Chapter Text

If I had the world to give, I'd give it all to you

You’re 5 when your nanny tells you and your twin that your parents aren’t coming back from their voyage, that they’re dead. You and your twin look at each other, and you both shrug, then run off to the lego room. Neither of you have seen your parents in weeks, and you don’t see them even when they’re not on one of their many trips. 

You are a bit worried that this might mean that your older siblings are going to leave, but when you and your twin get to the lego room, you hear them arguing in the room next to it. That’s good. They’re both cool, and they never sound disappointed in what you build.

You and your twin run straight for your respective lego projects. Mom and Dad don’t like it when you two build, but Mom and Dad aren‘t coming back, so who cares?

You start working on building the hand while you listen to your big bro talk on the other side of the wall. 

“I don’t know what to do, Rose,” he says. “They’re family, we can’t just abandon them. But fuck, do you know how to raise a kid?”

“There’s more,” your big sis says, and you hear the shuffling of papers.

“Assets sold or split four ways, fund to pay for house things and rest of money split four ways, bank account until the twins are 18,” your big bro mutters to himself. “Jewelry split evenly between you and lil’ sis, watches, okay, what’s the important bit?”

“‘In the event that both David Strider Senior and Roseanne Lalonde Senior are dead, the above inheritance shall be given to their four children, named before, provided that the elder two of the four become legal guardians to the younger two until the younger two turn eighteen. If this does not happen, the entirety of their estate shall be donated to the Republican Governance Group SuperPAC, save one item of jewelry per daughter and one watch per son, none of which costing more than 10,000 dollars.’”

“Is that legal? I assume that’s legal. Can we even adopt kids? We’re 27, we’re, like, barely adults, but we can’t let that happen, that’s the big group that donates to McCain, we can’t let that happen, we have to do it for Obama, are you going to let him down, Rose?”

“Will you shut up about Obama for a second, Dave?” Rose snaps at him, and you flinch a bit because when she’s angry, she sounds like your mom. Not much, though, she’s your big sis, and you know she’s never really angry at you or your twin. But she said the s-word, she must be really mad at Dave to have said the s-word.

Rose sighs, and says, “I’m sorry, Dave. I shouldn’t have snapped at you, I understand that it’s difficult for both of us, and that you were trying to use humor as a coping mechanism.”

“It’s…It’s chill. How are you doing? Is that literature and philosophy degree getting you tons of jobs?”

“I suspect about as many as your filmmaking degree is getting you. I’m looking into finding an agent for Complacency of the Learned, but I don’t know if I have enough saved up to cover rent until it’s published. How is your movie going?”

“Without any more money to pay for actors? Fucking terribly.”

“Neither of us were prepared to deal with the real world without our parents’ help, were we?”

“Nope.” They both laugh a bit, then Dave continues, “I don’t want to just adopt them for the money, though. We’re gonna be good parents. Not like Mom or Dad.”

“Of course, though I dare say that being better parents than Mother and Father Dearest will not be challenging.”

“The two of us are going to be working moms like Jade, working all day then making dinner at night, except art instead of science. Maybe Egbert can join the club, hasn’t he been thinking about adopting?”

“Are you describing yourself and Egbert as working moms instead of the paternal variant?”

“Yeah, I guess me and Egbert will be working dads, but that doesn’t flow off the tongue, you get what I mean.”

“Hmm,” Rose says, and you try to imitate that noise. She sounds like she knows something that’s a secret, and you want to sound like that too.

Behind you, your twin cackles loudly, holding up a lego figurine, and your older siblings walk into the room a couple of seconds later. “What are you working on?” Rose asks your twin.

“Lord Zazzerpan conquers all!” your twin shouts, gesturing at the giant wizard castle.

“Is that a robot?” Dave asks you, gesturing at your creation.

You plug in the motor, and flip the switch. Four of the robot’s fingers on its right hand twitch, like it’s trying to grab something. “Woah, that’s sick as fuck,” he says, then slaps his hand over his mouth. You don’t know or care why, you pry off one of the plates to see why the last finger didn’t move. “That’s really awesome,” he corrects himself. Behind him, Rose is asking your twin if she can use the name Zazzerpan, and you didn’t understand the whole conversation, but you think that having parents doesn’t sound too bad if it’s them.

Chapter Text

Here's a band-aid, happy birthday, yes of course I did remember

Your older siblings have never spent so much time at home before. There was normally always one of them around, but your big bro was always making a movie, or your big sis was away writing a book. But it’s been a couple of months since your parents died, and your big bro’s been working on his movie on his computer, while your big sis is remodeling parts of the basement to look more wizardly so she can write down there. 

It’s nice having both of them around to play with you or your twin, but you know it won’t last. So when your big sibs go to have an “adult talk”, you know what vents lead to that room, and you know how to listen. Your twin’s too loud for this mission, so you don’t even tell him, sneaking off while pretending to grab some snacks. 

You press your ear to the vent and listen. “-with the editing. I can’t do anything else on the movie until I film more.”

“I see,” says your big sis.

“I called Egbert, his company is fine with him taking a couple of months remote, he sounded excited about taking care of the twins, I think if it goes well he’s going to adopt.”

“We will have to warn Egbert that no other kids will be quite like ours,” your big sis says fondly, and you smile and bite your tongue.

“He’s known both of us for years, I think he knows that us Strilondes aren’t normal.”

“Hm. Kindergarten starts in a week, stay until they’re adjusted to the schedule of school. And you have to come back for the week of our birthdays, maybe Christmas too.” What’s Rose saying? Is Dave going to leave?

“And a call every night so they don’t think I’ve completely abandoned them?” He’s not going to completely abandon you, but he’s leaving, he’s going to abandon you and your twin, and there’s nothing you can do about that.

“I’ll make a psychologist out of you yet,” your big sis says. She sounds so relaxed, doesn’t she know Dave’s leaving, he’s not coming back except when he has to, Mom and Dad were her parents too, why is she so relaxed about Dave becoming like them ?

There’s a pause before Dave says, “Do you hear that?” and you strain your ears, but you can’t hear anything that your twin might be doing over your own heavy breathing.

You hear your name from the doorway of the room you’re in, and you flinch backwards. Dave’s abandoning you, he’s leaving, but he’s kneeling in front of you, and his arms are open, so you hug him tightly.

“I guess you heard all of that, huh?” He sighs. “Not how I planned to tell you, but yeah, I’m leaving.” You grip him tighter. “Yeah, me too, Sis. I wish I could stay here with y’all, but I have to go work on my moive. I’ve shown you parts of it, yeah?” You nod against his shoulder. “It’s gonna take about a year to finish filming, but I’m gonna call you every night, and I’m gonna visit whenever I can, and once it’s done, I’m never gonna leave you again. You’re gonna be like ‘Dave, I’m a cool teenager, I wanna hang out with all my cool teenage friends without my lame big bro following me around’, and I’m gonna be like ‘Nope’, cause I’m stickin’ with ya, like you’re rubber and I’m glue, that’s how sticky I’m gonna be, polymerizing all up in that sh-stuff, or whatever Jade talks about, I mostly tune her out, how did I end up talking about this?”

You’re giggling at Dave’s ramble as you say, “You were saying you were going to stick to me forever.”

“Right. And that’s a Strider promise, the strongest kind of promise there is. Now come on, let’s go find your brother.”

There’s this monkey who’s just curious

A couple of weeks after you start kindergarten, when you and your twin are called to be picked up, instead of your bro being there, there’s your sis and someone you don’t recognize.

Your twin yells “Big sis!” and hugs her, while you move so your sis is standing between you and the stranger.

Your big sis looks at both of you, then up at Mrs. Cunningham. “Is that enough proof for you, on top of my ID, that I am actually their sister and allowed to pick them up?”

“I’m sorry for doubting you, Ms. Lalonde,” Mrs. Cunningham apologizes. “You and your brother don’t look like each other, and you can never be too careful when it comes to children.”

“I am told that me and Dave have quite similar face shapes, but no matter. I’ll be picking them up for the rest of the year, so you’ll have plenty of time to learn to recognize my face. Now come along, you two.” Your big sis was putting on her scary voice for most of that, but when she smiles at you and your twin, you know everything is alright. 

Your twin waits until all of you and the stranger are in the car before he asks, “So who are you?”

The stranger smiles and says, “I’m your aunt June, I’m Rose and Dave’s old friend!”

“You don’t look like a girl, though, aren’t aunts girls?” you ask.

“I’m tricking everyone into thinking I’m a boy through my awesome disguise skills,” Aunt June says, wiggling her fingers next to her face.

“Ohhhh,” your twin says, and you’re not so sure about that, but your big sis is nodding along, and she never lies to you.

“So,” Aunt June grins at both of you, “who wants ice cream?”

As it turns out, both of you do, and so your big sis drives you to the local ice cream shop. Your twin goes up to look at the flavors, but you already know what you want, so you hang back with the adults. 

“Have you told Jade?” your big sis asks Aunt June.

“Not long after you helped me figure it out.”

“And yet you still haven’t told my brother.”

“I did!” Aunt June points at your twin, who’s asking if he can try a sample of every kind of ice cream. 

“Dave,” your big sis says, looking unimpressed. 

“...I’ll probably tell him soon.”

“Why haven’t you told him yet?” your big sis asks, putting her hand on Aunt June’s shoulder.

“I...want it to stay like how we are,” Aunt June admits. “I want to stay his best bro, the two of us against you two nosy broads.”

“You can just tell him that,” your big sis points out.

“I know, but then he’ll think that I just want all of the good parts of being a woman and all the good parts of being a man.”

“I don’t think that Dave would classify being perceived as a woman as one of the good parts of being a woman, and if he does, I have some questions for him. I don’t think he’ll think you’re doing this for the numerous benefits of being a woman: being catcalled, looked down on by old white men, existing as a woman of color, et cetera.”

“What if he’s weird about my gender, or me being a lesbian?” Aunt June asks.

“You’re right, that is a distinct possibility. In fact, I remember, when you came out as bi, he loudly shouted, ‘Wait, you’re a homosexual?’ and then wouldn’t get near you without the protection of me or Jade for months, until we performed a ghostbusters-style exorcism on you. Or, wait, I think I might be remembering it the wrong way around.”

“I thought we all agreed we weren’t going to ever bring up anything that happened freshman year of college again!”

“In any case, if it goes wrong, you can remind him of that time, and tell him that he’s acting like you did, and the mortification will instantly shut him up.”

“Gee thanks, Rose,” Aunt June mutters. “Okay. I’ll probably tell him in the next week.” 

Rose hums to herself. “I’d think that the worst case scenario would be if he suspects that you’re pranking him, wouldn’t it?”

“Why’d you have to bring that up, Rose, now I’m not going to be able to work up the courage to tell him!”

“He will think for sure that it is a prank and refuse to believe anyone telling him it isn’t if the twins are the ones to tell him first. They are calling him tonight, and sure to mention their Aunt June.”

There’s a pause, before Aunt June says, “Can you tell him I’m your girlfriend?”

“June,” your big sis says seriously. “I will tell him whatever lies you want me to. But you will have to explain why you didn’t come to help, and if he pays you a surprise visit at home, you will have to explain why you aren’t there, and you will have to never spend time around the twins in front of him, and the lies will continue to build up and limit you, and make it harder for you to explain everything when you inevitably tell him.”

Aunt June sighs. “Can you text him that I’m going to tell him something serious, and I’ll text him once you’re done?”

“As you wish.” Rose takes out her phone. “Grape sorbet.”

Your twin seems to have finally decided what he wants and ordered, and so you step up to order your own vanilla with chocolate chips and your big sis’s grape sorbet, then Aunt June orders her blue raspberry.

When the server asks for a name for the order, Aunt June hesitates before looking at you and saying “DiStri.”

“DiStri?” you ask as you all walk back to the table.

“Everyone needs a nickname, DiStri can be yours,” Aunt June says. 

“It’s not shorter than my name, so it’s not a nickname,” you protest. 

“Of course it can be a nickname, anything can be a nickname if you want it to be. Do you want it to be?” 

You take a second to think about that question, and you think maybe. You don’t have any strong feelings about your name, and this nickname sounds cool. You can imagine your big bro and sis calling you DiStri, and your twin screaming it at you when you take all of his lego pieces. You…you can’t imagine your parents ever calling you DiStri, and that seems like it might be a good thing. So you nod at Aunt June.

Your big sis passes her phone to Aunt June. “He’s ready to talk to you. If you wait too long, he’s going to start texting ridiculous guesses.”

“Now I kind of want to wait and see what he says!” Aunt June laughs. Your big sis gives her a look, and Aunt June stares back at her.

“Can I have a nickname too?” your twin asks, and Aunt June turns to look at him.

“Huh. RoStri doesn’t have the same ring to it, so maybe RoRo?” Aunt June suggests.

“I have been considering using our mother’s last name, so my books aren’t associated with Dave’s...movies,” Rose says.

“It’s a moive, actually,” Aunt June corrects her.

“Yes, thank you very much June. You could use that last name too, and have the nickname RoLal instead.”

“RoLal and DiStri and Rose Lalonde and Dave Strider,” your twin says with a smile on his face. 

“It has a nice ring to it,” your big sis says. “Now, June, if you aren’t going to text Dave, would you be so kind as to give me my phone back so that the children might call him?”

“Okay, fine , I’ll text him!” Aunt June says, and starts typing on the phone, muttering something about nosy broads.

The server calls your new nickname, and all of you except Aunt June go up to get your ice cream. When you come back to the table, June has put the phone down.

“Well?” your big sis asks.

“He was happy for me! He shoved his foot in his mouth a couple of times, though,” Aunt June says, laughing slightly.

“Good. Do you want me to take any screenshots of the conversation and send them to you for blackmail purposes?”

Aunt June shakes her head. “It wouldn’t be good blackmail material, he was actually better than usual. He also said he wants to talk to the kids.”

“Well, kids, how do you feel about that?”

“Yes!” your twin says. He grabs the phone from the table, and clicks the call button, then the speakerphone. 

Nearly immediately, your big bro’s voice comes out of the phone. “Hey, kids.”

“Big bro!” your twin says.

“RoLal! How was your day?”

“Kindergarten was boring, but then big sis and Aunt June picked us up, and they got us ice cream, and I got cotton candy ice cream!”

“I didn’t know they had cotton candy ice cream.”

“It’s sooooo good!” 

“Sounds like it. How about you, DiStri?”

“Vanilla with chocolate chips,” you answer.

“Which is different from chocolate chip ice cream...”

“It has the vanilla flavor, and chocolate chip ice cream just has ice cream flavor. And the chocolate chips are chocolate chip shaped, not square shaped. It’s better,” you say. Your twin makes fun of you for it occasionally, but you know it’s the best. You have proof .

“Whatever you say, lil’ sis.”

Chapter Text

I have been around the world, but you’re all the world to me

Your big bro told you, on the call this afternoon, that he’s done with filming, and he’s going to be home tomorrow. He’d spent most of December and July with you, and he called you every day, but you still miss him, and you’re so excited for him to come back home.

Your big sis explained that the earlier you go to sleep, the earlier it’s tomorrow and your big bro will be here. But you’re so excited, you can’t fall asleep, so you grab the book that your twin had been reading, and go to the bathroom so the light won’t wake him up.

And instead of the book boring you enough to make you sleep, you get sucked in. The main character’s who you want to be, with a sword and armor, protecting her family. Her older brother the magician reminds you of a shy RoLal, and the father’s properness and mother’s jokes remind you of Rose and Dave. You’ve finished the book before you realize that you started reading it after bedtime, and it’s more than 200 pages long. It’s really late, and you don’t feel sleepy at all, you want to read more about Igraine. 

You hear quiet talking downstairs, and you follow the sound until you see your big bro and big sis, hugging in the entryway. Your big bro’s shades are off, and his eyes are squeezed shut. You see a tear slide down his cheek to land on your big sis’s sweater. 

Your big bro opens his eyes suddenly, and he notices you. He pulls away from your big sis, and, ignoring her surprise, comes over and kneels down to hug you. You have to bend down to hug him; you’ve grown since the last time you hugged him. 

“What are you doing up this late?” your big sis asks you.

“Aw, c’mon Rose, give her a break,” your big bro says, letting go of you and standing up.

“It’s 3 AM.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” you say. 

“See, Rose? She couldn’t sleep.” Dave turns back to you and picks you up. “Let’s put you to bed now, and we’ll try not to wake up your brother.”

Time it was I had a dream, and you're the dream come true

You don’t think you like airports. 

It wasn’t a long drive to the airport, but then you spent forever walking around with a backpack on. Then you spent half an hour on a plane, got off, walked around some more, waited, got on another plane, and spent six hours reading. Then you got off, walked around, and even though it looked bright outside, your big sibs told you to sleep because it was actually late. 

Then you got up, walked around some more, then spent sixteen hours getting bored of all the books you brought. RoLal was nearly running around the plane by the halfway point, but then Dave said, “Maybe we shouldn’t have brought them,” and you kick RoLal so that he pays attention to that. You both were better behaved after that, though you saw Rose glare at Dave and write him a long note. Maybe it was his idea to have you come and she’s annoyed at him because it was a bad idea. You hope they don’t end up leaving you behind next time because of your twin. 

By the time you’ve all gotten out of the airport (is it your imagination or was it longer this time?) the sun’s setting over a sign that says “Welcome to Melbourne!” 

The hotel’s not far away, but your feet are hurting by the time you get there. The woman at the front desk says good morning, and ignores your confused look. 

“Yeah, it’s late for us,” your big bro explains. “We just came in from the US. I’m Dave Strider, I think we have a two king room?”

“Yep, under David Strider, room 413. Elevator’s that way, when you get out of the elevator, take a right.” 

“Thanks!” your big bro says cheerily while your big sis drags you all to the elevator. When you get to the room, your big bro flops on the bed closest to the door while your big sis pulls the curtains closed. You and your twin hop onto the other bed, and you fall asleep almost instantly.

—

The sun is high in the sky when your big bro wakes you and your sibling up. You’re tired, but you get dressed, brush your teeth and your hair, and you all go to a theater. You’re ushered into what looks like a dressing room. Your big sis goes behind a curtain with a long black dress and a makeup box, and your big bro pulls a deck of cards out of his pocket. 

After playing a couple rounds of Butterfly Saliva (three rounds, and you won two), your big bro asks, “So do you know why we’re here?” 

You nod. “It’s for your movie, and Big Sis’ book.”

“Right. Both of us were nominated for big awards, and we might win them. But we don’t want people to know who we are because then our fans might find you two and you won’t get to be normal kids.”

“That’s why you don’t want us to tell our friends about your projects,” your twin says.

Your big bro nods. “Yeah, so me and Rose are going to get ourselves disguised so no one can recognize us, and we’ll need to leave you here with our agent, so you don’t get recognized, but we’ll come back as soon as we can, and you can watch us on TV.”

Your twin holds out his pinkie finger. “Pinkie promise that you’ll come back?”

Your big bro smiles and takes RoLal’s pinkie in his. “I pinkie-promise.”

You hear a knock on the door, and your big bro opens it to a woman in a pink shirt and green pants.

Your big sis looks out from behind the curtain and you gasp because her face is blue. “Come help me with my makeup,” she says, motioning to the woman.

“Can I help?” your twin asks.

Your big sis nods and holds out the box of makeup to RoLal. “I want it to look like space, so you can add purple or green.”

“Can I add pink too?”

“Of course, just surround the pink with purple so it looks more natural."

The woman sits down where RoLal was sitting. “Can I join?”

“Yeah, I’ll deal you in,” your big bro responds. “Be careful, though, DiStri’s a beast at this game, no one can read her poker face puh-puh-poker face.”

You play some more, and realize that the woman, who you find out is Stelsa the agent, is better than anyone else in your family, but you can normally beat her. When your big bro and your twin switch places so your big bro can get changed into a suit and a face mask with the same Y-mouth as Hella Jeff.

RoLal knows you well enough that he’s calling you out on some of your lies, and Stelsa’s nearly as good at BS as you, so you’re so focused on the game that you don’t notice that your big siblings have left until Stelsa turns on the TV to show the Hugo Awards.

You don’t care about the first few awards, and you all play some more while they’re calling the winners of the best short films and directors are giving their acceptance speeches.

You’re about to call your twin out on not having two 2s when he shoves your shoulder. “Look, they’re doing best movie.”

“BS,” you say anyway, and check the top two cards. An ace and a three. You hand RoLal the pile.

“They’re about to call it…” Stelsa says, and the announcer says, “Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff: the Mov—excuse me, Moive, by Godhead.”

The only thing you recognize about your bro is his hair and his sunglasses when he comes up to the microphone. “Howdy y’all,” he says, his voice lower and sounding more Texan than he normally does. “I’m pleased as punch to be getting this award from all y’all. Couldn’t ‘a done this without ev’ryone in the moive, y’all know who you are. Thanks ta Da, and Ma…nah, ‘m just kiddin’, I don’t got a Ma. Special shoutout to ma best bro, the one who shares a name with a month, and my second best bro, love ya.” He made a hugging motion on the word love, and pointed at the camera on the word ya. “An’ then I guess you two broads would get on my case if I didn’t mention ya, so here ya go. An’ you two kids,” he pauses, and his voice sounds higher and less Texan when he continues. “Know that ev’rythin’ I do is for you. I love you two.”

After the clapping stops, the announcer moves on to the next winner, and you want to go back to the game, but both Stelsa and your twin want to keep watching, so you wait for your big sis to be called up. It doesn’t take long before the announcer says, “And the winner of this Hugo Award is…Rose Lalonde, for her book Complacency of the Learned.”

Your big sis walks onto the stage, her black-painted lips in a precise smile. “I would like to start by saying that I am very grateful to have received this award, partially so more people read my book, but mostly because my brother would have held it over my head for the rest of our lives if I hadn’t.” A lot of the audience laughed at that. “Thank you for always pushing me to be better, if only so I can one-up you. Thank you to the man who treated me like his daughter, I wish you were still here. Thank you to my two best friends, one of who was always there for me to discuss ideas with, the other one always happy to take care of the children so that I had time to write. And speaking of that, thank you to my agent, who did everything for me, from sending out my book to every publisher that I had heard of and quite a few that I hadn’t, to reminding me to eat and sleep occasionally, and who is right now taking care of the kids for me. And last, but most of all, thank you to my kids. You have always inspired me, even giving me the name Zazzerpan. If I thought what would make you happiest would be for me to stop writing, give up this award, and start dressing in pastels, I would do it in an instant. I hope you both always remember how much you are loved.”

As the camera pans over the audience, you can see that your big bro is walking out the back while your big sis returns to her seat. Not long after, you hear a knock on the door, and Stelsa opens it and hugs your big bro. “Congratulations, D.”

You hug him next and say, “Congratulations, Bro.”

Your twin takes your place. “Congrats, Dad.”

You see your big bro freeze. Then he smiles and leans down and hugs your twin, and you think he might be crying.

RoLal calls your big sis “Mom” when she comes back, and she wipes away tears too. When you walk back to the hotel, your big bro tells your twin and Stelsa about everyone he talked to, and you ask your big sis, “Should I start calling you Mom?”

She takes a second to think about your question. “Do you feel like I’m your mom?”

“You don’t act like our mom ever did, so you’re not taking her place, why would I feel like you’re our mom?”

“I don’t think RoLal is calling me ‘Mom' in reference to our shared mother, but instead thinking of mothers in fiction, who get their children ice cream and pay attention to them.”

You frown. “Why would she want a mom, when we have you and Bro?”

“I think RoLal wants everyone else to understand that we’re not your siblings like you and him are siblings; instead we fulfill a parental role in addition to being your older siblings. But I think for the most part, you two mean the same thing: RoLal called me his mom because I take care of him, and you call me your sister because I take care of you, and either way, I love you.”

Chapter Text

I said I was a boy; I’m glad he didn’t check

It’s the evening of your 8th birthday, and you and your twin are hiding in your shared room.

Bro and Sis invited everyone in your class to a party in the park, which was fun, but became too much after a while. Then they gave the two of you presents, and you liked most of them, but you had to pretend to like all of them, and smile when the muscles in your cheeks hurt.

The last present that the two of you got were simple phones without many apps on them. Sis warned you not to text anyone you didn’t know, but Bro said that you could text the two numbers that were already in your phone.

You and RoLal had escaped at that point, and now you’re both trying out the headphones and the music that your big siblings downloaded onto your phones. You think Bro was the one who chose to give you The Highwomen songs, and you should thank him for that later when you feel up to interacting with people.

Maybe you should try to text him instead? You think that might be easier. So you click on the texting icon, and are prompted to make an account. For the username, it gives you interesting words themed around whatever you want, and you eventually decide on technophileTychism, which means “someone who likes technology” and “the belief that random chance can change a lot”. You love Legos and building stuff, and plane flights are normally really safe, so it was just random chance that your parents died.

You choose orange for your text color, because it’s your favorite color.

Once you’ve created your account, you find four usernames on your “chumroll”:
turntechGodhead
tentacleTherapist
gaminesqueThrenody
gutsyGumshoe

You…know your bro likes the color red? So the first one is probably him? You decide to test it out.

technophileTychism [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
TT: Hey, Bro, is this you?
TG: yep
TG: rose is tentacletherapist
TT: Cool.
TT: Were you the one who picked The Highwomen?
TG: if you like them yeah if not its absolutely roses fault
TT: I do like them, thanks.
TG: anytime lil sis
technophileTychism [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

That was a lot easier than talking. You didn’t have to move your face at all!

When you go back to your chumroll, you find a new username there: tulleGardevisure, in RoLal’s favorite shade of pink.

tulleGardevisure [TG] began pestering technophileTychism [TT]
TG: do you wanna pester them first
TG: or cani
TG: *can i
TT: We should set up a memo so we can both talk to both of them at the same time.
TG: booorin
TG: i wanna see drama
TG: GT cryin cause i talked to GG first
TT: I’m definitely starting a memo.
technophileTychism [TT] ceased pestering tulleGardevisure [TG]

technophileTychism [TT] opened memo Where doing this
gaminesqueThrenody [GT] responded to memo
GT: Hello everyone!
tulleGardevisure [TG] responded to memo
TG: heyyya
gutsyGumshoe [GG] responded to memo
GG: Who are you people?
GG: Are you working with my mom?
TT: Who’s your mom?
GG: Playing dumb won’t get you anywhere, Mister!
GG: Or Missy!
TT: Bro and Sis gave us your numbers, and I don’t think either of them are your mom.
GG: Are you sure?
TT: I think I’d know.
GG: Then are they working with my mom?
GT: I mean wouldnt they be your moms friends?
GG: What?
TT: What?
TG: whaaaat
GT: I thought that was what this all was for?
GT: My mom is friends with your parents and they want us to be friends too i think.
TG: that makes seenc
TG: *sense
TT: It explains why Sis was fine with us texting you when they talked about stranger danger.
GG: My mom pranked me by having me anticipate her prank… I’ll have to get her back for that somehow.
GG: I’m Jane. Nice to meet you three.

tulleGardevisure [TG] began pestering technophileTychism [TT]
TG: hey distri
TG: i just had teh best idea evr
TG: woumdtn it be super funny if we lied to them
TT: In what way?
TG: like if i said i was agirl n u said u were a boy
TG: like im roxy and ur wever name u want
TG: but a boy name
TG: mby startin w di so i can call u distri

You take a moment to consider this. Bro and Sis lie to each other all the time and it’s funny. GG, Jane, seems to like pranks too. She and GT would probably find it funny.

And, also, you liked it when Jane called you Mister. It’s fun to be mistaken for a boy.

You check back on the original chat.

GT: And im jake. Pleasure to meet you.
GG: Hello? TT? TG? What are your names?
tulleGardevisure is an idle chum
technophileTychism is an idle chum
TT: Sorry about that, we were talking to Sis and Bro.
TT: I’m Dirk, and TG is Roxy. We’re twins.
GT: Dirk? Thats rather an interesting name! Where does it come from?
TT: It’s a type of knife.
GG: Nice to meet you, Dirk and Roxy.
GG: Not to be rude, Dirk, but is that a boy or a girl name?

Is she catching on to you? You need to come up with a diversion, quickly.

TT: The concept of gendered names is one that is quickly going out of style.
TT: Modern names tend to be less gendered, like Avery and Jordan, compared to older names, like James and Susan.
TT: A lot of people are also choosing more unique names, often naming their kids after objects, such as trees or knives.
TT: But to answer your real question, the name Dirk is a boy’s name because it’s my name and I’m a boy.

There. That was a good diversion. You’re pretty sure Sis would be proud of you for that one.

TG: distri uv been talkin 2 mom 2 much
TT: She’s our older sister and she takes care of us, I don’t think there is such a thing as talking to her “too much”, RoLal.
TT: You’re just jealous that you didn’t hear her lecture on Chinese dialects.
TG: nah u dont talk 2 her bout wizzards ur loss
GT: :.:;?
TT: ...What was that?
GT: Do you not know loss.jpg?
GG: I certainly don’t.
GT: Its a meme! Theres one line in the first quadrant a line next to a shorter line in the second quadrant two normal lines in the third and a line next to a horizontal line in the fourth.
TG: how is thst funny
GT: Mama says shell explain it to me when im older.