Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

One in the morning.

The perimeter sensors beeping passively dragged Donnie’s eyelids back open. East gate to the airport following the road that used to lead into the parking lot. Donnie paid it little attention. The few survivors that thought about checking out this old airport usually went to the front door. Where the old brick wall and cement placard still stood. This assured Donnie that they had no reason to believe the place was occupied.

They weren’t being sneaky.

Ignore that the fencing was a perfectly maintained reinforced chain link. Or that normal airports would never have another fence with a trench of barbed wire stretched between a thirty foot gap. Whoever was here at one in the morning was looking for shelter and if they were desperate enough to cut through two fences and wrangle all that barbed wire then Donnie might let them stay the night and lick their wounds. The stripped airport upstairs just barely offered a roof above their heads. All the glass windows were broken long ago by storms. Donnie would one day replace them with blast doors.

For now they were just at the gates. A few other sensors chimed as they snooped around. Prodding at the area around the gate looking for signs of cameras no doubt. The exact reason there wasn't any installed. No one installed cameras on an unimportant fence. His computer painted light across the dark room with each one. 

Donnie rose from his bed. It was a hammock he tied himself and padded with a custom mattress. Stuffed with the filling from business class seating. He got dressed and pulled on his goggles fitted with night vision to sit over his head. Irritated wasn’t the right word, there were times in his life where he wished for this type of inconvenience. Getting out of his sleepwear and monitoring his front door was a luxury he should be thankful for. If this place was still just his home alone he might have gone back to bed knowing he had alarms and plenty of time if anyone started to snoop around his hidden doors to the basement and bunker.

This wasn’t just his home now. The office across from the large one he took as his bedroom and refuge belonged to April and Sunita (and Mayhem.) They may be temporarily gone now but they would be back in a few days. They would be back. He almost wrote it on a piece of paper and taped it to their door. Mrs. O’Neil had already put a cryptic message on her door next to the couple’s room about always being available if Donnie wanted to talk. She put them on the coffee maker, and on the fridge, then in the fridge on all the things he liked to eat when he was hungry enough. Days later Donnie still had no idea what those notes were in reference to.

The pressing issue was April and Sunita would return in a few days by a loaned out helicopter. If this group of survivors didn’t pass by the airport they might see an incoming helicopter in a few days and realize this is a base of operation for a group of (now) four people. That was no good as the base was still in beta.

He had to figure out who these survivors were and what they were doing this far out.

Begrudgingly Donnie sat himself in front of his computer. Old office chair creaking under his weight. The infrared on the outdoor cameras was shoddy and too far away from the fence. Nothing useful could be gathered about the group. A warning flashed that another sensor had picked up motion just outside the physical building.

Fear jolted Donnie upright in his seat. Wheels of his chair jerking over thin office carpet found in private waiting rooms and cubicle farms.

Not only was the airport surrounded by a fence, barbed wire fields, and a second fence. There were also rings upon rings of invisible sensors in the ground. They read vibrations and picked out footfalls of bipedal animals. After the sensors outside the first chain link fence pinged Donnie had expected a series of notifications following the group's trek over the grassy field to the building. Instead their approach was… impossibly instant.

He had just swiveled a camera on the wall to face the location the sensors said the group was currently at when the camera was flooded with light.

Lasers were the first thing that came to mind. Donnie used his fair share in the day to destroy the lens of cameras- mostly cellphones capturing him and his brothers crime fighting when they were teenagers. The image returned without signs of permanent lens damage at the same time a loud buzz echoed through Donnie’s quarters.

“Interior Breach Detected.” The robotic voice crackled through the old intercom system. Her voice was grating, a default voice option used by phone menus. Bootleg Siri. The same voice that would drone, “The number you are trying to reach is no longer available. Please try again.” Or for the context of an airport Donnie imagined eight years ago this voice announced delays and what gates were boarding. It echoed down the hallway and throughout the bunker.

Donnie switched to the cameras in the airport and found the group. All the pieces snapped together into a picture he didn’t want to think was true. The thought that this group was teleporting around was never allowed to surface because more of his family appearing in Nebraska after all these years wasn’t possible. Yet the towering figure walking past the airport's baggage claim with a spiked tail trailing behind them could only be one person. One mutant. One turtle. The camera didn’t need to show colors for Donnie to know the constructs of light around those huge arms were red with Raphael’s mystic abilities.

Without much thought Donnie yanked his tablet from his desk and made his way to the elevator. The charger fell off it somewhere in the hall. Heart beating into his ears too loud to notice the tumble. He was more awake than he had been in days. 

“Donnie-?” Mrs. O’Neil asked, popping her head out of her room (once a file room) behind him.

“Stay in your room, lock the door.” Donnie thumbed the elevator panel hard enough to break his brittle nails. “Unknown what is snooping around upstairs. I will contact you in a few minutes.”

“Promise?” Mrs. O’Neil asked, standing in the hall in her robe. Hair covered in curlers, but a crowbar in her hand at her side. Kept by the door in her room.

His remade battle shell skittered on six metal legs around her and into the elevator. Donnie’s eyes snapped up from his tablet as he turned in the elevator towards the closing door. “Promise.”

The second Mrs. O’Neil could no longer see him; he sucked in a deep breath that refused to fully expand his lungs. Sharp and painful like a gas bubble under his sternum. With an easy motion he grabbed his battle shell and equipped it.

Leo had portaled himself and Raph past all of his sensors. Everything made sense now and he could see they had a third shorter companion with them. As the elevator rose up into the basement of the airport Donnie wrestled with the decision to turn on the lights in the baggage claim. He was heading towards the next elevator and feared that the panel above the doors powering on out of nowhere might cause Leo to portal them all away in a panic. He hovered over the button to give them light, aware that it would be blinding.

The camera automatically switched to day mode, but the screen was a white out for a moment. When the picture came back Leo and Raph were back to back. Cassandra Jones perched on Raph’s shoulder with her trusty hockey stick and skull mask over her face. A fabric pouch strapped to her chest that she supported with one arm. The camera resolution offered little about their physical health. Donnie could tell Raph’s prosthetic right arm was too short. He could assume Leo’s arm would also need an upgrade as he had grown. 

“Mrs. O’Neil?” Donnie asked, not waiting for a reply from her side of the comm system. “Faulty sensor. I am fixing it and returning.”

“Oh thank goodness.”

Was lying wrong? Yes. However he would obviously be bringing Leo, Raph, and Cassandra down to the bunker below as soon as he made contact. The consequences of his deceit were calculated and accepted. Better to keep Mrs. O’Neil down in the bunker where it was safe instead of her racing up here to meet their new arrivals.

As he climbed into the next elevator he watched his brothers turn to the sound of his approach. There were only two floors to traverse but in that small amount of time Cassandra hid on the other side of the baggage claim. Clutching what Donnie now could see was a balled up blanket to her chest not a pouch or satchel. Raph and Leo ducked behind walls where they could see the elevator door but not be immediately spotted by whoever came out.

With a clunky stop the elevator dinged loudly jolting through Donnie’s heart and rippling to his brothers just outside the doors. The heavy automatic doors with dirt crusted in the tracks stuttered open. It was as Donnie stepped out of the elevator, floor dipping slightly as his weight left the car, that he realized he had no idea what he was going to say. There were bees under his skin. He found it hard to raise his head from where it was looking down at the tablet in his hand now showing a quad split screen. One showing his own statue-like body as it stood frozen in front of the elevator. Fingernails pushing against the peeling edge of the screen protector.

What did one say to brothers he hadn't seen in five years? After the fight they had? After they were right about everything?

“Donnie!” Leo cried, stumbling from behind the curved wall that would naturally funnel a jet lagged crowd to their luggage. His footsteps were loud and off balance. Donnie deployed arms out of his battle shell to brace against the wall behind him just before impact. “I thought this place was abandoned! I thought you weren’t going to be here! I-”

Leo had squished the tablet and Donnie’s frozen hands between their plastrons. Arms locked around and in between the metal extensions in Donnie’s shell. He raised his head up just enough to hook his chin over the cold metal of his brother’s prosthesis. Eyes slammed shut.

He could barely take a full breath.

His head suddenly swam as another form picked him and Leo up, squeezing them tight and letting out the loudest rumble filled laugh. A noise that vibrated Donnie’s teeth until he was almost sick with it.

“Donnie!” Raph laughed, swinging Leo and him gleefully. “I can’t believe Leo was right. You’re here!”

“I’m here,” Donnie croaked. Then he winced, throat erupting with pinpricks of pain. Throat tight like he swallowed a wad of cotton balls. 

“I cannot believe the blue one was right about this!” Cass said. “Great, now he will never forget this.”

Leo laughed and Donnie tried to hold himself together as that sound pierced him. “Dude, they complained the whole time. They told me I was nuts but I knew if you survived that shit with Bishop, you would be here.”

‘That shit with Bishop.’ A punch to the snout would have felt better.

Donnie nodded. “I’m here,” he repeated, letting the legs of his battle shell support most of his weight as Raph set them both down on the floor.

He turned his tablet back on, it had gone to sleep while pinned in their hug. Fingernails pressed along the peeling edge of the screen protector letting air bubbles form underneath.

“Donnie?”

Donnie gave a small jerk of his chin towards the tablet. “It’s not safe up here. Cass, Leo, and I can take the elevator to the bunker below. Once down there Leo can make a portal for you Raph, does that sound agreeable?”

As much as he wanted to look anywhere but the tablet he couldn’t. The same fear he had when Sunita, April, and April’s mom arrived a few months ago was back on full swing.

It had taken weeks for Donnie to sit in the same room as them.

He had spoken to them through the intercom for the first three days. They said it was distressing, they begged him to show himself. April took the hinges off a door to get to him. Then spent another sitting outside his mystic bubble talking at him. Donnie didn’t want to do that to his brothers but somehow being unable to look at them seemed worse than screaming at April from behind a purple shield.

“Uh, yeah D, let’s do that,” Raph said, off kilter.

Leo hadn’t let Donnie go completely since their hug. He had a tight grip on Donnie’s right shoulder with his left hand. Following Donnie close as he summoned the elevator and gestured for Cassandra and Leo to step inside before he did.

“Are you okay alone?” Leo asked, peering past a statue-still Donnie.

He still couldn't breathe.

“Raph will be fine,” Raph said, voice deeper than Donnie remembered. He was twenty five now and nearly twelve feet tall. Still scared of being alone.

A part of Donnie felt so guilty for not remembering that. It welled up painfully in his chest, scraping his sternum and boiling his stomach. “You can listen to us through the intercom, it is only one way up here,” Donnie said, tapping the appropriate panels on his tablet. “Testing testing,” his voice came through the speakers in the baggage claim, hollow.

Raph worried his hands on the straps of his many duffel bags. “That helps, yeah. Thanks D.”

Donnie hummed, the doors closed. Raph and Leo did that thing where they tilted as the doors closed to keep eye contact for as long as possible.

“You got tall,” Cassandra said into the silent elevator. “You're taller than Leo now.”

Oh, she was speaking to him.

Leo gasped, squeezing Donnie’s shoulder. “He's not taller than me!” Now he was hugging Donnie’s right bicep.

“He's an entire foot taller than you,” Cass said, laughing and gently bouncing that balled up blanket to her chest.

“Donnie, look straight ahead so we can settle this,” Leo said, dropping the arm hug and  standing straight next to Donnie instead. Arms down, chest puffed out.

A blue scarf caught Donnie’s eye. Knitted. Looked like Raph's work. The blanket looked awfully small, and also like Raph’s work.

Donnie was barely able to pull in a full breath of air. The idea of the world existing outside of the tablet showing the video feed of Raph was too overwhelming. They smelled bad. Blood. Soil. Body odor. The sweet pungent baked on sweat of days and days of walking. Donnie ground his teeth together not sure this place had even half of the things they needed- he still didn’t have hot water.

“We'll confirm I am taller and more handsome later,” Leo said, deflating and trying to dip into Donnie’s sight-line.

The elevator arriving in the basement gave him a good excuse to charge forward. “One more elevator ride then you can make a portal for Raph,” he told them, voice dead in a way he couldn't fix. 

This should be the happiest he had felt in years.

Everything was numb instead.

“Oh.” Donnie cleared his throat. “I should warn Mrs. O’Neil I am bringing you down-”

“APRIL’S MOM IS HERE?!”

Donnie’s tablet jumped out of his hands.

There was a war room. Something straight out of War Games or any disaster film where a government agency needed to have a cubicle farm seated in front of a huge floor to ceiling screen. Maybe Godzilla was attacking and they needed HD footage of black hawks shooting him down. The room came with an upper balcony that was still over Raph's head. Fifteen feet above the main floor. He would struggle to get up the spiral staircase but perhaps Leo could utilize that as his sleeping spot since he seemed attached to the couple.

Thankfully Donnie had plenty to tell them to keep topics away from himself. His brothers were overjoyed to see Sunita, Mayhem, April, and April’s mom had already made it here. They would be back in a few days and Mrs. O’Neil was happy to help Cass calm her crying baby after the yelling in the elevator incident woke them up. 

The baby had been a twist Donnie was still trying to wrap his head around. He was still not really processing the fact that his brothers were here.

Raph broke down into tears when Donnie explained that he and Mikey had infrequent communication via mystic ritual. A type of long distance communication spell that was piggybacked off an interrogation spell. True Intention Viewing. Tweaked for their purposes like using your college's printer for free coloring pages at the end of the semester. The bad news was Donnie tried to contact Mikey yesterday at their standing weekly time slot, but Mikey wasn't there. He had fled from Canada with Baron Draxum heading north and had to loop around the Great Basins (once the Great Lakes), stopping to help various pockets of survivors. Mikey didn't always have the ability to draw a new magic circle every Sunday. Donnie had a permanent magic circle with the specific mystic ritual laser engraved in an empty room. Surrounded by candles that were melting into the floor.

When Mikey got here he would love it.

Donnie would never tell his brothers that the magic circle was the first thing he made once clearing the airport. For years he dipped into the mystic plane for several hours hoping Mikey would have the same desperate idea. The day he entered to find Mikey there waiting was a memory with sharp painful edges. They wasted no time setting up a standing appointment to talk every week as Mikey and Baron Draxum made their way to Donnie. Once the pair were in range of Donnie’s helicopters April and Sunita could pick them up.

“I spoke with Mikey two weeks ago,” Donnie said. “He had just passed the Canadian border into Wisconsin.”

“I can portal too and from Wisconsin,” Leo said, but Raph gave him a harsh look. “What? I would need to stay a few days before making the hop back but I could do it. If it’s just me.”

“I don't want to lose you again, Leo.” Raph went back to carefully collapsing cubicle partitions and stacking desks along the walls.

All Leo did was shrink into himself. Raph asked more about the spell and how Mikey was. Donnie recited every detail he had so far. There were holes in Donnie’s retelling, he didn't want to admit to them that the mystic ritual’s original purpose was for interrogations which meant it was a little more complicated than plopping Raph or Leo in the magic circle. It wasn't like passing a cellphone over mid call. 

There was also no masking on the mystic plane. Emotions were louder than words. There was no tablet to stare at when he communicated with Mikey. The fear, guilt, sorrow, self-hatred, was all laid out for his baby brother to see and reach into. Weekly communications were five percent updates and ninety-five percent Mikey wrapping around Donnie. Holding their souls together until Donnie could feel his real self under all the layers of wax on his skin. Mikey was adamant that doing that was more important than his story after New York City fell. They would have time for that when they were reunited in the flesh. At the moment, on stage before Raph and Leo, he didn't have a way to explain that. For if Mikey wasn't telling Donnie all about their time apart, what were they doing every time they communicated?

Mrs. O’Neil returned from her room with clothes that Cass could borrow. All three of their new occupants had a bunch of clothes and gear that needed washing and she gathered up everything. She did all the kind welcoming that Donnie was incapable of. Staring at his tablet. Stomach cramping. 

Donnie stayed in the shadows of the room while Raph and Leo unpacked their duffels. Cass and Mrs. O’Neil fussed over the baby that Donnie couldn’t get near. Never being comfortable around infants even before the war. Human babies were never cute to him. Most baby animals weren't cute. They looked dumb and delicate and required more patience than Donnie could muster.

Every time he caught a glimpse of black hair and little fingers he wanted to know more. How did his brothers and Cass get a hold of a baby and why were they keeping it? Was it her baby? Body language told Donnie that Raph and Cassandra were now a couple. Could Raph be the father? Could mutants even breed with humans?

Here they were asking all these questions about him but he couldn't dig up any about them. Mrs. O’Neil asked all those questions while showing Cass the bathroom and didn’t repeat them upon returning. 

Not that it mattered. All of them needed showers, the baby included. Donnie led his brothers, Cassandra, and the baby to the shower room attached to the old employee gym. Everyone had been shocked that Donnie had functioning plumbing. Toilets that flushed. Showers that ran. Bidets and butt air dryers installed. Donnie stayed in the area (on the other side of the curtain for her privacy) while Cass showered herself and her baby. Donnie’s presence was required so he could manifest a heater around the water pipe with his magic. It only took the bite out of the cold water unfortunately. The baby still shrieked like it was acid. Raph and Leo jokingly complained that they were stuck with ice cold water while Cass had it easy. Or maybe it wasn’t a joke. Had Donnie incorrectly not prioritized hot water? The idea made his stomach hurt more.

Donnie was used to cold showers. Maybe they were a bigger deal to everyone else.

He wondered how hard it would be to make a small tub that would keep water warm specifically for bathing something baby-sized. Ideas for that filled his mind until he returned to the war room. Mrs. O’Neil apologized for desperately needing to go back to bed. She wasn’t as spry as them and it was approaching three in the morning.

“Why does the upstairs look so deserted?” Leo asked, with only a bath towel around his waist. Pilfered from a nearby hotel long ago. Donnie was a packrat when supply gathering. “You ripped out all the furniture?”

With every question Leo drew closer and Donnie found a new spot in the room to linger. Heart still beating painfully hard in his chest. Screen protector missing from his tablet, lost when speaking about April, Sunita, and Mrs. O’Neil. How they arrived. Where were they before? What was their story? Donnie hadn’t asked.

He barely spoke with anyone. Words were hard. Internally he was a nonstop string of them. Externally speaking without purpose drained him.

“Keeps looters away,” Donnie said, walking across the room to plug his tablet into a dead monitor on the wall. His hands shook and missed the port several times. “Upstairs will be the last thing I fortify. For now recordings of Kraang noise playing at night keeps most would-be fortifiers from staying more than a few days. I've only had to release rats twice.”

Silence followed. Leo was doing that thing where he casually hung around an emotionally vulnerable brother until his very presence made them open up. Only this time Donnie wasn't fifteen hiding in his lab. He was twenty-four and everything had changed between them.

“Go on man, keep talking, I've missed you.” Raph cleared his throat quietly. “Don't you want to tell us about it? Where’s the famous Donnie Speech Mode we’ve been dying to hear?”

Ah. The old Donnie would have been harder to shut up. He understood now why everyone was acting so weird. He should have seen it coming, April commented the same thing claiming that she had to pull information from him bit by bit. The old Donnie would have excitedly shown her every part of his airport. There was a wall between him and his work now. He hadn't done a single noteworthy thing here, had he? When he stared at his tablet he couldn’t even remember what he did yesterday. Something, he was always doing something on the forever growing to do list. Blacking out boxes and carrying on.

That didn't mean he couldn't talk about the allure of the location itself.

“Lincoln Airport, located here in Lincoln Nebraska, was more than an airport. It houses the bunker we are currently in meant to shelter a team of scientists during a nuclear war.” Donnie unplugged his tablet and paced the room before the monitors. Leo remained leaning against the wall below them with his bath towel sliding dangerously down his hips. The floor was not clean, his towel would get dirty. “I found out about it when I was nine or ten. Hard to be exact. I used to hack into government servers for money, a way to supplement the income our father received in royalties from his many movies and shows. One day some rich conspiracy theorist paid me to confirm this place was real. I have no clue what they did with that information, I assume coming forward with it would get a person on the CIA’s bad side. Ever since seeing this place I thought… if there was a Zombie Apocalypse I would make this my base. On whim I began drafting that base as a sort of hobby project. Something to occupy my mind.”

On habit he looked up. A reflex from addressing auditoriums full of the nation's brightest scientists. All eager to hear from him at one time.

As if burned he dropped his gaze back to his tablet. Head swimming. The phantom feeling of hot stage lights on his skin.

“You just casually had a plan for the apocalypse?” Cassandra asked, the baby was under her shirt nursing when Donnie accidentally looked up. It explained the lack of noise from it.

Her question made him pause. No, he hadn't predicted the apocalypse. “It was-” a coping mechanism. He forgot how much time he spent daydreaming about this place as a way to escape Splinter's absence in their earlier childhood. “I used to have this big notebook but-”

Suddenly Leo was on the other side of the room, completely nude as the towel hung in the air for a split second behind him. Donnie flicked his eyes from the tablet to Leo while his brother upturned his duffel bag. 

“This?” 

Donnie let one of his metal arms take the tablet so he could reach out and take the familiar book Leo was thrusting towards him. Bound by his own hand. Two inches thick. Pages all different sizes. A smorgasbord of colored tabs from several different tables of contents. The evolution of his handwriting was clear as day through ages ten to sixteen.

He backed up until his calves hit one of the chairs pushed to the side of the room and collapsed. 

“We had the opportunity to grab some stuff from the lair before New York City was-” Leo sucked in a sharp breath and waved his hand dismissively. “Anyway I saved what I could. Then we moved a few more times… this was the only thing of yours I was able to hang onto for so long. I think someone came across the lair between it being destroyed and us going back. Your lab was pretty picked through. Your room wasn't.”

He picked through his lab. Sentimental possessions were in his subway car, but he had assumed being gone for so long his brothers would have taken what they wanted already. He hadn’t entered his own bedroom. It felt like it belonged to someone that wasn't around anymore. The fact that Leo pulled this from his room after the fact meant a lot.

“What's mine is yours of course. I have not gotten around to labeling rooms or halls. When I arrived I took anything of value underground with me. Including anything that would make this place habitable from the outside looking in,” Donnie said, half opening the old book before closing it again. “There is a room full of abandoned luggage from 2020, feel free to scavenge through it you might find baby clothes, or at least some children's clothes.”

Not to mention the old Amazon Warehouse not far from the airport. Bezos paid for armed security all the way into 2024. By then most humans were in walled government cities, work camps, mass displacement occurred with executive orders to increase manufacturing. The warehouse had been a target for Donnie for all the tech. Computer chips, hard drives. The warehouse was picked through but maybe Leo and Raph could find useful supplies for the baby and themselves that Donnie overlooked.

“Raphael, when was the last time you had meat?” Donnie asked, pivoting to another topic.

“Oh Donnie, I'm okay.” Raph rubbed his hands together, hovering close to Cass and the baby while she nursed.

Leo was quick to jump in front of him, still completely nude. “He actually… is not,” he said, face darkening. “Mikey and I can go without meat but you and Raph need animal protein. I also will be giving you a physical D, you look a little skinny my dear genius twin. Do you have a scale here-”

“No need for a physical.” His heart thrummed painfully in his chest. “I have goats. For milk and for meat.”

“You have goats? I thought you hated livestock?” Cassandra asked.

Donnie nodded, fingers finding the tabs of his childhood plans. “I have automated their care which limits how much I interact with them. They eat the sturdier vegetation that has survived recent climate changes. Again, they cannot be outside as it would draw attention. They are in a movabled building. I move it around on the field outside over new areas of weeds and plants from time to time, there are skylights,” he added, before claims of animal cruelty could be made. “We could have one… this morning for dinner. What is this, no, I cannot-”

Cassandra Jones stood before him with the baby held out. Its chubby legs pedaling in the air, eyes wide with curiosity. A gurgling noise came from its throat. Donnie pressed back further in his chair, almost pulling up his old notebook as a shield.

“He has to meet his Uncle Donnie,” Cass said, handing Donnie the baby and grabbing his notebook off his lap. She put it on another chair nearby.

So.

Donnie was holding a baby by the armpits. 

First impression was that it was lighter than he thought it would be. Nineteen pounds by his guesstimation. Donnie’s hands were huge in comparison to the baby. He was so fascinated by how small the kid was that when the baby’s hands grabbed his thumbs he couldn’t be upset about the wet saliva feel. He was wearing a jade green onesie with a tyrannosaurus rex on it.

“Where did you even get this?” Donnie asked, turning the baby to look at its small ears. The baby had black hair that kind of stuck up in all directions. Bed head from Cassandra’s shirt. “Just curious.”

From across the room next to Leo, Raph leaned down and asked, “Why is he rotating Junior?” To which Leo shrugged, nudely.

“He came out of me, you weirdo!” Cass snapped.

The baby laughed, legs kicking in the air at the sounds of Cassandra’s raising voice.

“Can confirm I was the catcher,” Leo said, stepping up next to Cass and throwing his left arm around her shoulders, too short metal right one resting on his hip. She immediately shoved him away. “I was down there,” he said, staring off somewhere behind Donnie, “She was screaming, I was screaming. Raph was screaming.” 

Raph nodded sagely. 

“We were all screaming. It was great and my blood pressure was very normal then and it has been that normal ever since.” Leo laughed uneasily. “No one check it though.”

Leo spoke like Donnie shouldn’t have believed he would be capable of delivering a baby. As if Donnie hadn’t seen first hand how invested in the field of medicine his younger brother could be. Of course Cass and her baby came out just fine.

“Why are you holding him like he's a live grenade- here,” Leo said, adjusting the baby so he was sitting on Donnie’s thighs. “Put your arms like this-,” Donnie had to hold the kid’s chest and back to keep him from tilting too far forward or back as he craned his neck up to look at all the people staring down at him. “He's like eleven months old and he can hold his head up.”

The baby focused on Donnie. Mouth agape, a single tooth stuck out in the same way Raph’s snaggletooth drew one’s eye. 

“Who's the father?” Donnie asked, completely transfixed by the way this baby was looking at him. He had heard the baby say small words as they made the war room into their quarters. Momma. Dadda.

When Raph leaned too much against a stack of tables causing a sudden noise the baby looked in that direction, his mouth made a small o-shape. “Ah, uh, probably not me,” Raph said, rubbing the back of his neck. He started restacking the tables. “Cass and I hooked up casually before... catching feelings?”

Cass turned her head away from them. “Oh shut up,” she hissed out, embarrassed.

Leo lightly smacked Donnie’s shoulder a few times while snickering. Silently Donnie agreed Cass and Raph were a cute couple. In his lap Donnie allowed the baby to pull his hand away from his chest and move it around. Following the push and pull while listening to Raph.

“Heh. There were other guys between those times,” Raph coughed. “Guess we were both a little- shy.”

“You were shy,” Cass said, hiding behind one hand. “I was not.”

Donnie frowned, looking down at the child holding his hand out by thumb and second finger. “And getting pregnant during the apocalypse was a smart decision?” he asked blankly. 

Raph knew better than to not use protection. Raph never wanted children. Raph was being kind by saying there was a possibility that the baby was his. Maybe he believed a DNA connection would help them bring the baby into their family. 

Reproducing while the world was becoming less inhibitable every day was selfish and inconsiderate. This was not anywhere near the level of people having children when climate change was still slowly leading to their demise. Or when microplastic was found in every living species everywhere- Society was collapsing. The United States was currently broken apart and under martial law. Citizens lived in closed cities under strict rule. Why would Cassandra think having unprotected sex was ever a good idea with what was currently going on?

This child was absolutely fucked.  

Donnie had run the projections- Kraang would win the war easily by 2040. This baby would be lucky to see its thirteenth birthday, and if it did those would be a hard thirteen years.

“Fuck you.” 

Cassandra’s voice was dead quiet and full of hurt as she took the baby out of Donnie’s hands. The lingering sensation of little hands squeezing his fingers quickly fading.

Donnie blinked a few times, confused.

“Cass-” Raph tried, but she shook her head quickly and disappeared into the bathroom. “Donnie, come on man,” Raph sighed, full of disappointment. “Come on.”

Ah. He had fumbled that. Raph's exasperated tone reminded him of when he bluntly told April why she kept getting fired. People know when they make mistakes and it wasn’t Donnie’s job to inform them unless explicitly asked.

Cassandra hadn’t asked his opinion on her mistake to have a kid.

“Welp,” Leo said, doing an exaggerated goose step around the room. Chin to his chest. Still nude. Weirdly the too short metal arm was still on even though Raph had had his off since the shower. “This place have blankets?” he asked cheerfully. “Pads for sleeping? Pillows? April’s mom was on to something, it is late,” he said, with emphasis in Raph’s direction. “We're running on empty. I think we could all use some sleep.”

Donnie stood up, legs rigid. “Yes, follow me.”

Raph’s hard gaze followed them out of the room. Leo turned but seeing as he was following Donnie up and out of the room it was unknown what body language they passed to each other. Getting Donnie out of the room was purposeful on Leo’s part. Donnie wasn’t that oblivious. Some parts of his brain still worked.

“I suppose that question was a little crass on my part,” Donnie admitted in the hall. Storage was in the basement. Leo could make a portal to quickly transport bedding to their new quarters once he saw the area.

They passed by Mrs. O’Neil’s room and Leo hung back to read the note on her door before catching up with Donnie in the elevator. 

“D, it was unplanned,” Leo said, rolling his right shoulder. The prosthesis was probably pinching him because it was five years too small. “She used protection. Raph used protection. By the time she showed signs-”

“Terminating wasn’t an option?” Donnie guessed.

Leo gave a half shrug, less phased by Donnie’s lack of filter. “Uh, look, far as I’m concerned, until the fetus is actually born termination is always an option- but by the point we found out Cassandra was pregnant, she was far enough along that would’ve been a surgical abortion, not chemical and that,” Leo hissed through his teeth. They left the elevator as soon as the door opened. “Maybe, in another three decades I’ll be able to do surgery with portals and a lot of things will be possible. Even if we got the supplies for it, a surgical abortion was as risky as her giving birth so… I promised her and Raph that I would prioritize her life during delivery.”

Frankly that should be the way it always is, but Donnie knew Leo didn’t need to hear his own beliefs echoed back to him.

“Cass didn’t die. The kid didn’t die.” Leo shrugged again. “Even with me as the doctor I didn’t somehow fuck it all up. The kid is a miracle.”

“His childhood will be harder than ours was, Leo.” Donnie couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I cannot believe I have to tell you that-”

“Oh, yeah, it will be awful. Aliens are slaughtering us by the millions-,” Leo laughed emotionlessly. “Buuuuuut he’s not the only kid that’s having that childhood and he won’t be the last. It’s a touchy subject, Dontron. Cass and Raph never wanted to drag a child into this war- Our dad never wanted to drag us into his war-  but he’s here now, just like we were then. Shit happens. No one exists on purpose.”

That was Splinter’s excuse. Their father had other uncontrolled circumstances leading to him being a parent. He was kidnapped, experimented on, and decided to take the four of them with him instead of leaving them with Draxum. Then he left all of them to take care of themselves. Parentified Raph because it was easy. Said he never wanted them to fight The Shredder, but they did anyway. Then he hid his knowledge on The Kraang until they were invading.

Who knows what information their father died with.

“Now Junior was a surprise. We can excuse his presence,” Leo said, leading to something. “Those overalls you’re wearing are a calculated choice. What’s your excuse for bringing this into the world?” he asked, gesturing to Donnie’s clothes. “I’m all ears.”

“They were here,” Donnie said, not slowing his pace. “I only had to lengthen the pant legs to accommodate my height. The boots I had to make myself.”

“They're cute,” Leo said, hooking a finger around one of the straps and snapping it. “But oh man have I been keeping my mouth shut. You look like a mechanic from one of those porno calendars. You know, just, have one of those straps hang off your shoulder and bite your lip.”

Donnie stumbled, his battle shell arms automatically helped him avoid colliding with a door frame. “Thank you? I prefer the superior functionality of the garment. Note all the pockets.”

“I haven't seen you in five years and this is the first nonsense conversation we have?” Leo asked. “Overalls?”

“This conversation is hardly my fault,” Donnie shot back, just as amused.

They arrived at the large room Donnie had put all the furniture the airport had to offer. Couches. Chairs. Sleeping mats for delays. Rugs that could be rolled up. Weird statues and art pieces from lobbies and fountains. He powered on the lights and showed Leo where the luggage carts were.

“Out of curiosity, how did it go with Bishop?” Leo asked, loading up his flat cart with pillows and cushions while Donnie found blankets that used to be in gift shops and online commerce warehouses. “How did that fairytale he sold you work out?”

“I'm here, aren't I?” Donnie replied, dropping the plastic wrapped blankets onto another cart.

Leo stalled, giving Donnie an unimpressed look. “That's all you're going to say?”

“Would you like to talk in depth about the day you fumbled the key or can we both agree some mistakes aren't made better by looking back?”

“That's not-”

Donnie grabbed his flat cart and yanked it along behind him. “Take whatever you need,” he snapped at Leo. If he didn’t remember the way back he could portal.

“This is going well,” Leo grumbled.

It was cold out for March. Dipping into the low twenties. Even Raph had bundled himself in a heavy cloak. Tomorrow might be even lower in temperature, they could get snow again. Donnie missed weather reports. April and Sunita would be back tonight, their tracking showed them less than fifty miles away. While Donnie was capable of waiting on the roof alone, Raph argued the importance of being there as soon as the helicopter landed. Not wanting April, Sunita, and Mayhem to have to wait an extra second to see him.

“Sorry I implied Cassandra's spawn was a mistake.”

Raph took a deep breath while Donnie focused on the sky to the southwest. “Yeah,” Raph breathed out. “You should be. You didn't even ask what his name is.”

Donnie's mouth twitched. “What's his name?”

“Ask Cass,” Raph bit out.

“She doesn't want to speak to me,” Donnie said lightly.

“I wonder why,” Raph said behind clenched teeth. “I wonder what kind of moronic thing you might have said to cause that.”

“I said I was sorry,” Donnie said.

“Then fucking act like it.”

The air had a certain smell to it. Out this far they shouldn’t be impacted by the mining Kraang was doing. Occasionally they fling a Technodrome west to drill but the government usually damages them enough they crash. The mining can release gas clouds that stay close to the ground, suffocating anything caught in them. Donnie was more worried about the goats than himself. Especially now that he was feeding more people.

“D, why do you act like we're strangers?” Raph asked, looking out at the horizon with Donnie. Lights from distant cities could be seen much further than in the past. No more light pollution.

“Aren't you?” Donnie asked, tone robotic. “We went our separate ways. I made my choices and you made yours.”

Choices. The most awful thing they would all be capable of.

“What's this cold attitude of yours? No I’m happy you’re all alive? No asking about New York? Just stalking the edge of every room like a bratty introverted teenager?”

It was an attempt to rile him up. Donnie took the notes for what they were. He didn’t need to hover around them. They could find their way around the bunker and basement. Cindy O’Neil could answer their questions. Now that April and Sunita were coming back-

Well, was there a reason to be around Donnie at all?

Raph pivoted from foot to foot. “What happened with Bishop?”

“You're okay raising a child that isn't yours?” Donnie asked icily.

“You're really asking that to avoid my question?” Raph growled.

Donnie shrugged. Always better at poking his older brother than Leo or Mikey. Always capable of hitting the most painful spots. “Dad seemed to like us more when we were confirmed to have a connection to him through DNA. I'm not accusing you. I'm asking a point blank question. Just as you have to me.”

“I love Cass, and that little guy is her baby. It's a little tiny piece of her. Doesn't matter what else is in that kid, I'll love him forever because I'll love her forever.”

It sounded genuine. Not that Donnie was any good at understanding intentions. Bishop had sounded genuine too. From the first to last sentence he ever spoke.

“Are you guys sleeping okay?” Donnie asked as a follow up.

Leo, Cass, and Raph shared a bed. Donnie had a nasty habit of spying on his guests and when he noticed his two brothers sleeping with Cassandra he felt weird about it. Stepping into a bit of spilled water with a soft on weird. Lifting his foot to grimace at a damp sock. Only took a full day to understand that Leo and Raph were much closer now.

He wasn't jealous.

“Yeah. Best sleep in a long time D. In a long time,” Raph said, mentioning nothing about how he was sharing a bed with Leo and Cass. “Not all of us got cushy government job offers.”

Donnie made a small noise in his throat. Something guilty. A sensory flash of his old room at the EPF. Almost too luxurious with a memory foam bed, personal bathroom, kitchen, and entertainment area. All that space for one person. One very important person that needed to feel like they were an equal and knew it from the start.

“Well, the EPF is gone now,” Donnie said, voice emotionless. “I'm in the private sector now. All hard surfaces and zero pension.”

“Don't let Leo hear you say the word private he'll make it into a sex joke. He needs to knock it off before Junior can understand him.”

“Are you prepared to have Leo as your kid's Uncle?” Donnie asked, flipping his goggles down at the distant sound of helicopter blades. They’d be flying dark so as to not draw attention from those distant walled cities.

Raph shook his head in dismay. “No. Oh my god, no. He's gonna put red stripes on him and steal him away. Is that them?” he asked, tilting his head.

“That's them,” Donnie said, using his tablet to activate the glow on the landing pad. Just enough light for April to navigate to.

“I'm glad you haven't been here entirely alone, brother!” Raph yelled over the roaring heartbeat of the helicopter. 

“RAPH? RAPH!! NO WAY! OH MY GOD!” April could be barely heard from the cockpit, screaming with joy.

Both April and Sunita were out of the helicopter as soon as they could be. Mayhem bounding out after them, spinning and flipping in the air around Raph but dodging all attempts to be pet. Helicopter blades slowed. The engine died down. Donnie deactivated the glow of the landing pad and slipped inside unnoticed.

As if he was never there at all.

“April! Sunita!” Raph laughed. “It’s been so long! Mayhem! Buddy! You’ve gotten so big!”

The last thing Donnie heard as he went down the stairs was April and Sunita screaming and crying. At least they were able to give Raph the reunion he had expected from Donnie. With a racing heart Donnie escaped into an old coffee shop in the airport, navigating by night vision in his goggles. Then to behind the store down a narrow hall.

This airport was a labyrinth. Most airports were at a high risk of passengers accidentally finding themselves in employee-only areas and auto-locking doors. There were cases of people dying after getting lost in airport employee only areas. One of the first things Donnie did was remove those doors. Now he flew through corridors lined with conduit and electrical boxes. Dipped behind water tanks. His memory was sharp as a knife as he took a long winding path down narrow and tight metal staircases to the bunker below while Raph, Sunita, and April took the only way they knew.

As Donnie navigated through the airport backrooms he flipped through camera feeds to locate the group.

“We had no idea, but communication is always being surveyed out here,” April said, taking the stairs to the basement with Raph. “This place is supposed to be abandoned. Sure looked that way when we first showed up.”

“When did you show up?” Raph asked.

“Four months ago,” April said.

“How long has Donnie been here?” Raph asked, squinting.

Donnie slid down a random wall. Chest rising and falling. He watched Sunita suck in air sharply before sharing a glance with April. This was it. While Cindy O’Neil had been subtle, Sunita and April were mad and had no reason to lie by omission to Donnie’s brothers.

“Yeesh. Since he sabotaged Bishop? Two years ago?” Sunita guessed, lights on the wall in the basement casting weird glares on the camera through her translucent slime body.

Raph paused. “Sabotage? I thought they were found by the Kraang?”

“Yeah, when an entire secret government base goes to war with itself it tends to be found by the Kraang.” April frowned at Raph. “Who do you think started that war?”

Donnie rocked on the floor. Frantic attempts to massage the gas bubble expanding in his chest by pressing, pressing, pressing his fists against his sternum. Seconds turned to minutes. When Donnie found the group on the cameras again they were outside the war room.

“Uh, this is us,” Raph said outside the door. “We’re still settling in and catching up on rest.”

“Wait, you mean...?” Sunita whispered, the only one respecting the fact that Cindy O’Neil was sleeping.

“Oh, Raph didn't arrive alone,” Raph said, grinning.

In the war room the lights were on. Leo was struggling to build some kind of mesh baby enclosure in the corner. A task he eagerly dropped upon the door opening. Cass was on the floor on a blanket handing the baby various blocks. Toys found in luggage and mail packages that were stalled when air travel was shut down in 2020.

“CASS, LEO!” April shrieked, running down the stairs to leap into Leo’s uneven arms.

Leo laughed and spun April around. “Hey there big sis!” Mayhem trotted over to jump on Leo. Little nails scraping his dark carapace.

“And a baby!” Sunita gushed, falling onto the floor into a puddle before reforming. The baby laughed hard.

“Cass you had a baby?” April asked, giving Leo a shoulder slap to put her down.

“Leo is also here-,” Leo said, putting April back on the floor but stepping back away from the girls to stand proudly next to Raph. “Leo could have given birth, you don’t know.”

Raph smacked him lightly on the back of the head. The two of them smiled at each other with shaking shoulders. The girls gushed over the baby. Cindy O’Neil, cursed to always have people arriving when she was trying to maintain a normal sleep schedule, came to the war room too.

In a dark damp hallway lit by red emergency exit signs, Donnie watched them talk. About their lives. Funny stories. They laughed and hugged and soon Donnie was just watching a screen unable to hear, think, or assign any of it to memory. Limbs tingling with the urge to go dark. To silence his mind and fall away from the world. When the growing static tightened around his throat he went limp. Tablet balanced on his thigh, eyes staring unfocused at part of the ventilation system.

“He's hungry,” Cass said, an hour later. For whatever reason that was what dragged Donnie out of the fog. A basic need. Blinking and picking up the tablet to see Cindy was now back to bed and at some point everyone had gotten something to eat and drink. Tea, water, a dehydrated sludge mass produced for military operations dished out on plates. “My nipples hurt so bad he bites with all his strength,” she said, clutching the baby to her bare chest.

“Then use the nipple cream!” Leo said, shoveling sludge into his mouth. “Geez!”

Donnie hoped they were helping themselves to all the food he was canning. Desperately stock piling tomatoes, okra, green beans, fruits. The many greenhouses were working at maximum capacity. Sometimes the greenhouses were the only places Donnie could exist.

“He clearly likes the way they taste because of the stupid nipple cream!” Cass snapped.

“We’re looking for a pump!” Leo said defensively.

“Awwww of course he’s a biter, he's your baby,” April cooed.

“Humans are so weird, no offense.” Sunita added, then as Casey pulled her shirt down. She settled the baby on her lap Sunita frowned. “Why is his face like that?”

“That's his pooping face! He always poops when he meets new people,” Cassa said, poking the baby that had a very concentrated expression on his face.

April laughed, “But we’ve been here for an hour!”

“Delayed new people stink,” Raph laughed, a churr rumbling under his voice. “Runs in the family.”

April and Sunita whipped their heads towards Raph. “You're his-?” They asked together.

“Possibly! Maybe?” Raph said bashfully. “Doesn't matter really, Cass is my girl, that's my baby.”

April and Sunita squealed in delight, Mayhem cocked his head and made a confused warbled.

“Yeah yeah,” Raph said, hiding his face with one hand while Cass and Leo laughed.

They all acted so comfortable with each other. Donnie tipped over with the tablet in hand. Laying on his side to watch a movie he couldn't be a part of. Leo volunteered to grab their dirty plates. Cass went to change the baby. Sunita and April said their goodnights. Donnie almost closed the feed when he heard out of view from the camera, “Leo can I have a word with you?”

Raph's voice held an urgency that made Donnie sit up straight. Navigating to the hall camera. Following Raph and Leo as they walked together to the kitchen.

“Yeah sure. What's up Big Daddy?” Leo said airily.

Raph grunted. They both glanced at the door to Donnie’s quarters. Something silent passed between them. Donnie feared they were Mind Melding now, speaking in a way he wouldn't be able to hear.

In the kitchen the conversation became verbal again.

“How did Donnie act when you asked about Bishop?” Raph asked, helping Leo with the dishes.

The water and ceramic plates interfered with the audio. Donnie thumbed the volume as high as possible. The back corridor filled with the tinny noise.

“Not well,” Leo said under his breath. “I guess he realized Bishop was full of shit, but he didn’t want to get into it. We all know how Bishop's plan went, his whole network is gone.”

Raph grunted, stacking plates in the drainer as Leo finished washing them. “I'm just glad Donnie got out.”

“That's the thing.” Raph stood with his shell to the camera, blocking Leo from view and hiding both their faces. “April and Sunita said Donnie has been here alone for a long time.”

“What?” Leo asked, voice jumping up an octave.

Raph moved, Donnie could see enough that he was handing Leo a towel to dry his hands.

“No, Donnie said they've been here with him,” Leo said quickly.

“No. He never said that, he implied it, and Leo,” Raph sighed, “Stuff here isn't adding up-”

No this wasn’t happening.

“There's something off about Donnie.” Raph's voice made Donnie’s blood run cold.

Metal gonged through the back hall as Donnie flung the tablet as hard as he could at the air vents. Goggles almost crushed in his hands before he angrily shoved them into the front pocket of his overalls. Too precious to break those when he needed them to see. Kneeling on the ground he conjured his magic to form a forcefield around himself. Just big enough and dense enough to deafen the ear ringing screams that escaped his mouth along with the hard thump thump thump of his fist slamming down on his thighs over and over again. Anything to get the thoughts, the memories, the mistakes away. Screaming out so hard his throat hurt with it. Vomiting up his voice. Forming bruises and crying with relief when his own punches began to hurt enough to make the hits pause and hesitate. Struggling with the part of him that wanted to escape pain and the part that needed it needed it needed it to escape.

And when it was finally over he would collect the pieces of his tablet in the light of his purple markings and add fixing it to the never ending to do list. Always moving forward. 

Towards the edge of a cliff, but still forward.

Chapter Text

A full day passed. Donnie avoided his surveillance feeds for fear of what he might overhear about himself. If anyone left the base that day they used Leo's portals or Mayhem’s abilities to circumvent the sensors. More likely everyone wanted to rest and relax now that the girls and Mayhem were back.

Then it became time to attempt contact with Mikey. While Donnie might not be having the appropriate responses to situations; he wasn't so brain damaged as to quietly reach out to Mikey behind everyone’s back. He caught Raph that same morning and had a very terse conversation. Terse because Raph just had to ask if Donnie had been crying. Ignoring that, they got Leo involved and decided to find out where Mikey was. Leo was confident he could make the long jump to wherever Mikey was located, but getting back may require a day's wait for recovery. Distance being the most taxing part of portaling.

In the five years they had been apart Leo had learned as a teen he could accidentally sling portals long distances with little consequences. Lightning in a bottle. Portals that far with a purpose drained his energy. (Which was why they never were able to go back to Tahiti.) His portals were more precise now, such as sending errant nukes off into space a few years ago in a way that would have them leaving their solar system entirely instead of hitting Mars or Saturn. Donnie had also seen Leo making stash holes around the airport. Portaling into hollow inaccessible areas. Donnie wasn't the only one in the walls anymore. Leo had knives, blades, and throwing stars in little pockets of dry space. Some hollow pillars were full of rocks that Donnie knew Leo was planning to drop on an enemy from above. Later Donnie would show Leo the forge just so they could wordlessly arrange a way to spray the Kraang with molten metal.

That evening at six o’clock they gathered in the dedicated meditation room. A room Donnie had never shown anyone before so all comments about the room were immediately stored away to be over-analyzed in private later. Leo really loved the vibe the room gave off. Being the size of a tennis court and lined with metal tables and cinder block pedestals so coated in melted wax the cement couldn't be identified. He said it was like a room out of a video game with cults. The room was flickering and pulsing with warm candlelight. Ventilated by an exhaust fan giving a white noise effect. The walls were brighter than the center of the room with the magic circle. Raph enjoyed the rugs Donnie had placed. Stolen from various houses around the city of Lincoln.

The candles. The rugs. The atmosphere. It was all very important. Mystic rituals involved almost convincing magic to come sit with you. The living room had to be inviting and whimsical, just the way magic liked it.

“Can you teach us to do this?” Raph asked, respectfully sitting off to the side of the circle on a plush rug.

Donnie was on his hands and knees meticulously sweeping out the engraving where dust might accumulate. “I am not sure. You will need to talk to Draxum, Mikey and I formed a connection when we were still children and the spell involved developing an extensive framework. Much like your ability to Mind Meld with Leo.”

“When did you two have the time for special lessons with Draxum?” Raph asked, eyeridge raised.

“Right before the invasion. Us being children when we formed this connection is likely why we can do it from so far away.”

Children were naturally more open to magic. Literally a sponge for the unexplainable. The connection Mikey and Donnie possessed right now would be impossible to create today. The same could be said about the Mind Meld ability between Raph and Leo. Formed as children with so much potential it happened without hesitation. Adults understood the greater implications of these rituals which caused understandable hesitations.

Donnie continued after a small pause, “Draxum was very impressed when I could be all the way across New York City in the Turtle Tank and communicate with Mikey who was still at his apartment. Then he said some rather creepy theories about what he could have done with magic between us had we stayed with him from our creation forward.”

Which on one hand Donnie was deathly curious about where they would be today if they had a mystic upbringing. However Draxum hadn't viewed them as people then, just creatures. It was a question with no fun answers.

Raph narrowed in on something else. “Right before the invasion?” he asked.

Leo froze where he was anxiously pacing the back of the room. Uncharacteristically silent and letting Raph do the talking so far.

“Yes.” Donnie glanced at Leo, wondering if his twin knew how hard things had gotten for him and Mikey. “You and Leo were always fighting, or more accurately you kept taking Leo's bait. Mikey and I were tired of it.” Stressed out beyond belief. “We would leave and you two would never notice, always more focused on yourselves. Eventually we found a steadier home with Draxum. We spent the night at his place more than once. Too exhausted to come home. First he took Mikey under his wing, teaching him about mystic arts. I was curious too and this was one of the spells Mikey wanted to attempt that required another participant. I was the only one of us available and willing.”

What had started as Mikey and Donnie going to The Hidden City or meandering around New York City turned into staying with April during the cold days. April couldn't always have them over all the time so they hung out in her high school where Draxum worked. A natural friendship formed between Donnie and Draxum over botany of all things. Mikey used the time at the high school to drill Draxum about spells and mystic rituals. This bled over into going to Draxum's apartment. It was a floor above April's so it was extremely convenient. Donnie, without his twin, started to latch onto Mikey and Draxum. Before he knew it he was also an unofficial student of the warrior alchemist just like Mikey.

“This conversation can continue on at a later time,” Donnie said, gracefully sitting crisscross in the center of the circle. Hands folded together. “Do not touch the circle while I am in the trance. Goodbye.”

He caught the edge of Raph and Leo trying to say something but it was too late. He had successfully escaped into the mystic space. Alone. Terrified.

Without Mikey present the mystic space, plane, stage, what have you, took on a dark atmosphere. A stage light just on Donnie. A wall of blackness just outside the focused light. Only looking up did not show the source of the light. A being in good health might see this place as a cloudscape, a dreamlike meadow, a quiet forest, or in Donnie’s case when he was a teenager: A library.

Not anymore.

And likely never again.

Donnie took stock of how he looked. No worse than last time. He tried to make his body bigger to match the real physical twenty four year old he was. Supposedly his form was in his control but for months he had been stuck. The first few minutes Donnie spent trying to grow himself up. Then a childish sense of fear wrapped around him. Everything amplified until he gave in. Curling on the floor in a ball. Edges of his soft shell wrapped forward. His skinny tail tucked between his legs. Breathing wasn't necessary here, but Donnie’s body performed the sequence along with blinking back tears. His heart still thumped painfully against his sternum despite not needing to.

“D!”

Finally, a rescue.

Donnie wasted no time scrambling to his feet towards the other figure, bathed in light.

“Mikey!” Donnie cried out, jumping into the arms of his baby brother as he knelt down on one knee.

Used to Donnie looking this way; Mikey didn't hesitate to clutch Donnie to his chest and rub his shell. Specifically running his hand up and down Donnie’s underdeveloped spines. Donnie nuzzled his face into Mikey's neck, chirping and clicking like a baby. He felt and savored the feeling of one of Mikey's hands holding the back of his small head. A hot surge of magic taking the edge off a headache he hadn't been aware of.

He could feel the grimace on Mikey's face. Against the top of his skull while rocking him. Donnie almost wished they could stay like this forever. Snug in safe arms. No pain. No fear. Completely protected. Donnie had a rare moment to breathe deep and slow. He couldn't smell Mikey here, there wasn't even air here, but the action made him feel better.

“I am so glad you’re here,” Mikey whispered, smooching his head over and over. “You're okay D. You're okay. I'm sorry I missed last week. Were you waiting?”

“I haven’t missed one yet,” Donnie said, not liking that his voice came out so indignant. A child picked up late from school. “Where are you? I can send a helicopter if you’re close enough- there is some wind to contend with-”

Mikey held him tight. “We’ve had… The terrain hasn’t been friendly,” he said, sitting down and putting Donnie in his lap. Like this was natural and normal. After so many months it kind of had to be. “The roads are too damaged- And there’s Barry’s hip problems now- We’re in Chicago, we followed the edge of the dry lake.”

That was a big jump, but Leo had been resting. Making small stash holes but those jumps were barely anything to him energy wise. 

Leo would still be gone for a full day to retrieve Mikey.

Or longer.

“Hey what’s- what’s going on?” Mikey asked, able to read Donnie’s emotions like the warning lights on a car's dashboard.

Donnie hesitated, because this news should have him feeling better and he clearly didn't. “Raph, Leo, and Cassandra showed up six days ago.” Donnie didn't mention the baby as it was hard to explain why he knew so little about it. “I guess Leo, like April, took my whole fantasy about making a base in Lincoln Nebraska as something I would actually do.”

“D that’s wonderful!” Mikey cried, cradling Donnie's face. “Leo and Raph are okay? And Cass is okay? You have to tell me everything! What happened after- No, they don't hate you. Oh Donnie,” his elated smile became a pitying look. “Please just hang in there. I'm coming. I promise. I'll make it better D. I'll get my details when I arrive. I'm sorry. I don't want to overwhelm you, I shouldn't.”

Despite himself Donnie leaned into Mikey. Allowing his baby brother to stroke and pet his arms, shell, head, neck. Anything that would soothe him and fill that little part of him that didn't like to initiate a hug- but would eagerly take one.

That was why Leo was the perfect other half of their free time together. The slider was clingy and didn't care that Donnie rarely hugged back or reached out.

Leo just liked to give hugs. Donnie just liked to have them.

(Not that Donnie was getting any Leo Hugs these days.)

“Where in Chicago are you?” Donnie mumbled into Mikey's plastron. Chicago was a big city, likely torn apart. Donnie remembered them resisting martial law. The still intact government did not take that rebellion well.

“No. No no D. Leo shouldn’t, that’s a big jump for him.”

Donnie shrugged. “He is volunteering and he has been resting in preparation. I get the sense that everyone wants a reunion.”

“Do you?” Mikey asked, dragging the back of his knuckles down the sides of Donnie’s head.

A knife would have hurt less than that question and Mikey knew it because he started hugging Donnie again.

“Will anything really change?” Donnie croaked, hands curling against Mikey's plastron.

“You have to be open for it, D,” Mikey said, soft and reassuring.

Donnie was not an open book. He avoided everyone. He sidestepped the EPF over and over again because it was complicated. It was blurry too, his perfect memory wasn't perfect.

He didn't want to remember in detail why that was. He knew, he didn't want to know. He had to tell someone why his brain wasn't the same. Why he was slower. Foggier. Struggling with things he shouldn't. All these thoughts did was bring up shame.

“Having family around will help you.” Mikey was squeezing and releasing Donnie’s small hands. “I know you’re scared right- oh Donnie I know you’re scared right now but we’re your family we can make you feel better if you allow us to.”

It just seemed unobtainable. Avoiding everyone was so much easier. Why deviate now?

“We can do it without knowing details,” Mikey said, leaning down to press their foreheads together.

“Where are you in Chicago, Leo wants to know. He says no matter how sticky things are for you and Draxum- he will come,” Donnie said, worrying his hands together. “He will stay with you both until he can make the jump back here.”

Mikey sighed. “Barry and I are at this airport, because you kept mentioning a helicopter I thought there might be a chance one could land here but Barry wants us to keep moving- it’s Chicago Midway something? The sign is destroyed, the who place looks like it was destroyed-”

Chicago Midway International Airport. Donnie could work with that.

“But Donnie can you stay for just a little longer? I don't think you're okay-”

Having what he came for Donnie fell back and out of the world. The soft reassuring touches of Mikey ghosted over him as he was suddenly twenty-four again.

“Mikey is at Chicago Midway International Airport,” Donnie said calmly, blinking the blurriness from his eyes that was making every candle a plus sign of streaky light.

Halfway to the door Leo called out, “Woah, Donnie- wait come back-”

“Leo, just let him go,” Raph said.

“He's crying,” Leo argued, being held back by Raph.

“I don’t know what’s going on, just let him go.”

Outside the doors Donnie paused. Heart racing. Mind reeling. He wanted Mikey here now but didn't want to rush Leo. Instead he hung back out of sight to listen to their plan.

“Do you think you can make a portal that far?” Raph asked.

“Yeah-,” Leo took a deep breath. “I can do it. Let's gather up food and supplies. Make sure everyone knows where we're going and that we will be back.”

“Great. Let's go get Mikey, co-leader,” Raph cheered.

“Right. Right. You're sure you want to come with me?” Leo asked, voice dripping with doubt.

“Yeah, Cass has April and Sunita. I want to make sure you have someone,” Raph said.

“Thanks Raph.”

“Donatello.”

“Mrs. O’Neil.”

It was kind of ridiculous that she knew where he would be. The airport was huge, there were almost a hundred free standing buildings. Miles of runways. Of course instead of hiding on the edge of the airport where he would be unreachable he stayed curled under his hammock bed, tablet in hand. Scarred from his outburst but no longer broken.

“Have you been taking care of yourself today?” she asked, getting on her hands and knees to look under the hammock. She tucked the blankets that were hanging down up out of the way.

Donnie felt like a kid in a tent, scooting closer to the wall. Only he hadn't bothered to make the floor nice with pillows and blankets. It was just him and the thin carpet.

Oh, and that was a missing button from one of his shirts. He should collect that.

“Yes. I woke up at five this morning. Had two cups of coffee. Ran ten miles maintaining an average speed of nine miles per hour. I ran through intermediate katas with my wooden bo. I set up moisture meters in the greenhouses for better watering-”

“Donnie.”

Donnie swallowed. Looking over his tablet at her. Knowing what she was going to say before she said it.

“You are avoiding your family.” 

Plainly said. No wiggle room between the floor and the woman calling him out.

“Raph and Leo are in Illinois,” Donnie tried halfheartedly, now running his nails through the shitty pile of the carpeting. Hands dry from working with soil today.

Mrs. O’Neil ignored his point about Raph and Leo being absent. “Myself, my daughter, her fiancee, your brother's spouse, and your nephew are here,” she listed. “We are your family too.”

He didn't have an excuse for why being under his bed was better than out their with everyone else. This wasn't a well meaning brother at his lab door that could be shooed away with a project he was working on as an excuse. Donnie wasn't in the middle of anything at the moment other than wallowing in self pity.

“And I know when Raph, Leo, and Michael return you will only seek out Michael,” Mrs. O’Neil said, smirking.

The thing was, as much as Mikey liked Draxum, he still had the most sympathy for Donnie. After years alone with Draxum, Mikey felt more approachable than anyone else. Mikey still loved him. Maybe it was an unwilling love, something Mikey couldn't control, but it was there. Donnie could feel it on the mystic plane. Mikey loved him.

“Cassandra agreed to a truce. A do over. We're playing a board game.”

But Mikey wasn't here. And he wasn't in the war room with the group playing board games. No one in that room wanted him there.

“Which one?” Donnie asked.

“Doesn't matter,” Mrs. O’Neil said, as Donnie mentally pulled up all the board games he knew they had. His brain was able to do that at least. Cindy thought he was stewing on whether or not to join them. “We're playing and you need to join us. Donnie. Please.”

The little hint of begging hurt. Made his heart race. “N-no. I can't. Not today,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“The more you hide away, the more concerned your family will be.”

“I cannot control other people,” Donnie said, a memory of another conversation he had with himself. Rationalizing his actions because oh well, he couldn't control other people.

“Donnie,” Mrs. O’Neil said, waiting for him to open his eyes before reaching for his hand.

Smart considering others had been bitten over less. 

He reached out and took her hand. Callous and dry meeting smooth and wrinkled. No risk of the barely five and a half foot tall woman pulling him up and out of his nook.

She kissed his finger tips, leaned in and down under the bed (proving that yoga after fifty really did work) and made him touch his own fingertips to his cheek.

“My hands aren't clean,” Donnie warned. “I've been working in the greenhouse.”

As Mrs. O’Neil backed out from under the bed she huffed. “If I can single-handedly defend an entire nursing home from a pack of Kraangified snakes I think I can handle a few germs.”

“If you say so,” Donnie mumbled, watching her stand then leave.

The second the door clicked shut he felt a thousand times worse. Cutting away from the live feed of the war room just as Mrs. O’Neil returned. What did their disappointment matter when Donnie’s own was a thousand times worse. Washing over him in waves. Lemon juice on open cuts. Salt in a burn.

He was the scum of the earth.

“Donnie? Please? Please answer me?”

Donnie checked, then triple checked all the cameras. Leo and Raph were turning one of the many buildings on the property into a dojo. They were a mile away but with Leo's portals that time estimation was worthless. The girl's and the baby were rooting through airport luggage again. Pulling out clothes and fabric. With Mayhem their physical distance didn't matter. Then Baron Draxum was having tea with Mrs. O’Neil.

Aside from Huginn and Muninn, everyone could be accounted for. No one looked ready for a signal. It was unlikely Mikey was pleading at Donnie’s door holding a wooden box as part of a larger conspiracy to stage an intervention.

“I'm not there,” Donnie spoke through the intercom.

Mikey didn't startle, only throwing his head back in dismay. His hair was salt and pepper tied in a loose braid. “Where are you then?”

‘In the walls,’ wasn't a healthy answer.

“You won't come out to say hi?” Mikey asked, still talking to the door.

Donnie chewed on a hangnail before speaking. “Wait in there. I'll come to you,” he said.

Through the screen he saw Mikey hesitate before reaching for the door, surprised to find the handle clicked all the way down. It had never been locked.

“Okay. Okay,” Mikey took a deep breath before entering the room.

Donnie quickly checked for changes in behavior from anyone else. Everyone was oblivious to the fact that Donnie and Mikey were meeting up. Then, in the now forming dojo he spotted Huginn and Muninn weight lifting using bricks.

Not wanting to give Mikey the impression that he was nearby in the walls because he was desperate to talk to Mikey but terrified of doing it where someone might ambush them; he waited a full fifteen minutes before entering his room.

Way more lights were on than normal. All the overhead ones were on and buzzing instead of just the soft desk lamp Donnie normally navigated by. He didn't like the industrial feel of the white lights that marinated the halls of government buildings. Sterile. No personality.

“You're so tall, D!” Mikey exclaimed, coming right up to Donnie as he closed the door. “Wow, look at you. It's so nice to see the real you finally.”

They were hugging. Donnie was hugging back. Very aware of the two and a half foot difference in height that had him subconsciously leaning down. Looking over Mikey's shoulder he spotted a spread blanket along with some other objects he didn't get a good look at before the hug broke apart.

“I have it all set up. Get comfy,” Mikey said, using a bobby pin to wrap his braid into a low bun. “Short sleeves, but no shirt would be better.”

Donnie nodded stiffly. Getting his pajamas and undressing right there in front of Mikey. He hung his overalls up, and his hands shook when he unbuttoned his shirt. His undershirt, boxers, and socks were put in his laundry bin. Keeping the top of his thighs out of Mikey's view. The only time he left the room was in his pajama pants and loafer style slippers to use the bathroom, brush his teeth, floss, and otherwise prepare for bed. Goggles traded for ill fitting glasses frames and a weaker prescription. Silver frames contrasting with his black bandana.

When he returned, toothbrush in hand, Mikey was on the floor with a mortar and pestle making deep blue liquid. “Sit sit sit,” Mikey said, gesturing to the other half of the blanket.

Malleable and meek, Donnie sat. His bare arms showed the unfortunate scars from IV infusions. They riddled his arms and elbow pits. Mikey’s eyes landed on them but he said nothing. These physical scars weren't visible on the mystic plane they formed.

Satisfied that whatever he was mixing, had mixed he set the pestle aside and picked out a paint brush from his box.

“Leo wants a physical, but this won't stain,” Mikey assured Donnie, scooting closer and grabbing Donnie’s left arm.

A cool blot of liquid was painted on his palm before Mikey drew the brush up the inside of his forearm in a curve. He formed many circles up the length of Donnie’s arms, over his shoulders then up his neck to his temples. He went back and drew mystic ruins for healing, calm, relaxation, in the circles. He dabbed the brush in the mortar as needed, making sure Donnie’s left and right sides were symmetrical.

As the marks started to dry they went from deep blue, almost black against his dark green skin to a pale powder blue. 

“Good,” Mikey said, checking over his work before levitating the brush to do the same marks all over his arms, neck, and head. “Barry and I visited a lot of mystical places. Locations like The Hidden City, just not anywhere close to the scale. Some were the size of one house. A little pocket. Others like a sprawling village,” he explained, packing away his kit and getting up to turn off the lights. His paint just starting to dry and the color was slowly becoming paler and paler.

The room, (now lit by monitors and a warm lamp in the corner,) allowed Donnie to notice the faint glow. He experimented with his magic and found activating it made the paint glow a bright purple.

“Yokai think this invasion is a human problem,” Mikey said, sitting crisscross in front of Donnie so their legs touched. He took both of Donnie’s hands palm side up and placed his own hands palm side down.

Now the paint glowed bright orange. 

“They don't yet realize that once humans are gone, yokai are next,” Mikey continued. “I was healing yokai in exchange for herbs, potions, and salves. You should look at them. I have seeds for certain plants that hold healing and health benefits. They hold magic.”

Donnie would look into that. At the moment words failed. He felt a rush of energy but it was welcomed. Every tensed muscle in his back and shoulders went loose. His thoughts went quiet and neutral. The prying fingers of self hatred lost their grip and fell away. Slowly a visual hallucination clouded over him. Like he could see where his magic and Mikey's magic met. Morphing from two puddles of different colors running into each other to ropes braided together. Then something else made itself known.

Mikey was magically exhausted. Frayed.

“Do you need some healing?” Donnie asked, blinking out of the hallucination. “You look older than you should be.”

“Leo thinks I'm physically in my late forties.”

Mikey was twenty three. He shouldn't be twice his actual age. Donnie pulled Mikey into his lap and spread his palms on Mikey's plastron, determined to push energy into him.

There was a moment of resistance. Breaking the seal on a juice box before Mikey took a sharp breath inward then melted into Donnie’s hold, legs going limp.

“Ah, okay, okay- that's nice,” Mikey said, holding onto Donnie’s wrists with a loose grip. “I don't want to drain you.”

Donnie put his chin on the top of Mikey's head. Not used to the way his hair felt. “I am not using my magic past creating the perfect tools to physically use. Need a ten millimeter socket wrench?”

In the air he formed the wrench and Mikey reached out to take it.

“Far from the guns and canons I would normally make,” Donnie pointed out. “But an infinite tool box is its own gift.”

“Just,” Mikey shuddered. “Don't hurt yourself okay?”

Donnie hummed. There was a double meaning in that request.

“They're worried about you D,” Mikey whispered.

“They shouldn't be.”

Mikey spun the wrench slowly. Donnie found more words falling out of his mouth.

“I know Draxum wants nothing to do with me.”

He didn't blame the alchemist one bit. If the shoe was on the other foot Donnie would be holding a similar grudge. A lot of Draxum's personality felt like an echo of his own, especially their stubbornness.

“He's...,” Mikey sighed, the wrench dissipated into pea sized cubes then evaporated. “It shouldn't matter.”

“You're not going to rake me over the coals about Bishop?” Donnie asked, closing his mouth tightly afterwards.

Mikey shook his head. “No. I'm just happy you're alive.”

The bar was so low for Mikey's love. It was the only bar Donnie could trip over. Instead of thanking Mikey for that kindness he sniffled and pushed his glasses up the brim of his snout.

“I can feel things in there D,” Mikey said, referring to the mystic plane. “But if you want anyone out here to know what is going on with you, you have to tell them.”

“There's nothing to tell,” Donnie responded like a voice activated menu. Immediately and thoughtlessly.

Mikey continued with a concerned noise in the back of his throat, “What scares me D is I know there is more that even I don't know. I know I look like I'm near fifty, but you look like you're constantly braced for an attack.”

They were under a planetary alien attack. Donnie wanted to be snarky but he didn't have it in him. In his arms Mikey didn't either as he began to yawn.

“Crap, I am getting super tired,” Mikey said.

Donnie stopped pushing his magic into Mikey. “Ah. Sorry. I forget giving you some of my magic isn't without its own drawbacks-” he paused to jostle his baby brother. “Mikey?”

Ah. Asleep.

Donnie sat with Mikey like that for a moment before deciding that sleeping upright in his boney lap wouldn't be very comfortable. He gathered Mikey up in his arms carefully and walked over to his bed. A metal ellipse with a braided rope platform. Two layers of thick memory foam cut the size on top of a lumpy homemade pad Donnie sewed himself. Only ever feeling good where he had worn it down over the years. A double sized sleeping bag was spread open as the bottom sheet. Then the rest of the bed was various blankets and pillows. Donnie carefully arranged Mikey's body in the recovery position. Making sure his neck and head were at the proper levels.

Then he stood there.

Trapped.

Would it be wrong to get in the bed too? Mikey was basically unconscious. So exhausted he might not have the strength to stir and push Donnie away. Getting in bed with him felt intrusive. At the same time a little part of Donnie simply wanted it. Wanted to cuddle so badly he would rip it from Mikey without hesitation. The devil on his shoulder said Mikey would be okay with it. That he would wake in a few hours and Mikey would never know.

Was it so awful to hug his sleeping brother close? To try and soak up five missing years between choked gasps? Desperate to take take take all that Mikey could offer when he probably only meant to do the relaxation ritual then leave?

Donnie caved. Crumpled into his own wants and greedily ate up Mikey all night. Getting a blanket around both of them and shuddering in relief when an hour later Mikey woke up.

Because he didn't leave.

He made himself cozier. Nesting down in the blankets and wrapping his arms around Donnie’s middle. Permission to stay, and permission for the tearful cuddling that had already happened. When Donnie fell asleep in the middle of that, it was a hard deep sleep. Dropping his body off the face of the world.

“I can already see his mother's influence,” Baron Draxum said, holding the baby and turning it the way Donnie had. The baby responded by pedaling his legs and making faces. “Who is the sperm donor?”

Everyone looked at Raph. The embarrassed, panicked, expression on his older brother's face made Donnie laugh. Back in the walls watching all of his family members gather in the employee cafeteria for breakfast.

“Ah, well.” Raph nervously scratched the prominent scales on his jaw line. Giving him the kind of beard a bearded dragon had with a line of spines tracing the bottom edge of his jaw. “After an enlightening conversation with Leo, it turns out Raph was misinformed about- things. Even though Cass and I do not engage in the kind of relations that- uh-”

Leo stepped in around a bite of strawberry. Grown from the greenhouses. “He's trying to say he didn't know precum had sperm in it and they used it as lube. Heterosexual sex is grand, isn’t it?”

“I was also not aware,” Cassandra announced. “My high school teacher said all sex before marriage was a sin against god and refused to show us how condoms work because satan made condoms to trick us into tainting our vaginas.”

“What?” April said.

Baron Draxum stared at the duo unimpressed. “Ah.”

“Bear-Bear, why the face?” April asked.

“I am struggling to imagine what part of you would fit into her…” Baron Draxum said, passing the baby over the table to Raph. The baby was so small it could lay in the crook of his neck and it did just that.

“I see which of our dad's Donnie gets his social etiquette from…” Leo said dryly, Mikey nodding tiredly on the other side of him.

“We never had that kind of sex,” Cassandra said. “He is larger than both my-”

“We’re not finishing that statement,” April cut in.

“Then what were you guys doing?” Leo asked.

Cassandra took a low swig of her green tea, which was the max amount of caffeine she allowed herself while breastfeeding.

Personally Donnie could never deny himself caffeine. Just seeing her restraint made him curl a little more protectively around his thermos of black nectar. Yum. Hot printer ink.

“Ever hear of tribbing?” Cass asked, setting down her mug.

“Oh my god,” April groaned as Sunita burst out into giggles. “Do not!” she warned the now puddle of slime jiggling and giggling on the ground.

“Oh April,” Mrs. O’Neil cut in, “My best friend in college was a lesbian. I know what tribbing is.”

“MOM!”

Sunita squealed and became a flat sheet about ten feet by ten feet. April covered her face with her hands. Donnie still had no clue what tribbing was but could guess it was a sex act.

“What?” Cassandra asked, offended. “The head of his penis feels very nice-”

“No,” Leo said, one hand slamming on the table; He wasn't wearing his right arm, it was just a hollow sleeve that hung down. That wasn’t strange. What was strange was that Leo was wearing a shirt at all. Donnie should mark it on his calendar. 

“No?” Most of the table repeated.

“No no no no. No. No.” He pointed at Cass with his short arm, the end of his sleeve flying out before dropping and almost hanging into his tea mug. “You used his prongs?”

“How do you know about those?” Raph asked, shaken.

Leo gave him a disappointed look. “So you went ahead and confirmed you have them?” he asked. “Either way I know because if Donnie carried that quirk from his base species so did you.”

While watching the screen Donnie shrugged. That was solid reasoning on Leo's part.

“How do you know that about Donnie?” Mikey asked, trying to rub sleep out of his eyes.

“Ah ah ah-,” Leo said, in rhythm with that scene from Jurassic Park. Condescending finger waggle and all.

“Hold onto your butts,” Donnie whispered before he could stop himself. Days of him and Leo just saying random lines from movies visiting him just long enough to hurt.

“-Doctor patient confidentiality. Probably shouldn't have told you that he has penis prongs…” Leo said, holding his chin and looking down.

“He never told me!” Mikey complained.

“Did you ever ask?” Sunita asked, having reformed and rejoined the table.

April nodded. “Yeah Mikey, I'm willing to bet Donnie didn't volunteer that to Leo, his annoying ass just asked and Donnie’s very honest one responded.”

Donnie silently agreed with that assumption, taking another sip of his coffee.

“Ah, well. We were talking about Raph and Cassandra having unprotected sex. Not what I was asking Donnie during truth or dare. Also don't play truth or dare with Donnie. He always picks truth and has zero shame. You can't blackmail a guy like that. Do this or I'll tell Mikey you have prongs on your penis. He just stares at you and says: ‘No, Leo. I am not building you a scanner that takes the swimsuits off the models in your magazines that no one should know you have.’ God. Absolutely no fun!” Leo ranted.

“Well. Yes. That is what part of Raph was used. And. Uh. We know things now,” Raph said, taking Cassandra's hand. The other hand was still holding the baby securely against his neck.

“ONLY MOUTH STUFF FROM NOW ON!” Cassandra yelled with great enthusiasm as Raph let go of her hand to facepalm.

“So, Barry Springer, is Raph the father?” Leo asked. “C’mon, we’re dying to know if someone gave dad a grandchild post-mortem. Cheers pops!”

“Leo, why did you say that towards the floor?” April asked.

Leo shrugged. “We all know him and Big Mama are down in hell running the place.”

“Why must I be the decider?” Baron Draxum asked. “Do you not have blood testing?”

“Uh, not really,” Leo said. “If he has the same blood type as Raph, well his bio dad might have also had the same blood type? DNA sequencing isn't just holding up two blood slides and staring really hard.”

Baron Draxum sighed. “There is a possibility the child is his,” he said. “Since he appears fully human I would assume the rules follow yokai genetics. The carrier of the fetus is the dominant species.”

“Meaning...?” Leo asked, gesturing for Draxum to keep talking.

“If two yokai of different species mate, the offspring will always be the mother’s species.” Baron Draxum said, clearly wishing he had hidden in the walls like Donnie. “This was part of the reason I made you males, I didn’t want to risk complications with reproduction.”

“Well that’s not creepy at all,” Raph said.

“Apologies for not wanting my creations to die due to complications of carrying offspring. I am a monster, clearly.”

“So… if he is Raph’s son… he’ll look like Lou Jitsu and me, if we had a child?” Cassandra asked. “Because that's his dominant human DNA?”

“Possibly? If Sunita still had a cloaking broach we could answer this right now,” Baron Draxum said.

“How?” April asked.

“His cloaked appearance should be a snapping turtle yokai if Raphael is the father,” Baron Draxum said. “All humans have a small amount of yokai DNA in them from before the great separation, that is how cloaking broaches work. They are lenses that focus on that human part of their DNA inherent in all yokai to give the user a fitting human form. Then the opposite when a human uses one. If the baby only has Cassandra’s and an unknown father’s DNA his yokai form will reflect the traces of yokai DNA in the the more dominant parent bloodline. If Raphael is the father then the traces of Cassandra’s yokai DNA would be overrun with Raphael’s yokai DNA, seeing as his entire Y chromosome is a copy of Raphael’s.”

All humans have a small amount of yokai DNA.

Donnie’s grip on the tablet made colors on the screen warp around his thumb pads. He took a deep breath and forced himself to be calm. Somewhere near his hip his thermos of coffee slowly bled out into the porous concrete floor.

“It wouldn't follow the mother's line like the species?” Mikey asked while tying Leo’s right sleeve up for him.

“Not with cloaking,” Baron Draxum said. “It is based on who has the most building blocks. In this case with Raphael being the hypothetical father the baby would only have a chance at being a snapper with a cloaking broach on.”

“Cloaking broaches can have that much of a size difference?” Leo asked.

Donnie was more surprised they weren't customizable. Those thoughts were ignored for now as he stressfully listened for more information on DNA. If only Baron Draxum would be willing to talk to him. He knew the alchemist wanted nothing to do with him- and that was more than valid, but-

“Yes. Colors might vary but I would expect a cloaking broach would quickly answer this question,” Baron Draxum said, picking up his coffee and drinking. Wincing at the flavor of military instant.

“That’d be cool and all, but he doesn’t need to be blood related to me,” Raph said, carefully pulling the baby from his neck to look at it with a gushy face. “I’m kinda glad we don’t know for sure. I almost don’t want him to inherit the mess I am.”

Leo threw his hands up. “He could have Lou Jitsu perfect looks though? Have you considered this? His grandfather would be a movie star- You would have no issue marrying him off.”

“Nah, he doesn’t need any of that. He’s just another Casey for me to love with my whole heart-” Raph stopped abruptly, sniffing the air. A few around the table made a face. “I’ll be right back. Doody calls.”

“Eesh,” Leo grumbled.

“You're next, Leo!” Raph called on his way out the room.

“What? No!”

Cassandra cackled. “Suck it blue one! We’re forever coparenting!”

“Me being gay was supposed to prevent this from ever happening!” Leo complained dramatically. “I left my arm in my other shirt! This isn’t fair!”

Donnie would have listened longer but he noticed Draxum was getting up to leave and it was important Donnie find a moment to talk to him alone. If Donnie’s theory was correct it wouldn’t change anything he did, but it would put one of his internal debates to rest. A lingering accusation from Bishop that Donnie put the lives of a much smaller and insignificant population over another. That Donnie had lied and deceived the EPF when they were in their strongest position to fight back against Kraang. Irreversibly damaging their slim chances in this war.

The price of that betrayal wasn’t reversible either, because Bishop had a cruel side. It was forever a part of Donnie. Holding hands with why it was done so he could never truly explain it to anyone. A fate Bishop never considered because Donnie was never supposed to see his family again. Instead it was a punishment he found waiting for him the moment April, her mom, Sunita, and Mayhem showed up at his gate.

He wasn’t the same and he could never tell them why.

He found Baron Draxum on the way to lunch. The alchemist had taken over one of the empty buildings to start doing his research in. Donnie did not feel it was appropriate to ambush him in his own space. Instead waiting until Baron Draxum was on his way to the main building through the underground halls.

“What you said about all humans having traces of yokai in their DNA, is that true?” Donnie asked, as soon as Draxum rounded a corner.

Despite being taken by surprise Baron Draxum hardly blinked. Seeing Donnie made his posture stiffen and the grip on his cane increase. “Yes.”

“Thank you,” Donnie said, turning to walk away.

“I cannot believe you turned on your own kind. After I took you into my home,” Draxum said slowly, causing Donnie to freeze in his tracks. “Opened my research to further your skills-”

Donnie spun around and marched right up to him. Taller than his creator but trembling with every second before him. “I can't believe you think I care about your opinion of me,” he bluffed.

“April says you sabotaged Bishop.” A smile spread over Baron Draxum's face. “Before the Kraang found them.”

Donnie took several steps back. Having always had one foot in two different realities. One where the Kraang destroyed the EPF and he slipped away, and the other...

Well, Baron Draxum always said he was making weapons out of Lou Jitsus DNA. When it mattered Donnie was proof of that.

“The madman did it, didn't he?” Baron Draxum asked. “He had something that could kill the Kraang.”

“We had something,” Donnie clarified. His work with the EPF was horrific and often unjust- but they had a solution to the alien infestation. A pesticide.

“And you're the reason it never saw the light of day.”

Donnie found himself smiling. He did take down the EPF. With a flourish. With enthusiasm. Revenge was supposed to be the prize everyone learned to live without. But Donnie had it like a trophy on his shelf and in a way he was proud of it. He felt better for it. Even if it made him small, self-centered, or immature in the eyes of his betters.

He had it.

It made him smile.

“Thank you for confirming that all humans carry trace amounts of yokai DNA,” Donnie said, smoothing out his face.

“You did it to save humans?” Baron Draxum asked.

Donnie glared. “I made an educated assumption based on cloaking broaches and the Hamato Clan’s oral history to correctly guess all humans have yokai DNA. To buy time.”

“Buy time for what?”

“I believed I could convince Bishop to focus on a solution that would help yokai and humans… and still stop the Kraang,” Donnie said, noting that there were sensors in the same hall going off with a distracted look at his tablet. Someone was headed their way; they needed to wrap the conversation up quickly. “When a solution came about that killed yokai and Kraang, I stalled. I lied-”

“Why?” Baron Draxum pressed.

“Why?” Donnie repeated, deathly quiet.

Baron Draxum glared. “You created the gas used to hurt your own people. That is well known. You were on television assuring us the gas was non-lethal. You plastered your logo on every canister- yokai died because of you! Thousands were left permanently scarred. Why do that to yokai and not go all the way with killing us when you had the opportunity? Because you're more yokai than human? Because your family would die?”

Feeling it build in his chest Donnie walked away. He needed to be alone. Right now. The vapor weapons were not something he was capable of thinking about. The need to be alone eclipsed his memory that someone was heading his way until he almost smacked into them.

“D!” Leo said, clearly looking for Donnie before and now urgently needing to speak to him. Donnie quickly sidestepped him. “Donnie!”

“Not now,” Donnie snarled, using his hip to open a door. 

Leo followed him, catching the door. “Yes now, dude, seriously let me check you over.”

“Not necessary,” Donnie bit out.

He was vibrating with Draxum's words. He was a gong still ringing in the air. All he wanted to do was kick himself until blood streamed from his ears. Drown in the inescapable noise. Standing before a podium and saying all those things-

“It's been five years!” Leo called out.

“I'm busy.” Finally Donnie was able to slip out of sight, ducking behind a broken stair truck while Leo continued to jog in Donnie’s original direction.

“At least your height and current weight,” Leo bargained, going through another set of doors. “Can we talk about work life balance perhaps...-”

Leo went one way, Donnie doubled back. A portal opened in front of him and Leo threw a short metal arm around his shoulders. Before he could say something wise about Donnie’s attempt to lose him, he snapped.

“Fuck off!” Donnie snarled, grabbing Leo's arm and pushing him away. “Get the fuck away from me!”

Leo reacted with his own shoves. “Hey!” he shouted back, pushing Donnie into the wall. 

They fought. Leo seemed a little surprised by it but Donnie warned him. It was a grabby shouty fight because Leo was pompous and couldn't take no for an answer.

“Do you have any idea what you look like?” Leo yelled, having twisted Donnie’s arms around his back and pinned him to the wall.

“I never cared-”

“This place isn't you, Donnie,” Leo stated, grip tightening. “Do you know how weird it is to be reunited with a shell of my twin? Why isn't this place painted purple? Why isn't your logo on a single fucking thing- Where are your eyebrows?”

Donnie let himself drop to the ground on his knees, sliding against the wall. Leo's face hit the concrete bricks and Donnie swung his arm behind Leo's kneepits taking him to the ground with a bloody snout.

“I said fuck off!” he yelled, scrambling away from Leo.

“Why have you put multiple years into this place when none of it has any of the Genius Built Pazazz that it should-” Leo asked, holding his bloody nostrils and mouth.

Donnie started to get his feet under him when Leo crawled forward and yanked on his ankle. Slamming him back to the floor on his butt.

“Mikey says in your weird spirit radio spell that you're a little kid, D,” Leo said, blood misting between his fingers. “He says that means something is wrong with you.’

“One can control their form there,” Donnie said, kicking his foot until Leo finally let go. “Don’t read into something you don’t understand.”

“No, their emotions control what form they take,” Leo said. “Mikey says you have to be in a huge amount of distress to be taking that form.”

“Mikey can fuck off too then,” Donnie snapped, chest filling with righteous indignation. Mikey had no right to tell Leo that. He used the wall to stand up. Butt sore in two ways.

Leo stood up too. “You don’t mean that. The longer you avoid us the worse this gets D.”

“You all can't just fuck off?” Donnie begged, pointing at Leo with a rage that vibrated his skeleton. “You did it for five years, why not let me have another five without you? Why do you think I never reached out?”

Leo went pale. Donnie lowered his arm and looked down. Having seen Leo's face made him feel... not as good as he thought he would. On one hand they didn't get to show up and tell him he was a bad person. They didn't have that right. They didn't know anything.

They wouldn't believe him anyways and he hated it.

On the other hand... Why did he say something so awful just to hurt Leo?

“How do you not see what we see?” Leo asked quietly, and somewhat nasally. “You’re sick, you’re pale, y-y-you’re- Something happened with Bishop.”

Donnie sucked in air against his will. Short little gasps that turned into rapid breathing in and out. He shook his head not wanting to do this in front of Leo. “I didn’t want my logo on the gas,” he gasped, half bent over and braced against the wall. When Leo rushed forward Donnie staggered back. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t have a choice- I never had a choice- I-”

He actually really did care about Baron Draxum's opinion of him. Getting revenge on the EPF didn't actually undo any of the awful things Donnie was responsible for. At the time he tried to make the best decisions, but on more than a few occasions selfishness prevailed. Self preservation came first. The voice in the back of his head said long game without truly understanding the gravity of the aftermath.

“D, wait-” Leo called.

This time the chase wasn't successful. Every door frame Donnie ran into. Every snap turn. Every jumped flight of stairs. He fled from Leo. He paced a mechanics break room with spider webs hanging from drop ceiling to tile floor. He tore the fan unit off the wall. Kicked the fridge across the room into the table and chairs and sobbed next to the dried up watercooler. As hard as he hit himself he couldn't escape the memory burn.

“Was it worth it?” Bishop asked, from a surgical theater locked in the past.

“No,” Donnie weeped over and over.

Chapter Text

“Thank you all for coming to this meeting.”

Leo spoke in a truly strange room. Not the war room. Not the kitchen. No, it was the employee gym in the bunker. It was another room Raph could comfortably be in because Leo was speaking in front of a very high rock climbing wall. All the wall grips had been removed before Donnie arrived. He guessed (given the hard floor) some government agency decided to take it down. Leaving instead a gray painted wall with geometrical off shoots and spackled over screw holes. Leo stood on the top of a stair machine, powered off and serving as a podium while everyone else sat around him on the floor, weight benches, or nearby exercise bikes.

Everyone else as in literally everyone else. This wasn’t a show, a stand up bit, or every one agreeing on a board game. This was an emergency meeting.

“Well, not all of us,” Sunita said, from her spot on a row machine.

Leo waved her off with his short metal arm. “While Huginn and Muninn are useful, they're not going to be useful for this.”

“I was talking about Donnie,” Sunita said.

Cass was sitting in a way that allowed the baby to stand on the floor between her knees. He was at the stage where he could walk as long as he had a hand on something. “Oh he's here,” she said, smirking up at one of six cameras.

“Just like home,” Leo said, smiling dreamily up at the camera. The bruise on his snout was now visible, upper lip somewhat swollen. “So people, since he was going to spy on us anyways, I went ahead and invited him. Hello Donnie, we all care about you! We love you! Mwah! That kiss travels through screens!”

Yes. Donnie had received an invitation to his own Intervention. Of course they (Leo) chose the employee gym where there were plenty of cameras, and of course they (Leo) knew he wasn’t going to show up in person to talk about his recent behavior. Still Donnie felt the catch in his chest at having been called out for it.

“Were we supposed to write letters and read them?” Baron Draxum asked, arms crossed. “I am not doing that,” he said with a pulled up lip.

“No. Laaaame,” Leo announced, leaning over the screen of the stair machine. “I want the tea. Spill. We're all spilling the tea on Donnie,” he said, deciding to hook his leg over the railings on the stair machine so he was sitting in the weirdest and most uncomfortable way a person could on a piece of workout equipment.

“Wow Leo I'm sure that will do wonders for his clearly deteriorating mental health,” Raph said, blinking.

“Exactly,” Leo said, nearly falling off the railings of the stair machine.

With his tablet in hand Donnie started leaning the other way like he would do when playing a video game. Leaning and tilting to get Leo to stop sitting like that before he or the stair machine fell over.

“So. Six years ago in 2022, two years after I may have cost us the entire planet, my B, the EPF was the main force holding back the Kraang,” Leo said, deciding to stand on the stair machine as it momentarily teetered on two feet.

Mikey made a noise of disagreement. “Kinda feel like we also had a role in holding back Kraang, Leo.”

“And the brave yokai of The Hidden City...” Baron Draxum muttered.

Leo threw his hands up. “Wasn't aware this was a Stipulation Parade! With floats dedicated to the finer details! Wasn’t aware the semantics police were on the city’s payroll-”

“Leo, get on with it,” April snapped.

“Right,” Leo sighed, holding the railings of the stair machine and pedaling his feet in the air. “As we all know, but I will repeat so we are all on the same page... Donnie was our liaison between The Hidden City and the EPF until 2023 when he decided to join the EPF alongside Bishop. Putting a yokai, technically mutant, face to the human organization-”

Donnie frantically muted the feed. Unsure if he could handle this. As Leo continued to look down and talk Donnie’s finger hovered over the volume. Hearing their side gave him an advantage, but they knew he was listening. So this was a scolding.

A scolding that he deserved.

He unmuted the feed.

“-Yokai were divided, so was our family. We agreed to part ways and ultimately the mystic side of the resistance started crumbling. We lost the Hidden City. Then the EPF went dark overnight. The Kraang played janitor before we could even look for Donnie.”

It was a rather sanitized version of events. Donnie had received a lot of push back but with how powerful the Kraang are, fighting them just wasn’t an option. While his brothers wasted time getting themselves beaten over and over to save a city that was gone the second the portal opened- Donnie was the only one to realize sacrificing millions now could potentially save billions later. Donnie always was the realist, and perhaps the only one that was willing to push back against Raph and Leo saying they just had to hope in a hopeless situation.

“Given the way the EPF went dark, and how Donnie never reached out to us...,” Leo stepped off the stair machine and walked around to the front of it. “We assumed he didn't survive whatever happened. Also given that when we went to the lair and his tech was picked through but not his personal possessions, we never considered the idea that Donnie would leave his own room untouched. Therefore that pretty much confirmed his death in our eyes.”

Picking through his lab and taking everything of value, actual value and not sentimental value probably did throw his family off. Coming across as a looter of their home and not a ghost returning to a past life. He didn’t even take photos that were taped on the monitors or small gifts. The kind of things he now wished he had. It just seemed like back then... they weren’t his to take.

“But he wasn't dead,” Mikey said, hands clenched together in his lap.

“Right,” Leo said. “So, on that note Mikey and Donnie have a connection. Similar to the Mind Meld one Raph and I formed,” he said, nodding towards Raph. “Unfortunately we were cut off from Mikey, Barry, Huginn, and Muninn. Meaning Raph, Cassandra, April, Sunita, and myself had to let Donnie go.”

“Then when China launched the nukes, I panicked,” April added remorsefully. “I focused on saving my mom.”

“Which split us apart into even more groups,” Leo said, bouncing off her. “I heroically portaled the nukes off into space but I don't blame anyone for being scared I would fuck it all up. I do have a certain track record.”

No one reacted to that.

“So to recap,” Leo said into the awkward silence. “Two years ago we all got scattered. Team Mystic Alchemist being Mikey, Barry, Huginn and Muinn who needed to find a new way out of the fallen remnant of The Hidden City. Team Mayhem being April, Sunita, Frankie, Cindy, and Mayhem.”

“Frank's sacrifice for us will never be forgotten,” April said, taking Sunita’s hand.

“Team Baby-on-Board being myself, Raph, Cassandra, and two halves of a baby that fused together after a poor understanding of reproductive science,” Leo continued, nodding along with his own words.

On the tablet Donnie was braced for his part. His crimes. What he was doing while his family was split apart and scared out of their minds. Donnie even remembered hearing about the incoming nuke strike on his portable radio. He remembered Sheldon shutting the radio off for him, telling him to keep moving and if worse news came he would tell Donnie. In hindsight Donnie had heard potential news about his family all dying, turned off the radio himself, and still headed to Nebraska in a dazed state.

“But here’s the important bit,” Leo said. “Unknown to us there was a fourth team- Team Lazarus. Back from the dead.”

He looked up to the camera.

April stood up, taking the floor as Leo stepped back. “Donnie arrived here in Nebraska a few weeks after the EPF went dark,” she said. “He traveled at night with a fleet of tech dressed up in clothing to appear as a traveling group of very large people with very big guns. When we arrived about a year and a half later the airport was well fortified.”

“Barbwire and fences,” Raph said, now in charge of the baby as he stumbled-walked around. “Never seen a more aggressive do not enter sign. ‘cept of course the ones Donnie would put on his lab door.”

He too shot a knowing look at the camera.

Donnie hated to hear a fondness in his older brother’s voice. The scolding to come would hurt so much more.

“It’s also a fence that never existed in the first place. The creek and highways were enough of a barrier, and considering this is also a base for the air force to operate out of, trespassing here would get you in a lot of trouble,” April explained.

More accurately there were guards at one point and when New York City was attacked in 2020 the airforce all but cleared out of the base. Leaving none of their planes, missiles, and weapons (except the big ones Donnie was banking on the most, too unsafe to travel with and for now disabled. For now.) Not that Donnie had counted on them being here when he arrived but every empty building he broke into was another nail in the coffin. Starting from scratch.

He was damn lucky to have one decommissioned helicopter that he could fix.

“Well a huge metal droid pointing a gun at you before lowering it and saying your name is a really bad way to find out your best friend isn't dead,” April added with a snort, “But it was our first look at this place and even we could tell something... just wasn’t right.”

Mikey nodded. “This place is massive. I have spent days mapping it out,” he said, gesturing around. “He's farming. He's canning. He's stockpiling evaporated goats milk, making dehydrated meals, and there's a massive desalination operation which makes me think he’s working on a long term solution to the freshwater crisis. He’s farming hemp to make fabric, he has connected to a wind farm in Lincoln for electricity, solar panels on the roof of every building. He has robots doing menial tasks, and other very advanced ones as standby security.”

This was killing him. He was going nuts trying to figure out what he was doing wrong and what Mikey had a problem with, but he couldn’t stop and rewind the feed now because Mikey was still talking after a short pause.

“There are no logos. No purple. His bandana is black- if he wears one at all,” Mikey said, looking distraught.

Donnie reached up and touched his own face, bare as he was working on leak proofing a roof today which involved laying down tar with mystic constructs. Tar gummed up his robots. 

“His overalls are industrial blue,” Mikey said. “If he's only been here for two years, the amount of work he's done is obsessive. I feel guilty even being here. I feel safe for the first time in a long time? But this place isn't Donnie. It's like Donnie is the zombie of his own base.”

“He kind of treats us like his goats, rats, and bugs?” Sunita asked, and April, her mom, and even Mayhem nodded.

“Rats and bugs?” Leo asked.

“He just appears and runs down a list,” Sunita said. “Food, water, sleep, hygiene, mood, then leaves. Checking off boxes.”

“He's farming bugs?” Mikey asked. “He hates bugs.”

Leo waved all that away while moving the stair machine that he originally moved in front of the smoothed rock climbing wall to the side. All so he could pace back and forth while holding his chin.

“Here's what I think,” Leo said to the group.

Donnie forced himself to set his tablet down on a tool bench so he couldn’t easily turn the volume down. He was in a hanger not even connected to the building they were having this intervention in but he felt trapped in that employee gym with them.

“The little kid that would drag his notebook off into a dark corner and feverishly plan out a base for the Zombie Apocalypse whenever he was upset is still here. I was mad that he never reached out after the EPF went dark, but I don't think he was capable. I don't think it was a conscious decision to come here. The vibe is off.”

That hurt to hear. He had been incapable. So incapable that Sheldon had told him everything he needed to take from his lab. Explained step by step how to get to Nebraska. Donnie picked up a ratchet and started spinning it. The clicking filled the dark hangar. He never was able to fix Sheldon after Shredder killed him. When he arrived in Nebraska the second he recalled that small detail Sheldon stopped existing as a voice to guide his actions.

Things got a little rough for a few months, but the fence was up. He had goats. Farms. Enough to carry on truly alone.

“I think that little kid is still here,” Leo emphasized, voice cracking. “Only instead of being in the room with us he's in the walls. And whether we intended to or not we have interrupted a delicate ecosystem here. Scaring our resident recluse deep into his burrow. I don't want us to smoke him out, but...”

“He needs our help,” Mikey’s voice finished.

“We've been trying for months, Leo,” April said, sounding unreasonably heart broken. “I’m not sure there is something we can do that we haven’t already tried and failed at.”

“Well we won't try, we'll do!” Cass announced.

“That barely makes sense,” April said dryly.

Donnie came back over to the tablet, confused and wary of what he was hearing. Not anger, but sadness. Sad over his actions, his hiding. Calling him a child when he wasn’t a child he just felt like a little kid with a horrible lie and parents ready to take their belts off.

“I like that spirit but let's not hurt him,” Leo said, waving down their enthusiasm. “Before we attack him with our feelings, I need to look him over. Has anyone... Not to be weird, observed him without clothes?”

Immediately he locked on Mikey. Terrified of his baby brother telling them about his arms, the scars- the infusions. No, they hadn’t been on the mystic plane since Mikey did that relaxation mantra with him, but Donnie was paranoid he knew exactly what was happening.

“He has track marks on his arms.”

It wasn’t Mikey that spoke.

It was worse.

“What does that mean?” Leo asked Mrs. O’Neil.

The whole room was giving her their undivided attention. Donnie rubbed the inside of his arms while she spoke. “Scarring from using needles,” she said, calm but commanding the authority of a lead nurse. “I'm not saying he's using drugs,” she added as everyone made different faces. “They're scars, not wounds. He has IV catheter scarring on the inside of his thighs too. It looks like some sort of line used to be in his thigh, what vein would that be-”

“Great saphenous vein,” Leo said quietly.

“Scarring on his temples,” Mrs. O’Neil went on. “I saw him remove his bandana once to wipe his head off. They're healed.”

Were they that obvious? Donnie patted down his own body in the dark hangar with his eyes locked on Mikey. The only one staying quiet about this. Not even nodding along with the murmured discussion.

The only thing Leo said about it was, “Ah.” Void of any follow up. Caught off guard by the answers he was getting to his question.

“A lot of his behaviors remind me of the patients I had with, and there’s no soft way to say this... significant head trauma,” Mrs. O’Neil said. “Whether the electrode burns were the cause of that, or something else happened...”

“Electrodes?” Raph asked, leaning forward. “How did we get to that conclusion, who said anything about him being electrocuted?”

Shocked. Electrocuted was for a fatal shock. An electrocuted Donnie wouldn’t be here listening to this painful meeting. He guessed now he was part of the Stipulations Parade from earlier.

“I am just throwing out what I think is most plausible,” Mrs. O’Neil said calmly. “The EPF was sabotaged. We’re all guessing Donnie had a hand in that. He had scars on his temples that look like burns. He had a motive to take the EPF down. He exhibits symptoms of a past head trauma.”

“Like what?” Raph asked.

Donnie wanted to say thank you, because he didn’t like the version of events they were forming. It made him feel sick and scared. He wanted to curl up and not think about any of this but instead he was being forced to and he dropped his wrench-

“That’s fair, what are the behaviors that make you think he has suffered head trauma?” Leo asked the group.

“He’s dead inside,” April said immediately, speaking before her mom could but getting a nod from her. “Going through the motions but not really present, but also has these explosive episodes of rage where I think he’s too aware of himself.”

“What, directed at you guys?” Raph asked, face twitching. “He could just be frustrated with a project.”

Exactly. They were reading way too much into this. He was- he was fine. Being alone had been so freeing really and now that they were here he had some bad habits to unlearn. He needed to be more considerate about where he had his outbursts. That was all-

Touching the scars on his temples made his throat close up. Wasn’t even the worse thing really-

“No, not at us. He goes away. But, we’ve heard a few,” Sunita said.

“He’s clumsy. He stopped using tools because he drops them, now he just makes them with his magic so when he drops them or misplaces them he can just make a new one,” April said. “He sometimes doesn’t remember entire conversations I’ve had with him, especially if he looks tired.”

“I know this is hard for all of you to wrap your heads around,” Mrs. O’Neil said, “but we’ve been here longer and I knew him for only a short time before this, but he’s not just traumatized emotionally. He has a physical injury too. That complicates anyone's approach.”

Raph shook his head. “But they liked him, why- why hurt him?” he asked.

Ironically the electroconvulsive therapy hadn’t hurt at all. He had been unconscious for it. Just thinking about it made him angry and he went looking for that wrench that he dropped.

“I don’t think we’ll know unless we talk to him,” Mikey said. “And I know he doesn’t like talking about his time with the EPF because it upsets him. It triggers him. Like Leo said, planning this Zombie Apocalypse base was an escape. Now he’s actually making it as an escape and reacting badly when we try to pull him out of that bubble.”

“He has nightmares too,” Mrs. O’Neil said to a room that wasn't going to even act surprised anymore. Mentally Donnie raked over every nightmare, embarrassed that Mrs. O’Neil heard him.

Freaking out about what he might have said. Rapping his knuckles with the handle of the ratchet to keep the panic away.

“He flinches if we accidentally sneak up on him,” April said. “More in line with the PTSD angle than past brain damage, but thought I’d mention it.”

The room agreed. More people pulled him apart. He didn't flinch, did he? Maybe he did. Maybe he exploded- Leo’s bruised face was his doing, his fault- but- but he mostly did that alone except when he couldn’t be alone. Maybe he was weird but- but he could do better.

“Okay,” Leo rubbed his temples and tapped the stair machine at a loss. “What the hell did the EPF do to him?”

Before Donnie could hear any guesses he turned the tablet off. If he had to rate how awful this intervention was he'd give it a twenty out of ten. They were organizing and just like Leo's kiss that traveled through screens: there was no escaping it.

The horrible feeling of knowing everyone was on to him and he was running out of escape routes rose up his throat. Burning and tasting like coffee. He tried to clear his throat while smacking the handle of the wrench harder and harder against his knuckles. Skin broken, a metallic smell, the wet sticky texture of blood seeping in the folds of skin between his thumb and first finger.

The future loomed in a bunker in Nebraska.

Chapter Text

Donnie lasted three weeks after The Intervention. Casey turned one. Donnie attended his party through a screen. Watched them sing happy birthday and take photos. Casey had apple pie with whip cream made of goat's milk. He made a mess of himself and Cassandra took a hundred photos with a disposable camera. No one brought up Donnie’s absence, but they all glanced up at the cameras from time to time.

Mayhem and Leo were Donnie’s largest threats. Teleportation gave them an unfair advantage but Donnie had the lesser thought of home field advantage. He had places and rooms Leo and Mayhem didn't know about. For the most part even since The Intervention he had avoided everyone. Even with Huginn and Muninn flying through the vents he had stayed unspotted. Hearing his family report back to each other like Donnie was a rare bird they were all desperate to spot. Noting his color and the condition of his feathers. Was he finding enough grubs? Where was his nest?

He made one exception in his avoidance of everyone. He upheld his standing appointment with Mikey. Though he had to draw the magic circle somewhere else, his baby brother didn't use the time to guilt him. Instead they hugged. Donnie curled up in Mikey's lap for an hour, then two, then on the last appointment: four. The last time Donnie barely broke out of the circle before Leo was on him. Maybe Mikey didn't guilt Donnie into talking, but he did agree to keep Donnie distracted once a week.

Their persistence was his undoing. The letters taped to walls, shoved under door cracks. Donnie hated them. His pockets were stuffed with hard bricks of folded up papers. Unable to compost them. Unable to leave them behind anywhere. Collecting them without reading them but words filtered through.

“... we love you..”

“... I miss your jokes...”

“... we're not mad...”

“... new jigsaw puzzle, 5000 pieces, I would love it if you joined me...”

“... We're here for you...”

“ ... help us understand...”

He had hidden so long it was hard to come out. The longer he stayed away the easier it was to stay that way. Alone. Isolated. Fingertips numb from pressing on the edges of letters into them.

Then it was just awkward. The idea of surrender. When he knew they were going to jump him for the physical that he dreaded. Not wanting the wool pulled from his eyes. Two years he had spent carefully packing away his time with the EPF. The way he had packed away the idea of ever seeing his family again. To turn the box over and spill it on the floor seemed so unnecessary. Just making a mess on purpose for someone else to pick up. At the same time he started to feel like that was going to happen anyways. That the box he had packed was too full and the bottom was about to fall out. 

How to surrender became the pressing issue for Donnie. Which was weird, to be stuck on how to lose a fight his opponents were still trying to win. Not knowing they already had the victory. It occurred to him that he could talk to Mikey on the communication plane and work out some kind of controlled surrender. Or that he could leave them a note back with a time and a location, like a wanted man walking into a police station with his hands up to turn himself over.

It wasn't like he was offering himself up for a horrible punishment. That would have made it easier, self loathing was a motivator Donnie breathed with. Instead all they wanted to do was help him which meant surrendering was the same as admitting he needed help. Pushing back let him deny that fact, but then the issue became that he could push them off forever. This was not a fair fight to begin with and if he won his reward was continuing down the same horrible road. Gnawing at his fingers, hitting himself, screaming tantrums... and one day his box would fall apart and no one would be there to pack it back up. Maybe he wouldn’t be there either. Maybe then he would finally have the guts to go away for good.

He was tired when the dinner invitation came. Already having spent days trying to surrender only to have his notes balled up and trashed before he could set them out. Or his body would flee from the sound of his own name echoing down backrooms. Donnie was so extremely tired of the fight that while spying on dinner with a terribly empty stomach; he broke. It was Sunita standing on a chair to tap the camera lens that did it, leaving a glossy smudge on the glass.

“Donnie. We made a casserole and it's really good. You should join us.”

Said in jest actually. No one would expect Donnie to show up for casserole. Maybe that was why he did end up going. Maybe he was able to convince himself that going to their nice dinner would ruin it and therefore lead to the hatred he deserved. They just happened to all be in the cafeteria with four tables squished together to make an awkward dining room table. The double doors were propped open and there was absolutely no room for Donnie at the table anywhere. It hadn't occurred to a single one of them that he'd take Sunita’s invitation seriously. Hell, half of them hadn’t even noticed her talking to the camera.

Entering the kitchen was climbing a mountain. He must have lingered out in the hall with bees in his chest for the longest time. Almost hoping the moment would slip through his fingers. He'd miss the last grip on the wall and fall to his death. Outside the kitchen he was hit with the smell of casserole. Mikey’s cooking even with the limited ingredients. He had to be possessed, possessed by a part of himself that desperately wanted help but turned it into wanting food. A simple goal with no thoughts of what it could lead to. A prime objective formed: Walk in. Grab a plate. Leave.

Terrifying that he almost got away with it. 

Ceramic plate in hand. The crinkle of foil peeling back drowned in the rowdy conversation. They were having a good time without him. Maybe he had done enough here. Maybe they didn't need to worry about him because they had everything useful squeezed from him. There wasn’t even a chair for him to sit, so he could grab the plate and leave. If they see him they won’t say anything because there was no place to sit. Maybe all of this happened because of Sunita’s dry invitation, or the chair, or the little part of Donnie that wanted to be proven wrong. They cared. Calling his name wasn’t for show. Wasn’t a trick.

There was no way they would let him walk out of the kitchen once they spotted him.

The casserole smelled really good. The color was very light, missing the food dye in processed cheese. Recipes in the post-apocalyptic world were strange. There was goat milk, corn, and green beans. Cricket flour as a thickening agent in the sauce. Donnie pulled the foil back over the long glass dish to keep it warm. This time it was a loud noise because the conversation behind him had extinguished itself.

His hand reached for a fork from the pile on the counter. Tines caught each other and in grabbing a fork one fell to the floor with a sharp clatter. As Donnie picked it up he saw purple vines slowly close the double doors and braid around the push bars. Just out of focus in the upper right of his view where the edge of this world met the darkness he slammed his eyes into.

Deep breath in. Open his eyes. Push glasses up his snout. Lock onto the fork. Unsteady breath out.

It was okay. This was exactly what he wanted. A plate of food, and whatever they did if they noticed him in the kitchen getting it... he wouldn't think about.

“Hey D,” April called, far from the casual tone she was trying to project, “You can come take a seat next to me.”

She was furthest from the door. The other side of the table. That was strategic enough that Donnie wondered if Raph prompted her to make first contact. Donnie had been watching them eat and talk for half an hour. Most of their plates were empty. Dinner was practically over and it was perfect until he arrived.

“Don't worry about the fork,” Mikey said, voice so weird. “I'll get it.”

Donnie got it anyway. A last grab at independence. Head swimming as he went from crouched to standing. He set the fork in the sink mechanically so there was no noise and took his plate off the counter. His footsteps or his heartbeat carried him to the chair next to April. A spot hastily cleared when they noticed him. He stared at his plate the entire time to avoid their faces.

“Nice of you to join us,” April said, tone getting smoother but completely out of place in the dead silence. A conference room silent. A meeting with HR silent. A conversation after being grounded by dad silent.

At least Casey was making incoherent conversation on Cassandra's lap. Ironically softening the tense atmosphere.

Donnie pushed his casserole around while Leo gestured harshly to different people just out of sight. Sunita, April's mom, Barry, Huginn, Muninn, and Mayhem. All dismissed with sharp movements. Cassandra and Casey both shared a forehead smooch and a whisper from Raph as he followed them out the door and locked it behind them. Blocked with a metal shelf as Mikey lifted all the plates from the table and off to the sink.

“There's a dishwasher hidden in the island in the kitchen,” Donnie said, moving to stand up.

Leo was quick to push him back down in his seat.

Good. They were taking this seriously because he was panicking and already thinking of ways out. Get to the kitchen, get to the walk-in freezer (not in operation). Barricade himself there and buy more time. Negotiate, make promises, break those promises and slip away-

“Another day,” Leo said, not unkindly. Patting Donnie’s forearm the way a detective might while telling a suspect that a lawyer will just gum up the process. Keep talking. Keep digging.

Let me hand you a shovel.

Donnie swallowed. Not trusting his voice at that moment. The pat turned into a grip of his wrist as April unsubtly moved to take his Battle Shell off. Flipping up the panel on the shoulder supports and thumbing in the code she thought she knew.

The shell did not release. No rejection buzz. Just nothing.

Donnie set his unused fork down and reached for the panel. Raph seized his hand in a mystic fist from the other side of the crowd of tables before he made it halfway through the motion. The room was now silent and frozen in a standoff. 

“I control my Battle Shell with the movement of my real shell monitored by a web of electrodes.” To make a point one spider arm appeared out of his shell and waved. All of them but Mikey stared at it with wide eyes. “If I wanted to stop you from removing it, I would have.”

“Tell us the code instead,” Mikey said, the calmest in the room as he packed up leftovers.

“Then you'll know it,” Donnie said, staring at his right hand trapped inside Raph's translucent red fist. He could barely twitch his fingers while enclosed in the energy.

A collective sigh, “Then you can change it,” April said.

Such a small detail. He could change it. He would be able to change it. Doing this wasn't surrendering himself to a life sentence under their eyes and hands. There was a place on the other side where he put his Battle Shell back on. With a new code that they wouldn't know.

“The last four digits of Leo's last cellphone number.”

Leo looked visibly nervous. A coy smile twinged the corner of Donnie’s mouth as Leo folded his lower lip between his teeth, nodding at the middle distance. “My phone number, huh?” he said without moving his mouth.

“Seriously?” April, Raph, and Mikey all asked.

Donnie snorted, heads whipping back to him. The mixture of hurt and disappointment spoiled the joke. “Four four one nine,” he offered as the quiet punchline.

If was off before he was done saying the last number. April punched the code in and Leo took the shell off. “Give me a break, there are no more cell towers,” Leo muttered defensively. “Where do you want this? Your quarters?”

Donnie nodded at his plate. He hadn't been in his quarters for weeks assuming they would have it trapped. 

“Want me to grab you some clothes? Pajamas?” Leo asked.

“W-why?” Donnie asked, already knowing the answer. A physical from Leo was a dance he knew well. For them it was done naked. Not even black shorts.

“Because after dinner you're having a shower, a physical, and I'm hoping I can convince you to put on some pajamas and sleep in your bed so I can have a fasted blood draw tomorrow-”

His body betrayed him. Sucking air in and making that uncertain noise in the back of his throat. Knees bouncing under the table anxiously.

“You've had so many. You know I am a pro. You won't even feel it,” Leo whispered, lightly punching Donnie’s left shoulder. Playful attempt undone by the pinched expression on his face.

Donnie wasn't scared of needles. He had a normal fear of them as a child until he caught Leo practicing IV placement on himself and vaccinations with saline solution. Even though Leo could do those things with his right and left arm, it was his left that best represented his patients and he only had one. Donnie decided the only thing he hated more than needles was his twin putting needles into himself hundreds of times.

They shared the burden. For every blood draw Leo wanted to practice he had to equally spread it over the three arms available. His left and both of Donnie’s. Same for every IV line and vaccination. Donnie became numb to the sensation of needles poking through his scales. He almost had a party trick in their childhood, taking shots and blood draws with a stoic face that Raph and Mikey couldn't manage. At the time it was something to lord over them. High from the fumes of his own smugness. 

He thought he wasn't scared of needles.

It turned out he just wasn't scared of Leo.

“I'm done,” Donnie said, pushing the plate away slowly. “With eating.” An important and telling specification for himself and those listening.

He hadn't taken a single bite. Mikey collected his plate like Donnie wasn’t being partially held in his seat. Somewhere in the static Donnie heard something about saving it for later. Donnie was torn between wanting to warn them that this was about to get so much worse and needing the comfort of still having an upper hand. Telling them that the scared screaming thing deep down inside him was this close to freaking out would allow them to counter it. Donnie itched to give in and get away, eyes darting to the exits. What if he just ran away and got it over with. Why was he embarrassing himself by going to them for help? They didn't really want to help him.

“April, you're with me,” Leo said, standing with Donnie’s battle shell in hand. April had his tablet, she slipped it out of his pocket with a slight of hand. “Pajamas, toiletries, all that jazz then I am counting on you to get the exam room prepped. We're going fast-”

“You're going to have to counter my mystic powers,” Donnie said, both hands slipped under the table and pressing down on the top of his thighs. Pain blooming up and helping him keep a grip.

“You're gonna fight us?” April asked, like he would be doing it on purpose.

Leo made a sharp motion. Everyone was silent. Except the one person whining in the back of their throat. Donnie refused to believe that sound was coming from him as he rocked and pressed into his thighs. “I’m starting to freak out-” he struggled to say through a straw thin windpipe.

Raph wet his lips. “Okay. How? How do we counter his magic? He can make guns-”

“I have a way,” Mikey whispered, drying his hands with a towel before floating it back to the bar above the sink. “You two go.”

Leo and April left through a portal not wanting to risk an unlocked door. Donnie sat with the ominous declaration from his baby brother. He wondered if Mikey had something healing or something like the Kraang. A way to dampen his mystic abilities. Donnie wished it was as easy as not having his Tech Bo.

He didn't want to fight them. He didn't want to hurt them. He didn't want them to hate him and let him crawl back into the walls to die... but he wasn't worth the trouble. That was the only takeaway they would get from this. His skin itched with it and the tops of his thighs ached into his toes.

“What made you come out?” Raph asked, standing on his knees in the spot Leo had been sitting. Chairs pulled out of the way. Like Donnie was at the dinner table refusing his tenth meal in a row and really needed to eat the plain oatmeal if he wanted to be left alone. Brown sugar sprinkled around the bowl like a fairy ring.

Let me hand you a spoon.

Donnie swallowed. Hunger pangs wrapped around a stomach filled with spit and mucus. “I don't know. I had too,” he said, pressing on the top of his thighs over and over again where the comfort of pain lay dormant. “I knew you would never be able to find me. I knew it was getting worse. I knew I was running out of time. I knew I could make myself run out of time faster I...”

... wanted to run out of time. 

Raph placed a hand on Donnie’s shell. Donnie practically shuddered into it, shell flexing forward and down around the edges in a motion his family knew meant “don't stop,” even if he couldn't articulate it. 

Raph did not stop.

“Aaaaaaand I'm back,” Leo said, stepping through the portal with an artificial pizzazz. “Time for a shower.”

Ominous. Donnie had a few questions but quickly figured none of them mattered all that much. Was he taking a shower in front of all of them? Or just one of them? Which shower? Was he going to have a say in any of this? Or would it just go faster if he nodded and did what they asked?

“April is getting the exam room ready, she’s not going to be there for the actual exam, she’s going to make sure his room is set up for afterwards. She’ll probably enlist Sunita, Cass, and her mom to help,” Leo whispered, handing Raph most of the items brought from Donnie’s quarters.

Raph took the stack of clothes, Donnie’s toothbrush, floss, and the small jar of dried toothpaste tabs from Leo. Leo brought over Donnie’s glasses case and held his hand out for them. He passed them over and lost the finer details of everyone’s face. Wanting to keep some of his dignity, Donnie stood up on his own, flapping the sharp edge of his shell at anyone trying to touch his shoulders. Mikey took his hand. Leo opened the portal. Raph hung back so there was no turning and running.

“Let me know when you need me to step in,” Mikey reminded him.

They chose the shower Donnie had shown Raph, Leo, Cassandra, and by extension Casey on the first day. The gym showers with an open floor plan so Leo, Raph, and Mikey could lean and stand near the far wall in the shower while Donnie stripped and folded his clothes. Neatly making a pile and tucking his boots under the benches by the lockers. He grimaced, stepping onto the cold wet tile. The grout had a slimy texture to it.

On the other side of the shower his brothers started speaking in sharp whispers.

Donnie looked at them neutrally following their downward cast eyes to his thighs. They weren’t pretty. Worse than when he had his relaxation mantra with Mikey. The last few weeks had been stressful, there had been more outbursts. Donnie realized belatedly that had he not paused to see what his brothers were so tense about he would have taken a cold shower with all his various bandages on. Some were very dirty. Immediately the task became overwhelming, swirling in his mind as he started to pick at the bandaids on the back of his hands, on his knuckles. The burn on his palm wrapped in a literal oil rag this morning, clean of oil except the corner which was okay enough.

“Alright,” Leo said, taking a deep shaking breath. “I did notice your hands at dinner, but this is overwhelming. I’ll get these off, you wash yourself. Do not scrub any open wounds, just let soap rinse over them. When you get done and dried off I’ll do a little on the side of the road maintenance and patch up all... these,” he said, surveying Donnie’s arms quickly and shaking his head, “... knicks,” he settled on.

Behind Leo, Raph and Mikey were talking in hushed tones. Donnie watched as Leo pulled a small pair of scissors from his medkit on his belt and cut off all the bandages and gauze. He stepped back while balling up all the dirty bandages. He dropped them into a small portal seemingly formed with the same scissors.

For whatever reason he lingered by Donnie now.

Experimenting with the tackiness of his skin Donnie grabbed his washcloth, turned on the shower longer enough to lather it with soap and rinse his body before shutting the water off to work on scrubbing himself down. For the most part he ignored his injuries and the thrown in comments from Leo reminding him he didn’t need to scrub open wounds. Set of his task Donnie didn’t stop scrubbing until he was to the soles of his feet. Then he turned the freezing cold water back on to rinse off and squeeze out the rag. Then he tilted away from his brothers and Leo to evert and rinse his genitals. Torn between the social etiquette he learned working at the EPF and the fact that a shared shower with his brothers never had them turning away to quickly wash their private bits. He finished his ice cold shower by standing with his face under the stream for a few minutes. The cold soothing over his small surface injuries but making his left hip go stiff. He shut the water off blindly and went to go feel around for his towel. Leo handed it to him and pulled him by the elbow between the rows of gym lockers to sit on the wood slatted bench.

No one seemed happy about the tops of his thighs. Mottled in blue, purple, black, and brown. Skin swollen and in several places the flesh had broken open and scabbed. After a shower they stuck out from the cold water taking blood out of his limbs and making his scales paler. Leo took to dabbing the top of his thighs dry before he could get his towel to his lower half. Raph and Mikey came over to join them, leaning against lockers.

“Are any of those infected?” Raph asked.

Leo shook his head in disbelief. Taking Donnie’s chilled hand and applying bandages and ointments. “I thought a few might be but after watching his deep scrub every inch of his skin,” he said, with an emphasis in the direction of Donnie’s thighs, “I actually think he dissociated during his shower. He didn’t respond to a single thing I said once the water was running. That’s probably why none of these are festering, but scrubbing them with soap isn’t good wound care either.”

“He washed his dick at least,” Mikey offered as good news. 

Donnie frowned and looked at him. The shower was a blur. He had it but then he lost it while following Leo’s comments about dissociation. Mikey said something, Raph said something, Donnie let his gaze drop to the floor. The next thing he was aware of was flossing his teeth. The recently air dried feeling under his tail was the only hint he had that he had used the restroom at some point.

“Not that it’s healthy but if he dissociates through the physical, it’s still a physical,” Raph said, leaning down to talk to Leo and Mikey. “Can he just zombie himself through a physical?”

“Sorry,” Donnie said, while dropping his floss in the wastebasket. “I know I am not the greatest nor the most reliable source of what is going on but this isn’t a new thing. I often blackout through repeated tasks now. I keep my chore list in the form of a to do list so I can actually tell if I have done something or not. I have gotten stuck in loops a few times, the goats enjoyed extra treats more than a few days in a row before I realized I was doing all my daily chores three times. Usually getting undressed for my nightly shower is the last memory I have of the day before I wake up the following day. I know I floss because I can see floss in my waste basket and see the toothpaste tabs go down. The bar of soap gets smaller. My towel begins to need washing,” he looked up to see three brothers were staring at him with varying amounts of concern.

Looking back he couldn’t identify what he had done wrong so he settled for looking down at his new tan bandages and the floor. Two huge blurry purple and brown smudges covered the tops of his thighs. He guessed it was too late to hide those, he wondered why he hadn’t.

“I won’t blackout for something new,” Donnie promised quietly, “It’s not like it will be exactly the same. New room. Dif- Different people,” he clarified, shooting a nervous glance at Leo’s feet.

“Okay,” Leo said, clapping his uneven sized hands together. “Then if we’re all ready I think we can get a look at you, ask a few questions, then off to bed with one of us sleeping over.” A blue light painted the edges of Leo’s boots. Donnie watched those boots walk over, felt the tug on his elbow from a metal hand, then they were stepping through side by side.

Raph and Mikey’s presence gave the physical an awkward almost TV show drama sensation. The kind of ABC family movie about eating disorders where for some reason the daughter had to have a physical in a hospital gown at her doctor’s office with her divorced parents in the room. Reacting to every hum and haw of the professional. Aghast that their darling straight A honor student was anorexic or self harming. Only in Donnie’s case Mikey and Raph were trying to take up the least amount of space, forced to be here too but torn between knowing if they were helping or hurting.

The physical started pretty boring. Donnie was two point two six meters tall, or seven foot five inches. He weighed one hundred and eight kilograms, or two hundred and forty pounds. There were no comments about his weight or height. A neutral recording as Leo had him move to touch his palms to the floor. Donnie was the most flexible of all of them, passing these tests with practiced ease. With his knees straight and his palms on the floor Leo checked his spine by running his knuckles down Donnie’s back. His only comment being that Donnie was the only one of them that he could actually check the spine of. There was a quick check of his tail making sure he had full range of motion. He stood up straight then did more exercise for Leo to observe. Making sure his shoulders had full mobility and his legs had full range of motion. All his fingers and toes worked. He followed a penlight with his eyes. 

Then the first cracks formed. He couldn’t touch his snout with just moving his arm. Donnie could not balance on either leg for more than ten seconds. Closing his eyes brought the time to less than five seconds before he would start to fall over. His hands had a slight tremor to them when held out with his finger splayed. The tremors grew worse the longer Donnie held the position.

Coordination was even worse. He was given his glasses back so Leo could gently underhand toss him a tennis ball. Each time Donnie failed to catch the ball even though the distance was no greater than fifteen feet between them.

A vision test showed his glasses were out of date. His myopia was even worse now. Leo had several pages of questions for Donnie regarding his eating habits, his sleep schedule, and a few things from The Intervention like dropping tools. Finding no use in lying Donnie answered as honestly as he could.

In doing so he may have lured his brothers into a false sense of security. Raph and Mikey were being as patient as they could but they were holding back yawns and blinking rapidly to keep their eyes open. They had their dinner late and hadn’t been idle in the walls like Donnie. Even Leo was showing signs of fatigue as he had to scribble over words he kept misspelling on the chart.

Then came time for Donnie to sit on the exam table.

With all the little tests done regarding flexibility, balance, coordination, and vision it was time to look at his body. The physical vessel he had been occupying and pushing to its limits over and over. There was the familiar dance of looking in his ear slits. Then looking at his eyes again. Looking up his nostrils and in his mouth. Listening to his fluttering heart beat. Listening to his lungs by pressing the stethoscope around his back. Leo felt his throat and had him swallow. He felt the glands under his jaw and in his armpits. There wasn’t a good location for the blood pressure cuff. Donnie’s poor coordination and balance meant he had bruising on the outside of both his upper arms. Leo was apologetic as he inflated the cuff. His blood pressure was low, and answering a few yes or no questions drew Leo to conclude it was from lack of eating.

Finally they were at the most glaring injury.

“I just wanted to look you over,” Leo reminded him again, for the seventh or eighth time, “But there's no point in pretending like I haven't seen it,” he said, clipboard in hand. “So... What are these bruises from?”

He pointed to the top of Donnie’s thighs.

Donnie had a lot of injuries, but his brothers would have to be idiots to not see that the state of his thighs was far from an accident. Papercuts, scraped knees, split knuckles, splinters, bruised arms from clipping doors and cabinets. All explainable. Likely why Leo called them knicks and patched them up after his shower without being suspicious. No one was shushing each other over cuts and scrapes. The way his thighs looked did not make sense. It didn’t even make sense to Donnie why he had done this, but he knew enough to hide it up until this point. He even ran in knee length shorts to keep his thighs from Cindy’s observing eyes.

Unlike any of his other scars that he tried to hide but didn't worry about. The bruising on his thighs was different because it was by his own hand. There was a word for that.

He gripped the edge of the exam table. Staring at Leo's bare plastron because of course he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Bare chest. Bare plastron shields. Not a white lab coat and an ID card, Donnie reminded himself. Leo didn't even have a stethoscope around his neck. The other people in the room weren't scribbling notes and standing rigidly with cameras. They were sitting by the door on a metal bench or perched on the counter blowing up a latex glove to stick the fingers back into the palm over and over. The table had a memory foam top, sewn into a sheet, with a clear plastic cover. Not the crinkle paper of the EPF exam rooms. A homely exam room with a flickering LED light in the corner and dust hanging in the air. Wooden cabinets and a hard water stained sink.

Donnie opened his mouth, giving a helpless little shrug. “I hit myself.”

“Why?”

Donnie rocked back and forth, looking down at the floor. “When I'm overwhelmed. I hit myself. Or when I start to feel that way.”

What harm could admitting that do? He was already here and between Leo's portal and unfamiliarity of this part of the airport- which honestly Donnie had no clue where in the airport he was, just that he was in the airport. He told Leo to scout out any building for a dedicated hospital. A single remodeled room gave Donnie zero clues about the exact building, how to quickly leave, and where to go from there that Leo didn’t already know about. Then there was Raph at the door and Mikey on the counter listening and watching him. This was the best place to admit to this because he literally couldn't run.

“Have you ever hit yourself as a form of punishment?” Leo asked, voice completely blank.

Donnie went cold. Which considering the colorful ribbons dancing in the vents meant the heat was currently kicked on and couldn’t be blamed on the room. Caught in a lie. A partial truth. He felt close to being sick. He wanted to stop, because he had thought too far. He couldn’t admit to it, it wasn’t normal. He needed to tap out. A time out-

Leo put the end of his pen under Donnie’s chin and made him look up. “You gotta answer me,” he said, cocking his head a little.

The move was so unprofessional and crass for someone acting as a doctor that it knocked Donnie right into the present moment. The slight condescending tone that Leo held when any of his patients started pushing back. Not afraid to get handsy and lean into the parts that weren't pleasant. Making rude or offensive jokes at inappropriate times just to cut the atmosphere.

“None of us can help you if you stay silent,” Leo said, removing his pen and tapping his clipboard. “I would say I can't read minds but Raph will drive a truck through that opening.”

Donnie nodded, “Yes.” Because he still had his glasses he caught the concerned faces of Raph and Mikey at that admittance. Mikey lost the seal on his glove balloon and it flew across the room into the wall.

“Okay,” Leo didn't even write that down or glance at the glove rolling down the wall, instead he began pacing back and forth before Donnie. “I want to record any new scars. Ask where you got them. But first, does anything hurt or stand out?” He looked over his clipboard at Donnie, face blank. 

“Right now?” Donnie asked, letting go of the table edge to touch the top of his thighs. “My thighs.”

Admitting that outloud made him more aware of how much time he spent ignoring the constant pain. The legs of his overalls rubbed against his skin which burned. Every squat dragged rough fabric over the surface of his tender scales. Every time he picked something heavy up and balanced it on his thigh before moving it to his arms. Not using his magic because most of his labor was done in a haze where the default was to physically manipulate his environment.

After a moment he added, “Generally speaking, my left hip and lower left side of my back hurts. Left hip joint pops a lot.”

Leo nodded, gesturing with his pen to the table, “Okay. Lay down, I'll have a look at your hip. Move it around. If it was broken or dislocated you wouldn’t be able to walk on it, I did notice your balance was worse on your left side-”

Ah. That's where this was going to get tricky. With tables and straps and drugs. Leo covered the pillow with that foreboding paper protector. The metal tray with syringes and vials on the counter caught his eye. Donnie felt himself starting to lose his grip on calm.

“Donnie, hey, we're cool right?” Leo asked nervously, cutting himself off mid ramble.

Everyone but him was standing. Because his marks were glowing purple and he had hunched down like a spring ready to release.

“M-Mikey. I need-”

Immediately Mikey was in front of him. All smiles as he cupped Donnie’s face, slipping his glasses off and passing them over his shoulder to Raph. They were barely staying in place without his bandana anyways. “Right. I'm ready,” he said, doing nothing.

“I...” he needed help. He needed Mikey to understand that he could never lay down with doctors hovering over him. Especially when his coping mechanism was coming back to bite him. He shot another nervous glance at Leo and felt sick with it.

Mikey shook his head adamantly. Hair coming loose from his low braid. “You can do this. I'm not taking away your control before I actually need to. You know it's us. Look at where you are.”

“You're safe D,” Raph assured him and for a moment it felt like he was guarding the door for Donnie.

A choked noise escaped him. Rocking again on the edge of the table as he was caught halfway into getting up. Wanting out so bad, wishing he hadn’t let them get this far. Now into the find out stage of his silly little coming to dinner fuck around impulse. Cursing the stupid part of him that convinced him to get a plate of food from the kitchen that also knew this would happen

He wanted to die again. The will to live rocketed out of the room on an over inflated glove. He either didn't think about the EPF or he killed himself. Now they were pressing around the festering hole in his head the EPF left and all his alarms screamed for him to kill himself over it. That was the protocol he was terrified he would have to follow through on.

“It's me,” Leo said, nudging Mikey to the side where he instead kept a hand on the back of Donnie’s neck. “It's just me.”

“I know, I know-,” Donnie sucked in painful gasps of air and started rubbing the heel of his hands on the top of his blackened thighs. “I made it you,” he said with a slightly hysterical edge as he slammed his fists down on the top of his thighs with all his strength. Vision graying out with pain and nearly toppling him off the table.

Leo took hold of his hands quickly. Snatching them up and holding them tight while Mikey’s magic caught the clipboard and pen before they hit the floor. With a nod towards Raph they had Donnie lying flat on the exam table. Mikey at his head. Raph between the table and the wall and Leo getting towels wet in the sink. Ankles locked in Raph’s metal hand and chest pinned by his large flesh one. Donnie grabbed Raph’s wrist with both his hands while his legs vibrated with pain. Trying to stay conscious.

“What do you mean?” Leo asked, voice airy and light as he wrapped the wrung out cold towels around Donnie’s thighs. Having no hesitations about taking Donnie’s tail and pulling it up between his legs and over his plastron to the left where it wouldn’t be touched by ice cold towels. All while Raph kept a now passive hand on his chest and Mikey held his fingertips to Donnie’s scarred temples.

“I made it you,” Donnie said, swallowing, staring directly at Leo. The cold on his thighs felt good and took away the feeling of floating outside of his own body. Raph released his ankles letting his legs spread further apart. Holding his tail up like this was a bit uncomfortable but that was a far away thought. Better than it being restrained too. “What they did to me. I imagined it was you.”

Leo froze and stopped wrapping Donnie’s thighs. Something flashed in his eyes as he looked at Raph then back to him. “Do you want me to have Raph or Mikey do this instead? April?” he asked, voice forced and neutral as he slowly lifted his hands away.

Donnie shook his head quickly, Mikey's fingers following to stay in contact with his temples. “No no no- It was a good thing.”

Leo shared another look with Raph. His next words were carefully selected. “I'm not sure how imagining me doing that, assuming we are referring to something performed by that, uh, organization you worked with, to you, is a good thing, D,” he said, brow knitted. “Did I do something to make you think I would want to hurt you?”

“What? No!” Donnie tried to sit up but Raph and Mikey didn't allow it. The slightly caved in area at the top of the table pad put Donnie at a disadvantage with gravity anyways. Then there was Mikey's magic acting as a second voice in his head that so badly wanted to lie down. Didn't it feel so nice to lie down? It did, didn't it?

“Then I'm confused...” Leo said, fixing the wet rags where Donnie’s squirming had made them ride up his thighs into his crotch.

“It was a good thing,” Donnie said, swimming through mud puddles in his brain. Never thinking there would be a day when he would tell Leo about this. The real Leo. “I know it's you here, now, when you said it I was reminded that's how I got through it. I just made it you. What they did to me. I superimposed whoever was doing it with you. In my head. With.... with my imagination.”

Leo nodded slowly. “A coping mechanism.”

Relief crashed into Donnie. Euphoric really aside from the pinched face Leo had. “Exactly! You would never hurt me. So I made what was happening to me, done by you. So I could be okay with it. So I wouldn't be scared. I never had a reason to be scared with you. You would never harm me-”

“Okay,” Leo said, taking one of Donnie’s hands that he had been gesturing wildly with. “I understand where you're coming from but if you're uncomfortable with me because of that I can be substituted, because your comfort matters here, I didn't mean for you to think I had to be the one to give you a physical I just assumed you would be the most comfortable with me. I didn't consider the possibility that that could have changed-”

No, he wasn't getting it. Which was frustrating because the words had to be there in all the noise. Donnie was searching for his words in a mud puddle. Picking out pebbles and bottle caps, but not words. 

And he needed words.

“No, I want it to be you,” Donnie took advantage of Leo grabbing his hand to hold Leo here before he walked away. Cool metal fingers squeezed into his palm. “Don't you understand? You would never take so much blood from me I would die- you would never shock me so long I lose who I am- you would never stick that rod into a part of my brain that really mattered-”

Why did he say that? 

Clamping his jaw shut he turned to try and hide into Mikey's hand. Something was wrong with what he said because he wasn't supposed to ever say that. Now he had and he could feel his words hit the room and reverb off the walls and the second pulse made everyone react. All of them needing a moment to decipher Donnie’s desperate stammering.

“No.” Raph's voice was quiet, fingers curling on Donnie’s plastron. “No. No they did not-”

“Raph, get a grip we need to stay calm for his sake,” Mikey warned, shielding Donnie’s head with his body. 

Leo went from frozen to ripping Donnie’s hands away and roughly pushing Mikey back. Donnie yelped out as Leo suddenly pulled his eyelid up and looked under it with a penlight. He was half pushing Leo off of him and half feeling Mikey's magic making it hard to put more than ten percent of his strength into it.

“Leo, he misspoke right?” Raph asked, almost threatening anyone to have a conflicting answer. “If they were shocking him he could have gotten confused right?”

Donnie held his breath the entire time Leo bounced from eye to eye. Pupils dilated and mouthing something under his breath, so close to Donnie’s snout his lips accidentally grazed his nostrils between switching back and forth. He pulled away and either kicked or ran into the stool in the middle of the room. Donnie immediately hid back in Mikey's arms, reaching up to hold Mikey's knobby elbows while squealing in the back of his throat.

For a long moment Leo was silent. Clicking his penlight on and off.

“Can it be a false memory?” Raph asked. “Mikey? Can it be- why would he say that?”

Mikey ignored him. “We’re fine D. We’re fine. Everything is good,” he hummed, rubbing his fingertips in circles on Donnie’s temples then working to massage his clenched jaw. The squealing ceased.

“He doesn't have marks above his eyeballs, but a transorbital lobotomy is usually a scarless procedure. I'm not sure it would leave marks for us to see. We would need an MRI to see where-” Leo composed himself by hitting his own chest a few times, “-where a rod was inserted up into the brain and... stirred.”

“But we don’t know that for sure,” Raph said quickly.

“Try to separate what you want to be true from what is actually true,” Leo snapped. “If he says it happened I am inclined to believe him.”

“The brain damage could be from from from the electrodes right?” Raph asked, moving his hands frantically, tail swishing back and forth over the floor. “They didn’t do that to him- they didn’t do that to him-”

The loss of Raph’s hands pressing him down made Donnie squirm on the table. Gripped by fear that they were going to start walking away from him now that he wasn’t fixable. Bishop was dead but he won. Donnie was never going to be the same. They scrambled his brain- they ruined him. He was ruined and broken and it was all his fucking fault for ever trusting Bishop to begin with.

“Easy. Easy. We're okay,” Mikey shushed, levitating some paper towels from across the room to start dabbing at Donnie's watering eyes. “Everything is okay,” Mikey whispered, tone the same as the communication plane where Donnie was small and so tired of this scary life.

“Everything is not okay!” Raph countered loudly. “Everything is not okay! Why am I the only one telling you that they didn’t do that to my little brother! Huh? Why am I the only one of you that’s saying this didn’t happen?!”

“Because denial is a natural part of grief and you don’t want to entertain the idea of Donnie being permanently brain injured as a result of him finding the EPF more stable than our home situation five years ago,” Leo said, completely monotone. “It sucks so suck it up. Dust yourself off Raph. It’s not about us. It’s not about you. It’s not about me.”

Mikey ignored both Leo and Raph, instead his fingertips grew hot against Donnie’s temples. Slowly Donnie’s legs went from folded up to his chest like a dying bug to open and lose. Leo came over to help put his legs correctly on the table with great care to avoid touching the top of his thighs. Raph sank to the floor in a daze.

“Donnie, do you remember what side they performed the procedure on? Were you awake and talking? Were you under?” Leo asked, swiping at his eyes with the back of his hands as he spoke.

Donnie shook his head and made a gurgling noise.

“You don't remember?” Leo started rubbing his thumbs in circles on Donnie’s knees while looking over at Raph.

Donnie remembered, but they were going too deep too fast. His whole body was ablaze with hatred. Saturating his skin, clogging his pores. They were right about Bishop from the very beginning. 

“Both,” he mouthed with barely any sound. 

Leo caught the answer with raising shoulders then gave it the voice Donnie could not. “Both sides.” Leo said quietly, shaking his head and looking down at Donnie’s knees. “Which means...”

As for the other questions Donnie wished he didn’t have answers. A scarless procedure maybe, but the pain had an intense memory burn. A clear divide between whatever Donnie his family was trying to get back and the one they were stuck with now. Head trapped in a vice, body strapped to a table. Routine blood removal kept him from being able to activate his magic through his ninpo. Synthetic adrenaline was pumped into him just for the cruelty of keeping him awake while they did it.

A punishment was meant to be felt, how else would Donnie learn?

Donnie couldn't catch his breath, reaching up blindly behind himself for Mikey. Nails scratching along his carapace and arms until the heat in his temples increased making him feel a little less attached. “I- I-”

“Shhh, it's okay. It's okay,” Mikey whispered, pressing their foreheads together. “We need a moment. We can take a moment.” He was a kind restraint.

Leo moved up and pressed his forehead to Donnie’s chest. Raph was eerily still and silent while remaining on the floor. Tall enough that he was still able to see Donnie on the table.

“I'm sorry,” Donnie whispered, reaching down to hold Leo's shoulder, head, shell, anything. One hand clawing at each brother. “I know it was wrong. I know that must make you feel like shit because how could I imagine you hurting me- but it didn't hurt. Not when I made it you, and then I just couldn't stop doing it-”

Leo made a drawn out painful noise in his throat before lifting away from Donnie. Instead of grabbing the stool from where it was tipped over with anger he slowly picked it up and sat on it. He hooked the wastebasket with his ankle then braced over it occupying the corner opposite of Raph’s.

He began dry heaving.

“Leo. No please. Please- I'm sorry,” Donnie begged, trying to scramble up from the table. Raph got up and put pressure on his plastron. Entire face soaked with tears. Dripping from his chin and raining down on Donnie as huge warm drops. “Please please don't leave me here to go through this again-” he begged Leo while clasping onto Raph’s arm.

He wanted to lie back down so bad. Lying down felt so good didn't it?

He had to get to Leo, Leo was repulsed by him, Donnie can handle anything but Leo hating him-

But he should lay down again, shouldn't he? Lying down was so nice and he was so safe when he lied down. 

Mikey pulled his head and shoulders back down against the padded table. “Your brain imagined what it needed to imagine to get you back where you belong. With your family. You didn't do anything wrong. We're reacting out of disgust at what you went through, none of that is aimed towards you,” he said firmly, placing his chin on Donnie’s forehead.

“Leo,” Raph said, taking a deep breath. Tears still dripped off his chin. “He's not saying you did any of that stuff. You doing this physical was for the best.”

“I'm sorry,” Donnie whispered, legs coming up and falling back into place as he couldn’t get comfortable or completely catch his breath.

Leo spit into the trash can. “He imagined me giving him a fucking lobotomy Raph, excuse me for being slightly upset about that-”

“I'm sorry,” Donnie whispered, from his stomach.

“He did it to cope-” Raph choked on his own words and braced himself above the exam table. Both hands bracketing the edge of the table next to Donnie’s heaving middle. “I was an ass earlier, I didn't want to think it was true, I'm sorry,” he said, still crying over him. “I’m here now, Donnie I’m right here, Leo ain’t leaving, we ain’t leaving-”

“I'm sorry,” Donnie whispered, trying to keep a visual on Leo around Raph’s arm. “Leo please, please, I’m sorry-”

Raph whined in the back of his throat. “Leo, please come over here. You need to come over here you are making it worse by staying over there he’s not calming down-”

“I need everyone to shut the fuck up!” Leo snapped.

“I'm sorry-,” 

Donnie’s whisper was cut off by Mikey snapping his head up to glare at Raph and Leo. Both hands took new paper towels and covered Donnie’s eyes. Blacking out the world. “You guys need to take this conversation to another room. Seriously. Calm down, or leave me with the chart and what I need to do and get out,” Mikey said, Dr. Delicate Touch slipping into his orders.

Raph sighed, hand lifting away from Donnie. “Mikey is right,” he leveled with Leo, walking around the table. “Do you want to-?”

They must have agreed to Mind Meld. Standing in the middle of the exam room silently while Mikey tried to coax Donnie into steadier breathing. Counting and breathing. Pointless because that ship had sailed leaving Donnie to flounder. Whispering sorry over and over because a single pause might have them all leaving for another five years. He soaked through the paper towels held over his eyes and when Mikey went to apply new ones he shook his head. Seeing where he was, even blurry and out of focus, was better than the misfiring of his brain that kept going over the EPF surgical theater. A button in his head was being pressed over and over. The sound of the straps tightening. The first time seeing the rod, the equipment, the moment he fully understood what was about to happen and could do nothing. Prepared for torture. Dissection while awake. Experimentation.

Not what they really did. It was so pointless it was the one thing Donnie never worried about happening.

His brain was remarkable. The EPF should have been salivating at the chance to remove it and study it. Instead Bishop took the only part of Donnie that he was proud of and ruined it forever because he was pissed off.

“I'm going to ask Leo if he can do this with your head in my lap, okay?” Mikey suggested as Donnie’s breathing continued to spiral, held only in place by Mikey's magic telling him it was nice to take deep irregular breaths instead of shallow ones. “Would that be easier?”

When Donnie couldn't answer he felt a push of magic. Forcing him to breach the surface and answer. “Yes!” he choked, physical pain lacing it. “Don't leave me here!”

The last thing he wanted was for Mikey to leave. If Mikey pushed any harder before letting up out of sympathy he would have known the reason why Donnie was afraid of being alone. There was a fast and efficient way to wipe every bad thought about the EPF away and it involved a projectile and his scrambled up brain.

“Sorry D,” Mikey whispered, for the use of his magic to compel a response. “You're safe with me. A quarter of your size or twice as big. You're safe with me.”

And I’m dead the second you leave.

Raph and Leo pulled apart no happier. Leo's face set as he came over and took Donnie’s trembling hand with both flesh and metal.

“Donnie-” Leo started.

Donnie cut him off, “I just didn't want to be scared.”

“I get that,” Leo said, mouth forming a tight line. “We'll talk about it... later. Just keep laying down, I got you. So first, you're hyperventilating and that's not fun. Can you breathe with me?”

Donnie couldn't even see the blurry details in the ceiling anymore. He could barely hear Leo over the wheezing in his own throat. He wanted to kill himself so the button in his brain would stop pushing itself over and over.

“Mikey, how much can you do for him?” Leo asked after the breathing exercises failed.

“What do you need?” Mikey asked, completely relaxed and thumbing Donnie’s scarred temples.

Already Donnie felt relief, even if he couldn’t slow his breathing. The comfortable way Leo touched his arms. No longer scared to make contact as he thumbed the inside of Donnie’s elbow pit while Donnie held Leo’s elbows with bruising strength. All pleasant feelings that made it hard to think in such vivid detail about the past. Leo was really here. They were all really here. He still couldn’t catch his breath.

“I want his lights out,” Leo said. “We have as much as he is capable of giving. If he's not able to regulate his breathing he's already- There's no point in putting him through the stress of a blood draw. It's doing more harm and based on scarring there is going to be another trigger there. I can look at his hip later, that's now a very minimal concern given the... recent discovery.”

Mikey hummed. “He has to allow me to take him under. I am using everything I have to keep him on this table Leo, that’s why I am beginning to feel like shit. He barely uses his magic I'm holding back a hurricane-”

“Donnie,” Leo said, wasting no time bracing his hands on either side of Donnie’s shoulders. “Let Mikey knock your lights out-”

Donnie closed his eyes, he could feel himself winning their tug of war. Soon Mikey would be exhausted and soon Donnie would be able to explode out of this room. He didn’t need to hide forever, he just needed to be far enough away that they couldn’t save him after blowing whatever was left of his brain out the back of his skull. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to tell you,” he whispered, tears leaking out of his eyes. “I shouldn't have told you.”

I should have died with that secret.

“I need you to let Mikey help you so I can help you,” Leo said, tapping one finger slowly on Donnie’s shoulder.

“I know it was wrong-” Donnie stammered out, as Raph joined to run a single knuckle along the edge of Donnie’s jaw. It did something to him. Hitting that part of him that came up with the idea of grabbing dinner. The part that was constantly sabotaging his slow moving suicide. “I just wanted to feel safe. I just wanted to feel safe again-”

“You're safe right now. I'm here. Actually here. And I would never harm you,” Leo said firmly. “I'll spend the rest of my life proving that to you over and over. Right now I need you to trust me, not the version of me your brain made to help you through something horrific, but this me. The me that loves you very much and wants to help you get better.”

“It was wrong,” Donnie repeated.

“It was only wrong because what happened to you was wrong. It became necessary to survive,” Leo said without hesitation. “If I helped you survive, then your imaginary version of me is a compliment to the real me. So thank you, I love you too.”

“But I don’t want to survive anymore,” Donnie choked out. His magic and Mikey’s were two rams fighting too close to a sudden drop. Stagger stepping around in a circle. Rocks crumbling off the edge and down the steep mountain side. “I just want to die.”

Exhaustion and thinning air didn’t do him in and he certainly didn’t allow Mikey to knock him out. Admitting he was suicidal was... well, it was a metaphorical suicide. No part of Donnie realized Mikey could still stop him. All of him was stunned for a split second before everything was silent. He dreamed of two colors, orange and purple, bleeding into each other forever and ever. Zooming into infinity just where the colors tried to mix. New details to blow up and enhance over and over. They bubbled and popped forming new boundaries in mesmerizing and calming ways. His body felt numb and warm like waking up an hour before an alarm clock. Primed to drift away. 

He distantly felt but did not react to his arm being cleaned, tied off, and a needle piercing his skin. He could feel them moving his body, turning him over with great care. Bending his knees and elbows. Checking his joints and prodding him for foreign masses. He could hear them talking, crying, whispering but the words were far away and distorted. He felt someone picking him up like he was delicate and precious. Emotions disconnected from his body. Mood neutral. Thoughts drifting aimlessly around his head staying on textures, immediate sensations like blankets and hugs and not distressing memories.

When he woke up he was hours away from the exam room with a headache and a sore throat as souvenirs. All his physical energy zapped and his magic completely drained. Mikey was under the thick blankets of his hammock bed with him, holding his wrist with an iron tight grip. Fear being the emotion he tapped into to overpower Donnie despite being completely exhausted.

It was a good thing Mikey was able to overpower him too. The Donnie that woke up was glad to still be here. Mikey stirred in his shell, popping his head out and blinking at Donnie with crusty eyes. Clearly he was holding Donnie’s wrist so the second he woke up he wouldn’t be alone. That tugged on something in Donnie’s chest.

“Hey,” Mikey said, breath smelling ripe as he pulled up the sleeve of his nightshirt to look at his digital watch. Why he wore pajama shorts and a long sleeved nightshirt to bed when he normally pulled all his limbs into his shell perplexed Donnie. “It’s been about five hours since we put you to bed. It’s a little after five in the morning. Leo got through everything he needed to-”

Donnie reached out, grimacing at how exhausted Mikey felt.

“I’m okay,” Mikey said, easing back down on the pillows. “Taking your magic actually restored me just not as efficiently as when you give it to me.”

That eased Donnie’s guilt. He cleared his throat finding it dry and Mikey sat up to retrieve a mug at his bedside table. “You can have water but Leo still wants a blood draw.”

Marvelous , Donnie thought while sipping the room temperature water.

Mikey took the mug back and Donnie eased down on his shell. There was an oily feeling on his thighs. Lotion? Some kind of ointment? His cotton pajama bottoms stuck to his skin because of it. 

“Do you want me to make sure you aren’t aware of the blood draw in the morning?”

Donnie gave a coward's response by shrugging and closing his eyes. Aware he was being unhelpful and almost hoping for Mikey to call him out on it.

“I want you to know that I love you, we all love you,” Mikey said, getting back in the hammock. The chains creaked as the momentum settled. “So you should answer my next question honestly because your answer won’t change our love.”

Alarm bells went off in Donnie’s head. They too required getting out of bed to address. There was a pause where Donnie should have answered the yet to be asked question. He could see it coming, he knew he woke up under supervision for a reason, he remembered that awful admission on the exam table. The irony was that wasn’t the first time he had said that while held down by doctors that supposedly cared about him. He knew the answer Mikey wanted; he still couldn’t give it.

Fingers curled around his wrist again. Mikey pressed his cheek to Donnie’s left bicep. “Are you in danger of killing yourself right now?”

Over the last two years Donnie had learned that being suicidal was less a constant state and more a balancing act. Hitting himself removed some weight from one side. Painful memories added weight back to it. Reasons to live often left and were rarely added making time its own factor. The fact that he was aware of this balancing act and hated thinking about it meant it influenced itself in a dangerous feedback loop. The family element became a mix of how much April’s Mom would cry if Donnie killed himself, and then it became a rotten feeling to think so much of himself that she would cry for him. Making the reactions of other’s to his theoretical suicide a deterrent and also another reason to hate himself and also want to die.

The exam and the events leading up to it had dropped so many different weights all over the scale that the whole thing broke. With a clear mind Donnie didn't want to set the scale back up. He didn't want to organize the details of what happened and decide what were points for life and what were points for death. He was also aware this wasn't the first time he declared himself done with the scale only to bring it back out during a trigger as a way to delay suicide.

Dread filled him at the thought of this time being any different. He could honestly say he was not currently suicidal, because compared to the baseline of always wanting to die this feeling was steadier. He still didn’t want to live. He still didn’t want to move from his bed. If killing himself was too much effort to consider then he couldn't be at risk of it, could he?

His arms looped around Mikey... and reminded him that this time he had told someone outside himself when the suicidal feeling reached its highest and most dangerous point. He told them and they stuck by him. Or held him in their communication plane until Donnie promised to be at the next standing appointment no. matter. what.

He knew the plate grabbing Donnie from the day before had a firm handle on the wheel even if he was still too tired to move or answer Mikey’s question. The part of himself that saw a future that wasn't horribly bleak and enjoyed adding onto the base was more present than ever. This part had the firmest hold over his mind in a long time and it was taking advantage of the time to knock down cobwebs and set some new rules even if Donnie couldn’t act on them. Other more knee jerk parts of him were relegated to the back seat where Donnie could turn around and shush them before carrying on. He was the new boss and he really didn't understand what the old one was thinking. Even if the old boss was still him and could still come back and take up his old job.

The question came floating back. Suicide? Was he suicidal? What was it to be suicidal?

That question was too big. Donnie could feel himself wanting to say no because he truly felt suicidal was a term saved for the edges of tall buildings, tying the literal rope, or actively loading a gun. This logic was genuine, it wasn't a deceptive way that aimed to lull Mikey into leaving him alone, but Donnie would be deluding himself to say it wasn’t also an opinion. An opinion that he could choose to believe as fact.

With a twitch of his mouth Donnie started to respond, feeling the way Mikey tensed in their loose sleepy hug. “I need a few days before I can accurately answer that.”

A shudder. Donnie’s arm was squeezed tighter. “Does that mean you don’t know? Or that you don’t want me to know the answer?” Mikey asked.

Anything but open honesty was exhausting. “The physical brought up a lot of unpleasantness for me, to a level I haven’t faced in a long time. I have no data on what I might do, but based on smaller scale events, I do not want to find out what I might be capable of if I'm left alone. I am not sure if that is suicide, or... hitting myself,” (self harm was too big of a term,) “or destroying a room,” Donnie admitted getting distracted, reaching down to try and peel his pants off his ointment-moist bruised thighs. 

Mikey waited for him to continue.

“I currently feel numb as a result of being overwhelmed. I’m aware I sound like a robot. I do not know how to answer your question without overthinking it, which is why I stayed silent for so long. I am sorry.”

He didn't want to die. He didn’t want to live. He was a walking contradiction.

Mikey took a deep breath, “Then, yes or no,” he said, with a forced calm. Voice shaking for some reason. “Would you be okay with me telling Leo and Raph that you confirmed that extra supervision for the next few days would keep you safer than being alone?”

A beat. A tick of the second’s hand. Silence. 

Extra supervision. 

He swirled that phrase around in his mouth unsure of the taste, but Mikey had beaten him to the punch. This was yes or no, not maybe or specifically. It wasn’t if Donnie deserved to ask for that. It was option A or option B.

“Yes.”

“Then we’ll do that,” Mikey said, firm as his hold on Donnie’s arm.

The conversation seemed over. Donnie was at his limit again. Not the one that raced towards thoughts of killing himself but the one that said sleeping was the best of both living and dying. He didn’t need Mikey to drag him back down to sleep, he did it himself dreading how he was about to spend several days in bed and he wouldn’t have a way to hide it from them... but at least he would be safe.

There was that blood draw Mikey warned him about, then breakfast, then teeth brushing and flossing, and then back to bed. None of Mikey’s magic was needed. Donnie was pliant and exhausted. The only motivation he had was getting back in bed where he simmered in a storm of his own thoughts. 

It was then that Leo had a few questions about Donnie’s mental health. Again Donnie felt the balancing game. The low of the exam, the false steady state afterwards, and now the reality of morning. He firmly answered that he was a danger to his own life and safety. He agreed to comply with rules set by Leo to keep him safe. Everyone agreed that Donnie could go back to bed if that was where existing was the least painful.

He wanted to ask them what was going to happen now that it was out in plain terms. He had so many questions all stuck behind his teeth. Not enough self worth to care what happened to his physical body. Leo’s questions would have to be enough for his curiosity. He curled himself into bed and listened as his brothers kept a vigilant watch over him the following night. Mikey sharing his bed again. Tucked completely in his shell and adhered to Donnie’s side.

Raph and Leo were gathered in the far side of his room by a dim desk light and two pushed together wooden desks. They played a card game with steaming mugs of tea, TSA logos scratching off the ceramic. They were silent until they decided Donnie must be asleep.

“Depending on what the MRI shows-”

“When we get an MRI Machine,” Leo interjected. “If that’s possible.”

Raph snorted, setting a card down on the desk. “Hey I’ve been keeping my eye out for your birthday.”

“Aw,” Leo said bashfully, cards slid over the wood polished surface.

“But seriously, depending on how bad it looks, will we know how much of a recovery he can make?” Raph asked.

This brought Donnie to full awareness. He should be helping Leo with getting an MRI Machine up and running. They didn’t necessarily need one intact one, they needed a mostly intact one that Donnie could pull apart and repair with parts from other MRI Machines. It was also possible a manual would allow Donnie to create missing parts. Instead he was too exhausted to think about the issues. Knowing that the MRI Machine was specifically for him. Leo had to know his brain would never be the same. This was a fruitless endeavor.

“I spoke to Barry in vague terms but...” Leo sounded like he was shaking his head. “He has to know who I was referring to. Only one of us has been unaccounted for long enough for that to have happened. I’ll apologize to Donnie later.”

“You had to weigh his privacy against his health,” Raph said. “What does he think?”

“He said we can regenerate our organs.”

“Not limbs too?” Raph asked

“Apparently our fully limbed creator deems us as able to live on without an arm or leg because those can be replaced with machinery,” Leo drawled. “Apparently getting shot through the lung is kind of a big deal. It’s why I have never had to give any of us dental implants. Our teeth grow back. Our muscles and nerves grow back, he honestly said our brains are a gray area and didn’t understand why I laughed- but seriously. A foreign object went into his brain. Most of the time that’s death. Yet he’s alive so his brain had to heal, but he’s not the same and he had two of those procedures... fuck. He's functioning but how do we quantify normal for Donnie? He was never normal to begin with.”

Mikey’s shell opened and he snuck his head out to squint at the other side of the room. Donnie fiddled with the grain of his scutes. Running his finger around the biggest one in the center of his shell.

“That's kind of what I was getting at,” Raph said hesitantly. “I don't want to call him... You know.”

“Weird?” Leo asked.

He was overhearing something he wasn’t sure he wanted to. Mikey was tense under his hand and he couldn’t shift his position without alerting Leo and Raph that he was awake. His thighs were of great concern to Leo so he had been asked to lay on his back with a pillow under his knees. His head was tilted in their direction, he couldn't even move his face without them seeing he was awake. The word ‘weird’ crawled around in his head.

“Yeah,” Raph said, lowering his voice. “But he is weird. And I want to know if we'll ever get that back. Or if we're already as close as we're going to get.”

The first person to call him weird was Splinter. Donnie remembered how it happened, he had a huge tantrum over a change in plans and he heard his own father explain to his brothers that he was weird. Particular. Set in his ways. Close-minded. All different ways to say weird without saying weird. Not weird like the way Raph sometimes spoke in the third person, not weird in the way Leo was with what they all agreed was ADHD, not weird like the way Mikey cried when those around him did. Donnie was the kind of weird that made people uncomfortable. With his weird hand spazzing. His weird food likes and dislikes. His hatred of loud environments.

“Donnie is weird, isn't he?” Leo asked, surprised to be saying it himself.

“Thought we had established this...” Raph said slowly.

Leo spoke with confused spacing, each word surprising him even though he was the one talking. “I just... it's kinda just now hitting me. He's weird but not like, part of some questionable online groups weird , or holding some conflicting political opinions weird , or whatever Dad's parenting ethics were weird ... Like, ‘ I didn't eat because eating will make me unable to focus for the next forty-nine minutes,’ weird. Or; ‘We need to leave the store right now because a screaming toddler has activated my flight or fight response,’ weird. Or; ‘I'm a monster because April's cat died and I felt bad for her but not bad enough because everyone got mad when I offered to clone it but I thought that would make me feel better if I was her but now I think I'm a monster with no emotions and I'm saying all this while crying,’ weird.”

“Last one was oddly specific...”

“The last one was the most what the fuck for me and the word weird never crossed my mind once!” Leo exclaimed, setting his mug down a little too hard. “My entire neck is covered in snot and tears from someone telling me they don't feel anything and they just constantly pretend to have emotions- then what is this? A cold? Are you having an entire cold into the crook of my neck? But it wasn't weird to me, it was just Donnie being... Donnie.”

Raph burst out laughing and tried to muffle it. Meanwhile on the other side of Donne; Mikey let out a long suffering sigh that could have blown the whole eavesdropping operation.

“What?” Leo asked, perplexed.

“With how expertly you handled Donnie when we were kids I always thought you two were both pieces from the same weird puzzle,” Raph said, clearing his throat. “And I had that word in my head too. Knowing that you were just as confused as us, but better in the moment is kind of funny? You were taking it in stride the whole time?”

“I think I just... I think I knew when he was about to be uncomfortable before he would, I started looking at situations the way he would to help him,” Leo said openly. “That became my normal, predicting when and why Donnie would react a certain way. You'd be surprised at what he takes without blinking and what will freak him out.”

“You were really good at being what he needed most when we were kids,” Raph pointed out. “You helped him through so much Leo. I hope you know that, I hope he told you.”

Donnie did, didn’t he? His beak scrunched up and it took a lot of effort to smooth his face out before Leo and Raph could see. Even then he was still trapped between wanting them to see he was awake so they stopped talking and wanting to know their real opinions. Eavesdropping was always a game of patience. Perhaps that's why Donnie didn’t mind reconnaissance missions or stake outs. Listening to people talk until they say the right thing. Rarely was Donnie able to tune in to the right location at the right time immediately.

“He told me, heh, he told me in a Donnie way because he returned the favor. Letting me sleep in his bed anytime even though he described my sleep style like a flopping fish possessed by a demon looking for cutting edge yoga moves. Late night talks about whatever I wanted. Late night trips to places he would never have gone otherwise,” Leo said, which was a very interesting way to describe those outings. “He had no secrets but he would keep mine under lock and key and wouldn't even think to use them against me.”

“Aw. What a softie,” Raph cooed.

Softie. Now that was a weird way to describe Donnie who only knew enough about his external personality to understand that he came across as blunt, cold-hearted, and unempathetic. Hell, he had (in memory only) the EPF Psych Evals to prove it.

“I used to think he was making fun of us by always having some over the top solution to a small problem. He would look at us like we should have thought of the things he did too. Bringing ice to our lazy river kind of thing, ‘Why should I give you my ice? Why aren't you acting as smart as I would when I think you can?’ I think Donnie looks at everyone as him. In his head everyone is as smart as him,” Leo explained. “So when we're not, when we differ, he's confused like we're not meeting the high expectations he would set for himself.”

Donnie squinted behind his eyelids by closing them harder. This was actually the worst thing in the world to listen to; he wasn't recording so he had no hope of being able to play this back and analyze it. Was this flattering? Considering he was suicidal he had to assume Mikey would intervene if they were openly talking negatively about him.

“In the same lane I always liked how he made me feel like he was the same age as me,” Raph said.

They had had this conversation before. Full disclosure Donnie had no idea what it meant back then or what it meant now.

“No qualms about taking us on a wild mission even though I was the leader. No issue with pulling out a gadget and charging forward with a new way to do our mission. Mikey said the same thing. Donnie wasn't an older sibling to him. Donnie just was. Even as kids. Donnie would never suggest Mikey was too young for something, I often found myself saying Mikey was too young for a movie or sketchy trip and Donnie being confused. I'd have to explain it to him until he dropped it.”

Leo made a noise of steady agreement. “He sees everything so differently. I want to be in his head,” he said. “I want to experience a Donnie Day. I want to experience being so excited for a new movie that I can't watch the movie for three months because I'm scared of watching something I haven't seen- yeah, I know, but that's why I want to know! He's endearingly weird. I love him for it.”

This was flattery, but like watching a new movie without knowing the ending or reading three months of reviews; it was comparable to torture. Donnie hated surprises and this conversation was unpredictable and about him. Keeping a scream suppressed in the bottom of his throat by speeding up his circling finger around Mikey’s scutes. This caused a new problem as Mikey started to sleepily churr and retreat a bit more in his shell.

“But that endearing weirdness is something he is... or was, or still is aware of and tries to tone down. Now this has happened,” Leo said, discouraged. “It's making things harder for him when they were already hard. Experiencing a day as Donnie might answer some of my burning questions, but a whole lifetime sounds... so goddamn exhausting. I thought a lot about him after we thought he died. I wish I had been easier on him. I thought if he was here in Nebraska even though that was a shot in the dark that I would do everything I could to be better for him. Then he avoided us, and I said the wrong thing because I was exhausted and not thinking. Then I was a bit peeved that he looked so put together after supposedly escaping a complete elimination of the EPF by Kraang and he didn’t reach out one single time. Didn’t send a drone. Didn’t leave note at the lair-”

Raph sighed. Without eyes on the conversation Donnie could only use context clues to guess Raph had reached over to stop Leo from going any further.

“Just because we had a rough start, and we were coming into a situation we didn’t have full context for doesn’t mean we can’t start making it easier for him right now. We’re doing it right now. Cindy said he’s never had a day off-”

“I wouldn’t consider laying in bed all day too sad to move a vacation,” Leo cut in.

“Leo, stop. ”

A sigh paced near the desks before sitting back down.

“It’s better not the best,” Raph advised. “We work on making things better and better but we start here- Don't give me that look, don't ask how, we'll figure it out. Mikey said that shared plane he formed with Donnie can have outsiders as long as someone is powering the circle for them. Like Barry. We could see Donnie and what Mikey was talking about regarding his spirit form. He says talking to Donnie on that plane would help Donnie realize that we still care about him. That's one way to make this better. Not the best. Not perfect.”

“We're not therapists...” Leo began. “Even if Mikey is as much an expert on mental health as I am on physical health; what if he needs more than we can give? What if we're not enough to get our endearing weirdo back?”

“Look at it this way; Donnie is treading open water. Has been for years now. We can't pull him onto our boat but we can push some pieces of debris towards him. It could mean the difference between drowning and having a little more time.”

The drowning analogy was ridiculous considering Donnie could literally breathe water. The air was what was slowly undoing him. The idea of what Raph was saying was there, and he was right about laying down all day versus out in a random building choking on his painful memories. His bed made him feel safe and warm. His room was in a very secure location. The last few weeks had been filled with paranoia about being ambushed by well meaning family and friends. All of that was tossing Donnie around in the water so to speak. Leo should listen to Raph, he was saying a lot of things Donnie agreed with. Leo didn’t need to carry all this guilt.

“Yeah. I guess, but it feels like we're doing that from a boat with its own leaks and damages,” Leo murmured.

Silence again. The deck was shuffled. New game. Raph was the first to speak, “You gotta work with me here. Don't keep going down a dark path. Nothing good down there, come back towards me,” he coaxed.

Donnie’s mouth twitched. There was a history between Leo and Raph now. He was running along after them and picking up a piece of their puzzle every so often. What they just dropped was a whole corner section. Unlike the days when Donnie left it appeared Leo and Raph were communicating more openly. Donnie almost dared to say they had talked about mental health.

“Right right. Okay.” Leo took a deep breath and counted to ten as he exhaled. “I hope he can rest for a few days, I hope this is healthy needed rest and not what dad did when we were little and therefore another troubling symptom-”

That stung. Donnie couldn’t help the way his body jerked with that comment. Mikey fully came out of his shell and sat up in the bed silently.

“Leo,” Raph warned.

“I know I know,” Leo whispered, rocking with it.

“Try again.”

“Uhg. Okay. Okay. Trying again-” Leo said, taking deep and slow breaths. “Hey, April and Cindy are really eager to see him. They caught me when I was out looking for Bear-Bear about the poke-poke. I wonder if Donnie would allow them to be part of his current safety bubble?”

Raph hummed. “I think Donnie would like them here. We’re still giving him a safe space to decompress in-”

“Yeah what about some space where you two aren't yapping about the poor guy?” Mikey asked unkindly.

“Mikey he's a heavy sleeper, but not that heavy!” Leo hissed. “Don't talk from the bed!”

Mikey scoffed. “He, and I, have been awake this whole time! Guys come on I am so tired and I'm not sleeping unless D is sleeping.”

Donnie desperately wanted to find out how Mikey was monitoring when he was asleep and controlling his own sleep to sync with him. He also had the good sense to hold that curiosity deep inside until he wasn’t so desperate to end his life. Every escape route or potential gap in his safety net getting closed prior to him attempting to exploit it made him feel better. His brothers were on to him and taking this very seriously. Almost like they didn’t want him to die and what was Donnie supposed to do with that knowledge except ache with it?

“Go back to bed, he's asleep. I know when he's asleep, I'll bet my right arm on it,” Leo whispered loudly. “Raph back me up-”

That was the funniest moment to sit up and stare blankly at Leo so Donnie did exactly that. Too bad he didn’t have his glasses; he would bet his own right arm that Leo looked extremely dumb.

“Oh what did I say?” Mikey asked. “What. Did. I. Say?”

“Well you could have said something earlier Mikey!” Leo snapped. “Why would you let him overhear all that-”

“Maybe I figured you would both have the good sense to not say something fucking stupid while he’s in the same room as you,” Mikey shot back.

Donnie started pressing his fingers into his thighs under the cover of the blankets.

“I didn't want him to hear all that. Shit, Donnie.” Ah, darn, Leo was sitting on the edge of the bed and taking Donnie’s hand away from his thighs. “Sorry I called you weird.”

Raph dragged a wooden bench over and sat down while Donnie sat up frozen in bed. The plan was to be funny and sit up so Leo would have to eat his words. Now they were making a late night meeting out of it. Since his thighs were off limit he began messing with the bandage on his arm from the morning blood draw. He shrugged.

“Go ahead D, talk to us,” Mikey said gently. “We can't read minds.”

“Well...” Leo said, smirking at Raph.

“Silence, Mind Melders,” Mikey warned.

Donnie looked at Leo. Blurry, but more details than when he was across the room. Leo couldn’t read his mind. None of them could, and he did have a regret to amend and little reason to not say it aloud. How could he change if he didn't put in the effort to start?

Tucking his knees under his chin and hugging his shins he stared off between Raph and Leo. “I hope I wasn't annoying to you guys when we were kids. I know I could be a little much so I'm trying now to not do that,” he said, accidentally peeling the bandaid from his blood draw all the way off. Tacky adhesive sticking to his brittle nails. “Finding a balance is hard.”

“There's no balance to changing your personality completely, Donnie,” Raph said, bench creaking as he leaned forward into his middle-distance stare. “We don't want you to be less. Please don't be less.”

“And not to completely change the subject: I really miss your eyebrows,” Leo said, carefully taking the bandage off Donnie’s nail bed and easily landing it in the wastebasket by his desk.

Mikey nodded and ran a light finger above Donnie’s eye. “Yeah, your face looks a lot more... naked without them.”

Donnie felt his bare face like he might see what they were talking about. The eyebrows were this stupid thing he did as a kid because he looked up a chart of facial expressions and couldn't complete them without eyebrows. He would not listen to reason from his brothers about whether or not he needed eyebrows. Then one day it was no longer a big deal because Mikey went through a handlebar mustache phase and everyone understood eyebrows or no eyebrows were the least of their concerns.

Mikey did that on purpose for him.

“The agents at the EPF laughed about my eyebrows,” Donnie said. Not to his face, but enough snickering after he turned a corner would wear anyone down. Even Donnie who claimed to not care what people think of him understood he was in a professional setting outside his sheltered family unit. In The Resistance Leo and Raph shut down any remarks about Donnie’s drawn on eyebrows.

Mikey and Raph frowned but Leo seemed to understand something they didn’t. His whole face lit up and he grabbed Donnie’s chin. “Is that why you killed them all?” he asked the way an owner might praise their dog for scaring a squirrel away.

This huge popcorn feeling erupted in Donnie’s jaw down to his stomach. He fucking leaned in towards the touch and lost himself in how stupid that idea was and how immediately Leo suggested it.

“Leo!” Raph scolded.

Donnie pulled away to try and swallow a laugh, which only made Mikey laugh too. Spitting and coughing as he choked on his own saliva. Then there was no stopping how stupid this was. Donnie tried to smother himself in his knees.

“Oh I like that sound!” Leo said, crowding into Donnie’s space like he was never once kicked out. “Huh, D. Do I have it figured out? They came for your eyebrows so you came for their lives. Hmmm?”

“Something- Something like that,” Donnie choked, the expectation to answer further evaporated the second Leo was hugging him and laughing.

Raph scooted closer to fix Donnie’s blankets and untangle the pillow he was using for his legs from the covers. “I can't believe you made that joke.”

“Do you even know me?” Leo asked, rubbing his hand up and down Donnie’s shivering shell.

“Okay, okay,” Raph said, shaking his head. “Since you're awake D, can Cindy and April be added to your safe space bubble. They’ve been dying to see you.”

He wanted to avoid the question. Talking was hard. Being hugged was zapping away his energy. More people in this room sounded exhausting. The idea of explaining that was exhausting. Then it all settled to his feet that he shouldn’t care.

So he didn’t care.

“Whatever you think is best,” his response was pliant as he was today. Complete submission.

The entire room was still and awkward. Leo froze and Raph twitched a little. Then just as quickly their tense postures dropped.

Raph cleared his throat. “Okay bud. We'll table it.”

Donnie hummed. Again they were on to him. “Alright. Hey Nardo?” he asked, addressing the twin still holding him in a fierce side hug. Chin resting on his shoulder.

“Yes, Tello?” Leo asked quietly.

“Thank you, for...” he didn’t know how to say it. How did one express gratitude years after the fact without it coming across as hollow? How could Donnie cry about April’s cat when he was sure he wasn’t actually sad? If he was truly grateful he would have said thank you, it wasn’t enough to just feel better when Leo saved him from uncomfortable situations time and time again.

“I know,” Leo said, pulling away with a stiff upper lip. “You're welcome, forever and ever,” he said, shifting to sit a little more in front of Donnie so he could cradle his face. “Got it? Forever and ever.”

“Did I annoy you when we were little?” Donnie asked, voice weird from Leo smushing in the sides of his mouth.

Leo shook both their heads. “Never. Not possible. I love you.”

“We love you,” Raph added from the blurry backdrop. “We never stopped.”

“Even though I'm weird?” Donnie asked, searching for something they were missing. Forming a crack in their own logic so he could slip through without feeling guilty.

Mikey held his hand (and prevented him from leaving crescent moon shaped nail indents on his shins), “Weird is good D, we love the weird that makes you who you are.”

Donnie closed his eyes and pulled his face from Leo’s hands. “Even though I left?” he asked, turning his head away from all of them.

“We didn’t make it easy for you to stay,” Leo said and at the same time Raph whispered with a deep croaking voice, “We didn’t realize that until you had already made your decision.”

“Overwhelmed,” Donnie choked out, feeling like someone was pressing down on his throat just above his Adam’s Apple.

His brothers snorted and laughed. Hands reached to help him lay back down in his bed. Placing all the pillows exactly where they need to go.

“The one word status updates never get old,” Raph whispered with a smile as he tucked the blankets around Donnie. Putting him right where he belonged. Safe and surrounded by them.

Donnie slept and slept and slept.

He slept for three days, only getting up because every side of him was sore from laying down. Being awake was overwhelming. Hard on every part of his body. Breathing took effort, existing was painful, his babysitters didn’t allow him to hit his thighs or skull. Raph would hold him tight through the worst episodes. The ones where Donnie screamed and kicked and tried everything to get away from the past while Mikey calmed him and Leo talked about anything to take his mind somewhere else. The pressure helped the most. The way Raph could squish him reminded him of how he always slept better under something. A heavy blanket.

A twin.

Asking out loud for a nice hard squeeze was impossible.

Donnie was the mutant that betrayed his own kind. Dedicated to helping save humanity no matter the personal cost to his image, his family, or his friends. The only mystic warrior who saw the writing on the wall and understood that the only way they could save the world was to come together. To hold hands with the same people that would turn the scalpels on them the seconds the Kraang were vanquished.

Telling them about his role in the EPF seemed impossible. The memories were muddled by the inescapable reality of having had a lobotomy. A fact Donnie had practically hidden from his own mind because it bothered him so deeply. That he might not be the same as he was before. That his memories, personality, and quirks were no longer his but erased by a blender stuck up into his head.

In those days spent in bed Leo became so extremely understanding about the coping mechanism Donnie defaulted to. He claimed to have no issue in his role in Donnie’s mind behind the surgical smocks and masks. Leaning into it by touching Donnie as much as possible, even in areas that weren’t necessarily appropriate. Where the veins in his legs had permanent lines attached at one point. Pumps to keep his blood volume as low as they could. Leo seeked to replace phantom sensations with his own real hands. While Donnie was pinned to Raph and half numbed by Mikey; Leo did all sorts of things. Sterilizing and then pricking the inside of Donnie’s thighs, slowly writing over memories with ones where Leo told a story from their childhood while pretending to do something of medical significance. Taking Donnie’s blood pressure. Listening to his heart. Nothing as invasive as some of what he had to imagine Leo doing just to survive, but what his twin could offer helped. Memories had their sharp edges sanded down. All his brothers were willing to do whatever had to be done to give Donnie a chance at recovery. If it meant pinning him down and talking softly they would do it. It was Leo for real this time and his playful sass was enough to still chattering teeth.

A little part of Donnie would never stop feeling guilty about it as he soaked it all in. Reaching out to Raph before he started hitting himself. Leaning into the tapping fingers of his twin after “pretend procedures” were talked through. Opening his mind to Mikey for frequent visits to their communication plane. Donnie was still a child there but he wasn’t a child full of built up misery anymore. He could talk to Mikey about his suicidal thoughts, the communication plane working as a fool proof way to monitor Donnie’s mental state. (Being the original intent of the spell and all.)

He got better. He ate one meal a day. Then two. Then three. Maybe all in his room and with Leo practically coaxing him through every bite but he got there. Between hours spent with Raph updating his port and arm. Dressed in blankets and scattering his bedroom with oily parts while Raph patiently let Donnie enter his classic Speech Mode about ways he could improve the arm. Having had five years (with a few unspeakable gaps) to think about it.

They did end up adding Cindy and April to his safe space. Cindy would bring a huge jigsaw puzzle for them to peck away at. A disguised way of helping Donnie with his motor control by picking up small pieces of cardboard and pressing them into the correct place. Donnie started joining her in her yoga routines even though he had to hold onto a wall for most of the positions. April spent the same visit slowly trying to Donnie-fy Donnie’s room. Adding more purple. Finding a completely unnecessary strip of purple LED lights to line his desk. Then there was the most important element: his purple bandana and eyebrows. His hands were too shaky to draw them on himself, but April did a good enough job. Even if Donnie wasn’t comfortable wearing them yet he had the option thanks to her.

Leo became avoidant about updating his own arm once Raph’s was complete (aside from add-ons like grappling hooks and flamethrowers.) Popping in outside of mealtimes only to show Donnie weird things he found then leaving in a blur of ADHD to find another trinket. Without warning he would pull Donnie away to rub arnica gel on the top of his thighs for the bruising. The touch was still scary but helping. Then he was off through a portal.

Donnie chalked it up to his current obsession with finding an MRI Machine.

Mikey slept in his room at night. Pivoting between sleeping in Donnie’s bed or alone depending on whether or not Donnie slept at a reasonable time. Raph's arm was still a delicious distraction but he did insist the diaper wrapping functionality be benched, along with the idea for a breast pump attachment. Something about Cassandra not being happy about either of those. Leo would spend the night only if Donnie was awake and working, his insomnia still as present as his inability to sit still. Raph was around as much as he could be but understandably had a life partner and young son and no breast pump or diaper wrapping (and smell eliminating) arm features to save precious time.

Whatever Mikey, Raph, and Leo told everyone after the physical seemed to keep them away. Giving Donnie adequate privacy to have his brothers for support. Rotating to keep a constant eye on Donnie and maybe for that reason keeping Donnie from slipping to reclusive spots. He didn’t look through his cameras and spy on his family. Partially because he was always being monitored but more so he still carried the fear that they secretly hated him. He knew whenever two of his brothers were alone and talking they would vent about how tiresome Donnie was. These beliefs were a festering wound that Donnie was hesitant to talk about. Eventually he had to open up to Mikey but Mikey only said the same thing he always did. They loved him. He was worthy of help.

So Donnie dropped it.

Little did Donnie know his brothers were working on a plan for that too.

“This is not necessary.”

“Okay, D,” Mikey agreed, in a tone that he had been overusing these days. Agreeing with Donnie then piling more food on his plate anyways. “Whatever you say.”

“You say that and continue to draw on my circle,” Donnie pointed out, hiking his blanket further up his shoulders. He took a cautious glance to the side of the room where Baron Draxum was sitting on his legs.

“He is adding a source ring so that I may power the spell,” Baron Draxum explained, studying Donnie.

Donnie looked down. “I thought you wanted nothing to do with me?”

“I thought you had more control with the EPF,” Baron Draxum replied evenly. “We can both be wrong and help each other now.”

That was about as good of terms he could hope for. Back to being neutral with each other. Donnie would take it for now and think about it later when everything wasn’t so raw. Still coming off days of feeling everything way more than he wanted to. Vaguely aware that outside his brother's details had been shared but not sure how much they knew. He didn’t want to be looked at differently. He didn’t want to be pitied over a little brain fiddling.

At the same time if he and Baron Draxum could get along again, their combined knowledge of the EPF might be useful. Donnie might not have a perfect memory of his time there but he should consider recording what he did learn about Kraang.

“Come on D,” Leo said, wrapping his flesh arm around Donnie’s shoulders. “Let us see the mystic plane thingy you and Mikey have. Give us the tour.”

At least Leo was wearing a hoodie today, maybe because it was cold again and raining. “There’s a high chance both of your untrained asses just fizzle out into vapor and float away,” Donnie pointed out, squinting at Leo and Raph.

Both of them shrugged, completely unconcerned with fizzling away.

“Not with Barry powering the spell!” Mikey said, standing and dusting chalk off his chestnut brown linen pants, held in place by Splinter’s old obi. “We thought ahead.”

Donnie sighed, feeling very peer pressured at the moment as his brothers sat in the circle with their dumb hopeful smiles. “Would pointing out that this spell was made purely for interrogations make any of you reconsider how violating this will be for me?” he asked, still on the outskirts of the circle.

“Nope,” Raph said cheerfully. “Get in the circle. It’s happening.”

After days and days of their constant overbearing company Donnie found it impossible to just walk away. Greedy for even more affirmation that he wasn’t hated but terrified that he was going to drop into a place where he could see his family’s true opinions of him. Calling Raph’s baby a mistake. Telling Leo he imagined him as one of the doctors working for the EPF. They had to still be hurting over that and Donnie wanted to shy away from the fact that something he did hurt people he cared about. Reminding him of the time he made his brothers those rather insulting gifts as a teenager and the talk they had afterwards.

Donnie let the blanket slip from his shoulders. It annoyingly caught on some of the spines lining the top lip of his shell. He fought the snag and the blanket until it was folded into fours and set to the side on a rug. Then he stepped into the circle to join his brothers. He was literally the only one in pajamas. They took up positions like a compass. Donnie was across from Mikey, Leo was across from Raph. All three of his brothers nodded and began meditating. The circle glowed. Light streaked up a full foot, shimmering and dancing like the tail fins of a delicate and expensive betta fish.

“Don’t make them wait on you,” Baron Draxum said after half a minute, tilting his chin down.

With a deep breath Donnie closed his eyes and allowed himself to fall into the trance. A sensation like his ears were popping made him grimaces. Voices hushed. One hissing out between their teeth.

“Mikey, he’s here-” Raph said, wincing with his voice.

“Yep, keep it to yourself.” Mikey’s peppy voice came closer and Donnie cracked one cautious eye open in time to see dark green calves before he was plucked up off the floor. “Just let me-”

Donnie scrambled into Mikey’s arms. Hugging his little brother’s neck and holding the top lip of his carapace. He caught a glimpse of the two other forms on the plane. Felt their worry and pain like the smoke off a fire on a windy day. Irritating his sinuses and burning his eyes. Intense and wafting over him. Questions crackled in the drying wood. Why did he look like this? Why was he so small? Was he okay? Of course he wasn’t okay; he was a toddler.

“Hey D, hey man, come here.” Mikey spoke like Donnie wasn’t already in his arms. They were two brothers meeting at a party and not in a horribly violating plane where everyone could feel the fact that he felt bad about this.

It was one thing to be embarrassed and another to feel it and know that others know it too. They could tease him and it would hurt, and they would know it would hurt.

“This is humiliating. You know that right?” Donnie bit out, regretting this but immediately intoxicated by the warmth of Mikey’s love. “I want everyone to know this is embarrassing and I hate it.”

Behind him Leo burst out into a fit of laughter.

“Leo!” Raph scolded.

“Sorry, he’s so small I didn’t expect him to talk like an adult,” Leo giggled, catching his breath.

“How old is he?” Raph asked Mikey after shooting a final glare towards Leo.

Donnie scowled and pulled away from Mikey to tilt and look up at his humongous brother. Leo covered his mouth and squealed. “He is twenty-four and already regrets this. I don’t want to be in this form, can we not make fun of me?”

He shot a glare at Leo who was now on his hand (singular) and knees pounding the ground with his fist by tilting his right side down. Asshole.

“No one is making fun of you,” Mikey said, meaning Leo was now no one. Donnie could get behind that. “Now that you two have seen what I have been talking about,” Mikey said, through his teeth towards Raph and a still wheezing Leo, “When we’re done I’ll answer your question. Let’s just focus on Donnie before Barry gets impatient with the spell.”

He promptly sat down and held Donnie in his lap. A position that Donnie had been comfortable with for months but now in front of Raph and his no good rotten laughing twin he felt all that embarrassment crash into him. Pummeling down his walls while he nervously picked at his nail beds. Edge of his prehensile shell flapping anxiously.

Leo suddenly composed himself, sparing Donnie a guilty glance before standing up. Raph and Mikey were glaring at him. Leo awkwardly used his short arm to scratch under his chin.

This was the first time Donnie had seen Leo’s actual arm in five years. He was never without his too short metal extension on even though it had to be uncomfortable. Leo was quick to tilt away but Donnie saw the skin and the weird way the stunted limb looked swollen.

“How do we help Donnie, again?” Leo asked, coming over to Mikey and Donnie and sitting down. Donnie snapped his teeth at Leo when he reached to touch him and Leo pulled his hand away with an offended look. “I know I said I understood but I was thinking all his trauma would play like a clip show- Ow!” he snapped, as Raph punched him very lightly in his right shoulder. “Hey! Mikey, Raph punched me in here!” he complained, rubbing his small arm.

Mikey sighed, tucking Donnie closer to his plastron. “Leo, first of all, you deserved it,” he stated. “Second, I’m not king of the mystic plane. Don’t punch each other. There is no clip show. This is not an interrogation, it's all of us together. So come here and touch Donnie.”

“Sounds a little weird but okay- Raph no- No punch-”

“I hate this so much,” Donnie muttered, wincing against the giant hand that curled around his back and side. Even here Raph’s hand was calloused.

It was also brimming with concern. Anxiety. Fear. Regret.

Love.

“Oh buddy,” Raph whispered, heart broken.

“Sorry,” Donnie whispered. Not wanting to make his brothers feel worse about the things they didn’t know. He held the end of Raph’s giant thumb, his hand couldn't even close around it.

Raph pressed in a little harder thanks to Mikey’s encouraging pull. One hand cupping the nape of Donnie’s neck and the other pulling Raph’s hand tighter in.

“No. Just. No, D. No being sorry,” Raph whispered before turning to his left. “Leo get in here.”

Leo hummed and hawed. “How old is he?”

“Doesn’t matter, get in here.” Mikey said immediately at the same time Donnie responded with, “Twenty-four.”

“Yes it matters,” Leo said. “Physically, what are we thinking? Four, five?” he asked, standing above them.

Raph pulled back slightly and Donnie cowered further into Mikey under the scrutiny. “Seven,” he said after a moment.

“Final answer?” Leo asked like a game show host. “Are we locking it in?”

“Yeah- what are you-” Raph began.

The air felt weird. Gravity shifted. Something deep in Donnie woke up. A familiarity he hadn’t felt in a long time. He turned his head in time to see Leo nail his landing on one leg and arms T-posed.

“Boom baby!” A much smaller Leo cheered, pumping both hands in the air. “I can’t hug my twin at a different size! That’s just wrong! Prepare for impact because here comes Neon Leon!”

“Leo! How did you-”

“Oof!” Mikey grunted.

Ignoring the troubling fact that Leo could control his own form on the mystic plane, Donnie immediately pulled Leo into a hug. Seeing an old friend that he had lost decades ago. Leo was all smiles and giggles and annoyingly grabby. Taking hold of the flexible edge of Donnie’s shell and flapping it for him.

“Leo! How did you do that?” Raph asked again, doing his best to keep Leo and Donnie in Mikey’s lap despite the rough housing.

“I’m clearly amazing,” Leo announced, lightly smacking Donnie’s cheeks and giggling when Donnie nipped at him for it. They had a little smack fight with Leo coming very close to getting bitten and laughing the whole time about it. “Where Donnie goes I go! Including whatever this is! It’s a twin thing and we’re never deviating again! Got it?”

Firmly pinned under Leo all Donnie could do was nod. Not sure how Leo managed to do this but suddenly he wasn’t embarrassed to be physically seven. Leo helped him sit up and then hugged him, pinning his arms to his side like always. No expectation of a hug in return.

“So come on then!” Leo announced, releasing Donnie and climbing out of Mikey’s lap. He took Donnie’s hand and pulled him out too. Shorter (but not as short by comparison) arm windmilling to keep his balance.

“What are you doing?” Mikey asked, amused and taking the opportunity to sit on his legs.

Satisfied that Donnie was now out of Mikey’s lap and standing he gave Donnie a big mischievous grin. Only it didn’t scare Donnie, it just reminded him of being a kid and having a problem that Leo had a crazy solution for. Despite Leo’s plans as a kid always resulting in more problems Donnie went along with them. The messes they made along the way were always more fun anyways.

“Duh, I’m going to grow up with Donnie!” Leo announced with all the confidence of a seven year old determined to steal a pinball machine with his twin by writing a ransom note to the arcade owner. “We did it once already so again should be twice as easy,” he declared, grabbing Donnie’s shoulders.

Donnie grabbed Leo’s shoulders back, tilting in on one side so Leo’s smaller arm could actually reach. “I’ve been trying to grow up in here for a long time, Leo,” Donnie said, knowing this wouldn’t work. “I’m not sure it’s possible.”

Leo scoffed. “Well, knowing you, you’re trying to go from seven to twenty four. That’s not how aging works, Donnie. No one goes from seven to twenty four. You have to turn eight first. Then after you’re eight you have to turn nine. And then after you’re nine you turn ten-”

“Leo,” Raph warned.

“Yeah yeah,” Leo said, staring indulgently at Donnie. “But you get what I am saying right?”

“I understand the theory but I don’t know what’s so different about seven and eight,” Donnie pointed, shoulders shrugging under Leo’s grip. “How do I change if I don’t know the difference?”

Leo gave him a confused look. “You really don’t know what changed between seven and eight?”

“No?” Donnie said, looking up at Mikey, then Raph who was practically the same height as a house. They both looked equally confused.

“You finally tried black peas,” Leo said, shaking Donnie’s shoulders. “Mikey finally found a way to feed you black peas and you tried them-”

“And became unreasonably obsessed with them for two months,” Donnie said, the memory of this scary casserole Mikey made using some black peas Splinter accidentally bought. Donnie had just gotten over a stomach bug and mentally declared several of his safest foods no longer safe since he threw them up. The casserole had a box mix of rice, black peas, sausage, and a whole entire garden of forbidden textures like onion and diced tomatoes. Donnie was so hungry but wouldn’t touch it. Donnie had refused to eat, so Mikey made him a deconstructed casserole of rice, sausage, and a creamy milk sauce. He also pureed the black peas into the sauce to thicken it up and insert something healthy for his immune system.

The sauce was delicious. Mikey and the family had been desperate to feed him something with substance which was why they snuck the peas into his food despite it usually causing him to cry. Donnie couldn’t be mad because the flavor was everything to him.

Then he kind of went too far. 

He must have consumed thirty pounds of black peas by himself in those two months. Mikey had to include it in something everyday. Donnie was teased mercilessly for snacking on roasted black peas during movies. What eight year old willingly gorged themselves on peas-

Donnie jumped up several inches in height, Leo followed after him. Both eight.

“Donnie!” Mikey gasped.

“That worked?” Raph asked.

“Duh of course it worked,” Leo said, shaking Donnie’s shoulders. “Remember that time when we were nine and you saved me from that venomous snake in the pet store where we got Piebald for dad-”

“It was a corn snake,” Donnie said.

“Yes! But you picked it up with your bare hands and locked it in its cage! You were so brave!” Leo said.

“It was a corn snake-” Donnie attempted to say but he turned nine and that was more jarring than Leo’s inability to identify a corn snake.

Leo turned nine too. “Remember when we were ten competing on who could get Raph the best birthday present and we hit the jackpot and stole that turtle crossing sign from the zoo but then we realized the turtles would get arrested for jaywalking so we had to put it back and it was night and there was a snake and you picked up the snake and saved me from the snake-”

“That was a snake shaped stick,” Donnie said flatly, but he turned ten.

“Okay, second snake themed memory...,” Raph said.

“Leo does not like snakes,” Mikey stage-whispered.

Now they were both ten. Donnie swallowed and looked down at his body. Was it really this easy? Just remembering things from when he was a certain age?

“Oh, remember when we were eleven and I made an app that specifically hacked into every security system in New York because you were having an unauthorized sleep over with April?” Donnie asked, becoming eleven.

Leo nodded enthusiastically but stayed ten. “You’re getting it!”

“Oh that one wasn’t about snakes,” Raph said.

“April’s neighbor helped fix her door after you guys rescued me, but she had to pet sit her neighbor’s snake in return,” Leo said, now turning eleven.

“Never mind,” Raph muttered.

Bouncing back and forth they aged up to sixteen when Leo and Donnie went to a resort in The Hidden City but it was an awkward Couples Only Weekend so they had to pretend to be engaged leading to series of increasingly outlandish lies until security threw them out and banned them for their current life and next several reincarnations.

When they got to nineteen there was a problem that saving Leo from a snake wouldn’t fix.

Donnie hadn’t grown up with Leo then. He was on his own from this point forward and talking about specific memories was too difficult. He clammed up. Stuck as a nineteen year old practically standing at the entrance to their old subway station home. Three brothers and a group of friends utterly confused as to why he was choosing to go work with Bishop full time.

No amount of hearing about Leo’s snake traumas from ages nineteen to twenty four could get Donnie past nineteen. All those present quietly identified the issue with this tactic to re-age Donnie was the period of time at the EPF. The shared plane was dark again. Desaturated as if the world was on the edge of an eclipse. The floor seemed to vibrate with Donnie’s anxiety and Mikey drew closer out of habit. He wasn’t sure if his brothers were seeing the plane the way he did but they could feel Donnie’s unease. The flash sensation of wanting to be a kid again was a distant lightning strike.

“Well, we're now the same height again,” Leo said, trying to make the best of an awkward situation.

They were still holding shoulders like two middle schoolers at an after school dance.

The first year with the EPF had been okay. There were other coworkers. Government captured yokai that Donnie had been uncomfortable with. The majority of them were indoctrinated to believe there was nothing outside the EPF for them and Donnie was ordered to not tell them about yokai places like The Hidden City. Any good memories he had of them were clouded by the testing chambers. An agreement between yokai and humans during their combined efforts during the war was dependent on humans being able to efficiently defend themselves from yokai. Trial and error landed them on gas- There was no way anyone could know what earlier versions of the gas did.

In retrospect he thought that would be the worst thing he would do. Of course testing was rushed. Bishop had deadlines and POTUS breathing down his neck. The gas became rapidly unstable the longer it was stored in environments exceeding eighty degrees. A rush to manufacture a warehouse full right before a boiling summer led to disaster. Donnie’s logo plastered on every canister because Bishop didn’t want yokai to run from the familiar branding that had fueled The Resistance in the years before. In Bishop's words it was important Donnie make a statement about what side he was on.

“When I was nineteen I befriended the custodian at the EPF that cleaned my lab during the night,” Donnie said robotically. “His name was Gerry, with a G not a J, he would listen to cricket matches because obviously there were no sports really going on over here. I would follow them too, for the background noise. We would talk about the various stats. You know how I like stats- and I thought about how the last time I spoke to him I asked him if he could just- let me have his keycard for a moment. I knew my lab was bugged. I knew he couldn’t give me his keycard without losing his life. He swept and mopped my lab and talked over me about Saud Shakeel, he’s from Pakistan- is Pakistan still around? Off topic, apologies, Gerry would talk about the most recent game- I know he wasn’t in a much better situation-”

“Uh, is this a happy memory?” Leo asked, moving from foot to foot and shooting glances at Raph and Mikey.

“There are no snakes,” Donnie said automatically. Same tone carried over as he added, “But I did talk about cricket when I snapped his neck and stole his access key.”

With a painful zap Donnie was suddenly suspended in the air. Leo lurched forward to catch him as he started to fall victim to gravity and her pull. Snatching Donnie by the right ankle with his left hand a second before Donnie’s head would have hit the concept of the floor. Mikey had dove in with his arms out to at least soften the impact that never came.

“Ah ah ah ohmygod and-I-caught-him!” Leo cheered, holding Donnie up above his head like a recently reeled in fish. Donnie had his arms wrapped around his head to protect himself. Left leg lolled forward and straight

“Leo!” Raph cried, “For the love of all that is pizza stop holding him by the ankle!”

Leo let out a nervous laugh. “Oh oops, caught up in the moment,” he chortled, using his right arm to hook around Donnie’s back while rotating him right side up.

Now seated on Leo’s left forearm and holding his right hand and left side plastron lip, Donnie let out his own nervous sigh. “Maybe we don’t- maybe we don’t do this,” he said, trembling against Leo’s chest.

“Yep,” Leo agreed, keeping Donnie secure against him. “Sorry D, guess we should have known there was a chance you’d snap back.”

Donnie squeezed Leo’s hand in pulses while shaking his head. “No. I feel... better,” he decided. Maybe because Leo caught him. Maybe because he told them something and they didn’t pull away. Now Gerry was a thing that happened and they already knew about it. There was anger at Gerry and sadness for Donnie present which filtered through Donnie into relief. An internal tension lifting.

Leo started waving their intertwined hands in rhythm with Donnie’s pulsing. Pulse and they windshield-wiped inwards. Pulse again and they windshield-wiped outwards.

“He’s telling the truth,” Mikey said, reaching up to rest a hand on Donnie’s dangling foot. “I can feel it.”

“But he’s... tiny again,” Raph said, rubbing the back of his head. “Do we start over now with the memories? Can we get some less snake based ones this time?”

An astute observation from Raph, covered by a serving of avoidance as he desperately attempted to softly criticize Donnie’s failure to become twenty-four. They were in completely new territory. Trauma had caused Donnie to revert to seven (by Raph’s guesstimations), and Donnie ever since entering the communication plane after departing the EPF had been the same. Mikey encountered him in this form then and they talked about it, neither having a firm idea of what it could be caused by. 

Age Regression had come up a few times and the term was sandpaper on Donnie’s nerves. As much as he wanted to bat it away he was currently burying his snout into Leo’s left armpit and hugging his bicep. Body twisted around so he could still hold hands. None of this was helping his case. Nor was going to Nebraska and making a zombie apocalypse base better served in a Minecraft Server. There was undeniable regression and seeing what Donnie was actively doing in the real world and how he looked on the shared plane; emotionally he couldn’t be classed as twenty-four. 

And because he was having all these thoughts in a space where emotions were as clear as Raph’s various stinks, all his brothers knew he was upset, embarrassed, and pressure cooking his mind with self hatred.

“We probably still have a little more time here. Sit down with him Leo. Maybe you were onto something with the happy memories, even if the fix wasn’t permanent,” Mikey said, wiser than all of them.

Sitting down involved letting go of Leo’s right hand. Both of them realized this at the same time, but Leo focused on the one very unique aspect of him appearing to be twenty-four years old while Donnie was a mere seven. “Heh, probably the only time my right hand will be the same size as your huh D?” he asked, leaning forward to nuzzle their snouts together.

Donnie got one final glimpse of Leo’s short arm and small hand. Fingers bloated and skin pulled tight like the limb was overfilled. The appearance explained why Leo was keeping his metal arm on.

They settled in a tight circle formed by three sets of knees. Leo had no intention of handing Donnie off to anyone else. Leo’s left arm draped lazily over Donnie, a seat belt keeping him in place. Raph and Mikey took his right and left hands. It was safe and comforting to be so guarded. Able to look up at three faces that looked back at him with fondness.

They talked. (About nothing really.) The kind of conversation that could have taken place after wearing themselves thin skating all night. Licking their scraped knees while watching whatever shaky footage they got of moderately impressive tricks. The important part was Donnie was tucked in the middle of it. Pinned close to Leo. Raph’s hand curled around him. Mikey leaned in from the other side to stroke the top of Donnie’s skull. And because the mystic plane was a place where true intentions were the only thing visible, Donnie only felt love. He practically traveled through time. To their very first arrivals at the airport. Donnie could almost believe they never hated him as much as he believed they did. They always loved him.

They were happy he was here in whatever way he could be.

Chapter Text

“Breathe in.”

Donnie still didn’t know where the hospital wing was in the base. Not that he had the time to investigate.

“Again.”

It was underground but lacked that bunker feel. More like a basement with the smooth cinder block walls. The basement of a building he hadn't spent a lot of time in.

“Again.”

That made the most sense. While there was a small risk of flooding, more pressing was the fact that Nebraska was a part of Tornado Alley. That was before the weather got wonky and became more wild and unpredictable. The basement should be where they keep people and yokai that couldn’t move quickly.

“Last time.”

The current weather tracking system was a computer program Donnie made that monitored several cameras in Lincoln and then only relayed when something was spotted. Like a funnel of debris. It was not an advanced warning system at all. No radar. No national organization of meteorologists. Just camera feeds and temperature readings.

Leo took his stethoscope away from Donnie’s lower left side. “How’s the anxiety?” he asked lightly.

“Still not at an ideal level,” Donnie admitted, sighing and rocking a little on the table. His toes were curled painfully.

They were alone, a little before lunch. The same room his very first exam happened in but lighter circumstances. Donnie was dressed in a simple “wife beater” type shirt. Complete with oil stains and mint blue boxers with little blue fish on them. His overalls hung on a hook on the wall above his steel toed boots. His black bandana was on simply to hold his glasses in place.

Leo pulled out the blood pressure cuff, ripping the velcro seam apart. Donnie wordlessly extended his arm for it to be applied. “Unfortunately we are exhausting just about everything I can do for you that’s non-invasive,” Leo said while inflating the cuff. There was a moment of silence as Leo took his task very seriously. “Okay, you have perfect blood pressure. That’s better than last time.”

“How is the progress on the MRI machine coming?” Donnie asked, rubbing his arm. “Do you and Raph need me to look at anything?”

“I’ll let you know, but don’t dread it.” The blood pressure machine was coiled away and put in a cabinet to continue desensitizing Donnie tomorrow. “An MRI literally doesn’t even touch you. And I just want your head. Okay, fun part. Lay down.”

“Fun part, fun part,” Donnie mumbled under his breath, hoping one day that would be true.

Laying on an exam table was still a trigger. Being dressed in a tank top and boxers blunted some of the memory burn. Looking like some of the men who lined up for physicals at this very base during World War 2. Their historical photos were dotted around in lesser known offices and waiting rooms. 

Leo was cautious but didn’t allow Donnie to dawdle. The second he was correctly on the table Leo was over him, firmly taking his left ankle and supporting his left kneepit. “Here, I’ll commit a sin and pop your hip for you even though it hurts me to do so-”

Before they could start the chiropractor debate again Donnie felt the all too satisfying pop of his hip joint. He let out a small gasp at the brief fleeting moment where all the pressure in his hip bone disappeared. Ecstasy. 

“That sounds so awful. So so so so awful.” Leo’s voice dripped with disgust while lowering Donnie’s leg.

“It’s literally the best feeling in the world,” Donnie said, flexing his toes.

Leo snorted. “The best? Really?”

“The best .”

Distantly Donnie felt ridiculous that having his hip popped put him in a docile state. The fact that he was laying on an exam table was undone by the euphoria of temporary hip pain relief.

“Do I get a rating?” Leo asked, preparing the hardest part of this whole pretend examination.

Donnie swallowed hard and shook his head. “It’s like a credit score, if you ask then it goes down.”

“Okay wow,” Leo said, fully playing along. “I thought I technically got rid of Credit Scores by dooming humanity but good to know you will keep it going forever. And look here I’m touching your thighs and nothing bad is happening. I’m just a twin feeling around. Maybe I take the sharp edge of this tongue suppressor and poke a little. Maybe I come over here and feel your elbow pits. How are we doing?”

The goal of this theater was to get Donnie to the point where he could have a blood draw, vaccine, and IV without needing Mikey to neutralize him. Leo did this by pressing a sharp edge of a tongue suppressor against the inside of his thighs and arms to start introducing a piercing feeling without breaking the skin. It was better for all the flinching and sudden movement to happen in this stage and not when there was a needle in his skin.

Donnie spoke with a weak and shaky voice, “The entire room is gray.”

“Spectacular!” The tongue suppressor landed in the trash bin. “But you’re not sledgehammering me across the gray room so there’s that.”

“I literally spent everything I had rejuvenating Angie yesterday,” Donnie mumbled, trying to regain the feeling in his fingertips and toes.

“Can you let me have one win?” Leo asked, draping himself over Donnie's rising and falling chest. Breaths shallow and racing.

“Apologies.”

Leo hummed and started tippy-tapping his fingers along Donnie’s arms. “We’re done. Daily exposure therapy session over. How are you feeling about this?”

“I have been cooperative since the initial physical.” Blinking hard gave the room some details. “Room still out of focus.”

“Then just lay there until it’s not,” Leo said easily before his voice dropped into a more somber tone. “Cooperating and being comfortable are two different things. I would hate for you to have a serious medical emergency and be more stressed because of unresolved triggers.”

Leo would portal mountains for Donnie. 

That was kind of the issue now after everything with The Key it seemed Leo was eager to win back any approval from his family. Leo’s entire life was centered around being helpful to others. Whether that was living with Raph and Cassandra solely to offload a third of the child-rearing labor, or doing anything April asked of him. It even applied to what Donnie was doing right now. He was sure Leo didn’t actually want to spend thirty minutes to an hour everyday playing doctor so Donnie could heal. 

Medical restraints made Donnie queasy. Even drained of his magic he was still able to leap off the exam table if he wanted to. Donnie Pods weren’t a thing anymore but they had utilized a restraint method to capture the user and box them up. Donnie had taken inspiration from the way search and rescue would bundle up an injured person before airlifting them to safety. Ironically he was sure that a Donnie Pod, his own invention, would now send him into a hysterical panic.

There was a small scale version of this that Leo could help him with. It may enable Donnie to look into desensitizing himself to restraints privately.

“It’s not exactly invasive,” Donnie prefaced. “But...I was often given oxygen during-”

Donnie stopped but Leo also took the half formed idea and ran with it. “So a mask?” he asked, perking up. “Alright that will need to be custom made-”

“No it was two tubes sealed into my nostrils and a muzzle, to keep-” Donnie shrugged, not because, well he didn’t know why he stopped speaking, maybe because there was no way to say it. 

He could feel himself losing his grip. It was a good thing Mikey was exhausted from yesterday’s session; it meant no communication plane therapy for a few days. If they did it today Donnie feared he’d be an unhatched egg in there. Anything seemed possible especially after Raph dared Leo to try and reach Splinter's age.

“Not sure you know this about me but... I bite.”

Leo, who had been patient while Donnie collected his words, let out a single sharp laugh. “You bite? Oh my god? I never could have guessed!”

Donnie snorted, it sounded terrible because he wasn’t crying but his eyes burned and his nasal cavity was flooded with that pre-cry snot load.

“You bite any fingers off?” Leo asked eagerly. There was no one around to scold him.

“Yes.”

Leo cackled happily, then without warning grabbed Donnie’s jaw and turned his head to face him. “Good,” Leo was smirking, he had an evil gleam in his eyes. “Bet they were a bitch to reattach.”

Donnie shook his head.

“No seriously,” Leo began, “Having a finger bit off-”

Donnie shook his head harder, dislodging his jaw from Leo’s hold. “I don’t just bite, I swallow.”

“You swallow?” Leo sputtered. “In general or just fingers?”

“Just fingers,” Donnie said, confused. “Why are you laughing?”

Leo shook his head and dragged his fingers down his face in an attempt to smooth out his facial expression. “I have a dirty mind is all.”

Ah. “Is swallowing something sexual then?” Donnie asked, curious.

“Yes. Just-” Leo groaned behind his hand. “Fuck what were we doing just now?”

“Discussing trauma informed care so in the event of a medical emergency I am not fighting off life saving assistance,” Donnie reported.

“Trauma Informed Care,” Leo repeated like reading a book title. “Wow. Fancy term... that I shouldn't make fun of because that's exactly what I'll be doing for you from now until forever.”

“Do you want to call it something else?” Donnie asked, happy to make Leo think the following was his own idea. “Trauma Informed Care and Exposure Therapy is a mouthful.”

Leo dismissed it, coming back to Donnie’s side to tap along his jaw. “You name everything you make with like five words. What’s the real issue? Do you not like the terms?”

Caught. He was caught. Stomach dropping as soon as the words were out of Leo’s mouth.

“You good?” Leo asked. “You went a little pale.”

“The EPF referred to a lot of what they did as... therapy,” Donnie said, not easily. “They said it was helping me.”

“Ah. Shit.” Leo moved from tapping to running his hands up and down Donnie’s neck. Almost like he could massage away any bad memories before they reached his brain. “I’m just playing doctor. We can just..., call it a play date?”

Donnie was pretty sure their appointments on the communication plane were play dates. Seeing as Leo and Donnie were kids there. Or at least Donnie always was and Leo sometimes was. “How about... Medical Play?”

Leo bit his bottom lip and quickly shook his head. “Uhm, no. No actually. No. Nope,” he said, drumming on Donnie’s chest.

“That wouldn’t work? This is medical, but we’re just playing around?” Donnie asked.

“Just trust me that... that means something else,” Leo said, not looking at Donnie.

“What does it mean?”

“You, just have to trust me. Like the swallowing thing,” Leo said.

The fact that Leo wasn’t laughing made Donnie nervous. “Is it something bad?” Didn’t matter what Leo answered, Donnie would never say that phrase again.

“That’s a complicated question,” Leo said. “Like, remember FUPA?”

“Forming unpopular plans again?” Donnie recited hesitantly. Though Raph always lost his footing when Donnie yelled that phrase at him after he presented a bad plan. 

“Yes,” Leo said, tapping along Donnie’s jaw and neck again. “And how that’s what that acronym means, and you must never look it up on Google-”

“Google is gone, Nardo.”

“Yes, and you’re welcome by the way, pretty sure they were turning evil- but, that other thing you said, it’s in the same category as... FUPA. You know? Some things are best not explained, or Googled, you just trust your good twin Leo,” Leo, The Good Twin, said. “Remember how you fell for Lemon Party? And Blue Waffle?”

Donnie shivered. “Unfortunate that the lobotomies didn’t scrape that one.”

Leo choked and coughed, turning in time to not spray spit all over Donnie. “Do not make those jokes please- Now I’m an asshole for laughing!” Leo laughed.

Donnie shrugged. “Well alright. How about... Medical Roleplay?”

“That’s worse!” Leo laughed. “That’s so so so much worse.”

“How?” Donnie asked, propping himself up on his elbows. “Am I not pretending to be a patient and roleplaying a physical?”

“Yes, but that term is not-” Leo came up for air after leaning over to cough. “The term is not accurate. You hate inaccuracies so we shan't use the term.”

Donnie squinted and moved to sit on the table now that his previous anxieties were replaced by confusion. He honestly wished he had Google. “Sounds accurate to me. Unless you mean IVs and physicals might be more of a nurse's job? Nurse Roleplay?”

Leo turned around and breathed harshly through the hands clamped down over his mouth. “Oh my god what is happening right now-” he cut off his own quivering wail and pointed at Donnie. “Exposure Exercises. Exposure Exercises. Exposure. Exercises. Okay? That’s what I have said and that’s what we’ll call it.”

“Oh. That works too,” Donnie guessed, looking down at his calloused feet.

“We will engage in Exposure Exercises , where I pretend to be a doctor, performing agreed upon and talked about examinations,” Leo said, firmly holding Donnie’s shoulders and forcing eye contact. “And you and I will forever and always refer to this as Exposure Exercises. Correct?”

Donnie nodded and Leo released him to get dressed.

“You’re taking years off my life, D,” Leo mumbled while Donnie laced up his boots.

It was probably a sex thing. Though Lemon Party and Blue Waffle seemed more like shock things. As a peruser of message boards trying to learn things about programming and hacking that the government didn’t want anyone knowing; Donnie had come across his fair share of mishaps. Viruses on his virtual machines that would pop up videos of very graphic content. Most of it involving animals. Reaching out to his father or Raph resulted in his access to computers being stripped so Donnie learned to handle those mishaps quietly and without speaking about them. He was familiar with it enough that when years later a thirteen year old Mikey would fail to pirate Adobe Photoshop he could offer assurances. Mikey had then scheduled a sit down with Dr. Feelings to tell Donnie it was wrong and damaging that he held in all those traumatic experiences, even if his reasoning made sense.

At the time Donnie felt the true victims were the animals from those gory videos, but he said the right combination of words to make Mikey feel better about it after the fact. Donnie was good at that.

Leo knew a lot about sex. There wasn’t a joke, reference, or fetish he didn’t know about. Given that Leo started engaging in sexual hookups at age fourteen it made sense. Given Donnie’s involvement in facilitating that... He understood what Mikey felt back then in regards to the cruel videos. That someone should have intervened and talked to Donnie about what he was being forced to look at. That it was wrong that he didn’t have someone in his life to talk to that didn’t default to blaming him for it. 

Then there was Leo and his uncomfortable knowledge about sex. Why hadn’t Donnie been more disturbed that a fourteen year old boy was adamant he had a rape kink? Why did he believe Leo when he described it as normal? Because sex was uncomfortable for Donnie to think about? The same way Splinter spoke over Donnie when he started blabbering about the hamster and the firecrackers. Yelling at Donnie and telling him he was wrong to have those videos in his possession when he wouldn’t even hear that they weren’t his at all. That was Donnie, cringing as he read over Leo’s text logs with literal pedophiles. Grossed out but unwilling to let Leo engage in those hook ups without a safety net.

“Anything you want to share?” Leo asked, forming a portal to the living area of the bunker.

His mouth was so dry it was giving his tongue a weird fuzzy texture as he pressed along the back of his teeth. Laces still loose in his hands he took them and finished the bow before pulling the leg of his overall down into place.

“Come on, lunch time,” Leo said, arm open for Donnie to slot under.

“What is this?” Cassandra asked, (though her tone was a bit harsh.)

Understandable as Donnie had fumble meeting his nephew for the very first time and that was still a fresh wound from her perspective. This was an attempt to clear the air between them, so she should be more open-minded. “It is an apology for implying your child was a result of poor family planning. Apologies.” Donnie gave a little wrist movement to his words.

“That does not explain the giant hamster wheel,” Cassandra said, pointing at his gift which was not a hamster wheel.

Leo and Raph mumbled something unhelpful from the sidelines as Donnie tsked. “It’s an early development exercise wheel.” He held his tongue about asking her if she had ever seen a hamster. The wheel was far too large and heavy for a two-hundred gram frequently abused first pet. No, Donnie had taken inspiration from a fad that was just born in the 2020s: Cat wheels.

The potential was limitless. The genius who thought further than rodents had stumbled into a treasure trove of an untapped market. Quickly Donnie wondered what couldn't be put on a wheel. Casey Jones Junior was a perfect candidate for the world's first human focused exercise wheel. The added benefit being that the soft lining would make it hard for the child to hurt himself, something everyone seemed very worried about based on the “improvements” made to sharp furniture. Not to mention there were inconvenient gates all over the place that Donnie had to high-step over.

Ridiculous. Contain the problem: Do not enable it.

“It is enclosed!” Cassandra observed loudly and correctly.

Donnie hummed, right on cue Casey Jones Junior stumble-walked over to the wheel while attempting to shove the head of a brick red plastic brontosaurus up his nose. “So he does not escape.”

“Oh boy,” Raph grumbled near the back of the room.

“So he does not- What is that?” Cassandra demanded, finding features before giving Donnie the chance to show her around. “What is this little peg?”

The wheel was about six feet tall. The back wall was veneered plywood and about level with the center of the wheel but more forward was the “little peg" as Cassandra had identified. 

“Ah, I figured if he needs prompting to start moving you can jab a piece of food there. Motivation to keep exercising, but always juuuuust out of reach-”

“Donatello, you did not make a giant exercise wheel for my one year old son!”

It was always a nice feeling when his gifts exceeded the recipients expectations. “It is lined with the softest carpet. Also I clearly made it. We are both looking at it and you haven’t said thank you once.”

“You want my one year old child to crawl on a hamster wheel?” Cassandra asked, shooting glares across the room at Raph. “That he can't get out of.”

Donnie shook his head. “It’s an Early Development Exercise Wheel, EDEW, that can be made larger when he grows. I understand that he can walk? How far and what speed? When will he unlock an inventory function? I have things that need moving and would like to keep my project timelines on track. Can he use a ladder?”

“The size is not the issue,” Cassandra said, stopping Casey Jones Junior from getting on the wheel. Perhaps he had already exercised today and she didn't want him to become a gym shark like his father.

“It generates a small amount of electricity, which I have attached to a convenient battery charger for various rechargeable batteries from triple A to double A,” Donnie said, squatting down to show her the box at the base.

“You’re not using my child to charge batteries,” Cassandra said.

Donnie pursed his lips. “So he gets to stumble around for free?”

“ARGH! RAPHAEL!”

“I know! It’s Donnie,” Raph rushed over hastily while rubbing the back of his head. “We honestly should be happy he didn’t offer to make the kid legs until he learns to walk better- Or make him a weird backpack with arms-”

“Oh. Actually-” Donnie started, his memory jogged.

Unfortunately Leo had grabbed the front of his overalls and began tugging him away. “Yeah, no, c’mere-”

“Yes, thank you Leo,” Raph said, sighing.

Donnie put up a small fight. “You were the one who said I should make amends,” he told Leo, holding his wrist as he was dragged away. “Now you escort me out like those security guards at that flat earth convention in 2015? I aim to educate people with the wrong ideas about how wrong they are and here I am labelled a monster-”

“Make amends not-” Leo pulled them out into the hall, “-not build a baby hamster wheel.”

“Optimized Toddler Exercise Wheel 9000.”

Leo glared. “Donnie, you’re literally just trying to find a name that justifies what you’ve made-”

“Child Containment Cylinder Segment 9000-”

“Are you done?” Leo cut in dryly.

Donnie pouted and let his shoulders slump. “Yes,” he mumbled.

“Good, you scare me sometimes.”

“Only sometimes?” Donnie asked, snapping his head up.

Leo seemed to develop a frog in his throat and never answered the question.

Donnie was just settling into his bed when the door to his quarters opened. This was not unusual as Donnie’s suicide prevention leash now had enough slack for him to be alone as long as his brothers knew where he was.

“D?” Leo called out into the pitch black room, keeping the door open for some light.

“Over here,” Donnie said, making no move to get out of bed. He was perfectly comfortable on his shell with a pillow folded in half and under his knees. Now that his thighs weren’t under repeated daily strikings the healing process left them sore and itchy. Laying on his back was the only way he could sleep.

“Oh. We’re in bed at a reasonable hour, look at us. So responsible.” Leo closed the door and impressively navigated the pitch black room to Donnie’s bedside. In the darkness Donnie looked towards an approaching Leo wondering if he’d run his shins into the edge of his suspended platform bed, again. He did not. “Lemme just-,”

While it was expected that Leo was probably not coming over to Donnie’s bedside just to say goodnight and leave, his heart still lurched as Leo stripped his clothes with the intention of getting in bed with him. Even during the worst of his recent mental health crisis the only one sharing a bed with Donnie at night was Mikey. Tonight Mikey was binge watching a movie series with April and Sunita. Donnie had only stuck around for the first one before the day started to weigh him down.

“I don't want to talk about Bishop,” Donnie said preemptively. Hoping to push that subject down for as long as he could.

Leo hummed and Donnie admittedly was all too happy to accept the help scooting his pillow set up to the right so Leo could join him on his bed. One might say a hard limit on a conversation would follow a stand off where Donnie wouldn’t move until Leo confirmed his request. The stupid part was Donnie and Leo both knew it was a bluff; Donnie craved sharing a bed with Leo more than anyone.

And Leo knew this, but he did not take advantage of it. “That's not why I'm here.”

“Yes it is. It's ten at night. You just stripped down to boxers.” Donnie couldn’t confirm that in the dark and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to feel if Leo was or was not wearing boxers while wearing pajama pants himself. “This has all the elements of a heart to heart which is why I am calling in an airstrike.”

Leo sprawled out like a dead starfish. Small right arm draped over Donnie’s neck, their ankles overlapping. Leo’s left leg was on the floor swaying the platform back and forth. “I'm here to try out your bed, and the boxers might come off-”

“Please keep your boxers on.”

“-Oh my god,” Leo stretched both his arms above his head giving Donnie a whiff of his body odor and a flood of feelings.

Over the years Donnie learned what was appropriate to comment on and what wasn't. Not always connecting why that was the case, but knowing enough that he could predict how others would react to something he thought about saying it for them to hear. As more people were back in his life he hypothesized that this also meant they took greater offence when he did not correctly guess when something was wrong to mention out loud. Such as the forever burning moment where he asked Cass if having a baby was smart. 

While dealing with that uncomfortable memory and nestled in body warmed blankets; Donnie purposefully did not mention the nice smell of Leo's armpits. It wasn't an idyllic scent of a fresh wave crashing into a white beach. There was sweat, soap, scale oils. The smell was that of Leo's bedroom when they were kids with his constantly overflowing laundry hamper. Or a sweaty and unwanted hug after a humiliating game of baskeigh ball. Donnie didn't want an air freshener made out of it; but he did tilt his head towards Leo in a way that invited that smell closer. That way even in the silence, even with his eyes closed, he was there next to Leo. His lungs filled with that rich scent.

“So I'm bunking with you from now on,” Leo yawned, bringing his right arm back down to land on Donnie’s throat. “Why have I never tried out your bed?”

“Do I get a say?” Donnie asked, growing amused as Leo began lightly smacking the underside of his chin.

“Either make me this exact bed or I sleep here every night.” Whether Leo was being serious or not he didn’t leave time for a response. “This is why Mikey always took the night shift, isn't it? Sneaky little turd.”

Labor analysis stacked up next to his sleep health. On one hand having Leo in his bed was nice. On the other Leo was swinging the bed (minus one point), talking (minus another point), and took up way more space than Mikey (minus a third and final point). “I will gladly build you a bed if it means never repeating this,” Donnie said, a little harsh.

Leo continued his happy tapping. “Oof someone is in a mood,” he said without pausing. “No but seriously I love Cass and Raph and I'm definitely diaper changer number three- but they need privacy. They're a couple and we've been on the road since before Junior's birth. Also they’re potty training Casey now so my job security is literally going down the toilet. I’ll be on the street soon Donnie. You have to help a brother out. I'm about to be unemployed! Let me sleep on your couch please!”

With a dramatic flare Leo rolled over to fall on top of Donnie’s chest, clawing at his plastron as he begged.

“I can help you make a bed like this and wall off that upper balcony if it would please you,” Donnie grunted, pushing Leo off him half-heartedly.

“You would do it to please me, hm?” Leo asked, giving Donnie a shove back before getting out of the bed.

“Yes. That's what I said.”

Leo turned the desk lamp on then spun the switch so it was on the dimmest setting. “Mmm, I’ll be like a weird live-in uncle. Like, uh, Joey from Full House.”

“When did you ever watch Full House?” Donnie asked. In the blurry dim light he saw Leo was wearing boxers.

“What's that over there?” Leo asked.

“Mikey's bed.”

Sharing a bed was great but it wasn’t always convenient to their schedules. Take tonight for example. As everyone decided where they were living in the bunker and with whom it just made sense that Donnie and Mikey would share. They were both asexual which made it unlikely either of them would want to move a partner in. Then there was the fact that Donnie was magically restoring Mikey to his actual age. A process that deserved privacy and for Mikey to retire to a warm ceiling corner cocoon made possible to get in and out of by a ladder on the wall.

“You let Mikey in here but not me?” Leo asked, as if he had ever been denied entry into Donnie’s quarters.

Donnie laid back down and huffed. “I like Mikey more than you,” he said, playing with his fingernails under the covers.

“Lies,” Leo sang. “His bed looks like a cobweb and he chose it over this super comfy bed- How can you like him more, he clearly takes after Big Mama.”

“If anyone takes after Big Mama it is you,” Donnie said, with a little jerk of his head.

Leo clutched his chest. “Offended gasp,” he said, while gasping.

“Apathetic silence,” Donnie said, apathetically. “It makes more sense for Mikey to sleep in here if I am slowly trying to restore him to his actual age.”

Leo, or the green fuzzy blur being annoying and Leo-like batted a dismissive arm towards the bed before departing to the bathroom. At only twenty-four Donnie should have been able to stay awake until Leo came back. Instead he awoke to a pitch black room and Leo silently sliding under the covers. The bulb on his desk still had the afterglow.

“Leo,” Donnie said, shifting his tail.

Leo hummed innocently.

“You took your boxers off didn’t you?”

“Can’t hear you,” Leo said, deciding to throw his right leg around Donnie’s middle and pressing in close. “I am asleep.”

“Would you please allow me to see your actual arm before I finish the internal controller?”

The space they were sharing grew awkward. Leo finally pinned by a request that he couldn't worm away from. Leo's new arm was complete and in proportion to his left arm but Donnie didn't want to make a controller that Leo couldn't use. Raph had already told him that they made some modifications to his current arm because of Leo's joint issues.

Leo looked anywhere but Donnie. “I have been putting it off for a reason,” he said, undoing the support strap around his shell.

“What reason would that be?” Donnie asked, not wanting to reveal why he hadn't gone along with making the controller the same way he usually would. Simply for a smaller hand. “I have made all your arms, I am aware of what your right arm looks like.”

“Just look. The last five years have not been kind to me.”

“Ah.”

The last five years had done some questionable things to the stunted limb. Leo fidgeted under Donnie’s scanning eyes.

“I did see a bit of it in the communal plane,” he admitted, stepping closer while Leo eyed the door to the hangar, worried someone might come in.

“Ever wonder what happens when you keep growing and your arm is like this?” Leo chuckled darkly, rotating the limb.

Leo had always maintained a positive attitude about his birth defect, but even Donnie knew a tiny but correctly formed arm was much different than the lumpy misshapen one it had evolved into. Giving a cankle effect on the wrist. The whole limb looked painfully swollen making Donnie wonder about compression wraps. 

“Does it hurt?” Donnie asked.

Hypothetically a small camera could be placed inside the arm to read small hand movements without contact. There would likely be a delay.

Leo unsurprisingly avoided the question. “It’s not pleasant and the mobility has taken a sharp hit,” he admitted.

“If you can still twitch your fingers I can work with that,” Donnie said, taking hold of Leo's arm and lowering his goggles to take a digital scan. He'd want to take measurements with a tape measure too. “Are you okay?” he asked, noticing Leo had gone extremely still as Donnie spread his fingers and pressed his thumb into his palm.

“Yeah, D, I’m peachy,” Leo said with a dry throat.

Donnie took his response for what it was and continued to examine Leo's coveted arm. Half scared the chance would never arise again given how embarrassed Leo was of it.

“I talked to Barry about... I’m not sure I should say it...”

“The lobotomy?” Donnie asked neutrally.

He was trying to keep himself grounded and used Leo’s arm as a way to stay present. Saying the word was supposed to take away its power but now Donnie felt like he was ballroom spinning with Leo around the hangar.

Leo nodded, looking at Donnie seriously. “The MRI shows what I think is the area they messed with. A few areas actually-”

“I don’t want to see,” Donnie reiterated, maintaining the same opinion as he had during the scan. They could see, they could know, but Donnie didn’t want to see the brain damage with his own eyes. Not when he already had phantom feelings in his skull. “But what are your thoughts?” he asked cautiously, maintaining eye contact with only Leo’s red purple fingernail beds.

“You’re healing. I think you will continue to heal,” Leo added. “I think it would be too optimistic to say you’ll ever be at a place where it was like it never happened, but Barry said our nervous system regenerates. Our teeth regrow. We have enhancements. One of the ways he altered our creation was by modifying things he saw as weaknesses. I always wondered why we were so resistant to adverse side effects from concussions. I believe our brains are very durable.”

“Okay... that's good...” Donnie said, filing the information away.

Two-ish years ago he had been worse. He knew that because he hallucinated Sheldon which meant he was actually just rambling to himself non-stop. There were lapses in memory. Delusions. Sparks of paranoia. Lobotomies were supposed to temper a patient. Make a raging independent woman supple and soft spoken in the 1950’s. For Donnie he had spent a year as a drooling pliant zombie, his anger completely poked out of him by surgical instruments until it suddenly wasn’t any longer.

His brain was working better now but certain thoughts about what happened to him set him off. Donnie could feel the uneven ground beneath his feet and the familiar tug of wanting to hit himself. It seemed counterintuitive to strike his own body for something someone else did but the pain was more grounding than anything else.

“Donnie, hey-” Leo reached to ease Donnie’s tight grip on his small arm.

“Do you think I have changed?” he asked, loosening his grip on Leo’s arm and starting to massage the limb again. Something to do with his hands and the skin was starting to feel less stretched.

“Yes,” Leo shuddered, left hand falling away. “But then a little of that old you comes out and makes a hamster wheel for a baby. So there’s that.”

With a nod Donnie released Leo’s arm and started rubbing his own hands anxiously together before they wrestled behind the front bib of his overalls. Introspection on his old self versus the thing he was now made him physically anxious. Not that he was a child, but he was incapable of being unsupervised because of his self-destructive tantrums. He zoned out often, he knew his personality was more closed off. He had always been described as a bit of a theater kid. Now he was a zoo exhibit in a padded room. Mumbling to himself and receding into walls to tinker with inventions and base expansions.

“If you won’t freak out about it I would like to clean your teeth... but I think I want a metal hand before I do that, after the finger story.” 

“I had a full dental workup done... four years ago,” Donnie said, outside himself.

Leo took it as a rebuttal. “Well then you’re overdue. And, not prying, just putting a statement out there it would be me, your handsome amazing twin cleaning your teeth. Not some government doctor.” He poked at Donnie’s head.

“I know.” Another thought flew from his head out of his mouth. “You could use a dental prop.”

“You think you would actually bite me?” Leo asked, half hurt but smiling.

He should be more hurt because Donnie honestly didn’t know. Most of his anger and tantrums were self-destructive. Only for the fact that Donnie intended to hurt only himself and was very good at such a task. A jaw full of sharp teeth was another matter. Especially when clamping down and biting were instinctive.

“No, but it would soften another memory for me if you were the one working on my teeth while I physically cannot close my mouth,” Donnie said. “Another Exposure Exercise.”

Leo brightened at the idea. “Uh, yeah, I’m surprised you would be down for that but of course. Anything to take the sharp edges off some of those memories, right?”

Donnie looked away, not sure what to do with Leo’s unstoppable determination to help him even if it was something uncomfortable. A gift Donnie couldn’t accept because he didn’t deserve it and Leo was mistaken giving this to him. The hangar was silent and awkward and begging for a topic change before Leo tried to discuss emotions or why a dental prop was such a big deal. This was used floss hanging out of a trashcan and taunting the bored house cat that was his twin, primed and ready to fuck up his intestines if no one stopped him.

“Donnie!”

Oh thank the stars in the dying sky.

“Oh thank you Pizza Supreme,” Leo muttered.

Donnie quickly answered his radio, “Yes Sunita? Over.”

No one else used proper radio etiquette.

“Is Leo with you?”

“Yes. Over.” Donnie looked at Leo who shrugged. Sunita sounded happy so this couldn’t be anything bad now could it?

There was a gleeful squeal on Sunita’s end and April’s voice screeching that she can not explode right then. “Bring both your butts to the kitchen, we’re taking a family photo!”

That seemed to be the end of the communication but Leo raised an eyeridge and glued himself to Donnie’s shoulder as he retrieved his tablet from his front pocket and brought up the camera feed for the kitchen. Both of them shrugging when just as Sunita had described there was some sort of family photo being organized. Cassandra, Raphael, and their one year old child were having their photo taken.

“Sunita and April did find a bunch of film developing equipment awhile back,” Donnie said. “They have been documenting the war, April is hopeful after we win this she can make a documentary.”

Leo said nothing, he only stepped back and made a portal. On screen in the kitchen the camera caught the edge of a blue portal. Donnie stepped through with Leo following. The volume in the kitchen was loud and immediately grating. Donnie stepped back to the outskirts of the kitchen feeling himself shutting down while Leo bounded out into the middle of the chaos with a strong smile and a witty comment towards Raph.

“This is ridiculous,” Baron Draxum muttered as Muninn attempted to braid his hair while Huginn held up a book on braiding for him to follow.

“You’re doing it wrong!”

“I’m doing exactly what the little girl is doing in the pictures!”

“You’re part of the family, Barry!” Mikey gushed, levitating the book out of Huginn’s hands and using it to fan the gargoyles away. With ease Mikey levitated the strands of Baron’s braid, undid the original very awful braid, then expertly made Baron Draxum a braided crown. Even sneaking some clovers from the grass outside in the locks before dashing off to grab Leo’s wrist. “Come on Leo, help me stage people. We got Donnie, Raph, and Barry as our giants.”

Stupefied, Barry started prodding his hairdo cautiously but then was dragged into the crowd by Sunita. Donnie, feeling as though he was in the line up of people getting picked for dodgeball teams, tried to not be seven foot four and shrink so much he might be forgotten.

“Well whatever we do with Raph he has got to be sitting down-” Leo started.

“I WILL STAND ON HIS THIGH WITH JUNIOR!” Cassandra announced, holding her baby like Simba above her head.

Mikey now had Baron Draxum’s other hand and completely ignored how the warrior alchemist was trying and failing to get out of his and Sunita’s grasp. “Perfect! Oh can I take the other thigh! Mrs. O’Neil, join me?”

Cindy rightfully looked at Raph’s lap and then the floor. “That is very high.”

“I won't let you fall,” Raph said, voice deep as boulders rolling down a hill. He offered his hand as a step up for Cindy.

Mike dragged Baron to stand in front of Raph’s left knee.

Leo, (now fighting with Sunita to look through the viewfinder of the camera,) stood up straight and puffed out his chest. “Perfectly balanced! Like Thanos or something. Let’s see, where to place the lesbians...” he said, staring at Sunita and April while holding his chin.

“Excuse you? Also I'm bi?” April snapped.

Mayhem, who was the size of a pony ran past April, Sunita, and Leo. Almost knocking the group off their feet. Huginn and Muninn were holding the Mystic Saber Wolf’s tail and screaming about whatever they were doing being a terrible idea in hindsight. Curse words were thrown at them, Donnie picked up a frying pan from the kitchen and held it in front of himself so he might not be noticed in the chaos.

“Well excuse me for the bi-erasure,” Leo scoffed.

In the back of the room Mayhem, Huginn, and Muninn were now floating in a timeout from Mikey. 

“We still shouldn’t have too much homosexuality in one spot; we might make a black hole.” Unfortunately the sound of Leo’s voice strongly indicated that he was looking to put more people in front of the camera and was searching the room by swiveling his head. The integrity of Donnie’s frying pan hiding spot would soon be-

“Donnie!” April scolded, taking his frying pan and placing it on the counter before dragging him towards Raph.

“Ah there he is!” Leo said, “Put him in front of Raph’s right knee and then you two in front of him.”

Donnie was numbly dragged into position by April and Sunita who forcefully wrapped each of his arms around their shoulders. Fiercely holding his hands and wrist to their sternums so there was no hope of escape.

Leo gazed upon this clear hostage situation and gushed, “Oh my god that’s adorable!”

“Huginn and Muninn have learned their lesson boss!” Mikey called.

“Good, put them on Barry’s shoulders,” Leo ordered.

“I don’t want those buffoons on my shoulder.”

“I wanted to be on the left shoulder!”

“It’s my turn to be on the left shoulder so shut up!”

“You will go on the shoulder I put you on or I will place you in the office of Dr. Delicate Touch!”

Ignoring the cat fight, Sunita bounced from her heels to her toes. “Where will you be, Leo?”

“Oh Mayhem not the face!” Raph cried.

Donnie turned his head enough to see Mayhem had teleported onto Raph’s shoulder and was now biting the side of his head. Tongue lashing out and wriggling all over Raph’s puckered lips. With an assertive tug from Sunita and April he was reminded to look forward.

“Worry not,” Leo said with a homosexual bat of his hand. “Okay timer is going-”

Always one to steal the show, Leo posed in a, “Draw me like one of your French girls,” position between Raph’s feet.

Sunita made them take the picture again.

“I got an MRI today.”

Donnie tilted himself so he could look up at Mikey. “Why? Is there something wrong?” he asked, his high nervous seven year old voice echoing around the empty plane.

“You had a full MRI too,” Mikey pointed out kindly.

“Yes, and there is something wrong with me,” Donnie countered, wringing his hands nervously.

Getting a full body MRI was a surprise. Leo had emphasized the MRI was just for Donnie’s head all the way until the day of. Donnie didn’t argue or care, but there must have been a reason for the pivot.

Mikey hummed. “Well. I'm okay. Just older than I should be.”

Donnie felt secure in that statement. The type of spell that allowed them to be here wouldn't allow Mikey to lie to Donnie. From a medical standpoint getting an MRI of Mikey would show any internal age factors like bone density. Donnie felt the floor shaking. Here the topic of Mikey being older, frailer, closer to death made Donnie scared. He scrambled to wrap his arms around Mikey's middle and bury his face into his brother's robes.

“Raph wants us to train again,” Mikey explained, pulling his cape around to cover Donnie. Mikey could give himself clothes here, Donnie was still too stunted to do that or even form an environment past a black lonely expanse. He gladly took the protection of Mikey's cape. “Now that we're all together we should work on fighting as a team. However we have our own individual problems now. Raph and Leo have one arm. I'm aging fast. You have your brain injury and hip issues. Leo wants you to put on some more weight as you are very lean.”

Donnie nodded, still rocking with the idea that Mikey wasn't okay. That Donnie didn't have enough magic to reverse his aging fast enough. That one day Mikey might be old and frail and there would be nothing that Donnie could do.

“D.”

“I'll gain weight,” Donnie sniffled. More a statement than a promise when he had mandatory attendance for three daily meals and someone else dishing up his portions.

“Leo teases that you look great for all the hell you've been through. He says you look like a triathlon runner,” Mikey teased, trying to ease Donnie away from negative thoughts.

“I haven't been going on my runs lately,” Donnie mumbled. His routine had become what other people made it. Which was unfair to say that they weren't allowing him to do what he wanted, he simply didn't think it mattered what he wanted to do. Did anything matter right now?

“If running helps you mentally clear your head I'm sure we can find a way to supervise you while you run,” Mikey whispered.

Maybe out in the real physical world Donnie wouldn't have picked up on Mikey's forced calm. Right now the air hummed with it.

Donnie tried to be brave, “There's something else, isn't there?”

“There is and I don't want to scare you, but it is kind of scary information,” Mikey prefaced, moving Donnie to sit on his thigh. “Leo also had an MRI because he has been out of breath recently and-”

Cancer was the first word in Donnie’s head but he didn’t dare speak it. Lung cancer came as the next evolution of that fear. Donnie felt cold to his bones that in the middle of all his medical and mental issues and self-worth about being allowed a morning run that Leo might have something deadly lurking behind his ribs. So of course his question spilled out of his mouth with zero emotion, “What did it show?” His brain already going distant and numb. He started to lose feeling in his hands. The texture of Mikey's cape fizzled away.

“Not cancer,” Mikey said quickly, rubbing Donnie's shell through his soft umber orange cape. “No no. It's not getting worse, it just is. Leo doesn't have asthma, his right lung is affected by his birth defect. It's about the size it should be if he was fourteen. And when Leo was fifteen and I was fourteen I started lapping him while running, remember?”

“Exercise induced asthma,” Donnie recited. He did the reading right alongside with Leo when they were fifteen. They even had April do a tele-health visit with a doctor describing Leo's symptoms as her own. “What about the inhaler?”

“Placebo effect.”

“But he always said it helped,” Donnie said, internally panicking. He had retrieved Leo’s inhaler for him on many occasions. It was important when Leo exerted too much energy that his wheezing breath could be sorted with that little plastic device they pilfered from pharmacies. Then Donnie used the mechanism for expressing the canister as an excuse to get a 3D Printer. 

“I know, and trust me I asked the same thing,” Mikey said. “But imagine being Leo. It's getting harder and harder to catch your breath as you get older. You really want the inhaler to be the answer, so you make it so.”

That aligned with Leo who always searched for the right answer to everyone else's health issues and the fast low maintenance solution for himself. Which was how he got walking pneumonia that one time. 

“Are there any other organs that aren't the right size?” Donnie asked, eyes distantly searching the black expanse.

“Just his lung. He said it was like how his arm length became uneven. Arm stopped growing as fast. That's what happened to his lung. It just stopped at fourteen. He didn’t have any reason to suspect it was because of his birth defect.”

The shorter arm was always so innocent in Donnie's mind. Raph and Mikey went through a stage of not wanting to interact with Leo's right arm once they noticed it was a few inches shorter. Donnie had been more insensitive and grabbed Leo's wrists indiscriminately. Reefing on his short right arm to drag him along somewhere if that was the closest arm. When it became clear Leo's right arm was different, not injured, then everyone got more used to it. Then they kind of went backwards when Leo started using a prosthetic. Like his right arm could only be touched if it was the metal one Donnie made him and he had it equipped.

Not Donnie though. Donnie never had the patience for that and if Leo didn't want his right arm grabbed he should have learned to keep his left arm more accessible. 

“I don't think tugging his right arm as a kid made his lung small D.”

Ignoring that, Donnie worked his tongue around his next question. “What... What are the side effects? Aside from being out of breath?”

Oxygen machines take regular air and filter out the oxygen... somehow. They were used in hospitals and nursing homes. There had to be a way to make a portable one. Maybe Leo could benefit from some more oxygen that wouldn't involve carrying large canisters around.

“Smoke is really bad for him,” Mikey said. “He said he has had a decade to slowly adjust to his diminished lung capacity. He does get winded much faster than he used to. Catching his breath takes longer. With portals does any of that matter? He argues it does not. If you want some good news; Draxum doesn’t think we’ll grow much past twenty five. If this is the normal Leo has to adjust to then it’s not impossible.”

“Easy was never in Leo's vocabulary anyway,” Donnie released the breath he was holding in a space where breathing was completely optional.

“No, nothing is easy with Leo,” Mikey agreed.

The more Donnie thought about those words the more worried he got. His mind getting ahead of him.

“What's up D?” Mikey asked, bouncing his leg to get Donnie’s attention.

Disgruntled by the jostling; Donnie's next words were curt and frustrated. “Leo hides things.”

“He does.”

“So you might not be able to answer this, but… this won't kill him will it?” Donnie asked, wishing he didn't sound like a child asking when the family's elderly dog would be coming back from that farm outside the city. “Has his life expectancy been cut in half?”

“I asked him,” Mikey said carefully.

“He didn't answer,” Donnie realized outloud. Feeling even worse.

Mikey made a noise. “He told me a lot of things that weren't answers... You know how he is. It's also possible he doesn't know, or doesn't want to know.”

They had been down this road before. Walked the sidewalk at least before realizing it was a dangerous line of thinking. They were all different species of turtles. Information on their lifespans was based on whether or not they were pets or wild animals. In the wild the numbers were bleak for Mikey and Leo. Mid-thirties and thirty respectively. Donnie lucked out that his base species could make it to fifty. Meanwhile alligator snapping turtles, (as long as they don't cross paths with ignorant and fearful humans,) could make it past one hundred.

That was a big difference between them. Splinter had calmed them down and explained they were not just turtles and would likely have more human based lifespans. Donnie hoped that was true. If it wasn't then based on their species life spans the first of them to die would be Leo, then Mikey, then Donnie, and then Raph.

It was a dark line up.

“You saw his arm, right?” Mikey asked.

“Yes.”

“It's hurting him.”

“It is.”

“It probably needs to be removed,” Mikey mumbled, and the plane reflected the dread he felt about that idea.

“You know how he feels about that arm, he'll never remove it. I didn't bring it up,” Donnie said. “When making Raph's arms the port was based on the way his arm was severed. A controlled removal of Leon’s arm would allow me to save things like nerves and tendons.”

They also still had their subway station home and access to The Hidden City. Back then Donnie thought making Raph's port had been insane. Pushing him to his limits all while they were under constant attack. He had no idea how much worse things were going to get.

“He'll never go for that,” Mikey said.

“We don't have the resources we did when I was making Raph's port. If that stunted arm has to be removed there will never be a replacement. Leo knows this.”

It wasn't fair. Donnie started to boil with it. Seemed like Leo was always getting the short end of every stick while somehow acting like he was the luckiest guy in the universe.

Mikey gave Donnie a big hard squeeze until he bleated out a pathetic little softshell squeak.

“Hey, by the way, having Raph and Leo in here is fun, but I kinda like it when it's just you and me,” Mikey grinned.

Donnie looked around at the empty but quiet space. “There is a lot less chaos....”

Even before their bi-weekly family appointment on the communication plane Leo showed all the signs of not wanting to take it seriously. Donnie was fine with this because the exercise was humiliating and if his twin wanted to take all the prying eyes off him and why he was trapped as a child thanks to an invasive and irreversible brain surgery then he would gladly let him.

Ten minutes in and things were spectacularly out of hand. He knew his emotions were an open book so everyone could tell how happy he was when Leo found himself wondering if he could manipulate the age he appeared as between seven and twenty-four... could he appear an age he had yet to be? The answer was yes and the results were getting freaky.

“Leo stop it!” Raph snapped, trying to reel the situation back in.

Leo never let go of a good joke and Donnie was giggling in Mikey’s hold.

“My organs hurt!” Leo complained, slightly hunched over and holding his middle. “I can feel the valves in my heart.”

“Then stop aging to an age where organs hurt!” Mikey cried.

Leo used his left hand to lift his knobby knee. “But but but- my bones make noise.” He wriggled his leg. “Listen.”

Many pops and snaps cried out from Leo’s knee. Like someone twisting a sheet of bubblewrap.

“That's nasty,” Raph grimaced, throwing his hand up to block his view of Leo. “Leo stop it.”

“But I can go older!” Leo goaded, a kid climbing a water tower and telling the crowd below that he will climb even higher now.

Mikey groaned. “Your shell is completely black.”

“Red Eared Sliders turn black overtime with sun exposure,” Donnie piped up happily.

Mikey narrowed his eyes at him and he ducked his head.

“Donnie, don't encourage him,” Raph begged.

Technically Leo’s scales should also be black but then he would lose his markings and Donnie knew Leo loved his yellow and red markings a lot.

“What am I? Like seventy?” Leo asked, surveying his body as it rapidly morphed forward another decade. A timelapse of an apple in the sun. “I still feel pretty spry,” Leo said, doing some half squats that made his knees pop loudly. “Knees make really troubling noises. Thick I can hock a loogie?”

“Leo. Do. Not. Hock. A. Loogie.”

“Ew ew ew,” Mikey shivered. “I haven’t heard that term in years, why would you say that?”

Donnie also felt a mixture of queasiness but he couldn’t help but smile knowing today’s therapy time was irrecoverable now.

“Hey, don't be ableist. Or ageist. Or whatever,” Leo said, scrunching his face up in concentration. “Imma be even older!”

“No! Become twenty four right now!” Raph demanded.

Leo aged again, this time he had a matte silver walker in front of him. “You can't tell me what to do you whipper snapper! Get off my lawn!” Leo rasped. “Why in my day we spoke with respect for our elders!”

“Leo!” Raph warned.

“The more you yell the older I get!” Leo threatened, rattling his walker... threateningly.

“You're literally hunched over and have manifested a walker. With the tennis balls as to not scuff up the floor which is considered of your geriatric ass but also ridiculous!” Raph said, throwing his one and only arm out.

“Raph he feeds off negative attention- Oh dear god,” Mikey gasped.

Donnie caught a glimpse before suddenly remembering he was really scared of mummies and thus had to cower into Mikey’s neck. Literally a toddler that was convinced they could handle a haunted tunnel until he suddenly could not.

“Oh yeah,” Leo smacked his gums. “No teeth. Definitely don't have any teeth, this is getting weird .”

“Getting weird?” Raph asked, well past being exasperated. “You look like a sour green apple fruit roll up stretched over a skeleton Leo!”

“I remember those from my childhood,” Leo said fondly.

“Stop reminiscing about your childhood!” Raph yelled.

“You remind me of my older brother,” Leo said, with whimsy. “See how I am like, super old, but I don't have a worry chasm. Do you see that?”

Mikey made a noise of disagreement, “I mean arguably this is less an accurate representation of what you'll look like this advanced in age and more what you expect you'll look like-”

“Which he shouldn't be able to do at all,” Donnie muttered.

“-Which you shouldn't be able to do at all,” Mikey amended. “Why is he going cross eyed-”

There was the sound of something collapsing. Like a bookshelf made of bones.

“Ahhh no no no fuck this fuck this I'm outta here,” Raph said, hiding behind Mikey.

Curious Donnie peered out for a glance at what Leo looked like and found something even worse than him being a mummy: A pile of bones.

For a moment the bones didn’t move. The most eye-catching part of Leo’s skeletal remains was his hollow black shell. Gaping and empty. His slack jawed skull near the top of said shell.

“Is- Can he not fix this?” Mikey wondered aloud.

“Okay guys I may have messed up for realsies this time,” Leo’s skull rattled, his voice weirdly echoing like it was actually coming from inside his hollowed out shell.

“For realsies Leo? For realsies? You're a pile of bones!” Raph yelled.

“Okay, well, I was kinda hoping I'd be like Senor Hueso,” Leo said, his skull bouncing up and down on the floor as he spoke. “But now I see that without anything to hold my bones together I’m kinda like that pile of sticks everyone collects before mowing their lawn.”

“What?” Raph asked.

Donnie scoffed. “You didn't even do it right if the biological matter on your bones isn't present then the scutes on your shell would be too. Your carapace should be bone white not black.”

“Oh my god you're giving me notes?” Leo asked, the bones that were in about the area his left arm would have been shook on the ground.

“You're encouraging him?” Raph asked.

“He could at least have the decency to be accurate,” Donnie said, crossing his little arms over his equally little chest. This seems to have a softening effect on his brothers.

“I'll show you accurate,” Leo said, full of skeletal rage.

Raph sighed. “He doesn't have any face muscles but I'm assuming he's straining... Leo?”

Then there was nothing. No hollow echoing. Just-

“That's just dust,” Mikey stated, as they all stared down at the pile of dust that had replaced Leo. Sandy and fine. Not even the correct color.

“Leo?” Raph and Mikey cautiously called out to the pile of sand.

The pile of sand stood its silent ground. A monument to something stupid Leo had done. Looking from Mikey to Raph, Donnie realized he had to suggest something. They couldn’t stand here and let Leo make them feel dumb. “Do... Do we have a stick?” he asked.

“Why do we need a stick?” Raph asked carefully.

“Do you want to reach in there with your hand?” Donnie countered Raph’s suspicious energy with his out indignity.

Quickly Raph’s emotions retreated. “Uh... Mikey? What... What do we do? What's the protocol?”

“Why are you always looking at me like I'm some kind of an authority in here,” Mikey asked. “I have told you-”

“We have told you,” Donnie interjected.

“-We have told you,” Mikey amended, “Time and time again that Leo messing with his age so easily is literally unheard of.”

“So he's dead?” Raph asked, clutching his head.

“No!” Donnie and Mikey yelled.

“You can't die here,” Donnie yelled, throwing both of his hands in the air. “This isn’t Inception.”

“Raph never understood that movie.”

“But you know what if he got himself stuck as a pile of ash maybe we can get some actual family therapy done in here,” Mikey said, starting to identify a silver lining.

Raph became nervous. “Why are you looking at me?” he asked, broadcasting his guilt.

“You were the one who asked if we will end up getting short when we approach Papa’s age,” Donnie pointed out, Mikey nodded along.

“That was a general question,” Raph said, sweating. “It's not Raph’s fault Leo took that as an opportunity to play with his age until he got himself stuck as a pile of useless ash.”

“That's not even how things would break down,” Donnie said with a sneer towards the inaccurate ash pile.

“Donnie,” Raph said, in that tone Donnie did not like.

“Don't, ‘Donnie,’ Donnie, Raph!” Mikey scowled. “You knew Leo would take the bait because you know Leo doesn't like to talk about feelings and loves to goof off in here. Especially if it gets a rise out of a small child.”

“Don't shake me!” Donnie complained.

A small squeaky gasp from the sand pile made them all look towards it. A small, cherry tomato sized Leo baby fought his way through the sand.

“Leo!” They all cried, with Donnie successfully squirming out of Mikey’s arms.

He landed hard but scrambled forward to grab the squeaking and choking Leo nugget from the sand. With shaky hands he laid Leo plastron down over his palm and smacked his carapace until he coughed all the sand out. As soon as Leo did he started growing in size.

“Okay I'm done I'm done,” Leo wheezed and coughed, becoming orange sized then grapefruit sized. “I want off the ride guys oh my god oh my god,” now he was a heavy large teddy bear sized turtle child that Donnie struggled to hold up, “You guys I literally saw the light we can use this place for therapy now,” he was the same age as Donnie, but they still held each other tightly, “I don't want to be old anymore I think I just scared myself real real real real bad,” Leo stammered, becoming ten, eleven, still clutching and rocking Donnie who was now becoming the smaller and more easily physically manipulated of the two, “Oh my god why did I do that do you think I died do you think that was death,” he stammered, thirteen, fourteen, he scooped Donnie against his neck, “C-can we simulate death in here-” his voice cracked with puberty, “I don’t want to be in here anymore I’m not being funny guys,” Leo’s voice was hoarse and a little manic, Donnie couldn’t see anything he was being smushed by a rapidly aging twin, “I got scared straight like straight, as in obedient I am still g-gay,” he laughed into his twenties, “Oh my god we need a safeword, you guys know what safewords are right?” he asked, now twenty four and finding his feet, “No, oh right you all had way different childhoods haha right okay I said too much outloud-”

“EVERYTHING YOU SAY CONCERNS RAPH GREATLY.”

“Okay,” Mikey clapped his hands together. “We’re pulling the plug.”

“I want to lay on the floor of the shower now,” Leo said with shaking legs.

“How do you know that term?”

“What term?” Donnie asked, trying to sleep despite Leo talking to him from the bathroom with his toothbrush halfway down the back of his throat.

Since Mikey was in the art mood, he wasn’t going to bed for another few hours and Leo didn’t want Donnie to be alone in his room. Conversely Donnie didn’t want to sleep in The War Room because baby poops smelled and Vomitello was always ready to make an on screen appearance in the Nebraska Franchise.

“Trauma Informed Care,” Leo repeated after gargling. “You brought it up the other day.”

Donnie cracked his eyes open. The dim light burned as he had been in bed when Leo decided to invite himself in. His twin seemed to be in a good mood and Donnie knew his next words might threaten that.

“From watching over you after your hook ups when we were teens,” he said, carefully.

“What do you mean?” Leo asked, now wrapping his little arm in compression bandages while seated on the edge of Donnie’s hanging platform bed. The frame swung slightly.

Donnie sat up in attempts to steady things. “Afterwards, sometimes you would be... distant. You would need a shower, to change your clothes because what if Raph caught you with eyeliner on and those hand stamps, but you wouldn’t do it even if I got in your face and listed out the consequences. You would just flinch if I grabbed you-”

“Ah-” Leo’s shoulder’s jumped and he lost hold of his compression bandage. Now he had to start over. “Oh. Yeah. Uh. I thought you said no heart to hearts in your bed-”

“I said no asking about Bishop in my bed,” Donnie clarified, moving the blankets to the side in order to sit next to Leo and take over the task of wrapping his arm.

Leo reluctantly handed the task over. “Do I get to ban a topic too?”

“My bed, my rules,” Donnie said, trying to make sense of the blurry ball of bandages Leo handed to him.

“Ha, r-right.”

Because wrapping Leo’s arm was important to do right Donnie didn’t pick up the conversation until the task was done. Now his head hurt from squinting. He was satisfied that the compression force wasn’t cutting off circulation, but helping it.

“You told me it was... subdrop, but... I found the Trauma Informed Care guidelines made it easier to help you get a shower,” Donnie explained, feeling weirdly nostalgic for Google nowadays. “If I explained everything before doing it or touching you, you cooperated. I was well practiced getting you cleaned and in bed.”

“Ah. I don’t remember a lot of that,” Leo laughed a little.

“I know.”

Donnie definitely wasn’t laughing. The topic got in bed between them. Where Donnie was moments away from sleep before he was now trapped in a hell of past memories. Only these ones didn’t cause him to freak out. Looking back it was hard to understand how Donnie could be so stupid.

“I should have told Raph about what you were doing.”

Leo, who also wasn’t falling asleep anytime soon, shook his head. “I would've… I would have hated you forever.”

“I'd rather hold all your hatred than a secret that slowly kills you,” Donnie said immediately.

Internally though, if going to work for the EPF didn’t make Leo hate him forever then telling Raph about those Hidden City hook ups would have been forgiven. Now it was only solidified that Donnie had made the wrong choice. Thankfully for Leo time travel was impossible. If it was possible Donnie might stop the Kraang after telling Raph on Leo, and he guessed himself in a way.

“If it helps, I'm alive because of you,” Leo said nervously.

“Not sure that helps,” Donnie said plainly.

“I wanted it,” Leo said, firmer. “That’s on me.”

“No one wants to be raped.”

Leo did not like that word. The bed jerked and Leo chose that moment to fluff up his pillow with whacks from his compression wrapped arm. He laid on his right side and faced Donnie in the dark. “I wanted it on my terms... part of the kink. It’s not like I invented Rape Kink, Donnie, I’m just a guy that has it.”

Yes yes. Donnie was the sex-adverse asexual of the family. Who relied on google and tried very hard to stay away from adult websites full of people drinking each other’s body fluids. All that was so convenient for Leo because it meant Donnie was forced to take his word. And while Leo did not invent the concept of Rape Fantasy or Rape Kink he most certainly was not doing the practice correctly.

“You must realize that there is no being raped on your terms, right?” Donnie asked, refusing to call it anything but rape.

Leo sighed and rubbed at his face. He used the rough texture of the bandages on his arm to scratch his chin. “I know. I know that now,” he said, like Donnie was being exhausting.

“What do you want me to say? That I realize that now or something? What good does that do? I am sorry I made you choose between helping me or losing me. That wasn't fair, D. As for the other parts... We'll just have to agree to disagree.”

Donnie hummed in agreement. “I can't fault you for doing what comes natural,” he said, placing the bait on the hook.

“And what's that?” Leo asked, chomping down on that hook.

“Lying. It's your first language,” Donnie said.

“You don’t need to be mean,” Leo muttered, rolling onto his back and sitting up to grab some pillows from the end of the bed. It was good to have extra pillows on standby when domed back bed mates wanted to lay on their domed backs.

“I'm not being mean,” Donnie said, sitting up and helping Leo arrange his pillows. The bed was swinging now. Donnie really needed some chains leading to the ground.

“Calling me a liar is mean,” Leo said, whipping offered pillows out of Donnie’s hands.

“Let me explain,” Donnie said, upbeat and unbothered by Leo’s sour mood. He knew this would start a fight and he knew he was in the right. “I don’t think you can help it, it's not something you do intentionally.”

“Cool. So everything I say to you is a lie?” Leo asked.

“In regards to yourself, yes,” Donnie said.

Keeping up with Leo was making his head hurt. Leo was too good at twisting words and arguments around. Even before the lobotomy Donnie would lose those fights. Now he had both his hands tied behind his back.

“What?” Leo asked, impossible to distinguish whether he was faking shock or not.

“You lie to make sure everyone thinks you're okay even when you’re far from it. I fell for it when you were pursuing adult yokai as a child claiming you had a Rape Kink and I was just too sexually adverse to understand.”

“Donnie-”

“It scares me that I am falling for it now in a way I cannot detect, especially given the fact that I have literal brain damage, Nardo. It scares me that I don’t think you even do it maliciously or with purpose, you simply have zero self worth and I’m not sure if someone stole it from you or if you never had it to begin with and I never paid close enough attention to know. Worst of all I know if you have an answer to any of what bothers me so badly; you won’t tell me .”

Leo stayed silent. Donnie didn’t have the brains to decide if he was stewing or at a loss for words, but he could feel himself losing steam. Sleep was an alluring escape.

His next words were tired. “While it is extremely helpful to me; it is not normal to appear a different age in the communal plane than what you truly are. That is why Mikey looks twenty three there even though physically he is in his early forties.”

“Oh this again!” Leo groaned. “Just because I accidentally became dust-”

No, Donnie wouldn’t allow Leo to deflect. “It’s practically unheard of, Leo. I believe you can also control what emotions you broadcast too. It’s terrifying to think about why that’s possible. I can’t begin to imagine what you went through to make that possible. Do you understand that?”

He was out of breath and had raised his voice a few octaves. He rubbed his throat. His head pounded. His eyes burned and his sinuses had that feeling right before tears.

“Have you considered that maybe I'm just awesome?” Leo asked cockily.

Donnie squeezed his eyes shut as hard as he could. He wiped his tears on the collar of his shirt and laid on his right side facing away from Leo. “I'm not engaging in a conversation with you if you're just going to deflect,” he croaked.

“Then I guess there's no more conversation,” Leo said happily. Basking in his victory.

Same dance. Same outcome. Donnie kept playing a game he had no chance of winning. His brain had tunnels in it. He couldn't go back in time and save the world, his twin, or himself. Everything sucked and he was stuck in a bed with someone who seemed to enjoy that.

“Can I still sleep in here or are you pissed off at me now?” Leo asked lightly.

“Do what you want,” Donnie said robotically. The only thing he felt was that slow rumble of self hatred off in the neighboring state.

Tomorrow was going to be fun.

“Don’t be like that. Don’t be bitchy,” Leo scolded.

Donnie shrugged off the way Leo’s words were physically hurting his chest. He curled into himself tighter. “You have been sleeping in my bed for several nights, I clearly don’t care.”

“I was hoping you hadn’t noticed,” Leo said.

“You can sleep here tonight,” Donnie said.

“What about tomorrow night?” Leo hummed. “Can I get an invitation in advance?” he asked teasingly.

“Okay,” Donnie said.

“And the night after that?” Leo asked, voice going higher and more playful.

“Okay,” Donnie said.

“Even if I don’t wear boxers?” Leo goaded, laughing at his own question.

“Okay,” Donnie said, swallowing the knot in his throat.

Leo scooted closer and touched the top of Donnie’s shell with his left hand. Gripping the filed down spines. “You’re not even going to ask if I’m wearing them right now?”

“Okay,” Donnie said, pulling the lip of his shell forward and around his body so Leo couldn’t hold it.

“Eesh,” Leo said, taking his hand away. “So... this is how we go to bed? Angry?”

“Okay.”

“Holy shit, fine!” Leo snapped. “Cool. Goodnight D,” he spat, “And if all you’re going to say is fucking okay to that, then just shut the fuck up.”

Yeah, Donnie wasn’t sure what he expected. This was his bed. Leo was the one that refused to turn the balcony into a private room so when Cassandra and Raph wanted some private time they could still have their own space. Mikey’s bed in the corner of the ceiling was frustratingly sized for someone who slept completely tucked up in their shell. Leo was mad so he was breathing purposely loud to make sure Donnie knew he was upset.

He had miscalculated. Not only was he no longer capable of attempting to go toe to toe with Leo in an argument, he wasn’t able to deescalate. He felt like the only word he could say was okay. Anything else would make things worse. He wanted Leo to realized he was trapped in a loop and desperate to fall asleep. Now he had to lay in his own bed in a tense curl because Leo was angry. Breathing hard. Rubbing at his face and making the bed move. Donnie was growing anxious. Someone was inflating a balloon in his chest cavity and it hurt so bad. Worst of all it was his fault for bringing up a topic he knew Leo was sore about.

But didn’t Donnie have a right to be sore about it too? No, that would mean his feelings mattered. His feelings didn’t matter. Leo has had it a lot worse than him these past few years. He should suck it up and apologize.

“Donnie.”

Donnie flinched and stayed silent.

“Donnie,” Leo sucked in a huge wet gulp of air. “Donnie, I’m sorry I’m really sorry can you please say something to me please I don’t know why I’m being an asshole- I just- dammit, please, I’m sorry,” he begged, fingers barely touching Donnie’s back.

Without much thought Donnie rolled over and wormed his arm around Leo’s waist and stuck his snout into Leo’s ribs. Leo held Donnie’s arm in place with his left hand and rested his right arm on top of Donnie’s head. They squeezed each other hard. Leo tried to cry as silently as he could and exhaustion finally took Donnie away from whatever confusing thing had just happened.

Watching it through the screen made it seem like it was happening to a stranger. There was hardly anything recognizable about the squirming tight jaw Softshell Turtle Mutant in Raph's grip. Wrists crossed and held tight by one very large flesh hand. Waist pinned by a metal arm. Raph's steady plastron the backboard that this crazy thing tried to push into and past. Obviously not aware of its surroundings.

"No no nope D," Raph whispered down at the wildly swinging head under him. "Come on. Stop."

More words passed. Cassandra said something and left the room. Soon a blue portal opened and Mikey and Leo joined the show. Faces both pained. The crazy turtle in Raph's lap on the floor kept trying and failing to get its feet under itself. Lacking the ability to understand that the downward pressure and restraint wouldn't allow him to escape like that.

All while constantly squealing in pain.

"Donnie please stop, that's gotta be hurting your hip."

Oh it did. Which was why Donnie was spending today doing puzzles, sleeping, and utilizing Leo's portals to get around the airport.

"He can't control it, Raph," Leo whispered, biting his lip and standing in front of the scene like a solution may form. "Imagine your brain misfiring. Just keep holding him."

Donnie rubbed his wrists while watching the footage. Given the fight he was displaying it was a miracle Raph didn't leave bruises. Maybe years and years of being the largest being in any room taught Raph how to hold much smaller creatures down without leaving a mark.

"He was doing this alone?" Raph asked Mikey since Leon was trying to break through to Donnie.

"D, I know you're not very aware of anything right now but you're safe," Leo spoke softly and some of the words cut on the audio. "You're safe. We're keeping you safe and we're watching over you."

In real time those words made Donnie uncomfortable. Embarrassed even. Watching his panicked eyes dart around the room while he tried to flex and push himself out of Raph's grip. His body movements were unnatural and possessed. A spider glued down by one leg and freaking out about it.

"He would make a force field so we wouldn't hear," Mikey said, answering Raph's question. "Let me slip in there...," he tapped Leo's shoulder so he could straddle Raph's thigh.

"Can you tell him he's safe or something?" Leo begged, stepping back.

Both avoided Donnie's kicking legs when swapping places. Mikey stood with his feet on either side of Donnie's hips and tried to secure his head.

"Not exactly how that works-" Mikey said, struggling against Donnie panicking at the touch on his temples. "Oh yeah we are in bad shape," Mikey pulled away with a wince. He shook out his hands and stepped back beside Leo. "He's not capable of using his magic so he feels stable."

"Please Donnie. You're okay," Raph whispered.

Leo leaned down, "But you can't reach him?" he asked Mikey.

"As soon as he starts to come out of it I can yank him the rest of the way," Mikey said. "Right now the lights are on, no one is going to answer the door."

The fight in Donnie ended. He could see his own exhaustion. The rapid breathing and relentless effort spent trying to get up all hit him at once. There was a memory coiled in his stomach seeing himself go slack purely from exhausting his own panic. His brothers didn't like it either, all of them pulling in closer to rub his hands and try to convince him he was okay. Leo and Mikey sat on Raph's thighs. Bracketing Donnie's thighs with their shins.

"Did anyone catch the trigger?" Leo asked, trying to towel off sweat from Donnie's face.

They must have peeled him out if his clothes after this. Directed him through a shower too. He couldn't have escaped this without smelling like a gallon of BO and Raph's Sympathy Stink. He really didn't recall any of the episode. He remembered waking up that night with a sore throat and curious as to why Mikey followed him into the bathroom, but he was far too tired to care, complain, or think about it too hard. Not when getting back to bed seemed so nice.

"No, he just started wailing on himself. Like hard," Raph said.

Leo looked down at Donnie's legs, but Raph shook his head.

"Skull," Raph clarified. "Hard Leo, hard. Super super hard. I- I didn't get to him fast enough. He got himself hard five times. Smacking the heel of his hands on his temples hard, before I looked over I thought he was slamming his skull on the wall, that was the sound."

Raph's description was accurate, even the hits. The camera had caught the edge of the episode, but if his family was looking for a trigger they would be as stumped as Donnie. There was no clear conversation that led to Donnie self harming. Cassandra had been talking about guns, and Donnie had been responding back. Reminiscing about the past and their mutual struggles to find Gun Information online that wasn't full of conservative rhetoric. As a Biromantic Ace it was always a bit jarring when a Gun Vlogger would randomly rant about their new soft liberal brother in law that didn't know a bullet from a casing. Donnie loved guns and with his mystic powers knowing the inner workings was very important. He made several guns for fun. The conversation was pleasant and focused on something Donnie was rambling about with great interest.

Then.

Suddenly he was whacking himself with hatred. Hatred-hatred. More hatred than some of those vloggers towards their new brother in laws. Donnie wanted to smash his skull in and if Raph hadn't cloned himself across the room...

"What happened to this-" Leo hissed at Mikey and Raph while flapping his hands. "Or-" he then flicked his fingers from his palm. "Huh? Remember he used to do that." 

Mikey and Raph couldn't answer. Leo's shoulders dropped and he rubbed his temples. The weird Donnie in Raph's solid grip continued to breathe harshly and stare off at nothing. His boot twitched in random intervals, sometimes a little cry escaped his lips. On the other side of his tablet, thirty-six hours into the future, Donnie shook his hand out experimentally. Like when he was a teen. It felt familiar and soothing so he shook out his left hand while speeding through the rest of the footage. While he didn't remember it, the Donnie on screen came back to them. Even started talking. Mostly to apologize and convince them that he could be moved out of the War Room so Cassandra could bring Casey back into what was supposed to be their home. A one year old shouldn't be around such violence, it was an uncomfortable combination.

It was an uncomfortable thought that he was literally deemed unsafe around a baby without supervision. If circumstances were normal. If Donnie was a human in a non-shattered society he would be in an asylum.

That had to be a thought his brothers had. They knew. They knew he wasn't stable, and judging by Leo's tense voice and posture there seemed to be little hope of much more improvement. Maybe he interpreted the MRI with the best chances, but not the most realistic outcome. There were dead parts of Donnie's brain and they were important, irreplaceable, parts of him.

He sat in the basement. In the once employee daycare. Because the carpeted floor was nice and the three foot tall walls that divided the room and once held organizers of toys obstructed the light from the hall. Humiliation made him want to pull away from his family. The morning had been tense with it. A compromise formed where Donnie could hide in a room as long as someone came in to check on him every thirty minutes. April had an eye on him through the cameras and she was with Leo who could portal in immediately to help Donnie if he had another tantrum.

For the most part Donnie made plans. Updated spreadsheets. Fretted over the day before. Followed his past to another room where his family swaddled him in a blanket and Mikey stayed close by. All of them constantly worried that Donnie would slip away again. Leo checked him for a concussion. Raph insisted on holding him even though they were through the worst of the outburst. Presently Donnie realized this was Raph's excuse to hug Donnie without making it obvious.

Maybe some of this was more familiar. Donnie was currently wrapped in the same blanket as his past self on screen. Only his past self was getting a scalp massage from Mikey while his current self hid away with feelings of complete horror over the previous day. And yes he was told not to watch the footage, which meant he had to watch the footage.

The lights overhead turned on and Donnie stowed away his tablet. The look on Cindy's face said she already knew what he had been doing. Especially with the way she said, "Donnie," before cocking her head towards the table in the back of the room. A puzzle under her arm.

She and April had a lot of the same body language.

"Don't live in yesterday. Come flip these puzzle pieces over."

A cardboard waterfall. The box tossed out of the way on the floor. Cindy sat down knowing Donnie would follow her orders.

"There's things I need to do," Donnie tried, mumbling around all the shame in his chest.

"It's not watching that footage, come on," Cindy said.

This time Donnie stood up. Maybe it was the fact that Cindy was April's mom and Donnie had a huge weak spot for quality parental guidance. He took his blanket with him. It was far too small on his lanky seven foot four inch frame to feel like the security blanket he wanted it to be. A cape that dragged on the floor sweeping a path through sandy grit on the sewer floor. Instead it was a poncho that covered his shoulders.

"I want to know what I am putting them through," Donnie explained, turning pieces over. He and Cindy were the only ones who liked to do puzzles blind. Meaning they maybe took a glance at the image on the box before throwing it to the side. Everyone else found it frustrating. Donnie found puzzles too easy any other way.

This was a behemoth of a puzzle. Five thousand tiny pieces that Cindy expertly flipped over with her press on nails.

"You're not a burden your family is enduring. Don't put yourself in a box for them. Live in today and do a puzzle."

They did the puzzle. A bored Huginn and Muninn joined to live commentate the puzzle edge assembly then left still bored. Mayhem came in for a nap. Then it was close to dinner and Donnie’s vision was blurring which put the puzzle on pause until tomorrow.

Because there would be a tomorrow.

Fifty minutes for ten miles. Not his best time. His thighs were still discolored but they were healing save for some places where he got a hit or two in before his support system could intervene. He wore shorter shorts that were nice for this humidity but nothing close to the comfort and stretch of those black ones he had in his teenage years.

Donnie chugged water until his stomach hurt and dreamed of a cold shower, but his ten mile run was actually just a Raph Approved warm up to their first official training day as a team. Leo walked over to sit with him on the pavement while he recovered.

“I told Raph,” Leo said.

“About your lungs?” Donnie asked, assuming that was why Raph didn’t tell Leo to do some cardio like April, Sunita, Cass, and Donnie. Leo had lung issues and Mikey had bone density problems.

Also someone needed to supervise Donnie during his run and who better than Leo who could immediately portal to him?

Leo jerked his head around to look at Donnie, shocked. “Yes he’s known that, and I see Mikey told you about that,” he said. “But. I mean- I told him about what was going on with me. Before- Before I fumbled The Key, and this time Mikey is making me tell you myself. So this is me, doing that. Buckle up.”

Donnie wet his lips and nodded. “Okay. I’m listening.” The topic seemed kind of out of nowhere. Donnie wasn’t sure he wanted to rehash this and get into another fight like that one night.

“I had a plan,” Leo said, looking anywhere but at Donnie. “I was going to show Splinter how bad of a leader I was so he would make Raph leader again. I was so close before the invasion.”

“You were doing it on purpose?” Donnie asked, less surprised but still confused. Splinter was stubborn about his choices and while Donnie hadn’t been happy that Leo was made leader, he was all too eager to let someone else sort the issue out.

Leo nodded. “I had to. Dad crawled out of his hole after Raph raised us. Led us,” he emphasized. “Looked after us. Didn’t say good job. No gratitude. Just made me the leader. He hurt Raph and he used me to do it.”

“Raph was all for it,” Donnie pointed out. Immediately and without hesitation Raph began offering Leo these Leader Lessons that Leo ignored.

“Raph took it on the chin, D,” Leo said, waving his right arm. His old prosthetic was in Donnie’s possession which forced him to go without until his new arm was done. “That had to feel like a knife to his heart.”

None of them received much praise from Splinter. Hell, they competed for Papa’s Hugs of all things. Raph wanting appreciation for being their leader, their parent? That was like Donnie expecting to be thanked for fixing the microwave. Seemed like Leo was projecting some expectations onto Raph.

“It fucked his self esteem up,” Leo said, stretching his neck from side to side.

“You could have talked to us,” Donnie said, remembering that he and Mikey tried that several times. Donnie tried to talk to Raph, Mikey tried to talk to Leo. Raph was so angry at Leo and Leo was always the Silver Tongue that couldn’t be bothered to take Mikey’s concerns seriously.

Then Donnie, well Donnie had to stay out of it because he wasn’t good with feelings. Donnie experienced feelings the wrong way.

“I was too far in my own head about it,” Leo said, as close to admitting he should have talked to Mikey or Donnie as he ever would be. “By the time I was purposely screwing up the mission to get that stupid relic ...”

They both simmered in it. The relic. The Key. Funny that they didn’t even have a picture of it anymore but Donnie could see every detail in his nightmares. A stupid camping thermos sized cylinder of carved stone. 

“... When we lost that I was finalizing my back up plan to make sure Raph was the leader again. No room for error.”

“What did that plan involve?” Donnie asked.

“Killing myself.”

If this conversation hadn’t happened after the huge disclaimer that Donnie was the last one hearing about this he would be freaking out. Sure he could be suicidal, but he deserved to die for everything he did under the EPF. Leo, planning to kill himself at fifteen? What the hell had Leo done at fifteen that made suicide a reasonable option?

“A dead guy can’t be the leader,” Leo explained, misreading the silence.

Donnie was confused. “He can’t be our medic either.”

Actually losing their team medic would have been devastating. Leo’s hyperfixation on medical procedures meant firstly if they had a normal yokai upbringing in The Hidden City then Leo would have been a doctor. No doubt. Likely a pediatrician because seriously Donnie didn't even have to explain that. But since they didn’t have that normal upbringing Leo became their private family doctor and they would be dead without him. Circumstances make leaders. Circumstances do not make it possible for someone to become a medic at the level Leo is in a month.

“Never said it was a good plan, never said it just solved the leadership issue,” Leo said darkly, getting to his feet and offering Donnie his hand. “Come on. Enough of this emotional crap. Let's meet up with Raph now and see what pitying expression he has for me and my diminished lung capacity. Maybe he’ll let me do a single jumping jack.”

“Leo, wait,” Donnie said, not letting go of Leo’s hand even as he stood.

“Hm?”

“I’m glad your plan failed.” Donnie dropped Leo’s hand so he could anxiously wring his own and look down at the pavement between his sneakers. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Yeah, well,” Leo sighed darkly. “It only cost us the entire world.”

“I would gladly pay it twice,” Donnie said.

Leo said nothing in response.

If Donnie blacked out through an episode it meant he didn’t remember what triggered said episode. He did remember it in the moment, but his brain would have wiped it by the next day. Unhelpfully those around him also couldn't tell him what had happened because Donnie's only warning that he was going to start hitting himself or kicking something in a fit of rage was him already doing it. During the episodes he was also not open to describing in detail the memories he was trying to shove away.

Leo and Mikey had been doing their research on PTSD and combining it with how children, (specifically six to eight year olds,) were calmed down after an outburst. Time outs, reward systems, all things that Donnie was too old for and seemed to suggest behavioral issues. Donnie didn’t want to hit himself until his thighs were literally in pain when wearing pants. He didn’t like destroying rooms and splitting his knuckles and wasting his time.

He was making small progress on stopping himself. Managing to curl up instead of going straight for the beating. That still had the complication of someone needing to identify the curl as an issue so that his brothers could come and perform a hold on him.

Being aware of the holding and the memories sucked. Donnie hated it. Filled with rage that he wasn’t allowed to strike himself. Regretting that he curled instead of beating himself when he had the chance. Then immediately afterwards, in that sweaty out of breath calm state he would be grateful that he powered through. Every curl was a step in the right direction and they were getting easier to default to. It was also easier to return to normal if he curled and received a hold. Only needing a few hours before he would be stable enough to go back to a lower supervision level that allowed him to work.

With the reward of getting back to work dangled in front of him, Donnie worked on deep breathing while swaddled in a blanket on the floor of Cindy’s room. Donnie had been fixing the dehumidifier in her room when he got triggered. This one was identifiable because Donnie lost his grip the second April asked if he could fix it while standing above him with her arms crossed. Donnie had a whole shelf of bad memories where someone stood over him and asked that question. So he answered that he could out of fear then froze then had a panic attack then curled.

Moments later Leo was in the room pinning him. April and Sunita held his legs.

Now all that was over. They were still in Cindy’s room. The dehumidifier was still broken. 

“MLMs,” Cindy said. “I had so many CNAs getting wrapped up in those.”

“Yes,” Leo snapped his metal fingers. “Predatory MLMs. Gone. You're welcome.”

The conversation of choice was listing every bad thing Leo got rid of by causing the end of the world.

“I started at MLM in grade school,” Cassandra said, proud.

“If an MLM crops up now we know who suspect number one is,” April said, Sunita nodded.

Donnie cleared his throat. “Cell phone kiosks in the mall.”

“Yes, so annoying! What were they doing?”

Everyone discussed what cellphone kiosks were doing in the mall. No one brought attention to Donnie speaking for the first time since the episode.

“Student loan debt,” Cindy added.

“Right,” Leo agreed. “I destroyed that too, honestly they should all be grateful.”

Leo’s portals were a game changer for moving a lot of bulky things from outside to inside without removing walls or having to worry about elevators. For Leo it was a lot of standing around and making portals while Donnie giddily made different forklift attachments with his ninpo to move water tanks, heaters, and bulky pipes to the places he needed them. Already he had plans to have Leo help him repair the nearby wind farm by taking the turbines apart on location then driving the blades through a portal back to a hangar on the base where Donnie would take his time fixing them. Improving the wind farm was a major task Donnie was excited to complete.

“Why Nebraska, D?” Leo asked after giving Donnie a whole afternoon of moving things. It was getting dark, the sun was setting. For the fun of it and because Donnie recently fixed it they rode a golf cart back to the main building. The ground was way too bumpy for the small wheels so Donnie made a road with his ninpo and Leo barely kept the golf cart on that road.

“Because I've been thinking about it for most of my life?” Donnie supposed, giving Leo some frustrating S-Curves to navigate.

Okay so maybe there was a small possibility that Donnie was also the reason Leo could barely stay on the road.

“But why?” Leo asked, spinning the wheel with one hand. “Why would your genius brain make this into a base?”

They might’ve been a little work-drunk. Having spent the entire afternoon unsupervised. Yes they moved things but they also dropped some defunct equipment from really high in the air and watched it collide with the ground. The kind of stuff Raph would not approve of.

“We are sitting above the largest stronghold of nuclear warheads in the world… as of 2020,” Donnie said with a grin. Sure this was a secret bunker, Donnie knew where all of them were. But this secret government bunker was really special. “I am sure since the invasion other nations have started mass producing these weapons,” he said, trying to stay humble.

Most days he felt like a dragon atop his hoard of potential nukes.

Leo slammed on the brakes. A ninpo road has little friction so the golf cart slid into the rough grass. Teetering on two wheels forcing Donnie to scramble halfway into Leo’s lap.

“We’re living above a bunch of nuclear weapons? Like the ones that vaporized Hiroshima and Nagasaki?” Leo asked.

“No!” Donnie said quickly, forming some even ground under the cart so Leo could have his personal space back.

“Oh good- you scared the life out of me.”

“These ones are a thousand times more destructive,” Donnie scoffed. “If all of them were to go off then Nebraska, Iowa, and non- insignificant portions of Missouri, Kansas, South Dakota- All would be at least inhabitable. All life would be vaporized and the land so poisoned that the surrounding area would be impossible to live in, or even cross without getting radiation poisoning. The detonation would be so powerful it would trigger earthquakes.”

“And we’re just sitting on top of that?” Leo asked, like that was bad and not very comforting.

Donnie shrugged. Unfortunately it wasn’t that simple. He had everything he needed to make that reality but there weren’t any ready-to-fire nukes just sitting in the bunker waiting for him. They were dismantled, or neutralized. One of the last orders of the sitting president because nuclear war was bad for humans, or something. “They’re not armed… exactly,” he admitted.

“What’s your plan then? Nukes have damning consequences,” Leo said, sobering up fast. “Cancer. Deformities-”

“It’s not for war; it’s for an escape,” Donnie said quickly as he formed a much straighter road. “We would have evacuation plans using your portals then remotely detonate the base. We would be able to take out a huge swatch of Kraang forces with the right planning. This isn’t about war, it’s about last stands. The day we leave this place behind is the day we stop trying to save the world.”

“And what… focus on killing as many as we can?” Leo asked, confused. “Have you already given up?”

Donnie shrugged. “We are not winning this war, but we can end it. This would be part of that ending.”

“Woah woah woah-,” Leo stopped the golf cart with more grace this time. “Donnie, this doom and gloom is not my brother.”

“Maybe your brother changed,” Donnie said.

“No. Our future isn’t written until we write it,” Leo said, and he would have poked Donnie in the chest but Donnie was on his right side. So instead the conversation was over and they pulled into the main building where trucks used to unload supplies.

Once inside they would portal the golf cart to the basement. Cindy wanted it since the basement was ridiculous to walk and she was right about the smooth cement floors being perfect for the small electric vehicle.

“Do you want your next arm to also be a shoulder mounted missile launcher?” Donnie asked, attempting to lighten the mood again. “I've been meaning to ask.”

“What?! Yes, of course!” Leo answered immediately. “I can’t believe you’re letting me have a missile launcher. Does it include missiles?”

Donnie paused. “Fair point, maybe just a gun?”

“Just a gun he says, you’re for real for real?” Leo sputtered.

“Yeah… in fact you can consider it written,” Donnie said, proud of himself.

“Oh ho ho ho! I see you’re turning that around on me,” Leo said with a grin, throwing his arm around Donnie’s shoulders and walking in step with him towards the elevator.

Donnie pulled his tablet out and navigated to the kitchen to see the fam was gathering for their evening meal. A meal Donnie would be attending because he did that sort of thing now. “Correct.”

“Like a callback, to what I said earlier,” Leo said, pushing it now. “A few minutes ago. While we drove here.”

“Feel like maybe you’re ruining it by going on about it,” Donnie muttered as they stepped into the elevator.

Leo used his foot on the elevator panel and sent them to the wrong floor then the correct floor. “You looked so proud of yourself though I bet you had some deep thoughts after I said that to you. It resonated with you on a deep level-”

“I’m unwriting the arm gun.”

“NO! YOU REVISIONIST!”

It was raining. Donnie would have ran in the rain. It didn't bother him. It bothered his babysitters who worried he might get ill. So the compromise was Donnie could run in the basement using Leo’s portals to make a continuous straight path. Raph and Leo used the time to lift weights that Raph had made himself. The dumbbells in the employee gym only went to one-hundred and twenty pounds. Raph was easily curling six-hundred pounds and while he could curl a barbell with plates, it was easier to make his own dumbbells with a thick comfortable bar to hold. Leo was curling one-hundred and eighty with his left arm and also needed to customize his lifting equipment.

“You swear it’s as big as my left?” Leo asked Raph, gesturing to his brand new prosthetic arm. Gun transforming abilities included. “Because I did a lot of bicep curls to get these natural guns.”

“For the millionth time they are identical,” Raph assured him.

“One. Is. Metal,” Donnie panted as he passed by them.

After years of making arms for Leo, Donnie understood the importance of giving Leo muscles that he could flex. Donnie measured muscles and took silicone molds both relaxed and flexed up. Size wise the right arm was a mirrored version of his left.

“I mean identical size Donnie, why are you encouraging him?” Raph asked. “How long are you running for?”

Donnie sprinted through a portal and came through on the other side of the basement. “Twenty-five more minutes,” he panted as he passed the duo.

“Two hour endurance run? No thanks. I’ll keep flexing,” Leo said. “Gotta stay pretty if I want to get a boyfriend.”

“Aren’t you allergic to relationships?” Raph asked, switching arms solely to keep the back muscles on his right side at the same level as his left. Since Raph had a port his metal arm was more connected to him than Leo’s.

Leo started doing squats with a bar loaded up with plates. Donnie didn’t do any weight lifting. All his muscle came from moving machines by hand so he had no concept of what Leo was squatting, just that the bar was sagging under the weight he loaded on it. “Hey who knows? Maybe we will start filling this place up and I can have my pick of the hottest guys.”

“You are so lucky Mikey is doing that deep mindscape meditation session with Draxum right now. Or else he would be having words about your priorities.”

“Uh Mikey is a little old for me, don’t you think?” Leo asked, dropping his weights loudly.

“Leo- You know I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night,” Raph shook his head.

“Why? No? Sleep?” Donnie asked as he ran by.

“Junior is teething,” Leo called after him. Then waited until Donnie was coming back around to explain, “It’s where your teeth burst through your gums. It’s painful and uncomfortable and he’s fourteen months old so it’s literally the worst thing that has ever happened to him.”

“I’m not upset or unsympathetic but I am just so tired,” Raph complained. “Cass is actually warming up to the wheel because of this.”

“Oh really?” Leo said, interested.

“Yeah, putting him down for a nap after he's been on it is working....” Raph said quietly.

He tried to only talk when Donnie was far away but Donnie heard. But he was very humble so he wouldn't say anything. Maybe.

Maybe he would boast later.

The teething issue answered why Leo was spending more time in Donnie’s bed. He ran with that thought for two minutes before there was a pop of Mayhem’s teleportation near Raph and Leo. April was riding Mayhem and she looked concerned. Donnie slowed his run and jogged up to them then kept jogging in place.

“Hey D,” April said, welcoming him into the discussion. “Our neighbors to the north, they’re getting attacked by another group.”

Sensing this was not a short pop in, Donnie stopped jogging in place. “They’re not our neighbors just because one time I delivered them strawberry plants, and that other time fuel, and that time before a water filter.”

“D, you literally monitor them,” April said, and Mayhem nodded.

Donnie took the towel Leo offered him to start wiping his face and neck. “Solving their problems before they start thinking about raiding my base is not me being neighborly,” he put the last word in air quotes. “It’s tactical.” Still, he was curious. “What’s going on?” he asked, taking up his water bottle from the floor.

April slid off Mayhem’s back as he sat down. “They sent out a distress call,” April said, leaning against Mayhem. “You know, to us, because in the past if they mention they’re starving on this line strawberry plants and canned vegetables and goat meat and fuel appear. Mr. I-Don’t-Care-About-Others .”

“Why are they being attacked?” Raph asked.

“Yeah, why are they being attacked?” Donnie asked, squinting. If that group went off to stir up a pot Donnie was not helping them unstir it. He had boundaries.

“The attacking group wants their resources, and if they’ve connected the fact that we’re the one supplying them with those resources then they probably realize it’s easier to steal from the group that isn’t in a fortified airport that’s patrolled by large metal robots with guns,” April said.

“Yeah. There’s two options right now,” Leo explained, looking at Donnie. “Either you lived in a walled city where your rights are null-”

“What’s going on in walled cities?” Donnie asked, very disconnected from the ground fight.

Leo’s face darkened. “Birth quotas for women, and I believe the combat age for men is thirteen now.”

“Soldier factories,” Raph muttered.

“Yeah, so as a woman I really don’t blame them for trying to rough it out here,” April said.

“Nearby walled cities are not going to help without stripping that group of all their autonomy,” Leo said. “They will not respond to a distress call unless that group agrees to join them either.”

“If we help them more than the anonymous way I have then our cover is blown,” Donnie warned, anxiety prickling the back of his neck. “There is no putting the toothpaste back in the tube.”

Leo shrugged. “Well the good news is we don’t use toothpaste, we use tabs and they’re easy to put back in the jar after I spill them everywhere.”

Donnie’s stomach cramped. He understood where they were coming from but this was a mirror of the same conversation they had years ago in regards to The Lair and why they couldn’t welcome everyone to live with them underground.

“How big is the group?” Raph asked, forehead chasm deepening.

“Forty people,” April said. “I think fifteen are fighters, the rest are older or kids. I have only talked to their leader under the guise of being a nomad with zero connection to this place. I don’t think they’ve connected that it’s this location that’s helping them, for one they can not see us by binocular or telescope because of the terrain, and to observe us they would have to send a scout and that is too risky for them. What’s at their door is fifty guys from another group that says they have twelve hours to surrender or they all die.”

“Okay, let’s scare them off,” Leo said, stretching. “The attacking group must be based further away.”

“And reveal ourselves?” Donnie asked, just to make sure they understood what was being suggested.

“We’re also keeping a buffer around us,” Raph countered. “If we can keep some other groups on their feet, and they’re friendly with us, they’ll warn us of threats and share resources.”

Donnie shook his head. “I assure you the group with the most resources is right here,” he said, pointing to the floor. “While inviting them in seems easy, people are selfish and we have resources to guard. We can’t have outsiders in here until the bunker is completely sealed off from the basement. Then parts of the basement also need to be protected against sabotage.”

“No one is moving anybody in,” Leo eased, patting Donnie’s very sweaty back. “But we’ve always stuck up for the little guys. And the little guys are about to get their shit stolen- which is actually your shit that you gave them.”

Donnie bristled under Leo’s point. His shell flared and crinkled. A look was shared between everyone else. “That does bother me,” he gritted out before taking a forced deep breath. He calmed himself and stood up straight. His tail gave a small assured quiver as he spoke. “Last ditch attempt to ignore this, have we considered that it is raining? No? No takers? Fine, I'll gear up. Without a shower.”

“You do that,” Leo said, as Donnie slumped away. “April, let those guys know help is on the way but they need to act like it isn’t. We’re sending that militia home in their underwear only.”

“Oof, but Leo,” Raph said dramatically, “Didn’t you know it’s raining?”

“And the barbs continue!” Donnie called out.