Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sam runs his thumb over Jack’s knuckles and takes another look at the chart he picked up from the end of the bed as if any of the information in it will magically change.  Three days ago Jack collapsed in the living room and they had taken him to the emergency room where diagnoses started getting launched at them rapid fire.  Malnutrition, anemia, anxiety, possible eating disorder.  Cas had eventually gotten into an argument with a doctor over the last one, saying they were ignoring Jack’s physical state and blaming it on something they had little to no evidence for.  Sam had to agree a little bit.  In the month that Jack has been living with them up to that point he did his best to eat whatever they gave him and showed no other evidence of an eating disorder. 

“I’m not anorexic.”  Jack says, voice hoarse, as if he can tell what Sam is reading in the chart.  “I can’t eat and I’m…. weak.”

“I know sweetheart.”  Sam sets the chart aside.  “Cas and I believe you, and we’re advocating for you so you can focus on resting.  We’ll figure it out, I promise.”

“Where is Cas?”  Jack looks around the room.

“I let him go home to shower and spend some time with Dean.”  Sam explains.  “Dean really misses you, he keeps asking about you.”

“I miss him too.”  Jack’s eyes fill up with tears.  “I want to go home.  I want this out!”

He gestures vaguely to the feeding tube and the IV.  

“I know.”  Sam nods.  “I’m sorry this is happening.  We’re going to get you home as soon as we possibly can.”

He and Cas have been taking turns staying at the hospital, though Cas has been there more overall.  Jack seems to have developed some sort of severe separation anxiety, and anxiety in general.  Not that Sam is surprised.  When they finally got in touch with Jack’s mother, she had agreed to let him stay with them without a single protest or question.  Then everything seemed to just crumble for the kid, his last tie to everything he knew, his only sense of stability, just vanished.  His physical and mental health took a nose-dive that none of them were prepared for.  

Fortunately, he seems to have bonded well with the three of them, particularly with Cas.  Despite having a decline in overall health, Jack has been able to regulate himself with the three of them, and he clearly trusts them.  Sam sees it as a great privilege to be trusted by someone so vulnerable.

“Sam?”

“Yes love?”  Sam smiles, getting pulled back from his thoughts.  

“Can you bring Dean to see me?”

“I can try.”  Sam says, hesitant to bring Dean to a place where he has so many negative associations.  “Why don’t we facetime him later?  Then you guys can see each other at least.”  

“Okay.”  Jack agrees and yawns.  “He said he wouldn’t watch that show without me.”

“Well I’m sure he won’t then.”  Sam smiles.

He often wonders how much the two of them are able to communicate.  They seem to have an almost telepathic ability to connect with one other, which has fascinated both him and Cas to no end.  He knows exactly what show Jack is talking about because he tried to put the show on the day before and Dean threw a tantrum.  Dean is just short of devastated that Jack isn’t at home, and Sam wonders how Dean can comprehend not to watch a cartoon without Jack, but can’t comprehend that Jack is at the hospital and didn’t just vanish.  Sam hopes facetime might help the both of them feel a little bit better, though that kind of thing can go either way with Dean.  It either soothes him or confuses him.

“Your bloodwork came back better though so I hope you won’t be here for too many more days.  Just try to rest and let me and Cas handle everything.”  Sam says as Jack yawns again and begins to fall asleep.  “There you go.  I’ll be here.” 

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“Okay angel.”  Cas lifts Jack out of the car as gently as he can.  He could barely stay awake long enough for them to discharge from the hospital.  “Stay asleep, everything is alright.”

“Cas?”  Jack asks, tightening his arms around Cas’s neck as he shuts the car door.  Cas curses internally for waking him up.

“We are home.”  Cas says.  “Sam and Dean are waiting for you inside.”

“Big bed.”  Jack mumbles.  “Not upstairs.”

Sam opens the door for Cas before he can respond to Jack’s plea for the ‘big bed’ which is what they’ve all taken to calling Sam’s bed.  For reasons Cas has yet to understand, Jack categorically refuses to sleep upstairs in his apartment.  They try to get him to at least sleep on his own on the couch, but much like with Dean they give up at the slightest sign of disress.

“Dack!”  Dean shrieks, popping up from the couch.

“Dean!”  Jack lifts his head from Cas’s shoulder and smiles finally.  “I told Sam to bring you to visit me but he didn’t listen.”

“Sorry.”  Sam laughs a little.  “Come here Dean, sit down on the couch.  Jack is still kind of weak, you have to be really gentle.”

“Dack?”  Dean’s face falls and he looks to Cas with a worried expression.

“It’s okay honey.”  Sam explains, guiding him to sit back down.  “Remember when you got home from the hospital last time?  You were very tired and you needed a nap right away.”

“Yeh.”  Dean nods, satisfied with this explanation and extending his arms toward Cas.  “Dack, pease, Cas.”

Jack huffs a laugh.

“I’m not a baby, Dean.”  He says.

Dean sits down, ignoring this statement, and Cas sets Jack on the couch where Dean does in fact attempt to cradle him like a baby.  But Dean is babbling excitedly and Jack is listening and smiling, so Cas takes the time to run to the bathroom.  When he gets back, Dean and Jack are watching TV and Jack is wrapped in a warm blanket, though he doesn’t seem to be paying much attention to the screen, instead he’s already looking toward the doorway where Cas reenters the room.  

“There he is.”  Sam says when Cas walks back in.  “We got a little anxious.”  He jerks his head in Jack’s direction.

“He has been anxious since we left the hospital.  I missed you.”  Cas walks over and hugs Sam.  “So much.”

“Me too.”  Sam replies softly.  “It’ll get better.  It will.”

Dean babbles and points at the screen.  Jack is worriedly playing with the hem of the blanket, trying to keep Cas in sight.  Cas gives him an encouraging nod and he turns back to what they’re watching, while Cas remains curled into Sam’s embrace for as long as he can.

“I have a great deal of paperwork.”  Cas says.  “There are nutrition and calorie requirements, weight checks, medications.”

“We’ll be okay.”  Sam rubs his back.  “I’ll take a look at it while they watch TV.  You need to try and relax too.”

Cas gives Sam the papers and joins Dean and Jack on the couch.  He talks to Dean at length and fusses with Jack’s blankets.  Jack asks several times to sleep in the big bed in Sam’s room, and Cas assures him every time that he can.  Dean starts to yawn and rub his face when Sam walks back in, seemingly having spent all of his energy chatting.

“Can you try and eat something before bed, Jack?”  Sam asks.

“No.”  Jack frowns.  “It’ll hurt my stomach.”

“I’ll make you something that doesn’t hurt.”  Sam promises, and Cas is grateful for his patience.  “What about a smoothie?”

“Too cold.”  Jack rubs his eyes tiredly like Dean is doing and Sam gives him a sympathetic squeeze.

“How about cocoa?”  Sam asks.  

“Okay.”  Jack agrees reluctantly.  “Cas said I can sleep in the big bed.”

“I heard.”  Sam smiles.  “I’ll be right back.”

Cas keeps his arm around Jack, hoping the body warmth will help him a little.  Sam texts him that he’s going to try and make the cocoa with Dean’s formula for some extra nutrition, which Cas thinks is a fantastic idea and gives him a little peace of mind for the night.  Sam puts the cocoa in a thermos and Jack dutifully sips it while Sam gets Dean ready and puts him to bed.  

Cas wants to try and get Jack to take a shower or a bath, but he can barely keep his eyes open when Sam asks if they’re ready for bed.  Cas decides that tomorrow will be fine and carefully carries Jack to their bedroom and nestles him in the middle of the bed.  

“I am terribly worried.”  Cas admits as Sam climbs in and checks the monitor in Dean’s room again.  “They told me he could have organ failure if he can’t get enough nutrition.” 

“We won’t let that happen.”  Sam promises.  “We’ll get a feeding tube before anything like that happens.  Dean had one, I know exactly how to handle it if it comes to that.  He did great today though and he drank that entire thermos of cocoa.  He’s going to start feeling a lot better now that he’s home with us.”

Cas can barely sleep that night thinking about all the things that could go wrong.  Half the night he tosses and turns and checks obsessively on Jack’s breathing and general appearance.  He spends so much time running through scenarios about Jack’s physical health that he’s very nearly shocked when Jack appears to begin the next day in a better physical state but a worse mental one.  

Jack wakes up easily and eats breakfast with Dean, not a whole lot but more than Cas expected him to on his first morning back at home.  He doesn’t complain as much about tiredness and weakness as he has been, and seems generally happy to do whatever Dean is doing.  However, he also cannot tolerate being left alone even for a moment. He follows Cas around the apartment and clings to him when Sam leaves for work.  Cas finds he can leave Jack with Dean for short moments, but Dean also requires heavy supervision so he mostly has the two of them at all times.  Jack refuses to shower until Cas agrees to sit in the bathroom with him, and he cries when Cas goes outside to get the mail.  

By the time Sam gets home, Cas is feeling a little frazzled and on edge.  He had hoped Jack would rest most of the day but he would only relax if Cas was actively holding him, and even then he was tense and nervous.  Not to mention Cas didn’t have much of a chance to sit with him while Dean was full of energy and also looking for attention. 

“I did not make dinner.”  Cas says bluntly when Sam gets home, skipping any sort of greeting entirely.

“Hard day?”  Sam asks, squeezing Dean.  “Dean looks happy.”

“Yeh!”  Dean nods.  “Dack no.”

“Jack wasn’t happy?”  Sam looks over to Cas who is gently rocking Jack, hoping he’ll fall asleep.  “What’s wrong buddy?”

“Don’t want Cas to go.”  Jack’s voice quivers.  

“I am not going anywhere.”  Cas replies for what feels like the hundredth time.  “I am afraid that this is more than just a little separation anxiety.  He is highly distressed.”

“Where do you think Cas is going, honey?”  Sam asks, crouching so he can be at Jack’s level.

“Anywhere.”  Jack tightens his hold on Cas.  

“Okay.”  Sam nods.  “Let me get dinner and we can talk about it.”

Sam throws together a quick dinner and they eat in the living room.  Jack has seemed to lose his appetite and only picks at his food while Sam tries to make casual conversation with them.  Cas finds that he is also not terribly hungry, but he eats some of his food and waits until Sam has Dean fairly occupied with a craft.

“So what’s going on, Jack?”  Sam asks.  “Why are you scared of Cas leaving?”

Jack frowns and clings to Cas’s neck.  Cas hugs him gently and tries to turn him just a little so that Sam can see his face too.

“Okay, okay.”  Sam reaches out and squeezes his hand.  “Let’s start smaller.  Why don’t you like the apartment upstairs?  Can you tell us your feeling?”

“Sad.”  Jack says softly and Cas shifts him so his head is cradled on his shoulder.

“My apartment upstairs causes you sadness?”  Cas asks, surprised.  “I am sorry that I did not know this.  Can you tell us why?”

“It’s just….”  Jack takes a deep breath.  “The room up there is like, it’s full of all this medical equipment I’ve never seen and the walls have photos of everyone, even this guy who, like, lived with you obviously that I’ve never seen and there’s photos of my mom, and uncle Gabe and Michael, and Sam and Dean but there’s none of me.”  

Cas feels his heart sink.

“And it’s…. I don’t know, it’s super far away and it looks like no one even lives there.   It’s… it looks staged or something like someone is pretending to live there.  And what if Dean needs someone?  He can’t walk up the stairs, and he gets upset when we go up there and I just…. I don’t know.  I’m really sick and I don’t know why and I feel anxious all the time and I just get scared that Cas will, I don’t know, leave and I’ll be alone and I’m like confused about what happened with my mom and-”

“Okay.”  Sam nods.  “Take a deep breath.”

Cas waits a moment while Jack breathes along with Sam.

“Jack, you are right.”  Cas says after a little while.  “The apartment upstairs does not feel well lived in because it is not.  I am usually down in this apartment, and I treat the upstairs as more of a storage area.  In fact, we have considered moving to a larger space, and now that you are here you would be included in this space.”

Jack nods slightly.

“I apologize that I have not made this space comfortable for you.  The room I gave to you upstairs used to belong to your uncle, my brother, and I can see how this would not be a welcoming place to stay in, especially when you are experiencing a great deal of turmoil.”  Cas explains.  “I would like to apologize to you for not realizing this and not being sensitive to your needs.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”  Jack says softly.  “I’m tired.”

“I know honey.”  Sam squeezes his hand.  “We’re both here whenever you do want to talk.  Is there anything else we can do right now to help you feel more settled?  Cas will stay with you whenever he can but he can’t be with you every minute.”

“I know.”  Jack rubs his face.  “I’m tired!”

“I’m sorry, Jack.  I can see that you’re tired.”  Sam stands up.  “We can talk about this tomorrow, let me get you some cocoa.”

Cas tucks the blanket around Jack and leans back.

“Cas?”  Jack asks.

“Yes?”

“What was my uncle’s name?”

“Zari.”  Cas replies.  “If you want, I can tell you more about him tomorrow.  He was my brother but also my best friend.”

“Okay.”  Jack nods.  “Can I sleep in the big bed still?”

“Of course you can.”  Cas says.  “I will take care of you in whatever way you need.”

Jack nods and Sam returns with the cocoa which Jack seems more enthusiastic about drinking than Cas expected.  The small talk they had has actually brought a little color back to Jack, and Cas gives Sam a grateful look.  Sam just gives him a little shrug, then looks up as Dean begins to whimper from the other room.

“See you in bed.”  Sam says softly and Cas returns his attention to Jack.

“Jack, you resemble your uncle quite a bit.  I can see it more now that you are older.”  Cas tells him.

“Really?”  Jack asks.  “Do you have more pictures on your phone?”

“I do actually.”  Cas smiles.  “Would you like to see them?” 

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The next day, Sam wakes up with a groan, trying to work out the kink in his neck.  Half on top of him is Dean, still asleep, and next to him Cas, who is mostly off the bed and being clung to by Jack as if he were a baby koala.

“Sam?”  Cas says, face impassive.

“Yes?”  Sam replies, though he knows exactly what Cas is about to say.

“It is time to move.”