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Chapter Text

      Most of your life, you'd been alone. And you'd always been okay with that. You think it's safer that way, with the way things are in this world.

        You'd never have thought you'd end up somewhere like South Zagan Magical Training School. 

        It's not that you cared all that much about increasing your smoke output or strengthening your magic. Some people are born with the talent or anatomy, some aren't. And if you're not loaded with money for surgeries, that's not gonna change, school or not. What kind of world would it be if everyone had high purity, powerful magic? Things are supposed to be balanced. So if you're not part of the elite few, destined for greatness or whatever, then so what?

        That's the kind of attitude that had Aikawa really digging your company.

        You'd happened to be sitting next to him in one of his classes. He hadn't been much of a chatter then. He gave off a very "leave me alone" kind of energy that you were willing to respect, even though you'd missed some of the lecture and really, really wanted to ask him for his notes. Had you known him then the way you know him now, you'd have known better because you don't think the dude's ever had pen touching paper once in his entire academic career here. 

        His stomach had growled near the end of class. Loud enough for you to hear, which he'd chosen to ignore. Aikawa figured he could just sneak into the dining hall and swipe something to eat between this lecture and the next one. Around the end of the class, he'd felt a nudge against his arm. You'd looked insanely nervous even making any contact with him, but in your hand was half of a candy bar. The lecture had just ended, but you were still holding it low enough to be out of sight, like you were worried you were stepping out line and the teacher was gonna go apeshit on you.

        Considering the kind of guy the teacher was, Aikawa thought it was a pretty wise move. And he's definitely not gonna pass up free food. 

        "I was saving it for later," you say, voice so quiet he might have lost it under the sound of shifting shoes and book bags. "But I think you might need it more."

        "Need's a strong word," Aikawa comments. But then he smiles. "But I'm not gonna say no."

        From then on out he seemed a little less scary to you. And your world became a little less lonely. 

        Oftentimes you find yourself on the rooftop of the school with him. He likes it up there. He says its quieter and less likely to give him headaches. The way he disappears when those headaches come on, you'd think they're more akin to migraines than anything else and wonder how he functions at all.

        "I heard french fries and a Coke can help that," you'd told him once when he'd opened up about it. "It's got something to do with blood sugar I think. I heard about it once."

        Aikawa barks a little laugh. "Wish it was that simple, but I'll still give that a shot. Only if you're buyin' it for me though."

        You groan next to him, arms folded over the guardrail edge. "Broke ass," you retort, which earns you another laugh from him.  

        He's cool. Like really cool. You've always been on the shyer, more anxious side, so sometimes you can't even believe you're here hanging out with someone like him now. Aikawa's just...easy to talk to. You suppose he must think the same of you, seeing as how he keeps to himself pretty much all the time. Not like he thinks he's better than anyone else or hates everyone in the school. Nothing like that. Just a kind of relaxed aloofness that lets him be comfortable doing whatever he wants, whether he's alone or not. The type of guy who doesn't mind the quiet. 

        Talking to him doesn't feel like work at all. With everyone else it just feels kinda...draining. And to be honest, your ideas about the whole balance and 'some people got it some people don't' thing isn't too popular with the type of crowd that attends this school. They all want to be the best, they wanna be strong. 

        "Maybe there's just something wrong with me," you'd commented to Aikawa once, on this same rooftop some days later, venting your frustration.

        This time the two of you sat with your backs to the guardrail. Your knees are drawn up to your chin, arms wrapped around them. Aikawa just sits splayed out, big hands in his lap. His mask was off. So was yours. Your shyer nature had usually encouraged you to wear it at all times, which didn't come across as suspicious at all in this school. In fact, it was probably one of the more 'normal' habits of yours. Sorcerers wear them to enhance their smoke, to be stronger, and who doesn't wanna be stronger, right?

        Now that you think of it, when you're with Aikawa, you never really wear it. 

        "How do you figure that?" Aikawa asks, mouth still full with a bite of whatever he's stolen from the dining hall this time. A burrito you think. The tinfoil wrap around it crinkles beneath his gloved hand. 

        "I mean...that's the point of all this, right? Enrolling here? Just being alive in this world? It's all to get stronger, right?"

        He shrugs. Even if he doesn't respond, you can tell he's still listening. You like that about him. 

        "But I just don't care about that." It's a weirdly difficult truth to admit.

        Aikawa swallows. "Nothing's wrong with that."

        You sigh. "Then why does it feel all wrong?"

        "I mean," Aikawa starts, "everyone in the school's tryin' to get stronger right? So that's just the more popular belief." He turns to look at you, dark eyes fixed on your own. One of his thick eyebrows raises. "Why are you here anyways? I mean, I like hanging out with you and all that, so it's a win for me. But why'd you even enroll if you don't care about getting stronger?"

        You rest your cheek in your hand. "I guess I like learning about magic?" You try. "But...I'm not really sure. I thought maybe I'd figure it out. I just needed...a change? I guess? Coming here gave me a reason to leave my hometown. A-And everyone else has been coming here lately. Low ranking sorcerers like me, at least." 

        Aikawa smiles. "It's funny. You go where they go but you think completely different. I think if you talked like that to anyone else in this school they'd beat the shit outta you."

        You bury your face in your arms with a muffled groan. "Arrrghhhh, I knowwww..."

        Aikawa pushes a closed fist into your shoulder. He always tries to control his strength around you, but sometimes gestures like these still hurt a little. Once you'd given him a fist bump and it felt like punching a brick wall. A smaller sorcerer like you...at least he's got his size and strength. But you? He figured you of all people would be more desperate to make up for it using your magic. 

        Aikawa doesn't know what your magic is. He never wants to know.

        He tries to shift his mind from the subject of your magic. It's almost...obsessive the way his thoughts turn to that sometimes. It gets increasingly harder to break out of it. It's not innocent curiosity either. He knows that by now. So all he can do is pray you never decide to open up about it. 

        "Hey," he says, grabbing your attention away from the now throbbing, dull pain in your shoulder. That's gonna bruise later...

        You look up at him, exasperated. 

        He looks like he wants to say something really inspirational and uplifting. Instead, he shoves his half eaten burrito right in your face.

        "Maybe you're just moody cuz' you're hungry. I always get moody and broody when I'm hungry. You want a bite?"

        "Uhhhhh, I'm good I think-"

        Aikawa leans more towards you. "Y'sure? It's really good. Like. You're gonna miss out if you don't have a bite."

        "You?" you sputter, "Sharing food? Are you feeling okay right now?"

        This is actually the first time he's offered any of his food to you. Which is saying a lot, because the dude loves to eat. It makes sense considering how huge he is. But you'd never dared cross that boundary. So this is kinda the last thing you expected him to do.

        "I'm feelin' great. Y'know why? Cuz' I had something to eat." 

        An exasperated but playful huff comes from you, as you roll your eyes and go to move his hand (and the burrito) away from your face. Aikawa grins as he suddenly comes over top of you, pushing back against your hand. You yelp and your other hand jumps up to try and hold him away. He's straddled over top of you, knees on either side of your hips.

        "Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it," he says quickly, waving it in front of you. He starts to sit down on you. 

        "Aikawa, you FATASS get OFFFFFFFFF," you whine, air knocked out of you even without his full weight on top. 

        "Aw, c'mon you're gonna hurt my feelings here," he says through his smile, face closer to yours. Your face starts to heat up. Whether it's from the embarrassment, the physical exertion, or a secret third thing, you're not quite sure. Aikawa continues his teasing. "Don't worry. I can forgive you. But only if..."

        "I don't want your half-eaten burrito!" One of your hands is now pushing up against his shoulder, the other still clamped around his wrist. You know he's not even using his full strength, which is super obnoxious. 

        "But friends shareeeeee," he whines, imitating your tone from before. 

        "Friendship over! Friendship over!" you yell back. 

        He shakes his head. "Alright, alrighttt, I'm getting off."

        He does, so leaving you gasping on the ground. He hopes you don't notice how much trouble he just had swallowing now. Aikawa clears his throat. He takes another bite of that stupid ass burrito before speaking again.

        "Uhmm, in all seriousness though..."

        Him? Serious? You turn to look at him, face still a little pink. 

        "It's refreshing to hear your take on it all, y'know?" Aikawa's quick to change the subject, not wanting to think about the way you'd been breathing beneath him and how-

        "Glad someone appreciates it," you comment a little shortly. "Maybe it just pathetic loser accepting that they're a pathetic loser, but-"

        "Don't talk like that," Aikawa groans. "Y'sound like-" Then he has to take a breath. It's rare to see him get close to losing his cool, that level-headed, chilled out personality he's taken on. Even rarer than him sharing food.      

        You give him a bit of a confused look. 

        He gives his thick sideburns a scratch. 

        "I have this friend. His name's Risu. He's a good dude, y'know? Really good dude. But sometimes he just gets...mixed up in the wrong crowd."

        There's only one group people talk about like that around here. They're a smaller gang, but starting to slowly grow in numbers. And they're bad news in your opinion. Expensive surgeries and all that garbage to try and unclog smoke ducts and stuff is one thing. But drugs is another. Especially if the rumors are true, and the drug is as addictive as some sorcerers say.

        You begin slowly. It's not a...light accusation to say someone associates with them.

        "You don't....you don't mean...?"

        Aikawa gives a bit of a nod. "Yeah. I do. Like I said, he's a good dude. Probably one of the only good things about this shithole school. But he wants to be stronger. And he'll do anything to get that. Even if it means hanging around the shadiest fucking guys here."

        Cross-Eyes. 

        The grimace on your face kinda makes Aikawa wonder if he should have shared something like that about Risu off the bat. But there's no use in being dishonest about something like that. Especially when it's plain on his face. 

        "Y'should meet him."

        He expects you to immediately shut that idea down. He thinks you're a great girl, but god, you're antisocial as all hell. You'd probably be even less likely to wanna chat with someone who associates with Cross-Eyes. Especially since Risu recently got those stupid ass tattoos...

        "I'm not sure," you say, a bit hesitantly. "I mean, it's not like I don't trust you, Aikawa. You're a good guy, and you say this guy's good too. But I'm just not..."

        "I think you could help him out a little. I mean, he's always around those guys, talkin' about how they're weak, and one day they're gonna be strong sorcerers. He's really bought into it all. And...and I guess I'm worried about him. All he's got is me and them."

        A kind of venom drips from his voice.

        "It's a lot to put on me," you sigh, pulling your knees up into your chest again to make yourself smaller. 

        "I'm not askin' you to like. Convince him to ditch the Cross-Eyes or whatever. That choice is up to him. But I was just thinkin', maybe if he had someone kinda like you to talk to, he'd feel less bad."

        Ha. Even fully accepting yourself and the fact that you're just not a strong sorcerer didn't mean the whole 'feeling bad' thing stopped. Sure, maybe it helped just a little bit, coming to the realization that you have. But it didn't fix everything for you. Otherwise you wouldn't be here at this school, still trying to understand why you were what you were. Why some sorcerers had to be weak. It's all genetics of course, and luck, you've always known that. But wanting to know more isn't a crime. 

        A bit of a pensive hum comes from you.

        "How 'bout this? Next time we come to hang out up here, I'll bring him around. If y'don't like him, I won't bring him again." Aikawa gives you a stern look. "But I'm still his friend. Whether you end up liking him or not."

        "'Course, I don't have any problem with that," you insist.

        It's not my job to control who you hang out with, Aikawa, you find yourself thinking a little snidely.

        You guess you understand his concern with Risu and who he's hanging out with. I mean, Cross-Eyes are nothing but bad news. Even if they boast of some noble cause, of empowering weak sorcerers, you just can't agree with their methods. Black powder? The disappearing bodies from this town? Murder's not super foreign in this world, but you'd be stupid not to notice the pattern. Where there's Cross-Eyes, there's death and mysterious disappearances. That and the tension between them and some of the stronger sorcerers is getting worse. 

        Plus...part of you's kinda jealous he has another friend. Is that who he hangs out with when he's not with you? Are his headaches just excuses to get away from you and go hang out with Risu? You don't know why that might bother you. It just...does. 

        Aikawa grabs your shoulder, breaking you out of your thoughts.

        "Same time, same place, tomorrow after classes?" He asks. 

        You nod. "Yeah. Sure. Just don't expect too much out of me, alright?" 

        "Oh I'd never." He ruffles your hair in a big, gloved hand (something he does to annoy you) before standing up abruptly. "Think I'm gonna get outta here though."

        You look up at him. "Another migraine coming?"

        "Actually this burrito's lowkey tearing up my stomach." He nudges your leg with his foot. "Maybe it's actually a good thing you turned down my super generous offer, huh?" Then, he groans, doubling over. 

        "Aikawa..." you sigh.

        He's gone before you can chastise him. 

        You remain a little longer, up on the roof of South Zagan. Your heart is still racing, just a little bit. Aikawa had never really touched you like that before. In fact, neither of you were all that handsy, which is why you'd alway felt so at ease around him. And then your thoughts return to the briefest feelings of jealousy you'd experienced at the mention of Risu. Maybe you were just clingy. And in desperate need of a reality check. 

        It's not like Aikawa has a sea of sorceresses hounding him, begging for his hand in marriage. But part of you just thinks he's on an entirely different level than you. Any feelings beyond friendship must just be a result of loneliness and mixed signals. Because you and him?

        Just not possible. 

        You'd gone home when you thought you'd finally reached a satisfying end to your storm of thoughts and conflicts. The way it'd kept you up at night made you think maybe you hadn't solved this issue within yourself entirely. Especially when the last thing you'd thought of, before falling asleep in your dingy bed, was the way his hips had pressed to yours.

         The way Aikawa absolutely overtaken you. 

        It'd hard not to be nervous the next day after classes, when you'd been waiting on the rooftop like Aikawa had instructed. He'd skipped the lecture he shared with you that day, which didn't make your anxiety about all of this any better. On the bright side, you've always been super anxious, so at least it won't come off as weird to Aikawa. Not that you. Care. Because why would you care what Aikawa thinks of you?

        You're confused when a blonde head pops out of the stairwell, instead of the dark hair you're so used to. Your eyebrows scrunch a little. What funky hair...it's like reversed frosted tips. Is that what's trendy lately? You don't think you've seen anyone else around school rocking hair like that. And he's huge. Like. Bigger than Aikawa. Which makes you even more confused as to how you've never seen this dude in the halls or in one of your classes before.

        He stand outs in all white, next to Aikawa in his usual black hoodie. His hands are tucked in his pockets casually as he starts walking towards you with that same, old lazy smile. 

        "Yo, (Y/N)," he calls out, and you just offer him an awkward wave.

        Your head physically lifts as Risu grows closer, keeping track of his eyes. They're cold. Very cold, as he gazes down at you. He has red crosses over his eyes, which makes your heart skip a beat. You know that Aikawa already technically warned you about that, but still...you can't help but feel uneasy.

        Aikawa coincidentally comes to stand at your side, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to bring you close. The wind gets knocked out of you as you get squished up against his side. He gestures at you, then the blonde.

        "(Y/N), Risu. Risu, (Y/N)." 

        "Um, nice to meet you?" you try, still breathless. 

        "Good to finally have a face to a name," Risu comments in return, looking you up and down. "You're not what I expected."

        He talks about me? To him? You'd thought briefly. Why?

        Your face starts to redden. "Sorry," you say quickly, looking like you want to shrink into Aikawa's shadow and vanish entirely.

        Aikawa rolls his eyes. "Duude..." 

        Risu holds up his hands suddenly, which would have startled you if you weren't already focusing on dying of embarrassment. His eyes get wide.

        "Woah, woah, sorry, I wasn't trying to be rude or anything." Then his head tilts as he surveys you more. 

        "I'm...I'm surprised I haven't seen you around school before. You're kinda hard to miss," you say, trying to not let your voice get shaky. Aikawa's grip lessens, which is great because you can breathe again, but bad because you suddenly feel much more vulnerable. 

        "We probably just have classes on different sides of the campus," Risu says nonchalantly. Then he smirks. "i'm surprised you even met Aikawa in a class at all considering how much he skips them." 

        Aikawa scoffs. "Half the professors here got a bug up their ass. I don't need that kinda stress." 

        When they banter back and forth it seems to instantly alleviate the tension. You feel like you can breathe a little better, watching them. It seems like Risu only looks a little scary--he's kinda goofy otherwise. A lot like Aikawa, actually. Just a little more intense. 

        Aikawa gave you a bit of a glance from the side when Risu had begun to talk about the Cross-Eyes, how they were gonna make his life and countless others' better. 

        "I mean...I'm a weaker sorcerer, but I think I'm okay with that," you find yourself saying.

         The last thing you want to do is set off Risu by giving your take on such a sensitive topic. But you wanna help Aikawa. And...Risu too, actually. He's not a bad guy at all. Just like Aikawa said, he just seemed lost. 

        "How can you be okay with that?" Risu asks, and you flinch a little bit at the aggression in his tone. 

        You shrug. "It's just the way it is for me. I'm not giving up on magic, but I know I'm not ever gonna be, like, making A class smoke, y'know?" 

        "Aren't you worried? How are you gonna protect yourself?"

        You nod with a laugh. "Of course I am, Risu. Every day is super scary. But I just have to count on being lucky, and steering clear of the bad crowds." You give Aikawa a glance out the corner of your eye. "Ummm, and it helps to have a good friend like Aikawa. When I'm...with him I feel a little safer."

        "He's not that good of a sorcerer either, y'know," Risu comments bitterly.

        "I trust him all the same. He's my friend." The answer comes almost naturally to you. Aikawa looks over at your for a second.

        You really think of him like that? It makes him feel a little funny inside. 

        Risu lets out a sigh and that building anger seems to dissipate from him. "Yeah. I get that. This place would suck a whole lot more without him, huh?" He flashes you a smile.

        You nod, relief flooding you. Talking with him kinda feels like navigating a minefield so far...but you remind yourself that he's Aikawa's friend. Aikawa wouldn't bring him if he thought it'd put you in danger or he didn't trust you both. 

        "I was kinda worried when Aikawa was telling me about you. A lotta the girls here aren't any good. You don't seem all that bad."

        You look a little brighter. "You're not so bad either!" 

        He smiles again and a weird feeling comes over you. Maybe it's just that you feel good being able to make someone like Risu smile instead of blow up at you. You'd been terrified up until now. Still, a weariness fills you, looking at the red crosses over his eyes. 

        A good guy making some bad decisions...

        It's fucked up, but part of your relief also comes from realizing you could have ended up like him, with those crosses over your eyes. 

        Red crosses aside, you find yourself becoming friends with Risu too. You'd always been fine with just having Aikawa as a friend. That's it. That's all you'd needed, was what you'd told yourself. But you ended up being happy Aikawa had introduced his friend to you. He's funny when he wants to be, just like Aikawa. A little unnerving still, but you blame that feeling on the fact that you just haven't known him as long.

        After a lot more evenings like the first, you realize that Aikawa's kinda fucked. Risu's loyalty with the Cross-Eyes is virtually unshakeable. That's just how bad he wants to be a powerful magic user. Aikawa never expected you to try and change his mind about that. But he thinks Risu seems a little less bitter lately about his lack of apparent magic lately. Maybe talking with someone like you had calmed that anger in him.

        Just a little bit. 

        Aikawa was just happy Risu had a friend other than him that could be considered semi-normal and non-Cross-Eye adjacent. Maybe it'd put some sense back in his fat stupid head. 

        "You ever...like thought about it?" Risu asks Aikawa one day, leaning against the grimy hallway wall. The moving crowd of students covers up the not so innocent conversation pretty well.

        The lenses of Aikawa's mask glint in the dimness, covering his eyes. "'Bout what?"

        "Y'know."

        "Uhhhh..." 

        Risu rolls his eyes. "Don't play dumb, man. Her."

        It takes Aikawa a moment to catch on. "What about her?"

        "She's kinda cute isn't she?" That little smile of his appears on his face. It's a mischievous one. "And she's obviously really into you." 

        Aikawa can hear the slightest sting of jealousy in Risu's voice. 

        "Me?" he scoffs with a shake of his head, hands set in his pants. His fingers curl into fists.

        "Yeah, you, dumbass. You don't notice the way she looks at you? I notice it." 

        "I kinda thought she was more into you," Aikawa admits. "She gets all shy and nervous when you talk to her."

        Risu huffs. "I think she's just scared of me. But she likes you."

        "Risu, c'mon," Aikawa sighs. "You're just a little more intense. She's kinda shy." 

        "She's not shy with you."

        "Man, are you seriously trying to get me to argue with you over a chick?" Aikawa asks, deadpan. 

        Risu falls quiet for a brief moment. He's actually not sure what he's doing right now. He just feels...pent up. All restless. 

        "I dunno," is the response he settles on. 

        "Look, if you like her, make a move. I'm not gonna stop you." 

        Risu's jaw clenches. He reaches for Aikawa's wrist, fingers wrapping around it. Aikawa's head lifts so he can look at his friend. His friend who all the sudden looks much more serious. 

        "Don't wanna leave you out of the fun..." Risu starts. "'Cuz I know you like her too. It doesn't have to be just me or you. It'd be kinda unfair to make her choose, huh?"

        Aikawa hates that he likes the idea. He doesn't wanna let those feelings ruin whatever friendship he might have with you. Risu's right, he really did like you. He finds himself thinking of that night on the roof with you, when he'd been trying to force you to eat his evil food poisoning burrito. 

        Slowly, he nods. "Only if she wants to." 

        "No, duh," Risu scoffs, before leaning closer to lower his voice near Aikawa's ear. "Here's what we're gonna do."

        As usual, Aikawa had skipped his class with you. At least he never asks for notes...but it makes you worried for him sometimes. Had his migraines been getting worse? Was he keeping that from you? You couldn't find him or Risu in the dining hall either, which was double suspicious. Aikawa's first love is food, and Risu's usually trailing behind him. You'd thought about asking around, but the idea of talking to other students made you feel even more anxious.

        It wouldn't hurt if you took a peek at the roof right? You had an hour or so before your next lecture...

        You'd been disappointed when they weren't there either. A soft hum came from you as you dejectedly made your way back down the stairwell.

        ...

        There was one other place they liked to frequent, but you tended to avoid it because it gave you the creeps. There's a part of the building that's largely abandoned. Cross-Eyes sometimes used it for secret dealing, which made you want to avoid it more, especially since you'd be alone this time.

        But those two were your friends, and you'd never forgive yourself if something happened to them because you weren't there to intervene. Not that there was much you could do to intervene at all...

        The halls in this sector are especially abandoned and creepy today. You're trying to remember specifically where those two idiots liked hanging out. Definitely not a classroom, since that's where a lot of the dealing happened and Aikawa avoided Cross-Eyes like the plague. You're happy you can still find common ground with him there. You stay pressed close to the wall, on the off chance you ran into someone unfriendly here. 

        Then, you see a big guy in white near the end of the hall. Your heart was pounding in your chest at that point, loud as hell in your eyes. You'd never been more relieved to see him in your life.

        "Risu!" you cry out, running over to him as fast as you could.

        You practically run into his chest, you're so anxious to get near someone familiar. 

        "It's so freaky here!" you gasp. "Is Aikawa around?"

        Risu feels a little prickly. He'd felt good for the moment you'd been all snuggled up against his chest, looking relieved to see him. Is Aikawa seriously the only thing on your mind right now? You miss his slight grimace while you're frantically looking around the dim hall.

        "You're not worried about being here all alone?" you ask, voice lowered. "I was hoping you were both here together. Safety in numbers, right?" 

        Okay. Okay. You were just worried about his safety, right? He wonders if Aikawa ever told you that he's pretty good with a blade, like any other Cross-Eye. Aikawa's pretty gnarly with one too, but Risu doubts he's ever told you about that.

        It'd probably scare her, Risu thinks to himself a little snidely, and we can't have that, right, Aikawa?

        "He's somewhere around," Risu comments, a bit offhandedly. His gaze fixes on you as his hand suddenly comes to hold at your hip. "You alright?" 

        There's a sort of strain in his voice you don't immediately pick up on. You'd been too startled by him touching you. You guess you'd kinda started it by running full speed into his chest. Aikawa's touched you before, but Risu usually kept his hands to himself. 

        "Ummm, yeah? It was a little scary coming here, but I'm fine. I checked the roof for you, but you weren't there." 

        You're... not exactly opposed to Risu's hand on your hip. Your heart hasn't stopped pounding in your chest.

        "Y'know, I think I lost track of Aikawa," Risu says. "I was gonna ask him something kinda private. Wanna help me look for him? Safety in numbers, right?"

        You nod. "Yeah, sure--where'd you see him last?"

        Without hesitation, Risu points down the hall. Actively, you shiver against him. He considers abandoning the plan he'd set up with Aikawa right then and there and just shoving you up against the wall. But he holds back. 

        "Ughhh, I was hoping you'd point in the opposite direction. The one that leads out of here, not further in." 

        Risu offers a shrug. "I mean you know Aikawa. He's a total airhead. He wanders." 

        You sigh exasperatedly. "Tell me about it...lead the way, I guess." 

        He nodded. At the still nervous look on your face, he suddenly grabs onto your hand. "Here," he says, watching your face start to turn pink, "Wouldn't wanna get separated, right?" 

        "R-Right. Yeah." 

        The two of you wander together, down the hall. Just when you think about begging Risu to turn around and take you back to the main part of the building, you notice a big, bulky shape in the shadows. There's only one guy anywhere near that size that isn't Risu.

        "I think that's him," you tell Risu, giving his arm a bit of a tug. 

        You notice Aikawa's mask was on, the closer you and Risu get.

        "Aikawa!" you exclaim, a relieved smile appearing on your face. You feel Risu's hand tighten around yours. It prevents you from running over to your other friend as quickly, but you kinda don't mind. He's probably just trying to help you not look stupid. 

        "There you are," Risu adds, although he doesn't seem terribly surprised to find his friend there. "We were looking for you."

        "Well, ya found me," Aikawa comments, somewhat aloofly. Then he's quiet for a moment, like he's trying to remember something. "Uhhh, what'dya wanna talk about?"

        You'd totally forgotten why Risu was looking for him to begin with. You suddenly feel very awkward. Like you're intruding. You go to pull your hand out of Risu's--for real this time.

        "Uh-"

        Risu shook his head, before glancing over at you. "You gotta hear it too." Then he tilts his spiky head in the direction of the a supply closet door that just happened to be nearby. How convenient. "In there. I don't want anyone to overhear." 

        You don't think you've seen anyone here but these two, but you're not about to doubt Risu. They know this area better than you do--so who knows if there's other people wandering like they are. Your heart still drops as you fully process Risu's words. What are they gonna talk to you about? Are they mad at you? Did they decide they don't wanna hang out with you anymore? Were you too clingy...or too lame...or...or...?-

        Aikawa opens the door, and enters. Risu practically shoves you in after him, reaching back to slam the door shut behind him. 

        "Ummm, kinda cramped in here, huh?" You ask nervously, crammed up against Aikawa. You feel Risu's chest against your back. Whatever it was they wanted to talk about had to be important if it was worth being shoved in here...

        "Yeah. Sorry. Thought it was gonna be bigger," Risu comments, although he doesn't sound all that sorry. 

        Aikawa's quiet. That's not usually weird. If he doesn't have anything to say then he says nothing at all. But it feels weird now. Like he wants to say something, but he's waiting. It's a tense silence. Not at all the comfortable quiet that you two often thrived in. 

        You can't stand it anymore.

        "Sooooo, what's going on?" you ask, feeling like you're about to pass out.

        You suddenly feel Risu's large hand on your hip again. "What do you think?" He murmurs in your ear. 

        "...Risu?" You ask, voice stiff, body rigid against him. Risu's hips press up against your ass. Your hands press up against Aikawa's chest, trying to keep yourself from getting shoved into him entirely.

        "We were talking," Aikawa says, voice muffled a little by his mask, "about you." 

        Risu's hand sinks lower to grasp at your upper thigh. He squeezes the flesh. You feel the heat of his breath on your neck. It's so dark you can barely even see in here. 

        "If you don't wanna do this, tell me now," Aikawa suddenly mutters, his own hand on your right shoulder. It's firm there. "Risu'll back off too." 

        "Do...this?" You repeat, dumbfounded. "You mean..."

        "Doesn't mean we can't all still be friends, if that's what you're worried about," Risu murmurs into your ear. "I just...I can't stop thinking about you like this. I want a taste. You get it?" You feel his tongue, hot on the side of your neck, before you feel his lips. A slight gasp comes from you. 

        "Risu," you say, voice soft, "I didn't even realize. Aikawa, you...you too?"

        Aikawa nods before realizing it's too dark for you to probably clock that movement. "Yeah. Yeah, me too. Been feeling this way 'bout you for awhile. We're not gonna do anything unless you're cool with it."    

        You nod before realizing it's probably too dark for Aikawa to see it. "I'm not opposed. I guess."

        "Y'shouldn't be. You told me once before you were a little lonely," Aikawa said softly. You feel his gloved hand stroke over your cheek. "Even with my company. Some things go beyond company though, huh. We figured we could both...help out a little with that." 

        "I just didn't think you guys, um, liked me like that."              

        “I mean, yeah, you’re pretty cute,” Risu breathes out. "Really cute." 

        Risu suddenly pushed up against you, with what little room there was. He turns you, aggressively. Before you can say anything, Aikawa’s hands start to roam over your body slowly. He jerks you backwards a little, hands at your clothes breasts, directing you further into his hips and chest. His chin drops over your shoulder. Risu's hand go to the collar of your shirt, starting to tear it open. Buttons snap away from string. 

        “Aw, take it easy on her, Risu,” he mutters. "You're being a little rough, man."

        "I'm riled up," Risu snarls. "Tired of waiting." 

        Aikawa can practically feel your heartbeat against his palm. "Y'okay?"

        "Just...nervous," you admit. "I've never really-"

        "You're a virgin?!" Risu exclaims. 

        "NO, Risu, I was gonna say I've never done this with two people at once," you snap back, and Aikawa can't help but smile. There you are. When you're not dying of anxiety you can be pretty funny. Risu, ironically, is usually able to bring that side out of you with his more aggressive, overwhelming nature. 

        "First time for everything..." Aikawa breathes out. "But friends share, right?

        With your shirt torn open by Risu, Aikawa takes the opportunity to pull it off you entirely. He slides the straps of your bra over your shoulders, before awkwardly wedging his hands behind your back. His back is fully against the back wall of the supply closer, and he swears he heard the supports inside give an uneasy little creak from his weight. Clumsy fingers aside, he manages to unlatch your bra entirely. Risu just happens to yank it off you at the right time, by the center of it between the cups. 

        Aikawa's hands envelop your tits, starting to squeeze at them slowly. Risu leans down to press his lip against your throat, continuing where he left off. His hands come to grab at Aikawa's sides, trapping you more than you already were between them. He takes the opportunity to continue grinding up against you. A soft sigh comes from you as Aikawa's gloved fingers rub over your nipples. 

        "Aikawa," you murmur, and you feel Risu's teeth on your neck.

        "Hope you can keep up, Risu," he comments a bit cheekily, in a way where you can practically hear the shit-eating smirk in his voice. 

        Nobody instigates him faster than Aikawa. Risu abandons his conquest on your neck. He starts to get down on his knees, hand dragging down your abdomen. He unbuttons your pants, before beginning to tear them down your legs. A soft whimper comes from you when you feel him lick a long stripe up your underwear, letting his saliva soak into your panties. Aikawa brings you closer to his chest,as he continues playing with your tits.

        Risu takes your underwear in his teeth with a growl, grazing over your skin with the slightest of pinches.

        "In the way..."

        "B-Be nice," you stammer out, starting to feel hot in the head. Aikawa hums in agreeance. 

        Reluctantly, Risu drags your underwear to the side with a hooked finger, letting it rest in the space between your thigh and your sex. He slides a thick, gloved finger through your folds before he exhales heavily. You hear velcro and the sound of something hitting the supply closet ground. Then, you feel his actual skin on yours. He doesn't want anything in his way. The tip of his thick finger teases at the entrance of your cunt and you whimper again, head thrown to the side, up against Aikawa's shoulder. 

        You feel Risu's tongue suddenly, lappingo ver your clit. His name escapes your lips in a soft moan. Risu's tongue continues working you over, focusing heavily on that bundle of nerves. You jerk up against Aikawa, repeatedly, unable to control your body, and a deep groan sounds from him in response. You're rubbing up on his cock, which was already getting painfully hard in his pants. Aikawa squeezes you a little harder than he means to, and your cries become a little louder. 

        The three of you will just have to pray nobody walks by and hears. 

        Risu's hand comes to hold at your thighs, pinning them to Aikawa's body beneath you, wider so he can continue eating you out. He starts to suck on your clit, moaning out against your pussy. God the taste. His eyes practically roll, nose jammed up against your pussy. 

        Your hand reaches up shakily, for anything to hold onto-- in this case, the side of Aikawa's mask. Your other hand drifts down to stroke through Risu's hair. He freezes up momentarily, tongue still curled up against you. As your fingers card through his hair, his tattooed eyelids flutter and he's barely able to find the strength to continue. He wants to melt into the floor, keep leaning into your touch. Still, he licks another long few stripes through your folds, before pushing his tongue up against your entrance with another groan. 

        Aikawa reaches up to briefly hold over your hand, before going higher. You feel the shift of his chest and shoulder and the click of his mask release. Why he didn't have it off to begin with is beyond you. Maybe he'd been expecting for you to reject them both and didn't see the point in showing his face for something like that. His mask falls down and Risu barks a curse, breath burning against you. Thrashing, you breathe uneven, as you feel your orgasm begin to set in from the overstimulation. Ice starts climbing through your nervous system.

        "Dude, it almost hit me in the fucking head! Watch it!" Risu hisses, taking the opportunity to come up for air.

        "Mmmm, sorry," Aikawa murmurs, his voice much clearer in your ear. You feel his sideburns against your cheek as he nuzzles his head against yours, before beginning to kiss at the side of your neck. You turn your head so he can kiss you on the mouth. 

        Your cries are muffled by Aikawa's mouth and tongue as Risu makes you cum into his own mouth. He doesn't care that you're kissing his best friend instead of him right now--he'd rather be exactly where he is. Even as you tremble, he returns back to your overstimulated clit to start sucking once more. You break the kiss from Aikawa momentarily, to gasp out. Aggressively, he captures your lips once more, nose bumping against yours, tongue pushing into your mouth with a low groan. The hand that had lifted to detach his mask grips at your jaw, keeping your head positioned how he liked it best. 

        With the way you're quaking up against him, ass grinding into his crouch thanks to Risu's work....Aikawa thinks he's gonna cum. The friction is too much on his erection. He grunts out, his own orgasm gripping him. You gasp out for air again when Aikawa's lips leave yours, his own chest moving unevenly beneath you. His head comes to rest on your shoulder, half hard cock still throbbing in his pants. 

        "You want a turn, Aikawa?" Risu asks, lifting his head from between your legs. His palms are still flat against your thighs. He leans in one more time to lick some of your cum from your cunt and you shiver violently beneath him. 

        "I'm good," he breathes out. "You're the only one that hasn't...y'know yet. T's'only fair." 

        "What?!" 

        Aikawa scoffs, head still heavy on your shoulder. "You try having her rubbing all up on you, man, making all those noises. See how long you last." 

        You blush a little harder, feeling like he's praising you. 

        "Whatever," Risu says, although you can tell he's kinda pissed. 

        Your fingers curl into Risu's hair. "You were so good," you find the energy to murmur. Something in him shifts. "I-I don't think I've ever cum that hard before..."

        "I can make you cum even more," Risu says, standing up fully, a sort of desperation in his tone. A need to please you. To at least have your approval. His jealousy doesn't subside. 

        Frantically, Risu reaches down to unzip his pants, shrugging them down over his hips, along with his boxers. You fele his cock slap up against your stomach, and your cunt throbs again. 

        "Hold her for me," Risu hisses, before grasping at your hips. 

        Aikawa leans back further against the wall with a grunt, arms wrapping around your midsection. He pins you up against his chest, hands relaxed over your breasts now. You kinda appreciate the coverage and warmth of his palms. Aikawa seemed plenty satisfied kissing softly along your neck again, covering up some of the aching, reddening love bites Risu had left earlier. You feel his cock twitch again in his pants against you, and feel a little bad for letting Risu have so much of your attention. 

        That guilt is immediately forgotten as Risu begins to push his cock inside you, grip coming to the underside of your legs. He widens them, bringing them around his hips. You choke out a little bit, not expecting his size. You should have, considering how huge he is. Slowly, Risu starts to push into you. With every shallow thrust, you jerk up against Aikawa, a choked moan coming from you each time. Aikawa hears the way your voice quivers and your whines twist with something more than pleasure.

        Pain, he thinks. Risu's hurting you. You're too nice to say anything about it, but Aikawa can tell. 

        Hoping that the force of Risu's body on yours is enough to keep you pinned up against him, Aikawa lets one of his hands release from your ribs. It drifts down, a gentle line down your abdomen, reaching between your legs. His arm is snug against you, as his finger finds your clit and starts to rub slowly. Another moan comes from you.

        "You're doing good," Aikawa murmurs in your ear, and Risu feels your cunt tighten around his cock. He's able to sink a little deeper, regardless. He could have cum then and there from the ecstasy alone, already worked up from your little cries and whines while he'd been eating you out.

        Risu's cock drags up inside you, hitting spots you didn't even know existed before. Lord knows you'd never been able to reach them yourself, and you'd never fucked anyone as big as Risu who could do this before. You moan out loader, head thrown to the side. Aikawa nuzzles into the crook of your neck, breathing in the faint smell of your perfume. It mixes in the best possible way with your sweat. 

        Risu's pace becomes more aggressive, as he growls between clenched teeth. Brows drawn, he thrusts deeper into you, bottoming out entirely. Aikawa's slow rubs over your clit become too much, and you feel yourself begin to climax once more. You cry out Risu's name as he only manages a few more pumps, before he shudders and curses. He's smart enough to pull out, cum splattering onto your lower stomach. Risu's hand drops to his cock, pumping a few more times along his slick shaft to ride out his orgasm. You feel his arm moving near you as he hisses out a few more 'fucks' and cums on you one more time. 

        The three of you remain still in the supply closet for a long few moments, the only sound being the heavy breathing from each of you. Risu finally let's your unsteady legs drop from his hips. Gently, his hands come under your thighs to support them on the way down. Aikawa's hands stay where they are, as does his head. You feel his lips press up against your cheek suddenly.

        "Hate to spoil the mood," he breathes out, "but I think I've got a migraine coming." 

        There's not nearly enough room for him to crouch down and grab his mask, but somehow he manages. You and Risu awkwardly move out of the way for him once he stands back up to leave, as he squeezes past. The door opens and shuts, and then Aikawa's gone. For once you're grateful with how dim this school is. Actual lights would have definitely blinded you after being in this dark closet for so long. You sigh, looking over at the door. 

        "I hope he's okay," you say softly. 

        Risu shrugs in front of you. "He's been like that as long as I've known him...guess we should probably get out of here too." 

        "Fuck, you're right. I'm gonna be late for my next class."

         Suddenly, you realize that your shirt is very much not usable anymore. You pull up your underwear and pants in a huff, although it doesn't make much of a difference with Risu's seed still drying on your abdomen and the torn open shirt. 

        "Sorry," Risu says, a bit sheepishly. "I kinda....forgot...that you had to go somewhere after this."

        "Shit..."

        "Y'know what. Stick around here. I'll go to the lost and found and get you a jacket or something." 

        You hear his zipper and the shifting of fabric as he pulls up his own pants. You squint as the door opens and then slams shut. You wanna be more upset that Risu's left you here all on your own, but you're too exhausted to really care. You find yourself sinking down the ground with a yawn, heart still pounding in your chest. 

        Absentmindedly, your hand pats around on the dusty ground, hoping to make contact with your bra that Risu had torn off and dropped. You don't find it, but it's better to occupy your mind with than nothing at all. It takes everything in you not to fall asleep waiting for him. 

        You jump a little when the door opens again. Risu stands there, smiling down at you before tossing you the ugliest sweatshirt you've ever seen in your entire life. The light from the hall makes it barely visible. It's probably even worse in the better lighting in the lecture halls. 

        "Risuuu, this is awful," you whine, exasperatedly.

        "Uhhh, it was all I could find. Everything else was kinda...showy." He lifts a hand to cover the back of his neck. "I've never seen you wear anything like that so...yeah."

        Sorcerers and their affinity for strange clothes...you suppose you appreciate his consideration. Plus it's kinda sweet he pays attention to what you like wearing. Flashing titty isn't really what you'd be into right now. Risu wants you covered up regardless. He kinda though fucking you would finally rid him of his mini-weird possessive streak he felt towards you, but it kinda just made it worse. 

        "It's okay, I appreciate it." You rise to your feet, sweatshirt in your arms.

        With the light coming in from the open door, you cast a glance at the ground to see where you bra went. Apparently to a different dimension. It's gone entirely. 

        ...

        Did Aikawa take it? 

        Whatever, you'd get it back later. You take a few steps towards Risu, sweater piled in your arms, rising to your tip toes to press a kiss near the bottom of his jaw. Risu freezes up for a moment, before slouching much lower for you. He points a finger quietly at his cheek. You give him a playful sigh and eye roll before standing up on your toes one more time to press a kiss to the spot he was indicating. 

        Risu smiles, and stands back up to his full height. You think you see his face starting to turn red. 

        "You better get dressed before you're late for your class." 

Chapter Text

        After well...everything...

        Things can't just go back to normal after something like that, right?

        Ever since the little...moment--yeah, you'll call it that--ever since the little moment in that supply closet, it feels like your life's just been shaken up. It doesn't make any damn sense. You'd told Risu yourself back there, this wasn't your first time. You weren't some doe-eyed, innocent, pure girl. You've even had boyfriends now and then. Never serious, but there'd always been some action with them to. Nothing like what had happened with Risu and Aikawa, of course. 

        You hadn't felt like this with those boyfriends. All nervous, like there's an ever growing knot in your stomach, more present than ever before. And it's all because of two dudes that you're not even...really dating? You think? Was it supposed to be something serious back there? The way they touched you, made you feel good, had you feeling it was, even if your head says different. 

        Had what happened meant anything at all?

        Would you be stupid to listen to your heart over your head? Like you even had a choice at all?

        Can you even move along with your life and act like it was nothing with the way that same heart races in your chest whenever your cross paths with those two once more? You can't even focus on your classes anymore. Your notes are the worst they've looked in weeks. That should have been what tipped Aikawa off when he went to borrow them like usual. 

        He'd chosen to act like nothing was wrong. Stuff like this...all the wishy washy stuff...it's not really his strong suit.

        So from your point of view, it seemed like Aikawa certainly believed everything was fine. That nothing at all worth noting had happened. He greets you like it's all normal. Complained about his teachers, complained about being hungry, about them not having his favorite food at the cafeteria today, the usual. If it's obvious you're not completely there, with him 100%, he has no problem just ignoring it. 

        It's just a funk, right? He's sure you'll get over it. 

        Risu had picked up on it quick, though. He notices that crestfallen look on your face from across the hall, when Aikawa gives your shoulder a good natured squeeze and is off to do...whatever it is that Aikawa does when he isn't skipping class or hiding away with his migraines. A bunch of new students enrolled recently. Risu doesn't know if that has anything to do with the frequency of his disappearances this time. Maybe more bodies in the hall meant things were just nosier and triggered his condition more often or something...

        Risu can't tell if Aikawa's noticed you acting kinda strange. He's been wearing his mask more often since the...situation in the supply closet. 

        Had that been a mistake? Had it been wrong to drag you into something like that? Just to satiate himself?

        Watching Aikawa talk to you in the hall, he recognizes the look in your eyes all the same. It's like a glimpse of his reflection--it's a look that says you want something more. 

        His suddenly blood runs hot, the way it always does at the drop of a pin. Why won't you look at him like that?  Aikawa finishes whatever he's telling you, gives a dismissive wave of his hand and is off on his way. Risu thinks about storming off, ducking out of sight before your gaze finds him next. Which is counterproductive--doesn't he want you to look his way? 

        He thinks of how he could swoop in now, when you're obviously alone and confused and wanting. How he could...

        Nope.

        Risu whirls around and starts heading to the side of the building his next class is in. Even if it meant he'd be loserifically early for it, going now. You glimpse the back of his spiky hair just before he disappears around the corner. Your lips thin and your throat starts to tighten.        

        Did you do something?

        It's bad enough that Aikawa acts like everything's fine, like you're not tearing yourself up inside right in front of him, after he'd let his hands roam over you, hold you close the way he did. It's even worse that Risu now seems to be straight up avoiding you. 

        It takes everything in you not to break down and burst into tears in the busy hallway. Your clench your fingers into fists, letting your nails bite the inside of your palms. What is this? Fucking high school? Are these not grown ass men?!

        You pull a page out of both of their playbooks and choose to just skip your classes for the rest of the day. There's no point in trying to fight through lectures and tears at the same time. It's not like you've been paying attention lately anyways, with how you're unable to focus. 

        A day hiding away from the world, from Risu and Aikawa, turns into another. Then another day. Then one more. Just because. 

        You'd spent most of that time curled up in your bed, blanket over your head. Feeling like a complete and utter waste of time and space. Feeling more used than anything else. Trying to figure out exactly where it went wrong, or if it was always wrong from the start. You couldn't imagine Aikawa planning something like this for so long with Risu. You'd wanted so badly to believe your friendship with him had been real. Not some scheme to fuck some girl he wanted and then be done with her. He's not the type of guy to do that, right? You thought Aikawa actually liked your company and you. And that it wasn't just some long play to have his way with you. That him introducing Risu to you was because he wanted his two best friends to finally meet, so he could have the people that meant most to him with him, together. 

        And if this sort of plan came from Risu all along? With Aikawa as some kind of agent to carry out the plan?

        A shiver runs through you and you feel sick enough all over again to journey back to the bathroom and throw up again. You'd sobbed so hard into the pillow a few hours earlier that you'd worked yourself up to the point of vomiting. Weakness threads its fingers through your body. It's not even like you're throwing anything up. Just bile. You hadn't bothered eating much throughout the days that passed you by. 

        Paranoid and stupid. Wild conspiracies where no one was innocent, everyone was out to get you, and you were always the loser for having fallen for it all. The type of idea that Aikawa would have told you is literally the dumbest thing in the entire world and you need to take a pill or something.

        He'd always been there to ground you like that. 

        But he's not there to tell you that now. 

        So you can only spiral further, squeezing your eyes shut.

        The knock at your door feels like a hallucination at first, and you don't even move. You ignore it. A muffled noise comes through the thin walls of the apartment halls next, then more, much louder, rapid knocking. Pounding, really, if anything else. Which is doing no favors for your headache.

        You realize quickly that it's not gonna stop. 

        Huffing, you get up, dragging your blanket along with you. Rising from the bed only worsens the headache. No doubt, you probably look fucking awful right now, blanket wrapped around your body. You'd just wanted to sleep off the headache from crying. 

        You open the door, ready to throw out a short, 'What?!'

        The word dies on your lips.

        Risu stands there, awkwardly, hands tucked in his pockets, looking down at you. He looks like he doesn't really know why he's there either, which kinda just pisses you off more. Your lips tighten, and you go to close the door promptly in his face.

        "Wait-" he stars, forcing one of his boots between the door and the frame, preventing it from shutting. The way it cracks and the wood literally splinters up against his braces and leg armor suggests you're not getting the deposit back on this dump of an apartment.

        You want to tell him to leave you alone. To go away. To be anywhere at all but here, in front of you. If he wanted to talk to you, why didn't he just fucking do it in the hallway those days ago?! Why didn't he care then?! You don't say any of those things to him. You can only look at him in silence, knowing if you speak, the tears will threaten you once more. However, your hand stays at the door, half-heartedly attempting to keep it partway closed. Risu huffs and pushes the door back open, overpowering you with ease. He hesitates at the doorway, stopping himself from just waltzing right in.

        "Can I, uh, come in?" he asks.

        A bit late for that, maybe. 

        You break, almost unnaturally from your silence. "Sure, yeah, sure, why not?" Your voice is strained, hoarse from not being used and dehydration. Your throat still burns and it hurts to speak.

        You give up entirely on the door and walk back in towards the apartment space, leaving Risu to let himself in and shut the door behind him. He locks it without a second thought. You don't live in a...super great neighborhood. Risu's dealt here before--some of the weakest, desperate, most shady Cross-Eyes and black powder addicts live around here. If you can call it living. He supposes that must keep the rent low on a place already so...lackluster.

        Damn you gotta be broker than Aikawa. Maybe part of you whole "whatever it is what it is" humble garbage schtick you had going on. 

        It wasn't like his current apartment was any better, which is why he was moving from it to begin with. He'd just gotten the keys to it the other day. Risu had more cash now, thanks to his new...Cross-Eye extracurricular activities. That's why he'd been able to afford to go back to school in the first place. 

        Risu looks around briefly. Not much of a kitchen, maybe a couch in the corner and a bed on the other side of the flat, tucked away in the corner for some meek semblance of privacy. It's messy near the bed. Wadded up tissues, sheets thrown about. Just one change of clothes and that's it in a pile on the floor--probably what you usually wore to the campus on the ground nearby. 

        It was hard enough getting Aikawa to spill your address. 

        "Dude, just leave it," Aikawa had advised him. "She's probably just got the flu or something."

        "You don't even wanna check in on her?" Risu had asked, looking pissed. 

        Aikawa just raised a thick, unruly brow. "Why would I? She's fine. If she wasn't, she probably woulda told me." 

        "Oh, would she?" Risu shot back testily. He feels the way he does before he usually blows his top. 

        Aikawa gave him a funny look. Risu can get worked up pretty easily. But this is a little...

        Risu realized he was just making things worse. He took in a deep breath, trying not to bristle any further at his friend. He just...he doesn't understand how Aikawa wouldn't care enough to go check on you himself. It's been five days. Almost a week, since you'd disappeared from the halls, classes, hell, practically the town itself. He'd probably want you coming to look for him if he'd disappeared like that. Risu's thought the same thing about Aikawa after he vanishes during his unpredictable headaches.

        "Look," Risu heaved a sigh, struggling to keep any further personal jabs to himself, "I'm just worried about our friend, okay?"

        Aikawa's face shifts. When he'd first introduced the two of you, he'd just been happy that Risu didn't hate you off the bat. Especially when you'd opened up about some of your own ideas on being weak sorcerers. The two of you seemed to reach an agree-to-disagree kind of impasse on that topic. Impressive, considering Aikawa had been expecting Risu to fly off the wagon during that sensitive and touchy of a conversation. Now that he thinks of it, you might be the one person outside of himself Risu's never really lost his temper on. 

        Of course there's that jealousy in him. Aikawa plays stupid sometimes, for the sake of keeping his peace, but it's impossible to ignore how plainly jealous of a person Risu can be. The supply closet had helped prove it even further. Sure, Aikawa liked you, enough to make out with you and make you feel good. But Risu was a scary kind of intense about you. He'd thought it was fine at first, Risu was just as fierce about their friendship as well. But it's different with you.

        That doesn't bother Aikawa one bit. It gives Risu something other than that Cross-Eyes garbage to focus on. But he worries someone like you might feel overwhelmed with that kind of attention. And the last thing he wants is for Risu to feel like he's a threat. It's part of the reason he'd been so casual with you lately. He doesn't want it to look like he's making a move or something like that. 

        Aikawa's face shifts. If he does have anything to do with your sudden disappearance, he's not gonna be the one to show up at your doorstep to potentially make things worse. 

        So if it gets Risu away from those fucking Cross-Eyes and gives him something else to do this evening? Why the hell not? Sure, he'd dox you.

        Risu had practically sprinted off when Aikawa had finally given up your address. A good sign, no doubt. Aikawa had just sighed. He'd just have to hear about how things played out from Risu whenever he saw him next.

        Standing in front of Risu, blanket still wrapped tight around your body, you still can't find the words for him. So you just stand there. Looking at him. Risu thinks you look kinda angry. 

        "So...how are you?" he finally asks. 

        Maybe male sorcerers are also born with a stupid idiot tumor behind their other eye that makes them fucking stupid idiots. 

        All you can do is continue to stare. At a total loss. Is he serious right now?

        "I just...I don't understand," you finally start, after realizing Risu's also at a total loss, leaving you to be the only candidate to actually confront the issue. You swallow before asking the question that's plagued you these days and nights.

        "Why did you guys do that to me?"

        Risu looks taken aback. "Uhhh, what do you mean?"        

        Great, now you look like you're gonna burst into tears again. It was hard enough just being honest and to the point with him. Now you have to go into detail??

        "You told me we could keep being friends!" you snapped, "And now you guys are just being. Just. UGH." A frustrated sigh escapes you, and you whirl around to go sit back down in your bed. The stress of the conversation isn't helping your pounding headache even a little.

        Risu trails after you awkwardly, knowing it was a step too far to sit down with you at the moment. Which sucks because he busted his ass basically sprinting here as fast as he could, and desperately needed the breather. He's pretty sure guys as big as he is shouldn't be moving like that for that long. The anxiety of the conversation and obvious distress on your end only makes it harder for him to breathe. 

        Intensely, you stare at the wall, knees pulled up so your chin can rest on them. 

        He mulls over what you said. Truth be told, he was so excited just to have you in that closet with him and horny out of his goddamn mind he doesn't remember what he said to you in there. Which makes him feel worse. 

        "I'm sorry," Risu says, a bit softly. 

        You scoff, which makes his temper flare a little. Then he remembers you probably have every right to be pissed and he's lucky you're even acknowledging him at all right now. 

        "I didn't...me and Aikawa didn't think it would end up hurting you like this," he continues on. "It was only supposed-"

        "To what?! Just be a fling?!" You snap. 

        Risu wants to tell you you're wrong. That it wasn't-- er, it was initially but now, looking back...Now he's just more confused. 

        "I-I," Risu starts before deciding to just go all in. No more lying, no more dancing around. Just say what he's thinking right now. "I don't know. That's what I thought it was gonna be. Just harmless fun, y'know? Where we could all just have a good time together...but now I feel like everything's changed."

        He wishes you'd look at him.

        You don't. So he continues. 

        "I want more of you. When I first met you I thought that. So I convinced Aikawa to...to do all that stuff with me and you. 'Cuz he liked you too and I didn't want him to have to choose."

        "Right. Gotta share your food with your best friend. 'Cuz I'm just a piece of meat to you both, and all that," you mutter bitterly.

        "What?" Risu starts to bristle--he can't help it.

        "You heard me. You guys were nice to me so you could use me, and now you're done with me. Aikawa's just too nice to cut me out completely. You don't have a problem with that though."

        He thinks his head might explode then and there. You're wrong. You have no fucking idea how wrong you are. Fighting his own nature, Risu goes to reply.

        "If I cut you off then why am I here right now?" he asks, voice strained. 

        You don't have an answer for him. But you don't care. You're not gonna fall for it again. It's a cruel, ridiculous prank they're playing on you. And you're not gonna be a victim once more. You're not gonna let Risu fool you. Surely they can find something better to do than torture you to entertain themselves, right?

        "(Y/N)?" he asks again, sounding even more pissed that you're ignoring him now.

        Good. He deserves it. But you can't help but stoke the fire, even if you know it's gonna burn you more. So what? You don't wanna be the only one coming out of this angry and hurt with a major headache. 

        "Who knows?" you snap back, "Probably playing messenger boy for Aikawa." 

        "Do you fucking hear yourself right now?!" Risu asked, voice growing louder.

        You wince. That's something he'd typically ignore, too lost in his own rage. But he pauses, just for a moment, takes another slow breath, breathes out, and tries again, dropping the volume. 

        "I'm here 'cuz I care about you and I wanted to see if you were okay. I got worried about you when you stopped showing up to school." Then he huffs. "And as for Aikawa, I had to argue with him to even get him to tell me where you lived. So there." 

        He'd thrown that jab in against his own personal judgement. But you should know the whole truth, right? That Risu had been the one panicking about you, meanwhile Aikawa just waved it off as a cold. Or a flu. Whatever. The point was that he cared right now. Why can't you see that?

        At your silence, Risu rather boldly goes to sit down on the edge of the bed, hands in his lap, still looking over at you. 

        You finally look up at him. Your arms still rest over your knees, cushioning your face. 

        "Do you mean that? You're not just saying it to say it?" You ask, tentatively. 

        Risu sighs. He turns over to crawl towards you, getting rid of some of the space separating you from him. It doesn't take much, considering the mattress is small and he's so big. He sits directly in front of your knees, peeking over them at you. He puts a gloved hand overtop your forearm. 

        "I mean it." Such an intensity he says it with. Then he exhales, so hard it's like he's deflating. "I'm sorry for avoiding you. You make me...you make me feel a kind of way. You always have. And ever since the whole closet thing it's just been...worse. I don't know what to do about it, h-how to act- I-I just don't wanna hurt you."

        "What kind of way?" you ask. 

        "Oh come on- you know," Risu scoffs, looking more embarrassed than anything else. 

        You shake your head, arms sliding off your knees and away from his hand.  "Not a clue." 

        Risu's gloved hands suddenly come between your knees, pushing them apart. He comes between them, planting his arms at either side of your abdomen. Your hips press up against his stomach. You fall back on your elbows, looking down at him, a look of surprise on your face. 

        Had you not been...trying to flirt with him? Did he read that wrong?

        It's different in the dim light of your apartment, where you can see him wholly, all of him, and the way he stares right back  at you. He has such a cute face for how large and built he is. It's the strangest dissonance. 

        "Give me another shot, please," he breathes out. "Please let me do it right this time." 

        You'd had no complaints about his prior performance in the supply closet, but...Your head still pounds. You still feel weak. Tired. Dehydrated. Dirty from not touching a shower in days. Every horrible feeling a body can have right now--you're having it. He sees how tempted you look. How your fingers ball into the sheets. 

        "I just...I haven't showered in days-" you start.     

        Risu shakes his head, cutting you off. "I don't care." One of his hands moves to your outer leg, to press your thigh up against his hip. You feel the way his fingers grip into you. 

        Closer to you, he sees how dark your under eyes are. How red your eyes are from crying. How your hair's a mess and how he can feel you tremble beneath him. From weakness perhaps, maybe anxiousness too, of being in such a compromising position beneath him. 

        It only makes him feel guiltier.

        "Just lay back," he coaxes. "Let me take care of you--let me make it all up to you, please."

        You could have told him to get the hell out right then and there. That a bit of sex isn't going to make up for the havoc he and Aikawa have wreaked on you emotionally and mentally. That you never wanna see him again and how dare he come here, how dare he show his face at all. 

        Instead, just as he asked, you lay back. 

        Risu's hands roam up your sides momentarily, before he pulls the blanket entirely off of you. Even laying down, you flush a little bit, embarrassed by your state. You'd only been wearing some underwear and an oversized shirt when you'd answered the door. You'd actually been wearing both for several days now. You just hadn't felt like changing. You bring your arms up to rest over your face to cover it up.

        Risu's eyes dart up to you, obviously red in the face, arms above your head. Your shirt rides up with the motion, a little more over your hips, revealing your underwear. This is entirely different than that dingy supply closet. A shiver runs through him, on top of you.

        He's never been more turned on in his life. 

        Risu lifts his right hand to his mouth, ripping off his glove's velcro strap secured around his wrist. Then the left. The hair on the back of your neck stands up at the sound. It startles you briefly when you feel his warm hands on your body. Then almost unconsciously, you sink into his touch, soft breath leaving you. 

        The heavy fabric of Risu's clothes grind into you as his hips shift on top of you. He lifts your shirt higher, to press his lips against your stomach. A soft groan comes from him. His clothed erection rubs up against your panties. The way he keeps grinding on you...you can't help but shift a little yourself, increasing the friction. 

        "Risu," you breathe out. 

        Yes, yes, he thinks to himself, feeling hotter and hotter beneath his collar. Yes, oh my God.

        He's almost pathetically quick to start unbuttoning the collar of his white coveralls, bringing it down over his own, broad hips. His cock strains at his boxers. A muffled moan comes from you, your hand still over your face, when you feel the warmth of his dick on the thin material of your underwear. 

        "I'm pretty big," he mutters to you, "so I'll be careful." 

        Hiked a little further up on top of you, he's able to press his lips to the underside of your jaw, where you're sensitive. A whimper comes from you and Risu almost reconsiders his nice and gentle approach. It's the kind of noise that makes him just wanna tear you apart. He squashes the urge, remembering that you don't feel well to begin with. Maybe he could fix you up after...help you shower. Maybe change too. Fall asleep with you in his arms. 

        The idea makes his cock twitch in his pants, as he lets his teeth drag over the skin of your throat, prompting more shivers and moans from you. 

        Risu's hand drops down to shift your underwear aside. His thick fingers search for your clit. He knows he's found it when you shudder harder up against him, and you let your head fall to the side on the pillow with a louder groan. You murmur his name again. Keeping his thumb pressed up against your clit, massaging at a slow pace, he lets his fingers stretch down to prod at your entrance. Wet already from all of his not so dry humping, from the friction of his weight and clothes against you. With his hand being as large as it is, it's easy for him to stroke up against your insides with his fingers, while continuing to work over one of the most sensitive, delicate parts of your body.

        You starts to moan louder beneath him, mouth opening in a gasp as his fingers curl just right inside you, dragging up against your walls. He feels your cunt clench around his fingers, and knew that it wouldn't be long before he had you cumming. You gasp out in a mixture of pain and pleasure when it hits, finding the strain it causes in your head almost too much to bear. You persevere. 

        For the sake of feeling good again. You've been miserable for days now. You deserve to feel good don't you?

        Had you voiced those thoughts, Risu would have fervently agreed. 

        Still sensitive and twitchy at his touch, you let your hand slide from your face, eyes still shut. As dim as it is in here, the light still kinda hurts. Risu sees the strain of your brow. He lifts his hand-- the one he hadn't used-- and lets it fall slow over your eye and brow. His thumb traces a slow line along your brow bone, down the bridge of your nose. Back and forth, almost hypnotically. 

        Once Aikawa had an oncoming headache. He hadn't wanted to leave Risu, and just mumbled that he'd power through it. Risu had pulled him into his lap, to trace over the line of his brow and nose, just like yours. He doesn't know where he learned it. Maybe his mother or someone like that. But it helps a little. 

        He'll never forget the way Aikawa had leaned back into him, a soft, satisfied hum coming from him. 

        Risu feels your body begin to relax beneath him. A low moan comes from you. Balance shifting to his knees, Risu's other hand, still resting down at your pussy, starts to pull down his underwear. He watches your face (or what shows of it) as carefully as he could. If you wanted to back out of this or change your mind, now was the time. He wasn't sure he'd be able to control himself once he was inside you. 

        You make him plunge into a frenzy. One that's hard to control. It's familiar to him, somehow, despite the fact that he's only known you for a few months. An instinct, dwelling deep within him. A release he has yet to find a rival to.

        The head of Risu's thick cock starts to sink slowly into you, aided by your prior release and the precum that had been gathering and smearing along himself and the inside of his pants this whole time. It was torture not outright fucking you, trying to make good on his promise of not hurting you. He wanted to care about you. He wanted to do this right. 

        He moans out. You're warm, warm and welcoming like you were the first time he'd fucked you. And he has you all to himself this time. That feeling of having you completely now...combined with the heat of your cunt--it's close to what he supposes he could call heaven. Not able to hold back further, he begins to thrust into you.

        It's a lot of work to try and synchronize the motion of his hips with his thumb at your brow. Unable to think about anything but chasing his orgasm, he makes the decision to focus more on fucking you. Even with his hand just still on your face, the weight is somehow comforting. Your hand shifts over top the back of his, keeping it to your face as your bottom lip quivers.

        Your legs come to cross over his wide hips. At first, he hadn't even noticed the motion until he released his pubic bone was practically flushed against yours. In the embrace of your legs, Risu sinks deeper and deeper, rutting into you as deep as he can. Your cunt stretches around him and your head pushes back into the pillow, back arching up so the rest of your body is pressed into his as well. A choked sob leaves you.

        Risu pushes you up into the pillow--up and down into the bed with every slow, deep pump. The headboard knocks up against the wall with every motion, cheap bed frame threatening to ruin the intimate moment right then and there. Risu can't hold himself back from quickening the pace, if not just to see the way your tits move. Regretfully, he squeezes his eyes shut, cock twitching deep inside you, as he's overwhelmed with pleasure. 

        Your cunt tightens around him as you cum once more, prompting his own building orgasm. His head ducks, next to your head, so he can sink his teeth into the pillow, body tensed against yours as his hot seed spills into you. It's different this time. He doesn't even bother trying to pull out. He wants to leave part of himself in you, he wants to be as close as possible--he wants you to feel him as close as possible. He doesn't want you to forget: He came through tonight, he cares about you. More than you probably even realize. 

        Even if he's already told you out loud so many times tonight. 

        You lay there, panting beneath him, your heavy breaths combining. His palm slides off your face, leaving you looking at him through half shut eyes. 

        "I can't tell if this was another fuck up or not," you eventually find yourself admitting, once you get some of your breath back. 

        Risu's quiet for a moment. A bit shakily, he pulls out of you, coming to lay at your side. Then, he casts his gaze back towards you. He takes one of your hands in his own. "It doesn't have to be." 

        "I just feel so..."

        "Yeah-- Confused. Can't really blame you for that, I guess," Risu says softly. He hasn't let your hand go. "But I know one thing. And it's that I want you to be with me. Seriously."

        He can't promise he'll change wholly for you. He can't promise to control his awful temper, o-or stop being a Cross-Eyes, or stop being so jealous, or-

        As fast as he's starting to list everything he knows is wrong with him, everything that makes Aikawa such an obvious choice over him, you've already replied.

        "I think I want that too. To be with you." 

        Risu feels your fingers squeeze around his as you meet his gaze. Tiredly, but you meet it all the same. But then there's a sort of worried look on your face, like you just can't help yourself. 

        "A-And not just some flings. If you want me to be with you, I want something...real." Then your expression grows a little fiercer, a little darker, and he swears he sees your eyes start to water. "S-So if this is just some other part of a plan to use me and drag me along-"

        Risu's other hand goes to back of your head, bringing you in close to snuggle up against his chest. His head dips so he can press a soft kiss to the top of your head. He holds you there, knowing that he cut you off. He doesn't wanna hear the rest of the sentence. It makes him feel awful, that even in the afterglow of sex, you can still feel this way.

        Damaged. Afraid to open yourself up to him again. Had he done that to you? 

        Risu shuts his eyes. "I promise. I promise it's for real." 

        He feels you exhale a breath he didn't know you were holding. Then comes the name he wants to hear least right now.

        "But...Aikawa..." you trail off. 

        How's he supposed to answer for his best friend now? With you held so close to him? He thinks about torpedoing him here and now. Of reassuring you that Aikawa just didn't care. That he couldn't take something like this seriously with you, no matter how hard he tried. That you're better off just giving up on Aikawa, and loving him instead. Wholly. Entirely. 

        But he just...can't.

        "You could talk it out with him, too," he says, a bit begrudgingly, blue eyes cast off to the side. "Look...I don't...I don't really know what he wants from this. I mean, I was the one that convinced him to do what we did the uh, the first time." 

        Unexpectedly, you shake your head, burrowing deeper into Risu's body. 

        "I don't wanna see him," you say, voice suddenly cold, like you'd never asked about Aikawa to begin with. "I'm okay with just you." 

        "Don't say that," Risu sighs, exasperatedly, so much that you feel the movement on your forehead. "He's your friend, too. You don't just ditch a friend like that. You can't just disappear on him." As he's saying the words, Risu can't help but think of all of Aikawa's strange disappearances. But presses on. "And I think it would bother him."

        You just scoff. "He doesn't care."        

        Stupid aloof bastard...Risu wonders if the whole cool guy act is worth it for Aikawa if it produces results like this.

        "He does," Risu insists, "He just...I dunno. As long as I've known him, he just has a funny way of showing it. He keeps his distance, but he has his own reasons for that."

        He feels you tense against his body again. "And we're just supposed to be fine with that?"

        Risu shrugs. "He's my best friend." And then gestures half-heartedly to his face, to his eye tattoos. "I mean, I do things he doesn't like..."

        And you don't like it, either, he'd thought to himself after. 

        When you fall silent, Risu knows it's going to have to be his job to convince you to give his idiot best friend another chance. Or at least a moment to talk to you and set things right. Whether he wanted to get serious with you or not, like Risu did, didn't matter. 

        But Aikawa owed it to you to buck up and clear the air. 

        "Hey, you know what?" Risu suddenly said. "Let's just all hang out at my place. I just got the keys to my new apartment--I need help setting things up anyways. From both of you." 

        A soft, contemplative moan comes from you. Not as enthusiastic as Risu would have liked, but it's not an outright 'no', which works just fine. His hand drops from the back of your head to stroke down over your back, sending pleasurable tingles throughout your body. 

        "But first," Risu says, practically sealing the decision for you, "lemme help you shower before you drift off, alright?"

        A bit of a smile cracks at your lips. "Is it that bad?" you ask him.

        "W-What?! No, no, it's not like that I promise-" Oh God this was backfiring on him now so horrifically...

        Really easy to get a guy like Risu worked up. 

        "So then seeing me in my underwear isn't enough for you?" Your head lifts, so you have the chance to gauge his reaction through sleepy eyes.

        Risu shakes his head rapidly, almost cartoonishly, face turning red. His hair looks even more of a mess than usual. He'd already been flushed from the physical exertion before. The embarrassment even shows in his shoulders, which have reddened alongside his cheeks. 

        "C-C'mon, it's not like that either..." Then he looks you up and down. "...Maybe it's a little like that--but I just wanna help you." 

        You start to get up, to his surprise. He's never followed anyone to a bathroom faster in his life.

        Unfortunately, he finds out that his romantic, super cool, caring idea didn't work as well when your shower-bath combo was dinky as all hell. It was more like, being awkwardly and nakedly crammed up against each other, trying to figure out who needed water when. The hot water and steam helped your headache. And you actually laughed for the first time that week at his antics. Especially when he keeps almost cracking his skull up against the shower head, being as freakishly large as he is, and getting mad.

        Afterwards, he'd taken the liberty of going rummaging through the drawers in the cabinet near the end of your bed to find a different, cleaner T-shirt for you to throw on. 

        You don't know why he's going so out of his way to do all this for you. Maybe it wasn't all just talk to get you to go for another round with him. As he pulls the T-shirt over your head, without even sparring another glance at your naked body, you start to realize just how serious he was. 

        And you realize that he's probably always wanted someone to do the same for him. Take care of him. Trust him. Love him. 

        Now that he's fucked most of his horniness out, Risu feels like he's overstayed his welcome at this point. Looks like the last part of his plan (spending the night) will have to take a rain check. He starts to reach for his white coveralls on the floor, discarded along with his boxers before the shower. 

        You clear your throat from your bed when the waistband of his underwear has settled just above his hips. He'd just laid you down there, and to be honest, you feel loads better now, fresh and clean and cared for. Most of your headache has even subsided. 

        Risu looks up at you. There's a kind of wistful hope in his eyes. 

        It basically confirms everything for you. 

        "It's kinda late now, isn't it?" You ask softly. "It gets dangerous out there. Why don't you just spend the night?" 

        "Um, yeah. Sure. Y'got a futon or something?" The cool, nonchalant act he's trying to borrow from Aikawa doesn't really work for him. 

        You tilt your head to the side and squint at him. Then, you pat the bed, right next to you. Where'd he'd been before. "C'mon, Risu," you coax. 

        Without a second thought he tucks himself in, at your side. You'd imagine it would be more awkward, trying to cram himself back into bed with how big he was and how small that damn, cheap mattress is. Risu resolves this issue by simply snuggling right up behind you, wrapping his arms around you. Your ass slots perfectly into the curve of his body. 

        Risu breathes in the scent of you, of your toweled hair, settling his face down on the flat pillow. He thinks this might be the happiest he's been in a really long time.

Chapter Text

        The next morning, it'd been difficult for him to convince himself to pry himself away from you and make his way back to the new apartment. He had to get ahold of Aikawa anyways to try and drag his ass over. He'd told you to just show up whenever you felt ready, which you wanted to be never. 

        But you also knew he really cared about you and Aikawa, and was taking a surprisingly mature road for once. 

        So, you'd sucked it up, and headed over, doing your best to follow the directions he gave you.

        Aikawa, despite being the most chronically late son of a bitch you knew, happened to be there first. Instantly, an air of awkwardness descends. Like you thought it would. Maybe you'd just be better off leaving. Before you can make up your mind, Risu comes to take you by the arm, pulling you towards the living room.

        "See?" he says, referring to his new apartment space. "Not too shabby, right?"

        The bed's set up at least. Well, not really. It's more like a mattress on the floor right now with some blankets thrown over it. No wonder he'd been so eager to jump into bed with you the night before...There's also just a chair awkwardly hanging out in the living room. 

        Such a dude set up. 

        Hopefully not permanent if he ever wants you to come over again.

        "Guess not. It's better than mine," you say with a shrug. Then, the littlest of smiles sneaks onto your face. "But, you know, I have a bed frame, you don't, so I win there." 

        That gets a look from Aikawa to Risu, which Risu decides not to acknowledge. Yeah...he hadn't exactly felt like telling Aikawa about what happened the night before. It's not a big deal or anything, what he does with his girlfriend in the comfort of her depression bed. It's none of Aikawa's business if he's not willing to get serious too. 

        Aikawa nods. His mask hangs at his hip for once. It's the first time you'd seen his face since...well since before the supply closet, technically. You hate that you kinda missed seeing it. 

        "It's nice man," he offers Risu, with his hands in his pocket. Then he glances over to you.

        You're quick to avert your eyes, not wanting to look at him while he's watching.

        Aikawa notices this might be the first time you've consciously chosen to stand closer to Risu than to him. You've always gravitated towards him more. Casual conversation? At his side. If you saw him and Risu in the halls at school, you'd usually looked to Aikawa first. 

        Now, he's not the type to get hung up on stupid things like that, much less notice in the first place, but...

        It kinda bothers him. 

        Risu gave Aikawa am 'I told you so' kind of look. 

        Should have gone to check on your friend instead of trying to be the cool guy, Risu thought, bitterly. 

        Aikawa's never been one to dance around stuff like this, either. It's hard enough keeping his one, worst secret. He doesn't see a point in having to keep any others, or shy away from the most taboo of discussions. He's always made it a policy to himself to leave freely whenever he has his mind about him.

        A huff comes from him, and he suddenly approaches you. Risu watches you physically tense. 

        "(Y/N)," Aikawa starts, and you still won't look at him, shying closer to Risu.

        His big, gloved hand reaches for yours. Risu's jaw clenches, as he watches carefully. A sight of relief, and an angry twist of his heart seems to come simultaneously when you let Aikawa take it. 

        "We should talk, shouldn't we? About everything." 

        "Oh, did Risu tell you to say that, or did you come to this conclusion on your own?" You ask, a bit testily. 

        "(Y/N)," Risu began, getting ready to interfere. 

        Aikawa lifts his other hand, showing his palm apprehensively. "No, no, it's fine," he said quickly, before casting his dark eyes back on you, "You got every right to be pissed at me." 

        "Why's that?"

        You still wonder if he even knows how he hurt you. 

        His gaze is steady. Unyielding. The most focused you've seen him in...well...ever, probably. 

        "Because I wasn't fair to you. I wasn't thinking of how everything was processing for you. Of how you were feeling--about me, Risu, everything between us." His thick brows knot a little and he tilts his head. "I wanted it just to be some fun. Y'know? I just wanted to help you feel nice, less lonely and all that. And it seemed like a good opportunity to do it, no strings attached."

        He takes a breath.

        "But maybe you and me--maybe we've always had strings. And now they're all tangled and fucked up and all I wanna do is straighten them out. So I'm gonna ask ya, before I say anything else--what do you want from me? From this? Right now. Just say it."

        His abrasiveness after how...gentle Risu had been was a little shocking. But you don't pull your hand away from his, which Aikawa thinks is a good start. 

        "I...I liked us all together," you admit, finally looking up at him. Your bottom lip trembles a little. "You were my very first friend at South Zagan. The only other student who even wanted to give me the time of day. M-Maybe that kinda turned into a crush or something. I dunno."

        Your hand still in Aikawa's, you look over at Risu. He's standing there, fingers in a fist. You reach for that hand, leaving him no choice but to unclench it. He has to, in order to take yours. 

        "Risu's been really good to me. A-And he wants to keep being good to me. And the other day, he had a lot of chances to just, leave you out to dry. But he didn't. He's the reason I even showed up today with you here...so I guess what I want to know is--"

        Aikawa's surprised by how serious your face looks.

        "Do you want to do this or not? 'Cuz if you wanna stay friends that's fine. You're always gonna be one of my best friends. But you're either in or out. I can't take anymore halfway bullshit."

        You cast a look towards Risu, looking for his approval. He nods.

        "All the same over here," he concurs. 

        Aikawa takes a moment to think. You wanted to feel troubled by that. But instead, you only wait, somewhat anxiously. Then, he nods. A smile slips onto his face. He has the kind of smile that just makes everything feel alright. Like nothing bad could ever happen. 

        "Yeah...yeah," he says, giving your hand a squeeze. "I'm all in." 

        Part of Aikawa wants to change his mind, call it off, pull you aside later when Risu's not around to let you know he was just trying not to embarrass you in front of him. That part tells him it's impossible to do this, it'll be too hard to keep the distance that makes sure everyone he cares about stays safe from...from whatever it is that comes after his migraines. But he thinks he can do this. Just avoid any conversations about magic, or potential magic, and it's all fine, right?

        Cause for what it's all worth, he does want this. It's all he's ever wanted, looking back when he spent all those hours with you on the rooftop, smiling, joking, feeling good. Feeling like he could talk to you forever and ever and never even notice the passage of eternity. 

        All the sudden he feels so...stupid for playing fake with you. For not addressing it all sooner. For not manning up and just telling you that he wanted to keep going.

        He'd just been...afraid. Maybe he'll admit that someday. But it can't be now. Not until he figures out what's going on with him. Not until all of that stops.

        Aikawa realizes the room has fallen into an awkward silence. He smiles again.

        "You know what this little party needs?" he asks, without looking for an answer. "So much more beer. Be back in fifteen."

        Then his hand's gone from yours, and he's out the door.

        A massive sigh leaves you. A notable weight is off your shoulders now. But you can't help but feel suspicious at his oh so convenient disappearance. You glance at Risu.

        "You think he's actually coming back?" you ask, although the bitterness in your voice suggests it's not really a joke.

        Risu realizes with a start that he kinda likes you more when you're not always trailing after Aikawa, with that lovesick look on your face. Even after the long talk, that look hasn't fully returned. Huh...he doesn't want Aikawa cut out of this, obviously. He'd never do that. Aikawa cares about you too, just kinda in his own way. And Risu doesn't want you to be something that fucks any further with his friendship with Aikawa. 

        Nothing can ever be simple can it?

        Risu snaps out of the mini trance he'd been in, only to find you suddenly on your knees in front of him. Your hands come to rest on his thick legs.

        "Woah, woah, what are you-" he starts, but doesn't move away. Not even a little.

        "You know, I feel like it's only fair," you murmur, open palm rubbing over his thigh, sliding down to grip just above his knee. "After what you did for me yesterday..."

        Risu shakes his head, hands coming to ball at his hips. So he doesn't grab a fistful of your hair and pull your head closer to his crotch. At the feeling of your hands rubbing down his quads, his cock's already starting to strain against his pants. When you'd been talking about him taking care of you earlier, he'd already started feeling a little too good then. 

        "You don't have to do that, honestly," Risu insists, but his body feels very differently. 

        It's not his fault--he'd been spooning you all night, last night, only to have to hit the streets early that morning while you'd still been sleeping. He'd wanted to get his new apartment just a little more presentable looking, knowing he'd invited you there. But that meant no relief for the morning wood, no kiss, no nothing. 

        You look up at him. "I want to." 

        Hard to argue with that. He's just relieved he'd gone with a different outfit today, two different articles of clothing rather than the very convenient coveralls he often chose. It's easier for you to get access to him. Your face draws closer, and Risu feels weak in the knees when you press a soft kiss to the front of his pants. 

        Gently, you unbutton his pants, pull down his zipper, start shifting the heavy fabric over his thick legs. It's hard not to marvel at his body sometimes. His cock is almost fully erect in his boxers, straining up against the much thinner fabric. A bit of a smile slips onto your face as you lean in once more to press your lips to the clothed head of his cock. Risu groans out, and you feel his hips flexors tense under your hands when you lick a long, slow stripe up the center of his boxers, coaxing him to a total hardness.

        He utters out a curse. He can't help but let his hand drop to stroke through your hair. It's the most he can do to prevent himself from just grabbing a fistful then and there, of dragging your face up against his crotch, of trying to get some kind of relief here. 

        You finally push down the waistband of his boxers, pulling his cock out. Risu hisses softly between his teeth as he's exposed to the colder air. The temperature issue is momentarily rectified when he feels the flat of your tongue overtop the head of his cock, before stroking along his shaft. The heat of your tongue and saliva turns icy with the air, forcing shivers of pleasure through Risu's body. 

        "Nghhh," he manages, wishing desperately he'd sat down on that chair before letting you do this, but not daring to move a muscle, less the bliss end.

        Slowly, you start to push his cock into your mouth, giving just the tip an experimental suck. Risu groans out again, fingers clenching tighter in your hair. You start moving down his length, taking more and more into your mouth. Aided with your saliva and some of his smeared precum, one of your hands strokes lazily from his shaft to the base. He lets his head tilt back, tattooed eyelids falling shut in pleasure.

        Then the door opens.               

        Risu's head snaps back up right, and you lose your pace, almost choking on him. You pull yourself off his cock hastily, going to turn your head to see what's disturbed you both. Aikawa stands there, door half shut under his hand, a six pack in his other hand. 

        Guess he was being serious. And apparently in a rush because the nearest convenience store was at least a fifteen minute walk away. Not ten. Had he been running? That might be why he's panting a little, beads of sweat at the edge of his tanned face, in his thick, dark sideburns. 

        You don't even know what to say to him, already ready to distance yourself from Risu.

        Aikawa drops the six pack haphazardly on the floor, not caring if the bottles broke. He slams the door shut behind him. Then, he's behind you in a matter of steps.

        "No, no, stay right there," he breathes out, big chest visibly heaving underneath his hoodie. 

        Confused, you remain still on your knees, your hand still wrapped around the base of Risu's dick. Aikawa pops open the button of his jeans, ripping the zipper down. 

        "Um-" you start.

        "I'm no good at carin' and all that stuff," Aikawa mutters, forcing his white pants and boxers down to just above his knees. His thighs are just as big as Risu's, tensed as he comes up closer behind you. 

        Risu's hand pulls needily at your hair. Sometimes you feel like those two are more in sync with each other than anyone else. It's like he understands exactly what's happening, meanwhile you're still kinda clueless and overwhelmed. Aikawa's upper body bends down so he can wrap an arm underneath you, pressed flush to your stomach. A gasp comes from you as he jerks you up into a different position, on your feet, legs straight. His other hand comes to press to your back, to force you to fold over, so your face is level with Risu's cock once more. Your hand had never left his body.

        "So sometimes when it comes down to it, you don't need words," Aikawa continues, a bit gruffly. "You just gotta show it."

        It would have been more uncomfortable if Aikawa's hips weren't snug against your ass, and his hand wasn't supporting you from underneath. You wonder if it's even much effort for either of these two men to throw your weight around the way they do. 

        His hand on your back drops to start dragging your sweatpants down. Sue you if you didn't feel like changing out of them after you'd woken up. Same goes for the oversized T-shirt Risu had picked out for you. Aikawa squeezes at a handful of your ass, then the back of your leg, before forcing a bent, armored knee between your thighs to widen your stance. You whimper at the friction, still turned on from all the noises Risu had been making earlier.

        He drags your underwear to the side, rubbing his gloves finger briefly between your folds.

        His voice comes heavy in your ear--he's bent over you, chest to your back just to speak into it. 

        "So go 'head and show us both." 

        Risu almost unconsciously pulls again at your hair, on the brink of tears he's so hard in your hand. He'd been getting close too. Aikawa gives him a sultry glance before straightening up, crotch still grinding up into your ass. His cock rubs up against your folds, teasingly, and you shudder. You can feel his thick pubes brushing against your skin--he doesn't bother to attend to them too often. Part of his "not trying" kind of charm. 

        With a groan, Risu shoves his hips again in your face, desperately trying to help you remember what you'd wanted to do in the first place. He wants your attention, your eyes on him again. To his pleasure, your lips brush over the swollen, overstimulated head of his cock once more. He practically melts up against you, face flushing almost as dark as his tattoos. His unruly hair's already starting to stick to his forehead from the perspiration gathering at his hairline as you begin to suck him once more. 

        He doesn't fit entirely in your mouth. It'd have been impossible and cruel to have expected that of you with the size difference between you and himself. One of your hands goes to brace itself at the flat of the juncture between his thick thigh and pubic hair. He doesn't know why, but the pressure just does something to him. 

        Risu's hips start to buck up against your face. Aikawa takes the opportunity to start sinking his cock into your pussy. Your moans are muffled by Risu's body. The vibrations of the sound make his eyes roll back in ecstasy, and his chest heaves with a heavy, short gasp. 

        "Hah-hahh, (Y/N)," Risu moans. "Keep going..."

        You pause, if only to drink in the feeling of Aikawa penetrating deep into you. His cock fills you well, snugly. It makes you wish you'd gone this far in the supply closet, but lord knows there wasn't the space in there for such an ambitious position like this. 

        Aikawa's cock starts to pump in and out of you, the lewd noise eliciting a kind of weakness in your body. You'd have sunk to your knees once more if it wasn't for Aikawa keeping you steady in this position. His hand is strong, warm, large against your lower stomach, adding a blissful kind of pressure. You moan out again, around Risu's cock, saliva starting to drip from the corner of your mouth. Risu's hips have started moving of their own accord, desperate for the feeling of your hot, amazing mouth and tongue on him.

        It's...it's getting to be too much.

        Aikawa's pace starts to increase, and you feel his fingers dig into your skin as he grunts out. His cock curves inside your cunt, and he grows more aggressive, slamming up into you. Each jerk of his hips sends you more into Risu's. It's hard to keep your head on straight at all, as you let your eyes fall shut, brows knotting in muted pleasure. 

        Risu finally cums into your mouth, hard. He'd have given a warning if he wasn't so caught up in his encroaching orgasm. But you look beautiful like that, his cum spilling from the corners of your mouth, slightly agape as you try to get your breath back. Aikawa seems pretty keen on fucking out any of your efforts to recover. Risu's legs shake, trying to keep him standing, his cock still twitching near your mouth, the last of his seed dripping.

        His hips tremble a little under the pressure of your splayed hands. He watches how you look lost in bliss yourself, his cum still on your face. It's enough to make him want to reach down and stroke himself, just to put more on your skin. Your brows knot as you start to gasp out. 

        Aikawa growls through gritted teeth, before his hips crack up hard against your ass. You cry out, legs shaking as you start to climax around his cock. With the way he's being squeezed inside you, Aikawa can't last much longer either. 

        "Oh shit," he snaps, as his once strong legs give out after he's cum. 

        He falls down flat on his ass, accidentally bringing you down with him. Again, from the force of the impact, he bottoms out inside you, and you cry out, tears starting to roll down your face from the overstimulation. Aikawa feels your body quake around his through your second orgasm, before you finally fall still, panting heavily.

        Risu takes the opportunity to drop down to his knees as well, trying to force his breath back. 

        "Good fucking God," is all he manages to say, at first, staring at the two of you. 

        Gingerly, Aikawa lifts you off of his cock. Risu's eyes train on the mixture of yours and Aikawa's release sticking to your thighs. Another shiver runs through you, as Aikawa places you down into his lap. His legs are crossed beneath you, as you fall back into his chest. 

        Cozy.

        "Maybe we should take a breather, man," Aikawa gasps. He tilts his head weakly in the direction of Risu's pathetically male floor mattress.

        With another satisfied exhale, Risu nods. "Couldn't agree more. Y'should help her out though. I don't think she's come back to this dimension yet."

        He gives a small nod. "I got it, don't worry." 

        Aikawa shifts your from his lap into his arms, braced up against your back and under your knees. Honestly, he might have been better off crawling to that damn mattress and dragging you by the collar of that ridiculously oversized T-shirt behind him. He staggers once he's on his feet, legs still weak. 

        Risu half assedly pulls his boxers and pants back up. He doesn't bother buttoning or zipping his pants again. He has no problem just taking the L and crawling over to the mattress on all fours, still lightheaded from the pleasure. Aikawa gets down onto the plush surface, gently settling you near the center. With a huff, he lays down fully on his side. You roll over on yours as well, eyes still shut. They open partway only when Risu gets on your other side, the one you're facing. 

        His mattress is bigger than yours, sure, but it's still a bit of a squeeze. 

        Risu doesn't have a problem scooting a little closer to you, nose almost to yours. Your head ducks a little so you can nestle into him, thoroughly exhausted. To be fair, he'd stayed pretty late last night. You hadn't fully recovered from the days of dehydration and crying too much and hard to bother eating. 

        Still, it's healing to just lay there with Risu and Aikawa. The latter is pressed up against your backside now, wrapping a heavy leg over yours. It's a comforting kind of weight. 

        Softly, you breathe out.

        "I like this a lot better..."

Chapter Text

Lately, you've been seeing less and less of him.

        The Cross-Eyes had done their best to hide their initial decline, after what happened in Mastema. Their boss had always kinda been pretty elusive, even before the disaster. Anyone in the know thought the guy was either dead now or hiding low. Waiting for a window of opportunity to strike back at the En Family, which only grew more powerful by the day. Rumor had it that even the Cross-Eyes' boss's inner circle didn't have a clue to the truth either. Not a great look for the organization.

        Dokuga told you about him once, in a rare moment of vulnerability. He said that the boss was...odd. But he was gonna help a lot of sorcerers, and he saved Dokuga and his friends awhile back. They owe him their lives. So even if he's odd, he can't be all that bad right?

        At the end of the day, all anyone really knew was that the boss was gone and no one's heard from him in a while. 

        They might have denied it, but the Cross-Eyes just started falling apart sometime after. It's not like they'd been fragile or anything. The boss could disappear for weeks a time apparently and the Cross-Eyes still functioned okay. But that was back when he'd come back after those disappearances. Now he's just...gone.

        You know the Cross-Eyes were the largest black powder dealers. It's where they drew their financial power and reputations. So perhaps with the boss gone, that production had dropped, and that's what was weakening everyone. You'd thought it was strange. Surely with one guy gone any solid operation like them wouldn't have just fallen to ruin, right?

        But you'd watched the Cross-Eyes disappear in real time.

        You'd been happy initially that you'd never gotten too involved with it all. Dokuga had told you it was better that way. That you don't need to take it upon yourself to join their noble cause. Cause the Cross-Eyes are gonna come out on top of all this, and they're gonna take care of everyone. All the weak magic users, and the low level sorcerers left to fend for themselves under the En Family's growing chokehold. The Cross-Eyes's promise was that they'd empower and protect them all from powerful sorcerers looking to exploit and harass them. 

        Some dream.

        You'd never been too fond of the extremist on either side. Of the way the En Family and Cross-Eyes both make people and bodies disappear. But after Mastema...

        If you have to choose between the two, you'll always go with the Cross-Eyes. 

        You'd never thought much of this loyalty.

        Dokuga was quiet as usual, watching you search for what he'd requested.

        Lately, he tries not to come around here, to your house, too often. He's avoiding you. You know that. You're a friend, sure, but he's learned fast that his friends seem to be disappearing one by one. Some had been killed by the En Family, by random sorcerers...some can't handle the withdrawals from their heavy black powder usage. Starvation has even become a factor. 

        His hoodie hides it, but he's really thinned out lately as the money's dried up. He's always denied any of your invitations to lunch, or dinner, anything concerning food. Or being seen with you outside of this house. 

        He just...he doesn't want you in the epicenter of all this misery. 

        It's just one more person he has to worry about.

        "It's been awhile," you'd muttered, rummaging through bottles, down on the ground. The removed floorboard sits by. "How are you holding up?"

        Dokuga just shrugs. "I'm not dead."

        That's doing pretty well for the way this town is going. With how nasty things are getting, Dokuga's surprised you've stuck around as long as you have. En could easily do to this place what he did to Mastema if he found out how many Cross-Eyes were hiding out here. Especially the boss's inner circle...surely there were others you could sell your smoke to. There had to be better prospects for you out there.

        You'd told him once, when he'd asked, that this place was home. You'd been firm about that. Hell, you'd met Dokuga here. It was special. You can't just throw a place like that away. 

        You're not quite black market, but you're not entirely legit either. Shaitan doesn't know of you, which is good. He's rounded up all the healing magic users lately and forced them to start producing for him and him alone. No outside competition allowed. Almost no sales concerning healing smoke can be made without Shaitan becoming wise to it, and then passing it up to En if it raised any red flags. 

        Or, worse, dealing with it himself.

        No healing magic business without an En sympathizer's eyes on it...

        You happened to be a very nice little loophole to his ever growing, unchallenged monopoly. 

        Your magic isn't awful. It's not the best healing smoke ever made. Maybe high C, low B tier, if you were ever brave enough to get it professionally graded. But it's a good thing, to produce medium-grade smoke, you think. It helps you fly under the radar. This allows you to continue helping out people or old friends like Dokuga. It's powerful enough to reattach limbs and heal deeper stab wounds or sicknesses with time. Regardless of its mediocrity compared to other, much better healers, it still comes with a catch.

        You can only cast once, every seven days. 

        It's a matter of smoke production, you think. Something that only surgery could correct. You'd never be able to afford that. And even if it could, you wouldn't. It'd just put you on the map and make you an easier target. 

        So, you basically work with a backlog of produced smoke, trying to constantly stay ahead of the demand. You try to keep that demand low, to stay just a local secret. To be honest, that demand's been dropping regardless. You can heal, not bring back the dead. And a whole lot more people in this town are ending up dead.

        Sorcerers of all levels around here are dying.

        You can't do shit to help that. 

        Plus, being worth a lot is the best way to get killed yourself in some petty spat between stronger sorcerers playing too hard. Sometimes joining the En Family if you're powerful can give some extra protection, but you'd never do that either. The guy turned an entire city and all of its residents into fucking mushrooms. 

        Cross-Eyes over En Family any day of the week.

        You glanced back and up, briefly, at Dokuga to make sure he didn't look impatient. There's really no sort of expression at all on his face, which doesn't ease your anxiety in the slightest.

        Definitely no reason you may have a bias regarding the extremely popular and controversial topic. 

         Finally, you find the bottle of smoke you'd been looking for. Typically, you try to 'take from the back' when you can. There's never been any sort of indicator that older magic was somehow less efficient. Especially when bottled and stored correctly. But for Dokuga?

        You pull the most recent, freshest one. 

        Dokuga sighs through his nose as you rise to your feet, and show him the bottle. 

        "Thanks. We need it."

        "You guys still living in that place?" you ask, eyes scanning over Dokuga's face once more. Your foot moves the loose floorboard back into place, sending the stash of smoke jars back into obscure, hidden darkness. 

        Every time you see him, he looks more and more tired. Probably from picking up so many odd jobs. From trying to make sure he and his friends at least have a bowl of rice to eat at the end of the day. Dokuga nods at your questions. It's not that he doesn't wanna talk to you.

        He just...he has to be careful. One stammered word, one flick of spit a little too close to you...

        Even now, he keeps his distance.

        Before either he or you can speak once more, there's a knock at the door. A sort of icy sludge starts to fill your veins. He sees the way your head snaps at the noise.

        "...You expecting someone else?" Dokuga asks, his own eyes already trained on the door. His hand's instinctively at the hilt of his sheathed blade.

        You shrug, trying not to look panicked or make things worse. "I never know who's gonna walk in that door." 

        You know Dokuga shouldn't be seen here, with you. People have done a complete 180 on Cross-Eyes lately. Obviously from En's influence. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? When the promises of the Cross-Eyes fell through following the disappearance of their boss, they lost the support of general, weaker sorcerers who went back to pining for a place in En's family. Sure, there's some ex-Cross-Eyes that wander the streets, looking for work after their glorious revolution had been crushed. Tattoo removal is expensive, even in the world of magic. A lot of Cross-Eyes without the proper backbone sought to have it removed, only to end up driving up the price of any sort of appearance-altering magic.

        They're trying to start fresh.

        The knock sounds again, a little more impatient this time. 

        You know how wary Dokuga is. How as one of the Cross-Eyes' boss's officers, he's more at risk. It's a surprise he's able to get some of the part time jobs he does. The inner circle had been wise enough to become as elusive as their boss. Maybe that's saved them from complete doom. 

        Not a lot of people can say they know a Cross-Eyes officer, or even what they look like. They'd been at the top of the pyramid then. No need to meet with them if there were dozens of other Cross-Eyes higher ups that could handle business and just send the reports or messages. 

        You tilt your head near the sofa. "If you duck behind that, whoever's there won't be able to see you from the door. I'll just send them away." 

        Dokuga looks at you. "You sure? Don't you need the business?"

        It's been getting harder for everyone...

        But still, you only shrug. "If they want off market, non-sanctioned, mediocre healing smoke that much, they can come back tomorrow." 

        Dokuga nods before sneaking down over to the couch, crouched against the back of it. You can't see from where you're standing and with your focus on the door, but his hand remains on the handle of his knife. Ready. You cast a nervous glance back before opening the door, to make sure he's really out of sight.

        When the door swings open, your heart drops. 

         Fuck .

        It appears that since he's standing at your very doorstep with a group of his lackies, someone tipped off Shaitan. One of the risks of doing this business with anyone, you guess. You can't think of anyone you could have pissed off enough to snitch on you...it's more likely they got caught using your non-sanctioned smoke and gave you up instead of being tortured or killed. 

        "So," Shaitan starts, " You're the little healer sorcerer selling without my say so?"

        "Uhhhhhhhhh," is the only thing that comes out of your mouth. 

        You slam the door in his face, locking it. Terrible move, but really the only one available to you, looking back. 

        Dokuga springs up over the couch, lunging to grab your hand. Don't you know you don't have the time to just stand there and be shocked about this? He already knows exactly what's gonna happen. Shaitan's gonna bust that door down, and either abduct you or kill you, or both, in that order. 

        Once, Dokuga had spent the night here, a really long time ago. He'd just been too exhausted to make it back to the hideout. Back then, something like that didn't matter. No one really stopped to count heads, thinking they were invincible behind the boss and whatnot. But because he'd spent the night here, he knows the gist of the layout. He knows that there's a back entrance--one that he can hurry you out of before Shaitan's people get wise to it.

        The shrubbery had been tame some time ago. He supposes you do your best to keep your head ducked and safe inside this house--so not much time for gardening. Now it's completely overgrown, so much so that it hides the back door. Probably why Shaitan hadn't been able to station one of his sorcerers there. The front of your little house and porch was practically crawling otherwise. 

        As Dokuga ran with you, two things occurred in his mind. One: your hand is very soft. Two: it's really obvious Shaitan came prepared. Although his men hadn't been at your backdoor, they're everywhere around the street. Dokuga preferred for this to go as quietly as possible. The last thing he needs is Shaitan running his mouth to En, telling him there was Cross-Eyes interference beginning once more. Things were tight and difficult enough as they were. 

        The only reason he'd even come to you tonight, besides checking in, was to try and grab another healing smoke bottle. They were down to practically nothing in the hideout now outside a basic first-aid kit. Dokuga wondered why he hadn't taken the time to make sure he'd nabbed a bottle of smoke or two from your place during the panic. He'd been close enough to do it. But no. He'd only cared about grabbing you and getting you out as fast as possible.

        He'll tell himself now that you're the source of the smoke. It's smarter to protect that than any bottles. That's why. 

        "It's not even above B-grade!" you marvel in a winded gasp, as Dokuga brings you to duck behind some shrubbery off the side of the road, anticipating the attention of Shaitan's sorcerers. "It's-I'm not worth this amount of effort!"

        Dokuga shook his head, one of hands coming to your shoulder to force you to duck down lower into the dirt with him. Thorns stick into him, through his white hoodie, and a soft hiss of pain comes from you as they prick into your skin. 

        In a hushed voice, once the sorcerer patrolling passes, he speaks. 

        "You're misunderstanding. It's not about how good the smoke is. He's trying to control all healing smoke. The whole market. You included."

        He sees your face tremble a little, like you're holding back tears. You're terrified of the idea of Shaitan getting anywhere near you. It's always been a building anxiety of yours, something you pushed to the back of your mind for the sake of doing business. But now it's a reality, right in front of your nose.

        Dokuga doesn't give you time to dwell any longer. Hand still gripped around yours, he pulls you back up, starting in the same direction as before. If he can just get you out of this neighborhood...you two should both be in the clear. The hideout is some ways away from here...

        After another torturous ten minutes of ducking, hiding, holding silent, and mad dashes for cover, it looks like the two of you are going to make a clean getaway. 

        Dokuga realizes he's miscalculated when a big, dark shape wanders somewhere in front of you two. He didn't realize they'd get brave enough to start looking in the thick woods. You freeze in terror, hand still clutched in Dokuga's. The sorcerer’s barely opens his mouth before Dokuga suddenly spits directly in his face. 

        The guy drops to the ground screaming, fingers clawing at his eyes.

        Right. Dokuga's magical death spit. He hates that you'd called it that once, when he'd finally told you about it, which you'd found entertaining. You need to take it more seriously. It's caused more headaches and grief than you could ever imagine. 

        You'd thought it would have been wiser to make a break for it, even if you'd been spotted. But Dokuga thought otherwise. He figured the sorcerer was gonna rat regardless, meaning Shaitan would know that you successfully escaped, and with a Cross-Eye of all things. Dokuga could pray all he wanted, that maybe it was too dark for the sorcerer to even get a clean look at his tattoos, but at the end of the day, no matter what, Shaitan will know you escaped with help. 

        So at least, with this guy blinded, he won't know what direction the two of you ran off in.

        The fact that the two you escaped would become very clear to Shaitan in a matter of hours, so all Dokuga cared about now was covering any tracks or leads as to where he might take you.

        Dokuga yanks you into the opposite direction of the street, where he'd once been going. Taking the main roads is quicker to get to the hideout. But there's always an alternative route. You follow Dokuga deeper into the woods. He doesn't stop until you're both panting for breath, until you're staggering and dragging behind him. Your lungs burn. 

        Slowly, he comes to a stop. 

        He sees how you can't help but glance back, in the direction he'd dragged you from.

        "You can't ever go back there," Dokuga says, a bit softly. "You realize that, right?"

        You look like you're about to cry again. The same expression stays on your face even as Dokuga finishes leading you towards the Cross-Eyes hide out. You can't stop thinking about how the only home you've ever known is probably being absolutely overrun with Shaitan and his scumballs. 

        The porch steps creak under your's and Dokuga's weight.

        "You can stay with us. Just for a bit. Until I can figure something out for you."

        You shake your head. Sure, you and Dokuga aren't exactly seeing each other every day, but you're not stupid. You know how bad his situation is getting. How little he has to spare, both in time, energy, and resources.

        "Y-You don't have to do that-" you begin to insist. He didn't have anything to do with Shaitan finding your house. Dokuga's not one to let himself be followed.

        "Look, I'm trying to help you out. If you leave this place now, you're gonna be wishing for a day when people were still trying to do that for you." He's quiet for a moment. "And Shaitan's still gonna be after you, even as you wander." 

        "You guys have enough going on...I-I couldn't."

        Dokuga's hand shifts up, to hold firmly at your arm. "Listen. I can't count the amount of times some of your smoke has made the difference for us. You could have left with everyone else early on. You could have joined up with Shaitan from the beginning, or the En Family to save your own ass, but you didn't. You sold to us for cheap when nobody else would. So please , let me help you, (Y/N)."

        You hesitate for another moment. You knew you helped people, but had never dwelled on it. It's not like you'd given your smoke away for free. You still had to eat. You'd still been profiting off of sorcerers who needed your help and didn't have any other choice. In your mind, you're no better than Shaitan. Just...less grossly and outright exploitative. But doing what you had to in order to get by, all the same.

        Dokuga's gaze stays solid on you. 

        Do what you have to, in order to get by.

        You nod. "Okay. Okay . Yeah. C'mon then, lead the way." 

        If this hideout had been something beautiful and grand, luxurious even, at any point, it was far in the past. When the black powder money started drying up, so did this place. But on the bright side, that means Dokuga doesn't feel all that inclined to give you a tour of the embarrassing living situation.

        It is what it is.

        Regardless, there's not much for you to sleep on. You're so exhausted from running and being terrified that it might not matter.

        Dokuga's a little embarrassed that none of the other Cross-Eyes officers are willing to give up even a spare blanket for you. But in their defense, they hadn't exactly known company was coming, nor could they afford it, nor were they pleased about it. But they begrudgingly allowed it, once Dokuga shortly explained the situation. 

        Still, he'd awkwardly apologized when you'd settled down onto the tile kitchen floor, arm propped under your head, a random dish towel keeping the hard material from being too harsh against your elbow. Your eyes are half-lidded, weighed heavy with fatigue. 

        "It's fine, Dokuga, seriously," you told him, voice soft so you wouldn't wake the others. You'd already felt bad that your and Dokuga's very late arrival had stirred them from sleep. "You guys weren't expecting me--I'm just grateful I'm safe and with a roof over my head, that's all."

        He still feels bad, wandering off to the bathroom he slept in. 

        Turns out, it's actually not fine, on the kitchen floor. You'd ended up only being able to sleep for an hour or two, goaded into what felt like a glorified nap from the exhaustion alone. You just...kept waking up. No matter how hard you tried to go back to sleep. It had nothing to do with sleeping on the tile floor in a moderately, kinda not clean kitchen either. 

        You just can't stop worrying about Shaitan. 

        Eventually, you give up, getting up off the floor. Sleepily, you make your way in the direction Dokuga headed off to. There's only one door in this hall, which thankfully prevents you from walking in on any of the other officers and waking them up again . Tentatively, you open the door. 

        From the little amount of moonlight coming from the broken blinds on a high up window, you can tell that it's a bathroom. Once your eyes adjust a little more, you see Dokuga sleeping in the bathtub, hoodie pulled up a little to cover his eyes. His moth mask isn't completely on, and his chest rises and falls slowly in his sleep.

        You feel bad, but gently, you pull at the sleeve of his hoodie, trying to wake him. 

        "(Y/N)?" he asks, voice raspy, as he sits up. He pushes the hoodie back fully. "What happened, what is it?"

        The way he snaps to alertness so quickly...you wonder if he's ever been able to be relaxed and let his guard down for more than a few hours to sleep these past few months. 

        "No, no, nothing. Um. Serious. I just--I can't stop worrying, Dokuga. I keep having, like, these mini-nightmares of him finding me here. And-and you guys all end up hurt and-"

        Dokuga's hand suddenly lifts, and his palm presses up to your mouth, silencing you. Had you been getting too loud without realizing? Perhaps the walls of this house were a lot thinner than you thought.

        "You're getting all worked up, just calm down," he breathes out. 

        A sigh leaves you, air from your nose heating his hand. It's too dark to properly make out the way you looked at him. 

        "Can I stay here, with you?" you ask, once he's slowly taken his hand away.

        Dokuga's quiet for a moment. He just doesn't have the heart to turn you down. Not after everything that's happened tonight. And he's too damn tired to get out of this bathtub right now anyways. 

        "At your own risk," he finally comments, a bit aloofly.

        Without hesitation, you climb into the bathtub with him. You feel him tense beneath you. He hadn't known you meant this close. He'd figured you'd just end up on the bathroom floor again. But he's not gonna be like his asshole friends and leave you out to dry. 

        He worries, as he feels your cheek press up into the crook of his neck. It's been awhile since he's let anyone get this close to him. What if he drools on you in his sleep or something like that? 

        Dokuga brings his hand to rest over your face, notably over your eyes. You don't protest. You already know what he's doing. The back of his hand might protect you from any of his saliva. And the weight is oddly comforting. He still feels nervous with you so near. Willing to put yourself in danger like this at your most vulnerable--while you're sleeping. 

        But you trusted him. 

        That brings him enough comfort to lull him back into sleep. The pleasure of the warmth of your slow breath on his skin is the last thing he thinks of. 

        The peace and pleasure is only momentary. It always is now.

        First thing in the morning, the other officers raise the question you didn't want to think about. What was to become of your smoke supply?

        "Y'know, all of her smoke is still back there." Saji is the first to point it out.

        "We can't just let Shaitan take it all," Ton adds in.

        Dokuga frowned. "We don't even know that he hasn't already taken all of it and cleared out by now."

        You shake your head. "I dunno. I hide it beneath the floorboards. It's not just out in the open for anyone to take." 

        He'd always kinda assumed you were just rummaging through a low or hidden cabinet. But floorboards ? That's a pretty creative hiding spot. Now that he thinks of it, before you went to answer the door, he might have recalled you moving your foot, with enough force to show in the rest of your body. Maybe that slam had been the floorboards being shoved back into place, not a cabinet closing. 

        Still, Dokuga shakes his head next. "It's too risky to go back there right now."

        Saji bristles. "It's too risky not to. If one of us gets hurt again, it can help. We don't know what's coming."

        A frustrated sigh comes from Dokuga. "We never know what's coming." 

        "Then it's better to be prepared, right?" Ushishimada chimes in. 

        You wonder if they always argue like this. Had it been like this when the boss was still around? 

        Dokuga casts a glance in your direction, as the tensions only seem to run higher. He wants to tell you that it's your call. But he also remembers what he told you in the woods. That you could never go back to that house. It was true. Even you have to know that. 

        But all you really care about now is repaying Dokuga's kindness. All of their kindness really, for letting you stay in this house.

        "We'll be careful," you say, slowly. 

        There's no question as to who 'we' refers to. Dokuga wouldn't let anyone else jump in on this possible suicide mission. Less bodies there means less people potentially hurt. And if he does get hurt or caught, maybe it'll be one less mouth his friends have to feed. 

        With that in mind, Dokuga and you return to your house. 

        At his insistence, you let him lead. He enters first, through that same back door. It was still ajar from when you and him had escaped the night prior. He's careful, crouched low, ready with his blade in hand. You remain close behind him, constantly glancing around.

        It's...it's too quiet. 

        You thought that to yourself again and again as you'd snuck into the kitchen aisle and headed for the floorboards. They're in place, where'd you'd kicked them back into natural position. When you pry it open, you blood runs cold.

        Nothing's there.

        What's worse, is the lights suddenly explode overhead. Dokuga shouts, suddenly grabbing your arm in one hand and pulling you behind the main kitchen aisle. Another spontaneous combustion appears where you had once been crouched. It blows the floorboards wide open, revealing the secret and very empty nook you'd once utilized so often. 

        Dokuga realizes it before you do. 

        It's a trap. Not a bottle of your smoke remained here now. Shaitan had found it all and destroyed it or taken it for himself. And what's worse, he'd left an explosive magic user here to guard, in case the two of you were stupid or desperate enough to come back. 

        He should have never let his friends talk him, or you , into this...

        All he could do now was what he'd been trying to do from the beginning--protect the source of the healing smoke, protect you .

        Knives can't do much against explosive magic. But he'd be damned if he didn't try. Just stupid decision on top of stupid decision, is all he thinks to himself, as he's caught up in another one of the sorcerer's explosive fields, and flung hard into the wall. 

        If you hadn't been there to drag him out, he probably would have been done for then. You think it might be pure adrenaline and desperation pumping through you, with how fast you're able to move, even with Dokuga's weight. With difficulty, he'd risen to his good foot, an arm over your shoulder. He gasps out, in obvious pain. You were too panicked to take a closer look at what had happened to him until you're a safer distance away.

        Once the sound of explosions fades away, you keep going in what you felt like was the right direction for another five minutes. Behind a big, fallen tree, you crouch down with Dokuga, sinking onto the damp forest floor. Dokuga groans out, loudly, teeth grit to prevent any louder noise from escaping him and giving either of you away.

        You realize with a start, his other leg, the one he hadn't been using, isn't sitting right at all. His foot's almost entirely detached, and looks even worse having been dragged behind him this entire way. His knee's fucked too, you can tell by how odd the angle of his entire leg is. Blood has entirely stained that entire pant leg. 

        Without sparing a second thought, you cast your smoke. It'd been pure chance that yesterday had been the final day in the cycle. The calendar you kept on the fridge used to track that. Now it's probably blown to smithereens. 

        Dokuga's shaking hand goes to grab at the collar of your shirt.

        " Stop , you're gonna waste it on me-"

        You look to him, tears in your eyes. "It's not a waste. Not on you."

         He's the only one that can get me back to their hideout. I'll be lost out here without him, is what you told yourself. But part of you knew that wasn't why you'd cast without hesitation. 

        After awhile longer of rest, the two of you know you can't stay there anymore. Not this close to your house. With a grunt, you start to stand up, wrapping one of Dokuga's arms over your shoulders. He's silent as he leans on you, doing his best to keep up with your pace. You stagger a little with his dead weight on you.

        "You can't walk yet," you gasp out. "Not on that leg. My magic needs longer than grade A stuff to heal you fully."

        He would have laughed if he wasn't in such intense pain. He doesn't think him or his officers have even seen grade A medical smoke in months now. So he just nods instead. The Cross-Eyes have used your smoke before for things like deep cuts, obtained on odd jobs. Sprained ankles maybe. Occasional migraines. But he'd never thought it would actually come in handy for almost broken off body parts. Maybe you undersell your smoke on purpose.

        He can't blame you. Smoke that can heal the type of damage done to him goes for a decent amount of money. Even if yours works a little slower. 

        It took twice as long to get back to the hideout with Dokuga limping. 

        The Cross-Eyes were not happy to see how injured their friend was. You're overwhelmed by the cacophony of noise and panic. You just tried to hold still as they swarmed about, battering you with questions and concerns and accusations and things you didn't process all the way.

        All you could do was shake your head when you thought you found a moment to speak. "There's nothing left back there. One of Shaitan's guys were waiting for us I guess and..."

        Not much else to that story. Dokuga's still quiet as you trail off, head dropping down. There's no way you think any of this was your fault at all, right? He frowns.

        "Look, I'm gonna get Dokuga back to his, uh, his room. He's not done healing yet."

        The Cross-Eyes start to clamor again and Dokuga finally looks up. 

        "It's. Fine. Now get out of the way."

        They look taken aback. Like they're more used to continuing to argue back and forth than falling silent. It must have taken a lot for them to listen and stand down. Tetsujo is the first to move. The rest follow, albeit a bit awkwardly. It's a worse feeling now, having four (and a half?) pairs of eyes following you and Dokuga both down the hall.

        Once situated, Dokuga just laid there, in the bathtub. You're kneeled at his side. 

        "How long?" He finally asks.

        "A day. M-Maybe two. It's been awhile since I've actually seen it in action. Usually it goes in the bottle and I never actually watch it get used." 

        Dokuga fixes you with his gaze. "You won't be able to cast again for seven days." 

        You hate this topic.

        So you shrug. "There's worse things." Then you lean your head into your arms, folded at the rim of the tub. 

        After a few, long moments of Dokuga typical silence, you find yourself drifting off. You hadn't realized how exhausted you were, once the adrenaline rushing through you had finally worn off. He watches you through half-lidded, multi-faceted eyes. He hadn't realize how exhausted you were either. 

        After watching you for awhile, to make sure you were asleep, slowly and hesitantly, his hand lifts. He touches over your head. He leaves his hand there to rest, allowing his own head to lean back on the back, rounded edge of the tub. To be honest, when rapid speed healing smoke is used, healing hurts almost more than initially being wounded. With this slower working magic, it seems like the pain is less sharp. 

        He shifts a bit uncomfortably.

        Still not great though. 

        Somehow, Dokuga's able to doze off, his hand still resting in your hair. 

        When he awoke, you were looking at him. 

        "Sorry," you say a bit softly, although Dokuga's not quite sure what you're apologizing for.

        "What were you think about?" He asks, unexpectedly, sleep not fully roused from his voice. Maybe he'd thought you staring at him was you staring off into space, deep in thought. His hand hasn't moved from your head. And you haven't made a motion to move it yourself.

        "Ummm..."

        His head cocks to the side.

        "Dokuga..." you start. 

        "Yeah?"

        "You think you'd ever...uhm...settle down with someone?"

        "...I haven't thought about it." 

        You look more embarrassed. Even with how dim the light is in the bathroom, he can see you're getting kinda red. Still, you shrug, voice getting a little quieter. "I was just thinking."

        "About me?"

        You start, fully looking at him now. "I mean--it's not like that-"

        "Then what is it like?" 

        A sigh comes from you. "It's complicated."

        He's quiet again. Long enough to make you wanna just get up and leave now. But something compels you to stay at his side. Waiting. Hoping. 

        "I'd never be able to get...close with someone. Even if I liked them. It's too risky. I've hurt people who've gotten close on accident before. It can't ever happen again." 

        "What if we were both careful?" You suddenly blurt out.

        Dokuga just looks at you. You're not sure what's going through his mind. You look away from him and start to get up. His fingers suddenly tighten in your hair, forcing you right back down. There's this kind of look on his face you've never seen before. Eyes wide, brows drawn, crinkles at his nose like he's about to break down. His jaw sets as he suddenly grabs your face with his free hand, tight, so you can't move any further away. 

        "You have any idea what you're trying to do to yourself? What you're asking for?" He pulls you closer. "I can't kiss you." His voice wavers. "Being near me is a terrible idea to begin with. A drop of a spit in your eyes and you could lose your sight forever. It goes in your mouth? It'll burn right through your lips, your cheek. It's a horrible idea, being with me."  

        But you're so close now...Dokuga had brought you this close. 

        You don't shrink away from him like he prays you will. 

        He watches you lift a hand, press two fingers to your lips. You lean closer to him and his breath catches in his throat. Gently, you press those two fingers to his lips, your own face drawing closer. Eyes shut, you press your own lips to the other side of your fingers. This 'kiss', so to speak shocks him, stuns him into motionless, long after you've pulled away.

        "See?" you say, voice soft, fingers still lifted. "If you want something bad enough, you can find a way."

        "...But, I don't-" he starts.

        "If you could be with someone. Without worrying. You would, wouldn't you? Even if it's just for a little while." There's a kind of bitterness to your voice. Because even if your not so hidden fantasies about him and you could come true...there's the matter of his boss. 

        Of how it's dangerous to even be alive and Cross-Eyes right now. Of how there's enough on his plate as it is, trying to hold everything together. Of how...

        How lonely he is. 

        Before Dokuga knows it, you've climbed into the bathtub, careful not to put weight on his bad leg. Your back is to his face, and you're sat down on his chest. What in the hell are you doing? He starts to sit up. You brace either of your hands on the side of the tub to stay put. 

        "What do you think you're-"

        "If my back is facing you," your voice comes low, "then you don't have to worry about getting any saliva on my face or in my mouth, right?"

        He's quiet. He feels your palms, warm over his thighs. He feels you lift the hem of his hoodie a little higher, giving you access to the crotch of his pants. Your thumb opens the button, and the zipper moves down. There's no hesitation to your movements now. You're...different. 

        A chill runs up Dokuga's body as he feels your fingers at the hem of his underwear. Under that hoodie, his body is surprisingly toned. Probably from the mixture of dehydration and malnutrition, too. From what you recall, even when the Cross-Eyes were doing well, he wasn't too big on eating. You wonder if he regrets turning down meals now. 

        Your hand delves under his boxers. Your fingers caress slow along the shaft of his cock, and you feel it twitch under your touch. A soft sigh escapes you, and Dokuga sees your body tense in arousal. 

        His leg hurts him a little bit, with you on top of him, even if you do your very best not to put any strain on him. He's not making any plans to tell you. He can't remember the last time he let someone touch him like this. He can't remember the last time someone has genuinely wanted to. 

        Just...touching, is fine, isn't it?

        The softest of whimpers comes from him, mostly through his nose, like he can't bare to make the noise. But he can't bare to be silent either. He tries not to look up your skirt. 

        Your finger traces over the head of his cock. He's sensitive there, trembles a little beneath you even. He feels you start to shift his pants down as gently as possible, so as not to disturb his injured leg. He hears you spit into your hand. For a moment he freezes up, feeling it slick along his cock, coaxing him to full hardness. He mutters your name, softly, to himself more than anything else. 

         This is fine. This is fine. 

         Your hand is soft on him. 

        He's sat, lost in the bliss of your palm pumping along his cock. He feels you shift on top of him and pays it no mind at first. But then he feels your lips on his tip. Dokuga's eyes open. 

        "Stop, stop," Dokuga starts, voice losing it's usual flatness. He doesn't know if his...condition extends further than just saliva. "You're gonna-"

        You take your mouth off of him. He watches you cast a glance over your shoulder. 

        "Get hurt?" you finish his sentence prompting him into another sullen silence. 

        But you see the genuine distress in his face. You can't help but sigh.

        "I'll spit, okay?"

        "What do you mean 'okay'?" He'd have sat right up if it didn't mean throwing you forwards and putting that weight onto his leg. 

        "Dokuga," you sigh, "If things keep going the way they are and by that I mean worse and worse...I'd rather just-just do this with you now."

        He'd always known you were a friend. Maybe even a good one. Better than good. But he'd never had the time to dwell on it any further than that. With the Cross-Eyes, and the boss, and the black powder operations...how could he have ever found the time? Of course now that it's all falling apart around him, he's seen more of you, cause he needs you for the smoke. That's it. Nothing else. It's all business with an old friend. 

        So then why is his heart pounding in his chest, while he sits beneath you. 

        There's a sort of shame in him. That what you're about to do for him, he'll never be able to do for you. There is no loophole, no two-fingered kiss, to get around that.

        He hates it. 

        You turn back around, to sink your mouth around his cock. Dokuga turns his head to the side. Fuck. No time for the wallowing bullshit when your tongue is stroking up his cock. Shakily, he lifts a hand to cover his face. His fingers tighten as you start to suck him once more. A gentle moan rolls from the back of your throat. He can't help but peek between his fingers, up your skirt, at your clothed pussy. How your thin underwear clings to its shape. 

        He's never cared about what's in fashion for female sorcerers nowadays, but... wow .

        His head lolls back, as a noise comes from the back of his throat, muffled by gritted teeth. His hand stays pressed over his face, fingers gripping like he's terrified it might come off. Ragged breaths move through his body as he struggles to retain his composure. Perhaps he doesn't think he's deserving of any kind of pleasure. That he's this dangerous weapon, not meant to feel such gentle touch. That he must stay away, and so others have to do the same. Keeping your distance is pointless if others won't offer the same courtesy, after all. 

        But you.

        No matter how hard he wants to push. He doesn't.

        How far away he wishes you would stay.

        You don't. 

        Had there always been this insistence in you to be near? Or had him saving and sheltering you from Shaitan fanned the ember to a flame? Regardless, the fire had always been in you. Dokuga's known you for a long time now. You're not the type to do this with just anyone.

        It was him, and him alone you wanted here, with you, in this dingy bathroom, in this rundown excuse for a house. 

        And no matter how much he tries to deny it or ignore it, it's simply the truth.

        You wanted him.

        Dokuga gasps out through his fingers, chest heaving, as he feels himself beginning to cum. You feel his hand grip at the back of your thigh--a warning. You were curious if his seed was poisonous like his saliva. But you knew you'd cast your smoke for the week, and it'd be better not to risk anything. All it would do would distress him, and you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself for that. So you set aside your lust for your friend, and reluctantly pull yourself off his cock. You can't help but give him one last, long lick, prompting him to twitch violently, before cum spurts from the head of his cock. You watch, almost hypnotized, as Dokuga tries to regain his breath behind you. 

        "T-Turn around," he manages.

        As carefully as you can, ignoring the throb between your own legs, you obey. You rest your chin upon his chest, which still moves with every one of his breaths. Your legs are splayed on either side of his, tempting him. But he just. Can't risk it. God, it would feel good fucking you right now though. 

        You would have been fine, laying there on top of him, ignoring the way your insides seem to remain aflame for him. How your cunt throbs for attention. Your body screams that it isn't fair, that he gets to cum and feel good tonight, while you have to lay there and ignore it. But the last thing you want is to push him further than he's comfortable. It was probably overwhelming enough for him to be touched like this tonight.

        One of Dokuga's hand drifts down over your back, to your hip. A little lower, and under your body. His shoulder shifts, torso moving so he can reach lower. You scoot up a few inches on top of him, so your chin rests on his shoulder instead. So he can reach you easier. He grunts as you shift on top of him, eyes half open. 

        He's careful to make sure it's the hand that hasn't been anywhere near his face and mouth. 

        "You don't have to," you mutter in his ear. 

        He shakes his head. "I want to make you feel good too." 

        His fingers slip beneath your panties. The tip of his pointer delves between your folds, searching for your clit. When he finds it, he begins to rub slowly, and you shiver on top of him, lower body quivering in need. He, himself, trembles at the throaty, relief-filled sigh he elicits from you. 

        "Maybe it's not as good as what you probably wanted," Dokuga says, softly, "but it's-"

        "It's perfect," you reply. "K-Keep going."

        He replaces his pointer with his thumb, letting his fingers drift lower. You feel one of them prod gently at your entrance, and shiver. Slowly, he pushes it in. You can tell he doesn't want to hurt you. But you're so goddamn horny out of your mind right now you kinda don't give a fuck.

        "More," you whisper into his ear. " More , Dokuga."

        Your moans in his ear are like torture to him. You feel his fingers curl up against your inner walls, thumb rubbing slow circles into your clit. With how aroused you'd been earlier, blowing him, it's not entirely your fault that you don't last long under his touch. Dokuga feels you writhe up against him. Your hips thrust up against his fingers, as you begin to reach your climax. 

        One of your hands reaches upwards to grab a handful of his hair. Your face buries into his neck, and he feels your teeth on his skin. He feels your release against his fingers. You moan out again, a little louder than the last time. You feel the cool porcelain of the side of the bathtub against your face, bringing you relief from the heat that had swallowed you whole. You pant against Dokuga, who slowly pulls his fingers out of you. 

        "Ohh, Dokuga," you sigh out. 

        His hand lifts to grab at your lower back.

        "...Thank you," he breathes to you.

        His hand slips from his face.        

Chapter Text

hell of a blue night

*work is from Kinktober 2025 one shot collection but falls into this fandom-- avoiding posting the same one shot twice