Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Congratulations, Akito. You’re the first to beat me in a game of chess.”

Toya spoke with a faint yet lighthearted smile. Looking at his patient who was sitting on his bed in front of him, he saw the thunder outside lighting his face up for a brief moment, before Toya heard the distant rumble himself.

Akito was rather uncomfortable with storms. Especially if it was a heavy one like that. One that blurred the city lights, making everything look shapeless on the inside. One that mixed with the earthy scent of rain. They didn’t scare him, but rather gave him this eerie feeling which made Akito feel uneasy. Toya knew that. But instead of directly comforting him about it, he gave subtle hints to show that he was there and Akito was safe.

“Do you mean that?” The ginger asked as he finally raised his head from the chessboard. He was grasping a black bishop in his palm, the piece that had led him to win the game. The only answer he received from the doctor was a simple nod.

Even if Akito wasn’t the one to be so expressive with his feelings, it could be sensed without much effort that he wasn’t very happy about winning. The window was right behind Toya, a heavy sound of downpour almost distracting him if it wasn’t for the grey irises. 

Akito tried his best to keep his focus on them until he felt the gentle touch on his fist. 

Toya supported his own chin with a hand, the other reaching for Akito’s, a simple yet effective gesture to help subside Akito’s discomfort. His thumb rubbing on Akito’s knuckles was so gentle as though he were touching a brittle object.

However, it didn't help Akito feel any better.

He had thought it did at first. Yet later, every single word or gesture towards him from Toya, subtle or obvious, started making Akito feel even sicker. Not that Toya is a bad psychologist, he's incredibly talented in his job. The problem is solely Akito himself.

It started as a harmless feeling of being deprived of love. Having grown up as an orphan, Akito pushed himself to believe that he didn't need any kind of affection which he painfully lacked. 

That is, until he met this doctor and figured just how caring humans could be towards others. All those smiles and asking him about how his day had been made Akito want to throw up. He wouldn't have cared if Toya did it only because it's his job, but he was genuine. Toya did care about Akito deeply and he hated it. He didn't need all that, did he?

But on the other hand, he also couldn't ignore a pang of comfort that he found in Toya’s care. It humiliated him to know that someone was finally caring about him instead of throwing him around.

“Are you afraid?”

Toya asked, tearing Akito’s thoughts apart. His thumb had stopped caressing Akito’s hand but was still there.

“....Afraid of what?”

“The storm.”

Had Akito looked down and saw the sight of Toya’s paler hand on his, did he realize he needed this. He couldn't keep lying to himself. He was desperate for care and affection, but only from Toya.

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

He sounded quite confident in himself, so Toya gave him another smile. “Then would you mind if I left right now?”

Akito felt his eyes suddenly go wide. He subconsciously gripped Toya's hand, holding on for an invisible bond between them.

“Do you have to?”

“Well, my shift is about to end. I should've already gotten prepared earlier but I decided I could stay longer after seeing you like that.”

Akito wanted to punch that smile off Toya's face. He was too nice for his own good. Akito was merely a mental freak, why would he purposefully come and stay by his side if he was about to leave already? And he didn't even know him that well.

Though Akito was once again grateful for how much he cared. That's what he wanted to believe, at least.

“It's okay. You can leave if you want.” he muttered, looking down.

Toya sighed. He knew Akito needed him, and he wanted to provide the emotional support he was longing for. But he didn't want to make him too attached, either.

He pushed the table between them aside, along with the chessboard on top of it. He stood up and smiled down at Akito.

Akito reluctantly looked up to see him. It wasn't helping. The sight of Toya and his pretty face, his blue parts of hair forming his bangs and colliding with his eyebrows made Akito stare much longer than he should’ve. He desperately needed him, he needed to—

“Can you promise me you will be okay?”

Akito internally flinched at the question.

“Yes. Yes. I'll… be okay.”

He quickly nodded. He was lying and he knew it. But he couldn't beg the doctor to stay, after all. 

Toya patted him on the shoulder before he headed to the door. “Good night, Akito. Don't forget to take your pills.”

Akito didn't even get to say it back since Toya left so quickly, but he had been very nice today so it was okay. It was okay.

He glanced at the pills on the nightstand by his bed. Even the mere thought of taking them made his stomach churn with disgust.

Toya was heading to pack his things up and leave until he encountered a familiar face.

“Aoyagi, funny seeing you in this part of the building. You haven't left yet?”

Rui had his hands in the pockets of his coat, looking at Toya with amusement but also a hint of curiosity.

“Kamishiro? I could say the same for you. I was just seeing a patient in room 39, had to stay longer than usual.”

“Room 39?” Rui suddenly went deadpan, his smile dying.

Toya nodded. “Mhm. My new patient stays in that room. His condition doesn't seem so bad."

Rui looked behind Toya. The hall was dark, dimly lit, illuminated by the faint light of the fluorescents. It was one of the most isolated places in the hospital.

“Ah, well… That's good…” he mumbled, forcing a smile. “I won't keep you up if you're leaving. Night, Aoyagi.”

With that, Rui started walking in the direction of the hall. Toya didn't bother questioning, or was too tired to, so he simply went to prepare to leave since his shift had already ended.

He walked, slowly, getting more and more closer to the room. The hall was ominous, eerie, as though it was a rotten part of an abandoned building. The storm was still ongoing. Windows were wet and foggy outside, making it even harder to try and recognize the surroundings of the rather isolated hospital.

Once he was in front of the room, Rui wanted to take a look inside from the window. He wanted to. But could he? He didn’t want to feel fear while doing something so simple as looking inside a room.

The orange-haired boy was sitting on his bed, his back facing Rui who was observing the room quite hesitantly. He gulped. The boy… He was frozen in place. Rui’s breath hitched at the ambience of the room. The light above wasn’t the brightest, doing little to help look around the surroundings.

Rui leaned in closer to the window. He looked down beside Akito, to the disorganized and messily thrown around pills. Then he made the mistake of staring directly at Akito, his posture, how he was quietly watching the droplets hit his windows. Rui slowly lowered his hands from the window. Just as he was about to give up and leave, he was met with the piercing gaze of the patient, staring deep and intense into Rui’s yellow irises.

It had been a week since Kohane left her room.

She had promised herself that rather than getting recovered from this severe illness, she would rot in a hospital bed and die. She had already thought many times of jumping off the window in her room when it was Toya’s day off, but she stayed, solely for a certain someone.

“Kohane, I’ve brought your breakfast!”

An exclaimed with an outburst of joy as she opened the door wide to Kohane’s room. She had a tray of food in hand, looking happier than usual. Without a specific patient to take care of, she was one of the greatest nurses in the hospital, but Kohane was the one she liked serving and taking care of the most.

“Shiraishi… you didn’t have to….”

“Eat up before your arms turn into literal sticks! I’m not letting you rot in here, got that?!”

“She’s too energetic… Okay, I will eat… thank you.” 

Kohane forced a smile as she grabbed the tray handed to her by An. Then she couldn’t help but ask;

“Do you know if Dr. Aoyagi’s coming today…? Yesterday, he told me something about taking care of someone else…”

“Aoyagi? Hmm… I guess I might’ve heard something about him supervising a guy… I didn’t think much about it, though. Let’s just hope he doesn’t neglect you while he’s at it,” An winked, which made Kohane let out a small laugh.

“Hey, you’ve been keeping your inhaler by your side at all times, right? We don’t want you having an issue or anything.” An quickly reminded the blonde. It was a serious topic for the both of them, but An always considered it more important than anything, even if she herself wasn’t the one suffering from asthma.

“Yes, I have… It’s not that bad, really… My last crisis was months ago.”

“Doesn’t mean you’re not gonna have it any other second! You must still be careful!”

The events in room 380 were the same as usual, An scolding Kohane about things she hadn’t even done, just to ensure she was at least physically completely healthy.

Akito sat motionless on his bed, waiting for his oh-so-beloved psychologist to arrive. He was taking his sweet time and Akito didn't like it. 

He already did a good job hiding the pills that had been scattered over his bed last night. Not his fault that they have such disgusting side effects, Akito can't be blamed for not wanting to take them if it wasn't for Toya.

No sooner had he heard the door opening, than he immediately sat up straight and looked to see him. He was finally there, looking the most handsome as usual.

“Good morning, Akito. Have you had breakfast?”

His soft-spoken voice echoed in the small room yet again as he approached the chair beside Akito's bed. He was wearing that same smile as yesterday, an even brighter one, if you asked Akito.

“I… well… I have…” Akito lazily mumbled under his breath. His eyes followed as the doctor walked past the bed and sat down next to him on the same chair.

“Have you really?”

He looked down, fiddling with his fingers nervously. Since when had his lies become so obvious?

Toya chuckled. “You wait here. I'll go get something for—"

“No, wait.”

Akito was quick to deny him when he grabbed Toya's wrist as soon as he stood up. It was something that just happened to be out of Akito's control. It took him a few seconds to realize how stupid he must've looked, so desperately clinging to him like a dog.

He quickly let go of him. “I-I mean… You don't have to, I'm full. And you were already late… I'd rather spend more time with you.”

Toya looked down at his hand when Akito let it go. Looking at the olive eyes, the submission and desperation were practically begging Toya to do anything but go.

“Guess there's no convincing you.” He sighed and sat back down.

“Sorry about being late… I have a patient who suffers from asthma, so I had to do a double check on her today. But it probably won't happen again, okay?”

Akito felt like all the blood on his body had just been drained completely.

Toya had other patients… Of course he did. Other people he had to take care of, not just Akito. How stupid he was, thinking he was special enough to have Toya only supervising him.

“You… have other patients…” he mumbled, mostly to himself. “It's okay. I don't mind you being late.”

He didn't mind Toya being late. Bullshit. He suffered even greater every second Toya wasn't by his side. When he wasn't telling him it was going to be okay, that Akito was strong enough to overcome all his disorders, or listening to him ramble about something traumatic again. Hell, he even craved moments like when he pretended to be asleep just because Toya would stay by his side and lightly caress his hair.

“I'm sorry if I made you feel down, Akito. Please don't think I purposefully avoided you or anything. You know I would've come earlier if I had the chance.”

Toya explained himself even if he didn't even need to. Akito blamed himself for that.

“No… I understand.”

He forced a smile to his face, just so Toya wouldn't be upset.

But Toya wasn't stupid.

Akito's eye bags, the way they were forming a purple circle around his eyes, and how his olive eyes stared directly at the doctor almost disturbingly was impossible to ignore.

Toya remained silent, shaking his head. He sat back down, Akito's gaze following him—then he started preparing to note all the questions he was about to ask him.

“Well then… Tell me, Akito,” he adjusted his glasses, “How have you been feeling for the past week? Any improvements to what we had talked about?”

Akito could swear he had felt that second question coming. He didn't want to have even a word about it. He detested the topic.

But he couldn't lie to Toya. Not him.

He subconsciously grasped the sheets over his legs.

“No…” he uttered, failing to hide the shakiness in his tone. “It’s gotten worse. I don't want to listen to her. She keeps talking to me.”

He paused for a brief moment, still clutching the sheets as he watched a tear slip down his cheek onto the fabric. It hadn't even been a minute and he could already feel his throat being knotted.

Toya silently watched Akito cry it out, putting down some quick notes. He gave him time—as he knew that if Akito was tearing up, especially so quickly, it was a sensitive topic for him. He knew that Akito wasn't one to show vulnerability.

“Your sister?” Toya almost whispered. He knew very well what kind of role she played in Akito's mind, or his overall condition.

Akito subtly averted his gaze. 

“Yes… her again.” he said quietly. He couldn’t face Toya, not when he was in this condition. 

“What does she tell you?” Toya asked in his usual soft tone. He didn’t want to force Akito to face him.

Akito inhaled a deep, shaky breath. His knuckles abruptly reached up to wipe his tears rolling down.

“She’s telling me that… that I killed mom. She keeps repeating that. I didn’t fucking kill mom! I would never… I… Why would I do such a thing?!”

His voice raised involuntarily as he recalled his "sister’s" sayings. All of them were coming back to him now, preoccupying his brain all over.

Toya’s eyebrows raised. This was definitely a concerning issue.

“Akito…” he started, putting a gentle, reassuring hand on the ginger one’s back. “This has been happening for long now, hasn’t it? But this is your first time being so openly explaining to me about it. You do realize that if it’s gotten worse, you mustn’t push away the help, don’t you?”

Akito raised his head to see the doctor while also still wiping his tears. Toya was observative. 

He only stared blankly as he waited for him to continue. The fatigueness in his eyes was clear as day.

“You know that I’m here to attend to you. So please, don’t be so obstinate on keeping it all to yourself. I would never judge you for being honest with me, even if it means showing weakness in your case. In fact, it helps me more when you open up to me like this.” 

Toya smiled again. It was too much for Akito. He felt as though Toya was pulling his heart out from his ribcage, breaking all the bones. And it was caused by that damn smile.

But also, it meant that Toya loved him. He cared a lot for Akito. He always wished what was best for him. Tried to cure him back to sanity. So… Toya must like him back. He was probably just waiting for the right moment to confess.

Chapter Text

Mafuyu pushed her resignation letter forward on Kaito’s desk, glaring down at him.

“I want to resign.” she said, quiet and blunt. She knew that it was no such way to talk to one's boss but she simply didn't care.

Kaito didn't even bother raising his head from the desktop before him. His slender fingers continued hovering over the keyboard keys, busy with something Mafuyu wasn't able to see.

She sighed in irritation. It was the manager’s ordinary manner, yet it never failed to piss off the nurse.

“I said; I wish to resign, Mr. Shion.” She raised her voice just slightly, placing her fingers on the letter and pushing it even closer in order to emphasize what she had come here for. She had never been able to stand this man and his disgusting face to begin with.

Once Kaito finally felt like facing Mafuyu, he looked up, his dark blue eyes boring into hers.

With a scoff, he reached for the letter. He took the paper out of the case very slowly and began reading it, occasionally diverting his eyes upwards to face the nurse. Her hands were in fists while she awaited a response. 

Kaito eventually stopped reading halfway through the letter. He looked as if he didn't take Mafuyu seriously at all, with the way he looked almost mocking.

“‘Weird things happening all around the ward’? Seriously? This is all you could come up with as an excuse to resign?” 

He put the paper down, looking up at her with a piercing, almost judging gaze. Mafuyu seemed just as annoyed, if not more.

“You need to listen to me. I'm telling you that there's something wrong with this place. If you're not willing to do anything, at least let me resign.”

Kaito leaned forward on the desk, his eyebrows furrowed. He held the letter up as if asking Mafuyu whether she was being serious. “Do something against what? Nonexistent killings in the ward? This is ridiculous. Don't come to me again with your own stupid speculations. If you resign as well, we're going to have a serious decline in nurses.”

“The others also had the same reasons for resigning! They were all scared of the same thing, but found other excuses because you wouldn't let them if they spoke up like me. If you don't listen–”

Cutting her speech, Kaito tore off the piece of paper right in front of her like it was nothing. He stood up slamming his hands on the desk. “I'm not gonna lose another employee just because all of you decided in consensus that you'd make something up and resign! It's doing nothing but damaging the hospital's reputation!”

Mafuyu’s eyes widened at the expected, but frustrating action of the manager. Her fists tightened even more.

“You..! You only care about the money you make, don't you!? I wouldn't expect any less from someone as greedy as you, anyway.”

With nervousness written all over her face, Mafuyu made for the door, and shut it close as she left. She couldn't believe she was still going to work in this hell of a ward in that her manager was an asshole, and she had no solid proof regarding her suspicions.

Kaito did nothing but watch her leave. He rubbed his forehead with another scoff, glancing down at the letter he had just torn apart.

The same night, Akito jolted awake in cold sweat after a horrifying nightmare.

As his bloodshot eyes gazed up at the ceiling in the dark, he immediately felt how his hands were clenched on his sleeping body. His grip had been so tight that when he finally unclenched and raised them to have a look, his palms were streaked with red, raw marks from his own fingernails.

He must've had a terrible nightmare indeed. However, he couldn't recall a single thing.

“It's probably something about Ena again…” thought Akito, brushing it off as something related to his mentally ill state. He tried to go back to sleep, since there was barely any light emitting from the window. It was probably still late.

Yet much as he tried to shut his eyes and fall back asleep, it was no use.

He sat up on the bed. Now that he thought about it, he wouldn’t be lying if he said he absolutely loathes his pathetic illness. It never ceased to give him this obnoxious feeling of being watched constantly, no matter what he’s doing. 

Since there weren't many entertaining activities to do in his cold and dark room when he had been woken up by a nightmare in the middle of the night, he decided on taking a walk in the empty hallway. Maybe it would take his mind off things, or maybe he would see him, but no, he didn’t work a night shift today…

Regardless, he stepped out of the room. He didn’t rush as he walked, deliberately avoiding looking at the windows as he knew the pitch black weather outside would make him even uneasier. He put on his hood, heading wherever the dim lights took him.

As he got deeper into the hall, he began hearing the faint sound of someone making a noise in the distance. Were they singing? He couldn’t help but be intrigued, yet he couldn’t decide in a good or bad way. Maybe there wasn’t really anyone, and it was his brain playing tricks on him again.

The more he walked, the closer he felt he was getting to the source. He was now in a completely different hall than that of his room, the fluorescents here were repeatedly flickering, making it even harder for one to see and walk without bumping into obstacles. Probably just round that corner, they were–

“Oh, hi! Were you also not able to sleep?”

The girl, who seemed to have appeared out of literally nowhere, startled Akito so hard his heart might've skipped a few beats. He could swear that the sound he had heard was farther away from wherever the girl appeared.

“…What are you doing here? You look like a kid.” he spoke coarsely to the girl as he shoved his hands in his hoodie pockets.

“What?! I’m an adult, just a short one!” she seemed almost irritated, but then her eyes sparkled out of nowhere again. “Did you hear my singing? I’m pretty good at it, aren’t I?!”

“So it was you…” Akito averted his eyes, pondering, “Yes, I did.”

The shorter girl looked up at Akito’s face. Noticing his tense expression, she frowned. She couldn’t help but call him out.

“Hey, you look so pale. And you keep sulking… I think a smile would look much better on you!” she cheered, reaching out to the corners of his mouth with her index fingers to make him smile.

Akito, startled by the sudden movement, pushed her hands away reflexively.

“The fuck–? Let go!”

The girl put her hands down. For a moment, neither of them spoke. She glared at Akito, who gulped while facing her intense gaze. He hadn’t meant to come off so mean… Now the look she had on her face was just eerie. It didn’t last long, though.

In a matter of seconds, she was smiling widely again.

“Well, whatever! I consider you a friend now! Let’s exchange names, I’m Emu!”

Akito looked down at the girl’s extended hand. He couldn’t believe he was scared of some short, pink-haired girl. Maybe the nightmare earlier had essentially affected his subconscious, made him more fearful and anxious than he already was.

He reached out his own shaky hand to grab hers, then spoke. “I’m… Shinonome.”

“Okay, Shinononome! Yeah, it sounds amazing!” she exclaimed happily as she shook Akito’s hand with both of hers.

“You’re adding too many syllables…” Akito grumbled.

Emu laughed, letting go of his hand. Then she started rambling about how she was Rui’s patient and how smart he was or whatever, to which Akito didn’t really bother listening… Until he noticed her face drop again. 

“What now?” he asked in a more stressed tone.

“Oh no, Shinonome… He’s behind you…” she spoke, the focal of her gaze being Akito’s back directly. She was looking over there with her pupils trembling and without tearing her gaze even once. 

Akito’s eyes went wide, “What? Who?!” he panicked, looking behind himself quickly. His heartbeat got more rapid as he felt the blood rush all over his body and tense his muscles in a matter of seconds.

When he turned back around, Emu was gone.

“Huh..? Emu!?” he called out to her, running in whichever direction. His eyes darted everywhere around to spot the girl, which appeared to be quite impossible since the lighting in this corridor was too low and she was nowhere to be seen.

“Emu! Emu, if this is your idea of a joke, it’s fucking stupid!” he shouted, without a single care in the world about waking the other patients. He gulped anxiously, his body having been trembling for the past 15 seconds just now hitting him. He really shouldn’t have gotten out of that room.

It was 6.50 in the morning. The isolated hospital grounds were lightening, accompanied by birds chirping, the cool winter breeze mimicking the sound of a whistle. Tsukasa was in the cafeteria, sipping on his morning tea while skimming through the pages of his novel. He was oddly calm in contrast to his typical loud and energetic self.

His reading was interrupted by the light sounds of footsteps approaching. Strange, not many doctors were working a morning shift today. Though he was relieved after recognizing the familiar face.

“Good morning, Tsukasa. May I sit?” Toya asked, placing his hand on the chair opposite.

Tsukasa nodded quickly, smiling wide and proud, “Well if it isn’t one of my absolute favorite colleagues! Of course, you may!”

Toya chuckled softly. Tsukasa’s lively personality was slowly coming out again after encountering someone he knew—no matter how early it was.

Toya pulled the chair and sat down. He noticed the book, which he wanted to ask what it was about, until Tsukasa set it down without even bookmarking the page.

“I sure wasn't expecting to come across you so early! Is something up, or is it your usual routine?”

Tsukasa asked, taking another sip of the warm tea. He was loud, obviously he was, but not as loud as he usually would be. Toya also couldn't help but notice the bags under his eyes.

“No, it's just my new routine… Especially since this week is going to be filled with more workload than usual.”

“I see! I see…” Tsukasa nodded again, this time fully finishing the tea in the glass cup. He also rubbed his eyes as he yawned. Toya raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“Tsukasa, are you tired? You look like you haven't slept one bit.”

Tsukasa’s eyes fell down at the cover of the book he had just put down. He let out a deep sigh, supporting his chin with his palm, a frown tugging at his lips. He didn't answer for a few seconds as if deciding whether to tell Toya what was up.

“Well, don't worry about me not sleeping, I'll be fine. But you see…” he stopped, his voice low and cautious. Then he continued, “Rui has been nagging me about something lately…”

Toya blinked when hearing Rui’s name. He recalled the last time he had coincided with him. That time when he had just finished his shift with Akito, and was about to leave when they came across. He had been acting pretty weird, but Toya had brushed it off at the time. Rethinking about it also raised his suspicions of Rui.

“Kamishiro? What about him? Is something wrong?” he asked, leaning forward just slightly on the table.

“The thing is, I…” Tsukasa faced down again. He faced both his palms, biting his lower lip nervously. “I have never seen Rui act so… anxious. It's just recently but he's constantly on-guard. When I ask him, he says it's just his usual self but I can tell something is up. He won't tell me what it is no matter how much I ask him.”

Toya’s eyes widened slightly as he listened to Tsukasa. So it wasn't just him. He felt the need to explain what had happened earlier that day.

“Well, actually he was also…” he started, but his speech was interrupted by a Tsukasa who stood up abruptly.

“Ah, I need to go! My patient's almost awake!” he exclaimed, grabbing his phone and book and hurrying out of the cafeteria. Toya remained seated with his lips parted mid-sentence. He sighed, watching the older doctor slowly disappear into the stairwell.

As Tsukasa walked up the stairs, he gradually slowed down his steps. The room he was headed to was on the second floor, which wasn't a long walk but he was already exhausted after having stayed almost all night up.

Once he was in front of the room, he almost knocked, but his fist froze midair as he recognized the voices inside. It was Mafuyu, the nurse always together with his patient, Kanade.

“…but I would’ve insisted more if it wasn’t for you. Now the only reason I still work here… is you.” Mafuyu said, her voice somehow even more monotonous than usual. 

“Mafuyu…” Kanade started, but her throat felt too knotted to continue.

“Kanade, don’t worry... okay? I’m not going anywhere… not yet.”

Tsukasa processed the conversation in his mind for a good 10 seconds before he woke up to the fact that he had basically just eavesdropped on them. He mentally slapped himself, taking a deep breather before knocking on the door and opening it slowly.

He didn't mind the presence of the nurse as he walked in, knowing that his patient would often feel at ease with her.

“Morning, Kanade, Asahina.”

He forced a smile at both women despite the visible exhaustion on his face, and confusion from what he had heard. He closed the door slowly and took his seat beside Kanade’s bed.

“Oh, Dr. Tenma… Good morning…” Kanade who was sitting upright on her bed spoke nervously, glancing at Mafuyu who was just standing there with Kanade’s reports in hand. She avoided looking at Tsukasa.

Without saying a single thing, Mafuyu turned around and walked out of the door. If she wasn’t alone with Kanade, she didn’t want to be around her at all.

Meanwhile, Toya who had ordered a coffee for himself was checking patient reports, oblivious to the pair of green pair of eyes which had been watching him ever since he had walked in to sit together with Tsukasa.

Chapter Text

Starting from early in the morning, Akito thought of as many ways as he could in order to make himself look his most handsome. Maybe his prettiest, even.

He had an appointment with Toya today. Although in his case, calling it merely an “appointment with his doctor” would be very insulting—an understatement. Every time he got the opportunity to see Toya and vent to him now, he would consider it a date. He’d never actually been on a date in his life, but they were two people who liked each other after all, weren’t they? Individuals who have crushes on each other would have dates to get to know one another more. And that was exactly what Toya did with Akito, diving into his feelings to learn more about him. He was so considerate that he even helped Akito recover.

So, Akito began getting ready for his date. He’d been looking his absolute worst for the past few days, and the more he thought on it, the more embarrassed he got. He couldn’t believe he’d let Toya see that side of him—ugly and pathetically crying. He promised himself that he’d never let that happen again.

A thought popped into his head while he held the hair tie with his teeth, pushing his orange strands backwards to form a small ponytail behind. What kind of a partner did Toya like? Would he want them to be a hot and high-sex-driven person, or did he like pretty faces and easily flustered people like himself? Maybe his tastes differed in men and women.

Akito faced himself in the mirror.

He wasn’t looking terrible, at least not as much as he did that day. In fact, he might actually be looking his best for the last couple of months. He’d picked a different hairstyle intentionally, knowing Toya was probably sick of seeing his hair all messy and unkempt consistently. He grabbed the hair tie from his teeth and wrapped it around the ponytail. There, now it looked much better.

He checked the clock. 1.55 pm. Toya would usually be on time and arrive earlier, but maybe he had more things to do and was running late today. Akito pitied him, really. All the heavy tasks were being loaded on him, and Toya could only spare little time for himself. That was all Akito's way of thinking, though…

Had he sat on his bed and prepared to switch into his “obedient patient” position, did the door to his room open completely, revealing someone who wasn’t Toya.

“Good evening, Shinonome.” Rui entered, shutting the door behind him immediately. Judging by the tilt of his head to the side and how a grin played on his lips, he for sure knew that he wasn’t the one Akito had been hoping to see.

Meanwhile, Akito remained still, his breath caught in his throat. The fury that he had felt earlier while trying on various outfits to show himself off for Toya, yet failing to choose one that looked perfect, was resurfacing.

He abruptly stood up, the metal necklaces making a clunking sound as they collided against one another. His hands were in fists as he sent death glares to the taller doctor. Worst part was, he recognized him. Very well, actually.

“…Why are you here?” he barked, voice shaking with rage.

“Oh, hostile as always, aren’t you?” Rui giggled playfully. His hands were in his cardigan’s pockets. He stepped further, and so did Akito.

“Where’s Toya?” was the first thing Akito uttered, trying his best not to pounce at Rui right then and there and suffocate him to death.

Rui averted his gaze. He knew that the longer he avoided the question, the angrier Akito would grow. 

“Hey, relax. I’m not here to interrogate—“

Akito grabbed him firmly by the collar, snapping back at him, “Where’s he?!”

Rui was startled by how quickly and vigorously Akito moved. He was acting as though Rui’d just admitted that Toya would never love him back or something.

After a brief moment of staring at his face, Rui grabbed Akito’s wrists and sighed. “He’s busy with another patient of his. He was worried you’d have to wait too long for him if he couldn’t make it, so I chose to pay you a visit on his behalf. And wow, it really is you…”

There was a pause between Rui’s words as he seized Akito up and down, then continued, “Akito, what… ‘family murderer’ Shinonome?”

Akito froze in place after hearing the name which he had just been called.

His grasp on Rui’s collar unclenched itself. His hands fell by his sides, visibly shaking—intensely and uncontrollably. 

“What…”

He tried to form the sentence, but couldn’t go on.

He held Rui’s gaze, pupils dilated in shock, lips parted, knees slowly buckling. He looked distraught, almost. Rui wasn’t supposed to…

He stepped back, once, twice, until he hit the bed and stumbled. His eyes stayed down, but never once focused on a certain something. They kept darting around, while Akito tried to steady his breathing. He wanted to erase Rui out of his vision.

He was nauseous. The memory was too vivid for Akito to remember, yet also one that would never burn down completely. His palm shot up to cover his mouth as if the vomit in his throat was on the verge of coming out.

“Don’t talk to me. I’m not giving you a single word.” he spoke beneath his hand, ensuring his words reached the doctor and they were clear, despite how shaky they came off. His nails frictioned against his pants.

Rui didn’t say a thing, watching Akito, a deep frown and an uneasy expression making its way to his face.

An had been waiting outside of Kohane’s room for a little too long now.

At first, she had knocked and checked on her, but seeing Toya inside who needed some privacy with his patient, she respected and put her head back outside. She thought she could wait until Toya left, but it was taking too long, and An was slowly getting concerned by their conversations inside. It wasn't that Toya was being weird or anything, but his words to Kohane today felt entirely different than usual.

“I saw you very tired today, and figured you needed some extra company.” An recalled Toya saying, followed by Kohane's speech, but she couldn't remember that one. Then another one of Toya’s lines echoed in her mind:

“I don't mind staying up late beside you if it means I get to see you recover.”

It was probably just An overthinking. Well, even if it was the way that she assumed it to be, there was nothing for her to do.

As she eavesdropped on their continued chatter and the thoughts started getting more and more complicated in her mind, An decided to leave. She could return later if Kohane was too busy with her doctor anyway.

She turned around, looking down at her feet. She was about to storm off frustratedly before she flinched at the rough hand on her shoulder.

“Is Toya in here?”

The question lingered right next to her ear which caused her to freak out momentarily. She glanced over her shoulder, seeing a taller, orange-haired guy. An didn't have to be a genius to figure out that, for some reason, he was far more pissed off than her.

“Oh… yeah, he is.” she replied, growing a bit anxious after noticing he was practically fuming in anger.

Akito loomed over An, observing her nervous expression. He didn't answer, as he only leaned closer to the door and placed his ear on it.

Seeing that, An felt the need to warn him—but she didn't want to alert the two inside so she was quiet; “Hey, eavesdropping is mean, you know!”

“That's also what you were doing just now.” murmured Akito, his gaze piercing through hers.

An groaned in irritation. She crossed her arms, looking away.

As Akito shamelessly took in their muffled voices inside, he got the urge to break down the door as a whole and barge in. How dare she speak so closely of Toya like he was some kind of romantic interest? Toya only liked Akito that way. He was Akito’s.

To his chance, he didn’t appear to be the only one jealous.

Akito tore his ears away from the door and turned to face An again. He watched her face closely, then spoke slowly with a cunning undertone.

“You like her, don’t you?” he said, his words certain and unwavering as though pinpointing exactly what An’s problem was.

The nurse gasped, immediately attempting to refute the assumption, “What!? That’s ridiculous! Why would I—“

“Quiet.” Akito shushed her by placing his index finger on her lips. He started dragging her elsewhere, while An remained dumbfounded by how this guy figured it out just by looking at her expression.

After they were in a more secluded spot where neither Toya nor Kohane would hear them, Akito spoke.

“I’m sorry, but you were not hiding anything while staring so longingly at that door.”

An frowned, her cheeks slightly flushed by how stupid she must’ve looked. She didn’t reply, so Akito continued.

“You know, I like Toya, too. So the feeling’s kinda mutual. That’s also partly how I inferred it.”

As Akito said that, a genuinely upset smile replaced his grin before it returned to its place. Meanwhile An was faced with yet another shock.

“You… like Toya?” she asked, looking up at him as she placed a hand on her chest.

Akito simply nodded. After that, he didn’t need to try anything extra to get her to speak up.

“Kohane’s asthmatic… and she’s also been depressed ever since I started my job here. I’ve always been the closest to her, even before Toya. But then…”

She paused briefly, her voice slowly turning into a more shaky tone. Even if she wasn’t done yet, Akito could tell she was in a situation similar to his own.

“Anyway… it’s her birthday in a week. I was initially planning on confessing to her on her birthday, but… after hearing Toya and her speaking like that today, I…”

Akito’s curiosity piqued at that. It was the asthmatic freak’s birthday in a week. He began pondering on it, until a plan started taking shape in his mind. He covered his lips with his knuckles to not make his triumphant smirk seen.

“I think… you still have the chance to confess to her. That way, maybe I can also have Toya, and it works in the favor for both of us, no?”

An took in Akito’s expression. She hesitated slightly before answering, “Hey, um… you look kinda creepy with that face… and are you sure? What if she rejects me?”

“What if she doesn't? This might be your chance. I'd never miss it and let her get even closer to Toya if I were you.” said Akito as the corners of his lips extended in a grin.

An gulped nervously. He was right—this may actually be her one and only chance. If she wanted Kohane that much, she would go and say it herself.

“You're right…” she mumbled. Her hand gripped her own collar as she considered the possibility of Kohane actually liking her back. Maybe it was the one thing she needed to recover.

Akito bit his lower lip with joy, holding back the urge to let the smirk stretch on his lips. He glanced down at the nurse's name card.

“Then… Let's celebrate Kohane's birthday together, An Shiraishi.”

A few hours had passed since Akito concluded that idea with An. He was now in his room, the window wide open as he rested his elbows on the sill while taking slow drags from his cigarette.

He could hardly believe how easy it had been—using someone she liked as a trap against the nurse. Now all he had to do was to watch the show unfold, save for his own special touch in the climax.

His gaze didn’t falter from the horizon. He was a bit late for the sunset, though, since the last of the sun’s rays were gradually dissolving and the night sky was supplanting the evening view.

It reminded him of Toya and himself, how the dark blues were taking over the oranges.

Then he recalled the events of the day, which was a lot and not very satisfactory.

Rui being back may have been the worst thing possible to him in this ward. But no, a way worse case had already been born. And it was a person, more accurately in Akito’s case, an obstacle; something that stood in the way between him and his beloved.

He exhaled the smoke with a slight tremble of his breath. Afterwards, his hands also began trembling hysterically. Whatever she had said to Toya was unacceptable. She had no right to be the one Toya cared more for. No right to stay longer by Toya’s side, to make him laugh, to see him smile, to be cured by him. No right to live.

Kohane had to go.

Akito leaned further out the window—looking downward at the hospital grounds.

His room faced the back of the building, and so did Kohane’s. Except hers was two floors above. She would instantly die if he were to push her off.

He couldn’t help but giggle at the thought. No one would even notice if he’d gone and did it right now, but dying by falling wouldn’t hurt at all—hence why he had a more brilliant plan.

As her soft laughter echoed in Akito’s mind, he grasped the stick even tighter in hand. He crushed the whole thing with his fist without even putting it out. It seared his skin, causing him to grunt low from the throat.

Then the door to his room parted slightly.

“Akito..?” the voice cooed. Akito’s eyes went wide.

He turned around swiftly. Then he instinctively reached to adjust his hair, only to wince in pain due to the burn. He used his free hand to cover the fresh wound on his palm.

Toya stepped in slowly at first—but alarm flashed his eyes as he drank in the uneasiness and pain in Akito’s face.

He hurried over and grabbed Akito’s hand. “What happened? Let me see.”

Akito tried to pull his hand away, not wanting Toya to see but it was too late. His timing was seriously the worst. Toya’s eyes shot wide while observing the scorched skin.

It took him a short while, but Toya managed to find a first aid kit. He looked like an angry mother who was treating her child’s wounds after a fall, except Akito’s palm appeared far worse than a simple trip.

“Why weren’t you more careful? Besides, I’ve already mentioned multiple times that it's prohibited to smoke in your room. It’ll trigger the smoke detectors.” Toya basically scolded Akito, wrapping the bandage around his palm as he clicked his tongue.

Akito; however, was in a whole nother state.

He’d never had Toya so close to him before. Sure, there had been moments he’d fallen asleep when he was by his side, but he was unconscious during then—they didn’t count.

This was the longest Toya stayed near him, especially while touching a body part of his.

Toya was obviously being as gentle as he could with him so as to not worsen the burn, the soft tips of his fingers sliding across Akito's scar sending goosebumps down his spine. The fatigue from the long day in his eyes only made him look prettier under the moonlight.

There was an ache in Akito’s body, and it wasn’t on his hand.

Each time Toya tugged on the end of the bandage with his mouth while his delicate fingers brushed on Akito’s hand, he would also feel this trail of heat rushing down his lower abdomen. He bit his lower lip in order to suppress any moan—not from the pain, but from the doctor’s touch.

His free hand had been gripping the edge of the bed, nails digging in the sheets. If Toya wasn’t gonna be done anytime soon, he might rip off the whole thing. At some point, he even might’ve felt his eyes roll back into his head.

“T…Toya… How much left..?” he whimpered, his cheeks flushed with the sweat glistening on top.

“I’m almost done… Does it hurt much?” asked Toya, his eyes still fixed on Akito’s hand before him.

Akito gulped. Legs trembling with the throbbing bulge between them, he could merely nod, as he couldn’t say something like “No, it doesn’t hurt but I’m about to come in my pants.”

Thankfully, Toya was done before that happened. Akito wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his free hand.

“Better now?” Toya looked up at Akito, his grey irises resting on the green ones. He subtly caressed the bandaged spot to ease the pain that might’ve lingered, which only made things worse in Akito’s case. He felt the twitch on his dick like it had just spread across his whole body. God, he was such an embarrassment—but fuck if it didn't feel good.

“Yes… T…hanks…” he managed to mutter. He squeezed his shaking legs together so that Toya wouldn't notice the growing hardness and pool of warmth.

After he finally came to his senses, Akito decided to change the topic.

“W…Why didn't you come here today? 

Toya paused while gathering the tools of the kit after hearing the question. He knew that he had neglected Akito for too long today, and Akito certainly didn't like when he was ignored.

“Well, my patient was…”

“Actually, don't explain.”

Akito chimed in. Toya saw that the redness was slowly diminishing, a more disappointed expression replaced his previous embarrassed face.

“I've already heard it myself.” he mumbled, averting his eyes from Toya.

Toya didn't seem to understand at first. He put the kit aside, but remained on the chair he was sitting on. He raised a curious eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

Akito went silent. He intertwined his fingers with one another, eyes half-lidded with the precise hint of lunacy in them. His breath came off sharp and bitter as he admitted,

“I don’t like when others are too close to you.”

Toya blinked. He was utterly confused, but that moment didn’t last long. He visibly started showing signs of dread throughout his body after processing Akito’s sentence. 

“Akito, that’s…” he sighed, “Are you gonna be mad at me now that I missed one of our sessions? I’ve already told you I wouldn’t…”

Toya couldn’t register at first, but he felt a rough tug at his collar. Then came the sensation of something not so familiar, right on top of his lips—crushing them mercilessly.

Akito was kissing him.

Toya’s first instinct was to attempt to push him by the chest, which seemed to have surprisingly fueled the intensity of their—no, Akito’s kiss even further. The feverish blush from earlier reborned on Akito’s cheeks. Toya, still trying to break free from the mouth beneath his which was almost eating him up, grunted uncomfortably.

The sleeve of his coat instantly reached his lips to wipe off the small but warm saliva once Toya managed to pull away. Akito’s breath hitched at the loss. The softness of Toya’s lips somehow hardened Akito even more—if it was possible, even after such a short duration of 10 seconds.

Toya stood up, adjusting his shirt back into place. “What was that about? Why have you been acting like this? It feels like I’m dealing with a different Akito than the one who first came here.”

Akito frowned, still breathless, a stinging heartbreak dwelling in his chest. He had only followed the urge that overtook his senses after seeing Toya smile—but apparently that wasn’t the way to go. At least not yet.

“But Toya…” he murmured, pulling his knees to his chest, retreating.

Toya turned sharply, as if ready to condemn him for his action for another round—but stopped short. A sigh replaced his words. He nervously rubbed his temples with the pads of his thumb and middle finger.

“We’ll talk about this later,” Toya said, his voice firm in a kind that left no room for argument. Then he slammed the door with a loud thud as he left.

Akito sat motionless, the room echoing with the sound. He watched the door with a faint smile that tugged at the corners of his lips. He couldn’t resist the impulse which pushed him to lick them clean, savoring the doctor’s taste at last.

“That’s alright…” he muttered, particularly to his alone self. “You’re still too shy for it. Not to worry, I’ll have you crawling out of that shell one way or another.”

Chapter Text

That entire night, Akito couldn’t even pretend to have gone to sleep.

None of the things Toya had said or done—whether it be how he had been so gentle while applying medicine on his scar or how he had spat the words and left instantly after Akito had kissed him—got out of Akito’s mind. He played them in his sick and twisted brain like a broken record. Over and over, and over, and over, then starting over again… His pupils nearly shaped into hearts as it echoed for the hundredth time in his skull.

And after a certain amount of time, it was eventually getting overwhelming. Too overwhelming, that Akito had to do something to fix that.

He hadn’t even sensed it himself when his bandaged hand began treating downward, all the way to his abdomen—then did he come to realize. He never even considered the idea of stopping there, though. Indeed, the consciousness made the whole thing all the more pleasurable.

His eyes lidded halfway—accompanied by the ghostly exhales that left his parted mouth, he began grinning like a man drowned in love and lust.

He let his hand drift dangerously lower—no, he moved it himself. He was in need of some instant relief and was neither afraid nor shy to put it in action. 

A stuttered moan escaped his lips after his palm made contact with the outer line of his bulge. He made sure to use the hand which Toya had treated—Toya touched, brushed his own slender fingers against. Otherwise it would’ve drained the whole purpose.

He laid down on his side, his back facing the door. It wasn't locked—anyone could've casually walked in. But he didn't think anybody would be up and about in the middle of the night, so he continued his shameless work.

He didn't want to go slow, he just couldn't.

He moved his hand back up, then dipped it in his sweatpants. His trembling fingers easily wrapped themselves around his pulsing dick beneath—to which Akito responded with a muffled groan deep from the throat.

The overwhelming heat of precum that had pooled around his tip wasn't all that hard to recognize, as Akito felt it swell through his boxers. Another shaky moan escaped his lips the second he caressed the area with his thumb.

No, that still wasn't enough. If it meant getting himself off while imagining his own doctor, Akito was too far gone to consider the possibility of it being embarrassing or disrespectful. So that's what he did.

He slowly removed his hand again—though this time, he slid it down right underneath his underwear. His breath caught in his throat the moment the cold tips of his fingers made contact with the warm, throbbing flesh.

The back of his free hand reached up to silence the whimpers which he knew were about to leave his mouth louder than before. His thumb circled the swollen tip—red and still coated in precum. The tension was desperately begging to be let out.

“Mmf… fuck…”

The curse left his mouth simultaneously with the pads of his fingers stroking his sensitive, built up cock.

“Toya…”

Images of his psychologist under him—squirming helplessly while pleading for him using that tender, sweet voice of his—began conquering his visual mind without Akito being able to take control over it. Did he complain, though? Not at all. After all, not one thing in the whole wide world could help him cum as easily and pleasantly as Toya. 

If only Akito was given a chance, he could have him see stars and beyond. Toya would simply have to sit there and look pretty while Akito dealt with the whole thing—pleasuring both himself and his beloved sitting tight in his arms. Merely thinking of filling his cute self up as he sat on his cock too stimulated to form a sentence was enough to have Akito nearly climaxing. Oh, Akito could stay the whole night touching himself and imagining how it would be once Toya was finally, finally his—therefore he was getting more and more impatient for the day to come.

After a week had passed, the awaited day finally came at last—March 1st. The day before Akito would strike with no hesitation and finish the act, and also very likely ruin the rest of An’s entire life.

An stood at Akito’s door. “Room 39,” he had emphasized that day, “The one at the very end of the corridor.”

So, with a shrug of her shoulders, An knocked at the door. She couldn’t help the genuine smile that flourished on her lips. Just a few more hours… and she would be rid of all the concerns that had piled up for long in her chest. Finally, she was going to confess to Kohane! The thought both worried and warmed her on the inside, sending a stimulant shiver down her spine.

She was about to lose her mind over those thoughts while waiting for Akito to show up—then the door was slowly parted. Akito reluctantly peeked out as though not expecting her at first, then opened the door wide.

“Oh, hey. It’s you.” he casually said, putting a charming smile on. “I wasn’t expecting you to show up so late. I’d figured you’d want to prepare all the decorations in the morning, but I guess not.”

An laughed softly, barely able to stand still on her feet due to how excited she was.

“Well, that’s what I’d initially planned, too. But I was given some unexpected tasks, so it took longer than expected… I’m free now, though! So let’s not waste a second!”

In a heartbeat, Akito was being dragged away by the nurse. 

She endlessly tugged on his sleeve—despite the complaints thrown by the ginger, until they reached an isolated, out-of-use room of the ward. 

“What is this place..?” Akito thought, eyeing the plate hung next to the door. “Recreation room?”

“Yeah!” An nodded enthusiastically with a huge smile, opening the door and walking in eagerly like she had absolutely no time to waste. “Kaito prohibited entrance after an incident, but it was never locked. He said it’s unnecessary. So I think it might be useful, just for today!”

Akito observed the spacious yet practically empty room. There were only a few old parcels thrown around, save for the unused and dusty wooden tables. It really did appear to not have been used for quite a while.

“An incident, huh…” he whispered under his breath, snickering to himself.

As An approached the decorations she had furtively brought into the room, her cheerful face slowly soured. The excitement clashed with a worry that erupted out of nowhere. She let out a nervous sigh as she turned to Akito.

“You know… I’m really, really excited for Kohane’s birthday… But I also have this obnoxious feeling. What if… something goes horribly? What if Kaito sees this whole thing and gets mad?”

Akito raised an eyebrow, his head tilting to the side in curiosity. He rubbed his chin with his index finger. 

“Get mad? Why would he get mad?”

An leaned against one of the tables, fiddling with her fingers while looking down and frowning.

“I mean… we’re not only using an out-of-service room, but also setting up a whole birthday party in it. I’m worried there’s a chance someone might see and inform him, then…” she bit on her nails in distress, “Ugh, what to do…”

Akito watched the pure anxiety that took over An’s face as she considered the possible outcomes of their actions. He slowly stepped closer, footsteps echoing in the weirdly large room.

“I’m gonna take all the blame if that’s what you’re worried about.” said Akito without hesitation. An looked up at the patient as she tried to distinguish the features of his face in the dark.

“Hold on, don’t tell me…”

Akito chuckled, scratching the back of his head. “Come on, It’ll be fine. I’m just a patient here, anyway. It’s not like I’ll get kicked out if I do something…”

An straightened her posture, sighing at the recklessness he was showing. “If that’s what you think… then whatever. Let’s just hurry up, it’s already past 11!”

Akito’s eyebrows tilted at how quickly she had agreed—then he let out a sympathetic laughter.

“Oh, of course. We don’t have much time left.” he smiled sweetly, obscuring the fact that he was onto a tremendous murder plan with the nurse in front of him being completely oblivious to it.

“So… how do you plan on luring Kohane into this room?” asked Akito, rubbing his chin and watching her as An “did the finishing touches” for the millionth time.

“Great question! I have quite the brilliant plan for that!” An exclaimed happily as she turned to him, eyes sparkling with joy.

“Alright, but I’m also gonna need your help for it. The thing is, I’ve already prepared a note. You only need to put it in her room once I come to pick her up and bring her somewhere! I bet she will be so confused like, ‘An put this here? But she was with me just now’, and then she’s gonna come here at 11.50 because that’s what I had written on the note. What do you think?”

Akito’s curiosity piqued as he tilted his head to the side. He chuckled, hands resting in his pockets as he shrugged. “Fine by me. I just need to come back here after placing the note in her room… or maybe I won’t, if you two need some privacy.”

“Ah, you…” An chuckled awkwardly, “No, you can stay. You’ve been of big help, after all.”

She was, at last, completely done with all the decorations. Even the candles on top of the cake were already lit and waiting to be put out. Her gaze then found Akito’s in the dim light of the candles which illuminated her face in a dark yellow shade.

“Actually… Why did you help me this much? I could’ve done this by myself, but you suggested doing this together in the first place. Just wondering, though… Don’t take it to heart.”

Akito returned the eye contact. His smirk faded into a gentle smile. “Why, you ask? It should be obvious.”

“Because I want Toya. If I got to set you up with Kohane, then Toya would be mine.”

For a couple of seconds, An had no reactions save for a blank stare that appeared out of her will. She then chuckled, “You’re so insane… But what was I expecting after teaming up with a mental ward patient.”

“Oh look, you’re running out of time.” Akito reminded her in an instant after checking his watch. Somehow his voice had changed in a matter of seconds as he sounded more serious, and the former smile had also vanished.

An’s eyes shot wide at the realization, “Oh, right! Quick, come with me!”

She hurried out of the room without even looking over her shoulder and making sure Akito was following. He walked behind her in no rush—the flame inside him barely growing as the whole act was just now beginning.

An was tiptoeing to Kohane’s room with nothing but thrill on her entire face to try and be silent so that the sleeping patients in their rooms wouldn’t wake to her running echoing in the empty halls. Akito followed just as quietly until the two slowed down their steps in front of room 380.

“Alright, so…” An appeared to be barely holding in the internal fever she was experiencing judging by how the note shuddered in her shaky hand. “Take this, and I’ll distract her! Put it somewhere discernible, like her nightstand or something. But hurry, okay?!”

She manually grabbed Akito’s hand and shoved the small piece of paper right on top of his palm, then curled his fingers around it. The latter parted his lips to speak but was shushed by the nurse who waved her hand dismissively as though gesturing at him to walk away and hide, so Kohane wouldn’t notice him once she walked out.

With a knowing although counterfeit smile, Akito nodded and headed somewhere close—in order not to be so far for a sight of the girls. Again, he was in no rush. He wished to savor these moments in which he was able to feel himself innocent enough, as in mere minutes he would commit the same crime he had several years ago.

By the time he arrived at his hiding spot, An had already knocked on the door and was going somewhere with Kohane which Akito was yet to know. He, in fact, had no idea as to what An might have possibly told Kohane that would persuade her to walk out of her room at such a late hour. 

It didn’t matter to Akito, though. If his own plan was ticking—then so was the time.

He ensured that they were far enough for him to walk into the room. An must’ve been too trusting for her own good towards Akito to have him enter her patient’s room just like that with no witnesses on sight. Then again, Akito had made sure from the start that he had acted innocent enough to benefit from the nurse—or have her as an accomplice, maybe.

He sneaked into the room with his primary intentions already known beforehand. Having a once-over of the entire room, there wasn’t much to say that it belonged to a girl like Kohane. Not that Akito knew her personally—he just kind of had this thought that she would be the type of girl to constantly wear cute clothes or something.

Nevertheless, he placidly placed the note that An had given him on the nightstand beside the bed. His eyes darted around—searching for a specific item. Then he began shamelessly opening and messing inside the drawers to find it. A victorious grin stretched across his formerly frowning lips when he had spotted what he was looking for.

The inhaler was shoved straight into the inner pocket of his jacket with Akito walking out as if nothing had happened. The moment for him to strike was so close—and he was impatiently itching for it. 

Kohane sat back on her bed after An escorted her back to her room and left for her own. She had tried to force a small smile on her face as she would always do with An by her side, but now she was being all pouty and upset again.

“Tomorrow… I’m turning 24…” she mumbled almost inaudibly. She lay down on the bed and hugged her legs as she held them close, then noticed the paper on the nightstand that hadn’t been there earlier.

“What’s this..?” she whispered, holding her hand out to grab it. Her bagged eyes observed the familiar handwriting before she read it;

“Dear Kohane,

Please come to the out-of-service and very ominous recreation room at the end of the hall at 11.50 pm. It’ll be worth it, I promise!

–An :)”

She blinked, confused but also unable to ignore the pang of hope that had born in her chest after fully fathoming the corny but considerate note. For the first time in a long while, she felt her lips curl upwards by themselves without her having to force them.

Undoubtedly, it was An, but the certainty also messed with Kohane’s brain.

“An wrote this… but how did she put it here when I was out with her? Maybe it had already been there but I…”

Her monologue was, out of nowhere, cut short by a very sudden and loud thump from right outside of her room. She flinched in her place after the alarming sound—the smile dying down in an instant.

Yet she felt it was best not to pay any mind to it. Right now, there was a more important matter at hand—An might have prepared a whole birthday surprise for Kohane despite Kohane never once mentioning a thing about the topic.

“An… I really don’t deserve you…”

Akito tried to steady his breathing after returning to the recreation room. He had thought that he would be strong enough like how he had been back in the day—but this situation wasn't the same as that. After all, carrying a whole body down a few floors and going back upstairs in only 10 minutes wasn't something anyone could do.

He wiped the sweat off his forehead and waited patiently at the door. At the same time, he was hoping that the stupid girl had taken the bait.

Eventually, when the clock hit exactly 11.52 pm—the door parted slightly with a squeak. A short silhouette stood at the door frame motionless.

“Is… An here?” Akito looked over his shoulder after hearing the question, then turned around with yet another smirk plastered on the lips.

“An, you mean that nurse?”

It wouldn't be incorrect to state that his whole body had been shaking in anticipation. He had dreamt of this exact moment for an entire week—and it was happening, at long last.

Kohane slowly and cautiously stepped inside the huge, unused room. She had almost no eyesight as Akito hadn't turned on a single light ever since they had lit up the candles.

“Yes… the nurse. She wanted me to come here…” spoke Kohane rather shyly, as she was met with the unfamiliar face. “Who are you?”

Akito approached the blonde with calculated steps, stopping a few feet away from her.

“Don't worry about who I am. And about An… she's probably resting somewhere.” he shrugged his shoulders, unbothered by how the concern was surfacing on Kohane’s expression.

“What do you mean ‘resting somewhere’? She called me here herself. I'm sure of it. Did you do something to her?”

Kohane frowned, eyebrows furrowing lightly as she took a few steps further toward him.

“Pfft, what do I look like—a serial killer? I didn't do anything to her,” Akito slicked his hair back, unfazed by the girl's attempt to challenge him.

“Besides, I'd be more worried about myself than her if I were you.”

Kohane paused in her tracks. She grasped her own clothing, trying to make his words make sense in her head. “What… Why do I need to be worried about–”

“Do you like Toya, Kohane?”

His words cut through Kohane's speech like a dagger would on skin. A shocked gasp escaped her mouth while she anxiously fiddled with her trembling fingers.

“What..? No… He's just my doctor…” she attempted to mutter, but the words were tied tight in her vocal cords.

“Answer.”

Akito grabbed her roughly by the collar and slammed her into the wall behind. He wasn't feeling nice, but he felt like being even more of a nuisance to the person who stood in their way with his only love.

Kohane's hands shot up to hold onto Akito’s arms as well, but they were instantly put down. She had never seen anyone look so spiteful right in front of her face in her soon-to-be-24-year-old life.

“You do like him.”

As Akito whispered, the words came out as though they were a bunch of sharp knives thrown Kohane's way. The stress making its way to her lungs was now slowly beginning to tighten them—hardening it to breathe.

“But… W-Why are you telling me this… What's it to you if I like him..?”

She hardly forced the words out of her mouth due to how warm she was starting to feel. She couldn't move her frozen body even an inch no matter how hard she tried.

“What's it to me?” Akito snickered, eyes going wide in disbelief. She couldn't believe this girl held the guts to ask him that. 

“Toya is mine. You don't get to have him. Nobody does. Hence why… you, Kohane, deserve to die.”

The poor girl’s throat was knotted by a pair of rough and nimble hands before she could even try and comprehend the sentence. Her own, weaker ones shot up to grip at them—an attempt to hold onto life in an abrupt moment of shock.

She was about to reach and try to bash his head with something blunt as self defense, yet she found her squirming self knocked over the ground in a heartbeat. What she saw in Akito’s eyes was nothing but pure terror and hatred. What had she done so wrong that she ended up in the hands of the grim reaper?

She was suffocating, nails scratching on the skin of her own neck to enable oxygen intake for her lungs—tears running all the way down the sides of her face until her ears. Then did she realize it was an asthma attack which she hadn’t had for months. 

“My… inhaler…”

Her inner voice cried to her. She didn’t have it with her, there was no way for her to survive this—unless…

“Looking for this?” 

Akito brought the inhaler out of his jacket, holding it midair with a hand while the other remained curled around poor Kohane’s neck.

Her eyes shot wide as if an ounce of life had just flashed in them. Her hand—gradually going paler and paler—reached out for it, eyes so desperate that it was a pitiful sight to see.

Akito, watching her breaking down face, chose to hand her the inhaler. Not that he was being considerate or anything—the actual show was just now getting started.

Kohane was in yet another shock due to Akito handing over what she needed despite him just having told her that she needed to die. Regardless, she grabbed it instantly.

Akito stood up, no longer straddling her waist. He watched with an unreadable gaze as the girl below tried helplessly to save her own life. Her shaky fingers scrambled over the inhaler, clicking several times—yet the soft hiss gave false hope each time.

The relief never came no matter how much she inhaled.

“Wh…huh…”

She shook the inhaler. Slammed it into her hand and pressed again, using the last remains of her breath to inhale the dose from the tool. No nothing—no relief for her lungs, eyes blackening more and more as the seconds ticked. It was impossible. No one could’ve emptied it.

“Aw… Is it empty?”

Akito’s steps had no sounds as he walked back to where she was laying and crouched down. Hints of pleasure disguised as pity in his pupils were too visible to ignore.

Kohane stood no chance from the beginning. She had already been dead before even coming into this room.

“Here, is this it?” then appeared the full canister in his hand, as he had probably hidden it somewhere again. He hovered over her trembling body—the smile of a kindergartner’s playing mockingly on his lips.

Kohane started visibly showing signs of cyanosis throughout her whole being. Her lips dried as the last remains of moisture fled them, creeping down from pale to blue—then an exceedingly concerning shade of violet. The purple drained the light from her skin as it rose like poison beneath. Her nails clawed at Akito’s pants, as if sheer willpower could get her back the full canister, the last hope for her life. It didn’t.

“No. I’m not giving it to you.”

Akito’s words cut through her wheezing, shallow gasps like how oxygen was cut out from her lungs.

“Oh look, there's exactly a minute till it’s your birthday.” he declared monotonously as he checked his watch, completely ignoring the practically lifeless hands that kept tugging on his clothes. He then shoved the girl away with no signs of empathy in his expression whatsoever.

Out of all the feelings which fought for control in her mind before death, the one Kohane acknowledged the most was probably despair.

Akito did nothing but watched as life eventually drained from her eyes. He settled down next to her on the ground, observing how a human being could lose their life if oxygen failed to serve its purpose.

His eyes darted to his watch once more—March 2nd, it read. He covered her eyes with the lids before a quiet utter escaped his frowning lips.

“Happy birthday, Kohane.”

Chapter Text

Heat. An annoying, obnoxious amount of heat. Pipes hissing. A disgusting, metallic smell of steam and rust. And a rock hard ground below her back. That was all An could sense right after waking up. It was hot, like the heat itself was crawling through her veins.

She had been laying unconscious on the hard surface for what—probably minutes, perhaps even hours before eventually parting her eyes. She attempted to process where the hell she was, how she had ended up here, and how it was so hot that she could almost feel her organs melting on the inside and reaching her windpipe.

With a low groan and a horribly aching pain on her back muscles, she managed to sit up. Trying to process her surroundings in the boiler room was quite difficult with how she was throbbing in places she didn’t even know could hurt. Then she remembered.

“Kohane.”

Kohane was—no, Akito was the last person she remembered being with. But she had no memory as to what had happened later on. And this was more urgent than anything else that was probably a topic of concern at the moment.

Her legs worked themselves out of the room. An was on the verge of tears, completely disregarding the probability of herself having been knocked out and carried to the boiler room. To her, nothing but Kohane mattered at that point. She went up the stairs while her mind went through a bunch of different scenarios for what might’ve happened to Kohane.

And she was in front of the recreation room in a matter of minutes.

“Kohane, are you… in there?”

She grabbed the handle and gently opened the door.

After that, it was all black.

Everything was a mess. Her heart thumped loud in her chest, her brain pounding so hard that it was close to shutting down. An was a mess.

Spotting the cold, pale body lying on the floor didn’t help make anything better.

At that exact moment, time froze for An. Everything around her blurred, then vanished into space, until only the blonde girl and her remained.

“Kohane…?”

No, An must’ve been dreaming. She had hit her head while in the boiler room, and this was a nightmare she was stuck in.

The scene before her was anything but real.

It took her a while—she couldn’t really tell how much after momentarily being rid of logic—to realize that she was kneeling, her throat knotted with tears threatening to spill everywhere.

Kohane was cold under An’s hands. So cold, probably colder than when she had a severe fever and An had to make sure she had eaten well in order to recover. But Kohane was well just a few hours ago, so why was she so cold now?

Her hands, uncontrollably shaking and clutching the fabric of Kohane’s sleepwear, later shot up to An’s own face as to slap herself and wake her up. From this terrifying, disgusting nightmare. Why couldn’t she just wake up? This was supposed to be an unreal dream she would never even think of having in the first place.

“No…” An uttered, barely above a whisper, “No, no, no, no…”

She checked Kohane’s pulse after getting out of the trance she was in. Nothing. Checked her eyeballs. Her heartbeat. Her own quickened as seconds passed and signs of her last breath having long left Kohane became more evident.

“No, Kohane…” she choked on her own breath, “Don’t….”

An grasped Kohane’s hands in her own—so tight that it could’ve hurt Kohane if it was any other time, burying her face in her chest. A blood-curdling scream echoed across the room. She hoped Kohane was in a deep slumber and would awake if An screamed loud enough. She just didn’t want to be sure. Didn’t want to accept.

“That’s the killer! I saw her!”

An thought she was hearing things. Yeah, that’s what it probably was. After losing the only patient she truly, genuinely cared about, An was probably going crazy.

She wasn’t.

“Step away from her!” the same voice shouted again—a trembling, terrified tone of voice. A voice which An recognized.

Her breath came out in shallow gasps as she looked over her shoulder. Eyes wide, pupils shaking in terror. She thought that was the worst it could’ve gone, how foolish she was.

“Lady, hands where I can see them.”

Behind her were two men dressed in black, whom she hardly knew. But the other person was someone she recognized all too well.

“…Akito?”

No, this wasn’t the Akito she had grown accustomed to in such a short time. The Akito she was currently facing was gazing upon her like she was the most disgusting creature known to mankind.

“Akito, what’s—“

Before she knew it, both her arms were grabbed by the men and she was being dragged away. It was at that moment that she came to realize.

An had been reckless enough to walk into Akito’s trap herself all the way from the start.

“No! Let go of me! I didn’t do anything—I don’t know anything!”

Dozens of protests left her mouth as she struggled in the men’s grasp, unable to say a single thing without the security cutting her off.

“I didn’t kill her! I would never, I have no reason to! He did it! He’s trying to frame me, you have to listen to me!” 

She was about to snap. She tried pushing the men, screaming, yelling—trying to reach Akito with nothing but fury in her eyes and God knows what kind of intentions.

But no, it was a fun enough sight for Akito. It was the consequences of the nurse’s own actions—in his defense.

The very last thing An laid her eyes on before she was injected tranquilizer was the smirk stretched lazily on Akito’s lips.

“…So you were the only witness?” Mafuyu asked monotonously, rubbing her temples with a tired yawn.

It had been a few hours since the incident, and it was nearing morning. It was all handled at night to ensure no other staff members or patients would know about it—which was again Kaito’s way of ruling. In conclusion, Kohane’s death was covered up in just another quiet night shift.

Akito nodded. He was still wearing the same worried face he had worn since he went to report a corpse to the security—though fatigue was also slowly taking over. They both were doing good at obscuring how happy he was about the whole thing, or so he thought. 

Mafuyu sighed deeply. She should’ve just gone home, because that was probably the worst night shift of her entire career.

She observed Akito from the corner of her eyes. To her, he was awfully calm for someone who had seen a dead body in person just a few hours ago. Then again, they were in a mental ward so maybe it was best not to dig in any further. 

“That could make you a suspect too, you know.” She unintentionally glared.

Akito’s frown didn’t falter a second. Instead he averted his eyes, settling on his bed. “I know,” he mumbled, “But I already told you. I wasn’t taken into custody, because I didn’t do anything. I only saw that nurse while I was passing by and the girl was already dead. My first thought was to inform the guards.”

Mafuyu thought over the series of events once more in her head. Okay, maybe she was too exhausted to think logically—and she wasn’t really a genius but there was something that just didn’t piece together. Something about Akito that she couldn’t quite put a finger on.

Akito’s frown hardened for a brief moment when he caught a glimpse of Mafuyu zoning out. His brows furrowed slightly, and he cleared his throat.

“Aren’t you tired? You were already here the whole night, dealing with the cops and all that. You don’t have to think too much about it. It’s over anyway.”

Mafuyu remained silent. She exhaled, making for the door.

“Rest.” She said, and stepped outside without letting him have any other word.

He was right—Mafuyu was tired as fuck. She had stayed up the whole night helping the police and others who had come to investigate, because who was she other than the manager’s puppet anyway? If Kaito was too much of a coward to go and deal with it himself when a literal murder occurred in his hospital, then of course it would be Mafuyu handling it.

Despite the annoyance, Mafuyu also held a pang of suspicion about the manager. Then the thought was gone as quick as it came. She was thinking too much, both about the patient and Kaito.

She began making her way to the doctor's office. She had already done enough during her night shift, and she didn't have a morning shift either. She was itching to leave the building and have some rest at home.

She parted the door to the office, and instantly regretted doing so.

In front of her was none other than Rui and Tsukasa, who seemed to have taken advantage of the fact that almost no one was around during such an early hour.

Tsukasa was settled a little too comfortably on the huge table, a hand grasping Rui's hair for support while the taller one was on foot between his legs, tugging at his coat as the two kissed with no shame whatsoever. For Mafuyu though, it definitely wasn't an unusual sight to see at 6 in the morning.

They didn't even notice her walking in until she cleared her throat and knocked on the door. Tsukasa was the one who immediately backed up, pushing Rui instinctively as a faint warmth spread across his cheeks. Then Rui also looked over his shoulder with a scoff.

“Apologies for barging in on you… in this state, yet… May I ask how you two are still comfortable enough to do this after what happened?”

Rui took a step back, and Tsukasa got off the table back onto his feet. They shared a look, before Tsukasa turned to Mafuyu.

“...And what happened?” he asked, a mix of worry and confusion in his tone.

Mafuyu raised an eyebrow as she glanced at Rui, a barely visible look of surprise on her face. “Oh… I'm surprised you haven't told him yet.”

Rui slowly placed his hands in the pockets of his coat. He remained silent for a second, pondering—then he met Mafuyu’s gaze. “Is it all covered up?”

“Mostly. It was better off that way without causing too much trouble.”

Tsukasa turned to Rui, grabbing his arm to try and have his attention. “Hey… What's covered up? What are you two talking about?”

“Were there any witnesses? Are we absolutely sure Shiraishi did it?” Rui asked the nurse again, ignoring the weak tug at his arm.

“There was a witness, though I'm not exactly sure if we can rely on him that much.” Mafuyu confirmed, her crocs making silent noises as she walked.

“Just one? Who was it?” Rui’s eyes followed Mafuyu.

Tsukasa watched the chat between the two, no idea as to what they could possibly be talking about—but he knew for a fact he was slowly getting very worried.

Mafuyu sighed, putting her hair up in a ponytail as she spoke, “It's a patient. His name is Akito Shinonome, he wouldn't have told me if I hadn't said it was needed for the investigation.”

As the name Rui last expected to hear left Mafuyu’s mouth, his stern expression soured in a heartbeat—his eyes going wide in shock. He gulped. It was a bit too convenient to be a coincidence.

“Are you sure it's him? He was the only one?” 

“Yes, I’m sure.” Mafuyu rolled her eyes, putting on a jacket while switching to her heels. She was about to leave before she remembered something and paused. “Kaito said the staff who knows about this whole thing should keep their mouths shut.”

Her heels clinked on the tiles as she left the room and shut the door close. She was already tired enough, but there was one more place she wanted to stop by before she left.

Her own footsteps echoing in the eerie, empty morning halls was the only sound to her ears save for the occasional hissing of the wind outside. Her brain was clouded with thoughts. She hadn’t seen her in a while, and she wasn’t sure what to tell her. She just wanted her to be safe without being alarmed or scared by anything. 

Mafuyu came to an abrupt stop. There was another sound. Shuffling.

She instantly glanced over her shoulder despite the initial shiver down her spine. Nothing.

She kept walking, fastening her steps so she could reach her destination already. But no, apparently somebody else had other plans.

Another shuffling. This time a more hurried, more distressed one. Mafuyu didn’t stop to look back this time. This weariness—it was really getting to her, huh? Mafuyu interpreted it as a sign to get the hell out and go back home to rest. She couldn’t stay any longer in this hospital. God no.

She immediately reached for the handle once she was in front of Kanade’s room. She always had a spare key only for her just in case, but apparently she wasn’t gonna need it as the door eased open.

“Kanade,” she slid inside and called out after seeing the patient was already up—no, she hadn’t gone to sleep in the first place.

“Mafuyu?”

Kanade faced the nurse, her tone of voice unsurprisingly monotonous yet with a hint of curiosity. “What are you doing here?”

This sure was getting interesting. A nurse and a patient being close enough to use each other’s first names.

Akito’s lips curled upwards ever so slightly as he leaned against the cold wall, listening in on the conversation between the two. Connections like that had the potential to provide him use later on.

If there was one thing that annoyed Tsukasa to hell about Rui, it was him insisting on leaving things unexplained—no matter how concerning they seemed.

“No, Rui, I’m done playing games!” 

Tsukasa caught up to the taller doctor with fast-paced steps from behind, attempting to grab him by his coat. He wasn’t lying, he was done with Rui being so shut down lately.

Rui swiftly moved his arm so that he wouldn’t deal with an annoying Tsukasa. He didn’t have the time to explain things to him, especially now that he himself was probably in danger. He had more important matters to attend to.

“Not now, Tsukasa.” he muttered deeply while hurrying somewhere with quicker steps.

“Don’t give me the ‘not now’ again! Somehow it’s always not now, you never got the time to explain! Don’t think I didn’t notice what you and Mafuyu were talking about, something’s definitely up and you’re still not telling me!”

Rui huffed with an exasperated sigh, stopping his steps midway and turning to Tsukasa.

“Okay, fine. I’ll give you a hint if that’s what you really want. I wasn’t planning on saying a word, but now that you insist so much,”

Before Tsukasa could even follow, Rui was right in his face in a mere second. He grabbed the blonde by the collar and leaned down close enough to whisper beside his ear.

“If something happens to me, keep a close eye on Aoyagi and that patient Mafuyu mentioned—Akito.”

Tsukasa gulped. Even the beginning of Rui’s sentence, “if something happens to me” was enough to have him cornered mentally. He just now realized that he wouldn’t know what to do if Rui was harmed.

“What the hell does Toya have to do with anything?! And what’s so special about that guy—“

Rui shushed him instantly with a finger to his lips, “Please, Tsukasa. I’m doing this for your own good.”

“We’re both grown-ups, Rui! I just want to know what’s making you so paranoid!” Tsukasa groaned, pushing Rui’s hand from his mouth.

Rui exhaled deeply. He tried to keep his anger in check, grabbing Tsukasa’s face with both hands and gently pecking his lips. “Look… I promise I’ll tell you everything once things are settled down, but just wait a few more days, can’t you?”

Tsukasa rolled his eyes. He took a step back, turning on his heel to walk away.

“You know what? I’m not even going to keep asking for you to explain. I’m sick of you speaking in riddles. Just keep doing whatever you are, and leave me out of it.”

Rui stepped forward to try and stop him, but he already knew it would be futile. Tsukasa told himself he didn’t care—and maybe if he kept walking, he would believe that. Rui chose not to bother even though his chest was already tightening up. There it was, another pointless argument. He just prayed he could propitiate before it was too late.

He stayed where he was. He didn’t call after him, nor did he watch as the blonde eventually vanished around the corner.

Chapter Text

“Look at the stars, Akito,”

Toya cooed ever so gently, with little to no contrast to his usual courteous manner which Akito was so used to seeing. No, he might’ve actually been softer this time—reasons unknown.

“Isn’t it so mesmerizing to see that every single one tells a different story, that each one is unique with their own beauty?”

He was right there, flesh and bones, laying… where are they laying again? Akito couldn’t really tell. He hadn't bothered taking a look around in the first place, he wouldn't even have been aware they were stargazing if Toya hadn't spoken. 

He never once teared his gaze from the doctor—he wouldn't dare. Not when Toya was right by his side, with him, cradling him close. 

Just how could he be so beautiful? That annoyingly pretty way the distinct shades of blue fell on his brows—obscuring his lashes so gently when a soft laugh escaped his lips, the small mole situated under the right corner of his left eye and his cute gesture when he would brush the hair away if the wind messed it up… Akito had them all memorized, as if he was the artist and Toya was his muse. Yet the beauty before his eyes was one worth sitting and admiring for hours to no end.

Akito was so, so pathetically in love.

It was almost unreal to him—it felt too heavenly to be real. Was this God’s way of punishing him after what he'd done to Kohane and An? To endow him with such a pretty Toya who loved him dearly but only in his dreams, instead of the real one Akito had first fallen in love with? Was this the consequences of his own actions?

Even so, having Toya hold him against his chest and pet his orange strands—he thought he could hold onto the feeling. Even if it was just for little, despite knowing that this Toya was nothing more than a character his subconscious had set up for him.

It took him longer than necessary to hear his own sobs—buried deep in the soft fabric of Toya’s sweater. He clung to him like a lifeline, hands gripping anywhere they could reach. All he wanted was Toya—no, the Toya of his dreams not to let him go. He wouldn't be able to bear it.

Toya was his sole reason to stay, really.

“I'm sorry…” a beat.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry… Please, please don't give up on me… I shouldn't have, I'm so sorry, Toya…”

He choked on his words without a care in the world. Was he being a little dramatic? Well, maybe so. Did he care? No, he’d shown vulnerability in front of the real Toya before, it wasn't anything new. In fact he believed that maybe if he belittled and made himself look as miserable as possible, then Toya would have some sympathy and stay.

“It's alright, Akito.”

A whisper dismissed those thoughts.

“I’ve forgiven you.”

Oh.

Akito was… forgiven?

Before he could utter any word—which, well, he was a bit shocked to do so—Toya chuckled in the soft tone of his that Akito adored so much. Then he leaned down just enough to tenderly peck Akito’s forehead. To pull him even closer into his chest, hold him in his arms and to place kisses all over his face. Until he reached his lips. 

Toya grabbed Akito’s face with both hands and crushed their lips together. Passionate and all that. Sure, Akito might’ve been dreaming—but Toya initiating the kiss wasn’t something he thought was even possible. Hell, he hadn’t even thought they would kiss in the first place.

Fuck it, he thought—and his hands were so fierce when gripping Toya’s face that the poor doctor could merely whimper into the rough kiss.

It was all too vivid—how Toya’s warm breath hit Akito’s nose as one’s tongue invaded the other’s mouth, how his body heat felt too real against Akito’s even hotter one. One of his hands made for Toya’s light blue strands, while the other almost animalistically grasped his sweater like he wanted to rip it off. 

Not enough, a voice told Akito. And he was persuaded in an instant.

Toya pulled back just enough for a breather but Akito didn’t stop there—he was hungry, itching. He pushed him down, straddling him while pinning his arms down by the wrists. He began mouthing down Toya’s jaw, working both his tongue and teeth. The sweet whimpers of pleasure from the doctor were fuel to his urges, going straight down his lower abdomen as a rush of heat. His self control was at rock bottom—if not entirely gone.

Akito nipped on the sensitive, pale skin of his neck and fuck, Toya’s eyes were already rolling into his head. He tugged on his lower lip—breathless, soft moans leaving his mouth with a hint of embarrassment. He was left gasping for air when Akito grabbed his throat, biting as though Toya was a meal he had to absolutely devour. God, he needed to fuck him so badly.

And that was how it came to an end.

Akito’s eyes shot wide open. He tried to catch his breath—his heartbeat way too high to think straight. He found his hands clasping the blanket so tightly as if he was still holding on for a bond with the dream.

“What the fuck.” he blurted out after recalling a few seconds. 

Did he just wake up from Toya fucking making out with him?

He did love Toya—a bit too much, probably. But he never thought desperation could go to an extent in which he would start having wet dreams about him. 

If he had to be honest though, he was not at all complaining. He actually might’ve enjoyed it a little too much for his own good and the bulge between his legs could very well prove that. He groaned in frustration when he realized. 

This was his what—second or third time getting a boner thinking of Toya now. It made him feel like a teenager and was getting kind of annoying. He wasn’t one to blame in this case though—it was Toya who started it, wasn’t it?

He sat up, running his hands down his face. Now why in hell did he have to wake up from something like that? Not to mention when it was just starting to heat up? Would it kill to stay asleep a few more minutes, just to savor the taste?

Oh, savoring the taste.

The pads of Akito’s index and middle fingers slowly reached his bottom lip. The scene replayed in his head—it felt raw, like he could still hear his beloved’s soft gasps, touching his figure pressed up against him. He was itching to grab him like that again—to have him under him, moaning his name in that gentle tone of his. Akito would definitely kill for that. With no hesitation.

For fuck’s sake, he had to quit being so horny.

Frustrated, he ran a hand through his hair. He knew he was spiraling and it was worse than before. The absence of Toya was driving him crazy.

He hadn't been around since Kohane’s death. 

“Were you informed, I wonder…” he asked no one in particular—then a chuckle of irony escaped him, “Yes the fuck you were, that bitch was your patient. Of course they told you.”

A hysteric laughter. Akito didn't bother holding it back. He hugged his legs, biting his nails—oblivious to his own body trembling head to toe. He exhaled a shaky breath as his free hand gripped his clothing.

Toya had been gone for too long. He couldn't count days, but for him, it had been way too long. 

He wouldn't do anything without telling Akito, would he? He wouldn't go and try something so stupid as resigning or anything like that. Would he just go and let him down so easily? What would Akito do then?

“No… you will come back. You will… You cannot go anywhere.”

A lone tear slipped down his cheek, like how Toya had slipped away from him in his dream and he had been unable to do anything to keep him.

He buried his face in his knees and was again, sobbing like a child.

For any ordinary person working at the psychiatric ward, it would be any other weekday morning filled with workload. Was Toya one of those ordinary people? Yes. Was it any other friday morning for him? No.

His coffee had gone cold minutes ago. The waitress wiping the adjacent table gave him questioning looks as to why he had been staring at the cup for about twenty minutes now. The worry was evident on her face, but she decided it was best not to engage.

Toya felt as if he was unable to take even a sip—like he would instantly puke if he swallowed anything.

He had taken a few days off after hearing the news about Kohane. Ironically, he thought he was going a little overboard. He knew that his job didn't revolve around only one patient and to him, grieving her death shouldn't have taken him that long. Yet the emotional bond he had built with her over time shattering in one such devastating event affected him more than he could handle.

And he was back after a week or so. 

As he tore his gaze from the cup at last, he came to his senses. He stood up leaving the coffee untouched and walked out.

Toya's legs felt unmistakably heavier than usual while taking the stairs—as if they required extra effort to be carried. He took a seat in the hallway where he would usually work, resting his elbows on his knees while watching his own clasped hands. It might've been a little ironic how he found peace there, how it felt like… home, maybe?

Home, despite all he could recall was rushed morning coffees as breakfast and tiring night shifts when he roamed his eyes around the hall. Maybe that was just what he was born for—to heal, even if it meant destroying his own soul.

A sudden headache pierced his brain. He subtly groaned, a hand reaching the exact spot where it hit him. It throbbed so painfully under his palm that he couldn't even hear the familiar voice for a second.

“Toya, I’m asking you! Mind if I sit?”

The same familiar voice that seemed to have come out of nowhere startled him, making Toya look up with a blink. Though he sighed in relief when he recognized the other doctor.

“Oh, Tsukasa… Of course.” he mumbled, shifting on the seat to make space for the blonde while his hand remained on the ache in his skull.

Tsukasa settled beside him. He diverted his attention, watching the dim fluorescent lights flickering. Strange, he wasn't whining about anything annoying Rui had done earlier. He wasn't even talking at all.

Toya caught up to the difference. He wondered what could be the reason—perhaps he simply didn’t want to be as loud as usual when Toya was feeling unwell. 

“Where have you been?” he gently asked when he finally spoke, offering a small smile. 

“I was worried when you didn’t pick up my calls.”

Toya felt his throat knot with a gulp—he wasn't exactly sure how to answer that. He faced the blonde, who also looked at him, before he turned his gaze toward the ground again.

“I had to take a few days off after—well…”

The knot got worse. Toya ran the tips of his fingers down his throat, breath hitching slightly.

“The incident, right?”

Toya remained silent.

A deep sigh came from the blonde. He carefully placed a supportive hand on Toya’s shoulder, his thumb caressing over his coat.

“Rui told me about it… I feel so sorry, both for her and you.”

Toya fidgeted with the rings around his thin fingers. He was nervous—biting his bottom lip to suppress any tears. He straightened his posture slightly to face Tsukasa again.

“How’s he doing? Kamishiro?” he asked as an attempt to change the topic. And this time, it was Tsukasa who shifted uncomfortably in his place. 

“Well, he’s…” he cleared his throat, “I don’t know, he’s probably okay. I don’t want to talk to that idiot.”

Toya raised his brows in curiosity. “Why? But you two were so close, did something happen between you?”

“He just… He’s been pissing me off a lot more than usual.” Tsukasa sighed dramatically, “And we kind of had an argument about that, so I’m ignoring him right now.”

Toya couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle, which turned into a soft laugh. Tsukasa furrowed his brow at the sight of that smug expression. 

“Toya? What’s so funny?!”

Toya covered his mouth with his knuckles to prevent any more giggles, but he was a little too amused not to make some harmless fun of the latter.

“It’s just kind of funny to me—how you’re trying to be mad at him.”

Tsukasa scoffed, tucking his blonde strands behind the ear as a faint hint of red crept over his cheeks.

“I’m not trying to be mad, I am! Do you know how stubborn and annoying he’s been?”

This made Toya laugh even more before he could hold it back—which Tsukasa was glad, even if still a little embarrassed. 

“Ah,” Toya checked his watch, “I should probably get going…”

He stood up—and so did Tsukasa right after him. His expression soured and all of a sudden he looked unsure about letting Toya go, as if he still had things left unspoken.

Toya noticed and he couldn't help but ask,

“Is there something wrong?”

Tsukasa didn't say a word for a brief moment—which was quite unexpected of him—before he brushed Toya off.

“Just… take care, alright? And find me if anything happens again.”

Toya watched his expression, taking in the stressed undertones despite the reassuring words. He would've never thought of hearing those from Tsukasa, but here was. A fond smile stretched across his own lips when he nodded.

“Yes… Thank you, Tsukasa.”

The two went different ways with small waves to each other.

Toya didn't want to give it away while talking, but as expected of his profession—he could tell there was definitely something up by the way Tsukasa had spoken and acted around him. 

He just didn't want to dig in too much to search for it. He could go on with his life without knowing.

He huffed, slicking his hair back. He was heading upstairs to check some reports he should've already gone through days ago—and he sighed at the mental image of how tiring it would be.

Toya was about to turn the corner to the stairs, until he wasn't.

“Can't you fucking watch where you're going?!”

His ears perked in both panic and curiosity. That didn't sound good. Well, apparently this wasn't exactly where they separated ways with Tsukasa.

The reports can wait, he thought—and curiosity got the best of him as he began heading in the direction the voice had come from.

“Tsukasa, is everything…”

Toya physically froze at the sight before him. Him again. Just how was he able to appear everywhere Toya was seen?

“Akito.”

He didn't soften his tone. Not this time. And it was the worst.

Akito felt his heart sink—like it could leave his ribcage and fall into his palms at any given second.

Toya wasn't looking at him. Toya had just used a tone of voice Akito had never heard from him—rough, just rough with not even a hint of the ease that shaped Toya’s voice into Toya’s voice.

Akito had never felt this disgusting from merely hearing his name being called.

Worst of it all, Toya was focused on someone else.

Not Akito, not him—someone else.

“What did he do?” Toya worriedly asked Tsukasa, who still had a hand on his head.

“Toya, no! It's not what it–”

“Shut it for a second, Akito!”

Oh.

If it was possible at that moment, Akito’s brain would’ve shut down.

Toya had never sounded so… irritated before.

He stood there, one hand around Tsukasa’s wrist while the other checked where Tsukasa said it hurt.

And Akito watched that scene unfold.

Isn’t he with someone else? Why do you care? Are you ignoring me? On purpose? What is he to you? Is he that important? Is he another love interest? Why him? Why not me? I can get rid of him as well. I would. I will. 

He fell on his knees, clawing at his own skin—screaming his lungs out in the middle of the hall. He pulled on his own hair with both hands, until they ran down his face and he dug his own nails into his eye bags.

Did this mean Toya didn't love him? Did he hate him? If Toya hated him, Akito would have no idea what to do with his life. Ending it himself with a sharp blade to the throat sounded the best.

The passersby—nurses, some other patients with them, maybe even doctors who seemed too busy to lend a hand—gave him weird looks, some didn't even care and continued their day thanks to their years of experience in the hospital. 

“Toya, we have to–”

“Ssh. Let him.”

For the first time in a while, even Toya’s eyes held dread when watching Akito collapse—unsure of what to do with his own patient who he knew so well. 

“Akito.”

That voice.

Akito already knew who it belonged to with no need to turn around.

“Get out.”

“You can't keep running away, you know.”

“I said, get the fuck out.”

Somehow there was still no sound of retreat, nor did the door close. Just steady breathing followed by a soft sigh—like the calm before the storm.

Right—just great. What did he want now, like the entire day hadn’t been terrible enough? 

Rui’s steps into Akito’s room were slow and calculated as he walked in uninvited and the chair beside the bed dipped when he took a seat.

He gave Akito some time as he didn't speak and simply observed the room. The air reeked of stress and sweat—Rui couldn’t help but wonder what Akito had been doing prior to his visit. The nightstand also overflowed with scattered pills, a concerning number of glass fragments and a few plastic snack wrappings.

Rui pondered about how the boy might’ve spent his days when Toya hadn’t been around. Rough would probably be an understatement—since it seemed to have been far worse judging by the condition of the room. And also Akito himself overall.

He cleared his throat with a fist to his mouth and turned to face Akito’s back.

“How long has it been since someone last came to check on you?”

Akito hissed, gritting his teeth. He had no intention of talking to him—he didn’t even want to see his disgusting face. It was none of his business. Just who did he think he was to come and–

“You can relax. I’m not here to interrogate you, just wondering if we should put you in seclusion so you don’t… you know, murder someone again.”

Akito straightened his posture instinctively. His heart skipped a beat at the mention of putting him in fucking seclusion. 

So he doesn’t kill someone? Again? 

He was so fed up with this guy that his patience was already running thin. 

“The hell are you talking about?” he slightly turned his body towards the doctor, glaring at the yellow irises over his shoulder.

“Oh, so that got your attention?”

Rui offered a cheesy smile—this fucker, he didn’t even try to make it look genuine. He was being smug and it was damn near intentional.

“Spit it out.”

“Do I need to?” 

Akito could only chuckle and roll his eyes to contain the ferality crawling up inside him. His knuckles were slowly turning white—clutching the sheets so tightly beneath himself.

“I heard you had a panic attack with Toya and Tsukasa in the hall just an hour ago. Is that true?”

“Who told you that?” Akito instantly barked back, hearing Toya’s name.

Rui raised his brows seeing his intrigue. That joyous expression from earlier retook its place with pleasure.

“Ah, so it is true after all.”

If Akito listened to his inner voice there, Rui would've been on the ground in a matter of seconds with Akito’s bare fingers shoving into his eyes. But he was nice enough to respond with only a scoff.

“Cut to the chase.”

Rui leaned back on the seat with a sigh, rubbing his temples as he frowned.

“Well… let's not drag it on then.” He slicked his hair back—skimming through the pages of the agenda in his hand, “You were a witness—the only witness in Azusawa’s case. The whole inquest was conducted solely trusting your account and the crime scene.”

Akito listened, also frowning with his arms crossed. He had a rough idea about where Rui was coming with this.

“And?”

“And is, it's suspicious how it also makes you a suspect since there's no surveillance footage yet only Shiraishi was arrested—immediately at that. There's too many contradictions.”

Another scoff left Akito’s mouth. He wasn’t stupid, he knew there were contradictions. So what? Everything had gone according to his plan and the girl was dead anyway, nothing else mattered.

“I thought I told you to cut to the chase.” He spoke slowly, but the undertones of madness in his voice were clearly there.

Rui shut down the agenda and set it aside. He supported his own chin with a hand as he crossed a leg over another.

“You look awfully calm for someone whose secrets are about to be brought to daylight.”

Akito wanted to laugh. He wanted to laugh at Rui's face—and if the laidback expression wasn't driving him insane right then, he would be laughing.

“I would've expected you to figure it out sooner. Must’ve taken you long enough—playing Sherlock, I mean.”

“Oh, trust me, I had been done playing Sherlock the second I heard about you. I was simply waiting to catch you alone.”

“Pfft—and here I am, happy now?”

“Mm…” Rui inched a slight bit closer towards Akito, still maintaining eye contact. His index finger slipped under his chin before it rubbed the hem of Akito’s orange strands with his middle finger.

Akito couldn't process what came to him for a brief second there—was he panicking? Because of Rui of all people?

He curled his fingers around Rui’s wrist to push his hand back off, only for Rui to place it on Akito’s cheek this time. Akito really didn’t want to know what was going in his head.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Rui shushed him with a finger to his lips. His free hand reached for Akito’s, pulling him by the wrist so their noses nearly made contact.

“You asked me if I was happy…” he murmured, his thumb replacing the index finger on Akito’s bottom lip.

“I’ll be happy once Toya knows about what a freak you are.”

Akito’s breath hitched. Toya learning about him? No, definitely not going to happen. He would never let anybody get between them for the second time—even if it meant taking certain… measures.

Rui didn't flinch even slightly when Akito pulled on his collar. His grip was tight though, almost like it wished to be around the doctor’s throat instead of his coat.

“Listen… I don't know what the fuck you're on—but if Toya somehow finds out about a single thing I’ve done, I won't hesitate to kill both that blonde bitch of yours and you. Starting with him.”

Rui’s smug face went deadpan, instantly sulking. Akito was no different while still gripping Rui’s clothes like his life depended on it. They glared daggers at each other—as if both wanted to jump on the other.

The threat didn't just slip out of Rui’s ears. He knew Akito was serious—that he would resort to violence if Rui tried anything stupid.

“Don't you dare…” he whispered.

Akito snickered, sensing the underlying dread beneath Rui’s gaze. He tugged on his collar once more to bring him even closer.

“It's all up to you… whether you put both your and his lives on the line, or stay silent and keep doing your job like a good boy.”

Rui gritted his teeth. He was done already, and it didn’t take a genius to see that Akito was sick of him as well. He got what he had initially come for anyway—words.

He pushed Akito by the chest just rough enough for the boy to let go. Then he got back on his feet, grabbed the agenda from the bedside table and made for the exit.

“You're a sick freak, remember that.” He said, stepping out of the room by shutting the door loud enough to make his irritation clear.

And just like that, Akito was alone again—left by himself and his own thoughts.

Great, he’d rather be lonely than see that son of a bitch.

He could already feel his blood boiling, his heart thumping. With the urge to kill, to get rid of those in his way with Toya—along with the excitement that came with just thinking about it.

How should it be, he wondered. And a feral giggle escaped his mouth while pondering. Neither were as weak targets as Kohane—but Akito had burned a whole house down before, taking merely two lives couldn’t be that difficult, no?

No—not just yet. He could wait. Not now.

Before he knew it, his hands were trembling again. Uncontrollably.

“Shit…” 

He definitely needed something else to relieve stress before he made some dumb decision.

He leaned down and extended a shaky hand under his pillow. He fumbled with the sheets a little—and there, he thanked God the nurses hadn’t found them while cleaning.

Akito brought the cigarette up to the tip of his lips, lighting it up with his other trembling hand that grasped the lighter painfully tight.

And all of a sudden, maybe not entirely—but certainly some of his stress had vanished like the smoke he blew into the room. No, he hadn’t bothered standing on his feet beside the window this time.

He held it with his thumb and index fingers when he removed the cigarette from his mouth. Stupidly enough, he proceeded to roll up his sleeves, and press the tip of the stick on his forearm with no hesitancy—right on top of the scars he had caused while using those glass fragments earlier.

“Fuck—“ he groaned deep from the throat, his front teeth digging into his lower lip as a way to suppress the pain.

It hurt, yet felt amazing simultaneously.

A twisted grin etched his lips as Akito thrusted the stick even deeper into his skin. There was no Toya to tend to his wounds or scold him now anyway—he was free to do whatever the hell he wanted.