Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The case had been all over the news, an underground omega trafficking ring at large hacking into the records of hospitals and clinics to target unpresented or newly presented ‘pure’ victims. Their clients had primarily been alphas and betas estranged from society, members of the same chat forums spreading beliefs about ‘optimal omega fertility at presentation for stronger pups,’ picking out ‘fresh breeding stock.’ Criminal cult-like extremists who didn’t view omegas as people, but rather as possessions, things to replace as they got older and ‘worn out’ popping out pups like products on a factory line. 

The ring was picky with their victims, knowing they couldn’t spirit away every newly presenting omega off the streets without bringing down the wrath of the entire country on them. They paced themselves. They were patient. Covering up their tracks so each disappearance looked unrelated. They held spontaneous popularity contests, so called ‘elimination games’ on the dark web, where prospective buyers would thin out a selection of victims due to present soon, voting on the ten or so ‘prettiest’ profiles with the most ‘potential’ based on the stolen records for that year’s auction. It had taken some time to track down the trafficked omegas, with all records destroyed after purchasing for obvious purposes to cover their tracks. But a few months after cornering and arresting the ‘acquisitions experts’ and making them squeal, they had finally located the last of the missing omegas.

Kudou Shinichi was young. Not so much that it was unheard of, but very young. Nine years old and an early bloomer, a few weeks out from presenting when he was taken. The criminals who had gotten his file had been swiping saliva samples from his discarded water bottles after soccer practice for weeks after the last elimination game had chosen him, tracking his hormonal balances until timing their crime just right. Their clients weren’t in the market for unripe products after all. 

One sunny afternoon, Shinichi found his water bottle missing from his bag after soccer practice. It was strange, because he was sure he had left it right next to his bag after the mid-game break. He checked under the bench, in the flower beds, asked around in case one of his teammates had taken it by mistake, but it was nowhere to be seen.

It was no big deal, he could just go buy another one from one of the many vending machines by the practice fields. Excusing himself to his coach, Shinichi left practice early on his own to buy a fresh bottle before the fields closed. But strangely, it seemed all the vending machines close by the practice fields and the school were out of order. 

He’d eventually found one working close by one of the changing rooms in the old building. The old changing room was scheduled for renovations, so no one really went there anymore. CCTV had been nonexistent in that area back in the day for privacy concerns due to the sensitive purposes of the location. 

Maybe he should have been more on guard, maybe he should have thought his missing bottle and the broken vending machines were all connected leading him to a secluded location. But at the time, all he was, was a really thirsty, tuckered out youth from a long day of practice. He hadn’t heard the adults come up behind him, too distracted by the enticing promise of fresh water after the coach had made them do extra drills training up for the upcoming game. He had spent a long, hot day kicking around a soccer ball, doing laps around the field, and was too eager to make it to the bookstore on his way back home for the latest release of his favourite detective manga series. The store owner always reserved a copy just for him.

He’d found a rough hood soaked in some sort of sickly sweet-smelling liquid pulled over his head and his feet swept out from under him as he was yanked back from the vending machine with a cry. He’d tripped of course, flailing one arm out blindly to catch his fall while he tried to use his other hand to hook under the lip of the hood. His assailants were too fast, one having already seized his ankles and zip tying his feet together and another holding a large, calloused hand over his mouth, stifling his shout for help before it worked its way out of his lips. One of the assailants was working to bring Shinichi’s arms behind his back, their strong hands enveloping his arms with their larger size wrenching his weaker, smaller limbs easily. Shinichi hated being small. It felt too powerless. He knew his dad was simply stronger than he was at this size; fully grown, mature and assisted by the extra muscle density afforded to alphas. But it was never more terrifying of a fact than being faced with two grown opponents right now. His youthful pup limbs simply lacked the strength or reach to manage any real resistance as the lip of the hood dug into his throat despite his scrabbling hand, partially cutting off his air supply.

He couldn’t see in the darkness of the hood. Not even the tiny pinpricks of light that should have filtered through the weave of the fabric. He couldn’t see, and that made it that much harder to fight back. There were at least two adults restraining him between themselves as he tried to wildly buck them off. One was a woman, the one who restrained his ankles, and the other a man, the one holding his arms and hooking the hood over his face. He was lifted off the ground like a sack of potatoes as he tried to scream, his feet failing to find any purchase for any attempt to jump off and kick one of them. His head was feeling strangely fuzzy, the sweet, warm, heavy fumes emitting from the hood making him feel all lightheaded and sluggish. Shinichi barely managed to score a scratch on one of his kidnapper’s arms before his arms were successfully wrenched behind his back and secured.

“Ouch! Fuckin’ lousy brat!” 

The man hit him hard on the head in retaliation, headbutting him with the bony plate of his forehead so that it knocked Shinichi’s head back. He saw a flash of red in his mind at the impact, the shock of it stunning him for a moment, moreso than the force of the blow itself. The impact made him see stars buzzing behind his eyelids which only intensified as more of the thick fumes concentrated in the claustrophobic hood clouded his thoughts. 

In desperation, he tried to bite the hand gagging him, only managing to dig his teeth into the rough burlap material covering his head. Whatever was soaked into the cloth, it was sour, cloying, sickening. The taste flooding his mouth made him gag as he spat the fabric back out before he could choke. The hand covering his mouth kept the fabric fast to his nose and mouth choking him with the fumes as they clogged his throat. 

Shinichi tried to scream again through the chemical soaked fabric, call out for help, make enough of a racket for someone to notice and come investigating. But the words failed to form in his mouth as his tongue grew thick, numb and useless like it was made of congealed paste. All that came out from his lips was a weak whine and a choked off gasp of chemical-infused breath. He felt his energy sap, his movements slowed, weakened. His limbs flopped over in their restraints as his kidnappers started to relax, arranging his pliant limbs to a more transportable position as they started to spirit him away. Shinichi’s thoughts failed to hold in his mind as barely more tangible than wisps of white smoke. The world began to slip, fading out to a dull … white … static.

...

His mother would be so worried …

Chapter Text

Kennels. That was the best word to describe the cages that lined the walls of the compact cement facility Shinichi had found himself in. 

He had woken up smothered in a black blanket in the boot of a car, the hood thankfully removed, his head aching and stale tongue tasting like something had crawled in his throat and died a week ago. When the car finally stopped moving, he had tried to jump out as soon as the boot was opened to make some sort of bid for escape. He had momentarily forgotten his arms and legs were still bound in the confusion of regaining consciousness as he’d successfully headbutted the abductor opening the boot, but promptly fell out of the car when he lost his balance from the blow. He had cracked his head into the nose of the kidnapper, cracking it so that it bled as the woman who had bound his legs cursed him out and stumbled back. Her male co-conspirator grabbed him while she was nursing her profusely bleeding face and caged Shinichi in with his muscled arms, smothering his cries while he screamed and flailed with his bound limbs for over an hour until he tired himself out. 

The woman spent the time tending to her newly broken nose, ruthlessly tightening Shinichi’s restraints in retribution until he was sure the blood flow was blocked off as he squirmed and his limbs slowly started getting numb. Satisfied that Shinichi had exhausted himself, the man holding him finally relaxed his grip a little to let his tired legs stumble after them as he led Shinichi into the basement of the squat cement complex. 

His numbing legs barely had enough give in the restraints to follow, but Shinichi didn’t want to be subjected to the humiliation of being dragged into the building. He dug in his feet where he could, desperate for every ounce of resistance he could offer despite being exhausted. His eyes were red, swollen and leaking as they descended past screeching heavy doors that clicked with iron locks, trying to map out an escape route in his mind if he was given the chance. If he could make them underestimate him, catch them off guard, he would have to navigate his way back out. His heart was beating a mile a minute, terrified of the sour cocktail of distressed scents and cloying warmth leaking up from the halls not even all the industrial air conditioners could disguise as the doors continued to close shut behind him, opening up to the room housing the rows of kennels. 

A dog shelter would have been more generous with the space afforded to each occupant, as each cage wasn’t even tall enough for them to stand completely, forcing the occupant to sit or crouch in the corners of the cage. Each cage inside housed a different kid. Some girls, some boys, all older and taller than him and dressed in the same basic, short grey tunics. They were concerningly slender, speaking to the poor treatment and care they were receiving. One or two of the kids were panting, glassy-eyed and flushed weirdly red as they pressed desperately against the bars of the cage, reaching out for the guards as they walked Shinichi past, crying in a desperate haze of confusion. The youngest aside from him looked to be about twelve, to the oldest at sixteen at most. 

There were maybe eight kids in all, with two empty cages at the end of the line. The sweeter, cloying scent and warmth came from the flushed kids, different to the overall stench of misery that permeated the room that itched Shinichi’s weaker pup’s nose. What terrified Shinichi was the blank, absent look in all their eyes, their minds somewhere far away not even registering when another kid was thrown into their midst as he was assigned his own cage. Once the door was locked, there was a silver flash of a knife from the woman whose nose he had broken, cutting away his zip tie restraints now that there was no danger of him making a run for it.

Once she and her companion had left, Shinichi had tried questioning the children, getting an idea of where they were, what was happening to them, and who their kidnappers were. But none of the other kids answered him, their eyes somewhere far away as they stared back at him blank and uncomprehendingly. All except the flushed kids, one of which reached out and tried to grab at the bars of his cage, rattling them as Shinichi recoiled back, pressing himself as far away as he could from the pink flushed fingers belonging to the dark-haired boy next door rattling his cage. 

“S-stay back! What’s wrong with you?!” Shinichi shouted out, terrified of the mindless grasping fingers of the teen. Why was he like that? He didn’t seem to realise what he was doing, reaching out to Shinichi like he was an oasis and the kid was a man dying of thirst.

“H-help. Feels so bad. Someone help, I’m dying. S’anyone please!” The boy cried out, his hoarse slurred speech, sweat-shiny flushed face and leaking tears imprinting a nauseating painting in Shinichi’s psyche at the unadulterated, mindless need. 

He’d never seen anything like it. He’d heard of people going crazy sometimes in specific drugging cases, but tou-san never let him read those files too closely, keeping them in a locked filing cabinet far from Shinichi’s prying eyes. 

A fresh wave of caramel-soft scent and warm vanilla hit Shinichi in the face, contrasting the pungent stench of misery as he glanced down and noticed something clear and wet dripping down the boy’s thighs.

His eyes met Shinichi’s and took on a wild look, recognising him as another human being.

“Need it, need help. You’ll help me? Plea …se?” 

The boy’s fingers curled around and started shaking the bars, trying to find a way to climb out of his cage and into Shinichi’s until one of the guards had enough of the scene and tore the other boy’s cage away, taking it to an isolated corner of the room where the boy wailed at being left alone far from the other kids, pressing his thighs against the bars of the cage in agony.

“Dammit, needy omega bitch,” the guard who had removed the boy complained. 

The guards in the facility were all wearing plain grey, padded clothing that served as a form of armour. The kind survival enthusiasts made and wore in the event of an apocalypse. Their faces were masked with dark-screened shatter-resistant shields fashioned like motor-cycle helmets that made them all seem anonymous. The only difference Shinichi could discern from the guards being their relative builds, heights, what little identifiable scent he could notice past their scent blockers, and the intonation of their voices.

The guard who had spoken continued, checking their watch impatiently. “When’s the last package getting here? We need to start the auction next week before the early cyclers finish their heats. It’s stinking like a whorehouse in here.”

Another guard looked at the first, shaking his head with disappointment. “The last acquisition failed. The target escaped and jumped out of the car into oncoming traffic. Dead.”

Shinichi’s blood went cold. There was at least one child dead from the actions of this group of people. Hopefully they were the only one, since only ten cages had been prepared in this facility.

“Our people on the inside are already on the scene making sure the cops can’t link it back to the acquisition team.” The guard gestured a thumb towards Shinichi’s cage, “He’s the last one.”

“Damn,” said the first guard with disappointment. 

Shinichi withered under their gazes as both the guards chose to look at him at that moment. His back bumped up against the cold iron bars of the cage, morbidly reminding him there was nowhere to run. His skin itched under their watch, feeling the rake of their eyes up his arms and down his form, like they were visually assessing him for flaws.

“Well, at least this last one’s pretty. He might fetch a high enough price to make up for the loss of the tenth. He looks like he’ll be due in time for the auction too.” The second guard nodded to the first decisively. 

“Alright. Tell the others to start prepping the showroom. I want the place ready for when we ship them out at the end of next week. I’ll get started on cleaning this one and start his training as soon as possible.”

Shinichi shied away but there wasn’t much he could do against a full grown adult while he was still exhausted from struggling earlier. He backed up, pressing himself into the bars as the guard’s hulking form took up the entirety of the cage door when it swung open leaving no room for him to duck past. He could tell there would be no point in resisting, but regardless, he hissed and bit and screamed his voice hoarse as the guard dragged him by the hair out of his cage. He tried to scratch at the fingers tangled into his hair, only managing to scrabble against the tough hide of the leather gloves.

The guard had taken Shinichi away from the other imprisoned youths to an empty grey room furnished with a drain and a hose, morbidly reminding Shinichi of one of those barebones rooms they slaughtered pigs in to drain their blood. There was a chain connected to an ankle restraint looped to an iron post sticking out of the ground that was clapped around Shinichi’s ankles as the guard cut off his clothes with a large, scary looking knife that had Shinichi recoiling. The guard then sprayed him down with professional efficiency. Shinichi yelped at the frigid water as he was once more held against the unyielding wall of muscle that made up the man's uniformed chest to stay his struggling. He sniffled as he loathed being small and weak. He felt like a rabbit caught in the talons of a hawk being rendered to the bone as the pressurised blast stripped him of dirt and grime. Despite the water, he couldn’t make the man’s grip so much as budge from its hold. Even if he somehow slipped free like an eel, he wouldn’t be making it very far without being simply caught again given how much extra reach the guard had on him.

Once they were done, the guard forcefully twisted Shinichi’s limbs, dressing him in his own grey tunic to match the other youths. He wasn’t wearing anything underneath, and Shinichi’s cheeks flushed bright with humiliation when he felt the hem of the tunic barely brush against the back of his thighs, feeling heavily exposed if he so much as bent the wrong way or walked too fast, causing the hem of the tunic to ride up. But at least he wasn’t totally in the nude anymore.

When he was finally thrown back into his cage with the rest of the unflushed kids, the second guard who had stayed behind cleaning up his spot offered him a cup of water upon his return. Though his mouth still tasted foul from whatever effects the drug soaked hood left behind and his throat was parched, Shinichi didn’t know what cocktail of drugs were given to the other kids to put them in this state. An injection, something in the food or water, but he wasn’t willing to find out. He vehemently shook his head at the guard, throwing his shoulder against the offered cup and knocking it out of the guard’s hands where the brittle plastic shattered on the floor. He braced himself for punishment, waiting for the guard to strike him, yell, or otherwise punish him for his defiance. However, the guard was completely nonplussed. He barely reacted to the refusal, simply shrugging off the offence before replacing the zip ties around Shinichi’s wrists. He then returned to his post, leaving Shinichi with the quickly drying puddle of water to clean up the shattered plastic cup shards from around the cage.

The punishment seemed reasonably minor at first glance. Shinichi might have managed to last three days without water, a few weeks without food, taken the time to plan an escape before he weakened too much. But the worst part was that Shinichi wasn’t allowed to sleep. When he started to nod off, exhausted by his attempts at escape; throwing himself against the bars to test their sturdiness, contorting himself to prise his nails into every nook and cranny of the cage trying to find a jutting nail or a loose screw he could work with, scratching and twisting at the zip ties returned to his wrists in hopes of breaking them, a rude baton was bashed loudly against his bars, bringing him back to full alertness as the sound pealed sharp against the metal.

Shinichi startled, eyes wide with fright at the sudden and unexpected sound ringing in his eardrums as the guard repeatedly dragged his baton against the bars to elicit a series of lighter metallic peals echoing that first bash.

“You must drink before you get to sleep,” the guard from before said simply, as if it were a plain and simple fact. At least, he thinks it was the guard from before. It was hard to tell them apart with their muted scents when they all wore the same masks and padded clothes. Especially now that his exhausted brain wanted nothing more than to drift off to sleep rather than take note of minor differences to tell the guards apart. A hand bumped the cool, smooth surface of a new plastic cup to the side of his face, heavy with water.

“What?” He sleepily asked, yawning at the cup in confusion.

The guard’s masked head tilted in an unseen sardonic smile, like Shinichi was a particularly dense pup in class that needed things explained slowly. “All good boys take their water before they get to sleep,” said the guard again, shaking the cup insistently, bringing Shinichi’s attention to it as the water lapped the edge, lightly wetting his cheek. 

It took a moment for him to comprehend what the guard was saying, too drowsy fighting off the siren call of sweet slumber. It was a struggle, but he slowly managed to focus his dry, tired eyes on the cup, finally registering the guard’s order. His eyes widened with abject dread, swallowing with realisation.

“What if I say no?” Shinichi asked hoarsely, becoming hyper aware of his dry throat. Though, he thinks he already knows the answer. When was the last time he had water? Right before soccer practice. How long ago was that now? A day? Longer? The last time he slept would be right before he woke up in this nightmarish Facility in the boot of his kidnappers’ car, if that could even be counted as real rest.

“Then, you don’t get to sleep,” said the guard.

It was a simple prerequisite. To earn the privilege of falling asleep, he’d have to take their food and water. 

Shinichi’s eyes watered, crying out for rest as they tried to lubricate themselves, wasting his precious body water on keeping him blinking. He allowed his eyes to unfocus and let them droop a little once more, contemplating his options. This complicated things a bit. Sleep was one of the few things that would disrupt his plans for escape the most if he was deprived of it, stripping him of mental acuity and function. 

Unbeknownst to his kidnappers, it was also one of his fatal weaknesses as an infamous narcoleptic. He already neglected his sleep regularly reading without it being held for ransom, sometimes even involuntarily when his brain just refused to shut off for the night. His narcolepsy even led him to being prone to spontaneous bouts of sleepiness in class, involuntarily nodding off in the middle of the day. How screwed up was it, that the people to take him would deprive him of sleep when he already struggled to get enough sleep on a regular basis? He’d be lucky if he slept much more than four or five sporadic hours, his recent bout of drug induced unconsciousness notwithstanding. 

With considerable effort, Shinichi shook his head, fighting a nod of sleep while biting back another yawn. 

“I don’t want your water,” he mumbled. “You probably did something funny with it.” He lifted his bound wrists to rub against his eyes, trying to massage away the dryness and discomfort. The action only caused him to feel dizzy, his head swimming with the urge to rest.

The guard shrugged and took his hand with the cup of water back, tipping it over and spilling the precious liquid all over the facility floor. Shinichi’s dry eyes ached at the droplets that managed to splash back up, barely wetting his toes. His traitorous tongue traced over his lips, longingly wetting the dry skin for a tantalising sip.

“It’s your choice.”

It was hardly a choice at all. Though, Shinichi didn’t point that out. He turned away from the guard, determined not to look at the spreading puddle of wasted water. Determined to try to shut it all out and close his eyes in defiance to get a wink of sleep without paying the stupid toll the guards wanted from him. 

A few hours later, when he felt the beginnings of sleep start to take hold and started to drift off again, the baton was once more slammed unceremoniously into the bars of his cage, jerking him wide awake. The impact was so loud, it made his teeth rattle in his skull. He could physically feel the reverberations warbling in his aching jaw. Or, maybe that was a hallucinatory phantom sensation caused by his quickly clouding sleep-deprived mind. The guard lifted his shoulders in an unapologetic shrug, as if nothing else could be done while Shinichi still refused to submit himself to their no-doubt tampered rations. The assault repeated throughout the night to deprive him of rest. Or at least, Shinichi thinks it was the night. It was hard without windows to keep track of the passage of time, save the changing of shifts for the guard and his continuing loss of mental cognition.

A while later, and the guard had changed again. He’s pretty sure he heard the heavy stomping footsteps of the next shift taking over through the fog of sleep deprivation. It felt like everything was happening around him in slow motion, blurry after images warping into one another. Well, which shift was on duty was hardly of consequence to him right now. The guard could knock on the bars of his cage as much as they liked, Shinichi was going to ignore them all and pass out. He stubbornly let his eyelids fall shut, and vowed to ignore the world around him no matter how loud their insistent cage rattles got.

When the next ear-rattling bash failed to so much as make him stir, the guards changed tactics. Shinichi was instead rudely ripped from the world of sleep with a hot stripe of agony striking directly between his shoulder blades.

“Aaaaah!” He jerked awake with a scream, his fingers clutching wildly in their restraints in an attempt to shield the burning hot stripe of skin. He twisted around in his cage and cast his eyes over the scene wildly in confusion, searching for the cause of such sudden pain.

Standing next to his cage was the new guard; a long, black flogger in his hands. The stiff arch of the tails and shine of the material informed him it was made of hard-treated leather. The guard’s arm raised up as he brought the flogger back down with an unforgiving ‘crack!’ Shinichi yelped, high and hoarse as the tails struck his front this time, igniting his skin where the tails struck.

It stung, the skin was inflamed and red like he had been rolling around in nettles and it stung. It was almost like getting cut, the area bubbling out in raised white lines where the hard leather had made direct contact, but his skin remained unbroken as Shinichi keeled over in his cage, curling up against the pain of the onslaught. He barely registered the dull thump of his shoulder hitting against the floor, still reeling from the hot hot hot burn of where the flogger had landed on his back and chest.

The guard holding the flogger extended his hand and Shinichi instinctively recoiled back, putting as much distance between himself and the guard as possible, which wasn’t much. However, the guard wasn’t trying to hit him, but instead was offering up a cup. 

Shinichi watched with disbelieving eyes as the guard reached into his jacket and was pulling out a bottle of water, cracking it open and pouring out a fresh serving and offering it out to Shinichi like he was a wild animal.

“Drink,” the guard said. 

Shinichi shook his head in fear, ducking his head as far into himself as he could. 

Frustrated, the guard threw the cup over water at him. Shinichi squeezed his eyes shut as the water hit him in the face, spitting out any of it that tried to drip into his mouth. The fleeting moisture was a brief reprieve for his dry eyes. A fierce ache from his insides rebelled against him for rejecting that precious water, his dry throat making itself known once more as his mouth started to waste precious hydration salivating at the prospect of fresh water only to have it denied so very close to him. His body didn’t know why he was punishing it, refusing water when it was quite literally wetting his lips just within reach, leaving the front of his tunic damp and waterlogged. 

The wasted water chilled him, making it impossible to sleep now. But it was a bit more bearable with the hot humidity of the room sourced from the flushed kids in the room, each of whom accepted their own water gratefully. Another kid had joined the first two in adapting that glassy-eyed red flush, gibbering nonsense since the change started. Shinichi squeezed his eyes closed, trying to shut out the sounds of them all practically moaning at being given water and food. The sounds of eating and drinking filled his mind as he lay awake without, wet, uncomfortable and shivering in his cage, trying to distract himself by thinking of new ways to escape. He’d have to escape, these kids were in no right state of mind to help him.

By the beginning of the third day, Shinichi couldn’t take it anymore. He was practically a zombie. The call of sleep was so strong he felt himself nodding off multiple times in the same hour, leading to a barrage of physical torment from the guards and that cursed water taunting him as it was thrown in his face every few hours. 

He was starting to get delirious, he just wanted to rest and pick out that fuzzy cotton that had started to stuff itself into his ears giving him a sense of vertigo every time he got up too fast. But every time he started to nod off, a guard either bashed their batons on the bars, pulled on his hair until he screamed, made him stand and hobble laps around the facility, shone bright lights in his face mimicking the zenith of afternoon sun, brought in sharp smelling sulphuric patches that burned his eyes and nose unbearably until he recoiled scratching at his face, or simply flogged him repeatedly with a fresh stripe of hot stinging pain on every strike. He dry eyes ran out of moisture to spare for tears when he winced in pain, too busy trying to keep themselves otherwise lubricated in the absence of rest. Not that the few tears he managed earnt him any mercy from the torment anyway. 

Frustratingly, the floggings were never so painful that Shinichi could just simply pass out purely from the pain for a brief period of respite. It seemed they had their practices rehearsed to perfection, knowing exactly just how far they could push him without having him actually lose consciousness and continue to be forced to stay awake. Counting his lack of a full night’s rest before his abduction, Shinichi estimated he had now gone something like sixty hours without proper sleep. He was starting to see ants everywhere. Tiny, little miniscule things. Marching on the bars, crawling lines across the cage floor, burning up on the lights above. He’d smell them burning, the acrid scent mixing in with the foul odor of misery in the compound. He’d feel them all crawling across his skin, crawling into his nose, ears, eyes and mouth, stinging and biting into him and further keeping him awake. But when he tried to brush them off, scream for the guards, no one else could see them. 

The guards would laugh, taunting him about his stupidity before throwing him back into the shower room, beating his aching skin with the floggers until they brushed away all the ‘ants’ off for him even after he screamed they were long gone. He was sitting in the corner of his cage now, despondent. He didn’t even have enough energy to muster a yawn anymore. His head was just so heavy, leaning against the bars heedless to the reddening mark forming on his face where it was rubbing raw against the metal. The heat coming from the flushed kids — a fourth having joined them between the previous day and today — did nothing to stave off the chill.

He started to drift off again, his mind trying to abandon him for a moment of rest,  but of course the guards couldn’t have that. 

He was gently shaken awake for a change, blearily blinking open his eyes in confusion at the unexpected comfort of a gentle hand on his side. The guard from that first shift that first day was back, holding Shinichi up after he’d slumped over. A hand was held to his forehead like Shinichi was sporting a nasty fever, and lazily holding out a fresh cup of water to his lips with the other like he was a pup in a sick bay.

“Come on boya, don’t do this to yourself. Just drink, it’s so easy.”

His eyelids felt like they weighed a million pounds, an almost insurmountable task as Shinichi slowly lifted his heavy eyes to meet the guard’s masked gaze. He seemed genuinely concerned for him, and Shinichi's bottom lip wobbled as he almost bought the lie. 

That concern was a mirage, a trick. But for a moment, he could pretend it was real. That someone in here really cared that he was hurting so bad, and that they just wanted to help him get some sleep. They were offering him medicine. The water was his blessed cure to free him of this torment. Just drink, and then go to sleep, it’s so easy.

He eyed that taunting silver sheen of water that lapped up against the lip of the cup like glittering stardust as the guard’s hand swayed in his vision. 

Why was he even resisting anymore at this point? 

It wouldn’t even matter if the water was drugged. If Shinichi managed to escape in this state, he wouldn’t make it very far without slumping over dead asleep. He was just torturing himself for no reason at this point. He wondered if his kidnappers were going to just let him die of sleep deprivation if they kept pushing him. He wondered how dying that way would even work. Would his brain just stop working when it got too tired? Fried out like an overworked circuit board? He didn’t want to die. Dying scared him. Dying would make his parents sad. And they might still come to get him, if he could just rest …

What was he protecting anymore? His dignity? His pride? What use were any of these if he closed his eyes and simply never opened them again? He felt some frayed nerve deep in his heart snap with resignation as the fear of death beat out any stubbornness that was still lodged in his bones.

... He wished they'd just hold him down and waterboard him for his disobedience. It felt that much worse when he had to barter for his right to rest. Agree to their demands of his own accord, no matter how forced his hand was. 'It was only water,' he tried reassuring himself. They haven't won. Not really. He's just making some compromises to maintain some degree of strength. This wasn't giving up. He'd still find a way out of this. 

He didn’t have enough energy to nod, but he let his mouth hang open in open invitation, the pink of his tongue slightly peaking out, a silent plea.

The guard gently guided the cup to his lips, letting Shinichi finally drink gratefully. After so long without, the tasteless liquid tasted like ambrosia on his tongue. If it tasted sweet, bitter, or otherwise tampered with, Shinichi wasn’t in the right mind to notice. He wanted to drink more, gorge himself from having been dehydrated for just as long as he’s been deprived of sleep. But the guard only gave him small sips to prevent Shinichi from drowning himself as he kept slowing down half-way to nod off into a micro sleep. The gentle hand steadying the back of his head up to the cup was nice, soft and firm. It was almost like a pillow, Shinichi could’ve fallen asleep right then and there, leaning into the guard’s hold like a nursing babe.

"See boya, that wasn't so hard, was it? And here you were, making such a big fuss of things," the guard chuckled, lightly carding his gloved fingers through the hair at the nape of Shinichi's neck.

"If you'd just listened right from the beginning, it wouldn't have gotten so bad. You're so thirsty, you poor thing."

It took an eternity, but when he finally finished his cup of water, Shinichi was laid gently onto the floor of his cage, a warm blanket thrown over his body in contrast to all the acute cruelty he was experiencing before.

His head felt like a lead weight, magnetised inevitably to the ground as he was finally allowed to lay down. He couldn’t hold his eyes open any longer even if he wanted to, he was just so tired as he breathed a sigh of relief, curling deeper into the warmth of the fluffy blanket. Not even the beginnings of a bitter curl of guilt could break through the pleasant void of sleep dragging him under.

The world was still and silent. No pain, no more noise, no more burning on his skin or in his nose and mouth. Just warmth and silence. He never wanted to get up again. For just a moment, Shinichi could imagine he was back at home, tucked safely in his bed. As his head swam from a mixture of delirium and the drugged effects of the water taking hold, he drifted off to blessed oblivion, dreaming of nothing as everything went quiet and he was finally given permission to rest.

Chapter Text

The world afterwards blended together as Shinichi felt himself drift in and out of full consciousness in a confusing well of lights and sounds. Sleep felt like an infinite drop, he could keep sinking further down, deeper into an inky dark pool, never quite reaching the bottom before being pulled back up for air. The inconsistent quality of his consciousness should have alarmed him. He’d wake up one morning for breakfast only to realise the day somehow had slipped through his fingers and it was suddenly night with no recollection of the events in between. Long, blank gaps in his memories that blurred one day into the next making the passage of time feel irrelevant. His memory was an old reel of film that was left out to burn in the overheated projector flicking through the missing pictures. But he couldn’t find it in himself to care anymore under the artificially induced brain fog. 

Whatever was in that water they tried so hard to convince him to take, it made him numb, lethargic and stupid. He couldn’t string two thoughts together and the induced calm was almost scary. If he tried to work himself up to get angry, get concerned with his missing memories, anything that wasn’t just an all encompassing numb indifference, those emotions would slip away as easily as dripping water cupped with his bare hands. He couldn’t even work himself up enough to fight back once they’d started drawing his blood and taking him back to the shower room for various examinations. They would check his teeth and vitals, take samples of his saliva to track his hormone levels, and reward him for his obedience with a healthy meal of dried foods that would dehydrate his tongue and encourage him to drink more.

There were occasional brief moments of clarity that broke through the fog that were highlighted by a cold sweat, heart wrenching-panic and restless anxiety whenever he went too long clear headed. Whenever those moments peeked through, he felt like he could start screaming and never stop. Escape became a paltry dream as even standing up became a chore, nevermind making it through the door.

Sometimes, he found he’d accept the water automatically, already deep in another draught in a well-practiced motion before his mind caught up to him to even think about refusing. It was simply a force of habit at this point. The water made him docile and complacent. It silenced the distressing thoughts for the comfort of numbness. He didn’t have enough mind to think about refusing when new people came in the shower room to take pictures for ‘promotion’ of some big event they were all working up towards. It was only after he was returned to his cage, that he was even aware he had been returned without the grey tunic. Eventually, it was returned to him when the changing shift of guards took notice, and everything went back to normal. 

‘Normal,’ in this case, was a new routine the guards had established once Shinichi had started taking the strange water. Wake up, have breakfast, take his water, follow the guards around to begin simple ‘training’ sessions as he was told to sit, lay down, turn around and stay still for hours on end. Simple, repetitive commands, so mind-numbingly easy that he could do them on autopilot. He could do that, he could listen. He didn’t need to think. Why did he make everything so hard before? He was sure if he was aware enough to request a mirror, his eyes would be just as dull and glassy eyed as the rest of the children. But that didn’t concern him anymore. He just had to pay attention to the commands and he’d get to sleep at the end of the day. A little while later, and the Commands during training became harder; Sit on that guard’s lap, Lay as another guard held him down, Turn around and Bend Over. No, not like that. Like that. Stay, hold still as hands wandered wherever they liked on his body. 

Nothing about performing the new Commands ever actually hurt him, and it wasn’t anything he couldn’t physically do, barely a step up from the earlier status quo. But still, Shinichi struggled with the increased difficulty. The guards would scold him every time he hesitated, insisting on how physically easy the task was.

He was doing so well before, so why couldn’t he do it now? Was he stupid or something? It was barely different from earlier. They were basically the same Commands, just a little more detailed. Look at how easy the other kids could do it, why can’t he keep up? Stop being such a child about it. It’s so simple. Again. Try again. Just do what you’re told. It’s easy.

Midway through the week when he still struggled, they tried pairing him up with a partner; the sweaty, glassy-eyed flushed boy whose cage was next to his before being moved from that very first day. He didn’t know the boy’s name, only that he was now his partner. He was the Senior student, while Shinichi was the Junior. Names were discouraged. Names had no meaning during Training after all, you have to obey every Command, you have to obey Alpha. 'Alpha' was what the guards called themselves, what they called the other staff of the Facility. It didn't matter if that person's presentation was alpha or not, as there was the odd beta guard, but they're Alpha now. The other boy was all too happy to follow the guards’ commands, practically smiling all the while as he did so. He looked at Shinichi in disappointment whenever he hesitated, his eyes wondering why this dumb kid he was paired up with found it so hard to obey. 

The rebukes from the guards were now shared between the two. Stop being so difficult. Are you finished with your little tantrum? The older boy follows the Commands just fine. You, help your junior until he gets it. I don’t care if it’s not your fault, make him get it right or you’ll both be punished. 

Whenever Shinichi earned them a punishment, the other boy would look at him with a hurt expression of utter betrayal. Shinichi felt awful getting the other boy punished too. He would do exactly as the guards say, he followed Commands, he didn’t deserve to be punished. It wasn’t his fault Shinichi was the one misbehaving. It wasn’t his fault Shinichi was being difficult. He didn’t want that boy to get hurt because of him. So, he tried harder to follow, just like before. 

He had to admit, it was a little easier for Shinichi to follow the commands now that he wasn’t alone. When it was too hard to follow the Commands from the guards directly, he could just focus on following the other boy’s lead instead. See how easy it is? Just listen to the guards and everything would be fine. Remember how easy it was just yesterday? Just like that. Autopilot, don’t think too much about it, just follow the other boy’s example. It didn’t matter if being pushed into the wall with his wrists pinned high over his head made his heart catch in his throat and his skin crawl. Look how easy it was for the other boy. Stop making such a big fuss, you're being a baby. It didn’t matter if his heart felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest when he felt hands lingering up his tunic while being Commanded to Stay still. Just don’t move. Nothing is easier than not moving. Everything is easy, yet it isn’t. He wasn’t getting hurt when he followed orders, but it still ached. Like flashing after-images of an imagined violation he couldn’t quite identify. But it was all in his head. They told him he was just being stupid. Only someone stupid wouldn’t be able to follow such easy orders. Hold out his hands, hold this ball. Squeeze it. Gently now. Keep your hands in that shape. Just like that. Now … Don’t move. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling his hands guided somewhere else entirely. 

Good boy. 

It was easy, it was easy, it was easy.

And yet after every session Shinichi felt like he was about to throw up. When it got too much. he’d ask for extra water to wash himself of that unsettling, invisible aftertaste in his mouth. He'd use the water to rinse himself thoroughly inside and out, between his gums and down his throat even at the cost of making him feel so dizzy he’d basically lay comatose for the rest of day and the guards had to take the water away before he overdosed himself. He wanted to wash his hands and scrub his skin clean until the weird, oily, crawling feeling went away. There was a slick on his skin. An invisible, inky oil slick that was staining through his pores. There was something deeply unsettling about the way the alphas in the Facility ordered him around that felt slimy. Like a writhing mass of eels were slithering over each other in his stomach pushing up against the lining and trying to escape through his throat. They liked ordering him around. They revelled in his visible discomfort. They waited to pounce like hungry panthers, waiting for him to mess up and hesitate too much, flinch, do something wrong, and correct him. And then, when he successfully masked a discomfort with enough practice, it was a victory. They’d celebrate. They’d praise him. 

Good boy.

Whatever was a victory to them, subsequently felt like a loss to Shinichi. He didn’t quite know what he was losing, but he still felt like something was slipping away every time the guards got him to do what they wanted. But it was still a learning process. He was too new to the training, the newest acquisition there, and not every Command could be simply followed, even with the older boy’s guidance. He was still failing some of the easy tasks. He didn’t like the tasks involving his mouth. Or the ones where he had to Lie down. 

His mouth was too sensitive. He didn’t like the feeling of nails, metals or plastics digging into the soft tissue, dragging along the silken flesh like snake fangs. Foreign things that didn’t belong there. His jaw was smaller than the other kids, and it would ache and strain when he had to fit a metal fitting behind his teeth, holding his mouth open for ‘medical inspections’ while he learned the “Open” Command. They’d order him to close his lips over the fitting and he just couldn’t, looking and feeling stupid while the other kids obeyed while he gagged. The metal left coppery imprints in his gums pressing into the thin membrane but it never cut into his mouth, so he was just being stupid complaining.

The Lay Commands made him feel impossibly smaller than he already felt. It was one thing to be towered over by the guards every waking moment of every day when he Commanded to Follow or Heel. It was another to then actively make himself even smaller, Lie back like a cowed kit. Lie flat like a flattened hamburger steak, set to grill on a bed of sizzling coals. He let his mind leak out his ears like the juices of said steak, thinking of nothing, shrinking under the heat of the guards as they positioned themselves above him, to get him ‘comfortable’ as the brain moisture sizzled away until he was dry and charred and inedible. Maybe then, they wouldn't bother with him. Until then, he’d have his arms pulled and held where they liked, his middle enveloped in gloved hands that fit around half his smaller waist all the while he had to Lie, and be Still, be Good.

He couldn’t quite do it. He kept acting out. Spitting out the metal, gag, twitching his teeth at the fingers that pried his jaw open. Needing to be pushed back those extra few inches every time they told him to Lay because he couldn’t bring himself to completely submit. He knew he was disappointing the guards. They argued something about an ‘auction day’ fast approaching but he was still too new, too untrained to put on the showroom floor compared to the other children.

“It’ll be fine, he’s a tiny thing, if he disobeys, it won’t be too hard for his new owner to just put him back in line and finish his training that way.”

“Untrained pups bite back, we can’t send him out there-”

“We also can’t push back auction day any more, the early cyclers are coming to the end of their first heats!” 

He didn’t know much about what the guards were talking about, but he didn’t like the guards fighting about him. It meant they were paying extra attention to his ‘progress’. It meant extra training, longer sessions trying to catch him up to the others. He felt irrationally disappointed with himself, usually after his partner got punished in their paired results because of his incompetence. He was usually such a talented student at school, what was wrong with him now? It was so easy. He was holding the other boy back. Why couldn’t he just fall back into that comfortable autopilot space and just follow all the orders like everyone else? Practice. Get used to that weird feeling he'd get when he did things on autopilot without thinking about it until it became a habit. Remember that feeling. Try feeling it again even without being Commanded. Practice. So what if it made him feel uncomfortable? Discomfort was one of the least painful things to happen to him since landing in this Facility. Practice. They could be hurting you worse, like those first few days. Just follow the easy orders and you won’t get the other boy hurt. 

Even still, despite all the practice, he didn’t like the Commands. It wasn’t normal, what they were asking of him, no matter how ‘easy’ it all was.

Eventually, he’d started feeling a faint, warm, prickling sensation crawling up his skin. It felt different from the usual drug induced fugue state that came with the water. The sensation came in waves, crawling up his spine, heating his core and up to his shoulders before fading quickly after a few minutes. He tried asking the guards about possibly feeling sick at his next health check, and they laughed in his face, secretive furtive glances between themselves that he couldn’t decipher. It meant something, but they weren’t telling him what. They didn’t like telling him anything that wasn’t ‘important enough’ since his mind was only half there anyway. So, it must not have been very important.

All the other kids were flushed now, save for Shinichi. It must be something going around, although for some reason the ailment wasn’t affecting any of the guards. Shinichi wondered if he was finally catching the same sickness. Maybe that’s why the guards were unconcerned, because none of the other kids were dying yet and the sickness was harmless. 

As the day progressed and another wave of prickling warmth faded from his skin, he started noticing the guard’s scents. His nose had become more sensitive than before. He always wondered how his dad could tell Shinichi had been snooping around his case files when he had been so careful not to leave a single trace. His dad had said it was his 'unique identification scent.' Shinichi didn't know what he was talking about at the time, it was ‘something he’d understand when he was older.’ But now, he noticed it. Slight smells that lingered where people had been, leaving their trace. A muddled stale scent under the guards who used scent blockers, though that wasn’t many of them. 

It was the first time he’s had anything to differentiate between the guards without them first speaking to him, so he started referring to them by their identifying scents in his head. The first guard, he had a spearmint scent, so Shinichi had nicknamed him Spearmint. The one on the second shift had a metallic thunderstorm sort of scent, so Shinichi nicknamed him Ozone. It made it easier to tell the time when he could tell the guard’s shifts apart. Spearmint was stricter and better at ‘handling’ Shinichi for training, so he had morning and afternoon shifts. Ozone was better at getting him to eat, the ‘good cop’ in this scenario, manipulating him into not emanciating himself any further given the already poor nutrition in his new diet. He acted like a concerned, but stern parent who was just looking out for the best for Shinichi.

You haven’t had enough rest recently, take this. The water will help.

It was a false kindness, but kindness in the Facility was in short supply, so Shinichi let himself pretend when he missed his parents too much. He liked feeling Ozone’s hand on his forehead like he was running a fever. Like everything hurting was being tended to by an adult and he could just focus on getting better. He was the one who suggested to Spearmint that Shinichi be assigned a training partner and made it easier for Shinichi to obey the harder Commands.

It wasn’t long after that the time came where everyone had to be moved. There was a flurry of movement in the facility, guards cleaning out cages, everyone taken for a thorough bathing. Shinichi didn’t know how many days had passed since that first night, nor what was happening, but he soon found himself draped in a flawless new white satin tunic. It was softer than the previous grey and stood out stark against his skin like fresh snow. It was light and flowy, falling across his shoulders gracefully like liquid silk. Yet, each fold of fabric felt unbearably restrictive to Shinichi as he fidgeted restlessly in it, the unknowable itch deep inside starting up again. It was more insistent today, the waves coming in faster intervals and starting up a mild shiver.

He skipped breakfast, telling Ozone he felt too sick to stomach it. Ozone normally insisted, not one for being disobeyed as his dedicated training guard, but for some reason, he nodded as if he had been expecting Shinichi’s request. He let Shinichi skip and simply helped him onto a chair while he went about his other tasks with the other guards. Shinichi abruptly sneezed at the sharp scent coming from Spearmint cleaning out his cage mixing with the sterile odour of industrial strength cleaner. He could now pick up notes of cornflower interlaced with the guard’s unique scent he hadn’t noticed before. For some reason the cornflower scent told him the guard was probably anticipating something. He didn’t know how he knew that, only the added scent was making him also feel an echo of restlessness. Like a honey bee busy tending to the flowers. There was also an undercurrent of eager acidity that was disguised by the scent blocker passed around by some of the guards. It wasn’t entirely … unpleasant. Just, slightly enticing. 

Once everything was clean, each spotless cage with its newly white-dressed occupant was separated into individual moving carts, wheeled out and loaded up into a line in front of a large industrial elevator. They had never left the belly of the Facility since arriving here. Shinichi shifted nervously, wondering what could lie in wait in the upper stratums he had yet to lay eyes on. The floor they had been trained in had been subterranean. He hadn't been on the surface level since arriving here, and he wasn't exactly shown around when he was dragged inside.

Shinichi watched in trepidation as the first of the children, a fifteen year old girl — one of the flushed kids, was loaded up onto the elevator with her trainer guard and lifted out with the guttural clanking of weary internal machinery. He heard a distant applause from far up above as they were evidently received rapturously by some kind of live audience. Shinichi couldn’t hear anything from above after that, the roar simmering down to a murmured quiet you’d only get in restless theatres.

The guards paid no mind to the commotion above. Instead, they were focused on a digital display, showing a picture of the girl who had gone up, like a mugshot, and a number flashing beside the phrase “Lot 01”. The way they were all crowded around the single screen reminded Shinichi of people at bars clamouring over a big soccer game or horse racing. Friends making bets on the scores, rooting for their chosen champion.

How strangely normal, to make friends in such a facility where the sport was training youths to the point where you could joke and make bets with them. He supposed the girl was the champion the guards were betting on in this scenario. Although, Shinichi didn’t think the girl was sent up for any sort of competition.

They were using the pictures they had taken from the shower room in the early days. Pictures that documented facial structure, height, weight, build, as well as any blemishes to the skin like a bizarre autopsy report. This girl had a little scar on her wrist and a mole on the left cheek that would have highlighted a dimple when she smiled. Not that Shinichi knew if she had dimples. They were collectively too hopped up on mood regulators to express much of anything enough to show off that kind of emotion.

The guards got more and more excited as the number next to her picture got bigger and bigger. Shinichi didn’t have enough mind to register much about what the number meant. All he knew is that after the number stopped moving, the guards cheered, high-fiving each other for a job well done. Then, there was another round of applause from above, as the elevator came back down without the girl or her guard. Vanished into the ether.

He hadn’t even known her name.

They loaded up the next cart. 

That incessant itch inside flared up again, slightly worse than before, and Shinichi crossed his legs in irritation. He wished that itch would stop, it was distracting him from what was happening around him and he was pretty sure it was important. He was last in line. One by one, the other older kids went up, and none of them came back down. Sometimes, the remaining guards got really excited about how big the number next to each kid was getting, reaching as far as six digits long. That seemed to be a good thing, as they all whooped and cheered whenever it happened, taking turns to take a swig from some celebratory flask Ozone had stashed in his pocket. 

As the night wore on, the irritation between his thighs intensified to a fierce buzz as did the sensitivity of his nose. He tried to distract himself from the former with the latter, documenting more and more subtle things about the scents he was picking up and the world around him. That rainwater guard had an undertone of grapes to him, that one smelt of sea breeze and whiskey. His own scent was shifting too. He had detected a fading milk scent on his skin that wasn’t washed off by the bath, and an increasing scent of orange blossoms infiltrated with the woody taste of walnuts under his tongue. His own scent disinterested him, quickly adjusting to the sensitivity of his nose and becoming nose-blind to his own identification scent. Other identification scents, however, smelled interesting. Like he could follow the smell like an enthralled rat by a piper out to a pie left out on a windowsill to cool if he chose to.

The colours of the world started to seem a bit more vibrant and vivid, a technicolour filter glazing his eyes. Lights hurt to look at for too long, leaving dizzying afterimages burned into his retinas. There was a thrumming in his ears, was he hearing his own heartbeat? The prickling sensation inside was synchronised to the convulsions of his heart. Each individual stitch of fabric stood out against his skin like a knife’s imprint as he restlessly adjusted the restrictive collar of his tunic. A hand lunged out and grabbed his thin wrist, pulling it away from his collar as Shinichi looked up at Spearmint in confusion.

“Not yet omega, save it for the big reveal.”

… Omega? 

It felt like the floor dropped out from under him. Shinichi looked down at himself in confusion. They’d never called him that before. It was always ‘pup’, ‘boy’, ‘boya’, ‘Junior’, or ‘brat’ on occasion. He had heard them address his senior partner as omega, but never Shinichi until now. Did that mean he was … an omega? How … how did these guards know? No one here should know what Shinichi was going to present as, not even he knew. No one should have known except his parents, who had a blood test done months ago to get a peek ahead of schedule, but didn’t tell him until they covered that material in school. He didn’t know anything about alphas, betas or omegas yet, save for what presentations his parents were. What was … happening …

Before he could think on it too much longer, there was a jerk of machinery and Shinichi realised in his cloud of slipping thoughts he had missed that his cage had been loaded onto the elevator. As they began to ascend, the Spearmint guard leered down at him with a wicked grin.

“Alright omega, it’s my turn to see all our hard work finally pay off.”

Bright.

Shinichi used his hands to shield his eyes from the piercing white lights that bathed the stage, eclipsing out any hint of colour in favour of stark, defining shadows. A sea of dark faces seated in a small stand that could seat around a hundred individuals stared down at him. Shinichi squinted against the light, trying to make out the people in the stands, but they remained anonymous shrouded in shadow and mystery.

The stage was semi-circular and polished to a reflective finish. Guards were stationed every few metres outfitted in formal wear, but no less intimidating with their protective masks as part of the facility furnishing. Ozone stepped off the elevator to join them, his post in front of the stage where Shinichi could still see him. Long, luxurious velvet dark drapes cascaded from somewhere in the ceiling, shrouding the stage in sheets of apparent wealth and masking the bare-bones skeletal infrastructure underneath. There was a metallic ‘clunk’ as Shinichi’s cage was loaded off the elevator and wheeled in front of the glaring lights by Spearmint.

An announcer Shinichi didn’t know in a tailored pressed dark suit waltzed into the spotlights, his highly polished shoes clicking against the stage as he lifted a microphone to his mouth.

“My esteemed guests, alphas man and woman, and those yet unaddressed. Tonight I have presented you with our finest stock. You’ve seen freshly presented omegas, you’ve seen recently presented in heat omegas. I know he may look a bit young, but I now show to you, an omega in the very midst of presenting! I invite you to watch, as this beautiful specimen blooms before our very eyes in his very first preheat!”

Shinichi felt the weight of a hundred stares all focused on him and he wanted to shrink back as his skin prickled at the attention. Spearmint’s arms quickly encircled his arms, caging him in place so he couldn’t fall against the floor of the cage like he wanted to while he whimpered. Spearmint’s hands lit a fire where they made contact with his sensitive skin, confusing him at the strange reaction. He had never felt like this before when the guards touched him, was he having an allergic reaction? Everything was getting so hot, so strange. He could feel the sweat starting to build up on his brow as his breath started to come out in soft pants in an attempt to wick away the heat.

“Bring him here,” The announcer ordered with a crook of his finger.

Spearmint obliged. He let go of Shinichi’s arms to deal with the lock. There was a clanging of heavy metal as the door to his cage was opened and a shrieking creak as the hinges protested. 

Shinichi didn’t want to step out, convinced that someone was plotting to devour him as soon as he left the relatively safe confines of the cage.

The Spearmint guard moved to stand in front of the cage, an impatient hand gesturing in a familiar Command. 

“Follow.”

Follow. He knew that Command. His foggy brain registered it in his mind. He’d done it many times in the past. Follow the guards, do as they say. Follow the Commands. If that’s too hard, Follow the other boy Following the Commands. But the other boy wasn’t with him anymore. Shinichi was on the stage on his own, and he’d have to Follow the guard without anyone there to guide him. It was easy, it was easy, just do it. 

But Shinichi was still rooted to the spot.

The guard repeated himself, his voice growling with authority. “ I said, Follow.”

Shinichi’s body jerked forward to obey without his permission, shifting with practiced ease automatically into that familiar autopilot headspace drilled into him. Spearmint’s voice reverberated in his very bones, demanding compliance, an authority he couldn’t ignore. He wanted to obey … didn’t he? Shinichi didn’t know why, but his body reflexively responded to the guard’s Commands. Something in the tenor, or the growl, that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end if he even thought of disobeying. If only his head would stop getting so hot, it was getting so hard to think … 

So don’t think, his brain replied on autopilot. 

That was better, wasn’t it? It was just like training. Don’t think, just follow the Commands. See? It’s still easy.

He stepped after his guard obediently as if in a daze, unable to wrest his hazy head from the compliant headspace it had shifted into. Not thinking at the Facility had become habitual. And like all bad habits, it would be a hard one to break at this point.

They stopped in front of the announcer, another alpha. The announcer smelt of cinnamon and lime, Shinichi noted, masked substantially with a scent blocker that grated against Shinichi’s nostrils. He could have been a news anchor with his neatly coiffed hair and freshly shorn face cleaned up for a look of professionalism for the audience. Shinichi idly wondered how such a regular looking individual got wrapped up in a human trafficking ring. Or any of the guards, for that matter. Everyone involved just looked like regular people, not monsters. That was one of the hardest parts to accept about all this. That regular people could treat kids like himself this way. Spearmint stepped back, allowing for the announcer to take the lead once they were in front of the podium.

The announcer took Shinichi’s hand and guided Shinichi to stand on a raised platform, activating a large digital display overhead that had his pictures on it, as well as several other details Shinichi couldn’t read in his mind-fogged state.

“Age nine, twenty-nine kilos, a hundred-and-thirty centimetres tall. Hips seventy-two, waist fifty-nine, chest sixty eight centimetres. High potential fertility, blood type B-negative, disease free, no markings, untouched, of course, and in overall good health,” the announcer assessed.

He then curled his finger in a circular motion to Shinichi as he spoke in an equally authoritative voice as Spearmint had. “Omega, Turn. Ah, slowly now.”

He was still not used to anyone addressing him as an ‘omega.’ He didn’t even know if their assumptions about his secondary gender were true, so it took Shinichi a moment to realise the Command was for him before he amended his movement, following the Command and slowly turning on the spot in a full rotation until he faced the front again. 

“As you can see fellow alphas, he’s just as pretty from behind as he is in front.” The announcer praised.

Shinichi minutely shuddered at the praise. It didn’t feel like praise. 

“Omega, give me your arm.”

Shinichi offered the appendage without thinking. His mind all but absent, having shifted into the back of his brain and just let the trained autopilot take over. It was just like basic training. Arm up. Arm down. Again. Hold. Turn. Stay.

It was easy.

The announcer felt along his arm, demonstrating just how easily Shinichi’s wrists fit into the loose circle of his hand, all the way up past his elbow up to the shoulder.

“Such cute, spindly limbs. Sure, he’ll get a bit bigger soon, but look at those delicate wrists. Why, they’d look quite fetching encircled in some nice chains and jewelery, am I right alphas?”

There was a smattering of agreement from the stands, eyeing Shinichi’s arm like a cut of meat.

The announcer lowered Shinichi’s arm, and dug his fingers into the soft skin beneath Shinichi’s jaw, prising it open. Shinichi winced in protest, still uncomfortable with the Command, but let his mouth fall open, pretending he was just having another health check-up. He felt like he was being paraded like a show pony. Walk up and down the stage. Turn around. Open your mouth. Show your neck.

It was easy. 

A small, plastic-wrapped camera mounted with a pen light shone into his mouth, the live streamed image of the inside his mouth showing up on the big screen highlighting his pink tongue and all his pearly teeth. Shinichi tried not to gag at the bitter taste of alcoholic disinfectant lingering on the plastic disposable wrap, the announcer no doubt having repeated the action on all the other kids that came before him.

“Healthy teeth as you can see. Cute tongue. He might still have a few baby teeth in there, but I bet he’d look plenty cute with a gap tooth. Pretty lips, not the fullest I know, but he can fit quite a bit into this mouth of his. Though, we haven’t quite had him long enough, so his gag reflex does need some work to really cement in his training!” The announcer trailed off in a tittering laugh like they were all in on some inside joke.

The hands drifted to encircle his face, pulling open his eyelid as the camera and pen light shone right into his eyes. He knew better than to blink though. Blinking when they were looking at his eyes would make the guards mad, even though the light seemed so much brighter with this weird, new light sensitivity Shinichi was developing with the strange sensation in his guts.

“Eyes are a beautiful cobalt sapphire blue colour. Gem-like. I tell you what folks, this was the first thing all our preliminary voters in the online elimination round noticed first about him. Big, beautiful eyes, cute enough to melt your heart. Nothing looks better than seeing these big beautiful eyes starry with tears. You might need to work to get them out of him. But they’re well worth it, let me tell you.” 

The hand in his hair then jerked his head to the side, exposing his neck while Shinichi wordlessly snapped his teeth shut and winced, far too used to the rough treatment to complain. The heat at the base of his spine throbbed. This was right. He had to bare his neck to alpha, submit to alpha- Wait, what?

“Thick dark hair, long pretty neck. This omega’s all pretty long lines as you can see, even at this age, and we haven’t even gotten to the best part yet! Omega, Turn around. Show us your legs.”

Without waiting for him to obey, the announcer and his guard grabbed his ankles, twisting him around and pulling his legs apart until he stood in a wide open stance, standing several inches shorter than his full height.

“Now, Bend over. Just like you were taught to do.”

Another Command Shinichi didn’t like. But … he’d already obeyed so much so far, would it really do him any good to hesitate now? This is just a simple Command, like back in training. It’s easy, just do this one little thing and you won’t get hurt. Stop being so stupid. You can do this one simple thing. It’s nothing. 

It didn’t feel easy anymore.

The heavy weight of the announcer’s hand on the small of his back guided him, unforgiving and final. Shinichi closed his eyes, the hot flame of intimate humiliation making itself known licking against the insides in his chest. It took a moment for him to realise the intense heat he was feeling wasn’t just from the shame brewing in his heart, but also that heat coming from his core, agitated and inflamed with new fervour. The prickling plaguing his skin became a fully-fledged internal burn. He started to feel feverish all over, his legs started trembling. Something was very, very, wrong with him. Everything was so hot, he must be sick. The illness that had taken the other kids was now manifesting itself in Shinichi’s body. Why wasn’t the announcer alpha helping him if he was sick? He needed medicine, he needed-

The hand at his back continued its pressure until he finally bent over so that his backside was sticking out slightly, his back arched just like how the other boy showed him back in training, for all the stands to see. He let out a faint gasp as he felt a sudden breeze of air lick up his sweat-beading skin as the Spearmint guard flipped up the hem of his tunic, exposing his unclothed bottom. The shameful flame in his chest rose to his face, threatening tears.

“Beautiful, isn’t it? His hole is as pink and flushed as a rosebud. As you can see, he’s just on the cusp of presenting his first heat. Moments away, really. Maybe even within the hour. He smells absolutely divine, as I’m sure you’ve all noticed. His heat-scent is orange blossom and walnut, for those of you still wondering in the back. Yet, there’s not even a hint of slick coming from his hole,” the announcer gloated, passing a dry thumb over Shinichi's entrance in demonstration as Shinichi held back a flinch.

“You all know what this means folks, it only gets better from here!”

Shinichi was twisted back around, foreign arms looping around his arms and chest like immovable iron coils as he was pulled bodily against the announcer, who scented the crook of his neck deeply while Shinichi tried not to squirm. The hard line of the announcer’s chest lit a new inferno up against Shinichi’s back at the contact. It was getting too hot, too hot. He wanted to get away, he wanted to get closer, he couldn’t decide, he just wanted the burning warm to stop. Shinichi felt the creeping grin spread across the announcer’s lips as he rested his chin over Shinichi’s head.

“So, how about we get this auction started, before the lucky winner misses his chance to knot this ripe bitch at just the right moment?”

Shinichi lost what little coherence he had after that. Everything was moving too quickly, people shouting too loud, desperate to get the last word in as the number on the digital display behind him grew larger and larger in a frenzied craze. It was all he could do to support himself against the announcer, clinging to the announcer’s clothes to stop himself from collapsing outright.

Everything felt so hot.

He didn’t know what was happening. Surely he was dying. Some awful ailment had taken him like the kids before him and now these alphas were fighting among themselves for the scraps. He panted heavier against the announcer, the stage air the barest whisper of coolness easing the heat inside. He heard a confused high whine in his ears that Shinichi didn’t realise at first belonged to him. He couldn’t focus on anything, his vision was all blurry and unfocused as his pupils dilated, effectively blinding him. A profound ache made itself known between his legs. Itching, hot, hot and so, so sore and he didn’t know how to fix it. Crossing his legs had stopped working, and he was pretty sure the alpha he was holding on to wouldn’t like it if he kept doing that but it hurt so bad he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t hold it in anymore, and he started to cry. It hurt so much, and it was so, so hot. The tunic felt too harsh on his heated skin as he tried to pull it off, getting tangled in the folds of soft white satin. Wouldn’t someone help him? 

There was the pounding of a gavel and the dull roar of outraged cries and disappointed groans as the auction came to a close. Shinichi covered his ears with his hands and screwed his eyes closed, doubling over. Everything was so loud. Everything was too bright. His head was throbbing. Couldn’t they all see it was too much, too much for him?

He felt hands prise his fingers away from his head, guiding him like a lost lamb stumbling in the dark to an isolated corner of the room with a door. He recognised the scent on those hands guiding him, it was Ozone. The same performed gentleness to coax Shinichi into listening to him now guided Shinichi to a dark doorway where Spearmint waited with a familiar dark hood. A new alpha hopped down from the dark stands to meet them, his hands extended to the hood excitedly.

“Congratulations sir, may you enjoy your new acquisition.”

Spearmint passed over the hood along with a box of tinctures that clinked brightly as they bumped into each other.

“Here is your complimentary box of mood regulators if he ever gets too mouthy. The best on the market. One to two doses per litre if you just want him a little quieter, a little more obedient, but still present enough to carry a conversation if need be. Three to four if you never want to hear a word from him again. You can find a list of side effects and the dosage instructions printed on the seals if you ever get concerned. If you are ever in need of any more, you know where to find us.”

“Thank you,” growled the voice from the new alpha. Shinichi could smell the sharp scent of ginger root reeking from the man, overlaid with the nutty fragrance of agar and aftershave. 

“Do you require any alterations?” Asked Spearmint almost excitedly, holding out a laminated list like a custom menu. “We provide piercings, tattoos, castrations and brandings. Other popular options include removal of the tongue, feet or hands.”

The new mystery alpha merely shook his head, patting Shinichi’s flank fondly while Shinichi himself tried not to shy away. “None of that. I paid good money to breed up such a perfect omega, I’m not about to waste it all ruining him.”

Spearmint bowed apologetically. “Very good, sir."

Ozone let go.

For a brief moment, Shinichi wasn't in a cage, and nobody was holding him. It was the barest hint of freedom, his best chance to break away despite the drugs clouding his mind, and he was unable to take advantage of it. He couldn't bring himself to run because something was seriously, very wrong with him, and he was too hot, too sick to even stand on his own two feet without feeling like he was going to topple over. His tears renewed as Shinichi cursed his increased weakness.

The alpha gleefully took the hood from Spearmint and fitted it over Shinichi’s head himself, isolating him into a world of darkness that felt more claustrophobic than ever.

“Come now, omega. I’m your new master. And you’ll call me your Alpha.”

Chapter Text

They’d barely crossed the threshold of the new location before Shinichi found himself thrown onto a bed.

He collapsed where he fell, barely able to do more than lie there and pant as the energy sapping fever got to him. Everything was layered in a hot haze of … something. His core ached and he had no idea why everything felt so intense. It was like his nerves were live wires, sparking wildly to the faintest stimulation. His upper thighs trembled and felt funny, like they desperately wanted something. A salve. A cure. Something to repel the scalding, bubbling underneath his skin. Feathers made of wisps of plasma crackling like lightning lanced white hot in his guts. His insides felt like they were about to melt if he didn’t get some sort of relief soon. 

“Finally, I've been waiting all goddamn night for this moment, pretty omega. Pretty, pretty omega. Gonna present for me? Gonna show me that pretty pink hole of yours? Leak yourself wet and let me fuck you good and full of pups?”

Alpha was saying words and Shinichi wasn’t familiar with how they were all being used. He was sweating up a cold sweat like he had taken ill, dripping perspiration into his eyes and dampening his hair in the hooded darkness. The way Alpha had spoken was intended to be filthy and blunt like an unsharpened needle puncturing into the muscle using sheer force. It was also uttered full of a terrifying reverence Shinichi hadn’t heard before, a promise.

Shinichi was stripped of his tunic, the garment flung to the side carelessly as his hands were restrained on either side by large, strong hands encircling his wrists by the Alpha somewhere above him. His bones felt like a baby bird’s. They grinded together against the bruising pressure enforced on them in a cage of fingers. He was too far gone in his desperation to feel embarrassed about his nudity, only relieved the restrictive garment was no longer irritating his sensitive skin like sandpaper. He cried out as the bare contact of someone else’s hands around his wrists inflamed his skin once more, even hotter and more intense than when the guard or the announcer had held him only hours earlier. It was like a chemical burn eating away at his nerves imprinting the Alpha’s fingerprints through the meat on his wrists into a black charred scar. It was unbearable, he couldn’t stand to be touched, yet he couldn’t get enough of it. The contact was divine. Like touching the sun. Too hot, but too brilliant to refuse. He leaned into the Alpha’s touch, sought it out. What was wrong with him? He didn’t want this, he didn’t want anyone to touch him anymore. He wanted them all to stop. But the touch was the only thing that served as a cool salve to that burning inner hurt inside him. It provided a modicum of relief, the barest hint of contact he was desperate for. It made his thighs tremble and his voice whimper with need. 

The hot, damp hood was pulled off his head, revealing the sight of the enraptured Alpha who had bought him. Wiry brown hair, wizened, steel grey eyes, maybe early fifties. He was much bigger than Shinichi and built like a blue collar worker. He could have been someone he passed on the subway, in the convenience store, he was just an ordinary man. But at this point, he had appointed himself as Alpha. The Alpha’s tie was askew as he ripped off his formal wear, long done with the formalities of the auction house and eager for his prize. A dark, musky scent Shinichi didn’t recognise mingled with the Alpha’s normal identifying scent, musty with desire and arousal.

He knew that look. Flashes of ‘training’ hit him full in the face. Flashes of the Commands given by some guards with that same look in their eye that made him feel gross and disgusting when people put their hands where he didn’t want them, even though the action itself was easy and didn’t actually hurt him. But this time, unlike training, Shinichi was sure this time was going to hurt.

A deep wrench of fresh panic twisted at Shinichi’s stomach. Instinctively, he started twisting his hands under the Alpha’s heavy iron grip in an attempt to loosen his hold. The guards would be mad if they could see him, he was being bad. Lying down is easy, why was he being such a child about it? But no amount of autopilot floaty headspace could drown out the roar of vulnerability he felt pinned to the bed under the Alpha right now. His fingers grasped at empty air, desperate to push the heavy Alpha away. Unable to use his hands, Shinichi did the next best thing and he lifted a foot and braced it against Alpha’s abdomen, trying to keep some semblance of distance between the two. He wanted to open his mouth to scream. His tongue was thick and unresponsive as it clumsily formed words against his teeth. 

“N-no. S-stop. Ple-ah! … se!” 

It wasn’t just the drugs in his system, but the heatiness in his head addling his thoughts as well. Paralysed by indecision as his body craved, but his mind screamed, he could barely think of the words he wanted to say beyond an all encompassing sense of ‘NO.’

The Alpha snorted, amused at the sluggish resistance and gently responded by dabbing off the sweat from Shinichi’s brow as he cringed at the Alpha’s touch.

“Oh please. You don’t get a say in what you want anymore, omega,” he said in a knowing, authoritative voice. He tutted like Shinichi was a misbehaving pup that didn’t know what was best for him, his soothing vocalisations a facsimile of gentle caring. He easily pushed Shinichi’s foot to the side out of the way as he situated himself uncomfortably closer. “Or didn’t they teach you that yet at the Facility?” 

His breath ghosted over Shinichi’s front, pronounced by the thin sheen of sweat, causing goosebumps to break out all over his arms and legs. Completely boxed in, Shinichi let out a thin whine, his mind shutting down at the bleak inevitability of submitting to the Alpha’s will. Everything he did was useless, the Alpha’s will overriding his own. All he could do now was just try to make everything hurt less.

“Your body is practically screaming for it. Poor thing, let Alpha take care of that for you.” 

The Alpha transferred Shinichi’s wrists into one hand, using the other to cradle the side of his face. He thumbed away the moisture collecting in the corners of Shinichi’s eyes, tracing his hand down Shinichi’s neck and over his chest, down his front, and further down still. Shinichi’s breath quickened, catching in his throat as the hand found its destination. He flinched his muscles where he felt the Alpha’s touch. He felt dizzy. His senses were overwhelmed, filled with the overbearing presence of the Alpha, everything from the touch, scent, even the taste of the musty scent pervading from the Alpha polluted his tongue like a heavy, metallic fog. The Alpha’s touch traced over the pucker of his entrance, Shinichi squirming against the contact just as the Alpha leaned down to capture Shinichi’s lips in a conquesting kiss.

It was hot and moist and feral. He bit and pulled and licked past Shinichi’s lips as Shinichi tried to twist away to no avail, gagging on the gasp of rancid breath. An alien tongue crawled into his mouth and licked his teeth, slid up to nestle against his own in forced company and swallowed up his soft whines.

“Such a cute voice,” Alpha whispered, nipping at Shinichi’s lips.

His tongue plunged sensually down Shinichi’s throat, striping down the sides and tender membranes like a honey badger lapping up the bounty of an ant colony. The undulating muscle bumped up against the insides of Shinichi’s mouth as the Alpha sucked bruises into the corner of Shinichi’s mouth.

He couldn’t breathe like this. Shinichi was getting light-headed as the assault on his mouth continued. Alpha refused to leave Shinichi alone long enough to get more than a thin rasp of air in before swallowing down his next moan. It seemed to excite him, the way Shinichi got more desperate for air, like each gasp for life was instead an insatiable plea for more from the Alpha.

As much as Shinichi hated to admit it, the kissing helped. A little. The fire inside of him delighting in the attention being lavished on him by Alpha. Alpha wanted him, wanted to help, and his foggy brain said that was good. Whatever that meant. But it still felt repulsive. Shinichi hated it. It felt good and he hated it, so it should be bad … right? 

When the alpha finally broke off, Shinichi was panting even heavier, confused at his body’s reaction to the stimulus. He was flushed all over and mourned the loss of contact. It took him a minute to realise there was an intrusion in his bottom. One of the Alpha’s fingers, slicked up by a scented oil he hadn’t noticed, pumping in and out leisurely. All the way up to the knuckle causing Shinichi’s breath to catch before pulling back almost all the way and repeat. He had been so distracted by the violent kissing, that he forgot to complain when Alpha slid his finger into him. He should have complained. If he didn’t complain, did he have any right to refuse? 

“Nnngh,” Shinichi bit back a whimper, feeling his hole stretch wide around each knobbly finger joint. His internal muscles fluttered in protest, wanting to push the intrusion back out. It felt strange, the Alpha’s fingers didn’t belong there. 

Thankfully, the Alpha pulled his hand back, enamoured by the way Shinichi’s hole shrank back to size, shaking his hands free of the excess and smearing it over himself.

The Alpha grabbed his thigh, pushing Shinichi’s leg up and baring his hole up into the air as his hips were tilted up.

“Aaah… s-stop. Do … n’t.” His lips refused to form the words Shinichi wanted, seemingly forgetting their function after having the brains sucked out of his head with Alpha’s disgusting kissing. The words stuck in his mouth like soft taffy left in the car over the summer break, coming out in a sticky garbled mess that glued his teeth together. But he didn’t want this. He didn’t want anything that Alpha was doing to him. It was weird.

He was panicking, trembling from both the cold and a deep fear as the heat burned him up from the inside out. He was sure the stench of distress pheromones coming from his pores was enough to make a mother weep, but the Alpha seemed to revel in it, exuding more of that musky arousal in return that made Shinichi’s stomach lurch. He was so weak and feverish, incapacitated by his own body burning up and unable to resist as the Alpha easily slotted their bodies together like two mismatched puzzle pieces. Too intimate, too intimate, too wrong. Everything felt wrong and scary. The ache inside him intensified white hot as the Alpha leisurely massaged his own cock, a large arching ugly thing that reared threateningly high above Shinichi’s stomach.

“Tell me, omega,” the Alpha gasped, like he couldn’t catch his breath in sheer ecstasy. “You look so young. Do you know anything about sex?”

Sex? Shinichi blushed, swallowing dryly. It was a word he’d heard in passing a few times under hushed tones that stowed away the conversation whenever he or other kids drew near. It was a secret word passed between grown ups, hidden from him until he was old enough to understand. He’d gotten some idea of what the word meant from his parents when he’d asked about it after hearing it at school, some kids revelling in saying bad words they’d learnt in the countryside and getting told off by the teacher. His parents had told him not to look into it too much, it was inappropriate for a pup his age to know too much about the subject. 

‘Sex is something two adults do together with their bodies using their private parts. You’ll know about it when you’re older, okay Shinichi?’

He felt like this was a test. A horrible test with no right answer. If he said ‘yes,’ he felt like he was giving permission to the Alpha to do something. If he said ‘no,’ he felt like the Alpha was going to teach him. He didn’t want to answer, so he shook his head wordlessly in refusal. Unfortunately, Alpha took this as his actual response.

“No? Pity,” despite shaking his head in disappointment, the Alpha did not sound in the least bit displeased, straightening up his stance as he gripped Shinichi’s wrists tighter in his hold. “Well, little omega, let me be the first one to teach you about the pleasures of the flesh. Pay attention, because this is going to be a very important lesson.”

The Alpha lined the tip of his penis up with Shinichi’s bottom. Eyes widening, Shinichi started to struggle against the Alpha’s hold, uncaring if he drew blood or bruised his wrists worse-

“W-wait!” more flashes of Training. Guards. Hands everywhere conditioning him to allow Touch when he didn’t want to be Touched. He didn’t want people touching him there with their hands, it was too much, too close, too wrong. Hands didn’t belong there, much less the Alpha’s-

“Please — don’t!” 

Wrongwrongwrong wrong-

He cried out as the engorged tip of the Alpha’s penis pushed past the tight ring of muscle there just like the finger before, only much, much bigger. But this time, he had noticed. No, this time he was made to notice. Alpha had wanted him to see. See as he trampled all over Shinichi’s protests and had asserted his rightful place as the dictator of Shinichi’s body the moment the gavel had struck the podium by invading him somewhere no one had ever touched him before. Alpha was teaching him a lesson.

It burned . It burned so bad as the hole back there was stretched so wide to accommodate the new girth of the invading organ. Shinichi had to gasp like a dying fish at the pain. He hoped the intake of air would take some of the edge off the bleeding burn, but his entire bottom half throbbed . New, soft and young, the ring of muscle was unused to the foreign stretch from the penetration stabbing into his insides and protested at the forced submission. The nerves in his spine were alight and he couldn’t even move to push the Alpha away. He tried to squirm away, shift his hips back and ease the burning pressure but the Alpha’s hips only followed, maintaining the seal. Tiny pinpricks of red lit up behind Shinichi’s eyelids with every throb as he tried to blink away the burgeoning tears. He tried to cross his legs as best he could with his thigh still pushed up to his stomach, clenching up the muscle to reject the foreign length. The Alpha groaned at the pressure, a guttural, pleased sound that made Shinichi’s toes curl up in revulsion.

“That’s it, so perfect. Can’t wait to fuck you full of my pups. Keep squeezing so good, always liked my bitches tight, feels like my dick is about to cum, ah!”

The Alpha increased the pressure there, bearing down more incessantly on Shinichi’s hips as he was crushed down into the mattress.

“Aaah!” Shinichi couldn’t help but cry out, digging his fingernails into the sheets as he didn’t have the slack to claw at the Alpha’s hands. To his horror, the Alpha was sinking inside even deeper despite his best efforts. The tight knit of his muscles was being forcefully loosened, giving way like strained buttons on a tight fitting shirt springing open under the stress. He felt his body pried open bit by agonizing bit, split down the core like a wedge driven into a crack as his body yielded to the stronger Alpha. He could smell the coppery scent of blood mingling with that strange intense sweet smell of orange blossoms and walnut coming from him that threatened to overpower the stench of Alpha arousal. He was a ragdoll being pulled apart at the seams, stitches picked apart until he splashed his insides all over the mattress. He hadn’t known such a profound violation as Alpha nestling his penis deep inside the cavity of another person was even possible. Someone else was inside of him. Shinichi wanted to scream but the fever and drugs given by the Facility only allowed him a weak moan. 

The cursed fever in his blood sang. Even as he was mentally mortified with someone foreign shoved deep inside his hole, his unquenchable fever instinctively relished in the intimacy of full body contact with satisfaction. His body couldn’t tell where Shinichi ended and the Alpha began, so wrapped up in one another that they might as well have been one beast. Shinichi let out a desperate sob, but it wasn’t a sob of despair, but one of need. His leg that was pushed up hooked around the Alpha’s waist on reflex, holding him closer so they could fit more easily. He didn’t understand why. He hated it. He tried to jerk his leg back into subordination, tried to hit the Alpha, throw him off, do anything. But his legs were stiff, slow and rubbery, little better than kitten kicks as Alpha laughed above him.

“See how you can’t even struggle against me? You must not hate it very much. Even now, you’re so cute. Just Lie there, pretty omega. Lie. Let Alpha have his treat.”

Lie, that was a Command. He knew how to follow Commands. Shinichi’s brain stuttered, conditioned through repeated exercises to shift automatically to that familiar automatic headspace before Shinichi stepped hard on the screeching mental brakes in protest, flashing back to his Lie Training. 

Lie. Lie there. Be good. Be still. Let Alpha touch. It’s easy.

NO.

Shinichi didn’t want to follow Commands. It wasn’t easy. Not anymore. Maybe it was never easy. Don’t make him obey, he didn’t want to obey. Obeying was hard. It was so, so hard. But it was too late now and the Alpha was going to make him obey even if Shinichi broke. A cold ball of dread knotted in his stomach as he writhed in agony. He felt sick . Alpha was too big, too big to fit down there, and Shinichi was going to be sick.

The hand left his thigh, leaving a decoration of fresh fingerprint bruises and reached up into Shinichi’s hair, pushing his head to the side into the pillows to muffle his vocalised cries, making Shinichi’s decision to Lie for him as his hips creaked and the Alpha pulled back and made an experimental thrust.

It moved inside of him, that penis, Shinichi realised with horror. It was moving inside him, digging out room like he was a hollow wound. It wasn’t far from the truth, with how he bled. He could feel the squelch, push and pull of his insides following the girth of the organ as it moved. It was as gentle as a battering ram, punching unceremoniously up Shinichi’s channel like the Alpha could reach Shinichi’s lungs, cutting into his bitten-off gasps. His hips were rattled at the forceful stutter-stop of the Alpha’s movements every time his thrust was at its zenith. His young insides quivered at the novel contact, foreign and hot as the stroke of the alpha’s cock eased the feverish agonising ache inside into a slow burn. Shinichi realised with dismay that he had reactively returned to clutching at the alpha’s form, trying to ease the passage a little more, curled up slightly to take it in a little deeper. The Alpha grinned down at him, smug.

“You like that, little omega? You like sex? Like Alpha fucking you good with his big, thick cock? Take it, take it like the good bitch you are.”

His head was pushed further into the bed, pinning him down and his hips tilted upwards to meet the Alpha’s next thrust as he yelped, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes.

“Awww,” the Alpha cooed, slowing down as he noticed the tear tracks. He traced them with a reverent finger. “They were right. You look absolutely adorable like this, speared pretty on my cock.”

Shinichi hiccupped, too far gone in his tears to do more than sob and Lie limply. He couldn’t do anything. The Alpha demanded submission and he got it. He won. Shinichi couldn’t get away, couldn’t defy the Alpha’s Command. He Laid. Any resistance now was only performative. He may as well just let the Alpha take what he wanted and finish the job. His miserable energy was better spent refocusing on trying to forget just how much everything felt wrong or hurt.

The more the carnal movements continued, the more his body seemed to open up for the Alpha. He reached deeper and deeper with every stroke, breaking down Shinichi’s barriers and invading so disgustingly deep that he could practically taste the Alpha. Conversely, Shinichi’s insides seemed to welcome it. Taken with some sort of desperate sickness, his internal muscles reflexively gripped onto the girth at the stimulation and moulded themselves into a stretched out space that hurt less and less. His base instincts didn’t want to let the Alpha untangle himself from Shinichi’s flesh, using the movements to ease his internal burn. Each repeated thrust became easier, aided by the slight slickened trail left behind by the penis, nudging against his soft insides in a way that left flashes of colour behind his eyes as Shinichi did little more than pant mindlessly with need. Need for what, he didn’t know, but his stomach felt twisted up with disgust, shame and … something else. Something he didn’t want to name as it hit just the right spot to sate the flame of fever that demanded attention.

The Alpha had worked himself deep enough now that his balls slapped Shinichi’s backside with every thrust, the sound wet and disgusting to Shinich’s ears as his flesh rippled with every impact. He couldn’t open his eyes, couldn’t look anymore. He felt every movement pounding into him like it was a curse branded upon his skin, stinging hot and fresh. The organ was filling him up completely, pressing into all the places inside Shinichi he didn’t know people could reach, spaces he didn’t even know existed.

Partway through the torment, the smell of orange blossoms was almost overwhelming as a new, wet sensation began leaking from his bottom. His insides felt soaked anew shedding this new, scented secretion, and Shinichi felt the throb inside caused by the Alpha’s sex transform from pain, into something much worse; desire .

The Alpha paused in his movements, staring in abject adoration as the red smears of Shinichi’s blood mingled with the clear, sweet smelling drips of fluid that leaked from his hole. Shinichi didn’t know what was happening. It was embarrassing, mortifying, dripping fluids and leaking while plugged up with the Alpha’s length. He couldn’t stop it. It just kept coming, ebbing out of him and slicking up his passage. 

“Ah, there it is; your slick. Right on time. So perfect, gotta knot you up soon, make you fat with seed.”

Alpha picked up the pace then, rabbiting his cock back inside, slicked up with ease coated in the new slippery fluid as Shinichi’s body readily accepted him as he cried out at the thorough pounding.

“MmnnAhhhghhhhh!”

It hurt. Alpha was simply too big to fit in there without hurting him. Even as his hole became wet and slick with fluids, stretching out easily over the repeated violation, Shinichi felt nauseous, like his organs were merely in the way before becoming all twisted, bruised and battered, forcefully squeezed aside, rearranged to make room and it hurt . He was pushed up off the bed with the force of every thrust only to come crashing back down when Alpha shoved him onto his cock. The heat inside had chased away anything else in Shinichi’s brain but that burning need, need for Alpha’s cock. It belonged there, inside. Even if it hurt. Yeah, right between his legs where he could hook them around his Alpha and bring him even deeper, plant himself deep inside where he’ll be satisfied. Shinichi didn’t know where these strange thoughts were coming from, unfettered and unbidden from the deep crevices of his mind he wasn’t even aware existed until now. He cried and whimpered at the assault, still holding Alpha close, concurrently wishing it would stop and never end because he was just so, unbearably hot.

“That’s right, pretty omega, it feels good, doesn’t it? Feel me, deep inside?”

It did. Hell willing, strike him down where he Lay, but the Alpha felt so good. Shinichi was in so much pain, and it felt so bad he could throw up. But somehow, the penetration was curing his pain of fever. He didn’t want it to feel good. But it took the edge off that burn, that deep ache inside. It was the answer to his pain and it was the source of it. It made him feel so full, so satisfied, so disgusted. He hated it. He hated feeling good. He hated feeling bad. He hated himself for feeling anything at all.

“W-why…?” His broken voice trailed off, lost in a daze. Why did he feel this way? Why did it feel so good? Why was this happening? Why was he burning up so bad? Nothing else mattered, only that Alpha was moving deep inside where he belonged. Shinichi wanted to scream.

He didn’t expect Alpha to answer him. Not really, but it seemed he was all too happy to listen, because Alpha grinned above him, grinding his cock down into Shinichi’s body as he gasped at the sensation.

“Why, what, omega? Why does it feel so good? ” A deliberate grind against his hips, angling to drag his length over little pleasant spots inside of Shinichi, even as he was stretched too wide.

“Because you want it. That’s why. You’re an omega, and you’re in heat. It’s only natural.”

Heat? Shinichi wondered through the fog of fever in his confusion. What was that … ? Is that why Shinichi was feeling this way? Like he was floating, like he was drowning? Like everything was burning to a fine ash?

“H-heat?” He echoed in a small, confused voice. It was a miracle his mouth was working at all and wasn’t just lolling open in a drooling mess. It seemed an apt enough name for the phenomena consuming the entirety of his body.

Alpha pulled out, lifted Shinichi up and twisted him around, so that Shinichi was ass up on the bed in a new position. A hand was twisted into his hair and pushed his face into the sheets where he could taste the shame of his own slick wetness that had soaked into the sheets. There was a familiar musty taste there that was echoed in his own scent. A scent he had only detected on the Alpha when this vile ritual began. The taste of arousal. Oh god, was that his-

“Yes, omega. Heat .” Alpha growled possessively into his neck, the rumble of his voice tickling the small hairs there. 

“It’s your body growing up, preparing to serve its Alpha and bear pups like it was built to do. Like it wants to do. That’s why it feels so good.”

Alpha sighed as he pushed in again, relishing at the way his cock popped right into that tight ring of muscle without resistance, sheathing itself deep inside where the twitching hole massaged his length just right. 

Shinichi shuddered as he was flattened into the bed, entirely enveloped by the larger sweaty body holding him down. In this position, he was pinned like a rat beneath the shoe of one of the guards back at the Facility; squirming and squealing, begging for life while his bones were slowly being snapped one by one under the cruel weight of authority, puncturing his lungs and filling them up with fluid.

“Gonna fuck you so full. You’d like that, right, omega? Being knotted. You like my pups pushing up against your pretty flat stomach?”

Shinichi let out a whine in confusion. He didn’t know what any of that meant . Full? Pups? He wished someone would explain to him, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Alpha’s fingers trailed down over Shinichi’s front, where Shinichi realised with horror he was feeling for the imprint of his cock against Shinichi’s skin. Alpha paused when he felt the swell of the organ distending through Shinichi’s stomach, pushing against skin and petting it lightly so that Shinichi panted in panic when he felt the dual points of pressure pressing into him from inside and out. He was so full and Alpha could feel it. He was there, he was inside of Shinichi, pressing out of him like he could burrow right through.

“Ah, right there. Right here is where I’ll plant my seed.”

Alpha pulled back, and slammed in so hard it made Shinichi yelp. Again. And again. He kept going, slicked up by Shinichi’s fluids and burying himself hilt-deep as far as he could again and again. The rough treatment had caused Shinichi to bite his tongue. The slight twinge of pain helped remind Shinichi that what was happening to him was violence as he tasted blood but his hole fluttered in satisfaction. Then, Shinichi sobbed as he felt something change in the Alpha’s cock. A hot, hardened ball forming at the base, catching on the rim of his entrance with every pull. It hurt, it hurt deep inside! He kept forcing it in even though Shinichi’s hole was already overstretched and struggled to release it once Alpha got it in. 

Eventually, it got too thick to leave Shinichi’s hole, growing wide enough to plug him up entirely and force Alpha to stay sheathed inside, stretching him so wide he thought he could feel his skin ripping. A burst of fluid popped out of Alpha’s cock, delivering its load and soaking his tender insides as Shinichi shuddered, falling to the bed as Alpha finally stopped thrusting, collapsing on top of him. As Shinichi slumped, the sick burning inside was diminished to a mere simmer.  Barely there, satiated for the time being, but still present. He felt like a used dish rag as his fever was turned down, but not completely broken. His mind was starting to clear with the Alpha’s climax wetting the burn, but he dearly wished it wouldn’t. He didn’t want to be able to think a damn thing after all that. He vaguely felt Alpha moving around, the movement tugging against the base of the penis locked deep within, locking Shinichi Laying in the embrace of the man who had so thoroughly taken his body and violated him.

He felt awful.

He wanted to go home.

Chapter Text

Shinichi was tired of not knowing when he was awake and when he was still half asleep. Consciousness was like a murky bog. Inky blurred visions and vague sensations that faded in and out of focus so it was hard to tell the difference between dreaming and being too tired to piece together what he was experiencing. Vague impressions left on his skin, the shift of movement all around him, rhythmic rocking. It was like swaying on a boat, left adrift in the open ocean in a sensory dampening cacoon and falling asleep to the swell of waves, swaying to a gentle, gradual stop. Stillness. When he realised the stillness wasn’t just temporary, but stretched out for what felt like an eternity, and the flickering of colour under his eyelashes wasn’t just flashes of memory from another time, Shinichi realised he had actually woken up. It took him another moment to register he wasn’t in his cage in the Facility, the air wasn’t as diligently bleached and filtered here to mask the (now identified) pong of omega heat. It took a third moment for him to realise he was also alone. There was a quiet to the room that allowed for the privacy of Shinichi’s own breath. 

Enough time had passed that the fog of ‘mood regulator’ drugs the Facility had given him were starting to wear off. But he didn’t really feel more clear headed like he would’ve back at the Facility. The mysterious fire inside his guts had returned, blotting out more complex coherent thoughts. Though, it was not yet as incandescent as before when the Alpha had bedded him, it still fueled that internal ache inside, so that Shinichi could barely think past the strange feverish sensations plaguing his body.

Last night, Alpha had violated him. Forced his way somewhere Shinichi wasn’t even aware existed inside himself. He had vandalised the privacy of Shinichi’s internal walls with the evidence of their foul deed. He had no idea people could go somewhere so intimate, come so close, that the barrier of his body did nothing to dissuade that invasion of his insides and penetrate his flesh. He didn’t know someone could reach so far into him he could taste it in his throat, smell it in his nose and feel it in the back of his tongue. The muscle of his hole was so tenderised under Alpha’s ministrations, the flesh rendered soft and malleable, stretched and sore. Traces of Alpha were dried on the inside of his thighs, mingled with stale, sweet smelling slick from last night. 

He still felt tender. As much as his guts yearned for the salve of Alpha’s intimate touch to sate the returning burn, Shinichi wasn’t ready to do it all again. He was scared. He wanted a break. But his body didn’t seem to care, increasing the feverish fog in his head back to nigh unbearable levels. Sex had introduced so many new sensations to him. A practical demonstration of so many strange functions swelling, moving, and sliding in tandem. He didn’t know people could swell like that, that an alpha’s sex differed so much from his own just because of their designations.

Heat, Alpha had called it. The name for the unbearable fever Shinichi was now sporting. It must be something his kidnappers did to him. Making it so that he didn’t hate it as much when he followed the ‘Lie’ Commands. They made him feel this way, it was the only explanation. It was his punishment for not getting it right the first time. He wondered where the other kids were, if they were facing the same things as him. 

The room he was currently in was brighter than the underground walls of the Facility. There were no windows to the outside, but there was a tiny ventilation window left open up over the door leading deeper into the house. The hall past it was letting in sunlight. Real, delightful sunlight that was only leaking in a meagre sliver into the room when the hour allowed it. There were curtains on the tiny ventilation window, deliberately left tied open so Shinichi knew he only afforded the luxury of natural light because the Alpha had allowed it. The thin band of gold had crept up with the morning hour to rest on Shinichi’s wrists, warming them. Like comfortable golden shackles banding across the skin. The Alpha may not have been in the room at present, but his presence was still domineering over the entire estate. His scent lingered on the sheets, seeped in the walls, wafting in from the open ventilation window. At least now Shinichi was imprisoned in a real room and not just a dog cage, and there was actually enough room to stand up.

He chewed his lip in an instinctive anxiety, picking his head off the bed to look around. Alpha had left him alone. Alone. Did he disappoint Alpha? Was he not good enough? Where was Alpha? Shinichi needed him, even as he hated him. This burning ache had started licking up his spine again and he needed the cure. Alpha had fixed it the first time, he could fix it again now. Shinichi started to pant breathlessly, his insides rebelling against the stillness when he should be moving .

Shinichi had been left arranged strangely on the bed, his hips resting elevated on a fat pillow in a particular tilt. It wasn’t so elevated as to be uncomfortable or affect the blood flow into his legs, but it seemed unusual. The wave of warmth saturating his insides throbbed and his thighs squeezed, tensing into the pillow. It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t warm, it wasn’t hard, there was no pressure, it wasn’t Alpha . He mindlessly crawled to the edge of the bed. He tried to climb off, but collapsed on the floor when his legs failed to support him. A sharp pain spiked up his tailbone when he landed on it in a twist of sheets and blankets.

“Ahh!” 

That’s when Shinichi felt it. The icky ooze of something thin and runny dribbling down his thighs. He reached back behind himself to the aching, sore site which was starting to throb in need to be filled up with something new. He blushed when he pulled the sore, pink skin apart to find a milky white fluid catching on his fingers and ebbing out of him. Had Alpha put that in him? With his penis? Disgusting.

Shinichi didn’t have time to contemplate what the fluid was for much longer before the sound of unlocking was followed shortly by the door suddenly opening, revealing Alpha holding a bottle and two cups. 

“Oh, look at you. Impatient little thing. You’ve gone and made a mess.”

Shinichi recoiled as Alpha set the bottle down and came closer to pick him up, putting him right back on the bed and resetting his progress. Alpha tutted in disappointment, setting Shinichi’s hips back on the fat pillows and pushing him back down so his pelvis tilted back up. “You’ve got to keep this up here or you won’t catch as easily. Keeps the come all tidy deep inside, see?”

Alpha petted his hole gently, fingering the leakage back inside as Shinichi blushed.

“A-Alpha,” Shinichi hesitated, unfamiliar with using the word as a form of address. They were outside the Facility now, and he wasn’t sure if the rules were still the same, if he could ask questions. But the Alpha had answered his questions regarding heat yesterday, so perhaps it was allowed. 

“Where … where did you go?”

Alpha extended out a hand, Shinichi shied back, but couldn’t get too far when Alpha’s other hand shot out to grab his arm, holding him in place. He traced Shinichi’s cheek with the curl of a finger, doubling back to trail the finger pad back over Shinichi’s wobbling lip in affection. He pulled the lip back, admiring the soft curl of Shinichi’s pink lip as it parted under his hard finger. Shinichi’s tongue tasted salt. He shouldn’t move, but there had been no Command. Nothing to trigger that automatic, empty headspace in him where moving wasn’t allowed-

“Aw, did you miss me, little omega? That’s okay, Alpha’s here to look after you again. I just went out to get some food and water. As much as I’d like to, I’m an older man. We can’t all fuck like rabbits for an entire heat cycle, you know!” 

There was that word again, heat. In a new context this time. Heat cycle. He learnt about life cycles in class, when a caterpillar went through metamorphosis to become a beautiful butterfly before laying eggs to start the cycle of life all over again in a circular pattern. Did that mean that this ‘heat’ was another pattern? Was it going to happen to him again? Shinichi's eyes welled up in unshed tears. He didn’t want it to happen again.

Alpha offered a bowl of grey porridge out for Shinichi to take, tiny mashed segments of chicken and peas mixed in, filling up a cup of familiar water with a fresh dose of ‘mood regulator’. 

His mouth watering at the sight of food, Shinichi hadn’t noticed how ravenous he had gotten since waking up to the demanding burn of his insides. Shinichi took the bowl of porridge, scarfing it down like it was his last meal. At least it was salted. Last night’s activities had taken more out of him than he thought. The twinge of pain in his backside when he sat on it only caused him mild discomfort as he winced. What was more unpleasant was that his … leaking … hadn’t stopped. In fact, it was building up another wet patch under him. He hoped Alpha didn’t notice, it was too embarrassing. He crossed his legs, hoping to smother it a little, stem the flow. But nothing could stop the smell. Sweet orange blossoms and walnut, he was starting to hate the smell.

After his meal when it came to taking his water however, Shinichi eyed the cup with newfound suspicion, shaking his head and clenching up his hole as best he could.

Alpha frowned at him in disapproval, eyes growing dark. “Drink, omega. It’s for your own good. You’ll get sick after your heat if you don’t, you’re losing a lot of fluids.”

It was Commanded this time. ‘Drink.’ Shinichi’s resolve shook, straining to keep his head above the water as the threat of repeated habitual thoughtless headspace threatened to overwhelm him. But the sheer terror at his body’s recent reactions, leaking without permission and feeling all sorts of strange, satisfied sensations last night kept him from obeying. It was too new, too nauseating, the feeling of deep, profound discomfort warred with that trained empty headspace and fought it off, keeping it at bay. Shinichi vehemently shook his head, eyeing the water in enraptured fear. 

They all wanted him to drink. They needed him to drink because that’s how they got him to obey. That must be what changed him, made him into this … mess. He’d never drink from them again.

“I won’t. Not after what it did to me last night.”

Alpha rolled his eyes in exasperation, capturing Shinichi’s arm as a threat. “What it did to you?”

Hyper aware of the grinding of his bones and wincing at the pressure, Shinichi minutely nodded. “That water, it’s what made me feel all hot inside. Made me stupid. Made me … made me wet!” He cried, pointing down at his nether regions. There was no way Alpha couldn’t smell it now. He could smell the Alpha’s gingery scent responding in turn.

“I don’t like it!” 

Alpha stared at the growing wet patch of slick soaking from Shinichi’s thighs. Then he burst out laughing, clutching his stomach. 

“You think you’re like this because of a little mood regulator drug? Oh, omega, you’re so naive!”

The Alpha continued to laugh, shoulders shaking slightly as Shinichi suddenly felt very foolish, even though he was convinced in his suspicions. His deductions might have not been as good as his dad’s just yet, and his mind was horribly fogged, but all these changes started when he started taking water. If he just stopped, he’d be able to go back to normal, right? He’d stop leaking, he’d stop burning up, he’d stop feeling strange. The heat would stop.

“I don’t need this to make you wet, silly omega,” Alpha laughed, shaking the cup of water tauntingly. He pulled Shinichi by his arm close, so that he was crowded back into the bed as the cool lip of the cup traced over his lips. 

“That’s all you,” Alpha said, pointing at him with a sultry growl to his voice. “ Your heat is making you feel that way. Your heat is making you wet. You’re in heat because your body is in heat. This heatscent is your heatscent.”

Alpha leaned close, scenting deep at Shinichi’s neck. Shinichi craned his head back, unable to physically sink any deeper into the bed to back away while Alpha’s breath washed over Shinichi’s face.

“You’re hot and bothered all over for me all by yourself. There’s no silly drug that could do all of this to you,” the Alpha said, waving his hand down at all of Shinichi’s symptoms.

Shinichi shuddered, feeling the heat pool deep in his gut and goosebumps cropping up all over his skin even as it seared so hot as Alpha spoke, so enticingly close. Closer still.

“You’re lying.” He could taste the lack of conviction even as Shinichi denied it. He was too hesitant, too ignorant. And Alpha was so confident, because he knew.

“I would never,” said Alpha, looking mock-offended as he pulled back in earnest. “Do you think if it was so easy to turn disobedient little brats into needy, wet holes whenever they liked, the Facility wouldn’t have simply done so right from the start? That they would have bothered to wait for the omegas to present? There would be no need to pick out premium ripening omega stock, if that were the case.” 

He tapped the side of the cup teasingly, slipping out his tongue and making a show of swallowing a mouthful where Shinichi could see it. “The mood regulator only affects cognisance, not physiology. That part’s all mother nature, omega.”

Alpha didn’t sound like he was lying. But he had to be. He had to be . 

Shinichi shook his head in denial, pulling away. “Lies. I don’t want it.”

Alpha’s eyes sharpened with cruel intent, his displeasure making itself known in the sour change in scent that caused Shinichi’s hackles to raise in alarm. He yanked Shinichi’s captured arm forward, causing Shinichi to yelp as he was pulled up close and personal to the Alpha’s immediate space. He could feel the hard length poking into his thigh and Shinichi squirmed, kicking out, desperate to make some space, stop him being too close, too close, not there, not again .

“Too bad. You don’t get to ‘want’ anymore, omega,” the Alpha snarled, digging in tiny white crescent moons pinning Shinichi's arm tight even as he struggled. Shinichi pulled at his arm, trying to snatch it back from the cruel grip cursing at his lack of strength. But Alpha’s hands completely encircled his own. His strength simply overpowered Shinichi’s movements, forcing him to be still.

“I bought you,” Alpha said with a sense of finality. The stink of his breath fanned over Shinichi’s entire face like a blanket of authority. He let go of Shinichi’s arm and reached down to pull apart Shinichi’s buttocks, exposing him as he gasped, trying desperately to stem the flow of slick and juices leaking in reaction to Alpha’s desire.

“This hole? Is my hole. This womb, is my womb. I bought you as my fertile bitch, and I’m going to breed you whether you ‘want to’ or not. Now take your damn water. That’s a command. Drink. ”

He shoved the cup into Shinichi’s face. Shinichi struggled, flailing out as the bowl knocked against his teeth painfully but was unable to stop the water from splashing into his mouth and down his throat. The fear that had fought off the reflex was overwhelmed too quickly before he could resist. He started drinking, his brain unwittingly switching into obedience mode without his permission with practiced ease when the Alpha repeated his Command with that same, powerful tone the announcer and guards used. It was hard conditioned into him with repeated practice to obey basic actions. Now, there was no room for second thoughts. It was a Command, and it was easy to follow Commands. Drink. The water was so nice, so cool, it helped the burning deep inside. Alpha was being good to him, helping him with the heat. Shinichi was just being stupid.

When Alpha took the water away, Shinichi was sorry to see it go. He licked his lips, canting his head after it forlornly. His head was all drifty and happy again. Wanting nothing but to satisfy that bone deep burn that was intensifying within him.

Without the distraction of lucidity, the heat was clouding his brain, making him needy. He squirmed in his seat with his hole exposed to Alpha like that. He wanted, no, he needed something. He knew what it was now, even if he didn’t want to admit it. It had felt so good, deep inside. It felt so empty, even though it was still puffy and sore. His hole remembered the satisfying stretch it had gotten to experience last night, the sensation of being filled so intimately enveloping Alpha. Alpha could see it, see him. He wanted Alpha to do something about it. He clenched his hole as hard as he could, trying to make it look small and tight for Alpha.

“You sure you don’t need a little help there, little omega?” Alpha asked, with a bemused chuckle, noticing Shinichi’s hips trembling with the pressure. The leaking had gotten worse, emitting tiny squishing noises when Shinichi’s weight shifted, clenching and unclenching his hole bubbling up a steady flow of slick that had all but washed away the last dredges of Alpha’s release from last night.

Shinichi flopped against the sheets, unwilling to acknowledge his physical response to an Alpha willing to serve him being so close. “N-no. Don’t … want … it,” he panted unconvincingly, even as his body screamed for the Alpha to hold him. Oh, the leaking was so bad. His thighs were so slippery wet and his hole buttery soft. They wanted … he wanted …

What was wrong with him? Didn’t he have enough from before? It was so awful, so good yesterday. He had gotten what Alpha had given him already. Why wasn’t it enough? Why did he still feel so hot inside, so empty? His head hurt. It was just so confusing, so hot. He didn’t want to think anymore, he just needed the cure.

Just entice the alpha a little more. Lie down, let him do what he wants.  

Shinichi closed his eyes and shoved those thoughts deep down. He hated them. Hated himself for having them. His ass cheeks slicked against each other while he squirmed. He hated feeling empty, he hated feeling full. Why couldn’t he just stop leaking? The fever, the heat, it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t! The cause had to be exterior, it had to be induced by the drugged water, because if the problem came from inside him, from his body, then he was w rong.

Alpha’s arousal was encouraged by Shinichi’s. He could smell it in the air, feel the musky unrepentant desire in the older man’s gaze. Shinichi shifted uncomfortably, crossing and uncrossing his legs. The spot he was laying in had long soaked through with the strange slick fluid coming from his body as it ached to be filled. All he could think about was how nice it had felt yesterday (bad disgusting bad) to be filled so full with Alpha’s cock nestled deep inside where it made a filthy mess. Shinichi started drooling just thinking about it. He clenched his teeth to stifle his heavy breath, sprawling out on the bed. Everything was too hot again, he was shivering unbearably where he lay, clutching at the sheets for any kind of relief as the heat built up.

Finally, when he couldn’t take it anymore, he begged, reaching out a hand where it rested against the Alpha’s chest. His other hand brushed over Alpha’s hard length, half guiding it to slip between Shinichi’s thighs.

“Hhhh … ‘pha, please … help. Want … need … it. So … hot …”

Alpha laughed, pushing Shinichi’s hands away to lean over him indulgently and spreading his legs. Shinichi preened (cringed) at the painful stretched sting his hole made as it obediently fluttered under the movement, knowing Alpha was looking exactly where he wanted him to (don’t look, please stop .)

“Of course you do, needy omega. Don’t you worry about a thing. Alpha will take care of that pretty, empty womb of yours. Now, don’t move after we’re done this time. We need those pretty hips to sit tight if we want the seed to take root.”

Alpha shoved inside, he belonged there, warm, wet, hot. Shinichi’s body shook like a ragdoll with each reluctant coveted thrust and his eyes lolled back as the violation of his flesh became a ritualistic stab. He was glad glad glad glad glad glad glad glad glad glad glad that Alpha took pity on him. Alpha was looking after him. He was filling that slippery slick need inside where no one else could. He could chase the heat away and wasn’t Shinichi glad?

.

.

.

… 

The rest of Shinichi’s first ever heat blurred past in a haze of nauseating sensations and terrifying pleasure. He wanted it, he hated it, he wished he could die from it. He wished the stabbing in his hole would piece his heart and he’d spit out thick globs of life blood. It felt good, it felt sickening. It gave him whiplash how quickly his body and mind came at odds with one another over how much he did or didn’t want Alpha’s cock filling him up all hours of the day. Eventually it got easier with practice, and he bled less when Alpha fucked him. That’s what Alpha called it. Fucking. Another word for the activity known as sex. A coarser, uglier word from that first night finally given meaning. Shinichi learned a lot of vernacular from the Alpha’s degrading comments during his heat. 

Alpha barely had enough time between waves of Shinichi’s heat to leave and bring back food for the both of them, finding Shinichi a moaning, leaking mess in his absence. 

‘The first heat is always the worst,’ he learnt from Alpha. It’s the longest, most intense heat while his body gets accustomed to the new influx of hormones and instincts. Every heat after would be easier, shorter, and less mind-numbing until his little body wore itself tired, shriveled up and used in a set cycle when he was older. At least, that’s what Alpha says. 

Alpha had taken a week of sick days off work to ‘look after one of his sick relatives’ in order to spend the whole first heat with Shinichi. In moments through the brain fog, Shinichi learnt through a combination of deductions and questioning that Alpha was a divorced man, and had a wife and kids who never wanted to speak to him again after he cheated on his wife with an omega coworker at his last job. He learnt Alpha blamed the omega coworker, calling her a slutty temptress, luring him away from his happy life and that he was only human. His bed was cold and bitter and she was warm and willing. He hated his wife, raging that it was unfair that she judged him too harshly for such a simple mistake anybody could have made. She got their beta son, convinced him that his father was bad, turning his son against him and stealing his legacy. He hated his mistress, who left him soon after discovering she had fallen pregnant and left town to get it aborted, robbing him of another child and his second chance. He was sick of being stolen from, so he went to buy an omega who could never steal from him, because they would belong to him proper. 

Shinichi heard second-hand all the things the omega trafficking ring and the Alpha’s peers believed about omegas. They echoed opinions back and forth on underground websites, private forums, disorganised chat groups festering their hatred into a repeated mantra that led down to rabbit holes of action. These groups believed that the human race was genetically inferior and weakening in the modern age, developing all sorts of illnesses and that this was the fault of imperfect omegas. Therefore, the only way to preserve the strength of the existing Alpha lines was to breed ‘perfect’ omegas in order to repair the genetic weaknesses. In the pursuit of perfection, they believed that good omega ‘breeding stock’ were only fresh in the first few years in their reproductive prime before rotting on the inside into something ‘unuseable’ risking defects. It was important to them to ensure the continued strength of their Alpha-Omega family lines by looking to the traditions of the Alpha Kings in the past to preserve the future.

Alpha fancied himself a bit of a disgraced king. Neither he nor his family from what Shinichi had deduced had ever held a title or a crown, nor did he possess the vast amounts of wealth of billionaires that could be described as modern day kings. But, he’d convinced himself that due to his status coming from a long line of ‘strong’ Alpha-Omega exclusive lineages, he was instead something called a ‘chosen king.’ This was the ‘truth’ hidden from Alphas of the modern era. Him and his fellow ‘chosen kings’ online and at the auction house had dedicated their lives to preserving the feudal ways in secret, hidden from a soft, foolhardy society who would call them old-fashioned and delusional. 

There was something undeniably diseased, egotistical and narcissistic to call yourself one of the blueprints of genetic superiority, ‘worthy’ and ‘deserving’ of having your lineage preserved. Whatever the excuse, everything then became merely a tool to serve that higher purpose. It wasn’t just power, or Alpha’s pleasure, Shinichi was a tool. And every tool had its purpose, as he’d later found out.

When Shinichi’s heat finally started to calm down over a week later, he started to panic more. Before, the comforting mind fog caused by the drugged water was exacerbated by the heat, shielding him from the horror of fully acknowledging the situation. These days, Shinichi was more coherent, more present. He both craved and dreaded the extra lucidity because it made him feel more like himself, while at the same time making him that much more aware of what happened when Alpha bedded him. He never had the words for it, never been taught concepts of what it meant when someone could use him like this, but he just knew how it made him feel; and he felt like throwing up.

These days after daily rituals of violation his ass hurt, his hips hurt, his wrists hurt. He’d managed to finally stop leaking as much. His slick glands (another fun new piece of anatomy he had learnt under Alpha’s demonstrations) were starting to slow production without his heat hormones fueling them. Alpha had started needing to play with his hole more, including more foreplay extending their sessions and physically teasing Shinichi until enough slick lubed (another new word) him up for Alpha to fuck his way inside. It was strange having someone manipulate his body that way, stimulating parts of him with their fingers, stroking the glands and pulling out his unwanted secretions like a mechanic servicing an ice machine. LIke it was all part of getting the job done of fulfilling Alpha.

Afterwards, Alpha liked to keep Shinichi’s hips elevated in various tilted positions when he finished. Sometimes, he’d be plugged up with thick silicone plugs simulating Alpha’s knot. Alpha said it was to keep that gross warm ‘cum’ inside of Shinichi, let it trickle deeper into him using gravity long after Alpha’s knot deflated until it got all cold, sticky and uncomfortable and they finally had to wash it out. Alpha was almost religious in his consistency, making sure to fuck Shinichi at least once per day, position him properly before he went out, check back on him when he came back. However, he was nowhere nearly as consistent in reinforcing Shinichi’s Training, despite the Facility’s warnings. Alpha didn’t care for the monotony of reinforcing basic Commands until the conditioning really stuck. He just liked the ‘fun’ Commands and there were only so many hours in a day he could do those. He also seemed to enjoy the inconsistency confusing Shinichi. 

‘Tell me how much you want it/How dare you speak back to me? Stop moving/Show me how you squirm.’ 

As such, the effectiveness of the Commands gradually wore down, and the waves of fear when Shinichi really didn’t like a Command started working better at fending off the hard baked conditioning to fall into autopilot obedience without his permission. So long as he could now resist Commands, it was a small victory when Shinichi sorely needed one.

In the weeks following his heat fading, he still tried to look for ways to escape. The room he was kept in was stripped bare save for the bed and a small built in closet. The bed was bolted down so he couldn’t use it to reach the tiny ventilation window over the door in case he had any ideas of ripping out the tiny curtains or smashing the glass for something sharp. Alpha locked his room with five different kinds of locks. Shinichi had investigated them, sticking his nails and fingers into grooves and checking for loose pins that might fall into place if knocked just the right way. The hinges on the door were also new and freshly screwed in tight, so there was no luck in trying to twist the screws free and loosen the entire door off its frame. Shinichi was also too short to reach the upper hinge at all. Though the room was much larger than the cages in the Facility, Shinichi missed his cage. Usually, the guards would demand for him to come out of his cage, they rarely came inside unless they had to physically drag him out. Paradoxically, the smallness of the cage also meant there was no room for any of the guards to sleep with him in his cage. In Alpha’s home, Alpha kept coming to him, and there was nowhere for him to run to. The four corners of the room felt claustrophobic and cramped when Alpha boxed him in more effectively than any cage, taking up space where there was none before and spending the night when it fancied him. It would barely take ten paces before Alpha could put his hands on Shinichi no matter where he started in the room. It was like graduating from a cage to a pen, but the cage at least had some semblance of privacy with the bars keeping a physical barrier up at arm’s length. He tried to steal the keys once, they were tied on a cord around Alpha’s thick neck. Alpha had fallen asleep, satiated after unloading his essence inside Shinichi after a long days work and he’d managed to wake up before Alpha had left the room. But the five keys would jangle against each other at the slightest movement, making it impossible to lift one without disturbing the others and waking up Alpha. He’d been punished with Alpha knotting his throat and doubling Shinichi’s mood regulator dosage. 

Always with the water. The water from the Facility that stole holes from his memories. Sometimes, he’d manage to remember a whole day of ‘activities’ with Alpha. Other times, he’d end up bent over a couch in a new room in the house and not even remember how he’d gotten there. Maybe it wasn’t so bad if he didn’t have to remember. The memories were never any good anyway. But It was admittedly a little scary, not knowing what happened to him on those days. At least it saved him from adding to his nightmares if he didn’t have to remember. His nightmares were one of the only places he couldn’t hide from the shame and disgust with the security blanket of the brain fog. There, everything played out in horrible, excruciating detail in a flurry of exaggerated memories. Dream Alpha would fuck him and the cock would pierce a hole through his stomach, coming out his abdomen as Shinichi was impaled the cock morphed into a sharp spike, sliding him down the girth slicked with blood bubbling past his lips until he gagged. The dream would shift and then his arms would be tied behind his back while his legs were ripped too wide off his body, hung on meat hooks leaving his hole exposed for Alpha to fit into the cradle of his hips. Sometimes he’d dream of Alpha’s knot was covered in shards of glass shredding his insides raw. At least these dreams faded twice as quick as any memory under the brain fog.

When Shinichi wasn’t dreaming, it was just an endless routine of obeying Alpha, serving Alpha, fucking Alpha. Days with Alpha didn’t change much in the first month, so there was no point in remembering them.

Some points did stick out to Shinichi, however. That’s when the roles changed and he had to pay extra attention or he’d get it wrong. Sometimes, Alpha would make Shinichi play into his ‘chosen king’ roleplay fantasies and make Shinichi serve him rather than just fuck him. Clean the floors. Massage his back. Make him food. A basic salad, no utensils for stupid omegas to hurt themselves or worse, their king. Bathe him. Now, give him an heir.

Another favourite fantasy they’d play out is when Alpha would make Shinichi play the part of his ex-wife. Welcome home. Love you honey, think about our son. He loves you. I should never have sent you away, I’m sorry. I was so stupid. Fuck me. Will you take me back? I miss you. Fuck me. You were always too good for me anyway. Fuck me. 

… Somehow, Shinichi doubted the Alpha’s ex-wife liked having that much sex with him when they were still together. It was almost sad how pathetic the man was, if he didn’t literally hold Shinichi’s life in his hands.

When Alpha entered rut, (another new word Shinichi had learnt on that particular day) he’d choked Shinichi while he was playing the part of his ex-wife. Shinichi was glad the woman had left him, or he’d have surely murdered her, and possibly their kid by now if she hadn’t. It had started out small, resting his hands around Shinichi’s neck while he mindlessly grinded Shinichi down into the mattress, cooing about how sweet his ‘pussy’ was. Then, as the rut progressed, escalated to full out choking until Shinichi passed out, hands clutching at Alpha’s hands, eyes bugging out of their sockets and begging Alpha to stop as he thrust and yelled about how much of a bitch his ex-wife was for leaving him. She deserved to die, die, die. She stole everything from him, typical omega bitch. Her weak genes had ruined his son. It was her fault. His son was supposed to be an alpha too. Alpha would show her, give him back his son, he deserved his son. She was the problem, not him. He was the Alpha of the house, and as the Alpha he had to deal with the problem . Under rut, Alpha had barely recognised him as little more than a hole to fill at his beck and call, just a receptacle for his anger and lust, they’d had to go without food for the three days it lasted which only added to his irritation.

Later in the month, Alpha was angry. Someone had gone poking their nose into the last location of the auction house. They weren’t sure it was the authorities, but in their business, no one was willing to take chances. The message boards were in a frenzy, websites going dark left and right to avoid detection. Everyone involved had to move, lay low, or investigation would be swift. Alpha cursed at the inconvenience, saddened that his ‘friends’ could no longer talk to him on his frequented chat forums. Meanwhile, Shinichi was packed up tight into a crate, wrists tied, mouth duct taped shut and the black hood thrown over his head as he was moved in secret with Alpha’s other possessions to another part of the country. Alpha gave him scent blockers to hide his presence should they be stopped and searched. They were unnaturally neutral and made his nose itch. They drove north, the change in temperature and rockier roads indicating the town they moved to being rather rural. The new room he was housed in was even smaller than the last, making it harder to dodge when Alpha wanted to grab him close. At least it had its own bathroom and better air flow so Shinichi didn’t quite feel so much like he was being slowly buried alive.

When his second heat came around the next month, Alpha was already ready. He’d timed Shinichi’s cycle, expecting it, hands crawling across his back when Shinichi started getting restless at night, unable to sleep and scratching at some invisible itch between his thighs. He’d tried to barricade himself in his bathroom, hiding himself away when he’d woken up with his thighs soaking wet, sporting that now familiar fever, crying that his first heat hadn’t been some freak accident, and that he had to do it all again. He despaired at the unfairness of it all. Alpha broke down his bathroom door and pulled him out to the main bedroom, shoving Shinichi down on all fours as he fucked his fill. Alpha’s arm was a solid iron bar wound tight around Shinichi’s front holding him close as he ploughed his way into Shinichi’s body, pounding his hole wide open to receive Alpha’s cock in a new position, hopefully more ‘successful’ than the last. His second heat was a repeat act of a mind-addled blur. It was almost worse now that he knew what to expect, that he knew he couldn’t stop it and his body wouldn’t stop leaking for at least a week. Alpha took the opportunity to introduce Shinichi to other parts of their new house by christening all the surfaces with Shinichi’s heat slick fucking him stupid. 

He’d stopped crying lately. Crying didn’t do much while he was at the Facility, but it did even less for him now. Alpha liked seeing him cry during his second heat. He sought it out, he’d reach out with his fingers like Alpha would like nothing more than to poke his eyes out. Shinichi learnt that crying never granted him any mercy, and only invigorated Alpha to hurt him more. So he stopped. Now, Shinichi only cried as a reflex when the physical pain caused his eyes to water. However, this change didn’t stop Alpha’s arousal. He just took Shinichi’s developing stoicism as a challenge, looking to pull those beautiful tears out of his pretty face bit by bit, like he was prying open the petals of a premature rose bloom when he knotted him.

His second heat ended a whole three days earlier than Alpha had expected. ‘How strange,’ Alpha commented. ‘Usually the second one lasts just as long as the first, at most only a day shorter.’ 

Shinichi’s body couldn’t have already been getting used to his heat hormones, they were still too new. An interesting thoughtful look passed over Alpha’s face, but he quickly dismissed the notion he was entertaining, it was too optimistic.

Meanwhile, Shinichi noticed something inside him was terribly wrong. He had woken up the day of his second heat ending feeling nauseous. Normally, that wouldn’t have been that unusual by itself, he often felt nauseous when Alpha accidently gave him too much of the drugged water. But this time, the unsettling feeling in his stomach felt different. Deeper . He’d also felt incredibly tight all over his skin, like he could scratch it off in sloughs and burst open at the seams. His heart beat slightly more erratically at rest and refused to calm down. His chest was also feeling rather uncomfortable and tender. Sensitive, more so than when he was in heat. He hugged a pillow to his front the entire day, soothing the area, contemplating what was wrong with him.

The next day. Alpha continued to give him funny looks, massaging the back of Shinichi’s thighs when he positioned Shinichi’s pelvis in that familiar tilt once more after a fresh knot. He stroked over Shinichi’s stomach, feeling the firmness of the abdomen like he was searching for a sign.

Whatever it was, the strange nausea never went away. In fact, it got worse. Shinichi threw up the day after, unable to hold down a bite of food as his stomach rebelled and lurched at any intake, solid or liquid. It felt tight and bloated as Shinichi nursed the area gently, trying to swallow the acrid acid in his throat back down. His insides felt all squirmy, like there was a subtle shift and flurry of changes all brewing unseen inside. The last time his body changed without his permission, he started getting heats. Whatever was happening now, Shinichi hoped it wasn’t any worse than that. He developed a slight chill, never feeling quite warm enough as he rearranged his bedding critically. All the while, Alpha was still sending him funny looks. It made Shinichi shiver. But at least the stench of vomit was too strong for Alpha to consider fucking him today, and gave him a day of reprieve. Eating became sporadic for him, more so than usual when his stomach could only keep the weakest of soups down.

The next week, the bloat in his stomach refused to go away. Normally, it died down by the time night rolled around. But today, the swell refused to die down. It rounded out his belly a little, a barely noticeable pudge unless you were paying close attention. But since Shinichi had spent days doing nothing but staring in horror at the place Alpha’s cock imprinted on his stomach when he was fucking him, he’d had plenty of exposure to be familiar with that part of his anatomy. It felt heavy when he moved. Like he’d gained a little weight, even though he hadn’t been eating well. The chills had also developed further into a light fever. Not a heat-induced fever, as he was still a few more weeks out from his third cycle, but an ever present weakness that caused him to feel faint in his bones. It felt like there was a sickly fizz under his skin, tiny gas bubbles fueling the bloat as it slightly disfigured him. He hoped it would go away soon, Shinichi was sick of feeling sick. It was already bad enough with Alpha fucking him sore every day without him being sick on top of it.

Alpha really noticed the bloat in his belly the next week, tracing the pronounced curve of his stomach reverently in deliberate motions as he took Shinichi to bed for a reluctant celebratory coupling. 

“Look, omega.” He said, nosing into Shinichi’s belly, whispering praises into his skin as Shinichi was crowded against the headboard. 

“You’ve caught for me,” Alpha said, his voice awed. 

Shinichi didn’t know what that meant , shaking his head and whining in confusion and refusal. Something was so, very wrong. His stomach was looking and feeling wrong in strange and foreign ways completely alien to him. It was different, it was even different to heat and it was still continuing to change. 

Alpha’s hands worked the squishy rounded skin gently, pawing Shinichi’s front like Alpha couldn’t get enough. It aggravated the existing nausea there and made Shinichi want to throw up. But he couldn’t, because he’d already emptied out his stomach that morning when he’d tried to have breakfast. The churning bowel movements had nothing to reject as acid burned in his mouth.

“So glad I bought you,” Alpha reverently whispered, resting his scratchy half-shaven face against Shinichi’s belly, breathing in deeply like he was trying to catch a new scent. 

He didn’t know what Alpha was searching for, all Shinichi could smell right now was acid. 

“Knew you’d be perfect the moment I knotted you,” Alpha crooned, trailing over Shinichi’s front. “Congratulations. You look about seven weeks in. You must have caught that very first day of your very first heat. You must have wanted it bad .”

Alpha drew out that last syllable teasingly, while Shinichi shook his head furiously, denying Alpha’s assertions. They weren’t true. He didn’t want Alpha. Not really. He still didn’t. It was the heat, the damn heat made him want it. It wasn’t him. Yet his body had apparently accepted Alpha, as the nausea relaxed slightly under Alpha’s hand.

“What’s wrong with me?” Shinichi asked instead, his voice barely a whisper. Things kept changing about him, and he didn’t know anything about it. 

Shinichi’s idol, Sherlock Holmes prided himself on only keeping necessary information inside his head to better optimize his brain for solving mysteries. John Watson had considered the detective eccentric, not knowing the first thing about local politics or astronomy since such subjects had no bearing on Holmes’ ability to solve a case. Shinichi had approached many subjects at school similarly, organising subjects into useful or unuseful categories and discarding anything that didn’t seem terribly important or exciting. He wondered if he was being Holmes in this situation, treated as naive or stupid because he didn’t know the first thing about a subject many people might’ve considered common knowledge. He wondered at what point in school he had missed the subject. Perhaps his teacher had tried to warn him earlier, only for Shinichi to forget all about it because he didn’t think it was important enough to remember. Maybe it was his own arrogance that led him to being so uninformed, reliant on Alpha for information about his own body. 

A weak hand rested against the Alpha’s face, trying to push him away. Shinichi didn’t want Alpha there, scenting his strange belly. He didn’t want Alpha to comfort him, it felt miserable. Alpha ignored him and nuzzled in, licking a wet stripe up his naked belly. 

“Oh omega, don’t you know?” Alpha cooed, a gleeful, self-satisfied teasing in his voice. His voice was riddled with excitement, ecstatic at being the one to break the news to Shinichi.

“It’s a pup. A baby is deep inside you. All our hard work is finally paying off.”

Everything came to a screeching halt as the world seemed to drop out from under him. Shinichi froze uncomprehendingly, Alpha’s prickly touch on his skin long forgotten even as he laid another disgusting kiss on Shinichi’s belly.

Shinichi remembered asking something once, back when he was much younger. A natural thing for kids to ask their parents as they started to question the world around them.

“Dad, where do babies come from?”

His father’s face fell into a horrified look as his mother burst into laughter at his father’s face, wiping the corners of her eyes slightly.

“What … what made you ask that, Shin-chan?” Yukiko asked, gasping and clutching at her bosom as she finally caught her breath. 

Shinichi had sniffed lightly at his mother’s reaction, laughing at him. His little lips pulled into a childish pout.

“Cuz. I was just curious. Babies have to come from somewhere. And sensei said it’s a stork, but I don’t believe her. You’re really smart, dad. Can’t you tell me?”

Yusaku looked around wide-eyed like a deer caught in the headlights, looking to his wife awkwardly for support as he stuttered. “Ah, well Shinichi, you see. I-It’s actually a pretty grown up question-”

“Oh, go on Yu-chan!” Yukiko giggled, kicking her feet in delight. “You can tell him!”

“I’m no good at this Yukiko! You tell him then, if you think it’s so easy!”

“No, no, go on,” his mother had teased, lounging back on the couch and pouring out a glass of chardonnay, making herself comfortable. “I want to see how the great Yusaku Kudou handles telling his four-year-old son about the birds and the bees. This oughta be good.”

She took a lengthy sip of the drink, closely observing his reaction like it was the best movie she’d seen all year.

His dad looked incredibly uncomfortable, like he was about to throw a fit. His face was red and steam practically came out of his ears before he sighed, putting on a strained smile that looked slightly manic to Shinichi.

“Listen Shinichi. When two people love each other very, very, much, they can make a baby by …” His father’s voice faltered at the end, losing his nerve.

Shinichi cocked a childish brow, unimpressed by his father’s dawdling. “By … ?”

Yusaku looked like he was about to pop a vein, his red face growing purple and a stress line between his brows growing so deep it could have stayed that way before sputtering out in one breath. “When two people love each other very much, they can make a baby … inside!”

“... Inside?” Shinichi repeated, scrunching up his nose at the deliberately vague non explanation.

Yusaku nodded emphatically while his wife burst into laughter on the couch.

“Inside where?”

“Yukikooo!” His father whined, finally breaking. “I just can’t do it. You tell him!”

But his mother couldn’t regain her breath long enough to say anything, doubling over and dissolving into a fresh fit of laughter whenever she managed to calm down enough before catching another look of Yusaku’s red embarrassed face. She tried clearing her throat to regain her composure, but still couldn’t help giggling.

Used to his mother’s antics, Shinichi rolled his eyes and held up a hand, ignoring both his embarrassing parents. “Nevermind. Don’t worry about it. I’ll ask again later.”

But later never came. And it didn’t seem that important. So, Shinichi left it at that. Babies came from two people loving each other very much and they’d make a baby ‘inside.’ He’d never heard a better explanation otherwise, since his teacher was a liar and insisted a big nursery stork came to all the parents in the neighbourhood to deliver babies to expecting mothers, so that’s what Shinichi understood. It's not like any of his school friends told him any different either, since Ran said her father refused to tell her where babies came from until she was married.

Alpha kissed him on the lips, the wet folds of flesh whispering praises as he pulled Shinichi’s legs apart, easing his way between his thighs.

But none of what his father said seemed to apply here. His dad would never lie to him, even if he didn’t give the full explanation. Babies were made when ‘two people loved each other very much.’ But … that couldn’t be right. 

Alpha pushed Shinichi down, so that he lay under him while Alpha heaved with all his might into that slippery slick place between his legs. His body bled, still sore from the night before, but Alpha didn’t care. Shinichi wasn’t even in heat anymore. But when Alpha played with his hole, he’d slick up anyways. What did that say about Shinichi, if his body responded like that to Alpha?

A baby?

Alpha had to be wrong. What was wrong with him couldn’t possibly be a baby. Because his dad would never lie, and babies came from two people who loved each other very much. That’s what his father said. 

Inside? Inside where, dad?

Inside … me? 

… my belly?

What was happening to him wasn’t love. Alpha didn’t love him. Alpha was using him. He was using him right now as he groaned, shoving his way inside (insideinsideinside) Shinichi to sate his own arousal. To make that weird goo called ‘cum’ that he insisted sit deep inside (insideINSIDEINSIDE) Shinichi’s hole for hours on end until it ‘took’. 

What Shinichi was feeling wasn’t love. He knew it wasn’t. Because love shouldn’t feel so much like being suffocated. And he was being suffocated. The life being choked out of him slowly, day by day, smothered out under Alpha’s hand.

“Do you feel it yet? Deep inside you?”

INSIDEINSIDEINSIDE

Alpha was lying. It wasn’t true, it couldn’t be.

Shinichi had taught himself not to cry, but for a moment, water still fell from his face.

Chapter Text

He was sick. Very, very, sick. He was getting weak, and it wasn’t just him feeling that way from the chills either, it was physical. When Alpha held him down now, his wrists would bruise more easily and darker than before after barely touching him. Once, when Alpha wasn’t careful, he’d even fractured Shinichi’s wrists. His bones felt like they were made of chalk, crumbling at Alpha’s slightest mistreatment. Since confirming Shinichi’s stomach bloat wasn’t going anywhere, the Alpha stopped taking him to bed daily. Now, it was more like only once or twice a week when he felt like indulging in his fantasies, three if Alpha was feeling frisky, but it gave Shinichi breaks he never thought he’d get since coming here. He was constantly cold, shivering all over as if under some sort of fever, like he wasn’t getting enough food to warm himself. His body grew aches and pains with no clear reason. His back hurt, his feet hurt, his chest hurt. He was still throwing up at least once a day, but Alpha didn’t seem to mind anymore. He was happy Shinichi was throwing up, showing the ‘signs of taking’. He’d clean Shinichi up with a damp cloth, using Shinichi’s body when he was late for his third heat. It didn’t matter, he’d fuck Shinichi regardless of heat status, scenting his slightly rounded front afterwards like he could detect a subtle change in scent there if he tried hard enough. Shinichi felt more tired than usual afterwards, a bone deep weariness that had nothing to do with his waning physical fitness since being imprisoned. He still had to drink more of that funny water every day, and he’d never get better if he was hungry and dehydrated as the days marched on. Despite the increased care for his physical health, his sickness continued, and his energy declined.

“It’s because you’re not alone,” a poisonous voice that sounded like Alpha’s told him in the back of his head.

He ignored that voice, because Alpha was WRONG. He had to be. The rounded bloat to his stomach was becoming more pronounced, more substantial in the following week. It was still somewhat difficult to tell, but there was a definite increase to the curve to his belly where there hadn’t been before. It didn’t mean anything. His body was just reacting strangely to the increased intake of mood regulator. Weight gain wasn’t listed in the side effects written on the bottle, but Shinichi didn’t care. It was the only explanation he was willing to accept to keep his sanity.

Alpha still sung praises to him in bed at night while pawing at his front even if he didn’t fuck Shinichi. Like Shinichi had done something miraculous. Said he was better and sweeter than Alpha’s ex-wife ever could have been. Alpha called him his little perfect broodmare, putting a neat little bun in the oven just for him. He praised him for being a good purchase. A perfectly bred bitch. Little fat, pregnant piggy. Shinichi felt so horribly exposed like a beloved lab experiment under close observation as each day he was checked for extra ‘signs.’ Alpha called him the perfect pup incubator. Shinichi wished he had enough food in him to throw up when that happened.

His chest started to swell a little a couple weeks later. Tenderness that couldn’t be rubbed away and a slight peak to the tissue that hadn’t been there before. He was very late for his third heat. The twelfth week had long since passed since he’d been in Alpha’s care (heat one beginning that first week, heat two hitting on his sixth week) and he still wasn’t feeling any of the restless itchiness that precluded his full blown heat fevers. But Alpha didn’t mind. In fact Alpha couldn’t be happier Shinichi wasn’t entering heat anymore. Shinichi felt like he would’ve appreciated it more if he wasn’t feeling so sickly instead. When he got in the mood, Alpha liked to tease Shinichi to wetness and celebrate. Because he had succeeded. He had bred something unknowable into Shinichi’s guts that was forcibly changing him physically from the inside out. He liked to fuck Shinichi knowing he was responsible for all the changes, that he was responsible for Shinichi’s heat stopping. He loved how Shinichi flinched at having his chest played with now, scrabbling to get the Alpha to stop because it felt so strange when the little nubs became sore and red with sensitivity. He loved the growing pouch on Shinichi’s front, imagining it was his own fat load delivered each time he came, filling up to the womb visibly that he could run his hands over the visibly distorted flesh. He could celebrate, because his own personally kept omega was bred and all he had to do now was look after the omega and wait. 

Alpha liked to be enthusiastic with his ‘celebrating,’ and it took its toll on Shinichi’s skin. He took too long to heal, the weakness permeating his blood struggling to repair the damage once it was inflicted. The growing number of bruises on his skin grew into a dark mottled canvas, chronicling the intimate abuse like an abstract calendar. That purple one was from the time Alpha fucked him against the shower wall, the waist high shower shelf digging into the seam between his hip and thighs. That green one on his hip was from the time Alpha held him over the dresser, unscrewing the knob from the drawers and using it to tease Shinichi’s holes. The one on his neck was from Alpha’s last rut. Alpha bit him that one time on the shoulder, teeth breaking skin and sucking an ugly purpled trail of rosettes. Every mark was more pronounced than it should be, pathing Alpha’s advances on his sickly frame.

This week in particular, he had quickly grown noticeably round in the middle, like he was an over-fed piglet. Not just fat, as loose fats hung off the body in soft rolls. But a firm roundness that kept its pronounced shape high and noticeable at all times. All the while, his body was rapidly changing in all sorts of strange and alien ways inside as the bulge in his stomach was practically doubling in size every few weeks. Alpha said it was because Shinichi was still small, so every change looked much bigger on him than it would on one of the old, used up omegas, who would only start showing this visibly much later. Shinichi’s chest started emitting a fresh milk scent that Alpha had been looking for, that made Shinichi want to crawl up into a hole and hide from himself. 

It wasn’t true, he would tell himself, hugging his knees to his chest to rest his belly against the pillow cushioned there. There wasn’t a baby growing inside him. It wasn’t a pup. He wasn’t a bitch, and he wasn’t pregnant. His chest wasn’t swelling with milk, his cock wasn’t maturing, his belly wasn’t protruding from his front like a cancerous, alien growth, swelling with blood and newly formed viscera. It wasn’t happening to him. His body wasn’t morphing out of control like some sort of monstrous husk he was forced to reside in. He didn’t give his body permission to change. Though, these days, his permission didn’t mean much. He didn’t feel the faint flutter of … something alive … stirring, hidden in his belly. The tight fizz of invisible hormones hadn’t sunk into his flesh, saturating the muscle into growing new interlocking layers stretching over his belly protecting the cavity within. He couldn’t recognise this body as his own. It didn’t look like him. It didn’t smell like him. It didn’t walk, talk or feel like his own skin. It had simply changed too much, too quickly. So, it didn’t belong to him. This was all happening to someone else, someone other than Shinichi. Yes, it was happening to someone else far, far away who wasn’t him. That pain was someone else’s pain. That fear was someone else’s fear. It wasn’t happening to him. Shinichi shut down in order to shut everything else out. 

After that, he started losing more memory than usual. His brain was refusing to register the sensations of his body as part of himself; instead blocking it all out, filing it away in a little tape for the TV screen in his mind called ‘someone else.’ He got to watch from far away as that person swelled and became fat and heavy until they couldn’t walk the way they used to. Their walking gait changed as their entire centre of gravity shifted, accommodating for the increasing weight in front. He winced as he sympathized with the pain and heavy weight of their stomach crushing ‘someone else’s’ organs whenever they sat down, or had to get up and move. He sniffled when ‘someone else’ lay down on their front, letting their heavy belly sag beneath them to brush against the cold floors and unable to stop it as Alpha fucked them hard from behind on all fours shouting to the stars what a good bitch they’d been. It was okay, because none of that was happening to him. Not really. It was ‘someone else’. Their chest was sore and fat now, developing into the fleshy soft lumps associated with expecting male omegas. He was disgusted by ‘someone else.’ Their body was swollen in shapes and places that looked and felt unnatural to him. They waddled around the place, heavy and sluggish, like the basic tasks and movement became a feat to overcome. 

Once, they brushed their hand over the full swell of their stomach in morbid curiosity before recoiling in horror, unable to escape the prison that was their own body. They were denied sleep as in the dead of the night, when all around was quiet and still, the fluttery sensations would start up. The presence in their body was heedless of the late hour, bound only to its own internal clock and wreaking havoc on ‘someone else’s’ insides when they were supposed to be sleeping. It didn’t matter that ‘someone else’ wanted desperately to sleep, having had a long and weary day pleasing Alpha, the thing inside ‘someone else’ had other ideas, aggravating existing nausea and fluttering restlessly to entertain itself. 

Still, every time ‘someone else’ thought that surely, this was as large as they were going to get, surely the mutilation of their physical body had to end, the swelling continued to grow. It was like the growth had completely taken over ‘someone else’s’ body, forcing the existing infrastructure to bend, grow, and even break to accommodate it. ‘Someone else’ had to take shallower breaths as their ribs ached, the cage of bones and soft cartilage lifted up and pushed aside to make more room. The round, engorged swell squishing up against their lungs gained weight faster than any other part of them, causing their spine to sit forward at an uncomfortable arch to support it that caused their back to hurt. Nothing in their body was unaffected by the changes, as even humiliating details like toileting and arousal were affected. The organs processing ‘someone else’s’ nourishment and slick were squished under the pressure, resulting in a constant discomfort of fullness and the need for relief. He would wander around the bedroom despondently as if in a daydream, pretending ‘someone else’ didn’t exist, even though Shinichi had to watch them all day through that tiny, depressive TV screen.

The only place Shinichi couldn’t escape were his dreams. When he managed to drift off, ‘someone else’ was him. Like all of Alpha’s sick fantasies, Shinichi was made to play the part. In the dream, reality merged with fear as he laid on the bed, unable to see over the swell of his own stomach as it inflated into an impossible size, twice as large as he was. The uncomfortable fluttering harshened to the distinctive sensation of worms squiggling in his stomach, pushing up against the skin in disgusting writhing veins in a bid to escape. In his dreams, he could hear crying coming from his stomach. A bald, ugly thing sinking its sharp teeth into his organs from the inside as it chewed its way out of him, bursting out in a pustule of blood and gore. In his dreams, Alpha would still pet his head as he screamed. Telling him what a good little incubator he’d been, thrusting his hand into the cavity left behind and shove another glob of that disgusting cum deep inside him to start the process all over again. Shinichi could see the roots this time. The cum hardened into tiny little seeds that sprouted thorny tendrils enveloping his insides as they stabbed into his veins and organs to sap his energy for itself. He could see his stolen blood flowing through the roots, feeding the growing mass of flesh pulsing inside like a second heart lodged in his abdomen. He was already so weak, so thin after incubating the first monster, the roots selfishly drained him away to nothing.

He picked at the taut skin, pinching raised lumps into his dreamt belly like stitches of a woven doll. He wondered if he split the stitches open, if the creature inside would come tumbling out like stuffing in an unformed gelatinous mess, incomplete like biological soup. He’d see it. Empty blinking blue marble eyes rolling in a vat of purple anoxic blood without Shinichi’s veins to feed it. The nervous system was bundled like spun yarn, tangled up in a rattle of pups bones, he could even count the fingers.

The worst dreams would be when the thing inside came out normal. Pale, perfect, squalling for breath and reaching up with its tiny arms for a modicum of parental comfort. 

Normal. 

Then, he couldn’t hate it. Then, he couldn’t be disgusted by himself. He felt incredibly guilty when he woke up from those dreams, wishing it was a monster so he could justify smothering it.

But then, he’d remember. It was all happening to ‘someone else,’ and he could start forgetting things again.

It was a parasite, Shinichi decided one morning, after Alpha caught him trying to crush the bump between his fingers, though he was too weak to really do any damage. He had been hoping to locate the growth through the meat of his belly like a hard ball of blood and fat he could break apart between his fingers and pass it through his system. He felt a visceral sense of revulsion when he felt the slip of his fingers over that taut swell. He looked at the thing with a sort of emptiness, face impassive like he was squishing a bug. The parasite was stealing his blood, leeching off all the nutrients he struggled to keep down for itself. A vile, selfish thing that was reducing him down into a tired, withered husk while it gorged itself on the minerals in his dissolving bones. As he pushed down, something responded. Instead of a hard, rubbery lump, he could feel the fragile flutter of a heartbeat falter under his fingers, and he threw his hands back in horror. The thing in his belly was alive . Not only was it alive, it had a heart. It was alive and inside of him and he desperately wanted it to stop. But if he made it stop, he’d have to kill it. Shinichi hadn’t killed anything before. The thought of the little heart bursting between his fingers like a water balloon made Shinichi gag in his mouth, losing his nerve. But why, why, why did it have to use him to live? He had already lost all autonomy with his body used against his will for Alpha’s pleasure and his mind fogged up with drugs, he didn’t want to lose control of his own biological shell as it morphed into something grotesque, transformed to serve something else growing inside him. It didn’t have the right to do that to him. It didn’t have permission . It didn’t belong there.

Alpha prised his hands apart, made Shinichi stop and promise to never try to hurt himself or the pup again or he’d cut off his fingers. He Forbade it. The Command didn’t work of course, but Shinichi couldn’t have killed the thing inside even if he wanted to. It was alive and Shinichi couldn’t force himself to still the beat of a tiny heart with his own two hands. Shinichi thought about how his father might look at him if he could smell the spilt blood on Shinichi’s hands. How disgusted he might be. Alpha’s grip tightened on his shoulders until Shinichi nodded, pretending to go back to the automatic empty headspace like the Command still worked so that Alpha would believe him. Alpha cooed, reassuring Shinichi it was okay to be scared, but he couldn’t hurt an innocent pup. The pup was going to be the greatest ‘gift’ he’d give Alpha. 

With his hands now pulled away, Shinichi felt Alpha kissing him again, telling him he was ‘loved’ and he would come to love the pup in turn. His pup. Their pup. Vile . If Shinichi didn’t even want a pup, how was he ever supposed to love it? The pup was Alpha’s, not his. Alpha put it in Shinichi, Alpha can love it himself. His own body wasn’t there to serve him anymore, everything was pulled apart for Alpha and the parasite and Shinichi was just left behind as a ghost of his former self. He could never love anything that’s very existence was stealing his autonomy from him.

He was scared to touch it himself. After that first experimental brush of his hand over the skin, he had refused to acknowledge it, because acknowledging it would mean it was real. He was painfully hyper aware of the extra weight with every step as it tugged on his ligaments, like tiny strings stitching this growing mass to his front that needed reinforcement or it would fall off one day. How could he not be? It moved with him with every step, every shift. He couldn’t run away from it. He tried jumping on the spot once, experimenting with the heavy displacement of flesh as the swell bounced. He didn’t want to touch it when his sides started aching from the strain, so he stopped jumping. 

Alpha seemed obsessed with his round belly. He’d spend hours petting it, gently rocking into Shinichi instead of the animalistic fucking he’d done before. He was mindful he didn’t hurt Shinichi too much, saying he didn’t want to stress out the pup. Not that it did any good, since no matter which way he went about it, Alpha was physically too big to fuck Shinichi without it hurting. He wished Alpha would stop promising he was going to be soft and gentle. ‘Gentle’ didn’t stop him from hurting Shinichi. ‘Gentle’ was just a lie he told to pretend he was being kind to Shinichi when he’d still knot him. He still knotted him because Alpha had a right, he owned Shinichi after all. Pupped or not, Alpha had ruts and he needed a nice, fresh hole to fuck. Or, sometimes he just needed an outlet. Sometimes Alpha wondered if he could put in a second ‘bun’ while the first was still baking. Would Shinichi be a good omega bitch and start a second one just for him? He was just so young, perfect and fertile after all, surely it wouldn’t be too hard.

At a fresh splash of cum, Shinichi shuddered in revulsion. Could Alpha even do that? Could he put in a new, fluttery thing inside Shinichi before the first had even finished? Shinichi whimpered aloud as the thick knot stuck, helpless as he felt his insides all plugged up. Little flickers of his recent nightmares of swelling lapped at the edges of Shinichi’s vision, trying not to think too hard about how big he’d get with two of these things growing inside him at once. When he finally deflated enough to pull out, Alpha rested a large hand over the apex of the swell of Shinichi’s stomach, all the while whispering ‘mine.’ Shinichi didn’t know if Alpha was referring to him or the pup.

Another week passed, and Shinichi dreamed of home. He dreamed about curling up next to his mother while she sang songs or practiced her lines with him. He dreamed about going on long, winding drives with her as she told him stories about when he was littler. He dreamed about peeking at his dad’s manuscripts before his editors got to them, and sneaking onto crime scenes when Yusaku was called in for a consultation. He dreamed about going to school with Ran, buying detective novels, getting trouble with sensei, playing soccer and practicing the violin. It all seemed very far away now. A different lifetime. He wondered if his parents would still love him, now that he was fat and bruised, malformed from the small, athletic child he had been before and carrying some alpha’s pup. He wondered if they were still looking for him. It’s been months now. Most missing persons cases ended up cold after the first 72 hours. He wondered if they thought he was dead. He liked to imagine his funeral between the holes in his memories. He’d organise it with his parents. They’d plan for flower arrangements, line the coffin with his things so they wouldn’t make Yukiko and Yusaku sad if they were left in the house. The body in the casket would be his old one; small and recognizable as himself. This body wasn’t allowed at the funeral, it would offend the other guests. It would offend his parents.

Some days later, Alpha changed their location again, moving them to an abandoned and derelict holiday home. Shinichi didn’t know why they moved this time. Maybe Alpha didn’t feel safe. Maybe he thought people were being too nosy, sticking their noses into business that didn’t concern them about why they could smell pregnant omega coming from Alpha’s house all the way from the yard, but no one but Alpha ever left the front door. Alpha told them off, that he was a private man and he lived alone, thank you very much. Shinichi hoped the neighbours would report the strange behaviour, it might lead them closer to Alpha finally being caught. 

Having learnt his lesson about Shinichi’s expecting scent attracting neighbours, Alpha sprayed the whole new building down with neutralising scent blockers, setting up air freshener stations at regular intervals. The new town was even more rural than the last, with yards large enough to keep any lingering scent of bred omega far from prying noses. Once he was sure no one was around to witness him, Alpha took the opportunity to bring Shinichi to a clinic in the dead of the night for a private check up. He had spent so much time and effort breeding his omega, he wasn’t about to lose the pup in the final stretch. 

The doctor there had worked with clients of the omega trafficking ring before. They paid handsomely for his services and appreciated that he didn't ask questions. As the only doctor in this rural town for miles and miles, the locals knew better than to run him out for questionable clientele. The doctor himself wasn’t an omega or pregnancy specialist, just picking up some illicit appointments for extra cash to his main practice. The equipment was old and recovered from hospitals abandoned in towns with too low populations to justify the service. All the people had long since moved to the cities, leaving the hospitals to rot unstaffed as elderly folks were sent to old folks homes and retirement villages. There were no rooms at the clinic, only a thin privacy curtain separating the surgery room from the consulting room. Careful to not tempt fate, the doctor fastened Shinichi’s sluggish body into leather restraints against the examination table and did an initial health check up.

You should have come to me sooner, how far along is it? It’s underweight. Definitely a low fever and elevated heart rate, you should start giving it antibiotics. Has it bled recently? 

Five months since I first bedded it. And no blood. It’s gotten so good at taking my cock, and its slick takes care of the rest.

You’ll have to lay off the mood regulators in the third trimester. The interference with the pregnancy hormones is causing the elevated heart rate. It’s not a problem now, but you’ll start to risk losing the pup to the blood thinning side effects once it enters the more advanced stages of development. The parent is awfully small, are you sure it’s only twenty weeks in? We might have to consider a cesarean delivery or the pup’s skull will risk getting stuck in it’s hips. We can do an x-ray closer to its due date to be sure. Have you given it prenatal vitamins? 

They spoke about him like Shinichi was every bit the incognisant incubator they claimed he was. A thoughtless life size doll set to ‘bake’ while they waited for the ‘bun’ to finish. The doctor held up a chart to Alpha, showing him a map of development stages and things to expect in the coming months. He didn’t convey that information to Shinichi. What would an omega do with the information if it couldn’t do anything to act on it?

It’s far enough along now, do you want to check the sex?

No, I’d like to keep it a surprise. It’s going to be my first with him, and you only get to have your first once.

As Shinichi lay on the table, feeling his rotund belly spilling over his front and resting on the cold, sterile metal, he felt that flutter again, a gentle sensation stirring his stomach. It was more distinct now, like a solid kick. He flinched at the sensation, wishing he could reach the shining scalpel on the doctor’s table and cut it all away. 

Can I keep knotting it doc? Do I have to stop when we get closer to its due date?

Of course not. There’s no risk to the pup from copulation, so knot away my friend. Some people even try to fuck their omegas to induce labour in the final days. I’ve delivered a few healthy pups for my clients from omegas who were being used right up to the day of delivery fucked through the early contractions. I’m told it makes them feel full like nothing else. 

The rest of the appointment blurred past in a haze as a part of Shinichi was still desperately in denial that this was really happening to him. That it wasn’t still ‘someone else’ going through all the torment. That was quickly dashed away however, when the doctor conducted an ultrasound.

He spread a cold, thick, gel substance over the curve of Shinichi’s protruding belly that made him flinch. It stuck to his skin in a cold, uncomfortable sheet like tar. His belly looked comically large on him already; a slight-framed child with a belly that looked like it made up a fifth of his body weight, and it was only going to get bigger. The doctor took a portable screen and wand and waved it over Shinichi’s belly, a grainy image forming on the small screen.

Alpha made an awed sound and eagerly showed it to Shinichi. Shinichi wasn’t sure what he was looking at first, the grainy image was indistinct and hard to make out. But then, he saw the shadow of movement, and he could hardly believe it. It was true. A tiny thing implanted in his belly, forming tiny fingers, a tiny face and beating its tiny heart. It looked so small, so fragile in the picture. Barely bigger than a softball. As he watched, he saw it move, the fluttery movement in his stomach corresponding to the image as the pup turned over, proving it wasn’t somehow just a video or a fake simulation designed to trick him, but really a living, breathing being incubated inside.

It was really inside of him. 

It moved.

He could feel it moving.

His heart seized up in his throat as Shinichi wanted to scream. He wanted to smash the screen. Grab it in his hands and break it over Alpha’s smug nose and bash him over the head with it until he laid unconscious at Shinichi’s feet. The alien creature was really inside of him, growing! It was going to keep growing. It didn’t belong there, he didn’t want it there. He was so scared, so scared. He could no longer deny it was him. The faint vestiges of comfort afforded by stubborn denial that it was ‘someone else’ was dashed as he was confronted with the harsh reality that it was in him . This was all happening to him! He could see it with his own eyes. The flutter in his stomach wasn’t just a figment of his imagination borne of paranoia and fear. He was growing a whole new person inside of him. Only a few months ago, Shinichi wasn’t even aware he was an omega. He didn’t know anything about sex, fucking, breeding, stolen from school and his parents before he had a chance to learn about it in a safe setting. And upon learning these new things, he’d been successfully bred. Alpha had bred him. That’s what the pup in his stomach meant. He was bred and now he was growing a pup in his stomach. He didn’t want to do that. He was a pup himself not that many years ago. Stop. Someone, please, stop it!  

Heedless to Shinichi’s despair, Alpha thanked the doctor and took Shinichi back to their new home. There, he took him to bed to celebrate the good news like he would a lover. Alpha pretended they were an ordinary couple, celebrating their successful attempts at copulating and finally seeing proof of their efforts bearing fruit. 

“We did it,” Alpha would say, like Shinichi had any active role in Alpha’s success. “We really made a healthy, beautiful pup.”

He held Shinichi by his aching sides and thrust his fill into that damned wetness that Shinichi didn’t want him. He couldn’t stop the soft moans of complaint slipping past his lips. Alpha slotted inside easily, disappearing in between his legs stretching him sore and trying to fuck a new tiny thing inside of him. A hot stinging built up in his eyes blurring his vision as everything started to feel warm again, and Shinichi felt his belly react to the vigorous bounce of sex. The thing inside of him fluttered again, responding to the movement. He could imagine the tiny softball-sized creature shifting, curious to its entire world bouncing off the cock that had planted it deep inside of Shinichi. Perhaps it had been sleeping at the doctor’s appointment, now roused from the repeated bobbing of flesh. Each flutter independent of the thrusting kept reminding him of just how alive it was.

“Beautiful, perfect, pregnant omega. So good, growing that pretty pup for Alpha. Soon, we’ll have a new puppy playmate to join us in the house. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, omega? Won’t that be nice? Then, you’ll both be able to entertain Alpha, when it's old enough.”

As Shinichi whimpered, he wanted to throw up again, and it had nothing to do with the nausea building up in his stomach as it hollowed out for Alpha’s cock. Alpha was already planning ahead, thinking of including this innocent pup into his sick and twisted lifestyle once it was born. When Alpha’s knot popped inside him, he saw a slight bump press against his skin. It was higher than where Alpha’s cock would imprint, just under his navel distending the skin and coinciding with another flutter of the pup’s kick. He watched as the bump moved, feeling that distinct, more kick-like flutter that made him want to choke on his own tongue.

Alpha spent the night in Shinichi’s room. He had kept some of the ultrasound photos after today’s appointment. Little mementos to continue the illusion that they were an ordinary couple. Alpha had strewn them over the floor carelessly when they got home before mounting Shinichi. Now, in a moment of silence after Alpha had fallen asleep, Shinichi dared to look at them. The little pup was curled up happy in his stomach as it suckled its thumb. It looked so ordinary, so peaceful, so ignorant of the misery of its host housing it. He had almost tried to smother it. Part of him still wanted to. He didn’t know this pup, didn’t even know if he would like it once it left his belly. But regardless of how he personally felt about the pup, he could never let Alpha have it. Shinichi had already failed to save himself, failed to save the other kids at the Facility, they had all been sold and relocated far away. He wanted to save at least this pup. He swore to the thing in his belly. This pup didn’t deserve to have this Alpha as its parent. He had to escape.

The next day, Shinichi used his nails to scratch the kanji of his name into a corner of plaster in the bathroom wall until his fingernails bled. Alpha wouldn’t notice, he was too tall, and the area was pretty hard to see unless you spent your time doubled over the sink as much as Shinichi did. The abandoned holiday home was only a temporary solution, as the doctor had warned Alpha he should already consider moving again as he had failed to hear from other clients as of late since their last appointments. As far as the doctor knew, no one had been caught at the Facility location, but the authorities were now fanning out their searches to the outer towns. It might even be worth moving off the mainland at this rate. Alpha had agreed, but said he couldn’t move yet. Shinichi’s situation was quite precarious, he could lose the pup and it would be difficult to smuggle a pregnant omega onto a boat given his scent. Alpha decided to settle for moving to a seaside town, so they could leave as soon as the pup was delivered. Hopefully, whoever moved into the holiday home next would spot Shinichi’s name carved behind the tap and recognise it from a missing poster, if his name was still out there on the public frequencies.

Later in the month, Alpha had another rut. Just because Shinichi had stopped having heats, didn’t mean that Alpha’s cycles had stopped. He fucked Shinichi rough, seemingly derranged by the sight of the baby bump jumping against his flesh as he pounded inside heedless to Shinichi’s cries. It was animalistic. He bit into Shinichi’s skin, covering him with bite marks showing his ownership and licked off the bloody iron to croon over the prospects of fucking another pup into that warm womb once the first was delivered. He grasped Shinichi’s chest, squeezing the mound painfully as Shinichi gasped, growling about how fat his omega’s tits were with milk to feed his pups. Alpha squeezed harder and harder until tiny beads of milky fluid bubbled up from Shinichi’s chest to his dismay. After that, it wasn’t that unusual for Shinichi to find his chest swollen and beading with milk at the end of the week. The continuous changes to his body left Shinichi constantly exhausted. Like no amount of sleep or food could keep him energized enough to do more than walk. Maybe it was the pup still sapping his energy, using it to fuel its own growth, or maybe it was his body using up his reserves to build all these new structures designed to feed and support the pup once it was born, either way it left Shinichi feeling utterly drained.

His belly was too big. He couldn’t even see over it anymore. Sometimes, Shinichi wished the stress from the pregnancy would get too much, exhaust his body and kill him outright, save him from thinking about making the decision himself, should he fail to escape. That’s what it was doing to him anyway, wasn’t it? Killing him slowly. Pregnancy was an ailment that put the carrying parent at risk of death. Nothing about the process was to the benefit of the parent, only risk. The pup was steadily weakening his body to an enfeebled state, draining him away until he was nothing. At the rate he was going, Shinichi wouldn’t be surprised if he collapsed one morning and simply never woke up. That sounded nice.

Shinichi dreamt again that night. He’d died, greying and stiff on the bed while Alpha had torn through his belly to uncover the pup from within. He pulled it, sticky and red from Shinichi’s decaying insides, crowing with victory as he cradled the squalling thing. Despite its host dying, the pup had pulled enough of Shinichi’s strength to survive without him. Now, it was at the complete mercy of Alpha’s will. The dream shifted to some time later, and Alpha got angry. He had gotten the pup tested, and like his first family, he had failed to produce an alpha son. Failure. As retribution, Alpha took it back to the Facility, where he would train the pup with Orders. Bring it up right, where Shinichi went wrong. Shinichi’s grey eyes could only stare lifelessly, as the pup he had sworn to protect was taken away to that hellhole to be punished-

Shinichi woke up in a silent scream, clutching his front. He could still feel the pregnant swell between his fingers. The pup was still with him, still inside, still safe. He felt the pup flutter in his stomach, alarmed at his panicked heart beat. For the first time since the appointment, he willingly rested his hands over the taut skin. He managed it without recoiling at the alien feeling, even when he felt the skin distort from another kick. He’d never, never, never let Alpha take the pup to the Facility. He didn’t know if the pup was alpha, beta, or omega, but he wouldn’t let Alpha have it. Alpha had already ‘won’ once, getting exactly what he wanted when he managed to breed Shinichi fat with implanted seed. He wouldn’t let Alpha ‘win’ again by letting him have the pup Alpha so desperately thought he deserved. But to do that, Shinichi couldn’t die. Not while this tiny thing was relying on him to protect it from Alpha. He couldn’t let himself wither away into nothingness. So, Shinichi made a renewed effort to eat more, asking Alpha for extra servings after he was done and remembering to thank him so that Alpha would indulge. He would still throw up, but that only doubled his efforts to eat more. Alpha was of course pleased, thinking that Shinichi had finally come to willingly accept his role and was eating for the benefit of the pup for Alpha’s sake. His self-important delusions made it easy for Shinichi to fool him into believing he’d had a change of heart.

Even when his swollen abdomen was eclipsing his entire waist, Shinichi didn’t stop growing. Every day it looked like he put on another kilo of weight as his front swelled up like a water balloon. He was already so full, Shinichi wondered how he could possibly get any bigger. Just how was a whole baby supposed to fit inside his small frame? Shinichi had seen babies before. He saw how little they were in their omega parent’s arms. But Shinichi was little too. A baby would be huge inside of him, it would never fit. And yet, every day it seemed his body was determined to keep expanding to make room for the growing pup.

Alpha liked to encircle Shinichi from behind, laying his hands over his rounded stomach possessively, pressing down until he felt the pup respond back. Every shift and movement from the pup was more forceful than a simple flutter now. Shinichi could feel the difference between the pup turning over or kicking at his organs. His gums had started to bleed, teeth sensitive as the rest of him as his chest ached and he massaged the area gently. Mineral deficiency, the doctor diagnosed over the phone. Alpha started giving Shinichi prenatal vitamin pills instead of drugging the water. Folic acid, iron, calcium, vitamins, all things a growing pup would need. It probably helped a little, but Shinichi couldn’t really tell since he was pretty weak, and all the nutrients seemed to divert to the pup instead of supporting his own failing system. His body continued to morph and change without his regard, his skin splitting apart at the seams in a ripple of tiger stripes from the rapid growth. Shinichi pointedly ignored whenever Alpha paid special attention to that … sickening growth distending his stomach. It looked like he could house a large basketball inside himself at this stage, the roundness taut and smooth like an unusual drum. 

Just as planned, Alpha moved them to a seaside residence in preparation to leave the mainland as they approached the delivery of the pup. The seaside town was also conveniently closer to the doctor’s clinic than their previous town in the mountains. The Alpha wouldn’t want anything happening to his precious pup he had worked so hard for just because they had to live far out in the countryside after all. When he was brought into his new room, Shinichi pretended to cut himself tripping over the floor, scraping his arm on the door latch. Alpha slapped him across the face in reprimand.

“Stupid omega,” he scolded, checking over Shinichi’s belly carefully. “You’ve got to be careful, or you could’ve hurt the pup. If you dare lose it, I’ll make sure you regret stealing from me.”

Shinichi apologised, picking himself up shakily. He cradled his bleeding arm. Alpha offered to clean it up for him before he got himself an infection, but Shinichi saw his chance, and insisted he clean it himself. Thinking quickly, he brushed off Alpha, downplaying the damage before rushing to the bathroom. He couldn’t close the door behind himself of course, but so long as Alpha didn’t suspect he was up to anything, he wouldn’t care. There, he worried the wound with his teeth until it bled worse. He’d only have one shot at this before he took too long and Alpha got suspicious, so he had to make it count. He’d heard of murderers being tracked down when city officials detected blood or bits of a body washing into the sewer system when they disposed of the body by flushing pieces down the sewers. It was a long shot, because he didn’t have a lot of blood at his disposal for it to have a good chance at being detected, but he was still losing his baby teeth, and one of his sore gums had loosened one of them. A tooth was bright white, sure to stand out from standard sewage sludge. Determined, he twisted and pulled at the stubborn pebble until he finally had his prize in hand. Fingers trembling with caution and careful not to let the tooth slip from his fingers, he coated the whole thing in his arm blood. Then, Shinichi dropped the tooth into the drain with a hope and a prayer. He washed up quickly after that, squeezing the flesh to let blood flow freely into the sink for a solid twenty seconds. Hopefully, that was enough to be detected. He ripped out some hair as well and fed it down for good measure. If anyone out there was still looking for him, hopefully they’d be on the lookout for a body. He bandaged up the wound and returned to Alpha before he could get too suspicious, obediently eating today’s meal and taking extra care of the bump deforming his navel. His belly was truly massive now, having expanded to roughly the size of a beach ball. He wondered if the forced expansion had thinned the walls of his muscles, if the membrane of his stomach was so stretched it might pierce if he had just scraped himself a little to the left, missing his arm.

An intense tightening and cramping sensation was plaguing his pelvic floor. It came in waves, stretching out from his pelvis and wrapping around his front to crest to the point of pain before relaxing back into simple discomfort. It would get so intense that Shinichi would double over,  slumped to the ground mewling. Luckily, the waves were pretty infrequent, less than once in an hour. His hole had also started aching. It had been doing so in intervals recently. About twenty seconds a piece when it started. His sides were cramping up from the stress of carrying such a heavy weight on top of the waves of pressure and he had to support himself with his hands whenever he walked, hugging his front like a bowling ball. Alpha wasn’t concerned however, and he told Shinichi this was normal and they didn’t have to visit the clinic yet. Shinichi could only wonder just how much worse the cramping was going to get before Alpha was satisfied. He had even more difficulty sleeping, the unusual shape of his belly making it uncomfortable to lay no matter what position he tried as the weight of his belly would crush his insides. The pup also seemingly was on its own internal clock as it enjoyed jumping on his organs in the dead of the night. At least it had been moving lower, finally giving Shinichi some room to breathe in his lungs. He could feel it taking up all the space in his insides where his stomach and intestines used to be instead. The pup distended his stomach multiple times a day now, pressing against the skin when it heard interesting sounds or felt unusual movement. He wondered if it could tell how miserable he was, held here day after day and growing fatter against his will to support it. He’d started leaking slick again, though his heatscent didn’t return. The pressure from his belly was squeezing out all his other organs and that included his slick glands, lubricating his channel for the arrival of the pup. It was around this time they went back to the doctor’s clinic for his final check up. 

Shinichi was enormous. The pup must have made up over a third of his total weight on the scales. It hung in a perfectly round globe over his belly, protruding disgustingly. He looked full to bursting, like the slightest pressure would pop the layer of his skin like soap bubbles at any moment. There was no way the pup was ever going to fit back out between his hips. Even Shinichi could tell that without the x-ray the doctor conducted. It looked grotesque, the image of their intertwined skeletons with the pup positioned for expulsion. Shinichi could see the skeleton of a whole tiny new person, sitting just over his pelvis. The pup almost took up the entirety of the swell in his stomach. He tensed as he felt another wave of internal pressure tightening, locking his muscles and pressing in on his hole. The waves were longer now, closer to thirty seconds, but still faded away quickly. He wasn’t told what his body was trying to accomplish, what the waves of deep, internal pressure meant, but he could guess. The pup wanted to come out.

Alpha liked to tell him about how perfect he was for this. Catching as soon as he was ripe. Growing a healthy, perfect pup without complication to full term because he was perfect. He bet Shinichi would catch again as soon as his next heat came around. He told him how he wanted to keep Shinichi pregnant forever, passing pup after pup just like he was made to do. He’d miss Shinichi once he was older and used up. But thanks to Alpha’s generosity, Shinichi would have served his full potential by then. The next pup would be easier, Alpha promised, kissing Shinichi’s forehead and holding him close on the examination table, hand over his leaking hole and pressing in, like he could touch the pup if he just pushed in hard enough. The first one would open his hole up for good, make it easier for future pups to pass through, and wouldn’t that be nice? Shinichi didn’t want future pups. He didn’t even want this pup. But that wasn’t going to happen. He was too full, too round to stop the pup from coming.

The doctor made the executive decision to give Shinichi a cesarean, much to the disappointment of Alpha. He had been hoping for a natural birth, since he believed the intervention of medicine allowed for weaker specimens of the human race to thrive in today’s society. But he didn’t want to lose his pup maker now that the websites he frequented had gone dark. It might take another five years before he could find a replacement if he lost Shinichi, and Shinichi was already so perfect, catching immediately after presenting, so the cesarean was approved.

Alpha helped strap Shinichi down to the table until he could barely move with his legs stirruped in place as the doctor got ready to begin. A cold numbing gel was spread all over until Shinichi couldn’t feel his stomach anymore, but he could still certainly see the pup moving inside him whenever it shifted, slowly but surely inching its way lower towards his hole. Shinichi struggled, frightened of the shiny sharp knives the doctor was holding that they would hurt him but unable to stop the cold choke of leather from restraining his limbs. A cold, wet, red marker left bright, bloody marks on his stomach, mapping out where the doctor was going to cut into him as Shinichi started to whine in distress. It was scary, seeing how large the cuts were going to be, they were going to eviscerate him.

A thick leather gag was forced between his teeth, giving him something to brace himself with before he bit off his tongue. Shinichi groaned as another one of those long moments of intense internal pressure squeezed tight around his belly. It was painful, like his muscles were determined to rip himself apart with the tight squeeze, causing him to arch out his back in protest. He felt a pinch in his side as the doctor administered an injection of anesthesia. The pressure intensified, spreading and more insistently this time. And it wasn’t going away. The pain became sharp, causing his hole to start spasming under the distress while Shinichi gasped. The anesthesia started to take effect, and the world started to go fuzzy. Shinichi was glad to lose consciousness just as the knife-like pressure squeezing around his hole started to get unbearable. The anesthesia muted the pain as he fell into his dreams just as the cold edge of the knife bit into his skin.

When Shinichi woke up, he had a headache. Someone had been demolishing brick walls in his skull, leaving the tender insides soft and exposed. He felt an incredibly muted soreness as his entire front throbbed, but also felt significantly lighter. The numbing gel on his stomach was wearing off, leaving his belly feeling fuzzy and staticy as feeling gradually bled back into it. Meanwhile, something warm and squirmy was latched onto his front and making an annoying racket. 

Just five more minutes, Shinichi thought sleepily, mentally muting the sensations his brain registered. He could deal with all those distant sensations later. This was more sleep than Shinichi’s had for months, and he was going to savour it. The noisy sound of wailing only increased, grabbing at his chest and rousing him from the world of sleep. Shinichi cracked open his dry eyes and looked down in irritation, ready to tell it off and paused uncomprehendingly. There was a tiny creature wrapped in bloody towels suckling from his chest with his arms wrapped around it loosely. It was ugly, red and prunish. Its lips latched loosely on the nipple between wails.

What. Was. That.

Alpha spotted that Shinichi had woken up, and came to his side in an instant. 

“Look omega,” he said, awed. “That’s our pup. Isn’t he just cute?”

His … pup. That … didn’t seem right. Shinichi had an image in his head of what a pup should look like, and it wasn’t this ugly. And even if he was wrong about the appearance of newborns, something just wasn’t connecting in his head. 

It didn’t make any sense. Shinichi looked at the squalling infant and felt nothing. Not joy, not disgust, just … nothing. If he was a parent, wasn’t he supposed to feel something? His mother had long regaled romantic tales of love at first sight to him about when Shinichi had been born, just knowing off the bat he was going to be her very special little boy. How she loved him from the minute she laid eyes on him. Wasn’t he supposed to … feel affection?

Shinichi looked at this wrinkled, bloody thing and felt a mild sense of distant nausea. The pup wasn’t his. They had to be lying, both the doctor and Alpha. They were lying that this whole tiny human came out of him. It was too big for one thing, Shinichi’s arms were barely long enough to wrap around the whole bundle. Where would it have even fit in his belly? It didn’t look like it would have fit inside him. 

Shinichi was still half strapped to the table, though the end supporting his back had been raised so that he was sitting instead of simply laying back. His body was sweaty and clammy and his stomach still didn’t feel like it fit right. He looked past his arms to see his sore, slightly deflated belly now sported an angry and inflamed red scar, glistening with staples in his front leaving steady evidence tracks to where the doctor had cut him up and gutted him like a fish.

The pup on his chest wailed, having had enough milk as the doctor took the wrinkled thing away from Shinichi to conduct a medical exam. He let it go effortlessly. The pup still didn’t feel like it was really his, but logically, it had to have come from him, didn’t it? Where else would it have come from? Shinichi looked at the tiny wrinkled face from his bed curiously, trying to spot the little signs that might have hinted to its parentage. The hair was dark, but it was still too wet to tell if it was black or brown. The nose was small, but too scrunched in a loud wail at being taken away from its omega parent to tell if it was the same shape as his own. Nothing about the pup seemed familiar to him. Maybe Alpha was mistaken, maybe he was even trying to trick him.

No, don’t be ridiculous. What good would it do Alpha to lie to him about this? It was all Alpha ever wanted, all he kept talking about. How he and others like him bought omegas from the auction to breed them full of pups and see them brought into the world under their own hands. He wouldn’t then turn around and try to trick Shinichi by taking a pup from somewhere else to pass it off as Shinichi’s. Besides, Shinichi’s belly was empty now, he was alone in his body. It was still too different, permanently changed, but it was him now. Even as Shinichi felt cold and distant, he forced himself to cradle the pup gently when it was returned to him after the doctor’s exam.

The pup was so small, so new, so fragile. Its bones were soft and malleable, like even Shinichi’s enfeebled hold could snap them if he tried hard enough. The pup had caused him so much pain and suffering, it would be perfectly normal for Shinichi to hate it. But … he didn’t. It didn’t ask to be brought into the world this way, it was faultless. He didn’t love the thing, exactly. It still seemed too alien, too strange for him to think of the child as his own. But even if he didn’t love the pup, he’d protect it from Alpha. He’d promised. He could do that much for it. 

He fed it later in the night and let it latch onto his chest because it was helpless. He stroked his hand over its skin to massage better blood flow into it as the doctor instructed because Alpha wasn’t going to. Alpha told him it was a boy, but he didn’t feel one way or another about it. It was just another fact about the strange alien they had entrusted into his care they called his pup.

He should love it. That’s what they all said about omega parents, they loved their pups. He should love the pup or no one else would. Shinichi didn’t think Alpha loved the pup. Not really. It was just another possession to him, another one of his precious tools to serve his inflated ego about a legacy.

They had to stay at the doctor’s clinic for a few days until being cleared to take the pup home and prepare for the trip off the mainland. The pup’s skin was starting to lose its redness, but it was still far from a normal skin colour. Shinichi tried to rock it to sleep, he tried to recite passages from his favourite Sherlock Holmes book to calm it down. Tried to force himself to love the pup. He wasn’t sure if he really got there, but at least now he had bonded with the pup. There was … some sort of attachment there, and it was a start. Whenever the doctor came around to do another check up, Shinichi didn’t want to let the pup go. And when he did, he got anxious when it was gone for too long. It wasn’t love yet, per se, but it was a deep bond.

Alpha didn’t want to name the child yet, saving it for when he was a bit older so Alpha could have a better idea of his personality to bestow a fitting name in the tradition of the kings he so fashioned his life after. That didn’t seem right, so Shinichi named the pup in his head in secret. It was a boy, and he didn’t have any better name for it. So, he named it Conan, after the Sherlock Holmes author. It was a secret from Alpha between them, so it was precious, something worth treasuring, further solidifying the strange bond he was trying to nurture.

He might not love Conan yet, but he’d work on that. He was making an effort. He’d practice. Conan deserved to have an omega parent that loved him. He came from Shinichi, and that made Conan his. He’d love Conan, he’d make sure of it. He practiced saying the words quietly every night before bed.

“Good night Conan, I love you.”

Maybe one day, it would even be true.

Conan’s eyes had started off as a typical pale baby blue, but had deepened as of late into a beautiful crystalline sapphire that matched Shinichi’s own as he babbled cutely. Shinichi tilted his head curiously, pushing a lock of hair that was maybe starting to form a familiar cowlick back down. Maybe he was starting to see a resemblance.

Maybe it’d get easier trying to love Conan after all.

Chapter Text

All was not well after Shinichi brought Conan back to Alpha’s home. Alpha wanted to move them off the mainland right away, but Shinichi still had to recover. It was perfectly normal for an omega to bleed some days after, but that was for natural birth. Since Shinichi had a cesarean performed, Alpha was unsure what to do when Shinichi started to bleed. He thought to wait it out at first, but then Shinichi started developing a fever. Unlike a heat fever, this one made him feel seriously ill. He could barely hold his head up, his deflating belly throbbed like an open wound and started to get even more inflamed and red like blood. It was undoubtedly infected. The space between his legs had started bleeding heavily. Alpha had let him bleed like that for almost an entire day before finally taking Shinichi back in to be examined by the doctor. The doctor panicked. He wasn’t all that practiced in childbirth, and had apparently missed something important. He had to cut into Shinichi again for emergency surgery while he was delirious on the table, opening him up to take out a rotting, necrotic bag of death from Shinichi’s insides. Apparently, it was afterbirth. It was supposed to come out after the pup, but the doctor had left it inside Shinichi when he’d stitched him back up. Normally, it came out on its own after a natural delivery. Since Shinichi had needed a cesarean, the doctor had completely forgotten about it and left it in. Without the need to support a developing pup, the organ had died and started to rot. The resulting poison had spread into his blood to some of Shinichi’s other organs, causing them to bleed. The very thing that had fostered new life inside of Shinichi was now rotting him dead from the inside out. The doctor had no choice, he had to get rid of the other infected organs as well if they wanted Shinichi to live. 

Alpha begged the doctor to reconsider, that he didn’t want his omega to become broken and defective, he’d take the risk if there was any chance at all that they could save Shinichi’s reproductive organs. But the doctor put his foot down, telling Alpha that if they let Shinichi die and the authorities ever found his body, it could bring down their entire operation. They ended up coming to a compromise. The ovaries and uterus were too far gone to recover, rotten and unuseable. But the doctor could save his slick glands and most of his birthing channel. The slick glands also produced Shinichi’s heat hormones. He’d still be able to have normal heats and be just as tight and fuckable as the day Alpha bought him, but he could never have pups again.

Given the choice between infertility and death, Alpha relented. They sliced out the rot and they stitched Shinichi back up. That didn’t mean Alpha was happy though. Once they had returned home and enough days had passed for Shinichi’s temperature to come back down to a safe range, he’d fucked out his frustrations on Shinichi’s body. Grabbing him and twisting his arms behind him so he hung off Alpha’s cock, screaming while he was relentlessly ploughed. Alpha called him a broken sex toy that couldn’t even do the one thing it was built for while he popped knot after knot into that now useless hole.

Bad omega. Ruined omega. Defective omega. Useless. Somehow, this was his fault for letting his precious organs rot. He was just as bad, no, worse than Alpha’s ex-wife. Maybe he’d rent Shinichi out for other alphas, raise enough money on ‘an omega you could bareback’ to buy a new incubator to replace him. A better one. Shinichi could still look after the pups, make himself useful as a wet nurse before their new pup grew up and presented. Then, maybe Alpha would sell him again.

Conan cried hearing Shinichi scream, crying at the noise and begging for milk. He didn’t understand what was happening of course but the loud sounds and smells of distress frightened him. But Conan was ignored, left in the makeshift crib as Alpha made sure to bury his cock as deep inside Shinichi as he could, running his rough hands over Shinichi’s still tender stapled wounds on his front punishingly because it was his fault he lost his reproductive organs.

When Shinichi finally was let go long enough to feed Conan, the inside of his thighs were cum streaked and bloody. He moved mechanically, making up for lost time and soothing Conan so he wouldn’t cry anymore. Shinichi didn’t know how he felt about not having his organs anymore. On one hand, he was glad that Alpha couldn’t put another pup in him now. He was safe. Or, as safe as he could be when Alpha was still perfectly happy to cause him more misery in the bed, now that it was all he was good for. But on the other hand, now he could never have any more kids of his own. He hadn’t thought about it, since he’d only just learnt where babies came from the hard way first hand. But it was sort of sad. Alpha took everything from him. And now he had taken this too, the choice to have kids on his own terms. But he couldn’t mourn. It didn’t matter, not really. It was just one more thing stolen from him by the alpha who’d bought him. He had a pup to look after right now. Alpha would want to move them as soon as Shinichi fully recovered from his infection. He had a plan in mind; on their final visit to the doctors to clear him for travel, Shinichi would make a break for it. When the infection cleared, Shinichi would be the healthiest and clearest of mind for the first time since he’d been kidnapped and allowed outside to visit the clinic . It would be his best chance. 

They found him. 

It seemed too good to be true, but they finally found him. It was the PSB, storming the building and catching Alpha unaware as men in padded armour located Shinichi in the bedroom. He’d been trying to nurse Conan. Try, being the keyword. Ever since the horrible operation that had stolen Shinichi’s ability to carry children, Alpha had been forgetting to feed him or give him water more and more. He had to remind Alpha, for Conan at least, to keep Shinichi healthy enough that he could produce milk for the pup. But Alpha wanted to punish Shinichi for losing his ability to have pups, so he neglected them. Shinichi’s milk had dried up rather quickly as he fell into poor health. Dehydrated, underweight, and still recovering from both the surgery and infection. He couldn’t produce the milk Conan needed. His body had reverted into survival mode, reserving Shinichi’s resources into keeping himself alive instead. As a result, Conan started to get ill too. He was dropping weight and his cries got weaker and weaker until he barely would cry at all, scaring Shinichi into thinking he’d lost the pup. Before, Conan grew substantially consistently in those first days, quickly growing until Shinichi had difficulty carrying him for long periods of time. With the drying up supply of milk, Conan’s growth had slowed to a crawl. He was stunted for his age, and his eyes had taken on a concerning duller colour. Shinichi was worried sick. Conan relied on Shinichi to keep him alive, Shinichi had to be good enough to feed Conan. But because of him, Conan wasn’t getting enough to grow anymore. By the time the PSB had loaded them into an ambulance and taken them to a nearby hospital, Shinichi could barely produce any milk at all.

He learned from the officer accompanying him in the ambulance how they had tracked him down. Some criminals from the trafficking ring had been apprehended when they stormed the location, and they had the digital footprints of the people who had visited the ‘elimination game’ round that had singled Shinichi out. Stolen hospital records and independent clinic files provided positive IDs on the missing kids and the child who was killed in that traffic accident nine months ago. From there, they had to connect the digital anonymous profiles to the real suspects who were no doubt scattering into the wind. It helped when there were reports of suspicious activity in a holiday house in a mountainous town. Some delinquents had taken to vandalising the abandoned property now that it had been vacated, and when the owner came to clean up, they’d discovered Shinichi’s name carved into the wall behind the sink tap. They’d recognised the famous Yusaku Kudou’s name on the news, still looking for his lost son. From there, the search spread to similar nearby rural towns. Forensics kept tabs on towns for signs of ‘disposal’. When Shinichi’s bloody tooth was found, they’d isolated the search area to a single system of connected drains in a single neighbourhood.

At the hospital, they tried to provide Conan with a wet nurse but Shinichi had refused, terrified that they would take Conan away because they all thought he was too young to look after the pup. He could see it in their eyes, their concerned desire to give Conan to someone else, someone who could look after him. Don’t take Conan away. He’d already been stolen away himself, he didn’t want anybody stealing Conan from him. He couldn’t talk to the nurses. He couldn’t talk to anybody. Under fear of angering the Alpha since losing his organs, Shinichi had barely spoken beyond screams or whispering reassurances to Conan. His words were scratchy and hoarse with disuse, and it hurt to say things to anyone anymore. He didn’t trust the hospital staff. At the same time, he knew he wasn’t capable of feeding Conan himself in his state. The hospital staff were seriously considering separating the two anyway to feed the pup for his own good, when Yukiko practically flew into the infirmary to finally reunite with her missing son, throwing off the PSB officers trying to hold her back and debrief her, having been told about her son’s rediscovery and left for the hospital without letting the officers get a word in edgewise.

“Shin-chaaaaaan! Where’s my baby? Oh Shin-chan, I was so worried! I’m so happy they found you and you’re oka-” Yukiko had stopped dead in her tracks, her voice dying in her throat and staring in shock while two unfortunate PSB officers tried and failed to stop her from barging in.

Shinichi stared up at her, frozen and in the middle of trying to get Conan to latch onto his chest. 

That was his mum. His mum who he hadn’t seen in almost a year. His mum who had come to the hospital to pick up one child and now suddenly had to deal with two. His mum whose eyes dropped to the infant below with dismay and with a small gasp, the horrid realisation creeping onto her features. His mother, who was young and healthy and who had successfully fed him herself since the day he was born because she was a good parent. He looked down at Conan, a tiny thing barely stirring as he weakly suckled on Shinichi’s chest trying to get some flow of milk. In comparison to his mother, he was no parent. He couldn’t even manage to provide enough milk to his one, and now only pup.

Defective . Alpha had called him. Couldn’t have any more kids. Couldn’t even make enough milk these days. Broken. Useless. Yukiko was none of those things. She was better than him. She wasn’t broken like he was. She would be able to help. 

He turned away from the nurses, looking at his mother in desperation and pointing down to the tiny pup, holding him out to her.

“Help him.”

The hospital staff and his mother walked on eggshells around Shinichi once immediate injury was treated. None of them knew what to say to him, the situation was just so horrible. No one knew how to breach the topic. If someone should breach the topic. The nurses and doctors were all trained to treat physical maladies and injury, not mental trauma. All Yukiko and the nurses could do was thank the heavens that Shinichi had been safely returned, even if he still didn’t really speak to them. He didn’t speak to his mother after giving her Conan either. It was just too hard, when she looked like she was about to cry when she looked at how disfigured his body was. Because she had to be thinking that. It’s what he thought. He wouldn’t want to speak to himself either.

At least it hadn’t taken much stimulation for Yukiko to start producing milk to feed Conan. Of course she was a good mother, succeeding where Shinichi failed. He let her hold and feed Conan while Shinichi underwent the physical therapy to regain some strength in his body after getting a long needed good meal and taking extra supplements. Developing Conan had really taken its toll on Shinichi’s body, but he was showing early signs of a full recovery. Full recovery to health, that is. Shinichi’s body had permanently changed, the musculature and skeletal structure fundamentally altered in the process. His abdominal muscles had spread slightly, his rib cage had widened, he’d developed osteoporosis. He’d never fully get his old body back, even if he could train it as close to as possible. Little physical reminders that he’d never be the same. But he could mentally deal with all that later. For now, with Yukiko by his side and Conan safely nursing off her, Shinichi finally slept soundly. The building stress and exhaustion of the whole ordeal catching up to him as he finally got to rest.

Rest his body, rest his head, rest his worries. He could be okay again, even if it was with one addition to his family.

They cleaned and redressed Shinichi’s wound in his belly, giving him the proper care to clean out the infection. His hole was cleaned and treated with a light salve to ease the minor tearing he’d experienced when he’d been stretched too wide, and he was screened for diseases. Thankfully, the Alpha was clean, and Shinichi didn’t have to worry about diseases he wasn’t even aware existed. He blanched when told what could have happened if Alpha had gotten around a little more. He didn’t know if he should have counted himself lucky that all Alpha had given him was a pup. 

He was assigned exercises to strengthen his spread abdominal muscles. They’d never or work lie the same way again, but he could fix some of the weakness at least. If he wanted to fix his ribs, he’d have to wear a specialised corset to train his bones back into shape as he grew. They might never be exactly the same pre-pregnancy, but it could be pretty close. Luckily, since he was still growing, his bones would be a little more flexible to induced changes so he wouldn’t have to train them for long. The osteoporosis was about a fifty fifty chance of going away. Many pregnancies resulted in mineral deficiencies, but some parents fully recovered, while others never would. If it persisted, depending on the severity, Shinichi would have to consider giving up soccer for a lower impact activity. For now, Shinichi was given several medications and vitamins for various deficiencies. 

Shinichi elected to go light on the painkillers because of how similarly they made him feel to the effects of the drugged water; all loopy and lightheaded. After a few days, he developed mild withdrawal symptoms; cold sweats, inability to focus, muscle cramps, anxiety, insomnia. Oh wait, he had that one already. His postpartum brain was a little slow at times, he hoped that wasn’t permanent. The PSB agent on his case informed his mother they had discovered the ‘mood regulators’ he had been taking were really a hypnotic drug that affected mental clarity and made him docile and more susceptible to suggestion. That explained the effectiveness of the Commands back in training, so long as it was reinforced. He’d just have to wait it out unfortunately, as the hospital wasn't comfortable giving him lower doses to wean him off the altered brain chemistry.

Yukiko kept trying to engage Shinichi in conversation, drawing him out of his thick newfound shell. She kept the topics light, talking about nothing and anything so that Shinichi felt less pressure to participate.

“You know, while you were gone, Agasa-hakase reconnected with an old paramore! She’s a fashion designer, can you believe it? They’re so cute, getting to know each other all over again!”

Shinichi nodded slightly, letting her know he was listening.

“The Mouris moved back in. They moved away while you were little, do you remember? But Eri-chan and Kogoro-chan have broken up now. Ran-chan will be going to the nearby school, and she’ll need a familiar face to show her around.”

Shinichi remembered Ran. She’d been in his kindergarten class until they’d moved away when Eri got a new job at a firm in another city. He remembered that she didn’t know where babies came from either when he’d asked her. She was nice, a bit of a crybaby, and he vaguely remembered her breaking her very first plank of wood with a karate kick. He wondered if she remembered him.

“Ne~ Shin-chan,” his mother asked suddenly, tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention. “Look, your pup is so cute, he’s started to babble. See?”

Shinichi reluctantly looked over to see Conan was blowing spit bubbles and gurgling happily in his mother’s arms. It was a form of babbling, he supposed. The dullness to Conan’s eyes had sparked back to life with a steady supply of Yukiko’s milk. Though, Shinichi was still concerned with how his eyes now seemed a little unfocused at times, like Conan had trouble seeing things and his eyes couldn’t get enough light. He wondered how he could ask one of the doctors to check it out. Conan was admittedly sort of cute. Shinichi wasn’t very into cooing at tiny, helpless things, but Conan’s big blue eyes made it very hard not to melt his heart. Shinichi blew a spit bubble back at him, smiling softly when Conan broke out in a huge smile.

“He looks just like you, Shin-chan!” His mother said proudly. She climbed into Shinichi’s sick bed to sit by him, letting them both look over Conan at the same time. His heart jumped into his throat when she sat on the covers, thinking about Alpha inviting himself into the bed, pulling back the blankets. He half wanted to bolt, but obediently stayed in the bed because he wasn’t allowed to have an opinion on people coming into the bed. Calm down, he told himself, gripping the frame of the bed with a white-knuckle grip. it was just his mother. She wouldn’t hurt him. It would hurt Yukiko if he reacted to her.

He forced himself to let go and cycle his breathing. In through his nose. Hold for four, out again. Slowly. He let himself lean up next to her warm body. If she noticed he was tense, she didn’t mention it.

“Ne, ne. What’s his name, Shin-chan? I can’t keep calling him ‘pup’ you know,” she said, threading her fingers gently through Shinichi’s hair when he didn’t pull away, like before. “Do you think you can tell me yet?”

Oh, right. Yukiko didn’t know. Shinichi hadn’t been talking to anyone, so all the nurses and his mother had been referring to Conan as ‘pup’ when he was taken in for his daily check ups. Shinichi reached under his pillow, where he’d stowed his copy of ‘The Hound of the Baskervilles’ Yukiko had brought in for him. He tapped his finger insistently on the cover under the name for her to see.

Yukiko’s smile brightened at the name. “Oh! Conan, is it?”

Shinichi gave a small nod, placing the book back under his pillow.

“That’s a great name! Shin-chan and Co-chan, you’ll both be great Kudous!”

Both? Yukiko liked Conan, but up until now, Shinichi didn’t know if Conan was going to be allowed to fit in with them. Conan … was a Kudou. He wondered what his father was going to say.

Shinichi still had nightmares after his rescue. He dreamt of Alpha, he dreamt of the Facility, his memories hitting him all at once after the mind-dulling drugs wore off. There were still holes in his memory, but bits and pieces came back to him in flashes as he finally started to return to some sense of self again. He dreamt of Alpha breaking out of police custody, coming to silence Shinichi and steal Conan away from him. 

“Thief!” Alpha would yell, his hands wrapped around Shinichi’s throat as he choked the life out of him. “You’re just like all those filthy omegas, stealing my pups from me. Thief!” 

He woke up in the middle of the night, scrambling around to look for Conan, convinced Alpha had stolen him. Shinichi could finally relax again when he saw Conan sleeping soundly in the warm incubator they set up in his room, Yukiko having fallen asleep in her chair watching over both of them. He breathed out a sigh of relief. 

He went up to the incubator, looking at Conan sleeping soundly in the night. He was still so little. Just a tiny person, head comically too large for his little body to even hold up on his own. His hair had started to grow in a bit more, the stubborn cowlick quickly taking shape that refused to go down mirroring Shinichi’s own. His mother said Conan looked just like him, and Shinichi was starting to see it more day by day. He wondered if he had ever been that small when Yukiko had him. Conan opened his eyes, seemingly sensing Shinichi. They were still too unfocused for Shinichi’s liking, even in the dark, and Conan started to cry. Shinichi jumped in alarm, opening the incubator and rushing to pick him up. He shushed and tried to soothe Conan back to rest to no avail. Conan did that a lot. Crying, now that he had the strength. Why did he do that? Did all babies cry this much, or did Conan just not like him? Yukiko jerked awake at the racket and took pity on Shinichi’s look of panic. She quickly diagnosed the problem and rocked Conan back to sleep after quickly feeding him. It seemed Conan was just a little cranky waking up hungry in the night. Yukiko was better at getting Conan to calm down than Shinichi. He was a little disappointed in himself. Compared to Yukiko, he really wasn’t much of a parent. 

In the morning, they had to take Shinichi’s statement for Alpha’s trial, but Shinichi still didn’t want to speak to anyone. Objectively, he knew he probably should’ve. His dad would’ve probably wanted him to, his testimony was rock-solid critical evidence after all. But Shinichi didn’t want to if he didn’t absolutely have to. He didn’t want to talk about what happened, even in an objective way, to a courtroom of strangers. It wasn’t like they didn’t have Alpha dead to rights with how much evidence they found. His digital footprints, suspicious withdrawals of cash, the seized mood regulator drugs, photos taken at the hospital of Shinichi’s battered body, Conan’s existence itself. They didn’t need his statement, as much as the PSB wanted it. As more arrests were made, the apprehending of the trafficking ring and its clients was the top story of the newsweek.  His identity and those of the other abducted omegas were kept fully anonymous due to child protection laws. The other abducted omegas who were recovered alive anyway. Shinichi was one of the lucky ones. He decided he’d only testify if it looked like there was any chance that Alpha or the members of the Facility were going to get off the hook. He didn’t want to see any of them again if he could help it. Luckily, the statements of the other omega children were more than enough, and there was more than enough evidence to put away his tormentors for years on the charges of child abduction, forced sexual intercourse, and human trafficking. Not long enough for Shinichi’s liking, but at least it was in a high security prison, so the likelihood of Alpha escaping were basically nil. 

His dad came to the hospital next, having been busy helping the PSB clean up the last of the members of the trafficking ring, and Shinichi was glad to finally be reunited with both his parents. Yusaku hadn’t known what to say when he saw Conan. That’s okay, neither did Yukiko at first. It would take some getting used to. Objectively, he had been debriefed about what happened to his son, but it was quite a shock to confront the reality when he walked into the room. Once Yukiko had introduced the pup as Conan, the tension in the air broke as Yusaku actually managed a weak smile, looking down at his first born with fond exacerbation. Of course he had named his own pup after the Sherlock Holmes author, the boy was such a mystery otaku. While Shinichi’s dad might have been terrible at explaining the birds and the bees to a curious four-year-old, he and Yukiko both knew how to give the biggest, welcoming hugs once the Kudous were reunited as a family. 

They found each other.

Chapter Text

People spoke, people stared. Everyone looked at the nine year old omega with a pup. Judging. Always judging. And they weren't very nice about it. 

During his hospital stay, Shinichi started to become aware of the judgement. Not every nurse at the hospital knew exactly how a nine-year-old omega had ended up in the hospital with a pup, and some cast their judgemental eyes over him. Especially when he started getting better, the bruises fading, wiping away the history of abuse, and opening discussion about him up to rumour and speculation. It wasn’t exactly a secret that the pup was his and not Yukiko's. His chest was still swollen, even if he still couldn’t make enough milk since Yukiko had primarily taken over feeding duties. It was written all over his changed physical body. They looked at him with disdain and whispered behind their hands in the shadows when they thought he couldn’t hear. 

How irresponsible. He wasn’t even out of school yet and he already had a pup of his own? At that age? He should have been more careful. What kind of nine-year-old goes sleeping around like that? He must be one of those bad kids you hear about on the news. You know the ones. How awful. Who are his parents anyway? Didn’t they teach him better than this? I’ve seen them around, I think they’re famous. Ah, that explains it. Famous parents; too busy to spend any time at home, he probably wanted the attention. I feel sorry for him. Do you think he wanted a pup? Maybe he should have thought about that and kept his damn legs closed.

Some dropped flyers in his room not so discreetly. ‘Omega Parenting School,’ ‘Pup Rearing Basics,’ ‘All About Contraceptives and Safe Sex,’ ‘Safe Sex; Protecting Yourself and Avoiding Accidents,’ ‘Options for Adoption.’ He threw them all in the waste bucket. He didn’t need the nurses scolding him about how irresponsible they thought he was. Most of them didn’t know anything, it's not like they read the police report. All they had was speculation.

Yukiko was teaching him the ins and outs of pup rearing. Today, they were tackling how to change Conan’s diaper properly. He had just been washing Conan before at Alpha’s place. It was surprisingly easy, though Shinichi had trouble remembering all the steps. Babies were incredibly finicky, with their sensitive skin and needing all those powders and pins in places to keep it all in one piece. How did anyone manage before modern diapers were invented? At least he had ka-san to show him how to do everything. She was a pro at this.

In an attempt to bond with both Shinichi and Conan since reuniting, Yukiko took Shinichi out of the hospital to buy toys for Conan. The doctors weren’t actually keen to let either young Kudou child out of their sight, but Yukiko was persuasive and cunning and managed to sneak them out with the help of some light disguises. 

“Ooh! Look Shin-chan! They have a huge selection of rattles here. Do you think Conan would like one?”

Personally, Shinichi was a little averse to handing Conan a noisy toy that could further disturb his precious few hours of sleep a day, but he knew how important it was to introduce a baby to all sorts of sensory stimulation at such a young age. He compromised by picking out a little silver rattle that tinkled with tiny delicate bell sounds, reasonably quiet as to not be too disruptive if Conan threw a little fit. They had a mobile with tiny cartoon sharks Conan seemed to like, and Shinichi gasped when he saw the perfect toy. A little stuffed bear wearing a deerstalker, tweed cape and wielding a pipe. It was a little Sherlock bear, and it was absolutely perfect. Conan giggled when he got his hands on it, chewing on the bear’s ear and falling fast asleep on the car ride back.

“I think that one’s a winner,” Yukiko giggled when she saw where Shinichi was staring. “Do you think he’s going to grow up to be a little detective just like you and your father?”

Shinichi thought that would be a bit strange. Conan looked enough like him already. What would he be like in the future, if he turned out even more like Shinichi than he did now? He was glad Conan seemed to have picked up none of his physical traits from his alpha parent. Nothing about his face reminded Shinichi of that awful man. ‘Strong genes, us Kudous,’ his mother had joked, poking him in the side slightly. 

Conan had gotten a lot bigger now that he was being fed regularly, though still smaller than the doctors would have liked for a baby his age. He’d likely stay small all his life. His eyes were still looking funny though, and the doctors had finally taken notice. Shinichi was told they’ll keep monitoring him, but they suspected it was a side effect from the malnutrition and that he’d likely need glasses growing up. Shinichi felt sick. This was his fault. Conan got permanently hurt because Shinichi couldn’t even feed him regularly when Conan had most needed it. He was such a bad omega. Yukiko rubbed soothing circles into his back but he ignored her, turning away.

Shinichi jerked awake one afternoon, having fallen asleep exhausted from looking after Conan all hours of the day, but he was crying again, the source making itself known with that stench in the air. Ugh, babies pooped way too much. Pooping and crying machines, that’s what they were. Shinichi looked around the room but Yukiko was nowhere to be found, likely having gone off with his dad or for a well deserved lunch break or something. They were discussing plans on what to do when Shinichi and Conan were discharged from the hospital, he knew they were. He could hear them talking about ‘options’ on more than one occasion when they thought he was asleep. He wondered if he should wait for her to come back, but Conan’s crying was starting to attract attention, the nurses looking in and scrunching their noses at his inaction in disdain. 

Okay, he should fix this. He didn’t want to ask the nurses for help, they were strangers and he didn’t like the way they looked at him like he was a dumb promiscuous youth. He opened the supply bag his mother left behind for him to look for a fresh diaper, but was dismayed to discover they were fresh out. Panicking, Shinichi looked around the room, hoping against hope they had misplaced a spare somewhere. But there were none. There was a store that stocked some diapers on hospital grounds, but he’d have to go outside to get them. On his own. 

Shinichi gulped. He half wanted to cave in and ask the nurses to get them for him. But one look at their prying, nosing eyes just beyond the door had the request dying before it could leave his lips. They already thought him incompetent. He didn’t want to add to speculation by adding ‘pathetic’ into the mix if he couldn’t even buy his own supplies. Making his mind up, he grabbed a notebook just in case he had to ask any questions, gave Conan his Sherlock teddy, his pacifier and wrapped him up in a tight sling ka-san taught him how to use. He counted the money Yukiko had left in the supply bag. That should hopefully be enough. The sling fit snugly over his front, flattening his chest so he actually looked somewhat like he did before; normal. He dragged his hand down his front. How strange it was to think that this was what he looked like before everything happened. So much change and trauma had taken place in his body, he didn’t think he’d ever get back to looking like this, even if it was only temporary while the sling was in place.

He stubbornly ignored the trailing eyes of the nurses as he excused himself from his room and wandered down the hospital corridors, trying hard not to draw attention to himself. 

People stared. Of course they did, he was a lone omega with a pup strapped to his front. A few people with fake smiles stopped him and asked if he was lost, where were his parents, and if they needed to call them to come get him. Shinichi waved them all off, writing on the notepad an excuse about doing some errands for his mother, and she was going to be waiting for him. Thankfully, nobody asked too many other questions.

He made it to the store without incident. They had a bunch of sizes for diapers in the aisle, the selection was overwhelming and Shinichi was paralyzed for choice. Which one should he pick? He worried and paced up and down the aisle with anxiety. Conan was only a few weeks old, but his growth was also stunted. Did he need the newborn sizes or could he get premature? Should he get ultra absorbent or super soft? He didn’t know what kind his mother had been getting him. He was so worried, he didn’t notice when he bumped face first into another shopper.

“Oh my, I’m sorry, pup! Are you okay?”

Shinichi looked up, rubbing the sore lump on the back of his head. It was an old woman, maybe around sixty with salt and pepper hair.  She was out shopping with her alpha daughter who looked to be about in her twenties, pushing along a baby pram. The pup looked like they were around a year old or so, already old enough to start throwing their toys out of the confines of the pram. One of the toys was promptly thrown so that it banged against Shinichi’s knee. 

Ow.

Shinichi flinched back. He still wasn’t really speaking to anybody easily, so he didn’t voice his complaint, but the alpha woman still exclaimed, apologising as she picked the toy off the floor anyway.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry about that. The little one still thinks everything is a big game to him. Are you alright?” The alpha woman bent down and gave Shinichi a glowing smile.

Shinichi nodded mutely, acutely aware of her spiced honey scent that was trying to reassure him. She had light, reddish brown hair pinned back in a lazy updo and big green eyes. Her luxurious curls reminded Shinichi a little of his mother, if she was a bit more frazzled and less glamorous. The old woman meanwhile reminded him a bit of Agasa-hakasae, slightly shrivelled but still full of life as she moved like she still had another fifty years in her. The old woman spotted the two selections of diapers Shinichi had been deliberating between, the bags having fallen to the ground in the scuffle. 

“Oh, what do you have there?”

Shinichi almost hid the two bags behind his back, like he was embarrassed at having been caught. 

“Do you need some help picking out the right size for your little brother?”

Brother? Who- Shinichi blinked. Oh, right. With his chest relatively flattened by the sling, Shinichi supposed that would be the first conclusion people would come to. He relaxed. He didn’t need to worry so much about looking strange. He nodded in answer, bolstered in confidence now that he didn’t need to worry about them looking at him like he was some sort of freak, holding both sizes up to Conan like he just couldn’t decide which one to pick.

“How old is he, if you don’t mind me asking? My daughter’s is only twelve months, but he’s already shaping up to be a fine young man!”

The baby in the pram giggled loudly in response, slapping his hands against his mother’s attempts to return the rattle to him.

Shinichi thought for a bit, sticking out his tongue in deliberation before holding up three fingers to the woman and miming out the kanji for ‘week’.

“Three weeks?” Asked the daughter, clapping her hands together in delight. “Wow, he’s so little! And you’re helping look after him?”

Shinichi nodded. 

“Your mother must be very glad to have such a helpful big brother!” She then rolled her eyes. “I know you’re already a much bigger help than my husband.”

The old woman put her hand over her daughter’s arm. “Now, now. Your husband’s very busy putting food on the table for you two. Don’t bother him with pup chores, Sayaka. That’s women’s work.”

Her daughter sniffed disdainfully, like she’d like to comment on her mother’s assumption, but ultimately refrained from further complaint. 

The old woman pointed to the smaller bag in Shinichi’s hands.

“You’ll want the premature ones. The newborn size still looks too big for him. Take this brand, that’s the one my daughter used on her little one here when he was that age. Are you here by yourself?”

Shinichi nodded again, gratefully picking up the size the older woman had indicated as he dropped the unneeded size back onto the shelf. Both women seemed quite nice and helpful.

Conan started to fidget in Shinichi’s sling, complaining about still sitting in his soiled diaper and making that fact known. Shinichi shushed him in return, silently reassuring the pup everything would be alright soon.

The old woman watched as she bit her lip with concern. “And where’s your mother in this?” She asked, looking around the aisle like she might spot her somewhere.

Shinichi vaguely pointed somewhere back to the hospital in explanation, picking out a baby powder his mother had shown him before to go with the diapers. 

The expression of concern deepened. “I see. You’re a very shy boy, you know.”

Shinichi ignored the statement, rolling his eyes. He ignored her scanning gaze, trying to look as nonchalant and unsuspicious as possible as he readjusted the sling on his front. 

The alpha daughter picked up their own supply of diapers, placing her hand on her mother’s back. “Come on, Ma. Let’s not bother the kid anymore.” She cast a friendly look down at him. “We’re headed to check out, do you want to walk with us?” 

Shinichi didn’t have anything else to grab, so he nodded and fell into step behind the two women as they made their way to the front of the store. 

The old woman kept looking back at him, a curl of suspicion in her frown. The expression seemed eerily similar to those nasty looks the nurses kept shooting his way back at the hospital. Shinichi self-consciously adjusted the sling over his front, making sure it still covered everything.

It wasn’t until they were waiting in line until the old woman spoke up.

“Say, you’re awfully young to be looking after your younger brother for your mother, aren’t you?”

Shinichi shook his head, trying his best to look grown up. He was getting antsy to make it to the cash register already. He wasn’t sure he liked where this conversation was going.

“I mean, it must be really heavy on you, carrying him everywhere. Do you want some help with that? My arms aren’t what they used to be, but the pup must be so heavy for someone as young as you.”

Shinichi shook his head furiously, taking a step out of the line. He nervously eyed the exit of the shop … but he still really needed the diapers. Conan started to make a fuss again.

“Oh look, baby brother’s upset. Here, let me help.”

Shinichi shook his head ‘no’ and thrust his arms out to hold the old woman back as she reached for the sling. 

“Ma! What are you doing? You’re scaring the boy!” The alpha woman cried, trying to hold her mother back. The woman shook her off and fought Shinichi, pulling his arms away and tugging at his sling. Shinichi snarled, fighting like a wildcat to get the woman’s hands off him and away from Conan without outright pushing her off in case she fell and hurt herself. The scuffle only lasted a minute until security broke them up, but it was long enough. Her clawing hands managed to loosen the sling from his front until Shinichi held Conan in his arms and his fleshier chest popped right out back into their more rounded shape.

“I knew it!” The older woman screeched, her eyes wild and narrowed pointing an accusatory finger at Shinichi while her daughter held her back, embarrassed.

Shinichi baulked at the vitriolic hatred coming from the woman, clutching Conan to himself protectively. Her entire demeanour had completely changed. While before she was kind and conversational, now she was utterly enraged. Spittle flying from her lips, limbs shaking as she tried to claw her way out of her daughter’s hold to confront Shinichi.

“I knew something was suspicious! That pup is yours, isn’t it? Fuckin’ dumb omega bitch. Omega whore! Lying to my face. ‘Busy mother’ indeed! I bet you couldn’t wait to get your legs wrapped around an alpha, huh? Your parents must be so ashamed! How could they raise such a slut of a child?!”

The store clerks tried to calm her down, stepping between the two and asking her to leave. Shinichi felt the eyes. The innumerous eyes all looking at his chest and pup. Staring. He saw some of them raise their hands to their mouths, whispering to one another. The daughter herself looked at Shinichi with something like pity, but there was a seed of judgement there too.

He didn’t understand. The old woman was a stranger. Everyone staring were strangers. The nurses were all strangers. Yet they were all judging him. Disgusted. Disdainful. Pitying. It didn’t matter that none of them knew him, that they didn’t know why he had a pup. They had already made up their minds about him. 

Shinichi ran. He left the diapers behind and ran out the store, wanting to desperately get out of sight. Conan started to cry properly, but Shinichi couldn’t care. He didn’t stop once, running all the way back to his room.

Yusaku sat on the chair with a serious expression on his face while Shinichi's mother started to clean up Conan. He took note of the reddish fingerprint marks on Shinichi’s arm. The disheveled state of his sling, the exposed chest tissue, and his son’s state of mental distress. Yusaku Kudou was a brilliant detective, and it didn’t take much guesswork to figure out what had happened in his son’s absence.

Yusaku hired a therapist for him the next day. The provided mental health professional at the hospital couldn’t get Shinichi to talk, and it was clear he needed specialist help after Yusaku and his wife had come back to find him nearly hyperventilating in his hospital room trying to deal with Conan’s soiled diaper.

They hired Miyuki Kisaragi, a world renowned child psychotherapist. She didn’t know what to think when she had received an email from Yusasku Kudou, requesting her help with the utmost confidentiality. The answer had laid before her in the form of the despondent Kudou heir standing by his parents, his mother holding a squalling infant in her arms as his father took the fifteen minutes allocated to debriefing her of the situation after she accepted the terms of utmost secrecy.

Miyuki was an expert in difficult cases. She handled the cases no one else wanted to accept. The violent children. The unwanted children. The children who had given up hope. She made it her job to do her best to help them all. A child omega sex trafficking victim who had gone through traumatic rape and subsequent birth of a pup? This case was going to be difficult. 

“So, Kudou-kun, this is our first session. The first thing you should be aware of is that everything you tell me in this room is confidential. I won’t say anything to your parents if you don’t want me to, and I won’t be telling anyone anything unless I think what you say should involve the authorities or if it poses a danger to you.”

Shinichi didn’t answer, he just poked despondently at his pens. They had given him a writing pad for him to draw or write on like he was five, because words were still hard for him right now. He wasn’t totally mute, the Kudou parents mentioning to Kisaragi they’d caught him talking to Conan quietly a few times before bed. But he didn’t really talk to them or anyone else. He wanted to get better, but he didn’t want to share his words with anyone right now. People got mad, or cried when he talked. The police were mad, frustrated they couldn’t get a solid statement out of him. His mother always looked sad when he talked. It was much safer just to stay quiet. 

Obviously, part of her mission would be to tackle the elephant in the room in the shape of the sleeping infant. But she’d have to work up to it, build up some trust first.

“Your father tells me you’re a very smart child. How we progress is going to be entirely up to you. So, tell me about yourself. Do you like to play any games? Read any books?”

Tell her about himself? Shinichi wondered. She already knows he’s Shinichi Kudou, heir to the Kudou household, omega parent to a newborn pup and traumatised basketcase. What more did she want to know that hasn’t already been said? Why did she care?

“Do you not want to talk right now? That’s okay, we can get to know each other in your own time. How are we feeling today, Kudou-kun?”

Honestly, he felt pretty empty inside. Between the health check ups, waking up at all hours of the day to Conan’s baby crying to feed him when Yukiko was busy, looking after Conan in general and staving off the nightmares that threatened to catch up to him when he nodded off for more than thirty minutes, Shinichi hasn’t really had the time to even ask himself how he’s feeling. He shrugged, because that was the most honest answer he could come up with.

“You know, Conan-kun looked very healthy today. Did you help pick out his toys?”

Shinichi looked up automatically at the mention of Conan. Kisaragi noticed that, writing something in her notes.

“I notice he’s got a Sherlock themed bear. Did you name him after Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?”

Shinichi slowly nodded, like it should have been obvious.

“Can you tell me why?”

Another question he couldn’t answer non-verbally. He didn’t really want to talk to Kisaragi, she was just a stranger his father had hired to sort out the problems in his head. But … she was a professional. He knew they weren’t going to get anywhere if he didn’t at least try to talk to her. So, as reluctant as he was to let someone he didn’t know hear his words, he let himself peek behind his shell and answer the relatively innocuous question.

“... cuz he’s my favourite author.” Shinichi had almost said the words in an inaudible whisper.

Kisagari’s eyes widened, scribbling another note kind of excitedly. She hadn’t expected him to open up to her for quite some time. He was still only a child himself, after all. 

“The books are a bit too old for you, aren’t they?”

‘I think sex is a little too old for me,’ Shinichi spat back in his mind acidly. But he knew she didn’t mean it like that. She was only making conversation to get him to open up.

“I’ve read them since I was little,” he said aloud instead, clamming up again. Kisaragi quickly changed tactics. 

“I never said you couldn’t, I was only impressed. Tell me, how do you feel about Conan-kun?”

“Huh?”

Kisaragi elaborated. “Well, you named him after your favourite author. Does this mean you like Conan-kun?”

Truthfully, Shinichi was still confused on how he felt about Conan. One moment Conan was a parasite living off his lifeblood, stealing room in his belly to mature and develop. Then next he was stolen from Shinichi’s insides, forcefully removed and cut out of him while he was unconscious before being handed into his arms like a little squalling alien. He’d bonded with Conan for sure, and Shinichi told himself he had to love the pup and was practicing loving him. But real love didn’t need practice, he thinks, so he still wasn’t really sure yet.

“... maybe.”

“Could you care to elaborate?”

Elaborating would be hard. Elaborating would mean using more words. Shinichi looked at Kisaragi carefully. She was being paid to listen to him. She promised she wouldn’t tell anyone else. With how much Yusaku had handed to her as a down payment for her privacy and going rates, she was probably one hell of a good listener. He decided to untangle his vocal chords a little more, clearing his throat.

“... I think I like him. I didn’t know how to feel about him at first. I felt nothing when I woke up from the anesthesia and he was suddenly born.” Shinichi’s quiet voice was still all scratchy from disuse. He wanted a bottle of water to ease the way, he didn’t take water from a cup anymore.

“Because of where he comes from?”

Shinichi solemnly nodded. “... yeah,” he answered, trying the words in his mouth carefully before voicing them. It was foreign, like a thing he had to relearn after many months of the barest amount of speech.

“It was just so bad. I didn’t want to have a pup. I should hate him. What he means.” Shinichi looked at Conan babbling at Yukiko through the tiny window that faced the office. 

“He was just … really small. But I’ve thought about it a bit, and I still look after him. Even though ka-san’s offered to take over. She’s good at that, while I’m still bad at it. It makes sense, with her being a proper omega and all. He’s pretty cute at times, but mostly, I think he’s kind of ugly.”

“Well, the life of an infant is pretty unglamourous,” Kisaragi agreed, filing away that bit about being a ‘proper omega’ Shinichi had mentioned away for later. But there were more immediate concerns she had to discuss with him first. 

“But you said you think you like him?”

“Yeah. He’s just … here now. He didn’t ask for that. I think I half expected Conan to come out as some sort of monster, like he’d be bad inside, because of Alpha,” Shinichi explained, hesitating. “But … he’s just a normal pup. And I can’t hate him for that.”

“I see. Have you ever thought of giving Conan-kun up?”

Shinichi shook his head furiously. “No, never.”

“Why?”

Why indeed. The question had come up briefly in his mind when he’d seen the flyers left behind by the nurses, but he had an answer to that as soon as he was done reading the front page. Alpha took everything. He took away Shinichi’s innocence. He took away Shinichi’s childhood. He’d even taken away parts of Shinichi’s body and future. The only thing he had to show for it, was Conan. Conan, who was innocent. Evidence. Hard proof of Shinichi’s violation. 

“Cuz Conan’s mine.”

He’d never have any other pups of his own. Conan was all he was going to get. If Shinichi gave Conan up, that was it. He’d never have another pup in his life. Conan was a part of him.

“I see. So, a sense of responsibility then, not because you love Conan-kun?”

“No! I mean, I don’t … know.”

Did Shinichi love Conan? He likes to think he did. He would be sad if Conan had to go. The little pup had squirreled his little infant way into Shinichi’s empty heart. Conan was his. His and no one else’s. Alpha already stole so much from him, he’d be damned if he ever gave up his only pup too.

“I … love Conan.” There, he said it. Shinichi felt his corners curl up in the barest smile as he realised the truth to that statement. He had finally convinced himself to feel something like love to the pup when before it felt so strange. Now, having had Conan felt like it hurt a little less. He was glad. He was afraid that if he kept Conan, he wouldn’t have deserved it. Conan wouldn’t have had an omega parent who loved him if Shinichi never managed to do it. He’d have felt too guilty, too selfish to keep Conan if he didn’t love him. But now, he was sure. Conan was his and no one else’s.

“That’s good, I’m sure Conan-kun loves you too,” Kisaragi said, scribbling in her little notebook some more. “How much do you know about what happened to you, Kudou-kun?”

“You mean the charges against Alpha?” Shinichi asked.

“Sure, let's go with that.”

Shinichi shrugged. He had seen Yusaku’s copy of the case files. He never went anywhere without them. Shinichi had stolen a peek once or twice when his father was out of the room, curious to know the outcome of Alpha’s trial and sentencing and practically memorised the charges.

“Kidnapping. Human trafficking. Rape of a minor.”

“And do you know what each of those mean?”

“Mostly,” answered Shinichi with uncertainty. “Kidnapping means I was stolen. Trafficking means I was sold. Um, I don’t … minor means I’m still underage. But I can guess what that last one means. The last one means he had sex with me, doesn’t it? He wasn’t supposed to do that cause I’m too young.”

“Rape,” Kisaragi gently explained. “Means he forced himself on you. You didn’t give permission. Rape isn’t the same thing as sex. It’s really important you understand this, okay Kudou-kun?”

Shinichi looked really uncomfortable at that. “My permission?”

“Normally, when people have sex, both people need to give informed permission. It’s called consent,” Kisaragi explained. “If one person doesn’t give permission, either because they were not in the right state of mind, because they were misinformed about the situation, because the other person is coercing them using power, status, or other means, or they simply do not want to, then there’s no consent. Then, it’s not sex anymore, it’s rape.”

A new word. Shinichi was getting tired of learning new words lately. He nodded in understanding. “Oh.”

Kisaragi spent the rest of their first session explaining rape to him so he’d understand it a little better. It didn’t make him feel any better, but it made things make a little more sense. She taught him more about sex and presenting in general, since it had all happened before he could learn it in school and he must have a lot of questions about what had happened to his body. They didn’t have enough time to talk about everything she wanted to, with multiple comments Shinichi had let slip expressing concerning ideas implanted in his head about omegas in general that were no doubt from the mysterious Alpha who had hurt him, but it was a start. 

“Now, Kudou-kun, I’m afraid our time together has to come to an end. You mentioned early on that you want to keep Conan-kun. I wanted to establish that with you early, so that we can talk about how you’ll go about doing that given your situation. Your parents are going to be involved in raising Conan-kun, yes?” 

Shinichi nodded, already well aware that Yukiko was already Conan’s primary feeder these days as his body recovered. She was a lifesaver, he wouldn’t be able to raise Conan without either of his parents.

“Then, I know I said I wouldn’t be telling your parents anything here, but I feel it should only be fair to involve your parents in this next discussion, as they’ll also be involved. Is that okay?”

Shinichi nodded again. It was their home, their food, their lives he was going to be impacting if his parents let him keep Conan and raised him. They probably needed to all be on the same page if they were going to discuss anything important.

“Alright, we’ll be right back, Kudou-kun.”

He waited in the room patiently while Kisaragi went to gather his parents who filed into the room.

“You wanted to speak to us, Kisaragi-san?” Yusaku asked, as both of Shinichi’s parents sat either side of him.

“Yes,” Answered Kisaragi, flipping through the pages of her notebook. “Shinichi-kun has expressed his desire to keep Conan-kun. Are you two fine with that?”

“Of course we are!” Yukiko exclaimed excitedly. “Don’t be ridiculous. We’d never make Shin-chan give him up. You hear that Co-chan?” His mother cooed, bouncing him on her lap. “You’re going to be staying with us! You’re going to be so cute! I can’t wait till we can go shopping and buy you all sorts of cute things just like when Shin-chan was small!”

Yusaku nodded, his reaction a lot more subdued but no less supportive. “A Kudou is a Kudou, we’d never turn him away if Shinichi wanted to keep him. If Shinichi wanted to give Conan up, I’d understand. It’s a difficult decision to make to keep a pup. But I’m all too happy to help Shinichi raise Conan.”

Kisaragi nodded. “I never doubted it, but I just wanted to make sure everyone knew they are on the same page about keeping Conan-kun. Now, have any of you thought about how you’re going to raise him? It isn’t going to be easy.”

Yusaku set his face in a serious expression. “My wife and I have talked about it. We were going to bring it up with Shinichi, but we haven’t made any decisions regarding the matter yet. I have given the matter some thought … and I think it might be best if we bring up Conan as Shinichi’s brother.”

Kisaragi nodded. “As a child psychologist, if you want my advice, I’d say that would be wise.”

Shinichi blinked uncomprehendingly.

Conan … as his brother? It was an easy enough mistake to make, with how similar the both of them looked, but Shinichi had no idea how he felt about disguising the error as the truth.

“What?” Yukiko asked, looking between the two of them, surprised. “How could denying the truth be the right thing for anyone?”

Shinichi had to agree. All his life he had heard his father say ‘There is only one truth.’ Truth was always a good thing, why was his father hesitating now?

“As I’m sure you both know, Shinichi-kun’s life will be very difficult if anyone learns the truth,” Kisaragi surmised. She turned to Shinichi, “I’ll be frank with you. Kudou-kun. Young unmated omegas with children … it isn’t easy for them.”

Like the incident at the store, Shinichi thought bitterly, clutching at his arm where the old woman had wrenched it back to get at his sling.

“If you leave the hospital with Conan-kun as your pup, people are going to think badly of you. That’s just the way they are, I’m afraid some of the older generation are still quite old fashioned. They think it’s improper for unmated omegas to have children, let alone underage ones. They’ll be quite rude, offended, possibly even violent towards you. The way people used to think about unmated omegas with pups … it wasn’t nice. They thought they were improper, less intelligent, promiscuous, ‘rotten eggs,’ so to speak.”

Shinichi thought back to the gossipping nurses, the assumptions, the stares at the store. Strangers, all of them. Now he knew what they were all thinking. Seen it all first hand.

“I’m afraid school will be much the same, maybe even worse. A lot of kids get brought up by their grandparents, or even some conservative parents. Without much lived experience and simplistic judgement, they might treat you poorly. I cannot even guarantee the teachers will stick up for you.”

School? Shinichi hadn’t even thought about that yet, still focused on recovering physically and mentally from the whole ordeal before he was ready to face everyday life.

“School bullying can be relentless. People hate others who are different from them. And it is very different for a child at school to have a pup of their own. Bullying and school violence is no joke.”

Kisaragi looked at his parents. “If anyone finds out the truth about Conan-kun, it would be trouble for you as well. People would make assumptions about you two as parents, letting Shinichi-kun have a pup without aborting it at such a young age. It would be a stain on your reputation, and you might find it difficult to move around in your careers, navigate the prejudices of society.”

“We’d endure it, for both of them,” Yukiko promised, standing up with defiance alight in her eyes. “If anyone has a problem with it, they can go to hell.”

“But what about Conan-kun and Shinichi-kun?” Kisaragi countered. “Maybe you can endure the judgement even if your career suffers, but what about Shinichi-kun’s future? What about Conan-kun’s? You and your husband have employed me as your client, Yukiko-san, but Shinichi-kun is my patient, and Conan-kun is an infant. I cannot in good conscience advise you to risk subjecting them both to that kind of vitriolic judgement at school. You know as well as I do what they’ll call Shinichi-kun. What they’ll call Conan-kun.”

Yukiko looked pained as if she wanted to vouch for the goodness in people’s hearts, but knew deep down that children and adults could be very cruel.

“They’ll call Conan-kun a bastard child. An unwanted child. The child of an ‘easy’ omega. And that’s the lighter words they could use. The impact the truth could have on a growing child’s mind, it’s simply cruel. Not to mention Shinichi-kun …”

She turned her stony gaze to him, boring a pitying look. “Why, I can only imagine what cruel things children might say to a pup like him. How they’ll be physically violent and look down on him. It isn’t fair.”

Shinichi thought back to the names Alpha called him. Each and every one of them were derogatory and intended to hurt. The women at the store, the nurses hushed whispers. He shook his head vehemently. The judgemental stares, the hardship. It was already bad enough for Shinichi at the moment, he couldn’t imagine Conan growing up with strangers looking at him like he was the product of a disgusting freak. Like he should be ashamed. Conan deserved to have an opportunity to grow up happy. Normal. He just wanted everything to go back to normal.

“They’ll see every flaw in Conan-kun as a reflection of Shinichi-kun. If Conan-kun cries, it’s because Shinichi-kun’s not a good parent. If Conan-kun misbehaves, it’s because he’s got no alpha to look up to. If Conan-kun gets hurt, it’s because his omega parent is weak. The scandal itself would follow Shinichi-kun’s name everywhere. You mentioned he wants to be a detective when he grows up? Well, I’m afraid he’ll never make it onto the force with that kind of scandal following him. The public wouldn’t allow such an individual to work with police if they found out. And I don’t think you’d want that for either of them.”

“And we can avoid all that, if we lie to everyone?” Yukiko asked hesitantly, looking at her husband for reassurance. “What about Conan? What do we tell him?”

“I would advise against even letting Conan-kun know,” said Kisaragi.

“What, why?” Yukiko asked, a hand flying up to her cheek. “Doesn’t Conan-kun deserve to know the truth, at least when he’s a bit older?”

“Yes, and no.” Kisaragi answered. “If Conan-kun knows, you’ll risk a young pup accidentally spilling the family secret to the outside world. We can’t let him know too early, even if he asks. If Conan-kun knows the truth before he’s old enough to understand, and I mean really understand, he might end up hating himself because of what his existence means for Shinichi-kun. Children are sensitive to the emotions of those around him. If he believes he was an unwanted child, that his very conception is a source of trauma for Shinichi-kun, then that could cause some serious mental damage to his well being. It’s best for everyone if he is shielded from the truth, at least until we’re certain he’s old enough to form his own educated opinions on the matter.”

“But, won’t he hate us for lying to him?” Yukiko asked. “If he does learn the truth?”

“It’s possible,” agreed Kisaragi. “But that’s the safest option rather than risking causing him serious mental distress when he’s not ready. When he’s older, he’ll be more equipped to understand. If he asks, tell him your family therapist told you to do it, and you were only following my advice. It’s the truth after all. Make me the bad guy. Conan-kun can blame me rather than you all and damage your relationship with him.”

His parents didn’t like it, Shinichi didn’t like it, but all the Kudous could see the benefit to Kisaragi’s plan. 

“We could make it happen,” Yusaku said suddenly. “I can handle the papers and official documents. We can tell the press what they want to hear, and claim Yukiko went on another pregnancy retreat during your disappearance last year. And then, we will never speak of this to anyone. Not Agasa-hakase. Not even Ran.”

“Yu-chan, but Shinichi-”

Yusaku turned to Shinichi. “I’ve spoken to your doctor, and he told me he thinks your body could make a full physical recovery. You’re very young, and he said the traumas of childbirth will likely fade until they’re almost imperceptible. Your body will likely go back to mostly normal proportions, and with a few hormone pills, the hospital could even reverse the effects of lactation in the breast tissue.”

Shinichi looked down at the small fleshy lumps on his front. He could … go back to looking normal? He had already started wearing the specialised corset at the hospital. But they could fix his chest too?

Yukko looked down at the pup in her lap in wonderment. “Conan … he’s going to be Shin-chan’s little brother going forward?”

Conan would be raised … as his brother? 

Shinichi looked over at Conan. He looked just like Shinichi. It was easy to tell the two were related, practically carbon copies only separated by nearly ten years of growth. If you didn’t know Shinichi was Conan’s omega parent, it would be too easy to mistake them as brothers. Shinichi thought back to the store, how easily it came to the older woman to just assume Conan was his pup brother instead of his pup child. With how similar they looked, no one would suspect a thing. Yukiko’s assistance in feeding Conan meant that Shinichi’s milk still hadn’t come back fully yet. She was already Conan’s primary feeder. Hell, Yukiko was practically raising Conan already, while Shinichi was still floundering around following her to learn the basics. Yukiko would be a great mother to Conan. A mother he wouldn’t have to be ashamed of. As their son, Conan wouldn’t wonder who his alpha parent was, or find out the man was a criminal. He could be proud of both his parents, and love his normal, doting big ‘brother’. This way, both Kudou children could grow up ‘normal’. It was the perfect solution. It was also a Lie.

Shinichi nodded. He wanted Conan to grow up normal. He’d do all he could in his power to make sure that happened, even if that meant keeping a secret. 

“Brother.” 

He tested the word out on his tongue. Conan was his brother now. 

For the final part of the therapy session, they rehearsed the story until it was perfect. It was easy for Yukiko, a well seasoned actress as she coached the Kudou boys until she was satisfied. They went through every detail, interweaving the truth where they could to give their story more credibility. It was an unexpected pregnancy, a surprise to all of them really. Shinichi got into an accident last year. It was pretty serious. If anyone asks, it was enough to damage his internal organs. Yukiko was quite happy to find herself a pregnancy belly prosthetic as Yusaku arranged for forgeries of Conan’s paperwork.

The next day, it was finally announced to the press that Shinichi Kudou had finally been found. Yukiko disappeared from the public eye for a brief ‘pregnancy retreat,’ during which time they celebrated Shinichi’s tenth birthday. It was a small, private affair. A ‘welcome home’ and ‘happy birthday’ all rolled into one. Yusaku used all his money, power and influence to sell the narrative. ‘The best birthday they Kudous could ever ask for, the return of their missing son ten months later.’ He gave out bribes and exclusive interviews to get the papers and blogs to wipe out all traces of Yukiko’s official appearances in the past few months they could find, claiming she had been on her pregnancy retreat for months. Soon, there wasn’t a shred of evidence to be easily found that said the contrary. Conan was officially ‘born’ a few weeks later. He’d grown up enough that he no longer seemed too stunted, just a little smaller than Shinichi was when he’d been born, but a perfectly healthy babe. Isn’t he cute? The Kudous were surely blessed with all this good news.

Shinichi curled up in bed with Conan the night they brought him into the Kudou home, resting his chin over Conan’s head. His parents still let him look after Conan a little bit more than was strictly expected of a big brother. Conan was, after all, his one and only precious pup. It was the least they could do for him. When people saw him doting so much on the child, they cooed at what a good big brother he was. 

“It’ll be alright,” Shinichi whispered, hugging Conan close while he slept. “I’ll look out for you. I’m your big brother now.” He still had to get used to that, calling Conan his brother. It was all a big act the older Kudous were all a part of now. It sort of hurt a little on the inside, knowing they had to lie to Conan. But he’d get used to it a thousand times over for his one and only pup. It was official, Shinichi has a little brother now. A little pup brother with a big secret.

Chapter Text

If Shinichi had thought his woes with omega biology were finally over with the removal of his reproductive organs, he was sorely mistaken. As the doctor had promised Alpha, his heat hormone production and slick glands were left perfectly intact and were on their road to recovery with the rest of him after his surgery. Two weeks after his discharge from the hospital and six weeks after Conan was born, Shinichi started to feel the symptoms. Sensitive skin. A warm itch at the base of his spine that grew inside which nothing could cool down. The beginnings of a light fever. Every returning symptom had Shinichi petrified. 

He didn’t want to go into another heat. 

Shinichi wanted to be done with heat. Heat was scary, and made him think of his time with the Alpha. He hated how it made him act, how it made him feel. He hated how it made his body wet and hot and stupid against his will. He tried cooling himself down with ice cubes from the freezer. He froze several trays full and smashed them into chips and chewed on the fragments. He took long baths and tried to physically scrub the flush from his skin until he rubbed the skin raw. He went to bed every night hoping, praying he was wrong and it wasn’t heat. 

The smell hit him the next day and he couldn’t deny the intense ache between his legs anymore and Shinichi threw up. He threw up in the bathroom and doubled over, heart pounding and clawing at the healing surgical wound on his front until it bled as he panted heavily against the mirror, fogging up the glass and leaning his throbbing temple against it. The heat-fueled fog hung over his brain reminding him too much of the artificially induced numbness of the mood regulator drug. He flicked on the lights and instantly regretted it as his dilated eyes winced from the brightness. He felt fresh poignant slick ebbing from his hole, and he felt that bone-deep unexplainable emptiness. 

He didn’t want another heat. He didn’t want to get pregnant. Please god don’t make him go into heat. Anything but that. Flashes of remembered sensations assaulted him. Penetration. Movement. Fullness. Slick. Being choked. Crushing weight. Fever. Everything was jumbled up in a frazzled staccato of panted breath. 

Make Alpha stop. Make him stop . Shinichi could remember the hands pawing on his front like splayed leeches as the bruising grip then tilted his hips up to meet Alpha’s harsh thrusts. The pulse of rippled skin slapping his backside in a purposeful grind and it just wouldn’t stop. He could practically feel it pressing in, the lingering echoes of Alpha’s lust. Alpha’s disgusting mouth on his own sapping away Shinichi’s breath as he begged. His leaking was so bad, dripping all down his legs like he wanted it. He blinked and Shinichi swore he could see silvery white cum streaks. He didn’t want it. He didn’t. He didn’t.

STOP. 

Shinichi hadn’t noticed how fast his breath had gotten until he got light-headed enough to fall over, smacking his head against the sink. It hurt, but not enough to clear his mind of that fog over his brain that had taken place with the heat as he lay panting against the cold bathroom floor.

He heard shuffling feet hesitantly walk up to the bathroom door. 

“Shin-chan?” A concerned voice called out, breaking through the assault of remembered violations like a beam from a lighthouse. There was the creak of the door opening. “Are you alright? I thought I heard something falling- Shin-chan!”

Yukiko came in to find her son having a panic attack on the floor. He kept whimpering, shaking, fingernails digging into his healing wound on his front trying to pull the folds of skin apart and dig out his insides even though Yukiko kept trying to brush his hands away. His glassy eyes were dilated and unfocused. He couldn’t see the world past the veil of his memories, flashing back to both the awful heats he had experienced previously. Heats were bad. Nothing good happened when he went into heat. People wanted to sell him. People wanted to touch. People wanted him to Obey. Shinichi’s chest burned as the rapid gasps of breath were too fast to take in any oxygen, suffocating in the middle of the room while his lungs were working overdrive trying to supply air to his starving, malfunctioning brain.

Of course, his parents should have anticipated this as a possibility and prepared in advance. If Shinichi was big enough to carry a pup, he was big enough to get heats at his age. And given the situation, they could have predicted his heats would be an intense source of trauma for him. 

Yukiko was scared to touch him, worried Shinichi wouldn’t recognise her and think she was one of the shadows in his visions trying to grab him. Her hands hovered hesitantly, unsure where to put them. Shinichi needed someone to comfort him, someone to break him from his delirium. He was her beloved pup and she couldn’t just let him suffer.

“Ne, Shin-chan,” she called out, keeping her voice quiet and non-threatening. “I’m right here. Ka-san is right here, okay? I’m not going anywhere. You’re home. You’re safe. Nothing’s going to happen to you here, I promise. I’m going to touch you now, so don’t be too scared, okay?”

She gently placed a hand between his quivering shoulder blades. She waited carefully for a reaction, just in case she triggered something worse. When Shinichi didn’t flinch away from the touch, she traced soothing circles over his back. 

Yukiko talked to her son, letting her words wash over him in a sea of reassurances and mundane stories. She talked about her own first heat, and how it had taken her father totally by surprise since both of her parents were betas. She talked about how because her parents were betas, she had to ask for help from the school nurse to know all about how to manage her heats. It was mortifying, needing to consult with a stranger rather than keeping her business in her own family. But she was glad she had someone knowledgeable she could talk to, because now she knew all about heats, and Shinichi could always talk to her. They’ll get easier with time, Shin-chan. They last about a week for the first few years, then they can go down to as low as three days, just like ruts given enough time. Eventually, his body will adapt to the new hormonal balances and the intensity will fade until he won’t even feel anything other than a mild warmth when he went into heat, and won’t that be nice?

Time seemed to stretch on forever as she talked and talked, even though in reality it only took around ten minutes when eventually Shinichi was able to calm down enough to a slower, slightly more laboured heat-induced pant. He’d managed to sit up, leaning up against his mother heavily. His body was all sore from tensing up and spasming on the floor, but he could relax now.

“See?” Yukiko cooed, brushing a damp lock of hair back from Shinichi’s eyes. “Welcome back, Shin-chan. Let’s get you into bed, I’m sure you’re feeling very tired after all that. Do you want me to help you make a nest? I can order a lot of extra pillows and blankets that I’m sure you’ll love.”

She didn’t mention anything as she cleaned up the bloody tracks on his front from him opening up his wound in his panic. Luckily, the damage wasn’t enough to be worried about, but it ruined his chances of his scars healing nicely and left tiny crescent moon imprints in the raised red tissue. Shinichi tried not to be too embarrassed when he was led back to his room by his mother while the slick was still dripping from between his legs. She had to know what that meant, but she had the grace not to point it out. With his increased sensitivity to identification scents since presenting, Yukiko smelt of soothing cherries and lemon pie, the smell of home as she busied herself arranging Shinichi’s bed with practiced experience so that it was just right and slightly more tolerable for Shinichi’s itching skin. She changed the covers for supple silk so that it was like he was laying in water rather than the soft, now scratchy feeling cotton. His regular pillows were replaced with overstuffed silk-covered pillows and enormous plushies that he could hug and curl against to his heart’s content. Before, Shinichi might have called the excess of silks gaudy. But now, they were a necessity to the sensitivity of his heated skin. 

Without the drugged cocktail the criminals had been dosing him, Shinichi actually could hold two thoughts in his mind while under heat. It was strange, he hadn’t ever experienced a heat without being completely brain fogged, so in the middle of his panic attack, he’d convinced himself his mind was still being subdued. He’d felt it, the sluggish slowing of his thoughts like he was still hopped up on mood regulators. But it turned out to be all in his head, snapping awake like a dream once his panic was broken. That being said, his ‘heat brain’ was still a little susceptible to suggestion, and considerably slower on picking up on details. But he could carry a conversation. He could focus enough to read if he really wanted to, and he and could actually think and plan ahead of time to the next day of his heat. 

Part of what made heat terrifying was his utter loss of control under the drugs when the fog took over. Without that added fogginess, it made it much easier for Shinichi to remind himself that Alpha wasn’t going to get him anymore. That he was home, this was different. That didn’t mean his current heat wasn’t still scary for him though. The slightly increased susceptibility to suggestion reminded Shinichi too much of the Commands he’d since ditched. Flashes of memory reminded him of slipping into that mindless, autopilot scared headspace that he associated with heat. He needed something to remind himself that he wasn’t helpless during heat. He could actually control his thoughts, he wasn’t affected by Commands anymore, and he didn’t have to Lie back and let Alpha in. The tiny twinges of pain throbbing in his stomach, they could remind him. The reopened wound distracted him from the memories in his head when he had to refocus on the pain coming from his abdomen instead. It probably wasn’t terribly healthy, relying on continued damage to his body to snap him out of falling back into the black abyss of buried memories, but that's all that was working right now. And until Shinichi found a better solution, he’d probably keep scratching at his stomach scars until he felt better in the meantime.

Left to his own devices, Shinichi’s heat supplied him with nightmares of being knotted. The aching space between his legs being finally filled, Alpha cumming inside like he wanted (he didn’t want it). But it would feel so good, so nice to finally have his heat sated, turned down from the unbearable inferno to that low simmer. It was an inevitable physical reaction, to feel satisfied after being filled. It made him feel satiated and disgusted and conflicted all over again for feeling anything other than utter revulsion. It felt like his body was betraying him by feeling good despite dreaming about getting hurt. His body was weak-willed, disobedient, and broken, reacting without his permission to make him all hot, needy and wet. The line between pleasure and hate was so blurry he hated it. He hated it. He hated it. He wanted it to stop. But his body wouldn’t stop. It just kept producing that damn slick that dehydrated him (made him want water) when he thought of being finally fucked. He wanted to be held and comforted but also wanted to recoil from any touch as he’d keep flashing back to that damn bedroom where Alpha would forcefully hold him down. When he woke up from those nightmares he needed to be reminded he wasn’t there anymore. He’d claw at his front, but this time in punishment. He shouldn’t be feeling good when Alpha fucked him, that was bad. He’d pick at the healing scars so he could make sure his stomach wasn’t healed enough to support another pup. If dream Alpha dared fuck him, his stomach would split apart and probably kill him instead of swell, bleeding out through the slice where Conan had been pulled out of him. Shinichi knew he was being irrational, his reproductive organs were already gone and no amount of sex during his heat could make him conceive again. But it comforted him to make that area all ripped up and undesirable. Alpha had loved it so much. But Shinichi now had the power to ruin it. The physical pain also kept him from falling into the nightmares that threatened to overwhelm him.

He hugged a thick shark plush close to his bloodied front and looped his legs around its tail in a  grappled embrace. Oh, how the heat made Shinichi want to hold something more firm, warmer, more substantial bracketed between his legs, but he refused to acknowledge it. He tried to sleep off the remainder of his returning heat without dreaming of Alpha.

Alpha still appeared in his dreams.

“Your mother tells me you had a bad heat?” Kisaragi asked after rendezvousing for their next session. “It must be pretty serious if she booked you in for a slot ahead of our next appointment. Could you tell me a bit more?”

Shinichi shrunk back on his seat, deeply ashamed of what had happened. He knew he still stank of his heatscent, concentrated orange blossom and walnut, having tried this morning to scrub it off himself and mask it with lemon scented soaps instead. But it still kept coming from his neck, even though his heat had been over for a few days now. He remembered those stupid remarks the nurses made scolding him as his nightmare flashed fresh in his mind.

‘He should have kept his damn legs closed.’

He leaked during his heat when he opened his legs. He hoped his legs were in an acceptable position now. He crossed them just to make sure.

“S’stupid. I freaked out,” Shinichi gripped his hands into tight fists, assuring himself the lingering itchiness to his skin was merely a phantom sensation, his heat was over. He felt extremely self-conscious, wondering if other people had been able to tell when he had come over today. If they could tell that he was a freak who couldn’t even handle his own heats.

“Freaking out isn’t stupid,” Kisaragi assured non-judgmentally, noting his fidgetiness. “You went through something extremely traumatizing for your first heats, so it would only be natural that you have a bad reaction to them.” 

‘A bad reaction,’ like it was simply hives and Shinichi having an allergic response to peanuts. Shinichi chewed the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood. The illusory itch in his skin concentrated around the scabbing holes in his belly the more he talked to Kisaragi about his last heat. He wanted to run his fingers over the scars in his shirt with his nails, but he’s pretty sure she’d disapprove of his coping mechanisms. 

“I forgot where I was a few times. I told you, it was stupid.”

“Heat fever lowers an omega’s cognitive ability,” Kisaragi excused knowingly. “It’s proven the increased temperature lowers neuron response times. It isn’t so unusual an omega might forget where they are if it gets bad.”

“But it didn’t get that bad,” Shinichi countered, staring down at his shirt. “I could actually think for once during my heat. It was weird, cuz I’m not used to being able to do that. Too used to being too drugged during heat to think straight. That’s already better than my old heats if I can think. But it kept feeling too hot like before, everything else was so similar to before, that I’d forget to think. And then because I’m not thinking, I’d forget and dream about Before, and then that’s where I was in my head, and ka-san would have to snap me out of it. That part isn’t a heat reaction. That part was me being stupid. I can’t keep blaming the drugs for stupid things I do, especially when the drugs aren’t even in me anymore.”

“That doesn’t sound stupid to me,” said Kisaragi. “It sounds like your brain is still in the process of learning to cope with heat. Give yourself some slack, it’s only your third ever heat. Be patient, give your body some time to get used to the heat and you’ll remember you can think next time.”

Shinichi scoffed. It would have been one thing if he had forgotten something minor like how many days into his heat he was. It was another to completely transport himself back into the memories of an entirely different heat and overlay them on the present. How could he give himself ‘some slack’ for forgetting something so fundamental? 

“When you remembered where you were while in heat, do you know what would make you start to forget?”

“I’d think about how much I hated it,” Shinichi answered automatically. Since opening up a little more to Kisaragi about Conan in the early days, he felt he could talk a little more freely with her about himself. They still took things one topic at a time, but this was the first time he’d talked to her so candidly. He just hated heat that much, the topic spilled from his lips.

“I hate heat. It still gives me nightmares, even when I’m not in heat at the time. It reminds me too much of Alpha, because heat was with him. Heat makes me feel all funny like I wanted it. It felt … not awful. Which Alpha would say meant I liked it. But I never wanted it. I … I didn’t, did I?” He asked that last part in a horrified whisper. Shinichi had never admitted it before, his fears that his body was more truthful than his mind on the night of his first heat. 

“Do you think you’d have wanted it if you weren’t in heat and in the right state of mind?” Kisaragi asked.

Echoed fear from his first heat seized his throat at the suggestion and Shinichi vehemently shook his head. “No. Never.”

“Then, you didn’t want it.”

Shinichi blinked as Kisaragi turned over another page in the book she was noting stuff in. How could Kisaragi just say that, like it was that easy to decide if Shinichi wanted something or not? This whole time he had to keep convincing himself he wasn’t crazy, that he didn’t want it when he felt good. That he didn’t want it when the heat got too hot and he had begged for it. But Kisaragi just said it so easily. Like what Shinichi said mattered, even if his body was reacting differently.

“So … it’s okay … that I felt … not bad at times? I still didn’t want it?”

“You can have felt good and still not wanted it, yes,” Kisaragi confirmed. “It’s okay Kudou-kun, that happens sometimes. You’re not a robot. Your body has physical reactions to things. It doesn’t always make sense, sometimes it feels good even if you don’t want it to. But that doesn’t mean you consented. Or change the fact you didn’t want it in the first place.”

His fingers had been playing with the hem of his shirt, itching to slip under to run over those throbbing, still-healing staple marks. He felt called out by Kisaragi’s words, like his secret reactions were painted on his face and she had simply pointed them out to him. But it was … okay? He relaxed minutely, having been given permission to not be ‘normal.’ Permission to not feel guilty about not hating all of it. The shedding of guilt made it a little lighter to breathe. 

“You said you have nightmares, what are they about?”

“What do you think?” Shinichi said bitterly. 

“Humour me,” Kisaragi said.

Shinichi drew up his knees to the chair and hugged them tight to his chest. If Kisaragi didn’t like him putting his shoes on her chair, she didn’t voice it.

“M’first heat. It was the first time Alpha put it in me …” It was when Conan was probably conceived, formed in the fertile throes of Shinichi’s confused first heat and Alpha’s unfettered arousal.

“What happened in the nightmare?”

Shinichi felt his face freeze up, his tongue catching in his throat and the acidic burn of vomit flooding his mouth. Exaggerated fears and memories erupted all mixed into one slop of violence, sex and gore, being eroded away over use, the constant persistent fog of heat. Waking up in a new unrecognizable, inhuman body that felt empty, produced slick, that smelt of new scents and losing his sense of self.

“I don’t wanna say.”

He expected Kisaragi to get mad. The police officers asking him for his statement got mad when he refused to answer them, got impatient with him when he froze up. But she didn’t.

“That’s okay. We don’t have to talk about the dream itself. Let’s try another angle; how did your nightmare make you feel?”

That one was easy. His head sunk further behind his knees, closing his eyes to relieve the pressure in his head and hiding away. 

“Scared.”

“Why? Were you scared of your Alpha?”

“Alpha’s not my alpha,” Shinichi automatically corrected firmly. There was a distinction in his head, and it was important Kisaragi got it. Alpha was an alpha. Alpha might have been the one to … to breed him. But that didn’t make Alpha ‘his’ alpha. Alpha might have taken control of his life, used his body, dulled his mind, but he would never own Shinichi. Not really. Not ever. Calling Alpha ‘his’ was like giving Alpha permission to own him. He didn’t like that.

“Of course, I’m sorry,” Kisaragi apologised. “Were you scared of Alpha?”

“A bit,” Shinichi admitted. “But, Alpha was just a man. He was scary, but I could understand why I was scared of him. He kidnapped me, he was hurting me. That makes sense. But I didn’t understand heat ‘cause … everything was happening, and I didn’t understand anything .”

“So you’re more scared of heat than you are of the Alpha?”

Shinichi nodded. “It was just so confusing. Everything was so hot and I didn’t know why . I wanted- I felt like I wanted Alpha, and I didn’t know why . My head was so fuzzy and I didn’t know why . I didn’t know anything and then … then he was hurting me. And it felt … it helped … even though I hated it. I didn’t understand. It made the heat better but I felt so bad .”

Shinichi hung his head in shame as he remembered Alpha’s explanation. “He said it felt that way ‘cause my body wanted it. ‘Cause it was a part of me growing up. I didn’t know anything else, so I believed him. But part of me still kept wondering why .”

Kisaragi nodded in sympathy. “Do you think you’d feel better if you understood heat?”

Shinichi looked up at Kisaragi, fearful.

She held her hands up as if to keep their options open on the table. “I’m not saying I’ll have all the answers you want, or if you’ll even like them, but if you were scared because you didn’t understand things about heat, why everything was happening, do you think understanding would help you not be so afraid?”

Shinichi shrugged, unsure. “I don’t know. I … I don’t want to be afraid of … myself. But understanding might make me feel worse.”

Being scared also made him feel pitiful. It must be like being afraid of his own shadow. It was a part of his body now, and he was so terrified of it, it would send him headfirst into a panic attack. How pathetic. 

“Well, we’ll never know unless we try,” said Kisaragi, clicking her pen and writing the word ‘heat’ with a big circle around it. 

“Personally, I find that answers can give me clarity. For example, I used to be afraid of dogs.”

“Dogs?” Shinichi repeated, wondering what this had to do with anything.

“I used to run at the sight of them, because I was bitten by one when I was a pup. I didn’t know why the dog bit me, so I thought all dogs were scary, and could bite me without warning.” Kisaragi explained. She rolled up her sleeve and showed off her arm, where the faintest signs of a long ago bite mark could be seen.

“Then, I met my husband, and he had a dog. Pets are family members, so I didn’t want him to choose between me and his beloved pet if we were going to get married in the future. Now, I was terrified. But eventually, my husband taught me a bit more about dogs. He told me about different reasons why a dog might bite someone,” she explained, lowering her sleeve again. 

“A dog doesn’t bite without reason. And when I learnt those reasons, I understood dogs a little bit better, and it wasn’t so scary to have one in the house. Dogs mostly bite because they feel threatened. They might feel threatened for a lot of reasons; because a stranger is approaching them, because they feel unsafe, if it’s in pain, if the dog doesn’t have enough space, because they were startled. Or they might bite because they’re guarding something. They might bite if they feel frustrated. Sometimes, like the time I was bitten, a dog can bite because it never learned to play properly.”

Shinichi blinked uncomprehendingly. “Play?”

Kisaragi nodded. “Dogs play with each other by play fighting. If a dog grows up alone, it doesn’t have a playmate to tell it ‘ouch! That hurts, don’t bite so hard’ when they’re playing. So, sometimes when a dog grows up alone, it doesn’t know that play biting too hard hurts people. You have to teach a dog that biting hurts, then they won’t bite so hard when playing.”

Kisaragi smiled sadly. “The dog that bit me was only a pup when it happened. But it was put down so it wouldn’t be a danger to other people. It’s not fair, that because of one mistake because its owner never taught it to play properly that the dog had to die. I used to think it was good such an evil dog was destroyed. But, now I feel sad. The dog that bit me probably didn’t mean it, it wasn’t being mean or snarly but was just a pup itself, untrained to understand that biting hurts people. it didn’t seem so scary anymore. It just needed someone to teach it to be gentle, but now it’s gone.” 

Kisaragi tapped her pen on her notebook. “That’s not to say all dogs are safe, of course, but I’m a lot less afraid of them now then I was before. So, it might help you to not be so afraid of your heats if you understood them a little better.”

Shinichi cautiously picked at the scar under his shirt as he contemplated her proposal. He’d at least try. He told his mother he’d try to get better. Being afraid of a part of himself that he had no way of getting rid of was no way to live. So he nodded.

For the rest of the session, Kisaragi explained to him in embarrassing detached mechanical detail how and why omegas went into heat. His therapy session became an in-depth sex-ed class as she had brought in educational videos for highschoolers that explained how the body has a lot of nerves in sensitive places so they’d feel good during sex, or people wouldn’t want to do it as much. But she made sure to explain that even if something felt good, if Shinichi didn’t want it, it didn’t automatically make it good. His consent still mattered, even if his physical body was reacting to nonconsensual stimulation. She explained how the brain fog he had been experiencing was brought about by hormones saturating his brain and slowing his neurons to make him want to nest. She explained how the brain releases happy endorphins during sex, so it wasn’t that unusual that his brain fog would make it feel good and desire more. How the brain fog, especially when elevated artificially by chemical intervention, would make all sorts of happy endorphins when his heat was sated by sex. It didn’t mean he was broken, or wrong for hating it while feeling good when he was in heat. They went into the omegan biology and how his slick glands also had concentrated nerves that were stimulated by heat hormones. They went into the mechanics of sex, and how his channel had nerves in key places where the knot locked up to make it feel good, and how heat told his body to react to sex.

It didn’t really make him feel much better, knowing that his body was capable of physically feeling good in so many various ways without his permission in heat and it was somehow perfectly normal. But Kisaragi was right that it made heat seem a little less scary now. It was a little less unknowable. Less confusing. He could logically deconstruct it, unpack it in his mind, and separate out physically feeling good from actually feeling good in his tangled up memories of that first experience. He didn’t feel like so much of a freak for liking how it quelled the heat the first time Alpha came inside him, because it was just nerve stimulation, and that was normal; heat made his nerves more sensitive. That’s why his skin would itch. Huh, every heat symptom had a cause, and now that he knew the cause, the symptoms were treatable. Maybe there was something to Kisaragi’s theory after all.

“I can’t promise understanding will make all the nightmares go away, but let me know the next time you have a nightmare. Maybe it won’t be so bad.”

“Maybe,” Shinichi replied, deep in thought and getting ready to go home. Heat was a lot less foreign and alien to him now, and he’d have to look up a lot more things on his own that Kisaragi hadn’t gotten the chance to cover. She provided him with a lot of resources to look into, and encouraged him to do his own research. Though, she did tell him to be careful of what he looked up and advised him to keep his searches to physical books in the library, as he’d mostly just find erotic materials on the internet. 

“Same time next week?”

“Sure, I’ll see you later, Kisaragi-san.”

“Goodbye, Kudou-kun.”

Shinichi stood on the bottom step, working himself up now that he’s been managing himself pretty well for a few weeks now. He hadn’t been freaking out as much, no longer seeing shadows jump at him from the dark. He’d been doing well looking after Conan, taking him out to play on the grass under Yukiko’s watchful eyes. Conan was pretty useless, only able to lay out in the sun, but he liked watching Shinichi roll pretty multicoloured foam soccer balls at him. Shinichi had actually gotten some of his old confidence back, since using the corset his ribs had been realigned to more or less their old shape and the hormone shots had worked, shrinking his chest flat. Though, the shape was still a little different to his original chest. It had given him hope the rest of him could go back to relative normalcy too, since he was working on building up his bone mass again with an altered diet. But returning to normalcy wasn’t just physical, they had to work on other parts too, and he was ready for this. 

“I wanna go with you on your next case.”

Yusaku looked up from his desk to see his son standing with his chin held high, trying his best to look as tall as he could. He hesitantly looked at the file he had been reading, wondering if it was too late to call Megure and ask him to consult someone else.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Shinichi …”

“Please?” Shinichi added. “It’s been ages since I’ve seen you work. I liked seeing you work. And it’ll be like practice, for school.”

“What’s wrong with going to school first before coming along to one of my cases?”

Shinichi swallowed and scuffed his foot into the ground. “‘Cause the other kids are probably gonna still look at me like I’m a freak. I’ll probably be the only presented kid in the class. I’d be singled out. At one of your cases, I’ve always just been your kid. Presented or not, I’ll still just be your kid, and no one will look at me funny for it.”

Yusaku frowned, but Shinichi did have a point. It would be dangerous to take him to a case, of course, it always was, but no one in their right mind would bully a child in public while police officers were on the scene. It would be good exposure to the public again to work his way into going back to classes.

“What about Conan?” Yusaku asked as a last resort, Shinichi would never leave Conan.

“Ka-san took him out to get his shots and brag to her friends,” Shinichi said, rolling his eyes and remembering the squawked hen phone calls. 

‘Yukikoooo, how could you not tell me you were going to have another baby, I thought we were friends! We have to hold a baby shower. Ohmygod I’m going to buy him so many little clothes!’

He had wanted to go with them and soothe Conan after he got his shots, but Yukiko had shooed him off, telling him to go bond with his father instead. It was probably for the best, as he’d just be left to sit awkwardly in the corner while all his mum’s friends fawned over Conan, unable to look after him. 

Yusaku hummed in thought, taking into account Shinichi’s determined eyes. He wanted his son to get better as soon as possible, of course. But taking him to a crime scene carried very serious and unpredictable risks.

“If I bring you, promise me you’re not going to leave my sight. Don’t bother the police officers, and don’t talk to strangers, especially if you think you’ve worked out who the culprit is, okay?”

Shinichi perked up immediately, ecstatic at the chance to see his dad at work again. “‘Kay, I promise, to-san!” 

Solving mysteries excited Shinichi like nothing else. Reading about it was all well and good, but there was nothing quite like helping people in need only using the power of deduction. Once he’d caught whiff of a clue, Shinichi couldn’t let go the lead. It would itch and scratch and scrabble at his brain until he solved the mystery. He wasn’t as good as his dad at it yet, but that’s why Shinichi loved accompanying him to crime scenes to watch his dad at work. Since being kidnapped, Shinichi felt mentally a little slower as of late, and it would be good to get his brain engaged and firing on all cylinders feeling like his old self again. 

Yusaku was happy to see how much Shinichi cheered up when they reached the crime scene. He was getting better, but there was still a little despondence and lacklustre to him at home, even though he tried to hide it. He busied himself most days helping Yukiko look after Conan and teaching him how to speak. Sure, Shinichi was all too happy to play with Conan, but that was part of his newfound role as big brother and part caretaker. It was a breath of fresh air to see Shinichi only worried about entertaining himself trying to solve the crime before his father again where for a moment, he wasn’t a big brother, or an omega, but just Shinichi. Hot on the case as he tried to figure out the culprit. 

“Dad, dad, I think I know how the culprit hid the murder weapon!”

Yusaku tutted and tapped the side of his nose. “Now, now, don’t spoil it for the good inspector, Shinichi. Let your dad handle it.”

Shinichi pouted but let his father steal his thunder as Megure consulted Yusaku for the case.

Yusaku couldn’t help but smile to himself. It seemed this was probably just the boost of confidence Shinichi needed to start really smiling again. He started to feel like his son would actually be okay.

Chapter Text

Shinichi's Age: 10.5

“Your dad’s Yusaku Kudou, the detective novelist, right?”

Shinichi looked up from his lunch. He had rejoined school for a few months now, slotting neatly if a bit reluctantly into Ran’s new friend group as Sonoko groused about him ruining their ‘girl table,’ and Sera had scolded her to be nicer. He couldn’t spend all his time after being kidnapped holed up at home hidden away from the world being privately tutored. He had to rejoin society at some point if he and Conan wanted to return to normal life. That was what the Lie was there for after all, to let them return to regular society. 

In front of him stood a dark skinned boy his age in a brand new school uniform with a too large cap drooping down his head. Shinichi hadn’t seen this kid in school before, not even in passing. Maybe he was a new student. The boy spoke with a strong Osakan accent and looked standoffish.

“Yeah, why?” Shinichi asked, wondering if today was the day some kid was going to have a problem with him being the only presented kid in his class. His presented status had singled him out as strange, but not as strange as he would have otherwise been perceived if anybody knew the truth. 

Instead, the kid looked about ready to blow a gasket. “I challenge you to a detective off!” He yelled.

Shinichi slowly blinked, not quite comprehending. “Huh?”

The kid jammed a thumb into his chest proudly. “My dad’s head of the Osaka prefecture police force. My dad heard that your dad is a pretty good detective, so I bet you must be pretty good too. My mom and I only just moved here, so let’s find out who’s the best! Let’s see who can solve the most crimes this week!”

Shinichi frowned in confusion at the kid’s absurd suggestion. “Why would I do that? Does it matter who solves more crimes so long as justice is served?”

“Because I wanna prove I’m the best!” The kid yelled, stomping his foot. “My name’s Hattori Heiji, I’m gonna become the greatest detective in the west, and don’t you forget it!”

Shinichi lightly bowed his head, acknowledging the other kid’s introduction. “I’m Kudou Shinichi, it’s nice to meet you.”

Heiji rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I already know who you are. People are already saying you’re going to be the greatest detective in the east. So let’s go! East vs West, let’s see who’s better!”

The kid seemed a little hot-blooded, and the competition intrigued him. Shinichi never liked to turn down a challenge, but-

“I can’t, I’m looking after my little brother after school.”

Heiji’s face fell, morphing into an expression of confusion. “Huh? You have a little brother? I didn’t hear about that. Since when?”

“Since like, six months ago.”

“Oh,” Heiji rolled his eyes. “Then he’s just a little baby. Shouldn’t your mom be looking after him then? You can still investigate.”

“I’m not looking after him myself, idiot,” Shinichi chided. “But it's a lot of hard work for ka-san right now with to-san working on a case, so I promised her I’d help out.”

“Oh, I see,” said Heiji, pouting. “But I mean, she can’t need your help every day, right? Can we see who’s better on the weekend?” He asked hopefully.

“There are more important things than a dumb competition, Hattori.”

“Then, that automatically makes me the best, right? Lame. I thought the upcoming greatest detective from the east would put up more of a fight.”

Shinichi rolled his eyes. “In your dreams. Fine, I’ll take you on during the weekend.”

Heiji’s smile solidified. “You’re on, Kudou. May the best detective win!”

When all the real school mysteries dried up between the both of them and their detective off devolved into solving cases for missing laundry, they decided to call it a draw and became fast friends.

Heiji was weird. Shinichi hadn’t known if he’d be able to make new friends of his own since coming back to school. Sonoko and Sera were Ran’s friends first after all, but this time he made a new friend all on his own. That was something normal kids do. He was getting back to normal, even if he was still the only presented kid in class. 

Shinichi's Age: 11

Shinichi was fidgeting nervously at his desk. The time had come a year later for their first class on designations. 

Conan was now a year old, nobody suspected he was anything but Shinichi’s brother, and everything was going as planned. Conan’s first birthday was made a happy time. No one wanted to remind Shinichi of the bad parts that came with the time leading up to the anniversary of Conan’s birth. He had seen Kisaragi about that too. The confusing mix of emotions of celebration and grief that came with it. She had told him to focus on Conan’s birthday, because he’d be sensitive to the fact that while everyone was trying to celebrate, his older brother was acting all sad and mopey. He could always leave room afterwards to be sad if he wanted to. So Shinichi did that. He pretended the only thing special about the date was the celebration of Conan’s life, laughed and played with the pup. And when he’d had enough, he let himself sit quietly in his room thinking about the events from Before. His parents offered to join him, but Shinichi turned them away. Afterwards, Shinichi came back to play ‘Happy Birthday’ on his violin as they served fruity greek yoghurt, since Conan couldn’t have too much sugar yet. Conan watched with big round eyes when Shinichi played, watching his bowing movements and mimicking them with his pudgy little arms. Noticing his interest, Shinichi guided Conan’s squishy, bean-boned hands to rest on the strings, using his tiny fingers to pluck a bright sound that made Conan’s eyes widen even further. They probably still had a half size violin sitting in the attic somewhere from when Shinichi started learning. Though, Conan was definitely a few years out from that. He could entertain himself by plucking at the strings and not chewing on Shinichi’s bow in the meantime.

For the designation class, they had separated the girls and boys into different classrooms to talk about the designation changes between each sex. Ran, Sonoko and Sera were in the neighbouring classroom while Heiji and Shinichi were still in their old room. A lot of kids laughed at the uncomfortable subject matter, giggling at how embarrassing it was to talk about penises, vaginas, slick and knots while sensei exasperatedly tried to get the class of rambunctious boys to focus on the lesson without being too uncomfortable.

“It sounds gross,” said Heiji, sitting cross-legged on his chair and pinching his nose. He turned his wide eyes to Shinichi. “Hey, you’re presented already, aren’t’cha, Kudou?”

“Yeah, what about it?” Asked Shinichi, a little defensive. He was used to being singled out in class for being the only presented eleven-year-old kid in class. Still, it was better than being singled out for the secret things he could never tell anyone about. The other kids would be presenting soon in theory, so he wouldn’t have to worry about standing out for much longer.

“Is it true? Do you really get all wet down there? What’s it like?”

“W-what? You can’t just ask people things like that, Hattori!” Shinichi said, glowing bright red in the face. Sometimes, he forgot his Osakan friend really had zero subtlety. 

“Aw, c’mon Kudou. Yeah, you probably wouldn’t want to talk about it to like, Nakamichi. But you can totally tell me. I’m your best friend, right?”

“Hattori!” Shinichi protested, covering his ears with his palms and pretending not to hear him. “I am so not talking about this with you!”

“Come on, you should totally tell me!” said Heiji. He scratched his nose absently as if they were merely gossipping about the weather. “What if I end up an omega like you, huh? I wanna make sure I know all about it in advance. So c’mon, share.”

“You’re being mean,” Shinichi complained, stealing self-conscious glances at their peers and making sure no one was overhearing their scandalous conversation. “You’ve probably got plenty of time before you present. And there’s no guarantee you’re going to end up an omega like me. So stick your nose out and bother someone else.”

Heiji looked offended but relented, dropping the subject matter. “Fine. But if I end up an omega and think I’m dying because my best friend didn’t tell me what happens when you present, I’m going to blame you.”

Shinichi stuck out his tongue childishly at Heiji, who only pulled an equally childish expression in return. 

“Anyway, I wonder how everyone else is going to present. Like Ran-chan, Kazuha, and the others,” Heiji wondered aloud. Kazuha had followed Heiji’s transfer to their school not long after, sick and tired of him ranting about ‘that Kudou girl’ for months and coming over to size up the situation herself. Luckily, she had fit right in and quickly joined their friend group without conflict after the situation was cleared up. 

“Ran-chan’s pretty strong, do you think she’ll end up an alpha?”

“Why would it matter to you?” Shinichi asked, scoffing. “It’s not like we’re old enough to really care about these sorts of things yet.”

Not unless you present early, like I did. Shinichi thought to himself bitterly.

“No, I guess not. We’re too young for that sort of stuff. But it’s best to be prepared, y’know?” said Heiji, leaning back on his chair. “Wouldn’t your parents want you to be ready, whatever you present as?

“My parents did try, yeah. They got me DNA tested,” Shinichi admitted. “But it didn’t matter in the end, cause it caught me by surprise before they could tell me.”

“Hmmm,” Heiji looked at his class notes, seemingly deep in thought.

“My mom didn’t get me tested. Says she wants to find out the old fashioned way.”

Shinichi rolled his eyes. “Yeah, a lot of parents don’t bother, cause they don’t care what their kids present as anyway. It’s not a big deal.”

Heiji hummed, still thinking. “Say, Kudou. If I presented as an alpha, would you hate it?”

“Huh?” Shinichi asked, pulling a face. “No. Why would I hate that?”

Maybe last year Shinichi would’ve had some reservations at first, but Alpha’s designation had nothing to do with him being a criminal. Several of the Facility members and clients were betas and older omegas. The cult-like derogatory beliefs that Alpha adhered to only reflected his own delusions of superiority. Shinichi’s father was an Alpha. Ran’s mother was an Alpha. He didn’t feel very strongly one way or another to other people’s designations.

“Nothing, I was just asking,” said Heiji, though he now looked quite pleased with himself. “Good to know.”

He left to go hand in his worksheet labelling various parts of secondary sex anatomy, leaving Shinichi bewildered at their table.

Shinichi's Age: 13

A few years later and after changing to Junior high school, their designation education had turned into full on sex ed.

Heiji had presented as an alpha, which if you asked Shinichi, was incredibly predictable given the boy’s hot-blooded predisposition. Ran and Kazuha had both presented as betas, and Sonoko had presented as omega, while Sera was an alpha. 

Sex Ed class was predictably crude and unpopular among the students, with alphas and boys making crude jokes and women, betas and omegas scared off of sex until college with all the talk about pregnancy and STIs. 

It was all stuff Kisaragi had already gone over with him before, not to mention Shinichi had also looked into the matter himself to read up on anything Kisaragi hadn’t told him, so he often found himself nodding off and not paying attention in the class while boys around him started talking about which girls or compatible designations they were interested in. 

Today’s class featured their sensei teaching them how to put on a condom using a banana as a model phallus. Sera had somehow managed to destroy her banana in the process, striking fear into several boys watching the whole affair while Shinichi and Heiji’s completed wrapped phallus substitute project lay forgotten on their desks. Shinichi was catching up on some well deserved extra sleep, unable to stave off his narcolepsy as Heiji entertained himself balancing a pencil tower. Then, as usual without any tact, Heiji spoke up out of the blue. 

“Say, Kudou. Have you ever had sex?”

“What?!” Shinichi baulked, snapping to complete wakefulness in an instant at the topic.

Ever since he had started school again, there was this invisible barrier between himself and the other children. The invisible divide that could never be breached because Shinichi’s experienced something no other kid in class has, thankfully. He’d always be different from the rest of them, even if they couldn’t see it. A secret shame so deep, masked by his still-growing, gangly teen features. And now Hattori was unknowingly threatening to paint the glass walls singling him out bright fucking neon red for anyone to see.

Heiji merely shrugged nonchalantly. “We’re at that age now. Almost everyone in class has presented. So, sex. Have you ever had it? Ever thought of having it?”

Shinichi’s brain scrambled for an acceptable answer. He definitely couldn’t say yes, they were only thirteen. While consensus showed that around one in thirteen boys had sex by the time they were thirteen, public propriety dictated they were much too young to be experimenting with sex yet. But he felt like if he said no, Heiji was smart enough and familiar with his tells to deduce Shinichi was lying. Kisaragi said rape wasn’t the same as sex. So, did it really even count anyway? Of course it did. What Heiji literally meant was whether Shinichi’s had intercourse at all, context being irrelevant. He should answer, he was running out of time fast, and if he took too long to answer, Heiji would assum-

“Oh my god, you totally have. You sly dog!” Heiji exclaimed, a huge excited smile on his face and clapping Shinichi on the back in congratulations. “Why didn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend, I thought we told each other everything!”

Shinichi yelped at the abrupt shove forward. “No, no I haven’t!” he lied, shaking his head while a warm blush no doubt worked its way down his neck.

“Sure, sure,” Heiji waved his objections off, completely engrossed in getting all the juicy details now. “You can’t fool me, Kudou. Tell me, what was it like? Was it good? Did you like it? Did you use protection? Who was the lucky girl? Was it Ran-chan? Oh my god, I can’t believe you had sex with Mouri before we’re even sixteen. I thought you were less of a dog than that.”

“Hattori, shut up!” Shinichi hissed, wincing and looking around in case anyone overheard his very loud, very indiscreet friend. “I didn’t have sex with Ran!”

“Who had sex with Ran?” Sera asked, a dark gleam in her eye after having returned from her voyage of cleaning mashed banana guts off the floor and receiving a thorough scolding from sensei for making a mess. 

“Nobody had sex with Ran!” Shinichi corrected her, hot in the face.

“I mean a beta and an omega isn’t that unusual. Who did who? Or did you do each other?”

“Hattori, if you don’t shut up, I swear to god I will end you myself and no one will find the body .”

“Wait, why are we talking about sex with Ran?” Sera questioned.

"Sex with Ran? Ew, why are you guys talking about that?" asked Kazuha, having followed Sera. 

“Who’s talking about sex with Ran, you mongrels!?” asked Sonoko, also overhearing their conversation.

“Oh my god, ” Shinichi groaned, burying his face in his hands as everything spiralled out of control. "Kill me now.”

Did anybody else want to invite themselves into this previously private mortifying conversation? Perhaps Sonoko's uncle's dog?

“Shinichi, what kind of rumours do you think you’re spreading?” Ran thundered in a falsely sweet, saccharine tone, a thundering storm cloud practically generating around her in an aura of blistering anger. Because of course Ran came over to their table when Sonoko and Kazuha did, they were practically attached at the hip.

“Oh, hey Ran-chan. Kudou’s had sex, and I’m trying to figure out who’s the lucky girl since my best friend decided not to tell me,” Heiji explained, carefully examining her reaction and growing confused when she didn’t seem to get embarrassed the same way as Shinichi like they were both caught red-handed in the act. 

“So, I guess it’s really not you? Huh. Then, who did Kudou have sex with? Don’t tell me it was with a prostitute.”

“I haven’t had sex!” Shinichi denied, completely red in the face. “Oh my god, Hattori, I am never speaking to you again if you don’t shut up right this instant. ”

Was he protesting too much? Was he not protesting enough? Could they tell, now that they were looking for it? How could he get them all to believe him? 

“Huh? You really haven’t?” Heiji’s face fell, all warm traces of teasing leaving his face and replaced with a look of confusion. “Then, why’d you hesitate so long when I asked?”

"Heiji, stop being mean. Kudou-kun doesn't have to tell you," Kazuha turned to Shinichi. "You don't have to tell him."

But if he didn't say anything, Heiji would get suspicious. He's too good at that. He had to answer.

“Because it’s embarrassing!” Shinichi exclaimed, hiding his face behind his book as more and more students looked over at their table as the source of the commotion. His mind raced a mile a minute with a suitable response that might get Heiji and his friends off his back and off this particular topic as quickly as possible before things started to get suspicious. Conan was still three and did not need this kind of drama right as he was learning to talk in complete sentences. 

“Being a virgin is embarrassing! There’s no need to point it out for me, thanks!” Shinichi pulled his hand over his face.

“Jeez Hattori, first you jump to conclusions with the culprit on that case with Hakuba, and now you go jumping to conclusions just because I took too long to answer your stupid question. Stop jumping ahead like Hakuba said, and think for just a second what’s more likely; that I’ve had sex already at age thirteen, or that I took too long to answer your stupid question because I was really embarrassed?”

Heiji’s face instantly soured, switching gears from puzzling out Shinichi’s supposed sexual partner to instead complaining about the pretentious – admittedly slightly snooty – other highschool detective they’d met since starting junior year at their last detective-off. He’d gotten weirdly jealous and stand-offish when Shinichi and Hakuba had gotten along quite well, often interjecting himself into the conversation and making a scene whenever Hakuba tried showing off his detective skills in front of Shinichi, trying to show him up.

“Hey! No fair. Don’t bring that up. You know I can’t stand the mention of that Hakuba asshole. I only jumped to conclusions on that case because Hakuba was pissing me off and calling me slow!”

Sera laughed as Heiji looked affronted at the mere mention of the half-Briton. She came over and petted her hand comfortingly on Shinichi’s hackled shoulders while Kazuha told Heiji off.

“Awww, Kudou-kun. It’s not a big deal if you’re still a virgin, I’m still a virgin," said Sera, pointing a finger back at herself. "We’re all thirteen, so it’s still pretty early to even be thinking about that sort of thing. You don’t need to be embarrassed. It’d be pretty irresponsible to screw around before we knew what we were doing, y’know?”

Shinichi set his teeth uncomfortably tight, gripping his pencil a little harder than necessary and commanding his pulse to stay steady so that Sera didn’t notice any abnormalities. 

“Yeah, exactly.”

Irresponsible. It didn’t happen that way. She didn’t mean it like that. Sera wouldn’t say something like that if she knew-

“Plus, I mean come on, this is Kudou-kun we’re talking about. He’s so antisocial and arrogant, it’d be a miracle if he got a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend, I don’t judge,” Sera said as she shrugged at Shinichi with a cheeky wink, taking her hand back and putting it over Ran’s shoulders instead. 

“T-that’s right, Hattori-kun! Err, no offence, Shinichi,” Ran said, turning to Shinichi in apology for the indirect dissing of his ability to land a date before continuing her point.

“This is Shinichi. He wouldn’t do something like that. He’s too responsible and busy looking after Conan to probably even think about having sex at his age. And, you’re his best friend. I think if Shinichi was going to tell someone if he was interested in anyone, you and I’d be on top of the list of people he’d confide in, Hattori-kun.”

Thankfully, Heiji was easily pleased when being reminded he was Shinichi’s official best friend and played right into Ran’s flattery. He gave a thoughtful hum of understanding. “Huh, yeah that’s true, I guess.”

Sonoko laughed as you could practically see the gears turning in Heiji’s head as he bought the excuse. “Okay, that’s enough boring talk about Detective Geek’s secret love life, I thought we would talk about something interesting.” 

She turned to face the other girls, raising her eyebrows suggestively. “So, Sera. Have you thought about having sex with Ran?”

Their conversation devolved as Kazuha snorted, Sera went bright red and Ran got overly fed up with her best friend shipping her with everyone who showed a mild interest in her and how they were still far, far too young for that kind of thing!

Shinichi sank back down in his seat, trying to look to all the world like any other embarrassed virgin teenager who just had said virginity publicly pointed out to him. Irresponsible. He doesn't think Sera would've still thought he had been 'screwing around' if she knew. But what if she did? What if she did mean it like that? It was best not to think about it. Pretend he was still just being embarrassed. He’d almost convinced himself nobody cared anymore, when a shadow passed over him and he found Heiji leaning over his desk.

“Hey, Kudou. I’m sorry for bringing up your virginity if it really made you feel uncomfortable.” Heiji tactfully pulled his chair over to sit closer next to Shinichi and whispered for a change.

“There’s no need to be embarrassed about being a virgin. I’m one too. There’s no shame if you’re a virgin until you’re like, thirty or something, I was just asking.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get that,” Shinichi answered, giving a small smile in return. “Apology accepted.”

Because how else was he supposed to respond to that? He could never tell his friends the truth. He could tell no one. No one could know Shinichi Kudou wasn’t a virgin at thirteen.

Heiji sighed, laying his head on his arms as he looked like he was trying to work out an indecipherable puzzle. His mind was naturally still buzzing with constant curiosity, with only Shinichi typically able to keep up with his train of thought.

“Still, all those shows for older kids talk about sex all the time and how good it is. I wonder, is it as important as TV says? I wonder, what is sex actually like? ”

‘Traumatizing. 0/10. Too many sensitive moving parts, would not recommend. Use lube, ’ Shinichi half-wanted to respond, if doing so wouldn’t undoubtedly also out the Forbidden Truth. 

The invisible barrier that separated Shinichi from the other kids in his class remained intact, seemingly more infinitely isolating than ever before. Shinichi never got to ask questions or be curious about sex like his friends. He was given the answers too soon.

He turned away from Heiji so the alpha wouldn’t see the disconnect between Shinichi’s voice and his carefully schooled impassive face, pretending to hum in his own piqued curiosity and interest.

Maybe it does feel better with someone who actually didn’t want to hurt him. Maybe it does feel better with someone who didn’t just do it for their own selfish pleasure or as a means to a biologically driven end. Maybe it does feel better when he was actually big enough to fit another person’s sex inside without anything ripping. But Shinichi wasn’t about to try finding out anytime soon. Too many bad memories were associated with the experience for him to entertain the idea of describing sex as anything different. He didn’t want to think about how it might feel closer to those shivery-good sensations that made a guilty pit in his stomach for liking it when Alpha played with him.

“I guess we’ll find out someday.”

Chapter Text

Shinichi's Age: 14

“Conan, no. that’s mine!” Too late to stop him, Shinichi watched helplessly as Conan stole a large spoonful of expresso infused cream that had previously topped Shinichi’s ice cream and gleefully stuffed his face with it.

Expecting the toddler to spit out the bitter flavouring in favour of a sweeter profile, Shinichi was surprised to see Conan’s face split into a bigger smile as he grabbed at Shinichi’s cone.

“Niichan, I want more!”

Shinichi was forced to half-clamber out of his seat, holding the frozen desert high out of the pup’s questing reach. 

“No, this isn’t good for you Conan. Don’t you want more of your lemon pie?” Shinichi asked exasperatedly, pointing at the forgotten plate on Conan’s side of the table.

Conan shook his head furiously, his face pinking with petulance. His eyes were laser focused on Shinichi’s hand like he could telekinetically force his older brother to share. “Nah-uh! I like what you’re having!”

Ran giggled into her own raspberry flavoured sundae. Conan’s antics often brought out the caring, cuter side of Shinichi, breaking his cool, arrogant outward demeanor. It made him a lot more fun to hang around with and stopped him from being totally antisocial. Ever since she had first met him, Shinichi always liked to act older, more mature than he really was. He taught himself to read all these grown up books and acted like he was just as smart as all the adults when they were still in preschool, isolating himself from the other kids. It was nice seeing a mini version of Shinichi capable of bringing out that inner kid whenever the Kudou siblings started squabbling with each other.

“Aw Shinichi, you can’t get too mad. Kids like to copy their older siblings.”

Shinichi looked personally offended like he was about to protest that yes, he in fact can get that mad when somebody messed with his coffee flavoured ice cream. 

“Well, he’s not having any of my ice cream. I don’t want pup drool getting all over it,” Sonoko complained, protectively shielding her own peach sherbet parfait. “I don’t care how cute you are, squirt. Thieves get the Suzuki Forehead Flick treatment if they steal from the Suzuki family!”

They had gone out for ice cream to celebrate finishing their end of year exams. Of course, on the way Shinichi had made a quick detour to pick up Conan from kindergarten. He had a cute little yellow bucket hat and a tulip flower badge pinned to his sage green peacoat to match his green boots. The caretakers had all cooed and praised Shinichi for already being a responsible older brother at such a young age, and how lucky Conan was to have a brother like him. While most pups at the kindergarten had their parents collect them, Shinichi coming in place of Yukiko was a commonplace occurrence. The kindergarten had acknowledged early on that Yukiko might cause too much of a commotion if she was spotted as a famous actress and disrupt the other parents picking up their children.

“I like that flavour!” Conan declared. “It’s my new favourite. What’s it called?”

“Huh?” Shinichi asked, wondering if his bad habits of sneaking his dad’s coffee when he was smaller had somehow rubbed off on Conan. “You liked it? Wouldn’t you like something like chocolate instead?”

“Nope. That stuff is really sweet,” said Conan, licking his lips and still eyeing Shinichi’s cone curiously.

Flashes of child nutrition books all flashed through Shinichi’s mind in an instant, all reiterating the same warnings: Do NOT give young pups coffee.

Ran provided a copy of the menu for Conan to read. He’d been picking up reading and writing pretty quickly so he could work up to reading books on his own. He’d been completely smitten by the collection of mystery novels and manga Shinichi had been accumulating since he was that age, and started getting impatient when Shinichi would ‘read too slowly’ as Conan wanted him to hurry up and get to the culprit already, wanting to compare notes and deductions. 

“Look Conan, you ordered number eleven, lemon pie. I ordered number fourteen, Sonoko has number one, and Shinichi ordered number eight!”

Conan looked at the corresponding items on the menu, sounding out the words as he read the names aloud. “Ra-sp-ber-ry sun-dae, pea-ch par-fait, cof-fee ice cr-eam cone. So, Shinichi-niichan ordered coffee ice cream?”

“Yes, and it’s for older kids, not little runts like you,” Shinichi admonished, playfully ruffling Conan’s hair.

“Aren’t you still a bit young to be drinking coffee?” Sonoko asked slyly, smirking at the older Kudou’s hypocrisy.

“I’m fourteen, I’m old enough to have coffee!” Shinichi insisted.

“And that’s why Hattori-kun and Sera-chan are going to grow up taller than you when we’re older. Just you wait.” 

“Shut up,” Shinichi complained, kicking Sonoko’s chair lightly. “They’re both alphas. Plus, Hattori practices kendo and Sera does jeet kune do.”

“And you’d still be on the soccer team if you didn’t quit, what’s your point?” Sonoko asked.

Shinichi grimaced, thinking back to his last impact fracture during training. He was about ninety percent physically recovered from his osteoporosis, and had been pretty lucky so far in not getting very injured. But he’d pushed himself too far, kicked the ball too hard and a splitting pain had shattered up his dominant leg. His doctors told him to just be patient, but it meant he had to quit the soccer team in the meantime until the osteoporosis completely got better. If ever.

Today, their friend group was a little smaller, with Heiji and Kazuha having gone back to Osaka for the holidays while Sera had a prior commitment learning to play guitar with her brother. It reminded Shinichi of his earlier school days before Heiji, Kazuha and Sera had come crashing into their lives. He’d always been a bit short on friends back before, but now found himself with a decent enough handful that half of them could be away and he’d still be able to hang out with more than just Ran.

Since starting kindergarten, Conan was picking up all sorts of habits emulating his older brother. He’d learnt the basics to kicking a soccer ball, his enthusiasm making up for his lack of experience. When they let him pick out his own clothes at the mall, he’d chosen everything in the same colour family that Shinichi had been wearing. His apparent enthusiasm for the coffee flavour didn’t seem fake either, as Conan was still a bit too young to lie convincingly. He wasn’t badly hiding a grimace or spitting out the cream behind his hand, Conan genuinely had a taste for the bitter aromatic flavour. They had to buy Conan new glasses last week, his tiny pup face growing out of his goofy toddler proof pair that were resistant to the abuse children could inflict on the otherwise fragile lenses. He had picked out a thick, oversized pair that were similar to Yusaku’s reading glasses. The store clerk told them the glasses were too big to be proportional to Conan’s face, but he’d probably grow into them soon so it was okay.

“How many times do I have to tell you? I quit the soccer club because when I get wrapped up in a case, I don’t have time for all that practice.”

“Most teenage boys don’t wander face first into crime scenes.”

“I don’t ask people to die around me.”

“And yet, you can’t help getting more excited than a pup in an ice cream parlour when it happens,” Sonoko said exasperatedly, eating another spoonful of her own dessert. “Have you ever thought about how traumatizing it must be for Conan-kun to bring him to so many crime scenes?”

“I followed my dad all the time, and I turned out fine.”

“Oh yeah, we can see that, Mr. Narcolepsy.”

Shinichi made a face while his two friends laughed at his expense, both of them aware he was seeing a therapist for his sleeping disorder. Of course, they didn’t know he was seeing Kisaragi for other reasons than just his narcolepsy, only that some weekends he wasn’t available to hang out with due to his appointments. They didn’t know he had a whole laundry list of official reasons he was seeing Kisaragi that weren’t related to his exposure to his early crime scenes. At least, she didn’t source any of his problems to said early exposure to crime scenes. 

“Shinichi, even if it didn’t bother Conan, I think you have to at least admit it’s not exactly okay,” Ran pointed out. “Pups are sensitive to violence and need a sense of security.”

He scoffed at his friends, they were both over-exaggerating, surely. “Why don’t we ask Conan what he thinks? Right Co- Conan?”

The space next to Shinichi that Conan had been occupying now sat empty. Conan’s half-eaten slice of lemon pie sat unattended at the table, while the pup himself was nowhere to be seen. Shinichi looked around the parlour. Between one moment and the next, the pup had wandered off while they were too busy squabbling.

“Conan, where’d you go?” Shinichi called out, his heart momentarily jumping into his throat. He tried very hard to not instantly jump to the worst possible scenario. He and the others had only taken his eyes off the tiny pup for only a second, but now he couldn’t see Conan anywhere. When and where could he have slipped away?  Conan knew better than to wander off with strangers, and he knew not to wander into any mysteries without his big brother present in case things got dicey.

“Huh, weird. He was here like, a second ago. Maybe the brat went to the bathroom. Did you see him leave, Ran?”

“No, I didn’t,” replied Ran, scanning through the crowds in mild concern. “He’s a good kid though, he wouldn’t have left, right?”

There were people everywhere on the parlour floor in the after school rush, Shinichi could barely get a look in edgewise as students all milled about, lining up and looking to get their own share of post-exam sugar.

Shinichi tried to keep his breathing calm as he looked for traces of the errant pup. Did someone lure him away while they were busy talking? What if someone took him? A flurry of paranoid thoughts flooded his mind as he got up from their booth in search of his missing brother.

“Oi, don’t worry. I’m sure he’s just gone to ask for a glass of milk or something, don’t work yourself up over nothing. Honestly, you’re so paranoid about your kid brother,” Sonoko assured, taking the pup-free moment to relish her ice cream without needing to be on guard for having a sample stolen at an inopportune moment.

“Sonoko, I think it’s okay to be a little worried, Conan’s only four. I’ll help you look, Shinichi.”

“Thanks Ran, you take the front of the parlour, Sonoko you can stay here in case he comes back. I’ll check the back.”

When the girls nodded, Shinichi and Ran split off to their respective search areas while Sonoko sighed about how overdramatic they were both being but agreed to stay posted at their table. Shinichi peeked between the thick crowds and looked under the tables, listening for the pitter patter of tiny feet to no avail. 

“Conan, where are you?” he called out, trying not to cause a scene. “Sorry, excuse me. Have you seen a little kid come this way? About this tall, green coat, dark hair?”

The other patrons of the ice cream parlour shook their heads and looked at Shinichi in disdain as he thanked them for their time, apologised for inconveniencing them and squeezed between bodies making his way towards the rear end of the store. 

The kitchen was locked, requiring a staff pass key to access, so he doubted Conan had somehow snuck in there. Shinichi checked the cleaning closet and only found a teetering jenga tower of mops and buckets. The door to a small alleyway in the back only led to a dumpster, notably empty of any curious wandering pups, so that only left the bathrooms.

Unfortunately, he searched the open bathrooms top to bottom to no avail. Shinichi was about to panic and ask the staff at the counter to access their security footage, when the locked staff bathroom door opened and tiny Conan stepped out, chatting animatedly with a young, blonde male worker locking up the bathroom behind them.

“That’s sooooo cool, and it moves every day?”

“Even when I don’t want it to,” the worker replied, chuckling at the child’s antics.

“Conan, there you are!” Shinichi cried, running up to the now locked-up staff bathroom, stopping before them. “I was looking for you, what were you doing here?”

“Oh, is this your brother?” asked the blonde, bowing to Shinichi in apology. He was a tall, lanky youth who didn’t look much older than Shinichi. Maybe sixteen or seventeen, wearing an ill-fitting uniform and a nametag that read “Ohata.” His scent was a mild powdered sugar that reminded Shinichi of candyfloss identifying him as an omega. Although, that might have just been from him working the ice cream machines all day.

“Sorry if we worried you, he came up to the counters saying he couldn’t reach the hand driers in the men’s room. So, I took him into the staff bathroom where we have a disabled toilet with a more accessible one. I hope we didn’t trouble you too much.”

Shinichi returned the bow gratefully as he took Conan’s little outstretched hand, returning the pup to his side. “Not at all,” he lied, feeling his panicked heartbeat calm significantly now that the wandering boy was found. Conan was safe, no one untoward had stolen him. 

“He should have told me where he was going before he left the table.” Shinichi looked down at Conan with his best ‘you’re in so much trouble when mum hears about this, ‘ expression that had Conan wobbling his bottom lip.

“I’m sorry niichan, I just wanted to go by myself. Ka-san let me last time,” Conan said remorsefully, batting his big pup eyes, slightly amplified by the oversized lenses in his new glasses.

Shinichi narrowed his eyes suspiciously, wondering if Conan was entering the age where he was only pretending to be actually sorry. He’d always been cute, but Conan hadn’t been in the habit of using his cuteness to get out of trouble. Not yet anyway. 

“It’s fine, I’m not mad. You can use the bathroom by yourself, just let me know when you’re going so I don’t get worried like this time, okay?”

Conan’s mood instantly cheered at the gentle reassurance, further convincing Shinichi he was right and the pup was quickly turning into a master of emotional manipulation. “Okay, sounds good!”

He cheerily waved goodbye to the Ohata. “Bye Ohata-san, it was nice talking to you.”

Ohata chuckled at Shinichi’s suspicious expression, returning the wave and pitying the older Kudou for his handful of a younger brother. “Goodbye, Conan-kun! Don’t make too much trouble for your big brother, okay?”

Fortunately, Ran had finished her half of the search and had also returned to their table with Sonoko when Shinichi brought Conan back, and the three teens resumed eating their slightly more melted ice cream as Shinichi ordered Conan a small tub of chopped sundae nuts and a bottle of sparkling water to wash down all that sugar.

“I told you the brat just went to the bathroom,” Sonoko said haughtily, tapping her spoon on the lip of her parfait with the clink of delicate glass. “You and Ran got all worried for nothing.”

“Well, at least Conan-kun wasn’t in any trouble, so that’s a relief,” said Ran.

Sonoko harrumphed and looked over her nose at the pup. “What took you so long in the bathroom anyway, brat? Ran and Shinichi took like, fifteen minutes looking for you.” 

“I was talking to Ohata-san,” Conan said matter of factly, counting his nuts as he ate them so he could keep an even number on the right side of his plate and an odd number on the left. Not for any particular reason, just a mundane task to occupy his mind while his annoying big brother and his friends took their sweet time eating. Being naturally observant, while in the bathroom Conan had asked Ohata a lot of things, some of which leading to more questions than he’d had the time to get answers for. But, maybe he could still ask someone else. He then tugged on Shinichi’s sleeve, getting the older boy’s attention as Conan looked up at him with a well of burning curiosity.

“Hey niichan, where do babies come from?”

Everyone at the table simultaneously reacted by promptly freezing and looking at the pup with identical faces of shock and disbelief. Slightly runny ice cream dripped from Shinichi’s spoon as his mouth flapped wordlessly while Ran and Sonoko exchanged extremely awkward looks.

“Wh-why the hell are you asking something like that?!” Sonoko squawked, glancing around their table really uncomfortably like someone might have overheard Conan.

“Cause when I was talking to Ohata-san, I noticed he had a really sore back. So I asked if there was anything wrong with his tummy to make him stand like that and he said he’s gonna have a baby in a couple’a months.”

“A baby, really?” Ran asked in astonishment, eyes following to where the parlour worker had walked to the front counter. “He looks like a senior highschooler!”

Shinichi stared after Ohata himself. For a pregnant omega, he was barely showing. Supposing the timeframe ‘in couple of months’ meant at least two more months, a baby was considered full term at nine months, so Ohata had to be at most six to seven months pregnant. Despite that, perhaps the uniform hid it well, but Shinichi could make out no discernable obvious swell to the expecting parent’s stomach. Even so, the extra weight was apparently putting pressure on Ohata, because he was quickly given a chair when he reached the front counter and sat on it gratefully. Shinichi was fascinated by the omega’s lack of an obvious belly. It was so different from his own, where his had swelled like a balloon from the early stages, every week of growth more pronounced on his smaller body, while Ohata was barely showing at all. He’d have almost said it was unfair. He wondered if Ohata had to suffer through the same aches and pains and alienating changes, or if just like his stomach, they barely affected him at all. 

“It’s because he’s older and not as fresh,” a distant toxic voice whispered in his mind. “He’s had heats for a number of years now, it doesn’t take as effectively when the fertility starts to drop.”

Shinichi shook his head, shaking the ugly voice away. Kisaragi had said that pregnancy stages were different for everyone, the lack of an obvious belly didn’t have to mean anything.

He didn’t want to lie to Conan. Ignorance was his enemy when Shinichi was taken by the trafficking ring. But how was he supposed to address such a loaded topic? Suddenly, Shinichi had a lot of sympathy for his father’s comical levels of awkwardness when he had asked that question at that same age. His own teacher had lied about the storks because she wanted to shield Shinichi from the truth, avoiding the topic altogether as best she could. But, what did she end up actually shielding him from? The lack of real knowledge had almost been debilitating, everything unknown and frightening when it was happening. By avoiding the topic, Shinichi had learnt not to ask about it later when his parents failed to completely tell him the truth. 

While Yukiko had become an invaluable source of knowledge when it came to looking after Conan, she hadn’t told Shinichi how to handle it when Conan asked uncomfortable questions. She hadn’t even managed to do it herself when Shinichi had asked, getting too distracted laughing at her husband’s comical discomfort. However, back when Shinichi had asked, she probably wasn’t going to tell him it was a stork, as his teacher had so stubbornly insisted. And if he hadn’t lost his nerve, Yusaku wasn’t trying to lie to him. He thinks his parents had been planning to tell him the truth, even when he was just four years old. 

“Well, Conan, you want to be a detective, right? if Ohata-san said there was something wrong with his tummy, where do you think babies come from?”

Conan tilted his head slightly, tongue sticking out in thought as he openly stared at Ohata with the serious focus of a small child who doesn’t fully grasp social decorum yet while Shinichi, Ran and Sonoko looked away at the pup’s embarrassing behaviour when Ohata noticed and gave them a little wave back at him.

“I guess it must be in his tummy, right?”

“That’s right.”

“But like, how does it get there?”

Before Shinichi could answer, Shinichi felt a gentle hand pull him to the side for a small bit of privacy.

“Hey, Shinichi, are you sure you should be telling Conan this?” Ran asked quietly, covering the side of her mouth with a cupped hand to Shinichi’s ear. 

“Is he old enough to know? Shouldn’t your mom be the one to tell him, at least?”

“What? Just because our parents wouldn’t tell us when we were young doesn’t mean it's the right thing to do. If I wait for ka-san to tell him he might think it’s something weird. I don’t have to tell him anything crazy, just the basics so he doesn’t accidentally look up stuff on the internet himself,” Shinichi whispered back, while at the same time gripping his hand unseen under the table in a tight fist to still the slight trembling that had started. 

His head was slightly distracted replaying the helplessness Shinichi had faced when he hadn’t known, hadn’t known, hadn’t known anything and had to learn the process first hand, and how terrifying that had been. While it wouldn’t have changed much about the outcome if he had known, he liked to think it would have been a little less petrifying, to not wonder if somehow Alpha really loved him to be able to put a baby ‘inside,’ since that was the prerequisite his father had set. “When two people loved each other very much… “ That the successful implantation was ‘proof’ of that ‘love’ if it worked. If he would have been a little less scared knowing that planting a baby was the Alpha’s ultimate goal, and that’s why he was so obsessed with hurting Shinichi that specific way. He wouldn’t have felt like such a fool or as though everyone had been lying to him if he had just known the basics from the start. It didn’t do Shinichi any good not to know. He’d heard Kisaragi say that part of what made it so easy for Alpha and the Facility to lie to him about his body and manipulate him, was his ignorance. A pup old enough to ask questions is old enough to get answers, in an age appropriate manner of course.

“Well, it gets there when two people come together, whether its a male-female pair or an omega-non omega pair, and the penis organ goes into their partner, and the two mix their sex cells together in the parent’s belly to make a baby,” Shinichi answered, albeit with a high degree of discomfort.

“Whoa, a bit too much information there, don’t you think, mystery otaku?” Sonoko protested, growing a light blush. “At least have some shame.”

Shame? Shinichi had a lot of shame. The fact that the entire Kudou family was hiding the truth of Conan’s origin was proof enough of that. While his parents were never ashamed of it and would have gladly told the world the truth had it not threatened Shinichi and Conan’s social stability, The Lie was ultimately hiding that truth like it was a deep shame. Shame that Shinichi had fallen pregnant so young. That he hadn’t somehow stopped it. That he hadn’t gotten rid of Conan to rid himself of the ‘problem.’ Shame that Conan’s origins were steeped in scandal. In private, Kisaragi worked hard to get Shinichi to let go of some of the shame. At least, in his heart, even if he couldn’t let go of the shame in the real world.

“Shinichi, people are looking at us weird,” whispered Ran, looking at all the scandalised older couples sending acidic looks their way for speaking of something ‘inappropriate’ to a pup. “Maybe you should’ve toned it down a bit, said it differently. You were being a bit direct. A bit of flowery euphemism never hurt anybody.”

Flowery euphemism hurt him a lot, actually. Shinichi thought bitterly through his apologetic mask, thinking of storks and birds and the bees and vague references to ‘inside’. Though he understood their discomfort, he was frustrated with Sonoko and Ran’s reactions. They thought he didn’t have enough shame to censor himself appropriately, when the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. He wasn’t ashamed of the truth enough. He wasn’t ashamed of telling Conan enough. He wasn’t ashamed of what happened to himself enough. 

It’s fine, he told himself, fighting the urge to throw up by bringing his trembling hand under his shirt where he could start grazing the long-healed scars that were starting to itch. They don’t know why he feels this way about the truth. They’re just used to their own upbringing where their parents and teachers skirted around such topics as much as possible until they thought it was appropriate and mirroring that behavior. They were just voicing their concerns that Conan wasn’t ready to know.

Conan looked fascinated by the varying reactions of everyone around them. From Sonoko pretending not to know them by ducking her head looking down at her phone to Ran’s embarrassed but subdued support while Shinichi’s forced patient smile looked a little locked in place, to the seething expressions of older couples around them quietly getting up and moving away like the teens had contracted something contagious.

“Really? That’s weird,” Conan said aloud. “I had no idea a penis could do that.”

“Ah, Conan, maybe you should stop saying the word ‘penis’ in public and talk about this more with Shinichi when you get home, you know it's a bit of a rude word,” Ran supplied, gently placing her hand over the pup's mouth as he looked up at her in confusion.

“Yeah, save the birds and the bees for a time when me and Ran aren’t here,” said Sonoko quietly, wondering if they were going to get thrown out of the ice cream parlour for disturbing other customers at this rate.

Conan simply shrugged, pushing away Ran’s hand as he turned back to his plate of nuts. “Okay, I wanna get home soon and read anyway.”

The table gave a collective sigh of relief when the pup stopped asking such uncomfortable questions. Dodged a bullet for another day. At least, until Shinichi and Conan made it back home and he’d have the back up of his parents when they called in after dinner. The Kudou parents were working hard into the night again, and were absent from dinner for quite a few nights these days. Shinichi could tell they were working themselves up to leaving him and Conan by themselves a lot. With Conan getting a bit bigger and more independent, their jobs were starting to demand more of both Kudou parents. Shinichi had furthered his responsible streak and was slowly getting better with Kisaragi, so Yukiko and Yusaku found less and less was holding them back from surrendering almost full responsibility of the Kudou household to Shinichi during extended absences. 

“Ohmygosh, so that’s where I’ve seen him before!” Sonoko suddenly shrieked, eyes intent on her screen and clutching her phone like it held the secrets of the universe.

“Sonoko, quiet down! What are you talking about, where have you seen who before?” Ran asked, hushing her best friend.

“Ohata-san, duh,” Sonoko said in a thankfully more hushed voice, holding up her phone for Ran to see. “I thought I knew his name from somewhere. He’s from the Kohnan senior highschool kendo team!” 

Shinichi leaned over Ran’s shoulder to read in vague interest. He wasn’t terribly interested in interschool gossip like Sonoko liked to pay attention to. She paid attention to the schools that ‘got all the hot guys’ and which schools had the best uniform fashion, so he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to recognise the name ‘Ohata.’

The article on the tiny screen detailed the disappointing loss of seventeen-year-old kendo club silver medalist Hiroshi Ohata, who had a promising scholarship to flight school to become a pilot, when he had to drop out due to falling pregnant with his beta boyfriend’s pup.

“What?” Ran asked, finger scrolling down the article. “He was all set to graduate this year. Why did he have to drop out?” 

“Well duh, because they don’t let bimbos into flight school,” said Sonoko, rolling her eyes like it was obvious. “It looks bad for the flight school if their students can’t even keep it in their pants when they’re unmated. And can you imagine if you found out the pilot flying your plane had a baby when they were still in highschool? If we can’t trust them to wrap it before they tap it while they were in school, what makes me want to trust them with my life on an airplane?”

“Do you really think it’s right to call him a bimbo?” Shinichi pointed out. “If he got a scholarship, he’s probably very smart. Smarter than you at least.”

Sonoko kicked his chair in return for the remark. “Excuse you, I’m plenty smart! You just don’t think the things I know make me very smart. But would either of you have dug up this juicy gossip based only on a surname and his face? I didn’t think so!”

She sighed dramatically, pulling up Ohata’s social media profiles and scrolling through his kendo club pictures. “Besides, he can’t have been that smart if he got knocked up in highschool. It’s called birth control.”

She eyed the real Ohata from the corner of her eye stealthily, appreciating his physique in person and comparing it to any online edits.  “He should have at least waited until he was properly mated. Now he’s lost his scholarship. Though, I mostly feel bad for the pup.”

Sonoko suddenly groaned aloud, throwing her head over her arms as she mumbled into the table, mourning her lack of a dramatic love life. “It’s no faaaair he has a boyfriend. All the good ones are always taken. I’m sure he’ll be one of those lucky assholes who are still hot after he has his pup as well.”

“Really? But you’d both be omegas …” Ran asked.

“Who cares? He’s hot.”

Conan took the opportunity to peer at Sonoko’s phone, eyes glazing over at the tiny print and prominent ab-featuring picture. “You should go talk to him if you like him, Sonoko-neechan. You said he’s unmated, isn’t he?”

“Don’t be stupid, brat,” Sonoko scolded, leaning away from the child so he couldn’t get nut crumbs on her screen. “If he’s gotten pregnant with a beta’s pup, he must be pretty serious with them.”

Shinichi cleared his throat, pointing with his hand, instructing Conan to sit back down and stop bothering Sonoko. “Even still, back to what you said earlier. Childless or not, if Ohata-san was my pilot, he’d have finished flight school. Presumably, he’d still have completed the training, so I think I’d trust him to fly me.”

“It’s not just their schooling, but their character,” said Sonoko, cheering herself up by taking a few photos of herself at the parlour, currently boyfriendless at fourteen. She scanned it critically, examining her appearance and smoothing the flaws she noticed before taking the photo again.

“You guys might not get it because you’ve never had to hire anyone for official business, but I know that between two equally qualified pilots, my uncle would never hire a private pilot who had a scandal like that in their past. Places with important positions always do that sort of screening to protect themselves from public scandal.”

She rolled her lips into a cute pout, snapping another picture to compare to the old one. “It’s all about image. Sometimes the company will even hire a less qualified person just to avoid the scandal, like if it was a position of authority.”

She edited the picture, polishing the flaws and blemishes away until the picture was perfect before finally posting it onto her social media. “There are just some positions that just can’t afford controversy.”

Shinichi grimaced, recognising the warnings Kisigari had given him when she had explained to the Kudous the merits of The Lie. In the years since running into his own fair share of murder scenes, he’s seen omega officers fired on the spot for less. Not because Megure was a bad inspector, but because of pressure from the higher ups to keep the reputation of the Tokyo Metropolitan police force as squeaky clean as possible. If it was an issue that couldn’t be kicked under the rug, the force had to purge the offending officer. He’d seen an omega officer fired for falling pregnant out of wedlock. He’d seen another omega male officer fired for having an abortion. A beta officer who was found to have lied about her daughter’s age, having had the kid when she was still in highschool, was forced on three months of unpaid leave before being demoted to a desk job at the precinct. It was ridiculous, since the alpha officers who had similar offences seemed to never be punished, but public outcry about societal norms and propriety forced these pressures on Megure. If Shinichi wanted a chance of making it as a detective, his scandal record had to be spotless.

When Heiji had invited Shinichi to Osaka to help finish up a case, Shinichi never expected they’d be celebrating catching the culprit quite this way. 

‘Don’t bring your brother,’ is all the alpha had said, sending Conan and Kazuha off to visit some shrines and sample the local cuisine to teach the pup the finer points of Osaka style okonomiyaki while Heiji and Shinichi stayed behind to ‘compare notes’ and see who had really figured out the culprit first.

When they were both alone in Heiji’s room, Heiji finally sprung the real reason he had asked Shinichi to stay behind.

“Okay, so you’re my best friend Kudou. And as my best friend, you’re the only one I can show this without it feeling weird, okay?”

“What are you talking about, Hattori? What could possibly be worth missing out on okonomiyaki?” Shinichi asked, slightly irritable that he still hasn’t gotten to try something Heiji talked up constantly, bemoaning the lack of authentic Osaka style okonomiyaki while studying in Tokyo.

“Look at this beauty I found!” 

Heiji reached under his bed and fished out a slightly rumpled disc case. Shinichi could only gape his mouth at the faded, sun-bleached printed cover Heiji was holding up. It was a porno video disc.

“What the- why the hell do you have that?” Shinichi asked shrilly, feeling his ears warm up.

While sex-ed classes and library investigation had given him the tools to look up factual mechanics behind sex including pictures and video, Shinichi had never gone out of his way to look for pornographic material designed to … excite and titillate.

Heiji rolled his eyes. “Oh get over yourself and grow a pair, Kudou. It’s just porn. We’re both red-blooded guys, you wanna watch this stuff, right?”

“No?!” Shinichi asked, slightly bewildered. “What the hell, Hattori?”

“Aw c’mon. Way to make a guy feel bad,” Heiji complained, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, dad never would let me see this stuff normally, but I solved a case with this guy who had a really big anime collection. Like, really, really big. And in his collection he had a bunch of … x-rated cosplay films. And I had to erm, look at one of them for evidence. since it had his ex-girlfriend in it. When I solved the case, he gifted me one of the videos as thanks. Anyway, since you and I don’t know anything about sex, I figured it would be a good experience to watch how the pros do it, you know?”

“You know people say porn isn’t good sex-ed for a reason, right?” Shinichi asked, his voice a little too high and scratchy for his liking.

“Aw c’mon, Kudou. If we never watch how it’s really done, how will we know what to do when we have to … you know, make it feel good?” Heiji asked, starting to turn red himself. “Arrrgh, now you’re making me feel self-conscious. Sorry for not wanting me or my best friend to be bad at sex.”

“You want me to watch it with you?” Shinichi asked incredulously.

“Well, now that you say it out loud, yeah, I guess I sound pretty stupid,” Heiji said, a full three shades redder than earlier. “I don’t know, but in my head I thought it would be okay, since you’re my best friend and we can talk about it together like a bad horror movie if nothing else. Like, who else am I going to ask if the girl’s tits bouncing looks hot or not without getting judged? Not Kazuha, that’s for sure, the girls will just call me gross.”

“Oh my god,” Shinichi groaned.

“C’mon Kudou, it’ll be fun. It’s not that awkward,” Heiji complained, before correcting himself. “Well, yes it is awkward. But we’ll just be watching it for educational purposes, I swear. It’s just a curiosity thing, I’m not trying to be weird with you. I just wanna know how the pros do sex, how to make it look and feel good, so I won’t suck at it for my first time, you know? Don’t you feel the same way? I mean, it would be so embarrassing to suck at sex. I don’t want to work myself up to confessing, h-holding hands, have an amazing first kiss, only to be a disappointment in bed. Can you imagine people making fun of you for being bad at sex? I think I’d rather jump in front of a bus.”

Shinichi was still in half disbelief at what he was hearing. Despite Heiji’s faith in him, there were limits to what Shinichi was willing to put up with as a best friend. They hadn’t exactly defined those limits, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t far off from where Heiji was currently pushing.

“I mean education aside, I also figured it’d be fun,” said Heiji, shrugging his shoulders. “We’re both guys, so it’s not a big deal. If you gotta rub out a stiffy, I’ll pretend I don’t see it and turn to the next room or something. Bros honour code.” 

He turned a sly look at Shinichi’s face continuing to redden. “Don’t tell me you’re not at least a little curious, Kudou. Doing stuff in the real world is completely different to reading about it in books you know? If you spend all your time studying up on theory, you’ll never be a good lay in bed. Then I’ll be a better detective than you, and a better lay.”

Shinichi wanted to groan aloud. He could not believe he was actually considering this. Of course the Osakan would make his personal mission to best Shinichi extend to the activities in the bedroom. His competitiveness apparently had no limits. Heiji, of course, had no idea that Shinichi already had plenty of practical experience regarding sex. Even if it had been some years and extreme circumstances since his last encounter, experience was still experience. Part of Shinichi wanted to walk out that door and just let Heiji have the title. But he had a sneaking suspicion Heiji would never let him live it down, asking if Shinichi really was the better detective in every shape and way if Heiji was the better lay. It wouldn’t matter if ‘ability in bed’ had nothing to do with one’s ability to perform as a detective, the title of ‘best detective’ was the sum of the whole, and apparently skills in pleasing a partner were now going to be included in the competition according to Hattori’s logic. 

Sighing in defeat, Shinichi snatched the box out of Heiji’s hands, taking out the disc and loading it up into the player without looking at it. He stuck out a finger at Heiji, shushing the alpha on the lips before he could get a word in.

“Fine, I’ll watch it with you if you’re so worried about it. But we will never talk about this again.”

Nodding enthusiastically, Heiji obediently sat back on his bed and made room for Shinichi next to him. Shinichi idly wondered if Heiji was also worried about being better at sex than Hakuba as well. He wondered if the sex education or expectations around virginity were similar in the west, or if Hakuba would have a lot more experience than either of them.

The writing of the film was shoddy, which was to be expected from a pornographic film of this callibre, Heiji hadn’t exactly procured high art from his grateful client. It was like the director couldn’t wait to get into the real meat of the film, throwing away the opening premise and putting the actors into increasingly ridiculous situations just to conveniently have their orifices filled. Shinichi didn’t get the point of the film being in cosplay if all the actors were going to shed all their clothes anyway. They commented on the film whenever something utterly ridiculous happened, like a beta falling ass first through the paper wall landing directly on the demon king’s cock, keeping things light hearted. Magical wands were used where no magical wands had any business being used, and the actor’s ahegao expressions bordered on manic with how heavy they played up their enjoyment. 

“Oh my god, look at how flexible that girl is,” Heiji said, admiring the beta girl practically doing the splits over the actor playing the demon king’s hard cock.

Shinichi winced in sympathy. “That’s totally uncomfortable. There’s no way she’s enjoying herself doing that.”

Heiji rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but this is a porno, not real life. I’m not expecting a real person to actually want to fuck like that. My arms would die just holding her up balanced like that.”

“I thought the whole point of watching this porn was so you could see how ‘the pros actually make people feel good,’” Shinichi pointed out. They were hardly going to ‘learn’ anything like that with they way the porno was going. But they were already a decent way through the film, it seemed a bit of a waste to turn it off now.

“There’s nothing wrong with a bit of fantasy with a bit of reality,” said Heiji, defending himself. “Look, I think we’re getting to a good part!”

The next actor to be fucked in the film was an omega male. The uncomfortably tight close up camera angle stared up at the petite omega’s open orifice, dripping slick into the camera lens as a thick cock inched into it while the omega moaned. 

Shinichi shifted uncomfortably. He hated seeing the way the camera cut to the omega’s face contorted into an expression of uncontrolled bliss. He was drooling into the pillow, babbling the demon king’s name and begging for mercy. It cut back to the shot of his hole, really moving now that the demon king was completely inserted inside.

“Oh my god, that’s so hot,” Heiji said, awed. “Look at how he’s just taking that knot. Straight milking it. How does it all fit in there?”

Shinichi couldn’t take his eyes off the screen either. He stared as the edges of the omega’s hole stretched, fluttered and deformed around the repeated plunging of the swelling knot into his leaking hole. Tiny specks of fake cum and slick were splashing up the omega’s thighs. Is that what he had looked like? Only smaller? Heiji liked it. Heiji thought it was hot.

“Oh my god, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” the actor panted in his bad porn dialogue. The camera zoomed out and they could see the omega’s cock straining against his school girl panties, the only part of his ‘magical boy’ outfit he’d been allowed to keep. 

“So hot.”

The omega was being bounced on the lap of the alpha now, moaning as every clench of his ass accepted the thick shaft. Shinichi thought the actors looked like wanton animals. Fucking without restraint, so base, so carnal, so instinctive. He wondered if he’d looked like that too when Alpha had fucked him. Laying there with his legs spread wide at his behest, biting his lip and moaning when he was finally filled. It was disgusting.

“Gonna fuck you full of my demonic spawn,” the demon king growled into the omega’s neck, hand clenched tight digging grooves into the meat of the omega’s thigh. “Pretty magical boy full of demon cum, making demon minions for me.”

“Yes. yes. Please. Give me your pups, alpha!”

The alpha came, moaning in tandem with the omega as they both spurt hot white ropes of cum painting one another. Shinichi hadn’t been made to cum when he was with Alpha. He’d do it sometimes, when he wanted to play with Shinichi’s hole and modest cock until he begged for release. But for the most part, he was purposeful when he bedded Shinichi and only cared about his own completion. The omega in the porno looked like he enjoyed it. His tongue was lolling, he was clutching to the demon king’s arm like he never wanted to let go. Shinichi wondered if there was any porn of people who looked like him, enjoying it as an alpha pumped them full of cum. He wondered if any of it was real. Did the alpha really want to stuff the omega’s hole when it was that tight? Did the omega really want it when the knot could barely fit inside? It looked so uncomfortable. Did anybody really enjoy themselves, moving like a pair of rabid mutts mating as fast as possible for their own sexual gratification? He decided he didn’t want to know. 

“Dude, that’s so hot. Look how much he wanted it. I wanna fuck like that.”

He did? Heiji wanted to fuck like the alpha in the porno? Shinichi looked at the omega on the screen. His limbs were tangled up in the alpha’s, eyelids fluttering as he milked the alpha’s knot for everything he was worth. The camera zoomed in, focusing as the alpha finally pulled his knot free, letting thick globs of white cum ooze out of the omega’s hole. 

Heiji watched, enraptured.

“Do you think it’d be hot? If they showed the omega getting all fat with pups? Or is it gross? Are you into that stuff, Kudou?”

“Um, I uh, I don’t think so,” Shinichi answered awkwardly.

“I think it’s hot. I think some people at school would say it’s gross because you like, get all fat and MILFy. But it’s like, that just makes it more exciting cause it means it was real.”

“That alpha’s cum looks fake,” Shinichi said, wanting desperately to divert attention away from the topic or the writhing omega on the screen and instead focus on something mundane and inconsequential instead. “It’s too white, and there’s way too much cum for the size of his knot. They’d never let him actually get the other actors pregnant.”

Heiji turned to him, eyes wide. “Yeah? How much cum do you think should be in that knot? Have you seen it happen before?”

“Uh-” Shinichi hesitated, unsure how to best answer Heiji’s question. “It just looks fake, you know? Like, I’m no prude. I’ve touched myself before, and nothing near that much ever comes out of me.”

Heiji rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but you’re not an alpha,” he pointed out. “You don’t have a knot, so of course you don’t have as much cum.”

It was still too much cum to real life. Shinichi would know. He shrugged. “I guess, you’d know better. But don’t you think it still looks like too much? Do you think if you came you’d have that much?”

“Well, maybe it is a little excessive,” Heiji admitted, pinking slightly at the mental image Shinichi had planted in his mind of him cumming. 

“But I’m also not done growing. I could have that much cum when I’m older.”

Shinichi rolled his eyes. “Unrealistic. You’re being too hopeful if you think you could ever get that big.”

“Are you calling my dick small?” said Heiji, slightly offended.

“Well, I didn’t say that,” Shinichi said, an amused grin on his lips. “But if you’re suggesting it, I wouldn’t get my hopes up.”

Heiji kicked a socked foot against Shinichi, booting him off the bed. “Ass, I’ll have you know I’m above average if you cared to check. Now get out, that last scene was more intense than I had been expecting, and I have to take care of business now.”

Shinichi pointedly did not look down to where he knew Heiji was currently covering himself with a pillow.

“Oh, uh. Right. Bros honour code.”

Heiji nodded with a slightly sheepish smile. “Yep. Bros honour code. You can take care of yourself in the shower if you need to, don’t wait up. I’ll probably be a while yet. I heard there’s still an after credits scene in this movie where the alpha, the beta, and the omega all have a giant orgy.”

After being shooed out, Shinichi sat on the floor outside of Heiji’s room, trying hard not to listen in as he heard Heiji moan and gasp as the sounds of the porno film started up again.

“So hot, ahh. Omega …haaa…”

Heiji liked it. Heiji thought it was hot. Watching that omega writhe and pant little shocked gasps as he was impaled with that alpha’s cock had turned Heiji on. Heiji had to ‘take care of himself’ now. Shinichi could only see his little nine year old self, stuck in that very same position gasping for breath, and knowing the Alpha probably also thought he was ‘hot’. Fucking omegas like Shinichi full of pups was hot. What would Heiji say, if he knew Shinichi was barren?

Chapter Text

Shinichi's Age: 14

“Oh my god, the ex obviously did it!” Kogoro shouted, waving a curry chicken laden fork at the television while slightly tipsy after another slow month at the Mouri Detective Agency.

Shinichi didn’t have the heart to tell Kogoro that one of his ex-clients had turned to a teenage prodigy instead after finding Kogoro’s deduction that her husband had faked his own death was faulty. As such, Shinichi was currently using the excuse of visiting Ran to discreetly rifle through the old man’s files to go over the prior evidence.

“Otou-san! Is this show really appropriate to be watching around a pup?” Ran scolded, as Conan ran around Shinichi’s legs to jump on the Mouri’s couch, looking up at the TV with big impressionable eyes.

“What, he’s starting school soon, and the rating isn’t that high,” Kogoro waved off casually, throwing back a can of beer and smacking his lips, the rosy glow in his cheeks rising as his level of intoxication rose.

“Besides, doesn’t the brat drag his kid brother along to all sorts of crime scenes?” He asked, pointing an accusatory finger at Shinichi. “At least this show doesn’t have a body in it.”

The ‘show’ in question was a reality TV series on teenage parents. Shinichi had seen clips of the show going viral online before, usually among the older generation. Like all things reality TV, it was a mix of real people and staged stories filmed on unforgiving deadlines to provide a non-stop cheap form of dramatic evening entertainment for parents to mindlessly consume after the news. This show’s format was reasonably predictable;  manufacturing cheap storylines about ‘troubled teens who had lost their way’ or who just ‘got with the wrong kind of alpha’ looking to get into university or a good paying job to build themselves back up to contributing hard working members of society for the good of their young pups. It was a spectacle full of cheap feel-good narratives reaffirming the beliefs and biases of their target middle-aged audience about the fruits of labour of hard work and grit to get these wayward kids back on their feet to give them hope about their own rebellious children by serving as cautionary tales.

“The show would be better if it had a body in it,” quipped Shinichi, moving aside some of Kogoro’s discarded beer cans littering the desk to get at the forgotten and disorganised papers underneath. “At least then it would serve some intellectual stimulus for Conan to work out the culprit for a real case rather than this petty dispute.”

The story playing out on screen seemed to be some sort of confrontation between the sixteen-year-old omega girl’s father, her current seventeen year old boyfriend, and her ex-boyfriend, the father of her pup. Someone had stolen the money she had been setting aside for the child’s future savings account, and only someone who was very close to her could have stolen it. The show’s producers had hired a private eye detective to determine the culprit, and they were currently in the middle of the investigation while the three men accused one another.

Kogoro gestured with his hands as if saying ‘see?’ at the pair of Kudou boys as he turned up the volume.

“Don’t encourage him!” scolded Ran at both the males, flashing her eyes slightly with her violet iris bleed. Both Shinichi and Kogoro flinched at the scolding, appropriately cowed by her beta ire. One could only shudder to imagine the effectiveness of Ran’s wrath had she presented as alpha.

“And stop drinking so much in front of Conan-kun, It’s about setting a good example!”

“Tch! I’m not the tiny kid-brat’s father, if he wants to watch television in my home, he has to watch my shows and deal with my TV routine before the horse racing comes on!” Kogoro dismissed, waving his Yoko collector’s photo card.

Ran threw her hands up in frustration before moving into the kitchen to clean up after dinner, a small tower of dishes in hand.

“Oi, Ran, do you need any help with that?” Shinichi asked, cautiously handing her the plates he and Conan had contributed to.

“No, I certainly don’t need help from someone who won’t even make sure his own little brother isn’t being influenced by those irresponsible people on TV shows!” Ran scolded, snatching the plates and brushing past Shinichi roughly.

“Are you sure? I could put the plates away-”

“I appreciate you offering, but I’m sure. Now stay out, Shinichi!” Ran shouted, pushing him out of the kitchen and all but brandishing a soapy knife at him.

Shinichi sheepishly obeyed the irate beta and steered well clear of Ran, not wanting to piss her off anymore. He really didn’t see what she was getting so worked up about with what Conan saw on TV. It’s not like Conan was three anymore, he could tell right from wrong and make reasonably sound judgements about people’s actions for the most part. She was probably just overreacting. He should probably let her work off her energy and leave her to the chores.

Back to the task at hand, Shinichi fingered through the disorganised mess of files. He was looking for the ‘Junpei Naya’ files. Under ‘J,’ Shinichi made a face as he peeled off what looked like the dried out remains of spilled ramen noodles from one of the thick files used as a makeshift pot holder. 

Meanwhile, Conan and Kogoro seemed enraptured by what was happening on the TV, discussing their prime suspects.

“Why do you think her ex-boyfriend stole the money?” asked Conan, sprawling his tiny legs up against the back of the couch. 

“Isn’t the father much more suspicious? He wants to punish his daughter for having a boyfriend because he can’t control her anymore.”

“Ish a classic paternity move!” Kogoro bragged to the pup confidently, his speech slurring as his inebriation caught up to him and he had one too many cans of beer. “The exsh-boyfriend feels like, as the father o’ the pup, he has the right to the money put ashide for the pup’s future!” 

Shinichi idly looked up from his task at the screen, wondering if it was time to tell Kogoro to put the beer down as the interviews with each of the suspects played out, highlighting their alibis and motives. He had missed the background information of the father and current boyfriend flashing on screen, but caught the infographic showing the ex-boyfriend’s information.

“Hang on, the father of her kid is how old?” Shinichi asked, thinking surely he was mistaken as the ex-boyfriend explained his whereabouts the night the money went missing. 

“He’sh a no good twenty-three year old member of a delinquent motorcycle gang who dropped out of university!” Kogoro replied, barely looking over his shoulder as he rolled his eyes, shaking his fist at the screen. “Thesesh types of skanks are always like thish! I tell ya’ Ran. They’re bad kids, all of them. Not like you, you’re a good kid. But that omega.”

Kogoro banged his fist on the coffee table, causing Conan to jump as he barked out to the television like the people on screen could hear him. “She’s a typical drop out slut! Falling for a ‘bad boy’ like that for her firsh boyfriend and havin’ a kid!”

His head nodded slightly as Kogoro lost his balance, seemingly a bit of an emotional drunk as he got weirdly outraged at the narrative playing out on screen and the omega’s current boyfriend stepped into frame.

“Bah! And her new boyfriend is no better, he’s been expelled for school violence. With a personality like that, it’s no wonder she got pregnant at sixteen. At leash’ my baby girl has much more sense than that.”

Kogoro called out in the direction of the kitchen, his syruppy fondness exacerbated by his inebriatedness as he fawned over his daughter.

“But you won’t end up like that shkank on TV, right Ran?” he asked, hiccuping mournfully into his now empty can of beer. “My beautiful baby girl, you won’t be irresponsible an’ get pregnant with some punk’s kid and shame our family name, right?

“What are you talking about Otou-san?” Ran asked, clearly having not heard a word as she excited the kitchen and drying her hands on a towel and looking at the screen at the unfortunately regular pathetic display her father made in front of a young impressionable pup like Conan whenever the Kudou boys visited.

Kogoro pointed forlornly at the screen, tears welling up as he mourned his little girl growing up so quickly. “You’re only two years younger than her, you won’t go and get yourself pregnant like tha’, right Ran?” he cried, wiping his face furiously on his sleeve. “You’re a good kid! A good girl, not a slut. There’s still time, jus’ stay good Ran, don’t grow up, and don’t get a kid by the time you’re sixteen!”

“O-otou-san! What are you saying?” Ran asked, barely understanding her father under his slurred words. “A kid? Good girl, what?”

Kogoro’s unfiltered words and the implications of the girl and her ex-boyfriend’s ages washed over Shinichi like a stinging wave of ice cold seawater. The core narrative of the show about ‘good kids’ and ‘bad kids’ was being parroted by Kogoro like it was fact, and it was probably about time Shinichi got Conan away from the old sot. As he approached the TV, the interview subject switched again and Shinichi frowned when he observed the omega girl’s reactions on screen to her ex more carefully. She kept stepping behind her current boyfriend, who would stand in front of her protectively.

“Don’t touch me,” she shouted hotly at her ex. “We’re through. You don’t get to touch me.”

“Big words for an omega slut who went an’ got herself pregnant,” Kogoro mumbled, hugging his daughter while Ran still tried to make sense of what her father was saying in his drunken tirade. “She’s acting all big and responsible now that they’re not together anymore, but she’s a bad girl inside. I bet she wanted it when they were still together. She’s probably jus’ gonna get another kid again with her new boyfriend. Omegas like this, they never learn.”

“Otou-san, you can’t say things like that!” Ran said, her eyes wide in shock at his unfiltered words. She slapped her hands over Kogoro’s mouth, muffling his drunken rambling before he said anything else offensive. “Conan-kun, don’t listen to Otou-san, he’s just raised from a different time-”

Wordlessly, Shinichi grabbed the remote from the arm rest and changed the channel as Kogoro threw Ran’s hands off his mouth and squawked in protest.

“Hey, brat! I was watching that!” he drunkenly reached for the remote, only for Shinichi to slip it onto a high shelf he’d have to climb on a chair to reach, which Kogoro was currently in no state to do. 

“The horse racing is about to come on, you should stay on this channel instead,” Shinichi said in a carefully clipped authoritative tone. He bowed politely to an apologetic Ran.

“Thanks for having us over Ran, I got what I was looking for,” he said, gesturing to the file he had picked up from Kogoro’s desk. 

Shinichi jerked his head in the direction of the stairs and addressed the smaller Kudou. “Come on Conan, Kogoro-ojisan’s had a bit too much to drink and we should probably leave him alone now.”

“Aww, but I wanted to keep watching and see if I was right about who stole the money,” Conan complained, looking forlornly at leaving a mystery, no matter how small, unsolved.

Shinichi set his teeth in a grim line and sternly knocked on the side of the Mouri living room doorframe.

“Now, Conan. You can look up who stole the money when we get home. You have homework from Tomoko-sensei anyway.”

Conan pulled a face but hopped off the couch all the same, gathering his school bag. “‘Kay, niichan. See you downstairs!”

He rushed down the stairs with the enthusiasm of a kid playing chase, thundering down to have a chat with Azusa and hopefully get a leftover sandwich or two from Poirot as Shinichi called after him not to run in other people’s houses.

Sighing as his efforts went to waste, Shinichi picked up his school jacket, which he had left on the dining room chair and headed to the door to the stairs to depart himself.

Ran went to try and say something but Shinichi cut her off before she could do so, rubbing the back of his head. “Sorry I have to run off on you like this, Ran, but I remembered I have a big case with Hattori tomorrow, so I need to put together my notes or he’ll be a pain and say I’ve been slacking. Thanks for the food though, it was really good.”

Ran stopped Shinichi before he could avoid her and duck down the stairs, grabbing his wrist before he could escape.

“Hey, I’m sorry about what he said. Otou-san didn’t mean anything by it,” she said, tucking her hair behind her ear and looking away in embarrassment. “You know my dad. He’s gross to all women, omegas, and even betas, so he says things that are kind of insensitive sometimes-”

Shinichi waved her off, an easy smile playing on his lips. “Nah, it’s okay. As you say, I know the bad sides of old man Kogoro better than I’d like. It’s why Eri left him after all.”

Ran frowned, still rather sensitive and slightly in denial at people’s assessments of her parent’s marital status since she was still hopeful this was just a temporary spat and their relationship was mendable. A temporary spat that's stretched a decade, that is.

“Even still, he shouldn’t have said those things. He shouldn’t be calling omegas sluts. I’m really sorry you had to see that Shinichi.” She lightly brushed his shoulder, intended to be a playful jab just like when they were still in kindergarten. “But you’re not like that, so no harm no foul, right Shinichi?”

Shinichi kept his smile on his face, hoping to whatever god that governed the universe that she wouldn’t see the cracks under his mask. That she wouldn’t spot the elephant in the Kudou mansion that hid just out of sight which was their most well kept secret.

“Would it matter if I was?” he asked. 

Ran cocked her head in confusion, but Shinichi kept his face impassive.

He had to know, even if a little bit, what his friends might think of him. He wondered if they really knew what they were saying, when they parroted judgements like that. It was not an uncommon viewpoint. Strangers were one thing, people whose opinions didn’t matter didn’t count. That old lady years ago at the grocery store could call him names. Kogoro could call people like him a slut. But he wondered what people like Ran, Sera, Sonoko, or even Heiji would really think, if they knew. He could never tell of course, but maybe he could ask, just a little bit, hypothetically, what Ran would say. She was nice, she was kind. She would probably judge him least of all of them. He could tell a little bit, just based on things he’s heard based on the way their parents brought them up, that his friends at the very least would disapprove. But he thinks it would cut him up a little inside, if he knew they’d blame him. Even if things weren’t always that straight forward. It had been burning him up wondering, questioning, what if, what if, what if…

“Is it really okay to call that girl on TV a slut?” he asked. “Just because she has a kid?”

Ran looked a little taken aback, not expecting Shinichi to talk to her about something like this, to be so confrontational.

“I mean, no. Of course not. It’s very rude, obviously. You shouldn’t call anyone a slut,” Ran assured, stating the obvious. She then checked to make sure Conan wasn’t hiding somewhere listening in before leaning in to whisper quietly. “But I mean, I can see why people from Otou-san’s generation would say things like that. She was very irresponsible, getting a boyfriend like that and having sex right away. She would’ve had to have gotten pregnant when she was fifteen-”

“But why is it her fault?” Shinichi pressed, in an equally subdued whisper so as to not be overheard by curious pup ears.

“Everyone sees the sixteen year old with a pup and they label her an irresponsible ‘slut.’ Or the story is that she just ‘made a mistake.’ But don’t they think that maybe, she’s still a kid herself? She’s only sixteen, and Kogoro-ojisan and the TV directors make stories about how they have to ‘set her on the right path.’ Doesn’t anyone fucking stop and think maybe the pup wasn’t her fault? That maybe, that it’s the father of the pup, and the people that made her have the baby who are in the wrong? Maybe, it’s not her fault, and we shouldn't call her a ‘slut’ just because she had a pup before she was ready.”

It’s not her fault, it’s not her fault, it’s not …

Ran paled, her eyes widened as her hand flew up to her face. “What do you mean? Do you think that girl on the TV might’ve been …” Her eyes glanced around, almost frightened by her next words as they escaped in almost a soundless whisper. “Do you think she might have been raped by her ex-boyfriend?”

Like the word was Taboo, unthinkable, too awful to put a name to. 

He looked away from Ran and shrugged, unwilling to say. “She was only fifteen,” he said instead. “She’s not a slut.”

It’s not her fault.

Shinichi gulped and shook his head. No, he couldn’t say. He’s probably said too much already. Ran was smart, she could guess if he said something wrong. This was too close. He pulled away from Ran and continued down the stairs.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything. I mean, Kogoro-ojisan was the one who said those words, not you. You didn’t do anything wrong-”

“Shinichi, wait!” Ran said, grabbing him again. Shinichi twisted around and almost smacked her hand away but just managed to catch himself. He couldn’t hit one of his closest friends, he shouldn’t hit people when they grabbed, that’s what Alpha said and the Facility-

He stopped those thoughts right there and paved them over with a well-practiced impenetrable wall. He would not think about what he should, or shouldn’t do based on what people wanted of him anymore. He shouldn’t hit his friends because that wasn’t something he wanted to do. He wanted to be normal. That’s why Kisaragi helped him overcome some of his stronger impulses and reflexes as part of his recovery. He wouldn’t hit people he cared about when they grabbed him. Stop thinking about it, stop thinking about it.

It’s not her fault. She probably didn’t want to get pregnant. 

…

I didn’t want to have a pup.

“Niichan, did you forget something?” Conan asked, poking his head back into the stairway and wondering what was holding up his big brother, since he was the one who announced they were leaving. Conan’s cute five-year-old face melted Shinichi’s nerves in an instant. His cute cherubic cheeks were currently mid-chew through a BLT sandwich, courtesy of Poirot’s clumsy manager who took a shine to the young pup since they started frequenting the cafe whenever the Kudous hung out by the Mouri’s place. He might not have wanted to have a pup, it might have not been a mistake, or his choice, but he had a kid brother now, and he couldn’t risk exposing the Truth with his hurt feelings. Conan deserved better than that. He just had to get over himself, it’s not like Kogoro said anything he didn’t know other people thought already. He just hoped … people he cared about might think different. They would be nicer about it at least, since he doesn’t think any of his friends would go around calling people like him a ‘slut’ because it was still a very cruel thing to do, and they didn’t treat their sexually active unmated friends like Detectives Sato and Takagi like that. But to hear Ran reason, sympathize or excuse away that kind of preconceived judgement about ‘people like that,’ it hurt. 

‘But you’re not like that, so no harm no foul, right?’

She probably didn’t mean it like that, she might even change her mind now that Shinichi had pointed it out, but she still thought it, just a little bit. ‘People like that,’ like him. Others, not one of the ‘good kids.’ Bad kid, bad omega. ‘Good kids’ didn’t have pups because they were ‘responsible’ and waited until they were old enough before ‘messing around.’ They used protection because they had sex ‘responsibly’ and were smart enough not to get themselves pregnant and they got to choose.

It felt like a tight coil had been constricting his throat, smothering his words lest he let something more incriminating slip, but Shinichi managed to get his thick tongue to work and speak around the obstruction. 

“Oh, no. Sorry for making you wait, Conan,” Shinichi called, leaving Ran standing somewhat dumbstruck on the stairs.

He turned around, not wanting to leave her on such a sour note. “Look, don’t worry about it, Ran. It’s nothing, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No! I mean, I think you have every right to be upset. That was insensitive of me, I’m sorry,” apologised Ran, eyeing Conan self-consciously before continuing.

“Not that we should shame people and call them those names no matter their circumstances, but I guess I just never really thought about the people on TV like that. But that girl is real,” said Ran, nodding her head solemnly in agreement. “And Otou-san spoke badly of her, of course you’d be upset.”

Shinichi nodded, wordlessly accepting her apology. “Don’t worry about it, I guess I was just feeling upset that he and the TV directors would treat her story like a morality fable. She’s a real girl, and it's cruel to call her names for something like that.”

They didn’t have time to smooth things out more, so they hastily exchanged goodbyes before Conan got impatient enough to run out onto the street sniffing around for another crime scene.

Afterwards at school, he made up some story and told Ran that the girl’s episode just reminded him a bit about one of his previous cases, distancing himself so she wouldn’t connect the dots and think it was personal. He needed to continue the Lie. She didn’t need to know how deep the rot inside him went. That she was wrong, and he wasn’t one of the ‘good kids’ Kogoro was so proud of her for being one of.

They were all ‘good kids,’ Sera, Heiji, Sonoko and Ran, so he had to pretend he was one too. They wouldn’t want to be friends with a ‘bad kid’ like him if they knew.

Chapter Text

Shinichi's Age: 15-16

Shinichi had been visiting Heiji’s house and vice versa for months as they got into the habit of solving cases together. It was practically like their own high school detective agency. Shinichi got along well with Heiji’s mother and Heiji didn’t manage to upset Conan with how loud and brash he tended to be. Shinichi’s parents had started leaving for longer stretches of time again now that Shinichi was looking after Conan. They had always planned to travel more when he hit that age, but they’d been unable to make the transition as smooth between Shinichi’s ordeal and raising Conan. But seeing as how Conan was going to be starting grade school next year when he turned five, they thought it was a good idea to start leaving them alone again. Shinichi didn’t mind. He liked the independence, and he’d been the one primarily taking Conan to his extracurriculars and appointments to and from school anyway for a while now. Currently, Conan was away on a camping trip with Professor Agase learning about bugs and wildlife, so Shinichi was at Heiji’s place focusing on the bigger cases that would require multiple days to solve. He spent the night in Heiji’s room, neither of them speaking about the last time he was here with the incident with the pornographic film as promised. But something had changed after that day. Heiji seemed to be nicer to Shinichi, not as hyper competitive about ‘who was the best detective,’ focused more on collaborating and finding the culprit together. He still liked to brag about being the best whenever he figured out something before Shinichi did, but Heiji was much looser about keeping score. He’d ‘forget’ to argue over who figured out certain details first. It was nice for their investigation together to go more smoothly, but something ticked Shinichi the wrong way about the newfound calmness of his normally hot-blooded friend. And apparently, he wasn’t the only one who had noticed.

“Say, Heiji. When are you going to ask Kudou-kun to be your boyfriend?” Heiji’s mother, Shizuka, asked one day. 

Both detectives spat out their respective drinks, having been served tea upon being welcomed into the Hattori household after a long day of investigating. 

“Mom!”

Shinichi coughed wetly into his sleeve, staring wide-eyed between the Hattoris as Heiji looked scandalised at his mother.

“Well, I can’t help but wonder,” his mother placed a maidenesque hand to her cheek and pretended to look out the window with an air of disinterest. “You’ve known each other for a long while now, and Kudou-kun is a nice omega. He’s such a responsible young man with how dedicated he is looking after Conan-kun. I think he’d make a great omega parent to your future pups, Heiji.”

“We’re not dating! And we’re way too young to be thinking about that sort of thing, ma!” Heiji protested, waving his hands in front of himself, beet red in the face. “Besides, I thought you liked Kazuha!”

“I thought you liked Kazuha too, but you never bring Kazuha around this often.”

“That’s because Kudou and I are working on a big case together!”

“Ah, so that’s what the kids call it these days,” Shizuka said with a sly wink. “Working on ‘cases.’”

“MA!”

“Now I know where you get your tact in sex ed class from,” Shinichi stage whispered to Heiji, trying to fight down his own burgeoning blush.

After that, despite both of their protests, Heiji’s mother never made it subtle that she thought Shinichi and Heiji were dating. She’d give Shinichi tips on things that made Heiji happy, advice on raising a young pup like Conan, came over to supply blankets and pillows to help with his nesting behaviour during heats in absence of his own mother. His heats had indeed settled into mostly feverish symptoms in three to four day stretches as his body matured and adjusted to the hormonal changes over the years, and Shinichi simply took the days off school whenever it happened. Shinichi still didn’t appreciate the increased mental fugue, but at least heat wasn’t as debilitating as when he had presented. Things settled to a new ‘normal’ that was at the very least, bearable. If not still slightly inconvenient.

“Mom wants grandkids,” Heiji explained, when Shinichi complained about feeling uncomfortable about how invested Shizuka seemed in looking after Shinichi when he came to their house after his last heat, pampering him with a hot water bottle and snacks. She had even volunteered to take Conan out to play at the park while the two teens ‘worked on cases together,’ she had said with a sly wink.

Heiji knocked back a can of energy drink and crushed the metal shell before throwing a direct shot into the wastebasket, where it clanked noisily. 

“I know she values the ‘strength of our house’ or whatever, and wants me to carry on the family legacy. But really, I think she just misses having young pups running around the house to spoil. It’s why she dotes on Conan so much. You might have noticed, but she’s a little traditional.”

Freshly caffeinated, Heiji scribbled some of his notes on their current case, marking off potential suspects based on their reported locations at the time of death and comparing it to eyewitness testimony.

“No, really? I thought she just liked wearing a kimono all the time as a fashion statement,” Shinichi retorted sarcastically. He busied himself by pinning their primary theories to the murder board that adorned Heiji’s wall, laden with layers of case papers and red string. Heiji liked his notes colour coordinated by importance, topic, and date, according to Shizuka. It was one of the many tips she had given him over his multiple stays here.

“Hmm? Oh yeah, I guess it’s not that hard to notice when you put it like that,” Heiji laughed, scratching a sheepish finger over his nose.

While Tokyo prided itself on being hyper-fast paced and modern, the Hattori family made their way through the world in a bubble of traditional values, priding themselves on the noble origins of Osaka as the once epicentre of Japanese art and culture.

“She’s the one who inspired me to take up kendo, being a former champion and all. She’s not that traditional as to say ‘proper ladies ought not to pick up a blade,’ or anything, but she’s traditional in her own way.”

“Right, cause normally it isn’t traditional for a woman to be a part of the kendo team,” said Shinichi. “But she still takes pride in excelling at a traditional sport.”

Heiji rubbed the back of his neck nervously, looking awkwardly away from his best friend. “Exactly. So, yeah. Sorry if her traditional expectations are making you uncomfortable. She can be a bit much. I can tell her to stop. She just expects me to marry young, marry an omega and have traditional alpha-omega grandkids for her.”

“So, that’s why she’s playing matchmaker. But, is that what you want?” Shinichi asked, looking over at Heiji thoughtfully.

Heiji worried at his lip, throwing a furtive glance at Shinichi before quickly looking away when he noticed Shinichi was looking. “I mean, I wanna make her happy. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Continuing the family legacy might just be one part of it, you know? And I mean, I think kids are great, Conan’s a riot. If I could have a kid like Conan, I think I’d like to mate an omega and do the whole traditional kids thing with them for her.” 

They hadn’t really talked much about their futures outside of their pursuit of their careers in becoming world-renowned detectives to one another before, so this was the first time Shinichi had heard Heiji’s sentiments about progeny. While loud and brash, Heiji’s heart was always in the right place. However, his childish competitiveness might make it difficult for his future partner if they didn’t want to raise young pups as well as an adult-sized pup at the same time, with how petty Heiji could be.

Shinichi huffed, lightly blowing the hair from his face at the mental image. “Well, if she’s traditional about wanting alpha-omega grandkids and wants us to get together, I’m afraid she’s going to have to be sorely disappointed.” 

“What do you mean?” Asked Heiji, sounding mildly curious. “Do you not want a mate or something? Some people are like that these days.”

Shinichi snorted. If only it were that simple.

In modern times, people rarely talked about family legacy out loud in the public consciousness, but it was still ever present. Some people would stray and rebel against it, but these instances were rare and far and few between. Most of the time, the people rebelling against these expectations did so out of choice. “I don’t want to have kids.” “I don’t want a mate.” “I want a mate of the same secondary sex.” But Shinichi’s situation wasn’t some brave, outspoken statement against tradition. Shinichi’s situation was a disappointment.

At least the ‘official story’ offered a little bit of an emotional buffer from the truth. 

“No, I’m not against mates,” started Shinichi, stretching back until his shoulders cricked so he could keep working on their investigation notes. “The truth is, I can’t have pups.” 

There was an awkward pause, as for a moment the only sounds in the room were the busy scratch of Shinichi’s pen making the absence of Heiji’s drawn breath even more noticeable. 

Shinichi hadn’t told anyone in class this yet, since it never came up. Why would it, before they had reached fifteen? The story, as rehearsed, was that Shinichi had gotten into an accident when he was younger and had some of his internal organs removed in the process. The fallout of his infertility never mattered in school, aside from excusing him from physical check-ups with the school nurse in favour of private practices, so he hadn’t made a point of telling anyone. 

“Huh? What do you mean by that?” Heiji finally asked curiously, breaking the moment of shocked silence. He closed his case files and sat up on his bed, leaning forward with renewed interest. “You’re an omega, of course you can have pups.”

He gestured up and down at Shinichi like it was obvious, or like Shinichi hadn’t been paying enough attention during sex-ed classes. Confused, he sniffed at Shinichi’s errant pheromones in his room, as if double-checking Shinichi hadn’t somehow disguised his scent with blockers all this time they had known each other, and he somehow hadn’t noticed.

Shinichi huffed in amusement. As if he could have lied to his whole class about his designation, faked his heat absences and gotten away with it for years. He’d have hoped if he’d done something like that, Hattori was a half-decent detective and would’ve caught him out on it as soon as his Alpha senses developed.

“Nope, not me I’m afraid,” Shinichi said, capping off his marker and grabbing his own can of energy drink. Some carbonated bite would take the edge of uncertainty off his tone, and hopefully sell the Lie a little better.

“I got into this big accident when I was younger. It completely destroyed my reproductive organs and the doctors couldn’t put all of them back.” Shinichi gestured with his hands like one hand was a car headed straight into the palm of his other hand which met in a sharp impact, breaking his hands apart like a shower of fire. While Heiji pulled a horrified face, Shinichi cracked open the tab of his energy drink and took a swig, hoping his nonchalance would help deliver the information more casually so that Heiji wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. He didn’t want Heiji looking at him weird just because he was different. Well, more different than he really was, anyway.

“I have enough leftover to keep sending me into heat like a regular omega, but nothing that actually matters when having pups. I’m infertile.”

Infertile. A word he hadn’t had to share with anyone yet. A word that would now mark him to Heiji as different.

Heiji winced in sympathy, following the bob of Shinichi’s Adam’s apple and scanning the area on Shinichi’s abdomen where his organs would normally be housed. “Ouch. Was it during a case? I always knew these crime scenes following you around like the goddamn grim reaper would get you one day, but I didn’t realise he had already come knocking and you’d fought him off.”

Shinichi shrugged, relaxing as he didn’t notice any changes to Heiji’s demeanor towards him. It wasn’t really likely that Heiji would have been especially weirded out by finding out Shinichi was infertile and start treating him strangely, but it wasn’t exactly a topic broached commonly at school, so it was hard to predict a favourable response. Heiji seemed just as comfortable as ever, accepting this as just another fact he had learnt about Shinichi, simple trivia like knowing that Shinichi hated raisins. 

“Yeah, I guess something was bound to happen someday,” said Shinichi, brushing off an invisible piece of dirt from his sleeve. “I’m only glad it was my reproductive organs that got damaged and not something more important like my heart. Another ten centimetres up and I’d have nicked one of my arteries and potentially have bled out on the scene.”

Heiji grimaced at the mental image, imagining Shinichi with a perforated lung or equally grievous injury. He’d take Shinichi infertile over outright dead any day of the week. Heiji pulled a hand through his hair as he got up out of his seat to grab a new can of energy drink, preparing for a long night of picking Shinichi’s brain over the case.

He held the can aloft, softly bumping his can into Shinichi’s in a toast. 

“Here, here. Cheers to your continued life, Kudou!”

Maybe Shizuka Hattori had been eavesdropping, or maybe Heiji had simply just let it slip while apparently talking about the cases he worked with Shinichi all hours of the day, according to his parents and Kazuha. But somehow, Shizuka found out about Shinichi’s infertility, and she started acting strangely around him. She was more distant, reserved when she spoke to Shinichi, which was a stark contrast to her earlier doting. She was less enthusiastic about all the time they’d spend together, asking if Heiji wasn’t sure he’d like to invite one of their other friends over as well, since surely Shinichi would be too busy to solve the case with Conan also running around. It was like she wasn’t fond of Shinichi spending so much time with Heiji, taking up all his attention from his other friends. She didn’t mention it directly to Shinichi or anything, but it was easy to track her change in behaviour directly to the exact week Shinichi had told Heiji about his infertility.

Shinichi didn’t really mind if Heiji let it slip that he was infertile, he was familiar with Heiji’s complete inability to keep a secret after all. He expected that Ran, Sera and Sonoko would find out before the end of the month at this rate. He just didn’t expect the mother of his best friend to apparently have a problem with it.

Today’s case involved a cipher using kendo terminology, so it had taken the combined efforts of Shinichi and Conan to just barely match Heiji in the detective head to head. Unfortunately, the alpha had still won out in the end, figuring out where the culprit had stashed the murder weapon and tallying up another point to the detective of the west. Strangely, Heiji had conceded his well-earned extra points, agreeing to make the competition a tie because it wasn’t fair to expect the Kudous to know anything about kendo. It was declared a draw, but a hollow one. To rectify this, Conan had angrily hit the books, reading all the literature in the Hattori household he could find on the topic of kendo, and had fallen asleep on the couch. Noticing the pup snoozing soundly, Shinichi chuckled and grabbed a spare blanket from the closet, being about as familiar with the Hattori home as his parents’ manor. 

Conan’s glasses were falling off his face, so Shinichi gently pulled them off and folded them on the coffee table. Conan’s soft, pup milk-scent breathing fanned over his cheeks sleepily as Shinichi arranged the boy more comfortably on the couch so he wouldn’t wake up with a stiff neck. He heard a quiet clattering from the door, looking up to find Shizuka coming in from the rooms.

“Oh, Hattori-san, sorry if I disturbed you,” Shinichi apologised, greeting her with an apologetic nod of his head.

“Not at all, Shinichi-kun,” Shizuka said, acknowledging his greeting, though her tone was still slightly frosty. “You’re around so much these days, sometimes I find it strange not to have you around. I’m about to make some tea, would you like some?”

The backhanded comment was not given without notice, uttered as inoffensively as possible which was typical of a traditional Osakan host. 

Shinichi gave a polite smile in return. “You don’t need to trouble yourself for me, Hattori-san.”

But she waved him off with a delicate hand. “Nonsense, it’s no trouble at all. It’s just tea, Kudou-kun. I’d be remiss if I couldn’t even provide tea to my son’s house guests.”

Well, now it would just be rude if he tried to avoid her. Nodding hesitantly, Shinichi left Conan at the couch and reluctantly went to join her at the table as she heated some water and steeped the tea leaves in a fancy traditional-style pot. Shinichi could practically feel the tension buzzing in the air. He hadn’t realised before just how much Shizuka had liked him. Now that she was less than completely friendly, he felt like an intruder every time Heiji invited him for another sleepover. He hadn’t had a moment alone to talk with Shizuka since she’d started acting strangely around him, so it felt distinctly like they were once again distant strangers.

“Where is Heiji, leaving you alone in the house like this? I’ll have to scold him for not being a better host.”

“He’s in the shower at the moment,” Shinichi answered, using more formal speech as a show of respect. “On our last case, the culprit made a run for it, and Heiji had to chase them down a muddy field and fell over. I’m sure he won't be very long.”

And the alpha had looked every bit of a fool while doing it, he almost let the culprit get away in a slippery, mud-coated mess. Luckily, Shinichi had the foresight to call the cops before confronting the culprit, so Takagi was waiting for them at the park entrance with a pair of cuffs. So, that was a point to the detective of the east, if either of them really wanted to keep track.

Shizuka, of course, didn't know this, and simply let out a fond hum. “How valiant of him. But it’s only to be expected, this is my son we’re talking about.” She poured out his cup of tea with a smile, looking in the direction of the bathroom.

Shinichi smiled in return politely. “I make sure he doesn’t run head-first into too much trouble.”

“Hmmm,” Shizuka then poured herself her own cup, stirring it daintily. “Green tea is good for the health, you know, Kudou-kun. It’s good for the heart, digestion, high blood pressure. I hear it’s also good for expecting parents.”

Shinichi cleared his throat uncomfortably. Shizuka wasn’t about to do another one-eighty and start coddling him right after his heat cycles again, was she? But Shinichi’s next heat wasn’t for another three weeks at least.

“I didn’t know. But I’m not expecting anything like that, as I’m sure you’re aware, Hattori-san.” Shinichi’s voice had a note of finality. An indication that he knew, that she knew he was infertile, and to drop the pretenses.

“Ah, yes. Of course,” Shizuka pretended to remind herself, schooling her face into something apologetic. 

Suddenly, Shinichi didn’t feel like drinking the tea much anymore, even as it was sitting in front of him now, cooling by the minute. Shizuka had no such qualms, sipping at her cup and blowing at the light steam.

“About that. You know, it’s not very nice, lying to an alpha,” Shizuka said offhandedly, following up her statement with a soft sip.

Shinichi’s eyes sharpened on Shizuka.

“Come again?” He asked, unsure as to what lie Shinichi had supposedly told. Shizuka didn’t think he was lying about his infertility to Heiji, did she? What possible motive would Shinichi have for that? His mind raced a mile a minute, wondering just what Heiji’s mother was accusing him of. He paled as he considered the possibility that she might have guessed that the story about the accident causing his infertility was a lie. But there was no way she could know that. He was just being paranoid, surely. 

Shizuka’s face wrinkled into an unpleasant expression as if Shinichi was being particularly difficult on purpose, the fine features of her face in an upturned scowl.

“Heiji … has a responsibility to his father and I to continue the family legacy as our alpha son,” she said cryptically. She lifted the cup of tea to her face, blowing gently as if they were discussing some mundane business. 

"He's mentioned as such," said Shinichi, taking his cooler cup in hand.

“Call me old-fashioned, and I don’t expect a modern Tokyoite like yourself to understand, but we expect certain things from our alphas where we come from. And we expect certain things from the mate they choose for life. If an omega is unable to fulfill their duty to the house with their partner and fails to disclose this information before the alpha gets too romantically involved, it’s as good as lying, wouldn’t you say?” she asked conversationally, sipping her tea.

Shinichi frowned, but she continued, heedless to his reaction. 

“It’s deceptive, withholding such crucial information. It’s not fair on the alpha, who might not have chosen to court you for so long if he knew the truth from the start. And now, he’s in too deep to consider backing out, because he’s found that he ‘likes’ you.”

“I didn’t lie,” Shinichi interrupted, intolerant of Shizuka’s slander of his name. Like he had lied to Heiji to manipulate him into being his friend. It wasn’t like that. And she was being far too presumptive. “And Heiji’s not courting me.”

“Didn’t you?” Shizuka asked coldly. Her eyes flicked to a picture of Heiji and Kazuha on the wall, celebrating his first Kendo class. He was short, and the bamboo sword was comically oversized in his child-sized hands, but he was determined to brandish the faux blade in one hand in a display of strength for the camera, even as it completely threw him off balance so that Kazuha had to hold him up from behind. Opposite that was a recent photo Heiji had taken of him and Shinichi on a school trip to a recreated model of the Orient Express, both of them posing for the press after an attempted murder was thwarted by both of them.

“Surely you can see it," said Shizuka. "His heart is currently caught between two objects of desire while he still thinks he has a chance. Heiji’s always fancied a partner who can meet him toe to toe in an investigation. And now that he’s interested, Heiji’s gotten too invested in you to remember he has better options more suited to his true life goals. But with someone like … well. Someone like you, he doesn’t know what he’s really committing to. He doesn’t realise that someone like you won’t bring him happiness unless he gives up one of his life goals. Life goals are something that should have been disclosed to him from the very start before he started getting too infatuated. As a detective, wouldn’t you agree an omission of such crucial information also counts as a lie?”

The words stuck in Shinichi’s head like fine glass shards. There was that phrase again. Someone like you. As opposed to? Someone like Kazuha. Someone like Ran. Someone whole. Shizuka may as well have just slapped him across the face. It wasn’t like being insulted by someone who didn’t know anything about him or his circumstances who made assumptions like those nurses or other strangers long ago. She wasn’t a stranger. She was his best friend’s mother. Shinichi knew Shizuka, and unlike a sexist incompetent detective like Kogoro, he respected and liked her. Before she hated him for apparently ‘tricking’ her son, anyway. His stomach was starting to churn, and he was glad he hadn’t had any of the tea, or it would be threatening to make a reappearance as Shizuka dressed him down.

Shizuka elegantly placed her cup back on the table, folding her hands in her lap. “Pups are such an important part of a relationship, it’s important to make sure you’re both on the same page about what you both expect before you get into anything serious and waste your time with each other. It would be such a shame if he were to court and date an omega for several years only to realise you both have very different ideas when it comes to the future and he becomes too invested to give it up. I’d hate for that to hang over your heads.”

She sent a significant sour look at Shinichi's way, flicking her eyes back to the picture of Heiji with Kazuha, conveying her disapproval.”Initially, I had hoped to steer him your way because alpha-beta pairs aren’t traditional. Other houses back home may still disapprove. But ultimately, I only want what’s best for my son. And a defective omega who can’t serve their familial duties is not what’s best for him and will leave his lifelong duties unfulfilled.”

Shinichi grit his teeth, trying to not let his best friend’s mother’s scathing judgement affect him too much. He had liked Shizuka. It was clear from their interactions her opinion mattered a lot to Heiji, she had shaped him to who he was. If she disapproved of Shinichi because he was ‘defective,’ Heiji would probably be conflicted about it. But what was he even worried about? Heiji wasn’t even interested in Shinichi in that way. At least, Shinichi didn’t think he was. But, the more he thought about it, he thought back to Heijii’s strangely subdued score tracking as of late, as if he didn’t mind if Shinichi won their Detective-off so long as they were both happy having fun. It wasn’t like Heiji was mellowing out. If anything, the alpha got even more competitive whenever Hakuba was around, hyper obsessing over keeping score of every minute detail like he had something to prove. Or … someone to impress. Shinichi swallowed. Heiji never said he had a crush on Shinichi, but … given the evidence … Perhaps he was starting to get the beginnings of a crush.

Shizuka pulled a patterned fan from inside her sleeve, tactfully shielding the bottom half of her face with it as she avoided looking Shinichi in the eye. “It’s best if you make the move to step away now, before you make him choose between his mother, his duty, and an omega he’s only temporarily infatuated with. If you did that, Heiji might resent you in the future for making him make such a difficult decision.”

‘Only because her staunch adherence to her traditional values would make Heiji choose,’ Shinichi wanted to say. But he knew as a guest in her home, in her domain, he would have been the one stepping out of line. Just because he didn’t hold traditional values to the same extent as the Hattori household, didn’t make Shizuka’s concerns any less serious. So instead, he huffed, looking away from Shizuka’s eyes defensively. 

“Hattori-san, like I keep telling you, you’ve got the wrong idea. Hattori-kun isn’t interested in me like that.” 

He took the long-tepid cup of tea in his hands, keeping his composure impassive as he reassured her, taking a slow sip to show he wasn’t bothered by her accusations, trying to convince her she was worrying too much and seeing things and let her imagination get away from her. 

“We’re just friends. You have nothing to worry about.”

She scanned Shinichi’s face as he took his tea, eyeing the motion critically for any traces of falsehoods. “Then turning him down shouldn’t be a problem,” she said assertively.

He set down the cup with a confident clink, meeting her eye. “Fine. I understand Hattori-san.”

Sorry, Heiji. But I don’t think you should have a crush on me.

If Heiji really did have a crush on Shinichi, he’d just have to get over it. Besides, he’d have Kazuha. Shinichi didn’t want to be the cause for friction between mother and son in the Hattori household, especially if it was over something so inconsequential as infatuation. Heiji was so close to his parents, to his mother. It was clear Shizuka much preferred if Heiji’s partner was a beta who could actually help fulfil Heiji’s happiness to nurture his own family than  … someone like Shinichi. 

Shizuka openly breathed a sigh of relief at Shinichi’s declaration, sheathing her fan. The tension in the air throughout their conversation dissolved in an instant like a cloud of light cotton candy, leaving no trace it had ever been there, save for the now-empty cups of the most stressful green tea Shinichi’s ever had. 

“Thank you, Kudou-kun. I knew you had some good sense in you. I was worried for a moment that things were going to get complicated.” She began to clear up his now-empty cup of tea. Even as Shizuka had returned to being pleasant towards him, her cold demeanour melting away in an instant now that she deemed him no longer a threat to her son’s long-term happiness, the bitter tang of judgment lingered in Shinichi’s memory.

“You must understand, it’s not that I dislike you as a person,” Shizuka assured, frothing soft white suds to clean the teacups in the sink. “Don’t take it too personally. You’re a good boy, Kudou-kun. But what kind of mother wants their alpha son to court an omega who can never give them everything they need to fulfil their familial duties, who can never give them everything they want?”

Everything they want?

Heiji wanted pups. He said as such himself. He wanted to make his mother happy. His mother would be happy if Heiji realised his dream of having pups. Shizuka only disapproved of Shinichi because she recognised if Heiji pursued his crush, he was going to ultimately be unhappy. Because if Heiji did like Shinichi that way, he would’ve known better than to actually fall for him if he knew Shinichi was barren from the start. He supposed what Shizuka was saying was true. Shizuka didn’t hate him. It wasn’t anything personal, she was just being a good mother and making sure Heiji didn’t get too deep into anything he’d end up regretting because he didn’t know about Shinichi’s condition before he got his crush. She was just stopping him before Shinichi could hurt them both and Heiji resented him for it. Heiji would want to honour his parents, and he wouldn’t be able to do that with someone like Shinichi. Shinichi wouldn’t make Heiji choose between the approval of his mother and his possibly developing crush. Shizuka had a point.

What kind of mother would let their alpha son mate a barren omega?

Kids were too important to not talk about before they got into anything. He should have told them all sooner. Then, Heiji wouldn’t have gotten any bad ideas in his head in the first place. Now, Shinichi might have caused confusion between Heiji and Kazuha.

Of course, Heiji chose to come back into the room at that exact moment. “Man, I’m beat. Why can’t the culprit ever try to get away by running into a nicely paved, orderly street? I swear, I had wash mud out of my-”

Shizuka politely coughed into her sleeve, sending a scathing look at Heiji's way and daring him to finish that sentence. 

“Ooooh, ka-san. Uh, never mind what I just said. What were you guys talking about? Not me, I hope,” Heiji laughed, taking up post by Shinichi’s chair and leaning onto it.

Shinichi held his breath, more aware than ever that the alpha could have easily sat on his opposite side, making it easier for the detectives to talk facing each other, but had instead elected to stand where he could lean bodily against Shinichi’s seat, shadowing him. 

Did Heiji have a crush on him? Hours ago, it seemed so impossible. But now, Shinichi wasn’t so sure. Shizuka knew her son better than anybody. Perhaps all that teasing had been because she had really seen something Shinichi had missed. She had seen the smoke, and suspected fire, so she had asked Shinichi to put a stop to it.

“Oh, uh, just talking about when Conan and I should be heading back soon. We can’t spend all our time here solving cases, or our house will start collecting cobwebs,” Shinichi explained, as Shizuka sent him a covert approving glance at his explanation.

“What? But it’s late. You both can just stay the night again. Mom doesn’t mind. C’mon, I think I still have some of your stuff still sitting in my room from last time.”

Last time. Oh god, now that he suspects Heiji might have a crush on him, that makes That Incident last time sooooo much worse.

“Oh, I … um, can’t,” Shinichi tried not to notice Heiji’s smile dimming subtly. “I was supposed to email dad’s manuscript notes to him tonight because he forgot them for his trip. The deadline is tomorrow, so it really can’t wait.”

Heiji looked slightly put out that Shinichi wouldn’t be able to extend his stay. “Oh, I guess I can at least walk you and Conan home then?”

Shinichi sent a significant look at Shizuka's way. Heiji followed the look to its destination with one of confusion, wondering why his best friend had taken to deferring to his mother. “What? I don’t need permission to do that, do I?”

Shizuka elegantly shrugged, waving them off with an errant hand. “Of course not. Do what you like, Heiji. Just remember to respect Kudou-kun’s wishes.”

Her unspoken desire for Shinichi to express a lack of certain said wishes was left hanging in the air as Shinichi gulped nervously. 

With that, they both shook awake a grumpy, sleepy pup and heaved Conan over Shinichi’s back in a piggyback to carry him back to Beika Street.

Heiji tried to make conversation the whole way, with Shinichi only offering basic replies in turn. He didn’t want Heiji questioning him about what Shizuka said to him, as he’s sure doing so would form a rift between mother and son. So, he pretended to just be tired so the sooner they got Conan back in his bed, the sooner Shinichi could turn in for the night.

Weary of Shizuka’s warning, after that day, Shinichi stopped going to Heiji’s place as often. They still solved cases together, but Shinichi would make excuses to invite Hakuba to join their detective offs for a little more ‘competition.’ The half-Brit’s presence restored the competitive nature to Shinichi and Heiji’s dynamic, since if he had to keep score with Hakuba, it wouldn’t be fair for Heiji to go easy on Shinichi. Shinichi had also joined Sera, Sonoko and Ran in not-so-subtly shipping Heiji with Kazuha, encouraging the two to stop their endless longing and just go for it already. With his support of Heiji and Kazuha's relationship, a new line was drawn where one wasn’t before, firmly fencing off any burgeoning romantic feelings Heiji might’ve had for Shinichi. He wouldn’t want Heiji to waste his time with someone like him.

Heiji looked a little hurt and confused at the change, but otherwise accepted Shinichi’s unspoken rejection gracefully. He still liked Kazuha, he really did. Shinichi could see how they worked in tandem with one another. They bickered a lot, but it was always bickering for the sake of bickering. The issues they’d argue about were so menial and casual, it could have even counted as a strange sort of entertainment between them, almost like debate. Soon, it became common knowledge that Kazuha and Heiji’s ‘bickering’ was little more than an extra excuse to focus wholly on one another if they were in a ‘fight’ that was never even a real disagreement. Meanwhile, Shinichi and Heiji’s dynamic went back to something closer to the way it was at the start of the year, and he didn’t invite Shinichi to watch any new ‘midnight screenings,’ or other such strange activities that probably shouldn’t be shared between ‘friends.’ Things went back to normal. The next time Shinichi, Conan and Kazuha did go to Heiji’s house for a case and he saw Shizuka, she gave him a very approving smile as she teased Heiji about how much time he was spending with Kazuha instead.

Shinichi felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He took it out inconspicuously to check his messages, just in case it was the police texting him for advice on a case again, only to find Conan had covertly texted him for a private conversation while Heiji and Kazuha took turns vehemently defending their non-couple status to his mother. 

‘Ne, nii-chan. Did you do something to make Hattori’s mum not like you, or something?’

Shinichi looked down at Conan, who pretended to tease Heiji and Kazuha in front of Shizuka by ‘innocently’ recounting the story of Heiji falling asleep on Kazuha’s shoulder on the train one time with his big, curious eyes. His phone was hidden behind his school pencil case, where Shizuka wouldn’t notice he was texting while he was doing his homework. It seemed Conan was as sharp as Shinichi had been at that age, having caught the subtle changes since the first time Shinichi had refused an invite to the Hattori household after his talk with Shizuka. Shinichi took his phone under the table, quickly texting back.

‘No, she doesn’t hate me. You’re overthinking it. She just likes Kazuha more because Heiji likes her. Don’t take it too personally.’

Conan seemed unhappy with Shinichi’s response, like he wanted to say something and share his observations. But then Shizuka spotted his phone and promptly told Conan to do his homework properly without the help of cellphones. Shinichi put on the appropriate embarrassed big brother act, offering to walk Conan through his homework if he needed help and the pup quickly backed off, far too proud to accept any kind of help from his ‘embarrassing big brother’ and accepting Shinichi’s response to his texts with regards to the Hattori's behaviour. It was evidently true enough, with how much more Shizuka doted on Kazuha now that Heiji paid more attention to her. After all, if Shizuka actually hadn’t liked Shinichi, she would have simply not allowed Heiji to invite him over at all.

It was better this way. It was always going to be better this way. Someone like Kazuha would be able to make Heiji happy, where someone like Shinichi never could. And now, she even had Shizuka’s approval.

What Shinichi hadn’t realised about rejecting Heiji, was that while Heiji was torn between Shinichi and Kazuha, he’d been scaring other suitors off like a diligent guard dog behind the scenes. It turned out Shizuka hadn’t been the only one to assume Heiji and Shinichi might have had something going on. With Heiji and Kazuha now a firmly established item, Shinichi started getting offers at school.

As the conventionally attractive son of the hottest high school couple in Teitan back in his mother’s year, Shinichi became a desirable partner. People started asking him out, now that they knew he wasn’t seeing Heiji. With offers coming in, Shinichi was flattered. It was hard not to be, knowing he was desirable. Or, desirable up to a point, that is, as he quickly discovered. 

Mindful of Shizuka’s comments and not wanting to make a repeat of getting dressed down by someone’s parents, Shinichi made it a point to let people know what they were getting into when they asked him out. It seemed a bit awkward to bring up something so serious on a first date, so Shinichi paced himself to wait until the third date after he’d gotten to know his potential partner a little better first. However, this strategy backfired. The first person he started seeing was an alpha girl from Heiji’s kendo club who never plucked up the courage to ask him out, thinking he was already taken. However, when she found out Shinichi was barren, she initially thought he was joking.

"What are you talking about? Do you just not want kids? That's okay, it's too early to think about that anyway. You might change your mind later."

When he told her he wasn't joking, that he was literally missing the organs required to have kids, she told him she had to leave the date early, and consult with her mother. Since his news had been the catalyst to end the date prematurely, Shinichi had offered to pay everything while she apologised profusely. The next day at school however, she said her mother had expressed concerns about their future as a couple, as if she ever changed her mind about wanting kids herself, it would be riskier for the alpha woman to carry the pups, and he wouldn't be able to provide. So, she broke up with him.

The next person to ask him out was an alpha boy who thought he was just lying and that he didn't want pups until he had established a career.

"You don't have to lie to me, I get it. You don't want other alphas salivating after you after your heat so you just tell them you can't give them pups. But really, you want pups only after you've established a career, right? I heard that the police Detectives end up in dead end departments if they don't make a name for themselves early on."

"No, you're not listening to me," Shinichi implored, trying to make the alpha really know Shinichi wasn't lying.

"I actually, really can't. I'm not exaggerating just to make you think I'm putting it off. I'm actually infertile."

Once the alpha boy understood, he was weirded out by Shinichi, treating him like he was diseased or some sort of alien in the place of the omega he had once had a crush on. "Wow, um. Okay, so you're some kind of a freak then, huh? I mean, what kind of omega can't have kids?"

He started treating the relationship less seriously after that, like Shinichi was just a fun piece of ass to have on his arms used to make other omegas jealous and improve his own popularity. That ended that relationship pretty quickly. 

The next potential love interest was a male beta who was not only disappointed, but had been outright disgusted by Shinichi upon finding out about his infertility when Shinichi visited him in his classroom to break the new him about his infertility before their fourth date. 

“Are you trying to make fun of me?”

“What?” Shinichi asked, bewildered by the outright anger at his admission. “No, I’m just letting you know now, that kids aren’t in the future for me. So, if you want to keep dating me, make sure you’re okay with that first.”

The beta, Aizawa, stood up abruptly, knocking over his desk chair. “Do you think I’m no good? Huh? Do you think I'm an idiot? Is that why you lied to me?”

“I didn’t lie Aizawa-kun, calm down-”

“Stop acting like you’re too good for me,” he spat out, red-faced with embarrassment and disgusted. The beta grabbed Shinichi’s shirt, dragging him closer like he wanted to hit him. "I'll show you not to lie to me!"

Shinichi twisted, uninterested in getting his face punched in, and threw Aizawa over his shoulder so that the beta landed in a heap on the floor while Aizawa's classmates scattered, looking for a teacher. He crouched over the other student, pinning him down like a perp before he could get up and have another go at Shinichi.

Aizawa was undeterred, struggling beneath Shinichi and sucking in a shaky breath through clenched teeth to spit out a glob of bloodied spit.

“Fuckin’ dumb bitch, making me look like a fool. You think I’m not good enough to have pups with?”

“My condition has no connection on whether or not you’re ‘good enough’ to have pups with,” Shinichi replied, bearing his knee down harder on Aizawa’s shoulder so the beta couldn’t get up. “Though, given your violent reaction, now I see I’ve apparently dodged a bullet. Apologise now for calling me a bitch, and I might forget you just tried to hit me. Oh, and you can consider yourself dumped.”

Aizawa struggled harder where he lay under Shinichi, attempting to throw the other boy off.

“Stop acting all high and mighty like you’re the victim here, you’re the one who tricked me! Now, I look like an idiot!”

“Well, I don’t think you exactly needed help with that if this is how you’re going to act,” Shinichi said, slightly miffed he had ever seen anything in the beta to have dated him in the first place.

“SHUT UP. YOU’RE NOT BETTER THAN ME!” Aizawa shouted. He threw his head back with a burst of strength, bashing it against Shinichi’s nose sharply which caused him to reel back, his fingers coming away from his face bloody.

A burst of stinging pain erupted from his nose, stars swam in his eyes as the shock of the blow temporarily whited out his vision.

“Fuck!” Shinichi swore. The front of his face throbbed, warm and gushing blood as he lost his balance and fell off Aizawa.

Aizawa took the opportunity to turn the tide and push Shinichi crashing through the desks, hitting his back against the door which banged loudly against its hinges.

A fist bunched up his shirt under his collar as Shinichi was dragged bodily up the door, looking at the manic eyes of the beta. “You should be the one apologising to me! You humiliated me!” He accused, spittle flying as he shouted into Shinichi’s bruised face.

Shinichi scrabbled to get his feet under him, gain some footing under the other boy.

Aizawa pulled back his clenched fist, pupils shaking as he shouted. “Stop lying just to make me look bad for dating a broken infertile omega!”

Aizawa swung.

Shinichi screwed his eyes closed, bracing himself for the inevitable impact just as he heard a dull thud followed by a loud crash, but no pain came. Shinichi opened his eyes, wondering where Aizawa's hit had gone.

Instead, Ran stood in front of him, her arms held aloft in a fighter’s stance as she slowly lowered her leg from a mighty high kick that had cracked Aizawa’s head back before the teen had spun around and landed in a heap on the floor, knocked out cold.

“Shinichi, are you alright?” she asked, quickly taking out a handkerchief to wipe away some of the blood that now caked Shinichi’s face. “I came as soon as I heard there was a fight breaking out in this class after you left.”

“Ow, yeah, I’m fine. I don’t think he broke anything,” Shinichi replied, wincing when she dabbed away at a particularly sensitive area of skin. He’d have to see the school nurse, and probably get sent home if he was lucky. He hoped Ran wouldn’t get in too much trouble for him.

“What the- W-what on earth is going on in here?” Asked the teacher of the present classroom, huffing and slightly out of breath as he was stunned by the broken state of the door he just opened, which had been knocked slightly out of alignment of its wooden frame when Shinichi had been slammed into it.

Luckily, the students of Aizawa’s class were valuable witnesses who recounted the story accurately that Aizawa had flown into an emotional rage after Shinichi had admitted to his infertility. They had looked uncertain amongst themselves, like they weren’t sure it was their news to share, but they had to explain the situation to the teachers for proper discipline to take place. If Ran had any issues with Shinichi’s newly shared infertile status, she didn’t react as the teacher thanked her for quickly ending the conflict, but dressed her down for taking matters into her own hands, suspending her from the karate club activities for a month. They had to text Sonoko, Heiji, Kazuha and Sera that they had been sent home from school, and would be unable to join them for lunch that day.

It was dangerous to not disclose his status as soon as possible, Shinichi concluded, nursing his bloody nose in the nurses’ office accompanied by Ran, who refused to let him walk there alone in case any of Aizawa’s friends decided to jump him for revenge. Other people would become disappointed, disinterested, even violent when they found out after investing in pursing Shinichi in a relationship. If not them, then their parents would intervene, stopping their children from making the mistake of pursuing someone like him. The school didn't even suspend Aizawa, taking sympathy for the boy when he explained he was just betrayed he was lied to for a little over a month thinking he was dating someone Shinichi wasn't. The school didn't blame Shinichi for his 'part' in the conflict, but they still went light on disciplining Aizawa. Aizawa himself was then isolated to the principal’s office for further treatment, since they clearly couldn’t treat both students in the same space lest another fight break out.

“It’s not your fault, you know,” Ran said, when Shinichi explained to her his version of the events, which included the insults and demands for an apology made by Aizawa. “He didn’t have to get so angry about it. It’s not embarrassing to have dated someone who can’t have pups. You shouldn’t have to apologise for it.”

That’s not what Aizawa apparently thought, Shinichi thought grimly. His nose was really hurting him. He wished he could have just avoided this conflict altogether if he had just put off Aizawa from dating him in the first place. It would have spared him a bloody nose at the very least. He didn’t know how he was going to explain this to his parents or Conan when he got home.

Aizawa might've been the first suitor to react so poorly to Shinichi’s status as infertile, but he certainly wasn’t the last. Of the growing list of suitors looking to try their luck with the Kudou heir, alphas tended to react worse to finding out the truth than betas or other omegas, since it mattered more to them if he was barren. After the third alpha suitor stormed off, disgusted by Shinichi's 'lack of transparency' and ‘leading them on,’ Shinichi scrapped the ‘third date’ self-imposed policy and started publicly disclosing the fact he was barren as soon as any suitor showed interest after the first date.

It wasn't just the condemnation and disgust, but Shinichi himself was growing sick and tired of wasting his time and energy on lovesick suitors dreaming of a perfect future with two and a half kids, only to dissolve the relationship as soon as they learned of his condition, like he was only worth as much as his ability to carry future pups. He’d also seen more than his fair share of concerned parents instantly switch from overly nosy matchmaker to concerned caution for their precious (usually alpha) children’s futures should they pursue a ‘fruitless’ relationship with a broken omega like him. Not all of them called him a bitch to his face like Aizawa had, but he could have spared them all the time and effort if he hadn’t waited until that third date. Would their kids really be happy mating an omega who was unable to give them pups of their own? They needed to think long-term, not shortsighted infatuation. He’s just not commitment material, you know.

Aizawa hadn’t been particularly creative when he called Shinichi a bitch. The growing list of poor romantic experiences had him called a liar, a tease, pretending to be something he’s not. Someone like Shinichi should be more considerate of others who might get the wrong idea when he came to school smelling like a fresh bouquet of orange blossoms after a heat. It was humiliating to be dumped, wouldn’t he think about how the other person felt after being made a fool of like that? He was the perpetrator, if you really thought about it. He should tell people in advance before they wasted their time. So then, it became almost habitual, following up a confession before even the first date with a straightforward: 

“I can’t have kids.” 

It was short, sweet and simple. An easy way to shut down hopefuls that weren’t interested in omegas like him. An advantage to disclosing his infertility himself, was that it stopped rejected alphas from holding it over him as blackmail. If they thought he was ashamed of his infertility, he could be exploited for it. By disclosing the information early himself, Shinichi could control the narrative and spread the Lie about the accident on his own terms. By the end of the semester, his entire immediate class had heard that Shinichi Kudou was not 'dating material.' He still had the odd offer from clueless people outside of his class who watched him sub for the school soccer team, but the frequency of offers died down more once word spread enough.

Don’t ask that omega out. He may be gorgeous, but that omega isn’t worth it. He can’t have kids.

His friends might have denied it to try and make him feel better about the somewhat depressing growing history of rejections, but Shinichi knew the truth; people weren’t interested in serious relationships with a defective omega.

After that experience with Aizawa, it started off as just a way to get jilted suitors off Shinichi’s back. He didn’t want to get into any more fights. It was easier and faster to just apologise and appease bruised alpha egos if they thought he was remorseful for disappointing them with his condition rather than riding out the hours of complicated arguing and pointless confrontation. He wasn't in the wrong for everything they wanted him to be sorry for, of course. But at some point, Shinichi started to believe at least some of the things he was apologising for. 

Sorry for making you feel like you were tricked. Sorry to be a disappointment. Sorry if I wasted your time. 

It was his pheromones and post heat-scent. He couldn't help it, but they attracted suitors with the underlying promise of a potential mate. If people knew from the beginning Shinichi was defective, they wouldn’t have bothered wasting their time trying to court someone like him.

Like Ran, his other friends told him he didn’t need to apologise, he hadn’t done anything wrong. But they weren’t the ones who had to deal with the growing number of rejected suitors looking to vent their frustrations at being deceived by shouting at the deceptive omega who had humiliated them in the first place. They didn’t hear the comments and accusations and threats of violence. They didn’t understand Shinichi’s desire to simply apologise to be done with it and accept fault to spare himself the emotional warfare and close the chapter on the latest suitor. If he voluntarily put the blame on himself for being defective, the suitors wouldn’t get so angry, so disgusted, so disappointed. They could simply wash their hands of the whole affair because Shinichi was sorry.

Once word got out of the inner circles that Shinichi Kudou was infertile, other alpha students and some betas started seeking him out for more casual hookups. What’s wrong, he can’t get pregnant anyway, right? It’s just a little fun between the sheets, don’t be shy. What are you, too good for a lay? Those offers got shut down quick with a prompt kick into where the sun didn’t shine to remind those people just why Shinichi Kudou was frequently requested to sub in for the school soccer team in their Nationals season.

Assholes. 

If he was fertile, he was a partner to be. If he was infertile, he was just a fun lay. People defined him by his potential to bear pups, and he couldn’t even give them that. The Alpha from the Facility was right. Like any other defective product, he was useless. Kisaragi might not like it if she knew he was agreeing with Alpha on anything, since she had to unteach him a lot of things Alpha told him, but Alpha was right about this. He could see it with his own eyes, he’d experienced it himself from the social pressure. Kisaragi might have a psychology degree and could tell him all the pretty lies about how Shinichi ‘shouldn’t perceive himself by how society defines his social role in relation to alphas,’ but the truth was right there in his face. It was there in how people treated him once they found out. It was there in his face when he apologised and people treated him nicer for it. Knowing that people shouldn’t think the way they did about infertile omegas couldn’t defy the reality of how people treated him. The worst thing, was that he could only imagine how much worse all this societal vitriol would have been if anyone actually knew the Truth. If he thought the disgust was bad now, it would have been at least ten times worse if they knew he actually did already have a pup. At least Conan didn't have to deal with any of this. 

His only consolation was that he wasn’t alone in this for too long. The next year, a new student transferred to his class, a half-foreign girl named Miyano Shiho. But she was an alpha, unlike him. She was smart. She was born tall, fair, with silky auburn hair that just brushed against her shoulders in a cute fluffy bob cut with a taste for fine fashion. She was equal parts brains and beauty. But, she was born infertile. Having been born the way she is, Shiho was a bit more practised at rejecting people than Shinichi since she was a girl and had been dealing with other people’s disappointment from an earlier age, as depressing as that was. She cared less about what others thought, having lived this way her whole life with people objectifying her.  

People were a little more willing to be cruel to Shiho, too comfortable with singling her out for being half-foreign. While Shinichi was an omega who wasn’t real relationship material only because of his infertility, Shiho wasn’t even afforded basic respect in some interactions because she ‘didn’t count’ as a foreign-born alpha.

‘She’s foreign, of course she doesn’t count. I’d never date a foreign girl for real. Foreign girls are a fun lay because they’re more willing to do weird, freaky stuff than the local prudes. But it’s just as well she’s infertile, she wouldn’t be worth dating anyway.’

Knowing what it was like to be singled out, Shinichi told off the students who spoke badly about Shiho behind her back, and made them apologise to her. He didn’t care if it made them think he only felt bad for her because they were both infertile, they shouldn’t speak that way about foreign borns, infertile or otherwise. He and Shiho had formed a sort of tentative kinship after he had defended her, and she offered to share a table with him for science class ever since.

She understood more than others what he was going through, and so Shinichi appreciated being a little less alone in the classroom. It wasn’t nearly so strange to be infertile when he wasn’t the only one, and it offered him some relief.

Despite this tentative branch of kinship, despite not being the only presented kid in class anymore, and all the other changes that had slowly integrated Shinichi more and more into blending in as ‘normal’ as possible among his classmates, no one could know the worst of it. The Lie covered up the Kudous’ pasts like a silencer on a loaded gun. He felt on edge, like he was constantly just one slip up away from an irrecoverable scandal. It ached like a wound healed over. Like a fragment of a knife was still hidden away in the cavity where his reproductive organs once lay, embedded in the flesh and yet still sharp enough to keep bleeding from within whenever he moved the wrong way or too quickly. Shinichi was still hopelessly isolated. When he had these complicated feelings and fears, he couldn’t express them freely with anyone or the secret might get out. Shiho, Heiji, and Ran were out of the question. He couldn’t talk about it with his parents, on the off-chance Conan might overhear now that he was old enough to pick up clues if something was wrong with Shinichi, like he had with Shizuka. The only safe haven where he could think and process his emotions about the whole situation was in the privacy of his therapy session, where only Kisaragi was allowed to see his bottled up emotions burn him up to stay sane.

The best he could do now, was do right by Conan. So, that’s what he focused his energy towards. That’s what Kisaragi told him to do. To fuel his energy into looking after his little brother instead of the insults, otherwise he felt like he might self-destruct. Obviously, people noticed he cared for Conan more than might be expected out of a teenager his age, with Conan quickly learning the phrase ‘mother-henning,’ and complaining about it. But his parents were absent a lot now, and it was the only thing he was really good for anymore when he wasn’t solving cases. At least he still also had that. The police were still willing to work with an unmated, clean record teenage detective omega, and he wasn’t ever going to let them think differently of him just because some assholes at school couldn't take a hint. He’s now been around the force long enough to see real omega officers dismissed for less scandal to know better. Shinichi wasn’t even officially part of the squad to be afforded what little protection omega officers had with a badge. It would be far too easy for them to ban him from ever coming close to a crime scene again if anyone thought he wasn’t clean.

This was fine, this was enough. Conan was officially his brother and that was the role he’d been playing for years now. This was the Lie the Kudous presented to the world, and this was the Lie Conan believed. He’d started school this year, just like a regular pup, and it was all worth it. Conan had a completely normal first day, and none of the other kids thought him strange. Shinichi smiled as he had heard Conan nearly talk his ear off when he came home. He bragged about his big brother to his friends about how smart he was, and how he was going to grow up to be just like Shinichi. It just about made Shinichi’s heart melt. Conan could freely talk like a regular pup about their ‘cool dad’ and ‘pretty mum’ who both worked a lot, but made lots of money so they could live in a big house together. He bragged about how Shinichi had taught him how to hold a violin, and he’d be taking lessons soon to be just like his idol, Sherlock Holmes. Conan also made friends with three other pups and started a little Detective Boys Club with them; their first case was tracking down a missing cat. All Shinichi had to do to think it was all worth it, was to see how happy Conan was day after day, picking up soccer and mystery novel reading, walking after Shinichi’s footsteps without a care in the world with his amazing big brother looking after him, all because he didn’t carry the scandal of the Truth on his small shoulders.

The Lie succeeded. Conan was normal. Shinichi was pretty close to it. The Kudous were normal. Everything hidden behind the perfect porcelain masks and carefully woven lies had finally paid off.

He’d noticed a different alpha from another class looking at him recently; some popular kid from the next building who did magic tricks in the school courtyard for his classmates. He was an interesting fellow, his tricks growing more elaborate and grandiose whenever he noticed Shinichi watching, trying to throw off the detective’s calculating gaze. But, he hadn’t approached Shinichi yet to ask him out. Shinichi hoped the alpha would grow bored and give up courting Shinichi on his own accord; he really wasn’t in the mood to give another Talk and piss off some alpha from another class again.

Another year later, and that alpha boy was still looking.