to grab the red bundle that still was there, at the foot end of his bed. He picked it up and pulled it toward his face.

Yeah. 

That was definitely Ezra's. It totally smelt like him. Like old wood and something sweet. He almost wanted to nuzzle his face into it.

But that would be weird, right?

He checked again if his camera was really off. It was. So, technically, Ezra would never know.

But it would still be weird, right?

He unfolded it and held it into the air. How big even was that guy? He really couldn't tell. He was tall. But how tall? Maybe he should've payed some attention to that, because based off this hoodie, he must've been a lot taller than Theo.

He put it down, before the urge to stuff his face into the fabric could grow stronger. 

His phone lit up and he froze for a second, terrified of his camera having been on after all. He checked again. It still wasn't. 

But in his small corner he could see Ezra waving at him with his dimple smile. Well, he was waving at least. Theo just assumed it would be aimed at him. Hopefully.

He picked up his phone and checked uni chick's message. 

“i can't c u”

He chuckled at that. 

“that's because my camera is turned off, idiot.”

He hesitated for a few moments, unsure of whether or not he really wanted to add that little insult at the end. Maybe Ezra could take offense in it instead of seeing it as a lighthearted joke. 

He just pressed 'send' and then carefully watched Ezra's reaction via his video.

His lips twitched for a second, before the smile he'd been wearing grew a bit wider.

Phew. 

“so u r just gonna make me suffer alone? :(”

Well... he had enjoyed his no-camera-privileges so far, and he wasn't really eager to give them up in Mrs. Prettson's and Mr. Brooks' class.

“You're a big man, you'll be fine. I'm sure.”

A pretty big man even, as it seemed.

Ezra looked at his phone, then straight into his camera, thinking for a few seconds, before starting to take off his hoodie. 

Theo's cheeks immediately flushed. His gaze drifted over to the other students. Most of them were too caught up in their own things to pay any attention to Ezra, but some of them had it written clearly on their faces that they were severely confused by what was going on. 

He put his hoodie aside then rolled up one of his short sleeves to flex his biceps, placed perfectly into the frame of his camera. And adding a smug little grin to really sell it.

Theo wanted to die on the spot and Ezra wasn't even really looking at him.

He was just looking at the camera...knowing damn well Theo was watching him.

Then Ezra rolled his sleeve back down and sent a reply.

“i'm a big man alright ;)"

Theo giggled, feeling the blush on his face growing a bit deeper.

“Wait what did you do? I didn't see”

And his eyes quickly switched back to Ezra's video, his heartbeat turning almost excited now.

He watched him playfully roll his eyes, sending a message that just said “Watch” and then he rolled his sleeve back up, flexing his arm once more, the exaggerated arrogance in his grin weighing even heavier this time.

Theo almost felt the urge to squeal like a teenage girl.

Apparently he liked muscular arms. Maybe he should try going to the gym sometime.

“Mr. Baines, is there anything you would like to add, or are you only here to entertain us with your biceps?”, Mr. Brooks grumpily spoke.

Ezra immediately sank a little deeper in his chair, his grin fading completely. 

“Sorry, sir.”, he mumbled meekly into his mic. “No, nothing to add.”

Theo could barely contain his laughter. 

He grabbed his phone and quickly typed a message to him. 

“Don't worry. I'm pretty sure Mr. Brooks is just jealous. ;)”

He felt kind of proud for using the wink emoji. It matched Ezra's texting style.

“yeah hope u enjoyed the show cuz i'm not doing that again"

So it really had been aimed at him. 

“I think if you keep working on it, you totally have the potential of becoming a second Hector some day.”

He watched Ezra's grin grow back at that.

“nah wouldn't want u to be terrified of me”

He just smiled.

Then sighed.

Ah, yes. He'd almost forgotten...

“Speaking of Hector, by the way—my sister has planned this little party for my birthday with him and some old friends of mine. And she thought it might be nice if you'd come, too.”

He sent it, then nervously watched Ezra read it.

His gaze flickered up into the camera, then back down to his phone, and then he seemed to type his response. 

“does that mean maisie wants me to come to ur party or YOU want me to come to your party??”

He hesitated.

Well. Fuck.

“Both, I guess.”

Did he sound rude? He didn't mean to sound rude.

But he also didn't want to sound as if he was inviting him to his birthday party. He was. But he didn't– Well, he wanted it to sound casual. Cool. Not like 'I want you at my party please come to my party'.

Ezra replied. 

“hmmmmm”

He furrowed his brows at that, looking at his video, eventhough he knew he couldn't see his confusion. 

“?”

“not sure if u truly want me there”

Oh my god. He threw him a glare, again, knowing he couldn't see it. But Ezra put on his biggest, most innocent grin, as if he had felt Theo's reaction.

“Yes, I want you there, idiot.”

Urgh. He was annoying.

“there u go :) when's the party??”

“Saturday. You can just come over at like ten.”

“c u there then”

Chapter Text

When Saturday finally came around, the whole apartment felt like a battlefield. 

Maisie had made it her personal mission to try and give her little brother the best Greek mythology themed birthday party the world had ever seen. She had made sure that every room was decorated, that every snack on her prepared buffet fit the theme and that the cake she had ordered Hector to bake was matching her vision — a chocolate cake in the form of the Trojan horse.

It was adorable. It was perfect. If it weren't for his immense social anxiety, his smile would probably never even come close to leaving his face. But, unfortunately, Theo was who he was. And who he was, was a depressed uni student in his early twenties who valued his privacy and solitude, and who's only actual friend had just always only been Maisie.

And now, his apartment was occupied by other people that he was expected to consider his friends.

Anya and Finn had arrived at pretty much the same time. Not at ten, as planned. But almost an hour earlier. Because — according to them — it would have been a waste to not use as much of this day as possible. Amazing. What a nightmare...

“So, what have you been up to lately?”, Anya asked him. 

They were all kind of cramped together onto the couch — Anya, Theo and Finn — while Hector was sitting on his own chair, admiring Maisie as she braided her hair into something that was meant to resemble the styles she had seen of famous women in Greek mythology on Pinterest. She was even wearing a dress that could almost pass as a peplos. So, yes. She really went all out for this party.

“Not much, really. We've had a lot of uni classes lately. Oh, and I have this book idea, but I haven't even written the first word of it, so... Yeah.”, he shrugged, his shoulders, squashed between his two old friends. “What about you, though? Do you go to law school?” Anya had always wanted to become an attorney when they had been in high school.

She nodded.

“I did! I'll actually graduate this year. I'm really excited, because, you remember, my dad has this huge law firm, and he's already planning to take me in right after graduation.”

“That sounds incredible.”, he smiled. “Really, that's great. I've always known you were the smartest of our class.”

Anya's face faintly flushed at that, and she moved on to tell him everything — everything — about her father's firm, and what exactly she'd be doing there in the future. But Theo was only listening with one ear. The rest of him was focused on the clock at the wall, counting the minutes, skipping a heartbeat whenever the hour hand got a tiny bit closer to ten.

Ezra was the only one who hadn't arrived yet.

He was tapping a hectic rhythm with his fingers against his knee, rather sure about Finneas noticing it, since their legs were basically pressed against each other. But he didn't care. That guy was completely focused on his sister anyway. Apparently his little crush on Maisie hadn't faded since high school.

“Sorry, I'll be right back.”, Theo mumbled, before practically jumping off that small couch and walking off to the bathroom.

He had already taken his meds today. But in their little medicine cabinet, they had that purple spray his therapist had given him a few months ago. Apparently it helped to calm his anxious nerves or prevent panic attacks, because it was said to open up your lungs and help you breath, but, to be honest, he was almost sure that it was merely a placebo. 

He rummaged through the cabinet anyway, and when he found it, he sat down on the side of their bathtub and took a small towel to spray it. It smelled of lavender. Though, not in a flowery way. More in a medical way.

He held it under his nose and breathed it in. Ew. One breath... two breaths... At the third one he could actually start to feel his heartbeat calming down a little. But that was probably just because he had escaped that crowdy space and felt safer in the bathroom right now.

He gave it a few more breaths, then put the towel and spray away. His eyes drifted over to the small clock above the mirror. It was close to ten now. Only a few more minutes left. And he spent them sitting on that bathtub in silence, praying to any god that he would make it through this day without a panic attack or another load of embarrassment.

Fuck, why did he have to be so anxious on his own birthday? It should be a nice time. Everyone was happy to see him. His sister was putting all this effort into making it a great day. And he was feeling like a scared lamb, surrounded by a pack of wolves.

He forced himself to rise, murmuring a few more or less encouraging words to himself and then left the bathroom. Hopefully noone would say anything about how he'd been gone for a solid fifteen minutes...

“There you are!”, Maisie smiled, immediately pulling him back into their living room. “Look who's made it.”

His heart did a little jump at seeing Ezra, standing there among the others, taking off his leather jacket as if he had only just arrived. Alright. No panic.

“Hi.”, he pressed out. God, why did he have to be so awkward now?

Ezra tugged his lips up into his typical grin and — damn — that little dimple kind of really did make him a feel a bit more relaxed.

“Hi there birthday boy. Bring it in.” He pulled him into a tight hug, causing Theo's brain to stop working for a way too long moment. “Maisie just told me we'll go hiking?”

Theo needed a second to recover once he was free from his warm arms and chest again, blinking a few times to regain his brain's functionality.

“Uh, yeah”, he muttered, cheeks flushed.

“In fact, we'll go hiking and shoot some arrows!”, Maisie threw in, already far too excited for Theo's taste. “Like all these Greek heroes and gods!”

“Ah.”, Ezra chuckled.“That explains the hair.” He gestured at her loose braids and Maisie immediately gave a little pose, as if showing off her artwork.

“Do you love it?”, she sang.

“Yeah, it looks amazing.”

“Do you want me to braid yours as well?” Her eyes turned as wide as the sun, a childishly hopeful gleam in them.

Ezra hesitated, contemplating for a moment.

“Sure. Let's do it.”

And just like that Maisie dragged him toward a chair, sat him down and instantly started her work on his hair. His eyes were locked on Theo's, partly amused, partly helpless, as if he was worried he might regret having agreed to that. 

Theo chuckled.

“One will probably be enough, Mae. Otherwise we'll be late for the whole archery thing.”, he argued, earning a mouthed 'thank you' from Ezra in return.

“Fine...”, his sister sighed.

It turned out that the 'nice, beautiful hiking route' Maisie had promised him, was actually an abstract torture device in disguise. With a path that went basically just straight uphill the entire time and was overgrown with thick roots and moss and foliage.

It was sunny, yes, and the weather was extraordinarily good for march, yes. But Theo didn't even have the time to appreciate the magical nature his sister was constantly blabbering about. He was too focused on his legs or lungs not giving up on him.

“Do you want to take another break?”, Ezra asked, walking between him and Anya. The three of them were a few feet behind the other half of the group, since Maisie and Hector turned out to be literal athletes or something and Finneas... well, he had a surprising amount of motivation when it came to staying close to Maisie.

“Fuck off”, Theo hissed through gritted teeth.

Ezra exhaled an amused sound through his nose, trying not to fully laugh at him. This had been the fifth time he had asked. And with good reason. Theo probably sounded like a dying old man.

But he would not take another damn break. This was already humiliating enough.

“I could try to piggyback you the rest of the way.”, Ezra suggested, biting back a grin.

“Fuck off!”

“Hey, I'm just trying to be nice.”, he argued, lifting his hands in surrender.

Theo threw a glare at him, that unfortunately melted the second his eyes met Ezra's. Stupid fucking smile with that stupid fucking dimple...

“So... you're also studying psychology with Theo?”, Anya asked, steering the attention towards her.

Ezra nodded.

The little braid Maisie had given him went surprising well with the rest of his style.

“Yeah. We have most of our classes together.”

“Wow that sounds really nice. And, uhm, so are you also twenty-one then?”

At least Theo didn't have to be involved in that smalltalk.

“Twenty-two, actually. Had to repeat eleventh grade.”, Ezra answered.

“Oh. Bad grades?”

“Nah.” He paused with a strained chuckle, then: “My brother had leukemia, so I skipped a lot of school, to stay at home with him.”

“God, that's awful. And how's your brother now?”

Ezra clicked his tongue, giving her a kind of uncomfortable smile. 

“Uuhh... dead?”, he awkwardly said.

Quiet. 

Now Theo was extra thankful that he had not been involved in that smalltalk.

Anya cleared her throat. 

“I'm so sorry.”, she mumbled. “I shouldn't have asked.”

Ezra gave a dismissive wave.

“It's fine. Don't worry about it.”

Then they walked in silence next to each other for a few minutes, the tension and awkwardness of the moment hanging heavy in the air, making it even harder for Theo to breath correctly.

He was panting like a tortured horse.

He was feeling like a tortured horse.

“Anyway...”, Ezra finally broke the quiet. “Speaking of siblings — why do I get the feeling that Maisie doesn't feel too keen about your friend there?”

Theo looked forward at his sister and how Finneas was pretty much circling her, eventhough Hector was already holding her hand, keeping her close by his side.

“I guess she hasn't expected him to still have that crush on her.”, he said.

Ezra hummed.

“Should we go save her?”

“No need.”, Theo weakly grinned. “Maisie's very much capable of taking care of guys like that. And after all–” He threw a conspiring grin at Ezra. “–she's dating Hector. Not Menelaus.”

They both chuckled at that. 

Only Anya furrowed her brows in slight confusion, mumbling something that sounded like “Who's Menelaus...?”. But she didn't seem to want to ask them.

“So”, Ezra grinned, nudging Theo's side with his elbow. “are you ready to accept my piggyback offer yet?” 

And Theo rolled his eyes.

“Okay. Seriously, fuck off.”

Chapter Text

“You know what the best part about this hike is?”, Maisie cheered, once Theo, Ezra an Anya reached the hut. “That we'll have to walk all the way back after we're done with our fun archery thing here.” Her grin was wicked.

“If you just wanted to get me out into the woods to kill me, you shouldn't have brought so many witnesses.”, Theo grumbled, his face red and his hair sweaty from exhaustion.

“Oh, come now, you know I'm just teasing.”, she sang. “Look, we've already checked in with Jonathan, so let's go shoot some arrows to put a smile back onto your grim face.”

Jonathan?

A pale, slender guy with long, blonde hair came out of the hut, carrying a bunch of bows in his one hand and a quiver with arrows in the other. When he spotted the three new people he gave each of them a warm smile as a greeting.

“You're the birthday kid today?”, he asked Theo. His voice was smooth and soft, as if he had never smoked or screamed in his entire life. And his eyes were a greyish blue that left his own eyes looking like the color of some dirty pondwater. Damn.

“Well... I'm actually twenty-one, so...”, Theo awkwardly smiled back.

“Oh! Yes, of course.”, the guy chuckled. “Sorry, force of habit. We usually only have children groups book our archery range for birthday parties.” Mh. Great. Thanks Maisie. “But hey — happy birthday!”

Theo nodded, pressing his lips to a tight line. “Thanks.”

Then the guy — Jonathan apparently — turned towards the rest of their group and raised his voice a little so they could all hear him. He explained some basic rules they needed to follow when entering the archery range, and how exactly the whole thing was organized. There were six targets, so they would all be able to try the bows and arrows at the same time. But, he needed to instruct them first, one after the other. Because — and he repeated that part at least ten times — those things were real weapons and could cause serious injuries if they wouldn't follow his rules and instructions. They all nodded along.

“But anyway”, Jonathan grinned at the end of his speech, switching to a more casual tone again. “Enough waiting. Let's get you guys started.”

He walked them over to the range.

...and it was amazing.

Theo could feel a genuine flash of excitement sparking up in his mind and chest at the view of those targets. And just the whole area. There weren't even any other people, only the six of them and Jonathan. And with the sun lighting up the site it really looked like a dream.

“You like it?”, Maisie quietly asked beside him, obviously noticing the change in his mood.

He just nodded.

“Good. Only the best for my favorite brother.”, she grinned. And he almost forgave her then for the horrible hike she had forced him through. Almost. “Love you, Teddy.”

“Love you, too, Mae.”

Jonathan stood at the beginning of the white line that marked the area from where they'd be shooting from. Theo had to go first, of course apparently, since it was his birthday.

The others all gathered around a wooden bench from where they could watch Theo getting instructed by Jonathan. He felt insanely exposed with that small audience keeping their eyes on him. And, as he positioned himself onto the place Jonathan showed him, he even felt a sense of nervousness bubbling up in him. What if completely sucked at this? What if he was nothing like Odysseus or Telemachus or Apollo or Artemis? 

His eyes drifted instinctively over to the others, searching for Ezra. He was sitting on the bench, next to Anya, listening to her talk, while simultaneously watching Theo get instructed. When their gazes met, he gave him a small smile, and lifted one his hands into a reassuring thumbs-up.

And to Theo's surprise, it helped.

He took a deep breath. This was fine. It was all fine. He would do fine...

“Don't be scared”, Jonathan assured him. “It's not as difficult as it looks.”

“Not so sure about that.”, Theo muttered. “I'm not exactly the sporty type.”

The guy gave a soft, quiet chuckle at that.

“Are you kidding? You have basically the perfect figure for archery. Tall, lean, long arms, sharp jaw.”

“Sharp jaw?”, Theo laughed.

Jonathan nodded.

“Yeah! Having a sharp jaw actually helps. Serves as a good point of orientation when it comes to drawing your bow. Wait, I'll show you.” He handed Theo one of the bows. “You're right-handed, yes?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. Then you hold the bow with your left hand, like this—” He adjusted Theo's fingers until they were perfectly postioned. “—and you draw it with your right hand. All the way to your jaw.”

“To my jaw?” He doubted that he had enough strength in his arms to reach that far.

“Trust me, you've got this. Keep your elbow a bit higher, and focus on the arm that's stretched out. Your body will know where to use its strength. And keep your eyes forward. Always look at the target.”

Theo tried as best as he could. Fuck, that shit was heavier than expected. His arms already felt as if they were about to snap.

He had put in the arrow the way Jonathan had told them to earlier, and followed his instructions, focusing on his left arm while pulling with his right one. His gaze flickered over to Ezra again, who was now sitting a bit more leaned forward on that bench, his face carrying an almost frowning expression, seemingly very concentrated on Theo and his first attempt at archery.

“Eyes on the target.”, Jonathan quietly ordered.

And Theo followed his command. 

“Elbow a little higher.”

He lifted his elbow a bit more.

“See? It's not that hard to reach your jaw when you focus on the right things.”, Jonathan smiled, hesitantly putting his hand on Theo's stomach. “Is that alright?”

Theo just nodded, too focused to even consider complaining.

“Okay. Then try to breath through your stomach now. Try inhaling against my hand.”

Theo couldn't help the little laugh that slipped out at that command.

Jonathan huffed out an equally amused chuckle.

“It's silly, but believe me, it helps.” He moved his hand from Theo's stomach to his chest. “That way your upper body won't move as much here and your aim will be–”

“I think he gets it!”

Theo's gaze quickly switched over to Ezra.

He stood up from his bench and crossed his arms, tilting his head, smiling in a way that didn't seem as friendly and calm as usual. Actually, it felt almost nothing like a smile at all. More like a well hidden scowl.

Jonathan took his hand off Theo's chest, his own smile slightly wavering while he took a small step back.

“Anyway...” He cleared his throat. “think you're good. Try to shoot.”

Finally!

His arms were close to combusting. 

He refocused his eyes back onto the target, took a deep breath into his stomach, and then let go off the string. 

And he actually hit.

Right into the inner circle.

“That's my brother right there, you SUCKERS!”, Maisie immediately yelled. 

He lowered the bow and turned to look at her, an equally relieved and proud smile growing on his face. His sister was jumping up and down like a fan girl gone crazy. But he didn't mind — he had hit the fucking target! Fuck, this was an incredible feeling.

He looked at Ezra, who was still expressing a slightly confusing mixture of his usual Ezra-typical-smiling and that subtle scowl — a scowl that seemed to be exclusively addressed to Jonathan. But when his eyes met Theo's he quickly turned softer again.

“I'd love to say something nice.”, he grinned. “But now the rest of us will probably look like complete fools next to you, so... get fucked, Theodore Knights.”

Theo chuckled at that, feeling that old, familiar flutter in his stomach. Damn. Archery really did seem to give him an immense rush.

Ezra took up the position next to him on the shooting line, and watched Jonathan as he walked over to help him next. They seemed to have their own little conversation for a moment, solely communicating via ice-cold eye contact.

Theo tried to concentrate on his next arrow, but he just so happened to accidentally fail at clicking it into the little thing on the string.

Multiple times.

So, he kept watching the two of them through the corner of his eyes, fiddling with his arrow.

Ezra took off his jacket to be able to move his arms more freely. Jonathan handed him a bow, then started to instruct him about how to hold and draw it.

“No intention of teaching me your great breathing technique?”, Ezra asked, staring him down while he lifted the bow.

Jonathan muttered a response, but Theo couldn't quite hear it. His mind was suddenly strangely focused on how broad Ezra's shoulders looked in that position, how easily he held that string by his jaw, how his arm muscles tensed as he held and drew the bow, just like they had when he had flexed them during his silly little performance in class. Thank god he had taken that jacket off...

And when Jonathan gave him the okay to let go and shoot the arrow, his eyes still stayed fixed on Ezra, not bothering to check whether or not he had hit.

He just sucked in a subtle breath at the way Ezra's body relaxed at the release of the arrow, almost catching himself biting his lip at the view, but luckily a high whistle pulled him out of his weird little trance.

He quickly turned his gaze toward the source of the sound.

Anya.

Who was sitting with a perfectly straight back, and a way too enthusiastic smile on that bench, looking at Ezra as if she'd been wandering through a desert and he was the first sight of rain. 

It was a strange feeling. And... not a comfortable one. 

He had to force himself to finally focus back on his own bow. This time he actually put in the arrow and pulled back the bowstring. Was he jealous? He aimed at the target. No way. His arms felt heavy, his chest unwelcomely tight. He and Anya were friends. He didn't have any interest in her...right? His eyes narrowed, keeping the target in his gaze. He didn't care that she was looking at Ezra. Why would he? He had looked at him, too. Though...not in the way that Anya, had looked at him — practically drooling at the view of him shooting that arrow. Poor woman.

He let go of the string.

The arrow hit the center of the target again.

“Hey, good job.”, Jonathan smiled from a few feet away, having moved on to the next person to instruct. Anya.

Theo tried to subtly watch Ezra, just to check if he was looking at her, too–

And he almost choked on his own saliva. 

“Wooo, Ezra's giving us a private strip tease! I love it!”, Maisie yelled, clapping in amusing excitement.

It probably wasn't appropriate to stare, but Theo couldn't help himself. Apparently Ezra really had a habit of showing off his body whenever he could. Not that he complained. But it did have an annoyingly distracting effect.

He had taken his shirt off, revealing his entire upper body, his broad shoulders, his big arms, his stomach, his chest, with two thin scars reaching across his ribs, and dropped it mindlessly somewhere on the ground in an almost...spiteful manner?

“Aren't you cold?”, he could hear Jonathan ask him.

“Do I look cold?”

And then, Ezra turned his face — just ever so slightly, just enough so Theo could see his eyes — and gave him the subtlest and yet cockiest wink he had ever been confronted with.

Theo's entire head went crimson red. He quickly looked away, acting as if he'd been focused on his bow all along. 

He could hear Anya giggle from where she was standing, probably ogling him like a poor, hopelessly lovestruck fool. But he couldn't check whether or not his assumption was correct. He'd have to look in the direction Ezra was standing. And he'd just decided for himself to never look in that direction again.

Arrows. Bow. Target. Those were the only things that were occupying his mind. Everything else needed to go. Right now. He was focused. Completely focused.

Chapter Text

“Did you have fun?”

Theo exchanged a quick smile with him as he handed the bow and arrows back. 

“Yeah.”, he nodded. “Yeah, it was actually pretty amazing.”

“Glad to hear that.”, Jonathan said. They stood before each other for a moment, but before Theo could turn to leave, he started to speak again. “So, actually” He pulled out a small card from the pocket of his pants. “If you're interested in trying it again in a more adventurous setting... I offer these private courses for an archery trail with 3D-targets.” He handed him the card. “You have a real talent for it. Could be fun.”

Theo felt a spark of pride in his chest at that. He did have a real talent for it. More than half of his arrows had hit the center and the rest of them got pretty close. That had probably also been due to Jonathan's thorough help — but that didn't stop him from being a bit smug about his success today.

“Thanks! I'll definitely consider it.”, he said.

Then he felt an arm snaking around his shoulders, the hauntingly familiar smell of old wood and something sweet — maybe it was vanilla? —creeping into his nose. His heartbeat seemed to fail for a good few seconds. 

“What have you got there?”, Ezra asked, nosily trying see what the card said that Jonathan had given him.

Theo just handed it to him, ignoring the heat that burned on his shoulders, where his arm casually rested. Was he still shirtless? He dared a subtle side-glance. He wasn't.

Thank god.

“It's, uh”, he started, his voice suddenly a bit weaker than before. Alright. He needed to calm down. “It's his card. In case I want to come back and shoot some more arrows.”

Ezra gave it back to him, along with a soft smile. 

“Aw, that's really nice.” Then he threw a quick glance at Jonathan. “Like, really, really nice.”

Jonathan's cheeks turned slightly pink, his eyes darting down to the floor. 

“Are you ready to start our journey back then? I think Maisie and the others are waiting.”, Ezra asked, already practically guiding him away from Jonathan and back to the group with the arm around his shoulders.

Theo wouldn't have even been able to show any resistance. Ezra truly was a bit too skilled in manhandling him. But, in fact, he was almost glad about him guiding him, because his knees literally felt like jelly at that moment. 

“Okay.”, he croaked.

Once they were out of sight for Jonathan, Ezra slowly dropped his arm again. And Theo finally exhaled all the air he had kept in over those last two minutes.

“I guess I can finally tell you now that you were pretty great back there.”, he quietly grinned, looking at Theo beside him.

“Thanks.”, he grinned back — a grin that was smug and...just a little bit flustered.

“Are you thinking of actually coming back sometime? I mean, especially now that you've got a personal invitation from that guy...”

Theo thought about it.

It had been a really nice time. He had enjoyed it a lot. And he truly seemed to be good at this.

“I don't know. Maybe?”, he shrugged.

Ezra gave a slow nod, seemingly contemplating something in his mind. Then he lowered his voice a little, making their conversation feel a bit more...private?

“Well, I'm sure he would love to see you again.”

Theo furrowed his brows, giving him a side long glance. 

“Jonathan?”

“Or whatever his name is.”

He chuckled.

“Yeah, it's Jonathan.” He looked at him while they were walking beside each other, slowly catching up with Maisie and the rest. “He seems like he really knows his stuff, don't you think?”

Ezra snorted at that. 

“He definitely does, yeah.”

“I wonder how long he's been training to get that good. With all those little tips and tricks, you know?”, Theo mused.

“Mhm.”

“Probably took him ages...”

“You do know that he was like, totally hitting on you though. Right?”, Ezra abruptly asked, looking at him with a quirked eyebrow.

Theo met his gaze, his face slightly heating up.

What?

“What?”

“The way he was looking at you.”, he explained with a faint, almost forceful smile. “And him getting all touchy and giggly, I mean...” He rolled his eyes. “And then he gives you his card?”

Theo's hand instinctively went to his pocket where he had put the card. 

“...what?” His mind was completely short circuiting.

“Theo, he gave you his card. With his number.”

He blinked a few times, unable to fully respond. Again — what?

“Ah”, he simply said, his face growing increasingly warmer.

Ezra's lips twitched up into an amused smile now, his head tilting a little as he kept watching Theo's reaction. 

“You really didn't notice?”, he chuckled.

“I...” Theo swallowed. Of course he hadn't noticed. Why would he notice that? He wasn't interested in Jonathan. “I mean, I– I'm not a...” He shook his head. God, this was humiliating. “I'm not like... I'm not like gay or something.” His face felt burning like embers now.

Ezra slowed a little in his pace, and Theo along with him. They shared a long glance, a weird silence settling between them.

“I mean–”, he quickly backpaddled. “Not that there's anything wrong with...being that. Of course. Like...” He could feel himself babbling. He could feel himself starting to sweat. But his mind was already too cloudy to stop himself from spitting out more words. Meanwhile Ezra just silently watched him, his brows slightly furrowed. And Theo's mouth just went completely dry. “–like...like, are you... you know, gay?”

Why did he ask that? WHY DID HE ASK THAT?

Ezra clicked his tongue. The silence was almost unbearable now, and with every second that passed, the answer he would give him felt just tiny bit less believable.

He held his lips in a steady smile, still keeping his eyes on Theo. 

“No.”

Okay.

Cool cool cool. 

“Alright.”, Theo hoarsely pressed out. Then he forced his mouth shut before any more idiocy could slip out. Jesus Christ, how did he just always manage to create the most horrible awkward situations when he and Ezra were talking?

They reached the others, and it didn't even take a minute before Anya walked over to give a speech about how amazing Ezra had been and how talented he was with the bow and arrow.

He could feel the tightness in his chest reappear at their interaction, but he didn't have the chance to pay it much mind. Because now, everytime Ezra as much as glanced at him while listening to Anya, his entire body felt like collapsing from embarrassment.

Had Ezra thought he was gay?

Must have...

Otherwise he wouldn't have assumed that he and Jonathan had been flirting. Or, well, that Jonathan had been hitting on him at least. Though... did it already make someone gay if another man hit on them? He wasn't sure.

Luckily the walk back to their apartment was mainly going downhill — what a metaphor, really — so at least he wasn't fighting for his live on that hiking route anymore...

Chapter Text

When they finally reached the part of the birthday party where he could just sit and eat cake, Anya was still glued to Ezra, ogling him without a break.

He didn't mind, though. The buffet Maisie had prepared was amazing, the decoration was as cool and beautiful as the painting she had gifted him as his birthday present, and the other guests at his party were pretty great, too.

Finneas — when he could let go of Maisie for a few minutes — actually had a bunch of really entertaining anecdotes to share from his life. He worked in retail, which didn't sound as interesting at first, but as it turned out, there were a whole lot of insanely idiotic and comedic people he got to meet at his job.

And Hector? He started this unannounced challenge between him and Maisie of 'who can eat more from the buffet'. He was a huge guy, yes. But when Maisie was hungry, she was hungry. So, that was also a fun thing to witness.

And with all that entertainment right in front of him Theo only caught himself occasionally looking over at the two lovebirds on the couch. Only when Anya's laugh was a little too shrill. Or when her voice got just a bit too excited. Or when he could feel Ezra's gaze burning into his back. Or when–

“Theo?” 

“Hm?”, he switched his eyes quickly over to Maisie. 

“Could you help me in the kitchen? Just for a second. I can't reach the wine glasses.”

He sighed. 

“Sure.” 

Not like she had a boyfriend twice his size who could easily do that for her...

He rose from his seat and trotted after her into the kitchen, ready to get these glasses. 

But once they were both there, Maisie just gently pulled him aside, slightly hiding behind the wall, so the others wouldn't be able to see them if they looked through the door. 

He blinked at her through furrowed brows. 

“What the fuck?” 

“Shh.” She signed him to be quiet. “Everything alright?” 

His confusion increased. 

“What do you mean? Yes of course. All good.”

Maisie tilted her head in a disbelieving manner. 

“Are you sure? The party's been going on for quite some time. And...you haven't really said a single thing in the last—what was it? Thirty minutes? Forty?” 

He rolled his eyes. 

“Are you tracking how much I'm talking now?”, he grumbled. 

“See that's what I mean. You're grumpy. Or annoyed. Or something.”

“I'm not.”

“But you certainly seem to be. Look. Your face is all frowny.”

“It's not! What do you want?” 

She crossed her arms. 

“You to tell me what's wrong.”

“Nothing's wrong! I'm just–” He looked around, searching for something, for anything, to help him out here. There was nothing. “I'm just tired, alright?” 

She gave a slow nod. Still not believing him. 

“Alright.”, she said, quietly. “Do you want me to send the guests home?”

Theo paused in his frustration, just staring at her for a moment. Send the guests home? 

...that was actually not a bad idea.

He put his hand on his stomach, feeling the little tension there that he always got when his anxiety was at its peak.

Maybe this whole party had really just stretched on for a little too long. Maybe it really was time to send the guests home. 

“How?”, he asked, a bit calmer now. 

His quiet little rage had probably been a result of his drained social battery, too... Perhaps the effect of that lavender placebo spray had started to fade.

“I'll be subtle about it, don't worry.”, she assured him. “So, do you want me to send them home?” 

He thought about it for a few seconds. Then nodded. 

“...yes.”

He trusted Maisie with stuff like that. She really had the social skills to pull something like that off — kicking people out of her space without it coming off as rude.

She smiled at him, and waited for Theo to return that smile. And though he had to fight the urge to roll his eyes again, he managed to do it. 

“Just to be clear—”, she whispered, stopping abruptly on their way back to the main party. “Which of our guests do we want gone exactly?”

He quirked an eyebrow. 

“All of them?”, he whispered back. “I mean...” He thought about it, glancing through the door at the others. “Finneas...”

“Yeah, don't really like that guy anyway.”, Maisie muttered.

“And Anya...”

“Okay. Sure.”, she nodded. 

“I guess Hector can stay...”

She grinned. 

“Nice! Coffee too?” 

The dog actually hadn't bothered him at all so far. Coffee really did seem to be just a cute, quiet puppy.

“Fine, yeah, she can stay too.”

Maisie nodded again.

And then there was this subtle waiting moment. In which they both looked at each other, Maisie's grin widening just ever so slightly, while Theo's eyes turned more and more into a glare. 

“Alright then...”, she eventually whispered. “Finneas and Anya it is.” And then she fucking pinched his cheek, before joining the others again.

He walked back to the old armchair where he'd been sitting before and just leaned back and watched as his sister picked out Finneas first, guiding him gently toward their door, making light conversation and subtle gestures that made the whole kicking-out truly seem surprisingly natural. Finneas went along with it, totally oblivious to what was happening, until he was already out the door. It was almost hilarious to watch.

Then it was Anya's turn.

And she wasn't such an easy egg to crack.

Maisie just tried to join the conversation she and Ezra  were having. And Ezra was even quick to include her into their little space. But Anya? She almost completely ignored her. Eyes on Ezra, responding only to his words, listening only to him.

Theo watched, almost nervously, witnessing the situation unfold, praying that his sister would get it done. Suddenly he really did feel the need to have Anya gone. Out of the apartment. More than anything. Even if it had to be done in a rude way. Maisie should do it in a rude way– He flinched at his own thoughts.

What?

No.

Anya was one of the nicest people he knew. One of his oldest firends... or acquaintances.

Maisie should not be rude to her.

“Yeah, and I read this article by some successful attorney, and had to think of you, Anya.”, she smiled.

At that Anya's eyes finally went over to her. 

“Really? What was it about?”

Maisie tapped her chin, acting as if she had to go through her memory to recall what that article had been about. 

“Something about healthy habits that would help future attorneys to become as successful as he was. Don't quite remember... But I believe the most important thing he mentioned was a good sleep schedule. Like, going to sleep early in the evening, and then setting your alarm to like 5am or something. It was totally crazy, if you ask me. Who would even have that much discipline to go through with that?” She slightly shook her head, emphasizing how unbelievably impressive it would be of someone actually went to bed that early.

Anya sat up a little straighter. 

“Oh. Actually, I've been trying to retrain my body to adapt to a sleep schedule like that.”, she nodded firmly. “Yes, uhm, I actually go to sleep at six every night.”

Theo checked the time. Ten to five. 

Maisie tilted her head. 

“Huh.”, she said, almost a bit disappointed, and Anya's eyes went a little wider.

“On weekends!”, she claimed. “On weekends at six. During the week at five.” She nervously brushed a hand through her hair. “Obviously.”

“Oh, only from Monday to Friday then?”

Anya rose from the couch. 

Fuck yes!

“No.”, she shook her head, checking the time herself, already grabbing her bag. “No, I mean– Yes. But I've actually decided to add weekends, too.”

He bit back a grin as Maisie guided her past him, reassuring her about how truly impressive and inspirational she and her discipline was.

Then his gaze wandered over to Hector, who sat —  basically passed out from all the food — on another armchair, probably silently cursing some god for letting his girlfriend beat him at their little eating contest.

And then, his gaze wandered a bit further, to Ezra.

Who was still sitting on the couch, already looking at him when Theo's eyes reached him. Neither of them said anything at first. They just held the eyecontact, the tension in Theo's stomach slowly easing up, now that the other guests were gone.

“Alright”, Maisie sighed, when she reentered the room. “I think it's time for my big baby here to get some sleep.” She hooked her arms under Hector's and lifted him from the chair with surprisingly low effort. Damn, his sister was strong. And she told Coffee to follow along. “If you guys need anything, we'll be in my room.”

She gave Theo a long, meaningful glance, that was both telling him to really come knocking if he needs her and mocking him in an absolutely unfunny way about how he hadn't told her to make Ezra leave as well.

Sisterly love was a curse in disguise.

Then it was just the two of them.

Silence.

Ezra sent him a lazy grin. 

“That was incredibly smooth.”

Theo gave a puzzled look.

“Maisie.”, he explained. “The way she managed to just subtly send your friend home.” He rose from the couch.

Theo felt his cheeks heating up a little.

He opened his mouth. And closed it again. 

“I'm not complaining. I probably wouldn't have survived another conversation about law firms and investments and succession lines anyway. Plus, I don't think she even suspected a thing. Maisie's a real genius.”, he went on, walking over to him.

Theo stood up, frowning a bit at his words.

“You don't like talking to Anya?”, he asked in a rather skeptical tone.

Ezra's grin softened a bit as he came to a halt before him. 

“Ah. So that was her name... Anya.”

Theo gave a quiet, faint huff at that.

“You've been sitting at her side and chatting with her all evening. You want to tell me that you didn't remember her name?”, he said, almost accusatory. Who was he? Some sort of womanizer who didn't care about the women he flirted with?

“Must've slipped my mind. Maybe I was distracted.”, he shrugged.

“Are you serious? You took off your shirt for her at that archery range, but you couldn't keep her name in your head? Anya's really not such a difficult name to remember.”, he scoffed, crossing his arms.

Ezra looked at him, lips twitching for a moment, before he broke out into a quiet chuckle.

“You're funny.”, he laughed, lifting his hand to ruffle Theo's hair for a moment, in an almost mocking manner.

And Theo could feel his entire face turning hot at that.

What did he even mean by that? What about him calling Ezra out for his insolent behavior was funny?

He glared at him, half-heartedly. Unsure of what else to even say now.

And Ezra just left him with that. He just held his gaze, letting his amused chuckle slowly die down into that aggravating Ezra-smile.

Asshole.

“But does that mean the party is over then?”, he asked, completely ignoring Theo's baffled look. “Because if I'm about to get sent home too now, I'd prefer to give you your gift first.”

Theo blinked. Once. Twice. 

“You got me a gift?” His voice was suddenly a lot shyer.

Ezra tilted his head a little. 

“I'm supposed to remember some girl's name, but you can't even remember that it's your own birthday? Now how is that fair?”, he murmured, before pulling something from his pocket, hiding it in his fist.

“I just... you really didn't have to get me a gift.”, Theo mumbled meekly, the flutter in his stomach reaching up into his chest this time.

“Of course I did, idiot.”, Ezra smiled. “Close your eyes.”

Theo looked at him, his gaze flickering between his eyes for another moment, taking in those warm drops of honey one last time, before he followed his order. 

“Good. Now open your hand.”

And he did. With trembling fingers and a slightly sweaty palm, he opened his hand, nervously awaiting whatever Ezra had come up with to get him for his birthday.

Their fingers brushed just a little as Ezra put his gift into his hand. Something small...and cold...and hard...and cuboidal...

“Okay.”, he heard him whisper, and the excited grin in his face was clearly audible. “You can look.”

Theo opened his eyes, meeting Ezra's gaze first — just to regain that soft, honeyed comfort — and then looked down at his hand.

“...a flash drive?” It was red, though. His favorite color.

“Read what it says.”, Ezra instructed, rolling his eyes in playful impatience.

He took a closer look at it, spotting the little engraving on the side. 'Study Music' and next to it a tiny bear.

A teddy bear.

He grinned.

“Study music?”

Ezra gave a far too smug nod. 

“Well, I thought it might help with writing papers and stuff. I have excellent taste in music, you know?”

Theo chuckled. 

“That's... really nice.” He turned the little thing in his hand. “Thank you.”

“You're very welcome, Theodore.”

They stood before each other. Both kind of looking at the other, both kind of not looking at the other.

There seemed to be a certain change in the atmosphere, a quiet but calm air settling between them.

“Maisie's pretty into all of this theme-party stuff, huh?”, Ezra asked then, glancing at all the decorations that surrounded them. 

Theo sighed. “Yeah... Normally we just watch night at the museum and order pizza. But this was really nice, too.”

“Night at the museum?” 

“It's kind of a comfort movie, I guess.” He started fidgeting with the flash drive in his hands. “Always watched it when we were younger and it just turned into this little birthday tradition.”

Ezra crossed his arms before him. 

“So you haven't done your birthday tradition yet?” He clicked his tongue, shaking his head in disapproval. “Now, that won't work. Can't end a birthday party without going through all your birthday traditions.”

The party wasn't over yet. 

Or maybe it was, since everyone except for the two of them had left... But Theo didn't feel as anxious anymore. In fact, he felt almost relaxed. Well, not relaxed. He felt a little shaky and weirdly giddy. But not in an entirely bad way.

And it would be rude to kick Ezra out, right? Unlike Finn and Anya, he would know that he was getting kicked out. So... 

“I mean”, he said, trying to be play it cool. “We could still watch it.” And he just prayed that that wasn't a weird idea.

But Ezra just smiled, nodding at that plan. 

“Well, we'll kind of have to, right? Birthday traditions are not to be mocked.” He raised his finger in a scolding way, as if the sheer thought of not watching that movie now would've been a disgrace to some birthday spirit or something.

Theo just giggled. 

Night at the museum it was then. 

Chapter Text

The couch was just so damn small.

That's what Theo would tell himself later. All these bags of snacks stuffed between them weren't enough to keep their arms from basically being pressed together.

It was similar to when he had been sitting there with Anya and Finn that morning. Only different. It didn't feel as cramped and uncomfortable. It was more like... irritatingly warm and cozy.

But Ezra didn't seem to mind. Of course. Ezra never seemed to mind. He hadn't minded it when Theo had been lying ontop of him like a lazy boar during their study session the other day. And now, he didn't seem to mind the fact that their knees where slightly touching under their shared blanket. Or the fact that Theo was probably close enough for him to smell the scent of his shampoo, the same way that Theo was able to smell his.

Ezra, apparently, was one of these people that didn't care about personal spaces when hanging out with friends.

That's what they were. Right?

He had come to his birthday party. And he had brought him a gift. They had to be friends now...right?

Theo wasn't sure.

But it didn't even really matter. Even if they were just uni acquaintances, it was nice to hang out with him. He enjoyed his company, even when he was close like this. And somewhere, buried deep inside him, secretly and silently, he maybe even kind of preferred it just a little bit when he was close like this.

That way his scent was a little clearer. And his dimple was a little more visible when he smiled. And the outline of his jaw and his nose looked just a little sharper, harsher. His whole face. His whole face felt more detailed. Even now, with his hair open, strands covering his ear and parts of his cheek, the braid Maisie had created hanging softly and half-untangled  between his loose curls... He had the subtlest of freckles. There, right below his eyes. God, those warm, brown eyes...

“You're not even watching”, Ezra murmured, without taking his eyes off the TV.

Theo quickly switched his attention back to the movie. 

“I am”, he croaked, feeling the heat rising up his neck.

He was watching. And even if he weren't, it wouldn't have mattered. He knew the movie inside out. He could quote every line of it verbatim. But still — he was watching.

Ezra snorted.

“Mhm.”

Theo could feel him shifting beside him, moving the arm that was pressed against his to reach for another cookie. They hadn't had any chips or popcorn at home, so the only snack available were the bag of cookies Maisie had bought for the buffet earlier. 

Theo had to fight every urge to look down, to take his eyes off the screen and watch his hand being so dangerously close to his thigh, rummaging as quietly as possible through the bag for any of the cookies that were left. 

“You know”, Ezra murmured, finally picking out that damn cookie and bringing it to his mouth. “I've always thought these two had insane chemistry.”

Theo furrowed his brows, watching the scene of the cowboys and romans argueing over who should get to kill Larry.

“...Jedediah and Octavius?”

Ezra nodded, chewing on his cookie. 

“Yeah.”, he kept murmuring. “I mean, that's some classic enemies to lovers dynamic right there, don't you think?”

Theo turned his head to look at him.

Ezra just kept watching the scene.

Theo turned his head back toward the TV.

He could see the part about the enemies. But lovers?

“I don't know...”, he whispered unconvinced.

And Ezra just huffed out a quiet laugh through his nose. 

Then his hand moved again, to grab another cookie. But this time, it slightly brushed against where Theo's thigh was lying under the blanket.

Theo immediately stiffened. 

And Ezra noticed.

He turned slightly to look at him, bringing the cookie up to his mouth to take a bite.

“You alright?”

Yes. 

“Yes.”

Ezra kept looking.

And Theo feared he might see it. See what? He wasn't sure... But it felt like there was something that Ezra could possible see if he met his gaze right now. Or if he dared to say anything more. Or if he moved. Or if he breathed.

He tried to relax, he really did, but his heart was working against him, and his body felt like possibly falling apart at any moment.

Ezra shifted again, lifting the blanket a little, just so he could scoot even closer, and lean further against Theo's side. His head was right next to Theo's now, chin at the height of his temple. And Theo could almost hear a quiet little whisper coming from his shoulder, luring him to just go on and rest his head there, to just give in. But he wouldn't. Of course, he wouldn't. Ezra being comfortable with more proximity was not an invitation for him to just snuggle against him, again.

“Oh, and by the way”, Ezra murmured, his voice all low and tired, and way too close to his ear, “you're the only one I take my shirt off for, Theo.”

Theo froze.

On the TV the little cowboy had just been pulled out from Larry's pocket, firing non-existing bullets, and throwing a hissy fit.

It was a pretty good representation of what Theo's mind looked like right now. 

Why in god's name would he say something like that?

Theo's words felt stuck in his throat. 

“Oh”, he managed to croak. “Cool.”

Because everything else felt like it would make his chest explode, so fast was his heart beating.

Ezra just smiled. He didn't flinch. He didn't laugh. He was as calm as ever.

Had he actually said that? Or had Theo maybe just misheard him? Maybe he had said something entirely different. It was late. Theo was probably tired already. And there was a movie playing on the TV.

He could feel him shifting even closer now, his arm sneaking its way around Theo's back. There was no space left between them now, so there was nowhere else he could have put it anyway. It wasn't weird. They had done this before. During their study session. Yeah. It was just Ezra's arm. Very loosely slung around his waist. Barely even making any actual contact. It really just laid there. Without any mission. Close. And warm.

The whisper from Ezra's shoulder got louder.

And the nervous tantrum from Jedediah as well. 

Too much.

Theo's head was reeling

It was too much.

Too much closeness.

Too much Ezra.

“Bathroom”, he gasped, clumsily rising from the couch. “Be right back.”

Ezra looked at him, while the blanket lifted and sank, before Theo hectically shuffled away to the bathroom. 

Where was that fucking spray?

Ah. There.

He pulled the cap off and grabbed a towel, practically drenching it in that damn lavender smell. That was probably what sniffing cocaine had to be like. Sitting hunched over in the corner of the room, eyes wide, heart beating, inhaling that sweet, sweet remedy to cool your nerves. Theo just prayed that it would work. He didn't care whether it was a placebo or actually worked — it had to calm him down here.

Because what was he doing? Panicking over the slightest bit of proximity. Turning into some nervous wreck over some barely-there arm around his waist. Hearing the teasing voice of a goddamn shoulder coaxing him to snuggle his cheek against it. Hearing Ezra himself murmuring about how he'd taken his shirt off not for Anya but for him, in that raspy, sleepy voice of his!

His hands were trembling. Fuck, what was he really doing? He was hiding in the bathroom from his friend. Or uni acquaintance.

They were watching a movie, for fucks sake. That was nothing to get so nervous about. They were just chilling. Just hanging out. Just going through with Theo's usual birthday tradition. Without the pizza, of course. There had been enough food already. Maisie really was an excellent cook. And Hector was a surprisingly okay-ish baker. That cake had truly almost looked like a horse. Or, it had at least almost resembled an animal. Maybe a fantasy animal. With no limbs. Or neck. Or ears. But it did have a nice smile!

Alright. 

This was ridiculous.

Enough lavender sniffing. This was his birthday. And his comfort movie. And his home. And his couch. And Ezra really was noone to be scared of.

He put the spray and towel away, taking a few deep breaths, steadying himself. 

If a gauche cowboy and a stubborn roman could manage to get along and become friends, then he and ezra could do it as well.

He opened the door — one last deep breath — then walked back.

Everything was fine. Everything was cool.

He entered the living room. 

Ezra looked up, a soft, gentle smile on his lips. 

“Missed you.”, he teased, lifting the blanket a little for him to crawl back under.

Theo hesitated for a second, then sat down, feeling the immediate warmth from Ezra's body so close next to his, and shortly after the extra comfort of the blanket back above his lap. And a few moments after that, also the shiver-inducing arm around his waist. He almost would've let a goddamn sigh slip.

“You sure you're alright?”, Ezra quietly asked, leaning towards his ear again. 

And it was fine. His voice just felt sinful like that when he murmured. It wasn't anything new. Theo should've been used to it by now. And he was. He absolutely was.

“Yeah.”, he nodded, staring at the screen as if his life depended on it.

“It's just...” Ezra curled his hand ever so gently around his side. “You seem a bit tense.”

He wasn't tense. He was focused. On the movie. 

Larry picked up both Octavius and Jedediah and put them outside their exhibits. And the little cowboy started — yet again — to scoff about how he didn't like to be manhandled.

“I'm fine.”, Theo claimed.

Then he felt the hand on his side pulling him gently closer, until he and Ezra were really back in a study-session-like proximity, and his head accidently found its way onto Ezra's shoulder. Fuck. 

“I will manhandle you, Jedediah.”, Ezra quietly chuckled, copying the line Larry had just used in the movie.

And Theo's entire face seemed to catch fire.

“Funny”, he grumbled sarcastically.

But really he just wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole. Or a murderer to jump in through the window and shoot him right then and there. Anything. Anything to free him from the fluttery warmth in his stomach, and the mortifying comfort of Ezra's shoulder against his cheek. 

Chapter Text

The end credits were playing. His head was still nuzzled against Ezra's shoulder, his waist still enveloped by his arm, his mind dizzy from that sweet smell of old wood and something he was sure now wasn't vanilla.

It was time for Ezra to leave. Time for Theo to go to bed. And yet they both remained there in that position, unmoving, except for the slow, barely noticeable stroke of Ezra's thumb against his side. Soft little circles, that were probably meant to sooth Theo, but happened to have the exact opposite effect.

Ezra sighed and turned his head a little to the side, while Theo tilted his as well so he could look up at him and meet his eyes. And he could've sworn there was a bit of blush forming on Ezra's face. 

“Feeling cozy?”, he whispered with a smile, squeezing his side once.

Theo's heart did a little jump. 

This wasn't good. 

“Uhm”, he mumbled, awkwardly freeing himself from the half-cuddle situation they had going on there.

Ezra just watched him. A bit too calm, a bit too quiet. He had to get him out of here, before his chest would catch fire. He already missed the comfort of his arm...

“I, uh”, he started again, stumbling across the floor. “I think you left your hoodie last time.”

Ezra raised an eyebrow, remaining unmoved on the couch.

“Did I?”

Theo nodded. 

“I...I'll go get it.” While you hopefully get off that couch and make your way to the door already, please and thank you, he added in his mind.

And luckily that was what Ezra did.

When Theo returned from his room with the red bundle in his hands, Ezra was leaning against the wall in their little entrance space, typing something on his phone, already wearing his jacket.

Theo almost didn't want to give the hoodie back. It had sort of become a part of his room by now. Just laying untouched on his desk, waiting to be returned to his owner. Smelling like Ezra. Feeling like Ezra...Alright, maybe the hoodie wasn't that untouched. Maybe he had nuzzled his face into it once or twice. But just because his scent was so calming. Better than the stupid lavender stuff.

“Here”, he mumbled, stretching his arms out to hand it back.

Ezra lifted his eyes from his phone, scanning the folded hoodie in Theo's hands. His face took on a thoughtful expression, his gaze flickering between the hoodie and its holder.

“I don't think that's mine.”, he said.

Theo's heart sank. What?

“...I'm pretty sure it is.”, he muttered, more confused than Ezra seemed to be.

“Hm.”, Ezra hummed, taking a closer look as Theo unfolded it before him. “Nah, that's definitely not mine.”

Okay.

What?

“Are you sure?” It had to be his. He had seen him wear it. And he was the only one who had been in his room. Noone else could've left it there. “I don't think Maisie owns something like that.”

“No, don't suppose she does.”, Ezra nodded, crossing his arms in a contemplative manner. “Could be one of yours though, no?”

Theo's confusion started bordering on frustration.

One of his? This big thing?

“I could probably fit two me's inside of that hoodie.”, he snorted.

Ezra shrugged. 

“Dunno. Seems like it's your size. You should try it on, then we'll see.”, he suggested, watching Theo as if he was some scientist trying to find out whether his creation would come to life.

Theo started to awkwardly pull the hoodie over his head, almost fainting a little as the scent hit his nose directly. God, was it honey? Of course it was honey. Why had it even taken him so long to figure that sweet part of his scent out? Everything about him seemed to be honey. The color of his eyes, the way he smelled,...

When he finally managed to get his head through the collar, Ezra had stepped closer, standing right before him now — like right before him — and gently helped him pull the hoodie down.

“See?”, he murmured, a soft, suppressed little grin playing about his lips. “Told you it's your size.” And fuck, that hoodie had to be made of some special fabric, because Theo was turning incredibly warm all of the sudden. “A little too long for your arms.”, he went on, running a hand down the sleeve of Theo's left arm. “But that's okay. Makes you look even cuter.” And he winked. He fucking winked.

Theo's brain was too overwhelmed to even produce a coherent answer. He just gave a strained, nervous sort-of-laugh, hoping for the best.

Ezra chuckled at that.

He had to leave. He had to go. Now. Out. Bye. 

“You should keep it.“, Ezra grinned, dropping his hand from his sleeve.

“...Ezra.”, Theo hoarsely muttered.

“It's yours.” No it wasn't. “It suits you.” No it didn't. “So, you should keep it.” No. He absolutely shouldn't. But Ezra was quick about it — he didn't even give him a chance to protest. He just ruffled Theo's hair in that annoyingly mocking and yet weirdly affectionate way, and murmured something that sounded like “See you in Mrs. Prettson's class on Monday, birthday boy” and then slid through the door, leaving a far too overwhelmed and far too overheated Theo behind. With that damn hoodie.

Chapter Text

During nights like these Theo really wished he had, like, an actual friend. A close friend. Someone he could confide in. So far the only person he could go to with any problems was Maisie. But she was asleep. Or doing other stuff with Hector which he'd rather not walk in on. And the only other person that would at least come somewhat close to Maisie was possibly Ezra. But he couldn't talk to Ezra...about Ezra.

“Yo, so, actually — there's this guy. And I think he wants to be my friend, and also he's like kind of really touchy, and also that whole touchiness is making me feel way too... weird. And also that guy is you. So...what do you think about that?”, he grumbled to himself, crawling onto his bed, opening his laptop. Ezra would not be of any help right now. Maybe he should just tell him to back off next time. Yes. Exactly. Maybe he should've just told him that he was gay during their hike. Maybe that would have scared him off.

He shook his head. No. Calling yourself gay to scare someone off would be homophobic. Right? Like...implying that being gay is something bad? He wasn't sure. He'd have to ask Maisie. Maybe tomorrow. But really, it didn't matter. Because the hike was over. Ezra already knew he wasn't gay. So... what now? He would just text him. Monday. During Class.

“Yo. I have something to tell you.”, he started grumbling again into the empty room, while he typed into the search bar of his browser. “You need to stop being so touchy. Seriously. No more arms around my back. No more hands squeezing my side. No more nuzzling your face against my shoulder– although– no, wait. Fuck, that was me.” He hit himself with his flat palm against his head. “Get it together, Theo.” And now he was talking to himself. He needed to stop.

He hit enter and the page of antinous_apologist's disgusting story popped up.

Yeah.

He had sworn never to look at that horrible piece of literature ever again — if one could even call it that — but since there were no friends he could talk to about that irritating feeling in his stomach, maybe an enemy will do. Just someone he could let all his emotions out on. That little fucker. Hiding behind the other screen. Had he seen his comment yet?

Theo scrolled down to check. 

Indeed. He had. And only fifteen minutes ago. 

The game was on again.

telemachus33:

Ah yes. I suppose, if you’re into over-the-top melodrama and gratuitous physicality, then this is the way to go.

Personally, I think it’s more compelling when characters express emotions and tension in ways that don’t involve breathy moaning and “needy gazes” every five seconds, but hey—different authors do tend to project differently, right?

(Also not sure what Antinous asking him to watch was supposed to convey? But each to their own, I guess...)

> antinous_apologist:

Well, well, look who's dared to take a little peek at the unholy side of the archive. I sure do hope that you have found what you were looking for. Some inspiration for actual complex character dynamics maybe? Or was this just a read for purely entertainment-focused reasons?

(Also, your insistence on dissecting “watch me” is interesting. Almost like it hit a nerve...)

Anyway, thank you for reading. Thoroughly, it seems.

He almost caught himself grinning at that comment. Not because that prick was funny with his passive-aggressive insults — god no. The exact opposite, actually. 

Especially that 'Thoroughly'.

Theo just scoffed at that.

But this was exactly what he needed right now. Someone who'd get his blood boiling in a non-fluttery way. Someone he could hit with his frustration without feeling bad about it. Someone who wasn't Ezra.

He started hitting his keys, subconsciously dipping his face a bit to take in the calming scent of Ezra's hoodie. He probably should've taken it off after he had left...

Anyway. 

>> telemachus33:

I highly doubt anyone would genuinely consider this inspirational or entertaining. But I suppose it is reassuring to know that the person leaving half-witted hate comments under my chapters is just some miserable loser writing… whatever this is.

(Maybe you should “watch me” write my character dynamics a little more. You might actually learn a thing or two.)

His eyes almost burned in a physical way, starving to read their reaction.

And it didn't even take five minutes for the new comment to pop up. That asshole was online. Reading. Checking. Refreshing, just as much as Theo was. 

>>> antinous_apologist:

A funny claim coming from someone whose story has about 12,000 hits less than mine. But sure—Telemachus gawking at Antinous for an entire chapter is obviously far more inspirational and entertaining than him stepping up and taking it like a man.

(I must admit, though—it’s quite endearing how fond you are of the “watch me” phrase. Has it already carved out a permanent little nook in your brain?)

'Permanent little nook.' Hah! He almost had to laugh at that. Almost. But not really.

It just was a ridiculously absurd phrase which really only worked in those disgusting online stories. It was laughable, so strange and odd that it already was humorous again. If someone said that in real life? To him? In a situation like that? Like, kneeling before him, eyes wide and hungry, lips parted, hair messy, skin a little flushed, probably with their tongue already twitching in anticipation, and their voice all hushed, maybe even a bit of pleading in their tone — if someone actually said that then? Ew.

He shook his head to get the image out of his mind.

Another subtle sniff of Ezra's hoodie. Just to clear his thoughts. Just to stay calm. 

>>>> telemachus33:

Right, of course. Because a story’s worth is obviously measured by the number of strangers who stumbled across it while looking for smut.

But hey—I suppose “taking it like a man” is just as compelling as actual thoughts and emotions, if you’ve got the maturity level of a—what? Fourteen-year-old?

(And no, the phrase isn’t stuck in my head. I just happen to find it hilarious how desperate you are to make it a thing. Like everything else you write—it’s painfully apparent that subtlety isn’t exactly your strength.)

He sent it. And then immediately regretted it. 

What if that user was actually some fourteen-year-old? Some lonely teen just expressing themself on the internet? And all the while he — freshly twenty-one — argued with him as if there was an actual literary critic sitting behind antinous_apologist's screen...

A little cloud of guilt formed in his chest. 

>>>>> antinous_apologist:

I’d say a story’s worth is measured by how the people who read it enjoy it. And my readers do enjoy my content very much.

Especially one of them, as it appears. 

Also, it almost saddens me to hear you think lust and desire are feelings reserved for teenagers. That kind of take screams “adult virgin,” if you ask me... But hey—my own sweet version of Telemachus here didn’t lose it until he was twenty. I’d never judge a late bloomer. ;*

(And sometimes, a well-placed command coaxes more of a reaction than subtlety ever could. But again—I'd never judge you for not knowing that.)

(Though for the record—my Telemachus was written by someone who’s past his teenage years and has long since learned how to put those more subtle emotions to good use as well. In theory and practice. :))

The little cloud of guilt quickly evaporated. 

ADULT VIRGIN? Why was that person so obsessed with making Theo out to be this prudish, untouched nerd? He had had sex before. And he did know how to put both subtlety and, well, non-subtlety to use. 

He typed his response in a speed that almost caused him to make a few typos. He immediately corrected them. 

>>>>>> telemachus33:

Your interest in my private love life is seriously bordering on obsessive. I don’t think an anonymous stranger on the internet has any business pseudo-analyzing whether or not I’ve done it based solely on how I write my characters. Maybe my story’s just more focused on an actual plotline? And less on gratuitous sex scenes that seem to be your only specialty.

(And I’m genuinely sorry for the people—or singular, person?—you’ve slept with, if they had to suffer through you telling them to “watch you.” You’d think they’d run for the hills before you got to that part.)

>>>>>>> antinous_apologist:

Dodging the question, are we? Adorable.

I take it, you haven't made it past the first chapter yet—if you're more into a bit of slow-burn vanilla stuff, chapter 17 might be for you.

(Oh, and—don't you worry about the people I sleep with. They're not running anywhere when I'm done with them. I live to please.)

This was ridiculous.

He had wanted some distraction — and, well, he had gotten it — but that guy really just triggered something inside him that made him want to scream into his pillow and then throw it against the wall.

'I live to please'. If he lived to please then he could stop being such an arrogant, smug prick. 

'Chapter 17?' What? Did he think Theo would skip through the index, searching up the chapter and then actually read it? As if he was an actual part of his readership? A part of his little fandom?

He clicked the index and opened chapter 17.

Not to read it. 

To criticize it.

To hate it.

Chapter Text

Telemachus had its hands tied behind his back, a piece of clothe wrapped around his head, blindfolding him. Antinous was holding him pressed down forward against the top of a counter, leaning across his back to whisper in his ear.

This wasn't slow-burn.

Theo had googled the meaning of slow-burn. 

This was not it. 

“They're expecting me to kill you, you know? Eurymachus, Amphinomus,... They're waiting outside the door.”, Antinous whispered, a smug little grin on his lips.

“Do it then.”, Telemachus hissed, his face pressed sideways against the counter, eyes flickering in panic behind the blindfold. He had given up on squirming, he had given up on resisting. There was no point in fighting that man anyway. Not anymore. Not when he had him pinned in this position.

Theo scoffed. There was always a point in fighting someone when they were attempting to murder you. Even in a position like that. 

Antinous hummed into his ear, keeping him fixed with one hand, while the other ran along Telemachus' spine, leaving a shiver on his frightened skin. “But where would be the fun in that? Why take a pretty boy's life before claiming my price first?”

Oh, so he'd not only kill him, but also rob him? What an incredibly thoughtful version of Antinous, Theo mentally rolled his eyes. No, of course antinous_apologist wrote him as an idiotic, shallow villain like that.

“What do you want?”, Telemachus hissed again, teeth grinding under the sensation of his fingers dipping lower and lower, his hips pressed far too firmly against his lower back.

“Well, since the others are right outside, I'd like for you to be as quiet as possible, little prince.”, Antinous murmured, coaxing a gasp from Telemachus' mouth as his fingers wandered along the side of his waist, finding their way to his front. “Can you be that? For me?”, he added, almost a bit pouty.

Theo's face heated up a little.

Ah. So he meant claiming that sort of price.

Disgusting pig.

Telemachus shuddered, biting his lower lip, a nervous blush filling his cheeks. He couldn't see, he couldn't move. He was trapped. And he was feeling everything. “I won't be quiet.”, he threatened. It was the only form of defense he had left.

Antinous chuckled against the side of his neck, then rolled his hips forward against Telemachus, making the counter creak a bit. Telemachus groaned at the pressure. “That's too bad. They'll most likely kill us both if they find out I'm having my little fun with you here.” His wandering hand grabbed him, roughly, relentlessly, causing another groan to slip from Telemachus' lips. “Come on and behave, little prince, and I promise, I'll go easy on you.” He placed a faint kiss on the back of his neck. “No need to rush your first time.”

Of course. Of course this was antinous_apologist's way of mocking Theo. He should've known. First time? He really couldn't let go of that idea that he was some pathetic virgin, now could he? Theo shook his read and kept reading.

Telemachus huffed and tried squirming again. But he did stay quiet. As quiet as possible, given that Antinous had his hand working torturously slow on him, and simultaneously rolling his hips up against him in a way that almost made him want to beg to go harder, to go rougher, to just get it over with. But at the same time he felt the way he hardened in Antinous grib, the way his whole body was heating up. Was it...exciting? To be used like this? He wasn't sure. But he had no choice anyway. So... “H...harder...”, he whispered, breathlessly, face as red as the blood that seemed to rush all the way down to where Antinous was touching him.

The man laughed, bringing his lips to his ear again. “What was that?”, he chuckled mockingly. “Need it harder, you said?” And Telemachus whined. He whined, nodding his head in the most mortified way, scared of what he was doing here. Scared of himself. Of his own body. But, at the same time — feeling fully on fire now. “If you keep quiet...”, Antinous cooed again.

“Y-yes”, Telemachus sighed, sweat forming on his face from how much he needed this. He needed it harder. And Antinous delivered. Pushing his hips forward in one, rough motion that left both the counter and Telemachus shaking.

Theo felt his own stomach doing a funny thing. One of his traitorous hands fiddling with his waistband. Fuck, this was just like last time... 

The princeling moaned at the friction, helpless against Antinous. Helpless to feel anything but him. In this moment. Shoving himself against him. Hard and merciless. “You're so pathetic.”, Antinous chuckled lowly. “The almighty little prince...lying here, needy and shaky.” He groaned into his ear while feeling his warmth against his groin. “But it's alright. You're quite the pretty view, taking it like this.”

Theo's hand slipped into his pants. Fuck it. This wasn't about the scene he was reading here. It was night. He was a guy. Lying in his bed.

This wasn't a crime.

He subconsciously adjusted the movement of his hand to the one Antinous used in the story. Moving it with every stroke Antinous forced upon Telemachus. And he could feel his breathing growing slowly shallower. 

“You need more, pretty boy?”, Antinous grinned.

“Please.”, Telemachus whimpered.

Please, Theo thought. 

And Antinous added a bit more friction, a bit more speed, watching Telemachus squirm and pant beneath him. Laughing in a weirdly adoring way at how focused he was, how much he tried to just finally come undone under Antinous' manipulation. But he wouldn't let him. Not yet.

Theo groaned at the suspense. Couldn't that guy just hurry? His heart was pounding, his chest heaving. He rolled over onto his stomach, trying to calm a little down, to keep his eyes open, to keep reading. But it didn't really help. His mind was drenched in the smell of the hoodie, his head filled with images of Antinous gently forcing himself upon Telemachus, whispering into his ear about what a pretty boy he was, and his hand wouldn't stop. Theo bit into his sleeve, trying to muffle the soft sounds escaping his mouth.

His eyes began to flutter. 

And then it happened. 

He got a notification. A message from uni chick. In the middle of...reading. And his finger accidentally slipped and clicked on it. Opening the message– opening the picture.

He flung his phone across the room, a mortified gasp coming out his mouth, against the sleeve. 

He quickly yanked his hand out his pants. So close, it almost annoyed him. He crawled from his bed, still slightly trembling, and grabbed the phone from where it had landed in the corner of his room. His face was flushed, his breath high and gaspy.

He looked at picture again. A little calmer now, but not any less mortified. 

Beneath it popped a message up. 

“got home safe again btw. but all hoodieless :o”

His heart was doing a marathon. 

His eyes felt like they were vibrating. 

Ezra. Shirtless. Like he so often loved to be. No shirt. No hoodie. No nothing. Just bare chest. Bare arms. Grinning tiredly into the camera. Hair a little messy after having taken out Maisie's braid. A gaze in his eyes that made it feel like he knew exactly how much this would throw Theo off.

He hadn't– He hadn't still been... doing stuff, seeing that, right? He had already pulled his hand out when that picture accidentally opened up. Right? Yes. He was pretty sure. There was so connection between Ezra's menacing shirtless behavior and Theo's actions earlier. Ezra had been nowhere near his mind. Neither were Antinous and Telemachus, really. But Ezra was even further away. And– and anyway— he hadn't even finished, so, it wouldn't have even mattered anyway. He had barely had his hand down there. Nothing was happening. Everything was fine.

His head was burning. And everything still smelt like that fucking hoodie!

He practically yanked it off him, glaring at it as if it had all been the hoodie's fault. Maybe that annoying scent was making his mind all dizzy. That's why he had been doing weird stuff. He had to get rid of it. He had to wash it.

...but then it wouldn't smell like Ezra anymore. 

“Jesus Christ”, he cursed to himself, before folding the hoodie and putting it neatly onto his bedside table. Next to the little flash drive gift he had gotten from Ezra. That space was slowly turning into some sort of Ezra-shrine...

He had to take a shower. Get rid of all the disgusting thoughts about tied up, blindfolded and shirtless men.

He sent a thumbs-up emoji as his reply to Ezra's message. Because what the fuck was he even supposed to say to that? 'Glad you got home safe again'? 'Nice abs, bro'? 'Sorry for still having the hoodie to forced me to keep, I actually just almost came wearing it!' Fucking hell...

Chapter Text

“:(”

Theo stared at the message, then up into his own pathetic eyes in the still slightly fogged up mirror. The shower hadn't really helped. His mind was just as dizzy as before. 

Maybe he should've turned his phone off. Put it on do not disturb and bury it in some drawer in his room, so he wouldn't have been tempted to look at it again until morning. But he hadn't done that. He had taken it with him to the bathroom. And now, post-shower, he had checked for any new notifications. And there it was—the sad little face Ezra had sent him in response to his thumbs-up.

It was fair. A little thumbs-up wasn't much of a nice reply to him telling Theo that he got home safe again. And, well, to that picture.

And now Theo felt almost bad for not having responded in a more friendly way. 

He let his gaze flicker between his phone screen and the mirror again. Up and down. Up and down. The bigger part of Ezra's selfie was still visible in their chat, only the top of it was cut off by the little bar with his name and profile picture.

He scrolled up a little, clicking on it again, to take another quick look.

Mhm.

Mhm.

Yeah. He was very much shirtless.

Theo looked at himself again. Standing in the mirror. Hair wet, towel wrapped around his waist, skin glowing a little pink from how hard he had tried to scrub off all the filth from that stupid fucking chapter 17 antinous_apologist had written.

He turned a little to the side, checking his form, checking his arms, checking his posture. Then to the other side, checking his profile there as well. He wasn't bad looking. Not as strong and tall as Ezra. And definitely not some sort of gladiator like Hector. But he wasn't bad looking.

If he straightened his back a bit, and turned just a little to the left like that, he actually looked pretty decent... or, like, at least okay-ish.

He sighed and looked back at his phone. 

That sad emoji was still judging him for his poor response.

He let his fingers type a new message. 

“Glad you made it home safe again.”

There. That was a nice response. Right?

The three little bubbles immediately popped up and did their little dance, indicating that Ezra was already writing his reply.

“no reaction to my hoodieless pic? :(”

Theo's cheeks blushed.

He typed his answer. 

“You wouldn't be hoodieless if you hadn't left the hoodie at my place. I told you it was yours.”

He had tried to tell him. He had wanted to give it back. He had done everything he could. It was Ezra's fault. He just had to play dumb for whatever reason. And anyway, he wasn't really hoodieless. He probably had a whole stack of hoodies in his wardrobe. He was just being difficult on purpose.

A new message from Ezra.

“wow. u sure know how to get a man blushing, theodore”

And just a few seconds later:

“no thoughts on those rippling abs??”

And then, another picture popped up.

Ezra was still shirtless. But instead of sitting up on his bed, he was laid down this time, his blanket that he had probably already snuggled into to sleep, pulled down far enough now to expose his chest and stomach. And instead of his usual, cocky dimple-grin, his face was serious this time. Playfully serious, in a way that made Theo practically hear the little scoff coming from his mouth.

Theo bit his lip. He needed a few moments to process all of this. All that naked skin, and those tired eyes, and the dim lighting...

His fingers trembled a little now, when he typed his reply. 

'Looking great.' He hesitated. Then changed it. 'Great' might've sounded a bit over exited.

“Looking good.” Yes. That was a nice message he could send.

So he did. 

Ezra didn't even take five seconds to reply. 

“think u got a tiny typo there, it's actually spelled 'fuck u r so hot it is ungodly how u r still single'"

That actually coaxed a little chuckle out of Theo's mouth. Arrogant bastard.

Also — Ezra was single? 

He had somehow never thought about the possibility of him having a girlfriend. Maybe– probably, because of the whole Anya thing. But still...it was nice to know that now. 

He ran a slightly nervous hand through his hair, leaning back against the cold tiled wall of the bathroom now, writing his response, a giddy feeling in his stomach.

“Sorry. I meant to say: Oh my god, that is the hottest body I have ever seen! Truly magical! My eyes have been blessed!”

It was sarcastic. It was funny. It was not entirely a lie.

Ezra quickly replied.

“now THAT'S more like it :))”

And Theo giggled. 

He looked in the mirror again.

He could send a picture, too...

Leaning against the wall like that. A fun, lazy little snapshot. Just to keep their joke going...

He opened the camera on his phone, his breath coming out a bit shaky. Was he nervous? He didn't try hard. Didn't put much effort into it. Why would he? It was just Ezra. Just a silly picture for a friend.

He opened the picture in their chat, his own face awkwardly smiling back at him as it waited for him to press 'send'. He looked over it. Checking if it looked alright. Checking if it looked send-able. And he opened the little text thing beneath it, to add a message to it.

'Mine's hotter', he typed. Then looked at it. His body really wasn't hotter, though... He deleted it. Typed a different text. 'Look, now we're both hoodieless lol'. Ew. No. That was weird. He deleted it again. 'It is ungodly how I'm single too'. What? No. That would sound as if he was trying to flirt.

He stared at the picture. At himself. Was this weird? Was he being weird? Ezra was the type of guy to send shirtless pictures to his friends. He was an objectively attractive man. And he obviously knew it. If Theo was a girl he'd probably be all blushy and giggly over these pictures. But Theo himself? Sending pictures like that? He felt like some lame loner trying to dig for attention.

He deleted it. Then went to his gallery and deleted it there, too. Then took a deep breath.

Everything was fine.

“See you on monday.”, he sent instead.

Then turned his phone off.

Chapter Text

Maisie knocked on his door. Again. For what had to be at least the fourth time.

“Will you let me in?”

He gave her no reply. 

“Please?” Her voice was so tiny. So fragile.

He knew she was trying to play the tough older sister like always. But even without seeing her face he could feel how her eyes were slightly watery. How her lower lip was trembling, just a little. How her cheeks and nose were red from all the almost-crying.

“Go away.”, he sniffed, staying right were he was — sitting criss-cross before his bed, arms folded, eyes glaring at the locked door. Only it wasn't locked. Just closed.

If Maise had wanted to, she could've come in at any moment. But she didn't. She waited for his permission. 

“I'm sorry, Teddy.”, she said. Soft. Gentle. Genuine.

But he didn't believe her. She wasn't sorry. If she had been, she wouldn't have stayed out for too long again. She would've come back before sundown. She would've told him where she'd gone. She would've... She would've taken him with her.

He wanted to be angry at her so badly. He wanted to yell. To open the door and shove her away. But he knew, deep down, that it had been his own fault.

Why hadn't he stopped her from leaving? Why hadn't he at least asked her where she and that guy would be going?

He was a stupid boy with no brain.

He couldn't even keep an eye on his own sister.

Of course she hadn't taken him with her.

A quiet sigh sounded from behind the door. 

“Can I please come in?”

He snorted. And the snort turned into sobbing. And the sobbing turned into crying.

And Maisie outside the door made a similar noise. Muffled. Quiet. Like she didn't want him to hear how lost she felt as well. 

He crawled toward the door on all four, avoiding all the shards on the floor this time, so he wouldn't get any more foolish cuts. Then reached up to the door handle to let Maisie in. 

He just wanted his sister. He wanted her to hug him and tell him that everything would be fine.

And she tried. 

As soon as the handle went down, she slid through the gap and sank down to the floor, to her little baby brother, and wrapped her arms around him.

“I'm so sorry...” He could feel the wet of her tears in his hair. He just sobbed along. Staining her cropped 40$ shirt that she had specifically bought to impress Patrick. It had rhinestones on it that dug into his nose and cheek now. But it didn't bother him. He just wanted her close.

“You left.” He wanted to yell it, but the sound that came out was merely a helpless whisper.

“I know”, she said, voice shaking. “I know, I'm sorry, Teddy. I promise I'll never leave again.”

He didn't believe her. 

He knew she would be going off with some other guy again. Or maybe stay with Patrick. Or maybe just leave on her own. 

She'd finish school in a few years. And then she'd marry a rich man and move to New York or some other city far, far away from here. From him. She would leave him for good. He knew it. He could feel it. He would be utterly alone in this house, with them.

And he felt all the guilt in the world for wanting her to stay. 

There was a loud noise coming from the bedroom down the hall. He had been sure that they were already asleep. But apparently...dad had woken up.

Maybe Maisie's return hadn't been subtle enough. Maybe their crying had been too loud.

“Hey”, she whispered, leaning back in their embrace. “don't be scared.” But he was.

The rumbling from the other room got louder. Footsteps. Cursing. Yelling. 

Theo could feel his heart sinking in his chest. But Maisie held his face firmly in her hands, forcing him to look at her, to only focus on her. 

“I'll always be here, okay?”, she whispered. “Do you hear me?”

He nodded, sniffing the snot up that was running from his nose.

“Always.”, she repeated.

Then she rose to her feet, taking back a few steps from him. Theo hadn't noticed the dark cloud in the hallway, until it was dense enough to drown her in it. 

And he was alone again. Alone in his room. Staring at the cloud that had swallowed Maisie. Listening to the voice yelling in that bedroom. Waiting for his sister's voice to join in.

He would be sitting on that floor, in the threshold of his door all night long. Until his body would grow tired enough to force him to lie down. And then he would sleep there, and wait for Maisie to come back and carry his unconscious body to his bed where he would be warm and safe again... 

He opened his eyes, silently, and stared up onto the ceiling. 

It was a weird feeling.

His body was shivering, and yet everything was numb. 

His bed was warm. His bed was safe. Just like it had been back then, when Maisie had tugged him in.

How late was it now? Did he have to go back to sleep?

He turned his head on the pillow and checked the time.

Three in the morning.

Fuck.

When will the nightmares finally end?

Chapter Text

The night from Saturday to Sunday had sucked. 

Sunday itself had sucked even more.

The entire last day of his weekend had been one big pile of shit. Maisie and Hector had gone off to do some couple-y thing, leaving him not only alone in the apartment but also alone with the undone laundry and dishes. And to make matters worse, the paper that was due on Tuesday still wasn't finished.

Ezra was probably long done with his part. And Theo had planned to finish his as well on Sunday.

But he hadn't even had enough energy to plug in the flash drive and give his birthday playlist a shot, let alone open the google docs on his laptop. No. He had stood in the kitchen first. Staring down a bunch of dirty dishes. Taking up almost three hours of his day to clean them in a speed that would leave stop motion artists speechless.

And then he had stood before their washing machine. And cursed at it for a good forty minutes, maybe even an hour, because the setting he had chosen always just made the machine beep a few aggressive times before it shut down. Fucking laundry bullshit. He hated it. In the end, he had just picked the quickest setting instead and prayed that their clothes would somehow still get clean enough.

And then, he had made himself a sandwich, and sat at the dinner table, glaring at the contact list on his phone — or, more specifically, at the number of his therapist.

Dr. Evelynn Winton.

A nice woman. A great therapist. An absolute horror for all the topics Theo was working so hard to push away.

They hadn't had a proper session in, what? Three months?

He didn't imagine that Dr. Winton would be hurt or mad because of that big break. But he still didn't want to call her. He wasn't even sure how to begin that call. Did he have to apologize for not having talked to her in so long? Did he have to make some awkward conversation starters?

It had taken him two hours to force down that damn sandwich and then press that fucking call button.

“Evelynn Winton, how can I help you?”

He had closed his eyes. Urghhhh noooo... 

“Yeah. Hi. It's, uh... it's Theo Knights.”

“Oh! Theo, nice to hear from you. How have you been?”

He never knew how to answer those kind of questions. Not when it was his literal therapist asking them.

“Good. How have you been?”

Dr. Winton had chuckled.

“I'm great. Why'd you call? Are you ready to make a new appointment?” A short pause. “...or do you need immediate support?” 

He had opened his eyes, just to roll them. 

“No. I'm fine. Really. But... yeah, a session would probably be a good idea.”

And then he had had to spend another twenty minutes of his day, figuring out a time and date that worked for both him and his therapist. Where they would talk about something that would most likely just be the same sob-story topics he had been discussing with her since high-school.

Therapy was a good thing. Yes. 

But it also kind of made him feel like a failure. Like someone who wasn't able to handle his issues himself. 

Maisie always said that that feeling was the patriarchy forcing a toxic image of masculinity into his head. And maybe she was right. But still... 

“Alright. I'll see you on Wednesday then?”

He had nodded, even though she couldn't see it.

“Yeah.”

“Good. Stay well, Theo. I'm glad you've called.”

“Yeah.”, he had said again. “Thanks. See you on Wednesday.” And then he had hung up. And kept sitting there at the dinner table until Maisie came back.

He thought about trying some breathing exercises. But they never fucking worked. He thought about the lavender spray– He thought about the hoodie.

But the hoodie was banned to the bedside table, not to be touched again! Especially not after doing stuff while wearing it. Or, like, almost doing stuff.

Was it weird to use your friend's scent for comfort? Ezra smelt nice. It was calming. He would prefer the slightly dizzy feeling he got from it, over the frustrated thunderstorm that raged in his head right now. 

And he would just give it a quick little sniff. He wouldn't put it on. Or full-on snuggle into it.

Yeah. 

That should be okay, right? 

And Ezra would never have to find out anyway. 

So, when he eventually went to bed — after a quick chat with his sister, where he had tried to brag about scheduling a new therapy session, which unfortunately also didn't really help with making him feel better — he pulled the hoodie from its place on the bedside table and just breathed in the sweet scent of old wood and honey.

It had been a long, unproductive, shitty day. 

And it was time for it to end. His sleep was empty. No dreams. No nightmares. Just darkness.

And not even in a restful way.

He was just as exhausted when he woke up on Monday as he had been the evening before. It all just sucked...

Chapter Text

He opened his laptop, eyes still half-asleep, and logged into Mrs. Prettson's online class. He was ten minutes late again. And without missing a beat he spotted Ezra in the call. Watching his face light up a little when he turned his own camera on. He hadn't even checked what he looked like. Like shit, probably. But he would've been too exhausted to do anything about it anyway, so... His colleagues and prof just had to suffer through his lazy morning look today.

Ezra gave him a grinning wave, then looked down to type something on his phone. 

Theo quickly grabbed his phone as well and checked their chat. 

Uni chick was typing... 

“good morning, handsome ;) lookin extra nice today”

Theo laughed at that little text and the funny little wink, looking up into his laptop camera to playfully roll his eyes at Ezra — but then, his gaze dropped down to his own little video in the bottom right corner of the screen.

And his laugh immediately died.

Fuck. 

...Alright.

Maybe he hadn't just had 'a little sniff' yesterday, when he had gone to bed...

Maybe he had needed a bit more comfort than just a single second of that calming scent...

Maybe he had... Maybe he had put the hoodie back on — So what?

Maybe he had planned to just take it off right after waking up the next morning. Before joining the online class. Before turning on his camera. Before letting anyone — especially Ezra — see him. 

And maybe his stupid fucking brain had forgotten about that plan.

He was frozen. Eyes wide, flickering between his own video and Ezra's.

That grinning bastard was entirely unfazed, planting his chin in his palm and watching Theo short circuit in real time. Jesus fucking Christ — He was probably thinking that he had just kept it on and worn it since Saturday! Oh fuck. Fuck no. Fuck fuck fuck! 

Should he take it off now? Throw it away? Into his laundry basket? Into the trash? Out the window? With himself still in it?

His face was growing as red as the hoodie. Matching perfectly. Great. 

At least he was fully awake now. And mortified. 

His fingers hovered over his phone. Trying to come up with a reply. With an excuse, as to why the hell he was wearing Ezra's hoodie. To class. What the fuck was wrong with him?

“Yeah, sorry. Our washing machine's broken.”

Liar! Liar! He was such an obvious liar, fucking hell.

Ezra looked down at his phone, grin not wavering, face still gently placed in his palm, as if he was some dreamy teen girl staring at the Mona Lisa. 

“that sucks. need me to bring over more hoodies??”

Theo just died, sinking a little deeper on his mattress, the collar of the hoodie riding up his chin a little to really shove that smell in his nose. NOT HELPING.

“No, it's fine.”

None of their colleagues could recognize the hoodie, right? None of them could think he had stolen it? Or worse — borrowed it, like some clingy girlfriend.

He checked the videos of the others.

But luckily they were all either busy with their own worlds or actually paying attention to class. 

“u sure?? y'know they look real good on u”

Oh fucking hell, did he want to actually kill him? Drown him in humiliation?

“I'm sure. Thanks though.” Yeah, thank you very much, Ezra, he mentally grumbled. Thank you for this slow, painful, embarrassing death.

He tried his best not to fully glare at him. But that was increasingly difficult since that bastard just kept smiling widely into the camera.

“Stop grinning.”

Nothing was funny.

“sry. can't take u seriously rn. u look like an angry teddy bear”

Wow.

“And you look like a hamster when you eat.”

Whatever. He could play that childish game, too. 

He watched Ezra burst out into laughter. 

“a HAMSTER???”

Theo just gave a firm nod into his camera.

“OK and u look like u stopped growing in middle school”

“I'm 6'!”

“barely...”

“Well you look like an idiot who'd flex his muscles in front of the whole class AND the prof.” Which was embarrassing. Not cool. Or hot.

They locked eyes via their camera for a moment, Ezra raising a challenging eyebrow.

“that ur way of asking for an encore?? sorry teddy bear, i kinda don't wanna risk getting expelled :/”

What? No. That's not– urgh! 

“Would rather have you do us all a favor and keep your shirt on for once.”

Ezra — eyebrow still lifted — leaned back in his chair now, grinning while he typed his response.

“idk that's a lot to ask of me when u r sitting there all cute and grumpy y'know?”

Theo's already flushed face took on an even deeper red.

Jesus Christ.

'Cute'?

He watched as Ezra made a show of acting tired, stretching his arms in a way that made his shirt ride up just enough to expose a bit of his lower midriff.

Theo bit his lip, forcing himself to look away, heart going at a hundred miles an hour. 

That guy really couldn't keep himself covered, huh? He was probably one of those gym bros who lived off validation for their body. It was annoying. And childish. And unnecessary. And especially unasked for. 

Ezra sent him a new message and he quickly opened it.

“for u ;)”

The funny flutter in his stomach did a little swirl. He put his hand there, to try and calm himself. Alright. Throwing up about Ezra's silly strip tease would be a bit much... He took a few breaths, then typed his answer. 

“Thanks, bro.”

He let his gaze drift over to the video call, to check if Ezra had caught the sarcasm in his message.

But Ezra wasn't grinning at the camera anymore.

Instead, he was frowing — almost glaring — at his phone. As if it had personally spat him in the face.

Theo leaned a bit closer toward his laptop, like that would make it somehow possible for him to peek at Ezra's phone screen. What was he reading there?

Then, after at least half a minute, Ezra finally looked at the camera again, responding to Theo's curious look, with an utterly confused one.

'What is it', Theo mouthed. And Ezra gave an equally mouthed response that he couldn't quite decipher. So he shrugged. And Ezra just shook his head, then looked back at his phone and typed something.

A few seconds later another message popped up in their chat. 

“anytime, bro”

Theo stared at it.

Why did that suddenly sound so dull?

He hesitated. Then texted back:

“Sorry: Holy shit, you're so hot! I'm literally shaking!”

At that, Ezra's frown eased up a little, his lips twitching back up into a smile. 

“Better?”

Ezra typed his reply. 

“MUCH better, bro”

Theo felt himself smiling as well, a quiet sigh of relief escaping his lips. 

Then he opened the google docs of their shared paper and grabbed the flash drive off the bedside table. 

Time to be productive.

Chapter Text

While Mr. Brooks was rambling on and on about some guy named John Bowlby, Theo was scrolling through the songs Ezra had uploaded onto his birthday flash drive.

He hadn't heard of any of these titles. His music taste consisted mostly of things he listened to when hanging out with Maisie. Dolly Parton, Cher, Melissa Etheridge,... Women that gave Maisie the illusion of being just as great a singer as they were, when in fact, she was completely out of tune whenever she sang along. He still loved their songs. And Maisie's singing. But he didn't have, like, a favorite song, or a favorite artist or album. He just vibed with whatever was playing.

In this case, he chose to just randomly click play on one of the songs Ezra had gifted him and then switched over to the paper to start working.

It was a quiet, calm song. Which was good. Meant that it wouldn't distract him. A soft beat that was just enough to be fun without guiding his mind away from the words he was typing.

It really helped. Surprisingly well, actually. 

Somehow he seemed to have accidentally put on some sort of loop though, which made the same song play over and over again. But that didn't bother him at all.

After the third time, he was slightly nodding along to the rhythm. After the fourth time, he was humming along. And after the fifth time, he was already quietly singing along to the little chorus line. 'Oo-oo-ooh, I'm on fire...' It was somehow such a soothing melody to sing.

His writing was going well, too. Really well. So well that he only lifted his focus from the paper and switched back to Mr. Brooks' video call when that guy announced the end of his class and went through all their names. And only then did he also notice that uni chick had sent him a new message.

He gave a quick 'here' when Mr. Brooks got to his name, and then unlocked his phone and checked his chat with Ezra. It was five new messages actually. Jesus Christ... 

“r u listening to the study playlist i made u, bro??”

“aww u totally are, bro”

Then a picture of Theo he had taken through his camera, where he looked like he was trying to solve some sort of enigma, lips slightly parted from singing along. Oh, god no...

“little nerd”

Why did he always have to take pictures?

And then lastly:

“so what r u listening to, bro??”

And what was up with all these 'bro's suddenly?

He looked up at the video call. He and Ezra were the only ones left, except for one other girl that apparently had fallen asleep. Poor girl. Just another victim of Mr. Brooks' non-existent teaching skills.

Theo turned the music a little quieter to not wake her, then just unmuted himself. Ezra's face immediately lit up. 

“Bruce Springsteen, eh?”, he grinned, unmuting himself too.

Theo shrugged. 

“Works wonders apparently. I'm almost done with my part of the paper now.”

“Do you like it?” His voice was soft and careful, probably for the same reason — to not wake the girl — but to Theo it almost felt as if he was trying to add a more private tone to their conversation.

“It has a pretty catchy tune.”, he replied. 

“Mh.”, Ezra hummed.

Then they were quiet for a while, both just listening to the song. Until the chorus line came up once more, and Theo softly sang along again. “Oo-oo-oh, I'm on fire...”

Ezra giggled. Like, really giggled. As if witnessing Theo actively enjoying the song he had put into his birthday gift made him feel all giddy.

And Theo blushed in response.

“Yeah, I think I like it.”, he mumbled. The outro slowly faded out. And then the song started anew. “I've kinda just played that one on loop.”, he admitted, blushing even harder. It had been an accident.

“It's a good song.”, Ezra just murmured. Theo nodded. “Do you want me to check what you've written?”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

And in one click Ezra had joined him on the google docs, his little cursor jumping through the lines. It was funny to watch it search for mistakes. It was funnier to watch Ezra's focused face.

Eyebrows slightly furrowed. Nose slightly twitching. Damn. He almost forgave him for having taken a picture of him earlier, because now he felt tempted to do the same.

It was probably just the whole situation right now. Their low voices, the quiet music that was still playing in the background, the solitude of just him and Ezra...and the random girl. It all just made this feel way more intimate than it should.

“Theo”, Ezra murmured, catching his attention, that had only slightly started to drift off.

“Yeah?”

Ezra looked up into the camera, his smile widening a little when they locked eyes again.

“There's no second 'r' in 'interesting'.”, he noted, gently chuckling. And holy shit the sound of that soft chuckle felt like it was just another part of that Bruce Springsteen song.

“Oh”, Theo mumbled, while the song kept on playing.

Fuck, why did it suddenly sound so much more intense? Why was the melody suddenly such a haunting little thing that spoke directly to the warmth in his chest? Why did Ezra's eyes suddenly look way more honey-like than they usually did?

He swallowed. Then forced himself to look away, to focus on the damn paper. And to fix his typo. All while Ezra was right there, watching him, with that soft little smile on his face...

And as he was deleting that second 'r' the chorus came on again, and this time, it was Ezra who sang quietly along. Like it was nothing. Like he was just subconsciously doing it. But, Jesus, why did it sound so much better than when Theo had sang along?

He had to bite down on his inner cheek, to not have some visible facial reaction. 

Theo's voice had been normal. Playful. Unserious. Just... Just normal. 

Ezra's? Ezra's was deep. Raspy. And just the right amount of shaky, as if he had sung it a hundred times before and was too lazy now to put his full effort into it. As if he was holding back. As if he was trying to keep it soft and quiet. As if he knew exactly what he was doing. As if he was singing it specifically, exclusively for Theo.

Who was Bruce Springsteen, and why had he stolen a song that was so obviously written for Ezra Baines?

Theo wanted to scream into a pillow. 

“Any other mistakes spotted?”, he asked instead, not daring to look directly at him again. But when Ezra gave him no reply he did it anyway. And shit, his eyes really did look so much more magical than usual... 

“Do you really think I look like a hamster?”, he asked, lips formed into a crooked grin.

No, Theo thought. You look like you were crafted by the moon himself, to give you that dark, ethereal glow, and then kissed by the sun to make your eyes shine as bright as her own light shortly before dusk.

“Only when you eat”, he mumbled, his cheeks growing warmer.

Ezra chuckled — again, in the softest rhythm, fitting perfectly to the song's atmosphere. That fucking bastard.

“You have to cook for me again soon. I miss your food. Even if eating it makes me look stupid.”, he quietly said.

“Hamster's don't look stupid. They're cute.”, Theo objected, his mouth acting faster than his mind.

“Oh?” Ezra's grin widened. Oops. “Well, then you have to cook for me again even sooner.”

And Theo's fingers started trembling.

He had to stop that song from playing. It was putting some evil spell on his brain, making him talk absolute nonsense.

His bedroom door opened. 

Maisie just walked straight in. 

But when she saw him sitting there before his laptop, she paused, eyes widened in slight surprise. 

'Online class?', she mouthed, pointing at his dimly glowing screen.

Theo could still feel his heart doing gymnastics. 

“No–”, he stammered awkwardly. “Yeah– No, we were just...” His voice faded out.

But Ezra seemed to have quickly figured out what was going on. 

“Is that Maisie?”, he grinned, purposely loud enough for her to hear.

And his sister — of course, the devil that she was — immediately jumped closer, shoving Theo to the side to get before the camera as well.

“Ezra!”, she beamed, and returned the little wave he gave her. Great. How nice to see them getting along that well. “I'm so sorry for interrupting you guys. I didn't know the two of you were on a video call.”

“Oh, don't worry, that's no–”

“It's not just the two of us!”, Theo hectically corrected her, pointing at the sleeping girl in the third video. “She's here too! We were just...working on our paper!”

Maisie looked at him through the corner of her eyes. The silence was torturing. Especially with that DAMN SONG STILL PLAYING.

She knew. She absolutely knew. She could read his mind. She could hear his heart beating twice as fast as usual, and she could definitely see the blush on his face. 

But it was nothing! It was just the song! And the– and the dim lights! 

“New hoodie?”, she eventually asked. And from her tone alone he knew that it was a completely calculated question. Just to make suffer even more. Because she was well aware that it was Ezra's.

He hated her.

“I– Yeah, I, uh, forgot to tell you. Our washing machine's broken.”, he pressed out. Bullshit. And she knew it.

“Ah.”

And the song kept playing. 

And the three of them stayed silent. 

Until finally, finally, that one girl woke up.

She looked around, still half-asleep, then recognized Ezra and Theo in the call.

“Is class over...?” Her voice was rough.

Theo felt a little bad for not knowing her name. Uni chick #2? Or maybe just uni chick. Since Ezra really wasn't a uni chick after all.

He should probably change his name in his phone...

“Yeah, a whole while ago, actually.”, Ezra explained, giving her a slightly amused smile.

Not THAT long ago, Theo thought. Maximum ten minutes. Probably less. They hadn't, like, fully hung out here. It had just been a coincidental little after-class chat.

“Oh. Okay.”, the real uni chick said.

Then she just left the call.

Hm. 

Yeah. 

That was what Theo probably should've done, too. 

“Well”, Maisie sang, clapping her hands together in a determined manner. “I'll leave you guys alone again. Gotta check if the lasagna's ready yet.” She threw a long gaze at Theo. Then a long gaze at Ezra. “Bye Ezra!”

He grinned again. “Bye Maisie! Lovely talking to you!”

And Theo's sister almost melted at that. 

“Naw! It was so lovely talking to you, too! Can't wait till you come over again!”

No! Never! Never, that would be never!

Why did she always have to do that? Why did she have to put Theo in these unbearable situations? Why couldn't she just leave in silence? Fucking hell!

Once she was gone, of course, Ezra looked at him again, a gentle but expectant expression on his face that said as much as 'so, are you going to invite me over now, or...?'.

But Theo couldn't. Not like that. Not now. Not with the song playing and his heart pumping as if he was being hunted by the Minotaur.

“Okay...”, he simply mumbled, his voice hoarse. “...bye.”

And then he left the call.

Chapter Text

Tuesday was finally a day that Theo would truly consider good. Maisie had made french toast for breakfast and it tasted amazing. He had handed in the finished paper for Mr. Brooks' class, and, honestly? He was almost kind of proud of his work. And for some reason he felt the sudden urge to clean his room a little. Which wasn't half as bad while listening to more of the songs Ezra had gifted him. There were a lot of other, more upbeat ones on that flash drive, too. So, cleaning his room was... fun?

“What's up with you today?”, Maisie even asked, when he practically danced into the kitchen to bring the dirty glasses that had piled up in his room to the sink.

“Nothing.”, he shrugged, a smile on his lips. “Just in a good mood.”

She sat at the table, reading something on her kindle. And now she slightly pulled down her glasses, throwing her brother a skeptical grin.

“I love to see that... Hey, I heard music coming from your room, by the way. What are you listening to?” Her gaze was inquiring.

He put the tap on and started cleaning the first glass.

“Uh”, he hesitated. He hadn't really payed much attention to the name of the songs or artists. “Just some playlist I got for my birthday.”

At that her ears perked up. 

“Oh. From Ezra?”

Theo nodded, focusing on the dishes. 

Behind him Maisie put her kindle down now, slowly rising from her seat.

“Sound like a really nice gift. What songs did he pick?”

He sighed, turning half around to give her a quick look, trying to remember the names of some of the songs. 

“Something by Bruce Springsteen...?”, he awkwardly said.

Maisie smiled. 

“Ah yeah, I think I heard that one yesterday.”

He nodded again. True. And what a nightmare that had been... 

“Yeah. And, uhm, also one that goes... dun dun du-dun dun...”, he tried.

Maisie just laughed at that, raising an intrigued eyebrow. 

“Do you mean 'Get it on'? That T.Rex song?”, she chuckled. “Is that what your 'dun dun dun' is supposed to be?”

Theo rolled his eyes. 

“Funny. Now imagine if I made fun of your singing.”

“My singing is immaculate, thank you very much. But, damn. Ezra's quite the straight forward guy, huh?” 

He gave her quizzical look. 

“What do you mean?”

She crossed her arms, snorting at the question. 

“Nothing. Forget it.”, she chuckled, shaking her head. “So, is he coming over for dinner today?” 

Theo turned away, focusing back on the dishes. 

“No. Why would he be coming over? He's just been here.”

“Yeah, three days ago. Figured you guys might want to hang out a bit more often.”

Theo sighed and threw her a glare. 

“We don't. And stop pushing it. I'm an adult, I can manage my own friendships.”

“Okay. I'm sorry.”, she sang, not really sorry. “Just thought since you guys are already resorting to video chatting, you might—” 

“We weren't video chatting. We were working on our paper.”, he immediately protested, cleaning the glass a bit more roughly than necessary.

Maisie put a gentle hand on his shoulder, waiting for him to put the glass aside and fully look at her. He did. 

“Theo”, she softly smiled. His shoulders sank a little. “I love you.”

He grumbled something that vaguely resembled a “love you too”, looked away, then look at her again. Still a grumpy expression on his face. 

Maisie smiled a bit wider. 

“And, there are many more people out there who can love you almost as much as I do.” God no. Please not that conversation again... “You have a big heart and you can totally let them in. People aren't always a threat. And if they do happen to be one after all, big sister here will be right there to kick their asses.” Jesus Christ, why? He literally had therapy the next day. Why that talk now? “You know that, right? I will never let anyone — anyone — hurt you. Okay? You're good. You can let them in.” 

He just stood there. Frowning. Pouting almost. Taking Maisie's supportive monologue as if she was some drill sergeant yelling at him to stand up more straight. 

“...am done with the dishes.”, he murmured then, before shuffling off, back to his room. Away from her and her sisterly speech. 

He closed the door behind him, dropped onto his bed, exited the window with the music on his laptop and opened an old tab on his browser.

Tuesday had started so well. And now he was kind of pissed. 

Time to let it out on the good old reliable fucker antinous_apologist.

He clicked on that wicked chapter 17 that he had begun to read to other day, and scrolled down to the comments. He didn't bother what the other people had written there. He already had in mind what he wanted to say to that asshole. 

telemachus33:

If this is your interpretation of a slow-burn story, then I am deeply uninterested in finding out what a fast-burn written by you would look like.

Also, thank you so very much for giving Telemachus that blindfold. It saved us all from any more "watch me" nonsense.

He pressed enter, and then immediately went to refresh his page a few multiple times. He was burning to read that prick's reply.

Two minutes passed. 

Five minutes passed. 

Ten minutes passed. 

When the thirty minute mark hit, the whole refreshing game had started to feel a bit pathetic. So Theo decided to stop.

Why wasn't that guy online? He needed someone to argue with, why wasn't he here to offer his stupidity?

Urgh. 

He closed his laptop. 

Then sat there on his bed, arms crossed before his chest, a frown on his face, and his mood still down.

What now?

He could check what Ezra was up to...

He grab his phone and went to their chat. Uni chick had last been online four hours ago. 

Hm. 

He decided to text him anyway. 

Because, contrary to Maisie's assumptions, he could very well let people in. 

“Hey, what are you up to today?”

Just a casual question. Just checking in. That wasn't weird.

He waited and stared blankly at his phone screen. 

No reply. 

Something in his chest made a strange little stabbing motion.

Where was everyone today? It was just a normal Tuesday, why did everyone seem busy all of the sudden? Or, well, everyone of the few people he regularly talked to... Damn. Alright.

He switched to a different chat.

Anya.

Another person he had let in, dearest Maisie.

“Hi Anya, what's up?”

She did reply. Only half a minute later. 

“Hii Theo! :) I'm really great, thanks for asking! How are you? I had so much fun with you guys on Saturday. We totally have to do that again sometime.”

Oof, alright. That was a lot of information for a simple 'what's up?'. He blinked a few times, trying to process it.

Then he typed his response. 

“Yeah totally. It was really fun, I'm glad you came.”

She immediately texted back. 

“Yes! It was so nice catching up a little and seeing Finn and Maisie again, and getting to know Ezra! Thanks for the invitation, i appreciated it so much. :)”

He frowned a little at that.

Well, actually, she hadn't only met Ezra. She had also met Hector. But apparently only one of them seemed worth mentioning... Uh-huh. Okay.

It shouldn't surprise him though. After all, they had been getting along quite well. Even if Ezra hadn't been able to remember her name. And it just really didn't bother him. He didn't even care that much. It was good that his friends were also friends or whatever. 

He went to type another response, when a notification from uni chick popped up, and he quickly switched to the other chat. 

Ezra had replied to his text. 

“no time for more pics of my rippling abs rn! busy buying stuff for the party, c u tonight, bro??” 

What? What party? Why tonight? It was Tuesday, why was there a party on a Tuesday?

His typed his response. 

“What party are we talking about exactly?”

Ezra's reply came in multiple messages.

“bro”

“tonight”

“party at Jackson's”

“r u not coming?? :(”

Oh. Like, some party with people from uni? He had heard that they regularly threw parties. But he wasn't really...part of that. He wasn't even in their group chat.

Parties weren't exactly his thing. Too many people. Too little space. And too much socializing that he never quite knew how to escape from if it became too much. 

But with Ezra there? He'd at least have someone he knew. So, he wouldn't be entirely alone in that mass of people.

But then again, it was Tuesday. He had class tomorrow. And therapy. Would it be wise to go out tonight? Not really. 

“I'm not really sure if I'll come...”

He shouldn't. It wouldn't be smart at all, actually. 

“WHAT :(( u have to, bro”

Enough. 

“What's with the bro?”

It was starting to bother him. A little bit.

“idk u started”

What?

“???”

Ezra copied an earlier message to his new text. The 'Thanks, bro.' Theo had sent in response to Ezra lifting his shirt during class yesterday.

“there, bro”

Oh fucking god. He could not be serious...

“???”, Theo sent again.

Then:

“That was once. You add it to like every message.”

“oh. does it bother u, bro? i thought since we're bros i could call u bro”

“No. It's fine. Just maybe a bit excessive?”

“u think so? u want me to stop, bro?”

Theo chuckled...nervously.

He didn't need him to stop. It really, honestly did not bother him. He could call him 'bro' as much as he wanted to. It was just the quantity of it all. Like... bro bro bro bro bro. Didn't feel right.

His fingers hesitated above his phone screen for a moment, then started typing again.

“It's okay.”

“OK cool, bro. so r u coming to the party then?”

Oh.

True.

He had almost forgotton about that part of their conversation.

“I mean, I wasn't even really invited. Would probably be rude to just show up like that.”

“that's not an issue, bro. I'VE invited u ;) right now” 

Amazing.

“But I also don't even know the guy that throws the party.”

“not an issue either, bro. i can totally introduce u”

Marvellous.

“And what about class tomorrow?”

“u can crash at my place, bro. we can just share my laptop for class”

That...was not what he had meant.

“What if I don't want to go?”

He looked at the message. Hesitated. Thought about it. Then sent it. 

Ezra's didn't reply right away. Not like he had with the questions before. The three bubbles popped up and paused over and over again, for a solid minute.

And then, when his response finally came through, Theo's lower lip was already bleeding from how nervously he had been chewing on it.

“then i'd miss u”

He blinked, a slow, blushy, unsure smile creeping onto his face. Ezra really was far too corny for a guy in a black leather jacket and the arms of a Greek hero...

“I'll think about it, okay?”

Maisie probably wouldn't let him go out on a Tuesday evening anyway.

“OK!! :) thanks, bro”

Chapter Text

“I hate you.”, he grumbled.

He should've lied. He shouldn't have mentioned it at all. He should've just gone on about his day without bringing this stupid party thing up. If Ezra would've had asked about it later, he could've just said 'Oh, yeah, no, sorry. Maisie said I can't go.', but no. No, Theodore the genius had to actually tell her.

“No, you don't.”, his sister chuckled, bopping her head to the loud music blaring from the car radio.

Some 'party playlist' she had put on to 'lift his mood'.

“I hate this.”, he grumbled.

And Maisie just sighed. Throwing him a quick look when they halted at a red light. 

“This is going to be fun. You'll enjoy it.”, she insisted.

He grimaced at that. 

“How?” Again — too many people, too little space, too much socializing. He would not enjoy it.

“Ezra's going to be there.” That was her argument, her only argument. Ever since Theo had slipped up about the party during a smalltalk-y little conversation with her, everything she'd been saying ended with 'But Ezra!', 'Ezra's also going!', 'You'll see Ezra again!', 'What about Ezra?'. At this point it felt more like she was the one wanting to go that party instead of him. And it was most annoying.

“Yeah, and probably like thirty other people”, he countered.

Maisie took a turn to the left. Somewhere in the distance, the sound of drunk people howling and cheering to some low bass music appeared. Oh god, they were getting closer.

“Please, turn around.”, he whined now, running a nervous hand through his hair.

“Don't worry. I'm sure Ezra can get you guys some privacy.”, Maisie assured him.

He grimaced at her again, disgusted this time. 

“Ew, you make it sound like he's going to rail me or something.”

She just chuckled. 

Then took another turn to the left and — ah shit, there it was. Unmistakably. Big yard with an even bigger house. People already sitting and lying on the grass, drinking, laughing, singing along to the music that was playing. But, singing along in a way that matched Maisie's skills. And, fuck, that was definitely more than just 'like thirty other people' that Theo had expected. There were at least fifty. In the yard alone. Fuck. No. Nuh-uh. Not going to happen.

“Maisie..!”, he begged again, batting his lashes, pouting his lips.

But she was smiling, still vibing to her playlist, eyes widening at the sight of that enormous party chaos before her. She didn't even give his pleading any attention.

“Make sure to text me when I need to pick you up again, alright?”, she sang, reaching over to open his car door. “And take some pictures.” She sighed dramatically. “God, I miss being twenty-one...”

She wasn't even close to thirty yet. What was that woman on about? Acting nostalgic as if she wasn't still in uni herself. There were probably enough parties thrown by people from her art history classes.

Theo groaned, half-hoping that if he just acted theatrical enough in his suffering, his sister might change her mind after all. But once he was out of the car, she practically slammed the door shut, gave him a grinning wave, and then drove away. Leaving her poor little brother all alone in this nightmare.

His shoulders sagged as he turned around, looking at the vastness of the event. Jackson Wang, you motherfucker. How could that guy even know so many people?

Theo had had to look up the colleagues that went to class with him, because of course he hadn't heard of Jackson before. And Maisie had hovered above his shoulder, making sure that he was reading her the right address. And now here he was. At some apparently rich and famous guy's house party. Uninvited and unwilling. 

What would Maisie do if he texted her already?

She'd probably ignore it. That demon. Urgh. 

He took a deep breath, and then walked across the yard, skillfully dodging every drunk person that staggered in his direction. It was pretty warm for a night in early March. But also, maybe that warmth was just coming from the crowd. 

The inside of the house was even worse — the temperature was even hotter, the music even louder. And the people? Jesus, the people were even more shitfaced. Here was someone drinking straight from a handle of vodka, over there was someone standing on a table, pouring a greenish liquid into some girl's mouth, and Theo didn't even dare to turn and look at the group of people in the corner who were sniffing things into their noses that he was sure not even his crazy sister Maisie would approve of. 

How on earth was he supposed to find Ezra in this mess? How on earth was he supposed to do anything in this mess? 

Maybe he could just go back outside? Sit on the sidewalk and spam Maisie with messages until she'd pick him up? Yeah, that was a good plan. 

“Yooo!”, someone slurred. And somehow he felt that it was directed at him. 

He turned at looked who it was. 

“No way! Speak of the—hnks—speak of the devil! I was just talking about you!” 

...did he know that girl? Had to. Because there she was, slinging an arm around his shoulders like they'd known each other since kindergarten. 

“Oh”, he chuckled awkwardly, trying to shake off her arm. “...hi.”

The girl's friends all gathered around them, eyeing Theo with a sceptical look, obviously waiting for some sort of explanation from their friend. 

“Guyyys!”, the girl slurred. “That's the one I was just talking about! From Mr. Brook's class, remember?” 

Her friends all made an 'oohh' sound. 

Wait. 

Was that the real uni chick? The one that had fallen asleep during class and accidentally became part of a far to intense video call between him and Ezra? 

Holy shit...

“What—hnks—what was your name again, handsome?” 

Theo felt like a zoo animal, getting stared at by visitors. He gently took a step backwards, creating more distance between him and the little group. 

“Uh, Theo.” 

“Theo? Love that. Can't believe we've never really met before.”, she slurred with a giggle. 

He just pressed out an awkward laugh. “Hah, yeah...”

“Girlies—hnks—let's get my friend Theo here a drink!”, she announced, and her friends all cheered. 

With a hand on Theo's back, the real uni chick pushed him along with them, towards a little bar-like thing in the back of the room, where a few guys were half-busy with hitting on girls and half-busy with mixing drinks. 

It happened quicker than he realized that one of her friends shoved a cup from the bar guys in his hand — from the smell of it, probably something strong — and then he got pulled away again. To a different room now, where the music was even louder, and the space even crowdier. 

Was this his night now? Being an adopted member of this group of girls whose names he didn't even know? 

He took a careful sip of his drink. His meds should not be mixed with alcohol. And he was not planning to experiment with that tonight.

It tasted like liquor mixed with juice. Disgusting and bitter. But he took another sip anyway. What else was there to do? The girls' cheers were too loud in his ears, the bass of the music vibrating too much in his chest, the crowd inching in on him like wolfs circling a lamb... 

He had to sneak away. Somehow. Just...just sliding through the mass while his new 'friends' weren't looking. 

He tried. Waited for a good moment, took a big gulp of his drink, and then shuffled backwards away, out of that crowd, to a different part of the floor. Phew. 

There was at least a little more space. A little more air to breathe. 

His hands were clinging to his cup as if it was some shield guarding him from any more strangers approaching him. His eyes flickered across the insane amount of heads, looking for a sign of Ezra. But it was impossible. He would never find him like this. 

He cramped out his phone, checking their chat — no signal. Amazing. What a dream. 

This was fine. 

He was fine. 

It was just a party, just some drunk uni students having fun. Nothing scary. Nothing bad. He was one of them. More or less...

He could do this.

He could make it through the night without throwing up from anxiety. 

He let his gaze wander over the crowd again, and — there. He knew that face.

“Anya!”, he called instinctively.

But, wait... Anya? She was not a student at his uni?

She cocked her head around, beaming like a sun when she spotted him standing awkwardly in the corner, frantically waving at her.

“Theo!”, she smiled, pushing herself through the people to get to him. “You're here, too!” She took her cup and clinked it lightly against his.

“Well, yeah, I mean... I go to the same uni as Jackson, so, uh”, he muttered, a little confused to find her here.

Anya rolled her eyes in a 'oh true, silly me' kind of way, her smile unwavering.

“Right, right. Sorry, I've been here for an hour already and...” She raised her cup. “they have a lot of amazing stuff to drink here.”

Anya drank alcohol? He kind of had assumed someone like her wouldn't be a big party person. She and him had always rather been the stay at home nerds during high school. But, hey, it was nice that she was enjoying herself here.

“So, uhm, what are you doing here, though?”, he blurted out. Because, really —why was she here?

Anya grinned at him, her fingers fidgeting slightly with the cup in her hands.

“Ezra invited me!”

Chapter Text

“Wh-what?” Theo almost choked on his own spit, a dull lump forming in his stomach.

Anya gave a heavy nod, cheeks turning slightly blushy.

“He's so sweet, right? Can't find him, though. I've been roaming through the house since I got here.” She let out a tipsy chuckle. “If I didn't know better, I'd think he's hiding from me.”

Theo just stared at her. Mouth dry. Throat tight. Chest cold and stiff... Ezra had invited her, too?

How many people had he invited then? And why her? ...and why him?

He felt his knees starting to tremble.

“Are you looking for him, too? Bet four eyes see more than just two”, Anya joked, nudging him gently with her elbow. “Want to stick together till we find him?”

Did he want to do that? He wasn't sure. His brain wasn't working the way it should. There was just a certain itch in his head, a tiny voice, that made him feel absolutely not great.

“Uh...”, he said, blinking at Anya first, then at the crowd, then at some possible escape routes, then back at Anya. She just kept smiling at him, unaware of the his inner chaos. “I– I think, I'll go looking for the bathroom.”, he mumbled, already pressing himself through the people, trying to get away from her. From that corner. From that conversation. From that situation.

But Anya was quick to follow him. 

“Good idea! Maybe he's there”, she announced as if his escape plan was just the perfect opportunity to look for Ezra together. Hopefully she wouldn't follow him into the bathroom...

Theo just snorted out a hopeless, half-hearted laugh and kept walking. Pushing the door open when he found the bathroom, not checking if Anya was still behind him. He didn't care if she'd wait outside. She seemed drunk enough to leave sooner or later. And even if she wasn't drunk enough, she surely was desperate enough to find Ezra. Once she'd spot him, Theo would be long forgotten in his little bathroom-hiding spot.

His hands curled around the edge of the sink, his breaths coming out slow, shallow — panicked.

He was fine. 

He was fine. 

He was fine. 

He was–

Where was the lavender spray? Hadn't he packed it into his pocket? Fuck. Had he forgotten to take it with him? He was such a useless idiot. What was he supposed to do now?

He stared at himself in the mirror, eyes wide, brows furrowed and raised, cheeks red in a way that indicated that he could break out into tears at any moment. What was wrong with him? He would definitely not cry right now. Not because of something so silly.

Anya being here was not an issue. She just got an invitation from Ezra too. So what? They were all friends.

Or more? Were Anya and Ezra more? Had they been talking regularly since his birthday? Hanging out without him? Just the two of them?

He blinked slowly at himself.

Stop. Stop, you dumb tears! Why was he so easily bothered by this? It was fine. Everything was okay! 

He pulled his phone out to check the signal again. Still not working. FUCK this place — why did he have no signal here? Fucking bullshit house. He stuffed the phone clumsily back into his pocket. Fuck Jackson. And fuck this party. And fuck everyone here.

It was time to leave. Time to go home. 

He would just go out into the yard or even walk down the street. Just as far as he'd have to go to get a bar on his phone, so he could call Maisie. He hadn't been here for long, but fuck it, she just had to come and get him. Now. 

He took a few gaspy, hyperventilating breaths, trying to calm himself down but achieving the opposite. With the back of his hand he wiped the little traitorous tears from his face.

Maybe it was the alcohol that caused those. Yeah. He really shouldn't have drank while being on his meds. 

He looked down at his cup. It was still more than half full. 

Fuck it. 

He put it to his lips, tilted his head back and downed the rest in one go. If he was going to leave now anyway, he wouldn't waste his only drink.

He crumbled the red cup into a messy ball and threw it away into the trash beneath the sink.

Alright. Time to do this.

He didn't hesitate, didn't listen first if Anya might still be behind the door. He just yanked it open with his full strength and then started walking straight through the crowd, aiming at the front door of that little– huge party house. 

But somewhere, from some point beside him, a hand grab him and pulled at him. And before he knew it he was back among the group of girls that had adopted him at the beginning of this horror party.

“There you are!”, the real uni chick giggled, even more drunk now then she had been earlier.

Theo wanted to say something, tell her that he was going to leave now, that he'd had enough of partying for tonight and that he wanted to go home. But then, through the silhouettes of a bunch of drunk people, far back at the other side of the room, he saw him. 

Ezra. 

Carrying a box of bottles toward the guys behind the bar, putting it onto the counter, an exhausted grin on his face. A dimple-grin. He could tell. Even from so far away, he could feel that the dimple was there.

Theo was frozen in his place, the real uni chick standing before him, but too short to block his gaze from Ezra. 

And then — Ezra turned. Only a little. Mid-conversation with one of the bar guys, his lips pausing, movement slowing, as his eyes locked with Theo's across the room. His grin softening, face lighting up, eyes staying fixed on Theo. He didn't break the eyecontact. And for a moment everyone else seemed gone. Everything was empty. There were just the two of them. Ezra and Theo. Theo and Ezra.

...and then that moment ended.

With Anya appearing beside Ezra, throwing her arms around him in a greeting hug, and immediately the heavy knot in Theo's stomach started to tighten again. He felt like vomiting.

“You okay, Theo?” The voice before him finally pulled him out of his pathetic, staring haze.

“Huh?” He blinked down at the real uni chick. “Oh. Yeah, no, I'm good. Sorry, I...” What did he want to say again? His mind was completely blank. Everything got erased, just from Ezra appearing. Just from him being so in reach, and yet talking to Anya. Listening to her. Smiling at her.

“No worries. Want another drink? We're gonna go dancing.”, the real uni chick nudged him, a happy grin plastered on her face.

He looked at her, trying to think of answer. But nothing useful came to mind. So he just shrugged. “Sure.”

And then she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him along with her friends toward the part of the room where people were dancing. And when he looked over his shoulder, finding Ezra one last time before drowning in the crowd, he just locked eyes with him again. Both kind of smiling at each other. Both kind of confused with what was happening... Ezra's body was turned toward Anya, but his eyes followed Theo, brows slightly furrowed now, smile slightly smaller.

And then their eyecontact broke once again, and Theo was among the girls, lazily dancing along with them, surrounded by strangers that seemed to bump into him from all sides, the music being too loud, the air being too thick.

Soon enough someone also shoved a new cup of some disgusting mix into his hand. 

And Theo drank it.

Slowly at first. One sip after the other. But then, somehow, when he went to take another gulp, the cup was already empty.

Someone refilled it for him.

And Theo drank it again. A little faster this time.

His head was a bit lighter now, the tight knot in his stomach a bit easier, his mind a bit buzzy. The real uni chick was before him, laughing and singing along to the lyrics of the songs playing. Lyrics he did not know. And from left and right her girlfriends joined in. Singing, dancing, having fun together. All of them. Just not Theo.

And then, suddenly, one of them snaked her arms around him from behind. Gentle and light, as if trying not to crowd him too much. But it felt trapping either way.

He turned his head around, ready to throw a glare at whoever it was — but got hit with a set of the most tender honey-brown eyes he had ever seen.

“Are you trying to hide from me?”, Ezra grinned lazily, leaning down to his ear so he'd hear him over the music. Suddenly the arms around his waist didn't feel trapping anymore. They felt warm. Safe. Comfortable.

Theo swallowed, still kind of swaying und along to the music, even though Ezra was right behind him now, holding him ever so gently.

“No”, he said, turning around so he could properly face him. No, he'd just thought it more polite to let him have his fun with Anya.

“Are you drunk?”, Ezra chuckled lowly, grinning at him now, gaze wandering down his body and then back up to his face.

Theo felt a rush of heat running up his neck. Hands still on his waist. And he could sense how the girls were starting to look weird at him.

He subtly shoved Ezra's grip off, catching a quick, quizzical look from him in response.

And damn, was Ezra wearing eyeliner? He hadn't even noticed that before. But now, up close — yeah, he was definitely wearing eyeliner.

It looked good. 

“No”, Theo replied again. “Not drunk.” He didn't feel drunk. A bit tipsy maybe. But not full-on drunk. “You?” 

Ezra grinned wider at him, hands hanging uselessly by his sides now. No waist to hold anymore.

 “No, me neither.”, he said slowly. “Glad you came, though.”

And there it was again. That little pang in Theo's chest. That tiny stabbing pain...

Had he said the same thing to Anya? Just a few minutes ago, at the bar?

Ezra noticed the switch in his smile. 

“Hey, are you alright?”

His voice was gentle and quiet enough that hopefully noone else had heard him ask that. Yes, he was alright. No, he did not feel like breaking out into tears again. 

“Yeah”, Theo croaked, giving an only mildly convincing dismissive wave.

Ezra didn't buy it, of course. 

“Come”, he said, twitching to put a hand on his waist again but then deciding to put it on his shoulder instead. “Let's go somewhere less suffocating?”

Theo just let him guide him away. Through the crowd. Away from the girls. Away from the real uni chick, who called after them but didn't follow them. Away from everything.

Chapter Text

“Here.” Ezra handed him a new drink. It smelled a bit sweeter this time. He took a sip — it tasted better, too. “So, tell me. What's wrong? Why the face?”

They were standing by the bar now, half hidden behind some couple making out. A good hiding spot from the girls. And Anya. 

“What face?”, Theo asked, as if he didn't know exactly what he was talking about.

“That face.”, Ezra softly smiled. “You look like you've been gutted.”

Theo rolled his eyes half-heartedly.

“Wow, thanks.”, he dryly muttered, taking a big gulp of his drink. Nice to know he looked like shit.

Ezra chuckled. 

“I'm serious, what's wrong, man?”

He was wrong. He was annoying. And too pushy. And too touchy. There! Even now, when they were in front of, like, all their mates from uni, he was standing way too close to Theo. And keeping his hand on his shoulder in this weird kind-of-supportive way. And also, he probably did all of that to hundreds of others too. Including Anya.

“Nothing's wrong.”, Theo lied. “I'm just...tired.”

Ezra lifted a disbelieving eyebrow. 

“Tired?”, he echoed.

Theo averted his eyes, internally scoffing at the way that man kept pressing this topic. He was fine. Everything was good. 

“Yeah, tired. I...” He tried to add something more believable to his lie. “There's just...this guy, online, that's been a bit annoying lately.” It was the first thing he could think of. Antinous_apologist. And he cringed at himself for bringing that prick up. Especially toward Ezra.

Ezra tilted his head now, looking a little more intrigued than unconvinced.

“A guy online?”, he asked, brows furrowed. “How is he annoying? Is he bothering you?”

Theo gave a short, weird laugh, rolling his eyes yet again. 

“No. He's not bothering me. He's just...just some asshole leaving little comments under my—” He paused, mind spiraling. “—writing.”

“Huh”, Ezra huffed. “So he's leaving hate comments on that book you're writing?”

“Well, it's not exactly that book I've planned...but, uh, yeah. Just some random hater that's been keeping my mood a bit drained I guess.”, he awkwardly put together. Was that believable? Hopefully.

Ezra let go of his shoulder to cross his arms before his chest, standing up taller now, his face turning more serious.

“So, what's his name? I'm sure we can find his address and pay him a little visit.”

Theo blinked up at him, a quiet flutter bubbling up in his chest that he tried to cover with another weird laugh. 

“Pfft”, he made, giving a dismissive wave. “Nah, it's okay. And I don't know his name anyway. Just some miserable loser hiding behind his anonymity. Nothing major, really. No big deal.” But actually — 'paying antinous_apologist a visit'? That sounded amazing.

And he would kind of love to watch Ezra beat that asshole up.

Ezra nodded before him, still tall and serious.

“Fine. If you say so.”, he said, taking his own drink now. “But I trust you on that, bro.”

There it was again.

'Bro'.

Such a simple, meaningless word. But from Ezra's mouth it didn't feel so meaningless at all.

He looked away, then back at him. 

“Yeah...”

Then they stood there, awkwardly. Neither of them knowing where to go with this now. Though Ezra handled the silence a lot more graceful than Theo. With his calm, cool stance, and his lazy yet warming eyes.

“But, so, uhm...”, Theo stammered, swaying nervously back and forth on his heels. “I saw Anya's here, too.”

That was a fact. He had seen Anya. She was here, too. Probably because Ezra had invited her. Most likely because Ezra had invited her. Pretty surely because Ezra had invited her. Because he had wanted her here. 

Ezra's lips twitched into a grin, before letting out a quiet sigh.

“Ah, yes”, he nodded. 

Theo waited for him so say more. But he didn't. So he took another sip from his drink and spoke again. 

“She's nice.” Another fact. She was nice. Very nice even. Not 'I have any non-platonic feelings for her' nice — and least he didn't think so? — but maybe 'Ezra could have any non-platonic feelings for her' nice. That was possible. That was factually possible...

“Figured you'd think that, bro.”, Ezra nodded again. “That's why I invited her.”

Another one of those stabby pains in Theo's chest. Though, he was sure that the alcohol played a significant role in that. What else would it be? That 'bro' thing? The admission that he had invited Anya? Please. All things he had already accepted. And that hadn't even bothered him to begin with. 

But also — why had he invited her because of him? 

“You invited her, because I like her...?”, he asked with a sound that was half-chuckle half-scoff.

Ezra shrugged, grin widening. 

“Well, I invited her because I didn't want to turn her down and possibly hurt a close friend of yours.”

Theo looked at him through tightly furrowed brows now. 

“What?” 

“She kept texting me. Pretty sure she was trying to ask me out.”, Ezra explained with the nonchalance of a massive twat. “Figured this party would be a good opportunity to invite her without actually inviting her, you know? Easy to casually hide in the crowd.” 

Theo scanned him sceptically. 

“Why not just say 'no' if you didn't want to meet her one on one?”, he asked. 

“Like I said”, Ezra shrugged again. “Didn't want to possibly hurt a close friend of yours.”

His eyes were fixed on Theo, watching, waiting. His expression gentle and yet absolutely not hiding his quiet amusement. 

Theo held his gaze. Not wanting to flail and look away again. 

He pressed out a sigh, trying to match Ezra's level of nonchalance. It didn't quite work. 

“We're not that close...”, he muttered, eyes narrowing at the view of Ezra's grin growing wider. “You didn't need to be nice to her just because she's my friend.”

Ezra leaned a bit forward, down to Theo so he could hear him more clearly, lowering his voice a little. 

“Soo...you think I should turn her down then?”

His tone was fond, and patient. But his eyes felt like they were trying to coax a strong nod out of Theo. And Theo almost would've done so. But luckily, he caught himself at the last second.

“I think...you should do whatever you want to do.”, he said.

Ezra chuckled. Low and so goddamn soft that Theo almost wanted to faint right there before him.

“What do you want me to do?”, Ezra asked, faux-innocently. Fuck, his eyes were really just a pair of little manipulators at this point. Holding Theo at gunpoint, trying to get him to give in and blurt out something embarrassing.

But he would not.

“Why would my opinion matter?”, he countered. Not avoiding the question. Just stating yet another fact. He was not involved in whatever Ezra and Anya were doing.

“I don't know”, Ezra sang, leaning even closer. “just feels like you might have thoughts on that.”

Theo huffed out a weak sound. 

“What's that supposed to mean?”

Ezra took a sip of his drink, slowly, holding Theo's gaze over the rim of his cup. Then tilted his head yet another inch closer.

“Feels like you might be jealous or something.”

Theo's heart jumped in his chest, an immediate wave of heat rushing up to his cheeks. Jealous? He?

He let out a admittedly weak scoff, rolling his eyes at him. 

But Ezra didn't take offense in it. No — he stayed exactly where he was, way too close and with that smirky grin on his face.

“But who are you jealous of, Theo?”, he kept musing, quirking one of his eyebrows. “Of me?” Theo felt like straight up bursting into flames at this point. “...or of Anya?” Any moment now. At any moment he would start burning right here under that idiot's honey gaze.

Ezra scanned his face, definitely taking note of how flushed he was. 

“No, I–”, Theo hoarsely objected, voice cracking halfway through the sentence. “I'm not jealous.”

He literally could turn her down or date her — whatever he preferred. Theo didn't care. He had no thoughts on that. He was not jealous. Of neither. 

“Mh”, Ezra hummed, hesitating for a moment, before leaning back, giving Theo finally some space to breathe again. Fuck, their little hiding space had really grown way too fucking hot. “Alright then, bro.” Then he downed his cup, and Theo did the same — his hand shaking as if he was some scared lamb — and then the whole little exchange seemed wiped from the air.

“Up for another drink?”

“Sure.”

Chapter Text

As the night went on 'one more drink' slowly turned into 'five more drinks'. The room started to spin more and more, Theo's awareness of the other people around them faded away, and the awkwardness between him and Ezra almost seemed entirely gone. Their conversations came easier. The proximity more bearable. And by the time midnight was long gone, their entire exchange consisted mostly of slurred comments and helpless giggles.

They were drunk as fuck. And they both knew it.

At one point they had decided to just hide from Anya, and the real uni chick — whose name was Jules, as Ezra had kindly informed him — and everyone else who was familiar. Apparently Jackson and Ezra were more than just acquaintances. They were like, actual friends. So, that guy was also included in their try-to-avoid list. The whole reasoning behind that list? Well... they were drunk, and it sounded like a fun idea.

So, when Ezra heard someone calling his name from across the room, he just grabbed Theo by the wrist and pulled him away from their latest hiding spot. 

“Come!”, he gasped, before bursting into a mess of giggles. And Theo was forced to follow. Almost stumbling over his own feet from the speed of Ezra pulling him along. It all felt like the most hilarious thing ever.

“Wait!”, Theo laughed, as he struggled to keep up. “Where're we goin'?”

He was breathless. And drunk. Not just a little tipsy anymore — fully drunk. 'I can't keep my face from grinning' type of drunk. And Ezra seemed to be in the exact same state.

The alcohol had done a great job at turning them both into a giddy mess of giggles and helpless swaying and stumbling. 

“I...”, Ezra laughed in response, his words turning into another giggle. “Dunno?” And that reply felt, again, like the funniest shit anyone's ever said.

He pulled Theo into some hallway, away from all the party people, and then finally paused there. Giggling and gasping for air.

He let go of Theo's wrist, and just looked at him now, tears in his eyes, eyeliner slightly smudged from how much they were laughing.

“This's so stupid”, Theo slurred, leaning back against the wall, to not fall over in that hallway that kept constantly turning beneath his feet.

“Yeah”, Ezra laughed in agreement, trying to take a gulp from his cup that he had already emptied a whole while ago. “Oh.”

Theo laughed at the disappointment in his face.

“No more drinkin' for Ez”, Ezra pouted.

“You're already drunk'nough”, Theo said in a fake scolding tone, reaching his hand out to take the empty cup away from him.

But Ezra didn't let go of it and instead stumbled forward, crashing clumsily against Theo's shoulder. 

“Oops!”, he laughed. And Theo joined in, shoving him half-heartedly back.

“Asshole”, he giggled, throwing him a not very believable glare.

Ezra just shrugged with a grin, bumping his shoulder into Theo's again. 

“Can't help it, 'm soo drunk”, he slurred through giggles. And Theo shoved him again, lighter this time. Because all his energy was drained by their breathless laughing.

“You're dumb”, he giggled, his hand somehow staying at the shoulder where he had tried to push him away.

Ezra grinned. Wide and drunk. 

“So're you.”

He tried to make a step back, or to the side, or something like that, but ended up just stumbling closer, his forehead clashing against Theo's in a way that actually kind of hurt at first, but just caused them both to giggle even louder.

His hand found Theo's side, steading himself there to not fully fall over. And Theo's heart did a drunken little jump at the touch. 

“Oops”, Ezra grinned again, keeping his hand there, just like Theo had kept his at Ezra's shoulder. 

“Oops”, Theo echoed in a mocking tone. He did not quite believe that this had been a genuine accident... 

But it didn't matter.

It was funny as fuck.

Ezra let his cup slip and drop to the floor, putting his other hand on Theo's waist as well — to properly steady himself in his shitfaced state. 

“You're so... warm”, he noted, fighting through the giggles.

Theo stared up at him, a tear — and actual tear — running down his cheek, from how hard he laughed at that. 

“You too!”

Ezra lifted one of his hands, sloppily wiping Theo's tear from his cheek, giggling at the way his face turned red at the gesture.

“You're so fuckin' pretty”, he slurred, more quietly now, as if it was the most normal thing to say and yet somehow also a secret that'd been trying to slip from his lips for a long time now.

Theo laughed at it, though the sound slowly turned into a nervous sigh. Because Ezra kept looking at him. Kept gently resting his hand on his cheek, and the other on his waist. And then — he even let his eyes drop to Theo's lips.

Theo felt a burst of panic rushing through his body at that. But it quickly got washed over by another wave of drunken giggles.

“Stooop!”, he laughed, not trying to shove him away this time, when Ezra came a little closer. Their foreheads fully leaned against each other now, breaths mingling, chests almost touching.

Ezra chuckled at his protest but obviously didn't take it serious at all. 

And Theo subconsciously brought his second hand up to Ezra's shoulder, trying to keep some appropriate distance between them. It didn't work.

Because his fingers somehow curled into the fabric of Ezra's shirt, basically pulling him further in rather than pushing him away. 

And Ezra's eyes caught a dangerously excited spark at that, his gaze dizzily skipping back and forth between Theo's lips and his eyes.

Something fuzzy and warm started spreading in Theo's chest. But maybe that was just the contact of Ezra coming closer, closing the distance between them. His skin was prickling. His head reeling. His voice squealing with more giggles. 

And then — because it just felt like the most hilarious thing to do at that moment — he tilted his head a little back, letting his lips brush faintly against Ezra's... 

Oops.

...fuck.

They both stood frozen before each other. 

Suddenly feeling way more sober than before.

Eyes wide, bodies stiff, giggles gone. 

“...did...did we just...”, Theo quietly stammered.

But Ezra quickly shook his head, his hand on Theo's waist squeezing it once in a sort of, kind of reassuring manner. 

“Nah, man”, he promised. “That didn't count.”

Theo felt a rush of relief at that, his mouth bubbling out more of their drunk giggles now. Ezra did the same. 

But the hand he had held at Theo's cheek seemed to 'accidentally' sneak its way down to his chin, tilting it back up.

And this time, when Ezra put his lips onto Theo's, it wasn't just a faint touch. It was a full-on mouth on mouth situation. Lips melting into each other. Causing Theo's eyes to go wider than ever.

Ezra grinned when he leaned back again. Just an inch. Just enough to let them both breathe and process this. 

“See?”, he murmured. “That would've been a kiss.”

And Theo choked on a laugh in response. A strange, confused sound coming out his mouth. 

“But... but we didn't do that...so...”, he stammered, gaze darting between Ezra's eyes.

He had just barely brushed Ezra's lips with his. He hadn't put his whole mouth into it like Ezra had done just now. So... that hadn't counted. It had been an accident, basically. A little unintentional touch caused by their unusual proximity.

“No”, Ezra agreed, shaking his head. “Totally didn't do that.”

They looked at each other. 

For one moment. And then another.

Theo felt his heart pumping in his chest, and even worse — they were so close, he could feel Ezra's as well. And it seemed to be just as much in a hurry.

It was quiet.

Too quiet. 

So they kind of both broke out into another round of giggles. And then, somehow, Theo pulled him closer again by his shirt, and Ezra pulled him closer again by his waist, and their lips found each other once more. Drunk and sloppily. Mouths almost missing each other. Teeth clashing. Helpless giggles escaping one mouth and wandering into the other. 

It was funny. It was a joke.

Who wouldn't laugh at that? At the way Ezra's fingers grazed the skin under Theo's shirt. And at the way Theo gasped into their kiss at the sensation. And at the way his hands wandered from Ezra's shoulders to the back of his neck in response.

It was all just funny. 

So god damn funny.

...until one of them let out a sound that wasn't as giddy and lighthearted anymore.

And suddenly their giggles died down. 

And suddenly it wasn't funny anymore. 

Suddenly their kisses weren't as sloppy anymore. Instead they turned slower. More aimed. More hungry. Suddenly their eyes were shut, and their lips slightly parted, in a way that made it practically impossible for Ezra to not slide his tongue into Theo's mouth. Suddenly Theo's fingers found their way into Ezra hair — those soft fucking strands of loose, dark curls. And Ezra's hand fully slipped under the back of Theo's shirt. Tracing up his spine beneath the fabric, searching for any way to press them closer against each other.

Theo's skin was prickling under his fingers, mouth gasping inbetween kisses, hands desperately clinging onto his hair, even slightly pulling on it, in an attempt to control himself and not fully devour that man.

Ezra pressed him a bit more against the wall behind him, fully keeping them chest to chest at all times, tongues mingling in their mouths, subtle sighes slipping into their kiss every time Theo gently pulled on his hair. 

Theo tipped back his head, a helpless sound, something like a whimper, coming out his mouth, at the way Ezra's lips moved to his jaw now. Running along the side of his face, then down to his neck.

“Oh fuck...”, Theo sighed, keeping his eyes pressed shut, fingers cramping around Ezra's hair. And he could feel him grinning against his neck in response.

Ezra gently bit down on his skin, enjoying the spot there, while Theo's mind went completely blank.

Fuck, he thought. Fuck yes.

He just ignored the little voice in the back of his mind that screamed at him. Incoherent words he did not want to listen to. Desperate cries he would deal with tomorrow. Or some other day. Or never.

It was absurd how good this all felt. Ezra's warm body pressed against his. Ezra's lips greedily kissing his skin. Ezra's hand moving across his back as if trying to reach as much of him as possible. Ezra's hair being to fucking soft. Ezra... Just Ezra really. 

He finally felt him leaning back a little, both their breaths coming out in heavy gasps, eyes half-lidded, faces flushed, hair messy — at least Ezra's. 

And Theo found himself pressing out the most hopeless, wrecked laugh his voice had ever produced. 

“...that was so funny”, he slurred breathlessly. 

And Ezra strongly nodded. “Hilarious.”

Chapter Text

They stood there in that position for a while then. Just looking at each other, listening to the other's breathing. How the air between them slowly started to calm back down, how their nervous gasps turned back into giddy giggles. How everything just seemed to become a bit less hot.

But it was funny, still.

How they were hiding there, in an empty hallway. Like some high-school couple skipping class to secretly make out by the lockers. Theo imagined what it would have been like if someone had caught them.

Jackson. Or Jules. Or Anya. Or literally anyone else. 

They would've probably thought they were, like, actually kissing.

He giggled at that thought. 

“What's so funny?”, Ezra grinned, idly running his hand along Theo's side, fingertips still dipped beneath his shirt, as if they belonged there now.

“Nothing, just—” He tried to explain it to him, but his voice faded into another set of giddy, high-pitched laughter. And Ezra's grin widened at that.

“Shit”, he chuckled. “Think we better get you outta here before you start hyperventilating on those giggles.”

“Am not even that drunk”, Theo laughed, shaking his head. “You've had more.”

Ezra slightly pinched him in the side, just to coax another squeal from Theo's lips, his grin widening even more at that sound.

“Nnnkay, we're both wasted then”, he shrugged in drunk amusement. “Even more reason to leave this party and go home.”

Theo nodded with a sigh. He did feel pretty drunk...

“Okay”, he muttered in defeat. He'd have to go find a place in this house where he could get some signal to call Maisie then. 

MAISIE—

“But wait!”, he gasped, scrambling for his phone in his pocket.

Ezra giggled at his sudden hurry, watching him struggle with his lock screen.

“What's wrong?”

Theo managed to open the camera, his hand being shaky enough from the alcohol to not even properly meet the shutter button with his thumb.

“I need to take pictures for Maisie!”

He hectically lifted his phone, taking a far too blurry picture of the dark hallway. Would that be enough?

Ezra laughed, taking the phone from his hand. 

“Here.” His hand was a bit steadier. “Le'me help.” 

He wrapped his arm fully around Theo's waist, pulling him into a kind of side-hug, switching the phone to front-camera and aiming it at them. 

Oh shit, Theo looked like an absolute mess... 

...which was hilarious and caused him to break out into giggles yet again. 

Ezra pressed the button, capturing them both mid-laugh. And then again, while he made a silly face into the camera. And then again, while he lowered himself, just a little, to get his face on the same height as Theo's. And then again, while he turned his face toward him. 

“You'll send them to me too, yes?”, he murmured. And Theo squealed at the ticklish feeling of Ezra's breath hitting his ear. 

He nodded. 

So Ezra took another picture. This time while placing a soft kiss on Theo's cheek.

This probably wasn't exactly what Maisie had had in mind when she had asked him to take picture of the party. But whatever.

“D'you know if there's anywhere I can call her?”, Theo giggled.

“Your sister?”

“Yeah. Need her to pick me up.”

Ezra lowered the phone and handed it back to Theo, still keeping his face right by his ear.

“You don'wanna crash at my place?”, he murmured with a fake-pout. “I was serious about that offer.”

Theo felt a fuzzy shiver rushing down his spine.

He shook his head, still giggling. 

“Maisie would prob'ly think I'm hooking up with someone from uni.”

Ezra snorted out a low laugh.

“Oh no. Wouldn't want her to think that”, he agreed, his pout twitching into a grin. “Think the storage room over there has signal.” He pointed at one of the doors further down the hall.

Theo gave a thankful nod, then clumsily freed himself from Ezra's embrace and started to sway toward that room. Fuck, he was dizzy. Everything was buzzing and spinning. 

“Want me to guide you?”, Ezra called after him, the grin evident in his voice.

Theo raised one of his hands and gave some sort of wave that was meant to be dismissive, then stumbled into the storage room. 

It was colder here. And quieter. He missed Ezra. 

With his hands still shaky, he opened his contacts and scrolled down to Maisie. And then he just prayed that his finger hit the right number and lifted his phone up to his ear.

It beeped. Once. Twice. 

Then a clicking sound came out the speaker, and shortly after his sister's voice.

“Almost five hours! I'm impressed”, she said.

Theo had to process that for a moment. 

“—what?”

Maisie chuckled on the other end of the call. 

“I said: almost five hours! That's not half bad for someone who usually doesn't enjoy parties.”, she explained.

“Oh!”, Theo grinned. “Yeah 'twas lot more fun than expected.”

“REALLY? Oh my— What happened? Any juicy drama?” She gasped in excitement. “Was there any snogging happening? TELL ME!”

Theo giggled helplessly into the phone, barely getting a response out his mouth. 

“Okay, okay!”, he laughed. “I'll tell you in the car, a'right?”

Maisie made some muffled, impatient curses, then held the phone closer to her mouth again. 

“Fine. I'll be there i a second. Maybe less.”

And she really did get there quicker than when she had dropped Theo off a few hours earlier. But — to her devastating disappointment — there wasn't much Theo told her on their way home. Because once his ass hit the passenger seat, he practically immediately dozed off. Head leaned against the window, alcohol-drenched saliva drooling from his mouth, face still flushed from the evening...

Chapter Text

“I'm glad you made it. It's been a while since our last session. Would you like to just pick up where we left off?”

Theo stared blankly at her. Well, not at her. More like — through her. He was so tired that everything was just a blur before his eyes. Or maybe it was the hangover. He couldn't even tell anymore at this point. His mind seemed completely separated from his body. Floating somewhere here in the air. Not really taking note of what Dr. Winton was saying.

But what he did take note of was the continuous buzzing in his pocket. The signal of a new message coming in. There had been a few of those buzzes so far. The last one only two minutes ago. And he knew who it was that was sending them. Of course he knew. And he also knew why Ezra was sending them.

He did not dare to check. Dr. Winton probably wouldn't have minded, she could clearly hear the buzzing too anyway. But he wanted to just block it all out. He did not want to think about it. He did not want it to be real. He did not want to read those messages. The first one had been enough.

He had read it last night. After getting home. Shortly before passing out on his bed. Fucking luckily he had passed out!

Because when he had woken up the morning after, he found himself awkwardly caught in his own shirt, the fabric pulled half way over his head. And he had known. He had remembered...

Ezra's little “did u get home safe? ;)” text. 

His giddy, drunken, idiotic, giggly reaction to it. 

And how he had gotten far too excited about the idea of being the one to send a shirtless picture this time.

Thank fucking god, he passed out, yes. A moment longer, and he would've managed to get his shirt off and actually take that damn picture. And then send it.

Fuck no.

Blessed be whatever god had knocked him out before he could do that.

And then? In the morning? The message was still there, in their chat. Unanswered and haunting. Followed by another few messages of just question marks. Obviously. Because Ezra was an insanely impatient guy, and because Theo was an absolute moron who had not responded.

He should've though. In the morning. When he was normal again. When everything was normal again. But he hadn't been able to bring himself to do it.

Because—

Because WHAT THE FUCK had happened?

He had spent an entire hour just silently sitting there in his bed, shaking. Panicking. Internally crying and screaming and shouting and cursing.

It had felt so funny the night before. Oh, so fucking funny. Like the biggest fucking joke the world had ever seen. 

Just him and Ezra. Just two guys sharing a drunken set of sloppy kisses. FUCK.

How the hell had that happened? How had he let himself get so drunk? So goddamn fucking drunk? To not even be aware of his own actions! Of Ezra's actions? Of both their actions!

He knew he shouldn't have drunk any alcohol while being on medication! What a stupid, brainless idiot would do something like that? Theo, of course. Jesus Christ. Fuck.

And they had class together. This afternoon. This fucking afternoon.

Right after therapy.

He'd go home and eat lunch with Maisie and then jump into Mr. Brooks' video call, and— and—

He didn't know what to do. 

The best option would probably be to ignore it. Act as if nothing had happened. How high were the chances that Ezra had been so drunk that he didn't have any memories of it now?

Pretty low. Given that his phone buzzed again in his pocket now. Ezra was probably pissed, or worried, since Theo had not given him any reply. 

He would have to address it.

He would have to talk about it.

With Ezra.

Holy fucking hell, please no... 

“Theo?”

He snapped out of his spiraling trance. 

“Huh?” He looked at Dr. Winton. She was waiting. Probably already saying his name for the fourth or fifth time now.

“Would you like to pick up where we left off last time?”, she gently repeated herself, before scribbling down something in her little notebook.

“Sorry. Yeah, I, uh... Sure.” He cleared his throat. “Where— where did we leave off again?”

She gave him a small, compassionate smile. A nice gesture. But it kind of made him feel like a lost child right now.

“If my notes are correct, then we were talking about your father—”

“Oh, yeah. No. Let's not do that today.”, he quickly muttered, wiping the topic with his hands from the air. He was hungover and had a whole fresh mess bothering his mind. He did not have the capacity to deal with that right now.

Dr. Winton nodded. 

“That's okay. No hurry, we can talk about that another time.” She took more notes. Then: “So, do you maybe just want to give me a quick rundown on what you've been up to lately?”

He sighed. Well...that would at least be better than talking about his dad.

“Nothing much going on”, he mumbled, looking at his hands now. They were fiddling with a loose string on the hem of his shirt. “I'm taking my meds.”

“That's good”, Dr. Winton said, in that soft reassuring therapist-voice. “And do they help? Do you feel any changes in terms of your depression?”

He shrugged, weakly. 

“Don't know... They make me more tired, I think.”

She nodded, taking notes again.

“Hm, yes, I'm afraid that can be quite the bothersome side-effect.”, she said. “And I remember last time you also mentioned that you fear they might be affecting your libido too. May I ask if that is still correct?”

His stomach completely dropped at that. Why couldn't he just die right here and now?

“Uh, yeah no, that's— that is...” He stammered, looking for the right word. “I, uhm... I suppose that's not an issue after all.” His face was glowing red.

And Dr. Winton nodded once more. 

“That is good.”

“...yeah.”

He decided to just block out everything from the last few weeks at this point. No Ezra. No party. No antinous_apologist. No chapter 17. No hoodies. No kisses. No jerking off. No shirtless selfies. No nothing. 

“Do you want to share a little more about what your days have looked like since our last session?”, Dr. Winton kept pressing. Obviously she had to be this pushy. She was a therapist. His therapist. And Theo didn't really give her anything to work with here. But...how was he supposed to erase his entire mind when she kept asking him questions about his life?

Urgh, therapy was tough.

He shifted on that big leathered armchair he was sitting in, a nervous breath coming out his lips.

“Well, I'm still in uni. Taking online classes.”, he explained. “Still hanging out with Maisie a lot. She's actually got a boyfriend now. Hector.”

“How fun”, Dr. Winton smiled. She knew about his love for Greek mythology, of course.

Theo forced himself to return the smile. 

“Yeah. They're kind of perfect for each other. And he has a dog, too. Her name's Coffee. I got to meet her on my birthday, and we actually got along quite well. She's one of those calmer puppies, I guess.”

“That sounds really nice, Theo. Good for you to face your fear of dogs.”

He scrunched his nose a bit at that. He had respect for dogs. Not a full-on fear of them. But whatever... 

“Yeah... Well, and I got along with Hector too, of course.”

Dr. Winton chuckled. 

“That's great.”, she said. “Did the four of you order pizza and watch that museum movie you love?”

He felt a cold shiver running down his spine.

“Uhh... we did go for a hike first. And did archery.” And he saw Ezra's rippling abs in real life, circa five meters away from him. But no worries, because last night he got to actually feel them. Yeah. Right there, pressed against his chest. Ha-ha. Someone should really drag him down, six feet deep into the floor right now. Please. “But— but we did watch the movie afterwards, yeah.”

“Just the four of you?”

'SHUT UP', he wanted to yell. How did she know? How did she always know? Dr. Winton was even worse than Maisie when it came to reading his mind.

“Nah, just me and... a friend.”

“A friend?”

He swallowed. 

“Yeah, we're friends, I mean— I wouldn't say best friend. We barely really know each other. But I wouldn't say acquaintance either, because we've... we've...” His voice cracked for a moment, the blood rushing like a loose enemy through his veins. “We've watched that movie together. Yeah.”

Dr. Winton looked at him, brows furrowing in a way that just told him that she was about to try and dig deeper into this. Why had even had to bring it up? Fucking hell...

“Oh... I was merely excited to find that you've made a friend actually. But it's good to hear that you two seem to be close.”

“Not that close.”, he mumbled under his breath.

“And how did the two of you meet?”

He pulled the loose string on his shirt a little, probably ruining the perfectly fine fabric with that. But he didn't mind.

“Uni.”

“That's great. So you two often get to see each other?”

More often than he'd liked. 

“I suppose.”

“And I guess you must really like her then, since you spent your birthday with her?”

He almost choked on his own spit. 

“No!”, he croaked.“ No, it's not like that. She's— He's a guy. Ezra's a guy. We're...guys.” Probably? He still wasn't entirely sure how exactly Ezra was or was not a dude. But in this case here right now, he definitely was just a man. Like Theo. Two men. No girls. No not-friends. No...whatever Dr. Winton might've thought of.

“Ah.”, she said, short and quiet. Then she wrote something down in a more intense speed than ever before, while her eyes stayed glued on Theo. “And how would you describe this Ezra?”, she asked, fully intrigued now. “Just so I can have a clearer picture of him.”

Theo sank a little deeper in his seat, sighing in frustration. Why did she need a description? He only ever had to give description of people that were actually relevant in his life. Family members mostly. And, funnily enough, Mr. Brooks. Because he had spent an entire session babbling about his incompetence once. Whoops.

“Tall...like, taller than me, I guess. And far too smug about it.”, he begrudgingly started. Dr. Winton gave a quiet laugh. He started chewing on his lip. “Brown eyes. Similar to a sort of honey-brown, I suppose, but... not sure about that. And dark, soft hair. And a little dimple right here, when he grins.” He pointed at his cheek. “And massive hands, and I really mean — massive. Like, if he really tried he could probably embrace my whole waist with those fingers. It's so weird. And also his arms? Just as huge. And his abs?” He paused and blinked for a moment. “Well, he... he likes to run around shirtless. That's what I'm trying to say... He's very confident in his looks, I guess.” And rightfully so, unfortunately.

Dr. Winton looked at him, scanning his face for a while. Probably waiting for him to go on. But Theo left it at that.

“Alright”, she finally smiled. “He sounds really interesting. I'm glad that you found someone like that. Surrounding yourself with people is always a good thing, Theo. Especially when it's people whose presence brings you comfort.”

Did Ezra's presence do that? Did it bring him comfort? Right now it felt more like he'd start screaming or possibly even crying if he walked into Ezra. That did not sound very comforting to him.

“May I suggest a little piece of homework that you can try to do until our next session?”, Dr. Winton asked. 

“Depends on the homework...”, he muttered. Those therapy homeworks were usually either 'try to have fun' or 'try to write a list of at least ten things that make you feel sad and at least thirty things that bring you joy'.

Dr. Winton gave him another one of her kind smiles. 

“Try to tell Ezra about one of these impressions your have of him.”, she suggested. And when Theo's expression turned a little confused, she added: “For example — if you like how soft his hair is, you could tell him that. See how it feels to pronounce it out loud to him. Or how his reaction to the compliment makes you feel.”

He internally groaned at that homework. 

“Okay... I guess I can try that the next time we meet.”

It was right then and there that he made the final decision to never meet him again. No, he would strategically avoid Ezra at all costs from now on. No more texting. No more turning his camera on during online classes. No more after-lesson video chats. That was how he would handle their little troubling situation. If he would never see him again, he would never have to do his homework. And — more importantly — he would never have to talk about what had happened at that party. 

It was perfect. An amazing plan. 

Once the therapy session was over, he had to take the bus back home. And though he was still feeling weird and moody and down and exhausted, he at least felt that tiny bit of relief of being rid of Ezra. 

And he realized that at some point during the session, the buzzing in his pocket had even stopped. So, maybe Ezra had also decided to stop engaging with him. 

He pulled out his phone while exiting the bus at the stop before his building, and exhaled deeply, before openening his chat with uni chick. 

The first message Ezra had sent last night was still at the top of the screen. 

“did u get home safe? ;)” 

With — again — luckily no response from Theo. 

Then, beneath it, a series of question marks. 

“???” 

“?????” 

“?? :(” 

And beneath that, even more messages. 

“r u OK?”

“did the monsters get u??”  

“theo :(” 

And then one last message. 

“OK nvm!! maisie told me u r busy :)” 

Theo snorted at that. Maisie?

He walked the stairs up to the apartment and rang the bell. 

Why would he talk to Maisie? How would he talk to Maisie?

Steps approached inside. 

And then the door opened. And Theo's heart sank to the deepest pit of his stomach.

Fuck no...

Chapter Text

“Oh.”

That was all he managed to croak out. 

One single, quiet, wrecked 'oh'.

While the world seemed to collapse around him. His perfect plan — gone in an instant.

“Nice to see you too.”, Ezra smiled, standing there, calm as ever. In the doorframe to Theo's and Maisie's apartment. As if he lived there now. As if he belonged there now. As if he had any reason to be there.

Theo swallowed hard, fingers trembling by his sides. 

“...what are you doing here?”, he asked, voice as quiet and weak as a breath.

Ezra opened his mouth to give him an answer, but Maisie was quicker. Jumping toward the door like an excited puppy noticing their human had returned from a shopping trip. 

“Thank god. We've been hoping you'd get here before the risotto gets cold. Great timing.”

She gently pushed Ezra aside and then just grabbed her brother by his arm and pulled him along with her toward the kitchen.

“I said I'd be back at twelve...I'm ten minutes early even.”, Theo mumbled. Why was Ezra here?

“Well, I miscalculated the time the risotto needed. But don't worry. Like I said, you luckily made it home before it could turn cold. Now sit.” She pushed him down onto one of the chairs.

“Okay”, he muttered. Why was Ezra here?

“Oh, and also—” She lifted the lid off the pot that was placed in the middle of the table, causing a warm cloud to rise and vanish into the air. “Ezra was so kind to help me cook today. So if it tastes amazing, the credit's partially his.”

His eyes darted to Ezra, who was slowly sinking down on the seat opposite of his, a crooked smile tugging on his lips now. 

“I just grated the cheese.”, he shrugged, still far too calm for Theo's taste.

“Oh.”, he mumbled in response. “Cool.” Why was he here?

Maisie filled up their bowls with risotto. One after the other. Causing an unbearable silence between the three of them, that she only broke once she sat herself down and started taking a spoonful of her own delicious creation. 

“So. How was your dentist appointment?”

He blinked at her. Unmoving on his seat. There was no way he would get any food down right now. 

“Dentist appointment?”, he echoed stupidly.

Maisie gave a meaningful nod. 

“Yeah, your dentist appointment that you just came back from. How was it?”

...oh.

Oh.

Oh.

“Ohh that dentist appointment!”, he tried, eyes flickering to Ezra before switching quickly back to her. “Yeah, it was, uh, good.” He cleared his throat. “They gave me that...thing.”

“A sedative”, Maisie helped him out.

“Yes! Exactly.” He fidgeted with that loose string on his shirt again, under the table. “Got me a little, you know, dizzy, I guess.” And then he huffed out a forced laugh, daring to look at Ezra again, who had genuine concern written all over his face. Fuck, why the hell was he here?

“Mhm”, Maisie agreed, trying to sell this little white lie she seemed to have told Ezra. “You see, Theo's a bit anxious around dentists. So, sedation is the way to go.”

Wait. What?

“Well, I'm— I'm not that anxious...”, Theo corrected.

“Anxious enough to need a sedative.”, Maisie countered, shooting him another, firmer meaningful nod. And he begrudgingly let her win this.

All the while, Ezra was just watching. Witnessing Theo's badly hidden panic spiral first hand.

“You didn't respond to my messages.”, he said, eyes fixed on Theo.

Yes, and he hadn't responded for a damn good reason.

Now WHY WAS HE HERE? 

“Uhm...” Theo meekly mumbled, stabbing his risotto idly with his fork. “...dentist appointment.” 

What a weak fucking excuse. Were you even able to get your teeth fixed when you're still completely hammered from the night before? Fuck, he probably could see right through his lies. 

But Ezra just nodded anyway. 

“Figured I should drop by to check if you're okay after last night.”, he shrugged, taking a spoon of his risotto. “Was a pretty wild party.”

Oh god. No. This was happening. Fuck. Okay. They were doing this. Alright. Fuck. Alright.

“Yeah”, Theo agreed, cheeks growing warm, throat tightening, voice getting dangerously close to cracking. “I don't think I've ever... had that much alcohol. I'm surprised I didn't throw up.”

Ezra smiled lazily at him.

“Did you have a headache in the morning? 'Cause, I swear, mine was actively trying to kill me.”, he chuckled softly.

Theo slightly shook his head, taking note of how Maisie had become the silent witness in this conversation now.

“Just a little”, he mumbled.

Ezra hummed.

“It's probably the tequila.”

“Yeah, probably.” Theo had no idea what different things had been mixed into his drinks yesterday. And he wouldn't have known whether or not tequila was an infamous cause for hangover-headaches anyway.

They both looked at each other now. And though their conversation was lighthearted, Theo could feel how their shared glance was most likely meant to try and figure whether or not the other person could remember that one specific part of the previous night.

After a moment of silence, they both started to speak at the same time. 

“So, uh—”

“Well, I—”

They paused, blinking at each other, a grin tugging at Ezra's lips. 

“Sorry”, he said. “What were you going to say?”

And Theo swallowed. 

“I... I just wanted to thank you.” His voice was far too awkward. “For, you know, inviting me. It was fun.”

Ezra's eyes lit up at that. 

“Yeah?” 

Theo's cheeks grew even warmer.

“Yeah, I mean— the music was nice. And the other people from uni. And Jackson's house.”, he stammered. 

Ezra nodded, still holding the eye contact, beaming like a happy little ball of sunshine. 

“Yeah. I had fun, too.”, he agreed. Phew. Alright. So it wasn't all bad at least. It had been a fun night. A funny night. No big deal. “We should... do that again sometime.”

Theo felt his heart jumping at that. 

“Totally.“ He kept nervously stabbing the risotto, unable to stop his own blabbering. “Maybe with less drinking, though.”, he mumbled, forcing out another hoarse laugh. “Think I've already learned my lesson this time...”

Ezra's smile faltered a little at that. Just a tiny bit. Just for a second. Anyone else would've probably missed it. But Theo had noticed it. And then he blinked and Ezra's picture perfect grin was back in place. 

“Hah, yeah...” He looked down at his food, seemingly drifting off with his thoughts for a moment, before looking back up at Theo. “But we still had a good time though, right? Like you said, you had fun. I mean, you did enjoy...the party. Yes?”

His eyes were flickering between Theo's now. And even though his face and overall demeanor were as cool and unbothered as always, something just told Theo that he would completely collapse if he didn't give him a positive answer to that. 

He swallowed. 

“Yeah, sure. Yes. Absolutely. It was super fun. Hilarious even, like—” He gave a helpless, meaningless little gesture with the spoon in his hand. “Like, just a funny, silly, drunk night of partying and— and— just fun, really. Big fun. Yeah.” His voice felt as if it was two pitches too high, and his heart was pumping so loudly in his chest, he feared it might burst through his rips and onto his uneaten portion of risotto.

Ezra leaned slightly back in his chair, the earlier beamy light faded from his face.

“Yeah...big fun”, he quietly echoed.

And then the kitchen went silent again. And Theo could feel Maisie's gaze burning into his side. But he didn't look at her. He didn't dare to look at her.

He hadn't even had a chance to talk to her about anything that had happened last night. Yesterday he had been too gone. And this morning he had just told her he'd have to leave for therapy and would be back at twelve.

Not that he would have wanted to tell her anything specific. Actually, all he could think of right now, was that one short part of the party he would have definitely not wanted to tell her... 

“Oh, by the way”, Ezra spoke up again, as if he had just remembered something incredibly important. “you haven't sent me the pictures yet.”

And something inside Theo just imploded at that. Maybe his lungs. Maybe his stomach. He wasn't sure. 

“You took pictures?”, his sister cheered, already leaning forward as if waiting for Theo to put on a slide show for them right this instant.

He was frozen. Turned into a robot. Barely managing to pull out his phone. Not because his hands were shaky like they had been last night, but because he dreaded to even look at the photos himself.

But Ezra didn't back down. Of course he didn't. No, it actually almost felt like he was challenging him. Daring him to open these pictures. To acknowledge them. To show them.

Fuck. 

He opened his gallery and clicked on the blurry hallway picture he had tried to take.

“Show me!”, Maisie begged impatiently.

He ignored her, and swiped to the next picture. 

Ah, yes.

Here they were — him and Ezra smiling straight into the camera.

God, he had looked like an absolute wreck. Holy shit.

He swiped a bit further.

Here they were making funny faces.

And here Ezra just looked at him while Theo grinned into the camera. 

And here Ezra had murmured into his ear that he wanted those pictures. 

And here— Yep, here he had pressed his lips onto Theo's cheek. 

His breath slightly hitched. He could not share these. Neither with Ezra, nor with Maisie. These pictures made that whole drunken scene between look way too real. As if they had actually done something. As if they had really kissed. Not just as a drunk joke. 

Maisie would think Ezra was like... gay or something.

She would think he was gay or something.

“So?”, she whined again, holding her hands open, waiting for Theo to give her his phone. 

He didn't, of course. 

“Uh... yeah, seems like we really were like, totally gone”, he muttered with a forced smile. “They turned out super blurry, I'm afraid.” It was a tiny, little, necessary lie for the greater good. Saving both his and Ezra's dignity. 

“All of them?”, Ezra asked.

Theo nodded. 

“Yeah, sorry. I...” He let his thumb hover over his display. “I guess I better just delete these.”

But he didn't. 

He couldn't. 

For whatever reason, his thumb could just not press that damn delete button. 

So he just acted as if he'd deleted them. And then stuffed his phone away. 

And when he met Ezra's eyes again — for the first time since he'd met him, his face didn't carry that typical dimple grin. Not even a normal grin. Not even a small smile. It was just... neutral.

Heartbreakingly neutral.

His gaze scanning Theo's in a way that made him wish he had never joined that damn group with uni chick in Mr. Brooks' class.

He almost wanted to apologize. But for what? What had he done? Everything was good. Everything was fine.

“Aw man, that sucks.”, Maisie sighed. “But oh well. Maybe next time.”

He didn't give her any reaction.

He just gently pushed his seat back and rose to his feet, suddenly noticing how much his knees were trembling.

“...class is starting soon.”, he mumbled.

If Ezra would leave now, he'd probably still be able to join the call on time. And, if Ezra would leave now, Theo would still be able to get few minutes of screaming into his pillow in before joining the call as well.

“Oh! You see, I was actually thinking — wouldn't it be fun if you two just joined Mr. Brooks' online class together? I mean, Ezra's already here. A nice coincidence. Super convient for the two of you.”, Maisie smiled.

Theo wanted to curse her. 

He awkwardly stood there now, gaze flickering helplessly around, between the floor, and Ezra, and the wall, and Maisie, and the floor again.

“I'm sure Ezra would prefer to join from his own laptop. So he can have his own notes at hand.”

Ezra quietly snorted at that.

Noone ever took notes in Mr. Brooks' class.

“I don't think he'll mind having to share yours for one lecture. Do you, Ezra?”

Theo shot her a semi-subtle glare.

“Maisie...”

Why couldn't she just take a hint for once? He wanted him gone!

Ezra rose from his seat as well now. 

“No, I don't mind.”, he grinned. The sulky look from just a few seconds ago gone.

Wow.

Great.

Amazing.

Theo just stared at him, too stunned to protest.

“Oh, also”, Ezra murmured, as he just walked past him, already aiming for his room as if them joining the class together was already decided now. “I think, you've got a little something there, bro.” And he gestured at the side of his neck.

Theo immediately froze, his hand shooting up to feel his skin where the collar of his shirt had apparently shifted a little too far to the side. Fuck. 

Chapter Text

Everything felt as if he was caught in a slow-motion video. His feet dragging him after Ezra, into his room, toward his bed.

He could hear his own heartbeat in his throat. And he could feel the burning mark of that cursed bruise Ezra's little bite last night had left on his neck. A symbol of shame. Of derision. Of idiocy.

He just had to be funny, huh? Funny drunk Theo with funny drunk Ezra. Making funny drunk jokes.

He wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole. 

Ezra was making himself comfortable on his mattress, gaze focused to the right. To Theo's bedside table. To the hoodie.

Fuck, this was a nightmare.

Where they really going to do this now? Just lie in bed and join Mr. Brooks' class together? Act as if Theo's entire body wasn't trembling from the awkward tension. From the memories. From the haunting image of what Ezra had looked like in that hallway, all up in his face, murmuring into his ear...

But then again—of course, they were going to do this now.

Things did not have to weird between them. There wasn't anything weird between them. It was just Theo's socially unusable brain twisting reality again. Making a fun little night into something bigger, something wrong. When it obviously wasn't. It was good. It was fine.

They would probably laugh about it as soon as he'd figure out how to get rid of the awkwardness he just always had to bring into their friendship. 

“So” He cleared his throat. “you really don't mind sharing my laptop?”

Ezra freed his gaze from the hoodie and looked at Theo again, a quiet smile on his lips.

“Like I said, I don't mind, bro.”, he shrugged, scooting over on the bed to make some room for Theo. “Do you?”

Yes. 

“No.”

He grabbed his laptop from where he had left it on his desk and sheepishly climbed onto the mattress, as if he was trying to carefully breach the walls of Troy without getting caught. Ezra just chuckled.

“Not going to lie, bro, I'm kind of looking forward to not having to turn my camera on.”, he said. And Theo slowly returned the grin.

“Yeah. Especially now. Everyone's probably looking like a mess after last night.”, he agreed.

“I'm excited for the guy that took those jello shots and then immediately threw up through his nose.”, Ezra laughed in mischief.

Theo snorted. This was good. This was light. 

“Maybe we can see some jelly bits in his nostrils.”, he joked, typing in the url of their uni's video call site. Ezra stayed leaned back, but he could feel his eyes watching him work on the laptop.

“Bro. Imagine if he didn't remember that and just woke up to the smell of jelly and vomit and some green goo around his nose.”

Theo could see his grinning face in the reflection of his screen. 

“That would haunt me forever. Poor guy.”, he mumbled in light amusement. Though not as poor as the guy that pressed his lips onto his friend's mouth.

He clicked onto the button that connected them to the call. This was probably the first time ever that he'd be punctual to Mr. Brooks' class. Thanks to Ezra. Or Maisie. Or god. Or whoever it was that brought him into this situation.

“Oh, look”, Ezra laughed, pointing at the screen from half behind, half beside Theo, his arm brushing his shoulder for a solid second. “That's the face of someone who does not remember.”

Theo chuckled at that, leaning subtly to the left to avoid any further accidental contact.

The jello shot guy was sitting in front of his laptop. Heavy bags under his eyes, the hood of his hoodie tugged deep into his face to sort of hide his pale skin, lips visibly dry, and an expression that screamed regret. Ezra was definitely right. That guy had woken up to a bad surprise.

“Imagine going through all of that and then having to sit through four hours of Mr. Brooks' opinionated speech about Mary Ainsworth.”, he snorted.

Ezra kept grinning, tilting his head a little. “Hey, Mary Ainsworth isn't even that bad, bro. Attachment theory is ten times more interesting than any of that Freudian stuff Mrs. Prettson keeps bringing up in her lessons. You could learn a thing or two, actually.”

Theo furrowed his brows, looking at Ezra through the reflection.

“Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?”

Ezra tilted his head further, grin softening. 

“I'm just saying, bro...”

“Saying what?”

He didn't have any issues with his attachment style. Mary Ainsworth didn't have anything on him.

Ezra didn't answer. He just held his gaze over their reflection, having that damn look on his face. Like he could see Theo. Like he could read Theo. Like he could pry open his skull and find a tiny little guy in there, curled up on the floor, whining about how scared he was of letting people in.

That guy didn't exist. Ezra was imagining things. Or... Theo was imaging Ezra imaging things... Either way, he was fine. No attachment issues.

His phone lit up, a new message coming in.

He swiped it open, checking who had texted him. 

Jules. 

The real uni chick. 

“Theooo! <3 where are u, why can't i see u?”

Oh great. Another person taking note of Theo's religiously turned off camera. If he kept making people aware of his existence, he might eventually find himself forced to turn on his camera and let them see him, after all... urgh. 

He looked up at the screen, finding her video. 

She was sitting in her bed as well. Having a friend over as well. One of the girls she had been with last night. Alright, so Theo and Ezra joining the call together wasn't all that weird after all. He had known it. And upon further inspection, he noticed that a bunch of other people had someone in their video as well. Some were even three or four people. Okay. Alright. All good.

Obviously, it was all good. He really had to stop worrying. Many people stayed at their friend's place after a party. They had a sleep over. Or were just too drunk to make it back to their own home. It wasn't weird that Ezra was here. It wouldn't come off as strange even if people would've been able to see them right now.

“Who are you texting, bro?”, Ezra asked, leaning a little forward to not-so-subtly peek at Theo's phone.

“Just Jules”, he muttered, debating what to reply to her text.

“Oh, you gave her your number last night?”

Theo could faintly feel Ezra's breath hitting his shoulder as he came even closer, fully leaning over now to see what they were texting about. 

“No. I think she just looked me up in the class' register.”, he said, intending to shrug, but not doing so, because his shoulder would definitely hit Ezra's chin if he did.

“Cute.”

What kind of tone was that?

He hesitated before typing in the reply to Jules' message, under Ezra's eyes.

“I'm at home. I just have my camera off. Sorry!”

He hit 'send'.

Ezra breath came out rougher now. Almost like a scoff. But Theo wasn't sure. Maybe he'd imagined that. 

“You don't have to have it off. Could turn it on if you like. Bro.”, he mumbled, looking at Theo through the corner of his eyes.

Theo met his gaze.

“I thought we agreed that we both prefer to keep it turned off.”

Ezra smiled. In a crooked, sly, dimple-y kind of way.

“Bro, we probably look the most presentable out of everyone in that call, don't you think?”, he argued. “I mean, if you want Jules to be able to see you — go ahead. Don't let me stop you.”

He did not want Jules to be able to see him. 

But the voice Ezra used here was... challenging. Like the one he had used back in the kitchen, when he had asked Theo to share those pictures. Or like the one he had used in that cursed hallway, when he had mumbled something about Theo being pretty.

That was a lie — he hadn't 'mumbled something about Theo being pretty'. He had said: “You're so fucking pretty.” Quiet and soft and with all the intention of a hungry hyena. And in that fucking challenging tone. Like he had known — like he still knew now — that Theo was far too easily provoked by it.

“Alright”, he just said, voice a little hoarse.

He tapped the button at the bottom of the call window, turning his camera on, before he could even begin to think about whether or not it was actually a good idea. But here they were now. Sitting together in his bed. His hair a little messy, his eyes a little tired, his posture a little hunched over. While Ezra looked like an absolute god next to him, of course. Like always. Annoying asshole. 

Chapter Text

Jules spotted him after just a few seconds, her face lighting up, before she turned and said something to her friend. Then she took her phone back up and started typing with a joyous grin. 

Theo checked their chat, Ezra still hovering over his shoulder. None of them were listening to Mr. Brooks.

“There he isss!!”

“And is that Baines behind u????”

“way to go, Theo ;)”

Ezra chuckled close to his ear. Too close. Theo could feel his cheeks warming up at that low, raw sound.

He tried to ignore it, fingers trembling a little as he texted back.

“Yes. We're joining class together today.”

It was a ridiculously obvious fact. But he didn't know what else to respond. 

Ezra chuckled again, a little lighter this time, as if Theo's dry response was greatly amusing to him. He shifted behind him, readjusting his position to get more comfortable, probably. His hand rested lightly on Theo's shoulder, just to steady himself a little more. 

Theo didn't breathe.

Jules' reply came quickly.

“Love that!!! Not surprised to find i wasn't the only one smitten by ur fluffy hair and nerdy charm xx”

Fluffy hair? Nerdy charm?

“What...?”, he mumbled to noone specific. But Ezra answered anyway.

“Yeah, that's a pretty good question—what.”, he grumbled above his shoulder. “You should ask her, bro.”

“What she means by 'nerdy charm'?”, Theo frowned, turning his head — big mistake. Ezra was too close. Far too close.

He turned back toward his phone and laptop. Jesus Christ.

Ezra breathed out a quiet, short laugh.

“No, I know what she means by that.”, he muttered, a soft grin in his voice. “But it's weird that she'd point it out like that. Feels kinda flirty if you ask me, bro.”

Theo's breath almost hitched a little at that last part. Flirty?

“So...I— I should ask her if she's flirting with me?”

It was a dumb fucking question. He was a dumb fucking idiot. With a dumb fucking shaky voice. Causing Ezra's grin to twitch a little at the corner of his lips.

“Or you could ask her why she thinks she's got a shot with you.”, he murmured. And this time, Theo's breath really hitched. Fully. Forcing him to cover it up by clearing his throat in the most awkward, strained way. Followed by a few breathless coughs. Ezra chuckled.

He let the thumb of his hand brush softly over Theo's skin where it rested on his shoulder, in a sort-of soothing motion. But Theo was almost convinced he meant it in a teasing way. As if Ezra was taking joy in his panic.

He forced his eyes to stay on his phone, repeating a sacred mantra of 'do not look to the side, do not look to the side, do not look to the side' over and over in his head, and started hesitantly typing out a new message to Jules. Still very much under Ezra's surveillance.

“That is kind of a weird thing to say lol”

Ezra snorted as he sent it. 

“'A weird thing to say'?”, he read the message out loud with his stupid grin. “Jules is a tough girl, you know? No need to be so nice to her, bro. You can just tell her to back off.”

Theo's eyebrows twitched at that, but he still did not look at him.

“I don't want her to 'back off'. She didn't do anything.”

“Bro. She says she's smitten by your fluffy hair and nerdy charm.”

“Yeah, but what does that even mean?” 

The phone lit up with a new message from Jules.

“Meant it in a nice way, I swear!! Just letting u know u looked pretty last night x”

Ezra huffed out an indignant scoff the second the text popped up. 

“'Pretty'?”, he voiced Theo's exact thoughts. “What is wrong with her...”

Theo felt a his chest tightening. Hadn't he called him pretty aswell? Back in that hallway? He was pretty sure he had. But then again, only as part of their drunken blabbering, so... how much did that really count? Not much. Of course. It was just part of their joke. Just a little jab. Not that it mattered. He didn't care whether or not he was pretty. He definitely didn't care whether or not someone thought he was pretty. 

He glanced up at the video of Jules and — what was her name again? Betty? Bethany? Bertha? Something with 'B', but he didn't quite remember. They were both grinning softly into their camera, apparently keeping a very close eye on Theo's reaction. 

“I... think they're just trying to mess with me.”, he mused, watching their mouths move as they eagerly talked about something. Him, maybe. 

Ezra scoffed again. 

“Yeah, right...”, he muttered. 

Theo felt the hand on his shoulder move slightly up to the crook of his neck, fingers skimming over his skin there. He almost instinctively tilted his head a little, as if offering Ezra's hand more room to explore. It was subtle. Subtle enough to pass as an accident. Subtle enough to not shoot enough adrenaline through Theo's panicking body, that he'd miss how Ezra's fingers lightly pulled down the collar of his shirt a bit, revealing the spot with his little bruise — for everyone in that call to see. 

Theo's eyes went wide, a bone chilling gasp escaping his lips that he instantly tried to play off as a laugh. An awkwardly nervous laugh. While he gently, and unfortunately not that calmly, shrugged Ezra's hand off his shoulder, quickly covering the bruise back up. 

Ezra chuckled into his ear, low and smug, his grin very visible in the reflection of the laptop screen.

“Coward”, he murmured under his breath.

But Theo didn't answer him. Didn't look at him. Didn't acknowledge him. He just acted as if he didn't hear it. And as if he hadn't noticed anything about a shirt collar being pulled down and a bruise — that very much looked like a hickey or something — being revealed in front of all his uni colleagues. And Mr. Brooks. 

None of them had really noticed it. Probably. Hopefully. But it still sent a cold shiver down his spine. All the weird implications they could've come up with if they'd seen it... He'd rather not think about that. 

“Tell her to keep her eyes on Beverly.”, Ezra said. 

Ah. Beverly was her friend's name. Right. 

Theo's mind was too foggy to question Ezra's instruction. So he just picked his phone back up and started typing, taking note of how Ezra rested his chin fully against his shoulder now, like a nosey cat. 

“Ezra says you should keep your eyes on Beverly.”

There. Sent. 

“'Ezra says'? Really, bro?”, Ezra murmured. 

Theo didn't respond. His eyes just flickered to the girls' video. Jules laughed with a big smile and showed the chat to her friend, before replying. 

“LMAO Tell him his worries are unfounded <3” 

Then a few seconds after:

“Unless he doesn't pay back the 30$ he still owes me ;)” 

Ezra laughed, deep and rough. 

“Oh, she's a little bitch...”

And Theo's voice starts coming out, almost on reflex, like a sleeper agent getting triggered, like the spirit of his sister possessing his brain for a moment. 

“Women aren’t bitches. That’s lazy, misogynistic language and it reinforces harmful stereotypes that we should be actively unlearning, not casually integrating into everyday conversations.”

Ezra blinked at him for a moment, biting back a grin, before nodding in agreement. 

“That is true.”, he mumbled. “I apologize.”

Theo's throat went tight, cheeks warming under Ezra's continuous gaze. Where did that sudden, lecturing speech even come from? Maisie's feminism really seemed to work like a pavlovian response by now.

“It's alright.”, he croaked out.

Ezra's voice grew softer. 

“Please don't tell your sister.”

Theo slightly shook his head. 

“I won't.”

Then he watched him over the reflection of the screen, how his eyes scanned over Theo's face, how his head was still planted comfortably on his shoulder, how his lips still carried the slightest hint of a grin. And then Ezra's gaze flicked back to the screen as well and their eyes met, causing Theo's heart to do a full stop in his chest. Ezra smiled at him. Soft. Gentle. Knowing.

He quickly looked down at his phone, willing to refocus on anything other than that smile, and cleared his throat once more, in a far too obvious way that clearly exposed how much their proximity was wrecking him internally.

He exited the chat with Jules, his contact list showing up for a moment, before he closed his messenger app and turned his phone off. 

“Who's uni chick, bro?”, Ezra asked quietly, attempting to slowly snake his arms around Theo's waist.

But Theo immediately started squirming, freeing himself from getting captured like that.

Who was uni chick? Well...

“Uhm...”, he muttered hoarsely.

“Damn, bro, how many women do you talk to?”, Ezra murmured, the grin on his face taking on a dangerous look. “Also — 'uni chick'? Isn't that a little sexist, mister thou-shalt-not-reinforce-harmful-stereotypes?”

“I won't tell Maisie about your slip-up, if you won't tell her about mine. Okay?”, Theo suggested, chewing nervously on his inner cheek.

Ezra chuckled almost excitedly now. 

“This is more than a little slip-up, bro. You've got her saved in your contects under that name.”, he teased, pinching him in the side, before Theo could even get a chance to push his hand away. “And who's that girl anyway?”

“Noone.”

“Pretty high up in your contact list to be 'noone'.” Theo stubbornly avoided his gaze. “Is it Beverly?”

“No.”

“Talia?”

“I don't even know who that is.”

Ezra snickered. Then gasped. 

“Don't tell me it's Mrs. Prettson—”

“What? No. It's not Mrs. Prettson.”, Theo almost laughed now. What was wrong with that guy?

“Then tell me who it is, bro.”, Ezra grinned, eyes lighting up when Theo finally, finally met his gaze.

There was a silence. A far too heavy silence. One that said everything, Theo couldn't get out right now. And it was evident in Ezra's face how he slowly caught on.

“Oh...my god.”, he muttered, voice growing quieter. “You son of a bitch.”

“Hey!” Theo's glare didn't quite hide the fact his cheeks were glowing redder than ever.

“A sexist and a transphobe?”, Ezra gasped. “Ooh, Maisie won't like that...”

“Shut up!”, Theo scoffed, shoving him off his shoulder. Ezra just laughed, greatly amused by all of this.

“Look at you, punching the trans guy!”

“I didn't punch you!”

“Yeah, you did!”

Theo shoved him again, fully pushing him away this time.

“I didn't punch you!”

Ezra grinned widely, shoving Theo this time, but...with way more force. Making him flop back against the mattress with a gasp. 

“Tell that to your sister.”

“Stop!”, Theo squealed, kicking his foot out at Ezra. “You called Jules a bitch!”

“'Cause she deserved it.”, Ezra shrugged, easily dodging his kick and pinning his leg down by the ankle.

Theo's breath hitched at that, kicking his second foot out, just to get caught by Ezra as well.

“She did not!”

“Yes, she did.” Ezra leaned forward, over Theo, hands running from his ankles up to his waist, pinning him there instead, clearly not affected by any of the shoving and pushing Theo tried to put against him.

“She did not.”, Theo hissed, again.

“She called you charming.”

“No, she didn't.”

“And pretty.”

“So what?”

“That's my job.”

“Y— what?”

“Hm?”

Ezra grinned down at him, eyebrows raised in fake-innocence.

Theo's heart did a nervous, fluttery thing in his chest.

“You said—”

“Huh?”

“You—”

“What?”

“You— urgh!”, Theo groaned, rolling his eyes.

“What did I say again?”, Ezra giggled.

Theo shot up a glare at him.

“You're a dick.”, he grumbled.

And Ezra giggled even more at that, eyes scanning Theo's flushed face.

“Mhh, maybe that's what I said, yeah.”

A beat of silence. And then Theo remembered that his camera was still very much on and his and Ezra's little fight was being broadcasted to their entire class.

So he squirmed out from beneath Ezra, freeing himself from his grip. And Ezra let him escape. But not without snatching his phone from him. 

“Hey!”, Theo protested.

“Relax, just changing my name in your contacts.”, Ezra grinned, already typing something in.

Theo begrudgingly moved closer, just to catch a glimpse of what that asshole was changing his name to.

It was fair, of course. 'Uni chick' really hadn't been that appropriate... But he just hadn't seen a reason to change it so far. Because usually, people didn't get to see what they were saved as in someone else's phone anyway.

“Here. Fixed it, bro.”, Ezra announced, handing the phone back.

Theo scrunched his nose.

'Ez'.

With a kissy face emoji.

Funny.

“...what am I saved as in your phone?”, he hesitantly asked. Did he even want to know the answer? He wasn't so sure...

Ezra shrugged, grin ever-present.

“Theodore Humphrey Knights, of course.”

Theo shuddered at that. 

“How do you know my second name?” That was kind of scary, actually... 

Ezra leaned back against the headboard, shrugging again. 

“Maisie's quite chatty when she's cooking.”

Ah. That little rat of a sister...

Chapter Text

Theo kind of avoided looking at his phone for the rest of the online class. And it had probably been for the best, just in case Jules would've sent him another message.

By the time Mr. Brooks' lecture finally found its end, a subtle unease spread in Theo's stomach. As much as he'd hated having his entire class and professor watch him and Ezra wrestle — it had felt like a bit of security for him. Shielding him from whatever might have happened if there hadn't been any... witnesses.

So, when the Mr. Brooks ended that call, leaving Theo with nothing but a black screen, a way too confusing twenty-two year old idiot and a backstabbing older sister who was probably somewhere busy in her own room, yeah, he did not feel too well.

He was sitting almost by the foot end of the bed now, since he'd scooted forward a few inches everytime Ezra had had the super funny idea of tickling him or pinching him in the side or just resting his hand on his shoudler or waist again. It had all been lighthearted, of course. But for Theo it felt like torture. And now he was here, and Ezra was still leaned back against the headboard, and both of them kind of acted as if that little distance between them wasn't weird at all. And hey, maybe it really wasn't. 

“So, speaking of your sister”, Ezra started in a way too casual tone. Their conversation about Maisie had been over an hour ago. “How was therapy this morning, bro?”

Theo flinched at that question. He turned his head around to look back at Ezra. There wasn't even any hint of something negative in those honey eyes, he just seemed... curious. Like he'd been itching to ask that.

“Uh, I was... at the dentist.”, Theo muttered. “Didn't I tell you already?” He had. He knew he had. Maisie had planted that little lie perfectly so he wouldn't have had to come up with something on the spot. One of the only traits he could really appreciate in her right now. She was an excellent partner in crime. But, apparently, Ezra hadn't quite bought it.

“Okay”, he said. Nothing more. No counter-arguments. No pressing the topic. No further investigation.

Which, for some reason, was worse than if he had just insisted to expose Theo's lie. This felt more like a 'I know the truth, if you want to talk about it' kind of thing. And that felt... weird. Oddly enough.

Theo sighed. 

“...how'd you know?” His voice seemed almost too shy to come out.

Ezra smiled softly at him. 

“Maisie's a pretty good liar, bro.”, he shrugged. “You? Not so much, I'm afraid.” Theo rolled his eyes at that. But, yeah. He might've had a point there... “Figured you had to have been somewhere worth lying about. And... I guess, given that your bedside table is stacked with antidepressants, and that you have this habit of strategically sneaking away when you get overwhelmed by a social situation, and that you seem too drained to write a paper without the support of the most handsome partner and his amazing study playlist—”

“Alright, alright. I get it.”, Theo snorted, cheeks flushed. “I'm a very therapy-looking guy. Thanks.” It was scary — and weirdly impressive — how observant Ezra seemed to be.

Ezra grinned, and tilted his head a little. There was a beat of silence, before he spoke again. Gentle and quiet.

“Did you tell your therapist about me?”

Theo felt a mortifying shudder running down his spine. 

“No.”

Not technically, right? He had given her his name and what he looked like, but he hadn't, like, actually told her about him.

“Damn. I told mine about you.”, Ezra stated.

Theo fully turned around now. Brows twitching at that information. 

“You... go to therapy, too?”

Ezra chuckled. 

“My brother died of leukemia.”, he reminded him, as if that answered everything. Which — okay, it did. Because if he would've had to go through Maisie passing away from cancer, he'd probably up his meds to their limits and never leave Dr. Winton's office, ever. Or worse.

“I'm sorry about that.”, he mumbled awkwardly.

Ezra gave a dismissive wave.

“No need.”, he sighed. His eyes were glued to Theo, like actually glued to him. As if he didn't want to miss a single second of the view. And still he just sat there, all cool and unbothered and just a little bit too smug. Or maybe that was just how someone with his looks came across. People like Ezra just kind of had to be smug, right? That guy had to know what he was doing. Even now. Even when they were talking about therapy and loss and everything. He still looked beautiful. 

Or, okay — no. Delete. Rephrase. Not beautiful. He wasn't a woman. He wasn't beautiful. And if he was a woman then, yeah, maybe he'd be considered beautiful by some people. That was just facts. He did have the features to count as objectively beautiful. But he was a man. Alright. So, more like, nice. He looked nice. Like, yes, sure. In a friendly sense, like, from man to man, yeah, Theo could admit he looked nice. Like — maybe even handsome, yeah. To girls who were into guys like him. And there probably were a bunch. Because... well, he looked nice. Or handsome, or whatever. And he was staring back at him again, with that knowing smile—

Theo looked away, clearing his throat.

“Sorry that I lied.”

“Lied about what?”

“The therapy thing.”, Theo muttered, playing with his fingers. 

Ezra snorted. And then shifted closer, with one, easy motion. All the way to the end of the bed, where Theo had fled to during class. 

“Honestly, it was kind of a gamble, really.”, he mumbled with a grin. “My second guess would've been that you just spent the night at someone else's place after the party. So... therapy is great, bro.”

Theo's cheeks grew warmer, a nervous laugh escaping his lips at that. 

“How would that have worked? I was with you for like almost the entire night.”, he noted.

Ezra grinned at him, almost triumphantly. 

“Yes”, he nodded. “Yes, that is true. And rightfully so, I want to add.”

Theo laughed at that, genuinely laughed at that.

Before the memories of how exactly their time together at that party had ended dawned on him again, and the joyous sound slowly faded from his mouth.

He awkwardly cleared his throat again.

“Yeah... yeah, like we said. It was fun. But, uh... I guess, I'm really just more the staying-at-home type.” Not the go out, get drunk and make out with your friend type. 

Ezra's grin turned almost fond now.

“That's fair.” He propped one of his arms up behind Theo. Why were they so close again? Fuck, why did they alway have to be so close? “You know”, he murmured thoughtfully. “That reminds me—we haven't watched the second night at the museum movie yet.”

“Oh”, Theo said, his mind only partially spiralling. “I— I think Maisie's occupying the TV right now.” A lie. A pathetically weak one.

But Ezra didn't call him out on it. 

“We could watch it here. I don't mind.”, he shrugged, and added: “If you promise not to fall asleep on me again.”

Theo gasped, the blush on his face reaching all the way to his ears now.

“That was during that damn paper not during the movie! And you said it wasn't an issue!” His voice far too high pitched.

Ezra chuckled — no, giggled — at his little outburst.

“I'm just messing with you, Theo.”, he sang, drawing his name out like a melody. “I'll gladly be your pillow again.”

Theo scoffed.

It wasn't like that moment haunted him. Totally not. No, it was quite hilarious how Ezra insisted to constantly bring it up. Asshole.

“Funny.”, he grumbled.

He wanted to die.

But Ezra didn't let him. Instead he nudged his side with his elbow, far too rough to truly count as playful—that bastard—and dropped his voice to a quiet murmur. Leaning even closer.

“So what do you say, bro?”

Theo could feel Ezra's warm breath hitting his ear, a warm, fuzzy feeling flooding through his stomach. Goddammit. Not this again.

“About...the movie?”, he asked hoarsely.

Ezra grinned, voice still low and funny. 

“Well, if you're just looking for the pillow privileges instead now, I suppose—”

“Movie sounds good! Yeah. Let's just—watch the movie!”

Chapter Text

Theo logged into his streaming account and typed in the movie. He tried to busy himself with the settings — subtitles off, full volume, just the right brightness — to ignore Ezra's presence behind him. He apparently took great joy in creating maximum comfort for the two of them, rearranging the pillows as if this bed was just as much his as it was Theo's and as if they had shared custody over the cushions. With every satisfied hum Ezra uttered, the apprehensive unease in Theo's stomach grew stronger.

It was half past five right now. The movie would take up almost two hours. So, by the time they would be done, it would be around half past seven. A perfectly reasonable time for Ezra to leave, right? So. He'd just have to make it through this movie. And then, finally, he could let himself have a massive breakdown over everything that had happened over the last twenty-four hours. This was good. This was doable.

“All set, bro?”, Ezra asked.

There was nothing left to fidget with. No settings Theo could pretend to adjust, no better position he could pretend to shift his laptop to. So, yes. All set.

“Think we're good to go.”, he mumbled, turning to look at Ezra's work with the pillows. And, god, that man looked way too cozy... Like a giddy idiot, probably at least three inches taller than Theo, snuggled up to seem like he only planned to look like some intimidating bodyguard from nine to five on workdays, and spent the rest of his time here, in wait for a lucky damsel in distress to cuddle back to health. Theo had to actually, physically bite his lip at that view. It was ridiculous.

“C'mere then.” Ezra reached his arms out toward him with grabby hands, carrying a big smile on his face.

Theo chuckled, his cheeks growing so warm that he was forced to look away.

“You're acting like a child.”, he noted.

“Well, every child deserves a Teddy, no?”, Ezra pouted. Yes—pouted. “So c'mere.”

Jesus.

“You're so weird.”, Theo snorted. But he did 'c' mere'. Pink-cheeked and slightly trembling. He pressed play on the movie and then scooted over to Ezra.

He wanted to just take up the little space Ezra had left beside him. But instead, a pair of strong arms just seized him, and positioned him between Ezra's stretched out legs, back pressed against chest, breath hitching at the motion.

“Come here.”

Theo's heart dropped down three floors, eyes wide, mouth going dry. Jesus fucking Christ.

“...okay”, he just croaked. Apparently he was supposed to be today's lucky damsel in distress.

His face was just plain red at this point. Ezra's arms felt warm against his shirt, warm against his skin underneath, warm against his stomach, warm against his soul. And mmmh he could feel Ezra's chin resting against his shoulder again.

It wasn't weird. They had done that during class, too. The shoulder-chin thing. Not... not the cuddly arms thing. But that was basically just an add-on to the shoulder-chin thing. And anyway — all that mattered was that it was comfortable, right? Ezra was snuggled against pillows. Theo was snuggled against Ezra. Everyone had their comfort.

Ezra chuckled lowly, as if he could hear Theo's inner thoughts. But that was impossible. He was acting indifferent. He was indifferent. There was nothing Ezra would find if he read his mind right now. 

“You cozy, bro?”, Ezra murmured, quietly to not overtune the dialogue in the movie.

“Mhm”, Theo hummed, lips pressed to a tight line. Then, softly: “You?”

Ezra sighed in contentment, pulling him a little tighter against his chest as his response.

“Very much so.”

They watched the movie. And Theo really tried to focus on it, he really did. But everytime Ezra as much as breathed too loudly, or tightened his arms again, or laughed at a scene in a way that made his chest vibrate against Theo's back, his mind instantly jumped to him and what he did to his heart. Making it all fluttery and nervous. He didn't like it. And worst of all? That damn cowboy and roman soldier were in this second movie as well. And fuck, Ezra was definitely right. These two little figures really did have a weird amount of chemistry. Was it homophobic of him to not have noticed it earlier? Like, during the last three hundred times he had watched these movies alone or with Maisie? Maybe he only noticed it now because Ezra's voice was polluting his mind. Maybe he only saw things now because Ezra said they were there. Maybe it was just wishful thin— IMAGINATION! Maybe it was just imagination.

He shook his head, confused with his own damn thoughts. What the hell was going on... 

“Amelia Earheart's really hot.”

He didn't even know where that came from, but he had said it before he could think about it.

Ezra tilted his head on his shoulder slightly, shooting him a lazy grin.

“Yeah?”

Theo nodded weirdly. 

“Yeah. She's...” His voice faded out as he looked at her, trying to conjure up what exactly was hot about her. “...pretty.”

Ezra's grin widened a little at that, one of his brows quirking up.

“Pretty?”

Theo gave another nod that probably looked like he was being held at gunpoint. 

Ezra just barely shook his head.

“If this your attempt to defend yourself against the sexist allegations earlier, you're doing a horrible job.”, he mumbled in amusement. “Night at the museum has possibly the worst written and most male gazed portrayal of Amelia Earheart. So...crushing on her in this case would manifest your allegations more than it would refute them.”

Theo rolled his eyes.

“I'm not trying to—”, he started, then stopped and started again. “I'm just saying she's hot. That's all.”

“Hot or pretty, which one is it now?”, Ezra asked, absolutely unconvinced by his statement.

“Same thing.”, Theo said, furrowing his brows. She was hot. She was pretty. What did it matter?

“It's not the same thing.”, Ezra retorted.

“What's the difference then?”

There was a pause. In which the two of them just looked at each other. Ezra blinking up from his shoulder, Theo nervously returning his gaze. 

“Pretty”, Ezra started, voice growing even quieter, while a group of angels in the movie started performing some sappy love song for Larry and Amelia. “is what you look like, when your hair's a little disheveled, and your cheeks are slightly pink, and your eyes are darting around like you're not sure where you're allowed to look.” Theo's heart did a full stop in his chest, his lips falling slightly open. What— what? But Ezra wasn't done yet. “And hot is what you look like, when you're wearing my hoodie and you've got that grumpy expression on your face, while you're trying to make me take it back.”

Theo scoffed and averted his gaze, the sound coming out more nervous than annoyed.

“Oh, because it's your hoodie, and you're hot, so that makes the hoodie hot as well?”, he stammered, trying — trying — to sound mocking, but failing miserably. 

Ezra just kept grinning, kept waiting for him to meet his eyes again.

“That's not what I meant, no. But it's cute that you think I'm hot, bro.”

Theo's whole body just felt like going through a short stutter at that. That wasn't what he had said— that wasn't what he had meant to say. He just— Oh, it didn't matter!

He was just trying to get a rise out of him. Clearly. 

But Theo wouldn't let him.

“You know what, I'd say Amelia's hot and pretty then.”, he muttered, staring at the screen of his laptop as if Amelia Earhart herself would maybe reach out and help him right now.

She didn't.

Ezra let out a deep, stretched sigh, and Theo could finally feel him taking his eyes off his face. Finally. 

“Okay.”, he said, focusing also on the movie now. “So you like women with no opinions or boundaries or personality, who's only character trait is 'in love with the male lead'?”

Why did he sound pissed now? He'd asked whether she was hot or pretty and Theo had given him his answer.

“I just like women...in general. All women. I guess.”, he muttered.

Ezra hummed in response. 

“So you've told me, yeah...”

Alright.

“Well, what's your type then?”, Theo scoffed half-heartedly. On the screen Amelia and Larry shared their first real kiss. It wasn't even awkward to watch it with Ezra. They were too caught up in this conversation, even though they both pretended like they weren't.

He felt Ezra taking a little breath. A short quiet growing between them as he seemed to think about his answer. Then, his words came out quiet, almost careful.

“I don't know... fluffy hair, maybe. Nerdy charm. Something like that.”

Wow. Okay. So he was trying to mock him now. Using Jules' words to make fun of him? Really? 

“Funny”, Theo replied in a dry tone.

He wasn't his type. He wasn't even a woman. And hey, maybe yes, maybe he wasn't Jules' type either. Maybe she was just trying to be nice earlier. Most likely even. But that didn't mean that it was really so ridiculous that someone could see him as their type. There was really no need to mock him.

Ezra didn't say anything more.

Didn't need to. Theo was already feeling like he was being suffocated by his arms, that were still wrapped around him, still holding him way to close, still keeping him leaned back against his chest. It was too much. Too tight. Too warm. Too Ezra.

He needed space, and air.

He tried wriggling himself free from that embracing position they were in. At first, Ezra just pulled him even closer, a quiet, protesting hum coming from his lips. But when Theo didn't give up, he dropped his arms and let him free.

“Bathroom.”, Theo muttered, already crawling off the bed.

Ezra still didn't say anything. He just looked after him, watching him shuffle across the room, basically fleeing the scene.

They hadn't even fully made it through the first half of the movie yet...

Chapter Text

Okay. 

Okay. 

Okay, okay. 

Okay. 

Yeah. 

Yeah, okay. It was okay. Everything was— everything was okay. Yeah.

Okay.

Ten past six. They had over an hour left of the movie. He could spend that time here. Acting like he had some stomach issues.

Ew.

No.

Not an option. 

This whole situation was already terrible enough, he didn't need Ezra cuddled up in his pillows, thinking that he was blowing up the toilet just a few feet away in the bathroom. No. He had to go back. He had to make it to the end of the movie. He had to fix this.

What would happen if Ezra left after all of this and then he'd cut him off? Like he had planned after leaving Dr. Winton's office. Bye-bye Ezra. What if he just really never talked to him again after tonight?

His stomach ached. 

Not in a diarrhea way. Just... stress. Probably. Stinging down from his chest, making him feel as if he had a tight knot somewhere in there, at the sheer thought of this being the last he got to see of Ezra. Fuck. Okay, no. So that was also not an option. No. He actually did have to find a way to fix this. Lift the awkwardness. Delete what had happened at that party. Erase any of the strangely cuddly moments they had ended up in during those last couple of days. 

Yes. That would work. If he just found a way to make all of that go away, they could like... maybe actually become good friends. Yes. Yeah. Okay.

He turned on the tap, splashed some water in his face, stared at his mirrored self. 

“You're not an idiot”, he whispered, his gaze darting hectically between his eyes. “You're not dumb. You can do... friendship.” Dr. Winton would be proud. “He's just a guy. Alright? You're a guy too. There is literally nothing that you could be afraid of. He is literally just a guy. Just some dude. You're hanging out. That's what people— that's what friends do. They hang out. And talk. And then boom. Friendship. It's easy.” He wiped a hand over his face.

He had to get rid of everything. Of the— of the pictures. He had to delete them. Actually delete them. 

He didn't even know why he hadn't done so in the first place. Ezra already thought they were gone. Maisie too. And noone else knew of them. So... for whom had he kept them? They were just unnecessary ballast that he would always have to worry about. What if someone found out, what if someone saw them, what if someone got the wrong idea — there was really no reason to risk that. 

He pulled his phone out from his backpocket, his breaths coming out in heavy, panicked gasps, and opened his gallery. Yeah, there they were. Undeleted and threatening. The only little thing that kept him and Ezra from being just normal friends. 

His thumb hovered hesitantly over his screen, a steadying sigh coming from his lips. 

His phoned buzzed.

He almost dropped it. 

A message from Ez.

“u doing OK?”

He closed the gallery and switched to their chat. 

...he would just delete them later. There was no hurry.

'No, you're being confusing. And you're too close and too touchy. And I don't think my 'fluffy hair' and 'nerdy charm' are something to be mocked. Not everyone can be built like a goddamn Greek god. Why are you so cool and— and— Urgh! It's unfair. And also, how could we let that thing happen last night in that hallway? That was weird. And I don't know what to think of it. Also, what do you think of it?'

Ew.

Fuck that.

He couldn't send that.

He typed it and then instantly deleted it. 

God, he was pathetic...

He sent a thumbs-up instead, hoping that Ezra wasn't already starting to think he was busy destroying the toilet.

Not even a second later, a reply popped up. 

“u sure??” 

No. Obviously he wasn't sure. Obviously he wasn't okay. Obviously he was spiraling. Ezra had watched him stumble away like a frightened little girl who just got suprised by one of those terrifying costumed people at Disneyland. He was shaking. Ready to throw up any minute now. 

Where was that damn lavender spray again?

He bent down and pulled it out from where it was stored beneath the sink, and started spraying a towel to smell. 

One breath. Two. Three. 

Until he his mind was calm enough to type a reply. 

“Yes. :)”

Maybe a smiley face would sell his lie a bit better.

Ezra took some time to respond this time. The three bubbles disappearing and reappearing multiple times before a new message popped up.

“would u like me to leave?”

Theo's fingers worked almost independently from his brain. 

“No.”

And... maybe he really didn't? After all, Ezra wasn't the problem here. Theo was. He was the one that apparently couldn't handle a bit of friendly mockery and a bit of casual proximity. That wasn't Ezra's fault. Theo would have the same struggles with any of his other friends. Or, well, maybe yes — the fact that Ezra always looked at him with those big honey eyes, like he had to physically pull his gaze off him whenever they were just a bit too close, didn't really help. Neither did the fact that Ezra's scent was so damn distinct. And sweet. And... homey? Or the fact that his dimple smile was just downright haunting. Like. Theo had to silently pray every night not to dream of it, because it was so present, so there, so etched into his brain. 

Ezra sent a new message. 

“OK :)” 

He took another inhale of the sprayed towel. 

Another message popped up. 

“paused the movie btw!! don't worry, amelia's very patient”

Then came a picture of the paused frame of Amelia Earhart, mid-speech, her face distorted into an accidentally funny grimace. Theo snorted at the image, a short chuckle escaping his lips. 

He put a hand to his chest, trying to calm the storm in there. 

“She doesn't look very patient. She looks like she's suffering lol”

He sent it before he could overthink it. 

Ezra replied right away. 

“that's just what she looks like when she's thinking abt u” 

Theo puffed out an amused sound through his nose. 

“Suffering from thoughts about me? lol” 

“theo :(” 

He furrowed his brows.

“What?” 

“theo come back :(” 

He squinted at the screen, a grin twitching at the corners of his mouth. 

“Lol so those are her thoughts?” 

“theo i miss u :(”

“Okay. I miss you too, Amelia.”

“theo i want u :(”

Oh.

Oh...

A wave of heat rushed to his cheeks. He hesitated to reply.

Ezra was quicker. 

“theo i need u :(”

Theo sucked in a stuttering breath, trying to make himself laugh it off. His pulse was rushing in his ears.

“theo i am desperate for u :(” 

He ran a hand through his hair, cursing out loud to himself now. 

“Jesus Christ— Jesus fucking Christ...”

“Language”, Ezra's muffled voice sounded from outside the bathroom.

Theo's entire soul left his body, right then and there. His brain short-circuited, eyes darting toward the door, breath hitching in his throat. 

It took him a full moment to regain consciousness. He walked over to the door, heart thumping in his chest. His hand reached for the handle, opened it, all seemingly happening in slow-motion. 

And there he was. Tall and handsome and...unusually shy. 

“Sneaking away from the social situation all by yourself, handsome?” His tone wasn't accusatory. It was quiet. Soft. As if he was saying one thing but meaning an entirely different one. 

His face was calm. Tired, almost. The only lighting coming from inside the bathroom, from the dim old lamp on the ceiling, making him look almost vulnerable. Like he wasn't sure whether or not Theo would greet him with a smile or a punch to his face.

“Your Amelia Earhart impressions are awful”, Theo noted. Because denying that he'd sneaked away was useless. Ezra seemed to know very well that he had been trying to hide here. He just didn't want to make him feel bad for doing that.

“Just over text”, Ezra protested, not actually offended. “I swear, I'm better in person.”

The blush on Theo's cheeks intensified. He did not want to test that theory. 

“How long have you been standing here?” Please, do not let him be another Maisie. Please. He really didn't need another person lurking behind doors, listening in on him for a hobby.

Ezra's mouth opened and closed a few times, visibly failing to come up with a defense.

“I— No, I— I just got here a second ago. Just wanted to check if you're alright.”, he muttered, and if the light wasn't so dim here, Theo could've sworn there was a bit of red growing on his cheeks.

Which only made Theo even more nervous as well. What were they doing here? Hanging in the doorway to his bathroom like two flustered teenagers instead of just finishing that damn movie.

“Okay, thanks... Yeah, I'm alright.”, he assured him, looking every but at him.

Ezra gave a stiff nod.

A beat of silence.

Then, he spoke again. 

“Listen, I...”, he ran a hand through his hair, voice low but steady. “I'm sorry if I said something wrong earlier.” Theo blinked at him. At first he thought he meant the Amelia impressions, but then it dawned on him that he was talking about the conversation they had in his bed. “Didn't mean to be weird—”

“You're not weird”, Theo quickly dismissed his worries. “You didn't say anything wrong. I just... I don't know...” Yeah? What exactly had it even been that had bothered him? He didn't remember. Fuck, he really didn't remember... “Maybe I'm weird.”

Ezra's lips grew to a slow grin.

“Nah man, if anyone's weird, it's me.”

Theo scrunched his nose, hesitating at that reply. 

“No, I told you, you're not weird. I'm weird.”

Ezra laughed. That quiet type of laugh that managed to break through Theo's skull, and made him smile as well.

“Alright. Then maybe we're just both weird.”

Theo scanned him. Ezra? Weird? He really did not see that. But... it did feel oddly comforting to not be the only one who felt like a weirdo here.

“Alright”, he agreed, quietly.

Another short silence.

Then Ezra lifted his arm up, like some sort of chaperone, apparently ready to escort Theo back to the bedroom.

“So... want to watch the rest of the movie?”, he mumbled. “Amelia's waiting, you know.”

Theo hesitated for a moment, huffing out a nervous laugh, unsure of whether or not to take the offer of his arm. But this was good, no? Them being back to normal, friendly banter? No mention of the hallway moment? It was gone. Erased. Hopefully. It was just the two of them now. Two buddies watching a movie. Nothing more, nothing less.

He calmed his lips to a soft smile, and placed his hand gently onto his arm and— wow. Okay. Damn...

Ezra really did have nice arms.

Chapter Text

When they got back to the bedroom, Theo was nervous at first, worrying that he would have to go through another hour of being awkwardly trapped in Ezra's embrace. 

Yes, he was comfortable. Yes, he had the perfect amount of body heat. Yes, he smelt so damn nice. 

But it just felt a little... weird. Like, too close. It felt wrong. Maybe. Or just too right? No. Wrong. It felt wrong.

But luckily, Ezra didn't pull him into that position again. Instead, when they reached the bed, he just broke the contact between Theo's hand and his arm and made himself comfortable against the pillows. And this time with leaving enough space beside him so they could just sit side by side.

Theo took that silent offer and snuggled into the pillows left from him, leaning forward to resume where they had stopped in the movie, and then sitting back, shoulder to shoulder, and, well, it was warm. And cozy. And fortunately not as trapping as getting basically cuddled against Ezra's chest.

It was good. 

Great even. 

Perfect. 

But... it also had been warm, and cozy, and not as trapping when he had held Ezra's arm just now. Like, really just holding it. Just having the warmth of his bare forearm under his fingers.

He caught himself taking a little glimpse down at it. At Ezra's forearm. Which was now resting on his lap. Growing up into his upper arm — obviously, that was how human anatomy worked — which was gently pressed against Theo's.

The bed was just so damn small. Too little space to sit beside each other without at least some touching.

Theo swallowed, letting his eyes wander further along Ezra's profile. Up his arm, to his shoulder... his neck... his face. His gaze was focused forward, at the movie. But Theo could tell that he was looking at him still, through his peripheral vision. Because the second Theo's gaze reached those honeyed eyes, his lips twitched up into a soft grin. As if they were quietly whispering their own little 'gotcha'.

Theo snapped his eyes back forward. Back at Amelia Earhart and Larry and all those museum artifacts.

Ezra chuckled. He didn't call him out, no, he just chuckled. Making it clear that yes, he had definitely caught him accidentally staring at him.

“Was just checking that you're not falling asleep”, Theo mumbled, way too defensively to pass as the truth.

Ezra shrugged, his arm rubbing against Theo's, sending a jolt of heat through his blood. 

“Last I checked, you're the one who's more likely to fall asleep while watching a movie, bro.”

“Again — that was during our work on Mr. Brooks' paper”, Theo corrected him, still keeping his voice down. “And it was a one-time thing. Won't happen again.”

“Okay”, Ezra grinned, before adding a barely audible “a shame, really.”

Theo rolled his eyes, snorting out a quiet laugh, and playfully pushing his arm against Ezra's. It wasn't even hard. Just a slight faux-annoyed nudge. But it was enough to make his heart do that weird little fluttery thing it so often did when he and Ezra were together.

“Ouch”, Ezra quietly gasped, acting hurt by the mock-attack.

And Theo...did it again. Why, he couldn't say. It was probably just his body and brain trying to get all the stress and panic from earlier out of his system. 

Ezra huffed and returned the gesture, pushing his arm against Theo's. But way harder. Fuck, that man did not hold back on his strength. Theo almost fell sideways off the bed. 

“Hey!” He shoved him back.

“Shh”, Ezra scolded him, fake-serious. “watch the movie, Theodore.” Then he shoved him again. Lighter this time. More like a shoulder bump.

“I am!” Shove.

“No, you're not.” Shove.

“Because you keep distracting me.” Shove.

Ezra downright giggled at that.

“You started.” Shove.

“Tsk, fine.”

Theo snaked his hand around Ezra's arm, right above the elbow, keeping him from resuming that childish game of pushing each other.

There.

Now Theo had that soft, warm skin under his fingers again. And simply for distraction-reducing purposes. So it wasn't weird to keep his hand there. Right? He was protecting the peace of the audience so they could watch the movie without breaking out into another fight, like the one they had had during class.

Ezra turned his head, looked at him, glanced down to where he was holding onto his arm, then back up at his face. Theo did not meet his gaze. His eyes were glued onto the laptop screen. 

But he could feel Ezra's grin growing wider. And then — he could feel him subtly flexing his arm in Theo's loose grip. Smug bastard.

Theo rolled his eyes again, but did let his fingers trace a little higher, over his bicep, just to feel how much muscle that guy really had. And damn...

“How often do you work out?”, he snorted, trying to sound more mocking than impressed. 

Ezra tilted his head a little closer for his reply. 

“Like once a week, I guess. Why? You like it, bro?” 

Theo laughed, in an attempt to cover up the hitch in his breath. 

“Just seems a bit unfair,” he shrugged. 

“What exactly?”

“Having muscles like that while also being as smart as you are.”

Ezra didn't give him an answer. So Theo turned his face, looking at him now.

Ezra's eyes were a little narrowed, his cheeks just barely...flushed? His lips parted as if he was trying to say something but the words didn't want to come out.

Theo furrowed his brows a little, growing at bit more nervous as they held each other's gaze. 

“I'm not jealous or anything,” he mumbled. Though, maybe he was just a little bit jealous. “I'm just saying... You shouldn't get to be smart and hot.”

Ezra chuckled, looked away, let out a quiet sigh, and looked back at him. A strange smile on his lips. One that Theo didn't think he'd seen before. But it looked... nice. Shy, almost. Or flustered?

“So you really do like it, huh?”, Ezra whispered, though his voice carried just a little less smugness than it usually did.

“Like what?”, Theo nervously chuckled.

Ezra flexed his arm a little more in his grip, making Theo's face turn completely red. Oh. That.

He didn't respond. Just kept his nervous chuckling going until Ezra luckily joined in and he could brush it off as another funny little moment between them. And suddenly the movie was super interesting again. The scenes he had watched uncountable times before seemed so much more detailed now. So deeply laced with philosophical meaning that he needed to analyze. Yeah. A thrilling movie, really.

That new smile on Ezra's lips stayed.

And Theo's hand on his bicep stayed as well. 

In fact, after a few minutes of more night at the museum, he couldn't really help his fingers from tracing a little further up the arm again. Just trying to feel a little more of those muscles...

Ezra didn't seem to mind. And why would he? He worked out weekly for those muscles. He was probably more than happy to show them off. That was why he kept flexing them. And why he kept quietly huffing and giggling whenever a little awing sound escaped Theo's lips.

His fingertips reached the hem of Ezra's shirt sleeve, and for a moment they paused there. 

That would be too far, right? That would, like, really be weird. Too weird. Feeling your friend's muscles was good and okay. But slipping your fingers under their clothes? No, that would really be too far. It would feel invasive. And just wrong. Like something you would do with your girlfriend, maybe. But not with someone like Ezra. Not with a friend.

He let his fingers rest there for a few seconds, debating in his mind, slowly brushing them along the warm skin right below the hemline, staying away from crossing that boundary.

Ezra leaned a bit closer. 

“Want me to take it off?”

Theo swallowed.

He had to say no. He should've said no.

But Ezra's tone was so... casual. So easy. Not like 'oh, look at me, I'm Ezra, I need to show the whole world my unbelievably amazing body'. More like 'Yeah, i can take it off for you if you want, I don't mind'. It was just that. Just him offering what he had done so many times before anyway. He was a shirtless kind of guy. Very confident in his physique. Very comfortable with presenting it to other people. To Theo, in this case.

So. Theo nodded. Barely noticable. 

But Ezra noticed. And he didn't hesitate to follow that nod.

Theo's hand slipped from his arm, instantly missing that source of warmth again, as Ezra grabbed the bottom hem of his shirt and pulled it patiently over his head. 

Theo's entire mind started spinning. Eyes darting around, not sure whether or not it was okay to watch him take his shirt off — it had to be okay, though, right? Ezra had offered to do it, so— so he had to know that Theo could theoretically be watching him do it. Right? But then again, watching him take off his shirt for him would almost be like watching someone take off their shirt for him. Like— like— actually for him. Like, in a different sense. With diffirent intentions. Like, if Ezra had been a girl and Theo had been a boy— well, Theo was a boy. But, if Ezra had been a girl—

Ezra folded the shirt. Slowly. Then put it onto the bedside table, on top of the hoodie he had tricked Theo into keeping a few days ago.

“Don't forget to take them with you when you leave,” Theo mumbled in a serious tone. He couldn't have Ezra leaving all his stuff at his place. That bedside table was reserved for meds and an occasional glass of water, whenever Maisie ordered him to drink more. Stacking Ezra's clothes there could only be a temporary thing.

“I won't forget them, bro, I promise,” Ezra assured him, that little smile still on his face.

He offered him his arm again, nudging it slightly against Theo's. And Theo almost giggled from excitement, or amusement, or maybe tiredness — it was almost seven after all — and curled his hand back around Ezra's bicep.

This was nice. His arm was warm and oddly comfortable to hold. Theo almost regretted not having felt his arms a little more while they had... Well. While they had had that closer-standing moment in that hallway.

He shook his head, pushing that memory away. 

His fingers wandered a little higher, more instinctively than purposely. And Ezra sighed at that. Maybe annoyed with Theo's continuous touching. Perhaps he wasn't that much of a touchy person after all. But when Theo looked at him, his face wasn't annoyed at all. He seemed content. Quiet. Focused. On the movie, since his eyes were aiming forward, obviously. That's what Theo's eyes should've been doing too. So he watched Larry and Amelia again. While his hand brushed curiously over Ezra's shoulder now. Where he had held him the previous night — just now there weren't any fabrics between his skin and Ezra's.

And that was okay. He wasn't— he wasn't crossing any boundaries. He wasn't doing anything weird. Like sneaking a hand up someone's shirt. No. He wouldn't do that. He'd never do that. Not with a guy. Not with a friend. Especially not with Ezra. 

His fingers traced softly along the collarbone. The way it grew so prominently down from Ezra's shoulder to the little space where his neck met his chest. It was fascinating. Way more fascinating than Theo's own collarbones. His were just normal. Ezra's were nicer.

He heard him quietly sigh again, and his eyes snapped right back, checking once more if he might've been annoyed with him. He wasn't. Or at least he was committed to hiding it if he was.

Theo dropped his eyes, watching his hand move to Ezra's chest now, feeling his slow breathing. The movement there. The careful rising and sinking. Fuck it, yeah he watched it. And so what? Ezra wasn't a girl. He was a guy. They were both guys. There was nothing he could see here. It was just his chest — his male chest. Men had their shirts off all the time, there was nothing scandalous about it. Nothing to creepily gawk at.

And, yeah, maybe there once had been something to creepily gawk at — as Theo just now remembered. But not anymore. Now there were just these scars. He traced them with his thumb. Carefully. As if it might still hurt if he touched them too roughly, even though they were fully healed. And scars weren't scandalous. He was allowed to look at them. That wasn't weird. That wasn't creepy. He wasn't doing something wrong.

Ezra sighed again, but this time he didn't check his face for any annoyance. He knew he wouldn't find any. He kept his eyes on his chest, letting his fingers slide further down, to those 'rippling abs' Ezra had been bragging on and on about. He had to bite his lip to keep in a giddy laugh at the way the muscles of Ezra's stomach lightly twitched under the faint touch of his fingers.

He was so warm.

Ezra.

But, Theo too.

He could feel his pulse, even there in his stomach, behind those abs. Rhythmic and slightly rushed. 

He let his fingers run softly along the line of his muscles there. Working out once a week was doable, right? If this was the result — maybe Theo could muster up the discipline to do that as well. ...probably not. But maybe.

He was on the way to dip his thumb just a little lower, just to feel the warmth of his soft lower stomach, but then Ezra let out something that didn't quiet sound like sigh anymore and more like a... like something close to a whimper.

“Theo...”

Theo chuckled, his eyes switching back up to Ezra's face, only to choke on that exact same chuckle the second he met his eyes.

“Oh! Shit—” He quickly yanked his hand away as if the warmth of Ezra's stomach had burned him all of the sudden. And Ezra looked at him. Heavy-lidded, brows furrowed, face completely flushed, breathing rough and shaky. Theo started panicking. “Sorry! I— I—”

Ezra exhaled deeply, a half-sobbing half-laughing sound escaping his mouth.

“It's fine, I—”

Theo shook his head.

“No, no, I— I didn't mean to—”

Ezra nodded.

“No— I know, that's not—”

Theo's entire body felt as if it had been possessed by some ghost that had just now decided to jump out and leave him with this mortification.

“That's— I— uhm— that's—”

“Okay,” Ezra decided, running a hand over his face, as if that would lift the spell of awkwardness that just settled between them.

Oh Jesus fucking Christ of fucking Nazareth what the actual fuck was going on.

“I'm sorry!”, Theo muttered, wiping his fingers nervously off on the blanket. As if he had dipped his hand into some disgusting mud... “I'm sorry. I'm—sorry.”

Ezra took a few more breaths, eyes wandering around the room, before he could finally look at Theo again. The blush on his face slowly fading away.

“It's fine,” he assured him. “Don't be sorry. It's all good. Nothing happened.”

Theo quickly nodded.

“Nothing happened,” he agreed.

Yes! Nothing had happened. Nothing had happened. Nothing had happened. Nothing had—

“No, I mean— I mean nothing happened, you know. Like,” Ezra stammered. “Like it just got a bit warm in here.”

“Yes! Warm.”

“Yeah!”

They sounded like idiots. 

“So...,” Theo muttered helplessly. He tried to let his eyes find the laptop screen again, but that fucking movie was over... The credits were playing. Fuck. “...yeah.”

“Yeah...”

Theo glanced at him. Ezra glanced back.

A moment of complete silence.

And then—

they both bursted out laughing.

Hysterically.

Senselessly.

Uncontrollably.

Just the brainless cacophony of two dying animals. Both jerking around in that bed, shoving each other, as if they had just survived the most hilarious near-death experience known to mankind. Fuck, this was funny. What a pair of fucking weirdos. Of fucking idiots.

“Okay, okay,” Theo wheezed, holding his stomach, dropping off the bed with a thud. Not because Ezra had pushed him. But because of his own laughing. “I need water.”

Ezra nodded breathlessly, wiping literal tears from his eyes. 

“Me too, please!”

So Theo pulled himself to his feet, and started stumbling toward the door, still fucking laughing and dying of thirst now after this madness of a movie night. 

Chapter Text

“So, uh...,” Ezra muttered with a tired grin. He had his things gathered, shirt awkwardly bundled up in his hands — with no apparent plan of putting it back on any time soon — when Theo returned with two glasses of water. “Guess I better get going.”

Ah.

Yes.

It was late. Far too late for any busses to drive in this part of the city. 

“I can call you a taxi,” Theo offered with a shrug.

“No, don't worry. I took the bike.”

Oh. Yeah, that made sense. Ezra's whole style with the leather jacket and everything just screamed biker.

...and now Theo imagined him sitting on his bike, helmet on, shirt off— shirt off?

He shook his head and took a sip from his water, hoping the hydration would cool his weirdly heated face down. How was he supposed to not imagine Ezra shirtless on his bike, though? He was standing right in front of him like that right now. 

Ezra emptied his glass, mumbled a 'thanks' and then let Theo guide him toward the door. The air was awkward. The quiet between them unbearable. All the laughter from earlier was used up and now all that was left to cope with that strange tension around and between them was the strategic avoidance of eyecontact and the relief of that goddamn movie finally being over. 

Theo shifted helplessly from one foot to the other opening the door for his guest.

“I had fun today,” Ezra smiled. Really? This? Fun? Theo's face probably didn't do a good job at hiding those thoughts. Because Ezra huffed out a quiet laugh in response. “I'm serious,” he assured him. “It was nice to hang out with Maisie. Getting to know her a little better...” Theo made a mental note that he'd have to talk to her about sharing his middle name with Ezra later. “'Twas even nicer to hang out with you.”

Theo blinked up at him.

Oh. 

There it was again. Or maybe not again. Maybe it just never left. That oddly comforting warmth in his chest. The fuzzy feeling whenever they locked eyes. The little jump in his heart.

“I had fun, too,” he muttered, his voice definitely weaker than Ezra's. He started fidgeting with the glass in his hands. “And, uhm, sorry for... you know.” He let his eyes glance down to Ezra's still bared torso. Couldn't help it.

Ezra chuckled. 

“Caressing my chest?”

Theo flushed.

“I— Well, I'd say it was more like... checking it out.”

“Checking my chest out?”, Ezra grinned, raising both brows.

“Not like— I meant, just, exploring... what it feels like.”

“Exploring what my chest feels like?” 

Oh for fucks sake...

“No, just you. Just what you— I mean— I just—” 

“Ah, I think I get it now,” Ezra nodded, greatly amused by his flailing. “Just wanted to check me out and explore me. Is that right?”

“Stop it, no!”, Theo laughed, the sound coming out like a hysterical cry for help. “That's not what I'm saying. You're twisting my words!”

“That's exactly what you're saying, bro. I'm only repeating your words,” Ezra noted, his grin turning almost evil now.

Fuck that guy.

“No.” It was all Theo could say to that. Just no.

“Okay,” Ezra whispered, taking a step toward him, biting his lip, probably to not break out into more laughter and possibly kill Theo through humiliation. “Well, I forgive you for not checking me out and not exploring me.” His voice was so quiet, so close, that it almost got lost in the sound of Theo's blood rushing in his ears. “I mean, could've been much worse, no? Could've left a scar or something,” he joked with a wink. And Theo's eyes dropped back down to his chest. His scars were pretty hot actually. Like... really hot. Like a Greek warrior coming home from battle covered in blood and gore and wounds and scars hot. Not— not that that would've been hot. Just... “Or a bruise.” Theo's breath hitched, as he felt Ezra's hand reaching up, brushing his neck. Fuck fuck fuck. Not this again.

He looked up at him, holding his gaze, feeling the subtle sting when Ezra's thumb found the little spot hw had left last night. Fuck, it was getting way too warm in that entry space. And way too narrow. Was there even any air left? Had they used it all up? Was the dizziness in his head a sign of suffocation? Should he call 911? Right now? Right this fucking second? 

Ezra came even closer, their bodies almost brushing against each other now. His shirt still bundled up in his hand instead of on his upper body were it belonged. His fingers lingering gently on the side of Theo's neck, tracing idly over the little hickey. Not a hickey. It wasn't a hickey. It was not a hickey. No hickey. There was no hickey. It was... It was not a... Fuck, his eyes were beautiful. And close. So goddamn close... He could count every single shade of brown in them. Chocolate. Cocoa. Chestnut. Amber. Honey. Honey... Yes, honey. So sweet. Like Ezra's scent. His face leaned down, torturously slow, the faint brush of his breath hitting Theo's lips. And Theo felt himself tilting his head back, propping himself just barely onto his tiptoes. Just a little. Just a hint. Just to get closer. His eyes flickered down to Ezra's lips. Oh god, those lips that he knew were the softest feeling in the world. And they were so, so, so close. They were right there. Right before him. Parting ever so slightly as Ezra tipped his face even closer, their noses barely brushing, his hand moving up to Theo's jaw, holding it there. Steady. Waiting. Hoping. Praying. The faintest of whispers falling from those soft lips.

“...do you want to kiss me?” 

Theo blinked. And something snapped.

“What—No!” He took a trembling step back, his heart beating so hard it almost threatened to break his ribs. “I don't!” The air. The spell. Whatever it was that had apparently overcome them—gone. “I wasn't— I wasn't going to.”

Ezra looked at him, dropping his hand, eyes going wide, like he just now realized himself what he had said. 

“No, no, of course not,” he shook his head, pulling one corner of his lips up to a crooked grin. “No, I was joking. That was a joke. Sorry.”

They both turned their faces away as if to recollect themselves for a moment, heavy breaths panting from both their chests.

Fuck.

“Yeah,” Theo sighed, pressing out the most desperate laugh he'd ever laughed. “Okay, yeah, no, of course.” Of course it was a joke.

He ran a hand over his face, feeling the warmth that still burned in his cheeks. 

Ezra watched him, smiling. A forced smile. An obviously forced smile. 

Shit, this was awkward. 

“Sorry,” Theo said, swallowing hard. Why did he have to react that way? Why did he have to panic just from being close to him? Just from a simple fucking joke? It was a joke! For fuck's sake. Jesus Christ.

“I better...,” Ezra mumbled, nodding toward the door. The open door. That had been waiting for their goodbyes for far too long now. Fucking hell... 

“Yeah! Sure. Yeah, bye. Sorry, I didn't—” Theo started stammering again. “I didn't mean to, uh, hold you up.”

“It's fine,” Ezra smiled, still forced. “See you tomorrow?”

“Totally,” Theo nodded, trying to match the smile. “Make sure to, uh, get home s-safe.” Somebody come and kill him now.

Ezra stepped out and Theo literally slammed that door shut.

HOLY.

FUCKING.

SHIT.

Chapter Text

“Shit.”

His voice came out like a sob. 

A quiet, hopeless, crushed sob. 

He still stood before the door, staring at its closed frame as if it would offer him any answers. To what questions? He didn't even know. But something was wrong. He could feel it, deep in his chest. Like a little crack in his... in his heart, or whatever... 

He blinked at the ceiling. Closed his eyes. Felt a wave of tears welling up, swallowed them down. And when all of that didn't help, he just pressed his palms against his face, forcing himself not to cry.

“Shut UP!”, he whisper-screamed at noone in particular.

This was a nightmare. A real one. He could feel the edges of his surroundings growing dark. A black fog building up around him. One that looked dangerously similar to the one that usually only haunted him at night. When he was unconscious. And when all of this wasn't real.

“Fuck off!”

This wasn't real.

He was fine.

There was no fog.

It was just his mind acting up.

He shuffled across the floor, hands nervously wiping over his face and hair, as if to brush off any of the imaginary black air that dared to crawl closer, and made his way back to his bedroom.

He would not let some stupid fucking joke or a tiny little awkward moment throw him off like that. He was a little depressed. Not full on incapable of human connection. This was nothing.

He fell flat onto his bed, his limbs heavy and numb, and forced his body to get into an at least somewhat comfortable position. He would just sleep, and then, tomorrow, everything would be okay again. Everything would be forgotten. Everything would be back to normal. Like he had planned. This was just another weird moment he would have to forget in order to keep up this nice, little friendship he had built up between him and Ezra. No problem. No problem at all.

His brain was reeling. The fog still there. Still inching in on him from the corners of his vision. 

His hand almost instinctively reached for his bedside table. What could he say? The smell of that fucking hoodie just worked better than the lavender spray. He would not apologize for that. It was just a fact.

His fingers curled into the fabric. It was soft. Nice. Thin. Thinner than usually.

He turned his head and glanced over through narrowed eyes. 

“...what?”, he muttered to himself.

He was grabbing Ezra's shirt. 

Not his hoodie.

But that couldn't be? He had seen him take it with him when he left. Bundled up in his hand. He had definitely been holding...

well...

a black shirt.

Wait a second. 

If Ezra's shirt was here, still folded up above his already wrongfully abandoned hoodie—then what shirt had he taken home with him?

Theo's eyes scanned the room. There were shirts draped over the rest of his chair, shirts stacked onto the seat of his chair, shirts laying on his desk, shirts in his laundry basket, shirts everywhere, basically. Some of them ready for the washing machine, some of them still clean. He would never be able to tell if one of them was missing.

But Ezra wouldn't just take one. Right? He wouldn't just... grab a random shirt of his and steal it. It probably wouldn't even fit properly. And it wouldn't even be his style.

Maybe he'd taken one of Theo's on accident? No. No way. They had specifically talked about him not forgetting to take back the one he had put to his hoodie.

Oh god. So—had he actually...? 

Theo shook his head, and grabbed the hoodie—first thing's first—and then his phone.

He opened his chat with Ez.

The last messages there were the ones of Ezra's Amelia Earhart impression. He just ignored them, took a sniff of the hoodie to calm his nerves, and then typed his text.

'Hey, sorry, did you maybe take one of my shirts? Lol'

He deleted it. Then started typing again. 

'Hey, I think you've got one of my shirts...'

He deleted that too. 

Fuck, how could he even approach that topic without coming off like a total idiot? What if Ezra didn't even take one? And Theo just brainlessly shot an accusation like that at him?

'You're a shirt-thief! And a... shirt-forgetter!'

No, that was weird. 

'Why'd you take my shirt? And leave yours?'

Nope. Not sending that either.  

'Come back and give me my shirt, please.'

Delete. 

'Just come back.'

Delete. 

'Please.'

He looked at the message. 

Delete. 

God, what was he even doing here? This was absolute nonsense...

He put his phone away.

The lower half of his face was still nuzzled into the hoodie, inhaling the soft honey scent, pushing away the fog, one breath at a time. His eyes were focused on the ceiling, tracing the wooden patterns there.

What could he do? What should he do? He had to get rid off all that cramped up tension inside of him.

He scooted up in his bed a little, propping himself up onto his elbows.

Actually... who would be a better victim for his frustration, than his good, old reliable nemesis?

The guy that had probably caused that whole little chaos in his head with his messed up, weirdly sexual scenes.

Mister em-dashes-are-more-important-than-a-good-argument.

Or rather Mister two-men-who-canonically-want-to-murder-each-other-should-actually-kiss-each-other.

That absolute asshole of a commenter.

That brainless idiot under the guise of an anonymous literary critic.

Antinous_apologist.

Oh yeah. That guy's going down tonight. 

He took his phone back into his hand.

The last comment Theo had left, was the one he had written in the section beneath that cursed chapter 17 of antinous_apologist's story. 

telemachus33:

If this is your interpretation of a slow-burn story, then I am deeply uninterested in finding out what a fast-burn written by you would look like.

Also, thank you so very much for giving Telemachus that blindfold. It saved us all from any more "watch me" nonsense.

When he checked now, there were actually multiple responses. From different people. He scrolled through them, looking for the only one that mattered.

> three_headed_creature:

Don't you dare disrespect this author's "watch me" magic. Don't like, don't read. Easy as that.

> princess444bride:

Who told little buddy here that this would be a slow-burn? Lol

> ant1bacter1a:

Don't like—DON'T READ. Shut up and find urself a different fic u like more or get ur lame hating ass off Ao3.

> cen7auerslu7:

girl, there is no WAY he actually checked it out! LMAO WHAT i am living for the drama between these two authors

> suz_anne001:

Who else came here just to look for telemachus33's comment??? agfskdownslwks

>> cen7auerslu7:

AND FOR ANTINOUS_APOLOGIST'S RESPONSE!!

>>> suz_anne001:

SO real omfg

Theo sighed impatiently, just letting his thumb scroll lower and lower, until he finally found him.

> antinous_apologist:

Oops. Silly me. Must've been a typo. I meant to recommend chapter 27.

Glad to find that you've enjoyed Telemachus' blindfold, though. Not that I'm surprised. You already struck me as someone with a "secret" submissive side, especially after that passionate fixation on Antinous' "watch me" line you keep bringing up. Are you still sure you wouldn't enjoy a well-placed command? Or maybe you've just never had someone give you one?

Oh! No, wait. I just realized—you did follow my little suggestion after all. ;)

There it was. That fucker's comment. Finally.

Theo rolled his eyes. Of course that prick had to make this about his love life again. Seriously, what was wrong with that guy? 

He would not play this game. Not tonight. 

No. Tonight, he would just simply destroy him. No petty remarks. No back-and-forth. No nothing.

Just antinous_apologist as a nice, faceless target for his pure, unfiltered anger. Or frustration. Or whatever it was he was feeling right now.

He typed his response, Ezra's hoodie still lying on his chest, right beneath his chin, for him to breathe in. 

>> telemachus33:

Your humor really does match your intellect—both are painfully juvenile.

So please don't expect me to read any more of your senseless smut-chapters. I am always happy to support other amateur authors, but I would rather stick to the ones whose vocabulary consists of more than "moan", "grind" and "suck".

He posted it. Then refreshed the page, waiting for antinous_apologist's reply.

It only took a minute until it popped up. 

Well—not exactly it... The reply comment wasn't written by antinous_apologist. It was just some other reader, involving themselves with their little feud here.

>>> suz_anne001:

I need you two to co-author a sharpwolf fic PLEASEEEE!! 

Theo furrowed his brows. Ignored it. Kept refreshing the page. 

Another comment appeared. Not one from antinous_apologist either. 

>>>> cen7aurslu7:

YES! PLEASE! Give the people what they want!! (telemachus33 needs to write Telemachus and antinous_apologist needs to write Antinous OBVIOUSLY)

He physically shuddered at that. Had these people nothing better to do than this? Didn't they join the archive to read fanfiction? Or write their own stories? Why did they busy themselves with two authors arguing in the comment section. That was really fucking weird...

Another comment. Still not one from antinous_apologist. 

>>>> gaia4718m:

Unpopular (popular) opinion: antinous_apologist tops.

And another one, just a few seconds after.

>>>>> suz_anne001:

LMAO yes! And telemachus33 whimpers 100%

WHIMPERS?

He wasn't crying over some half-assed comments from a random fanfiction writer. Yes, that prick was annoying, but not that annoying. He was very much still staying professional here.

He refreshed again, his eyes practically burning holes into his screen at this point.

Finally!

The prick himself replied.

>>> antinous_apologist:

Already giving up on trying to deny any of my claims? Is it that easy to break you? Come on, you can do better than that. I believe in you.

Fuck that asshole. 

>>>> telemachus33:

I don’t have anything to prove on here. I’m anonymous for a reason—just like everyone else.

But just to clear things up (since you apparently lack the mental capacity to read subtext): I didn’t skim this chapter because of your little “recommendation.” I only glanced at it because your mediocre writing and horrendous characterization of Homeric figures genuinely amuse me.

Also, I think it’s kind of hilarious to be called submissive by someone who proudly claimed to “live to please” just a few comments ago. But whatever, I guess...

He hit 'post', and then immediately got surprised by a notification from Ez.

“got home safe, bro”

With a picture attached. 

But Theo didn't open it. Not now. Not when he was literally in the middle of distracting himself from anything Ezra-related. Or just... people-related.

He needed to stay focused on antinous_apologist. 

He refreshed the page, but again, the first reply that popped up was from some other reader. Urgh. 

>>>>> gaia4718m:

"I don't have anything to prove on here"—continues to give the most defensive speech ever lmaooooo

Well.

No.

That wasn't what his comment was about. He wasn't defending himself with those explanations. He just offered that prick a little input from his point of view.

He took another inhale of the hoodie-scent.

Then refreshed the page again. 

A new comment.

>>>>> antinous_apologist:

Aw, see, my way of pleasing is making people feel good. Yours seems to be... following commands.

But hey—you did such a good job with that. I knew you had it in you. :)

And I totally get why you brought up anonymity. It’s kind of like a blindfold, isn’t it? Maybe like the one Telemachus was wearing here? Safe. Convenient. Keeps you from being seen.

But then again... it really does kill any “watch me” potential. Tragic. :/

That's just—

Just no.

Just absolutely no.

...how did they even get from em dashes and hyphens to this?

And why was he still seriously arguing with that prick? 

He was a grown man. He didn't follow some rando's commands. And he sure as hell didn't wear any blindfolds. He didn't even own a blindfold. And if he did, he wouldn't wear it. Not for that guy. Not for anyone. What would be so great about literally not being able to see?

Not that he wanted to 'watch him' either.

He just... wanted to see. Normally.

He did see. Normally.

This was—urghh—this was just the dumbest, stupidest fucking discussion ever.

>>>>>> telemachus33:

You seriously need help. You're brain is clearly damaged from all the smut you've read and written, and now you 1. project your weird kinks onto other people—even strangers online—and 2. probably don't even know what good sex looks like anymore.

Honestly? I almost feel sorry for your pathetic little self.

He hit 'post' and started refreshing again.

He half-expected to not get any reply to this comment anymore. But that assumption was wrong. Antinous_apologist's response popped up not even a minute after he'd posted it.

>>>>>>> antinous_apologist:

Show me what good sex looks like then. 

(And it’s ‘your’, not ‘you’re’ <3)

Theo audibly groaned reading that. All that perfectly constructed criticism ruined by one tiny typo.

But hey—that asshole did have a point. Why not prove that he did indeed know what good sex looked like? In contrast to antinous_apologist's writings so far, his story could have a little extra scene that actually portrayed a nice, loving night between two people.

Yeah.

Why not?

He knew sex. 

He knew how to write sex. 

Surely better than that asshole at least.

So... 

Yeah.

Chapter Text

Telemachus rose from where he had been sitting, knees to chest, covered in sweat and his enemie's blood, leaned against the cold stone wall of the palace. His heart was beating twice as fast as it usually did. His vision was slightly blurry, affected by the adrenaline still rushing through his blood. He was exhausted. And hurt. And yet it was still clear that he had won this round of battle against Antinous. Like always.

Neither of them had died by the hand of the other yet - it was true - but when the sun set on the west side of the horizon, it was Antinous who stayed moveless and panting on the floor, eyes closed, hand pressed flat against his side where Telemachus had left a shallow cut. He was bleeding, and the Ithacan prince almost felt sympathy for him as he watched him sitting there, weak and defeated, while he himself was already in the process of regaining his strength, preparing for the next round.

“Don't,” Antinous begged, barely above a whisper, still keeping his eyes closed. Blood drooled from his lips, down his chin, staining his clothes and armor. He was weak, and perfectly ready to receive that one final blow from Telemachus. But the prince hesitated.

He stepped toward the man, coming to a halt right before him, eyes glancing down on his pathetic, trembling form. He could kill him, right here and now, Telemachus thought, using the tip of his sword to tilt Antinous' head up by the chin. His enemy opened his eyes, fluttery slow, brows furrowed in a pleading gaze. He could kill him, he thought again. But they were alone here. It was just the two of them, right outside the palace, fighting their usual battle, attracting no witnesses. What would it be like for him to die all alone, with noone to watch him leave for the underworld but the very man who committed the last hit? They were enemies, of course. But Telemachus was different than Antinous in one essential thing - he did have a heart. And a conscience.

“You will die here tomorrow,” he said, tone dryly, while his eyes held the gaze of Antinous. “I promise you that.” And Antinous nodded, slowly, reverently, as if he had been well aware of those words, of the truth behind them. He had never had a chance against Telemachus. But tonight, the prince would grant him mercy. As one final toast to their long-lived rivalry.

Telemachus reached his hand down, offering the bleeding man his support. He brought him inside, to the nurse's chambers. She had already left, of course, and gone to bed, so the room was empty except for a low bench for Antinous to sit down on now, and a few medical tools for Telemachus to nurse him back to health.

“Why are you doing this?”, Antinous asked, grabbing the prince's hand as he was about to clean off more of the blood from his armor, the question coming out quiet and shaky, as if he could feel Telemachus' superiority and his mercy. The prince did not have an answer. Not immediately at least.

“Because everyone deserves to die in grace. Even the worst of us,” he explained, resuming his job on Antinous' chest-plate. He could feel him still breathing heavily, still suffering from the wounds Telemachus had left on his muscular but fragile body. “You get one last night. And in the morning, one last fight. There I will kill you.”

“Thank you,” Antinous sighed, genuinely, visibly flattered by the prince's mercy. His eyes were full of it, full of the gratitude and admiration he had for him, glowing up, warm and brown and intense, as he watched him clean his armor. He had always felt that Telemachus was not only the better fighter, but also just the better man. He was more skilled with his sword, more skilled with his heart, and definitely more skilled with his brain. Everything about him, really, seemed to have this quiet, beautiful undertone of something great. And he was nice to look at, too. So nice that Antinous' eyes so often had no other choice but to linger on him, to admire him, to make sure he felt seen. Because Telemachus deserved to feel seen. In every way.

“You're staring at me,” the prince noted, a neutral tone in his voice. He did not feel intimidated by his enemie's gazes. A pair of honeyed eyes were no threat to his composure.

“I apologize,” Antinous whispered, still not looking away. “You're just so pretty.” And he meant it. It was obvious that he meant it. Just by the way he had said it and by the way his hands found Theo's waist now, big, calloused hands that had no trouble embracing the prince's form. His touch was warm, but comfortable. And when Telemachus paused his helping work and looked back at him, taking notice of his hands' placement, he could feel the pulling tension between them. It was as if they were both strangely drawn to each other. By mutual respect, by mutual admiration, and, in their case, by the secret sensation inside their chests, telling them that they were more than just two men, looking at each other, feeling their pulse so loudly in their ears, wanting to have the other close. Closer than they already were. They wanted their hands to touch, their chests, their stomachs, their legs. Their lips.

Telemachus set the clothe he had used to clean up Antinous aside and leaned slightly forward, face tilting down toward the injured man. 

“You're hurt,” he whispered, giving a meaningful nod. One of them had to stay logical and responsible here, and of course it had to be Telemachus. Antinous was far too besotted to think of his wounds.

“I know,” he said, not planning on stopping this anytime soon. He held the prince's waist in his hands, keeping him so close before him that if he rose off the bench right now, their faces would be just inches apart. So he did just that.

He stood up, pulling the prince closer, pressing their chests flush against each other, hovering his face right before Telemachus', their lips only a breath away from touching. It didn't feel wrong, or weird. It felt reverent, and comfortable, and yet exciting. Like embers that had just been waiting for a final spark to set this fire. Antinous' arms were strong, the prince traced them with his fingers, starting from where the man was holding him, running slowly upwards, over his biceps, to his shoulders, eventually linking his hands behind his strong neck.

“You're so pretty,” Antinous whispered again, leaning his forhead against the prince's. And he was right again. Telemachus was pretty. Not only in Antinous' words and eyes, but in general. He was pretty.

And Antinous was pretty, too. In a different, taller, stronger, broader way. With soft, dark hair that felt like silk between Telemachus' fingers, and tiny freckles on his nose that were only noticeable from up close, and lips that looked blushier and softer than the ripest fruit of Ithaca, just waiting to be tasted, to be felt. He didn't seem affected by his wounds. Not now when all he seemed to be able to sense was the prince.

“Do you want to kiss me?”, he asked, so quietly it felt more like a prayer than a whisper. And Telemachus did not hesitate with his response.

“Yes.” He tipped his head back, letting his eyes fall shut at the sweet sensation of Antinous' lips finding his.It was soft at first, gentle, careful. Like a dance of two warriors waiting for the other to strike first. Antinous' hands tracing up the prince's spine. Telemachus' fingers curling into his hair, playing with the strands, using them to pull their mouths harder against each other. Then the kiss turned faster. Like hunger that had been ignited now and that slowly but surely was burning them down. From their joined lips, down to their chests, fueling their rushing hearts, pumping blood through their veins, with every starving breath they took. They were inhaling each other, their tongues sliding into the kiss, wettening their lips in a way that made them move just even smoother against each other.

Antinous pulled the prince rougher against his body, running his hands down to his hips, as they both stumbled back against a wall, Telemachus' spine pressing hard against the cool stone, while his front was busy taking in Antinous' body heat. He usually never felt this way toward men. But this night was an exception. It wasn't the man in Antinous that made his hands and lips grow greedy, it was just the deep respect for him as his worthy opponent. The appreciation for his fighting. Their hips moved against each other, a waving, rolling motion, mirroring the hunger of their kisses, Telemachus' fingers cramping slightly in Antinous' hair, as the man parted their mouths and started trailing down his jaw instead, down to the prince's neck. It was hot, and breathy, and unusually rhythmic. As if every movement of their bodies was building up to something bigger.

He felt Antinous biting into his neck, sucking in a cold breath at the sensation, hips jerking forward. Antinous just bit down harder in response, groaning against the prince's skin, rocking his hips against his now, greedy and low.

“You feel so good,” his murmured into Telemachus' ear, warm and growly, as if he was entranced by how well the prince was responding to his movements, as if he was in awe about how nice and warm he felt. As if just this slow sensation of their laps rubbing against each other was enough to drive him insane. As if he needed more.

Telemachus felt the man's hand sliding from his hip, down to the inside of his thigh, trapped between their pushing and pressing bodies. It felt good. Like Antinous knew exactly how to touch him. Bringing his hand up and curling his fingers around him, all while kissing his neck as if he would starve the moment he'd dare to stop, leaving a storm of bruises on Telemachus' skin there. But his hand only got a few slow stokes in, before he shifted again, moving his lips lower, kissing down the prince's chest, his eyes fluttering open, meeting Telemachus' gaze. 

“You're doing so well,” he muttered against his stomach, low and breathless. And Telemachus knew that his words were true. Even though it felt messy, even though the heat between them had turned every little twitch and roll and stroke into a blur, making it impossible to really tell who was doing what anymore - he was doing well.

Antinous did not even ask, did not wait for more permission. He rushed down to his knees, lips following the movement as if he had every right to go there, to touch the prince there, to kiss him there, to taste him there. But Telemachus didn't mind. He arched into the feeling, rolling his head back with a confident sigh, fingers buried deep in Antinous' curls, taking note of every little back and forth movement.

It was heaven. The feeling just the same as if it was a women kneeling before him right now, closing her lips around him. If he was to close his eyes, he probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference. But he kept looking down on Antinous anyway, his vision blurry and dazed, and yet still focused, taking in the whole scene. The pressure in his stomach rising, the sight of Antinous' mouth filling up, the feeling of his tongue gliding over his skin with every slip and slide, with every sound escaping Antinous' lips, echoing against him, making everything even warmer, hotter, harder, forcing Telemachus to rock his hips against him, to bite down on his lip, to fall over that last, final edge, letting go of that tension, letting Antinous taste it, letting him feel it, and swallow it, like he had been starving to finally do so.

“You did so well,” Antinous said again, licking the white of his lips and chin, his voice strained and quiet, eyes locked on Telemachus'. And he was right. Although they were enemies, and he would rightfully die by Telemachus' hand tomorrow, he did still have the strength to appreciate how well the prince had done here, while he was still kneeling, still looking up at him with thankful eyes and a flushed face, and one little dimple in his cheek as he pulled his lips up into a tired grin.

Chapter Text

Theo stared at the fogged up glass wall before him, his body simultaneously shivering and feeling completely numb. His throat was dry, his mouth carrying a bitter taste, water running down his face and further down his skin all the way down to his toes. The shower was cold.

What did that one Monty Python song say? Always look on the bright side of life.

Yes.

He decided to just focus on the positive parts of what had just happened.

Yep.

He had successfully written and posted that chapter, proving antinous_apologist wrong and showing that little group of conspiring readers that he did indeed know how to write sexual scenes and was not some adult virgin loser. And that chapter turned out pretty amazing, too. Like—the dialogue wasn't too on the nose, the tone shift had a nice flow, the descriptions were convincing... Incredibly convincing...

Yeah.

Those were the things he would focus on. How nice his work had turned out. Not how it had taken him four—FOUR—trembling attempts to make it through the second half, leaving him in possibly the most shameful situation, with one hand on his keyboard and one hand clinging onto Ezra's hoodie, sniffing it as if its scent would somehow magically make the drumming heat in his chest and stomach go away, and with his thighs sticking uncomfortably together, rubbing—no—shifting against each other every time a new scene detail popped up in his mind.

At least he hadn't fully jerked off to that. To his own fucking writing. To two men—two fictional men—two fictional characters getting it on in his own story. It was just words on a screen. Nothing to get all hot and bothered about.

He took a deep, soul shattering breath, turned the water off and stepped out of the shower.

It was past midnight at this point. He had not checked for any new comments since he had posted that new chapter, and he didn't plan on doing so any time soon. At least not today. Maybe tomorrow. When his mind would be clean again.

He hadn't checked Ezra's message yet either. When he grabbed his phone, it still hovered unopened in his notification bar. 

“got home safe, bro”

He read it again. And again. Trying to muster up the courage to click on it, to open that damn picture. What could it be? What could it possibly fucking be? Another shirtless selfie? And what would be so terrifying about that? He had seen him plenty of times without a shirt on by now. He had even felt him up like a creep. So. What was this annoying voice in his head that held him back now? Maybe he was wearing Theo's shirt. The one he had stolen. Or maybe he was more than just shirtless... Fucking god, no. Stop. These thoughts had to seriously stop!

How was that even happening?

He had used antinous_apologist to blend out his weird situation with Ezra, and now he had to use Ezra to blend out his weird situation with antinous_apologist.

This was insanity.

Fuck this. 

He put his phone on the side of the sink and clicked on their chat, while reaching for a towel, lazily drying his skin off, daring a first glance at the picture.

Okay. Alright.

Just another shirtless picture.

Nothing crazy. Just— just that.

He wrapped the towel around his hips and took a closer look. Just to check if it really was just that. 

Okay.

Mh.

Mhm.

Yeah...

Ezra sat leaned back on his bed as usual, shirt off, chest out, hair slightly messy, a tired grin on his face. Though this time he had one of his arms flexed just to show off, that smug bastard. Just because Theo had mentioned his arms were nice, didn't mean he had to rub it in. Yes. Everyone got it—he was hot. No need to send more proof of it...

Theo zoomed in a little, scanning the soft lines of his muscles, his mind instantly connecting the view to how it had felt to trace those lines. He giggled quietly to himself. In the bathroom. By himself. Like a crazy person.

Well, it was at least nice to find that all their weird little moments today were apparently not bad enough to set an end to that little running joke between them with the 'getting home safe' and 'sending shirtless selfies'.

He let his fingers move over the screen, pulling the picture over to Ezra's face, that tired grin and those bedroom-eyes he always wore when he sent those pictures, as if trying to seduce Theo. He bit his lip, giggling again. It was late. His mind wasn't acting right at a time like this.

He moved the picture again, further down, to Ezra's chest. Nothing new. And yet—still just as nice to look at as the first time he'd gotten to see it. What was it that Ezra had said? That Theo was the only one he took his shirt off for? Of course, that had been a joke. Obviously. Just a little quip between friends. But... it was fun to pretend. It was fun to think he really was the only one who got to see him like that. Half-naked and heavy-lidded. 

He put a hand flat on his stomach, exhaling deeply. Okay. Enough. He'd already had four weird unsolicitedly heated situations tonight, he didn't need another.

He was about to click the picture away and go on with his after-shower routine, when he spotted it. There. In the background. Behind Ezra's arm. Sprawled out on his bed.

It was Theo's. 

It was definitely Theo's. 

He recognized the print on it. The little illustration of the Trojan horse. Yes. That was Theo's shirt. It had to be.

So... he'd really stolen it?

He squinted and scanned the shirt, as if he would be able to read the reason for Ezra's thievery off its fabric that way. It didn't work. Why'd he taken it? And why hadn't he even tried to hide it while taking the selfie? Had he not realized that it was Theo's and not his? Bullshit. He had to know. His shirts were way bigger than Theo's. Had he tried it on? Had he worn it? On his ride back home? While lying in bed? Was he wearing it right now?

Theo exited the picture and clicked on the little text field, thumbs dancing hesitantly over the keyboard. But the issue from earlier stayed the same—how was he supposed to ask him about the shirt without making it weird and akward and accusatory?

Should he even mention it at all? It was just a shirt. He had plenty others. It really wasn't that big of a deal, and, if Ezra wouldn't give it back in the future—he even had one of his as leverage in return, plus an extra hoodie, so...

He typed his message. 

"Glad you didn't die." 

Hm.

He hesitated again. Added a smiley face. Deleted it. Added it again. And deleted it again. Then just sent it. 

Yes.

That was nice and friendly. And not accusatory. Who knew? Maybe Ezra would mention it first. Apologize. Explain himself. Just say something about it.

The little marker at the bottom right corner of the message switched from 'sent' to 'seen' and Theo felt his heart do a small jump. He waited. So Ezra was still awake, too? He put his phone away, gave Ezra some time to reply, and put his clothes on in the meantime. When he picked it back up and checked their chat, there still was no new message from Ez.

Well, alright. 'Glad you didn't die' might not've been the most replyable message. So that made sense. He probably didn't have anything more to say. He had made it home safe. End of story. Nothing else to share with Theo. Or maybe he was too tired. Maybe he was already half-asleep. In Theo's shirt?

He shook his head. 

It really was late. 

And tomorrow he'd have enough chances to worry about the shirt. For now, it was time to get some rest, and end this insane day. 

Chapter Text

“Someone's up early,” Maisie smiled, sinking down on the seat opposite of Theo in the kitchen.

He rolled his eyes and kept stuffing cereal in his mouth.

“Got class in half an hour,”, he muttered full-mouthed.

“I see.” She didn't even get herself some sort of breakfast. She just sat there, looking at him as if she knew something. “And how was your time with Ezra yesterday?”

Theo almost choked on the cereal. 

“Wha—”, he coughed. “Why are you asking?”

She tilted her head, taken a little aback by his reaction, a slow grin growing on her face.

“Just making smalltalk. But seems like that's more of a bigtalk-topic for you?”

He shook his head. Aggressively. 

“No, I'm— just, like... nothing.” He cleared his throat, his fingers starting to fidget under Maisie's far too intrigued gaze now. “I mean, we didn't do much... What did you do, though? That's the real question. Why'd you even let him in?”

Maisie quirked an eyebrow, laughing as he obviously tried to twist the questioning. Well, what else was he supposed to do? Tell her about class? About how all their uni mates got to watch them fight? About how they almost got to see a spot that looked dangerously close to a hickey? About that nightmare of a movie night? About how he'd felt Ezra up? About how their goodbye had been way worse than their usual just awkward ones? Which part exactly did she expect him to share with her here?

“He's your friend—sorry—your not-friend. Of course I let him in,” she shrugged as if she saw nothing wrong in her actions. “We had fun. Cooked together, as you know. Talked a lot...”

Theo snorted and stabbed his cereal with his spoon like a petulant child. 

“Yeah, you told him my middle name. I know.”

And there she laughed again.

“He asked! What? Did you want me to lie to him?”

“Yes, actually.”

“Oh, come on now. Don't be a spoilsport, Humphrey.”

He stabbed the cereal again. 

“Stop that. Didn't we agree that you shouldn't meddle with my friendships?”

“You mean not-friendships? You know, since Ezra is your not-friend?”, she kept teasing.

He just groaned and buried his face in his hands. How could someone be so evil so early in the morning?

“He's a friend now, okay? Things have changed. We are friends. So drop it.”, he grumbled against his palms, frustrated with the fact that he even had to defend himseld here. What did it matter to his sister whether or not Ezra and he were friends? It was just a little complicated, that was all. But, yeah, they were friends now.

Probably...

“Okay,” she chuckled. “Good.” He put his hands back down, glaring at her as he resumed his breakfast. “You know that I wouldn't have had to let him in if you'd just texted him back and told him you'd made it home safe after the party though, right? Why didn't you just do that?”, she kept pressing.

Oh for fucks sake. 

“I had therapy. You know that. That's why you made up the whole dentist story, ”, he shrugged.

But Maisie just shook her head. 

“No, I made up the dentist story because you weren't here when he came over. I couldn't offer him a good lie as to why you hadn't texted him back.”

His heart sunk at that. 

“So— so what did you tell him then when he asked?”

Please. God. Don't let her have ruined this... 

She leaned back in her chair, brows furrowed, scanning him, thinking for a moment, before she replied.

“Didn't tell him anything.” Thank god. “I just said that I didn't know. And I didn't, and I still don't.”

Alright. He swallowed, looking down on his cereal, acting more interested in his breakfast now than in this conversation. 

“Well... I was tired. Just went straight to bed.”

“And in the morning?”

“Was too busy getting ready for therapy to text back.”

Why was she so adamant about finding out? She couldn't even possibly know that there was something to be found out at all. Unless... 

...oh fuck. 

No no no. 

“Why, did he say something?” He tried his best to sound casual. Unbothered. Just a little 'oh, did he share something about last night with you that might make it look like we had done something ridiculous like—kiss?'.

Maisie still sat leaned back, crossing her arms now, eyes narrowing. 

“Maybe.”

NO. Fuck. No.

His spoon almost slipped from his hand so sweaty were his palms now. He could feel his heart going at a hundred miles an hour, all sorts of images running through his brain—Ezra standing beside Maisie in their kitchen, chatting, casually bringing up how Theo had sounded when he'd bitten his neck... Or Ezra grating the cheese for the risotto, laughing about how Theo had clung to his neck when he'd pushed him against the wall in that hallway... Or them sharing a giggly grin as he tells her about how stupid he had looked after that first little brush of their lips...

The options were endless.

“W-well, what, uh, what'd he tell you then?” His face was probably growing redder than the jug of untouched strawberry juice that stood between them.

Maisie clicked her tongue. 

“Not much, I'm afraid.” Not much? What did 'not much' mean? Did she know, or did she not know? “But he did say that the two of you got pretty shitfaced.” Yes. Okay. Yes. That was true. Of course that was true, otherwise that whole hallway moment wouldn't even have happened.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry, I guess I got kinda carried away with the—”

“Teddy, I don't care that you got too drunk. I want to know what happened.”

His breath hitched. Panic rising in his chest. They stared at each other, both trying to read the other's mind. 

And Theo realized... she did not know. 

Fuck, Ezra hadn't told her shit. This wasn't Maisie calling him out. This was Maisie trying to get him to expose himself. Yeah, she knew he had something to hide, thanks to his stupid nervous stammering here. But she did not have a single clue on what it was he was hiding.

Oh, thank the almighty fucking god.

He exhaled, trying not to look too relieved. 

“Nothing bad. Just got too drunk and made a bit of a fool of myself, I guess. Was just a little embarrassed to face him after that, that's all.” Good. That was smooth. That sounded believable.

But she didn't back down. Not yet. 

“A fool, how?”

He tried to think of something. 

“I... tried hitting on one of our mates from class.” Her face lit up at that. Hah. Maisie was so easily tricked with stuff like that. “Yup, but it didn't work out, because, y'know, I was too drunk and stuff.”

She leaned forward in her seat now. 

“Who was it?”

He thought for a second. 

“Jules.”

She nodded, as if she knew her. She didn't. 

“Interesting...”

Oh.

Maybe she didn't believe him after all?

“Yeah, she's cute,” he added, as if that would make it more believable.

“And what did Ezra think of that?”, Maisie asked.

Nothing. Because it hadn't actually happened. 

“Not much. Just found it amusing, because I was slurring and swaying the whole time. So. Yeah. Was a bit embarrassing.” He finished his cereal. “But it's all good now.”

She nodded again, still only half-convinced by his lie.

Theo rose from his chair, putting his dishes away. 

“Okay. Anyway. Nice talk. Gotta go join the class now. See you later.” He had to get out of there before he'd get too nervous and mess up his story.

“Oh—”, she gasped, just now remembering something. “Yeah, no, I won't be here for lunch today I'm going out with Hector.”

He looked at her with a shrug, standing at the door, ready to leave for his room.

“Okay, cool. See you... for dinner then?”

She shook her head. 

“No, sorry. I'll probably stay at his place for the night...”

Oh.

“Really?” His voice came out smaller than intended. He cleared his throat. “Well, I'm glad that it's working out with you two. Uhm...see you tomorrow then, yeah?” 

She gave an apologetic smile. 

“Yeah. I'll be back for breakfast, I promise.”

Phew. Okay. 

He felt something heavy falling from his chest at that. 

“Cool,” he smiled. “Have fun then. Love you.” 

Maisie nodded. 

“I love you, too, Teddy.”

And he could finally leave to go to his room.

Chapter Text

Class had already started, of course. Mrs. Prettson was in the middle of her lecture.

He made sure to sit in a position on his bed that wouldn't make him look like a scrunched up little fool. Did he really have to turn on his camera again? Maybe she'd forgotten that she'd asked him to do so a few classes ago... but she probably hadn't. And he didn't feel like getting into any senseless trouble for testing something like that.

So, he did turn it on, and revealed his sleep-deprived face to everyone.

His eyes skipped over the many faces, finding Ezra in the upper left corner, gaze focused on something other than Mrs. Prettson, mouth busily chewing on a pen again. Theo had to smile at that. He really did look like a hamster when he did that. 

He pulled out his phone, opened their chat. Still no reply—not that he was surprised. ...or, well, maybe a little surprised. Usually Ezra immediately jumped to text him or give him a grin or a wave when he joined class. But maybe his mind was just focused on other things today. Which was fair. Obviously. No big deal.

Was he wearing Theo's shirt? He couldn't tell. His laptop camera cut off at his chest, right above the area where the trojan horse print would be. The color was similar. But maybe he just also had a shirt in that same shade of dark red.

Theo waited, hoping that he might lean back and reveal more of the shirt. It didn't happen. And he still didn't even look up. He didn't check whether or not Theo had joined the call, he wasn't looking for him. Which—again—was fair. But still just a little odd...

Now he noticed that Ezra looked pretty tired, too. As if he hadn't slept well. Or hadn't slept at all. 

Hair messy, eyes heavy, skin a little pale and flushed at the cheeks and nose...

Maybe their moment last night at the door was haunting him. Maybe he'd been turning in his bed all night long, cringing at the memory of Theo's awkward little panic.

He shuddered at that idea. God no, hopefully that whole scene was just a momentary memory for him. Hopefully he didn't think about it anymore.

Theo still had their chat open, thumb hovering over the keyboard, trying to think of something to say. In the end, he decided to just sent him a gif. One that showed a hamster chewing on some pretzel sticks. The similarity to Ezra was insane.

And kind of cute.

He waited again, watching the message go through and the little 'seen' symbol pop up, and then his eyes flicked up to Ezra's video.

He grinned.

Ezra grinned.

Small and tense as if he was trying not to, but he definitely did grin, yes. 

Theo's heart did a relieved little jump, his own lips curling up into a smile as Ezra finally—finally—lifted his gaze and looked into the camera, finding Theo.

They shared a quick, giggly glance, then Ezra looked down again to type a reply. And Theo waited for it, excitedly.

“that supposed to be ME??”

Theo replied without hesitation.

“Obviously.”

“wow OK rude”

He chuckled as he caught Ezra throwing him a playful glare through his camera. 

“It's not my fault. You've got to stop chewing on pens, hamster-boy.”

Now Ezra chuckled, behind his muted screen. 

“or maybe YOU just gotta stop watching me and start focusing on the lecture instead, bro”

He felt his cheeks blushing a little at that. Fuck. That was an annoyingly good point, unfortunately. 

He looked up from his phone again, only to be met with Ezra's victorious grin and wiggling eyebrows. Asshole.

“Can't help it. You're too distracting. Love your shirt, by the way.”

Take the bait. Take the bait. Take the bait. Take the bait.

Ezra's face lit up as he read that, grinning even wider into the camera, before slowly leaning back in his chair— HE KNEW IT! That was Theo's fucking shirt!

Ezra sent two messages now:

“looks like it was made to be worn by me, right??”

“tell me i don't look hot in it, bro, i dare u”

And Theo couldn't even begin to name what he was feeling right now. Anger? Confusion? Frustration? Annoyance? Amusement? Fondness? He really wasn't sure. But it that feeling was strong. Far too strong.

His face was heating up as he texted back. 

“You don't look hot in it. And why'd you even take it?”

Ezra replied instantly. 

“:(” 

Theo rolled his eyes, but Ezra literally did pull a face in real life too. Pouting at him from across the screen, like a had just punched him.

“You promised to not forget about your shirt, and now you've left it and stole one of mine instead?” 

“:(”

“Did you do that all on purpose?” 

“:(” 

Theo groaned—mostly to hide how much he wanted to laugh and cry at the same time right now. Why did those sad emojis actually make him feel bad?

“Why'd you take my shirt?” 

“:(” 

“Ezra.”

He locked eyes with him, throwing him an 'explain yourself'-glance. And Ezra visibly sighed.

“u rlly don't think i look hot in it?? :(” 

Oh fucking hell. What a child. 

Theo typed something, deleted it, retyped something else, deleted that too, and then settled on his final, third draft.  

“Will you explain yourself if I say that you do?” 

Ezra nodded eagerly into the camera. 

Okay. Whatever. Fine. 

“You look hot in it.”

Sent.

Ezra smiled like the devil himself. 

He was really just such an idiot.

Theo watched him type his next text.

“didn't forget my shirt. just thought maybe u'd wanna share ur clothes with me too. since u've enjoy keeping my hoodie yk?”

Theo gasped at that, vigorously shaking his head at him. 

“I'm not keeping your hoodie. You can have it back whenever you like.”

Ezra reacted almost disgusted to that message. 

“OK but YOU can not have ur shirt back whenever u like tho” 

Theo furrowed his brows, and just sent a single question mark in response. 

Ezra shrugged. 

So Theo typed another message.

“But it's mine.”

“not anymore” 

What?

What was this? What was his goal? Was he seriously trying to steal his shirt right now? Or, well—he had already stolen it—but was he seriously trying to keep it? 

“Okay, but I'm one up though. And you are not getting your shirt OR your hoodie back until I get my shirt back.” 

“i can live with that :)” 

He looked at Ezra. That bastard was smiling. Completely unbothered.

Jesus Christ, what was wrong with that man? And why was this idiotic little argument causing Theo's heart to fall into a rush? 

“You were right. I really should focus more on the lecture and less on you.”

He sent it and then acted as if he was now all serious, and professional, and focused, eyes 'looking' at Mrs. Prettson—even though he was still secretly watching Ezra's video. 

Ezra immediately responded to that little act.

“noo :(( come back and focus on me!!” 

Theo ignored the message.

“i was just teasing. u can have it back if u want” 

He ignored that as well. 

“u can have ur shirt back plus any of my shirts if u want” 

Still ignoring it. 

“u can have all of them if u want” 

And still ignoring it—although he had to stifle a laugh at the increasing ridiculousness of Ezra's messages here.

“u can make me shirtless if u want ;)”

Theo choked, eyes going wide at that. 

Now he couldn't ignore that anymore. Because—what? 

He quickly texted back, throwing him a far to flushed glare.

“Stop.”

Ezra just grinned. 

“ah so now u r looking at me again?? gotta make u imagine me shirtless first to get ur attention?? OK slut”

The blush on Theo's face reached down to his neck and over to the tips of his ears. 

“No. Just stop. I'm still ignoring you.”

But he wasn't. His attention was very much Ezra. Had been, for the entirety of this class. Or maybe even before that. 

“yk if u rlly want ur shirt back i could take it off and bring it over rn” 

Theo wanted to text back again—but no. He was committed to really act as if he was ignoring him now.

Ezra kept sending messages. 

“or i just keep it :)” 

Theo kept ignoring him.

“actually, it's kinda rude that i'm over here wearing ur shirt, but ur not wearing mine... just sayin”

“also, your shirt smells rlly nice. what is that?? mint? sage? lavender?” 

“it's definitely lavender” 

“it's lavender, right??” 

“tell me i'm right”

“want me to take my shirt off??” 

“i would if u want” 

“r u looking?? i can do it rn” 

“theooo”

“OK i learned my lesson”

“no more talking about shirts”

“theo”

“theodore” 

“theodore humphrey knights”

“i'm sorry”

“come back :(”

“:(((”

“:(((((”

Theo exhaled deeply, typing a reply. 

“You're annoying.”

Ezra instantly texted back. 

“I'm sorry :((”

No, he wasn't. He knew very well what he was doing. 

“If I let you keep the shirt, will you stop with this?”

“with what??” 

“Ezra.”

“fineeeee! i'll stop.”

Theo sent a thumbs-up, and tried to not scold himself for having given up on his shirt so easily just to basically pay Ezra for leaving him alone with those...way too strange messages. He almost regretted it. Well—not that he'd payed him to stop with his nonsense. No. That had been the right decision. But he regretted that he'd given in to his childish games here. 

He leaned over in his bed and stretched his arm out to reach for the window to open it. The air inside his room had turned a bit thick and heavy. And warm. 

“let's talk abt something different then. class is boring”

He could smile at that. Mrs. Prettson's class really was remarkably boring today. 

“Okay. What do you want to talk about then?” 

They exchanged a quick look via their cameras.

Ezra looked almost hesitant for a second there. As if he wasn't sure if his next message was really a good idea.

Theo started to worry that he might bring up the door-moment. Or the chest-moment. Or the hallway-moment. They had way too many moments... 

Ezra's thumb hovered over his display. Really, visibly overthinking his message now.

Then he sent it anyway. 

And it was...surprisingly harmless. 

“how's ur book coming along?”

Chapter Text

“Don't ask. I still haven't even written the first sentence.”

Theo sent it then let out a heavy, frustrated sigh. How was it that he had so much energy for working on that stupid fanfiction but none for his actual book project? Depression was unfair.

Ezra took his time with his reply.

“i'm sure when u r ready to write it, it's gonna turn out great :))” 

He smiled at that.

It was weirdly comforting to hear that.

It was weirdly comforting to hear that from Ezra.

He gave him a mouthed 'thank you' through their camera and received a little nod in return.

Ezra kept texting, taking even more time for his next message.

“and what abt that other thing u r writing??”

Theo felt his stomach twisting at that. 

God no. He did not want to think about his other story. Especially not about that latest chapter he'd posted. And he would definitely not talk to Ezra about it. No. That was between him and those other nerds and weirdos in the Archive.

“What do you mean?”

“idk bro, u told me u were writing something else too. when we were at the party, remember?”

Oh god. Had he actually?

Cursed be his drunken babbling...

“Oh. Yeah, that's just a little side-project. Not an actual book. Just a little writing for funsies, you know?”

That was the truth. That was very much the truth. So. He wasn't even technically lying to him.

“OK cool. and how's that going for u? is that anonymous guy still leaving hate comments?”

What the— he'd told him about antinous_apologist? What else had he fucking shared with him during that party? Man, he really had been drunk as shit.

Not that he'd ever really doubted that.

“It's going fine. Haven't written much these last couple of days, I'm afraid. But, yeah, that guy still exists, I guess. Not much of a problem, though. Just some anonymous loser lol”

That was only a half-lie. Antinous_apologist really wasn't a full-on problem. And he really hadn't written much these last couple of days... only that one chapter.

He looked at Ezra. Saw him chewing on his pen again. As if he was nervously playing with a little fidget toy.

“sounds like a total loser, yeah. probably some 12-year-old kid using his mum's ipad to hate on other people”

Theo shook his head, slightly. 

“I think he's an adult actually. Or at least he claims to he one.”

Well, actually he'd commented that he was 'past his teenage years and had long since had a lot of experience in bed' or something like that. But Theo couldn't quote that to Ezra without making it sound like he and antinous_apologist had been basically sexting or something.

Ezra replied again. 

“makes him even more of a loser” 

And then sent a second message right after. 

“so what's that little side-project about then??” 

Now that... that was a tough question. 

Theo was already typing out the title and summary of his story. But then he reconsidered. Because what if Ezra would start looking for it? What if he'd somehow find it online? What if he'd start reading it?

So, he deleted what he'd typed so far, and started a new text. One that just said that it was similar to a Odyssey-retelling from Telemachus' point of view. Because, why not? Even if Ezra would start asking follow-up questions about the plot—he could just leave out the part where he'd made the Ithacan prince get a bit too handsy with his mother's suitor in that last chapter. And Ezra wasn't really the type of guy who'd know what fanfiction even was. So he surely wouldn't get the idea to make the mental jump from 'retelling' to 'fanfic'.

“It's like an amateur Odyssey-retelling, I guess. Focusing on Telemachus' experiences in Ithaca during Odysseus' absence.”

That wasn't...uncool, right?

Right? 

Ezra took suspiciously long for his next reply... 

But Greek mythology was cool. And retellings, too. He wasn't, like, lame or something for enjoying those things. 

Ezra enjoyed them, too. At least Greek mythology. He should get it. 

...right? 

Theo started playing with a little piece of fuzz on his shirt, waiting for Ezra's text to come through, watching the three bubbles appear and disappear multiple times probably looking just as stressed as Ezra did now. 

Why the hell were they so awkward about this? Well, he had a reason to be awkward. He was trying to sell his fanfiction as something cool here. But Ezra? He had no business being as nervous as he was right now. He was always cool. He was just naturally cool. He didn't have to worry at all about coming off as weird or lame in conversations. 

A notification popped up. Not from Ezra. 

From Jules. 

He clicked on it, and switched over to their chat now, still waiting for Ezra to finish his reply. 

Jules' message didn't even include a hello, she just got straight to the point. 

“See u and Baines are no longer bed buddies”

He looked up and found her video in the corner opposite of Ezra's on his screen.

He quickly texted back. 

“Yeah, he went home after class yesterday.”

After class and a movie. But Jules didn't need to know that. 

“Damn, i was hoping for more thezra content :/”

Theo threw her a confused glance. 

“Thezra?”

She nodded with a little laugh. 

“theo + ezra = thezra”

What. 

“Kinda sounds like a high-school couple etching their initials into a tree lol”

But Ezra would be the girlfriend then and he'd be the boyfriend. 

Or, wait—was that transphobic?

Okay, maybe he'd be the girlfriend then.

Jules laughed even more now.

“it does, yeah. so when do i get more thezra?”

He chuckled at that, flushing a little from the sheer stupidity of this whole conversation. 

“I don't know. We don't have any new hangouts planned right now.”

Jules looked at him—shocked. As if he had just told her he was moving to Japan in two days and starting a goat farm there.

“WHAT? Unacceptable. Are u guys coming to Beverly's party on saturday???”

Then she sent another message right after.

“U kinda have to now. I've already decided for u. 8pm at Beverly's. (No jello shots allowed tho!)”

He snorted at that, chuckling to himself in his room like a lonely maniac. 

But... going to another party? So shortly after the last one? His social battery had barely recovered from Tuesday. He was not built for that uni lifestyle.

He hesitated before sending his reply.

“I'll think about it, okay?”

But Jules did not let it go. 

“Nope! I've already decided for u. Go tell Baines the good news <3 see ya on saturday xo”

And as if he'd heard them talking about him, Ezra's reply to Theo's last message finally popped up.

He switched back to their chat and read it. 

“sounds pretty sick, bro”

With a thumbs-up.

Just a thumbs-up.

Just that. 

...why had it taken him so long to type that out?

Well, but could he really complain, though? At least Ezra hadn't just pointed his finger at him and laugh at how ridiculous and childish and weird he was for being genuinely interested in Greek mythology and writing an Odyssey retelling. So... 

A win was a win. 

When he checked his video, Ezra was already looking at him, smiling almost shyly at him. As if he had just found something new to smile at in Theo's face.

Theo nervously brushed through his hair, half-checking if he might be looking messier than usual and if maybe that was the reason for the change in Ezra's smile.

He thought for a long moment, hesitant in whether or not he should just ask what was wrong. But then he didn't. And instead, he just typed:

“Do you want to go to a party at Beverly's on Saturday?”

Ezra's face lit up even more at that. 

“really?”

Theo's pulse jumped. What did he mean 'really'? Yes, of course 'really'.

“Yeah?”

He quirked an eyebrow at Ezra, waiting for his reply. It only took a second, sent with what looked like an honest to god giggle.

“OK but no tongue, alright?”

WHAT—stop! No.

Theo felt his whole body heating up, his jaw dropping a bit.

Why would he— what was— No. That's not— That's— No! 

He didn't even know how to respond, threw a glare at his camera, failed at it, looked back down at his phone, scoffing incoherent curses—at Ezra? At himself? He didn't know what to do.

Jesus. Why would he make a joke like that? Why would he go there?

His fingers jerked nervously over his keyboard. But no words came to his mind. What the fuck was he supposed to say?

Ezra was quicker to come up with something. 

“that was a joke, theo. pls keep breathing.”

Okay. Now he really glared at him. He was breathing. 

...barely.

But that was none of that idiot's business! 

This time his response came easy.

“Asshole.”

And Ezra laughed at it. Still in that slightly giggly kind of way.

“want me to pick u up on saturday then??”

Theo shook his head. 

“Maisie can drive me again.”

“u sure, bro?? my bike's big enough for two”

“Thanks, I appreciate the offer. But I'm sure Maisie will be happy to drop me off.”

“or i could just put u in my pocket. would probably work too”

He threw yet another glare at Ezra, but that asshole was just grinning and laughing at this phone as if he'd just made the greatest joke in history, apparently completely ignoring what Theo was even saying.

“Alright. Got it. Because I'm shorter than you, yes?”

“yes :))”

Wow. So creative and funny. How could that man be so mean and yet so clingy for attention?

“Ever thought that maybe you are just too tall?”

And just too much in general? Too muscular? Too broad? Too strong?

“6'3'' baby ;)”

Theo snorted. 

“Yeah, and all that space is used up to store that massive ego of yours.”

“oh, come on, just admit that u love my humor and height and we can call it a day”

“See? That's the ego I'm talking about.”

But he couldn't quite suppress the little grin that grew at their back-and-forth here, his cheeks still glowing faintly red.

“tell maisie i'll pick u up at 7:50 ;*”

Theo rolled his eyes. 

“I'm not getting on your bike.”

“in my pocket then??”

“No.”

“i'm gonna drive super carefully, i promise!!”

“No.”

“come on, coward”

Pardon? He was not a coward.

“I'm not a coward.”

“then let me pick u up”

He sighed. 

He did not want to get on that bike. Not with Ezra. 

But he also did not want to be this lame little boy with no sense of adventure or fun...

“How long does it take to get from my place to Beverly's?”

He could already feel his hands starting to shake at the sheer idea of actually giving in.

Ezra smiled widely at him and typed his reply. 

“twenty minutes max”

Urghhhhh... No no no no no no no...

“Fine.”

Whatever.

“is that a YES?? :)))”

Theo rolled his eyes but nodded into the camera. 

Ezra instantly sent another text. 

“HELL YEAH!!!”

And then, not even five seconds later, another one. 

“maybe just a little tongue then ;)”

And Theo flipped him off. Face burning hotter than the sun itself.

Chapter Text

Class didn't take much longer after that. Mrs. Prettson's monologue slowly came to an end. And she was going through the names to check the attendance list.

Knights was already checked, so Theo could fully focus on his phone, and on the message he'd been crafting for the last ten minutes, working out what to text his sister. Maisie was gone until tomorrow. Not an issue. But it had been ages since she'd stayed at someone else's places, and—because of that—it had been ages since Theo had spent his night entirely alone.

He liked knowing that someone was in the room three doors away. He liked knowing that he wasn't on his own. Just in case. And as much as he loved that Maisie seemed to finally feel comfortable enough with Hector to stay at his place—he was already dreading the next ten to twelve hours in this apartment.

'Just checking in :) Is everything alright? Did you say hi to Hector and Coffee from me?'

That was all he'd conjured up so far. Not much. But what could he say?

He didn't want her to worry. He didn't want her to think about her incapable brother for once, on her one day off. But he did want to make sure she was safe and happy. Hector seemed nice enough, yes. But you could never really know.

He decided not to overthink it anymore, and just pressed 'send' on the text he'd written so far. It was okay-ish. She was his sister. She knew about his poor social skills. She would survive one possibly awkward message.

“Whatcha doing over there, bro?”, Ezra's voice suddenly sounded from his laptop, startling Theo enough to almost yank himself, his phone and his laptop off the bed.

“Jesus,” he gasped, blinking at the screen, at that chuckling bastard.

Oh.

He hadn't noticed that everyone'd left. Oops. So class was over now? Okay.

“Sorry,” Ezra grinned.

Theo unmuted his mic, hesitantly.

“I was just texting Maisie.”

“About the party?”

Theo shook his head, face flushed. God, why did he always have to get so red whenever even the faintest mention of a party, or a hallway, or just Ezra was brought up?

“She's staying overnight at her boyfriend's place for the first time, so I just wanted to...y'know, make sure, she's alright.”, he muttered with a shrug, acting as if he cared much less than he did. “She's dated a bunch of abusive assholes in the past, so... yeah. Had to text her to check if everything's roger.” He did an awkward little double thumbs-up and immediately regretted it. God, why did he have to be so weird... But Ezra didn't laugh at his helpless gesture. He just nodded. “She's going to be back by tomorrow morning.” Jesus Christ, WHY WAS HE STILL TALKING? “So, nothing to worry about, really.”

Ezra looked at him, a soft smile on his lips—not even taunting or belittling, but it was clear that he saw the raging anxiety in Theo's mind.

“That's really sweet. I'm sure, she'll appreciate you checking in,” he agreed in a far too gentle tone. Then his video trembled a little as he carried the laptop over to his bed and sat down on his mattress half-lying half-sitting, putting Theo on his lap—or, well, no—putting his laptop with Theo on the screen on his lap. “And how have you been handling your day without her so far?”

Theo snorted at that.

“She only left like three hours ago. Haven't even really noticed her absence. I mean, we're usually just both in our separate rooms at this time of the day anyway. So, it's totally fine. Not an issue at all. And, like, I could call her if I really needed her. For an emergency or something. So she's not away away, you know? She'll be back soon anyway. So, yeah. No need to be stressed out.” But his voice was just a pitch too high and his answer just a few words too long to make him look as calm as he claimed to be.

Ezra hummed, listening to his nervous blabbering.

“When was the last time she's spent the night at someone else's place?”

Theo looked at him, chewing on the inside of his cheek. 

“About a year ago, I think.” He tried to remember the exact time. “But she came home at like two in the morning, so it was more like half a night at someone else's place. That dude was probably one of her worst boyfriends, if I'm being honest.” He shifted a little on his bed, making himself more comfortable, as if they were having some sort of gossip-chit-chat. The ones Maisie often had when she was on the phone with one of her friends. “His name was Phil, which, first of all—horrible name.”

“Yeah, sounds like a douche,” Ezra agreed with a little smile. 

Theo nodded strongly.

“Right? And trust me, it matched the guy. He was one of those rich dudes that thought that yelling at other people and ordering them around was their birthright. And he did that a lot with Maisie.” He rolled his eyes at those memories. “That night, when she had planned to stay over at his place, he yelled at her for not bringing a pretty enough set of pyjamas. And then he made her sleep on the floor, since she 'didn't deserve to share his bed looking like that'. She left as soon as he'd fallen asleep.”

“What a fucking asshole,” Ezra scoffed in disbelief.

Theo nodded again.

“Yeah. And he had the audacity to call her the next morning and curse her out for just leaving. He even came over to our building to try and make her come back. She had to file for a restraining order for that prick.”

“Sounds like a nightmare.”

“It was,” Theo sighed. “But at least she didn't stay with him. So... a nightmare with a happy end, I guess.”

Ezra hummed in agreement.

“Makes sense that you're worried, though,” he mumbled carefully.

Theo opened his mouth, closed and reopened it, hesitating with his response.

He glanced away, to the wall and then down to his own hands, avoiding Ezra's soft gaze on his screen.

“...maybe I am worried,” he muttered, half-hoping Ezra wouldn't hear it. “...just a little bit.” He frowned at his own conflicted feelings, exhaling through his nose. “But also—just kind of mad?” He shook his head upon hearing those words out loud from his mouth. “I mean, not like that. I'm not mad. Not really. Not at Maisie. Just... at the situation, you know?”

His eyes glanced up, meeting Ezra's again, nervous, anxious, afraid of all the things he could maybe see there. But Ezra just nodded again. Slow. Patient. Understanding?

“Sorry, that's stupid,” Theo corrected himself, pressing out an awkward laugh.

“No. It's not stupid,” Ezra interjected. Theo looked at him. “It's not stupid,” he repeated, softer. “It's a super frustrating position you're in. Maisie's at her new boyfriend's place and you don't have any control of what could happen to her. It's okay to be mad at that, I'd be mad, too.”

Theo blinked. Multiple times. Then... nodded. 

Yeah. 

It was frustrating. And he was mad at it. 

“It's just... I can't really help her, you know?” His voice was even smaller now. “I mean, I'm her brother, but all I can do is just sit here and wait. And hope for the best.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Ezra agreed. Then he exhaled deeply, as if to prepare for something heavy. “The months before my brother passed away, I spent almost every night sitting in my room, cursing at an empty wall, for how unfair it was that I couldn't do anything. That's the shittiest fucking feeling.” Theo looked at him, still chewing on his cheek, still fidgeting with his hands. It was silent for a moment, then Ezra pulled his lips back up into a little smile. “...not that you should be worried about Maisie dying anytime soon. I'm just... trying to be empathetic here, I guess.”

And Theo laughed. A deep, heartfelt, real laugh. 

“It's okay,” he assured him, releasing his cheek from his teeth to smile. “I appreciate the empathy. Thank you.”

And Ezra smiled back. 

“Always happy to help.”

They both shifted a little on their beds again, as if the air was lighter now. As if a little piece of that troubling tension had left.

“Was he older or younger than you?”, Theo asked then, his voice coming out easier now.

“Older. He would've been Maisie's age now, actually,” Ezra answered. “But probably way less mature and responsible.”

“Why not?”

“Well... Isaac was just less protective and parental than Maisie, I guess. He made me watch the Final Destination movies with him when I was ten, just to try and traumatize me. And he always stole my toys and then told me Santa Claus had taken them to give them to other kids next Christmas,” he explained, grinning at the way it made Theo laugh.

“Maisie let me believe Santa Claus would remove one of the gifts he had planned for me for every time I called her an annoying witch, until I was like fourteen.”

“Dude, fourteen is way too old to believe something like that,” Ezra wheezed.

“Ten is way too old to let your brother force you into watching a horror movie!”, Theo shot back.

“What was I supposed to do? Say no to my dying brother?”

They both just cackled at that. Theo's anxiety from earlier almost physically leaving his body now.

“Older siblings suck,” he sighed, trying to calm down from their laughter. “And yet... I still kinda worry about that annoying witch.”

“She'll be fine,” Ezra reassured him. “Maisie's probably the toughest woman I know. And if there's really an emergency, yeah, I'm sure she'll call you.”

“You think so?”

Ezra nodded. 

“But, if you don't want to be alone with it. I could always come over and give you some company,” he offered.

Theo grinned at him. 

“Yeah? You gonna be my substitute-sibling?”, he joked. And Ezra visibly winced at that idea.

“I don't think I'd do a good job at acting as your sibling,” he grinned back.

Probably not, no, Theo mentally agreed. Maisie was just one of a kind.

“Well, I appreciate the thought. But I think, I'll be okay. I'm just going to make myself some food and then watch tv or something,” Theo replied. He was an adult after all. He could manage being home alone for one single day.

“Alright,” Ezra said. “Just text me if you change your mind, yes?”

Theo rolled his eyes with a smile. 

“Yeah, yeah, okay.”

Ezra grinned. 

“Gonna get to see you on Saturday at the latest anyway.”

And Theo blushed a little. 

“I guess so, yeah.”

“So, see you later or on Saturday then?”

“Sure,” Theo nodded. “See ya.”

“Okay. Bye!”

“Bye.”

“Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Then they both left the video call.

Chapter Text

Wait what. 

Theo sat before the black laptop screen, staring wide-eyed at his own reflection.

A second passed. Five. Ten. Twenty.

Then he launched for his phone, unlocking it with the speed and skill of a squirrel on too much ritalin. No no no no no.

He opened his chat with Ez.

With Ez kissy-face emoji.

Ezra was already typing. 

Okay. Phew. Good. 

Because he didn't even know what he would've said anyway. 'Whoops'? 'Sorry, bro'? 'My bad'?

All that talk about their siblings had lulled him into a false sense of comfort. Or, like, a false sense of whatever it was that had made him say 'love you' to Ezra of all people.

No. 

Wrong. 

He had said 'love you, too'. In reaction to Ezra's 'love you'.

So—

So—

Ezra was the real issue here. He had slipped first. Theo had just reacted to it. Reflexively. Like, on instinct. Because, what is it you say when someone says 'love you' to you? Exactly. You say 'love you, too'. That was just the polite thing to do, the socially expected thing to do.

Yes. 

Ezra was the one who had slipped. And Theo had just responded to it in the way that society had trained him to do it.

Yes. 

Alright. 

Ezra's message popped up in their chat.

“forgot to say—love u more ;*”

Theo snorted. Loudly. Hysterically.

Okay, so this was great. It had been nothing but a little mistake. So, yes, why not laugh about it? Why not treat it as the fun little slip that it was? How many times had he called a teacher mum in high school? Yeah. Stuff like that happened. People slipped. And said the wrong thing on accident. That wasn't the end of the world. It was just a slip, just a funny little slip.

He texted back, hectically, sending multiple messages at once, sighing in relief. 

“Lol”

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, I almost got a little worried there.”

Was that sarcastic enough? Should he have added a 'just kidding' at the end? But that would've probably made it sound a little over-compensating. No, this was just fine. Ezra would get it.

His reply came quickly.

“theo, that's not how it works”

What?

Theo sent a question mark. 

“u gotta say 'love u most'” 

And as if he had seen the confused frown on Theo's face at that, he added:

“that's just how it works. i don't make the rules”

Theo hesitated, his eyes glancing around the room—as if to check if someone was watching, for whatever fucking reason—and then he just... he just typed it out. 

“Okay. Love you most then, idiot.”

And Ezra immediately texted back. 

“love u mostest :))”

Alright. What the hell was this now.

“'Mostest'? That's not even grammatically correct.”

“it's the superlative to 'most'” 

Oh, he could not be serious right now... 

“No, it isn't? 'Most' is already a superlative. Much - more - most. That's how grammar works.”

“and then mostest :)”

Theo huffed out an amused breath through his nose. 

“You're so weird.”

“u r weirder. or like... the mostest weird ;) ;)” 

“Okay. That's enough. I'm going to stop talking to you and make pasta now. Bye.”

“OK bye, c u on saturday, love you ;*” 

“I'm blocking you.”

He didn't. He just turned his phone off and put it onto the kitchen counter beside the stove. 

Ezra was so annoying. And not even in a bad way, but, just, like—why did he have to be like that? Yeah, it was funny. But... it was also just weird. Like... causing-Theo's-chest-to-send-strange-little-sparks-through-his-entire-body kind of weird. It didn't make sense. He didn't like it. 

He boiled a pot of water and then put the pasta in. Enough for one person—not two. The portion looked small. Lonely. 

He didn't have any motivation to make a sauce, so he decided to just rummage through their pantry for a can of pesto. Quick and easy. 

When he came back to the kitchen, his phone screen was lit up with a new message. Two new messages. From Maisie. 

He opened them. 

“Coffee and Hector say hi back! <3 We made cookies!! (don't worry, I saved u some hehehe)”

And then a picture. Of Maisie standing in Hector's kitchen, holding a plate of fresh chocolate chip cookies, grinning at the camera of the phone Hector was holding while he had his free arm loosely wrapped around her, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. It was probably the sappiest, most couple-y photo possible. But that was more than okay. Hector was truly besotted with her. Good. Good. Maisie deserved nothing less than a nice, calm day of baking cookies with a kind boyfriend and his puppy. And she looked genuinely happy there. 

And Theo... well, he was genuinely happy in their kitchen here at home. On his own. Making himself a quick bowl of pasta.

...goddammit. 

He sounded kind of pathetic, didn't he? But why? He was introverted anyway, and he'd spent most of his life on his own, or at least only with Maisie. He liked having his privacy and his own space, and just a generally securely sheltered comfort zone. He didn't like people being too close. He didn't like feeling crowded. Or pressured. People always came with expectations. And he usually wasn't able to meet them. And then they'd get disappointed, and then he would have to go through all sorts of grievances or heartbreaks or losses or whatever. Why would he put himself through all of that? Why, if he could instead just enjoy his time alone? Yeah. 

He turned the heat on the pasta a little lower and rushed over to his room to grab his laptop and the flash drive he'd gotten from Ezra. He brought them both into the kitchen, put the flash drive in, and just started a random song. 

Mhm. Yup, that was what so-called 'loneliness' could be like. Having a nice time in your kitchen, making food for yourself, listening to good music and humming along—because you don't know the lyrics yet...

Getting to know new music? That was basically an adventure, no? 

Wow—okay. He had to make a mental note for his next session with Dr. Winton—'survived a day without Maisie and only went half crazy!' Ah-ha! That even rhymed! Life was great today. He had so much fun.

He put the pasta in a little bowl and then added the pesto. Yummy. 

He sat down at the table, nodding along to the song that was currently playing. Something about construction work, apparently. Or at least the guy that was singing was a big fan of sledgehammers, huh. And...a fan of bees?

“Show me 'round your fruit cakes,” he sang along, slightly out of tune as he tasted the first bite of his food. “'Cause I will be your honey bee. Open up your fruit cakes.” It was a nice song. “Where the fruit is as sweet as can be.” All the songs he'd listened to so far had been nice actually... 

Some of the last ones he'd given a try had been slower, and he'd still liked them, but he liked the slightly faster ones like this one even more. It had a fun rhythm and an easy chorus. 

“I want to be—your sledgehammer. Why don't you call my name?” He bobbed his head along, chewing on his pasta. “I've been feeding the rhythm. I've been feeding the rhythm. Gonna feel that power—hey, build in you...”

This was great. He didn't even feel lonely at all. He was having a good time, really. 

He grabbed his phone off the counter and typed in the url to the Archive, still eating his pasta. Why not top this nice time off with a little peek into the comment section of his latest chapter? Maybe that prick had found and read it yet and was ready to admit that Theo was very much capable of writing sexual tension.

Chapter Text

He scrolled through the comments—there were actually loads of them this time, like, probably more than he'd gotten on any of his previous chapters, but he didn't bother reading them all—looking for antinous_apologist. He almost started to worry that he'd written the chapter for nothing, when finally, his eyes caught that wicked username, hidden among the masses.

He literally, physically giggled like a mad scientist as he leaned back in his chair, music in the backround, pasta half-finished, and his eyes flickering over the words.

antinous_apologist:

A chapter on command—how very obedient of you. Clearly, you respond well to a firm hand.

And I’ll give credit where it’s due—this one wasn’t half bad. No “watch me”s (tragic, really), but the repression is still consistent, and I am detecting a little praise kink radiating off your Telemachus. Predictable, but still—well played, sweetheart.

Of course, you’re still mangling your em dashes, though. And while I’d normally drag you for that, I’m starting to wonder if it’s your “tutor” (or whoever helped with the chapter before this one) who deserves the scolding. If that’s how they're explaining punctuation, it’s a miracle you manage full sentences at all.

Still, I didn’t have to claw my eyes out by the end of this one, so—progress?

Keep it up. You're almost bearable when you're trying to impress me.

What a wanker. How dare he accuse him of needing a tutor for those damned em dashes?

Well... he had gotten a bit of advice from Ezra before writing his previous chapter, yeah. But that asshole didn't know that! And he didn't get to just accuse him of that.

Also—'sweetheart'?

'Well played'? 

'Progress'? 

'Keep it up'?

Like, what, was he trying to fight him with patronization and belittling nicknames now? He was not 'obedient'. He was not 'trying to impress him'. He had just posted a well-written chapter that that asshole even admitted wasn't half bad. So... yeah, he could stick his backhanded compliments.

> telemachus33:

They could probably light an entire small town with the power of your ego—I did not write this for you,"sweetheart".

And for your information, I am perfectly capable of using correct spelling and grammar without any extra help. 

P.S. Telemachus does not have a praise kink.

Okay, maybe the 'P.S.' was a little childish. But that guy had started! Why did he always have to make his characters into these weird, repressed, touch-deprived people? He could do that in his own story. Fine. But he didn't need to project that onto Theo's version of Telemachus and Antinous.

It took a few minutes of refreshing, in which he continued enjoying his pasta and that one Springsteen song on Ezra's flash drive that he already knew, but then antinous_apologist already posted a reply.

>> antinous_apologist:

Of course you didn't. ;)

If you really don’t have a tutor (or at least a beta reader—please), I’d strongly suggest finding one. Your style and wordflow are actually solid—you just keep shooting yourself in the foot with the punctuation and microtypography.

And if your Telemachus truly doesn’t have a praise kink… maybe try writing him less like a blushy goodie-two-shoes with the internal monologue of a validation-starved princeling. (Not that I haven’t been thoroughly enjoying it.)

Theo just scoffed at that. 

>>> telemachus33:

You know—you make it pretty obvious you don’t have anything real to criticize in my writing, so you go for fucking em dashes.

Honestly? It’s giving bitter high school English teacher who never hands out A’s because “there’s always room for improvement.” I wouldn’t be shocked if you had an equally bitter, middle-aged white trophy-wife waiting at home after your soul-draining 9-to-5 in some windowless office. It would fit your personality.

And, in case you missed it—Telemachus is literally a PRINCE. Of course he’s confident in his power, his status, etc. That’s not him being starved for validation. That’s him being the crown prince of Ithaca.

He deleted the cursing out of his text. That guy was infuriating, but he didn't want to get unprofessional just because of his lame comments.

He refreshed the page, and quickly enough, Mr. Em Dashes had posted his next reply. 

>>>> antinous_apologist:

Like I said, you do write pretty well. Especially your scenery descriptions—they’re actually almost poetic. It’s really just those damn em dashes, sweetheart.

And as much as I appreciate your little student-teacher fantasy of me grading your work here—you could not be further off. I am but a humble uni student, with no desire for a wife, bitter or otherwise, as I am approximately as gay as your Antinous in this chapter.

Also, I assume “etc.” stands for “his looks, his superiority, his dominance (which, let’s be honest, completely crumbles in the presence of Antinous)”...?

What was that prick trying to do here? Switching up tactics? Complimenting him the first half and then mocking him in the second? Well, whatever his plan was—it did not work. Not on Theo. He was above that shit.

And of course that asshole was gay. Those people always had to make everything about them. Well—newsflash! Not every male character was gay. Not every man had to kiss and touch other men. 'Oh, look at me, I like men and their muscles! And their—and their deep voices! And their broad shoulders, and strong arms or something. And their hair. And the way their eyes are all harsh and focused, but then, when he talks to you it almost feels like they're going softer just from looking at you. Like they actually take on a slightly warmer color and have that little glint in them as if he was trying to send little sprinkles of gold straight to your soul. And it kind of actually works, like, you do feel calmer just from the way he's looking at you...' Yeah. No. Some men were normal and liked women!

Okay.

No.

That was homophobic now. He had to tone it down.

No need to make every gay person into a weirdo just because one of them was a massive twat. Some of them were surely okay. Yes.

>>>>> telemachus33:

I’m not even going to dignify that with a proper thank you. Whatever you think you’re doing—it’s not working.

As for your personal life, I’ll continue imagining you as a bitter middle-aged man in a questionably knitted sweater, yelling at other people over punctuation.

And for the record: Telemachus is absolutely the dominant one in their dynamic. Again—he is a prince.

Refresh. Resfresh. Refresh. 

His pasta was already fully gone at this point. 

But the music was still playing.

>>>>>> antinous_apologist:

Figured you'd be able to recognize praise when you see it, but I guess that skill is reserved for your characters only.

Still, since you get to imagine me as a sexy English teacher, I’ll go ahead and picture you as a poetically tortured twink with flushed cheeks and soft curls—probably the kind that are very easy to tug on.

And as for the whole “prince” thing... well, I think your other readers have already said what needed to be said in the comments.

His hand immediately reached for his hair, brushing through his curls, feeling a soft drop in his stomach. Very easy to tug on? What— what? What kind of description was that?

Also—what the fuck was a 'twink'?

He almost didn't dare to google it. It sounded kind of obscene. But he typed it in anyway.

And then scoffed at the results. 

Oh, for fuck's sake... 

He went back to the comment section, face flushed—in anger—and started checking what his other readers had written. Since apparently that prick thought everyone was on his side. 

thegodsfavegirly:

didn't expect this fic to go there, but aye I'm not disappointed that it did. i love it here <3 kudos to the author

> rory20s:

YASSS and it works so well for their dynamic! 

> tsund_annie120:

I've been waiting for them to kiss, love that they finally did xx

Alright. So far, so good. People liked his chapter. 

heevar0neal:

Anyone else notice the random nickname for tele? LOL

> gaia4718m:

Afrghahsidkeoyl was thinking the same thing!!!

Okay. Yeah, he did use things like 'prince' or 'princeling' for Telemachus sometimes. It made the story and inner monologue flow a little smoother, but sure, not everyone's got to like that of course. Still—so far, so good.

But he kept scrolling, and then... those other comments started appearing. 

suz_anne001:

GUYS WE DID IT. NOW WE HAVE SHARPWOLF FROM ANTINOUS_APOLOGIST'S POV AND SHARPWOLF FROM TELEMACHUS33'S POV. (now we just need to make them collab mwahahahaha...) 

> cen7aurslu7:

i'm gonna be so serious... i did NOT expect this author to create that much of a powershift between anti and tele likeee— tele turning from holier-than-thou to getting all blushy and weak-kneed while anti soft-doms him??? UHH?? YES, PLEASE? 

>> gaia4718m:

Antinous being all whiny and bloody just to then SUCK Telemachus' pride and dignity right out of him lmaooo

>>> suz_anne001:

mind you—all while showering that poor princie with praises!! urghh i love a good enemy-in-the-streets lover-in-the-sheets moment

>>>> gaia4718m:

Tele can NOT kill that man after all that. Like come ON. Girl, he had you shaking and whimpering within SECONDS.

>>> cen7aurslu7:

antinous was sucking like his life depended on it (it did lol) 

Uh.

Alright.

Well, not everyone always understood exactly what an author was trying to portray in his writings. And these people clearly missed the parts were it was stated that Telemachus was the braver and tougher and smarter one of the two of them. 

But—it still got worse... 

>>>> gaia4718m:

Can we also just appreciate how these two authors have created an entire small fandom dedicated to their feud? Like YEAH these chapters are AMAZING but i would literally SELL. MY. SOUL. to know what's going on between these two. 

What was going on between them? Well. Nothing. Plain and simple—nothing. They were anonymous writers. They didn't hang out in private and debate their latest chapters in a coffee shop or something. What were these people thinking...?

>>>>> cen7aurslu7:

they're boyfriends IRL obviously

>>>>>> gaia4718m:

Think they're just staging this all to gain more readership? (if they do I'm not even mad tbh) 

>>>>>> suz_anne001:

LMAO imagineee

...he had stated very clearly in the author's notes, that he was not gay...!

And even if he was—why the fuck would he be dating an incompetent online troll? Jesus Christ...

He scoffed, and scrolled back to his exchange with the prick himself. He considered leaving another reply comment, but honestly? There was no point. He was done eating and the music was starting to get a little overstimulating. It was time to do busy himself with something else.

Chapter Text

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh...

The apartment was too empty. 

It was only seven but it already felt like Theo had been alone for at least a week by now. He'd skipped through every single channel on the tv, he'd opened and closed every single book and graphic novel he owned—hell, he had even filled out one of these crossword things in the little booklet Maisie kept on her bedside table. He had had to cheat five times... And, yes, he had spent like the last two hours in her room. So what? It...felt like her. The air was different than the one in his own room.

But now he was sitting cross-legged on her fuzzy carpet, playing with the little sculptures she had created for an art class of hers. One was Odysseus, the other Penelope. Although, Penelope looked suspiciously similar to Maisie...not that he'd every accuse her of using herself as a reference for the legendary queen of Ithaca. Never. And, funnily enough, Odysseus also looked a little like Hector. Just a bit shorter and a little less rugged. But the facial structure was almost the same.

He felt like a child, sitting there, playing with dolls. And he almost felt tempted to 'make them kiss' like a little girl playing wedding with her barbies. He didn't do it, though. He hadn't reached that level of insanity yet.

“What do I do...what do I do...”, he sighed to himself, putting the sculptures away. If Maisie found out he'd touched them, she'd probably use curse words on him that not even the devil himself would dare to repeat. So...best to make sure his little play-time would stay unnoticed. He put them back to their previous place.

But, really—what could he do now?

He was not in the mood to start with his book. Not today, no. And he was not in the mood to go back to the Archive. Not when he would have to deal with that idiot again.

Speaking of idiot, though...

...Ezra had offered to give him some company after all. 

And he wouldn't, like, fully invite him over. No, no. He wouldn't give him the satisfaction. But he could text him.

Just to check in. 

Just to not be completely lost in this apartment.

He left Maisie's room and went to the kitchen, grabbing a bag of chips. Then he made himself comfortable in his bed—yeah, yeah, eating chips in bed was bad, yeah—and opened his chat with Ez on his phone.

The last message he'd sent was the one where he said he'd block him. Maybe he should've done that. He was glad that he hadn't. 

“Hey, are you still up?”

Easy. Chatting. Smalltalk. Friendship.

Why'd he ever even doubted himself when it came to stuff like that?

He opened the pack of chips and grabbed one. 

Ezra's reply came within just a few seconds.

“it's 7:15pm. who do u think i am??”

Theo grinned at that. Fair.

“Some people go to bed at an even earlier time.”

Ezra took a while for his response to that. 

“yeah, like that friend of yours”

Theo tilted his head. A friend of his? Did he mean—

“Anya?”

“yuh”

Okay. Well. Yeah. Anya did have a pretty strict bedtime schedule as far as he was concerned. Especially after Maisie had kicked her out during his birthday, but... she wasn't necessarily what came to his mind when talking about whether or not Ezra was still awake. But alright. Maybe Anya was just a more present topic in Ezra's mind. Maybe he was thinking more often about her than Theo did. Which was fine. Just a little unexpected. Well, no, not unexpected. Just... well, frankly, a little weird. That was all.

“so did u change ur mind then??”

Theo's mind snapped back to their chat. Changed his mind?

“About what?”

“lol about me coming over to give u some company”

Oh. Right.

“Oh. Yeah, no, I'm still good. Just thought I could check in. See what you're up to.”

He stuffed a bunch of chips into his mouth, chewed and swallowed them stressedly.

“mhm... not doing much. y? u bored?”

“No.”

Maybe. 

“hah. yeah u totally r.”

“No.”

“OK what r YOU up to then? still losing ur mind over maisie's absence?”

Theo rolled his eyes at that. He wasn't 'losing his mind'. 

“No. I'm super relaxed. Just chilling.”

He could practically feel Ezra softly chuckling at that. 

He grabbed more chips, not bothered by whether or not he left a few little crumbs on the mattress.

“suuure, theo... has she texted back yet??” 

Theo nodded, even though he knew Ezra couldn't see it. And then he went to his gallery to pick out the picture Maisie had sent him for their little cookie-baking-day to send it to Ezra. His sister hopefully didn't mind him sharing it with him, but Maisie was usually very chill about stuff like that.

But as he found that picture, he was also surprised by the few pictures he and Ezra had taken at the party. Fuck, he still hadn't deleted them yet. And, fuck, here came that annoying flutter in his chest again.

He instinctively scanned them, and—shit. Why did that one picture— Why did that look far too similar to the one Maisie and Hector had taken? The arm wrapped loosely around Maisie, or in their case around Theo. The smiling into the camera. The... the kiss on the cheek...

No.

No, he wouldn't keep looking at them. That similarity was horrifying, quite frankly. Maybe it was the lighting. Oh, who was he kidding? It was the alcohol, obviously. Being drunk made you look like that sometimes. Stupidly giddy and way too close to one another. It was just a similar effect to what being in love looked like. On pictures. Not in real life. In real life, there had been a lot more space between him and Ezra. And a lot less kissing. Well, except for that one moment, but that didn't count. Again—the alcohol. It was the alcohol. Yes. 

He swiftly clicked on the picture with Maisie and Hector and sent it to Ezra.

“I think she's having a good time.”

The three bubbles danced on his screen for a moment, then, finally, Ezra's response popped up. 

“awwwwwwwwwwww look at that grin, they r so in love!” 

He smiled awkwardly at that, and reached for more chips. Mostly to just buy his own mind a bit of time to calm down. 

Yes. 

Maisie and Hector really did seem very much in love. 

“Yeah!”

He didn't know what else he could reply to that.

But then he remembered his earlier chat—argument, it had been an argument—with antinous_apologist. And since he was already texting with Ezra, why shouldn't he use the opportunity to freshen up his knowledge on those stupid em dashes?

“So, actually, I was wondering if you could help me out with the whole em dash and hyphen struggle again. Remember? That thing I struggled with in the paper for Mr. Brooks.”

He sent it, then quickly added another message. 

“Only if you want to and have time, though, of course.”

Ezra texted back immediately.

“sure :))”

And Theo sighed in relief. Okay. Okay. Yes. He was not a useless, brainless idiot. 

He started typing out what exactly he didn't understand—but got promptly interrupted. By a phone call.

He looked at his phone, thumbs frozen over the screen. The little 'Ez' with that cursed kiss face emoji staring back at him, daring him to pick up.

No! Why did he call? It was just em dashes. They could solve the issue over text. No need to actually talk, exchange... verbal... voices...

Urghhh, no!

He debated with himself, groaning at the consistent little humming of the phone in his hands. Fuck. Al-right! Fine!

And he picked up. 

Chapter Text

“Hey,” he hesitantly muttered into the phone.

“Hi.” Oh god, Ezra's voice was way too much.

And since when did he sound like that? All dreamy and gravely, like he was ready to doze off any second now—even though they had just talked about how early in the evening it still was.

They let the moment stretch on, neither of them saying anything else at first. It was just the quiet of Theo's empty room, and the subtle buzz in his chest at heaving Ezra's voice right there by his ear. 

They had literally video called earlier that day. And yet this still felt much more intense. Like... he couldn't even see him. He couldn't make out what he was thinking based on his facial expressions or something. It was just...his voice. Low and raspy... 

Eventually, it was Ezra who spoke first. 

“So, em dashes, huh?” 

Theo let himself flop back against his pillows, shoving the pack of chips aside. He could not keep eating. Not like this. No way. 

“Yeah, apparently I still suck at those,” he muttered, running a frustrated hand over his face to try and wipe the blush off that had started to creep up his neck.

Ezra laughed on the other end, and god, that really did not help at all.

“Says who? Your little online rival?”

'Online rival'—that put it nicely. Antinous_apologist was the absolute devil himself. A spawn of hell. A monster become human. An abomination to mankind. 

Okay, no, maybe 'online rival' was quite fitting...

“I hate that guy so much,” he sighed half to himself, half to Ezra.

“Yeah, I can imagine.” Ezra exhaled, the sound giving away the grin he was totally wearing right now. “And yet you still followed his critique?”

Theo almost gasped. 

“What? No.” It wasn't like that. He hadn't asked for a little help from Ezra just because some idiot told him his em dash usage sucked. “Texting you was an independent decision. That had nothing to do with that prick.”

Ezra gave a low chuckle, apparently greatly amused by his defensiveness. But what else was he supposed to do? Let Ezra believe he was some pathetic lap dog, getting self-conscious the second someone criticized him? Hell no.

“Listen, I'm not judging you. I mean, it's always a fine line between wanting to be better than your rival and wanting to impress them. And he probably feels the exact same way about you. He's just better at hiding it.”

Theo clicked his tongue in disapproval.

“Hey, you're supposed to be on my side here,” he reminded him.

And Ezra kept chuckling, making Theo's chest feel tight and warm. 

“That's not so easy...”

“Why not?” 

“Because,” Ezra murmured, a teasing edge to his voice. “It's just too much fun to bully you.”

Okay. Damn. Theo's heart should not have shown as much of a reaction to that as it did. Because that was— well, that was basically just Ezra mocking him. Which was not fun. And not a reason to get flustered. 

“Shut up,” he lamely shot back. 

Then it went quieter again, Theo trying to control the raging speed of his heart, and Ezra having the time of his life, probably very aware of how awkward and weird he made him feel. 

“What?”, Theo barked grumpily into his phone. 

“I didn't say anything,” Ezra retorted.

“Yeah, you did. I can hear you grinning.” And it was annoying.

Ezra just hummed in response—a giddy, barely contained sound. As if he was struggling to not break out into a wave of giggles.

“What?”, Theo asked again, getting impatient now. What was so funny? 

“Nothing, just... imagining what you look like when you're arguing with that guy,” he finally answered.

Theo scoffed, rolling his eyes. 

“Well, apparently I look like a 'poetically tortured little boy with curly hair',” he grumbled.

“That's what he called you? A poetically tortured little boy with curly hair?”

Theo hesitated.

“...more or less.”

Details weren't relevant here. 

Ezra exhaled through his nose, another grin covered as a breath. 

“I mean... is he wrong, though?”

Theo really gasped at that now. 

“Yes? What do you mean? Of course he's wrong!” He was not a little boy. Or not a twink, more specifically. And he wasn't poetically tortured, or had flushed cheeks, or curls that were 'very easy to tug on'.

Ezra hummed in amusement. 

“What are you wearing right now?”

Thea sat up more straight to check his own outfit. 

“Just a shirt and pyjama pants,” he answered.

There was a little pause. Then:

“Let me see.”

And Theo's breath hitched. 

He took the phone off his ear and stared at Ezra for a moment. Well, not at Ezra—just at his name on the screen.

'Let me see'?

He chewed on his lip, nervously, opened their chat, and clicked on the little camera button.

Okay.

Now he was looking at himself on his phone, while having Ezra on the line.

He looked... presentable.

'Let me see'.

The words hung still in the air, as he shifted awkwardly on the bed, trying to get an angle that would hopefully make him look less awkward than he felt. God, this was awful.

He snapped a picture, looked at it, cringed at his own image, hesitated for an agonizingly long moment, and then just pressed 'send'.

Then he hectically put the phone back to his ear, just in time to hear Ezra whistle.

“Yeah, no... You're definitely not beating the pretty boy allegations, sorry,” he sighed dramatically.

And Theo's heart jumped.

“I'm not a 'boy'.” His voice was hoarser now, almost sheepish.

“No, you're right,” Ezra agreed, low and soft. “That is a pretty man right there.”

Theo nuzzled his face into his pillow, trying—and failing—to shield it from the increasing heat in his cheeks.

“You're dumb,” he said, his words muffled against the pillow.

Ezra chuckled—far to excitedly.

“Yeah? That's why you asked me to help you with your em dashes?”, he teased.

Theo buried his face even deeper into the pillow, eyes closed, biting his lip bloody.

“...what are you wearing?”

The words slipped from his mouth before he could stop them.

Ezra shifted a little on his chair, or bed, or wherever he was currently sitting. 

“Wanna see?”

Theo nodded hesitantly against his pillow, hoping he could somehow hear it.

And apparently he could. Theo's phone buzzed with a new message, and he moved it again to open the picture Ez had sent him.

Oh, dear god... 

“You're still wearing my shirt?”

“Obviously. It's comfortable. A little tight maybe, but comfortable.” Ezra replied. “And it smells like you.”

Theo almost giggled at that, but luckily managed to make his laugh sound just a little more composed and manly.

“It smells like me?”, he snorted.

“Mhm. Like lavender and old books,” Ezra explained.

Theo shifted on his bed again, his legs tangled with the blanket in a way that he would rather not acknowledge. 

“You're so weird,” he sighed faux-disapprovingly. 

“You're so cute,” Ezra sighed back in the same tone.

Jesus, this wasn't funny anymore. 

He turned over in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, palming a hand flat on his stomach to calm the heated storm in there, forcing his legs to stop squirming. 

“So... em dashes,” he simply said, roughly clearing his throat. 

Ezra laughed again on the other end.

“Yeah, em dashes,” he agreed.

There was a little pause, both of them settling into the topic, into the focus on grammar and punctuation and writing and all that stuff... 

“How do you use them correctly?”, Theo mumbled then.

Ezra made a quiet, thinking noise.

“When you want to symbolize a break in your writing,” he explained. “Like, for example, if you want your character to hesitate before continuing a sentence.”

Alright. That didn't really help much. 

“For instance...?”

“For instance,” Ezra quietly echoed, thinking of an example. “Someone might say 'Ezra's abs are super hot'. And then they hesitate, rethink their statement, and add 'but his arms are nicer'.”

Theo snorted on his end of the call, grinning stupidly up at the ceiling. 

“Don't know why someone would say that, but sure... So, it'd be 'Ezra's abs are super hot—em dash—but his arms are nicer'?” His palm prickled, still lying above his stomach as he said it. 

Ezra gave an approving hum. 

“Sounds about right, yeah.”

“But that's not exactly something a character of the Odyssey would think or say,” Theo argued.

“Hey, you don't know how these men feel about my abs and arms,” Ezra shot back, grinning probably just as much. “But fine, alright. How about... two soldiers fighting. You could write something like 'He swung his sword at his opponent's perfect torso.'” Theo chuckled at that. “And then add a quick dramatic pause before writing 'slashing his side right open.'”

“Wonder who the opponent with the 'perfect torso' is...”, Theo laughed.

“Could be anybody, really,” Ezra retorted in fake-innocence. “Focus on the important stuff. Do you get how to use the em dash there?”

“'He swung his sword at his opponent's perfect torso—em dash—slashing his side right open'?”

“Mhm, see? It's really easy. You just have to know where to put pauses for the reader.”

Alright, yeah, that was doable actually. 

He thought about how he could maybe use those em dashes properly for future chapters now, while Ezra kept throwing out examples.

“You could also use it for interruptions during a dialogue,” he explained. “Like, one character might say something like 'Wow, I love your' and then you put an em dash there and let them get interrupted by a different character's speech. Noone would ever know what they loved about the other character. Their chest? Their biceps? Their—”

“I think I got it, yeah,” Theo nervously chuckled, his face growing more and more red.

But Ezra just kept going, his voice steadily low and soft.

“Or you could write something like 'I have the biggest crush on this guy, but he's just too much of an idiot to see it', put an em dash there to add a moment of heartbreak, and then add 'or maybe he just doesn't like me'.”

Theo rolled his eyes with a smile. 

“Yes, I got it—em dashes symbolize pauses,” he chuckled. “You can stop flirting with yourself now.”

And Ezra went quiet on the other end. 

“Okay,” he mumbled. “Good.” Then he let out a stretched sigh, shifting on his bed or chair again. “I'm sure your little rival is going to be very impressed with you.”

Theo scoffed half-heartedly into the phone.

“Still not trying to impress him!”, he noted. Then smaller: “...but thanks.”

Ezra audibly smiled. 

“Anytime.”

Their call went quiet again, and they both just sat with that for a good minute, until Ezra was the first to speak again. 

“Anything else I can help you with, bro?”

Theo slightly shook his head.

“I think that was it.”

“Okay, then... Saturday, yes?” 

“Yes.” 

“I'll pick you up.”

“I guess so. Yeah.”

“It's gonna be fun.”

“Hopefully. I'd rather not die on that bike.”

Ezra chuckled.

It felt like they were both trying to avoid hanging up. 

“I'll drive super safely, I promise.”

“Okay. I trust you on that.”

“You'll just have to hold on very tightly.”

Theo snorted, turning onto his side. 

“Alright. I'll hang up now.”

“Okay. Bye, Theo.”

“Bye, Ezra.”

“Love you.”

“Love y— ngk! Stop that.”

He listened to Ezra's childish giggle, letting the moment stretch for a few more seconds, before finally forcing himself to end the call. 

And then he was alone again.

Chapter Text

“You know that she's not coming back, right?”

Theo sat on the floor before the front door, staring up at the black wood. He'd been standing at first. But his legs had grown tired, so he had needed to sit down.

This wasn't the first time he'd him asked that. It felt more like the tenth time maybe. He'd been circling around him for at least an hour. Not even touching, or punching, or yelling. Just an occasional laugh and comment. And the continuous mention of how ridiculous it was that he was still sitting there instead of worrying about his own stuff. 

“You look like a toddler waiting for its mother,” he scoffed, leaning down to him to snap his fingers harshly against the back of his head. Theo barely felt the sting. “She's not coming back, Theodore.”

“And mum?” His voice was small and trembling. More than usual, as if he was scared the words might come out wrong and cause a storm around him.

He never brought her up. Not ever. But... was she really gone? And was Maisie gone now too? Forever? Would she really not come back for him?

“Do you see her here?”, he hissed, pulling his lips up into an unamused, horrifying grin. “They're gone. That's what women do. They leave when shit gets tough, because they can't handle real life. They live in their picture perfect fantasy and then ditch you the second someone tells them what the real world fucking looks like. They're probably out, whoring around with some low-budget dogs.” He shoved Theo roughly enough to make him fall forward against the door, hitting his forehead against the wood. “Get on your feet and stop whining about her. If you want a whore to play dolls with, you can go out and find a new one. And maybe one with half a brain, unlike your sister.”

Theo just stayed there, leaned against the door now, feeling the warmth of blood running down his face, staining his tears in a way that made them taste both salty and irony.

He didn't want a new sister. He wanted Maisie. He wanted her to keep her promise and come back for him. He wanted her to come home. 

“And wipe that shit off your face. You look like you're crying,” he heard him scoff. “You think anyone will like you when you look like that? You think any of these whores will like you?” He bent back down and Theo flinched as he got closer. But he didn't hit him again. He just hovered above him, murmuring so quietly and yet so clearly that he could feel his voice throughout his entire bloodstream. “Is that what you want? You wanna be a faggot? A crying, little toddler faggot?”

Theo shook his head. He didn't even know what that meant, but he knew that the answer he wanted was a no. 

“Then get up and clean your fucking face. You look ridiculous.”

Theo watched him walk away, disappearing into the black fog before him. 

Maisie, he thought, twitching in his bed, eyes flying wide open.

His clothes felt sticky on his skin, drenched in sweat, his hair completely disheveled. He didn't care. She would come back.

He rolled off his mattress, hitting his foot clumsily against something he couldn't make out in the dark, and started stumbling through his room. How late was it? He rummaged for his phone—four thirty. She would come back. 

He found the light switch in the hallway and turned it on, hissing as the brightness hit his eyes. Everything felt empty. He looked at the front door—closed and locked. He looked into Maisie's room—dark and haunted. But her stuff was still here. And the air still smelt like her. She would come back. 

He put a hand to his chest, feeling the racing beat of his heart. She would come back. 

She would come back. 

She always did. She'd always come back to him. Even back then. No matter what anyone had said. No matter what he had said—she had come back. 

He sat down on the little shoe cabinet near the door, and just waited for his heart to calm down. It had just been a dream. Just a nightmare. 

He remembered how she had come back that time. Three days later, in the middle of the night. Practically knocking down his window. How old had she been back then? Sixteen? Seventeen? She'd worn her hair differently than she did now, he remembered that. Because when he first glanced outside, sleep-drunk and afraid, he'd thought she was some monster. She'd looked like a real witch.

“Where's your backpack for school?”, she'd whispered, once he had opened the window for her. And she'd helped him grab his things, gather all essentials, leave behind the stuff that didn't fit into his backpack. He remembered the little toy car collection he'd gotten from her, just a few months before. He had had to leave it in his room and had never gotten to see it again since then. He remembered saying goodbye to the people in the paintings on his walls. He remembered how she'd told him to stay quiet. To just follow her. To just stay close. He remembered how his feet had ached, more than during that time when he had waited for her by their old front door.

He remembered her showing him the keys. He remembered her smile. It had been the first real smile he'd seen on her face in years. And he remembered how he'd stepped into the apartment for the first time.

The little bed.

He remembered the little bed she had prepared for him.

Just a mattress basically, but with blankets and pillows. And in the center of it—a little box with a brand new toy car collection.

In a few weeks, she would buy them both real beds. And then wardrobes, and chairs, and a cute little table for the kitchen. In a year, the apartment would look almost like it did today.

But on that night, the mattress was enough. More than enough.

Theo dozed off on the shoe cabinet, his head leaned back against the wall, his heart beating a little calmer now. She had come back. And she would come back again this time. 

Chapter Text

“Did you touch my sculptures?”, she asked, narrowing her eyes.

Friday had been all about Maisie sitting in Theo's bed, telling him every single detail about her day with Hector and Coffee. They had ordered Thai food and watched some sitcom she'd been watching lately but had to pause it every few seconds when Maisie bursted out with yet another “Oh, and also—!”.

According to her, Hector had even offered to sleep on the couch so she could've had the bed to herself—which she had declined, but it had still been a noteworthy moment in her opinion. Theo agreed. And Hector had cooked for her, or at least tried to cook for her, because the restaurant they wanted to go to didn't have any free tables. Maisie said it tasted horrible but it didn't matter, because all her focus had been on him and the way he had looked at her and listened to her and had even stopped her at one point just to compliment her eyes.

The only thing that Theo didn't quite buy, was that Hector had apparently told her that she 'sang like an angel' while they were playing SingStar on his old playstation... But maybe that was what love did to a man. It made them stupid...and slightly deaf.

Either way, their day spent together after Maisie's date night had really done a great job at calming Theo's panicking mind down. He had slept like a baby after that. 

But now—it was Saturday. 

The relief and joy of their reunion had settled down and the atmosphere in the apartment turned back to their usual brother-sister-dynamic. 

“Don't know what you mean, which sculptures?”, he played dumb, looking up from where he'd been scrolling through his phone, crouching on the sofa. He'd already checked his chat with Ezra few times now. And the one with Jules, too. Hoping that either one of them would maybe send him the good news of the party tonight being canceled. 

“My Penelope and Odysseus sculptures. On my desk. You touched them.” Her tone was stern. He didn't even need to come up with a lie, she already knew he'd played with them. 

“Ohh,” he fake-realized. “You mean the little voodoo-dolls of you and your boyfriend? ...yeah, I might have taken a look at them. I was bored.”

“Voodoo-dolls?”, Maisie gasped. “I got an A on those! And it's not my fault I have the grace and beauty of an Ithacan queen.”

Theo snickered at that. 

“I was extra careful, I promise,” he assured her, half-grinning. 

Maisie threw him a lethal glare. 

“I hope you know that I wouldn't have hesitated to cut off both your hands in your sleep if you'd even slightly damaged them.”

“Yes, I am well aware,” he nodded. 

“And I hope you also know that you're not allowed to ever touch or even just look at them again. They're really fragile, Theo. They're not toys.”

“I know,” he nodded again, a little more apologetic now. 

“Good,” she said, crossing her arms before her chest. She was standing in the doorframe of to their living room, hesitating for a second before she continued. “Also... I hope you're excited for Ben Stiller.” Her tone was easier now. “Because Hector's coming over tonight and we thought we could maybe all have a fun little night at the museum movie night together. He's never watched them, can you believe that? And I bought popcorn and nachos, too.”

He raised his eyebrows in slight surprise. 

“Does that mean Hector's staying overnight?”

That was...good. Surprisingly good. Like, Maisie managing to sleep at a guy's place was already a great thing for her—but him spending the night here? In her home? In her sanctuary?

She really had to like and trust him... 

Maisie shrugged her shoulders, playing it cool, but Theo could see the little sparkle in her eyes. 

“Figured it only made sense. He's my boyfriend after all. And since I got to drool on his sheets, he should get to drool on mine too, no?”, she laughed, clearly trying to hide her own nervousness at that next big step with humor. 

And Theo let her. 

“Yeah, sounds fair,” he smiled. 

She uncrossed her arms and stepped fully inside the living room now, taking a seat on the couch, next to him. 

“So, you're down to spend the evening with us then?”, she asked. “Because I think he really likes you.”

Theo chuckled quietly at that. 

“No, I think he really likes you. He just knows I'm the scary brother he has to win over in order to get the right to court you.”

“That's not true,” Maisie laughed, lightly nudging his shoulder. “He does like you. He doesn't just view you as my little brother that he has to inevitably deal with. It was even his idea to have that movie night.” 

He wasn't so sure about that, but alright. 

“Well... I'd love to,” he said, because really—he would've love to. “but I kind of already have watched exactly those movie with Ezra recently.” He gave a crooked, weak expression as he watched her smile slightly falter. “And I technically also already have plans tonight with Ezra.” Wow, alright. Now it just sounded like he was prioritizing Ezra over his own sister. 

Maisie visibly turned the thoughts over in her head. And Theo could feel the rush of disappointment—though he wasn't sure if it was her disappointment, or his own disappointment at himself.

So he quickly backpaddled. 

“—but I can still cancel those plans. I mean, they're not really set in stone yet anyway,” he smiled, trying to lift the mood back up.

“Theo,” she said, shaking her head slightly, a soft grin tugging on her lips. But he just kept going. 

“And, like, you know I love the night at the museum movies. I could probably watch them everyday. So... you know, why not? Yeah, I'll—” 

“Theo, it's alright,” she cut him off, quirking a slightly amused eyebrow. “We can just have our movie night on a different day.” He blinked at her. “And hey, maybe Ezra could join, too?” He blinked at her again.

“No, I— listen, I'm not putting some friend of mine above you. That's not— I wouldn't do that. You know I wouldn't. There's just this party we wanted to go to...” 

“He invited you to another party?” Her smile grew wider at that. 

“...well, technically I invited him,” he muttered, the words tasting bitter on his tongue. “But like I said, I can still totally cancel those plans. Really. Like, I honestly didn't even want to go anyway.”

“Nonsense. It'll be fun! It was fun the last time, no?” Uhh... “And I meant what I said—Ezra can totally join our movie night. Our couch is big enough.” It really wasn't. “We could have it tomorrow instead!” Her eyes screamed evil scientist now as she conjured up a perfect, wicked plan in her mind. “I could pick you both up tomorrow, and we could order Chinese! Or Thai again?” 

“Pick us up tomorrow?”, Theo startled. “Do you expect me to stay at that party until sunrise?”

She laughed out loud. 

“Pick you up from Ezra's, idiot.”

“What? Why?”

He was completely nonplussed.

“Well, movie night or not, I'll be busy spending my evening with Hector tonight, so, I can drop you off, sure, but no chance I'll pick you up again. Sorry,” she grinned. 

What? Was she thinking he would just sleep at EZRA'S AFTER THE PARTY?

“You won't have to! I—”, he started in a far too hectic way. He cleared his throat, mentally scolding himself to calm down, and then tried again, cooler this time. “I'll be fine. Ezra's riding me later.”

And now Maisie was the one that looked a little taken aback. But just for a second. Then her grin came back.

“You mean...Ezra's gonna give you a lift to the party and back?”, she asked, turning her head slightly to glance at him through the corner of her eyes. 

Theo nodded. 

“Yeah, he'll pick me up on his bike. It'll probably be a nightmare. But I'll be back before the end of the night. So, no—won't have to stay at his place.”

What a fever dream that would've been... Sleeping at Ezra's. At Ezra's!

He speed-watched a scene in his head of him stepping into Ezra's bedroom, finding his own shirt there...

No. Absolutely not. He would not survive that. 

Maisie nodded with a little chuckle. 

“Alright then,” she smirked. ”Fine by me, I guess. If you're really cool with, uh, Ezra riding you later... Will he be staying at our's then?” 

Theo made a face at that. 

“No. Why would he do that?” 

“Would make it easier. Because of our movie night tomorrow.”, she explained with half a shrug. 

Uhm—no?

“I thought that movie night was meant to serve as bonding time between the three of us!”, he argued, sounding almost pouty now.

“It is, but the more the better,” Maisie retorted. “You'll get to know Hector a little better, I'll get to know Ezra a little better...”

“Yeah, but Hector is Hector. He's your boyfriend.”

“And Ezra is Ezra.”, she sang. 

Theo groaned, running a frustrated hand over his face. Jesus Christ, what was this discussion? Why was she so obsessed with including Ezra into their perfectly pleasant three-people-movie-night?

“That's it. I'm going to my room,” he announced, rising from the couch to escape that hell of a conversation.

“Okay, but make sure to wear protection when Ezra's riding you later, alright?”, Maisie called after him, in her faux-strict-older-sister voice.

And Theo rolled his eyes at that.

“Yeah, yeah,” he dismissively waved. “I'm not stupid. I wouldn't get onto that murder machine without a helmet.”

Chapter Text

The doorbell rang and everything inside Theo froze. 

Maisie turned her face toward him, beaming like a lighthouse.

“Your ride's here!”

Yeah. He knew. He'd been anxiously waiting for him for the last forty to fifty minutes. He'd been sitting here, watching Maisie and her boyfriend—who'd arrived just an hour ago—whisper and giggle with each other, and answered the occasional question about who else was coming to the party, or where exactly it would be, and what kind of alcohol people his aged were drinking. 'People his age'—as if Hector and Maisie were some old-aged married couple.

Neither Ezra nor Jules had texted him to say that the plan was canceled. So, yeah. Now here he was. Rising from his seat in the same shuddering speed as his shallow breath, a quiet ringing in his ear from the increasing anxiety.

What if he just told Ezra that he'd changed his mind? What if he just sent him away? He could just have that movie night with his sister and Hector right now after all.

He walked to the door. Put his hand on the handle. Felt Maisie and Hector standing a few feet behind him—nosy little children. Pressed the handle down. Opened the door.

Oh fuck. God help him. 

“Hi.” Ezra was standing right there—obviously. Leather jacket on, hair slightly messy, eyes darkened with kajal, making them look just as dangerous as they had during their last party together, and he was carrying two helmets under his arms, one of which he gently shoved into Theo's hands now.

Theo opened his mouth, but didn't even get to saying hi back, before Maisie was already shouting across his shoulder.

“Hi Ezra!” She was way too excited.

Ezra didn't even flinch. He just looked over at her and her boyfriend and gave them a grinning little wave. 

“Hi Maisie! Hi Hector! How's it going? Good to see ya,” he sang, and bada-bing bada-boom—a second later Maisie and Hector were joining them right there at the door. This woman was never going to fulfill her cool-older-sister promise...

“Lovely seeing you again, too! Theo told us you were going to another house party,” she smiled.

Ezra glanced at Theo, than back at her. 

“Uh, yeah. It's gonna be fun. Beverly's place has like a real dance floor and a pool table and everything.” He straightened his posture a little, rethinking his statement. “But no worries, I'll take good care of him and I'll bring him back at a reasonable time.”

Theo rolled his eyes. Really? Was he heading to a party or to a playground with his babysitter?

“That does sound pretty fun,” Hector answered for his girlfriend, who was too busy shaking with excitement. 

Ezra grinned a little wider. 

“Yeah, you two should totally come if you want.”

What?

Maisie almost exploded from the excited squeal she had to hold in.

“What?,” Theo huffed out loud. 

But—no chance. These two lovebirds were far too quick to jump onto that invitation. 

“Really?”, Maisie gasped, voice as highpitched as a mouse. 

“We wouldn't want to cause any trouble,” Hector added, faking a sense of humility. 

Yeah, these two definitely matched each other in their audacity. 

Ezra just laughed. 

“No trouble.” Yes trouble! “I'm afraid I can't fit four people onto my bike, but if you have any other way to get there, yeah, you should totally join us.”

“Aren't you a bit old,” Theo argued grumpily. They really weren't.

But he did not want his sister and her boyfriend at that damn party! 

“Oh, shush, I'm still a uni student myself. Noone's going to look at us weird,” Maisie brushed his words away. 

Then she and Hector went already on their way to grab their jackets and stuff—because apparently Maisie did suddenly see it as an option to drive to that party and then back home later tonight after all—so the only person left to glare at was Ezra. And he took it like the smug little bastard he was. 

“You're a dick,” Theo quietly shot at him. 

Ezra shrugged. 

“Just trying to win some sympathy points.”

Sympathy points? 

“Not from me I hope. Because you'd be doing a horrible job,” he hissed, fidgeting with the helmet in his hands. 

“Oh, come now. You know you love me,” Ezra grinned, hooking an arm around Theo's shoulders to guide him outside. Theo's heart jumped at the gesture. “And don't worry,” Ezra added, his voice dropping to a murmur now. “We don't have to spend the entire night with them... Beverly's house is big enough to hide away again if need be.”

Theo's entire face seemed to catch fire.

If need be? IF NEED BE? 

There would be no need! Especially not with his sister there!

No!

He tried to laugh it off—it didn't quite work. So he decided that silence was probably the best response...

Ezra's bike was huge. More huge than he'd expected. And also, like... not as safe-looking as he'd hoped. It was black and shiny and definitely built to murder anyone who was not worthy of its service. So when Ezra swung his leg over and settled in as the driver, Theo just kind of stood there, unsure of what to do. How did one even approach that thing?

“Don't be scared,” Ezra said, less teasing now.

“I'm not,” Theo replied, not really convincing in his slightly shaky tone.

He looked over his shoulder, up to the window of his apartment—his warm and safe apartment—where Maisie and Hector were probably already deciding on whether to take the car or a taxi, and sighed.

He stepped toward the bike, scanning it skeptically. 

Oh, he so did not want to do this... 

But he tried to get on anyway, lifting his leg over the seat like he'd seen Ezra do it—though, he had done it with a lot more grace.

“Here,” Ezra said, giving him a gentle pull to help him up. Theo almost would've stumbled and fallen right off again, but he managed to catch himself, both legs bracing Ezra's, his hands reflexively grabbing his sides just to have something to hold onto. “You okay?”, Ezra asked, gently not mockingly, turning his head to glance at him over his shoulder.

There was no space between them. Not a single inch. Theo's chest was pressed directly against Ezra's back, feeling the warmth radiating off his body. And even though they wore helmets, he could still smell that distinct honey-scent. Or maybe he was just starting to hallucinate from holding his breath so much at all this proximity.

“Yeah,” he mumbled like a frightened lamb, unwilling to move even just the slightest bit.

Ezra gave an understanding nod. 

“You'll need to hold onto me tighter,” he noted, his tone so soft that Theo almost worried he might've actually mistook him for a terrified prey animal that he needed to soothe with his voice.

He hesitated, but did as he was told, and wrapped his arms fully around Ezra's waist, clinging onto him as if he was the only chance of survival, because, truly—maybe he was.

Ezra started the motor and—HOLY fucking shit, no no no! Theo pressed himself even more against Ezra's back, not really caring about how ridiculous he probably looked right not, and ducked his head against him, sending a line of silent prayers up to heaven. He did not want to die tonight. Not like this. Not in front of Ezra. Not by falling off his bike like some lame, fragile kid.

The vibration of the motor ran right through his spine, making him shiver like a goddamn leaf. Every turn, every stop at a red light, every little bump on the road—it felt like a near-death-experience. Theo was pretty sure that he'd started sobbing underneath his helmet, but he couldn't even tell, because the sound of the wind dashing against him made it impossible to hear literally anything. Except for Ezra's voice. Which was hitting him like the softest stab in the chest every time that man was about to accelerate. “One more curve.” “There you go.” “Almost there.” “I've got you.” “You're doing great.”—it was helpful and horrible at the same time, because, yeah, there really was no space between them right now and hearing those reaffirming words from Ezra over and over again, really didn't do much of a great job at slowing Theo's heartbeat down. But it was nice to hear that at least one of them believed in their survival.

When they finally did arrive at the location, Theo's entire body was trembling, knees weak like jelly, arms not letting go of Ezra even when he'd parked his bike and turned off the motor. 

He felt him shifting before him a little, then Ezra's hand was reaching back and gently patted his thigh. 

“You did it,” he said, looking over his shoulder again. “Good job.” Then he clicked open his helmet and took it off. Hoo, it was ungodly how hot people seemed to look after a ride like that. Cheeks flushed, hair messy, lazy smile. Yeah... Theo did probably not look like that, though.

“Want me to help you off the bike?”, Ezra offered.

Theo nodded slowly, afraid that his voice would crack if he'd tried to speak, and then hesitated for a moment before reluctantly unwrapping his arms from his waist.

Ezra step off the bike first, and Theo expected him to then hold out his hand for him to grab—but instead he couldn't even blink properly before Ezra had his hands curled around his sides, lifting him off the bike in one, easy go.

Woah.

Alright.

Theo almost buckled when Ezra let go off him again, so wobbly were his legs.

“...thanks.”

“No problem,” Ezra proudly grinned, acting as if he'd just performed some clever magic trick. “Always happy to help you get off.” And he added a wink that Theo didn't catch, because he was still too deeply in the trembling state of processing that torturous experience of a bike ride. And the worst part was—he'd have to go through it again at the end of tonight.

Chapter Text

Beverly's house really was different than Jackson's. Just as big, but not as messy. And not as crowdy. There were a lot more women. A lot more alternative people. A lot more cocktails and funny shots and drinks, and less beer. Less men shouting from table tops, less corners filled with people throwing up. And there weren't as many flickering lights. Only the dance floor was shining brightly. Everything else was either lit by a few strings of fairy lights or just regular, dimmed bulbs. Even the music was different. Theo knew the song that was currently blasting from the speakers. Before he cheats by Carrie Underwood—one of Maisie's favorite songs. He almost felt bad that she wasn't here yet to hear it. But, then again, he was more than glad that he at least still got a chance to disappear into the masses to try and maybe hide from her once she'd get here...

Ezra had been basically just tagging along like a scary guard dog walking close behind him, parting the crowd before them with his just his presence—which, honestly, was kind of impressive—so Theo didn't have to squeeze himself as much through this mass of strangers.

They had almost made it through the first room—with no specific goal in mind, because Theo didn't really know where to go—when they got approached by someone. Jules. 

“There's my favorite guy!”, she slurred, clearly already a few glasses deep into the night. She pulled Theo away from Ezra and just wrapped her arms tightly around him for a hug. Theo didn't return the gesture. Not because he didn't like her... the move was just a bit too sudden. And it threw him a little off.

“Easy there, Hansley,” Ezra purred, the sound almost sending a shiver through his spine.

“Oh come on,” Jules laughed, releasing Theo from her arms. “You know he's all yours.”

But he didn't even get a moment to breathe, before the next arm was snaking its way around him. Ezra's this time. Though not in a hugging way. He just stood beside him, wrapping his arm casually around his waist to... well, hold him there.

Theo didn't say a word. His mind was going far too fast to process any of this.

“But speaking off. Guess who just got broken up with!”, Jules half-cheered, half-sighed, before taking a big gulp from the cup in her hand.

Oh.

Jules' boyfriend had broken up with her?

“Shit, that sucks,” Ezra sighed.

“Yeah. Big time,” she agreed.

“Here at the party?”, he asked, furrowing his brows. Jules nodded. “And you didn't get kicked out?”

Why would she get kicked out? Beverly wouldn't just send her home after she just got her heart broken. What kind of friend would she be if she did that. 

Jules rolled her eyes.