Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Melanie: Please, basira, after everything we’ve been through together. You can’t do this.
Melanie: I’m sorry basira.
Melanie: I’m begging you. Don’t do it.
Basira: It has to be done.
Melanie:
Basira:
Melanie:
Basira: *Places +4* Uno.

*meep*

Sasha: Truth or dare?
Tim: Dare.
Sasha: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room.
Tim: Hey martin?
Martin, blushing: Yeah?
Tim: Can you move? I'm trying to get to jon.

*meep*

Jon: Everyone, calm down! We're grown-ups, let's deal with this like adults!
Basira: So, we're just going to wing it and hope for the best?
Jon: Obviously. Now, daisy, pass the shovel.

*meep*

Tim: I just ended a five year relationship.
Georgie: Oh no, are you okay?
Tim: It's okay, it wasn't mine.

*meep*

Daisy: You three, explain right now!
Basira: It was sasha.
Georgie: It was sasha.
Melanie: It was sasha.
Sasha:
Sasha: …fuck.

*meep*

Daisy: Are you tall enough to play basketball though?
Melanie: Are you calling me short?
Daisy: I'm calling you vertically challenged

*meep*

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-
Jon: No returns.
Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

*meep*

Tim: jon, we tried things your way.
Jon: No, we didn't.
Tim: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

*meep*

Daisy: How do you do that?
Melanie: I'm fearless.
Martin: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad.
Melanie: I'm mostly fearless.

*meep*

Tim: I can’t believe my birth certificate says F...
Tim: ...How did I fail being born?

*meep*

Daisy: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times.
Basira: You mean you stabbed them?
Daisy: They ran into my knife.

*meep*

Martin: Do you see yourself as a glass half-full or glass half-empty kind of person?
Jon: Half-full, definitely.
Jon: Half-full and constantly rising.
Jon: Soon the water will escape its container and consume us all.

*meep*

Jon, to the squad: And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you’re doing it all wrong.

*meep*

Tim: What's the scariest horror movie you've ever watched?
Sasha: IT.
Georgie: Annabelle.
Daisy: Paranormal Activity.
Jon: High School Musical. All throughout high school I was scared that everyone was gonna randomly get up and start singing and dancing, and I would be the only one who doesn't know the words.

Chapter Text

Sasha: jon, wake up!
Jon, half asleep: Five more minutes…
Sasha: You’ve been in a coma for two years!
Jon: …
Jon: Okay, two more minutes…

*meep*

Melanie: Which country has the most birds?
Melanie: Portu-geese!
Georgie: That's a language.
Melanie: Portu-gull?
Georgie: Good recovery.
Tim: I think you mean good re-dovery.
Ivy: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?

*meep*

Nastya: I have been tricked, I have been backstabbed, and I have quite possibly been bamboozled.

*meep*

Raph: So, I've been thinking Daisy-
Daisy: That's dangerous.

*meep*

Daisy: How do you tell someone their breath stinks?
Tim: Hey, I'm bored, let's drink mouthwash.

*meep*

Tim: Boo! Boo, I say!
Jon: Tim?
Tim: Oh, I am not Tim. I am the scariest thing known to mankind. A failed math test!
Jon: Yeah, right… I’m gonna move on now…
Tim: You can run, but it won’t be to the college of your choice!

*meep*

Daisy: It’s time to turn this into a real business.
Nastya: What do you mean? Like, carry a briefcase, and wear a tie, and pay taxes?
Aurora: Wait, have you not been paying your taxes?
Ivy: I handle our accounting.

*meep*

Marius: But that place is haunted.
Daisy: Ghosts prey on fear. Just be confident!
Marius, marching into the haunted house I AM NOT SCARED! I AM NOT A PUSSY!

*meep*

Jon: Watcha doin?
Melanie: Stealing my neighbour’s cat.
Jon: Scandalous.
Jon: Can I help?

*meep*

Ivy: That's a nice arguement, Jon Why don't you back it up with a source?
Jon: My source is that I made it the fuck up!

*meep*

Basira: I made tea.
Melanie: I don't want tea.
Basira: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea.
Melanie: Then why did you tell me?
Basira: It's a conversation starter.
Melanie: It's a horrible conversation starter.
Basira: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

*meep*

Marius: Have I ever told you that I love you with my whole heart?
Sasha: For the love of all that is holy, I am not taking you to McDonalds. It’s 2am!
Marius: Mean.

*meep*

Nastya: I know how this must look but I can assure you we have a perfectly logical explanation.
Martin: Yeah! We’re cowards!

*meep*

Jon: How’s practice going?
Nastya: Terrible. I want to stab everybody there.
Jon: Okay, just don’t get any blood on your clothes.
Nastya: …you shouldn’t be condoning this.
Jon: Don’t tell me how to live my life.

*meep*

Georgie: GP Tim, if you don't shut up I'm going to throw myself out of the car.
*click*
Georgie: DID YOU JUST TURN THE FUCKING CHILDRENS' LOCK ON?!

*meep*

Tim: I can't believe you've done this.....
Sasha: I'm sorry I didn't know-!
Tim, on the verge of tears: YOU CAN'T JUST BUY ME A GIFT OUT OF NOWHERE NOW I FEEL LIKE A HUGE ASSHOLE!

*meep*

Aurora: You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun.
Aurora: That's why I own TEN guns.
Aurora: Just in case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder.

*meep*

Marius: GP Tim, I rebuke thee! I rebuke thee!
GP Tim: Rebuke? Is that a word?
Marius: You have all invoked my fury! You will all pay recompense for your transgressions!
GP Tim: What, you got like a word-a-day calendar or something?

*meep*

Tim: Hey bro, what do you want to eat?
Jon: The souls of the innocent!
Nastya: A bagel.
Jon: No!
Nastya: Two bagels.

*meep*

Jon: Why are you drinking, Brian?
Brian: I don’t drink anymore, so don’t start with that.
Jon, holding an empty water bottle: So why was this under your bed?
Brian: WE NEED WATER TO LIVE!
Jon: NOT IN MY DAMN HOUSE!

Chapter Text

Brian: If I say yes am I joining a cult?
Daisy: Possibly.
Brian: I’m in.

*meep*

Jon: And if you have any suggestions, please put them in the suggestion box.
Martin: That’s a trash can.

*meep*

Sasha: What's the most illegal thing you can do with one dollar?
TS: Exchange it for a hundred pennies, put them all in a sock, and then beat someone to death with it.

*meep*

Marius, about to leave the house: Don’t spend all day watching YouTube, okay?
Jon: I FORGE MY OWN PATH!!

*meep*

Georgie: What's the worst thing you guys have done?
TS: Rickrolled my teacher in 4th grade.
Tim: I kicked Raph in the shin-
Raph: -So I kicked Tim between the legs.
Jon: I burned a town down.
Georgie: What?!
Raph: What the hell is wrong with you?!?
Jon: A lot of things.
Tim: No shit.

*meep*

Basira: sSSSHIT- I BURNT MY LIP-
Jon: ...Why the fuck would you even drink coffee with a METAL STRAW in the FIRST PLACE??
Basira: BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF THE PLASTIC ONES!

*meep*

Sasha: So, did everyone learn their lesson?
Jon: No.
Daisy: I did not.
Georgie: I may have actually forgotten one.
Ivy: Also no.
Sasha: Oh good, neither did I.
Martin: *Exhausted sigh*

*meep*

Melanie: Pick a card, any card.
Marius: Fine.
Melanie: Wait, that's my credit card!
Marius: You said any card.

*meep*

Georgie: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was changing their name to Jon.

*meep*

Marius: Talk dirty to me~
Jon: Inflation is a serious problem and lumber prices are at a high.
Marius: Wha-
Jon: The economy is in shambles.

*meep*

Nastya: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.
Aurora: That's great, Nastya. Especially considering the fact we've been dating for 6 fucking years.

*meep*

Sasha: *enters their own password* I'm in.

*meep*

Sasha: Wow, this parking is as straight as I am.
Jon: I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!

*meep*

Daisy: So what’s for dinner?
TS: I can’t tell you, it’s a soup-prise!
Daisy: …
Daisy: Is it soup?
TS: I soup-pose it could be! *winks*
Daisy: Please, enough with the soup puns!
TS: Wow, you’re soup-per mean.
Daisy: STOP!
*one hour later*
Daisy: It’s fucking tacos?!?!?!

*meep*

Nastya: That's not funny.
Raph: I thought it was funny.
Nastya: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.
Raph: in my defense the funeral was very boring.

*meep*

Jon: Tim, my old friend!
Tim: I think you tried to kill me at some point.
Jon: That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.

*meep*

Georgie: You know, Pinocchio could tell us so much about the universe! He could randomly claim stuff like “The Big Bang happened” and his nose would confirm or deny our theory.
Melanie: Pinocchio’s not omniscient, you dumb fuck! His nose only grows when he’s intentionally being dishonest!
TS: Things are heating up in the Pinocchio fandom…

*meep*

Jon: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.
Jon, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

*meep*

Melanie: Hey, how did my phone break?
Daisy: You were drunk yesterday.
Melanie: And?
Jon: You threw it.
Melanie: Why?
Basira: You turned on airplane mode and kept screaming “FLY DAMN YOU!”
Melanie: And why didn’t you stop me?!
Tim : We were busy laughing our asses off.

*meep*

Tim : You remind me of the ocean.
Basira: Because I'm deep and mysterious?
Tim : No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

Chapter Text

Melanie: Murder literally doesn’t hurt anyone!
Raph: What are you talking about? Of course—
Sasha, holding out a hand to shut Raph up: No, no, she has a point—
Ivy: Hey Marius, check out this funny .GIF I found!
Marius: It’s pronounced “jif”.
Ivy: Huh?
Marius: “Dot jif”, like the peanut butter. The creator said so.
Ivy: That’s dumb, it’s Graphics Interchange Format.
Marius: The P in .JPEG stands for “photographic”, but I bet you don’t say “J-pheg”.
Ivy: “P” on its own isn’t pronounced like “F”, that’s totally different!
Marius: It’s exactly the same!
Ivy: Name one word that starts with “G” pronounced like “J”.
Marius: Gentrification.
Ivy: Shoot, should have thought of that. I was just in San Francisco.
Marius: For your logic to be consistent, you’d have to say “skuh-bah” (scuba) or “lah-seer” (laser)!
Ivy: Yeah? Well, you’d have to say “J-pej”!
Ivy: …Wait, “laser” is an acronym?
Marius: Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation.
Ivy: Huh. Didn’t know that.
Ivy: You’re still wrong, though.
Marius: You just hate me because I’m right.
Ivy: I just hate you in general.
Marius: You mean in “geh-neral”?
Ivy: Ugh, I’m “joing” to kill you!

*meep*

Georgie: Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest, that just sounds nice and cozy. But if I invite you to my cabin in the woods you’re going to die.
Aurora: My favorite is explaining the difference between a butt dial and a booty call.
Ivy: It’s called connotations.
Jon: Try this one on for size, “Forgive me, Father, I have sinned” vs “Sorry, Daddy, I’ve been naughty."
Nastya: Great news! Language is now banned!

*meep*

Ivy: Oh, fiddlesticks.
Brian: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language.

*meep*

Aurora: This was almost a great idea.
Tim: You just described 90% of our stuff.

*meep*

Martin: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why.
TS: Only if you also don't ask why.
TS: *pulls four pristine human skulls out of their bag*
Martin: ...
Martin, grabbing a skull: This one will do.

*meep*

Aurora: Jon and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us.
Basira: What did you do?
Aurora: jon chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window, and-
Jon: *walking in* Who wants a steering wheel?

*meep*

Marius: I've never encountered a problem that can't be solved by an spontaneous musical number.

*meep*

Basira: Can you be quiet?! I'm trying to think.
Melanie: Don't worry. Doing anything for the first time is difficult.

*meep*

Jon: I think I should be allowed on ghost hunter tv shows.
GP Tim: I think that would be dangerous for the ghosts.

*meep*

TS: What are you drinking?
Raph: Vodka.
TS: Straight?
Raph: No, bi. Why?

*meep*

Marius: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch.
Tim: What changed your mind?
Marius: Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.

*meep*

Brian: Advice of the day kids, if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color then they are a certified nerd.
Daisy: Yeah but you have to specify, frost glacier or cool blue? You can’t just say blue because there’s more than one blue.
Brian: Blue and light blue, nice try nerd.

*meep*

TS: My father's name is just mine as well, so I'm technically TS Jr.
GP Tim: But who comes up when you look up TS on Google?
Georgie: That's what I thought!
GP Tim: One TS to rule them all!

*meep*

Georgie: It’s beautiful outside this morning!
Ivy: It’s 2AM.
Georgie: It’s Beautiful outside!
Tim: We’re indoors.
Georgie: It’s beautiful!
Daisy: It’s storming.
Georgie: It’s!

*meep*

Martin: Are you drunk?
Tim: Only on the spirit of Christmas!
Georgie: And the spirit of whisky.

*meep*

Brian: How long do you think it'll take?
Melanie: I don’t know, three or four.
Brian: Three or four what? Days? Weeks? Months?
Melanie: Yeah, maybe five.
Brian: Five what?!

*meep*

Raph: Can I borrow five dollars?
Ivy: If you’re only borrowing it, does that mean you’ll pay me back?
Raph: Of course.
Raph: Not directly, but with my love and affection.
Ivy: So that’s a no.

*meep*

Jon, standing amidst the destroyed kitchen: How? How were you able to summon me?!
Daisy, flipping through a cookbook as fast as she can: I don’t know!! You were supposed to be chicken soup!

*meep*

Sasha: Slash gamemode creative.
Melanie: this isn't Min-
Sasha: *starts levitating*

*meep*

Sasha: *fills up bottle and drinks from that*
GP Tim: *brought 4 bottles of water so this wouldn’t happen*
Ivy: *drinks straight from the tap*
Martin: *dehydrates*
Tim: *drinks from the puddle of water on the floor*
Raph: *licks the tap, doesn’t even need a drink*

*meep*

Nastya: Are pigeons drones?
Ivy: What? No, I'm trying to sleep.
Nastya: Think about it. How come you've never seen a baby pigeon? And why do you never actually see a pigeon nest? Because they're DRONES!
Ivy: *Crying* Please let me sleep...

*meep*

Aurora: I wish I was a cat, but not in a furry kinda way, more like a “I can sleep all day and hit people with no consequences” kinda way.

*meep*

Sorcerer: I give you a cursed amulet!
Georgie: Cool! It’ll make me look cute, and the shadow that follows me will make me more active, I’ll get out more!

*meep*

Tim: I'm never having a debate with Jon again, he literally started their argument with "Riddle me this."

*meep*

Marius: Hey, I see those leaves, where are you from?
TS: Illinois.
Marius: AAYYYE, I KNEW IT! ME TOO!
Martin: Did you just identify a state by looking at its leaves.

*meep*

Tim: There is no future. There is no past. Don't you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every fact.
Sasha: ...All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

*meep

Martin: Sasha, we need that!
Sasha, holding Melanie over a trash can: Nope.
Martin: Gimme it—
Sasha: It’s garbage.

*meep*

Aurora: You know what bothers me? Bats. Why can bats fly?
Melanie: Not again!
Aurora: No. Seriously, who gave them the right? They're mammals! Mammals walk on land, no exceptions.
Nastya: Just wait until you hear about whales.
Aurora: What now?

*meep*

Jon: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something!
Sasha: You left me, Tim, and Marius in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago.
Jon: I did that on purpose, try again.

*meep*

Nastya: I didn't drink that much last night.
Jon: You were flirting with Aurora.
Nastya: So what? she is my partner.
Jon: You asked if she was single.
Jon: And then you cried when she said shw wasen't.

Chapter Text

Brian: Where have you been all day?
Ivy: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.

*meep*

Nastya: You played me!
Daisy: Like the cheap kazoo you are!

*meep*

Marius: I'm trying to juggle family life and work life but I can't seem to find a balance. What do you suggest I do to keep everyone happy?
Melanie, deadpan: Quit your job, kill your family.

*meep*

Georgie: Did you just call me a shrimp, you asshole?! I'm still growing, dammit!

*meep*

TS: So uh, for this party and everything, do you, uh...
Alice, sighing: You don't know how to dress for this, do you?
TS, panicked: WHAT IS CLOTHES???

*meep*

Aurora: You're violent.
Celia: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

*meep*

Jon: Sometimes I talk to myself for no reason.
Jon: Me too!

*meep*

GP Tim: Melanie taught me to think before I act.
GP Tim: ...So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision.

*meep*

GP Tim: Melanie taught me to think before I act.
GP Tim: ...So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision.

*meep*

Sasha: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.
Jon: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

*meep*

TS: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.
Sam: Spear.
TS: BLOCKED.

*meep*

Raph, dashing into the room: WHY AREN’T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?!
Colin: …What does that even mean?!

*meep*

Jon: A SPIDEEER!!!!!!
GP Tim: KILL IT! SMASH IT!
Tim : BURN IT!
Jon: STAB IT! WITH A KNIFE! GET ME THE SHOTGUN!
Aurora: Awww, it’s so cute! Look at it!

*meep*

Tim : Uh, Ivy? Alice is in the pool and I don't think she's waterproof.
Ivy: What?
Nastya: I think sbe meant, Alice is drowning.
Ivy: WHAT?!
*Meanwhile*
Alice: *is drowning*
Daisy: OH MY GOD, ALICE! KEEP SWIMMING!
Alice: I can't swim, dumbass— *sinks*
Daisy: ALICE!

*meep*

Georgie: Do you need help getting up?
Tim : Nah, I'm cool down here on the floor.

*meep*

Melanie: *watching their house burn down*
Melanie:
Melanie: *starts filming* Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything.

*meep*

Martin: When's the last time you slept?
Basira: Uh... a few days ago, I think.
Martin: A few- how many?!
Basira: Uh... *starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers...
Martin: What you need is sleep!

*meep*

Colin: Why is there blood everywhere?
Daisy: I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife.
Colin: You stabbed someone?!
Daisy: No, no. I aggressively poked someone with a knife.

*meep*

Alice: There's beer in the cooler.
TS: What about for the children?
Alice: You can get water from that water fountain and use it to water down the beer.
Melanie: Why don't we just give the kids water?
Alice, angrily: I suppose you could do that!

*meep*

Daisy, at the slightest provocation: I came into this earth screaming and covered in someone else's blood and and I'm not afraid to leave the same way.

*meep*

Jon: If you ever feel stupid or weak or powerless, just remember that I am not. I am out there, very dangerous, and I am looking for you. Good luck.

*meep*

GP Tim: So, are you two friends?
Celia: Yes.
Martin: No.

*meep*

Georgie: I believe in you, Melanie!
Melanie, to themself: God, I must suck. The nicest thing Georgie can think to say to me is that she dosen't doubt my existence.

*meep*

Alice, after getting a job as a life guard: Hmm... I wonder what those things at the bottom of the pool are..
Nastya: THOSE ARE PEOPLE DROWNING!

*meep*

Georgie: We need to distract these guys.
Daisy: Leave it to me.
Daisy: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Sam & Melanie: *immediately begin arguing*

*meep*

GP Tim: How is spring not everyone’s favorite season? The trees are PINK, guys!
Daisy: Allergies are also a problem, y'know.
GP Tim: But pink.
Brian: And it's hot.
GP Tim: PINK!

*meep*

Colin: You gave me up, you let me down, you turned around, and deserted me.
GP Tim: But did I make you cry?
Colin: *cries on the spot*
GP Tim: ...Shit.

*meep*

Daisy: What happened?!
Raph: Do you want the long version or the short version?
Daisy: Sh-short??
Raph: Shit's fucked.
Daisy: Okay, long.
Raph: Shit's very fucked.

*meep*

Colin: I’m taking a look at your numbers, and it doesn’t look good. You have a lot of measurements. Quite a few variables.
Marius: Is that… bad?
Colin: Variables are the #1 risk factor for outcomes. The past is a big contributor to the future.
Marius: Isn’t that just causality?
Colin: Causality is the leading cause of death in this country.
Marius: So what are my odds?
Colin: Do you have a family history?
Marius: Of what?
Colin: Just, in general.
Marius: …Yes?
Colin: Oh no.

*meep*

Jon: Wow, this sucks. I’m gonna kill *remembers that suicide jokes only worsen your mental health and that the first step to healing is stopping* you.

*meep*

Aurora: Hey Ivy, do you wanna help us?
Ivy: Oh, I would... but I don’t want to.

*meep*

Alice: What is wrong with you?
Raph: Loaded question. Elaborate.

*meep*

Celia: Are you a masochist or a sadist?
Raph, deadpan: I’m a Taurus.

Chapter Text

Georgie: I can't imagine what Raph is planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.

*meep*

*The gang is learning CPR on a test dummy*
Brian: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?
Alice: No, Brian. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.
Brian: No, that’s not part of it—
Alice: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?
Celia: I would want to live with no legs.
Alice: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Celia. You don’t do anything.
Brian: All right, well, lets get back to it. ‘Cause you’re losing him.
Alice: *pumps frantically*
Brian: Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute.
Alice: Okay, that’s uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?
TS: How’s that gonna help you?
Alice: I will divide and then count to it.
TS: Right.
Brian: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of ‘Staying Alive’ by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?
Alice: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.

*meep*

TS: Yeah I'm LGBT.
TS: cuLt leader.
TS: God hates me personally.
TS: cowBoy hat.
TS: *sniffles* Trying my best.

'meep*

Jon: You know how some people consider “may you have an interesting life” to be a curse?
Melanie: Yes…?
Jon: Fuck those people. Wanna have an adventure?

*meep*

Martin: Don't ask me what I'm talking about. I don't know, okay? I'm just the vessel. The message has been gifted. I've moved on.

*meep*

The demon Sasha summoned, standing amidst the destroyed kitchen: How? How were you able to summon me?!
Sasha, flipping through a cookbook as fast as they can: I don’t know!! You were supposed to be chicken soup!

*meep*

Martin: Come on Jon, do it for our friendship. You can't put a price on that...
Jon: Yes I can, dear. Fifty dollars.

*meep*

Brian: Did you miss me while I was gone?
Aurora: You were gone?

*meep*

GP Tim: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt?
Raph:
Raph: Why are you eating dirt?
GP Tim: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

*meep*

Sasha: What state do you live in?
Celia: I live in a state of constant anxiety.

*meep*

Basira: Do you have a superpower?
Alice: Yep! It’s hindsight.
Basira: …that’s not going to help us.
Alice: Yes, I see that now.

*meep*

GP Tim: All right, y'all! Let's take a vote!
Jon: A secret vote. Everyone close your eyes.
*the Squad closes their eyes*
Basira: We don't see the result!
Jon: Well, just say your vote out loud.
Alice: Won't we recognize each other's voices?
Ivy: GP Tim has a point.

*meep*

*Aurora is talking about her past*
Aurora: I guess it was that day I came home to a cold, empty house, devoid of light and love, and I knew then that my sorrows would only grow.
Brian: Aurora, this is the saddest life story I have ever heard! And you haven't even covered the teen years!
Sasha: Oh, I'm sure it gets better!
Aurora: Ha! No, at eleven, things really took a turn for the worst.

*meep*

Tim : Never gonna make you cry!
Colin: Never gonna say goodbye!
Tim : Never gonna tell a lie—
Daisy: I will hurt you.

*meep*

Brian: There was a motor close to where I am right now.
Brian: A motor- a motorcycle?
Brian: Oh sorry, a murder.
Melanie: That escalated quickly.

*meep*

Raph: Awww, why don't you like cats, Brian? They're just snuggly buddies! They have toe beans! They make a little blep! What's not to love??
Brian: I don't know Raph, I just prefer to be conscious instead of dead on the floor.
Raph:
Brian: I'm ALLERGIC.

*meep*

Sasha: You say “Please” and “Thank you” in front of TS all the time, and she never repeat it.
Sasha: But you call Daisy “Ass-faced motherfucker” ONE TIME…

*meep*

TS: A fistfight CAN be romantic.

*meep*

Georgie: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
Raph: Several traffic violations.
Colin: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Daisy: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
Brian: Also, that’s not our car.

*meep*

Jon: What should I do?
Georgie: *holds out hand* May I suggest dinner with a friend?
Jon: Well, none of my friends are available, so I guess I'll have to go with you.

*meep*

Marius: *trying to get five seconds of sleep*
Jon, poking Marius’s arm: Marius Marius. Marius. Marius.
Marius: WHAT?
Jon: …We’re out of Capri Suns—

*meep*

Raph: I like you're new pants.
Jon: Thanks they were 50% off.
Raph: I'd like them better if they were 100% off.
Jon: the store can't just give out pants for free raph.
Raph: no-
Jon: that's a terrible way to run a buisness Raph.

*meep*

Marius: Do you want to be the Sun in my life?
GP Tim: Yes.
Marius: Good, then stay 92,935,700 miles away from me :)

*meep*

Georgie: The first time Sam opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside he yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!"

*meep*

*The gang's thoughts on stabbing*
Sam: Would never stab anyone.
Melanie: Would stab someone in retaliation.
Brian: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first.
Daisy: Would stab without warning.
Jon: Would stab as a warning.

*meep*

Daisy: How long do you reckon it’ll be until Nastya finally snaps and commits murder?
Aurora: I’ve been going through life assuming it’s already happened at some point and it’s just that no one was ever able to trace it back to her.

Chapter Text

Ivy: Screw you!
Alice: I'll have to check with my significant other, but I'll get back to you.

*meep*

Daisy, bursting into the room: You two are having sex!
Georgie, not looking up from their book: Really? Brian, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.

*meep*

Melanie: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?
Brian: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"?
GP Tim: Ya know... it might be.

*meep*

Rose: Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse..

*meep*

Melanie, with a headache: Advil me up, mommy.
Sasha: I will short out the language centre of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.

*meep*

Raph: If it’s any consolation, they got me here on a very misleading text message.
Georgie: Technically, you are about to be screwed in the biology room

*meep*

Daisy: To everyone who has treated me poorly; I am sexier than you.

*meep*

Sam: I feel like doing something stupid.
Basira: I’m stupid, do me.

*meep*

GP Tim: What did Sam do this time?
Colin: More like WHO did Sam do this time?

*meep*

Jon: Why do you let me win when we race up the stairs? You’re the faster one.
Brian: Erm... it’s nice see your smile when you win!
*later*
Jon: They're probably just staring at my ass, aren't they.
Briar: Yeah, probably.

*meep*

Briar: "What are you into?" is such a broad question, like do I reply with a TV series or choking?

*meep*

TS: I’ll speak French between your legs~
Daisy: HOTTEST THING I HAVE EVER BEEN TOLD-
Alice, containing their laughter: I can just imagine someone saying ‘bonjour’ to a penis-
Ivy: BONJOUR MADEMOISELLE VAGINA, HON HON TITTY CROISSANT!
Melanie: Titty croissant!?
Nastya: None of you should ever be having sex-

*meep*

Sasha: I haven’t lost my virginity.
Rose: Because you have no friends?
Sasha: No... because I never lose!

*meep*

Melanie: I am so horny and angry all the time.

*meep*

Lyf: Hey, I’m getting in the shower. Wanna help me out?
Rose: ...Have you never taken a shower before?

*meep*

jon: Rose, you do remember when we agreed we were better off as friends, right?
Rose, naked in Jon's bed: No, I absolutely do not.
Jon, already taking off their clothes: Fuck... Me neither.

*meep*

Marius: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.
Jon: Wow, I've gotta hear this.
Marius: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share.
Jon: You forgot pride.
Marius: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

*meep*

Raph: It doesn’t have a bone.
Sam: Then why is it called a boner?

*meep*

Raph: It doesn’t have a bone.
Sam: Then why is it called a boner?

*meep*

Raph: There. How do I look?
Basira: Like a cheap French harlot.
Raph: French?!

*meep*

Basira: Bonjour, Georgie. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi?
Georgie: No, I don't want to sleep with you.
Basira: Is that what that means? Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor.

*meep*

Sasha: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way?
Ivy: Excuse me Mx. Would you give me the honours of indulging in sexual activities with you?
Nastya: What the fuck is wrong with you two?

*meep*

Jon: Who would you kill out of the four of us, Rose?
Rose: Melanie, easily.
Melanie, laughing: What the fuck,
Rose: Well, Martin would be too easy. They’d probably be into it.
Martin, now standing in the doorway: What the fuck,!?

Chapter Text

Basira, near tears: Please, Jon, I don’t speak meme! I don't know what a 'yeet' is!

*meep*

Alice: If any person here knows of any just cause or impediment why these two should not be joined together in holy matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.
TS: Yes! I do. One of the partners is already married! They married me three years ago. And don’t let them deny it! I’ve got the marriage certificate to prove it!
*Nastya turns around to face them*
TS: Oh... sorry. Wrong church.

*meep*

Sasha: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.
Raph: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT EVERY TIME YOU BEAT ME AT CONNECT FOUR!

*meep*

GP Tim: Oh, so you two are getting along very... cordial now?
Colin: Cordial? Nah, we're friends.
GP Tim: Friends?
Colin: Yeah. After you stopped us fighting, we got to talking. Seems like we have some common interests.
Daisy: We both love butterflies.
GP Tim: Aww–
Daisy: And beating people up.
GP Tim: Oh, okay.

*meep*

Celia: You're smiling. What happened?
Sasha: What? Can't I smile just because I feel like it?
Aurora: Marius tripped and fell down the stairs today.

*meep*

Daisy: Briar is mad at me, and I'm not sure why.
Rose: Okay, did you talk before they got upset?
Daisy: ...yes?
Rose: That's probably it.

*meep*

Briar: This is getting embarrassing.
Raph: Getting? We’re already there!

*meep*

*Martin is ordering a cake over the phone*
Shop Employee: …and what would you like your cake to say?
Martin, covering the phone to look at The Squad: Do we want a talking cake?

*meep*

Colin: I have a bad feeling about this...
Melanie: What do you mean?
Colin: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?
Melanie: No?
Jon: That actually explains so much.

*meep*

Brian: On the count of three, what’s your favorite cake?
Brian & Jon: One, two, three-
Brian & Jon: Chocolate cake, peanutbutter frosting, and chocolate chunks!
TS: Our turn, Basira! One, two, three-
TS: Vanilla!
Basira: I’ve never had cake before. What is cake?

*meep*

Marius: I think I'm falling for you.
Lyf: Then get up.

*meep*

Rose: Look, Georgie, if you can fit your head down the gun’s barrel, you can assume it doesn’t have a non-lethal setting.

*meep*

Marius: *Holding up a picture of a seemingly young anime girl* WHO IS SHE?! IS SHE TWELVE?!
Melanie: No! She's a thousand years ol-
Marius: *Cocks shotgun*
Melanie: NO! NOOOOOOOOOO-!

*meep*

*Raph falls over*
Briar: Raph! Are you alright?
Raph: Is that you, God?
Briar: What?
Raph: It's just, you sound a lot more like Briar than I expected.

*meep*

GP Tim: *dies*
TS: Timer starts now! When are they coming back? I say two months!
Brian: Bullshit. One month.
Celia: Nah, half a month.
Alice, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GP TIM JUST DIED!
Basira, scratching chin in thought: One week.

*meep*

GP Tim: If you water water, it grows.
Georgie: ...What.
Sasha: They've got a point.

*meep*

Briar: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you’re a coward.
Celia: I’m worried about you.

*meep*

Aurora: Lyf and I are no longer friends.
Lyf: AURORA THAT IS THE WORST WAY TO TELL PEOPLE THAT WE’RE DATING!

*meep*

Alice: Why do you not believe that ghosts are real?
GP Tim: Never seen one.
Alice: Okay, I mean, there’s a lot of things that you can’t see that are real.
GP Tim: What can’t I see?
Alice: You can’t see gravity. That’s real.
GP Tim: Yeah, I can drop an apple.
Alice: Fuck.

*meep*

Celia: Trouble at 2 o'clock!
Martin: *looks down at their watch*
Martin: Now, how do you know that?

*meep*

Nastya: Do you know the best way to respond to disagreement?
Georgie: With tears?
Nastya: No.
Georgie: *tears up*

*meep*

Rose: Next time I'm at the pet store, I'm gonna take a hamster and drop it in the scorpion cage. I wanna see what a hamster's face looks like when it goes, "oh, fuck."

*meep*

Aurora: Are you okay?
Ivy, crying: Yeah, it was just the onions.
Aurora: *Picks up an onion* What the fuck did you say to Ivy?

*meep*

Martin: I'm tired.
Lyf: You slept for three hours last night! Why are you surprised?!
Martin: I'm not surprised. I just wanted to complain about it.

*meep*

Colin: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.
Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

*meep*

Raph, holding a fork: You know your talking a lot of shit for someone who has 2 perfectly good eyeballs each cost about $16,000 on the blackmarket.
Brian: ....
Raph: *lip smack*

*meep*

Tim : Where's Daisy?
Nastya: Don't worry, I'll find them.
Nastya, shouting: Jon sucks!
Daisy, distantly: Jon is the best person ever! Fuck you!
Nastya: Found them.

*meep*

Nastya: A sprite is anything not static.
Sasha: A sprite is a variable object, be it 2d or 3d.
Daisy: A sprite is a fucking soda.
Daisy: You god damn geekass bastards.

*meep*

*the Squad at Disneyland, in the teacups*
Brian, Celia, and Lyf: *spinning a little and talking*
Colin, Jon, and Melanie: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

*meep*

Rose: Why does everyone want to kill Colin?
GP Tim: Because, goddamnit, have you seen them? Their neck looks so snappable.

*meep*

Daisy: I have a plan.
Georgie: Good! As long as we aren’t breaking the law again, I’m open to hearing it.
Daisy: …
Georgie: …
Daisy: I no longer have a plan.

*meep*

Sasha: Having two partners is both amazing and complicated. But all our problems are solved with communication.
TS: It’s my turn to cuddle Jon.
Sasha: FIVE MORE MINUTES DAMMIT!

*meep*

Martin: The scariest president had to be Rushmore because he had four heads.
Melanie: Yeah, it’s a good thing we captured him in that mountain, even if we have to live in fear of the spell wearing off.
Ivy: Do you two still believe in that legend? Come on, Rushmore was killed a hundred years ago! We’re safe now.
Jon: You people have clearly never taken a history lesson. His body was never found.

*meep*

Rose: Uhh.. Colin just asked if we want to…
Rose: “Fell the mighty before their time and display their carcasses in our homes?”
TS, not even looking up from their phone: They’re asking if you wanna cut down Christmas Trees.
Rose: Oh, that makes more sense.

*meep*

*Lyf is substitute teaching*
Student: What did you say?
Lyf: I said, whoever threw that paper, your mom’s a hoe!

*meep*

Alice: I will send my army to attack!
Alice: *releases a dumpster of raccoons*

*meep*

Daisy: Hi, I'm Lyf's emergency contact.
Counter Woman: You're here to pick them up?
Daisy: I'm here to remove myself as their emergency contact.

*meep*

Nastya: Go fuck yourself.
Raph: Come over here and fuck me yourself you coward!

*meep*

Raph: Don’t trust everything you see on the internet.
Celia: Pfft. What possibly nonsense could come from the internet? Oh. Did you know that the Earth is actually flat?
Raph: *Takes away Celia’s phone* Yeah, that enough for you.

*meep*

Briar: Hey Aurora.
Aurora: *punches Briar in the stomach*
Briar: What the fuck?
Aurora: You are one of my very best friends. And I cannot stand by and watch you throw away your life like this. You're too young....YOU'RE TOO BEAUTIFUL!
Briar: What the fuck are you talking about?
Aurora: I'm talking about the baby that's growing inside of your belly right now.
Sasha: See ya! *leaves*
Briar: I'm not pregnant!
Aurora: Well, not after that punch you're not. I've been taking muay thai classes.
Briar: I was never pregnant, Aurora!
Aurora: Are... you sure?
Briar: Yes I'm fucking sure!
TS: I'm sorry, but why the fuck is everybody yelling over here?
Aurora: Oh, I found this positive pregnancy test and—
TS: *punches Briar in the stomach*
Briar: AW, MOTHERFU--

*meep*

Jon: I told GP Tim that their ears turn red when they lie.
Brian: Do they?
Jon: No.
Brian: Then why did you tell them that?
Jon: Because I can do this.
Jon: Hey GP Tim! Do you love us?
GP Tim, with their hands over their ears: No.

Chapter Text

Alice: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might.
Raph: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY-

*meep*

Sasha: Don’t preach to me about romance, Martin. I had a three-way in a hot-air balloon.

*meep*

Jon: Who do we know that has handcuffs?
Tim : Well Martin and I-
Martin: *elbows Tim *
Tim : ...wouldn't know.

*meep*

Georgie: Look, last night was a mistake.
TS: A sexy mistake.
Georgie: No, just a regular mistake.

*meep*

Sam: Wow, Marius, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.
Marius: We literally slept together yesterday.
Sam: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

*meep*

Rose: It’s called hentai and it is art!

*meep*

Melanie: Basira, are you really here to discuss security protocols?
Basira: Depends. Did you want to discuss them… or practice them?

*meep*

Basira, writing in a letter: "I'm going to kick.. your... ass."
Basira: THERE. Now send it.
Briar: your handwriting's terrible, are you sure you want to-
Basira: JUST DO IT!
later
Brian: So what does it say?
Rose, reading the letter: They say they're going to "lick my...."
Brian:
Rose:
Brian: Gross-

*meep*

Daisy: Georgie, why’s The Admiral pawing at your bedroom door?
Georgie: He’s just jealous I’m testing a new ‘midnight podcast’ setup.

*meep*

Raph: Marius, is that a flask in your coat, or are you just happy to see me?
Marius: Why not both? Let’s… experiment.

*meep*

Celia: Lyf, why are there handcuffs in your desk drawer?
Lyf: For interrogation purposes. Want a demonstration?

*meep*

TS: How do I ask someone out?
Ivy: Roses are red, violets are blue, guess what, my bed has room for two.
TS: No!
Celia: Twinkle twinkle little star, we can do it in a car.
TS: Stop!
Alice: Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily I can make you scream.
TS: I feel like the last one is verging dangerously into serial killer territory.

*meep*

Alice: Listen, in the wild wild west there is always a woman in the saloon and nobody messes with her even though they all have guns.
Briar: That's because she's a prostitute.

*meep*

Georgie: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things.
Jon: Hi, I’m ‘things’.

*meep*

Briar, on the phone: So no head?
Briar: *Throws phone and breaks skateboard*

*meep*

Nastya: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.
Basira: What if it bites me and it dies?!
Nastya: Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, Basira, learn to listen.
Brian: What if it bites itself and I die?
Nastya: That's voodoo.
Martin: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Nastya: That's correlation, not causation.
Georgie: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?
Nastya: That's kinky.
Rose: Oh my god.

*meep*

Melanie: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed.
Sasha:
Sasha: I'm gonna tell them.
Georgie: Don't you dare.

*meep*

TS: I was going to suggest we do Marilyn Monroe and JFK roleplay, but I’d get way too into it.
Melanie: What- how?
TS: You’d be like “come to bed … Mr. President” and I’d be like, “I need to increase the amount of American military advisors in South Vietnam by a factor of 18.”

*meep*

Jon: Sorry, I'm late to the party. I've been doing things.
TS, entering in an unbuttoned shirt: I got caught up doing things too.
Lyf: Wow, Jon was late too! What a coincidence!

Chapter Text

Brian: looking at Lyf: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.

*meep*

Nastya: Come on, Tim ! How any times do I have to apologize?
Tim : Once!
Nastya: ...No.

*meep*

Aurora: What has the galaxy ever done for you?! Why would you wanna save it?!
Briar: Cause I’m one of the idiots who lives in it!

*meep*

Melanie: What's this?
TS, hugging Melanie: Affection!
Melanie: Disgusting.
Melanie: ...Do it again.

*meep*

Briar, excitedly: Heeyy!!
Colin: Hey, someone's excited.
Sasha, deadpan: Yeah, and it's making me sick.

*meep*

Daisy: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

*meep*

GP Tim: Why won’t you all just lie down and die with dignity?!
TS: We don’t do anything with dignity!

*meep*

Colin: If God’s ever been mad at anything I’ve ever said, he hasn’t done shit about it.
Colin: So he either doesn’t care or he’s a coward.

*meep*

Briar: Jon... you've been cuddling with me for over and hour now.
Jon: *muffled* mm hmmm :)
Briar: Fuck. I should be annoyed but you're adorable.

*meep*

Celia: They called me the B-word.
TS: Motherfucker doesn’t start with ‘b’.

*meep*

Jon, texting Marius: I’m a theif.
Marius: Thief.
Jon: Theif.
Marius: I before E except after C.
Jon: Thceif.
Marius: NO.

*meep*

Martin: I bet you can’t make a sentence without the letter “A”!
Basira: You thought you just did something there, didn’t you? Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but numerous sentences could be constructed without employing the first letter of the English lexicon.
Lyf: Fuck you.

*meep*

TS: How do Sam and Raph usually get out of these messes?
Rose: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

*meep*

Briar: A banker? Me?
Marius: Yes, Briar.
Briar: But I don’t know anything about running a bank!
Marius: Good. No preconceived ideas.
Briar: I’ve robbed banks!
Marius: Capital! Just reverse your thinking. The money should be on the inside.

*meep*

Jon: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”.
Jon: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

*meep*

Aurora: What do you all intend on majoring in?
Briar: Respecting myself.
Brian: Minecraft.
Lyf: Criminal justice and psychology.
Alice: I'm terrified that I’ll lock myself into an interest that I’ll no longer be passionate about in a few years like all the other areas of study I’ve pursued over my life!
Ivy: Minecraft as well.

*meep*

Jon: Why do you think I don’t like you? I do. I would kill for you.
Jon: Ask me to kill for you.
Raph: ...First of all, calm down-

*meep*

*The gang when they drop food on the floor*
Georgie: Aw man. *Throws it away*
Basira: Five second rule!
Daisy: Foolish germs, thinking they can stop me!? *Eats it off the floor*
Martin: *Sobs on the floor*

*meep*

Basira: I have a new hoodie.
Nastya: Wrong.
Nastya: We have a new hoodie.

*meep*

Sasha: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?
Rose: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?
Sasha: Yes.
Rose: I'd sleep.

*meep*

Ivy: Where’s Brian?
Basira: Doing stuff.
Ivy: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Georgie?
Basira: Trying to stop Brian from doing the stuff.
Ivy: And Raph?
Basira: Trying to stop Georgie from stopping Brian from doing the stuff.
Ivy: I see. And what are you doing here, Basira?
Basira: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Raph from stopping Georgie from stopping Brian from doing the stuff.

*meep*

Daisy: "Go hang a salami" backwards is "I'm a lasagna hog".
Rose: How did either of those sentences occur naturally for you to discover this?

*meep*

*The squad is asked what they would do with 5 children with only 3 chairs.*
Georgie: Get two more chairs!
Rose: They can get their own chairs.
TS: Make them fight for it.
Alice: You only need one chair to beat them all with.
Jon: I would never be near children.
Lyf: Kill two.

*meep*

Raph: Dude, I will never forgive Craigslist for banning me after I wrote a post seeking a sworn nemesis. Whoever reported that is obviously my nemesis but I was so pissed.

*meep*

Celia: *standing on a balcony and sneezes*
Raph: *standing on the roof* Bless you.
Celia: God?!

*meep*

Celia, handing out popsicles: Which flavor do you want?
Colin: Blue flavor!
Celia: Uh, you mean Blue Raspberry?
Colin: Blue flavor! Blue flavor!
Celia: Blue is not a flavor!
Colin: BLUE FLAVOR!

*meep*

*The squad is playing a team sport*
Colin: Are you upset you don’t get to be on the same team as Raph?
Sam: Have you ever played a game with Raph?
Colin: No…
Sam: Have you ever been trapped in a cage with a wolverine?
*Meanwhile, on the other side of the field*
Raph, chasing Martin: I SAID FASTER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD “FASTER” MEANS? IT MEANS MORE FAST!!!!

*meep*

Marius, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.
Ivy: Do you think other people can’t hear you?

*meep*

Sasha: Shh, here comes Marius!
Daisy: Quick, Melanie, start talking about boring nerd stuff!
Melanie: You know, nerd culture is mainstream now, so when you use the word “nerd” derogatorily, it means you’re the one that’s out of the zeitgeist.
Daisy: Yes, that’s perfect. Just like that.

*meep*

Tim with a gun to Nastya's head: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven?
Nastya: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.

*meep*

Lyf: What's the most efficient way to burn calories?
Marius: Exercise more!
Ivy: Set yourself on fire.
GP Tim: There are two kinds of people.

*meep*

TS: It's locked. You got a lock pick?
Georgie: Yeah-
Jon: *kicks in the door*

*meep*

Sasha: Where’s Celia?
TS: Around.
Sasha: Around?
Sasha: You don’t have any idea, do you?
Celia, dropping down from above: Did you know there’s a space above the ceiling?

Chapter Text

Aurora: I would say I outdid myself, but I’m always this good, so I simply did myself.

*meep*

Georgie: I can’t believe all these people are wearing black. black is supposed to be my thing, they’re all just posers.
Colin: Georgie, for the last time, we’re at a funeral.

*meep*

Celia: Mint is just cold spicy.
The Squad: ...
Aurora: What the actual fuck is wrong with you.

*meep*

Rose: Sorry I'm late, I was doing stuff.
Marius: YOU PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!

*meep*

*At the police station*
Briar: Hi, I’m here for Lyf.
Police officer: Who’s Lyf?
Briar: Ah, you must be new.

*meep*

Basira: Do you have any idea what you’re doing?
Nastya: Why start now?

*meep*

Tim : My friends say I'm the most charismatic out of the group.
Martin: Well, you always have a smile on your face.
Tim : Thank you.
Martin:
Martin: What drugs do you take?

*meep*

Sam: Jon, you need to react when people cry!
Jon: I did. I rolled my eyes.

*meep*

Jon: Ah ready for another fantastic day of being better than Sam.

*meep*

Lyf: You borrowed a crane?
Basira: Not exactly.
Aurora: You stole a crane?!
Basira: Exactly.

*meep*

Colin, about Melanie: Jon, they're an asshole! They have purposely stabbed you on more than one occasion!
Jon: Some of those stabbings were accidental!
Colin:
Jon: Okay, well, I know for a fact the third time was accidental.

*meep*

*Bullying Prevention Day at school*
Teacher: Daisy, what would you do if one of your classmates viciously teased you again and again?
Daisy: Oh, that’s easy. I’d take a pencil out of my pencil case—
Teacher: To write something to your teacher?
Daisy: —make sure that it’s really sharp, and ram it into their eye at full tilt! My mom always says the pencil is mightier than the sword because they can’t outlaw bringing pencils to school!
Teacher: *internal screaming*

*meep*

Briar: There's something I have to ask about you-know-who.
Lyf: Voldemort?
Briar: No.
Lyf: Is it Voldemort?
Briar: It's not Voldemort.
Lyf: You haven’t mentioned wizards once this conversation, so I’m gonna have to assume it’s Voldemort.

*meep*

Ivy: Which way did Basira go?
Nastya: Well, based on the direction of the wind, the broken sticks in the corner, and the slight disturbance in the dirt, I'd guess they went left.
Ivy: You could really figure it out from that?

*meep*

Nastya: No, you idiot, Basira sent me a text. See?
Nastya: What are you in the mood for?
Aurora: World domination.
Nastya: That's a bit ambitious.
Aurora: You are my world.
Nastya: Aww...
Aurora:
Nastya:
Aurora:
Nastya: OH.

*meep*

Briar: Die.
Lyf: Please don't die!
Briar: DIE!
Lyf: PLEASE DON'T DIE!
Marius, confused: Why are they yelling at a plant?
Basira, watching while eating popcorn: They bought it together and Lyf wants Briar to accept it as their kid.

*meep*

Tim : I know where you live.
TS: Where?
Tim : In a house.

*meep*

Marius: Raph... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Raph: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Marius:
Marius: I wrote sanitize, Raph.

*meep*

Sam, staring at GP Tim in a cage: ...Why are they in a cage?
Brian: Because they growled at me.

*meep*

Sam: But we’re friends! I was building up to calling you a nickname soon!
Basira: That’ll never happen! In fact, you just lost “Basira” privileges. From now on, you can call me by my last name or ‘Hey, you.’.
Sam: Come on, Basira.
Basira: *glares*
Sam: Come on, Hey you.”

*meep*

Jon: I'm cold.
Tim : Here, take my hoodie.
*meanwhile*
Basira: I'm cold.
Rose: I can't control the weather, Basira.

*meep*

*The Squad's cooking skills*
Ivy: *master chef*
Raph: *knows a few recipes*
Georgie: *can follow instructions on a box*
Melanie: *made toast once*
Brian: *banned from the kitchen*

*meep*

Martin: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not!
Basira: Martin, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.
Martin: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!
GP Tim: ...It was a bug.
Martin: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!
Basira: ...
GP Tim: ...
Martin: Stop looking at me like that!

*meep*

Brian: You can’t have a gun on stage!
Daisy: WRONG AGAIN! I can have a gun, and I must have a gun, that’s the rule of Chekhov’s Gun: have a gun. And now that it’s been seen, I will have to shoot someone before the end of the play.

*meep*

Briar: *slowly pushes a cannon into a 17th century bank* Okay everyone, be cool. This is a robbery.

*meep*

Sam: I wonder who’s ruining my life.
Sam: *looks in the mirror*
Sam: So we meet again.

*meep*

Sam: Jon, I don't like you.
Jon: What did you say?
Sam: You heard me!
Jon, internally: And it turns out I actually didn't hear what the fuck you just said.

Chapter Text

Ivy: So, you lied to me?
Melanie: That depends on how you define lying.
Ivy: Well, I define it as not telling the truth. How do you define it?
Melanie: Um, reclining your body in a horizontal position?

*meep*

Jon: How do you type so fast?
Marius: Anxiety.

*meep*

Tim: I was arrested for being too cool.
Jon: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

*meep*

Celia: Basira is the bravest person I know. They can go into the Spirit Halloween without crying.

*meep*

Nastya, texting Ivy: Ivy! Help I'm being kidnapped!
Ivy: Where are you?
Nastya: I'm with some strange person. In a car. Help.
Ivy: I'll call Georgie.
Georgie, answering their cell: Y'ello?
Ivy: Where's Nastya? They texted me that they were being kidnapped.
Georgie: Nastya? Whaddya mean, they're right next to me-
Georgie:
Georgie: I'll call you back. *Hangs up*
Georgie: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN'T THAT BAD!
Nastya: WHO ARE YOU!?

*meep*

Lyf: So... This is my full potential?
Celia: Yes.
Lyf: So, then it's...
Celia: All downhill from here.
Lyf: Like Basira.
Celia: I do not know what this Basira is. But it sounds disappointing.

*meep*

Nastya, shooing Colin away: Can you go be depressed over there? You’re bumming out my whole area.

*meep*

Tim : iuegrukfhoeuhfeoruhf
TS: What is that?
Tim : it’s a keyboard smash
TS: How do I do it?
Tim : just press anything
TS: 7

*meep*

Melanie: The path to inner peace begins with four words… not my fucking problem.

*meep*

Sam: The clock is ticking! We don't have time for this asinine tomfoolery!
Jon: This unmitigated poppycock?
Aurora: Extravagant hogwash!
Sam: Okay, stop.

*meep*

Daisy, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it-
Georgie, whispering: Should we call the exorcist?
Aurora, also singing: The taste of his cherry chapstick.
Martin, appalled: Call the exorcist.

*meep*

Jon: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?
Sasha: Peonies, why?
Jon:
Sasha: Were you going to get me flowers?
Jon:
Sasha:
Jon: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

*meep*

Tim : Someone care to explain why we have 6 dogs in our apartment?
Melanie: They're golden retrievers, dude. They retrieve gold. I did this for us.

*meep*

Nastya: You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol.

*meep*

Jon: WHO ATE MY BREAD?!
Jon: I'M GOING TO FUCKING K-
Sasha: I did?
Jon: Kiss you and buy some more, you haven't been eating anything today Sasha.
Jon: *walks away*
Sasha:
Sasha: They're gone Marius.
Marius, coming out the closet with bread stuffed in their mouth: Twankh uh!

*meep*

Rose: Look, do I consider myself attractive? Yes. But would I have sex with my clone? Also yes.

*meep*

Tim: Don’t mansplain this to me!
Jon: Wh- I’m currently woman! I can't mansplain anything to you!
Tim: …Well, I’m a feminist, and I believe a woman can do anything a man does!

*meep*

Alice: Hey guys, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?
Daisy, TS, and Aurora: No!
Celia: Alright, that’s it, you guys. What happened out there?
Daisy: What? We took a walk. Nothing happened. I came back with nothing all over me.
Celia: What does that mean?
Alice: Come on, what happened? TS?
TS: Alright.
Daisy: No. TS, we swore we’d never tell!
Aurora: They’ll never understand.
TS: But we have to say something. We have to get it out. It’s eating me alive.
TS: Daisy got stung by a jellyfish!
Daisy: Alright! I got stung. Stung bad. I couldn’t stand. I- I couldn’t walk.
Aurora: We were two miles from the house. We were scared and alone. We didn’t think we could make it.
Daisy: I was in too much pain.
TS: And I was tired from digging a huge hole.
Aurora: And then TS remembered something.
TS: I’d seen this thing in the Discovery Channel.
Alice: Wait a minute, I saw that. On the Discovery Channel. Yeah, about jellyfish and how if you— EW! You peed on yourself?
Celia and Sasha: EW!!
Daisy: You can’t say that! You don’t know! I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain. Anyway, I tried, but I couldn’t... bend that way. So... *looks at TS*
Alice, Celia, and Sasha: Ew!
TS: That’s right. I stepped up. They’re my friend and they needed help. If I had to, I’d pee on any one of you.
TS: Only, uh, I couldn’t. I got stage fright. I wanted to help but there was too much pressure. So, I, um, I turned to Aurora.
Aurora: TS kept screaming at me, “Do it now. Do it. Do it now.” Sometimes, late at night I can still hear the screaming.
TS: That’s because sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out.

*meep*

Georgie: Melanie, what if there are monsters?
Melanie: Don’t worry, we’re top of the food chain.
Much later…
Georgie, lying awake at night: I am the monster.

*meep*

Martin: Help, someone at prom has been killed!
Alice: Calm down, we don't need you to Panic! At the Disco.

*meep*

Daisy: Die.
Sam: Please don't die!
Daisy: DIE!
Sam: PLEASE DON'T DIE!
Celia, confused: Why are they yelling at a plant?
Rose, watching while eating popcorn: They bought it together and Sam wants Daisy to accept it as their kid.

*meep*

Nastya: Where are my fucking keys?
Aurora: Nastya, Martin is around, can you say it a little nicer?
Nastya: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!

*meep*

TS: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?
Brian: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.
Melanie: Three of us saw it, Brian. How do you explain that?
Brian: *points at Rose* Sleep deprivation. *points at Melanie* Paranoia. *points at Briar* Delusional personality disorder.

*meep*

*The Squad is gathered in the living room for a meeting*
Marius: *walks in and sits on Lyf’s lap*
The Squad: …
Jon: Why are you sitting there?
Marius: There’s no free seats!
Jon: But we made sure there was enough room for-
Lyf: *hugs Marius tightly* There are no free seats.

*meep*

Sam: Hey besties-
Colin: Die.
Sam: What did I do to you-

*meep*

Daisy: I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.
Marius: All I drank was Redbull!
Daisy: How many?
Marius: Eighteen.

*meep*

Marius: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Aurora?
Aurora: …Not really.
Marius: Nothing?
Aurora: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Christmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.

*meep*

Lyf: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.
Nastya, Martin, & Jon: Okay.
Lyf: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.
Nastya: Bold of you to assume I have money.
Martin: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.
Jon: Bold of you to assume I can die.

*meep*

Raph: I got us matching friendship bracelets, and you say I don't care about our relationship.
Lyf: These are handcuffs.
Raph: Yeah, 'cause we're partners in crime!

*meep*

Daisy: I hate you with every inch of my body!
Lyf: That’s not a lot of inches.

Chapter Text

Daisy: Show me Pennsylvania.
Jon: I don’t know Canadian geography.

*MEEP*

Melanie: I dropped GP Tim.
Nastya: Melanie, what the fuck.

*MEEP*

Raph: "You look tired" well, the torment is relentless and the horrors never cease.

*MEEP*

Aurora: If history repeats itself, I’m so getting a dinosaur!

*MEEP*

Melanie: Nice rock.
Daisy: Thanks, Aurora gave it to me.
Aurora: I threw it at you!
Daisy: Aren't they the sweetest?

*MEEP*

Basira: Ah ready for another fantastic day of being better than Brian.

*MEEP*

Marius: What if mayonnaise came in cans?
Aurora: Well, that would suck because you can't microwave metal.
Raph: Good morning to everyone except these two people.

*MEEP*

Jon: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple...
Tim: I really care about your feelings!
Martin: I really care about YOUR feelings!
Jon, turning their head: ...and then there's the disaster couple...
Melanie: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL!
Georgie: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

*MEEP*

Martin: Hello Daisy, made anyone cry today?
Daisy: Sadly, no. But it’s only 4:30.

*MEEP*

Melanie, teaching Tim to drive: Okay Tim, what does a green light mean?
Tim: Go!
Melanie: A red light?
Tim: Stop!
Melanie: And what about a yellow light?
Tim: If you floor it, you can make it!
Melanie: …No—

*MEEP*

Georgie: Seriously, I have no idea what to do.
Georgie: Oh, wait! Yahoo! Answers.

*MEEP*

GP Tim: Which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen?
Aurora: Neither.
Aurora: Because it's twelve.

*MEEP*

Tim: Change is inedible.
Sasha: Don’t you mean inevitable?
Tim, spitting out a bunch of pennies: No, I really didn’t.

*MEEP*

Raph: What’s it like being tall?
Raph: Is it nice?
Raph: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?
TS: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.
Brian: It was one time!

*MEEP*

Nastya: I mean, sure, I have my bad days, but then I remember what a cute smile I have.

*MEEP*

Nastya, on the phone: What’s up, Jon?
Jon: I’m sitting in a pool of blood.
Nastya: …Um, is it YOUR blood?
Jon: I think so.
Nastya: Do you know where the blood’s coming from?
Jon: Probably the stab wound.
Nastya: YOU’VE BEEN STABBED?!
Jon: Oh, yeah, definitely.

*MEEP*

Georgie: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind.
Georgie: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months.
Georgie: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year?
Marius: This is Monopoly.

*MEEP*

Aurora: You’re like an oyster. Not appealing on the outside, but your insides are worth a lot of money!

*MEEP*

GP Tim: *venting endlessly to Daisy about their week*
Daisy, every once in a while: *in a monotone* Wow, that is so wild.

*MEEP*

Basira: You're alive.
TS: There's no need to sound so disappointed.

*MEEP*

Ivy: I hate taking off my glasses, because without them, my vision goes from Full HD all the way down to buffering at 240p and I just can't handle that.

*MEEP*

Raph: I think I mostly want to see what happens when this whole place breaks apart.

*MEEP*

GP Tim: If you aren't someone the church wanted dead 300 years ago, are you really living?

*MEEP*

Raph: I think we should have glow stick juice injected in our bones when we're born, so if we break our bones, we get a fun little surprise.
Nastya: What's the surprise?
Brian: Blood poisoning.

*MEEP*

Sasha: Happy birthday Ivy! I'm your gift!
Ivy, whispering to Raph: Did you get the receipt, or do I have to keep them?

*MEEP*

Jon: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they're a wide-eyed mess.
Marius: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to?
GP Tim: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit.
TS: Guys.

*MEEP*

Jon: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch.
Tim: What changed your mind?
Jon: Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.

*MEEP*

Jon: Do you know that we are made out of atoms?
Jon: And atoms never touch each other.
Jon: So in my defense, officer. I did not punch this kid.

Chapter Text

Raph: If looking good was a crime, you’d be a law abiding citizen.

*meep*

GP Tim: You’re my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Brian: I want you to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
GP Tim: Absolutely not.

*meep*

Brian: Go to sleep or you'll hate yourself in the morning!
Basira: I'll hate my self in the morning regardless.

*meep*

Marius: If you kill me, my teeth only have a 2% drop rate.
Basira: What?
Marius: Good luck.

*meep*

Brian: You wanna fight?! You got one!
TS: Okay! *raises fists*
*Jon runs in, scoops TS up in their arms, and runs away carrying them*
Brian:
Brian: What?

*meep*

*The Squad is at Home Depot*
Martin: *Fell in the cacti display while wandering around the garden section*
GP Tim: *Shitting in the display toilets*
Melanie: *Tokyo Drifting one of those flatbed carts down the aisles*
Nastya: *Stealing paint chips for aesthetic purposes*
Georgie: *Just wanted some goddamn lightbulbs and everyone ruined it*
Melanie: *In the car sleeping*

*meep*

Georgie: The fastest way to a Aurora’s heart is through ch-
Sasha: Chest cavity.
Georgie:
Georgie: Cheese.

*meep*

TS: Come to think of it… You’ve always been nice to me.
TS: I mean, you listen to all my problems-
Jon: No, TS I just simply stand here while you talk, there’s a big difference.

*meep*

Aurora: Can I bother you for a second?
Tim: You're always bothering me, but go ahead.

*meep*

*TS dies in a game with ships*
GP Tim: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us.
GP Tim: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury.
Daisy: Legend has it that TS still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks.
TS: Of course I do.

*meep*

Aurora: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world!
Raph: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.
Nastya: More or less, I guess...
TS: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that!
GP Tim: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept.
Ivy: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!

*meep*

Brian: If you see me talking to myself, go away! I’m self-employed and we’re having a staff meeting!

*meep*

Daisy: You don't need my blessing to go kiss Jon. In fact, I was pretty sure you were already kissing Jon!
Brian: Nope.
Daisy: In that case, as the archbishop of Brian's fully awakened gaydom, I give you my blessing to immediately leave and rectify that as soon as possible! Go now, my child, and kiss Jon right on the lips!!!

*meep*

Daisy, digging their grave: Long story short, this is my grave.......Want me to make you one too?

*meep*

Georgie: *Holding up a pack of pencils* These are kinda cute.
Ivy: Georgie, that’s gay.
Georgie: We’ve been dating for 2 years—

*meep*

Tim: Oh no! I’m doomed!
Martin: Seriously? All you have to do is not insult Daisy at their own memorial service.
Tim: Exactly! It’s impossible!

*meep*

Daisy: Do you feel any better?
Tim: I feel much better now that you here with me.
*Georgie walks in*
Tim: I feel half better.

*meep*

Melanie: As a responsible adult-
Tim: *chuckles*
Melanie: … As a responsible adult—

*meep*

*The gang is learning CPR on a test dummy*
Melanie: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?
Tim: No, Melanie. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.
Melanie: No, that’s not part of it—
Tim: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?
Georgie: I would want to live with no legs.
Tim: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Georgie. You don’t do anything.
Melanie: All right, well, lets get back to it. ‘Cause you’re losing him.
Tim: *pumps frantically*
Melanie: Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute.
Tim: Okay, that’s uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?
TS: How’s that gonna help you?
Tim: I will divide and then count to it.
TS: Right.
Melanie: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of ‘Staying Alive’ by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?
Tim: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.

Chapter Text

Jon: I met this person on tinder and asked for their last name. They sent it to me and went “Doing a little background check? You might find out I’m a murderer, just ignore that” with a kissy wink emoji. Alright so I good sense of humour.
Jon: I looked them up, they were a murderer.

*meep*

Melanie, spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down.
Brian: I actually just put the cutting board in the oven...
Georgie, visibly confused: Okay, so they decided to put the cutting board in the oven?
Melanie, spraying Brian: You FUCKING DUMBASS!
Brian: Dude, I forgot-
Melanie: OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!?
Aurora: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.*

*meep*

Brian: COMPANY IS COMING! I WANT THIS PLACE LOOKING LIKE DISNEY ON ICE IN ONE MINUTE!
Brian: MARIUS IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE YOUR BED THROW IT AWAY IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE IT NOW!
Brian: GET RID OF THE COUCHES, WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE S I T !

*meep*

Daisy: TS, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason.
TS, wearing a hoodie that's 5 times bigger than their size: Spooky.

*meep*

Martin: Okay! *raises fists*
*Ivy runs in, scoops Martin up in their arms, and runs away carrying them*
Melanie:
Melanie: What?

*meep*

Basira: Alright, which one of us is gonna check outside?
Melanie: Not it!
Martin: Not it!
Basira: ...Neither one of you are as dumb as you lead on to be.

*meep*

TS: Compliment me.
GP Tim: You have eyes.
TS: Yeah, that works.

*meep*

Georgie: I love cooking breakfast. It makes the whole house smell like bacon.
Jon: That’s true, but it also smells like fire and panic.
Georgie: You and the smoke detector need to get off my case.

*meep*

Brian: How many vampires do you think have been hit by a car backing up in a parking lot because the driver couldn’t see their reflection?
Daisy: I’ve never considered it but you’re really shining light on what’s probably a very serious issue.

*meep*

Nastya: You know what I asked Santa for Christmas this year?
Georgie: If you say me, I swear I’ll—
Nastya: You? What? No, I asked him for that cool Ninjago Lego set we saw in Target!