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Chapter Text

New Years Eve’s 2024

DS Lisa Swain had taken a rare day off work to make sure everything was ready for the New Year party later.  New Year was one of her favourite nights on the calendar, if not her favourite.  It had always been special.  She glanced at her watch.  Carla would be back with their daughter, Betsy shortly, hopefully to help with the last few bits before guests started arriving.

“Hello?”

As if on cue, Carla sauntered through the front door.  Dark hair, perfect cheekbones, tight jeans, sleek black top and leather jacket.

“Honey, I’m home!”

Lisa chuckled to herself, shaking her head, as she continued to lay out the different dishes for the evening.  She heard Carla and Betsy talking in the hallway before the teenager disappeared upstairs without so much as popping her blonde head round the door.  Carla appeared in the doorway, smiling cheerfully.

“Cavalry’s here,” the brunette said.

“Because this is a gourmet buffet,” the blonde replied.

“I mean, it could have been.  I kept you fed and watered for years!”

“You did,” Lisa conceded.  “I apologise.”

Carla grinned, entering the room and kissing her ex-wife’s cheek.

“How’s it going?”

“I’m almost done,” Lisa said.  “Just a few fiddly bits to go.”

Carla surveyed the countertops.  Without needing instruction, she joined in; the two of them worked seamlessly together.

“Oh, can you get the salad bowl down, please?  You know, the special one from my Mum?”

“Aww, is it too high for my little DS?” Carla teased, nudged.

“Shut up!” Lisa protested.

Carla continued to giggle, reaching into the top cupboard and getting the bowl down and setting it on the side.

“What’s it like being so tiny, Lise?” Carla asked.  “So cute and tiny?”

She reached out, tickling Lisa’s sides, making her cry out in protest.

“Stop!” Lisa laughed, hating that she knew her worst tickling spots.

They were interrupted by someone clearing their throat.

“Oh, hi, darling,” Lisa said, clearing her throat.  “How was your day?”

Becky, her partner of three years stood in the doorway, observing the two of them.  She looked distinctly unimpressed.  She had made it very clear that she was not a fan of Carla.  Lisa had made it very clear that Carla was the mother of her child and would always be part of her family.  It was an ongoing battle, often made worse by Carla’s inability not to flirt.  With anyone and anything, including Lisa.

“Fine,” Becky said stiffly.  “Yours?”

She ignored Carla, who returned to the salad bowl.

“Yeah, it was fine,” Lisa said.  “Just prepping for the party.”

“Hey, do you ever hide things in the top cupboards or the fridge so little shorty can’t find them?” Carla asked.

Lisa snorted.  Becky just looked confused.

“No.  Why would do I do that?”

“To surprise her later?  Or just for fun?” Carla said.

“No,” Becky said.

Carla just shrugged, finishing filling the salad bowl.

“Is that everything?” she asked Lisa, who nodded.

Carla glanced between the couple.

“I’m going to hang out with Bets for a bit.  Call me down if you need anything.”

She nudged past Becky and jogged upstairs.  Sometimes she just felt uncomfortable.  Becky turned her eyes back on Lisa.

“Does she have to hang around all the time?” she asked, not for the first time.

“It’s a party, Bex,” Lisa said.

“Not for like, two hours,” Becky pointed out.

“She was dropping Betsy home,” Lisa said.  “And she offered to help me prep.  Or, she did until you made her really uncomfortable.”

Becky stepped further into the room.

“I don’t think she’s capable of feeling uncomfortable,” she sulked.  “She’ll happily just sit here, literally in between us, when she’s clearly not welcome.”

“She’s always welcome.”

“Well, that’s the issue, isn’t it?  You always want her here.  I’m starting to wonder why you even split up in the first place!  I mean, who do you even want to be with, Lisa?  Me or her?”

Lisa sighed heavily, pulling Becky into her arms.  She kissed her.

“I want to be with you,” she told her.  “Carla and I are over.  We’re just friends.  But we are friends, okay?  And we do co-parent.  Becky, I don’t know how many times we have to have this conversation.  And I was upfront with you when we first met.  Carla is a big part of my life.  She always has been.  Always will be.  I can’t change that.  I won’t.  We’re family.”

The party was in full swing and the clock was counting closer to midnight.  Betsy was sat in a corner of the lounge with a group of her friends from school.  She had grown up with them all; their parents were all friends with her parents so despite it not being cool, something they had all made abundantly clear, everyone was in attendance together.  They did the same thing every year.

“Oh, looks like Carla’s latest woman’s turned up,” Dee Dee Bailey, Lisa’s best friend remarked.

Lisa looked up sharply.  She hadn’t yet met her ex’s latest fling.  To be fair, she usually only got the chance to meet them a handful of times before she found fault with them and discarded them.  Since their split nine years ago, Carla hadn’t been able to settle or commit.

“Oh, who is it now?”

“Oh, it’s that’s Peta woman again!” Dee Dee said.  “Since when are they back together?”

Lisa shrugged.

“I don’t know.  I can’t keep up.  I thought she found her annoying.”

“I thought you found her annoying.”

Lisa laughed.

“Well, there was that too.  Kept lecturing me about the environment while working as a fucking cabbie.  Literally driving round in a diesel all day.  I mean, are you joking?  And she changed her name to Peta because of the charity.”

“Alright, it’s a party, Lisa.  No need to start ranting,” Dee Dee said, patting her gently on the shoulder.

Across the room, Carla drew Peta into her arms.

“You made it!” she said, kissing her.

“Sorry, I’m late,” Peta replied, returning her kiss.  “I had a really big fare.  It was a bit too much to turn down on New Year’s Eve.”

“It’s fine.  I get it.  Glad you’re here before midnight though.”

They kissed again.  Drawing away, Carla glanced up, feeling she like she was being watched.  She caught Lisa quickly looking away, busying herself with pouring drinks.

“Three… two… one… Happy New Year!”

Becky pulled Lisa into her arms.  They kissed.

“Happy New Year, darling,” Becky said softly.

“Happy New Year,” Lisa replied, wrapping her arms around Becky’s waist.

They hugged each other tightly.  Lisa couldn’t help herself.  Over her partner’s shoulder, she sought Carla out through the crowd.  Of course, she had her tongue rammed down Peta’s throat.  She wasn’t even thinking about Lisa.  The Detective sighed and closed her eyes, clutching Becky a little tighter.

Across the room, Carla kept her eyes closed, kissing Peta.  The cabbie was at least fifteen years her junior, very idealist, vegan, political and very energetic.  She kept her on her toes.  Well, on her back a lot of the time, actually.  Or in various positions.  They’d split up once before because she had been frustrated and jealous of Carla’s family life, of her closeness with Lisa specifically, but recently, they’d come back into each other’s orbit.  Carla knew it wouldn’t last.  She hadn’t had a successful relationship since the breakdown of her marriage.  The truth was, she didn’t want one.  But for now, she was having fun.

She felt Peta’s hands begin to roam.  She tried to focus.  But all she could think about was Lisa.  She hadn’t stopped thinking about Lisa for twenty years.

“Happy New Year, DS Saucepot,” Carla whispered, pulling Lisa into a hug.

She pressed their cheeks together, a gentle kiss against her skin.  Lisa chuckled.

“Happy New Year, Pickle,” she replied.

She wrapped her arms around her for the briefest moment before forcing herself to let go.

“Let’s make this one really special,” she said.  “Fifty is a big year.”

Carla laughed, drawing away.

“And I’ve made such a success of my life, eh?”

“Hey!” Lisa protested.  “Yes, you have.”

“Washed up, practically divorced, single Mum…”

“No,” Lisa said softly.  “We co-parent.  We’re not actually divorced.  You’re definitely not washed up.  You’re a successful business woman.  Fucking gorgeous.”

Carla couldn’t help but smile at her, gazing lovingly into her eyes.

“I can always rely on you to make me feel better,” she said.

“Always,” Lisa said earnestly.

“Lisa?” Becky called.  “Can you come over here?”

Lisa apologised and turned towards her girlfriend, who looked strangely nervous.

“What’s going on?”

“I um… I want to ask you something,” Becky ventured.

Lisa’s heart plummeted into her stomach.

“What are you…?”

“You know I’m not one for PDAs but I know how much you love New Year and I…”

She lowered herself onto one knee, taking Lisa’s hand.  Everyone gasped.

“Lisa, I love you so much.  I love our life and our family.  You’re everything to me.”

Carla watched on, a lump aching in her throat.

“Will you marry me?”

New Year’s Eve 2004

“Honestly, Lisa is great!” Michelle Connor assured Carla.  “Dee Dee has told me all about her and she sounds amazing.”

Carla looked sceptical.

“I just… I’m really not sure, especially now you’ve said she’s a copper.  I mean, me and a copper?  Really?  My brother’s inside for murder for goodness’ sake!  She’ll probably turn out to be responsible for locking him up!”

Michelle snorted.

“Her name doesn’t sound familiar,” she said.  “And I showed you her photo.  She’s bloody gorgeous, isn’t she?”

“Yeah,” Carla agreed.  “She is.  Those eyes…”

She smiled dreamily for a moment.

“But seriously… a copper?  And not just a copper – a bloody Detective!  Me?  And a Detective?”

“Just give her a chance, Carla,” Michelle said.  “You keep dating these ridiculous women.  Lisa could be a properly stable influence on you.  She’s gorgeous, good job, she’s got her own house.  She could be ‘the one’.”

Carla snorted.

“Whatever.”

Lisa was nervous as she and Dee Dee arrived at Michelle and Steve’s house for their New Year’s party.  Lisa had recently broken up with her girlfriend, Natasha, who had cheated on her.  To get her out of her slump, Dee Dee had plotted with her friend, Michelle, to set her up with her best friend, who she was keen to see happy with someone like Lisa.

“So, her name’s Carla, she’s a couple of years older than me, she runs her own business…” Lisa said, running through the details before they knocked on the door.

“She’s meant to be very funny, very charming and well, you saw her picture,” Dee Dee said.

“Yeah…” Lisa breathed.  “She’s gorgeous.”

Dee Dee noticed that her friend was blushing.  She was proud to have picked well.  They looked up as the front door opened.  Carla herself stood there, beaming at them.

“Hi,” the brunette said.  “You must be DS Swain.”

“Lisa’s fine,” the blonde told her.

Carla looked her up and down.

“Yes,” she said.  “Yes, she is.”

Dee Dee snorted.  Lisa blushed.

“Can I take your coat?” Carla asked, welcoming them inside.

“I mean, what am I?  Chopped liver?” the solicitor asked sarcastically.

“Michelle will sort you out,” Carla said, having met Dee Dee several times before.

Lisa was even more beautiful in person.  Her eyes were indeed mesmerising.  She helped her with her coat, hanging it up on the hook.

“Drink?” she offered.

Shaking her head, Dee Dee went off in search of Michelle and Steve.

“She works bloody fast!” she remarked.

“She’d just better not sneak off into one of the bedrooms!  She’s got her own flat upstairs!” Steve grumbled.

Despite her nerves, Lisa was having a lovely time.  Carla was even more beautiful in person than she had looked in her photo, if that was possible.  She was also incredibly charming.  She had been showering her with attention all evening.  It had been a long time since someone had made her feel like the most important person in the room.  Although she was aware that Carla most likely just wanted to get her into bed, she didn’t care.  The idea of getting into bed with Carla was definitely not unappealing.  She couldn’t help but let her gaze drift down to linger on her lips.  She wondered what it would feel like to kiss her.

“So, what made you want to be a Detective then?  Did you watch too many of those police dramas that are on TV all the time?” Carla teased.

Lisa chuckled.

“No, just the typical, following in my parents’ footsteps kind of thing,” she explained.  “They’re both police.  Both heading for retirement now.”

Carla nodded.

“They must be proud of you,” she said.

“I hope so,” Lisa said.  “I try. What about your parents?  What do they do?”

“My Mum’s the local bike and I don’t know who my Dad is,” Carla said bluntly.

Lisa looked startled.  Carla apologised.

“I believe in honesty.”

“Well, good,” Lisa said.  “Me too.”

“I think you’re gorgeous,” Carla told her, leaning in, her voice low.

Lisa felt Carla’s breath, hot against her mouth.  She fidgeted a little, as her body reacted to her close proximity.

“I think you’re gorgeous,” she replied, barely above a whisper.  “Distractingly so.  I keep thinking about all the things I’d like to do you.”

Carla smirked at her, leaning closer until there was no space between their mouths.  Their kiss started slow, gentle.  Carla’s hand rested on Lisa’s hip; Lisa’s on Carla’s shoulder.  They pulled each other in, their lips parting, passion building, tongues beginning to play.  Carla’s hand slipped so it was clutching Lisa’s backside.  She smirked, as she squeezed the denim, wondering when she might be able to get inside it.  She desperately wanted to get inside it.  They barely parted for the rest of the night.

Next time... in 2004/5, Carla and Lisa spend their first  night together but in present day, what will Lisa's answer be...?

Chapter Text

New Year’s Day 2005

“So, um… I live just upstairs…” Carla ventured, between kisses.

It was one in the morning.  2005 was officially here and every part of Carla was on fire.  She and Lisa had been flirting since Lisa had arrived and their lips had been occupied with each other for the best part of three hours.  Carla was fairly sure that if she didn’t get her mouth on other parts of Lisa soon then she might explode.

“We could… if you want…?” she said.  “I mean, no pressure.  But… if you wanted?”

Lisa’s beautiful eyes lit up.

“Let’s go,” she said, standing up.  She extended her hand, pulling Carla eagerly to her feet.  They hurried out the door without so much as saying goodbye to anyone.

Carla just about managed to get her key in the lock.  Lisa’s lips on her neck, her fingers slipping just inside the waistband of her jeans were more than a little distracting.

“Fuck,” she breathed, finally managing to get inside her own flat.

She closed the door behind them.  Lisa eagerly pinned her against the door, kissing her hard, running her fingers through her dark hair before expertly undoing the buttons of her tight black shirt, the one she had been mentally undoing all evening.  She stood back for a moment, gazing at Carla in her blue jeans, black bra and open, black shirt.

“You are beautiful,” she said, admiring her.

Carla smiled, uncharacteristically shy.  She shrugged the shirt off and unhooked her bra.  Lisa licked her lips as she took in Carla’s perfect body.  She stepped closer again, kissing her lips and then taking her nipples into her mouth, one at a time.  Carla could feel her underwear soaking at Lisa’s touch.  It was already damp, from their hours of kissing but the feeling of her tongue on her breasts, the preview of what that tongue was capable of was almost sending her crazy.

A filthy moan escaped her.  She didn’t even care to be embarrassed.  Lisa, with Carla’s left nipple between her lips, glanced up at her, a smirk on her face.  She sucked harder, making Carla moan again, still pressed up against the door.

Lisa, kissed her way down Carla’s taut tummy.  She too was growing wetter with every new touch, every new sight.  Carla was the most beautiful woman she had ever met.  It was an honour to be allowed to touch her. She sank onto her knees, making short work of her button and fly, sliding Carla’s jeans down her legs.  She removed her boots and socks and pulled her jeans off until she was left, gasping against her own front door in just her skimpy, lacy thong.

She kissed her thighs, burying her face between her legs.  For a moment, she just inhaled her.  She smiled at how hot, how wet she was.  It was an incredible turn on, to know what an effect she’d had on her.

“Wow,” she whispered, pushing the barely there material of the thong aside, exposing her to the air.

“Mmm…” Carla managed.  “You’ve had quite the effect on me.”

Lisa nudged her legs further apart, kissing her gently, feeling herself begin to flood at how wet Carla already was.  She ran her tongue through the length of her, opening her delicately.  Carla moaning, opening her legs a little wider.

“You’re so beautiful, Carla,” Lisa murmured against her.

She lifted one of Carla’s legs, resting it over her shoulder to give her more intimate access, eager to devour her.  Carla gripped Lisa’s blonde hair for want of anything else to hold onto, her breath coming in short, desperate gasps as Lisa brought her quickly to climax.

“Fuck!”

Lisa offered gentle, loving kisses to Carla’s swollen clit, as she came down, She sat back on her heels, allowing Carla to put her leg back down.  She wiped her mouth with her right hand, looking up at Carla with hooded lids.

“Fuck,” Carla said again, still breathless.

She reached down, pulling Lisa to her feet and kissing her hard, her tongue demanding entrance to her mouth.

“You are something else, do you know that DC Saucepot?” she asked.

Lisa giggled, allowing Carla to hold her close.

“Well, I see I’ve got my work cut out with you tonight,” Carla continued.  “Now, I need you in that bedroom, very naked so I can make you come very, very hard.  Does that sound okay?”

“Oh, that sounds very okay,” Lisa replied.  “Lead the way!”

Hours later, Lisa awoke, wrapped up in a tangle of bedsheets in Carla’s arms.  They had barely been to sleep all night, as their lovemaking had gone on for so many hours.  And it had been incredible.  Lisa had never been with anyone like Carla before, someone so attentive, so beautiful, so passionate.  She had indeed made her come very, very hard.  Multiple times.  And she hoped that she had done the same for Carla.  Unless Carla was faking, it seemed like she had.  She had certainly put the effort in anyway.  Not that it had been an effort.  Carla’s body was born to be worshipped.  She felt incredible and she tasted delicious.  They’d only stopped because they’d been physically too exhausted to continue.  Lisa hoped they would have another opportunity to be together again.

“Morning,” Carla said, beginning to come to.  “Oh, that was a good night.”

“Hmm… yeah, it really was,” Lisa agreed.

She tried not to give too much away.  She didn’t want to look like an idiot if Carla was just after a one night stand.

“I’m starving!  Are you hungry?”

Carla stretched.  Then she rolled onto her side, kissing Lisa gently on the mouth.  Lisa tried not to feel too encouraged.  She smiled.

“Yeah, I am, actually.”

“Fancy breakfast out?  Unless… I mean, are you trying to figure out how to get out of here without hurting my feelings?”

Lisa laughed self consciously.

“I was just wondering if you were trying to get rid of me without hurting my feelings!” she admitted.

“After last night?  Are you joking?  I’m not the brightest but I’m not an idiot.”

Carla grinned, making Lisa laugh.

“It’s um… it’s my birthday in a couple of days,” she ventured.  “My 30^th.  I’m getting some mates together for go for some drinks.  Do you want to come?”

Lisa was surprised.

“Well, happy birthday,” she said.  “I’d love to come.  Thank you.”

The two women smiled affectionately at each other.

“So, breakfast!” Carla said brightly.  “Do you have any preferences?”

New Year’s Day 2025

Lisa could feel everyone’s eyes on her, including Betsy’s, including Carla’s, including Becky’s.  Her heart was pounding.  She had no idea what to do.  She and Carla weren’t even divorced.  How could she accept a marriage proposal from someone else?  The truth was, she never wanted to divorce Carla.  It had never crossed her mind.  She never wanted to sever that tie between them, to end that connection of them being a family.  But how could she say no to Becky, who really did hate PDAs, when she had asked her in front of everyone?

“Well, don’t leave me hanging, Lise,” Becky begged, from where she was knelt in the lounge.

“Of course I’ll marry you,” Lisa said automatically.

She couldn’t say no.  She couldn’t break her heart.  She couldn’t reject her.  Even though, the truth was, she didn’t want to marry her.  She cared about Becky.  They’d been together for three years now.  They got on well.  They understood each other, especially with them both being police officers.  It was a connection that she and Carla could never have.  But she could never love Becky – or anyone – the way she loved Carla. Carla had stolen her heart the moment they met.  That’s just how it was.  She had tried so hard to get over her.  She had accepted that they would never be together again.  Carla didn’t want to be with her anymore.  She had broken up with her, broken her heart.  But it didn’t mean that she wouldn’t always be the love of her life.

The next half an hour was an overwhelming flurry of congratulations.  Betsy was the first.  She hugged her Mum and Becky before scuttling to her other mother’s side for the rest of the party.  Friends inundated the newly engaged couple with their best wishes.  It wasn’t until Carla and Peta decided to head home that Lisa got a chance to speak to her ex.

“We’re off,” Carla said, giving Lisa a brief hug.  “Congrats and everything.”

“Thanks,” Lisa said.

“I guess we’ll finally have to get divorced after all,” Carla said, shoving her hands in her pockets, forcing a smile.

Lisa sighed heavily.

“You’ll finally be free of me, eh?” Carla added.

“I never want to be free of you,” Lisa said honestly.

Carla forced a laugh and nodded.

“Well, no choice now,” she said.  “Romantic proposal.  All public.  On our anniversary and everything.  How apt.”

Lisa opened her mouth to reply but Carla merely nodded and headed for the door.

At her flat, Carla very quickly busied herself with getting her girlfriend into bed.  She was desperate for a distraction, any distraction from her broken heart.

“Fuck me,” Peta instructed, pulling Carla’s strap on out of the bedside drawer.

Carla nodded.  She fastened it together with the harness, applying lube to the shaft.  She looked down at Peta, who had positioned herself on all fours on the bed, eagerly awaiting her.  It suited her.  She knelt behind her, slipping inside her from behind.  She heard her moan, making noises that indicated that she was enjoying herself as she penetrated her.  But all Carla could think about was Lisa.

Lisa had hardly been able to concentrate during sex.  Her mind had been less on the fact that she’d just got engaged and more on how upset Carla seemed to be about it.

“What’s wrong?” Becky asked, as they settled down for sleep.  “I thought we’d both be on top of the world tonight.”

“Nothing’s wrong.  I was just a bit… taken aback.  I wasn’t expecting it.  That’s all.”

“But you are happy?”

“Of course,” Lisa lied.  “Of course I’m happy.”

“Good.  Me too.  I can’t wait until you’re my wife and the three of us can be a proper family.”

Lisa swallowed.  She couldn’t help but wonder if the proposal was less about their happiness and more about removing Carla from their family unit.

Next time... Lisa has regrets while back in 2005, she and Carla celebrate Carla's 30th birthday together...

Chapter Text

2^nd January 2005

“Oh, wow, you have got it bad!” Michelle remarked.  “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you like this before, Carla!”

Carla frowned, swatting her best friend away.

“I mean, look at you.  You’re blushing, you’re all cute when you talk about her, you’ve asked her to your birthday…”

“I want to sleep with her again, that’s all!” Carla protested.  “I told you.  She fucked me up against the door.  And then all night long.  Come on, Michelle.  As if I’m going to walk away from that!”

Michelle chuckled.

“Nah, I think it’s more than that.  Because you talked for ages before you rammed your tongue down her throat.”

Carla shook her head.

“I was just putting the groundwork in, that’s all.”

“I don’t believe you!” Michelle carried a sing-song voice, teasing her.

“Okay, fine, she’s amazing.  Are you happy?”

“Very!  What’s so amazing about her?”

“She fucked me up against the door!”

Carla blushed and ducked her head as the waiter brough over their lunch, his eyes rather wide.  They thanked him and continued talking.

“What’s actually so amazing about her?” Michelle asked.  “Apart from her sex skills?”

“She’s just so cute,” Carla said.  “She’s really clever and funny and so sweet and snuggly too.  You know, like afterwards, we just cuddled.  She slept with her head on my chest and you know I’m not really into that.  But with her, it just felt so right.  Is that really pathetic?  It’s pathetic, isn’t it?”

“No,” Michelle said.  “I think it’s lovely.”

“She’s really interesting to talk to as well,” Carla continued.  “I could gaze into her eyes for hours; they’re just so beautiful.  I adore her.  You’re right.  I can’t help it.  You chose well.”

Michelle looked proud.

“Well, I hope this is the start of something beautiful,” she said.

2^nd January 2025

“Well, why on earth did you say yes?” Dee Dee demanded.

She and Lisa were sat at a corner table in Roy’s Rolls.

“She asked me in front of everyone, Dee Dee,” Lisa hissed.  “What was a meant to say?  No?!”

“If that was how you felt!”

Lisa stared at her friend.

“If your boyfriend…”

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“If you had one.  If he asked you to marry him in front of an entire room full of people, you could embarrass him by saying no?  Really?”

“Better than breaking his heart later when I inevitably end up back together with my ex-wife,” Dee Dee remarked.

Lisa glared at her.

“Carla and I have been separated for eight years,” Lisa reminded her.  “We’re not getting back together.”

“And when was the last time you slept together…?  Remind me?”

Lisa cleared her throat and sipped her coffee.

“I’ve never cheated on Bex.  I wouldn’t.”

“That’s not what I asked,” Dee Dee said, a raised eyebrow.

“Well, when Bex and I had that break a year and a half ago, there was this one night…  I was upset and Carla… well, you know, she was trying to cheer me up.”

“Oh, I bet she was!” Dee Dee remarked.

Lisa laughed and shook her head.

“It was one night!” she said, waving a dismissive hand.

“Lisa, the pair of you never stopped sleeping together after you broke up.  You’ve both lost relationships because partners can’t deal with the competition.  You…”

She shook her head.  Lisa furrowed her brow.

“We what?” she demanded.

“You’re both still in love with each other,” Dee Dee finally said.  “It’s insane that you broke up in the first place.  If you’d both just stopped being so bloody stubborn then you could have worked things out.  You should have worked things out.  Don’t get me wrong, I like Becky.  She’s great.  But she’s not your soul mate.  Sorry.”

Lisa frowned, biting her lower lip.

“So, I should have said no?” she said.

“You should have said no,” Dee Dee confirmed.  “Carla was gutted.”

Lisa looked up sharply.

“Was she?”

“Of course she was!  Didn’t you see her?  I thought she was actually going to cry, Lisa!  It was your bloody anniversary, for starters.  Even Betsy noticed.  That why she didn’t leave her side for the rest of the party andwhy Carla left so quickly.”

“Look, if Carla wanted me…”

“There’s no ‘if’ but carry on…”

“Then she’s had plenty of time to let me know,” Lisa insisted.  “She ended things with me, remember?  I asked her repeatedly to give me another chance and she wasn’t interested.  She’s enjoyed just shagging me and not having to commit to me all the time.  It’s suited her roguish lifestyle.  It’s not my fault if she’s jealous that she doesn’t get to do that anymore.”

She folded her arms stubbornly.

“You know that’s not what it’s about, Lisa,” Dee Dee said.  “She’s been desperately in love with you from the moment she met you.”

Lisa sighed heavily.

“I hate the idea of hurting her,” she said.  “She’s everything to me.”

Dee Dee raised her eyebrows.

“I mean, not everything.  Not like that.  Oh, shut up, Dee Dee.”

Her friend merely laughed.

“Anyway, we’re here to finalise her birthday party, not attack me and my stupid decisions.”

3^rd January 2005

Lisa was nervous as she counted to three outside The Rovers Return, the pub that Carla had directed her to for her birthday drinks.  She and Carla had been texting constantly since New Year’s Day, often letting things get quite flirty.  Lisa had hardly been able to concentrate on anyone or anything else.  Carla was all consuming.  She had dragged Dee Dee round the shops, trying to find an appropriate birthday present for her, settling on some perfume, something expensive but not too expensive and a card.  It said, she hoped, ‘I like you, I’m romantically interested in you, but I am not in love with you.  Yet’.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door of the busy pub, immediately following the sound of Carla’s now familiar laughter.  She spotted her immediately, chatting animatedly with Michelle and a handful of others she recognised from the New Year party.

“Lisa!” Carla called, waving and smiling, the moment she saw her.

She slipped past her friends and approached the blonde, genuinely excited to see her.  Lisa smiled happily back.

“I’m so glad you came.”

“Thanks for inviting me.”

Carla leant in and kissed her, ignoring the wolf whistles from her friends.

“I got you this,” Lisa said, offering the gift bag.

Carla looked into the bag and smiled.

“You’re so lovely,” she told her, kissing her again.  “I wasn’t expecting a gift.  Thank you.  Come on.”

She took her by the hand and brought her over to the group.

Lisa had had a lovely evening.  Carla had been wonderful at including her all evening, making sure she felt welcome in this new group of friends.  Carla had invited Dee Dee too but she hadn’t been able to make it.  Knowing that Lisa might feel anxious amid a group of people she didn’t know well, Carla had remained by her side throughout, explained stories she wasn’t part of and regularly checked in with her.  Lisa appreciated the easy physical affection, her humour and flirting.  Everything about Carla, she adored.

“I’m having such a lovely birthday,” Carla said, sliding into a seat.

Lisa smiled affectionately at her.

“Your friends adore you.”

“I’m lucky.”

“I think it’s deserved,” Lisa said.  “You’re pretty adorable.”

Carla blushed, looking down at the table.

“Yeah?”

Lisa tilted Carla’s chin back up.

“Yeah,” she said softly.

She leant in and kissed her.  The kiss immediately developed.  Carla’s hand rested on Lisa’s thigh, her thumb stroking higher and higher.  Lisa moaned, wrapping her arms around Carla’s neck, pulling her closer.

“Can I take you to bed again tonight?” Carla asked.

“Yes, please,” Lisa breathed.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the other night.”

“Me neither.  Nobody’s ever made me come like that before.  So loudly.  So many times.”

Carla couldn’t help but smile.  She kissed Lisa harder.  She wanted to take her right there, in the middle of the pub.

“I loved it,” she said.  “You’re amazing.  You drove me wild.  DC Saucepot, indeed.”

Lisa giggled.

“Is that really my nickname now?”

Carla grinned and pulled out her phone.  She pulled up her contact list and showed her that she had in fact saved her number under ‘DC Saucepot’.  Lisa laughed and kissed her.

“You’ll be asking me to dig my old uniform out next,” she remarked.

Carla’s eyes widened.

“Is that an option because…?”

She smirked.

“I thought you didn’t like the police!” Lisa laughed.

“Well, you’ve given me a new perspective.  What can I say?” Carla replied.

“You’re such a pickle,” Lisa giggled, leaning into her embrace.

Carla put her arm around her, kissing the top of her head.  She wondered what on earth was happening to her.  How had she met this beautiful, sexy, adorable woman who simultaneously set her on fire and made her feel snuggly and protective?  All she really knew was that she wanted to spend as much time with her as she possibly could.  She wanted to learn everything about her.

3^rd January 2025

Lisa was just pulling into the car park of the supermarket when her phone beeped.  She smiled when she saw Carla’s name on screen.  Then she frowned.

Hey.  Look, I know you guys are arranging a get together for my birthday.  And I know I’ve left this a bit late so if you’ve paid for anything you can’t get refunded, I’ve cover it.  But I’m just not really in the mood.  Sorry.

Lisa’s heart sank.  She hadn’t even signed off in her usual affectionate way.  She immediately phoned her but Carla didn’t answer.  She put her phone down and restarted the car, driving straight to Carla’s office instead.

Next time... tensions rise between Carla and Lisa...

Chapter Text

3^rd January 2025

Lisa threaded her way past the machinists of Underworld and towards Carla’s office.  She was disappointed to find her ex-wife not at her desk.  Only her second in command, Sarah Platt there instead.

“Hi, Lisa,” Sarah greeted warmly.  “How are you?”

“I’m fine.  Is Carla not around?”

“Um, no.  She decided to work from home today.”

Lisa thanked her and headed back out.

Carla was lounging on the sofa in her pyjamas when the buzzer went.  She was contemplating ignoring it when she heard the downstairs door open and familiar footsteps on the stair.

“Why bother fucking buzzing if you’re just going to barge in anyway?” she muttered to herself.

Within moments, the door was open and her ex-wife was standing in the lounge, looking distinctly unimpressed.

“Well?” Lisa demanded.

“Well, what?” Carla replied, barely glancing up from the television.

Irritated, Lisa grabbed the remote and turned the TV off.  Carla protested.

“We’ve been planning your 50^th for bloody ages!”

“Well, have it without me then if it’s that important,” Carla said, remaining snuggled under the blanket.

“Carla!”

Carla sat up, the blanket falling to her waist.

“I’m not in the mood for a fucking party, okay?”

“Well, there’s a phrase you’ve never said in your fucking life!”

The two women glared at each other for a moment before Lisa came to sit next to her.

“Betsy’s really looking forward to celebrating with you,” she said gently.  “She’s been using spreadsheets and everything.”

“I really just… don’t want to.  I’m sorry.  I’ll take her out somewhere another time.”

She grabbed her blanket and lay back down.

“Carla, please?” Lisa cried, moving to crouch in front of her.  “Are you ill or something?”

“No!  I’m not bloody ill.  Lisa, just go away, will you?  Go back to your fiancée.  Use the bloody spreadsheets to organise your bloody wedding.”

Lisa sat down heavily on the floor.

“Right.”

“What?” Carla asked sharply.

“You’re pissed off with me.”

“No, I’m not,” Carla lied.

“Because of the proposal.”

“No.”

“Carla, I didn’t know Becky was going to do that.”

“You still said yes.”
“What was I meant to do?”

“Nothing.  She’s the love of your life, isn’t she?  Why wouldn’t you want to marry her?”

Lisa let out an awkward exhale and looked away.

“So, I’ll expect divorce papers in the post, shall I?”

Lisa looked down at the floor.

“I don’t want to divorce you,” she said quietly.

“What?” Carla asked sharply.

“Nothing.”

“What did you say?” Carla demanded.

“I said, why are you being such a brat?” Lisa lied.  “You and I have been over for ages.”

“Not that long.”

“Eight years, Carla.”

“Yeah,” Carla scoffed.  “Let’s call it eight years.”

“Well, that’s when you walked out of me, telling me I was the worst wife in history.”

Carla jumped up suddenly, making Lisa pull back in shock.

“That’s not what happened and not what I said,” Carla snapped, beginning to pace.  “And it wasn’t eight years ago that you were last screaming my name in ecstasy while I had my head between your legs either, tongue wrapped around your clit.  I bent you right over this very sofa, in fact.  Bet you didn’t tell your betrothed about that little incident.  We even fucked the night before you met her as well, if I recall.  Three years ago.  Now that was a particularly good night.  Do you remember that one?”

“Alright!  You’ve made your point.”

“Have I?  I don’t know if I know what my point was.”

“We didn’t end eight years ago.”

“Is it as good with her as it is with me?” Carla asked.

Lisa swallowed, still sat on the floor.

“It’s… different,” she tried.

“Different better or different worse?”

“Carla, it’d be pretty hard to find something better than me and you, wouldn’t it?  There.  Are you happy?” Lisa snapped.

“Ecstatic,” Carla said, throwing herself back onto the sofa.

She rubbed her temples.  Lisa moved into a kneeling position, tentatively resting her hand on Carla’s thigh.

“Look, Carla, you… you’re the one who ended things.  You’re the one who repeatedly told me ‘no’ when I begged for another chance.  And fine, no, I don’t really want to marry Bex.  But she’s nice and she loves me and she actually wants to be with me so why not?  You don’t want me.  You don’t actually love me.”

“I don’t lov…?  Are you joking, Lisa?”

“No!  I’m not joking, Carla!” Lisa snapped, snatching her hand away.  “You’ve had a cosy little set up, until I met Becky.  You got the family, the sex, no commitment.  Brilliant.  You could sleep with me and then walk right back out the door.”

“Yeah and it’s broken my heart.”

“You’ve had a funny way of showing it,” Lisa said quietly.

She stood up.

“I can’t believe that’s what you’ve thought all this time,” Carla said, also standing up.  “You know exactly why I left.  Don’t stand there and tell me that I’m the one who destroyed our marriage Lisa.”

“I know I was at fault.  But I spent years trying to get things back on track.  All you wanted from me after we split was sex.”

“You haven’t got a bloody clue, Lisa,” Carla said, shaking her head.  “Not a clue.”

“Fine,” Lisa said, moving to push past her.  “Well, great.  Party’s cancelled.  Why don’t you just call one of your million hook ups instead.  Maybe one of the twenty year olds to make you forget you’re fifty.  Oh, happy birthday, by the way.”

She was almost at the door, tears threatening to spill when Carla grabbed her arm and pulled her back, also with tears in her eyes.  The two women stared at each other for a moment.  Before they could stop themselves, before sense kicked in, their lips were crashing together.  Carla nudged Lisa backwards until they tumbled back, over the arm of the sofa together, clawing at each other’s clothes.  Carla pushed Lisa’s t-shirt up, kissing her tummy, palming her breasts over her bra.  She toyed with her piercing, the one she’d got for her thirtieth birthday.  Hurriedly, she unzipped Lisa’s jeans, easing her hand inside her underwear, moaning when she felt how wet she already was.  Lisa easily found Carla’s throbbing clit inside her baggy pyjama bottoms, mouths devouring each other.  They never broke eye contact, breathing heavy as they brought each other to climax quicker than they ever usually would.

Carla collapsed onto Lisa, as they orgasmed in sync, both breathless.  She buried her lips against Lisa’s neck, extracting her fingers.  Lisa withdrew her own fingers, holding Carla close.

“Sorry,” Carla whispered eventually, lips pressed against Lisa’s neck.

“No.  I’m sorry.  I’ve fucked this all up.  I’ve upset you and now I’ve…”

Tears stung her eyes.

“Now I’ve cheated on Bex and I…”

Carla kissed the tip of her nose, her usual charming smile already back in place.

“It’s okay,” she said softly.  “You didn’t cheat.  This… this was just… getting tension out of our system.  So that… so that you and Becky could go and live happy lives together.”

Lisa looked startled and sad.

“I thought you didn’t want me to…?”

“I want you to be happy,” Carla said softly.  “And I’m never going to make you happy, Sauce.  I just fuck everything up, don’t I?  Everything.  But please don’t think I don’t love you.  I love you so much, my darling.  This whole thing… it’s never been about sex.  Not just about sex.  It’s been about not being able to let you go.  But I need to.  I need to let you go and be happy.  And Becky can make you happy in a way I can’t.  In a way I wish I could.”

She brushed the tears from Lisa’s eyes.

“Do I tell her about…?”

“No,” Carla told her.  “Like I said.  This didn’t happen.”

She kissed her tenderly on the lips.  They couldn’t help but get a little carried away.

“What about the party?” Lisa asked hopefully.

“Okay!” Carla gave in with a soft chuckle.  “We’ll do the party.  For Betsy’s sake.  And to keep things normal.  And I’ll stop sulking about the wedding.”

Next time... in 2005, Carla and Lisa make plans and in 2025, they celebrate Carla's 50th birthday...

Chapter Text

1^st September 2005

Carla and Lisa walked back to Lisa’s house hand in hand.  They had been together for eight months and everything so far, had been going well.  They’d even survived going on holiday together, a big first test in any relationship.  They’d spent a beautiful week in Corfu together and enjoyed nothing but beautiful sunshine, swimming and lashings of Ouzo.

“I am knackered,” Lisa admitted, allowing Carla to tuck her under her arm.

She had had a long day at work, following by a well earned drink at The Rovers.

“Well, I will run you a nice bath and then I’ll give your feet a rub,” Carla offered.  “You’ve been on them all day.”

“You’re too good to me,” Lisa cooed.

“That’s if you want me to come back with you,” Carla said, pausing mid-step.  “I can always just go home if you want a bit of time to yourself.”

Lisa turned to look at her, gazing into her eyes.

“I always want to spend time with you, Pickle,” she said honestly.

Carla beamed at her.  Lisa reached out and stroked Carla’s face.

“Especially if you rub my feet and run me a bath.”

“Ha!” Carla chuckled.  “I’ll do that for you every night if you like!”

“Okay!” Lisa said.  “You can move in then!”

Carla laughed a little nervously.  Lisa stopped walking again.  She looked at Carla.

“Move in with me,” she said more seriously.

Carla stared at her, trying to work out if she meant it.

“Well?”

“Are you serious?”

“If your answer is yes, then absolutely.  If it’s no, then I was joking.”

She flashed her most charming smile.  Carla beamed back at her.

“Of course I’ll move in with you,” Carla said.

“Really?”

“Of course!  Lisa, I love you so much.  I want to be around you all the time.  I miss you when we’re not together.”

Lisa couldn’t stop smiling.  They kissed in the middle of the pavement.

“Well, let’s get you home then,” Lisa smirked.  “Christen the place.”

“I mean, it’s a bit late for that.  Is there anywhere in your house we haven’t done it already?” Carla giggled.

“Our house!” Lisa corrected her.  “I don’t know.  Let’s find out!”

She hurriedly took her girlfriend’s hand and led her home.

Carla cried out loudly as she climaxed, pressed against the wall of the separate toilet, the only place she and Lisa had found that they hadn’t yet had sex.  She and Lisa fell against each other.  Lisa eased the strap-on out and stepped out of the harness, placing it on the closed lid of the toilet.  She moved to take Carla in her arms.  Carla wrapped herself around Lisa, burying her face in her blonde hair, breathing in her shampoo.

“I love you,” she said quietly.  “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Lisa replied.  “You’re the love of my life.”

3^rd January 2025

Lisa felt incredibly guilty.  She had never cheated on anyone in her entire life.  How had she reached forty eight years old and found herself engaged to one woman only to have sex with her ex a couple of days later?  It wasn’t like her at all.  And Carla had been so lovely about it.  She had given her an out.  She had excused her atrocious behaviour.  Because that was Carla.  She always wanted to make everything better for her, all the time.  She was even coming to the party when she clearly didn’t want to.

“What’s wrong with you?” Becky asked.  “You seem really distracted.”

“Oh, I just really want this party to go well,” Lisa lied.  “You know, for Betsy.  She’s been planning it for ages.”

“You’re not regretting anything?”

“Like what?” Lisa asked anxiously.

“The engagement?”

Becky stared at her, clearly seeking reassurance.

“Of course not.  I want us to be happy together,” Lisa said.

She hugged her tightly, kissing her cheek.

“Happy birthday, Mum!” Betsy yelled, the moment Carla arrived at the house.

It was the second party in three days; the last Lisa was planning for quite a while.  Everyone else chorused their congratulations, as Carla and Peta arrived at the party.  Carla immediately sought out Lisa, who gazed at her, full of love and sadness.  Lisa busied herself with serving drinks and snacks, chatting to Becky and various party guests.  She always kept one eye on Carla.

It was over an hour later before Carla eventually made her way over.

“Thanks for the party,” Carla said by way of greeting.

“Happy birthday,” Lisa said, clinking their glasses together.

“I mean, you already wished me happy birthday earlier,” Carla smirked, nudging her with her hip.

She was clearly back to her old self.  Lisa blushed.

“Carla, don’t…”

Carla apologised.

“I won’t mention it again,” she promised.  “I just couldn’t resist a little joke.  It is my birthday, after all.”

Lisa chuckled.

“I’ll let you have it.”

“And you did.”

“Carla!” Lisa scolded.

Carla grinned.  She pulled Lisa into a tight hug.

“I love you, Sauce,” she said.  “And I only want the best for you.  Let’s just draw a line under everything today, okay?”

“Thanks, Pickle,” Lisa replied, face buried against her shoulder.  “I love you too.”

Although she couldn’t hear them, Becky watched with jealousy, at their easy physical affection.

13^th March 2005

Carla sat in a booth in The Rovers, her arm slung lazily around Lisa’s shoulders.  They were happily sharing a bottle of wine.  Around them, sat their friends, Michelle, Steve, Dee Dee and Paula.  Carla enjoyed the way Lisa nestled against her, like this was where she was always meant to be, like they were two pieces of a jigsaw that fit perfectly together.

“Oh, look at you two,” Dee Dee cooed.  “Too cute.”

Lisa blushed, snuggling tighter against Carla, who kissed the top of her head.

“Sickening, really,” Paula said.

“Oh, you’re just jealous,” Dee Dee scolded her friend.

“Completely!” Paula admitted.  “Why didn’t you set me up with Carla?”

Everyone laughed, including the couple, although Lisa wasn’t sure her friend was joking.  She didn’t feel threatened though.  She and Carla had been together for two and a half months now and she felt like there was genuine commitment there.  She adored Carla and Carla had never made her feel anything less than special.

“Honestly, I never thought I’d see the day when I was sat opposite Carla snuggling!  Since when does Carla Connor snuggle!” Michelle teased.

“Do you have to say it like that?” Carla protested.  “We’re just having a cuddle.  If you had a girlfriend as lovely as Lisa, you’d cuddle her every second you could as well.”

Lisa blushed.  She hoped she wasn’t pushing Carla out of her comfort zone by cuddling up to her.  It was how they sat on the sofa at Carla’s flat or at her house.  It just felt natural, here.  She moved to sit away from her but Carla held her close.

“Please don’t move away,” Carla whispered.  “Well, not unless you want to.”

They smiled lovingly at each other.

“I don’t want to,” Lisa admitted.

They kissed.

“Do you guys need a room?” Michelle teased.

3^rd January 2025

Carla thanked everyone for the party, making a particular fuss of Betsy and a quiet fuss of Lisa.  She took Peta home with her, glancing at the sofa where she and Lisa had had their moment earlier in the day.  Her heart lurched at the memory, at the grief that it had been so brief, so rushed and would probably be the last time.  She knew she had to accept that Lisa had moved on.  They were getting divorced and Lisa was going to marry Becky.

“Ready for a birthday shag?” Peta asked eagerly.  “I’ll do anything you want.  You don’t turn fifty every day, after all.”

“Yeah,” Carla said, trying to muster some enthusiasm.  “Sounds great.”

“What do you want?”

“Just… go down on me.”

Peta nodded, leading her into the bedroom.  She guided her onto the bed, removing her jeans and underwear.  Carla lay back and closed her eyes on her tears, mind full of Lisa and everything she had lost, barely registering Peta as she set to work.

Next time... in 2005, Carla and Lisa go on their first official date and in 2015, Lisa is promoted to DS...

Chapter Text

7^th January 2005

Carla was more nervous than she ever expected to be, as she pulled up in her taxi, outside Lisa’s house.  It was a week after first meeting Lisa and they were going on their first official date.  It felt strange to be going on a proper date, having been sleeping together all week.  They already knew each other intimately.  But they hadn’t labelled anything.  So, last night, Carla had formally asked Lisa out.

“I’ll just be a sec,” she told the cab driver.

He nodded and she climbed out of the car, knocking of the front door of the address Lisa had given her.  So far, they had only hung out at Carla’s flat.  She hadn’t visited Lisa before.

“Hi,” Lisa said, opening the door immediately.

She looked breathtaking, in smart, black jeans and a white top.  Her blonde hair hung loose around her shoulders.  She wore a leather jacket.

“Hi,” Carla said, gazing at her.  “You look amazing.”

Lisa blushed in that way that Carla was beginning to fall in love with.

“Oh, these are for you,” Carla said, presenting her with a dozen red roses.  She genuinely wondered what she was becoming.  She was a casual dater, not this.  But Lisa was turning her into a romantic.

“Oh, they’re so beautiful!  Thank you!” Lisa gushed.

“I got them in water so you can just leave them and deal with them later,” Carla explained.  “I didn’t want them to be a pain.”

Lisa smiled affectionately at her.

“You’re so lovely,” she said.  “Thank you.”

She put them on the side, checked she had her keys, phone and purse and left the house.  Carla opened the car door for her and then walked round to the other side of the car to get in herself.

“So, tell me about you,” Lisa said.  “Do you have any big loves or terrible dating disasters?”

Carla sipped her wine.

“I thought talking about exes on a date was a big no-no?” she said.

“Well, I’d like to know all about you,” Lisa said, gazing at her with her big, expressive eyes.

Carla smiled.

“Well, no dating disasters, really.  I’ve had girlfriends.  But only really casual.  Nothing really serious.  Nothing especially good or bad.  I came bounding out the closet when I was eighteen and I guess I’ve just kind of flitted from person to person since then,” Carla said.  “I’ve never met anyone, until now, that’s made me want to get into anything serious.”

“Until now?”

“Yeah,” Carla said shyly.

“And what is it that you want now?”

“You.”

They both refused to break eye contact.  Neither knew how to explain.  Finally, Carla spoke.

“I think you’re incredible,” she said earnestly.  “From the moment I met you, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.  You’re beautiful.  And you’re lovely.  You make me laugh.  You make me happy.  And you’re amazing in bed.”

Lisa laughed.

“I just want to be around you all the time, Lisa,” Carla said.  “And honestly, I’ve never felt that before.  I mean, you probably have but…”

“Not like this,” Lisa admitted.

Carla’s eyes lit up hopefully.

“I’ve had relationships.  When I was at Uni, I was in a relationship with a girl pretty much the whole time.  I thought that was it.  The one.  And until recently, I was dating someone.  I thought we were happy until I discovered she was cheating on me.”

“What kind of moron would cheat on you?” Carla exclaimed.

“See?  You make me feel so special, Carla.”

“You are special, DC Saucepot,” Carla told her.

Lisa beamed at her.

“This feeling… it’s different to anything I’ve ever experience before.  It makes me think that anything I’ve ever felt before, was just practice… for the real thing.  I think you’re going to be the biggest part of my story, Carla and I’m really excited to see where it goes.”

That night, Lisa invited Carla back to her house.  She happily arranged her roses in a vase.  She couldn’t remember the last time someone had bought her flowers.  And they weren’t cheap flowers either.  Carla had gone to so much effort.  The roses.  The cab.  The meal that she hadn’t let Lisa contribute to.  Everything had been so perfect.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you but I definitely owe Dee Dee a bottle of wine or something for setting us up,” Lisa said.

The couple were sat on the sofa together, holding hands.

“Yeah, I need to thank Michelle properly.  I wasn’t very grateful at the time because I was worried about you being a copper.”

“What was the issue?” Lisa wondered.  “You never actually explained.”

Carla let out an awkward breath.

“My brother’s in prison,” she explained.  “For murder.”

“Okay.”

Carla glanced anxiously at her.

“That’s not a problem?”

“Well, you didn’t do it, did you?”

“No, but…”

“Carla, I’m not a judgemental person,” Lisa assured her.  “Everyone has baggage.  I’m not going to run from you because of your family.”

Carla smiled.  She leaned in and kissed her.

“You really are perfect,” she whispered.

She trailed kisses down to her throat.  She hands glided over her tummy.  Lisa smiled, leaning back against the couch cushions.  She allowed Carla to remove her top, leaving her in her bra and jeans.  Carla kissed her cleavage and down to waistband.  Lisa couldn’t help but smile.  She felt Carla tongue swipe across her skin, which tingled in its wake.  She reached out and made short work of Carla’s top, quickly releasing her from her bra also.  She captured her nipples, one at a time in her mouth.

“Do you want to see my bedroom?” she asked.

Carla nodded, allowing herself to be guided to her feet and led upstairs.

Carla and Lisa both collapsed in each other’s arms, glistening with perspiration and breathing hard.  They wrapped their arms around each other, hearts pounding.  They kissed passionately.

“You’re so amazing,” Carla said.

“Thank you for such an amazing date,” Lisa breathed.  “I’ve had such a good time.”

“Me too,” Carla told her.  “Thank you.  I hope you’ll see me again?”

“Of course I will,” Lisa said gently.  “I’ll plan the next one.”

“You don’t have to…”

“I want to.  I want to treat you.”

12^th April 2015

Carla was sat home alone.  Seven year old Betsy was tucked up in bed, having been read no less than four bedtime stories.  Carla had expected her wife home hours ago.  She had made dinner for them both for after Betsy had gone to bed but, not for the first time, Lisa had messaged to say she would be late.  So now, Carla was nearly an entire bottle of wine down and feeling exceptionally sorry for herself.  These evenings were becoming regular occurrences.

She looked up when the front door opened.  Her exhausted but still beautiful wife walked through the door in her work trousers and crisp, striped shirt, one of Carla’s favourites, as it accentuated the curve of her chest.

“Hi,” Lisa said, finding Carla in the lounge, stretched out on the sofa, flicking idly through the channels on the sofa.

Getting no reply, she came to sit in the armchair opposite.

“I’m sorry I’m late.”

“Again,” Carla said flatly.

“I’m sorry I’m late again.”

“Your dinner’s in the oven.  I already ate.”

Lisa studied her wife’s face, usually so full of life and mischief.  Now, she just looked sad.  She came to kneel in front of her.

“Darling, I’m sorry,” she said.  “I’m really sorry.  I know I keep doing this.  It’s just…”

“Work.  I know.  You’re a DS now.  Billy Big Bollocks.”

“No,” Lisa sighed.

She had recently been promoted.

“Well, I just… I need to keep up, I guess.  I need to prove they haven’t made a mistake by promoting me.”

“They haven’t.  You’re amazing.”

Carla gazed lovingly at Lisa, tears in her eyes.

“I just… miss you,” she admitted.  “You’re never here.  You break all your promises all the time.  I feel like I’m losing you, Lisa.”

“You’re not losing me,” Lisa said quickly, fighting her own tears.  “You could never lose me, Pickle.  I love you so much.  I’m so sorry I haven’t been here.  I’ve been up my own arse, obsessed with my own stuff and I’ve not been there for you or for Betsy.  I’m sorry, darling.  Please forgive me.  I’ll do better.  I will.  Let me fix this.”

She leant in, kissing Carla softly on the lips, their tears mingling.

“Please?” she asked.

Carla nodded, pulling her in closer and kissing her harder.

“Do you want your dinner?” she asked.

Lisa shook her head.  She swiftly removed Carla’s t-shirt, pleased when she realised she wasn’t wearing a bra.  She stroked her way down to her breasts, teasing them both.  Carla tangled her fingers in Lisa’s hair, as she lowered her lips to kiss Carla’s eager nipples.  Carla lay back on the sofa, her eyes closed as Lisa played with her.  She knew she shouldn’t let Lisa sweet talk her with sex but it was hard not to enjoy her mouth and her hands, which trailed further south, slipping inside her joggers, inside the pair of Lisa’s boxers she’d thrown on to sulk in.

“Have I mentioned I love it when you wear my underwear?” Lisa purred, her fingers roaming, her wet mouth still occupied with Carla’s hardened nipples.

Carla smiled to herself.  She licked and kissed her way down Carla’s tummy.  She removed her hand from Carla’s wet folds to remove her remaining clothes.  Shifting from the floor to settle between Carla’s legs on the sofa, she cast a wicked glance at Carla, breathless and excited on the couch, although still annoyed with herself for being so easy to persuade.  She kissed her way up Carla’s legs until she reached her centre, tongue and lips eager to please.

Carla closed her eyes again, giving into everything Lisa was offering.  She moaned loudly as Lisa opened and explored her, teased and tormented her, bringing her tantalisingly slowly to an explosive climax, right there on the sofa.

Lisa came to lie atop her, kissing her hard.  Carla wrapped her arms tightly around her.

“I love you,” Lisa whispered.

“I love you,” Carla whispered back.

“I really am sorry, Pickle.”

They both jumped when they heard the patter of seven year old feet on the stairs.

“Shit!” they giggled, grabbing a blanket from the back of the sofa in a bid to cover Carla up.

“Mummy!  You’re home!” Betsy said, delighted to see Lisa.

“Yep!  I’m home, darling,” Lisa said, slipping off the sofa to greet her daughter.

Carla remained under the blanket.

“I missed you,” Betsy said.

“I missed you too, darling,” Lisa said, scooping Betsy up into a cuddle.  “And I missed Mummy.  But I’m home now.  And you should be in bed.”

“Can you read me a story?”

“Um… I read you four stories, young lady,” Carla called from the sofa.

“And Mummy hasn’t read me any today,” Betsy pointed out, hands on her hips.  “Or yesterday.”

Lisa felt a pang of guilt but she force a chuckle.

“Fine, Mummy can read you one story, while I make her some dinner,” Carla said.  “She’s had a very long day, Bets.”

The little blonde girl nodded, taking Lisa’s hand and led her upstairs.  Carla sighed, watching them go.  She sank back on the sofa, wondering if this time, Lisa would keep her promise and control her hours, stop letting them down.  She threw her clothes back on and headed into the kitchen to sort out some dinner for her wife.

Next time... in 2014, Carla and Lisa are weighed down by wedding plans and in present day, two couples get caught up in an argument...

Chapter Text

7^th January 2025

January was always a strange month for Lisa.  New Year was when she met Carla.  Years later, they’d got married.  It was Carla’s birthday on the 3^rd.  They had their first official, amazing date on the 7^th.  It was a lot, all in one week.  And when they had been together, it was a magical time.  It was a beautiful start to the year.  But since they had split up, it meant the year always started with a pain in Lisa’s heart.  And since she had started dating Becky, she’d had to cover that pain with a plaster and pretend it didn’t matter.

So, sitting across the table at The Bistro with Becky on her anniversary with Carla, planning a wedding she didn’t want, wasn’t exactly what she wanted to spend her evening doing.

“Hello, hello!”

Lisa swallowed, as Carla and Peta approached their table.  Carla looked as beautiful as she always did.  Long, dark hair, perfectly sculpted cheekbones, wide smile, sparkling eyes.

“Hi,” she greeted.

Becky and Peta exchanged pleasantries.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Carla said.

“We’re just doing some wedding planning,” Becky told her.

She sounded possessive.  Everyone knew it, including her.

“That’s quick.”

“No time like the present.”

“Well, we should probably crack on with getting divorced then, I suppose,” Carla said to Lisa.

“I wish you would,” Becky said honestly.

“Well, let’s talk about it,” Carla said.  “Maybe over dinner or something?”

Lisa nodded.  Becky rolled her eyes.

“Can we get on with eating?” Peta said.  “I’m starving.”

“Yeah, sure,” Carla said.

They headed over to their own table nearby.

“Why do you need to have dinner to discuss a divorce?” Becky snapped.  “Most people just do it through solicitors or the post.”

“Becky, I can’t keep having this conversation with you.  Separated, divorced, whatever, Carla and I are always going to be friends.  We’re always going to be parents to Betsy.  We’re always going to be in each other’s lives.”

“Why don’t you ask you to walk you down the fucking aisle?” Becky muttered.

They looked up when Carla approached their table awkwardly.

“Waitress offered for us to join you,” she said.  “As we’re mates.  Don’t have to, obviously.  If you’re busy wedding planning.  But I didn’t want to say ‘no’ outright.  Felt rude.”

She glanced between the couple, her eyes settling on Lisa’s beautiful face.  She wondered if there would ever be a day when her heart didn’t do a little flip every time she saw her.

“Bex?” Lisa nudged.

“Sure.  Fine.  Whatever,” Becky said tiredly.

“Mate, you’re so welcoming,” Carla remarked, waving Peta over.

She sat down beside Lisa, smiling as platonically as she could at her.

“So, are you going to be as big a Bridezilla at this wedding as you were at ours?” she asked, nudging her with her shoulder.

Lisa looked outraged.

“I was not!”

“Oh, you were a bloody nightmare!” Carla laughed.  “I was scared I was marrying a monster!”

Lisa shook her head.

“You are completely exaggerating,” she insisted.

“Nope.  You got bent out of shape about flowers, outfits, venues, timings, guests, seating… bloody chair covers.  Chair covers!”

“Well, our wedding is going to be a lot more relaxed than that,” Becky interrupted.  “Lisa doesn’t care about any of those things, do you, darling?”

“No, I don’t.”

“And it’s going to be very small.  Just really close family.”

“Am I invited?”

“No,” Becky said, as the same time as Lisa said, “Of course!”

The couple looked at each other.  Lisa was livid.

“Of course you’re invited, Carla,” Lisa said.  “You’re my best friend.”

“She’s your ex wife,” Becky reminded her.  “Don’t you think that’s a bit odd?  To invite your ex-wife to your wedding?”

“Only if I stand in the wrong place,” Carla grinned.

“Do you even want to go?” Peta asked.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Carla asked, looking around for the waitress to take their drinks order.

Aware that Carla was desperate for wine and feeling distinctly uncomfortable, Lisa tipped some of hers into her glass.  Carla smiled gratefully and gulped down several mouthfuls.  Becky and Peta both watched, wondering if they would ever penetrate their connection.

“Well, like Becky says, this is your ex-wife.”

“And best mate,” Carla added.

“Do you want to watch her marrying someone else?”

“I want her to be happy,” Carla said.

“Also… weddings?  Marriages?  The conformity to the patriarchal society?”

Lisa rolled her eyes and swigged her own wine.

“Don’t roll your eyes!” Peta snapped.  “It’s important!  I mean, I suppose you’d never get it.  Your whole world is the old boys’ club.”

“Right.  And you’d know nothing about working in a male dominated environment, as a cab driver.”

“I challenge stereotypes!”

“What do you think I’m doing?” Lisa snapped.

Carla held Lisa’s hand carefully under the table, where nobody else could see.

“You’re doing nothing.  Nothing changes.  Nothing gets better.  Not crimes rates.  Not violence against women.  Not police brutality.  None of it.  You’re achieving fuck all, Lisa.”

“Alright!” Carla interrupted before Lisa exploded.  “You can’t speak to her like that.  I won’t let you.”

“Of course you won’t,” Becky drawled, having been gulping down her own wine, listening to the conversation.  “Always Lisa’s fucking protector.”

Carla ignored her.

“Lisa is amazing at her job, Peta.  You can be as political as you like.  I don’t care.  Honestly, I tune out, half the time.”

Her girlfriend looked outraged.

“But don’t come for Lisa.  She keeps the streets safe so that you can say and do everything you want to.  She might not stand around and yell about it like you do but she literally does protect women.  It’s her job.  And she takes it incredibly seriously.  She would have got an award for it a few years ago, actually, but she turned it down.”

Peta glared at her.  So did Becky.  Lisa kept hold of her hand, subtly under the table.  Carla cleared her throat and finished her wine.

“Don’t speak to me like that,” Peta eventually said.  “Honestly, I don’t know why I agreed to go out with you again when it’s so bloody obvious you’re still in love with her.”

Carla sighed.

“And you,” Peta said, rounding on Lisa.  “Why the hell have you agreed to marry her when you’ve clearly never got over Carla?  And what the hell is wrong with you?”

She turned to Becky.

“You know this as well as I do.  At least I’ve mostly just been in this for the sex.  Because let’s face it, Carla, you’re bloody amazing in bed.  Isn’t she, Lisa?”

Lisa coloured, memories more recent than they ought to be, flashing through her mind.

“But you’re trying to build a foundation on something that isn’t there.  Marriage and kids and a house and what?  You think they’re not always going to end up going back to each other?  They’re holding hands right now for fuck’s sake!”

Carla and Lisa immediately let go of each other, guiltily.  Becky’s eyes narrowed.  Peta stood up.

“Sorry, Carla, but I’m done,” she said.  “I’m just so bored of your mind being with her all the damn time.  You said it’d be different this time but it isn’t.  It’s never different.”

She turned back to Becky.

“If I was you, I’d do the same thing.”

She left.  The waitress finally turned up.

“Are you ready to order?”

1^st December 2014

“Hey!” Carla interrupted.

Lisa abruptly stopped her ramble, which had most definitely become an anxious rant.  She felt Carla’s hands on her shoulders, gazed back into her eyes.

“Sauce,” Carla coaxed gently.  “Relax, okay?  Everything is going to be fine.”

“But nothing is finished and we’ve only got a few weeks until the wedding and…”

“Everything is going to be fine,” Carla assured her.  “Honestly, I wouldn’t have proposed if I’d have known it was going to turn you into a crazy woman!”

Lisa’s face crumpled.  Genuinely tears sprang from her eyes.

“You don’t want to marry me?” she asked.

“What?  Oh, no!  Of course, I do, darling,” Carla said gently, gathering her into her arms.  “I love you.  I can’t wait to marry you.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean that.”

She kissed the top of her head, holding her close.  They swayed gently together in the middle of the dining room, which had become a wedding stock room over the past few weeks, much to Betsy’s disappointment, as it was usually her playroom.

“I’m just worried about all the stress you’re putting yourself under,” Carla said quietly.  “Not everything has to be perfect you know.”

“It does,” Lisa said stubbornly.  “I want our wedding to be perfect, Pickle.”

“Well, it will be,” Carla said.  “Because I get to marry you.  All the flowers and shit don’t really matter, do they?”

“They matter to me,” Lisa told her.

Carla sighed.

“Fine,” she said.  “Then they matter to me too.  Come on then, let’s get this organised and tidied away.  We can look at it with fresh eyes tomorrow.  And I’ll help more.  I promise.”

“Will you?”

“I promise.”

Lisa hugged her tighter.

“And the first thing I’m going to do is help you relax,” Carla told her.

She quirked an eyebrow at her fiancée.

“What?  Oh!”

Lisa blushed.

“I mean, if you think it would help!” she giggled.

“I definitely think it would help,” Carla said.  “So, let’s tidy this away and go upstairs, shall we?”

Carla wasn’t sure she had ever seen Lisa move so fast.

“Okay, I feel a lot more relaxed now,” Lisa breathed.

Carla moved to lie in her partner’s arms, their limbs tangled together, bodies hot, breathing laboured.  Lisa turned to kiss her.

“Good,” Carla said.  “My gorgeous, little DC Saucepot.”

Lisa chuckled.

“You’re going to call me that in your vows, aren’t you?” she realised.

Carla laughed and shook her head.

“Even I know some things are private, Lisa!”

“Ha!  Since when?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Carla asked.

“Um… sex is meant to be private.  That doesn’t stop you hankering after it in public, does it?” Lisa pointed out.

“Um… I don’t see you not being a willing participant,” Carla said, stealing a kiss.

Lisa shook her head.

“Nope.  It’s definitely all you.  Even though you know I’d lose my job if we were caught.”

Carla propped herself up on her elbow and tapped Lisa on the nose like a naughty cat.

“No, I’m not having that,” she disagreed.  “Last summer, who dragged who into the ginnel?  Who went down on who when there were clearly people only a few feet away?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t say that was public exactly…”

“On our very first holiday together, who enticed who into sex on the balcony when we’d already had homophobic complaints about ‘canoodling’ from that old couple next door?”

“Well, they deserved it…” Lisa faltered.

“And on that overnight flight back from America on our anniversary, who put whose hand inside whose joggers when everyone else was sleeping?” Carla asked with a raised eyebrow.

Lisa pouted.  Carla leant in and kissed her.

“So, on the whole, I would say you’re a very bad girl indeed, Lisa Swain…” she said, without taking her lips away.

“I think you might be right,” Lisa replied.  “Are you going to punish me?”

Eagerly, Carla pulled Lisa onto her lap, so she was straddling her.  She ran her hands down her back and her tongue down her front.

“I think I probably should,” she said.  “Teach you a lesson.”

“How?” Lisa wondered, her voice laced with wanton desire.

“Hmm…” Carla mused, her thumbs toying with Lisa’s hardened nipples.

She could feel how wet she was as she straddled her tummy.

“I’m thinking handcuffs… vibrator…  I’ve got loads of energy.  I could keep going for hours.  Keep bringing you so excruciatingly close but not quite letting you come… not until I’m ready…”

The flash of mischief in Carla’s eyes was almost enough to send Lisa over the edge.  She nodded.  Carla crashed their lips together, flipping them over in a tangle of sheets.  She kissed her way down Lisa’s body, flicking one, controlled, talented tongue between her legs.

“Carla!” Lisa moaned loudly.

“You always taste so bloody delicious,” Carla said, kneeling on either side of her and reaching into the bedside drawer for their handcuffs.  “It’s so hard not to just give you what you want.”

“I mean, you could…” Lisa tried, raising her hips hopefully.

Carla lifted Lisa’s arms up, kissing them thoroughly, before cuffing her to the bed. She put the key carefully, just out of reach on the bedside table.

“But what would that teach you?” Carla smirked.

She lay beside her, kissing her lips and toying happily with her erect nipples.  She slid her hand down between her thighs.

“Fuck,” they both gasped when they heard the quiet knock at the door.

Carla just about managed to cover them both up in time for the bedroom door to be pushed open.  Six year old Betsy stood in the doorway looking sleepy, her cheeks stained with tears.

“I had a nightmare.”

“Did you, darling?” Carla said sympathetically.

Betsy nodded.

“Well, you go into the bathroom and I’ll be along right behind you.  We’ll wash your face and dry your tears and you can tell me all about it,” Carla said.

“Okay,” Betsy agreed, turning and padding down the hall.

Carla kissed Lisa and climbed out of bed, grabbing her dressing gown.

“Carla!  Uncuff me!” Lisa hissed, grateful only that Betsy seemed not to have noticed her predicament.

“No way!” Carla chuckled.  “I won’t be long!”

“Carla!” Lisa hissed.

“Be good while I’m gone,” Carla said, kissing her again.

She wrapped her gown around her and hurried out of the room to tend to Betsy.

“Fuck!  Get me out of these cuffs!” Lisa begged when Carla returned to the room fifteen minutes later.  “I thought you were never coming back!”

Carla smirked at her, taking her time to hang up her dressing gown and return to the bed.

“I was always coming back.  Bit disappointed you want out though.  I wanted to play with you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m kind of over it now.  I can’t believe you left me here like this.”

Carla slowly nudged the duvet down, taking in the glorious sight of Lisa’s naked form, still handcuffed to the bed.

“And there was me, struggling to concentrate, feeling all wet because I knew you were in here, waiting for me,” Carla said, perched on the edge of the bed, her finger tips stroking up and down Lisa’s tummy, lingering on her piercing.

“Well, I didn’t have much of a choice, did I?” Lisa snapped.

Carla knew the tone of voice.  She knew she was grumpy but not really annoyed with her.

“Wasn’t it a bit… you know?” she asked.

“No!  Not even a little bit!”

“Can I check?”

“What?”

“Can I check?  You know, in case you’re telling me one of those naughty little lies like you told me before about how I’m always the one who instigates public sex?  Maybe… you’ve been up here getting excited rather than angry… waiting here for me to come back and…”

She raised her eyebrows.

“Maybe you’ve been driving yourself mad at the thought of things I might do to you?”

Lisa shifted a little.

“So, can I check?”

“Fine,” Lisa bluffed.  “I’m not even interested.”

Carla smirked.  She let her hand drift lower.  She could already feel the heat from Lisa’s centre radiating from her.  She nudged her legs apart, dipping her index finger between her folds.

“You are such a naughty little liar, DC Saucepot,” she tutted.  “Such a naughty little liar.”

She caught Lisa blushing.  Idly but deliberately, Carla slipped her finger into her mouth.  Lisa grew wetter still as she watched Carla suck her finger.

“Please fuck me.”

The words escaped her lips without her intending them to.  Carla glanced up her, finger still between her lips.  Without hesitation, she dived between Lisa’s thighs, eagerly devouring her, savouring her and bringing her to climax over and over again.  Eventually, she kissed her way back up Lisa’s body.  She reached across for the key and unlocked the handcuffs, setting her free.  She kissed her wrists and threw the cuffs back into what had become their sex drawer.

“Oh!  I never used the vibrator.”

“Your tongue is better than any vibrator on earth,” Lisa breathed, pulling her firmly into her arms.

“Are you sure because I could…?”

“I think I’d die if I came any more tonight,” Lisa laughed.  “That’s got to be a record!”

“Nah!” Carla said.  “That night on your birthday.  That’s a personal best.”

Lisa laughed, blushing.

“I feel sorry for other couples,” she grinned.

“Oh, me too!” Carla agreed.

Lisa laughed loudly.  Carla hushed her.

“Do you want Betsy to come in again?!”

“I mean, it can’t be worse than her walking in while I was literally handcuffed to the bed!” Lisa said.  “I am so getting you back for that, by the way.”

“I’ll look forward to it,” Carla replied.

Next time... Lisa has a choice to make and in 2022, Carla has a bad day...

Chapter Text

7^th January 2025

Lisa and Becky had left the restaurant.  Carla had stayed to at least finish the half bottle of wine on the table and try to decide what to do with the rest of her evening.  She was annoyed with Peta for her outburst, although nothing she had said had been untrue.  She was worried about Lisa, although she could hardly check on her.  She and Becky had been doing that hushed type of arguing that people reserve for when they were really angry.  All Carla had wanted to do was barge Becky out of the way and wrap her arms around Lisa, hold her close, tell her she loved her and that everything would be alright.  But she suspected that that wouldn’t improve relations.  So, she had forced herself to stay in her seat, stay quiet and let them leave, even though her heart was breaking.  She still had no idea how it had come to this.  Her own stubbornness, she supposed.  She knew now that she should never had left Lisa.  It was the most foolish thing she had ever done – and she had done some pretty foolish things in her time.  She’d had her reasons, sure.  But she knew now that she should have worked harder to fix things, not given up.  She wished so much than they had fixed things.  Even if they had split temporarily, they could have fixed things in the longer term.  They should have fixed things.  And Lisa was right.  That was on her.

“Your friends have gone.”

Carla looked up.  The waitress was stood over her.  It was a statement, not a question.

“Marital bliss,” she remarked.

“Seemed it,” the girl said.

And she was a girl.  Barely twenty.

“I finish my shift in five minutes,” she said.

Carla nodded, finishing her glass of wine and pulling her purse out of her handbag.  She did a double take when she caught the expression on the girl’s face.  She chuckled, sitting back in her seat.

“Darling, how old are you?”

“I’ll be twenty one next week.”

“Happy birthday,” Carla said, fiddling with the zip on her purse, one of her birthday gifts from Lisa a few years ago.

“You could give me my present early.”

“I am very flattered,” Carla said, tapping her card against the reader the waitress she had brought with her.  “But you’re only a few years older than my daughter.”

“So?”

“So, there comes a time in all our lives when sadly, we have to accept our age and I am fifty years old.  I might think it’d be hot to sleep with a twenty year old but as beautiful as you are, it’d actually be kind of sad.  Chasing something I can’t have.  Plus, I’ve not long been let back into this place.”

“How come?”

“Let’s call it… taking something I shouldn’t have done.”

She sighed.

“And that’s the thing.  I’m going to spend the rest of my life chasing something I can’t have.”

“The blonde one?”

“Well, aren’t you perceptive?”

The girl shrugged.  Carla threw a ten pound note on the table.

“Don’t offer yourself to random, middle aged women,” she advised.  “You’re worth way more than that.  Go and find someone nice, who’ll love you, want to live a life with you.  And when you do get it, don’t be an idiot and throw it away.”

She kissed the waitress’s cheek and left, not relishing the idea of spending the evening home alone.

“Becky, please can we talk?” Lisa begged, following her fiancée hurriedly into the house.

She was grateful that Betsy was at a sleepover with her friends.  Her daughter had lived through enough arguments in her life without her and Becky rowing now too.

“Becky, please?  You’ve ignored me the whole way home!”

“And why do you think that is?” Becky snapped, finding speaking.

Lisa took a step back.  Becky’s eyes were blazing.

“I didn’t plan for them to join us at the table or for that bloody woman to kick off.  Carla’s better off without her…”

“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?  Less time away from you!”

“No!  Becky, we’ve been through this a thousand times.  Carla and I are just friends.  We were over long before you and I ever got together.  We…”

“Bullshit, Lisa.  You hooked up the night before you and I met.”

Lisa stared at her, blinking with her wide, expressive eyes.

“How do you…?”

“Carla told me.”

“What?  When?”

“That night… well, one of the nights she got massively pissed and stayed the night here.  Came over blind drunk, fawning all over you.  I had to hold her hair back while she puked in the loo.  You were making a bed up for her.  She told me all about it.”

Lisa swallowed.

“But you never did.  You never have.  Not in all the time we’ve been together.”

“I didn’t think it mattered.”

“Well, it mattered to her, obviously,” Becky said.  “Reckoned you were going to make a go of things.  Then you met me and put an end it to it all.”
“What?  No!  That never happened.  We hooked up.  We used to hook up sometimes.  I never lied about that.  It never meant anything.  We were just… lonely.  Getting back together was never an option, Becky.  I met you.  I fell in love with you.  You’re the one I want to be with, not her.  Carla and I are a disaster.  We’re great friends but not more than that.”

“Except that she’s desperately in love with you.”

“She isn’t!” Lisa insisted.

Her heart was pounding.

“Lisa, she practically threw Peta out of the restaurant for insulting you.  Peta, the woman she’s meant to be dating.  Makes one criticism of her ex and she can’t stand it.”

“She’s always been protective.  We’ve always been protective of each other.  We’re family.  That doesn’t mean...”

“You were holding hands, Lisa!  You’re my fiancée and you were holding hands with her!”

“It wasn’t like that!  We’re affectionate.  We always have been.  But I’m sorry.  That shouldn’t have happened.  I’m sorry.”

“No, it shouldn’t have.  And yeah, I know all about how ‘affectionate’ you’ve always been.  I remember that from that night too, all her graphic descriptions of your sex life, how she wouldn’t stop looking at your tits all night.”

Lisa coloured.

“She still does it now.  She thinks I can’t see her, the way she looks at you but I do.  I do see her, undressing you with her eyes.  Whenever we’re all together, she’s always got her eyes on you and it’s got to stop, Lisa. I’ve tried to be patient.  I’ve tried to be understanding but I hate her.  I hate her being around.  I hate her voice.  I hate her smile.  I hate that she knows you better than I do.  I hate that she undermines me all the bloody time.  I hate her.”

Lisa felt tears prickling her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.  “I’ve been really thoughtless.”

“Yeah,” Becky said, folding her arms across her chest.  “You have.”

“So… what now?”

“I don’t ever want you to see her again.”

Lisa swallowed, a lump aching in her throat.

“But I… Betsy and… I…”

“People can co-parent without living in each other’s pockets, Lisa.  Okay, so maybe never seeing each other again is too far but you don’t have to be best friends.  We don’t have to have dinners, have her round all the time, plan her fucking birthday.”

“I just… she is my best friend,” Lisa said quietly.

“I thought I was meant to be your best friend.”

“You are.  It’s just… it’s different.  You’re my partner and she’s…”

“Your ex,” Becky said firmly.  “Your past.  You need to leave her there or I’m not going to be your future.”

1^st October 2022

 “She’s asleep, I think,” Becky said, closing the door to the spare room.  “I’ve put the bowl next to her.”

“Thanks,” Lisa said apologetically.  “I’m so sorry.  She doesn’t normally get like this.  It’s normally a bit more… dignified.”

Becky shoved her hands in her pockets, furrowing her brow.

“I feel like I’m missing something,” she said.

It came out a lot more accusatory than she intended.  Or maybe it didn’t.  She had just spent the past half an hour holding Carla’s hair back while she puked, drunkenly, in the toilet – and told her how in love with Lisa she was.

“I’ll just take this into her,” Lisa said, holding up the glass of water she’d brought from upstairs.  “I’ll explain.  I promise.”

She kissed Becky’s cheek, felt the tension radiating from her.  She knew she had mishandled everything.  She should have arranged to spend the evening with Carla, not abandoned her and let her get into such a state.  By prioritising Becky, she had actually made things worse.

“Fine,” Becky said, heading down stairs.

Lisa sighed and let herself into the guest room, which doubled as an office for when she was working from home.  It had also once been Carla’s work from home sanctuary.  There had been many a day when the pair of them had holed up at their separate desks, Carla’s now long gone, working away in companionable silence, drinking coffee.  On more than one occasion they had ended up on the spare bed that Carla was now tucked into, looking absolutely exhausted.

She was about to set the water down and leave when Carla moaned, reaching out for Lisa in her sleep.  Lisa perched on the edge of the bed, taking hold of Carla’s hand.  She gazed at her beautiful face.

“Oh, Pickle,” she said sadly.  “I’m sorry.  I should have been more careful with you tonight.  I should have thought.”

Carla moaned something unintelligible.

“I thought we’d reached a point where today was a bit… easier?”

Lisa sighed heavily.  She glanced at the closed bedroom door before moving to rest her head carefully across Carla’s hips, playing with her fingers.

“I should have known that you needed me,” she said, her own eyes becoming watery, her heart heavy.  “I’m sorry.  I’ll never abandon you again, I promise.  I love you so much.”

Once Carla heard the bedroom door close, she opened her eyes.  Tears fell across her face.  She rubbed her face hurriedly, as sobs took her breath away.  How had they ended up here?  How had she ended up in the spare room of her own house, which the love of her life was still living in and had all but moved her new girlfriend in?  She had been so confident that Becky would be a flash in the pan, like the last attempt Lisa had made to date.  But no.  Becky looked like she was set to stay.  She was making dinner in Carla and Lisa’s kitchen.  She had the audacity to look after her when she was drunk and grieving.  And all Carla had wanted was for Lisa to stay with her, to hold her through the night like she used to.

7^th January 2025

“This is a surprise,” Carla remarked, pulling open the door to the flat.  “Drink?”

She threw herself onto the sofa.  Lisa watched her for a moment, memories of the last time she’d been in the flat flashing through her mind.

“Fuck it, yeah.  Go on then.  I’ll get a cab back.”

She sat down a careful distance away.  Carla handed over the bottle of Amaretto she’d been swigging before Lisa arrived.  She knew something bad was coming.  She could feel it.  The drink was anaesthetic.  Lisa took the bottle and swigged.  She had promised Becky she would do as she asked.  It didn’t mean doing it would be easy.

“What are you sitting all the way over there for?” Carla asked.  “I don’t bite.  Well, only when you want me to.”

Lisa choked on her sip, even though she should have known the comment was coming.  Carla looked pleased with herself.  She accepted the bottle back and propped her feet up, settling them in Lisa’s lap.

“Well?” Carla asked.  “You here to tell me you can never see my beautiful face again?”

Lisa looked awkward.  Carla sat back up.

“Fuck,” she managed.

She put the bottle down hard on the table and hurriedly wiped away unbidden tears.

“Are you actually serious?  I’m banned from seeing you?”

“Not banned but…”

“Lisa, what the hell?”

“Carla, you know things have to change between us!” Lisa said desperately.

Her heart was broken by the look of hurt in her ex-wife’s eyes.  She could read every expression on Carla’s face.  She had always been able to.  On the drive over, she hadn’t been sure how she would react.  Would she be angry?  Make fun of the situation?  Start talking about her next conquest?  Those had been her top guesses.  But the tears in her eyes, the sorrow on her face, she hadn’t be expecting.

“Fine,” Carla said, standing up.  “Change.  I get it.  I wouldn’t want my gorgeous partner being so close to her ex either.  But cutting me out completely?  That’s not fair.  What am I going to do without you?  Lisa, I don’t know how to exist without you.”

What struck Lisa the hardest was not the words but the use of her name.  In private, it was almost always their nicknames.  It was always loving and playful, even when they were being serious.

“It’s not my choice,” Lisa said softly.  “It’s my fault but it’s not my choice.  I’m sorry.  I haven’t been fair to either of you.”

“No.  No, don’t do that.  You always do that.”

“Do what?” Lisa asked.

Carla closed her eyes.  She couldn’t take Lisa looking at her with her big, soulful eyes.

“You always take the blame for everything.  Fine.  We should have behaved better.  But you can’t just undo a twenty year relationship, Sauce.  You can’t just start interacting with someone a different way.”

“Well, we should have,” Lisa said.

“Fine.  We should have.  And maybe if I liked the boring, condescending bitch, I might have.”

“Hey!” Lisa snapped.

“I’m sorry,” Carla said, not sounding very sorry at all. 

She stood and began to pace.

“But she patronises me all the time.  Makes me feel like I’m in inconvenience in my own fucking life, like it’s not her that barged into my life and stole my wife and ruined everything I love!”

“But she didn’t, darling,” Lisa said softly.

Carla stared at her for a moment and then sat down.  She snatched up the bottle and took several large gulps.

“She did though,” she said bitterly.  “Me and you might have still had a chance if…”

“Is that what you said to her?” Lisa asked.

“What?  When?”

“That night when you came over pissed and we had to put you to bed…”

“I mean, you might be to be a tiny bit more specific than that, darling…”

Lisa fixed her with her Detective’s Stare.

“You know exactly what night.”

“I don’t remember,” Carla lied.

Lisa immediately called her out on it.  She always knew when Carla was being deceptive.

“I was pissed, remember?  I remember talking about your tits a lot because… well, I love them.”

“Yeah, she did remind me that you’d made that exceptionally clear.  She says you still look at them now when you think she’s not looking.”

“That’s not true.”

She offered out the bottle.  Lisa accepted.

“I don’t care if she’s looking or not.”

Lisa laughed.  She couldn’t help it.

“So, if you’re dumping me from your life, thank goodness I’ve still got all those photos, eh?”

Lisa coloured.

“You have not still got photos of…?” she said, her voice rather high pitched.

“I’ve got a whole folder, DS Saucepot,” Carla informed her.  “They’re beautiful.  They get me off to sleep at night.”

“Yeah, right.  When you haven’t got some woman half your age to get you off!”

Carla laughed.

“Turned down a twenty one year old tonight, if you must know.”

Lisa stared at her.

“The waitress?”

Carla shrugged.  Lisa shook her head.

“See?  If you were married to me still, think of all the opportunities you’d have missed out on,” she commented.

“I’d have missed out on nothing,” Carla said honestly.  “Getting to go to sleep in your arms every night, wake up with you every morning.  Plus, you know… tits.”

Lisa chuckled.  She sipped some more drink and passed it back.

“I think a twenty one year old is probably doing better than me in that department,” she said.

“Never seen nicer than yours, Sauce,” Carla told her.

Lisa sighed heavily.

“Never seen nicer than yours, Pickle,” she admitted.

They exchanged shy, sad smiles.

“So, this is it then?  You came round to steal my booze, compliment my boobs and say goodbye?” Carla asked.

“I mean, you’re practically pouring it down my throat!”

Carla conceded she was probably right about that.

“But the goodbye?” she asked, a lump beginning to ache in her throat.

“Becky thinks it’s best if we just have… minimal contact.”

“And you?”

“I agree,” Lisa lied.

Carla sighed, staring at a spot on the carpet where a date had once dropped a cigarette and burnt a small hole.  It had really annoyed her, especially as she had asked her to smoke outside.

“So, what?  We see each other for parents evening and Betsy related events?  Only communicate for the same reasons?”

“I guess so.”

“What if one of us is sad?”

“We’ve both got other friends.”

“What about our friends?  They’ve always been so grateful that they’ve never had to choose and now suddenly, they’ve got to?”

“We’ll try and make it as easy as possible for them.”

“It just seems like I’m the one who loses out here,” Carla said.  “Because I stood up for you tonight and your fiancée didn’t say a bloody word?  Because my date got pissed off and laid into us?  Because I got pissed two and a half years ago and maybe said some things I shouldn’t have?  Because I look at your boobs?  I mean, they’re right there, Lisa!  And you wear those fitted shirts and I’m only human.  I know what’s under the shirts.  I know what they look like, what they feel like, what noise you make when I put my mouth around your…”

“Okay!” Lisa interrupted, feeling a little flushed.

She didn’t think it was just the alcohol.

“I’m just saying that you get the wedding.  You get your mates.  You get to carry on as normal.  I get nothing.  My mates.  A few shags from strangers when I can be bothered.  But I lose you, Lisa, so I lose everything.  The highlight of my entire day is getting to see you.  Becky gets everything she wants and I lose everything. What do you lose?”

“You,” Lisa said.  “Do you not think this is killing me, Carla?”

Carla swallowed.  She studied Lisa’s face, saw the pain etched into her features.

“Then why are you doing this?  I can change.  I can.  I will.  If she just lets me still come over, spend time with you, spend time with Betsy at home…  It’s my home, Sauce.  You two are my home.”

Lisa scooted closer.  She took both of Carla’s hands in hers.

“I really wish I could do that,” she said.  “But if I go home and tell Becky that she can like it or lump it, she will leave me.  Carla, what Becky and I have is different to what you and I have but it’s something.  It’s important to me.  She’s important to me.  She’s been there for me these last three years.  She cares about me.  And let’s face it, she’s put up with a lot.  I know you enjoy this single life you’ve got, picking up twenty year olds…”

“I turned her down!”

“You’ll pick up the next one, let’s face it.  And that’s fine.  You enjoy it.  It makes you happy.  You don’t want a committed relationship.”

“I…”

Lisa interrupted her.

“But I do.  I want to grow old with someone, Pickle.  I want to be loved by someone.  I want to do boring stuff with someone.  You and me… we were built differently, I guess.  It’s kind of what I was saying earlier.  If we’d have stayed together, imagine all the women you’d have missed out on.  Or… maybe you wouldn’t have?  And that would have been so much worse, wouldn’t it?”

Tears flowed freely down Carla’s cheeks.

“I never, ever cheated on you,” she said.

“I know, darling,” Lisa said softly.  “But one day, when things got boring…”

“No.  I would never have done that to you.  Not ever.  Swear you believe me.  If this is the last proper conversation we have, you have to swear you believe me.”

She sank onto her knees, flinging her arms around Lisa, who parted her legs, gathering Carla closer.

“Please?  I can’t bear you thinking I’d hurt you like that.  I’m a good person, Lisa.  I don’t do commitment now but I did.  I did, Lisa.  I did.”

“Hey,” Lisa said softly.

She stroked Carla’s hair.  She had always loved her hair.  She tilted her face so she was looking at her, stroked her wet cheeks.

“You are the most wonderful person I’ve ever met,” she said.  “I didn’t mean to upset you, darling.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Carla clung back to her waist, burying her face against her chest.

“I don’t want to say goodbye,” she sobbed.

Lisa buried her face against Carla’s dark hair, also crying.  How was she meant to walk away from her when she was so upset?  How was she meant to walk away from her at all?

Next time... what really happened before Lisa met Becky...?

Chapter Text

7^th January 2025

“Done,” Lisa said coldly, throwing her keys on the side and kicking off her shoes.

“Did you get a cab back?” Becky asked, having been looking out of the window when her fiancée had taken her time to reappear.

“Yes.  I had a drink.  Or was that not allowed?” Lisa snapped, throwing herself into an armchair.

Becky perched on the end of the sofa closest to her fiancée, studying her face.  She could see the tracks of her tears.  She fought between guilt and justification.

“Did she take it okay?” she asked.

Lisa glared at her, tucking her knees up under her chin.

“Of course she didn’t take it okay!” she snapped.  “I’ve just told her I won’t spend any more time with her, Becky.  She’s not welcome in the house that she paid half of and didn’t want anything back for when she moved out.  She just wanted me to have a home to live in, for Betsy to spend half her week in.  She wanted me to be happy.  That’s all she’s ever wanted.”

“Don’t I know it?”

“So, she’s accepted it,” Lisa continued, ignoring her.  “Because she knows that I want to be with you.  But she was devastated.  And so am I.”

“I mean, you can always make a different decision…” Becky said sourly.

“Or you could give us a chance to change,” Lisa said.  “It doesn’t have to be a blanket ban of her from our lives.”

“If you were going to behave differently with each other, you would have done it by now.  And she… no, she’ll never change.  She’ll always flirt with you right in front of me.  She’ll always check you out.  She’ll always make me feel like an outsider in my own relationship.”

Lisa sighed heavily.

“She said she’d behave differently.”

“And even if by some miracle, she does, I’ll still know.”

“Still know what?”

“I’ll still know that she’s sat across the table from me, wanting you,” Becky said.  “I don’t know how you don’t see it.  Or maybe you do see it.  Maybe you enjoy it.  Maybe that’s the problem.”

“That’s not it,” Lisa said, although deep down, she knew there was a little bit of truth to the accusation.

But it was far more complicated that Becky could understand.  It wasn’t about attention.  It was about the fact that from the first moment she and Carla had met, she had never been able to stop thinking about her, stop loving her.  Even through their break up, through their separation, even through all the times they had argued and hurt each other, she had loved her.  They had always been entwined in each other’s lives.  Without Carla, Lisa wasn’t sure who she was meant to be or how she was meant to feel.  But explaining any of that to Becky would of course, only make things worse.

16^th December 2021

“Night, darling,” Carla said.

Betsy hugged both her mothers and headed to her room.  The three of them had been to the cinema to see the new Christmas film that the teenager had been desperate to watch.  Both of them were clinging to the fact that she still wanted to hang out with them and not just with her friends.  They were painfully aware that they could lose that any day.

“Well, I guess I’d better get off,” Lisa said.

They’d come back to the flat, Betsy and Carla to sleep, Lisa on the promise of a hot chocolate before she drove home.

“You don’t have to rush off, do you?” Carla asked.

“Well, it’s late and…”

Carla pouted.  Lisa sighed and gave in, sitting back down again.  She glanced across at Betsy’s closed door before she allowed herself to snuggle into Carla’s arms.  They weren’t exactly conventional exes.  In fact, they quite possibly spent more time together now they were separated; certainly more time together than they had for the last year of their marriage.

“See, that’s nicer than going home, isn’t it?” Carla asked, idly playing with Lisa’s blonde hair.

Lisa rested against Carla’s chest and closed her eyes.

“It is,” she agreed.  “Your cuddles have always been a bit too tempting.”

Carla chuckled and kissed the side of Lisa’s head.  She took a moment to breathe in her shampoo.  Lisa always smelled so inviting.

“I mean, if you’re in the mood to be tempted…” she teased.

Carla swatted her playfully on the leg.

“Betsy is literally in the next room!”

“I mean, I wasn’t suggesting we did it on the couch!”

“Your bedroom is even closer to her room than the lounge.  She’d hear us!”

“Well, yeah, she’d definitely hear you.  You have no idea how to be quiet!”

“Oi!” Lisa said, hitting her a little harder.

“Ow!” Carla protested, rubbing her thigh.

Lisa watched her hand move up and down.  She bit her lip.

“Oh, don’t do that…” Carla warned.

“Do what?”

“You know exactly what, DS Saucepot.  That thing where you bite your lip.  You know I can’t resist it.”

Lisa merely smirked.  Carla eagerly closed the gap between them, kissing her hard.  A small moan escaped Lisa’s lips.  Carla pulled back, looking triumphant.

“See, I told you.  You don’t know how to be quiet.”

“I mean, you can’t kiss me like that and…”

She closed her eyes, enjoying the way Carla’s hands and lips were beginning to wander.

“Oops!” Carla remarked when she ‘accidentally’ undid several of Lisa’s buttons.

Lisa shook her head.

“You’re so badly behaved!” she scolded.

Carla’s mouth, open and warm, made its way down to Lisa’s cleavage.

“Would you change it?” she asked.

“No,” Lisa admitted, the word coming out in a sigh.

Carla undid more buttons.

“So…?” she asked hopefully.  “Fancy a sleepover?”

“We can’t.  It’d confuse Betsy.  But… I mean, I could stay for a bit.”

Needing no further encouragement, Carla stood up, taking Lisa’s by the hand and hurrying to her bedroom.

“Now, remember, you have to be quiet, okay?” Carla giggled.

“Carla, would you just…?” Lisa begged.

Offering a particularly wicked smirked, Carla dived back down between Lisa’s thighs, finishing the orgasm she had thoroughly enjoyed building.  As her tongue worked, her hands firmly keeping Lisa’s legs apart, she couldn’t help but think that this was her favourite place in the world.

Lisa grabbed a pillow and crushed it over her own face as she climaxed in a desperate bid to be quiet.  Betsy loved that they were a family unit.  But she didn’t need to know the complexities of their relationship as it currently stood.

Carla kissed Lisa through the aftershocks of her orgasm.  She kissed her strong thighs and up her tummy.  She offered both excited nipples a kiss each before she removed the pillow, to find Lisa’s flushed and gasping.

“I really am fucking loud.”

Carla laughed.  She sat back, admiring the beauty below her.  She moved to snuggle into Lisa’s arms, their bodies entwined.

“I mean, you’re not quiet either.  In case you didn’t know,” Lisa added.

Carla grinned, stealing a kiss.

“I mean, I felt like you were trying to prove a point tonight,” Carla said.  “You really wanted to make me scream.”

“Darling, I always want to make you scream.  Tonight wasn’t different,” Lisa assured her.

Carla raised her eyebrows.

“Well, I mean, I was aware that we had to be quiet and I was aware that you said I’m loud.  How did Betsy never complain when we were together?” Lisa wondered.

Carla shrugged.

“Didn’t know any different, I guess,” she said.  “And we did try to be polite about it.  Left the really wild times for when she was at a sleepover.  Or at school.”

“Mmm… our work from home days,” Lisa remembered.

“Who knew working from home ever involved so many sex toys?” Carla joked.

Lisa laughed loudly.

“See?  You’re so loud, Sauce!”

“I’m only laughing!”

“In my bedroom!”

“I miss it,” Lisa said.

The words had slipped out before she could stop them.

“What, the work from home days?  I’ll come over and work at yours.  I’ll bring equipment and everything.  Anything you want!”

Lisa sighed, gazing into Carla’s face.

“I mean, we don’t exactly need a work from home day for that, do we?”

“Good point.  I’m going to have to throw the dining table out after last week.  Did you see I’ve propped the foot up with books after we…?”

Lisa blushed.  That had been quite the afternoon.  She’d only popped in to give Carla some shopping she’d picked up for her.

“I feel like I should contribute!” she remarked.  “It was me who…”

“I mean, I was right there!”

“Oh, I know you were!”

“Sauce!” Carla scolded.  “Now who’s the badly behaved one?”

Lisa flashed her naughtiest smile.  But then she looked wistful again.

“I wish we could have that again, Pickle,” she ventured.

“I mean, I’ll get a new table…”

Lisa looked serious.

“I miss you, darling,” she said honestly.

“I’m right here.”

“You are.  In bed.  On the table.  On the sofa.  And it’s great.  I mean, it’s really great.  That was never our problem though, was it?  I mean, I miss you.  I miss living with you.  I miss coming home to you making dinner, curling up in front of the TV with you, waking up with you in the morning.  I miss… us.  I’m not saying what we have isn’t special.  It is.  It’s a really weird kind of a special.  But I want more, Carla.  I want you.  I want you to be my wife again.  Have I not proved myself to you enough yet?  I’ve changed.  I’ve done everything you asked of me, everything you told me you didn’t think I was capable of doing.  I’m here.  I put the work into us, into our family.  And I love our friendship, I love our sex life.  But I love you more.  I love you so much.”

Carla studied Lisa’s beautiful face.  Her heart was threatening to break out of her chest.

“I love you too, Sauce.  You know I do.  I just…”

“Don’t want to be with me,” Lisa realised.

“No, it’s not…”

Before she could explain, Lisa had elbowed away from her and was hurriedly getting dressed.

“It’s fine.  I get it.  I mean, you could have interrupted me during my ten minute monologue and saved me the embarrassment of practically begging you to get back with me but no, don’t worry about it.  Use me for sex whenever you want it.  Pick me up and put me down.”

“Lisa, that’s not…” Carla tried, also climbing out of bed.

“It is though, Carla,” Lisa snapped.  “I was your wife.  In fact, I’m still your wife, in case you’d forgotten.  We stood up in front our family and friends, in front of our daughter and we made vows to love and respect each other for the rest of our lives.  And that lasted, what?  Ten minutes?”

“I do love…”

“No.  You just treat me like some kind of plaything.”

“That’s not fair!” Carla snapped.  “This… this thing between us, it’s equal.  It’s what we both said we wanted.”

“Well, you know what?  I was fucking lying.”

Mostly dressed, she stormed out of the bedroom and back into the lounge.  She shoved her feet into her boots.  Pulling a robe around her, Carla hurried after her, desperate to make her stay.

“What do you mean, you were lying?” she asked, managing to turn her around by the front door.

“Are you blind?  I would have done anything just to be close to you, Carla.  To be intimate with you.  To have those beautiful moments of lying in your arms before we both had to get on with our day.  And I guess I thought… I hoped… you felt the same.”

She turned and left, hurrying down the stairs and to her car.  Carla rested her forehead against the door.

“I do,” she said quietly.

17^th December 2021

“Why have you bought these for Mum?” Betsy asked, eyeing the flowers quizzically, when Carla retrieved them from the backseat of the car.

“She likes them, doesn’t she?  She always enjoys having flowers round the place,” Carla said as nonchalantly as she could.

Betsy didn’t look or sound convinced.

“She does.  But isn’t it a bit strange?  Her ex-wife buying her flowers?”

“I buy her flowers all the time!”

“Yeah but not like… I mean, those are proper roses.”

“These?” Carla said, following her daughter into the house, clutching the pink roses – Lisa’s favourites – that had cost her an absolute fortune.  “Nah, these were just going cheap at the garage.  I saw them when I was getting petrol before I picked you up.”

Betsy still looked unsure.  They definitely didn’t look like garage flowers.  They looked very expensive.

“Well, she’s out tonight anyway,” Betsy said, leading the way into the kitchen to make a drink.

“Yeah, she’s at her work’s Christmas thingamy, isn’t she?”

“Yeah.  I’m surprised she even went.  She was in a foul mood when I phoned her to ask her for cash at lunch time.”

Carla swallowed, thinking back to how badly the night before had ended.  She had cried herself to sleep.  She wondered if Lisa had fared any better.

It was an hour and a half later when Lisa returned home in a taxi.  She had indeed forced herself out but she was glad she had.

“Well, this is me,” she said, feeling suddenly shy.

“I’ll walk you to your door,” Becky offered eagerly.

They had met that evening.  Lisa had been feeling low and the last thing she’d wanted to do was socialise but Becky had been persistent, flattering and very sweet.  She was also gorgeous, which helped.

Asking the taxi driver to wait, Becky followed Lisa up the footpath.  They stopped at the front door.

“Thank you for giving in and talking to me tonight,” Becky said, taking hold of Lisa’s hands.  “I’ve um… been trying to pluck up the courage to talk to you at work for ages.”

“Have you?” Lisa asked, surprised.

Becky nodded.  Lisa was a rank above her with a lot more experience.  She was also the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen in real life.  She couldn’t believe she hadn’t just told her to get lost.

“I think you’re incredible,” she told her.  “I’ve heard all the stories about Super Swain.”

“Ha!  Yeah, I don’t think that’s my nickname at work.”

“It is as far as I’m concerned,” Becky told her.

Lisa knew she was blushing.

“So um… would it be alright if I texted you?  Maybe we could arrange a proper date?”

Lisa instantly thought of Carla, of all the love she would always have for her.  Then she remembered crying herself to sleep last night because she’d been incapable of giving her a reason to stay.

“I’d love that,” she said.

They exchanged numbers and said goodnight.  Becky kissed Lisa on the cheek.  Lisa watched her retreat to the taxi, waving each other goodbye.  It felt so new, so different.  With Carla, they’d leapt straight into bed and they hadn’t got out of it again in all these years, apart from brief interludes when one of them was trying their hand at dating someone else.

“Betsy, your Mum’s back!  I’m going to head off!” Carla said, backtracking from the window very quickly.

She hurried into the kitchen and grabbed the flowers, hoping to make it to the back door before Lisa got inside.  She felt like her heart had been ripped out, watching Lisa and that woman’s cute little exchange on the doorstep.  It wasn’t that they hadn’t dated other people.  Both of them had.  The first time Carla had hooked up with someone new, they’d had a blazing row about it.  But neither of them had declared their undying love on a Thursday and gone on a date on the Friday.

She hurriedly closed the door behind her and pelted through the back garden she and Lisa had tended and cared for together over years.  She unlocked the gate and burst through, pausing only to reach over and lock the top lock from the other side.  The bottom one would have to wait.

“Mum?”

Lisa looked up towards the stairs.

“Hi, darling,” she greeted.  “I wasn’t sure if you were staying here or at your Mum’s?”

“Did she really leave?” the teenager asked.

“Who?”

Betsy trotted down the stairs, looking round for Carla.

“Mum brought me back.  She was still here.  Then she just left.  I was only in the bathroom.  We were watching a film.”

She nodded towards the paused television.

“Maybe she had somewhere else she needed to be,” Lisa said.

Images of Carla getting a message from some random girl on whatever app she was currently using, flashed through her mind.  She tried to focus on her lovely evening with Becky instead.

“Did you get your flowers?” Betsy asked.

“Flowers?”
“Mum bought you flowers.  Just garage ones, apparently but they’re the pink roses you love.  They looked really beautiful.  I think she put them in water in the kitchen for when you got back.”

Lisa headed into the kitchen and indeed, there was a vase there.  But no flowers.  She could only conclude that someone Carla deemed more attractive than her would benefit.  She wandered back into the lounge.

“No flowers,” she said.

“Do you think she’s alright?”

“Of course she is.  Why wouldn’t she be?”

“I don’t know.  She was just in a bit of a weird mood, that’s all.”

“I’m sure she’ll get over it.  What are we watching?”

At home, Carla dumped the flowers in the bin.  She pulled the piece of paper, upon which she had written all her feelings, so she could read it to Lisa without getting into a muddle, out of her pocket.  She read through it, disgusted with herself for even trying.  Balling up the paper, she threw that in the bin also.  She paced the flat, unsure of what to do.  Usually, in a crisis, she phoned Lisa.  Lisa was her sanctuary.  Lisa was her everything.  Now, just like last night, she felt completely empty.

Next time... will Lisa make things right...?

Chapter Text

17^th January 2025

Things at home were tense.  Betsy had spent the last ten days, storming round the place in fury that her parents were no longer speaking to each other.  She didn’t understand what had happened.  Lisa had been vague, Carla had been even vaguer and she suspected that Becky had caused the whole thing.  She was frustrated that none of the parents in her life seemed to understand how their family life affected her. 

She had been heartbroken, as a child, when they had sat her down and explained that they were separating and Carla was moving out.  But it hadn’t been as bad as she had expected it to be.  At times, it felt like they were more of a family unit than they had ever been.  Apart from the odd huge argument, Carla and Lisa had become the best of friends.  Betsy felt lucky that she’d never had to choose between them or have separate celebrations.  They might not want to be married anymore but they were more than happy to be in each other’s company, keep each other close. 

But now, everything had changed again.  This was one of the longest periods of time she thought her parents had ever been apart.  She hated it.

“Betsy, can you at least clear your plate?” Lisa asked tiredly after the teenager pushed away from the table, ready to stomp back to her room.

“Why should I?” she snapped.

“Because we’re not here to clean up after you,” Lisa told her.

“No, you’re not here to do anything for me, are you, Mum?”

“Betsy…”

“Betsy, stop with the attitude,” Becky intervened.  “Clear your plate like your Mum’s asked.”

“Yeah, my Mum.  One of two and that doesn’t include you!”

“Betsy!” Lisa protested.

“I know I’m not your Mum,” Becky said reasonably.  “But I’m still an adult in this house.”

“I wish you weren’t.  I know you’re the reason my Mums have fallen out.”

Leaving the plate, she stormed up to her bedroom, almost slamming the door of its hinges.

At the table, Lisa sighed heavily.

“We can’t carry on like this,” she said.  “This is hurting Betsy.”

“Hurting you and your precious Carla, you mean,” Becky accused.

Lisa sighed and closed her eyes.

“I have apologised for everything.  I’ve shut her out.  But it’s hurting my daughter.  She’s not used to us living separate lives.”
“Precisely.”

“Becky, making me choose between you and Carla is one thing but making me choose between you and my daughter?  That’s something else entirely.  I need you to bend on this.  Please?”

“Fine,” Becky gave in.  “But it has to be different this time, Lisa.  No hugging, no hand holding, no flirting, none of it.  None of it.”

“None,” Lisa promised.

18^th January 2025

Carla opened the door.

“You’re early!”

Her eyes fell on her ex-wife.

“Oh.  I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Who were you expecting?”

“Just… nobody,” Carla lied, not letting her in.

“I talked to Becky and she’s lifted the ban,” Lisa said, getting to the point.

Carla folded her arms and leant against the doorframe, not yet willing to let Lisa in.

“How magnanimous of her,” she said sourly.

Lisa sighed.

“I’m sorry,” she said honestly.  “These past ten days have been absolute hell.”

“For me too,” Carla admitted.

“Can we be friends again?”

Carla’s heart surged at the way Lisa was looking at her.

“Sure,” she agreed.  “Best come in and tell me what the rules are.”

Lisa half laughed, as Carla let her past.

“Like you’re any good at sticking to rules.”

Carla looked serious for a moment.

“If it means keeping you in my life, I’ll do whatever it takes.”

A lump began to ache in Lisa’s throat.  She glanced around.  Dinner was cooking.  Carla was dressed up, nose in her phone all of a sudden.

“Shit, I’m interrupting a date, aren’t I?  I’ll um… I’ll leave you to it.  We can talk another time.”

She made to leave.

“Cancelled,” Carla said, putting her phone away and shoving it in her pocket.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Lisa told her.

Carla shrugged, heading to the kitchen.

“Are you hungry?” she asked.  “I’ve made moussaka.”

Lisa smiled.  She loved Carla’s cooking.  When they’d got together, Carla hadn’t been able to cook at all.  She had spent most of her childhood searching for scraps to eat, uncared for by her mother.  Cooking wasn’t a skill she had been taught.  But when they’d decided to have a baby, she had enrolled on a cookery course, wanting to be the best Mum she could be.  She had been desperate to be able to provide the kind of safe, loving environment that she had never had, including home cooked meals for her child.

“I’d love some, if you’re offering,” she accepted.

Carla nodded, beginning to dish up.  Automatically, Lisa began to set the table.  Carla poured a glass of wine each.  They sat beside each other.

“So, what are the rules?” Carla asked.

Lisa hated how awkward she was, how heavy hearted she sounded.

“No hugging, no hand holding, no flirting.  The basics.  You know?”

Carla nodded, finishing a mouthful of food.

“Fine,” she said.  “What about seeing each other alone?  I mean, does she have to supervise or what?”

“She didn’t say.”

“Right.  Best check that.”

Lisa sipped her wine.

“Carla…” she tried.

“Look, I just need to know what I’m allowed to do and not allowed to do, okay?” Carla said tiredly.  “I don’t want you taken away from me again, Lisa.  This time without you has been fucking hell.”

“I’ll check,” Lisa said quietly.

They ate in silence.

“It’s been hell for me too, just so you know,” Lisa eventually said.

“But you’ve had Becky,” Carla replied.

Lisa nodded, continuing to eat.

“This is delicious,” she complimented.  “Sorry your date isn’t getting to eat it.”

Carla shrugged.

“It wasn’t anyone important.  I’ve just been a bit lonely,” she admitted.

Lisa reached out and squeezed Carla’s hand.  Carla looked down at their contact.

“I thought we weren’t allowed.”

She saw the tears in Lisa’s eyes.

“I’ve missed you so much,” the blonde told her.

Abandoning their food, they fell into each other’s arms, holding tight.  Carla closed her eyes, resting her head on Lisa’s shoulder.  She breathed in her familiar scent, a mix of Treseme and Hugo Boss.  Lisa buried her face into Carla’s neck.  She knew she shouldn’t but she couldn’t stop herself.  She needed her.

“Can we?” she asked softly.  “Like we did the other night?”

Carla took Lisa’s hand and led her to her bedroom, recalling the night they’d say goodbye the previous week. They lay down beside each other, Lisa kicking off her shoes.  Snuggling into each other’s arms, they lay side by side.

“I’m guessing this definitely isn’t allowed,” Carla mused.

“Yeah.  No,” Lisa confirmed.

She closed her eyes.  Carla rested her head on Lisa’s chest, her hand resting on her tummy, idling playing with her piercing.  Lisa tried to ignore the reaction she was having to her touch.

“She definitely said no cuddles,” she said.  “This was literally what she was talking about.  But I just… I’ve missed you so much, Pickle.”

“I’ve missed you,” Carla told her.  “Michelle’s at her wit’s end with me moping.”

“Dee Dee’s the same with me,” Lisa admitted.  “Betsy’s been in such a rage.  She doesn’t understand.”

They lay together peacefully.

“Um… Carla?”

“Oh, sorry!”

Carla moved her hand swiftly back down from where it had wandered up to Lisa’s chest.

“It’s just automatic!”

She smirked.  Lisa smiled back, relaxing.  It felt like she had Carla back again.

“Apologies,” Carla added, not looking terribly sorry at all.

“I enjoyed it,” Lisa confessed.  “It was hard to tell you off.”

Carla snuggled in a little closer, suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion.

“I wish you were single,” she said softly before she drifted off to sleep.

Next time... a flashback to the wedding.... and the breakup...

Chapter Text

18^th January 2025

“Shit!  Carla, we fell asleep!” Lisa shrieked.

“Mmm… so?” Carla mumbled, trying to keep hold of her, as Lisa extracted herself and climbed off the bed.

“Carla!  It’s nearly eleven.  I need to go home!  I didn’t mean to stay so long.”

“You can stay the night if you want,” Carla offered with a sleepy smirk.

She propped herself up on the pillows, giving Lisa space to sit on the edge of the bed and put her shoes on.  Lisa offered a wry smile.

“I should have gone home hours ago.  You and your… cuddles.”

Carla held up both her hands in protest.

“You asked!” she pointed out.

“Okay, fair point.  I did.  I missed you.”

“I missed you too.  And these pillows are no match for yours,” Carla told her, patting the blue pillowcase next to her.

Lisa laughed.

“And that is exactly the kind of comment you’re not allowed to say when Becky’s around.  Right?”

“Rainbow’s, Brownie’s, Girl Guide’s honour.”

“Like you were ever any of those!”

“Caught me!”

Lisa leant over and kissed Carla’s forehead.  Carla moved and captured her lips.  They both lingered a little too long.

“Yeah,” Lisa breathed, closing her eyes.  “None of that.  None of that.”

She tore herself away, grabbing her coat on the way out of the flat.  Alone in the bedroom, Carla sighed deeply.  She missed Lisa the moment she was gone.  She had been missing her ever since she’d left her the last time.  But she promised herself she would behave, at least when Becky was around.  She couldn’t lose Lisa again.  She couldn’t lose the happy family life they had with Betsy.  It all meant too much to her.  She just hoped that one day, they would find a way to be together the way she believed they were meant to be.

31^st December 2014

“Ready?” Carla asked.

“I am so ready,” Lisa replied.

Carla leant forward and captured Lisa’s lips with her own.

“Mums!” Betsy protested.  “You’re not meant to do that yet!  You’re meant to wait until the lady at the end says about kissing the brides!  I saw it on the telly!”

Their six year old daughter in her beautiful, purple bridesmaid dress stood grumpily in front of them, arms folded, face frowning.

“Sorry, Bets,” Carla said, crouching down in her tailored white suit with purple buttonhole.  “You’re right.  We got ahead of ourselves.”

“You’re always doing the kissing thing.”

“Well, I can’t always help myself, can I?  Your Mum is very, very pretty.”

Lisa, in her matching suit, chuckled, blushing.

“Ready to go down the aisle, Betsy?” Michelle asked.

She was sporting a grown up version of the young girl’s bridesmaid outfit, as was Dee Dee.

“Yeah,” Betsy replied reluctantly.  “Maybe these two will show up if they don’t stop KISSING!”

Carla snorted, slipping her arm around Lisa’s waist.  She kissed her cheek.

“I swear we’ll behave ourselves, Betsy!” she promised.

The song that Betsy had chosen for them to walk down the aisle to – How Long Will I Love You? by Ellie Goulding, began to play.  Betsy led the way, with Michelle and Dee Dee right behind.

“Definitely ready to spend the rest of your life with me?” Carla checked.

“I’ve been ready since the moment I met you,” Lisa replied.

They kissed one more time before walking down the aisle together, arm in arm.

18th January 2025

“You’re late back,” Becky said unhappily.

“Sorry,” Lisa apologised.  “I was late at work so I was late getting to Carla’s.  She invited me to stop for dinner.  We got talking and before I knew it, it was 11pm.  I’m so sorry.”

“Why didn’t you answer my calls?”

“I had my phone on silent.  I didn’t even realise.  You know on the iPhone, it can flick on that little switch sometimes and you don’t even know?”

Becky frowned.  She was already beginning to wonder if she had made a mistake.

“What on earth did you have to talk about for so long?”

“Well, we haven’t seen each other in ten days.  There were loads of things – Betsy, work, her millions of conquests.  I mean, that in itself took at least an hour.”

“She’s been keeping herself busy then?  Not pining for you?”

“No,” Lisa said delicately.  “She’s been fine.  She had a date tonight, in fact.”

She left out the part where she’d cancelled in a moment’s notice, via text, without a hint of regret.

“Great,” Becky said stiffly.  “Good for her.”

“Yeah.  Good for her.”

“I suppose that’s why you never lasted.  She’s not the kind of person who can settle down.  Sad really.  Woman of her age.”

Lisa bit back a retort, her protective feelings for Carla resurfacing.  That wasn’t why they’d split at all.  Far from it.

14th February 2017

Carla had already polished off a bottle of wine.  She was partway through the second, becoming less and less comfortable at the dining table.  However, she was too angry to even feel tipsy.  The candles had been blown out long ago and the dinner she had slaved over sat spoiled in front of her, cold.  Lisa had promised she would be back at seven.  Promised. 

The same as she had promised she would be around for Carla’s birthday and they’d had to reschedule. 

The same as she’d promised she would be there to help set up for their New Year’s Party, something that he become a long running tradition in their relationship and friendship group.  She’d been home to celebrate the last couple of hours of 2016. 

The same as she had promised not to work over Christmas.  She’d been on call and of course, been called out. 

And those were just the special days.  That didn’t take into account all the early mornings that bled into late nights and vice versa.  Carla felt like she was parenting Betsy on her own these days.  She felt like she hardly ever saw her wife at all.  They used to be such a unit and now, they hardly had any time together, hardly had anything to do with each other’s lives.  It was breaking her heart.

At 11:42pm, the front door finally opened.

“Carla?”

Carla didn’t bother answering.

“Carla, I am so sorry!”

Lisa appeared laden with flowers, a box of Carla’s favourite chocolates, a bottle of wine and a wrapped gift.

“I truly meant to get back on time and I know I keep letting you down at the moment but I…”

“Save it,” Carla said quietly.  “I don’t actually care.”

Lisa frowned, looking genuinely regretful.  She put her items down on the table.

“You’ve gone to so much trouble.”

“Yeah.  I have.  Rest of it’s in the kitchen.  This was just the starter.”

“Darling, we can save it.  We can heat it up and…”

“No, Lisa,” Carla snapped.  “We can’t.  We can’t save any of this.”

Lisa was taken aback by the anger and pain in her wife’s eyes.

“We can,” she tried.  “Please, let me…”

She reached for a plate but Carla snatched it away.  It smashed on the floor, making Lisa jump.

“See?  We can’t save it,” Carla said, emotionless.

She finished her wine and poured another glass.  Only for herself.

“Carla, how much have you drunk?” Lisa asked worriedly.

“I mean, I’ve been sat here like an absolute dick for nearly four hours by myself, so…”

Lisa sat down.

“I’m so sorry, Carla,” she said.

She grabbed the bottle and poured herself a glass, downing it and refilling it.  If they were going to argue, she figured she ought to catch up.

“Yep.  Until next time.  And the time after that.  And the time after that.”

Lisa sighed.

“This case is just so massive, Carla.  It’s the one I got called out for at Christmas, I don’t know if you remember…”

“Do I remember not spending Christmas Day with my wife?  Or any day since?  Yeah.  Yeah, I remember that, Lisa.  I’ve pretty much been a single parent.  And let’s face it, it’s not the first time.  I’ve been putting it up with for fucking years.”

Lisa swallowed.

“That’s not fair…” she tried.

“I’d say it’s pretty accurate, myself,” Carla snapped back.  “So, why don’t we just do that, eh?”

“What?”

“Why don’t we just admit to being single parents?”

“No!  Carla, no!  Look, I’ll do better, okay?  Please?  I hear you.  Okay?  I hear you.  I’m listening.  I know I’ve been shit since my promotion.”

“And since kissing everyone’s arse to get your promotion.”

That stung.  Lisa had worked hard to become a DS.  And it wasn’t about kissing anyone’s arse.  It had been about showing up, working hard, getting the job done and getting noticed.  And as a female officer, that hadn’t been easy.

“I’ll be home more,” she said, ignoring the jibe.  “I’ll be a better wife, a better Mum.  I promise.  Please give me another chance.  Please?  I’m so sorry.  Carla, I can’t lose you.”

“I just… I can’t keep doing this with you, Lisa.  It’s not fair.”

“You’ve been drinking.  You’re not thinking straight.”

“I’m thinking perfectly straight,” Carla assured her.  “I’m thinking that I’m sick of my life.  Get up.  Wrangle Betsy to school.  Go to work.  Duck out for the school run.  Take Betsy to whatever after school club she’s got excited about this term.  Bring her home.  Sort dinner.  Do some more work.  Put Betsy to bed.  Sit and wonder if you might show up.  Feel utterly disappointed.  Take my frustrations out on the vibrator.  Go to sleep.  Start again the next day.”

“So, what?  You’re upset because we haven’t had sex for a bit?”

“Trust you to miss the point, Lisa.  I miss you.  I miss spending time with you.  I miss you having an input into our daughter’s life.  I miss laughing with you, watching shit TV with you, eating dinner with you and yeah, sure, I miss fucking you.  I mean, when was the last time?  Three weeks ago when we had that massive row?  We used to barely last three minutes, let alone three weeks!  But it’s not about that.  It’s about everything else.  I mean, do you even know what Betsy’s into at the moment?  What club is she doing right now?”

Lisa swallowed and chewed her lip.  She finished her second glass of wine and poured another.

“Drama club, Lisa.  She’s in drama club.  She wants to be an actress.  This month.  Last month, she wanted to be a novelist.”
“I knew that.”

“Of course you did.”

Lisa sighed heavily.

“You would have known that if you’d participate in breakfast and dinner,” Carla told her.  “If you’d do a school drop off or pick up and listen to her chattering away once in a while.  She literally doesn’t stop talking.”

Lisa nodded and apologised.

“It’s just while this case is on…”

“There’s always going to be a case on.  But she’s growing.  Fast, Lisa.  In a few years, she’s going to be a stroppy teenager who doesn’t want to talk to us.  Open your eyes.  You’re missing everything.  You’re missing our family.”

Lisa felt tears begin to well.

“Please don’t say I’ve lost…”

“Well, yeah, you have,’ Carla said softly. 

Sadly. 

Tears began to well in her own eyes.

“I can’t live like this anymore.  You haven’t lost Betsy.  Just me.”

“But I love you,” Lisa sobbed.

“And I love you,” Carla admitted.  “I’ll always love you, Lisa.  From the first moment I met you, I knew you were my person.  You’ll always be my person.  I’ll never meet anyone else that I feel like this about.  I know I won’t.  But I also can’t live like this anymore.”

“If you feel like that though, why can’t you just give me another chance?” Lisa begged.

She didn’t care how desperate she sounded.

“Because I’ve given you so many chances, Sauce,” Carla said gently.

The nickname was enough to make Lisa sob.  She closed her eyes.  Feeling genuinely sorry for her, Carla moved to sit beside her, wrapping her arms around her.  They held each other for a long time.

“I can’t believe you’re kicking me out,” Lisa wept.

“I’m not kicking you out,” Carla said gently.  “Stay here with Betsy.  We can share custody.  I’ll go and stay with Michelle for a while.”

“And then maybe we can work things out?” Lisa asked hopefully into her chest.  “If I can prove myself to you?”

“No, darling,” Carla said softly.  “I want us to stay friends.  I want us to co-parent.  But we’re not getting back together.”

“Even if I’m better?  If I…?”

“We’re done, Lisa,” Carla said firmly.

She stood up and headed for the stairs.  Lisa sat in her seat utterly deflated for several moments, anger welling inside her before, blood boiling, she down the rest of her wine and charged upstairs, bursting into the bedroom.

“How fucking dare you?” she demanded.

“Lisa?”

“I get to make this decision too, Carla!” Lisa snapped.  “You can’t just end our marriage, all maudlin and dramatic on fucking Valentine’s Day just because I’m late home from work a few times.  I mean, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Are you kidding me?” Carla snapped back.  “No.  I’m not going to turn into a pathetic wife because you refuse to prioritise your family over your fucking job, Lisa!”

“What?  Other people’s lives aren’t as important as me sitting down to a bit of pasta of an evening?”

“This is our family!” Carla shouted.

“And you’re breaking us up!”

“You’ve already done that!”

“No!” Lisa shouted.  “You don’t get to walk out on me and Bets, give up on us and then blame me for it!”

She shoved Carla hard in the chest to punctuate each word.

“You don’t get to do that, Carla.”

Carla grabbed Lisa’s wrists to stop her from keep hitting her chest.  She was small but fierce.

“I’m not trying to hurt you,” Carla told her.  “I’m trying to stop us from going so far that we hate each other.”

“Too fucking late,” Lisa shot back.

They glared at each other, tears streaming down both their cheeks.  No more words were needed as they fell together, kissing hard.  Both battled for dominance.  Carla tore at Lisa’s shirt, the buttons flying off as she pulled it open.  She made short work of the rest of her clothes, as Lisa stripped Carla down.  Carla trailed hot kisses from Lisa mouth and down her neck.  She flung her backwards onto the bed, climbing on top of her.  Lips and hands travelled with urgency.  She buried her lips against her neck, pulling away when she felt Lisa’s tears brushing her face.

“This is going to be the last time, isn’t it?” Lisa realised.

Carla nodded, also tearful.
“We’d best make it amazing, hadn’t we?” she said.

Slowing down, she kissed Lisa’s lips, sighing against her before kissing her way down her body, desperate to commit every part to memory.

Next time... Carla and Becky come face to face and in 2017, Carla and Lisa struggle in the aftermath of their breakup...

Chapter Text

30^th January 2025

“Betsy?” Lisa called when she arrived home from work.

“I’m in the kitchen with Mum!” the teenager yelled back.

Lisa smiled to herself, kicking off her shoes and hanging up her jacket.  She made her way into the kitchen, smiling when she saw her ex-wife and her daughter at the table, buried in homework.  Carla looked up, offering the dazzling smile that Lisa was still in love with.

“We put dinner on,” Carla said.  “Will Becky mind?  I wasn’t sure.”

Lisa’s heart broke at the way her voice faltered.  Carla had always been so confident.  So bold.  It was one of the things Lisa loved so much about her.  But over the last few weeks, she had been anxious.  Even sad at times.  And that had made Lisa sad too.

“That’s lovely.  Thank you.”

“I told you,” Betsy said, nudging her Mum.

Lisa moved closer, hugging them both.

“What are you up to?”

“Mum’s helping me with some designs for school,” Betsy explained.

“Oh, fantastic.  For your project?” Lisa asked, coming to join them at the table.

She sat down beside Betsy, so she could look at her work.

“Yeah,” Betsy said, showing her.  “Mum drew this.  She’s so talented, isn’t she?”

Lisa glanced up at Carla who looked a little shy.  As confident as she was, she had never been amazing at taking an outright compliment, certainly not one like that.  She smiled at her.

“Yeah, she is,” she said softly.

“Well, I’m nothing compared to you, darling,” Carla said to Betsy, putting her arm around her.

“What’s for dinner?” Lisa wondered.

“Lasagne,” Carla told her.

“Oh, I love your lasagne!” Lisa said enthusiastically.  “Thank you.”

Carla shrugged but smiled, pleased.

“Bets said you and Becky would be working until pretty late and I was here so I just thought…  I hope it’s okay.”

“Hey,” Lisa said, reaching across the table and squeezing her hand.  “It’s lovely.  Thank you.”

Carla squeezed her hand back.  They broke apart when they heard Becky’s key in the front door.  Betsy watched them closely.  She had spent years watching them closely, wondering, hoping.

“Hey, darling,” Becky called out.

“We’re in here!” Lisa called back.

“Hi,” Becky said.  “Oh.”

Her face fell when she spotted Carla sat at the table.

“Hi,” Carla said.

“Mum made us all dinner,” Betsy informed her.  “Lasagne.”

“I was going to treat us to a takeaway,” Becky lied.

“Oh, well, the lasagne will keep.  You can stick it in the fridge and eat it tomorrow,” Carla said.

“What?  No, don’t be ridiculous,” Lisa said.  “We can have takeaway anytime.  And we love your lasagne, don’t we?”

“It’s the best,” Betsy confirmed.

“Great,” Becky said tightly.

She moved to kiss Lisa possessively, coming to sit beside her at the table.  Carla averted her gaze.

“Are you staying then?” she asked Carla directly.

Carla looked and felt awkward.  Lisa immediately cut in.

“Of course she’s staying, Bex,” she said.  “She bloody cooked for us.”

Once upon a time, Carla would have been all swagger.  It had been one of the things that Becky hated most about her.  She had had no qualms about making herself at home here.  It still felt like it was her home.  However, having come so close to being kicked out of the house, out of Lisa’s life forever, she was too scared to risk it.  So this time, she stayed quiet.  They were interrupted by the Alexa timer ringing.  Betsy called for it to stop.  Carla headed for the oven in the kitchen that she had designed years ago with Lisa.  She and Lisa had designed the whole house together.  Her flat was fine but it had never felt like home.

“I’ll help you serve,” Becky offered, following her, while Lisa helped Betsy clear and then set the table.

“Making yourself at home, I see,” Becky remarked quietly.

Carla focused on checking the lasagne, which she had to admit looked delicious.

“I’m just spending time with my daughter,” she said, not looking at Becky.

“And your ex-wife, of course.”

Carla gritted her teeth.

“I mean, she’s not technically my ex-wife yet,” she said.

She couldn’t help it.  There was no need for Becky to hassle her.  For once, she wasn’t doing anything wrong.

“She will be soon.  She’ll be my wife.”

“Maybe,” Carla said.

She turned and reached for the plates from a set that she had bought Lisa for Christmas a few years ago.  She brought them over to begin serving up.

“What’s that meant to mean?” Becky snapped.

“I’m just saying, don’t be so possessive, that’s all,” Carla said tiredly.  “There’s enough of her to go round.  She can be DS Swain, she can be Betsy’s Mum, your partner and my best friend.  Nobody needs to start getting all jealous, do they?”

28^th February 2017

“Hi,” Lisa said.

She knew she looked exhausted.  She had hardly slept for two weeks, since the night that Carla had walked out on her.  She felt like her heart had broken into pieces.  And the longer the situation went on, the more she feared that her wife truly was not coming back.

“Hi,” Carla replied.  “Is she ready?”

“What, you can’t even step through the door now?”

Carla sighed.  She nodded and entered the house.  Her house.  It felt uncomfortable to say the least.

“How are you?” Lisa asked.

“I’m okay,” Carla lied.

She was far from okay.

“How is it on Michelle’s sofa?” Lisa asked.

“Not the best.  I’ve um… started looking at flats,” Carla admitted.

Lisa froze.  She felt like she couldn’t breathe.

“What do you mean, you’re looking at flats?  Carla, you need to come home!”

Carla felt tears sting her eyes at the desperation in her wife’s voice.

“Darling, we’ve talked about this so many times…” she tried.

“Don’t call me ‘darling’,” Lisa snapped bitterly.

Carla sighed.

“Lisa, I really want us to try and stay friends,” she said.

“I don’t want to be your friend.  I want to be your wife.”

Carla closed her eyes.  She had many a retort to that, largely around the idea that Lisa could have thought of that when Carla had actually been living there, waiting up for her, longing for her to come home and be part of their family.

“It’s um… it’s Michelle’s birthday next week,” she ventured.  “She’s having drinks in the pub.  Will you come?”

“Yeah,” Lisa sighed.  “I’m not ditching my mates just because of you.”

“Great.”

“Great.”

7^th March 2017

Betsy was at a sleepover.  Lisa had almost hoped she would get cancelled on at the last minute so she would have to stay at home and look after her.  Alas, no such luck.  Instead, she was wedged into a booth between Dee Dee and Paula, opposite Michelle, Steve and of course, Carla.  Normally, she would have been curled up in Carla’s arms, snuggled and flirting.  They would probably have got drunk and hooked up in the toilets.  Instead, Carla was sat opposite her, looking like an absolute goddess.  Completely unreachable.

“Well, this is awkward, isn’t it?” Paula commented.

“Paula!” Dee Dee hissed, elbowing her.

The two of them worked for the same firm.  Lisa had met them through work and become close friends with Dee Dee years ago.

“Oh, come on,” Paula said.  “It’s a bit odd, sitting with these guys for the first time, post-split.”

Lisa sipped her wine, trying to hold herself together.

“Yeah, I mean, we’re used to them sat here all over each other,” Steve commented.

“Great, thanks,” Carla snapped.  “You’re making it more awkward.”

“Sorry.  You’ve been moping around my house for weeks.”

“For fuck’s sake, Steve!” Michelle scolded, slapping his shoulder.

It helped a little to know that Carla had been moping, that the breakup was hard for Carla too.

“I told you that I was a better choice than her, didn’t I?” Paula declared.  “Years ago, I told you that!”

Drinks had flowed but Lisa didn’t feel any more relaxed, not least because Paula had manoeuvred herself to sit next to Carla had turned up her flirting to 100%.  It was making Lisa feel sick.  Even Dee Dee had told her to dial it down.  Carla had not.  Escaping to the bathroom and contemplating leaving all together, Lisa splashed her face with cold water.  She leant against the sink and stared at her reflection in the mirror, trying to regulate her breathing.  She turned when she heard the door open behind her.

“You alright?” Carla asked.

“Do you care?” Lisa snapped.

“What have I done?”

“Ended our marriage?”

Carla sighed.

“Lisa, I just want to try and carry on a friendship.  Please?”

“And I’m trying!  I’m doing my best, Carla!  But sitting there with Paula practically on your fucking lap isn’t helping, okay?  Have some tact!”

“Paula?  I’m not interested in Paula!  She’s my friend.  She’s been our friend for years.”

“Oh, come off it, Carla.  She’s been lusting after you for as long as she’s known you.  You’re single now.  Perfect opportunity to get into your pants.”

Carla rolled her eyes and headed for a cubicle.  She didn’t actually need the toilet.  She’d only come in to speak to Lisa but now she regretted it.

“Do I get a say in this or…?”

“You’re not exactly pushing her away!” Lisa accused.

“I don’t want Paula!  You’re the only person I’ve wanted for twelve years, Lisa!  Ending things with you doesn’t mean I don’t want you!  I love you!”

“Then why have you broken my heart?” Lisa demanded, crowding into the doorway of the cubicle.

“Because you broke mine first!” Carla yelled.

The two women glared at each other for several moments.  Lisa closed the gap between them, kissing Carla hard.  She nudged her back into the cubicle, closing the door behind them.  Pushing Carla against the wall, her lips never left her as she hands fumbled with her belt, button and zip.  She left her mouth, sinking down onto her knees to guide her jeans and underwear down.

Carla rested her head back against the cool wall, parting her legs as wide as she could.  She moaned loudly, as she felt Lisa warm, familiar mouth settle on her throbbing centre.  She explored her with urgency, a deep need to fulfil them both.  It barely took minutes to bring her to a loud, shuddering climax that made the wall separating the cubicles shake.  There would be no doubt, if anyone had come into the toilets as to what had been going on in cubicle number three.

Lisa withdrew reluctantly, kissing Carla’s thighs.  She took Carla’s hands, allowing her to pull her to her feet.  She helped her pull her trousers up.  Both out of breath, they stood, holding each other for several moments, kissing tenderly.

“We’ve got to stop rowing and having sex,” Carla murmured.

“Yeah,” Lisa breathed.

She buried her face into Carla’s neck, kissing her.

“It’s becoming a bit of a habit,” she realised.

She closed her eyes as Carla stroked her hair.

“Carla, can we please…?”

“Darling…”

Lisa deflated.  She knew she was about to be rejected.  Again.  Taking a breath, she pulled away.

“So, you’re happy for me to go down on you in the loos but you won’t even consider giving me another chance?” she snapped.

“Lisa…”

“Great.  At least I know how much respect you actually have for me.  What you think I’m worth.”

“Lisa, I adore you,” Carla said firmly.  “You and Betsy mean everything to me.  You know that.”

“Sure.  Look, why don’t you just go and fuck Paula?  She obviously wants you.  And you don’t want to be with me anymore.  Go on.  Have fun.  You’re a single woman now.  Live your life!”

She turned and left.

12^th March 2017

Carla was awkward when she opened the door to Lisa.  She had invited her round to see her new flat.  Betsy had already come to stay the night but Carla was anxious to show Lisa her new place.  She also needed to speak to her alone.

“Hi,” she greeted.

“Hi,” Lisa said.

She held out the framed photo of Carla and Betsy she’d had made as a welcome gift.  It was one of her favourite pictures, taken on a day out at the zoo the previous summer.  It had been such a lovely day.  Carla and Betsy were both laughing, cuddling each other.  They both looked so happy.

“Thank you!” Carla said.  “I love it.  Pride of place!”

Lisa smiled.

“I just thought you ought to have something nice to move in with,” she said.

“Thank you,” Carla repeated.

“It’s nice.  The flat.”

Carla offered to show her round, gesturing to the open plan lounge and kitchen, before leading through to what would be Betsy’s room and then her own.  There was a family bathroom and an ensuite.  Lisa felt a pang at the room that would once have been their room, had they been living there as a family.

“Listen, um… I need to tell you something,” Carla said awkwardly, when they returned to the lounge.

Lisa froze.

“What’s up?” she asked anxiously.

“The other night… at the pub?”

Lisa thought back to their encounter in the toilet.  They had seen each since when handing Betsy to each other but not spoken about it.

“I um… well, I got quite drunk.  A couple of nights ago.  I’ve been struggling.  You know, without you.  So yeah, well, I got quite drunk.  And um… well, Paula was there and…”

“You slept with her,” Lisa realised.

Carla hung her head.

“Right.  I mean, I figured it was going to happen.”

Carla looked up sharply.

“Did you?”

“I said she’s been after you for years.  I mean, I kind of hoped you’d wait a bit before you moved on but… well, at least I know where I stand now.  You’ve moved into this place, you’re sleeping with other people.  I’ve definitely lost you, haven’t I?”

“I never wanted to hurt you, Lisa,” Carla said honestly.

“Well, you did, so…”

“You hurt me too.  I tried so hard to stay.  You have no idea.”

“You could have come back,” Lisa said.  “Any time.  Because I’ve changed my shifts.  I’m home more.  You could have come back.  Instead, you’re sleeping with someone else.  So, there’s that.  I mean, I’m assuming it’s not a one off?”

“She wants to see me again,” Carla admitted.

“Great.  Perfect.  Now, I can sit in our group of friends while she rams her tongue down your throat. Wonderful.”

Lisa stormed out without another word.

Next time... in 2017, Lisa struggles with Carla's new relationship while in 2025, she, Carla and Betsy spend the evening together... 

Chapter Text

1^st August 2015

“This is so lovely,” Carla said brightly, squeezing Lisa’s hand, as they strolled through the busy zoo.

Betsy was running excitedly ahead of them, squealing at everything around her.  Lisa smiled happily, leaning against her wife.

“It is,” she said.  “I know I’ve been busy lately, darling, but I do love spending time with you.  You’re my whole world.  I hope you know that.”

Carla smiled at her.  She stole a kiss.

“I know,” she said.  “And you’re mine.  You and Betsy.”

They carried on walking, enjoying the sunshine and the atmosphere.

“Mum!  Mum!” Betsy yelled.  “Come on!  Monkeys!”

Chuckling, Carla led the way forward.  She crouched down to scoop their daughter up so she could see better.

“Hey,” Lisa said, pulling out her phone.

“Smile!”

Carla and Betsy turned, smiling at the camera.  Lisa took the photo.

“Perfect,” Lisa said.  “My beautiful girls.”

2^nd April 2017

Lisa was not enjoying herself.  Dee Dee had dragged her to the pub.  And at the pub, Paula was draped over Carla like she was a table cloth.  She wouldn’t leave her alone.  They may as well just have sex on the floor, as far as Lisa was concerned.  Not that Lisa wanted to see that, particularly.

“I’m really sorry,” Dee Dee said, approaching her at the bar.  “I didn’t know they were coming.”

“It’s fine.  I’ve got to get used to it.  Them.  Together.”

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s going to last.”

“Why not?” Lisa asked quickly.

Hopefully.

“I mean, it’s clearly a rebound, Lisa,” Dee Dee said.  “You and Carla have been together for eleven years.  You only split in February.”

“Valentine’s Day,” Lisa reminded her.

“Yeah.  Harsh.”

“Yeah.”

“There’s no way this is love or anything,” Dee Dee assured her.  “Even Paula knows that.”

Lisa glanced round at Paula and Carla.

“Then why is Paula clinging onto her like she’s a pole dancer and Carla’s the pole?”

“Well, clinging on is the right phrase, isn’t it?” Carla said.  “She told me that Carla talks about you all the time.  Says it pisses her off.”

“She talks about me?”

“All the time.”

Lisa sighed.  She wished that Carla would talk to her.  They had argued (without sex) in the weeks following Carla and Paula getting together and now, instead of being the friends they’d attempted, her wife merely made arrangements to keep things as normal as possible for Betsy, who was doing her best to adjust to life with separated parents.

“Hey.”

Just the sound of Carla’s voice sent a shudder through Lisa.  She closed her eyes, refusing to look at her.  Taking a breath, she opened up, turning to face her.

“Sorry, I think you’ve lost your shadow for a moment,” she said coldly.

Carla laughed self-consciously.

“Yeah.  Thank goodness!”

Lisa looked confused.

“You looked like you were loving all that attention.”

Carla shrugged.

“Bit suffocating.”

“Better than a wife that neglects you, isn’t it?”

“Depends on the wife.”

They both sighed, looking ahead instead of at each other.

“I’m sorry,” Carla eventually said.  “About Paula.  I think she’s insecure.  Possessive.  I’ve tried to tell her.”

“What, that she’s got nothing to be worried about?” Lisa asked.

“No.  Not to be so insensitive.”

Lisa eyed her curiously.

“So, does she have something to be worried about?” she asked hopefully.

Carla sipped her drink.

“I’ll always love you, Sauce.  I wish things could have worked out between us.  But I just… I want us to find a way forward.  Together.  As friends.  Best friends.  Parents.  Please?”

Lisa nodded, although her heart was breaking.

“We can do that,” she agreed.

Carla smiled sadly at her.  She nudged into her shoulder.

“How about tomorrow?” she suggested.

Lisa looked surprised and confused, wondering what she meant.

“I’m taking Bets out for dinner and the cinema.  Why don’t you come?”

“What about her?” Lisa asked, nodding her head in Paula’s direction.

The solicitor was looking right at them, pretending to be engaged in conversation with Michelle and Steve.

“I don’t mix Paula and Betsy together,” Carla said.  “I don’t know where things are going.  Probably nowhere.  I don’t want to introduce Betsy to anyone I’m not sure of, especially not so soon.  I know she knows Paula but not as a girlfriend.  And anyway, anyone either of us date has to agree that, surely?  I know we’re not together anymore, Sauce but you’ll always mean everything to me.  Everything.”

Lisa could feel herself melting at Carla’s words.  She always did.  Always had.

“Film and dinner sounds good,” she relented.  “Just let me know what time.”

3^rd April 2017

Carla was struggling to concentrate on the film.  She had Betsy on one side of her and Lisa on the other side.  She’d looked absolutely breathtaking from the moment they’d met up at the shopping complex.  And she smelled absolutely divine.  And now, as they got more comfortable in their seats, it was becoming harder and harder not to just sink against her, the way they always used to at the cinema.  In fact, back in the day, before they’d had Betsy, they’d had quite a few particularly nice cinema dates that she could recall.

Giving up her own boundaries, she allowed her hand to wander over to Lisa’s thigh, taking her hand, which had been resting on it.  She saw Lisa glance at her for a moment, tense and then relax.  They held hands for the rest of the film, stroking each other’s fingers.

Carla told herself it meant nothing, that they were allowed to offer each other comfort and affection.  They were still friends, after all.  Best friends, in fact.  But the truth was, Carla would always be in love with Lisa.  She might have left but she had never let her go.  She couldn’t.

30^th January 2025

“Can you stay and watch a film with us, Mum?” Betsy asked hopefully, when they had all finished eating.

“Oh, no, I’d better get off,” Carla said.  “I’ve probably outstayed my welcome.”

“You’re welcome to stay,” Lisa told her.

If she saw the look of irritation on Becky’s face, she ignored it.

“Honestly, I’d better go.  Things to see, people to do and all that.”

“Yeah, she’s probably got some Tinder date already set up,” Becky remarked.

Lisa pushed down the flare of jealousy she always felt when she imagined Carla hooking up with some random.  She knew it was entirely unreasonable.  She’d been in a relationship for three years.  She was engaged.  Carla could be with whoever she wanted.  It wasn’t fair to wish she was alone.

“Yeah,” Carla said, clearly uncomfortable.  “Sure.  You know me.”

“I wish you could stay,” Betsy said earnestly.  “It’s been ages since we had a night together as a family.”

Carla felt conflicted.  The one thing she had always tried to do was be there for her daughter, to never let her down.  She looked helplessly at Lisa who shrugged.

“You’re welcome to stay, Carla,” was all she said.

“What are we watching?” the brunette eventually asked.

“Yes!” Betsy said, elated.

Becky grimaced.  The last thing she wanted was more of Carla’s company.  She’d hardly been able to bear the way Carla had been looking at Lisa over dinner.  To be fair to her, she hadn’t been flirting with her, the way she usually did but the sad look of longing was almost worse.  Lisa had been careful not to look back but Becky knew it still wasn’t over between them.  She just didn’t know what more she could do to shut Carla out of her family and keep Lisa to herself.

“Why don’t you go and choose something?” Lisa suggested.  “We’ll finish clearing up and join you in a bit?”

“You mean, we’ll narrow it down and you’ll be the final judge like always?” Carla joked, rising from the table.

“Well, obviously!” Lisa laughed, also rising.

“Why does she have to stay?” Becky asked, as soon as they were alone.

Lisa sighed.

“Because Betsy wants to spend time with her Mum,” she said tiredly, bending to start stacking the dishwasher.

“She spends plenty of time with her Mum,” Becky snapped.

“Becky, I’m not doing anything wrong,” Lisa snapped back.  “We’re following all the rules you put in place.  She’s not even being herself anymore, to the point I actually feel worried about her.  It’s like she’s lost her spark.  It’s weird.”

“Oh, you miss all the flirting, do you?”

Lisa rolled her eyes.  She was sick of having the same conversation all the time.  She put the plates in the dishwasher with a little more force.

Carla sat in the middle seat of the sofa with Betsy tucked into her side.  They had narrowed the film choices down to Wicked or the original Bridget Jones in preparation for the new one coming out the following month.  They announced their choices to Lisa and Becky when they entered the lounge.

“I hate musicals,” Becky declared.

Carla looked aghast.

“What kind of gay are you?” she asked.

“I’m a lesbian.  Not a gay man.”
“But… I mean, we all like musicals.  It’s a rite of passage.  Part of the initiation.  I mean, you don’t even pass your Queer exam if you don’t like musicals!”

Beside her, Betsy was giggling uncontrollably.

“And Wicked.  I mean, even the straight people love Wicked.  How can you not love Wicked?  Come on… give it a try.”

“I don’t even like The Wizard of Oz,” Becky told her.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Carla!” Lisa gasped but Carla could tell she wanted to laugh.

Betsy laughed even harder than before.  Becky was furious.  Carla apologised.

“Just… who doesn’t like The Wizard of Oz?  Dorothy and her friends.  Her little dog too?  I mean…  I am flummoxed.”

“I just don’t like it.  And as for musicals in general, I don’t like people bursting into song for no reason.  Is that alright with you?”

“Not really but whatever,” Carla mumbled.  “Bridget Jones then?”

“I don’t like rewatching films,” Becky said.

“Oh, for…!” Carla exclaimed.

“Are there any other options?” Lisa asked.

“No,” Betsy said.  “Just these two.  We want to watch one of these.”

“Fine.  I’ll go and watch something more interesting upstairs.”

Becky stomped out of the room.  Lisa hesitated.  Carla offered her a cheeky smile.  She looked suddenly like her old self.  It warmed Lisa’s heart.  Deciding that Becky had chosen to walk away, Lisa moved further into the room, slipping under the blanket that Carla and Betsy were tucked under.

“Wicked, please,” she requested, snuggling in.

“Your wish is our command,” Carla said.  “Go for it, Bets.”

Betsy selected the film happily.  She cast a glance at her parents, sat so comfortably beside each other, despite their circumstances.  She longed for them to get back together.

Next time... in 2007, Carla and Lisa make plans and in 2017, they continue to struggle being apart...

Chapter Text

1^st January 2007

“Happy New Year!” everyone chorused.

Carla and Lisa’s friends were all piled into their lounge, just as they were did year.  The couple held each other close, kissing tenderly.  They rested their foreheads together.

“Here’s to a better year, eh, darling?” Carla said softly.

“A better year,” Lisa agreed, holding her partner close.

They kissed again, full of love and longing.

“I’m so proud of you my darling,” Lisa said.

“What, for completely falling apart?”

“For surviving,” Lisa said.  “For getting through all that pain.  All that grief.”

“We got through it together.  I know I wouldn’t have done.  Not without you.”

She pulled Lisa into a tight hug, kissing the top of her head.

3^rd January 2007

Carla and Lisa were enjoying a glass of wine over dinner.  Lisa had taken her partner to a new restaurant she knew she had been itching to try and it had not disappointed.  They held hands across the table, waiting for their desserts to arrive.

“Sauce…?” Carla ventured.

Lisa looked up.  She knew that tone.

“What do you think about trying again?”

The question caught her off guard.

“A baby?” Lisa asked.

Carla nodded.

“Are you ready?” Lisa asked.

Carla cleared her throat.

“Not exactly,” Carla admitted.  “I don’t think I could… go through that again.”

She looked at Lisa through her long lashes, watched her use her Detective skills to work out what she was truly asking.

“You want me to have the baby,” Lisa realised.

When they had tried before, Lisa had been excited to be a Mum, to become a family with Carla.  And she had been surprised at herself.  They’d only been together a year when they’d decided to look into it.  Lisa had thought she’d need more stability than that.  Then she’d realised that Carla gave her all the stability she needed.  She had never felt so complete than when she and Carla were together.  She knew there was nobody else in the world she wanted to be with than Carla Connor.  However, she hadn’t been keen to be the one to carry the baby.  She was on a clear path to become a DS someday in the future.  She didn’t want anything to veer her off course.

“Sorry,” Carla said softly, sipping her wine.  “I shouldn’t have brought it up.  I know you don’t want to.”

Lisa caught the level of disappointment in Carla’s voice.  They had both been in pain since the miscarriage.  They were both grateful, however, that it had brought them closer together.

“Hey, it’s okay,” she said gently, squeezing Carla’s hand.  “We can talk about it.”

Carla’s eyes lit up just a little.

“I don’t want to give up on having a family, Pickle,” Lisa said.  “And I don’t want you to put yourself through something traumatic because of my job.”

“You’d consider it?” Carla asked.

Lisa nodded.

“Of course I will,” Lisa said.  “Why don’t we book an appointment?  See what our options are?”

Carla beamed at her.

“You’re amazing.  Do you know that?”

“Yeah,” Lisa chuckled.  “I know.”

“I am absolutely going to reward you for this when we get home.”

True to her word, Carla had taken Lisa straight to bed as soon as they had got home.

“Carla!  Carla, I’m…  Oh!”

Carla kissed her hard, as she continued to thrust two fingers deep inside her.  The pad of her thumb pressed firmly on her clit.  Lisa cried out against her mouth as she came, clenching tight against her.  Carla smiled against her lips, deepening their kiss.

“I love the way you scream my name,” she whispered.

She slowly withdrew her soaking fingers, moving down the bed until she was settled between Lisa’s thighs. She let out a low moan, as she began kissing her legs, nudging them apart.

“Carla…” Lisa groaned.

“What?” Carla grinned.  “You’re absolutely soaking, DC Saucepot.  It’s my duty of care…”

Lisa chuckled, although it was cut short when she felt Carla tongue begin to swipe through her wet folds.  She gripped Carla’s hair a little too tight as Carla set to work, bringing her to yet another shuddering climax.

16^th July 2017

“Off you go and play with your mates,” Lisa said to Betsy when they arrived at Steve and Michelle’s barbeque.

Her daughter nodded and dashed off to find her friends.

“Alright, Sauce?”

Lisa turned and smiled affectionately at her wife.  Why did she always have to look so stunning?

“Hey, Pickle,” she replied.

“We sound like barbeque sides.”

Lisa chuckled.

“Paula here?”

“Chatting to Dee Dee.  They’re working on some massive case together.”

“I think I know which one,” Lisa said.

She had spent months closing the case of a serial killer.  It had been keeping her awake at night.  Now her friends were defending him.

“Right.  Another thing to pit you against each other?”

“Something like that.  Still together then?”

“Kind of.”

Lisa looked at her, wondering, hoping that perhaps things were going wrong, that Carla might come back to her.

“Not going well?”

Carla sighed, looking between Paula and Lisa.  The truth was, she wasn’t entirely sure how she had ended up dating Paula.  Well, she did know.  And it had involved a lot of Jack Daniels.  And grief.  Paula had always flirted with her.  She had always made it clear that she’d wanted her.  Carla had only ever had eyes for Lisa, from the first moment they’d met.  All she wanted was to apologise and ask her wife for another chance.  But every time she plucked up the courage to do so, she remembered all the pain and loneliness she’d experienced towards the end of their marriage.  She couldn’t bear to go through it again.  Losing Lisa once was excruciating.  Losing her twice would kill her.  And so, for the first time in twelve years, she had sought solace in another woman’s arms.  And she felt just as lonely.

“We had a row and she had a one night stand with someone else,” she explained, shoving her hands in her pockets, leaning against the wall of the house.

“Darling, I’m sorry,” Lisa said genuinely.

Regardless of anything else, she hated to think of Carla being hurt.  She deserved better than that.  Carla shrugged.  Her skin tingled where Lisa’s placed a gentle hand on her arm.

“I’m not that into her anyway.”

“You’re not?” Lisa asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

“That’s what the argument was about.  She’s a rebound.  She knows it.”

“Oh.”

The two women looked at each other longingly.

It was perhaps inevitable that Carla came home with Lisa and Betsy that evening, under the guise of spending more time with her daughter and tucking her into bed.  She and Paula had barely spoken all evening, except to snap at each other.  Paula had eventually gone home early in a huff, unimpressed with Carla spending most of the evening talking to her ex-wife.

“Right, that’s the little one tucked into bed,” Carla announced, appearing in the lounge.  “Five stories later.”

“You are so easy!” Lisa laughed.  “Honestly.  No boundaries!  She gets two stories tops with me.  She knows she can walk all over you.”

Carla shrugged, flopping onto the sofa and stretching out lazily.

“I like it,” she admitted.  “Snuggling up with her and reading until she falls asleep.  It makes me happy.”

Lisa smiled affectionately at her.

“I know it does,” she said.

“I never had it when I was a kid.  Nobody to read me stories.  Nobody to tuck me in.  I’ll be sad when the day comes that she doesn’t want me to do it anymore.”

“I think it’ll be a while yet,” Lisa said, reaching out and squeezing her hand.

They maintained contact.

“And even when she doesn’t need stories, that bond you have?  It’ll still be there.  She’ll want to tell you her secrets.  She’ll want to keep you close.  Always.  She worships the ground you walk on.  As she should.”

Carla looked bashful.  She reached for the glass of wine that Lisa had poured her, lifting it in thanks.  Lisa grabbed hers.  They clinked their glasses together and sipped.

“She worships you too, you know,” Carla said.  “In case you didn’t know.”

“Nah,” Lisa said dismissively.  “I screwed everything up.  I know that.”

“No.  She adores you, Lisa.  She looks up to you.  Admires you.  As she should.  You’re incredible.”

“I don’t think so…”

Carla put both their glasses down, looking into Lisa’s eyes.

“You’re incredible,” she said seriously.  “Please just take the compliment.”

Lisa knew she was blushing.  She could feel the heat in her face.  She was trembling at Carla being so close to her.  It seemed silly, to feel so excited to be touched by this woman, twelve years on, but it was a feeling that had never gone away.

“Okay,” she said softly.  “I accept the compliment.  Thank you.”

Carla smiled lovingly at her, moving just a little closer.  With shaky fingers, Lisa reached out and stroked her beautiful, dark hair.  It was all the encouragement Carla needed to close the gap between them, kissing Lisa softly.  Lisa closed her eyes, savouring the sensation of Carla’s lips upon her own.  Their tongues slow danced, chests pressed tightly together.  Her whole body tingled, as Carla wrapped herself around her.  She felt Carla’s hands begin to wander.  She wanted to ask what this meant but she didn’t want to ruin the moment with questions.  She just wanted Carla.

She slipped her hands inside Carla’s shirt, quickly removing it.  Carla paused, smiling at her before she began kissing her neck and dexterously undoing her shirt buttons.  She kissed every exposed bit of flesh before whipping her shirt off and flinging it onto the floor.  Reaching behind her, she undid her bra, immediately capturing her left nipple between her lips.

Lisa lay back on the couch cushions, gasping at the attention Carla was offering her.  She unhooked Carla’s bra, releasing her and teasing her with her fingers.  She tilted her chin upwards so she could kiss her lips.

“You’re so beautiful,” she whispered.

Carla gazed lovingly at her.

“So beautiful,” Carla agreed, kissing her again.  “I’ve missed this so much.”

Both undoing each other’s jeans, they slipped inside each other’s underwear, Carla still leaning over Lisa.  They smirked at each other, becoming very aware of how turned on they both were.

“Together?” Carla breathed.

“Together,” Lisa nodded, as they both settled in familiar positions, fingers inside, thumbs circling over their most sensitive places.

They kissed hard as they brought each other up and over the edge.  They both cried out in ecstasy, Carla collapsing on top of Lisa, who held her close.

“Stay the night with me?” Lisa asked.

Carla hesitated, worrying about Betsy bursting in and getting the wrong idea.  But she couldn’t say no.  She couldn’t turn down a night in their bed, in Lisa’s arms.

“Absolutely,” she whispered.  “And um… more of this?”

She grinned wickedly.

“It’s been so long, Sauce.  I want to make to come until you forget your own name.”

Next time... in 2006, Lisa celebrates her 30th birthday and in present day, she spends another happy evening with Carla and Betsy...

Chapter Text

30th January 2025

“Oh, that was so lovely!” Lisa said.

“Yeah, we kind of guessed from all the crying,” Carla teased, nudging into her.

“And the singing,” Betsy asked.

“Hey, we were all singing,” Lisa reminded her.

“And some of us have better voices that others,” Betsy pointed out.

“Oh, I like your Mum’s voice,” Carla defended.  “Sort of.”

Lisa furrowed her brow, not sure whether she was being complimented or insulted.

“That’s just because you love everything about Mum.  Nobody in their right mind would hear Mum’s voice and love it,” Betsy told her.

“Harsh!” Lisa protested, folded her arms and sulking.

“Aww,” Carla said, putting her arm around her.  “I love your voice.  It’s cute.  Out of tune.  But cute.”

“I still don’t have any idea if you’re insulting me or not,” Lisa said, snuggling into her.

“Bit of both,” Carla said, enjoying the way Lisa leant again her.

Carla put her free arm around Betsy, enjoying holding both her girls close.

“Well, I guess I’d better head home,” she sighed.  “Leave you in peace.”

“Oh, do you have to?” Betsy frowned.

“I’m afraid so,” Carla said.  “But I’ll see you in a couple of days, okay?  We’re going bowling, aren’t we?”

“Can Mum come?” Betsy asked hopefully.

“Fancy it?” Carla asked.  “If you’re not working?”

Lisa smiled happily.

“Sure,” she said.  “I’d love to.”

Carla and Betsy both beamed at her.

“Pick you up after school,” Carla said.

She turned to Lisa.

“Meet you there?  We’re having burgers at half four if you can make it?”

“I’ll check my rota but I’ll make it if I can,” Lisa promised.

“Great,” Carla said softly, thrilled at the prospect of getting to spend another evening with her wife and daughter.

She just hoped that Becky wouldn’t interfere somehow.

“Right, well I’ll say goodnight,” Betsy said, hugging both her mothers.  “See you on Monday, Mum!”

She disappeared up the stairs.

“I’ll see you out,” Lisa offered.  “Thanks for another entertaining evening.”

They stood up, both stretching and heading for the front door.

“I mean, it was your singing that set it apart,” Carla smirked.

Lisa slapped her playfully on the arm.

“Ow!” Carla laughed, rubbing her bicep.  “See you Monday?”

“Look forward to it,” Lisa said, hugging her tightly.

She closed her eyes, as she felt Carla’s lips find her cheek.  It was the softest of kisses, the briefest.  And yet Lisa was still thinking about it as she watched Carla walk down the path to her car.  She was still thinking about it, as she tidied up the lounge and headed up to bed, where Becky was waiting, not looking very happy.

“Nice night?  I heard you laughing.  And singing.”

“Yeah, it was a lovely film.”

“That you’ve already seen.”

“Yeah, we’ve seen it but we love Wicked.  We went all the way down to London to see it on stage years ago.”

Becky rolled her eyes.

“Bex, we are allowed to have different interests,” Lisa said.  “I mean, sometimes it would be nice if you tried to share some of my interests but…”

“I do!” Becky snapped.

“You actually don’t.”

“Like what?”

“Well, like musicals, Eurovision…”

“Ugh.  Eurovision is fucking ridiculous.”

“Well, yeah.  That’s the point.  We have amazing Eurovision parties and you refuse to come.”

“I’m aware.”

Lisa sighed tiredly and began to get changed.

“But I try and get involved in all your stuff,” she said.

“No, you don’t,” Becky denied.  “Name something you’ve got into for me.”

“Basketball, cars, horse riding.  I didn’t even like horses until I met you.  They scared me.  But I come down to the stables with you.  I’ve learnt to ride.  I even muck them out!”

“Sorry it’s such a pain for you to spend time with beautiful animals,” Becky said sourly.

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Lisa said, slipping into her pyjama top and sitting on the bed.  “It’s not.  Because I made the effort to start with.  I tried.  And I found that actually, they are beautiful.  I like them.  And cars are quite interesting.  Basketball is fun to watch.  And play.  I mean, it’s not football but it’s fun.”

Becky rolled her eyes.

“So, maybe if you gave some of the things that I like doing, a go, you might feel the same.”

“I know I won’t like musicals.”

“Exactly how I felt about horses,” Lisa said.

“Well, it means you can enjoy all that shit with Carla, doesn’t it?” Becky said, watching Lisa stand to head into the ensuite to brush her teeth.  “I assume you thoroughly enjoyed spending the evening with her?”

“It was lovely,” Lisa said sharply.  “Me, her and Bets are going bowling on Monday.  You’re not invited.”

10^th May 2006

If she hadn’t been very drunk, Lisa would have cringed at her friends, Dee Dee, Paula and Michelle, plus her girlfriend, Carla, shrieking ‘happy birthday’ to her at the top of their lungs as they made their way from the final club they had been to, back to their hotel.  It was her 30^th birthday and the five of them were on holiday in Ibiza.  They’d so far had a lovely time.  The week had been full of sun, sand, sea and a lot of alcohol.  And at least for Carla and Lisa, a lot of sex too.  Their friends had even banged on the wall a few times to tell them to shut up.

“Ooh, a tattoo place!  What about a birthday tattoo?!” Paula joked.

“I heart Carla!” Dee Dee teased.

“I don’t think so!” Lisa refused.

“You don’t love me?” Carla fretted, slurring slightly.

“With all my heart but I am not getting a tattoo,” Lisa said, kissing her cheek.

“They do piercings,” Paula said.  “You could get a piercing.”

“You could get one those naughty ones.  I hear they make sex amazing,” Michelle enthused.

“Yeah, sex is amazing enough, thanks,” Carla said, slipping her arm around Lisa’s waist.

“I could get a piercing…” Lisa considered.

Carla’s eyebrows nearly shot off her face.

“Not there!” Lisa laughed.  “Maybe my belly button.  I’ve always thought I might like to do that.  What do you think?”

“I think it’d be hot,” Carla said.

Pleased, Lisa led the way inside the small building, her friends and girlfriend following her inside.

29^th May 2006

“This thing has been frustrating the hell of me, you know,” Carla said.  “Not being able to play with it.”

Lisa lay back on the bed while Carla kissed her tummy.  She kissed around her girlfriend’s piercing, making her skin tingle.

“And I was right, it is hot,” she added, gazing up at her, over the curve of her breasts, at her beautiful face.  Her own tummy was pressed between her thighs.  She could feel wet heat radiating from her and was thoroughly enjoying it.

She kissed the piercing before beginning to toy with it with her tongue.

“Oh!” Lisa said, surprised at the effect it had on her.

Carla looked up at her with a smirk on her face.

“Good?” she asked.

“I mean, your tongue even seems to turn my piercing on so, well done you,” Lisa joked.

Carla grinned and continued playing with the piercing.  Lisa felt a jolt zip through her, like Carla was teasing a nerve.  She felt herself grow wetter.  Carla felt it too.  Enjoyed it.  She began to kiss from Lisa’s navel, down between her legs.

“Mmm…” she moaned.  “Well, this is absolutely delicious, isn’t it?”

She offered a long, delicate lick through Lisa’s centre.  Lisa groaned loudly, turning Carla on more.  She knew her so well but every day felt like a new discovery.  She could never get enough.

3^rd February 2025

Lisa wasn’t having a great day.  The only thing pushing her on was the idea of spending the evening with Carla and Betsy.  Although, that in itself had caused problems.  She and Becky had argued over it several times, with Becky not wanting her to go.  Lisa had refused to deny herself an evening with her daughter, pointing out that it wouldn’t be long before Betsy was too cool to want to hang out with her parents.  They thought they were probably overdue the time already.  She was going to take any opportunity she had.  Becky had kicked off about Lisa and Carla spending time together.  Lisa had argued that they weren’t doing anything wrong, that they were sticking to the rules.

“Oh, here she is!” Carla said.  “Late, as ever!”

“Sorry!” Lisa said.  “Interview ran over.”

She picked up a menu.

“We ordered for you,” Carla assured her.

Lisa opened her mouth.

“Double cheese burger, no tomato, fries, barbeque sauce and a Pepsi Max,” Carla recited.

“How…?”

“Darling, we’ve been coming here with Bets for how long?  And how many times have you deviated from your same order?”

Lisa chuckled and shook her head.

“I feel like that was roundabout way of calling me boring!”

“If the cap fits…” Betsy chimed in.

“Hey!” Carla protested.  “I would call you a lot of things, Sauce, but I would never call you boring.”

“Oh yeah?  What would you call me?” Lisa asked.

“Kind, intelligent, a fantastic Mum, bossy as hell…”

“Hey!  I thought I was getting compliments here!” Lisa laughed.

“I mean, I didn’t say I didn’t like it!” Carla said, raising her eyebrows and making Lisa blushed.

“Oh, gross!” Betsy complained.

Lisa buried her head in her hands but Carla just grinned.  She had no shame.

“So, where was I?  Bossy as hell…”

Betsy made a retching sound.

“A brilliant Detective, funny, absolutely gorgeous…”

They allowed themselves to gaze at each other a little too long.  Betsy studied them curiously.

“And um…” Carla added, clearing her throat.  “Terrible at bowling so I’m afraid I am going to kick your arse later.  Sorry not sorry.”

Lisa chuckled.

“That’s what you think!”

“Oh yeah, competitive.  Very competitive.  Even in the face of terrible loss!”

Lisa was losing and she wasn’t happy about it.  At least Carla wasn’t winning.  Betsy was miles ahead of both of them and she and Carla were fighting for second place.  The whole evening had been so much fun.  Even last, she couldn’t stop laughing.

“Right, come on, baby, you can do this.  I believe in you!” Carla encouraged.

Lisa chuckled, picking up a ball.

“Maybe it’s because she’s so little,” Betsy joked from her seat.  “Maybe she needs the kiddie balls.”

“And the bumpers up!” Carla added.

Lisa turned round.

“I’m big enough to lob this at you two, you know!” she warned.

She turned round and positioned herself at the end of the lane.

“Come on, put your arse into it.”

“Carla!” Lisa complained, turning back round.

“Sorry.  Just giving you advice.”

“That was not advice and you know it,” Lisa said.

Carla smirked.

“Fine, it was a request,” she said.  “Whatever.”

“You’re such a…”

Carla stood up and pressed herself directly against Lisa.  She heard her breath catch, as she took the hand holding the bowling ball, bringing it backwards.

“Do feel free to put your arse into it,” Carla whispered into her ear.  “Seriously.”

She held onto her breath, as she felt Lisa press just a little against her.  She put her free hand on Lisa’s hip as they sent the bowling ball gliding quickly down the lane.  They stood up straight without stepping away from each other.

“Is that a strike?” Lisa asked, when  all the pins clattered to the floor.

“It’s a strike, darling,” Carla confirmed.

Lisa turned around and flung herself into her arms, squeezing tightly, jumping them up and down.  Betsy watched, wondering why they couldn’t just get back together.  To anyone watching, the three of them looked like any other, normal family.  Two parents, one kid, out bowling on a Monday night.  Why did her Mum have to be engaged to Becky?  Why did her other Mum have to be living on her own in some flat she’d never called home?  Why couldn’t they just all be happy together again?

“Good night?” Becky asked when Lisa and Betsy walked through the front door.

“Yeah, it was great,” Lisa said.  “I came second!”

“Only because Mum helped you get those strikes,” Betsy pointed out.

“I still came second,” Lisa said triumphantly.

“And I won!” Betsy declared, equally triumphantly.

“Wait, Carla deliberately lost?” Becky asked.

“Yeah,” Lisa said, wishing Betsy hadn’t opened her mouth.

She hung both their coats up and put their shoes away.

“Why would she do that?” Becky asked.

“She was being nice,” Lisa said.  “She felt sorry for me.  She doesn’t care about winning.  She’s not that kind of person.  You know, competitive.”

“What kind of person isn’t competitive?” Becky wondered.

Lisa shrugged.  Family game nights with Carla and family game nights with Becky were vastly different.  It was the one way that Becky and Lisa were more similar than Lisa and Carla.  Becky was extremely competitive and took no prisoners.  Games had descended into full scale rows in the past, things had become so intense. But although Carla liked to joke about it and was actually naturally fairly good at games, she’d happily let someone else win if it made them happy.  She was just that kind of person.  Ruthless in business, relaxed in a board game.

“Well, Carla, I suppose,” Lisa said vaguely.  “Not everyone plays like me and you.”

“That’s not normal.”

Lisa shrugged, heading into the kitchen.  Betsy had already escaped upstairs.  Becky followed Lisa into the kitchen, offering her a cup of tea.  Lisa accepted, pulling up a chair.

“Lisa, I need to tell you something,” Becky ventured.

Lisa paused.

“What’s up?”

“I’m not happy about this arrangement anymore.”

Lisa forced herself not to roll her eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“You and Carla, constantly hanging out, in each other’s pockets all the time.”

“Becky, we’re hardly in each other’s pockets.  We spend time with our daughter together.”

“It’s almost every night!”

“It’s been two nights in a week!” Lisa snapped back.

“Well, I don’t like it!” Becky yelled, the making of tea long forgotten.  “I want us to go back to the old plan.  The two of you not spending time together.”

“No.”

Becky looked startled.

“What do you mean, no?”

“I mean, no.”

“Lisa, if you don’t ditch her, I’ll walk.  I will.  I’ll leave.  I’ll pack my stuff and I’ll walk out of here.  That’ll be it.  We’ll be over.”

Lisa swallowed.  She loved Becky.  They’d been good for each other for three years.  Becky had come into her life when she had been heartbroken.  Carla had hurt her so badly.  She’d put herself on the line and Carla had completely rejected her.  While they had been in bed together.  Becky had appeared like a light in the darkness, saying and doing all the right things.  But it didn’t feel like that now.  Now it felt absolutely exhausting.

“Fine,” she said.  “Go.”

Next time... in 2005, Carla and Lisa go on their first holiday together and Carla has a question for Lisa...

Chapter Text

31^st January 2005

“Is it completely ridiculous to celebrate a month together?” Carla wondered.

She and Lisa were sat together at a beautiful tea room she had found.  In the morning, they had exchanged gifts and cards.  They both felt like they were on cloud nine and it had been that way since they’d met.  It had been a bit of a debate as to whether their anniversary ought to be the 31^st, 1^st or the 7^th.  They had gone on their first date on the 7^th, deciding then that they were definitely going to make a go of things.  They had slept together, technically on the 1^st.  But they’d met and formed their connection on the 31^st.  And really, it had been on sight that they had known this was something real.

“Well, if it is, I’m happy being ridiculous,” Lisa told her, sipping her tea.

Carla beamed at her.

“I have never done this kind of thing before,” she admitted.  “You bring out the sap in me, Lisa Swain.”

Lisa chuckled.

“Good,” she said.  “I like it when you’re sappy.”

She leant closer, stealing a kiss.

“Have I mentioned you look beautiful today?” Carla whispered.

“A couple of times,” Lisa said.  “But I don’t get tired of hearing it.”

“You look beautiful today,” Carla told her.

“You look pretty damn cute yourself,” Lisa replied.  “Just in case you didn’t know.”

They kissed again.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Carla asked, nerves creeping into her voice.

“Of course,” Lisa said.  “I love secrets.”

Carla sipped the Prosecco that had been brought with the tea.  She finished the glass.

“I’m in love with you, DC Saucepot,” she admitted.

Lisa gazed at her, blinking a couple of times.  Carla swallowed, fretting that she had ruined their relationship with seven simple words.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Lisa asked.

Carla nodded anxiously.

“I’m in love with you too, Pickle.”

7^th June 2005

“I am so sick of that bloody woman!” Lisa complained.  “Everywhere we go, she’s there, glaring at us.  Making comments.  We’re just trying to enjoy our holiday.  We’re not harming anyone.  We’re just trying to have a nice time.”

“I can hear you, you know!” came a bitter voice from the other side of the adjoining wall.

“Well stop bloody listening and enjoy your own holiday!” Carla snapped, pulling Lisa into a hug.

Nestled into Carla’s embrace, they gazed out, over the balcony to the beautiful view ahead of them.  The sun was shimmering on the sea they had just been snorkelling in.  Tourists were still spread across the sand, enjoying the afternoon.

“Try not to let her bother you, sweetheart,” Carla said quietly.  “It’s exactly like you said.  This is our holiday.  Our first holiday and we can’t let some homophobic bitch spoil it.  Okay?”

Lisa nodded.

“Sorry for getting wound up,” she said.

Carla hugged her a little tighter.

“I should know by now how to stand up for myself,” Lisa said.  “It’s not like I have experienced discrimination before.  I’m a bloody copper.”

“I know but we’re on holiday.  You’re not a copper on holiday.  Your defences are down.”

She kissed the top of Lisa’s head.  Lisa tilted her face upwards  to capture her lips.  They heard a ‘tut’ from the other side of wall.  They kissed harder.

“I mean, we could just give her a show?” Lisa murmured.  “Teach her a lesson?  Completely freak her out?”

Carla caught Lisa’s smirk and matched it.

“Show her what she’s missing,” she said.  “I mean, maybe that’s the problem.  There’s not a lot of satisfaction on her side of the wall.”

Lisa chuckled.  She sat back on the sun lounger, pulling Carla on top of her.  They heard a louder ‘tut’ and were clearly being watched by their neighbour. 

Carla trailed kisses down Lisa’s neck, slipped her hand inside her t-shirt.  Lisa moaned loudly.

“Linda, stop looking over the wall!” came a gruff, male voice.

Lisa and could only giggle through their kisses.

“Are you sure about this?” Carla checked.

Lisa nodded.  She allowed Carla to remove her t-shirt, leaving her exposed.  When they’d returned to their apartment, they’d showered from the sea, throwing t-shirts and shorts on, not bothering with bras, to relax on the balcony, soak up the sun and read.  Then they’d heard next door talking about them and the afternoon had taken a turn.

“Have you seen what they’re doing?” Linda shrieked.

“Leave them alone!” her husband begged, although he did then clear his throat.

Ignoring them both, Carla set to work, kissing Lisa’s breasts, taking her excited nipples into her mouth and sucking hard.  Lisa closed her eyes, moaning.  She grasped for Carla’s t-shirt, pulling it eagerly over her head.  She guided her closer so she could the same kind of attention she had received.  All the while, there was a running commentary from next door.

They kissed hard, as their hands found their way into each other’s shorts, teasing, exploring, building each other up and past the point of no return.

“This is disgusting!” Linda shrieked.

“Stop fucking watching us then!” Carla laughed, casting a glance in her direction.

Linda turned pink and ducked her head back down.  Lisa pulled Carla in for a searing kiss.

“Can I really show her what she’s missing?” she asked wickedly.

Carla blushed and nodded, allowing them to switch places.  Lisa stood, bending to guide Carla’s shorts off.  Linda made an unintelligible sound next door.  Lisa helped Carla shuffle closer to the end of the sunbed.  She knelt at the end of it.  Carla was extremely aware of how wet she was, the dark look in Lisa’s eye only turning her on more.

Lisa ducked her head, licking and kissing her way up one thigh and then the other before she reached her centre.

“Oh my…!” Linda cried.

“I think that’s my line!” Carla gasped, throwing her head back, as Lisa thrust her tongue inside her.

She circled her entrance before making her way all the way up to her clit.  Carla moaned loudly, gripping her own thighs, as Lisa teased and tasted her, bring her closer and closer to climax.  She came loudly.  Twice. Forgetting all about Linda.  Forgetting where she was entirely.

Pleased with herself, Lisa wiped her mouth and came to lie atop Carla on the sunbed.  She kissed her mouth.  Carla moaned, as she tasted herself on Lisa’s tongue.

“That was so fucking good,” she said.  “I didn’t realise you were such an exhibitionist.”

“Mmm… me neither!” Lisa admitted.

Carla grinned at her.

“I love learning new things about you, Sauce,” she said.

17^th December 2005

It was approaching Christmas.  Carla and Lisa had treated themselves to a weekend in London to see the Christmas lights, indulge in some shopping and enjoy a weekend away before they were launched into the holiday period.  They were spending their first Christmas together at Steve and Michelle’s house.  They had never been happier in their lives.  Walking back to their hotel room from the Aldwych Theatre in London, where they had been to see Fame!, they held hands, enjoying the cool night air.

“Have you had a nice evening?” Carla asked.

“Perfect,” Lisa said.  “It’s been so lovely taking a proper break and coming down here with you.  It’s been romantic.”

She leant into Carla, who dropped her hand to put her arm around her.  They walked up the steps, into their hotel, smiling at the receptionist and heading for the lift.  Inside, they kissed, eager to get to their room.

Inside the room, Carla sat on the bed.  Lisa sat beside her, running her hand through Carla’s dark hair.  She kissed her lovingly.

“Lisa, what do you think about starting a family?”

Lisa dropped her hand, eyeing her quizzically.  Carla panicked.

“You think it’s ridiculous,” she decided.

“What?  No.  No, I don’t.  I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“You’ve never thought about it?  Being a Mum?”

“Honestly?  No.  Kids weren’t part of my plan.  I didn’t realise they were part of yours.  I guess… we’ve never talked about it.”

Carla let out a slow breath.

“They weren’t part of my plan,” she admitted.  “I just… recently, I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it.”

Lisa watched her carefully.

“Why do you think that is?” she wondered.

“Maybe… because of you?  Because of us?” Carla suggested.  “Because I love you so much.  Because I finally feel so safe, so happy, so settled.  And it just made me start thinking about the future, I suppose.  About what I want it to look like.  Am I just being absolutely ridiculous?”

A small smile tugged the corners of Lisa’s mouth.

“I don’t think so,” she said.  “I hear you.  I get where you’re coming from.”

Carla gazed at her.

“Pickle, if you want to do this… we’ll do it.”

The brunette’s eyes lit up.

“Seriously?”

Lisa nodded.

“But… I don’t want to make you do something you don’t want to do…”

“Darling, I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to.  You know that.”

She leant in and kissed her.

“I love you, Pickle.  I want us to spend the rest of our lives together.  I want us to grow old together; share a room in a care home and drive the staff absolutely crazy with all the mayhem we cause!”

Carla laughed.

“So yeah, why wouldn’t we have a family?  Why not?”

They kissed again.

“Hey, do you want to see if I can get you pregnant?” Lisa smirked.

“Oh, yeah!” Carla grinned, allowing Lisa to push her backwards onto the bed.

3^rd February 2025

“What are you talking about?” Becky faltered.

She swallowed, glancing around anxiously.  Her threat had backfired terribly.

“I can’t live like this anymore, Bex,” Lisa said tiredly.  “These ultimatums.  This jealousy.  I love you but Carla is part of my life.  She’s been part of my life for twenty years.  She’s the mother of my child.  My best mate.  I’m not cutting her off like that.  I can’t.”

“Fine,” Becky said.  “But you’ll be sorry for this.  You’ll come crawling back.  She’ll never give you what you want.  Not for long anyway.  You know she won’t.”

Next time... will Lisa tell Carla how she feels...?

Chapter Text

4^th February 2025

Lisa had let herself into the bottom door of Carla’s flat and jogged up the stairs.  Taking a deep breath, she knocked.

“Hi!” Carla greeted, looking rather flushed and surprised to see her.  “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Sorry, I didn’t think you’d mind me just dropping by.  Are you okay?  You look…”

She looked at Carla’s messy hair, badly done up shirt and roughly pulled on jeans.  Her stomach dropped as she realised she was interrupting.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, I…”

“I should have called,” Lisa realised, feeling embarrassed.  “Sorry.  I’ll um… I’ll catch you later.  Sorry.”

“Sauce…” Carla tried.

“Oh, I thought I heard a familiar voice!”

Lisa froze, as she saw Carla’s ex from several years before, Leanne Tisley, sauntering out of her bedroom, wrapped in a dressing gown.  She glared between the two of them.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she demanded.

Carla cringed.

“Bit jealous, are we?” Leanne smirked.

“Fuck off and grow up!” Lisa snapped.

Carla attempted to speak.

“And that goes for you too!” Lisa interrupted.  “Have you lost your fucking mind?”

“I…  It just happened,” Carla said helplessly.

“Oh, it always ‘just happens’ with you, doesn’t it?” Lisa shouted.  “Ugh!  I can’t believe I was about to…”

She shook her head in frustration and turned back towards the stairs.  Carla hurried after her.

“About to what?” she asked urgently.

“It doesn’t matter!” Lisa yelled, thundering down the stairs.

“Carla!” Leanne called.  “Are you not coming back to bed?  We weren’t finished.”

Carla hesitated, looking between Leanne and Lisa’s retreating back.  Lisa slammed the bottom door hard.  Carla’s heart sank.  She hated the idea of upsetting Lisa, of disappointing her.

“Come on…” Leanne said, stepping forward and reaching for Carla’s hand.  “We’ve got so much to catch up on…”

Sighing, Carla allowed herself to be led back into the bedroom.  But as ever, her head was full of Lisa.

31^st October 2018

“You didn’t dress up,” Leanne said.

“Good observation,” Carla remarked from her bar stool at The Bistro.

“But it’s Halloween!”

“Yeah, I just came from Trick or Treating with a bunch of very hyper kids,” Carla said.  “I had a witch’s hat on.  That was quite enough.”

“Kids you know or…?”

Carla laughed.

“My kid.  And her mates.”

“I don’t think I even knew you had a kid,” Leanne admitted.  “How are we neighbours and I didn’t know you had a kid?”

“I don’t know.  You’re new?  She lives half the week with her other Mum?  Maybe?”

Leanne leant on the counter, looking Carla up and down.

“Do you and her other Mum get along?”

Carla was surprised at the question.  Yes.  They got along very well.  They’d got along particularly well the previous evening, actually.  To Leanne, she gave a more polite answer.

“How come you split up then?”

“Just… life got in the way,” Carla said.

She sipped her wine.

“I am so bored of my husband,” Leanne blurted out.

Carla looked surprised.  She glanced across at Leanne’s husband, Nick, serving tables.

“Does he know that?”

“He would if paid me any attention,” Leanne said.

She looked Carla up and down again, licking her lips.

“I’d love it if you paid me some attention.”

The Bistro had closed.  Nick had gone home, leaving Leanne to lock up.

“Are you sure there’s no CCTV in here?” Carla asked, as Leanne wrapped herself around her, kissing her hard.

“I’ve turned it off, don’t worry,” Leanne assured her.

Accepting it, Carla returned her kisses, hoisting her onto a table.  Leanne wrapped her legs around Carla’s waist, trapping her.

“I’ve seen you pull in here before,” Leanne breathed.  “I was so jealous.  I wanted it to be me.”

Carla blushed, feeling flattered.  She wasn’t sure what to say.

“Well, now it is,” she said.

“Yeah,” Leanne said.  “You’re an even better kisser than I imagined you’d be.  Your wife must have been mad to let you go.”

Carla tensed at the mention of Lisa.

“Why don’t you let me show you what else I can do…”

1^st November 2018

Carla felt anxious entering The Bistro the following evening.  She had tried to change the plan and go to The Rovers instead but nobody had been in agreement so, with some trepidation, she walked through the door.  She was relieved not to see Leanne behind the bar.  The woman had called and texted several times today.  If Carla had realised it meant more than just a hook up, she never would have done it.  But now it seemed like Leanne was keen to see her again.

“Carla!” Lisa waved from the corner booth.

Carla’s heart fluttered when she saw her ex-wife, looking radiant, as always.  Betsy was at a sleepover, so Carla and Lisa had eagerly grabbed the chance of a night out with their friends.

“Hiya,” Carla said, sliding into her seat beside Lisa, who was already sat beside Dee Dee.

Opposite were Michelle, Steve and Dee Dee.  Paula didn’t spend time with them so much anymore, not since Carla had ended things between them after a short, ill-advised romance.  Paula had cheated on her.  Carla had never got over Lisa, that much was clear to everyone.

“We thought you might have pissed off to pub by yourself!” Dee Dee remarked.

“Sorry,” Carla apologised.  “I got stuck on an invoice.”

“Don’t you have accountants to do that sort of thing?” Michelle asked.

“Carla likes to be across everything herself, don’t you?” Lisa said.

“Always have,” Carla said.

“Why did you want to change venue anyway?” Steve wondered.

“Carla!”

Carla jerked her head in Leanne’s direction as the co-owner of The Bistro glided towards her.  She swallowed anxiously.

“Oh, you didn’t?” Michelle tutted.

“I’ve been calling you all day!  Did you not get my messages?”

“No, I did, I just…  I’ve been busy, you know?”

“Well, I told Nick everything.”

Carla’s eyes widened.  She choked on the wine Lisa had poured for her.

“Excuse me?”

“Nick.  I told him everything when I got home last night.  About me and you.  Wanting to be together.”

“I don’t…” Carla stuttered.  “Um… Leanne, the thing is…”

“What?” Leanne demanded.  “What’s the thing?”

“Um…”

“I think she’s turning you down gently,” Michelle said as tactfully as she could.

“And who are you?  The ex-wife?” Leanne demanded.

Michelle laughed.

“No!”

She directed her to Lisa.

“So, this is your fault, is it?” Leanne accused.

Lisa held her hands up.

“Nothing to do with me!” she insisted.  “I haven’t done anything.  If she’s not into you, it’s not my fault!”

“Well, she was into me last night!” Leanne snapped.

“And she was into me the night before.  That’s just Carla, isn’t it, love?” Lisa said, sounding sweeter than her words would suggest.

Carla coloured.  Her heart was racing.  Michelle was smirking opposite her.  Carla kicked her under the table.

“Ow!” Michelle complained.  “You get sex and I get kicked?  That’s hardly fair!”

“So, you slept with her the night before you slept with me?” Leanne wanted to know.

“Um…”

She was starting to sweat.

“Look, could we just order our food please?” Steve asked.  “Maybe some more drinks?”

Furious, Leanne picked up Carla’s glass of wine and threw it in Lisa’s face.

“Hey!” Lisa protested.

“No!” Carla snapped, jumping up.  “No, that’s not okay!”

Dee Dee hurried to grab all the serviettes on the table to try and help Lisa clean herself up.  Wine stained her jumper, her face and her hair.

“Look, last night was great.  I didn’t realise you were expecting a fucking marriage proposal!” Carla continued.  “I thought it was just a bit of fun.”

“Well, maybe you should check someone’s feelings before you sleep with them,” Leanne said.  “Your table’s cancelled.  Get out.”

Carla turned helplessly back to her friends.

“Um… Rovers?” she suggested awkwardly.

“Are you actually kidding me?” Lisa said, gesturing to the state she was in.

“Come back to the flat and get cleaned up and then Rovers?”

Lisa raised her eyebrows.

“Where I will buy you all your drinks and your food and think of all the ways I can make everything up to you?”

“Bit better,” Lisa agreed grudgingly.

1^st December 2018

“I didn’t think you’d say yes to seeing me again,” Leanne said, as Carla closed the door to her flat.

“Persistence pays off,” Carla said, shrugging off her jacket.  “As does whisky.”

As did watching some woman flirt with Lisa all night in the pub.  To be fair, Lisa hadn’t accepted the woman’s advances.  She’d hardly even seemed to notice the way the woman’s eyes had never left her all night or all the compliments she’d paid her.  But it had hurt to watch someone else paying Lisa attention.  It had hurt to imagine, to realise, that one day, Lisa would be in a relationship with someone else.  That Lisa wouldn’t be hers anymore.  And that it was all her fault.  She had thrown Lisa away.  For so long after their split, Lisa had begged for them to get back together.  And now, although they had a wonderful relationship, one that often blurred the lines, Lisa had stopped asking.  She seemed more than satisfied for them to be friends, co-parents and fuck buddies.  She didn’t want more than that.  She’d given up wanting more.  Carla knew she had missed her chance and she deeply regretted it.

So, she consoled herself with dates, usually with completely unsuitably women.  None more unsuitable than the woman standing in her lounge right now.  Leanne hadn’t left her alone since their first hookup and their entire group had been banned from The Bistro by both Leanne and Nick, for different reasons.

7^th December 2018

“You’re actually dating Leanne?” Michelle asked incredulously.

Carla was sat across from her in the pub while Michelle took her break.

“I mean, I wouldn’t say ‘dating’ exactly but… well, we’ve hooked up a few times,” Carla admitted.

“Does that mean we can go back to The Bistro?” Steve asked, walking past.

Carla shook her head, explaining that Nick was livid.

“She lied about the CCTV,” she cringed.  “He saw everything!”

“And yet you’re still dating her…” Michelle mused.

“I said we’re not dating!” Carla protested.  “It’s just…”

“Have you told her that this time?” her friend asked.  “Because last time you slept with her and you weren’t clear, one of Lisa’s best jumpers got ruined and she had a pink streak in her hair for a week.”

Carla bit her lip guiltily.

“And speaking of your ex-wife…”

Carla looked around, panicked.

“Well, that answers that then!  You haven’t told her.”

“I’ll tell her tonight.  We’re taking Bets ice skating and for dinner.  I’ll tell her when we get back to the house.”

“Be careful she doesn’t lob a skate at you!”

Carla, Lisa and Betsy had had a lovely evening, although Carla felt the weight of seeing Leanne heavy on her shoulders.  Once she had tucked Betsy into bed, complete with multiple stories, she headed back downstairs to find Lisa on the sofa with two mugs of tea.

“How many chapters did you succumb to?” the DS asked.

“One?”

“Liar.”

“Three,” Carla admitted.

“You’re so soft,” Lisa chuckled.

Carla flopped onto the sofa and picked up her mug, thanking Lisa for the drink.

“No problem.  What’s on your mind?”

Carla looked startled.

“Darling, I’ve known you for fourteen years.  I know when something’s bothering you.  I certainly know when you’re hiding something.  Just please tell me you’re not shagging Leanne.”

Carla coloured.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Carla!” Lisa cried, flinging her head back against the sofa.  “I had to throw that jumper out!”

“I bought you a new one!”

“It’s not the same!”

“I mean, it is literally the same.”

“It’s not my original.  You bought that for me on our last Christmas together.  I’m attached to it.”

Carla reached out and squeezed her hand.

“Sauce, we are never going to have a last Christmas together,” Carla pointed out.

Lisa smiled wistfully at her.  She tried to hide the hurt she felt at how easily Carla seemed to find it to move on and meet new people, have new relationships.  Sure, they still hooked up, they were still best friends, they still snuggled up together of an evening in front of a film when Betsy went to bed.  But Carla didn’t seem to have the same love for her that she did for Carla.  She was so much more free with her body, with her feelings.  It had been nearly two years and Lisa hadn’t so much as looked at anyone else.  Even given the opportunity, she had always said no.  Because in her heart of hearts, she knew it would always be Carla.  In her heart of hearts, she would always hope that one day, Carla would fall in love with her again, forgive her for her mistakes.

“You know what I mean,” she said softly.

“I know.  I’m sorry.  You look just as hot in the new one, if it helps.”

Lisa chuckled, catching the naughty twinkle in Carla’s eye.

“Kind of helps,” she said.

Carla put her mug down and opened her arms.  Lisa snuggled into them, allowing herself to be held.  She closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry.  She couldn’t bear for Carla to know how much it hurt.

“So, are we allowed back in The Bistro?” she asked.

Carla was just arriving home when the buzzer went.

“Hello?”

“It’s Leanne!  I just saw you arriving back and thought I’d say hello!”

Carla buzzed her in, surprised that she was around so late.  It was nearly midnight.  She and Lisa had fallen asleep on the sofa, after the exertion of ice skating, which neither of them had been particularly good at.  But Betsy had had a good time and that was the most important thing.

“Hiya,” Carla said, when Leanne appeared.

Leanne kissed her possessively.

“What are you doing back so late?” she asked.

“Oh, I was out with Bets and Lisa,” Carla said.  “Do you want a drink?”

“No, ta.  Doing what?”

“Ice skating,” Carla chuckled.  “Not my skill set, as it turns out.”

“Till this late?” Leanne wondered.

“Well, no.  We had dinner and then went home.  My old home.”

“Lisa’s home.”

“Yeah.  So I could tuck Betsy in and read her a story.”

“At midnight?”

“Well, then Lisa and I hung out for a bit.  Sorry.  What’s with the third degree?” Carla asked.

“I just wanted to know how your evening went, that’s all.  Hey, maybe I could meet Betsy sometime?” Leanne suggested.

“Oh.  Well, I like to wait a while, you know, before I introduce her to anyone.  I don’t want her to get confused,” Carla said.

“Are you not serious about me?” Leanne asked.

“Leanne, it’s been a week!” Carla protested.

She sighed and stepped forward, kissing her.

“Look, I’m sure there’s more that we could be doing right now than debating the whys and wherefores of our relationship status…”

Leanne was on the verge of climax.  Carla was glad to have distracted her at the very least.

“Have you… have you got any toys?” Leanne breathed.

Carla paused, propping herself up on her elbows.
“Sure,” she said.  “What do you want?”

“What have you got?”

“They’re in the drawer.  Bottom, not top.”

Leanne eyed her curiously.

“Why?  What’s in the top?”

“Nothing, I just…”

Leanne rolled quickly away from her and opened the top drawer to find an array of sex toys.

“I thought you said bottom?”

Carla looked awkward.

“They’re… private?” she tried.

Leanne sat up, orgasm long forgotten.

“Aren’t all sex toys private?”

“They’re mine and…”

“Lisa’s,” Leanne realised.

“The ones I use with other people are in the… in the bottom.”

“So… you use any old ones with other people and ‘special’ ones with Lisa?  Wait.  Are you still sleeping with her?  Is that what you were doing tonight?  Is that why you were late back?” Leanne demanded.

“No!  We haven’t slept together for over a week,” Carla said.

She was startled when her assurance seemed to anger her rather than calm her.

“You’re fucking ridiculous, do you know that?”

8^th December 2018

“I want to see DS Swain, please!” Leanne demanded.

“What is it concerning?” PC Craig Tinker asked from behind the desk.

“It’s a personal matter.”

“Okay, well, we don’t normally…”

“I need to see DS Swain now!” Leanne shouted.

Flushed and awkward, Craig picked up the phone and called his boss.  After speaking for a few minutes, he explained that she was busy and she would have to come back later.

“Fine!” Leanne said.  “I’ll just have to do this without her!”

She opened her handbag and slammed a purple dildo on the front desk.  Craig turned pink and sat up straighter.  The dildo was followed by a blue vibrator and some pink, fluffy handcuffs.

“I don’t expect DS Swain to be using sex toys with my girlfriend!” Leanne said loudly.

Everyone sat in the waiting area was watching with interest.  Craig grabbed the phone again, urging Lisa to get to reception now.  She appeared within moments.

“What the hell is going on?” she demanded.

“You can take these back!” Leanne said, gesturing to the growing pile of toys on the desk.

Lisa wasn’t sure if she wanted to kill Leanne, kill Carla or just have the ground swallow her whole.  Everything was conflicting.

“Carla is my girlfriend and you can’t have her.  She’s moved on!”

“I don’t care!” Lisa lied.  “You’re welcome to her.  She’s nothing to do with me.”

“You shagged her a week ago!”

“Right, that’s enough!” Lisa snapped.  “You do not come into my place of work with… these… and start shouting about my personal business.  I’ve done nothing to you.  I don’t even know you!”

“Well, let’s keep it that way!” Leanne warned her, turning on her heel.

Lisa rubbed her temples, closing her eyes, very aware of the number of people watching her.

“Um… boss… what should I…?”

He gestured to the desk.

“Get me a bloody bag or something!” Lisa snapped.

He dug around for an old carrier bag beneath the desk.  Lisa quickly gathered the items and threw them in.  She pulled out her phone, as she hurried up the stairs.

“Carla, what the fuck?” she demanded.

“Hello to you too!” Carla replied sarcastically.

“Do you have any idea what your girlfriend has just done to me?”

“Oh, shit.  What now?”

Next time... Lisa makes a decision and in 2005, Carla shares more about her past...

Chapter Text

4^th February 2025

Lisa pulled open the front door, surprised to see Becky standing there.

“Why didn’t you use your key?” she slurred.

She had been drinking whiskey since she got home.

“Well, I don’t live here anymore, do I?” Becky pointed out.

Lisa furrowed her brow.

“Where do you live?” she asked.  “You know?  So I can pass your mail on?”

“I’m crashing with a mate,” Becky said.  “Were you this heartless when Carla walked out on you?”

Lisa shrugged, storming back to the sofa and pouring herself another glass.  Becky observed for a moment.

“Didn’t go well then?  Don’t tell me.  You turned up with flowers and she was going down on a twenty year old?”

Lisa ignored her.  She downed her drink.  All she could picture was Carla, dishevelled and Leanne, wrapped up in the same dressing gown Carla had always let her use.  She had another spare for other guests.  That one was Lisa’s.  How could she have slept with Leanne again?  That woman had caused so much trouble.  She’d thrown wine over her.  She’d brought their sex toys to Lisa’s work, taking them out in public and embarrassing her.  Not only that, someone who had witnessed it, had made a complaint, so Lisa had been put on a disciplinary for the incident.  Plus, her colleagues still made jokes about it now.  Only Craig had been discreet.

Then when Carla had broken it off with Leanne, she had started harassing them both.  For weeks, neither of them had been able to shake her off.  Why on earth was Carla entertaining the idea of being with her again?

“Lisa?”

She looked round to see Becky hovering.

“Are you okay?”

“Tickety-boo,” Lisa said sarcastically.

“Anything I can do?”

“No.”

Becky sighed and came to sit beside her.  She took the glass from her hand, stopping her from pouring out another.

“Hey!” Lisa protested.

“Getting pissed isn’t going to help.”

“I beg to differ,” Lisa argued.

“She’s always going to let you down, you know,” Becky told her.

“I know,” Lisa said softly, tears stinging her eyes.

“And I know I’m not her.  I know I could never be her.  But I do love you, Lisa.  I want to make you happy.”

“But you wouldn’t be happy, Bex.  Being second best.”

“I would be.  I promise.”

Lisa sighed and shook her head.

“I’m not doing that to you.  It’s not fair.  I can’t get rid of Carla from my life.  And I can’t…”

She trailed off, trying to collect her jumbled thoughts.

“I can’t get her out of my heart.  I’ve tried.  And when we got together, I swear… I swear I was all in.  I’ve been all in all this time.  But she’s there.  She’s always been there, even though I’ve not wanted her to be.  And it’s not fair.  It’s not right, Becky.  I just… I just have to accept that this is what my life is.  Pining for someone who doesn’t love me.”

“Well, I don’t want to do that,” Becky said.  “I don’t want to pine for someone who doesn’t love me.  Not by myself, anyway.  I’d rather be with you and have whatever piece of you you’ll give me than be alone, wanting you, missing you, loving you.  And I can deal with Carla.  Maybe now we’ve had a proper, honest conversation, it’ll be easier?  I don’t know.”

“I don’t want to be unfair to you, Bex,” Lisa said.

“You’re not.  I know what I’m signing up for.  And really, I’d rather be with you than without you.  And I’d rather you were with me than you be sad and alone, pining for her when she doesn’t deserve you,” Becky said.

“I cheated on you,” Lisa confessed.

Becky looked hurt but unsurprised.

“When?”

“On Carla’s birthday.”

“Which year?”

“This year.  I’m sorry.  We argued and it… got out of hand.”

Lisa sighed.

“I forgive you,” Becky decided.

Lisa stared at her, wondering where all her anger and jealousy had gone.

“You really want this?” she asked.  “Me?”

Becky nodded.

“Okay,” Lisa agreed softly.

Becky beamed at her, leaning in to steal a kiss.  She pulled back after the briefest of pecks.

“Now, normally, I’d say let’s celebrate by going upstairs but you’ve drunk way too much for that so how about some toast and a nice mug of tea?” Becky suggested.

12^th January 2008

“Tada!” Carla said proudly, presenting Lisa with the lasagne she had made in her cooking class, the moment she got home.

“You’re actually the cutest thing on earth,” Lisa said.  “Do you know that?”

Carla smiled, suddenly bashful, as Lisa stepped up to the kitchen counter to look at the dish she had worked so hard on.

“It looks amazing, darling,” she said.

“I made it with veggie mince because you said red meat is making you feel farty at the moment,” Carla told her.

Lisa laughed.

“I think I said, more politely, that it’s giving me flatulence but sure, we’ll go with farty.  Thanks!” she said, rolling her eyes.  “I mean, you did get me pregnant, Carla.  It’s not my fault!”

Carla grinned.

“I love it when you say that.”

“Farty?”

Carla laughed loudly.

“That I got you pregnant!”

Lisa smirked.

“Well, you are exceptional in bed,” she said.  “It wouldn’t surprise me if you were capable.”

Carla drew her partner into her arms and kissed her.

“I’m really proud of you, you know,” Lisa said softly.

“For getting you pregnant?” Carla joked.  “I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty proud of myself!”

Lisa ran her fingers through Carla’s perfect dark hair, gazing into her eyes.

“I know you keep messing about but these classes are a big deal for you,” she said seriously.  “And it’s only week two and you’ve brought home an amazing lasagne.”

“I mean, you haven’t actually tasted it yet…”

“It’s amazing,” Lisa insisted.  “You’re doing this incredible new thing that other people take for granted and you’re doing it because you want to be the best Mum.  And you know what, you are going to be the best Mum, Carla.  Our baby is so lucky to have you.  Just like I’m so lucky to have you.”

Carla snuggled into Lisa’s arms, burying her face against her neck.  She had been nervous, when they’d first started dating, of telling Lisa, beyond the odd off-hand remark, about her past.  But Lisa had listened.  She had cared.  She had absorbed everything.  Over the past two and a half years, she had provided Carla with more stability than Carla had ever known in her life.

“We’re going to be so happy, aren’t we?” she whispered against the smooth column of Lisa’s neck.

“We already are,” Lisa replied.

27^th April 2005

“You don’t talk much about your past…” Lisa ventured.  “Your childhood or anything.”

She and Carla had been out to dinner, where Lisa had awkwardly brought up her parents wanting to meet her new girlfriend.  Carla had looked half panicked and half excited.  She had admitted to having never met a girlfriend’s parents before.

“Oh, well, there’s not really much to tell,” Carla said vaguely.  “My Mum’s dead.  I don’t know who my Dad is.  Might be dead.  Might still be kicking about.  I’m not in touch with my stepdad.  He used to batter me so I wasn’t really a fan.”

Lisa stopped walking, turning to look at Carla.

“Why do you do that?”

“What?”

“Dismiss what you’ve been through?”

Carla shrugged and kept on walking towards Lisa’s house, feeling distinctly uncomfortable.

“Well, it’s just life, isn’t it?  Everyone’s been through shit.  I’d rather not think about it.  I’d rather just have a laugh instead.”

Lisa sighed, jogging to catch up with her.

“I just… worry about you.”

“You don’t need to worry about me.  Nothing really bothers me, DC Saucepot.  I sail through life.  Always have.”

“That’s kind of what worries me,” Lisa admitted.

She pulled her keys out and let them into her house.

“What do you mean?” Carla asked, following her inside.

“Just… it’s often the people who hide behind jokes, don’t share their pain… those people, who need to be heard the most,” Lisa ventured.

She shrugged off her jacket and hung it up.  Carla followed suit.  She was comfortable at Lisa’s now.  She had a drawer and a place to put her shoes.  Lisa stocked her favourite brand of tea and cereal and always had enough of everything for them both.  It was the same at her flat.

“Okay…” she ventured, following her into the kitchen.

Lisa grabbed the half drunk bottle of wine from the side.

“Um… well, I just… okay, I just… I don’t…”

Lisa finished pouring, studying Carla’s face.

“I don’t want you to think less of me, Sauce.”

Lisa eyed her quizzically.

“Why would I think less of you?” she asked.

It’s just that you’re from a very different neck of the woods to me,” Carla explained.  “Your parents took you to after school activities.  You went on a two week holiday in the summer.  I… robbed the shops just so me and my brother could eat.”

Lisa felt her heart constrict at the idea of her girlfriend suffering.

“See?  You think I’m rough.  I knew you would!”

Carla turned towards the exit.  She should have known this relationship couldn’t last.  She stopped when Lisa caught hold of her hand.

“I don’t think you’re rough!  I don’t think anything like that, Carla.  Why would I?”

“I just told you I used to nick food from shops, Lisa.  I mean, we’re done here, aren’t we?”

“What am I going to do?  Arrest you?”

Carla sighed.

“No.  But you must see kids like I was all the time…”

“Survivors?  Come on, Carla, give me some credit.  None of us choose where and how our parents bring us up.  We don’t get to make those decisions.  We don’t always even get to decide how we cope with those decisions.  So, just be proud of yourself for managing?”

“I am, normally.  But I’m just so in awe of you.  I’m so aware of how brilliant you are.  I can’t help worrying that one day you’ll realise that you can do a lot better!”

Lisa drew her into her arms.

“How can I do better than my perfect woman?” she asked.

Carla smiled against her lips.

“Charmer,” she said, kissing her.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, coming from you!” Lisa chuckled.

“Come on then…” Carla sighed.  “Let’s sit down and I’ll tell you all about my sad childhood!”

“Carla, she was fifty!” Lisa said in horror.

Carla shrugged.

“It was an initiation,” Carla said vaguely.

“You were seventeen.”

Carla shrugged again.

“Yeah.  I know.  It was… sketchy.  I wanted a Mum.  Someone to look after me.  She wanted… a teenager to have sex with,” she said vaguely.

It had been somewhat cathartic to tell Lisa all about her mother and her stepdad.  The drugs they’d been into, the sex work she’d witnessed.  The way she’d had to survive.  And then, venturing out at the age of seventeen to her first gay bar, where she had been picked up by the woman who had become her first girlfriend.

“She was not the nurturing type, that’s for sure.”

“I’m sorry.  Have you never had anyone to look after you?”

“I mean, Michelle’s family have always been very kind but no, not till now,” Carla told her.

“Now?” Lisa wondered.

Carla smiled affectionately at her.

“You always make me feel looked after,” she said.  “You’re very… nurturing.”

Lisa grinned.

“That doesn’t sound very sexy!” she laughed.

“Oh, you’re very, very sexy!” Carla assured her.  “You’re the perfect woman.  You give mind blowing orgasms and the best cuddles on earth.  It’s incredible really.”

She leant closer and stole a kiss.

“I’ll take that,” Lisa said, her voice low.  “Although, I’m still not happy about this woman who took advantage of you!”

“It’s all in the past,” Carla assured her.  “A very long time ago now.  Plus, she taught me everything I know!”

Lisa raised her eyebrows.

“I mean in business but yeah, I suppose that too!” she smirked.  “But she actually owned Underworld, originally.”

Lisa looked surprised.

“Then she ran into some trouble, financially.  She ended up putting the business in my name and did a flit abroad.  Never saw her again.”

“So, that’s how you ended up owning the place?” Lisa asked.

“Yeah.  Not so impressive now, is it?” Carla laughed.  “I was working there for her.  Learning the ropes.  She’d been supporting me through design college but she was teaching me the business side of things.  Then suddenly, aged twenty, the whole thing was mine.  I didn’t know what the fuck to do!”

“What did you do?”

“Taught myself to run a business, I guess,” Carla said.  “I mean, it’s still standing.”

“So, that is pretty impressive then,” Lisa pointed out.

“Well…  But I didn’t earn it,” Carla said.  “I just had it handed to me because some woman thought I was pretty.”

“Maybe initially but like you say, that was a long time ago.  It’s your business now.  You’ve kept it going all this time.  Without any real experience.  That’s very impressive, if you ask me.”

Carla looked genuinely proud of the compliment.  She leant in and kissed Lisa again.

“Thank you for not judging me,” she said quietly.

“I’d never judge you for anything,” she said.  “Thank you for trusting me.  Being open and honest with me.  I wasn’t trying to pry… exactly.  I just want to know more about you.”

“Well, I give you permission to ask me anything,” Carla offered.  “And I’ve never said that to anyone before.”

4^th February 2025

Carla couldn’t sleep.  Leaving Leanne in bed, she padded into the lounge.  She couldn’t stop thinking about Lisa.  Why had she turned up like that?  She understood why she would be upset at her being with Leanne after everything that happened.  But it felt like it was more than that.  What had she been about to say?

She pulled out her phone, contemplating calling her.  But then she pictured Becky raging at the intrusion in the middle of the night.  No.  She couldn’t just phone, not without a reason.  But she needed to speak to her.  She needed to know why she had come round.

Lisa woke to the sound of her phone beeping.  Always alert, even when she was sleeping, she reached for her phone.

CARLA:                 Why did you come over tonight?

Sighing, Lisa wondered what to say.  Should she tell the truth or lie?  What was the point of being honest?  Carla was back together with Leanne.  And if it hadn’t been Leanne, it would have been someone else.  Becky was right about that.

She looked across at Becky, fast asleep beside her.  She looked back at the message.  Carla was still reading as online.  She closed her phone and attempted to go back to sleep.

Moments later, her phone beeped again.

CARLA:                 Please don’t ignore me, Sauce.  I hate upsetting you.

LISA:                       Don’t shag women who behave like she does then.

At home, Carla sighed and closed her phone.  She supposed she deserved that.  She needed to tell Leanne that tonight had been a mistake.  That was a risk in itself.  Last time she’d ended things between them, she had not been happy at all and she’d taken it all out on Lisa.  What had she been thinking, going back there again?  No wonder Lisa was upset with her.

Lisa almost growled when her phone beeped for a third time.

CARLA:                 I’m sorry.

Next time... in 2006, Carla suffers a trauma and in 2016, Lisa turns 40...

Chapter Text

1^st October 2006

“I’m so sorry,” the Doctor said.

Tears cascaded down Carla’s face.  She clutched Lisa’s hand tightly.  Beside her, Lisa closed her eyes, trying desperately hard to be strong for her partner but she felt like someone had ripped her soul from her body.  She had never intended on being a mother.  It had never been part of her plan.  But when Carla had proposed the idea last year, somehow, everything had made perfect sense.  Being a family.  Being a parent with Carla.  What could ever have been more perfect than that?

It had taken a couple of tries but Carla had conceived and everything had got more and more exciting from there.  They’d started the process of a buying a house they were about to complete on in the next month, somewhere bigger for their growing family.  Or so they had thought.

When Carla had phoned her from work, concerned about the pain she was in, Lisa had known.  In her heart, she had known.  She had chased her instincts away and filled her mouth with positivity and reassurance.  But she had known.  And now the Doctor had confirmed it.  The baby was gone.

“I’ll give you some time,” the Doctor offered, stepping out of the room.

“Pickle…” Lisa said gentle, wrapping her arms around her partner and holding her close.

“Did I do something wrong?” Carla sobbed into Lisa’s shoulder.  “I’m sorry.  I tried so hard to keep her safe.  I tried, Sauce.  I did everything the books said.  I did.”

“I know, darling,” Lisa said.

She lifted Carla’s face so she could look at her.

“And you did nothing wrong, okay?  Nothing.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologise for, my darling.”

“But…”

“Nothing,” Lisa said firmly.

“Then why didn’t she stay?” Carla asked.

Her question cut through Lisa like a blade.  She lost control of her own tears.  Closing her eyes, she kissed Carla’s forehead.

“I don’t know,” she whispered.  “Maybe she just couldn’t.  Maybe she wasn’t ready to be here.  But it was nothing you did, darling.  Nothing you did.”

“Maybe she knew I’d be a terrible Mum, though?” Carla fretted.

“You would have been the most incredible Mum to her, Pickle.  You already were.  Don’t you start doubting that,” Lisa assured her.  “The way you were already taking care of her.  The way you loved her.  The way you’re always going to love her.”

Carla clung to Lisa.  She felt like she was being selfish, taking comfort from her when she knew Lisa was hurting too.  But she couldn’t help herself.  She couldn’t control the pain she was in, the grief that was overwhelming her.  And Lisa was always the person who looked after her.

Lisa sank against Carla, crying for her, crying for their lost child, the future they had planned.

“I love you, Pickle,” she whispered.

“I love you, Sauce,” Carla managed.  “I’m so sorry.”

5^th February 2025

Lisa was heading out of work on her lunch break when she spotted Carla in reception.  She considered pretending she hadn’t seen her but Carla jumped up and walked out with her.

“You’ve been ignoring me,” Carla said, following Lisa to her car.

“We were literally texting in the middle of the night, Carla,” Lisa said.

“And I’ve called and texted you multiple times this morning and you’ve not replied,” Carla said.

Lisa climbed into her car.

“I’m busy.”

She growled in frustration when Carla climbed into the passenger seat.

“Carla!” she snapped.  “I said I’m busy.”

“You’re on your lunch break.  I asked.”

“And I have plans!  That don’t involve you.”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m meeting Becky.”

“She’s in there.  I saw her go in.”

Lisa glared at her.

“Fine, I’m getting a takeaway to bring back here,” she said.  “Can you get out please?”

“I’ll come with you,” Carla said.

“Why?” Lisa demanded, exasperated.

“Because I want to know why you came round last night,” Carla said.

“I just came to see you.  I forgot you could be shagging anyone at any time and I needed to book an appointment!”

“I’m sorry about Leanne,” Carla said, as Lisa started the engine and drove off, having given up on her getting out.  “It was a blip.  I made it clear this morning that it’s never going to happen again.”

“Great.  Am I to expect a drawer full of sex toys on the reception desk when I get back?” Lisa replied sarcastically.

“Well, I keep them in the cupboard now,” Carla said.  “We don’t use them anymore, do we?  Not since you got together with Becky.”

Lisa glanced at her, at the distasteful expression on her face.

“You’ve still got them?” she asked.

“Well, one can never give up hope, eh?” Carla smirked.

Lisa’s heart ached.

“One probably should,” she said coldly.  “Being that I’m getting married.  It’s meant to be a forever kind of deal.  Unless you decide to dump your wife on Valentine’s Day or something shitty like that.”

Carla swallowed, feeling uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry for hurting you last night,” she ventured.  “It was a really shitty, thoughtless thing to do.”

“Yes, Leanne was a really shitty, thoughtless thing to do,” Lisa said, focussing on driving and not the beat of her own heart.

“I have said sorry.”

“And yet you’ll do it again.  If not Leanne, it’ll be Paula or someone else, I’m sure.”

“I am allowed to move on, you know, Lisa!” Carla snapped.  “You have!  Like you say, you are getting married.  Got engaged on our anniversary, if you remember?  ‘Til death do you part and all that.  And might I remind you, the only reason we split up on Valentine’s Day was because instead of coming home and spending it with me, you decided to stay out all evening working?!”

Lisa swallowed.

“Just like you did at Christmas, New Year and every other bloody occasion!  I just about managed to not spend my birthday by my fucking self!” Carla continued.

“Well, aren’t you the hard done by wife?!” Lisa shouted.

“Yeah, I was!  Fucking lonely, I was, in case you cared.”

“Not now though, are you?” Lisa countered.

“What is your problem?” Carla demanded.

“I haven’t got one!” Lisa lied.  “Everything is bloody perfect.  My life is perfect.”

She parked up and stormed out of the car.  Carla followed her into the café, still arguing with her.

“So, are you going to tell me what you actually wanted?” she demanded.

“It’s not important anymore,” Lisa told her, placing her order.  “Do you want anything?”

“Oh, yeah, my usual, please.”

Lisa added a bacon roll and a latte to the order.

“What was it then?” Carla wanted to know.  “Something to do with Betsy or…?”

“No.  Nothing.  It really doesn’t matter.”

“Lisa, this is really pissing me off!” Carla complained.  “You must have come round for a reason.”

Lisa hesitated.  She considered being honest.  It wasn’t like she and Leanne were even together.  But she suspected Becky was right.  How long would it be until Carla let her down again?  Becky was safe.  She was reliable.  And she was willing to be with her even though she knew she was second best.  No.  It was safer just to be friends with Carla, to not risk her heart.

“Honestly, it doesn’t matter.  I had an idea and I’ve decided now that it was stupid,” Lisa said.

She accepted her order, paying for Carla’s too.  Carla took her own coffee and food and followed Lisa out of the café.  She climbed back into Lisa’s car, needing a lift back to the station, where she had left her own car.

“Why?  What was the idea?” she wanted to know.

“It was too stupid to even talk about.  Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking,” Lisa said dismissively.

Carla sighed, sinking back against the seat.

“Then why are you so angry with me, Sauce?” she asked.

“Because I found you in bed with the woman who got me into trouble at work, Carla,” Lisa said.  “You know what she did.  She humiliated me.  How could you go back there after all of that?”

“I’m sorry,” Carla said.  “It was a huge lapse in judgement.  And quite a bit of tequila.  I’m sorry.  Please?  I thought you are I were in a good place again.”

“We were.”

“Can we be again?” Carla asked hopefully.

Lisa sighed heavily.

“Yeah, fine,” she agreed, pulling up into her parking space at the station.

They both climbed out of the car.  The put their food and drinks on the roof.  Carla pulled Lisa into her arms.

“I really am sorry, Sauce,” she said.  “I didn’t mean to hurt you or betray you in any way.”

“Consider it forgotten,” Lisa said.  “And I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t move on, Carla.  Just… you’re worth more than the people you always seem to try and move on with.  Paula, Leanne, Toni, Peta… all of them… they’re not worthy of you.  You deserve someone special.  Someone incredible.”

She hugged her tightly, accepted her thanks for lunch before grabbing her food and heading into the station.  Carla watched her go, sighing heavily.

“I had someone special,” she said to herself.  “I had someone perfect.  Then I lost her.”

10^th May 2016

“Thank you for such a lovely night,” Lisa said, wrapping her arms around Carla’s waist from behind.

It was Lisa’s 40^th birthday and Carla had arranged a dinner party at home for them, Betsy and their close friends.  She had had caterers in who had taken care of everything.  Neither of them had had to lift a finger.  They’d even taken everything away afterwards.

“You’re very welcome,” Carla said, as they continued to wave their friends off.

Betsy was long asleep.

“Was it all okay?” she asked.  “I know it wasn’t the holiday you took me on last year but you said you wanted a gentler vibe.”

Lisa snuggled into her.  Carla closed the door, as the last of their friends moved away in their taxi.

“It was perfect,” Lisa said.  “Exactly what I wanted.  Without even asking for it.  Thank you.  You went to so much trouble.”

Carla turned in her embrace.

“Nothing’s too much trouble for you, my darling.  Nothing.”

She kissed her.

“I do have one more present for you though,” she added.

Lisa eyed her quizzically before Carla took her hand and headed upstairs, flicking lights off on the way.

“What’s my present?” Lisa asked eagerly.

Carla smirked at her, pulling the dresser chair out into the middle of the room.  She guided Lisa to sit firmly against the back of it before turning to put her Bluetooth speaker on.  Lisa smiled, recognising the particular playlist she had selected.  Carla turned back and offered a searing kiss before standing back up and beginning to dance.

Lisa’s eyes widened, as Carla slowly began to undress, far more in time to the music than she would ever have managed.  She slipped her jacket off; the dinner party had been a formal affair.  Then came the buttons of her shirt.

“Can I help?” she managed.

Carla smiled at her and moved to straddle her lap.

“Only because you asked nicely,” she said.  “And I did say it was a present.  You should be allowed to unwrap it.”

She kissed her again.  Lisa’s stomach was doing flips.  Her fingers trembled as she began to unbutton Carla’s white shirt.  It made sense now that her wife had not been up for a quickie earlier in the evening.  She was always up for a quickie, any chance they got.  Especially as recently, Lisa had been a lot busier with work.  Lisa felt guilty but their family life, including their sex life had been suffering a bit.  She knew she had a lot to make up for.

“Wow,” she managed, when the buttons were undone.

She exposed Carla’s chest, clad in a new, red, lacy bra that left little to the imagination.  Carla looked and felt pleased with Lisa’s reaction.

“You’re breathtaking,” Lisa said.

“You’re making me wet, the way you’re looking at me,” Carla murmured.

“You’re making me wet, looking like that,” Lisa admitted.

She dared to reach out, running her palms gently over Carla’s breasts.  They felt amazing.  They always felt amazing.  She was desperate to take them into her mouth.  But no sooner did she have them in her hands, they were gone.  Carla had stood up, out of reach.  She shrugged the shirt off and let it drop to the floor.

“I feel like you’re over dressed,” she decided, nodding at Lisa.

Lisa eagerly shrugged off her shirt.  Carla knelt down between her legs.  She reached behind her and helped her unhook her bra, setting her full, round breasts free.  She licked her lips before taking each nipple into her mouth in turn.  Then she undid the button on Lisa’s trousers.  Lisa lifted her hips so Carla could guide them off her legs, pulling her underwear down with it.

“Whoops,” Carla said sarcastically, smirking up at her.

Lisa laughed, leaning against the back of the chair.  Carla parted her legs, kissing her way up Lisa’s thighs.  She took a moment to breath her in.  She licked once, eliciting a moan.

Lifting her head, she said, “You’re right.  You are wet.”

Lisa groaned, throwing her head back.

“I wasn’t lying!” she said.

Carla chuckled and stood up, ridding herself of her own trousers to reveal a matching, lacy, red thong.  Lisa let out an audible gasp.

“You look fucking amazing,” she said honestly.

Carla looked genuinely proud of herself.  She came and straddled Lisa’s lap again.

“I don’t know how it’s ended up that you’re giving me a striptease and I’ve ended up being more naked than you are?” Lisa wondered.

Carla just smirked at her, kissing her hard.

“Well, I never had any training on how these things work.  I’ve just had to guess,” she said.  “Sorry.”

Lisa laughed, pulling her in for another kiss.  She felt Carla press in against her.  It was almost unbearable, as Carla began rolling her hips rhythmically.

“Please can I touch you?” Lisa breathed.

“Where do you want to touch me?” Carla asked.

Lisa reached out to Carla’s breasts again.  Carla unhooked her bra.  Lisa’s mouth eagerly found her nipples, as Carla kept up the pressure.

“Tell me what you want, Sauce,” Carla breathed.

“Get the… the one that goes… inside,” Lisa instructed.

Carla kissed her hard before climbing off her lap.  She hurried to the bedside drawer and took out the dildo Lisa had requested.  Turning back, she watched the blonde for a moment, breathless and flushed on the chair. She smiled, sauntering over to her.  Kneeling down, she parted her legs, gently pushing the shorter end inside her.  She looked up at her, checking she was happy.  Lisa nodded, never taking her eyes off Carla as she slipped off her last remaining item of clothing.

“You ready for me?” Carla asked.

“Always,” Lisa said, reaching out for her.

Carla returned to her lap, moaning loudly, as Lisa guided the longer end of the dildo inside her.  They happily built up their rhythm again, Lisa’s short nails digging into Carla’s backside, Carla’s hands in Lisa’s hair.  It wasn’t long before they both came, one just behind the other.  Carla fell against Lisa, their nipples pressing against each other, both women hot and spent.

“I really liked my present,” Lisa whispered, making Carla chuckle against her shoulder.

“Good,” she managed.  “Happy birthday.”

“I can’t wait to see what you do for my 50^th!”

Next time... Valentine's Day over the years...

Chapter Text

14th February 2025

Lisa always woke up on Valentine’s Day with a feeling of grief, deep in her stomach.  Even since being with Becky, who always made an effort on the day, since the breakdown of her marriage to Carla, all she really associated the day with, was the day her marriage broke up.  One of the worst days of her life.  One she had never got over, not in all these years.

She lay in bed with her eyes closed, aware of Becky breathing beside her.  She wondered who Carla was waking up beside in her flat.  Despite making peace, things had become somewhat stilted between them since she had walked in on her with Leanne.  She really hoped she wasn’t with Leanne.

In her flat, Carla woke up alone.  She hated Valentine’s Day.  It always made her desperately sad.  She truly had picked the worst day of the year to end her marriage.  Somehow it felt worse this year, knowing that Lisa was blissfully happy with Becky, engaged and moving on.  For a moment, just a moment, she had hoped that perhaps Lisa was wavering.  That she still loved her and wanted to be with her.  But over the last ten days, Lisa had been nothing but distant.  She had been livid to see her with Leanne, which Carla understood.  It had been a foolish thing to do.  And privately, Carla was struggling to shake her off again.  She just hoped that there would be no comeback on Lisa.  Again.

14^th February 2008

“Don’t look at me like that,” Lisa said grouchily.

Carla chuckled.

“Like what?”

“Like you find me remotely attractive,” the blonde snapped.  “Because it’s a lie.  Just because it’s Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean you have to lie to me.  I know I look like a pig.”

“Darling,” Carla said, drawing her partner into her arms.  “You could never look like a pig.”

“I’m the size of a fucking house, Carla!”

“You’re pregnant.”

“And I can’t stop fucking eating!”

“Or swearing.  Have you noticed?”

Lisa glared at her.

“If you had to piss every five seconds, you’d be swearing too, Carla.”

“Was I this grumpy when I was pregnant?” the brunette asked.

“No,” Lisa said, still sounding annoyed but snuggling up against her.  “You were fucking perfect.”

Carla sighed.

“Maybe because I didn’t get as far along as you,” she said thoughtfully.

Lisa felt tears escape her.  Carla pressed her lips onto the top of Lisa’s head.

“You would have been perfect,” Lisa said.  “The whole way through.”

“Hey…” Carla said, realising she was crying.

She moved to tilt Lisa’s face so they could see each other.

“I’m sorry,” she said.  “I didn’t mean to upset you, Sauce.”

“You didn’t,” Lisa said, wiping her eyes.  “I just feel guilty.  Moaning.  After what happened.  I just feel so fat and horrible and like you’re never going to fancy me again.”

“Okay, firstly, you’re allowed to feel however the hell you want to feel,” Carla told her.  “You’re carrying our baby, Lisa!  Secondly, don’t feel guilty.  Don’t ever feel guilty.  What happened was awful.  We’re going to miss our baby for the rest of our lives.  It hurts every day.  But we’re going to give this little one absolutely everything we have, aren’t we?”

Lisa nodded.

“And thirdly, you’re not fat or horrible and there is nothing on this earth that could ever make me not want you,” Carla said.  “Ever.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing.  Want me to show you how much I want you?”

Lisa nodded.

“Can I go to the loo first?”

Carla cackled.

“I think that’s probably a good idea!  I don’t want to have to stop halfway through like last time; it put me right off my game!”

Lisa hauled herself to her feet, glaring at her.  Carla bit her lip guiltily.

“I love you,” she offered.

“You’d better be honoured if I bother coming back,” Lisa warned.

14^th February 2015

“I feel bad, bundling Betsy off to Mum and Dad’s for the night but it’s so lovely to have the place to ourselves for once…” Lisa admitted.

It was their first Valentine’s as a married couple.  Carla had cooked one of Lisa’s favourite meals, setting a candlelit table.

“It’s been really nice,” Carla said.  “Don’t tell her I said that.  We’ll have to say how much we missed her!”

Lisa chuckled.

“Absolutely!  Missed her terribly!”

She smiled as their wedding song came on.  Carla beamed back at her and stood up.

“Dance with me?” she asked, extending her hand.

Lisa blushed and accepted Carla’s hand, allowing herself to be pulled into her embrace.

“All those dance lessons weren’t a waste, see?” Lisa pointed out.

“We only had them because you were panicked about looking stupid on the day!”

“I didn’t want people to laugh because I’ve got two left feet!”

“Darling, nobody was going to laugh at you when you looked that hot,” Carla told her.

Lisa gazed up at her.

“You always make me feel special.”

Carla kissed her.

“Because you are special.  And you looked particularly delicious that day.  I could hardly wait to get to our hotel and rip that suit off you!”

Lisa laughed.

“Darling, you didn’t wait!  You dragged me up to the hotel room halfway through the reception!”

Carla laughed loudly.

“Oh yeah!  Well, nobody could blame me!”

They kissed again.

“Speaking of…  Are we going to have dessert before or after we um…?”

“Oh, I thought we might combine the two things,” Lisa told her, an eyebrow raised.

“Oh?  Oh!” Carla said, catching on.

She had been in charge of dinner.  Lisa had been in charge of pudding.  Lisa broke away.  Carla followed as Lisa headed towards the fridge in the kitchen, rummaging for a few moments.  Triumphantly, she produced squirty cream, strawberries and a bottle of chocolate sauce.

“Acceptable?”

“Oh, very acceptable!” Carla said eagerly.

Lisa offered a wicked grin and headed for the stairs.  Carla hurried after her.

“Yep, I think, upon careful deliberation… you’re my favourite topping,” Carla decided, having dipped a strawberry between Lisa’s legs and eaten it.

Lisa moaned and closed her eyes.  She was feeling exceptionally sensitive, after all the attention Carla had paid her.

“Much better than cream or chocolate,” Carla continued, kissing her lips.  “Although, I also prefer you covered in chocolate or cream to a strawberry so… there’s definitely a theme going on here.”

Lisa grinned, pulling her closer for a fiercer kiss.  Carla’s hand settled on Lisa’s sticky nipple.  Both of them were messy, as were the bedsheets, having got rather carried away with dessert.  Lisa moaned into Carla’s mouth.  Carla kissed her way back down Lisa’s body, settling between her legs yet again.  Lisa groaned, unsure whether she could even take anymore.  But then, how could she possibly turn down attention from Carla and her talented tongue?

“Seriously, can I have this dessert every day?” Carla asked, kissing her centre gently.  “You’re absolutely delicious.”

“You can have it whenever you want, Pickle,” Lisa managed.  “For the rest of your life.  I never ever want to stop doing this with you.  Ever.”

“And we never will, Sauce.  Never.  You’re my soul mate.”

14^th February 2025

Carla braced herself to knock on Lisa’s door.  She and Betsy had arranged to go out for the evening and for Betsy to come and stay the night.  She wasn’t keen on seeing Lisa, especially if she was in the middle of getting ready for a romantic night with Becky.  But it was unavoidable.

“Hi,” Lisa said awkwardly, pulling the door open.

“Hi,” Carla replied.

Lisa didn’t look particularly dressed up, which was a bonus.

“I’ve just come to pick Betsy up,” Carla explained.

“Yeah, she said she was staying at yours tonight,” Lisa said.  “I’m surprised.  I thought tonight would be a great night for you to pull.”

“Not really,” Carla said.  “I’m not a massive fan of Valentine’s.  I split up with the love of my life a few years ago on Valentine’s so it’s a day that kind of hurts.”

Lisa looked startled by the admission.  A lump ached in her throat.

“Yeah,” she said softly.  “It does.”

“What about you?  Something nice and romantic planned with the love of your life?” Carla asked.

Tears sprung from nowhere for Lisa.  For Carla too.  Both women looked away, trying to regulate themselves.

“Sauce…” Carla tried.

“Pickle…” Lisa said at the same time.

“I’ve got the takeaway!” Becky announced, striding through the door and barging past Carla.

She looked between the two of them, apologising for interrupting.

“It’s fine,” Lisa said.

Her heart ached for Carla.  She just couldn’t help it.

“I’m just here to collect Bets.”

Becky immediately yelled for her step-daughter, who appeared at the top of the stairs, then came thundering down them.

“Well, I’ll see you,” Carla said, looking sadly at Lisa.  “Have a good night.”

“And you,” Lisa said equally as sadly.

She hugged Betsy goodbye and watched them walk to the car, Carla switching to chatting animatedly with Betsy.

“I’m surprised she’s not off shagging some twenty year old,” Becky remarked, closing the front door.  “That’s normally her style.”

“Well, Valentine’s isn’t the easiest day for us,” Lisa reminded her.

“Well, that’s her fault, isn’t it?” Becky pointed out.  “She’s the muppet who dumped you.  I’d never be so stupid.”

Next time... a reflection on Carla and Lisa's life as parents to Betsy...

Chapter Text

31^st March 2008

“But it’s too early,” Lisa said.  “We’re not due until the beginning of June.  How can I be in labour now?”

She and Carla clutched each other’s hands tightly.  Lisa’s heart was pounding.  After the miscarriage, they had been so careful.  Carla had practically wrapped her up in bubble wrap, protecting her from the outside world.  She had gone onto desk duty almost as soon as they’d found out as was pregnant for fear of coming to harm.  Being such a hands on person, Lisa had found it exceptionally frustrating.  But the fear of something happening to their daughter was worse.  She knew neither of them could go through that pain again.

“Listen, you don’t need to worry about a thing,” their midwife, Ruhma Carter told them warmly.  “I’ve delivered hundreds of babies and plenty of them premature.  We’ve got everything on standby.  Everything organised.  All you need to do is sit back, relax and push when I tell you.  And you…”

She turned to Carla.

“… you just need to hold your partner’s hand, encourage her and do everything she demands.  Can you do that?”

Carla beamed at midwife, relieved that she had been available to support them, despite the lack of notice.

“I absolutely can.”

“I know this is scary because of everything you’ve been through before,” Ruhma said.  “But we’ll get through this together.  Let’s focus on getting excited to meet your daughter, okay?  Even if it’s a bit earlier than we planned!”

31^st March 2009

Carla and Lisa had gathered all their friends, including several people from their mother and baby group with their kids, for Betsy’s first birthday.  They were aware that Betsy had no real idea what was going on but there was no way they were missing celebrating such a special day.

“Everything looks perfect,” Lisa said proudly, looking at the hall they had hired.

Carla smiled, holding sleeping Betsy in her arms.

“This is all for you, baby,” she said.  “We’ll always do absolutely everything for you.”

29th March 2015

It was Betsy’s seventh birthday.  Well, it would be on Tuesday.  She had requested a full on Princess theme, which had quite frankly horrified both her parents.  But of course, her request had been granted.  Dressed as Snow White, Carla slipped her arm around Lisa, who was dressed as Elsa.  Both at Betsy’s request.  They had both wanted to dress as Prince Charming.  They watched the Princess themed children’s entertainer attempt to keep control of the class of feral children, hyped up on cake.

“I am very glad I deal with criminals for a living and not kids,” Lisa decided.

“I’m very glad I deal with fabrics,” Carla agreed.  “They don’t answer back.”

“Your staff do!”

Carla laughed.  She looked Lisa up and down.

“I can’t wait for Snow White and Elsa to hook up, by the way.”

Lisa laughed.

“Well, the theory is that Elsa’s gay,” she said.  “I’ve never heard anything about Snow White.”

“Everyone’s got potential.  You hear about these women in their fifties who meet someone who turns their head and rocks their world.”

Back at home, having just about managed to put Betsy to bed, still in costume, Carla found Lisa in the bedroom.  Also still in costume.

“Oh, Elsa…” she said, drawing her into her arms.

They kissed.  Carla sank onto her knees, pushing the long, blue dress up.

“I didn’t know Disney princesses wore boxers,” Carla said.

Lisa laughed.

“Modern ones do,” she told her.

Carla guided Lisa’s underwear down and discarded them.  She nudged Lisa backwards so she was sat on the bed before kissing her way up her thighs.

“This is so weird,” Lisa said.  “I can’t see you.”

“Do you like it?” Carla asked.

“Kind of.  I don’t know what you’re going to…”

She cut off when Carla licked a long stripe from her centre to her clit.  She let out a guttural moan instead.

“… next.  Carla…”

“Mmm?”

“Just…  Never mind.”

She opened her legs wider and lay back on the bed.

“Keep going.”

She did.

27th March 2021

They hadn’t been sure if they would be able to have a get together for Betsy’s 13^th birthday.  But the latest lockdown had eased in time for her to be allowed to have a couple of friends over.  Thirteen was a special, significant day.  They had wanted to throw her a big party but the past year had meant that that wasn’t really possible.  They had been granted special permission to take her out of school on the actual day, so they could take her out for the day.  It wasn’t like her education hadn’t been messed up enough over the last year.  What was one more day?

“Right, I think that’s them all tucked up,” Lisa said, returning to the lounge.  “Although I think they’re going to be talking all night long!”

“I’m just so glad she actually got to have her mates over.  I was starting to get worried.  Especially after last year when she didn’t get to do anything.”

“We made it nice,” Lisa said.  “She was so glad you decided to move in with us for the lockdown.”

She looked at Carla through her long lashes.

“So was I.”

“Well, it made sense, didn’t it?  You still had to go to work every day, hero that you are.  Betsy needed someone at home to help her with her school work and to look after her.  I mean, you both needed someone to look after you, quite frankly.  I don’t know what you would have done without me!”

Lisa laughed.

“No,” she said.  “I don’t know either.  I am sorry I gave you Covid though.”

“Oh, what’s a little Covid amongst friends?”

They smiled lovingly at each other.

“You’ve been my rock through everything, Pickle,” Lisa said earnestly.  “I mean it.  Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Carla said.  “And honestly, I wasn’t being selfless.  If I hadn’t moved in here, I would have gone months without seeing you.  I know we were allowed to pass Bets between us but we wouldn’t have seen each other and I couldn’t bear it.”

Lisa smiled at her.

“I couldn’t either,” she admitted.  “Carla, I…”

“Mum?”

Betsy’s voice interrupted meekly.  They both turned to see Betsy hovering.

“What’s up, Betsy?”

“Sabrina spilt her drink all over the carpet.”

“Right,” Carla said, hauling herself to her feet.  “I’ll go get the carpet cleaner.”

“She’s scared she’s going to get into trouble.  I told her you’re not like that.”

Both women frowned.

“Was it an accident?” Lisa asked.

Betsy nodded.

“Then she’s not in any trouble,” Lisa confirmed.

Betsy smiled and ran up the stairs to tell her friend.

31^st March 2025

“Why are you all being so weird?” Betsy asked curiously, as Lisa, Carla and Becky all gathered in the lounge.

“It’s your birthday!” Lisa said excitedly.

“I know,” Betsy said.  “Mum we did all this, this morning.  What’s going on?”

“We want to give you your present,” Carla said.

“I already got my presents.”

“No, this is your main present,” Carla said.  “The three of us clubbed together for it.”

“The three of you?  Bloody hell!” Betsy remarked.

They let it slide.

“Come on then!” Carla said, taking her daughter by the hand.

“Where are we…?”

She stopped when Carla flung open the front door.  On the drive was not Lisa’s car but a second hand, grey, Ford Puma.

“What’s this?”

“A car, silly!” Lisa beamed.

“For me?”

“For you.  Insured and ready to learn in,” Carla said proudly.  “We’ve booked you the first ten lessons and we’ll all help in between so hopefully it won’t take long to pass your test.  Then the world’s your lobster.”

“Oyster,” Becky corrected.

Carla glared at her.

“Yeah, I know it’s ‘oyster’ but the lobster bit is a joke.  It comes from a TV show.”

Becky looked at her blankly.

“Never mind.

She turned back to Betsy.

“What do you think?  Are you happy?”

Betsy threw herself into her arms, thanking her.  She did the same with Lisa.  She even hugged Becky.

“This is so amazing,” she said.  “Thank you all.  I’m so grateful.”

“You’re very welcome, darling,” Lisa said, thrilled that her daughter was so excited.

“Right,” Carla said.  “Shall we go off to this fancy dinner you requested.  Pizza Hut, wasn’t it?”

31^st March 2008

“Here we are,” Ruhma said gently.  “Here’s your baby girl.”

She carefully handed the tiny baby, wrapped in a bundle of blankets, over to Lisa, who held her close.  Carla gazed at them both, mesmerised.

“I’m afraid we don’t have long,” Ruhma said.  “Baby needs to go into an incubator, just to help her along a bit.”

“Why?” Lisa and Carla both asked.

“Just because she’s so small,” Ruhma explained.  “We just need to monitor her for a few days.”

Lisa handed the baby to Carla so she had a chance to hold her before she was taken.

“You should go with her, not stay with me,” she said.

“I’ll make sure she’s okay but I need to stay with you, Sauce,” Carla told her.  “You’ve just been through a massive trauma.  I’m not just going to abandon you.”

Lisa smiled affectionately at her.

“Do we have a name for baby yet?” Ruhma asked.

“Betsy,” Lisa told her.  “Short for Elizabeth.”

Ruhma smiled at her.

“Beautiful,” she said.

Next time... Carla has a confession and in 2020, the girls spend lockdown together...

Chapter Text

25th December 2010

“Anything I can do to help?” Lisa asked, entering the busy kitchen.

“No, no, I’m good,” Carla said, pausing amid her organised chaos, cooking Christmas dinner for the first time.

Well, she had cooked last year but only for herself and Lisa.  Betsy hadn’t counted.  This year, for some preposterous reason, they had invited Michelle, Steve, and Michelle’s son, Ryan over for the day, as well as Lisa’s parents.  The pressure was on.

“Should I stop distracting you?”

Carla shook her head and drew Lisa into her arms.

“Never,” she said.

They kissed.

“How’s it going in there?”

“Oh, you know… chaos.  Betsy’s running my parents ragged, Ryan’s not looked up from his phone for about an hour, Steve farted and pretended it wasn’t him but everyone knew and Michelle keeps telling him off.”

“Actually sounds more peaceful in here!” Carla chuckled.

A timer buzzed.

“Oh shit!”

She dived for the oven.

“I’m really happy to help you.”

Carla glanced back at her.  Lisa was watching her bottom carefully.

“You’re just trying to get away from Smelly Steve,” Carla accused.

Lisa chuckled.  She frowned went Carla closed the oven and straightened up.

“And I saw you checking me out.”

“Darling, I always check you out,” Lisa told her.

Carla blushed, feeling flattered and pleased.  She reached out to hug her again.

“You already laid the table and wrapped all the gifts,” she said.  “This is my bit.  Honestly.”

“Okay,” Lisa sighed.  “I’ll go back to Smelly Steve.  Let me know when you need help dishing up, okay?”

They kissed each other goodbye and Lisa trudged back into the lounge.

It had been a lovely day.  Everyone had had a lovely time.  But Carla and Lisa were glad to have their home back to themselves.  Betsy was asleep, although how long for remained a mystery.

“I am so proud of you,” Lisa told Carla, opening her arms.

Carla beamed at her, snuggling into her partner’s embrace on the sofa.  She lay her head on her chest, wrapping her arm round her waist.

“Make sure you don’t squeeze me,” Lisa warned.  “I’m full of potatoes!”

“Is that your polite way of telling me you’re not putting out tonight?” Carla smirked.

Lisa laughed.

“Give me a minute.”

Carla chuckled.  She began rubbing her tummy, making Lisa again.

“Oh God, it’s like when I was pregnant, except there’s a food baby in there!”

Carla laughed loudly, snuggling into her.

“Do we have to give her a name?” she asked.

“No!  Please don’t!”

“It’d have to be something Christmassy like Ivy or Holly, I reckon.”

“More like Brussell Sprout or Turkey, surely?” Lisa mused.

Carla kissed her tummy.

“Hello Brussell,” she said.

“You are actually bonkers, do you know that?” Lisa said, stroking her hair.

“But you love me!”

“With all my heart,” Lisa told her sincerely.

1^st April 2025

Lisa was nervous as she waited to Carla to meet her in the pub for lunch.  Carla had asked her when they’d all met the night before to celebrate Betsy’s birthday.  Things hadn’t been right between them for weeks, not since that night with Leanne.  They had made tentative peace but things hadn’t been the same.

“Hi.”

Lisa looked up, as she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.  They smiled nervously at each other.

“Hi,” she replied.  “I ordered us day drinks.  Figured we’d both be going back to work.”

“Thank you,” Carla said gratefully.

“And I ordered us a couple of hotpots.”

Carla thanked her again.

“It was nice last night, wasn’t it?  Betsy seemed pleased with the car.  Good call.”

“Well, it was your idea.”

“You found it,” Carla pointed out.

“Teamwork then.”

Carla smiled sadly at her.

“We’ve always made a good team,” she said.

Lisa nodded, just as sad.

“Sauce, I know I screwed up,” Carla said honestly.  “And I’ve said sorry a million times.  I just don’t know what I have to do to get you to forgive me.  Properly.  You know, so we can get back to how we were before?  I swear, I’ll do anything.  Just name it and I’ll do it.  I need you back in my life, Lisa.  Back to being my best friend.”

Lisa swallowed.  The request was so much more complicated than Carla realised.

“I don’t need to forgive you, Carla,” Lisa said.  “It’s all fine now.  Honestly.”

“Then why are you being so weird with me?” Carla asked.  “I’m sorry I slept with Leanne.  It was a stupid thing to do.  I know that.”

“It’s not…  I mean, yes, it was a bloody ridiculous thing to do.  The woman is unhinged, Carla.  It took you weeks to shake her.  She threw wine over me.  She dumped all our sex toys on the reception desk at work.  I got put on report!”

“I know.  I’m so sorry.”

“I mean, what were you actually thinking?”

“I wasn’t thinking.  I was drinking.  I was lonely.”

“Carla, have you ever considered that sex isn’t the answer to your loneliness?”

Carla looked startled.  She sipped her lime and soda.

“It’s an easy thing to say when you’re not lonely, Sauce,” Carla eventually replied.

Lisa held her gaze.

“Who says I’m not lonely?”

Carla gazed at her, willing her to continue.

“What do you mean?” Carla asked when she didn’t.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“No, it does.”

“Carla, the whole reason I went out and met Becky in the first place was because the night before, I laid my heart on the line and told you I was in love with you and I wanted us to get back together.  And you rejected me.  While we were still in bed together.  We weren’t even dressed yet.  Do you not even remember that?  And do you think, even by meeting her, I could just turn those feelings off?  I mean, we’ve slept together twice sinceI’ve been with her.  None of that would have happened if I didn’t still have feelings for you.  So yeah, it’s pretty lonely, loving someone for twenty years, thinking you’d be with them forever, not being with them, watching them shag half of Manchester instead of you, sometimes as well as you, trying to make it work with someone else.  It hurts, Carla.  It’s like a void that can’t be filled.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Sauce…” Carla said, reaching for her hand.

Lisa let her but wasn’t enthusiastic about it.

“I bought you flowers that night,” Carla confessed.

Lisa looked up sharply.

“Sorry?”

“The night you met Becky.  I bought you flowers.  I came to tell you I wanted us to make a go of things.”

Lisa snatched her hand back.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Carla was startled.

“I um…”

“You were going to ask me to make a go of things and you tell me that three fucking years later?  Are you actually joking?”

“Well, I saw you on the doorstep with Becky and I…”

“And you saw the chance to get out of making any kind of commitment to me?  Again?” Lisa concluded, shaking her head.

“No!  Lisa, I was absolutely devastated.  I knew I’d missed my chance with you and I…”

“Bottled it.  Because all you ever do is let me down.  You’re happy to get into my bed whenever you get the chance but nothing more.  The breakup was the best thing that ever happened to you, wasn’t it?”

“No!” Carla cried.  “It was worst thing that ever happened to me.  And you know I don’t say that lightly, Lisa.”

The two women stared at each other, grief stricken for several moments.

“I can’t believe you just gave up like that,” Lisa said.

She stood up, grabbing her coat.

“What about lunch?”

“I’m not hungry,” Lisa said.  “Why don’t you go through your little black book?”

She stormed out of the pub.

23^rd March 2020

“Well, this is kind of weird,” Carla said, dumping her bags on the floor, as she was welcomed by an excitable eleven year old.

Lisa smiled at her ex-wife.

“Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?”

“Move back in with you?  Yeah, why not?  It’s only for a few weeks, isn’t it?  While they get this Covid thing under control.”

“They think Boris is going to announce the lockdown tonight,” Lisa told her.  “There’s going to be some kind of statement at eight or half past.”

“Well, I probably did something utterly ridiculous but I just did a massive shop.  The boot is absolutely full of food.  There was hardly any loo roll though.  Weird.  Come and help me bring it all in?”

Lisa grinned and followed her and Betsy out to the car to retrieve all the bags.  They had been talking for the last couple of weeks about what they would do if a national lockdown did come into force.  They were worried about what the rules would be for Betsy to move between their homes.  And also, what they would do if they couldn’t see each other.  They saw each other pretty much every day.  They would miss each other terribly.  So, they had settled upon the idea of Carla moving back into the house.  The factory would likely be closed but Lisa would still be working.  Carla would be able to look after them all that way.

“My only real worry about all of this is that I’m going to bring Covid into the house,” Lisa fretted.

Betsy was asleep, having watched the Prime Minister’s announcement with them.  They had talked through everything, including that she would be home schooled for the next few weeks.  Now, Lisa and Carla were sat on different ends of the sofa.

“I’ve still got to be out on the streets and we haven’t got a lot of protection.  You know, masks and things.  It’s pretty much just fend for ourselves,” Lisa continued.  “I don’t want to get it and make you both ill.”

“Is this your way of telling me we won’t be bunking up for the next few weeks?” Carla smirked.

Lisa laughed.

“Yeah, as much as I’d love to spend the next few weeks in bed with you, I really don’t want to make you unwell, Pickle.”

Carla pouted.

“Well, this was a pointless move, wasn’t it?” she joked.

12^th April 2020

It had been a glorious Easter Sunday.  Lisa had been off work for the whole weekend.  Carla had cooked a lovely roast dinner for all of them and Lisa had organised an Easter Egg hunt in the garden.  Betsy had protested at first, insisted that at twelve years old, she was far too old to participate.  She had then become exceptionally competitive with Carla, as the two of them had hunted for eggs, much to Lisa’s amusement, as she watched them search.

Lisa hated to admit it to herself but she loved living with Carla again.  She was trying not to get too attached.  She knew it was only temporary.  It helped that she had put social distancing rules in place, to a degree, for fear of making Carla and Betsy unwell.  It wasn’t like they were living separate lives.  They sat on the sofa and watched TV together.  But they didn’t cuddle.  They ate dinner together but didn’t finish each other’s food.  And crucially, they weren’t sleeping together.  Carla had spent every night in the spare room and no lines had been crossed.

14^th April 2020

Lisa arrived back from work late and stressed.  Betsy was already in bed.  Carla had waited up for her.

“Oh, Pickle, you didn’t need to wait up for me,” Lisa said.

She headed straight into the downstairs bathroom, stripping straight out of her work clothes and into her pyjamas.  She reappeared, striding into the kitchen and bunging her clothes into the wash.  Carla was already in the kitchen, warming up her dinner and pouring her a glass of wine.

“Thanks, darling.”

“No problem.  Sit.  I’ll put the wash on.”

“I’m not going to want you to leave when this is over, you know,” Lisa told her, taking the wine and hopping up onto the stool at the breakfast bar.

It was true.  She already didn’t want her to leave.  She loved having Carla living with them.  She’d missed having her around all the time, missed coming home to her, missed that domesticity.

“Maybe I won’t then!” Carla joked.

She took Lisa’s plate out of the microwave and placed it in front of Lisa with a knife and fork.

“This looks delicious as always,” Lisa said.  “Thank you.”

She began tucking in.

“How was Betsy tonight?  How’s her school project going?”

“Slowly.  She keeps getting distracted.”

“I wonder who she gets that from!”

“What are you implying, young lady?”

Lisa laughed.

“I can focus when it’s on the right thing!” Carla insisted.

“Women, you mean!”

Carla smirked at her.

“I completed my cooking course, didn’t I?”

“You did.  And you did bloody well at it too.  And you’re a great businesswoman.  But your concentration is still terrible.”

Carla pouted.

“How was your day?  Rough?”

“Do I look that bad?” Lisa laughed.

Carla shook her head.

“You never look bad.  But you do look stressed.”

Lisa sighed.  She ate a few more mouthfuls.

“It was probably the worst day since the lockdown started,” she admitted.  “I don’t think I’m going to sleep very well tonight.”

Lisa was in bed when there was a soft knock at the door.  She put her phone down and called for her visitor to come in.  She expected Betsy.  The twelve year old quite often knocked if she was worried about something or had had a bad dream and needed reassurance.  She was surprised when Carla pushed open the door.

“Hi,” she greeted.

“I um… had an idea about how to relax you and help you sleep,” the brunette ventured, closing the door behind her.

“Well, you haven’t got a nightcap or a hot water bottle with you…” Lisa remarked.

Carla smirked and perched on the end of the bed.  She moved the duvet off Lisa’s legs.

“Um… Carla…”

Carla moved up the bed and reached for the waistband of Lisa’s pyjama trousers.

“Carla, we’re not meant to be…”

Carla glanced up from her.

“Well, unless you’ve been putting it about, I figure I don’t need to social distance from your clit, do I?” she smirked.  “As long as I don’t kiss those lips…”

She nodded towards her face.

“… I can do whatever I like with these ones?  And a nice, lovely orgasm should get your right off to sleep!”

Lisa groaned at Carla charming smile.  She nodded, lying back against the pillows, her willpower immediately disolving, as Carla continued to guide her trousers down and off her legs.  She settled happily between her thighs.

“Mmm…” Carla moaned, kissing her centre.  “I have missed you.”

Lisa moaned again as she felt Carla begin to explore with her lips and tongue.  She closed her eyes, savouring every sensation that Carla offered, the way she circled her entrance and then ran her tongue over her clit.  She was already throbbing with desire.  Wetness was already beginning to pool at the prospect of Carla devouring her.  It had been a good few months since they last slept together and it felt like forever.

“Do you have any idea how delicious you are, Sauce?  I know I tell you every time but honestly, you’re absolutely divine,” Carla told her.

The vibration of her lips as she spoke only turned her on more.  Carla took her time, building her up, enjoying the way she gasped and shuddered beneath her.  Finally deciding she had teased her just a little too much, she guided her gently over the edge, working her tongue hard to bring her to climax.  Unable to control herself, Lisa cried out loudly, forgetting all about the pre-teen down the corridor, as she clamped her ex-wife’s head tightly between her thighs.  She came hard against Carla’s mouth, leaving them both breathless.

Carla continued to kiss her until she calmed down enough to release her.  She kissed her thighs softly as she moved away.  She reached onto the floor and picked up her pyjama bottoms and slid them onto her legs.  She rested her chin on Lisa’s bent knees.

“I hope that helped.”

“Oh, it helped!”
“I cannot wait to fuck you again when I can kiss your mouth,” Carla told her.  “But for now, that’ll do.  Honestly. Absolutely delicious.”

She offered a cheeky wink and headed back to her bedroom.

Next time... back in 2019, both Carla and Lisa attempt to date other people...

Chapter Text

2nd April 2019

“So, are you going to do anything about that?” Dee Dee asked.

Lisa looked at her friend blankly.

“About the hot redhead who hasn’t taken her eyes off you all night, you muppet!” Michelle said bluntly.

Lisa glanced in the direction her friends were nodding.  She blanched as the redhead smiled.

“Yeah, no,” Lisa said, picking her drink back up.  “She’s probably looking at someone else anyway.”

“She’s looking at you,” Michelle said.  “And so was that woman last week.  And the woman last month.  Honestly, are you blind?”

Lisa shrugged and finished her drink.  She was about to order another when the redhead appeared beside her.

“Can I buy that for you?” she asked.

“And that’s my cue to go!” Dee Dee decided, patting Lisa on the shoulder as she left.

It was a couple of hours later when Carla arrived at The Rovers for a quick drink.  She’d been working late, preparing for a meeting with a new client.  She was nervous about pitching to someone so impressive.

“Hey,” she greeted Michelle, who poured her a glass of red.

“I wasn’t expecting you tonight,” her friend said.  “I assumed you had Betsy.”

“She’s with Lisa’s parents for a few days,” Carla explained.  “Lisa’s got a massive case on at work and I’ve been prepping for this presentation tomorrow so…”

She trailed off, looking behind her to where Lisa was sat very closely with a very beautiful woman.  She turned back to Michelle.

“Who’s that?”

“Just… some woman.  She asked to buy Lisa a drink and…  Well…”

“I thought Lisa was busy,” Carla said, clearly hurt.

She turned back just as the woman moved in and kissed her ex-wife.  She felt like she couldn’t breathe.

“Forget the wine,” Carla said quickly, turning to leave.

“Carla,” Michelle interjected.  “Lisa has seen you hook up with how many people in the last two years?  This is the first time she’s even looked at anyone but you.”

“I’ve never done it in front of her, have I?” Carla snapped.  “Even when I had Paula hanging round my neck, I didn’t actually go near her in front of Lisa.”

“And to be fair, Lisa has no idea that you’re here.”

“And now, I’m not going to be!”

She left.

3rd April 2019

“Well, all of that was very impressive,” Toni Gordon said, as Carla’s pitch came to a close.  “It’d be a real pleasure to do business with you, Carla.”

Carla beamed at the Scottish woman, sat comfortably in the armchair of her office.  She was desperately relieved.  Especially as she had barely slept, thinking about the redhead from last night with her tongue rammed down Lisa’s throat.  She knew she was being unreasonable.  She had started dating Paula within months of them splitting up.  She could only imagine how much that had hurt, based on how she was currently feeling and they’d been separated for two years.  More or less.  Often less.

“It’d also be a pleasure to do something more intimate with you…” Toni told her.

The remark caught Carla off guard.  She was normally very good at reading signals.  She hadn’t read any today.  Had she really been that distracted?

“Oh?  Oh!  Um…”

“Unless I’m reading you wrong?  Or I’ve heard all the wrong stories.”

Carla cleared her throat and sat down.

“Stories?”

“About how you got this place for starters,” Toni said.

Carla swallowed.  Only a handful of people knew that particular story.

“I mean, you must be very talented if she left you her whole business?  And that was years ago.  Imagine the skills you’ve picked up since then.”

Carla didn’t know whether to be flattered or insulted.

“I mean, that’s not why she…  It was more because I was the only one she could…  And I’ve really done my own thing with the place since then.  Like you say, it was years ago and…”

Toni reached forward and touched her hand.

“Carla, I’m really just saying I think you’re hot,” she said.  “And sometimes, I think it’s a very good idea to mix business and pleasure.”

13^th April 2019

Lisa was nervous.  She and Megan had been dating for almost two weeks and so far, it was going well.  It wasn’t what Lisa had expected.  She had only popped into the pub for a quick drink after a gruelling day at work, knowing she had another one ahead of her the next day.  Megan asking her out had surprised her.  And wanting to say yes had surprised her too.  For fourteen years, her head had been consumed by Carla.  But over the last two years, Carla had had no concerns over dating other people, even those who were vastly inappropriate.  It had hurt Lisa to be passed over time and again.  Even though Carla seemed very happy to keep coming back to her in between dates.  Their sex life had been as active as it had ever been.  But Lisa always longed for more.  Every time they parted, she told herself not to fall for Carla again, to get some self respect and stop ending up in her bed.  But Carla was an addiction she couldn’t seem to quit.  Only now, if things worked out with Megan, she hoped she could.

“Hi!” she greeted, as the redhead walked into the restaurant.

Megan kissed her, taking the seat opposite.

“I have been looking forward to seeing you all day.”

“After you,” Carla said, opening the restaurant door for Toni.

One night had turned into several and without quite realising it, they seemed to be dating.  It was a distraction, at least.  Lisa had told her the other night that she was seeing the redhead, Megan.  Carla had tried not to show she was devastated.  She had informed her that she was seeing someone too.  They had agreed that perhaps now was the time to finally move on with their lives.  Then Carla had cancelled plans with Toni and cried herself to sleep.

“Loving your manners,” Toni said, entering the restaurant.

“Oh, shit,” Carla said.

“Okay, not so much,” Toni frowned.

“Sorry.  I’ve just seen my ex-wife on a date with her new girlfriend.”

“Oh!  Well, let’s go and say hi, shall we?”

Recognising Lisa from the photo of her and Betsy on Carla’s desk, she strode over without waiting for Carla to respond.  Carla hurried after her.

“Lisa, is it?” Toni asked, extending her hand.

The blonde looked at her blankly.  Then Carla appeared behind her, looking flustered and realisation dawned.

“Toni, I assume,” she said, shaking the woman’s hand politely.

“Pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

Megan looked between them all blankly.

“Sorry, Meg.  This is Carla, my ex-wife.  And her new… partner?”

“Toni,” the woman introduced herself.

“Meg.”

They shook hands.  Carla felt like she might combust with anxiety.  The waiter appeared to let them know their table was ready.

“Unless you want to become a four?” he offered.

Lisa and Carla were both about to object but Toni accepted immediately.

“I mean, perfect time for us all to get to know each other, right?”

“I am so bloody sorry,” Carla said when Lisa, predictably, followed her into the toilets.  “I don’t know what she was thinking!”

“What are you talking about?  Dinner isn’t as awkward as fuck,” Lisa commented, leaning against the sinks.

“I think she just wants to get to know you better?” Carla tried.

“Wants to make sure I’m not a threat,” Lisa corrected.  “Which I’m not.  Obviously.  You’re happy with her and I’m happy with Meg.”

“Right,” Carla sighed.  “I mean, Meg seems nice.  Bit bland but…”

“She’s not bland!” Lisa said defensively.

“If you say so!”

“She’s just not a loudmouth like you!” Lisa laughed, earning a smirk from Carla.

“I thought you liked my mouth?” she asked, stepping closer and slipping her arms around Lisa’s waist.

“Carla…” Lisa protested.

But Carla was already placing delicate kisses on her neck.

“We’re on dates with other people…” Lisa reminded her.

She felt Carla’s thumb graze her belly bar.  She pulled her in closer to kiss her properly.

“You have got to stop doing this to me,” she murmured against Carla’s lips.

“I thought you liked it…” Carla said.

She kissed her again, her tongue touching Lisa’s bottom lip.  Lisa immediately welcomed her inside.  She felt Carla’s hand slide from her tummy to her breast, her nipple hardening under her touch through her bra.  She moaned against her mouth.  Then she firmly pushed her away, keeping her hands on her shoulder.

“I do,” she said.  “And that’s the whole problem, isn’t it?”

Carla pouted.

“Come on, Sauce…  We could leave them to it, sneak off to yours…”

“No!” Lisa laughed.  “Pickle, I’m really trying here.  Really trying.”

Carla sighed dramatically.

“Fine.  Let’s date other people,” she agreed, her tone sarcastic and playful.

She stole one more kiss before she left the toilets.

19^th August 2019

“Toni, I don’t know how many times we’re going to argue about this!” Carla snapped.  “Me and Lisa are done.  Over.  I confessed to you that we still fooled about a bit right at the beginning but that’s done now.  She’s making a go of things with Meg and I’m making a go of things with you.  Why won’t you believe me?”

They were in her office.  It was one of many arguments.  Carla was starting to think the relationship wasn’t worth all the hassle.

“Because I’ve seen the way you look at her, Carla!  Do you have any idea how it makes me feel, knowing I’m always going to be second best to that stupid bitch?”

“Hey!” Carla yelled.  “Don’t talk about her that way!”

“Well, she is stupid.  She had you and she let you go.  I would never do that!  Also, thanks for proving my point.”

“How?” Carla demanded, exasperated.

“You always rush to her defence, Carla.  You’re always so protective.  No matter what.  Lisa comes first.”

“Lisa is the mother of my child,” the brunette pointed out.  “We were together for years.  She’s my best friend.  Of course I’m going to be protective.”

“She’s your ex-wife that you refuse to separate from.  I mean, you’ve been apart for more than two years and you’re not even considering divorcing?  What about when we get married?”

“What?  Hang on, how did we get to married?”

“I didn’t start this relationship on a fling, Carla.”

“Well, yeah, you kind of did.  You heard I was good in bed and wanted to try me out, if you remember.”

“But after that,” Toni said.  “I want this.  You.  Long term.”

“Then you have to accept Lisa in my life.  She’s not going anywhere.”

Toni fixed her with a long, hard stare.

“Do you know what I hate most in life?” she said.  “Women telling me what to do.”

Lisa was enjoying a quiet evening in with Dee Dee when her phone rang.

“The girlfriend?” Dee Dee teased.

Lisa laughed and shook her head.

“Hey, Pickle.  You okay?”

She froze when she heard barely audible breathing on the other end of the line.

“Carla?” she said urgently.  “Carla, are you okay?”

“Hurt,” was all Carla managed.

Lisa jumped to her feet, already shoving her shoes on.

“Carla, where are you, darling?”

“Factory.”

“Okay, I’m coming, sweetheart.”

She glanced up at Dee Dee, about to ask if she could stay with Betsy.  Her friend waived her away dismissively.  Lisa bolted out the door, still talking down the phone to Carla, who was struggling to answer back.

Lisa crashed through the door of the factory.  She hung up the phone, just as she arrived in Carla’s office.  Skidding to her knees, she called Carla’s name.  She looked broken.  Face cut and bruised.  Arm bent at an awkward angle.  She was curled up defensively, as if she’d been kicked.

“Carla?” Lisa said again.  “Carla, can you hear me?”

“Lisa…” Carla managed.

She was drifting in and out of consciousness.  Lisa dialled 999 with shaking fingers, calling for police and an ambulance.

“Darling, who did this?” she asked.

“Toni.”

Carla’s eyes closed again.

“No, Pickle, you have to stay awake,” Lisa begged, tears stinging her eyes.

She’d dealt with hundreds of assaults over the years.  None had hurt like this one.  Her love.  Her soulmate.  A broken mess on the floor.  She reeled off all the information the emergency services needed. 

“Yeah, her name’s Carla Swain,” she told them.  “She’s been assaulted.”

Then she called her DI directly, explaining what had happened and who they were looking for.

It was hours later when Lisa finally got news of Carla’s condition.  She felt like a wreck just waiting.

“She’s all stitched up,” the Doctor said.  “We’ve got to set her arm properly but her CT showed no major head injury.”

Lisa let out a breath.

“She’s asking for you.”

Lisa nodded and hurried into the cubicle, closing the curtain behind her.

“Sauce…” Carla managed.

“Pickle!  I’m so glad you’re okay.”

She hugged her as tightly but as carefully as she could.  She didn’t bother to stop her tears, as she clung onto her.

“We’ve got a team out looking for Toni,” Lisa assured her.  “What… what happened?”

“We had a row,” Carla explained.

“No shit, Sherlock.  Do you want to join CID?”

Carla laughed and then winced in pain.  Lisa took the hand of her non-broken arm.

“What could you possibly have argued about that would have made her do this?”

Carla gazed at Lisa, all the fear and love in her expression.  She wanted to tell her the truth.  That Toni had been jealous because Carla was still desperately in love with her.  But then she imagined Lisa feeling guilty, as if it had been her fault somehow.  It was exactly how Lisa would respond.  She knew it.  She couldn’t bear it.

“She doesn’t trust me,” Carla told her.  “Thinks I’m going to cheat or something.  Lost her temper.”

Lisa sighed, holding her hand a little tighter.

“I never liked her,” she declared.

Carla laughed and then winced again.

“I mean, I’m not her biggest fan anymore,” she admitted.

“She was never good enough for you.  Always thought she was better than everyone else.  Well, she can try it behind bars now.”

“Do you really think you can get a conviction?” Carla asked.

“Carla, are you joking?  Do you not know me at all?  The woman beat the shit out you.  Of course I’m going to get a conviction.  Nobody hurts my Pickle and gets away with it.”

30^th August 2019

“I’m not trying to be out of order or anything but how many times are you going to cancel on me for her?” Megan asked impatiently.

Lisa sighed, cradling the phone to her ear as she took a several tins from the supermarket shelf and dumped them in her trolley.

“I have said I’m sorry, Meg.  But Carla needs me at the moment.”

“Oh, she always needs you!” Meg snapped.  “I could almost wonder if she got herself beaten up so you’d run around after her, waiting on her hand and foot.”

Lisa stopped abruptly.

“That’s not okay.”

“Oh, sorry.  I forgot, nobody can say anything against your precious Carla.”

“Look, I’m sorry about cancelling.  She’s got no food in and…”

“And can’t click some buttons to do an order?  Can’t send out for some takeaway?”

“I want to look after her, Meg.”

“And that’s the crux of it, isn’t it?  That’s always the crux of everything.  You want to look after her.  You’ve never got over her.”

It was a familiar argument.

“Yeah,” she eventually said.  “You’re probably right so, I guess we’re done here.”

“What?”

The voice at the other end of the line sounded very startled.

“I just can’t keep arguing with you about it.  I love Carla.  She’s my best friend, my ex, mother of my child.  We have a very complicated relationship.  And I totally understand that that’s too much for you so, it’s best we just leave it.”

“You’re on the phone to me in the middle of the frozen section and breaking up with me?”

“Tins, actually.”

“On the fucking phone, Lisa?”

“Would you prefer it in an email?”

Megan hung up.  Lisa took a moment to collect herself before putting her phone away and continuing the shop.

That night, she cooked dinner for herself, Carla and Betsy.  She’d been round every night since Carla had left hospital, usually bringing Betsy with her, just for the evening and the pair of them going home.  Tonight, Betsy had asked if she could stay the night and Carla had jumped at the chance to tuck her in.

“Thanks for everything you’ve done, Sauce,” Carla said, snuggled up against Lisa in front of the TV.  “Arresting Toni.  Helping put me back together.”

“What else would I have done?” Lisa wondered.

“I know but still, thank you.”

Carla yawned.

“I should leave you to rest,” Lisa said, switching the TV off.

“You don’t have to come round every night, you know.  I can manage.  I mean, when was the last time you saw Meg?”

“It’s fine.  Honestly.”

They exchanged sad smiles, hugging each other goodbye.  Carla headed to her room, leaving Lisa to let herself out.  At the door, she paused and turned back, locking up behind her.  She headed through to Carla’s bedroom, knocking softly on the door.

“Betsy?”

“It’s me,” Lisa said softly, poking her head round the door.

“I thought you’d gone home,” Carla said.

She was already in bed, exhausted, having changed into her pyjamas hours before.

“Can I stay?” Lisa asked.  “Just to… hold you?”

Carla tried not to look as thrilled as she felt.

“What about…?”
“We split up,” Lisa said.

Carla gazed at her for several moments before nodded.  She watched without shame as Lisa stripped off, grabbing a baggy t-shirt from the drawer and slipping it over her head.  She headed into the ensuite and brushed her teeth with the toothbrush Carla always kept for her.  Re-entering the bedroom, she slipped into bed beside Carla, gathering her into her arms.

Next time... Carla and Lisa have a heart to heart...

Chapter Text

1^st December 2007

“Sauce…?” Carla ventured.

She and Lisa were cuddled up on the sofa in front of the TV.  The blonde tilted her head from where she lay in Carla’s arms.

“Why do I always worry when you use that tone of voice?” she chuckled.

“Because you’re a deeply suspicious person?  Detective.”

Lisa laughed and grabbed a handful of crisps from the bowl on the table in front of them.  She fed one to Carla.

“So… what’s your question?”

“What surname are we going to give the baby?”

“Oh!” Lisa said, startled.  “I don’t know.  I hadn’t actually thought about it.  What do you think?”

Carla sighed.

“I don’t know.”

Lisa chuckled again.

“Great chat, Pickle.”

Carla snorted and stole another crisp.

“I know we said no to a Civil Partnership,” she eventually said.

“Have you change your mind?” Lisa asked.

“No.  I want to wait until we can have equal marriage.  Have you?”

“Same.

“But…” Carla ventured.  “I’d be up for changing my name by deed poll if… if you wanted the baby to be a Swain.  So… so we could all have the same name?”

She held her breath, waiting for Lisa’s answer.  Lisa sat up, studying Carla’s face.

“You’d change your name?” she asked.

Carla nodded.

“I mean, Connor is a chosen name anyway,” she reminded her.  “Not my original name.  I already changed it once to distance myself from my family.”

“Well, exactly,” Lisa said.

Carla looked confused.

“Exactly, what?”

Lisa took her partner’s hand.

“You’re attached to the Connor family, sweetheart,” she said.  “Do you really want to change it to mine?”

“I’m attached to you, DC Saucepot,” she said.  “I’ll always love the Connors and be so grateful to them for everything they did for me.  They gave me a home when I didn’t have one.  Fed me.  Clothed me.  I wouldn’t have survived without them.  But you’re my family.  My life partner.  We’re going to have a baby together.  I’m praying that the law will change so we can actually get married...”

Lisa gazed lovingly at her.

“Well, then I would love for you to be Carla Swain.  Lisa, Carla and Baby Swain,” she said affectionately.

She leant in and kissed her.

“And for the record, I can’t wait to marry you either.”

20^th April 2025

“Well done, my little sous chef,” Carla said.  “You’ve done a blinding job there.”

Betsy looked proud, as the last dish went into the oven.  She had suggested inviting everyone round to the flat for Easter Sunday dinner, offering to help her mother cook Sunday Lunch.  Carla had been a little hesitant but agreed when her daughter had begged.  It was not lost on the teenager that the closeness between her mothers had changed recently.  She wanted to find some way of bringing them back into each other’s orbit somehow, reminding them of how much they enjoyed each other’s company.  It just so happened that Becky had to work.

“I’ll get it,” Betsy said, when the buzzer went.

She headed to the door, pleased when it was her mother, early as usual.  She buzzed her up, happy to hear the sound of her familiar shoes on the stairs.

“Hi, darling,” she greeted, hugging her daughter.

The blonde locked eyes with her ex-wife.  She waved the bottles of wine she was holding.

“I got a cab.  Thought a few glasses of wine would be nice.”

She was feeling anxious about spending the afternoon together.  They hadn’t really spoken since she’d walked out on her in the pub.  She had thought about her constantly, about what could have been if Carla had given her the flowers that night, told her how she felt.  Would they have been able to talk properly?  Been honest about their feelings?  Got back together for real?  Had they lost three years of their life, their relationship because Carla had walked away?

“Oh, brilliant,” Carla said warmly.  “Betsy has cooked an amazing meal.”

“Mum!” Betsy protested.  “I chopped some veg.  You did all the cooking.”

“It was teamwork.  You were brilliant.”

Lisa smiled.  One of the things she loved most about Carla was what an amazing Mum she was.  Carla smiled right back at her.  They lost themselves for a moment.

“So, um… shall we get that wine poured?” Carla suggested.

“Can I have some?” Betsy asked.

“A small glass,” Carla agreed.

Betsy looked pleased with herself.  She took the wine from Lisa and brought it to the kitchen, where Carla poured out three glasses.

“Thanks for inviting me,” Lisa ventured, coming to perch on a stool.

She accepted the glass from Carla.

“Well, this was all Betsy’s idea,” Carla admitted.  “She thought it would be nice if we all spent Easter Sunday together.”

The buzzer sounded again.  Michelle and Steve had arrived.

Dinner had gone well.  Everyone had enjoyed their meal and Betsy had enjoyed all the praise she had received for helping cook.  Lisa had felt anxious to start with, especially when she’d found herself seated beside Carla.  But as usual, after a short time of being around her ex-wife, her anxiety had fallen away.  Being around Carla was always intoxicating.  She made her laugh too much.  They had too many familiar patterns.  She offered too much comfort, too much joy.

“Right, well, now you’ve stuffed me with dinner and pudding…” Michelle said, standing up.

“Technically you brought the pudding,” Carla reminded her.

“And too much wine,” Steve added.

“And too much wine,” Michelle agreed.

Lisa chuckled.

“I am going to have to roll myself home.”

“Come on then, you,” Steve said, also standing.

Bidding their goodbyes, the couple headed out.  Betsy finished tidying the kitchen.

“Do you mind if I just go and chill in my room for a bit?” she asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Carla said.

The teenager disappeared, eager to give her parents some time alone.

“Well, I should call a cab then, I guess,” Lisa said.

“Or we could finish the bottle?” Carla suggested, lifting the remaining bottle of wine.

Lisa hesitated and then agreed.  Carla poured the remaining bottle of liquid into their glasses and nodded to the sofa.  Lisa stood and led the way.  Anxiety gripped her again.  She had no idea how the evening was going to go.

Carla sat close beside her on the sofa.  Her proximity affected Lisa’s breathing.  She sipped her wine, jaw clenched.

“Thank you for coming today,” Carla said.  “I know I’ve upset you.  Again.  I seem to be making a habit of it.  I’m sorry.”

Lisa swallowed.

“Let’s just put it behind us,” she suggested.  “Forget the whole conversation happened.  It’s not like it matters now anyway.  We’ve both moved on.  How is Leanne, by the way?  You didn’t want to invite her?”

Carla sighed.

“Leanne was a mistake,” she told her.

“Nobody else on the horizon?  There usually is.”

“I feel like you think I hook up with people a lot more than I actually do,” Carla replied.

Lisa dared to look at her.

“I thought you were in bed with someone every night,” she said.

Carla laughed.  She sipped her wine.

“Darling, until you met Becky, I was with you pretty much every night.  Do you not remember that?”

“I remember Paula.  Leanne.  Toni.  Peta.  Peta again.  Leanne again.  Several flings in between.”

“And you, Sauce,” Carla said sincerely.  “You’ve always been the constant.  Since that first New Year.”

She leant closer.  Lisa could smell her perfume.  She was starting to feel dizzy.

“Carla…” she murmured.

“I know I messed up, darling,” Carla said softly.  “And I am so sorry.  I should have been brave.  I should have told you how I felt that Christmas.  Before that, actually.  I bottled it and I regret it so much.”

She brushed her lips gently against Lisa’s.  The blonde willed herself to move away but she couldn’t.  It was as if there was magnetic pull towards Carla, drawing them together.  She returned the pressure against Carla’s mouth, welcoming her tongue eagerly.  She wrapped her arms around her neck, pulling her closer.

Carla melted against Lisa, losing herself in their kiss.  She rested her hand on Lisa’s thigh, stroking her thumb on the inside, sending tingles through both of them.

“Wait,” Lisa eventually said, pulling away.

Disappointment flooded Carla.

“I can’t do this,” Lisa sighed.  “I’m with Becky.”

“But you love me,” Carla protested sadly.

“She gave me another chance, Pickle,” Lisa said, just as sadly.

Carla looked confused.

“I ended it with her and I came to see you.  I came to tell you I loved you and I wanted us to be together.  But then I found you with her.”

It was enough to break Carla’s heart.

“Becky took me back.  I even told her about your birthday… what happened.  She still took me back.  She knows she’s second best but she loves me anyway.  I need… I need someone I can rely on, Pickle.  Not someone who’s going to… hurt me.”

Tears formed, unbidden in Carla’s eyes.

“I won’t hurt you,” she promised.

“But you already have,” Lisa said.  “And I’ve hurt you.”

“Lisa…” Carla said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Lisa reached out and wiped them away.  She apologised.

“Sauce, I promise.  We can do this.  We can.”

Lisa leant in and kissed her again.

“I really wish we could, Pickle.  You’ve been the greatest love of my life.  I want you so much.  I need you.  But I don’t…”

“Trust me,” Carla realised.

She moved against her, burying her face against Lisa’s neck.  They held each other tightly, both in tears.

Next time... Carla throws herself into planning Lisa's birthday and back in 2023, what happened when Carla and Lisa hooked up during Lisa's breakup with Becky...?

Chapter Text

1^st May 2025

“Carla, it’s not a big birthday,” Lisa pointed out.

“I have said that to her,” Becky said.  “But she’s insisting.”

“Lisa, every birthday is a big birthday,” Carla said firmly.  “We need to celebrate your 49^th.  Come on.  Don’t be a grump.”

Lisa chuckled.  Truthfully, she was touched that Carla had roped their friends into putting on a party for her.  She also felt a little let down that Becky wasn’t interested in the slightest but then, she supposed she hadn’t exactly been kind to Becky recently.  She wasn’t even sure they were still engaged or that she still wanted to be.  She wasn’t sure she had ever wanted to be.  She was still wearing the ring but they hadn’t discussed the wedding since their temporarily breakup.

As for Carla, things had been… interesting over the last couple of weeks.  Carla had accepted Lisa turning her down and surprisingly, there had been no awkwardness between them.  Carla had been friendly, still a little flirty and absolutely devoted.  She had turned up at work with treats.  She had sent leftovers with Betsy.  Lisa hadn’t walked in on her with anyone.  And now she was planning Lisa’s birthday party.

“Oh, I think someone wants your attention, Carla,” Becky remarked.

Carla and Lisa both looked at the black haired, attractive woman sat at the bar.  She nodded towards Carla with a smile.

“I don’t know her,” Carla said dismissively.

She turned back to Lisa.

“So, Michelle said we can have The Rovers,” she said.  “I’ve been shopping with Bets for balloons and decorations and I’ve almost sorted the cake.  But do you have any specific requests?”

Lisa chuckled, half because of her enthusiasm for the party and half because it was the first time she hadn’t noticed a woman checking her out.  Maybe she was trying to be polite, not wanting to hook up with someone in front of her, especially after the Leanne debacle.

“Wow,” she said.  “What are you going to do for my 50^th?”

They both blushed, recalling what Lisa had said to her after their encounter at her 40^th.  Carla cleared her throat and sipped her drink.  Nine years ago, Carla had imagined Lisa’s 49^th and her 50^th would have been quite different.  She tried not to feel sad about it.

“Oh, well, that’s going to involve fireworks and a celebrity guest and…”

Lisa laughed.

“Oh, is it?” she said.  “Which celebrity?”

“Oh, some lesbian icon,” Carla assured her.  “I mean, Ellen’s out of work now.  Maybe I can fly her over?  Actually, isn’t she living in the Cotswolds now?  That should make it easier.”

“I would love that,” Lisa smiled.

“Consider it done.”

The two women smiled affectionately at each other, forgetting Becky was there until she cleared her throat.

“So, what can I do for the party?”

“Oh, um… yeah, you can help set up on the day?” Carla said.  “It’s going to be all hands on deck and we want Lisa to relax.  Not have to get involved in anything that isn’t 100% fun.”

“Well, I feel very lucky to have you all.”

2^nd May 2025

“Morning!”

Lisa looked round and smiled when she saw Carla had pulled into the car park just behind her.  Locking her car, she approached her ex.

“You do know you work at Underworld and not at the police station, don’t you?” she said.

Carla beamed at her.

“I know,” she said.  “I was making myself lunch for today and I made too much so…”

She offered out a lunch box.  Lisa started to open it but Carla stopped her.

“It’s just a salad,” Carla said.  “Veg.  Grains.  That dressing you like.”

“Oh, the one you make from scratch?  I love that!”

“Yeah, that one.”

“Thank you!”

“And I threw in a little treat too.  Because you’re a good girl.”

Lisa grinned, thanking her again.

“Why am I getting all these treats?”

“I told you.”

“Because I’m a good girl?”

“Well, mostly, you are!”

“Hey!”

“Because you deserve them,” Carla said sincerely.  “And because I know you’ll eat something crap for lunch because you’re rubbish at looking after yourself.”

“Yeah,” Lisa admitted with a laugh.  “I always needed you to look after me.”

“And I loved doing it,” Carla told her.  “It made me happy.”

They smiled lovingly at each other.

“So, what are your plans tonight?” Lisa asked, clearing her throat.  “Hot date?”

“No,” Carla said softly.  “No hot date.”

“Friday night and Carla Connor doesn’t have a date.  You feeling okay?”

Carla swallowed.

“I’m uh… too busy planning your birthday party, aren’t I?” she said.  “That’s way more important.  You’re way more important.”

“You’re being very cute about my birthday, Pickle,” Lisa said.

She enjoyed the way Carla blushed at the compliment.

“In fact, you’re being very cute in general.”

Carla blushed harder.

“Well, I like to make you happy, don’t I?” the brunette said.  “Try to anyway.”

Lisa reached out and squeezed her hand.

“You do make me happy, Pickle,” she assured her.  “Very much so.”

Carla smiled, squeezing her hand in return.

“I’m glad.”

At lunch time, Lisa took her lunch box out of the fridge.  She opened it up at her desk, eager to eat the food that Carla had prepared for her.  She let out a happy sigh when she found the note inside the box.

Opening it up, she read:

DS Saucepot,

I hope you’re having a good day.  Enjoy your lunch.  Hopefully it’ll be good fuel for you to catch the baddies.

Love always,

Pickle xxx

10^th May 2023

“So, is this it then?  You’re done?” Carla asked.

Lisa shrugged.  She was feeling decidedly tipsy, having spent her 47^th birthday mostly getting drunk with Carla.  They’d gone for dinner with Betsy first but having split up with Becky the day before, she hadn’t much been in the mood for celebrating.  So, having polished off a bottle of wine between them over dinner and started on the spirits when they’d got back to the flat, once Betsy was in bed, Lisa’s head had started to spin a little.  As had Carla’s.

“I mean, she was a bit stroppy, wasn’t she?”

“Hey, I know better than to slag of someone’s girlfriend the second they split up from them.  You could be back together by the morning and I’ll have told you she was moody, clingy, not good enough for you and had no sense of humour.”

Lisa stared at her, mouth open.

“For example,” Carla clarified, clearing her throat.

Lisa snorted.  She leant forward, pouring out two more Amaretto’s.  Carla failed not to look down her top.

“I can see you perving on me,” she remarked, handing the drink over.

“I’m only human, DS Saucepot,” Carla purred.

They downed their drinks.  Lisa set them both on the table.

“So, if Becky’s not good enough for me… do you think you are?”

Carla shook her head.

“I’ve never been good enough,” she said honestly.  “I’m just grateful you’ve given me the time of day all these years.”

“Well, you’re bloody good in bed,” Lisa told her, leaning closer, their mouths brushing.

“Oh, is that all it is?” Carla smiled against her lips.  “I feel so used!”

Lisa smirked back at her.

“Oh, there’s so many reasons to give you the time of day, Pickle.  So many reasons I’m addicted to you.”

She kissed her with a fierceness that took her breath away.  She pulled her close, roughly tugging at her clothes, grappling with every part of her.  Their tongues battled, moans escaping them, as Lisa pulled Carla on top of her on the sofa.

“Wait, wait,” Carla managed.

Lisa paused, looking exceptionally frustrated.

“How drunk are you?”

“Drunk enough that I’m going to need your special hangover cure in the morning.  Not so drunk that I’m not completely in control of what I’m doing and what I want.  You?”

“Same,” Carla confirmed.

Lisa kissed her hard.

“Thank you for checking,” Lisa whispered.

Carla smiled into their kiss, hurriedly undoing the buttons of Lisa’s black shirt.  She marvelled at her bra-clad body, shirt hanging open, having been denied the view for far too long.  Her mouth descended on one cup, sucking her nipple through the material.  Beneath her, Lisa moaned loudly.

“Sauce!” Carla scolded.  “Betsy is literally in the next room!”

“Oops!” Lisa giggled.  “Maybe we should go to your room…”

She sat up, pushing away from Carla and attempting to walk to be bedroom, stopping abruptly when Carla grabbed her round the waist.

“Or…” Carla mumbled, hands travelling up her torso and to her breast, lips burying themselves against her next.  “I could just take you right here…”

Lisa let out a whimper.

“What about Betsy?” she managed.

“Well, you’ll just have to be quiet, won’t you?”

“Darling, it’s impossible to be quiet when you’ve got your hands on me,” Lisa said.

Carla moved her hands round to Lisa’s back, under her shirt.  In one, swift motion, she unhooked her bra, releasing her from the confines of the material, moving it upwards, so she could indeed put her hands on her.  She continued to kiss her neck and shoulders, running her tongue along her skin, as she toyed with her nipples, enjoying the familiar weight of her breasts in each hand.

“You’re so perfect, Sauce,” she breathed.  “Nobody on this planet compares to you.  You’re the most beautiful woman in the world.”

Her left hand continued to play while her right slipped down, undoing her jeans.  She used her left hand to help ease them down Lisa’s strong thighs, which suddenly felt weak and trembly at the prospect of what was to come.  She knelt her right leg on the sofa to help keep herself upright, feeling Carla’s closeness behind her.  When Carla wasted no time in guiding her underwear down also, right in the middle of the lounge, her breath caught.  She bent, leaning both her arms on the arm of the sofa, closing her eyes.  Waiting.  Eager.

She felt Carla’s lips kiss her back, having lifted up her shirt.  She felt her hand slip down between her legs, nudging them a little further apart, stroking a delicate finger over her slippery clit.  She tried not to moan too loudly but it was difficult.  She gripped the arm of the sofa.

“So wet, Sauce,” Carla whispered in her ear, nibbling the lobe.

Lisa kept her eyes closed, relishing the way Carla was gently exploring the part of her she already knew so well, despite it having been a year and a half since they had been intimate.

“What did you expect?” Lisa half laughed.

“I mean, I’m glad I can still do it for you,” Carla said, kissing her neck, fingers still roaming, returning to her clit, teasing her.

“Pickle…” Lisa breathed.

“Hmm…?  What do you want?”

“You know what I want,” Lisa said, sounding desperate.

Without warning, Carla entered her from behind, two fingers slipping easily and deeply inside.  She wrapped her free arm around her waist, using the momentum of her hips to penetrate her.  Lisa gripped the arm of the sofa harder, breath coming out in short gasps, as Carla built her fast towards climax.  She was almost there, legs shaking, barely holding her up when Carla suddenly withdrew.

Lisa let out a small cry of protest.  She looked round, over her shoulder, eyes wide, still struggling to catch her breath.  She caught the wicked look in Carla’s eye.

“I need to taste you when you come,” was all the brunette said.

She knelt quickly, removing Lisa’s jeans and boxers the rest of the way before positioning herself so she was lying down on the couch, between Lisa’s legs.

“Pickle…” Lisa managed.

But Carla was already guiding Lisa down towards her, mouth open, tongue ready to bring her to an overwhelming orgasm.  Lisa tried not to scream, very aware of Betsy, asleep in the bedroom but the feel of Carla’s tongue circling her entrance, pushing inside her and finally, sucking on the small bundle of nerves until she felt like she might burst into flame, was all too much.  She grabbed a cushion, burying her face into it as she came into Carla’s mouth.

Beneath her, Carla felt like she might drown in the joy of getting to pleasure Lisa again, getting to touch her, taste her.  She never wanted to stop.  With her hands on Lisa’s backside, she pressed in closer, continuing to tease her in the hope of drawing out another orgasm.  She wasn’t disappointed.

Half an hour later, Carla and Lisa had made it to the bedroom.

“Oh, I have missed this,” Carla moaned.

Lisa kissed her way up Carla’s thighs, running her tongue up one and then the other.

“Mmm… me too,” she said, settling happily between her legs.

She kissed her centre almost chastely.

“You’re amazing,” she said, almost to herself, as she gazed at Carla.  “So beautiful.  So perfect.”

She kissed her again, using her tongue, to open her delicately.  Carla gripped the sheets beneath her.  Of anyone she had ever been with, nobody could compare to Lisa.  Nobody knew how to touch her like she did.  Nobody knew what she liked, what thrilled her, what could bring her to an earth shattering climax.  For all the mistakes they might have made in their relationship, their chemistry had always been unmatched.

“Oh, fuck!” she moaned, as she felt Lisa push her tongue deep inside her.  “You know I love it when you do that…”

Lisa ran her tongue through her folds and up to her swollen, throbbing clit.  She plied it with attention.  Carla writhed beneath her, her breath coming out in short gasps.  She could feel her climax building, ready to spill over, as Lisa locked onto her clit, slipping her fingers inside her.

Carla cried out, coming hard around Lisa’s fingers, against her mouth.  Lisa kissed her, guiding her through her orgasm.  When she’d settled, she kissed her way up Carla’s lean body, paying particular attention her to her erect nipples, before coming to lie in her arms, moulding their bodies together.  They kissed, urgent and possessive, tongue and teeth.

“That was amazing,” Carla breathed.

“I can still please you then,” Lisa said almost shyly.

A small smile tugged the corner of Carla’s lips.

“As if that was ever in doubt!” she remarked.

“Well, it’s the longest we’ve ever gone without… you know.”

“Oh, I know!” Carla said.  “It’s been hell!”

Lisa laughed.

“It has.  It’s not…”
“Not?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“What?”

“No.  I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Sauce…” Carla nudged.

“You’ll only get big-headed!”

“Oh, you have to tell me now!” Carla laughed, stealing a kiss.

Lisa giggled, toying absently with Carla’s right nipple.  Carla smiled to herself, enjoying her touch.

“It’s not the same with Becky,” she admitted.  “Not like it is with you.  I mean, it’s… fine.”

“Fine?” Carla exclaimed.  “You’re in a relationship with ‘fine’?!  Wow.  No wonder she’s so smug.  You get fine and she gets un-fucking-believable.  Well done her!”

Lisa laughed.  Even in the dim lighting, Carla could see she looked shy.  She found it adorable.

“I just don’t think I could have what I have with you, with anyone else,” she admitted.  “It’s powerful, isn’t it?”

Carla nodded, stroking Lisa’s hair affectionately.

“Very,” she said.

She drew Lisa in for a kiss, gentler than the ones they’d shared earlier in the evening.

“I um… I loved it earlier… taking you like that.  I know we’ve done that sort of thing loads of times before but tonight… it felt… different.  Maybe because it’s been so long.  I don’t know.  But I nearly came myself, fucking you like that.”

She felt herself becoming wet again just thinking about it, especially with the way Lisa was looking at her.

“I loved it too,” Lisa said, her voice low.  “I mean, obviously I loved it!  I’m hardly an actress!”

“I um… I have a new toy, actually…”

“Oh?” Lisa replied, her interest piqued.

“Unused, obviously.  I’ve never shared toys I used with you, with anyone else.  I’ve kept our drawer sacred.”

Lisa smiled lovingly at her for a moment.

“Even after all this time?”

“Yeah.  ‘Course.”

“Well, I would love to try your new toy, Pickle,” Lisa said.  “What is it?”

“It’s just a strap on,” Carla said, sitting up.  “Basic really.  But I’d really love to… you know.”

She gazed lovingly at the blonde who leaned in and kissed her.

“Yeah,” she said.  “I know.”

Carla beamed at her, and scooted off the bed to retrieve her new toy.

Next time... in 2023, Lisa's birthday continues and in 2025, Becky is suspicious of Carla's plans...

Chapter Text

10^th May 2023

Carla lay back on the bed, strap on attached and ready.  Lisa straddled her, applying lube they didn’t really need.  They were both wet, wanton with desire.  She leant over, kissing Carla deeply, seeking her out with her tongue.  She trailed kisses along her jaw, down her neck.  She cupped one breast, taking her nipple into her mouth.  Carla moaned, deep in the back of her throat, as the tip of Lisa’s tongue teased her.  Releasing her, she moved to her other breast, repeating the action.  She kissed her way down her body until she reached the harness, looking up at her with her big, soulful eyes.

“You ready for me?” she asked.

Carla smirked at her.

“Always,” she replied.

Lisa shifted, settling herself atop the dildo, letting it fill her.  Carla reached around her, holding onto her hips, eyes never leaving her as they found their rhythm, Lisa riding the length of her.  Carla barely blinked, barely breathed, as she watched Lisa begin to gyrate up and down, against her thrusts, letting out soft gasps.  The faster they moved the more Lisa’s full breasts began to bounce.  Carla smiled to herself.  It was her favourite sight in the whole world.  It was why Lisa knew exactly what Carla had wanted to do; have Lisa on top of her so she could see her, just like that.

Lisa moaned a little louder, enjoying the way Carla thrust her hips beneath her.  She threw her head back.  Carla’s smile widened.  She knew she was putting on a show.  She moved her hands from Lisa’s hips to her backside, grabbing hold of her.  Lisa’s hands moved to her own nipples, toying with them.  Carla let out a lewd moan, thrusting harder, the base of the dildo, pressing in just the right place for them to climax at the same time.

They both cried out, having long forgotten about the teenager next door.  Carla’s short nails dug into Lisa’s bottom.  Still with Carla inside her, Lisa fell forward, lying on top of her.

“Fuck,” she breathed.

“Fuck,” Carla agreed.

She stroked Lisa’s back.  She was hot to touch.

“What you envisioned?” Lisa asked, pressing a kiss to her collarbone.

“Always, Sauce.  Always.”

6^th May 2025

“This is nice,” Carla said brightly, sitting down to lunch in The Rovers with Lisa.

The blonde smiled back at her ex-wife.  Carla was being… different.  Attentive.  She was going out of her way to plan her birthday party, which to be fair, wasn’t out of the ordinary.  She always made an effort.  But she was showering her with attention and praise.  And Lisa hadn’t heard of her pulling anyone recently.  In fact, she’d actively ignored someone the other day.  Someone gorgeous.

“Yeah,” Lisa said.  “We should do this more often.”

Carla smiled at her.

“I’d like that.  And this on me, by the way.  Pre-birthday lunch.”

“Pickle, you don’t have to do that.  You’ve already gone all out for the party.”

“I’d like to, Sauce,” Carla said gently, touching her hand.  “Honestly.”

The two women smiled affectionately at each other.

“So, are you looking forward to it?  Your party, I mean?  I started panicking a bit last night,” Carla admitted.

“Panicking?” Lisa asked curiously.

They thanked Steve for bringing their hot pots over.

“Yeah, that maybe I was forcing the party on you and you didn’t actually want it.  I just… wanted to do something nice for you, that’s all.  But if you hate the idea, it’s cancellable.”

Lisa reached out and took Carla’s hand again, stroking her thumb gently across her palm.  Carla tried and failed to ignore the way she tingled at her touch.

“I love that you’re throwing me a party,” Lisa said firmly.  “And I’m very touched by all the effort you’re going to.  It’s lovely.  Thank you.”

Carla smiled lovingly at her.  Lisa tried not to feel affected by her expression.  She failed to tear her gaze – or her hand – away.

“Well, I just… I felt like you deserve something special,” Carla managed.  “Because that’s what you are.  Special.”

That night, Lisa arrived home to find Becky about to make dinner.  She felt immediately awkward.

“Oh, um… I’m actually not that hungry…”

Becky frowned.

“How come?”

“I had a hot pot at lunch time.  Sorry.  It wasn’t planned.”

“Don’t tell me, you had lunch with Carla,” Becky said sourly.

“Sorry, darling,” Lisa apologised.  “Like I said, it wasn’t planned.  She texted me and asked if I fancied meeting up and I didn’t have any lunch with me so I thought it might be nice.”

“It’s fine,” Becky sighed.  “I’ll just order myself a kebab or something.  Betsy’s out anyway.”

She put the vegetables she’d been about to start chopping back in the fridge.  Lisa apologised again.

“So, what’s her game then?” Becky asked, pulling out her phone to order a takeaway.

“What do you mean?”

Lisa opened the fridge and pulled out two bottles of lager.  She opened them both, offering one to Becky, who accepted.

“All this nonsense with the party.  All these lunches and breakfasts.”

“She’s just trying to be nice,” Lisa said.  “And she’s always made a fuss for my birthday.  I’ve always made a fuss about hers.  Even since we’ve been separated.  You know that.”

Becky swigged her lager and returned to her phone.

“Yeah, I’m painfully aware,” she said, rolling her eyes.  “But, no.  She’s up to something.”

“Carla is two dimensional.”

“Oh really?  That’s charming!” Becky half laughed.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Lisa said.  “I mean, she’s not manipulative.  She’s not sneaky.  She’s honest.  She’s putting on the party because she wants me to have a special birthday.  There’s no motive other than that.”

“And wanting to get you back into bed.”

“I know you don’t trust her…”

“How many times has she bedded you since we got together?” Becky asked.

Lisa swallowed.

“Twice.  And I’ve been honest with you about that.  You said we could put it behind us.”

“And I meant it.  I’m just pointing out that an honest person wouldn’t shag someone who was already in a relationship,” Becky said.

“Well, technically we weren’t together the first time,” Lisa argued.  “We’d split up.”

“For like, twenty minutes!”

“You dumped me the day before my birthday!”

“I’m just saying, I think she’s playing a game with you right now and you’re too blind to her to see it,” Becky said.

She completed her Just Eat order.  Lisa sipped her lager thoughtfully.

“Well, I guess that’s where we’re different,” she eventually said.  “You’ll always be suspicious of her and I’ll always believe in her.”

“And therein lies the problem.”

11^th May 2023

“I’d better go,” Lisa murmured.

“What?” Carla asked, groggy and confused.

She glanced at the clock.  It was barely 7am.  They’d only been asleep for a couple of hours.

“Well, we don’t want Betsy to wake up and get the wrong idea, do we?”

Carla sat up, heart slowly crushing itself, as Lisa slipped out of bed, looking around the room for her clothes.  She found her bra, caught on the edge of the wardrobe door and grabbed it, slipping it on.  Her shirt was on the floor.

“The wrong idea?” Carla asked.

“Well, yeah, she might think we’re back together,” Lisa said.

Carla felt herself begin to disintegrate.

“I mean, we could…”

“Where are my pants?”

“Um… in the lounge, I think.”

Lisa hurried out of the room, no bottoms, doing up her shirt.  She returned with her clothes.

“These are ruined, by the way,” she told Carla, slipping her boxers on.

She offered a smirk before pulling her jeans on and doing them up.  She leant over and kissed her.

“I’ll see you later?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Carla said, trying to keep control of her tears at least until asked Lisa left.

“Thanks for an amazing birthday,” Lisa said, kissing her again.  “You’re the best.”

“Bye darling,” Carla said softly, watching her leave.

Once she heard the front door click, Carla sank back against the pillows, tears escaping her closed eyes.  Sobs wracked her chest.  Opening her eyes, the first thing she saw was the rainbow coloured dildo on the bedside table.  She picked it up and threw it across the room, hurt and anger coursing through her veins.  She turned over in bed, clutching the pillow Lisa had slept on.  She sobbed.

Lisa held in her tears until her taxi dropped her off at home.  It had killed her to leave.  All she’d wanted to do was stay in Carla’s arms.  Stay for the day, even.  Perhaps, she, Carla and Betsy could have had a happy day together, as a family.  But that wasn’t reality. 

Reality was that she would do anything to get back together with Carla and Carla didn’t truly want her.  She had asked her too many times and been rejected.  Humiliated herself being told no, she was good enough for sex but not love.  Not a relationship. 

And so, this morning, she had escaped before she could see the awkward look on Carla’s face.  Before they could even start the inevitable discussion.  Even if she had broken her own heart in the process.

Next time... the party...

Chapter Text

10^th May 2025

The party was in full swing and Lisa was having a lovely time.  Carla and Betsy, with help from Michelle, Steve, Dee Dee and Becky, had gone all out to decorate The Rovers and cater it.  Carla had even persuaded her nephew, Ryan to DJ the event – and play music they’d heard of.

“This is absolutely amazing,” Lisa said.  “Thank you so much.”

She drew Carla into her arms, hugging her tightly.  Carla tensed at first but quickly melted into her embrace.  She wrapped her arms around Lisa’s waist, snuggling into her neck, breathing in the perfume she’d bought her as part of her birthday present.

“Oh, you smell divine,” she told her.

Lisa chuckled.  She kissed her cheek.

“Got some new perfume, didn’t I?” she said.  “Proper expensive stuff.”

Carla gazed at her.

“Oh?  Someone must think a lot of you to buy you that!”

“Must do!” Lisa giggled.  “So, will you save me a dance later?”

“Is that allowed?”

“Yeah,” Lisa said softly.  “Definitely.”

From the corner of the bar, Becky watched them unhappily.

20^th August 2019

It had been a long night.  Lisa had refused to leave Carla’s side.  She knew she needed to get to work.  She was determined to lead to investigation into Toni and her assault on Carla.  She wanted to be the person to charge her.  She’d wanted to be the person to arrest her but they’d already caught her and dragged her to the station and Lisa had needed to be at the hospital.  Staying by Carla’s side had been more important than justice, right at that moment.

“Hey,” Carla said softly.

Lisa smiled lovingly at her, as she woke up.

“Have you been here all night?”

“Where else would I have been?” Lisa asked, stroking the hand that she had refused to let go of.

“Sauce, you must be exhausted,” Carla protested.  “And what about Bets?  What…?”

“She’s with Dee Dee,” Lisa assured her.  “Darling, you don’t need to worry about anything, okay?  Everything’s taken care of.  We’ve even got Toni in custody already.”

Carla let out a long breath.

“But you must be so tired, sweetheart,” she eventually said.

“I’m fine,” Lisa assured her.  “I got my head down a bit.  And the most important thing here is you.”

She kissed the back of Carla’s hand.  They were interrupted by a cleaner, bearing the name badge ‘Sharon’, entering the room with a loud clatter.

“Sorry,” she said, barely meeting their gaze.

“No problem,” Carla said.

“You know, you shouldn’t be in here,” Sharon said directly to Lisa.

“Well, nobody’s had any issue with it so I think I’m okay,” Lisa said, immediately irritated.

“She’s a copper,” Carla told her, trying to be helpful.  “She keeps her own hours.”

“I mean, she’s being pretty unprofessional if she’s here for work,” Sharon said, nodding towards their joined hands.

“Well, she’s my wife as well,” Carla admitted.

“Heard she was your ex-wife but whatever,” Sharon said sourly, beginning to empty the bins.

Carla and Lisa exchanged puzzled glances.  Carla squeezed Lisa’s hand, warning her not to lose her temper over the way they were being spoken to.  Lisa nodded but she wasn’t happy.

“I swear I recognise her…” Carla whispered.

“Oh, Carla, you haven’t…?” Lisa despaired.

“No!” Carla hissed.

Sharon turned round sharply, eyes scrutinising them both.

“Is there a problem?”

Carla squeezed Lisa’s hand, knowing she was fully prepared to reel off an entire list of problems.

“No.  No problem.  Have we… met before?”

“Are you hitting on me?” Sharon asked.

Carla snorted with laughter.  Sharon looked incredibly offended.  Carla cleared her throat and apologised.

“Just… I’m not exactly in a position to hit on anyone, am I?”

“And if she was, I’d be first in the queue,” Lisa said, her voice full of sweetness.

“Thought you were exes?”

“It’s… complicated,” they said in unison.

“Always is with us lot,” Sharon stated, leaving the room.

10^th May 2025

Carla watched Lisa drift back into the party, socialising with different guests.  She sighed to herself and headed for the bar, catching Michelle’s attention.

“Look at you,” her friend teased.

“Look at me, what?”

“So desperately in love,” Michelle commented.

“Would you keep your voice down?” Carla hissed, glancing around.

“Carla, it’s not like everyone doesn’t already know!”

Carla coloured, suddenly feeling very hot.  She ordered a large glass of red wine.  And a shot of Sambuca.

“Carla, this is incredibly cute of you.”

“What is?”

“The party.  All the little lunches.  The abstention.”

Carla nearly choked on her shot.

“What are you talking about?”

“Darling, it’s been weeks since you had a hook up,” Michelle told her.  “I’ve actually had women complaining to me that you’re not available.  You’ve turned them down.  Don’t want them.  And I know it’s not because you’re seeing anyone.  It’s because of Lisa, isn’t it?  Come on…”

Carla sighed.  She sipped her wine.  Gulped it, actually.

“Okay, well, we had this talk at Easter.  After you and Steve left.  A proper, honest conversation about our feelings…”

“Finally!”

“And she… she won’t be with me because… because although she loves me, she doesn’t feel like she can trust me.  You know, not to hurt her.  Not to do the wrong thing or fuck everything up and I get that.  I do.  I have hurt her.  And she’s hurt me.  She owns that as much as anything else.  She says she doesn’t want to risk it when Becky’s…”

“Boring.”

Carla laughed.  She could always rely on Michelle.

“Reliable, I was going to say but yeah, I’m not denying that!”

The two friends grinned at each other.

“So… what?  You thought you’d throw her a party and she’d fall at your feet?”

“No.  I thought maybe I could just try and prove myself enough… little gestures.  The party.  Not hooking up with other women.  If I could show her how devoted I am to her.  How much I love her…”

“Maybe she’d love you back?”

Carla sighed.

“Is it stupid?” she asked.

“No, darling,” Michelle said, squeezing her friend’s hand.  “You know I’ve always been rooting for you two.  But… what about Becky?”

“I don’t…  I don’t think they’re as happy as all that, Chelle.  They split up the other day.  Briefly.  Lisa came to me to try again but I…”

“You were with someone, weren’t you?”

Carla nodded, hanging her head in shame.

“Ow!” she protested when her friend hit her on the head with a beermat.  “It wasn’t like I knew she was coming over!”

Michelle shook her head in despair.

“What am I going to do with you, eh?”

“I’m changing, okay?” Carla said.  “This is me, changed.  A better person.  The person Lisa needs me to be.”

14^th January 2010

It had been an incredible week, once Carla and Lisa had adjusted to being abroad, away from Betsy, who was almost two.  They hadn’t been sure about going away.  But a conversation with Lisa’s parents over Sunday lunch, had raised the subject one day and somehow, for their five year anniversary, or shortly after, they had ended up booking a week in New York.  Lisa’s parents were excited to have Betsy for the week and they were confident that she loved spending time with them.  They’d been terribly nervous about leaving her but after a couple of days of sightseeing – in the freezing cold – they’d relaxed and enjoyed themselves.  It had felt good to be Carla and Lisa, Pickle and DC Saucepot, not just two Mums.  They’d explored the city, eaten and drunk all manner of things and had sex in their hotel room as loudly as they wanted to.

“I don’t want to go home,” Lisa admitted, snuggled up next to Carla on the plane.  “I mean, I want to see Bets, obviously.  But I don’t want to go back to real life.  Everything while we’ve been away has been so perfect.”

Carla smiled happily.  She kissed the side of Lisa’s head.  The lights were dimmed for the night flight and they were tucked under a blanket, grateful that nobody was sat in the third seat.  They had the row to themselves.

“It’s definitely been perfect,” she agreed.  “And I know what you mean.  I want to see Betsy but I don’t want to go home.  I don’t want this feeling to end.”

Lisa tilted her face to capture Carla’s lips.

“I mean, we could keep it going a little longer…”

Carla gasped, as, under the blanket, Lisa’s hand slipped inside the joggers she’d put on to be more comfortable on the flight.

“Sauce!” she hissed.  “What are you doing?”

Lisa merely smirked at her, stroking her gently over her underwear.  Carla fidgeted, clutching the blanket, lest it slipped down.

“Most people use the bathroom for this kind of thing,” Carla whispered.

“When have we been most people?” Lisa whispered back.  “Mmm… I can feel you getting all hot.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Shall we see if you’re wet too?” Lisa asked.  “I feel like you might be getting wet.”

Before Carla could even speak, Lisa had pushed aside her underwear and begun exploring her folds.  She tried desperately to keep her face impassive, as Lisa circled her entrance and teased her clit.

“Sauce…” Carla managed. 

“Yes?” Lisa replied innocently.

“Oh, you are going to be in so much trouble for this DC Saucepot.  Like, seriously punished.”

Lisa offered her a wicked smile, as she slipped two fingers inside her, resting her thumb on her clit.  Carla took in a sharp intake of air, just as the Air Steward was walking past.

“Are you okay, Madam?” she asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Carla said.  “Just a bit… tired.”

“Well, we won’t be turning the lights on again until morning so hopefully you can have a nice rest,” she said kindly.

Carla nodded.  They watched her move on.  Lisa resumed her attention.

“I can’t wait for this punishment,” she purred, stealing a kiss, thrusting with her fingers, teasing with her thumb.

Carla bit down on her own knuckle as she came almost silently against Lisa’s hand, in seat 21B.

“You’re not going to know what hit you, Sauce.  The things I’m going to do to you when we get home…”

“I can’t wait!”

10^th May 2025

“I know what you’re doing,” Becky said.

Carla leant against the bar, watching Lisa laughing and dancing with Betsy and Dee Dee.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re using this party to try and get her back.”

Carla glanced at Becky.  She sipped her wine.

“I think it would take more than a birthday party,” she replied evenly.

“Baby steps though, isn’t it?” Becky said.  “You’re trying to get her back.”

“Becky, I’ve wanted her back for eight years,” Carla said honestly.  “I’ve just been too much of a muppet to try.  Until now.”

“So, you are trying?”

Carla shrugged.  She sipped more wine.

“You’re not going to get anywhere.  You already messed it up the other month.  She would have got back together with you and you messed it up.  Do you know that?”

“Yeah,” Carla sighed.  “I know that.”

“She could never trust you, Carla,” Becky said.  “Not the way she trusts me.”

Carla turned and looked directly at Lisa’s fiancée.

“And she could never love you.  Not the way she loves me.”

She finished her drink and pushed into the crowd to join her wife, daughter and friend, dancing.

“Mum!” Betsy said happily, welcoming Carla into the circle.

Carla beamed at her daughter, giving her a quick hug.

“I was starting to worry you weren’t going to get on the dancefloor,” Lisa grinned.

“Oh, as if!” Carla said.  “I’m not going to miss a dance with my favourite people, am I?”

“I hope that includes me!” Dee Dee said.

“Obviously!” Carla said, catching her hand and twirling her around.

Lisa watched, smiling, enthralled.  She was always enthralled by Carla’s easy charm with people.  She paused briefly when she saw Becky watching them from the bar.  She waved, inviting her over.  Becky frowned, shaking her head.  Lisa sighed, unsure of what to do.  Her partner was starting to annoy her.  It was her birthday and Becky had been nothing short of stroppy all day and all evening.  Everyone else was making an effort to make the evening fun but Becky’s face was constantly sour.

“I’ll be back,” she said, briefly squeezing Carla’s hand.

Carla sighed, watching her leave with Becky, disappearing into the beer garden.

“Is Mum okay?” Betsy asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure she’s fine,” Carla said.  “It’s her birthday!”

“Becky’s been a right cow the past few days,” her daughter told her.  “Even today, she’s been proper moody.”

“Has she?”

“I think she’s feeling left out.  You know, of the party.”

“I have included her,” Carla said.

She genuinely hadn’t meant to exclude her.  But Becky hadn’t seemed particularly interested in the party.  She’d just about been willing to blow up some balloons in the afternoon.  Every time Carla had tried to involve her, she’d been turned down.

“I know.  She hasn’t been bothered,” Betsy said.  “Don’t worry.  It’s not your fault.”

Outside in the beer garden, Lisa was feeling anxious and a bit annoyed.

“Is there something wrong?” she asked, not sitting down.

“I told you she was after you,” Becky said.

Lisa sighed loudly, rolling her eyes.

“This again?” she protested.  “Look, I’ve said…”

“She just admitted it to me, Lisa!” Becky snapped.  “Told me she loved you.  That you loved her.  Wanted you back.  That’s what this bloody party has been about.”

Lisa was momentarily speechless.  She swallowed.

“I doubt that’s what she meant.”

“It’s exactly what she meant.  And I know…”

She sighed, tears in her eyes.  She looked at the floor.

“I know if she told you once and for all how she felt, you’d be there like a shot,” she said quietly.

Lisa couldn’t deny it.  Something in Carla had definitely changed recently.  The pull between them had only grown stronger, harder to ignore.  If Carla declared her feelings now, Lisa knew she would struggle to resist, no matter how much she would hurt Becky by doing so.

“See?” Becky said bitterly.  “You can’t even deny it.”

“Becky, I thought you and I were on the same page.”

“What?  That I was keeping your bed warm until she was ready to jump into it?  That’s not what we agreed, Lisa.  We were meant to be together.  For keeps.”

“I know,” Lisa said sadly.  “But you did know how I feel about her.  I did tell you it wasn’t fair to be with you when I felt like that about her but you insisted…”

“Only because I thought she’d fuck you around for the rest of your lives…”

She looked at Lisa then.

“And she still will, you know.  Even if she’s making an effort now, even if you get back together, you’ll come home from work one day and find her in bed with some other woman.  She can’t keep it in her pants.”

“No,” Lisa said quietly.

Becky looked hopefully.

“She’s not like that.  She’s never been like that.  Not once did she ever cheat on me.”

“That you know of.”

“Not once.  And she never would.  She’s always been completely loyal.”

“Yeah,” Becky sighed.  “Your perfect Carla.  Never divorced her.  Never got her to change her name back.   Practically had to beg you to take your bloody wedding ring off.  You never let her go.”

Lisa closed her eyes for a moment.

“I don’t know what you expect me to say.  And I don’t know why you have to do this now.  It’s my birthday,” she said.  “And quite frankly, you’ve been a bitch for days.”

Becky looked hurt.  Lisa immediately felt guilty, although she didn’t take it back.

“Look, can we just enjoy the party?” she tried.

“No,” Becky said.  “I can’t watch her all over you like that.”

Lisa growled in frustration.

“I’ve hardly even spoken to her all night!” she snapped.

“You were just dancing with her!”

“And with Betsy and with Dee Dee!”

“I think we actually need to call it a day, Lisa,” Becky said.  “For real this time.”

“Fine,” Lisa said.  “Whatever.  I just… I’m tired of this.  I mean, how many times have you actually dumped me in three and a half years?  Or threatened to?  It’s bordering on ridiculous now.”

“And every time I do, you prove my point by running straight to her!”

“I’m not claiming to be perfect,” Lisa said sadly.  “Far from it.  But at least I own my faults.  I’ve been honest.  I’ve tried.  I don’t go for this ridiculous lesbian drama every five minutes.  We’re fifty, not fifteen.  It’s exhausting!  And if you think Carla’s trying to manipulate me… well a) you’re wrong but b) it’s only because that’s how you operate, Becky.  You try and take your love away to make me cling to you.  And then you get pissed off when it doesn’t work.  I’m done, okay.  I’d rather be alone than with someone who constantly tries to make me feel bad.  Feel free to spend the rest of the party moving your stuff out.”

Without giving her a chance to reply, she turned and headed back into the pub.  Her breath immediately caught when her eyes landed on Carla.

Next time... what has Lisa seen...?

Chapter Text

10^th May 2025

Lisa couldn’t stop smiling as she watched Carla slow dancing with Betsy in the middle of the pub.  Her heart leapt at their clutched hands and the way they were giggling together, as Carla clumsily taught their daughter the steps they’d learnt for their wedding.  Turning, Carla caught sight of her watching them.  She smiled shyly, Betsy still in her arms.  Lisa didn’t think she’d ever seen a picture more beautiful.  Carla waved her over.  As Lisa moved closer, Betsy broke away from her Mum, gesturing for her to take her place.

“Oh, um…”

Carla looked awkward.

“I don’t think Becky would like us to…”

“It’s fine,” Lisa said.  “But I don’t want to interrupt the two of you.  It was lovely watching you.”

“I don’t mind,” Betsy said, eager for her parents to spend as much time together as possible.  “She kept stepping on my feet anyway!”

“Hey!” Carla protested.  “I’m a good dancer!”

Betsy merely shrugged and wandered off.  Lisa chuckled, allowing Carla to take her into her arms.

“I’m a good dancer,” Carla said defensively.  “You made us take those lessons.”

“I know, Pickle,” Lisa said soothingly.  “You’re a very good dancer.  All kinds of dancing, if I remember rightly.”

Carla looked up at her, momentarily flustered.  Lisa smiled innocently at her, as they continued to slow dance.  Carla cleared her throat.

“So, um… where’s Becky?  Won’t she mind you dancing with me?”

“She’s… gone.”

“She went home?”

“No.  Well, yes.  But what I mean is, she’s gone.  It’s over.  We’re finished.”

Carla’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Like, for real this time?”

Her hands tightened on Lisa’s hips, holding her a little closer.  Lisa nodded.

“For real,” she confirmed.  “I don’t want to be with her.  I don’t think I ever did.  How could I when I was always in love with someone else?”

Carla closed her eyes, her forehead resting against Lisa’s.  They had long since stopped dancing.

“Please say it’s me!” she begged, making Lisa laugh softly.

“Of course it’s you, Pickle,” she said softly, stroking her face.  “For twenty years, it’s never been anyone else.”

Carla’s heart was pounding.  She dared to open her eyes, struck by the way her wife was gazing at her.

“Is this…?  Are you saying you want to make a proper go of things again?” Carla asked hopefully.

“Do you?” Lisa asked.

Carla nodded eagerly.

“Me too,” Lisa said.  “No more false starts.  No more mistakes.  No more hurting each other.  Just… me and you.  Together.  Like we should have been all along.”

“Yes, please,” Carla breathed.

She leant in, brushing her lips gently against Lisa’s who immediately melted against her.  Her arms, wrapped around her neck, pulled her in closer, kissing her more deeply.  The kiss last until they had no choice but to come up for air.  They both blushed, suddenly realising they were in public, in the middle of Lisa’s birthday party, in the middle of the pub, in front of all their family and friends.  And their daughter was present.

“Mum!  Mum!” Betsy said, rushing up to them urgently.  “Are you getting back together?”

“Oops,” Carla managed, glancing at Lisa but refusing to let her go.

“Yes, Bets,” Lisa said confidently.  “We are.  Is that… is that okay?”

Betsy beamed at them both.

“Finally!” she said dramatically.  “I’ve been longing for this for years!  Pretending I don’t know about all your hooks ups.”

Carla and Lisa both looked mortified.

“About our…?” Carla squeaked.

“Mum, your flat is only small.  The walls are thin and you’re not exactly discreet,” Betsy said bluntly.  “I haveknown about you shagging each other all these years.  What I haven’t understood is why you couldn’t just get back together if you love each other and still fancy each other.  It just never made any sense to me.  But now you are!  I’m so happy!”

They couldn’t stop beaming at how happy their daughter was, despite feeling guilty at how unhappy she must have been at them being apart.  She’d never showed it.  She’d always just got on with it.  They also couldn’t begin to process their mortification that they’d genuinely believed she had no idea about their complicated relationship all this time.

“But what about Becky?” Betsy suddenly asked.

“We’ve split up,” Lisa told her.

“Oh, phew!  I didn’t like her.”

“Really?” Lisa asked.  “You hid it so well!”

Betsy smirked at her.

“Are you going to move back in, Mum?” she asked Carla.

“Um… I mean, well, we’ve literally just kissed, Bets.  Maybe give us a bit of time to figure out the details?”

Betsy huffed impatiently at her before wandering off.  Lisa took Carla’s hand and led her over to a booth to sit down.  Seated side by side, she took Carla’s hand.

“I don’t suppose I could stay over tonight, could I?” she asked.

Carla beamed at her.

“Well, you are the birthday girl,” she said.  “You can have anything you want.”

Lisa leaned in and kissed her.

“Including the cake!” Carla remembered.  “Bloody hell.  I spent a fortune on the cake.”

She leapt up, shrieking Michelle’s name.  Lisa chuckled, sitting back in her seat, watching her wife hurtle across the pub, saying words like ‘cake’ and ‘candles’ and ‘who’s got a lighter?’

It was nearing midnight when Carla, Lisa and Betsy arrived back at the flat.  Betsy quickly left her parents to it.  It was rare that Carla felt nervous around her wife but tonight, she did.  Stood in the lounge that this time, two years ago, they’d slept together in, when Lisa and Becky had been on a break, she gazed lovingly at her.  She could hardly believe that they were actually back together.  For good.

Smiling shyly at her, she stepped forward, taking Lisa into her arms.  She kissed her softly, running her hands through her soft, blonde hair.  She was surprised when she burst into tears.

“What’s wrong, darling?” Lisa asked worriedly, cupping her face and wiping her tears away with the pads of her thumbs.

“Nothing,” Carla said dismissively.

She apologised, attempting to kiss her again.  Lisa held back.  She looked into her eyes, searching her expression.

“Pickle?” she asked.

“I just…  Are you really here?” Carla asked.

Tears immediately formed in Lisa’s eyes.  Carla laughed softly.  They snuggled up close, burying their faces into each other’s necks.

“What are we like?” she asked.

“Pathetic!” Lisa decided.

They held each other tightly.  Lisa’s wet cheeks pressing against Carla’s skin.  She felt comforted by her hands rubbing up and down her back.  Her own hands wrapped around her waist.

“I love you,” she breathed.  “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Sauce,” Carla said.  “And I’m so sorry for all the times I’ve hurt you.  I’ve been trying…”

She trailed off.  Lisa looked up at her.

“Trying?”

Carla sighed awkwardly.

“Trying to show you… that I’ve changed.  That I can be reliable.  That you can trust me.”

A small smile played on Lisa’s lips.

“The way you’ve been with me the last few weeks,” she realised.  “Since that conversation we’ve had.  You were trying to prove yourself.”

Carla’s smile faltered a little.

“I just… wanted you to know how much I care,” she explained.  “Show you that I still want to take care of you.  Make you feel special.  And that I don’t…  I don’t care about other women.  That I could wait for you.  Be by myself until the day you might be ready to love me again, trust me again.”

She swallowed.

“Becky said you were using the party to get close to me,” Lisa told her.  “We argued about it.”

Carla looked immediately stressed.

“I wasn’t!  That’s not…  I’m not…  It wasn’t about manipulation, Lisa.  I just wanted you to have a nice birthday, I swear!  I didn’t expect you to…  Oh, God, I…”

She was interrupted with a kiss.

“Oh!” Carla said, surprised.

“I know you weren’t being manipulative,” Lisa said gently.  “I told her that.  I know you, Carla.  I know your heart.  It’s not in you to be like that.”

Carla smiled lovingly at her.

“Thank you for the party,” Lisa continued.  “Thank you for all the effort you went to.  And that cake!  We’re going to be eating it for weeks!  Thank you for always wanting to make me feel loved and special, even when I don’t deserve it.”

“You always deserve it,” Carla said sincerely.

“Thank you for believing that,” Lisa told her.

“Sauce?” Carla asked.  “Can we… just… hold each other tonight?  I know I’d normally be dragging you to bed but I just…”

Lisa leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips.

“Yes please,” she said, taking her by the hand.

Having brushed their teeth and got changed into pyjamas, Lisa in a borrowed set of Carla’s, the couple climbed into bed, meeting in the middle in the comfortable way they’d been cuddling together for twenty years. Carla lay on her back while Lisa cuddled up into her side.  Their hands entwined.

“Will you move back in?” Lisa asked, thinking back to their conversation with Betsy.

“Would you like me to?” Carla asked.  “You don’t want to wait?”

Lisa shook her head, continuing to play idly with Carla’s fingers.

“I feel like we’ve already wasted so much time,” she said.  “I don’t want to lose any more moments together.  No more wake ups, sleeps, meals, evenings, weekends.  None of it.”

Carla couldn’t stop herself from smiling.

“Well, I’d best contact my landlord tomorrow,” Carla decided.  “Get myself moved back in.”

Lisa kissed her cheek.

“I was surprised you never decided to buy somewhere,” she admitted.

Carla let out of breath.

“I guess this never felt… permanent,” she said.  “I always thought if I bought a place, it would be like admitting we were over.  That I’d lost you for good.”

Lisa felt a lump ache in her throat.

“You never lost me,” she said.

“Even when you got engaged?” Carla asked.

Lisa sighed.

“I only said yes because everyone was staring at me,” she said.  “If she’d have asked me privately, it would have been a hard no.”

“Probably why she did it in public.  She knew.”

“Probably.  I am sorry though, Pickle.”

“Hey,” Carla said softly.  “We’ve both made mistakes.  We don’t need to keep apologising for everything.  Let’s make a clean break from now, okay?”

“Okay,” Lisa agreed.

She found Carla’s lips.  Carla immediately returned her kiss.  She could still hardly believe that she would now be allowed to kiss her forever.

“You make me so happy, Pickle,” Lisa said.  “I feel like the luckiest person in the whole world to be allowed to love you.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m the luckiest person in the world, DS Saucepot,” Carla replied.  “My beautiful, wonderful, amazing wife.”

11^th May 2025

Lisa woke up wrapped up in Carla’s arms.  She smiled to herself, as memories of the night before rushed back to her mind.  She snuggled back tighter into Carla’s warm embrace.  Her smile widened when Carla pressed a gentle kiss against her neck, mumbling ‘good morning’ to her in the process.

“Morning, darling,” Lisa replied.

“How did you sleep?” Carla asked.

Lisa turned around in her arms, wrapping them around the brunette, holding her close.  She kissed her lips.

“Perfectly.  You?”

Carla beamed at her, kissing her again.

“I kept waking up,” she admitted.

Lisa frowned, looking worried.

“I couldn’t stop looking at you,” Carla explained.  “All curled up and beautiful in my arms.”

Lisa blushed.  She looked down.  Carla tilted her face back up, kissing her once more.

“I am so deeply in love with you,” she said.  “Twenty years and my feelings have only got stronger.”

Lisa reached out, running her hands through Carla’s messy hair.  She pressed her thumbs to her lips.  Carla kissed them.

“So have mine,” Lisa said softly.  “Every day, every moment we’ve shared, all the good, the bad… it’s all built and built to what we have… right now.  This unbreakable love we have.  I feel so incredibly lucky.”

Carla kissed her thumbs again.  Lisa moved them away, stroking her face before pulling her in for a searing kiss.

“I know we’ve got stuff to sort out,” she said.  “Practicalities with your landlord and all that stuff but will you move back in?  Today?  Make a start on it at least?”

Carla beamed at her.

“Absolutely,” she said.  “Let’s have breakfast and start packing.”

Next time... Carla moves back in...

Chapter Text

11^th May 2025

“Guys, I’m super excited about you moving back in together but I wasn’t aware of the whole manual labour aspect of it,” Betsy complained.

“We’ve promised you pizza tonight, what more do you want?” Carla chuckled, as they loaded the last of her things, the items she felt she needed to bring the most urgently from her flat to the house, into the car.

She’d considered just an overnight bag but that didn’t feel like she was moving in.  That felt like she was just staying over and that’s not what this was.  This was moving back into her family home.  With her wife and her daughter. 

This wasn’t staying for a few weeks during Covid or crashing the night after a hook up.  Or even staying the night because something bad had happened.  This was moving back in because she and Lisa loved each other and wanted to make things work.

So, after Lisa had made them breakfast, her Shakshuka, which Carla and Betsy both loved, they had packed Carla’s most important belongings, with a view to moving the rest later, and moved them over to the house. 

Betsy had complained constantly and it was only the promise of pizza that had soothed things a little.  However, secretly, she would have forgone the pizza.  She was thrilled that her parents were back together.

“Well, I’m not taking anything upstairs,” Betsy decided when they arrived at the house.  “Don’t think I don’t know what’s going to be in one of those boxes.”

Carla and Lisa exchanged worried glances.

“Don’t think I didn’t find your sex drawer.”

“Betsy!” Lisa squawked.

Betsy shrugged.  Carla couldn’t even speak.

“Why were you rooting around in your Mum’s bedroom?”

“I needed a charger!  Why do you even have that many sex toys anyway?”

“I…  Well…”

“Yeah, Carla, why do you even have that many sex toys anyway?” Lisa teased.

“I…” Carla sputtered.

“Oh, as if you two don’t use them together!  I’ve literally heard you in the same room together with a vibrator going!”

“Betsy!” Lisa shrieked.

“I mean, it’s all coming out now!” Carla laughed, shaking her head.

Lisa looked aghast.  She just hoped their daughter would never hear the Leanne story.

“When did you hear that exactly?” she eventually demanded.

“When I was like, eleven.  It was sometime after Mum got beaten up.”

“Bets, you were eleven.  How could you even know about…?”

“I asked my friends at school!”

“At school?” Lisa shrieked.  “Oh my…!”

Carla put an arm around her wife, comforting her in her mortification.

“What the hell did you ask?” she wondered, chuckling.

“I said, what does it mean when you hear your parents – who aren’t together – making moaning noises in the bedroom, with the door closed – and also loads of buzzing noises like an electric toothbrush.  And they’re lesbians.”

“Fucking hell,” Lisa cringed.

Betsy laughed.

“So, I’m pretty confident that in here somewhere, will be a load of sex toys.  And I’m not carrying any of them upstairs to facilitate your sex life.  Okay?”

“Fair enough,” Carla said.  “I mean, you’re not wrong.”

“Carla!” Lisa gasped.  “What the hell is happening to my life?”

She hurried off to the car to retrieve one of the boxes.

1^st October 2019

“I hate this day,” Carla said sadly.

Betsy had long since gone to bed, leaving Carla and Lisa time to spend together and reflect on the loss of the first child they’d never got to see grow up.  Each year, despite having split up, they spent the day together to mark it.  It was sad.  It was special.  They hoped they would never stop the tradition.  The closeness.  No matter what was going on in their lives.

“Me too,” Lisa said.  “But I’m glad we’ve got each other.”

Carla smiled at her, feeling a little tipsy.

“We’ll always have each other, Sauce.”

Lisa, also a little tipsy, returned her smile.  She leaned in and kissed her.  Carla closed her eyes, sinking into her kiss.

“Pickle, are you sure this is okay?” Lisa whispered.  “It’s a sad day and I don’t want…”

Carla kissed her harder.

“Please?” she requested.  “You’re the only person who stops the noise in my head.”

Lisa nodded.  Carla stood, taking Lisa’s hand and leading her to the bedroom.  She kicked the door closed, eagerly beginning to undress her wife, planting kisses on every area of exposed skin.  Lisa pulled at Carla’s clothes, all of which ended up in piles on the floor.  Carla nudged Lisa onto the bed.

“I want you so much,” she breathed.

“You’ll be able to tell in about ten seconds just how much I want you!” Lisa giggled, as Carla kissed her way down her body.

Carla glanced up at her, pausing at her navel piercing.  She smirked as she toyed with it, knowing how she liked to have it played with.  Lisa threw her head back on the pillows, clutching the headboard behind her and opening her legs a little wider.  Pleased with herself, Carla kissed her way down further until she was settled happily between her thighs.  She kissed them both, taking a moment to inhale her scent.

“Oh wow,” she murmured.  “You’re soaked.”

Her tongue darted out to catch just a taste of her.  Lisa apologised for the state she was in.

“Oh no!” Carla said.  “Don’t you apologise.  I’m wet just looking at you, DS Saucepot.  I can’t wait to wind you up and let you go.”

Lisa groaned.  She knew then that she was about to endure a lot of teasing before Carla would let her climax.  She wasn’t sure she would be able to stand it.  But she was ready to try.

“First… a taste,” Carla decided.

She ran her tongue all the way through her, moaning in glorious delight at the taste of her.

“Delicious,” she said.  “Absolutely delicious.”

Lisa’s thighs fell open, as she relaxed fully on the bed, willing to give everything she had to Carla.  She smiled as Carla nuzzled against her, offering happy kisses and licks.  She swirled her tongue around her entrance, taking her time.  Teasing,  Playing.

Lisa gasped, as she pushed one, then two fingers inside her, penetrating her.

Carla kept her eyes trained on what she was doing, fully enjoying watching the way her fingers entered her.  In and out.  Then she stopped.  Removed her fingers.  Lisa whimpered.

“Are you going to tease me all night?” the blonde asked.

“Not all night,” Carla smirked.

She ran her tongue over her again.  Lisa cried out, growing more and more sensitive as time passed, as sensations built.  She watched intently, as Carla climbed off the bed and opened ‘their drawer’, retrieving a vibrator.  One of several.  She returned to the bed, lying alongside her.  She kissed her deeply, their tongues eagerly finding each other. 

Switching the vibrator on, she trailed it over Lisa’s chest, teasing it over her hardened nipples.  She scooted lower, so she lying back in line with her centre, wanting to watch, to enjoy.  She dipped it into her wetness, coating it.  She enjoyed the way the vibrations jolted her.  It was one of Lisa’s favourite sex toys.

Looking at up at her, as the pleasure she saw in her expression, she easily pushed inside.  Lisa cried out.  Carla focussed on Lisa.  On the sight of her, the sounds, the smell, the feel of her beneath her hands.  She lowered her mouth to taste her again, lapping hungrily at her clit while the vibrator continued to do its work.  She felt Lisa’s thighs clamp around her head as her climax steadily built.  She heard her cry out, despite the ‘ear muffs’ she had suddenly developed.  She worked tirelessly on her clit, turning the vibrator up a level.

Lisa came loudly around the vibrator, against Carla’s mouth, expletives falling from her lips.  Her legs relaxed, releasing Carla’s head, as she fell back against her pillows.  She was breathless, as Carla sat up, wiping her lips, carefully turning the sex toy down, gently easing it out from inside her.  She looked proud of herself.  Excited.

Lisa reached out, pulling Carla eagerly into her arms.

“My turn!” she said.  “And don’t think I’m going to behave myself!”

11^th May 2025

“The sex toys are in the drawer,” Carla said.  “Just in case you wanted to know.”

Lisa chuckled, wrapping her arms around her wife’s waist.  She pulled her in for a kiss.

“Oh, I definitely want to know,” she said.  “Sex toys in the drawer.  Pyjamas under your pillow.  Toothbrush in the pot beside mine.”

“I can’t believe Becky took all of her stuff already,” Carla remarked.

“Left her key on the side in the kitchen,” Lisa said.  “Not even a note.”

“Are you sad?”

“How could I be sad when you’re back here where you belong?”

Carla leant in and kissed her.

“Right answer!” she said.

“But I cannot believe Betsy has listened in on us having sex so many times!  I might die from embarrassment!”

She buried her face in Carla’s shoulder.  The brunette chuckled.

“I did tell you you’re loud!” she said.

“She’s talked to her mates about our sex toy drawer!” Lisa cringed.

“I know!  Bloody hilarious!”

“Not hilarious!  Pickle, she knows you’ve… you know… me!  With a vibrator!”

“I mean, it’s not the naughtiest thing we’ve ever done, let’s face it!  Imagine if she knew everything in our repertoire.  The different locations…  That time I left you tied to the bed while I read her a bedtime story…”

“Yeah, okay, we don’t need to discuss all of that with her,” Lisa said quickly.

“Settle for a nice, family pizza instead?”

“Yeah,” Lisa said, gazing lovingly into her wife’s eyes.  “Let’s do that.”

Next time... Carla and Lisa spend the night together...

Chapter Text

11^th May 2025

“Ready for bed, Sauce?” Carla asked.

The pizza boxes were in the recycling and the kitchen was all tidy.  Lisa drifted over to Carla, wrapping her arms around her and drawing her in for a kiss.

“Very ready for bed, my darling,” she said softly.

“We can…”

Carla cleared her throat.

“We can take things slowly… if… if you want,” she said.  “I don’t… I don’t want you think I’m only interested in… you know.  I… I’m here for keeps, darling.  I want you.  All of you.  Forever.  Everything.  I don’t want this to just be a bit of fun.  I want my wife.  My daughter.  My home.  My family.  All the good stuff, the boring stuff, everything.  I mean it.”

Lisa gazed at her, noticing the tears in Carla’s eyes.  She drew her closer, gently swiping at the corners of Carla’s eyes.  She kissed her nose, her lips, both her cheeks.

“I want that too,” she assured her.  “And we can go slower.  If you need to.  But I also really want to make love to you.  If you want that too.  It’s your call my darling.”

Carla looked longingly at her, still tearful.  Her heart pounded, as she tried to figure out the right thing to do.  She wanted her desperately.  And she didn’t want to hurt her by rejecting her either.  But she was also fearful of sex ruining what they were building.  It had ruined things many times before during their split.

“I love you,” she blurted out clumsily.

“I love you too, Pickle,” Lisa said.  “I love you with all my heart.”

Carla continued to gaze at her, admiring her soft, blonde hair, that she could never get tired of running her hands through, her beautiful eyes that always gave away what she was feeling and her perfect mouth.  She leant in and kissed her lips.   She closed her eyes, allowing her tongue to gently touch Lisa’s.  Lisa welcomed her, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist, pulling her in tighter.

When they broke apart, Lisa took Carla’s hand and led her upstairs to bed.

In the bedroom, Carla closed the door behind them.  It had been a long time since she had felt nervous to have sex.  Since she and Lisa had split up, it had become something far too casual for her, something meaningless.  Unless it had been with Lisa.  Then it had meant everything.  It had always meant everything.

She melted into Lisa, as they kissed, becoming pliable under her hands, as her wife began to undress her.  She was grateful to her for taking the lead.  She had imagined them getting back together a million times over the years and her being a passive participant had not been on the agenda.  She had imagined wild passion, maybe a dildo or two.  Not fragility and gentleness.  What was wrong with her?

Standing naked together in the middle of the room, she clung onto Lisa.  She kissed her shoulder, ran her fingers up and down her spine.  They swayed together, as if dancing to silence.

“Is this okay?” Lisa asked.

“It’s lovely,” Carla said.  “I’m sorry.  I’m not doing very well, am I?”

Lisa cupped her face, looking into her eyes.

“Do you actually want to do this?”

“More than anything,” Carla said sincerely.  “I’m just… scared.”

“What are you scared of, Pickle?”

“That doing it…  I’m going to make you go away.”

More tears came.  Lisa held her tight.

“Darling, I’m not going anywhere.  I promise.  Never again.”

“It’s just… we do this and then one of us says or does something wrong afterwards and then the other one of us leaves and then we’re alone again and I…  I can’t live without you, Sauce.  I can’t live without you.”

Lisa stroked her hair and kissed her cheek.

“We never ever have to live without each other again.  I promise.  Never ever.  This is it now.  Me and you.  For the rest of our lives.”

Carla looked at her with wide eyes.  She leant in and kissed her.

“Forever?”

“Forever,” Lisa confirmed.

“And if one of us makes a mistake?”

“We work through it.  Together.”

Carla hugged her tightly.  Lisa smiled as she felt her lips find her neck.  Drawing away, Carla led her to the bed.  Lying back against the pillows, she pulled Lisa close.  They lay on the bed together, legs entwined, arms wrapped round each other, kissing.

Carla’s hand drifted along Lisa’s back, over her bottom and down her leg.  She moved it round so it rested between her legs.  Lisa smiled into the kiss.

“Didn’t take you long to find your target!” she joked.

“Well, it’s familiar ground!” Carla cracked back, beginning to explore.

Lisa moaned softly into Carla’s mouth.  Her own hand settled on Carla’s right nipple, alert, excited.  She left her lips so she could take it into her mouth.  She sucked harder when Carla slipped inside her.  Carla rolled them so that Lisa was straddling her, penetrating her the entire time.  Carla’s index finger filled her completely.  She added her long, middle finger, thrusting in and out, as Lisa rode her hand.  Carla watched, fascinated at the ecstasy on her beautiful face.  She added her ring finger.  Lisa’s cries became louder, as Carla thrust in and out of her.  Carla smiled.  There truly was nothing better in the world than making love to Lisa Swain.

She felt Lisa’s walls begin to clench around her, as her climax began to build.  Carla sat forward.  She took possession of one of Lisa’s nipples, sucking hard, as she continued to bring Lisa hurtling towards climax.

“Carla,” Lisa breathed, holding tightly to her as she came.

Carla let go of her breast, she kissed her lips, feeling startled to realise she was crying.  To realise they were both crying.  Lisa hurriedly wiped her tears away with her palms, apologising.  Carla stopped her.

“Don’t apologise,” she said, not hiding her own tears.  “Unless you’re crying because you didn’t enjoy yourself.  Then lie your arse off please!”

Lisa laughed and kissed her.

“Sex with you could never be bad, Pickle.  It’s actually impossible.”

Carla beamed proudly at her, returning her kiss.

“Why are you crying then?” she wondered.

“Just… overwhelmed, I think.  That we’re actually back together.”

Carla nodded.

“Me too.  I’ve dreamed off it for so long.  Although I thought it would be different.”

Lisa frowned.

“Are you disappointed?”

“Not in the slightest!” Carla said.  “This is perfect.  I just didn’t think I was going to be such a bloody baby!  I didn’t imagine I’d be sobbing every five minutes.  I even bought a new dildo for the occasion.  You know, like, in optimism that we’d get back together one day.  I wasn’t expecting all this soppy tenderness.”

Lisa chuckled.

“Only you would buy a new dildo in preparation for us ‘one day getting back together’,” she remarked.

Carla shrugged.

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to be prepared,” she said.

“We will use it,” Lisa told her.  “Maybe tomorrow?”

Carla grinned.

“Yeah.  Maybe tomorrow.  Tonight I just… want you.”

“Yeah,” Lisa said softly.

She nudged Carla back against the mattress.  Leaning over her, she kissed her lips.  She kissed her way down to her perfect breasts, paying each one close attention.  Carla moaned with each delicate tease of her nipple.

“I’d almost forgotten how amazing you are at that,” Carla murmured.

“We only had sex in January,” Lisa reminded her.

“Yes, but it was very brief,” Carla replied.  “I didn’t really get much time to savour it.  The last proper time was two years ago.”

A happy smile played on her lips.

“Now that was good,” Carla said.

Lisa continued to straddle her.  Her wetness pressed against her tummy.  Her hands massaged her breasts, teasing her.

“Oh, that was a good night.  You made me come over and over again.  Well, you always do.”

“I wish you’d stayed that night.  I wanted you to stay,” Carla confessed.

Lisa gazed at her sadly.

“I wish I had too,” she said.  “I just thought if I left, it’d save the awkwardness in the morning.  I should have stayed.  I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Carla said.  “We said no more apologies.”

They smiled lovingly at each other.  Lisa leant down, kissing her tummy.  She shuffled further down the bed until she was settled between her thighs.  She wasted no time in running her tongue from her entrance to her clit.  Carla groaned beneath her, opening her legs wider to welcome her.

“Someone’s ready for me,” Lisa said, elated at how wet she was.

“I nearly came just from fucking you,” Carla admitted.  “Watching you come like that.  It was…  Yeah.  I enjoyed it.”

Lisa was glad Carla couldn’t see how flushed she was.  She buried her face against her, taking in the scent, texture and taste of her.  She loved that Carla took so much pleasure from pleasuring her.  She felt the same.  She was soaked all over again from getting to touch Carla, from being allowed to go down on her, especially when they were both so emotional, when they felt so connected.

She focussed on exploring every crevice, every joyful area that would create a reaction.  She teased her, toyed with her.  And when she could feel her begin to tremble beneath her, she honed in on her clit, licking and sucking relentlessly until Carla’s climax exploded in her mouth.  She drank her in, delighting in the taste of her, lapping up everything she could.

Carla lay back against the pillows, gasping for breath, as Lisa licked and kissed her.  Lisa moved back up the bed, coming to lie in her arms.  They cuddled up close, kissing lovingly.

“That was amazing,” Carla breathed.

Lisa smiled, kissing her cheek.

“I’m so happy, Carla,” she said.  “So happy.”

“And I didn’t even bring the dildo out!” Carla joked.

Lisa looked at her seriously.

“You make me happy,” she said.  “You.  Us.  Our family.  Our silly nicknames.  Our silly jokes.  And yes, the sex is fucking amazing.”

“Fucking amazing!” Carla agreed.

“But it wouldn’t mean anything if it wasn’t for…”

“Us,” Carla said softly.

Lisa nodded, becoming tearful again.  She wiped her eyes, burying her face in Carla’s shoulder.

“Ugh!  What have we turned into?”

Carla laughed heartily, making her boobs jiggle.  Lisa watched, enjoying the show.  She bent her head and kissed one nipple.  Carla smiled to herself.

“I don’t know what we’ve turned into,” she said.  “But I’m happy.  I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life.”

Next time... in 2005, Carla moves in with Lisa and in present day, Lisa has a confession...

Chapter Text

12^th May 2025

Lisa was disappointed when she woke up by herself on Monday morning.  For one confusing moment, she panicked that everything had been some kind of crazy dream.  But then she saw Carla’s water glass on the bedside table.  She sat up in bed, stretching.  The duvet slipped, reminding her that she had slept with no clothes on, after a lovely night with her wife.  She was just about to slip out of bed when the door opened.  Carla stood in her dressing gown, holding a tray.

“Hey!” Carla protested, when she saw that Lisa was halfway out of bed.  “I was bringing you breakfast in bed.”

Lisa beamed at her, lying back down.  Carla brought the tray in.  On it were two poached eggs on toast with cherry tomatoes and avocado.  She had a coffee, some apple juice and a flower in a vase.

“This is lovely,” Lisa cooed.  “And I love that you did the same thing you did…”

She trailed off as Carla climbed into bed beside her.  She caught Carla’s eye, as the brunette smiled shyly at her.

“Obviously, the toast would have been muffins but someone doesn’t have a good food stock,” Carla grumbled.  “I was very impressed to find the avocado.”

Lisa chuckled.

“Well, the kitchen will be transformed now you’re back!”

“Oh, it will!” Carla said.  “Prepare to eat like a Queen again!”

“I can’t wait!” Lisa said honestly.  “In the kitchen and the bedroom.”

Carla blushed when she realised what her wife meant.

“DS Saucepot, you are absolutely filthy!”

“Would you want me any other way?”

Carla leant in and kissed her.

“Nope.  Now, eat up.  And I mean the breakfast.  You had plenty of me last night!”

“Oh, I can never have enough of you, Pickle,” Lisa said.  “But I am bloody starving and this looks amazing.  Share it with me?”

14^th September 2005

Lisa was confused to wake up alone.  Yesterday had been a very long day, moving boxes and all sorts, as Carla had moved into her house.  Their friends had all been a little dubious, pointing out th`at they had only been together for eight months.  They had both insisted that they knew they loved each other and wanted to be together forever.  As far as they were both concerned, this was it for them.  They never spent a night apart anyway.  Lisa always stayed with Carla or Carla with Lisa, so what was the point in paying for two places anymore?  And so, last night, they had spent their first night together as a proper couple who lived together.

And what a night it had been! 

Once they’d recovered from lugging boxes, they’d showered (together) and changed into more comfortable clothes.  They’d had dinner.  Then Carla had taken Lisa to bed.

This morning, Lisa’s body was still tingling with the memory of everything she and Carla had got up to the night before.  It had settled on her like fairy dust.  Her clit was throbbing; her hands wouldn’t stay still; she was trembling. 

She’d never been with anyone who made her feel like Carla did.  Her ex had been… fine.  Acceptable.  And so had her exes before that.  But the truth was, she had never had an actual orgasm until she’d met Carla.  She’d thought she had.  Assumed she had.  Then she’d slept with Carla on New Year’s Eve and she had blown her mind.  The way she’d made her feel had been like nothing she’d ever experienced before in her life.  Nothing her body had ever been through before had ever been so pleasurable, ever been so intense.

She hadn’t told Carla that.  She thought that one of the things Carla liked most about her was her sexual experience, her creativity, her ability.  She didn’t want to blow it all by admitting that although she’d provided plenty, she’d never had an orgasm until she’d met her.  She didn’t want to risk disappointing her.  Or worse still, being laughed at.  Because although they loved each other, although they were committed, their friends were right – their relationship was still very new.

Lisa lay back against the bed, closing her eyes and thinking about the night before.  The way that Carla had commanded the situation.  She had proudly presented her with a house warming gift – a new strap on!  Of course she had!  Lisa had giggled like a school girl, eager to try it out that night.  She’d thought Carla looked exceptionally hot, wearing it proudly, making sure the base was pressed against her clit.  She’d loved applying the lube.  Loved Carla penetrating her with it until they both came, Carla collapsing on top of her.

“Morning!” Carla said, entering the bedroom.

She’d not bothered to put any clothes on.  Lisa’s eyes raked over her body.  They finally settled on the tray she was carrying.

“I wanted to make you breakfast in bed,” Carla said.  “Only problem is I’m not great in the kitchen.  Sorry.  Comes from growing up scrapping around for food and that.  So, I only managed jam on toast, coffee and apple juice.  Bit rubbish but I did try.”

Lisa gazed lovingly at her.

“It’s perfect.  And I love the flower in the vase.”

Carla beamed at her.  She loved that Lisa accepted her for everything she was.  Encouraged her to always be everything she could be.

“Share my toast?” Lisa asked.

“Oh, no it’s yours…”

Lisa put a slice into her mouth so she couldn’t argue, making her laugh.  She thanked her with her mouth full, cuddling up close.

“How are you this morning?” Lisa asked.

“Happy,” Carla said without hesitation.  “How are you?”

“Happy,” Lisa said.  “Little bit… horny?”

Carla stared at her for a moment.  Lisa held her gaze.

“Really?” Carla eventually said.

Lisa nodded.

“I can feel my whole body.  It’s aching for you.”

Carla leant in closer, kissing Lisa’s neck.  Lisa moaned , closing her eyes, gripping her tray.

“My clit is vibrating,” she told her.

“Can I have some of your juice?” Carla asked.

“Of course!” Lisa said, thrown by the sudden change of subject.

Carla sipped some and then moved the tray onto the bedside table.

Lisa watched her every move.

“Just needed a quick drink before I relieved you of some pressure,” Carla explained.

“Oh!” Lisa giggled.

She lay back eagerly on the pillows.  Carla pulled the duvet down.  She kissed her way down until she was settled between Lisa’s legs.

“Oh… you are horny,” she remarked, taking in how wet she was.  “Am I going to get this every morning because if so, I am so glad I moved in!”

Lisa could only laugh, as Carla applied delicate, gentle kisses to her centre.  She closed her eyes, as Carla began to explore her.  She held onto her thighs, only offering the lightest kisses and licks, making her increasingly wet with anticipation.  She circled her entrance but didn’t push inside.  She ran her tongue through her lips and toyed with her clit.

“Pickle…” Lisa managed.

Carla kissed her gently.  She ran her tongue back up to her clit again, plying it with all her attention.  She heard Lisa’s breathing change, felt her thighs tense as her orgasm began to build.  She came in a series of unintelligible words.  Carla remained between her legs, offering her all her attention and love.

12^th May 2025

“Did I ever tell you, you gave me my first orgasm?” Lisa asked.

Carla paused brushing her hair in front of the mirror at the dresser.  They had both taken the day off, wanting to enjoy being together.  It was lunch time and apart from seeing Betsy off to college, they’d not made it out of bed until now.

“Sorry?”

Lisa, stood, doing her jeans up, merely smiled at her.

“You heard.”

Carla put the brush down and turned around.

“You had your first orgasm?  With me?” she asked.

Lisa nodded.  She stepped forward to grab a pair of earrings from the dresser.

“Lisa, you literally fucked me against my door.  How could you have never had an orgasm before?”

“I didn’t say I’d never had sex before.  I said I’d never had an orgasm before.  I thought I had.  Then I had sex with you and I realised I hadn’t.  You taught me what sex should really be like.  How good it should be.”

She smiled affectionately at her wife, at her bemused but rather proud face.

“You um… you once told me that it wasn’t the same… like, as good with… with Becky…” she dared.

“It wasn’t.  I never had an orgasm with her.  Or with Meg.  Evidently I can only come with you. Congratulations,” she smirked.

Carla looked overwhelmed.  And rather proud.  Lisa chuckled.

“I’d um… had one before but… not after.”

Lisa halted on her way to the door.

“Sorry?”

“An orgasm.”

“Yeah, I know what you’re talking about but… what do you mean, not after?”

“After we split,” Carla said.  “The only ones I had were with you.  I couldn’t.  With anyone else.  Only with you.  Or you know, by myself when I was thinking about you.”

“None of the people you dated?  I mean, what was the point?” Lisa wondered.

“Filling the void, I guess,” Carla said.  “I missed you.”

Lisa crossed the room and hugged her.  She kissed the top of her head.  Carla wrapped her arms around her waist.

“Why did you wait twenty years to tell me about that?” Carla wondered.

“I don’t know,” Lisa admitted.  “I didn’t tell you at the time because I was worried you’d laugh at me.”

Carla gazed up at her.
“As if I’d laugh at you!”

“Well, you thought I was sexually experienced, like you.  It impressed you so much when I just… took you the way I did at New Year’s.”

“It really impressed me,” Carla said, thinking back to that amazing night.

“So I thought, if I confessed about the orgasm thing, you’d be… less impressed.”

“No, darling,” Carla said softly.  “Not at all.  I mean, if you think about it, it’s a massive compliment.”

Lisa bent down and captured her lips.

“It is,” she said.  “You’re the only woman who has ever seen me truly unravel.  Your fingers, your lips.  You’re the only one who has ever done that to me, Pickle.  Only you.”

“You’re making me want to do that to you again,” Carla admitted.

“You will,” Lisa promised.  Later.”

Next tine... Lisa has a question for Carla and in 2013 - the proposal....

Chapter Text

10^th June 2025

Lisa was nervous, as she waited for Carla to arrive at the restaurant they had booked to mark one month of being back together.  Carla had a late meeting so had to come straight from the factory.  Lisa had just about managed to get home and changed before getting a cab into town.  She’d bought flowers and chocolates and was nervously waiting at the table.  She stood up when Carla arrived, beaming at her.

“Hi, darling!” Carla said happily, drawing Lisa into her arms and kissing her.  “Am I late?”
“No!  I’m early!”

They kissed again, sitting down opposite each other. 

“Oh, these are for you,” Lisa said, offering her the flowers and the chocolates.

“Oh, Sauce, they’re lovely.  You’re so sweet.  Thank you.”

“Well, I figured it was a special day.”

Carla made a fuss of smelling the flowers, admiring them.  She examined the chocolates, knowing full well they would be her favourites.  Then she dug into her handbag and presented Lisa with her favourite chocolates and a cute teddy bear.  She loved the look of utter delight on Lisa’s face and that she had put it there.

“You’re the actual cutest, do you know that?” Lisa said.

Carla beamed at her.  Lisa put the chocolates with the other chocolates and flowers.  She sat the teddy on the seat next to her.

“Well, like you say,” she said.  “It’s a special day.”

“Red?” Lisa offered, picking up the bottle she had ordered for them.

Carla nodded, unable to stop smiling at her wife.  Lisa smiled back at her.  She poured out two glasses.  She lifted one.  Carla lifted the other.

“To us,” Lisa said.

“To us,” Carla agreed.

They clinked their glasses together and sipped.

“Are you okay?” Carla asked.  “You seem… preoccupied.”

The couple had eaten starters and mains and were debating dessert.  They were on their second bottle of wine.

“Me?  I’m fine,” Lisa said.

Carla eyed her curiously. 

“Are you sure?  It feels like you have something on your mind…  Is there something wrong?”

“No,” Lisa said, putting her wine glass down.  “There’s actually nothing wrong at all.  I’m…  I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.”

She gazed at Carla, who gazed right back at her.

“I love you so much, Carla,” Lisa continued.

Carla was startled by the rare use of her name.  It was always Pickle.  Unless they were in public or she was deadly serious about something.

“You’re my whole world.  You and Betsy.  You’re everything.  And I’m so overwhelmingly happy that we’re back together.  This past month has been… a dream.  It finally feels like the world is spinning correctly on its axis again.  And that’s all because of you.  You made it happen.”

“Darling…” Carla said softly.

She watched as Lisa stood up.  She could see her trembling, as she dug her hand into her pocket.  Her eyes widened, as she knelt down, onto one knee.

“Pickle, would you renew our vows?”

Carla gazed at Lisa and at the beautiful ring in the box in her hands.

“Of course I will!” she said.

Lisa stood up.  So did Carla.  They fell into each other’s arms, as the restaurant broke into applause.

“Darling, you didn’t need to buy me a ring!” Carla told her.

“I wanted to,” Lisa said, holding her tight.

They kissed.  Drawing away, Lisa slipped the ring onto Carla’s finger, upon which she already wore an engagement and wedding ring.  In all the years they’d been apart, she had never taken them off.  Lisa had reluctantly removed hers when she’d started dating Becky.  It had broken both hers and Carla’s hearts to see her finger bare.  She had put her rings back on as soon as she’d got home, the day after her birthday.

“Some bubbles,” the waiter said, approaching their table.  “On the house.  For your celebration.”

They both thanked him, accepting the glasses, as Lisa moved to sit beside Carla instead of opposite.

“So, when are you thinking of making an honest woman of me?” Carla teased, sitting down.

Lisa nudged her along the booth so she could sit beside her.

“On our anniversary?” Lisa suggested.  “Make New Year extra special this year?”

“Six months to organise a wedding?” Carla gasped.  “You’re ambitious!”

“Up to the challenge?” Lisa grinned.

“Oh, I am always up to the challenge!  You know that!”

Lisa giggled.  She leant in and kissed her.

“I was so nervous about asking you,” she admitted.

“Why?  Did you think I was going to say no?” Carla teased.

Lisa shrugged, feeling shy.

“I don’t know.  Maybe you thought it was a bit soon.”

“Lisa Swain, I have loved you every single moment of every single day for more than twenty years,” Carla told her.  “You are my soulmate.  The love of my life.  Marrying you again… it’s an absolute dream come true.”

She leant in and kissed her.

“See, this is why you should always be the one who proposes,” Lisa whispered against her lips.  “You’re better with words.”

Lisa pushed Carla up against the bedroom door, kissing her hard.  Her hands found the hem of her top, pulling it up and over her head.  She took a moment to admire her before moving closer again, kissing her cleavage and cupping her breasts over her bra.  She moved lower, running her tongue down her toned abdomen until she was knelt directly in front of her.

She pulled her leggings and underwear down in one go, lifting one leg and then the other in order to pull them off completely.  Breathing hard in anticipating, Carla leant back against the door, legs parted and eager.

Lisa moved in closer so she was sat between Carla’s legs, looking up at her centre, open and inviting.  She licked her lips, moving closer to kiss her, running her tongue over her and smiling at the sound of Carla’s moan.

“You’re so amazing, Pickle,” Lisa told her.

“You’re amazing,” Carla told her.  “I’ll never forget the way you took me like this that first night.”

“I loved it,” Lisa murmured, burying her face against Carla.

They both let out moans of pleasure as Carla’s orgasm built up deliciously slowly.  Lisa knew how to pace, to take her time, to keep her on the edge and then, out of nowhere, tip her over.  Carla’s hands found their way into Lisa’s blonde hair.  She gripped a little too tightly, pressing herself back against the door, panting, as her legs struggled to hold her up.  She closed her eyes, giving in to all the delicious pleasure Lisa’s mouth was offering.

It was when Lisa’s tongue encircled her clit that she was done for.  Her nerves fizzed.  She cried out loudly, coming long and hard against Lisa’s mouth.  Lisa remained between her thighs, eagerly lapping and kissing, letting out small cries of pleasure of her own.

When Carla’s body had stopped trembling, Lisa moved back.  She wiped her mouth, gazing up at Carla, who was still pressed against the door, gasping for breath.  Lisa’s heart swelled at the sight before her.  She looked so incredibly beautiful.

She moved back up Carla’s body, kissing her until she reached her lips.  They kissed deeply.

“Hi,” Lisa said, gazing into her wife’s eyes.

“Hi,” Carla breathed.

Lisa kissed her again.  She moved lower, kissing her cleavage again.  She reached behind her, unhooking her bra.  She let it drop to the floor, standing back to admire her.  Dark hair cascading over her shoulders, breasts heaving with her breath, toned tummy and thighs, core glistening with sex.

“You are actually perfect,” Lisa said.

A shy smile appeared on Carla’s face.  It almost didn’t belong, given the situation.  But it endeared her to Lisa more than ever.  She moved closer again, bending to kiss her breasts, gently taking one nipple and then the other into her mouth.  She held both breasts in her hands, teasing the peaks with her thumbs, as she gazed lovingly into Carla’s eyes.

“Yeah,” she said softly.  “Absolutely perfect.”

20^th July 2013

“This is nice,” Lisa said, as she, Carla and Betsy walked through the park to have a picnic.

It was a bright, sunny day and Carla had spent the whole evening the night before making all kind of delicious treats, with five year old Betsy as sous chef (and more of a hindrance).

Carla beamed at her, squeezing her hand.

“I’m glad you approve,” she said.  “And glad you didn’t get called into work!”

“Oh, well, I would have had to say no, after all the effort you’ve gone to!” Lisa said.  “I’d have to have claimed some kind of family emergency and hope I didn’t get caught.  You were up till nearly midnight getting all this done.  How come?  Sh… sugar!”

Carla smirked at her, as Lisa glanced guiltily at Betsy, who remained oblivious to her almost-swear.

“I haven’t missed an anniversary or something, have I?”

“No, darling,” Carla assured her.  “I just thought it’d be nice to have a day out, that’s all.”

“I’ve been working a lot lately, haven’t I?”

“You have.  But I understand.  They’ve been talking about making you DS.  You need to impress.  You bloody deserve a promotion.  How hard you work.  How good you are at your job.  You should be DI already!”

Lisa chuckled.  Carla’s faith in her was a special thing.  It helped propel her forward.

The Swain Family had had a lovely afternoon.  They’d all enjoyed Carla’s food.  Betsy had enjoyed running around, during which time, Carla and Lisa had enjoyed a cuddle.

“Mummy?” Betsy said urgently, tapping Carla’s shoulder.

“Oh, do we need to find the loo?” Lisa asked tiredly.

She had eaten far too much and was feeling very much like the lazy parent.

“Bets?” Carla asked.

Their daughter shook her head, still looking urgent.

“Oh, right!” Carla said, although she’d known exactly what Betsy wanted right from the start.

“What’s going on?” Lisa asked curiously.

“We um… we wanted to ask you something, didn’t we Betsy?”

Lisa was confused.

“I know I’ve filled you with food but could you stand up, just for a few moments?” Carla asked.

She also stood, helping a reluctant and confused Lisa to her feet.

“Ready, Bets?  Like we practised.”

Lisa’s eyes widened, as Carla knelt on one knee.  Beside her, Betsy mirrored her position.  Carla then pulled a ring box out of her pocket.

“Lisa Swain,” Carla said.  “We always said we’d wait until it was legal for us to get married and now it is.  Well, it’s going to be.  I love you more than life itself.  You, me, our baby girl…”

She put her arm around Betsy, who was beaming at them, balancing on one knee, clearly delighted to be part of the proposal.

“... so… will you marry me?”

“Us!” Betsy protested indignantly.

“Sorry.  Us!”

Lisa chuckled.

“It would be my honour,” she said.

She knelt down, gathering both Carla and Betsy into a hug.  She kissed Carla.

“I love you, Pickle.”

“I love you, DC Saucepot.  And I can’t wait to marry you.”

Next time... Lisa frets about work and... The Return of Sharon...

Chapter Text

21^st August 2019

Lisa frowned at Sharon the cleaner, who always seemed to be in Carla’s room.  Sharon glared at her and left.  Shaking her head, Lisa offered Carla a broad smile and approached the bed.  Her heart ached for how broken she looked.  And how brave.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“I’m fine,” Carla said.  “Honestly, darling.  Don’t you have better things to do than sit by my bedside?”

“Oh, I’ve already been into work and charged Toni, don’t you worry.  It was most satisfying.”

Carla sat up.  Then winced.  Lisa reached out, soothing her gently.

“You charged her?”

“Yes, darling,” Lisa said.  “Charged.  No bail.”

Carla sank back against the bed and closed her eyes.

“Thank you,” she said almost inaudibly.

She opened her eyes and looked at Lisa.

“I thought you were looking a bit hot and DS’y for just a hospital visit,” she added.

Lisa laughed.

“Even battered in a hospital bed, you can still flirt with me,” she said.  “I’m impressed.”

“Darling, I’ll be flirting with you on my deathbed!  Don’t you worry about that!”

Lisa chuckled.

“You will as well!”

Carla beamed at her, gazing into her eyes.

“I will.  My last words will be something terribly romantic like, Sauce, do you think I’ve got enough time left for a quick bunk up?”

Lisa howled with laughter.

“And you’ll expected me to slip my hands under your blankets!”

“I mean, if you’re offering…!”

“Pickle!  Behave yourself!  Anyway, Sharon will be barging in any minute, I’m sure.”

“I wasn’t going to invite her to join in!” Carla said, pulling a face.  “Oh, I remembered where we know her from, by the way.”

Lisa eyed her quizzically.

“The maternity ward.”

“Oh!  Shit, you’re right.  What’s she doing here?”

“Well, I became DS Pickle…”

“Really?  You went straight from a civilian to DS overnight?  Aren’t you clever?” Lisa teased.

“I learnt from the best,” Carla said proudly.

Lisa giggled, taking her wife’s hand, stroking it gently.  It was one of the only non-broken parts of her.

“So… DS Pickle…” she nudged.

“Oh!  Right.  Well, I did some investigating and she was moved from the maternity ward for being ‘inappropriate with patients’.”

“What, like she was with us, you mean?” Lisa asked.  “Why didn’t they just sack her?”

“They were going to but she kicked up a fuss so they moved her instead.  She’s mostly been behaving herself here, not causing too much of a problem, although a few patients have still complained about her being… odd.”

Lisa shook her head.  She kissed Carla’s hand.

“I was very glad to get away from her when we brought Betsy home,” Lisa said.  “She barely left us alone.  I can’t believe we didn’t recognise her straight away.”

“I mean, it was eleven years ago,” Carla pointed out.

“Well, very good investigation work, DS Pickle.  I’m proud of you.”

Carla grinned.

“I mean, if you want to show me how proud you are…”

“Carla Swain, you are in hospital, most of your bones are broken, you have a head injury…”

“Alright, alright!” Carla sighed.

She even threw in a pout.  Lisa leant over and kissed her.

“Maybe when you’re feeling better and full healed,” she offered.  “Maybe.”

Carla looked immediately more cheerful.

11^th June 2025

“Where’s Mum?” Betsy asked, finding Lisa stretched out on the sofa.  “I thought the two of you would be inseparable all weekend after your proposal yesterday!”

Lisa chuckled.

“She’s gone shopping,” she said.  “She said she wanted to make her lasagne for dinner and we didn’t have everything in that we needed.  Then she started rummaging and complaining that the cupboards still aren’t properly stocked yet so she made a list and went off muttering about needing a proper kitchen and not being able to work in these conditions!”

Betsy laughed, throwing herself down on the sofa next to Lisa.

“I cannot believe the ring you bought her.  It must have cost you a fortune.”

Lisa shrugged a little shyly.

“Well, she deserves the best, doesn’t she?” she said, fiddling with her own engagement ring, now securely back on her finger.

“Thank you for letting me help you pick it out,” Betsy said, nudging her shoulder.

Lisa beamed at her.

“Well, you were a massive part of our original engagement, Bets,” she said.  “I still remember how cute you were, getting on one knee with your Mum at that picnic.”

Betsy buried her face in her hands, begging her not to embarrass her.  Lisa pulled her hands away.

“It’s not embarrassing!  It’s adorable!”

“Mum, I’m seventeen!  It’s not adorable!”

“Which is why I didn’t ask you to propose to your Mum this time!  But when you were a tot, it was adorable!  And it’ll always be adorable.  We’ll be talking about it at important occasions for the rest of your life – big birthdays, your wedding, you name it – so you might just want to get used to it.”

“Great.  Cringe-fest ahead!”

Lisa chuckled.

“And I won’t apologise,” she said.

They looked up when Carla burst through the front door, looked flustered.

“Hi!” the brunette said, somewhat breathlessly.  “Town was a nightmare!”

“I thought you were going to Sainsbury’s?” Lisa said.

“I did.  But I got distracted.  Bets, help me bring the shopping in?”

“Why can’t she help you?” the teenager protested.

Carla merely raised an eyebrow.  It was stern enough to make the teenager jump off the sofa and shove her Sliders on.  Lisa watched them leave through the front door, chattering away on route to the car.  Her heart soared at the domesticity of her wife coming home with the shopping.  Of bringing it in with the daughter.  Of looking forward to making dinner and eating together.  Their house hadn’t felt like home since Carla had been gone.  Becky had never been able to fill the void, no matter how hard she’d tried.  Carla had etched her place in Lisa’s heart more than twenty years ago and that was that.

“Can I do anything to help?” Lisa asked, approaching Carla, as she busied herself, cooking dinner in the kitchen.

“No, no, I’m good,” Carla said.

Stereophonics played on Alexa, one of their favourite bands.  They’d gone to see them in concert together during the first year of their relationship.

“I feel bad,” Lisa said.  “I’ve had a really lazy day and you’ve been out half the day and now you’re cooking.”

Carla kissed her cheek.

“I don’t mind.  Plus, you did offer to come shopping with me.  I wanted you to chill.  You’ve got that big meeting tomorrow at work.”

“Yeah,” Lisa frowned.  “I’m a bit nervous.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know what it’s about,” Lisa said.  “My boss just booked it into my calendar.  No explanation or anything.  Do you think I’m in trouble or something?”

She watched Carla work with practised ease in the kitchen.  She still marvelled at this woman who, when she’d met her, could barely manage jam on toast.

“Why would you be in trouble?” Carla asked.  “You’ve not done anything wrong, have you?”

Lisa shook her head.

“You know me.  I’m a stickler for the rules.”

Carla smiled at her.

“At work anyway,” Lisa added with a smirk.

Carla laughed.

“Oh, definitely not in certain situations!” she agreed.  “Not on aeroplanes.  Ginnels.  Pub toilets.”

“Alright!” Lisa interrupted.  “We don’t need a list!  And it’s not my fault I can’t keep my hands… or my mouth… off you.”

Carla stopped, wrapping her arms around her and pulled her in for a kiss.

“I never want you to,” she said, gazing into her eyes.

They kissed again.  Carla reluctantly let her go and returned to her cooking.

“So, back to work…” the brunette coaxed.

“Right.  Work.  Yeah, I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong,” Lisa said.  “Although, there is this new bloke who’s started.  Transferred in a couple of months ago.  A DC.  An absolute fucking giant.  Literally.  He must be more than six foot tall!”

“Oh, I bet that’s fun for you, Tiny.  You must get neck ache!”

Lisa punched her playfully on the arm.

“Although, to be fair, you probably get neck ache looking at most people.”

“Oi!” Lisa protested.

Carla grinned.

“But regardless of his height, he’s an absolute prick.  Really obnoxious.  Always on the wind up.  And not like ‘office bants’; I mean, just being a prick.  And ruthlessly ambitious.”

“So, what?  You think he might have shit stirred something?  Got you into some kind of trouble?” Carla asked.

Lisa shrugged.

“Maybe,” she said unhappily.  “I mean, I don’t know what.  Honestly, I haven’t done anything that I can think of.  But he really sets my teeth on edge.  There’s something about him.  The kind of person who always lands on his feet.”

“Maybe because he’s so tall?”

“You’re not funny.”

1^st April 2008

“Are you okay?” Carla checked, once Lisa was settled back into bed.

The blonde nodded, although she felt very tearful.  She clung on tightly to Carla’s hand, pulling her closer.  Carla leant in, kissing her.  Their tears mingled, hands entwined.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Carla whispered.

Lisa nodded, closing her eyes.  They had just been to see baby Betsy, who was still in an incubator.  She was tiny but strong and the hope was that she wouldn’t have to stay separated from their too long.  Lisa was frustrated that she was stuck in her own hospital bed and couldn’t freely sit by her daughter’s bedside.  Carla was flitting between Lisa and Betsy.  Lisa was worried about how tired she looked but Carla insisted she was fine.

“Just like her Mum,” Carla added.

She saw the gentle blush in her partner’s cheeks.  She kissed each one.

“I am so proud of you, Sauce.  I feel so lucky to be with you.  To be a Mum with you.”

Lisa kissed her, wrapping her arms around her neck.

“I’m definitely the lucky one, Pickle,” she said.  “I love you so much.”

They drew apart as the cleaner, Sharon entered the room yet again.  She’d been in and out constantly since Lisa had been admitted.  They were starting to get sick of her, especially as she seemed to spend more time interrogating them than she did actually cleaning.

“Sorry,” she said, not sounding very sorry at all.  “How’s Baby Betsy?”

“She’s fine, thanks.  We’ve just been to see her,” Carla said.

Lisa smiled at how thrilled Carla looked and sounded just talking about their baby girl.

“I still don’t like the name.  It’s old fashioned.  It’s not too late to change it.”

Lisa tensed so much that Carla winced, wondering if she might need to ask for an x-ray of her hand.  Lisa mouthed ‘sorry’ when she realised and gently rubbed the hand she’d squeezed far too hard.

“We like the name, thank you,” Carla said tightly.  “Lisa’s Mum is called Elizabeth.”

“Why is she named after her Mum and not yours?”

“Because my Mum was an addict who completely neglected me,” Carla said bluntly.  “Anything else you want to know?”

Sharon stared at her for a moment.  Lisa bit her lip.  She loved Carla’s ability to shock people into silence.  She didn’t get to see it nearly enough.

“Why do you have the same surname if you’re not married?” Sharon eventually asked.

“Sorry, what have our lives actually got to do with you?” Lisa asked, finally losing her temper.

“I was just being friendly.”

“Were you though?”

Sharon glared at her.

“I don’t like you.”

“Well, that’s not very friendly, is it?” Carla remarked.

“I like you,” Sharon told her.  “I think you deserve better than her.  She’s bad tempered.”

Carla snorted with laughter.

“Right.  Okay.  Sure.  Thanks.”

Sharon glared at them both and left.

“Am I bad tempered?” Lisa asked worriedly.

“Only if you’re an inappropriate member of staff,” Carla said.  “Otherwise, you’re perfect.”

“You promise?” Lisa asked, looking tearful again.  “Because I feel kind of all over the place.”

“Darling, you gave birth.  Yesterday.  To a premature baby.  I was fucking terrified and so were you.  We’re both all over the place.”

She leant in and kissed her.

“It’s okay,” she said gently.  “It’s all okay.”

Next time... Carla and Lisa surprise each other and Lisa has her work meeting...

Chapter Text

11^th June 2025

“Well, that was delicious, as always,” Lisa said, putting her cutlery down.  “Thank you, darling.”

“It was just a lasagne,” Carla said, sipping her wine.

“It’s not just anything,” Lisa said.

“Oh, you guys are going to go all soppy, aren’t you?” Betsy protested.  “Mum’s got tears in hers eyes…”

She gestured to Lisa.

“And you’re not much better!  Look at the state of you, swooning all over her!”

She shook her head at Carla.

“We have just got engaged or…”

Carla furrowed her eyebrows.

“Is it engaged when you’re renewing your vows?” she asked her wife.

“I don’t know,” Lisa said, wiping her eyes, embarrassed to have been caught so emotional over a lasagne, even if it was one of Carla’s special dishes.  “I mean, I bought you an engagement ring.”

“A beautiful engagement ring,” Carla beamed at her.

She stretched out her left hand, admiring the new ring that had been added to her original one and her wedding band.

“Oh my…  How long am I going to have to live with you two all soppy like this?” Betsy wanted to know.  “It’s more sickening than what I have to block out at night time!”

Lisa coloured.  Carla looked rather pleased with herself.

“Well, actually…” the brunette ventured.

“Carla, if you say one word about our sex life…”

“I wasn’t going to!” Carla protested.  “I swear!  What I was going to do was…”

Lisa watched as Carla rounded the table, bending down onto one knee.  She opened the ring box she had pulled out of her pocket and offered it out to her wife, gazing adoringly at her.

“I thought you deserved a ring as well,” she said.  “It’s what I was doing in town.”

Lisa gazed at the ring and then at Carla.

“You really did get distracted!” she said.

“Well, that was a lie,” Carla admitted.  “That’s the whole reason I went out.  The lasagne was the cover.  But it did mean we got two days’ dinner.”

Lisa hardly knew what to say.  Betsy watched them, smiling.

“Do you like it?” Carla asked.

“I love it!”

“Phew!” Carla joked.

She took the ring from the box and slid it onto Lisa’s finger.  She moved onto both knees, as Lisa gathered her into her arms, kissing her.

“I love you so much,” Lisa whispered against her lips.

“I love you too, my darling,” Carla whispered back.

“You really didn’t need to get me a ring,” Lisa said.

“You got me one,” Carla said.

They beamed at each other, kissing again.

“Am I going to get to look at this ring or what?” Betsy interrupted.

27^th July 2013

Carla and Lisa had driven back to the park that Carla had proposed in.  It wasn’t that close to home but it was one of Betsy’s favourite places, namely because she got to feed the ducks.

“Can we do it now, Mummy?” Betsy asked Lisa, her eyes wide with expectation, as they all walked, hand in hand towards the pond.

Lisa rolled her eyes.  She hadn’t wanted to trust the tot with the surprise but she equally had wanted to include her, the way Carla had done.

“Now?” she asked.

Betsy nodded.

“You think now’s good?” she asked playfully.

Betsy nodded so hard, her head was at risk of falling off.  She jumped excitedly from foot to foot.

“Right now?  Right here?  Mmm… I’m not sure, you know…”

“Mummy!” Betsy protested impatiently, stamping her tiny foot.

“Erm… do you want to clue me in on what’s going on?” Carla asked, utterly bemused.

“I suppose we’d better had,” Lisa decided.  “Go on, Bets.”

Lisa crouched down.

“You can give it to her.”

She pressed the ring box into her hand.  Betsy proudly thrust the box out in front of her.  Lisa leant forward and opened it.  Carla stared at the box.  Then at Betsy.  Then at Lisa.  She was already in tears.

“You got me a ring.  You didn’t have to get me a ring.”

“You got me one,” Lisa pointed out.  “Do you like it?”

She took the ring from the box and offered it to Carla, who encouraged her to slip it onto her finger.

“I love it,” she said, admiring it.  “I love it and I love you.”

“I love you too,” Lisa said softly, kissing her.

“I am here you know!” Betsy said grumpily.

Carla bent to pick her up, hoisting her onto her hip, even though she was becoming far too big for pick ups now.

“Oh, we know, young lady!” she said.  “We know.  So, did you help Mummy with this?”

Betsy nodded proudly.

“You helped me pick the ring, didn’t you Bets?”

“I did.  After school.  Mummy bought me ‘Donalds after!”

“Oh really!  I didn’t get any ‘Donalds!” Carla complained.

“You were at a fancy dinner for work,” Lisa reminded her.

“I think I would have preferred ‘Donalds,” Carla said.

She looked at the ring on her hand again.

“Thank you,” she said.  “Both.  You’ve made me feel very special.”

“You are special, darling,” Lisa said sincerely.

“Can we feed the ducks now?” Betsy asked.

12^th June 2025

Carla was waiting for Lisa outside the police station, ready to take her to lunch.  She smiled and waved when she saw her exit the building.  The blonde smiled back, eagerly approaching her.

“Hey, Pickle,” she said, greeting her with a kiss.

“I grabbed us a couple of Meal Deals.  Thought we could just go for a wander.  Sit on a bench in that park round the corner from here and eat them in the sunshine?  Sound okay?”

“Perfect.”

Carla kept the food in the bag in one hand and held Lisa’s hand with the other.

“So…?  How was your meeting?” Carla nudged as they began to walk.

“Oh, it was fine.  It was nothing,” Lisa said vaguely.

“Nothing?” Carla asked, confused.  “Your big boss called you in for nothing?”

Lisa shrugged.

“It was just a supervision type thing.  Checking how I was doing.  That I was happy.  Nothing major.  Nothing important.”

Carla frowned, unconvinced.  The walked into the park together.

“Right… okay… if you say so,” Carla said.

“What does that mean?” Lisa asked a little defensively.

“Just… seems a bit odd, that’s all,” Carla said.  “He’s not even your direct line manager and he’s calling you in for a meeting, out of the blue?  And it’s just to ask you how you are?  Doesn’t ring true to me.”

“Are you calling me a liar?”

“Well, kind of.  I mean, your ears have turned pink and your voice is all pitchy and that usually means you’re telling fibs.  You’re absolutely terrible at it, DS Saucepot.”

Lisa laughed.

“Good job I’ve never had to work undercover then, isn’t it?”

They both grinned at each other.

“So… are you going to tell me…?” Carla coaxed.

Lisa sighed awkwardly.

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” she eventually said.  “I’m going to say no.”

They sat down on a bench.  Carla began sorting out their lunch.

“No to what?”

Lisa sighed again, still awkward.

“He invited me to apply for the new DI position,” she said.

“Sauce, that’s amazing!” Carla enthused.  “Darling, I’m so proud of you!  Well done!”

Carla put the food back in the bag so she could hug her.  Then she paused.

“Wait?  You’re saying no?”

She kept her arms around her, searching her expression.

“Why?”

“Pickle, it was when I made DS that you and I… we fell apart.  We got married and it was the happiest time and then I made DS and we just… died.”

“Hey,” Carla said.  “We never died.”

“It felt like we did.  When you left.  When I had to learn to live without you.  Pickle, I can’t risk that again.  I’m happy enough as Detective Sergeant.  But if I lost you again, I wouldn’t survive it.  I can’t do anything that would risk us.  Not for my career, not for anything.”

“Sweetheart, you wouldn’t be.  None of that would happen again.”

“What, if I couldn’t control my hours?  If all that happened again, you’d just put up with it, would you?”

“We’d manage.  We’ve been through too much to ever throw it away again.  You wouldn’t be so careless with our marriage again and I would never walk out again.  We know that.  We’ve promised that, right?”

Lisa nodded but her anxiety hadn’t calmed.

“So, I really think you should go for it, Sauce.  Come on… DI Saucepot?  Has a lovely ring to it, don’t you think?”

Lisa chuckled.  Carla leant in and kissed her.

“You’ve always wanted this, darling.  Always.  And I’ve always wanted it for you.  You’ve worked so hard.  You deserve this.”

“But I’m so scared of losing you,” Lisa said tearfully.

“You will never lose me,” Carla promised.  “We’ve been through too much to get here.  You are going to thrive in this promotion.  We are going to renew our vows.  And we are going to live happily ever after.”

Next time... Carla struggles when she is propositioned on a night out...

Chapter Text

13^th June 2025

Lisa was delighted that the end of the day had finally arrived.  She, Carla, Michelle and Steve had arranged dinner with Dee Dee and her new boyfriend, a new solicitor at her firm, called Jared.  Everyone was keen to meet him and by all accounts, he was quite nervous to meet everyone.

“Sorry!” she said, when she bumped into someone on the other sides of the doors, on her way out.  “Oh.  Sorry.”

Becky studied her for a moment.  They’d barely spoken over the last month unless they’d had to offer each other professional courtesy.  Thankfully, they had never had to work together terribly closely.  Lisa had always been more of a lone wolf.  It was something she was regularly pulled up on.

“Heard you got engaged or something?” Becky said, shoving her hands in her pockets.

“Uh, yeah,” Lisa said awkwardly.  “I mean, we’re renewing our vows.”

“Reminding her how to stay faithful?”

Lisa hated the bitterness in her ex’s voice; how hurt she must still be.

“No,” she said, always protective of Carla.  “Monogamy was never the issue.”

“I imagine you’ll find it is now,” Becky said nastily.  “Now she’s experienced such a range of… tastes.”

Lisa swallowed.

“Look, I know you’re upset with me,” she said.  “Be upset.  Fine.  But please don’t come for Carla.  She’s don’t nothing to you.”

“She stole my fiancée!” Becky snapped.

“She didn’t,” Lisa replied.

“I got the ring back, by the way.  Thanks for just shoving it in my locker.  I’ve changed the code now.”

Lisa sighed.

“I didn’t know what you wanted me to do.  Make a big scene?  What?”

“I don’t know.  Something less… cold?  But then, you never really had any regard for me, did you?  Everyone knows that.”

“That’s really not true,” Lisa denied.  “I cared about you.”

“Not enough though, eh?”

She walked past without another word.  Frowning, Lisa headed on out of the station and to her car, trying to shake her feelings of guilt.

The evening had gone well.  Everyone was suitably impressed with Jared and pleased that Dee Dee had found someone she liked so much.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Carla asked, nudging Lisa gently.

“Me?  Yeah, I’m fine.”

She plastered a smile on her face.  Carla kissed her.  She rested their faces together.

“You’ve been quiet,” she said softly.  “You sure?”

“Just… bumped into Becky on my way out of work,” Lisa explained.  “Made me feel a bit shit, that’s all.  I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Carla said, the ghost of a kiss on her cheek.  “You shouldn’t feel bad.  But it’s a testament to the beautiful person you are, that you do.”

Lisa smiled affectionately at her.  They kissed again.

“Hey, hey, you two!  No canoodling in the corner!” Michelle said loudly, barging in on their conversation.  “This is a group event.”

“What, do you want us to canoodle you?” Carla smirked, wrapping her arm around Lisa, tucking her into her side.

“No thank you!  We did enough canoodling when we were teenagers!”

Lisa laughed loudly.  Dee Dee looked shocked.

“You’ve slept together?” she exclaimed.

“No!” Carla laughed.  “She used to snog me when she was trying to get lads’ attention.  Used me, she did!”

Dee Dee stared between the two friends.

“Why did I not know this?  I feel like I’m the only one who didn’t know this.”

“I’m quite fond of this knowledge,” Steve admitted.

“And I don’t really have an opinion,” Lisa said.  “I mean, who didn’t snog most of their friends growing up?”

Everyone looked at her.  Carla kissed her cheek.

“You need more lesbians round the table to get it,” she told her.

Lisa nodded in understanding.

“Right, I need the loo,” Carla announced.

Michelle stood, exiting the booth so Carla could head over to the toilets.  Lisa sat back against her seat, watching her, a smile on her face.

“Oh, my wife is ever so dreamy,” Michelle teased, nudging into her.  “I love her so much!”

“Stop it!” Lisa complained.

“You stop it!”

1^st March 2019

Carla arrived back at her flat a little worse for wear.  She locked up and stripped her clothes, heading straight for the shower.  She felt unclean.  She seemed to have developed a reputation for enjoying a wild and carefree sex life.  And true to form, she’d hooked up with some random barmaid tonight.  Clumsy, brief, unsatisfying sex.  It was always unsatisfying.  She seemed to have developed a psychological condition where she couldn’t orgasm unless it was Lisa’s fingers or Lisa’s mouth taking control of her.

She waited for the water to run hot and stepped under the spray.  She scrubbed her body, pushing the memory of the barmaid, whatever her name had been from herself.  She rested her forehead against the cold tile, as sobs overcame her.  She missed Lisa.  With every beat of her heart, she missed Lisa.

13^th June 2025

Carla was just washing her hands.  She checked her reflection in the mirror.

“You look hot, don’t worry.”

She turned, looking puzzled at the woman stood a couple of sinks over.  She had clearly been waiting for her.

“You don’t remember me, do you?”

“Sorry…” Carla said, gripping the edge of the sink and feeling distinctly uncomfortable.

“We hooked up a few years ago,” the woman said.  “I was working in a bar round the corner?”

“I don’t…  Sorry.  I’m not great with faces.”

“I suppose you were more interested in my…”

Carla cleared her throat, cutting her off.

“I was disappointed when you didn’t call.”

“You haven’t been waiting years, have you?” Carla asked, laughing nervously.

“Not quite but now you’re here…?”

She jerked her head in the direction of a cubicle.

“I’m here with my wife!” Carla exclaimed.

“So?”

“So?  Well, if it doesn’t matter to you, it matters to me!”

She turned towards the door before turning back.

“And don’t you work here?” she asked, noting the woman’s uniform.  “Should you be propositioning customers in the loos?”

The woman shrugged.

“Well, you didn’t mind that night,” she pointed out.

Carla sighed.

“A different time,” she said.  “I was a different person.”

“Thing is, Carla,” the woman dared, stepping closer.  “In my experience, people like you… they don’t change. You might have got married or whatever and you might even love your wife.  But even if it’s not me, you’ll end up in a toilet with a stranger at some point.  It’s who you are.”

Carla turned and hurried out of the bathroom and over to the table.  She was relieved to see Michelle was up at the bar.

“She’s complaining the service is too slow,” Steve explained.  “Wants more drinks.”

Carla nodded but barely heard him.  She leant into Lisa, who had her full attention.

“Can we go home, please?” she whispered.

Lisa nodded, immediately sliding out of the booth.  She apologised to Dee Dee, exchanged pleasantries with Jared and asked them to tell them what they owed.

“Can’t wait to get home for a quickie?” Michelle teased on her way back.  “Honestly, you two!”

Lisa and Carla just smiled, as Lisa led Carla out, the brunette holding tightly to her hand.

In the car, Lisa turned to Carla.  She watched her busy herself with getting strapped in and comfortable.

“Do you want to tell me?” the Detective asked.

Carla shook her head.

“I just want to go home for a cuddle,” she said.

“Okay,” Lisa agreed, starting the car.  “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

At home, Carla lay in Lisa’s arms, her head resting on her chest.  She closed her eyes, listening to her heartbeat, as Lisa’s ran her hands through her hair.

“Do you want to talk about it now?” Lisa asked.

Carla shook her head, cuddling in tighter.

“I just… love you,” she said.

Lisa pressed her lips to the top of Carla’s head.

“I love you too, darling,” the blonde said.  “With all my heart.  And if something’s upset you, I’d really like to help if I can.”

“You are.”

Lisa continued to stroke Carla’s hair.  Her free hand found Carla’s, resting them both on her hip.

“I wish we’d never been apart, Sauce,” Carla eventually sighed.  “I feel like we’ve wasted so much time and I’m so sorry.  I’m so sorry for all the bad decisions I made, for the way I hurt you.”

“Hey,” Lisa said kindly.  “What happened to not needing to apologise?  We both made mistakes, Pickle.  Both of us.  I wish we’d never been apart either.  If we could do this whole thing again, I would correct so many mistakes.  I’d put you and Betsy first and never give you cause to leave me…”

Carla sat up, staring intently at her.

“I never should have left you.  I wish I hadn’t.”

“But it happened, Pickle,” Lisa said, stroking her face.  “We can’t change it.  All we can do is be happy that we got over ourselves and came back together.  And also that… despite being apart, we loved each other completely, throughout it all.  We always had that connection, no matter what.  Isn’t that a beautiful thing?”

Carla nodded, her gaze lingering for a moment before she settled back down on Lisa’s chest.  She breathed with her, finding the rhythm calming.

“Who said what to you, my darling?”

Carla sighed, closing her eyes.

“Just… that I’ll never change,” she said.  “That I’m going to hurt you and I… I’d rather die than hurt you, Sauce.”

“Well, I’m confident you’re not going to hurt me, Pickle,” Lisa assured her.

She meant it.  She felt Carla sigh against her.

“Is this because you slept with the barmaid?”

Carla jolted upright, eyes wild with panic.

“I didn’t!  She came in and I…”

“Sweetheart, I didn’t mean today,” Lisa said, a soft smile playing on her lips.

“Oh,” Carla managed, looking no less concerned.  “How did you…?  I’m so confused.”

“She was eyeing you up all evening and then she followed you into the toilets.  Then you came out all upset,” Lisa said.  “I assume she said something unkind to you.”

Carla blinked at her.

“Pickle, I am a Detective.”

A slow smile spread across Carla’s face.

“DS Saucepot,” she said.  “Soon to be DI Saucepot.”

Lisa chuckled.  She stroked Carla’s face again, pressing her thumb on her bottom lip.  Carla kissed it.

“It was years ago.  For some reason, she thought I’d be up for round two.  With the love of my life sat at the table waiting for me.  I barely even remember her.  She said that if it wasn’t her this time, it would be someone else next time, that I can’t change.  But I never ever cheated on you, Sauce.  And I never would.”

“I know,” Lisa agreed.  “That wasn’t the problem.  People can judge you, me, us, all they like but we know what’s true.”

“I’m scared.”

“Of?”

“Of letting you down.  Of not being good enough for you.  I’ve never been good enough for you.”

Tears surprised Lisa.  She’d been so calm throughout the conversation, despite how heartbroken she was at her wife’s sadness.

“I never want to hear you say that again, okay?” she warned.  “I mean it, Carla.”

The brunette was surprised at the rare use of her name.  In private, it was always nicknames.

“You are more than good enough for me.  I don’t know what it’s going to take to get it into that beautiful heart of yours.  When you’re going to learn to accept it.  I admire you.  I have always admired you.  The person you are.  The wife.  The mother.  The businesswoman.  The friend.  All of it.  You’re incredible.  I’m so proud to be able to call you mine.”

Carla leant closer, closing the gap between them.

“You always say the right thing.”

“Well, not always!” Lisa joked.

“I do know how lucky I am to have you,” Carla said.  “Thank you for always understanding me.  For always… getting it.”

“I love you, silly,” Lisa said, kissing her again.

Carla snuggled back down, never wanting to leave her arms.

Next time... in the past, Carla and Lisa enjoy parenthood and in present day, Lisa looks forward to her promotion...

Chapter Text

1^st May 2008

“She’s asleep,” Carla said proudly, entering the bedroom.

“I can see,” Lisa said, nodding to the camera feed on the bedside table.

Carla coloured.

“I forgot that was there.  Did you watch?”

Lisa smiled lovingly at her, reaching up her arms from where she was sat on the edge of the bed.  Carla came to sit next to her, accepting the cuddle.

“I did,” Lisa said.  “I heard your lovely songs.  I heard you telling her how much you love her.”

“Oh no…”

“… how much you love me…” Lisa continued.

Carla buried her face into Lisa’s neck.

“I’m so embarrassed.  Maybe we need to make an agreement not to listen in and watch each other on the baby monitor?”

“Why are you embarrassed?” Lisa asked.

“Because I went full on soppy!”

“Pickle, I hate to break this to you but you are full on soppy!”

Carla sat up, indignant.

“I am not!”

Lisa laughed and kissed her.

“You really are.”

“Well, I never used to be.  Then this little blonde copper barged her way into my life and left me helpless!”

Lisa beamed at her.

“Did you think… that first night… that we’d become… this?” she asked.

Carla held her hand.

“No,” she said honestly.  “I mean, I knew you were different.  Instantly.  But it’s not like I’ve ever successfully held onto a relationship before.  Not really.  It’s been one fling, then another.  I wanted us to be different but I didn’t really have enough faith in myself to think that you’d want me for more than… you know.”

She gazed at Lisa.

“What about you?” she dared.

“From the first moment, there was something between us, wasn’t there?  That spark.  That connection.  I wanted you.  Badly.  But I also loved just talking to you.  Remember we talked for hours that night?”

“Yeah,” Carla said softly.  “We’ve never stopped talking since!”

“I hope we never stop,” Lisa said sincerely.  “I found you so interesting.  So funny.  So charming.  I still do.”

Carla beamed at her.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted more from me than… you know, the obvious.”

Carla stole a kiss.

“But I wanted more.  Straight away, I wanted more.  And then after…”

“The obvious?”

Lisa chuckled.

“Yeah.  After that.  I really wanted more.  More time with you.  More joy with you.”

“And now look at us,” Carla said, sighing happily.

They both looked over at Betsy, asleep on the monitor.  Her first night at home in her own bed.

“Yeah,” Lisa said, squeezing Carla’s hand.

“Now, you’re sure you don’t want her in with us tonight?”

“I’m sure,” Lisa said.

It had been a back and forth conversation for months.

“I think if we do it the first night, we’re going to be doing it forever.”

“Well, probably not when she’s like, eighteen but…”

Lisa let out an audible breath.

“Can you imagine when we’re parents to an eighteen year old?” she exclaimed.

“We’ll be in our fifties!” Carla chuckled.

“Ugh!  We’ll have ramped down all our exploits…”

“Hey!” Carla interrupted.  “I never agreed to that!  You didn’t tell me anything about that!”

Lisa laughed, pulling her closer for a kiss.

“Never change, Pickle.  Never change.”

12^th July 2025

Everyone was gathered in Carla and Lisa’s garden.  Another heatwave had hit so they had decided to throw a barbeque, hosting for the first time since they had got back together.

“Have a mentioned that I feel very lucky to be married to a chef?” Lisa asked, slipping her arms around Carla’s waist, as she tended to the food.

Carla chuckled.

“I am merely a lowly business owner,” she replied.

Lisa kissed her shoulder.  She knew one of Carla’s proudest achievements had been learning to cook.

“And besides, you literally cooked everything for the first few years of our relationship.  I barely managed toast!  Remember I made you toast the first morning I moved in with you and I burnt it?”

Lisa smiled into her shoulder.

“I loved that toast,” she said.  “It was special.”

“It was burnt!  I know it was burnt because you let me have some!”

“As if I cared, Pickle.  I was living with the most incredible woman in the world, who, despite falling into abject terror any time she went into the kitchen – unless it was to pour a glass of wine – got up on our first morning living together and made me breakfast in bed.”

Carla smiled.

“Well, if you put it like that…”

“If I put it like that, you’re the cutest person on earth, aren’t you?”

Carla laughed.

“And you’re the loveliest.  And the cleverest.  Ooh, speaking of…”

“What?”

Lisa was confused, as Carla turned round.  She picked up her glass from the table, clanging it pointedly with a fork to get everyone’s attention.

“What are you doing?”

“We’ve got an announcement!”

“Mum, everyone already knows you’re renewing your vows!” Betsy complained from where she was sat with the friends she’d invited to join the party.

“Not that!  The other thing!” Carla said proudly, looking at Lisa, who looked blank.  “Lise!”

Lisa caught on but opted to continue looking blank just because it was more fun.

“Oh, for goodness’ sake!  Lisa has been promoted at work!  You’re now looking at DI Sa… wain!”

Lisa chuckled at the near-reveal of her nickname.  For twenty years, they’d kept their names under wraps; even Betsy didn’t know.  Or at least, they didn’t think she did.  But then, it turned out she’d known a lot more than they’d thought over the years.

“Carla, you didn’t have to make a big announcement!” Lisa said, now embarrassed at the way everyone was clapping and cheering.

Carla swept her into her arms.

“Well, I’m proud of you, aren’t I?” she said.

She brushed her lips against her ear.

“DI Saucepot.”

30^th March 2010

“So, are we just going to bigger and bigger every year for her birthday or…?”

Carla paused blowing up the balloon, catching Lisa smirking at her.

“It’s not like we hired a hall or something!” she protested.

Lisa raised her eyebrows and continued blowing her own balloon up.

“Or a bouncy castle,” Carla added.

Lisa let the balloon fly away.

“Because I stopped you!  Pickle, she’s two!  She can’t bounce on a bouncy castle!”

Carla pouted.

“She’s our baby girl.  I want her to have everything.”

Lisa gestured to the ridiculously over-decorated lounge, ready for Betsy’s birthday in the morning.

“Yeah, okay.  We’ll tone it down next year.”

Lisa laughed.  Carla let her balloon go too and pounced on Lisa, pinning her, giggling onto the sofa.

“I said I’d tone it down!”

“You said that last year.”

“Hey!  You were all over it last year.  My baby girl’s first birthday…”

“My baby girl’s second birthday…  I want her to have everything!” Lisa laughed.

“I do!” Carla protested.  “I want both my girls to have everything.  Always.”

They gazed at each other for a moment.

“Kiss me,” Lisa requested.

Carla needed no more invitation, as she closed the gap between them.  Lisa’s hands found their way into Carla’s hair, pulling her closer.

“We’ve already got everything,” Lisa told her.  “We’ve got you.”

12^th July 2025

The last of their guests had left.  Betsy had gone up to watch Netflix in her room.  Carla lay stretched out on the sofa, her head in Lisa’s lap.  She smiled, enjoying the way her wife stroked her hair.

“You really didn’t have to make such a fuss about my job, you know,” Lisa mused.

Carla shifted so she could look up at her.

“Like I said, I’m proud of you.  And so is everyone else.  You’ve worked so hard, Sauce.  Take the praise.”

Lisa smiled down at her, her hand moving to rest on her arm.

“I think we should go suit shopping tomorrow,” Carla suggested.  “For work, I mean.”

“I’ve got loads already.  I’m literally changing one letter in my title!”

“But you need something nice.  New.  For your first day.”

Lisa sighed, feeling deep affection for the woman splayed out on her lap.

“You’re too sweet to me, you know,” she said.

Carla shook her head.

“I’m not being entirely selfless.  You know what your work gear does to me.  I only wish I’d not missed your days in uniform!”

Lisa laughed loudly.

“Not that you’ve never…”

She raised her eyebrows, both of them recalling more than one occasion when Lisa had been persuaded to put on her formal uniform for private activities.

“No getting ideas, you!” Lisa said, tapping her gently on the nose.

Carla grabbed her hand, pulling it closer so she could kiss the offending finger.  Lisa wondered if there would ever be a time when even the simplest of kisses didn’t send a thrill through her.

Catching the expression on her wife’s face, Carla kept hold of her hand, running her tongue the length of her finger.  Kissing the tip.  Lisa shifted, nudging Carla’s up so she could kiss her properly.  Carla’s hand found its way to the back of Lisa’s neck, pulling her in.

“I’m so proud of you, DI Saucepot,” she murmured.  “And in case you didn’t know, I think you’re really hot.”

Lisa smiled, her hand easily slipping inside Carla’s t-shirt.  Carla moaned into their kiss.

“I think you’re pretty damn hot yourself,” Lisa told her.

Carla whimpered, as Lisa’s hand broke contact with her bra.  Her eyes widened when her fingers swiftly slipped down beneath the waistband of her shorts.

“Sauce, we ought to take this upstairs.  If Betsy comes down…”

“Not like we’ve not done it on here a million times,” Lisa said, her fingers teasing the outside of Carla’s already damp underwear.

“But if she comes down…”

Carla’s protestations were cut off by Lisa’s fingers inside her underwear, exploring her, playing with her.  She crushed their mouths together.

“Are you sure you weren’t saying something?” Lisa asked.

“It doesn’t matter!”

Carla let her legs fall wider apart, welcoming Lisa eagerly.  It didn’t take long to work her up.  Carla reluctantly broke away from their kiss, falling back into Lisa’s lap, closing her eyes as a deep, cry escaped her lips.

“Fuck…” she breathed, as Lisa continued to stroke slowly, guiding her back down.  “You are just… amazing.”

Lisa smiled lovingly at her, kissing her again.  Carla smiled dreamily back at her.  Curled up in Lisa’s arms was her happiest place on earth.

Next time... Lisa worries about work, she and Carla plan their wedding and in 2022, Lisa lets Carla down...

Chapter Text

1^st September 2025

“Do you know that today, twenty years ago, we decided to move in together?” Lisa recalled.

It was Friday night and the couple had headed to The Rovers for a drink with their friends.

“Aww, aren’t you two sweet, remembering that?” Michelle cooed from the other side of the bar.  “Assuming she remembered as well.”

On the bar stool beside her wife, Carla slipped her arm around her.  She pressed a kiss on Lisa’s cheek.

“Of course I remember,” she said.  “And you lot all worried that we were rushing things.”

“Well, you had only been together a few months,” Dee Dee pointed out.  “It was a bit quick.”

“Eight months of bliss!” Lisa protested.  “I knew she was ‘the one’.”

“And you said we were rushing things when we wanted a baby,” Carla said to Michelle, who shrugged helplessly.

“You never even mentioned kids until then!” her friend told her.

“Well, I’d never met anyone I wanted kids with until I met Lisa.”

She gazed lovingly at the blonde.

“She stabilised me, didn’t she?”

Lisa leant in and kissed her.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you too,” Carla replied.

“Alright, enough of the sop-fest,” Steve protested.

Carla and Lisa both apologised but continued to lean against each other.

“So, how’s life as a DI, Lisa?” Dee Dee asked.

“Busy!” Lisa said.  “But I’m enjoying it.  I’m glad Carla pushed me to go for it.”

“I’m so proud of you, darling,” Carla said affectionately.

They kissed again.

“And how are the wedding plans coming along?” Michelle asked.  “Not long to go now!”

“Slowly but surely,” Carla said.  “We’re keeping it small this time.  Simple.”

11^th September 2005

Carla looked around her flat.  It felt strange to see everything packed up in boxes.  Her whole life.  She had been living here for years, longer than she had lived anywhere before.  Above Michelle and Steve.  Michelle – her best friend in the whole world.  But this whole year had been a whirlwind.  The last thing she had expected was to meet the love of her life at New Year.  She and Lisa had barely spent a day apart since they’d met.  Carla had fallen hard and fast.  She was deeply in love with Lisa.  She was excited to move in with her.  It just felt strange to be packing up her life and leaving her flat behind.

“Knock, knock.”

She smiled, as Lisa let herself into the flat.

“You all packed up?” the blonde asked, approaching with a hug.

“Almost,” Carla said.  “Just a few little bits to do.”

“Still excited?” Lisa checked.

Carla beamed at her.  She kissed her.

“Very excited,” she said.

They kissed again.

“Me too.”

4^th September 2025

Lisa was anxious.  It was nearly 9pm and she hadn’t made it home.  She had only been DI for a couple of months and it had already started.  Early mornings.  Missed dates.  Late nights.  Work creeping into their home life.  Taking over.  A big case had come in a few weeks ago.  A missing girl had turned up dead a week before.  It haunted her.  She was desperate to find her killer.  Find justice for her brutal death.  The way she had been tortured before she’d died.  But she was painfully aware that it was eroding time with her wife.  Her daughter.  Her family.  And she was terrified that history was repeating itself.  It was why she hadn’t wanted to take the promotion in the first place.

Taking a deep breath, she let herself into the house.  She found the lounge dark.  Wandering through to the kitchen, she found Carla and Betsy at the dining table, playing Suspend.  The tower crashed down just as Lisa walked into the room.

“Hey, darling!” Carla greeted warmly, standing up.

She smirked at Betsy and called her a loser.

“Hey!  Since when are you competitive?  That’s why I like playing games with you and not her!”

She jerked her thumb at Lisa.  Carla smiled broadly and pulled Lisa into her arms.

“Tough day?” she asked softly.

Lisa nodded, accepting her kiss.

“Dinner’s in the oven if you’re hungry.  Cottage pie.”

“Thank you,” Lisa said.  “I’m so sorry I’m late.  I…”

“It’s okay,” Carla said.  “We understand.  Don’t we?”

She turned to Betsy, who was arranging the pieces of the game into threes so they could all play the next round.

“We know you’re dealing with a massive case at the moment, Mum,” the teenager said.

“It’s not going to be forever, darling,” Carla said.  “And in the meantime, we’re here to look after you.”

She kissed the tip of Lisa’s nose, reassuring her.

“Dinner?”

Lisa nodded, warmth flooding her and anxiety beginning to dissipate.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely.

Carla smiled lovingly at her before busying herself with sorting dinner.

“Can I have some more?” Betsy asked hopefully.

“After the massive piece you ate earlier?” Carla exclaimed.

“I’m a growing girl!” Betsy protested.  “And it’s delicious!”

Carla chuckled.

“I think I can find you a piece.”

28^th September 2022

“What’s so important about the 1^st October anyway?” Becky asked, sounding irritated.

Lisa paused.  She looked and felt awkward.

“It’s just… a day Carla and I always spend together, that’s all.”

‘What, an anniversary?  You want me to piss off so you can spend your anniversary together?  That’s not weird at all.”

“No!  Our anniversary is New Year,” Lisa said quickly.

“Oh, brilliant,” Becky replied sourly.

Lisa sighed, twisting her fingers together.

“Please don’t make me explain.  It’s…  it’s just a thing that we do, Bex.  It’s important.”

“Well, I think it ought to stop now,” Becky said.  “Lisa, we’ve been together almost a year now and so much of that time has been spent with Carla hanging around our neck.  And honestly, it’s just getting worse, not better.”

That night, Lisa phoned Carla.  Her heart felt heavy, as she awkwardly explained that she wouldn’t be able to see her on the anniversary of losing their baby.  They’d spent every anniversary together.  Carla tried not to show how hurt she was, tried to brush it off as nothing.  But Lisa could hear it in her voice.  The way it caught on the last word.  She hated herself for not standing up to her girlfriend.  For letting Carla down.  She wanted to spend it with Carla.  She wanted them to look after each other the way they had always done.

1^st October 2025

“She’d be nineteen now,” Carla mused.

She and Lisa were having a quiet dinner together in town.  They held hands across the table.

“I wonder what she’d be doing with her life.”

“Maybe she’d be at Uni,” Lisa said.  “Training to be a fashion designer like Betsy wants to be.  Taking after her amazing Mum.”

“Or she’d be gearing up to be a top cop like her other Mum.  DI Extraordinaire!”

Lisa laughed softly.

“Well, I don’t know about that but…”

Carla squeezed her hand.

“Oh, you are that to me,” she said.  “I am so proud of you.  The way you handled that case recently.  Seeing you on TV making that press statement.  Catching that guy for what he did to that girl.  Incredible.”

Lisa smiled, shy but touched.

“Thank you.”

“Betsy’s proud of you too.  And our girl would be.  Because you’re amazing.”

“I mean, you’re pretty amazing too, Pickle.  The way you built that business up.  How strong and capable you are.  I am so proud to call you my wife and I am so excited to renew our vows.”

“Me too,” Carla said, smiling back at Lisa.

“I wonder what Betsy would be like if she had a big sister bossing her around,” Lisa said thoughtfully.

“Oh, I bet they would have squabbled no end.”

“Betsy always thinking she was right!”

“Of course!” Carla laughed.

“But I like to think that ultimately they would have been devoted to each other,” Lisa said softly.  “Looked out for each other when it mattered.”

Carla smiled and nodded.

“Definitely,” she said.  “They would have.  Teamed up against us, no doubt.  Given us plenty of cheek.”

“Well, any kid of yours would have to be cheeky, wouldn’t they?” Lisa teased.

“Oi!” Carla protested.

Lisa raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, fair point.  But… you like that, don’t you?”

A teasing smile splayed across her lips.  Lisa returned it.

“Oh yes,” she confirmed.  “I definitely like it.”

4th October 2014

Carla and Lisa sat at the table carefully writing out their wedding invitations.  They had tasked Betsy with gluing sparkles on the envelopes.

“I can’t believe that in less that in less than two months we’re actually going to be married,” Lisa said, glancing up at Carla.

Carla beamed back at her.

“I’m so excited.  You’re going to look so hot in your suit.”

“You too,” Lisa told her.

“And then we’ve got the honeymoon to think about…” Carla added.

Lisa’s parents had offered to look after Betsy for a week so that Lisa and Carla could away after the wedding.  The couple had eagerly accepted and booked themselves into a lodge in Cornwall, where they would not be disturbed.

3^rd October 2025

“I’ve got a present for you,” Lisa announced, arriving home from work, a little later than she had home.

Carla was just serving up dinner for the three of them.

“For me?” Betsy asked hopefully.

“For your Mum, sorry,” Lisa said.

“Better not be a sex toy,” the teenager remarked.

“Betsy!” both her parents exclaimed.

Betsy shrugged.  She had started to enjoy teasing them about their sex life, now it was no longer a secret.

“What’s the present?” Carla asked, taking Lisa into her arms.  “Kind of hoping it’s a sex toy now.”

Lisa laughed a little self consciously.  She pulled a folded A4 piece of paper out of her back pocket and gave it to Carla.  The brunette scanned the paper, her eyes lighting up.  She smiled broadly.

“The same lodge we stayed at for our honeymoon?” she asked.

“Is it okay?” Lisa asked.  “Not silly?”

“It’s perfect,” Carla confirmed.  “I love it.  Thank you.”

“I just thought… we had such a great time there before.  It might be fun to go back.”

“It’s perfect,” Carla repeated.

Lisa smiled.  Carla pulled her in for a kiss.

Next time... Carla and Lisa enjoy their honeymoon and in present day, they plan their vow renewal...

Chapter Text

2nd January 2015

“Oh, this is perfect, darling!” Carla said.  “Absolutely perfect!”
They had driven to Cornwall, listening and chatting the whole way, switching drivers halfway through so neither of them got too tired.  It felt a little easier leaving Betsy this time than it had when they’d been away to New York.  At least they were still in the country.  And Betsy was older now.  But they still missed her.  Still worried about her.  Even though they knew she were perfectly happy and perfectly safe with Lisa’s parents.

“Our perfect little hideaway,” she said, turning round to survey their ‘home’ for the next week.

“Not too small?” Lisa checked.

She had booked a little cabin on a farm in the middle of nowhere, as had been the brief.  It had been a long drive with luggage and a big shop in the boot.  But their plan was to hide themselves away and make the most of their privacy.  They had located some nice farm shops and walks they could do.  But mostly, they planned to curl up with films and food.  And each other.

“Definitely not too small,” Carla said.

The cabin consisted of a lounge and kitchenette.  A small bathroom and a bedroom.  The doors opened wide onto a field with a lake.  They could see ducks and sheep wandering around.  The feeling of the open space around them was refreshing, despite the cold air.  There was one other cabin nearby.  Smaller and unoccupied.

Carla set their bags down in the bedroom.  She moved closer to wrap her arms around Lisa, kissing her.

“I cannot wait to spend this week together.  Our gorgeous honeymoon.”

“Ten years together and we finally get a honeymoon!” Lisa chuckled.  “Finally get a wedding.”

“I would have married you the moment I met you,” Carla admitted.

Lisa stole another kiss.

“Me too,” she said.

Their kiss deepened.

“Fancy christening that bed?” Lisa suggested.

Carla smiled against her lips, allowing Lisa to nudge her back into the bedroom.  She fell back against the mattress when her legs hit the edge of the bed.  They shrugged their coats off urgently, having forgotten all about their bags, the shopping or to close any of the doors.  They tore at each other’s close, letting them land haphazardly on the floor or the bed.  They kicked off their shoes, their socks.

Lisa straddled Carla’s lap, their chests pressing together, tongues searching each other out, breathing hard.  Hands slipped down, finding each other’s clits easily, hot and wet.  They paused their kiss, looking into each other’s eyes.

“Together?” Carla breathed.

“Together.”

Each slid two fingers insider each other.  Each cried out at the contact, as their thumbs maintained the pressure where they were the most sensitive.  They built each other up, higher and higher, never breaking eye contact, never losing their intensity.

“Lisa…” Carla managed.

“Me too,” Lisa replied.

They kissed hard, as they both climaxed.  Neither of them noticed that the owners of the cabin had come to greet them, spotted them through the doors and hurried away, awkward and undetected, opting to return at a more convenient time.  They’d seen quite the eyeful of Lisa’s naked back, as she straddled Carla, clearly in ecstasy as they made each other orgasm.

18^th October 2025

“You know, I think we’re pretty on top of things this time around,” Carla said happily, sitting back in her office chair.

She turned around, watching Lisa finishing the table decoration she was working on.  She smiled as she studied the concentration on her face, the way she furrowed her brow and bit her bottom lip.  She was delighted to be back home.  To be sharing a bedroom again.  Cooking in the kitchen.  To cuddle up on the sofa each night.  And to be able to enjoy their work from home days like they used to.  She had eagerly moved her desk back into the study, which also acted as the spare room.  It had (mostly) been her room when she had come to stay during the lockdowns.

“Yeah, I think we’re doing well.  I feel much more organised,” Lisa said, sitting up.

She turned and smiled joyfully at her wife.  Her expression made Carla’s heart leap.

“You haven’t even had a Bridezilla moment yet,” the brunette teased.

Lisa pouted, throwing a balled up piece of card at her.  Carla caught it easily.  She rolled her chair closer, so their seats connected, legs entwined.  They kissed.

“I quite liked calming you down when you had your little meltdowns,” she whispered.

“That’s because you always distracted me with sex,” Lisa pointed out.

“Guilty,” Carla chuckled.  “Although I’m pretty sure I threw in some comforting words and cuddles as well.”

Lisa nodded.

“You did.”

Carla kissed her again, melting against her lips.  Lisa wrapped her arms around her neck, pulling her closer.

“I don’t suppose you fancy having a meltdown now do you?” Carla whispered.

Lisa grinned.

“Oh yeah, I’m really close to one,” she said.  “Totally panicking.  I need lots of comfort and reassurance.”

“Yeah?” Carla asked, nuzzling into her neck.

“Loads!” Lisa moaned.

Carla stood up, pulling Lisa with her and nudging her onto the double bed.  She pushed her t-shirt up so she could kiss her tummy and play with her piercing.  Then she pushed further, kissing all the way up until she reached her bra.  She cupped both her breasts, kissing them both over the material.

“Oh, for goodness’ sake!”

They both turned to see Betsy in the doorway, looking distinctly unimpressed.  Lisa yanked her t-shirt down, biting her lip guiltily.

“I came to see if you needed help with the wedding stuff.  You could at least have closed the door!”

“Sorry, Betsy,” Lisa said, clearing her throat.  “We um… finished.”

“We’ve barely got started!” Carla protested.

“I mean with the wedding stuff,” Lisa explained, swatting her playfully on the arm.

“Oh right, yeah,” the brunette grinned.  “We finished with that.”

“You could have closed the door.  There are things I don’t need to see,” Betsy told them.

They both apologised.  Their daughter rolled her eyes, closing the door pointedly and stomping down the corridor.  Carla and Lisa both burst out laughing.

“Oops!” Lisa giggled.

“Oh well!” said Carla, diving in for more kisses.  “Where were we?”

8^th January 2015

It had been a perfect week.  Lisa wasn’t sure she had ever felt so relaxed in her life.  They had ventured out once a day for a walk and to have lunch in a lovely farm shop they’d fallen in love with, whose menu they had finally completed.  They’d found a brilliant witchcraft museum, which had entertained them for a day.  A castle.  A very quaint town, in which they’d bought presents and sweets to bring back for Betsy.

But otherwise, their days had been spent curled up at the cabin, enjoying films, food and each other, just as they had planned.  The weather was freezing so they had survived on hot chocolate and cuddles.  And sex.  A lot of sex.

They’d met the owners of the cabin on the first evening.  They’d seem very nice, if a little awkward.  Carla and Lisa couldn’t figure out what the problem was but they’d decided not to let it bother them.

“I can’t believe it’s our last night here,” Lisa said, as she lay stretched out on the sofa in her pyjamas.

They had packed up earlier in the day.

“I know,” Carla sighed.  “The week’s gone so fast.  We should definitely come back here.”

“Definitely.  Hot chocolate?”

Carla nodded.  Lisa hauled herself off the couch and padded over to the kitchen.

“We should stop by the farm shop on our way home.  Get some of this stuff.  I think I’ve got an actual addiction or something.”

“And some cakes or something for the way home,” Carla suggested.

“And some cakes for the way home,” Lisa agreed, flashing her a smile, as she began preparing their drinks.

Carla watched her for a moment before climbing off the sofa.  She moved to stand behind her, slipping her arms around her waist.  Her fingers found her piercing, playing absently with it as she buried her lips against her neck.  Lisa let out a breath and closed her eyes, task forgotten, as she leant against Carla.

“You’re very distracting,” she said.

“You’re very distracting,” Carla replied.

Her hands wandered upwards, lifting her pyjama top, so she could cup her breasts, bare under her top.

“Carla, we’re literally in front of the window…”

“We’re in the middle of nowhere,” Carla said.  “I don’t think the ducks will mind.  Besides, you’ve got amazing boobs.”

Lisa let out half a laugh and half a moan, as Carla teased her nipples, which immediately stood to attention.  She continued playing with one, as her other hand slipped down inside her pyjama bottoms.

“Oh!” she said, her lips pressed against her shoulder.  “No pants…”

“I mean, why bother?” Lisa said.  “It was always going to end like this, wasn’t it?”

She felt Carla smile against her shoulder.

“Yeah,” Carla said.  “It was.”

Lisa gripped the counter, as Carla continued to toy with her nipple, her other hand easily finding a rhythm between her legs.

“Fuck… Pickle…” Lisa breathed, leaning her head back against Carla’s shoulder.

Carla took full advantage of the expose flesh on her neck.

“Tell me we’re always going to be like this…  Always going to want each other like this…”

Carla’s fingers pressed on Lisa’s slippery clit, making her cry out loudly.

“There will never be a day of my life when I don’t want you DS Saucepot,” Carla confirmed.  “You are my whole damn world.”

Next time... Carla has a surprise for Lisa and Betsy...

Chapter Text

18^th October 2025

“What are you bouncing around for?” Lisa asked curiously, as she stacked the dishwasher.

“Me?  I’m not bouncing,” Carla denied.

Lisa straightened up, eyeing her wife curiously.

“I mean, you’re literally bouncing, Pickle.  You look like you’ve got ants in your pants.”

Carla giggled.

“I’m just looking forward to our day out, that’s all,” she said.

Lisa chuckled and shook her head.

“Which you won’t tell me or Betsy about,” she remarked.

She finished the last of the stacking and closed the dishwasher, switching it on.  She stepped into Carla’s arms, wrapping her own arms around her waist, pulling her closer.  They kissed.

“What are you up to?” she asked.

“As if I’d ever be up to anything!” Carla said innocently.

Lisa merely raised her eyebrows.  Carla kissed her again.

“Pickle…”

“It’s just a little surprise, that’s all.”

“Is it to do with the wedding?” Lisa asked.

“No.”

“Oh.”

“Are you disappointed?” Carla frowned.

“No!  I’m sure whatever it is will be lovely!” Lisa assured her.  “I just… can’t figure it out.  And I’m a Detective.  Not being able to figure stuff out is very frustrating!”

Carla chuckled.  She kissed the tip of Lisa’s nose.

“All will become clear.  I promise.”

“This had better be good, that’s all I’m saying!” Betsy said from the back of the car.

Carla selected a playlist on Spotify and headed off the drive.

“I mean, I hope I don’t tend to surprise you with shit things,” she said.

“She makes a good point,” Lisa said from the passenger seat.  “Your Mum’s surprises do tend to be good ones.”

“Is it food?  Because I woke up too late for breakfast.”

“Well, we did have breakfast because we did wake up at a normal time so no, it’s not food,” Carla informed her daughter.

Betsy grumbled from the back.

“Can we stop at McDonald’s or something on the way then because I’m going to die of hunger otherwise.”

“No!”

“Mum, are you trying to kill me?  I just said I was starving!”

“And I told you to wake up on time!”

“Guys!” Lisa interrupted.  “We’re meant to be having a nice day?”

“Well, I’d be in a better mood if I had something to eat!”
“And you’d have had something to eat if…”

Carla caught Lisa’s look.

“Fine, we’ll go to bloody McDonald’s.”

Lisa reached across and squeezed her wife’s hand.  Carla squeezed back gratefully.

“Mum…” Betsy said.

She had just been in time to grab a McMuffin and hash brown with a chocolate milkshake, which had put her in a much better mood.

“Carla…” Lisa also said.

In the driver’s seat, Carla was starting to feel a little nervous.  She pulled into a parking space outside the RSPCA.

“Are we getting a dog?” Betsy squeaked.

“If… if you both still want one?”

1^st December 2016

“I’ve thought of what I want for Christmas this year,” Betsy announced at the dinner table.

“Um… you already sent your list off to Father Christmas, Bets.  He’ll have sorted your presents already.  Your very expensive presents,” Carla told her.

Lisa shot her a scolding look for the last comment.  Carla shrugged.  Betsy frowned.

“But I thought of something else.  Something really important.”

“Okay, well, can you tell us what it is?” Lisa asked.

“A dog!”

Her parents both stared at her.

“A dog?”

“A rescue dog.”

“A rescue dog,” Carla repeated.

“We learnt all about them in school,” Betsy explained.  “How dogs with no homes get sent to the RPCAS and they just wait for people to give them a home.  Isn’t that sad?”

Carla and Lisa exchanged glances.

“Darling, that is really sad,” Carla said gently.  “And we’d love to be able to give a rescue dog a home but I don’t think…  Well, we’re not really at home enough at the moment, you know with work and everything.”

She didn’t dare look at Lisa.  It was a significant point of contention.  Lisa had just been promoted to DS and she was working far too hard.  She left early and came home late.  They were struggling to communicate – emotionally or physically.  There was less of divide between them, more of a chasm.

“Oh,” Betsy said sadly.

“Perhaps when things are a bit more settled?” Lisa suggested.  “When I’m a bit more settled with my job and I’ve got more of a routine going.”

“We could talk about it again around your birthday?  That’s only a few months away?” Carla suggested.

Betsy’s eyes lit back up.

18^th October 2025

“Are you serious?  That’s all I’ve ever wanted!” Betsy enthused.  “Really?”

“Is that okay?” Carla asked Lisa.

Lisa smiled lovingly at Carla.

“You know I wanted one,” she said softly, lifting Carla’s hand and kissing it.

Carla smiled.

“I just thought… we said we’d do it when we were settled and now… we are.”

“You’re a beautiful woman, Carla Swain.”

Carla and Lisa held hands as they walked through the dog kennels.  Betsy walked ahead of them, introducing herself to each eager pup.  It was sad seeing them all there, every one desperate for attention.  They reached the end space where they met a beautiful tri-coloured collie, whose label said ‘Gypsy’.  She was beautiful.  Quiet.  But her eyes were alive with curiosity.

“Hi, Gypsy,” Lisa said, approaching the front.

The dog trotted over eagerly.

“You’re beautiful, aren’t you?”

“She’s a lovely dog.”

They all turned to see a member of the team nearby, watching them interact.

“Can you tell us about her?” Carla asked.

“She’s four years old.  We rescued her from an unsafe house.  Neglect.  Abuse.  Despite that, she’s very friendly.  Calm.  Patient.  Loving,  Quite cheeky!  She’d make a lovely family dog, if that’s what you’re looking for.”

Carla nodded enthusiastically.  Lisa was too busy getting licks from the dog through the gaps in the front of the enclosure, as was Betsy.

“Would you like to meet her properly?”

1^st December 2016

“I would have said yes to the dog.”

Carla turned around quickly from where she had been getting changed for bed.  Lisa couldn’t help but feel a little distracted at the sight of her wife in only her pyjama bottoms.  She might be upset with her but she was still gorgeous.

“What?” the brunette asked.

“I would have said yes to the dog,” Lisa repeated.

“Well, why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t want to contradict you.”

“I mean, you don’t normally have an issue with contradicting me,” Carla pouted.

Lisa glared at her, putting her own top on.  Carla felt immediately disappointed.  She copied her.  Lisa was also disappointed.

“Why do you always have to start a fight?”

“I’m not!” Carla insisted, climbing into bed.

Lisa climbed in the other side.

“You’re still doing it,” Lisa said.  “Just arguing for the sake of it, Carla.  Why?  I was just telling you I would have said yes to the dog.”

“And I’m wondering why you’re saying it now and not then.  If you’d have said you were open to it, I’d have agreed, wouldn’t I? When do I ever say no to you?”

Lisa opened her mouth to argue but stopped herself.

“You just think I’m too busy for a dog.  That you’d be the one looking after it all the time.”

“Yeah,” Carla said softly.

They both swallowed.  They both felt sad.

“I’m sorry I keep letting you down,” Lisa said quietly.  “I’m sorry I’m a bad wife.”

Carla turned to face her, reaching out to cup her face.

“You’re not a bad wife, Sauce,” she said gently.  “You’re a busy wife.”

Lisa laughed softly and apologised again.

“I love you,” Carla told her.  “And I miss you.  I miss you so much.”

“I love you too,” Lisa told her, gazing into her eyes.  “And I miss you too.  I’m so sorry, Pickle.  I will do better.  I promise.”

Carla leant in and kissed her.

18^th December 2025

“So, what happens now?” Lisa asked.

Betsy was sat on the floor with Gypsy.  The pair had fallen in love with each other.

“Well, we’d do a home assessment and…”

“We’ve already had one,” Carla explained.

“What?” Lisa exclaimed.

“I’ve already had all that done.  Given all our details.  Home assessment.  Everything.  I wanted to be able to have half a chance to bring our dog home today if we could.  I talked to someone about it all and they said it might be possible.  If we talked today and if we found the right dog which…”

She looked at Betsy and Gypsy.

“… I think we might have done.”

The young man who had let them into the enclosure smiled at them.

“I think you have.  Come to the front desk and we’ll go through everything.”

“I can’t believe you did all this,” Lisa whispered as they and a very reluctant Betsy followed him out.

Gypsy put her paws up against the front, not wanting them to leave.

“We’ll be back,” Betsy promised.

“I wanted to make it as quick and as perfect as possible,” Carla explained.

Lisa held onto her hand.  She leant in and kissed her cheek.

“I love you,” she said.

“Well, that’s a relief.  Because I love you too.”

1^st December 2016

Carla and Lisa climaxed at the same time.  Carla held on tightly to Lisa, savouring the feeling of being held in her arms.  Late nights and early mornings had eaten into their closeness recently.  Carla had been honest when she said she missed her.  She clung to her, head on her chest as she listened to her heartbeat.  She never wanted to let her go.

18^th October 2025

“So, we could actually take her home today?” Carla asked.

“Well, it’s not common practice but we did discuss the other week when we came to do the assessment.  Your home is suitable; you and your family are perfectly suitable.  And I gather Gypsy has fallen in love with you.”

The branch supervisor looked at Betsy with a smile.

“Especially you.”

Betsy looked incredible proud.  Lisa gazed at her daughter, who suddenly seemed like her baby girl again and not a seventeen year old, independent woman.

“Gypsy has been with us a while.  She’s a lovely girl and she needs a loving home which I’m sure you can provide.  So, we’d love for you to be able to take her home.”

They all thanked her, following her back through to collect Gypsy and bring her home.

“Come on, Gypsy!  Come and see your new home!” Betsy said excitedly, holding onto the lead and letting her out of the car.

The pair had sat in the back together, cuddled up.

Carla and Lisa watched them trot up the path together, as Betsy let them all in through the front door.  Still outside, Lisa slipped her arms around Carla’s waist, pulling her closer.  She kissed her.

“Thank you so much for this,” she said.  “You are the sweetest person, Pickle.”

Carla smiled shyly.

“It’s just always felt… unfinished?” she said.

Lisa smiled sadly, agreeing.

“We said we’d adopt a dog for her… for you… when we were settled,” Carla continued.  “I just wasn’t expecting it to take such a long time.”

“I know, darling,” Lisa said softly.

They kissed her again.

“Maybe we were just waiting for the right dog, eh?” Carla suggested, glancing into the house where Betsy and Gypsy were on the floor, already playing.

Lisa looked also, chuckling.

“Maybe we were.”

Next time... Carla and Lisa are caught out and in 2005, Carla and Lisa plan to spend their first Christmas together...

Chapter Text

22^nd November 2025

“I think we need to go big with Christmas this year,” Carla decided.

Lisa stared at her, across the table in The Rovers, her mouth hanging open slightly.

“What?”

“You want to go big on Christmas when we’re getting married exactly a week later?  Are you actually shitting me?”

Carla snorted and sipped her wine.

“I just think… it’s our first Christmas back together.  The dog’s first Christmas with us.”

Lisa laughed.

“The dog’s first Christmas?”

“Yeah!  She’s important!”

Lisa chucked and shook her head.

“She’s very important.  She’s also kind of ruining our sex life.”

Carla frowned.

“I just can’t perform when there’s a Collie on the bed, Sauce.”

“I mean, we could kick the dog out of the bedroom!” Lisa suggested.

“But… she gets all sad!” Carla protested.  “Anyway, she mostly sleeps with Betsy.”

“Not every night!”

“You have such a high libido, woman.  Every night, indeed.”

Lisa nearly spat her drink out.

“Are you joking right now?  Little Miss Every Night Multiple Times Yes Please?”

Carla smirked over her wine glass.

“I mean, there are other options other than the bed,” she pointed out.

“Pickle, I’m approaching fifty.  I just want to have sex with my wife in my nice, comfortable bed.  On my nice expensive mattress with significant lumbar support, okay?”

Carla frowned.

“Are you telling me that our days of sexual hijinks are over because I don’t think I consented to that,” she said.

Lisa smirked over her own glass.

“I mean, I didn’t say that exactly.  The mood might take me.  Sometimes.  But I also want to take you in bed.  Without the dog.”

“Fine,” Carla said, sighing dramatically.  “We can shut the door.”

“I’m going to the loo,” Lisa told her, standing up.

“Okay,” Carla said, sitting back in her seat.

She jumped when Lisa kicked her under the table.  Lisa looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“I’m going to the loo,” she said more deliberately.

“Oh!” Carla said, catching on.  “I’ll um… yeah.”

She grinned, watching her leave.  She waited a few moments before she followed her.

“Sauce?” Carla called.

She heard the end cubicle unlock.  Lisa all but yanked her inside.  Lisa pushed her against the door, locking the door again behind her.  They kissed urgently.

“The mood’s taken you then?” Carla asked eagerly.

“Apparently so!” Lisa grinned.

Her tongue sought entrance to Carla’s mouth.  It was immediately granted, as her hands slipped under Carla’s t-shirt, cupping her breasts.  She moaned as she felt her nipples harden through her bra.  She lifted her t-shirt, reaching round to unclasp her bra.  She pushed it up to release her breasts, immediately capturing one nipple and then the other with her mouth, sucking hard.

“Fuck…” Carla moaned.  “I love your mouth.  Your lips.  Your tongue.”

“I love your boobs,” Lisa giggled.  “They’re beautiful.  You’re beautiful.  So beautiful.”

She kissed her way down to the waistband of Carla’s jeans so that she was knelt on her knees.  She made short work of pulling her trousers down, finding Carla’s underwear suitably damp.  She eased that off down, kissing her thighs and nudging them apart.

“Well, this is encouraging,” she said, taking a moment to breath in Carla’s arousal.

Carla leant her head back against the door.

“You pretty much ruined me when you yanked me in here!” she admitted.  “I always want you so much, Sauce.”

Lisa smiled, kissing her softly.  Carla felt like every nerve was on fire.  She didn’t think she would last long, as she throbbed from every delicate, gentle touch Lisa was offering.

“Do you know how beautiful you are, Pickle?” Lisa asked, knelt between her legs and ready to worship her.  “I love just looking at you, kissing you, adoring you.”

She had told Carla the same thing many times before but regardless, it still did something to her to hear it.  She could feel herself have a physical reaction.  She could feel Lisa smile against her, lapping at her, enjoying her, teasing her.

Lisa moved closer, tugging one leg out of her trousers and underwear completely, over the shoes, so she could hook one of Carla’s legs over her shoulder.  Carla’s hands found their way into Lisa’s blonde hair, gripping her.  Lisa used her thumbs to aid her tongue’s exploration, teasing, toying, playing.  She could hear Carla’s breathing became more laboured.

Eventually, she latched onto her clit.  Carla cried out loudly, forgetting all about anyone who might have wandered into the public toilets.  She swore.  Shouted Lisa’s name.  Came loudly against Lisa’s mouth.  She pulled her hair, clutching her close.

Lisa remained between her legs, kissing her, licking her clean.  Savouring every joyful moment before she set her leg back down and kissed her way back up to her lips.  She got somewhat distracted with her nipples along the way.

“Please tell me we’re never going to stop misbehaving like this, Sauce?” Carla asked, still breathless.

Lisa smiled, running her hands through Carla’s hair.

“I don’t think we’ll ever stop,” she said.  “I mean, I can’t keep my hands… or mouth… off you, can I?”

They kissed, interrupted by a loud bang on the door.

“Carla and Lisa Swain, I know exactly what you’re up to in there!  Get out of that cubicle now!”

Michelle’s voice barked from the other side of the door.

“Um… can I put my clothes back on first?” Carla asked meekly.

“For goodness’ sake!  Don’t you have a home to go to?”

Carla began to fight with her bra while Lisa attempted to help her with her trousers and pants.

“Well, the thing is… the dog…”

“The dog?” Michelle balked.

“Yeah, she’s always in our room and…”

Dressed, they opened the cubicle door, both looking flushed.  Lisa wiped her mouth.

“The dog?  Really?” Michelle said, hands on her hips.

Lisa cleared her throat.

“Yeah, she… she puts us off.”

“Close the fucking door then!” Michelle bellowed.

Carla and Lisa hung their heads, mumbling apologies.  Michelle merely shook her head.

“Honestly, if you two shag in here one more time…!”

Carla couldn’t help but smirk, revealing she wasn’t quite as sorry as she was claiming to be.  Michelle caught it and let out a laugh.

“Just stop it, okay?  You’re fifty years old!”

“It was her fault this time,” Carla said, pointing at Lisa.

“Hey!” Lisa protested.  “Well, that will be the last time then!”

“Oh!” Carla said, heartbroken.  “I didn’t mean it!  Please don’t say that!”

Lisa merely raised her eyebrows.

“Lise?”

“Make it up to me and I’ll think about it.”

“No, you will not!” Michelle said, back to sounding strict.  “Honestly!  Start behaving yourselves!”

4^th December 2005

Carla and Lisa were lounging in the living room on a Sunday morning, as had become their habit.  Lisa had her nose in The Guardian and Carla was reading a fashion magazine, pretending it was for work.  They had a cafetiere on the coffee table to refill their cups and a plate of biscuits they were happily tucking into.  They were sat at each end of the sofa; legs entwined in the middle.

“What um… what are your plans for Christmas?” Carla ventured, not looking up from her magazine.

Lisa peered over her paper.

“I thought we’d go to my parents,” she said.

She furrowed her brow.

“Did we not talk about this?”

“No.”

Carla put her magazine down.

“Sorry,” Lisa said, putting her paper down.  “Is that not okay?”

“What?  No, that’s… that’s fine.  But…”

“But?”

“But do you… do you want me to come?”

“Of course I want you to come.  Why would I not want you to come?”

“Well, I… I mean, it’s a family day, isn’t it?”

“You are my family,” Lisa replied without hesitation.

Happiness bloomed in Carla’s chest.  She smiled.

“Won’t your parents mind me being there?” she checked.

“My parents love you.  My Mum’s got you a stocking.”

“A stocking?”

“You know.  For little gifts before our main presents.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t tell her I told you.  It was meant to be a surprise.  She’s done it since we were kids but she wanted to include you now too.”

Carla smiled.

“Your Mum’s lovely,” she said.  “That’s kind.  I’ve never had a stocking before.”

Lisa’s heart twinged.  Carla had had a very different life to her.  She reached out and squeezed her hand.

“It is okay?” she checked.  “To go to my parents?  I thought we’d talked about it but maybe I just assumed?  Do you want to go to Michelle’s instead?  We could see my parents on Boxing Day?”

“No, no, it’s fine.  It’s good.  I’d like to go to your parents.  Thank you.  We can see Michelle on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.  I was just…”

“Just?”

Carla sighed, twisting the corner of her magazine.  Lisa put her paper on the floor and then Carla’s magazine. She sat forward and held both of Carla’s hands.

“Pickle?”

“I was just checking you wanted to spend it with me,” Carla said awkwardly.

Lisa’s smile was gentle.

“Of course I want to spend it with you, darling.  I want to spend every Christmas with you.  Every New Year.  Every birthday.  Every day, actually.  I mean, I don’t know about you but I’m in this for keeps.”

Carla smiled.  She kissed Lisa’s knuckles.

“Me too,” she said.  “I know we’re living together and everything.  I just… didn’t want to assume?”

“Like I did!” Lisa joked.

“Didn’t want to crowd you.”

“You never could,” Lisa assured her.  “Honestly, Pickle, I am looking forward to a long and happy life with you.”

Carla beamed at her.

“Me too.”

Next time... Carla and Lisa spend their first Christmas together with Lisa's family...

Chapter Text

24^th December 2005

“What are we drinking?” Michelle asked, as she, Steve, Carla, Lisa, Dee Dee and Paula gathered round a booth in The Rovers.  “Shall I grab us a bottle for the table?”

“Can I just have a Coke or something?” Carla asked.

“Are you feeling okay?” Michelle balked.  “Hey, she’s not knocked you up already, has she?”

Everyone froze.  Carla glared at Michelle.  Lisa glared at Carla.

“Oops,” Michelle said awkwardly.

“I thought we weren’t telling people yet?” Lisa said quietly.

“We weren’t but…”

“I’m not people!” Michelle said brightly.

“You do have a big bloody mouth though!”

“Are you guys having a baby?” Dee Dee asked enthusiastically.

“No!” Lisa hissed.  “We’re… thinking about it.”

Paula rolled her eyes.  She would never bag Carla now, not if she and Lisa were looking so long term.  It had been bad enough when they’d moved in together.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit soon?”

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

“No,” Carla said, putting a protective arm around her girlfriend, wondering how much trouble she would be in when they got home.

“And you all said that when we moved in together and that’s going brilliantly,” Lisa added.

“Sex on tap!” Carla smirked.

“Carla!” Lisa blushed.

Carla smirked at her.  Lisa shook her head, although it was technically true.  She’d never had such an active or satisfying sex life before.

“So, why are you not drinking then, anyway?” Steve asked, trying not to imagine them in bed together.

“Oh, well, I’m driving us over to Lisa’s parents tomorrow,” Carla explained.  “We’re leaving early and I don’t want to be over the limit and…”

“On one glass of wine, dinner and a good night’s sleep?” Dee Dee asked.

“Well, I just thought…  Well, I want a clear head, don’t I?”

“Oh my God, she’s nervous!” Paula realised, teasing in her voice.

“Shut up!  I’m not nervous!”

“Darling, honestly, we don’t have to…” Lisa said softly.

“I want to go to your parents, darling,” Carla assured her.  “I like them.  They’re nice to me.  And your Mum’s made me a stocking.”

“Come and get your Coke, you,” Michelle ordered.

Carla kissed Lisa’s cheek before, grumbling, hauled herself up and followed Michelle to the bar.

“You’re not used to all this, are you?” Michelle remarked, as she sorted the drinks out.

“What do you mean?” Carla asked, her voice a little pitchy.

“Happy family Christmases.”

“I used to latch onto your Christmases all the time.”

“Carla…”

Carla sighed.

“Yeah, okay.  It’s… different.  Lisa’s family are lovely.  They’re kind and inclusive and… lovely.  But they’re really well off and I… don’t fit in.  Do you know they set the table with like… loads of knives and forks and stuff?  I had to Google what they were all for!  Lisa nearly caught me!  If she had, I would have felt like a right dick.  And they… they warm their plates up in the oven before they eat.  They…”

She glanced back at Lisa, her blood running cold when her girlfriend made eye contact, fully aware they were talking about her.

“They’re so nice.  But I’m bloody terrified that it’s… temporary?”

“What do you mean, temporary?”
“Fucking hell, Lisa!” Carla exclaimed, when the blonde appeared beside her.

She shot a glare at Michelle who shrugged.  She wasn’t sorry at all.

“What?  You were clearly talking about me.  What do you mean, temporary?”

“Nothing,” Carla said vaguely, looking down at her hands, which she couldn’t stop twisting together.  “It doesn’t matter.”

Lisa tilted her chin up to look at her.

“It matters.  Darling, I want you to be comfortable.  Happy.  Please?”

“I just get worried that one day one of your parents are going to take me aside and say, Carla, you’re a nice girl but you do know you’re not good enough for our daughter, don’t you?  We’ve entertained this for long enough but can you shove off now so she can meet someone worthy of her?  I mean, obviously they’d say it posher than that.”

Lisa reached out and cupped Carla’s face.

“My parents adore you.  And not in a temporary way, Carla.  In a ‘I hope you’re going to hang onto her because she’s a keeper’ kind of way.”

“Really?” Carla asked, a little startled and rather pleased.

“Really,” Lisa promised, moving closer and wrapping her arms around her.  “They’ve told me they think you’re wonderful.  That you’re the loveliest, funniest, kindest person.  Even my Nan likes you – and she doesn’t like anyone!”

Carla chuckled.

“So… I don’t need to worry?”
“You don’t need to worry.  And if you are worrying, you need to tell me, okay?  I don’t want you stressing by yourself, darling.”

“Okay,” Carla said softly.

She leant in and hugged her, apologising for being silly.

“Not silly.  Just… incorrect,” Lisa said.  “As if my parents don’t love you.  How could they not?  You’re the best!”

29^th November 2025

Carla bent to let Gypsy off the lead.  Barking joyfully, the Collie raced off ahead of them in the park.  Carla put the lead in her pocket and caught hold of Lisa’s hand as they walked.

“You’re so cute with that dog,” Lisa said.

“Am not.  I got her for you and Bets anyway,” Carla denied.  “I’m not even a dog person.”

“Ha!  I could stand here and show you a large amount of evidence that would disprove that.  Photos, videos… all showing you snuggling up to Gypsy a hell of a lot more than you’ve snuggled up to me recently!”

“Oi!” Carla protested.  “I snuggled up to you last night.  And this morning!”

Lisa laughed.

“Well, you started this morning.  Then the dog started whining at the bathroom door and you left me to finish off my shower by myself!”

“Hey, you’d better have only finished washing!” Carla pouted.

Lisa merely raised her eyebrows.

“Sauce!” Carla complained.

“You can’t leave a girl high and dry like that!”

“You weren’t dry!  You were in the shower!”

“No, I wasn’t dry!” Lisa agreed.  “That was the whole problem.  I was soaked and you weren’t there!  You were playing with the dog instead of…”

“The cat?” Carla smirked.

Lisa laughed loudly.

“So… did you?  Finish off?”

“I had to!”

“Sauce!” Carla complained again.

“I told you!  You can’t leave me hanging like that!”

“I left myself hanging too!”

“And that was your decision, Pickle.  I’m not suffering the consequences of your poor choices!”

“Ugh!  Now all I can think about is you getting yourself off in the shower.”

“Is it doing something for you?”

“You know it’s doing something to me,” Carla groaned.

Lisa leant closer and kissed her.

“Maybe I can help you out later,” she whispered.  “When we get home.”

“Oh, yes please!”

Gypsy came racing back to them.  Lisa crouched down to pet her.

“Have you been a busy girl?” she asked.

Carla smiled at the voice Lisa always used with her.

“Do you want your ball?”

Gypsy barked excitedly, jumping in excitement as Lisa pulled the ball out of her pocket.

“Is this your ball?  Is this what you want?”

Gypsy backed up, eager to race after the ball when Lisa threw it.  Lisa tossed the ball a good distance.  Gypsy hurtled after it.  Lisa caught Carla smiling at her.

“What?”

“And you say I’m a sap!”

“You are a sap!”

“That cute little voice you use with her.  Oh my word.  Adorable!”

“Stop it!” Lisa protested.  “It’s not my fault you adopted us the sweetest dog on earth.  Even if she does give me blue balls sometimes.”

Gypsy ran back to her so fast she nearly knocked her over.  She skidded to a stop just in time, proudly placing the slightly soggy tennis ball at her feet.

“Well done, Gypsy,” Lisa said.

Same voice.

“Aren’t you a clever girl?”

Gypsy barked in delight.  Lisa took the ball and threw it again.

“Be quiet, you,” Lisa warned, catching hold of Carla’s hand, as they continued to walk.

25^th December 2005

“Can I help with the dishes, Mrs Swain?” Carla asked when dinner was over.

“No!” Lisa’s Mum said, waving a dismissive hand.  “Don’t be silly.  You’re a guest.  Well, not really anymore.  You’re family.  But still no.  Roll yourselves onto the sofa and relax.”

Carla looked a little unsure.  It was such a different world to what she’d grown up with.  Not that she’d ever had a proper Christmas Dinner with her own family but had she, she would certainly have been made to clear it up.  She’d had to do everything for her Mum and her brother as a child.

“Thanks, Mum,” Lisa said, standing and taking Carla’s hand, leading her to the lounge.

Her sister and sister’s boyfriend, followed, all four of them flopped onto sofas in the large living room.

“Wow, you’ve been promoted to family already,” Lisa’s sister, Claire remarked.  “That took longer with Glenn.  What are you doing so right?”

Carla glanced at Lisa in mild panic.  Lisa put her arm around her.

“Well, she’s perfect, isn’t she?” the blonde said.

There had always been rivalry between Lisa and her sister.

“I’m incredibly lucky.”

“I think they’re just relieved you’ve met anyone!” Claire said sourly.  “All those years you dated absolute losers and barely brought anyone through the door.  Not even when you were with what’s her face?  Mum and Dad hardly even got to know the last one and you were together ages.”

“Really?” Carla said, looking at Lisa.  “I thought you dated for years?”

“Yeah, I just…  It never felt quite right.”

“What didn’t, darling?”

Mrs Swain glided into the room.

“We’re talking about Holly,” Claire explained.

“Oh, her,” Mrs Swain said.  “Never good enough for you.  I knew the moment I met her.  Your Dad did too.”

Carla swallowed anxiously, despite how much Lisa had reassured her.

“No warmth.  Not like you, Carla.  We knew right from day one that you were a keeper.  We said it to you, didn’t we, Lisa?”

“You did.”

“We said, when someone looks at you the way Carla does, you need to keep hold of her because that does not happen for everyone.”

Carla knew she was blushing.  She leant into Lisa, who kissed the top of her head.

“I have no plans to let her go, Mum, don’t worry,” Lisa assured her mother.

29^th November 2025

Lisa fed Gypsy, settling her happily in the kitchen.  She halted Carla, who was about to make them a cup of tea.

“You.  Bedroom.  Now.”

Carla raised her eyebrows, amused.

“She’s occupied.  And you left me wanting this morning,” Lisa told her.

“I thought you…”

Lisa shook her head.

“I was winding you up,” she told her.  “Why on earth would I want to touch myself when I’ve got you to touch me?”

Carla grinned, wrapping her arms around her waist.  She kissed her.

“Come on!  While she’s busy!” Lisa said urgently, dragging her towards the stairs.

Carla did not need asking a second time.

Next time... Carla and Lisa try on their wedding outfits and in 2014, they go on a family holiday...

Chapter Text

1^st December 2025

“You look absolutely gorgeous,” Carla said.

“You sure?” Lisa asked, twirling a little nervously.

They had opted for matching white suits with pink trim and pink ties.  They had collected them and brought them home, trying them on again one more time before they put them away for the wedding.  Carla stepped closer, holding her by the hips and looking into her eyes.

“Absolutely gorgeous,” she confirmed.

She pulled her into her arms, kissing her.  Lisa wrapped her arms around her neck, pulling her closer, deepening the kiss.  She moaned against her lips.  Lisa felt Carla’s hands beginning to wander, slipping inside her suit jacket, running up the length of her back.

“Mmm…” she managed, as Carla’s thumbs found their way round to her chest.  “Oh!  No!  We can’t!”

Carla pulled back, frowning.  Practically pouting.

“The suits!  We can’t besmirch the suits before the wedding!”

“I mean, I wouldn’t call it besmirching but whatever!” Carla said, still pouting.

Lisa chuckled.

“Pickle!  We cannot have sex in our wedding suits.  Our white wedding suits!  Before the wedding!”

“I mean, I did say white was a silly colour when we literally had sex on the first date.  Like, how many times?  Seven?  Eight?”

“Nine.”

Carla snorted.  She leant in and kissed her, loosening and removing her tie in the process.

“Sauce, we’re already married.  The suits aren’t going to mind…”

She kissed her neck, just under her ear.  Lisa groaned.   Carla carefully untucked her shirt, slowly unbuttoning it.

“And you just look so gorgeous,” she brunette continued.  “I might die if I don’t have you.”

She kissed the tip of her nose.

“Right here.”

She kissed both her cheeks.

“Right now.”

She kissed her lips, slipping her tongue in without so much as asking permission.

“Like this.”

Lisa let her head fall back, as Carla kissed her way down her throat.  Her shirt hung open, exposing her new, white bra, bought specifically for the outfit.  She took her time, kissing her chest, her cleavage, nudging her back against the bedroom wall.  Lisa held her breath, as Carla teased her nipples through her bra with her fingers.

“I mean, your body’s not saying no…” she commented with a smirk.

“As if my body ever says no to you, Pickle,” Lisa said.  “That’s been my bloody problem for years!”

Carla chuckled, kissing her way back up to her lips.

“We can get changed if you like,” she offered.  “Or I could give you a preview of our wedding night?”

Lisa closed her eyes, offering nothing but a helpless moan.  Carla kissed her again, her hands still teasing her nipples, treating her bra with more care than she normally would, as she prepared to sink to her knees.

“Wait!” Lisa squeaked.

Carla looked startled.

“I haven’t hoovered in here today!”
“What?”

“Your white suit.  The floor.  The knees.”

“Sauce!  You’re kind of killing the moment!”

Lisa apologised.  Carla obediently removed her trousers and made a show of hanging them up on a hanger and putting them in the wardrobe before she returned to Lisa in the top half of her suit and underwear.  She took her in her arms again.

“Better?” she asked.

“Better,” Lisa breathed.

They kissed.  Lisa closed her eyes, as she felt Carla’s hands roam again.  Her nipples ached, as they strained against the confines of her bra, desperate for attention from her wife.  Carla kissed her way down Lisa’s slim body until she was knelt on the floor, in line with her piercing.  She had always loved her piercing.  Lots of times, Lisa had suggested taking it out.  She was going to be fifty next year.  She had wondered if the piercing was now a little young for her.  But Carla very firmly disagreed.  She had adamantly refused to let her remove it under any circumstance unless death, illness or injury were involved.

Carla continued toying with it.  Lisa continued enjoying it, as she felt Carla undo the button and zip of her trousers, sliding them down.  The brunette looked up at her.

“Do I have to hang these up as well?” she asked.

“Just… carry on!” Lisa said a little breathlessly.

Smirking, Carla encouraged Lisa to step out of the trousers.  She lay them somewhat carefully on the bed and then returned for her underwear, making short work of that so she could settle between her thighs, her happy place.

Lisa moaned loudly as Carla kissed her thighs, working her way up slowly to her warm, wet centre.  She parted her legs a little more, welcoming her eagerly.  Carla reached behind her, clutching her backside and pulling her closer.  She lapped greedily, as if she was starving.  For Lisa, she always was.  Knew she always would be.  She could feel her own clit throbbing at the joy of being permitted to touch.  To taste.  To breathe.

Lisa rested her head back against the wall and closed her eyes.  Stars danced behind her eyelids as she gave into the feel of Carla’s mouth upon her clit.  Without warning, wave after wave of delicious orgasm hit her.  She cried out loudly.  Somewhere behind the door, she heard the dog barking.

Beneath her, Carla enjoyed the way Lisa’s climax crashed messily over her.  She worked hard to clean her up, still teasing her, enjoying her, making her come all over again.

“Fuck!  Carla!” Lisa exclaimed.

She pulled on Carla’s dark hair.  It hurt.  In a good way, spurring her on.  She continued to explore, nuzzling into her.  Her knees ached but she still felt like she could do this for hours.

“Pickle…” Lisa managed.  “This isn’t fair…”

“Why not?” she whispered, kissing her gently.

“Because I’ve had two orgasms and you’ve had none,” Lisa said, her head still swimming from everything Carla had given her.

“Darling, I could come right now just from looking at you,” Carla told her.

Lisa drenched her a little more, turned on by the words alone.  Carla moved in, continuing to kiss her.  She used her thumbs to gently part her lips, allowing her tongue to explore all over again.  She felt Lisa fist her hair again.  Carla smiled against her.

“You’re so amazing, Sauce,” Carla said, circling her entrance with her tongue.  “Fucking delicious.”

She replaced her tongue with her index finger, slipping easily inside.  Lisa threw her head back again, crying out loudly.  Outside, Gypsy barked.  Carla paused.  She’d obviously not heard her the first time.  Lisa looked down.

“If you stop right now…”

“I’m not stopping,” Carla promised.  “Never stopping.”

Without hesitation, she wrapped her tongue, her mouth around Lisa’s clit again, still penetrating her with her finger.  She added her middle finger to her index.

“Fuck… fucking hell…!” Lisa gasped.

Carla felt her tighten around her digits.  Smiled as she came around her, against her open mouth.  She waited for her to settle before gently withdrawing.  She sucked her fingers clean.  She kissed her again.  And again.

She pushed herself up from the floor and crossed over to the bedside table, slipping her underwear off as she went.  Lisa watched with wide eyes, as she casually slipped their harness and favourite strap on up her legs, securing it.  She nodded her head towards the bed.  Smiling almost shyly, Lisa approached.  Carla caught her, pulling her in for a kiss.

She nudged her onto the bed, so that she was on all fours.  Lisa knelt in a familiar position, eager and waiting.  She almost felt nervous.  She giggled when she felt Carla press her lips on her cheek.  Then her other one.

“I’ve always loved your arse, do you know that?” the brunette said.

Lisa peered round behind her.

“Just as long as you don’t go getting any ideas!” she remarked.

Carla laughed loudly, promising she wouldn’t.  She reached forward, finding Lisa’s clit with practised eased.  Lisa gasped, her legs nearly collapsing under her.  Carla’s other arm held her in place.  Lisa mumbled her nickname, as she felt her wife’s fingers tease her entrance.  She permitted her eagerly.  Missed her when she withdrew but smiled when she felt Carla line herself up behind her, pressing the tip of the dildo against her.

“Okay?” Carla asked.

“Very okay,” Lisa breathed.

She was resting on her elbows, back straight and pointing up towards Carla, who happily pushed inside her.  She gripped her hips, pressing their bodies tightly together.  Lisa moaned loudly.  Lewdly.  Carla penetrated her gently at first.  Lisa thrust back against her, as they built a rhythm together.

Lisa cried out when she felt Carla’s finger find her clit, adding to the stimulation.

“Carla!” Lisa cried.  “Pickle!  I…  Wow.  Fuck…”

“Making you come is my favourite thing to do in the whole world,” Carla told her.

The penetration became more hurried, urgent, almost frenzied.  More audible.  Once upon a time, Lisa would have been embarrassed.  Now, it made her feel wanton.  Desperate.

“You’re the sexiest woman that’s ever lived,” Carla told her.  “Do you know that?”

Lisa came hard.  She didn’t know if it was the strap on, the finger on her clit or Carla’s words but she was done.  Completely unravelled.  She suspected it was a combination of all of those things.

She collapsed, face first on the bed.  Carla withdrew from her, discarding the strap on and coming to lie on the bed beside her wife.  Lisa managed to turn onto her side, snuggling up to her.  Carla wrapped her arms around her, kissing her softly on the mouth.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you too,” Lisa replied.  “So much.  And not just because you’re an absolute wildcat in bed.  I promise.”

Carla chuckled, a blush in a cheeks.  Lisa kissed her.

“I am so bloody lucky, Pickle.”

“Because I’m a wildcat in bed?” Carla joked.

“Because I get to marry you – twice,” Lisa said.  “Once was a gift.  Twice is an absolute honour.  I still have to pinch myself sometimes, even after all this years that someone as beautiful, as incredible, as clever, as kind, as perfect as you… loves me.”

“Are you joking?” Carla asked, gazing at her.

Lisa shook her head, maintaining eye contact.

“I’ve spent twenty years wondering how I got so lucky that you looked at me once, let alone twice,” Carla said.  “You with your posh family, good education…  I survived on my wits all my life.”

“Pickle…”

“Until I met you, Sauce.  Then everything changed because you… you gave me a home.  A family.  You gave me everything I ever dreamed of,” Carla told her, tears threatening.

“Well, you gave me that too, Pickle,” Lisa replied.  “I know we started out differently but we were still looking for the same thing, weren’t we?  Love.  Connection.  Family.  Stability.  Happiness.  And look at what we’ve got.  Look what we’ve built.”

Tears were also threatening to overwhelm her.

“Hey, do you think we’re ruining our vows here?” she joked.

Carla laughed.  She leant in and kissed her.

“You’re getting soppy because you came too many times!” she accused playfully.

“Me?  Look at the state of you,” Lisa shot back with a grin.  “All tearful and full of love and tenderness.”

Carla held her closer.  She kissed her again.

“Yeah,” she said.  “I am.”

6^th December 2025

“Did you have to bring the bloody dog?” Claire asked, glaring at Gypsy, who hid behind Betsy.

“Mum said we could,” Lisa said, striding past her and into the house.  “She’s still adjusting to being with us.  We don’t really like leaving her by herself too long.”

“Oh, it’s my girls!” Elizabeth Swain, now well into her seventies cooed, hurrying up to Lisa and hugging her.

“Hi, Mum.”

Betsy hugged her Nan and introduced her to Gypsy.

“I’ve bought an extra chicken breast for her so she can have her own little roast dinner too,” Elizabeth said.

Lisa thanked her.  It was just the kind of thoughtful thing her Mum would do.

“Are you going to come for a hug or do I have to chase you round the house?” Elizabeth asked Carla, who stepped forward a little shyly and hugged her mother in law.

She had seen Elizabeth and Brian on and off during the time she and Lisa had been separated.  They had told her in no uncertain terms that she would always be part of their family.  However, she had felt awkward, painfully aware that she had broken their daughter’s heart.  Plus, Claire had never liked her.  And she’d become even more bitter about it when she and her husband, Glenn had divorced.

“It’s lovely to see you again,” she said.  “Properly.  Back together with Lisa again.”

“It’s nice to be back.  Together.”

She caught Claire rolling her eyes.

“Do you need any help in the kitchen?” she asked politely.

“Oh!  Yes, please!  Brian’s being a right nuisance.  If you lot can distract him with the dog or something, then Carla and I crack on in the kitchen.”

“Great!” Lisa said brightly.  “We’ve all got our jobs then!”

She leant over and kissed Carla gently on the lips.

“I love you,” she said softly.

“I love you too,” Carla whispered.

5^th August 2014

They had arrived at Center Parcs in Elveden Forrest the day before, after more than a four hour journey.  Everyone had been tired and a little grumpy when they had arrived, especially arriving to a long queue to even get into the place before they’d been allowed to drive up to their cabin, dump their things inside and then go and re-park the car.

But they were settled now and happy.  They’d brought a big shop with them, including logs for the fire (which technically they’d been told they had to purchase on site) and their own charcoal for the barbeque.  They were looking forward to five days of swimming and activities for themselves and Betsy.  Plus Michelle and Steve had come to stay in the cabin next door and promised to take Betsy off to do things too so that Carla and Lisa could do the odd thing by themselves.

This morning, the cabin was chaos.  Betsy had made a mess everywhere.  Carla was deeply regretting being so generous with how many toys she’d let her bring, particularly with the choice of Lego, having stepped on a piece in bare feet.  She’d abandoned her breakfast – twice.  Toast and cereal were both discarded at the table, claiming she was too excited about the day ahead to be able to eat anything.  Apart from the chocolate biscuits she’d found in the fridge when Carla and Lisa had been getting ready.

“Right!” Carla said brightly.  “Are we going swimming or what?”

“Yay!” Betsy said, jumping up, blonde hair flying everywhere.

“Ready then kids?” Lisa asked, grabbing the swimming bags.

“I’m not a kid!” Carla protested.

“No, you are not!” Lisa agreed, slapping her bottom.

Carla giggled, pulling her in for a kiss.

“Ew!” their six year old daughter protested.  “That’s gross.”

“Trust me,” Carla said.  “When you’re older and you find someone really pretty that you like, you won’t think it’s gross.”

Betsy eyed her quizzically.  She clearly wasn’t convinced.  However, she stood and nodded, ready for the day ahead.

“I said we’d knock for Michelle and Steve on our way,” Lisa said.  “I assumed we’d be later than them.”

“Good plan,” Carla said, following Betsy to the door.

6^th December 2025

Everyone was sat round the dinner table.  Gypsy was happily tucking into her chicken and gravy in the special dog bowl that Elizabeth had bought for her, to keep at the house.

“Well, this is lovely,” Brian said.  “All of us properly back together.  And with a wedding to look forward to as well.”

“It’s not a wedding, Dad,” Claire said.  “It’s a vow renewal.  I don’t know why they’re making such a big deal out of it.”

“Well, we’re treating it as a kind of wedding,” Carla explained.  “You know, to celebrate being properly back together.”

Claire rolled her eyes yet again.  Lisa glared at her.

“Well, we’re very excited, aren’t we, Brian?” Elizabeth said.  “I’ve got my mother of the brides outfit all sorted.”

Brian nodded enthusiastically.  Carla smiled at the use of the plural.

“And we hear that you’re helping to make some of the outfits, Betsy?” Elizabeth said.

“Oh, just… parts of them,” Betsy said.  “Like, additions to them.  Frills and flourishes and stuff.  Mum’s helping me.”

“She’s been incredible.  She’s so talented.”

“I’m going to start doing some work at Mum’s factory next year,” Betsy told them.  “Really get some experience as a machinist.  Practice my designing.”

“I might even let in on some pitches.  Get a feel for the business,” Carla said.

“That’ll be amazing for you, Betsy!” Elizabeth said.

“We’re very proud of you, Bets,” Lisa said, smiling at her daughter.  “You’re going to go far in your life.”

Betsy beamed at both her parents and her grandparents.  Claire glanced at her son, barely paying attention, not eating, nose stuck in his phone.  She kicked him under the table.

“Ow!” he complained.

“Luke, put your phone down, eat properly and pay attention to what’s going on around you!”

The fifteen year old glared at his mother but shoved his phone in his pocket and picked up his knife in order to adequately cut his potatoes.

“So, what are you planning to study at University?” Brian asked.  “Your Mums have told me but I can’t remember.”

“Fashion Management,” Betsy said.  “So it covers all the practical stuff but also includes the business side.  My Mums have both made it very clear that I need to know all that bit too.”

“You do!” Carla and Lisa both said in unison.

“Well, if Carla’s anything to go by, it’s a good idea,” Elizabeth said.  “I mean, you might take the reins from her one day, might you?”

“Oh my God!” Claire burst out.  “Are you turning her into a saint or something?  I mean, what the hell is going on here?”

Her parents looked blank.  Carla felt incredibly uncomfortable.  Lisa found her hand under the table.

“This woman walked out on Lisa.  Abandoned her for what?  Eight years?  Just pissed off.  Dated loads of other women by all accounts.  Left Lisa hanging, longing to get back together.  Gave her just enough hope to hang herself.  And then one day she just waltzes back in as if no time has passed and we all just welcome her back like nothing has happened?  Are you all insane?”

“That’s not what happened,” Lisa said.

“Of course it is!”

“Claire, you have nothing to do with me or my life.  We see each other, reluctantly, when we meet here for dinner.  You’re bitter as hell because your husband got sick of you nagging him and criticising him like you do with everyone else in your life.  Mum and Dad.  Me.  Carla.  Your own son.”

Luke looked rather pleased to be validated.

“We have nothing to do with each other.  You have no idea what happened between Carla and me.  Everyone who knows, has been happy for us.”

“We are happy for you,” Elizabeth said softly.  “Both of you.  We were devasted when you split up but we still loved you both.  Always wanted the best for you.  And the fact that you stayed friends, still clearly cared so deeply for each other…  We always hoped…”

“So did I,” Carla and Lisa replied in unison.

Next time... Lisa and Claire fall out and back in 2005, she and Carla celebrate a year together... 

Chapter Text

6^th December 2025

The rest of dinner was somewhat tense.  Claire and Lisa had kept glaring at each other.  Elizabeth and Brian kept trying to turn everything into a positive.  Betsy and Luke talked amongst themselves.  Carla had stayed quiet for the rest of the meal.

Between the main meal and dessert, she excused herself to the bathroom.  Concerned, Lisa followed her.  She caught her, just before she locked the door to the downstairs loo.

“Hey,” she said softly.  “You okay?”

Carla shrugged.

“Yeah, fine.  Just… need a wee.  Drank a load of water.  Think I oversalted the potatoes.”

“You never oversalt anything.”

Carla chewed her lip thoughtfully.

“Should I go home?  Or go and walk Gypsy and come back for you?  Give you a bit of space?” she asked.

Lisa frowned.

“What?  No!  Absolutely not.”

“Claire doesn’t want me here.”
“It’s not Claire’s house!”

“It’s her family home.  And she doesn’t like me.  I mean, to be fair, she’s never liked me.  But she really doesn’t like me now.”

“Claire doesn’t like anyone,” Lisa said.  “But this is my parents’ house.  They love you.  They want you here, Pickle.  I want you here.”

Carla sighed.

“I just… feel uncomfortable.”

“Then let’s go home, okay?  All of us.  We’ll go to Pizza Hut on the way back and get that Cooke Dough thing that you love.”

Carla grinned, gazing lovingly at her wife.

“I’m not dragging you away from your parents just because I…”

“You’re not dragging me anywhere,” Lisa said.

She leant in and kissed her.

“Have your wee,” she instructed.  “I’ll get us packed up.”

Carla smiled gratefully, stealing one more kiss.  Lisa walked back through the hallway and lounge and into the kitchen.

“Everything alright?” Elizabeth asked.

“Actually, Mum, I’m really sorry, we’re going to head off,” Lisa said awkwardly.

Her mother’s face fell.

“Oh.  Why?”

“Someone has made Carla feel a bit uncomfortable.”

She glared at her sister who glared right back.

“Oh, love,” Brian said.  “We love Carla.  We don’t want her to feel uncomfortable here.”

“I know.  It’s not you.  It’s really not you.  I promise.  She adores you both.”

“And we adore her,” Elizabeth assured her.

“It’s just been a bit much today.  So, we’re going to get off.  But we’ll see you soon, okay?  Come on, Bets.  Come on, Gypsy.”

She hugged Luke, promising to catch up with him soon.  Her parents walked them to the door, helping her gather their things, most of which was for the dog.  Carla was waiting by the front door, ready to clip Gypsy’s lead on.  Lisa’s parents hugged them all goodbye.  Claire remained in the kitchen with Luke.

“Why do you always do that?” he asked his Mum.

“What?” she snapped.

“Chase everyone away?”

31^st December 2005

“One whole year together, eh?” Carla said, wrapping her arms around Lisa’s waist.

They were at Michelle and Steve’s New Year Party, the place they’d met a year ago.  Lisa beamed at Carla.  She’d had a long shift at work.  For a few moments there, she’d wondered if she was going to make it to the party at all but truly, nothing was going to stop her from celebrating tonight with the woman she was so deeply in love with.

“One whole year,” she said.  “And what a year it’s been.”

“Already moved in together,” Carla said.

“We went on that amazing holiday,” Lisa listed.

“Oh yeah!  That was a good holiday!  I never knew you were so badly behaved!”

“Oh yes you did!” Lisa laughed.

Carla smiled somewhat lustily at her.  She leant in and kissed her.

“You’re right.  I did.  From that very first time.  Right up against my flat door.”

Lisa felt a swooping feeling in her tummy at the memory.  One year ago tonight since the first moment they’d kissed.  Since the first moment they’d slept together.  It had been the most wonderful year of her life and she could only imagine every year building on top of the last.

“Fancy a repeat of that at home tonight?” she suggested.

“Mmm… oh, yes please,” Carla said.

1^st January 2006

Carla and Lisa arrived back at their flat in the early hours of the morning.  They hurriedly closed the front door, flicking the lock before Lisa pressed Carla urgently up against it.

“So um… you want a repeat of a year ago, do you?” she asked, a little breathless.

“Can I?” she asked, her eyes lighting up.

Lisa kissed her, her tongue seeking permission to play.  Carla welcomed her eagerly, closing her eyes as she melted into the moment.  She felt Lisa’s hands wandering over her chest, her tummy, her hips.

Lisa sank onto her knees.  She removed Carla’s boots.  Her socks.  Took her jeans down and off.  Her underwear came with it.  She kissed her way up her calves and thighs, nudging her legs wider away.

“I am the luckiest woman alive,” she declared.

She took hold of her hips before eagerly devouring her.  Carla rested against the door, eyes closed, gasping, as Lisa’s lips and tongue worked relentlessly.  Lisa explored her in detailed.  Teasing.  Playing.  Taking her time.  Every time Carla managed to tell her she was close, Lisa frustratingly pulled back, switching the pressure, calming things down.

“Lisa!” she eventually cried in desperation.  “How long are you going to tease me for?”

Lisa looked up at her with wide, dark eyes.

“How long can you cope?” she asked.

“Not long!” Carla giggled.  “You’re driving me crazy!”

Lisa ran her tongue all the way through her slick, wet folds, moaning at how delicious she tasted.

“You’re driving me pretty crazy too, you know,” she told her.  “I’ve never wanted someone like I want you.”

Carla managed something unintelligible.  Lisa began peppering gentle kisses over her swollen clit.

“You’re so pretty,” she said between kisses.  “Do you know that?  So, so pretty.”

“Sauce…” Carla managed.  “I feel like I’m going to explode.”

Lisa smiled.

“I hope you are!” she said.  “That’s the plan.”

She moved one hand so she could run her finger through her, opening her gently.  She slipped her index finger gently, easily inside.  Carla all but screamed.  Lisa watched her intently.  She added another finger.

“Fucking hell…”

Lisa returned her mouth to Carla’s clit, plying the bundle of nerves with all her attention.  Carla came hard and fast.  Lisa lapped just as fast, not wanting to miss a moment of the flood between Carla’s legs.  She could feel the way Carla’s walls had tensed around her fingers.  Everything about Carla’s orgasm felt amazing – for both of them.

“Wow!” Carla eventually breathed.

Lisa continued to kiss and lick.  She slowly withdrew her fingers, wiping them discreetly on her jeans before hauling herself to her feet and kissing Carla’s lips.

“As good as a year ago?” she asked.

“Actually better,” Carla breathed.  “And I genuinely never thought it could be!”

Lisa beamed proudly.

“You are so amazing, DC Saucepot.  I am so bloody lucky.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m the lucky one, Pickle,” Lisa told her.

“Well, I fully intend to make you feel lucky right now,” Carla told her, leaving her jeans, underwear, socks and boots discarded by the front door and dragging Lisa into the bedroom.

13^th December 2025

Town was busy but Carla and Lisa had powered through.  They’d finished getting all the last little bits for both Christmas and the wedding and they were feeling pretty pleased with themselves for being so organised.  They had a big shop booked for the following week, ahead of Christmas Day and had invited Michelle, Steve, Dee Dee and Jared over to spent it with them and Betsy, as well as Lisa’s parents, sister and nephew.  However, Lisa was seriously considering uninviting Claire.

Now, they were holed up in a lesbian coffee shop they had been frequenting for the best part of twenty years, seeking solace from the hustle and bustle of shoppers.  Tucked away in a corner, they sipped lattes and waited for their paninis to arrive.

“Not to get smug or anything but I think we’re bossing this Christmas and wedding stuff,” Carla said.

“I mean, if there’s one sure fire way for it all to go tits up…” Lisa said, rolling her eyes.

“Aww… come on, DI Saucepot,” Carla teased.  “We’ve got everything in place for the wedding.  Christmas is on track.  We’re completing our little pre-Christmas coffee tradition…”

Lisa managed a smile.  Even in the years they’d been apart, they still met for a coffee, panini and little cake in this particular café ahead of Christmas.

“Everything’s going well, isn’t it?”

Lisa leant against her on the comfy sofa.

“Yeah, she admitted.  “Everything’s going well.”

“Oh, fancy seeing you here.”

They looked up to see Leanne standing in front of them.

“What did I fucking tell you?” Lisa scolded, elbowing Carla.

“Ow!” Carla frowned, rubbing her side.

“Back together, are we?  I thought I heard something about that.”

“Yes, we’re back together,” Carla said, holding onto Lisa’s hand.

“Please don’t throw anything on me,” Lisa said, rolling her eyes.  “The drinks are hot in here.”

“Why would I?  I’m actually in my own lesbian relationship now.”

“Congratulations,” Lisa said sarcastically.

“And the woman I’m with isn’t completely fucked up and damaged like her,” Leanne said nastily.

Carla swallowed and looked down at her latte.

“Just because Carla didn’t want you, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with her,” Lisa replied without hesitation.  “Quite the opposite, in fact.”

“I mean, she did want me.  Let’s not forget that, eh?  A few times in fact.  On a table.  In bed.  And she’ll want someone else again.  A few times.  A few people.  Don’t sit there thinking you’re going to get a happy ever after with someone like her.”

A dark haired woman, who didn’t look dissimilar to Carla approached.  Leanne made a show of kissing her before linking arms with her and walking out of the café.

“What a lunatic,” Lisa said.

“Yeah,” Carla agreed softly, a lump aching in her throat.

Next time... Carla makes a big decision...

Chapter Text

23^rd December 2025

Carla woke with Lisa curled into her side and the dog stretched out across the end of the bed.  She smiled.  Looking over at Lisa, who was still sleeping so peacefully, she felt a deep sense of love and gratitude.  Lisa had been her rock for as long as she could remember.  More than twenty years now.  She had made her feel like a better person.  She had taken care of her every time she was low.  She had loved her so completely, even when she didn’t deserve it.

“I can hear you, you know,” Lisa mumbled sleepily.

“I didn’t even say anything!” Carla protested.

“I could feel you watching me.  Hear what you were thinking.”

“And what was I thinking?” Carla asked.

Lisa stretched, squeaking when she nearly kicked Gypsy off the bed.

“Hmm…  I think it was something sweet and sentimental,” she decided, accepting Gypsy coming to join their embrace.

Carla blushed.  Caught out.

“Oh, it was!” Lisa teased.

“I was thinking that you’ve been my rock for twenty one years.  Made everything better.  Loved me even when I didn’t deserve it.”

“You always deserved it,” Lisa said softly, leaning in to kiss her.  “You’re my soulmate.”

At work, Carla felt distracted, which wasn’t incredibly helpful as the factory was due to shut down for the Christmas period at the end of the day.  She always liked to give her staff Christmas Eve off as well to spend with their families or finish getting all their prep done.  Then she was going to be off for three weeks, to have Christmas and re-commit to Lisa in front of their family and friends.

However, Leanne’s words and even the words of the woman in the toilets, previously, were weighing heavily on her.  Not to mention Lisa’s sister.  Lisa had noticed she wasn’t quite herself but she couldn’t tell her why. She couldn’t make her have the same conversation over and over about her fears.

So, she was stuck with them, all by herself.  And that was a very difficult place to be.

“Hey, darling,” she greeted with automatic warmth when she answered the phone to Lisa.

“Hi,” Lisa replied.

It sounded like she was on hands free in the car.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’ve just finished with a witness and then I realised it was lunch time so I thought I’d see if you were up for me bringing something over to you.  I know we – and by that, I mean you – didn’t get the chance to sort lunch today.”

Carla smiled.

“That would be lovely.  I hadn’t even realised the time myself.  See you in a bit?”

“Fifteen minutes?”

True to her word, Lisa arrived with two paper bags and two coffees balanced in her hands, fifteen minutes later.  Carla happily shut her laptop so she could stand up and greet her wife.  She took some of the things off her and they sat down in the comfy seats.

“One bag is freshly made sandwiches and the other is a couple of sweet treats,” she said.  “I went to that little deli we like.”

“Oh!  You’re a sweet treat, do you know that?”

“Flattery will get you everywhere!” Lisa joked.

She leant in, stealing a kiss.  The truth was, she was worried about Carla.  There was something wrong and she couldn’t get her to talk about it.  She suspected it was related to bumping into Leanne a couple of weeks before.  That’s when Carla’s change in mood seemed to have kicked in.

“I hope you don’t say that to all the girls,” Carla teased.

“I only have eyes for you, Pickle.  You know that.”

Carla smiled at her.  Lisa’s heart sank at the way it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“So, what have we got?” Carla asked.

“Cheese and pickle, obviously.”

“Obviously!” Carla laughed.  “Although, does that make me a cannibal?”

Lisa giggled.

“I don’t know but as ever, I’m very happy eating you,” she told her.

Carla nearly choked on her sandwich.

“Sauce!  Stop misbehaving!”

“Why on earth would I do that?

Half an hour, some food and a lot of kissing later, Lisa dragged herself out of the factory and back into her car. She had been given a shiny new car via work, which she loved.  It was massive.  Which Carla and Betsy had found amusing, as they constantly teased her for being small.  She couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to test out the backseats with Carla one day.

She still wasn’t sure if Carla was truly okay or not.  She was saying and doing the right things.  Her lips were currently tingling as proof that.  It wasn’t that she was pulling away.  It was just that she was quiet, reflective, didn’t seem to want to communicate on the deeper level they always had.

Sighing, she decided she would bite the bullet tonight.  Drag it out of Carla if she had to.  They were planning a big, family Christmas – with Lisa’s parents, sister and nephew, Michelle, Steve and Ryan and Dee Dee and her new boyfriend, Jared.  They had hired a big table to accommodate everyone and currently, more food sat in their fridge, freezer and cupboards than the entirety of Tesco.

“Right, everyone!  Thank you so much for working so hard this week and last to get that order completed.  It’s all packed and ready to go.  Thank you for all your hard work all year.  I’m honestly grateful.  It’s 4:30pm.  Off you go to enjoy Christmas.”

She listened to the murmur of chat amongst her staff, happily wishing each other and her Merry Christmas.  Carla waited for them all to leave before heading into her office.  The delivery was only ten minutes away so she just had to wait for confirmation and her driver to come back to the factory before she could close up and head home.

She pictured Christmas with all their family and friends.  Being so proud to be back together with Lisa.  She pictured how gorgeous Lisa was going to look on their wedding day in her suit.  She felt incredibly lucky to have her.  But more than that, she didn’t feel like she deserved her.  Tears pricked her eyes, as they had done every day for the last two weeks.  In a rush, she realised what she needed to do.

Lisa arrived home from work.  She was exhausted but was grateful to only have one day left before she had three weeks off to enjoy Christmas and her vow renewal to Carla.  Then they were heading back down to Cornwall to celebrate their wedding, just like they had done so many years ago.

She was greeted by Gypsy, as always, who came bounding up to her, in desperate need of attention.  She immediately found it strange.  The house was so quiet.  It was late.  Carla should be home by now. Underworld was long closed.  Lisa had had to stay late to finish some paperwork on a domestic abuse case.  She hadn’t wanted to risk leaving it in case something else happened, as the guy had decided he didn’t want to pursue anything.

“Hello?” she called, kicking her shoes off and hanging up her coat.  “Anybody home?”

She remembered that Betsy had said she was going to the cinema with a friend and would probably stay over at her house.

“Pickle?” she called, confident that nobody would be around to hear the secret nickname.

She wandered through the lounge and back out.  Then she headed into the kitchen.  All the while, she was escorted by Gypsy.  She was puzzled to find the entire downstairs empty.

She was about to pull out her phone and call Carla when she saw the note:

Darling DI Saucepot,

I’m so sorry to let you down for the millionth time.  But I can’t do this.

I’m just not good enough for you.  You deserve better.

Please forgive me.

Pickle x

Next time... in 2017, Lisa tells her parents about the breakdown of her marriage and in present day, Lisa desperately tries to find Carla...

Chapter Text

18^th February 2017

Lisa sent nine year old Betsy ahead to ring the doorbell.  She followed slowly behind, feeling like all her energy had drained away overnight.  After spending one more night together, Carla had packed her things and moved out of the house.  She was staying with Michelle and Steve.  Lisa only hoped the split was temporary.

“Hello, darling!” Elizabeth greeted, happy but surprised to see her daughter and granddaughter on Saturday morning.

Gathering Betsy into her arms, she looked at Lisa.

“What’s happened?” she asked.

23^rd December 2025

Lisa phoned Carla immediately, her heart pounding in her chest.  The phone rang out.  She tried again.  And again.  And Again.  Then she called Michelle.

“Is she with you?” she demanded before her friend had even had a chance to say hello.

“What?  Who?”

“Carla!”

“No.  Why?”

Lisa let out a breath, sinking onto the floor.  She lost her fight with her tears.

“I think she’s left me.”

18^th February 2017

Lisa’s Dad had busied himself with playing with Betsy, not that it was a hardship.  He loved spending time with her.  Sat beside him, she showed off her reading skills, while Lisa and Elizabeth sat at the kitchen table with cups of tea.

“What’s happened?” Elizabeth asked again, worry etched on her face.

“Carla and I have split up,” Lisa said.

“What?”

Her mother couldn’t hide her shock.

“Why?  When?”

“On Valentine’s Day, if you please.  She told me she was leaving me.”

Elizabeth sighed.

“Is this because of your working hours?” she asked.

Lisa sat up, glaring at her Mum.

“Of course you’d blame me!” she snapped.  “Nothing’s ever Carla’s fault, is it?”

Elizabeth put a gentle hand on Lisa’s arm to calm her.  Her expression was kind.

“I’m not criticising you,” she assured her.  “I’m just aware that you’ve been working very hard since you were promoted.  Keeping long hours.  I couldn’t think of another reason you could possibly split up.  You’re made for each other.”

Lisa sighed, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I wish she felt like that,” she said sadly.

She sipped her tea.

“But yeah, it’s because of my hours.  She said I always let her down and she feels like she’s the only one in our marriage, the only one raising Betsy.”

“Well, that’s not fair.  You work hard.  Of course, you do.  But you love Carla and you love Betsy.  You’d do anything for them.”

“It’s obviously not enough.  I’m obviously not enough.”

“I’m sure this will pass, Lisa,” Elizabeth said.  “You’re soulmates.  You belong together.  She’ll go away for a few days, get her head together and then realise that she can’t live without you.  I’m sure of it.”

23^rd December 2025

“What do you mean, she’s left you?” Michelle barked.

Lisa read her the note.

“Fuck,” was the response.  “Why is she so stupid?  I’m actually going to kill her.”

Lisa managed a half laugh.  She leant against the counter she’d sunk against.

“What am I going to do?” she asked.  “She won’t pick up the phone.  What am I meant to tell Betsy?  It’s two days before Christmas.  We’re meant to be getting married in a week and a half.  Everything’s ready.  Happy. Sorted.  And she’s just… gone.”

“She’ll be back,” Michelle said confidently.

“You sound like my Mum when she left me the first time.  Look how that turned out.”

“Let me call her,” Michelle said.  “She might pick up the phone to me.  I’ll talk to her.  I promise.”

“Why doesn’t she love me enough, Chelle?” Lisa asked, full of grief.

15^th February 2017

“We were expecting you last night, not this morning,” Michelle remarked.

Carla had phoned her while she’d waited for Lisa to come home.  She’d made up her mind and then phoned her best friend to ask if she would let her stay for a few days.

“We were… saying goodbye,” Carla said sadly.  “But… it’s done now.  Finished.”

“I think you’re fucking crazy,” Michelle said bluntly, pulling her tearful friend into a hug.

“You don’t know what it’s been like, Chelle,” Carla said, face buried against her shoulder.

“But I do know how much you love each other.  You belong together, Carla.  Why are you just giving up?”

23^rd December 2025

Carla had swiped a bottle of vodka on her way out.  She hadn’t been able to stop crying since she’d left.  She pictured Lisa reading the note, how hurt and let down she would feel.  She hated herself for it.  But now she was half a bottle of vodka down, standing on the edge of a busy road.  Everyone was driving home from work, perhaps, or making early Christmas journeys.  She braced herself on the edge of the pavement.  She needed this to look like an accident.  Then Lisa would be free of her for good.  No more going back.  No more messing around.  It had to be over for good now.

She paused when her phone rang, again.  But this time, it was Michelle, not Lisa.  Had Lisa called her?  Told her what she’d done?  It wasn’t uncommon for Michelle to call her at any time of day.  She thought suddenly about not getting to say goodbye to her best friend.  The friend whose family had taken her in and loved her, to the point that she had changed her own surname to be part of their family.  To shed herself of her own damaged upbringing.

She wondered if perhaps this was where it had all started.  Perhaps she was always destined to screw everything up for herself and everyone around her.  Her Mum.  Her stepdad.  The way they had neglected and battered them.  Then rejected her for being gay and thrown her out.  Left her to her relationship with a completely inappropriate woman, preying on a teenager.  She always denied it to Lisa but she knew what it was.

No wonder she hadn’t been able to be a good wife.  A good Mum.  A good person.  She’d left a note for Betsy in her bedroom.  A note for Lisa in the kitchen.  But she hadn’t said goodbye to Michelle.  Michelle, who was ringing again.  She answered.

6^th August 2014

The holiday was going well so far.  Carla and Lisa were enjoying seeing Betsy having so much fun.  They had been swimming every day.  They’d found time to go and play pool and table tennis and have a go on a pedalo round the lake, while Michelle and Steve were looking after Betsy.  They’d had barbeques as a group most evenings and the weather had been lovely.

“Water is hot and bubbling and I’ve got two glasses of wine at the side.”

They had booked a lodge with a jacuzzi bath.  With Michelle, Steve and Ryan back in their lodge and Betsy in bed, the couple were looking forward to some quality time together.

Carla beamed at Lisa, who was dressed only in a robe.  She hoped there would be nothing underneath when she took it off.

“Lodge is all locked up, Betsy’s asleep,” she said.  “I am all yours”

Lisa beamed at her, leading the way into the bathroom.  She slipped her robe off, revealing that she did indeed have nothing on underneath.  Carla closed the door and stripped off her clothes.  She smiled as she noticed Lisa had put a robe up on the hook on the door for her when they got out.

She watched Lisa step into the tub.  She turned and offered her hand to help Carla in.  They both sank under the water, meeting in the middle of the large, round bath.  They kissed.

“I think I might have found my favourite part of the holiday,” Carla murmured, pulling Lisa in closer.

23^rd December 2025

“Hi,” Carla said quietly.

“Carla!” Michelle shrieked.  “What the fuck are you playing at?  Lisa’s in bits.”

“She’ll get over it.  She’s better off without me.”

She continued to stand at the edge of the busy road.

“Where even are you?  You sound like you’re in the middle of traffic.  And no, she won’t get over it.  You split up for what, eight years?  You could barely stay away from each other.  You never stopped loving each other.  She’s not just going to get over it.”

Carla swallowed.

“I know.  It’ll be different this time.”

“What do you mean?  Are you moving away or something?  Carla, what’s going on?”

“Yeah,” Carla said.  “I’m leaving.”

“You’re slurring,” Michelle said.  “How much have you had to drink?  Where are you?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Carla said tearfully.  “I only answered the phone so I got to say goodbye to you.  I couldn’t go without saying goodbye.”

“Carla, you’re really starting to worry me,” Michelle said anxiously.  “Where are you?  Let me come and get you.  We can sit down and talk this through properly.”

“I can’t,” Carla said.  “I’ve got to go.”

She hung up.

Next time... can Carla get the help she needs...?

Chapter Text

23^rd December 2025

Lisa answered her phone immediately.

“Carla?”

“No.  It’s er… DC Green.  Sorry to bug you when you’re off duty and I know you’re on leave from tomorrow but there’s a bit of an incident up on the main road.  We’ve got two PC’s heading there now but they’ve requested someone more senior.  And apparently I’m not sympathetic enough.”

“What kind of incident?” Lisa asked.

She wasn’t sure she was in a sympathetic space either.  She just wanted to get hold of Carla and bring her home.

“Some woman playing with the traffic,” Kit told her.  “Well, unless you lot can stop her.”

“I’m off duty.  I’m on leave.  And I’ve kind of got a situation of my own going on.  Is there nobody else?”

She felt awful, trying to ditch someone in need.  But she needed Carla.

“They just told me to ask for you.  Said you’ve got experience with this sort of thing.”

She sighed.

“Okay, I’m on my way,” she said.  “Send me the location.”

“Look, I’ve called for help, okay?” said the young man who had stopped on the bridge, after nearly hitting Carla with his car.  He’d managed to swerve onto the hard shoulder, to the sound of angry horns.

He had already called 999.

“But you really don’t have to do this.”

“You’ve got no idea,” she said tiredly.  “Why couldn’t you have just hit me like I wanted you to?”

She glanced up as a squad car pulled up.  Two PC’s she didn’t recognise stepped out.

“She was stepping into the traffic.  I nearly hit her.  About fifteen minutes ago,” the young man said.  “I stopped and called you lot.  We’ve been talking since but…”

“What’s your name?” the female PC asked her, approaching with caution.

“Does it matter?”

“Of course it does.  I’d like to know who I’m speaking to,” she said.  “My name’s Jess.”

“Hi, Jess,” Carla said, almost sarcastically.  “I’m Carla.”

“Hi, Carla,” Jess said.  “Can you tell us what’s made you want to do this?”

“I’ve completely fucked up my life,” Carla said.

“How so?”

Carla just shook her head, turning back to traffic, still intent on finding the right moment.  All she had to do was step out.  Again.

Jess’s colleague hurried down the road a little, as he spotted DI Swain pulling up behind the squad car.

“DI Swain?”

“What’s happening?” Lisa asked.

She had tried calling Carla several times on her way but her phone was now off.  Michelle had called to say that she was worried.

“Her name’s Carla, she…”

Lisa didn’t wait to hear the rest of the information.  She bolted towards the figure up ahead.

“Carla?” she said.

Carla turned, shocked to see her wife standing there.

“Carla, what are you doing?  Why are you up here?” Lisa asked.

Her heart was pounding.

“I tried to leave you,” Carla said.

“I’m aware,” Lisa said.  “I got your note.  But darling, why are you here?  Please step back.”

“You don’t understand.”

“So, make me understand,” Lisa begged.  “I thought we were happy, Pickle.”

“We were,” Carla said tearfully.

“So, what changed?”

Carla looked back at the cars.  Then back at Lisa.

“I’m poisonous, Sauce,” she told her.  “All I’m going to do is ruin your life.  I mean, let’s face it, I already have.”

“Pickle, you’ve not ruined my life,” Lisa said gently.  “I’ve loved you for more than twenty years.  I will love you forever.  But I want to love you, not the memory of you.”

Tears stung her eyes.

“Please?” she said, reaching for her.  “Please don’t do this.”

“It was meant to look like an accident,” Carla told her, not reaching back.  “I even managed to fuck that up.”

“Pickle, I just don’t understand.  We’ve been so happy.  Back together and happy.  Why…?”

“No, you don’t understand.  Because you think too well of me, Sauce.  But everyone else sees it.  That I’m no good.”

“Who?”

“Your sister.  Leanne.  That barmaid.  They can all see it.”

Lisa sighed heavily.  Tears rolled shamelessly down her cheeks.

“The things they’ve said to you, darling, they’re wrong.  They’re three people who don’t want the best for you.  Don’t love you.  But I love you, Pickle.  I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  We’re getting married in a week and a half.”

“Why don’t you understand that I’m trying to set you free?” Carla asked desperately.

“But this isn’t the way,” Lisa said.  “All you’re going to leave me with is grief and pain and the guilt of not being able to save you.  Do you want that for me?  For Betsy?”

“Don’t!” Carla said, wiping her eyes furiously.

She opened the half drunk bottle of vodka and swigged it.

“I don’t care about anything that’s happened, Pickle.  I don’t care about any of it.  I love you.  I want to marry you.  I want to help you feel better, okay?”

She reached for Carla’s hand again but received nothing in return.

“Please just give us one more chance?” Lisa begged.

“But I’ve never been good enough for you, Sauce,” Carla told her.  “Right from the start, you were so much better than me.  I was dragged up; you’ve got your lovely, posh family.  You lowered yourself to be with me.  And then the way I was when we split…”

She shook her head.  Stepped closer to the edge.

“I don’t want to leave you,” she said.  “This is breaking my heart, Lisa.  But I need to put you first for once.”

“If you’re putting me first then you can’t do this.  I can’t do life without you, Carla.”

“I’m sorry.”

All the breath left Lisa’s lungs, as Carla stepped forward into the traffic.  She lurched forward, grabbing hold of her and pulling her back.  They fell to the ground.

“Don’t you ever do that again, do you hear me?” Lisa sobbed.

Carla lay on her back in tears.  Her heart was racing.  The vodka bottle had rolled away.

“How could you do this, Carla?  How could you leave me?  Again?”

“I couldn’t see another way,” Carla said quietly.

“There is always another way,” Lisa told her.  “Always.  We love each other.  We fight for each other.  We always have.  Always will.  You do not bail on me now, Carla.  I won’t let you.”

Carla gazed at her wife, stunned for a moment.  Then she pulled her into her arms, sobbing into her neck.  They ignored the beeps of cars, who had clearly got the wrong end of the stick, seeing them lying on top of each other by the side of the road.

Jess approached the ambulance that had arrived.  She explained what had happened.  That the woman was known to DI Swain.  She thought she was her partner.  DI Swain had pulled her back from getting hurt.

The paramedics nodded and approached.

“Carla?” a young woman said, approaching them.

Lisa sat up, still holding onto Carla.  She never wanted to let her go.  The paramedic crouched down.

“I’m Asha,” she said.  “We’re here to help you, okay?”

Carla looked helplessly at Lisa who offered her a sad smile.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Carla eventually said.

“Will you come with us to the hospital, Carla?”

“Are you going to lock me up?” Carla asked worriedly.

“No.  No, of course not.  We just want someone who’s got the right qualifications to talk to you.  Help you.  Shall we get you into the ambulance?”

Carla looked at Lisa again.  She nodded, standing.  She and Asha helped Carla to her feet.  She walked with them, unsteadily, to the ambulance.

“Will you come with me?” Carla asked.

“Of course I will,” Lisa promised.  “One sec, okay?”

She approached Jess, handing over her car keys.  She asked her to drive the car to the hospital so that she could go in the ambulance with her wife.  She thanked her for being so kind.

Then she turned to the young man who had stopped.  Who had cared enough not to drive by and forget about the frightened woman on the side of the road.

“Thank you,” she said.  “I’m really grateful for what you did.”

He nodded.

“I just hope she’s okay,” he said.

“Me too,” Lisa said, glancing back at the ambulance.  “What your name?”

“Aidan,” he said.  “Wish her all the best for me.”

“I will.  Thank you.”

She nodded and headed back to Carla.

1^st May 2005

“Right, DC Saucepot, I am taking you out tonight,” Carla said, her voice full of joy and enthusiasm.

Lisa smiled into the phone, as she headed back into the station from her car.

“And what did I do to deserve such a treat?” she asked.

She breezed past reception and towards her office.

“Oh, just being you,” Carla said affectionately.  “No special reason.  Fancy it?”

“I fancy you,” Lisa said, strolling down the corridor.

She glanced around, making sure she was alone and nobody had heard her.

“And I definitely fancy you,” Carla confirmed.  “And I love you.  With all my heart, Sauce.”

Lisa paused outside her office.

“I love you too, Pickle.  You’re the love of my life.”

Next time... Lisa supports Carla at the hospital...

Chapter Text

23^rd December 2025

Lisa sat by Carla’s hospital bed.  She recalled the time, years before, when Carla had been assaulted.  How she had sat by her bedside, praying that she would be okay, that she could be saved.  Now, in a different way, she was praying for the same thing.

“What am I even doing here?” Carla asked.  “I’m not hurt or anything.”

Lisa kept hold of her hand.

“Not physically,” she said gently.  “But you need an assessment to see what kind of help you need.”

“What, are they going to ram me with pills and stick me in a therapy session?  I’ve never needed that kind of thing,” Carla said sourly.

“Carla, you were stood on the edge of the road, trying to step into the traffic.”

Her voice was hollow, haunted by the memory of her wife in so much pain.

“I know,” Carla said softly.  “I just… I don’t have time for this.”

“Why?  Is there somewhere you need to be?” Lisa asked.

“I want to go home and start prepping for Christmas,” Carla said.

Lisa gazed at her.

“Do you?” she asked sadly.

Carla gazed back at her, tears in her eyes.  She nodded.  Then she apologised.

“You don’t have to apologise, Pickle,” Lisa said.  “I just need to understand why it happened.”

They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

25^th December 2008

Carla and Lisa were sat on the floor, Betsy cuddled between them, as they opened her presents for her.  The nine month old babbled happily, clutching a new teddy bear.  The plan was to go to Lisa’s parents for dinner but they were very much enjoying their first Christmas morning with Betsy.  A family of three.

“I think this is the best Christmas I’ve ever had in my life,” Carla admitted.

Lisa smiled at her.

“Me too,” she said.  “I never knew there was anything missing from my life until we had Betsy.  I love celebrating all these little things with her.  All her achievements.  Christmas.  My birthday.  That was amazing.”

“It was.  It’s so funny when you think that we’d hardly even had her at home then.  And now look at the way she’s thriving.  Every day, she does something new.”

She stroked Betsy’s face with her finger.

“We love you, Baby Betsy,” she said.  “You’ve made our family complete.”

23^rd December 2025

“It wasn’t exactly planned,” Carla explained to the Doctor.

She had requested that Lisa stay.

“I just felt so overwhelmed by everything.”

“What kind of things?” the Doctor asked.

Carla sighed.  She looked at Lisa, who was clutching her hand.  She stared at a spot ahead of her on the wall.

“All the mistakes I’ve made,” she said.

“Darling, we both made mistakes…” Lisa said.

The Doctor cleared her throat.  Lisa apologised.

“We did,” Carla agreed.  “I do know that.  And I know you’ve forgiven me.  But three different people have told me I can’t change.  That I’m not good enough.  And I guess…”

She sighed again, closing her eyes for a moment.

“I guess they created noise in my head.  I’ve always looked up to you, Lise.  I’ve always admired you.  Adored you.”

Lisa swallowed the lump aching in her throat.  How had she missed this?  Was it all her fault?

“We come from such different backgrounds,” Carla continued.  “Your family are so amazing and mine…”

She shook her head.

“What were your family like, Carla?” the Doctor asked.

“Mum was an addict.  Neglected my brother and I.  She’s dead now.  I had a stepdad at one time.  He battered us.  If we were kids, Lisa and I wouldn’t even be allowed to mix in the same circles, let alone fall in love.”

She looked down at her hands, one of them fiddling with the bedsheets, the other holding onto her wife.

“But you did fall in love,” the Doctor pointed out.  “From my understanding, you’re married, you have a daughter together.”

Carla nodded.

“I’m very lucky,” she said.

Lisa opened her mouth to interject again but stopped herself.  She had been told at the beginning that Carla needed to be the one who told her story.

“Can you tell me a little more about the mistakes you’ve referred to?”

Carla chewed her lip.

“In 2017, Lisa and I split up,” she explained.  “We were still in love with each other.  Still slept together even.  But I hurt her time and again by having flings and one night stands with other people.”

“And why do you think you did that?  If it was Lisa you were in love with?”

“Because we kept miscommunicating, thinking the other one didn’t want to be together,” Carla said.  “And I was desperately trying to fill the void my marriage had left me with.  It wasn’t like I was having an amazing time.  Nobody really meant anything to me.  I just didn’t want to be alone.”

The Doctor nodded in understanding.  Lisa fought tears.

“Then we finally got back together earlier this year.  We’re meant to be renewing our vows next week.  And everything was going well until…”

She trailed off.  The Doctor prompted her to continue.

“Some woman I’d hooked up with told me I’d never change, that I’d hurt Lisa.  I don’t even remember her much, to be honest.  Half the time I took someone home, I was drunk or numb or both.”

She dared to glance at Lisa, whose eyes reflected her pain.

“Then Lisa’s sister had a go.  Then we bumped into an ex of mine.  She was a fling at best but she was very volatile.  All of them told me the same thing.  What a terrible person I am.  How I’ll always be a terrible person.  How I’m just going to mess everything up with Lisa and hurt her.  And I guess that last person… Leanne… made me shut down.”

Silent tears fell down Lisa’s cheeks.

“I just couldn’t get it all out of my head.  The thought of hurting Lisa.  Of fucking everything up.”

She apologised for swearing.  The Doctor reassured her.

“I thought if I made it look like an accident then she’d never know.”

“It wouldn’t have been difficult to find out exactly what happened,” the Doctor said, not unkindly.  “The evidence would have shown us that it was suicide.”

Carla swallowed and nodded.

“I just wanted to set her free,” she said.

“Free of you?” Lisa gasped.  “How could I ever want to be free of you?”

The Doctor allowed the question.

“I just didn’t feel worthy of you,” Carla said.  “I thought you and Betsy would be better off without me.”

“We could never be better off without you, darling,” Lisa said through her tears.  “We love you.  We need you.”

“So, Carla is very much misguided in her assessment of things?  Of not being equal to you?  Good enough?” the Doctor asked.

“Of course not!” Lisa said.  “Carla, you’re my whole world.”

“But should I be?” Carla asked.  “Don’t you deserve better?”

“There is nobody in the world that I could ever want than you,” Lisa said desperately.  “I want us to live the rest of our lives together.  And I want those lives to be long and happy.  I want us to renew our vows.  Go on our honeymoon.  I want to enjoy every celebration with you under the sun.  I want to sit and binge watch stupid box sets with you.  I want us to share a room in our nursing home when we’re old and cause absolute merry hell by still trying to get our leg over!”

Carla let out a laugh.

“And are those things what you want, Carla?” the Doctor asked, clearly amused by the last statement.

“Yeah,” Carla said, her voice catching.  “I’ve wanted to be with Lisa for the rest of my life from the moment I met her.”

“So, do you feel you wouldn’t do what you did today again?  In order to make those dreams come true?”

Carla nodded.

“I won’t do it again,” she promised.  “I’m so sorry, Lise.”

Lisa wiped her eyes, nodding, assuring her that she didn’t need to apologise.

“Can I ask how you’re feeling now?” the Doctor asked.  “About yourself?”

Carla sighed.

“I just want to get back to my life.”

“You’re not answering the question, sweetheart.”

“I still feel worried.  About who I am.  About who I can be.  But I’m never going to recover from any of this without Lisa.  And I do want to recover.”

Lisa kissed Carla’s hand.  The Doctor observed them for a moment.

“I feel safe enough to discharge you,” she decided.  “On the promise that you’re going home to safe environment.”

They both confirmed she would be.

“I might recommend that you pull back on some of your plans over the next week or so.”

Carla looked alarmed.

“But we’ve invited everyone for Christmas,” she said.  “And the vow renewal.”

“I do understand,” the Doctor said.  “But hosting Christmas can be very overwhelming.  And the ceremony could be very intense when you’re so fragile.”

“It’s our anniversary,” Carla said.  “We were doing it on our anniversary.”

“It’ll be our anniversary again next year,” Lisa said.  “We can postpone.”

“I feel like I’m letting you down all over again.”

“You’re not, Pickle.  I promise you.”

They both blushed at the use of Carla’s nickname in front of someone else.

“All I want is for you to be okay.  I want you to be safe and to know how loved you are.  We can easily postpone for a year.  All I want is you.”

Carla nodded tearfully.

“And we can rearrange Christmas plans.  Make it smaller.  Quieter.  Give you a bit of time and space.”

“I just need you,” Carla said.

25^th December 2017

“Thank you for letting us spend Christmas together,” Carla said.

Betsy was playing in the lounge with her new toys.  Lisa had come to help Carla in the kitchen.

“I mean, you’re the one cooking, so…” Lisa said almost shyly.

“You know what I mean,” Carla said, pausing her work.

“Pickle, Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas if we weren’t together.  I know it’s over.  I know I have to accept that but… I never want to be without you.  And I never want either of us to miss out on the important moments of Betsy’s life.”

Carla fought tears at her words.  She busied herself with her pots and pans to distract herself.

“Thank you,” she said again.

Lisa watched her.  Her heart ached like it always did.

Next time... Lisa brings Carla home, changes their Christmas plans and Betsy finds out what happened...

Chapter Text

24^th December 2025

Lisa hadn’t slept all night.  She’d held Carla in her arms, watching her sleep.  Even in the darkness, she could see the stress etched on her wife’s face.  She panicked every time she moaned or stirred, worried she could be having a bad dream.  She had never been so worried about her before.  All she could do was hold her, stroke her hair, kiss her head and whisper into the dark that she loved her.

As the morning crept in through the curtains, Carla began to stir.

“Hey,” Lisa said softly, as Carla slowly came to.

“Morning,” Carla replied sleepily.

“How are you feeling?”

“Safe in your arms.”

Lisa’s heart surged with love for her.  With a need to always protect her.

“Did you get any sleep at all?” Carla asked worriedly, noticing how tired her wife looked.

“A little,” Lisa lied. 

Carla frowned, looking concerned about her.

“I just… wanted to hold onto you.  Keep you close.”

“Thank you,” Carla whispered.  “Thank you for looking after me.”

“I will always look after you,” Lisa said.  “Do you want to stay here and I’ll bring you up some breakfast?”

Carla’s eyes lit up just a little.

“What do you fancy?  We’ve got eggs.  Fancy scrambled eggs on toast?”

“That sounds lovely,” Carla said gratefully.  “Thank you.”

Lisa kissed her forehead.

“I’ll be back,” she said.

Downstairs, Lisa was making breakfast for Carla when Betsy arrived home, oblivious.  She’d stayed the night at a friend’s house, thankfully giving Lisa time to get rid of the note Carla had left her.  However, she knew they would have to sit down and talk honestly with her about what had happened.

“How come you’re the one making breakfast?” the teenager wondered.  “I thought Mum would have been up and ready early this morning, getting started on making her feast for tomorrow.”

Lisa bit her lip.

“We’ve had to change it up a bit,” she revealed.

Betsy looked confused.  She pinched some coffee from the cafetiere, pouring it into her favourite cup.

“What do you mean?”

“Your Mum… she’s not feeling very well.  Not really feeling up to hosting and doing all that cooking.”

“What’s wrong with her?” Betsy asked worriedly.

“She um… she’s struggling a bit with her mental health,” Lisa said.  “We went to the hospital about it yesterday and they’ve given her some medication, arranged some counselling.  But she’s going to need a bit of TLC from us.”
“Can I go up and see her?” Betsy asked.

“Of course you can.  She’s in bed.”

Betsy nodded, accepting the cup of coffee Lisa had been about to deliver to her wife.  She hurried up the stairs.

Carla was still dozing in bed when there was a soft knock at the door.  Gypsy, stretched out on the end of the bed, looked up at the sound.

“Mum?”

Betsy’s voice came almost meekly from the other side of the door.

“Come in, darling,” Carla said softly.

Betsy nudged the door open and set both coffees down on the bedside table.  She gave Gypsy some fuss and then climbed onto the bed, cuddling up to her mother, who gratefully accepted her.

“Mum says your poorly,” Betsy ventured.

“A bit,” Carla said.  “Mostly tired, to be honest.”

“What’s wrong, Mum?  She said it was your mental health?”

Carla sighed.  They had agreed last night not to give any major details away, at least not yet, but to explain as far as they could.

“Yeah,” she said, cuddling her closer.  “Everything just got a bit on top of me yesterday.  But it’s temporary.  I’ll be feeling better soon, I promise.”

“You can talk to me, you know,” Betsy said.  “I’m not a kid anymore.”

“I know, darling,” Carla said, kissing the top of her head.

“Just… if you’re feeling low, Mum.  I’m a good listener.”

Carla cuddled her a little closer, fighting tears.

“Thank you,” she said.  “I just… had a bit of a crisis yesterday.  I thought perhaps I didn’t deserve you and your Mum.”

Betsy stared at her.

“Of course you do.  We’re family.  We love each other.”

“I know,” Carla said softly.  “I understand that now.”

It wasn’t 100% true but she was getting there.  She felt less scared.  She felt incredibly loved.

“Mum and I would do anything for you,” Betsy said.  “Anything.”

Carla managed a smile.

“I’m so sorry you feel so awful, Mum.”

“I’m getting there.  Just having a really good sleep last night has helped.”

Betsy smiled but still looked worried.

“Mum said we’re just going to have a quiet Christmas now?” she said.  “Is that better for you?”

“I think so,” Carla said.  “I feel bad, letting people down.  But I just need you and your Mum.”

Betsy nodded, cuddling up closer again.

“Are you still getting married?” Betsy asked.

“We are but not at New Year,” Carla said sadly.  “We’re just going to delay it a bit.”

“Okay,” Betsy replied.  “Everything’s okay, Mum.  We just need you to get better.”

Downstairs, Lisa was sorting breakfast.  She called her mother while she cooked.

“Hello, darling,” Elizabeth greeted her warmly.  “Happy Christmas Eve!”

Lisa chuckled and returned the sentiment.

“Is everything okay?”

“Actually, no,” Lisa admitted.  “Carla’s a bit poorly.  She isn’t up to a big Christmas tomorrow.  We don’t want to let you down so I’ll run over some of the food we bought this afternoon.  I’m sorry.”

“Is she okay?” Elizabeth asked worriedly.

“We just had… a bit of a day yesterday.  She’s exhausted.  She needs some looking after,” Lisa explained as delicately as she could.

“I’m really sorry to hear that,” Elizabeth said, understanding.  “And please don’t worry about the food.  We’ll get something sorted.  Perhaps when she’s feeling better, we can all get together.  Between Christmas and the wedding.”

“We’ve um… decided to delay the wedding until she’s feeling better,” Lisa told her.

“Lisa, is everything okay?  Things must be bad if you’re cancelling both those things.”

“She’s just… fragile right now.  Claire didn’t help, by the way.”

“The things she said at lunch the other week.”

“Yeah.  They cut deeper than any of us thought.”

“I’ll have a word.  Please don’t worry about anything.  Just look after your wife, okay?”

Lisa thanked her and hung up.  Eggs cooked, she made up Carla’s breakfast plate.  She’d added a couple of sausages and mushrooms.  She carried the plate upstairs, her heart surging when she found Carla, Betsy and Gypsy all cuddled up together.

“Any room for me?” she asked.

“Always,” Carla replied.

Next time... Betsy learns the truth, things are awkward in 2017 and in 2005, Carla and Lisa prepare for their first official date...

Chapter Text

31^st December 2025

It felt strange to be treating New Year as a normal day.  It was their anniversary.  It was the day they’d been intending to renew their vows.  Christmas had been quiet but lovely.  Different to what they’d intended but spending time together, just the three of them and the dog had been what Carla needed.  They hadn’t even cooked.  They’d ordered pizza and stayed in their pyjamas all day.  Carla was aware of how her wife and daughter were looking after her.  How worried they were both were about her.

“I was thinking I might cook today,” Carla ventured.

“Oh?”

Carla had barely been in the kitchen for a week.

“Well, we don’t want all that food to spoil, do we?  I thought I might try a roast.  Try and make something out of the mess I’ve made.”

Lisa frowned.

“You haven’t made a mess,” she said.

“I mean, I have,” Carla said.  “Or else we’d be getting married today.”

Lisa smiled sadly at her.

“It’s not cancelled, Pickle.  It’s just postponed.  We’ve got all the time in the world do renew our vows.  Okay?”

Carla nodded.  She still felt guilty.  She hadn’t been able to step into the study, which had become their Wedding Room.  It was full of decorations and celebrations and now she was worried they’d go to waste.

She studied Lisa’s kind, open face and her heart surged.  She knew that whatever happened, she could never live without her.  She just hoped that Lisa would never give up on her.

Leaning closer, she kissed her gently.  Lisa’s eyes fluttered closed as they kissed.  A hand found its way into Carla’s hair.  She pulled back abruptly when she felt Carla’s hand slip inside her t-shirt.  Carla felt like she’d been slapped in the face.  Tears welled in her eyes.

“Oh,” she said softly, looking into her lap.  “Yeah.  It’s fine.  I get it.”

“Get what?”

“Of course you don’t want me anymore,” she said, twisting her fingers together until it was painful.

Lisa reached out and took both her hands.

“I’ll never not want you, Pickle,” she said.

Her voice was quiet but firm.

“But you were seriously considering suicide a week ago,” she continued.  “I don’t want to push you.  I want you to be okay before we…”

Carla nodded.

“I’m sorry,” the brunette said.  “I keep fucking up.  Letting you down.”

“You haven’t,” Lisa insisted, stroking her thumbs over Carla’s hands.  “You haven’t fucked up or let me down.  You never let me down.”

“I mean, we both know that’s not true.  I’ve hurt you so many times and I…”

“Fine, we’ve both let each other down in the past,” Lisa said.  “But the thing is, we promised to draw a line under it all when we got back together.  Forgive each other.  Do you forgive me?”

“Of course!” Carla said quickly.

“And I forgive you so please, Pickle, please forgive yourself,” Lisa said.

Carla took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  She nodded.

“I just wish this last week had never happened,” she said.

“Has my cooking been that bad?”

Carla managed a smile.

“You’re a good cook.”

“I mean, not compared to Masterchef, over here,” Lisa teased.

“I love your cooking.  I love everything about you, Sauce.”

“And I love everything about you,” Lisa said.

She sat back, opening her arms so that Carla could curl up against her.  It was currently a familiar position.  Lisa strong and protective; Carla vulnerable and in need of comfort.

22^nd March 2017

Lisa knocked politely on Carla’s office door.  Underworld was the last place she wanted to be right now.  She and Carla had had many a lovely afternoon or evening in this office.  On the desk that Carla was currently sat behind.

“Sauce…. I mean, Lisa.  Can I still call you Sauce?” Carla said when Lisa walked in.

“I mean, it’ll be kind of hard to change the habit, I guess,” Lisa said.  “Pickle.”

Carla managed a smile.  She missed Lisa desperately but she didn’t feel she could take back the last six, painful weeks.

“I um… I just brought you your post.  Some of it looked important,” Lise said, handing a small stack of envelopes over.

Carla thanked her.

“So, are you and Paula still living your best lives together?”

Lisa hated herself for asking but somehow, couldn’t help it.  Carla frowned.

“I mean, I wouldn’t exactly say that,” she said.  “It’s not…  I don’t…”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t think it’s going to be anything long term,” Carla eventually said.

“Does she know that?  Because she’s been waiting to shag you from the moment you met.”

Carla swallowed.  The truth was, she wasn’t interested in Paula.  She was using her to pass the time, fill the void in her life that Lisa had left.  It felt better to spend the night with someone than no-one.

“I’m pretty sure she knows,” Carla said.  “She knows I’m not over…”

Her voice trailed off.  She and Lisa stared at each other for an achingly long time, both of them silently wondering how they could fix things between them.

“Well, I guess I’d better leave you to it,” Lisa eventually said.

“Yeah, okay,” Carla said sadly.  “Oh, hey, um, are you going to the barbeque next month?”

“Probably.  Why?  Is that not okay?”

Lisa’s whole body had stiffened.  Carla could see it.  All she wanted was to reach out and hold her.

“No, of course it is,” she said hurriedly.  “I’d like to see you.”

“If you can look up from snogging Paula all night,” Lisa commented.

“I mean, I wouldn’t do that, Sauce.”

“Well, there are a lot of things I never thought you’d do.”

31^st December 2025

“Mmm… this is lovely!  Thank you, darling,” Lisa said.

“You were a very good sous chef,” Carla told her.  “Thank you.”

Betsy watched them interacting.  It made her smile to see the affection between them.  She felt desperately worried about her mother.  She was worried that things were worse or more had happened than she had been told.  But she was also afraid to ask.

“I mean, it was just a bit of chopping,” Lisa said.  “You did all the hard work.  I’m very glad to have you back in the kitchen.”

“Me too!” Betsy agreed.

“Hey!” Lisa pouted.

“I didn’t mean it like that!” Betsy laughed.  “It’s just something I know makes Mum happy.”

Carla gazed at her daughter.  She wondered if she would forgive her if she ever knew how bad things had been before Christmas.  Lisa had shown no signs of being angry but would Betsy feel the same?  She couldn’t risk it to find out.

“It does,” she replied.  “It felt nice to be doing something normal.  It feels like ages since…”

Lisa reached out and squeezed her hand.

“We’re getting there, aren’t we, darling?” she said.

Carla nodded.

“Did you try and kill yourself?”

Betsy had blurted out the words before she had thought them through.  Her parents stared at her and then each other.

“Um…”

“That’s a yes then,” Betsy said, tears on the verge of spilling.

Carla swallowed and looked helplessly at Lisa.

“Why?” Betsy asked desperately.  “Why would you try and leave us like that?  How do you think Mum and I would have coped without you?”

“I’m sorry,” Carla mumbled.

“What happened?” Betsy asked.

“I um…  I don’t…”

She apologised again and pushed away from the table, hurrying upstairs.

“Bets, I know this is upsetting but she wasn’t in her right mind at the time,” Lisa said, also standing up.

“What did she do?” Betsy asked.

“She… she stepped in front of a car.  She wanted it to look like an accident.”

Tears flowed from both of them.  Lisa stood and walked round to Betsy, hugging her.

“She regrets it,” she said.  “Please don’t make it worse for her.  It’s not about me and you right now.”

“Aren’t you angry with her?” Betsy asked, clinging onto her waist.

“No,” Lisa said honestly.  “I know she wasn’t trying to hurt either of us.  She was in pain.  You get that, don’t you?”

Betsy nodded.  Rationally, she understood.  But it still hurt.

“I need to…” Lisa gestured towards the hallway.

“Tell me when I can come,” Betsy requested.

Lisa nodded and left the room.  She looked into the lounge but as she expected, she found it empty.  She hurried up the stairs.  Carla was tucked into bed.  Sighing sadly, Lisa slipped into the other side, cuddling up behind her.

“Does she hate me?”

“Of course not, Pickle.  She loves you.  She’s just worried.”

“I told you I was a letdown,” Carla said, refusing to look at her, although she appreciated being held.

“Darling, that thought isn’t going to help you get well again,” Lisa said kindly but firmly.  “You need to forgive yourself.  You need to understand how loved you are.”

Carla nodded.  She allowed Lisa to nudge her into turning over, settling into her arms.

“Can I tell her she can come up?  She wants to see you,” Lisa asked.

Carla nodded again.  Lisa dug into her pocket for her phone, firing off a brief text to her daughter, who came bounding up the stairs, moments later, Gypsy in pursuit.

“I love you, Mum,” Betsy told her.  “I’m not angry.  But please, please don’t ever do something like that again.”

“I won’t,” Carla replied softly.

Betsy slipped into the bed on the other side of Carla, cuddling up to both her parents.

“We’re going to get through this,” Lisa said confidently.  “Together.  Okay?”

15^th January 2005

“You are ridiculous, do you know that?” Michelle laughed, as Carla fretted over her outfit for her date with Lisa.  “I mean, you’ve been sleeping with the woman for two weeks.  Do you really need to try and impress her so much?  She already likes you!”

“I want her to keep liking me, Chelle!” Carla said.

Michelle continued to chuckle, lying back on her friend’s bed.  She shook her head when Carla held up a top.

“It’ll go better with the black one,” she said.

Nodding, Carla changed.

“She’s so amazing, Chelle,” she said.  “Honestly, I don’t know why she’s even interested in me but…”

“Carla!  When have you ever had difficulty pulling?  Yeah, that looks nice.  Go with that one.”

Carla smiled gratefully and came to sit on the bed next to her friend.

“This is different,” she said.  “Lisa isn’t like anyone I’ve ever met before.  She’s so… so much more.  I think I might already be in love with her.”

“Love or lust?”

“Both!” Carla grinned.  “Honestly, I think I’ve actually met the perfect woman.  She’s so beautiful and so lovely.  So funny.  Kind.  She’s just… everything.  Everything I’ve ever wanted.”

“You sound like you’re falling in love with her already!” Dee Dee remarked.

Lisa had summoned her friend to help her choose an outfit.  Now she’d settled on what to wear, she’d opened a bottle of wine ahead of her date tonight.

She blushed.

“Oh my goodness!  You can’t be!  It’s been two weeks, Lise!”

“I know!  I don’t even know what’s happening to me, Dee Dee.  She’s just so perfect.  She’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met in my life.  I really think this could be it, you know?  Finally!  Finally, I’ve met someone I properly connect with.  And who treats me well.”

She smiled wistfully.

“I know it’s fast but I’m falling for her.  I can’t help it.”

Next time... Carla returns to work and in 2007, Carla and Lisa spend their last Christmas without Betsy, 

Chapter Text

30^th January 2026

Carla was making dinner when Lisa arrived home from work.  It had been a long week for both of them in different ways.  Lisa, due to the heavy case at work and Carla because she hadn’t yet ventured back to the factory and was finding the days tiring, especially when she was by herself.  She had watched too much TV, cooked epic meals and spent a lot of time taking Gypsy for walks that left them both shattered in the afternoons.

“Mmm… something smells good!” Lisa called from the front door while she was kicking off her shoes and shrugging off her jacket.

She put both things away and headed on through to the kitchen.  Gypsy was fast asleep, ears and nose twitching amid all the food being prepared.  Carla beamed at her, stepping forward to greet her.  They kissed.  They held each other for a few moments.

“What have we got?” Lisa asked.

“Just a salmon tray bake,” Carla said.  “I’ve just put it in.”

“Ooh, with the broccoli the way I like it?” Lisa asked hopefully.

“Of course,” Carla said.  “I just need to clear up and then it should be done in about half an hour.”

“I’ll clear up,” Lisa offered.  “You sit down.”

“You’ve just got home!”

“And you’ve been working hard to get us all fed,” Lisa said.  “Sit.”

Carla nodded.  She moved to sit in a dining chair, while Lisa cleared away the mess she’d made.  She knew her wife was treating her extra carefully.  She wished she didn’t have to but she was grateful.

“How was your day?  Still working on that case?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Lisa sighed.  “It’s not going to be an easy one, I don’t think.”

She turned to look at Carla for a moment.

“How was your day?” she asked.

“Fine,” Carla said.  “Took Gyps for a long W.A.L.K.  Hence, her being knackered.”

She looked down affectionately at the dog, who had given up and returned to her bed.