Archive of Our Own ^beta

Warriors face was stuck in a perpetual frown as he watched the river water rush over his hands. 

He was in a rare state of disarray, armour off and his scarf soaked with water in between his hands. 

The captain was deep in thought as he lathered the brilliant blue fabric with a bar of soap, replaying the events of the battle they had. 

They had spotted the camp before the monsters saw them, Warriors had relied on Wild’s scoping capabilities to throw together a decent enough plan to take out the monsters as quickly as possible. 

And for the most part it went well, until Wild and Wind abandoned the plan, going from their perches to the ground to take on the big boss bokoblin. 

The Vet and Traveller had fought a group of bokoblins, getting overwhelmed quickly by the pig-like beasts and Warriors was left to abandon his own spot covering Four to do the Sailors job - helping where it was necessary. 

They had succeeded anyways, the worst injury being a semi-deep gash across Four’s arm, due to having had no cover anymore,

Warriors had checked over their smith, treating the wound easily with some bandages. They had agreed at the start of their adventure to keep fairy and potion uses for the severe injuries. 

Wars had scoured the field, eyes landing on the Cook and Wind who were chatting to Twilight. His face was set in a grimace as he strode over to the group, eyebrows furrowed and lips in a straight line. 

“What the hell was all that?” His Voice was calm, his face the only betrayer of his disapproval. 

“Cap’n did ye see tha’?” Wind rushed out, slurring his words together in excitement. 

“What?” He had both arms crossed over his chest, his voice had taken an edge that made Twilights small smile he previously wore morph into a frown. “Your blatant disregard for our plan?”

Winds excitement dissolved like a cloud of smoke, Wild looked confused towards the Captain, eyebrows drawn close and head tilting. 

“I don’t know what you were thinking!” Warriors voice rose in volume. “Wild, you were supposed to call out when one of the others got overwhelmed!” Warriors eyes snapped so quickly to the cook, Twilight wondered if it made him dizzy. 

Wild looked even more confused, “But you said we should take down the boss when we got the chance?” He mumbled, side-eyeing Twilight who was intently looking at Warriors. 

Warriors turned back to Wind, who looked sheepish. “And You,” Warriors voice grew cold, it reminded Twilight of being scolded by a severely disappointed Rusl. “You were supposed to cover anyone who needed help.” Warriors started to wave his hand around as he spoke in a raised voice: “I had to abandon my spot to help the Vet and Hyrule.” Wind curled into himself, his throat feeling tight from holding back unshed tears. “ Four got hurt because you disregarded orders!”

The other heroes were drawn to the conversation at the mention of their names, Time and Sky had watched from afar since Warriors stormed over to the three heroes, feeling unsure of how to properly de-escalate the situation.

Times  scolding meant little to the Captain, their past dynamic greatly obscuring the general role of authority he held among the group. He was rooted in place, watching the disaster unfold with a frown, Sky looking concerned at the Captain. 

“Wars” Twilight injected, watching how worked up the captain had gotten. “I think tha’s ‘nough for now, yeah?” Twilight’s eyes shot to Wind, the sailor had snivelled a few times, and the champion had found sudden fascination with the floor as well. 

Warriors glare shot to the Rancher, who kept his face neutral and didn't approach the other hero. “Yellin’ at ‘em ain’t gonna do none” 

“Listen Twilight you have no idea—” Warriors enraged eyes turned to him, and Twilight build himself up from his neutral stance. 

“I said tha’s enough” Twilights certain voice and stern expression left Warriors struggling for words, the wind suddenly taken from his sails. 

He looked around, seeing Time’s unsure frown, Legend and Hyrule were watching wide eyed, the captains rage a surprise to the duo,  and Four examined Warriors with a calculating frown, gaze strangely emotional for the usually calm smith. 

Warriors turned back to Twilight, eyes trailing to Wild who had started to intensely stare at the ground, brows drawn together harshly and mouth close to a snarl. Warriors thought he looked like he tried hard to remember something. 

The captain shot his look over to Wind, whose head was also turned to the ground, eyes squeezed shut, fists balled and shaking lightly. 

Twilight sighed, “Go cool off Cap’n, there’s a river ‘bout hundr’d yards south.” The rancher gestured into the direction he had heard the flowing water earlier, “I’ll find you.”

Warriors didn't know why, but the gentle voice with which Twilight directed him was enough for him to turn around and walk off, steps fast enough to be almost running. 

Once he had arrived at the rushing waters it was as if he was snapped from a trance, and he took a few quick breaths, calming his fast beating heart. 

Now here he was, thinking, again, hands turning red from the cool river water. 

Wars knew that not all of the heroes were formally trained knights —soldiers, like him. Yet he thought he was clear in his plan earlier. They were meant to decrease the number of bokoblins, so that, once they were all dead, the group could tackle the big boss together,  safely. 

He drew his brows together, that wasn't so hard to understand, was it? That’s what ‘when we get the chance’ meant, after all. 

The captain wrung out his scarf, now clean from the blood that had splattered it. To their luck none of the monsters were infected. 

Warriors smoothed out the fabric between his hands, he remembered getting it with his green tunic. The hero’s garb, Impa had said, highly esteemed and connected with the legendary hero of hyrule. 

He hadn’t felt like a hero during the war of ages, a hero wouldn't have killed so many men and women, wouldn't have had full battalions turn on him out of contempt and fear. A hero wouldn't yell at his fellow heroes like that. 

The captain tightened his grip on the blue fabric and looked around, spotting a long branch he could hang his scarf on to dry. 

He sat down on a nearby rock, his armour resting on the forest floor next to him. He could never be mad at the people who turned on him, he knew why they did it — they were sick, hungry and tired, tired of war, of losing people they loved.

They believed eliminating him, the cause of the war that had robbed so many people of their lives, would finally end the bloodshed. 

He sighed, it didn’t soothe the aching in his chest, the small part of him that resented those troops, those people trained and untrained who chose to go against their kingdom, who wanted him gone. 

He remembers those words Cia had said to him, and sometimes he felt it, the darkness within him. 

Warriors felt it earlier today, he thinks, when he saw how Wind and Wild disregarded — no, misunderstood his plan. It felt as if they hated him, that it was personal, that they united against him to betray him. Then he felt it again when he looked at them both with Twilight, excitedly relaying what happened to the rancher who kept a pleasant smile on his face. He knew he tended to paranoia, but through the lense of  hindsight he knew this was different. 

He was jealous, Warriors knew that about himself. Jealous of those that could choose their paths, of those who had someone home waiting for them, of Wind for his cheerfulness, of Wild for his resilience, of Twilight for his maturity. 

The captain picked up one of his shoulder pieces and started rubbing over it with the hem of his tunic to polish off the dirt. 

He knew it wasn't fair, Wind had his childhood taken from him, he was freshly twelve when his first adventure began. The Sailor has had more adventures than him and more to come, and yet Warriors was jealous of him for not being consumed by the sadness, for not submitting to the damage being a hero caused. 

No, Wind remained his bright self, he was still a kid through and through despite having been forced to grow up so quickly, despite insisting he was as much of an adult as the others. 

Warriors missed that part of himself, when he was much younger and able to laugh, when he wasn’t plagued by the nightmares of watching his people be slaughtered because of him, when he didnt know how difficult it was to write condolence letters until the early hours of the day. 

He missed the parts of him that died during the war. 

His thoughts wandered to Wind holding back tears, afraid to show weakness in front of someone he looked up to and Warriors felt terrible, a black hole of guilt opening in his stomach as he recalled how sad their youngest hero looked. Scolded like he had failed the entire team, holding back his anguish in fear of harsher punishment. 

Warriors looked at his hands, scars decorating the surface of his skin, some superficial and faded, others much more severe. He could pinpoint the ones he had received as disciplining. They would teach him to not disrespect his superiors, they said, eventually they did, not a hair out of line. 

Warriors mind fought against the effort to remember those days, shielding itself through vague feelings of pain, through blurred pictures of superiors peeking down at him. He knows those people weren't above laying hands on someone inferior to them in order to punish insubordination. Warriors knew that well. 

Would he have struck the sailor? Was that discipling? Warriors tried to tell himself that he wouldn't have repeated any of those things his superiors did to him, making him train until his blisters had blisters, until he passed out from exhaustion.

The faint sensation of pain spread through his palms not palpable enough to be painful but his body remembered what his mind tried to forget. 

What if all his compassion died in the war too, alongside the happy child that was unburdened by fate, war and sorrow? 

Had he ever shown anybody compassion since the war ended? His breathing had started to fasten at the thoughts racing through his mind, his hands tightly gripping the shoulder piece as he spiraled downwards. 

His mind wandered to Wild, his utter confusion and look of shame at being scolded, as if he were a child, unable to listen and causing trouble. Warriors felt like a terrible person for making an esteemed knight like the champion feel so horrible. 

Warriors hadn't tried to make them feel bad, he had taken their misunderstanding as a personal attack, and lost his temper. Now he had to gripe with the aftermath, his reckoning of not having broken the cycle. 

Was he even better than his former superiors? He had hurled verbal abuse towards the two heroes, blaming them for his failure to properly communicate and for Four getting hurt. 

He didn't even ask if they were alright. He just yelled at them and then walked away, tail between his legs. 

Warriors frown deepened. Wild probably felt so much worse about this whole fiasco, he probably blamed himself, blamed his lost memory for all that happened, for not remembering what a strategy plan looked like. 

Wars thought back to the knight. He admired the champion, how his fighting was instinctual, how, although he had lost memory of everything, he was probably more skilled at fighting than Warriors himself. 

Wild had prevailed through his whole adventure, through broken memory and scavenged resources he defeated the greatest evil to save his princess, and his kingdom. He was a valiant knight, and Warriors was jealous of that, jealous of the mental strength Wild had built and that the Captain lacked. 

His heart felt heavy, admitting it so freely to himself, but it was true. Wild, with all he had lost, was so much more resilient than him, so much more adept at surviving in the wilderness, so much more skilled. 

Warriors had stopped rubbing dirt from his shoulder plate, too lost in thought and his revelations to notice anything surrounding him, such as the dark beast that watched him, concern swimming in its blue gaze. 

Warriors only broke free of his stupor when he noticed an all encompassing shadow and Twilight sat down next to him

“Cap’n?” He asked, eyes jumping between Warriors own, voice calm but worried. 

“I’m sorry.” He said, barely even taking Twilight’s features in. His thoughts spiraled back around to his earlier jealousy now that he was looking at the rancher. 

His heart ached and the pit in his stomach grew astronomically in size. 

Twilight was all the things Warriors wanted to be when he joined the army.

 He was responsible, always ready to take on any challenge posed to him, he was strong both physically and mentally, an unbreakable spirit. 

He was good with animals, had a sense of humour but was always reliable and capable to be serious when the situation required it. 

Twilight was what Warriors thought of when he heard mothers dream about a perfect son, he was what everyone expected the captain to be when he was announced hero. 

Warriors was nothing like the ranch hand, and Twilight was everything Warriors wanted to be. 

“Wars?” Twilights concerned face was all of a sudden in his field of vision again, “Are you Alright?”

Warriors vision was blurry, and his throat felt as if barbed wire was wrapped around it when he swallowed. 

He sniffled and fell forwards, head landing on Twilights shoulder, who, taken off guard, wrapped an arm around the Captain. 

“Hey, ‘s a’right” He murmured, feeling the shaking of Warriors shoulders. 

Warriors tried to breathe, he felt terrible, like a failure and humiliated. His inner world raged like a battlefield, his hard trained stoicism fighting against his fragile sense of self as he tried to keep it together, tried to retain a shred of sanity. 

Twilight was used to comforting people, whether it was the children of Ordon, who often required a pick-me-up, or even the Queen herself who insisted he keep her company when he was around, usually it was to keep her from losing herself in her work. 

Even on this adventure, he had kept his comfort appropriate to each hero, knowing that where Legend required space, Four wanted a comforting presence to ground him and Time needed someone he could rationalise his thoughts with. 

Warriors though, had never sought comfort from any of them like this, Twilight was worried but impressed at how well the captain could keep himself together, building walls around himself that put Hyrule Castle to shame. 

Seeing someone he had at first perceived to be so unshakable break down in front of him, and seeking such close comfort, was, frankly, shocking. 

It took a bit before Warriors had stopped crying, breathing laboured but calming. He took his head off Twilight's shoulder, the other hero's arms letting him break free. 

“Sorry..” He said, uncharacteristically fragile. 

Twilight shook his head, “Talk to me Wars,, what’s the matter?” 

Warriors turned on his spot, facing toward the river, elbows on his knees and hands holding his chin. 

“I-” he started, shook his head and sighed “It’s silly” 

 “C’mon, tell me what’s on ya mind” Twilight nudged him with his shoulder. 

Warriors felt stupid, he couldn't tell Twilight what exactly bothered him, it was kinda silly, but it did bother him to the point of showing such blatant weakness in front of one of his teammates. 

“I feel horrible for yelling at Wind and Wild” He confessed, eyes firmly watching the rivers flow. 

“I don't know what came over me,” He sat up, back straight, Twilight heard a scared lilt in his voice, “I don't know what I would’ve done if you hadn't sent me away.” 

Twilight looked at the Captains profile, jumping from the slope of his nose to his bitten lips to his hair to his eyes, trying to grasp for words, but Warriors had started to talk before he could make a sound. 

“They didn't mean to misunderstand the plan I know but in that moment it felt as if they disrespected me!” Warriors turned his head around to the Rancher, “I know they didn't, they wouldn't, but I felt so inexplicably attacked as if they did it with intention.” 

Warriors voice was shaking, eyes wide and brows drawn together. Twilight put a hand on his shoulder.

“I think they know ya didn’t mean to yell at ‘em” Wild had looked so confused, Twilight knew the expression he had then, trying hard to remember but whatever it was, the memory slipped through his fingers, impossible to grasp. 

Wind had stood there snivelling apologising to him as he calmed their sailor down, it broke his heart. 

“But I first wanna know what caused this Wars, ya ain’t normally so…”

“Fragile?” Warriors chuckled deprecatingly. 

“Now I didn't say that.” Twilight held a small smile for the captain, hoping Warriors took the moment to open up to him. 

“I just, I—” He took a deep breath to calm his raging thoughts. “The feeling reminded me of what my superiors used to look like, the Sailor reminded me of myself, trying hard to keep it together so there would be less of a punishment.” He swallowed hard, vague memories of yelling and punishment chores imposed on him floating at the back of his mind. 

“I never wanted to be like that, a man who yells at children to feel better.” His face contorted into a wry smile “Guess I’m on the way though, huh?” 

Twilight shook his head, “Ya ain’t nothin’ like that, Wars, ‘n I think ya know that too.” 

Twilight sighed, “Adults like that, the kind that yell at them kids to feel strong, they don’t go thinkin’ ‘bout the harm their words do.” 

Warriors watched the rancher from the corner of his eye, the rancher’s own face now turned to the river. 

“Ya do though,” he turns his head back to the Captain, “Ya sittin’ here thinkin’ ‘bout what ya did ‘n you feel bad ‘bout it.” 

Warriors hummed, the words echoing in his mind. 

Twilight sighed loudly, “Look Wars, ya ain’t no bad person for losing ya temper.” 

“I know” Warriors did know, his superiors wouldn't spare a second thought about what they had said and done, they’d never stoop so low as to apologize to him, but it was difficult to accept the truth nonetheless. 

“Thanks Twi,” Warriors smiled timidly at the rancher, “You were very helpful.”

Twilight grinned, getting up from the rock they had sat down on. “Jus’ doing the big brother work as I oughtta” He held a hand out to Warriors and hauled the captain to his feet. 

“Let’s get back to camp ‘fore the others think we fell into that here river” Twilight led the way, waiting briefly so Warriors could gather his belongings.

One thing he had taken from this, Warriors thought as the two heroes walked back towards the camp, he wouldn’t stoop so low as his superiors did, he would be better, he will become the kind of man he was always aspiring to be and he would put as much work into that as it took. 

With Twilight’s voice providing suitable background noise, Warriors braced himself for the most important step he had to take –admit his faults and apologise.